 
### SINCERE SEDUCTION

### Using Honesty And Integrity To Attract Women

Damien Diecke

Copyright © 2014 Damien Diecke

Smashwords Edition

Australia's #1 Dating Coach. Find Out More

at:

schoolofattraction.com.au

# Q & A — Skeptics Read This

Is Sincere Seduction for you? Chances are good that it is. Here are some of the most common doubts and fears that people have before taking the leap and joining the Sincere Reductionist movement:

**Is it really hard? Do I have to dedicate my life to this?** No on both counts. Whether you use Jedi mind tricks to get ladies to disappear with you or go on mindblowing dates with supermodels, there are paths for every comfort level. How does a fella seduce two women that don't know each other to come home with him? How do you create a social life deserving of a best-selling biography without hurting women and compromising your own self worth? It's all here.

**Do I have to be a single twenty-something?** Not at all. This book is for anyone who is sick of the lack of control and wants to live life large instead of postpone it. Case studies range from a barely-out-of highschool youngster to a 55 year old journalist who learnt to date women of all ages. If you're sick of being on the sideline watching other men get the ladies and prepared to enter a world of infinite possibilities, this book is for you.

**Do I have to want sex? I just want a nice woman.** No. It's just one option. The objective is to create freedom and access to women so you can use both however you want.

**Do I need to be good looking or in the best shape?** No. You just need to learn how to showcase your strengths and leverage your weaknesses. I will show you how.

# My Story And Why You Need This Book

_The happiness of life is made up of minute fractions—the little soon-forgotten charities of a kiss, a smile, a kind look, a heartfelt compliment in the disguise of a playful raillery, and the countless other infinitesimal of pleasurable thought and genial feeling.'_

— _Samuel Taylor Coleridge_

In mid-February 2009, I sat down to write in my weekly journal about all the happenings of the week before. I remember thinking to myself 'What on earth would I be doing right now, if I had stayed in my room and hadn't pushed myself to go out and meet amazing women?'

Shuddering at the thought, I got down to writing my exploits. Okay, let's see... What did I do that week? I share with you my journal entry.

Oh yes, last Monday, I met another really cute Filipino girl Brianna in the day and we agreed to meet up on Wednesday for dinner. Monday night, went after work for dinner with workmates. Talked to the bargirl for a few minutes. Got her number. Will meet her next week.

Tuesday, had a date with Soffa for coffee and met Robin for dinner at her place.

Wednesday I went to pick up Marissa from her apartment for dinner but we never made it out of her apartment.

Thursday, I went to a salsa club with a mate and met Olivia. We went out for coffee afterwards. I'll see her again next week Thursday.

Friday was boys night. Me and the guys went to an awesome club. I met a gorgeous brunette named Lindsey. She took my hand to the dance floor and started dancing on me hot and heavy. Then she mentioned she would like to come home with me. I obliged.

Saturday I went out with a bunch of friends.Wasn't really in the mood to approach girls so we spent the whole time dancing and having fun with one another. Was a fun and relaxing night. Still managed to get the phone number of a friend of a friend I met for the first time that night. Her name is Lucille.

Here I am on Sunday exhausted and wanting nothing more than just time to myself. No picking up phone calls or answering texts. Just me reading a book on the couch the whole day. Hmm, sounds amazing...

The most common question I get from fellas nowadays is why I left this 'Casanova' lifestyle behind. After all, this is the 'holy grail' that we men so desperately search for.

Yes I have had enough sexual experience for one man – and then some. Sure I pushed boundaries and got myself into situations well beyond my wildest dreams. Absolutely I was living my life to the fullest extent. But the beauty is that right now I'm not dating multiple women, nor do I particularly care to be.

How can I possibly explain to you that managing multiple women was taking over my life in a negative way – that I had bigger and better dreams? Would you understand that I was sleeping with more women in one week that most men would sleep with in one year yet I chose to give it all up to follow my true passion – teaching? Do you believe that learning to attract women is not the be-all-and-end-all but rather a doorway to becoming the best man you can possibly be?

For the first time, I'm going to tell you the real story. It involves a quiet subculture of people called the 'Sincere Seductionists'.

How does a man use the same principles in dating and apply it to work, relationships and family to come out on top? He uses dating as his testing ground for bigger and better things in his life.

How does a man learn to understand women and become sensitive to their needs and wants? Through heaps of experience.

Manipulating and deceiving women is getting old. The Sincere Seductionists are those who abandon the current flawed dating advice and create a new dating system using the currency of Sincere Seduction: honesty and integrity.

I've spent the last 10 years tweaking and honing my craft. I have seen countless students get amazing results and am proud to be a part of it all. Rather than hating reality, I'll show you how to bend it to your will. It's easier than it sounds. My journey from panic attack sufferer with little experience to a successful Sincere Seductionist is mind-blowing and – now that I have cracked the code – simple to duplicate. There is a proven formula.

Life doesn't have to be so damn difficult. It really doesn't. Most people, my past self included, have spent too much time convincing ourselves that life has to be hard, a resignation to standing in the sidelines watching other men pick up women in the hopes that women will fall at your feet (rare) or occasionally you'll meet not-so-right-for-you girls through friends.

The truth, at least the truth I live by and will share in this book, is quite different. From having amazing conversations to one night stands, I'll show you how a small underground of men use scientific methods to do what most people consider impossible.

If you've picked up this book, chances are that you don't want to wait for the right lady to fall at your feet. Whether your dream is getting some control in your life, getting more experience, moving on from a painful break-up or to simply date more, this book will give you the tools you need to make it a reality in the here-and-now instead of in the often illusive "someday". There is a way to get the rewards and work smarter, not harder.

How? It begins with asking yourself some simple questions.

How would your decisions change if divorce wasn't an option? What if you could gain experience and understand the kind of woman that's truly right for you? It is really necessary to bow to social pressures?

Little did I know where questions like these would take me. The surprising conclusion? The common sense rules of the 'real world' are an unsubstantiated collection of socially enforced rules designed to keep you unhappy. This book will teach you how to get and conquer opportunities other do not see.

What makes this book different?

First I'm not going to spend much time on the problem. I'm going to assume you are suffering from lack of time, a barely tolerable existence not doing enough for your dating life and you could be happier.

Second, this book will not give you short-term bandaid solutions that will give you more problems down the line. I believe you need real solutions that will work now and the next time you get out of a monogamous relationship. The goal is long-term sustainability.

Third, this book is not about finding 'true happiness'. This book is about freeing your dating life and seeing the real potential in living life to it's fullest.

I start each course with an explanation of the singular importance of taking it one step at a time. The manifesto of a Sincere Seductionist is simple: Reality is subjective. All limiting beliefs will be bent or broken and you will come out of this with a profound perception of the world around you.

The steps and strategies can be used with incredible results – whether you have no experience or are a frequent seducer. Can you do everything that I've done in my dating life? Perhaps. Can you use the same principles to climb the dating ladder, skyrocket your self-confidence or get a great social life? Most definitely.

Here are the steps you'll use to reinvent yourself into the warrior of today's kingdom. You will start as a Squire, the poop shovelor of the empire; then move onto being the fledgling amateur Apprentice. Then finally, you shall become a Knight of the Realm and own all that is yours.

The Squire turns misguided dating advice upside down and introduces the rules and objectives of the Sincere Seductionist. It replaces conventional pickup advice with concepts such as the mastery curve and bringing a lady into your world. This section examines the mind and explains the fundamentals of the brain – what to do before we start trying to attract women.

The Apprentice uses the long forgotten notion of being straightforward to make approaching and talking to women an automatic process. This section examines the vital first few minutes of an interaction – approaching, talking and dates – with one awesome way to get her interested.

The Knight of the Realm brings everything in the last few sections together. This section delivers the concluding advanced moves such as one night stands, casual sex, falling in love and the elusive happiness trap. It's about the real significance of attraction in the first place.

Last but not least, much of what I recommend will seem impossible and even offensive to basic common sense – I expect that. Resolve now to test everything in this book whole-heartedly as an exercise in creative thinking. If you try it, you'll see how deep the possibilities go, and you won't ever go back.

Take a deep breath and let me show you the rabbit hole. I guarantee huge fun. Everything else is a bonus.

DAMIEN DIECKE

Sydney, Australia

February 29, 2013

# Table of Contents

Q & A — Skeptics Read This

My Story And Why You Need This Book

Table of Contents

Introduction

SQUIRE

Chapter 1. THE CODE OF SIR DAMIEN

PRACTICE WORKSHEET

Chapter 2. PLACES DAMSELS CONGREGATE

PRACTICE WORKSHEET

Chapter 3. CALLING FORTH COURAGE

PRACTICE WORKSHEET

Chapter 4. NOBLE QUESTS

PRACTICE WORKSHEET

APPRENTICE

Chapter 5. THE CLUTCH OF COWARDICE

Chapter 6. Meeting Maidens

PRACTICAL WORKSHEET

Chapter 7. CONVERSING WITH MAIDENS

PRACTICE WORKSHEET

Chapter 8. BUFFOONERY

PRACTICE WORKSHEET

Chapter 9. THE ART OF CHEEKY COURTSHIP

PRACTICAL WORKSHEET

Chapter 10. REQUESTING A LADY'S CONTACT

PRACTICAL WORKSHEET

Chapter 11. ARRANGING A TRYST

PRACTICE WORKSHEET

Chapter 12. WHAT TO DO ON A RENDEZVOUS

PRACTICE WORKSHEET

KNIGHT OF THE REALM

Chapter 13. DOING THE DEED WITH DIRTY DAMSELS

PRACTICE WORKSHEET

Chapter 14. FUN TWIXT THE SHEETS

PRACTICE WORKSHEET

Chapter 15. MATTERS OF LOVE

PRACTICE WORKSHEET
Chapter 16. HOW TO LIVE HAPPILY EVER AFTER

Reference Guide and Recommended Reading

About The Author

# Introduction

" _To Do Is To Be" — Socrates_

" _To Be Is To Do" — Plato_

" _Do Be Do Be Do" — Sinatra_

## ONCE UPON A TIME...

It all starts awkwardly. I am fifteen years old, and attending one of the most expensive and prestigious high schools in the country. As an all boys school filled with testosterone, the closest thing we had to female interaction was our 70 year old latin teacher Mrs Doherty.

I was also a rower. Rowing was a school sport and meant all the rowers were the coolest, most popular boys in the whole school. Except for me that is.

Every lunch hour, my not-so-cool friends and I would race to the computer room like bishops to a nunnery trying to get the fastest computer. If I got it, I would be the king of the computer room that day.

Being highly intelligent and sporty meant that my social groups were at odds with each other. I was a 'cool rower' and a 'complete nerd' at the same time. This meant that I didn't really fit in anywhere.

My not-so-cool friends would organise LAN parties. Whole groups of us would congeal in someone's basement with our computers, where amongst growing mountains of empty coke cans we'd play Warcraft until sleep deprivation drove us home days later. The only girls present were those in the porn we shared.

Despite being a rower, I was never invited to the 'cool' sports parties where there'd actually be real girls around.

One day when I was sixteen, word got around that there was a rowing party and all the rowers were invited. Whoever sent that word around must've forgotten not to invite me. Desperate to look cool, I procured some alcohol and drunk myself stupid that night. All I could remember was my mother picking me up from that party and torturing me by trying to get me to say tongue twisters on the drive home.

The next morning it felt like my head had been trampled by a stampede of prehistoric megafauna. But beyond the sledgehammer thudding, out of my pocket I pulled a scrap of paper with a phone number on it. I had no memory of ever being given it, but lo and behold there it was. I dialled the number nervously, heard the ringing that seemed to go on forever and Hallelujah!- there was a real girl on the other end! Heart thumping, voice cracking and palms sweating we started talking to one another. I had no idea what I was doing, but somehow, she liked me and we started dating.

Quickly, I noticed the girl was very intelligent as I for one could never win an argument against her. She could talk a Viagra-infused erection into standing down, and all that ball-busting experience eventually came in handy as she is now a successful lawyer. Regardless of this, our relationship started out fantastic. My parents taught me to always treat a lady well so I would do whatever she asked of me. I fulfilled her every wish, every single time.

But after eighteen months, everything began to go downhill. I could see she started to lose respect for me and treated me badly. The more I fulfilled her every wish, the more unreasonable her wishes became. After two years of dating, I decided I had suffered enough. I sat her down one day and told her I couldn't do it anymore, I wanted out. I'll never forget the look on her face. She thought about it for a second, then looked me dead in the eye and said 'NO'. So we dated for another two years.

Eventually after nearly four years, she finally broke up with me.

This breakup was absolute agony. The whole relationship was a merrygo-round that left me raw with huge amounts of resentment and anguish. So much so that soon after, I developed Severe Generalized Anxiety Disorder. I began to have severe panic attacks that could be triggered by anything. If I walked up the stairs too fast, I was scared I'd have a heart attack. If I didn't re-clean a glass before drinking out of it, I was terrified that I'd contract some sort of microbial disease. I wouldn't get far before I'd have a panic attack about something so I was trapped in my room for six long painful months. My only solace during that time was my DJ kit, and over time I became a decent disk jockey. I played most nights to a polite audience - mum and dad.

When I started to become claustrophobic in my room and couldn't take it anymore, I begged my parents to take me to the hospital. When they did, I was referred to some psychiatrists and as expected, they did what they do best – prescribe anti depressants. Being on anti depressants, my mood definitely changed. I no longer felt severely depressed. The problem was that I felt like I cared about nothing, so much so that I started to treat friends and family horribly to the point that I started stealing from them. I wasn't me at all and I didn't like who I was becoming. Realising it wasn't worth it, I made the hard decision to come off the anti depressants and as expected, I was trapped in my bedroom once again suffering panic attacks.

Motivated to find a permanent answer, I read every self-help book I could find. I read psychology books, motivational books, NLP books, Anthony Robbins' books, even religious books such as the Bible, Quran, and various Buddhist texts. I went on to try emotional freedom techniques, behavioral analysis techniques, neuro-linguistic programming techniques, ACT therapy techniques, and anything else I could get my hands on to try and put myself back together. Piece by piece, I put together a system that got me out of my bedroom.

When I finally did get out of my bedroom, all those special concerts I organised for mum and dad paid off and I got work at a bar as a DJ. As most of you are aware, being a DJ attracts female attention like your grandmother's clothing attracts hipsters. Not being the exception, ladies literally threw themselves at me and I didn't know how to handle it. One night, a woman approached me at the podium. 'Hey, how's your night going?' she said. 'I'm Shona. Do you want to come back to my place after you finish work?'

Scared out of my wits, I snuck out the back door of the club that night. I couldn't deal with all the pressure. I was getting out there and taking some steps in the right direction but my confidence was nowhere near where it needed to be.

A few weeks later, this guy started working at the bar where I worked. We got to talking and became friends. He was a corporate lawyer who just wanted to have heaps of fun. When we would hit the town together he would literally push me to walk over to the ladies with him, then introduce me and walk away, leaving me there to talk on my feet. He thought this was hilarious and I was so nervous most of the time, I would just fumble my words and stand there awkwardly looking around hoping he'd come back and put me out of my misery.

Eventually, I stopped being so nervous and got some success with consistent practice. Women began responding positively to me and I started to date. The only problem I faced was that my self-confidence was still very low. I was confused about why, and there were a lot of questions I didn't have answers to.

Even more confusing what that my friend, the corporate lawyer, was saying whatever he needed to say to get women into bed. He was glib, had a silver tongue, and was perfectly happy to lie, cheat and manipulate. If he thought something would bring a girl into his bedchamber, he did it. I can now admit that I did the same thing. At that point in my life, I was furious at all women. I still carried the festering wounds my first girlfriend had left me with. Women were all bitches- that's how I thought back then. So naturally, I did the same things as my friend- I learned to lie, cheat and manipulate like the best of them.

After a few months of loving and leaving women, an old friend recommended a book to me called 'The Way of The Superior Man' by David Deida. As I started reading this book, my stars started aligning and each of my questions were getting answered one by one. The book talked about what it (truly) meant to be a real man. It's not a chauvinistic book as the title may suggest; but rather it talks about how a superior man is one who is straightforward, doesn't lie, and always keeps to his word. It struck a chord with me in the most profound way and continues to be my favorite book of all time. A huge part of this book was also about appreciating women and acknowledging the amazing things a great woman can bring into a man's life. I loved everything about this book and I went on to find a community of men doing what is now called 'Men's Work'. I decided to do a life-changing course practicing Deida's principles that turned my whole life upside down. My feelings about women changed overnight. I cut out all lying, cheating and manipulating. Even my taste in women changed. Previously I preferred sweet, easy-to-get-along-with blondes that weren't terribly bright. Overnight, it changed into fiery, intelligent brunettes that were comfortable in their own skin and weren't afraid to let their feelings be known.

Once I became completely honest, both with myself and with everyone around me, that's when things really began to change. Surprisingly, women started to trust me and always knew where I stood. It was refreshing to be real and genuine and to talk and act without pretences. As an awesome side-effect, my confidence in myself shot through the roof – so much so that everyone around me started to sit up and take notice. When it came to being real, I looked back at the months I spent reading self help books and utilised this to perfect my attraction process with women. By using scientific methods, real-world practicality and testing, I came up with a process that worked beautifully. Not only did it work beautifully, nobody was getting hurt along the way. Hallelujah!

When I uncovered a strong community of men that wanted to get better with women in my area, I started testing my process by teaching them my structure and seeing if this also worked for them. At the time, I was a trainer at a large finance company and chose to teach guys about attracting women as a side project to let off some steam – for free of course. In three months, I realized I really loved it. My honesty structure was really taking off and getting fellas real results. I took a leap of faith and quit my job to pursue this passion. In three months, it became the largest dating coaching company in Australia for men. I believe it became this way because finally, men were able to be honest and stop the games. No man truly likes to hurt women and here I was offering a way fellas could get what they wanted and nobody would need to get hurt as a result. Pretty neat.

So speaking of honesty, I expect most of you reading this book don't have proper understanding of social interactions with women just yet. Never fear, you will learn. This book is meant for you!

And if I'm speaking honestly, I have to admit that learning to attract women has a bad reputation. Some men scoff at the idea of learning to do this. That's fair enough.

The truth is that courting a lady has become very complicated. There are no real guidelines on how to show interest in a lady, or how she can accept a man's affection without the risk of social ridicule.

It wasn't always this way. Before the industrial revolution, western culture used to have rules and rituals surrounding courtship so that young people learned how to woo partners. The older generation mentored them by having large dances and social gatherings at which everyone danced with everyone else so that (among other things) connecting with women outside your social circle was not a big issue. You were supposed to circulate and accept if someone asked to dance with you. It was considered rude not to.

Historically, we have lots of instances where societal rules encouraged communication between the sexes that led to courtship. Below are some examples of such rules; which made it easier for people to go about wooing a partner without leaving them open to ridicule.

– Victorian women let you down gently without anyone noticing. If a lady wasn't interested, she would use her trusty hand fan and rest it on her left cheek. In an era of politeness, rudely turning a man down was not an option. If the lady fanned herself slowly, she was already spoken for. If she fanned quickly, she was on the market for a possible suitor. If the fan rested on the right cheek, then Hallelujah! - she was interested in you.

– In 19th century rural Austria, women would shove apple slices under their armpits during dances. If some handsome man caught her eye, she would give him her sweaty apple slice. If he liked her back, he would eat this sweaty apple slice. It's pretty gross as far as courtship rituals go and I would never advocate for bringing it back (outside of weird fetish parties) but I love that the ladies were initiating the possible romance.

– A particularly suggestive example comes from 19th century Finland, where Finnish girls who had reached a marriageable age would wear empty sheaths on their girdles. If a man liked a girl, he would place a knife in her sheath. A girl would simply return his knife if she wasn't interested, but keeping his blade meant that she agreed to marry him (or at least allow him to sheath something else).

– In 17th century Wales, getting the wooden spoon was a good thing. Welsh men made intricately hand-carved wooden spoons to offer their crushes. If the lady accepted the spoon, the courtship was on.

– In 18th century England, young people had no privacy. Luckily they had an amazing invention called the courting stick. This six-foot-long hollow tube allowed young people to communicate from a safe distance while family members remained in the room to make sure there was nothing as scandalous as hand-holding going on.

Why did society stop these cues and leave us to figure it out on our own? When did it stop becoming a father's responsibility to teach his son how to attract the opposite sex? Why isn't it something that's taught as part of a young boy's school curriculum?

The truth is I don't know why. All I know is that it is necessary. A clear social cue that gets the opposite sex meeting one another would be amazing to have. Right now however, if men stopped approaching women and initiating courtship, our whole courtship system would break down to who we can meet through our social circle. Statistically, the odds of you meeting the right woman through friends is very small.

Women understand courtship far better than men. This is one of the reasons why ladies spend so much time on their appearance and really show their stuff when going out. It is our job as men to approach women. It just so happens that ladies make this job very easy by looking amazing.

When I'm out and about and a lady asks me what I do for a living, I'm honest and tell her I teach men how to attract women. They often respond with something like 'You mean like in that book where those guys lie and put women down in order to get them into bed?' I do understand why women have their guard up about these things. When they think about men trying to attract women, they think about those drunk guys in the clubs that have no respect and are often complete assholes. They think about every man that has ever lied to them and don't want some guy teaching more guys how to be like that. I get it completely. I don't want that either. The thing is that those drunk assholes at the bar don't need my help. They're the only ones approaching women at all and their method pays off more times than it really should. The guys that do solicit my help are

– Guys that come out of bad relationships and just need to get back into dating again.

– Men that spent all of their 20s focusing on their career, got to where they wanted to and now want to have some fun without wasting any more time.

– Shy introverts looking for more experience.

– Average guys who are sick of settling for girls they're not really interested in.

– Men who are already pretty good with women but want to excel and get the types of women they really want.

Or men like Sir Marshmallow...

Sir Marshmallow spends a lot of time taking care of his mum who has Multiple Sclerosis. He doesn't get many opportunities to be social because someone has to be home at all times to look after his mum. He wants to use every second he has free to have fun and get beautiful women in his life.

Or guys like Sir Appleslice...

Sir Appleslice's brother is seriously mentally ill and still living with the family. Sir Appleslice always believed he'd never have a partner because no woman would want someone whose brother was mentally ill and whom he'd have to take care of at some points throughout his life. Seeing firsthand the kindness of women pushed him to believe otherwise. He is now happily dating.

Or someone like Sir Rumball...

Sir Rumball is a good-looking guy. He also has a medical condition that he has to take chemotherapy tablets for. When he takes them, he suffers bloating which affects his ability to move around. He didn't think he could ever meet a girl that would be willing to put up with his condition.

Fortunately for us men, when we fail to see the beauty in ourselves, women have the ability to show us that beauty.

When we push through our limiting beliefs and see the light at the end of the tunnel, it's an amazing feeling. You smile everywhere you go and your happiness is infectious. Do you think Sir Marshmallow, Sir Appleslice and Sir Rumball don't deserve to feel this way? Of course they do. Same goes for all the other men who want to be happy, feel loved, and have control over their dating lives.

In fact, it's not just their dating lives that gets sorted. Something very interesting also happens.

Once these guys start getting some control in one area, they start wanting to change their whole life for the better.

This is what psychologists call the Locus of Control.

Right now you have certain things that are within your control – for example showering every day, how you travel to work and what you eat for breakfast. This is your comfort zone. Everything you would like to achieve and haven't yet is outside it with varying degrees of difficulty. This could be attracting women, asking your boss for a raise, travelling to Europe, starting a company or leaping out of a plane.

## LOCUS POCUS

The thing I see is that once these guys start to expand their comfort zone to include attracting women for example, the side effect is that things outside of attracting women- such as starting a side project or asking for a raise for example- will suddenly start to seem easier to accomplish.

This is the secret to how you can get control over your life. This is also how attracting women will affect the other areas of your life. Here are some examples of specific skillsets you'll learn and the ways they can apply to your everyday life:

– Quickly building rapport with women will mean that when you go to job interviews, you can apply the same principles to get your dream job by quickly building rapport with the interviewer.

– Dealing with women testing you. This will help you get perspective when people think they're better than you either in your personal or your professional life.

– Having engaging stories will make you more likeable, ensure people remember you and is also an incredibly useful tool in your career when networking.

– Selling yourself is invaluable for selling an idea, showing great leadership skills and inspiring others to believe in you. The above are just a few examples. Some of my students have truly amazed me over the years with what they have accomplished just by applying the principles in this book.

I'll share some stories with you.

By employing the same goal setting and consistency principles in the book, Sir Easteregg went from a flabby guy with 18% body fat down to 5%. He did this by going to the gym, doing yoga and eating well. His abs look great and he's happy to show them off to anyone that wants a look.

Sir Sherbert realized that he didn't have a lot of passion in his life. He always wanted to be a writer but got sidetracked at an IT job he hated. He made the tough decision to leave his job and start pursuing his passion for writing. He is now an intern for a startup and writes funny marketing articles for their blog. He is also working on a book as we speak. He earns very little money but he's the happiest I have ever seen him.

Sir Jellybean had two older brothers who teased him mercilessly over the years. When they found out he was learning to attract women, naturally he took some more bullying. But then something else happened- Sir Jellybean became really good at attracting beautiful women. What did his brothers do? They called my assistant to try and organize an appointment for them to meet me and find out what I had done with their brother. Sir Jellybean was over the moon about finally winning out against them. This improved their relationship and the whole family gets along better as a result.

This is what this whole thing was about for me – putting some Awesomeness in people's lives.

One more side effect from attracting women is you can expect some hilarious outcomes that make an awesome story.

So I present to you the Tale of Sir Raisintoast.

Sir Raisintoast was in the kingdom of Malaysia when he met a gorgeous damsel with the kind of breasts Shakespeare would write about. He was so excited he texted me soon after he met her. He continued to text me with updates on how the courtship was progressing, and last I heard was they were passionately locking lips with each other. Then the texts stopped coming. I didn't hear from him again until he got back to Australia. When I casually asked him how it went, he didn't want to tell me, and then admitted that they were in a quiet corner and he slid his hands up her dress where he surprisingly discovered a raging hard-on! He freaked out and left. We all had a jolly laugh about it, and I mentioned to him this was not the only time a student of mine has been 'surprised'.

I'll share one of my funny moments with you too.

I met two girls on the beach and went back to their place for lunch. After lunch, they told me to wait in the lounge as they wanted to get something prepared that they thought I would like. Naturally, I was high-fiving myself expecting a threesome. They came out to me with a box. My eyes widened with expectation of what goodies would be inside. Each one sat on either side of me as they opened the box of goodies. Turned out to be three bibles inside for each of us to read. Imagine my disappointment!

There are hundreds of 'embarrassing' and 'funny' stories I can tell you but you need to go out and get some of your own. Stories like these come from experience and lots of it. Let's get you some shall we?
SQUIRE

# Chapter 1. THE CODE OF SIR DAMIEN

_Cosmo Kramer: Do you have any conceivable reason for even getting up in the morning?_

George Costanza: I like to get the Daily News.

Hark now. Grab a mug of ale, put your feet up, and let me tell you the tale of Sir Butterscotch.

Sir Butterscotch decided to dedicate a full year to learning how to attract women. He did what you would have expected. He spent every free minute he had reading all the information he could find. He found other knights working on attracting women that he could ride out with. He focused on forcing himself to just approach and talk to women.

In the beginning, Sir Butterscotch broke new ground. He started approaching women which he had never done before and even managed to get a couple of phone numbers. He felt like he was making real progress.

Then something else happened.

All of a sudden, he hit a plateau. He suddenly stopped improving. He got frustrated and saw guys he knew were worse than him suddenly start to outdo him and get better results with women. He wondered what the heck was going on! This shouldn't be happening. After all, he was dedicating more time into attracting women than these guys were. He pushed himself harder than anyone else and got very little results. Sir Butterscotch was mad and understandably so.

Fact is, like Butterscotch, most of us have very little experience in mastering anything. In his book 'Mastery: The Keys to Success and Long Term Fulfillment' George Leonard introduces the concept of the Mastery Curve.

## Mastery Curve

George Leonard was in the US Air Corps and later went on to obtain a 5th Degree Black Belt in Aikido. It was while he was honing his martial arts skills that the concept of Mastery took hold for him. As he watched students come and go, he found most gave up eventually and only a very few were really willing to put in the energy required to really master martial arts.

This was when the concept of the Mastery Curve came to him. It looks like this:

When it comes to mastering anything, you must understand that improvement does not go in an upward direction but rather (with consistent action) forms a pattern. You start with a plateau, where you don't improve and your progress remains static. Then you move up quite a bit, then fall off a little, then plateau for a while, then move up again, then fall off a little, then plateau for a while, and so on.

By understanding this and recognizing where you are in your success with women, you can continue to keep perspective and know that with consistent changes, you are bound to get better. This applies to everything. This is how world-class athletes master their sport and also why they tend to be fantastic at business. It's because they understand and love the plateau.

In his book, Leonard talks about what I see too often. When we don't push ourselves to understand and love the mastery curve, we tend to adopt one of three behavior types:

## 1. THE DABBLER

###

Dabblers are a fountain of energy at the beginning. Their initial progress is shown off to friends and anyone who will listen. Their mind fills up with notions like 'This is the answer for me!' and 'I've found the one true way!' Then the fall from the peak comes as a surprise.

When this happens, the Dabbler rationalizes this to be a set of fllaws that just makes the system imperfect. Then the Dabbler tries another system/method. Then when the new system doesn't work, he tries another one. And so on. Dabblers never stick to any one method of doing anything for long. These guys tend to have a long resume; they are most enthusiastic at the beginning and tend to be easily disappointed.

## 2. THE OBSESSIVE

##

Obsessives don't settle for second best. They are highly results-oriented and want to get everything right on the first try. These guys tend to stay after class to speak to the instructor and constantly seek to learn new things from books, CD's, videos – whatever they can get their hands on. When the Obsessive reaches a plateau, he re-doubles his efforts and pushes himself mercilessly because he sees it as a sign of laziness or weakness. These guys are also tempted to take shortcuts in return for quick results. Progress is a bunch of brief spurts, then a very sharp downhill spiral as exhaustion sets in.

## 3. THE HACKER

##

Hackers are happy to stay on the plateau indefinitely. They're never really interested in mastery at all, just getting a little bit of improvement and hanging out with fellow Hackers. This is the guy who stays in the same job for years without promotion. It could be the doctor who doesn't bother going to professional meetings or the tennis player who makes do with a ragged backhand. The Hacker has a habit of settling for 'good enough'. In relationships, he never expects to have to change. He has little interest in self-development and a devil-may-care attitude.

Most people have a mixture of these in certain situations however most have a dominant learning characteristic.

The key to mastery is learning to _love the plateau_. You will only love the plateau when:

You learn to enjoy the process of working on yourself rather than only recognising achievement when you gain specific external outcomes. The motivation must be intrinsic (comes from within the self) not extrinsic (success metrics).

You genuinely enjoy what you are doing. Attracting women must be enjoyable or you'll never get to where you want to be.

You learn to always live on your edge.

You start failing consistently. You must be experimenting with new things and learning from your failures.

You work hard but know when to rest.

You understand that there are no quick-fixes. Mastery takes time.

Matthew Syed talks about this in his book ' _Bounce: The myth of talent and the power of practice_ '. He says "Sure world class athletes may have had pushy parents and coaches, however unless they learn to LOVE what they're doing, they'll never master any sport. The love must be internal and no amount of forceful pushing will get you to master anything."

You must learn to be always on the edge of what you feel you are capable of doing. If you sit back and rest for too long, you'll fall into the trap of spending lots of time out in the field learning nothing at all. Your edge is what keeps you alive; it is what makes you put in your all. Once you know you've put in your all, you sleep amazingly.

If you're not failing with women, you're not pushing hard enough. Part of loving the plateau is also loving rejection. Whilst it may feel so at the time, getting rejected is not degrading. It's not a sign your life is on the scrapheap. Getting rejected is truly a badge of honor. It should be made clear it is practically impossible to attract every woman in the world. You will get rejected even as a master. I myself get rejected all the time.

It's not about getting rejected; it's about how you get over it that makes you confident. In fact, my students often like to share stories of rejection and compete for who got rejected the worst out of the group. It's always funny and reminds us never to take ourselves too seriously.

Be aware that change takes a lot of work. But once change has taken place, you can keep the effects of that change without a lot of work necessary.

When you plateau and your frustrations begin to get the better of you, take a week off from attracting women. I imagine you're probably in a rush to be great with women quickly and don't want to 'waste' any more time but you must understand that change takes consistent time. There's no such thing as an amazing 'method' or 'technique' that will give you a quick fix. When you accept this, you will make your life a lot less stressful by taking time out when you need to and accepting the things that are happening. And maybe, just maybe you'll learn to enjoy yourself.

When Sir Butterscotch came to me, he was near the end of his tether. All his high spirits had disappeared and he just couldn't understand what was happening. On top of not getting any better, it seemed aspects that he excelled at just a few weeks ago were now beyond him all of a sudden. All his fears came back and seemed to him like they were there to stay and make his life miserable.

Sitting in my office, he told me his story. I asked him a range of questions to find out where he was going wrong. Aside from not appreciating the mastery curve, Butterscotch had some other problems.

Here is a snippet of my conversation with him:

_Me_ : What is your end goal? What do you want from women?

_Butterscotch_ : I need to know how to get women so that when I find 'the One', I can get her.

_Me_ : So you don't want to get laid. Just to find the right girl for you?

_Butterscotch_ : Oh no. I would love to get laid also.

_Me_ : So you wouldn't mind either?

_Butterscotch_ : Yes.

_Me_ : Aha. So when you go out and you see a girl, what do you want from her?

_Butterscotch_ : Hmm... probably sex.

_Me_ : And you're letting her know you just want sex?

_Butterscotch_ : Oh no. Of course not.

_Me_ : Hmm...what kind of techniques have you been using?

_Butterscotch_ : I've been reading all kinds of information from books and forums and trying everything.

_Me_ : Aha...how often are you practicing?

_Butterscotch_ : Well, as often as I can. I try for once a week unless I get caught up.

_Me_ : And how much are you practicing when you're out?

_Butterscotch_ : Um...I approach maybe three girls a night.

_Me_ : Are you sober when you're doing this?

_Butterscotch_ : No.

_Me_ : Are you picking the right girls?

_Butterscotch_ : Definitely. I'm picking the best looking girls I can find.

_Me_ : And how are you approaching?

_Butterscotch_ : Well I'm asking them if I can buy them a drink.

_Me_ : Are you then asking them for their number?

_Butterscotch_ : Sometimes, if I think I have a chance.

_Me_ : Be honest with me, are you pushing yourself to get good with women?

_Butterscotch_ : I like to think so but probably not...

Here's a list of Butterscotch's mistakes. All of these are common mistakes guys make every day.

He was giving women mixed messages

He was using someone else's 'method'

He wasn't pushing his edge

He wasn't being the best version of himself

He stopped engaging in meaningful practice

He was wasting a lot of time

He wasn't persistent in getting phone numbers

He moved straight to approaching stunning girls without enough experience with less intimidating girls

He was paying women for their time by buying them drinks/ dinner

He was drinking alcohol when approaching ladies

He didn't go out consistently to work on this stuff

He read too much theory

Just like Butterscotch, most guys I meet want to meet that amazing woman to grow old with – but they wouldn't mind getting heaps of sex until they find her.

Women think that men just want sex. The truth is that men are just as eager to find a partner as women are. However we men are more willing to engage in casual sex relationships along the way.

This is fine, except too many guys give women mixed messages about what they want – a relationship or casual sex. Mixed messages can cause loss of interest and burn an interaction. When broadcasting to women "I'm not sure if I want sex or if I want a relationship", you'll likely end up doing one of two things:

– Show a woman how you're relationship material, then tell her that you actually want sex. This makes her feel stupid if she starts seeing you as a boyfriend.

– Cause a potential one night stand to believe you couldn't handle having a one night stand, and thus miss out on the opportunity.

The surest way to avoid these scenarios is by being honest about your intentions. As a rule of thumb, people will respond to you once you're clear about what you want.

On the other hand, I understand. You don't want to scare women off right? Just coming up and saying "Oh hey, I'm really only looking to get laid, so take it or leave it honey" is probably going to get you a one way ticket to crash and burn town. However, if you said:

"You know, I love being single. Its great not having to worry about anyone else, and I get to be selfish every day. It's brilliant."

Or perhaps:

"You know... I made myself a promise after my last relationship that I was going to stay out of a relationship for a while and just focus on my career and getting to know myself ".

When you broadcast these facts to a woman, you are essentially letting her know that you're not boyfriend material. You'll be amazed at how many women will agree with you wanting to be single, support you and admit they are doing the same thing; then continue to keep flirting with you. You've just gotten your message across and the lady knows what you're looking for.

Pretty awesome right?

But what about the ones who lose interest when you say that?

Then congratulations! (Hooray. Fanfare. Explosions.) You just saved yourself a whole lot of time and effort with a woman who wasn't looking for the same thing you were.

Being honest and straightforward with women is the foundation of how you will build self-confidence when attracting women. You will only be honest with women when you can convey your true intentions to her.

This is why you must pick one end goal to start with.

What are you looking for?

A long-term relationship (a woman to spend your life with)

OR

Getting laid (casual sex relationships and one night stands)

Having a clear idea of what your end goal is right now will make the attraction process much less confusing for you and for the ladies you meet.

If you are struggling to decide which you really want right now, or feel like you want both, then I suggest you choose getting laid as the ultimate starting point.

Why?

Two good reasons for this are:

Men that have lots of short relationships with women can use that knowledge to understand themselves; what they like, what they don't like, their tastes in women, what turns them on, what turns them off and so on. This gives you control and clarity when the right lady does come along. With divorce rates so high, it's crucial we make good decisions when choosing a life partner and this can only happen when we have enough experience to understand what our strengths and weaknesses are and what we like and don't like. Focusing on sex is the perfect training ground for the ultimate goal – finding that amazing woman.

It is always possible to move from having casual sex to a committed long-term relationship. It is far more difficult to move a serious relationship back to casual sex.

Some men have no interest in one-night stands/casual sex relationships for various reasons, which I understand. If you pick long-term relationships as your goal, your end point is not to get a lady into bed but rather to get ladies out on dates and begin relationships.

If your goal is to have more sex rather than have a long-term relationship, start by aiming to go on dates and pursue sex on dates only. It's better for you than aiming for one-night stands, as one-night stands take much longer to master than dating. There's also more control on dates and you will have a better success rate. By focusing on having sex on dates, you can build up your experience and confidence very quickly.

But you might also be like Sir Candycane.

Sir Candycane came to me already having a long-term casual sex partner. His goal was to try and find girls willing to join them for more exploration. His goal was to try and sleep with girls open to threesomes and other exciting sexual adventures, and then introduce them to his long-term casual partner.

This is one example of an end goal that isn't specifically mentioned. I mention Candycane because I want to highlight that even if the end goal is a little 'outside the box', the advice in this book still applies.

Once you've chosen your goal, continue reading.

## THE CODE OF SIR YOU (YES, YOU)

If I said to you 'I have a Damien method and I'll teach you how I did it', the trouble I face is that my strengths and weaknesses are very different to yours. For example, I'm a fantastic public speaker, can talk underwater, and I'm not too shabby at _Starcraft_. I never had to learn how to be funny because in my family we always made fun of one another and injected humor into every situation. You do not have my strengths, you do not look like me and you do not behave like me – so there's little reason for me to think that you could learn how to attract women like me. It's simply shortsighted for me to assume that. Sure you can learn how to be like me but then the ladies would never get to see what makes YOU awesome.

Sir Butterscotch read everything he could on everyone else's 'method' of attracting women. By using their methods, he was never able to be himself and couldn't show his real strengths. This is an okay short-term solution, but a couple of minutes into your initial meeting you have to start building a connection with the lady. How will you do that if you're not really being yourself? Once the 'method' runs out, it's difficult to transition into 'Okay I'm going to be me now'.

There is also a false belief within men that in order to attract women, you have to be an 'alpha male'. This makes me chuckle because we haven't had to beat a lady over the head with a mallet and drag her into our cave for a very long time. Besides, scientists believe that this was never the case in all of human history – 'alpha' men did not necessarily get the girl.

Species of animals which have the stereotypical 'alpha male gets all the women' thing going on are very easy to identify- just look at the size difference between their bodies. Take the silverback gorilla for example. One big strong male, not too bright but stronger than all the other guys, gets to beat his chest, look scary and screw all the female gorillas (lucky guy). Male gorillas are much, much larger than female gorillas since their fighting characteristics have caused them to evolve this way. Human males on the other hand aren't that much larger than human females, only slightly. But most notably, animals that have single dominant males sleeping with all the women have... wait for it... INCREDIBLY tiny penises and testes! In fact gorilla testes are nowhere to be seen as they are small enough to hide INSIDE the body. So next time a man tells you that you have to be the alpha male to get women, feel bad for him and his tiny package.

