[APPLAUSE]
CHADE-MENG TAN: My friends,
thanks for being here.
I recognize a few
faces-- some old friends,
some from last week
when I was here.
I want to start with success.
There turns out to be a
surprising relationship
between happiness and success.
When I was growing
up in Singapore,
right here in Singapore--
I mean, I'm Asian--
and I was growing up, it was
drilled into my thick skull
that the relationship
between happiness and success
is this, which is when someday,
when I become successful,
I'll be happy.
Therefore, for now, just suffer.
Work hard, study hard,
suffer, suffer, suffer.
Some day, when
you're successful,
then you'll be happy.
Yay.
Things didn't quite
work that way.
I think have a lot
of friends who--
I'm sure you all do as
well-- I have friends who are
very successful but miserable.
And then I read the literature,
because all this has
been researched for a
while, and the studies
show that success leads
to happiness in only one
situation, one and
only one situation,
which is escape from poverty.
So if you're poor, and then
you go from poor to not poor,
so go from poor to middle
class, where you don't even
worry about food or clothing
or shelter and so on,
you go from poor to
not poor, there's
a huge difference
in happiness levels.
If you go from poor, sorry, if
you go from not poor to rich,
so go from middle class
to rich, some difference.
Not that much difference.
If you go from rich to very
rich, even less difference.
Why?
It turns out there's a
very simple explanation-- b
because you only
have one body each.
There's a limit to how
much you can consume.
It's like a $2 hamburger
versus $100 caviar.
Is there difference?
Yes, some difference.
Not that much difference.
$100 caviar, $1,000 caviar--
not that much difference, right?
So there's kind of
an asymptotic peak.
So a lot of my friends,
when they grew up,
they made sacrifices,
they become successful,
and then they find that
they're sort of peaking
and they keep earning more
money, but they're not happier,
and in fact they're miserable.
It turns out that
the reverse is true,
which is that it turns out that
happiness leads to success.
And that's fascinating.
And there's even a word for it.
The word is the
happiness advantage,
which is that, for example,
our [INAUDIBLE] that happiness
brings about is
conducive to success.
For example, it turns
out that if you're happy,
you are 37% more
effective in sales.
And retroactively, it make
sense, when you think about it.
If there are two guys,
same price, same product,
so everything equal, one guy
you see him, he's always happy,
the other guy seems always
grumpy, who do you buy from?
You buy from the first
guy 37% more of the time.
So it's been quantified.
I mean, the fact that it's been
quantified was fascinating.
The other quality
is, for example,
optimism, which relates
to job happiness.
This was an early study
from Martin Seligman, who
was a famous pioneer
in positive psychology,
and this was the study
that made him famous.
So the study was that
there was a lot turnover
in insurance agents in MetLife.
So in order to become
an insurance agent,
you had to take a test, and
then you could pass a test,
and you get a job.
So there are people
who just failed a test,
and Marty convinced
MetLife to hire
those people, who, among
those people, who score high
in optimism.
And those will turn out to
outperform those who passed
the test by a factor of 50%.
That's fascinating.
Happiness also causes you to
be more productive, according
to studies, by about
30% because they
seem to be more accurate
on their work by about 19%.
It also correlates with good
health because of popularity,
which is not surprising.
Again, same thing,
your friend was
always grumpy, your
friend was always happy,
who do you want
to hang out with?
That happy guy.
And of course, popularity
also feeds back to success.
If everybody loves you, long
term, they want to help you.
They want to work with you.
So you must accept.
So this is the relationship--
success doesn't necessarily
bring people happiness,
but in general, happiness
does bring about success.
So it makes sense to
learn to be happy.
And because of-- everything
I just said, by the way,
will be totally useless if it
turns out that happiness is
something that we cannot
do anything about.
You're born miserable
or you're born happy,
and you're born
miserable, then I'm sorry,
that sucks to be you.
If that's the case,
everything I just
said is not just
a waste of time,
it's also very discouraging.
So if I'm unhappy, I won't
be successful, right?
It turns out one of the
most important things
I ever learned in my
life is that happiness
is highly trainable.
And the way happiness
is trainable--
I move this over there so I
can move-- the way happiness is
trainable is through joy.
So first, what's the difference?
For happiness, I'm
using the definition
by Matthew Ricard, who is
known as the happiest man
in the world.
And he wrote a whole
book about happiness.
And in his book, he defined
happiness like this-- happiness
is defined as a deep
flourishing, a deep sense
of flourishing that comes from
an exceptionally healthy mind,
not a mode, not a
fleeting feeling,
not an emotion, but an
optimal state of being.
So there is happiness.
In contrast, joy is
moment to moment.
Joy is an emotion,
joy is fleeting.
So it's a moment to
moment, there's an emotion.
So the relationship
between the two-- happiness
is something you
take-- it's kind
of like integrate-- something
you integrate over time.
But for example, you
say, have a happy day.
Doesn't mean every
moment is nice.
There are some moments
which are not so nice.
