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AJ Dixon / Everything Has Changed

Everything Has Changed

By AJ Dixon

Copyright © 2014 by AJ Dixon

ISBN: 9781310695322

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SMASHWORDS EDITION

Smashwords Edition, License Notes

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This eBook is licensed for your personal enjoyment only. It must not be reproduced, or sold on third-party websites or outlets without the written and signed consent of the author. If you require extra copies of this and other works by the author, then please return to the book's page at Smashwords.com and download the necessary copies. Your respect for the author's work is greatly appreciated.

This book is a work of fiction and all characters, places and situations are a figment of the author's imagination. Any resemblance to actual characters or situations is purely coincidental and not intended by the author.

All Rights Reserved

Language: English (U.S.)

## Chapter One

June 1998

Tony

"Shots!"

"Shots!"

I chuckled and shook my head at the resounding request for alcohol at our table. My small group of friends – five of us to be exact – had a long-standing tradition since freshman year to meet in Maude's Café after finals every year. Since it was finally that year when we were all legally allowed to drink until we were blue in the face, my friends thought it was their right to take advantage of that.

Me? Designated driver.

"You want anything Tony?" my best friend and roommate Barry asked.

"Soda." I also left out the part where I just didn't like liquor all that much. I had my favorites but those were reserved for whenever I was at home where I could get wasted without judgment from anyone.

The waitress came to our table with a dazzling smile; she knew us personally – she was even in my American history class – so she was well aware of our rambunctious behavior. "Three shots of gin, one scotch on the rocks and a cola soda," Barry told her with a smile.

Of course Barry knew my drink of choice; we'd been roommates and close friends ever since I stepped into room one-twenty that gloomy September morning.

"I don't care if you like chicks or dicks, bruh, 'cause we'll be awesome friends," he'd laughed and slapped my back. The force had sent me almost to the floor and into a fit of giggles.

Barry turned out to be the best friend I could ever had hoped for. Add in the fact that he was actually _very_ easy on the eyes with his dark brown, almost-black hair and intense sapphire blue eyes and he was a keeper.

Too bad he was straighter than a nail.

"Who's ready for grad?"

Of course I raised my hand. So did Barry and another of our friends, Ashley. Morgan and Frieda, the twins, both took their shots and ignored the question. Only Barry and I were shoo-ins for graduation. Ashley's grades were good but if she hadn't taken Academic Writing and Calculus after much prodding from me in junior year she'd have been three credits short of graduating. Of course I helped her out with both courses.

I took a sip of my drink and turned to face Barry. "What's the plan after grad?"

He shrugged. Usually at the end of the school year he would travel to his family's summer home in Vermont but his parents separated a few months ago and according to him his mom's boyfriend was a real dick. "I might just chill with you, who knows? You got plans?"

"Nah. I was thinking about getting some ice cream and pigging out in front of our television." We were allowed to stay on campus up until graduation so usually Barry went home and I was stuck in the room by myself. I didn't date, so that was out of the question. I just ended up eating way too much and gaining a few pounds before the year started again and coursework made me shed them right off.

"Sounds like a plan. I'll join you."

"I'm sure you have better things to do than watch lame-ass movies with me all week."

Barry scoffed. "As if. I happen to adore lame-ass movies, T. You know that."

That I did. The topic wasn't broached for the rest of the night.

For such a little thing Ashley Ortega sure was heavy when she was passed out. I had her braced against my side while Barry struggled with the twins that stumbled alongside him.

"This girl is heavy as hell," I mumbled.

"Strong guy like you should be able to handle 'em," Barry joked in his signature drawl.

I shook my head. I was not amused but I couldn't help the tiny smile that curved my lips. I reached into my pocket and pulled out Ashley's apartment key. She sublet an affordable brownstone near the campus with the twins and right now I couldn't be happier with her initial decision. It made dragging her drunken ass home so much easier.

"Bring them in," I called over my shoulder. I wrapped my arms around Ashley's slender waist and pulled her into her bedroom that was just to the right of the entryway. I was vaguely aware of Barry passing by to take the twins into their own rooms.

I laid Ashley as gently as I could onto her bed and pulled the sheets up over her; the room was chilly. I went to the kitchen, filled a glass with water, and placed it on her bedside table. I went into her bathroom and searched her medicine cabinet for aspirin, which I found, and placed next to the glass.

"Everything good?" Barry poked his head into the room.

"Yeah. We good to go."

"Okay, you wanna ahead home?"

Usually, of the three occupants, Morgan was the one who remained sober to make sure that his twin sister and their roommate were safe while they got over themselves. Since he was in as bad of a state as they were right now, I didn't feel comfortable leaving them alone. "Why don't we stay over?"

Barry nodded. He started pulling off his shirt before he looked at me over his shoulder. "What?"

Shit, had I been staring? "Nothing. Uh, I'll take the pull-out. Why don't you take the guest room?" Morgan had asked an ex-boyfriend of his to turn the office that had come with the apartment into a guest room since no one used the space and the guy _had_ been a carpenter after all.

I watched his lips curve into a smile. "Yeah, _sure_." He turned back and stepped past me to walk down the hall. "Good night, T."

"Goodnight." I locked up the door and windows before I pulled out the couch bed and laid down. My temples started throbbing, a clear sign that a migraine – or a headache, at the very least – was about to come on. "Great," I mumbled. I rolled over unto my side and willed sleep to come.

"God I feel like a truck ran over my head."

I stretched across the small gap and placed my mug on the coffee table. "Hey. You okay?"

I chuckled at Ashley's glare. Her naturally red hair was sticking out all over the place and, from that semi-dazed look in her eyes, she had a nasty hangover. "I really think I should consider going your alcohol-free lifestyle, Tony."

I couldn't help my scoff. "You giving up liquor would be like asking Barry to give up porn."

Barry's grunt made Ashley laugh despite herself. "I guess you're right. I really should cut it down though. Thank heavens we have three more days before grad."

"Yes, and you guys can go get some more rest before we go shopping later."

Ashley took the coffee I offered her, frowning at Barry. "For?"

"Grad after party. We're going to Valencia."

I turned to him. "You know we can't afford that right?"

Barry waved me off. "Does it seem like I care? My dad sent me a check, said I should take my friends out. So that's what I plan to do. You guys are on your own for your clothes though."

"That's awesome," Ashley said. She put the half-empty mug of black coffee on the table and turned for her bedroom. "I'm tired so I'm gonna get some more sleep."

Barry and I acknowledged her. He moved up next to me once we heard her bedroom door close. "She needs to lay off."

"Yeah. It's a good thing her parents are out of the country or she'd really have it." Ashley's mom and dad were board members at the local hospital. Her mother was a psychologist there and her dad a cardiac surgeon. Neither drank nor smoked and they expected their daughter to follow their example. If only they knew.

"So? You wear that new suit yet?"

My sigh couldn't be helped. As a goodwill gesture to my depleting bank account a few months ago, Barry had surprised me with a brand-new designer suit and shoes to go with it. The whole outfit must've run him close to three thousand bucks but he'd said, "Don't even think about giving it back. Think of it as a late birthday present." Even though we'd gone out to different restaurants where the suit would've been perfect I left it in the closet where it was currently collecting dust. "Barry, you know I haven't."

His deep chuckle shook along his arm that in turn shook mine since he was sitting pressed right against my side. "C'mon T. You need to live a little and learn to accept gifts as they're given."

I shook my head. "It's too much and you know it. I know you can afford it but I can't and that's what makes me uncomfortable."

I heard Barry sigh and hoped I didn't hurt his feelings. It was no secret that I came from a decent suburb in Cincinnati but my mother worked two jobs to make sure my little sister and I had what we wanted. My dad worked in sales so he was often times away. When he died we didn't have much left so my mom pulled my sister and me out of school and moved us to San Jose, California when I was thirteen and my sister and eleven. I learned early on that I had to do without a lot of things and be grateful for what I already had.

Barry, on the other hand, was from a wealthy, upper-class family in Arizona that only agreed to allow their son to attend a non-Ivy League university after meeting me during Christmas break our Freshman year. He had money and a lot of it. He informed me from day one that if he saw fit he would buy whatever he wanted and not care about the consequence, if any existed. Needless to say his habits had toned down a large amount since he met me due to my constant nagging. Nowadays whenever he splurged he did it sparingly.

Like on a three thousand dollar outfit for my 'birthday'.

"I know. I'm sorry for being insensitive." Barry's arm wrapped around my shoulders and he rocked me as a big brother would his younger, troublesome sibling. "You don't have to wear it but I haven't even seen you try the thing on, T. How do I know if I'd been right or not?"

Of course he'd been right. I'd made sure to wait until he'd been out on a date before I pulled out the grey suit bag and tried on the expensive clothes. They fit like a second skin. Everything had been tailored and although I didn't look like those ripped guys in the ads on TV, the suit definitely did a great job of making me look like a close second.

"You just have to suffer though not knowing," I teased him.

Barry's whine was dramatic and the outrageous tossing and turning he performed on the couch made me laugh. "You're such a buzz kill."

So I'd been told.

The front door opened then and in walked Morgan. His dark hair was hidden under a dark blue cap that I guessed was to shield his eyes from the blinding sun outside.

"What's his problem?" he gestured to Barry.

I shrugged and Barry smacked my knee.

"T's a buzz kill," he whined.

Morgan chuckled, the sound a little hoarse. "Yes, he definitely is."

"Hey!"

"You know it's true," Morgan laughed. He walked over to the coffee table and threw down a stack of papers and envelops before handing both Barry and me one each. "You have mail."

At the start of sophomore year Barry and I had agreed to route all our mail to Ashley and the twins' apartment so we could get our stuff a lot quicker. The university tended to have a backlog since they were so many students, especially at the boys' dorms.

Barry sat up and went to open his envelope. It was a standard, brown envelope. Centered on the front was his name in calligraphy and the return address was on the upper left corner. The faint pink page he pulled out told him exactly who it was. "Mom," he sighed.

I had to smile. Barry loved his mom dearly. Even though she was a bit intense at times. "What's she saying?"

"She wants us to visit after grad. Says she misses me but she misses your talks more."

Ever since meeting me Barry's parents had taken to me like fish to water. They loved me – I had no idea why – and his mother adored talking to me. I swear, that woman could talk the ear off an elephant if you let her. "Well make sure you tell her that nothing is going to stop me from being there."

Barry chuckled and went off into the guest room to start his letter.

## Chapter Two

September 2000

Tony

"Okay so I have three days off of work and my boss says I can get the week after that."

I heard Kristen squeal over the phone and I smiled. She was so lively. I hadn't spoken to her in a while. Things were hectic at work. With my bachelor's degree in History I'd gotten a job at a middle school as a substitute teacher. It meant staying in Cincinnati even though I'd really wanted to move closer to my mom and sister. It was all I could get so soon out of college and the pay could've been better but I loved my job.

"That's amazing Tony. I can't wait for you to meet Gary."

I smiled. For the past few weeks my sister had been calling to make sure that I had everything together for her graduation. My and Barry's plane tickets, clothes, money; the works. She hadn't hesitated to drop in hints about her new beau, Gary. "I can't wait either. I'll try not to scare him off."

"Oh, come on. You couldn't even scare off a fairy," Kristen giggled.

Kristen knew I was gay and she didn't care. "You're still my annoying big bro," she'd said. My mother was still coming to terms with it but I think knowing that she still had a shot at grandkids from Kristen made things a lot easier on both of us.

"How's mom?"

"She's at work. Finally quit that stupid moonlighting gig at the diner. I told her I have a job lined up for a month after grad. I don't think she believed me until she met my boss-to-be."

"Typical mom," I agreed. "I'll let Barry know about the change and I'll call you Tuesday, okay?"

"Okay. Bye Scooter."

I smiled at her old nickname for me. "Bye Jellybean."

I turned on the couch when I heard the front door open. "Hey you."

Barry shrugged his bag off his shoulder. It hit the ground with a soft thud. "Hey, T. What's up?" Barry had been the luckier one, getting a job at a local law firm as an intern just a week after graduation.

"Just finished talking to Kristen. She says she has a ton of stuff planned for us once we get there."

"Great. When are we leaving?"

"Tuesday."

Barry loosened his tie and opened the first two buttons of his dress shirt. He plopped down on the couch next to me and reached for the remote.

"Hey! I'm watching that!"

"I don't watch chick flicks," he teased. "We're watching _Reverie_."

I sighed. Barry had a strange love for those old black and white, noire films. I never took a liking to them but trying to pry him away from the TV was like asking a dog to give up scratching; terrible, right? "Barry, _please_."

His black hair, which reached his shoulders, tossed as he shook his head. "Nope."

I took note of the loose way he held unto the remote and said a silent prayer before I dove for the device. I launched across his lap, aiming for his left hand.

Barry laughed, moving his arm out of reach. "Go away."

"Give me the damn remote!"

"Ooh, temper, have we?"

"Screw you Kirk," I laughed. "Let me go."

Barry had tossed down the remote and wrapped his large, muscled bicep around my neck. I struggled against his hold, trying to throw him off. Unfortunately for my current situation, the man had thirty pounds of muscle and five inches of height on me. He was a living brick wall and he was using his talents for pure evil.

"Not a chance cutie. Are you gonna let me watch my movie?"

If I told you that hearing Barry call me 'cutie' didn't send my pulse running and made my skin hotter than usual, would you have believed me? "I'm not cute," I mumbled against his shirt. I bit his arm and he shrunk back. "I'm vicious."

"You're not vicious; you're as cute as a kitten," he chuckled.

Yeah, I wouldn't have believed myself either. I got up off the couch and kicked his shin. "Watch your stupid movie. I'm gonna cook dinner."

"Casserole!" Barry shouted from the living room once I was in the kitchen.

I smiled in spite of myself. Good 'ol Barry, always trying to make my life easier. What kind of friend was I trying to lust after my very generous and supportive best friend? I had to stop everything that was building in their tracks before it went too far. It wouldn't be good for either of us, least of all me since I had the misfortune of falling for my best f friend.

I reached into several cabinets and pulled out a mixing bowl and casserole dish before I went to the refrigerator for the leftover chicken, several blocks of cheese and leftover fried rice. Five minutes and one box of chicken stock later I pushed the filled casserole dish into the oven.

"Hey I want ice cream too!" Barry shouted.

I shook my head. Remember what I said about him making my life easier? Yeah, I take that back.

Before we knew it Tuesday was here and despite Barry spending the better part of the day 'putting his sexy together', as he liked to call it, we managed to make our three-thirty flight to Cincinnati.

"Do you have to flirt with everything that moves?" I nudged my elbow against his side as he practically broke his neck to check out the flight attendant's flat ass. Did I sound bitter? Good.

Barry's chuckle did funny, involuntary things to my insides. "I just figured if I was nice enough that she'd give us extra nuts."

"Yeah, I'm sure."

Neither of us spoke for the remainder of the flight. I could tell Barry was watching everything I did, every motion I made to look out the window or fiddle with my non-existent nails. He didn't say a word. I was grateful.

Once we were off the plane and waiting for our luggage I felt arms wrap around my neck and heard giggling as someone jumped onto my back.

"Scooter!"

I turned to face my little sister. Both of us dissolved into screams and cries as we hugged each other. "I missed you," I told her.

"I missed you more," she said quietly. I bet she did. With our mom working so hard before, she'd been alone. Thinking about my sweet-as-candy baby sister all alone made me feel so terrible.

"How's mom?"

Kristen shrugged. "You know, same old. Of course she misses dad like crazy but her friend is helping her through it."

By friend Kristen meant their next-door neighbor Melissa Jones. Somehow my mom and her had become very good friends after Kristen and her had moved to California and it always made me wonder if there was something more going on there.

"Hey Kris."

I pulled my suitcase off the conveyor belt as Barry walked up next to us, dragging his own suitcase close behind him.

My sister's eyes lit up. She'd never met Barry, only said the passing "hey" or "hello" the few times I'd called her and he'd been in the room at the same time. I knew exactly what she was seeing. Shoulder-length near-black hair, those intense blue eyes and the rippling muscles he didn't even try to hide underneath the most flattering clothes.

"Barrington?"

Barry chuckled. "Just Barry, sweetheart. You look a lot like your brother."

Kristen had the same sun-kissed golden blonde hair I did. Mine was short, cut close to the nape of my neck, and hers was even shorter with the back almost buzzed completely off and floppy bangs hanging over her eyes. But what Barry saw extended past the hair. We had the same large, amber eyes and button noses. Kristen's jaw was a lot squarer than my own rounder one.

"Thanks," she said, blushing. Typical girl.

I shook my head just barely holding back the scoff. "Alright. Let's get going."

"You sure you have everything?"

"Yes Mr. Kirk. I have everything I need." Oh if only he knew just how true that statement was.

I chanced a glance in his direction and saw the corner of his lips twitch. "Good to know," he said quietly.

The short drive to my parents place was filled with chatter. I didn't participate, mostly because I knew I would get my chance to speak with my sister in private soon enough. Barry kept her entertained with stories of our escapades and his work life. They spoke as if they knew each other for years.