The best way to get better with women is to focus on the areas that will push you into being the best version of yourself and work hard to stick with it.

Complex animals (especially highly social animals) always have multiple dating strategies even in the wild. This means that for humans, there is more than one way to make women attracted to you. You have to pick up with the strategy that you were born with because if you try to adopt an 'alpha' strategy when this isn't your personality, you are bound to make life harder for yourself. This doesn't mean you cannot adopt an alpha personality and still get women. I'm sure you can. However it just means that alpha women tend to be attracted to alpha men and anyone but the extremely dominant male will absolutely HATE the dominant female. She is the demanding, constantly pushy woman that takes no crap from anyone. She will test you your whole life, and generally make you want to buy a gun and shoot yourself in the face - unless you are the right type of male.

It's true we often see very 'alpha' style men out attracting women successfully however the reality is that women are primarily responding to the fact that these men have courage and backbone to even approach. Women in general are desperately seeking intelligent, considerate and emotionally open men who also have backbone and courage but unfortunately, they have to settle for lack of options. This is why you need to be yourself and show women how awesome you are. This is how you will win.

Choosing to use your own personality and adopt a method of your own also means that you have a better chance of attracting the kind of woman you really like. After all, that's what this whole thing is about isn't it?

You will find your own method under some strict basic rules.

## RULE NUMBER 1:

## THOU SHALT BE HONEST WITH WOMEN

I make this rule not because I'm making a moral case but because I'm concerned with guys getting the best results possible when they're trying to attract women. We have this habit of misrepresenting ourselves by trying to appear cooler, more popular, wealthier, more intelligent, more successful, more creative, or more whatever. The list just goes on. We also have a habit of trying to hide our intentions with women by either failing to mention what we want or talking as though we want what we think the woman wants when it's the complete opposite of what we are really looking for.

By being honest, there will be a number of side effects:

### First: Thine confidence will rise up

Lying is one of the fastest ways to erode your self-esteem. Every time you lie to a woman to get some sort of result, regardless of how successful you are, your subconscious is aware you had to lie to get there. What you actually do is re-enforce a negative belief about your value as a human being as you had to lie, cheat or manipulate in order to get a girl attracted to you.

Even if you get a girl's number and she says, "You are such a cool guy, I'm so happy to have met you", you will get an instant response in your subconscious that says, "That's nice to hear, but what she doesn't know is [whatever you lied about]..." We never internalize a compliment when we know it's fake and thus our confidence goes nowhere. Instead if you can be honest about who you are and not lie about your intentions to a woman, you start to re-enforce a faith in who you are as a human being and your confidence in yourself will go up steadily. If you can be truly honest with a lady and she still likes you, this is massive boost to your self confidence. Nothing is more self validating.

### Second: Thou wilt begin to believe thou deserves the gorgeous damsels thou art wooing

One of the problems for a lot of guys is that we don't really feel like we deserve the women we are trying to attract. We have this niggling feeling deep down inside that we want things from her, but have nothing to offer her in return.

Most men with difficulty approaching ladies concede that they'd have no problem approaching a woman if they were carrying a briefcase with a million dollars in it.

A large part of difficulty approaching women is your feeling that you don't deserve the woman. It's also easy for most men to talk with women in the workplace because in most workplace interactions with women, the men feel like they have something to offer in exchange - information, goods, services etc. But when the product is the man himself, then his lack of self-confidence gets in the way.

As you start being honest with women, every time you get a compliment, a phone number or a really positive reaction, your self-worth is going to increase because the positive response/compliment was all a direct result of the real you, the raw human being without the fake pretense. As your self confidence goes up, and your belief that any woman would be lucky to have you in their lives, something magical suddenly begins to occur....

### Third: Thine success with women will rise to the heavens

We all know that women like guys who are confident in themselves, and we all know that a man who believes he has something of value to offer a woman is likely to sub-communicate that in the way he interacts with her- and women will correspondingly be attracted to him. Once you become comfortable in your own skin, you'll talk differently, you'll walk differently and everything in your demeanor will get aligned with the confident version of yourself. It's a huge thrill to see that moment when it happens and it's amazing to feel that way yourself.

It must be mentioned that the honesty rule has a 'don't be an asshole' caveat. Don't tell women their ass looks fat in those jeans. It's likely you'll be on the ground painfully clutching your balls sooner or later. Instead say something like 'I love your ass but I don't think those jeans show it off properly.' or 'Honestly, I've seen much better jeans on you.' There are plenty of ways to be honest without hurting anyone's feelings.

## RULE NUMBER 2:

## THOU SHALT ALWAYS PUSH THINE EDGE

This was one of the biggest mistakes Butterscotch made. Once he started getting some success, his friends started to see it and wanted to know his secrets. They said things like 'Man, you're so lucky' or 'Dude, you got some talent'. This happened because most of us choose to see the top of the iceberg without delving into the huge amount of work that goes into the making. According to Syed in his book 'Bounce', this is called the Iceberg Illusion. People see the 'lucky' aspect of success and don't consider the blood, sweat and tears. This made Butterscotch complacent and created a sense of entitlement for his success. As a result, when he hit a plateau and couldn't seem to get women to react to him positively if his life depended on it, it was because he stopped pushing his edge. He didn't want people to see him get rejected.

It is impossible for a person never to get rejected. This is why we must be aware that if we feel as though everyone thinks we're awesome, we're less likely to put ourselves out there, own up to mistakes or push our limits to be better. This is also why when someone mentions how amazing you are, always take the compliment and respond with 'Thanks man, but I've worked my ass off for it'. This will give you an opportunity to impart some wisdom, get your ego back in check and remind yourself that there's still a lot of work to do.

This is the right time to tell you that the key to increasing self-confidence is overcoming doubt and fear by taking positive action in spite of it.

Let me repeat that.

The key to increasing self-confidence is overcoming doubt and fear by taking positive action in spite of it.

"Feel the fear and do it anyway" is the mantra here.

Pushing your edge is how you grow and go on to greater levels of success with women, by allowing yourself to overcome and master the areas that are currently your sticking points.

The greatest learning is made at the margin. By really stretching yourself, you break your misconceptions about what is possible and go beyond them quickly.

Alternatively, if you are not pushing yourself and just doing the things you can already accomplish over and over, you are not growing; you are plateauing and will remain static on the learning curve. If you do this for too long you face the danger of spending lots of time in the field and not learning anything at all, or even worse- regressing. Pushing ourselves hard allows us to get better at a faster rate. It also allows us to feel alive.

Consider Sir Fairyfloss.

After Sir Fairyfloss' first time coming out with me, we were outside the club on a busy road discussing the night. He was telling me how he thought the night had gone. He mentioned that he'd like to just be able to push himself to try things even if they didn't work.

He wanted to know where his limitations were. Fair enough I thought.

Serendipitously, two lovely damsels passed us on the street. One of them had her boobs pushed up for all the world to see. I said, "Okay, go up to those girl, apologize for the rude question but say you just have to know whether those boobs are real or you'll never be able to sleep.' He laughed and did just that. Fortunately, the girl was flattered. She said they were 'Definitely real'. Sir Fairyfloss just stood there shocked that she had responded so well. I interjected and said 'Are you sure? I don't think Sir Fairyfloss quite believes you'. She moved towards him and said 'Here, feel them.' And that was the first night Sir Fairyfloss felt a girl's boobs within one minute of meeting her.

Sir Fairyfloss loved that moment and that was just the beginning for him. As he became better at attracting women, he always focused on pushing his edge and just seeing where it took him.

Once you build a habit of pushing your edge, it will start becoming more comfortable for you. As you become familiar with the process, you will start to push your edge in every other area of your life - career, hobbies, business, etc.- as I mentioned before at the start of this book.

## RULE NUMBER 3:

## THOU SHALT BRING A LADY INTO THINE REALM

Women will test you in every area of your life because they want to see how committed you are to yourself. They may push you to delay things like writing that book you've always wanted to write or urge you to skip your gym sessions so you can hang out with them. This happens often when we are in a relationship and it will happen when we hang out regularly with a girl that's a casual sex partner.

Sacrificing the things you love doing or have to do in order to improve yourself will hurt you in the long run. It will also leave you with nothing to fall back on if the relationship ends. _Always bring the lady into your world._ She will respect you for having boundaries and support your efforts to make yourself better.

There is no excuse for letting the things you need to do fall by the wayside every time you are with a woman. If it suits, invite her to come along with you as you do the things you need to do.

Sir Butterscotch was not focusing on being true to himself and allowing ladies to be a part of his life but rather he did whatever necessary to try to 'get' women. This included moving his gym sessions around for dates, stopping his strict diet, not seeing his close friends very often and discontinuing his work on side projects that made him happy. This is a huge mistake and will leave your confidence shattered with nothing else to fall back on for support when it all falls apart - as it did for Butterscotch.

## RULE NUMBER 4:

## THOU SHALT APPROACH EVERYONE

Approach every female you see when you're out and get to know her. If you don't do this, you'll get stuck trying to pick the right girl to approach, which can waste a lot of time and get you out of your positive state. Start the moment you get to your spot and build momentum until you achieve your goal.

The key to remember about this point is it's not just about doing this with cute girls. You're building a skill set here, and it's better to practice with anyone rather than just wait around for cute girls. Attracting women is the same no matter how cute she is. When you are practicing, you are really just focusing on perfecting different skill sets, not just trying to date or have sex. You can work on rapport with any woman, not JUST those you really like. If you master rapport with an average girl, it will be much easier when you see a cute girl to simply repeat the process.

When Butterscotch would get to the place where he was approaching girls, he would waste a lot of time trying to pick a girl to approach. The 'not enough girls around' excuse led to him wasting a lot of time. Even though he was dedicating more time to attracting women, he was wasting a lot of that time standing around twiddling his thumbs.

He should have been like Sir Lollipop. Sir Lollipop holds the record for getting the most phone numbers in four hours. He got ten solid numbers by becoming an approach machine. He approached any cute girl he saw and just got on a roll. These numbers were all convertible into text message replies and dates. I was so proud watching him do it.

## RULE NUMBER 5:

## THOU SHALT UNDERSTAND THE IMPORTANCE OF PERSISTENCE

Fighting for what you want in your life is important and women love a man that knows what he wants and isn't afraid to get it. Throughout this book, persistence is discussed more than a few times to highlight how important it is. Keep pushing for what you want until there is absolutely no way you can get it. Persistence is not about getting a lady to do anything she doesn't want to do – it's about the ability to persist when she can tilt either way, hopefully meaning she will tilt in your favor.

For example:

I'm on a diet to reduce my body fat content.

I come home from work one night and my girlfriend is sitting on the couch eating a big piece of chocolate cake. She kisses me and says, 'Hey sweetie, this chocolate cake is amazing. You want some?'

I say 'No thanks baby. I'm on a diet'.

I watch her enjoying herself eating the cake. She starts making all sorts of semi-orgasmic noises as she bites into the chocolate.

A little while later she says 'Seriously babe, this is the best chocolate cake I've had in a long time. Are you sure you don't want some?'

Again, I look at the cake, perhaps drool on the carpet a little, then say 'No I really shouldn't baby'.

A short time after, she says 'I'm on my last bite baby. Are you absolutely sure you don't want some?'

I look at her plate of cake and say 'Oh alright, I'll have some'.

This is a great example of how persistence works. My girlfriend (the vile temptress!) could clearly see I wanted that chocolate cake. She persisted a little and it didn't take long for me to cave in. Now if I had no interest in chocolate cake, no amount of her persistence would work on me. This is the same with attracting women. If the lady wants to give you her number but feels maybe she shouldn't, persistence will work. If she has no interest in you – your persistence will come across as irritating and annoying. Either way, it's important that you persist.

When girls weren't sure about giving Butterscotch their number, he wasn't being persistent enough in asking for it. He would sometimes leave conversations without asking for a number or take the first rejection as a sign that the girl wasn't interested.

## RULE NUMBER 6:

## THOU SHALT TAKE ONE STEP AT A TIME

This is the common case of 'too much too quickly' and I see it happening far too often. I'm a rock-climber. When I bring a male friend to rock-climb for the first time in their life, they always want to go all Spiderman and sprint straight up the tallest wall. This tires them out quickly and creates frustration later on when they can't climb anymore.

When Butterscotch started out, he had a dream of dating that catwalk model as most men do when they start. Butterscotch went straight to trying to attract them and ended up frustrated when he got turned down. When you make the mistake of having impossibly "high standards" and only try to attract catwalk models, your efforts will frustrate you. Start with cute girls with great personalities and date your way to the top.

It's a simple and necessary process to crawl before you walk, walk before you run, and run before you try anything you saw done during Cirque du Soleil. By focusing on attracting average women first, your brain will give you less interference and self-doubt. Once we discover a pattern for how to behave when attracting average women, all we have to do to attract very beautiful women is behave in exactly the same way. Beautiful women aren't actually much harder to pick up; the problem is that we suddenly become a lot more nervous and jittery. If you start with a really solid base of experience behind you, it will be much easier to migrate the skills you've built up with average women to the real stunning ones.

A good example of this mistake is Sir Meringue. Sir Meringue got frustrated at me because I wouldn't focus on his ability to sexually escalate in his first training session until he could do three good approaches for me first. He pressed me to teach him how to make all sorts of saucy suggestions when he couldn't even say 'hello' properly.

This is a classic case of wanting to run before you walk and happens all too often.

## RULE NUMBER 7:

## THOU SHALT NEVER PROMISE A LADY YOUR COFFERS

It's so common for men to feel like they ought to be buying a woman drinks when they first meet her, or take her out to fancy restaurants on dates. In reality this usually comes across as 'needy' behavior.

There is certainly nothing wrong with doing nice things for women, but it all comes down to when and why you do these things. Offering to buy a woman a drink 'just because' is taking the easy way out. Besides, you are unlikely to get anywhere by buying her time as opposed to just being your charming self.

If a woman outwardly says to you 'buy me a drink', never say no. A good response is to make a game of it.

E.G: 'I'll tell you what. I'll give you three guesses. If you can guess my occupation, I'll buy you a drink. If you get it wrong, you buy me a drink.' If she guesses correctly, she's won her drink fair and square. Besides, there's a lot you both can talk about depending on what she guesses.

If you're talking to a lady for a while, she's fun to talk to and both your drinks run out, it makes sense to pick up the tab this time. The point I make is that your personality should impress her, not your wallet. If you use your wallet and a woman does get impressed, I would argue that's not the type of woman you want in your life.

When Butterscotch got desperate, he turned to his wallet and started asking women if he could buy them a drink. He bought women drinks or dinner in order to get them to spend time with him. Imagine what this did to his self-confidence - believing that the only way he could get women to respond to him was by bringing out his wallet.

## RULE NUMBER 8:

## THOU SHALT NOT IMBIBE ALES OR LIQUORS

Sir Butterscotch was drinking alcohol when trying to attract women.

Our body's natural learning state is at its best when we are sober. Even a small amount of alcohol can inhibit sub-conscious learning processes that teach us vital skills such as social calibration, humor, and teasing. After all, we want to learn as much as possible in the shortest amount of time required.

Also, our memories are largely state-dependent. We remember things well in the same state that we first learnt them in. If you want to be drunk every time you try and attract women, then you will only remember what you learned when you are drunk. This is a terrible way to go as your memory and perception is seriously impaired after only a few drinks.

Besides, think of the power being sober gives you. Going into a club sober while everyone else is drunk is like going to a trivia night with the whole of Wikipedia memorized. And anyway, no girl wants to meet a guy whilst he's drunk.

I share the Tale of Sir Caramel

Sir Caramel was a nice guy except he always felt like he needed to drink in order to attract damsels. Instead of pushing himself, he wanted to slosh vast quantities of ale down his gullet. Drinking covered up his insecurities and gave him the courage he didn't want to bother getting whilst sober. This tale turns out as expected. Sir Caramel struggled to gain trust from women and as he got drunk, he stopped caring. Eventually he stopped drinking when he saw his friends getting better with women. It was hard but he eventually understood the importance of this.

Instead learn from Sir Killerpython

One day, Sir Killerpython tells me excitedly that since he stopped drinking he's saved a huge amount of money and feels a lot healthier. He also finds women respond to him much better and that he actually remembers a lady's name when he wakes up next to her in bed the next morning. As an Irishman from the countryside, he was drinking since he was a 'wee warthog' so I'm amazed he stopped drinking completely and continues to do so. If an Irish guy can do it, so can you.

## RULE NUMBER 9:

## THOU SHALT PRACTICE CONSISTENCY

Once you decide to go out and work on attracting women, the most important thing you can do is to be consistent. Because our brain is supremely lazy, we need to create new neural connections- otherwise our brain constantly falls back to what requires the least brainwork. This means that in the beginning, you will see a cute girl and won't approach, as this requires the least amount of effort. With consistent effort, you will teach yourself that the easiest thing you'll do is approach. Once you create this new pattern, it takes cognitive effort _not_ to approach. Once a student has developed a new pattern of always approaching women, it causes them real distress not to approach. This is what you want to have happening to you.

There's no point in going out to attract women for one week, then taking a couple of weeks off and expecting to continue to get better.

You must create a new habit.

A study done by the University College London found that it takes on average sixty-six days of consistent effort to form a new habit, which is contrary to the common belief that it takes twenty-one days.

This does not mean that you have to dedicate sixty-six days of your life to attracting women. This is just meant to highlight that it takes consistent effort and time to form a habit.

The ideal amount of time to dedicate to attracting women is six hard hours a week – three hours a day/night. These six hours are to be spent working hard on approaching, talking and attracting women.

Also, success is about how often you are dedicating yourself to the new habit, not necessarily how hard you're working. It is better for you to approach one lady a day as opposed to dedicating one day a month to approaching as many women as you can find.

When I first decided to start my company, I had no idea what I was doing. As is common, I struggled to find momentum and spent a few months wandering aimlessly. My best friend Sir Cherryripe, who just so happens to be a multi-millionaire, gave me this advice:

"Pick a time a day and sit down to do thirty minutes of work every day. The important part is not what you're working on in those thirty minutes but rather that you are doing this every day."

I took his advice as I thought it wasn't a big ask, and worth a try.

So every day I sat myself down and worked for thirty minutes. What happened was that sometimes I would get carried away and work for hours. But no matter what, I would make sure I did at least thirty minutes every day, even if I really didn't feel like it. As time went on, I formed a habit of working and once the company started doing business, I started enjoying being a part of it all. This was awesome for me.

Sir Butterscotch didn't go out regularly to attract women. He would go out two to three times a week, then get caught up with work and not go out for two weeks. He would forget all that he had learnt and continue making the same mistakes.

## RULE NUMBER 10:

## THOU SHALT KEEP THE COMPANY OF NOBLE KNIGHTS

One of the best self-development books of all time is Napoleon Hill's ' _Think and Grow Rich_ '. In it, he talks about people being the average of their environment. I'm a huge advocate of this. We all tend to adopt the behaviors of those around us in many ways; such as what we think about certain topics, the way we think about our lives and even what we tend to strive for. This is why it's very important to choose our friends instead of allowing our friends to be the result of circumstance.

If I took you and I put you in a house with a professional piano player, a successful businessman and a supermodel, you would soon change the way you think of your life (and possibly install a hidden camera in the bathroom the supermodel uses). You will see those around you pushing themselves and will naturally learn to push yourself with whatever you put your mind to, even if your housemates can teach you nothing about the subject.

Unsupportive friends have this uncanny ability to undo all your self-confidence and can force you to doubt your own successes. It can be really hard to let go of these people, especially if they are childhood friends, however necessary doing this may be.

Sir Butterscotch had some corrosive friends around him. His friends would hit on the girl he was interested in and make fun of him whenever he wasn't doing so well with the ladies. This was corrosive to his self-confidence and increased his fear of rejection because he knew his friends would be watching and laughing at him. These are not the type of guys you want around you.

## RULE NUMBER 11:

## THOU SHALT STAY AWAY FROM THE LIBRARY

Sir Butterscotch filled his head with all the information he could find.

Most of us are theory junkies and who can blame us? We feel a distinct lack of knowledge on the topic of attracting women so we want to fill our brains with everything we can get our hands on.

Most of the difficulty in picking up women often comes from conflicting information. When I coach, I tell my students to 'drop' all the attraction lessons they have learnt along the way.

Attracting women is surprisingly easy; all you have to do is stop thinking and do what feels natural.

Unfortunately most of us find it hard to stop thinking in moments of stress. Having more theory in our heads than we know what to do with can only make this problem worse and lead to 'analysis paralysis'; which is where your brain shuts down and you suddenly feel stupid. This is not what you want happening to you when you're in front of a lady trying to charm the pants off her (literally).

When you're out in the field and you forget all the reading you learnt in this book – forgive yourself and focus on being present with her. Trust that you will eventually adjust and most of the time, you'll do fine. The theory is especially beneficial afterwards when you're analysing what you could have done better.

## RULE NUMBER 12:

## THOU SHALT CONTINUE THROUGH MANY TURNS OF THE HOURGLASS

If you went out and consistently spent a few days a week just doing whatever you felt was right to attract women, you would get amazing with time. Granted it may take you longer, but experience is one of the most important aspects to attracting women; as it is with mastering anything in life.

If all you did was engage in meaningful practice- which means practice that allows you to push yourself- you would eventually get there.

In his book ' _Bounce_ ' Matthew Syed says there's no such thing as natural talent. Sure some people are born better looking than you but in learning the skills necessary to become world class at anything, all it takes is 10 000 hours.

This gives us a huge amount of control if we can truly believe that it's just a matter of time until we reach our goal.

The great news is that we don't need to be world class at attracting women; we just need fifty to one hundred hours of dedicated practice to get to where we need to be.

Butterscotch did very well at the beginning just focusing on experience, pushing himself and getting some success. His problem was that irrespective of how many hours he spent going out, he stopped pushing himself and engaging in meaningful practice. He went out and approached three girls every time. When this stopped being difficult for him, he didn't look to get more experience and push himself harder.

So I told Sir Butterscotch to forget about everything else and just focus on following these rules. When he left my office, he had a clear idea of what was missing. He spent a few weeks working on some limiting beliefs about himself and really focusing on his self-confidence.

When he screwed up, he knew exactly what he was doing wrong so he spent little time beating himself up and more time focusing on how to make things better. Soon, he started to smile everywhere he went.

When I saw him again, I barely recognized him. He had a new style, a new swagger, and he seemed completely relaxed. These transformations are amazing to see. He called me a few weeks later and said 'Dude, at first it seemed like this was amazing but I'm now starting to feel I have time management issues with trying to fit in seeing five ladies at once. High Quality Problem!' he laughed.

#  PRACTICE WORKSHEET

What are you looking for?

Casual sex relationships/one night stands

Long term relationship

Consistency

How many days a week you can commit to going out and attracting women?

How many hours a week can you commit to going out and attracting women?

Which days of the week will you go out? What times?

Make a public commitment (this will make you accountable)

Tell six people that you're going to master this area of your life.

Be Honest

Get through one day without telling lies, fibbing or deceiving anyone around you. Be completely honest

Push your edge

Pick one thing you can do that is outside your comfort zone and do it

One step at a time

Blog about your experiences. You can do this in your city's pickup community forum or create a blog on your own. This will force you to analyze yourself and remember to take a step back and see what's going wrong and what's going right. This will help you keep perspective.

No Drinking

No drinking alcohol for thirty days. If you find this impossible, no more than one drink per social occasion.

No Theory

No reading attraction material without experience behind you.

# Chapter 2. PLACES DAMSELS CONGREGATE

' _The early bird might get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese' - Anonymous_

Sir Cherryripe is one of my closest compatriots. We travel together frequently and he is my chief Cohort when I ride out to meet maidens. He is retired and travels the world when he's not hanging out on his multi-million dollar estate. He also goes to the gym and runs regularly. He never tells women he has money and generally avoids the topic entirely.

He is forty-seven years old.

When I say that number, one might think he's too old to go to bars and nightclubs. I disagree. Sir Cherryripe is considered interesting by a great many ladies. He's in good shape physically, has no baggage as he has no interest in marriage or children, and he still behaves like he has wonder and joy in his life. Which is why most people never guess that he is close to fifty.

Sir Cherryripe is a classic example that age is just a number and should play a very small role in where you choose to go and find women.

A more reliable indicator of where you should go to meet women is your personality.

Enter Sir Nougat.

Sir Nougat has no interest in Crusading After Dark. He is a reserved, relaxed kind of guy that never spends any time going out at night or guzzling liquor. He is twenty-seven years old.

Sir Nougat focuses all his energy into talking to women in the day at popular tourist hot spots. He seems very unassuming so women don't expect him to be great with the ladies. He knows how to take advantage of this by taking them on instant coffee dates, all whilst wearing a baseball cap and sport shoes.

So let's start with finding out whether you're better suited to Crusading After Dark or riding out on Daylight Crusades. Each scene has its own pros and cons.

## WHAT IS THE AFTER DARK SCENE?

The After Dark Scene usually refers to the nightly watering holes where women dress up in next to nothing and head out to unwind, have fun and burn up the dance floor. It includes any place where men and women go in the evenings where there is usually alcohol, music, and a multitude of singles around. This includes bars, clubs, speed dating events, singles events, house parties, festivals, and day clubs.

Men who flourish in this environment tend to be under thirty-five (but not always) and enjoy the clubbing environment as a place to meet maidens. Your chances of getting a girl home for a one-night stand are generally pretty good, especially after midnight.

I'd like to definitely add in that if you wouldn't normally go to bars and clubs, seriously consider riding out on Daylight Crusades instead. There's no point in adopting a lifestyle that you have no interest in outside of women.

## WHAT IS THE DAYLIGHT SCENE?

The Daylight Scene is your everyday life. It's when you approach the fairer sex during your lunch break, catching the train, grabbing a coffee, or running your errands – essentially during whatever you normally do. Usually when going out on Daylight Crusades, men find a busy spot with lots of traffic and approach women constantly for a few hours. This environment is far more relaxed than in the After Dark Scene.

Dudes who flourish in this environment tend to be guys who normally don't go to night clubs/bars to find women and don't like the pressure of the bar/club scene. This scene works well for guys over the age of thirty-five, guys looking for a relationship, and guys who would like to be able to pick up girls in everyday life, wherever they go.

Following are some brief advantages and disadvantages for each scene.

## AFTER DARK SCENE

## DAYLIGHT SCENE

##  
As a rule of thumb, here's what we've seen work best:

So when deciding what scene to focus on, I want to reiterate that the scene you should choose should be based on your personality. Do not let yourself be seduced by the promise of quick sex in nightclub toilets if you're not the kind of guy to go to a nightclub. Play to your strengths and your temperament. Like these fellow knights:

When Sir Gobstopper first came to Australia, he had a very thick Scottish accent. So much so that it was hard for me to understand him even when there was no noise around. He understood this and chose to focus on Daylight Crusading, where he excelled very quickly. He was actually a really funny guy; he just needed people to hear and understand his jokes when he said them. Crusading After Dark would never have worked for him.

Sir Cherryripe has an acquired taste for pretty damsels twenty years younger than him. The insight and knowledge he has to offer along with the mystique of being a successful older man allows him to stand out amongst the typical After Dark crowd. As a result, pretty young damsels have an acquired taste for him.

Sir Nougat is quiet, unassuming and introverted; and goes on multiple coffee dates with women every day without draining his coffers much at all. He has not led a failed Daylight Crusade for over two years. He is phenomenal at what he does and is the exact opposite of me. So much so that I hired him as a full-time coach. Goes to show that even the most introverted people can attract women amazingly.

## MEETING MAIDENS IN MULTIPLE PLACES

An old comrade of mine, Sir Branmuffin ran into me a few months ago. He said 'D, I have found this goldmine of women! There's absolutely no competition! It's like taking candy from a baby! A whole bunch of babies actually!'

That goldmine turns out to be Zumba Classes- a sacred place where maidens congregate to wave sticks about and jump up and down. It's glorified Pilates. Sir Branmuffin goes to the weekly classes and sees that the only other man in the place is as straight as two-minute noodles. He quickly establishes to women that he is in fact straight; then asks one girl if she'd like to come out for drinks afterwards. He then makes sure he is the most social person in the room so new women in the class quickly gravitate towards him. Then he keeps them close - then takes them out. Easy, like shooting fish in a barrel. Or William Tell shooting fish in a barrel to be more precise.

Genius right?

Except he didn't count on one thing-

Women talk.

Not long after, he had a bad reputation as a 'playaaah!' and as with any goldmine, the gold eventually run out.

This is the reason I advocate having multiple streams of women - you just need to look for various ways to find them and hold on to them.

Never rely on your regular After Dark or Daylight Crusades. Explore every way you can think of. Who knows, you may find a gold mine that's just yours for the taking.

Below are some unconventional ideas on where to find women based on the scene you choose. I'm telling you this now to highlight that there's always new ways to meet women. Regardless of where you are, there's no such thing as a 'woman drought' – just laziness.

## AFTER DARK SCENE

### 1. Part-time work at a tavern

Work a couple of nights a week in a popular bar or club. Have some DJ skills? Women will be approaching YOU at the club.

I did bar work for a couple of years when I was younger, and it was an amazing introduction to After Dark Crusading. Not only did I get to spend the whole night watching guys approach women in different ways, but I was also talking to women all night long whilst serving them drinks.

When serving at the bar, it was great to work on my playful teasing with every woman I'd serve. The best part was that as I got better with my playful teases, my tips went through the roof and I started to get some numbers along the way as well.

As I got better, I also started to 'challenge' women occasionally when they ordered a drink. I would offer them a creative, alternative drink that I thought they would enjoy much more. By doing this, I was taking control, and ensuring that I stood out from other men at the place.

Being a bartender is great. However few roles in a bar are better for meeting women than becoming a 'glassy'. In many bars, there are staff dedicated to walking around collecting empty glasses or bottles and cleaning up rubbish. Whilst at first this may seem like the bottom of the hierarchy, this role puts you right out there amongst all the women. Unlike a bartender who only has a few seconds to chat to a girl while he gets her drink and takes her payment, a glassy can talk to a woman while she is sitting with her friends. Best of all, he has a valid reason for talking to her, as it's his job to ask if they are finished with their drinks and to ensure everything is going well for them that evening. It's an awesome position that will get you places.

### 2. Salsa dancing events

If you don't know how to burn up the salsa dance floor, here's your incentive to learn! The women are gorgeous and want you to ask them to dance.

I'm a huge fan of salsa for lots of reasons. Firstly, a man who can dance is always more attractive to women; but more than that this gives men who haven't had a lot of female contact the chance to get to know, interact and become comfortable with touching women more frequently.

Even better, when you become proficient at Salsa, you suddenly have a great way to go out and meet women on your own - almost anywhere in the world that you travel. Most cities around the world have salsa nights every week. Wherever you go, you will instantly be able to meet women and make friends. This is an invaluable skill set.

Last and not least, there are heaps of attractive single women at salsa. Even in your early salsa classes, you will often find that women outnumber the men, which is a fantastic opportunity to invite them to a salsa dancing night to practice what you have learned in your lessons.

### 3. Music and other festivals

Everyone's in a great mood at festivals and there's so many people, you'll never have to worry about finding beautiful women. Everyone is there to have a good time and people are ready to be friendly and try to get to know you.

Going to festivals themed around the music/art/culture you love is a sure way to meet a woman who you have something in common with, and can easily bond over.

## DAYLIGHT SCENE

### 1. Work or Study

The area in and around your work or study environment is a potential attraction zone. But DO NOT get involved with workmates or classmates. Remember that old saying of shitting where you eat? Don't do it. Instead, make friends with your attractive colleagues and expand your social circle through them.

Around campus, outside of your actual classes is an ideal place to meet women.

Girls on campus are often in the 'discovering themselves' phase of their lives where they want to be hyper-social, go to parties, meet new people and discover who they are.

Approaching girls at university can seem scary, but it's a great idea to start by approaching girls as they walk around campus. Very often these girls are walking alone without friends, and will be happy to have someone to talk to.

Most of the time also, you will find large groups of girls at university campus to be friendly when a guy comes in and starts talking.

I only wish I had any semblance of skill while I was at university. For any readers who are at university, make the most of it because the rest of us are very jealous! It's an incredibly friendly and encouraging environment to learn in!

For the rest of us chums that work however...

Spending your lunchtime walking around talking to ladies while they're waiting for their food, enjoying their lunch or walking by themselves is a great way to meet women. Because there's a time constraint before you both have to get back to work, you don't have to worry so much about running out of things to say.

### 2. Meetup.com

Meetup.com is great for getting out and being social whilst meeting some really beautiful and interesting women.

The trick with Meetup is to think of hobbies or experiences you would like to try first and foremost. Do you like the idea of trying out photography classes? Or meeting people interested in rock climbing, social activism or university-level calculus? (Just kidding: no one likes university-level calculus).

Odds are, if you live in a sizeable city, there will be groups of people organizing meetings on Meetup.com for a range of different passions and hobbies.

The great news is that the majority of Meetup.com members are single, and so the majority of women you are likely to meet on these events will be single as well.

The best part, however, is that even if there isn't a woman you like out on a particular Meetup event, you will still have a great experience and be living a more interesting life. If you do meet a woman you like, your interaction will shine as you will both be meeting whilst doing something you enjoy. It's an instant way to bond over a shared passion.

### 3. Gym

Meeting a lady as she's working out means she has the same hobby as you. It's also likely she has an amazing body clad in revealing, skintight lycra. (Hold your gym towel bunched up in front of your crotch if you need to).

A great way to meet a lady at the gym is to go to a small gym with limited equipment. When a girl is using the equipment, ask her if she minds sharing the equipment with you, or whether you can go next. Either way, you'll have the opportunity to chat with her and build some attraction.

### 4. The Beach

Meeting women at the beach is often a very daunting experience for most men. For starters, women are wearing so little clothing that randomly approaching a woman at the beach feels almost 'rude'.

However, the reality is that talking to women on the beach is a fantastic way to chat to women who are relaxing and have nowhere in particular they need to be. This is awesome for us.

There are lots of women who go to the beach alone or with one or two friends. They sit on the beach in their bikinis knowing that they look good.

One thing I found really useful on the beach is to walk down with my towel and shoes by myself. I would then find a girl by herself or a small group of girls and I'd ask them if they wouldn't mind watching my stuff while I went for a swim. After my swim, I'd come back, thank them, and start a conversation while drying off. Easy as pie!

### 5. Shopping

There are lots of great ways to meet ladies while shopping.

For starters, there are always girls out and about doing their own shopping. Many of them will be by themselves, and sometimes they are just wandering around with no urgent plans other than to simply look for new clothes to buy.

Secondly, there's always a great way to start a conversation. Just ask a girl a question that's in some way related to the environment you're both in. For example, Sir Sherbert spent years haunting bookstores. He'd sidle up to the same bookshelf a pretty damsel was perusing, then casually turn around and ask 'So... read any good books lately?'. After a while he did end actually get a book of his own- a book of phone numbers.

Sadly bookstores are rare nowadays, but clothing venues are just as fantastic. A good way to approach in a clothing venue is to find a girl and ask her if she likes an outfit you picked out. It's a great way to start the conversation.

What's also bonus is that many stores often have very cute shop assistants who get very bored, especially when it is quiet during weekdays and early on weekends. Men's clothing stores even purposely hire cute girls to entice guys to spend more in-store.

I love walking into clothing stores and asking the cute assistant to help me find something that looks great on me. I'd strike up a conversation and playfully tease her a bit, learn about her life outside of clothing sales and ask her for a number.

### 6. Public transport

Bus stops and train stations are a good place to approach women as they are generally bored. If you do well, it's much easier to share a bus/ train ride with a lady and go on an instant date.

Men are often very scared of approaching women on public transport because there is nowhere to escape to if things go badly.

However, we forget that it works the other way round too. Women know that if they are mean to you, there is nowhere for you to go and nowhere for them to go either - so to avoid awkwardness, they'll often be much friendlier when you approach them on public transport.

The great thing about approaching women on the way to or from work is that you can often build rapport with the same woman over many days before asking for her number.

When I first approach, I just start by asking her where she's headed to, or where she came from, or mention that we've been catching the same train/bus/ferry for the last three months but have never actually said hello. I would begin by being friendly, then working my way up from there.

Everything listed above is but a fraction of the potential goldmines out there. The trick is to always have more than one, and leverage it effectively. If it does indeed dry up, like it did for Sir Branmuffin, you'll always have somewhere else to go.

You'll also do well to hold onto it as best you can. Sir Branmuffin could've kept his goldmine running longer if he had not worked on the maidens in his Zumba classes, but rather worked on fornicating with their friends.

#  PRACTICE WORKSHEET

Which scene will you be focusing on? After Dark Scene/ Daylight Scene

Close your eyes and imagine your ideal woman. Think about the following aspects:

LOOKS

blonde

brunette

redhead

olive skin

brown skin

cream skin

brown eyes

blue eyes

green eyes

hazel eyes

small sized

medium sized

large sized

ETHNICITY

Asian

Caucasian

Indian

Hispanic

Islander

Black

Other

PERSONALITY TYPE

Romantic

Artistic

High Maintenance

Attention to detail

Athletic

Dominant

Nurturing

AGE BRACKET

18-25

26-30

31-35

36-40

41-45

46-50

51-55

56-60

60+

Where does this type of woman hang out? See below for some ideas

Dancing events

University

Gym

Beach

Shopping mall

Adventure sports

Fashion shows

Work

Bars and clubs

Sports games

Tourist hotspots

Public transport

What type of Meetup groups can we join to find these women? Where else can we go to get in contact with these women? Name 5 groups you like where you could potentially meet these women. Join these groups.

# Chapter 3. CALLING FORTH COURAGE

' _I discovered I scream the same way whether I'm about to be devoured by a great white shark or if a piece of seaweed touches my foot.'_

— _Kevin James_

Sir Snickers had one of the worst internal state issues I have ever seen in a student. On his second time going out, he simply freaked out and nothing was working to get him back. He stopped smiling, kept looking down at his feet and started going more and more into his shell. He just wanted to go home and wanted me to let him go home.

Getting out of the right state when meeting women can be disastrous to your self-confidence.

Let's face it – attracting women is stressful and stress prevents creative thinking, stops our ability to generate interesting conversation, inhibits great discussion topics, and hinders all capability to be humorous - everything we require to attract women unfortunately.

Knowing that stress is a factor, acquiring a positive state is everything. When you go out of this state, it's difficult to make an initial meeting go well. However when you get into a positive state, you become unstoppable and nothing can get in your way. If you start your attraction outing in this state, you will be in the best position to attract the ladies.

How can we make sure we start at the best point possible?

## Triune Brain Theory

In 1973, Paul D. Maclean, a neuroscientist; wrote a paper called ' _A triune concept of the brain and behavior_.' In it he suggested that, simplistically speaking, the brain is separated into three sections, each of which represented a forward movement in evolution.

These sections are:

1. The Reptilian Brain

2. The Mammalian Brain (Emotional Brain), and

3. The Logical Brain

## REPTILIAN BRAIN

The Reptilian brain controls the same archaic behavior patterns that we share with animals such as snakes and lizards. It is the instinctual part of the brain that concerns itself almost completely with keeping us alive and getting us to reproduce.

The Reptilian brain is also responsible for 'automatic' actions such as keeping your heart beating, regulating your breathing and keeping your balance. This area is what causes you to take your hand out of boiling hot water before you even have the chance to process the heat as a rational thought.

More importantly to us, the Reptilian Brain is responsible for our 'fight or flight' mechanism. It is responsible for the shot of adrenaline we get when we are faced with danger or face-to-face with an attractive woman.

The characteristics of the Reptilian brain are important for us because it is automatic, ritualistic, and extremely resistant to change. Combined with other parts of the brain, it is the reason why humans are creatures of habit, and why it is so hard to get out of bad habits such as drinking morning coffees, eating fatty foods and repeating destructive relationship patterns.

## MAMMALIAN BRAIN – (LIMBIC SYSTEM)

The Mammalian brain (otherwise known as the Limbic System) is the portion of the brain associated with typically mammalian behaviors. It is the source of emotions.

Put simply, the Mammalian brain views events as either Agreeable or Disagreeable. It evolved this way because the survival of a species tends to rely heavily on the avoidance of pain (injury, disease etc.) and the recurrence of pleasure (sex, food, sleep, _Starcraft_ , etc.).

The Mammalian brain is also the part of the brain that automatically stores memories without us actively trying to remember them. We are constantly creating memories, but the Mammalian brain must decide which memories are most important to hang on to for future reference. It does this by referring to its emotions. This means that you remember emotionally charged events much better than you remember events where you felt no emotion at all. Simply put, _we remember what we feel_. If you do not make a girl feel, she's not going to remember you in a day. If you tell a girl she's fat enough to have her own postcode, she'll remember you in a year. I wouldn't suggest saying that to a lady but it does highlight how the Mammalian brain works.

