- He hasn't had a bath in like 10 months.
- Really? He smells so good.
- He just always smells good.
- How do you smell so good?
- What up world!
It's me, Brizee, and I'm here with
- Tessa
and Remus.
- And Remus
- Today we are going to be
doing Harry Potter Madlibs.
- Whooo!
- Taking a few passages
from the Harry Potter books
and making them utterly ridiculous.
- Ridiculus!
(Both Laugh)
Okay.
- We each picked our own.
We don't know which ones
the other person picked.
- I'm ready.
- First thing I need from you
is a holiday.
- Okay, Saint Patrick's Day.
- Now I need a noun.
- Dog.
- Adjective.
- Slippery.
- Noun.
- Mmm (laughs) House.
- Animal.
- Pegasus.
- Oh!
Noun.
- Tree.
I'm like a fourth grader
getting you words.
(Both laugh)
- [Both] Tree!
- Dog!
- House!
(Both laugh)
- Okay, another holiday.
- Halloween.
- Okay.
- We just had Halloween.
- Okay, a game.
- Sims.
- Plural Noun.
- Penguins.
- Verb ending in I-N-G.
- Skipping.
- Adjective.
- Big.
- Adjective.
- Really big!
(Both laugh)
- Adjective.
(Laughs)
- Really, really big!
(Both laugh)
- Verb ending in S.
- Sniffs.
- Adjective.
- Fart-like.
(Both laugh)
- Adjective. Sorry,
it's a lot of adjectives.
- That's okay, it's okay.
Wet.
- Verb.
- Fart.
(Both laugh)
- Get another verb.
- Walk.
- Item of clothing.
- Harry's blue shirt. (Laughs)
- Plural noun.
- Books.
- Verb.
- Sweat.
- Adjective.
- Smelly.
- A family.
- Obama.
(Both Laugh)
- Great, past tense verb.
- Fetched.
- Verb ending in S.
- Sleeps.
- Noun.
- Lamppost.
- Not a lamp.
- [Both] Lamppost.
- Yeah, lamppost.
- Noun.
- Chocolate.
- Adjective.
- Fruity.
- Mmmm, verb.
- Stutters.
- Stutter, plural noun!
- Sutter!
Broomsticks.
- Noun.
- Boys. (Laughs)
- Plural Noun.
- Lightsabers.
(Both laugh)
- Okay.
Dear Padfoot, thank you, thank you
for Harry's St. Patrick's Day present.
- (laughs)
- It was his favorite by far.
One year old and already
zooming along on a toy dog.
- (laughs)
- He looks so slippery with himself.
I'm enclosing a picture so you can see.
You know it only rises about
two feet off the house,
but he nearly killed the Pegasus and
he smashed a horrible tree
Petunia sent me for Halloween.
No complaints there.
Of course, James thought it was so funny.
Says he's going to be a great Sims player.
- (laughs)
- But we've had to pack
away all the penguins and
make sure we don't take our eyes off him
when he gets skipping.
We had a very big, really big tea (laughs)
- (both laugh)
- We had a very big, really big tea.
Just us and old Bathilda,
who has always been
really, really big to us,
- (laughs)
- and who sniffs on Harry (laughs).
- We were so sorry you couldn't come,
but the orders gotta come first,
and Harry's not fart-like enough
to know it's Saint Patrick's Day anyways.
James is getting a bit wet, shut up here.
(both laugh)
He tries not to fart it, but I could walk.
- I could walk. (both laugh)
- Also, Dumbledore still got
his invisibility Harry's blue shirt,
so no chance of little books.
If you could sweat, it
would cheer him up so much.
- (laughs) Ew. (laughs)
- Wormy was here last weekend.
I thought he seemed smelly,
but that was probably the
news about the Obama's.
- (laughs)
- I fetched all evening when I heard.
- (laughs)
- Bathilda sleeps most days,
she's a fascinating old lamppost,
with the most amazing
chocolate about Dumbledore.
- Oh.
- I'm not sure he'd be
fruity if he knew. (laughs)
- Oh my God!