"Damn bro, where have you been hiding him?"

I chuckled. "He's been hiding himself Kris. He's just a big baby."

Barry smirked at my squeal. He'd slapped me! On my ass! "I'm not a baby. I just didn't have time."

"Well you won't have to worry about that now," Kristen smiled. She pulled into the driveway of a home that looked a lot like the others on both sides of the street; off white paint, centered front entrance, an attached garage, and a bright red mailbox. There was one addition to the front door that set this house apart; a wreath made from hydrangeas.

"Dad's favorite," I whispered.

Kristen nodded. "Yeah. It was the one thing she was adamant to keep."

We hadn't been able to afford a very large funeral for my dad when he died, even with the life insurance pay-out. My mom had, with my and Kristen's blessing, arranged a small service at the cemetery. The coffin had been ordained with several wreaths made from hydrangeas, my dad's favorite flower. My mom had removed the smallest wreath from the coffin before he'd been buried. She said she wanted to remember him for as long as she could.

"She inside?"

At Kristen's nod I removed my suitcase from the trunk of the car and walked up to the door. I knocked and waited.

The dark mahogany door opened. "Anthony." My mom's eyes, so much like mine and Kristen's, glossed.

"Hey mama."

I was pulled into a crushing hug before I could take another breath. My mother was only two inches shorter than I was but she had the physical strength of an ox in her petite frame.

I wrapped my arms around her and held on, holding back my own tears. I could feel her tears soaking into my shirt. I hadn't seen my mother in three years, hadn't called in half that time. She was upset and sad. "I'm sorry."

She pulled back, wiping at the tears falling down her cheeks. "Come in. We have so much to catch up on."

As it turned out, we _did_ have a lot to catch up on. Once I'd settled back into my old room and Barry had settled in the guestroom across the hall from me, we were ushered into the large kitchen/dining room where my mother force fed us both enough waffles and fried chicken to feed an entire city.

Barry had finished his slice of pecan pie and I was just beginning to eat my own when I heard my mother speak. "I have news."

I put the fork down onto the counter, giving her my full attention.

Kristen stepped over to our mom, wrapped an arm over her shoulders.

Our mom gave her a grateful smile before she looked at me and continued. "I met someone."

My eyes almost fell out of my head. "What? Who is he? What's he like? Do I know him? How old is he?" Barry's hand over my mouth stopped the word-vomit.

My mother's smile was small. "You definitely know _who_ it is, but I assure you it's not a 'he'."

I frowned. I swatted Barry's hand off my mouth. "Mom, spit it out."

My mom looked at Kristen who nodded slowly. "Melissa and I have been dating for the past year."

"Which Melissa?"

"Melissa Jones who lives next door," my mom said. She frowned. "Really, Anthony. I thought I raised you smarter than this."

Barry snickered and I elbowed him, satisfied when he yelped.

"I knew it! Why didn't you say something before?"

Our mom looked bashful. "It was still new and I gave you so much grief over everything you're going through." She gave me a pointed stare. "You didn't call either," she pointed out.

I held up my palms. "I'm sorry. I was worried you'd never come to terms with it. At least, not like Kristen has."

Mom patted Kristen's arm and walked over to me. She cupped my cheek and just looked into my eyes for a moment. "Anthony, no matter _who_ you choose to love you'll always be my baby. To be honest I was just confused myself and I took it out on you. I'm sorry." She pressed a kiss to my forehead. "Did you know? Really?"

I scoffed. "Oh, come on. You don't have friends, mom. After dad you were like a hermit, from what Kristen said anyway."

My mom smiled. "Yes, well, Melissa saw how upset I was one day we were talking. I told her I was still upset over your dad's passing. She was such a sweetheart. She lost her son, you know?"

"Yeah?" I rubbed my hand back and forth on her shoulder, providing her with what little comfort I still could as her child.

She nodded. "Yeah. She understood everything, helped me through it. I'll never be over it but I've come to terms with it."

I heard the front door open and the clacking of heels on the hardwood floors before I felt rather than saw someone enter the kitchen.

"Oh, they're here."

I turned on the stool and faced the newcomer. I recognized her immediately. Melissa Jones looked much different than she had seven years earlier when I'd last seen her; her burnt coffee skin was still smooth and blemish-free but her black hair had grown out, the natural curls now straight and hanging past her shoulders.

I hopped off the stool and walked over to her, enveloping her in a hug.

Laughing, she returned the hug. "What did I miss?"

"I told him," I heard my mother say.

"Oh," Melissa said.

I squeezed her tighter. "Thank you."

I felt her hand move up and down my back in a gesture mimicking what my mother had done so often. "It was my pleasure."

The rest of the weekend and the following week went by far too fast for my liking. Barry gained two extended families and I gained another as well; after meeting Gary Nichols, Kristen's beau, we met his parents and they loved Barry and me (still no idea why I'm so loveable).

Kristen's graduation on Monday was spectacular. She wore a dark purple cocktail gown underneath her blue and yellow graduation robe. When her name was called to accept her degree I burst into tears and Barry chuckled in the seat next to me, making sure that the pictures and videos were taken care of.

Gary was wiping his own eyes amongst the graduating class. I could see just how much he adored my baby sister. Just ten minutes in a room with them and anyone could see. It was beautiful.

Once I'd gotten over my crying episode I cast a surreptitious glance in Barry's direction. He was staring straight ahead, smiling.

Shit, I was such a sad sap.

Barry

Okay, going to California for Kristen's graduation had to have been the most fun I'd had in _years_. The fact I got to hang with T the whole time: an added bonus, without a doubt. T and I had been friends for almost seven years and I'd never met his mother or his sister. Granted, they lived across the country.

Even after all my prodding and suggestions to pay for trips for T to visit he always turned down my offers, saying that, "I'll be fine. I'll see them soon enough."

And I have to say, meeting Melissa Jones and Gary Nichols had particularly stood out in my memory. Melissa had the smoothest dark skin I'd ever seen and the widest brown eyes on her round face. I'd never have guessed that after T's dad died that his mother would've found comfort in another woman. They made a very sweet couple though, and Melissa was only a couple years younger than T's mom.

As for Gary Nichols? Well, to say he thought the world of Kristen would've been an understatement. The way he looked at T's baby sister, as if she'd hung the moon, was enough to make me wonder if T would ever see me that way.

I know I already saw him as a whole lot more than my best friend. Whatever I felt was still new and confusing to me so I decided not to dwell on it too much. My dad had called earlier in the week and informed me that a firm in New York had a space open and, if I was interested, they'd gladly accept me.

Now, how was I going to explain all that to T without him keeping me in the nuts? The last thing I wanted him to think was that I was abandoning him. After all, he was the main reason I would be leaving. I couldn't give him the life he deserved by sitting on my ass and living off my parents' wealth. If I wanted to be someone T could be proud of I would have to work hard.

If in the process he ended up hating me? So be it. He would realize and understand my motives in due time.

## Chapter Three

October 2000

Tony

Barry and I sat across the table from each other. Both our plates were being picked at. I didn't know his excuse but I, personally, wasn't hungry.

I couldn't take my mind off the letter he'd sent to me from his parents that weekend.

"Are you going to say something?"

I looked at Barry. He was frowning. I stabbed a piece of lettuce with my fork and brought it to my mouth.

Barry shifted uncomfortably. "T c'mon. You can't hold this against me forever."

I raised an eyebrow.

"Alright maybe I should've waited to tell you in person but I thought you would've discouraged me from going."

"Are you kidding me?" I threw the utensil. "All these years we've been friends and you don't know anything about me, do you? I never would've asked you to sacrifice your job just to babysit me." Tears prickled at the corners of my eyes.

"I'm sorry for assuming." Barry sighed. "I've never been lucky enough to be offered such a great chance. I just didn't want to risk it being taken away."

"Why you thought I'd ever allow you to give up on your dreams is beyond me." I got up and picked up my dish. When I got to the kitchen I dumped the contents into a container and washed the plate. I put the container of leftovers in the refrigerator.

"T I'm sorry."

I stomped past Barry and went into my room. I picked up the letter, thrusting it at him. "What the hell do you mean you'll be leaving in a couple days?"

He shifted his weight, avoiding my eyes. "My flight leaves in the morning."

"And you didn't tell me this before why?"

"I thought you'd talk me out of it!" Barry winced. "I know it's stupid since you're the poster child for self-improvement but some part of me just thought you'd beg me to stay."

Oh believe me, I want to. I stepped forward and rested a hand on his shoulder. "No matter how lonely this place may get it wouldn't be enough for me to ask you to sacrifice your passion to stay here with me. I wouldn't be a good best friend if I did that." Although the message had hurt me, because some part of me felt like I was on the verge of losing my best friend, his happiness meant more to me than my own and if leaving would make him happy then so be it.

"You're not mad at me?"

I smacked his arm. "Of course I'm mad. Mad that you didn't have more faith in me." I rested a palm on his cheek, trying hard not to shudder at the heat. "You should know better than that."

His head bobbed up and down. He looked so tired. It was clear he hadn't gotten much sleep while he was at his parents place.

"Have you been sleeping?"

"Not much," he confessed. Barry stepped away from me so he could move toward the window and take a seat in the wicker chair I'd placed there. "I was up most of the time trying to decide how to give you the news. The rest of the time I was wondering if it would be a good decision."

"Why on earth would it not be?"

"Have you ever noticed how helpless you are without me around?"

Not really. Although, my coordination had improved immensely since college which was shown by me not bumping into counters and shelves anymore. "And?"

"And I don't want it to happen that once I leave we'll realize that you can't do shit without me around."

I scoffed out the next words. "Oh please."

Sapphire blue eyes glared at me. "Seriously T. Since when have you eaten a proper meal without me telling you that it won't make you gain weight? Or when have you willingly sat down and talked through those dysfunctional issues you're always thinking about that make normal conversations particularly difficult for you?"

I didn't answer. It wasn't as if there was anything to be said; he knew me. Barry had been around for a long time and he watched how I behaved without opinion. Once it had gotten too much for him to sit and observe he intervened and begun forcing me to appreciate myself.

It was no secret I had an issue with the way I looked, always thinking that if I'd put on too much weight that Barry wouldn't even consider me a likely candidate for his dating pool.

"That had nothing to do with it. You're just scared to leave all this sexiness," I teased.

For a minute I could've sworn I saw Barry freeze but the movement was so subtle. It couldn't have happened right? That would've meant that my teasing had struck a chord.

"Yeah, right," he said quietly.

"I want to hit you," I told him truthfully.

"I know."

"You were going to leave without telling me, weren't you?"

At Barry's nod I slapped his arm and his shoulder and kicked him in the shin.

"Ow, what the fuck T?"

I took a breath and flopped down unto the bed. "Don't keep something like that from me again. Promise me."

Barry sighed. "I promise."

July 2001

Barry

After I moved to New York I had a tougher time than back home. My mom called it "New Home Syndrome". I called it bad luck. I didn't have a friend here and even though my parents were due to move into a condo close by so I wouldn't have to be alone for too much longer, it was difficult.

Particularly because I was away from Anthony. T. My best friend.

In all the years we'd been friends, since Freshman year of college, I never imagined that we would live apart. He got a dream job teaching middle school in Cincinnati while I was miles away in New York to follow my law career. I'd always known deep down that we would have to go our separate ways eventually, but the reality was a lot more difficult to grasp.

T was due to come visit my parents once they moved here. Every day that passed drew T's visit closer and closer and I found myself in a daze more often than not.

I hadn't seen him in so long that I hardly remembered what it was like to be around him. There was no one in the world like T. As cliché as it sounds he was the most considerate person I knew and it helped that he was cute as a button. I mean sure, he had a sister who was quite attractive in her own right, but there was something about T that got to me.

Whether it was the glint I always saw in his amber eyes when he looked in my direction or the way he found joy in things that seemed so tiny and inconsequential, I didn't know.

Thinking about T was the only thing that got me through that first month alone in New York. I had to recall all our conversations and all the pep talks he offered. The months that followed after I settled down were easier to manage but somehow I felt empty. The more I thought about T, the more my loneliness escalated. It wasn't enough to depress me, but it was enough to make me think even more.

When my parents moved here I went out to dinner with my mother one night. She hadn't seen me in so long that she felt the need to splurge. So, we went to an upscale restaurant in the city that where a single appetizer cost more than one of my old college texts.

"Sweetheart, what's on your mind?"

I looked up at my mother. Her black hair was pulled back from her face in a neat bun, the blue eyes I'd inherited staring at me intently. I'd been picking at my food all night. "Why do you think something's wrong?"

One finely plucked eyebrow arched. "You're distracted. Don't deny it. What's wrong?"

I sat there staring at her for a few moments before I cracked under the pressure of her intense gaze. I told her everything, not the watered-down version she'd heard over the phone or in my letters. I even told her about my struggling thoughts related to T.

By the time I was done my mother had gotten out of her seat and was next to my own, holding me tightly. "My poor baby. Why didn't you say something before?"

"I never wanted you to worry too much about me. You already had to deal with dad crawling back."

My mom sighed. "What happens between your father and me is nothing for you to concern yourself with. Not when you have to focus on you. Listen to me, no matter what happens, no matter how distant either of us may seem, we're always here for you. We'll always be ready to listen once you're ready to talk."

Yes, she was always there. But how was I supposed to explain the more lewd thoughts and feelings I'd been having toward my best friend? My parents never spoke of their religious preferences and I hadn't grown up in a religious environment. Some conversations had just never been started.

My mother kissed my cheek before she returned to her seat. With her fingers tapping away at her chin I knew she was up to something.

"What?" I asked.

"I don't blame you for whatever you may be feeling toward Anthony, darling. I understand how he could've captured your attention. I know your father and I never tried to nurture you enough so you knew we could talk about anything and for that I'm sorry." She reached across the table and grasped my hand. "I don't care who you want to be with but your bosses will. I'm not saying that so you will choose not to pursue something with Anthony. I'm saying it so that you'll consider your options. I'd love him for a son-in-law but you need to do what's best for both of you."

As harsh as her words seemed to my heart, to my head they made absolute sense. Who was I to tamper with T's life? He was a teacher for Christ's sake. I could only imagine the backlash from his superiors and colleagues, not to mention parents, if they ever knew he was seeing a man.

I didn't care so much what happened to me. I had to look out for T, even if it meant that the only solution was to distance myself from him. I loved him enough to force him from my life.

It would be for the best. I could only hope T understood that.

"What did you have in mind?"

My mother sat back, a grim smile on her face. "I think I have someone for you to meet."

Tony

"Oh, look at him!"

I smiled. Barry's mother was so full of life. She held me tightly, almost squeezing the life from me. "Nice to see you too Mrs. Kirk."

She pinched my arm. "You know better than that. Call me Betty. You know we think of you like a son."

I cast a glance at Barry who was standing nearby with a shit-eating grin on his face. "Okay, I'm sorry. Betty. Thanks for making room for me on such short notice."

Betty Kirk swung her black braid over her shoulder, gesturing to the messy room. "After Barry's dad moved back in I've been making changes. William and I managed to find new jobs for the housekeepers from our last home. I've been taking care of stuff on my own here. I'm just getting the hang of things."

Barry's mother and father were from old, really old, money. She'd never made it a secret that she'd been spoiled with employees who did everything for them, short of bathing them. Barry had told me that his parents had decided to try living less lavishly recently. It seemed to be working pretty well. Betty had a certain indescribable glow to her cheeks that fit her.

"Oh, where is Mr. Kirk."

"William," she emphasized, "is at the bar with his colleagues. They just signed a merger with the firm Barry works with. He's ecstatic."

I looked around at Barry. He shrugged. "I could be celebrating but I'd rather be here with you guys."

I decided to ignore the flip my heart did in my chest.

I stayed with Barry's family in New York for only a couple days. I was due to start work at a new school soon and needed to get my bearings together. I didn't tell Barry that the school I was transferring to was in New York. He'd probably think I was stalking him.

Aren't you?

No, I saw the opportunity to continue teaching History, which paid much better, and I jumped at the chance. Barry's proximity was only icing on the cake.

If I'd thought for one moment that the glances Barry and I exchanged whenever we were alone in his room or out on the deck, or the staring each of us did when we thought the other wasn't looking, meant the start of something new I was dead wrong.

Because, the last day in New York was the day I met Rebecca Hollis.

August 2002

Tony

"What are we doing here Todd?" He stopped the car on the curb just outside Barry's apartment.

I was offered a shy smile. It still amazed me that this hunk of a man knew anything about being shy. He was stacked! Todd was well over six feet, with sun-kissed blonde hair and green eyes.

"Well, I was told to bring you here so I did my duty. It would've been crappy of me as her cousin not to respect her wishes."

"You mean Rebecca?"

Todd nodded. He gestured to the door, which opened at that moment, revealing a beaming Rebecca standing in front of Barry.

"We're getting married!"

Oh, my.

I stepped forward and hugged her, whispering my congrats. I looked over her shoulder at Barry who was smiling but for some reason it looked forced. No, that couldn't have been. He and Rebecca were happy together.

Weren't they?