From a survival standpoint this makes sense (I mean 'emotions-as-reference-for-memories' here, and 'don't-tell-women-fat-jokes'- which also makes sense from a survival standpoint in a different way). We have a vested interest in remembering what causes us pain and what causes us pleasure.

A key difference between a reptile and a mammal is that you cannot teach a reptile to do tricks. With mammals, you are able to train new behavior patterns.

## LOGICAL BRAIN

The Logical brain, otherwise known as the neo-cortex, is most highly developed in the brains of higher mammals such as humans, apes, dolphins and whales. In humans, its size consumes five-sixths of our whole brain mass and is responsible for skills such as higher order thinking, reason, speech, and writing.

We use our logical brain to make rational explanations of events in our lives, as well as to plan future events.

We can think about the past and rationalize it. We can put ourselves in other people's shoes and wonder 'why did she respond that way to me?' We can look into the future and predict what might happen. These predictions won't always be correct but will improve with experience. Most men wanting to learn how to attract women often have above average intelligence. They are too logical and think too much. This gets in the way when approaching women.

All three systems are interconnected. If I were to show you a picture of a naked woman right now, your Reptilian brain says 'oh look- a naked woman that's young, pretty, and has large boobs' (or maybe just 'BOOBS!' like mine does).Your body then releases large amounts of adrenalin, endorphins and dopamine. It then passes that information to your Mammalian and your Logical brain. The Mammalian brain picks up on these chemicals and says 'I feel aroused. This makes me happy in my pants'. The logical brain asks 'What's the best way to get this lady to have sexy time with me?' and tries to create a plan of action.

If on the other hand, I showed you a photo of a naked eighty year old grandmother spread-eagled, your Reptilian brain says 'Ewww! A naked eighty year old grandmother!', and just releases adrenaline to flee. The Emotional brain sees adrenaline and recognises it as a cue to get away in fear or revulsion (we hope). The Logical brain plots the best way to make the imagery go away and to find the nearest bucket.

What is important to note about the triune brain is that your logical brain has limited direct control over your emotional brain and almost no control over the reptilian brain.

To showcase this, if I am to ask you to feel sadness right now, you are going to struggle to create a real feeling of sadness unless you are already in that state. You cannot force an emotion to appear by logically willing it. Likewise, when you are unhappy, it is incredibly hard to make yourself happy.

However, if I were to ask you to think about the saddest you have ever been, for example, after the death of a close family member; then I imagine that you would very quickly begin to develop a very real feeling of sadness. We cannot order the Mammalian brain to be sad but we can ask it to bring up a sad memory, which will cause it pain.

As far as communicating with the Reptilian brain, we have even less control.

If I asked you to slow down your heart rate right now, you wouldn't be able to do it. However, if you closed your eyes and started meditating whilst forcing yourself to take slow deep breaths, your heart rate would eventually slow down.

In short, you cannot 'will' your Emotional or Reptilian brains to do anything. You can however 'manipulate' your Emotional and Reptilian brains into responding in desired ways.

Most of the time we go through our lives without ever being aware of the lack of control we have on a physiological level over our brains. We feel determined that we can logically force ourselves to stop stressing. This is not the case and 'willing yourself ' logically to stop distress can cause unnecessary trauma.

When you are in a club and you see a gorgeous woman across the room, your Reptilian brain does something that it has been doing for millions of years - it prepares you to mate or fight by increasing the amount of adrenaline released into your system. This causes you to:

Increase your heart rate

Increase your blood pressure

Dilate your pupils

Shallow your breath

Become light headed

Increase your body temperature

Start sweating

These symptoms don't sound like fun however these symptoms would triple if this beautiful woman walked up to you, kissed you on the ear and whispered, "I want you to come home with me". Would you turn that down in order to avoid a bit of adrenaline? Of course not.

This demonstrates that the physical sensations are not specifically the thing that's holding us back from approaching that gorgeous lady. That is great news because you will never lose these symptoms completely, regardless of how successful you get at attracting women. Besides, we wouldn't want these symptoms to stop because part of the fun of attracting women is the increase in adrenaline we get when we anticipate sex. It creates that feeling of being alive.

Whilst these symptoms are happening, your logical brain is doing what your logical brain is built to do; observing the woman and making rational calculations relating to your odds of successfully attracting her. You'll start by reading her body language and subtle facial movements, then you'll have an awareness of other men in the vicinity, which could pose as obstacles... then all of a sudden something bad happens: your Emotional brain begins to kick in.

Your Emotional brain can feel your heart beating fast and your hands getting clammy, and it says "I recognize this response as a bad response and you should feel extremely scared and negative right now because that is what you have always done and you are still alive - therefore this is the right way to behave".

Our Emotional brain is obviously not logical \- so it just repeats old patterns over and over again. It was built this way to keep us alive with a 'Don't fix what ain't broken' mentality.

Your logical brain picks up on all these emotions flooding in. Your hormones go from elation to exasperation to hopelessness within seconds. You seem to lose control of your Logical brain's ability to be logical and suddenly, you start having these thoughts of fleeing, which right now you clearly understand doesn't make much sense.

Your Amygdala, which is a small area of your brain nestled between the Emotional and the Reptilian brains picks up on all these irrational thoughts and negative emotions; then responds by increasing the amount of adrenaline - this time not in response to potential mating but for trying to escape imminent danger; the danger you illogically believe yourself to be in. Your heart beats faster and your breathing becomes shallower and you start to sweat more. It also orders blood to be pumped away from your groin and into the muscles to make a quick escape.

It is important to note that anticipating sex also produces similar effects- we release adrenaline and a little bit of cortisol (stress hormone) every time we know we're going to put the pilot in the cockpit. However we also release dopamine. Dopamine is the pleasure hormone, which skyrockets when we're anticipating sex. When we simply sense danger, there is no dopamine to pleasure us. Simply put, you get sweaty palms with a girl you like AND sweaty palms with a girl you are scared of, but the difference between one being pleasurable anticipation and the other being simply 'fear' is the presence of dopamine in the blood stream.

The Amygdala in your brain evolved to scan the environment for danger. If you're in a field with tall grass and you hear movement, your amygdala fires off before you realize what's going on. With us however, it also happens to fire off on social cues.

## Amygdala Hijack

Humans are social creatures, so it's important to us that we don't damage social standings. When someone accuses us of something in front of other people – the amygdala fires off. When we are jealous – the amygdala fires off. This is our internal alarm system. When we perceive danger, we release stress hormones and the logical brain begins to shut down. We become unable to think properly any more.

This is known as an Amygdala Hijack.

It's where the Emotional and Reptilian brains take control of your body and cause you to behave in ways that make no sense to you when you are thinking logically. Of all three brains, the Logical brain has the least control of all three and this is evident through the process of the Amygdala Hijack.

Aside from chickening out when approaching women, some examples of an Amygdala Hijack are:

– The habitual way that we may argue or fight with a partner where you say and do all these things that retrospectively make no sense at all, but in the moment they seemed perfectly justified.

– When you have issues with jealousy without any reason.

– When I myself was trapped in my room with severe panic attacks.

To deal with this, there are three things that we want to find

– Strategies to reduce the risk of the hijack occurring.

– Strategies to recover once hijack has taken hold.

– Strategies to replace hijack response with an excitement response.

We now know that the Reptilian brain hates change and associates this with danger. So how can we change the change-hater?

## PUT IN THE TIME

If you are only going out to approach women once every few weeks, you're not allowing your Reptilian brain to adjust to your new habit. If you want to acclimatize to something, then you need to expose yourself to it with much greater frequency.

If you are currently in a position where fear completely prevents you from going out and talking to women, or you have never approached a woman before in your life, never bite off more than you can chew. Simply start by increasing the frequency in which you are in areas with lots of women around. Get comfortable having them around you first, even if it's at a distance; then worry about making the actual approach. You need to be exposing your Reptilian brain to external stimuli at least once a week. Obviously, the more often exposure occurs, the quicker your brain will adapt. The good news here is that once your Reptilian brain is used to being around and approaching women, it will be very slow to revert back to the state you are in now.

## HAVING A 'BEFORE ATTRACTION OUTING' RITUAL

Do you feel a degree of distress at the idea of heading out with the intention of speaking to women? Have you begun to psyche yourself out before even walking out your front door? How well do you think it's going to work out for you tonight? Your poor Reptilian brain is already pumping out anxiety creating adrenaline in anticipation.

Relying again on the fact that the Reptilian brain likes repetition to create comfort, it is in your best interest to make your Reptilian brain feel comfortable and relaxed before you set foot in a club/day spot. The best way for you to do this is to create a routine for yourself. You need to prepare for your Crusades in exactly the same fashion every time. Set up a little ritual for yourself before you go out, preferably one that is productive.

The following are particularly powerful if you are able to include them in your preparation ritual:

– Physical activity (running, gym, rock-climbing, walking etc.)

– Watching or listening to motivational videos

– Listening to music that excites you

For me, my ritual is:

– I go for a run and imagine myself doing really well at the club.

– I put on my motivational video as I iron my clothes.

– I drive to the same club every time and park around the same area.

– I walk to the convenience store, buy a pack of gum and have a conversation with the store clerk.

– I walk to the traffic light and wait to cross the road to the club.

– I say hello to anyone who might be waiting for the traffic light with me.

– I cross the road, hand my I.D to the bouncer and have a quick chat with him.

– I buy a soft drink at the bar and chat to the bartender.

– I drink my drink and go straight into the bathroom

– I look into the mirror and take a deep breath in to relax myself.

– I step out of the bathroom in state ready to have an awesome night.

Do this every time you go out specifically to attract women and at no other time. This is because you are creating an emotional behavioral connection between your state and women. This will breed familiarity and eventually you will feel very little anxiety. This requires consistent use. It will have little impact the first four or five times, but after a while, even a bad day will not be able to pull you out of state.

Following this little ritual every time means that I walk into a club feeling relaxed because everything feels 'normal' and 'comfortable'. My Reptilian brain recognizes this whole process, so it doesn't really spark much alarm when it finds itself in a club surrounded by women because it has been here before.

## OBSERVE HOW YOUR BODY RESPONDS

Become comfortable with your body's natural response to being in the proximity of an attractive woman. Bars and clubs, beaches, bookstores and cafes can be threatening situations and we can easily misinterpret our body's natural response at the sight of a hot woman for a sign of imminent danger. If you take the time to become consciously familiar with and accepting of your body's natural reactions, you can start to be aware of not getting caught up in your emotions.

Next time you go somewhere with your friends where there will be women around, keep in your mind that you want to observe how your body feels when you see a beautiful woman.

I like to go to the beach for this. Simply sit on the beach after your swim and look at the beautiful bodies around you. Notice how your body gets jittery, how your muscles feel like they want to fidget, and the way your breathing becomes shallower. Chances are you have never sat down and really paid much attention to these sensations. These same feelings will be going through you when you start approaching women. Paying attention to these feelings in an environment where you don't have to do anything will help avoid those feelings from becoming misconstrued the next time you are in an environment where you do approach.

Once we know how to reduce Amygdala Hijack, we need to teach our emotional brains how to bypass it completely so that we can start thinking logically again.

Amygdala Hijack disappears when you experience enough positive emotions associated with an event that they override the older, less relevant negative emotions you once associated. What we need to do is find a way to get ourselves all of these positive experiences without our Emotional brain having a chance to come in and ruin it all by flooding us with irrational fear.

The first thing we want to do is go out there feeling like we deserve to be successful.

## POLISH YOUR ARMOR

Feeling good in what you're wearing will give you that boost of confidence you desperately need starting out. The important thing is to dress in a way that makes you feel successful. Think about the best suit you've ever worn – how powerful did it make you feel? Think about the worst outfit you had to wear (perhaps for a job) - how silly did it make you feel? The clothes that we wear affect our behavior and what we choose to wear will give us a fake boost of confidence if we feel great in it. And we'll take whatever we can get right now. If you feel like your clothing gives you value, you'll act like you have value. Simple as that.

Good clothes require great hygiene. Your nails must be clean, your face must be neatly shaven, you must smell good, your breath must be fresh, and your clothes must be ironed. Oh and you should get those nose hairs trimmed too (yes, YOU).

Good hygiene is just good manners and it won't hurt to make this a habit.

I have heard suggestions that you should wear clothing that's 'out there' and 'garish' so that women notice you. As a general rule I think this is really bad advice. Garish clothing only works if your personality is out there and crazy as well. Otherwise it's incongruent, and you just look like a douche. If you want women to notice you, get them to notice you with your confidence; not by your bright red hair, painted fingernails, leopard-print mankini or those peacock feathers you're holding clenched in your bum crack.

Consider the Tale of Sir Dairymilk...

Sir Dairymilk was a very intelligent, well-spoken British journalist in his late forties. On his first outing with me, he decided to wear a bright red satin shirt and a brown fur hat. As expected, this was disastrous for him and women didn't know what to think of him. He needed to capitalize on the older man intrigue. He had a lot to talk about. He should have dressed more conservatively. When he dressed well the following outing we had together, there was a huge difference in how women behaved with him. We still laugh about how silly he was dressed that night.

....and the Tale of Sir Chupachup

Sir Chupachup was a young guy that wore enough gold to pass for Smaug's dragon hoard. He didn't do it to attract attention but because he liked gold things. When he asked me what he could do to improve, I suggested he cut down on his bling. He removed almost all of the jewelry and women responded much better to him. He stopped looking sleazy and women could see him for the really nice guy that he was.

The moral of these tales? Dress appropriately, and dress well. Put in the effort at the beginning of the night and it will have a very real impact on your behavior for the rest of the night.

## RIDE OUT IN GOOD STEAD

When you go out when you're not feeling so social and friendly, your night becomes an uphill battle. Conversely, when you go out on a night and feel really happy, your happiness becomes addictive; so much so that you want to be social and get to know people.

What we want to do is find ways to get ourselves into that positive, friendly, talkative mood before we get to the high-pressure environment where all the women are. If you are already in a positive state of mind, it will be much harder to succumb to the brain's hijack. The easiest way to do this is to incorporate social activities into your pre-outing routine. Examples of mood building activities are:

Spending time with siblings

Meeting friends beforehand

Talking to the cashier

Saying hi to someone at the traffic light

Chatting to the bouncer as you enter the venue

Talking to the bartender as you get inside the venue

These all force you to be social beforehand. This will counteract your anxiety and ease you into the 'being social' process. If you spend your week sitting in front of a computer and your nights watching TV, it's no wonder you don't feel particularly social. The brain takes a while to switch gears from anti-social to social, even when you go out with friends.

This is an example of my pre-outing social ritual:

When I go to buy gum at the store, I have a bit of a chat with the guy behind the counter (who knows me well now) and we chit-chat about our week. I joke about how many hot women I'm going to talk to, and then I leave.

When I get to the club, I stop and have a chat with the bouncer- most of whom know me well by now too. I ask him how it's going in the club, and if any particular stunner's have walked in and whether he managed to get their names whilst checking their . He laughs and I walk in.

When I get my first drink of soda, I ask the bar girl how her nightshirts going and leave her some tips. I wish her the biggest night of tips in her life. She laughs, I smile.

By that point, I have warmed up my social muscle and am ready to get the party started.

As much as all these strategies allow you to counteract the Amygdala Hijack, chances are it may happen to you – at least at the beginning of your journey.

Therefore, we want to have a plan of action for when we catch ourselves in the midst of an Amygdala Hijack.

When I was starting to get out of my bedroom after my painful breakup, I still suffered with severe panic attacks. At one point, I was in the midst of a panic attack about something completely illogical when all of a sudden, my phone began to ring and it was my Dad. I picked it up and was told that my mum had just been taken to hospital for an urgent operation as they had discovered a tumour in her brain that needed to be operated on immediately. I totally forgot about my Amygdala Hijack, got into my car and drove to the hospital. I didn't have a panic attack for the next two days because the focus of my attention had changed. The second my attention went elsewhere, my anxiety stopped.

When you find yourself having all those illogical thoughts, the worst thing you can do is stand there and fight it. Some people suggest 'Just push yourself '. The problem with this is that the stress involved in pushing yourself can create more trauma and make it even harder for you to approach.

If you stay locked in your stressful situation looking at attractive women and stressing about all the things that could go wrong, you are creating negative emotions attached to attractive women. This means the next time you look at an attractive woman, your emotional brain is going to remember all those bad feelings and cause you to stress out again.

Therefore when you find yourself in an Amygdala Hijack, you are going to take a time-out.

Here is what you're going to do:

Recognize and admit to yourself that you're stressed.

Tell your Cohort (friend) you are going to take ten minutes away from anything to do with girls.

Shake his hand, look him in the eye and promise him that you will approach the first girl he picks for you when you get back.

Get away from your Crusading environment for ten minutes, and in that time, think about something that has nothing to do with women.

Here's some ideas of what you think about:

– Plan where like to go for your next holiday.

– Think about what your ideal career would be.

– Plan your day tomorrow.

When you get back, stick to your word and approach the next girl your Cohort points out for you.

So going back to Sir Snickers at the beginning of the chapter...

I knew that if I let Sir Snickers go home that night, his progress would go backwards. I was trying my hardest to get him to stay. As a last ditch effort, I offered to approach two women with him. I would introduce us and all he would need to do is just join me and talk. He finally agreed. I walked over to two very attractive brunettes and said 'Hey girls, how's your night going? I'm Damien and this is Sir Snickers. You'll have to excuse him. He has just come over from Scotland and has a very thick Scottish accent.' Then Sir Snickers had to do the best impression of very thick Scottish accent he could possibly muster. He was struggling and laughing at the same time. Then we started talking to the girls. I injected some more fun by telling the girls that Sir Snickers owned the largest dildo manufacturer in his hometown. Sir Snickers of course had to play along and his state was changing quickly.

That was all it took to get Sir Snickers back into a fun state and make him realize there was no need to take himself so seriously. He felt like the king of the world. After that, he forced me to push him that night to be even more outrageous and change his limiting beliefs. Sir Snickers even went up to a woman and started the conversation with 'Do you like anal sex?' The lady thought it was hilarious that he actually had to guts to say that to her and she slipped him her phone number in the end.

Since then he has pushed himself to bigger and better heights. All this eventually lead him to find the girl of his dreams and get married.

Enter Sir Crème-brulee

Sir Crème-brulee was a French conqueror, and one of the most successful students I ever had. But I remember him struggling with energy one night. He just didn't have any drive. He was approaching but he just wasn't feeling it. He looked tired and worn out. To change his mood, I gave him a goal that he had to approach the hottest lady in the club. He had to approach her and let her know that he thought she was the hottest girl in the club. Sure enough he did that. The lady smiled and gave him a huge hug. She was very grateful. She also said 'If I didn't have a husband, I'd love to talk some more.' Sir Crème-brulee had just made that lady's night. He came out of that feeling really great about himself and his mood changed just like that.

I was sitting down one night talking with Sir Toblerone about all of this one day, and he gave me this analogy that I really love. He said "When we go out attracting women, we look at it as a consumption of energy. Some guys don't want to use too much energy too early because they don't want to 'use it all up'. It's a silly idea but a very common one. Positive energy is infectious. 'Think of energy like a fire.' He said 'Share your fire with someone else and allow them to light some of their fire by giving them a positive experience. When you do that, you don't lose your fire but create two fires. This way, if you lose some energy in your interaction, she'll be burning her energy bright and will in turn give you some energy. If you positively light a fire with lots of people, there's no way you'll lose energy." I know this sounds wishy-washy but it's a great visualization technique to remember when you're just not feeling enough energy like Sir Crème-brulee.

It doesn't take much to change your state. A little can go a long way.

## THE ANCIENT ART OF MEDITATION

If you're having trouble getting in state, I suggest you meditate daily. Meditation is about learning to be present. We spend a lot of our lives thinking and thinking, and thinking, and then stopping to think for a little bit, and then thinking some more. Our brains provide us with a never-ending stream of chatter - thinking about the future; thinking about the past; we are discussing and ruminating about things with ourselves all day long.

Meditating is about switching off that internal chatter and focusing entirely on what we are experiencing right now - in this moment and nothing else.

Guys who meditate regularly are:

– Far less affected when they get rejected

– Much better at putting that rejection into perspective and moving on

– Experience a lot less Approach distress because they don't listen so much to the fearful chatter that goes on in their heads

– Better at teasing and humor because they are feeling much more calm and relaxed

– Sleeping better

– Improving their memory

– Functioning better under stress

– Making better quality decisions

– Less reactive

– Less needy

– Easily able to see the 'big picture' and not get caught up with insignificant details that so often derail others in their success

The beauty of meditating is that it's actually not hard to do at all. It's not complex, however it requires consistency. In fact, the more complicated you try to make it, the more you can be missing the point. The most important thing is to have no expectations; you are simply doing this to focus on being present. Allow your body to experience whatever it wants to experience. Sometimes this can be agitation and frustration, but understand that's part of the process as your body releases pent up tension.

For some people, meditation can take a while to actually feel relaxing. If you get agitated in the beginning, it's a sign you need to meditate, not a sign you need to stop.

Here's how to start:

Find a location that not too bright or too noisy and where you won't get disturbed. Sit where you will be comfortable and won't need to fidget. Sit however is comfortable for you.

Set a timer for ten minutes.

Close your eyes, and just focus on your breathing. Don't try to control your breathing, just let your body breathe however it wants to. Focus on the feeling of the cool air coming in your nostrils, filling up your chest, and then the warm air coming out as you exhale.

Continue this until the alarm goes off. Then gently open your eyes and take your time to get up and get on with the rest of your day.

Do this every day for thirty days and observe the effects.

You will notice that especially at first, you will regularly lose focus of your breathing and start thinking of something in the outside world, like the girl you met the other night, the milk you have to buy at the shops, or that Leopard attack in India. Once you notice you have lost attention, don't be frustrated; gently move your attention back to your breathing. This cycle of losing attention and bringing it back to being present is something you will become familiar with and will occur less often as you relax into your meditating.

It's really that simple. Think of it as your daily chance to have some 'you' time and relax in the most efficient way possible. Increase your time in two-minute increments every week until you can sit for twenty minutes. Meditating is more about consistency than the time you actually meditate. It's better to meditate for ten minutes every day as opposed to one hour every week.

#  PRACTICE WORKSHEET

Ritual

Have a 'before attraction outing' ritual. Write it down.

Observe how your body responds

Do this visualisation exercise:

  1. Close your eyes

  2. Picture being in a bar with friends

  3. You seeing a girl you like and you're not approaching.

  4. Sit with that feeling for a while of not approach her and coming up with excuses why you're not approaching

  5. Do this for one minute.

  6. Take a piece of paper and describe that feeling as best you can. Where is the anxiety in your body? Is it in more than one place? Does it have a color? Does it have a texture (hard or soft) or does it just feel tight?

  7. Close your eyes again, feel those feelings that you wrote down and imagine what it would be like to feel those feelings and approach the girl you like anyway.

  8. Write a list of how you would feel after that.

Polish your armor

  1. Go to the hairdresser every four weeks for a haircut/hair trim.

  2. Trim fingernails and ensure they are clean

  3. Have two separate eyebrows

  4. Have nice cologne - go to the perfume store and ask the clerk to help you pick a smell

  5. Go into three separate clothing stores and ask the checkout ladies what would look good on you. Don't buy anything until you've been to all three stores.

  6. Iron your clothes - if you don't know how to iron, place the ironing board in front of the TV with all your clothes and spend a few hours ironing. You will eventually get the hang of it.

Being Social

  1. Talk to 3 strangers in the next week that you wouldn't normally talk to - cashier, bank teller, old man on the bus, bartender etc- aim is to have a one or two minute conversation.

  2. Note if you feel happier/less happy after you do it.

Meditating

  1. Meditate for one full week for ten minutes a day.

  2. Note how you feel at the end of the week

  3. For serious meditators, spend ten days in a Vipassana meditation centre meditating for ten hours a day with no talking or communicating. It's one of the hardest things you'll ever do in your life but totally worth it. <http://www.dhamma.org/>

  4. Note how you feel at the end of the ten days

#  Chapter 4. NOBLE QUESTS

' _Some people say "If you can't beat them, join them". I say "If you can't beat them, beat them", because they will be expecting you to join them, so you will have the element of surprise'_

— _Unknown_

When a young squire first decides to become better with women, more often than not he finds out he is not the only one on such a journey.

There are a number of attraction communities in the world, where other Squires, Apprentices and Knights with similar goals congregate. I am a member of several of these, and sometimes help run a couple; especially in my hometown of Sydney, Australia.

These communities often have an online forum. Guys find out about this forum by reading books, talking to other people or by Googling something like 'pick up community'.

Once they find an active forum, they register to get connected. Most times, forum moderators ask these men why want to join. As it's run by volunteers who themselves are working on attracting women, they tend to be private and only available to those that are serious about learning this kind of stuff. They find how serious a fella is to learn by asking potential members a series of questions such as 'Have you gone out trying to attract women? If so, how often?'

What forum moderators find is that one hundred percent of the men wanting to join are excited and passionate about working on this stuff. However from experience, they know that only five percent of guys will actually stick around after a few months.

Why?

Everyone starts off eager, then quickly gets frustrated. The first time these guys go out, it's amazing. They get out there, find new friends and get some experience under their belts. Then some weeks later everything falls apart. Girls stop responding to them and their enthusiasm disappears faster than a bride's nightie on her honeymoon. They simply fall off the forum map never to be seen again.

Why?

For a lot of people, having 'goals' sounds boring and overdone. Yet having well-developed goals each time you go out is the cornerstone of why my students quickly out-perform anyone else. It is also the reason why many forum guys fall off the map. They have no real sense of what they're trying to accomplish- and it is this lack of goals that knocks all the enthusiasm out of them.

Well developed goals allow you to cut through challenges with laser precision, knocking out obstacles one at a time with the speed that most others only dream of. Goals give you sense of achievement and provide metrics to compare yourself to.

Attracting women is fun and all, but if you want to learn the skills behind it really fast, then you must take certain aspects such as goal setting relatively seriously. This means that when you're out, you should be focusing on being in the moment, talking to girls and having fun however, you must also have some sort of system that ensures you are heading in the right direction. In other words, _you need to be able to measure progress_.

Measuring your progress shows you exactly where you are excelling and exactly where you are struggling. In more detail, this identifies what things you need to focus on to achieve the level of success you desire. It also shows, with brutal honesty, where you're doing well and where you're doing poorly. This can be a very enlightening experience and can often uncover major sticking points you were previously unaware of. This is especially important because it motivates you to keep pursuing your goals even when you may not feel like you're progressing.

When you have specific data on how well you're doing, you get perspective. And specific data is obtained by having well made goals.

So how do you make well made goals?

In order to empower you, all your goals must be S.M.A.R.T goals. A S.M.A.R.T. goal is a special way of constructing a goal that is the result of many decades of research. What researchers discovered was that if you are in the habit of constructing goals in a certain way, your likelihood of reaching them increases exponentially.

These goals have to be Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Realistic, and Time-bound; which together form the acronym 'S.M.A.R.T.'

## SPECIFIC

Your goals need to be specific. To have a specific goal, you must know exactly what you're doing. Specific is very much about HOW the goal is going to happen. 'I'm going to attract women' is not a specific goal, nor is 'I'm going to get a biceps like Arnold Schwarzenegger'. Neither mention anything about what actions you're going to take to move you towards that goal.

Examples of specific goals are:

I'm going to approach women and ask them for the time.

I'm going to lose weight by going on a diet.

I'm going to get biceps like Arnold Schwarzeneggar by lifting weights.

## MEASURABLE

Having goals that are measurable lets you know when you are finished and deserve a rest. This also gives you a way to track progress and avoid burning out. Additionally, these goals keep you motivated to put in the extra 10% because you can see when you are 'almost' there. You are thus much less likely to give up as early as you would without a measurement.

Examples of measurable goals are:

I'm going to approach 10 women and ask them for the time.

I'm going to lose weight by going on a diet of 2500 calories of food a day and checking my weight on the scale.

I'm going to get 22 inch biceps just like Arnold Schwarzeneggar by lifting weights.

## ACHIEVABLE

An achievable goal is anything that is possible. If the answer to 'Is it possible?' is 'yes', then that means you have a goal you can achieve.

To demonstrate the difference, consider these:

_Achievable_ : Tonight I am going to screw ten women in the nightclub bathroom.

_Unachievable_ : Tonight I am going to have a threesome with Marilyn Monroe and Queen Elizabeth I.

_Achievable_ : I am going to lose weight by drinking nothing but water for a whole year.

_Unachievable_ : I am going to lose weight by dancing salsa on the moon.

_Achievable_ : I am going to get a body like Arnold Schwarzeneggar by trying to pick up parked cars.

_Unachievable_ : I am going to get a body like Arnold Schwarzeneggar by cutting off his head and gluing mine onto his body.

## REALISTIC

Do you truly believe you can achieve this goal? If the answer is no, then change your goal. This is the most important part of a goal that many guys get wrong.

Realistic is all about whether you believe it's actually possible. It's about taking the next logical step. It's not about trying to reach for the stars so you can get to the moon. Realistic is about what you totally believe you are capable of, but haven't yet tried.

By setting realistic goals, you'll always feel like you're going to be successful every time you go out because your goals will always be within your reach.

What you need to do is get into a state of 'flow' as described by psychology professor Mihlay Csíkszentmihályi in his seminal work _Flow: The Psychology of Optimal Experience_. 'Flow' is when you are engaged in something that is difficult enough to hold your attention and poses enough of a challenge for you to be engaged; however not so difficult that you get overly frustrated. Once you achieve a state of flow, you will be at your happiest.

Video games are exclusively designed to hold you in a state of flow and get progressively harder at the same rate you get better at the game. We get bored of video games when they progress too slowly or when they get too hard too quickly. We actively seek a state of flow. When setting realistic goals, we want to set them so that they are a challenge and will engage us emotionally, but not so difficult as to scare us and prevent us from taking action.

Imagine I called you right now and said 'Hey dude! Amazing news – there is a playboy model just outside your house! All you need to do is go outside and attract her!'

Is it achievable for you to go outside your house and attract her? As in 'Is it possible?' The answer is 'yes, it is'. She is available and right outside your house. There's no reason you cannot achieve this.

However, is it probable that you will be able to attract this gorgeous lady with little to no experience attracting women? Most likely not.

This demonstrates the difference between Achievable and Realistic goals.

Here, I'm going to provide examples of Realistic and Unrealistic goals:

_Realistic_ : I'm going to approach 10 women and ask them for the time.

_Unrealistic_ : I'm going to attract 10 women and get their number even though I have never done this before and am scared enough to poop my pants.

_Realistic_ : I'm going to lose weight by going on a diet of eating 2500 calories a day.

_Unrealistic_ : I'm going to lose weight by going on a diet of just 1000 calories a day even though I've never dieted in my life and crave food constantly.

_Realistic_ : I'm going to get bigger biceps by creating a weekly weight-lifting routine of slowly incrementing weights that I will rigidly stick to for many months.

_Unrealistic_ : I'm going to get 22 inch biceps just like Arnold Schwarzeneggar by lifting 50kg dumbbells even though I have trouble holding up a pen.

All of these goals are achievable. However some are not very realistic.

## TIME-BOUND

All goals must have a deadline otherwise we procrastinate. A deadline helps you to keep focused on completing the goal and creates the sense of urgency you desperately require.

Examples of time-bound goals are:

This Saturday, I'm going to approach 10 women and ask them for the time. I must complete this goal within 4 hours.

I'm going to lose weight by going on a diet of 2500 calories a day for 6 months until July 31st of this year starting Monday

I'm going to get 22 inch biceps just like Arnold Schwarzeneggar by lifting progressively heavier weights 5 days a week for the next 3 years starting Monday after work

Put all of these elements together and we have a S.M.A.R.T goal. Here are some examples:

Setting S.M.A.R.T goals the right way will help your self-confidence skyrocket (and thus help attract beautiful women to you).

## Self Confidence

I want to take a moment to talk about self-confidence and what it means. What is self-confidence?

You might say it's when a guy has no insecurities or when a man can attract a lot of beautiful women.

I have a different idea of it.

At its core, I describe self-confidence as ''Your willingness to tackle tasks that are unfamiliar and previously not attempted". This means that you are willing to attempt tasks that you know nothing about.

For example, if I asked you to get up on a table in a packed room and do an Elvis impression, I imagine you would feel uncomfortable, as you have never attempted this before (as far as I'm guessing). If you actually got up on that table and did an Elvis impression, that whole room would clap and see you as being self-confident, regardless of how bad you are at Elvis impressions.

This is the defining difference between insecure and self-confident people. That being said, it is not the only feature of self-confidence.

In his best-selling book ' _Learned Optimism: How to change your mind and your life_ ' Martin Seligman talks about his well-known experiment with dogs. Here is a run-down of the experiment:

He takes three groups of dogs, puts them in a room.

Group 1 dogs are the control. He is leashed and eventually gets released. Nothing interesting happens to these dogs.

Group 2 dogs are leashed with a collar capable of producing electric shocks and a button near their feet.

Group 3 dogs are also leashed with an electric collar and a button near their feet. Their collars are electronically yoked to Group 2's collars.

In this experiment, Group 2 and Group 3 receive painful electric currents from their collars. The difference between Group 2 and Group 3 is that when Group 2 pushes the button near their feet, the painful current turns off and they go on with their day. When Group 3 however pushes the button near their feet, nothing happens. Group 3 can't do anything about the current until Group 2 find and press their buttons. This ensures that Groups 2 and 3 both experience equal degrees of physical distress.

What did these dogs learn?

– Group 1 dogs learnt nothing from the experiment. They were the control.

– Group 2 dogs learnt that when shit happens- like painful electric shocks- they can push a button and it all goes away.

– Group 3 dogs learnt that when shit happens, there's nothing they can do about it. They just have to wait for it to stop.

This experiment is repeated a number of times over the next week.

Seligman put the same dogs under another experiment soon after. The dogs were placed into a small two-level shuttle box, with the bottom level electrified to pass a painful shock similar to the collar. When the current was turned on, the dogs could simply jump up onto the easy to see higher-level.

Here's what happened:

When the electric current got turned on, Group 1 dogs jumped straight away to the small step to get away from the current.

Group 2 dogs also jumped directly to the small step to get away from the current.

But what did Group 3 do?

When the electric current was turned on, Group 3 dogs all heartbreakingly laid down on it and whimpered. These dogs could clearly see that there was a step to get away from the current but didn't jump away.

Once the experiments were over, Group 3 dogs stopped eating. They stopped having any interest in female dogs and stopped showing any signs of being happy. By all definition, these dogs were clinically depressed.

After Seligman completed these experiments with the dogs, he noticed the same pattern appear in people who were clinically depressed. Over many months of working with these people, he found they felt they had no control over their lives and that everything just happens to them without their input. In essence, they learnt the same lessons Group 3 learnt in life; when shit happens, there's nothing they can do about it. They learned they had no control over their lives.

Conversely, he went on to study and interview people who scored highly on 'happiness indexes'. He found that those people felt like they could control all aspects of their lives, even things that aren't rationally controllable such as the stock market and even the weather.

By evaluating how much control people felt over their lives, he could accurately predict who would win elections and who would be more successful coming out of college.

When it comes to self-confidence, the most important element is perceived control. If you don't feel like you have any control over attracting women, you will put it in the 'too hard' basket and any perceived control you do have will disappear.

Let's say we can measure self-confidence between 1 and 10: 1 being the least self-confident and 10 being the most self-confident; and that your self-confidence level is 5 – smack bang in the middle.

Let's say you have never approached a woman in a bar before in your life and I take you out tonight. You're a little bit nervous so I offer to approach a lady just so you can see how it's done. You like that idea so you agree.

I approach a woman and she responds positively to me straight away. She's laughing, blushing and touching my hand to show interest. I say goodbye to her, come back to you and say, 'Easy right?' You think to yourself 'Awesome! I want exactly what happened there. My goal for tonight is to approach every girl and have them laugh and touch my hand just like what happened to Damien!'

Is it a S.M.A.R.T goal? Yes. Does it make sense? Sure... so you approach the prettiest girl you can see and you get rejected outright. She turns around and says 'Can't you see we're having a conversation!?' You come back to me emotionally wounded and ready to go home, crawl into a little ball and cry yourself to sleep.

Where is your self-confidence now? Shot down to a 3.

Second night you go out with me and have a new S.M.A.R.T goal to make three approaches. You make some improvements and the conversations last a little longer, but still not far enough. You can't seem to get women to respond positively even if your life depends on it. You struggle another night and just feel dreadful.

Where's your self-confidence now? Shot down to a 2.

On the third week you push yourself to come out with me one more time. I say on the night that you must approach six girls. You make more changes, some of your conversations go to ten minutes, but ultimately the women still have no interest in you and you get no good responses like the ones you saw happening to me. How likely am I to get you out the next weekend? You're emotionally beaten and have created trauma around going out and trying to attract women. Confidence level? At 1.

So what happened? All your goals were S.M.A.R.T goals as I talked about earlier. They made sense right?

Sure they did, except for one thing...

How much control do you have of getting women to respond to you by laughing and touching your hand? Not much at all. Sure you can try to influence the outcome, but in reality, you don't have much control whatsoever of how women will respond to you.

This is why all your S.M.A.R.T goals are not effective on their own and will not help you to increase your self-confidence. **Your S.M.A.R.T goals must be ones that you are in complete control of.**

The examples above may have been effective at getting you to approach women and take action, but they were ineffective at building your self-esteem.

On the following table are some examples of S.M.A.R.T goals you are in control of and S.M.A.R.T goals you are not in control of.

If you complete goals you are in control of, you'll feel successful regardless of how many women reject you. By setting goals that are in your control, you minimize frustration and can focus on being happy by simply completing what you set out to do.

By setting goals you are in complete control of, you change your focus from being outcome dependent to being intrinsically rewarded for taking action on something that scares you. The reward in effect becomes intrinsic rather than extrinsic and women will no longer have the ability to determine if you feel good or bad. Your interpretation of the night out will change dramatically with the shift in control perspective.

Let's consider your first night out with me again if instead you focused only on goals you had complete control of.

How do you think you would feel if you had never talked to a woman before in your life, and we agreed that tonight we would go out and you'd just approach one hot woman, to face your fear head on and pop your approaching cherry? Scared? YES! But probably determined to get that one first approach out of the way.

So you go out on the first night, and BAM!- you do something you've never done before, you approach a really hot woman. Something you have never dared to do before in your entire life. How do you feel about yourself? Sure she didn't respond well, but that wasn't the purpose was it?

You come out the second week, and you tell me "Damien, I'm going to approach more women tonight than I did last time, and I'm going to focus on telling a joke at the beginning of every interaction." So you go out, and sure enough you approach three women and the interactions go for a tiny bit longer. You've approached three times as many women than ever before in your life, and the change you made with telling a joke resulted in interactions lasting a tiny bit longer. Do you know how you'll feel? FANTASTIC! You are consistently pushing your edge and entering into the unknown.

By the third week you are probably pretty eager to head out and push yourself even harder. So you decide to double the number of approaches again to six approaches, AND you are going to focus on telling your passion stories in every interaction. Sure enough a couple of your interactions go for over ten minutes, the longest you've ever been able to hold a woman's attention, and it's all because of very real changes YOU decided to make yourself. How do you feel? Amazing of course. And yes the actual results were exactly the same as the first time around when you had goals you weren't in control of. How's your self confidence level looking now?

Focusing only on what you can control has a massive impact on your self-confidence levels.

Once you finish your goals, give yourself permission to relax and take it easy. You can continue to talk to women if you wish but if you don't – it's completely fine- just hang out and bask in the glory of winning this round.

Keep your goals in perspective and make them progressively harder as your attraction skills improve. Always be pushing yourself to new heights and reaping the rewards of building self-confidence. You will only be happy after you complete your goals if you know that you have pushed yourself outside your comfort zone.

Let me tell you the humorous tale of Sir Fantail.

From the moment I met him, the first thing he did was make it abundantly clear he wanted sex and lots of it- 'vagina up to his elbows'. Fair enough. I explained how he could go about achieving this through S.M.A.R.T goals in great detail during his first theory session. I asked him and the other students to write down their goals for their first outing in a few days time.

On the night of the outing, Sir Fantail surprised me. This is how the conversation went:

_Me_ : Fantail, what are your S.M.A.R.T goals for tonight?

_Sir Fantail_ : Well... I'd like to finger a Swedish girl while her Norwegian friend watches in the upstairs pool bathroom.

Surprised at the reply, I tried to keep a straight face

**Me** : Uh, Okay... What are the chances you'll find a Swedish girl in a Sydney nightclub that has a Norwegian friend?... that will let you finger her?... in a specific bathroom?...and be able to convince her Norwegian friend to watch? AND most importantly, how much of this are you in control of?

