

Love's Fate

## By

## Tracey Smith

copyright 2011 by Tracey Smith

Smashwords Edition

This book is available in print at most online retailers

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced in any manner without written permission, except by a reviewer who may quote brief passages in a review.

All characters in this book are fictitious and any resemblance to real persons is coincidental.

## Prologue

I stared across the long room trying to focus on anything but the argument going on behind me... so much for our family trip to the museum. I had known it would be a failure before it began, and yet part of me was sad I had been right.

Sad but not surprised.

For as long as I could remember my parents had avoided each other, but for some reason my mother insisted on this family outing. I couldn't remember the three of us ever spending a whole day together before this. I spent plenty of time with my mother. Every weekend we would go somewhere; the beach, the San Diego Zoo, Sea World. My father never came along. I couldn't understand why she insisted that my father come for this particular trip. He was not happy about it when she asked, but she stood her ground, which surprised me. My mother was kind and beautiful, smart and funny, but when it came to my father she was timid. I had never seen her stand up to him before.

"You need to spend more time with him." My mother had pleaded. "A boy needs his father."

I didn't think so. My father spent all of his time working, which was just fine with me. He was a horribly cruel and intolerant man. The only time he spoke to me was to criticize. I had accepted at an early age that I would never live up to his standards, but it was easy to ignore his disapproval when my mother's love overshadowed it.

After less than an hour at the museum my father was already complaining about what a waste of time this was and insisting that he was ready to go, my mother was begging him to be patient. I knew that would never happen, he could never appreciate the beauty that surrounded us.

I tried to tune them out as I absorbed my surroundings. I examined the paintings that hung on the walls of the long corridor, some were very realistic representations of people or places, and others were just a myriad of colors and abstract design. One painting near where I was standing seemed to have texture, and my fingers itched to reach out and touch it.

There were also planters, benches and sculptures that broke up the large expanse of floor space. The room seemed to extend indefinitely; it made me feel very small to be standing in such a large space. I looked up toward the towering ceiling and was surprised to see a giant sculpture that was precariously suspended above the large room.

As I inspected the twists and turns of metal I noticed that it seemed to be swaying gently as if some invisible breeze were blowing through the room. I closed my eyes to feel the air around me. It was cool, but very still. There was no breeze. I looked around again and saw that there were no exterior doors in this wing and as I searched the walls I discovered there were no air vents either. I gazed back up and was fascinated by the strange movement. I decided it must be some sort of optical illusion.

I looked around at the other people in the hall to see if anyone else seemed to notice the captivating sculpture overhead. Some people looked bored, others enthralled, but none seemed to notice the subtle movement above the crowd. As I scanned the faces around me something caught my attention. Something so out of place in my mind that I couldn't help but stare.

A perfect little family stood together near the other end of the long room. They looked so happy, smiling at each other. It seemed so alien, nothing of what I knew a family to be. The man was tall and looked strong but he had a kind smile and warmth in his eyes. Nothing like the stern expression my father always wore. His smile was so loving as he watched his little girl dance around one of the planters. His arms were wrapped around the waist of a beautiful woman who also adoringly watched the child.

The woman was truly stunning. Her long chestnut hair framed her delicate face and then fell in soft waves down her slender back. Even from across the room I could tell her eyes were the color of emeralds. I was mesmerized as I stared at her. I had never seen a woman so beautiful in all my life, granted I was only 10 years old, but still I knew she was something special. It was obvious her husband knew as well. Even though his eyes never left the little girl, his arms remained wrapped around his wife in a loving embrace. As if invisible strings connected them, they moved in perfect synchronicity as they followed their child.

The little girl was almost as beautiful as her mother, although she couldn't be more than 5 years old. Her dark hair was the same color, but she wore it in pigtail braids that bounced as she danced around her parents. She reminded me of a porcelain doll, her features were so perfect, just like her mothers. Her parents seemed so happy just to watch her as she explored her surroundings. Content to simply be together.

Had my family ever looked like that? Had my parents ever been so happy, so much in love? I couldn't remember a time when I'd ever seen my father so much as touch my mother, let alone hold her the way this man held his wife. And never had he looked at me with as much pride and adoration as this man showed his child.

I watched enviously as the little girl skipped to her parents and they immediately, instinctively reached down to lift her up into a loving embrace. Then somehow the little girl looked at me. I must have been at least 100 feet away but it seemed like she was staring right at me, our eyes locked for just a moment and I saw that she had her mother's emerald eyes. She smiled at me. Then something overhead caught my attention.

The gentle sway of the large sculpture above us seemed to be gaining speed. I watched curiously as the monstrous ensemble rocked from side to side, wondering again what could be causing the motion. Obviously there was no wind blowing in this room, but it was definitely moving. This was no optical illusion. I didn't have long to ponder the source of the strange movement.

In a split second I saw a cable snap then another and instantly the large figure was silently hurtling toward the ground below... to the perfect family below. They didn't see it. No one did. Only I was looking up at that instant, at that exact moment when everything seemed to happen at once. I screamed as the reality of what was happening hit me. Then everyone was looking, everyone was moving. It all happened so fast.

I looked back at that perfect family and saw the terror in their eyes as they realized too late what was happening. The man took the small child in his arms and threw her as hard as he could just before the tangled mass of twisted metal crashed down on top of them.

## Chapter 1: Another New Beginning

I packed the few personal belongings I had into my small tattered suitcase. It didn't take long. I was already wearing my favorite pair of jeans and a comfortable t-shirt. I only owned a few other articles of clothing and some basic necessities. I had learned it was simpler to keep only the bare essentials when you moved around as much as I did. Easier to keep up with, less to be lost or left behind, and no reason to be sad if you did forget something.

Everything I had could easily be replaced. I kept no mementos from my childhood, I had learned not to. Once I had a doll, and I grieved so heavily when I left behind that one link to my past. It was just a doll, but at the time it had felt like so much more. When I lost it, it was like losing my parents all over again. It was all I had left from my life with them, a life that had been cut too short.

Sometimes I wondered if I died that day too. Not physically obviously, because I was still walking, still breathing. But on the inside I felt dead. I couldn't smile, I couldn't laugh. I couldn't be the happy child that people expected me to be. My happiness died with my parents. I suppose that is why I was never adopted. Foster parents were always so excited to get me... at first.

"She's so beautiful!" they would exclaim.

I never felt beautiful. I never felt anything. I guess I didn't hide it well. I didn't really try. When they inevitably realized they had a child who was dead inside they always gave me back. Some tried harder than others, but in the end it was always the same.

I spent my childhood that way, moving from one foster home to the next. However, I knew I wasn't the only one who lived this way, and I wouldn't feel sorry for myself. So many others had it worse than me living in group homes or institutions. I was lucky that I had been placed in relatively nice homes over the years, but I was grateful that this would be my last "home".

I had just turned18 and my Fate was finally in my own hands. I looked around at the drab room that had been mine for the last 2 years, just a small square room with bare walls. I felt no sadness in leaving. It never really had been a home to me just a place to stay. I hadn't had a real home since I was 5 years old. And those memories were so vague they seemed more like a dream. I couldn't remember anything concrete about that life, just that I had been happy then, and not since. I pulled myself out of my sad reverie when I heard the honk from the taxicab waiting outside.

"Katherine!" a gravely voice shouted impatiently down the hall, as if I hadn't heard the honk.

I glanced quickly in the small cracked mirror on the wall and pulled my long dark hair into a ponytail. I took one last look around at the water stained ceiling, the paint peeling off the walls, and I said goodbye to this room I would not miss.

I walked down the narrow hallway and stopped in front of the dingy kitchen where I knew my foster mother would be sitting. In the 2 years that I'd lived here I had only seen her sitting in this small dark room so I knew she would be there now. It was where she always was when I left for school in the morning and where she would be when I came home from work at night. I always ate at the diner where I worked so when I came home I could go straight to my room. I sometimes wondered if she ever left that chair, if she ever slept or ate. I had never seen her do anything but chain smoke and stare at the small fuzzy TV in the corner. This is how I found her now.

"Goodbye" I said, looking in the doorway of the smoke filled room.

She nodded once not taking her eyes off the television. I hadn't expected much more. We had interacted very little in my time here. It was obvious that she was only a foster parent to earn the small sum she was paid for her services, and not in some attempt to satisfy a maternal need. I didn't mind.

In a way this was better than some of the earlier homes I'd had. Homes where they always tried to make me into the perfect little child they longed for and then overflowed with unmasked disappointment when they realized I could not fulfill the role. At least she left me alone.

She provided a roof over my head. That was all I could ask. But no longer would I have to ask anyone to do this for me. I was an adult now. Finally officially on my own! The feeling of freedom started to sink in as the cab pulled away from the dilapidated old house.

The last few years my life had seemed almost mechanical. School, work, study, sleep. Over and over this same pattern repeated itself, seemingly endless. But here it was: TheEnd. The end to having my actions dictated by others. The end to feeling like I had to pretend to be what everyone else wanted me to be. I finally belonged to myself. Not a ward of the state. Not an inconvenient houseguest. No one would ever have to sit me down for another uncomfortable conversation explaining why things weren't working out and why it was time for me to move again. If I moved it would be my choice. Everything would be my choice. For the first time in 13 years I felt...happy?

The cab came to a stop in front of L.A.X. I took a brief moment to be impressed with the size of the immense airport. I had spent my childhood bouncing around the Los Angeles area, but I had never before seen L.A.X., I had never taken a trip, never been on an airplane. My heart fluttered in anticipation. This was the first of many firsts for me. The cabdriver cleared his throat impatiently so I quickly pulled some bills out of my pocket to pay him grabbed my small bag and jumped out onto the curb. I walked through the sliding glass doors and again was taken aback by the sheer size of the structure. I followed the crowd of arriving travelers to the check in counter and received my ticket and directions to the gate. I had to take a tram to the terminal and again was exhilarated with the new experience. When the tram came to a stop and the automatic doors slid open I had to consciously control my excitement to keep from running all the way to the gate. I had imagined this day every night for the last year. Had planned for this day and dreamt of it. And here it was, freedom at last!

As I settled into my seat on the plane I closed my eyes and wondered what my new life would be like. It wasn't like all those other times. I wasn't scared, or hesitant. I was thrilled! Everything I had worked so hard for was about to pay off.

I had been accepted at the University of California-San Diego. That is where my life would finally begin. I had taken night classes at the local community college during my senior year of high school to get enough college credits that I could enroll for summer classes and move right onto campus as soon as I graduated high school. It wasn't something they usually let freshman do, but with my perfect 4.0 GPA and all my letters of recommendation from the professors at the community college they were willing to make an exception. By the time the fall semester actually started I would nearly be a sophomore.

School was something that had always come easy for me. I never struggled with any subject and often found high school curriculum boring, so I really enjoyed the extra challenge when I began taking the night classes. I had spent every moment of my free time in the last year planning for this day. I had already secured a dorm room and a job at an on-campus coffee shop. I sat there on the plane imagining all my plans coming into action and hadn't even realized I'd drifted off to sleep until the dream started.

It was the same dream, always the same. A mixture of colors and emotions. It started with laughing and happiness. Dancing carelessly and feeling loved. My parents were in this dream. It was really the only memory I had of them, but they were so fuzzy. I couldn't see the details of my mother's face, just her green eyes. My eyes. I don't know if my mother's eyes were really that similar to mine or if my subconscious had replaced my eyes with hers in the dream. But her eyes were so happy, happier than I had ever seen my own eyes in my reflection.

All I could see of my father was his smile. It was a beautiful smile. One that made me feel warm and loved. I could feel his strong arms around me, holding me. I feel safe.

There was also someone else in the dream, someone far away watching me. A boy. His eyes were sapphire blue. The deepest blue I could imagine, and I'm not quite sure how exactly I did imagine them because I had never in my life seen anything to match the deep blue of his eyes. But his eyes weren't happy like my mothers were. They were scared, terrified.

Then the dream became a nightmare. Screaming, chaos, confusion, pain. That's when I woke up. That's when I always woke up.

I was drenched in sweat and curled up so that I was hugging my knees to my chest. A few of the other passengers on the plane were looking at me, some looked concerned others just curious. I felt the tears on my face and realized I had been crying. I got up and made my way to the small lavatory at the end of the aisle. I washed my face and the cold water helped pull me back to reality. I tried to push the dream out of my mind.

Luckily it was a short flight to San Diego. When the plane landed I quickly grabbed my small carry-on bag, grateful that I didn't have enough stuff to require a large suitcase that would have had to be checked in. I practically ran from the plane, running from the dream. Hoping, wishing it could be left behind me. Knowing that it couldn't. I easily found a cab and headed toward the UCSD campus. My new home.

## Chapter 2: Another Blind Date

"Michael!" my father's gruff voice barked from behind his office door.

I glanced over at his timid secretary who fidgeted nervously at her desk. She looked at me quickly but didn't allow her eyes to meet mine. She reminded me of a small mouse with a sharply pointed nose and beady eyes that were always darting around nervously. I wondered idly if she'd always been so nervous or if my father had made her that way. She knew the purpose of today's meeting and she seemed almost as anxious about it as I should be.

Slowly I walked forward into the large extravagant office. My father sat behind his large mahogany desk trying to look regal. I was unimpressed. I slumped onto one of the leather sofas near the door rather than proceeding to one of the high-backed chairs positioned just in front of his desk. He looked annoyed. I smiled.

"I hear you've changed your major again" he began without preamble.

For a moment I wondered just how many spies he had stationed around my college campus for the sole purpose of informing him of my every move. Not that it mattered. I didn't care what he knew.

"Well?" he questioned.

"Well what?" I said petulantly

"Well most people who spend 7 years in college have a Ph.D. to show for it Michael!"

I smiled and allowed my eyes to scan the wall behind my father's desk decorated with various diplomas and accreditations, but I still said nothing. I would not be intimidated. I could see his face turning redder by the minute. I was enjoying myself.

"I want to know what you plan to do with your life, besides waste my money?" he continued. "You will have to graduate eventually!" he threatened.

"Why don't you just tell me what you want to hear, so I can say it and we can be done with this" I spit the words at him.

He knew I didn't want to be here. He knew I didn't want his money. I didn't want to go to this school. All I wanted was to be free of him. I wanted to live my own life and if it wasn't for my mother, I could. But cancer was slowly stealing her life. She needed the best doctors money could buy just to ease her suffering. And he could give her that.

I hated him for it.

I hated the way he used my love for her to keep me under his thumb. As long as I remained under his control he would pay for her medical care. If I left, if I stood on my own two feet and walked away from him he would allow her to suffer as she died. I couldn't do that. So I stayed.

I knew what he wanted. He wanted me to get some sort of business degree so I could work at one of the many companies he owned, just another way to control me. He wanted me to become one of his cronies. Someone who bowed to his every whim and saluted him like the dictator he pretended to be. I figured it was better to be a life-long student. I would take every class UCSD offered. I nearly had.

I suppose I could have failed my classes and taken them repeatedly, but I guess I was too proud to feign stupidity. I easily passed every class I took and when I was in danger of graduating I just changed my major.

The way I saw it my mother did not have much longer to live, to suffer. Soon she would pass and then we would both be free. Until that time came I would play his game. I would pretend that someday I would join his legions of faithful followers. But we both knew that was a lie.

"Why do I bother?" he mumbled rubbing his temples, as if my mere presence was giving him a headache.

"You will graduate." He threatened again.

Then he waved his hand toward the door and I knew I was being dismissed.

I left his office and headed straight for the beach. This is where I came when I needed to clear my head. I hiked to the top of a cliff I knew well. This was my spot. I always came here. The path that led the way was nearly obscured and no one else had ever disturbed me in this spot. I felt completely free when I came here, completely alone and out from under my father's always watchful eye.

I sat on the edge of the precipice and watched the cerulean waves crash against the golden shore. It seemed as if they were fighting against the ocean. Trying to break free. As soon as they finally built up enough strength to reach the sandy beach the ocean would pull them back again. Regardless of my mood, the ocean always seemed to mimic my emotions.

I hated my father, I hated the control he had over my life, but I knew I would be leaving soon. I would miss the beach.

I remained there on my cliff until I had watched the fiery sphere sink into the blue depths. Sunset was my favorite time of day. The way the sky and ocean seemed to meld and change color was magical to me and at that one moment just before the sun disappeared anything seemed possible.

After the sun set I decided it was time to pick myself up and go back to my dorm room on campus. Of course I could afford to get my own place, I had a lot of money saved up from working nights as a DJ for the university's radio station over the last 7 years. But my room and board was part of my tuition and as long as he was going to keep me here, I was going to drain him for every cent I could. I smiled at that thought as I walked through the door of my small room.

"Hey Mike." My roommate said as I entered our room. "What's got you grinning?"

Charlie had been my roommate for the last 4 years. He was my best friend, and I was sad to know that he actually would be graduating soon, but happy for him at the same time. At least his life was moving forward.

"The old man's at it again" I replied.

That was explanation enough. Charlie hadn't spoken with his own father in years, he knew how I felt about mine. There was never a need for explanation with Charlie.

Charlie grunted as he flopped down on the couch and put his arm around his girlfriend Claire. The two of them were polar opposites, at least in appearance.

Charlie had a dark complexion indicative of his Native American heritage, and his eyes were almost as black as his hair. He stood about six feet tall with broad shoulders and towered over Claire's delicate 5'4" frame.

Claire had light red hair, blue eyes and freckles. But that is where the contrast stopped. They were two of the kindest people I had ever met. Charlie would give you the shirt off his back and Claire had a way about her that was almost maternal. She always seemed concerned about the people around her, always trying to comfort and protect them.

Claire smiled up at me with kind concern and I couldn't help but smile back. She had a very kind face, and she always seemed genuine. She was pretty in a simple kind of way. But all girls seemed that way to me, some prettier than others, but none very special. Charlie said I was too picky. That no one was perfect. But I knew he was wrong. I had seen perfection once, although I tried not to think of that memory too often.

Charlie and Claire had been dating for the last two years. They had had met in an education class. Claire was planning on becoming a kindergarten teacher and Charlie wanted to coach football and teach history. She was at our place all the time, but I didn't mind. She made Charlie happy. She took care of him. I figured they were headed toward marriage, with graduation only a few weeks away I knew it had to be on Claire's mind.

It wasn't uncomfortable to be around them like it could be with some couples. They knew how to keep their hands off each other in public for one, although there was always an understated affection between them. It was obvious that they cared for each other, maybe even loved each other, but when I watched them together I didn't see passion in their eyes when they looked at each other. I had seen that kind of love only once in my life, and only for a fleeting second. But it was long enough to know that it existed. Long enough to know that I couldn't settle for anything less.

"Are you coming to the coffee shop with us tonight?" Charlie asked. "A new band is playing, heard they're supposed to be really good."

"Sure" I shrugged.

My shift at the radio station didn't start until midnight and it was already late enough that getting some sleep in before work was out of the question, I figured I might as well tag along to kill some time. The third wheel once again.

"There's a real cute girl in my psych class, I think you'd like her. She's supposed to be there tonight. I could introduce you" Claire offered.

Crap! Why had I agreed to go? I quickly tried to think of some way out of it. I couldn't stand the thought of another blind date! I was always being set up with girls that I was supposed to like, but never did. It always ended the same. After a few hours of pretending to listen to whatever they were droning on about they would realize I was tuning them out and get annoyed. That's how most of my dates ended. There was rarely a second date.

"Whatever" I mumbled not being able to come up with an excuse to back out that wouldn't be an obvious display of my aversion to dating.

"Come on Michael, I really think you'll like her." Claire assured me.

I doubted it.

I couldn't believe I'd just been tricked into another blind date. I had to hold some kind of record or something. But I guess I brought in on myself, if I actually asked girls out on my own maybe everyone I knew wouldn't feel so compelled to set me up.

The coffee shop was packed when we got there. As we pushed through the crowd some big bulky guy shoved past me with a busted up nose and blood running down his face.

"Rough crowd here tonight." I said to Charlie as we looked around for a table.

The band had lived up to their reputation, the music was good and people were piling in to listen. We managed to find a small table pushed into a back corner and I thought about how the chance of a waitress seeing us back here was slim to none. That actually was a relief when I realized I could use that as an excuse to leave the table if my blind date turned out to be a bust. Which I had no doubt it would. I could pretend to have gotten lost in the crowd while getting us some drinks and kill some time before finally making it back to the table just in time to have to leave for work. I was in the middle of planning my escape route when Claire jumped up and waved to someone who had just entered.

"Tiffany!" she called over the crowd and a generic looking blond turned in our direction. She was pretty enough, I guess, but nothing special.

"Hi" she said when she finally made it to our table "You must be Michael, Claire has told me a lot about you"

Funny, I thought, I hadn't heard of you until I was tricked into coming out tonight. So obviously this was pre-meditated. I would have to find a way to pay Charlie back later. I shot a glance at Charlie and he looked sheepishly down at the table. He was so dead!

"Hey" I said to her, trying to smile and not look annoyed.

She sat down and the small talk started. What's your major? Are you from San Diego? Nice weather isn't it? Finally she got started in on some long boring story that I had no interest in, but I was relieved that all I had to do now was nod occasionally. I scanned the crowded coffee shop wondering how long I should wait before offering to get up and get us all some drinks. That's when I saw her.

She was on the other side of the coffee shop, serving some drinks to a table near the stage and laughing at something someone had said. I couldn't hear her, but her smile was the most beautiful I had ever seen. I stared, wishing I could hear her laughter. Wondering what had been said to make her laugh.

She was...stunning. That was the only word for it. Her long dark hair was pulled back into a ponytail but still reached nearly half way down her back. She wore a simple t-shirt and jeans with an apron tied around her tiny waist. A movie star decked out for the red carpet could not have held my attention as powerfully as this girl did. I couldn't look away.

I could only see her profile, but I could tell she was by far the most beautiful woman I had ever seen. Even more beautiful than the distant memory of a woman I had seen so many years ago, a woman who had become my standard that no real girl could ever live up to. A memory of a face so perfect I had convinced myself it couldn't have been real, just a blending of reality and fantasy.

But now as I stared across this over-crowded room I realized that the perfection I had dreamt of didn't even measure up to the beautiful waitress who stood before me now. Something I would have never believed to be possible until this moment. Then she looked at me.

At least a hundred people stood in this room between us, but she looked right at me. Our eyes locked. I knew I should look away. I shouldn't stare like this. What would she think?

But her emerald eyes mesmerized me. I couldn't have looked away if I wanted to, and I couldn't have wanted anything less. I had only seen eyes like hers once before.

Obviously my mind was playing tricks on me now. This waitress I was staring at couldn't possibly be as perfect as I was seeing her. Some long lost memory must have been overlapping my senses, making her appear to have all the features of the perfect woman from my dreams.

I studied her face, amazed by its perfection and then I realized how I must have looked staring at her this way and almost felt embarrassed until it occurred to me... she was staring too. We were both frozen with our eyes locked on each other like no one else was in the room.

I wondered if I should go over to her. Obviously she was looking at me.

Why was she looking at me? Was it only because I was looking at her?

I wanted to talk to her, but I didn't know how to begin. Suddenly I wished for the first time that I had more practice at approaching women. I wanted to walk to her but my feet seemed cemented to the floor. I couldn't will my body to move any more than I could force my eyes away from hers. I was powerless, unable to focus on anything else, even the simple act of moving one foot in front of the other.

"Dude, did you hear me? They said you have a call." Charlie's voice finally broke through my stupor.

I made my way across the room to the counter where the phone was, not taking my eyes off her.

Why was she still looking at me?

Was she smiling?

I reached the counter and took the phone that way being held out toward me.

"Hello" I said absently, still watching her.

"Michael, don't hang up. It's about your mother" My heart sank as my father's voice resounded in my ears.

There was only one reason my father would be calling me to discuss my mother. The only reason strong enough to break through the mysterious gravitational force I felt toward this woman.

## Chapter 3: Blue Eyes

"Katherine," my roommate Amy whined from the other side of the bathroom door "Please! I need to get in there."

I ran the brush through my hair one more time then finally gave up and pulled it into a ponytail. I swore to myself that I would cut it all off soon.

"Sorry," I apologized relinquishing the bathroom to her.

"I was just trying to do something with my hair." I explained in a disgusted tone.

"Like you could be anything but drop-dead gorgeous!" she teased "You could shave your head and you'd still look better than me on my best hair day!"

I rolled my eyes. That was the farthest thing from the truth! Amy was a very pretty girl. She was always bubbly and smiling. Everyone loved her. She was the exact opposite of me.

She always wore the latest fashions. Her light blonde hair was always cut into the latest style. Her make-up applied perfectly. I, on the other hand, was a hopeless mess. I could never do anything with my long thick hair besides pull it back into a ponytail, and I had no sense for fashion. I still clung to my favorite pair of jeans, which I was wearing now, although I had added a few new t-shirts to my small collection. I never even bothered with make-up. For some reason I felt like I only made myself look worse when I tried to put it on. It just made my face seem fake.

I knew I wasn't entirely unattractive. That was obvious from all the guys who had asked me out in the few years I'd been at UCSD. But really, how good of a judge could a bunch of horny college guys be? I wasn't interested in being somebody's conquest. Sure I went on a few dates here and there, but no one held any real interest for me.

I was completely convinced that all those sappy movies about love at first sight were purely fiction. Love like that just didn't exist. At least not for me, of that I was sure. I hadn't really dated much in high school either, again not from lack of opportunity. At that time I was so focused on planning my exodus that I really just had no interest in dating. I guess that hadn't changed yet, although everything else had.

I was finally happy. Unequivocally, undeniably happy. I had never really thought it was possible. But being on my own had brought me to life. I loved college! The classes were so much more interesting than the menial high school curriculum that I had suffered through to get here. I was challenged and I loved it.

My job at the coffee shop was a huge contrast to the bland diner I had worked at before. There were always live bands playing and the atmosphere was fun and energetic. I even loved my tiny little dorm room. Although the irony of the small square room with bare walls was not lost on me, I still loved it because I chose to be here. I even decorated it, with the help of Amy of course. I had made it my home.

"You coming to the coffee shop tonight?" I asked Amy as she emerged from our small, shared bathroom. "I heard the band they have playing tonight is supposed to be really good!"

"Sure" she replied excitedly "Maybe Dan can bring his friend Jared along. You really ought to meet him."

"Don't even think about it!" I threatened "If I even think you've brought some guy along for me to meet I swear I will go home sick and I'll leave out the back door!"

"Okay, Okay" she laughed holding her hands up like a criminal under arrest "Can't blame a girl for trying. Really Katherine you should think about dating..."

"I'm going to be late for work" I interrupted walking to the door "I'll save you a good table" I smiled and slipped out before she could get in another word.

I had never seen the coffee shop so busy. There had to be at least a hundred people crowded into a room that was designed to comfortably seat 50. All the couches had been pushed against the walls and all the tables scooted into corners to allow more standing room for the burgeoning crowd.

The band had started playing and they were very good. I looked around the room and thought tonight would definitely be a good tip night. I quickly tied my apron around my waist and began making my rounds taking drink orders. It was a little confusing without the familiar grid of tables I was used to.

The usually comfortable cozy atmosphere of the coffee shop has transformed into a frenzied mob swaying and pulsing to the loud music. I slipped a "Reserved" card on one of the few remaining tables close to the stage and hoped that Amy and Dan wouldn't be too long, because with all the people rolling in that table wouldn't remain empty for long, reserved or not.

"Hey sweet cheeks," some obnoxious frat guy called from behind me.

"What can I do for you?" I automatically replied turning in his direction.

I was used to putting up with his type, they were usually harmless, all bark and no bite. But before I knew it, he had grabbed one of my apron strings and pulled me down onto his lap. I struggled to get up, but his large arms were crushing me against him. Pinning my arms to my sides.

"I can think of a few things you can do for me" he crudely implied.

His breath reeked of alcohol as he leaned in to whisper something disgusting into my ear.

"Let her go." I had never been so relieved to hear Dan's voice in my life!

The obnoxious, drunk frat guy didn't let go, but he turned in Dan's direction and in doing so loosened the hold he had on me. It was just enough that I was able to slip out from under his grip and in one quick movement I spun out of his lap and swung around catching him with a left hook. I heard his nose crack as my fist made contact with his face. His chair toppled backwards and he fell to the floor with a loud thud. Dan looked almost as surprised as the jerk on the floor. My hand throbbed uncomfortably.

"I think you broke my nose!" the idiot whined as blood began to run down his face.

"Get the hell out of here or that won't be the only thing broken tonight!" Dan threatened as he stood over the guy glaring down at him.

As quickly as he could the guy stumbled to his feet and practically ran for the door without another word barreling into people as he passed them.

I just stood there for a minute staring at Amy and Dan. I was shaking a little bit and my hand ached. I could tell by the looks on their faces that they were just as shocked as I was. I had never hit anyone before in my life. I didn't even know I knew how. It just kind of happened, instinct I guess. It was Amy who spoke first.

"Wow Katherine, you're a bad-ass!" she said, clearly impressed. I just smiled weakly, still kind of in shock.

"I, uh, saved you a table" I stammered, still trying to get a grip on everything that had just happened.

They followed me to the table by the stage and sat down. Both were still watching me, Amy looking a little concerned now. Dan still had a weird smile on his face.

"I'm going to go get you guys some drinks" I said and quickly left them to retreat into the kitchen.

I walked straight to the employee bathroom in the back and splashed some cold water on my face, and then I let the sink fill with cold water and submerged my hand. I looked in the mirror still trembling a little and wondered what had come over me. What was I thinking? It felt kind of good actually, to put that jerk in his place. That realization made me feel a little bit better. I took a few deep breaths and felt composed again.

I carried some iced coffees over to the table where Amy and Dan were sitting. I laughed to myself at how identical they looked sitting together; a real-life Ken and Barbie. They could have been twins. They had the same shade of light blue eyes, same shade of blonde hair, Dan was only a few inches taller than Amy and they usually inadvertently wore matching clothes. They matched tonight.

I often teased them that they had been separated at birth. As they sat together now with mirrored expressions that joke seemed almost possible. They were both paying attention to the band now and I hoped my little episode could pass without further mention.

"So, I, uh, kinda told Jared he could meet us here tonight" Dan stuttered, then he pretended to flinch away from me "Please don't hit me!" he teased.

Suddenly I was laughing hysterically. I was definitely in shock. Dan laughed too. Amy smiled but there was still a small crease of concern between her eyebrows. She knew me well enough to know that I was not acting at all like myself. I glanced around the room, avoiding her eyes, as I once again tried to compose myself. Then a different pair of eyes caught my attention.

On the other side of the coffee shop a dark haired man was staring at me. Instantly my eyes locked on his as if invisible strings somehow connected us. I forgot everything else that was happening around me as I stared into the deepest blue eyes I had ever seen. They were so strangely familiar, yet I knew I had never seen him before. He was gorgeous! I would have remembered that face! But where had I seen those eyes?

