MY FIRST GUEST IS AN ACTOR,
WRITER, PRODUCER, AND COMEDIAN.
HE IS THE CREATOR AND STAR OF
"CURB YOUR ENTHUSIASM," WHICH IS
RETURNING FOR ITS 10th SEASON.
PLEASE WELCOME LARRY DAVID!
♪ ♪ ♪
 ( APPLAUSE )
 ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
>> THIS IS VERY NICE.
>> Stephen: IT IS NICE, ISN'T
IT?
>> THIS IS VERY, VERY
COMFORTABLE.
>> Stephen: THANK YOU!
WE WANT PEOPLE TO WANT TO STAY.
>> AND IT'S FACING-- IT'S FACING
FORWARD, YOU KNOW.
>> Stephen: WHAT DO YOU MEAN?
>> WELL, A LOT OF-- THEY USED TO
BE DIAGONAL COUCHES, RIGHT.
>> Stephen: SURE, SURE, SURE.
I'M WILLING TO TURN AND FACE
YOU.
I DON'T MAKE YOU TURN AND FACE
ME.
>> THAT'S WAIT IT SHOULD BE.
>> Stephen: THANK YOU.
I'M THE HOST.
YOU'RE MY GUEST.
OF COURSE I WOULD TREAT YOU
BETTER THAN YOU'RE TREATING ME.
>> YEAH, WELL...
THAT REMAINS TO BE SEEN.
>> Stephen: IT'S EARLY.
>> IT'S EARLY.
>> Stephen: HAPPY NEW YEAR, BY
THE WAY.
>> COME ON.
>> Stephen: WHAT DO YOU MEAN?
YOU DON'T WANT A HAPPY NEW YEAR?
>> IT'S A LITTLE LATE, ISN'T IT?
ARE YOU KIDDING?
>> Stephen: IT'S JANUARY 8.
THAT'S TOO LATE.
>> THAT'S ENOUGH.
THAT'S ENOUGH.
>> Stephen: WHAT IS THE
CUTOFF?
>> BECAUSE YOU'RE GETTING IT 10
DAYS, BEFORE OKAY --
>> Stephen: NO YOU'RE GETTING
MERRY CHRISTMAS 10 DAYS BEFORE.
>> BUT YOU'RE GETTING HAPPY NEW
YEAR.
YOU'RE GETTING HAPPY NEW YEAR.
WE DON'T NEED IT.
>> Stephen: DO YOU DO
RESOLUTIONS?
THAT LASTS ALL YEAR.
IT'S NEVER TOO LATE FOR THAT.
>> THAT'S INTERESTING BECAUSE --
>> Stephen: IT REMAINS TO BE
SEEN WHETHER IT'S INTERESTING.
>> THIS IS VERY INTERESTING.
THIS IS INTERESTING.
>> Stephen: OKAY.
>> SEE, HERE'S THE THING-- I
NEVER USED TO DO RESOLUTIONS.
A COUPLE YEARS AGO, OKAY, I-- I
DID ONE.
AND IT'S WORKED, AND IT WAS PEE
BEFORE YOU LEAVE.
>> Stephen: ANYWHERE.
>> ANYWHERE, YEAH.
YOU KNOW.
 ( APPLAUSE )
DON'T BE-- DON'T BE ASHAMED TO
GO TO THE BATHROOM.
JUST SAY, "I HAVE TO GO TO THE
BATHROOM BEFORE I GO."
YOU KNOW?
PEOPLE AREN'T GOING TO LOOK DOWN
ON YOU FOR DOING THAT.
>> Stephen: NO.
>> GO TO THE BATHROOM.
AND THEN LEAVE, YOU'LL BE SO
MUCH HAPPIER THAN SITTING IN THE
CAR CURGS YOURSELF GOING, "I
DON'T KNOW WHY I DIDN'T GO TO
THE BATHROOM.
WHY DIDN'T I GO?"
THAT'S A GOOD ONE.
AND THAT'S LASTED.
>> Stephen: REALLY?
>> YES.
>> Stephen: OKAY.
>> NOTICE, LAST YEAR I HAD
ANOTHER ONE.
>> Stephen: SURE.
>> THAT'S BEEN VERY GOOD.
>> Stephen: ALL RIGHT.
>> AND THAT WAS... MAKE TWO
TRIPS.
MAKE TWO TRIPS.
YOU'RE COMING HOME WITH
GROCERIES, OKAY.
