 
Southern Belles

A Novel about Love, Purpose & Second Chances

Copyright © 2014 by Sarah Anderson

www.sarahandersonauthor.com

Cover models: Natasha Dembinski, Whitney Ostyn

Cover photograph: Katie Hess

Cover Design by Amy Guilford

Smashwords Edition, License Notes

All rights reserved. Except for use in any review and as permitted under the U.S. Copyright Act of 1976, no part of this publication may be reproduced, distributed or transmitted in any form or by any means without the prior written permission from the author. Thank you for respecting the integrity of this author.

The characters and events portrayed in this book are fictitious. Any similarity to real persons living or dead and events are purely coincidental and are not intended by the author.

Table of Contents

Chapter 1 - Best Friends, Dreams, & Promises

Chapter 2 - Goodbye High School

Chapter 3 - Oh the Places You Will Go

Chapter 4 - Prince Charming

Chapter 5 - The First Day of the Rest of Our Lives

Chapter 6 - Sick in Love

Chapter 7 - A Clearer Picture

Chapter 8 - Thanksgiving with The Buchanan's

Chapter 9 - Christmas Surprises

Chapter 10 - An Order of Mass and Fries Please

Chapter 11 - If the Apron Fits

Chapter 12 - Southern Women and Their Tea

Chapter 13 - Momma Elephant

Chapter 14 - Lucy Grace and a Side of Grits

Chapter 15 - The First Year

Chapter 16 - The Good Ole Days are Here Again

Chapter 17 - Secrets

Chapter 18 - I Need You

Chapter 19 - La Bonne Vie

Chapter 20 - Love, Georgia Style

Chapter 21 - Oak & Main

Chapter 22 - Southern Belles

Chapter 23 - Puppies & Butterflies

Acknowledgements

About the Author
Chapter 1: Best Friends, Dreams & Promises

Growing up my momma always use to say, "You have the power to change your fate." I had never really paid attention when she said this because I felt it was her way of telling me that I must be messing something up. It's not that she's some kind of control freak or even a perfectionist, just the opposite actually. She's the kind of mom that is whole-heartedly good; almost perfect. It wasn't until years later that I realized the magnitude of that often used phrase. When you're young and the world is your oyster; nothing is off limits. It's as if the whole world is rooting for you to win—to grab your dreams by the wheel and throw them into drive. Sometimes though, after a few blows to your pride and a loss of direction, it's easy to become jaded. Maybe the right word is hopeless. I hadn't realized that one choice I made had led me to believe my life, my dreams, and the chance of ever being truly happy was over. Not until I had sat around feeling sorry for myself, for what seemed like forever, had I suddenly become aware of the truth behind my mother's words. From a very early age I knew I was destined to be a writer; an inspirer for a life fully lived, but for a while, I believed that because of one fateful night my future would never amount to the dreams that kept me up at night, planning the many places I would visit and write award-winning stories about. What I learned when I finally came out of the darkness that ensnared my mind is that although I had made a mistake, that would forever change my fate, I, nor the effects of my mistake, defined me or closed the door to my dreams. I found that God still believed in me and was giving me the opportunity to take the choices I made and turn them into a masterpiece about two best friends, second chances, and finding that once-in-a-lifetime love.

Before I can tell you that story though, I have to go back to the beginning, not to the day I was born beginning, but to fifth grade, the day my best friend and I met Eric Sothersby and made a life-long pact.

It was a typical warm spring morning in beautiful St. Marys, Georgia, where I, along with the three prior generations of the Buchanan family, grew up, farming. Like every other weekday morning I was rushing to get to the locker first because my best friend, who was notoriously late, and which drove her mother mad, would hog the mirror putting on the finishing touches of her face. Since, I wasn't allowed to wear make-up yet; I would try to get there first to have control of the mirror so I could put on my make-up. Make-up—which my father would have washed off my face with a little spit and the palm of his hand had he spotted the slightest bit of color from my demeanor. Oh, yes, I know this because it happened one morning while I was waiting for the bus. I thought I had been sneaky and kept my face hidden from him, starring in the window opposite his direction while sitting in his truck, waiting for the bus. Right as the bus roared up, I turned to kiss him goodbye and lo did he catch my arm, look at me with his furrowed brow and with speed-lighting swiftness lick his hand and smear off the rouge that colored my cheeks and lips. Not only had I ended up with slobber draped all over my face, and blotches of color—all the kids on the bus got a front-row seat to this horrifying event.

So, as usual, I was putting my things away in the locker, on this peaceful May morning, when CeCe surprised me by showing up earlier than usual. She said she woke up feeling lucky that morning and wanted to get to school. Looking back, I'm not sure if it was some sort of sixth sense of hers knowing something good was about to happen or if it was just her 'take life by the reins and get going' attitude that could be summed up as CeCe's mantra.

"Good morning girlfriend" CeCe said in a quirky and bright manner, "I think you need more blue eye shadow Char."

"CeCe, I haven't even put any make-up on yet," I explained, frowning slightly.

"Oh, I just thought maybe you put it on too light- or is that a vein?"

"No, CeCe, I just got here. I haven't had a chance to put any make-up on. Besides, what are you doing here so early?"

"It's early?" CeCe questioned, with a faint smile on her face.

"For you, it's early."

"Oh, well, I woke up this morning and not only was my mom not nagging me, but the sun was shining on my face... almost begging me to wake up and get to school."

"That's interesting but I have to finish putting on my make-up before the bell rings."

"Char, hurry up, okay? I still have to spray my hair up another inch."

"CeCe, it's already like three inches high! If you spray it up anymore, you're going to fly away."

"Okay Char—move out of the way so I can get in there real quick while you're jabbering," CeCe said with a little push into my side.

"What are you doing CeCe? I need more mirror, I can't go into class without my face on," I retorted as I nudged her back.

And all of a sudden while warring over the mirror, I saw the reflection of what looked like a beautiful yet unfamiliar face, directly behind me.

"CeCe stop!" I whispered with both eyebrows raised. "Look behind you. No, don't turn around-look in the mirror."

"There's a new boy standing at the locker with Mrs. Newwater. And, he's really cute!"

"Move a little so I can take a better look," CeCe whispered back, as if we were in the library.

"I wonder if he's in our class."

"Good gravy, look at his dimples!" CeCe said with a smile overwhelming her entire face.

"Think good thoughts CeCe, you don't want to have to visit Father John, you spent most of last week in confessional."

"I wasn't in confessional most of last week—that was the week before!"

"Okay, the bell is going to ring any minute. I just need to put some color on my cheeks and lips—the rest can be natural." I said, while quickly dabbing and rubbing Magenta Smile on my cheeks and lips, just as the bell went off.

"Let's go Char; I guess my hair will be okay."

Rushing in behind CeCe to my seat before the second bell rang I caught sight of the new kid standing next to Mrs. Newwater by her desk, out of my peripheral vision. I couldn't help but feel a twinge of excitement shoot up from my stomach, wondering where he came from and what he was about. Jumping into my chair, with CeCe sitting right behind me in her assigned seat, I threw my books onto my desk. I was never happier to hear the sound of the second bell going off as I knew Mrs. Newwater would soon be introducing the new kid to the class. Not only did I want to hear where he was from but also I knew from past experiences that Mrs. Newwater was going to ask for a volunteer to show him around for the day and introduce him to other students. So, I waited, patiently, or impatiently, for what seemed like way too long for the rest of my peers to finally get situated in their seats.

"Class, class, quickly get in your seats. We have a lot to get done today and we have a new student I would like to introduce to you," declared Mrs. Newwater, in a serious manner.

"Students, this is Eric Sothersby. Please extend your warmest welcome. He is coming to us from the great state of Michigan, where it's a bit colder. He and his family left most of their family there to move here and expand their insurance business. So, he will need some nice new friends to help him adjust to this big move," explained Mrs. Newwater.

As soon as she finished saying this, I had my hand sitting on my desk waiting to raise it the minute she asked for _the_ volunteer. Like a game-show contestant, with my hand on the buzzer waiting to push it with the winning answer, I was ready to go to Disney World.

"Okay ladies and gentlemen, I would like one volunteer to show Eric Sothersby around today and help him feel at home here," Mrs. Newwater said in a sweet southern twang.

Right as I towered my hand in the air, to rise above the other quickly lifted hands of volunteers, I felt a strong tug on my hair, flipping my head abruptly up towards the ceiling.

"Char," CeCe whispered in a determined voice, "put your hand down—I really want to show this kid around. I feel something special about him. And I know that if you keep your hand up Mrs. Newwater will pick you because you're her favorite. Please, please Char!"

Now CeCe was right. I was Mrs. Newwater's favorite but that was probably because I never gave her any sass and I always did my homework, helped others, and came to class on time. My parents had taught me from a very early age to work hard at everything you do. As farmers, you have to work hard or you'll starve to death...and my mom was one of the Kindergarten teachers at our school, so I had to do well as she had lots of eyes on me and my brothers growing up. CeCe, however, had always been the handful. With a whole lot of sass, an abundance of style, and a dash of humor, CeCe was given everything she wanted as an only child, making her a bit more challenging to deal with when she made up her mind about something.

"CeCe, take your hand off my hair," I whispered back in a squeaky voice, trying not to make any more of a scene.

"I promise Char, if you let me show Eric around I'll let you have the next perfect guy," CeCe said with all sincerity and hope.

Just as I caught Mrs. Newwater eying me, with one hand on Eric's shoulder, and the other hand beginning to raise and point, I took a quick, deep breath.

"Okay CeCe, quit grabbing my hair, you can have him. But the next Prince Charming is mine," I said as I lowered my hand back to the desk.

"Thank you, thank you Char."

With a quizzical look on her face and her hand pointing in our direction, Mrs. Newwater glanced at me again. This time, with a tilt of her head side-to-side, she announced that Cecilia Crawford would be showing Eric Sothersby around today and to "please give him the warmest welcome as you pass by him, class".

I quickly turned around to see a mixture of both satisfaction and victory dancing all over CeCe's face. I could see that she was elated, almost enough to wonder what she had dreamed up in her full-of-ideas mind.

"Char, thank you so much," CeCe mouthed to me when I turned around.