They weren't typical blue eyes. Not like Amy's or anyone else's for that matter. They were deep, like looking into the depths of a deep blue ocean. I stared at him for what seemed like forever, trying to understand why his eyes were so familiar when his face was entirely new.

And oh what a face! He had strong features with a chiseled jaw line that had just a shadow of stubble and a small scar cutting across his chin. He had high cheekbones and a strong brooding brow line with a straight nose except for a small little crook in it that made me wonder if it had ever been broken. His lips were full and even from this far away they looked soft, a shocking contrast to the rugged features of his face. Staring at his mouth I felt a strange stirring in my stomach that I couldn't identify. But none of that compared to the depths of his blue eyes. I was lost in them. It took me a minute to recover from the shock of how captivating this man was and to start wondering why he was looking at me.

He seemed to have the same strange expression that I must have had. Curious fascination, I guess you could call it. His eyes were probing. It felt like he was trying to remember where he'd seen me before. Studying my face, just like I was studying his. I smiled a little, wondering what he could possibly be thinking. Should I go say something to him? I was a waitress here after all. I had a perfectly good excuse to walk to his table.

I was just starting to work up the courage to walk over there when I noticed somebody say something to him. He began crossing the room toward the counter but never took his eyes off me. I watched intently.

He reached the counter and took a phone that was being handed to him. Immediately his expression changed.

He looked away from me and I saw a wave of pain wash across his face as he put the phone down and turned for the door. I wanted to run after him, I felt a need to comfort him. I didn't know what had been said from his mysterious caller to make him look so sad. But I didn't like it. I didn't want him to be sad.

I realized how absolutely ridiculous this way, considering I didn't even know this man, but I wanted to cry as I watched him walk out the door. Would I ever see him again? The possibility that I wouldn't was almost unbearable.

"Have you heard a word I said?" Amy's voice brought me back to the coffee shop, the roar of the crowd and the music filled my ears again. I looked over at her feeling lost. I didn't know what to say.

"Katherine? What's wrong?" She was clearly concerned now.

"I'm not feeling well," I practically whispered. "I think I need to go home"

"Are you mad that Dan invited Jared?" She asked looking guilty.

"What? Oh... no" I'd already forgotten about Dan's attempt at setting me up with his friend.

Had that just happened? I seemed to have no sense of time. I felt like I had been staring at that mysterious man for hours, and now that he was gone I was completely disoriented.

"I just need to go home"

"I'll come with you." She offered

"No, stay. Watch the band, have fun. I'll be fine." I promised.

I forced a smile to convince her that I wasn't mad.

"I just really need to be alone right now." I explained.

I knew that wouldn't be enough explanation for my weird behavior, but it would have to do for now. Hesitantly she sat back down at the table and watched me as I headed back toward the kitchen.

I told my boss I was feeling sick, which wasn't entirely untrue, and left out the back door. I hurried home trying to make sense out of the strange evening I'd had. As soon as I got inside my room I turned the radio on. It was just after midnight and my favorite DJ should be coming on the air. I don't know what it was about his voice that was so soothing to me, but ever since I'd moved here I had listened to him every night when I got home from work until I fell asleep. He always played music that seemed to fit my mood perfectly and there was something comforting in the sound of his voice. I needed that comfort now. I needed to hear him to calm my nerves after the bizarre night I'd just had.

I nearly panicked as I turned my radio on and heard a foreign voice. One that did not belong on this station. I checked the radio dial to make sure I had the right station. It hadn't been changed since that first night when I'd turned it on and heard his voice, but I checked anyway. I had the station right, but the voice was all wrong. I sat staring at my radio, confused. Of all nights for him to not be on the air, when I needed him the most! I knew how ridiculous I was being but I didn't care. Angrily I turned the radio off, feeling betrayed. What was wrong with me? Why was I so worked up?

Even before I asked the question I knew the answer. It was him. He had shaken me to my core. But why? What was it about him that had me so unnerved?

I thought about his eyes, how strangely familiar they seemed. I was thinking about his eyes as I drifted off to sleep. And for the first time since I'd moved here I had the dream again. But this time the far-away boy with the blue eyes had a face. It was the face of the mystery man from the coffee shop tonight, it all came together in an instant. His strangely familiar blue eyes were the eyes from my dream.

## Chapter 4: Goodbyes

The funeral had been small and formal. As I followed the procession to the gravesite tears silently ran down my face. These would be the only tears I would shed. I knew my mother was better off now. I wasn't sure what I believed about the afterlife, but I did believe whatever waited for her on the other side was better than the pain and suffering that had filled her days for the last ten years. I also knew she had been the kindest person I'd ever known and something good had to be waiting for her on the other side.

My father and I stood on opposite sides of the grave. I studied his face for any sign of grief. Of course, his expression was blank, emotionless as always. The hatred I felt for him burned so deep as I realized incredulously that he actually looked bored, like this was just some formality that he was ready to be done with. My mother had been such an amazing woman. I never understood how someone so loving could have ended up with someone so cruel.

I thought back to a night when I was about 10 years old and I had begged my mother to just leave him. I wanted her to take me away. I didn't care if we had no money, I didn't care where we went. Even then I just wanted to be free of him. She had looked at me like I was asking the impossible, her face a mixture of fear and longing.

"He would never allow that." She had practically whispered, as if she feared he might be listening.

At the time, I didn't understand. He never looked at her with any sign of affection, just disdain. And he treated me like nothing more than an inconvenience and disappointment. At the time, I figured he'd be glad to be rid of us.

But I understood now. He didn't keep us out of love. He couldn't allow us to leave, because how would that look? His wife and son running from him, showing him to be the tyrant he was. It was always about appearances with him, I'm sure if he could have found some way to be rid of us that wouldn't have made him look bad he wouldn't have hesitated.

Not long after that night my mother told me that she had been diagnosed with cancer. And now thanks to that horribly crippling disease which had slowly claimed her life, my father was finally rid of her and he was about to be rid of me too, whether he liked it or not.

Now that my mother no longer held me here, I was leaving. I knew he would find some acceptable excuse for my absence. I really didn't care. Today was so bitter sweet. I would miss my mother greatly. I had loved her very much. But I knew she was better off now, and so was I. I was finally free. On my own. He could no longer dictate my life to me, no longer control me. Nothing he could say or do could keep me here anymore.

Suddenly, my mind went to the beautiful waitress I had seen a few nights earlier. I wasn't sure exactly why I thought of her now, not that it was the first time, but I felt a little guilty for allowing my mind to wander while I stood by my mother's grave.

However, I couldn't get her face out of my mind now that I had thought of her. I realized I felt sad at the thought of never seeing her again. Of course, I didn't actually know her, but for some reason I felt like I was leaving her too.

I couldn't allow myself to think that way. I had waited so long for my freedom, and nothing would stop me from leaving now. Besides, just because I was leaving San Diego didn't necessarily mean I would never see her again. However foolish, that thought comforted me.

I didn't know what the future would hold. The only thing I knew for sure was that as long as I stayed here my father would own me. I couldn't live my own life as long as he controlled the world around me. And he had enough money and influence to control everything around here. I had to leave, and I needed to go as far away as possible. Far enough that he couldn't find me.

After the funeral I went back to my dorm room one last time. I had considered just heading straight to the airport from the cemetery, but I knew I should say goodbye to Charlie.

"I'm really going to miss you man." Charlie said staring at his feet. "Do you know where you're going yet?"

"I'm flying to Italy tonight" I told him "I'm just going to travel around Europe for a while I guess, until I figure things out."

The truth was I really wasn't sure what I was going to do. It had been so long since I'd made plans for my future. I'd had no idea when I would finally be free and so I hadn't allowed myself to think about it much. Now that the time had come, it still didn't feel real. My mother's death was so recent, I couldn't be happy yet. I felt kind of numb actually.

I had always wanted to travel and I had more than enough money saved up to allow that for at least a couple of months. I figured I would just play it by ear. Something would come to me. I had already told my station manager that I wouldn't be back to the radio station and he had quickly found an eager young communications major to take my place. I had my plane tickets bought, my bags packed. There was nothing left to do, but leave.

"Well I guess this is it." I told Charlie and we shook hands then quickly leaned in for an awkward one-armed hug. I wasn't very good at goodbyes.

"I'll call you when I have a forwarding address" I promised, and with that I left before it got any more uncomfortable.

I had about half an hour before the cab would be there to pick me up for the airport, but I couldn't stand there looking at Charlie's sad face any longer. I really would miss him.

I walked across campus absent-mindedly without any real direction until I found myself standing in front of the coffee shop. My pulse quickened as I wondered if she was inside. I reached for the door but my hand froze on the doorknob.

What if she was in there? Would I talk to her? What would happen if I did?

What if she was so amazing that I couldn't bring myself to leave? Why did that even seem possible?

My mind was racing with so many questions. I wanted desperately to see her again. I hadn't realized how much I wanted that until this very moment. But something inside me knew that if I met her I would not want to leave her. The thought of staying was unbearable. I took my hand off the door and turned to walk back toward the dorms. I would just sit on the curb and wait for the cab.

It wouldn't be fair to her, I told myself.

Why introduce myself to someone just to say goodbye to them? Why did the thought of her make me want to stay?

I didn't even know her, I reminded myself.

She probably had a boyfriend anyway. Of course she did! How could anyone so beautiful not already be involved? I sat there on the curb trying to convince myself that I was doing the right thing. I had never imagined leaving would be so hard. It wouldn't have been a week ago. How could simply seeing someone across a room change absolutely everything? It couldn't, I told myself, and hoped that it was true.

I started to feel better as the plane took off. I had done it. I had left. There was no turning back now, at least not until the plane landed. I closed my eyes and tried to sort through the confusion I had felt today.

For some reason my mind wandered back to a distant, painful childhood memory. I was 10 years old and as far as I could remember it was the only time my father had ever spent the day with us. I now knew that it was the day my mother had learned she was dying and that is why she had insisted so strongly that my father come along on one of our outings. Perhaps she was hoping to bring him and I closer together. It hadn't worked.

We had gone to a museum. I was fascinated by the paintings. My mother was patient with me as I wandered the halls taking them all in, my father was not. He was badgering my mother to leave soon after we arrived.

I probably wouldn't have even remembered that day at all if it hadn't turned into such a tragic nightmare right in front of my eyes. I had watched as a young family was killed by a falling metal sculpture. It was a freak accident.

Immediately my mother pulled me away from the gruesome scene trying to shelter me. My father refused to let us even discuss what had happened. It was his opinion that avoidance was the best way to handle any situation that might involve emotion. So we never spoke of what happened that day. I wasn't even allowed to watch any news reports for the next few weeks, just in case there might be some mention of the event that could lead to a conversation.

I had always wondered though what had happened to the little girl. Just before the massive structure crashed down on the family I saw her father attempt to throw her to safety. Had she survived? Or had she died with her parents that day? I don't know why it mattered, but for some reason I had always wondered.

I shuddered at the memory. I don't know what had made me think of it now. I hadn't thought of that horrible day for so long. I tried not to. It was one of those terrible memories that you wished you could forget, but knew you never would. Thinking of it now made me realize how much that one day had shaped the rest of my life.

It wasn't just the horror of watching people die that I remembered. Even before they died, they had fascinated me. The couple had seemed so much in love, such a contrast to the way my parents behaved. I allowed myself to admit that it was that brief moment of happiness that I witnessed just before their lives ended that had shaped my expectations for love. And it was the beauty of the woman I had seen that day so many years ago that had set the standard that no one had ever been able to live up to. No one until _her_.

How strange that everything seemed interwoven all of a sudden. What was the connection between the beautiful waitress and that horrible childhood memory? Why did one automatically make me think of the other? Then I thought of her emerald eyes.

## Chapter 5: Changes

Days turned into weeks, weeks into months. Everywhere I went I looked for him, but he wasn't there. Had I imagined him?

No, I knew he was real, and he was out there somewhere.

I may have been in shock that night, but I was not crazy. He had been there, and he had looked at me with the same intensity that I had felt. But if that really was the case, why hadn't he come over to talk to me? If he was at all interested in me, why hadn't he come back to the coffee shop?

I was full of questions that nagged at my mind constantly. I could hardly think of anything else. Why did this man consume my every thought? What was it about him?

To make matters worse, my favorite DJ never came back on the air. It was the strangest coincidence and briefly I had wondered if my mystery man and the DJ could possibly be the same person. But I knew that was crazy. Just because I hadn't seen him didn't mean he wasn't around. Or maybe he wasn't even a student here. He could have just been visiting.

He did look a little older than most of the guys around campus. I hadn't seen him before that night, and I hadn't seen him since. Yes, he must have just been visiting.

Although that explanation made sense, I didn't like it. That meant the chance of seeing him again was little if any. After a few months I finally stopped looking for him around every corner.

I knew there could be a million reasons why my DJ was not working for that radio station anymore. Maybe he had gotten a job with a different station, a better time slot. I randomly searched through other stations every chance I had, listening for his voice, but after a few months I gave up on that too.

They were both gone. I didn't know either of them, and yet here I was feeling broken hearted and abandoned. I knew it was completely irrational. Why should not seeing someone I didn't know make me sad? Nothing was making sense anymore.

Time was flying by now. It was time for me to choose a major. I had never planned that far. I had been so focused on just getting here, that I never thought of what I would do after college. Then when I finally got here I was just enjoying myself so much, too happy to think about anything changing. But now it seemed like everything was changing. I was finished with all my basic courses; I had to pick a major. I had to think about life after college.

My happy routine no longer existed. I began to dread going to work at the coffee shop, because no matter how hard I tried not to look for him that was the place where I expected to see him the most. Every night was disappointing. I would come home feeling rejected only to be reminded that one of the few things that used to comfort me was no longer there anymore either. I stopped listening to the radio all together.

I finally decided on a business degree. It was practical. Wherever I ended up in life I figured I could probably use it. I still hadn't decided what exactly I planned on doing after I graduated, and I only had a little time left to figure it out. I was already a junior, by the fall semester I would be a senior and with all my basic credits met all I needed were my business courses. I was almost finished with school.

I took classes straight through the summer to keep my fulltime status so I could continue living in the dorm. It was lonely, because Amy had gone home for the summer like most other students and the dorms were unnaturally quiet. I spent all my free time at the beach, just watching the waves. It was comforting. I didn't feel lonely there.

I was so relieved when the fall semester started in and Amy was back. Her hair was cut into a new style and she had a whole suitcase full of new clothes that she'd bought while traveling with her parents. She had a million stories to tell me about how she'd spent her summer. It was nice to have her energy around me again. It was hard to be sad when she was around. But I didn't get to see her as much as I would have liked.

Now that we were both taking upper level classes we didn't have any classes together. She was a fashion major. She had also started a new job as a waitress for a catering service and our hours were so different that we were rarely home at the same time.

Maybe it was because of the loneliness I felt but when Jared asked me out for the millionth time I finally said yes. Jared was a business major as well, so we had a lot of classes together. I think he planned it that way, though I'm not exactly sure how he pulled it off. He was starting to grow on me. He was a nice guy and I felt bad seeing how disappointed he looked every time I turned him down.

"So where is he taking you?" Amy asked excitedly

"I'm not sure" I answered "He just said he'd pick me up at seven."

I hadn't thought to ask where we were going.

"Are you wearing that?" Amy pointed to the jeans I was wearing

"What's wrong with the way I'm dressed?" I asked looking at myself in the mirror.

This was how I always dressed.

"What if he's taking you somewhere nice?"

I hadn't thought of that.

"You don't really think he'd do that, do you?" I asked nervously.

I hadn't been nervous until that moment; it was only Jared after all. But now the thought of being taken somewhere nice where I would be totally underdressed completely stressed me out.

"Well, he's only been waiting for you to go out with him for like 6 months now, so it's very likely that he's planning something special." She said this with a twinkle in her eye, like it was a good thing.

I was completely terrified now. I just stared at my reflection.

"I don't have anything else." I said mostly to myself.

"I can take care of that!" Amy smiled, and I knew I was in trouble.

She ran to her closet and began sifting through her clothes.

I felt like a life-sized Barbie doll. She had me try on a dozen different outfits before she found one that she approved of. It was an emerald green silk dress, and I had to admit the color matched my eyes almost perfectly.

I liked the color, but I never wore dresses and I wasn't exactly comfortable wearing one now. I felt nearly naked the way the thin silk clung to my body, and the spaghetti straps and scooped neck line left me feeling very exposed. To make matters worse she insisted that I wear a pair of high-heeled shoes. I had to walk circles around our small room to practice walking in them. She laughed as I stumbled around, but promised me that I would do fine. I was not so confident.

She fixed my hair for me and even helped me put a little make-up on. She was obviously enjoying herself immensely. I was regretting having told her about the date.

When she finished I looked at myself in the mirror and my mouth fell open. She had definitely chosen the right major. She had a real talent for fashion! I looked amazing, I barely recognized myself. But I was definitely out of my comfort zone, all dressed up like this, and then a scary thought occurred to me. What if I was overdressed?

"Well what do you think?" she asked impatiently as I stared in the mirror.

"I, um, don't know. I mean the dress is beautiful, and the hair and everything. But what if he doesn't take me somewhere nice?" I looked at her nervously, imagining how embarrassed I'd be if he showed up at my door tonight in a pair of jeans.

"Trust me." She said with a knowing smile.

I should have known Dan would have already filled her in on Jared's plans for the evening.

"Where is he taking me?" I asked eyeing her suspiciously.

She just shrugged nonchalantly.

"How should I know?" she smiled at me and winked.

Then I heard the knock on the door. I had butterflies in my stomach. I was definitely out of my comfort zone!

When I answered the door I was grateful for Amy's makeover. Jared stood there in a suit and tie, looking surprisingly handsome. His light brown hair was perfectly combed without a hair out of place. His suit perfectly pressed. I knew he was a good looking guy, I had just never seen him dressed up before, so I was little surprised at just how good he looked, very sophisticated. He must have been thinking the same thing about me. He didn't say anything for a minute, just stared at me with wide eyes.

"You... look... amazing." He finally stammered after a minute.

I blushed at his compliment.

"So do you." I said staring at my feet.

It was weird how self-conscious I felt with him all of a sudden. This was just Jared after all, the same guy I'd been dodging for the last 6 months. The same guy who sat next to me in nearly every class I had this semester. It must have been the fancy clothes that were making me so uncomfortable.

"Shall we" he said offering me his arm.

I looked back at Amy and she nodded at me encouragingly with a huge smile across her face. I hooked my arm through his, grateful that I'd be able to use him to help me balance in these ridiculous shoes.

When we got to his car I was surprised to see it was a BMW. I had never rode in a BMW before. He opened my door for me, and I blushed again as I slid onto the leather seat. Everything felt so formal.

The restaurant had valet parking, so we were able to pull right up to the front door. I was thankful for the short walk. I hated these shoes!

Jared had made reservations so we were taken directly to a table. I had never been inside a restaurant so nice before. I looked around at the lavish decorations and again was glad Amy had talked me out of my jeans.

As I looked at the menu I had to hold my breath not to gasp when I saw the prices. I searched for the cheapest thing I could find and even that was more than I had ever paid for a single meal.

After we ordered we began talking about our mutual classes and I was grateful for the familiarity of the topic. I began to relax as we talked and almost felt silly over how nervous I had been earlier. It was just Jared after all.

Our evening went smoothly, the conversation flowed well, and I was very impressed with the great effort Jared had put into the evening.

"I hope you had a good time tonight" Jared said as he drove me home.

"I had a great time!" I answered honestly "Thank you so much"

He smiled at my answer.

"You seemed so uncomfortable when I picked you up, I was worried you were regretting coming out with me tonight" The tone in his voice told me he was still a little worried about that.

"I regretted letting Amy play dress up with me." I assured him.

"She did a great job." He said smiling.

"Thanks, but next time let's go for something a little more casual, okay?"

"So there will be a next time?" he asked hopefully.

"Only if you want to go out again" I qualified, realizing I had assumed he did.

"Of course!" he exclaimed "Tomorrow night too soon?"

"I have to work," I laughed "but I'm off again Thursday"

"Thursday it is" he said triumphantly as we pulled to a stop in front of the dorms.

He walked me to the door, and I got a little nervous as we stopped to say goodbye. I hadn't been on many first dates before and never one this formal, I was afraid he might expect a goodnight kiss. I wasn't ready for that yet. I had a good time with Jared tonight, but I still wasn't sure if my feelings for him were romantic. I needed more time.

"I'm really glad we did this." He said

"Me too." I agreed reaching for the door.

"So I guess I'll see you Thursday?" he said it like a question, still worried that I might change my mind.

I felt bad for all the times I'd turned him down. He really was a great guy.

"Thursday"' I confirmed "and I'm wearing my jeans!" I reminded him.

I had the door open now and he just stared at me for a minute. It made me a little uncomfortable.

"What?" I asked nervously.

"Just trying to memorize the way you look right now, since I'll probably never see it again." he teased, then quickly added "not that you don't look great in jeans too!"

We both laughed. I was inside my room now and he sighed noting the distance between us.

"Thursday" he said nodding and then winked at me before turning to reluctantly walk away.

I closed the door and turned to face Amy. I had known she would wait up for me, so I wasn't surprised.

"I want all the juicy details!" she declared looking at me expectantly.

I rolled my eyes but proceeded to give her a rundown of the evening as I undressed. She suggested that we double date Thursday night with her and Dan and I agreed. I was a little nervous about what sort of expectations there would be at the end of a second date. I thought having some other people around might make it feel more casual.

As I lay in bed trying to fall asleep, I thought about how well the night had gone. Better than I'd expected. Jared was very easy to talk to and fun to be around. I was looking forward to Thursday, and that surprised me a little. I couldn't even remember why I had been so opposed to going out with him in the first place. Then I realized it was because this whole time I'd been hoping to run into my mystery man again, and I hadn't wanted to be dating someone else when I finally did. That seemed so ridiculous now. Saving myself for someone I didn't even know. It just wasn't healthy.

I was glad that I had finally agreed to go out with Jared. I had a good time, and I hadn't thought about the guy from the coffee shop all night. But now that I had thought of him, he consumed my thoughts again. I tried to picture Jared's face in my mind, but all I could see was _his_. It was his face that was in my head as I drifted off to sleep.

## Chapter 6: Freedom

I spent the summer after my mother's death traveling through Europe. A few days here, a few weeks there, depending on how much I liked the place. I was beginning to feel like a nomad, and I loved the freedom in that.

My whole life I had been so constrained, I had always been so obligated to everyone else around me. Now I had no one to answer to but myself. I carried all my belongings in a single shoulder bag. I could pick up and leave whenever the mood struck me. I was a free spirit, floating wherever the wind took me. But after several months the loneliness began to get to me.

It was a strange feeling not having anyone know where you were, having no one care. I missed having someone to talk to about my day, someone to laugh with someone to hang with. I missed Charlie. I had sent him a few letters in the last few months, but I had no return address for a reply. I never stayed anywhere long enough.

I was in France now. I liked it here. I sat at a small café in Paris watching the sunrise and writing another letter to Charlie. Telling him about all the places I'd seen since I'd last wrote.

"Vous habitez ici?" An exotic looking French woman at the table next to me was looking at me expectantly, so I assumed she was speaking to me.

"I'm sorry I don't speak French" I apologized.

She smiled at me as if I'd answered her question.

"Ah, an American" she replied with a sexy French accent "très beau" she added nodding approvingly.

I smiled nervously.

"Visiting?" she asked moving over to sit at my table.

"Yes" I felt a little intimidated by her; she seemed so bold and confident, different than any woman I had met before.

"Do you know anyone in Paris?" she questioned.

She seemed to be enjoying my obvious nervousness.

"No actually. I've been traveling for a while now. I've been in Paris just a few days."

She smiled again. She had full pouty lips, and a seductive smile.

"Un explorateur! Then you must let me show you the sights" she insisted. "What have you already seen?"

"Not much" I admitted.

I was grateful for the company. It was so nice to have someone to talk to after my months of solitude. Until she'd begun to speak to me I hadn't realized how starved for conversation I had been. I folded the unfinished letter to Charlie and put it in my bag, I could finish it later.

"What do you recommend?" I asked, accepting her invitation to be my tour guide.

"Mon nom est Gisselle, but you can call me Elle" She smiled her seductive smile and grabbed my hand pulling me up from the table, her caramel colored curls bouncing playfully at her shoulders.

"I'm Michael." I told her as I threw my bag over my shoulder and followed her from the café.

We spent the next several hours walking through the streets of Paris. She took me past Notre Dame and St. Chapelle, explaining the history of each with true reverence and passion. I wondered if she actually was a tour guide. She'd make a good one.

Next we visited the Louvre Museum. It was very impressive, but I had never been very comfortable in museums. Not since childhood. So we didn't stay long. We ate lunch at a little café nestled in the Tuileries Gardens. It was the most fun I'd had since coming to Europe.

My personal tour continued after lunch. Place de la Concorde, Pont Alexander III, Napoleon's tomb. She held my hand as she skipped through the ancient city enjoying my first impressions of monuments that she'd seen her whole life. She was truly magnetic. I followed her through Paris like a moth to a flame. Maybe it was just because of the intense isolation and loneliness that I'd been feeling, but I didn't want this day to end.

Our day finally did end at the ultimate tourist attraction: the Eiffel Tower. We had seen so much in a single day. I was near exhaustion as we quietly ate dinner. I realized this was the longest stretch of silence we'd shared since we met.

Had that only been this morning?

Elle had peppered me with questions all day, in between her descriptions of the places we'd been. I realized she had learned so much about me, but I knew very little of her.

"So did you grow up in Paris?" I asked as we were finishing our dinner.

"Yes" she answered.

I waited for her to elaborate but she said nothing more. I thought it was strange after how talkative she'd been all day. Maybe she was just as tired as I was.

"Do you live nearby?" I continued trying to learn a little bit more about her.

"Would you like to see where I live?" she asked with her bewitching smile returning.

I couldn't refuse. I didn't want to think about spending another night alone.

We left the restaurant and I followed her back to her place. This time we walked in silence. It was strange how the mood had changed. She had seemed so happy and carefree today. Now she seemed almost somber as she led me through the dark streets.

She lived in a small loft above some boutiques in a beautiful part of the city. It was just a single large room divided into sections by her furniture; several couches were grouped together in one corner, bookshelves lined that wall, an art easel with some paints and blank canvases sat in the other corner. Behind a Japanese screen I could see her bed jutting out from underneath the large windows.

"Do you paint?" I asked gesturing toward the evidence in the corner.

She just shrugged as she walked toward the small cabinet located across from her bed.

"Would you like some wine?" she asked as she poured herself a glass.

"Sure"

I was beginning to feel a little uncomfortable, wondering if she regretted inviting me to her house. She seemed so different all of a sudden.

We sat on one of her couches with our wine and I wondered if I should offer to leave. I wasn't sure if I knew how to get back to my hotel from here, especially at night.

"Why are you here Michael?" she asked seriously

"I can go." I said quickly, setting down my glass of wine

"No" she smiled "I meant why are you in Paris?" she clarified

"I...I don't know" I answered honestly "My mother died a few months ago and I just needed to get away. This is where I ended up."

Her expression softened.

"Did you leave anybody behind?" she asked.

I wasn't sure what she meant.

"Not really" I replied, my father didn't count.

"No girlfriend?" she probed.

Immediately my thoughts jumped to the beautiful waitress I had seen just before leaving San Diego. It annoyed me. Why would I think of her?

"No" I answered

"So what's next?" she asked.

It seemed as if she was trying to decide something about me.

"Whatever life brings, I suppose. I have no real plans."

It sounded more desolate than I intended. She reached her hand over and began gently stroking my hair near the base of my neck. It was soothing. Maybe it was the wine, or the exhaustion from the day, but before I knew it I had fallen asleep.

To my surprise I didn't dream of all the amazing sights I had seen that day. I didn't even dream of this strange exotic woman I had just met. Instead I dreamt of the one person who had consumed all my dreams since the day I first saw her. I dreamt of the beautiful waitress from back home.

## Chapter 7: The Wedding

My second date with Jared had been a double date with Amy and Dan. It was comfortable and fun. As I had hoped, having Amy and Dan there had eliminated any expectation of a romantic ending to the date. From then on, all of our dates were group outings. It didn't even really feel like dating, nothing formal like that first night, just hanging out with friends.

I liked Jared, he was nice and funny and easy to be around, but my feelings for him were nothing more than friendship. Our relationship was comfortable but undefined. He would always put his arm around me when we sat together, and attempted to hold my hand at every chance he got. But that is where our intimacy stopped.

I avoided any situation that would put us alone together, and I could tell that it bothered him but he never pushed the issue. Sometimes I wondered if it would be easier to just go ahead and have that awkward conversation about how we would never be more than friends, but I guess I was too much of a coward. I didn't want to hurt his feelings and he seemed content enough with how things were.

Jared and Dan had a great apartment off-campus. Amy and I hung out over there all the time. I wondered why Amy still lived in the dorms with me. I knew she could easily afford a nice apartment like theirs. I asked her about it once and she just shrugged and said she liked living with me.

Amy got me a job with the catering company she worked for. It had been hard to leave the coffee shop. It felt like I was leaving behind any chance of ever seeing my mystery man again, but it was time for me to move on.

I had been working as an assistant chef for the catering company for about 6 months. I was surprised by how much I enjoyed cooking and how good I was at it. I started cooking at Jared and Dan's place all the time. I loved trying out different recipes.

Pastries and deserts were my favorite thing to experiment with. The guys were always eager taste-testers for all my new creations. My life was finally falling back into a happy routine.

I was even beginning to see my future after college taking shape. I had decided on culinary school. The Art Institute of California had a great culinary program. Amy was looking into the Fashion Institute of Design and Merchandising. Both were located in San Diego, and we had found a nice apartment that was pretty well centered between the two.

My boss picked up on my ability to create fantastic deserts and that had quickly become my responsibility for all of our catering events. But when we booked a wedding I was surprised that he told me my job would be the cake. I had never made a wedding cake before. I began studying cake design books, and practiced for weeks with smaller versions. The guys loved eating my practice cakes.

Finally I made the real thing. It was a 6-tier masterpiece, each tier a square designed to look like a wrapped gift. I was so proud of it. I couldn't believe how well it turned out. My boss took one look at it and told me I was a natural.

"I hope they like it" I said nervously, peering out the kitchen doors into the large banquet hall. It was time to reveal the cake.

"Relax" Amy told me "They'll love it. It's absolutely beautiful! I had no idea you had such an artistic talent."

"Neither did I." I admitted laughing nervously.

She smiled at me one last time as her and one of the other servers carried my cake out of the kitchen. I anxiously watched the faces of the people in the room. Most looked impressed. I held my breath waiting for someone to look disappointed. No one did.

Slowly I began to breathe again. I had done it. My first wedding cake had been a success. I looked around the room triumphantly one more time, gauging the happy expressions of the wedding guests. I was just about to retreat back into the kitchen when the face of one of the guests made my heart stop.