YOU'VE GOT TO GO IN THE HOUSE.
DON'T PILE UP IT ALL, YOU KNOW,.
>> Stephen: OKAY.
>> DON'T PILE EVERYTHING UP AND
GO IN THE HOUSE.
>> Stephen: YEAH.
>> AND YOU'LL DROP STUFF.
YOU'RE DROPPING CANTALOUPE ON
THE FLOOR, YOU KNOW.
GO IN WITH ONE BACK BAGHDADI.
YOU KNOW, TAKE HALF, GO IN THE
HOUSE, DROP IT OFF.
THEN GO BACK TO THE CAR.
MAKE TWO TRIPS.
>> Stephen: SURE.
>> THAT'S THE IDEA.
>> Stephen: YOU THREW ME-- YOU
THREW MEA LITTLE BIT THERE--
 ( APPLAUSE )
>> YEAH.
>> Stephen: THEY LIKE IT.
YOU THREW ME SLIGHTLY THERE WHEN
YOU SAID, "MAKE TWO TRIPS," I
THOUGHT TWO TRIPS TO THE
BATHROOM?
I WAS GOING TO SAY, TWO TRIPS,
AND THEN STRAIGHT TO THE
UROLOGIST.
>> I CAN SEE HOW YOU WERE THROWN
BY THAT.
>> Stephen: I WAS A LITTLE
THROWN BY THAT.
>> I CAN SEE, THAT YEAH.
>> Stephen: DO YOU GO TO A
PLACE THAT GIVES THE PAPER BAGS,
PLASTIC BAGS OR DO YOU BRING
YOUR OWN BAGS.
>> WHO SHOPS?
ARE YOU NUTS.
>> Stephen: I LOVE SHOPPING.
>> DO YOU BRING YOUR PLASTIC
BAG.
>> Stephen: NO THE SHOPPING
BAGS FOR THE GROCERY, THE CLOTH
BAGS SO YOU DON'T-- I CARE ABOUT
THE ENVIRONMENT.
I DON'T KNOW IF YOU CARE ABOUT
THE ENVIRONMENT?
>> HOW DARE YOU ACCUSE ME OF NOT
CARING ABOUT THE ENVIRONMENT.
>> Stephen: I WAS ASKING IF
YOU CARE ABOUT THE ENVIRONMENT.
I DON'T KNOW IN YOU CARE ABOUT
THE ENVIRONMENT.
>> I KNOW THERE WAS AN ATTITUDE
THEY PICKED UP ON.
>> Stephen: I APOLOGIZE.
>> I THOUGHT I DIDN'T CARE --
>> Stephen: I APOLOGIZE.
I'M THE HOST AND YOU'RE THE
GUEST.
I SHOULD TREAT YOU BETTER THAN
THIS.
>> YOU SEE?
I TOLD YOU.
>> Stephen:  MY APOLOGIES.
I'M SORRY.
>> YES.
I'M NOT DOING THE SHOW AGAIN.
WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT THAT?
I'M DONE HERE.
>> Stephen: WE'LL SEE.
 ( LAUGHTER )
WE'LL SEE.
>> WAIT, I HAVE ANOTHER
RESOLUTION FOR THIS YEAR.
FOR THIS YEAR.
>> Stephen: TWO FOR THIS YEAR.
>> I HAVE TWO FOR THIS YEAR.
THE FIRST ONE IS STOP WAVING AT
THE WAITERS TO GET THEIR
ATTENTION, OKAY.
DON'T WAVE LIKE THIS.
YOU KNOW, IT'S LIKE MY FATHER.
"HEY, HEY, COME HERE, COME
HERE!"
ENOUGH OF THAT.
>> Stephen: HOW DO YOU GET
THEIR ATTENTION?
>> I'M GOING TO START NODDING.
I THINK IT'S BETTER.
EH.
EH.
EH.
 (  LAUGHTER  )
YOU KNOW.
>> Stephen: THAT LOOKS
EXHAUSTING!
THAT LOOKS EXHAUSTING.
>> WHY, ARE YOU OKAY WITH
WAVING?
>> Stephen: YES.
>> I DON'T THINK THEY LIKE IT.
>> Stephen: REALLY?
>> I DON'T THINK THEY LIKE IT.
>> Stephen: WERE YOU EVER A
WAITER?
>> IN CAMP.
>> Stephen: YOU WENT TO A CAMP
THAT HAD WAITERS?
