 
To Sammy With Love

By Robbie Byrne

Copyright 2011 Robbie Byrne

Smashwords Edition

This book is available in print at most online retailers

Table Of Contents

Prologue

Chapter 1

Chapter 2

Chapter 3

Chapter 4

Chapter 5

Chapter 6

Chapter 7

Chapter 8

Chapter 9

Chapter 10

Chapter 11

Chapter 12

Chapter 13

Chapter 14

Chapter 15

Chapter 16

Chapter 17

Epilogue

Prologue

Slowly, almost reluctantly, he awoke from the dream. Now, practically conscious, he listened to the silence of the house. Outside, the night was tranquil. The dream had drained him emotionally - but not without pleasure. Beside him, his young wife stirred in her slumber and curled into a fetal position. How strange, to be fully awake, and comforted by the reality of familiar surroundings, yet wistfully recalling how the dream evolved.

I was sitting on a sand dune overlooking a quiet beach. A soft breeze carried the gentle hiss of waves as the ocean met the land. It was a tranquil scene. Before me, in timeless majesty, lay the full panorama of land, sea and sky. The only sounds, apart from the waves, came from birds circling overhead.

Capturing my attention was a small group of youths at play, on the water's edge. In mock aggression, they splashed, tackled and wrestled with each other. One in particular captured my attention. With every subtle movement, his torso rippled and flexed with the energy of youth. His chest and abdomen seemed chiseled to a sculptor's perfection.

The boy had discarded the usual baggy swim shorts favored by his peers, and opted for a skimpy swim costume. This allowed a fuller appreciation of his muscled legs and buttocks.

Then the dream changed and I found myself on the water's edge. The young man began to walk towards me. With each closing step, my heartbeat faster.

Closer - and I could see the boy's facial features. He was handsome - an open friendly face with deep brown eyes that smiled out of honey-colored skin. His eyes were only looking at me.

Closer now - and his face became clearer. His features were half boy, half man, but entirely masculine. He smiled a sweet invitation - exposing strong white teeth.

Together now - I could smell the aroma from his sweat. Up close, his eyes penetrated deep into my soul. I longed to kiss those desirable lips. My heart was thudding loudly, and a sudden dryness in my mouth rendered me mute. Slowly his arms reached out and began to pull me closer and closer, until our breathing became one. We kissed deeply, passionately and . . .

That was when he awoke. It was the physical contact, softly imagined, that caused him to wake up, leaving him with a deep longing to re-capture the intensity of the dream.

He became aware of an erection - A very hard and painful erection. With a sigh, he allowed his hand to commence the process of relief.

Chapter 1

Peter showered and turned off the tap. Wrapping the towel around his midsection, he made his way to the in-house cafe. All around him, the sounds of the bathhouse continued quietly. Friday nights were always busy. Peter was sure that many of the guys were just like him; married and desperate to relieve their sexual tensions before going home to wife, girlfriend, or family. He collected his long black coffee from the half-naked attendant and found an empty table. The café was not very busy -- after all, you didn't come here for coffee.

Peter was pleasantly sated. His last encounter was with a young man, in his early twenties, who demonstrated impressive sexual agility. Even in the dim light, Peter could see that the lad was superbly muscled. It felt good to caress his taut muscular body.

Peter's Friday night sojourns were becoming more a need than a habit. Each new encounter was exciting and promised new satisfaction. Around him, males of all ages and shapes were indulging in base acts of pure pleasure.

It was dangerous, it was furtive, and it was exciting He wondered if . . . "Mind if I join you?" a voice behind him asked.

As peter looked up, the young guy of his last encounter came into view. Without waiting for a response, a can of 'fanta' was set down on the table.

"No, take a pew," invited Peter. "I was just having a refresher before heading home."

"Thanks –Yeah, I reckon it's time for me too. Got to get up early tomorrow --um, today. We all need our beauty sleep. By the way - name's Sam."

"I'm Peter."

They shook hands. His handshake was strong, very masculine and just the right pressure.

"You're pretty energetic. You don't need more sleep," Peter observed. "What's your work?"

"Aww thanks," Sam replied coyly. "I'm a laborer. I work part time on building jobs. Not got much education, so I just pick up what work I can - wherever."

"Well, you certainly have a bloody good body," observed Peter. "And your arse man, I couldn't get enough of it.

"Bullshit. But thanks anyway." They settled into a comfortable silence. It gave Peter a chance to re-appraise the boy called Sam. He had a compact body, powerful shoulders and arms that reflected his work. What's more, his face was pleasantly tanned and attractive. Handsome.

He had dark brown almost black eyes and a well-defined chin. His nose gave him an impish look, and his mouth invited passion. When he smiled, he displayed strong white teeth.

Peter let the silence continue until Sam inquired, "You live close?" "No, down Mornington way," Peter responded. "I've got an hour's drive to get home."

"Oh," Sam replied offhand. "I only live in Elsternwick, just a short bike ride. Don't have a car \- yet. I'm saving up for an old bomb, just something to get me around. "Expect you've got a flashy ride...eh? What's your work?"

"I'm a sports physiotherapist." Peter responded. "And yes, I drive a commodore."

"Geeze - you're a physio. That explains why you have such a sexy body. When I saw you, I really admired your build. You have a great chest. Love all those black hairs. Bet you work out, hey. You don't get a body like yours sitting on yer arse"

Now, Peter always got self-conscious when people admired his body. Brenda loved curling her fingers through the hairs on his chest. But he did work out and swim. Younger, he played footy, which is why he had such good legs and arse. Slightly embarrassed, Peter said, "That's the nicest thing anybody has said to me all day. Thanks, it gets harder to stay in shape as you get older."

"Arrh - you're not old. Let me guess, Twenty eight?"

With a small laugh, Peter responded "Close - I'm 31."

Out of the corner of his eye, Pete saw the attendant approaching - or swaying more like. Even walking, he moved his hips suggestively.

"Hi guys, just thought I'd let you know we're going to close the shop soon. Anything I can get you before I close?" This he said leering at Sam, who responded,

"I'd like a vegemite sandwich" Both Peter and the attendant looked at Sam, thinking he was joking; A vegemite sandwich. Yuk!

"Well, sweet thing, we have pies, sausage rolls, cakes, lollies and Tim-Tams but, no, I'm sorry, we don't sell vegemite sandwiches. - anything else?"

"No vegemite sandwiches. Are you telling me you don't have vegemite sandwiches?"

"Yes", said he politely. "We don't have a vegemite sandwich on our menu"

"That's the first time I've ever been knocked back for a vegemite sandwich", grumbled Sam. "They're not difficult to make."

"Even so," flared the attendant. We just don't do vegemite sandwiches. Anyway, what a ghastly thought. I couldn't think of anything worse. It not only sounds terrible, even the thought makes me ill. Is that all you ever eat?"

"No, 'course not. Sam retaliated "I eat lots of other stuff, but right now I want a vegemite sandwich. - and I don't like your tone. Youse'r treating me like an idiot or sumfing. Lots of people like vegemite. They even wrote a song about it." At that point, Sam began to sing -

"We're happy little vegemites, as happy as can be . . ."

"Shut up!" Huffed the attendant. "This is a male steam-bath not a bloody church choir. Lower your voice, people will get frightened. You'll just have to live with it. You can't have a vegemite sandwich, not now, or ever - OK." The attendant almost shouted and, as he turned to go, he offered cuttingly - "Go get a life."

Through all this, Peter had sat and happily watched the two antagonists go at each other. This was better than TV. Sam was looking slightly flushed and obviously angry.

"Cool down," Peter said. "Don't let a little thing like a vegemite sandwich ruin your night. Were you joking? You really had the guy all riled up."

"No, I'm not kidding," groused Sam. "It's only that I don't eat fancy. I just like vegemite sandwiches. It's all I eat at home. Sometimes, all I can afford"

"Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to get personal - I apologize"

"No, it's my fault. I hate it when arseholes like him try to put me down. Guess I've got a bit of a chip on my shoulder, Eh?"

Not knowing what else to say, Peter drank what was left of his coffee. Sam took a gigantic swallow of his Fanta.

A bit crestfallen, Sam said, "Well, I should be making tracks. I'm sorry if I . . . ,"

"Don't think about it. I've had a pleasant and satisfying night, especially with you back there" And indicated the cubicles with his head. "I hope I didn't hurt you?"

"Hurt me? Geeze Peter, the moment I saw you I knew what I wanted. I chose you, not the other way round. I hope I don't sound too arrogant."

"No, I'm flattered. I don't get too many compliments. So, thanks -I mean it"

"No worries. Look, I hope to see you again, but just in case, here's my mobile number. And name."

With that, he took a drink caster and wrote on the back. Peter accepted and placed it in his wallet, reminding himself to put it away in a safe place before he got home. Peter was very reluctant to give out his phone details, so was relieved Sam didn't ask. However, he was obviously expecting Peter to reciprocate.

A little subdued, Sam got up off the chair and held out his hand. "Well, see you round, Peter. I really hope you give me a call sometime. I'd like to see you again"

As he shook his hand Peter said "Yeah Sam, it's been great to meet you - sorry about the vegemite sandwich".

"Arrh, that's cool. See ya Peter, drive carefully."

With that, he turned and made for the exit. Peter watched his back as he traversed the room. His T- shirt showed a pair of wide masculine shoulders and the jeans he wore clearly showed his beautiful bum. Peter started to feel horny again.

Looking at his watch it read 1:30 am. With an hour to Mornington, he had better get on the way. His excuses to Brenda about where he was each Friday night were beginning to sound lame. He headed for the change room, passing the attendant who gave him an evil grin. I bet, thought Peter, he's met all type of characters. , but who could top the 'vegemite kid'. Getting into his car, Peter breathed a sigh of relief. He remembered the time he forgot where he'd parked the car and had to spend a half hour looking for it, late at night. The thought of telling Brenda that he'd lost the car in a place where it should not have been, worried him.

The drive down to Mornington was easy this late at night and, as he drove, he let his thoughts wander to the young guy, Sam. He was both cute and 'butch' \- just Peter's type. On purpose, he didn't give Sam his phone number. It would be difficult, if not impossible and dangerous, to have a conversation with Brenda hovering around. He could have given his mobile number, but Peter preferred to keep his dalliances private - and secret.

Old fears began to surface with regard to the double life he was leading. Down deep, he knew it was going to blow up in his face someday. When he was younger, he thought that by leading a double life, he had the best of both worlds. To be happily married with kids and at the same time enjoy great sex in the male bathhouses. He married Brenda, six years ago, because he was, and still is, genuinely fond of her. He adored his two girls and tried to be a good father. He was in great shape and felt good - physically.

So what was wrong? He had a great wife, terrific kids, a top job and a nice house and car. Life was great. He should be on top of the world. Yet deep down in his soul, he felt empty. He felt a longing for male companionship. All the love and giving that was a part of his basic nature, needed to be directed towards a steady male relationship.

That's when his thoughts turned to - Karl. He met Karl about 6 months ago when Brenda invited her friend Maria and her husband around for dinner. Maria and Brenda worked together at the local school. Peter can still remember opening the door and coming face to face with the deepest brown eyes, he had ever seen. Karl came from a German family who settled in Australia about 20 years ago. Though Karl was born in Germany, he was as 'Aussie' as you can get.

He was just damn desirable, with beautiful honey satin skin and blond hair. He had his own tiling business and the heavy outside work showed in his great muscle structure. At the end of last summer, the four of them had gone to Mt. Martha's beach swimming. When Karl took off his shorts and shirt, stripping down to a pair of 'Speedos', Peter almost melted. From his wide muscled shoulders down to his tanned brawny legs, he looked like a god. .He had a cut on his mouth that gave him a 'rakish' look. However, when Karl bent over to put his sunglasses away, exposing his arse in the process, Peter's mouth went dry. He just longed to reach out and touch, perhaps slide his finger in between those adorable cheeks.

Yeah, Karl was attractive - and very married to Maria. Slowly they had become close friends, sharing similar interests. Both of them were St. Kilda footy fans, and they loved water sports. They were even talking about getting a kayak for the coming summer.

Now, whilst Peter enjoyed the friendship, he needed more. The urge to kiss Karl had almost led to embarrassing situations, a couple of times. Peter began to realize it was getting harder to suppress his basic emotional needs. His feelings for Karl were getting stronger. The pressure was building painfully.

What could he do? At first, the 'best of both worlds' lifestyle had satisfied him, but not any longer. His feelings for Karl emphasized this. His physical and emotional need for Karl had become overwhelming. It was now so painful that he almost dreaded each time they were together. Karl treated him as a close and personal friend, and certainly gave absolutely no indication that he wanted the friendship to progress to a higher level. Karl was a very straight boy.

Peter actually would've felt sorry for Karl if he was gay. Karl's parents were very strict and very German. His father was a minister and extremely religious. Father's word was law. Karl, being an only child, was firmly under his dad's control. The one time Peter met the father, the commanding and remote vibes he gave out, overawed him. A gay son would definitely not be welcome in that household.

Nearing home now, Peter looked out across the bay sparkling in the moonlight, seduced by the calmness of the waters. He loved living in Mornington. He loved his job, his family and his lifestyle. If only his feelings for Karl could fit snug in the overall picture - All would be perfect.

So why was he feeling insecure. Why was he denying the emptiness inside him? Why would he risk anything just to elevate his friendship with Karl to a physical level? He was losing control of his life and this made him frightened - and apprehensive.

As he turned into his driveway, he pushed all these dire thoughts away and entered his house.

Next morning, Sam woke early, even though he didn't get to bed until3 Am. He thought -

Geeze, I can't wait to pick up my "bomb" next week. No more cold morning bike rides like last night. Melbourne's autumn weather was no place for bike riding - especially after dark. But, it was worth it. I met Peter. Bloody hell, he's one hell of a hunk. I can still feel . . .

Anyway, I really hope he calls me. But I'm not gonna hold my breath.

He could hear his flat-mate Billee getting her breakfast ready. He was very lucky, for as well as sharing the rent, Billee had become a good friend.

When he arrived from Perth, he didn't know anyone, save for an aunt who lived down Mornington way. She knew all about the drama with his parents, especially his dad. When he told his folks he was Gay, they both reacted badly. His father was disgusted, and told him he was no longer welcome in his house.

It wasn't unexpected. His dad was a builder and very much a'man's man' and being religiously conservative he just couldn't, or wouldn't, face the issue. His mother was also concerned that she would never have grandchildren.

Staying at home was not an option and staying in Perth completely unpalatable. He decided to make a clean break and flew to Melbourne. His aunt helped by finding him a place to stay. So here he was.

Sauntering into the kitchen, he muttered a "morning" to Billee, who was pouring coffee. Lifting the cup, she silently offered Sam a cup with "Good morning sunshine."

"Ta, I need this", said Sam as he grasped the steaming coffee mug. "You're an angel."

"A good night?" queried Billee, pulling her wicked floral house- gown around her. She was attractive and tended to wear bright colors to advertise her personality. Her makeup was flamboyant, yet she seemed to be popular. Sam had ceased trying to follow who her latest 'guy' was. From the little she had told him, Billee had her own life trauma, with a previous marriage. As far as he knew, there were no offspring to complicate the messy separation.

"Yeah, it was, very - I think." Sam eventually responded, whilst staring at the steam arising from his coffee. He was still thinking about the guy last night - Peter. In fact, he felt a strange emotion taking hold. Something inside him jibbed with the guy. He had not felt an attraction like this before. He had even allowed the guy to fuck him. - Protected of course. He felt vulnerable, a little uncomfortable, but glad of the encounter - nonetheless.

"Geeze Sammy, what's with the 'I think'. Did you get a root or not?"

"Mind yer own business bitch." He said, smiling. "I'm not going to give you any personal details"

"Well, that means you did. But you seem a bit down - is anything bothering you? You can always tell Aunty Billee."

"Yeah, I know. Thanks for that. You're my best pal. But, I don't know. There is something about the man I met last night that keeps troubling me."

"Tell me about him - what happened?"

"Well, I got to 'Spartacus' about 9 pm or so. After undressing and showering, I strolled around a bit just to see what or who was there. You know I don't like young guys or even guys my age, so I tend to be a bit choosy. I had a bit of a fling with a blond hunk that turned out to be rough trade. And I mean rough. UGH - God, do I hate that."

"After that finished, I took another shower - I felt dirty all over. Just as I was strolling around, in walked a man who instantly attracted me. Seriously, he was spunk. Yeah, I reckon he looked a lot like Mickey Angelo's David - with a hairy chest. He was very me. I thought he was some kind of God, come down to visit. A beautiful face, as well as and a body to die for."

"And you tell me this dreamboat is Gay?" Billee interrupted. "He's too good to be true."

"Yeah - anyway, I stalked him, and by the way he shopped around, I could tell he liked younger guys, so I fired a broadside and wiggled my arse. That's all - no more details, it's personal."

"Oh Sammy, you're such a wanker. You always get coy when it comes to talking about sex. So, what's next - Are you going to ring him, or meet again?"

"Oh yeah", sighed Sammy. "I gave him my mobile number, but he didn't give me his. Guess I'll just have to wait and hope he calls me. If he doesn't, well it'll be a pity, I really liked him." As an afterthought he added, "His name's Peter."

"Sammy, don't be so negative. I'm sure he'll call. There aren't many 'Sammy's in this world. Anyway, the guy who's selling you the car called and said all the paperwork is ready Come pick up the car when you're ready." Billee took a sip of coffee and grimaced. "Shit, this is too strong." Then she continued, "Hey, I bet you're pleased about the car?"

"Yep, just in time. My aunt called to say that it's her husband's birthday next month. She's throwing a bbq and invited me along. They live in Mornington, so I'll put the car to good use."

"Sure kid, but remember DONT drink and drive. Better to take the train"

"Yeah, I know. I'll be careful. You got a date tonight?"

"Nope. Vera's coming past around eight, and we're just going down the local pub. Join us if you want \- Vera thinks you're cute." Then Billee lowered her voice and asked -.

"Have you heard anything from your folks back home? You haven't said anything for a while. I can tell if something's bothering you."

"No, not a lot. Only me mum called to see how I'm getting on. My dad - forget it."

"Sorry kid, I know you hurt deep down - life's a bitch isn't it? But just remember, you had no choice. Oh, I don't mean about coming to Melbourne. I'm talking about telling them you're gay. You did the right thing. Let's just hope your Dad softens in time. But it's very important that you keep in contact with your mum." And then she shuddered and became angry.

"Jeessus, I hate religion. All a religion does is to teach people to discriminate against other people. From what you tell me, your Dad, being brought up as a catholic, was brainwashed from the get go. But it's not just the Catholics, all religions are the same."

"Tell me something I don't know," said Sam. "Oh and thanks for the offer tonight, but I'll pass. This arvo I'm going to the footy with Alex, and after that, well, who knows? Maybe I'll get lucky - Again"

Billee stretched wide showing a dazzling color display with her gown. "Well, best get my finger out and start cleaning up. But hey, we have to do some stocking up, so why don't we head down the supermarket after we tidy up?"

"Will do", agreed Sam.

#

Chapter 2

He was jolted awake by a mess of arms, legs and hair landing on his stomach. This was to the sound of girlish high squeals and laughter.

"Get up Dadda -'s late. Dadda - wake up, c'mon, Susie tickle him"- suggested by his eldest daughter Narrelle.

"All right - all right - stop it." pleaded Peter "I'm awake. - Don't tick - ha. Ha. Ha. Stop it - ha - he - he - alright you've won, I'm awake." He heard Brenda call out "C'mon girls - Let daddy get up. Come and have your cereal."

Pushing all memories of the previous night away, Peter resumed the mantle of the family man. He got dressed in casual jeans and went into the kitchen.

"Morning," said Brenda as she poured milk into the girls bowls. "You were pretty late last night. Yet again, I might add."

"Yeah, sorry - My Friday card nights are getting longer. Guess the other guys are being roused on as well."

"Well, I don't know about the other wives, because I haven't met them - Have I? Seems we have to make a sacrifice just so you guys can have a good time - Coffee?"

"Thanks - Yeah well, I don't go out every night and if we had something planned, I would forgo the cards. You can't begrudge me one night a week."

"Ok." Brenda heaved a sigh. "It's just that the girls miss you. I suppose we're being a bit selfish in wanting to see you every night." This, a little bitchy.

Through the gently rising steam from his coffee, Peter observed Brenda. She was a good-looking chick - a brunette with big bones and creamy skin. Her green eyes were capable of changing color as her moods alternated. She had a good figure, even after two childbirths, and could still fill out a swimsuit alluringly. A few of Peter's friends told him he was very lucky to have a looker like Brenda - and that he didn't deserve her. Typical crap. Peter thought -

Who, in their right mind, would want to risk all this for random sexual encounters. Hmm - I guess, I do.

"Daddy, I got into trouble at school yesterday because a really biiggg boy hit me." This announcement came from Narrelle, in her most commanding voice. Although he knew he was opening Pandora's proverbial box and that he would be sorry, he was obligated to say -

"Why did you get into trouble, if a big boy hit you?"

"Cause I spit in his lunch when he wasn't looking. But a school teacher saw me and reported me to old Mrs. Fosdyke, the Headmistress." announced Narrelle. This, it seemed, to a six y.o was justification for a wrongful deed.

"Oh daddy, she's such a big fibber ". Susie challenged her big sister. He didn't hit you - I heard you on the phone telling one of your friends that you just made up that story to find an excuse to spit on him. And I think you're disgusting."

"Stop it girls," commanded Brenda. Then to Peter "They are misbehaving because they don't see enough of you".

Inwardly he sighed, but didn't respond to the obvious challenge. "What's on for today?" He put his hand up to stop any more dialogue from his daughters. "Whoowa - Let me talk to Mummy."

"Well, I've got to do some catering and you've got to clean the Bbq, 'cause Maria and Karl are coming over tomorrow for lunch". "Hold on", he said, "Karl didn't say anything to me last Saturday at the footy."

"That's because Maria and I only decided yesterday at school," responded Brenda. "We thought it was a good idea because the weathers so good."

"Cool," announced his sophisticated oldest 6 y.o." I like Uncle

Karl, he makes me laugh."

At this, Brenda looked up at Peter and said, "Some people would like to do more than laugh with him."

Peter was suddenly intrigued. What was Brenda on about? He waited for Brenda's next words, which were -

"One of the other teachers told Maria that Karl was a 'doll' - a very attractive spunk. She nearly implied that he was too good for Maria. Maria told her to keep her hands off her husband and stop acting like a slut. We had a nasty scene developing. Hey Peter - are you OK? You look a bit flustered."

"Just listening" he answered back. Then added - "I suppose you could say that Karl is good looking."

Brenda continued with,

"Yeah, to another male he's just good looking, but to a female, by any name, Karl is spunk. I'll tell you why."Peter now began to feel uncomfortable.

"Firstly, look at his skin. A woman notices these things. It's like satin in texture and seems to glow with health. Secondly, he's got fantastic legs - I guess from climbing ladders and such. And thirdly, but not the least, his fantastic bum. He's just got a great arse. And when you put all these together with a handsome face - Well, it's easy to see why girls find him cute and cuddly. In fact one teacher likened him to the actor Casper Van Diem." Now, for a moment, Peter actually felt a surge of jealousy. Brenda's description was painfully accurate. I'm not the only one attracted to Karl. Oh how bloody wonderful.

"Yeah, I guess you women would find him 'cute'. I'll have a word tomorrow and tell him to wear a sheet like the Arabs do."

"Don't you dare," laughed Brenda. "Anyway - what are you going to do today?"

Narrelle, who had been waiting for a chance to interject, said, "Daddy's taking me for a swim - Just me and not you Susie. You're not old enough."

Predictably, Susie started to cry, "Me too, I want to go - I'm not too young. I hate you 'relle."

"Ok you two, knock it off. I'm not going swimming - I'm going to clean the BBQ and then sit down this 'arvo and watch the footie."

With that, he finished the rest of his coffee and left Brenda to start cleaning up, and of course, to referee between the girls.

However, Brenda couldn't help thinking about the pensive look Peter had when she was talking about Karl. Perhaps she had come on a bit strong. Peter was jealous - After all, he was only human. She could not then tell him that the other teachers were speculating about the size of Karl's penis - behind Maria's back, of course.

Sunday arrived bright and clear. It was great BBQ weather. Yesterday, the 'Saints' had lost to the 'Swanees', but this loss couldn't dampen Peters spirits as he prepared for the bbq. Actually, he loved cooking Bbq and was proud of his set up. Brenda had busied herself fixing side dishes for the food. Not that she had a lot to do. Last Friday, when planning the bbq, she and Maria had organized who was going to do what. Anyway, Maria was a good cook - She always prepared something special.

Several blasts of a car horn eventually announced the arrival of Maria and Karl. Whilst Maria carried her food to the kitchen, Karl strolled around back to the bbq area.

"Hey buddy," a voice called. Peter looked up from his 'chores' and took in the magnificent spectacle that was Karl. Today, he was wearing a white T/Shirt that stretched over his chest, and tight blue jeans. Just beautiful, Peter thought, a superb, young male animal. Peter's mouth was dry as he fought to keep his inner feelings in check.

Never before had he been envious of a pair of jeans, but those jeans just clung possessively to Karl's superb legs.

"What's doing?" said Karl with his usual radiant smile. "What did you think of the game yesterday?"

"Yeah, it was a fiasco. We were piss-weak. Our midfield just couldn't get on top. The ball hardly got past the half-forward line. Also, our kicking in front of goal let us down badly. Did you watch it?"

"Nah," said Karl "I'm a coward. I knew we were going to get done, but not by five goals. I was thinking about giving you a call - you know, misery loves company."

"Well, let's drown our sorrows now. Get yourself a beer", invited Peter. "Ta." responded Karl. Peter watched as Karl leaned into the esky and retrieved a can of Fosters. With a practiced movement, he peeled the top off and took a long swig at the beer.

"I'all join you - how's work? It's been good weather for tiling roofs this week, hasn't it? I love Melbourne's weather this time of year."

"Yeah, weathers fine, but works just so and so," admitted Karl. "I had to stand down 3 of my gang because orders are slowing up. It seems that good weather relaxes people about the state of their roofs. I always find that when bad storms are predicted, I get frantic calls from customers to inspect or repair their roofs. It's a bitch. If repairs are needed, we can't get them done because of the weather. Ya can't win. Anything I can do to help?"

"Nah mate. Thanks anyway. Just relax and get pissed. Let Uncle Peter look after you. My world famous bbq steak awaits your hungry tummy."

"Sounds great, can't wait. Actually, I'd like to talk to you about something. Fact is I regard you as my best friend" Karl's tone had softened to a cautious level. "I've some personal issues that are bugging me. Well, one in particular Can we talk later - just you and me?"

"Yeah, of course. How about we meet Tuesday night, down the pub. The girls will be joining soon and we can't have a heart to heart with them listening in. Can it wait till then?"

"Yeah sure - yeah, you're right. It can wait. Hey, what's happening with you? You're looking real good."

"Not much, I've been working steady - the business is going well. I've got more doctors recommending me for treatment of diabetes and sports injury trauma. Main thing is it keeps the bank manager happy. Brenda's good and the girls are being themselves."

At this point in the conversation, Peter's thoughts turned briefly to Friday nights and his encounters at the steam-bathes. If Karl ever went to 'Spartacus' he would be extremely popular. He was relaxed now as the beer did its work. Peter's heart started beating wildly as the thought of seeing Karl completely undressed and spread out beneath him. He had the beginnings of an erection. Down Boy!

Back in the kitchen, Maria was helping Brenda with the salads. In fact, Maria had taken over from Brenda, as she was, everyone agreed, a very good salad maker. As she turned around to place a platter of'nibbles' on a tray, Brenda glanced at Maria. How I wish I had her creamy complexion, she mused. Maria was a dark brunette and her soft complexion highlighted her dark hair. But her normally very pretty face was set in a half frown.

"What's the matter girl, you look a bit down."

"Oh. It's just that Karl and I had a bit of bad news the other night - nothing serious. If we get a chance at school, I'll chat to you. We're just going through a rough patch. And Karl's business is a bit slow."

"We all have 'blue' patches. Just keep remembering you've got a great guy, and you both make a handsome couple. You know, you and Karl are our closest and dearest friends. You can talk to me girl, anytime you want."

"Thanks Brenda, that means a lot. I'm lucky I've got such a good friend as you."

"Hey, I'm honored. Right - now what are you making for our'cavemen'."

"Caesar salad." said Maria, happy to change the subject. "I'm making it with lots of avocado, just for Peter. What with your famous

'old fashioned' potato salad and my 'Avocado Caesar' the boys will be eating out of our hands."

"Great, "smiled Brenda. "I'll get everything ready to take out".

Out at the bbq, Karl had consumed two cans, and was feeling more relaxed. He was glad they hadn't discussed his problems because Karl wasn't sure how to open the subject. It could wait till next Tuesday. To lighten the atmosphere he said -

"I reckon if our midfielders can up their work rate by 50% we might have a chance of making the finals this year. We've got a damn good forward line, particularly centered on Riewold. Even with the poor delivery rate from our midfield he's still the leading goal-kicker."

"Yeah," agreed Peter. "That's spot on, all we need is more ball in the 50 meter zone and we're away."

"Hey, I hope you're coming to the game next Saturday. It should be a challenge against the 'magpies'."

"Yep", Karl said emphatically." I'll be there. And I'll probably have a guest - that OK?"

"That's Fine by me." Peter was about to ask who Karl was bringing, when the girls arrived on the scene with the salads.

Lunch proceeded at a comfortable pace only experienced by people who were very close friends. The afternoon went slowly and quietly. Both Karl and Peter were getting pleasantly drunk. As Maria was driving, Karl could drink as much as he wanted to. But to Brenda, the famous women's intuition' told her that there was a strain between Maria and Karl. She mused that the bbq, Maria's idea, was to compensate for whatever issue lay between the couple. She, being a woman, immediately thought that Karl might be cheating on Maria. After all, Karl could probably get any woman he wanted. If so, it would be a terrible shame. Her marriage to Peter was solid and she thought it inconceivable that Peter would stray and endanger all that they had, as a family.

Taking their leave, Karl was about to make arraignments for next Saturday when Peter reminded him of their meeting on Tuesday.

"I'all see you at the pub at 6pm," said Peter. "We can arrange our meeting for Saturday then."

Cleaning up the bbq stuff, Brenda related to Peter the brief words she had with Maria about their problems.

"Yeah," said Peter. "Karl gave me an impression that something was troubling him. He didn't mention Maria." Turning to face Brenda, he said, "We have agreed to meet down the Pub, Tuesday night. He seemed, not so much upset, but pre-occupied. It's hard to tell with Karl- He plays very close to his chest. Maybe it's a German thing. What did Maria say?"

"Not much. She half promised to talk to me at school. Now I'm intrigued. Karl wants to talk to you, one on one, and Maria wants to discuss the issue with me when Karl's not around. This is getting mysterious."

"Well, as I said, it's hard to tell with Karl. Anyway, I'm meeting him at 6 pm, so I guess I'll find out then what's doing. I hope it's not serious."

"OK. I'll finish here you go and watch the telly, and, Peter, take some time to play with the girls."

Consciousness came slowly and painfully. Gradually, her thoughts began to focus. Vague recollections of the previous night assaulted her. Billee became more aware of her surroundings. She was in a bed, but whose? Oh God \- Where the hell was she? With some trepidation, she let her hand slide slowly beside her and, - Relief. She was alone. But, where alone? It was dark, but she heard distinct daytime sounds coming from somewhere. Then she realized that it was only dark because she had the blanket pulled over her head. Her next courageous move was to peek out from the blanket to see if she could recognize her surroundings. Slowly she lowered the blanket and with one eye, peeked out at the morning.

All she could see was the ceiling of her own room. She was in her own bed and, more importantly, alone. Thank you, lord.

She took a few moments to relax and slow her beating heart. She crawled back under the blanket where it was safe.

Perhaps if I stay here all day I won't have to remember anything about last night - just dream of beautiful things. The nasty world would just go away.

But then she said to herself -

Come on girl, where's your courage. Get up and face the day. It can't be all bad.

Summoning all her strength, she lowered the blanket, sat up - and froze.

There on the bedpost, the right-hand bedpost was a pair of male jockey shorts. And they didn't look fresh.

A jumble of terrified thoughts went through her - whose? How? Where is the owner? - Oh my God, what had she done - and with whom? She couldn't remember anything. Where was Vera - It was all her fault.

Just then a voice, Sam's voice, called from the kitchen "You awake babe? I've got some hot and strong coffee ready."

"Yes - I'm awake," she said, addressing the pair of jockey shorts. "Give me a minute."

"Ok - And by the way, have you seen a pair of my undershorts anywhere? I've misplaced them." This followed by sounds of barely restrained laughter. In fact, Sam was losing control of his giggles.

Then it hit Billee - Sammy had set her up. Giving way to waves of relief, she yelled -

"YOU BLOODY LITTLE SHIT - YOU BASTARD - I"M GOING TO KILL YOU . . . YOU . . . YOU DICKHEAD."

With that, she flew out of bed, tore into the kitchen, under full sail, and rigged for action, to find Sam doubled up over the kitchen table. He was heaving with laughter. Racing back into her bedroom she grabbed the jockeys, flounced back to the kitchen and stuffed the offending, unfresh, apparel into his coffee cup.

When all the hilarity has subsided, Sam asked her about last night. "You got in very late and very pissed," he reflected. "Where did you and Vera go?"

"Just the local - I think we met up with some of the local footy boys, and - don't remember much more. How did I get home? Has Vera rung?"

"No, she hasn't - And I think I heard a cab. You really tied one on. I got the impression that you were trying to drown sorrows - You seemed really sad when you got home - I think the term is 'maudlin' drunk." Sam paused and thought very carefully about what he was going to say next.

"Hey Billee, I know I've only known you for a couple of months, but I get the feeling that something's bothering you. Underneath that brash exterior of yours is a vulnerable human being. I hope you'll treat me as a friend. You've been listening to all my problems, but aside from your rotten marriage, you haven't said a lot about YOU. Anytime you feel like chatting - I'm here."

"Thanks Sammy - You're spot on. Sometimes I think I can cope, but then, memories come flooding back and whamee, and I'm back down in the pits."

"Yeah, in the short time I've known you, I can tell when you're starting to crumble. Look, I'm only 22 and just a kid, but I do know that bottling up your feelings and then using alcohol to self-medicate is not good. Sometimes we just need to talk."

"Yeah - I guess you do. I reckon you know what trouble is."

All this time Billee had been thinking, she needed to talk. In the past, she avoided inflicting her problems on other people. Even Vera, a close buddy, only knew a little of her past. Whilst she regarded Vera as a close friend, she seemed a bit shallow to share very personal problems. And here was Sammy, just a kid really, who had borne too many of life's problems at so young an age, yet kept a level head. She had to start trusting someone. Why not Sammy?

"Look Sammy, I'm going to trust you. You're right - I do need to talk, and you're close to me like a little brother. You're more a family than, I believe I've ever had." Billee paused and took a long drag of her cigarette followed by a gulp of coffee. And, started talking -.

"I met Max when I was only 19. He was very good looking and, to tell the truth, I lusted after him. Then I got pregnant and we married. Just like that. It was more a physical arrangement than a love affair. I have a son, Sammy - his name is Luke."

At this point Sam tried to interject to show his surprise Billee had really dropped a bombshell.

"No, please let me finish, I need to tell this. Luke was born with Attention Deficit Disorder, and other problems. As he grew older, it became obvious that he needed special care. My marriage had turned sour, so I decided that Luke needed shielding from all the domestic shit that was going on. He is in a special school up in the Dandenongs that caters for kids like him. Actually, he's very happy and is doing well. I go up and see him each fortnight, and - oh Sammy, I love him dearly. Sometimes I feel like I could just explode with love. Taking a slug of coffee and another drag of her cigarette, she continued -

"Anyway, soon after I put Luke in school, the marriage really went belly up. I found that Max was a closet bisexual, and had been sleeping around with both guys and women. Don't get me wrong, you know I'm not against gays, but he admitted he was having unprotected sex. And then coming home too little 'ol me."

"Christ," said Sam under his breath. "What an arsehole. To put you, and his son, at risk like that. He should be castrated."

"Yeah," responded Billee. "Cheating on me was one thing - I guess I could have handled that. But to put my life at risk - I shudder to think about it. I mean, there's Luke. He's only got me. Max couldn't care less. He hasn't been to see Luke in over 5 years, and that's the way I want it."

"Let me continue. We got divorced about 3 years ago and by that time Max had really hit the skids. He lost his cab license, then evicted from his flat, and took to booze and eventually, drugs. I used to give him money when he was very desperate, even though it left me short. I was living over in Sunbury. To get away from Max and bad memories, I moved over here and I rented this place 2years ago. Max will find me eventually, but, for the time being, I'm safe. And the best thing was when your aunt saw my advert for a flat mate and - Well, you know the rest."

"Christ Billee," said Sam very subdued. "You've got a lot of bad stuff. And I thought I had problems. I'm going to stand with you and help you in any way you want me to." With that, Sam got up, came around behind Billee and gave her a big hug.

To Sam's amazement, Billee started sobbing, slowly at first and then as her control relaxed she released her pain in uncontrolled tears. For some time the two of them stayed like that, until Billee exhausted all her tears.

"I'm sorry; I haven't had such good blubber in a long time. I actually feel better. You're right - It's good to just let it out."