**Sir Fantail** : Hmm... Good point. Let me think about another goal.

A few minutes later he said:

**Sir Fantail** : Okay Damien I got it. I know exactly what my goal is. I've scaled it back. My goal for tonight is to finger a Nordic chick in front of her Nordic friend in any bathroom in the club!!

He looked at me bright-eyed waiting for me to say 'Great Job' as me and my junior coach Sir Chupachup looked at one another and held back our laughter as much as we possibly could.

At that point I decided it would be better if I set goals for him.

_Me_ : Here's the thing. You are always going to be sexual without tact or a lot of subtlety. Your brain just doesn't work that way which is fine. I want you to focus on just talking to girls tonight.

Let's take it one step at a time. You're going to find three women.

_Sir Fantail_ : Three women?

_Me_ : Yes three women that will talk to you. And you're going to find one thing about her that you think is awesome and you're going to tell her why you think it's awesome.

_Sir Fantail_ : Okay (scratching his head clearly disappointed that he wasn't going to finger a Nordic chick that night).

By the end, Sir Fantail did make out with a girl. He went home happy about that.

Some of you will have trouble understanding the difference between what you can do and what you want to do, just like Sir Fantail. If you're ever in doubt, it's better to have an easy goal that you can change than a hard goal that lands you in prison.

Call forth Sir Gelato!

One night, Sir Gelato's goal was to try and sexually escalate without some sort of pre-prepared pick up line. He was talking to this pretty lady for a while, and said 'you seem like the kind of woman I could get along with'. She said 'I like the way you think.' He replied 'I get the impression you'd like the way I do a number of things.' She smiled, ripped his shirt open, broke all the buttons and started kissing his neck in the club. It was an amazing moment to be a part of. Sir Gelato couldn't believe it happened to him. Afterwards, it was very funny watching him try to explain to the bouncers why his shirt wasn't done up.

This is a classic example of how goals that are within your control can have interesting and enjoyable side effects.

#  PRACTICE WORKSHEET

Create a S.M.A.R.T goal you're in control of for one thing every day this week that you will accomplish. 7 S.M.A.R.T goals in total

Example :

I Want: I want to wake up and meditate

Specific: I will wake up to meditate every morning

Measurable: for 10 minutes

Achievable: I will achieve this by setting my alarm for 6:45am

Realistic: and putting the alarm clock on the other side of the room so I have to wake up to get it.

Timeframe: for the next 7 days

I will wake up to meditate every morning for 10 minutes. I will achieve this by setting my alarm clock for 6:45am and putting the alarm clock on the other side of the room so I have to wake up to turn if off. I will do this every morning for the next 7 days.

APPRENTICE

#  Chapter 5. THE CLUTCH OF COWARDICE

' _I got in a fight one time with a really big guy, and he said, "I'm going to mop the floor with your face." I said, "You'll be sorry." He said, "Oh, yeah? Why?" I said, "Well, you won't be able to get into the corners very well.'_

— _Emo Philips_

Approach distress is the less potent cousin of the Amygdala Hijack. Whilst the Amygdala Hijack- and the overwhelming inability to take action that comes with it- will disappear over time, approach distress will always be your buddy. I mean really, what are friends for?

I have been regularly and consistently approaching beautiful women for over ten years now, and I have a mountain of success stories behind me (if I do say so myself). Yet I still feel a degree of distress at the thought of approaching unfamiliar women. I am not alone in this – all men connected to their emotions feel the same way.

You cannot make approach distress completely go away, and the harder you try to 'will' yourself to stop being scared of approaching that hot blonde on the other side of the bar, the worse you are actually making it for yourself.

As with Amygdala Hijack, what we can do is have strategies to reduce the anxiety and stop it from holding you back. Over time, approach distress will begin to turn into excited anticipation similar to what you'd feel before going on a scary theme park ride- butterflies in your tummy and all that. Once you come out of it alive at the other end, you feel pretty freakin' amazing.

In fact, when you stop feeling approach distress altogether, it usually indicates that you've stopped being open and have emotionally shut down. This indicates a deep emotional issue that is much worse for your mental health than if you simply learn to love this feeling.

When we feel distress from the thought of approaching a beautiful lady, we may experience symptoms such as:

Fear

Trembling Hands

Butterflies

Sweating

Hyperventilation

Weak Knees

Heart Racing

Nervousness

Heavy Breathing

Self Doubt

As we learned when we talked about Amygdala Hijack, these fears are a perfectly natural process. Approach distress symptoms vary depending on the way you learned to handle stress as you grew up. Some guys were lucky enough to learn about managing fear early on in their lives without ever having to work at it consciously. These guys are the ones that do well with women without receiving any attraction education. The rest of us haven't learned lessons about dealing with fear effectively; or had the lessons we learnt overridden or destroyed by some traumatic event. Either way, what we need to do is teach our brains how to act effectively in spite of fear, and how to actually enjoy the process.

## Systematic Desensitization

So how do we do this?

There is a very well known form of therapy designed to overcome phobias and anxieties. This is known as Systematic Desensitisation, or Immersion Therapy developed by South African psychiatrist Joseph Wolpe.

To give an example of how Systematic Desensitisation works, consider someone with a fear of spiders. Typically, the therapy starts off with the patient being asked to talk about spiders, thus forcing them to think about and visualize spiders. They are then asked to number their level of discomfort on a scale of 1 to 10- 1 being relaxed and 10 being trying to climb the walls in utter distress.

The patient is asked to continue talking about spiders until their fear has reduced to around a 2 or 3.

Once that happens, they are then exposed to photos of spiders and asked to rank their discomfort on a scale of 1 to 10 again. The patient keeps looking at photos of spiders and talks about them with the therapist until their anxiety goes down to a 2 or 3.

Then the patient would be placed at one end of a room, and at the other end would be a live spider locked in a glass case. Again the patient would rank their anxiety levels.

Each stage gets progressively more and more challenging until at the last level, where the patient holds a live spider and works to decrease their anxiety level down to a 2 or 3.

This is how Systematic Desensitisation works, and is widely accepted as a highly effective form of anxiety-reducing therapy. In fact it's the most widely used solution for treating conditions such as phobias and other irrational fears.

Do you believe that a fear of approaching gorgeous women is a rational fear?

Of course it isn't. In fact, an irrational fear is otherwise known as a phobia. The clinical term for fear of beautiful women is called Venustrophobia.

## Desensitization Therapy

Now that you have been diagnosed (you're welcome), you will be using Systematic Desensitization therapy on yourself until your anxiety levels drop down to a 2 or 3.

Before Joseph Wolpe developed Systematic Desensitisation, he was engaged in Desensitisation therapy. Obviously, this type of therapy had no systematic part to it. Joseph Wolpe took guys who had phobias of cars, put them in straightjackets and locked them down in his passenger seat. Then drove around until they became less hysterical. He also threw people into rooms full of snakes when they had snake phobias and bathtubs full of bugs if they were terrified of creepy crawlies. What he found was that this therapy was only effective for 30% of his patients. The rest maintained their phobias, and many (not surprisingly!) got much worse than before.

I mention desensitisation therapy here because it is common for guys to feel like they need to go out and launch themselves head on into a cheerleading squad no matter how scared they are. The best thing you can do is stop forcing yourself to make intimidating approaches, and take it back a notch until you become desensitised.

Here is an example of the systematic desensitisation process for treating Venustrophobes. Each stage must be worked through until you get your anxiety level down to a 2 or 3. In other words, each stage has to become boring to do before you move to the next step.

Approach a guy working in a store and ask him where the bathrooms are.

Approach a woman working in a store and ask her where the nearest bathrooms are.

Approach a girl in the street and ask her where the nearest McDonalds is.

Approach a girl in the street and ask her where the nearest McDonalds is, THEN ask her how her day is going.

And so on...Do not skip levels of desensitisation. We all like to think of ourselves as being at a higher level than we truly are. This is why I want you to start with the easiest level, even if it's boring for you- then move up each level. You won't know where you are if you start at an arbitrary level. This arbitrary level can be more difficult than expected and can create unnecessary trauma.

The Tale of Sir Mintslice

A few years ago I met Sir Mintslice, a Canadian professional hockey player, while he was holidaying in Sydney. We quickly became friends. As you can imagine, Sir Mintslice had no problems leveraging lovely ladies in Canada. And as a confident, good-looking man he tended to do well wherever he went.

We went out to the iconic Bondi Beach on a hot day together (it wasn't a date I swear!). I went for a quick swim and when I came back, he pointed out this beautiful blonde maiden in a bright red bikini. He was practically frothing at the mouth and said she was the hottest woman he had seen in months. Half an hour went by and all he wanted to talk about was this girl. I asked why he didn't go up and talk to her. He said 'Man, I have to talk to her but I feel so nervous. Look at me, I'm shaking right now and I'm sweating like crazy'. Sure enough he showed me his hand, which was wobbling like a drunk tavern strumpet trying to walk in a straight line for the benefit of law enforcement.

What was he to do?

In the beginning approaching seems like the hardest part of attraction. Truth is you just make it hard for yourself.

Most of you that want to learn how to attract women are naturally introverted. If you knew me personally, you would struggle to believe that I myself am largely introverted. When I first started, I had a fair bit of chronic fear. The usual advice I would hear was 'Just go approach, keep doing it and you'll get over it...' and the similar statement 'Who cares what you say, just go talk to them'. These are rarely beneficial to anyone struggling with fear, as we have established that fear itself is irrational.

So what are the chief underlying insecurities holding us back when we have a fear of approaching a woman?

– Not knowing what you're going to say.

– Looking like a sleaze-ball.

– Not knowing what her friends are like.

– Not knowing what her reaction will be.

– Not knowing how to deal with an unexpected response.

– Not knowing if you're going to make a fool of yourself.

– Not knowing, not knowing, not knowing...

With all the uncertainty, before even attempting to approach the following thoughts would race through my head at a million miles an hour.

– How weird it is to talk to someone random.

– How weird they're going to think I am for coming over and talking to them.

– How humiliated I'll be when it goes pear shaped.

Sound familiar perhaps...?

When you first see a lady, what actually happens in your head?

In the first second, you think about how attractive she is.

In the following seconds you ask 'Is she the type of woman I'll get along with?'

### Confirmation Bias

The above two are based heavily on our internal biases. The sort of lady you find attractive is based on your internal partialities. This is based on a range of factors such as your experience, your habits, your beliefs, and the female influences in your life. As you can see it takes milliseconds to make a judgment about someone based on internal thinking habits.

This is because our brains are lazy and wired specifically to save time and effort. When we see something that looks suspiciously like a chair, we assume it has all the properties of most other chairs we know, such as the fact that if we plant our derrieres on it, it won't fall apart. If we couldn't make such assumptions about the world around us, we would forever be lost trying to test and re-test every chair we ever see, every pizza we ever look at, and every computer we ever try to turn on.

The human brain categorises things very quickly and efficiently. In general this system works incredibly well. But it can lead to a kind of informational blindness called 'Confirmation Bias'. Confirmation bias is what occurs when you make your mind up about your opinion on something.

Take politics for example. If you vote for Political Party A, then you instantly become blind to anything good that Political Party B does, and instantly blind to most of the bad that Political Party A does. It isn't something you do on purpose either, you literally don't notice it.

So what does this mean? Confirmation Bias means that once you have made your mind up about something, you tend to only see evidence to support what you already believe and struggle to see evidence that contradicts it.

### First Impression

So if you approach a woman who at first thinks 'this guys is nice, but a bit wimpy for me, I think he's more of a friend', then you are really going to have to fight hard for her to notice that her first impression may have been wrong- as opposed to creating a first impression of 'wow this guy is confident and knows what he wants', where you will breeze through the entire interaction and really have to screw up badly to ruin it.

Knowing this does not mean that you simply have to give a great first impression because having a great first impression isn't enough. In an initial meeting, you have five minutes to make your mark on a lady.

Here's your breakdown of those five minutes.

– Your first appearance gets you the first five seconds of her time.

– Your first words get you the next thirty seconds of her time.

– If those thirty seconds go well, you get another minute.

– If this minute goes well, you get three minutes.

– If those three minutes go well, you've got the rest of the initial meeting and you're on easy street.

Each of these is called your Window of Opportunity. If you get the first impression right, you start off on the right foot, and even if you get a couple of things wrong, the lady is more inclined to forgive you. This is how we use confirmation bias to our advantage. The lady has already got a certain idea of what you're like based on her first impression of you. All you need to do is make sure her first impression of you is very positive.

This is where state is vital. If you've demonstrated you're confident, funny, happy and intelligent before you've even approached the lady, your chances of her being open and warm to you is very likely. Most women wouldn't want to be caught dead checking out a guy, but their peripheral vision is much better than a man's. So assume that lady has already seen you and that you've already made a first impression, as most likely, you have. Besides, this assumption forces you to keep your state in check at all times.

The first impression is your first window of opportunity and is the most important part of your interaction as it sets the tone for how well your initial meeting goes. Therefore in the beginning, keeping a positive state should get ninety percent of your attention and hard work.

So how do you get over the anxiety and learn to give a great first impression?

## FEEL THE FEAR AND DO IT ANYWAY

Accept that these fears are not rational. Other men are approaching, talking to random women, and getting lucky. Accept that all men have had these fears at some point in their dating lives and that you are no exception. Remember this mantra and say it to yourself: 'Even if I am scared, I'm willing to do what's necessary'.

Any emotion that we fight and push away is only going to magnify over time. There is a lot of power in accepting that you're willing to feel fear and act otherwise. In fact, doing so gives you the much needed boost to your self-esteem.

## FAKE IT TILL YOU MAKE IT

You smile when you're happy and when you're happy you smile. When you start to get anxious, your face and body language show how you feel and this affects not only your success rate with women but also your whole outlook on attracting women. A good strategy is to fake it till you make it. This is because your brain gets emotional cues from your body, therefore even a fake smile will make you feel happier.

Here are some ways to fake it:

Force yourself to smile, even though you don't feel like smiling.

Keep eyes fixed straight ahead. Never stare at the floor.

Take slow, deep long breaths in and out through the nose. Ensure you exhale all the way.

Slow down your eye movements and body movements.

Purposely start talking slowly to your Cohort.

These will help you move away from your negative feelings and start focusing on being present.

## THE 5-SECOND RULE

Approach distress and the dreaded Amygdala Hijack actually takes anywhere from five to ten seconds to kick in and one to five minutes to get into full swing. The easiest way to avoid this occurring is to do the task you are afraid of before your Emotional brain has a chance to ruin everything for you.

This is why you must approach within five seconds of you seeing a woman you like.

This can be very hard to get used to as most of us are conditioned to stop and consider all possible options and outcomes before acting. However thinking about outcomes will do us a lot more harm than good in social situations. The 5-Second Rule works by firstly circumventing the Amygdala Hijack and secondly, sidestepping any emotional hang-ups you have about being around beautiful women. It just doesn't give you time to think about them, and that's the beauty of it.

## APPROACH A GIRL RIGHT AWAY

Approach a girl as soon as you arrive at the place where you will be approaching girls. Get yourself straight into it. This prevents wasting a lot of time 'looking' for the right girls to approach. If you start your session without procrastination, you're unlikely to procrastinate the whole time. The amount of effort you put in at the beginning of your day/night strongly determines how much energy you will put in as time goes on.

## APPROACH THE MOST BEAUTIFUL GIRL FIRST

Approach the most intimidating girl first. I understand this sounds counterproductive (not to mention puts your underwear at risk from soiling), but this will set the tone for the whole outing. No woman will be as scary and intimidating as that gorgeous woman you approach first. Doing this gives you a huge energy rush and everything else you do that night will be perceived as easier in comparison, allowing you to relax and have fun with it.

## NO MORE THAN TWENTY MINUTES BETWEEN TALKING TO DIFFERENT GIRLS

When you leave your initial meeting with a lady, you're in a higher energy state. The last thing you want to do is wait half an hour and let all your high energy disappear before approaching the next girl. Approach distress is likely to rear its ugly head when you wait too long and this can lead to the dreaded hijack. Never leave more than twenty minutes between saying hello to different girls. Twenty minutes is plenty of time to go to the bathroom, grab a drink of water and get to being social again.

## TAKE SOME TIME OUT WHEN IT ALL GETS TOO MUCH

We covered this already in an earlier chapter, but it's an important strategy in dealing with hairy moments so I'll mention it again. This is also demonstrated marvellously in the Tale of Sir Profiterole.

Sir Profiterole's first session was during the day. He started the day bouncing with excitement and made three approaches. These approaches weren't terrible, as in he didn't get rejected outright, but they didn't go too well either. He hadn't gotten any numbers or a lot of interest from the girls. He was beginning to lose it. I pointed out a cute Asian girl sitting under a tree reading and waited for him to approach. After standing and staring for about ten seconds he walked five steps towards her before abruptly turning around and coming straight back. 'Sorry I freaked out on this one' he mumbled.

Two minutes later, I pointed out a delicious blonde damsel eating a sandwich. I said 'Approach her and ask her how her lunch is going.' He looked at her for a second, and then looked at the ground. He said 'D, I'm really struggling right now.'

I smiled and said 'Forget about women for the next ten minutes. You're not allowed to even think about women.'

'Okay' he said, bemused.

'But promise me that after ten minutes, you'll approach the next girl I see, and I'll even tell you what to say so you don't need to even think about it.'

Sir Profiterole nodded his head in grateful compliance. I held out my hand, looked him right in the eye and said ' A deal's a deal'. He shook my hand.

I asked Sir Profiterole 'What do you do for work?'

'I'm in IT, I did engineering at university'.

'Do you enjoy IT?' I prodded.

'I did before, but now it's boring.'

He seemed very unhappy about his life.

'Well that doesn't sound like fun. What would you do if you could do anything in the world?'

'Well I suppose I'd like to have a job where I get to be social and introduce people to people' he said. 'Like a recruiter. Or in events management or something like that'.

'That's interesting. Why?'

He said 'Well I helped a life coaching company run a few events in college and I loved it. I got to meet new people, made heaps of friends and really enjoyed myself '. He shared some interesting stories of his life in college and I could see his excitement rising, his eyes lighting up and his brain ticking with the idea of a potential career change.

I said 'Sir Profiterole, you know what you need to do?'

'What?'

'There's a really cute blonde sitting right behind us. Go talk to her.'

He went in straight away and it was the best initial meeting anyone had that day. The passion and enthusiasm from my conversation with him came across in his conversation with the blonde. He was smiling, having fun and he even discussed his potential career change with her. Once he did that, his mood changed completely and his anxiety vanished like a politician's money at a call girl convention.

## FIND PEOPLE WHO APPROACH

Surround yourself with people that approach. If your Cohorts are regularly approaching, you will likely fall in line and do the same. As I mentioned in Chapter 2 – you are the average of your environment. If your friends are regularly approaching and having a great time, you will also learn to approach and have a great time. If your friends are hanging out in the corner of the bar with drinks in their hands, wasting time and suffering approach distress, you will do the same.

By combining the strategies we learnt in Chapter 4 with this chapter, you have some awesome ways to overcome approach distress and move away from the fear of approaching.

Once you have worked on your positive state, it's time to approach, just like Sir Mintslice eventually did that fateful day at Bondi Beach.

After half an hour he finally did get up to talk to the beauty on the beach in spite of his hands shaking. And it turned out very well for him. They spent the remainder of his time in Sydney together, and they are still good friends to this day. Pretty cool...

# Chapter 6. Meeting Maidens

' _With sufficient thrust, pigs fly just fine.'_

— _R. Callon_

Now I know you want to jump out of your saddle and join the action quick smart- but before you do I want to have a word with you about Cohorts. Chances are if you're going to be doing any serious Crusading, it's going to be with a Cohort by your side.

## FINDING AND BEING A COHORT

A Cohort is basically an accomplice that accompanies you on your Crusades. He is there to help, support, strategize with you, and more importantly add to the fun. Likewise, you are there to do the same for him- you are your Cohort's Cohort.

Learning to attract women with someone by your side is a good idea. Your Cohort can inspire friendly competition, get you out of a bad state, and provide support when you really need it. Having a Cohort is especially important when learning to leverage ladies in the After Dark scene. Generally, guys feel like they have to be either super strange or super confident to go out alone in the After Dark scene... and let's just say you don't yet feel super confident. Having a Cohort is also great for helping raise your mood when you come out of a bad interaction or to reduce approach distress. I often become an invaluable Cohort to my students by approaching ladies myself- then introducing the student to them if they're really struggling. Never underestimate the value of crusading with a good Cohort.

When you and your Cohort ride out together, it's important that you both know and set the ground rules. This prevents any confusion and ensures no one gets hurt.

### The Cohort's Code

  1. Whoever talks to the girl(s) first is in control.

  2. **Determine if the Cohort wants you to join his interaction.** If you see your Cohort talking to girls and you're thinking of joining in, your Cohort has to allow that. Go up to him and say 'Hey dude, have you seen Rachel?' This is code for 'Can I join this conversation?' If your Cohort says 'No man but let me introduce you to Griselda and Rosemary (or whatever the girls' names are)' then you're in. If he says 'Yeah man, I think she went upstairs somewhere', this means 'Go away'. There's no need to get upset if your Cohort turns you away. Sometimes they're in a great vibe with girls and someone else coming in would ruin the whole atmosphere. Just move on and find your own lady to talk to. On the other hand, if your Cohort is struggling with the ladies he's talking to, having you there to help him will be a godsend.

  3. **Determine which lady you like.** If you and your Cohort spot a group of luscious ladies together, you must determine beforehand which lady each of you like. Don't approach together- it's never a good idea. When your Cohort is already talking to some ladies and you join in, the first girl that your Cohort introduces you to is the girl he likes. For example if he says '...meet Griselda and Rosemary', that means he's eyeing off Griselda. If he says '... meet Rosemary and Griselda', it means he wants to go for a raunchy romp with Rosemary. Therefore you talk to the other girl(s) and leave the first one alone.

  4. **Never leave two guys with one girl.** If the girl you're talking to goes to the bathroom, don't hang around talking to your Cohort and the girl he's interested in. Alternatively, relax and do your own thing, but don't get roped into their conversation. Move away. If you don't, this can mess up their vibe. You can come back later when the friend has returned.

  5. **Avoid cross-talk whenever possible.** Each of you should be in your own conversations shortly after introductions. Each of you should pick a girl and attempt to get into a one-on-one conversation. Work only with the girl you picked and don't interrupt your Cohort from working his magic with his lady. Avoid group conversations where possible. 'Divide and conquer' is the rule here.

  6. **No wasting time.** If you are bored or uninterested with an interaction, don't hang around with your Cohort. I see this all the time. When one guy doesn't like the girl, he hangs around because his friend likes the other one and he's being supportive. The trouble is that all too often, what happens is that both guys hang around to support one another when neither of them likes the girl they're talking to. This wastes a lot of time that you could be spending getting to know a lady you actually like. Leave the initial meeting politely but promptly. If you're too nice to just leave, have a signal that says 'I don't like this girl'. If one of you says "Hey dude, I just have to go catch up with Rachel" it means he's not having fun and is leaving. The Cohort can decide to stay or simply say, "Oh yeah man, I'd better come with you" and leave as well.

  7. **When the going gets tough, the tough get going.** If you are bombing out with a girl, then you shouldn't just hang around to be a good Cohort. If you aren't getting along with your girl then your presence could ruin things for your Cohort as well. Regardless of who opened first, if you are bombing out, don't hang around or you could make things worse.

So now that you've got a trusty fellow or two to ride out with, it's time to get yourself into some maidens! (Hopefully as literally as possible)

With approaching, I want to talk about creating the most powerful first impression possible.

This is extremely important to understand as Confirmation Bias is everything at this point.

You can approach the wrong way and still have a woman be friendly, but if she thinks 'Friend' or 'Creepy' then you'll never get anywhere without a huge amount of effort.

But if she thinks 'Confident', 'Direct' or 'Meow...' then you would have to put in an epic effort to screw things up.

I'm a big advocate of keeping things simple. I believe most body language issues get ironed out as you gain experience and gauge reactions from the fairer sex. There is absolutely no need to fill your head with where your arms, legs and eyebrows need to be in order to approach a lady. If you focus too much on body language and not on listening and observing, then you're bound to be unsuccessful.

I recommend doing the same things to approach a lady as you would do when buying oranges at the supermarket.

## LOOK IN HER EYES

You're in the supermarket and you spot the oranges over your left shoulder. There is a man stacking the oranges. If he notices you looking at the oranges, do you suddenly look away feeling very ashamed of yourself? Of course not!

Yet this is such a common occurrence when we notice a woman. You're looking at a girl and she realizes you're looking at her, so you suddenly look away as though you've been caught with your hand in the cookie jar. As if it's something to be ashamed of. There is nothing shameful about appreciating a woman! In fact, it is our job as men to do so.

In order to get the lady to stand up and notice you, you must not look away. Hold eye contact. Eye contact is important to all aspects of human interaction – especially when dealing with the ladies. Holding good, solid eye contact is a great demonstrator of confidence and leadership.

You'll find that by actively focusing on making and holding eye contact, you'll see big increases in the level of engagement and interest that people will have in you. As they say, the eyes are the windows to the soul, and when you look directly at a lady without shame you are letting her know that you have nothing to hide. This is a powerful message to give a lady.

When giving eye contact, focus on one eye- as moving your gaze from one eye to another is a sign of nervousness. And give her eye contact even if she isn't looking at you – this reinforces within you that you have enough confidence to look straight at her.

## SMILE LIKE A MOTHERFUCKER (SLAM)

When you're in the supermarket looking for your oranges, you gaze around at the shelves thinking 'Where the bloody hell are the oranges?' All of a sudden – Hallelujah!- you see them. Just seeing what you're looking for will instantly make you (consciously or subconsciously) smile to yourself. After all, you just found what you were searching for.

Smiling when we see something we want is a natural human response. Too many guys walk around with their 'game face' on. This face is serious, and shows very little emotion. I have mentioned how eye contact is very important, but can you imagine how creepy it would be if a stranger was staring at you from a distance with a very serious face? This would be quite intimidating and perhaps even a little threatening.

I don't mean smile like a motherfucker. I mean SMILE LIKE A MOTHERFUCKER. Smile like the most beautiful woman in the world has just paid you a million bucks for her and her friends to all practice their oral sex skills on you.

Yeah... smile like that.

What a difference a good, solid smile makes – even to the most unattractive of faces. Smiling makes you feel great even when you're faking it. Smiling makes you appear happy, approachable, intelligent, fun, and trustable – all qualities ladies want in a guy.

This sounds obvious enough but surprisingly, you'll find that when your nerves and rejection start to get the better of you, you will find your smile slipping. Simply focusing on keeping a friendly smile in place before you leave your house will make a huge difference.

## WALK DIRECTLY TO THE LADY

Let's take you back to those oranges at the supermarket (because you need your Vitamin C). When you see the oranges, do you pretend to first walk over to the apples and show interest in them so the guy stacking the oranges isn't onto you?

Of course not!

Yet men around the world do this time and again. We see a woman we like, and we think about approaching her 'less attractive' friend first so she isn't onto the fact that we like her.

Or do you walk past the oranges as though you haven't yet noticed them, then suddenly swing around and say, "Oh look, I didn't notice those oranges there!" so the guy stacking them thinks you stumbled across the oranges at the last minute whilst minding your own business?

Of course not!

We walk in the general direction of the woman we like, but we pretend not to notice her until the very last minute where we quickly swing around and make out as though we've just noticed her.

Women have much better peripheral vision than men. Imagine if she sees you walking over to her and pretending to notice her at the last minute. She might forgive you but she will know you were playing games and this will affect (consciously or subconsciously) her first impression of you.

Walk directly to her – no excuses.

## WALK WITH PURPOSE

Say you're still in the supermarket, looking for the oranges. You spy them over your left shoulder with the man slowly stacking them. Do you take a moment and close your eyes, summon your inner strength, then turn and walk very slowly and fearfully like you're marching to your death?

I certainly hope you don't, as this would probably be the wrong book for you. Instead I would recommend you read How to Bravely Confront Fruit, written by Nobody Ever.

Too often, when we see the woman we want, we walk over to her with the speed and manner of a traumatized sloth. This looks terrible, and also has a huge impact on how we feel about the approach and our body language when we actually start talking to her.

You want to approach a woman with the same speed that you might approach a friend you see walking by who hasn't noticed you yet. This is with determination, purpose and (usually) excitement.

You see a woman, you smile, you look right at her (regardless of whether she's looking at you or not), and you make a straight bee-line for her walking quickly and confidently. That's how you approach.

But now you're in front of her. What are you going to do?

I'll tell you what you're going to do -you're going to make eye contact, and you're going to SMILE LIKE A MOTHERFUCKER.

That and several other things.

## YOU'RE GOING TO STAND AT A COMFORTABLE DISTANCE

Hold your arms out in from of you. You need to stand close enough to the lady to be able to slap her face, but not close enough for you to elbow her. The place between your elbow and the tips of your fingernails is the optimal spot.

## YOU'RE GOING TO GET HER ATTENTION

You're going to talk to the girl you like first and not to her friend(s). This is how you indicate who you like. If you don't let the girls know which girl you're into, they'll decide for you. And in my experience that never works out well for anyone.

When Crusading After Dark, if a girl has her back to you before talking, firmly place your hand on her arm between her shoulder and elbow. This area of the body is impersonal and demonstrates friendliness. (Another impersonal place is the back however some people have a negative association with being patted on the back so let's play it safe.) Leave your hand there until she looks at you, THEN move your hand away and start talking. If she's facing away from you or side on, get in her line of sight. Never allow her the chance to ignore you. Always make sure your hand is firm enough that she feels your hand on her arm clearly.

You can also do this when Daylight Crusading, but most of the time you won't have to. If you do, make sure you NEVER block a girl's path or do anything that could be interpreted as physically threatening when doing so.

## YOU'RE GOING TO HAVE TO SAY SOMETHING

The first word you say must be loud and clear. Too many guys say the first word 'hello' very softly, and then move on to the rest of the conversation loudly. Your strength comes from the first word and you can be ignored if you don't speak strongly – which you don't want. Especially when Crusading After Dark, you must ensure you don't need to repeat what you say as it will be frustrating - especially when you have to repeat jokes. The first thing you say will show your level of confidence through the tone of your voice. You should NEVER NEVER NEVER get ignored on an approach. If you are getting ignored, then you're not doing it right.

### WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO SAY?

What is the first thing that's going to come out of your mouth? How about I give you the best pick up line in the world?

Okay, ready for it?

The best pick up line in the world is:

'If I said you were an angel, would you treat me like the devil tonight?'

Actually that's one of the worst pick up lines in the world- and one of the funniest.

The actual best pick up line when you first approach a woman is...

(drum roll)

For Crusading After Dark: 'Hey, how's your night going?'

For Daylight Crusading: 'Hey, how are you going today?'

It's far from the best pickup line in the world (if such a thing even exists) but it's the best default line to work with when you first start out. It works everywhere, and depends a lot on your delivery and body language.

In the After Dark scene, it's better to just approach and be friendly at first because you can come across as sleazy otherwise.

In the Daylight scene, it's also acceptable to use: 'Hey, I think you're really pretty. I just had to come say hello.'

It's better to be direct in the day and let her know that you think she is pretty because girls don't expect it. You have to get to the point as women in the day are generally on the move walking somewhere.

### WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO SAY AFTER THAT?

When she responds to you with something remarkable like 'good' or 'thanks' – what will you say next?

For Crusading After Dark, I suggest something like 'What are you celebrating tonight?' She can either say what she's celebrating or say she's not celebrating something in which case you reply with something witty like 'Bullshit, you're celebrating Friday!'

For Daylight Crusades, I suggest following up with 'what are you up to today?' From there you can simply ask her interesting questions about it or relate with a similar story of your own.

This marks the end of your approach and the beginning of the talking process. However, I'd like to mention common variables that require slight changes to the above criteria that will help you.

## SELECTING A MAIDEN

When starting out, it's best to pick women to approach:

– Who are happy

– Have open body language

– Are standing or sitting stationary (not moving around anywhere)

– Who are looking around

– Wearing bright clothing

These women will be easier to talk to because they are feeling extroverted and social. The best situation you'll find is three women all laughing and having fun together. They'll be easy to approach and you can have the lady you like all to yourself whilst the other two entertain one other.

Beware of women on their own in the After Dark scene. Women rarely go out alone or stand alone in clubs. Most times, women alone are waiting for a boyfriend as females tend to stick together.Women alone also tend to feel more vulnerable and therefore less friendly.

Learning to spot really approachable women is a bit of an art form that comes with lots of approaching experience.

## THE PERFECT MOMENT

The best time in the After Dark scene is to approach as early as possible. This is different in every city. In Sydney it's around 8-10pm, but if you were to hit the clubs between 8-10pm in Miami you'd be stuck playing with yourself the whole time.

Fact is, the more time that passes, the drunker the women get. You will literally see the perfectly poised princesses around you transform into wanton wenches (and that's not a good thing). When ladies are drunk, they get a case of ADD (Attention Deficit Disorder). One minute you'll be talking to them, the next minute they'll be distracted by the shiny disco ball. This can be very exasperating. Besides, at the beginning of the night no one's approaching so she'll remember you as the first one that made her feel good. This approach carries the most emotional weight. Later on in the night, she's already been approached by drunk and sleazy men and you will have to work harder on showing her that you're different.

The best time to approach in the daylight scene is around midday when the sun is out and ladies around are enjoying their lunch.

## WANDERING WENCHES

In the Daylight Scene, when women are walking it's usually because they have somewhere to go. Many guys avoid stopping women they want to talk to just because they don't know how to stop them. If you are doing a lot of daylight Crusading, it is of utmost importance you learn how to stop women so you can talk to them.

You can always stop every woman whilst she's walking. If you aren't able to, you're doing something wrong. Many guys find this difficult in the beginning- not because they don't know how to stop someone, but because they feel nervous about it. If you were walking down the street and needed to urgently stop a woman walking past to ask the time, get directions or call an ambulance or something, you would have no trouble stopping her. But everything changes in our minds when we want to stop a lady to try and get her number.

The first important rule is to never physically stop a woman. That can be interpreted in a lot of very negative ways and perhaps even get you into trouble. Bear in mind that you are bigger and stronger than most women you are going to talk to and as such, you can easily be perceived as a potential physical threat.

The second important rule is never to block a woman's walking path with your body. That is perceived as giving her no option and using your size against her. You must always give a woman the option of continuing to talk if she chooses to.

The trick is to actually walk up next to her and pass her up so that you have entered her line of vision. Keep going until you are about 6 feet in front of her, then turn around and just gently block her path with your hand, which would be held roughly waist height. The 6 foot gap gives her a chance to see that you have stopped, that you are looking at her and are gently asking her to stop walking for a moment.

In the After Dark scene, women don't move around for very long – they usually just go to the bar or the bathroom and back. Wait for them to become stationary before approaching because if you stop one girl while she's moving, chances are her friends will keep walking and she doesn't want to lose them. Sure, you can stop a lady with some determination and your hand held out roughly at waist height, but it's just more trouble than simply waiting for her to stop.

## PRINCESSES PLANTED ON THEIR POSTERIORS

It's no harder to approach a girl if she is sitting even though it can seem more intimidating (though it is harder to check out her ass).

When you approach while Crusading After Dark, introduce yourself to her, then wait for her to respond. If her response is positive, sit down next to her. If you sit down too soon, it can seem as though you're being presumptuous. Don't be afraid to kneel next to her if there are no spots available. Being on her level by sitting/kneeling is the best way to build rapport. Towering over a lady when you approach is intimidating and doesn't build rapport.

In the Daylight Scene most of the time you can just sit next to the lady and talk. You can also be less direct in what you say as she's not seemingly going anywhere. Use the default line 'Hey how's your day going?' If you don't have space to sit next to her, don't be afraid to kneel.

## LARGE GROUPS OF REVELERS

Usually, large groups mean they're celebrating something or a part of something (a Meetup group perhaps). If it's someone's birthday, hen's night, etc, find out who the main person is and introduce yourself to them. (This will be the birthday girl, the hen or the organizer.) This will get you into the group which means often the birthday girl/hen/organizer will introduce you to everyone else.

## WHEN MAIDENS REQUIRE A PHOTO

It's actually good to go up to women taking photos of themselves and offer to take a photo for them. You can have fun with the camera, perhaps just zoom into one of the girl's boobs and just take a photo of her boobs. Pretend like you had no idea how that happened, make them laugh and try again. Take a photo of them, then accuse the girl you like of blinking, or having a silly face in the photo. Take a few more photos for them and get them to do a pose for the camera.

If you make it fun, it's more likely they'll respond well and have fun with you.

If a girl asks you to take a photo of them, agree to take one on the condition you get one with them afterwards. This is an easy way to get a girl's Facebook contact.

## WHEN THERE'S A GROUP WITH GUYS AND GIRLS

Usually when there's a man in the group, we tend to get a little more intimidated.

When this happens, there are usually two scenarios:

**Two girls and one guy** – This usually means that the guy is dating one of the girls. Most of the time, you can clearly see which girl he's with. If the couple are interacting with each other and the single girl is the third wheel, you can just approach the single girl as you would normally approach. If all three of them are talking together, approach the single girl as you normally would but interact with all three of them in the beginning. Most of the time, the couple will leave you two alone quickly.

**A group of guys and girls** – This usually means you can't tell if the girl you like is single or with one of the guys in the group. In this case, approach the guy in the group that looks the most dominant. Say something like 'Hey mate, is that girl dating someone here?'. If he says 'yes she has a boyfriend' say 'cool man, he's/you're a lucky guy'. Then say goodbye. If he says 'no she's single' say 'mind if I say hello to her?' Most of the time, the guy will say 'Sure, no problem' and even sometimes introduce you to her.

## PAIRS OF DAMSELS

When it's two girls by themselves, you have to entertain both of them otherwise the girl you fancy will worry about her friend being alone instead of talking to you. Approach the girl you like first and make clear who you like early on. You can do this by teasing the girl you like and giving her most of your attention. The best way to include the friend in your conversation is by teasing the girl you like and bringing her friend in as your co-conspirator.

Here is an example:

_Me_ : "So how long have you two been friends?"

They reply with whatever.

I look to the friend and say 'Man that must have been tough for you'. The friend laughs and the girl I like pretends to be angry whilst she chuckles.

The friend might then give me some stories about the girl I like that will result in some more fun.

If the friend doesn't want to get involved in the conversation and leaves you to talk to her friend, this can be a very good sign. Don't allow yourself to stress out and think that you have to entertain her friend. The friend won't try to pull the girl you like away unless she can clearly see that she wants to get away. Women understand body language far better than us guys, so if the friend can see the girl you like responding well to you- she will rarely interfere.

It's also a good idea to ask for her number in front of her friend. Asking a woman for her phone number in front of her friend is a very powerful move to make. This gives a huge boost to a woman's ego to be hit on by a man in front of her friends. Likewise, women know that it requires guts to ask for a number with an audience watching.

The Tale of Sir Condensedmilk

Sir Condensedmilk started with six months approaching experience under his belt, so he wasn't a complete Squire. As with all guys that have been out crusading, he thought he knew exactly what was going wrong for him. On his first session I talked about approaching right. He came up to me afterwards and said it was a shame I spent so long talking about approaching because he'd nailed that part like a $2 hooker. I nodded politely and asked him what his problems were. He said the problem he had was that he can open the initial meeting well and can build rapport, but when he tries to make things sexual women get confused because they just see him as a friend.

We went out a few days later and sure enough, I could see that he would approach and girls would respond favorably, then about ten to fifteen minutes into the conversation he would tell the maiden he liked her and she would suddenly get confused and lose interest.

When I saw this happen twice, I suggested to Sir Condensedmilk that he focus on his approach. He wasn't pleased about my idea of revisiting approaching and thought it was a waste of time. Because obviously to him that wasn't the problem.

I made a deal with him. If he would humor me and focus on approaching for the rest of the night, he would never have to hear me talk about it again.

He rolled his eyes to tell me what a waste of time this will be, but he agreed. I got him to approach directly, and stop pretending to notice her at the last minute. I made him approach the girl he liked first and make clear at the beginning that he was hitting on her.

Gosh what a difference that made!

Women stopped misreading his intentions as friendship to the point that even one of the girls brought up the conversation of sex and he didn't have to.

Now I was too cool to say 'I told you so' but he knew...

## WHEN DEMONS APPEAR...

If you're feeling particularly anxious, walk around the area first and scope out the place with your Cohort. This will give you a few minutes to know what you're dealing with before beginning. I do this every time my students have their first session. This introduces the Mammalian brain to the venue and releases some of the pressure. If none of these solutions are working, make your night/day a 'dare event'. Create a list of dares you can do with your Cohort(s) and have a scoreboard with a prize for the winner. I have run these events a few times and each time, it has been huge fun and especially effective in combating fear of approaching. Make the dares in order of complexity. Start easy and work your way up

Here are some examples:

Approach a woman and hop on one leg.