"CeCe, you owe me big time, I thought he was cute too and besides you better be nice to him and not scare him."

"What are you talking about? Of course, I won't scare him. I am just going to show him some true southern hospitality," she said in a slightly impish way with one side of her smile curved up.

"That's what I'm worried about CeCe. You'll be visiting Father John in no time" I whispered to her as I moved in my seat to turn back around, with CeCe still smiling.

A few weeks before, while sitting in mass, and yes there are Catholic Christians in the south, Father John had preached about purity and how _only the pure in heart will see God._ While I had heard this verse many a times in my household (my mother was Baptist and my father Catholic before they met) my best friend, CeCe, had not. My parents, Richard and Susan Buchanan, both deeply devoted to serving God in various ways, felt it imperative to raise their children to have a healthy fear of God. CeCe, only child of parents, James and Beverly Crawford, two highly successful divorce attorneys, felt going to mass was just the right thing to do but had no personal convictions about church or God, in general. Going back to mass, a few weeks ago, Father John had given a sermon on Matthew 5:8 about being pure in mind and having pure motives to live a blessed life. Somehow CeCe must have been listening that day and had been frequenting to confessional, 'to rid my mind of impure thoughts' since. She said that she felt a bit convicted about all the boys she's kissed, sassing off to her parents and probably some other things she forgot to mention. To most people, CeCe comes off as assuredly strong and confident but I've seen the layer underneath all that sneak out—the layer where she is vulnerable to the voices of others telling her what she's not or what she is lacking...mainly the voice of her mother. Beverly Crawford, CeCe's mom and Miss Georgia Peach 1969, the magna cum laude of her graduate law class, successful high-profile divorce attorney and co-owner, with her husband, of a private law firm in Savannah, amongst a very long list of other accomplishments, is well known as a leader in our community. However, CeCe likes to refer to her as the 'steam-roller'. Looking at this picture-perfect family, everyone appears to be beautiful, happy, and the ideal of a prominent family from the south. And while half of that is right, CeCe has always struggled with feeling good enough or accomplished enough to be her mother's daughter. Living up to the very high expectations her mother has imposed on her has been her Achilles heel. When CeCe isn't trying her hardest to make her parent's or at least her mother proud (her father has always been a quiet, gentle soul) she is popping off at the mouth or making waves in some entertaining or jaw-dropping way, which usually lands her in the principal's office where we first met. CeCe and I had gone to the same church since we were babies but we never really talked to each other until third grade when I got sick and was sent to the principal's office to wait for my mother. Before that day—before I saw into a small window of the real CeCe, I had always been a little bit afraid of her and yet intrigued by her too. I had previously associated CeCe with her parents; very polished, high-class, and uber-intelligent snobby people. That and my family are more common-country folk, far from the places or lifestyle CeCe's family was accustomed to. After we became friends, I'd tease her and call her Madonna, who was also Catholic, blonde-haired and blue-eyed and reminded me a lot of CeCe because she too, was high-style, bold, and shocking just like CeCe. That day in third grade when I got sick, my father had been away on business, trying to seal a deal with another retail supermarket to distribute our peaches, so I had to go down to the principal's office (actually just to the _waiting_ bench outside the office) until the substitute teacher arrived so that my mother could leave her Kindergarten class and take me home. Meanwhile, CeCe found herself bored. She was whispering not so quietly to another classmate while the teacher was instructing. As you can probably already imagine, most teachers do not like to be interrupted and especially by a sassy little sweet-faced southern peach. Right in the middle of the lecture, the teacher stopped and looking straight at CeCe with his finger pointed about six inches from her nose demanded to know if she would "like to be the first person to see Mars". Without missing a beat, CeCe replied "actually Mr. Bartlemy, National Geographic already reported that they found a face on Mars." With his face beaming several shades of red, and hand jerking towards the door, he yelled "out" to CeCe. Looking innocent and unaware of what just happened, CeCe made her way to the principal's office with Mr. Bartlemy quickly in tow. She knew what this meant, as she was really good at pushing Mr. Bartlemy's buttons and had made several trips to the principal's office previously for comments similar to these. CeCe always had something to say about anything and had quick wit to add to it. Although, this time, she was serious, due to the fact she really had just read an article in National Geographic about scientists finding what looked to be like a human-face on the surface of Mars. Only CeCe would be able to recall such a fact in a moment like this. Anyway, although highly familiar with the interior design of the principal's office, CeCe instead looked worried while sitting next to me on the waiting bench, instead of the cool cucumber she usually was. Feeling like I was going to puke again, I sat close to the wastebasket eyeing CeCe from time-to-time as she fidgeting with her fingers, watching Mr. Bartlemy talk to the principle. Starting to dry-heave, I bent over towards the trashcan, keeping a tight hold on my hair to not get any possible chunks of puke stuck in there. CeCe, who I had never spoken with before then and looking slightly sick at the sight of my current condition asked if she could get me a tissue. Quickly moving away from me, on the waiting bench, she grabbed a tissue from the counter, and tossed it at me. I think she meant to hand it to me but got nervous, dropping it, when another belching noise abruptly arose from my insides. Muscling all the strength I had to talk and not vomit, I murmured "thank you" to her. She a bit awkwardly said "you're welcome" while keeping an eye on the principle and Mr. Bartlemy whom were now on the phone, with someone—probably CeCe's mom.

Feeling terrible and not having any care left, other than to get home and climb in bed as soon as my mom came, I mustered up the courage to say "it's probably not that bad".

Surprised, CeCe turned towards me with a half smile half worried look.

"It's probably not as bad as you think," I said. "Mr. Bartlemy has a bad reputation for blowing up too easily, at least that's what I've heard my mother say. So, I'm sure the principle is taking that into consideration," I said with my head still pointed towards the trashcan, in an attempt to help her feel better or at least less anxious, as her toe-tapping was starting to bring up extra belches from all the vibrations on the bench.

A bit guarded, which I had always thought to be snobbery, CeCe cautiously smiled, this time with both sides of her mouth, "I don't think we've ever talked, I'm CeCe."

"I know. We've gone to the same church since we were little."

"My mother's going to set my butt on fire if she has to come down here again to pick me up," CeCe explained nervously. "She probably won't come, she'll probably make Ms. Winnie come and get me, knowing her."

"Who's Ms. Winnie?"

"Oh, that's my nanny, but I like to call her mom sometimes—in front of my mother just to see how fast I can make my mother's head whip around."

Trying not to laugh up puke, I giggled, which also caused CeCe to laugh and forget about the trouble she was in momentarily.

"My mother is too important for me so Ms. Winnie has always been there, for everything. My mom is a lawyer and is always working, always telling me 'just a minute, just a minute' which actually turns into an hour later and then she only has a minute and rushes me with whatever I'm trying to tell her."

"Sometimes moms just get busy. I'm sure she cares and that's probably why she wants to light your butt on fire when you get in trouble."

A bit puzzled, CeCe shook her head, "well, maybe."

Just then my mom was arriving to finally take me home. As I got off the bench to leave, CeCe tapped me on the back. "Do you want to sit by me at lunch tomorrow?"

"That would be nice, if I'm not puking." I said smiling while trying to choke back the vomit resting in my throat.

And that's how I first met CeCe, the softer side of CeCe that most people don't know. Not sure how I got off topic but back in Mrs. Newwater's fifth grade class, CeCe was already cooking up plans for Eric Sothersby. I could tell by the look on her face when the bell rang for second period she had an agenda. As we scooted out of our seats and into the hallway for our next class, down the hall, I could see CeCe smiling and escorting Eric to what looked like the janitor's closet door.

I knew what that meant...back to confessional.

Chapter 2: Goodbye High School

With the final bell ringing for the day, signifying the end of our high school years as we knew them, I caught CeCe discretely exiting the janitor's closet, with some jock departing in the opposite direction. Some things never change.

"Char, wait up," CeCe called after spotting me in the hallway.

"Who was that Ce?" I whispered while she was still making her way through the crowded hallway.

"Oh, that was my lab partner from last hour; I was just showing him around the supply closet." She said in a giddy voice before going on "Char, we are graduating tonight!"

"I know I can hardly believe we are actually done with high school!"

"So do you want me to pick you up for graduation or is Jersey coming by for you?" CeCe asked curiously. And before I could answer, she continued, "Either way I don't care, but you are definitely leaving with me for my graduation party. I need your help greeting people so I don't have to stand next to my mom, all night, while she is critiquing my outfit and giving me pointers on what to say to all of her associates she invited to _my_ graduation party."

"Well, I think Jersey," I started to say when someone snuck up behind me and grabbed my waist, making me yell loudly, turning heads all around me.

"I think Jersey is what-the most awesome guy in Georgia?" Jersey, said in a confident, semi-charming and conceded way.

"Jersey, I told you to stop grabbing me like that." I said in a stern voice, while slapping his hands away from my waist.

"I know, but I think you really like it," he smiled at me.

Rolling her eyes, CeCe interrupted, "hi Jersey, we were just talking about graduation tonight. I already told CeCe that she is leaving graduation with me to help at my party but I don't care if she rides with you to graduation."