To Sam, having Billee as a close friend was a welcome, and new, experience. He never had a close friend. Back in Perth, he avoided close personal contact in order to keep his sexual preferences private. He chose to banish himself from friendship as an alternative to being shunned by family and society.

So here was an older and yes, a female person, offering him her friendship. All of a sudden, Sam did not feel alone. He released Billee, sat down and said. "I'd like to come and see Luke with you. I'm picking up my car tomorrow and a run up the Dandenongs would be great. Ok?"

"Sammy - that would be terrific. When could we go?"

"How about the weekend after next? That'll give me time to get the feel of the car and sort out some minor problems. Also, I've made a commitment to see the footy this Saturday and I don't want to change. The following weekend would be better for me. Ok by you?"

"Yeah", Luke was expecting me this weekend, but I'll call and tell him I'm bringing you up the following Saturday."

"Done," said Sammy. "Let's clean up our mess."

On Tuesday afternoon, Peter arrived at the Pub around 5:45 and strolled into the Public bar. He waved a greeting to friends who were calling him over. Then spying Karl seated by himself, he declined their invitation and joined Karl.

"Howzit, mate," Peter offered. Karl merely nodded a greeting. He looked drawn, Peter thought. Karl was always a happy- go- lucky type and this subdued mood was really out of character. His beautiful brown eyes that normally sparkled were dull and listless. Karl radiated despair and depression. He looked drawn and had obviously deteriorated since the bbq. Peter was glad that they were alone.

"Just a sec," Said Peter. "I'll go and get myself a brew". With that, he went to the bar and waited to be served. But he couldn't avoid a "How're ya goin' mate". The voice came from Rick who was a friend of both Peter and Karl.

"What's with Karl?" Rick asked. "He looks like he's got the world on his shoulders. He refused to join us. That's unlike Karl. How about I buy a round and join youse?"

"Nah, thanks, but leave it mate. He wants to chew the fat with me. Needs to get something off his chest, I reckon."

"Ok," said Rick. "I'll leave you to it. Just let me know if I can help." With that, Peter paid for his beer and returned to Karl's table.

"Rick just mentioned that you look down in the dumps. You're my best buddy Karl, and it hurts me to see you looking so miserable. Get it off your chest and remember whatever it is, it's cool with me and won't go any further."

He watched as Karl silently struggled with his emotions. Finally, a wave of defeat seemed to consume him. He sighed and took a long drink of his beer. "Well, here goes." He mumbled.

"As you know, Maria and I have been trying to conceive for the past 3 years. Well, last year we went to a fertility clinic to get some advice. It was horrible. Our sex life became a process of taking temperatures and watching calendar dates. Sex became a chore, but we persevered in the belief that it was for a good cause. After six months, there was still no sign of conception. It was then they advised we take some tests to see if there was any impediment to conception. The results came back last week."

He paused and Peter could see that he was going through an immense struggle. Suddenly he blurted -

"Shit Pete, I'M BARREN. I'm shooting blanks . . . My sperm count is ZERO! Nada!, and Nichts. I'm just a fucking, useless shit of a man."

The effort to get it out and tell me was so overpowering he started to sob quietly. Peter watched in despair as his shoulders began to heave with the pain of his revelation. He wanted to put his arms around him to provide comfort. The seating arrangement prohibited this. However, he reached out and held Karl's hand. In addition, felt a wave of caring overwhelm him as he sought for some way to share, if not lessen his anguish. All he could offer was -

"Bloody Hell, oh fuck. Shit mate."

Like a drowning man fighting for survival, Karl grasped Peter's hand. In a way, Pete understood what Karl was going through. Every male harbors the deepest fear of either being barren or being castrated.

In Karl's case, it was worse. Being of German stock and as the only child, he was expected to continue the family line. He would be diminished in his father's and grandfather's eyes. A failure.

Peter's family had always been extremely fertile and having children was never a problem. He just didn't know what to say.

They sat for a little while without saying anything - he still held on to Pete's hand tightly - almost afraid to let go.

Peter could almost feel his anguish. After awhile he became less tense but kept holding on to Peters hand. Fighting to find the right words all Peter could muster was -

"What a bummer. Mate I'm so sorry. No wonder you're upset. I know what having a kid means to you. But look -" As his thoughts gathered steam he began to talk positively. "Let's look at the situation with some objectively. One, you find it hard to deal with as a person. That's understandable. You're only human. Let it go, don't fight the pain. Be miserable. Just go along with the pain. In time - in good old time, it will lessen.

Two - Tell your family to butt piss off! It's your life, not theirs. I mean, they don't have the right to expect you to keep the family name going. Tell them to stuff off. I'm not recommending this, but you can always adopt. But that's for later. Anyway - how's Maria taking it?"

"She's OK, I guess - probably relieved she's not the problem. We were beginning to suspect that she couldn't have kids and that was stressing her out. Now we know it's me, I guess she's thankful. But I don't think it has really sunk in yet. It will though, and when reality hits, who knows what she will do. Oh, and by the way her tests came back A, OK. With another partner, she can have as many kids as she wants. With another partner"

He was sounding less stressed and in fact gradually let go of Peter's hand. But his internal pain was obvious - He looked like a confused little boy.

"Karl," said Peter. "I'm privileged that you could tell me. I'm there for you mate. I hope you know that. And it stays between you and moi. I won't say anything to Brenda unless you say OK."

"No - You may as well tell Brenda. I know Maria's going to tell her at school. But, just between us kids, OK." Then he whispered - "I feel so ashamed."

"Oh, that's bullshit" Peter exclaimed. "That's just total bullshit. What are you ashamed of? You haven't done anything wrong. That's just the way you were made. You had no bloody choice than, say, a black person has being born black, or a person born with a heart defect, or a gay person being born gay. I mean, when did you choose to get rid of your sperm? Ha. Well, you didn't. What you're worrying about is what other people will think about you. Well - STUFF 'EM. Nobody has the right to sit in judgment on another person."

However, other thoughts were running through Peters mind.

I think I am overdoing it. I get angry when other people pre-judge gay people. It makes me hopping mad. But this wasn't about me so I must calm down. Karl is looking at me a bit startled.

Both their glasses were empty and, indeed, Peter needed another drink. He called for a break and headed to the bar. This time he ordered two of the biggest glasses possible. Rick sidled up and in a low voice asked -

"Is everything Ok. I mean you both look as if the worlds just collapsed and we've lost our footy coach."

"Yeah Rick, I can't say too much. Karl's got some big problems - at work. I'm just allowing him to get some shit off his liver."

As he was turning to leave, Rick said, "About Saturday, if you're going to the footy - mind if I tag along?"

"Hey, that's cool," Peter replied. "Call me Saturday morning and we'll arrange how to meet up."

Returning to Karl, he placed the large beer down in front of him and said "Drink Up. That's an order."

Karl took a large gulp, but remained silent and brooding. Peter wasn't sure what to say next or really how to handle the situation. Karl was a very deep person. In fact, at times Pete wondered if he knew him at all. Get past the beautiful body and great looks and inside was probably a very mixed up person. Would this very private sharing bring them closer? Nah. \- That was just fantasy, or wishful thinking. Anyway, what a bastard act to hope that he would gain out of Karl's misfortune. Wake up Peter. Aloud he managed -

"Hey, have you thought about a second opinion? Tests can be wrong." Christ that sounded shallow.

"No." came out emphatically as he knew it would. "I've got to find a way to tell my father. Any suggestions?"

"Well," Peter reflected. "There's probably a dozen different and clever ways to go about telling, but the only advice I can give, is to just tell him. Remember, you can't save his feelings - he has to deal with the facts as they are. He has to deal with reality his way. Just get him aside privately and tell him. You may be surprised."

"Yeah - I guess you're right. I'll only get myself more messed up if I brood over which way to tell him is best. I guess my main concern is Maria. What will she do? I know she desperately needs kids and now that's something I cannot give her. It will mess her up."

"Yeah probably," Pete said. "But she loves you and that's very important. Start making plans for adoption. You won't have any problem applying. Every marriage goes through upheaval and only time can soothe the wounds."

Then Peter experienced a kick in his emotional guts.

Here I am advising Karl on his marriage problems when mine are worse. It's easy to give advice to someone else but when it comes to your own personal problems, it's easy to avoid the pain. Why don't I just up and tell Brenda that I'm gay? I know why - Because I haven't thought it all out. Would the truth destroy Brenda? What about the children - what's going to happen to them? Then, what about me?

Can I really face life as a gay person? Can I handle the hostility that goes with gay people? Will I end up old and alone, with few friends and ostracized by my family? I know nothing about gay life except for sex in bathhouses. I don't even have anyone to talk to. I suppose I should go to a gay counselor.

Then, how about my own words to Karl. "What are you ashamed of? . . . That's just the way you were made". Was I really prepared to live the rest of my life as a lie? My sex life with Brenda was diminishing. My sex drive was definitely with males. Fridays are eagerly awaited.

I'm going to tell Brenda - when the time is right. It is going to hurt Brenda, the kids, family and friends. And it was going to hurt me. I hope that it'll only be short term. The alternative of trying to maintain a lie would only end up with more hurt, for everyone, in the end.

Karl broke into his thoughts with,

"What's up Pete looks like you've got wind?"

"Sorry," Peter responded. "I was just thinking how life has a habit of suddenly hitting you in the guts - without warning. Karl, I wish could banish your pain. I wish I could transfer your problem to myself. But I can't do that. All I can do is what we're doing now - talking. I'm here for you - always. There may come a time when I might need a friend, and I hope it's you."

On that note, Peter tried to close the discussion.

"Look, I'm going to have a few drinks with the boys - Want to join?"

After a moment, Karl said, "Nah - I don't feel like socializing. Anyway, I'll see you Saturday."

"OK - you take care."

Chapter 3

Saturday morning arrived with Peter getting up early. No Friday night steam bath visits and not much booze meant he awoke with a clear head, and mouth. Both he and Brenda were very subdued all week with the news from Karl and Maria.

# They realized that their friends had become victims of one of nature's cruelest acts. Maria, Brenda told Peter, was uncharacteristically quiet. All she said was that she loves Karl and that they will get through this crisis together. Brenda wasn't fooled.

Brenda also sensed that Peter was deeply troubled, apparently about Karl's news. He had become very withdrawn and quiet. All Peter would say was he felt deeply for Karl and had offered help in any way, should Karl want it. However, Brenda sensed that something else was troubling him. She had caught him at times staring unto the distance. For some time now, she sensed that they were drifting apart. They had sex only infrequently and this was usually fuelled by alcohol. She understood that sex was important to maintain the bonding process between two people.

Being the practical person she was she turned her attention to the coming days needs. The kids, breakfast, tidying and shopping. The girls were going to a birthday party this afternoon, so her whole day was organized ahead of her. Luckily, Peter was going to the footy this afternoon. She would at least be spared his brooding company.

Peter strolled into the kitchen and said nothing until he poured himself a cup of coffee. "Mornin 'babe" he mumbled. "Mornin girls - how're my princesses this morning?" There followed the usual effervescent chatter of children trying to gain attention of parents.

Before he had a chance to intervene, Susie piped up and said. "Dada, what's a prick?"

Silence.

Brenda abruptly ceased what she was doing and Peter stood at the table dumfounded. Too shocked to respond, the silence was broken by Susie again repeating "Dada what's a prick?"

Finding his voice at last Peter said sternly "Where did you hear that word - it's very rude?" To that Susie replied,

"I heard Uncle Rick say that the Prime Minister is a prick." Narrelle then joined in challenging her sister. "He did not Susie -

You're wrong. He said the Prime Minister is a stupid prick. And I know what stupid is 'cause you're stupid."

"Am not 'relle," shouted an incensed Susie. "Am not stupid - You're stupid."

This saved their parents, because the first question was forgotten while the two girls battled to accuse each other of being stupid.

Needing to get a word in, and ease the situation, Brenda asked

"What time are you heading out to the footy?"

"Rick's coming by around 12:15 and we're meeting Karl about 12:30 at the pub."

Brenda noticed that Peter still seemed subdued and asked "Hon. is everything O K? You don't seem happy - a bit pre-occupied. If it's about Karl, Maria told me yesterday that her cousin was coming down for the weekend and this should spark Karl up. There's nothing like a third person to divert personal problems. She also said that they had started to consider adoption. But Karl had still not told his father."

"How do you think Maria's taking it? Do you think it'll damage their relationship?"

"Hard to tell" said Brenda sadly. "I hope it doesn't - They are a great couple together."

"Well," Pete said as he finished his coffee and got up."Only time will tell."

Rick dully arrived at 12. Noon and they set out to meet Karl at the pub. Karl was late, so Peter and Rick settled down with a couple of beers. "Any news about Karl and his big problem?" Rick gently inquired. "Nope," Replied Peter. "But, it's not a problem that can't be overcome"

"Well, you and Karl are pretty thick so I know you'll help him through whatever ails him. C'mon, give me a clue."

"Sorry Rick. I promised Karl I would keep our natter just between Karl and me. However, I don't like mysterious secrets. I'll tell you if Karl says OK. OK?"

"Well, speak of the devil here's Karl now - and his buddy. G'day my friend", roared Rick "UP SAINTS".

"G'day Rick, you noisy bastard," retorted Karl. Then when Peter turned around to face Karl, he stared straight at – Sam! Sam from the bathhouse. Sam, whom he hadn't given a solitary thought during the past two weeks. Now here he was standing in front of him, about to be introduced by Karl as Marias cousin.

Peter suddenly felt breathless. Sam was dressed in a white T-Shirt with a "freo" logo, and tight blue jeans. Peter felt the same pleasant flush as when he had first spied the lad at the bathhouse. What gorgeous brown eyes. And handsome features. And kissable lips. And that muscled chest. And he smelt great. He longed to kiss him.

To Sammy time seemed to stop. Peter had been in his thoughts constantly. He had waited and waited for a call but - nothing. He had given up - he was just another trophy, just another screw. So, Peter was married. That probably explained why he hadn't called back. All the same, Sammy didn't like being used. Sure, he enjoyed passive sex, but he was no easy prey. And now Peter was standing before him and being introduced by Karl. He felt pissed off.

Time paused for a whole micro second. It was as if they had become isolated from the rest of the people in the bar. Even the noise level diminished as they stared at each other in stunned recognition. Peter watched Sam's surprise turn to the beginnings of anger.

In reality, this eternity of silence lasted only several seconds. Karl proceeded to introduce Sam to both Peter and Karl. Neither Karl nor Rick noticed the flash of recognition that had passed between Sammy and Peter.

"Pete, this is Marias cousin Sam, who is staying with us for the weekend. Poor lad, he's a Freo supporter. But as you can see he's got broad shoulders and a thick skin."

"Call me Sammy," invited Sam while shaking hands with both Peter and Rick.

"How 'bout we call you 'Sammy the poor Freo bastard'?" joked

Rick. Peter thought--- good on you Rick for lightening the atmosphere.

"OK," laughed Sam. then queried, "My shout?"

As Sammy walked away Rick said, "Seems like a good bloke" And to Karl "Have you known him long?"

"Nah", responded Karl "he came over from Perth a few months back - trouble with his old man. Maria's mum helped him settle in a place but we haven't seen him since he came over. Its Maria's dad's birthday tomorrow and he's down for the bbq.

After a few more beers, they made their way to the footy ground. The game was close, exciting and immensely enjoyed by Rick and Karl. The Saints were on top right from the get-go. But to Peter and Sam the strain of being together, but apart, was hard. No opportunity to speak privately presented itself at the footy ground. However, they frequently looked at each other, conversing with their eyes. Sammy had claimed the moral high ground, which left Peter uncomfortable.

God he's beautiful thought Peter. I want to embrace him - tell him I'm sorry for not calling. But I didn't make any promises did I? Nor did I give him my number in return. He really has no right to get heavy with me. If only I could get him alone, so we could talk. He now knows that I'm married. That must explain why I hadn't called him. And what about Karl? He seemed to have shrugged off all his worries of being sterile. He was enjoying Sam's company. In fact, everyone except me is enjoying the footy. What a mess. I'm attracted to both Karl and Sam. It's frustrating. My life is becoming too complicated.

The 'Saints' won in a close game, so to celebrate the win, the four of them returned to the local pub. Foreigners, - those unfortunates that do not follow the game of Aussie Rules, cannot ever understand the religious fervor of the game's supporters. Just to see a game of 'footy' is exhilarating, but if your team wins, exuberance reaches a height of insanity. The beer flowed freely.

Rick was a character. The more he drank he somehow became more endearing. Ultimately, Sammy was introduced to Peter's friends - all Saints supporters, and all in carefree spirits. Sam covertly took stock of the 'lads' and concluded that Peter and Karl were by far the most attractive. But where Karl was drop-dead good looking, Peter was very desirable, especially to Sam.

Christ, he thought, Peter really turns me on. He radiates the image of the dominant aggressive male. He's not "pretty" handsome but is ruggedly masculine.

Sammy remembered his muscular torso with its light covering of hair. Every so often, Sam's gaze would wonder to Peter's crutch and the memory of those hidden delights. Please - Please - just let me feel him one more time and I will be forever happy.

Just then, a tanned and muscled arm draped itself around Sammy. "How're ya goin' mate", slurred Rick. "Hope youse enjoyed the game and the piss up. Now you're living here, we'll have to make you a Saints supporter. Hey better still, why don't you come down to our local footy club - we're looking for a rover and you look like you can handle it."

"Thanks Rick, but I gave up footy about 4 years ago. I'm now out of condition" - Shit, thought Sam, Rick smelt like the proverbial brewery.

"Balls," Growled Rick, "You do heavy work as a builder's laborer. That should keep you in top condition."

At that moment, Peter leaned across and gave Sam a business card. "Talking about being fit, here's my business card. Any time you want, I'll give you a free physio. Read it carefully" he looked at Sam pointedly as he said the last words.

"Thank you Peter," Sammy said formally. "That's very nice of you."

"What's this "thank you Peter" bullshit," rumbled Rick, "Peters a fucking arsehole. You can be a dead prick at times, Pete my boy. Any way - your shout Pete. Go get another round."

As Peter went off to the bar, Sam disentangled himself from Rick and headed for the toilet. Curious about the card, Sam pulled it out and read it. The front showed Peters business details, including his mobile, while on the back was written

Have to talk to you

Call me on my mobile As soon as you read this I'm really sorry Sammy

Sammy looked at the message and experienced a wave of relief, and then became curious. Well, no time but the present - Peter was supposedly away at the bar. He dialed Peter's mobile number. After several rings, Peter answered with -

"Hello, Peter here." After a moment's hesitation Sammy said, "Peter, its Sam. - Your note said to call you."

"Oh, yeah, umm, yeah. I desperately need to talk. Real and I mean real glad you called. I suppose it's been as shitty for you as it has for me. Where are you now?" Peter sounded anxious.

"In the toilet - rented a cubicle \- ha, ha, ha. Yeah - I guess a talk would be good. Now would not be good. What do you suggest?"

"Ah - What time are you going back to Melbourne tomorrow?" "Bout five," replied Sammy. "You know about my uncle's bbq at Karl's place?"

"Yeah, - Look, you've got my business address on my card. How about we meet there on your way home. You give me a call when you leave Karl's and I'll meet you out front." Peter was talking fast and betraying his nervousness.

"OK by me - see you around 5pm tomorrow. And Peter, I don't enjoy being a trophy." With that, Sammy hung up before Peter could respond.

When Sammy returned to the lads, Peter was just delivering their drinks. He gave Sam a questioning look and Sam responded with a smile.

After a while, Sam was feeling a little, if not a lot, drunk. He noticed that Karl's eyes were getting glassy. On the other hand, Peter seemed to carry his booze very well. Rick had become legless and kept putting his arm around Sammy. At one stage Peter said forcefully "Geez Rick Leave Sammy alone - you look like yer gonna kiss him."

"Ahh - fuck off Peter, Sammy's me mate - he's gonna come and play with the dolphins next year, and we'll screw every Sheila on the peninsula. Right Sammy?"

"Yeah right Rick. You're me mate, but if you kiss me people might get the wrong idea."

"No - Not I mate. I can't be a poofter - I'm too ugly", said Rick laughing at his own joke. Peter and Sam shared a look between them.

At some stage, Karl's mobile rang. It was Maria to say that she was outside to take them home. Karl said a somewhat cool goodbye to Peter while Rick enveloped Sam in a bear hug.

"Look after my little buddy Karl \- he's gonna be a champion rover for the team, and -"

Karl interrupted by disentangling Sammy from Rick. Sammy said formally "Goodbye Peter, nice to meet you. Hope to see you again."

"Yeah - ok Sammy," responded Peter. "Nice to meet you too".

Arriving home, Karl and Sam sat outside enjoying a few more cans of beer. Dinner was from McDonalds because Maria was preparing the food for tomorrows BBQ.

"Well, what did you think of the lads?" asked Karl.

"Seemed like good blokes," offered Sam "Ricks a character. I like him. He's very open and honest."

"Yeah," said Karl. "With Rick, what you see is what you get. I don't think he's got a devious bone in him. He's basic, and that's why I like him. What about Peter, did you find him a bit stand-offish?"

"A bit," acknowledged Sammy. "Although I've only just met him and I try not to make impulsive judgments about people."

"A good plan," granted Karl. "Yeah, Pete and I are pretty close. I confide all my problems to him. He's more than a friend to me, more like a big brother. I like him a lot. He's a good-looking guy and I suppose his work keeps him really fit. Brenda, his wife, is a good sort and they've got two great little girls. Brenda is very basic, what you could call "salt of the earth" type. They make a good couple. But, ya know Sammy, I've noticed a bit of a change in Pete these last six months. It's as if he's getting restless or something. He seems to be troubled. I've been meaning to talk to him but, just recently, I've had my own problems to worry about. In fact I went and asked Pete for help when I should have been helping him."

To Sam this was getting on dangerous ground. To change the subject he said,

"I like Rick. He's very open and friendly. Even when pissed he becomes more endearing. I reckon he'd make a great mate. I hope I see more of him."

"I hope you will. No, I'm sure you will", responded Karl. "Just between us girls, I think Rick is a bit sweet on Brenda. They grew up together in Langwarrin. Even went out a few times when they were younger. Then Pete came along, and - well, the rest is history. Hey, how bout anther beer?"

Karl left to amble into the kitchen and Sammy followed his movement thinking what a good-looking guy he was. Now that he was properly pissed, he seemed to relax and open himself up. A wave of lust engulfed him, but he managed to control himself, as Karl returned with their beers.

"Shit, I'm pleasantly wasted," said Karl. "Marias going off her head saying I must be sober for tomorrow. But hey, fuck it Sammy, I don't get much time to relax. Anyway, tomorrow will be OK - BBQs are easy." Sammy just smiled agreement as Karl suddenly said -

"Listen Sammy, I know about you being gay. It's cool with Maria and me, but we're not telling anybody else. I guess that's your business. Anything I can do to help? Awe shit, that sounds as if you've got a problem. Sorry - I'm stupid."

Oh hell - here we go, thought Sammy. Karl's going to use the usual hetro approach that they are OK with homosexuality, that's its cool and doesn't bother them. It's called being politically correct. If only they knew, that most times this approach came across as being superior. Of course, they will keep the dirty little secret. Then again, perhaps I am being too hard on Karl.

"Nah, that's OK," acknowledged Sam. "I don't take offense any more. After all the names I've been called in the past, I've got a thick skin. Anyway, you and Maria are family. We're supposed to be straight with each other."

"If you don't mind talking - what's it like being gay?" asked Karl earnestly. "Do you ever wish you were straight? I mean you have to put up with such a lot of shit from just about everybody. It must have been hard growing up."

"Hey man, hard is too soft a word. It was Hell. I realized when I was about eleven that I was different. I was lonely. There was no one to talk to. At least, I didn't know where to go. Just think, you're eleven and you think you've got some terrible disease. At that age there was no positive reinforcement of being Gay in my family, school or religion. Those were very painful years. I've never felt so alone."

"Yeah," Karl broke in. "I think I can relate to what you're saying. I remember being eleven going on twelve. I was a mess. My body was changing and I was horribly confused by everything. I can relate to what you're saying."

"Do you Karl? Do you? I mean unless you've been through it, it's hard to understand the depth of isolation. Of course, when I was sixteen it was easier. There are good agencies and people to talk to. I went to some counseling and started to feel better about myself. I came to realize that I didn't have any problems in myself that the only real problem I had was dealing with Homophobia Then I started to mix with other gays, and, well - finally, I was not alone Of course, telling my folks was another thing. Mum was disappointed and all she could say was "but I won't be a grandmother". However, she came to accept me. Dad, on the other hand, was simply disgusted. And he told me so. Told me to get out and, well here I am."

"Well I reckon you're pretty cool. I mean, you don't act gay and the guys today accepted you, and even liked you. Well, all accept Peter. No, I didn't mean to imply that Peter doesn't like you - it's just Pete. Sometimes he can be a little cold. I get so pissed off at him some times. I wish he would unwind and join the rest of us. Like, he has it all. Good looks, great job, a great wife and kids. At least he doesn't fire blanks like me." Karl blurted the last words it seemed, without thinking.

Wow, Karl's little revelation made Sammy feel uncomfortable. Now, he supposed that Karl would regret opening his mouth. It was the booze talking hold.

"Yeah," continued Karl sadly, I can't have kids - I'm barren. We only just found out. At first, we thought the problem was Maria but only this week I found out it was me. Me, Me. I'm Barren. Got no sperm count."

"Geeze Karl, mate - I'm sorry. I really am. I know how much having kids mean to both of you. What a shitter. That's one hell of a body blow. Do you feel like talking about it?"

Cautiously Karl said, "Yeah, actually I do. I've been storing it all up. I told Pete early this week but I had to hold back. We were at the Pub and a lot of people were around - including Rick."

Careful, not to sound artificial, Sammy responded - "I'm not going to insult your intelligence by mentioning adoption and surrogacy and such. Just tell me how you feel."

There was relief in his voice as Karl said "Well, I feel ashamed. I come from German stock and having sons to keep the family name is very important. I feel ashamed that I can't beget kids. I haven't told my father yet. I recon he'll have the same reaction that your dad did. Also, I'm worried about Maria. I don't know how she really feels. All I know is that she wants kids - and I can't give them to her. Maybe adoption, but, your right, surrogacy is definitely out. I just don't feel like a man any more. Maybe it would be better if she divorced me."

"Hell Karl - listen to you. You're blaming yourself for something over which you had no choice. You didn't decide to be barren - You just are. Nothing you could do about it. It's not your fault. Just the same, I know how you must dread telling your father. I made myself sick before I got up the guts to tell my dad, I was gay. But, I'm not you. I can't know how you feel. I can only say how I would feel in the same situation."

"You think I'm being too hard on myself?" repeated Karl. "Yeah - you know, you're right. I'm no more to blame being barren than you are being gay. I just keep comparing myself to Peter and suppose I get envious of him. He's 'Mister Perfect'. Karl did sound envious.

"Look Karl - I don't know Peter that well, but I'm sure he isn't special. None of us is special. People come in all different types. There are Males and Females, Rich and Poor, Hetro and Homosexual, Tall and Short and - Breeders and Non Breeders". Looking at the world that way, you and I are the same - we're both Non Breeders and we have the same right to exist as do Breeders."

They both fell silent as Karl digested this. To Karl this made sense. He started to feel a little better for what Sammy was saying seemed to bring a small sense of relief. Yeah - why am I blaming myself for something I didn't do? But, of course, his father wouldn't see it that way. All his parents would think about was 'No Grandchildren'. Even though it was going to be painful, they had to know.

"Yeah, you're right Sammy. I can see where you're coming from. I'm glad we talked. You've given me a positive aspect on the whole thing. At least I can focus on something positive and not just feeling sorry for myself. I'm going to start thinking about how Maria and I can live with the situation."

"And it's going to take time," responded Sammy. "Someone once told me that life is like a game of cards - you can't do anything about the hand that's been given you, but it's how you play those cards that really count."

"That's an interesting way to look at life - geeze Sammy, there's more to you than just a pretty face."

At that moment, Maria yelled from the house. "C'mon boys, it's getting late. We have a long day tomorrow. I just hope Sammy; you're not trying to seduce Karl. He's mine. But he's weak - I have to protect him from himself."

"Oh shit, Maria - knock it off. Sammy and I are just talking." Laughingly Sammy said, so Maria could hear -

"Mr. Karl Sir, if it were offered, it would be both an honor and a privilege for me to have a romantic and satisfying relationship with your penis."

In response Karl laughed - "Let's hold that thought".

####

Chapter 4

Rick slowly emerged from the alcoholic haze that seemed to shelter him. With increasing awareness, came the realization that he was not in his own bed. There was a little pink bunny staring at him from the side dresser. He hated pink bunnies. He loathed pink bunnies. Then he remembered he passed out at Peters place last night - again. Embarrassing. In fact, he had slept in one of the girls beds.

Oh God, he thought - not again. This was becoming a bad habit. What do Peter and Brenda think of him? That he's a lush? Not that Peter was any better. Pete had knocked back more beers when they got home and seemed on a course to drown himself. I just followed suit - Didn't I? That's me - Always a follower be.

Come to think of it, he hadn't seen Pete so drunk in a long time. As if he was drowning out something unpleasant. Oh well, must get up to face the music.

Rick disengaged himself painfully from the bed and, carefully avoiding the mirror, shambled down the hall into the kitchen. Brenda, standing at the sink turned around at the sound of Ricks entrance and said –

"Oh Shit." and then with much delight. "Rick you look terrible. Go and have a shower to freshen up before you go any further. I've put a spare towel in the bathroom. Use it, now. Quickly, get out of my sight before I call Triple 0."

"Ow, thanks Bren. Yeah, if I look as bad as I feel, I best try and wash it off. Can I have coffee when I'm finished? About 3 liters? Hey, where's Pete?"

Brenda, trying not to laugh replied, "Taken the girls to swimming and yes, I'll have some strong coffee for you when you're ready."

Twenty minutes later Rick returned to the kitchen feeling a little better after a good shower and shave with Peter's razor. A large mug of coffee steamed enticingly beside a plate of toast.

"I know you don't take milk, so help yourself to the sugar." invited Brenda.

"Geeze, ta Bren - you're an angel. Did it again didn't I? You must think I'm a real lush. I shouldn't drink. It goes straight to me head and I just don't know when to stop. I'm not really such a mess as you think. Only when I get on the piss."

Brenda turned serious when she replied, "Oh, belt up Rickie. Stop being so hard on yourself. I know you're a decent bloke. In fact, probably the most decent person I know. So you have a few drinks occasionally. All guys I know do the same. In fact, I don't like a man who doesn't drink. It's not as if you booze every day. I know you don't. And by the way, the girls love their 'Uncle Rick'. They peeked into Narrelle's room when you were snoring, and had a fit of giggles."

"Oh, how embarrassing, Rick groaned. I guess I must've looked a sight."

"Don't worry Rick, they love you. In fact they take up at anything you say."

Then Brenda then told Rick about Susie's question the other morning. "We all have to watch what we say - they're at that age."

"Geeze Bren," Rick said enviously. "I wish I had kids. I really envy you and Pete - you've got great kids and a great marriage. Doesn't look like I'm going to have a crack at being a parent. Nobody'll have me."

"Don't say that Rick. You make me angry. Look, you're only 29. There's a lot of time left for you to settle down. I reckon you'd make a damn good father - and husband. Anyway, Peter and I have our problems. It's not all fair sailing. In fact just recently, Pete's been a little strange. Um, remote. He's got something on his mind but keeps it to himself."

"Yeah," Agreed Rick. "He has been a bit pensive of late. I wonder if it has anything to do with Karl's troubles?"

"Rick, I know you're dying to find out but it's up to Maria and Karl. I can't betray a confidence. I hope you understand."

A little chastened, Rick replied, "Yeah babe, I really do. Sorry if I put you on the hot seat. It's just that if a mate in trouble it's my nature to want to help. Now, I feel a bit useless."

"Hey - that's what I mean, you're a great person. It's not as big as problem as they think. I'm sure they'll tell you soon. Anyway, did Peter say anything about having to go into work tonight?"

"Tonight. He's going into work tonight. Nah, didn't say anything to me. I wonder why he's got to go to work tonight. What did he say?" "Only that he had some setting up to do with some new equipment. He hasn't done this before." Brenda was sounding a little unsure.

"Didn't't say a word to me, Bren. In fact, it was a little strange. Karl had Maria's cousin, names Sammy, with him at the footy yesterday and Pete hardly said a word to the kid. Not like Pete at all. Usually he's very open with new people."

"What's Sam like?" Enquired Brenda. "Maria told me he was coming down for her father's birthday, today. Apparently, he had some family problems at home, with his father over in Perth. Maria's mother helped him get settled in Melbourne."

"Yeah, something like that," agreed Rick. "I reckon he's a decent bloke. I liked him. In fact, I think I invited him to join our footy club and then come wenching with me."

"Oh Rick," Laughed Brenda. "You're probably the friendliest bloke I know. How did Karl get on with Sam?"

"Yeah," Said Rick thoughtfully. "Ok I guess. You know Karl. Doesn't say too much. Always plays it cool, close to his chest. Rick then finished his coffee and said, "Better fly, Bren. Thanks for the towel and coffee", and then as an afterthought. "If Pete throws anymore light on why he's going into work tonight, I'll let you know."

The next morning Sam stayed in the guest room as long as possible, mainly to give Maria and Karl time to organize their day. Around 9 o'clock, he entered the kitchen where Maria was busy preparing food.

"Morning cuz," He said. "Getting a head start on all the preparations?"

"Hi Sam" acknowledged Maria. "There's coffee in the percolator - help yourself. And yes, it's going to be busy. Not that there's much to do, just salads etc. I'm going to make a few dips later. Right now Karl is getting the BBQ ready. Will you be able to give him a hand with the grog?"

"Sure thing," said Sam pouring himself a coffee. "I'll finish this then go and help Karl." Sammy wondered how Karl would be this morning, after their close and personal talk last night. Starting to peel potatoes Brenda asked -

"Did you enjoy the footy yesterday? Didn't have a chance to ask you last night. Both of you were very pissed."

Smiling Sammy admitted, "Yeah. I guess we were. Hope I didn't disgrace myself. It was a great day. The guys were very friendly. Especially Rick. He offered to take me wenching around the Peninsular."

"I can't imagine a better offer for a gay man," laughed Maria, and then continued. "Rickie is a big unspoiled hunk of a guy. He doesn't seem to have a vindictive bone in his body. We all love him. Proverbially, he wouldn't hurt a fly. He's got a soft spot for Brenda - seems they went out a bit when they were young. By the way, only Karl and I know you're Gay. But all our friends are pretty cool. You don't have to worry."

What should I be worrying about thought Sammy - I don't give a damn about what people think. If they get all bitter and twisted, then that's their problem. But some idiots can make any situation unpleasant. For everybody.

Out loud, he said, "I can handle myself Maria, but thanks for the advice." And then as casual as he could sound, he enquired, "Peter seemed a nice bloke. A bit quiet, but very sincere. I take it he's very fond of his wife? I didn't get her name."

"Brenda. And you're right. They are a very close couple. Brenda dotes on Peter and he's a good father to the kids. He and Karl are close buddies, though I'm not overly keen on Peter. I find him a bit reserved at times - you know, he comes across a bit superior. But then none of us are perfect, except me, of course." said Maria laughing.

Wow, thought Sammy. So Peters a good family man and it sounds like his marriage is solid. I should run now. How can I face the guy this afternoon, knowing this much about him? All he wants from me is a fuck. Another trophy. So what do I want from him, Love? Relationship? Wake up Sammy; it's not going to happen. And it could get messy.

On that note, Sammy moved out of the kitchen to find Karl who was at the BBQ cleaning the grill. As he approached, he had a chance to study Karl, without being noticed.

As Karl scrubbed, Sammy could see the play of muscles across his back. The sweat of his effort made his tanned skin gleam. Karl's board shorts had slipped down as he worked, and his tan line showed abruptly against the white skin of his buttocks. Sweat was oozing down from his back muscles and disappearing between his arse cheeks. What a sight thought Sammy.

Noticing Sammy approaching, Karl called out enthusiastically, "G'day Sammy - Sleep well? Or did you just fall into a coma, like me?"

"Mornin' Kuzin Karl. Yep, it's all your fault. You and your mates led me astray. You reckoned you've got some young yokel from the far west who doesn't know his arse from shit and you set out to get him pissed. Well", laughed Sam "it worked - congratulations."

"Oh, don't piss me off with all that innocence stuff," retorted Karl smiling. "I reckon you held up real well. Much better than Rick - Legless again."

"Yeah, he does go down quickly after one or two beers, but he still remains a really nice guy. I've got a couple of friends who turn real nasty when the booze hits. I don't like going out with them."

"I know what you mean. Yeah, Ricks a great guy. I guess I'm lucky to have good friends. Feeling thirsty? May as well start now to get through the day. To be honest Sammy," Karl continued in a comradely tone. "I don't relish spending a day with Marias parents. Her aunts' OK, but I don't get on very well with her brother - he can be unpleasant." Karl continued "Jims alright. I think he's dominated by Auntie Jean." "I agree. I don't know them very well and haven't met my cousin Matt but, I've heard things. Not good things. Hey, I'll go get a couple of cans, but first, is there anything I can do to help? I feel useless."

