>>Hello, and welcome.
  This is Policy of Madness, and today
we're going to be playing Baldur's Gate.
As you can see, Baldur's Gate is being
played in the TuTu engine.
This is actually an older version of TuTu,
I tried to install the newer version, and it
didn't work.
Don't know why, just gave me a
strange error.
I created a character earlier.
Took me a long time to roll this up.
And this is the reason why it took me
so long.
These stats are amazing!
It took me about two or two-and-a-half hours
to do this, just rolling over and over
didn't bother to record that.
I needed about ninety points
and I believe this is ninety-four points.
I just, I got lucky at one point.
It's pretty awesome.
So we're going to be playing a sorcerer, a
lawful neutral elf.
This is why we're playing it in TuTu.
I've picked two spells, Armor and Magic
Missile,
and for weapon proficiencies
we're using Quarterstaff.
>>(character laughs)
>>And that's going to be our sound effect.
And yes, we are going to be named Skywarp.
Why?  Well, why not?
>>Narrator: (reads the text on the screen)
>>For some reason I never get music
during these
and I don't know why.
So I'm twenty years old, but I have chores.
Okay.
So, 'what gold he can spare' is apparently
twenty gold.
And it looks like it imported an extra
quarterstaff
but that's unnecessary.
Quarterstaff doesn't actually appear there
until we remove it and re-equip it.
>>Skywarp: Nothing to it!
>>And we have absolutely no spells.
So let's fix that.
>>Skywarp: Whatever you want.
>>Winthrop: My 'otel's as clean
as an elven arse!
>>I wonder how he knows how clean an elven
arse is.
Of course it doesn't make any difference
which one we pick here.
We just want to get into his
screen, where we can do this.
And now we have spells.
Kinda lame that it won't actually give you
spells until you rest.
>>Firebead Elvenhair: S'hard to find decent
folk nowadays.
>>And this guy's looking for his Identify
scroll.
>>Skywarp: If you say so.
>>These early quests are
really standard.
I don't think I can get into this one.
Yeah.
My ability to
break open locks is twenty.
Apparently just not good enough.
I have no hope of getting into that one.
And I don't think I can get into this one
either,
but this guy will call the
guard if you do manage it.
I've discovered that with other lockpicking
characters.
He'll call the guard on you.
Anyway.
>>Skywarp: Of course.
Skywarp: If that's what you want.
>>This is Baldur's Gate TuTu, because, well,
I just like it.
>>Phlydia: Hallo there!
>>Here's Phlydia, she wants her book.
Baldur's Gate Enhanced Edition doesn't
exist.
Actually, it might exist, I honestly don't
know if it's been released yet.
This is actually going to be a solo game.
I'm not going to allow anyone into my party.
And, also, it is a no-reload game.
And that's the reason why I spent two-and-
a-half hours getting insanely good stats.
Look, I already have a Lore of eleven.
I'm gonna need these.
And this is our first battle.
It might actually kill us.
We'll find out.
>>Shank: Hello.
>>Fun fact, if you attack this guy before he
talks to you, you get like
I think it's like twenty experience and
it doesn't actually lower your reputation,
thank goodness.
Doesn't matter.
We'll just be rude to him.
>>Shank: I'll crush your face, I will.
Make you dead and done.
>>Oh, that's it.
That was a good roll, I think he has five
hit points.
Yep.
S'good roll.
So, yeah, this is gonna be a no-reload game.
And that's why I needed crazy stats.
And, as a consequence, I am going to be
cheesing quite a bit.
>>Parda: Hmmm?
>>My first act of cheese, of course,
was rolling up these crazy stats.
Parda, talking to us.
We don't wanna act like a wilting violet
here, so
Parda, just go away.
Gorion is desperate for me to be off.
>>Skywarp: Is that all?
>>Dreppin: Whaddya need?
>>Dreppin.  Phlydia's left her book here.
And he has something he wants us to do, too.
This of course is what people do on the
Sword Coast, is they run quests.
These are just FedEx quests.
>>Phlydia: Hallo there!
>>In exchange for her book, she gave us a
lynx eye gem, worth I believe seven gold
and fifty experience.
Killing what's-his-name gave us
twenty experience.
I thought we got more than that.
Oh well.
>>Skywarp: Nothing to it!
>>Winthrop: My 'otel's as clean as
an elven arse!