WHAT KIND OF CAMP IS THIS THAT
HAD WAITERS.
>> A CAMP-A-WAITER?
YOU NEVER HEARD OF A
CAMP-A-WAITER.
>> Stephen: NO.
>> ARE YOU SERIOUS.
YOU PAID TO WAIT TABLES WHEN YOU
WERE 16.
>> Stephen: YOU PAID MONEY TO
WAIT--
>> WHEN I WAS 16 AND 17, I PAID
MONEY EYE KNOW, IT'S INSANE!
YEAH.
I PAID MONEY TO WAIT.
AND YOU KNOW WHAT?
>> Stephen: DID YOU PAY THE
MONEY OR YOUR PARENTS PAID THE
MONEY?
>> MY PARENTS, OF COURSE.
BUT LET ME TELL YOU SOMETHING,
OKAY-- I WAS SO BAD, THE CAMPERS
HATED ME SO MUCH, THAT THEY MADE
ME A ROVER.
>> Stephen: WHAT'S A ROVER?
>> YOU KNOW I HAD A DIFFERENT
TABLE EVERY DAY.
>> Stephen: OH!
SO YOU NEVER ESTABLISHED A
RAPPORT WITH YOUR TABLE.
>> THEY KICKED ME OUT AFTER THE
FIRST WEEK.
>> Stephen: YOU'RE A WEAK
LINK.
>> I-- THEY DIDN'T LIKE ME FOR
SOME REASON.
>> Stephen: YEAH.
I WAS A WAITER FOR FIVE YEARS.
WAVE ALL YOU WANT.
>> LIKE, IN A COFFEE SHOP?
>> Stephen: NO.
>> WHERE?
>> Stephen: WHY DID YOU THINK
COFFEE SHOP?
A NICE ITALIAN RESTAURANT.
>> OH, REALLY.
>> Stephen: WHY COFFEE SHOP?
>> THAT'S THE FIRST THING THAT
CAME TO MY MIND.
I SAW YOU IN A COFFEE SHOP.
>> Stephen: OKAY, UH-HUH,
UH-HUH.
YOU, BUS DEPOT?
BUS DEPOT.
YOU PAID PEOPLE TO BRING THEM
FOOD IN A BUS DEPOT.
>> SO YOU WERE A WAITER IN AN
ITALIAN RESTAURANT.
>> Stephen: I WAS A GOOD
WAITER IN AN ITALIAN RESTAURANT.
>> DID YOU LEARN ANY ITALIAN.
>> Stephen: UN POCO.
DO YOU SPEAK ITALIAN.
>> WERE YOU SELF-CONSCIOUS WHEN
YOU TOLD THEM THE SPECIAL S.
>> Stephen:  NO, I WAS FINE
WITH THAT.
WE HAD THE
( SPEAKING ITALIAN.  ).
>> THAT WAS VERY GOOD.
VERY IMPRESSIVE.
>> Stephen: TELL ME ABOUT THE
NEW SEASON.
WHAT'S GOING ON INDEPENDENT NEW
SEASON OF "CURB."
YOUR TV SHOW.
>> I HAVE ONE MORE RESOLUTION.
 ( LAUGHTER )
>> Stephen: YOU KNOW WHAT?
I HAVE ONE, TOO-- LISTEN TO YOUR
GUESTS.
DON'T TALK.
I APOLOGIZE.
>> YOU SAID I HAD TWO FOR THIS
YEAR, RIGHT?
BUT THEN YOU DIDN'T-- YOU DIDN'T
LISTEN.
 ( LAUGHTER )
>> Stephen: I THOUGHT THE
GROCERIES WAS ONE.
I THOUGHT THE GROCERIES WAS THIS
YEAR.
WAS THE GROCERIES THIS YEAR?
>> NO, NO.
>> Stephen: WHAT WAS THE GROSS
SNREEZ PEEING WAS HOW LONG AGO?
I THINK ABOUT 15 MINUTES AT THIS
POINT.
HOW LONG AGO WAS PEEING?
>> THAT WAS A COUPLE OF YEARS
GLOOG AND GROCERIES WAS WHEN?
>> THAT WAS LAST YEAR.
>> Stephen: AND THIS YEAR IT'S
THE WAVING AND--
>> AND --
>> Stephen: AND I HOPE THIS
ISN'T PUTTING TOO MUCH WEIGHT ON
THIS ONE.
