- Would you like to discover
how mommy issues affect relationships
and mommy issues psychology
and symptoms?
Hi I'm Antia Boyd.
Founder and creator of the
Magnetize Your Man method.
And first and foremost like,
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juicy videos like this.
Now just like daddy issues,
we also can have mommy issues.
We can have dysfunctional relationships
with our mother
that then translates
into devastating symptoms
and of course relationships
that we carry on into
our dating life with men.
So we're gonna dive into the symptoms
and I'll also tell you
what can you do about it.
So, symptom number one is the fear
to be seen
and getting attention.
So, if you had a narcissistic mother,
who made it all about,
who?
Herself!
She is in love with herself!
And so, what she made sure is that
you give her all the attention, right.
She says,
my daughter, right.
So it's all about her.
She created that.
She's responsible for all of your success.
And so what happens is,
you don't have the right
to separate, right.
You only have the right to belong
and so but what happens,
is you learned like,
never outshine your mom, right.
This is sort of like,
this unspoken agreement.
Because what happens when you do that?
You will be shamed.
You will be guilt tripped, right.
So if you fall into that
particular category.
What's really really
important for you to heal,
by the way, I fall in
to that same category,
is really healing this whole story
inside of yourself when you hear,
Who do you think you are?
Right.
You're so selfish.
And when you feel that inside
of yourself you just say,
I'm Jody Mary.
And I deserve true love.
And I can speak my truth.
And I'm safe and so on, right.
So what's really important
is to unapologetically own your light,
stand in your truth, right,
shine your light,
get attention,
and also know, that attention is safe.
So for you, really important to learn is,
attention is safe!
Okay?
Symptom number two is lack of trust.
So look,
your mom basically, more or less,
abused you at least,
on an emotional level.
So often times,
this happens when she uses you
for her own advancement,
for her own attention.
Again, this is so true
for narcissistic mothers.
And so, what happens
is, you don't trust her.
You don't let her in, right.
And you also don't trust yourself
because remember, she
makes you feel guilty.
And so you ask yourself,
when did I go off, right.
Like, I thought this was okay.
How I think I'm worthy of,
and now I'm not so sure if that's okay,
and if I'm worthy of that.
Because now, I don't
even trust myself anymore
nevermind, trusting other people.
So like of trust,
really super super important.
So for you, if you fall into that category
are really suffering from that
is for the making sure for one
is what you think,
what you say and what
you do is in alignment.
So its really again,
speaking unapologetically your truth.
Also telling yourself that
it's safe to speak up.
To speak your truth, okay?
And so, you know,
also the lack of trust
really comes from a path conflict
inside of yourself.
So there's a part that wants
to have a deep connected
long term relationship,
that wants to have all the attention.
And then, there's the other part,
that doesn't feel safe a bit because,
that part got suffocated by the mom.
Always wanting all the attention
and always being manipulated by her.
So, really important
to bring both of those parts together.
Symptom number three is
difficulty setting boundaries.
It goes along the same lines
from the lack of trust.
Also remember, when you
were emancipating yourself
which is in the third stage
of development as a child.
What ended up happening
is, you got shamed.
You got guilt tripped, like I said before.
And so, when you said,
No, I don't agree with you.
I don't wanna go to church with you.
I don't wanna go to this birthday party.
I don't agree with what
you just said, right.
Like, you were sort of like,
almost like, exiled, right.
Like, it's just really nasty
when you have an emotionally
unavailable mother,
when you have a narcissistic mother,
when you have abusive mother,
anyway, shape or form.
Like, you're gonna have a really hard time
setting boundaries.
Why is that?
For one, it's because you
are very other focused.
So you're actually putting more attention,
and more value on approval
on what other people want.
And you totally don't even know
what it feels like to be you.
Why?
Because it wasn't even safe
to focus on yourself at the first place.
So you don't even know
how to hold your own in a relationship.
Like you don't even know
what that looks like?
Where your boundaries are?
What are your mental boundaries?
What are your emotional boundaries?
What are your physical boundaries?
And what are your energetic boundaries?
You don't even know,
what I'm talking about right now.
Because, you're so focused
on what the other person needs.
So, really important
being aware what am I okay with.