Oh my God!
- I don't know how much
to stutter actually,
because it seems
incredible that Dumbledore
could ever have been broomsticks
with Gellert Grindelwald.
- Oh!
- I think her boys going personally.
Lots of lightsabers, Lily.
- Oh my God! Broomsticks with
Grindelwald. (both laugh)
Oh my God. You know what that means!
- Your turn!
- Oh, God!
Past tense verb.
- Uh, cut.
- Class at Hogwarts.
- Defense against the Dark Arts.
- A verb.
- Slice.
- (both laugh)
- Cut and slice? What the
heck is going on in there?
Past tense verb.
- Squished.
- Plural place.
- Bathrooms.
- Uh, verb.
- Fall.
- Something, like, warmer,
something that's like that.
- Oh yeah, yeah,
- Yeah.
- like comparative adjective. Skinnier.
- Adjective.
- Thick.
- (both laugh)
- Ew.
Uh, another adjective.
- Bloody.
- What?! Brizzy!
This is turning into this
ridiculous thing, okay.
Noun. Freaking, blood, cut, squish.
- Scooter.
- Okay.
_ A verb but it says -ly.
- Like an adverb?
- Adverb, yeah.
- Perfectly.
- Okay, yes. A noun.
- Lovesac.
- (laughs)
- Like the bean bag chair.
- Past tense verb.
- Kissed.
- Ahh. Body part.
- Pinky toe.
- Body part.
- Weenus.
- Oh, I don't like this, okay.
Noun.
- Pickle.
- Adjective.
- Charming.
- Uh, another adjective.
- Wicked.
- Noun.
- Hippogriff.
- Ooh. Adverb.
- Coyly.
- Noun.
- Man.
- (Both laugh)
- Noun.
- Boy.
- Uh, (both laugh) okay.
Adjective.
- Purple.
- Noun.
- Blood.
- Verb.
- Crawl.
- Adjective.
- Gay.
- Another adjective.
- Straight. (laughs)
- Another adjective.
- Bubbly.
- Another adjective.
- Loud.
- Adjective.
- Healthy.
- Verb, I-N-G.
- Dancing.
- Another I-N-G verb.
- Flying.
- Verb.
- Stab.
- (laughs) Another verb.
- Poke.
- A noun.
- Tweet.
- Okay, that works.
All right. Here we go!
Ready?
- Ready Santa.
- At the start of Term Banquet,
Harry had got the idea that
Professor Snape cut him.
- (both laugh)
- By the end of the first
Defense Against the Dark Arts
lesson, tea, he knew he'd been wrong.
Snape didn't slice Harry, he squished him.
- (both laugh)
- Defense Against the Dark
Arts lessons took place
down in one of the bathrooms,
maybe the Chamber of Secrets?
It was skinnier here than
up in the main castle,
and wouldn't be quite thick enough
without the bloody animals
floating in glass scooters
all around the walls.
Snape, like Flitwick,
started the class by taking the register,
and like Flitwick, he
paused at Harry's name.
"Ah, yes" he said perfectly.
"Harry Potter,
our new Lovesac."
- (both laugh)
- Draco Malfoy and his
friends Crabbe and Goyle
kissed behind their pinky toes.
- What? What?
- Snape finish (laughs)
Snape finished calling the names,
and looked up at the
class, oh God. (laughs)
His weenus was black like Hagrid's.
- This is a weenus.
- I know but ugh.
But they had none of Hagrid's pickle.
- What?
- But they had none of Hagrid's pickle.
- They were charming and wicked,
and made you think of dark hippogryphs.
- Wow!
- "You are here to learn
the coyly science and
exact art of potion making" he began.
He spoke in barely more than a whisper,
but they caught every man,
like professor McGonagall.
- Caught every man!
- Snape had the boy of
keeping a class silent without effort.
"As there is little
purple wand waving here,
many of you will hardly
believe this is blood.
I don't expect you will
really understand the beauty
of the gay straight culture" (both laugh)
"with its bubbly fumes,
the loud power of liquids that
creep through healthy veins,
dancing the mind, flying the senses."