CeCe didn't really care for Jersey. She thought he was a jerk and that I was too nice and too good for a guy like him. Jack Delano, nicknamed Jersey for New Jersey, where he lived before moving to St. Marys to live with his uncle, was the quarter back for our football team as well as my boyfriend of two years. He moved here after he got kicked out of his third private school for being a bit of a troublemaker. You think they'd really like each other because they had so much in common; both were known for having a mouth on them that ran faster than their brain- tact connection. CeCe was forever telling me that he was no good for me but I, out of naivety looking back now, have always tried to see the good in people and believed that somewhere behind that mouth of his was a good heart. Although I never found it, he, when he was not pressuring me to make a home run, was devilishly cute, funny, and very persuasive when he wanted something...like talking me into being his girlfriend despite my gut telling me no and my brain saying run. But out of boredom or a lack of better options, I gave in and have been Jersey's girlfriend since Homecoming in tenth grade. I still remember our first date when he came to pick me up. Oh yeah, it's not hard to forget when your dad is polishing his shotgun on the front porch. Not to mention his ammo laid out all over the place while he's decked out in camouflage from head to toe to greet your date for the first time. It was most likely this first impression my father had on him that caused him to have a bit of fear and an eager challenge when it came to dating me. I, mostly mild mannered and from a very conservative family, was drawn to guys like Jersey for the wild, provoking energy they possessed. Although I love my dad and he's always been good to our mom and to us—he is not the type of guy I would be drawn to. He's usually serious, very analytical and works 14 hours a day six days a week. He's incredibly frugal, which makes for a great business owner of one of the hardest industries out there...farming—but not an image of romance by far. Not that I knew what romance was at 18 years of age other than the girly movies that always depicted the good girl ending up with a good guy possessing all the intrigue of a bad-guy. Jersey was definitely not a romantic. He was the all-American jock kind-of-guy. His idea of romance was taking me to see a Rambo-flick and paying for the popcorn and drinks, followed by sugary-sweet persuasion to make out in his 1989 Camaro afterwards. My mom was forever and a day telling me that if I found a guy who loved Jesus with all his heart, he would love me like the princess I am. Unfortunately, St. Marys didn't seem to have any interesting Jesus-loving boys around so Jersey was it for now. Not sure how long it would last as Jersey was going away to Montclair State University in New Jersey on a full-ride football scholarship and myself to the University of Georgia for journalism in the fall, I was just buying time for the right guy to walk into my life.

Looking at Jersey, I replied back. "Yeah Ce, I will go with you after graduation. Jersey, can you pick me up at a quarter to six?"

"Char you don't need to be that early for graduation, it doesn't start until six thirty in the evening." Jersey noted.

"That's because she's the Valedictorian and has to give a speech, remember." CeCe said in a barely tolerant voice.

"Oh. Well you can go with CeCe if you want. Some of the guys and I are getting a head start to the graduation parties. We are meeting on the 50-yard line at five."

"Jersey you better be careful. Besides you have to walk me down to my chair." I said, sounding like my mother.

"Cool down Char. I'll be fine and I'll be there to walk you to your chair." Jersey said in an annoyed voice.

"Alright, we have to get going CeCe. Richie is picking me up. I will see you later Jersey—do not be late!" I said as I quickly kissed Jersey goodbye on the cheek.

Yelling down the hall as we were scurrying to meet Richie, I heard Jersey laugh and shout, "Char, my grandma gives better kisses than that," while standing with his football buddies.

"CeCe keep walking," I started to say as I knew she, at any minute, was waiting for an opportunity to put him in his place. And of course, less than a second later CeCe flipped around and laughingly replied "Jersey, you really need to stop making out with your grandma," before she turned back around to push the doors wide open to our future.

"Good God CeCe!"

"I know that was pretty funny, wasn't it," she said still laughing at her cleverness, as we skipped down the steps outside.

"Hey, there's Richie. I've gotta go but you'll pick me up at 5:30 PM, right?"

"Of course."

Chapter 3: Oh, The Places You'll Go

"It's five thirty; where is she?" I asked as I peeked out the window.

"Char, it's CeCe, she's always late." Richie, the youngest of my four brothers called back, while glancing at himself in the entryway mirror.

Richie, the most entertaining Buchanan, other than my grandma Rose, my dad's mom, is also my closest brother. Out of the five of us siblings, identical twins Edward and Peter are the oldest, Jason is the next oldest and Richie is only one year older than me. I am the youngest and only girl of the bunch. Edward and Peter, the serious, most-like-my-dad of the boys, both started working on the farm right after high school and are six years older than me. Instead of being opposites, like most identical twins I've heard about, I think they both share one brain because they always seem to be able to tell what the other one's thinking—like finishing each other's sentences and falling for the same girls. Jason, the most sophisticated and college-educated of the bunch, has lots of ideas to help modernize the farm to make it more efficient and profitable. Even though it appears that my dad is listening when Jason presents his new ideas, my dad's way of harvesting peaches never really changed. I knew Jason would find a way and be very successful one day. Richie, who inherited my Grandma Rose's sense of humor and our dad's namesake, is not like any of my other brothers. A rugged good looking-farm boy and always popular with the girls, he never really fit the profile of a farmer's son. After graduation he stayed at home and attended community college, auditioning for all the local theatre productions in the area while working towards a marketing degree. He enjoys making people laugh as if it's the fuel he runs on. I can count on him to listen without judgment, when I need to talk, a rare and beautiful gift.

"Finally, I see her coming down the driveway. Richie, when mom gets out of the shower, tell her that I am saving her eight seats in the front row. Thanks, I love you. I'll see you at graduation later," I said quickly as I dashed out of the house.

In just a few moments we arrived at the gymnasium, home of the Wildcats, for the last time as seniors. I had been thinking about this day for many years. I couldn't wait to get away from this small and enveloping town. My dreams were begging to be released. CeCe and I had both been accepted into the University of Georgia in Athens, a much bigger and cultured Georgian city. I would be free to make my own path, to show off my God-given talents and become the journalist I've dreamt of since childhood. We were so excited after finding out we both got in. I was pretty sure I would get in and CeCe's parents were not only alumni but also whatever she lacked in GPA made up in generous donations to the university. We had it all planned out. The first two years we'd stay in the dorms together and then get an apartment close to campus during our junior year. Studying abroad was, without doubt, in our plans for at least a semester—preferably Paris or Rome—somewhere full of adventure. Like her parents, she planned to major in political science, which pleased both her parents. Although law didn't seem fitting for CeCe, she would definitely be a lethal force to debate with. CeCe could be very persuasive and had a way with words that made her hard to argue with. Most of the girls in our school were a bit intimidated by CeCe's tenacity while the guys looked at CeCe as hot but high-maintenance. However, I'd catch Eric Sothersby sneaking a glance, now and then, at CeCe, still probably bewildered by her forwardness in the janitor's closet. And even though they hadn't talked since that day in the fifth grade, I could sense that he still had a thing for CeCe, by the way he became mesmerized when he locked his sights on her. I had always thought Eric Sothersby was such a nice guy besides his good looks and charming shyness. CeCe seemed to be too busy looking for her next thrill to catch Eric's sneak peeks.

What seemed to take forever was coming to a close in just a few hours. The gymnasium was starting to fill up and I could see my fellow peers pouring in with their blue and white gowns on. Soon, the band would start playing Pomp and Circumstance. From behind the stage I could see my mom and dad, Grandma Evi and Grandma Rose sitting in the front row. My brothers were probably walking around talking with old friends. Who I hadn't seen yet was my boyfriend, which was no surprise to me. It was now 6:15 PM and we were getting ready to line up to begin the march down the middle aisle towards the podium.

"Where is he? I told him not to be late."

"Is it really any surprise Char? That boy is always up to no good."

Just then Mrs. Palen, our principal, came over to announce that we must get in line with our partner. "Charlotte, you'll be leading everyone up to the stage. Remember to go to the front row and walk towards the end of the chairs." She said while straightening my cap.

"CeCe, this is just like Jersey to show up late for graduation."

"Char, I'll be your partner. Charlie can walk with someone else, I'm sure he won't mind. Besides this is our moment to shine," CeCe said smiling.

"Ce, thank you. I did not want to walk up the aisle, alone, with a million eyeballs on me."

"Okay ladies," Mrs. Palen instructed, "as soon as you hear Pomp and Circumstance begin you can start walking down the aisle just as we practiced earlier." She then turned towards the rest of the line of students and informed them, "I will stand at the back here and tap ya'll on the shoulder to let you know when to start walking down the aisle."

With my long curled brown hair, perfectly in place, I locked my right arm with CeCe's. A few seconds later I heard the sound of trumpets, tubas, and clarinets start up.

"Here we go Char," CeCe said beaming as if we were walking down the red carpet.

As we marched down the aisle flashing lights sparkled throughout the gymnasium while the music filled the warm country air. Our banner, 'Class of 1995' proudly swayed over the podium where I would be speaking in just a little while. As we neared the front row I saw all of my brothers whistling and yelling "Go Char". My parents, with cameras held up to their faces, were smiling and cheering us on. Beside them, my grandmothers were waving and clapping. On the other side of my brothers, I could see CeCe's parents. They were smiling proudly and snapping up pictures of us while we floated towards the podium. Stepping onto the stage I unlocked arms with CeCe and started towards the end of the row, with CeCe filing in behind me. As I sat down, I started rehearsing my speech in my mind. I had almost forgotten how mad I was at Jersey for not showing up yet again for another important moment in my life. Watching all my fellow classmates fill up the seats made my stomach begin to twist and turn as I knew I would be speaking in front of more people than I had in my whole life in just minutes. Suddenly I felt CeCe elbowing me in my side, temporarily relieving my building anxiety.

Whispering towards my ear, CeCe said, "look who's sneaking in the back of the line."

Trying to contain my composure I saw Jersey and five of his buddies looking somber. Mrs. Palen appeared to be reading them the riot act, while shooing them in pairs towards the front of the gymnasium. CeCe later told me that she could almost see daggers springing forth from my eyes like little ninjas darting at his face.

"Char, don't worry about him, you have an awesome speech to give," CeCe again whispered.

Mrs. Palen motioned me to go to the podium to begin my speech.

Nervous, I walked up to the podium to give the speech I'd been waiting a lifetime to give. Although I could compose speeches relatively easily, speaking to a crowd of more than a thousand was nerve-wrecking.

"Welcome to the graduating class of 1995. Thank you for coming today and for traveling with us in this journey here. Without you, we could not have made it."

Turning towards my fellow graduates, "And to you Class of 1995, I say today is your day."

I continued on with the first few paragraphs of my favorite Dr. Seuss book.

" _Congratulations!  
Today is your day.  
You're off to Great Places!  
You're off and away!"_

_  
"You have brains in your head.  
You have feet in your shoes.  
You can steer yourself  
any direction you choose.  
You're on your own. And you know what you know.  
And YOU are the guy who'll decide where to go."