"Why don't you guys come out to dinner with us? We'll all celebrate. We'll be one big happy family soon enough, anyway."

I looked over my shoulder at Todd who was grinning from ear to ear. Meanwhile my heart felt as if it were being crushed under the weight of ten elephants. "Sure," I said with a forced smile.

October 2002

"You okay?"

I turned my head to meet Todd's concerned eyes. "As I'll ever be." Todd was the only person I'd felt compelled to explain my complicated relationship with Barry to. He had every right to know; we _were_ dating, after all.

I felt his hands soothing over my shoulders. "Don't worry. As soon as this whole wedding business is over we'll focus on us. I think I can find a few ways to take your mind off him."

I leaned back in his comforting embrace and watched as Barry and Rebecca glided across the dance floor. They were married now and I was but a vague memory in Barry's mind by now, I guessed.

I was truly happy where I was with Todd, but I knew deep down that it wouldn't feel the same as I knew it would if it had been Barry. Todd was gorgeous, sweet and gentle and he was slowly learning what made me tick. He was comfortable. But Barry threw me off guard, made me feel things I didn't know I was capable of. The real kicker was that I hadn't even slept with Barry yet.

They were opposing sides of a coin and the longer I sat there and watched the happy couple dance, the more I realized that the side that had turned face up would be mine forever. I'd never get to experience the flipside.

"You wanna dance?"

I looked into Todd's eyes. He was trying so hard to lift my spirits. I returned his smile and placed my hand in his. "Let's do it."

Barry

"You know you didn't have to go through with all this," Rebecca said after I twirled her around.

"What I want and what I know is best for T are different and I had to choose the best option."

Rebecca sighed. She rested her head on my shoulder. "Sometimes I think you're too caring. If you love him you should be with him, not here with me."

"I gave up on my needs a long time ago, Becks. Besides." I gestured to the older gentleman that was seated at my parents' table. He was one of my father's associates and the person Rebecca had truly wanted to get involved with. "Old man Howie over there understands."

"Yes, because we explained it to him. But you chose to keep all this from T." Rebecca really was a great catch. And a great actress. She made T believe that she was a rather whiny counterpart when in fact she was as smart and caring as they came. I needed her to get close to T so I could keep in contact with him. I didn't have the strength to stay close to him and keep my hands off any longer.

Especially not when I saw him with Becks' cousin.

"The longer you deny what you guys have, the quicker my cousin will snatch him away from you."

Yes, she had a point. But I'd already realized that drawback to my plan months ago. It couldn't be avoided. T had managed to thrust himself into the exact same situation I tried to shield him from.

Now, only time would tell where we all ended up.

## Chapter Four

February 2012

Tony

"So... How are things?"

Barry shrugged. "Same old I guess." I watched him run a hand through his dark hair. "How about you?"

I picked up the glass of orange juice and took a drink. "Been working really hard. I wanna get a little more stable so I can adopt."

His eyes widened. "You're finally gonna go through with it?"

I nodded. "Yup. The lady at the agency says Todd and I can fill out paperwork this week so I'm really excited."

Barry fiddled with the gold band on his finger. "So how are you and Todd doing?"

Hearing the name of my husband always made me brighten up. That moment was no different. I smiled. "We're great. He's actually coming home in a few."

"Hmm. I guess you guys are enjoying being married?"

"Definitely. He's amazing." I looked the clock on the wall. "Shit. I need to go shower."

"What's up?"

I turned on the microwave and set it before I pulled off my shirt. Fifteen years ago I would've balked at the idea of getting undressed in Barry's presence. Now? We were just best friends, married to different people with different families, and while that was still enough to depress me, I had to accept it.

"Date night."

"Oh, that's cool. I'll get out of your hair then. We still on for tomorrow?"

I gave him a reassuring smile and placed a light kiss on his cheek. "Wouldn't miss it. Now, run along home before Rebecca accuses me of stealing her husband."

Barry's chuckle sounded forced, his smile tight. "Yeah, alright. Say hey to Todd for me." He moved to the door with me following close behind. "Goodnight T."

"Good night Barry." I pushed the door closed behind him and secured the lock. I checked the microwave before I headed up the stairs to the bathroom.

As the warm water sluiced over my skin my thoughts drifted to Barry. To say I was shocked he showed up at my doorstep would've been an understatement.

I hadn't seen him or heard much from him in the ten years since his wedding. He looked well enough. His hair had grown out, the tips somewhere in the center of his back. His eyes had lost some of their intense luster because when I looked at them they weren't sparkling as they used to.

Oh well, I guess dealing with two kids under ten years old took its toll after a while. I hoped that Todd and I got the chance to experience everything Barry and Rebecca were able to as parents.

I felt a strange chill down my spine, the realization that someone was watching me dawned. I turned off the shower and turned my head. "Hey."

"Hey babe." Todd stripped off his clothes slowly, giving me eyeful after eyeful. "How's my favorite husband?"

"I'm your only husband," I chuckled. I wrapped my arms around his neck as he stepped into the shower.

"True." Todd's fingers wound through my short hair. He pulled my head back and swooped down to capture my lips in a heated kiss. "I missed you," he mumbled between kisses.

"I missed you too." God, no matter how many times we found ourselves here I never got tired of him. Five years of living together coupled with a half year of marriage would've driven a lot of people I knew insane. Not me. I loved commitment, especially when it required being attached to a six foot three replica of Adonis.

Still, I always felt as if I cheated Todd out of the entirety of love he deserved. He was a good man, but I was still hung up on Barry despite the fact that we hadn't spoken in a decade. I tried not to think on it too much; it only served to upset me.

We made quick work of getting Todd clean. Our lazy, lust-filled kisses were what kept us in the shower for a while longer. We moved into the bedroom where I used a towel to dry his soppy blonde locks.

"I took the food out of the microwave so it should be good by the time we get down."

"I'm sorry I have to keep reheating when I cook but between school and teaching I don't have a lot of time."

Todd cupped my cheek, placed a soft kiss on my lips. "It's okay baby. I understand. Let's go eat I'm starving."

Barry

"Daddy!"

"Dad!"

As soon as my feet crossed the threshold two pairs of small arms were wrapped around my waist, preventing further movement. I reached down and ruffled the hair on both heads. "Hey troopers. Did you miss me?"

"Yeah!" my daughter giggled.

"How's Uncle Tony?" my son lisped. He had a bad habit of sucking his thumb, even at nine years old.

"Well he and your Uncle Todd seem to be doing just fine."

I bent and lifted Izzy into my arms. Jeez, he was getting heavy. I brushed my hand over Frankie's dark hair so he wouldn't pout any more than she already was.

"When do we get to see them?" Izzy asked.

I walked them into the kitchen where Rebecca was stirring a pot over a very high flame. One of these days that woman would burn the damned house down. "Whenever they have time for us sweetie."

Rebecca turned off the flame beneath the pot and picked up a dishtowel off the oven handle. "Hey Barry. How did it go?"

I shook my head wearily.

Rebecca frowned. "You promised that you would finally tell him."

"I know, I know. But I couldn't do it." I put Izzy on her feet and ushered them into the living room. "Go put on Aladdin, guys. Your mom and I will be there soon."

"Yes!" Frankie cheered.

"Move Frankie!" Izzy chorused.

Rebecca laughed as they practically leapfrogged over each other to get to the living room. Those two were always in a constant struggle as to who would get the middle cushion on the couch.

I still had no clue what was so special about that space.

"Now." Rebecca wiped her hands and replaced the towel before she placed her hands on her hips and glowered. "Explain to me why it is that you haven't spoken to Tony about your feelings."

I groaned. "Becks, you should've seen him. He was _so_ happy whenever he mentioned Todd." I took a seat on one of the stools surrounding the granite-counter island and rested my elbows on the surface. "Who am I to tamper with all that?"

Rebecca sighed. She reached out and laid a hand on top of mine. "He'll eventually figure it out. We agreed when we got married that things wouldn't get very far before you admitted things to him. You're in a good place at the firm; it's not like they can fire you for coming out. Besides, the world's changed in the last ten years."

"I know, Becks. I want nothing more than to just fall to my knees and admit everything to him but I don't want to hurt him." I lifted my eyes to hers. "Or your cousin."

Rebecca scoffed. "Oh, please. Todd's a big boy. He can take care of himself. I warned you when they started dating but you didn't listen. You see what's happened? He's in love with him. It's gonna get harder the longer you wait." She repeated the same line she'd told me after Isabelle was born.

I buried my face in my palms. This whole things had gotten so complicated. Why hadn't I had the balls to man-up and admit my feelings years ago? I wouldn't have cared about losing my job; T was more than worth it. Now I had the biggest challenge: making him realize he loved me more than Todd.

Such a mess.

"Becks, I never thanked you for doing all this." The past ten years had been good to me. I'd managed to snag one of the most considerate persons I'd ever met _and_ she'd become one of my best friends. The moment Rebecca and I had met had forever changed my life. My mother had been the one to explicitly explain that I was 'emotionally unavailable' and that we'd only become married out of convenience and expectation.

Rebecca? Well, she'd been a trooper about the whole thing. She hadn't been interested in anyone but one of our fathers' associates. Due to the ramifications that knowledge would've caused they'd been unable to pursue a relationship.

"So you're okay with being a pawn?" I'd asked her incredulously.

Rebecca had smiled brightly at me. "Well darling, having you on my arm wouldn't hurt. You're quite the looker. Listen, I'm only interested in one person and we can't get together now or anytime soon. I may as well find something, or someone," she'd winked, "to occupy my time."

The entire conversation my mother had remained silent across the table, a sly grin in place.

"And you're perfectly okay with everything? You're sure?" I'd wanted to be certain that she knew what she was getting herself into, that she didn't have any misguided thoughts regarding our non-existent personal relationship.

I can still remember the way she'd leant across the table and clasped my hand in hers. The sincere look in her blue eyes had made me wonder if people actually existed in this world who could be so generous. "Barrington, you won't be the only one getting something out of this deal. Your father and mine are good friends; that should keep daddy off my back about getting married. I'm quite okay with the prospect."

I'd looked over at my mother who had nodded enthusiastically and poured me another glass of wine. "Darling," she'd said, "I'm doing this because I love you. After a few years you two can get divorced and you can pursue Anthony. You'll be in amazing standing at the firm by then."

I'd looked at the wide grin on Rebecca's heart-shaped face and conceded. It hadn't seemed like such a fool-proof plan at the time but the last ten years had drastically changed my kind.

"Honey, you don't have to thank me for anything. It was my pleasure. You're the best friend a girl could ask for. I mean, you've even given me two amazing kiddies." She smiled fondly toward the living room.

I held her fingers in my own and squeezed gently. "Why did you decide to have kids with me?"

Rebecca sighed. "I'll admit, it wasn't appealing at first. Once I realized, however, that I wasn't getting any younger, and knowing how much Tony always wanted kids of his own, it seemed like a no brainer." Her expression sobered. "I love those kids with all my might, Barry, but don't think I've deluded myself for one moment into thinking I had them just for me. I did it for _you_ , you _and_ Tony. You're family; I value that more than anything else."

Unable to resist, I hopped off the stool and sped around the island to envelop her small frame in a hug. "Thank you, Becks. I love you."

She giggled, patted my back. "I love you too, honey. Now." She pulled away and ordered me to get out the dinner plates. "Chili's for dinner and since you sent the kids to the living room there is no way in hell we're prying them from that TV."

As if on cue the out-of-sync singing of one of the songs from the movie fed into the kitchen.

"Yeah, sorry about that," I chuckled. I knocked our hips together and went to find the plates.

August 2012

That summer Todd and I were on break from school. We'd made sure to finish up all our marking and meetings with parents so we could have the entire summer to ourselves.

I'd gone out for groceries, making sure I stopped at the little deli on the mall to get Todd's favorite pastrami (I planned to make him sandwiches for brunch). When I got home Todd wasn't in the living room. He always waited for me whenever I went out.

"Todd?" I called out. I placed the grocery bags on the kitchen counter. "Todd?" I called again once I started climbing the stairs.

I heard shuffling in the bathroom. "Todd, sweetie? Are you okay?"

"I'm fine Tony. Just give me a minute."

My hand paused on the knob of the bathroom door. Todd didn't sound like his usual self. His voice was gritty, pained. He sounded fine before I left to go shopping so what was wrong now? "Todd, come one what's -" I pushed open the bathroom door and froze when I saw him.

Todd was hunched over the toilet with a rag pressed against his mouth. He looked so pale, a sickly grey color that tore at my heart. When he looked up I saw that his green eyes were bloodshot. "I'm fine Tony. Go on."

"Todd what's wrong?"

He raised a hand to fan me away only to convulse into a violent coughing fit.

I stumbled over to him on shaky legs. "Babe, talk to me."

"I'm... fine... honey." His words were said slowly, tiredly.

I brushed back the hair from his clammy forehead. Tears filled my eyes as I looked at my broken husband. "Todd, tell me what happened. Please."

He turned toward the toilet and coughed for several moments before he leaned back against the cabinet. He lifted the rag from his mouth and showed it to me.

I couldn't stop my hand from covering my mouth to hold back my pained gasp. The rag Todd showed me was covered in blood, the dots all over showing that he'd been coughing into the material for a while. I placed a palm on his cheek. He felt so cold. "Babe how long has this been going on?"

Todd took a few deep breaths. His eyes roamed the bathroom, looking anywhere but at me. "Since school started."

He'd been having these coughing fits since April? "Has the blood been there since then too?"

He shook his head, the movement seeming lazy. "No. A few weeks ago."

"Let's go. We're taking you to a doctor." I stooped and grabbed unto his arm to pull him to his feet.

Todd used the remainder of his strength to pull his arm back. "No."

"What the hell do you mean 'no'?"

"I'm not going to the doctor."

"Why the fuck not?" I snapped.

Todd frowned at my language, like he always did. I only ever cursed when I was really upset. "I already went Tony."

"And you didn't tell me? Why not? I could've driven you, I could've held your hand -"

"Tony, I'm sick," he said quietly. "I'm really sick."

I sank to my knees on the floor next to him. "What did the doctor say?"

Todd covered his mouth with the rag again and coughed for a few moments. Watching him in pain broke my heart. "He found polyps on my lungs. When he took the X-ray and the MRI," he clarified. "He said they're going to keep growing until they completely block my airways."

"Then can't surgery remove them?"

Todd shook his head. He held my hand in his. "The polyps grew around some important blood vessels. He can't do surgery without damaging the vessels." He looked into my eyes. "I'd bleed to death before the end of the operation Tony."

My throat felt tight. Tears burned my eyes. "There's nothing he can do?"

Todd's smile was grim. "I can get some anti-inflammation medication to keep down the pain and swelling and sleeping pills to help at night with the insomnia."

"Todd why didn't you say something?"

"I was scared baby. I love you so much and you have enough on your plate."

I smacked his arm. "So you thought I was too busy to care that my husband is dying?" The tears flowed freely now, my sobs choking me.

Todd winced. He threw down the rag and wrapped his arms around my shoulders. We just sat there for a long time while he rocked me slowly, as if I was the sick one.

"I didn't know what to tell you," he finally said. "We were just planning the rest of our lives together. I didn't want you to worry."

"And you think I won't worry now?"

"You weren't supposed to see me like this. I'm supposed to be the strong one, I'm supposed to protect you from all the bad things out there." He kissed my temple. "I don't want to leave you."

I turned my face into his chest and sobbed until my throat closed and my eyes were so swollen I couldn't see anymore.

I cried until I fell asleep right there on the bathroom floor in my husband's arms.

November 2012

Despite my hoping, and my prayers, Todd didn't get any better. I took him to three different doctors in two other states to get opinions on his condition. They all drew the same conclusion Todd's doctor had; surgery was out of the question.

Todd was the sick one, Todd was the one who was withering away day after day, and yet he was the one who was consoling me. He tended to me as if I had a broken limb, even if moving from the kitchen to the bedroom induced a violent coughing fit that made him lose more blood than was healthy.

The pills stopped working. Todd would be awake at all hours of the night just staring at the ceiling. I'd be awake too; I couldn't sleep. My mind wouldn't stop working, wondering when I would just realize he wasn't breathing anymore.

My mind stopped working by the time Thanksgiving came around. Todd said he was feeling better that weekend; he'd even managed to move around all weekend without much difficulty. So, I left him in our bedroom and went to the kitchen to check on the turkey I'd put into the oven. I planned a huge dinner, even invited Barry and Rebecca and the kids.

I heard a noise from upstairs when I removed the bird from the oven. I dropped it and bolted up the stairs to our room. I didn't even make it inside the room.

I saw Todd, collapsed by the side of our bed. He was holding a photo from our wedding in his hand. The platter I'd left with food and expensive china was on the floor, the plates and cup shattered. I didn't care.

I crumpled to the floor and just stared.

## Chapter Five

April 2013

Tony

"Barry what are you doing?"

I was pushed back against the nearest wall, Barry crowding my personal space. His face was blank, expressionless, but his eyes were as intense as they'd been before he'd moved away.

"Do you know how difficult this is?"

"What are you talking about?"