It was him! I blinked rapidly trying to clear my vision. It couldn't possibly be him. It had been over a year since that night in the coffee shop when I first saw him. It felt like a lifetime ago. But now here he was standing only 20 feet away.

It couldn't be possible. I stood there transfixed. It was definitely him. I wouldn't mistake that face anywhere, I had seen it in my dreams nearly every night. Somehow he was even more handsome than I had remembered. I felt elated for the briefest moment. He had finally come back into my life. I realized that some part of me had always believed he would.

But this time would be different. This time I would meet him. Speak to him. My hands were shaking. My whole body was trembling. I had hoped for this chance every night when I went to work at the coffee shop, but I had never really believed it would happen. Now that I stood here staring at him I felt terrified.

What would I say to him? Would he remember me? What excuse did I have for approaching him? I wasn't a server. I wasn't even supposed to leave the kitchen. But I would, I had to. I needed to meet this man who had haunted my dreams and consumed my thoughts ever since I'd first seen him. I slowly started to walk toward him, still not sure what I would say.

"Michael" a beautiful woman called to him in a French accent.

I froze. I watched horrified as she walked up to him and wrapped her arms around his waist. He casually draped his arm over her shoulders. I felt dizzy. I watched in disbelief as my mystery man stood there with his arm around another woman. I watched as she tenderly kissed his neck and lazily twined her fingers through his hair. Then I turned to run back into the kitchen.

As soon as I was through the kitchen doors I collapsed to the floor. I sat there with my head between my knees hyperventilating. Tears of confusion and pain streamed down my face. Why did this man have such an effect on me?

Michael. That's what she'd called him. How many nights had I wondered what his name was? I hated that I had heard it for the first time in her voice. I felt so much bitterness toward this woman I didn't even know. I knew it was childish to feel jealous. He didn't belong to me. I didn't even know him. She did.

Why hadn't I ever considered the possibility that he might have a girlfriend, or even a wife? I shook with fresh sobs at the realization that he might actually be married. That thought was too painful to bear. I had to leave. Now.

I jumped up and grabbed my purse. I was still crying silently, but my new determination to run from this place had focused me. I was just going to slip out the back door. My part was done here, the cake was served, and the reception was almost over. I wouldn't be needed.

"Katherine?" I heard my boss call as I reached the back door.

I considered for a moment that I could just keep going, but I knew I shouldn't. I quickly composed myself, wiped my tears on my sleeve and turned to face him.

"Katherine, the bride and groom would like to thank you for the beautiful cake." he informed me.

I tried to smile, but I couldn't. The thought of walking out into the banquet hall was terrifying. Could I keep myself from crying if I saw him out there, with her?

"Katherine?" my boss asked in an annoyed tone.

He didn't understand the turmoil that was going on in my head. I didn't understand it either.

"Of course" I replied finding my smile and trying to look casual.

I followed him out of the kitchen and glanced around hesitantly. To my relief I didn't see him. I walked over to the happy new couple and I tried to look happy too.

"We just wanted to tell you what a wonderful job you did on the cake!" the bride was the first to speak "I couldn't have imagined anything better!" She smiled a genuine smile.

"Thank you" I said modestly. I just wanted to leave.

"No, thank you for making this day perfect for my new wife" the husband smiled lovingly at his bride, and I cringed on the inside.

I didn't know how much longer I could keep it together.

"We won't keep you long" she continued "I just wanted to show my appreciation for the amazing job you did."

She smiled at me again, but there was something in her expression that told me she could tell I was in pain. She looked almost concerned. I smiled back at her, shook hands with both of them, and then fled.

It was all I could do not to literally run from the building. I had ridden to the banquet hall in Amy's car but I didn't care. Campus was only a few blocks away so I ran all the way home.

How cruel was Fate? To bring him back into my life, just to break my heart? But would it have been better if I'd never seen him again? Maybe this was better.

Now I knew he was with someone else. Now I knew he would never be with me. Had I ever really thought that he would? I had fantasized about it, but had I ever really thought it would happen?

It didn't matter anymore. Now I knew. He didn't belong to me, he never did, and he never would. As soon as I made it back to the dorms I ran to my room and cried myself to sleep.

## Chapter 8: Home

Time has a strange way of moving in lulls and lurches. The last few years I'd been in San Diego had seemed at the time to stretch out infinitely, whereas these months I had spent living in Paris had flown by in the blink of an eye.

I never left Elle's apartment after that first night. Our relationship hadn't followed a natural course. It wasn't like we'd been dating and then decided to move in together. It was more like I had spent the night one night and just never left. She didn't seem to mind, and at first I was just grateful for the company. I had spent so much time alone before I'd met her and it was nice to have someone to share my days with. Or my nights at least.

Our relationship was hard to define. We were definitely more than friends. That was obvious from the way she seduced me nearly every night. She was so seductive in the evenings, dripping with sensuality as soon as she walked through the door. At night she reminded me of the person she was the first day we met. Confident and bold, she knew exactly what she wanted from me and she took it. I always felt so powerless around her. But in the morning she would be someone else.

Most mornings she was gone by the time I woke up. When we did wake at the same time she would always seem so cold and distant, dressing quickly and fleeing from the loft as if she was trying to escape me. Every day I would be left to wonder if she regretted having me here. I would tell myself that this would be the last day. That I would leave tonight. But I couldn't leave without telling her goodbye, so I would be ready for that farewell scene every night when she came home.

However, she was a completely different person at the end of the day. She would throw her arms around me as soon as she entered the door. Telling me how much she'd missed me kissing my face and neck, running her hands through my hair. I would be so lost in the pleasure of the moment that I would forget everything I had planned to say to her. And so this confusing pattern repeated itself each day.

I filled my days wandering the streets of Paris, wondering about what direction my life would take next. I felt like I was in limbo. Waiting for something, I just didn't know what it was. I had begun painting and drawing to pass the time. Elle insisted that she didn't mind me using the art supplies she had in the corner. Back at UCSD I had taken a variety of courses, basically anything that wouldn't resemble the requirements for a business degree. Which had led me to take several art classes. Anything my father couldn't easily capitalize on.

I drew from the memories of the basic art classes I had taken back home to guide me, and was surprised with how naturally it came to me. I started simple, a bowl of fruit, a vase with flowers. Then I became bored with sitting in the loft everyday painting inanimate objects. So I started carrying a sketchpad around with me and drawing the beautiful city that was my temporary home.

I mostly sketched scenery at first. The Seine River, the Eiffel Tower. But then I became interested in the faces of the people around me. I would sit in a park and try to draw the people who were lounging there. It was mostly the faces of women that drew my attention. I found myself looking for something in them, something that was missing. Something I couldn't find. It was funny how all my sketches never quite looked like the woman I was trying to draw. I couldn't find my muse.

I was so excited when a letter from Charlie came in the mail. It was nice to hear from someone back home. It wasn't until that moment that I realized how homesick I felt. Charlie and Claire were getting married. They wanted me to come home for the wedding.

I told Elle about it that night when she came home and I was surprised at her reaction. She wanted to come with me. I had almost expected her to be glad that I was leaving. I never knew what to expect with her changing personalities.

She seemed so excited about the prospect of coming to San Diego that I wondered if she only wanted to come along because she had never been to America. I doubted that she wanted to come just to be with me. I couldn't refuse her request to come along. I couldn't refuse anything when she looked at me the way she did at night.

The plane trip was long and silent. I was lost in thought, and she was the cold person again. She was so confusing. It was true that our nights were filled with passion, but I knew we didn't love each other. The thought of leaving Paris had crossed my mind many times, and I wasn't even bothered by the thought of leaving her. I knew she wouldn't be sad about losing me either.

We were living together, but we were living separate lives that only crossed paths at night. We were different people at night. She was filled with passion and I was helpless to resist driven by my overwhelming loneliness. But I often felt like she was just using me to fill some role that could have been filled by just about anybody else. There was nothing special between us. We were just two lost people using each other for companionship. But even that wasn't enough for me anymore. I was getting restless.

My suspicions to her motives for coming along were confirmed when the plane landed. She immediately wanted me to take her around and show her all the sights. I obliged, being her tour guide just as she had been mine when we first met. She was very excited to be experiencing something new, and I did enjoy showing her around.

All of the sight seeing was also an easy excuse to put off introducing her to Charlie and Claire until the day of the wedding. For some reason I was very apprehensive about how they would react to her. Maybe I was just afraid that they would see through the façade that even I was having a hard time accepting these days.

Of course they were both very polite, I hadn't really expected any less. Charlie winked at me suggestively when Elle wasn't looking and I tried to ignore him. Claire smiled at her kindly, but looked at me with the concern I had anticipated. Claire had always been a very perceptive person, and she was a very good judge of character. Could she sense something was wrong between us? I didn't have long to wonder.

"Do you love her?" Claire asked as we danced around the reception hall.

She looked very pretty in her white wedding dress. I was surprised I had been able to pull her away from Charlie when I asked to cut in.

"No." I answered honestly.

There was no reason to lie.

"Why are you still in Paris?" she probed

"I don't know. Why not?" I tried to sound nonchalant, but that same question had been in the back of my mind for a while now. Leave it to Claire to bring it to the surface.

"Come home Michael." Claire pleaded

"Why? What is there for me here?" I questioned.

"What is there for you there?" she countered.

I didn't have an answer for that. I knew she was right. But how could I tell her that I stayed because I had no idea what to do next. I had no direction. No plans, no dreams, no future. I didn't want to dump all my pain on her, especially on her wedding day. I was relieved when Charlie came over to steal her back and effectively end our conversation.

Then the music came to an end as they brought out the wedding cake and all the guests crowded around to admire it. It was a very extraordinary cake. I had never seen any quite like it. While Charlie and Claire cut the cake I stood a few feet away talking with one of my old classmates. Elle danced up to my side wrapping her arms around my waist. I put my arm around her and enjoyed the impressed expression on the face of the guy I was talking to.

She was a very attractive woman, if only he knew how emotionless she could be. She was the seductive Elle right now. She kissed my neck and ran her fingers through my hair. I laughed to myself thinking the time change must have affected her mood swings. She wasn't usually like this during daylight hours.

After the cake had been cut and the reception was drawing to a close I decided it was time to make my exit. I looked around the room trying to find Charlie and Claire so that I could wish them well one more time before I left. When I found them they were talking to a woman over by the kitchen.

I recognized her instantly. My heart began racing. I forgot how to breathe. Could it really be her? How long had it been since I'd seen her that first night in the coffee shop? Was it possible that Fate would be so kind as to cross our paths again?

I watched her talking with Claire and it occurred to me that her expression looked pained. I wondered what was making her look so sad. Instinctively I wanted to comfort her. But first I had to meet her. I wouldn't miss my chance this time. I pulled away from Elle's embrace and started walking across the room. The room was crowded, but I pushed through it as quickly as I could.

I watched as she shook hands with Charlie and Claire and then quickly made her escape. I panicked as I tried to move faster. I had to catch her. What would I say? Would she remember me? I had to find out.

By the time I reached the place she had been, she was already gone. I ran out the door after her, searching frantically now. Where had she gone? I looked everywhere, but saw no sign of her. This couldn't be possible! How could this be happening again?

I ran through the parking lot, circling back around the building. How could she have left so fast? She had to have been running! But what was she running from? I didn't want to give up my search, but I realized I had no clue as to the direction she had gone.

Slowly I walked back inside and met the confused faces of Charlie and Claire. They had seen me run from the building, and it was obvious they were waiting for some sort of explanation. I didn't know how to explain.

"You okay?" Charlie asked

"Who was that woman you were talking to?" I asked, ignoring his question

"I think her name was Katherine" Claire offered. "She works for the catering service, she made the cake." She explained.

"Katherine" I repeated.

For so long I had wondered what her name was. Now I knew. But did it matter? Would I ever see her again? Yes. I told myself. I had to.

Now that I knew where she worked I could find her. Maybe I could throw some kind of party and hire them. I wondered what reason I could possibly come up with for having a catered party.

Some part of my brain registered the fact that both Claire and Charlie were speaking to me, but I didn't care. I turned and walked away leaving them with bewildered expressions. I would have to explain later, once I had time to come up with a reasonable excuse. I couldn't exactly tell them that I was in love with the woman who had made their wedding cake, even though I'd never met her. They would think I was crazy. I felt crazy.

But first things first, I thought as I looked back at Elle. It was time to send her home. I would not be going back with her.

## Chapter 9: Escape

After the first time I'd seen Michael I had spent months hoping that I would see him around every corner. Now I feared the same thing. I feared the pain that would come if I saw him again. It was just unbearable. I had to leave. I couldn't stay a minute longer.

Something obviously drew Michael to this area. I had seen him here twice now, albeit a year apart. I knew it was completely irrational, but all I could think of was escape. I only had a few weeks left until graduation. I would have been leaving soon anyway. Three short years and I had finished college.

I made arrangements to take my finals early. I would still receive my degree. I just wouldn't have a graduation ceremony. I didn't care.

I just couldn't risk seeing Michael again. I could barely stand thinking his name, although I secretly longed to hear it spoken from his own voice. But that would never be. I was leaving to make sure of that. I just couldn't bear the heartbreak of seeing him again. I wasn't even sure why I felt that way exactly, but I knew I would have time to sort my feelings out later. The only thing I was sure of was that I needed to leave.

I was already enrolled to start at the Art Institute in the fall. Amy was going to spend the summer traveling with her parents as usual and we had planned to wait until the fall to move into the apartment we'd found together. I got lucky that it was vacant early. Within a week I had moved. I never went back to work for the catering company. I just ran. I ran from every place where I had seen him.

It was strange living alone at first, but it was nice having everything so new. Nothing was familiar. Nothing held a memory, or expectation. I enjoyed my solitude. I needed it.

I found a job at a nice little restaurant in walking distance from my apartment. When I wasn't at the restaurant I was at the beach. I had found a perfect spot where I could be alone with my thoughts. It was just a short hike to the edge of a cliff. I'm not sure how I found it, the path that led to the cliff was completely overgrown. I was just wandering hopelessly one day and suddenly I felt compelled to explore and follow a barely visible path that caught my eye.

Something drew me there, as if I knew where I was going even though I'd never been there before. When I emerged out onto the cliff I was overwhelmed with a feeling of coming home. I couldn't explain it, but I felt good when I was there so I went there as often as I could. From that spot I could see miles of coastline and open-ocean. I felt free and happy. My favorite time of day was sunset.

I loved watching the ocean catch fire with reds and golds as the sun seemed to sink right into it. Some nights I would stay long after dark until I couldn't tell where the stars ended and the ocean began. It was peaceful there.

I spent hours on that cliff trying to make sense of the feelings I had for a stranger. Because, if I was being honest with myself, that's really all he was. We had never met. Never spoke. I'd only seen him twice. Or was it three times? Does a dream count?

The strange familiarity of his eyes and the weird connection they had to my recurring nightmare left me more confused than ever. What did it mean? Was it just some weird trick of my subconscious? Why couldn't I stop thinking of him? Why did seeing him affect me so strongly?

That is how I spent my summer. Staring at the ocean. Trying to understand why he felt so connected to my life. Why I was so emotionally connected to him. It wasn't like me to feel strong emotions for people I did know, let alone someone I didn't.

Never the less, the thought of him put butterflies in my stomach and the possibility that he might be married made me want to cry. I couldn't explain it, but that first night when our eyes met it felt like our souls had connected. Something deep inside me recognized him, even if my conscious mind didn't. For some reason I couldn't explain I felt absolutely sure that he was the one I was meant to be with and at the same time complete and utter despair at the realization that it would never happen. None of it made any sense.

Then after a long summer of pining, mourning and pondering I finally decided it didn't matter. I needed to stop thinking about him. I wouldn't allow myself to think about him, at least not while I was awake. Dreams were safely out of my control. But my waking hours would be devoted to diligently not thinking about him.

I was so excited the day Amy finally came home. I decided to invite some friends over to surprise her. I figured it would be a perfect way to end my summer of solitude and welcome her into our apartment. I invited Jared and Dan over and a couple of girls from the catering company we used to work for. I was looking forward to seeing my friends again, especially Amy.

"Oh, Katherine!" Amy exclaimed throwing her arms around me before she was even through the door. "I missed you so much!"

"I missed you too." I said hugging her as the truth of those words sank through me.

"You haven't done anything with the apartment!" she exclaimed as she looked around at our apartment taking in the bare walls and sparse furniture.

"Just waiting for you." I smiled at her disapproving smirk.

The knowledge that she got to do the primary decorating of our new apartment instantly brightened her expression.

"I can't wait to show you everything I got this summer!" she said reaching for the extra suitcase that she hadn't had when she left.

I laughed again. It was so nice to have her energy back around me. I wasn't sure if I'd laughed all summer.

"We've got some company coming over soon." I told her. "You've got enough time to shower and change. We'll have to have show-and-tell later."

"Who's coming over?" she asked excitedly.

"Just a few friends. Samantha and Christy, I think Christy might be bringing her boyfriend, plus Jared...." I paused watching the tension grow on her face "and Dan of course."

Her face immediately lit into a huge smile.

"Dan's on his way over? Right now? Which one is my room?" She asked eyeing the two doors along the far wall. I pointed to the door on the left and she ran for the bedroom pulling her new suitcase with her.

While she changed, I went to the kitchen to start dinner. I had been marinating a pork tenderloin all day and so I slipped it into the oven while I made the au gratin potatoes and sautéed green beans to go with it. I was excited about my first dinner party. I had learned a lot working at the restaurant over the summer and I was ready to show off my new skills.

Our friends started arriving just as I was finishing up in the kitchen. Christy was the first to arrive with her boyfriend Kevin. Christy had been a server at the catering company that Amy and I used to work for. I had never met Kevin before.

"Sam couldn't make it" Christy explained as she and Kevin came inside "She said to tell you she was sorry."

"That's ok." I smiled "More food for us."

"It smells fantastic" she commented sniffing the air and looking toward the kitchen

"Oh, this is Kevin." she said realizing she hadn't introduced him yet.

"Nice to meet you" he said shyly. I could tell he wasn't thrilled that she had brought him along. He seemed uncomfortable.

"You too," I replied. "I've heard a lot about you."

This seemed to embarrass him even more. He blushed as he looked over at Christy and she looked embarrassed too. I felt a little awkward. I wasn't sure what else to say. I really didn't know Christy that well, she and Amy were friends, but I'd only known her from work.

"Still catering?" I asked Christy, searching for a topic.

"Yeah, same old same old. Oh, by the way, some guy called looking for you."

"What was his name?" I asked absently.

"I don't know. He didn't say. Just asked if you worked there. I told him you quit and he asked if I knew where to find you. I thought it was kind of creepy so I lied and said I didn't. Thought he might be some weird stalker who saw you at an event or something." She shrugged as she finished recounting her story.

Michael's face flashed in my mind. But I knew that wasn't possible. Why would he be looking for me? It was just wishful thinking. He probably hadn't given me a second thought since that first night in the coffee shop. Besides, he didn't know I worked for that catering company, and I was sure he hadn't seen me at the wedding. He was too busy with her. I cringed as I remembered the image of them standing together wrapped in each other's arms. Then I pushed the image of him out of my mind. That was exactly the type of breach I couldn't allow. I would not think of him.

"That's weird." Was the only reply I could think of "I'm going to go check on dinner" I lied, "Please have a seat"

I gestured to the couch as I escaped into the kitchen to check on the food that was already finished. Christy and Kevin sat down and began talking quietly.

Amy came out of her room a few minutes later and looked absolutely amazing in her new clothes. She hugged Christy and I was grateful when they started talking about her traveling adventures over the summer and the conversation began to flow more comfortably. Kevin still looked uncomfortable, though. I thought maybe it was because he was the only guy here.

"Dan and Jared should be here soon." I said, hoping that might relax him a little "As soon as they get here we can start dinner"

Kevin did look a little relieved when I mentioned the guys coming over and it wasn't long before they knocked on the door. Amy jumped up and ran to answer it.

"Hey Babe" Dan smiled at her and she threw herself into his arms.

They stood in the doorway kissing for a few minutes until Jared cleared his throat.

"Think we can move inside the apartment?" Jared asked laughing.

"Sorry" Amy apologized releasing her hold on Dan and letting them inside.

Dan wrapped his arm around her as they walked into our apartment. Jared followed them inside and looked at me almost expectantly. I felt nervous all of a sudden. Did he expect that same kind of greeting from me? I hadn't seen Jared all summer, he had called a few times but I had been able to make excuses about work to avoid him.

We hadn't really said goodbye when I moved. Just a casual "see you later". I wondered if he thought we were still some kind of couple. Not that we'd been much of one before. I had always just thought of him as a friend, but I knew he had wanted more.

"Hey" I said walking over to him smiling nervously.

He leaned in like he was going to kiss me, but I turned my face to the side as I hugged him. I could feel his shoulders slump slightly from the disappointment.

"I missed you." He whispered into my ear.

"Um, yeah, it has been a while hasn't it." I pulled away from the intimate embrace and tried to smile casually.

I didn't want to be mean, but I didn't want to lead him on either. I hadn't missed him, at least not any more than I had missed Dan. I actually had only really missed Amy. I looked for her now and found her and Dan making out in the corner.

Christy and Kevin were sitting silently on the couch, both looking a little uncomfortable now. Jared was looking dejected, waiting for some response from me that I couldn't give.

"Who's hungry?" I asked trying to shift everyone's attention.

It worked and everyone eagerly followed me to the dining room. We ate and shared stories about how we'd spent our summers. I didn't really have much to tell about mine, but Amy had a million stories to make up for it. Jared told us about how he was working for his father now, and how he planned to be a junior partner by next year. When he spoke he looked only at me.

"I think we're going to take off." Christy said as soon as we'd finished eating.

"But we haven't had dessert yet" I protested, "That's the best part!"

She looked nervously over at Kevin, who still didn't look completely relaxed and I understood.

"I've got a really early morning" she started to explain.

"Ok, maybe next time" I told her smiling.

She seemed relieved and after a quick goodbye with Amy she and Kevin left.

"What's for dessert?" Dan asked as soon as they were out the door.

"Saved the best for last!" I winked as I went into the kitchen to bring out the chocolate soufflés.

Everyone raved over how fantastic they were and it felt so nice to have my friends around me again. Just like it used to be.

However, as soon as we finished with dessert Amy offered to give Dan a "grand tour" of the apartment that started and ended with her bedroom, leaving Jared and me alone.

Jared helped me clear the table and wash the dishes. We worked quietly side by side in the kitchen. The casual atmosphere had lifted and I felt nervous again.

"I really meant it when I said I missed you" he finally broke the silence.

I wished he hadn't, I wasn't sure how to respond. I decided it was time for the awkward conversation I'd been avoiding.

"Jared" I started, but he interrupted me

"There's something I have to tell you, and I need to just say it." He took a deep breath and then looked at me with determination.

"I love you Katherine." He finally blurted out.

I just stared at him dumbfounded.

"I've been thinking about you all summer and it made me realize how much I care about you" he continued "I know it's not as easy for you, but I can be patient. I'll give you all the time you need. Just give me a chance."

He looked at me pleadingly and I knew it was my turn to speak.

"I don't know, Jared. I'm not really sure if I want to be with anybody right now"

It was the best excuse I could come up with. I didn't know how to tell him that I didn't love him the way he wanted me to. That I had tried before and I knew it just wasn't there. I was trying to find the best way to explain that to him, but before I could say anything else he was kissing me.

At first I was too surprised to do anything but stand there. Then I decided to kiss him back. I closed my eyes and allowed myself to feel his lips pressed against mine, to feel his strong arms pulling my body tightly against his. I wanted to feel something for him. I tried. But there was nothing there so I pulled away.

"I just can't" was all I could say before I was choked by tears, and I ran for the door.

I went straight to the beach. Fate was so cruel! I couldn't have the man I longed for and I couldn't love the man who longed for me. What was wrong with me? I felt broken. My heart didn't work right. Maybe it didn't know how.

I wanted to love Jared. I wanted to be happy with him. Maybe I could if I tried harder. I could pretend at least. But would that be fair to him? Didn't he deserve better than someone who only pretended to love him? Surely there was someone out there who really could love him. I knew there had to be.

But what about me? Was there someone out there that I could love? Deep in my heart I knew there was. I already loved him. I didn't know why or how it was even possible, but I was in love with a man I'd never met. A man I could never have. I really was broken.

I needed to clear my head. I felt so confused. I began climbing the trail to the cliff, but stopped before reaching the end. Someone was already there. In my spot! Sure it was a public beach, I didn't own this spot but it was mine. And I needed it right now more than ever.

I stared at the back of the guy's head and I was so mad I wanted to throw a rock at it! How dare he take my spot! All the times I'd come here over the summer no one had ever been here, and now the one time I needed this spot the most someone was already there. Tears were silently streaming down my face as I turned around and walked away.

## Chapter 10: Searching

My farewell with Elle was unemotional. We had planned on leaving the day after the wedding to go back to Paris, so that night I told her I would not be going back with her. She just smiled with a sad look in her eyes kissed me once saying "au revoir".

She was gone when I woke up in the morning.

Charlie and Claire had offered to let me stay at their place while they were on their honeymoon. I appreciated their kindness, but I knew they would need their privacy when they got back so finding my own place was definitely a priority.

I was nervous and excited about the prospect of finally meeting Katherine. It was so nice to finally know her name. It made her feel more real to me, not just the girl from my dreams.

The anticipation of finally getting to meet her was almost too much to take. I was tempted to call the catering service the very day after the wedding, to ask for her and arrange a meeting. But suddenly I was apprehensive. How would she react to my call? Would it totally freak her out to have some stranger call her out of the blue and ask to meet her? Of course it would. I had to find a way to meet her casually, but how? And what would she think of me?

I had nothing to offer her. I was 26 years old and I had absolutely nothing to my name. No car, no money, no job, not even my own place. I was suddenly terrified that she would have no interest in getting to know me. But at the same time a small part of me felt like she was longing for this reunion as much as I was. How strange that it felt like a reunion when we had never actually met.

I was drawn to her, of that I was sure and I owed it to myself to find her, to meet her. There had to be some reason that our paths had crossed again. Like Fate was trying to bring us together.

I decided that I needed to get my feet on the ground before I found her. It didn't take me long to get settled. I had found an apartment by the time Charlie and Claire got back, but I only had a little money left in my savings. Seven years' worth of savings spent in once careless year floating through Europe. I needed to find a job fast.

I went by the radio station at UCSD and my old station manager put in a good word for me with the marketing department since they had an opening. It was amazing how easy it was to start my life back up almost where I'd left off, like the last year hadn't even happened. It was strange being back in San Diego. I had never planned on coming back. But I had a reason to be here and now that I was settled it was all I could think about.

I started my search at the last place I'd seen her. I got the phone number for the catering company from Claire and I called to see if they could tell me how I could reach her. I was shocked when a woman told me she had quit and she didn't know where to find her. It hadn't been that long since I'd seen her.

I thought about that day and remembered how upset she'd seemed. She had practically run from the building. I wanted desperately to know what could have happened that might have caused her to quit her job.

Then I thought back to the first night I'd seen her in the coffee shop. From the moment our eyes met I had been determined to meet her, but then in one brief moment everything changed and my course was altered. I wondered if she had experienced a similar life altering moment on that fateful day just a few weeks ago.

How strange it would be for some sort of tragedy to strike her life on the same day that our paths crossed again. Was Fate actually trying to bring us together or keep us apart?

All I knew for sure was that I needed to meet her. Something was pulling me to her, something strong. I regretted not meeting her that night in the coffee shop. I regretted not going inside the coffee shop to look for her the next day. I was not going to miss my chance again. I would find her.

I spent the summer searching the UCSD campus and surrounding areas. I had to enroll as a student again to have full access, so I decided to take some more art classes. I had grown to love art during my year in Paris. I was eager to expand my knowledge and ability.

I spent every night at the coffee shop, hoping and praying that I might see her. I asked around but no one seemed to know her. I watched for her everywhere I went, but after several months I began to lose hope. I didn't know where else to look. I didn't know where to go.

So I went to the one place I always went when I needed to figure things out. I went to the beach. I easily found my favorite little cliff. I had spent so many nights there in the past. It was nice to be back. More than anywhere else I had been since coming back to San Diego, this place felt like home. I stared out at the stars and thought about my future.

My life had been frozen for so many years. I had gone from my controlled existence with my father to my aimless existence with Elle. I was ready for my life to have direction. The summer art classes I was taking would actually satisfy all the credits I needed for a bachelor's degree. I could graduate.

I thought of how ironic that was, to have fought so hard against my father only to come back and do exactly what he had wanted. But this time it wouldn't be for him. It would be for me. I knew I would never stop looking for Katherine, but I needed to start moving forward.

As I stood there gazing down at the moonlit waves imagining her face I heard someone walk up behind me. I didn't turn around. I tried to ignore them so that they would leave. But I could tell they didn't leave immediately and I was just about to turn around when I finally heard them walk away. I wondered who else would be out here so late. I had never seen anyone on this cliff before.

I went back to my apartment that night with a new determination. I would graduate. I would get a degree and move forward with my life. If I was meant to find Katherine again I would. And for some reason I felt confident that I would see her again. There was something about her, something about how she made me feel, I knew I was meant to meet her. It was only a matter of time.

I was focused on my new goal. I quickly completed the necessary credits to obtain my degree and had decided to enroll at the Art Institute of California. Drawing was becoming my obsession. I would carry my sketchpad everywhere with me, just like I had in Paris. But this time I was practicing techniques and styles. I was challenging myself with various types of scenery. Back at my apartment I would paint over some of my sketches adding color and life to the pictures that were my favorite. Most of my paintings were of the ocean.

I never stopped looking for Katherine. Every slender brunette with long hair caught my attention if only momentarily. But as soon as I saw that it wasn't her I lost all interest. I realized that none of those women would have ever caught my attention had I never seen her. It's as if my heart knew that it belonged to her even before I did. Until that first night in the coffee shop no woman was of any interest to me, and now only she was. My heart came alive the first time I saw her, and now it only beat for her. But I continued moving forward.

I started the fall semester at the Art Institute and decided it would be easier to find an apartment closer to campus. I had been able to buy a broken down old truck, but the less I had to use it the better. I was lucky that only a few months into the semester an apartment in walking distance to the campus became available. Charlie offered to help me move.

"I don't remember you having this much stuff when we lived together." Charlie complained looking at the tower of boxes in my small apartment.

"Me neither" I laughed.

I wondered how much of it could be left behind and not missed. I was not looking forward to the multiple trips across town to relocate it all. I hated moving.

"Where do you want to start?" Charlie asked clapping his hands together. "Big furniture or boxes?"

"Let's get the big stuff out of the way." I suggested and we began loading my truck.

I only had a few large pieces of furniture: a bed, couch, dresser and my art easel. We were able to fit it all in one load. It was a short trip across town and we unloaded the truck in front of my new apartment building.