For example, you kind
of miss your first train
and you have to wait three
minutes for the next train,
it's kinda annoying.
And you were just having lunch,
minding your own business,
and your friend forced you to
come here and listen to me,
things like that.
But then at the end
of the day you think,
today is a happy day as a whole.
So it's taken as a whole.
In contrast, joy
is moment a moment.
This moment is joyful,
this moment not.
And the relationship is
that, therefore, happiness
doesn't mean that
every moment is joyful.
A happy life doesn't mean that
every moment in life be joyful.
However, there is no such
thing as joyless happiness.
Therefore, joy is the
building block of happiness.
Therefore, if you
train to access joy,
then you can build happiness.
And it turns out access to
joy is highly trainable.
And that was, to me, that
was the mind blowing part.
You can train to
access joy on demand.
But with sufficient
training, you
can find it anytime, at
this, at any moment, joy.
The question is, how?
It turns out there are
very easy steps to do it.
And there are three
steps to do this.
The first step is
easing into joy.
When it comes to easing,
the idea is to rest the mind
Come on in, there's
seats over there.
We were a little
worried that we wouldn't
know enough people coming, so
we didn't have too many chairs.
Now we need more chairs.
And I can say that
because I'm the chairman.
[LAUGHTER]
Where was I?
OK, easing.
So easing is about
resting the mind.
And then when the mind is
at rest, joy may arise.
And with enough training,
it becomes reliable.
When the mind is at
rest, joy will arise.
And when the joy arises, you use
the joy to reinforce the ease,
because a joyful mind is a
mind at ease, easy to settle.
And then, using the ease,
again, to reinforce the joy.
And it becomes a very
powerful, virtuous cycle.
Shall we do a short experiment?
This will only
take five seconds,
so if you don't like it,
in five seconds, it's over.
For five seconds,
I want to do this--
I want to bring forward
tension to one breath.
So here's the instruction--
total but gentle attention
to one breath, one in
breath, one out breath.
And you're done.
Sounds good?
OK, beginning now.
Thank you.
How many of you,
after that one breath,
find that you're a little
bit calmer, a little bit more
relaxed than before the breath.
Let's see a show of hands.
Good, almost everybody.
Question-- why is
it so powerful?
It's only one breath, how
does one breath already
have an impact?
There are two reasons,
one's physiological,
one's psychological.
The physiological reason is
that when you bring attention
to one breath, do you
notice that you are
breathing slower and deeper?
And when you did that, you're
stimulating your vagus nerve.
When you stimulate
the vagus nerve,
you're activating something
called the relaxation response.
And when you do that,
the relaxation response
is the direct opposite
of the stress response.
So therefore, in
the first breath,
already your blood
pressure is going down,
your heart rate is going down,
and your muscles are loosening,
less tense.
So already, in one breath,
you can feel the difference.
That is the
physiological effect.
There's another effect
which is even more powerful,
and that's a
psychological effect.
Psychologically,
to be regretful,
you need to be in the past.
To worry, you need
to be in the future.
When you bring total
attention to one breath,
for the duration of one
breath, you are in the present,
totally in the present.
And because you are
totally in the present,
you are not in the past
and not in the future,
and therefore, you are
free from worry and regret.
Freedom from worry
and regret, even
for the duration of
one breath, that alone
makes a difference, right?
I think a lot of you are-- let
me see, probably 100% of you
are high achievers.
And some percentage of you are
people with big responsibility.
So my guess is that
roughly 100% of you
are carrying worry and
regret all day every day.
And in this one breath, you
get to release that load, even
for just one breath.
Then you bring it
back up, of course,
but that one breath allows you
to recover, allows you to rest.
So if you can do
this, we can sustain
this for more than one
breath, three breaths,
make it 15 seconds of rest.
And then you can do it for
more than that, one minute,
two minutes, and then your
body and mind get to rest.
And that is how you get ease.
And then, in the
ease, you find joy,
because the mind is free
from worry and regret,
and there is a joyful
quality to this.
So one question that comes often
is how powerful can this be?
I'm going to take a moment.
[BREATHES]
OK.
I'm a little bit better.
Got back to work.
Nothing changed.
How powerful is this?
It turns out to be a lot more
powerful than even I expected.
A long time ago, I read this
research on tennis players.
So these are the
best tennis players
in the world, those who
win the grand slams.
The question is, what
distinguishes them?
And the quality that
distinguishes them
was very surprising.
It is the ability to rest
body and mine between points.
So between points
there's 10 to 15 seconds.
And then they're able to use
the technique you just learned,
but they master it
so they can rest body
so that by the end
of 10 to 15 seconds,
they are more
rested than before.
And because of that, they
can sustain high performance
over and over again, which is
how they win the grand slams.
It was fascinating.
So I read that.
I was fascinated, but I couldn't
really write in the book
because I haven't actually met
a world class tennis player,
so I couldn't verify it.
And then one fine
day, I met this guy,
and his name is Novak.
And Novak is, I don't know,
the best player in the history
of a game or something.