He made a gesture toward the closed door. "Me playing the considerate best friend who's supposed to be consoling you. I mean your husband was just buried for Christ's sake."

"Barry --"

"No, T. You don't get it." Large hands held my face tightly. "I can't do it. It's too much."

"I don't understand."

"I can't be the considerate best friend anymore, T. I've been trying that since Freshman year when you walked into our dorm room and I was still dealing with it when I decided to leave and come to New York. Didn't you ever wonder why?"

I frowned. What the hell was he getting at? "I figured you wanted to focus on your career."

Barry shook his head. His hands fell away from my face, only to press against the wall on either side of my head. "No, T. I left because I couldn't deal. I was twenty-one and for all intents and purposes I was straight. I didn't know how to deal with it."

"Deal with what?"

"Wanting my best friend," he said quietly. His eyes locked on mine. "Wanting you. I couldn't deal with it, so I did the only thing I could think of at the time. I left."

"I'm not hearing this correctly," I chuckled. "You're just confused. Are you sure everything is okay with you and Rebecca?"

Barry groaned. "No, things aren't good. We're fighting. Every day."

"Then there's your answer." I raised my hand and patted his cheek. "This is nothing more than you just wanting to have the friendly relationship you have with me with your wife. That's understandable." I ducked under his thick arm and moved toward the door. "We're gonna go see her and you two can talk, okay?"

"I don't want to talk to her," Barry said quietly.

I frowned at him. "You don't want to talk to your wife?"

"No."

"Why not?"

He sighed. "T, tell me something before I answer you. Why did you let me come to New York?"

"That's a stupid question. You had a job, you saw an opportunity to advance, and I pushed you to take it. Simple. I wouldn't have been a good friend if I'd convinced you to stay."

"That's a lie."

I opened my mouth to say something but I closed it. There was nothing I could think of to say. So, I stood there and crossed my arms over my chest and just looked at him.

"You want me to tell you? You were scared. You were scared so you let me leave."

"Scared of what Einstein?"

Barry's lips slowly curved into a conspiratorial smile. "You think I didn't notice the side glances and stares you'd give me when you thought I wasn't looking? Did you think I didn't hear you and our friends talking more than once? 'Of course I like him but I can't let him know'," he mimicked a part of my conversation with our friends years ago. I remembered because that was the same year Barry had sent me the letter saying he would be leaving.

"How are you so sure I was talking about you?" Best to stay in denial.

"So you want me to believe that you don't feel anything at all for me?"

"Of course I do. You're my best friend."

Barry gave me a sympathetic smile. "That's exactly why I know what I'm talking about." He stepped closer, placed his palm on my chest where my heart was pounding. "And I know that you know that I'm right."

"Answer the question," I said quietly. What man didn't want to work through things with his wife? Todd and I had our share of conflicts but we loved each other so we always worked out our issues.

"I already told you."

"No you didn't."

"Yes. In the indirect way but I told you."

I glared at him. "How the hell am I supposed to know what you're talking about?"

Barry sighed. "It's a good thing you're cute 'cause you're not very smart, are you?"

"Hey!"

Barry chuckled. The sound was good considering all he'd done the last few years was sulk. "You still don't get it?"

"I'm not even thinking," I said honestly. I was focusing on the way his throat worked with each word and the scent of his aftershave.

"I won't talk to Rebecca to try and salvage what may or may not remain of our marriage because I don't love her."

"That's so fucked up! How can you say that about the mother of your kids?"

Barry shrugged. "Because its the truth. She knows it too. She doesn't love me either. We never did."

"Why did you bother getting married?"

"I was struggling," he reminded me. "My best friend was back in Cincinnati and I was in New York yet despite the distance I couldn't get him out of my mind. What was I supposed to do about that?"

"Barry..."

"T, what can I say to make you understand?" Barry opened his mouth to say something else but he shook his head and grabbed my waist.

"What are you doing?"

"If you won't listen to words then I'll have to show you."

Show me what? I got the answer to my silent question when Barry leant down and covered my mouth with his.

I was barely eighteen the first time I met Barrington Kirk. To me he'd always had this geek-chic type of deal happening because he was super smart but he never looked the part; he was always in the latest fashion, looking insanely sexy. So my poor little brain had, for the last fifteen years, held a special type of interest for him beyond the parameters of our friendship. I wanted him, plain and simple. Being in a committed relationship for half a decade with someone I loved had made me think about my own relationship with Barry. In my mind we would always be friends, regardless of who we ended up with at any point in time.

To Barry? I had no idea. Either he had an itch to scratch or he had no freaking clue what he was doing because he was grieving over the loss of my husband, his friend. Somehow I didn't think it was the latter.

My brain short-circuited. How many times had I pictured how it would feel to kiss Barry? The exact number was blurry but the real thing was definitely better than my still frames.

Barry grabbed at my waist and hauled me up against him before he tilted his head to deepen the kiss.

I couldn't stop the whimper. Sharp spikes ran along every inch of my body as his scent, his taste, wrapped around me. I clutched at his shoulder, not wanting it to end.

"Barry..."

"Shit, T." He pulled back, pressed our foreheads together. "You don't know how long I've wanted to do that."

Didn't I? I moved my eyes away from him for just a moment, observing our surroundings. Then I remembered. The kiss had literally muddled my brain but I was back to normal in an instant. What the hell was wrong with me? I stepped back. "Barry we can't do this."

"What not?"

"I just buried my husband, Barry. I can't just disgrace his memory and disrespect him by allowing you to... do whatever the hell it is you think you want to do."

Barry's eyes narrowed. "T, you're fooling yourself if you think you were actually in love with Todd."

I stared at him. His jaw was clenched, his mouth turned down. He looked so angry. "How do you know how I felt or didn't feel about him?"

"We didn't talk for years T but you and Rebecca did correspond often enough. We got all the photos and videos you sent, just like we know you got ours. Don't you think I noticed how you looked at each other? Todd looked like he would've caught a fucking bullet for you."

That he would've. I looked at the ground.

"You looked at him like he was just a friend. You loved him but weren't _in_ love with him _._ " He held up a hand when I was about to speak. "Trust me; I know how you look at your friends. You don't look at me like a friend." He reached for me again, and again I didn't resist. "You look at me like I'm the second coming, T."

What was I supposed to say to all that?

"It's not as weird as you think." He kissed my cheek. "I see you the same way." He stared into my eyes for the longest time. "I don't look at you, T. I see you. You're my best friend and you always will be but dammit I want more than that."

What was I supposed to do about that? I mean this wasn't what I'd expected when I'd arrived at the cemetery earlier that day. Truth be told I hadn't expected Barry to even show up; we hadn't spoken to each other in so long that I was silly enough to consider the idea that he'd forgotten about me.

"Barry, please. Think this through. We're friends. We can't be anything more than that."

His sapphire eyes darkened. "Why not?"

"We're friends!" Why wasn't he listening?

"That means we can't be more than that?"

I released a frustrated groan. "More than that you're married! Why won't you get it through your thick skull that we can't get involved?"

Barry crossed his arms over his chest and stared at me. The longer he stood there, the more uneasy I grew.

I sighed. "Barry I think you need to go home."

"I'm not leaving you here alone."

"Yes, you are." I spun around to face the doorway when I heard my sister calling. "Kristen is coming. Go."

Barry's jaw clenched. "You're sending me away?"

I clenched my fists in an effort to resist grabbing the lapels of his jacket and bringing him closer. I couldn't betray family like that. It was bad enough that Barry had already initiated it once. "Yes. There is no reason for you to stay here. Rebecca is waiting. Sammy and Greg are too. Just go home, Barry."

"T, you're making a big mistake."

I felt tears fill my eyes. I blinked them back. I refused to let Barry see me cry. "It's all a matter of opinion. You pretended I didn't exist for _years_ , Barry, and you expect to just storm back into my life when my husband dies as if you have some silly claim to me? No." I looked up, stared into his blue eyes unflinchingly. "You made it very clear you stopped caring. Please don't make me sound as heartless as you are."

Barry took a step forward and I took a step back. I heard Kristen call again.

"Go."

Barry sighed. His body was tense, his eyes cast downward. "Okay. I'll go." When Barry looked up I had to gasp at the heat I saw reflected in those blue depths. "But if you think I'm giving up you can think again. I'll be back, T. When you least expect it." He stepped forward and gripped the back of my neck with one hand.

The death grip he had on my hair forced my head backward. Barry leaned down and covered my mouth with his once more.

The kiss was aggressive and made my heart race. Against my will my hands curled into his jacket and held his heavy frame against my own.

Barry's tongue lapped at my own, over the roof of mouth and almost down my throat. His hand tightened further in my hair as he stole my breath.

I struggled for air as my lungs burned. I pushed against his chest.

Barry pulled back reluctantly. One finger traced my jaw down to my collarbone. His grin was feral when I shivered. "This is why I won't give up so easily, T. You'll realize that soon enough." Barry pressed a fierce kiss to my forehead before he left the room.

The tears that had been at the surface spilled from my eyes. I reached out and braced a palm against the wall to steady myself when my knees wobbled.

"Tony? You in here?"

I went to answer her but my voice cracked. I cleared my throat before I took a deep breath. "Yeah, Kris! I'm in here!"

I listened to her light footsteps as she entered the room. I was looking at the ground so once she stood in front of me my vision was almost blocked by her painted toes in the black pumps. "What's wrong Tony?"

My fingers curled ever so tightly against the wall as I stood. I offered my baby sister a forced smile. "The funeral just kind of got to me."

Kristen rested one of her small hands on my shoulder. I could tell by the way her mascara had started to run down her cheeks that she'd been almost as affected as I had been. "I can't even begin to try and understand what you're feeling. I know he meant a lot to you. I'm so sorry."

I grabbed her and held her close as the tears poured from my eyes. If only she knew that I wasn't crying because the man I'd given the last ten years of my life to was gone. "You didn't do anything, Kris. It's just hard."

"I know honey, I know."

Kristen and I held each other until our mother came to find us. By the time she escorted us to the car almost everyone had left the graveside, leaving his or her condolences for me with my mom. The only persons left were Rebecca and Barry who seemed to be having a very heated discussion by the time the three of us approached the car.

My mom called out to them and Rebecca turned her surprised eyes to me, a blush slowly creeping up her cheeks.

"Mrs. Reid, hello."

My mother stepped closer to them and wrapped her arms around Rebecca's shoulders. "I know how you must be feeling dear. I'm sorry."

Rebecca hugged my mother just as tightly. She was rather upset at Todd's passing but her grief wasn't nearly as heart wrenching as mine was. "Thank you." She looked over my mom's shoulder and gave me a sympathetic smile. "Tony's the one who needs all the support he can get right now."

I gave a sharp nod and looked toward my sister who had grabbed my hand and was squeezing my fingers. My eyes flickered to Barry for the shorter moment before I turned to my family and entered the car.

Barry

"What do you mean you kissed him?" I leaned back against the side of the car as Becks let out some steam. That was the last time I'd tell her anything about me and T. "You're overreacting."

Rebecca smacked my arm. "Being pissy over the fact that Elena is stealing my future man is overreacting. This is me being real, Barry. How could you let that happen?"

I rolled my eyes at her Vampire Diaries reference. I hated that show. "I honestly don't see what I did that was so wrong."

She pinched the bridge of her nose. "You don't come on to a person who just lost someone they loved, Barry. You just don't. It's a dick move and for good reason. Think about it. In the long run do you really want think he'll see you as anything more than a rebound?"

"That was the initial plan."

"God you're dumb. Could you think for one moment _without_ your dick?" Rebecca drew in a deep breath before she spoke again. "You'd better give him some space. At least until the reunion comes around. That way he won't think that you're a thousand times the asshole you're behaving as."

"Becks, why should I? I've wasted the last fifteen years already. It hurts." The emotional frustration I'd always experienced while imagining T with anyone other than me had manifested itself into a living, breathing parasite that was slowly sucking the life from me. It _did_ hurt.

"I know it does babe." She lifted a hand and rested it on my cheek. It was very likely she understood what I was going through on some level; hell, she'd spent the last ten years pining after a man who had no interest in divorcing his wife or leaving his family for her. "But you have to give him time. The funeral just barely ended. Tony is mourning. Leave him be."

I met her sympathetic blue eyes. "I don't know if I can."

I was suddenly enveloped in an almost bone-crushing hug. Rebecca ran her palm over my back in an attempt to sooth me. "Just breathe through it, Barry. Everything will be okay very soon."

Good, I hoped she was right.

When we got home my mom was watching some crime drama on the television. Izzy was sitting next to her, as engrossed as her grandmother was, but Frankie was nowhere in sight.

"Hey, mom. Where's Frankie?"

Izzy launched herself off the couch and wrapped her arms around waist. "Daddy!"

I stooped to her height, wrapping my arms around her. "Hey, Princess. How have you been? Where's your brother?" Becks and I had agreed that it wouldn't have been wise to bring the kids to the funeral; their cousin's death had been hard enough and they didn't need to be around such collective anguish.

She shrugged her tiny shoulders. "I don't know. He told nana he was going into his room to use the computer." Izzy skipped off to the couch and plopped down next to my mother again.

"He's never wanted to use that before." I frowned up at Rebecca who had been parking the car in the garage. "Izzy said Frankie's in his room."

Rebecca's expression mirrored my own. "I'll go check." She kicked off her heels and padded off down the hall. "Barry? Come here."

I was in Frankie's room before I knew it. "What?" Where was Frankie?

Rebecca was frowning at the computer screen. "Look at the search history."

I sat down in the chair and pulled up the browser's history. Oh, god. Twenty searches of kissing and twice that number of searches on _men_ kissing. "Are you sure Frankie searched this?" Where did he even get the idea to search all this? We didn't shelter our kids but we damn sure didn't deliberately expose them to anything inappropriate. Hell, Becks and I never even kissed!

"I think he's getting curious. Boys his age usually are," she answered, full of reason. "When he gets out of the bathroom we'll ask him. Don't bombard him with questions and don't make him seem like a criminal."

As if I ever would! Now I understood that over-protective feeling deep in my parents' gut the first time I asked them what sex was. "Okay, we'll ask him."

Becks had ended up asking all the questions. We'd sent Izzy to Vermont for the weekend with my mother and Frankie was due to fly out the next day.

The poor thing had looked so scared when he saw us in his room waiting for him.

"What's wrong?"

I'd started to answer but Becks held up her hand and silenced me. "Honey, why were you looking up pictures of people kissing?"

After a few minutes of spluttering and accusing us of spying on him, Frankie had dropped unto the edge of the bed and sighed. "I never see you and mom kiss," he'd said softly. "Not on the mouth, like I've seen grandma and grandpa do. Mom always kisses your cheek or forehead and you always kiss her hand. And then I got this." He dug beneath his pillow for his cellphone (I'd always regret buying him a smartphone for the rest of my life) and pulled up a photo of me and T, wrapped in a fevered embrace in the funeral parlor.

"Who sent this?" I took the phone and stared intently at the picture.

"Derek." Derek was T's nephew, his baby sister Kristen's youngest son. The boy was eleven and had already told his mother and father that he 'liked' boys.

"Why did he send you this?" Becks asked.

"Cause I told him that I got this funny feeling whenever I sat at lunch with Vince. He said that I should look up the pictures and if I still feel that way then I talk to you guys."

Rebecca wrapped an arm over Frankie's shoulder. "Sweetheart, you never told us about Vince before."

"I was scared. Derek said boys like us are sometimes thrown out of our homes because we like other boys. He said his mom and dad are cool with it but you guys may not be."

I shared a look with Kristen. Oh, if only our baby boy knew. "Frankie, you can always come to us about anything. We don't care if you like other boys. You're human."

"Does this Vince boy know?"

Frankie shook his head. I sat down next to him and patted the dark curls on his head. "Derek said I shouldn't tell him. He said he may not feel the same."

I made a mental note to send that kid a new cd for his PlayStation. "That was good advice. We still need to talk about what you saw." I motioned to the phone in his hand.

Frankie blinked up at me. "Are you and mom breaking up? Is that why you don't kiss? Is that why you're kissing Uncle Tony?"

Rebecca glared at me for upsetting Frankie with my actions. "Baby, your father, and I are best friends. We wanted to wait until you were older to explain everything." _But you fucked that up_ , Becks' expression said, aimed at me.

"Married people are supposed to be best friends," he said matter-of-factly.

I smiled. "Yes, that's true. But, your mother and I are _just_ friends. We never have been interested in each other more than that."

"So you guys don't have sex?"

"Frankie!"

"No," Rebecca said, completely cool with answering while I was freaking out. What had happened to the little boy she used to breastfeed just last week? "We do love each other but more like the love you have for Derek, you know because you guys are _just_ friends?"

Frankie's mouth opened wide as realization dawned on his face. "So why did you have me? And Izzy?"

"Well, you dad wanted kids and I wanted to provide him with them. I love you and your sister so much more than I thought I would have."

"So do I."

Frankie turned his eyes to me. "Why did you kiss Uncle Tony?"

I glanced at Rebecca who nodded. "You know that funny feeling you get when you see Vince?" At Frankie's nod I continued. "That's how I feel around your Uncle Tony."