I had been told that students mostly occupied this building due to its close proximity to the Art Institute. The only reason I was able to get an apartment this time of year was because some guy had dropped out.

I was relieved that we had been able to get all the furniture over in one trip. One more would probably get all the boxes. My mood was beginning to brighten as I realized this might not take all day.

My lighter mood quickly darkened when I saw the Out of Order sign hung across the elevator doors. My apartment was on the 3rd floor!

"You've got to be kidding me." Charlie muttered noting the sign.

"Maybe we should just leave the furniture down here and run back to get the boxes." He suggested.

"Do you think anyone would mind?" I didn't want to make a bad first impression with my new neighbors.

"It'll be fine" he assured me. "Looks like that old hallway over there is just a dead end, we can leave the stuff there and it shouldn't be in anybody's way. Besides we won't be long"

I looked down the short hallway and saw that there were no doors. The hallway did continue around a bend but I couldn't imagine anyone's room being down there. So we moved everything into the hallway and went back for the load of boxes.

When we got back with the truck full of boxes we began lugging them up the stairs first. After 5 trips up the three flights of stairs the boxes finally filled my new apartment. I was already exhausted and dreaded the long trip with the larger pieces of furniture.

"How about we just get the bed up here tonight?" Charlie suggested mirroring my thoughts.

"Works for me" I panted trying to catch my breath.

We moved the bed upstairs with great effort and I gladly collapsed on it as soon as it hit the floor.

"I'm almost tempted to move the couch up here just so I can crash on it and not have to drive home. I'm exhausted!" Charlie exclaimed.

I laughed but didn't move from my position face down on the bed. He promised to come back in the morning to help me with the rest. I was asleep before he was out the door.

Charlie woke me early the next morning and my muscles protested as I pulled myself out of bed. I was practically sleep walking as I followed Charlie down the stairs.

"Oops, I guess someone did mind"

Charlie's strange comment woke me from my stupor and I looked up to see a handwritten sign attached to my easel.

Move your stuff

I stared at the piece of paper and thought: So much for neighborly hospitality. It's not like my "stuff" was actually blocking anything, it was just sitting in some abandoned back hallway. I began to bristle at how rude it was for someone to put a note on my things assuming I was some degenerate that would just leave my furniture there and forget about it. I tore the paper off my easel and crumpled it up throwing it to the floor.

"Come on" I grumbled to Charlie as I grabbed one end of the couch.

He picked up his end and we moved silently to the staircase. We were just about to the second floor when I heard some girls coming down the stairs. I couldn't see them because the couch obstructed my view.

"Excuse me." I heard one of them say sounding a little annoyed.

"Where do you want me to go? I'm holding a couch!" Charlie retorted, clearly annoyed himself.

I strained to look around the couch but couldn't see anything. I could tell Charlie had stopped moving so I just stood there holding one end of the heavy couch wondering what the hold up was.

Finally I realized we were standing still to allow the girls to slide past us. They were carrying some large box and both were moving extremely slowly like the box held some very fragile cargo. I was tired and annoyed with their slow pace. Could they not see we were holding a couch? As the girls passed I tried to catch a glimpse of them. One was blonde and the other brunette, both with matching cropped hairstyles.

"Must be our considerate new neighbor." The brunette mumbled as they passed.

I wondered if she was the one who had left the note.

"You know you could have used the freight elevator instead of blocking it!" She called over her shoulder as they rounded the corner.

I turned to ask her what she meant but they were already gone from sight.

We finally got the couch to the apartment and sat down for a few minutes to recover before we headed back down to get the easel and dresser. When we got back down stairs I saw the same crumpled paper straightened back out and re-attached to my easel. This time it had a new message

Look down the hall

I did, and was embarrassed to find a freight elevator just around the bend. The trip up with the remaining furniture was much easier in the elevator.

I thought about the brunette girl from the stairs and wasn't exactly sure what to think of her. Her first note and behavior on the stairs was rude, but I was grateful that she had taken the time to update her note and alert me to the existence of the extra elevator. If I saw her again I would thank her.

I thanked Charlie for his help and he assured me that it would be re-paid once he and Claire had saved up enough for their first house.

After he left, the image of the girl I had seen on the stairs nagged at me. Her brunette hair had been short, but it had been the exact same color, and she had been tall and slender. I wished I had seen her face. Surely it couldn't be her. I shouldn't get my hopes up. But the curiosity was planted. I hoped I would bump into her again. That shouldn't be too hard, I thought, since it seemed we lived in the same building.

## Chapter 11: The Bakery

I didn't see Jared again after that night that I'd run from him and left him standing in my apartment. I felt guilty, but also relieved that he hadn't called.

I had exactly what I needed: a fresh start. A new school, a new apartment, a new look. A new me. I had asked Amy to cut my hair in a style similar to hers. At first she protested, but finally agreed. It was strange having short hair, but I liked it. I felt like a new person.

I absolutely loved the culinary program at the Art Institute. I knew I had found my calling. I wasn't so thrilled, however, with my apartment near campus. It had been quiet the summer I had spent there alone, but as soon as the fall semester started the building had filled up. We lived on the second floor and the guy who lived directly above us was apparently a musician and he played the tuba all night long.

He played the creepiest music. It was like living in some sort of really long drawn out scary movie. At first it was unnerving to lie in bed hearing the strange tunes wafting through the walls in the middle of the night. It sounded like the kind of music you heard in horror movies right before the crazed serial killer attacks the unsuspecting victims.

After a couple of months, I was praying for the serial killer to just show up already. I was so relieved when I saw him moving out mid-semester. Anyone would be better than him.

The apartment was not vacant for long. One Sunday shortly after the tuba player had moved out I noticed somebody had left a bunch of furniture stacked in the hallway leading to the freight elevator. I was a little annoyed because the passenger elevator was out of order and I couldn't get around the furniture to get to the only other elevator down the blocked hall. But I figured it wouldn't kill me to walk up the two flights of stairs to my apartment. I was sure the person was just in the process of moving their stuff and it would be gone in the morning.

That next morning I had a very important presentation to give in one of my baking classes and I had stayed up all night working on my project. It was a specialty cake that I had designed myself. I stacked several layers of flat rounds to create a pillar. Then I carved a perfect sphere out of angel food cake to top it off. I iced the globe an iridescent blue so that it resembled a crystal ball. The bottom layers were iced with a dark chocolate to mimic a wooden podium holding the crystal ball. It had taken me four tries to get that crystal ball just right, but sometime around sunrise I had finished and it was perfect. The instructor had simply told us to create something original, and I had allowed my imagination to run wild. It had been exhilarating and I couldn't wait to make my presentation.

The cake stood nearly two feet tall with a rather narrow base, so I knew moving it from my second floor apartment and across the street to campus was not going to be an easy feat. I carefully loaded my cake into a box and took it down the freight elevator, only when I got to the lobby I found that the furniture was still blocking the hallway and I had no way to maneuver around it. I had never been so irritated.

I hadn't slept all night. I was anxious, exhausted and terrified that my work of art was going to be destroyed on the short trip to the school. Now after having successfully gotten my cake downstairs I was going to have to take my cake back up the elevator and carry it down two flights of stairs.

I was so annoyed with how inconsiderate this person had been to leave their furniture blocking the one working elevator in the building. I couldn't resist, I had to express my anger at them so that they knew their thoughtless behavior had not gone unnoticed. I scribbled a quick note and attached it to the easel. An artist, go figure. Probably some self-indulgent, narcissistic type.

I then went back to my apartment and asked Amy if she could help me carry the cake downstairs. As we delicately balanced the box and slowly made our way down the stairs an inch at a time we suddenly came to a standstill. I was behind the box and I wasn't sure what was holding us up, then I heard Amy talking abruptly with someone.

When we finally started moving again I saw a couple of guys were trying to carry a couch up the stairs. My anger flared as I realized these must be the careless newcomers that had blocked the elevator. Obviously they didn't know it existed since they were carrying their couch up the stairs and I hoped it made them feel really stupid when I told them about it.

However, by the time I made it down the stairs I felt bad for having been rude even though they had deserved it after having so rudely blocked the elevator. Of course, I reasoned with myself, if they didn't know it was there I guess it wasn't intentional. I cooled down and decided to leave another note, this time telling them how to find the elevator.

It wasn't like me to snap at someone the way I had on the stairwell. I was exhausted and annoyed, but that was no excuse. For a few weeks I was anxious about running into my new neighbors again. But I didn't really get a good look at either one of them so I wasn't sure if I ever saw them again. As I had hoped, they were much quieter than their predecessor and so I didn't give them much more thought.

Time was passing quickly again. It was easy to lose myself in my culinary studies. When I wasn't at school I was at work. I spent most of my waking hours in a kitchen, and loved every minute of it. The head chef at my restaurant was impressed with the dessert selections I created and asked me to run a nightly dessert special.

I developed a bit of a reputation in the surrounding neighborhoods. People would come to the restaurant just to try that night's dessert special. It was encouraging to know that people liked my creations and it helped me decide what I was going to do once I finished school. Graduation was right around the corner again and it was time to figure out my next step. I couldn't stay a student forever.

Dan proposed to Amy the night she graduated from the Fashion Institute. I was happy for both of them, but seeing how happy they were together forced me to think about how alone I was.

Most of the time it was easy not to think about my life outside of work. I was a hard worker and focused on my career goals, most of the time. But sometimes, when I lay in bed at night unable to sleep I would realize how lonely I was. I tried to push those thoughts to the back of my mind during the daylight hours. It was easier then. I had enough to do to keep my mind busy during the day. It was the nights that were the hardest.

Amy and Dan had a beautiful summer wedding on the beach. Amy absolutely glowed she was so happy. Everything went perfectly. It was a small ceremony, just Amy and Dan's immediate family and some close friends. Jared was there. I was the maid of honor and he was the best man.

We stood on opposite sides of the altar trying not to look at each other. Our eyes met once and I smiled at him, but he just looked down at his feet. He actually looked like he was trying not to cry and that made me feel so guilty that I avoided looking at him the rest of the day.

I was relieved when the ceremony was over because I was catering the reception, so that allowed me to remain busy and avoid any uncomfortable conversations with Jared. Everyone complimented the food, especially the cake. Many people approached me and commented that I should start catering weddings for a living. It was funny to hear my private thoughts spoken allowed. I had been giving a lot of thought to what I would do next and I had considered starting my own catering service. However it wasn't the food that I enjoyed cooking the most, it was the cake.

Amy and Dan honeymooned in Cancun, and Dan surprised Amy when they returned by already having secured a small house for them to move into to. She was happier than I had ever seen her and I couldn't help but be happy for her.

However, it was harder to live alone than I would have imagined. It wasn't like that first summer when I had lived alone in our apartment. I had craved the solitude then. I had welcomed it. Now I dreaded it.

There was too much time for me to think about myself. School was over for me. I no longer had that distraction. Work only filled so many hours of the day. Without Amy's constant chatter to distract me I had too much time to think.

Time to think about how lonely I felt. Time to wonder if I would ever fall in love. Time to think about Michael. I had worked so hard to forget him. I had failed.

The memory of his face was as clear as ever. I wondered if I would ever feel so drawn to another man. I realized sadly that if I couldn't, I would never fall in love. If I couldn't find someone who would consume my thoughts the way that stranger had, then I would never forget him. If I couldn't forget him, I could never really feel something for anyone else. I felt so hopeless. I needed something else to focus on something to distract me.

In addition to my pining for an unreachable stranger, I also spent a lot of time considering my future. To occupy my mind during those lonely days I spent the majority of my free time in my kitchen. I would bake small cakes and pastries and then leave them in the lobby of the apartment building.

My neighbors loved the treats I would leave, and some would even leave notes requesting their favorite items. Baking was my passion and one day the idea just clicked into place. I was surprised I hadn't considered it before. I could open a bakery.

I was grateful I had chosen to pursue a business degree at UCSD, I had the knowledge to run my own business and I had the talent to be successful. Now all I needed was the money to get started.

I had over a dozen meetings at various banks before I finally found a lender willing to take a chance on me. I was lucky that the loan officer had been one of my regular customers at the restaurant who had loved my dessert specials, and he promised to be one of my first customers once the bakery opened.

I found a perfect location that had once been a small Chinese restaurant. It was so nice to have something to devote all my time and energy to. I no longer had any free time to let my mind wander, to let myself dwell on the man that I couldn't have, the love that could never be.

It didn't take much renovation to adapt the old kitchen to meet my needs. I was able to purchase the equipment I needed and I spent all my free time setting it up. Amy offered to help me decorate the front of the store and I was grateful for her assistance. I focused on the functionality of the kitchen, and she focused on the appearance of the small lobby at the front of the shop. It wasn't long before it was ready.

I began distributing fliers announcing my grand opening. I had never been so nervous in all my life! My boss at the restaurant was sad to be losing me, but he was very supportive and he allowed me to leave some fliers at the hostess station.

I spent the entire day before the grand opening baking every kind of pastry, cookie and treat I could imagine. I even made a few small specialty cakes, one was square and decorated to look like a wrapped gift, and another was a sphere decorated to look like a soccer ball.

I didn't figure they would sell, but they did add a bit of charm to the glass display cases. Finally when the cases were full I cleaned up and went home. I couldn't sleep at all that night. I lay awake all night wondering: would anyone come?

I finally gave up on sleep around 3 am and headed for my shop.

My shop. I loved the sound of it. I was only 24 years old and I owned my own business. I knew it was quite a feat and something to be proud of. Something I had never thought to dream of, but now that it was happening I couldn't imagine my life having gone any other way.

I had butterflies in my stomach as I entered the small building and made my way to the kitchen. I decided to make some fresh doughnuts and began to relax as soon as I started baking. I felt at home in the kitchen.

The butterflies returned when my watch beeped alerting me to the hour. It was time to open the doors. The sun had not yet risen, but the sky was beginning to brighten.

I looked around at my little shop. The cases were stocked, the coffee brewed, all that was left to do was open the doors and hope people would come. I walked slowly to the front of the shop, feeling almost faint. What if no one came? What would I do?

My fears were immediately subdued when I made it to the front door and saw the small crowd waiting for me to open. Some of the faces I recognized from the restaurant. One face was that of my loan officer and I laughed quietly when I realized he wasn't joking about being my first customer. Of course Amy was there too. I smiled widely as I opened the door and greeted my first customers. Amy hugged me quickly as soon as she entered.

"Thought you might need some help this morning." She told me

"Thanks" I whispered.

I had hoped for a few customers I hadn't expected a crowd. We quickly made our way behind the counter to take the first orders.

The morning flew by in a blur. People kept coming. Once the sun had finally broken the horizon the shop was packed. I ran out of half my supply within the first hour and had to go back into the kitchen to make more. I was so grateful Amy had offered her help. I could have never kept up on my own. By 10 am the pace had finally slowed and I was exhausted.

"Wow" Amy exhaled as she flopped into a chair.

She looked just as tired as I felt. The sleepless night was finally sinking in.

"Tell me about it" I replied pouring another cup of coffee for each of us.

We both sat silently drinking our coffee. I thought about the morning, about which items had been the most popular, planning what I would need to bake for tomorrow. I wondered if tomorrow would be just as busy. Amy seemed to be thinking the same thing.

"What time tomorrow?" she asked.

I wasn't sure how to respond. I knew I needed her help, but I didn't want to monopolize her time. I knew she was job-hunting, and I felt bad pulling her away from that. She must have understood my hesitation.

"Come on Katherine, I know you need the help and I have plenty of time on my hands these days" she said that last part with a sour edge to her voice.

I knew she was struggling to find a job as a fashion designer. She had taken her portfolio to every major designer in the area and had not yet been offered a job.

"Amy I couldn't ask you to give up on..."

"I won't" she interrupted before I could finish "But you need the help, and I had fun today. I want to come back. That is, if you want me to."

"Of course I do! I couldn't have gotten through today without you!" I told her honestly.

I needed her help and I couldn't refuse it if she was so eager to offer it. I wondered if this was a way for her to avoid more rejection in the job market, but if that's what she needed right now I wasn't going to deny her.

"I think I'll open at 5 again tomorrow." I told her

"I'll be here." She confirmed smiling "How late are we staying open today?" she asked.

I had been wondering the same thing myself. I'd had no idea what to expect from today so I had just decided to play it by ear.

"I don't know. Seems like things have slowed down now, think it'll pick back up?" I asked both her and myself.

"There's only one way to find out" she replied "Maybe we should prepare for an afternoon rush just in case"

I agreed and went back to the kitchen, this time trying to bake items that would seem a better fit for an afternoon snack rather than breakfast. Her prediction had been correct. We filled up again around noon and immediately sold out of the 5 dozen batches of cookies I had made. I realized I needed to stop underestimating our demand as I went back to the kitchen again to re-stock.

The lunch rush had not been quite as busy as the morning, but we still had a good steady flow from 12pm to 2pm. We finally closed the shop around 3pm. Amy went home and I went back into the kitchen to prepare items for the next day and to take inventory of my depleting supplies. Finally around 6pm I trudged home, practically dead on my feet.

On my way home I analyzed the demands of the day. Thinking about which items seemed more popular in the morning versus the afternoon. I was planning the next day as I lay down in bed, but exhaustion overtook me and I was asleep almost as soon as my head hit the pillow.

I welcomed the ease of sleep. I had been struggling with insomnia for months and it was wonderful to drift off so easily. For the first night in a long time I didn't think of _him_ , my mind was only filled with pastries.

After a good night's sleep I woke up ready to get started and full of ideas. I went to the shop early again and immediately started baking. I made a wide variety of muffins, which had been very popular the day before, but I also added several batches of blueberry and dried cherry scones and some croissants stuffed with soft cheese or chocolate. In addition to the oversized cinnamon rolls that had already proved to be a big seller, I also made some creamy caramel pecan rolls, along with a large assortment of donuts and danishes. Finally I decided to also add a double chocolate biscotti and lemon-pistachio biscotti. By the time Amy arrived just a little before 5am I already had the display cases stocked and ready to go.

My second morning was even busier than the first. Most of the people I'd seen the day before came back again, and this time there were many new faces as well. The morning ran smoothly, since I had prepared more food in anticipation. The morning rush lasted several hours, and then when things slowed down Amy ran out to pick up some lunch for us while I headed back into the kitchen to prepare for the afternoon crowd.

My lunchtime offerings were as varied as the morning. I made several fruit tarts, some pies and cakes, as well as a dozen batches of various cookies. I also created a few different types of fruit bars, some fudge, pralines, and chocolate truffles.

I was enjoying myself so much that when I finished I worried I may have made too much. But I was relieved to learn that was not the case. The lunch rush was again busier than the day before and I sold nearly everything I had prepared.

We closed at 3 again, and I stayed for several hours preparing for the next day. As I was getting ready to wrap things up and leave I heard a knock at the front door. I peeked out of the kitchen and saw a businessman in a suit standing on the other side of the glass door.

"I realize you're already closed," he said as soon as I opened the door "but I just got off work and I spotted that soccer ball cake through your window. It would be absolutely perfect for my son's birthday party tomorrow and I was wondering if there was any way I could talk you into selling it to me." He finished looking hopeful.

"Of course!" I exclaimed and stepped back to allow him inside. I boxed up the cake and he insisted on paying me double what I would have normally charged since I had been willing to open the door for him after regular business hours. Finally I closed up the shop and headed home exhausted again, but loving every minute of it.

The weeks passed, each day seemingly busier than the one before. At first my customers were mostly people who lived or worked in the area, but as my reputation grew people began going out of their way to stop by my shop and try something.

Within the first month I was already taking orders for specialty cakes. The gentleman who had purchased the soccer ball cake had returned to rave about how much his family had loved the cake and to beg that I design a ballet themed cake for his daughter's recital. My cake decorating reputation spread quickly. In addition to my regular bakery business I was taking cake orders nearly daily and working late into the evenings baking and designing cakes.

I was making more money than I could have ever dreamed possible, and I was glad that I could afford to pay Amy a decent salary. I couldn't have done any of it without her. She helped wherever I needed her, from answering the phone and running the register to making trips to the store when I ran out of ingredients. We were a team, but as much as I appreciated her I still felt guilty for keeping her from pursuing her career goals. She spent nearly as much time in the shop as I did and I couldn't imagine how she had time for anything else.

"Have you sent your portfolio out recently?" I asked her one day between the morning and afternoon rush.

"Not really" she admitted

"Amy, as much as I appreciate your help I don't want to keep you from your dreams! This is my dream, not yours. And you shouldn't give up on yours just to help me with mine." I tried to make eye contact as I spoke, but she just stared at the far wall.

"I was thinking..." she started, still staring at the wall "we need to dress the place up a bit"

That was not the response I was expecting. I realized she was trying to change the subject.

"That wall is too plain" she continued gesturing to the wall that was the focus of her attention "I heard about this guy who does amazing murals. We should hire him to paint it for us."

"Okay..." I replied not really sure how to respond.

It was obvious that she didn't want to talk about her future career plans and I decided not to push the subject, for now.

"I'll see if I can track him down." Amy said, looking relieved that I had accepted the shift in our conversation.

"We should get ready for the lunch crowd." she added before I could start in again.

Less than a week passed before Amy presented me with a business card for the painter she had suggested. I was surprised, I had figured it was just a diversion and not something she really thought we should pursue. But I decided it wasn't a bad idea.

The front of the shop was entirely made up of windows and the L-shaped glass counter display case occupied the right side and back wall, leaving the left side of the shop with a plain unused wall where the majority of the small tables were located. A mural would look nice on that wall.

I called the number listed on the card. The man who answered had a nice voice, soothing and vaguely familiar. I wondered if he might be a customer. I made arrangements to have him come to the shop after hours to discuss what he could do with the wall. Amy had provided me with some pictures of other murals he had done, and I was impressed. He was very talented.

That afternoon one of my regular customers came in. As I often did I wondered if he really came because he loved the pecan rolls as much as he claimed or if it was just to ask me out again.

"Rick's back" Amy chanted poking her head through the kitchen doors.

I rolled my eyes and shoed her out of the kitchen hoping she'd make some excuse for me that would save me from having to talk to him again. It was the third time this week that he'd been in.

"Hey Rick" I heard Amy say

"Hi Amy, Katherine around?" I heard him ask

"Sure," Amy replied and I cringed knowing she was throwing me to the wolves again. "I'll go get her for you."

"What are you doing?" I whispered as soon as she came into the kitchen.

"What's your problem Katherine? He's cute, he's nice, and he wants to take you out. What's so bad about that?" she looked at me with a mixture of annoyance and concern. My lack of a social life had been the topic of many of our conversations lately.

"I don't know" I hedged "he's not my type."

"What is your type?" she asked pointedly

Michael.

I was shaken by the thought as soon as my mind whispered his name. I had done a very good job of not thinking about him recently.

"I have to meet with the painter tonight." I was thrilled with the excuse as soon as it came to me.

"No you don't. I do. I'm staying and you're going out and there will be no more discussion." She pushed me through the kitchen doors as she said this last part leaving me no time to protest because I was left face to face with Rick. I smiled weakly.

"Hey Katherine, how's business?" Rick's standard greeting.

"Great, thanks." I never knew what to say to him

"So I was wondering if you're busy tonight?" Rick had gotten braver over the last few weeks. It used to take several minutes of small talk to lead up to that question, now he just blurted it out, but he was beginning to look a little less hopeful when he said it.

"Actually she's not." Amy answered for me. I could have kicked her.

Rick's face immediately lit up, and it was a nice face if I was being honest, round but not pudgy, rosy colored cheeks and fair skin that complimented his honey colored hair and hazel eyes. He had a kind face with a nice smile, kind of the boy next-door sort of look. Even though he was probably in his mid-thirties he had a young boyish face that belied his age.

"So how about dinner?" he asked me excitedly.

"Sure." I conceded.

Why not? It had been ages since I'd been out to dinner. A night out would be nice, and Rick seemed like a nice enough guy to spend it with.

"Great! What time do you close?"

"I can close." Amy immediately interjected. I sighed.

"Apparently I'm free now, but I'll need to go home to change" I said looking down at my flour dusted clothes.

"Of course." Rick immediately agreed "How about we meet at Champlain's around 6?"

"Sounds great." I tried to look enthusiastic. "See you at 6." I said as I retreated back into the kitchen.

Rick looked absolutely ecstatic.

## Chapter 12: Painting

Painting became my life. When I wasn't painting at school, I painted at home. My first semester at the Art Institute a professor encouraged me to enter some of my paintings in an exhibit. Two of my paintings sold and that was when I discovered that I could make a living doing what I loved.

I started out with small canvases, and then my paintings got larger. Until finally one day, frustrated with my canvas I just began painting the wall. I had a large blank wall in my apartment and one day that just needed to be changed. I worked for 13 hours straight. I became obsessed with a vision that needed to be created. When I finished I had a masterpiece on my wall.

It was the view from the cliffs at the beach where I had spent most of my life. It depicted my favorite time of day: sunset. I was amazed with the image I had created. Immediately I began painting the other walls.

I rearranged all my furniture so that nothing touched a wall. It took a month to paint every wall in my apartment. Each was a different scene from my memories, many were of the beach or mountains, and some were from Paris. My impulse had led to inspiration. When I was finished I took a picture of each wall and created a portfolio with large glossy prints.

I took this portfolio around to various businesses in San Diego offering my services. My first job was a large brick wall on the side of an old downtown building. I painted a mural of the snow-capped Sierra-Nevada Mountains.

The local newspaper ran an article on me after that, and business picked up quickly. By the time I graduated from the Art Institute I had a successful business started with jobs booked several months in advance.

I didn't do exterior walls for long. Interior walls were much smoother and the results were so much better. Given a picture of any scene I could reproduce it on a wall. I challenged myself with different styles. Often the clients would have an idea of what they wanted. Some had actual pictures for me to replicate. I preferred those who had no idea what they wanted and would allow me to just let my mind create something. I was truly enjoying myself. I had found my niche.

Charlie was able to collect on my debt to help him move. He and Claire had found a nice house in San Diego. I was glad they were staying close. They were my only family.

Claire insisted on having me over for dinner once they'd settled in. I had an appointment to meet a small shop owner to discuss a mural, but promised her I would make it quick and be at their place by 7pm.

I found the small bakery easily and was glad to see that it was near their new house. That would make meeting my deadline even easier. This shouldn't take long.

The shop had just closed when I got there. I looked in through the glass door and saw a blonde woman waiting for me. She opened the door and gestured for me to follow her inside.

"Hi I'm Amy." She said extending her hand.

"My name is Michael." I told her as I shook her hand.

"Okay, so this is the wall we need painted." She said gesturing to the large blank wall on the left side of the shop. "My friend actually owns this shop but she couldn't be here tonight so I'm filling in for her. She said she wanted some sort of beach scene."

"Not a problem." I told her surveying the wall. "Anything specific?"

"I guess not..." she hesitated "but knowing her I'm sure she actually has something very specific in mind. Shoot, you know she was supposed to be here tonight and I really didn't have a chance to ask her exactly what she wanted. But I'm sure whatever you come up with will be fine as long as it's a beach."

Great, I thought. Sounded like whatever I painted was going to be wrong. I'd had customers like this before. Either they knew what they wanted, but couldn't describe it so they expected me to be a mind reader or else they didn't know what they wanted and probably wouldn't be happy with anything.

"Well if you'd like me to wait and meet with her..." I'd rather know whom I was painting for anyway, sometimes I could get a feel for the person and that helped me paint to their tastes.

"No, no!" She insisted. "I told her I could do this. You don't understand, she never leaves this place! I finally convinced her to go on a real date and I'm not about to let her know that I couldn't do this one thing without her. Just paint whatever you think will look good on that wall, something with a beach."

She looked nervous. Her friend sounded like a real winner: A workaholic who never dated and was probably a perfectionist. This job was going to be a nightmare! I was sure this girl Amy was just being kind when she referred to the owner as her friend. Amy seemed rather young and the image I had conjured of the absent owner was of some middle-aged spinster who'd seen enough disappointment in her lifetime to leave her unable to ever truly be satisfied with anything.

"Okay, well if you're sure..." I hesitated giving her time to consider "I guess I could get started tonight." I said reluctantly when she didn't seem to be wavering.

She looked pleased. I checked my watch and saw that it was only 5. I had two hours before I had to be at Charlie and Claire's place for dinner.

"Perfect! I'm going to lock up the front door. The back door will automatically lock behind you when you leave. We close at 3 every day so you can come around 3 that way I can let you in before I leave, and then you can just leave out the back door whenever you're done."

"Works for me, let me just unload some of my supplies before you go."

I went out to my truck and got what I needed. Amy left after I was all set up and I took just a few minutes to stare at the wall deciding what to paint. Usually freedom like this was what I craved, but I had a feeling the shop owner was going to be difficult.

A beach was the only direction I'd been given. I thought of the cliffs. The first mural I'd ever painted on my apartment wall. Somehow it seemed that picture belonged here. So with that image in my mind I got to work.

## Chapter 13: The painter

I knew Champlain's was a very nice restaurant near the pier but I had never been there before so I wasn't sure how to dress. I assumed jeans would be too casual, so I slipped into one of the few dresses I owned. It was one I had bought when I was going around to banks requesting a loan to start up my bakery.

It was a simple black wrap, knee length with a matching jacket. It was not nearly as flashy as the green silk dress Amy had put me in the night of my first date with Jared, but somehow I was reminded of that night, as I was getting ready. Maybe it was because that was the last time I had been on a real date. How long ago had that been? It was too depressing to think about.

Amy was right. I needed to get out more often. I needed to date. I had been lucky enough to find my calling at an early age, and Fate had been on my side allowing me to start up a successful business. But I knew my life should include more than just work.

As I left my apartment I was feeling more confident about my decision to go out with Rick tonight. My professional life was on track, and it was time for my social life to catch up. But it was so hard to keep my mind off the shop.

On my way to the restaurant I realized that I forgot to give Amy the picture I had taken from my beach cliff. That was the scene I wanted painted. I was tempted to go by the shop and drop off the picture, maybe see if the painter had gotten started yet. It was out of the way, but I could just drop by for a minute. I looked at the clock on the dash and saw that it was just after 5 o'clock.

If I went to the shop now I wouldn't make it to the restaurant by 6, plus I'd have to hear it from Amy about how I didn't trust her enough to let her handle it on her own. I gritted my teeth as I passed the turn off that would have taken me to my shop and continued on toward the restaurant.

Rick was waiting for me with a grin stretching from ear to ear. I had to stifle a laugh when I saw his expression it was almost comical. Dinner was good and it turned out that Rick was a rather talkative guy so I didn't have to offer much in the conversation, which was good because my mind kept wandering back to the shop: the cake orders that needed to be filled before the weekend, the supply orders that needed to be placed, the mural that was being painted as I sat here and I had absolutely no control over. I didn't know how to turn it off. All I could think about was work.

After dinner we went for a walk on the pier. Although it was wintertime the weather was mild, we never saw any snow in San Diego. The temperature dropped but it was nothing that a thick jacket couldn't remedy.