"Nah mate. Just stay with me. I need some moral support. Maria's going to tell her mum today about my problem and I'm feeling apprehensive. Actually, I keep thinking about our talk last night. I'm starting to feel a little better. Haven't said anything to Maria yet - I want to do some more thinking. Hey, piss off and get me a beer, please, pretty please."

"As you command master. I'll be right back." With that Sammy went into the house leaving Karl standing staring after him.

He's actually a really nice young guy, thought Karl. Not what I expected. I'd like to be a friend if he'd let me. I'm certainly feeling very lonely right now. There's something about Sammy that intrigues me. I'd like to spend more time with him.

When Sammy returned with their beer Karl continued, "I really enjoyed our talk last night. Seems life has dealt us both a challenge. I really admire you Sam; you seem to have your head on straight. I can only imagine what you must have gone through growing up."

"Yeah", agreed Sammy. "But where I had time to accept being Gay - you were dealt a sudden bombshell. If anything, I reckon you're holding up well. What is it? Only a little over a week since you found out. Now you've got to tell both sets of parents. That's hard. Really hard. I can remember feeling guilty when my mother lamented that she wouldn't 'become a grandmother '."

Listening intently Karl asked, "So what happened when you told your Dad? How did you do it?"

"It was hell. I knew there would be a bad scene, so I guess I prepared myself for a walloping. In any event, he just stared at me – said nothing, but a look of absolute loathing spread across his face. Then told me he was disgusted. I thought, given time, he would relent, but, well - here I am."

"Shit." sighed Karl. "I guess I'm in for the same. You don't know what German fathers are like. They . . ." but then Sam interrupted with,

"Geeze Karl, listen to what you're saying. It's not your problem how your father feels - it's his. You've enough to deal with without worrying about your Dad. I mean, isn't it more important what Maria feels? Parents can go fuck. Just worry about you and Maria."

"Yeah, you're right. Hey, Sammy, you're good to talk to. But hey, enough of this, I guess it's my turn for more grog - can you just finish the grill for me?"

Chapter 5

Since she awoke this morning, Maria had been getting more apprehensive as the day progressed. She thought about having to tell her folks that babies were not on any agenda - and the reason why. She knew that Karl and her parents were not particularly close. Now they were sure to see Karl in a more negative light.

If only my grandfather had not fought against Germans, my own father would not harbor animosity against the whole German race. Karl had demonstrated his qualities as a husband repeatedly. At least my mother had started to warm to Karl. But there was my brother Natt to consider. He always took his lead from dad, and had a particularly nasty disposition. I need to handle the situation very carefully.

Suddenly she stopped peeling spuds for a potato salad, and her thoughts became more personal.

But what about me. Sure, I adore Karl, but I'm a woman and I want to have kids. Yeah, admit it kiddo - I really do want children. Would I have married Karl, had I known he was barren? I don't know, I mean, I love him. He's beautiful in a masculine way. But will desire compete successfully with my motherhood needs. In time, youthful desires fade, and if there's nothing to replace that . . . ? What happens then - aren't children supposed to fill the void.

It's not fair - but come on girl, it's not the end of the world either. Both Karl and I are in good health and that's got to be important. But how will I feel later on. Will my need for children break us up? Then there's Dad - he will definitely become more negative to Karl. So I'm going to have to brace myself for his negative onslaught. And, of course, there's my idiot brother Natt.

I guess all I can do is take each day at a time. I can talk to Brenda - she's always been a big help. And, surprisingly, there's Sammy. Karl said this morning that Sammy was a decent person and it would be good if they could become friends. Yeah, I would feel good talking to Sam. After what he's been through, he would sure know about having personal problems.

But, I wonder how many times I've said the word 'but'.

At that point, Karl walked in to retrieve more beer. "How's it coming along kiddo? You look far away."

"Just thinking about the food preparation," She lied. "How's it going with the BBQ? Is it ready? And don't get too pissed."

"Nah, Sammy and I are just yarning. He's easy to talk to. You'd never know he's Gay."

When Karl went inside to get more beer, Sammy decided to call Billee. She answered after five rings.

"Billee? Hi, it's me. Can't talk too long. Just thought I'd give you a call to let you know what's happening."

"Sammy," Answered Billee breathlessly. "Hey - What's doing? When are you coming home? Are you OK? Like, do you need little 'ol me to come and rescue you? How about a good old hug and squeeze? Hey, Shitface - I miss you."

"Woow, slow down," laughed Sam. "Listen and I'll tell you. You won't believe it. I met my cousin Maria and her husband Karl. Truly Billee - he's very sexy. I'll describe him later. However, yesterday, I met with some of Karl's friends before going to the footy, and, you'll never guess, I met my heartthrob Peter again. You know - The guy I told you about that I met at the Bathhouse. Get this, - he's married and is Karl's best friend." "Holy Shit", interrupted Billee, sounding concerned. "What happened?"

"Well, the bottom line is that I'm supposed to meet him this afternoon at five, at his workplace. I don't know what to do -I keep thinking he's happily married and has kids. I told him that I wasn't going to be a trophy bum. And with kids involved, I really don't want to go any further with a relationship."

"Hey hold on, just a sec Sammy," Billee broke in. "That's not your call - It's his problem. Just meet him tonight and tell him how you feel. Stop worrying about things before they happen. Go ahead and meet him. It's not going to kill you. Hurt maybe, but best to find out the worst now, rather than getting hurt down the line. Shit, I wish I had taken my own advice."

"Yeah, you're right. First, I have to get through this arvo. I'm about to meet my relatives soon, and I'm not looking forward to it. In fact, Karl and I are already a little pissed. By the way, I'll try to get a photo of Karl so you can see what a spunk he is. Talking of whom, here comes Karl. I'd better sign off. See you tonight." And with that, he rang off.

By the time Maria's family arrived, Karl and Sammy were well over half way to being pissed. Each, in his own way, became apprehensive as the afternoon progressed. Karl's shame at his condition was tearing him apart. Sammy, on the other hand, could not make up his mind what to do about Peter. Common sense said, just keep driving, and don't stop. Then something inside Sammy urged him to meet with Peter. Neither Karl nor Sammy felt in the mood for a party.

Maria's folks breezed in with handshakes and bonhomie all round. There were several of Jim's mates there also to celebrate his birthday. When Sammy was introduced to Natt, Maria's brother, the response he got was somewhat cool. Natt looked rough and talked rough. He was very much his father's son. As usual, the men formed a group and the ladies were left to chat amongst themselves. The men had brought their own supply of beer - there was to be no shortage.

During lunch, Karl noticed that Natt kept giving Sammy hostile stares. As Natt was renowned for getting nasty when he was boozing, Karl started to get concerned. Sammy seemed unperturbed. After lunch, the women helped Maria clear the table and by some signal, Maria and her mother were left in the kitchen by themselves.

Spying Sammy standing by himself and knowing what was happening in the kitchen, Karl joined Sammy. Misery needed company. "Do you mind company?" Karl enquired. "They're giving you a hard time aren't they?" Let's set up our own leper colony."

"Thanks Karl," Sammy laughed. "I can feel the hostility, especially Natt. Did you catch the looks he threw my way during lunch?"

"Yeah. Pathetic isn't it, he's been on the cop's radar for some -" Karl was suddenly interrupted by Nat, raising his voice so all could hear -

"AND AS FOR THEM QUEERS, TELL YOU WHAT I"D DO. GIVE 'EM A NEEDLE FULL OF AIDS AT BIRTH. LET THE LITTLE POOFTERS DIE OF THEIR OWN DISEASE. THAT'S WHAT I'D DO - HEY- HEY."

The shocking statement caught everyone unawares. All conversation stopped. Even the children fell silent. For several seconds there was total silence. Sammy flinched as if he had been hit. Karl, who had been facing Sammy, suddenly went white. In the background, the kitchen door opened quickly as Maria and her mother came running out. Everyone heard - as they were meant to.

Karl, whose features were twisted into a mask of white fury stared, directly at Natt, and said with a voice barely controlled -

"That is the most disgusting statement I have ever heard in my life Natt -"

Before he could go any further, Jim pathetically whispered, "For god's sake Karl, he didn't mean it - Did you Natt? Tell him Natt. For God's sake - You didn't mean it."

"Sorry Jim," said Karl quickly glancing at his father in law. "This is my home and you're all my guests. Now, one of my guests has been vilely insulted. I never thought I'd hear such loathsome words in my home. Natt - You will apologize to Sammy at once, or I'll ask you to leave."

No one had ever seen Karl like this. His voice, though low, was ringing with menace. His anger was all the more apparent for his degree of control.

"Oh, I get it," slurred Natt. "Now you're a poofter lover as well as a Nazi kraut. I'm not going to apologize to that little piece of shit. NO, NOT NOW, NOT EVER, OK."

"Then leave. NOW. JUST GET UP AND GO. Get out of my sight."

There was a moment of intense silence before Jim piped up and said, "Natt, I want you to apologize and then GO. I'll see you back home. Here's Twenty dollars - to catch a cab."

Suddenly Natt, realizing that he'd earned his father's wrath, seemed to lose steam. He became sullen and mumbled in a beaten way. "Ok, I'm going. I'll call a cab on my mobile".

Maria said quickly, "Sammy, are you alright?" But Sam was shocked and shaken to his core. Never before had he had such vile words addressed to himself. He felt as if he'd been hit with a sledgehammer. He had begun to shake and couldn't control his trembling. Anger and disgust consumed him. Karl put his arm around Sam and guided him to a chair. "Maria, please get Sam a double scotch." And speaking softly to Sam said,

"Don't let that arsehole get to you. He's just a piece of shit." Marias mother went over to where Karl was comforting Sammy.

Her husband just sat and stared at the ground. Other guests were looking extremely uncomfortable. Quickly sizing up the general atmosphere, Karl addressed his guests.

"Look everybody; no one regrets this more than Maria and I. However, let's remember its Jims birthday and I refuse to let an unfortunate incident like this spoil the occasion. Please, let's move on." Then he laughingly added, "The next rounds on the house".

Gwen was trying to comfort Sammy, who was still being comforted by Karl. In fact, when Karl put his arm around Sammy, he felt a surge of gratitude he'd never experienced before. Karl just felt good. Now Gwen was crying and trying to apologize for her son's despicable outburst. Maria, who knew her brother better than her parents, was not surprised. Natt was bad news. In fact, he'd always been a bully.

As the party returned to some semblance of normality, Karl took Sammy, now with a double scotch under his belt and a fresh beer in his hand, aside where they could be alone.

Wow, thought Sam, what an amazing transformation in Karl. My respect for him has gone up heaps. However, as much as I appreciate Karl's help and commiseration, all I want to do now is get away. In a way, any doubts I had about meeting Peter were now gone. I just want to talk to someone who can appreciate my distress. I wonder if Peter will make me feel as comfortable as Karl does now? I'm going to find out. To hell with it.

"Sammy," Karl was saying. "I don't know how you feel, but if anyone had said those words to me, I would be devastated. I know that goes for Maria too."

"Shit Karl," sighed Sammy. "The guy's my cousin. How did he come to think like that - he's got a sewer for a brain. My god, I wonder what my own folks are going to say if they find out. Best if they don't. Anyway, thanks for your concern. It means a lot to know that someone's on my side."

Making an effort to change the subject Sammy asked, "What about your own problem? Have you had any feedback?"

"Nah - It's too early. Maria was just finishing telling Gwen when Natt sounded off. Anyway, they bloody well can't look down on me after we all witnessed their son's outburst."

"Perhaps your right," agreed Sammy. "Natt's outburst doesn't say much for his parents. Does it? My god, if my own Aunt and Uncle feel the same - well, like you, I'm disgusted."

Changing the subject again Sammy asked, "Do you mind if I leave around 4:30. I want to get back to town before it gets too dark."

"Nah. That's cool. That's only an hour from now, anyway. I'll stay with you - I don't feel like socializing. I've still got a nasty taste in my mouth."

Sammy drove to the address that was on Peters Card. Saying goodbye to his aunt and uncle was difficult for them all. He knew they were extremely distressed, but he didn't know whether it was genuine or just a facade. He was still very angry. Maria and Karl were genuinely upset and apologized repeatedly for the incident. Strangely, Karl's anger bordered on hostility. He had calmed down sufficiently to give Sammy a farewell hug and insist that Sammy keep in touch by calling him at work. He even went further and suggested that Sam come and work with him if he needed a job. Driving off Sammy thought -

What a weekend. From meeting Peter again, being insulted by Natt and establishing a friendship with Karl, it was eventful to say the least. Now I'm going to meet Peter - and I'm feeling apprehensive. No. More than that - I'm very wary. Peter can only be just a fuck. Even then, I don't want to be the cause of a family breakup. However, I must admit that a good fuck would get rid of the dirty taste in my mouth. OK, Sammy me boy, play it cool. Don't have any expectations. Geeze that's good advice - I wonder if I'll take it?

Sammy got to Peters work a little early and - so did Peter. Before he could get out of his car, Peter walked up and said, through the window -

"Hi, really glad you came. I was worried you might be pissed off and just give me the old heave-ho."

"What are you on about Peter? I don't remember you doing anything wrong. In fact, I really enjoyed being with you last time. I'm real pleased we caught up - at last."

"Yeah. OK, Umm, thanks." Peter replied. "Look, we can't park here. Follow me around the back where the office parking is."

With that, Peter turned and walked back to his car. Sammy watched him go, relishing in the sight of Peters shoulders which were busting out of his blue T/Shirt. Sammy could just picture his chest and the hairs that ran down his abdominal muscles into his groin.

Oh God, he turns me on. Just look at the way his buttocks sway 'neath his jeans. Peter is not "pretty" like Karl, but he exudes an aurora of masculinity that I find irresistible. Just looking at him makes me horny. I hope my erection goes down by the time I get out of the car - down Boy.

Sammy parked beside Peter's car and followed him into the premises. They walked through a reception area and into a staff area, which contained the usual amenities and equipment.

Nervously Peter said. "Um - do you want something to drink? Then laughed at himself saying "Shit. That sounds corny. I guess I'm a little anxious."

Anxious? Thought Sammy. Peter is more apprehensive than I am. It seems that I have the high moral ground here. How am I going to play this?

"Please, don't be. And I would like a cup of coffee, black thanks. I've actually had a rotten day. I need something to wash away the bad taste in my mouth. Coffee is just right. I've had enough booze for today. Do you mind if I tell you about what happened?"

"No, I'm all ears," Peter said as he busied himself making coffee. So Sammy proceeded to fill Peter in on all the sad events at Karl's BBQ. He left nothing out - even referring to Karl's admission about his physical problem.

Peter was speechless. Sammy hadn't touched his coffee all through the narrative, while Peter just sipped at his. As Sammy talked, Peter was thinking -

What a beautiful young man Sammy is. Those dark brown eyes, petite nose and strong chin give him a pugnacious look. His stocky build and 165cm height accented the perfect muscle tone of his torso. I remember how perfect his arse is. He isn't 'pretty' as in the boy next-door image, but he radiates sex appeal. I wonder how many guys he's had? A lot, I guess. Don't let this one get away, Peter.

As Sammy finished, Peter, on impulse, reached out and took Sammy's hand. Peters touch was electric. Sammy's pulse-rate increased and his breathing became shallow. Then Peter slowly got up from his chair and still holding on to Sammy, came to stand behind him.

This intimacy further excited Sam and when Pete lifted Sammy's hand and kissed it, he felt a warm pulse of excitement. Slowly, Sammy turned around and looked up at Peter, presenting his mouth as an open invitation. Silently, their lips came together, at first tentatively, and then with increasing passion - Like a dam bursting, the trickle of passion became a torrent.

Standing up, still with Peter's mouth hungrily seeking his, Sam surrendered his body against Peter. He could smell Peter's sweet body odor and felt the hardness of his muscled chest and abdomen. Peter's penis was a huge mound pressing into Sam, straining to be free.

For several moments the two boys stayed locked in a hungry embrace, enjoying the taste of their mouths and the feel of their bodies. Then, without any conscious thought, Sammy slowly sank down to where Peter's manhood was demanding release. Then Peter gently pulled him back up to face him. Slowly, ever so slowly, Peter began to undo Sammy's jeans letting them fall to the floor. His penis sprang free of its restraint and stood wet and rock-hard. Then, with his T-Shirt off, Sammy was completely naked.

Following Peters lead, Sam undid Peter's jean belt and fly and with deft pressure slowly slid Peters jeans down to the floor. Abandoning his T-Shirt, Peter, like Sam, was completely naked.

Peter took command. He slid his arms around Sammy's buttocks and pulled him to him so that both their groins were touching. Waves of pleasure engulfed Sammy. The feel of Peters' hard penis rubbing against his own erection was an incredible sensation. His heart was pounding. The overwhelming aroma of Peter's physical presence fuelled his desire. Now Peter was groaning softly.

Both boys were leaking juices, so that their bodies were becoming slippery. This only served to heighten the sensation of pleasure. Soon Peter began to rhythmically thrust his genitals against Sammy. As Peter increased his thrusting Sammy put his arms around Peters' neck. Then their mouths locked together.

Oh my god, Sammy thought. This is fantastic. I'm not going to last. He's going to make me cum. Please, please, make it last. I want to go on feeling like this forever. But my nipples are getting harder and my balls are contracting. Soon I'll not be able to control my body - I'm going to make a mess.

Peter could feel himself becoming more frantic. With each thrust, exquisite pleasure was coursing through him. Having Sammy in his arms was fulfilling an unspoken need. He began to thrust more quickly. He could feel a climax building.

Oh, Shit. I'm going to orgasm. I feel utterly sexually alive. This is what I want. This is what I need. Oh, my god I can't stop now - I'm losing control.

It couldn't last - and didn't. In both boys, their individual climaxes commenced with wild spasms invading every fiber of their bodies. Such was the force of their orgasms that each cried out. Sammy began to gasp as his penis erupted with semen. This was quickly absorbed into the other juices of sweat and pre-cum. almost at the same time, Peter groaned loudly as his erection splattered both bodies. Peters release was so voluminous that where their two bodies joined became a mess of semen, sweat and pre-cum.

When their climaxes subsided, both Sammy and Peter were left clinging to each other. Slowly their heartbeats and breathing returned to normal. Peter lifted up Sammy's chin and kissed him long and passionately. Finally breaking apart they both surveyed the mess covering their bodies. Giggling self consciously, they began to clean each other up.

After getting dressed, they sat together on the couch in the staff room. Peter had made more coffee.

Taking his coffee mug from Peter, Sammy asked somewhat abruptly. "Where to now - do I ever get to see you again?"

Peter became reflective and then with a sigh answered, "Of course we'll see each other again. I want to. I assume you want to. But I've created a mess. I thought I could go on forever having the 'best of both worlds'. But I can't anymore. Not anymore. I've become increasingly unhappy. I'm actually tearing myself apart. I can't go on living a straight lifestyle, when I know I'm gay."

"If you don't mind me asking, what induced you to be straight in the first place? I mean, I like women. I enjoy their company, but I couldn't have sex with a woman. I'm just not attracted to females sexually."

"No, I don't mind," said Peter softly. "I grew up in a time when being gay was a real problem. People thought of Homosexuals as diseased. To all Religions, it was a great sin. Socially it was treated as a crime. This was before Stonewall and the gay revolution. Things are a lot different now - a whole lot better now."

"And," Peter continued. "I was young. My parents saw marriage as a means of having children. In addition, they wanted Grandchildren. This was more my mother than my Dad. Here was another problem. My mother was a very strong woman. She overruled my father and overwhelmed us all. She used emotional blackmail as a very effective weapon. To keep the peace, we just let her have her way. I wish I had been strong enough to stand up to her. Sammy, there are many guys in the same position. Only when I started to explore my homosexuality did I come to realize that I wasn't alone."

"Wow," Said Sammy, "I guess I can relate to some of that. Except in my case, Dad ruled the house. My mum is very easy going. Karl's facing the same problem, isn't he? I mean he's under family pressure to have kids."

"Yeah," responded Peter. "I don't know how that's going to pan out. I couldn't say much to Karl, but, my own read of his situation, is not good. The prognosis is bad."

"Listening to him talk," Sammy reflected, "I think he knows there's a bigger problem with Maria, in the long-term. But tell me, how did Brenda come into your life?"

"Ahh, I was coming to that. We met within a group at a pub in town. There was a whole gang of us and we used to go everywhere together. I mean the gang. Don't get me wrong - I really like Brenda. As some of the others in the group went and tied the knot, Brenda and I just sort of automatically followed suit. She's very easy going and basic. She's an Aquarius like her Dad. And she's not very demanding sexually. I thought, well, here is a person that I could maintain a double life with. I could hide my homosexuality but still practice as the need arose. The trouble with that was the need grew stronger and overpowering as time went by. And, well, here I am."

Listening to Peter talk, Sammy was struck by what a decent guy he was. Perhaps a little weak, but who has the right to sit in judgment on another person. For that matter - who has the right?

All Sammy could say was, "I wish I could help in some way Pete. It's true - I have very strong feelings for you. I felt something that night at the bathhouse. I knew you were very different from other guys I had been with. Of course, I didn't know about your personal situation. Not that it would have made any difference. As it doesn't now. But having said that, I don't want to be the cause of a family break-up. I hope you understand and accept that. I'd rather stop any relationship here, than to go on and cause other people anguish."

"Sammy. Dear sweet Sammy. It's not your problem. Frankly, it's got nothing to do with you. I had this problem before I met you. I've realized that something has been eating at me for some time. If you want the truth - I'm tired of lying. I'm tired of living a lie. Would you believe, at some level, I actually believed that marriage would cure my homosexuality. Meeting you has made me realize that I can only be happy if I'm true to myself, and to those around me. If you have any advice on how to tell Brenda - please, please tell me."

"No Pete, I don't. And if I did, I wouldn't interfere anyway. It's going to be painful. Just remember, I'm here. Look, times getting on and you've got to get back to Brenda. I've still got an hour's drive to home."

"Yeah, I guess so," sighed Peter. "Can I see you again soon - say, Friday night?"

"Where?" said Sammy.

"I know it's an imposition. But -at your place?"

"Well, Its fine by me, but I'll have to ask Billee my roommate. If it's OK with her, I'll phone and leave some message at your work. I'll write down the address for you - OK?"

"Oh, that's great. Come here babe", with that Peter leaned across the couch and kissed Sammy gently. It was a kiss full of longing and hope.

Saying goodbye, if only for the present, was not easy. Peter walked Sam to his car and with a warm embrace watched him drive off. "Until Friday," he whispered.

In the dreaming -.

He was awake now. Wide-awake. He had been sweating heavily and his jacket was damp to the touch. Another bad dream, only this time the trauma of the dream had frightened him awake.

He lay still to focus his mind. Gradually he began to piece together fragments of the dream. He was in a shady glen - somewhere. The only sounds were the soft call of birds and the rustling of leaves. At the bottom, a stream sparkled and cascaded within its grassy banks. It was a pleasant scenario and comforting. Peaceful.

Then two young men came running and laughing into the glen. With no hesitation, they quickly divested themselves of their clothes and ran impetuously into the shallow water. Happily, they splashed at each other and playfully wrestled. Finally, they emerged into the sunlight and with loving care dried each other, slowly and tenderly.

He remembered the scenario with pleasure. Particularly when, lying down side by side, they allowed the warmth of the sun to invade their bodies. After a short time, the taller youth leaned over and kissed his companion slowly and passionately. Soon, eager hands were roving to caress secret erotic places. Private places. Their lovemaking was slow and caring.

Then he remembered what had awoken him in fright. The idyllic atmosphere had been broken as a black rider atop a black horse came arrogantly into the glen. He radiated menace and fear. One black arm extended pointed accusingly at the youths.

Lying here, now awake, he remembered the fear. The black creature uttered a silent accusing scream and the youths ran headlong from the glen.

What had awoken him was the sensation of imminent danger. Numbing distress. More than that, much more - was anger. Smoldering anger.

Chapter 6

It was after 3 o'clock on Tuesday afternoon when Maria and Gwen met for coffee. The request had come from Gwen. The place they had chosen was small, with plants placed to give an atmosphere of intimacy. The walls were butter cream adorned with vibrant pictures.

"Shall we sit here?" Gwen said, indicating a secluded table. When Maria nodded affirmatively, Gwen strolled to the front desk and placed their order. Now sitting down across from Maria, she opened the conversation with -

"I'm just so sorry about Nat's disgraceful outburst last Sunday. I don't believe I can ever look Samuel in the eye again. I still haven't said anything to my sister. I'm too ashamed. Have you spoken with Samuel since Sunday?"

"No, I haven't. I don't know what more to say. Karl is still furious. I've never seen him so angry. Did you know that Natt was so extreme?"

"No, I didn't", said Gwen forcefully. "I was, and still am, appalled. When we got home, Natt was sulking in his room. Strangely, your father seemed to go easy on him. Whatever that means."

"Do you think Dad has encouraged him? I mean, does my father believe in what Natt said? Is that the way my family thinks?"

"No, well, I certainly don't. But look, I came here to talk about you. We didn't have a chance to complete our talk in the kitchen. To say we were rudely interrupted is an understatement. I feel, as a mother, but more importantly, as a woman, we need to talk."

"Why do I get the feeling that I'm about to get a lecture."

"Don't be flippant," said Gwen impatiently. "You know I adore Karl. So does your father - if he'd ever admit it. Karl is a beautiful boy. It's easy to see why you fell in love with him. If I was your age, I'd probably do the same. But the fact that he's barren is something that can't be dismissed lightly."

"Mum, you make that sound so hard," Maria retorted. "Remember our marriage vows - for better or for worse . . ."

"I do, indeed I do. But I'm trying to be practical. In due time, the beauty of youth vanishes and mostly all you're left with are the fruits of your youth. Especially if you're a woman. It's natural; it's basic that every woman yearns to have children. It's how we become fulfilled. Think of the women who can't have children. How desperate they become, tinkering with adoption, surrogacy and fertility clinics. These women would do anything, pay any price, and try any weird method just to get pregnant - to be a mother. And here you are, healthy, fertile and young but destined for your womb to be barren. I'm very worried about you." In a small voice Maria said, "I know you are. I know you care. I'm grateful. I just don't know how to think. Karl said that the world consists of Breeders and Non-breeders, and that we just fall into the latter category. Some couples are destined not to have children."

"Nonsense," Gwen retorted. "Utter Nonsense. Very few women choose not to have children. Very few. And they probably have emotional issues that preclude them having kids. Anyway, ask Karl. If he weren't barren would he consciously choose not to have children? I think not. So much for that argument."

Slowly stirring her latte, Maria said miserably. "Of course not. He wants children as much as I do. After all, we have been trying desperately for the past year. But what are you suggesting - I leave Karl? Even though I still love him."

Looking at her daughter, at the anguish so evident in her voice and face, Gwen said ever so softly. "That's an option that will have to be considered. I'm not here, sweetheart, to destroy your marriage. God forbid. Marriage is hard enough without this problem. But it's an option you have to consider in your thinking. A very unpalatable option. I certainly don't envy you. Just remember that I love you and will stand behind whatever path you take."

"What about Dad. What did he say when you told him?"

"I haven't yet. I figure there's enough angst between your Dad and Karl after Sunday. I don't want to escalate the problem. I'll tell him when I judge the time is right."

Changing the subject to lighter matters Gwen said, "Have you talked to Brenda yet about hosting Karl's surprise birthday party?"

After dinner on Monday night, Sammy and Billee relaxed in their lounge room. The decor could only be described as organized informal. All the seating was comprised of cushions, beanbags and low couches. To Billee it was a conversation pit. To Sammy it was always a good place to relax. Billee's choice in colors erred on the side of vibrant. The overall effect was one of good taste. As it had become their custom, Sammy sipped on a beer while Billee favored a lovely cardboard Riesling.

"C'mon, out with it. I'm dying to hear about your weekend."

Sammy then began to fill her in on the details. When Sammy came to Nat's outburst, she was shocked.

"He said that. He actually wanted all gays to be killed by Aids, at birth? That's very, very sick. How could anyone think like that - let alone say it."

"When I heard, I just froze. I remember I was talking to Karl, and we both stopped in mid conversation. There was a moment of extreme silence followed by a sense of disbelief. I can vaguely remember Maria and my aunt come running out of the kitchen. I mean, everybody heard - even the children. Karl's reaction was extraordinary. His handsome face was transformed into a mask of controlled fury. He literally went white. But when he spoke his tone was low and menacing."

Thoughtfully Billee asked, "Do you think Natts family shares his sentiment? I find it hard to believe that anyone can develop such a vile attitude without some encouragement from their parents."

"I don't know. Well, you met my aunt when she came looking for somewhere for me to stay. I can't believe she's so bigoted - I just can't. No, either Natt's attitude has come from peer pressure or from his father. Maybe a combination of both. I didn't get to know him growing up. Our families seldom got together."

"It just goes to prove that homophobia is a sickness. No one in their right mind would want to kill people just because of their sexual orientation. Anyway - You've told me about Karl, but what about Peter. I gather you were stunned."

"You could say that. In fact stunned would be an understatement. At first, I only saw his back but when he turned around, well, there stood Peter. The initial instant of surprise was followed by a quick recovery. I don't think Karl or the other guy, Rick, suspected anything. In fact I'm sure they didn't."

Taking a sip of her wine, Billee asked carefully, "Were you pleased to see him?"

"Yes, and No." To respond to Billee's questioning look, Sammy continued. "I mean, I was thrilled to find him again, but when I found out he was married with kids, well, that put a big damper on my expectations. Being a 'bit on the side' is something I don't want to be. Then - I am very attracted to him. Early on Sunday I'd made up my mind not to meet him in the afternoon. But when the ugliness with Natt happened, I guess I changed my mind. I'm a fool."

"No you're not," laughed Billee. "You're just human. I'd probably do the same. In fact, I believe you are more upset with that creature Natt than you allow. I mean he wasn't some goon from the street, some arsehole you'd never seen before, this was you're cousin, your family. Geeze Sammy, it really sucks."

Continuing, Billee asked, "So what's going to happen now. Are you going to see Peter again?"

Hesitantly, Sammy said. "I was coming to that. Would you mind if I bring Peter home next Friday night? That's if he still wants to see me." Billee became very thoughtful before saying, cautiously,

"I guess so. I mean I'd certainly like to meet this Peter but I definitely don't want my home turned into a bordello. At some stage, I want to bring Luke home. He's at a very impressionable age and dealing with his own problems. I certainly wouldn't want to throw him into another domestic snake-pit."

"I totally understand, in fact I totally agree. I'm heading into uncharted waters. I don't know how this is going to end up."

Shifting her position to a more comfortable one, Billee said with feeling, "Well, if anybody tries to hurt you Sammy, they'll have me to contend with - all 65 Kilos of pure feral, foul-mouthed, nasty bitch. Talk to me baby. Have you given the situation any real deep thought? I mean, use me as a sounding board, if you like."

Sammy hesitated. Billee fell silent as Sammy struggled to organize his thoughts. After a little while he said -

"Well, I really don't know why I'm being so heavy. It's not as if I'm gonna get married or something. I mean he's just a fuck. Yeah, that's the truth. Sitting here with you I guess makes me clear my thinking. The fact is his marriage is not my problem. It's his, and he has to decide whether he comes out, or stays in the closet. Yeah, that's right. I may as well just go along and let him take the lead. I'm just not gonna make a commitment to love eternal - bla, bla and bla."

Pouring herself another wine from the cask, Billee observed, "That's good Sammy. There's one thing that life has taught me, if you don't have high expectations, you don't have many disappointments. Yeah, go along with the ride. Have a good time. Let Peter do the hard yards. It would be disastrous for you to force him to make a choice between you and his family. Utterly disastrous. I feel sorry for him. There's bound to be a lot people hurt before there is a conclusion to this mess. I just don't want you included in those being hurt."

"Thanks, babe. I actually feel a lot better. This talk has made me see things better. Strange how you can get mired when it comes to emotional issues."

"Tell me about it." said Billee forcefully. Then on a lighter note, "Do you think you could drive me up to see Luke soon? I've told him about you and he's excited to meet with you. I know you've got football commitments, so just let me know when you're free."

"Will do, and I'll look forward to it. Now can we watch that Vera is raving about?"

Brenda was running late. She had the kids all sitting in the car waiting to go to school. Then she remembered she had to get some of her clothes dry-cleaned. As she was bundling her stuff up, she thought she might as well get Pete's work pants cleaned as well. For tax purposes, she had to get separate bills. The stupid accountant insisted upon it.

Quickly delving into the pockets to make sure that they were empty, she was surprised when a small slip of paper fell out. Automatically she picked it up to see if it was important, and read -

Sam @ 0466720995

Curious, she thought. Who's Sam? I've not heard Peter talk about a "Sam" before. And why no other details. Just a mobile number. I bloody hope it's not a female named Sam. But no, Pete wouldn't stray. I'm sure of that. Well, it can't mean anything and I'm running late for school. I'll sort this out later.

With that, she put the paper slip in her bag and left to drop the girls off.

When his mobile rang, Sammy was digging out a foundation trench. It was a beautiful Melbourne day. Even though it was still cool, Sammy had taken his shirt off. His young muscles glistened with sweat and covered with dirt. He dusted off his hands before answering his mobile.

"Sam here".

"Sammy, how're ya going mate? It's Karl - Cuzin Karl."

"G'day Cuzin Karl. Good to hear from you. What's happening? Did I wet the bed or something?"

"Nah, nothing like that," Karl laughed. "Just wanted to see how you're travelling after Sunday. I feel very embarrassed that nasty shit said those things. Also - I'd like to keep in touch. You're kinda family." "Ahh - I'm OK. Thanks for asking though. Yeah, I'm still a bit pissed off, only because it came from my own family. But hey, I really enjoyed meeting you and the rest of the guys. Tell Rick hello will you".

"What about Maria - she OK?"

"Not a problem - yet. I'll tell her you asked. What are you doing now?"

"Digging a foundation trench. I'm up to my armpits in dirt. But, I love it. Love being outside in the fresh air."

"You and me both", agreed Karl. "Anyway, give me a call soon and we'll get together for a beer. I'd like to chew the fat with you."

"I'd really like that, Karl. Talk again real soon, buddy."

The arrangement was that Sammy would meet Peter in the bar of the White Horse Pub. It was a cozy place with an old fashioned mahogany bar, partitioned off with glass screens. Along the walls were separate cubicles where a conversation could be held privately. When Sammy called Peter to arrange a meeting time, he quite expected Peter to be a little cold. After their 'tryst' on Sunday, it was entirely possible that Peter would decide that he didn't want to peruse the relationship any further. After all, it was only by chance that they had met again. Peter hadn't taken up Sammy's initial offer to phone him.

So, taking Billee's advice not to have any expectations, Sam was surprised at Peters' enthusiastic response to his phone call. But he still forced himself to be wary of any long-term outcome.

Driving down the M1 from Mornington, Peter was feeling apprehensive.

In a way, I'm making a commitment to myself. This is the first I've kept an appointment with a gay man. In wanting to meet Sammy this evening, I'm making a start, moving from my old life to a new one. One that's free of lying and deception. One, where I can actually be myself.

Brenda. And the girls? If there was any way to lessen the hurt, anger and hostility that's bound to come, please someone tell me. Every time I think about it, I get scared. Face it, Peter. There's going to be a lot of hurt. But I know that if I were to continue this double life, I would only magnify the eventual hurt when it came. I can't go on forever living a lie.

Last Sundays encounter with Sammy was wonderful I've never experienced such intense emotion before. I felt free to be myself. Finally, I've accepted who I am. And Sammy is such a great person to be with. He's sexy, intelligent and very, very masculine. Just thinking about his gorgeous firm arse gets me horny.

But, I'm jumping the gun. I don't know if Sammy wants to have a relationship with someone like me.

Arriving a little late, Peter glanced around to find Sammy. He spied him and went to join him. What pleased Peter was Sammy's greeting. It was enthusiastic. He had obviously cleaned up from work and was wearing trademark jeans and tight T-Shirt.

"Sit down," enthused Sammy. "It's my shout - a Fosters?" "Thanks, I'd love one - icy cold. Please."

"Coming Up, said Sam moving off to the bar. This gave Peter a chance to survey the crowd. It was a young crowd and a mixture of straight and gays. They all looked happy, relaxed and enjoying themselves. Sammy returned, plunking an icy can of Fosters down in front of Peter.

Saluting with his can, Peter said "Cheers Sammy. Geeze, it's good to see you again."

"Like-wise," agreed Sam. "Although, I thought maybe you might stand me up."

Taken a bit a back, Peter asked "And why would I want to do that? I've been really looking forward to our meeting."

"Oh - I dunno. Am I right in thinking that this is the first time you've had a gay liaison that wasn't a one-night stand?"

Sheepishly Peter nodded agreement. "Yeah. Yes it is. Am I that easy to read?"

"Don't worry \- tonight's our night. I thought we might finish here and go back to my place. My roomy Billee is making dinner and she's looking forward to meeting you. Is that OK?"

"Sounds great," said Peter polishing off his beer. "But when can I get my hands on you? You've got me so fired up I need relief. I mean, I feel good just being with you, and after Sundays encounter, I just want more. In fact putting the sex aside, I want to spend more time with you. I haven't felt this way for a very long time."

"Me too Pete. In fact, if you had made some excuse about not meeting when I phoned you, I would've been disappointed. I still wasn't sure you'd turn up today. Anyway, you're here now. Let's have a few more drinks and head off to my place."