"Why aren't you guys married instead of you and mom?"

Rebecca and I shared a look before she chuckled softly.

"Sweetheart, do you remember how mean the people at our dad's firm used to be? They didn't like anyone but themselves and your grandma and I wanted to make sure that none of them hated your dad because he likes your Uncle Tony."

God, the more this conversation went on, the weirder it became. I kept quiet though and allowed Rebecca to speak with our son.

Frankie's mouth fell open. His ever-so-slightly pissed off expression would've been funny had it been another time. "Can people really be that mean, mom?"

"Yes, sweetheart. Unfortunately. I liked your dad and he had the potential to be my best friend so I offered to help him out. Here we are ten years later with you and Izzy." She leaned forward and kissed his temple. "And we both love you more than we can say."

Frankie nodded, blinking up at his mother. "Mom, do you love dad?"

"With all my heart, but it's the kind of love you have for Izzy," she explained.

I saw the moment realization dawned on Frankie's face. "Oh, I get it. So does Uncle Tony love you dad?" He turned his wide blue eyes to me.

My smile was forced. "I don't know, sport. I hope so."

"He'd better," Frankie huffed. "You're an awesome dad."

Rebecca patted my shoulder and I felt tears well in my eyes.

_Yeah, Frankie, I hope he does_.

## Chapter Six

May 2013

Tony

"What do you want Barry?"

"Are you going to the reunion?"

I made a point of looking at the calendar hanging on the wall. I was secretly hoping there would be something planned for June but no, there was nothing. I wasn't entirely certain I wanted to be in the same vicinity as Barry though; ever since the funeral I'd done my best to avoid him.

Rebecca brought the kids over twice a week so we could hang out. I found out that Frankie, cute little bugger, enjoyed interrogating me. Especially about his dad. From what Rebecca had told me when Frankie had left the room their son was more than a little curious about a certain boy in his class.

Just thinking about little Frankie's confusion made me smile wistfully, memories of my own childhood resurfacing. I hadn't been quite as young as Frankie when I realized I'd like another boy beyond the call of regular friendship. It had been eighth grade and I'd gotten paired up with the cutest boy for biology. His name had been Jace Miller and he had been my first everything – first kiss, my first sexual experience, and my first heart break when he left town to go to college.

We barely spoke after he'd left. He sent the occasional letter and, once cellphones had gotten really prevalent, had called a few ties. I never spent more time than necessary talking to him. From what I could tell from his last phone call, more than two years ago, he was some big shot detective in the city but our paths never crossed.

I guessed that detectives had a whole lot more work to do than us little people.

"Why should I?" New York had been good to me for the last five years. Todd and I had made a permanent move into a nice home a couple years after we started dating – when he proposed to me – and I couldn't have passed up the chance. I'd convinced myself that it was the perfect opportunity to stay close to Rebecca, who had quickly become one of my closest friends, and to her and Barry's kids.

But, some part of me knew that I'd only agreed to move because I couldn't stand being too far from Barry. It had been so long since we'd had a conversation as best friends but I knew we still meant a great deal to each other. Deep down I think Todd knew that as well and he would've done anything to make me happy.

I heard Barry sigh over the line. "All our old friends are gonna be there and, the last time I checked, we haven't seen those guys since we graduated."

He was, of course, referring to Ashley, Morgan and Frieda who had been our semi-roommates and good friends in college. It still amazed me how people drifted apart after school. Last I heard Ashley was a model, despite her parents' hopes for her to practice medicine, Morgan was a mechanic in California with his husband, and his twin, Frieda, was a designer in a town close by.

"I can always email them if I want to talk." I didn't have contact info for any of them... Barry didn't need to know that. "I don't think I should go. It's too soon." _After the funeral_. That part didn't need to be said.

"T, please. You and I haven't hung out in ages and I miss it. I'll stop bullshitting you. I really want you there because I want to see you. After the stunt I pulled at the funeral I need to apologize to your face."

"You could've come over with Rebecca and done that, weeks ago." I'd noticed that no matter how much Rebecca had been over to my house, Barry had been conveniently absent. I figured that maybe he'd realized the mistake he'd made at the funeral and just wanted to avoid me.

"I know, but I had to have a long talk with myself and decide if that was what I really wanted to do. A wise friend told me that I either apologize or die feeling sorry for myself."

I wondered who that friend was but didn't voice it. "I don't understand what I'm gonna get out of this. If I go I risk having to see the people who were either mean to me while at school or incredibly asinine creatures who I have no interest in seeing."

"T, please. We need to talk and I know you don't want to rest things as they are. you love closure and I'm willing to give it to you. I'm willing to answer any questions you have."

"And you can't do this over the phone?"

"No." Barry's voice left no room for arguments.

I groaned inwardly. Leave it to Barry to get me in a difficult situation. It was either I spend however long pining after him with unanswered questions about whether or not his feelings were real, ore I got my shit together and went to the reunion. It was a pretty clear choice, even to me. "Alright. I'll be there."

June 2013

Barry

"You look fine." Rebecca finished fixing my tie and stepped back to admire her work. The whole aim of tonight was for me to get T alone and apologize for my pigheadedness. Even after convincing T to attend I still hadn't been sure I wanted to go. But, as my darling of a wife so eloquently put, "Get your fucking ass on a plane and go get your man or I'll cut your balls off."

"I can't believe you threatened me."

Rebecca grinned widely. She lifted a hand and pressed it to my cheek. "I do it because I love you and I love Tony and I want you guys to be happy. Most persons would argue that two months isn't enough to get over the death of someone you love but t isn't most people. He's one of the strongest people I know." Her smile was wistful as her blue eyes sparkled. "And so long as you take things slowly everything will be just fine." That was Becks for you; a damn philosopher even though she had her degree in Business Management.

I took a breath and let it. I walked over to the window and looked out into the city. It felt pretty good to be back in Cincinnati. I could remember the first time I'd come here. It was after my first day at college and my mother hadn't been happy with my decision.

"Sweetheart, are you sure you want to go so far? We can find you a even better college. With your grades that will be a piece of cake."

"No, mom," I'd told her. "I want to go here. I can't explain it but... I just get the feeling that it's a good decision."

My mother had continued to argue with me over the rest of the semester, constantly saying it was never too late to transfer. Sure, I could've gone to an Ivy League University but Cincinnati had called to me. By the end of the semester I'd realized why; T had ended up being my roommate and the best friend I could've ever hoped for. After meeting him at Christmas that first year, my mother had stopped her nagging.

"What are you worrying about now?" Rebecca stepped closer to me and wrapped her small arms around my waist.

"Just reminiscing. The first time I was here was for college. After I met t I never thought I'd ever leave."

Rebecca chuckled. "Yes, you have said how much you liked him from the start. Even if you hadn't realized it."

We were silent for a moment, just staring out the hotel window. We were only spending the weekend. My parents were housesitting while Frankie and Izzy stayed at friends' houses. It was Saturday night and Rebecca had to leave early tomorrow to get ready for work. With her being the supervisor at her job she had to be at her best.

"Barry, this may sound silly but... I'm a little scared."

I turned in her arms and furrowed me brows. "Why are you scared?"

Rebecca sighed. "It's just... we filed the papers and in a couple months we'll be officially divorced. That means no more late night scary movies with hot chocolate and no more romantic comedies with popcorn. No more taking the kids to the doctor, or the dentist. No more showing up at work with your lunch."

I could feel my eyes prickling with tears as the gravity of what she said hit me. I understood exactly what she meant. We'd started out as acquaintances, each becoming involved in this marriage for one reason or the other. Over the last ten years however, we'd become best friends, siblings. She knew almost everything about me and the reverse was true. Once the papers went through there would be no obligation for us to be in the same room with each other.

I had to cup her small face in my hands and stare into her teary eyes. "Becks, no matter what happens, you will _always_ be like my sister. Hell, as far as I'm concerned you _are_ my sister. The last ten years have been some of the best I've had and I will forever be grateful for your help. You helped me – forced me – to find myself and I will never forget that." I pressed a gentle kiss to her forehead. "And a divorce doesn't mean we'll be out of each other's hair. Frankie and Izzy are still our children, at the end of the day, and they always will be. I'll come over for scary movies and rom coms whenever you want as long as hot chocolate and popcorn are a part of the deal. That won't change."

Rebecca nodded her head briskly. She sniffled. Her smile was shaky. "I just can't help thinking that once Tony accepts your apology we won't be as close anymore. I mean you guys will live together and I'll have to find a permanent beau to get frisky with."

I chuckled. "But we have our expensive phones for a reason. And our computers. And, we live pretty close don't weekend hangouts are in order I'd wager." I shook my head. " _If_ he accepts my apology anyway."

Rebecca slapped my arm. "Of course he will. Stop being an asshole. Have a little faith in yourself. You're a catch and T knows that. He's just pissed at you."

_Yeah, I know_ , I thought. "I really want him to forgive me. We've wasted enough time."

"Then be as honest as you can be." Rebecca smiled at me. "That's what he'd want, we both know that. And you can try romance although." She twisted her painted lips and narrowed her eyes. "That part could use some work."

I smacked her hip and Rebecca danced out of the way, grabbing her purse off the edge of the bed. I chuckled softly and tucked my into my trouser pockets, following her out the door.

I had a reunion to get to and a man to win over.

Tony

Driving in my old hometown was unlike driving in the city. I loved how devoid of human life the roads were most of the time and I absolutely adored the absence of emissions to clog my sinuses. I'd planned to spend the weekend and already I'd been here for two days, since Thursday.

I had the most generous substitute teacher to take over my class. She was a whiz with teenagers, which was very different from my own skills and I knew that once I returned they'd be angels.

I pulled the car into my old college's parking lot and turned off the ignition. There was that incessant fluttering in the pit of my stomach again; the same one I'd felt every time the phone rang and I heard Barry's rich voice on the line. It still amazed me how much of an effort he'd been making since the funeral. I mean, he'd hardly tried over the past decade, despite my efforts.

Still, a part of me yearned for the revival of our friendship. I missed him, missed having him to talk to whenever something went good, or bad, for me. I missed him forcing me to watch those stupid black and white films he adored.

Even so, I wasn't a home wrecker. No matter how good Barry felt with his arms wrapped around me it was highly improbable I would agree to anything more than friendship at this point. Not to mention the fact that he had the two most adorable children in the world. No, I couldn't do that to Rebecca, Frankie, or Izzy. They all meant too much to me.

I pulled the key from the ignition and exited the car. I didn't want to stay here any longer than I needed to. As I approached the front entrance of the college I noticed there were to women standing at the doors with clipboards.

The blonde one, dressed in an obscenely tight red dress, smiled at me. "Oh my god. Anthony?"

How did she know my name? I stopped just a foot away and stared at her. The obviously-dyed blonde hair cut in an attractive bob above her shoulders was unfamiliar, but the large brown eyes and smirk were very recognizable. "Oh my god. Ashley?"

She held her arms out and did a three-sixty degree turn. The dress really was tight, but it suited her. The front was cut low enough to show ample cleavage and the hem was just below her ass. Of course, she wore a pair of, what appeared to be, six-inch heels. "In the flesh. I haven't seen you in forever. How have you been?"

Ten years really did seem like forever. "Good. I finally have my dream job teaching high school History. The kids are monsters but so were we at that age, right? How about you?"

Ashley rested her hand on one hip. "Well, after grad I decided to go into modeling. It was good for about five years but you know, models have a short shelf life. I was mostly doing shows in Paris and London for a while before I retired. Now I own a modeling agency in Florida."

"Wow, sounds like you've done well for yourself." The wide smile on her face said as much.

"Yes, I definitely have. Wait, where's Barry?"

I opened my mouth to answer when a hand landed on Ashley's shoulder. "Could you give him a breather, Ash? He just got here?"

I looked up at the dark-haired beauty and recognized her immediately. The dark brown dress she wore was taller than Ashley's and showed just enough skin to be classy but flirty. "Frieda!"

I was rewarded with a wide smile. "Yeah. Ash and I were asked to organize this whole thing. Kind of a drag but you know. It's nice to see everyone again."

"How's Morgan?" I wondered why her twin wasn't by her side now, actually. Back in college they'd been attached at the hip.

She rolled her eyes. "That piece of crap says he's too busy to come. Something about John being needy. If you ask me that was just an excuse to avoid everyone." John must've been the name of Morgan's husband

"Well, I have to say it's great seeing you girls."

They smiled at me before Frieda laid a hand on my shoulder. "I don't mean to root up anything painful but I was sorry to hear about Todd."

I frowned. "How did you know about him?"

"Well, quite a few of our old acquaintances live in or around New York and, as popular as he was, most people knew."

"What do you mean was?" Ashley asked quietly.

I cleared my throat. I was suddenly very uncomfortable with the whole situation. All I wanted to get inside and have a drink. "He died a couple months back. Cancer."

Ashley's pretty eyes widened and she covered her mouth. "I'm so sorry, Tony."

"Yeah, thanks." I forced a smile before I pushed past them as with as much subtlety as I could muster. "I don't plan on staying long so I'll see you ladies when I see you."

Thankfully I made it inside the large auditorium that had been decked out for a dance. The hundreds of chairs that had normally been laid out in organized rows were gone. In their place were round table covered with blue and black plaid cloths that hung over the sides. Each table was surrounded by three chairs.

God, the layout was like stepping back into Barry and Rebecca's wedding.

I noticed that two podiums were on the stage, both set up with microphones, and an open bar was just off the flight of stairs to the left of the stage. I looked back toward the door before I made a beeline for the bar.

"Good night," the bartender smiled at me.

I forced a smile. My face would definitely be cramped in the morning from this effort. "Night. Jack and Coke, please." I still hated the idea of alcohol as much as I did the taste, but whenever Barry showed up I'd definitely need it. I heard the glass tap the counter and I nodded my gratitude at the man before I picked up my drink and sipped it.

Several people amongst the crowd in the room approached me. Some remembered me as Barry's friend, others remembered me because we'd had the same lecturers at one point or another. I only nodded and made the polite gestures and sounds at the appropriate moment. Eventually it seemed people got the memo that I wasn't in for talking because they just stopped coming over to me.

I was grateful for that.

"Hey, you alright?"

"Yeah." I downed the rest of my drink and slid the glass over to the bartender. "Thanks."

His dark green eye sparkled at me. "You look like you need a distraction."

Oh my god, was he seriously flirting with me? I shook my head. "No, thanks. I'm fine."

"He's with me," a familiar voice practically growled behind me.

I turned and was, as usual, rendered speechless at the sight of Barry Kirk standing not two feet from me. He was scowling at the bartender and something told me to look down. His hand was holding onto my waist and he was using that to pull me from the bar.

"Sorry about that dude," the bartender shrugged. He marched off down the counter to tend to another person.

"What the hell, Kirk?"

Barry's features changed in an instant. His angry blue eyes softened and he gave me a small smile. "Hey, T."

His hand was burning through my shirt, it seemed. Looking up at his artfully disheveled hair as it hung over his shoulders and the way his mouth widened to a grin made my pulse quicken. Something only Barry had been able to do.

I reached down to remove his hand. "Hello, Barry."

His hand turned over and he wrapped his fingers around my own, holding my hand. "I missed you."

I wanted to be sarcastic and say, "Oh, really?" but I looked toward the door then and saw Rebecca walking inside the room. I swatted his hand away and stepped around him. I didn't want Rebecca seeing all this. "Hey, Rebecca," I smiled softly as she stepped closer.

She looked positively radiant in the fluorescent lighting. Her blonde hair was pulled back from her face and cascaded down her back. The black dress she had on fit her tiny form and no one would've guessed that she was a mother of two. "Hey, Tony." She glared at Barry for a moment before pulling me into a hug. "How have you been?"

"Good. I didn't really want to be here but someone,' I cast a glance over my shoulder, "insisted."

Rebecca sighed. "I'm sorry. He's an asshole. But he means well." She looked up at Barry, her arms still around my shoulders, and gestured wildly with her head.  
"Are you okay?"

"Yes! I'm fine." She pulled back and turned me to face Barry. "You two need to talk. I'll make myself scarce." With that she walked off toward the crowd to mingle.

"She's going to talk to Ashley," Barry said softly. "Those two hit it off better than I could've guessed." His hands landed on my shoulders and he stared down into my eyes. "Are you ready to talk now?"

I felt the butterflies in my stomach fluttering around and I swallowed hard. I nodded and was led from the auditorium and up the stairs just outside the door. The room served as an observatory, since our college had courses in astronomy.

Barry released his hold on me and stepped over to the railing, looking at the starless sky. "Before you say anything and go off about what happened at the funeral, I should tell you that Becks knows."

I felt my stomach lurch and I instantly felt sick. "She does?" Although it hadn't been my fault, I could've stopped the kiss from happening. The idea of Rebecca hating me was something I didn't know if I handle. "What did she say?"

"She's upset with me, of course. She thinks it was too soon for me to attack you."

"Wait, what?"

Barry smiled at me over his shoulder. "She said I should've waited a while before I did it."