"You'll look up and down streets. Look 'em over with care.  
About some you will say, "I don't choose to go there."  
With your head full of brains and your shoes full of feet,  
you're too smart to go down any not-so-good street."_

" _And you may not find any  
you'll want to go down.  
In that case, of course,  
you'll head straight out of town."_

I went on for another few minutes after the last few verses of Seuss before ending with this: "Class of 1995, this life is yours for the taking. May you choose the paths less traveled and wherever you end up may you always find yourself in the company of good friends." Smiling at CeCe, I thanked the crowd once again as cheers rose up from my classmates and audience, before taking my seat.

As I sat back down, CeCe squeezed my hand and nodded her head "you did great lady."

After the ceremony was over and we posed for an endless array of photographs with our parents and friends, CeCe and I hugged my family goodbye and walked towards her car to get ready for her graduation party. Jersey, watching us from the corner of the gym, waited for the right time to come over and catch us before we left.

Without stopping to hear Jersey's pathetic excuse of an apology I jumped into CeCe's car. I just enjoyed an end to an important chapter in my life and did not want to screw it up listening to Jersey's excuses. As we began to drive off I could hear Jersey calling my name.

"I'm sure he'll turn up at your parents."

"That's okay, I'll have Harley welcome him in," CeCe said laughing. "That might liven things up a bit—you know a little entertainment to break up the stuffiness from all the people my mom invited."

I laughed as I imagined Harley, CeCe's Doberman Pincher, chasing Jersey down the block.

"Thanks Ce, but I will probably have to talk with him sooner or later anyway. Besides, it should be interesting to see who all your mom invited." I said, wanting to change the subject.

We pulled up to CeCe's house a few minutes later. Her house was beautifully lit with white Christmas lights adorning the weeping willows situated on either side of her long driveway. CeCe's house, a beautiful old plantation home, complete with a grand front porch and four white pillars divided by oversized hanging fern baskets, was one of the most beautiful homes in the south. A server with drinks and hors d'oeuvres immediately greeted us followed by CeCe's mother asking what took us so long. She then began to straighten CeCe's hair as CeCe tried to weave around the hands poking at her. Looking around, everything appeared perfect. The house looked like it belonged in a magazine and everywhere you looked there was a server standing with a platter ready to present the finest finger foods one could find at a grand ball. There were large bouquets of tastefully designed floral arrangements overflowing throughout the 1830's era home. There was live music coming from a small orchestra on the back lawn. I spied CeCe's dad talking with several gentlemen, drinks in hand and deep in conversation. Even at family events, CeCe's parents were always working out deals to be on retainer for fortune 500 companies although they were best known for their victories with high-profile divorces. They knew the value that networking for their law firm gave and CeCe's graduation party was another venue to schmooze potential clientele. CeCe had complained on the way home about all the people her mother had invited to her graduation party, half of whom she had never met before. It was a gorgeous summer night in the south, despite my boyfriend being stupid or CeCe's parents capitalizing on her successes.

"Mom, stop pulling my dress down. It was made this way." CeCe snapped at her mom while Bev tried her best to make CeCe fit into her image of a perfect family and not embarrass her in front of all the associates and clients they'd invited.

"CeCe, why don't you go put on the dress I bought you? I laid it on your bed. Wear it tonight please. And then hurry back downstairs; you need to stand here with me, greeting all the guests as they arrive."

CeCe was happy to get away from her mother's poking and prodding at her, even though eventually she knew that her mother would come find her if she didn't hurry back quickly. I followed CeCe up the white, winding marbled stairway. A large crystal chandelier hung from the 20-foot ceiling right above the entryway. I never tired of seeing the aged elegance sprawling throughout the Crawford's grand estate. To CeCe though, I think it's always been a reminder of her parent's imposed expectation for her future. I believe that's partly why CeCe has preferred being at my home to hers. Our families and homes are vastly different. While my mother did a wonderful job at decorating and keeping our house cozy, it was definitely not as impressive as CeCe's. Our farmhouse was a two-story 3,000 square foot home where several generations of Buchanan's lived and raised their family. It echoed character all throughout and donned a wrap-around porch with plenty of seating and comfort for our entire family after a long, summer's day of work in the orchard. My mother too made it her job to ensure that everyone who visited felt welcomed and special. Aside from all the splendor of her home, CeCe would often come over and melt into one of the well-worn sofas in the living room or the porch swing and blend right into our family's philosophic conversations about God, love, and politics.

Laid out on her bed was a long navy blue dress with quarter-size white polka dots and a scalloped neckline, accompanied by a three-inch belt covered in the same fabric.

"CeCe, that's a beautiful dress. It looks like the one in Pretty Woman," I said awing it.

"I know she drives you nuts but it's a pretty dress and it'll be gorgeous on you!"

Shaking her head, CeCe picked it up and unzipped the back of the dress. Quickly shedding her clothes, CeCe stepped into the dress.

"Can you zip me up Char, please?"

"Sure."

CeCe fastened the belt so that it perfectly hugged her waistline, giving her a flawless hourglass shape. Turning side-to-side to see herself in the standing mirror, she broke into a reserved smile.

"You look stunning Cecelia Kathryn Crawford!" I said happily reaffirming her with words she needed but rarely heard.

Still quiet and taking herself in, I added, "you must admit she has really good taste."

"No, I just make this dress look good." She laughed as she whirled around beaming.

"Okay, let's go make mommie dearest happy."

In addition to calling the maid 'mom' CeCe also enjoyed calling her mother 'mommie dearest' to quickly grab her attention. When CeCe was young and left alone with the maid, nanny, or butler, she watched all kinds of movies, documentaries, and biographies including the one that portrayed the famous Joan Crawford as a mentally unstable and wicked mother in her personal life. CeCe was amused that not only were both women highly egotistical but also shared their last name, Crawford. One of Joan's adopted children, Christina, wrote a biography about her mother deeming her film career as the most important thing in life. She alleged that 'the children' were just a publicity stunt to gain more popularity amongst the public eye and boost box-office ticket sales. Christina claimed that her mother was less than nurturing and that she never felt wanted by her mother—but was more of a prop to appeal to the nuclear family.

I knew CeCe's mom loved her and that she wasn't mentally unstable or wicked despite her less than adequate affirmations of love towards her daughter. Beverly Crawford, put frankly, was a workaholic and a perfectionist who got so wrapped up in her work that she lost sight of the important things in life other than fancy handbags. She too was driven by the need to conquer and succeed all obstacles in her path. Everything she did fed a need that protected her from an extra helping of self-doubt and the fear of being vulnerable to scrutiny of any kind. Projecting the image of flawlessness was something she and CeCe had in common. CeCe, though, kept the idea of being a prop shoved neatly in a small file at the back of her head, right where she could easily access it, with little reminders from her mom like the one time her mother forgot her eleventh Birthday. It was a good thing that CeCe's dad paid attention to the important details. When her mother finally got home that night, both CeCe and her father were already asleep, leaving three-quarters of a cake reading 'appy rthday CeCe' on the kitchen island. She had left early for work that morning before CeCe woke and didn't get home until ten o'clock after everyone was asleep. She had been so immersed in a settlement she'd been working on for weeks and was nearing an agreement for a very important client. She had forgotten but not CeCe. She filed that one right along with the others. The next morning when she awoke she found a beautifully wrapped rectangular box with a bright pink bow. Inside it CeCe found her first American Girl doll. About a foot and half tall with curly, long blonde hair, blue eyes, and wearing a pretty sundress the doll was something CeCe had wanted for quite some time. Next to the box was a pink envelope. Opening the card carefully to not rip it, it read only six words, 'Happy 11th Birthday Cecilia, Love Mom'. No I love you or I'm sorry, just Happy Birthday. CeCe was deeply hurt for her lack of an apology or at least an acknowledgement that she had missed her daughter's Birthday. CeCe felt abandoned by her mother's work often. That night when her mother got home she did her usual routine and treated this day like any other. When she went to CeCe's room to check in on her, she asked her if she liked her new doll. CeCe was writing in her journal and without looking up she replied, "You can't buy my forgiveness." Not sure what to say, Bev walked out and neither said a word to each other for the next few days. Secretly, CeCe had hoped that her mother would have stuck around that night to attempt an apology or at least ask her about her day so she could have felt like it was only by mistake that she missed her Birthday. Later that year when CeCe started her period, she came to our house and confided in my mother to find out what to do. My mother hugged her, smiled, and told her that she had officially become a young lady before taking her to the store to buy some pads. And so it went like this during all of CeCe's teen years that she preferred our simple but cozy farmhouse than her marbled mansion.

As we glided down the grand staircase, I saw Jersey standing beside Bev, waiting for our company. Smugly talking to Mrs. Crawford, he smiled and winked at me as I came closer. Most adults, unless they knew Jersey, were impressed with him because of his ability to schmooze, in addition to his talents on the football field that won many a trophies and banners for our school. At the moment, I was very unimpressed and annoyed by his consistency in being an inconsiderate prick of a boyfriend.

"Girls, what took you so long? CeCe, I told you that dress would look good on you." Bev said straightening out an invisible wrinkle in CeCe's dress.

"You didn't say anything about it looking good. Besides, you barked at me to go put it on mother dearest."

"Cecilia Kathryn, do not call me that," Bev said, sipping her champagne. "And I don't bark. Now, go stand by the doorway so you can greet your arriving guests." She snipped back.

Pleading with her eyes not to leave her too long with her mother, I promised CeCe that I would come back in a little while after I gave Jersey a talking to. CeCe walked off with her mother towards the front porch. Still turned towards CeCe with my back facing Jersey, I felt a sudden pinch on my butt, springing me quickly back around. Appalled, I slapped Jersey in the chest. He laughed and pulled me close to him.

"Baby, you can't be mad at me," he said in a soft playful tone. "I invited you to come with me."

"No, you didn't. You pawned me off on CeCe because I was an inconvenience to your plans to get wasted before graduation." I said firmly as I pulled out from his embrace.

"Baby, I wanted to get wasted with you but since you're a bit of a prude, I hung with the guys." He said placing his hands on my upper arms.

"You're still drunk Jersey. I can smell it on your breath."

"I haven't drank since before graduation started and I'm sorry I wasn't there for you. I wanted to be there for you but the guys wouldn't let me drive back because they worried I'd get pulled over. They were trying to be helpful." He said, trying to win back my affections.

"Hmm."

