As an 80s kid,
we had a lot of hobbies,
My favorite hobby was going to the browsing center
Going to a browsing center is like going on a pilgrimage
It's almost like going to a temple.
Why do people go to a temple?
To attain nirvanah.
Same here
When you enter the temple,
You leave your footwear outside
buy a token and your offerings and then enter the temple.
A few of you seem puzzled about what I am saying.
Let me take a minute to talk about the browsing center I went to.
I still remember the name - “Balaji Browsing Center”
The shop board had a big picture of Lord Balaji
Beneath the mouse, they have written “Internet, Surfing, Browsing”
All three mean the same.
Even though it is a sunny day,
when you enter balaji browsing center
a chill and cold breeze welcomes you (since the A/C is always ON)
and a warm Chinese massage music plays in the background.
It was like a Gateway to heaven.
Like in Telugu NTR movies, one guy named “Kumar Anna” came to me and asked
“30mins or 1 hour?”
“30 mins is more than enough”
I said that and went to sit in my cubicle.
I am a desi whose papa & mama wanted become a software engineer
So I always focused on “Desibaba” and “Desimama”
Sorry Baba (addressing dad sitting in the audience)
When my friends focussed on clearing their papers
I was focussed on clearing my history
When my friends went to the tuition center
I went to the internet center and sat in the center
Because there were always curtains on both sides
I was like Detective Sherlock Holmes
With a Hat and a cooling glass
I was always in Incognito mode
Google found incognito recently, I found it long back
In incognito mode, I was watching some videos
Suddenly I heard some murmurs and moaning
I wondered why? Because my video was on MUTE.
I slightly opened the curtains and saw
some pair programming going on in the neighbouring cubicle
“Hey, what are you both doing?”
Just then, Kumar Anna said “Your time is up!”
Mine has been up for a long time,
Just watching these two from my neighboring cubicle.
Looking at the endless possibilities of reality
And thinking about how I could only watch videos, I felt sad!
Seeing my sad face, my mom went to my dad and said,
“Our son seems to tire out by merely going to Balaji Browsing Center”
“Let’s gift him a computer AS A SURPRISE”
My mom pretends as though the most obvious thing is a surprise.
“You are enjoying playing carrom board”
“You have a surprise next birthday”
“You are interested in playing the keyboard. You have a surprise next birthday!”
As though I cannot find the surprise.
But, this time, my mom really surprised me by getting me a computer!
Whenever the clock stuck 10, she used to tell my dad -
“Stop watching the TV, let our son go to the computer room to study.”
At 10 pm? Thank you Mom.
Even though I went to the computer room,
I was mostly in the Yahoo chat room.
By the time you connect with your DSL and ask for the ASL, your time will be over
How many of you remember the VSNL/BSNL DSL connection?
Looks like you guys went to a different branch of Balaji Browsing Center.
I thought I was the only one?
Anyway, remember the sound the DSL connection gives, tring tring tring…
It keeps making that sound forever.
As though trying to connect from Kashmir to Kanyakumari
The next day my dad asked, “Are you alright?”
I kept hearing the ambulance siren sound from your computer room
Also during Navaratri days
I still don’t understand why Indians keep kumkum or sindoor for electronic gadgets
It makes sense to keep it for a big knife or a household tool, but for a computer? Really?
my mom was putting kumkum for all electronic items, So she put a sindoor on my monitor as well.
That night, when I switched it on  I saw Pamela Anderson with Sindoor
When I woke up the next morning the sindoor was smudged.
The computer used to be a very expensive item in the early 90s.
My dad was someone who used to put 4 covers for a TV Remote Control.
He sold his house to buy me a computer, would he leave it alone?
One cover for CPU, One cover for the keyboard, Two covers for the mouse.
How do I browse now?
The problem with Indians is that we don’t put a cover when it is really required.
But end up covering everything else.
We also used to have a Blue Screen for monitors!
I never understood its purpose,
Is it for our eyes or to prevent the monitors from dust?
And because of this blue filter,
I could never watch a normal film,
Since even a normal film became a blue film.
So, like photographers back in the day, I had to lift it to watch all the important scenes.