Even when he repeated his words, they didn't seem to register with me. Was Barry seriously trying to tell me that his wife of ten years was okay with him kissing – scratch that, _mauling_ – another guy?

"Actually, yes, she is."

"Did I say that out loud?" I felt the heat creep up my neck.

Barry's chuckle was deep and did funny things to my insides. "Yes, baby. You did." He turned, rested his back on the railing. "What would you like to know? You seem very...confused."

Of course I was confused. "I don't get it. What kind of couple are you?"

Barry crossed his arms over his chest. Only now did I take notice of the snazzy suit he was wearing. Hmm, lawyers did make a pretty penny, didn't they? The charcoal suit made Barry's sapphire eyes stand out, and the suit was obviously tailored because it hugged him at all the right places.

"I wanted to come clean about everything a long time ago, T, but if I had I couldn't have stayed with Becks and slowed you to live your life. The same life I tried to shelter you from you got yourself wrapped up in."

"Wait, what?" I furrowed my brows. I could feel a headache coming on. "What the hell are you talking about?"

Barry heaved a sigh. He suddenly seemed so exhausted. "Okay, let me take it from the top. You may want to have a seat." He gestured to the leather seats that were all around.

As if on autopilot, I walked over to the one closest and plopped down. Barry pushed off the railing and sat down close by.

"Okay," God, was that me talking? my voice was scratchy, as if I'd been screaming. "Go ahead."

Barry took a moment, to compose himself I guessed, before he started talking. "Twelve years ago, after I moved to New York, I wasn't the same. You were back here and I was in a new state without my family or my best friend. It had gotten to the point where I was seriously considering quitting my job and moving back."

I sat quietly, watching as he sank into the memory. Barry was fiddling with his fingers and his voice was barely above a whisper. But I heard every word.

"When my mother moved to be closer to me I couldn't hold it in anymore. Of course, that was _after_ she realized that something was wrong. So, I told her about my conflicting emotions. I told her about how unsure I was about what I'd done and she listened to every word. My mother realized very quickly that had I been left entirely up to me, I would've dropped everything to come here and be with you."

Barry turned his eyes on me and the heartfelt expression burning in their depths made me gasp softly. "I was in love with you, T, but I didn't want to admit it. When I'd finally come to terms with it I was employed at the firm and those assholes would've hated me for being with you. My mother knew that sooner or later, had I chosen you over that job, I would've grown to resent you. I didn't stay just for me. You're a teacher, T. the world is a lot different than it used to be. We both know how parents would've taken the fact that their children's teacher was in a relationship with another man."

I understood what he meant. The first couple teaching jobs I'd gotten were at schools that were mostly Christian oriented and the parents of the students had always taken things to an extreme. I'd had to listen to homophobic slurs at parent/teacher conferences, and in the teacher's lounge from my own colleagues and bosses. It had been hell and I'd been forced to either find entertainment in other towns or just remain celibate.

I'd opted for the latter.

"So, my mom came up with a good solution. Instead of me running back here and jeopardizing your career I would get married to Becks for a while and then get a divorce. I knew we would drift apart, I knew you would grow to hate me, but it had to be done."

"We wouldn't have grown apart if you hadn't stopped contacting me," I snapped.

Barry winced. "You're right. I'm sorry. But, T, you need to understand. Had I remained in contact with you there would've been nothing to stop me from being with you. Rebecca understood what was required. She was in a bad spot with her father eager to see her married and she couldn't be with the person she really wanted so she and I agreed to get married. I never imagined the cluster fuck that would've ended up happening once we got married." He stared at me pointedly.

I knew exactly what – or, rather who – he was referring to. "Todd."

Barry frowned. "Yeah. I didn't know you would fall for him, T. If I had I never would've let Becks bring him around. But some part of me wanted to see where we would all end up so I didn't say or do anything. The kids weren't exactly planned – I mean they were planned a little since we had to go to the clinic to get her eggs fertilized – but it wasn't like we had a long talk about it."

"Whoa, hold up. Fertilized? you mean you didn't knock her up?"

Barry chuckled. "No, baby. I always knew how much you wanted kids of your own and once I told Becks she was more than on board. She'd never thought about having kids, she said, but once Frankie was born I knew that was it. She loves those two more than her own life but don't think for a moment that she did that for her." He reached out and took my hand, squeezing it between both of his. "She did it for _us_ , because she knew and hoped that we would be together."

I sat there with my mouth open for the longest time, until Barry had to wave his hand in front of my eyes to get my attention. When I looked at him I saw the myriad of emotions swirling in his eyes. It was too much. I ducked my head. "That was all a very nice story, Barry, but I'm not stupid. You guys got married because you love each other and I will not get between that." I yanked my hand from his. "I'm going back to my hotel. Good night."

Barry gripped my upper arm before I get off the chair. I vaguely registered the biting pain of his fingers digging into my skin; I was more focused on the determination I read in his features. "No. you are going to stay here and listen to my apology and the _truth_. I owe you that much and you owe it to yourself to stay and listen."

"Fine. But hurry up. I don't Rebecca coming to find us."

Barry sighed. "T, Becks said I had to apologize to you for what happened at the funeral. At first I didn't want to because I wouldn't have meant a word of it. To me, apologizing meant that I regretted it happening and I didn't." He pulled his hand back and started running his fingertips lightly over the area he'd squeezed. "You felt so good in my arms, T. How could I have apologized for that?"

No words formed at his question. Hell, my brain was slowly melting with every second that passed. His touch was sending shivers all over my skin and I was just barely holding back the shudders.

Barry shook his head. "I took some time and thought about what I did and I realized that apologizing for how it happened wasn't the same as just apologizing for it happening. You know? I mean, I wanted it, for so many years I've wanted it, but that wasn't the time or place and for that I'm sorry. I'm sorry if I sullied the memory for your husband and I'm sorry if I made you guys' relationship seem less than it may have been." He his stroking fingers drew a line over my shoulder and up my neck.

I couldn't hold back my whimper when his fingers grazed the spot just below my ear and I watched his eyes darken. "Barry, you have to stop." Why was my voice so breathy? I reached with the initial aim of removing his hand but then his fingers scratched over that spot and I shuddered.

Barry rose from the chair he was seated on and walked over to me. He fell to his knees on the tiled floor between my legs and muscled his broad shoulders toward me. "T, look me in my face and tell me you don't love me. Look at me and tell me you don't want me and I'll leave you alone."

This scene was vaguely familiar to our last meeting at the funeral parlor. Barry had been trying t convince of things then too, but I hadn't wanted to believe him. I couldn't have. As terrible as it sounded I'd used Todd's death as an excuse to shield me from whatever I felt for Barry. It was wrong but, thanks to his secrets, there was nothing else I could've done. My brain still couldn't process the idea of Barry Kirk loving me as more than a close friend.

But, what my brain refused to comprehend, my body already had. It was as if my hands had a mind of their own as they lifted and cupped his strong, chiseled face. What I said next was definitely on my own, and it was something I felt compelled to utter. "I can't tell you that. No matter how far we drifted apart Barry you were always my best friend you still are." I leaned forward and pressed my lips against his heated skin, kissing his forehead. My eyes squeezed shut and the tears still spilled out. "And that's why I want you to forget about me, Barry. Go back downstairs to Rebecca. Go home and kiss your children. Just go live your life." I pushed him back as gently as I could. The tears I saw sparkling in Barry's eyes almost broke my resistance. He never cried.

"T, don't do this. You can't ask me to do this," he said. His jaw clenched and the fingers on my skin were gone.

"I'm not asking," I told him softly. I looked into his eyes as I spoke, just to make sure he understood the gravity of the situation. "I'm telling you. Begging you, even."

Barry shook his head and stood, quiet.

I stood slowly. Had my pleading worked so soon? I hoped so because if I stayed in this room any longer I was bound to beg him to keep me instead. "Goodbye, Barry." I stepped around him and walked out of the room. I made quick work of descending the stairs, avoiding eye contact with anyone. I muttered a low, "Thanks for the invite," to Ashley and Frieda who were still by the door before I made my way to my car.

As soon as I was inside, the doors locked and there was no one around, I burst out crying. The tears threatened to choke me because after all this time of wishing and hoping for a chance with Barry I threw it all away. I cried because after his confession there was no way we could go back to being friends.

Everything had been broken. There was nothing left to salvage. I found myself wishing I'd never met Barry, never fallen for his classy style and humor, for the way he put his friends on pedestals, for the way he treated his kids and his wife. I wished I'd never met Barry Kirk because the more I cried over what I'd lost I realized I barely had anything left anymore.

Living in a city where Barry was sure to find me wasn't how I planned to spend the rest of my life. Knowing him, he wouldn't leave me alone. I had to leave, and soon. It was bad enough I still lived in the house where my husband had died. Now, the memories of Barry and my obsession with him were going to be the death of me, as well.

I put the key into the ignition and started the car, wiping at my tears with my other hand. My one remaining thought as I drove to the hotel was how soon I could call Kristen.

## Chapter Seven

December 2013

Tony

"Merry Christmas Uncle Tony!"

I turned the volume down on my iPod and turned to see Derek, my baby sister's son, holding out a neatly wrapped package in his hands. He was twelve now, in the eighth grade and so much smarter than his mother had been at that age. "What's this?" I took the package and twisted it all ways, even shaking it before looking at him.

Derek's amber eyes sparkled. "Open it and see." He grinned.

_Hmm, I wonder what it could be_. I pulled off the rainbow-colored wrapping paper and was met with a picture frame akin to a box. It was a thick as, say, a jewelry box but it was definitely for a picture. Behind the thin glass was a beautifully knit rainbow flag with the initials B + A knit into two of the colors.

"Derek, this is beautiful."

"You helped me figure out a lot about myself, Uncle T. This is my way of saying thanks, It's also my way of saying that if you guys are truly meant to be you'll end up together."

I rested the frame on the table next to the couch before I turned back to face my nephew. "When did you get so smart?"

Derek fanned off the compliment and ducked his head. His dark hair, compliments of his father, hung over his face. He was going through one of those 'emo kid' phases. I couldn't understand how I never went through that. Then again, there had been that one time in middle school where I was a hippie for a few weeks.

"Thank you, Derek. Guess the months have done nothing to hide my moping. I didn't mean to drop my problems on you guys."

I'd been staying in California with Kristen and her family for the six months. It'd been hell finding a decent place to rent that was in a good town. With the new teaching job I'd gotten at a community college I'd been earning extra and when the chance popped up for a great place I would definitely jump on it. "Mom says it's no trouble and I have to agree with her." Derek patted my shoulder, reminding me of his mother in that instant. "Stay as long as you'd like. I mean, I wouldn't mind if you could stay forever. Mom and dad aren't as fun as you." I chuckled. "Don't let her hear you saying that."

"Yeah, don't."

I turned my head in time to see Kristen entering the room. Living in California had its upsides but Christmas was snowless. To mimic the cold holiday Greg had cranked up the AC and we were all wearing sweaters because it was just so damn cold. "Don't hurt him. He was just trying to cheer me up." I noticed she was holding a try in her hands, no doubt with cookies and milk. Kristen grinned.

"Yes. I know. He gets his snarky from me," She walked over to the antique coffee table and laid the tray down. Sure enough it was stacked with chocolate and vanilla cookies, butter cookies and almond drops, all of which Kristen had spent the previous night baking. Next to the goodies were our glasses of milk, presumably almond milk. "Grab a glass and a cookie and relax boys."

I reached forward and snatched one of the chocolate cookies, my personal favorite, and a glass before reclining on the couch. Derek and Kristen both took their own cookies and milk before they sat next to me.

"When's Greg getting here?" It was two days before Christmas Eve, which meant that Greg was most likely finishing the work he had to do at the office. He was a legal analyst for a local television station, which I thought worked out perfectly, especially with the electric bill they'd be getting at the end of the month.

Kristen shrugged. "He says before dinner but knowing him he actually means before I get to bed." Greg meant well, and with Kristen three months pregnant he was going off his rocker to make sure she was doing all right. "He's working himself to the bone to make sure I don't have to before the baby's born. I can't help worrying."

I reached across and wrapped my arm around her shoulders, rocking her gently. Derek held one of her hands in one of his own.

"He'll be fine, Kris. He loves you and you know he means well. You just need to support him, okay?"

"Yes, I know. I just don't want him to work himself to death," she said quietly.

I knew she was still worried about bringing up Todd's death and upsetting but the fact of the matter was that it had been a year since I'd lost him and even though I thought it wouldn't have gotten better, it had. I remembered the good, the great and amazing times we'd shared, and I did my best to forget about the less-than-good moments. Whenever that rare moment came around that Kristen or Greg, or even Rebecca – when she graced me with the occasional phone call – reminded me of Todd and I burst into tears, it wasn't because of missing Todd.

Don't get me wrong – I _did_ miss him, a lot. But I was crying over my misuse of our relationship. I had loved Todd a lot more than I had imagined I ever would've. But, after everything that happened with Barry several months before, I'd come to the realization that I was using Todd as a crutch.

For years I'd been emotionally starved because of the unrequited affection I felt for my best friends. So much so that, when the chance for even a little happiness popped up, I jumped on that train. At the time I hadn't been aware of my actions so Todd had been spared too much pain.

I had the sneaking suspicion that Todd knew _exactly_ how I felt for Barry, far beyond the feelings I'd tried convincing him were 'long gone'.

"Greg will be fine," I reassured her. "I wouldn't be surprised if he walked through that front door right now."

Kristen scoffed and reached for another cookie. "I would."

Derek laughed next to her. "How about we discuss the plans for Christmas?'

"Oh, yeah, did you call mom?" I hadn't spoken to my mother in a couple of weeks. The last time I'd called she was on vacation with Melissa. Those two were still going strong after all these years; it always made me smile knowing how happy our mom was.

"Of course. They got home from their trip last week and when I called her this morning she said they were leaving in a couple hours."

Where Kristen lived was just about a five-hour drive from my mom and Melissa's place (previously known as our home). My mother was hopeless as a driver but Melissa was more than capable.

"Great. Is anyone else coming?" Derek asked.

"Greg's parents and older brothers are getting here tomorrow and I called Rebecca to confirm that she and the kids will be getting here tonight, around the time mom gets here."

Hearing Rebecca's name sparked my curiosity. Despite our once a month conversations she'd neglected to mention anything about Barry. I was glad in a way because that likely meant they were working on their marriage. But there was a part of me that always hated the idea of Barry being with someone.

Guess it was my own fault; he offered me a chance at something and I ran away like scared kid.

"Oh, just them?" I asked.

Kristen and Derek both turned their heads to look at me. Kristen asked, "Why?"

"No reason," I said, a little too quickly.

"Yeah, right," Kristen snorted. "Anyone with eyes and ears can tell you want to know about The-One-Who-Shall-Not-Be-Mentioned-In-Your-Presence. Yes, just them as far as I know. If he's coming along I have no idea but I won't be kicking him out of the house."

"I don't expect you to," I told her truthfully. I would never ask my sister to do something so rude. If Barry ended up coming then I would deal with being around him but if I couldn't then I would take the initiative and leave; I wouldn't want to put anyone out. "I'll deal with it."

"You'd better. You need to focus on your happiness, Tony."

"Yeah, Kris, I know." And believe me, I did know.

The best part about spending Christmas around family? The stories everyone told about what happened during the year. Everyone had his or her own tale and each one was more interesting than the last.

Currently, there were fourteen people seated around Kristen and Greg's huge dining table. I was seated next to Kristen and Greg – who had come home the following evening just after we'd finished our talk – and Derek was across the table. My mother and Melissa were seated on Derek's right and Greg's parents, Joseph and Marie, were seated on their grandson's left. Rebecca was at the end of the table with Frankie and Izzy. The other three members of our family were Greg's older brothers, Simon, Lyle, and Frank.

Everyone was paying attention to the story Simon – a war veteran – was weaving about one of his ex-boyfriends dressed as Santa when we heard a voice call Kristen's name.

"Excuse me guys," she said before she went out into the hall to see who it was.

I was so wrapped up in Simon's tale that I hadn't registered Kristen calling after me until Greg's nudged me with his elbow. "What?"

"Kris wants you," he gestured to the hall.

"Oh, sorry. Excuse me everyone." I pushed back the chair and walked out of the dining room, leaving behind the loud laughter. The living room was packed with presents of all sizes that had spilled out into the hall so I had to step around them. "Yeah, Kris," I said as I approached the door.

My sister stepped aside and I swallowed my tongue. "Barry."

His blue eyes sparkled and his mouth curved into a smile. "Hey, T. Did you miss me?"

Unable to find any words to say I looked up at my sister in hopes that she could help.

Kristen chuckled and allowed Barry to step inside the house before she shut the door. "You're on your own bro." She giggled and took off for the dining room.

I sighed wearily. It seemed that every time I was left alone with Barry I was either incredibly aroused or incredibly tired. Whenever it was a combination of you, it meant something was about to go down. My dick decided to use that moment to perk up and second my thoughts. "What are you doing here Barry?"

"Aren't you happy to see me?" He feigned being hurt.