"Baby, I'm a jerk. Will you just let me show you how sorry I am?" He said leaning down to kiss my cheek and pull me in towards him.

"Jersey, there are a ton of people around here."

He took my hand and led me outside to the back veranda. Underneath an old weeping cypress tree, he guided me to a garden bench for two.

"What do I need to do to tell you I screwed up?" He said as leaned in to kiss me.

As his lips touched mine, I'd almost forgotten that I'd been mad at him just minutes before. Jersey made me so mad sometimes. He'd do stupid things, apologize in a very convincingly sincere way and I'd forgive him every time. I was such a sucker. Sometimes, he made me so mad at myself for believing his antics. This time though he seemed more sorry than usual. As we continued to kiss, his hand slipped down my back and slowly up my right side. I quickly caught his hand and kept it still on my ribs before it moved any higher up.

"Jersey," I said, pulling back from his kiss, "I need something to drink."

"Right now? You need something to drink right now?"

"Yes, and you are still showing me how sorry you are for being a terrible boyfriend."

I didn't want him thinking he could just waltz right back in and take over my senses. Besides that, Jersey didn't deserve any of my fruits.

"Okay, I'll be back."

"Lemonade," I said loudly.

I sat quietly tucked behind the umbrella like branches of the weeping cypress tree. It was too nice of a night to stay mad for too long. I listened to the music of the orchestra on the veranda while I waited for Jersey to come back. I thought about poor CeCe standing like a pretty mannequin next to Bev greeting all the well-wishers as they strolled in. Grinning to myself, maybe it was good bonding time for those two while they waited for all their guests to arrive. Nearby were two girls giggling. As they came closer, I could hear bits and pieces of what they were saying. Something they must have not wanted others to hear as they shushed each other and walked away from the crowds of others on the great estate.

"Was he a good kisser?" I heard one say.

"Oh my goodness, he's so romantic. He called me baby and then asked if he could kiss me. I was like, yeah, I guess."

Trying my best to be quiet, I stood up and slowly backed up to the tree, trying not to make a noise. The girls must have been just on the other side of the tree as I could hear them more clearly now.

"I never would have thought you and Jersey together." The one girl said to the one talking.

Now I was really listening. What did she mean 'you and Jersey together'? Did she know I was on the other side of the tree? Was she talking to me?

"Yeah, I know, I always thought he was in love with Charlotte Buchanan. When I asked him about her, at the football field, he said she was a prude that broke his heart. He told me that they were done."

I could not believe what I was hearing. My face was starting to get hot and my temples ached. Prude? Me? The guy who was just kissing me and trying to get a feel? Unbelievable!

"He told me that he wanted to see me later tonight." She said to her friend.

"Are you going to meet him?

"Yeah. He said he'd sneak over and pick me up around one AM, when everyone is sleeping, so we could spend the night together at the beach."

Seconds later Jersey snuck up behind me, with lemonade in his hands.

Whispering into my ear, he said, "What are you doing?"

"What am I doing?" I said yelling as I pulled us out from behind the tree.

Now visible to both of the girls standing there, gushing over him moments earlier, I could see the shock on their faces. Jersey stood there surprised and eye brows raised. Speechless he was.

"I'm a prude? Is that because I wouldn't get drunk on the football field and give you any? Yep, I'm a prude—if that means not wasting my time on a weasel, not worth wasting time on."

I snatched my drink from Jersey and threw it in his face as I turned to storm off.

"Oh, and to you," I said, stopping at the girl who was love struck just minutes ago, "he has taken me to the beach at one AM in the morning—you're not the first and you won't be the last!"

"We're finished Jersey!" I said, yelling "Harley" repeatedly; as I started off in the direction I last saw CeCe.

Finding CeCe in the foyer, I interrupted her conversation. "CeCe, I'm leaving now. Jersey was drunk at the football field, playing tonsil hockey with some little sophomore. If I see him again, I will personally sick Harley on him."

"Char I'm going with you. I'll drive."

"CeCe, you need to be here for your party." Bev instilled.

"Mom, CeCe needs me and you'll be fine, these are all your friends anyways. I'll be back later." She shouted, as she ran after me.

Within a few minutes we were at the beach.

"I'm so glad we're out of there. Besides I love the beach, it's my favorite place in the world." I said, tasting the salty ocean air kiss my lips, with every spoken word.

"High school?" CeCe asked.

"Yeah, high school too, but the party and all the people."

"Hey Char, thank you for rescuing me tonight. I would have clawed my eyes out if I had to stand next to Bev any longer. By the way you are really good at making impressions of my mom behind her back."

"No problem Ce, that's what best friends are for. They stick with you even when no one else does." I said, looking at the full moon dancing above the tranquil sea.

In a low voice CeCe acknowledged, "I'm sorry about you and Jersey."

"Thanks. It was only a matter of time. We wouldn't have lasted long anyways once school started. He didn't seem like the faithful type and besides, I wasn't going to give him what he wanted anyhow. I might be naïve but I knew he didn't deserve this peach."

"Isn't that the truth, you are way too good for a punk like him. Char, one day you're going to be famous with your stories. That jerk will be so sorry that he missed out on you. That will be the best revenge! And when you're super-famous, you better not forget this bestie!"

"Ce, nothing will ever keep us from being best friends, not even my future celebrity status," I said laughingly. "I love you Cecilia Kathryn Crawford. You are forever my best friend!"

Yawning by this time, CeCe reached for my hand, "I love you too Charlotte Renee Buchanan."

The events of the night had taken most of my energy. CeCe too appeared drained from bonding time with her mother. Almost too sleepy to talk anymore, we both just laid there on the cool moonlit sandy beach, listening to the waves gently roll in.

Chapter 4: Prince Charming

Feeling a soft breeze on my face, I rolled over to find the brilliant morning sun peering through my window. CeCe was still sleeping. From my bedroom, I could hear some clanging and clattering going on in the kitchen downstairs. My mother was up as usual bright and early probably making breakfast for everyone—or at least those in my family who were not already outside working on the farm.

My mom was always up early, even on days when she didn't have to get up for school. My mom, the youngest of five kids also, has forever been my biggest fan. Being the only daughter helps but I think even if I weren't the only girl I'd still be close to my mom. She almost always wears a smile and I can count on her to be positive—especially when something is bothering me. I never quite understood how she was able to raise us, nonetheless be a kindergarten teacher, without ever yelling. Even if she didn't like someone, you'd never know because she's the type of person who treats everyone with compassion and respect. That was one of the many attributes that drew my dad to her. And although he never seems to rest I still catch my dad grabbing my mom from behind and giving her quick little pecks on her cheeks and neck—usually when she's got her hands elbow deep in soapy dish water. My mom and dad grew up knowing each other because Grandma Rose and Grandma Evi were best friends but my mom hadn't really ever noticed my dad until they went on a youth retreat that their youth groups attended. My dad said that he was there to grow closer to God and have fun with his friends when he spotted the most beautiful girl with long brown hair singing and full of life. He could only see part of her face from where he was sitting but every once in a while, she would laugh and as she did her face turned sideways towards her friends. My dad said that he'd secretly had a crush on her for years. However, after seeing her in a new light, he couldn't take his eyes off her. I've seen pictures of my mother when she was younger. She had long flowing brown hair and light colored freckles dotted all over her nose and cheeks. With dimples a mile deep, her smile is highly infectious. A lot of people say I look like her. It was one of these times that she was laughing and looking at her friends when she turned just enough to spot this tan-faced guy starring at her. She said that her cheeks blushed almost immediately from the intensity on his face. He said that she was so striking that he didn't realize that his mouth had been gaping open the whole time until one of his friends gave him a quick jab in the side. My mom says she couldn't help but start laughing and so did my dad after he got over his moment of embarrassment. Her beauty was much deeper than her looks and her kindness made her the most stunning woman he'd ever known. It probably helped too that their mothers were secretly always plotting their wedding. That weekend helped my mother see my father in a different way. She had gathered frogs and went on cemetery walks with him when they were younger. This time she saw the heart behind the boy who now appeared to have turned into a rugged but handsome man with a heart of gold. And the rest is history.

"Charlotte, CeCe, breakfast is ready. Come on down, it's on the table." My mom called from downstairs.

Turning over, CeCe yawned, and said, "Is it time to leave yet?"

"CeCe, that's tomorrow."

"I know I was just hoping to wake up to tomorrow today." She said while looking up at the sun shimmering on the ceiling.

"I can't believe we leave for school tomorrow. Summer has flown by. I'm so excited. Are you packed CeCe?"

"Are you kidding? I've had everything by the door for almost a week now. It's been driving my mom nuts having her entryway cluttered with my stuff. I would have put my things out sooner had I known it would've drawn this much attention from her." She said with a faint smile on her face.

"What about you Char?"

"I've got a few more things to finish packing but I'm almost done."

"You know what? We should go to Trixie's for lunch. What do you think?"

"I think that's a great idea Ce. But I think we should start with breakfast first."

"I hope your mom made her chocolate chip pancakes. She always makes the best food. I'm going to miss her cooking Char."

"Ce, she always makes chocolate chip pancakes when you come over. I'm sure she did."

Albeit a perfectionist in many areas, Bev's cooking was not one of them. CeCe was always coming over to our house for dinner or any meal she could get that didn't come from a box, a bag, or a restaurant. She was always raving about my mom's cooking, especially her chicken-noodle soup. Since my mom knew her mother didn't cook she insisted on making CeCe a pot of her famous chicken-noodle soup every time she got sick. CeCe was like a wild cat roaming for food. The more milk you put out for her the more she'd come back for seconds. My parents have an open door policy. Whenever someone is hungry they are always welcome at their table. At holidays, we'd easily have at least 30 people packed into their home. My mom's favorite saying is 'what's one more'. As it was between my brothers, both my grandma's and myself, she cooked for 9 daily, 10 including CeCe.

Walking down the stairs, I smelled the sweet aroma of warm chocolate and vanilla.

"Good morning girls. Did you sleep well?" My mom asked cheerfully.

"Good morning Mrs. Buchanan. I slept great. I would have woken up earlier if I knew you were making my favorite pancakes." CeCe said in a buttery voice.

"I'm going to miss making you girls chocolate chip pancakes." My mom said.