So I met him, we went
to initial courtesies,
and then immediately, the first
question I asked him was this--
I told him what I just told
you, and said, is it true?
And Novak said yes, it's true.
And he says, at my level, tennis
is no longer a physical game.
Tennis is a mental game.
And the secret to
winning is the ability
to stay calm and
clear all the time.
So this skill is a
very simple skill,
but the implication, at
least for success, is broad,
is very broad and
very deep, right?
It can make you the best
tennis player in the world.
Not just that.
It's also even for
office workers.
It's obvious how well
it can do for you.
And I think it does for you.
This faculty is a
faculty of leadership.
One important part of
leadership is the ability
to think under fire,
especially in the military--
in the military, and
in the police force,
literally under fire.
But in this case, figurative
under fire, in a crisis,
if all your colleagues, all
your coworkers are panicking
and you alone can think clearly,
then you are the leader.
Everyone looks at you, and they
say, oh, that guy, [INAUDIBLE]
[LAUGHTER]
Right?
I mean, some of us
are born with this,
but it turns out it's
a trainable skill,
and the training comes from
this-- it comes from an ability
to calm the mind on demand.
In addition, I think the
biggest impact of this
is a consequence of--
it has to do with joy.
When the mind-- when
you're able to bring
the mind to a state
that's calm and clear
and you do it on demand, you may
find-- or in my case, reliably,
I find that I'm joyful, happy.
And there was a time where even
once I got access reliably,
so that means that every time
I sit in meditation, in two
or three seconds,
I can get the joy.
I didn't know why.
It made no sense to me.
Why would a calm and clear
mind always be joyful?
So I asked around.
One of my teachers gave
me a brilliant answer.
And he said, it's very simple.
Joy is the default
state of mind.
Therefore, when the
mind is calm and clear,
it returns to default. And
that's joy, simple as that.
No magic, no mystery.
I It's holy.
That was a life
changing insight.
And specifically--
so later on, I
read up on the theory behind it.
Specifically, there
is a quality of mind
and a technical term in the
Pali language-- it's sukha,
S U K H A. Sukha is a quality
of mind as defined as quiet joy,
oh, sorry,
non-energetic joy, joy
that doesn't require energy.
It has two characteristics--
because it doesn't require
energy, I compare it
to the hum of the air
conditioning in the room.
The hum is always there, but
normally you don't notice.
The only way to
notice the hum is
to quiet down and pay attention.
And once you hear that, you
find it's always there, and has
always been there, and always
will be there-- very annoying
Sukha is the same.
It's a quality of mind as
always there, always been there.
Are so the first thing
about non-energetic joy,
non-energetic means
it's very subtle.
Because it's very subtle,
the only way to access it
is quiet down and pay attention.
Second characteristic--
because it's non-energetic,
it is extremely sustainable.
Once you learn to access it,
you find that it's always there.
It's always there for you.
And then you have a
reliable source of joy
to-- what do you call it--
it's called bringing water
from a well.
Anyway, to get the benefit
from, any time of day, any day.
And that is life changing,
because we go through life
thinking we need to
pursue happiness,
and you see even in the
American Constitution
the pursuit of happiness.
And then when we
go through this,
we realize that happiness is not
something you need to pursue.
Happiness is already
there, it's something
we just have to allow.
And once you can
access it, we are free,
we have freedom, we are
free from being bonded
by what we have to
do to become happy,
because we're already happy.
So now we can do what
is the right thing.
So that changed my life.
And that is only step one.
But wait, there's more.
If you buy it now you
get two more steps
for $19.99 plus
shipping and handling.
[LAUGHTER]
It's another [INAUDIBLE]
by the way, which is
it raises baseline happiness.
So for me, my own
experience is--
let me check my time-- my own
experience is when I was young,
I was miserable.
I think it was genetics.
Genetically, I was born with a
low baseline, a low happiness
baseline.
And I'm one of those people
who, when they were injured,
looked at my chart before
I was born, say, sorry,
sucks to be you, sorry.
Goodbye, bro.
So the way I experienced it
is that if nothing happens,
I was miserable.
And then something good
had to happen for me
to not be miserable, but that
only last a short while, couple
days or whatever,
couple hours, and then
back to being miserable,
I'm always miserable.
And a couple years later,
I discovered the reverse.
I discover I'm always happy.
My baseline happiness shifted.
Nothing happens, I'm jolly.
In fact, I became a
jolly good fellow.
It's fascinating.
And what changed?
What change was this,
was finding sukha,
getting reliable access to
it, and then, eventually,
my happiness baseline just
kept moving up and up.
And before I knew it,
it crept up all the way
from one side of the
spectrum to the other side.
But anyway, that's
only step one.
Step two is inclining
the mind to what?
Joy.
So what does that mean?
The word inclining here
refers to mental inclination,
changing mental inclination.
So in the old texts, in
the ancient scriptures,
mental inclination is compared
to the slope of a mountain.