And really being honest with yourself
and measuring
and saying,
oh, this felt a little,
that felt a little off for me,
it's felt like a little,
I felt a little hesitation here.
I dint wanna try give
an answer right away.
Like, honoring every little distinction
that you're doing.
So, every little hesitation,
every little space has actually
some more truth behind it,
then you think
and for going more deeper with that.
Symptom number four is difficulty
seeing the self accurately.
Now again, I always talk about it,
brain leads the thoughts
and generalizes reality
based on it's unconscious expectations.
So you develop your
unconscious expectations
based on your mom's behavior.
If she praised you.
If she didn't praise you.
If you were a very, like, that say,
a very happy go lucky,
singing in the apartment,
singing in the house,
kind of like, joyful individual.
And then your mom would say,
oh, my God!
Suzie really,
you have to be that loud again.
Like, can you just be quite.
You're annoying me.
You're a burden, whatever,
anything like that.
Then out of the sun,
what happens to that joyful part
inside of yourself?
That little girl that was just skipping
and dancing
and being spontaneous
and full of love
and self expression, right.
She like,
she's not gonna see herself anymore.
Because she is gonna see herself
in the mirror for mom, right.
Like, no, no, no we gotta be competent.
We gotta be put together.
We definitely can't be too joyful.
Don't be too emotional.
Just be right.
Don't be too odd.
Don't be too cold.
Just fit in.
Like, don't stand out too much, right.
So, you're loosing, you know,
the healthy relationship to self
and you see it actually.
You're starting to see it
inaccurately, unfortunately,
and you already probably know that.
Because, you also attract
a lot of narcissists
into your life as well,
that are just that
reflection of, you know,
the relationship you have with your mom.
And, symptom number five
is making avoidance the default position.
And so that goes back to,
so think about it
specially, if you have
a more narcissistic,
self absorbed,
and emotionally unavailable mom.
Particularly, if you have
a narcissistic mom, right.
Like, you are having this part
inside of yourself that's afraid
to be suffocated, right.
That's afraid that she's
invading your space, right.
Because remember, there's
no boundaries, right.
For the narcissists,
they just invade your space.
Like, no problem, right.
And they're just often times
also a little bit more anxious
and super clingy.
So, think about more,
almost like a parasite,
they anchor inside of you, right.
And eat you up, right.
And burn you out.
And drain the heck out of you, okay.
And so that's really important
to know that then of course,
you're gonna greet that of avoidance.
Like, hello, right.
Like, I'm gonna keep people at a distance.
Because, last time I let
somebody in, was my mom
and my mom doesn't know
what boundaries are.
She doesn't accept a no.
So once I let her in,
she comes in all the way.
Once I give her the finger,
she takes the whole hand, okay.
And so if that's you,
really important like, really learning.
I know, it's really hard
and again, I fall to that same category,
I have a narcissistic mother too, right.
It's like, just really slowly learning
that you can trust people.
Like, you can trust me that
you can connect with people.
Like, sharing something,
just training yourself,
like a once a week,
you're gonna share
something with your friend.
Doesn't have to be with your date.
Rather just even practicing
with your girlfriends, you know,
or if you have male friends, right.
Practicing to just share something
and just getting over this like,
oh, I'm good.
I'm having this avoidance sort of like,
this own world that you live in
but instead actually leaning in, okay.
And just really allowing somebody in
and having an authentic
and congruent conversation
and also setting boundaries off them.
I'm like, hey, I have time for 20 minutes
and I'm get off the phone.
And also see for yourself
and I know,
if you have difficulty setting boundaries.
It'll be really helping
for you to practice that with your friends
and, you know,
yeah, male or female, right.
Or may be even coworkers too.
Okay, so those are the five symptoms
today, when it comes to mommy issues.
Particularly, if you
have a narcissistic mom.
And of course,
the question of the day,
that we have, is of course,
how was your relationship
with your mom, right?
Where was she avoiding?
Where was she anxious?
So wanna really look into that as well.
So if you like this video like, subscribe
and share it, of course, as well.
And if you want to take my quiz,
hop on over to MagnetizeYourMan.com
And also click that link
right below this video.
I hope this was helpful for you.
I'm super excited to
talk to you next time.
Much love.
Bye.
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