They arrived at Sams place just after the time he had agreed with Billee. Walking in, Sam said proudly. "Hey Billee, I'd like you to meet Peter. And Peter, this is Billee."

Billee saw a tallish young man, late twenties maybe, with broad shoulders and a slim but athletic build. He was very handsome with jet-black wavy hair and a strong chin. In addition, his eyes were a beautiful blue. They looked straight at you with an openness that was endearing. When he smiled, you got a glimpse of very white teeth. To Billee he was "yummy". My god, she thought, and this guy's gay - What a waste.

Peter appraised Billee and was impressed. She was in her mid thirties. A blond, with a cheerful open face. She was slim but offered a great pair of tits and a very womanly figure. But it was her clothes and the way she wore them that impressed. She had on a daring low cut top with a bare midriff. Her dress was in the 'hippie' style - long flowing to the floor. And the whole was made of vibrant floral colors. She had a happy open face and with perfect make-up complementing her natural blond hair, which she wore straight.

She would be an eye-catcher in the straight scene, he thought. Even so, she was open enough to mix in with gay folk.

The pleasantries observed, they all sat down to be more acquainted. Peter sat on a beanbag with his long muscular legs stretched out along the floor. Sammy opted for a cushion whilst Billee relaxed on a couch. Sammy was relieved. Peter and Billee seemed to respond to each other. As Billee chugged down her chateau 'a la cask', the boys opened more beer.

Peter looked around the room and instantly felt its charm. The whole setting was informal and encouraged relaxation. The colors were pastels with cushions providing strong colors. This lady is an excellent decorator he thought.

"Well Peter, I've heard so much about you, it's good to meet at last. I think young Sammy's a bit smitten - and I don't blame him."

Somewhat embarrassed Peter replied, "When I first met Sammy something clicked inside. I guess I didn't recognize my feelings at the time but I can tell you, I've been looking forward to tonight. I think he's got me by the short hairs."

"And they're lovely at that," Sammy laughed evilly. "Nice and curly and just a bit raunchy."

"Oh, shut up Samuel," shrieked Billee. "We haven't had dinner yet. Anyway, how do you know that my short hairs aren't as good as Peters? Huh."

Continuing, Billee asked Peter, "Sammy tells me that you're a Physiotherapist Peter. What made you take up that sort of work? Do you have to do a lot of study?"

"Yeah well, not many people know that Physiotherapy requires you to do the first two years of medical school. Then we have to do the complete pharmacology course as well. It's very intensive. And we learn all about how the body functions as well as how it repairs itself. The whole course is very structured. We work in conjunction with the medical profession. More and more doctors are recommending physio as an alternative to drugs. I got interested at school. I've led a very active sports life."

"Well, I'll be damned," said Billee. "Don't get me wrong, but I thought all physios were knuckleheads with thick brains and thick bodies." "And you may be right", laughed Peter. "I've met some idiots in my time. But tell me Billee, what do you do to keep the tax man happy?" "I'm a beautician. My friend Vera runs a Beauty Parlour and I advise on makeup, nails and even dieting. We have started running classes for elderly women for light exercise you know - to attain a feeling of well-being. Our exercises are aimed more at the mind than the body. We have a small room with a treadmill and Pilate's machine where they can exercise before their hair or other appointment."

"What a great idea. You certainly are a great advertisement for the job. You must give me your card so that I can advise some of my clients on the service you provide. I know with females, how good they feel when they have their hair done."

Sammy sat and listened happily to the conversation between his two friends. They seemed to enjoy each other's company. This is going better than he expected. They seemed relaxed and natural together.

But I'm getting randy he thought. Watching Peter so animated has only inflamed my desire. Thinking about Peter's hairy chest and nuzzling those curly black hairs is agony. How can I stop myself undoing his fly and exposing its hidden treasure?

Then Sammy was jolted out of his reverie, when Billee asked, "What about you Sammy, what are you going to do with your life? In all the time you've been with me, we never discussed your own future. Open up, kid."

Taken aback, Sammy mumbled, "I dunno. Haven't given it much thought. Keep doing what I'm doing I guess. I mean I'm only 22 so shouldn't I just be having a good time? But I'd like to be a millionaire." "That's all well and good", answered Billee. "But you can't be Laboring your whole life. You never told me. What's your Dad do?" "He's a carpenter," Sammy responded. "I think he was keen to have me do the same."

At this point Peter came in with, "You got your year 12 didn't you?" And seeing Sammy's affirmative nod he continued. "Well, what would you like to do besides being a brickies laborer? Fun though it is." Embarrassed and somewhat self-conscious, Sammy answered shyly. "At one time I was keen to be a teacher."

Billee reacted first and said "Sammy, that's great", while Peter interrupted with, "A teacher, that's fantastic. Why didn't you pursue it?" "Yes" Billee queried, "What happened? I mean why are you laying bricks when you could be teaching kids. That's far more satisfying than seeing a wall of bricks go up."

"Awe well", responded Sammy. "I didn't think that being gay I would be accepted into Teachers College. And then when I was trying to come to terms with being gay, College just seemed to slip by."

"OK Sammy," said Peter with concern. "I'm going to make sure you follow up on that."

To which Billee added, "And I'm going to make sure you damn well do something about College. You've got to think about your future Sammy. Being gay has got nothing to do with a career. I'm surprised that you're so negative."

"And I agree with Billee," said Peter. "In a way were direct opposites. I've denied my sexuality but perused a successful career, whilst you have abandoned your career but come to terms with your sexuality."

"He's right." Billee said. "Hey look, I think it's time to eat."

But Sammy was thinking - This is the first time that anybody's taken an interest in my life. And they both sound sincere. Perhaps I should be thinking of the future and doing something with my life. My own family has all but written me off as a useless faggot. Actually, I feel good talking about a life other than being gay. At least, I deserve a chance.

During dinner, which consisted of braised stuffed pork chops with a potato and apple salad, Peter remarked "I want to thank you Billee for inviting me into your home. This is the first time I've been able to relax and enjoy myself without putting up a false facade. For the first time in a long time, I feel free and happy. And the foods great too."

"Well, I'm really pleased to hear that," Billee responded. "It must be awful trying to pretend that you're someone else. But neither you nor Sammy is gay in the style of the people you see, say, at the Sydney Mardi Gras. Had I met you without Sammy I would have said you were completely straight."

"Interesting," acknowledged Peter. "You know, the conventional image of a gay person is a drag queen or a very effeminate man. The reality is that's the tip of the iceberg. Most Gay people are just ordinary folk. They look the same, bleed the same, enjoy sports and pursue successful careers. They just happen to prefer having sex with their own gender."

Continuing, Peter became animated. "Look at Alexander, Attila, and Richard the lion-heart, James the first of England. They were famous men leading famous lives. Then what about the well known sportspersons who have 'come out' so to speak. They all are respected and admired."

Then he looked sheepishly at Billee and Sammy, and softening his voice continued. "I guess you're wondering why I've made such a mess then of my life, given what I've just said?"

"Well, Sammy did fill me in on the issues you had to contend with growing up. I think you've come through admirably."

"No - I haven't. Look at the hurt and pain I'm going to cause my wife and kids when I tell them. I wish I had Sammy's guts and embraced my sexuality rather than hiding it."

"Look," Billee offered. "What about that hackneyed expression 'A journey of one thousand miles begins with one step'? I think you've taken the first step. Now hasten slowly. It may take five years to accomplish. At least at the end of those years you'll be leading a comfortable life. At least you'll be yourself. I just couldn't imagine having to hide my true self from other people."

Changing the subject Billee said, "Look guys. I've told Vera I'll meet her at 8:30 down the pub. Help me clear up and I'll be off - If that's OK?"

When Billee left, Peter and Sammy were sitting on a couch watching TV. Now that they were finally alone, both were feeling a little self-conscious. Soon Peter reached out and took Sammy's hand, giving it a gentle squeeze. To Sammy, Peters touch was warm and thrilling.

"Come here - please." whispered Peter. And Sammy slid along the couch so he could cuddle into him. Peter's aroma was a mixture of after-shave, beer and male sweat. With his head on Peter's chest, he could hear the man's heart beating. For several minutes, they stayed like this - cuddling each other and enjoying just being together.

It has been a long time since anybody has cuddled me, Sammy thought. In fact, maybe this is the first time that I can remember. Peter is so warm and the feel of his chest muscles is exciting. I can feel every breath he takes. And he smells so good. Geeze, I'd like to stay like this forever. I want to kiss - ,

Peter gently lifted Sammy's head and kissed him tenderly. For a long moment, they explored each other's mouth and tongues. Then Peter moved his mouth to Sammy's ear and with his tongue, explored his ear cavity. A wave of pleasure engulfed Sammy and he gave a little sob of delight. Having Peters tongue nibbling at his ear was very arousing.

Gently, Peter returned his mouth to cover Sammy's, and they began to kiss with increasing passion. Sammy was becoming weak with desire.

This is nothing like a frenzied fuck in a bathhouse or an anonymous encounter in a toilet block. I could spend my whole life kissing like this. And - Oh God, my nipples are becoming hard. I hope Peter's feeling the same pleasure I am. I want to gratify him.

As if to answer that unspoken thought, Peter took Sammy's hand and placed it down on his crutch. He was hard and his erection was straining against his jeans. By instinct Sammy unzipped Peters fly and released his penis from its restraint. Sammy's hand encircled its prize.

I am looking at one very beautiful, hard and long cock. He's not circumcised and I can move his skin gently up and down. But the head is looking red, wet and angry. I want to take the whole thing in my mouth and drain all his man juices. I know that around the glans is very sensitive, so if I use my tongue to stimulate just the head it should drive him wild.

When Sammy's mouth encircled his penis, Peter gave a low moan. A surge of bliss replaced the urgent need his erection was demanding.

Oh, that feels wonderfully fantastic. Peter sighed. He's teasing me with his tongue - licking all around the head of my cock. I know I'm seeping honey. I always do when I get aroused. And my nipples are so hard their getting very sensitive. But I can feel an orgasm building - If he keeps doing this I'll blow my load and I don't want to go there, just yet.

"Sammy," Peter murmured while gently disengaging Sammy's mouth from his cock. "You'll have to slow down or I'm going to spill myself. Let's go into your room. Now - Please". Of one mind, Sammy untangled himself and taking Peters hand led him into his bedroom.

Without closing the door, Peter pulled Sammy to him and renewed his passionate kissing. Then with teasing and gentleness, Peter slowly removed Sammy's shirt. He reveled in the boy's firm chest and muscled arms. Raising one arm, he slowly licked under Sammy's armpit. Then he gently teased Sammy's nipples, which were hard and prominent. Sammy gasped and let out a small cry of pleasure.

"Please - please don't do that," he implored. "I could easily cum. And I want this to last."

Ignoring this plea, Peter undid Sammy's belt and slid the boy's jeans to the floor. Now his penis sprang out. It was hard and wet - the head glistening with man-juice. Wordlessly, Peter sat Sammy on the bed and kneeling down removed his shoes and socks.

Slowly Peter eased Sammy down to lie on the bed - completely naked. He took off his own shirt and quickly climbed out of his jeans. Sammy was gazing up at him in wonder and desire. He gently lay down beside Sammy until their naked bodies touched. With his arm behind Sammy's head, Peter softly touched Sammy's nipples with his free hand. Sam jerked and emitted a low moan that was cut off by Peters' mouth.

I'm, on fire. There is a familiar tingling in my loins signaling that I could easily climax. Oh God - I want him inside me before I erupt. I've never been more ready. Now - please Peter.

But Peters own need was controlling the situation. His penis was aching-hard and becoming wetter. Without a word, Peter rolled Sammy onto his side and positioned his erection.

Slowly and carefully, they became one. Slowly and carefully, Peter established a rhythm that gave exquisite pleasure to them both. Both boys were now lost in their own sexual enjoyment. Peter subconsciously nibbled Sammy's ear whilst his fingers played with Sammy's engorged nipples. As Peter's rhythm intensified, Sammy knew he couldn't last much longer.

Then Peters rhythm became erratic, making Sammy reach his climax. His seed spewed from his erection as he uttered a guttural cry of pleasure.

Peter paused, and then let out a load groan, as with shudders racking his body, he reached his own climax.

For several minutes, they stayed as they were. Peters' arms were around Sammy and hugging him to his own body. Then gently, Peter disentangled himself and lay on his back. Sammy did the same so that their bodies were still touching. No words were said, nor were they necessary. They both reveled in the warm after-glow of sexual release.

This is what I want thought Peter. I've never reached the same level of fulfillment with Brenda as I have just had with Sammy. I've always concentrated on giving pleasure rather than my own enjoyment. Now I feel warm, happy and relaxed. In a way, I feel that I have bonded to this boy more than I have ever bonded to anyone before. Whilst Karl is my best friend, I know I could never completely bond with him. Now here we are, just two males who, as well as enjoying each other's company, have satisfied each other's needs.

I've reached a crossroad in my life. I now have to find a way to tell Brenda and the girls. I know I'm going to hurt them all.

Sammy was staring up at the ceiling and reveling in the warm after- glow of sex. Peter's minute body movements seemed to radiate through his own body.

Whatever happens from here on, I will remember this night. This is infinitely better than sleazy sex in dark smelly places. Here I am lying in my own bed with my lover beside me. I can listen to his heartbeat and feel his breathing. But don't get too far ahead of yourself, Samuel. Peter is committed to another and I do not want to be the cause of his marriage break-up. No. No and No.

But how do I get this across to Peter? I really don't have a clue how to handle this. It was comfortable just lying together, not talking, and just enjoying each other's silent company. Eventually, Peter turned onto his side and with his hand gently stroking Sammy's nipples said -

"I could do that all night. Once is not enough. It feels good just to be with you Sammy."

"Yeah, but Peter it's getting late and you have to drive home. I can't help thinking about your wife and family. It feels mean of me to want to share you. I'm just a kid really - I don't know how to handle a situation like you're in."

"Who does," sighed Peter." Who does know how to handle a situation like this? I know I'm going to, hurt people - I know that. But at least I can make sure that you don't get hurt."

"Well, it would hurt me to be accused of breaking up your marriage. It would break my heart, but I would rather finish us here, right now, than to be accused of that. And I don't believe our relationship would survive such an accusation."

"I'd never let that happen, Sammy - you're too important to me. But, hey. You talk too much." And with that Peter leant down and kissed Sammy again -

Breaking away Sammy said breathlessly. "Pete, if you keep that up we'll be here all night. As much as I want that, you still have to be on your way."

"Yeah - I guess so," sighed Peter. Then brightening a little he said. "Next week, can we do this again next week?"

"I'll have to check with Billee. But you and she look like you enjoyed each other company, so it should be OK. I'll call you."

Chapter 7

The idea for a surprise birthday came from a conversation at school between Maria and Brenda. Maria was lamenting on what to give Karl for his birthday, when Brenda suggested a surprise party. At the time, it was a great idea. For obvious reasons, it was tentatively planned to hold the party at Brenda's house. Now that his birthday was only two weeks away, it was time to get down to detailed planning.

There is a little coffee house down on the harbor at Mornington, which has views over Port Phillip Bay and the boat anchorage. On the weekend, it is frequented by 'yachties' and local fisher folk. On a good day, you can sit outside and enjoy all the sights, sounds and smells of the sea.

On a fine, clear afternoon, Brenda, Maria and her mum sat down outside at a secluded table. Acting as the hostess, Maria left the two women and went to the counter to place their orders. Whilst Maria was away, Brenda said a little hurriedly -

"Has Karl told his folks about his medical problem?"

Gwen answered with "Yes - and it wasn't very pleasant. I'll let Maria fill you in on the details. But it was very traumatic for Karl, and Maria. You know Brenda, I'm going to sound a little callous, but I'm only thinking of my daughter now. That doesn't mean that I don't feel for Karl, but well, a mothers first duty is to her own children. Being a mother, yourself, I'm sure you understand what I'm saying."

"I know what you're saying and I also know where you're going with this. There's no way that Maria will ever divorce Karl. She loves him too much, Gwen. I am really very, very, sorry for her - and indeed for both of them. It must be hell."

"Yes, well, although Maria hasn't confided in me yet, I know how she must be feeling. By that, I mean as a little girl she always had a wish to have children. It's the same for most women - ,"

At this point Maria returned to the table and the conversation lapsed.

"Isn't this a lovely spot," commented Gwen. "I do love to look at all those gaily painted beach huts along the shore there. And the tinkling sound of yacht halyards, I find very relaxing."

"Well, don't get too relaxed mum, we're here to plan Karl's surprise birthday party and it's only just over two weeks away. So let me start proceedings."

"Firstly Brenda, I hope it's still Ok to use your place for the affair?"

"Oh yes - No problem. Peter and I have been talking about the outside settings. Also Pete has told Rick and Karl's other mates about it. They're all enthusiastic. Peter will also arrange for the grog to be delivered, including ice. He'll contact you to see how much soft drink he should order."

"Great", said Maria. And the scheming threesome fell silent as their order was delivered.

Gwen was quiet as she ogled two very large scones with jam and piles of cream. Maria had settled for a 'Wicked' Chocolate Mud Muffin - which also came with cream, but Brenda was just having toasted Banana bread. The silence continued interspersed with "yummy," "Mmmmmmm" and "oh, this is divine."

Back to business and Gwen, still munching on the last of her scones, said "What about the guest list? Who's putting that together?"

"Well, I guess that was up to me," Answered Maria. "I've got a preliminary list of people I've asked and been confirmed." Then began to read out the list which comprised 40 people. "Is that OK,

Brenda - can you handle 40 people?"

"Sure," confirmed Brenda. "We have ample room outside and even if it rains we've got a large covered patio that adjoins the family room."

Becoming a little serious Maria turned to her mother and said firmly "Mum, as you can see I've not invited Natt. He can't control himself when he's drunk. Karl's still furious about Dads birthday. I don't want to risk another outburst at Peters place - I hope you understand."

All Gwen said was "Sure, that's OK. I understand. But I see you've invited Samuel. I didn't know he's a friend of Karl's."

"Well, Karl and Sammy got on real well when he was last here, so I took the chance and invited him. Also, I figured we owe him after last time. And Karl said he actually liked Sammy - he enjoyed his company." Suddenly Brenda spoke up saying with a small laugh "That reminds me, I found a hand note in Peter's pocket the other day with a mobile number for someone called "Sam". I hope its short for Samuel not Samantha."

In something like mild shock, both Maria and Gwen silently digested this piece of unsettling news. Of course, Brenda was not aware of the bombshell she had just dropped. Seeing that Gwen was about to speak before using her brain, Maria sent a very firm Meta-message of 'NO!' Gwen immediately caught on and sat back, but still feeling a little uneasy.

Confused herself Maria asked "What was the note written on? I mean was it on a business card?"

"No, I don't think so," Brenda answered. "Matter of fact it looked like a piece of coaster. I didn't look on the back. I will when I go home." Trying to make light of the trend in the conversation Gwen said,

"Oh, I'm sure it's nothing. I'm always fishing out bits and pieces from Jim's pockets all the time. You're not concerned are you - I mean you and Peter are a very stable couple."

"No - Everything's great. But Peter has been acting a little quiet recently. As if something's always on his mind. The other night I found him tightly hugging our girls. Nothing wrong with that - except, it made me feel a bit uneasy for no reason."

In an effort to stop this trend in conversation, Maria interposed with "All right girls - let's get back to Karl's party, if you don't mind. We still haven't decided on the food."

As soon as Maria got into Gwen's car, Gwen said, "Maria - What do you make of that. I didn't know that Sammy and Peter knew each other. Where did they meet?" Does Brenda know that Sammy's gay?" "No she doesn't. The only place they could have met was at the football. Karl took Sammy along to meet Peter and Rick. Why Sammy gave Peter his phone number is a mystery. I could understand if Peter gave Sammy his card - probably for a free massage. You know, Mates Rates. Anyway, I know that Karl didn't tell the other boys about Sam, for obvious reasons. Also for obvious reasons, I'm not going to tell Brenda about Sammy. It would only stress her out."

"Yes," admitted Gwen. "But I think you should talk to Karl. Maybe he can throw more light on the mystery."

"I will, but first I'll talk to Sammy. He's the only one that can provide an answer. In fact, I'll call him as soon as I get back home."

"Well, I'll be interested to hear what he says. But look, don't dwell too much on this - you have some severe problems of your own to contend with."

"Oh, for god's sake mother - lighten up."

True to her word, Maria called Sammy on his mobile as soon as Gwen had dropped her off. Sammy answered on the third ring.

"Sam here."

"Hi Sammy - Its Maria. Can you spare a few moments or have I caught you at a bad time?"

"For you dear Cuz, I'll make time. Who wouldn't want to talk to the most beautiful girl in Melbourne?"

"Oh, piss off," She laughed. "It's just that I'm curious - a woman's privilege. Just now, Gwen, Brenda and I were having coffee to finalize arrangements for Karl's party. Brenda mentioned that she had found a note in Peters pocket with your mobile number on it. For some reason, it seemed strange. I thought you only met Peter at the footy that Saturday. Had you met Peter before?"

Oh shit thought Sammy. I gave that note to Peter when we met at the steam bath. He must have left it in his pocket. And now the wife's found it. Shit, Shit, Shit. And now I have to lie to Maria. Shit. Best to say as little as possible. And of course, warn Peter as soon as possible.

Concerned at the momentary silence, Maria said, "Sammy, Sammy, are you still there?"

"Yeah," Sammy responded slowly. "I'm just trying to remember. I think it was at the footy. Peter asked me for my phone number, I think." "Oh Ok," said Maria. "So you gave it to him at the footy. I know it's not my business, but has he called you since?"

Now that's a relief. She hasn't asked had I seen Peter since, only had he called. I don't have to lie about that.

"No, he hasn't. But why the interest. It's not a big deal. Is it?"

"Yeah. No it really isn't. Your right. Just a nosy female wanting to know everything, I guess. Now, are you still Ok for the party? I don't think Karl has any inkling. I'm sure it's going to be a big surprise."

"Yep, I'm Ok and looking forward to it. I think I'll give him a gift voucher to Bunning's. Let him choose his own present."

"That sounds great. Well, bye now \- see you soon". And Maria rang off. But she had a lingering feeling that Sammy was not telling the truth. He sounded evasive.

And why the long pause before he answered my question?

It wasn't until Karl sat down to dinner, that Maria had time to ask Karl about Sammy's note. She explained how Brenda had found the note in Peters pocket and how Sammy told her Peter asked for Sammy's phone number at the footy.

"I don't remember Pete asking Sammy for that," Karl said thoughtfully. "It certainly wasn't while I was around. And, as you know Sammy came home with me. Very curious."

"Then why don't you ask Peter next time you talk to him?"

"Oh, come on Maria - Guys just don't ask those sorts of questions of each other. Look, its Peter's business, leave it be. I'm sure there's a simple explanation." But Karl remained very thoughtful the rest of the night.

Peter slowly replaced the phone after his return call to Sammy. It had been a traumatic day for him. The morning had brought a call from his Accountant to say that the Income Tax Office was going to conduct a tax audit. As the firm's Public Officer, Pete was responsible for giving the taxmen all they require.

Then, around lunch time his mother had called to tell him that his father was 'gravely' ill. She sounded like an emotional train wreck. But this call from Sam was very concerning.

Well, this double life couldn't last forever. I know that. I've been telling myself that it has to end. All I know is that I can't go on living a lie. I am gay and I have to be open about it. What I should do is say to Brenda, "Look Hon, the reason I've got that phone number is because I'm gay and have been having an affair with a man. We can't go on as husband and wife. We'll get a divorce, but I'll take real good financial care of you and the girls - So you needn't worry out money."

Hell, I couldn't say that. Not in a million years could I be so cruel. Coming unexpectedly like that would destroy Brenda and the girls. In fact, it would destroy anybody. How would any woman feel if her husband just up and told her that the man she married and had babies with, is an imposter?

Oh God, there has to be a better way. At least I can thank Sammy for the 'heads up'. I'll only respond to Brenda if she brings it up. From what Maria told Sam, Brenda does not have any inkling that something's amiss.

Oh you bloody coward Peter. It's just too hard and you're taking the easy way out. But for how long? It surprised me when Sammy said Maria had invited him to Karl's surprise party. It seems that Karl and Sammy had 'bonded', so to speak, over  their own personal situations. Now at the party, which is just a little over one week away, Sammy and Brenda will come face to face. And if someone tells her that Sammy's gay - Oh shit. I don't want to think about it.

Rick arrived at the pub early on Friday evening and found an empty stool next the bar. Ron, the barman came over and in response to his questioning look, Rick responded -

"Yeah, I'll have the usual. I'm really bloody thirsty. I reckon I could swallow Port Philip Bay."

"Well, you'll have to settle for a beer. Say, Rick, do you know that there's a problem between Karl and Natt? Last night Natt came in and before he could join the gang, Karl just upped and moved away. I asked Natt about it because we were all a little surprised. Karl's usually very easy going. Natt said they had words at Natt's father's birthday about his cousin. Seems he's gay. You know, the little guy that Karl brought in when you all went to the footy."

"Who - Sammy? Sammy's gay? I don't believe it. Who said that? No, it can't be. I invited him to come wenching with me. Anyway, he doesn't look or sound gay."

"Well, that's what Natt said. Ask him yourself if he comes in."

"I bloody will - or better still, here's Karl. I'll ask him. Hi Karl, How's yer day been?"

After Karl had settled in and was gulping his beer, Rick caught him by the arm and led him aside.

"Hey man, there's a rumor going round that your cousin Sam's a poofter. Is it true?"

"Bloody hell, you don't need to be a rocket scientist to work out where that came from. Natt should keep his foul-mouth shut. Christ, I'd love to iron him out flat. Maria's cousin and all."

"So it's true. Sammy is gay? And I was being real nice to him. Even invited him to go pussy hunting with me. Geeze, I feel such a bloody fool."

"Well, it's no big deal. Don't know what you're getting all frothy about. So he's gay. You liked the guy before you knew. Now you know - nothing's changed."

"Well, it has for me. I don't know too much about gay people. I mean, how do two guys have sex together? I can't even think about it -makes me want to spew. Anyway, it's against gods rules, isn't it? I mean doesn't the bible call gay sex sinful?"

"Don't listen to the biased ravings of small minds who want to judge other people by their own narrow standards. Anyway, why should you be concerned about gays having sex, when, if I remember your own words, you haven't had any pussy over six months."

"Hey, that's below the belt and really unfair. No need to get personal, it's not like you to be abusive."

"Well, I'm sorry. I don't mean to get on your case. It's just that Sammy's a nice guy and I hate to hear bad things being said about just because he's gay. Natt lashed out at Sammy at my place and I certainly don't want any repeat of his filthy attitude. Let's rejoin the guys."

But whilst he rejoined the group physically, his mind was wandering to other places.

The more I think about Brenda finding Sammy's note in Peters' pocket, the more it seems a little weird. I never heard Pete ask for Sammy's phone number at any time at the footy. I mean, they'd just met for god's sake. Why would Pete want his number? What the hell's going on? And it's really not so important that I should ask either of them for an explanation. It's sort of an invasion of privacy. But if I think that - what is so private? I suppose it's only because I know Sammy's gay that it becomes curious. Or do I mean suspicious. Yeah, that's really it. If Sammy was straight, none of us would give it a second thought. So why am I dwelling on this?

To tell the truth, I'm feeling a little uneasy.

"Hey Karl," Said Rick breaking into his thoughts. "I'm shouting - same again?"

Maria stopped by her mother's after school to take Gwen for coffee. She needed to go over the final plans for Karl's party, this coming Saturday. When Maria rang, Gwen was preparing Natt's dirty clothes for the washing machine. She was not in a good mood.

"He's turned into an absolute slob, Maria. I wish he'd find himself a nice girl and settle down soon. I'm tired of looking after him." Maria thought it wise not to comment.

Now Gwen was browsing through the kiddies section of Target, looking for a present for one of a friend's granddaughters. Maria drifted away, also browsing.

Gwen had almost decided on a little pink, fluffy dressing gown when she, by chance, looked around and spotted Maria, who was standing, a little bent over, holding a baby's rattle. Gwen could that something was wrong. She replaced the gown she was appraising and went over to Maria. "My god child, what's wrong?"

Looking up with tears rolling down her face she said in a broken small voice. "I'm never going to have my own. I'm never going to know what it feels like to be a mother. Oh mum, I do want my own babies. What am I going to do?"

Gwen felt totally inadequate. She could feel her daughter's anguish but couldn't do anything about it. Mothers are there to council and console their children. Now here was Maria with a gut-wrenching problem and Gwen had no answer for her.

"I think you should go and talk to a marriage counselor. Both of you. The anguish that you're feeling now has to be shared by two people. I know Karl's a very proud boy but he has to realize how traumatic this can become. You married for better or for worse. This is now a bad situation. I can recommend a good lady, and suggest you and Karl see her as soon as possible."

Chapter 8

The only gauge as to whether a surprise party is a success is - was it a surprise?

Peter had invited Karl and Maria over for dinner to celebrate Karl's birthday. They were to arrive at 7pm. Now, a little after, Peter answered the doorbell and, after shaking Karl's hand, directed them into the house. Telling Karl he wanted him to see something outside he led Karl, with Brenda and Maria following, out onto the darkened back patio. At a signal from Peter, Brenda hit the lights, disclosing forty odd people who shouted in unison - "SURPRISE! SURPRISE! HAPPY BIRTHDAY"!

Karl was dumfounded. He really had no inkling of a party being planned. As people crowded around him he recognized his parents, Maria parents, Rick, Ron the barman and then Sammy and a host of other friends and acquaintances from work. His handsome, tanned face split into an infectious grin.

Peter stood back and let the merriment progress. Brenda and Maria also watched happily, knowing that all their preparations had been to the good. After a little while, Karl came back and kissed both Maria and Brenda in appreciation. When Peter finally dragged him away to get a beer, Karl said---

"You bastard. You dirty rotten bastard. First time since I've known you Pete, that you kept a secret"

Peter gave a comradely laugh at the jibe and replied "Well, this is one secret I've enjoyed keeping - you deserve it Karl."

At that point Karl's parents came over with their own subdued congratulations. Karl's dad was German pompous, but he good- naturally shook his hand. His mother landed a very motherly kiss on both cheeks. Then the party settled down to some serious boozing and heaps of food.

Sammy went out of his way to avoid Peter - a stratagem they had both agreed on. He felt a little out of place not knowing most of the people there. His aunt Gwen came across and tried to be friendly. But the conversation was awkward. No one will ever forget Natt's words. It was like an invisible barrier between himself and his relatives.

He spied Rick and remembering his previous warmth, he strolled across to where Rick was jabbering to some of his mates.

"G'day Rick. Remember me. It's Sammy."

"Oh yeah Sammy. I'd like you to meet some of me mates." And then introduced Sammy to the group.

When he'd finished he grabbed Sammy's arm and gently steered him away from the boys.

"We need to talk Sammy. I didn't know you were gay. You should have told me. I made a right fool of meself, asking you to come wenching with me. You should've told me."

"Well you didn't make a fool of yourself, as you say. So please don't feel hurt. I really enjoyed your company and, to be frank, I was looking forward to meeting you tonight. And don't be alarmed - I'm not going to seduce you. You're much too young and ugly for my taste in guys. I've got a lot of straight friends - nobody really cares."

"Yeah well, Mornington's a small place and we're all pretty basic down here. Most guys would find it difficult to be seen talking to a gay guy. In fact, to tell the truth, I'm feeling a bit uncomfortable just talking now. I mean you're a nice guy. But if folks know your gay and I'm seen talking to you, they might think I'm gay too."

"Oh - I see. Guilt by association. What bullshit. Nobody's gonna think you're gay because I'm talking to you. C'mon Rick, this is the twenty first century."

"Maybe. But take a guy like Peter who's as straight as you can get. I don't think Pete would like having a gay guy around. Remember, it's his house. But anyway, just don't say anything to my friends will you, they can become feral."

Biting his tongue to stop getting angry, all Sammy said was "You don't have to worry about me. Your friends are safe. In fact, I'm getting so much sex I can't handle any more. C'mon, lets join the group, otherwise they might become suspicious."

"Hey. Come here arsehole. I want some words with you." Karl, who had by now several cans under his belt, grabbed Peter and steered away from the group he was talking to. Peter too, was well on the way to alcoholic bliss.

"'Fore I get too drunk, I just wanna say thank you for the party. It's real nice of you to lend your home for me. I'm having a ball. When I sober up tomorrow, I'll come by and thank Brenda properly. It's been a great turnout. Here, let me get you another beer - You sneaky old bastard."

"Ta muchly." Peter laughed. "Anything I can do for my 'ol buddy is a pleasure."

"Yeah, well, I really needed something. My life's going to shit at a gallop. Sometimes 'ol buddy, I just feel like sitting down and bawling my eyes out. And I've got this feeling that it's only gonna get worse."

"You're talking about shooting blanks?" Peter enquired. "What's happened now? I thought everything would calm down eventually."

"Nope. Nooope it's 'snot. Seems I've got Marias family against me. Not that they've said anything but I'm getting a silent message from the arseholes. Especially that fuck-wit Natt. That guys bad news. Well anyway, Maria and I went to see a marriage counselor yesterday and she all but said there are only two options. And not very nice ones. The bitch is only thinking about Maria - NOT ME."

"Ok, Ok - calm down." Peter put his arm around Karl to comfort him." Don't get yourself too riled up. Try and enjoy the party. Why don't we meet tomorrow and we can talk more comfortably."

"Yeah, thanks mate. I'd really like that. I admire you, Pete. Seems you're the only one in my corner. I feel the whole world closing in. That's why I'm so happy about the party. You're a great buddy. Hey, what have you and Sammy been up to?"

"Nothing." Peter said after a moment's hesitation. "Why do you ask?"

"Oh the grapevine said that Brenda found a note from Sammy in your pocket. And well, you know what women are - nosy."

"I honestly can't remember. I'll ask Brenda about it. She hasn't said a word to me. Probably nothing important. Hey, I need a piss." But as Peter walked away he thought -

God I sounded lame. I wonder, even in his half-pissed state, whether Karl will recognize how evasive I was. What a lame answer I gave. Another lie. They just keep piling up. Have another beer Pete and go on pretending.

But to Karl something wasn't right. Even though he'd had a few cans he was uneasy - resentful.

I'm not so pissed that I know when someone's being evasive. I suppose I've been dwelling on my problems and not recognizing that others have issues too. Pete deliberately didn't answer my question. Why? It's no big deal. What could be so hush hush? Dammit. I'll worry about it tomorrow. Back to the party. But why do I feel so put out?

Peter came out of the toilet and, standing on the top step, surveyed the party crowd. It's amazing, he thought, how an Aussie get-together develops an unwavering pattern. First, a mixed group of young people; then a group of young males, then a group of young females and lastly the 'oldies'. But everyone seemed to be enjoying themselves. He had strung colored lights around the BBQ area which gave the area a carnival atmosphere. Pete didn't know all the invitees, only their common friends.

But then he spied Sammy who was standing all alone, trying to look as if he was enjoying himself. Their eyes met and Peter waved an acknowledgement.

This is stupid, he thought. I can't leave Sammy all alone. He must feel wretched. Bugger our agreement - I'm going over to him, and to hell with what people might say.

And Peter strolled over to where Sammy was standing, all alone and bravely clutching his beer.

"Hi Babe. Isn't this fucking sick. All I want to do is put my arms around you and walk around like any other couple. Instead, we have to play games."

"Yeah." Sammy responded looking grim. "I've been told by Rick not to seduce any of his mates. Can you believe that?"

"Oh, that's good, that's really good," Peter laughed. "Who would want to have sex with any of those cretins? They can't even get a woman. I bet Rick hasn't had a root in six months, if not more. I bet he could write a manual on masturbation."

"I can believe that. Isn't it hilarious how ugly straight men always assume they're going to be raped by us queers. Sometimes they're so ridiculous all you can do is laugh at them. And by the way, your wife is a very lovely girl. I haven't met her yet - thought it may be wise to stay away." "Well, if it happens, it happens. Don't fret about it. Where are you staying tonight? I hope you're not driving back tonight. I don't want you being breathalysed."

"No," Sammy said. "I'm staying with Karl and Maria. I'll get up early and drive back then. Karl looks as if he's having a good time - and getting thoroughly pissed. Have you ever tried his schnapps with a beer chaser?" "Yeah," Peter said ruefully. "I've been there with him many a time. Seems it's a German tradition. Hey talking about Karl, I think he's going through hell about being barren. I know he talked to you about it. Did you know that they've been to see a marriage counselor?"

"No - that's getting pretty serious I reckon its gunna get worse. My aunt Gwen and her tribe have always been feral. My mum doesn't have a lot to do with her. I guess she's alright, but her son Natt is an animal. Jim's not much better. No, that scene could get ugly."

"Well, if you get a chance, see if you can help Karl. He thinks the worlds against him. I mean he said at the counselor's place, all they talked about was poor Maria. Considering Karl's family background, he must be devastated. Do what you can baby. He needs as many friends as he can get right now."

"Will do. And I imagine the tongues are wagging right now watching you talking to me."

"Fuck 'em."

Gwen walked into the kitchen laden down with two bowls of yummy looking wine trifle. They looked a riot of color with jelly, custards, cake and nuts thrown in wild abandon. Brenda was whipping cream to go on the top of each. Gwen reasoned, from long experience, that only the females of the horde would partake.

"Geeze Gwen, you're my heroine. I love wine trifle. It takes me back to being a little kid, when every Sunday lunch we had a roast of some sort followed by wine trifle."