When a mountain is sloped in a
certain way, when water flows,
it flows effortlessly
in that direction.
Same thing with the mind.
If the mind is inclined
towards a certain way,
mental experiences
flow effortlessly
towards a direction.
For example, if you are
inclined towards anger,
every other thing makes
you angry effortlessly.
But if your mind is
inclined towards joy,
every other thing
makes you joyful.
The question is, is it possible
to change in condition of mind?
Turns out it's yes.
And the other question is how?
If yes, how?
Turns out, again, one
of the surprises for me
was that the methodology is
actually very, very simple.
One of the most effective
ways, and simplest
and most powerful ways is to
notice thin slices of joy.
That is all.
So what does that mean?
In life, in day to day
life, moment to moment life,
you notice that thin slices of
joy everywhere, all the time.
For example, when I'm
thirsty, I drink water.
That was nice.
I just experienced
a thin slice of joy.
It's thin in two dimensions.
The first is thin spatially,
so it wasn't like, yay,
it was like, eh.
[LAUGHTER]
Second, it lasted only two
seconds, maybe three seconds,
didn't last that long.
And because they're so thin,
we miss them all the time.
We miss them all the time.
And therefore, we
look at our days,
say, this day I was miserable,
no joy at all, because we
didn't see all these things.
What if you see that?
So let's say we play a
game, right, we play a game.
Let's say we count the
number of blue cars,
and those who count the highest
number of blue cars in one week
wins a prize.
I give you a prize.
So, OK, what's the prize?
At first, I was
going to give you
a bell, by then I think to
myself, no bell, please.
So you get a no
bell, please prize.
[LAUGHTER]
It was very funny when I said it
in front of a Nobel Peace Prize
winner.
She thought it was very funny.
Anyway, we play the game.
What would happen after that?
If you played the game, you
find that you-- first, you
start noticing blue
cars, one car, two cars,
and you find it everywhere,
every time you're in traffic,
you see blue cars everywhere,
never noticed them before.
Same thing here.
When you start noticing
thin slices of joy,
you start to find every way.
Every drink of water,
there's a thin slice of joy.
Every meal, at least
the very first bite, oh,
delicious, thin slice of joy.
You meet an old friend,
there's a thin slice of joy,
and new friend,
thing slice of joy.
Even simple things like
walking, walking without pain.
Seeing the beautiful sight.
You notice I was standing
there when you came in,
looking at a sight.
I mean, I've been
here many times,
but still, these lights are joy.
Can I assign
homework, by the way?
This is the homework.
Homework-- I want you to
notice thin slices of joy
in daily life.
When you're eating, the very
first bite, the very first bite
is the most delicious.
So at the very first
bite, bring full attention
to the joy of taste.
Sounds good?
Every time you see a friend,
bring one moment of attention
to the joy of seeing a friend.
When you have a shower,
the first contact of water,
one moment of joy.
When drinking water,
one moment of joy.
Can you do that?
Let's see what happens.
If you do it for a few
days, I guarantee you
it will change your life.
You'll be happier.
So the first effect of that
is that if you find more joy,
your joy doubles--
nothing changes,
your life remains
exactly the same,
your joy doubles already
just by noticing.
However, there is
another effect which
is even more powerful
if you do this,
which is the familiarization.
When the mind starts
to see joy a lot,
the mind becomes
familiar with joy.
And the word familiar is
related closely related
to the word family.
So the joy becomes a member
of our family, somebody
who is always there
for you, somebody
you can always count on.
And then, because of that, joy
becomes an inclination of mine.
And once inclined, every
other experience is joyful.
Fascination-- it
doesn't take extra time,
doesn't [INAUDIBLE] how
to do and that's step two.
Step three is
uplifting the mind,
uplifting the mind
specifically with goodness.
Let's see, shall we
try another experiment?
OK, this one is twice as
long as the previous one.
This one is 10 seconds.
For 10 seconds-- and
I like to do this,
I like to secretly identify
two people in this room,
and in secret, think, I wish
for that person to be happy.
And I wish for that
person to be happy.
Just think, don't do
anything, don't say anything,
don't go, like, ooh.
[LAUGHTER]
No, HR is safe.
Just think-- this is an
entirely thinking exercise.
Sounds good?
OK, 10 seconds beginning now.
And thank you for
your attention.
Anybody notice that when you're
doing this, you're smiling?
You notice that while
you were doing this,
you were happy, were joyful.
If that's true,
you may have just
discovered one of the most
important secrets of happiness,
to be on the giving end of a
kind thought is intrinsically
rewarding.
Therefore, all you had to
do is bring up a thought.
I wish for that guy to be happy.
That alone makes you
a little happier.
If you do that a lot, it
makes you much happier.
How powerful is this?
How far can I scale this?
I was once giving a talk
on a Monday evening,
and then I assigned--
so we did this exercise,
and I assign homework, by the
way, again, second homework.
OK, I'll tell you what I did,
and then, this is the homework.