Approach a lady with your hands behind your back and your Cohort's hands through your arm so that when you're talking to a lady, your Cohort's arms are making the gestures. This is hilarious especially if you're game enough to say things like 'yeah I like to pick my nose'. It's hilarious watching your Cohort try and get to your nose from behind. For the truly daring, ask if you can touch her boobs.

Convince a woman that you must wear her shoes.

Focus on being fun and not obnoxious. Doing this in a group is much better. If you've just approached a woman doing all kinds of random and extreme dares, just walking, approaching and talking normally to a lady is a piece of cake.

## DARE EVENTS

I've organized a few dares events in my time. I'll mention some of the funniest ones for your pleasure.

Sir Caramello and Sir Freddofrog did a dare where Sir Caramello's job was to approach a girl and start talking to her. Sir Freddofrog's job was to break up the conversation as Sir Caramello's gay lover and get mad at him for trying to pick up girls when they're still together. Sir Caramello had to continue the conversation with the girl whilst Sir Freddofrog gets mad at him.

This is always hilarious to watch except this time was a little different. Sir Freddofrog really got into character as the gay boyfriend and slapped Sir Caramello really hard across the face! I couldn't breathe I was laughing so hard at what I just saw.

Now that was a dare done well.

Sir Curlywurly had to ask a woman to marry her and get down on his knees in the middle of a tourist hotspot. He found a girl, talked to her for one minute (he was pressed for time) then got down on his knees to ask her to marry him. Just at that moment, a photography class appeared and all of a sudden he had twenty cameras on his face proposing to a woman he just met.

Sir Curlywurly won that dares event. Freddofrog and Caramello came close.

If this doesn't work, as a last resort be willing to push yourself by leveraging money. Give your Cohort $100 (or an amount of money that will hurt you to lose). Have an agreement with your Cohort that you get $10 back for every woman you approach. This will compel you to approach ten women lest you lose the money.

When I was first coaching, a few of us would volunteer and hold an event where you paid $100 and would get it back once you approached ten women. It was effective in motivating guys to approach at the very least. At the end of the night, some of the guys had some great experiences that they couldn't have had otherwise. Give it a go.

#  PRACTICAL WORKSHEET

Cohort Unit

Find 4 dependable and supportive Cohorts you can go out with to attract women.

Find Cohorts by a) existing friends, b) Meetup.com (join groups about your interests and find other guys that want this too), c)local attraction community by googling '[your city] pickup community' (write an introduction post about yourself and go out to one of their events)

Cohort pact

Look at your Cohort in the eye and promise to be there to support him throughout this journey.

Create days and times that you will be out attracting women together.

Promise him that you will attend each session diligently and on time.

Look in her eyes and SLAM

Everywhere you go from the moment you leave the house, make direct eye contact with every woman you come across all day.

Look in her eyes and SMILE LIKE A MOTHERFUCKER

Everywhere you go from the moment you leave your house, SMILE LIKE A MOTHERFUCKER and make eye contact with every girl you're attracted to. When they make eye contact with you, nod your head as if to say hi. Focus on her reactions. Does she nod back? If so, count it as a win. To spice things up once you're bored of this, you can salute her in a fun way or perhaps raise one eyebrow in acknowledgement, poke your tongue out; maybe wink at her just to say 'I see you' or raise you glass at her. This is the least pressure you'll feel while communicating with a female. Most women will smile back or acknowledge you. If she doesn't it's not because of you – you've done nothing but try to brighten up her day.

Approach and ask closed-ended questions

Before you leave home, remember to make eye contact and SMILE LIKE A MOTHERFUCKER. When you see an attractive lady, approach directly and purposefully. Ask her a closed question, which prompts a one or two sentence answer. Pick one question such as 'Any idea where a good restaurant is around here?' or 'Do you know where the bathrooms are?'

Get your Cohort to pick women for you to approach so that you can ask a closed ended question like before. These women must not be moving, must not be in large groups and must not be in groups with men and women in them, Ask him to rate how well the approach was and get him to give you feedback. Make 5 perfect approaches.

Cohort assessment checklist

Were you smiling the whole time?

Were you giving her proper eye contact the whole time?

Did you walk straight to the lady?

Did you ask the question confidently?

Approach and give a genuine compliment

Approach a girl with the sole intention of giving her a genuine compliment and then walking away. Look at the lady and see what about her makes her attractive to you and let her know. For example 'hey, I was just walking by and noticed that you have absolutely amazing hair and I just had to let you know' or 'hey I saw you from over there and I just had to run and let you know that you are stunning.

Absolutely gorgeous!

Practice with your Cohort how to stop and talk to a lady that's walking.

Stop five women whilst they're walking and ask them to give you directions to somewhere. You must get the ladies to stop walking and give you the directions

Once you've done that, stop three girls from walking, use your default opener and follow up question.

Get your Cohort to pick women for you to approach so that you can give a genuine compliment. These women must not be moving, must not be in large groups and must not be in groups with men and women in them, Ask him to rate how well the approach was and give you feedback. Make 5 perfect approaches.

Cohort assessment checklist

Were you smiling the whole time?

Were you giving her proper eye contact the whole time?

Did you walk straight to the lady?

Did you lead the conversation confidently?

Approach 5 girls with the intention of having a conversation, then walking away without getting her number.

What will you use as a default opener?

What will you use as the follow up closed ended question?

Get your Cohort to pick women for you to approach so that you can talk to them without getting her number. These women must not be moving, must not be in large groups and must not be in groups with men and women in them. Ask him to rate how well the approach was and give you feedback. Make five perfect approaches.

Cohort assessment checklist

Were you smiling the whole time?

Were you giving her proper eye contact the whole time?

Did you walk straight to the lady?

Did you lead the conversation confidently?

Practice getting the lady's attention

Use your Cohort to practice getting her attention. You Cohort will act as the lady whilst you approach from behind. Your Cohort will give you feedback on your approach and your standing distance.

Find a girl who's happy and approach by using eye contact, SMILING LIKE A MOTHERFUCKER, walking directly and at a good pace. Get her attention, use your default opener, then ask your follow-up question. Once you're finished, leave the interaction.

Approaching women who are seated

Approach three women that are seated, use your default opener and follow up question

Approaching large groups of people

Approach three women in large groups, use your default opener and follow up question

Groups with males and females

Approach three groups with males and females, use your default opener and follow up question

Group of two girls

Approach a group of 2 girls, use your default opener and follow up question

Practicing not using your default opener

After each interaction, brainstorm with your Cohort what you can say to open with that isn't your default. Ask your Cohort to give you 5 situational openers for you to use.

# 

# Chapter 7. CONVERSING WITH MAIDENS

" _Blessed is the man, who having nothing to say, abstains from giving wordy evidence of the fact."_

— _George Eliot_

Whenever I say to a student 'go talk to her' for the first time - the only reply I ever get is 'What am I going to talk about?'

In all my time coaching, the biggest mistakes I've seen guys make are not in what they say, but in what they do and in how they say it. What you say to a woman actually doesn't matter anywhere near as much as you think it does.

So when a student tells me 'I don't know what to say to women', I know it's not that they don't have anything to say, it's that they don't want to run out of topics or make the conversation boring.

What a perfect moment to bring in Sir Raisintoast.

Sir Raisintoast had huge problems talking to women. 'I don't think there's anything I can say about myself that a woman would find interesting' he would say. He was a really nice guy and over time we became friends. As I got to know him, I found out a few things:

As a young guy in South Africa he was one of the lead members of an up and coming South African rock band.

He travelled around the world for two years, surfing in some of the most remote places on the planet.

He once crashed whilst hang gliding and was trapped on a cliff for forty-eight hours.

He was kidnapped in Columbia and held to ransom along with several other tourists.

He spent six months of his life training for lightweight boxing competitions and had a video of himself winning his first fight on his phone.

He was at that time thirty-six years old and the CEO of a mining equipment company.

I couldn't believe he felt he had nothing interesting to say to women!

Just goes to show that even people that have experienced as much as Sir

Raisintoast still feel like they have nothing to say.

Obviously, talking will be a major feature of your interactions with women.

By talking well, you hope to gain enough momentum to take the interaction through to the next level- from the initial meeting to a phone number, a date, a kiss, sex, a casual partner, all the way up to monogamous relationship (if you want one). But how do you get this momentum?

By getting her to trust you.

## Establishing Trust

Trust is a huge part of the attraction process. Recently, I read a book titled _The Female Brain_ by Dr. Louann Brizendine, which highlights that hormones are responsible for the greatest behavioral variances between a man and a woman.

When us men are under small amounts of stress, we actually become more sexually aroused. However when women come under stress their hormones create havoc. Cortisol, one of the primary stress hormones in both men and women actually blocks Oxytocin (the bonding hormone), which is responsible for sexual arousal in the female brain.

For a woman to get sexually aroused, her Amygdala (which is that small area of the brain that releases stress hormones and is responsible for more hijack attempts than every terrorist organization in the last fifty years) must actually shut down. If you keep triggering a woman's Amygdala, she can become disinterested in seduction, or at the very least struggle to achieve orgasm.

By creating circumstances that lead a woman to trust you, you can ensure that her amygdala remains dormant. This will help her to open up to you.

How do we get her to open up to you?

By showing vulnerability.

## Vulnerability

Vulnerability is the biggest key to trust. If someone won't share their flaws with us, we have trouble trusting them completely. Many modern psychologists are now being trained to share some of their own flaws with patients in order to create trust, so that patients can open themselves up emotionally during therapy.

There is a good way and a bad way to express vulnerability.

BAD WAY: A crying and whining version, where you're asking someone for sympathy.

EG "I wish I didn't have these panic attacks, why is this happening to me? I wish there was something somebody could do!"

GOOD WAY: A confident, in control version:

EG "Panic attacks will always be part of my life in some way however I refuse to allow it to control my life."

This way of showing vulnerability is what I call Masculine Vulnerability.

A man who accepts his flaws and keeps moving forward uninhibited is very sexy to women. It is a powerful trait that women respond to.

In order to express this kind of vulnerability, we must first have some rapport with the lady. Being vulnerable straight after meeting a lady is confronting and can appear to be strange. We feel this when we ask someone how they're doing and they don't respond with something conventional like 'good thanks'.

Consider Sir Profiterole.

The first time my assistant met Sir Profiterole, she asked him how he was. He responded with a long spiel about how he was going through an ugly divorce – with great specific detail. She nodded politely but found it awfully strange that someone would reveal something so personal without any rapport whatsoever.

This is a classic case of vulnerability without rapport coming off as strange.

So on to rapport.

## Building Rapport

We often say it's the key to communicating well with women. We all understand it instinctively but struggle to define its meaning.

I define it as 'When two people validate each other's views of the world around them'

We all have models in our minds of the world around us, which we use to interpret events that occur in our lives. These models are closely related to our identity and sense of self. Each of us has a unique model, and we hold onto it very dearly, believing that ours is superior to everyone else's.

You feel rapport with someone when you feel they understand your model of the world. Your model of the world is most clearly defined by the things you feel passionate about. These are both the things you passionately love and the things you passionately hate. If you and another person are both passionate about something together, then you will begin establishing a sense of rapport.

When we feel as though another person truly understands us and the way we see the world, we feel a connection. We all love to feel understood and have our views appreciated.

Consider the following conversation:

_Girl_ : "Yesterday I got a parking fine for being three minutes late after my time expired, can you believe that?"

What would you say in response that will build rapport?

"Oh man, Isn't that unfair! What difference does three minutes make to the government?"

"Well, I can't really blame them, I mean you knew what the time was and they had every right to book you."

Which example do you think is building rapport and which example was breaking it?

(Cleary option 2 was breaking it. Nothing breaks rapport quite like siding with a parking officer.)

We have all been in situations where a girl or even a friend has responded in the second way, and we can literally feel a sense of anguish as rapport is broken unnecessarily. We all understand this innately, as I'm sure there have been times when you have purposely negated someone else's view of the world in order to break rapport with them.

With this in mind, a fantastic technique for building rapport with women is to find topics you are both passionate about. You do this by slowly fishing through topics that you are interested in, and not getting too caught up in topics that you have no interest in whatsoever. After all, why would you want to bore yourself talking about things you don't care about?

Talking about your passions works on three levels:

– You are building rapport

– You are showing women that there are things you feel passionate about (few things are more attractive to a woman than a man who is passionate).

– You are inadvertently generating conversation when going through topics you are interested in.

One of the biggest issues for men when they first start approaching women is falling into the trap of asking a series of awfully boring questions.

Early interactions often go something like this:

_Man_ : So do you come here often?

_Woman_ : Not really.

_Man_ : Cool... How do you guys know each other?

_Woman_ : We work together

_Man_ : Oh Nice... What do you do for work?

_Woman_ : We are legal receptionists

_Man_ : Cool... did you have to work today

_Woman_ : Not on a Sunday

**Man** : [awkward silence]

So of course men then go in search of canned lines or routines they can use to disrupt this horrible pattern. But the problem is that eventually you HAVE to run out of lines and routines and actually have a real conversation again. What's more, lines and routines always run the risk of making you come across as insincere or worse, sleazy.

The best ways to counteract this is to develop a conversational pattern that goes like the following.

## QUESTION – RELATE - ANSWER

E.G:

_Man_ : Asks a question

_Woman_ : Answers

_Man_ : Relates to her answer with a story or anecdote (What do you think about her answer? Do you have any experience with her answer? Do you know anyone who has something in common with her answer? How does her answer make you feel? Have you heard any rumors about her answer? Etc.)

_Woman_ : Responds- sometimes by talking some more now that you've spoken a bit, sometimes again with a one word answer.

_Man_ : Answers the question he originally asked her. Then he relates it to her answer. He tells it in the form of a story, not in the form of a one word answer.

A conversation may go like this:

_Man_ : So what do you do for work?

_Woman_ : I'm a nurse.

_Man_ : Wow, that has always sounded like a pretty tough job to me. One of my friends works as a nurse at a psych ward, and as you can imagine things get pretty messy there. He once told me of a woman who was so wild from an infected nervous system, that it took four huge men to hold her down.

_Woman_ : Wow! luckily I work in post-natal, so I don't see much crazy stuff like that.

_Man_ : You're lucky! I myself work as a dating coach. It's a pretty interesting job, I get to take guys and girls who struggle to attract the partners they really want and build up their self-confidence and social skills to the point where they are fighting potential mates off with a stick!

_Woman_ : I got hit by a stick once.

## Passions

You talk about passions by asking her what she thinks about a particular topic. If she loves what you love – AWESOME! If she doesn't, you relate to her response and answer with how much you love this passion and why. Then move onto another passion of yours and repeat the same thing.

Here's what I do:

I start by asking a girl if she's travelled much, or whether she likes to travel. If she doesn't like travelling, I will try my hardest to relate to her reasons. Then I passionately tell her a story about my travels and why I love it so much. Then I segue into another topic. I'll tell her that when I'm out in a club, I love watching men and women interact because I love social psychology. If she isn't interested, I will try to relate to what she says – then I talk about what I love observing about male/female interactions and move onto another topic again. Hatred of parking officers perhaps.

If I can't seem to hook her on anything, then we obviously don't feel passionate about the same things. That makes her a bad match for me so I move on.

Now we have a fourth benefit! It weeds out the women we have nothing in common with!

Even if you're just looking to get laid, you'll eventually find out that it's not worth it to put up with mindless conversation just to give Mrs. Palmer and her five daughters the night off. Never aim for every woman you can find - you'll be around a lot of women that aren't right for you and this will in turn bring unnecessary stress into your life.

In the above example, we are looking at instances where both parties share exactly the same views on similar topics. However rapport does not require this to be the case. Consider the following.

_Girl_ : "In my spare time, I really love restoring antique furniture."

I don't have much interest in antiques or furniture- let alone antique furniture- but you can still take the opportunity to build rapport. Let's look at the following response:

"You know, I've never gotten antiques or furniture, but I know the satisfaction of breathing new life into something old and beautiful. I love buying old cars and restoring them with my Dad."

She will suddenly feel a greater sense of rapport with you because you have shared an understanding of her view of the world.

When you try, you will find that you can relate to most passions people have, even if you don't specifically care about a particular passion like antique furniture.

But just as when you share a passion you build rapport, if you actively show that you don't care about her passions you break rapport. This will make her feel alienated and misunderstood. Never ignore her passion and just talk about what you want to talk about. Instead build rapport by using what she says to relate to different passions you have, just like the example above. Never tease people about their passions or maliciously make fun of them. That's not okay.

So for example, a lovely young lady says to you "I don't really like the Ivy nightclub, everyone's too stuck up."

You on the other hand love the Ivy. If you say "No way, I love this place! I want the bartenders to christen my children!" you will break rapport.

A much better response is "Oh I hate being around people who think they're better than everyone else. I remember the 'rich kids group' at school'.

This will build rapport.

Now you are telling a story that relates to her passion by honing in on something you can both be passionate about.

This is good as an example, but not ideal, because you are building rapport based on a negative passion. If you spend the whole night talking about all the things you both hate, it's not going to end up being much fun for anyone and won't create a lot of attraction. I suggest having empathy for negative passions and real sympathy for positive passions.

Empathy means you logically understand the person's predicament and letting them know you understand what it must feel like.

E.G.: "Wow, you must feel like shit getting rejected three times in a row. That sucks buddy!"

Sympathy means you feel the person's feelings with them usually by relating to your own similar experiences and bonding over them.

E.G: "Oh man, I remember last week when I got rejected three times in a row, I was so depressed about it, it took me an hour and two red bulls to get over it."

Always move towards positive passions and watch her open up about the things she absolutely loves.

Below is an example of how you can get to your passions quickly.

_Me_ : "I'm having a great night. The Ivy's a cool place...

_Her_ : "Yeah. This is my first time here"

_Me_ : "And why is that?"

_Her_ : "Because I'm from New Zealand visiting friends"

_Me_ : "Really, you're over visiting friends? Aren't you a good friend."

_Her_ : "Yeah. My friends are cool. And a short holiday to Australia is also good"

_Me_ : "I love short holidays"

_Her_ : "Really?"

_Me_ : "Yeah, I...."

In the above there's no real story, although I can dive into a story any time if I find something in common and want to build rapport. In this instance I chatted about my experience with short holidays. But there were plenty of other directions I could have gone. I could have skipped over short holidays and kept 'hopping' topics. The following are some of the topics that were hopped over:

– the Ivy

– her first time here

– New Zealand

– Friends

The above process is simply about picking up information that the girl is volunteering and playing along with it until I hit something that I'm familiar with or passionate about. The main thing to remember is not to take too long. That'll cause awkward silences. She'll give no more information for you to play with and you'll be left to create something to talk about out of nothing.

We can do all of this quickly by understanding the elements of communication through the Rapport Triangle.

## RAPPORT TRIANGLE

1. Ritual and Cliche (the lowest form of communication) – This is the first thing you'll say to a woman like 'Hey how are you?' The lady will have a generic response she'll give to you such as 'Good thanks.' This is when our responses are on autopilot.

2. Facts and Information – This is when you ask closed ended questions like 'What do you do for work?' These do not require a lot of rapport and does often mean you get one sentence responses.

3. Opinions and Thoughts – This is discussing what she logically thinks about the topic you're talking about. Example: 'What kind of music are you into?'

4. Feelings and Emotions – This is when you share feelings and emotions about something. Example: 'I love to play the flute'.

5. Peak Experiences (the highest level of communication) – This is when you share things that you're really passionate about. Things you love or hate. This is the highest level of rapport. When there's something you both love doing, that's what it's all about. Example: 'This one time, at band camp, I fell in LOVE with my teacher...'

In all initial meetings, we start at the bottom of the triangle (Ritual/Cliche) and must work to move up to Peak Experiences.

Obviously we want to move up the rapport triangle as smoothly as possible, how do we do this?

## SWAPPING STORIES

When moving up the rapport triangle, one of the most important aspects is what psychologists call 'Reciprocal Disclosure' – the exchange of personal information. In fact, unless you both disclose at least some personal details, the conversation is unlikely to result in much rapport.

When you first meet, these details do not have to be particularly intimate. Disclosure of almost any personal information - even something as innocent as the fact that one likes warm weather, Italian food or Starcraft- is a move towards intimacy.

If the woman discloses some such detail, you should reciprocate as soon as possible by revealing some similar information and also 'raising the ante' by making your disclosure slightly more personal. If the lady likes you, she will try to match your disclosure with one of similar value and ideally raise the ante herself. Reciprocal Disclosure of this kind is a much more subtle and less threatening route to intimacy than asking direct personal questions.

The key here is to escalate the level of intimacy gradually. Always maintain a balance between your disclosures and those of the lady.Avoid getting too far ahead by revealing too much, or lagging behind by revealing too little.

Here is one neat example of how this might look as a conversation. Notice how the lady in this example moves up a level along with my stories and shares her own.

_You_ : Hey, how's your night going? (Ritual/Cliche)

_Her_ : Good thanks, how about yours?

_You_ : My night is going okay, I came with a few friends I haven't seen in a few months, so it is nice for us to catch up after such a long time. (Facts/Information)

_Her_ : That sounds nice

_You_ : I'm not sure the Ivy is the best place for a catch up though, it feels like it has become a bit less classy over the last few months, which is a shame. Last week I watched one couple get escorted out of the bathrooms for getting a little too friendly, and saw a big fight get broken up outside. (Thoughts/Opinions)

_Her_ : Yes I know, it used to be a great place to go and hang out, but it has changed. The pool area is still nice though

_You_ : Yes I love the pool area! I had one of the best nights of my life there. We had a 30th birthday party, and half the girls in our group decided to go swimming in their underwear, and god bless security for deciding not to kick us all out for indecent exposure.

Best party ever! (Feelings/Emotions/Peak Experience)

_Her_ : Haha, Those girls sound brave! My 30th was more relaxed, but I had some of my closest friends there and they all pitched in to buy me a scooter. They brought it to me with a big red bow on it. I felt so special!

It is possible to jump up the rapport triangle more quickly if the lady is already attracted to you, and you have sensed this to be the case. You can often jump straight into peak experience based questions and she will open up without you having to reciprocally disclose first.

Here are two examples

_Her_ : I'm a pharmacist

_Me_ : Interesting, do you love it?

She can either say she loves it or she doesn't.

1. She doesn't.

_Her_ : Well, it's okay...

_Me_ : Well, you should have a job that you love. What would you do if you could do anything in the world?

This takes her up towards talking about her peak experiences.

2. She does.

_Her_ : I love it. It's what I've always wanted to do

_Me_ : That's so cool. Most people hate their jobs. What do you love about it?

BAM! You've hit on her peak experiences.

This is a great example of moving up the rapport triangle quickly.

Never ever move down the rapport triangle. Moving from peak experiences down to facts breaks rapport. If you ever run out of things to say during the initial meeting, it usually means that you've gone down the triangle and broken rapport.

Also, you don't want to talk about one peak experience during the whole interaction. Too often, the conversation wafts wherever it wants to and can sizzle out unnecessarily.

We can prevent this happening by asking the right types of questions to help control the conversation.

There are two types of questions: closed-ended and open-ended.

Closed-ended questions require no rapport to answer. There's hardly any thinking involved and definitely no emotion. They contain single statement answers, and are often only one word long.

E.G: What time is it?

Open-ended questions have longer answers, usually consisting of multiple sentences.

E.G: What did you do when you went to Thailand?

Below is an example of a closed-ended conversation between me and you (yes you).

_Me_ : How did you get here today?

_You_ : By car

_Me_ : How long was the trip?

_You_ : Thirty minutes

_Me_ : What type of car do you drive?

_You_ : One with four wheels

_Me_ : What's your favorite color?

_You_ : Blue

_Me_ : Who's in control of this conversation?

_You_ : Not Me

On the other hand, open-ended questions require a long thought-out answer and more rapport for the question to be answered appropriately. This requires conceptual thinking, a prepared response, and passes control of conversation away to the lady. This is what you want to happen, so that she can contribute to the conversation and build rapport.

How can we use this to control the conversation?

When we first approach a lady, we often ask closed-ended questions like 'How are you?' and 'What do you do?' To move the conversation forward and into something more engaging, try to find out what she's passionate about by asking more closed ended questions. As long as you are asking closed ended questions you are in control of the conversation, and you can use them to direct the conversation to where you want it go. When you find something you like, ask open-ended questions so that she can share her passions with you. If I don't understand her passion directly, I will relate to her passion, then disclose one of my passions. I then ask her a closed ended question to move the conversation to talking about what I love. This way you are effectively steering the conversation.

For example:

_Me_ : Hey, how's your night going?

_Her_ : Good thanks

_Me_ : What are you guys celebrating tonight?

_Her_ : My birthday

_Me_ : Oh Happy Birthday! Did you get any awesome presents?

_Her_ : Yeah I got this antique mirror. I absolutely love it!

_Me_ : What do you love about it?

_Her_ : It's this gorgeous round white mirror with gold trimmings that just looks like it comes from deep inside the Moulin Rouge. It makes me feel all sophisticated and classy. They just don't make things like that anymore.

_Me_ : Sounds amazing, and you seem really passionate about it, which is great to see in someone. Honestly, I've never gotten into antique furniture but I totally get old things like classic cars. I've always had this dream of buying a really old Chevy and restoring it with my Dad.

And the conversation goes on...

Using closed and open-ended questions effectively is a great way to control the conversation and make it go just the way you want it to.

Make sure you also use emotional rewards like 'oh that's awesome' or 'that's so cool' sparingly. Use those emotional reactions to reward her when she gives you something you want, like something emotional and personal about her. In the above example, it's when she opened up and told you what she loved about the mirror. Emotional rewards encourage people to open up. Often women won't open up to guys because they don't get emotionally encouraged to do so. You are after all a stranger to her.

## MAKING ASSUMPTIONS

Another way to build rapport quickly is by making assumptions.

When looking at moving up the rapport ladder, making assumptions is another great way to move the conversation along. By doing this, you can talk about your own experiences and passions, even if you make the wrong assumption.

The following is a typical statement taken from an initial meeting:

_Man_ : "You're awesome. I bet you're super adventurous. Like an adrenalin junkie. You'd be the type that if we were on holiday and there was bungee-jumping, you'd be dragging me up the tower with your bungee cord.'

Possible responses:

1. "No not at all. Why would you think that?"

2. "Yeah! How'd you know?"

Either way, the man asking this happens to be an adrenalin junkie himself. He has bungee-jumped and can follow up both responses with a story, a joke, whatever. The thing is he's on familiar turf. If he doesn't find rapport here, he can move on and make other assumptions.

## STORY TELLING

Now that we know how to build rapport, we also need to make what we say engaging. The best passions in the world won't hold a lady's interest if we don't keep her engaged in what we have to say. This is why we need to focus on storytelling. Storytelling is showcasing your passions/experiences in the most entertaining way possible.

Why is story telling a good skill to have?

– It stops the conversation from getting boring.

– It builds comfort because we generally tell stories to friends.

– It gives you the opportunity to share information about yourself and promote your strengths.

– Its entertaining.

– It displays good social skills.

To take a page out of a creative writing textbook, there are three elements that need to be present in any compelling story.

First you need a Protagonist. This is the main character, the hero of the story. Every story needs one, and they need to be relatable. The lady should want to see what happens to them.

Then you need an Antagonist. This is what the hero is up against. It doesn't need to be another person, it can be anything that makes life hard for the protagonist- such as an internal struggle, a situation, or an event.

An antagonist can be Darth Vader, a traffic jam, or that bowl of cat food you stepped into whilst rushing to get ready for tonight. Virtually anything that makes life hard for the hero can be considered the antagonist, and the conflict between the two will drive your story.

The last thing the story needs is some sense of release. It needs to conclude with all the questions answered.

It is whilst talking about the release that you can get your greatest impact. You don't need to thwart some tyrannical villain and restore balance to the force to do this- a personal success story or any little change can be very moving.

So once you have a story, what can you do to make it engaging?

Technically 'I was attacked by a leopard but I scared it away' is a story. It has a protagonist (me), an antagonist (the leopard), and a conclusion (it gets scared and runs away). But it's not terribly engaging (and highly questionable). What can you do to make it better?

**Pauses** – A well-timed pause builds suspense and has dramatic effects. Always include some deliberate pauses in your stories to show confidence and a natural style. EG 'I was attacked by a leopard! (pause) But I scared it away'.

**Passion** – The more passionate the storyteller is, the more authentic they sound and the more compelling their story becomes. Make it sound like you actually were grappling for life with a large carnivorous feline.

**Disparity between protagonist and antagonist** – Highlight the struggle between them and take the lady through an emotional journey where there is reward in the end and the hero succeeds. EG 'The leopard leapt out of the tree, claws raking the air in front of my face. I knew I had to act quickly, or else I would only have seconds to live...'

Detail given to important parts of story – The story needs to be colored with description. This helps give the listener a mental picture of the story being told. 'It was the size of a fully grown horse and had claws like meathooks! I could see carnage in its eyes...'

**Eye contact** – Look at the lady in the eye as you tell the story. You will hold her attention and be able gauge if she's losing interest (or questioning the credibility of your giant leopard story).

**Listener commitment** – This is when you ask the listener a question in between your story to enhance engagement. For example, if I'm telling a story about being attacked by a giant leopard, I'll ask 'Have you been attacked by a giant leopard?' I'll wait for the listener to reply, and then continue with my story. When you do this, the lady becomes more vested in listening to your story. This is a good technique to use when you can see that the lady is losing interest.

**Humor** – always include some funny elements. This is discussed in detail in the next chapter. EG 'Coincidentally I was carrying my Giant Leopard Scaring Kit!'

**Emotion** – always talk about how things made you feel and use emotive words like love, excited, hate, disgust etc. It doesn't matter if the story makes us feel happy or sad; great movies for example usually do both. EG' As the leopard turned tail and fled a wave of relief washed over me. I felt strong, powerful and elated, having scared off nature's most ferocious predator!'

**Be Active** – Don't be afraid of emphasizing your story with a little physical activity. Pace around if it helps with the story. Some ideas are moving your hands and jumping up and down to demonstrate excitement (or a leopard attack). Being active helps your brain work faster and allows you to be more dynamic with your storytelling.

## SHOWING OFF YOUR STRENGTHS

Telling a woman all about your strengths is going to make you come across as conceited. Besides, a confident man does not need to toot his own horn (although I've heard it's possible if you remove some ribs... but that's a story for another day). You should show off your strengths by telling a story about an attribute that you want to demonstrate but show it in a way that it hurts you.

Here is a story of mine to demonstrate loyalty:

"I have been friends with Sir Castorsugar for eleven years. He's been dating this girl for four years and now they want to have children. They've started trying whenever she's not travelling for work. When she's away though, he's out with me chatting up chicks and taking them home. And that's not the worst part. He also regularly sees a prostitute and doesn't use protection. The problem, is he is potentially ruining the life of the woman he's dating and most importantly, I think of the child once it's conceived. My biggest issue is that I can't say anything about it to her because he's my friend. I've been trying to talk sense into him but I feel like my hands are tied. What should I do?"

This is a way that I demonstrate loyalty. In this case, the loyalty hurts me and most importantly, it doesn't sound like I'm showing off.

To help you out devising your own stories, here are some common strengths and examples of how they can hurt you:

Smart- Smart people over think everything, or don't sleep enough.

Driven- Driven people can't find the time to relax or recharge.

Funny- People expect funny people to be funny all the time. They have bad days too.

## WHEN DEMONS APPEAR...

### Women Testing You

When you start trying to attract women, they will constantly test you. They will say things like:

– "Why did you come here to talk to me?"

– "Sorry, we're lesbians'

– "Can't you see we're having a conversation"

Whilst it may seem as though women are just being mean, you have to understand that they don't see a difference between you and that sleazy guy they met a few minutes earlier. In any given night, if the ladies were nice to every guy they came across, they would spend all their time with men they are not interested in and waste their whole evening.

Women have come up with a good way to effectively weed out the bad men from the good. We need to see it for what it is if we're ever going to stand up to their tests and attract their interest.

Women often aren't aware they are testing men. However, this testing happens frequently. The better you get with women, the less you will get tested early on and the less you will notice the tests when they happen.

Why is being tested by women a good thing?

Although scary and perhaps annoying at first, these tests are like little 'gifts' - opportunities for you to prove you have what it takes. If you can handle her tests, you will get a noticeable spike in her interest in you. If a woman didn't like you at all, she usually wouldn't bother and would simply tell you to go away. With a test, she is giving you the opportunity to prove her wrong. Women who test you most often end up with the biggest level of interest for you once you show them you can handle it. Over time you will learn to love the women that test you the most.

The best rule for handling tests in the beginning is to ignore that it happened. If you're in doubt and can't think of anything better to say, proceed as though nothing occurred. It's better to ignore than to hesitate.

You must NEVER get emotional during a test.

Examples:

"We are lesbians" - This is mostly a silly statement that almost always means nothing. The standard male response is to get roped into this statement.

By far, the best thing to do is pretend it never happened; dismiss it as the silly thing that it is. By ignoring it, you're letting her know you have no time for 'silly'. Unless you are in a gay club, or it's obvious that the ladies actually are lesbians, assume they're being facetious.

"Why did you come and talk to us?" – There is only one clean escape to this where you come out on top. Be honest. If you can look at a woman and say "I came here because you looked cute, and I wanted to see what you were like in person", then you will earn yourself massive points.

"I think you should buy my friend a drink" – Acquiescing to that request is a big no-no. Likewise, saying 'no' is always dangerous because you create a situation where it's her will against yours. Nothing good will come of it. Instead, situations like these require you to agree but with a challenge attached. "I'll tell you what, if you can guess what I do for work in three guesses or less, I'll buy your friend a drink. If you don't, then you have to buy us both a drink". Now if she guesses your profession, then you buy her friend a drink but you have kept her respect because she had to jump through your hoop first. With anything that makes you feel is an unfair request, think about which conditions you can create that would make it okay for you to go along with her request.

"Do you talk to lots of girls when you're out?" or "Are you a player?" - It's super important for you to have a clean answer to this question, even hesitation will hurt you. If women ask if I'm a player I usually say "Well, I'm a man and I have needs, but I don't believe in lying to women if that's what you're asking". If a woman asks me if I've picked up lots of girls that night I might say "A gentleman never tells, and a lady never asks". Don't assume that being honest is going to blow you out though, and don't assume that a woman thinking you pick up lots of women is a bad thing. I often see a woman's eyes light up when I tell her that I teach men to attract women for a living. Sure, it's possible she will lose interest in you if she thinks you pick up lots of girls, however one thing is for sure- if she sees you lying to her face (she'll probably see it because women are human lie detectors), then you definitely aren't getting anything from her.

The key to dealing with women's tests is to assume she is attempting to have fun and banter with you rather than trying to blow you out of the water. By reframing the test this way, she will often end up feeling like she had been wanting to simply banter with you all along.

E.G:

_Woman_ : 'Shouldn't you be with your friends?'

_Me_ : 'Well some of us aren't too shy to leave the nest and make new friends'

Then I give her a cheeky wink. I'm telling her "game on" rather than "stop being so mean to me".

Always talk to any person who joins your initial meeting whether it be her friend or just a stranger. Introduce yourself and ask them how their night has been. Be social and pay them some attention because if you ignore them, they will be offended and you will lose her respect.

### Men testing you

If a guy enters your initial meeting and tries to be an asshole, never get defensive or aggressive. Try to get him to laugh with you- you'll disable him that way. If not, allow him to talk and tire himself out. If he doesn't get any reaction from you, he will get bored eventually. Besides, women will be looking at him like he's an asshole which doesn't do him any favors. Be cool, calm and collected. If he engages you and tries to be condescending by asking you senseless questions, respond to him politely and throw the same questions back at him. Always counter a negative response with a positive one – this will give you the best chances.

One other option you have- If a guy is being a pain in the ass but isn't being aggressive (if he's aggressive always leave) you can go over to him sincerely, shake his hand and say something like "hey buddy, I just wanted to come and make sure I haven't offended you in some way, and apologise if I did". The genuine intent and handshake will often disable guys and make them act better afterwards. He will feel like the smaller man afterwards but won't hate you for it.

When dealing with tests, it is very important to never be caught off guard more than once. If you don't know how to handle a test from a lady or a man, ignore it in the moment and think about what you could have said in response after the initial meeting has ended. This is so that next time something like this happens you know how to handle it. Make a mistake the first time, don't sweat it – how could you possibly know any better? Make the same mistake the second time, that's on you.

Every man should keep an active list of tests and ways to deal with them. Such a list will prove vital. It's also worth brainstorming with Cohorts to come up with good responses.

#  PRACTICE WORKSHEET

Talking to Women:

List 10 things you're passionate about. Write them down.

Pick 3 passions and find a story to tell about each passion.

For each passion, what is a leading closed ended question that leads you to this story?

Find 3 personal attributes [EG: honest, driven, intelligent etc] Write them down

Find a story for each attribute in which this positive attribute hurts you.

Drilling for passions

Try the default 'What do you do for work?' Answer 'Do you love it?' for drilling for her passions.

Storytelling

Pick one story from your passions and write it in maximum 2 sentences.

E.G: 'Went to a bar last night, approached girl so hot, didn't think I would get her number, walked away victorious.'

Identify a piece of the story where you can leave a poignant pause.

E.G: 'Went to a bar last night (pause), approached girl so hot, didn't think I would get her number, walked away victorious.'

Introduce one piece of detail about antagonist E.G: 'The hot Russian looked so intimidating and wasn't smiling.'

Identify a spot in the story here you can emphasize an emotion E.G: 'She was so hot. I was so intimidated by her.'

Identify where in the story you can insert humor E.G: 'She was so intimidating, I thought there was a very good chance she would break my arm and beat me to death with it if I dared say hello'.

Identify one opportunity to engage the listening party more E.G: 'Oh my god have you ever tried to pick up a Russian before? They can be so mean!'

Put all the elements of the story together

Tell friend(s) that story, making sure you focus on giving really good eye contact and being active.

Tell girls girls this story, making sure you focus on giving really good eye contact and being active.

Women/men testing you

Write down the five things you're really scared of a woman saying to you.

Brainstorm the perfect response to each thing you're scared of women saying to you.

#  Chapter 8. BUFFOONERY

' _You are such a good friend that if we were on a sinking ship together and there was only one life jacket... I'd miss you heaps and think of you often.'_

— _Unknown_

A fantastic initial meeting always involves some humor and affectionate teasing. Learning to be funny and tease women is like building up your biceps – if you put in enough consistent effort you will improve and will eventually have something to show off. The difference with humor though is it isn't limited to the gym, beach, or muscle shirts.

Injecting humor and fun into an initial meeting is important because humor and fun are social lubricants. Humor is actually an incredibly useful tool in any social context from pick up to the workplace.

They:

– Break initial tension and awkwardness.

– Add value to an interaction.

– Release good hormones.

– Make women want you around because you make them laugh.

Humor can be used in all stages of the dating process. You can even inject humor when you first make eye contact with her by poking your tongue out. She will laugh and remember you when you approach her.

Here are some examples of when humor can be used:

– When you first approach a lady.

– To recover the conversation if it becomes boring.

– To deal with women/men testing you.

– To entertain a friend who is looking bored.

– To recover from a mistake.

– To make a conversation sexual.

## HOW TO BECOME THE COURT JESTER

If you have never learnt how to be funny, you can start flexing your humor muscle by surrounding yourself with humor. Two great ways to do this are purposely hanging around other funny people, and exposing yourself to a lot of funny material. Commit yourself to watching one hour of comedy a day for the next three months and see where it takes you.

Being humorous is always hardest when you are nervous and tense. During times of stress, the brain's capability to be creative is severely limited. This is inconvenient for us since this is exactly what is needed to be funny and tease women. However the ability to find moments to be funny and think of what to say is a skill that can be developed.

The key to this is to be working with completely canned material to first learn about delivery and timing. Then you move on to less and less canned style of humor until you are eventually generating humor all on your own.

The easiest way to actually start being funny is by memorizing jokes just as a comedian would. The trick is to focus not on thinking of funny jokes but simply on delivering them.

Here are some examples of jokes I tell:

"I tried water polo but my horse drowned."

"What does an 80 year old have between her nipples that a 20 year old doesn't? Her bellybutton."

"I was at the Bank's ATM today and an old man asked me to help check his balance... So I pushed him! I'm always willing to help!"

"What does a Walrus and Tupperware have in common? They both like a tight seal."

Once you know how to deliver short jokes, move on to delivering longer jokes. This requires more skill and allows you to focus on holding their attention.

'A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself. Hysterically the blonde responds to the husband, "Shut up...you're next!'''

'A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says: "Ugh, that's the ugliest baby I've ever seen!'' The woman walks to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her: "The driver just insulted me!'' The man says: "You go up there and tell him off. Go on, I'll hold your monkey for you.'''