>>Yeah, okay, whatever.
While we're here
we're going to
get some
quarrel, ah, crossbow quarrels.
Because we'll need those shortly.
>>Skywarp: Whatever you want.
>>So, Baldur's Gate.
I've played this game probably twenty or
twenty-five times.
This game is like a
comfortable coat.
>>Dreppin: Whaddya need?
>>Dreppin wants an antidote, and we can get
it off Hull.
Maybe.
It's like an old coat, which has maybe not
held up very well.
Little threadbare.
Kind of unstylish.
Definitely not the latest fashion.
But you just put it on and feel warm
right away.
This is one of my go-to games for whenever
I am having issues.
The other one being Final Fantasy VII.
What do you mean, I can't save at this time?
That's bullshit.
>>Reevor: By Moradin's hammer!
>>Yeah, okay, whatever.
>>Skywarp: Just ask.
>>These rats have no attack roll.
I have an attack roll.
You can see the rats are coming after
me, but
they have no attack roll.
Final Fantasy VII, another game that's
great, classic
really, the technology has run away from it.
Just like with this one.
But I still wanna play it sometimes.
Just like this one.
>>Reevor: By Moradin's hammer!
>>Heh, what a dick.
And I believe we have something in here
about how he's a dick.
Yep.
Candlekeep People's Revolutionary Front.
Heh heh heh!
Yeah, he's a dick.
Last time I played Final Fantasy VII,
though, I was just playing it for the story
because I wanted to know what Shinra
was doing at every point in the game.
Oops, I don't wanna talk to him.
But I ended up spending a lot of time
breeding chocobos.
Because, man, breeding chocobos is fun.
It's one of the most fun parts of this,
err that game.
To me anyway.
>>Hull: (yawns)
>>'Hey, kid,' he says, but I'm twenty
years old.
If I were twenty, I wouldn't like to be
called 'kid.'
I just really enjoy that chocobo minigame.
But one of the things I do not enjoy about
this game
is the inventory-
management minigame.
And that's why I'm not going to be
playing it.
Or, at least, not playing it as much as
the game wants me to play it.
I have installed a mod...
>>Gatewarden: Our rules are very strict!
>>Yeah.
'Arsked.'
'I've arsked.'
Obe will have something to say about that.
Ah, what was I saying, oh, I've installed a
mod to give me unlimited item stacking.
And I'll also be cheating in a couple of
items that this game really should have
but doesn't.
Baldur's Gate 2 has them.
This will be a gem bag, a scroll case and
a potion bag.
I will be paying for them, though, I'm not
going to just give them to myself for free.
>>Obe: Wisdom is only possessed by
the learned.
>>Yeah.  'Arsked.'
>>Arkanis: I need a swig of some strong
dwarven ale!
>>This is actually going to give me quite
a bit of experience.
I'm at a hundred-forty-three experience.
I should be over two hundred by the time
I leave here.
Yeah.
>>Skywarp: Hmmm?
>>I have a... ahh...
>>Skywarp: Nothing to it!
>>Oh, I forgot what I was saying.
Heh, doesn't matter.
>>Obe: Wisdom is only possessed by
the learned.
>>He's trying to teach us about combat.
As long as I have infinite item stacking
I might as well use it.
But really this is just free experience.
>>Mordaine: 'Allo!
>>Oh.  Misread that one.
Ah, yes, kobolds.
Everyone loves kobolds, right?
Fun fact, what's-his-name has
a potion of healing.
If I had been injured by that other dude,
that would be really helpful.
I have, in fact, used these guys
to heal me up.
'Cause boy, it's scary when you have only
five hit points
and three of them are missing.
Can't take anything out of here
but you can use what they have!
Tasloi, or however you say these things.
Not very dangerous.
Up to a hundred-seventy-five experience,
maybe I won't get up to
two hundred with this.
Ah, doesn't matter.
>>Skywarp: I'm waiting.
Skywarp: Whatever you want.
>>Hobgoblin: Forward march!
>>These things will give me experience.
There's a story that you stop
getting experience when he stops
describing them, you know, individually.
'I'll create some more illusionary
monsters.'
There are things I've read that say
that these will not give you experience,
but it's not true.
They will.
Oh, hundred-and-eighty.
>>Osprey: Yes, friend?
>>Arkanis: I need a swig of some strong
dwarven ale!