- What?
"I can teach you how to
stab fame, poke glory,
even stop a death,
if you aren't as big of a bunch of tweets
as I usually have to teach."
- (laughs) Okay, should
we try one more each?
- Yeah, one more, let's do one more.
- Oh, this is fun! It's like
predictive text but different.
- Yes, it is.
- Okay, adjective.
- Stupid.
- Stupid! Plural noun.
- Shoes.
- Adjective.
- Fluffy.
- Adjective.
- Gorgeous.
- Gorgeous!
- Gorgeous.
- Noun.
- Floor.
- Noun.
- Chainsaw.
- Ooh! Plural noun.
- Thestrals.
- Wow, adjective.
- Creepy.
- Noun.
- Boy.
- (laughs) Another noun.
- Feather.
- Adjective.
- Sparkly.
- Noun.
- Wizard.
- Verb ending in I-N-G.
- Flapping.
- Plural noun.
- Apples.
- Verb ending in I-N-G.
- Biting.
- Ooh, oh noun.
- Foot.
- Adjective, ending in
E-R like a comparison.
- Smaller.
- Noun.
- Goblet.
- Family member, like a relation.
- Daddy.
- Daddy, measure of time.
- Second.
- Noun.
- Banket.
- Noun.
- Faucet.
- Oh! Type of people.
- Uh, VSCO girls.
- (laughs) Past verb.
- Sksksked. (both laugh)
- Adjective.
- Stinky.
- Stinky! Past verb, I think.
- Danced.
- Adjective.
- Hot.
- Last one, noun.
- E-boy.
- E-boy. All right,
are you ready?
- I'm ready!
- For the first page of
your favorite book series
in the world?
- Aah!
- Mr. and Mrs. Dursley of
number four Privot drive
were proud to say that
they were perfectly stupid,
thank you very much.
- True!
- They were the last
shoes you would expect
to be involved in anything
fluffy or gorgeous.
- True.
- Because they just didn't
hold with such floor.
Mr. Dursley was the director
of a chainsaw called "Grunnings".
- Wow, close!
- Which made thestrals.
- Oh.
- He was a big, creepy
man, with hardly any boy.
Although, he did have
a very large feather.
- Hmm.
- Mrs. Dursley was thin and sparkly,
and had nearly twice the
usual amount of wizard,
which came in very useful as
she spent much of her time
flapping over apples,
biting on the neighbors.
- Oh! (both laugh) Yikes.
- The Dursleys had a small foot
called Dudley (Tessa laughs)
and in their opinion,
there was no smaller boy anywhere.
The Dursleys had everything they wanted,
but they also had a goblet,
and their greatest fear was
that somebody would discover it.
They didn't think they could bear if
anyone found out about the Potters.
Mrs. Potter was Mrs. Dursley's
daddy, (Tessa laughs)
but they hadn't met for several seconds.
In fact, Mrs. Dursley pretended
she didn't have a blanket,
because her daddy and her
good for nothing faucet,
were as un-Dursley-ish
as it was possible to be.
The Dursleys shuddered to
think what the VSCO girls
would say (Tessa laughs)
if the Potters sksksked in the street.
- (Tessa screams)
Oh my God, best sentence okay.
- The Dursleys knew that the
Potters had a stinky son too,
but they had never even danced him.
This boy was another good reason
for keeping the Potters hot.
They didn't want Dudley mixing
with an E-boy like that.
- (both laugh) Oh my God!
Oh my God, mixing with
an E-boy, that's amazing.
Oh, what would the VSCO girls think?
- If the potters were
sksksking in the street?
- What would they think if they saw Dudley
hanging out with an E-boy? (Brizzy laughs)
- Name of a person?
- Cedric.
- Body part.
- Throat.
- Color.
- Chartreuse.
- Animal.
- Baby goat.
- Verb.
- Curse.
- Noun.
- Let's go with death.
- Another color.
- Tickle-me-pink.
- Ooh, noun.
- Banshee.
- Utensil.
- Butcher knife.