Once you learn to do jokes, you move onto pre-prepared teases. There are many ways to tease women that you can incorporate into your interactions.

Here are some of the ways I like to tease.

Misinterpretation. This works especially well in the After Dark Scene, as the After Dark Scene is generally louder than a jet engine with a megaphone. However it can be used in any situation. Misinterpretation is when you selectively mishear what women say and then make fun with what you heard.

E.G:

_Woman_ : my name is Sylvie

_Damien_ : Silly? That's an odd name, you're parents weren't very nice!

_Woman_ : No! my name is Sylvie [laughing]

_Damien_ : [calling out to Cohort] Hey Sir Wizzfizz! Check out this girl, her name is Silly!

_Woman_ : [punches me and laughs]

E.G:

_Damien_ : So whereabouts do you live?

_Woman_ : I live in Balgowlah

_Damien_ : What? A blowjob? That's a little bit forward, we only just met! What sort of guy do you think I am? [calls out to Cohort] Sir Wizzfizz! Come over here, we're talking about blowjobs!

_Woman_ : [blushes and laughs]
Misdirection. When having a conversation that ordinarily goes somewhere obvious and boring, misdirection is when you say something unexpected and fun.

E.G:

_Damien_ : I really love your shoes by the way

_Woman_ : Thanks

_Damien_ : I was going to wear a pair just like them tonight

E.G:

_Damien_ : Those are really cool earrings you have on.

_Woman_ : Thanks

_Damien_ : Thought about buying them myself but they wouldn't go well with my eyes

E.G:

_Damien_ : That's a really nice dress you're wearing

_Woman_ : Thanks

_Damien_ : You made the right call leaving the other half of it at home

E.G:

_Damien_ : I like your belt

_Woman_ : What belt?

_Damien_ : Sorry is that a skirt? My mistake

You can also say things like 'my condolences' when she says something normally considered positive. This injects some teasing where there normally wouldn't be.

E.G:

_Woman_ : I went to an exclusive private high school

_Damien_ : Oh my condolences

_Women_ : I'm from New Zealand

_Damien_ : Oh nobody's perfect

_Woman_ : I drive a Ferrari

_Damien_ : Oh I won't hold it against you
Funny Assumptions **.** This is when you make fun assumptions or guesses about women that are wrong but very fun.

E.G:

_Damien_ : So what are you girls up to tonight? Wait no, let me guess... She's the hen, and you girls are all out tonight with a hen's night goal to kiss as many cute guys as possible!

E.G:

_Damien_ : What do you do for work? Wait... let me guess (point to the girl I like) You're a cop. I just know you know your way around a pair of handcuffs.

If your Cohort comes into the interaction, you can change their names to funny names and even create a backstory to inject even more fun

E.G:

(A Cohort comes to join you and you introduce the girls to him with pornstar names)

_Damien_ : Hey mate, meet my new friends, Chastity and Chanel.

_Girls_ : That's not our name!

_Damien_ : Of course it is! Chastity ran away from a nunnery and decided to spend her time chasing boys and Chanel helped her escape!

E.G:

_Damien_ : I want you to meet my best friend, Sir Wizzfizz

_Girls_ : Hi Sir Wizzfizz

_Damien_ : Sir Wizzfizz is a professional penis model. Dildo manufacturers around the world cast molds of his penis to create sex toys out of it.
Role Playing. This is when you assign the girl you like with a role and use it to tease her.

E.G. "THAT'S IT, I WANT A DIVORCE! YOU CAN HAVE THE DOG, BUT I'M KEEPING THE TV!"

E.G. Look I'm afraid I'm going to have to fire you. When I hired you to be my personal slave, talking back definitely wasn't included in the job description.

Once you can make women guffaw with canned material and are comfortable teasing and telling jokes, the final step is being able to think of funny things to say by the seat of your pants.

The key to working on this is to think about every meeting you have with a woman in retrospect. Try to identify all the moments where you could have created humor and try to think of what you could have said. Best of all, write it down somewhere. As you push yourself to identify these moments and to think of the right things to say, three things will happen:

– You will find yourself with a bunch of things to say for certain moments.

– You will remember some of these in the future and use them in similar situations. For example, when a woman is wearing bright red stilettos, you might think of saying 'Hey I love those shoes! I have a pair just like them at home!' Then the next time a woman with nice earrings appears, you'll have a joke you can readily call upon and make her laugh with. Pretty soon, you will have tons of jokes and teases that you can inject into any situation to create fun. More than that, you will be able to understand the anatomy of how jokes are created and will be able to make unique jokes on the spot to tease a lady and have more fun. This is awesome!

– The amount of time it takes for you to think of good funny things to say will reduce. With experience, it will go from you (a) Thinking about something you could have said after the initial meeting, to (b) finding yourself suddenly thinking of the great thing to say just a few moments too late, and then (c) Hallelujah!- you will learn to think creatively on your feet to make people laugh when necessary. This is the ideal situation to be in.

Be aware that these jokes and teases are never said to hurt anyone's feelings. They are meant to be affectionate forms of teasing. A woman will make it clear if you've said something to make her uncomfortable, either by her telling you or by her body language. If this happens, address the issue by apologizing and continue to play and have fun with her. If you stop injecting humor and teasing, the awkwardness will seep through quickly and you'll be out of there quicker than the time it takes you to ask yourself "What the pernicious purple pancakes happened?"

Also be careful of being a joker. If you're all funny and nothing else, you will end up not building enough rapport to get numbers that convert into dates.

The Tale of Sir Carrotcake

Sir Carrotcake is a forty-two year old funny-man. He's also a very intelligent psychologist. From the very beginning we worked heavily on bringing out his sense of humor. He got to it like a duck to water. He became fantastic at teasing and making girls laugh. Everyone thought he was going to be a superstar because he was so quick on his feet with what to say. Women less than half his age would love him he was so funny.

Sir Carrotcake had a problem though. Every time he talked to a lady for around ten minutes, the lady would lose interest. When he managed to get a girl's number, she wouldn't pick up his calls or reply to his texts. What on earth was happening?

He was frustrated. I stood near him one night and watched as he talked to a beautiful young lassie and found what was going on. Sir Carrotcake wasn't building any rapport directly because all he did was focus on humor. He was hugely entertaining but he wasn't building good connections with any of the ladies. When the laughs ended, there was nothing else he was giving them. I explained to him the problem and gave him a new goal. After five minutes of making women laugh and teasing, he must stop and become serious. He must share two stories about things he's really passionate about and find out two passions of hers. By the end of the night, he got two phone numbers. He went on a date with one of the girls two days later and slept with another woman three days later. Success! The moral of the story? Don't be a clown. Use humor where it is required but not all the time.

## BRING LAUGHTER TO THE WHOLE COURT

A great idea is to remember that you can practice your humor skills with anyone, not just women. Often times we find it easier to start working on being funnier with our male friends, then gradually bring our skills over to women. Humor isn't restricted to picking up women, we joke and tease our friends just as much as we tease women. If you don't joke and tease with friends, then you should because that's part of intrinsic human behavior. If you've ever watch apes playing, you will see how natural it is to 'play' as mammals.

## WHEN DEMONS APPEAR...

Sir Fudge is a supermodel photographer. He spent a lot of time trying to figure out why he could attract stunningly beautiful women outside of work but not at work specifically. One day it dawned on him that it was because once women were called 'models' he became nervous. He stopped teasing them and started wanting to be nice. Once he started teasing and being playful, supermodels were suddenly interested in him.

This is the biggest mistake guys make with beautiful women. If you treat her politely and don't dare to tease and have fun, there's nothing different or interesting about you. Tease her like you would any other woman and you'll suddenly realize supermodels aren't any harder to attract than any other woman.

#  PRACTICE WORKSHEET

Find 3 of your best one-liner jokes. Write them down.

Memorise these jokes and tell these jokes to 3 women focusing on delivery.

Find 3 short jokes you love. Write them down.

Memorise these jokes and tell them to 3 women whilst focusing on delivery and holding their attention.

Misinterpretation

Think of something you could mishear and use it to tease. Deliberately mishear 3 women and reply with your fun teasing.

Misdirection

Think of 2 misdirection statements you can say to make a lady laugh. Use this on 3 women to make them laugh.

Funny Assumptions

Think of 3 assumptions you can make about women that will be fun.

Role playing

Think of one role you could give a lady and write down how you will give her this role.

Use this on 3 women to inject some fun.

Being Funny Naturally

After each initial meeting, brainstorm with your Cohort what you could have said to make fun organically. 'What are 3 more ways I could have made her laugh?'

With heaps of practice, get into the habit of looking to inject humor in any situation.

# Chapter 9. THE ART OF CHEEKY COURTSHIP

' _When tempted to fight fire with fire, remember that the Fire Department usually uses water.'_

— _Unknown_

The notion of flirting is nothing new. The first guide on how to flirt was published about two thousand years ago by an ancient Roman poet named Ovid. It was called _Ars Amatoria_ , where he claimed he taught cupid everything he knows. So what exactly is Flirting?

## Flirting

_Flirting is a highly complex form of mating dance, which exhibits a man and a woman's intelligence._ As humans began to rely more and more heavily on their brains (well, most of them), the mark of a man able to take good care of a woman was someone who was generally smarter than his rivals.

Humans have developed complicated unspoken rules of 'musts' and 'must nots' regarding flirting. So much so that directly saying 'You're hot, wanna shag?' opens the window for social ridicule. Flirting allows us to communicate between the lines by making statements that are not overt enough to cause much pain or embarrassment should our flirtations be rejected.

Flirting in modern humans is a form of playing. When we were children we would play games with each other in order to get to know one another. Now that we're older, the toys have changed (and breasts have grown), but the general rules of play have not. As a man, when you introduce yourself to another man, you use the same tactics to get the other man to like you that you would use to get a sexy woman to like you. You follow much the same principles; the only difference being that there's no intention of getting that man into bed (unless you're really drunk and in Thailand).

In short, flirting is the game that humans play with each other in order to:

– Show they like the other person.

– Get the other person to like them.

– Show their intentions towards the other person.

– Gauge the other person's intentions.

– Establish status not just between the two of you, but also in comparison to other potential mates.

The first key to successful flirting is not an ability to show off and impress, but the knack of conveying that you like someone. If the lady you like knows that you find her interesting and attractive, she will be more inclined to like you back- even if it's just as friends. This is called Reciprocal Liking. You probably notice that when you are told someone fancies you, or hear that someone has praised or admired you, your interest in that person automatically increases – even if it's someone you have never met! This reflects the notion that we like people who like us and see us as socially valuable.

## Non-verbal Communicating

Conveying that you like someone, and judging whether or not the attraction is mutual involves a combination of verbal and non-verbal communication skills.

Like many other human activities, flirting is governed by complex, unwritten laws of etiquette. These laws dictate when, where, with whom, and in what manner we may flirt. We generally obey these laws instinctively without being conscious of doing so, and only become aware of them when someone commits a breach of this etiquette – by flirting with the wrong person, or at an inappropriate time or place. For example, trying to flirt with a widow at her husband's funeral would incur serious disapproval. This is a somewhat obvious example (don't try it at home kids), but the fact is the more complex and subtle aspects of flirting etiquette can be confusing – and most of us have already made a few embarrassing mistakes in our time.

In Puritanical cultures like the western world, flirting has acquired a bad name. Some of us have become so worried about causing offence or sending the wrong signals that we are in danger of losing our natural talent for playful and harmless flirtation. As little children, we were all involved in completely harmless flirtation with the opposite sex. This could have been a crush on a babysitter, or a girlfriend in kindergarten. At that time, it was instinctual. However, as time went on, we became too concerned with gender roles, expectations and social rules to hold on to the playfulness of flirting. Let's change this.

When we first meet new people, 55% of their initial impression of you will be based on your appearance and body language, 38% on your style of speaking and tonality, and only 7% on what you actually say.

When trying to flirt, most of us focus on the speaking element. As you can see above, the non-speaking elements- body language, how you dress and tone of voice- are much more important, especially in the initial stages of your first meeting.

These non-verbal signals will tell you much more about their feelings towards you than the words they may say. We show our attitudes, such as liking or disliking, not with what we say but by the way we say it and the postures, gestures and expressions that accompany our speech.

The customary polite greeting "Hello", for example, can convey anything from 'I find you really attractive' to 'I am not the slightest bit interested in you', depending on the tone of voice, facial expression, position and posture of the speaker.

You cannot stop communicating non-verbally and you should not try. However an awareness of your own body language can mean that you use this form of communication productively – much like choosing better words to say. You can also work on any personal quirks that you realize may be unhelpful because they give the wrong messages.

Women are generally much better at reading body language than men. The invention of the fMRI brain imaging machine has allowed us to monitor and compare brain activity in men and women. When shown an image, men use the left side of the brain, which is the side that governs logic and language. Women, on the other hand, use both left and right side of the brain, which deals with perception and creativity. This is why men find it particularly difficult to interpret the more subtle cues in a woman's body language, and tend to mistake friendliness for sexual interest.

When thinking about how we are communicating with our own bodies, we want to be thinking about what we want to communicate. Obviously, we want to communicate confidence, friendliness and openness amongst other positive things.

Let's look at each area of the body and discuss ways of non-verbal flirting.

## YOUR FACE

**It's all in the eyes.** Your eyes are probably your most important flirting tool. We tend to think of our eyes mainly as a means of receiving information, but they are also extremely high-powered transmitters of vital social signals. How you look at another person, meet his or her gaze and look away can make all the difference between a successful, enjoyable flirtation and an embarrassing, hurtful encounter. Looking directly into the eyes of another person is such a powerful, emotionally loaded act of communication that we normally restrict it to very brief glances only.

Prolonged eye contact between two people indicates intense emotion, and is either an act of love or an act of hostility. It is so disturbing that in normal social encounters, we avoid making eye contact for more than one second at a time. Among a crowd of strangers in a public setting, eye contact will generally last only a fraction of a second, and most people will avoid making any eye contact at all.

This is very good news for you wishing to initiate a flirtation with an attractive stranger. Even from across a crowded room at a party, you can signal your interest in someone merely by making eye contact and attempting to hold your target's gaze for more than one second. If the lady maintains eye contact with you for more than one second, chances are she might return your interest. If after this initial contact, your lady looks away briefly and then looks back to meet your gaze a second time, you can safely assume that she is interested. If the eye contact triggers a smile, you can approach the lady with some confidence. Often, a woman will only give you one shot to make good eye contact so you better make it good.

When we look at people we're unfamiliar with like in a professional business situation, our eyes make a zigzag motion — we look from eye to eye and across the bridge of the nose.

The key to holding powerful eye contact is to focus on one particular eye and not to drift between the two. This makes the eye contact feel very solid and piercing. When flirting, only flip between the eyes and mouth when specifically doing what is called the Flirting Triangle.

The Flirting Triangle is when the look drops below eye level and moves into a triangle shape — we look from eye to eye and down to include the nose and mouth. The more intense the flirting, the more closely we look from eye to eye, and the more time we spend looking at the mouth.

This is a highly seductive way of looking at a woman, and oozes sexuality.

Don't over-do it though as you may come across as a sexual predator.

## A SMILE TO MELT BUTTER

Let's say your lady of choice smiles at you. How do you know whether the smile is spontaneous or manufactured? A spontaneous smile is genuine and a manufactured smile is not real- it's just her trying to be polite.

There are four ways of telling the difference:

Spontaneous smiles produce characteristic wrinkles around the eyes, which will not appear if the lady is 'forcing' a smile out of politeness.

'Manufactured' or 'social' smiles tend to be asymmetrical (stronger on the left side of the face in right-handed people and on the right side of the face in left-handed people).

Manufactured smiles tend to occur at socially inappropriate moments in the conversation (e.g. a few seconds after you have made a funny remark, rather than immediately).

A Manufactured smile tends to be held for longer (what is often called a 'fixed' smile) and then fades in an irregular way.

You can try to judge her interest in you by watching her smile.

## FACIAL EXPRESSIONS

During a flirtatious exchange your face should remain constantly expressive. Inexpressiveness – a blank, unchanging face – will be interpreted as a lack of interest when you are listening. An absence of facial emphasis when you are speaking can be off-putting. You need to show interest and comprehension when listening, and to promote interest and comprehension in her when speaking.

You can do this through facial signals such as:

– eyebrows raised to display surprise, as a question mark or for emphasis

– the corners of the mouth turning up in amusement

– nodding to indicate agreement

– frowning in puzzlement

– smiling to show approval, or indicating that what you are saying should not be taken too seriously

And so on.

Most of us are quite good at controlling our faces, such as maintaining an expression of polite interest when we are bored to tears or nodding when we actually disagree. However, we tend to be less conscious of what the rest of our body is doing. We may be smiling and nodding, but unconsciously revealing our disagreement with a tense posture and tightly folded arms. This is known as 'non-verbal leakage'. While we're busy controlling our words and faces, our real feelings 'leak out' in our body language.

## A VOICE LIKE MUSIC

If you speak in a monotone with little variation in pitch, pace or tone of voice, you will be perceived as boring and dull, even if what you are saying is truly fascinating and amusing. Likewise, loud volume, a booming tone and too much variation in pitch will make you seem overbearing. Speak too quietly or too slowly and you will seem submissive or even depressed. Aim for moderation in volume and tone, with enough variation in pitch and pace to hold your companion's interest.

There was only one time I ever had to tell one of my students to speak softer. We were at a very loud nightclub and he was deafening the poor ladies. Sir Toffee was an actor and wanted to be understood (as most actors do). He became overbearing, and no lady wants to date a man who's going to blow out their little ears. It accounts for the only time I have ever had to tell a student to talk quieter.

## THE PERFECT DISTANCE

When you're in front of the lady, be careful not to invade her personal space by standing too close. This can come across as threatening. The perfect distance to stand is close enough to be able slap her face, but not so close that you're able to elbow her face. This was covered in detail in the approaching chapter.

Instead of face-to-face, a better position to stand is next to her- side by side. By doing this, you can be almost touching and are able to create intimacy by speaking in each other's ear without invading personal space. This can make the initial meeting much more relaxed and friendly.

##

## POSTURE

When flirting, look out for signs of 'non-verbal leakage' in the lady's posture – and try to send the right signals with your own posture. The lady's non-verbal leakage can give you advanced warning that your attraction isn't working.

### Ill Omens

If a lady only has her head turned towards you, and the rest of the body pointing in another direction, this is a sign that you do not have the lady's full attention.

Even just the feet starting to turn and point away from you can be a sign that her attention is directed elsewhere, or that she is thinking about moving away.

Leaning backwards and supporting the head on one hand is a sign of boredom.

'Closed' postures with arms folded and legs tightly crossed indicate disagreement or dislike.

### Fortuitous Omens

Positive signs to watch out for would be the lady's body oriented towards you, particularly if she is also leaning forward in an 'open' posture. These are signs of attentiveness and interest.

Experiments have also shown that females are more likely to tilt their heads to one side when they are interested in the person they are talking to.

Another positive sign is what psychologists call 'postural congruence' or 'postural echo'. This is when the lady unconsciously adopts a posture similar to yours. Mirror-image postural echoes – where one person's left side 'matches' the other person's right side – are the strongest indicators of harmony and rapport. If the lady's body and limbs appear to 'echo' or 'mimic' your own, there's a pretty good chance she feels a strong affinity for you.

When flirting, you can also use postural echoes to create a feeling of togetherness and harmony. Experiments have shown that people will evaluate a person who echoes them more favorably, and are rarely consciously aware of the echoes taking place. If you 'echo' the lady's postures, she will not only feel more at ease in your company, but will perceive you as more like-minded. A desire for postural congruence is one of the main reasons why we dislike approaching women that are seated if we have to remain standing. It prohibits us from establishing as much rapport with them as we would like.

When approaching, it can be good to do so with a keener eye for postural congruence. If a woman has her back up against a wall, try to get yourself in the same position. If she is leaning on a table, try to get yourself some table space on which to lean on as well. I would not suggest sitting cross-legged in a feminine pose if that's what the lady is doing but aligning your posture as closely as possible like placing one ankle on the other knee when sitting would suffice.

By far the best possible body language a girl can display is her getting down on her knees taking your penis in her mouth. This is an almost guaranteed indicator that she likes you. Be sure to keep an eye out for it.

## GESTURES

We use gestures to signal a variety of things- interest, attraction and invitation; and discomfort, dislike and rejection. When flirting, it is important to be aware of these non-verbal cues, both in reading your partner's body language and in controlling the messages you are sending with your own gestures.

In conversation, gestures are mainly used to enliven, clarify and punctuate our speech, and to show responsiveness to what the other person is saying.

In a flirtatious encounter, the amount, direction and co-ordination of gestures can indicate the degree of interest and involvement the lady feels towards you.

The amount of gesticulation in speech varies widely from culture to culture. People say that you can silence an Italian by tying his hands behind his back. Even without culture, some people naturally express themselves more through gestures than others. Generally speaking, someone who is interested in you will be more lively and animated in conversation, and will use more gestures when speaking and even go further to have more responsive gestures when listening.

Nodding is a gesture widely used to 'regulate' conversation. If you make single, brief nods while your partner is speaking, these act as simple signs of attentiveness, which will maintain the flow of communication from the speaker. Double nods will change the rate at which the other person speaks, usually speeding up the flow; while triple nods or single, slow nods often interrupt the flow altogether, confusing speakers so much they stop in their tracks. If you want to express interest and keep your partner chatting with you, stick to brief single nods.

You can also watch for gestures which indicate anxiety and nervousness, such as hand-clasping and palm rubbing. As a general rule, anxious gestures are directed towards the person's own body (known as 'proximal' movements), while 'distal' gestures are directed away from the body and are considered a sign of confidence. As well as watching for these signals in your partner, you can control the impression you are making by using more confident, 'distal' gestures. In other words, hands close to the chest indicate anxiety but hands away from the chest demonstrate confidence.

As with posture, the greatest involvement and harmony is achieved when the gestures of one person are echoed or reflected by the other. You may have noticed that this tends to happen naturally between people who like each other and get on well together. Watch pairs of lovers in a bar, and you will see that they often tend to lift their drinks and take a sip at the same time. Psychologists call this 'interactional synchrony' or 'gestural dance', and some of their research findings indicate that the timing of matched gestures are accurate down to fractions of a second. Although this synchronization normally happens without conscious effort, you can use it as a highly effective flirting technique. If you feel the conversation is not flowing easily, or you and the lady seem awkward or uncomfortable with each other, try to be more sensitive to the patterns of her gestures and body movements and reflect these in your own body language.

If the lady spontaneously begins to synchronize her body language with yours, it is a sign she feels comfortable with you. In experiments, female hair flipping and head tossing were among the non-contact gestures most often regarded as sexually flirtatious, along with repeated leg-crossing and movements designed to draw attention to her breasts.

## TOUCH

Even the most fleeting touch can have a dramatic influence on our perceptions and relationships. Experiments have shown that even a light, brief touch on the arm during a social encounter between strangers has both immediate and lasting positive effects. Polite requests for help or directions, for example, produced much more positive results when accompanied by a light touch on the arm. When flirting, it is therefore important to remember that the language of touch, if used correctly, can help to advance the relationship- but that inappropriate use could ruin your chances forever.

As a general rule, the arm is the safest place to touch a female stranger. Back pats are equally non-sexual, but are sometimes perceived as patronizing or overbearing. A brief, light touch on the arm to draw attention, express support, or emphasize a point is likely to be acceptable and to enhance the lady's positive feelings towards you.

If the lady finds you likeable or attractive, a brief arm-touch should prompt some reciprocal increase in intimacy. This may not be as obvious as a return of your arm-touch, but watch for other positive body-language signals, such as increased eye-contact, moving closer to you, more open posture or postural echo and increased smiling. Your arm-touch may even prompt an increase in verbal intimacy, so listen for any disclosure of personal information, or even more personal questions.

If you pick up a positive reaction to your arm-touch, you can - after a reasonable interval- try another arm touch, this time more purposefully. If these results in a further escalation of intimacy from the lady, you might consider moving to the next stage: a hand-touch. Remember that a hand-touch, unless it is a conventional handshake, is much more personal than an arm-touch. By touching a lady's hand, you are opening negotiations towards a higher degree of intimacy, so keep it light and brief: a question, not an order.

A negative reaction to your hand-touch, such as the non-verbal signals of displeasure or anxiety mentioned above, does not necessarily mean that your lady dislikes you, but is a clear indication that your attempt to advance to the next level of intimacy is either premature or unwelcome. A very positive reaction, involving a significant increase in verbal or nonverbal intimacy, can be taken as permission to try another hand-touch at an appropriate moment. After each positive reaction, take the intimacy further. By gauging reactions and taking it one step at a time, you can move into kissing a lady and (PARTYTIME!!) taking her home with you.

## HARBINGERS OF ILL OMEN

– Don't spend a large part of the conversation speaking about something negative.

– Don't fiddle or have a nervous switch.

– Don't check out other women or tell stories about your past sexual encounters.

– Don't engage in conversation that is all serious.

– Don't give a lot of attention to those trying to pinch the lady away from you or give you a hard time.

#  PRACTICAL WORKSHEET

Flirting

Give intense sexual eye contact to 3 ladies

Do the flirting triangle on 3 girls

Assess whether her smile is genuine or not with 3 ladies

Look at expression and work on being more expressive with your face to 3 women

Work on variation in your vocal pitch when talking to 3 women

Find 3 women and focus on standing in the correct distance from her

Focus on postural congruence with 3 women

Focus on gesticulating with your hands and body with 3 women

Touch 3 women to establish comfort and intimacy

Focus on reciprocal disclosure with 3 women

# 

# Chapter 10. REQUESTING A LADY'S CONTACT

' _Familiarity breeds contempt - and children '_

— _Mark Twain_

Getting a girl's number is actually a very simple process. You walk up to a girl, talk for a few minutes, then ask for her number. Contrary to what you may believe, it isn't actually rocket science.

A good interaction when Crusading After Dark should last about fifteen to twenty minutes. Less than that and you increase your likelihood of getting a phone number that either doesn't convert into a date or leads to a surprised sounding gentleman who says he 'doesn't know a Melanie'.

Having the initial meeting go for longer than twenty minutes is fine if the interaction is still escalating and fun.

There are far more variables when Daylight Crusading so a good interaction can last anything from less than five minutes to over an hour. But as a general rule- just like paid sick leave- the longer it goes for the better.

Here's what to do when it comes to asking for phone numbers.

## CONVERSE FOR AS LONG AS POSSIBLE

Stay talking to a lady for as long as it takes to get her phone number. When you first start speaking to women, you will have something I call 'premature eject-ulation'. This involves walking away from women you're talking to without asking for their numbers, with no particular reason why you didn't. All too often I see guys walking away from a girl that seems clearly interested. Instead you must stay until you either get the girl's number or she tells you to piss off. This is hugely beneficial. Most learning occurs in the awkward moments. If you have an easy interaction where everything goes well, you don't learn a damn thing. But if you are running out of things to say, she is losing interest fast, or things are generally difficult for you THEN you are learning. Your brain is racing at a million miles per hour and you are thinking as creatively as you possibly can. If you are in the habit of leaving at the slightest provocation, you are wasting potential learning opportunities. I see lots of guys go out, talk to ten women, get no phone numbers, and never learn a thing- simply because they left their interactions way too early.

## ASK EVERY FAIR MAIDEN

Fear of rejection will sometimes inhibit you from asking ladies for their numbers – especially women that seem intimidating. Ask EVERY girl you talk to for her number. Expect that you will get rejected but with experience, you will get better at getting phone numbers and the rejections won't seem so bad. You will even find yourself laughing with your Cohorts about who got rejected the worst. Expect to get rejected, be pleasantly surprised when you don't, but always ask – no excuses.

## PREPARE YOUR REQUEST

Have you ever been talking to a girl and started thinking to yourself "I want to get this girl's number...I wonder how I should ask for it...?" I know I've had that thought many times and it often causes hesitation and confusion. To combat this, you want to have a clear idea of how you're going to ask for it. A natural way to get a lady on a date is to get to know what she likes and doesn't like. So ask questions like "have you been to...?" or "have you seen...?" or "do you like...?", then talk about a related activity or event.

The activity or event must be very casual and fun because if it's formal, you have fewer chances of her coming out and experiencing it with you. Telling her about a café you like is much better than telling her about this masked ball you coincidentally have a spare ticket to. The more formal it is, the more pressure she's going to feel.

When you see her get interested or excited about an event/activity, say 'Let's totally go there sometime.' When she agrees, you'll say something like "give me your number" or "let's exchange numbers" or "what's the best way to contact you?", or even just hand the girl your phone and say "put your number in".

Whichever way you ask, make it a habit so that it eventually becomes second nature. Remember to look at her in the eyes and smile when you ask. This will ensure you don't look needy.

## HAVE A BACKUP PLAN

Most girls will give you their number if you ask for it confidently and expectantly. However every now and then, a girl will say something like "I don't give out my number to strangers" or something similar. Instead of letting this be a deal-breaker, use it as an opportunity to show your persistence by saying something to reassure her that you are a cool guy. This is what she wants you to do anyway - let her know that it's safe to give you her number and that you are worthy of her time. To do this you can pretty much say "That's cool. I understand and I feel the same way as you, but you seem like a cool person and I'd like to get to know you better". AND REMEMBER TO SMILE LIKE A MOTHERFUCKER WHEN YOU DO.

Continue to talk to her some more, then say something like 'I'll tell you what, if you can guess my profession, you don't have to give me your number. If you don't, I get your number. You have three guesses'. With a smile on your face, this almost always works.

If for some reason she still doesn't bite, give her some more time and ask her once more in a cheeky way. I would say something like 'You know you're going to give me your number eventually, don't you?' If she really wants to, she'll laugh and give you her number –because persistence is sexy to a woman.

Make sure your persistence is always fun and you're not irritating her. If she hangs around you for a long time whilst you persist at getting her number, it's highly likely she'll end up giving it you.

As an absolute last resort, go for an e-mail or Facebook exchange if she's really that hesitant to give you her number, as these are less personal forms of contact that she may be more comfortable with.

## OBTAINING A LADY'S ASSURANCE

Once you get her number, ask her this question in a fun, teasing way, 'You're not one of those girls that never replies or picks up her phone are you? If you are, I'm totally not giving you my number'. The girl will say something like 'NO of course not'. She has now given you her word so you can count on the fact that she will reply to you.

This is playing on Cialdini's ' _Principle of Commitment and Consistency_ ' which states that once people commit to doing something, it's likely they will follow through- as they don't want others to think of them as insincere. This means that by simply asking this question, she is very likely to answer your call or reply to your text message.

## PROVIDE YOUR DETAILS TOO

It's much more natural for people to simply exchange numbers as opposed to you just asking for her number. By giving her your number, she knows who you are when you text/call and this takes out any confusion. It also gives you the opportunity to flirt right away without having to let her know who you are. You can do this easily by saying 'I'll call your number so that you have my number'. This is a normal thing to do.

You might also like to get her number by giving her your number first. EG "We are totally going to window shopping for lava lamps. Here, let me give you my number. (Give her your number) Cool, what's yours?"

## CONTINUE TO CONVERSE

Unless you don't have time to talk to her and have to leave for some reason, keep the initial meeting going even after you get her number at least for a couple of minutes. This makes you seem more genuine and not look like you were just after her number.

## END WITH A FLOURISH

At some point the interaction needs to either move somewhere or end, so you want to lead it either to an instant date or to a nice farewell before it gets boring and loses its magic. Ideally, you want to leave the interaction when it's at its peak, so the girl remembers it as fun and interesting. This will increase the likelihood of her coming out on a date with you.

I would probably suggest at this point that if you have her number, you should kiss her goodbye on the cheek. This will establish come comfortable touching, and we like people who touch us that little bit more.

## WHEN DEMONS APPEAR...

If you have forgotten her name, ask her how it's spelt when writing her number down. If it's a simple name, tell her you like to double check because some people get offended when you spell their names wrongly. Ideally, you want to start using her name as soon as possible in conversation. The more times you say her name, the more her name will stick in your head.

E.G:

_Girl_ : My name is Lisa.

_Damien_ : Cool, so Lisa, what do you do with yourself?

_Girl_ : I'm a nurse.

_Damien_ : Awesome, do you love what you do Lisa?

_Girl_ : Yes, it's what I've always wanted to do.

_Damien_ : That's awesome, it's really great to meet someone that loves what they do. I remember this nurse the last time I was in hospital. Funnily enough, her name was Lisa too.

_Girl_ : Why were you in hospital?

_Damien_ : Well Lisa, I was attacked by this leopard...

Everyone's favorite word is their own name. It is the one sound we never tire of hearing. Repeating it will build your connection and help you get her number when it comes time to ask.

If you're half-way through the interaction and have forgotten her name - give her a nickname. If she is short, I might call her 'Shortycakes'. If she asks if you've forgotten her name, reply with 'Yeah- but honestly, I prefer Shortycakes for you because its unique and only I can call you by that name. So yeah, I forgot your actual name. I will call you Shortycakes from now on'. Put her name down on your phone as Shortycakes. Most women will find it amusing and will forgive you. Some women will go on to give you nicknames and neither of you will have to worry about real names for the near future.

#  PRACTICAL WORKSHEET

Asking for her number

Talk for as long as possible with 3 women

Find an activity or event to take a girl to on a date so you know what to say when asking for the girl's number

Ask every woman you talk to in a 2 hour period for her number unless she has a partner to tells you to go away

Write down how you will ask the lady for her number

Write down your backup plan- persist three times in a fun way

Think about how you will end talking to a lady

Use the lady's name 3 times when talking to every woman in a 2 hour period

#

# Chapter 11. ARRANGING A TRYST

' _In US and A, if you want to marry a girl, you cannot just go to her father's house and swap her for fifteen gallons of insecticide. Before American woman will allow you in her vagin, you must do something called "dating"'_

— _Borat Sagdiyev_

After getting a lady's number, there's still one huge hurdle to overcome– getting her out on date. It's a source of huge frustration when you think a girl likes you, but she goes and does one of these three FAILS:

– Doesn't reply to your messages or pick up your call

– Answers calls/messages but doesn't want to go on a date

– She agrees to a date but either cancels or doesn't turn up

All are mind bogglingly frustrating. You ask yourself 'why?' Wherefore art thou Juliet?

## HERE ARE THE REASONS SHE ISN'T GOING OUT WITH YOU

– She wasn't attracted to you on your first meeting and isn't interested

– She doesn't trust you enough yet to go out with you

– She doesn't like the date you're suggesting

– There hasn't been enough rapport built (biggest reason of all)

## WHAT TO DO IN ORDER TO REDUCE FAILS

**Make the Initial Meeting Memorable and Build a Real Connection with Her.** This is your single best chance of getting the lady to go out on a date with you. During your initial interaction focus on building attraction and rapport, and on piquing enough interest in her to want to get to know you better.

**Suggest an activity- sell the date idea before inviting her.** A great way to reduce fails is to get her interested in the date idea long before you invite her on the date there.

E.G:

_Guy_ : Do you like cupcakes?

_Girl_ : Oh god, I haven't had one of those in ages!

_Guy_ : I just discovered the most amazing cupcake store the other day. I'm not even into cupcakes, but these cupcakes are like... an orgasm in your mouth! But in a good way!

_Girl_ : Haha that sounds awesome. Where did you find it?

_Guy_ : I discovered it just five minutes drive from the city in a little street nobody would find unless they knew where to look. Very swanky.

_Girl_ : That's right near where I live. I'm totally going to check it out!

By this point the girl has said that she is going to go to the cupcake place and likes the idea of discovering a cool cupcake store. Now when you want to actually get her number later on, you just say something like:

"You know what, I've enjoyed this little chat, let's go check out that cupcake place next week, what's your number?"

**3. When you get her number, ask her if she will reply to you.** Say 'You're not one of those girls that gives out her number but never replies or picks up her phone are you? If so I'm definitely not giving you my number!' Do this in a cheeky way, and she will usually respond with something like 'NO of course not!' She's given you her word so you can count on the fact that she will reply to you.

The rules above adheres to the Commitment and Consistency Rule discussed in Robert Cialdini's book ' _Influence_ '. The gist of it is, once people give you their word, they feel compelled to follow through. This was also touched upon in the earlier chapter.

To test it, Robert Cialdini conducted an experiment, which involved getting a restaurant to ask people to call back if they wanted to cancel their bookings. If the person who took the bookings simply asked if people would mind calling back in the case of a cancellation and waited for the person on the other end of the phone to say "Yes, I'll definitely call if we cancel" then no-shows were reduced by 300%! Therefore, there's every reason to believe that simply asking a woman if she's going to reply when you contact her should reduce your no-response rate by about 300% as well.

## THE FIRST PHONE CONTACT

If you haven't built enough attraction in the initial meeting, then how you use your phone is very important. You want to contact her to:

– Convince her to go on a date with you

– Make sure she responds to your text messages or picks up your calls

– Maintain her interest in you

– Establish more rapport

What are you trying to convey over the phone?

– That you're fun

– That you're not needy

– That you're confident

Should you call or should you text?

Texting or calling is all about confidence levels. It takes more confidence to call than to text as a man and it takes more confidence to pick up a call than reply to a text message as a lady.

Some women are intimidated by the idea of talking to you over the phone. By simply asking the lady when you get her number 'Do you like to be called or texted?', she will tell you what she likes. By doing what she prefers, she's also more likely to pick up your call or text you (Cialdini's Commitment and consistency applied again).

Honestly, most women these days like to be texted. In the beginning, I suggest you text as it gives you a little buffer to think about how to make text messages fun and gives you a chance to ease into the process.

## THE CODE OF TEXTING

1. **Every message must entertain.** Humor is the most attractive trait in a guy. Every text in the beginning needs to be fun and humorous. It's very hard to resist responding to a text that is fun and makes you smile. It also signals to her that if she did go on a date with you, even if you aren't a good match she would at least have a fun time. A boring date is a big fear women have, as it can get very awkward and uncomfortable quickly.

2. **Make first text personalized.** The rule of thumb is that you want to ensure you send a text that you could only have sent to her. When women can see that your texts are unique to them, it will help you get a lot more traction and a lot more responses.

EG: 'Hey Miss Clumsy. I had a great time saving you when you nearly fell on the train tracks yesterday. Good thing trains never runs on time hey! Your hero, Sir Damien'

3. **Text the woman very soon after getting her number.** Wait no more than twenty-four hours to text her. Either text her the next day or later that evening. You may have heard of the 'three-day rule' for contacting women before- where you purposely don't call for three days to seem cool. I absolutely hate this rule. I think it's the dumbest rule ever invented. If the lady likes you and wants to get to know you, she'll love that you contacted her straight away, without playing any games. If she thinks it's needy, it was unlikely you would've ever gotten anywhere with her anyway (so you just saved yourself some time).

I look at this like a sales call. If I gave you a number and said someone is ready to sign up to my course right now. You just need to make the call and you'll get $500 commission. Would you wait three days to make it happen so you don't seem needy? OF COURSE NOT. The customer is less likely to buy if you do. Strike whilst the iron is hot, not after it's been a few days and she's given up on you.

4. **Use correct spelling.** There's a lot of woman who pashonatly h8 bad spelling. U wont 2 make things eesier for yrself then avoid starting of on the rong foot. Seem intelligant, use the rite speelling.

You also need to use correct grammar. The only exception to this rule is if English is your second language, at which point, poorly worded texts often become charming because it belies your sexy accent.

5. **Avoid 'Geek Speak'.** This is number plate spelling. Things like 'G33k'. Writing 'LOL' to indicate something funny is okay. But abbreviations like ABU, ATB, GB, BRB, LTD, WITP, ZOMG and ZUP are not. This is about maturity levels. Every woman wants to date a guy who is at least as mature as her. So regardless of how old you are, or whether the girl you are texting writes in geek speak herself, demonstrate that you are the more mature person and write properly. In other words, don't be a N00B.

6. **Never lie to a woman's text.** When women question you about your sexual intentions, be honest. Be sensitive, but never avoid the question. Women respect a man who isn't afraid to tell the truth. If she asks 'Do you date lots of women?' say something like 'A good man never kisses and tells, but I do take care of myself. Do you date lots of men?'

7. **Give every girl a nickname.** Give her a nickname and stick with it. Nicknames create a 'you and her' universe. When you give her a nickname, she is likely to give you one back. It makes her smile and demonstrates that you are comfortable with her. It also invites her to be more playful in her texts back to you. This nickname should be personal and somehow reference the interaction you had together. EG: if she has long hair, I will joke about it, then call her Rapunzel.

8. **Set up a date within seventy-two hours of meeting.** Wait too long and you're in danger of becoming her friend. This date can be weeks in advance if you're both busy. However, the date needs to be set early to avoid any confusion.