>>Yeah, okay, whatever dude.
Shut up and kill these things.
Oops.
All right.
She's now
pretty much useless.
Okay.
Now the mage is almost without value.
Heh heh!
>>Canderous: Hello there!
>>Which is how mages usually are
in the early game.
>>Obe: Wisdom is only possessed by
the learned.
>>But not I!
>>Hobgoblin: Forward march!
>>All right.
>>Mordaine: 'Allo!
>>Arkanis: I need a swig of some strong
dwarven ale!
>>Heh heh heh, he's running away!
She's got nothing left.
Take that thing out.
All right.
All this illusionary carnage.
C'mon, dude.
Hmm, I don't like that.
Hmm.
There's some kind of option to turn that on.
Like constantly.
>>Hobgoblin: Forward march!
>>I can't find it.
I'll find it later.
I like to have the circles there
like always.
Hey, look that that, Magic Missile.
>>Osprey: Yes, friend?
>>This is a worthless spell if there ever
was one.
What's she got?
No.  Worthless.
>>Arkanis: I need a swig of some strong
dwarven ale!
>>Yeah, okay, whatever dude.
Oh, I am over two hundred experience.
I knew I was gonna get there.
Ah!
Lots of containers in here, none of them
contain anything.
Like, they're all completely empty.
Can't remember if what's-his-name here will
call the guard on you if you loot 'em.
I've come in here with a thief before
and picked a bunch of chests,
can't remember what happened.
It's been a while.
Where is it?
Thought it was feedback.
Oh!  No...
Locator arrows, that's not what
I'm looking for.
Marker?
Oh, there we go, okay.
I knew it existed.
Now he's got his circle.  All is well.
He's probably gonna boot me out here
shortly.
Yeah.  Yep, there he goes.
Okay.
So that was, like fifty free experience.
Get another free thing here.
>>Skywarp: Of course.
>>Priest of Oghma: These walls contain
the world's knowledge.
>>'You need potions?'
Yes!
Thank you!
There's some more potions in here,
but you can't get in there
unless you're really brave, because
he will call the guard.
And here's another fight,
we're not going to go in there yet.
But we will go in there.
We'll be going in there
shortly.
>>Skywarp: Whatever you desire.
>>Fuller: I shoulda joined the army.
>>'A mead-filled night!'
I was just wondering if you could
employ an adventurer.
>>Fuller: I shoulda joined the army.
>>'Little money-grubber.'
He called me a little money-grubber.
Heh!  He's a dick, too.
So here we have Hull's sword.
Long sword.
Fun fact, this sword will not break.
>>Skywarp: Is that all?
>>I was playing a halfling
swashbuckler once,
in another solo game,
and I kept Hull's sword.
Because that sucker will not break.
And you know everything in this game
eventually breaks.
Well, everything metal.
My quarterstaff will never break,
'cause it's just a stick.
>>Hull: (yawns)
>>'Gorion's a fool for trying
to bring you up right.'
Heh heh, 'twerps like you wandering off
with people's swords.'
Yeah.
Everyone in here is just full of crap.
Okay.
We're up to three-hundred-nineteen
experience.
And we'll give Dreppin a potion for his cow.
These quests are...
Oh, I've done them so often.
This game is just so amazing
even if it starts out really slow.
>>Imoen: Heya!  It's me, Imoen!
>>Yes, Imoen.
Shall we be a jerk to her?
We actually have no option
to address her except by
calling her 'little one,' 'child'
or 'child.'
We'll tell her to, ahh
go to the stable.
Nope, she's not been reading
anybody's private letters.
Now we're gonna find that Identify scroll.
Tethtoril, as I recall, will just walk right
up to us as soon as he sees us.
Can't remember if he's walking clockwise
or counter-clockwise.
There he is.
>>Tethtoril: Greetings, young one.
>>Yeah.
'Matter of the greatest urgency.'
We better hurry!
It's a matter of the greatest urgency!
So here's what's-his-name's Identify scroll.
Firebead.
Actually, I think his name was
supposed to have been Firebeard.
And he's waiting for his scroll,
but we're not gonna give it to him.
We're gonna keep it.
>>Winthrop: My 'otel's as clean as
an elven arse!
>>Winthrop won't buy it.
That's okay.
Won't be using those much
but it's nice to have a few.
Whoops.