The homework is this-- during
the workday, every hour,
spend 10 seconds on the hour,
spend 10 seconds wishing
for two people outside
your cubicle or office,
wish them to be
happy in your head.
So not embarrassing,
right, because they
don't know what you're thinking,
as long as you don't do it
like, eh.
Then that would be embarrassing.
They'll think you're weird.
Unless you're in Google,
then you're not so weird.
Nah, just kidding.
But just thinking, and
then, nobody knows anything,
and then go back to work.
See what happens.
Shall we try that?
At least tomorrow?
OK.
So I assigned this
homework on a Monday
for an audience about twice
this size, I assigned homework.
And that was a Monday evening.
Wednesday morning, I received
an email from a total stranger.
And this person
said, I hate my job.
I hate coming to work
every single day.
But I did the
homework on Tuesday,
and Tuesday was my happiest
day in seven years--
happiest day in seven years.
What do you think?
It took 80 seconds of thinking.
It's fascinating.
One of the important
things about this thinking
is that this is easier than
the other exercises, I think.
Why?
Because the other exercises--
like resting the mind,
you kind of need a little
bit of practice to rest.
There people who cannot rest,
like they have to practice,
but inclining the mind, again,
kind of takes a little bit
of practice, like, do
it over one or two days,
and you start to get a groove.
But this exercise,
loving kindness,
to be on the giving
end of a kind thought,
all it takes is the
arising of a thought.
And every single adult
I ever knew in my life--
every adult knows how
to bring up a thought.
And bringing up a thought
is the simplest thing
any adult can do.
Everybody think of an elephant.
Everybody can do that,
easily, effortlessly.
So therefore, if all it takes
to have an injection of joy
is to bring up a thought, you
can't get easier than that.
So by the way, this
is so powerful,
I would say that if you
don't remember a single thing
in this lecture,
or rather, you only
remember one thing
from this lecture,
remember how good looking I am.
[LAUGHTER]
If you remember two things in
this lecture, remembered this.
No, I'm just kidding.
Remember only one
thing in this lecture,
remember this exercise--
wishing for others
to be happy in your head.
This alone guarantees
an increase
in happiness and no cost.
So if you do this, this is it.
The three steps.
If you do this over time,
practicing over time,
three things happen.
The first thing that happens
is that joyful experiences
in your life gets
even more joyful,
and by now, it's obvious
why, because you've
been paying attention to it.
Previously, eating food
is eh, kind of nice,
but now it's, ooh,
this is delicious.
Right?
Even for one moment,
like, you double your joy
at no cost whatsoever,
no extra cost whatsoever.
So that's the first
effect, joyful experiences
become even more joyful.
The second effect is
that new true experiences
become joyful experiences, more
and more so, increasingly so.
Why?
Because you stop taking
them for granted.
So it's like suddenly,
simple things
like having access to water,
at first it's kind of neutral,
water, whatever.
But now it's like, oh my
God, this is so valuable.
So many people in the world
have no access to water.
I have it.
And then it goes
to something else.
You start to find joy
in the absence of pain.
To be free from
pain is so joyful.
When I have a toothache,
I tell myself,
if I didn't have this
toothache, I'd be so happy.
And then I went to see a
dentist, this thing went away,
and then, three days later,
I forget to be happy.
What if I never
forget I'm happy?
This moment right here and
right now, I'm not in pain.
This moment, I can walk.
Not just I can walk, I
can walk without pain.
Freedom from pain is such a
valuable, beautiful experience.
Suddenly, you stop
taking it for granted.
And that's how
what was originally
we thought to be
neutral become joyful.
And I think one of the
key words is gratefulness.
We start becoming
grateful for everything.
And I've heard there's
a Mayan practice I just
learned last week.
The old Mayan practice
is to wake up every day
and say thank you 400 times.
So a Mayan practitioner,
the moment she wakes up,
she breathes in the air,
and she says, thank you air.
She sees the ground,
thank you ground.
I mean, generally thanking
everything 400 times a day.
That's a key to happiness.
And this skews
[INAUDIBLE] naturally,
effortlessly bring you there.
So that's the second effect.
The third effect
is, I think, even
more powerful than
the first two, which
is that painful experiences
become manageable.
Why so?
The first reason is
that all the skills
you learn to increase
joy turn out to also--
you can apply directly
to dealing with pain.
For example, in a
difficult situation,
emotionally difficult,
you can learn
to calm the mind on demand.
If you can calm the mind,
already half the problem
gets solved on the spot.
That's one.
So everything you learn
is directly applicable.
More than that, which is a
very powerful effect, which
I kind of discovered
by accident,
and what I did-- I thought
I was going crazy--
I discovered that I
was able to access joy
in the midst of great pain.
So I was going through
a long episode of pain,
emotional pain, and I found
that at least once a day,
a couple times a day, I felt
joyful, adulterated joy,
like, yay kind of
joy from nothing.
I was just walking
around, just eating
my food, meeting
friends, saying hi
to friends, things like that.
Suddenly, I just
became very joyful.