9. **Don't leave more than forty-eight hours between texting.** Leave a long time between texts and she'll think you're not interested in her. Also, it demonstrates you're playing games and this won't build you any trust. Even if you get busy, it takes seconds to let her know that you'll text her in a few hours. The less guessing there is for her to do, the more she can focus on being comfortable with you.

10. **Use emoticons :-).** On all pieces of writing, there's always room for misunderstanding. This is where emoticons fill some of the gaps. Using ':P' to demonstrate you're joking or ':D' to demonstrate you're happy are great.

Now that we have those rules all clear and established, let's look at complete texts.

## BAD FIRST TEXT:

"It was nice 2 meet you, lets cache up soon"

This has bad spelling, no nickname, not personal, geek words and no humor. It doesn't compel her to reply or differentiate you from the pack. Every guy has sent a text like this before.

## GOOD FIRST TEXT:

"Hey there little miss Goldilocks, I just saw a five year old trip over her shoelaces, reminded me of you last night :P"

...or...

'Hey miss Italy. Have you murdered any new men with those nails today?'

How much more likely is it that girls will respond to those texts? They clearly stand apart from the crowd.

## HOW TO FURTHER STAND APART FROM THE OTHER KNIGHTS

**Fun phraseology.** Try to use unusual and fun phraseology to talk to her. This makes you seem more fun and interesting.

For example, instead of saying:

'Let's go dancing'– "let's do some boogying," "let's shake our tail feather," "let's get jiggy with it," "let's do some booty shakin'".

'What are you up to?' – "What trouble have you been causing?", "Have you been breaking hearts today?"

"I'm doing good thanks" – "I'm just getting my chill on", "I'm feeling funky", "I'm splendiferous," "I'm phantasmogorical".

When people use 'fun' words, it entices the other person to have fun back.

**Utilize Role-Playing.** Role-playing is a huge blast while texting. To highlight what I mean, this is a text message sent between a gorgeous blonde and me a few years back.

_Her_ : "Sorry, I can't make it on Tuesday, can we do Wednesday instead?"

_Me_ : "Augh, that's unacceptable I want a divorce! As part of my settlement, you owe me a back massage! :p"

_Her_ : "Ha-ha, cheeky well how about I give you that massage and settle this out of court?"

_Me_ : "It's a plan, I feel particularly ripped off divorcing before consecrating a marriage..."

_Her_ : "Perhaps that should be rectified..."

## Arranging a Tryst

So now that you've called her, texted her, and racked up quite a phone bill, here are some rules for setting up dates:

Don't ask her where she wants to go. Line up a date yourself and let her tell you if it doesn't work for her. Pick a date at least three days later – this gives her the opportunity to prepare.

Making the date fun makes it much more compelling. Ice Skating, putt-putt golf, bowling etc. This makes you different and will increase the chances of her going out with you.

Setting dates at unusual times makes the interaction more playful and therefore more memorable. EG 'I'll meet you at town hall steps at 7:36pm'

A Fun way to ask for a date is to line it up by getting her to answer questions about it first.

E.g.

_You_ : "Hey Goldilocks, I have an epic dilemma. What's better -Thai food or Italian food?"

_Her_ : "umm... Thai food definitely!"

_You_ :" Thanks, I have to ask this really cute girl out, and wasn't sure which was better"

(Wait a minute)

_You_ : "Hey you, long time no speak! Let's go get some Thai food this Thursday :P"

Here are four things to bear in mind when setting up dates:

### APPROPRIATE INVESTMENT LEVEL

Appropriate investment level dates work because until she's comfortable around you and trusts you enough, she doesn't want to be stuck spending a lot of time with you in a potentially unpleasant situation. She has her reputation and safety to consider and most women won't risk either for someone they hardly know. The solution is to make dates (especially the first date) very comfortable for her by making them an appropriate investment level. This means something simple, inexpensive, in or close to a public place where either party can escape easily.

I often see suggestions of inappropriate investment level dates such as going bush walking together for a first date. Would you go into a remote and isolated area with a stranger bigger and stronger than you? I wouldn't.

### BE WILLING TO BE FLEXIBLE

Being flexible about the time and place to meet is important as she may actually want to meet you but if you pick a time and place where she won't be able to attend, she will have to say "no" regardless of her interest levels. Many guys hear this "no" and treat it as a rejection and in doing so, often go into "retreat mode" and lose a good girl unnecessarily. The simple solution is to decide the date and time but be willing to be flexible about when and where to meet. Give her a date and time - if she cannot make it, give her an alternative time. If she can't make that time, call her and arrange a time over the phone. Keep control of the conversation and date plans at all times but be willing to adjust to suit her needs. By doing this, the chances of her going on a date with you increases significantly. I often see inflexible times and places with texts like "meet me Saturday morning at 10am in Paddington". Most women value their sleep way too much to meet anyone at 10am, no matter who it is.

### GIVE PLENTY OF NOTICE

Giving plenty of notice is important, as most girls like to have time to prepare for a date. Organize the date at least three days in advance. This way, you give her time and don't seem needy. Short notice invites like "let's meet up tonight" looks too much like a booty call. Even if you're meeting a lady just for casual sex, she still doesn't want it to feel like a booty call – at least at the beginning.

### ENSURING SHE TURNS UP

It's highly advisable to check with a woman that she's actually going to turn up to the date. Few things are more annoying than a woman not showing up and you being left waiting. However, you don't want to appear to be worried or like you're checking up on her –so what can you do?

There are far more fun ways to tease the answer out of her without ruining your 'fun' vibe.

Here are some examples:

Hey sweet cheeks, just a warning that I'm going to totally kick your ass at bowling tonight. :P

Hey sugar lips, change of plans, it's now 'sexy bowling' tonight, and only mini-skirts will get you in the door :P

## WHEN DEMONS APPEAR...

### If The Maiden Goes Missing

Okay so she's Failed on you. Here's how to handle it:

– **She doesn't reply to any of your messages or pick up your call after the initial meeting.** Text her in a few weeks as a last resort with something like 'Hey I saw your doppelganger on George Street today and wondered how you're doing. Hope you're well! X'. Expect she's a lost cause but sometimes, you'll be pleasantly surprised by her reply. I usually keep a 'backburner' list of girls I would like to have met up with again. Once a month, I'll contact that list to try and organize a date. Often if I have ten girls in that list, I'll get one extra date out of my efforts.

– **She answers call/messages but doesn't want to go on a date.** This depends greatly on her reasons for not going out with you. Perhaps she wants to just be friends, maybe she's out of a bad breakup, maybe she wants to be single – either way re-establish that you want to date her and don't be her 'friend on the phone' guy.

I prefer to take the hard line at a certain point. If I keep trying and she keeps being busy, I'll send a text something along the lines of "Hey babe, I liked our talk and I want to meet with you, but you're making that hard. I want you to tell me a time next week that we are going to catch up, no excuses - I don't want to waste either of our times."

That basically is the last text I'll send. Sure you'll lose some girls in the process, but some will really stand up and take notice of your moxie and willingness to call her on her bullshit without getting emotional.

– **She agrees to a date but either cancels or doesn't turn up.** _If she cancels_ – remember never to get upset. Respond with something fun. EG "Hey, that's cool. You do what you have to do but you're buying the first round of drinks when we meet up next!". Leave a few days for her to sort her stuff out and reconnect with her by phone or text (preferably phone). Just have fun and vibe with her. Try another date after a few days of reconnecting and see what happens.

_If she doesn't show up or cancels with no notice_ – this is where I feel disrespected. It's a deal-breaker for me. I text her with 'Hey, it would have been nice for you to let me know earlier you were cancelling our date. You take care'. Often the woman will reply with a good excuse as to why this happened. Even if the excuse is not true, the lady now knows she cannot behave that way with you and she will never be late or cancel without notice ever again. Think of it as doing a favor for the next man she decides to date.

When all things fail, it's best not to over-analyze and just spend that time you would have on the date hanging out with friends or doing something else you love.

#  PRACTICE WORKSHEET

Think of 5 unique nicknames you can give a lady. Write It down

Think of a good first text you can send to a lady. Write it down

How can you use some interesting and fun phraseology to say the same thing?

Asking a girl out

Which fun activity will you suggest for this date? Write down

What will be your backup date in case she doesn't like the fun activity you suggest? Write down

What will you say to ask her out on this date? Write down

How will you text her to confirm the date on the day? Write down

#

#  Chapter 12. WHAT TO DO ON A RENDEZVOUS

' _I'm not anti-lost, I'm just profound'_

— _Anonymous_

Like shark-cage diving, first dates are exciting and scary and can potentially end with someone being eaten (but in dating that's a good thing!)

With dating you always want to have as much control as possible regarding what you're going to do, and also have a solid idea of how you want the date to end.

Every book on relationships seems to spit out a list of 'dating rules' that demand to be followed. Not to be outdone, here are mine!

## YOU MAKE ALL THE DECISIONS.

You will make all the decisions regarding the date. Where you go, what you do and where it ends is your responsibility. You are not to rely on the lady to suggest where to go. Taking charge is a very masculine thing to do, and she'll appreciate it from you. After all, it is you who is taking her out.

If a woman gets comfortable with the man making all the decisions, then it will feel quite natural for her to follow you back to your place at the appropriate moment.

## CREATE A PLAN, AND FOLLOW IT.

Before you meet the lady, know beforehand where you're going to take her and everything you will do on the date. Create a plan and follow it as much as possible.

The most important thing to factor into your date plan is knowing how you want the date to end. With a kiss? With her coming to your house? With the both of you getting arrested for lewd behavior? However you want the date to end, you must construct the date based on this end goal. For example:

END GOAL – sex at your house

– Meet at location 1 – the café bookstore you love

– Move to Location 2 – a funky karaoke bar near your apartment

– Move to Location 3 – your apartment

END GOAL – kiss at the door

– Meet at Location 1 – ice skating

– Move to Location 2 – an interesting underground bar you want to check out

– Move to Location 3 – her home as you try to kiss her at her door

Once you have your end goal worked out, flesh out a plan in more detail if applicable. Remember, everything should lead to your desired outcome. Here are two first date examples:

– I pick her up

– We go to a scenic lookout

– We walk across the bridge admiring the view

– We share pancakes on the other side of the bridge

– We walk back over the bridge to where the car is

– We sit in the park and admire the sunset

– I kiss her

– I bring her home

– I hope to get invited in

– Meet at my house

– Drive her to cupcake store

– Bring cupcakes to the park by the water

– Sit in the park under a tree.

– Go for a walk along the water

– Stop for a while at the cliff

– We make out

– We walk back to the car

– I invite her up to my house

The point of having a dating plan is that you always know what you're doing and where you're going, and can therefore make the date unfold the way you want it to.

## AVOID FORMAL LOCATIONS

Formal locations create a lot of pressure. Stick instead to something casual and relaxed that doesn't require a huge investment.

Don't go somewhere where you can't talk. Organize the date to be something that enables you to have lots of discussion and opportunities to build rapport.

Do not go to a movie, play, musical, etc- conversation should be possible at all times. Otherwise all you'll really get to know about her is how she likes her popcorn.

There is a tiny caveat to this rule. If both of you are MASSIVELY passionate about a particular band, or a particular director (if you find a woman who is passionate about Quentin Tarantino, freaking marry her already!), then it's okay to go somewhere where you can't talk, because you are then bonding over a shared passion.

## ACTIVITY DATES REIGN SUPREME

The best dates are those where you 'do something'. This way the date becomes a shared experience; and people bond far better through shared experiences.

The reason for this is that novelty causes the brain to release the pleasure hormone Dopamine. Dopamine is a key ingredient in sexual attraction, so picking a novel activity date will boost her Dopamine levels and increase her attraction for you by hijacking off the back of a novel experience and the effect it has on her brain.

Find an activity you like doing and invite the girl to do it with you. This can be ice-skating, surf lessons, salsa dancing, or throwing bottles at riot police and running away really, really fast (maybe not the last one).

## ARRANGE A DATE THAT WILL ALLOW YOU TO MOVE TO MULTIPLE LOCATIONS

Changing locations helps you a lot if you're struggling to maintain good conversation, especially if you're both nervous. Every new location you bounce to refreshes the whole dynamic of the date and gives you a fresh start. It also keeps you active and creates more mystery to your date. Always know where your next location is and lead her there by saying something like 'Let's go here'. Each change in location should be taking you closer to your end goal.

## A DATE SHOULD FEEL SPECIAL AND UNIQUE

Try to be original on your dates. Some ideas are champagne breakfast at the art gallery, exploring street art, rollerblading, and fly-fishing. The possibilities are endless if you are willing to make the effort to be creative. As another unique example, Sir Sherbert once took a girl to a park, handed her a stick, and they spent the whole time 'sword fighting.'

## DO SOMETHING YOU ALREADY ENJOY DOING

Familiarity will relax you. Bring her into your world and show her what you like doing. This shows passion and allows her to get to know who you are. This is especially great if you know the people at the location you're taking your date to.

A great technique to create a friendly environment is to do a bit of recon work before you start taking your date to a specific place.

The first time you might go alone, or with a friend. Talk to the attendant a bit, get her name, find out what else she does outside of being an attendant. You are being friendly, not hitting on her. Write down all the information you know about her. Give her a small tip (if appropriate) at the end and say goodbye.

Then you go back a second time, and greet the same attendant by her name. Ask her how things are going for her. Be specific, and remember what notes you made in your phone. She won't remember your name, and this will work in your favor when you ask her "You've forgotten my name haven't you?" The attendant will feel bad since you remembered so much about her. Tell her your name and let her know you want her to remember it the next time you come in. I usually say something like "Okay so you forgot my name, I'll forgive you, I'll tell you what though when I come in next time and say 'Hey Sarah!! How are you?' what are you going to say?" And she will say "Next time you come in, I'll reply with 'I'm great Damien, how are you?'"

This fun little interaction prepares me for every visit I ever make to that place. So when I bring my date there, we will walk into the place and she'll see me greet the attendant by name, and see her greet me back by name. How great does that look to your dates?!

## A DATE SHOULD END JUST AS IT HITS ITS PEAK

Humans are wired to remember events dependent upon our last emotional memory of the event.

This was first measured in proctology exams. They had patients measure their level of pain every five minutes on a scale of 1-10 throughout the procedure. Then they asked the patient a week later how the procedure was on a scale of 1-10. Regardless of how much pain was experienced half way through the procedure, patients consistently rated their experience based on the last five to ten minutes of pain and how bad it was.

The same applies to going on dates. No matter how great a date is half way through, if it ends on a low note, then it will be clearly remembered as a forgettable date.

So make sure your date ends on a high note. This way the lady remembers it as a positive experience, and will make setting up the second date (should you want one) so much easier.

A great date ends with getting to know the following about her:

– What is she really passionate about?

– What does she want out of life ultimately?

– What/who inspires her?

– What is she scared of?

A great date could also end with a kiss (emotionally charged and exciting).

## STICK TO THE SAME ITINERARY

Once you have your date plan worked out, I recommend following it for every first date you go on.

Going on the same first date every single time has distinct advantages. By changing different variables individually to see what works, you can create the perfect first date process for you. Once you fully understand this process, you can begin to create perfect dates in any environment.

In other words, pick a favorite date and keep repeating it over and over again whilst making small changes until you find a formula that works.

## A DATE IS NOT ABOUT IMPRESSING A GIRL

Dating is about spending time with a girl and seeing how much you like each other. It's NOT about impressing her. As soon as you get the idea of impressing her out of your head, numerous possibilities emerge. Most times, running errands and having a hot chocolate or coffee together is better than an expensive dinner and movie date.

## DATES THAT DON'T DRY UP YOUR COFFERS

Expensive dates will quickly make you poor as you become better at attracting women. Besides, there's absolutely no need to spend money to have awesome fun dates that will get you to your end goal.

Some men feel as though they are 'too poor' to date. This is not right. Everyone has the right to date and they should do so without the worry of having to pay for two people. Unfortunately for us nowadays, there are women that date for the free meal and I for one don't want you to waste any time or money on them.

With your hobbies and interests in mind, ask yourself the following questions:

– How can I use my hobbies and interests to bring her into my world and have a fun time with her?

– How can I do this for free or very cheaply?

Dating can be inexpensive if you are creative and put a bit of thought into it. Allow the answers to come to you. When trying out something new and interesting such as gymnastics, a simple phone call asking a gymnastics class whether you and your date can try this out for free generally works great. Companies are generally happy to allow you to try one class for free as it doesn't cost them anything to have you there and they can convert you into a paying customer.

Here some examples of how I use my interests to create fun, successful and inexpensive dates.

– INTEREST, MUSIC: Go shopping for old vinyl records together.

– INTEREST, FOOD: Cook her dinner or suggest she cook you dinner.

– INTEREST, COMEDY: Amateur night at a local comedy club. This is usually okay as you tend to get lots of breaks in between to talk and get to know one another.

– INTEREST, SPORTS: Teach her how to play your favorite sport at the local playground.

– INTEREST, DANCING: Go to a salsa club. Turn up a little early and learn some salsa moves. Then have fun dancing together.

– INTEREST, MOVIES: Go movie shopping at your local movie store and point out favorite movies to each other. Pick one you love together and go back to your place to 'see a movie'.

– INTEREST, THE OUTDOORS: Go for a picnic in a park. Just bring a rug with you, then buy 2 baguettes and two different tubs of dip and a bottle of soft drink. You should have this covered for $10, and you can sit in a park eating baguettes and dip, lying on a comfortable rug and chatting.

– INTEREST, BLOWING THINGS UP: Print out a copy of the Anarchist's Cookbook and mix up some Molotov cocktails together. Remember to wear a facemask to protect from the fumes. Not recommended if she's a smoker.

## WHEN DEMONS APPEAR...

Still dipping into the coffers too much? Here are some ways to hold onto your coin.

– AVOID UNNECESSARY EXPENSES. Avoid paying for lunch by meeting girls just after lunch and avoid paying for dinner by meeting the lady just after dinner. If you do have to eat together, choose cheap options and split the bill, especially if it's early in the dating process. Also watch out for excessive transportation costs. If you can't get to a date location cheaply – pick elsewhere. Avoid any large petrol and/or parking costs as well if you drive.

– USE PRIMING DATES FOR GIRLS YOU'RE UNSURE OF. If you're not sure how much you like a girl, have a coffee date with her first to see how much you like her before you invest a significant amount of time and money on a larger and more expensive date with her. These dates can be really cheap or even free depending on how creative you are.

– DO NOT ALLOW HER TO MAKE YOU PAY. Most women these days are very happy to go Dutch and split the bill with you. Some women even insist on splitting the bill so that it doesn't create any expectations or undue pressure. I'm happy to go Dutch and don't feel that a man should have to pay since the feminist movement provided equal opportunities. Everyone works, everyone can pay for their own expenses.

A great solution to this is to look at the bill first and say 'here let me see what my half was... okay I had the coffee and the bagel, so that's $6.50 for me. Here you can check yours if you like."

## INSTANT DATES

There is an entirely separate category of dates known as 'Instant Dates'. These happen mostly during Daylight Crusading. Instead of asking for a girl's phone number, it is sometimes possible to get a girl to actually go on a date with you right there and then. To do this, you simply ask 'Hey, would you like to grab a coffee/ice cream/donut?' in much the same way you'd ask for a girl's phone number.

Due to their spontaneous nature, instant dates are difficult to preplan, but that's not to say you can't expect magic from them.

The Tale of Sir Freddofrog

Sir Freddofrog did amazingly every time he went Crusading After Dark. He was getting one night stands easily and even managed a couple of threesomes. He thought he should master the day. The conventional rule is to be careful of being too sexual too quickly during the day as it can freak women out. I sent him in to talk to a gorgeous brunette. Then I looked around and he disappeared. I didn't see him for two hours. When he got back he said he took her for coffee then straight to his office nearby so that he could have sex with her on his desk. It was the weekend so no one would be around.

Goes to show all rules can be broken with some confidence and instant dates like these do happen.

#  PRACTICE WORKSHEET

Dates

Write down your dating process

Invite 5 girls out on an instant date with you during your interactions.
KNIGHT OF THE REALM

#

# Chapter 13. DOING THE DEED WITH DIRTY DAMSELS

' _Men have become the tools of their tools.'_

— _Henry David Thoreau_

Seducing a woman to the point of wanting to have a one-night stand with you is a very delicate process. It's about gradually escalating with her, making sure not to push her any faster than she's comfortable with, but not so slowly that she becomes bored. The actual process is very similar in concept to the old yawn-and-put-your-arm-around-the-girl trick you might have used as teenager; where you'd try to get closer and closer until you got a kiss.

## One Night Stands

There's nothing wrong with pushing an interaction with a woman sexually, provided it's done with charm and finesse (so forget about yawning and putting your arm around her). Even if a woman isn't interested in a one-night stand, if you seduce effectively, she is still likely to be very flattered that you tried.

Taking a girl home generally requires the following things to fall into place

– She loves being single and having fun

– She's available to go home with you

– She's okay to talk about sex

– She's okay with one night stands

– She's an adventurous person

There are two ways to make it happen.

Physical Seduction – This is when you push boundaries physically. This could be by touching her arm, then touching her hand, then touching her shoulders, then going in for a kiss, then some heavy petting and eventually, your hands in some very naughty places. With this type of seducing, the lady will want to get away from her friends and be more private with you.

Verbal Seduction – This is where you talk sexually to get a lady all hot and bothered so she'll want to come home with you. Verbal seduction is more subtle. With this, you don't need to get her away from her friends, she doesn't have to worry about what anyone thinks, and you can push the edges much more safely.

You will see for yourself whether you prefer to escalate physically or verbally by testing which works better for you. Either way, you must push boundaries and gauge the lady's response every time you do so. If she responds well, you can move to push further. Otherwise, take a step back, build some more rapport and try again.

Positive responses a lady may reciprocate with are:

– Increased eye contact

– Smiling

– Open body language

– Playing along – You say something sexual, for example you tell a story about a trip to a strip club, and she continues talking about strip clubs as a topic of conversation.

– Moving closer to you

– Touching you more

Some negative responses to indicate that the lady is uncomfortable could be:

– Decrease in smiling

– Decrease in eye contact

– Decrease in her proximity to you

– Turning to face away from you

– Calling the police

Note that when a lady looks down, it's not necessarily a bad thing but an indicator that she is shy. It's when she looks away from you that you have to worry.

Often times these positive and negative responses are subtle. Be aware that we are three times more sensitive to negative social cues than positive ones, so we will spot the bad body language responses much more easily. It's important to really watch women's responses to you and learn to trust your instincts.

Each time you push the boundary, evaluate 'Is she responding well or badly?' Often, positive reciprocal responses are hard to spot as they're usually very small. If the lady likes you, she may smile and face you slightly more than usual. However, if the response is negative, you should see this clearly.

You can find out how she's responding easily by putting yourself in her shoes. If you weren't interested in a woman and she started to become sexual, what would you do?

Generally, you would try to be polite but move to get away from her, as well as decrease eye contact and discontinue smiling so you don't give her the wrong impression. Look out for these responses in the lady and evaluate your moves accordingly.

## BE OPEN ABOUT THE DETAILS OF YOUR QUEST

If you're only looking for one-night stands and casual sex relationships, it's very important that you let her know in the first ten minutes of your initial meeting. Once you become up-front about your intentions, your chances of getting what you want increases exponentially. The worst thing you can do is lead a lady to believe you're good boyfriend material, then tell her afterwards that you only want to do the horizontal mambo. You will make her feel stupid and your chance of getting what you want is basically zero.

However, it is also very important to use tact when doing so. It would be sleazy and uncouth to simply say 'Yep, so I'm hoping to get laid tonight! Hopefully I'll get lucky!"

Instead, a great way to let a girl know you're not boyfriend material is by letting her know you love being single and seeing how she responds.

For example, I might say 'Isn't it great being single? I love being single. There's a lot going on right now with work and I love that I get to just be selfish with my life. I get to learn a huge amount on my own that I never would have in a relationship'. Suddenly, she knows that you don't want a relationship. If she continues to flirt with you, she knows where you stand and is okay with it. You must make your purpose known early in the initial meeting, preferably during the first five minutes.

Once she knows you're not boyfriend material, you need to find out whether she's okay with one night stands.

## ASSUMPTIVE QUESTIONS

If you ask the lady whether she's up for one night stands, she's likely to say no even if the answer could be yes. This is why I like to ask questions that assume she has had one night stands- because they allow her to tell me whether she has, hasn't, or is open to them. I ask for her opinion on one night stands by assuming she's had them before. E.G: 'Let me ask you a question. I was discussing this with my friends. You meet a guy one night and you hit it off. You go home together and the sex is great. Afterwards, are you supposed to stay overnight or leave after the deed is done? What's the right thing to do? After all – you guys have literally just met '.

There are two possible options for a response:

– 'I don't have one night stands but will answer the question'- in which case you know she's unlikely to come home with you.

– Or she will simply answer the question, in which case she has either had one night stands before or is curious about them.

The second is great news and a huge indicator that she is open to having a one night stand. If she has done it before, the likelihood of her coming home with you increases exponentially. When I was working in the finance sector, we always looked for past behavior when handing out loans. This was a safe indicator of whether a candidate was likely to pay their loans. Past behavior is also a huge indicator of whether a lady is likely come home with you tonight.

Once you have the answer to this question, you need to see if she is available to come home with you. The lady won't come home with you if she's the designated driver or has work in a couple of hours.

## BRINGING HER BACK TO YOUR CASTLE

When you meet a woman that you want to take home, it's really important to realize that often times, even if she's really into you, logistics can make a sexual encounter impossible on any given night. For this reason, you really want to find out the answers to some really important questions.

Fortunately, if you ask questions in the right way, you can double your screening questions as a form of sexual escalation.

There are four things you need to find out:

Who is she out with? This should tell you if there's a boyfriend around, if she's out with a sister (who might be protective), if she's out on a hen's night (she'll rarely leave the hen on the night to go home with a guy), if she's out with a brother (also usually bad news for you) and so on.

How did she travel there? If she drove in, and you drove in, think of the logistical difficulty of both driving in separate cars back to your house. It's an awkward situation you want to try and solve before it arises. Is she the designated driver for her friends, then she can't very well leave with you. Maybe her sister is the designated driver, and will never let her leave with a guy.

Where does she live? How far away from you is she? Is there a way you can both get home using the same means of transport? Sharing a taxi, dropping her off on the way back home, etc? Does she live somewhere really far away that will be tough for the both of you to get to? Is she from another city and staying in a hotel?

Who does she live with? Does she live with parents? If so, would there be a problem if she never came home? If she's in a serious relationship or married, you'll find out here as well as she'll probably live with a man. Does she live alone? Could you go back to hers instead of yours? Does she live with a sister or brother who might be protective?

By asking these questions in a row, you make her feel like you are screening her for sexual availability that night. You haven't said anything sleazy or rude, but she will still feel where you are pushing the conversation. Observe how she responds to this line of questioning and try and gauge her receptiveness to it.

As well as asking these questions, also let women know your own logistics information. This way it's much less 'interview' and more like a normal conversation. If she doesn't like you, she'll find these questions uncomfortable or she'll refuse to answer them. This is another way to push the boundaries and see how she responds.

Once you have an answer to the logistics problem, you can move onto testing the water, pushing boundaries, and leading a lady to consider having sex with you.

## SMOOTH TALKING

The idea behind sexual escalation is doing something a bit sexual, a bit non-platonic, and seeing how they respond.

When you do something sexual with a girl and they're not interested in you it creates an awkward situation. Ramp it up until you see in their body language whether they either like it, or if it's making them uncomfortable.

Push it little bit by little bit until she responds; either well or badly. The main mistake guys make is they do something sexual, which she likes, and then think 'I've done something sexual now, it was well received, so I don't need to do any more'. They think that's enough and don't do anything else.

Your job is to keep pushing consistently and incrementally until you either get the response you want or see she doesn't like it.

Remember that her not liking it doesn't mean she doesn't like you, it's just that what you did/said was not welcome at the time. Take a step back, talk normal, tease, build rapport, then try again later.

I advocate escalating verbally rather than physically. It's much easier to be subtle about it and appear socially acceptable while doing so. You don't have to get her away from friends and can get away with more. As a general rule, women prefer subtlety over brashness.

To verbally push the sexual boundary, consider doing any or all of the following. These points are in no special order. You can be really subtle or really forward with each one- depending on where you are at in the conversation and how things are going.

## COMPLIMENTS

Give a compliment and see how she responds. This can be very subtle or very sexual.

E.G: (Subtle) 'That dress looks amazing on you. You look very elegant.'

E.G: (Sexualized) 'That dress looks amazing on you. It sits on your body in a very sensual way.'

E.G (Forward): 'That dress looks amazing on you... especially around your ass.'

## SEXUAL STORIES

Tell a story that has a sexual undertone. There are two useful reasons for doing so:

– You're pushing conversation to a sexual topic. Often people like talking about sex. It's a fun topic, and if you tell your story in a fun way women give in to talking about it.

– The way she responds is going to tell you a lot about the way she thinks about the topic. For example if you tell a story based around a one-night stand or a strip club and she responds with 'yuck that's sleazy' it tells you a lot about her attitudes towards sex (and that her panties are probably staying where they are tonight). It acts as a form of screening.

When it comes to sexual stories though, there are also two guidelines you must follow.

– The stories are never to be about you. You are never the one looking for sex or engaging in sex. And do not talk about your sexual exploits. Women generally don't like that and it makes you seem unclassy.

– The stories have to be funny, or at least fun and jovial in nature. A funny sexual story is easier to get into. Likewise a sexual story told without humor can come across creepy.

Here's an example of a story I like to tell:

'Last week I was out with a friend who was on the prowl because he hadn't been laid in months. I was so happy for him when he hooked up with this Asian with enormous boobs. But he wasn't happy when he found out it was a tranny'.

## TALK ABOUT THE FUTURE

When you talk about the future and make an assumption about the two of you, it becomes much more likely that the assumption is actually going to happen.

To give a non-sexual example (that can be utilized!), consider the following:

_You_ : Hey what are you drinking?

_Girl_ : Vodka and coke [it doesn't actually matter what she's drinking]

_You_ : Oh that doesn't sound exciting. When you finish we'll go to the bar and you'll get yourself a Long Island Ice Tea.

Now can you imagine how bad the conversation would have to be for her to say 'No I'm not going to bar with you when I finish'.

When she does finish her drink you then say 'Let's get that Long Island Ice Tea', she'll be much more likely to go with you. By not objecting to you when you first mention going to the bar, she's conceded she'll go with you- there's a subtle social rule here that she feels compelled to follow through on.

To make this sexual, you can talk about a future where you're both in bed together.

E.G: 'Are you a blanket thief? I bet you are! You look like a blanket thief! If I find out you're a blanket thief you won't be allowed over anymore. I have a strict policy!'

This example works so well because it also involves teasing her. If you do it so well she's so wrapped up in laughing and joking around with you she won't realize that she's actually agreed to go home and sleep with you.

There is an obvious caveat to this rule however: it will only works if she likes you and is actually considering your assumption happening in the future. This isn't going to make her like you or make her sleep with you- it only works if she's already thought of it herself. It just makes it more certain and/or likely it'll happen.

## REMOVE JUDGMENTS

Let her know you don't judge her. Women get the raw end of the stick when it comes to sex. If she chooses to sleep with a man, she is labeled a 'slut'. If she chooses not to, she is labeled a 'prude'. This sucks. By letting a woman know you don't judge her either way, it gives her the opportunity to make her own decisions without worrying about what you'll think of her.

E.G: 'Why do women in Australia care so much about what others think? Why can't they have casual sex if they want to? Some women want to be sexually promiscuous; why can't we just respect what women want and deal with it?'

By saying the above or similar you allow a woman to drop her defenses and act in the way she wants to with you, should she choose to do so (you lucky dog).

There is a very subtle power here, similar to that of talking about the future, that shouldn't be overlooked. Again mentioning Cialdini's Commitment and Consistency, if a woman agrees upon something you say, she'll be more compelled to follow through with her actions later on.

As a non-sexual example, you may ask 'Why do girls in Australia ask guys to pay for everything?' before going on a date. If she agrees with or empathizes with you on the point, it's unlikely you'll won't have to pay for her on the date.

Bringing up any bad behavior this way before she does it makes issues less likely to come up later on.

CHALLENGE HER

A fun way to push boundaries is by challenging her to make a move. This is a fun way to get a girl to kiss you- you're making fun of the situation, you're teasing her (not offending her).

Consider what happened with me with a cute Colombian girl:

_Damien_ : You're really cute, I dated a South American once and she was a really bad kisser

_Woman_ : Well don't worry I'm really good

_Damien_ : I don't know... I'd hate to go on a date with you and have a great time only to find out you're a bad kisser at the end (cheeky grin)

_Woman_ : Well don't worry that won't happen!

_Damien_ : Prove it!

_Woman_ : [jumps to kiss me]

It's also a very obvious trap. It only works if she likes you and wants to kiss you.

To give a more sexual example, consider the following. It's also a great example of sexual teasing!

E.G:

_You_ : You seem like such a sweet girl, shame you couldn't handle a guy like me (cheeky grin)

_Her_ : Haha what makes you say that?

_You_ : Oh please, I bet you tire out really easily. Or even worse I bet you're a starfish.

_Her_ : No way!

_You_ : Oh my god you are a starfish! I've just wasted twenty minutes talking to a starfish!

_Her_ : No way I'm amazing in bed! I'm not a starfish!

_You_ : Prove it!

Please note that the above example is paraphrased- the reality is you'll have to spend a lot longer teasing her to get to that stage. Just remember to make it all fun, playful banter.

So now that you have all the elements of verbal escalation together, here is a brief walkthrough on how I would go about putting it all together:

– I'll give a compliment 'That dress looks amazing!'

– If the reaction is positive, I might say 'Actually, I have to admit I lied. It's not really the dress I'm looking at- it's those boobs. Mozart would've written a symphony about them.' I gauge her reaction.

– If she laughs and plays along, I'll let her know that I love being single and I am focusing on myself right now.

– If she shares my sentiments, I'll share a funny sexual story. For example: 'I had dinner at a strip club the other night. I was starving. When the food finally came, it was a rack of lamb. At that moment, the show started. My brain was so confused whether I should look at the rack of lamb or the rack of boobs right in front of me'. I'll gauge her reaction again.

– If she thinks my story is funny, I'll ask her an assumptive question. For example 'Let me ask you question. I was discussing this with friends. You meet a guy one night and you hit it off. You go home together and the sex is great. Afterwards, are you supposed to stay overnight or leave after the deed is done?' I deduce her likelihood of her coming home with me by the answer she gives.

– If she has had one night stands before or is curious about them, I'll ask her about logistics. I start with 'Who are you out with?'. After she answers I answer with 'I'm out with the guys'. I ask 'How did you get here?', I let her answer, then answer with 'I drove here'. Then I ask 'Where do you live?' and after she answers I say 'I live about ten minutes away'. Lastly I ask 'Who do you live with?' She answers and I answer with 'I live on my own'. I gauge her reaction again.

– Once I know she can come home with me or I can go home with her, I escalate by ramping up the sexuality of the interaction and work on capturing her imagination about what could happen if we went home together.

– I ask her to come home with me. I'll do this by saying 'come home with me'.

## TOUCHY TOUCHY

With physical escalation, it's a matter of using body language to escalate and see where it takes you.

Here is one way to physically escalate:

Full body appreciation. When talking to the lady, perhaps ask her if she exercises much. Regardless of whether she says yes or no, stand back and check out her entire body, then say either "well It certainly shows" OR "Well if I could have that body without exercising I wouldn't either" This is an obvious sexual move to make. Gauge her reaction.

If she likes this, make the flirting triangle. Look at her eyes, then down to her mouth, then back up to her eyes. Gauge her reaction.

Touch her hand. The hand is full of nerve endings. It is one of the most sensitive places on the human body. If you don't think touching a hand is sexual, try gently placing your hand on top of another man's and see how weird it feels. Gauge her reaction.

Lead her somewhere (to the bar or a café for example) whilst holding her hand. Gauge her reaction.

Touch her shoulders and get close. Gauge her reaction.

Go in for the kiss. Gauge her reaction.

Get explicitly sexual (talking in the ear, touching one another)

Ask her to go home with you by saying 'Let's go back to my place'.

When it comes to teaching my students about one-night stands, there always seem to be more questions than answers. "Do I kiss her before or after I get her to my house? Do I touch her? If so where is it okay to touch her?'

The reality is every lady is different and your own methods will be different to mine too. Most women open to one night stands will go home with you if they like you and feel that the sex will be amazing. This does not mean that you need to work on your sexual techniques.

Some ladies will like you to kiss and touch them beforehand, some won't. Each technique is pretty much yours to experiment with.

But there is one thing you must do: capture her imagination.

You get a woman to come home with you by getting her all hot and bothered at the thought of you two together. If you do that successfully, the actual intercourse part becomes secondary and the long 'imagination foreplay' heightens the whole experience, turning it into something amazing.

You can capture that imagination by using:

– Sexual body language. We covered body language in detail in previous chapters, but here are a few body-language pointers for making conversations sexual:

a) Intense eye contact – giving her intense eye contact and thinking sexual thoughts whilst doing so is crazy sexual.

b) Looking intensely at her eyes, then down to her mouth, then back up to her eyes is super sexual. This is the 'Flirting Triangle'.

– Subtlety. Avoiding explicit sexual details in the conversation allows ladies to fill in the gaps in their imagination. This way you'll stick out in their dirty minds as opposed to if you just told them what you'd like to do to them.

I prefer to drive women wild with anticipation so I only verbally escalate before I get the lady to my place. Other guys will swear by 'kissing and touching' as the best way to take a lady home. I'm not going to argue here about the best method – you will find your own way that suits your personality best.

## COQUETTISH BEHAVIOR

Every so often the lady suddenly says she's having second thoughts about getting naughty between the sheets. This is her own anxiety popping up, which could be her desire to avoid the possible social stigma that comes with sleeping with you. Whatever the reason, below are some ways to respond if she says 'no' to you asking her home.

– Ask her to come get a bite to eat with you. Sometimes going from the initial meeting place straight to your home can be daunting. Getting some food can take some of the pressure off, especially since she's alone with you without her friends watching her.

– Challenge her a little in a fun and playful way. Say something like. "I bet you couldn't keep up with me anyway" or "You seem like a cool chick, but I'm way too much of a deviant for you". When she defends herself, look her dead in the eye and say "Prove it!"

– Persistence in a playful way may pay off. This is the right time to persist and see where it takes you. E.g. 'I'll tell you what. If I get this chip in that glass, you'll go home with me tonight.'

– Take the lead. By taking the lead throughout the night (and when she's having second thoughts) you will establish trust. When talking to the lady at a club, take her to the bar, then to the dance floor, then to a place to sit down, then back to the bar etc. Moving around gets the brain active and keeps you on your toes. It also gets the lady to become comfortable with you taking the lead. This way, it becomes less of a huge ask if you lead her outside the club to grab a bite to eat and then to your house.

– Give her a reason to come home with you. Most women won't agree to just coming home with you. This creates a lot of pressure and awkwardness in the travelling between where you met her and your house. This awkwardness isn't sexy and usually makes her wonder if she's making the wrong decision. Instead give her some excuse to come over, like 'I want to introduce you to my cat', or 'You have to see my vintage lava lamp collection!' She'll be smart enough to read between the lines.

If all else fails, don't get frustrated - grab her number and meet her another night.

The Tale of Sir Icingsugar

Sir Icingsugar set up a date with a pretty young damsel. They agreed to meet up for coffee, and she told him 'Just so you know I'm not going to sleep with you'. He said okay, and off for coffee they went. It was going great and she said again 'I'm not going to sleep with you'. He kissed her and again she said 'I'm not going to sleep with you'. They moved to a bar, and got a drink. They began making out hot and heavy and again she said 'I'm not going to sleep with you'. When the sexual tension could be cut with a knife, Sir Icingsugar invited her back to his place. She said 'Okay, but I'm not going to sleep with you'. When he got her back to his place, she said 'I'm not going to sleep with you'. Next thing she was on his bed again saying 'I'm not going to sleep with you'. Her clothes were off and Sir Icingsugar was going down on her, and she was saying breathlessly 'I'm not going to sleep with you...' Do you know what happened next? That giant leopard from a few chapters back came and ate both of them. But not before she slept with him.

Most times, when women say 'I'm not going to sleep with you', they're trying to convince themselves, not you. If they really aren't going to sleep with you, there's no need for anything to be said. This statement arises when she feels there is a good chance she'll be seduced and wants to maintain some control over herself, despite her body having other ideas.

The Tale of the Ivy Maiden

I approached a beautiful brunette at the Ivy. I only had a couple of minutes before I had to leave. I walk over to her and say:

_Damien_ : "Hey there, how's your night going?"