"Don't worry mom you can always make me chocolate chip pancakes." Richie said, from the living room.

"First, you have to sweet talk me like CeCe does Richie. She knows where the pudding is." My mom said smiling at CeCe.

"Ha-ha Richie!" CeCe laughed.

"So what do you two have planned for your last day before college?" My mom asked while washing dishes.

"I think we're going to Trixie's for lunch later. The beach might be nice. I'm going to miss the beach too," I said, chomping on my yummy chocolate chip pancakes.

"The beach sounds good." CeCe said.

"Count me in for both cuz I know you're gonna miss your 'Wichie'," Richie said in a baby voice.

"That's fine Richie. You can buy our lunch since you're going to miss your favorite cheerleaders." I replied.

Besides CeCe, Richie was not only my brother but also my best friend. CeCe, Richie, and I spent many a night hanging out at the beach, playing bocce ball, watching chic flicks, and sharing our dreams—secret dreams, like being a Hollywood actor instead of a marketing pro or being anything other than a lawyer. Both Richie and CeCe defied the norms except when it came to writing their future. Richie, always outgoing and popular with the girls and guys, studied marketing because he felt it was something that our parents could be proud of him for even though his heart was never really convinced. And CeCe, studying political science because no matter how little or how hard she tried never seemed to be able to please her parents, or more importantly her mother, hoped this would finally be something she could have in common with them. Richie stood out from my other brothers. Choosing marketing, he thought, would help to balance out previous accomplishments of his like—Captain of the Cheerleading Squad at our school. Oh yeah, only Richie could get away with being a cheerleader and not get taunted for it by others at school. He could make anything look cool. He was usually the one to take risks and the one that my siblings could depend on to be the scapegoat if they got in trouble. Overly animated, Richie can make even the most pursed-lipped old lady laugh which came in handy with my father—the authoritarian in our household. My father, as most people, didn't take Richie seriously and because of this my brother took to marketing to win over his respect though his heart belonged to Hollywood all along. Something most people didn't know. Sometimes, when it was just CeCe, he, and I, we'd tease and call him Brad after one of his favorite actors, Brad Pitt. The first few times he laughed and then would make a rebuttal. After awhile he started answering to Brad, which always made Ce and I cheese. Though he'd only be a phone call away, I knew I would miss him more than I could have imagined when we left for school.

"We better finish up quickly," I said. "I still have to finish packing."

"And don't forget about dinner tonight at six. Aunt Juanita will be here as well as Grandma Rose's new friend. They all want to see you before you leave tomorrow, Char." My mom said as she dried her hands off on the well-worn dishtowel beside the sink.

"Grandma Rose has a new friend?" CeCe asked with a slight twist of her neck and raised eyebrows.

"I want to meet him too," Richie smiled.

"Just don't ask him too many questions at dinner Ce or Rose will yank your ear off," I said seriously.

"True story." Richie said pointing to his ear.

"She did not pull your ear off Richie." My mother raised her voice from the laundry room.

"Mom, I had to have a stitch put in the back of my ear." Richie said with his finger showing off the spot.

"That's only because you jerked away when she was holding onto your ear after you mouthed off to her." I said, defending my sweet but brazen grandmother.

My grandma Rose, my dad's mom, is one of the toughest women you'll ever meet. She's also very cunning. Not only did she raise six kids on her own and run the peach orchard, which my dad took over just before marrying my mother, she was also the chair person for this committee, president for that club, and school board member at St. Marys. Everyone knows my grandma in this small town. My grandpa, who I never met, died very young while working one hot summer day in the orchard. My grandmother found him when she went out to take him his lunch. When the ambulance arrived they could not find a pulse. Later, she found out that he'd had a heart attack. She said that at first she was so devastated that it paralyzed her from taking care of her kids, the farm, or any of the other responsibilities on her plate. My grandmother has always credited God and the love and support of a few good friends, namely Evi, for getting her through those hard times. Although, I suspect the nice tall glass of spirited lemonade she carries around helped a bit too. My grandma still places a high value of keeping up with her friends. For a seventy-year old granny, she maintains a bustling schedule full of bridge, bingo, shopping and plenty of mini vacations with her girlfriends. I can always tell when she did well at bingo because she doesn't get home until late—no doubt celebrating her victories over dinner with friends. After my father took over the farm, she had a quaint cottage built for her by the weeping willows overlooking the small lake behind the orchard. She said some of her most memorable experiences were spent by that lake and she wanted to wake up to happy memories every day. You could catch her starring out at the lake at times, smiling, quietly to herself, like she had some great kept secret. Rose, although she is empathetic, is not the person you'd go to if you were feeling sorry for yourself. Despite her losses in life, she's chosen to focus on the wins only. She's a fighter in true southern femme style. If nothing else, she has taught me to hold on to the good things in life- especially to the friends who stick with you through thick and thin and... mud.

"Okay Richie, enough reminiscing. We need to get going if we're going to get in Trixie's and the beach before dinner." I called back to him from the stairway.

"I'm ready whenever you girls are." He insisted.

I quickly marched up the stairs with CeCe. I still had some packing to do but I could easily pull an all-nighter if I needed to. Right now I wanted to get to the beach and get some more rays as I knew it wouldn't be until next summer before I got back there. And Trixie's was definitely a priority because I wanted to say goodbye to Trudy and get my favorite chocolate milkshake and cheese fries, a staple in this teenage girl's diet.

Trixie's, a small diner with big heart was like a second home to CeCe, Richie, and I. For every celebratory event, heartache, or rainy day, we plopped ourselves down in the 1950's style booth in the corner right between the jukebox and the Elvis Presley cutout. Trudy, a single mom and server at the diner, for years, could have been a surrogate mother for CeCe and me. She always knew what to say to us to turn our day around. She also knew how to handle the men that would come in and try to get fresh with her. That was entertaining to watch. At 5'2, Trudy's not the typical blonde bombshell that most people, at first glance presume. Smart and funny, she keeps the regulars coming back not just for the food but for the feeling they get of being known by name. A native of St. Marys, Trudy has never stepped foot outside this small town. I don't know how but she always seems happy even as a single mom, working at a diner for a living. Years ago she fell in love with a handsome stranger who abandoned her while pregnant. Still after that she kept a smile on her face more often than not. She says that she could have chosen to be angry for the rest of her life but that Charlie, her daughter, is the best gift that anyone has ever given her. I just never understood how someone so young and full of life could be happy in the constraints of a small, old-fashion town but Trudy was.

Driving up to Trixie Rox, I spotted a few familiar cars in the packed parking lot. A lot of other beach goers must have had the same idea, an ice-cold milkshake and some cheesy fries to fight off the heat and hunger that a long day at the beach demands.

"Hey that looks like Veronica's car," Richie said, smiling.

"Hey, that looks like Veronica's car," CeCe echoed mockingly.

"I don't even know why someone as awesome as yourself Richie would ever like someone so shallow and fake as Veronica," said CeCe in a sarcastic voice.

Veronica was the only girl that drove CeCe nuts and Richie knew it. Richie, who was liked by all, (especially the girls) always, thought that Veronica was cute...and Veronica made it a point to flirt with him. Veronica was 5'9 and 120 pounds of perfect. Long, straight, blonde hair and legs a mile high, she was the captain of the tennis team, co-cheerleading captain (CeCe was the other co-captain of the cheerleading squad our senior year), Miss Homecoming queen, President's award recipient and CeCe's arch rival. Secretly, CeCe was always trying to out-do Veronica and vice-versa Veronica did her best to make perfection look easy. I think the competition started in fifth grade when CeCe was showing Eric Sothersby off when Veronica Sweetly interrupted her parade by walking by and smiling harmoniously at Eric. Feeling threatened by the cute little blonde, with perfectly parted pigtails, whose mother was also a powerhouse in the community, CeCe shot her a laser-eyed look to shoo her away from her new prize possession. Sweet, but not dense to her plan, Veronica shot her back an equally menacing look when Eric turned his back, before she smiled at CeCe and walked away, triumphantly. Since then CeCe and Veronica have been competing against each other in everything from boyfriends to cheerleading captain to fashion icon to president of the student government body and then some. And when Veronica won Miss Homecoming queen, CeCe was secretly devastated—even though she smiled during the crowning on the football field to cover the pain of defeat. CeCe didn't quite feel as bold a competitor again until she won Miss St. Marys a few months later. And then she was back and as audacious as ever.

Pulling open the door to the diner, I quickly scanned the room and felt like it was a mini-high school reunion. Amongst all the recognizable faces including Veronica's, there were many more unfamiliar, youthful ones. Next, I spotted Trudy who was busy running the show, pinning up orders for the kitchen crew, and getting ready to stack her tray with scrumptious diner food. Looking toward our usual spot I spied four guys that looked to be college-aged sitting in our booth. As soon as CeCe discovered Veronica looking towards our table, CeCe realized her new assignment—make sure Veronica saw CeCe befriending the guys she couldn't take her eyes off and make her green with envy.

"Hey girls, I'm sure they won't mind sharing the booth," Trudy yelled over the crowd, once she spotted us.

"Thanks Tru, it's busy in here today." I said, yelling back over the noise.

"Yea, it's the last rush before everyone leaves for school tomorrow." She said, as she came closer towards us.

Walking to our table, CeCe had already caught the gaze of at least two of the guys sitting in the booth.

"We're not really going to sit with all those guys are we ladies?" Richie implored, frowning all the way.

"Richie, are you intimidated by those hot beefy guys?" CeCe said wincing back at Richie.

"Are you kidding Ce? Nah, I'm not intimidated, I'm just going to go catch up with Veronica." Richie smirked as he quickly turned towards her table.

"Hey boys, you're sitting at our table but I guess I'll let it slide if you scoot over," CeCe said grinning.

One of the guys parked at our table who was staring at CeCe, turned quickly towards the back of the booth, pretending to be looking at something before flipping back around and declaring to CeCe, "your name must be gorgeous".

"How did you know?" CeCe said coyly, flipping back to see the look on Veronica's face.

