My name is Ciora Thomas.
I'm a transwoman and my preferred pronoun
is she.
It was around 8 years old...um...it was a
time I guess where I'm starting to feel my
femininity arise, and it was a time that was...[sigh]
a time that I was afraid.
So yeah I found my bit of oasis in my
mom's closet.
Being able to put on the clothing and exhale...just
to [takes a breath]
I will never forget this day.
So I got suspended from school for - I was
being called a faggot and being called names
in school, so I did what I had to do to defend
myself.
Long story short I was home.
At this point I'm starting to test my boundaries.
I'm starting to feel how I feel outside like
this.
And the only place I would go was the
porch.
And this day happened to be one of the hottest
days in Pittsburgh and I just had these little
shorts on and this little shirt.
So, I'm on the porch, and I'm just listening
to music, just totally drowned out, just like
feeling myself, I feel so good and I feel
like alive right now.
And my stepdad he came up the steps and
he just stopped.
he didn't say anything, He just looked at
me.
He just looked at me for like a second that
seemed like an hour.
When he came in i'm running through the house,
ripping everything off, like oh my, freaking out.
So I'm sitting on the porch, I sat on the
porch for 4 or 5 hours waiting for my mom
to pull up from work.
I wanted to be the first one to tell her.
And at this time I didn't know what trans
was.
I didn't know the term.
I didn't know the definition.
I didn't know anything.
But I knew gay, and I knew gay in a negative light.
And I'm like "Mom, I think i'm gay."
She's like "I knew."
[laughs] She's like, "I knew." And she said
it so nonchalantly, I- that scared me too.
I never remember in my young life my mom drinking.
My mom came home drunk.
I could smell it on her.
And then she went in her room, and her and
my stepfather began to argue about me.
And I remember being called a faggot by my
own mom.
And how destroying that was for me.
I started like experimenting with running
away.
I was in downtown Pittsburgh, Liberty was
a transgender stroll, right in front of the bars.
I remember me first getting downtown, and
being like, whoa, like, there are women down
here like me.
I started down that road of sex work.
And I could not turn around, I could not break
from it.
It was real and I was kid.
I didn't really have a child-, like a,
you know, like a normal happy childhood, you
know, where everyone gets to like go to school,
finish high school, go to college, have your
parties, go to prom.
I didn't get to do any of that.
My childhood consisted of surviving.
And I went back down to Wood Street
Station and I went downstairs in the subway
and I went to sleep.
And then I woke up to the police.
I woke up to the police, he was poking me with
his stick, and it hurt.
And they took me in that back room, back there.
And it was like all, it was like some Law
& Order stuff.
And the one cop grabs my hair, and like slams
it on the table.
And he said "You can't sleep down here."
And I said, "I don't have anywhere to
go."
And they started asking about my mom, where's
my parents.
So I told them and gave them my mom's information
and they called my mom.
And my mom came and got me.
She was pissed off because she had to call
off work.
[off camera] alright, take a moment.
I am born and raised in Pittsburgh.
Grew up on these very streets.
Although, a homeless transgender woman.
And through my turmoil came a success to
be able to give back to my Trans community.
And that's what I do every single day.
I have had the honor to be a part of our LGBTQIA
Advisory Council in the Mayor's office.
[cheering and applause] thank you.
And what I want to say now that we are reassembled
and that we are a team again and we have our council back,
our city will continue to be a city
that is safe for LGBTQIA+ people.
[music]
did not question my fidelity
just hear me out
yeah
yeah
in respect I come a-calling cause I love what I see...
My name is Jude Benedict Ess.
I am a transmasculine identified individual,
and I use the pronouns they/them.
I also accept masculine pronouns, so he/him/his.
Whenever you're in first grade, it was
around that age that I- I realized that I
looked different from the other kids, the
other girls.
I mean pretty much the way that I kind of
operated myself you know as a first grader,
I just kinda like, I did what I wanted, I just
wore what I wanted to wear.
And then you know as I got a little
bit older, and I wasn't you know like a 4-year old anymore
It wasn't always so acceptable.
I started getting some negative reactions
to that, and I realized - Ok, alright
I'm seeing these negative reactions.
OK, I'm different, I'm doing something wrong,
this is embarrassing, this is embarrassing to my parents.
I'm embarrassing my mom, and something's wrong
with me.
The way that my identity that I was
repressing was kind of sitting with me was,
it was masked as just really, really heavy
amounts of self-hatred.
You know, I- my weight, this, that, and, I
mean, it was painful.
I would literally make myself stand certain
ways, constantly.
I would make myself stand certain ways, like
you know, pop my hip, because I didn't,
I don't look feminine enough. Every time I looked
in the mirror, I felt wrong, but it wasn't
as if I was, like oh, I would rather be wearing
this clothes.
I would rather have this identity.
It was just still that: I'm not right.
I'm not good enough. I'm not-
I'm wrong, and I'm an embarrassment,
and I'm not right. Why am I not right?
Remember, I'm just me becoming me, I'm
just being me.
That's all of this, all of the, I get it,
that it's like, oh, it's different, it's different.
There is no, you do this then you do that,
then you do this.
Trans people do that, that, that and then
they're this.
'Oh, you became this.
There's an end goal.'
No, no, I get it.
That's cool, that's cool.
I appreciate it when people are just, you know,
they're just trying to understand.
But I challenge, I challenge individuals to
think of it, just going back to that- literally,
it's a journey. It's just a part of
life, that- it's an extra step that's very,
extra few steps, that really kind of seasons
you as a person.
But really, I'm not that different.
I'm really not that different from any- I'm
not different from any human.
You know?
It just so happens that my story involves
this.
From my transition, I felt, I felt-
I started to feel more inner peace.
After testosterone had, you know, started
to change my features, and my fat,
like I said, my face has changed, I am, you know,
I'm now aging.
Now, I'm just aging.
Going through- and I would just like to say:
starting testosterone, you go through menopause
and then puberty.
Think about that one for a second: menopause,
then puberty.
I had, it was kind of a breaking point
that I had.
I mentioned before, you know, I was just I
was just struggling so much with so much depression
and just a lot, just a lot.
And after a- I survived a suicide attempt.
And the next day, you know, I woke up and I was like 'Welp, OK I'm still here.'
'Fuck it.'
I went and I bought the guitar.
And after that I- this, this instrument, like,
we, we just have a...it's a...we have a very, like,
deep connection to this instrument.
I'm able to focus my thoughts and
my feelings through both the words, but also
the sounds and the delivery of what I'm saying,
how I'm doing the stuff, how I'm playing,
what parts I'm putting emphasis on.
And that music to me that is kinda
like my creative outlet.
Because each of us, I believe that each of
us has some form of a creative outlet,
and that's...a lot of times if people, if you
can tap into that, that's one of the most
beautiful things about being human, is our
ability to create.