"Well, why don't you carve yourself a big helping while I dole them into serving dishes."

While Brenda dipped in, Gwen continued, "Has Maria said anything to you about their visit to the marriage counselor?"

"No - Not yet," Said Brenda forking in mouthfuls of the delicious dessert. "We haven't had time so far. Getting organized for the party has been uppermost. I believe you recommended they go and visit?"

"Yes I did. We went shopping earlier this week and I left Maria browsing while I went to select a present for a friend's granddaughter. I happened to turn around to say something to Maria. I'll never forget the look on Marias face. I can still picture the scene. She had picked up a baby's rattle - And simply broke down. She kept saying "Mum. I'll never have babies of my own, will I?" She was distraught Brenda. Frankly, I was afraid for her. Sometimes all it takes is for something unimportant to break down barriers. As a mother, I felt useless. She really wants her own children. She just can't have any with Karl. That's why I recommended they both go see a marriage counselor. I just hope I'm not seen as interfering."

"No, you're not. You did what any mother would do. Oh god Gwen, I don't know the answer. She loves Karl and is desperate to have kids. What a dilemma. I know I'm sounding selfish, but I'm so glad it's not me." "Yes, I understand," Gwen sighed. "Karl is a very beautiful young man but, as you know, that's not going to last forever. It's their future down the line I'm concerned about. Kids have a way of keeping families together. They put a meaning into any relationship, as you well know. What's going to happen when she's in her Fifties and no kids to fuss over. She'll never be a grand-mother. Oh, every time I think about it I get depressed. Let's take these truffles outside eh, enough of this. It'll have to work out - one way or another."

At that moment Maria came into the kitchen and, seeing Brenda and her mother struggling to get the 'trifles' organized, she began to pitch-in.

"Thanks Maria," Gwen said gratefully. "I appreciate the help. How are you enjoying the party?"

"Well, I think it's been a great success. Everyone seems to be enjoying themselves and Karl is well on the way to being pissed. But you know what really rankles me, he hasn't so much as said 'Thanks' to me. Seems he's expressed his appreciation to all and sundry, except me." "Oh come on Maria," admonished Brenda. "He's probably too excited. I'm sure he'll express his gratitude very pleasantly, when he sobers up."

This brought a gentle titter from Brenda and Gwen whilst Maria just blushed.

Brenda was talking to a group of friends when she grabbed Rick as he was walking by.

"Rickie---Got a sec?"

"Hey Bren. I'se just going for a leak. But just to get a chance to talk to the prettiest girl of the party, I'll put me bladder on hold. Me and me bladder are at your service."

"What a load of bull-shit," Laughed Brenda. "Who is that young man Peter's talking to?"

"Ah yes - that's our Sammy. And he's a what, not a who."

The word play was lost on Brenda as her curiosity kicked in. "Where did Peter meet him. I've not heard his name mentioned before?"

"Oh, Bren, he met Sammy when we all met him that day at the footy. He's Marias cousin. I guess that's the first time Peter met him, I guess. Anyway, he's not the sort of guy that Pete would invite if he wasn't Marias cousin."

"Not the sort. What do you mean - Not the sort?"

"He's a poofter, Bren." This was said in aloud drunken voice so that several people turned around to look at Rick.

"He's Gay? He doesn't look Gay. He's a homosexual?" Brenda was stunned. And then she remembered something that Maria had said in passing.

"Yep," slurred Rick. "He sure is. But I thought Maria or Karl would've told you. Seeing he was invited to your place. They shouldn't invite undesirables to another person's house. Hey, sorry babe, now I gotta have a piss."

As Rick left on what would be one of many visits to the 'john', Brenda went inside and found the message left in Peters pants. With Sammy in her sights she dialed the mobile number. And watched as Sammy pulled out his phone to answer the call. Brenda quickly disconnected.

So that's Sam. And he's Gay. And he left a message for Peter to call him. Oh, this is getting curious. Why would Peter want his phone number? And for that matter, why would he give Peter his phone number?

The speeches over, Sammy decided he'd had enough and went looking for Maria. If she'd give him their keys, he'd catch a cab to their place. As Rick had studiously avoided him all night, he was damned if he was going to say goodbye. Why is it that decent guys turn ugly at the very mention of someone being gay? Perhaps because they're not so decent.

Looking for Maria, he felt a tap on his shoulder, and turning round there was Brenda. He immediately got defensive. This is shit he thought. "Hi, I'm Brenda, Peters' wife," she offered. "You're Samuel, aren't you? Marias cousin. Pleased to meet you."

"Oh yeah, Brenda - Hi. I was just looking for either you or Peter to say goodnight and thank you for a great party. You certainly went to a lot of trouble for Karl. I'm sure he appreciates the effort."

"Oh, you're not going are you? It's too early to go yet. Tell me, had you met any of Karl's friends before? I think Rick mentioned you to me. I'm sure he wouldn't want you to go."

"Oh, I'll catch up with Rick again. But I live up in Melbourne, so I'm staying overnight at Maria's place. I'll take off early back home. I need time to get rid of the alcohol. I've just got a car so it wouldn't be good to get pinched for being over the limit, and Karl offered me work with him which means I'll need a car because I'd have to travel from Melbourne to wherever Karl's working and I've just come over from Perth so It wouldn't be good to be fined so soon after arriving in Melbourne and my friend Billee needs me to drive up to see her son Luke, who's in a special school because he's got ADD and I would be letting her down if I couldn't drive -."At this point Sammy ran out of stupid things to say.

"I see." said Brenda with a little smile. "That's very commendable. I wish all young guys could be as responsible as you seem to be. Maria said you only came over from Perth a few months ago. It must be hard trying to settle down in a completely new place, away from your family. I gather you didn't know Maria very well and had never met Karl."

"Yeah, that's right. I came down for my Uncle Jim's birthday and only really got to know Maria and Karl then."

She seems ok. What am I feeling so guilty about?

"You poor thing. So, aside from meeting Rick and Peter at the football, you really don't know anybody else here. It must be trying. Have you made many friends in Melbourne?"

"Not a lot. I've become very good friends with the lady I'm sharing with, but aside from that - no, not many. You see my work's a bit itinerate. But Karl has offered me a job with him and I'm looking forward to it."

Is it my imagination or am I being interrogated?

Looking interested Brenda remarked, "That's real good of Karl. Does that mean you'll relocate down here?"

"Nah - I'm happy where I am. As I said, Billee's turned out to be a great mate. I wouldn't want to leave, except - and he laughed "Unless, of course, she throws me out."

Laughing with him Brenda said "Oh, you seem like a level-headed young man. I don't think there's any danger of that. Well it's been good to chat with you Samuel. I'm glad we met. Now I should get back to my hostess duties for this savage mob. Nice meeting with you - Look after yourself."

"Yeah, you too. Nice to meet you, Brenda."

Gawd, that was hard. How is Peter going to hurt a nice person like that? She seems so basically good. Ok, she was fishing for info, but who could blame her. She senses that something's not right and just needs reassurance, even if she doesn't understand that her marriage is in danger. That's human. Shit. I wish I hadn't met her. This whole thing is becoming messy. I just don't want to be involved. I can see that I'm going to be blamed for breaking up Peters' marriage. No Way. No, no way.

Brenda, on the other hand was glad she met Sammy.

I thought that went well. What's got into me? Why would I get suspicious of Peter and that young man. There's probably a very simple explanation for the note. I mean, he's gay isn't he. That alone would preclude any suspicion. Peter hates gays. Anyway, I'm just getting too nosey in my old age. Let's get this party wound-up. Clean up, and have a nice quiet family day tomorrow. Or is it today?

Karl was pissed - Legless. The human body can only handle so much Beer with Schnapps. It was now past 1 am. Somebody had sat him down in a garden chair so he couldn't do himself harm. Maria was having an intense conversation with Ron, the barman, when Sammy announced that he was going to call it a night. She was a little merry but excused herself from Ron.

"Oh, Sammy, could you take Karl home with you in the cab? I couldn't handle him myself and I want to give Brenda a hand to clean up."

"No problem, Cuz. You call a cab, and as soon as it arrives, I'll get Karl organized."

"Thanks Sammy - You're an Angel. Bye the way, I saw Brenda talking to you. What did you think of her?"

"She's very nice. I like her straightforward approach. I thanked her for having me at the party."

"Yeah, Brenda's the best. Their marriage sets us all a good example. Peter's a damn good husband and father. I only wish my own marriage was as good. I hope I can talk to you regardless of what you think of Natt and my family?"

"No worries Cuz. You seem to be cast from a different mould than the rest of the family. What about Aunty Gwen, has she been heavying you?"

"Not directly," Maria said quietly. "You know how parents are, a little jibe here and an innuendo there. She's trying to force me to make a decision."

Sammy was incredulous. "You mean, about Karl being barren?" What business is it of other people?"

"Well, Mum suggested that we see a marriage counselor. I thought it a good idea at the time but, I think it upset Karl very much. I mean suddenly we were confronted with stark choices. I feel as if a black cloud has descended on our marriage."

"What does Uncle Jim say?"

"Nothing to me as yet, but I know it's coming. I think he's letting Mum interfere for the time being. And of course, he didn't approve of Karl and me getting married. He's still got a bias against Germans. He and my brother."

"Well, just hold the line. It's between you and Karl. Nobody else. Both you and Karl are really nice people; I wouldn't want to think that your lives got screwed up by other people. What's strange anyway is that my folks don't have any negative feelings for Germans."

"I think it's g . . . " At that point Marias mobile sounded, letting her know that a taxi was waiting outside. With much hilarity, they got Karl into the cab with Sammy watching that he didn't vomit all over the back seat. He controlled himself until they got home, whereupon he loosed a goodly spray of vomit all over the front steps.

Getting Karl to bed was a challenge for Sammy. He had to undress Karl completely and lay him on a sofa in the family room. He took a few moments to admire Karl's beautiful body. Then he undressed and put himself to bed in the guest room.

The next morning Sammy got out of bed around nine and wandering into the kitchen, found Karl staring morosely into a steaming mug of coffee.

"How's birthday boy this morning," Sammy teased. "How about a cold beer with a schnapps chaser?"

"Fuck off," Karl said unpleasantly. "But anyway thanks for tucking me in last night. I guess you didn't rape me after all. At least me bum, isn't sore."

"You were safe. In fact I wish I had a camera to take photos. They'd be a winner on Facebook. Say - where's Maria?"

"She's gone over to Pete's place early to finish the clean-up. Said if she misses you to say thanks for coming last night. But it must have been boring because you didn't know anyone. And you being the only gay man at the party."

No, not the only one, thought Sammy.

"Hey, I came because it was your birthday. I wanted to see the look on your face when we sprang the surprise. You looked dumfounded. I gather it was a surprise?"

"Total. I nearly shit myself. First time anyone's gone to the trouble to give little 'ol me a surprise party. And the timing was appreciated. I was feeling really depressed after our visit to the marriage counselor. The whole session was about poor Maria, because of me not being able to have kids. I know it's a bummer - but what about me? It's as though they can trample on my feelings without giving it a thought. I'm getting really pissed off, Sammy. You and Pete are the only two people I can share my feelings with. My parents are useless."

"Arena't they always," agreed Sammy. "Buddy, I'm going to be here for you. I'm sure Peter feels the same way. You're right. All I've heard is'poor Maria'. You must be feeling devastated, so I'll help in any way I can. Would you adopt?"

"Yeah - I suppose. Yeah, I would. But see, I don't have a choice, whereas Maria has two choices - adopt or ditch me."

"C'mon Karl, you're getting a bit negative. Maria loves you. She wouldn't' ditch' you just because you can't have kids. I mean she's just not that kind of person."

"Maybe, but it's not up to her. Her family doesn't like me, because I come from German stock. Its sick isn't it, they look down on you because you're gay and they want to piss me off because I'm barren. And yet you and I together are worth more than the whole lot of them. Geeze, why don't they do something about that looser Natt? For god's sake he's just trash. Thank god he wasn't invited to the party. You and I should be careful - I'm sure he wants to get even somehow."

"Anyway," Karl took a sip of coffee and continued. "Let's talk about you - do you want to come and work for me?"

"In a heartbeat. But you don't know me very well. I may not be suitable. What makes you think I can handle the work?"

"You're working as a laborer now aren't you? How would you assess yourself? Good at what you do?"

"Oh yeah, I can handle it standing on me head. I suppose roof tiling isn't much different. Once you get the hang of it."

"Exactly. But I also have an ulterior motive. I need someone I can trust to help me run the jobs. I'm not saying anything like a supervisor, just yet. But someone I know will look after my interests when I'm not around. I'm a good judge of character Sammy - I have a lot of faith in you."

"Thanks for that. Would you want me to move down here? I like the lady I'm renting with, she's become a good friend. Almost a big sister. I'd like to stay there. Travelling doesn't fuss me."

"Not a problem - we work all over the Melbourne area anyway. No, not a problem. When do you think you could start?"

Sammy thought for a moment and then said "Um, I'll talk to me boss first and work something out. I don't want to leave him in the lurch. I want to do the right thing."

"That's what I like about you Sammy. You're very responsible. Any other hand would just up and leave."

"Oh, piss off. I'm no angel. I'll call you tomorrow evening and let you know. And Karl, thanks a lot. It means heaps that you've shown confidence in me. And be assured I'll work my little butt off for you." "Now what are we talking about here?" said Karl. And they both laughed at the innuendo. "What are you doing today?"

"Well, I'll take off home now. Got some chores to do and then Billee and I are going down the pub before dinner for a few charges. She'll be real pleased you offered me the job. I won't let you down."

It was around 7:30 that night when Peter got a call on his mobile. He was sitting in the family room with the kids watching TV. There was no caller ID.

"Hello," he said. "This is Peter Symonds."

"Peter - Oh thank god I've got you. Peter - Peter - this is Billee, Sammy's friend. Oh Peter - it's Sammy. He's been very badly hurt and has just been rushed to the Alfred Hospital Emergency by ambulance. It looks bad. Oh God - it was awful - they attacked him and -"

"Woo there. Slow down. Sammy - Sammy's hurt. You say he's hurt bad - an ambulance. How bad is he? It's not serious is it? Oh god - please, please Billee, tell me he's going to be ok? Oh No, this can't be happening."

"I don't know Pete. I just don't know." Billee started to sob. "They - bashed - and - hit him - - - in the face - - and - - chest - his hands - and - - - -" Billee started to cry uncontrollably.

"Look - Billee. Listen to me. I'll leave right now and meet you at the hospital. Are you OK? Did they attack you? Are you hurt?"

Regaining some control Billee managed "No - no, I'm Ok. They just attacked Sammy. Look I'll tell you the whole story when I see you. Oh and - the police have been called. Please hurry Pete. I'm frightened." A stunned Peter rang off and stared mutely at the phone. In a trance he managed, "I've got to go out. A close friend of mine has been hurt. I've got to go."

Without saying another word, he ran out to his car and drove off in a scream of tires.

Brenda was left speechless. He didn't even say goodbye, even to the girls. She felt a wave of dread engulf her. Something was very wrong. Something was very, very wrong.

Chapter 9

Peter arrived at the hospital about Nine p.m. It had been a mad dash from Mornington and he was hard-pressed to stay under the speed limit. Giving Sammy's name, he was immediately sent to the intensive care unit. Desperate to find out news, he was then sent to the nurses' station and asked to see 'Samuel Forsythe'.

He was impatiently waiting for details when Billee walked out of a small waiting room.

"Oh Peter, Peter. I'm so glad you're here. They won't let me see him because I'm not a relative. You'll get the same treatment."

"Do you know what his status is? Have they told you anything at all?" Why can't we talk to anyone?"

"Because we're not family. I gather they have contacted his cousin

Maria and she's apparently is on the way."

"Damn, damn, damn. I should've called Maria and Karl. When I got your call, I just high-tailed it. Don't think I even picked up my wallet. Let's go along to the nurse's station and see if we can't get some details."

But all they were told was that he is in intensive care, with serious injuries. Some of his ribs were broken and they're worried he might have a punctured lung. As soon as the next of kin gets here, they'll be able to see him.

"Look," pleaded Peter. "We are his closest friends. In fact, much more close than the next of kin. He comes from Perth, and the two of us are the only friends he has in Melbourne. Please. Please - we're anxious to see him."

The nurse thought quickly and said, "Ok then - you can sit, but don't disturb him. The doctor's due to check on him in 15 minutes."

With that she led them across the Intensive care unit and into a single room. Sammy laid semi- propped up with electrodes running from his body to several instruments. His head was swathed in bandages so that you couldn't see his features. His right leg was propped up resting in a sling. He was unconscious. All that could be heard was the steady 'beep, beep' of the life-support monitors.

"Oh my God - Sammy, Sammy." Peter whispered when he saw him lying in the bed. Both Peter and Billee looked at each other, stricken with anguish.

"Oh Peter, he looks so small and vulnerable. I don't think anyone could survive what happened to him." She started to cry silently.

Standing there looking in disbelief at the damage to Sammy's body, Peter felt a surge of emotion that he'd not experienced before. He felt anger sure, but more powerful, was a longing just to hold the boy and somehow make him better. Peter knew then he was truly - in love.

Oh what have they done to you? What sick mind would want to damage such a beautiful young man? All you wanted Sammy, was to be happy and to share that happiness with those around you. And now they've brought you down. But Sammy - I pledge you this. I will not rest until I find who has done this to you. I also pledge, with every fiber of my soul, that I will never stop loving you.

Aloud he said simply "I love you Sammy."

Billee looked at Peter. Then she quietly went around to him and hugged him with all the feeling she could muster.

"Peter - I'm sure that, in some faraway place, Sammy heard you. Please, please it would mean the world to him for you tell him that you love him when he wakes up. I don't think Sammy has ever had anyone tell him that he was loved."

So there they stood, two people sharing grief, when a doctor came in with two very large gentlemen.

"I'm Dr. Stevens. You know you shouldn't be here. My patient needs complete quiet and rest. He is on our critical list. Follow me please?" Then he led them into the small waiting room that Billee and he had just left. Before Peter and Billee began to ask questions, the older of the two gentlemen said -

"I am Detective Murphy and this is my partner Detective Raddon." Addressing Billee, he asked. "I take it you are Ms. Billee Seymour and you witnessed the attack?"

"Yes - I am." Billee managed. "The whole thing took place in front -"

"Thank you," interrupted Murphy. "We'll get more detail in a moment." turning now to Peter he inquired. "And you are - ?"

"My name is Peter Symonds. Samuel is a close and very dear friend." Both cops' eyebrows rose at this offering.

Turning now to the doctor he asked politely "Doctor, could you give us a brief rundown on the lad's injuries?"

"He has three broken ribs, one of which is very near his lung. He'll need an operation. He has sustained a compound fracture in the right leg as well as damage to the pelvic area. But what we are most worried about is his head damage. He sustained several blows to the skull that are very severe. We won't know more until we x-ray and do an EPG. And now I must go back to my patient."

"Thank you, doctor. Please let us know if there is any change in his condition." With this he turned to Billee -

"Ma'am I believe you witnessed the whole attack. Could you tell us what happened."

Billee looked up from where she had been staring morosely at the floor. "I've already told the other constable all about the attack. Why do you want me to repeat it? Why waist bloody time? You should be out looking for those animals. If I can get my hands on them I'll . . . "

"Yes, Yes," interrupted the detective. "I understand your anger. But we now believe this was a targeted attack. Please start from the beginning and try not to leave out details - no matter how unimportant they may seem."

"Well, we went to the local pub, which incidentally is just down the corner, about 100 meters, and stayed there from 5.30 till 7.30. We were walking home after having our usual tipple; he drinks beer whilst mines wine. Just as we got near our front gate three 'persons' got out of a car which was parked up the road . . . "

"Did you see any rego number?" interrupted Detective Raddon. "Or notice the type and color of the car?"

"No - It was too dark, and frankly we weren't anticipating any danger. But it was a sedan and either dark blue or black."

"OK. Please continue."

"Well, we didn't take any notice of the men at first. We get a lot of young yahoos in Elsternwick. Time and time again our neighbors, me included have -"

"Ok, just tell us what happened next." This from the senior detective.

"Well - as I was saying before I was interrupted, the three men approached us. It was then we noticed they were wearing masks and I can tell you that really put the wind up me. I mean you only wear masks to a party and I can tell you there was no party anywhere . . ."

Exasperated Det. Murphy said, "Yes, go on please. What happened then?"

"Well, if you'd only let me finish without interrupting all the time, the leader called out "filthy poofter scum" then walked up to Sammy and said, "See if you like this you worthless little queer". And then he started punching and kicking Sammy. I started to yell, but one of the other assailants pinned my arms around my back and placed his hand over my mouth. I was yelling and screaming but no one could hear me." Peter sat with mounting horror as Billee continued describing the attack. He imagined the blows landing savagely on Sammy's unprotected body.

"Then," continued Billee. "There were two of them laying into Sammy with everything - boots, fists and knees. I struggled to get free, but the arsehole holding me was too strong. Then they started hitting Sammy on his face and head. He crouched down in a defensive stance to try and protect himself. But, two against one, it was futile. All the time they were yelling "Poofter", "Queer", "Faggot" and other terrible names. They were enjoying it. Finally, they stopped and ran back to the car. I went over to where Sammy was laying motionless on the ground. He was unconscious and bleeding badly. That's when I dialed 000 and -"

"Well, thank you for that Ms. Seymour," said Detective Murphy. "Could you describe the leader? The one you say approached Mr. Forsythe in the first place."

"Not really. I mean it was dark and they were wearing masks. But, I tell you the one that was holding me had the worst breath I've ever smelt."

"Was he tall, short, well-built, young, old - that sort of thing?" this encouragement by Detective Raddon.

"He was definitely young, tallish but running a little to seed. That's all I can tell you. But, I'd recognize his voice anywhere. I'll never forget it."

"That's OK - that's good. Is there anything else?"

"Not Really. But just give me five minutes with the big bastard and I'll cheerfully bite his cock off."

The younger Detective turned to Peter and said -

"I gather you and Mr. Forsythe were in a relationship? How long have you been together?"

"Only a short few weeks. I met Billee through Sammy. Look, I'd better tell you - I'm married and my wife, as yet, doesn't know about Sammy. My life's in a mess."

"Well, that your problem," Said Detective Raddon rather coldly. "Do you know of anyone who had a grudge against Mr. Forsythe? Anyone, with a grudge big enough to instigate this attack?"

"No, not Sammy. He's only been over from Perth about six months and hasn't met a lot of people. He met a couple of my friends one Saturday at the footy, but no one in my crowd is capable of doing this. He's got a cousin Maria who he gets along with very well. I believe he also has made friends with Maria's husband, Karl. But the rest of her family was quite cold to him when he came over from Perth - because he's Gay."

"Oh - I see. Well, thanks for that. Doesn't sound promising, but we'll follow up every lead."

Detective Murphy then turned to Billee. "I know it's very painful but we need you to come down to the station and make a written . . ."

At this point Maria and Karl came rushing up the corridor and, spying Peter, stormed into the room.

"Peter where's Sammy. How is he? How bad is it? Can I see him?" This from Maria in a frantic voice.

"Excuse me," said Detective Murphy. "I gather your Mr. Forsyth's relations. His cousin?"

"Yes," said Maria in a little voice, "And this is my husband Karl. What is going on, please?"

At that Detective Murphy brought Karl and Maria up to date. "Oh my God," wept Maria. "Poor little Sammy. Who would do this to him. This is awful. When can I talk to a doctor?"

"He'll be along soon. We'll let him know that Mr. Forsyth's relatives have arrived." And turning to Billee he asked. "I gather you don't know Mr. Forsyth's relatives."

With that Peter cut in and said "Oh' sorry, sorry. Maria this is Billee Seymour, Sammy's landlady." They all shook hands.

Addressing Karl and Maria the senior Detective asked, "Do you know of anyone who would want to injure Mr. Forsythe?"

"NO. Nobody," said Maria forcefully "I mean who would want to hurt such a sweet young boy. Did they hurt him because he is Gay? I've heard of this going on, but never imagined anyone would hurt Sammy. He doesn't have a nasty bone in his whole body."

"Well, to answer your question, we don't know who did this, but in our professional opinion, Mr. Forsythe was specifically targeted - by three unknowns. And in view of the scope of his injuries, we will be charging the perpetrators with Attempted Murder."

"NOT GOOD ENOUGH," shouted Billee. "I want to murder them. But first, I'll castrate them and bite their cocks off. After they've bled to death, then you can charge me with Murder."

"Woo there. Woo, Stop", cautioned Detective Murphy. "Don't go making statements like that. Look, I'm sure you're in a state of shock. We'll take you around to see the nurse. And if you're Ok, we'll get you to make out a written Witness Statement. OK?"

With that the detectives left with Billee. Maria and Karl went to find Sammy's doctor. Peter was left alone in the waiting room.

Sammy, I love you. I guess I've never felt like this before. Never like this with Brenda. Please, please - don't die Sammy. Live, live, so I can just hold you in my arms again.

But now I have to face the music, firs, with Karl and Maria; and then with Brenda. I'm sure Brenda knows that something is wrong. She'll demand answers when I get home. I have to tell her the truth. I have to be honest not only to myself but to all around me. I'd better be prepared for some tough times ahead. To many people, I'm gonna smell like a piece of dogs shit.

"Coffee?" Peter looked up to see Karl standing there with two cups of steaming coffee. He handed one to Peter and sat down beside him.

"Thanks," was all he could muster. For a few long moments, they sat side by side, not talking, just sipping the hot coffee. Finally, Karl broke the silence with -

"C'mon Pete, you have to tell me what you're doing here. And this time I don't want any evasive answers."

"This is hard Karl, real hard . . . but I'm gay. I'm telling, because I can't go on any longer living a lie."

Karl did not speak as he tried to absorb this stunning news. He could see that Peter was very distressed and miserable.

"Well, I'm finding that very hard, not only to believe, but also to accept. Are you saying that you are having a relationship with Sammy?"

In a very tired voice, and fighting back tears, Peter acknowledged. "Yes, I am. I met Sammy just recently, before we all went to the footy. It was a casual relationship at first, but since that Saturday, we've grown very close - too close."

"And what about Brenda, I take it she doesn't know yet? Am I the first person you've told?"

"Yes buddy, you're the only one I've told so far. I'm going to tell Brenda as soon as I get home."

"Wow. Geeze, you're Gay. I'm completely stunned. I mean, I knew something was up. Both yours and Sammy's explanation about the mobile number didn't ring true. I just didn't cotton on that you were gay. Pete, I've known you for a long time and I never once suspected that you were gay - Wow."

"Oh yes - I did well at covering up. But it's been killing me. My whole life was a lie, Karl. Even without Sammy coming on the scene, the time had come for me to 'come out', so to speak. Look, I don't want to get into details right now if you don't mind. I'm trying to muster the courage to go home and tell Brenda. I know it's going to be very bad. If you still want to talk to me, we'll meet somewhere privately. Ok?"

"Of course I still want to talk, you silly bastard. In a way I'm embarrassed, here I am dumping my problems on you whilst you're struggling with your own. We ought to start up our own little leper colony."

At that moment, Maria came back into the room looking grim. She gave Peter a questioning look but all she said was -

"The doctor said it was too early to tell yet. They still have to run some more tests. But they tell me his condition has been stabilized. They'll call me if there is any change. Peter why -"

"Maria," Karl interrupted. "Peter and I have been talking and he's explained everything to me. How about we all go home and on the way, I'll fill you in. I think Peter would like to be on his way - Right Pete?"

"Yes. Thanks Karl. The sooner I get this over -"

Maria cast a questioning look Karl's way, but he anticipated what Maria was going to ask.

"Honey, let it be for now. Let's get moving and I'll explain all to you. Pete - ring me as soon as you can - please."

Driving back to Mornington, Peter was in emotional agony. He went through several scenarios to tell Brenda. Each one he rejected as worthless. In the end, he just decided to tell Brenda he was gay and let the chips fall where they may. There was no way to lessen the impact for Brenda. The kindest way was straightforward and simple. So it was with absolute dread he turned into his driveway. It was now just after 2 am.

I am now truly at the crossroads. This really is the moment of reckoning. This is the moment I've been trying to avoid for a long time

When he opened the front door, he could see the lounge room light on. Almost in a trance, he walked in to find Brenda standing next to a chair. It was obvious she'd been crying. For a moment, they just stared at each other. It was Brenda who broke the silence.

"I really appreciated your phone call Peter; it was very considerate of you. After all, it's not a wife's place to know about her husband's private affairs. I suppose I'm just being nosy. But having admitted that, who is this "close friend of yours who has been hurt" - you're words I think."

"Sit down Brenda - please sit down. I've got something to tell you. Something I've been hiding for a long time." He paused, dreading what was to come next.

"Well go on, I've had enough suspense for one night. What are you going to tell me?"

"Brenda, there's no easy way to say this - I'm Gay."

For a long moment Brenda just stared at him, and then with anger and passion -

"Stop lying Peter. I've had enough of your evasions and lies. And if you think it's Ok to joke, I'll tell you - NO, NO, and NO. I don't want to hear any more lies. What's going on?"

"I'm sorry, but it's the truth - I'm Gay."

"You're Gay. That's bullshit. You're a married man - a wife and two children. You can't be Gay. For Christ's sake, we've been married for six years. We used to have an active sex life. I know about the birds and the bees. You can't have sex with a female and then claim you're Gay. NO. It's impossible. It doesn't make sense." This last with a sense of fear.

"I agree with you there - nothing makes a lot of sense. I wish this is just some game being played. But it's not. I've had to face the truth about myself."

"OH, so this is some game eh. Tell me, when did you decide you were Gay? Was it yesterday, or tonight or maybe -"

Brenda suddenly stopped in mid-sentence, as if she had a sudden thought, and then whispered - "Samuel. Samuel, the Gay boy. Has this got anything to do with that piece of degenerate shit?"

"Yes. It does," sighed Peter. "Please Brenda, let's sit down - please."

"Yes, that's it. I see it now. He's seduced you. He's cast an evil spell and made you succumb to his filthy habits. I mean darling - YOUR NOT GAY. It's impossible. Look -"

And to Peter's distress, Brenda exposed both her breasts till she was naked from the waist up.

"Remember these sweetheart," Brenda rambled on confidently. "Remember you liked to nibble me until I got real hard and then after the babies were born you used to taste my mother's milk. YOUR NOT GAY, PETE. Anyone who can enjoy my breasts as much as you do, just - Cannot be Gay. NO, I see it now. It's that creature. He's cast an evil spell on you. But, don't despair darling, I can overcome any evil that he's put on you. Let's go to bed now, it's getting late and I have to get the kids ready for school and you must be tired after that long drive, and tomorrow is another day and I'm tired - Oh god Pete, I'm so tired . . . "

Peter was horrified He never expected this. Shouting, screaming, tears and anger yes, but not total and absolute DENIAL.

"Bren, I've told you that I'm Gay. I don't know what else to say. I don't want to go to bed right now. If you want - you go. I'll look in at the kids."

"There, you see. You love the kids. Gays hate children. Which means that you're not Gay? It's quite clear to me, you've been taken over. I feel better now. We'll fight this together - tomorrow. But now I'm really tired -"

And with that Brenda, naked from the waist, strolled trance-like, off to bed, leaving Peter still standing in the lounge room.

Stunned. Peter just sat himself wearily in a chair. In his favorite chair in his lounge room. Everything was the same and yet it was all different.

Denial. I never considered she would go into total Denial. What am I supposed to do now? I can't just leave her and the kids and go some ware else for the night. I mean, I could always sleep at work. I need advice, but who is there to advise me. I'm a pariah. I'm going to be extremely unpopular with everybody. I've got to live with that. Shit. The best thing is to accept that everybody hates me and just keep surviving. I'll make sure Brenda's asleep and then I'll get into bed with her. Boy - I need sleep.

One thing's for sure, tomorrow is going to be a lot worse than today.

On that note, Peter tiptoed into their bedroom and warily eased himself onto the bed, being careful not to disturb Brenda.

Maria was still stunned. Peter - Gay. It just seemed incredible. When Karl told her, in a lifeless monotone, all that Peter had told him, she just couldn't believe it. In fact, she refused to believe it. It was impossible. Not Peter. Now, as she and Karl sat at their kitchen table sipping unwanted coffee, she was forcing herself to accept the fact. Karl looked drained. Maria knew that his outwardly calm exterior simply camouflaged the turmoil within.

And, of course there's Sammy. Now I have three crises' to contend with. Sammy, lying in the hospital. Brenda, finding out her husband's Gay and, of course, my own domestic strife with Karl. Its now, what, after 2am. What Brenda is going through right now is far more serious than my own problems. I desperately need to call her to offer help. That will have to be later this morning - perhaps Brenda will call me first. To be sure, neither of us will be going to school today.

Poor Karl. His best friend is a queen. It must have been a tremendous blow. Peter just didn't look like a poofter. Well then, neither does Sammy. Geeze, I wonder how many other guys are hiding their sexuality from wives and girlfriends. I'm not going there. Being Gay - Yuk. I could never bring myself to talk to Sammy about what Gays did with each other. Yuk. Sadly now, our close friendship with Peter and Brenda will never -"

At this point Karl broke into her thoughts with - "Who do you think bashed Sammy up?"

"Oh, what? Maria responded, coming out of her reverie. "What did you say, Karl?"

"I said - Who do you think bashed Sammy up?"

"I don't know. I haven't got a clue. Why? That's not important right now. Our two close friends are going through hell. That's all I can handle right now. That's all we should be worrying about right now. Let the police do their job. Are you going to see Peter today? Will you feel uncomfortable knowing that his supposed friendship might just be covering up from something more sinister? Do you think he wants to have sex with you?"

"Stop it Maria - Stop it, don't go there. Peter is still the same guy that he was before tonight. Let's cut him some slack. But, I've been thinking about the cop asking if we knew of anybody who wanted to harm Sammy, and the only person I know is your brother."

"Natt! You think Natt had something to do with Sammy's bashing. That's bullshit Karl. Bullshit. Natt might not be an angel but he certainly isn't violent. I mean he's my brother. I would know. No, No. Natt wouldn't have anything to do with such a vicious assault. And I don't want you causing trouble by going to the police."

"Alright. Alright. We'll draw up the wagons around the family. I didn't say he did it, all I said was he's the only person I know who has a grudge against Sammy. Struth."

"Well, it's very late and I'm really tired. Let's go to bed and get some sleep with what's left of the rest of the night."

Peter slowly opened his eyes and didn't move until he was fully conscious. He was alone. Instinctively he went over the events of yesterday. Bad. Bad. Bad. Whoever had said "The Truth Shall Set You Free" should've added "But Getting There Is Hell."

There were sounds coming from the kitchen, so Brenda must be up and getting the children's breakfast. But there was a strange silence. No childish laughter or winging. Just the sounds of pots and pans. He listened for a little while longer before summoning the courage to get up and get dressed. Casual, as he wasn't certain about going to work.

Walking into the kitchen, he found the two girls eating their cereal in silence. They looked cowed. Brenda was at the bench buttering some toast. He couldn't see her face. He said "Morning Girls" but as he bent down to kiss them both, Brenda whirled around and shouted -

"DONT TOUCH THAT CHILD - DONT YOU DARE TOUCH ANY OF MY CHILDREN - YOU FILTHY, DISCEASED PIECE OF SHIT."

The venomous tone and sudden shout made Peter jump back. Both the girls dropped their spoons and started to cry. Narrelle said "Mummy, Mummy," and ran to Peter as if for protection. Little Susie started sobbing - "Mummy, I'm frightened. Please Mummy." Undeterred Brenda, looking wild and out of control yelled -

"GET OUT. GET OUT - LEAVE US ALONE. I HATE YOU. YOU'RE JUST A DIRTY LITTLE FAGGOT. YOU REVOLT ME. GET OUT - I NEVER WANT TO SEE YOU AGAIN."

With that she threw down the knife she was holding, and fled back to the bedroom.

Peter was badly shaken. The girls were crying uncontrollably. Narrelle was still clinging to Peter's legs. Making an effort to recover his composure he said "Guys, Mummy's not feeling well today. Just give her some time and she'll be better. Now - are you both ready for school?" When they both nodded silently, he told them -

"Get your school things together and Daddy'll drive you both to school." Then he had another thought and called Maria on his mobile. When she answered he began -

"Maria - its Peter. Look I know I'm not your most favorite person but right now I'm worried about my girls. Brenda is understandably taking this very hard. We need time together. Can you look after the littlies for today?"

Coldly Maria replied. "Ok, I'll look after them for Brenda's sake. I really don't want to speak or see you again Peter. But the children are innocent and they should not be punished. Bring them over and I'll take care of them."

"Hanging up, Peter said to the girls. "How about you wag school today and spend the day with Auntie Maria? Eh, what do you say?" This was acknowledged by two faces nodding tearfully, but positively.

Dropping the children with Maria was extremely unpleasant. She was cold and conversation was even colder. Glaring at Peter, she said she would call Brenda straight away. Peter ventured to ask if she had heard any news about Sammy's condition, but all Maria said was -

"No, I haven't."

After giving the girls a little pep talk and saying that everything was Ok, he drove off. Where to - ?

Well - I did it. I've been honest. So why do I feel so bad. I will never forget the look on Brenda face. Her pain will stay with me for a very long time. I feel like a piece of shit. I know other people are hating me, but nothing like I hate myself, right now. I suppose I'm finally paying the price for being a coward. And a miserable coward. Look at the hurt and pain my cowardice has inflicted on those I love.