Yes, another score for CeCe! She was always looking at ways to keep the score at least even if not ahead of Veronica's accomplishments. CeCe scooted into our booth and I slid in right after her. I sat there listening to the conversations going on around me feeling like an outsider. CeCe loved being in the spotlight and soaked up the attention of all the guys surrounding us. The heat of the day and the salt from swimming in the ocean all afternoon tired me out. I loved the beach and spent most of my time there when I was not in school or at Trixie's. There was a picture I kept pinned to my mirror in my bedroom that I imagined as me in a tropical beach paradise. I found it in a magazine once, several years ago. It was of a young woman, dressed only in a white, simple bikini, standing on a stretch of sandy beach in between two small lush islands. One hand held a snorkeling mask while the other lay gently at her side. Her relaxed smile depicted the ethereal beauty around her. Although I didn't know where the photograph was taken, I could tell it was some foreign country with great, raw beauty. It was a picture of inspiration that made me work hard in everything I did so that one day I would reach my dreams of traveling the world and discovering the unadulterated and rare treasures of the globe, like this. Being at the beach kept my dreams alive.

"Hey Char; do you want to go to the party?"

Suddenly I was yanked back into some sort of conversation that I had not heard a word of since I sat down. These guys were cute but all the same. They were just hanging out in this town for a novel time. Probably, most of them were from Savannah and were here escaping all the ordinariness of the big city, like most of the college guys and girls that were not full-time residents of our community. None of them stuck around and usually were condescending towards the locals, as if they were better than us because they had second homes here. Anyway, it sounded like we had just been invited to some sort of last summer bash. Since, I had no plans other than dinner with the family and Aunt Juanita; I figured a party might help to speed up the countdown to tomorrow. I could finish the packing in the morning if I really needed to.

"Yeah, I think I could fit that in." I said, trying to look as if I'd been listening the entire time.

An hour later and two milkshakes down, we were back in the car heading towards home. CeCe was going on and on about one of the guys she had just met and how he was in his second year at Georgia Tech, studying something she couldn't quite remember the name of. It wasn't really important anyway. It was only his good looks, flirtatiousness, and prestigious front that caught her attention. It wouldn't last long anyway. We were headed to college, a different college, and CeCe liked to keep it fresh and exciting. She never really dated anyone for more than a date or two. The only relationship that lasted with anyone was with Father John—to ask for forgiveness for her habitual promiscuous behavior.

"There's Aunt Juanita." I said as we pulled up in the driveway.

"Oh yeah, Grandma Rose is also bringing her man friend." Richie reminded us.

"Hey girls", Aunt Juanita called out from the porch, "how was the beach?"

Hugging Aunt Juanita I said, "It was great but it's even better to see you!"

"You're such a sugar." Aunt Juanita said to me in her thick southern drawl. And pretty just like your momma." She added.

"So did you meet Grandma's man friend yet?" Richie asked jokingly.

"Yes I did and he seems very sweet." Aunt Juanita said eyeballing Richie.

"Well, did you guys have a good time?" Grandma Rose said as she was walked out the front door to greet us on the porch.

"It was great. More importantly—where is this hottie we've been hearing about Rose?" CeCe asked as she walked up to give her a hug.

"He's in the bathroom...again." She said giggling, "It's only been the fourth time since we got here. He's very nice, so you kids better behave."

"Grams, we always behave," Richie snickered while giving her shoulders a quick rub.

"Hmm, like the time you scared away my sugar daddy?" She quickly replied.

"Grams, I was like eight years old and he smelled like sardines and bad cigars. And furthermore, how was I supposed to know he was allergic to cats and didn't like kids in his face." He said convincingly.

"Well, it's a good thing I don't like fish and you were a cute kid Richie." Grandma Rose said as she now squeezed her arm around Richie's waist as they walked inside.

"Oh and you did know that he was allergic to cats because I asked you to keep the cat in the laundry room before he came because they cause him to breaks out in hives." She retorted back tightening her hold on him.

Richie is Grandma Rose's favorite like I'm Aunt Juanita's. He could get away with just about anything with her. Although, every once in a while when we were kids, she'd beat his little butt like the time he put lawn fertilizer in the fuel tank of the lawn mower (without telling anyone) to see what would happen. That was during the time Richie pondered about being a scientist when he grew up. It wasn't until he was in high school that he realized he was a natural entertainer for more than just our family. He would take apart things—like dad's brand new radio and mix things together that created small explosions—like the one time he singed the peach fuzz right off his forearms. This particular time, though, Richie did know about Mr. Knipper's allergy to cats. He secretly despised him for monopolizing 'his grams' and was curious how fast the hives would appear. He came up with a daft little trick too. When mom invited Mr. Knipper and grandma over for dinner, he jumped up in Mr. Knipper's lap and started hugging him. Mr. Knipper wasn't sure what to do other than try not to drop him in front of grandma. Mr. Knipper was not the most kid-friendly man. Richie bouncing all over him, then started rubbing his face between his two small hands, shaking his head back and forth, repeating "hi Mr. Knipper" over and over again before my mother could finally pull him off his lap. Of course, this was after Richie spent a half hour in the laundry room petting and brushing Mr. Winkles, our cat, until half his hair fell out. Shortly after everyone sat down for dinner Mr. Knipper's right cheek started twitching. His eyes seemed all of a sudden smaller. Trying to answer questions that my dad believed were thoughtful, he began to have a small cough backing up his sentences. Richie sat across from him, studying his face, while eating his peas. Not once did he take his eyes off him. Richie was keeping track of the time. The more Mr. Knipper talked the more he rubbed his neck and coughed until it was obvious to everyone at the table that something was truly wrong. Grandma and mom noticed first that he started having red splotches all over his face and neck. His eyes and cheeks began swelling up like he stuffed 50 marshmallows in his mouth. My mom ran to the medicine cabinet for some Benadryl while my dad called 911 to get the ambulance.

Apparently, that's what happens when someone is allergic to cats...very allergic _to cats_. After all the drama was over and Mr. Knipper was deemed stable at the ER, Richie told me that it took approximately 12 minutes for the welts to take over Mr. Knipper's face. Although neither Richie nor I ever said anything about that night to anyone, Grandma was onto Richie's stunt. That was the last time we saw Mr. Knipper. Dinner with my family was always exciting.

At dinner that night my brothers joked around telling tall tales and recounting silly stories from when we were younger, on the farm. Grandma Evi, my mother's mom, with Alzheimer's, sat still, smiling. She moved in with my parents after Grandpa Wasis died. Even though she could no long speak in sentences due to the advanced stage of her disease, she sat comfortably, seeming entertained by the boy's animated stories. Every now and then CeCe interjected some of her fond memories of our shenanigans with Richie—like sneaking out for cow rides at two in the morning. My mother and Aunt Juanita caught up and Aunt Juanita shared some stories about her latest trip to Haiti. Grandma Rose's man friend sat quietly, smiling the majority of the time, when he was not excusing himself to the bathroom or straightening his toupee. He seemed like a nice little man and was about a foot shorter than Grandma. Dad was busy enjoying the delicious spread my mother prepared, like she did for all our family dinners, when he wasn't talking about the farm with grandma. Sitting back with a belly full of great food and even better company, I watched as our dinner table, once again, lit up with laughter. I loved my family and the dinners that easily lasted hours. I couldn't wait to get to Athens but dinners with my family where priceless.

I looked at my watch and realized that it was almost nine o'clock. I whispered in CeCe's ear that we needed to get going to the party and motioned to Richie. We gave hugs to Aunt Juanita, Grandma's Evi, Rose, and her little man friend. I kissed my mom and dad goodbye before walking towards the door. My mother followed us to the entryway and quietly reminded us to stick together, not drink, and not do anything that we couldn't do if she were in the same room with us.

"Thanks mom, I love you too." I said as I gave her another kiss and hug before tromping down the front porch steps.

"Remember you need to be home before the sun comes up; I'll be waiting up for you." She said smiling as she stood in the doorway waving goodbye at us.

There were cars parked all up and down the block when we arrived. I could already hear music wafting from the house. I was a little excited about the party but knew I'd probably be spending most of it by myself while CeCe exchanged spit with the college guy she fancied from Trixie's. Richie opted to stay home and catch up on his video games. I didn't mind hanging by myself as my heart was already in Athens—where the real party was waiting. This was just a bonus, in the meantime.

The music reverberated as we opened the door. There were beautiful people enjoying themselves everywhere I looked.

"CeCe, what's the name of the guy you're looking for?"

"James or Jim, I think." She said as she scanned over the house.

"Do I look okay Char? No eye or nose boogies, right?"

"You look great, no eye or nose boogies." I said reassuring her. "What about me?"

"Beautiful of course, Char. You got some good sun today; your freckles are all over." CeCe said hugging me quickly.

"So who are you going to be tonight Char?" Ce asked as she continued to scan the room.

"I don't know. Maybe, I'll be Lucy tonight," I said jokingly.

"That's a good name. I have to be CeCe," she said amusingly, "because Jim already knows my real name from the diner."

"That's a great name," I said grinning at CeCe. We always gave fake names to guys we didn't know or met at parties just in case they ended up being annoying or creepy. We figured it would make us harder to find if they weren't boyfriend material.

Yelling over the crowd, the guy CeCe had been looking for found us. In tow, he had two guys and a girl following him. Undoubtedly, CeCe would have tried to fix me up with the lone guy had I promptly told her "Don't bother CeCe, I don't need a date tonight and he doesn't look interesting anyway."

"Oh Char—don't judge a book by its cover."

"I'm not. Just go enjoy yourself CeCe, I'm going to get a drink and hang out on the deck. Promise me thou that you won't leave the party with that guy. I need a ride a home, you know."

"I promise! I would never leave you! You're my BFF!" She said as she skipped away.

Before CeCe snuck away with the college cutie, I vowed to meet back up with her, in a few hours, on the deck of this beautiful beach house humming with life and mesmerizing music. Sitting quietly, with one hand resting in my lap and the other holding a drink, I appreciated the calm peace I felt in all the noise. There were young people everywhere laughing and talking, drinking and dancing, inside and out on the beach. The music drifted in muted tones across the deck sending goose bumps across my neck and arms as I sat back in the lounge chair over-looking the ocean. I was so relaxed that I was reminded of my favorite book, the Great Gatsby. Gatsby always had the best parties. His home, on the beach, was filled with people just like me looking for a good time to pass the time. I sat silently taking in the still beauty of the night, admiring the white caps softly hitting the moonlit sandy shore. Almost a little too relaxed; a sudden and thunderous belch sprang forth. I laughed and let out a little "ooh" until I heard someone else, laugh behind me, and I jumped. Thinking I was alone on the deck, I was surprised to find a smiling guy standing behind me—a really cute, smiling guy.

