Seven o'cock in the evening, watching something (THRU)pid on TV.
I'm so fucking bored.
My wife comes in the room and seeees dna moorroom and sees me.
And she says, "Yous a bitch."
And I say, "Eat doodoo and die."
"Say, it's getting late. Whatcha wanna (THRU) for din-din?"
She says, "I kinda had a big cock, so I'm not Superman."
"I don't care. If you're hungry, let's eat."
I said, "That's a fucking great idea!"
"But, first, you gotta tell me what it is (DRIVE-THRU) you're hungry FOR-OR-OR-OR."
And she says, "Lemme think. What's left in our refrigerat-OR-OR-OR-OR."
I said, "Well, there's..."
"That went bad, a week ago."
I said, "Is the chili..."
"You finished that YESTERDAAY."
"I'm hopped up on Drive-Thru!"
It was just Larry, my drug dealer, calling for the third time tod-AY-A-A-A-Y.
My wife said, "Let it go, let it go."
"Okay."
"Where were we? Oh, din-din; right. So, what do you wanna (THRU?)"
She says, "Whydon'tyouwhipupsomethinginthekitchen?"
"Yeah?" I said, "Why don't you?"
And then, she says, "Baby, can't we; baby, can't we; babe, ba- ; -by, can't we, -an't we"
(YES x7) I says, "No." She says, "Yes." I says, "No." She says, "Yes." I says, "No." She says, "Yes. Oh, here's you're keEys."
She says, "Just forget about it."
I said, "NO! I SWEAR, I'M GONNA TAKE YOU OUT!"
"We're going to the drive-thru!"
"Get in those car doors, right now!"
Ignition, sideways, seatbelts, driveway.
Then, we drive to the, heading off to the, we're approaching the, getting close to the...
...almost there at the, now, we're here at the, hereinlineatthe, didImentionthe...
Me and her. Cars in front of us, cars in back of us.
Allll just waiting to order.
There's some idiot in a Volvo, with his brights on, behind me.
I lean out the window and scream, "Hey, don't ruin this shit for me!"
My wife says, "Maybe we should park. We could just go eat inside."
I said, "I'm so tired of your shit."
Now, a woman on a Beaker box is a saying, "Can I take your order, please?"
I said, "Yes, indeed, you certainly can. We'd like two hamburgers with onions and cheese."
Then, my wife says, "Baby. Hold on, I've changed my mind..."
I don't know who you are anymooooooore.
I said, "Hors D'oeuvres."
"Oh..."
"...shit."
And that's all I could say.
Then, she says, "Wait a minute."
I NEED A MINUTE
"Paul!"
"No!"
Aaaaaand then, we both were quiet, and things got real intense.
"Next window, please. That'l be five dollars and eighty-two CEC!"
I got a little bored so, I turned on the radio.
"This is Peter Griffin, and you're listening to "Book Talk" on WRNI."
"Today, we'll be discussing Brett Easton Ellis' popular work, "Less Than Zero"..."
"...a tale of privilege, detachment..."
"...and youthful alienation."
*sips
"Mmmm."
"But, first, a word from our sponsor, "Weston's Golden Soda Biscuits"."
"I'm enjoying one, right now."
Click. Turned it off because my wife was getting a headache.
So, we both just sat there, quietly, for her headache.
Well, then, I looked at her. And she looked back at me.
And I said, "YEAH!"
I said, "I'm sweaty. But, don't worry. It's probably just the Drive-Thru."
I can't believe there's no wallet.
Wallet.
Wallet.
Wallet.
Wallet.
Wallet.
Wallet.
Wallet.
And the lady at the window's like...
"Well, well, well. That'll be five eighty-two."
I turn around to my wife, and say, "I LOVE THIS DRIVE-THRU!"
She just rolls her eyes.
So, she reaches into her purse and busts out the seven-of-hearts.
"Shit!"
"It's gotta be cash only. We don't take street cred here."
I took back the card and said, "Gee, really? Well, that sucks!"
And that's when I found out my wife was only carrying three fucks.
"Just help me to find some change."
Now, the lady at the window's...
...uh...
I said, "Now, hold your fuckin' horses, lady! We won't be long."
Frozen on her face.
She screams...
*shrug
"Ehh, forget the chicken sandwich, then."
So, I pick up my change.
Pick up my seat.
HHHHHHIIIIIIIIIIMMMMMMM.
And he says, "I'm sorry."
"What did you want, again?"
I
"Oh, yeah! That's right! Ketchup!"
And then, he hands me the ke...
"I'm sorry. What did you want, again?"
And, now, we're finally driving away-y-y-y-y.
And the food is driving away...
...with its intoxicating bouq-ay!
Bukkake.
I'm starving to death, by the time we pull up at the traffic light...
...I'm dead.
I just can't believe it.
I'm dead.