The wind coming off the ocean whipped at my hair as we walked along the pier, it was cold but also invigorating. It was not nearly as good as my beach hideout, but still the proximity to the ocean was soothing. Rick held my hand as we walked. His palms were clammy.

After we made the circuit and found ourselves back at the start of the pier I decided it was time to end the evening. I made an excuse about an early morning, which wasn't untrue. Rick gushed about how wonderful the evening had been. I couldn't honestly agree. It had been nice. It wasn't bad. But wonderful would not be the word I would use to describe it. Here we were at the end of our date and I felt no desire to kiss him, no anticipation of when I would see him again.

It was just like it had been with Jared in college. Rick was a perfectly nice guy, but I felt nothing for him. Maybe I wasn't capable of that sort of reaction to a man. I gave him a brief kiss on the cheek, without a promise of another date. Then got in my car and headed home.

Again I was tempted to turn off and go by my shop on the way home. It was late now, I was sure the painter was gone but I could check on his progress. I realized, however, that there was no reason for a detour. I would see the wall in the morning. I could wait that long.

I woke up with a tangible excitement the next morning. I wasn't sure why that was exactly. I felt frenzied, as I got ready for work. I couldn't get to the shop fast enough, I felt like a magnet was drawing me.

As soon as I unlocked the door I immediately turned to the left wall and exhaled. I hadn't even realized I'd been holding my breath. In one night the painter had made great progress. I could see a sketch of the horizon with the sun crowning the water. He had chosen to paint the scene at sunset. Perfect! Only the right half of the wall had color, golden sand, turquoise waters. It wasn't even half done but I could see the potential, the beauty. It was going to be perfect.

All my anxiety from the night before vanished and I realized with great relief that the painter was indeed very talented and I had no reason to worry. I went to the kitchen and started my morning routine. I still held a higher level of excitement than usual and I really couldn't account for that. I even found myself humming as I worked, which was not something I usually did.

"Must have been some date last night." Amy said startling me

"What? Oh no... I mean... yeah. I guess. Why?" I stammered

"You're flustered," she giggled "and I've never heard you humming before. Does that mean things went well with Rick?" She was almost sparkling with excitement and I hated to burst her bubble.

"I don't know. He was nice, dinner was good." I shrugged not sure what else to say about it.

But now that she'd pointed it out I realized that I did feel flustered. I was sure however that Rick had nothing to do with it. Although I couldn't imagine what did.

"Well you're in an awfully good mood this morning" Amy said examining me more closely now as if she suspected I was keeping something from her.

"I guess I am." I shrugged again.

I wasn't really sure why I felt so light hearted this morning. I didn't think it had anything to do with Rick. It was almost like I was expecting something, like a kid on Christmas Eve. But I had no idea what if anything I was expecting. Today was just another day like any other.

And like any other day the shop was very busy. I kept to the kitchen most of the day working on some cake orders that needed to be completed. Amy ran the front and only poked her head back occasionally to let me know if I needed to re-stock anything. I was actually surprised when she told me it was almost 3 and she was getting ready to close up. The day had flown by so quickly.

"The painter should be here any minute." Amy told me as she hung her apron in the kitchen and grabbed her purse.

"'Kay, I'll still be here a few more hours, I need to finish up this wedding cake they need it by tomorrow."

The bell on the front door jingled announcing someone's arrival.

"That must be Michael." Amy said as she turned and left the kitchen.

My hands froze at the sound of that name. I dropped a piping tube full of icing that left a red streak down the side of the white wedding cake. The realization that I just massacred my cake snapped me out of my momentary shock. Michael was a very common name I knew it couldn't be him. I wouldn't even allow myself to speculate. I had a cake to re-ice.

"Okay, painter's here, I'm on my way out." Amy said poking her head through the kitchen door.

"Oh my gosh! What happened?" Amy exclaimed as soon as she saw my red-stained cake. She rushed over to my side where I was very meticulously scraping off tainted icing.

"It's fine." I huffed without looking up.

"Do you need me to stay and help?" Amy asked worriedly

"No really, I've got this." I assured her.

"Okay, well I've locked the front door. The painter knows to leave out the back when he's done. You sure you don't need anything?" She hesitated at the back door.

"I'm fine." I looked up at her this time and smiled knowing if she didn't get that reassurance she'd never leave. She hovered a moment longer and then finally left.

It only took me about an hour to repair the damage to the cake, and then another hour to finish decorating it. As I was finishing up I relaxed into my earlier cheerful mood and even caught myself humming again.

When the cake was done I was tempted to poke my head out into the lobby and check on the progress of the mural and to meet the painter, but I decided I should clean up first. I was a mess.

As I scrubbed the caked in flour and icing out of my nail beds I heard the back door close. I poked my head out of the bathroom but didn't see anybody in the kitchen. I walked to the lobby but found it deserted as well. The painter must have already packed up for the night. I looked toward the mural and my breath caught.

The left side of the wall was outlined now showing a cliff looking over the pristine golden beach below. How could that be possible? This was my beach. My cliff. Had I given Amy that picture after all?

I ran back into the kitchen and rummaged through my purse. The picture was still there, crumpled in the bottom of my bag. I had never described the cliff in detail to Amy and I hadn't given her the picture. How had she known what to tell the painter?

I felt that frenzied excitement building up in me again, as if there was something about to happen that was just outside my grasp of understanding.

## Chapter 14: Revealed

The mural was almost finished. Last night as I'd painted I had overheard the shop owner humming in the kitchen. I was tempted to introduce myself. To ask her to take a look at the work in progress and let me know if she liked it. I figured it would be easier to take the rejection before the piece was finished.

I was actually pretty surprised I hadn't met her yet. The way Amy had described her to me that first night I was sure she'd be watching over my shoulder the entire time. Instead I was left to wonder what she thought about my work. The more I wondered the more apprehensive I became.

How would it be received? Would she like it? Why had I chosen such a personal piece? I loved the scene I was painting now and I was pouring my heart and soul into it.

This was my beach, my cliff. If she didn't like it I knew it would be hard not to take it personally. For some reason I had been compelled to paint that particular scene, but now I felt anxious. What if she didn't like it?

I slowly walked toward the kitchen door. Trying to brace myself for any response she might have. When I reached the door I realized it had gone silent on the other side then I heard the sound of water running in the back bathroom. Like a coward I bolted out the back door. Not ready to face her judgment.

But there would be no avoiding it tonight. I was nervous as I drove to the bakery. I would finish the mural tonight. All of the outlining was complete, just some color to add now. It wouldn't take long and then it would be time to reveal my work.

Tonight would be the night, the night of the big reveal. I had butterflies in my stomach. I couldn't remember the last time I'd felt this way. Certainly not after finishing any of my other murals.

Amy was there to let me in as usual. She smiled warmly when she opened the door and that eased my nerves some. If the mural was unacceptable to her friend surely she would be showing some signs of that now.

"Hey Michael." She greeted me. "I can't believe how fast you work. The wall is looking amazing! I wish I could stay to see it completed but my husband has a special dinner planned for us tonight, so I have to run."

"That's okay. I work better without an audience." I winked at her and felt surprised at how easily I related to her after only a couple of days.

We had probably only spent a total of 15 minutes together over the last few days but she seemed like someone I could be friends with. I bet Claire would like her. It was too bad she was married. I would have asked her out. Not that I was really attracted to her, I mean she was definitely pretty but by now I was used to the detached way I viewed women. Mostly I wanted to get Claire off my back about dating and it would have been nice to have a girl to bring over to their house for a change.

"Anyway Katherine's still here, as usual." She said rolling her eyes. "So she'll be able to view the final product and to pay you of course." She added as she gathered up her things.

My heart stuttered when she said the name Katherine. I felt my face flush and my pulse quicken as my hands began to tremble. She didn't seem to notice.

"Well if I don't see you again it was nice meeting you Michael." Amy said as she went out the door.

I didn't reply. I couldn't, my mind was still reeling. Could it be possible? Could it be my Katherine? I chastised myself for thinking of her as mine since I didn't even know her. But nevertheless could it be her? I found myself drifting toward the kitchen door as these questions ran through my mind, and then the door opened.

My heart stopped.

It was her.

Unbelievably, undeniably, unmistakably her!

"Michael?" she whispered my name, her emerald eyes riveted on mine.

She knew my name! How did she know my name? I didn't know what to say as I stared at this woman who for years had only existed in my dreams.

"How?" She took one hesitant step forward allowing the kitchen door to swing shut behind her.

Her eyes told me she knew me. Remembered me. I had so many questions, so many things to say. None of it would come. I couldn't speak, couldn't move. I could only stare.

"Katherine?" I barely recognized my own voice.

"How do you know my name?" She whispered as if speaking too loudly would pop the dream bubble surrounding us in this immeasurable moment.

"The wedding..." I closed my eyes to clear my head "I saw you at the wedding talking to Charlie and Claire, I asked them who you were." I said this with my eyes still closed, finding it easier to speak when I wasn't looking at her.

When I reopened my eyes I saw that she had taken a few steps closer and was only a few feet in front of me know. She was smiling slightly.

"You saw me at the wedding?" She asked still almost a whisper.

"That wasn't the first time." I said finding some semblance of confidence as I realized she definitely knew me.

"The coffee shop." She replied smiling brightly now.

"You remember?"

"How could I forget?"

My thoughts exactly. This was better than anything I could have ever imagined. She knew me, remembered me, was happy to see me. My heart was soaring, my mind racing.

"Is this real?" I asked, still not sure if this was just some very realistic dream.

"I'm not sure. I hope so." She answered stepping one step closer as if to make sure I was really there. We were close enough to touch now. I could feel the heat radiating off her body.

"That night in the coffee shop, I wanted to meet you." I told her

"I wanted to meet you too. Have wanted to ever since." She told me blushing as she looked down.

"Do you believe in Fate?" I asked.

"I do now."

## Chapter 15: Coffee

I woke up that morning with an even higher level of excitement than the day before. I couldn't describe it. I just knew something was coming, something big. I hurried to the shop and got to work with a frenzied pace. I wasn't sure why I was in such a rush. I didn't know what I was rushing for, but for some reason I couldn't move fast enough, couldn't get through the day fast enough.

Finally the day did come to a close. Amy had a big dinner planned with Dan so she was out the door almost as soon as the closed sign had been turned. I heard her talking with the painter in the front lobby and my pulse quickened. Was I just excited that the mural would be complete tonight? It seemed a little silly to be so worked up over a painting.

Regardless of the source, known or unknown, I was on pins and needles. I went into the bathroom and cleaned up. Running a brush through my hair and trying to dust off as much flour as possible. I wasn't really sure what all the prep was for. I just felt anxious and it was calming to feel like I was preparing for something, even if I didn't know what it was. When I felt reasonably presentable I walked out of the kitchen to introduce myself to the painter.

"Michael?" The name poured from my lips as soon as my mind registered who was standing in front of me.

I felt like the wind had been knocked out of me. I couldn't breathe, couldn't move. I was still standing in the doorway holding the doorframe for support. My knees felt like they were going to buckle. Michael was standing in front of me. Staring at me.

"How?" I couldn't finish the question. I was breathless.

"Katherine?" His expression mirrored my shock.

"How do you know my name?" It seemed like the most trivial of all the questions filling my head, but it was the one that came out first.

"The wedding. I saw you at the wedding talking to Charlie and Claire, I asked them who you were." He closed his eyes as he spoke which gave me a moment to compose myself and remember how to breathe.

"You saw me at the wedding?"

When? How? I was sure he hadn't seen me. He had been with her. A sharp pain shot through my chest as I thought of her. I glanced quickly down at his left hand. No wedding ring.

"That wasn't the first time." He said and something in his voice brought my eyes back to his. His deep blue eyes were smoldering. I forgot how to breathe again.

"The coffee shop." I whispered realizing that he remembered that night too.

"You remember?"

"How could I forget?"

"Is this real?" He spoke my thoughts.

"I don't know. I hope so." I replied stepping closer wanting so badly to reach out and touch him, to know that he was real.

"That night in the coffee shop I wanted to meet you." He said

"I wanted to meet you too. Have wanted to ever since." I couldn't believe I just said that. I could feel myself blushing

"Do you believe in Fate?"

"I do now."

This was real. Not a dream. Michael was here with me now. I could reach out and touch him if I wanted to, and suddenly I wanted nothing more. I reached for his hand surprising myself with my boldness. His hand was warm and rough. Tingles shot up through my arm as I touched him and the confirmation that this meeting was real gave me the courage to be even bolder.

"Would you like to sit and have some coffee?" I asked leading him toward a table before he could even respond. He followed wordlessly.

It was hard to pull away from him even if only momentarily to get us each some coffee. I was afraid that as soon as he was out of my sight he would disappear and I would wake up. But when I returned with the coffee he was sitting at the table waiting for me. I studied his face as I put the coffee on the table and sat across from him.

He ran his hand through his dark hair pushing it out of his eyes. He had strong brooding eyebrows with a nearly permanent crease in between them as if he'd spent a lifetime worrying. His deep blue eyes absolutely glowed framed by thick dark lashes. His face was almost perfect except for the small scar on his chin and slight crook in his nose, as if those small imperfections were necessary to assure that he was real.

As I stared at his beautiful full lips and wondered what it would be like to kiss them he brought me out of my reverie with a startling revelation.

"The first night I saw you, in the coffee shop, I wanted so badly to meet you, but then my father called and told me my mother had died. I had to leave." He almost sounded like he was apologizing.

I felt shocked and saddened to know that he'd lost his mother and almost guilty that he might feel sorry for allowing that to interfere with our introduction.

"I'm so sorry. That's horrible." I said and suddenly the memory of his beautiful face crumpling in pain flashed before my eyes. I had known he was in pain that night, I had wanted to comfort him then. It was years ago, but still I wanted to comfort him now.

"I left after that." He continued. "I moved to Europe for a while. The wedding where I saw you again that was the first time I'd come home."

"I saw you at the wedding too." I admitted

"You did? Why didn't you say anything?" He seemed startled, almost upset "I mean if you'd wanted to meet me too..." he started to qualify as if feeling like he'd assumed too much.

"I did!" I assured him "After that night in the coffee shop I couldn't stop thinking about you." I couldn't believe how much I was telling him. It was like I had no filter on my brain, my thoughts just poured out to him.

"When I saw you at the wedding I was thrilled! Until I saw her..." I remembered the pain I had felt that night seeing him with that beautiful woman. It brought me up short.

"She was nobody. I mean we aren't together anymore. We barely were then." He explained and I was flooded with relief.

"Where did you go after that?" He asked suddenly.

"What do you mean?" How could he know I went anywhere?

"I didn't go back to Paris after the wedding." He paused as if deciding how much to say.

"I moved back and I called the catering company looking for you but they said you quit. I couldn't find you." He was looking down now as if he wished he hadn't said so much.

I reached over and touched his hand. His eyes immediately came back up to meet mine. My heart fluttered as butterflies battered my rib cage. When his eyes met mine like that it left me dazed.

"When I saw you with her." I took a deep breath to compose myself before continuing. "It was too much for me. I left."

I wished desperately that I had the ability to think before I spoke. I knew I was the one saying too much.

"Is that why you looked so upset that night?" he asked.

"Yes." I whispered.

I was the one looking down now, too embarrassed to meet his eyes. He reached across the table and lifted my chin. My face felt hot where his hand touched it. I felt the same electric tingles that I'd felt when I first touched his hand. I looked back into his eyes and felt confident again.

"I'm sorry." He said, his hand still resting lightly under my chin

"For what?" I whispered

"For ever making you sad." He said and he leaned in to kiss me.

It wasn't like any other kiss I'd ever had before. I wanted this kiss. Wanted it to my core. His lips pressed softly against mine, almost hesitantly. Then my body responded in a way I never knew possible.

I wrapped my arms around his neck pulling him in more securely. I twined my fingers through his silky hair, as his kiss became more urgent more demanding. I felt his lips part and allowed mine to do the same. I felt his tongue slide across my bottom lip and something stirred inside me that I had never felt before, that I didn't even know was there. I brought my tongue to meet his and was delighted by the sensation. I never imagined kissing could be like this. I never imagined I could feel anything like this. I never wanted it to stop.

"I'm sorry." He said again as he pulled away too quickly.

"Why?" I panted breathless.

"I shouldn't have done that." He said, and my heart sank.

Had he not felt what I'd just been feeling?

"Why?" I asked again, even I could hear the tremor in my voice.

"We just met. I just... shouldn't have."

Our faces were still only inches apart. I could feel his hot breath against my cheek and wanted nothing more than to kiss him again, but his sudden restraint made me hesitant. I sat back increasing the distance between us.

"I mean we haven't even had an official first date." He said smiling lightly.

The sudden casualness of his demeanor was such a contrast to the passion he was emanating moments ago it left me feeling confused. I wasn't sure what to say.

"Do you have plans tomorrow night?" He asked with the same unsettling casualness.

"No." I couldn't manage more than a single word.

My entire life had seemed to lead up to this one moment and now suddenly it felt so anti-climactic.

"Why don't you let me finish up this mural, so that I'm free tomorrow night too. Then I can take you out on a real date." He smiled and something in that smile seemed odd to me as if he was struggling to hold on to this casual façade.

"Yeah, okay. I guess it is kind of late."

The last thing I wanted was to leave. What if I never saw him again? What if he disappeared? What if this was a dream? If it was I never wanted to wake up.

"I'll meet you here tomorrow at 3 when you close." He said and something in his eyes assured me that he would be here.

We both stood and he walked me to the door. When I reached the door I turned to face him and found that we were only inches apart. I could feel the friction between us. I wanted so badly to lean in, to press my lips against his again. But I resisted. I was confused. Things had shifted so quickly between us. One minute we were pouring out our hearts then we were locked in a passionate embrace and now all of a sudden we were making formal dinner plans? It seemed bizarre.

He reached over and brushed a lock of my hair aside. Where his fingers brushed against my face they left a trail of fire. For a second his eyes burned with the same intensity they had moments earlier and then just as suddenly they cooled and he smiled that infuriatingly casual smile.

"See you tomorrow." He said.

I just nodded and stumbled out the door.

## Chapter 16: First Date

Finally meeting Katherine was the single greatest moment of my life. It all seemed so surreal. Sitting in her bakery telling her how I felt. Hearing how she felt. It was unbelievable. We talked about the coffee shop where we had first seen each other and about the wedding where we had almost met again.

I felt so utterly and completely connected to this woman I was just meeting. I had told myself long ago that if I was meant to be with her she would come into my life again, and now here she was. Fate had brought her to me.

It seemed natural to just lean in and kiss her and it was an amazing kiss. I had never felt anything like it in my entire life. No kiss I had ever had before could even compare. I wanted more than anything to never stop kissing her.

But suddenly I was apprehensive. I didn't want to scare her. I didn't want to seem like some crazy stalker pushing myself on her after having only just met. I tried to remind myself that even though I felt like I'd known her for years she probably didn't feel the same way. I knew that I shouldn't be kissing her this way that I shouldn't want to take her in my arms and do so much more. At least I couldn't let her know that's what I wanted.

It took all of my self-control to reign in my emotions and reluctantly I pulled away from her. I did my best to seem casual. But inside I felt like my entire life had led up to this moment. Inside I was elated.

All of my dreams were coming true and I wasn't going to ruin it. I wasn't going to rush this. Not like I did with Elle. We were going to do this the right way. One step at a time. I owed Katherine that much. She was kissing me back now, but how would she feel later when she realized she'd kissed a perfect stranger. I didn't want to be that to her, I didn't want to be a stranger. I wanted to know her, to be with her the right way. So I did what seemed like the next logical step. I asked her out to dinner.

She seemed confused which bothered me. Didn't she want to go out with me? After everything she just told me. How she'd thought of me, even looked for me. How she was upset when she had seen me with Elle. Upset enough to quit her job and move. After all that wouldn't she want to go out with me?

Maybe she was already regretting that kiss. Maybe I moved too fast and now she wasn't sure if she wanted to go out with me, be alone with me. Agonizing seconds passed before she agreed and I promised myself that tomorrow night I wouldn't make the same mistake. I would take things slowly. I would do this the right way.

After finishing the mural like I'd promised I went home and lay awake all night thinking of how remarkably beautiful she was, she outshined even the way I'd remembered her in my dreams. I imagined how I would paint her. Almond shaped emerald green eyes encircled by dark full lashes. Her lower lip slightly fuller than the top giving her a sensual pout. Her chestnut hair falling in thick waves around her oval face. I realized in that instant that I had found my muse. Would she find it odd if I asked if I could paint her? Would that be too intense for a first date?

I could not let myself forget that this was going to be a first date. Regardless of how long I'd yearned for her, I had really only just met her. I had to try to act that way. I would not scare her off with the intensity of my emotion. I would do this the right way.

Eventually I must have fallen asleep because it was about noon when I woke up. I was grateful that I had slept so late. It just reduced the amount of time I had to wait until I could see Katherine again. I decided for our first date I would take her to a carnival that they had just set up on the pier. Fun, laughing, lightness. That was a good first date. No pressure. Just time to get to know each other.

I was at the bakery to meet her by 2:45. I knew I was a little early but I couldn't wait to see her again. The bell jingled as I walked through the front door and Amy looked up from the counter.

"Michael!" she said looking very excited to see me.

"Hey Amy," I said suddenly feeling kind of shy "Guess you didn't expect to see me again, huh?"

"Oh no! Katherine told me everything. I'm just so thrilled! I mean you seem like such a great guy, and Katherine really needs to get out every now and then if you know what I mean. I mean not that other guys don't ask her out... but... you know..." Amy was stammering and seemed nervous too.

"Thanks for the great intro." Katherine laughed from the kitchen door. We both turned to look at her.

Her beauty once again stunned me. I wondered if I would ever get used to it, or if I would always feel this moment of shock every time I saw her. Her dark hair was pulled back in a ponytail and she was wearing a tight fitting faded blue t-shirt with a band logo on it and a snug pair of jeans that hugged her hips in a way that made it hard to look anywhere else. It reminded me of how she looked that first night I had seen her in the coffee shop.

"Is that what you're wearing?" Amy exclaimed

"She's perfect." I insisted before Katherine could respond. She blushed.

"I didn't know how to dress." She said looking down self-consciously.

"Tell me about it." Amy mumbled.

"It's perfect, really." I assured her "I thought we could go to the carnival they just set up on the pier. Unless you wanted to go somewhere else?"

"No! That sounds great!" Katherine said looking relieved.

"Okay well you kids have fun. I'll close up." Amy said shooing us towards the door.

I walked Katherine to my truck and opened the door for her. She smiled and climbed inside. We made small talk all the way to the pier and I actually felt nervous. I was definitely doing a good job with keeping things casual like I had planned but the effort to be casual seemed to create an undefined tension.

Once at the carnival we made the rounds playing games. She beat me at the balloon popping game, but I redeemed myself by winning her a teddy bear at the ring toss. We laughed and talked as we walked around playing games and taking in the sights.

She told me a little about her childhood. I was surprised to find out she'd been raised in foster homes, but was glad to be learning these sorts of facts about her. I never knew anything about Elle's childhood even after having lived with her for almost a year. I told her about my parents and why I had left after my mother died. She seemed just as eager to be learning about me.

I was more confident than ever about taking this slowly and getting to know each other. The next time we kissed she would know who she was kissing. My heart raced as I thought about kissing her again but I knew I had to keep it under control.

"I'm starving." She said after we'd been walking around for a couple hours.

"Me too!" I agreed. "Well let's see. We have a wide selection of corn dogs, cotton candy and funnel cake at our finger tips, or if you'd like we could go to a restaurant."

"Corn dogs sound great!" She laughed and we made our way to a concession booth.

We took our corn dogs and sodas to a bench that I had seen toward the outer edges of the carnival and sat down to eat.

"Sorry, I guess this isn't exactly fine dining." I said waving my corn dog

"It's perfect." She laughed "Really I'm having a great time. Best first date ever!"

"Mine too." I said meaningfully all joking gone for the moment.

She looked into my eyes and suddenly I was very aware of how close we were sitting. It was dark over here away from all the bright carnival lights. I wanted more than anything to grab her up in my arms and never let her go. Would that be moving too fast?

"So how'd you like the mural?" I asked sitting back.

I hadn't realized we'd been leaning in toward each other until I pulled away.

"It's perfect." She seemed dazed for a minute "I mean how did you know?"

"Know what?"

"Well did Amy tell you about that cliff or something?"

"She just said a beach actually. I chose to paint a scene from some cliffs that I visit often." I explained.

"I think I've been there." She whispered. "It's exactly what I imagined that I wanted painted. I couldn't understand how you knew. It's my favorite place."

"Mine too." We were leaning toward each other again. "Well it was."

"Was? It isn't anymore?" She asked

"Nope."

"Where is?"

"Right here, right now."

I couldn't resist any longer. I had to kiss her. I had waited long enough hadn't I? People kissed on first dates. She was leaning toward me too. Surely she felt what I felt. I began to lean in when suddenly a blinding light was shining in my eyes. We both jerked upright and squinted into the glaring light.

"Carnivals shutting down for the night, time to move along." A gruff security guard informed us as he lowered his flashlight.

We both stood and moved along, neither of us talking until we reached my truck. Then suddenly Katherine was laughing.

"What's so funny?" I asked as I started the truck

"The way that security guard busted us, like we were a couple of kids or something. It just struck me as funny." She giggled again.

I thought about the not-so-perfect timing the security guard had. If he hadn't interrupted us at that moment I was sure I would have kissed her. But would I have stopped there? Could I stop there? Of course I could if she wanted me to. But would she want me to? Maybe not tonight, but what about tomorrow?

I didn't want to see the look of regret on her face in the morning. I had faced that look nearly every morning for a year. I couldn't bear to see that in her beautiful emerald eyes. I needed to give her time to catch up with me. To know that she loved me the way I loved her. And I did love her. I knew I did.

My feelings for her ran so deep, were so strong. It took so much self-control just to feign this casual air I tried to keep around her. If I let that slip, could I get it back? If I kissed her once, I'd want to kiss her again. Maybe it was good that we'd been interrupted. Our first date had been a success. We'd learned a lot about each other. We'd had fun. We were on the right track. I was doing this the right way.

I thought about this the whole drive back to the bakery where she'd left her car. When we arrived I walked her to car and then she stopped and turned to face me. Our bodies were so close she had to incline her head to look up at me. I could feel my pulse racing, my breathing was ragged. I wanted to kiss her. Wanted it more than I'd ever wanted anything in my life. I wanted more than that. I wanted to take her, right here right now. That sudden surge of desire reminded me of why I had to take it slow. I knew once I started kissing her I wouldn't stop.

It was too soon. Not yet I told myself. Take this slowly. Just like I had the night before I reached over and brushed a stray lock of hair from her face allowing my fingers to graze her soft skin.

"Can I see you tomorrow?" I asked.

"Of course." She whispered.

I smiled and then summoned all my self-control to turn and walk away.

## Chapter 17: Tomorrow

The day after meeting Michael was the longest of my life. I worked mechanically, wishing for the day to end so I could see him again.

"Are you okay?" Amy asked me after the breakfast crowd had passed.

"Didn't sleep much." I replied.

I wondered if I should tell her about Michael. What would I say? I finally met the mystery man that I've obsessed over for years and last night I spent the evening with him. Now I'm hopelessly in love and can't stand being apart from him for a few hours. I knew she would think I was crazy, so I didn't say anything.

"Did you pay the painter?" she asked.

I started laughing and she frowned at me.

"What's going on Katherine?" She demanded looking at me seriously.

I gave up. It was easier to tell her the truth than to try to cover it up. I started from the beginning, the coffee shop. When I finished my story she just stared at me for a minute.

"So you're telling me that the painter who's been painting our wall, Michael, is the mystery man from the coffee shop at UCSD? The same guy you saw at the wedding we catered a few years ago, which had you so upset that you quit your job and moved? And now you've met him and he is just as oddly obsessed with you?"

The way she said it didn't sound quite right, but I nodded anyway.

"Wow." Was all she said and then she just stared at me for a few more minutes. I was sure she was trying to decide whether or not to have me committed.

"But I wouldn't say he's just as obsessed with me." I said remembering how quickly his mood had shifted after he'd kissed me.

"Why do you say that?" Amy asked. "If he's not crazy about you then he's just plain crazy."

"I think you're a little biased." I laughed "But he is coming tonight after work to take me out. Be nice okay?"

"You have a date?" Amy looked like she was going to burst she was so happy.

"Yeah, I guess I do." I shrugged.

"Where's he taking you?"

"I don't know actually. He's just meeting me here at 3."

"What are you going to wear?"

"Hadn't really thought about it."

"How can you not think about what you're going to wear before a date?"

"I don't know, I've got a couple of changes of clothes up here in the office. It'll be fine."

"Your sense of fashion is seriously warped."

Luckily I had enough baking to do that I was able to retreat into the kitchen and escape her commentary on my wardrobe.

Michael arrived just before we closed the shop. Amy made a complete fool of herself, or at least of me fumbling over explanations of how relieved she was to finally see me dating. I had been in the bathroom trying to fix my hair when I heard him come in, but when I heard Amy start in with her nervous ranting I just pulled it up into my usual ponytail.

Amy of course had to comment on my lack of fashion sense, but Michael honestly didn't seem to mind. He was dressed equally casually in jeans and a light sweater that framed his broad muscular shoulders in a way that sent butterflies fluttering around inside me. I had never before paid much attention to any man's build, and had definitely never been affected by one like this.

Michael took me to a carnival on the pier and I was extremely impressed by his lack of effort to impress me. He didn't take me to some fancy formal restaurant like Jared or Rick had. He was more interested in getting to know me than trying to impress me.

We had an amazing time laughing, talking, and playing games. Finally as the night drew to a close we stole away to a secluded bench to eat some corn dogs and I thought the moment had finally come. He was going to kiss me again. I'd been longing for this moment ever since our last kiss ended. I could feel my body tensing in anticipation. I remembered how wonderful his lips had felt against mine.

I wanted him to kiss me. He wanted it too I could see it in his eyes. Then just as he was leaning in a very unwelcome security guard interrupted us. It made me feel like a teenager getting caught making out behind the bleachers. But we hadn't even had a chance to make out!

Michael was quiet the whole drive back to the bakery. It made me nervous. I wanted to know what he was thinking. Sometimes he seemed so open, and other times he was very guarded as if he was holding together a delicate pretense that was in danger of crumbling. I didn't know what to make of it.

When he walked me to my car I thought surely he would kiss me now. It was the end of our first date. Wasn't a kiss customary? I turned to face him, inclining my head because we were so close. His eyes were smoldering, his look intense. My knees felt weak. I began to tremble. My breathing was shallow and my heart was racing. I was sure if he didn't kiss me quickly the butterflies in my stomach would burst right out of me.