I had to resist the urge to smack his arm playfully. I'd finally accepted the fact that I was in love with Barry the night before. Of course, Rebecca had helped me out quite a bit.

"Tony, it's been six months so I figure you've had enough time to get your shit together." Rebecca had cone upstairs to my room and locked the door behind her. She'd taken a seat next to me on the floor by my bed and started talking. "I've been saying that to Barry for the last ten years and I really hoped I wouldn't have to be doing it again."

"What are you talking about?"

"I'm talking about the fact that you're so fucking dense you don't realize that Barry is in love with you. Or, maybe you know but you don't want to acknowledge it because you're afraid I'll be hurt or something. Give me a break."

I'd gotten up off the ground and started walking for the door. "I'm not going to listen to you justify his actions, Rebecca."

Before I knew it I'd been face-down on the carpet with Rebecca holding my arms down. We were the same height and I had only about twenty extra pounds on her so her physical capabilities hadn't shocked me. What she said, however, did.

"I'm not in love with Barry. I married him back when I wanted to be with someone who refused to divorce his wife for me, even though he let me believe that he loved me as much as I did him." Rebecca had rolled off my back to lay on her own. "Betty told me how Barry was one phone call away from leaving his dream behind to go back to Cincinnati and be with you. She was so worried about him and about you because she knew you wanted to be a teacher."

I'd rolled over and joined her in staring up at the plain white ceiling. "I already heard this from Barry. I didn't want to believe him."

"Were you that unconvinced that your feelings were returned? For years all I could tell Barry was how he just had to talk to you and that would solve everything. We never knew you would get involved with Todd so deeply."

I'd sighed. "I hadn't either. A part of me always wished Barry would realize my feelings sooner or later and sweep me off my feet.'

Rebecca had chuckled. "Well, you have that chance. He hasn't given up. He's been planning how to woo you for the last few months." She'd turned to her side and propped her head up to look down at me. "If it makes you that much more ready to accept this, he and I aren't married anymore. The papers went through last week so now I am officially Rebecca Hollis again."

I'd flipped and hugged her tightly to my chest. "Thank you. Hearing this from you made things much more believable."

"You've wasted enough time, Tony. It's time to stop pushing and start pulling. Hang onto him as tightly as you possibly can."

I blinked back tears at the memory and folded my arms over my chest. "You could've told me you were coming."

"You wouldn't have answered the phone." Barry shrugged out of his leather jacket and tossed it toward the living room.

I stepped toward him, unable to stop the smile that was spreading on my face. "You could've emailed.'

"You blocked my address," he said incredulously. Once he was a few inches away from me, Barry reached out and tucked a lock of my hair behind my ear. "I take it this means you're done running?"

I stepped right up to him and wrapped my arms around his waist. My hands ran along his back as I reveled in his warmth and strength. "Ask me in the morning."

One of his arms curled around my waist to hold me against him while his other hand went to my chin to tip my face up. "Where is everyone?"

"Dining room," I said quietly. His breath blew across my lips and I shivered against him. I moved my arms up to his shoulders and dug my fingers in ever so slightly.

"Good, I'd rather not have an audience." His thumb rubbed across my bottom lip as he nibbled on his own.

I could help it; I stuck my tongue out and licked across the pad of his finger. "Why?" I asked breathlessly when Barry pushed me toward the wall and ground his insistent hard-on into my stomach.

"I don't want anyone to see me molesting you." His voice had that husky cadence that made my cock so hard it hurt. Barry held my chin tighter and leant down, brushing his lips across mine.

The tiny tendrils of passion that wound through me as the intensity of the kiss grew made me whimper. My fingers dug into his shoulders and I just barely resisted the urge to jump him and wrap my legs around his large frame.

Barry's tongue pushed past my lips and practically flew down my throat as he held me as tightly as he could without cutting off circulation. He was grinding his cock against my stomach and the growls that left him reminded me of a wild animal.

I liked it.

"Oh, my god, where can I get me a man like that?"

I pulled away from Barry's lips with a gasp.

Barry pressed our foreheads together. The hand at my waist held me tighter. His voice, when he spoke, was nothing short of a growl. "I thought you said they were in the dining room?"

I looked over at Simon who was leaning against the archway, practically drooling. "They were," I said quietly. I ran a soothing hand across the nape of his neck.

Simon scoffed. "Oh, please. Everyone could hear what was going on out here." I felt my skin heat when Simon let out a whimper. "It was pretty hot."

"Oh, God. The kids too?"

Simon shook his head. "Nah. Kristen sent them off to the backyard to play once they she came back. Something about sparing their innocence." His eyes roamed Barry's frame. "I can see what she meant."

As embarrassed as I was, I couldn't help holding Barry tighter. I nuzzled my face into his neck, inhaling his subtle cologne. "I wonder what my mother is thinking."

Barry ran a hand through my hair. "Hopefully she doesn't hurt me for mauling her son before telling her Merry Christmas."

Simon chuckled. "Come on, you love birds. It's time for our feast."

Barry reluctantly pulled away from me. He cupped my cheek in one hand before he pressed a kiss to my lips.

Barry

I stepped into the dining room, fighting the urge to blush when a dozen smirking smiles came my way. I squeezed T's side. "Have I done something bad?"

T's mother pushed back her chair and walked toward us. She smiled affectionately at her son before she smacked the side of my head. " _Au contraire_ , darling. I'm happy you've taken your head out of your ass but you've cause my boy a lot of distress." She wagged her finger before my eyes, reminding me of the annoying way my mother always did that when I was younger. "I don't know if I can let you off the hook just yet."

"Mom." T fidgeted next to me. One of his hands lifted and his fingers curled around my bicep. "Can you cool it?"

"Don't ask me to do that young man! Anyone with eyes could see how you pined after Barry. Had it not been for Rebecca you two would never have made it this far."

I laid my own hand over T's and pressed a light kiss to his temple. "It's okay. I understand." I turned my eyes to my future mother-in-law and gave her my most sincere smile. "I truly am sorry for all the pain I've caused him. I would take it all back in a heartbeat if I could. All we can do now is move forward and I'd like nothing more than your blessing to do that with T."

She stood there for a moment, just contemplating me. Her narrowed amber eyes softened and she pulled us in for a hug. "I'm glad you've worked it all out."

"Mom, we haven't," T said against her shoulder.

"He's right, Mrs. McCoy. I actually wanted to take him upstairs and sort the rest out right now," I said as she pulled back.

T's mother blushed and looked around at the table for aid.

Melissa pushed back her chair and came to stand next to her, wrapping her arms around the shorter woman's shoulders. "It's good to see you again, Barrington." She smiled at me.

It had literally been ten years since I'd last seen Melissa Jones, but the woman was still as gorgeous as ever. Her once straight shoulder length black hair was cut short now, and curly. Her dark eyes were still as warm and inviting as they had been.

I returned her smile with my own. "Thank you. It's nice to see you too, Ms. Jones."

She lifted a hand and made a gesture. "Please, call me Melissa."

"I will if you call me Barry," I chuckled.

She seemed to contemplate for a moment before she grinned and saluted me. "Deal." She kissed T's mom's temple softly before she ushered her from the room. "Good night everyone," she called over her shoulder.

I looked down at T. "You okay baby?"

He nodded briskly against my shoulder. When he tipped his head back and smiled up at me I swore the earth stood still for a moment. "I'm great. I love seeing how calm Mel makes my mom."

When I thought about it, T had a point. Ever since his mother had begun her relationship with the dark-skinned woman she's coped with her husbands death a lot better than before. She went back to working at the gardening store like she'd always loved once Kristen had graduated and she was a lot less anxious.

Kristen's hand landed on my shoulder. "We'll, Mr. Kirk, seeing as you'll be sleeping over I should introduce you to the gang." She led us -well, me - over to the dining table where everyone else was seated.

Rebecca was at the end of the table. I wondered where the kids were. She smiled at me. "They're outside." She gestured to the glass back door that led to the beautiful backyard.

As soon as I saw Izzy on the swing, and Frankie engaged in a seemingly meaningful conversation with Derek, my rising anxiety faltered. They were doing just fine apparently.

Kristen motioned to her husband, Greg and we shook hands. I hadn't seen him in a long time and his hair had gotten thinner since that last meeting. He wore glasses now, too. "Good to see you man," he grinned.

I nodded, smiling. "Same here."

"Barry, you remember Joseph and Marie Nichols, Gary's parents."

I shook both their hands. "Nice to see you again." My attention was drawn away for a moment when T patted my cheek and went off into another room with Gary.

I turned to Kristen. "Everything okay?"

She smiled. "Yeah. He's just giving you space to meet everyone and get acquainted."

After that met Gary's three older brothers, the eldest of which had been the one to catch T and I near coitus. Turned out that Simon and Lyle, the eldest boys, were both gay which explained why Gary's parents didn't dislike T; they were very okay with their sons' sexualities.

I noticed the glances Rebecca and Frank were exchanging during the introduction and made a mental note to interrogate her at some point.

"So what do you do for a living, gentlemen?"

Simon was the first to speak. "I'm a tattoo artist." He shrugged off his blazer to reveal both his heavily muscled arms covered in dozens of multi-colluded ink. "I did all these myself."

They were really beautiful, especially the one of the koi fish that curled around his right forearm. "Good work. Does that mean I can call you when I want mine done?"

His dark eyes brightened at my question. Ah, a man who genuinely loved what he did. "For sure. I'll give you my contact info before we go back home."

"Well if you're done talking about body modification, Simon, let the smart guys converse." Lyle playfully punched his brother's arm. "I'm a psychiatrist. I used to work with prisoners for a few years until I decided that they were a bit too hardcore for me. Been dealing with psych evaluations for hospitals lately."

"Oh. So, you're kind of a freelance psych then?" I asked with a grin.

Lyle smirked. "You could say that."

Frank, the youngest of the three and seemingly the shyest, turned his eyes to me. "I'm a doctor. Gynecologist, actually."

I watched Rebecca try and bite her lip as sneakily as she could. "That's great. You three sound pretty stable."

"We are," Simon said. "We were taught that it was best to situate yourself before settling down. That way, once you meet the right person, you could focus on the relationship instead of the stress of housing or economic collapse."

"Sounds like you heard that from a very wise person."

Simon looked toward his parents who were engrossed in their own conversation. Marie had her small hand on Joseph's face and you could practically feel the love emanating from them. "You could say that, yeah." He looked at me again. "What about you?"

"I'm an attorney. I mostly deal with copyright stuff and consuming but I'm a licensed public defender."

Impressed, Lyle leaned forward. "That's fascinating. I've always wondered how similar our professions are."

"Very, if you consider mental manipulation similar."

Luke's grin could only be described as pure evil and I couldn't help chuckling.

"It was nice meeting you all but I need to go find my love."

A chorus of good evenings and good nights followed me from the doing room. I went out into the living area but there was no sign of T.

I turned toward the stairs just in time to see Greg descending them.

He smiled at me and gestured. "Last door on the left. Every room in the house is soundproofed so knock yourself out."

I bounded up the stairs and was walking down the hall in seconds. I lifted my hand to knock on the door at the end of the hall but thought against it. Better to surprise him, I thought.

I unread the knob and pushed open the door, stepping inside the cooled room. The first thing I noticed was the queen-sized bed pushed against a wall and the light witness of the space. The next thing I saw made me swallow my tongue.

T was exiting what appeared to be the bathroom through a door opposite the bed. He had a towel wrapped around his waist and he was humming a light tune.

His eyes sparkled when he looked up and saw me. "Hey, babe. Is everything okay?"

I pushed the door closed, making sure it was locked, before I gave my best predatory grin and sauntered over to him.

T's eyes widened ever so slightly before they darkened. "I take that as a yes."

I reached for him and sealed our lips together, reveling in the sweet taste of choose mingling with wine. I reached down and pushed the fowl from him so his naked body was pressed against my clothes.

T whimpered into my mouth and I swallowed down the needy sound. His hand went to the gem of my shirt which he held tightly and pulled upward.

I groaned in frustration at having to pull away for him to remove the offending material.

"All in good time," he said playfully.

I'd never seen this side of T, with him being so open and I afraid. I really liked it. "Let's see what you say when I take my time pounding into you." I reached down and helped him I bottom and remove my jeans. I wasn't wearing any underwear and my erection slapped against my lower stomach.

T licked his lips, staring at my stiff member. "Oh, no. That couldn't work." He slid to his knees and looked up at me through his lashes. "I'd be way to needy." His fingers wrapped around my flesh before he covered it with his mouth.

I gasped at the heat that surrounded me and lifted a hand to wind my fingers through his hair. I didn't push him, just wanted to maintain contact. When I felt T's tongue probe at my slit I released a less than manly whimper, fighting off my orgasm with every fiber of my being.

I was loath to stop him, but I had to get inside him before I found release. I had to make T feel as good, if not better, than I did.

I reached down and pulled him off my cock.

His mouth slid off with a 'pop', his eyes half-closed and the smile on his face making him incredibly sexy.

I practically threw him onto the bed and crawled over him, settling between his parted thighs. "Are you sure you're ready for this?" I was giving him the chance to back out if he wasn't prepared for whatever was to come. As much as it would've pained me, if he decided that he wanted to stop right there, I would've respected his wishes.

T's response came in the form of him arching up and grinding our hard cocks together until my eyes almost crossed from the pleasure. "Fuck me," he moaned aloud.

My heart pounded in my chest as I wrapped my fingers around the backs of his thighs and pushed them toward his chest.

"What are you doing?" A harsh groan left him when I flicked my tongue across his entrance. T writhed on the bed, grabbing at the sheets and my hair and holding me to him as my to the did wicked things to him.

I savored the clean taste of his skin, taking the occasional nip out of his creamy ass cheeks that drew surprises gasps from him. I laced his entrance, making sure it was good and wet before I palmed my cock and placed it against his hole. "T, despite everything I've ready, I want to take you without a barrier. I've never done that before. Do you trust me?" I'd only had sex with one guy a few years back, to figure out if what I'd been feeling for T was just a fluke. It turned out the guy had done nothing for me and neither had the subsequent females. I'd used protection with every single one of them, deciding that on the off chance T and I did get to this point that I was good and healthy for him.

T reached up and placed his palm flat on my chest, where my heart was pounding inside my rib cage. "I've never done that either. I was always too scared with the risk of everything going around. But I'm not scared with you." He leaned up and kissed me. "I love you."

Tears prickled the corners of my eyes at his words. I took a calming breath and pressed against his entrance. Spit wasn't exactly the best lubricant for barebacking and I was doing my best to make sure T wasn't in any pain.

He wrapped his arms around my shoulder as I leaned down, panting against my ear. "Barry, move. Please," he whimpered once I'd bottomed out.

I turned my head and kissed the corner of his lips as I pulled my hips back, enough that only the head of cock remained. I slammed forward, eliciting a deep groan form T.

He threw his head back, his throat and ass muscles working with each thrust.

Close already from his blowjob, I clenched my jaw and willed my balls not to empty before I got him off. But, with the way his muscles were massaging me and how good his tight heat felt, I wouldn't last much longer.

I moved a hand from his hip and wrapped his around his cock as I moved, jacking him off. "Look at me, T."

T's head lifted. His mouth hung open to allow his whimpers and groans to escape. His rich eyes bore into my own, seemingly staring into very soul.

I was a goner. "I love you."

Tears slipped from his eyes and his back bowed as thick roles of sticky cum flew from his slit and covered my hand and parts of his torso.

His ass clenched around my cock, squeezing my release from me. I moaned his name with each pulse of my release into his channel, feeling as if my head had just been blown off.

I collapsed on top of him, our heavy breath mingling as I pressed my cheek to his.

T wrapped his arms around my neck and sniffles. "Oh, God Barry. That was amazing."

I smiled at the praise, pleased with the fact that I'd made him more than happy. "My sentiments exactly baby. Am I too heavy?"

T's chest rumbled. "Mm, no. You're perfect."

I almost purred when his fingers carded through my hair. "That's nice." We laid there in each other's arms, savoring our closeness.

"Are you going to cut it?" he asked after a few moments of silence.

I propped myself up on my elbows and stared down into his flushed face. "Do you want me to?" I reached a hand up and cupped his jaw.

T's smile was one of pure contentment. "No. It suits you." His eyes gleamed mischievously and he rolled his hips.

The movement pulled my half-softened cock further inside him. "Ready for round two already?"

"Bring it on Kirk," he teased. He leaned up and fused our lips, biting down on my lower lips until I groaned. "I love you."

I could see the sincerity in his eyes and I increased my desire for him. It was humbling, knowing how much someone could care for you. And when you cared as much - if not more - about that person as well, it was life altering.

"I love you too, T," I answered quietly. "So much." I wrapped my arms around his back and flipped us so he was above me.

His hands landed on my pecs and squeezed. "You're ripped."

"Years of practice baby." I rolled my hips upward.

Our groans were simultaneous. T's channel gripped me like a vise and it was difficult to make love to him as slowly as I wanted when he was so tempting.

I moved one hand to his hips and held him still. "Slow, T. Want to savor this."

Our eyes met for a moment before T nodded and leaned forward to drape himself over my chest.