And I was like, wait a minute,
one moment I was so miserable,
I'm going to die, and
then suddenly, I have joy
lasting for about five minutes.
And then, I was so
miserable, I'm going to die.
I thought I was going
crazy, more than before,
I mean, more than usual.
What happened?
I learned something.
I learned that joy and pain
are not mutually soluble.
They can displace each other.
So if one is much
bigger than the other,
there's a lot of joy, but a
little bit of pain, the joy
displaces the pain,
and vice-versa.
But they are
equally strong, they
do not dissolve each other.
They exist side by side.
And the person I learned
most of this from
is this woman called
Rigoberta Menchu.
Rigoberta is Mayan, so
the mayan thank yous
I learned from her as well.
Rigoberta is a
Mayan woman, she's
the first Mayan ever to
win the Nobel Peace Prize.
And by the way, has anybody
here met a Nobel Peace Prize
winner before?
I met a few.
There's a stereotype.
The stereotype is-- I mean, the
guy won a Nobel Peace Prize,
he must be nice, right?
So you see this
person, you expect
him or her to be warm and
say, hey, how are you doing?
To be nice to you and
so on and so forth.
Rigoberta fits the
stereotype to a T.
You meet her, even
at a distance,
even with the language
barrier-- she speaks Spanish.
You have to go through
interpreter half the time,
even with that, you see
her immediately, you
can feel her goodness.
And then you ask for-- and
then she sees you, says hey.
And then you ask for a
hug-- of course, of course.
And she's always happy,
she's always nice.
I spent an hour with her.
And within one hour, I
realized that there's
something below the surface,
that she has a lot of pain,
a huge amount of pain.
Her pain comes from her
life, her life trauma.
Her father was burned
alive by the government.
Her mom was kidnapped,
tortured, raped, murdered,
and her body was left on
the side of the street
to feed the wild animals.
She lost her brother
in a similar way.
She lost her son.
And it's like any one of these
events in a life is traumatic.
It will change a
person's life, right?
If I have any one of these
things, I'd be bitter,
be angry, I'd be revengeful.
Or I would withdraw.
I wouldn't do anything
in this world.
And you look at Rigoberta-- she
didn't do any of those things.
She's still joy, genuinely
joyful, even despite her pain.
She's still serving the world.
She came to Singapore
last week on invitation
to speak to young people,
to inspire young people.
She came all the way
here for 40 hours
and flew back just to
speak to young people.
And she's still working.
And then going back to
fight for human rights.
This amazing woman-- the
question I had for her,
how do you do this?
And I realized what happened.
So the way she did
it was, I mean,
my own explanation of
it, not her exact words,
my own explanation
is she's using joy
as a container for her pain.
And an analogy I use is
like having a fracture.
You have a very bad fracture,
a broken leg, what do you do?
You put a cast around it.
And the cast around
it, what does it do?
It does two things.
First, it limits further
damage, and secondly, it
allows time to heal,
allows healing to happen.
And she's doing the same thing.
She's using her joy, her genuine
joy as a container for pain,
so pain doesn't
cause more damage,
and she can heal
in the meantime.
And it's fascinating.
And my own experience
dealing with joy and pain
is, I feel that my joy
is like-- I always said,
I feel as if I was
traversing a vast desert,
and every moment of
joy is like an oasis.
And without an oasis, I was not
able to navigate the desert.
But with an oasis, I went for
months end to the other end.
And I recovered.
So this ability to access joy
in addition to a happy life,
it gives you resilience in
the worst circumstances.
So this is not a
practice just for you.
I wrote this book,
"Joy on Demand."
I wrote this book.
One of my main goals is
to create the conditions
for world peace in my lifetime.
I mean that is my goal in
life, create the conditions
for world peace in my lifetime.
And this book is one of the
data points towards this.
And the way I want [INAUDIBLE]
to contribute is I like to--
So this book is about
joy, ostensibly.
However, it's also about
two related qualities.
It's about inner peace,
inner joy, compassion.
I think that the trigger
point for world peace
is global compassion.
However, compassion has to
be sustained by inner joy.
Inner joy has to be
sustained by inner peace.
So all three come
together as a package.
So by writing a book on
joy, and with practices
that actually work, that
people can actually do,
because they're easy, I'm hoping
that people will practice this,
and in doing that,
they will be joyful
and they will also
have inner peace
and they will also
have compassion.
And through that, I
hope I'm making-- well
I'm helping to
make-- inner peace
and enjoying compassion
understandable, accessible,
and most importantly, practical.
And through doing that, I hope
that everybody will practice
this, I hope
everybody in this room
will do that, and
together, we will
create the conditions for
world peace in our lifetime.
Thank you
[APPLAUSE]
AUDIENCE: I have a question.
We, at Google, talk
about scale and impact
[INAUDIBLE] products.
Is there a way that we
can combine [INAUDIBLE]
philosophy on how we roll out
our products and world peace?
How can they come together?
CHADE-MENG TAN: I think so.