Then he reached over and brushed my hair aside just as he'd done the night before. My heart stuttered at his touch. He asked if he could see me tomorrow. I agreed in a breathless whisper still waiting for the kiss I was longing for. Our faces were so close all I would have to do was stand on my tiptoes to close the distance. I looked into his eyes expectantly.

Then he turned around and walked away.

I felt confused, rejected. Didn't he want me? He wanted to see me again. But why didn't he kiss me? Was he still trying to decide if he wanted me? What had I done wrong?

I tormented myself with those questions on the drive home. Did he not feel the same desire I felt? The same unbearable pull to touch him, hold him, kiss him? I thought about our kiss the night before. It had been amazing. At least for me it had. Was it not the same for him?

I had so little experience with this, but I was sure there had been a connection. How could I have misread the situation so completely? I fell asleep that night full of questions and confusion.

The next day my stomach was in knots as I waited to see if he would come to see me. He was there just before 3 like he had been the day before. I was elated to see him walk through the door. His greeting smile told me he was just as happy to see me. I rushed around the counter and stopped abruptly just in front of him almost knocking right into him in my excitement.

"Hi."

I laughed nervously at how anticlimactic my greeting sounded after the myriad of emotions I'd felt upon seeing him.

"Hey." He said as he reached over and brushed a loose strand of hair from my forehead and tucked it behind my ear. That did it. That one simple act was enough to push me over the edge. I wanted him and I needed to find out if he wanted me.

"Would you like to come back to my apartment tonight?" I blurted out "I could fix you dinner." I quickly added offering a reasonable excuse for my request.

My knees trembled as I looked into his eyes waiting for a response. I couldn't believe I was being so forward, but the thought of going home again to torment myself over each moment of the day was just too much for me tonight.

He continued to stare into my eyes and he looked as if he was struggling with something. I couldn't understand what it could be. Was he trying to find a way to turn me down without hurting my feelings?

"It's still early, how about we catch a movie first." He suggested.

"Okay."

I wasn't sure why I felt disappointed. We were still spending the evening together, but it almost seemed like he was avoiding being alone with me. Isn't that exactly what I used to do with Jared? Maybe I was just being paranoid. The invitation for dinner at my place hadn't been rejected just postponed until after the movie. Besides a movie could be fun.

We decided on a romantic comedy and were lucky that the movie started shortly after we arrived so we didn't have long to wait. He bought popcorn and candy and sodas and we settled into our seats just before the lights went down.

There was a moment of pure darkness before the screen came to life and in that instant I became aware of just how close he was to me. I could feel my pulse quicken and wondered if he would try to kiss me during the movie. I sat on the edge of my seat leaning in towards him but hoping I wasn't being too obvious. I was so nervous. I had no idea how to act, what to expect. It was really pathetic how little dating experience I had.

My arm brushed against his on the armrest and I felt his body tense. He pulled his arm away and folded it across his chest. My heart sank. Wasn't a guy supposed to put his arm around his date at a movie? Some lame yawn and stretch move?

Of course my only insight into what happened on dates came from what I'd seen in the movies. Maybe it wasn't like that. I didn't know how it should be but I was sure it shouldn't be like this.

I felt awkward and nervous. I wanted to reach over and hold his hand, but I didn't have the nerve to make the first move. I didn't know how. I wanted to kiss him. To run my fingers through his thick silky hair again. To feel his strong demanding mouth hot against mine. The butterflies in my stomach revved up into full gear as I remembered our kiss and longed for another.

The movie had started but I wasn't paying any attention. I was so consumed with my inner turmoil. What was I doing wrong? I wished I knew what I was supposed to do. I peeked over at him and saw that his eyes were fixed on the screen. His arms were still crossed protectively across his chest. I could see his jaw muscles straining. He was definitely tense. I could feel the tension rolling off of him. I felt so helpless.

I turned back to the screen and tried to watch the movie, but all I could think about was the man sitting next to me, the desire growing inside me and the utter despair of not knowing what to do about it.

Finally after an agonizingly long 2 hours the movie ended. Michael stood up briskly and we both exited the theater without a word. The car ride back to the bakery was filled with awkward silence. I could feel the tears building. I was afraid to speak because I knew at any moment they would break through. None of this was happening as it should.

He pulled the truck to a stop at the curb in front of my bakery. We both sat there for a moment in silence.

"Maybe I'll take a rain check on that dinner." He said still looking through the windshield. His jaw muscles were still taut. His knuckles were white where he gripped the steering wheel.

I couldn't speak, I knew the tears would come. I just nodded and opened the door, fleeing from his truck as quickly as I could while still maintaining my dignity. It took a great deal of self-control to simply walk to my car and not sprint for it.

Once safely inside my car I watched as his truck pulled away and then I broke down and cried. Tears of confusion and rejection and pain poured from me for what seemed like an eternity. What had gone wrong? I thought over every moment we'd spent together.

When we finally met the other night he had seemed attracted to me. He remembered me at least, so I had made an impression. He had even kissed me that night. And there was something to that kiss, something deep and passionate. Wasn't there? Maybe all of his kisses were like that. Maybe it only seemed special to me because I was so pathetically inexperienced.

I thought again of the beautiful French woman I had seen him with before. I was sure she was experienced beyond what I could even imagine. I could never offer him what I'm sure she did. Maybe he'd realized that. Realized that at age 24 I was still just a girl who didn't know how to be with a man, wouldn't even know where to start.

I thought about all the things I'd told him that night at the bakery. I had told him that I couldn't stop thinking about him after that night in the coffee shop. Admitted that seeing him a year later with another woman had drove me to quit my job. Oh God! How could I have told him that? He must've thought I was crazy.

He probably only took me out because he felt sorry for me. But we'd had fun at the carnival, hadn't we? I thought it had gone well. And I was sure he was going to kiss me that night if the guard hadn't interrupted. But then why didn't he try again when he walked me to my car? Maybe he was beginning to realize that I was not what he wanted.

Tonight must have been a test. A real date. And obviously I had not met his expectations. My naiveté had shown through. I felt utterly stupid.

When I'd finally cried all of the tears I had I pulled myself together and solemnly drove home. Those were the most tears I'd ever shed and I would not do it again. I had been a fool to open my heart so completely, to expect it in return. I would not let that man ever get to me that way again. I would not let him make me feel so inadequate. Since when did I need a man to feel good about myself? I was a strong independent woman. I owned my own business after all. I had made it this far in life without a man. I didn't need one now.

But in the deepest pit of my heart I knew I wanted one, and not just any one. I wanted Michael. No, I was not a child but in the most personal sense I was not yet a woman either. Michael wanted a woman.

## Chapter 18: Jealousy

I couldn't concentrate. I stared down at the paintbrush in my hand and knew I wasn't going to make any more progress today. I couldn't stop thinking about Katherine and what a mess I had made of things the night before.

Our first date had gone perfectly, just as planned. We had a good time. I didn't come on too strong. I even managed to end the evening like a real gentleman, I didn't even try to kiss her. I was proud of myself for that, because it had not been easy. I hadn't wanted to be a gentleman. I had wanted to take her right there against her car. But with great effort I kept it together.

I wasn't sure what I'd planned to do with her the next night, but I definitely had not planned on spending two hours alone with her in a dark room. It had been almost unbearable.

When she had invited me back to her place I was taken off guard. I hadn't anticipated that and the temptation to be alone with her was strong. But I knew the temptation to seduce her would be stronger and it was too soon for that. I had a plan and I had to stick to it. I couldn't allow myself to yield to my desires. Not yet.

I needed to know her. I needed her to know me. I wanted more from her than just sex and in my experience when sex came first that was all you got. I wanted more.

A movie was the first thing that had popped into my head. I regretted it the moment the lights went down. She sat so close, I could hear her breathing I could smell her subtle feminine perfume. I could feel the heat from her body. I wanted her. Wanted her more than I'd ever wanted any woman before. When her arm lightly brushed against mine I almost came undone. I wanted to take her in my arms. To devour her.

But I knew I would come on too strong. It would be too much. She deserved to be courted, not devoured. So I tucked my arms tightly against my chest, gritted my teeth and endured the next two agonizing hours.

It was the longest two hours of my life. I didn't watch one second of the ridiculous movie we'd chosen. Instead I imagined all the ways I would seduce Katherine if I'd allow myself. How I would hold her, touch her, taste her. I imagined how she would smell, how she would feel, and how she would respond. I remembered the way she'd responded to our kiss in her bakery. I could feel my excitement building as I relived that moment.

When the movie finally ended I sighed a breath of relief as I stood and walked toward the door. I had done it. I had made it through the movie and kept my hands to myself. I was stronger than I'd thought.

But as soon as we were in the car I realized I had a bigger challenge ahead. She still wanted me to come back to her place for dinner. I couldn't do it. Not after having spent the last 2 hours imagining all the different ways to get her out of her clothes. I couldn't be alone with her now. I had definitely reached my limit of self-control for one night.

As I pulled the truck to the curb in front of her bakery I glanced over at Katherine and saw her luscious bottom lip pouting out in the most sensuous way. I was overwhelmed with the desire to pull her into my arms and kiss that beautiful mouth. Instead I gripped the steering wheel to hold myself in my seat and asked for a rain check on her invitation to dinner. Without a word she got out of the truck and walked back to her car.

Thinking back over the evening I realized that she'd seemed upset when I dropped her off. She was oddly quiet on the drive back from the theater. I hadn't noticed at the time because I was so consumed with my inner struggle over my desire to have her, battling the temptation to go back to her place and give in.

But now that my head was clear, now that I was not consumed with passion I realized that she definitely seemed upset. She hadn't even said good-bye. She just got out of the truck. What was that about?

I realized I hadn't really talked much. Actually I hadn't talked at all. I was so locked inside my own head last night that I'd practically ignored her. Okay, from her point of view I had completely ignored her. She didn't know that she'd consumed my every thought all evening. I had to make it up to her. Tonight I'd take her to a nice restaurant. A nice well lit restaurant.

I showed up at the bakery just before 3, as was becoming my routine. When I walked inside I searched for her but only saw Amy at the counter. She didn't smile.

There was a customer standing with her so I just wandered over to one of the small tables against the wall to wait. My eyes were riveted on the kitchen door expectantly so I saw Katherine as soon as she strode through it. To my surprise she was dressed in a sophisticated blue cocktail dress with her long hair piled expertly on her head. She didn't see me at first. Instead she walked around the counter into the waiting arms of the man who'd been talking with Amy.

"Hey Rick" I heard her say as I watched from the corner.

"You look stunning Katherine." He said to her as he took her in his arms.

My stomach turned and my fist clenched involuntarily. Apparently he wasn't a customer. Amy cleared her throat and Katherine followed her gaze to me. Her eyes widened in shock. She obviously hadn't been expecting me.

"Michael?" She quickly stepped out of the embrace of the man next to her.

"I'm sorry... I thought..." I didn't know what I'd thought. I guess I figured she expected me to come tonight, but realized quickly that we hadn't actually made plans to see each other again. I had just assumed she'd expect me. I had assumed she wanted to see me as much as I wanted to see her. Apparently I was wrong. She was obviously dressed for a date. Had she gotten her hair done? I struggled to maintain control and composure.

"Just thought I'd stop by and see what you were doing tonight." I finally finished my garbled sentence trying to sound casual, but feeling anything but.

"Oh... Uh... This is Rick." She said gesturing to the guy next to her.

He stepped forward and eyed me competitively. I looked him over once and knew without a doubt I could crush him. He was polished and pretty in his little suit. So was that her type?

"Pleased to meet you." Rick said offering his hand, the look on his face said he was anything but pleased. We shook hands and he immediately backed away. Wimp.

"Rick invited me to a fundraiser tonight..." Katherine trailed off, she looked nervous.

This was awkward. No point in dragging it out any longer.

"Well you two have fun." I said in my best impression of nonchalance I could manage. "See you around Katherine." I left before it could get any more uncomfortable if that were even possible.

I drove straight to the beach and jogged up the trail to my cliff.

For the first hour I couldn't even think. I just stared numbly at the waves below, a storm was brewing the ocean was restless. I was restless. I had to move, I couldn't sit still. I climbed down the face of the cliff to the beach below and paced along the shore.

High tide was coming in and the tide pools were beginning to overflow. I watched as a trapped eel circled the small tide pool that now contained him. I imagined that he felt very confused with the abrupt turn his life had just taken.

Surely he had been chasing some tasty little fish he'd planned on having for dinner. He had his eye on his goal and was moving toward it, but then suddenly with the crash of a wave he was derailed. He was trapped left to circle and wonder what to do now.

My life had been on such a sure course. Fate had brought Katherine to me. Not once but three times. How could I possibly have any path other than her? I felt like we were building something. I had a plan. I thought she felt the same.

She hadn't expected me to come tonight.

She had a date. She'd had her hair done. How long had she had this date planned? Probably before we'd even met. Obviously my presence in her life hadn't altered her course the way it had mine. When I finally found her three nights ago my path instantly changed course, everything suddenly revolved around her. I would've given up anything to be with her, know her.

She hadn't even cancelled her date.

I had assumed she felt what I felt. I had assumed she wanted what I wanted. I had seen the intensity in her eyes, felt it in her kiss. Did she kiss him like that? My blood boiled at the thought of that prissy little wimp trying to kiss her.

I thought about the perfectly pressed suit he'd worn. I didn't even own a suit. She had looked beautiful in that sexy blue dress. She hadn't dressed like that for our dates. Why not? Did she think just because I was a painter I couldn't take her somewhere nice? Is that what she wanted? Fancy suits and expensive restaurants? He probably worked at a bank, he looked like he worked at a bank. Maybe an accountant.

I stayed on the beach sulking until it grew dark and cold. I realized that aside from our first night together when I'd so ineptly confessed my feelings for her I had been making a great effort to contain them. Maybe I'd done that too well. Maybe I'd been too casual. Maybe she didn't realize how deep my feelings for her ran. Was that even possible?

I felt like I'd been totally transparent, trying desperately to control the overwhelming emotions I'd felt around her. I had assumed she felt the same as I did, but was it possible that she didn't even know what I felt? Well I would not make that mistake again. If I saw her again I would not hold back. I would let her know how I felt, and give her the choice to take it or leave it. I only hoped that I would see her again.

With new determination I climbed my way back up the side of the cliff. It was much harder to navigate after dark. I grunted as I pulled myself up over the edge and sat there a moment catching my breath.

"I thought I'd find you here." Katherine's voice came from behind me.

## Chapter 19: Passion

I worked without enthusiasm. I was weighed down by the emotions that had hung heavily on me since my horrible date with Michael the night before. I tried not to let the despair overtake me. I had been so sure that he had felt something for me, but last night had shown me differently. He had been so indifferent toward me. Acted as though I wasn't even there. No. That wasn't it exactly. He had acted as if my presence was unbearable. He could barely sit through a movie with me. He couldn't get rid of me quickly enough, blowing me off as soon as the movie was over.

I felt so hopeless and empty as I drifted through my day. I was able to avoid Amy's scrutiny through the morning rush, but it didn't last long enough.

"Okay, what's going on Katherine? You look like someone died." She said following me into the kitchen as soon as our shop had emptied that morning.

I shrugged not sure how to explain.

"Is it about Michael?" She asked sympathetically.

I felt my throat tighten and the tears burn behind my lids, but I'd promised myself I wouldn't cry over him again so I sucked it back before I answered.

"I don't think I'll be seeing him again." I told her trying hard to concentrate on the dough I was kneading so that I wouldn't have to meet her concerned stare.

"Why?" She asked softly putting her hand on my shoulder.

"I don't know." I whispered.

"What happened?" She prodded gently.

"I don't know. We went to the movies last night and... and nothing. I mean we didn't talk, he seemed weird, it ended weird. I just don't know what happened."

"Sometimes when you have someone built up into a fantasy it's hard for them to live up to it." Amy suggested.

"But that's just the thing. He had lived up to it. I mean he was everything I'd always imagined him to be. Our first date was great. We laughed and talked and it was perfect, he was perfect... but then... I don't know."

Just then the doorbells chimed and Amy turned to glance out the kitchen window.

"Guess who?" She said looking out the small round window on the kitchen door.

My heart leapt as I rushed to her side to look out the window with her. Then my heart sank to my feet. It was Rick.

"Oh God, not today." I moaned.

"I think today is perfect." Amy decided "Rick is just what you need right now. Nothing like a little male attention to boost a girl's spirits." And with that she pushed me through the kitchen door before I knew what she was doing.

"Katherine!" Rick said looking at me like a hopeful puppy dog.

"Hey Rick." I said already planning my revenge against Amy for throwing me to the wolves like this, again. Well to be fair it was more like throwing me to a puppy dog, but the sentiment still applied.

"I've been thinking about what a great time I had the other night." Rick said grinning his Cheshire cat grin

"Yeah, thanks again for dinner. It was nice."

"Look I know this is short notice, but there's this fundraiser that my firm is holding tonight and I was hoping you might be free." I could practically imagine his tail wagging.

"You bet she's free." Amy said from behind me and I twirled around to shoot daggers at her with my eyes. What was she doing?

"Great!" Rick exclaimed "Okay so it's semi-formal. Starts at 5. How about I just meet you here when you close shop?" I had the feeling he was talking so fast so I wouldn't have the chance to back out.

"Sure." I conceded.

I didn't have the energy to think of a decent excuse not to go, and poor Rick looked so eager. Besides, I thought with a sinking despair, Michael hadn't asked to see me again tonight.

Amy insisted on going home to bring me a dress that she thought I should wear. When she returned she was fully armed with an arsenal of curling irons, hair spray and make-up. I had the suspicion that she'd only pushed me into another date so that she could play dress up with me again.

I cooperated. Allowing her to primp all she wanted until I was buffed, sprayed and polished to her satisfaction. I had no excitement over the upcoming evening. I was just ready to get it over with.

Rick arrived on schedule and I looked at myself one last time in the small bathroom mirror. I didn't even recognize myself. I hated these formal events. I was out of my element.

I walked out into the lobby and saw Rick talking with Amy. He was elegantly dressed in a very handsome suit, every hair in perfect order on his head. I tried to show the proper amount of enthusiasm for the evening as I strode over to greet him.

Then Amy cleared her throat and I realized she was staring across the shop. I followed her line of sight and saw Michael staring back at me.

His dark hair was tousled and falling into his eyes, he wore a paint stained t-shirt and an old pair of jeans. He took my breath away. I was shocked and thrilled to see him. I hadn't expected to see him again. Not after the way he'd acted last night. I had convinced myself that he was not interested in me. That the emotions I'd felt were one sided. But the fire that burned in his eyes as he stared at Rick told me differently.

I fumbled through an awkward introduction wondering what to do. I wanted to talk to Michael alone. I wanted to know why he'd come tonight, I wanted to understand the meaning behind the look in his eyes. But suddenly the fire cooled he smiled lightly and said "See you around Katherine" as he strode out the door and out of my life again.

My heart followed. It was all I could do not to run after him. I was terrified that I would never see him again. I was torn between my love for him and my pride.

To run after him would be to abandon all pride. It would mean laying my feelings out for him to accept or reject. After the emotional roller coaster I'd been on over the last few days I wasn't sure if I could take the rejection.

So I let him walk away, and I went to the fundraiser with Rick. I'm not sure what we were raising funds for. I'm not sure if I even spoke at all throughout the evening. My thoughts never left Michael. I couldn't stand the not knowing. Not knowing how he felt. Not knowing where this was going. I'd spent too long waiting for him, thinking of him to play this game now. I decided rejection was better than not knowing.

I would do it. I would put it all out there. I needed to know what he felt for me, so I would start by telling him what I felt for him. If he was interested in me he was going to tell me. If not then he would have to tell me that too.

I left Rick at his fundraiser with an apology and not much explanation. I took a cab to the beach and walked out to the cliff where I'd hoped I would find Michael. He was there, sitting on the edge.

"I thought I'd find you here." I said and he turned around and stood to face me.

The sun had set and it was too dark to read the expression on his face. We stood quietly in a moment of darkness then he took three long strides forward closing the distance between us and without a word took me in his arms.

I felt his hard mouth crush over mine with a need that matched my own. I reached up and ran my fingers through his hair just as I had imagined doing and grabbed fistfuls of it as he deepened the kiss. I moaned and leaned back as his mouth trailed down across my neck and back up again. His arms pulled me tight against him and I felt a warmth growing inside me that I had never known. Not until Michael.

Slowly he softened the kiss and then gently pulled away. He stroked his hand down my cheek and I could see the depths of his blue eyes glowing in the dark.

"I can't control myself with you." He whispered.

"Then don't." I said straining up to kiss him again.

The kiss was soft this time, not as urgent as the first but still it stirred my desire. It felt so good to finally be kissing him. To feel his arms around me. To have broken through the wall that had been between us. All the words I'd thought to say were lost. All that mattered was this one moment. This kiss.

"Did you eat?" he asked pulling his face back but still holding my body tight against his.

"No." I whispered against his neck as I leaned in to kiss his throat. It felt so good to finally feel free to kiss him. I didn't want to stop.

"Is my rain check for dinner still good?" he asked as he nuzzled my neck.

My heart leaped as I nodded my head, unable to speak. He kept his arm wrapped around my waist as he led me back to his truck.

"Where's your car?" He asked when we got to the dirt lot.

"Still at the bakery. I took a cab here." I admitted sheepishly.

"What would you have done if I wasn't here?" He asked with amusement in his eyes and a smile that was almost smug.

"I would've called Amy." I said with a shrug "If you'll take me back to my car you can follow me to my place." I offered trying to hide the nervousness in my voice.

He opened the door for me and I climbed in the cab of the truck. Suddenly I was nervous and excited and anxious all at the same time.

"Look, Rick is just a friend." I tried to explain suddenly feeling like I needed to. "He came by the shop today and asked if I'd go to some fundraiser with him. I didn't really want to but Amy agreed for me and then she went way over board with the hair and clothes. I guess I shouldn't have really gone along with it but..." I trailed off as he laid his hand over mine. I knew I was rambling.

"It's okay Katherine, you don't have to explain." But something in his voice told me he was relieved to hear the explanation.

"I just wanted you to know that I'm not like dating him. I mean, I guess it was a date, but not like a real date." I felt completely ridiculous

"So are we dating? Like a real date." He asked casually with a smile on his lips.

"I thought... I mean I hoped..." I didn't know how to finish

"I hoped too." He whispered squeezing my hand and the butterflies inside me erupted.

He pulled the truck up to the curb and turned to me. I was relieved to see him looking perfectly relaxed with that sexy smile on his lips. None of the tension I'd seen the night before.

"Okay, so follow me." I said smiling nervously and hoping it didn't show.

"Right behind you." He assured me

I jumped out of the truck and walked to my car, this time trying not to skip. My heart was soaring. I giggled at the realization that he'd been jealous when he saw me with Rick. I felt so foolish for thinking he wasn't interested in me. Something must've been on his mind last night, and I was just being overly sensitive. I just didn't have enough experience with men to understand them. But I wouldn't let him see that. I would show him that I could be exactly what he wanted, what he needed in a woman.

My heart raced as I wondered if I could actually go through with this. I wasn't sure if I'd know what to do. I looked in my rearview mirror and saw his truck following me. I was actually bringing a man back to my place. No, not just a man. Michael.

I pulled into my apartment and parked in my usual spot. I tried to lean casually against my car waiting for him. Hoping he would not see through the charade and realize how much I was trembling on the inside. He parked a few spaces down and then walked over to me looking confused.

"You live here?" He asked

"Yeah, why?" I wondered if there was something wrong, his expression looked bewildered.

"I live here too." He told me and for a minute I thought he was joking, but the look on his face quickly told me he wasn't.

"For how long?" I asked in amazement.

"A couple of years. You?"

"Same"

We both just stood in the parking lot staring at each other wondering at the meaning. How could we have lived in the same building for several years and never met? Then I realized how rarely I was home. There were plenty of neighbors I hadn't met.

"Fate." He stated simply as if that one word explained it all.

And somehow it did.

I smiled and took his hand and pulled him toward the door.

We walked inside together and went to the elevator. We ascended in silence and I wondered if the elevator had always been this slow. The tension in the air was palpable. Could he feel that too?

He followed me to my apartment still not speaking. I opened the door and he followed me inside. I turned to face him and before I could speak he pulled me into his arms and kissed me again. I wasn't expecting it this time, but the flood of desire that filled me immediately replaced the momentary surprise and completely overwhelmed me.

"I'm sorry." He said pulling himself away too quickly.

I didn't even think of a response. I wouldn't allow my mind time to ponder why he should be sorry. I was too consumed with my desire. I reached forward grabbing his face and pulled him back against me kissing him again. I pressed by body against his and he let out a low groan against my lips as he reached his arms around me and pulled me in even tighter. He ran one hand up my back until it reached the base of my neck. Then he reached up with both hands and pulled out the hairpins Amy had so expertly applied earlier in the evening.

"I like your hair down." He whispered in a throaty breath as my hair cascaded down around my shoulders.

His kisses became more urgent, more demanding. I allowed myself to get lost in the moment and realized I didn't have to think, I only had to feel.

"I'm trying... but you're so... I can't." He panted incoherently between kisses.

I pulled away and looked into his eyes. Did he not want this?

"I'm sorry." I mumbled looking at the floor so he wouldn't see the tears in my eyes "I shouldn't have... if you don't want to..."

He grabbed my chin and pulled my face up. His mouth crushed down over mine before I could pull away. I was so confused. I had no idea what he wanted, why he hesitated. All I knew was I never wanted this moment to end. I never wanted him to stop kissing me.

I pulled him toward the couch as we kissed and we slowly lowered our bodies without breaking our embrace. He supported himself over me delicately, but I reached my arms around his waist and pulled his body down on mine more firmly. I wrapped one of my legs around his waist pressing our bodies together. I felt the hardness growing between his legs and it stirred something inside me. I wanted him.

I knew this was all moving too fast. It was completely irrational. I had always considered myself a logical person, but there was nothing logical about this. I had never been so driven by my emotions before, and these emotions were all new to me. Maybe that is why I was so overwhelmed by the intensity of them. I had never felt so completely drawn to another person, so attracted, so consumed with desire. I was overflowing with new emotions and desires that I never imagined I could entertain. It was amazing and bewildering and overpowering.

I felt his hand slide under my shirt and I shivered at the new sensations I felt. His hand felt so hot against my skin. He rested his hand on my rib cage just below my breast, again he seemed to be hesitating. I tried to sit up and he immediately pulled back allowing me to sit.

Without saying anything I lifted my shirt over my head and then removed my bra. Slowly he reached his hand forward and cupped my face in his palm. I leaned my head into his hand and he bent forward to kiss me, gently this time not as intensely as before but the effect was just the same.

My head swam with the dizziness I felt as his lips gently brushed against mine. Then still kissing me softly he ran his hand down from my face along my neck until finally it reached my breast. I shuddered as I felt his hot hand squeeze my breast tenderly.

He softly kissed my mouth then traced his lips along my jaw line. He brought his other hand up to cup my other breast as he kissed my neck and then brushed his soft lips along my collarbone. I leaned my head back and let out a soft moan when I felt his mouth find my breast. His tongue played with my nipple softly and I felt my whole body shiver. Then he pulled away and I snapped my head back up to see why he stopped. He looked like he was in agony. I couldn't understand why.

"Are you sure?" He whispered studying my face.

"I've never been so sure of anything in my life." I replied and reached forward to remove his shirt as well.

I looked at his amazingly sculpted body and reached out to run my hand down his muscular chest until it rested on his pants. My hand was shaking. I had never done anything like this before. I looked back up into his eyes and knew without a doubt that this was what I wanted.

I stood and took his hand pulling him up from the couch. We walked silently toward the bedroom hand in hand. Once through the door I turned toward him and he looked deep into my eyes again. I reached over and undid the button on his jeans. He smiled and helped me with mine.

We undressed silently and stood there looking at each other's bodies. I had never seen a grown man naked before. Not in person anyway. I stared and the butterflies in my stomach started fluttering around again. He stepped closer to me and leaned down to kiss me gently leaving a small space between our naked bodies. As soon as he began kissing me again the nervousness vanished and was replaced by pure unadulterated passion. I pressed my body into his, feeling all of him against my naked burning skin. His kissing became more urgent and we moved toward the bed.

He lowered me down and again placed his body over mine. I spread my legs apart letting him settle in against me. I felt his hardness pressing against my soft wet center as he kissed my face and neck. I had never been so aware of that part of my body before. I could feel my pulse throbbing there as if all the blood in my body was being redirected to that one spot.

Instinctively I raised my hips toward him and he hesitated for a moment, pulling his head back to search my eyes again. I reached up pulling his face down to mine and kissed him with all the passion I felt. He kissed me back, and I spread my legs farther apart as he pushed himself inside me.

I drew in a sharp breath at the initial pain I felt when he pressed himself into me. He paused as my body tensed. Then he began moving slowly, gently. I relaxed and accepted all of him, moving my body in synch with his.

Our bodies moved together connected in the most intimate way. It felt like our souls were connecting. I felt almost like I would cry, but only out of pure joy. Waves of pleasure washed through my body as he rocked against me. He moved slowly at first, tentatively, but just like with our kissing the intensity of his movements grew stronger. I let my senses take over and moved my body against his.

The pressure inside me grew, building in intensity until I wasn't sure if I could handle anymore, then suddenly the dam broke and I screamed in ecstasy as my body shook beneath him. He too seemed to reach this new level with me and his body trembled on top of me as he let out a low moan of his own. Finally he relaxed and pulled away lying next to me on his side one arm and leg still draped across me.

I nestled my head against him, our sweaty bodies still intertwined as our breathing slowed. We just lay like that for several minutes, not speaking. We didn't need to, no words could compare to what our bodies had just expressed.

Suddenly I was exhausted. My eyelids felt so heavy. I allowed them to close as I snuggled in closer to Michael. He kept me held tightly in his arms and just as I was drifting off to sleep I heard him whisper.

"I love you".

## Chapter 20: Forever

The only thing better than falling asleep with Katherine in my arms, was waking up with her. She looked so peaceful as she slept next to me. Her hair wildly tangled around her face, a slight smile on her lips. As always her beauty unarmed me.

I had thought that meeting Katherine had been the best day of my life, but every day since then had topped the one before, culminating in last night. I thought about how she had touched me, how she had responded to my touch. It was like nothing I had ever experienced before. Surely she couldn't regret that, she had wanted me as much as I had wanted her and it had been so amazing to be with her.

She started to stir in my arms and I realized she was beginning to wake up. Instinctively I tensed, not sure what the morning would bring. I tried to brace myself for anything. As her eye's fluttered open I could feel my anxiety building as I waited for that unmistakable look of regret. But when her eyes finally focused on mine all I saw was love, and my heart overflowed with it.

"Good morning." She smiled at me sleepily.

"Morning." I watched her face waiting to see the comprehension. Waiting for her to remember last night. Had we moved too fast? Had I ruined everything?

"I'm so happy its Sunday." She said stretching and then she laughed at my confused expression.