- Verb.
- Fool.
- Adverb.
- Flirtatiously.
- Verb.
- And I oop.
- Adjective.
- Eco-friendly.
- Name.
- Albus Severus.
- Ooh, verb.
- Dumb.
- Another verb.
- Decapitate.
- Verb I-N-G.
- Frolicking.
- A noun.
- Jesus.
- Uh, okay. Verb, in the past tense.
- Prayed.
- Verb.
- Smack.
- Verb.
- Crunch.
- Noun.
- Superhero.
- Adverb.
- Sickly.
- Verb, past tense.
- Memed.
- Verb I-N-G.
- Sweating.
- Place.
- Honeydukes.
- Another place.
- The Hollywood Bowl.
- (laughs) Okay, all done!
- Oh boy.
- Ready?
- Yeah.
- Okay, Harry went to
bed before anyone else
in his dormitory that night.
This was partly because he
didn't think he could stand Fred
and Cedric singing
(singing) "His throat is
as chartreuse as a fresh
pickled baby goat"
- Wow.
one more time.
And partly because he wanted
to curse Riddle's diary again,
and knew that Ron thought
he was wasting his time.
Harry sat on his death, and
flipped through the blank pages,
not one of which had a trace
of tickle-me-pink ink on it.
Tickle-me-pink ink! (both laugh)
Then, he pulled a new banshee
out of his bedside cabinet,
- Whoa.
- Dipped his butcher
knife into it, ew God!
And dropped a fool onto the
first page of the diary.
The ink shone flirtatiously
on the paper for a second,
and then, as though it was
being and I ooped onto the page,
vanished. (both laugh)
Eco-friendly, Harry loaded
up his quill a second time,
and wrote "My name is Albus Severus".
- Whoa.
- Foreshadowing. The words
dumped momentarily on the page,
and they too decapitated without a trace.
- Whoa!
- Then, at last, something happened.
Frolicking back onto the
page, in his very own ink,
came the words Harry had never written.
"Hello, Albus Severus.
My name is Tom Riddle.
How did you come by my
Jesus?" (both laugh)
These words too prayed away,
but not before Harry had
started to smack back.
"Someone tried to crunch
it down a superhero."
- What? (laughs)
- He waited sickly for Riddle's reply.
"Luckily that I memed my memories
in some more lasting way than ink.
But I always knew that
there would be those
who would not want this Jesus read."
"What do you mean?" Harry scrawled,
sweating the page in his excitement.
"I mean, that this Jesus holds
memories of terrible things.
Things that were covered up,
things that happened at Honeydukes."
"That's where I am now!"
Harry wrote quickly.
"I'm at Honeydukes, and
horrible stuff's been happening.
Do you know anything
about the Hollywood Bowl?"
- (laughs) Can someone Photoshop that
"Do you know anything about
the Chamber of Secrets?"
to like the Hollywood Bowl?
- Do you know anything
about the Hollywood Bowl?
- Tom's like "Yeah I got
tickets boy, you wanna go?"
- (laughs) How'd you find
my Jesus? (Brizzy laughs)
- Fun.
- Well this
was a blasty blast.
If you want more Harry
Potter quotes and passages
turned into nonsense,
thanks to predictive text on our phones,
go over to Tessa's channel,
and watch our predictive
texts Harry Potter quotes,
and impressions over there, go watch that.
Also, our podcast is back!
- Yes!
- "Fantastic Geeks And
Where to Find Them".
Lots of Harry Potter happening over there.
Also, 'tis the season for
"Frozen" and "Star Wars",
so lots of that too.
Go check it out! All the
links are in the description,
and if you dig this hat that I'm wearing,
of Ravenclaw's diadem.
Here ya go.
- Yeah. Wooh!
- Go get your very own horcrux
by also clicking link in the description,
'cause there's my new merch for sale!
- It's so cute!
- And inside it says
"Wit Beyond Measure is
Mans Greatest Treasure".
- [Tessa] There it is, you can see it.
- Check 'em out, and
we'll see ya next time!
- [Both] Bye!