It's not entirely clear
what the direct impact is,
but my thinking is, at least
when I was working at Google,
I think it's still true
now, but at least when
I was working at
Google, we cared
a lot about user experience,
and also about our goodness.
Our prime directive, I think,
still is, don't be evil.
That's our prime directive.
And when I was
working at Google,
every meeting, every other
meeting-- now everybody
would think what
about this issue.
Every decision we
made, is this evil?
And then every now
and then, somebody
would raise a
question, is this evil?
So we really cared about this.
And so that's half of it.
The other half of it
is serve the user.
Do whatever it takes to give
the user the best benefit.
And so if you combine
these two together,
and if we also
personally practice
peace, joy, compassion,
those qualities will bleed
into this decision process,
because consciously or
unconsciously, we say not
just is it the users using
a [INAUDIBLE], I
mean in [INAUDIBLE]
but is it also
promoting compassion?
And so I'm hoping
continuing doing good
as a corporate philosophy,
and for each one of us
to infuse and practice
peace, joy, compassion,
I think that will
scale our impact.
AUDIENCE: Thank you
for sharing with us.
You talked a lot about how
we could seek happiness.
What about those people who
are just eternally miserable?
How do we take
this earned wisdom
and take that
happiness to people
who are not really
seeking their happiness
or who didn't know that this
is what [INAUDIBLE] makes?
CHADE-MENG TAN: So instead
of [INAUDIBLE] for us,
how do you get it
to other people?
It's very hard.
Especially a parent or a
child, those are the hardest.
So, couple answers.
One answer is, I don't really
know any other way to do it,
except to example,
so living that life
and living--
especially in my case
because I used to be miserable.
And if people know
my history, they
say, hey, why are you
so happy nowadays?
What changed?
But even, despite that,
you're always happy,
you're always kind to
people, and you're successful
and so on, somebody will
come to you one day,
and say, hey, what
is your secret?
And you can tell them,
this is my secret.
So by example,
that's the main one.
In addition, by example, there's
other point I want to make,
which has to do with
batting averages.
So this comes from
this question--
all the practices we talk about
like compassion, kindness,
does it make a difference
in social relationships?
Does it make us
less conflicting?
So if you have somebody
that caused you lot trouble,
does it make that happen less?
The real answer is,
we can control it,
but the practice will make
a significant difference.
And here's the analogy.
The analogy is, in
baseball, there's
something called the batting
average, which is roughly,
for those who don't
know about baseball,
roughly the percentage of
time that the batter hit
the ball when he's supposed to.
So the batting average of a
Major League player in baseball
is about 0.28, roughly,
so about 28% of the time.
Babe Ruth is about 34.34,
so about 6% difference
between the average
player and the best player
in the history of the game.
So if you look at those numbers,
two or three things came up.
The first thing that comes
up is that even the best
play in history of
the game hits the ball
less than half the time,
the minority of the time.
And even for a major
league player, even this.
And the second
thing you discover
is that the difference
between the best and average
is very small, six percentage
points or something.
So those six percentage point
make meaningful difference.
And it's the same
with our daily life.
If you interact with people--
this is a [INAUDIBLE],
but if I practice
kindness and compassion,
the probability of us
having a better conversation
increases meaningfully.
It may be small.
Maybe it goes from
25% of the time
to the 33% of the time,
maybe something like that.
But still, the increase
is significant enough
to make a deep,
meaningful difference.
That one time that is a
good interaction, maybe
the one time the
person likes you,
and he's a future
father-in-law or something.
So they make a difference.
So therefore, what
this means is when
you're practicing kindness,
compassion peace, joy-- first,
if you don't get the intended
result from other people,
don't feel bad.
It's expected.
And trust that it does
make a difference,
a small, but meaningful
difference, and sometimes,
meaningful enough
to be life changing.
Thank you.
AUDIENCE: And you can
buy the book, too.
CHADE-MENG TAN: Yes,
you can buy the book.
SPEAKER: We have time
for about two questions.
AUDIENCE: Thanks.
My question is,
does the principle
of diminishing marginal utility
that's applicable on pleasure
also applicable on joy,
[INAUDIBLE] joy over time?
CHADE-MENG TAN: As far as
I know, the answer is no.
And I'll tell you why.
The number one reason why
consumption-- so the joy
that's based on sense and
ego pleasure, the number one
reason they don't scale
over time is habituation.
So you have a lot of stuff.
After a while, to get the same
happiness, you need more stuff.
If you have a promotion
to director, three,
six months later, this
sucks, I'm not VP.
Right?
For the same level of
happiness, you need to be VP.
We habituate.
In the joy that I find,
my discovery, and I
could be wrong, but
my own experience
and my sense talking
to other people who
had a similar experience
is that we don't habituate.
And because we don't habituate,
the joy is always there.
It's always positive.
So that is why it doesn't--
what's the origin of what you
use?
margin-- yeah, that it
doesn't diminish over time.
There was a fascinating study.
It did not come from me, but
the data point blew my mind.