"My day off." She informed me. Then she propped herself up on one elbow and stared into my eyes for a moment.

"Are you okay?" She asked studying my expression. I tried to feel my own face, wondering how I looked to her.

"I've never been better in all my life." I told her honestly.

"You look like a kid who just got caught with his hand in the cookie jar." She giggled. The analogy made me laugh too.

"Are you okay?" I asked her, still a little apprehensive.

In response she leaned forward and kissed me.

"I've never been better." She whispered against my lips. It sent shivers through me.

"Want some breakfast?" She asked jumping out of bed and throwing on an oversized t-shirt.

"You don't have to cook for me." I said

"I like cooking." She told me as she headed toward the door. "You can take a shower if you like." She said gesturing to the bathroom door. "I'll be in the kitchen." And with that she was gone.

I lay there for a few minutes allowing the pleasure of the moment to wash over me. Last night had been passion like I'd never experienced, but this, this love and warmth and utter happiness was more than I'd ever hoped for. She was more than I'd ever thought to hope for. I had dreamt of her beauty but I'd never imagined the depth of her kindness, her sincerity and her ability to love. Everything I'd ever wanted had been delivered to me in this moment. I was purely and utterly happy.

I decided to shower before meeting her for breakfast. I had just stepped into the shower when the door opened behind me.

"I decided to join you." Katherine said standing there in front of me completely naked again, her big t-shirt on the floor at her feet.

I stepped aside to let her climb in beside me. She tilted her head back to let the water run through her hair. I admired how perfect her body was as I leaned against the wall of the small shower watching her. As she stood there with her head leaned back into the water, her eyes closed, her back arched, water glistening as it ran down her body I couldn't imagine anyone ever looking as beautiful as she did in that moment.

Then she opened her eyes and looked at me igniting a heat inside me the way only she could. I took a step closer to her and she wrapped her arms around my waist pressing her body against mine. She laid her head against my chest and I hugged her to me. We stood like that for what seemed like hours, just holding each other in a tight embrace with the hot water streaming down over our bodies.

Eventually she pulled her head away from my chest and looked up at me. I leaned down to kiss her. As we kissed she ran her fingertips gently up and down my back sending tingles through my body. Our kissing intensified. I turned our bodies so that the hot water was against my back and her back was against the wall. I leaned in pressing her against the wall as we kissed.

She raised one leg to wrap it around my waist bracing herself against the wall. I ran my hand down her stomach as I kissed her, until I reached the warm center between her legs. I felt that she was ready for me. I slid my hand over to grab her other leg and lifted her body so that she could wrap both legs around me. I entered her as she clung to me tightly. Her arms were wrapped around my neck and I held her thighs pressing her into the wall as I moved against her. She kissed my neck and moaned softly in my ear. I pulled my head back so that I could look into her eyes. It felt like we were staring into each other's souls as our bodies moved in unison.

I had never felt so completely connected to another person. I didn't want the moment to end. It did end though, rather abruptly, as the hot water turned cold. We both screamed at the shock of the cold water hitting our hot bodies. We pulled apart and I quickly turned the water off as she jumped out of the shower. She handed me a towel laughing as I stepped out of the shower with her. We both laughed as we dried off and the romantic mood seemed lost for the moment.

I walked to her bed and sat on the edge. She surprised me by following and standing in front of me. She was still naked and the way she stood in front of me her breasts were only inches from my face. I reached for her running my hands along her thighs, up her sides and finally cupping her breasts. I leaned forward and kissed her breasts as I held them in my hands. She ran her fingers through my hair and then pulled my head back away from her body. I looked up at her face confused. Did she want me to stop?

She quickly quieted my fear as she straddled my lap and lowered herself down on me. She took me inside her easily this time and immediately began moving her hips against me. She kissed me urgently as I caressed her back. I moved farther onto the bed lying down. She remained sitting on top of me rocking her body back and forth. She arched her back and threw her head back closing her eyes. She moaned loudly as her movements became faster. With each thrust she pushed me deeper inside of her.

I held on to the edge of the precipice until I felt her tighten around me, then I erupted inside her and she brought her body down against mine as she shuddered with pleasure. She remained lying on top of me for several minutes with our bodies still connected as we tried to catch our breaths.

Once we were both breathing normally again she rolled to her side and laid her head on my chest. I gently rubbed her back as we lay together for a few minutes longer.

"Breakfast?" She finally asked and my stomach growled in response making us both laugh.

## Chapter 21: Soul Mates

If I could have spent all my time making love to Michael I would have been perfectly content. But we both had lives to lead, businesses to run. I had the bakery and he had his painting. We couldn't spend all our time wrapped in each other's arms as much as we both would have loved to.

Michael went back to his list of clients and occupied his days painting murals all around the city. I still loved my shop and loved being there, even if he wasn't with me. If I had to spend time away from him, I couldn't think of anywhere else I'd rather be.

When I got home at night he was always waiting for me. Some nights we stayed in my apartment, other nights in his, but every night we were together. I barely slept anymore, but I didn't mind. Michael and I would stay up late into the night talking, sharing stories from our lives and learning about each other. When we weren't talking we were making love. I never imagined I could ever be so happy. My life finally felt complete, nothing was lacking anymore.

Sundays were my favorite day. The bakery was closed and it was the only time that Michael and I could spend the whole day together. Most Sundays we would sleep in late, and then make breakfast together. Some days we never made it out of bed.

One Sunday we decided to invite our friends over for dinner. I still saw Amy every day at the bakery, but I hadn't done anything with her and Dan since I'd met Michael over a month ago. And he hadn't even seen his friends Charlie and Claire since we'd met. He'd told me all about them and I was very excited to meet them.

"What time is everyone getting here?" Michael asked hugging my back and peeking over my shoulder at the apricot glaze I was making.

"Around 5." I told him stirring the sauce.

"So we have a little time?" He asked suggestively pressing his hips against my backside.

I turned the stove off and moved the sauce off the burner. I turned around in his arms to face him.

"What did you have in mind?" I asked our faces only inches apart.

He grabbed my waist and spun us around so he could lift me up onto the counter. He kissed me and for a moment I forgot everything else. I wrapped my legs around him and kissed him back. After a few minutes the oven timer reminded me that I had a dinner to prepare.

I reluctantly pulled away from Michael and hopped down off the counter. I pulled the pork roast out of the oven and brushed the apricot glaze over it then put it back in. I reset the timer for another 30 minutes and turned to look into Michael's expectant eyes. I didn't need to say anything, he swept me up into his arms and carried me to the bedroom.

I undressed quickly, knowing exactly what I wanted, but he wouldn't let me rush. He pushed me down onto the bed and held me there while his hands and mouth explored my body. The anticipation grew and I writhed beneath his touch. He teased me with soft kisses and light touches that only intensified the burning all consuming passion I felt.

Slowly deliberately he kissed every inch of my body until I finally couldn't stand it any longer. I sat up twisting our bodies around and pushing him onto the bed beneath me. He smiled at my aggressiveness as I pulled his clothes off and climbed on top of him.

I decided to tease him a little too as I hovered over him only allowing him to enter me slightly. I smiled at the anguish on his face as he strained to push deeper inside me but I held my position suspended above him. I saw the desire flash in his eyes as he pulled my face down to his and crushed his mouth against mine. I lost all control and brought my body down fully against his allowing him to enter me completely. We both moaned simultaneously at the pleasure of our bodies joining together.

Immediately we began rocking against each other, moving at a feverish pace. I couldn't move fast enough, hard enough to satisfy my need for him. He flipped me onto my back and pulled my legs up over his shoulders. In this position he was able to push even deeper inside of me. I raised my hips to take all of him in. We moved against each other frantically, faster and harder with each thrust until finally our bodies both shook with pleasure and we collapsed against each other. Seconds later the oven timer went off.

"Dinner's ready" He panted, and we both laughed.

I pulled the roast out of the oven and then we both jumped in the shower to get ready for our guests that would be arriving soon.

Amy and Dan were the first to arrive. I introduced Michael and Dan and left them to talk while Amy and I went to the kitchen to finish preparing dinner.

"How can I help?" Amy asked looking around the kitchen

"You can get the snap peas ready while I make the orange-ginger butter." I told her. She eagerly accepted her assignment and started breaking the tips off the peas.

"You seem happy." She said as we worked in the kitchen.

"I am." I told her

"Do you love him?" She asked

"Yes." I answered without hesitation.

I looked up to see her reaction and she was smiling.

"If it was anyone else I wouldn't believe that they were in love after only a month with someone, but you've never been like anyone else Katherine." She smiled at me "You've never been one to fall easily, that's for sure."

We both laughed, but her comment made me think of Jared. I remembered how upset he'd looked the last time I'd seen him at her wedding.

"Jared is seeing someone now too." Amy told me as if she'd read my thoughts.

"That's wonderful!" I exclaimed.

I was so relieved to know that I hadn't scarred him permanently. I thought back to that time when I had felt incapable of love. I had been so wrong. Michael had shown me how intensely I could love someone, how intensely I could love him.

Just then Michael came into the kitchen to tell me that Charlie and Claire had arrived. Amy had just finished cooking the snap peas and I tossed them with the butter, carved the roast and dinner was served.

Introductions were made all around the table. It was so nice to have everyone I loved sitting together. Amy was my best friend. She and Dan were the closest thing to a family I had ever had. I was so glad to finally be meeting Charlie and Claire, I could tell from the way Michael spoke of them that they meant a lot to him.

I knew Michael was happy to see his friends too. We had been so absorbed in each other lately that we hadn't spent time with anyone else. Having all of our friends over tonight made everything feel complete.

"So where did you guys meet?" Claire asked as we ate.

I looked at Michael and we both smiled. Normally that should be an easy question to answer.

"Well I guess at my bakery... technically." I answered and Michael and I both laughed.

"Didn't you make my wedding cake?" Claire asked looking confused.

"Yes I did."

"I knew you looked familiar," Claire said "Didn't you meet at the wedding?"

"Not exactly" I replied, wondering how to explain.

"You're the girl from the coffee shop." Charlie interjected.

"What?" Claire looked more confused than ever.

"Back at UCSD there was a girl in a coffee shop that Michael kept staring at one night." Charlie recalled "It was the night you found out about your mom, just before you took off." He said to Michael "She's the girl isn't she?"

"Yeah, she's the girl." Michael said smiling at me and reaching for my hand. "That was the first night Michael and I saw each other." I explained. "We saw each other again at your wedding. But we didn't actually meet until a month ago when he painted a mural at my bakery."

"That's so romantic." Claire gushed smiling at both of us.

"I'm just glad Katherine's finally getting a life!" Amy joked. "I was beginning to lose hope"

"I know exactly what you mean." Claire exclaimed rolling her eyes toward Michael and everyone laughed.

The six of us got along perfectly. We ate dinner in my apartment and then we all went upstairs to Michael's place so he could show Charlie and Claire some of his latest paintings. Recently he had begun painting small canvases again. Most were portraits I had posed for, but they were so much more beautiful than I actually was. Michael was such a talented painter.

"Did you tell Katherine the good news yet?" Dan asked Amy as we all sat down to have some wine.

"What good news?" I asked her, she looked a little nervous.

"I've been offered a job as a fashion consultant for a teen magazine." Amy told me looking down at her glass.

"That's wonderful!" I exclaimed.

She beamed a big smile and looked relieved.

"I couldn't believe it when I got the call." She gushed

"I believe it." I told her "It was only a matter of time before someone recognized your talent."

"They want me to start in two weeks." She said a little quieter, looking down at her glass again.

"You're going to be fantastic!" I told her.

"But what are you going to do?" She asked looking back up at me.

"I'll hire someone." I shrugged. "I'll put some fliers up at the institute. There are plenty of eager culinary students looking for a job."

"I feel so guilty leaving you." Amy cried.

"I'll be fine." I assured her. "I'll miss you, but this is what you're supposed to be doing. You were meant for fashion, not cookies." I laughed and got up to hug her.

"I'll miss you too." Amy was really crying now, but I wouldn't let her feel bad about this. I was so proud of her.

"I am so excited for you! Tell me all about it." I exclaimed trying to steer the conversation back towards a happy tone. It worked and Amy started telling us all about her new job.

After a few bottles of wine and several hours of conversation everyone began looking tired. Tomorrow was Monday and we all had places to be in the morning, so reluctantly we said goodnight. I couldn't have been happier with how the evening had gone. Michael felt more a part of me than ever. Everything about our lives had blended so naturally, I couldn't imagine my life without him.

"I love you." He whispered to me as we lay in bed that night.

"I love you too" I replied as I nestled my head against his chest. He sighed.

"It was fun having everyone over tonight."

"Yeah, I'm glad everyone got along so well."

"Me too, it's important for the in-laws to get along."

"Amy and Dan really are the closest thing to a family that I've ever had, it means so much to me that you love them too." I told him.

"What did happen to your family Katherine?" Michael asked me.

"They died."

I realized he already knew that, but I wasn't sure exactly how to respond.

"How?" He probed.

This was the one thing we hadn't talked about. I had told him everything else about my life, but not this. He had never asked before, and now that he had I didn't know what to tell him. I hadn't ever talked about that day with anyone, not even the counselors I was forced to see as a child. I wasn't sure if I could talk about it now.

"I was only five, I don't remember it very well." I started to tell him, and he wrapped his arms around me comfortingly.

"My parents had taken me to a museum and there was a terrible accident."

I felt his body stiffen as I said this. Confused I lifted my head to look at him. His face was pale and his eyes were wide.

"I was there." He whispered.

I didn't understand.

"What do you mean?" I asked

"I was ten years old and I was at a museum with my parents... I saw the sculpture fall... I was there."

Tears were running down my face as I listened to his words. The room started spinning. I sat up in bed and hugged my knees to my chest. I couldn't focus my mind. It was racing. Images from that horrible day flashed in my mind. My parents, my father's smile, my mother's eyes, and... and blue eyes. Michael's eyes. I turned to face him again and tears were running down his face too.

"How?" Was all I could manage to say in between sobs.

He wrapped his arms around me again and rocked slowly rubbing my back as I cried against his chest.

"I remember seeing you." I finally said after my crying had slowed "I remembered your eyes. I realize now that's what caught my attention in the coffee shop." My head was still tucked against his chest and he held me tightly as I spoke.

"You looked at me that day." His voice was distant and hoarse, I realized he was still crying too. "We looked into each other's eyes right before it fell..."

"I remember." I whispered.

"I haven't talked about that day since it happened." He told me "My parents refused to talk about it. I always wondered what happened to you. I saw your father try to throw you to safety, but I never knew..." He trailed off, and I looked up at him.

His eyes were focused on a distant memory. I had always tried not to think of that day, but now that I was allowing myself to remember it all seemed so clear.

"You saved me." I realized aloud. "It was you that saw it falling, you screamed, you're the reason my father had time to react. If you hadn't been there that day I would have died too."

He focused on me now.

He didn't say anything else. He just grabbed my face and kissed me passionately. I overflowed with emotion and Michael tenderly kissed my tears away. I laid my head back against his chest and he held me tightly.

"Do you remember my parents?" I asked him

"A little." He replied.

"Tell me about them." I asked

"I remember that they seemed very much in love, and they loved you too. I was actually a little jealous watching you with them. It seemed so perfect, something I wished my family could be. Your mother was very beautiful you look just like her. You have her eyes."

As he spoke of her, the fuzzy image in my mind came into better focus. I remembered her face. I smiled at the memory.

"You reminded me of her that night in the coffee shop. I didn't realize it then, not entirely, but I knew I had seen you before." He continued. "There was just something about you, something so..."

"Familiar." I finished. "I know. I felt the same way."

"You are my soul mate Katherine." Michael said confidently. "I knew the first moment I looked into your eyes, and every time after that. I've always known. I love you."

"I love you too."

The words didn't seem strong enough to express the overwhelming feelings I had for him. As a child I had often wondered why I had lived, had sometimes wished that I had died. But now I knew why I survived and I was glad that I had. I was meant to love this man.

"Marry me." Michael asked propping himself up on his elbow and looking down at my face. He was smiling excitedly tears still glistening in his sapphire eyes. I couldn't speak. I wrapped my arms around his neck and pulled him down to kiss me.

"Is that a yes?" he asked laughing as he pulled away.

"Yes, yes, yes!" I shouted and we kissed again.

All of my dreams were coming true even the ones I hadn't even thought to dream of.

## Chapter 22: The Past

I never imagined I could be so happy. I spent my days painting and my nights with Katherine. My reputation had exploded and I had waiting lists a mile long for murals. In one month I painted a snow-capped mountain range in a Chinese restaurant, a rain forest waterfall in a day spa, and an underwater scene in a children's library.

I enjoyed painting, and was paid very well for it, but something was missing. Landscapes had become too easy. I wasn't challenged anymore. I began to feel unfulfilled, and I missed Katherine during the day. I hated being away from her.

One night as Katherine and I ate dinner in her apartment I found myself lost in her face. I studied every curve, every shadow. As soon as we finished eating I asked her if we could go up to my place so that I could paint her. She seemed a little embarrassed at my request, but still reluctantly agreed to be my model.

The first painting I did of her was a portrait of her face. I finally had found the inspiration I was looking for. The image flowed onto the canvas without effort, as if by its own will. The finished piece was amazing. The only thing more beautiful was Katherine herself.

This became our pattern. I painted my murals during the day, making sure to finish and be home in time to meet her as soon as she closed the shop. She would cook dinner in her apartment and then after we ate we would go up to mine so that I could paint her. We stayed up late every night, talking and laughing as I painted her. We ended every evening wrapped in each other's arms. I had never been so happy.

Finally after a month we decided we needed to stop neglecting our friends. We invited everyone over for dinner and had a wonderful time. It was great seeing Charlie and Claire again, and they got along perfectly with Katherine's friends Amy and Dan. I loved seeing Katherine so happy.

That night after everyone left Katherine and I lay in bed together talking and something caused me to ask about her parents. She had always avoided the subject, and I knew the memory was painful for her so I had never asked before. But for some reason that night, I wanted to know. I knew everything else about her, and I wanted this last piece of information.

As she started to tell the story I was shocked to realize it was my story too. She had been the little girl I had seen in the museum. It was her family that I had watched die that terrible day so many years ago. As soon as the realization hit me I told her. We cried together as we both relived the painful memory.

It all came together that night. I realized that I had fallen in love with her that first moment our eyes met as children. My heart had belonged to her from that day, and it just took my mind a few years to catch up. We belonged together. We were soul mates. I knew that more strongly now than ever. I proposed to her that night and she said yes.

Of course I didn't have a ring, but I would quickly remedy that situation. The next day she went to work at the bakery as she always did, but I did not call the next client on my list. Instead I decided to shop for a ring.

If I hadn't decided to stay home that day, I wouldn't have been home when the messenger came. It was funny how Fate worked. I was just about to leave when the doorbell rang.

"Michael Carter?" The well-dressed messenger asked when I opened the door.

"Yes?" I examined his clothing and decided he looked more like a businessman than a messenger.

"I have a letter for you, please sign here." He stated matter-of-factly.

I signed for the letter and closed the door. Curiously I sat down to read it. It was only a few short typed lines requesting a meeting to discuss a mural. The letter was not signed.

I folded the letter and put it in my pocket as I left my apartment and went downtown to shop for a ring. I found the perfect one at an upscale jewelry store downtown. It was a princess-cut diamond solitaire on a gold band. It was elegant and simple, just like Katherine. I knew she would love it. My heart soared as I bought the ring and thought about how she would react when I gave it to her tonight.

As I left the jewelry shop I thought about the letter in my pocket. I pulled it out and looked at the address again. It was only a few blocks away, so I decided I would stop by to see what the mystery client wanted.

When I found the address I looked at the ominous sky-scraper and wondered who could have sent the letter. This did not look like the type of business I usually was called to. Curiosity drew me into the building. I walked to the reception desk and gave the timid-looking woman my name. She seemed to be expecting me and asked me to have a seat. She spoke quietly into an intercom as I walked to the row of metal chairs against the wall.

I glanced around the cold, austere room and felt strangely nervous. There was no warmth in this building. It was all concrete, glass and steel. No pictures hung on the walls; every piece of furniture was functional. You could barely call the room decorated. I had an urge to get up and leave, but my curiosity kept me in my seat. It wasn't long before someone approached me.

"Michael Carter?" The woman asked.

She was dressed in a grey business suit with her pale blonde hair pulled back in a severe bun. Her features were sharp and unattractive, her watery eyes pale and emotionless. She did not look capable of smiling.

"Yes." I responded, again fighting the urge to flee.

"Follow me." She said turning abruptly.

I stood and followed her to the elevator. We rode in silence to the top floor and from there she led me to a large office. She left me alone there without another word. I looked around the room at the leather sofas and large mahogany desk and it felt strangely familiar. I began to feel sick as I realized why.

"Michael." My father's voice came from behind me and I spun around to face him.

Our eyes met, but I did not speak. I didn't know what to say. He seemed smaller than I remembered. No longer the towering figure of my childhood.

"I heard you had returned to San Diego." He told me walking to his desk.

I followed him with my eyes, but my feet stayed riveted to the floor.

"Have a seat." He offered gesturing to one of the wingback leather chairs in front of his desk.

I sat down in the chair he had indicated and met his gaze firmly.

"What do you want?" I asked cutting right to the chase.

"I understand you are an artist now." His face twisted at the word artist like it was painful for him to say.

I smirked a little enjoying his obvious distaste for my chosen profession.

"Yes." I confirmed.

"It seems you have made quite a name for yourself." He continued.

"Have I?" I met his hard gaze without flinching.

I was not a child anymore, and he no longer intimidated me. I owed him nothing. He held nothing over me. I could get up and leave at any moment.

"I have recently acquired an advertising firm." He said ignoring my insolence. "We could use someone with your talent."

So that's what this was about. I knew how his cold mind worked. Obviously he had heard of my work, perhaps some of his colleagues were impressed with me and he wanted to use that to his advantage. I would not be used.

"I'm not interested." I said standing to leave.

"Your line of work can be very fickle." He warned, although I knew it was not a warning, it was a threat.

"I'll take my chances." I told him, and I left.

I fumed the entire way home. I couldn't believe his audacity. Did he actually believe I would just allow him to control my life again, that I would willingly fall back into his ranks? It would not happen.

When I got home I tried to push the portentous meeting out of my mind. I took a shower to clear my head and tried to think of the evening I had planned for Katherine. I decided I would take her out tonight, to a nice restaurant, and give her the ring. I was not nervous. She had already said yes, tonight would just make it official.

I called and made reservations for dinner, chose what I would wear, planned what I would say. I was so eager for her to get home. Finally I just sat and watched the clock.

I still had a few hours left until she would close the bakery and come home. I decided I would get some work done while I waited. I pulled out my client list and called the name on top.

"I'm sorry, we've decided to go another way." the business owner told me.

My father worked fast. I called the next name on my list, only to hear a similar excuse. And so the pattern continued until I had called every potential client I had. Some of these people had called months ago, eager for my services and now none of them wanted me. I had been blacklisted. I knew my father was a powerful man, but even I was surprised at how quickly he had successfully interfered with my prospects.

When Katherine came home I tried to suppress the anger I was feeling, but she quickly saw through me.

"What is it?" She asked almost as soon as she'd walked through my door.

"It's nothing." I told her trying to smile. "We have plans tonight. I made dinner reservations for 6 o'clock." She smiled, but still looked concerned. "Go get ready, I'll meet you downstairs." I feigned another smile and she reluctantly left to go get ready.

She looked stunning when she met me in the lobby. The red dress she wore hugged every curve of her magnificent body and took my breath away. I pulled her into my arms and kissed her. Looking into her eyes brought back the happiness I had felt earlier in the day and reminded me of the ring I had in my pocket. I smiled genuinely this time, and she smiled back.

"Where are we going?" She asked excitedly as we walked to her car hand in hand.

"It's a surprise." I told her winking.

"Then I guess you're driving." She laughed tossing me the keys and crossing over to the passenger side.

When we arrived at the restaurant we were seated quickly and I excused myself leaving her at the table while I went to talk with the waitress. I gave her the ring and asked if they could place it in a Champaign glass and bring it to the table. She agreed excitedly and commented on how beautiful the ring was.

"How about some Champaign?" I asked Katherine when I returned to the table.

"Sounds great." She replied eagerly.

I signaled the waitress and she brought over the bottle of Champaign and two glasses. The glass she set in front of Katherine contained the ring. Katherine's face lit up as soon as she saw it.

"Oh Michael!" She exclaimed as she retrieved the ring from the glass "It's beautiful!" Tears ran down her face as I took the ring from her and slid it onto her finger.

"You have made me happier than I ever imagined possible." She told me looking down at the ring on her finger.

"Marry me, and I will be the happiest man alive." I told her, she looked up to meet my eyes and I leaned across the table to kiss her.

The waitress came back to the table and took our order. As we ate Katherine kept glancing down at the ring as if she was afraid it might disappear. I was so happy to be with her tonight, so happy to have her in my life. But in the back of my mind I thought of my father, I hated him for intruding on this otherwise perfect day.

"I put up some fliers at the Art Institute. I hope I can find someone to replace Amy before she leaves." Katherine told me as we ate.

"When is she leaving again?" I asked contemplating a new possibility.

"Just a few weeks, I hope I can find someone in time. I'm not sure how I'm going to do it without her." She told me absently pushing the remaining food around her plate.

"What about me?" I asked.

She stopped playing with her food and looked up at me.

"What do you mean?" She asked confused.

"I could help you at the bakery." I offered casually, wondering how much I should tell her about what happened today.

"What about your painting?" She asked concerned.

I decided it was no use to try to keep anything from her.

"I saw my father today." I told her, she still looked confused and even more concerned. "He asked me to come work for him, and I refused." I explained.

"I don't understand." She said.

"My father is a very powerful man, he has interests and connections to many of the business's around the city. I haven't gone to see him since coming back to San Diego, but he heard I was back. He decided he wanted to capitalize on my success. When I refused he must have called in some favors. Every client on my list has changed his or her mind suddenly. I have no jobs lined up anymore."

I looked down at the table embarrassed. I hadn't wanted to discuss this tonight, but as always I couldn't prevent myself from pouring out my feelings to Katherine.

"You can find other clients." She insisted sounding angry. "You are very talented Michael, you can't give up on your painting."

"I won't." I assured her "I was getting tired of painting murals anyway."

It was true, lately I had begun to feel stagnant in my work.

"Michael, I can hire anyone to help at the bakery. I won't let you give up your dreams just to help me out."

"I'm not." I insisted. "I can still paint at night. That is if you'll continue to be my willing subject."

I smiled at her as she blushed. The last painting I had done of her was a nude, and she made me promise not to show anyone. I had done so reluctantly, because it had been my best work.

"Seriously Katherine, I'm ready to move on. I've been painting landscapes for several years now and I'm getting bored. This was a blessing in disguise. With all the clients I had lined up I could have been stuck doing this for years. He did me a favor really."

As I said this I realized it was true. She looked a little appeased, but still not totally convinced.

"And you're sure you want to work at a bakery?" She asked eyeing me critically.

"I want to work at _your_ bakery." I told her "You are my inspiration after all. Watching you all day will inspire me to paint at night."

"It better" she insisted trying to look stern. "If you stop painting I will fire you!" She threatened and I laughed.

"It's settled then. When do I start?" I asked smiling.

I loved the idea of spending the days with her but she looked torn.

"I guess whenever you want. If you start before Amy leaves she can show you the ropes." She looked deep in thought.

"Are you sure you want to do this?" She asked again.

"Absolutely! What time tomorrow?"

I was excited at this turn of events. All the anger from the day had washed away. For all his effort my father had not succeeded.

"Amy usually comes in just before we open at 5." She said smiling at my enthusiasm.

"What time do you go in?" I asked.

I knew that she left long before sunrise but I had never paid attention to the time before.

"Around 3." She said casually.

"Three AM!" I exclaimed "Now I feel really bad for keeping you up so late every night!"

She laughed.

"It's worth it." She said "I don't mind."

"Well I do. You need your sleep." I looked at my watch and it was just after 8. "It's almost time for bed, we have an early morning tomorrow."

## Chapter 23: The Future

The day after Michael proposed he took me out for dinner. He gave me a beautiful ring and as we ate I stared at the ring thinking about how perfect my life finally was. Then Michael surprised me by offering to work with me at the bakery now that Amy was leaving. I tried to refuse.

As much as I loved the idea of having him with me at the shop I couldn't allow him to put his career aside. He explained that he'd lost all of his clients due to his father's interference. I was shocked. I knew very little about Michael's father, he didn't speak about him often. I was outraged that he had attempted to ruin Michael's prospects as an artist.

Michael didn't seem as disheartened by the events as I would have expected. He insisted that it was time for him to move on anyway. He felt inspired to go back to small canvases again, portraits in particular. He promised that he would not give up on his painting and begged me to allow him to help at the bakery. I couldn't refuse. The thought of having him with me every day was too tempting to put up much of a fight.

When my alarm woke me the next morning, Michael got up with me. I tried to make him go back to bed explaining that he could sleep for a few more hours, but he insisted on coming into work with me. He helped me in the kitchen just as he always did at home and it was nice having him there with me.

Amy was surprised when she arrived a few hours later, but I quickly explained that Michael was going to be taking her place and she seemed happy with that fact. She didn't question our motives and I was glad that I didn't have to explain them to her. As much as I loved having him there, I felt guilty and was still having a hard time justifying it with myself.

Amy's last few weeks flew by quickly and Michael easily learned everything he needed to know to take over when she left. Michael took over ordering all of our supplies and dealing with vendors. He continued to come into work with me every morning and help me in the kitchen until it was time to open. I taught him some basic cooking techniques and divided the daily tasks between us.

With his added help in the kitchen I had more time to concentrate on organization. I decided on which key items I would offer in the bakery on a daily basis and also created a menu for items available upon order. Michael helped me design the look of the new menu that we distributed to our customers and we quickly saw an increase in called-in orders.

With Michael's help in the kitchen I was also able to devote myself more to specialty cake decorating, which was definitely my underlying passion. Michael even helped me think of interesting new cake designs, he had wonderful suggestions. Our days flowed smoothly and I couldn't even remember how I had done this without him.

After work every night we went back to his place. As promised he didn't give up on his painting. I was often the object of his portraits, and I enjoyed how he used me as a living mannequin deciding how to pose me, how to dress me... or undress me.

When his first painting sold, I felt relieved and less guilty about stealing his time at my shop. Our lives had fallen into perfect order.

Spending Sunday nights with Amy, Dan, Charlie, and Claire had become part of our happy routine. We usually used my apartment to host our dinner parties, because my kitchen was set up to accommodate cooking for everyone, but we always went back to Michael's apartment after we ate because he had the larger living room.

"You guys should just build a staircase between your apartments and make it two-stories." Charlie laughed one night as we all trekked up the stairs to Michael's place.