>> I'M GOING TO LEARN HOW TO
SWIPE BECAUSE I'M NOT A GOOD
SWIPE WERT CARD.
>> Stephen: OH, THIS THING.
I THOUGHT YOU MEANT TINDIR OR
SOMETHING LIKE THAT.
>> SWIPING.
I'M A BAD SWIERP.
YOU'RE IN A CAB, YOU HAVE TO
SWIPE SOMETIMES.
NOW YOU HAVE TO INSERT.
>> Stephen: THE CHIP.
>> YEAH, THE CHIP.
>> Stephen: YEAH.
 ( LAUGHTER )
I APOLOGIZE FOR NOT LETTING YOU
GET THAT ONE OUT.
 ( LAUGHTER )
THAT'S ON ME, MAN.
 ( APPLAUSE )
>> NOT --
>> Stephen: THAT'S ON ME.
 ( APPLAUSE )
>> NEVER BEEN GRADED INSERTING.
 ( LAUGHTER )
I ALWAYS NEED A LITTLE HELP.
>> Stephen: GOOD, GOOD, GOOD.
GOOD TO HEAR.
GOOD TO HEAR, YEAH.
NO REASON TO BE EMBARRASSED.
>> NO.
>> Stephen: PEE BEFORE YOU GO.
>> SURE, PEE BEFORE-- COME ON,
IT'S A GOOD TIP.
DON'T POO-POO THAT TIP.
GLI WOULD NEVER.
I WOULD NEVER.
>> ALL RIGHT, LET'S MOVE ON WITH
THIS TREMENDOUS INTERVIEW, YES.
 ( LAUGHTER )
>> Stephen: I'M ENJOYING IT
IMMENSELY.
>> I'M HAVING A GOOD TIME.
>> Stephen: I'M DOING VERY
LITTLE WORK HERE.
>> I'M ENJOYING IT.
>> Stephen: SURE, GOOD.
I ENJOY "CURB YOUR ENTHUSIASM."
I WAS GOING TO DO THIS LATER BUT
WE MIGHT AS WELL GET TOW IT NOW.
THE NEW SEASON IS COMING UP,
SEASON 10.
QUITE AN ACHIEVEMENT, 10 SEASONS
OF ANYTHING.
>> THANK YOU.
>> Stephen: AND GOOD, AND
GOOD.
AND GOOD.
 ( APPLAUSE )
AND GOOD.
>> HOW LONG HAVE YOU BEEN DOING
THIS?
>> Stephen: THIS?
FIVE?
ARE WE IN SEASON FIVE?
FOYER AND A HALF YEARS,
SOMETHING LIKE THAT.
>> YOU'LL BE UP TO ME BEFORE YOU
KNOW DID.
>> Stephen: YOU REMEMBER I DID
YOUR SHOW?
I DID "CURB" EARLY ON.
>> OF COURSE, I REMEMBER.
>> Stephen: WE ACTUALLY HAVE A
CLIP OF ME ON YOUR SHOW.
>> JOHN, I WAS--
>> YOU'RE CONSTANTLY UNDERMINING
EVERY DECISION I MADE ON THIS
TRIP.
>> CIRC YOU KNOW WHAT--
>> THERE'S NOT A SINGLE THING I
CAN DO TO PLEASE YOU SINCE I GOT
OFF THE AIRPLANE.
>> WHY DON'T YOU GUYS WORK THIS
OUT, SERIOUSLY.
>> SO NO PHOTO?
SO YOU'RE OUT, THAT'S IT?
>> YEAR, I'M OUT, I'M OIT.
>> OKAY, THANKS!
>> WE JUST PICKED UP OUR
TICKETS.
WE'RE SEEING YOU, THE SHOW.
>> YOU'RE IN THE SHOW TOMORROW
NIGHT?
OH, I CAN'T WAIT BECAUSE YOU...
WILL... FAIL!
♪ ♪ ♪
 (  LAUGHTER  )
 ( APPLAUSE )
>> Stephen: THANK YOU.
WHAT AN HONOR.
WHAT AN HONOR.
>> YEAH.
>> Stephen: WE HAVE TO TAKE A
BREAK.
>> LET'S TAKE A BREAK.
>> Stephen: AND WE'LL BE RIGHT
BACK WITH MORE LARRY DAVID.
>> I'M EXHAUSTED!
>> Stephen: STICK AROUND.