_Woman_ : "It's going great thanks"

_Damien_ : "What are you celebrating?"

_Woman_ : " Nothing, just here with friends"

_Damien_ : "Bullshit, you're celebrating Friday!"

_Woman_ : "You're right we totally are. I like your hat" [Takes my hat and puts it on her head]

_Damien_ : "Oh yeah, borrow my hat, you're welcome" [Roll eyes playfully]

_Woman_ : "I didn't ask hehe, I like this hat on you it goes well with your vest"

_Damien_ : "Thanks, I really like your shoes... they totally accentuate your great boobs"

_Woman_ : [laughs] "thanks, I'll try to wear them more often"

[INSERT TWO MINUTES OF MINDLESS BANTER]

_Damien_ : "I hate to say this, but my friends are leaving the club and I have to go with them, but I'd like to see where this conversation leads another time, it was just starting to get a bit saucy"

_Woman_ : "Sounds fun"

We then exchange numbers and I kiss her on the cheek goodbye.

Notice that I started talking sexually within a few minutes of starting the conversation. I wasn't there to pretend to be anything BUT a guy talking to a luscious lady he'd like to mount in the bushes. However I was also making sure not to be sleazy or desperate, so I made sure to wrap it all up in playful humor. It's really important to note that you can usually get away with saying ANYTHING you want to a woman so long as you wrap it up with humor and wit.

The next day, I wanted to try and continue on where we left off, so I decided to carry on the conversation via text message to see if I could escalate things to the point I wanted to escalate in the club. That way I wouldn't have to make a date with her not knowing how it would end, and potentially waste an evening with a woman who isn't interested in casual sex.

The SMS conversation went as follows:

_Damien_ : Hey there miss hat stealer, did those magnificent um... shoes of yours get any more compliments?

_Woman_ : Ha-ha, hey there, NO! You were the only one observant enough of my great "shoes"

_Damien_ : Well good thing for you I didn't have more time in the club with you... the mind boggles at what might have happened

Here I begin pushing her towards the sexual spectrum again to see how she responds.

_Woman_ : Is that so? Well we wouldn't want that now would we?

_Damien_ : That almost sounds like a challenge! That could get you into a lot of trouble.

_Woman_ : Me?? I never get into trouble! I'm a good girl... an Angel if you will...

_Damien_ : Of course, that's the first thing I noticed about you. I'm totally a virgin myself. I wouldn't know what crazy sex was if it came up and spanked me on the ass

_Woman_ : Oh right, you just walk up to random girls in clubs in order to help preserve their virginity?

_Damien_ : Yeah you know, guys really never think about sex... Okay I'm bad at lying, now stop teasing me and making me think naughty thoughts

_Woman_ : I somehow think that you need no assistance what so ever thinking naughty thoughts!

_Damien_ : True... I pretty much go there on autopilot these days

_Woman_ : So what movie reel is playing in that imagination of yours at the moment?

_Damien_ : Well, it's very dark, you're not wearing much clothing, and you're using the lord's name in vain a lot.

Try to avoid giving explicit sexual details to women unless you are already dirty talking to them in bed. Women have AMAZING imaginations, so leaving things subtle is always the best way to go.

_Woman_ : Damn... Well if I'm being grateful I'm not using it in vain am I?

_Damien_ : Valid Point. I like the way you think

_Woman_ : I suspect you'd like the way I do a few things

_Damien_ : Prove it

_Woman_ : Is that a challenge?

_Damien_ : Yes

_Woman_ : Ok

And that's the answer I was after, no more sexual talk required.

_Damien_ : Will you be out and about in the city tonight?

_Woman_ : Indeed I will be with a bunch of friends at Hotel Chambers. You?

_Damien_ : I'll be at a friend's party at Ivy until midnight. Perhaps we can cross paths after that?

_Woman_ : Maybe... Though I can't make promises about tonight as I'm the one who organized the outing, so I might not be able to leave early. But we'll see.

_Damien_ : Well, that's no big drama, it's more fun to just wing it and see where the night takes us (with some gentle prodding in a certain direction)

_Woman_ : I like the sound of that...

I put the likelihood of our meeting the next night at about ninety percent and lo and behold – we did meet and it was fun just like she said it would be.

The Tale of Sir Pancakemix

Sir Pancakemix knew he needed to talk sexual if he had any hope of trying to get a maiden back to his castle. He, like all men, was deeply scared of coming across as sleazy. This was the one area he hadn't bedded down yet (pun intended), and it was taking him longer than necessary. I had a stern talk with him one of the nights we were out and told him that for the next girl he approaches, he would have to compliment her and say that her body looked amazing in what she was wearing. 'It's very sensual and elegant' he would have to say. If he didn't do that, he would have to approach the next girl we saw and it probably wasn't going to work out well for him. Walking, we saw a gorgeous blonde with humungous boobs. I mean HUMUNGOUS BOOBS! There would've been enough milk there to send the dairy industry bankrupt. Naturally, Sir Pancakemix was intimidated. When he approached her, another student tapped me on the arm. I talked to the student for one minute, turned back around to see how Sir Pancakemix was going. And lo and behold, he was literally motor-boating her boobs! My eyes popped out in amazement. Turns out she was part of a hen's night and the girls had some dares they had to do. Her dare was to be sexual with the next man she talked to. Boy Sir Pancakemix got lucky with that group! Turns out the girls had a few more dares and he liked his odds of some of those dares ending up in his favor. And he was right...

#  PRACTICE WORKSHEET

Seducing Women

Do you prefer verbal escalation or physical?

Verbal

Physical

Write down your process for seducing her.

Last minute Resistance strategy

Write down two strategies you will try in order to get past last minute resistance.

# Chapter 14. FUN TWIXT THE SHEETS

' _Having sex is like playing bridge. If you don't have a good partner, you'd better have a good hand.'_

— _Woody Allen_

Getting into a casual sex relationship is as simple as seeing a girl you've already had sex with again and again. Except for some problems. Casual sex relationships left unchecked end up with girls wanting to date you or you wanting to date the girls. Trouble brewing!

Back in my university days, I worked in a busy tavern. As a bartender, it was normal to get flirted with. One night, I met a dainty damsel at the bar. I flirted with her and she hung around until I got off work. She offered to accompany me to my castle. I'm not one to turn down a lady's request so I took her home and spent the better course of the night impaling her with my lance. She left the next morning with a solid knowledge of medieval weaponry. That afternoon, I was working again. There was a long line outside of people waiting to get into the tavern. This damsel from the night before walked up to the bouncer and said 'Hey I'm Damien's girlfriend'. She went in and started introducing herself to all staff at the venue as my girlfriend. I thought she might have been a few bales short of a haystack. However I began to see a pattern happening over and over again. I found myself breaking up with girls I wasn't even dating and I felt awful. Even when the casual sex started out with both parties agreeing to keep things casual, I was suddenly finding that the girl in question couldn't stand the idea of us not being together. Or worse, would start to get jealous of other girls I might be sleeping with.

The problem I found was that I wasn't being straightforward. I thought that if a woman assumed we were together, it was her fault, not mine, because there was no agreement that we were going to get attached. By assuming, I unintentionally hurt my own self-esteem. No one likes to hurt other people's feelings and I wasn't trying to hurt anyone.

Once you've made a decision to get better with women, you've also made the decision to be single for a certain amount of time. This means that you might be engaging in one-night stands and casual sex relationships.

As men, we don't want to hurt any lady that gets involved with us nor do we want to get hurt ourselves. Unfortunately, casual sex is a minefield so there are strict rules you need to follow if you want to continue having casual sex without anyone getting hurt and angry.

## NEVER STAY OVER AT HER HOUSE OR ALLOW HER TO STAY OVER AT YOURS.

If it has to be, stay on your side of the bed and avoid intimate contact. Prolonged physical contact induces the release of Oxytocin, which is a female bonding hormone and will cause her to get attached to you.

Pretend she has the plague if you have to.

## SLEEP WITH MORE THAN ONE WOMAN.

This ensures that you don't get attached to any one woman unless you choose to. Every time you sleep with a woman, your body releases hormones such as Vasopressin, which is a male 'relationship' hormone. Animals that are high in Vasopressin are almost always monogamous, and animals that are low in Vasopressin are almost always polygamous. Human Vasopressin levels sit right in the middle, which undoubtedly frustrates scientists.

Every time you sleep with a woman, the Vasopressin your body releases causes you to think more like a potential mate. This is why post-sex you often feel like you suddenly have a much deeper level of connection with a woman; your body is full of Vasopressin, and hers is full of Oxytocin.

By ensuring you sleep with other women, you ensure that you can't get too connected to any one girl. If you want to stay single yourself and avoid heartache by becoming attached to a casual sex girl, this is the best way to go.

## MAKE ALL YOUR 'NOT DATES' CENTER AROUND THE SEX PART OF THE NIGHT.

If you have dinner together, talk with sexual innuendos. Cooking dinner at home? Ask her to wear sexy lingerie, so that there's no mistaking that this is not a relationship.

## NO PROLONGED AFFECTIONATE HUGGING OR SPOONING.

This releases bonding chemicals in the body for both of you and increases your likelihood of 'falling' into a relationship if you don't keep it under control. Remember: spooning after forking eventually leads to a knifing.

## RESPECT HER PRIVACY.

Most women engage in casual sex to experiment and feel liberated. It is your duty to respect her privacy and build trust with her. She will never engage in casual sex with you if you don't let her know she can trust you. You can build trust by showing her that you can be mature and discreet. Let her know that she can trust that your casual relationship is private and that she's in good hands for all her experimentation needs. This can and often does mean no bragging to friends behind her back. She will see it in their eyes if she ever meets them. Sometimes women are like human lie detectors so beware.

## SEE EACH GIRL AT LEAST ONCE A FORTNIGHT, BUT NO MORE THAN ONCE A WEEK.

See a lady too often and she'll end up seeing you as her boyfriend. See her not enough and she'll lose interest.

## CONTACT GIRLS YOU'RE SEEING EVERY FIVE DAYS.

There's a fine line between too much contact and not enough contact when dating multiple girls. Contact her too much and she sees you as her boyfriend. Contact her too little and she suspects you don't care about her. The best solution is to contact her every five days or so. This doesn't have to take up much time at all - just a quick message here and a quick call there and you're good to go.

## AVOID SEEING HER FRIENDS AND FAMILY.

You're not her boyfriend so don't get inside her social circle. Meeting her friends and family will only create more attachment and invite questions such as 'Are you guys dating?' or 'Why don't you guys go out?' This makes things overly complicated and awkward so don't go there.

## HANDLE THE "OTHER WOMEN" QUESTION SMOOTHLY.

The "Are you dating/sleeping with other women?" question is potentially a very deadly one. Stuff it up and it's very likely that you'll lose the girl or create unnecessary drama. So how should one handle this question? The first step is to recognize that the reason she's asking this question is because she is seeking reassurance. She wants to know that she is important to you and that you are likely to stay in her life for at least the near future. Whether or not you are actually sleeping with other girls is less important to her than how she is unique and valuable to you. Your answer then should be geared towards providing the reassurance that she seeks.

This should be done as honestly and as kindly as possible.

There's a number of ways to provide this reassurance verbally and you should create your own personalized script that works for you and represents your honest feelings on the matter. What I say is usually along the lines of "Well you know there are no rules in this relationship, and if not now, then sometime in the future the odds are that I'll be sleeping with other women. But when I'm with you, my mind is entirely with you, and you have my fullest attention. I wouldn't want to keep seeing you if I didn't genuinely enjoy having you around." Then I try to change topic and focus on something more positive.

## GET RID OF UNWANTED GIRLS SMOOTHLY.

If you want to get rid of a girl smoothly, I would ask that you just be honest. You can just suddenly cut off all contact with no explanation, or gradually reduce the contact you do have; but in the long run these strategies will hurt both you and the girl far more than simply telling the truth. Focus on a clean cut with tactful honesty approach.

Say that you have met someone else, and that it has nothing to do with her not being good enough, but rather that this other girl is simply an amazing fit for you.

It's hard to break up with a woman, but honesty is the nicest thing to offer someone. If emotions are involved, it really sucks not knowing the whole truth- and that's exactly where you leave someone if you use any other strategy.

Although it's hard emotionally, being honest here will also boost your self-esteem.

## TREAT WOMEN YOU'RE SLEEPING WITH LIKE FRIENDS.

I believe that the main underlying rule for dating multiple girls is to treat them all like friends. If I had to explain or teach casual and multiple relationships in just one sentence I'd explain it by saying something like this:

"Having multiple girls in your life is simply you having a number of girls who you are close friends with, hang out with, have fun with AND sleep with as well".

Her being your friend means that you always treat her with the care, love and respect you give any other friend you share fun times and experiences with. When you are together you give her your full attention. In times of need you are there to help her and she does the same for you. You also sleep with her as well (of course) but you don't treat her like sex is the only reason you spend time with her (it shouldn't be).

But the important point is not to spend MORE time with her than you would a friend, and not to do MORE for her than you would a friend. She isn't a girlfriend, and doesn't get those extra privileges. You aren't holding her hand in public, and you're not spending hours kanoodling in a park together. That's romance and that needs to be left for the girlfriend realm.

Once you get more experience, you'll realize that it's not worth it to have a casual relationship with a woman that looks amazing but has no personality to offer you. She truly is a "friend with benefits" in the true sense of the phrase.

As she is your friend, as time goes by if you realize that she is wanting a little more of the flowers/gazing at the stars/gondola in Venice sort of thing, and assuming you aren't interested in providing her that, you must always handle the situation with kindness and with care. You respectfully tell her your reasons for wanting to stay single, emphasize how much you enjoy spending time with her and that no matter what happens you will always remember the time you shared together and hope you can always remain friends.

If it does end up that she decides to stop sleeping with you so she can seek a committed relationship with someone else, accept that with respect and kindness. She is still a friend, just now without the benefits but the care, love and respect still remains as it would with any other friend.

## ENCOURAGE HER TO BE SLEEPING WITH OTHER GUYS.

This communicates that you intend to sleep with other women, and reminds her that you are not committed and that you don't see your relationship that way WITHOUT having to have an awkward chat.

Remember, she is not your girlfriend. Behaving like she is will confuse her and make her angry when she gets attached to you and you have to tell her 'I don't want a relationship'.

Bear in mind that females release vast amounts of the bonding hormone Oxytocin during sex, hugs and affection. It is not her fault that she is developing feelings for you but your fault for being weak and cultivating those feelings if you do not feel the same way.

Here are some signs you may have screwed up:

– She kisses more passionately than normal

– She touches and hugs tighter during sex

– She stares at you for a long time after intercourse

– She gets upset if you leave on the night and she likes it when you sleep over

– She makes snide comments when you talk to her about other women

– She takes you to a bridal expo

You will know when you're in trouble. You will feel like you're doing something wrong.

## WHEN DEMONS APPEAR...

In order to recover from the lady getting too attached, you'll have to bite the bullet and feel like a bit of an asshole. Consider it punishment for your mistakes.

Sit down, have a serious conversation with the lady and reinforce the following:

– That you want her to sleep with other men.

– Be blunt and reinforce the strict boundaries, which she will either accept or leave.

– Let her know bluntly that you are sleeping with other women.

– Genuinely apologize for your mistakes in leading her to believe otherwise.

This will be a hard conversation to have but it's the right thing to do. Most importantly however, uphold any new boundaries you reset and don't fall into old patterns.

Once I got involved with men's work and started exploring what it meant to be a man, I made myself a promise to always be honest at all times about what I wanted. I was not going to lead my life by making assumptions with myself or with other people. From that day, I let women know right in the beginning I did not want a girlfriend. I let her know I wasn't the one to settle down with and if she's looking for that, then she's probably talking to the wrong person. I had previously thought that it would cause women to stay away from me but in reality, I ended up with more potential casual sex partners than I ever had before. These women trusted me and knew where I stood at all times. Turns out that's what women wanted all along.

#  PRACTICE WORKSHEET

Checklist

Staying over at her house or allowing her to stay over at yours?

Are you sleeping with just one woman?

Making your encounters all about sex?

Hugging, spooning and being affectionate?

Forgetting to remind her of other women in your life?

Respecting her privacy and never telling your friends about intimate details?

Seeing each girl more than once a fortnight?

Contacting girls in less than 5 days?

Hanging with her friends or family?

Are you not being respectful about other women in your life?

Not treating her like a friend?

Not encouraging her to sleep with other guys?

If any alarm bells are raised, seriously consider whether you're making a mistake and whether someone will get hurt

#

# Chapter 15. MATTERS OF LOVE

" _Bigamy is having one wife too many. Monogamy is the same."_

— _Oscar Wilde (1854-1900)_

Hollywood has done a lot to contribute to our views of how love works, and what we should expect from a partner who supposedly loves us. Want the blueprint for a perfect relationship? Watch any movie starring Hugh Grant.

Most of us have very personal views on what love is, and scientists are getting ever closer to clearly defining the chemical processes that occur inside our bodies when we fall in love with someone. Scientists do know that it's very similar to a Cocaine hit. Imagine if that was sold on the streets! (Actually it is- check out Hugh Grant's police record.)

I'm not going to tell you how to determine if someone is right for you, or how to tell if a woman loves you, or who should say the 'L' word first. It's all up to you to judge these scenarios. After all, it's your relationship and this will always be a learning ground.

However I want to talk about love as a very dangerous and possibly life-destroying habit that many men and women blissfully fall into without ever paying any attention to it. Everyone knows someone that has wasted years of their life clearly dating someone that was ruining their life, but they stuck to the relationship because of what they describe as 'love'. You may even be guilty of this yourself.

We all like to think of love as this magical thing that happens when two people who are destined to be together meet. However, as a dating coach with years of experience, I know that the reality is harsh and different.

## YOU CAN FALL IN LOVE WITH ALMOST ANYONE

If I present any man with any woman who:

– Treats him well for a few months

– They engage in sex exclusively for a month or two

– See each other two or three days a week

...then guess what happens? A leopard appears and eats them.

But should you not get eaten by a leopard, it is highly likely they will both start to develop strong feelings for each other. They don't even have to be too compatible, just compatible enough not to get the police called around in the first few months.

It's the same the other way around too, in fact even more so.

Give a woman a man:

– Who treats her well

– Who she can trust

– Who she gets along with

– Add sex

Combine these factors for a month, and BAM - Love.

Women release far higher doses of bonding hormones such as Oxytocin during periods of intimacy such as during sex, or prolonged physical contact.

Knowing that we can fall in love with almost anyone, we must do our due diligence in finding the right partner in our lives.

## EVERY MAN MUST DECIDE IF A WOMAN IS WORTH BEING EMOTIONALLY INVOLVED WITH

All too often I watch guys start dating a girl, and they say 'no way man, she's totally not what I'm looking for at all, this is just a casual thing'. But they fall into the dating pattern of seeing each other two to three times a week, they spoon at night after sex, and they open up and tell each other private information. Then a few months later I ask the same guy about his 'casual' partner and suddenly she's become a serious potential Long Term partner. Talk to the same guy a few months after they break up and he'll once again concede that they never should have dated.

Often times the fellow can't get away from a relationship he does not want to be in – especially when there's children involved. They get married to the wrong person and forget about their own happiness. This is so sad to watch and completely avoidable by making some good decisions.

## DON'T WASTE YEARS OF YOUR LIFE DATING THE WRONG WOMAN SIMPLY BECAUSE SHE WAS 'NICE ENOUGH'

Create a list of what you want in a woman. Don't expect any woman to completely satisfy that list, but be wary if she falls well short of what you describe in your list.

You should be aware that you are capable of falling in love with any woman you are consistently sleeping with, and avoid getting emotionally close with any woman unless you have made up your mind that she is worthy of the love you have to offer.

Be the 'decider' of who you date, and don't allow yourself to get pulled down the slippery relationship slope.

I've watched too many men get into relationships that were completely wrong for them, and when it all falls apart, I watch them openly admit it was all a big avoidable mistake.

Often these mistakes damage their lives mentally, emotionally, and financially.

## SEARCHING FOR THE PRINCESS

Divide your list by non-negotiables and negotiables. These will break down what you MUST have in your partner and what would be 'nice to have'. Look at all your past relationships and you'll find a bunch of things you did not like and would not like to experience again.

Let me tell you about my own experience, the Tale of Lady Madeleine.

My ex-girlfriend Madeleine was a very sweet girl. We didn't argue and got along great. She was ten years older than me and wanted to settle down. I was just starting my business then and wanted to focus on my career. We started off as casual sex partners and somehow I had fallen into a relationship. This was by complete accident because I initially remember telling my friends I didn't want to date her. It somehow just happened.

Many months later, I knew deep down that I shouldn't be in the relationship. I wanted to be out roaming free, working on my career and dating other damsels (which incidentally happened to be one and the same). I knew I wasn't ready to settle down, yet there I was living with someone I cared about but didn't want to date. There was nothing really wrong with her so I felt trapped without a good reason to leave. She really cared about me and wanted to look after me – how could I leave her? I let it go on for months until one morning it dawned on me that I needed to break up with her. I couldn't tell you why it was that morning. We weren't fighting. We were just there having breakfast and I told her it wasn't working. Obviously, she was upset.

As I drove to my parent's house with my clothes, at no time in my life previously had I felt so empowered, so alive and so vindicated in having made the hard but right choice in my life. I know I learnt some lessons and it sounds disrespectful to say but I wasted two years in a relationship I should never have gotten into in the first place.

After this relationship, I refused to merely 'fall' into a relationship. One night, I wrote down my own version of the perfect woman I wanted in my life. I have never shared this with anyone as it's personal but I felt I should include it here without any editing. If the below sounds conceited, remember it was always meant for my eyes only.

Dark skin, dark hair. Ideally not Asian or Indian. Typical curvy body, nice shaped butt, boobs should be very perky and don't need to be any larger than a C cup- but no smaller than B. The woman should keep herself healthy by going to gym, or otherwise keeping fit. I love dark eyes, the darker the better, I can get lost in dark eyes. Honey brown skin is perfect.

I want her to be from another country. With an accent and still clearly be able to speak her mother tongue. I would like her to have grown up in another culture, so that her views can constantly challenge my own- which have no doubt been tainted by the culture I grew up in.

I want a woman who has ideally grown up around success and money, or at least who isn't addicted to the idea of money as the only means to happiness. The woman by my side must be able to fit in around the successful people I will myself be surrounded by.

I would love a woman who has a great talent. This talent would ideally be in a more creative area such as dancing, singing, writing or painting.

I want a woman who is free from emotional blockages and feels life very deeply. She must not be a prisoner of her emotions.

A woman who wants to put our lives together ahead of her own nine-to-five job or business. A woman who combines my purpose with hers, because her purpose is to be the partner who supports her man all the way. I want her to serve me not as a servant on her knees, but as a great woman who recognizes the greatness of her man and wishes to work with him as an equal to a noble goal.

A woman who can tend to my wounds when I come home from battle. Healing energy is an important quality for me to find in a woman.

I have only found a few women in my life who make me sexually ravenous for them and only them. I want my partner to be one of these women. She must be sexually comfortable with her body and give herself to me as my woman. Above all, I must completely trust her to do right by me and be faithful to me, not just sexually, but be faithful to me amongst her friends, my friends and our families as well. I must be her No. 1 priority until children come on the scene.

A woman who will give her life to our children, and won't insist on working if it is not necessary. I need a woman who will be a good mother, and will help me raise children in the way that I see as important - with rules and boundaries and a clear sense of social etiquette. Our children must also be given time to simply be children as well, I don't want a strict mother either.

I want to get along with my partner's family. And I want her to get along with and most importantly respect my family.

I want my partner to understand respect for people, especially the elderly, and I want her to pass this onto our children.

A woman who doesn't believe that social morals are always the correct ones, and that not all rules are created equal. A woman who has her own moral compass such as I do, and who follows it with integrity.

My woman must be highly intelligent both logically and emotionally. She needs to have a deep understanding of the human condition and be constantly eager to learn more about herself and others. A general thirst for knowledge and self-improvement is of utmost importance.

My woman must be able to laugh a lot and have a good sense of humor.

And my woman must constantly challenge me to be a better man, but understand when I go through a 'low' period where I can't always meet her challenges.

When I met Diviya months later, I had no interest in relationships. I was confident, I was building a new company, I had written my list of traits I wanted in a partner and was committed to them. I'll admit I had girls all around me. In fact I had so many that I had to tell them all I couldn't see them anymore. My new company was the most important thing in the world to me, and these women became a negative distraction.

Diviya and I both made it very clear to each other in no uncertain terms that we didn't want a relationship. That was perfect for both of us and our life goals.

But as we started to sleep together, I realised something about Diviya. She WAS a really good woman for me. She possessed the most important traits on my list.

She was highly driven, a great copy writer, she had a lot of respect for family, and a lot of respect for me. She had a great sense of humour, she was intelligent, she was emotionally mature and understood very well the human condition. She pushed relentlessly to make me a better man, and most importantly she wanted to stand by my side and help me build my company into an empire. Sure she was Indian, didn't want children, didn't have a creative talent, barely spoke any of her parents' native language nor was she from a wealthy family - but it didn't matter when all the non-negotiables matched up so well.

So here I was wanting to be single with a big dilemma.

At a certain point, I made a decision (she had made the same decision I would learn much, much later), not to sleep with anyone else so that I could be emotionally open to her and determine if we could get along on a deeper level.

But what was important was that I made a decision. Diviya was by no means always easy to get along with, but she filled me with passion and I knew she stood out far above the other women I had been seeing.

By only sleeping with each other, we slowly began to develop deeper feelings for each other.

But nothing happened by accident. I was aware of the decisions I was making with Diviya. It was a relationship I had decided to have, and at the time of writing this book, we have been together for four years. Sure there are a lot of other women I could be sleeping with, but this was a woman I had chosen for all the right reasons.

If more men fell in love with the right people ON PURPOSE, there would be a lot less cheating and a much lower divorce rate.

It's also important not to be too picky otherwise you'll end up alone forever. Bear in mind that some things on your list can also be taught. For example, you can share your love for motorbikes with a lady and she can grow to love them.

Be willing to change your list as you experience life, grow and mature as a person. However, always look back at this list when starting to fall in love with a lady.

I expect a lot from my life and I work hard to make it happen. You should too. I expect the same from my partner. I also give a lot in my relationship and work hard to fulfil her expectations of me... and there are plenty of those believe me.

Behind every great man, is an incredible woman. This woman can either take you to heights you'd never reach alone, or destroy you. Be sure to make the right choice.

# PRACTICE WORKSHEET

**Write down your list of negotiables and non negotiables with women**

# Chapter 16. HOW TO LIVE HAPPILY EVER AFTER

_Q. Why couldn't the Buddha vacuum his couch?_

A. Because he had no attachments.

If you think that one day your problems with women will magically end and you'll live happily ever after, then you're wrong. You will forever be striving for new and interesting ventures, which will give you higher quality problems. If you master one-night stands, you might want to strive for threesomes or whatever else your sexual fancies cater to. Every step up will include its own unique challenges for you to conquer. Much like a video game.

As already mentioned, video games are designed to be just challenging enough to keep you interested, but not so challenging that you get frustrated and eventually lose interest. Even when you get the ultimate goal – that amazing woman in your life- your learning in relationships has only just begun. You must learn to work with a new person in your life and try to make a happy life together. Let's face it – if there weren't challenges for us to conquer, we'd all get very bored.

Besides, once you get some experience under your belt, you'll want to experiment with how you fare by just ignoring everything you know (even everything in this book). I even recommend doing this because everything in this book has been tried and tested many times but you will never truly find your own way with attracting women if you simply follow and never do any testing yourself. There are no absolute rules and one cannot expect absolute rules because we are dealing with humans that feel and think and behave in many different ways. In fact, the variables are in the trillions for every interaction, therefore it is not possible to have rules that are absolute. This book is your starting point and your foundation to attracting women. It's designed to bring out the best version of yourself.

A great example is Sir Fantail, who has learnt that he plays the dark and mysterious stranger very well. So he doesn't smile. He is what I call a silent assassin. He is so smooth that you wouldn't know he was hitting on anyone. He'd be talking to a girl one minute, then no one would know where they both went – her friends included. He just 'disappears' with women and it's a mystery what happens until I see him days later walking with a limp and a hell of a smile.

On the other hand Sir Sundae was a guy with lots of money, so naturally he spent his cash on a variety of experts on attracting women. Sir Sundae also decided to stop smiling, but unlike Sir Fantail, everything went completely down the gurgler for him. He started to come across as creepy to women and sent many a fair maiden running for the hills. So much so that his best friend contacted me explaining the situation and begging me to step in and snap him out of it.

Attraction is a classic case of 'To each their own'. The caveat is 'So long as it works'. Never spend too much time trying to get a technique right if it's clearly not working for you. Your learning will continue as long as you remember to always be willing to make mistakes. Once you do that, you can protect yourself from mistaking yourself as being the expert.

I see this all too often. The moment many guys begin to think of themselves as 'intermediate' or 'expert', is the moment most of them who traveled so far with so much work suddenly stop progressing. Why? Because as 'experts', we get a certain amount of credibility and as such, we believe that we aught never to make basic mistakes anymore. In fact, they suddenly rob themselves of the right to be wrong, or the ability to make a fool of themselves in the quest to keep learning, lest the newbies stop believing that they are really 'experts'.

I am always a learner first and foremost. You'll be amazed how many times a newbie can give me a perspective I haven't heard before and make me think about an aspect of attraction in a whole new way. Sometimes beginners can see the big picture much better than those of us who have been in this for so long –this is why you must listen and learn. This is also the reason why this book includes the experiences of my students as opposed to just my life as the so-called expert.

## Eudaimonia

Let's face it - the real reason we want to become experts at attracting women is because we feel this will ultimately make us happy – truly happy. I want to discuss happiness because I would hate for you to get to the end and realize that attracting women didn't really make you happy.

What kind of happiness are we looking for?

There are two types of happiness:

1. HEDONISTIC HAPPINESS

2. EUDAIMONIC HAPPINESS

Hedonistic happiness is the very brief spurt of excitement we get from all sorts of external events in our lives. These are, but not limited to, eating tasty food, talking to a hot woman, having crazy sex, doing drugs, buying a new car and making money. Hedonistic Happiness is about achievement of specific goals - it has an actual end-point of achievement. These are brief spurts of 'happy'. You get it and you're excited, then you come back down to your baseline happiness.

Eudaimonic happiness is the general feeling of wellbeing, which is classified by life-satisfaction. You could call it a constant feeling of contentment. Meditative Buddhist Monks are measurably the happiest people ever recorded. They strive for a constant eudaimonic happiness.

Whilst we get into attracting women to find hedonistic happiness – the quick release of pleasure; the form of happiness that every man should be chasing is eudaimonic happiness. Eudaimonia is an ongoing pursuit, and never needs a specific explosive end-point.

Our society nowadays is based on Hedonistic happiness. This is how advertising works so well. Have a problem with this? Fix it with that. Buy this amazing sports car and women will be falling all over you. Feeling unhappy? Go on anti-depressants.

This solution is obviously not working for long-term happiness. In reality, society does not want you in pursuit of eudaimonic goals because the economy will come to a stand-still if enough people stopped buying things for hedonistic pleasure and focused on long term eudaimonic happiness instead. If you don't believe me, look at people who win the lottery. Those that buy tickets to the lottery believe that money will buy them happiness. However, most lottery winners focus on the pursuit of Hedonistic happiness and lose all their money as quickly as they win it.

I'll be the first to admit that it's not easy. I always leave some money aside to buy funky techno gadgets and will kill some very good people for amazing chocolate cake. However, I am consistently moving towards what I love and I stay in pursuit of what brings me long-term happiness.

Think back to a point in your life where you were actively taking steps to have what you wanted. This could be the time:

– You were two weeks into a healthy diet

– You were two weeks into a new gym program

– You had just quit a job you hated

– You just enrolled in that course you've wanted to do for ages

– You finally decided to start writing that book you always wanted to write

How amazing did you feel? The activity of taking steps towards what you want in life brings eudaimonic happiness.

Attracting women is filled with hedonistic pursuits. Very few things can rival the excitement of the chase, especially when she's beautiful and intelligent. Still few things can rival the general upsurge of pleasure when you get her and have her in your bed. God knows that's a pretty great feeling, and isn't even rivaled by the most potent of drugs.

There is however a very big trap that too many men fall into. You see, whether or not you are aware of it, there is a eudaimonic reason why you have all gotten involved with attracting women. However most of your end goals are focused on the hedonistic pleasures of the physical pursuit of women. There's nothing wrong with enjoying the hedonistic pleasures that come your way, but they should never be the end goal. Why not?

You must all become aware of what is the eudaimonic goal that you are really pursuing by trying to get better with women. A eudaimonic goal exists for everyone, but we need to find it and always be aware of what it is we are looking for. This is not the simple pursuit of sleeping with women, or getting a woman to fall in love with you.

When I first got involved in trying to attract women, my eudaimonic goal was simply to know that I could conquer any weakness and fear I had in life. Growing up, people would tell me that humans would simply go through life with certain weaknesses and no matter what we did, we wouldn't be able to change them. I hated that mind set, and wanted to prove to myself that it wasn't true.

After a while of actively pursuing that goal, I found it somewhat boring. I lost some interest, and I found that I slowly began to look towards being a coach in this area. It's my goal now to discover how many lives I can change by imparting onto them the lessons I've learned in my life. Allow your goals to change as you grow, mature and modify as a man.

If you are living a rich life pursuing your goals, you may find one day you wake up and the goals you have aren't that exciting anymore. It's important to accept this as part of the process of living life to its fullest. You then begin the task of changing directions and pursuing with vigor a new set of goals.

Your long-term eudaimonic goals should never be specific, just a vague sense of direction. You should not actively be in pursuit of your eudaimonic goals as you're not trying to attain anything specific, just gain an awareness of the direction you're heading.

For me, my eudaimonic goals are:

– I want to impact as many lives as possible in a positive way.

– I want to be healthy.

– I want to be as highly educated as possible.

My eudaimonic goals come into play when I'm trying to make a tough life decision. I just ask myself at any of life's turning points "Will this help me impact more lives, become healthier, or teach me something valuable?" If the answer is no, then I turn it down and move on.

Let's find your eudaimonic goal.

So first things first, write down what you want from life, and I solely want you to focus on general directions. Don't worry about vagueness. Even a single solitary word like 'success' or 'loyalty' or 'peace' or 'adventure' is good enough. Find something that really resonates with you.

Now you have a eudaimonic compass set up in your mind. This means that any time you have to make a life decision, observe your compass and see if it takes you closer to any of those words you wrote down. This is the first step!

Secondly I want you to think of three tasks you can accomplish this week that will move you further in the direction of that fuzzy eudaimonic goal. Perhaps you said 'adventure' as a keyword. Spend thirty minutes brainstorming adventurous activities on a piece of paper. You can do that now.

Make a list from it. For example:

– Go kayaking

– Take a surfing lesson

– Go indoor rock climbing

– Do salsa classes

– Join an urban exploration group

– Buy a safari suit and crawl around pretending to hunt Leopards

The mere action of DOING this task will bring you happiness. It will in fact bring you EUDAEMONIA. WHY? Because you are engaged in the process of working towards something you love, something that has no end point in mind. What's more is that if you compare that to eating a piece of chocolate cake, doing drugs, or screwing a beautiful woman, you will feel MUCH HAPPIER and more content with your life for a much longer period of time.

Every single decision you make in life will have tradeoffs and benefits. The decision to approach that cute girl in the café can cause potential pain, but even with the pain, it can bring invaluable experience. That's a choice that you make, even though your body makes you feel like it's not.

Choices, like staying at your boring but well-paying job, or approaching despite fear of pain and rejection are quite big choices to make.

I want to step back a bit for a moment.

Every single little choice you make in life shapes the life that you live. What you decided to have for dinner tonight. What you decided to text your friends during the day. Whether you decided to skip gym. All these choices very quickly add up together to shape the life you will have in three months, and the life you have in one year.

There is a great art in learning to be a good quality decision maker. Too often we forget how much of what we do is a choice. We walk around with life happening to us, shaping us, molding us- rather than us shaping and molding our lives.

## Hedonia

Imagine if you could begin to take control of all the little choices that you make in life. Imagine if you had the presence of mind to make choices with your life's eudaimonic goals in mind? Imagine if from today onwards, every time you made a choice, you asked yourself "Does this take me closer, or further away from my eudaimonic goals?" NOT 'will this bring me Hedonistic happiness or won't it?'

This is easy to master, but you simply have to start working on it straight away.

First of all, I want to make you aware of a choice you are making right now that you're probably not even aware of. You are reading this book. You always have the choice to close this book and throw it in the garbage.

I want you to ask yourself why you are reading this book. Perhaps it's because you are eager to learn, or perhaps you are eager to meet some friends, perhaps it's because you feel pressure to finish a book you start. What is your true reason?

Do you know that feeling of doing something like going to work, or writing up a report for a manager or doing an essay and finding yourself emotionally fighting it?

It is incredibly powerful to simply remind yourself that it's a choice you are making; and equally powerful to question whether you are making the right choice, and to ask yourself why you are making it.

Remembering that everything you do is a choice gives you control over your life. This is hugely beneficial.

This is where Kaizen comes in. Kaizen means "Improvement" or "Change for the Better". It came about in Japan following the end of World War II.

The basic idea is quite simple. No matter what the current state of an individual, team, or system is, if there is regular and consistent improvement for the better- no matter how tiny or seemingly infinitesimal the change- those changes very quickly combine to create a MASSIVE shift in the quality, outcome and efficiency of that individual, team or system.

Kaizen is taught to all Japanese Toyota employees and the concept has been greatly credited as being one of the big reasons why Toyota is the superpower it is today. There was a time when Japanese electronics were shoddy, unreliable, and cheap. Everyone knew that only cheap dodgy car crap came from Japan. The truth is that these days there are few places other than Japan better known for manufacturing in mass to such a high degree of quality. Toyota's cars have become the most reliable in the world.

I want your Kaizen to reach a tipping point of massive success also.

Kaizen is one of the major principals with which I live my life today. I know that as long as I am consistently making improvements to the way I live my life, the way I run my company, the way I coach my students, the way I behave in my relationships and the way I behave in all other areas in my life – eventually these small changes end up with an EPIC product, that gets EPIC results.

By consistently improving your approach, and entering the unknown you are becoming that self-confident person you came here to be.

Be fun, be happy, be amazing.
Names in this book have been changed to protect the guilty.

And to make you hungry...

# 

#  Reference Guide and Recommended Reading

 Behavior Therapy Techniques - Joseph Wolpe and Arnold Lazarus.

Bounce - Matthew Syed

 Comedy Writing Secrets - Melvin Helitzer

Drive - Daniel Pink

 Element - Sir Ken Robinson

 Feel the Fear and Do it Anyway - Susan Jeflers

Flipnosis - Kevin Dutton

 Happiness - Daniel Nettle

Human Behavioural Biology - Stanford University - Robert Sapolski

 Influence - Robert Cialdini

 Learned Optimism - Martin Seligman

Locus of Control - Julian B Rotter

Management Review - George T. Doran

 Mastery - George Leonard

Mate Preference Necessities in Long- and Short-Term Mating - University of Texas Research Paper

 One Small Step Can Change Your Life: The Kaizen Way - Maurer, Robert.

 Power over panic - Bronwyn Fox

 Predictably Irrational - Dan Ariely

 Sex at Dawn - Christopher Ryan and Cacilda Jetha

 Spin Selling - Neil Rackham

 The Brain that Changes Itself - Norman Doidge

 The Female Brain - Dr. Louann Brizendine

 The Happiness Trap - Dr. Russ Harris

 The Male Brain - Dr. Louann Brizendine

 The Triune Brain in Evolution - Paul Maclean

 Think and Grow Rich - Napoleon Hill

 Thinking Fast and Slow - Daniel Khaneman

 Way of the Superior Man - David Deida

 What Every Body is saying - Joe Navarro

 Wherever you go there you are - Jon Kabat-Zinn

# About The Author

DAMIEN DIECKE is the #1 Dating Coach in Australia.. He lives in Sydney, Australia with his girlfriend. Damien loves educating and inspiring other men and women to succeed and live the life of their dreams.

Learn more about Damien's Dating Coaching Company at http://www.schoolofattraction.com.au

## One Last Thing...

' _Life's most persistent and urgent question is, 'What are you doing for others?'_

— _Martin Luther King, Jr._

If you enjoyed this book and want to find out more, head to schoolofattraction.com.au/blog for more great advice, free webinars, Q & A's to get your questions answered and tons of value.

Thanks again for your support!

##  Contributors

I wish to mention the people that contributed to this book. Whether the help was big or small, in the end it's the people behind you that make all the difference.

Writer and Editor: Diviya Nand

Developmental Editor: Petr Joura

Editorial Assistant: David Evans

Great Help: All my awesome students and coaches
