Yesterday, we did a story
on Ariana Grande,
and today, we have to do
a follow-up story.
ANNOUNCER:
F-F-F-Follow-up!
SMOOVE: Love follow-ups.
Love follow-ups.
Uh, no, we didn't need that.
Um, Ariana Grande
is suing Forever 21
for stealing her look.
Well, now a drag queen
named Farrah Moan
is accusing Ariana Grande
of stealing her look.
How can a drag queen accuse
anyone of stealing a look?
Isn't that all they do?
David,
I look like so many dudes.
You know how many people
could be suing me?
I look like... You could sue me
for stealing your look.
Scarlett Johansson.
I looked like her
before her nudes leaked.
Um, uh,
the middle Hanson brother.
-SPADE: Oh, yeah?
-Uh... David Koresh.
Mitch Hedberg.
I'm like Bitch Hedberg,
you know?
So many.
There's a lot.
I just think this is ridiculous.
-You know, Ariana Grande's hot.
-SPADE: Yeah.
But she's no drag queen.
-You know what I mean?
-SMOOVE: Right.
-Right.
-Yeah.
-JB, anything?
-Come on, man.
She-She's 12 years old.
They-- Know what,
people have been stealing
from cartoon characters forever,
man.
You know, they-- Everybody stole
their shit from Betty Boop.
-Betty Boop was the original.
-LEDERMAN: Yeah. -Betty Boop.
Betty Boop was, like,
the original one.
She had the haircut.
Halle Berry stole that haircut
from her.
From the (bleep) '50s.
The (bleep) '50s.
-But we forgot about it.
-You c-- you can see
the duct tape on her dick
though.
-Down there? Oh, Ariana's?
-Arian-- No, Ariana.
-So rude.
-Oh, boy. Oh, boy.
Ru-ude.
All right,
let's move it along here.
This one's a--
Here's a real feel-good story.
It's NSFW.
(mouths): Not safe for work.
Uh, seven eighth graders
got busted
for serving their teachers
crepes full of their...
-pee-pee and jizz. Whatever.
-(groaning)
Um, I know. I was sickened.
Um, they were, uh, e-entering
their dish in a cooking class,
and they added special sauce.
I know this seems gross,
but it's in everything
Guy Fieri makes,
if you look closely
at the recipe.
But no one reads.
No one reads the recipes.
This story is insane to me
for several reasons.
First of all,
if you are around
eighth graders,
you don't ever touch
their hands,
-much less eat a crepe
they gave you. -Yeah.
-SMOOVE: Never do that.
-And, secondly,
the balls on these kids.
If you just graduated
senior year,
they hand you a diploma,
you're like,
"Here's a crepe
with all the fixin's," I get it.
-"All the fixin's."
-But if it's eighth grade,
-you got four more years to deal
with these people. -Yeah.
-SMOOVE: What?
-That's a baller move.
They emptied those balls right
onto that crepe, didn't they?
These young people are amateurs,
you know?
If you're gonna put jizz
and-and all that kind of shit
inside of a-a....
you could clearly see
all the jizz leaking out.
-You can see it.
-Yeah.
If you're gonna be a--
Don't be an amateur.
Put it inside a doughnut.
Put it--
-Just fill a doughnut up,
you know what I mean? -Yeah.
-No one's gonna ever know it.
-Yeah, don't glaze it on top.
-No, don't put it on top.
You put it inside. -I know.
-The cream filling!
The cream filling. -Stop!
No one's gonna know
the difference!
Just bite it. They're gonna eat
it. They won't see it!
Anybody knows how jizz looks.
-I see jizz! There's jizz
all over that! -I get it.
-You got a good jizz detector.
-I see jizz everywhere.
-That's a red flag, man.
-(applause)
-I get...
-Which, which--
-side note--
-Uh-oh.
I would change my name,
if I was you.
Anthony Jizz-nik.
-SPADE: Jizznik.
-Well, we know what--
-Perfect name! -We know what
the "J" stands for in your name.
-SPADE: What?
-Jizz B. Smoove?
-Yeah.
-Yes!