How do I face my friends and family? No one will ever understand why I chose to lie. They'll just hate me for not telling the truth. Yeah - but while I'm here wallowing in self pity a beautiful young man is probably fighting for his life. C'mon Peter - get a grip.

I need to contact Billee. Yeah. Maybe we can meet after 5 and go to the hospital. Also, I'll have to find a place to stay tonight, probably for a few nights, until Brenda is capable of having a discussion.

I'd love to call Karl but I'll have to wait for him to call me. That's how it's going to be for a while. I can't blame my old friends for being pissed off. I lied to them. I held myself out to be someone else. And I can't ask them to see it all from my viewpoint. Why should they?

Maria had tried calling Brenda three times, but there was no answer. Alarmed, she bundled the girls into her car and drove round to Brenda's house.

Anxiously, she knocked on the door and called out, "Brenda, open up please - it's Maria". There was no response, so she knocked louder almost yelling, "BRENDA. BRENDA - IT"S MARIA. PLEASE OPEN THE DOOR."

To her relief she heard shuffling steps approaching the door, and a moment later, Brenda opened the door.

Maria was taken aback at Brenda's appearance. She looked a physical and emotional mess. Her dress was all crumpled and her face bore the ravages of deep emotional turmoil. Obviously, she had been crying for some time. If she had felt anger at Peter before, looking at her friend made her furious. The rotten dirty bastard.

"Hi Maria - nice of you to come by". And at that point both the girls jumped out of the car and flung themselves on Brenda.

"Mummy, Mummy," they cried. "Don't be sad, we'll look after you."

"OK darlings, you go inside and watch cartoons while Mummy talks to Auntie Maria."

When they were safely established in front of the TV, Brenda came into the kitchen to find Maria making coffee. "Thanks," she said. "I really need a cuppa. I suppose you know about Peter?"

"Yes - I do. Karl explained everything to me driving back from the hospital. I was dumfounded. Disbelief. I can't get my brain around Peter being Gay. I know how I feel. I can't even begin to imagine how you feel. It's simply, shocking. But my main concern is for you. How are you coping?"

"I'm not. In one night, all the security I felt yesterday has gone. Vanished. I thought I had a great marriage and family. I was looking forward to growing old and -"

Brenda started crying with deep racking sobs. Understanding the pain that her friend was going through, Maria put her arms around Brenda in a compassionate hug. Brenda was now sobbing uncontrollably. Maria just let her carry on, letting all her misery run its course.

Eventually she stopped crying and looked at Maria with a tear-drenched face. Instinctively, Maria sensed that Brenda badly needed someone to talk to.

"What am I going to do Maria? My husband says he's Gay - he likes men not women. Does that mean that every time we had sex he was wishing I was a man? I don't understand anything anymore. I - I - feel so dirty."

"No. It doesn't work like that. People are capable of deep loving for a person even though they might not have the same level of sexual attraction." That I do know. Look - as bad as it seems now, it's better to have happened now than later on. That being said, it must have been an awful shock. I honestly don't know how I'd cope if Karl had said he was Gay. As it is we're having serious problems."

"Oh - I don't know if I am coping. When I woke up this morning all I could think about was getting the kids off to school and then killing myself. Then . . ." And Brenda once again started to sob Maria could feel her whole body spasm. I was tearing Marias heart out to see her friend in such distress.

"Look baby - Come and have this coffee I made and well talk through this. You know as well as I do that nothing's as bad as it seems. Although I must admit - It can't get any worse than this. But let's stop any talk of doing away with yourself. It's not in your character and you've got the littlies to consider."

Peter used the back entrance to his premises - the same as he did with Sammy the first time, and shut the door to his personal office. He called the office manager and told her that he didn't want to be disturbed today. He was deeply worried both about Brenda and his girls. It was a relief to know that Maria was looking after the kids at least. Brenda might be very naive about life but she had a very strong character.

I know she'll pull through eventually. Let her get angry and hostile towards him because that sort of emotion will help her cope - I hope. I deserve every insult that she can hurl. And I'm just going to have to take the shift from everyone. I really should think about moving away. But not from my girls. I will never abandon my kids. I still have the same responsibilities that every parent has towards their young.

Now that I've declared myself, I can begin to make decisions about my future. Sell the business and start up some ware else? That could be. But maybe down the line. Not now. I can understand if Brenda doesn't ever want to see me. That's OK. I'll get a lawyer to handle the separation. Tonight. Where am I going to stay tonight? I'll call Billee and throw myself on her.

Peter eventually got through to Billee about 2pm at work. He'd spent a few anxious hours trying to contact her. In the meantime, he called the hospital and got the automatic response - the patient "was doing as well as could be expected." Frustrating.

"Hello. Vera's Beauty Spa. Billee speaking."

"Oh hi Billee, its Peter. Have you got a moment, I need to talk to . . ."

" Billee interrupted with -

"Peter, I'm so glad you've called. Listen to my news. I just put down the phone with Detective Raddon. They have a suspect and have asked me to come in around 4pm to see if I can identify the person their holding. Isn't it exciting? They really move fast. I guess that while we were sleeping the cops were working hard on the case."

"Yeah - that is impressive. Four o'clock you say. Well I wonder if I can meet you down the corner pub around five? I've got a lot of news meself. Actually, I'll call into the hospital before that, to check on Sammy." "Oh Yeah - That would be great. Pete darling, I can't begin to imagine what you must have gone through last night. You poor darling.

You need a big hug - a real big Billee hug."

"Hey, thanks Billee." said a very relieved Peter. "I'll see you about5 then."

Billee always found Police stations intimidating. The cops never seemed to understand her. So what, she used a few unladylike words occasionally. Usually followed up by some deep and meaningful hand gestures. But this time was different. She was ushered into the Detectives room and offered a cup of coffee. And would she take a seat? "Yes thanks."

Detective Raddon - Why do I keep thinking of a hard-on – explained where they were at in the case.

"We've had a break in the investigation. Your general description seemed to fit someone who is well known to us. However, we don't have any proof, except you mentioned that you would recognize his voice. I believe he walked up to Mr. Forsythe and said, "See if you like this you worthless little queer" Is that correct?"

"Yes sir. I'll never forget the words or the voice. Just let me get my hands - "

"Now," Detective Raddon interrupted. "Listen very carefully. In a moment you and I are going into a line-up room where we have assembled six male persons. With us will be an attorney from the Public Defender's Office. Normally, you would be able to see the participants for identification purposes. However, today you will not be able to see the men in the line-up. But you will be able to hear their voices. I want you to listen very carefully to the voices. They will say the words - "See if you like this you worthless little queer". Listen carefully. Take your time. Don't hurry. If you think you recognize a voice just say the number that belongs to the voice. Is all that clear?"

"Uummm Yes. Are you sure they can't see or hear me? What about the attorney. Won't they be able to identify me?"

"No, don't worry. But as we explained, when you made your written statement, you will be required to give evidence, later in court." "That's very Ok," enthused Billee. "Just let me get my hands on the fucker."

Then Billee was taken to a room where she faced a glass partition which had been covered over for this occasion. A lady, obviously the Public Defender, stood by the partition. She nodded a greeting at Billee.

Detective Raddon asked of no one, "Are you ready?" and a disembodied voice replied -

"Yes. Number One. Please step forward, say you're number and then the words you have been asked to say. Begin."

Almost at once came a reply, "Ahh, number one - "See if you like this you worthless little queer."

Billee almost turned to the detective to say "no" but he cautioned her to wait for all the participants to finish. One by one they stated their number and then the required words. Billee was feeling disappointed that none were familiar, until number 5 stepped forward and announced the words.

Billee stiffened. It was him. She could never forget the tone and implied menace contained in those words. She stood stock-still anger and hatred boiling up within her. She hardly heard number six - there was no need to. She had never been more certain in her whole life.

Turning to Detective Raddon, she said with barely suppressed anger. "Number Five - I'd put my life on it."

The Detective nodded and turned towards the Public Defender. To no one in particular he instructed, "Bring out suspect Number Five, please".

The door opened and there he was. Even without a mask, she recognized the build and the posture. With that the Detective intoned, "Nathaniel Brin Huntingdon - I arrest you for the attempted murder of Samuel James Forsythe." And then read him his 'rights'.

Chapter 10

Gwen answered her home phone on the third ring. "Oh Gwen, I'm glad

I caught you - It's Elaine from Perth."

"Hello Elaine. How are you? It's nice to hear your voice. I guess you're calling about Samuel?"

"Yes, I am. I've already talked to the doctor this morning and I must say he's sounding a lot more positive than the last time I spoke. Sammy's still unconscious but he tells me that they will try and keep him semi-conscious so he can heal more quickly."

"Oh that's great news Elaine. We've all been very worried. Sounds like he's out of danger. Thank God."

"Yes - I'm a bit relieved. But he could relapse at any time. That's why they're keeping him sedated, to try to avoid any further complications. Anyway, the reason I'm calling is that I'm coming over to Melbourne. I'll stay at a hotel nearer to the hospital for the time being. I intend to rent a place for at least six months to look after Samuel whilst he recuperates. I'm thinking around Frankston. I'm flying out tomorrow. I thought I'd better let you know I'm coming over."

"Oh, that is good news Elaine. We'll let you get settled and then arrange for you to come down to our place when you're ready. Just let me know if there's anything and I mean anything, we can do. I know Jim will love to see you. By the way, do you want Jim to meet you at the airport? He'd only be too happy to help."

"No, thanks for the offer but I'll manage Ok. I'm going to call his landlady er - er - Billee, to talk to her more about the incident. I believe the police are involved and I'd like to find out how far their investigation has progressed."

"I don't blame you Elaine. I just hope they catch the mongrels who bashed Sammy. And soon. To know that such vicious bastards are running free is a big worry to all of us".

"Yes. Nobody deserves what they did to him. Well, must go now - I'll call you as soon as I get settled."

"Hi Bren, it's Rick. Look can I come and see you? It's about Peter."

"Yes Rick," Brenda responded wearily. "Yeah, come on around -I'd love to see you. Come as soon as you want."

When Rick walked in the kitchen door, as he usually did, he found Brenda and Maria sitting at the kitchen table, staring into their coffee cups.

Being Rick, he just launched into what was on his mind without any social niceties.

"I've got a mate in the cops who I asked to find out who bashed Sammy. He went over what they knew and in the course of his conversation he talked about Samuels partner Peter. What's Peter got to do with Sammy?"

Brenda just started sobbing. Maria raced around and held her tightly in her arms. In a cold voice she said -

"Rick - Peter is Gay. He and Sammy are having an affair. Peter only told Brenda last night. As you can see, she's deeply distressed."

For once Rick was silent. Stunned, he sat down in a chair and just looked at Maria with utter disbelief.

"Peter - Gay. How is that possible? I mean, he's married, got kids, loves the footy - a real top bloke. It's not possible. Struth. There's got to be a mistake."

"We're all stunned Rick. It's a shock to everybody. But Brenda -" There was complete silence around the table. Rick was so horrified at Maria's news, he just stared stupidly at the two women. For a long while, nobody said a word. Brenda continued to sob miserably. It sounded like she had reached the deepest level of despair.

"Oh Bren -" was all he could manage. This was something beyond Rick's capability to comprehend. Always a person to take people at face value and to trust them implicitly - he was lost. He was a little boy who had just been told there was no Santa Claus. Then he started to get angry.

"The bastard. The bloody, shitty, poofter bastard. He's lied to us all these years. Probably laughing at us. That's only what you can expect from all those queers. Their Sick. Ugh - just the thought of what they do to each other makes me want to puke."

"Rick, for god's sake, watch your language." Maria said sharply. "Think of Brenda. We're all angry Rick - but you're only making it worse for Brenda. Cool it, please."

"Oh, sorry. Yeah, you're right Maria. Sorry Bren, real sorry - I'm just angry."

"I wish I could feel anger Rickie," admitted Brenda. I wish I could punch someone. I feel - so \- so. Helpless. God Rickie, you're not Gay are you?"

"No. I'm definitely NOT Gay. And, don't worry babe. I'll stick by ya. It hurts me to see you so miserable. Hey, could someone fill me in on how this all came about? I'm totally confused."

And with that both Maria and Brenda brought Rick up to date with events. Brenda left out her embarrassing reaction late last night. Nobody was going to know that she had degraded herself.

Maria was saying, "and then Karl and I drove back -"

At that point, her mobile rang, and she answered it with -

"Hi Mum. What's - ? Ok, Ok cool down - take it slowly. What's this about Natt - ? NO - OH MY GOD. NOT Natt. IT'S GOT TO BE A TERRIBLE MISTAKE. OH MUM, I don't understand - Look, I'll come home straight away." She rang off. Her face looked like chalk.

Both Brenda and Rick said "Maria, what's happened? You look awful." In a disorientated voice she said -

"My mother called to say that my brother Natt has just been arrested and charged with the attempted murder of Sammy. I've got to GO."

Peter stood beside Sammy's bed and just stared at the young man who had changed his life. Sammy was still lying immobile, wired up to several monitoring instruments. The silence, interrupted by the steady "beep beep" of the monitors, was unsettling. He just stood and looked. Then touched Sammy's hands, giving them a gentle squeeze - almost a caress.

I love you little man - I love you with every fiber of my being. I wish I could hold you and comfort you. I want to tell you that my love is infinitely greater than all the vile hatred that exists in this world. I'll never let this happen again.

What kind of a world do we live in that harbors such evil against a fellow human being? Don't worry Sammy; you're in my care now. I'll make sure that no one will ever hurt you again. Not while I live.

Then he leaned over and kissed Sammy's mouth - tenderly and lovingly, just as a pretty nurse walked into the room.

"He needs all of that," she smiled. "We believe that love and tenderness reach every person in their unconscious state. Never hold back on love. Are you a relative?"

"No," said Peter quietly. "He's my lover."

"Well now," said the nurse giving Peter an appraising look. "My - Isn't he the lucky one".

Peter liked Billee's corner pub. It was intimate and full of colorful characters. Sitting here in a semi-private booth, he surveyed the crowd and tried to compare the company to his pub back home.

Back home -- where the hell was my home now? I suppose the word's out that I'm Gay. I can just imagine the conversation now back at the Grand. Shock and disbelief would soon turn to anger. They're all pissed off that I've lied to them all these years. And there's no way I can ever expect them to understand. It's my problem - and I must deal with it.

Billee storming into the pub, ignoring other people and plunking herself down in Peter's cubicle, interrupted his reverie. She was flustered and obviously bursting with news.

"Peter, Peter darling - Have I got news. I can't wait to tell you. Before I do, can you get me a large carafe of white wine. Please - Oh pretty please. And Hurry."

When Peter returned with her wine, Billee launched straight away into her news. But first, she had a large swig of wine. Then another.

"As you know I went to - OH shit, I can't - They've arrested a man for Sammy's bashing. I was there and identified his voice. I'll never forget that voice. When they brought him out I could see, even without the mask on, that he's the one. The detective told me that he usually teams up with two others, who are known to them, and they believe that one of them will crack and turn States Evidence. Oh. Isn't it exciting. They've moved so fast, I can hardly believe it."

"Well, hold on. Slow down," Peter said calmly. "Who was it? Did you find out the arseholes name?"

"Oh sorry. Yes I did. It's Nathaniel something Hollingsworth, or something like that. Do you know him?"

"No," Peter said thoughtfully. "The name rings a bell but I just can't place it. Has he been charged?"

"Yes, with Attempted Murder. They say the attack was so vicious that they want to make sure he's put away for a long, long time."

"Bloody Hell. That's great news. I only wish Sammy was conscious to hear the news." Peter sounded a bit mournful.

"Oh geeze, I forgot - How is the lad? Has there been any improvement?"

"Well, he's still unconscious but I gather that's deliberate. He looked peaceful enough. Actually, a nurse walked in and caught me kissing him. For the first time in my life I was able to say, to a perfect stranger, "He's my lover."

"Hey kiddo - Here's to you. That's an important step."

"Talking about important matters, I don't have anywhere . . ." Billee interrupted him by saying -

"If you're looking for a place to stay, I'd be delighted. In fact, if you didn't stay with me, I'd be insulted."

"Thanks heaps Billee. You've taken a great weight off my mind. I don't want to go back home. I believe Brenda would throw me out again anyway."

"Hey, you haven't told me what happened last night. I would like to hear about it, if it's not too personal."

Struggling to keep his emotions in check, Peter walked Billee through the previous evening's events.

When Peter finished, Billee sat quietly for a moment and then reached out and took Peter's hand.

"Look mate, what you did was hard. Maybe some would say cruel. But look on the positive side. You've given Brenda and your children all your love and care. But you have never been happy. You spent your life living a lie. That's society's fault - Not yours. I remember what it was like for Gay people twenty years ago. Being Gay was almost a death sentence. It's been almost forty years now since 'Stonewall' and sadly, nothing much has changed. Look at Sammy today. He's lying in a coma in a hospital. Right now. And why? - because he's gay." Peter was about to interrupt when Billee said -

"Let me continue. You've got a chance now to make a new life for yourself. There will be hurdles - that's life. But at least you can be honest with yourself. Now, as to Brenda. So, she's found out her husband is Gay. Shock. Horror. That's a big issue. But it's hardly the end of the world. She's still got her children and the knowledge that you're going to look after them. You're not dead and she's still alive. I know it's easy to say but - Go live your life Peter."

While Billee was talking, Peter was listening half mesmerized. This lady was one hell of a bird. She should have been a social worker. The things she was saying were true. So what, Brenda's been hurt - bad. But it's not the end \- only the beginning. All he could serve up was -

"Thanks Billee, that means a lot to me. You don't know how much better you've made me feel. Thanks."

"Aw Shucks - Piss off. Now I've got some more news. Sammy's mother Elaine called me to say she's coming over from Perth to nurse Sammy. She's staying at the Melbourne Motor Inn for a few nights. She wants to rent a house, somewhere in Frankston, perhaps on a six month lease. She asked if there was anything I could do to help. I said I'll talk to her tomorrow when she arrives. Any ideas?"

"Leave it to me. One of my clients is the Property Manager for Mornington Peninsular Real Estate. He owes me a favor. I'll call him tomorrow and get something set up. I gather she doesn't want to stay too long at the Motel - Eh."

"Yeah, they're pirates. Look, stay as long as you want at my place. Sammy won't be using it for some time. You'd be doing me a favor, and I enjoy your company. And as long as you don't rape me, we'll get along fine." This said with a happy smile. "And by the way - I'd like you to meet my son Luke. He's needed a strong male person in his life. I'm sure you'll like him."

A very much-relieved Peter simply said, "Hey, now that's all been settled, let's have another drink and this one to - Sammy."

The mood at the Grand hotel was one of utter incredulity. Some were saying that they'd had suspicions for some time. Some said it must be a joke. Some, including Rick, said they didn't like the guy and good riddance. Everyone said they knew something, but the reality was they knew nothing. It was all Brewers Bullshit. A few pointed out that he was the same Peter that they had known before the news, but these people were in a minor minority.

Karl stood among the group, keeping his peace and marveling how quickly a crowd can turn so nasty. One thing, he didn't feel like getting pissed. He alone was thinking of all the people involved, and how they were in pain. His mobile interrupted his musing and he answered it

"Hi Maria, what's - what. Woo...slow down, you sound hysterical. NATT. Your brother. WHAT ARRESTED - WHEN - NO. NO - ABSOLUTELY NOT. I NEVER SAID A WORD - HOW CAN YOU SAY THAT - Realizing that the conversations had stopped and the crowd were all ears he lowered his voice. "Maria - I swear. I didn't know he's been arrested until you just told me -. BULLSHIT. You tell your Father and Mother to FUCK OFF. With that he slammed the phone off.

He looked up into a sea of expectant faces. Was that saliva running out of their mouths? The only person who was going to win today was the Cash Register.

"Umm - I guess you heard. Maria's brother Natt has been arrested and charged with attempted murder of Sammy."

It is not true that nothing can exceed the speed of light - Gossip travels faster. Within hours, friends, acquaintances and even total strangers would know about one family's pain.

Sammy's mother Elaine was phoned in Perth by the Melbourne police and only told that an arrest had been made. She would get more details when she arrived in Melbourne.

Chapter 11

At first there were only vague unfamiliar sounds which gradually increased in intensity. Then the brain started sending impulses through the optic nerve, for the eyes to open. The eyes resisted because of the amount of light bombarding the retina. Gradually both auditory and optic senses stabilized - and Sammy opened his eyes, to unfamiliar surroundings.

A brief look around the room told him he was in a hospital. But where? How did he get into a hospital? What had happened? He struggled to remember. At that moment, a nurse came into his room.

"Hello there," she said. "Glad to see you've rejoined us. No - Don't try to get up. You've been in a coma after sustaining some serious injuries."

Sammy nodded Ok and fell back against his pillows. "How long have I been here? What is today?"

"Well, best if the doctor talks to you about your injuries, but I can tell you, we've had you sedated for six days from when you were admitted last Sunday."

"So today is what - Saturday? I've been out to it for nearly a week. Have I been any trouble?"

"No - Not at all," laughed the nurse. "But you've had some very regular visitors who have been concerned - as well they should. You were a very sick boy when you came in. Now, how do you feel? You've had a fractured rib and a severe concussion, as well as other problems. Are you in any pain? If you are, I can get you some painkillers."

"Can you tell me who's been in to see me? You see, I've just come over from Perth and don't have a lot of friends in Melbourne."

"Well, you've had three regular visitors. A gorgeous young man who says he's your lover. He's usually accompanied by a very vivacious lady - and, of course, your mother."

"My mother Here, in Melbourne. How - ?"

"Look sweetheart, I can't answer all your questions now. I'm on my rounds. We'll be contacting your mother now that you've regained consciousness. Don't rush things. After what you've been through, you need all the rest you can get. But the good news is they have arrested your assailant."

My mother - came all the way from Perth to see me. And I know she hates flying. But no Father? I suppose they both couldn't come over. But still -

Now I remember being attacked. So sudden. And the pain. All I can remember is the start - three guys getting out of a car and rushing towards me. That first punch \- and then the pain. And now – Here.

Peter and Billee. They must be the other two people. And Peter says he's my lover. Out loud. Wow. And Billee. I really do love that lady. Who the hell attacked me then - and why? Why? I haven't made any enemies whilst I've been in Melbourne. Well, I suppose I'll get all the answers soon. Geeze, this is a nice room. Usually I hate hospitals - noisy and smelly. But this is friendly. Nice blue walls and cheerful paintings. And flowers - someone sent ME flowers. Boy, am I sleepy.

Elaine was angry. In fact, Elaine was very angry. Not one to display her emotions, she always managed to maintain a calm composure. But this was different - very different. When she was told who had assaulted Samuel, she was dismayed.

A cousin violently assaulting another cousin is unbelievable. But what was more vexing was the attitude of my sister and that awful man she married. They were upset because their son was facing a long jail term.

There was no concern for my son who had almost lost his life to that moron. I have never been real close to my sister and when she married that awful man, I was glad they moved to the other side of the country. My niece Maria took after her mother and the son- dare I say his name - was really "a chip off the old block". He was rotten.

Karl is the only decent one in that whole brood. How he puts up with his in- laws is a wonder.

She had tiptoed into Samuels's room so as not to wake him. Seeing him lying there, attached to those machines and covered in bandages had shocked her. Her son - that beautiful young boy, bashed by that cowardly creature. I hope "what's-his-name" gets life.

As she was looking at Sammy, his eyes fluttered open. When he recognized her he tried to get up.

"Oh Mum. Mum - I'm glad you're here. You shouldn't have come, you hate flying. But thanks anyway. It's real good to see you. Guess I don't look such a good sight, Eh."

"Don't stress yourself Sammy. The doctor said you need plenty of rest. That's why I'm here. To look after you."

"Well, the nurse said I'm getting better. I've only been conscious for a little while. Apparently, I was out for almost six days. It's strange, I still don't remember a lot - just a lot of pain."

"You will and maybe it's best you don't recall the attack. According to the police it was sudden and vicious."

"Yeah - I wasn't doing anything bad mum. Me and my friend Billee - I hope you meet her, she's real nice - were walking back from the corner pub. Just when we got to our front door. Whammo."

"Yes, I know all the details Samuel. Do you know that they've caught the assailant?"

"What already. Geeze, that's fast work. I'd really like to see the bastard. Anyone who can attack someone they don't know, a perfect stranger, is a mongrel in my book. What's the slimes name?"

"Sammy - It's your cousin, Nathaniel."

Sammy just stared at his mother. For a long while there was silence while he digested this news.

"Natt! Natt - youse got to be joking. Why? Why? I haven't done anything to him - Ahh, Jim's party. Wow, I didn't think Natt would seek revenge."

And then Sammy told his mother all about Natts outburst at Jims BBQ - and Karl's response.

"Samuel - why didn't you tell me about this before? That's my sister and her son you're talking about. The ones I asked to take care of you. Disgraceful."

"Oh, I had intended. I thought it would all blow over. There again, I didn't know Natt too well."

"Well, I'm certainly going to have words with Gwen about it. I've come to realize that Karl is the only good person in the whole lot. I'm going to thank him for being the only one to support you. Wait till your father hears about this."

"And where is my father. Has he totally abandoned me? Looks like I don't have a father anymore."

"Samuel, you've got to try and understand your Dad. It's been very hard on . . . "

"Hard. On Him. This isn't about HIM. It's about ME - his son. So I'm Gay. So What. Would it be better if I was a nice little heterosexual child molester, or Hetro rapist or even a hetro serial killer? Look at me . . . "

"Oh dear" mumbled Elaine. "There I go saying the wrong thing."

" . . . Look at me. I've been pummeled within an inch of my life - only because I'm Gay. But my father finds it hard to accept me -. Well, FUCK HIM, FUCK HIM, FUCK HIM."

"Oh - please Samuel, don't use that kind of language. I know he still loves you."

"FUCK HIM."

Elaine was denied any further dialogue with Sammy by the arrival of Billee and Peter. Their entrance made for a lighter atmosphere in the room. It was Peter who first spoke -

"Aha. It's awake. Thank you lord for the miracle. How're you feeling Sammy?"And Billee -

"My God. You look handsomer than ever. Being bashed up must agree with you. More importantly, is your sex life still Ok?"

"Hey, you two. I must be blessed, first my mother and now my two best friends. What have I done to deserve this?"

From Peter, "All joking aside we've been very worried about you. Latest from the doctor is that you're well and truly on the mend. Bet you'd like to hear all the happenings while you were asleep?" When Sammy nodded affirmatively, both Peter and Billee brought Sammy up to date with events. Elaine said very little, letting his two friends tell the story.

"Wow, a lot's been happening. How is Brenda. I bet she took the news very badly."

"She did that", admitted Peter "I thought I had all the bases covered but her reaction still surprised me - and upset me. Still, it's for her good in the long run. But, I'll never get over hurting her."

"Oh, of course you will," chided Billee. "Both of you are starting new lives. Time eventually will heal the wounds. Don't you think so, Elaine?" "Yes Peter. It sounds like you and your wife are mature adults. I believe Billee is right. I am an optimist and believe that everything happens for the best. Although, at the time, it can be very difficult to comprehend. Now Sammy, I've rented a nice house in a place called Seaford. It's for six months with a monthly tenancy to follow. I'm not going home till I'm sure you're better."

"But what about you Billee?" Sammy asked. "Doesn't that leave you without someone to share the rent? I mean, I gonna miss your place- and your company. Oh, sorry Mum, I didn't mean to hurt you. Then Billee responded with -.

"Aha, don't worry Boychick, Peter has agreed to stay with me for as long as he likes, or until you both decide on your own futures. That's good news - isn't it?"

"Seems Ok with me." Sammy agreed softly. "Pete, do you think it would help for me to have a talk with Brenda, maybe -"

"No - Definitely not." Said Peter firmly. "Best you stay completely out of it. This is entirely between Brenda and me. You're just an innocent bystander."

Changing the subject Billee asked - "What are you going to do about that creature who assaulted you? Him and his mongrels. You'll have to testify against your cousin. You Ok with that?"

Breaking into the conversation, Elaine said -

"Now that's something I'm going to handle. I think I told you, they're only concerned that Nathaniel is going to get a long jail sentence. I'm ashamed of my own sister. And Maria - she sounds like she doesn't want to take sides. Can you imagine that? Karl's too good for that girl" "You know," Peter became very thoughtful "The one person who's been very quiet is Karl. I thought he'd be disgusted to hear that I was Gay, but he took the news very calmly. I got the feeling, unrealistically, that he was supportive. He plays very close to his chest. You never know what Karl is thinking. But he hasn't called me, nor come in to see Sammy. Probably just gets updates over the phone from hospital staff. But we've been close friends for years now. I would like to speak to him."

"Then why don't you - call him I mean?" Billee asked.

"Nah, better if he makes the first move. That's the way I'm going to have to play it with all my old friends."

To nobody in particular Elaine said, "Maria should be very careful, Karl is a very good-looking boy. I'm sure a lot of girls would like to snare him."

And at that point, a nurse walked in and said, "I'll have to ask you all to leave now. It's time for this young man's dressings to be changed."

Sammy was lying quietly reflecting on his future when he heard a "Pssst." and saw Karl's head peek into the room. Sammy couldn't help but laugh as the rest of Karl emerged - still in his scruffy work clothes. "Ssshhh," Karl admonished by holding a finger against his lips. "Don't say a word \- they think I'm a tradie dressed like this. I'll get kicked out if they think I'm a visitor."

"Well, you do look like you could do with a visit to the sterilizer room. Or is dirty singlet and crumpled shorts the new fashion?"

At that Karl favored Sammy with a smile that seemed to bring more sunshine into the room.

"Well, how's things Sammy? You look a whole lot better than when I saw you that Sunday night. Hey \- you really scared me. You were in Intensive Care, you know, for two whole days."

"Nah, I'm doing fine. I'm enjoying being pampered. Latest tests show I'm well and truly on the mend."

There was an awkward silence, as both boys considered how to direct the conversation. At last Sammy said -

"Karl - I feel bad about lying to you. You know about Peter and me. I didn't know what to say."

"Well," said Karl looking a bit serious. "It was a shock alright. I guess I knew something was afoot. Both your stories on the mobile message didn't ring true. But, I figured it was your business. Didn't figure out that you and he were having a roll in the hay."

"Nicely put. I hate lying. That's why I'd rather people know the truth about me rather than pretend I'm something I'm not."

"Well, I reckon Peters paying the price for that right now. You know, I probably should call Pete, you just can't imagine the crap that's going on down the Grand. Shit, those characters are something. I don't enjoy drinking there anymore. And the worst is Rick. Claims he knew Peter was Gay from the get-go. Can you believe it?"

This was news to Sammy. "Rick - you've got to be kidding. Bet he's sniffing round Brenda, Eh."

In an inquiring voice Karl asked, "Tell me, if it's not too personal, how long you have known Peter. How long have you been bumping each other?"

Sammy laughed "You certainly have a way with words. No, I'd only met Peter a few weeks before you introduced me down the pub. It was a bit of a shock for both of us. I reckon, if I hadn't met him that Saturday, I wouldn't ever have seen him again. So, we really don't have any long term relationship at all."

"Um - Not according to Pete. He was distraught that night at the hospital. He went from here, straight home and told Brenda. I'm sort of glad I wasn't a fly on that wall. Naturally, she took it hard. Brenda can be very vicious when somebody crosses her."

"Hey Karl, I don't want this scene. I don't want to be classed as the cunt that broke up a marriage. Its Pete's problem. Shit, according to Pete, he's been sexually active for years now. I refuse to take any blame. I'll spit on anybody who tries to make me guilty."

While Karl digested this, Sammy continued, "What's happening with you and Maria?"

At the mention of Maria, Karl became agitated. He sat slumped in the chair.

"Yeah - What is happening, you may well ask. I'm just about getting fed up. It's not Maria so much as her family. Your Relatives. By now you know about Natt. Your own cousin bashing you within an inch of your life. What a bastard. Just because you're Gay for Christ's sake. The family's only worry is about poor Natt in prison. Not one bit of concern for you. I talked to your Mum - She's rightly furious."

And Karl continued getting more emotional. "They treat me like I'm some freak, just because I'm barren. Nichts sperm. All they care about is Maria. How she's throwing her life away being with me. They make me feel like I've got a nasty disease. Maria has taken to looking at me in a disapproving manner. She makes me feel small. You probably feel the same way, you know people looking down on you. It's giving me the shits. And I've got nobody to talk to about it. Sometimes I think I'm gonna burst."

"Well, if it's any help I'm with you totally. You went to bat for me when that fuckwit Natt used his foul-mouth. Now it's my turn to help you. And that's not just to return a favor - I think what that family's doing to you stinks. I know how it feels to have people sledging you." "Oh, by the way," Sammy continued. "My mum says to thank you for helping her move to the new house - she appreciates you taking the time to help."

Chapter 12

There was an eerie silence as the judge thoughtfully rearranged papers on the bench. After a little time he addressed the accused, who was standing next to his lawyer.

"Mr. Huntingdon, is it your intention to plead guilty to the charges before this court?"

In a quavering voice Natt responded, "Yes your honor - It is."

"And, are you prepared to describe your actions and those of your co-accused on the night in question?"

"Yes your honor - I am."

"Then proceed. I must impress upon you the need for complete disclosure. Any attempt to minimize or suppress facts will be taken into account when sentencing." In a very low voice Natt began -

"I have always hated Gays. I believe homosexuality to be against Gods laws and Nature itself. I've become disgusted with their parading themselves and trying to tell us that they're normal . . ."

As Natt, dressed in a new suit and looking like a cherub, started to explain the events leading up to the assault on Sammy that Sunday night, Brenda leaned over to Maria and said in a whisper,

"Why is Natt pleading guilty? Surely, it would be far better to plead Not Guilty, so that his side of the story can be told." Also in a whisper Maria answered with,-

"No - There is too much evidence against him. Not only do they have a witness to identify him, one of his so called 'mates' has turned State's Evidence. His lawyer says if he pleads guilty and makes a full disclosure, he will get a lighter sentence than if he pleaded Not Guilty and then found guilty. Ssshhh - I want to hear what Nat's saying."

Who was continuing with,

" . . . After the BBQ, I vowed to get even, and with me mates planned to attack the queer as a form of retribution. Also the fact that one of me own relatives was a poofter, was distressing me. I mean, me own family. I just had to do something. That's when me and me mates came up with a plan to punish the homo. We hadn't intended to hurt him - just serve a punishment for his sick perversion."

When Nat came to the end of his confession, there was complete silence in the court. The Magistrate studied his papers and shifted some of them whilst scanning others. Natt and his family waited with some apprehension. Finally, the magistrate spoke -

"I have before me several glowing character references and the police report. I've listened to your statement of disclosure. Whilst I have read the submissions, I am disturbed by the Police Report, which indicates an escalating violent trend. You have a very troubled history with the Police, Mr. Huntingdon and it seems that as you've grown older you have not become any wiser. I believe a term of confinement seems appropriate at this time. However, what I find disturbing is your use of offensive language in your confession. Not once did I hear you say 'sorry'. It seems you need time to learn to have respect for other people. I hereby sentence you to 15 years confinement with a non- parole period of 10 years.

We're through here."

At the sound of the gavel, Natt stood stunned. He couldn't believe it - 15 years. All at once the court room erupted. Cries of - "No Way". "It's not fair". "Bullshit" - "What a farce" - "Fuck em Natt" - "Good on yer buddy" \- drowned out the cries of Sammy's supporters. Natt still stunned, turned to his solicitor and cried -

"But you told me if I pleaded guilty I would get a lenient sentence. You bastard 15 years - You call that lenient?"

"And it would have been lenient if only you hadn't used insulting language in your confession, or even said sorry. Didn't you hear the Magistrate - he would've given you less of a sentence if you hadn't used those derogatory terms. Your own mouth sentenced you Natt."

Maria, her father and Gwen stood in a miserable huddle trying to comfort each other. Like Natt, they were stunned. A much more moderate sentence was expected. Brenda walked over to Maria who was sobbing uncontrollably. She put her arms around Maria and said -

"It's that vile cousin of yours who's to blame. Not only did he seduce my husband but now he's sent your brother for a long jail term. He may be your cousin, but Maria I curse him. He's a vile disgusting creature who has to be stopped before he can do any more damage. And I mean stopped."

After saying goodbye to her parents, Maria and Brenda decided to have a cup of coffee in Mornington. It was a beautiful day, cloudless and just enough sun to take the chill off the air.

After ordering, just coffee, Brenda continued with her brutal diatribe about Sammy's negative influence in their lives.

"It's not fair. That little degenerate comes into our lives and, as a result, I lose my husband and your brother sent to prison unjustly. I mean, Natt deserves a medal for giving the little bastard a hiding. I hope you're going to appeal. You'll probably find the judge himself is a queer." "Umm - Yes we'll certainly appeal. But if Natt opens his bloody mouth again, he may get longer. I'm not looking forward to telling Karl. He'll think Natt got off lightly. And my Auntie Elaine told my mother that she's disgusted with all of us. This has really split the family - It'll take a long time to heal."

"There you go - add another crime to the little queer's doings. I would dearly like to get my hands around his neck and --"

"Actually, I've more to worry about my own marriage. Karl is also disgusted with my folks. In his own quiet way, he's very angry with them. We're still going to the marriage counselor, though Karl is less than enthusiastic. Anyway - What's happening with you and Peter?"