And this study was on
this idea called dhyana,
and it's a practice
called dhyana.
So remember us talking
about ease and joy,
and they calm the
mind [INAUDIBLE].
So dhyana is the
extreme version of that.
So this is when
your attention is
so stable it doesn't leave
the object of choice,
let's say, the breath, for at
least one hour for amateurs,
at least, for masters, at
least 4 hours, 4 to 24 hours.
You don't leave-- the
attention doesn't waver,
and, because it
doesn't waver, the mind
is full of joy,
unadulterated joy.
The description
given by the masters
is this is better than
sex-- that much joy.
So somebody has studied it.
There was one and only one study
I know of done on a master.
It was fascinating.
So the study,
among other things,
tested the hypothesis,
the claim, the claim
that it's better than sex.
So how do you test that claim?
The way it was done--
maybe it came out wrong--
the way the measurement was
done was on the dopamine release
system, testing the activity
on dopamine systems.
So the hypothesis, or
rather, the prediction
is that if it's better than
sex, you might find hyperdrive
in that dopamine.
And then if that's true,
by the way, if it's true,
then we have a problem,
because the subject
will have habituation.
Everything else that
depends on dopamine
will overflow, overdrive.
So the test was
done on this guy.
One guy was willing--
one master was
willing to go through
an fMRI and everything.
And the surprise
was, at the time
he reported his happiness is so
intense, it's better than sex,
his activation of
dopamine was very slight.
He was like an eh, kind of
nice, according to the dopamine.
But yet, he says he's so joyful.
Why?
Because his neocortical
activity was very low.
In other words, his mind
and his brain were quiet.
And because his
mind was quiet, he
perceived a little
bit of joy as huge.
And so therefore, that
gives me confidence,
because the
mechanism, therefore,
is not subject to
habituation, because there's
no overdrive of the
dopamine system.
And so therefore, this type of
joy is extremely sustainable.
Maybe one, plus-- I'll
try to answer quickly.
AUDIENCE: Thank you
very much for sharing
with us a lot of practical tips
on basically how we can explore
joy and how we can
use it to drive sort
of more sustained happiness.
In the very beginning
you mentioned, also,
the link between happiness
and success and productivity.
How can we learn more
about this [INAUDIBLE]?
Because I guess,
you know, especially
for an overachiever
kind of personality,
this may be the least
intuitive [INAUDIBLE],
because maybe experiencing
joy frequently in our life
can indeed drive us to be
more happy on average after.
But how does it really
connect [INAUDIBLE]
because the process may not
be necessarily pleasant.
CHADE-MENG TAN: Yes.
Two ways to do that--
academic way and direct way.
Academic way, there's
a book I recommend,
"The Happiness Advantage."
It talks about the
research that's been done,
and then, after
you read the book,
you can go to the bibliography
to look at the papers.
The practical way is to
read "Joy on Demand,"
try out the techniques,
and see if it actually
makes a difference--
oh, I have to hold it up
like I'm Vanna White--
and see if it actually
make a difference to you.
So these are the two methods.
OK, last question.
AUDIENCE: I was really
curious in particular
about finding inner quietness
and thinking about that.
I started meditation about
two or three weeks ago,
so I'm still trying
to figure out,
how do you find inner
quietness when you're
an anxious person
who has-- you try
to take a deep
breath [INAUDIBLE]
always thinking
on the next thing,
and you were basically
almost like having ADHD?
CHADE-MENG TAN: I'll just
give you a short answer
because we're out of time.
The short answer is, meditation
is not what you think.
So we have this
idea that meditation
is about quieting the
mind, no thoughts,
then when there is a thought,
I'm afraid, I suck at this.
But that's the pattern.
And then, not just that,
the thought becomes
louder and louder, you
suck, you should just stop.
So the key is to know
that that is not true.
Meditation is not about
quieting thoughts.
I mean, if you do it,
eventually the thoughts
quiet by themselves.
In the meantime, the
practice is about attending,
it's about attention,
it's not about quieting,
it's not about object,
it's not about sensation,
it's about attention, and
specifically bringing attention
to an object, basically
the breath, or the body,
whatever it is.
And if it wanders away,
just bring it back,
so it's attention.
Every time you bring it
back, it's not a failure.
It's like when you
do a bicep curl.
If you only have a heavy
object, you wouldn't grow,
but if you do this,
you will grow.
Same thing when your attention
wanders away, bring it back,
bring it back, it's
like you're doing this.
Then your muscles, specifically
your prefrontal cortex,
will grow.
So every time your
attention wanders away,
it's an opportunity for growth.
So that's the first thing,
on recognizing that.
The second thing is
recognizing that you don't
have to suppress the thoughts.
The thoughts can just
be there, and all
you have to do--
your only job is
to pay attention to the breath,
regardless of the thoughts.
So they just flow, flow,
flow, yeah, whatever.
I'm just looking at
this, that's all.
OK?
With that, thank you very much.
[APPLAUSE]