"That's not a bad idea." Michael commented, "Although I'm not sure the landlord would be too happy about it."

Everyone laughed, but suddenly their voices seemed far off. My head started swimming and I felt dizzy. I broke out in a cold sweat as I reached for the banister to keep from falling backwards.

"Katherine, what's wrong?" Michael was instantly at my side supporting me. I leaned against him trying to make the room stop spinning.

"I'm not sure." I whispered collapsing against him.

Amy grabbed my other arm as they helped me up the last few stairs. I didn't even remember walking the rest of the way to Michael's apartment. I felt so strange.

I was aware of a cool cloth being placed across my forehead and realized I was laying on one of Michael's couches. I could hear everyone talking around me, but couldn't concentrate on what they were saying. Suddenly my stomach heaved and I jumped off the couch and ran for the bathroom. Luckily I made it just in time.

Michael was right behind me, holding my hair back for me as I leaned over the toilet expelling everything that was in my stomach. When I finished I felt better, aside from the extreme embarrassment I felt at having him watch me.

"Are you okay?" He asked as I rinsed my mouth out at the sink.

"I think so." I told him taking inventory of how I felt.

Whatever it was seemed to have passed just as quickly as it came.

"Maybe you should lie down." He said still looking very concerned.

I agreed and allowed him to lead me to the bed. Amy was standing in the bedroom looking anxious.

"Katherine?" She asked coming to sit on the edge of the bed "What happened?"

"I don't know." I told her "I felt fine and then all of a sudden I felt horrible, but I feel okay now. Maybe it was something I ate. How do you feel?" I asked her trying to make sense of what had just happened.

"I feel fine. I don't think it was the food. We're going to leave so you can rest." She said and I didn't argue, I was exhausted.

"Okay." I smiled and closed my eyes.

Michael walked her out and said goodbye to everyone and then came back to check on me.

"How are you feeling?" He asked sitting down on the bed.

"Just tired." I told him and quickly drifted off to sleep with him watching over me.

The next morning I felt fine when the alarm woke us up. Michael watched me closely as I dressed for work. I felt perfectly normal. We went to work and the day passed without further incident.

As we cooked dinner that night Michael finally seemed to have accepted that I was fine. He chopped the vegetables and passed them to me to sauté. Then all of a sudden the heat from the stove felt overwhelming and the smell of the food repulsed me. I ran for the bathroom, this time closing the door behind me. I became sick again, violently heaving as I hugged the toilet bowl.

"Katherine!" Michael called anxiously from the other side of the door "Can I come in?"

"No!" I shouted.

I didn't want him to see me like this again, once was bad enough. Finally my stomach stopped turning and I sat back leaning against the wall. I couldn't understand the cause of the illness, I had felt fine all day.

After a few minutes I felt composed again and got up to brush my teeth. When I walked out of the bathroom Michael was waiting for me.

"I'm taking you to a doctor." He insisted.

"I'm fine." I told him, and really I was.

Just like the night before once the initial nausea passed I no longer felt sick.

"No you're not. Don't argue with me."

The look in his eyes told me there was no point in arguing. I grabbed my purse and let him take me to the 24-hour walk-in clinic. Once there he explained the events of the last few nights to the nurse while I sat quietly wishing we hadn't come. I felt fine again and I felt stupid for coming.

When Michael finished telling her the story the nurse looked at me with a weird smile. She asked Michael to excuse us and he looked at me nervously.

"I'll be fine." I assured him and reluctantly he left the room.

As soon as he did the nurse began her round of questions. Most were standard questions that anyone would expect: how old was I, had I been running a fever, any other symptoms. Then she asked a question I didn't expect. She wanted to know if I was sexually active. I thought it was a strange question and wasn't sure how it related to the current situation, but I told her that I was. Then she asked when my last menstrual cycle had been. Immediately I realized what she was getting at. How long had it been? I tried to think back but couldn't pinpoint an exact time frame.

"I'm not sure." I answered honestly and she smiled again.

"Are you on any form of birth control?" Her last question confirmed my suspicions as to where her line of questioning had been going.

"No." I answered quietly.

I realized I hadn't even thought about that. When I was with Michael I didn't think rationally, I hadn't thought to take any precautions. The nurse drew some blood and left me alone in the small room to contemplate the new possibility that was forming in my mind. I didn't have long to dwell on my naivety. The nurse returned after a few minutes smiling and holding my test results.

"Congratulations." She started "You're not dying and your morning sickness should pass after about another month or so."

"Morning sickness?" I repeated.

"It's not really an accurate description. It can hit any time of day really." She explained "You're pregnant sweetheart." She added, just in case I hadn't understood.

I didn't know what to say. I just stared at her for a minute. Her smile faded.

"I take it this was unexpected." She assumed.

I nodded.

"Is he the father?" She asked gesturing toward the waiting room where Michael waited.

I nodded again.

What would he think? What did I think? I didn't know. My mind was racing.

"Would you like me to tell him?" She asked looking a little concerned.

"No." I said finding my voice "Can I go?" I asked.

"Of course." She looked a little flustered now. Obviously my reaction wasn't what she had expected.

She walked me out to the waiting room and Michael jumped up as soon as we entered. He looked from me to her nervously.

"Well, is she okay?" He asked the nurse after neither of us said anything.

"She's fine." The nurse replied professionally. "You will need to follow up with a... specialist." She told me handing me some papers.

I took them silently and walked to the door. Michael beat me to the door and opened it for me. I walked into the cool night air and the breeze felt good against my face. We walked to the car without talking.

"What is going on Katherine?" he asked as soon as we were in the car.

"I'm pregnant." I said staring out the windshield.

He was quiet for a minute and I was afraid to look at him. He hadn't started the car yet. We just sat there in the silent car and finally I turned to face him. He was smiling a little.

"What are we going to do?" I asked shaking.

I felt the tears building up.

"We're going to have a baby." His smile widened and my tears broke free, but I was smiling now too.

"We're going to have a baby." I repeated smiling through my tears. He leaned over and wrapped his arms around me.

"Why are you crying?" He asked still holding me.

"I don't know." I laughed and wiped my tears away.

We drove home silently, both of us deep in thought. We went back to my apartment and again I felt exhausted.

"I'm ready for bed." I told him as soon as we got inside.

"Okay" he said still smiling "I'm going to stay up for a while."

I kissed him goodnight and stumbled to bed. I was asleep as soon as my head hit the pillow.

The next morning I woke up before my alarm went off. I felt rested and ready to take on anything. I lay in bed for a few minutes thinking over the revelations from the night before.

I was happy. I was nervous, and surprised and unprepared, but more than anything I was happy. I climbed out of bed quietly trying not to wake Michael. I noticed an easel in the corner that hadn't been there before. I realized he must have brought it down from his apartment after I'd fallen asleep. A cloth was draped across it so I couldn't see the painting. I walked quietly across the room and started to lift the cloth.

"No peeking." Michael's voice surprised me and I turned around quickly.

He was still lying on the bed propped up on his elbow.

"It's a surprise." He told me smiling.

"I thought you were still sleeping." I said strolling back over to the bed.

"How are you feeling this morning?" He asked as I slipped into bed next to him.

"Good as new." I told him gently stroking his chest and letting my hand linger at his waist.

He leaned over and kissed me tenderly. I pulled him on top of me, but he kept his weight supported on his arms barely touching his body to mine. I kissed him more passionately but he still restrained himself.

"I'm not going to break." I teased him.

"I know, but..." he trailed off looking down towards my stomach.

"It's fine." I told him "From what I understand it takes at least a month before a pregnancy test would be positive, so that means I've been this way for a little while now."

"Yeah, but now that we know..." again he trailed off, he seemed torn between his desire and his concern.

"I was pregnant last week, before we knew..." I paused meaningfully remembering our love making over the last week and knowing he would too. "and I still am." I finished.

This seemed to convince him and he kissed me softly, but still didn't release his weight against me. We made love slowly, tenderly. When the alarm went off, we ignored it.

We were late getting to the shop that morning, but we were able to pull things together quickly and open the doors on time. Michael watched me like a hawk, insisting that I lifted nothing heavy and begging me to sit and rest during every break. This was going to get old.

"Michael millions of women have had babies, I'm not the first." I told him as we ate lunch.

"I wasn't in love with those women." He told me seriously. "I don't want anything happening to you... or the baby."

"I'll be fine, and so will the baby. I'll take it easy I promise, but it's going to be a long 9 months if you're watching every move I make." I told him

"I'm sorry." He apologized and I felt bad for having chastised him.

"I'm going to make an appointment with an obstetrician, you can come with me if it would make you feel better."

He beamed at my offer.

"When are we going?" he asked excitedly

"I'll call now." I said getting up from the table.

I made an appointment for 2 o'clock on Friday and realized I would have to close the shop early that day. I started thinking about how having this baby was going to affect my life.

Surely I would be able to work through most of my pregnancy, but then what? What would I do with the bakery? I decided I had plenty of time to figure it out, so I wouldn't worry about it yet. But now that I'd had the thought, it stayed naggingly at the back of my mind.

## Chapter 24: Unexpected

Katherine and I spent every day together in the bakery and every night together in each other's arms. I couldn't imagine anything that would make me happier than I already was. Then Katherine told me she was pregnant and I discovered new levels of happiness, and also new levels of worry.

Suddenly Katherine seemed so fragile to me. Despite her constant assertions otherwise and even her doctor assuring me of the health of both her and the baby, I still worried night and day.

Nights were easier. She was very tired for the first few months and often fell asleep as soon as we'd finished dinner. When she slept she looked so peaceful, almost angelic. I loved to watch her sleep.

I kept an easel by her bed and painted her while she slept. I worked on it nearly every night, but kept it covered so she couldn't see it. I planned to have it finished by her birthday in May. I wanted it to be perfect. I wanted to capture every detail. Sometimes when I worked I felt consumed with the fear that I wouldn't have enough time to finish it.

Days were harder. She worked so hard at the bakery and I constantly watched her waiting for something bad to happen despite her pleas for me to stop. I couldn't help it. The thought of anything happening to her was too much to bear, and strangely the idea of losing this child I had not even met was almost equally painful. I loved them both.

Thankfully her initial sickness passed quickly and soon her energy returned too. I was happy to see Katherine acting like herself again, and some of my fears subsided. We began staying up late together again, talking into the night. Making plans for our future, for our family. Katherine worried about what she would do with the bakery. I didn't like for her to worry. I assured her that we would work it out somehow, although I truthfully didn't know how.

Our friends were ecstatic over the news. Amy and Claire immediately started planning a baby shower, which quickly became the topic of Sunday afternoon conversations. I decided there was no reason for me to keep my old apartment, since we spent every night at Katherine's place. Charlie and Dan helped me pack up my stuff one Sunday and move it downstairs while the girls discussed their plans for the party.

Katherine finally started showing around her sixth month. It was just a small swell between her hips that was easily hidden by her clothes, but I could see the subtle differences in her body. Her features became softer as her body rounded, but she was still absolutely beautiful. She was so happy it radiated from her. We were thrilled when the day came for the first ultrasound.

"I hope we can see if it's a girl or a boy!" Katherine exclaimed excitedly as we sat in the waiting room of the doctor's office.

"Maybe that will make picking a name easier." I said.

We had not yet been able to settle on a name that sounded just right, for a girl or a boy.

"It'll come to us in time." Katherine said confidently.

Just then a nurse called her name and we got up and followed her back to a small dark room. Katherine lay on a table and the nurse rubbed a clear jelly all over her small round belly. She looked up at me excitedly as the nurse began moving her probe around searching for images of the baby.

We watched the small screen intently staring at the fuzzy black and white image. Then I saw something fluttering. The nurse stopped the probe holding it to Katherine's belly as she pushed a few buttons on the ultrasound machine.

"This is the heart," she told us pointing to the small fluttering image on the screen.

She clicked a few more buttons and we could hear the sound of the heartbeat. It made a strange rhythmic whooshing sound, and it was the most wonderful sound I'd ever heard. I held Katherine's hand as the nurse captured different images of our baby and showed us on the screen. She caught one perfect image of the baby's profile, which she printed off for us. I stared in amazement at the small picture she handed me, it actually looked like a baby.

"Can you see if it's a girl or boy?" Katherine asked impatiently.

"I'm trying, but it's kind of hard. The baby is breach right now and I can't seem to get the right angle." The nurse told us.

"Breach? What does that mean?" I asked concerned.

"It just means that the head is still pointing up. It should be fine, your wife is only 7 months along so the baby still has plenty of time to turn around." She explained, and although her explanation made perfect sense I still felt a twinge of panic.

"What if the baby doesn't turn?" I asked trying to hide the panic in my voice.

"They usually do." The nurse assured me "But if not the baby would have to be delivered by cesarean section. But don't worry, there's still plenty of time."

Don't' worry? I thought. I'd been worried from day one with nothing concrete to back it up and now that I had something actually in my head how could I not worry? I tried to hide my anxiety as I looked back down at Katherine. She was smiling at the image on the screen apparently unaware of my internal turmoil.

"So we can't tell?" She asked disappointed, still consumed with her curiosity about the sex of the baby.

"Sorry honey, maybe next time." The nurse told her putting the probe down and wiping Katherine's stomach with a towel.

"We'll do one more when you get closer to your due date, just to make sure the baby has turned. From the size of the baby I would say your due date is still around mid-April so we'll schedule you for March."

"Okay" Katherine said dejectedly.

Her lower lip pouted out. She was so beautiful when she pouted.

"Is that it?" I asked Katherine once the nurse left.

"Yeah, I don't have to see the doctor today." She told me pulling her shirt back down and getting off the table.

"The girls are going to be so disappointed. The baby shower is in a month and we were hoping to know if we should decorate with pink or blue." Katherine's lower lip pouted out even further as she said this and I couldn't help but smile.

"Whatever will you do?" I teased and she lightly punched my shoulder.

"Did you notice what the nurse called you?" I asked as we walked back to our car.

"What?" she asked confused.

"She called you my wife." I reminded her.

"Oh, well, with the ring and the baby and all I'm sure she just assumed." She said.

"I wish it wasn't just an assumption." I told her.

"I know." She said softly.

"What are we waiting for?" I asked.

We hadn't really discussed setting a date since I first proposed, everything had been happening so fast since then. Once we found out she was pregnant all our conversations were centered on the baby.

"I guess for me to fit into a wedding dress again." She joked.

"You look beautiful." I assured her.

"Yeah, but I'd rather not look pregnant in my wedding pictures." She told me "What's the rush anyway?" she asked.

"I guess there isn't one." I told her wishing I could push away the inexplicable fear that I might lose her at any minute.

"So the nurse said mid-April. I figure that means I could work through the end of March." Katherine said changing the subject. "I think we should hire some extra help now, so I can train someone to master the basic recipes. We won't take any cake orders for April or May. You'll only have to keep the shop open on weekdays to keep our regular business flow."

Leave it to Katherine to be worried about the bakery.

"Sounds like a good plan." I told her.

I couldn't argue with the need to keep the bakery going. I sold a few paintings here and there, but it was the income from the bakery that supported us.

We ended up hiring a girl named Jessica who was just completing her last semester at the Art Institute's culinary program. She came highly recommended by one of Katherine's favorite instructors. She had aspirations to become a pastry chef and was thrilled by the opportunity to work at the bakery.

For the next month Katherine worked with Jessica teaching her all of the basic recipes for the most popular items at the bakery that Katherine hoped to be able to continue offering during her absence. Jessica learned quickly and I was grateful when Katherine began allowing her to take over most of the work at the bakery. Her expanding belly was growing quickly now and I tried to keep her off her feet as much as possible.

Even still she was exhausted by the end of every day. She began sleeping more again which allowed me to go back to work on her portrait. I studied her face as she slept trying to capture every nuance. The more time I spent painting her the more I appreciated her magnificence.

I wasn't sure if I could accurately reproduce her beauty on my canvas: the way the light reflected off her luminescent skin, the way her long dark lashes brushed against her slightly flushed cheeks, the way her chestnut hair contrasted with her fair complexion. I worked frantically through the nights obsessed with making her painting as perfect as she was.

Finally the day came for the baby shower. If Katherine could have had her way she would have postponed the baby shower another week to wait for that last ultrasound. She was so eager to find out if it was a girl or boy. But Claire and Amy convinced her to go forward with the date as planned since all the invitations had already been sent out. It was the end of March and Claire's students were out for spring break so she spent nearly the entire week at our house decorating and preparing for the party.

Our apartment was filled with balloons, streamers, confetti and baby-themed décor. The girls were buzzing around all morning preparing food, adjusting decorations and chattering about the upcoming party. They didn't even hear the doorbell when it rang. I answered the door and stared apprehensively at the well-dressed man on the other side.

"Michael Carter?" The man in the suit asked professionally.

My stomach dropped. This was an all too familiar scene.

"Yes." I replied reluctantly.

He handed me an envelope and turned to walk away without another word. I could hear the girls laughing in the kitchen and quietly closed the door. I knew this was another summons from my father and I didn't want to damper Katherine's day.

I quickly stole away to our bedroom to open the letter. I was surprised to see that a lawyer in San Diego had sent it and he was requesting that I contact him immediately. I folded the letter and put it in my pocket as I walked toward the kitchen.

"I need to run some errands." I told Katherine as I entered the kitchen.

She looked up surprised.

"The party's in an hour." She said her forehead creasing with concern.

"Don't worry it won't take long." I assured her kissing her forehead to smooth the small furrow.

She smiled back up at me and kissed me softly.

"Promise?" she whispered.

"Promise." I replied. "You won't even know I'm gone."

I kissed her one more time and then hurried out of the apartment to call the lawyer from the phone in the lobby downstairs.

I gave my name to the secretary that answered and she quickly connected me with a stern sounding man who requested that I come by his office immediately to discuss an urgent matter. He refused to give me any more information over the phone aside from his address.

It didn't take me long to find his office. Once inside the middle-aged secretary quickly jumped up as if she had been waiting for me to walk through the door and immediately escorted me to the back room.

"Thank you Gertrude." An elderly man said abruptly as we walked into the small office. The secretary quietly turned and left.

"Michael Carter I presume?" The man said politely holding out his withered hand.

"What is this about? I can't stay long." I informed him as I shook his hand.

"Of course." He nodded as he sat down and gestured for me to do the same.

"Your father is William Carter." The man stated and I nodded my confirmation.

"He passed away last night. Heart attack." The man said bluntly.

At first I didn't react. I simply stared at the man's wrinkled face.

"I am the executer of his estate." He continued without emotion.

I continued to stare, still unsure of how I was supposed to react. I wasn't sure how I felt. Numb?

"Your father was a man of great wealth." The lawyer needlessly informed me. "And he left everything to you."

His last words sunk in slowly.

"He what?" I stuttered.

"Your father owned majority stock in several major companies in the San Diego area." He continued as if I hadn't spoken. "The other stock holders have petitioned to buy out his shares for a very reasonable price. Unless you wish to take over his investments." He paused for my response.

"No." I heard myself say.

I was reeling from everything I was being told, I could barely form a coherent thought.

"Very well." The lawyer replied shuffling some papers. "The income from the sale of the companies in addition to his various real estate holdings and savings will come to a total of..." the lawyer continued shuffling through his stack of papers as he calculated the total.

"18.6 million." He finished and looked back up at me.

I stared in disbelief. I couldn't respond. I didn't know how.

"Mr. Carter?" The lawyer was appraising my expression with a slight smile on his face. "I know this all comes as quite a shock, but I assure you your father took care of all the legalities before he passed. All I need you to do is sign a few forms and I'll take care of the rest. An account has been set up in your name at this bank." He said sliding some papers toward me. "The funds will be available within the month." He finished.

I stared at the papers in front of me. 18.6 million dollars. I had never really considered how much money my father had. I had never imagined I would ever have the need. The lawyer cleared his throat and I looked back up at him. I realized he was handing me a pen. I took it and signed my name where he indicated.

"Very good." He smiled as he stood and shook my hand again.

"Thank you." I managed to say.

Slowly I left his office and walked to my car. I was in a daze of confusion. So many mixed emotions my brain could not process them all at once. I didn't even remember the drive to the beach but suddenly I was there. Automatically I walked out to my cliff.

The ocean was turbulent. A storm was rolling in. I watched a piece of driftwood being tossed around by the waves. The ocean seemed to be at war with itself. Grey waves crashed against the shore violently smashing the driftwood against the sand and then pulling it back out to sea. The wind whipped against my face and I realized tears were on my cheeks.

Was I sad? I still felt numb. Why was I crying? I had hated my father since childhood. He had not been a part of my life for many years now; I felt no sense of loss. I almost felt relieved to know that he could no longer wield his control over my life. But shouldn't I feel some grief. He was my father after all. Weren't there any good memories I could recall? I searched my mind for any memory of my father that was not tainted with loathing. There were none.

I watched the ocean confused by my feelings, or lack of I should say. I tried to decide how I felt. Grateful? My father had never done a kind thing for me in my entire life. But now he had. He had left me everything. This realization started to sink in as I thought about the sum the lawyer had calculated. 18.6 million. A smile began to break through my frozen expression. I couldn't even contemplate how much money that actually was. Was it wrong to feel happy right now?

I sorted through my mixed emotions as I drove back home, and decided that for this one last gesture I could be grateful that I finally had a good memory of my father. I walked into the apartment smiling, excited to tell Katherine the news. The apartment was empty and the phone was ringing. I wondered where everyone was as I picked up the phone.

"MICHAEL! IT'S KATHERINE! SHE'S GONE INTO LABOR!" it was Claire's panicked voice on the other end of the line.

"Where are you?" I asked urgently.

"We're at the hospital, you need to hurry." Claire sounded completely unnerved which wasn't like her at all.

"I'm on my way." I told her "Tell Katherine I'm on my way!"

Immediately I was running full speed toward my car. All other concerns and thoughts left behind. I had only one focus now. Katherine was in trouble.

I ran several stop signs and almost rammed a passing car, swerving so hard to the left that I almost flipped my truck.

I made it to the hospital in minutes and left my truck in the loading zone as I ran through the automatic doors. I didn't stop running until I reached the maternity ward. Immediately I saw Claire, Charlie, Amy and Dan all huddled near some double doors.

"Where is she?" I demanded as soon as I'd reached their sides.

"They won't let us in!" Amy cried, tears streaking down her face as she spoke.

Dan put his arm around her comfortingly and she turned her face into his chest as she cried. I looked frantically at the others.

"She collapsed at the house." Charlie explained somberly. "We rushed her to the hospital and as soon as we got here they took her away. The nurses won't tell us anything."

I turned away from them and ran to the nurse's station.

"Katherine James?" I said to the desk nurse. "Where is she? Is she ok? Is the baby ok?" The questions poured out so quickly I wasn't sure if she'd understood.

"Are you her husband?" She asked indifferently

"Yes." I snapped.

Semantics were unimportant at the moment.

"I'll see what I can find out." She replied dryly and walked toward the doors where our friends waited.

A few unbearable minutes passed while I waited. I paced frantically all of my fears coming into sharp focus. Finally a different nurse emerged and came over to me.

"Mr. James?" the nurse asked kindly.

"Yes?" I didn't feel the need to correct her on my name.

The only thing that mattered right now was Katherine.

"Your wife has gone into premature labor. Her water has broken, so the baby must be delivered. The baby is still breach so they have taken her into the O.R. for an emergency c-section." She informed me in a kind but professional manner.

"Is she okay?" I asked helplessly.

My legs felt weak and my head was spinning. This couldn't be happening.

"They are delivering the baby now. I will let you know how they are doing as soon as I can." She smiled briefly and then turned and retreated back through the double doors.

My legs finally gave out and I collapsed to the floor.

Someone must have helped me to a chair. I was in a fog. People were talking to me but the words couldn't break through. I couldn't breathe. This was it, I thought. My Katherine. I was losing my Katherine. I saw her face in my mind. Her perfect face. Would I ever see it again? The question crippled me with fear.

Everything was in slow motion. It could have been hours or minutes I couldn't tell, but finally the nurse reemerged and walked over to me. The fog lifted and I stared at her intently, expectantly but I still couldn't speak.

"You have a daughter." She smiled, relief washed over me for the briefest second. Only to be replaced with fear. What about Katherine?

"She is in the neo-natal intensive care unit for observation but she seems to be stable. You can see her soon." The nurse continued.

Why hadn't she said anything about Katherine?

"And my wife?" I asked feebly, afraid of what her answer would be.

"She's hemorrhaging." The nurse said gravely "She lost a lot of blood. The doctors are doing all they can. I will let you know as soon as I know something."

I only nodded in response.

The relief that our baby was okay was overshadowed by the fear that Katherine was not. The thought of losing Katherine was agonizing. The thought of our daughter never knowing her mother was excruciating. I sobbed uncontrollably and ignored the attempts my friends were making to comfort me. Nothing could appease the anxiety I was feeling.

An hour passed. It felt like an eternity. My eyes never left the double doors. The doors that held the answers to my Fate. Finally the nurse came back out.

"I can take you to a room to see the baby now." She told me

"My wife?" I pleaded.

"She's still in surgery." The nurse replied. "Would you like to see the baby?" she asked.

"Yes."

I found the strength to stand and followed the nurse down the hall to a small hospital room. She led me to a rocking chair in the corner and told me she would bring the baby. I stared at the empty hospital bed. The bed Katherine should be lying in right now.

I thought of all the nights we had envisioned this day together. I was supposed to be in the delivery room when our child was born. Katherine was supposed to be lying in that bed recovering now. I imagined how she would be smiling at me, holding our child. This was supposed to be a happy day. Nothing was as it should be.

The nurse returned pushing an incubator into the room. I stood and looked down at the small helpless infant wrapped in blankets inside the plastic case. She was so tiny.

"She's doing very well." The nurse assured me. "Her temperature is stable and her vital signs are good. You can hold her if you'd like."

"Yes." I nodded.

Single words were all I could manage.

"Have a seat and I'll hand her to you." The nurse gestured back to the rocking chair and I sat.

She reached down and lifted the small bundle from the incubator and carried her to me. Nervously I reached out and took my child.

I looked down at her small face and was overcome with emotion. She looked just like Katherine. Her pale skin was almost translucent. Dark matted curls stuck to her forehead from underneath her small cap. I examined her delicate features. Her lower lip was slightly fuller than her upper lip and pouted out just the way Katherine's did. Her eyes were closed and her lavender eyelids seemed paper-thin but were fringed with dark lashes. She was so tiny, so fragile, and absolutely beautiful.

I rocked slowly as I held my daughter. I thought of Katherine. I had always believed that Fate had brought us together. That we were meant to spend our lives together. How could I live without her? She had given meaning to my life. Without her I had no purpose... until now. I was a father now. I looked at my daughter, our daughter, and wondered if this had this been my destiny all along. If she had been the purpose.

"Does she have a name?" The nurse asked quietly watching me.

"Destiny." I replied automatically. "Destiny Katherine."

The name came to me as soon as the question was asked, like I had known it all along. I smiled slightly as I remembered how confident Katherine had been that we would think of the right name when the time came.

"That's beautiful." The nurse replied approvingly. "Would you like to feed her?"

"Yes." I choked on the word.

Katherine should be feeding her. She should be helping me name her. She should be here. This wasn't right. I couldn't do this without her. I was crying again as the nurse handed me a bottle.

"I'll give you some time." She said quietly. "I'll be back to take her to the nursery in about 30 minutes." She added then left.

I watched as the tiny bundle in my arms began to stir. Her lavender eyelids fluttered open and deep blue eyes stared back at me. So there was a hint of me in her after all. I held the bottle to her mouth and she latched on quickly. As she sucked on the bottle a tiny hand broke free from the blankets and she reached up and grasped at my hand that held the bottle. I rocked her slowly as I fed her and began humming a lullaby that I remembered from my childhood. A song my mother had sung to me.

My heart ached for Katherine. How could she be taken away from me this way? How could I raise our daughter without her? How could I live without her?

I looked down at my daughter and knew that somehow I could. I had to.

## Epilogue

I stood on the cliffs staring down at the water below. The ocean was calm today. Small waves lapped against the shore serenely. It was a beautiful sunny day. The sun glistened off the turquoise waves sparkling like tiny diamonds. A light breeze carried the scent of flowers through the air. I closed my eyes and turned my face up to feel the heat of the sun washing through me as I listened to the soft sound of the waves below. I felt at peace.

"Michael." Claire's voice broke through my trance and I turned to face her.

Destiny wriggled in her arms reaching for me. I took my daughter and held her to me, brushing aside her dark curls to kiss her forehead. She looked up at me with her big blue eyes and I smiled down at her. I couldn't help smiling when I looked at her. She looked so much like Katherine.

"It's time." Amy said walking up to us.

I kissed Destiny one more time and then handed her back to Claire. I turned from the girls and walked over to stand with Charlie and Dan. Charlie smiled reassuringly and patted me on the back.

"You ready?" he asked.

I nodded.

I looked back over at Claire and Amy. Destiny was playing with a loose strand of Claire's hair as she held her. I watched my daughter for a moment, still amazed with her existence. Amazed with how perfect and beautiful she was. Amazed with how much I loved this tiny little person.

The priest walked over to join us. I looked around once more at my friends. Amy already had tears welling up in her eyes. Claire stared lovingly down at Destiny. Destiny truly was lucky to have so many people in her life that loved her so profoundly. Charlie and Dan stood at my side smiling at me encouragingly. I knew I too was lucky to have such wonderful friends in my life. They were my family.

The music started and all my attention was instantly focused expectantly on the path ahead. Slowly Katherine walked into view.

She was absolutely stunning in her wedding dress. The delicate white silk clung to her slender body accentuating every curve. Our eyes met and suddenly nothing else existed but her and I and this perfect moment.

She walked toward me, her eyes locked on mine and I was overwhelmed with the joy I felt. Everything I'd ever wanted, ever dreamed of was mine. Fate had brought her to me and she would be from this day forward unconditionally mine. Although in my heart I knew she always had been just as I had always belonged to her.

She took my hand as she stood next to me and we smiled at each other for an endless minute lost in our deep love for one another. Then we turned to face the priest.

******

### Don't miss the next chapter in the Love's Trilogy:

Love's Destiny

After the happily ever after, the story continues...

Destiny had always loved the story of how her parents met. How Fate had drawn them together time and again, until they finally found each other and fell madly in love. That was the way love was supposed to be. Someday she knew it would happen for her, someday a handsome mysterious stranger would come into her life and sweep her off her feet. She knew that the first time she saw him she would know he was the one.

Tyler had known Destiny his entire life. She had been his very best friend, but it had been years since he'd seen her. He wasn't nervous about seeing her again, until he did. She wasn't the skinny girl he remembered from childhood, and suddenly he found himself anxiously wondering if she would ever be able to see him as anything other than the boy she'd grown up with.

Is it possible to look at someone you've known your whole life, and see them for the very first time? Sometimes love doesn't happen the way you thought it would.

### Find all of Tracey Smith's books at:

<http://authortsmith.wix.com/romance>