On that subject, Brenda became thoughtful. She slowly stirred her coffee before taking a sip and answering.

"Well, I'm over the worst. I've hired a solicitor to get a divorce. Peter doesn't seem interested in contesting anything. He's so guilty. I only talk to him on the phone but, I - I only feel contempt. Naturally, he's leaving everything to me. I only let him take his clothes. I couldn't bring myself to touch them. According to Rick, he is not welcome at the pub. I guess Karl's told you about their reaction. The girls just think their Dad's gone on a long visit some ware. They'll survive. Actually, Rick's been a great help with the kids. He's very good with them. I feel if some burden has been lifted. Down deep, I probably knew something was wrong but kept denying it. Time will tell."

"Well, you know I'm there for you Brenda. I think that with all that's happened, we still have our friendship. That not going to be damaged."

"No - It won't. I value our friendship very much. Thanks Maria. But there's a part of me inside that's crying out for vengeance. I feel a need to strike back."

When the day came for Sammy to go home, he got himself dressed as soon as possible. Both his mother and Billee were coming to get him discharged. As Peter and Billee had transferred all his stuff to the new house in Seaford, there was very little for him to do. Early that morning Billee had called to tell him what had been done. Thanking her, Sammy then asked -

"How's Peter. Is he settled in with you Ok?"

"Yes," Billee responded. "It's taken some time but his divorce from Brenda is coming along fine. She's turned nasty. A couple of times at the pub he was close to tears. I've tried to put myself in her position and yes - if my man had come home and told me he was Gay, I'd be upset. No doubt about it. But any adult would soon realize that this is different than if you caught your partner having an illicit affair. This isn't about a betrayal of trust. More Peter's weakness, if you will. In her simple mind she's come to the conclusion that he was seduced by yourself and if you're removed from the scene everything will be Ok. She's one very stubborn and vindictive lady." "Yeah - I'm hearing that too. I told Karl I don't want to be some

kind of co-respondent in their marriage break up. I don't want that at all, Billee. How can I get that through to her - and Peter?"

"Look Sammy, there's nothing you can do. Its Brenda's problem. I've heard she's also upset that low-life Natt got such a hefty jail term. I really don't like the lady."

"Hey - I've got to go," Interrupted Sammy. "They've just brought my clothes in and I'm dying to get dressed. See you later."

"Aren't they beautiful?" The grand old trees that covered most of what is known locally as 'the Dandenongs' never ceased to amaze Peter. "How tall do you think they are?"

"Yes, they certainly are." answered Billee, always in awe of the mighty trees that covered the rolling foothills of the Great Dividing Range. "I believe they can go as high as Forty meters."

They were driving up to see Luke - Peter for the first time. He was curious to meet Billee's son and wondered if he was anything like his mother. Looking at her now she seemed so relaxed and carefree. You would never know she had her own problems.

"I have to say this Billee - You are a closed shop where your personal life is concerned. I reckon you cover up your own problems by focusing on helping others. Am I being too cruel?"

"Partly correct, partly cruel. I was born with a slice of Florry Nightingale in my genes."

"Well you've taught me and Sammy to open up and vent our troubles. And it works. Now, how about you listen to your own advice."

"Doesn't't the road look lovely?" And they both laughed.

Billee, her thoughts turning to her son, was anything but relaxed.

Bloody Hell - I'm getting all itchy about Peter meeting Luke. I'm being silly. Luke desperately needs a male role model which I haven't been able to give him. That arsehole Max. How I ever - ? Well that's all in the past. Luke's wellbeing is far more important than petty issues between his parents. But, of course, I don't want to place any more obligations on Peter's back. He's got enough to contend with right now.

Arriving at the boarding school, Peter courteously opened Billee's door, whilst taking a good look around the grounds.

Well kept and obviously expensively laid out. A pleasant, shady, peaceful place. No wonder Billee likes keeping Luke here. But it must be costing her a pretty penny in fees. And I must start thinking how I can afford school fees for the girls in a few years time. I want the best for them. Boarding School maybe?

Peter's first sight of Luke was a streak of tangled skinny arms and legs hurling themselves onto Billee. He looked an untidy mess, but a very happy, youthful untidy mess.

"Mama - mama - I miss you Mama. Come and see my new pictures and the little plants growing in my room. And my new roommate is cool, he plays guitar. Can I learn to play guitar mama? Can I? It's easy and I can sing too. And we won our footy match and I even kicked a goal and got a kick in the hip, but I do want to play footy. I really do mama. Please, please say I can - I'll be famous, just like Nick Riewold, but I bet I can kick better than him --"

"Hey, steady on," laughed Billee. "You're going too fast. Yes, we'll talk about all those things, but first I want you to meet my real good friend Peter. Peter, this is my son Luke. Or I should say this mess is my son Luke."

"Pleased to meet you, Luke," Peter said shaking Luke's hand. "Are you a Saints supporter?"

"Pleased to meet you, sir. Yes I love the Saints. Nick Riewold is my hero. Do you play footy?"

"Well - I used to Luke. But as I got older it was becoming hard to keep up any training schedule. You'd be amazed what you have to do with your time when you get contracted."

"Gosh - I've never known anyone who's played footy big time. Where did you play?"

"You mean what position? I played as a rover during the first two years and then got moved to defense. I really enjoyed being a defender. I can tell you Luke, it's a lot harder to be a defender these days than when I played. It's too easy to give away a free kick - and have a goal kicked against you."

"Yeah - Hey that's where I \--"

Breaking into Luke's enthusiasm, Billee pleaded -

"Come on you two. Enough talk of football now. Later, the two of you can prattle as much as you want. And Luke - try not to ask Peter too many questions."

As usual, Billee and Luke went to see Luke's Counselor, John Hobson, who was monitoring Luke's progress.

Billee invited Peter, but he declined, sensing that this was a personal matter, which should preclude him.

Anyway, I would like to stroll around and have a good look at a boarding school environment. Even though this one only catered for special kids, Boarding school would be the perfect solution for the girls. But there is something else - isn't there Peter? When talking to Luke about football, I experienced a wave of sorrow. I've always wanted a son - what father doesn't. Now, it's not gonna happen. But talking to Luke - well, it felt real good. Admit it dickhead - You felt a rush of paternalism. Would it be possible for me to have a father/son relationship with Luke? I really liked the guy. He's so trusting and vulnerable. I'll hold the thought just for now.

When Luke and Billee returned, Peter could see that they were both happy. Luke must be making good progress. Both of them were animated, and Billee was laughing. As prearranged, they set out a prepared lunch on the schools grounds, near a gentle pond.

Luke was infectious. Rather than annoying, Lukes prattle was endearing - the lad was so happy to see his mother and anxious to tell all his news that Peter wondered if Luke going to day school would be possible. That's Billee's call.

Admit it Pete my lad - You would love to watch Luke grow up and be there to counsel him as he navigated the years of adolescence. Those years - a boy needs his father. But what about Max. How does he fit into the plot? I must be careful. I'll find some way to broach the subject with Billee. Perhaps -

Luke - all eagerness, interrupted Peter's musings. "Uncle Peter - did you kick many goals or get hurt?"

"First off - please call me Peter. I want to be your friend. And as to goals, I kicked 37.12 in my short career. And yeah - got hurt a couple of times but never very bad. It's all about training and condition. If you're in good nick you won't get hurt. That's why so much emphasis is on specialized training now. Tell me Luke - when was the last time you went to a footy game?"

"'Haint ever", said with youthful sadness. "My dad never took me to any footy games."

This shocked Peter. It was unimaginable that any father would not take his son to see a footy game, particularly when the lad was so keen. A thought occurred.

"How would you like me to take you to see the Saints play their next home game? But better still, I can get us into a private box at the MCG to watch any other team play. Are you interested?"

The look on Lukes face was heart wrenching. Tears of gratitude were starting to tumble out. But he was manfully trying to hide them. All he could say was -

"Uncle Pete - Umm Peter. That would make me so happy. I'm sorry - I can't tell you how happy that would make me. Not only just going to see a game - but the MCG. Unbelievable. You can actually do that - honest?"

"I can do that - honest." responded Peter. "All we have to do is ask your mum if its o.k."

Trying to suppress tears herself, Billee just mumbled - "It's OK

with me."

From then, till they had to leave, Luke was irrepressible. Peter felt a warm glow as he basked in Luke's happiness. So when it was time to leave, Luke hurled himself at Peter with a huge silent hug. Actually, both Peter and Luke would have found it difficult to say anything. Gut wrenching.

The drive back to Melbourne was definitely upbeat. They drove down to Mornington in relaxed silence until Billee said softly -

"Peter that was a beautiful thing you did today. I'd say Luke will have trouble sleeping tonight. And his classmates - well; I guess someone will tell him to 'shut-it'. But seriously, Luke is starved of a male role model. I could tell he really warmed to you. Are you sure you're not putting yourself out by taking him to the footy. And particularly The MCG?"

"Nah - Of course not. I know people in our local Real Estate office who have often invited me into their corporate box. But neither the girls nor Brenda are interested in the footy so I just keep declining. Believe me, I'm really looking forward to going. I really like Luke. I felt that there were qualities in the lad that need a larger horizon to blossom. But Billee, I have to ask you this. Do you feel . . . ? No \- I don't mean that. Let me try and put it another way. Is it a problem that I'm gay and Luke is a young Lad?"

"Oh Christ Peter, don't be daft. Let me put it another way. If Luke was a young girl and you were straight, I think I'd be more worried. Just because you're Gay doesn't mean that you're a pervert. As far as people are involved, I would trust you with Luke's life. Subject closed."

"Right - thanks for that. You know young lady - I feel fucking great."

Chapter 13

Deliciously relaxed and half asleep, Sammy lay on a couch in the family room. He was vaguely aware of his mother preparing the evening meal. The new house was huge compared to other homes he had lived in. Four bedrooms no less. But he missed Billee's friendly relaxed furnishings. Even so, it was good for his mother and him. Just for a short while. He was in a reflective mood.

"Uummm. Mums making a lamb shank casserole - things are almost back to normal. If only my father was here. Sadly, I don't think we'll ever bridge the gap. But I've made some good friends over here. Billee in particular. She's one in a million. A friend I will cherish forever. But I wonder how Luke is going. With all that has been happening to me, poor little Luke's been overlooked. I must ask Billee next time we talk.

And there's Karl. Being so good looking has not shielded him from misery. Maria's an idiot. If she doesn't watch out, some other female will get her claws into Karl. I feel he's reaching a breaking point. Maybe I should warn Maria. No. If she s so stupid and ruled by her family, nobody can help her. What about Peter. I really like Pete and sex with him is great. But how deep, I wonder, do our feelings for each other go. I don't know. Perhaps, we should -

At this point his mobile ringing interrupted his musings. He answered with -

"Sammy here."

A female voice answered with - "Umm, this is Brenda, Peter's wife. We met at Karl's birthday party - do you remember?"

"Yes - Of course." All of a sudden, Sammy was wide awake and wary. "Look Brenda, I'm really sorry -"

Brenda interrupted him with -

"I'm not interested in your pathetic apologies. All I want is my husband back. Not only for me but for his children. Here - somebody wants to talk with you."

There was a moment's delay and then a small voice came on the phone with -

"I'm Narrelle. Could you please send my daddy back to us, we miss him very much. Please mister, we love him and don't want him to go away."

Sammy felt hot tears rising in his throat and before he could even think of something to say, Brenda was back on the phone with -

"You see - you're not only breaking up a marriage but you're also breaking up a family. Can't you find someone else to go practice your vile habits with? I know there are many degenerates like you out living your sordid lives. Why can't you pick on one of them and leave my Peter alone."

Warming to near hysteria, she almost shouted -

"Not only are you content with ruining our family, but you've also sent a good man to jail for a long time. Now your cousin's marriage is under strain because of the injustice metered out over a little fight. What a big sissy you are - You can't even fight like a man."

"You're so wrong Brenda," Sammy was starting to shake with anger. "I feel really sorry for you - Or I did. What you're saying is just bullshit. Why don't you talk with Peter and . . . ?"

Again she interrupted, her voice raising several octaves -

"What's the point of talking with Peter - he's been seduced. You've got some ungodly power over him. He can't help himself. That's why I'm making this call, in the hope that you'll let Peter go. So we can go back to our life before he met you. You're EVIL. Really EVIL. Get away from us - go and perform your disgusting practices elsewhere

Now Sammy really let fly -

"You poor pathetic creature. Using your own children to fight your cause is - is - just disgusting. Don't ever call me again, or I'll have you charged with harassment."

And hung up. Elaine had overheard the last part of the conversation and came quickly over to Sammy, who was extremely distressed. Elaine put her arms around him until he settled down, and he then told her the full extent of the conversation.

But Sammy was in a state of shock - he could still hear the voice of little Narrelle wanting her Daddy back. To use a child like that was unforgivable. And Elaine thought so to -

"That woman needs a real good spanking. I've a mind to report her to the police. Using a child to fight her battle is despicable. Now you've got to settle down and put it behind you. I take it you're going to tell Peter?"

"This is bullshit. Bullshit. Bullshit. I don't want any part of this. It's just what I was afraid of - getting drawn into Peters bloody domestic problems. Mum, that little girl. Christ how low can that woman go. You bet I'm gonna tell Peter. I know it's not his fault but it's his responsibility. I don't want any part of it."

It was against his better judgment that Karl strolled into the Grand hotel after work. All he really wanted was a quiet beer and to think about his problems, in peace. All the old gang were there huddled in a group and monopolizing the bar area, as they usually did. It was obvious that Rick was holding sway and by a couple of nervous glances, Karl knew he was the subject.

"She's got a cousin who's a dirty little homo and a husband who shoots blanks. If you pardon the pun - Ha, Ha. "There are no germs in this Ger \--"

Before he could continue, Karl said softly - "Oh - Rick -"

And as Rick turned to face him - Nobody can remember seeing something happen so fast -

Karl punched Rick squarely in the guts. You could hear the 'oooff' as air got expelled - and while Rick was doubled over in pain and shock- Karl slammed an evil upper-cut into Ricks chin. The sheer force sent Rick crashing onto his back. Chairs and tables were overturned as Rick fell on them. There was a complete shocked silence in the whole bar, as people tried to overcome their total disbelief.

Karl stood nursing his damaged hand. Looking down on Rick, who was obviously very dazed and in pain from both punches, Karl simply said,

"Arsehole - Yeah, and that goes for the rest of you."And walked out of the bar.

Getting into his car Karl muttered -

"Christ that felt good. Oh shit that felt real good. Even though I've damaged my hand, it still felt good. Now I'm gonna take charge of my life and bugga everyone else - including Maria and her whole bloody family."

When Elaine answered the door, Peter new that something had happened. Her greeting was a bit subdued. She discreetly disappeared when Peter sat down beside Sammy, after giving him a gentle kiss.

"Well, how's our patient today. You look troubled. I can always tell, because those beautiful brown eyes get a bit cloudy. Is everything Ok?"

"No Pete - it's not." And then related the conversation with Brenda, leaving nothing out. Peter was shaken to the core. A sour feeling of dread replaced his breezy mood.

"Oh my God," he whispered. "She used little Narrelle to emotionally blackmail you? Oh Sammy I'm real, real sorry. You shouldn't have to be involved like this. She's a very bitter woman. Distraught. And now she's turning on you. I don't know what to say, except again - I'm real, real sorry."

Sammy could see that Peter was very upset. In fact, he looked dazed. Sammy was a little concerned about his emotional state. Even a strong male like Peter has a breaking point.

"Pete, my love - I don't know what to do. One thing's for sure, I can't become personally involved in your marriage problems. I just can't. I won't. You'll have to make that quite clear to Brenda. It's obvious now; she's going to use our relationship to ease her own misery."

"You know, I went over all the possible bad things that could happen, but I never once thought that she would drag you and the kids into it. How am I going to get through to her? She can get stubborn when she gets vicious."

"Well, try and look at it from her viewpoint. She had a happy stable marriage until you met me. I mean, it was me that upset the apple cart. It could have been anybody. Somehow, you've got to get that through to her - and I don't know how you're going to do it."

"Hey, I know how I'm going to do it. I'll just bloody tell her. That's what I'll do. If she wants to get nasty, that's Ok by me. But I will never, ever bring either you or my kids into it. You're innocents - It's just between Brenda and me. It's about time I start acting like the arsehole everyone says I am."

But to himself Peter was thinking

Shit what a mess. If I don't remove Sammy from my problems with Brenda, I could lose him. But how can I do that without destroying our relationship? Perhaps we should not see each other for a while. I'll have a word with Billee - see what she thinks.

Billee became very thoughtful when Peter talked to her later that evening. She knew about Brenda's phone call - Elaine had given her all the details earlier on.

"You know," she responded to Peters question whilst they were sitting in their favorite booth at the pub. "My first reaction was to ring your wife and give her a tongue lashing. But on calmer reflection, she probably has every right to connect Sammy with her marriage bust-up. After all, that's exactly what happened, isn't it? Oh I know it would have been anybody in due course, but it just happened to be Sammy. Of course what she did using your daughter was unforgiveable. It tells of a very confused and desperate woman."

"That's putting it mildly," Peter interrupted, "and that's what I want to avoid - Her blaming Sammy and then using my kids as some kind of emotional fodder. I have to solve both problems without putting more heat into the whole situation."

"Yeah - spot on." Billee agreed. "It's tough, but unless you take Sammy and the kids out of the equation, it's gonna turn nasty. I thought you said it was going well - something must've happened to set her off like this."

"Yeah - I get that feeling too. I wonder if Rick's been bending her ear. Brenda can be easily influenced - particularly if she's in an emotional state."

"Well, you asked for my opinion. You're not going to like this Pete, but I feel you should not see Sammy while the separation is proceeding. Now I know that's tough, but it will take the steam out of the circumstances. I don't think Sammy is very comfortable being roped into your domestic problems."

"Yeah, you're right." Peter sighed regretfully. "It does make sense. And with Sammy out of the way, perhaps she'll stop using the kids."

"Look at it this way," Billee continued. "If Sammy was a woman, Brenda would feel a sense of betrayal - but with the other woman being a 'man' it's just fuelling her hostility. No - You have to talk to Sammy and get some separation for the time being. I'm positive Sammy will recognize that as a wise move."

Peter felt a sense of relief. "Thanks mate, you've been really helpful. With Sammy neutralized as an issue I'm sure she won't involve the kids again. Hopefully."

Of course Maria heard about Karl slogging Rick. It went through the locals like a dose of salts. It seems the only person who was upset was Brenda, who aggressively sympathized by referring to "Poor Rickie". When Maria questioned Karl about it he simply shrugged, but offered no explanation. Since then, he had been in a strange insular mood.

They were seeing the marriage counselor again - at Maria's insistence. Every time he was ushered in, Karl was annoyed at the room's decor. It was so bloody obvious -

Somebody should tell the witch that the decor, soft blue walls covered with bright pastel prints, was overdone. It was obvious that the intent was to put people at ease and forestall any feelings of aggression. Better to be honest and paint it grey with torture instruments dangling from the walls. And isn't it strange that Maria always sat in the left chair, forcing Karl into the other one which, for some reason, was closer to the head torturer.

As usual the counselor began by asking how things were going and had there been any change from the last visit. Maria immediately started with -

"Well, my brother has just been sentenced to a lengthy jail term for the assault on my cousin Sammy. The family's very upset. Granted he's been troublesome at times but we don't believe the long sentence - it was 15 years - was justified."

"Not justified - Not justified", snapped Karl. "I can't believe you and your family still think it was unjustified. The attack was so vicious that he was charged with Attempted Murder. It was a premeditated, cowardly attack. Three of them assaulting Sammy - your own cousin. Not justified - he spent three days in intensive care. In short, he's lucky to be alive and your vicious brother is lucky he didn't get life. I wish he had."

"And, I might add," Karl continued before Maria could interject. "You and your family still believe that I had something to do with 'dobbing' him into the police. I wish I had."

"How so?" asked the counselor, turning to Maria. "How could Karl be held responsible for your brother's incarceration?"

"Yes Maria," Karl said with exasperation. "Why don't you tell us both why you think I'm responsible."

"Well, the police said they were able to close the case quickly because someone had anonymously turned Natt in. The only person who had any motive was Karl. So that's why we thought it was Karl."

"That seems like a very big jump to a conclusion. I take it your brother has been in trouble before?"

Maria, looking distinctly uncomfortable answered. "Um - He did have a record with the police. Yes."

Karl, obviously disgusted, turned to the counselor and said, in an angry voice,

"All I hear is how Marias family commiserates about each other. Poor Maria married to a man who can't give her children and poor Natt, in jail, for nearly killing their own relative. Not once, not at any time, do you hear any concern for my feelings or for Sammy's wellbeing. Not once, to you hear the word sorry. The whole family sickens me. I'm not going to put up with it anymore."

Sensing trouble, the counselor said quickly, "Ok, I'm sure things aren't that bad Karl. Yes - I believe you've a right to feel angry. That's what we're here for, to vent our negative emotions."

But Maria had picked up on Karl's last statement and demanded - "What do you mean; you're not going to put up with it anymore?" In an affirmative voice Karl answered Maria -

"The prospect of spending the rest of my life being sneered at by you and your whole family, to me, is intolerable. You see Maria; the issue should only be between you and me. But it's not - is it? Your family rules you and they take every snide opportunity to let me know what a shit I am. Your mother - calling her a bitch is an insult to all female dogs - took great pleasure in telling me about your "breakdown", your mother's words, in the shop recently. She wasn't concerned that she hurt me, just - poor Maria."

With passion, fuelling his anger Karl raised his voice -

"And I'm bloody FURIOUS that they point the finger at me over your brother. But what makes me really PISSED OFF is you. Not once have you stood up for ME. I"M YOUR HUSBAND FOR CHRISTS SAKE. Until proven otherwise, I'm entitled to your support. But I know now, I'll never get it. Your weak, Maria. Your family rules you. But they're NOT going to rule me. I want us to separate - for six months. Give us time to think about the issues, and the rest of our lives."

His anger somewhat mollified Karl sat back in the chair whilst a stunned Maria simply looked at him in disbelief. It took a little while to register with Maria, that Karl was leaving her. She started to cry.

"Oh please Karl, don't do this. I'll stand up to my parents - I promise I will. You're overreacting. Please Karl - we can work through this together - not apart. I know my mother can be a handful but - I'll tell her to butt out."

In an assertive but kindly tone, Karl said -

Maria, it's only for six months. We both need time to ourselves to think about our problems dispassionately. I'm still coming to terms with my medical situation. It's been a big blow - I'm feeling bad. But I can't come to terms with you and your family sneering at me - behind my back. No, I believe a separation is all for the best."

Interesting, thought the counselor. He hasn't asked for any reaction to his decision. He's made his mind up. All in all, I agree with him. It's probably the best outcome, at this time. There are deep issues between these two that can only be resolved by each person - In isolation.

But, of course those thoughts could not be expressed aloud. "Well," she offered. "If Karl has made his mind up I can't undo his decision. It's up to you Karl, with Maria, to work out the details. I'm always here if you need to get counseling. Perhaps we can get back together in six months time."

There was a strained silence in the car as they drove back home. Maria turned a tear-stained face towards Karl and stared at him before eventually saying -

"You've made up your mind. How come you didn't mention this to me before? You made me feel stupid in the counselor's room. You should have warned me that you were going to humiliate me. My mother's going to be upset."

"Bullshit. Your mothers going to be elated. It's what she's been working towards ever since I got the news about my sperm count. But there you go again. You're more concerned about yourself and your mother. Whereas you should be concerned for US - and NOBODY else."

Becoming resigned, Maria asked in a somewhat wheedling tone - "When is this going to happen? Where will you go? Are you going to move completely out?"

"Questions - questions - questions. I think it's interesting that you just assumed I'm the one moving out. Why not you? But before you go get all soggy on me, I'll probably spend time at Elaine's until I can get my own digs. I'm sure Sammy would like some company from at least one of his relatives. I think Billee and Peter care more about Sammy than all of his Melbourne 'Rellies'."

Thinking she had gained a moral advantage, Maria challenged - "So you've had this all planned out even down to where you'll be staying. You've been thinking about this for some time now. And you just raised it this morning. Bullshit."

"No Maria," Karl sighed. "I haven't even asked Elaine if I can stay with her. And I only became resolved this morning with the counselor lady. Don't go getting frothy with me. Let's be adults. And just keep in mind - This wouldn't have come about but for your family."

Chapter 14

Even though he sounded confident talking to Maria, Karl wasn't confident that Elaine would let him stay. Sammy might object too. After all, Karl wasn't blood kin, whereas Maria was. And blood is thicker than water. In fact, he felt very apprehensive as he knocked on their front door, and then was invited in.

Settling into a lounge chair he tentatively started explaining the reason why he'd come -

"Um - I've got a big favor to ask. I wonder if you can put me up for a few days, maybe longer. I've decided to separate from Maria until we can sort our problems out. I need a place to stay while I get organized. Would it be possible? - Oh, of course I'll pay my share of the rent."

"Oh dear, I'm so sorry that it's come to this," said Elaine with compassion. "You're such a lovely couple. But not that I can blame you Karl. I'm afraid I don't have a very high opinion of my Melbourne relatives", and she paused for emphasis. "All of them. But, of course you can stay here. I'm only pleased to be able to help."

"Thanks Elaine." Karl was genuinely pleased. "I promise I won't be any trouble and, of course, with you guys, help is my middle name but what about you Sammy? Would it be a problem?"

"Nah - Of course not. Let's just say it's a done deal." But Sammy was thinking -

Why do I suddenly have this strange tingling and feeling of anxiety? It's almost fear. I don't understand. And my heartbeat. I can almost hear my heart thumping. Why?

But continued out loud with -

"Umm, Mum's just had a call from my father. Mum, you'd better tell Karl your news. It may alter things a bit."

"Oh yes, I forgot," said Elaine. "I've just heard, my husband needs me back in Perth. He has to go into hospital for a hernia operation. He's deteriorated all of a sudden. Is this going to be a problem, Karl? it's possible that you could stay on, just you and Sammy, it would be a great relief for me - it really would."

"No, of course not. Actually that works for me. I told Maria that we'd split for six months. Who knows after that - ?"

"Hey - this is great." exclaimed Sammy enthusiastically. But then added. "Oh - I'm sorry Karl. I didn't mean to enthuse over your problems. When do you want to move in?"

Sheepishly, Karl answered - "I'vet got most of my stuff in the car. If I couldn't stay here I would have gone to a motel, so, you see, I came prepared - Is now Ok?"

"Hey, look at that." Karl enthused. "I never get tired of that sight - It's just beautiful"

Coming from Melbourne airport, they were driving across the Bolte Bridge with Port Philip Bay spread out before them and Melbourne proper raising itself from the Yarra flats.

"Yeah, it is isn't it?" Sammy said wistfully. "I wish Mum had spent more time sightseeing. Melbourne's got a lot more to offer than dreary old Perth."

"Oh come on Sammy, Perth's not so bad. I'm sure there's a lot of great places and sights to see."

"Karl - have you ever been to Perth?" Sammy asked with a smile. "No, but I'm sure . . . "

"Well - Belt up."And they both laughed. It felt real good.

It was a beautiful day - A great day for flying as he told to his mother. Whilst not wanting to leave, she was keen to get back to be with his father. As they drove on towards Frankston, Sammy relaxed and let his thoughts wander.

"Uummm - when we get back home it'll just be the two of us. I wonder how it's gonna pan out. Karl and I have become really close, especially since he moved in. He doesn't seem at all troubled by the split with Maria. He's a strange one - you never know what's going on inside of Karl. He's the original quiet man.

The trouble is - I really do like him. When I'm in his company I feel relaxed and happy. It's no wonder that women and men are attracted to him - he has a very infectious personality. Look at him now driving happily along as if he doesn't have a care in the world. And the way he fills out those jeans -

Karl broke into his thoughts with -

"Want to go for a drink before we go home?" Seeing Sammy nod yes, Karl continued -

"Somewhere close to home. I don't want a long drive after I've been boozing. If I got breathalysed and suspended I'd really be in the shit."

"Well. You're right. How 'bout we buy some booze and go straight home. Remember, Mums not here and we'll have to get our own meals now."

"True," Karl responded. "We should plan how we're going to sort out the domestic duties. With your mother there, we were spoilt."

"Ok, but Karl - I insist on doing the cooking. I've tasted your pathetic attempts to cook and - I'm doing the cooking. Agreed?"

"Done." laughed Karl.

They were sitting outside on the porch boozing before lighting the Bbq. Karl had changed into board shorts and singlet. After a long silence Sammy said -

"Karl, you never really talk about yourself. I've just realized that I don't know a lot of how you grew up. Is it a personal thing?"

"Nah - Not really. I suppose I tend to be a very private person. My background is not very exciting. You know, a son of German immigrants. Unfortunately, I didn't adopt all the old country traditions. I fell in love with the Aussie lifestyle. I'm not a very good German - as my father keeps telling me. Before I met Maria, I was wild. Experimented sexually, even with a guy at one stage. But Maria seemed solid and safe, so we went together for three years before we finally wed."

After a long swig at his beer Karl continued -

"I wasn't a good student but loved working with my hands. So I looked around for a trade and somehow, don't ask me how, I ended up as a roof tiller. I've run my own company now - did you know that?"

"Well no - But I assumed you would. How do you reconcile going from a wild lad to settled married life? You never strayed from being completely faithful?"

"No - I haven't. I suppose that seems a bit strange to you. I know that I'm attractive to women as well as guys but physical attraction can be a problem. I want to be loved for myself not just to gratify someone else's fantasies. I'm not just a piece of meat. The person I settle down with will have to want me for myself - warts and all. Maria will never understand that."

"Well, I really wish I could satisfy your needs. I feel good with you. All I can offer you is friendship."

Karl suddenly leaned towards Sammy and looking intently into his eyes said -

"Sammy, why do you say that? You . . ." And at that moment Karl's mobile rang and spoiled the moment. It was Maria, and Karl straightway went into a hostile mode.

The next day, Karl took Sammy to his current job and introduced Sammy to the work gang, as his cousin.

Regrettably, a golden moment had been lost. Sammy kept wondering what Karl was going to say when Maria called. Some of Karl's remarks were distinctly unsettling. For several days now, they went about establishing a domestic rhythm and the chance to touch on personal issues never arose. Sammy was angry with himself.

You stupid little shit. The very thing you promised wouldn't happen - HAS. You've fallen in love with Karl. And just because he admitted to a homosexual experience doesn't mean he's Gay. Oh, you want him to be Gay - don't you? You're an idiot. Lots of straight guys have same sex encounters as they grow up. It's all part of the experimentation process. Get your act together Samuel or you're gonna end up being miserable. Peter is Gay and Karl is straight. Get that through your stupid head - idiot. Take a deep breath -

Sitting together in the gloaming, Karl and Sammy were enjoying their usual evening booze-up. It just seemed more pleasant to drink at home than at some pub. And of course, they didn't have to worry about the booze-bus. Offhandedly Karl asked -

"Have you heard from Peter? Do you know what he's doing?"

"Oh - I hear from Billee every day. By the way, she sends "hellos" to you. I've kept her up to date with events. But, as to Peter, we both agreed that it wouldn't be a good idea to socialize whilst he goes through his split with Brenda."

"Do you miss him?" asked Karl casually.

For a while Sammy didn't respond. It was a fair question - one he was mulling over in his mind.

"Nah - Not really. I hope that doesn't sound callous. I mean Peter and I could only have been together on a casual basis. He has too much to sort out in his life without trying to have another relationship. It's strange, but Brenda's nasty phone call actually helped me see the reality of Peter and myself. It didn't help her in any way, but made me realize my true relationship with Peter could only be casual. After Peter left that day, I felt sure he understood we had to 'cool' it. I guess we'll always be close friends. Anyway, I'm really happy here Karl. Peter wouldn't fit in."

Feeling a little guilty Karl said reflectively "I really should call him. He's probably waiting for me to call. I can understand that. And we've been good mates for a long time. I won't forget how he put himself out over my surprise party."

That made Sammy a bit cranky and he responded, "Well why don't you. It's been nearly three weeks now. He must be feeling low and shitty. Don't wait too long Karl. Good friends are hard to get. And, as you say, he's been very supportive to you."

"Ok - Point taken. I'll call him tomorrow. In the morning." "Bullshit," exclaimed Sammy. "Call him now. You can always reach him on his mobile. Do it now while I go inside and get dinner ready."

Chapter 15

"Well, what's so important we have to meet at your place before 4:30? I have to get the kids dinner ready and all the other chores that become necessary with two young'uns. What's up girl, you look terrible? What's Karl done now?"

Maria approached Brenda at morning tea to meet her at her home after work. Brenda picked up the kids from school, and they were now sitting in Marias lounge watching 'Dora'.

For a little while Maria just looked into her coffee and didn't answer. Sensing that something wasn't right, Brenda just waited for Maria to compose herself. She looked distraught.

Eventually,

"Oh Brenda - It's not what Karl's done. It's me - It's what I've done."

"For god's sake Maria, stop going in circles - Spit it out. Just say what's on your mind."

Taking a deep breath Maria looked straight at Brenda and said - "My periods are late."

"Well, so what. Is that all. Mine aren't terribly regular - I've got two kids as a result. So what, I don't see what the fuss . . . "

Brenda stopped in mid sentence and in a hushed voice said, "Maria - Is there any reason why you're periods might not be on time?"

"Yes." Said Maria in a voice just short of tears. "I had sex with Ron the barman at Karl's party - after Karl left."

The full enormity of what Maria was saying suddenly hit Brenda. She just stared stupidly at Maria. Incredible. Shocked, she said "Shit." And then,

"Geeze - you'd better tell me everything. No wonder you look so crook. You're saying you might be pregnant to Ronald 'what's-his- name'. How can you be sure? Have you done a pregnancy test? How did it happen?"

"Well, after Sammy took Karl home I felt real miserable. The bastard didn't thank me for all the work I put in to his bloody party. I began to knock a few down and - well, I felt like a fuck. But see, neither Ron nor I took precautions. I didn't even think about it. For the last six months Karl and I never had any protection - we just wanted to conceive. It just slipped my mind, and well, the booze didn't help. I took a home pregnancy test this morning. It turned positive." Then she broke down sobbing "Oh Brenda, what am I gonna do?"

There was a long silence only broken by Marias quiet sobbing. This was a very big problem. Brenda started thinking of all the ramifications, any one of which was extreme.

"You know you've got to tell Karl. Oh - is that why we had to meet before 4:30. I take it Karl's coming here at that time? My god Maria - that's only an hour away."

"Yeah," Maria answered sadly. "I just wanted you to know first. It's going to be the end of Karl and me."

"Well", sighed Brenda. "I wouldn't be too hasty, but - yes; I don't think Karl's going to be very pleased. Have you told Gwen? For that matter, who else knows?"

"No one - you're the first. I'll tell mum later. But I knew something as bad as this can't be kept secret. It wouldn't be fair to Karl to learn on the 'grape-vine'. I have to face the music, as awful as it's gonna get."

"Oh Maria, Maria. You poor girl. I just can't begin to imagine how you must be feeling." With a sigh Brenda lapsed into silence with a "What a mess".

"Yep, I've certainly screwed up my life - and Karl's. What's he gonna do Brenda when I tell him it's Ron the barman? Uummm, his name is Holland - I think."

"You know what - You need a stiff drink. Have you got any scotch in the house? You'll need a blast to face Karl. I'm getting goosies just thinking about his reaction."

"I've got Brandy - and your right. I need some 'dutch' courage. Been thinking about the best way to tell him."

"Best way? Just say it. There's no velvet glove or pretty words for this type of bad news. Just say it and then tune into Karl's reaction. But remember sweetie, you're only human. We all make mistakes in our lives." And then Brenda changed the conversation to,

"Tell me about Ron. Ron Holland, if that's his name. When are you gonna tell him? You don't know how Karl's going to react. Remember how he 'ironed' Rick out for just mouthing off."

Fixing herself a very large brandy, Maria responded with "Rang him as soon as I had the 'preggo' test result. He's terrified of Karl, but told me he'll support me all the way. He's taking a few days off till the furor dies down."

"A wise move. Karl has got to be allowed the full gambit of his emotions. He's going to want to lash out initially. He'll cool down in time." I don't believe that for one second, she thought. Then looking at the time Brenda continued - "Bloody hell, look at the time. Its 4:15. Karl will be here soon. I'd better get the girls and vamoose. I shouldn't be here when Karl arrives."

"Yeah - That's right. But Brenda thanks for coming round. I feel more composed now - and the brandy helps."

"And talking helps too. I mean this seriously, I want you to call me at 7:00 tonight. I need to know you're all right." As Brenda organized the girls to go home she thought -

Oh, Maria, Maria - I sincerely hope your fuck with Ron was worth the trouble.

What was once a home was now, just a house. A silent house. An empty house, save for the two people who sat across from each other in the kitchen. Just sitting there. You could almost feel the misery that pervaded all around.

Karl had not moved nor uttered a sound since Maria told him she was pregnant. He just sat there like a statue, a cold, rigid and mute statue. Maria was awfully glad she had fortified herself for the encounter. His silence was completely unnerving, so she made the first move to open a dialogue.