I wrapped my arms around him as tightly as I could without choking him before I began thrusting.

We more together slowly, each motion causing our arousal to skyrocket. It was already pleasurable just being inside him and hearing the needy sounds he made. But, when he tipped his head back and smiled at me I lost it.

I don't remember reaching down to help him reach his climax. I remember a sharp gasp leaving him and then his muscles were squeezing my own release from me.

By the time we were done neither of us could move. Then again, moving equated to me letting to of T and I wasn't ready to do that just yet.

I pushed down the sheets and tucked T beneath them.

He turned to his side and wrapped an arm over my waist, humming softly.

A wide grin appeared on my face. I wrapped myself around him, murmuring quietly.

## Epilogue

January 2014

Tony

Waking up to bright sunlight shining in through my bedroom window had always been rather unpleasant. I hated warmth, always preferring the cold. But, what could've been better than being pressed against the hottest, hardest body around?

I was lying on my side, half on top of Barry. He was staring up at the ceiling as his fingers drew circles all over my back. "Morning."

He turned his head to look down at me. "Morning babe." The arm he had around my shoulders drew me closer. "How'd you sleep?"

"Like a baby," I said with a happy sigh. I burrowed into his neck, breathing in the scent of his skin. "A little sore but other than that I'm great."

Barry chuckled. "Sorry about that. I can't seem to keep my hands off of you." He emphasized his point by moving his hand downward to my ass cheek, which he promptly squeezed. "See what I mean?"

My giggle couldn't have been helped. My body moved of its own accord, pushing into his hand. "Yes that I do."

We'd been having this exact same conversation for the last three weeks. After our magical night together (because really, that's what it had felt like to me), we'd fallen asleep and woken up in each other's arms. The affection I'd seen in Barry's eyes when I woke up Christmas morning had been enough to render me speechless.

After so much time without him, it had felt so surreal to actually be naked with him and have the memory of our heartfelt declarations.

Barry's grin had made my heart flutter in my chest, and then he'd leaned down and kissed me gently before saying, "Merry Christmas, T."

To say I'd started grinning like an idiot would've been a gross understatement. We didn't have sex again that morning. Instead, Barry had left me in bed and went downstairs to make us breakfast. After we'd finished eating We went downstairs to Greg everyone and exchange presents.

Kristen and Gary's house was large enough that it held five nicely sized bedrooms. Barry and I had slept in my room, Kristen and Gary of course had their own, Derek and Frankie were sharing for the rest of the holiday, Rebecca and Izzy had another room for themselves, and my mom and Melissa had their own.

Gary's parents lived close so they drove over every day and his brothers were staying in the city.

Overall, everything had worked out perfectly fine. I had Barry and Rebecca seemed to be developing something with Gary's brother, Frank.

Everyone had either bought or made something to give to someone else, and the gifts had been rather touching. Simon, Lyle, and Frank had pooled and gotten Gary and Kristen brand new stuff for the baby's room. She wasn't due for another five months so they'd gotten all the colored pieces in neutral shades since they didn't know the baby's gender. Gary and Kristen in turn had gotten each man engraved designer watches which they all seemed to genuinely adore.

When it had come time for my mother's gifts, she had given Kristen more baby books to replace the old ones and she'd made a quilt from my and Kristen's old blankets for the new baby. For me she had an envelope, which, when I opened it, I realized was a check.

When I'd asked her why she's written a check for so much money she'd merely kissed my cheek and said, "Now you can go back to school and get your Doctorate."

I'd taken the gift and had to fight back the tears. There'd been no luck however; after her gift came Barry's and let's just say his present had made them flow rather freely.

I ruffled the hair on his head. "What's the plan for today?"

Barry shrugged. "I guess we to check out the houses around and figure out what to put an offer on."

"But I don't want you spending money on me," I argued.

Barry gripped my chin and tilted my face up to his. "Baby, I love you. I hate having money and no one to spend it on. The kids already have everything they need; just let me take care of you."

"But houses are so expensive."

His lips curved into a smile before he kissed me soundly. "Yes, but I have money to spend. And I want to own a house finally. I'm tired of paying rent."

"Are you sure you're okay doing this?"

"Of course I am. I want to begin my life with you, T. No bullshitting this time."

I settled against his chest and sighed. "Okay, Barry. I give in."

"Have you decided yet?" Kristen asked. She handed me a set of clean dishes and utensils.

I went to the dining table and laid them out. "Well, the real estate agent showed us three incredible houses, two of which had back doors that led right out to the beach. I'm kinda interested in the one closest here but Barry wants to close on the one in LA." Honestly I would've been happy closing on any of the two beach houses. They were a little above our initial price tag but, after much prodding from Barry, I'd given in and allowed the agent to show them to us. If Barry really wanted to live in LA I wouldn't mind. All I cared about was that we'd be together.

"Well, you'll figure it out soon enough. Did she say when you have to make your decision?" Kristen came over to the table and set down two baskets of garlic bread in the center.

I shook my head. "The house in LA is empty and everyone who was interested ducked out because the owners wouldn't budge on the price. The other two are occupied until an offer is finalized."

"Okay, awesome. I think you his should move to LA, though. I mean, with you going back to school this fall, finding a teaching a teaching job at a high school for a gay teacher should be a breeze there."

I couldn't help my smile. "You have a point, even if you're being overly stereotypical."

"Whatever," Kristen laughed. She looked at her watch. "The boys are just about home. We should go check on the lasagna." Barry and Gary had driven to Derek's school to pick him up. They were buying groceries on their way home and I'd specifically told Barry to pick up ice cream.

I went with her into the kitchen and helped remove the bubbling food from the oven. We transferred them to the table before we removed our aprons and threw them over the island.

We heard laughter coming from the hall when we turned back to the table. Barry and Gary entered the dining room with groceries bags which thy placed on the countertop.

Gary went to his wife and hugged her tightly, dropping a kiss on her cheek before he knelt and pressed his ear against her stomach. "How's my little Chase doing?" They'd decided on one name for the baby, whether it ended up being another boy or a girl.

I was smiling at them when Barry came over to me and wrapped his arms around my waist. "Hey babe."

"Hey to you too," he chuckled. He held my jaw and turned my head so he could kiss me.

I held onto the hand at my waist and suppressed my moan. I didn't really need my baby sister hearing how Barry affected me. "Mm, I missed you."

"Missed you more," he said quietly. When he pulled back, Kristen and Gary were grinning at us. "What?" he asked.

Kristen's face lit up like the Fourth of July. "You two are so adorable together." Her eyes drifted to our left hands. "I'm really glad you guys have worked it all out."

I twiddled the platinum hand on Barry's finger, feeling a smile curve my lips. "Yeah, I am too."

Barry nuzzled my hair. "Same here, kiddo, same here."

When Barry and Gary went to wash their hands Kristen sidled up close to me. "Are you happy?"

I was grinning when I turned to look at her. She looked so much like I did, and her amber eyes were sparkling. "More than I can say, Jellybean."

Her cheeks reddened at my nickname. "I'm not a kid anymore, Scooter."

I pulled her close for a hug. "Of course you're not, Kris. But no matter how old you get, you'll always be my Jellybean."

"And you'll always be Scooter to me, Tony," she said, teary-eyed.

I kissed her cheek and we set to sharing the lasagna. Gary was a vegetarian so we'd made one especially for him. Barry, of course, took heaping shares of the food and eyed me daringly the entire time.

I just shook my head at the childish way he talked to Gary with his mouth full at times. Every time I looked at Barry I felt my chest tighten and my eyes fill with tears. I'd never imagined that we'd ever get to this point in our lives.

Here we were having dinner with my sister and her husband while my engagement ring seemed to burn through my finger. Any guilt I may have retained at being with Barry was completely gone now. Rebecca and the kids were back in New York. Frankie was going to be moving in with us once high school started and Izzy would stay with Rebecca for another two years.

As for Rebecca? Well, the last time she and I spoke she'd told me that things with Gary's brother, Frank, were heating up. I was genuinely happy for her. She deserved happiness for watching out for Barry, and me, for all those years. She had definitely earned the spot of Best Girl Friend of the Year in my book.

My mom and Melissa planned to visit us as much as possible once we closed on our new house and moved in and, last I checked, Barry had a standing appointment to visit Simon at his tattoo shop.

"You okay babe?" I looked up to meet Barry's warm eyes across the table. "You haven't eaten a bit in almost ten minutes."

I smiled. I had to remember to fill him in later on what had distracted me. "Yeah, Barry. I'm doing just fine."

March 2014

Barry

Watching T try to make something of the painting I bought for the walls was a sight. We'd finished moving our stuff into the beach house that previous weekend, thanks to Gary and Kristen's help. I was still amazed that T had gone with my suggestion to purchase the house in LA; I'd expected him to choose the one in San Jose just because it was closer to Kristen.

Once we were all moved in I made sure to start buying different art pieces. I'd specifically sprung for the antiques. T planned on doing his Doctorate in Archaeological History and the pieces I bought were rare finds from several archaeological digs all over the world.

The paintings were from several galleries in the LGBTQ community in the city, two of which I'd made sure to donate heavily to. It still amazed me how skilled some of the kids who painted the stuff were. But, I'd opted to purchase one specific piece from a college student a few days back.

It was a mural depicting the moment of coitus, decked out with privates on display and all. It was my luck that the painter was an art major who had done pieces like this before. It definitely showed. For some reason, the piece reminded me of myself and T. There was a larger, tanned man holding onto a smaller, pale-skinned man.

When T had come into our room after I hung it up he'd stared at it for a while before he'd launched himself at me. And even his reaction to the erotic painting hadn't been enough to cloud his embarrassment afterwards.

"Baby, you have nothing to be ashamed of. It's a natural thing."

T groaned and flopped down onto the bed. "Tell that to me conscience. Jeez, Barry, where did you get that?"

"From a gallery in the city that exclusively features the works of gay artists. I would've bought a sculpture too but something told me you would've freaked out."

T slapped my chest. "Of course I would've! You're seriously one of the most asinine people I've ever been with."

My hand flew up to my chest and I gasped loudly. "Damn, ouch." I tickled his side. "Isn't that why you love me?"

T rolled onto his side and faced me. "No, Barry. I love you because you're one of the most caring people ever met. I'm so pissed at myself for not realizing how you felt sooner but I can't say it was all for naught." He ran his fingers over my chest as he stared up into my eyes. "We've grown a lot, even though we couldn't do it together."

I placed my hand on his and squeezed. "Now we have the chance to."

T's lips curved into a smile that forced me to lean down and kiss him. It was one of the best feelings in the world, kissing T. Our tongues and breaths mingled and he just felt right in my arms.

"Yes, exactly," he said when we pulled apart. "So, now that were moved in, what do we do?"

"Well," I started, drawing circles over his lower back, "according to our clock it's almost eight so I figure we can take a walk on the beach and see what happens from there."

He nuzzled my neck, his tongue clicking out to run along my Adam's apple. "Mm, that sounds like a damn fine plan, Mr. Kirk."

I shivered when his tongue drew a line up the side of my neck and he but down on my earlobe. "Yeah, I figured you'd say that."

We didn't bother taking a shower before we left the house. The good thing about owning a house right by the beach? You could walk out there anytime you wanted.

I practically yanked T from the house. He was holding a bag with towels and a small basket of sandwiches. "I told you to leave that."

T shook his head and smiled fondly. "If I know how your mind works, and I think I do, then you have something very inappropriate planned. I'd rather not get sand in my bits."

"You're right." I held him tightly as we walked along the shore. "You do know how my mind works."

We walked for about five minutes before we laid down the towels and sat, just staring out at the ocean.

"I never thanked you," he said quietly.

I turned to look at him. This was exactly what I'd said to Rebecca one time when I remembered I'd never thanked her for all her help. "For what baby?"

T's mouth curved into a smile as he continued to stare out at the ocean. "Even though there are probably a million other ways you could've gone about it, the fact remains that you cared about me enough to risk your own happiness for mine."

"Of course I did. I love you," I told him, as that was the most obvious thing in the whole world.

His turned his head and smiled at me. "That's exactly why. Thank you for loving me."

I reached for him and crawled atop him, just looking down into his pretty eyes. "You don't need to thank me for that. I was stupid enough to ignore you for so long. I couldn't stand it anymore."

He reached up, brushed his fingers across my lips. "I know. I love you too."

Tony

I held my breath as Barry's imposing form towered over me. He was everything I'd ever wanted and so much more.

My breath came out as a gasp when Barry leaned down and fused our lips. No matter how many times we kissed he still managed to send chills all through me.

I reached up and grabbed at his shoulders, eager to have him take me again and again. The fact we were in public cell away from me as my thoughts were completely wrapped up around Barry.

He pulled back and reached between us, his hand going straight for my hardened shaft.

I let my head fall back and a moan escaped me when his fingers wrapped around me and started moving. "Barry." His name was said a breathy whisper.

Barry leaned down and mouthed at my neck. "Yeah, baby?" His thumb brushed across my crown and I arched into him. "Talk to me, T."

I gasped when his fingers moved down to my crease. "I feel like I'm losing my mind."

"Why?" His teeth bit down on my ear as he settled himself between my thighs.

My brain short-circuited when his finger ran over my pucker. "Because I don't do this," I whimpered. "I'm usually a top, Barry. You know that. This is new for me."

Barry lifted his head just enough that our eyes met. "T, there's no difference between us sharing our bodies and you being a top or a bottom. If you want in me at any time you just say the word, all right? I don't want you thinking this is going to be one sided."

"Really?" I had to admit, the idea of having a big guy like Barry at my mercy was a rather appealing idea. I mean yeah, Todd never topped me, but the main fact it would be Barry was what really did it for me.

"Of course I would." Barry's finger pushed against my pucker. "But not now. Now I need in you."

I nodded, biting my lip. I found myself pushing down unto his finger and begging him for more.

"Easy, babe," he leaned back down and breathed against my ear. He added another finger and heist them deeply, nailing my gland.

My muscles clamped down on his fingers. "Do that again," I managed.

Barry chuckled. "What? This?" He curled his fingers at just the right angle again and I almost came up off the sand.

"Yes, that," I ground out. "Barry, please."

Barry pulled his fingers free before he leaned back and yanked off my shorts. Good thing I'd opted for the Velcro ones and neglected to put on underwear.

"I'd like nothing more than to lick you right now," he said huskily.

I felt my pulse quicken. "No time. We're in public. Just screw me."

Barry's eyes widened ever so slightly before his lips curved into a mischievous smirk. He reached into the bag and pulled free a tune of lubricant. He squeezed a generous amount into his palm and ribbed it over his turgid shaft. "You want me to line you too or are you too wound for that?"

I arched an eyebrow, silently saying, "What do you think?"

Regardless, Barry thrust two fingers inside me again and spread the remaining lube around before he knelt and pushed in.

I groaned loudly as pain and pleasure mingled and created the most delicious sensation ever. I pushed upward, urging him thrust down.

Barry gripped my hips and stilled me. "Babe, I don't want to hurt you."

In response I tightened my muscles around his cock when it finally breeched the tight ring of muscles. I watched Barry's eyes fall closed and he gritted his teeth. "Shut up and stop worrying."

Barry's jaw clenched. His eyes opened and they were almost completely black, the usually iridescent blue practically gone. His fingers dug into my hips and he pulled me down as he thrust forward.

The way he stretched me and the way the head of cock grazed my gland made me shudder and reach for him. I pulled him down, holding him against my chest as his thrusts grew in strength.

I was gasping every other thrust, when he moved his hips in just the right way to hit my gland again and again. I felt close to the eve and I reached down to stroke my leaking hard-on.

"You close babe?" Barry panted against my cheek.

I nodded, gasping for breath as I tightened around him and chased after my release. "Yes... Oh! Barry!" I shouted, my head flung back as thick ropes flew across my torso up to the tip of my him.

My muscles tightening around Barry seemed to do him in. He bottomed out and groaned just before I felt the intense heat of his release bathing my channel. He collapsed on top of me, breathing heavily against my neck.

I raised shaky hands and wrapped them around his shoulders.

Barry leaned up slowly to lick the release off my chin before licking into my mouth.

I moaned around his tongue at the taste of myself and held him tighter. We laid there just kissing for a while before Barry pulled back to let me breathe.

"You're okay right?"

"As long as you're here? I'm great."

"Good," he said, grinning. He laid his head on my chest and listened to my heartbeat as it calmed.

I wound my fingers through his hair, feeling my throat tighten. I doubted I'd ever get used to the idea of us together but there was no way I would ever take it for granted.

In the blink of an eye, everything in my life had shifted and changed. Some were for the better while others had been less than pleasant. But the one thing that remained was Barry. He had always been here, even when he'd worked to stay away. And I knew with everything I had that he wasn't going anywhere.

I made a mental note to take a trip to Simon myself. It seemed a good plan for Barry's birthday.

END.

## Author's Note

I really hope you enjoyed this book. If you did (or have suggestions on how I can make my writing better) please, feel free to email me at ajdixonwriting@gmail.com.

Thank you so much. Continue to spread love and joy to those around you.