And now it's night-time!
>>Skywarp: Whatever you want.
>>Yep.  Matter of the greatest urgency.
But we still have time to dick around
all day and all night.
>>Tethtoril: I am very proud of you,
as I'm sure Gorion is.
>>Yeah, okay, whatever.
He's trying to urge us on our way.
The Chanters are not here.
They go inside at night.
That area can get pretty noisy
when they're out.
My mouse, my mouse got stuck there
for a second.
Okay.
Ahh, it's 'cause the battery's getting low.
That's right.
I better change the battery out,
so let's pause it.
'Kay, so now that I have fresh battery...
Oops.
...let's go face our second assassin!
Hey, buddy!
>>Carbos: I have a blade
with your name on it!
>>I don't look so dangerous, apparently.
It's okay.
Before long I'll look plenty dangerous.
This is more cheese you'll be seeing
a lot of from me.
Never stand still, when you're
a solo sorcerer, out in the world alone
and someone's chasing you down
with a knife.
Never stand still.
>>Skywarp: What would you like?
>>Here's Karan.
>>Karan: Something on your mind?
>>Just go away, Karan.
Ahh!
I'm not gonna bother
going through here
but man that little black streak
just drives me crazy.
I will be completely clearing out
every map that I can.
Getting rid of all this
unexplored blackness.
Okay!
So that's all there is to that.
We're done with Candlekeep.
You are going to see me saving, like a lot.
Because, well, we sometimes have
power problems here,
and we definitely don't
want a power outage
to make us have to do all this shit again.
>>If the power does go out I want to replay
as little as possible.
>>Winthrop: My 'otel's as clean
as an elven arse!
>>Yeah, okay, whatever dude.
Okay.
And we are ready to leave Candlekeep.
Oh, that black just drives me crazy.
>>Skywarp: Whatever you want.
>>Tethtoril will give you, I think fifty
experience for handing over his
Identify scroll.
Hilariously he'll say,
'I will take ALL your Identify scrolls,'
as though I had more than one.
And if I did have more than one I'd be
pretty pissed if he was taking them all.
So, let's head out.
>>Gorion: Oh, my child,
I am glad I have found you!
>>He's given us what he can spare,
it was twenty-flipping-gold.
'You may not have enough gold
to purchase all that you could want.'
Yeah, no kidding!
Heh!  Twenty gold!  Heh heh!
>>Gorion: Listen carefully.
If we ever become separated,
it is imperative that you make your way
to the Friendly Arm Inn.
There, you will meet Khalid and Jaheira.
They have long been my friends,
and you can trust them.
>>Not sure why he did that,
I was not injured.
>>Gorion: Let's hurry, child. The night
can only get worse,
so we must find shelter soon.
Don't worry,
I'll explain everything as
soon as there is time.
Wait! There is something wrong.
We are in an ambush. Prepare yourself!
>>Armored Figure: (dialogue recited aloud)
>>Really.  No one will be hurt.
Not even me!
>>Gorion: (dialogue recited aloud)
>>Yeah, Gorion, not dumb.
>>Armored Figure: (dialogue recited aloud)
>>Ogre: Me will crush you!
Crush you to GOO!
>>Gorion: Run, child!  Get out of here!
>>Narrator: (reads the text on the screen)
>>I get no music during these,
and I don't know why.
So the game is definitely pointing us
at the Friendly Arm.
>>Imoen: Heya!  It's me, Imoen!
>>'I'm SO sorry!' she says, okay, whatever.
So.
Flip off.
But, she comes along anyway.
She brings with her two gold,
some useful items,
that we're going to immediately take.
The bow I think will be worth like six gold.
Okay!
And now
we're gonna boot her butt out.
>>Imoen: Huh!  You're a queer fellow.
>>Okay.
>>Skywarp: If you say so.
>>So I think that's it for now.
Later, we will be going
to the Friendly Arm Inn,
but maybe not the way the game
intends us to get there.
This is going to be a solo game,
aahhhhhhhh I
probably will mmmm allow people
into my party from time to time,
for specific purposes.
I'm not really gonna lay out
any rules for that
because there are a couple of people that
I will want to tote around.
One in particular
that I just wanna take back to town.
But nobody's gonna be fighting next to me.
I don't feel sorry just
swiping all their stuff, though.
But we'll see more of that next time.
Later!