"Please say something Karl. Shout if you want to. I'm just really, really sorry." Ultimately, Karl moved his shoulders that seemed set in stone and in a small, hushed voice offered -

"Say something Maria? You want me to say something. What would you like me to say? That I'm angry. Or hurt. Then, I could offer my congratulations - to you and your boyfriend. That I'm devastated, or I want to kill you both. Or I could say 'good riddance'. How about 'Get Fucked'. Or maybe I just hate you. I'm not even interested in how this happened. I'm sure you've thought of many valid excuses."

Here Karl paused, trying to gather some strength to shake off the feeling of devastation sitting painfully in his gut. Then continued in a stronger voice,

"Das Isht! The reality is that there's nothing to say, except goodbye Karl and hello Ron"

And with that Karl got up from the table and looking down on Maria said, in a stony, hard voice -

"Hundin, Hure. Zur holle fahren \- Goodbye Maria." And left.

When the phone rang about 9:30 that night the caller announced himself as the night security guard at the Dava hotel in Mount Martha. It seems that Karl was drunk - very drunk and certainly could not drive home. Unfortunately, Sammy had had a few beers himself and didn't want to risk driving. They settled on sending Karl home by cab, after Sammy assured the guard that he had enough to pay for the cab.

"You might want to have a little extra, just in case," said the Guard. "He spewed all over our female toilet floor and we had to clean up. Also he keeps mumbling in some foreign language - we think it's German. He's all yours. Enjoy."

What on earth has happened? This was not like Karl. The only time I've ever seen him legless was at his surprise party. Obviously, something happened with Maria. But what? If he sobers up tonight, I'll force him to tell. He needs to talk - not drink.

Pulling into their driveway Karl woke up when the cab stopped. As Sammy paid off a very relieved cab driver, Karl managed, "Wo bin ich, sind wir nach Haus?" He slurred. "Ich brauche ein pissen schnell, schnell."

Sammy recognized the words 'pissen' and 'schnell' and helped Karl straight away into the toilet, leaving him there while he went to make coffee. From the bathroom came sounds of urination as well as a very impressive throw up.

Eventually, Karl came and sat morosely down at the kitchen table. Avidly, he gulped coffee down.

He looks terrible, thought Sammy. Like a fighter who has just been hammered to the floor with a savage punch.

Sammy opted to let Karl start talking in his own time. To Sammy, Karl seemed to be on the verge of tears. Karl in tears was not something Sammy had seen before nor had he ever see Karl so emotionally distressed. Just to kick-start a dialogue Sammy offered,

"You've been lapsing into German, even at the Dava. No one could understand you."

After another short pause, Karl ignored this to say - "Maria's pregnant."

"Pregnant? What do you mean, Marias pregnant? How can she be pregnant? I thought . . . Well, do I offer congratulations? No, I don't understand. . ."

"It's Ron's \- She fucked Ron at my birthday party".

Sammy was stunned. Shocked more like. Maria and Ron the barman. In a soft voice he managed,

"Oh my god Karl - Oh Shit. Oh that's terrible. Oh you poor bastard. That's just awful. She just up and told you tonight? Oh fuck - that's bad, bad, bad. Oh you poor bastard. Karl, I don't know what to say except I feel ill - How you must feel I couldn't begin to imagine. Talk to me Karl, please. Let me share you're grief. Oh the bloody Bitch."

That was enough for Karl, his shoulders started to shake and then he broke down into deep racking sobs. It was terrible to witness. He howled like an animal in pain. Deep personal pain. Sammy had never seen such anguish in another person. To make it worse, he also felt the pain, the betrayal that his own cousin had caused. But he held back his own tears. Karl needed strength now and Sammy venting his own emotions would not help.

Sammy just let Karl cry himself out. But when he eventually stopped he looked desolate. He appeared to be sober - the emotional outburst somehow had negated the alcohol. In a voice of utter despair Karl said,

"I feel real bad Sammy. I've never felt so bad before. I'm worthless. A worthless piece of shit. Not only that I can't father children, but my own wife is screwing others behind my back. This is a very bad feeling. I'm in a black, desperate place. I wonder if it's worth carrying on".

"Hey - None of that talk. You've got me Karl - for what it's worth. I'm here and I'm gonna stay here. I know I can't replace Maria but you mean a lot to me. Let's start by you telling me what happened. Leave nothing out. We've got to talk our way out of this. But I'm not gonna bullshit you - This is bad."

"Hey Sammy I want you to know that you're special to me. Very, very special. And just to know you're in my corner means heaps. You are a beautiful young man. In fact,

Then Karl simply started to tell Sammy in detail about the events of the afternoon.

When Karl finished, Sammy stayed silent as he digested what Karl had said. Then,

"Oh fuck," he sighed. "What a bitch. What's wrong with that whole family? There's something missing in their makeup. I'm ashamed of them. And I reckon that bitch of an aunt of mine will simply be ecstatic that she's gonna be a grandmother. What a cunt. Shit, Shit, Shit. Not once will she admonish Maria for causing you this pain. It's all about Them, Them, and Them."

But putting his own emotions aside, he continued,

"Let's talk about what we're gonna do. Are you Ok to go to work tomorrow? If not, I'll call the boys early. Or, if you trust me, I can supervise for a day. No sweat. It's up to you. How do you feel?"

"Nah. I'll go in. It's not about you - You can supervise much better than me. In fact, work will probably be good for me. But I've got a big favor to ask. Would you stay with me tonight?. I don't want to be alone. Please Sammy, I just can't be alone to-night."

Bloody hell, thought Sammy A small part of me says 'don't' but the larger and more persuasive part says 'Yes'.

"Sure I will - If that's what you want. Actually, I'd feel better just knowing you're OK. You're in a very bad place".

And so they did. Karl snuggled into Sammy like a little boy desperately seeking security from his parents - and was asleep in a flash. But Sammy \--?

Chapter 16

As outings go, today was a great success. After Luke was delivered to his mothers place, Peter then drove him to the MCG. To Luke it was all new and exciting. All the way in, he prattled on about nothing in particular, but everything in general. It felt good to see a young lad so happy. He was like a sponge - soaking up all these new experiences and sights. True to Peters promise, they were admitted to a private box at the MCG and watched the game in comfort- surrounded by all the pleasures of a private box - great food, drinks and excellent seats.

It was the atmosphere of the MCG that impacted upon Luke foremost. The stadium was packed. Carton was playing Essendon and over 80,000 people had packed into this magnificent arena. The roar of the crowd, the riot of colors and the thrilling action of the players all combined to give Luke a new life experience. And to add to that, the game was close - Essendon winning by 2 points.

And Peter introduced Luke to important people who, upon knowing that this was Lukes first time at the footy, took pains to make him feel important. In fact, Luke's wide-eyed enthusiasm brought back tender memories to several adults, recalling their first time at the MCG.

Peter also lent his mobile phone to Luke so he could call his mother. And he did - at least once every quarter and then some.

The game over, they were driving back to Billee's place when Peter asked -

"Well - What do you remember about today that really impressed you?" adding, "I suppose that's hard seeing you experienced a lot of new things. But something must have stood out as the one thing you'll remember most."

Without hesitation Luke answered \- "Being taken to the Footy. I know I had a stupendous time at the MCG, and the special box and all the goodies, and all the people, but just to go to a footy game was sumfing I'd always wanted to do. I can't thank you enough Peter. My mum reckons you're a good guy - I reckon you're the best."

"Well, I enjoyed taking you Luke and I'll do it again before the season ends. Believe me, if I could get tickets to the Grand Final I would. Trouble is, everyone wants to go, so their very hard to get. But, I'll still try. You'd love it. But tell me Luke, and I don't want to pry, but have you asked your Dad to take you to a footy game?"

"Yeah. Couple of times he said he would and then cancelled out. Some excuse or other. I'm trying to love him Peter but right now I don't even know if I like him. But me mums great. I know I've been difficult at times, but she's never let me down. Always there. I'm a lot better now, and it's all due to mama."

"I know - She's a great lady. I think, Luke, she'd do anything in the world just to make you happy."

"I like being with you Peter - You're a really nice man." Comforting as that may be, Peter was still beset by troubling thoughts.

What about my girls. Do they think I've let them down? I bet Brenda's been bending their ears telling what a bastard I am. Sad. All I can do is let them know that they're still in my heart. They have to know that I'll never stop loving them.

What about Luke? I'd really like him to be the son I'll never have. Suddenly, I find there's room in my heart for all three. Driving along, with Luke by my side talking about footy is totally enjoyable. It feels real good. But wait - How is he gonna react when he finds out I'm Gay. Now that's a nasty thought. Trust me to be negative. Let's cross that bridge when I have to.

But, right now--- I feel fucking good.

When they finally arrived home, Luke flew out of the car and crashed into Billee both physically and verbally.

Billee eyes met Peter and she mouthed a silent thanks. Looking at the two of them together, talking about footy and arguing about player's abilities, made Billee realize how much Luke had missed adult male company.

Max, you're an idiot. You don't realize what you've lost.

But she had to talk to Peter about Sammy's phone call. At the first possible moment she turned to Peter and asked -

"When was the last time you spoke to Karl?" A bit mystified Peter responded,

"Couple of days ago - He called me late one afternoon. Said he was sorry he hadn't contacted me sooner. Seems he was in good spirits. I told him I agreed about his break with Maria. It just didn't surprise me. Fact it was not long after Sammy's mum went back to Perth. Umm- Why do you ask?"

"Well, Sammy called when you were at the footy. It seems Maria's gone and got herself pregnant. Obviously, not with Karl. According to Sammy, Karl's a basket case and Sammy's just holding him together. I reckon -"

"Maria - Maria's pregnant. You've got to be joking. Holy Shit. That's just plain awful. Maria - pregnant. How? Shit! - Karl must be devastated. He was depressed enough to learn that he was barren. I mean, that's bad in itself. But to learn that Maria has been unfaithful would destroy Karl. Shit, Shit, Shit. How is Sammy coping with Karl?"

"Barely, hence the call this arvo. You should meet with Karl as soon as possible and give him you're support. He needs you, Pete. Apparently he keeps lapsing into German."

"Oh Shit. He reverts to German when he's distressed. Sammy should put Karl on a suicide watch. Uummm - what time does Luke have to be back in school tomorrow?"

"Latest around 4:30. We should leave here by about 2 o'clock"

"Right," Said Peter thinking aloud. "I'll call Karl and arrange a meet for about 10 in the am - if that works for Karl. Ahh - what about tonight's sleeping arrangements? Three people, two beds and a couch?"

"Err, not a problem. Luke can share my bed. It's only for one night." But Peter, somewhat hesitantly said,

"Don't think that's a good idea. He's a young man now and shouldn't sleep with his mother. How about I take the couch and Luke can crash in my bed?"

Listening, Luke became more indebted to Peter. "It's OK - I'll take the couch. After all Peters' done for me today - I owe him heaps."

When Peter called he could only speak to Sammy. Karl was asleep. But Peter wanted to talk to Sammy anyway.

"Billee passed on the news about Maria," said Peter "I still can't believe it. What an unfaithful little bitch she's turned out to be. How's Karl taking it?"

It's amazing isn't it, thought Sammy. Peter being unfaithful to Brenda by screwing me is Ok, but Maria doing the same made her a bitch. Males.

"Bloody hell, I'm glad you called Peter. I've never seen a bloke so devastated. Did you know he lapses into German when he gets emotionally down? Luckily, I did a bit of German at school so I can sort of follow him. But he's a very crushed person. I've been worried he could kill himself."

"As well we all should." agreed Peter. "I haven't had a long chat with him since I 'came out'. So much has happened so quickly. I thought maybe Karl and I could get together around 10 tomorrow morning. Can't do it any later - we're taking Luke back to school in the arvo."

"Nah - That's not gonna work for Karl. At least I don't think so. He said he's going over to his folks place tomorrow morning to tell them about Maria. How about I get him to ring you when he wakes?" "Look - better still, I'll meet at the Seaford pub, about 5 Monday afternoon. If that's not Ok get him to ring me."

"Right - will do."

"And Sammy, how are you doing? I think about you all the time. As much as I want to see you, I'm scared that Brenda's gonna drag you into my mess. I just want you to know that I haven't forgotten. If only I wasn't married . . . "

"Hey Pete - don't sweat. I know that it's all for the best. You need to get your marriage and your family life sorted before you can think about any relationship. I reckon if Brenda found out we're living together, she'd become really feral. She'd destroy us Pete. It just wouldn't work. Anyway, I 'm glad you're with Billee. She's good company and a willing shoulder to cry on. Also, she understands us Gays. Tell me, how are you feeling about 'coming out'? How do you feel in yourself?"

"A lot better," Peter admitted. Then continued. "I know I've hurt the girls and Brenda, but I also know that in the long run, it's gonna be better for all. From what I hear, Ricks been spending a lot of time with Brenda. Actually, if she marries him, it would be a good move. Not that I'm too fond of Rick mind you. He's a sneaky little shit. Only time will tell, Sammy - only time."

"You sound positive Pete. That's real good. Don't forget we're here if you need any help. Christ - a lot has happened, hasn't it?"

"Yep. Any way – it's good to talk. Relay my message to Karl when he wakes up. And Sammy - watch over him will you. Karl keeps his emotions real deep."

The next day, being Sunday, Maria and Brenda met for Sunday brunch at a place called 'The Court House', which was a historical site now converted into a coffee shop. The house specialty was hot yummy muffins. Heavenly.

What a contrast the two women represented. Brenda, being a victim, was bolstered by expressions of sympathy. She reveled in the attention. She was noble in her suffering and was gracious and dignified in her misery. Maria, on the other hand was just a slut - or so the mindset went. She had sex with another behind her husband's back. Harlot. Whore. Jezebel. But then, of course, she was having a baby, so that was alright. Wasn't It?

Their first priority was to order. Mud chocolate muffins for Brenda but Maria opted for scones. Black, for Brenda and white, for Maria.

Brenda, being the victim, rightfully opened the batting.

"You're looking a bit drawn. You must take good care of yourself now. You've got two lives to consider. Are you following proper medical advice?"

"Oh sure, being in my first trimester everything seems normal. But it's my mother. You'd think she was having the bloody baby."

"In a sense she is," Laughed Brenda. "Mothers, being prospective Grandmothers, are usually a bloody nuisance. What's Ron role in all this. How do you feel about him?"

"Well, what little I knew about him before, I liked. Of course he doesn't have Karl's good looks but he's certainly more open and endearing. He's talking about getting married as soon as possible. As true as my mother says a 'good looking husband can be a problem in any marriage'. I told Ron that it's too premature to consider marriage. I'm not going there until after the baby's born. For the present I'll just stay being an unmarried harlot."

"Don't be too hard on yourself," Admonished Brenda. "You're only human. We all make mistakes. But many times our mistakes turn out to have a positive outcome. I mean, you're gonna become a 'mum' and that's something you, and your mum, have wanted for some time. At least you're not dealing with the filth that I have to contend with. My husband is a poofter. A filthy queer. How could I have not known? When I th . . . "

Brenda was interrupted by the arrival of their order. Marias scones were huge, whilst Brenda muffins looked positively evil. Both women fell avidly on the goodies and any sensible talk was suspended for the time being.

"How do they get their scones to be so light inside but crunchy on the outside?" Maria managed as demolished her first scone.

"Apparently the chef uses soda water in the mixture, or so Janet Tyson says. And she should know - she's a bloody good cook." "Mmmmmmm - whatever" Maria mumbled through a full mouth." How's your muffin?"

"Good enough to eat, again and again and again. I could get fat just looking at the damn thing. Sure is better than an orgasm."

Now satiated by the food, Maria asked -

"So - what's happening with you and Rickie? I know he's been in your life a lot more than usual."

"In a sense I'm a bit like you. I married a good-looking man who just turned out to be a sleazy poofter. Rickie is just the opposite - he assures me he's not queer."

"Don't evade the question. Are you romantically involved with Rick?"

Now, as Brenda didn't want to water down her standing as a victim, she was careful in her response.

"I like him a lot and he's been really super with the girls. I'm just still too devastated with what that filthy creature did to me to think down the line. But, yes, he's been a great comfort to me through the entire trauma. He's also disgusted with that insect that I used to call 'husband'."

"Brenda - I don't like hearing you talk like that. Whether you like it or not, Peter is still a human being and the father of your children. You're sounding bitter and if you don't lighten up, you'll become a bitter old woman. Get over it. Move on."

"Get over it, you say. Get over it. How can I get over it when every time I think about what he and your cousin do together I feel sick. Sick. I don't want to get over it. Ever. Never."

"Well - If it's any comfort. I hear that Peter and Sammy are not seeing each other anymore. Seems that since Karl moved in with Sammy they've become close. Peter is boarding with a nice lady called Billee who looked after Sammy when he first came over from Perth. So you should start to move on and get a new life before you become hopelessly and irreversibly bitter."

"You mean your cousin is doing evil things with Karl. With Karl. That's impossible. I refuse to believe it."

"It's called sex Brenda and sex isn't evil. However, wouldn't surprise me with Karl. He's one of those persons who are happy to let deep friend ship go the whole way. It wouldn't surprise me if Peter and Karl didn't have a fling at some stage. They sure were good friends. I think the term is 'bi-romantic'."

"Shit Maria, how you can sit there and say that. Aren't you disgusted? Angry even. I think that men who have sex with other men are despicable. They should be culled at birth."

"My brother agrees with you," Maria sighed. "And he's doing 15 years hard. There's nothing wrong with being Gay, Brenda. It's not a choice people make. Don't be too hard. What if one of the girls turned out Gay? Hmmm?"

"They can't. I'm giving them both a good Christian upbringing."

Chapter 17

"Believe me Karl, when I heard about Maria, I was shocked. Stunned more like. It must've been a crushing blow, coming on top of your own medical problems. I don't think I could handle all that. How are you feeling now?" Before answering Karl looked around at the patrons of the Seaford pub's 'pokies' room. No one seemed to be listening in.

"How am I? Not sure. To tell the truth, I'm just going through the motion of breathing - it was cruel - hugely cruel. I got pissed and disgraced myself at the Dava."

"Don't blame you. No one deserves to have to cop anything like that. I don't think my problems are anywhere near as bad. I didn't know whether you'd want to meet up. You've got enough to contend with without me bothering you."

"Hey Pete - I'm the one that should apologize. All the time you were trying to help me with my problems; you were struggling to come to terms with your own. No. You'll never 'bother' me. You're my best mate. Always will be."

"Thanks for that. You don't know how much that means to me. Right now, the only friends I've got left are Sammy, Billee and - you. So many times, I wanted to tell you I'm Gay - so many times. Shit I came so bloody close at times, but I held back thinking I'd lose your friendship. And that was very important to me. Still is. But I didn't come here to talk about me. My situation is looking better as each day goes by. But you. Hell - I'm worried you might do something silly."

"You mean like topping me self?" When Peter nodded, Karl continued. "Nah, I think I've passed that bridge. But, being honest I went close, very close. I've never known such despair before. Not real. The sort of despair that robs you of breathing and the ability to think. Never been there before. Hope I never will. It's a bad place."

Changing direction Peter asked --

"I assume, at some stage, you'll be getting a divorce. I know it's too soon after the shock, but the solicitor I've got is terrific. When you're ready, I'll give you his name and number. His fees are reasonable too."

"Thanks for that. I want someone who'll handle the whole matter for me. Honestly Pete, I don't think I can face Maria again. I guess that makes me a squib. And I definitely don't want to have anything more to do with her family. Sammy's agreed to be a go-between, because he understands how I feel."

"Yeah - that works. With Sammy being Maria's cousin, it puts him in a nice position. I'm sure Sammy will get some jollies out of sticking it to his relatives. The way they treated him was disgraceful. He's a good young lad is our Sammy."

"Why do I detect wistfulness in your voice when you talk of Sammy? I thought you and he were in love?"

Peter became thoughtful before he answered. This was something he didn't want aired, but then, Karl was his best mate. Looking and sounding a little subdued, Peter responded with,

"It's a good question. Looking back over events, I realize now that Sammy was a sort of catalyst. His coming into my life gave me the courage to admit I'm Gay. To 'come out' if you will. But, and Sammy himself agrees with me, I've got a lot of problems to solve before I can'settle down'. And to be honest mate, I don't know if I want to settle down and have a relationship long-term. I don't think I can. But don't get me wrong - Sammy is still very special to me. I'll be extremely happy if he finds someone he can have a proper relationship with."

"You know," laughed Karl. "You and I are great mates, but we're so different. You don't want a close live-in relationship, whereas I do. I'm a home maker. I want to come home each night into a happy domestic environment. And it doesn't have to be gender based. My driving force is the relationship and finding the right person who shares my needs."

'Wait - Hey, are you saying that you could have a relationship with a guy? You could have a homosexual relationship? I never knew that. And all these years I've lusted after you, I could've had my wicked way with you. Now you tell me."

At this Karl laughed. Peter was so uncomplicated - for a Gay man. Taking a long swallow of beer, Karl sort of lectured,

"See, there you go Pete. You're talking about casual sex, and casual encounters, whereas I'm talking about sex in a relationship. There's a big difference. I'm not sexually driven - I'm relationship driven. Can you understand that?"

"Well excuse me, daddy; this is all so new to me. You're saying that you couldn't have casual sex with me, but if we're in a relationship, I could have as much of you as I wanted?"

"Yes - why is it so hard to believe? Sex is simply a logical extension of love, isn't it? Its nature's way of relieving the passion and tension that builds up between two people. And don't tell me you haven't been there yourself. Think back to other instances and you'll realize relationship sex is vastly different to casual sex."

For a moment, Peter just sat and looked as Karl took a drink of beer. Karl's emotions were raw right now. Peter should be careful. But,

"Karl, that's bullshit 'ol buddy. Just bullshit. Or you're naive. I think what your saying is just a nice way to cover your latent homosexuality. Remember you're looking at a person who's put a lid on his passion, effectively, for a long time. Too long"

"Do you think that? That I'm covering up for being Gay? You could be right. I've been having some explicit dreams of late. But I've never felt the need to go chasing casual sex to vent my passions. Never. I was happy with Maria until the whole focus on our relationship became just to get pregnant. Look, there's a lot I don't understand about myself. You could be right."

Silence.

Eventually Peter broke the tension and said,

"Shit we're getting heavy. Sorry, I came here to cheer you up - not challenge your sexuality. My apologies, good friend."

"No, No - It's cool. I need someone to talk to. And to talk with. What you've done is to get me to think positively, and not continue being mired in self-pity. Thanks."

"What about Sammy? How do you feel about Sammy? From what you're saying you and Sammy could have a relationship. You're both after the same thing."

Unexpectedly, Karl felt a small twinge. What Peter was saying, actually felt good. Abruptly, feelings that were in the background, suddenly surfaced. Sammy?

"Yeah - It's a possibility" Karl managed "But how would you feel?"

"Well being human I'd be jealous. But I know that Sammy and I can't have a relationship right now, just casual sex. And that's not what Sammy wants. He's been very emphatic on that. So I have to respect his feelings. Are you considering?"

"It's crossed my mind - actually from the first day I met Sammy something 'zinged' within me. I felt an empathy with him. Like a soul- mate. It's hard to explain."

"No it isn't," laughed Peter. "I reckon you've explained yourself real well. What are you gonna do about Ron. Thump him?"

"Nah, not worth it. Yeah, at first I wanted to clobber him but after I cooled down, I felt like it just wasn't worth it. He's got to live with Maria and her family now - He's welcome to her and them." Karl changed the subject--

"Well, enough of that. Tell me what's been happening to you. You said that things are getting better all the time. What did you mean by that?" "Arrh well, like I just said, I realize that getting into a relationship with Sammy or anyone else for that matter is just not for me. Right now, I'm happy having my freedom at last. I love being with Billee, we get on just fine. I'm free to be myself and not lie to others, or myself. I can't tell you how good that feels." Here Peter paused collecting his thoughts. Karl waited until --

"It's the kids, my girls. I couldn't give a shit about Brenda but I'm very sensitive about hurting my girls. They mean so much to me. I mean, I can't change anything, nor control how they feel about me. All I can do is show them I care, regardless of what they might think about me. I'm going to love them even if there's no reciprocation. In time, I hope they'll think less bitterly about me."

"Shit mate, that's very mature. You've really grown as a person since you 'came out'. Congratulations."

"Karl, please don't flatter me - It goes to my head", laughed Peter. "Anyway, there's one more factor that I've recently discovered. Billee's got a son, name of Luke, who's got AD & D. I won't bore you with details but he's grown up with only his mother to relate to. His father has virtually abandoned him. Anyway, I took him to the footy last Saturday and we spent the game in MPRE's private box at the MCG. The kid loved it. He was wide-eyed with wonder. It made me feel good just to see him so happy. What I'm trying to say is I want to spend more time with him, as he grows up."

"Wow, Pete - That's great. That's really great. Yeah, I met Billee briefly at the hospital and she seemed a likeable sort. And Sammy speaks very well of her. Just a warning from a friend. Don't get to close or too involved. Get your own life sorted out first."

"Well, that's the weird part. Guiding Luke through his early manhood troubles is a focus I need to truly get my life sorted out. You should meet him Karl. He's so open and trusting you just want to try and protect him. The only problem will be that when he finds out I'm Gay. He'll be hostile. But then Billee has brought him up to have an open mind. Of course, I'll have to combat destructive gossip that I'm a pedophile. But I'm not too much worried about that. When shit happens, I'll just flush it down the loo."

"Hey," said Karl. "This has been great. It's been great just sitting here and talking. I'm proud of you Pete - you've faced up to your problems and, from what you tell, it's going real good. And I feel better too. I'll think about what you said before. Thanks again"

"Well, all I can say Karl is - go live your life the way you want to. Ignore the Naysayers. Life's too short. But times getting on and I've got to drive back to Melbourne."

"Shit- I hadn't thought about that. I'm cabbing. Are you Ok to drive?"

"Oh yeah, I reckon. I've only been drinking 'lite' beer. If I'm breathalysed, I'll be Ok."

When Peter departed Karl stayed on for a short while, thinking about Peter's comments. Not that there was much to think about. It was clear as crystal. Sammy?

Why hadn't I seen this before? Thinking back, I've had special feelings for Sammy since he came over from Perth. And the dreams I've been having, about guys. I remember each time I dreamed, I was left with a feeling of unease. Is my subconscious forcing me to confront the truth that I love Sammy? Peter's right. We are good for each other. And I recall Sammy telling me he loved me the night of Maria's bombshell. I feel a bit weird. And wonderful. I haven't felt like this for a long time.

And he turns me on. Physically. I could passionately make love with him. What a beautiful couple we would make.

Sammy was in the kitchen cleaning up when he heard a car pull up. Soon after, Karl came into the kitchen and Sammy asked,

"Well, how did it go?" then turning around to face Karl. "Are you pissed?"

"Really good and No", answered Karl. "I've been such a fool, Sammy, such a bloody stupid fool."

"How so? Why do you say that?"

"Well, Pete and I talked, and talked honestly with each other. Our conversation eventually turned to relationships, something that's been a large issue, of late. We're great mates but we differ in a very basic way. Peter has been, and perhaps always will be, focused on casual sex and casual encounters. I'm totally different. All I've ever wanted in my life is a good solid long-term relationship. And, talking with Peter, I realized that everything I want is right here."

"Karl, what the fuck are you talking about? You're confusing me. What relationship are you talking about?"

"With you Sammy, with you. Ever since you came into my life, I've been blinded by other traumatic events. I remember when you first came down for Jim's party; I experienced a 'twinge', a jolt, when we met. And over the past few months, aided by all the things that've happened, my feelings for you have grown. I told you before I had a sexual encounter with a guy some time ago, long before I met Maria. We had a close relationship, which just, very naturally, became sexual. We were inseparable. I can remember being really happy. But, we were young and then- he got killed in a car crash. His name was Anthony - Tony."

Walking over closer to Sammy, Karl continued,

"I was totally distraught and, being immature, I didn't hide my feelings. I ended up telling my father about the relationship, which was homosexual. It didn't faze my father, as he considered it as part of growing up. In fact I had less trouble telling my dad about Tony, than I had telling him I was barren. In his eyes, being barren was much worse. But I'm digressing."

Closer now-

Sammy's heart was hammering in his chest. He couldn't trust himself to speak as Karl continued-

"Then I met Maria. Initially, I thought Maria would satisfy my relationship needs, but eventually I realized, to her, I was just a piece of meat - a means of becoming a mother. Our relationship died when we found out I was barren. Then when you came on the scene, I didn't recognize my feelings at first, because they were clouded by other events. I'll never forget the night you were assaulted. Never. I drove into the hospital with a feeling of dread. And then, at the hospital, Peter'came out' admitting he was Gay - and in love with you. In all the drama and confusion, I suppressed my feelings once again. You see Sammy, at every step of the way, something always intervened and made me hide my own basic feelings."

This isn't happening thought Sammy. This can't be happening. Please, if this is a dream, I don't want to wake up.

Now Karl could almost touch Sammy, as he continued -

"But talking with Pete really gave me focus. I realized that - I love you Samuel. Ich liebe dich. I've loved you from the start. Can you forgive me for being so dense?"

Silence

This continued until Karl anxiously said - "Say something Sammy - please."

"I can't - I'm frightened I might wake up."

Was this a dream? Would I wake up soon and wistfully recall details of the dream. But no, this wasn't a dream. Karl had finally opened himself up to reveal the human person within. I can sense Karl's vulnerability - the little boy having a 'crush' on a friend and having to deal with such a traumatic loss in his formative years. And the strong underlying relationship with his father. Then his basic motivation, his basic need - to find a kindred soul to share his dreams. I also recognize his fear - that his physical good looks could betray him and only attract people who were merely interested in a casual encounter.

With faltering words Sammy managed,-

"I've already said I love you Karl. I told you the night you came home from Maria's. You wouldn't remember. I didn't think it possible to love you more, but now I do. I reckon I feel like a silly teenage girl, experiencing love for the first time. Is it true? That you love me and want to have a relationship? Because that's what I want too. Every casual encounter I've ever had was, hopefully, to find someone I could settle down with. I love you Karl. I'm so bloody happy I could wet myself."

As if on some basic instinct, Karl pulled Sammy into him and they kissed. That first kiss gave promise of all the beautiful things to come. Sammy surrendered and simply returned Karl's passion.

Lifting Sammy's face so that their eyes made contact, Karl gently licked away some tears, which had escaped onto Sammy's cheeks. And whispered -

"As you no doubt have noticed, my cock is about to burst. Is there anything you can do to fix the problem?"

"Follow me," was Sammy's hoarse reply. And taking Karl's hand, they both fled into the bedroom.

With clumsy hands, Sammy started to strip Karl down. First his shirt, then his jeans and shoes. Now Karl stood before him, naked except for his 'jockeys'.

My god he's stunning, thought Sammy. Just looking at him makes me gasp.

In response, Karl gently removed Sammy's clothes, helped clumsily by Sammy. Taking charge, Karl traced every part of Sammy's body with his tongue. Licking one of Sammy's nipples, he gently blew on the nipple. To Sammy, it was an incredible sensation. Even though his fingers were knotted and blunt from manual labor, Karl's touch was very gentle. Sammy started to moan under this onslaught of bliss. "Karl, I don't think I can hold back - I'm ready to pop. Please lie on top of me and let me feel your whole body on mine. That's how I want to climax."

As Karl complied, Sammy thrust his groin against him and began to stimulate himself to orgasm. When it came, he cried out in passion with a voice choked with ecstasy - and lay immobile as the frenzy of his release subsided. Far, far away, he could see Karl's face responding to the waves of pleasure engulfing his own body.

Now Karl, slowly at first, started to thrust himself against Sammy. All negative thoughts of being barren and Maria's betrayal were cast aside. He was lost in passion, but was able to return Sammy's kiss. Now he could feel his own orgasm closing in on him and his thrusting became more urgent. Events of the past few months had denied him any release of passion so he quickly reached a point of no return. His climax burst through his body accompanied with a loud bellow. And he continued groaning with ecstasy, until his shuddering orgasm was reduced to a plaintive whimper.

Side by side they lay as the last vestiges of their euphoria subsided. Neither wanted to speak, being afraid of breaking the magic of the moment.

Eventually Sammy managed, in a very low voice, to say -

"Now that your physical needs are satisfied, are you sure you still want a relationship with me?"

Karl didn't answer straight away and Sammy was about to repeat his question when Karl responded softly with a smile in his voice -

"Firstly, my physical needs are never satisfied. I love sex. And I love to experiment. I might be barren but that's been compensated with a high sex-drive. Secondly, I wouldn't be here if I didn't want a relationship with you. You'd better get that through your cute little head."

And Karl fell silent obviously deep in thought, so Sammy didn't interrupt. Eventually -

"I've been having dreams about guys. I was afraid to interpret them so I just ignored them. Now I know that my subconscious was leading me to you. I think now, we should disclose to each other all about our pasts - leaving nothing out. Nothing. And our future - we need to divulge to each other our dreams and what we each want out of life. I believe that's important. Whatever your dreams and ambitions are, I'm gonna be here to help you achieve those goals. And vice versa.

And so they did. A true relationship requires openness and honesty. To know the real person, not just the physical person.

Eventually, exhausted by emotion and exhilarated by their sexual encounter they fell sound asleep in each other's arms.

But not for long.

Next morning, after a strenuous night, the atmosphere was a little surreal - a teaspoon of normality mixed with a tablespoon of bliss. They prepared to go to work knowing that their lives had changed - for the better. Karl was happy. Instinct told him that a life with Sammy would be one of fulfillment. But something was missing. He needed to give Sammy a gift or some present to signify his love and commitment.

As they drove along to the work-site, he had his answer. Around 10, Karl told Sammy he was going to run an errand.

Sammy and the rest of the gang just kept on working and were still at it when Karl got back around one o'clock.

On the way home Sammy sensed something different about Karl. He was like a little boy nursing a cherished secret. Sammy asked,

"Karl - Is anything wrong? You seem in a strange mood. You're not having second thoughts are you?"

"Nope - everything's fine. I hope it's gonna get better."

When they got home, Karl disappeared in the direction of the laundry whilst Sammy headed for the kitchen. He actually enjoyed cooking - it was a challenge to make simple good food. His mother was a champion. She could take the simplest of ingredients and make a meal fit for a King. Busying himself with potatoes he didn't hear Karl enter the kitchen until,

"Hey Sammy look. Look what I found in the laundry."

Sammy turned round and - Froze. There, in Karl's hands - and squirming ferociously - was a little puppy dog. A white puppy dog, just a baby. Karl was wearing a huge grin. All Sammy could say was

"What's that? Karl what have you done? Oh my god - I don't believe it. A puppy - Whose is it?

"It's ours stupid. Or I should say yours. It's a present from me to you. I didn't have time to get a card. It doesn't matter. It simply would have said,

"To Sammy, with all my Love – Karl."

"Karl, I don't know what to say. I've always wanted a dog but -" But before Sammy could say any more, Karl kissed him gently and lovingly on his lips and said,

"I love you Sammy. I really love you. I bought the dog to show you how much I love you. We both belong to you. The dog and me. Just tell us you love us Sammy - That's all we want to hear."

"Love you Karl? Love You? I've loved you ever since I first saw you. But I have to say that I'm scared. Scared that something is gonna happen to burst my bubble of joy. From the bottom of my heart Karl, I love you and promise I'll do everything in my power to make our relationship eternal. Karl - oh shit Karl, I love you."

"That's all I need to know. Hey, what about a name for the pooch. Anything in mind?"

"Yep, I'd like to call him 'Samson'. That Ok?"

"Done. Hello Samson - welcome to our family."

Epilogue

Peter finished showering and turned off the tap. Wrapping the towel around his mid section, he made his way to the in- house cafe. All around him the sounds of the male bath-house continued quietly.

Seems I've been here before. Was it only a few short months ago? That fateful night when I met Sammy. So much has happened. Not all of it good. But then again- not really bad. Sammy and Karl have apparently gone into a relationship that looks like weathering the tests of time. If only I'd known about Karl. But then, if I had a tryst with Karl we wouldn't have stayed best friends. His relationship needs are vastly different to mine. Our friendship would have suffered.

And out of it all, I've managed to keep Sammy on as a friend. Ahh - Sammy. I really hope I meet someone like you boyo. Karl is a lucky man - and knows it. I think he'll make Sammy happy too. Christ, imagine going to bed with that gorgeous hunk every night. Yummy.

And Maria's preggo - to Ronald, would you believe? Actually, Ron's not such a bad bloke. He and Maria, it must be said, make a much better 'fit' than Karl and Maria. Except that, her family's a bunch of dick-heads. Ron's welcome to them.

And, of course, there's dear old Rick. The dullest, most boring, dreary zombie, you'd ever meet. If he thinks he's just gonna walk in and take over where I left off, he's more stupid than he looks. Brenda's welcome to him. But my kids - I'll double the effort to stay close to them. Bit hard though. Brenda's turned nasty and bitter, so she's gonna try and poison the kids against me. But kids grow up. My kids will eventually shake off Brenda's poison and relate to me in a positive way. I'm sure of it.

And what about me. Hey - I'm free. No more lies and dishonesty. No more deceit. I can be myself, and if others don't like it - well, tough. And out of all of this there's Billee. Not in my wildest dreams would I ever consider making a female a friend, and who accepts my being Gay. That's the wonder. And Luke - I'm gonna embrace him as the son I'll never have. And that makes me feel bloody terrific. Yeah. So, life's beginning to be - Holy Shit. Look at the arse on that little number . . .

End