"That's pretty impressive. You know most adolescent boys would be envious." He said with a serious look on his face before letting down his eyebrows and walking towards me.

"Okay, you tell me a secret. You already know mine. Heavy-weight belcher, defender of the Southern title", I joked to cover my embarrassment.

Blushing, he looked out at the crashing waves rolling in before peering at me from the side of his face. I could tell that my question had caught him off guard after my grand impression.

"Really?" He asked with a smile deepening the dimples chiseled above his smooth ivory jawbone. His eyes twinkled from the light of the deck and the full moon overhead. They were a brilliant blue that reminded me of the way my Aunt Juanita described the Grecian seas in her travels around the Mediterranean. Starring intently at me, he created a warmth that slowly crept up my backside. I could feel it spreading to my arms, that just moments ago had goose bumps.

"Yeah."

Looking up to the left before his eyes rolled to the right he replied, "I can't stand Nirvana."

"Wow, you got me there!" I said with an over exaggerated look on my face.

"What?"

"I could have guessed that from your polo and your loafers."

"Are you mocking my style?" He said charmingly.

"No, of course not," I said coyly. "I said a secret, not an obvious assumption."

"Oh. So, you're saying that I'm predictable?"

"No, but most of the out-of-town guys wearing polo's and loafers are usually riding around on their boats blaring U2. Dr. Dre if they're trying to look a little less like you know...a jock driving their dad's yacht."

"Is that what you think about me?"

"I don't know. I just met you. Should I think that? Does your dad own a boat?"

"Yes. But what's wrong with being a jock?" And why do wearing loafers or polo's, owning boats, and not liking Nirvana define me as a jock?" He asked, now looking directly at me.

"What's wrong with being a jock?" I stammered as an image of a drunken, obnoxious, conceited Jersey flashed through my head.

"Nothing, if you think being conceded, ungrateful, and having everything handed to you on a silver platter is okay."

"Wow, sounds like somebody got burnt?" He said, taking a sip of his drink.

Quickly realizing I sounded like a bitter and scorned ex-girlfriend from the abrupt seriousness our playful conversation went to, I giggled and apologized, "I'm Lucy, can we start over?"

"Before or after that extraordinary monstrous belch?" He laughed, before extending his hand forward, "I'm Skylar Flower. Only my friends call me Skylar and only my really good friends get away with calling me Sky Flower."

"Hmm... Sky Flower." I repeated his words aloud, hypnotized by his engaging smile and firm handshake.

"And now you know my secret. I'm a product of hippies who wanted a baby girl."

"I thought my burp was embarrassing; you're starting to help me feel a lot better about myself." I teased.

Chuckling quietly, Skylar asked, "Do you want to take a walk on the beach?"

"I'd like that."

As we started to let our guards down, I felt an unfamiliar tickling jostle around in my belly. Watching him talk made me smile. The more he talked, the more I smiled. I tried biting my lip to hide the smile but it just got bigger. The more I smiled, the more he smiled. It was odd and infectious. I don't know why I couldn't erase the smile off my face. It was almost like having to pee and trying not to do the peepee dance in public, yet still dancing around, trying to pass it off while others slowly and amusingly caught on to what you were really doing. He was gentle in his mannerisms and the slight facial expressions he made spoke of his character. Calm and collected, he was skilled at being charming without being rude or too nice. He asked me about my dreams and what I wanted to do when I grew up—as if he didn't notice I was almost grown up. This was in contrast to boys I had entertained in passing conversations. Like Jersey, I can't ever remember having any kind of a conversation where he wanted to know more about me or my opinion. He was always busy telling me about himself or his pumped up _accomplishments._ As I shared with him my dreams of being a journalist and writing books one day, I could tell Skylar was interested in what I had to say. He told me about visiting foreign countries, as a kid, with his little sister and his parents who had helped build orphanages all around the world. He laughed and said that his hippie parents got saved, by some visiting missionaries, when he was a baby while they were living in a commune in Southern California. After that they felt called to help the less fortunate. He said that because of his interesting upbringing that he wanted to do something good in the world but wasn't sure what it was just yet. He knew he would find his purpose eventually. For now though, he was attending college overseas, studying international business.

"I've always loved coming to the beach at night and watching the stars." He said, taking a seat on the sandy shore. "It gives me a peace inside—I know that somewhere up there God is watching and listening to me. When life gets messy, I come to the beach and think out loud." He said drawing his knees up with his arms resting over them, as his hair blew slightly in the breeze.

"The beach is a second home to me too. I'd live here if my mom let me. Messy?" I asked looking at him, wondering what he had to worry about with the great family and life experiences he shared with me earlier.

"Yeah, messy...you know, stressful." He paused for a moment.

"Stressful?"

"My mom's had cancer twice in the last four years and both times there was no guarantee that she'd make it out. It was pretty scary for a while." He said glancing out over the sea at the stars twinkling in the sky.

"Wow—I'm sorry to hear that. Is she okay now?" I asked, seeing the heart behind his good looks and charm.

"She's in remission now but she's been pretty secretive lately. She doesn't like to worry us."

"My grandma Rose had cancer when I was nine but she told me that she was too ornery too die." I said smiling. "I was probably too young at the time to understand the fullness of her circumstances but after I overheard my mom talking to my dad about her illness, I remember worrying that she would die and leave me. That night I told God that he was not allowed to have her because I was too young to be without my grandma."

Smiling, Skylar looked at me warmly. "That sounds like a familiar conversation I've had with Him too. I made a deal with God that if he let her live, I'd willingly do whatever he had planned for my life."

"Are you scared what that may be?" I asked curiously.

"No, I know He loves me and has good things planned, whatever they are. For now, I'm waiting for Him to guide me. He's never abandoned me yet. So, I'll wait for his call."

"How will you know when He calls you?" I asked, interested in the depth of his words.

"He always shows up at the right time. Just when times get too dark and you feel all alone, he sends signs and people to help lift our spirits and direct our paths. So, when He's ready, He'll let me know." He said, looking at me directly.

His magnetic charisma had drawn me to him. I could have talked with him all night long and not have realized the time passing. Not only was he smart and funny but his soul was warm and deeply genuine. I found myself no longer wanting to pass the time, to just get to tomorrow; I wanted to drench myself into every minute I was with him. Every word he said and every smile that embraced his lips made me feel like a kid in a toy store. I couldn't remember having this much fun just talking ever. I was so intrigued and overcome with an unexpected, intense feeling of joy. We talked about the lives we imagined for ourselves, one day. When he talked about wanting to get married and have kids, I was surprised to mentally find myself imagining me in his life. I envisioned him and I running through a beautiful home chasing after a giggling toddler, with a cute dog following close behind. There was laughter, lots of it. I could even picture the dog—a yellow lab, furry and sweet, probably one we rescued from an animal shelter. I couldn't believe that I let my mind wonder like this. I didn't even know him but I felt like he knew me in a way that no one knew me.

A cool ocean breeze swept over me, forging a chill to climb up my back and slip around my neck, causing me to shudder and pull my shoulders together. Skylar took notice and pulled off his cardigan. He draped it over my shoulders and backside and I felt the ripples of warmth from his strong hands radiate through my body. I wondered if he had a girlfriend or someone special in his life. I figured he must have with all the charm he possessed. If there was someone did they talk like this? Did she know the beauty of his soul? I wondered if he could tell that every second we were together, I was writing him into my life. How I hoped that my face wasn't giving me away.

His hand brushed the side of my face as he pulled the cardigan snugly around me. It smelled like warm vanilla and beach sandalwood. The intoxicating smell and the intensity of the moment made me weak. I warily looked up not sure what would happen next. Skylar looked into my eyes and paused a moment. Looking into his crystal-blue eyes, I could feel an unexpected burst of butterflies in my stomach making it hard to breath. I felt weak, all of a sudden, and my hands became shaky. I was losing control of my composure. A grin rose up his left side reaching across to the right side before he reached for my hands and folded them into his, nestling them in between our chests. I smiled back nervously, thinking I could lose my bearings at any second and fall. I didn't know how much longer I could look into his eyes before he could read my mind. Slowly, he leaned forward and I closed my eyes. His soft, full lips pressed gently into mine and everything in my body froze. It was as if everything around me went silent and dark. His kiss was sweet like the nectar from the peaches on our farm. I could have kissed him for a million years with no regrets. One of his hands broke free from mine and slipped through the back of my hair, gently caressing my head. His other arm wrapped around my waist and held me tight. Our kiss intensified, taking in his breath, his hold on me tightened. We came up for air with our eyes wide open, leaning nose-to-nose. It was reckless abandon. I had been taught to leave the sacredness of our bodies and our hearts for only one person in life. I couldn't explain what was coming over me. Suddenly, an image of my mother popped in my head before I quickly shooed her away. I had never felt this way with anyone else, ever. This foreign and powerful emotion swept over me—making me weak in my senses. I was caught up in the moment and couldn't think about where this might be going. Never having felt this before I imagined this might be what love felt like and I didn't want it to end.

"I really like you. You're not like anyone I've met. I don't want to mess this up Lucy." Skylar whispered in my ear as his cheek rested against my temple.

I loved his honor and his strong sense to do the right thing. I could tell he was fighting back his urges to take me further down the path he and I wanted so badly to explore. I couldn't help but smile, feeling intoxicated in the moment.

"I like you too," I said in a trance-like state. "I'm not scared."

Holding my face in the palm of his hands, his eyes searched my face. "If we don't stop before this goes too far I'm scared that I may never know what a future with you could be like."

"I just don't want to miss something that I may wonder about the rest of my life," I said, making myself vulnerable to Skylar's emotions.

"Lucy, I don't want to take something of yours—something that's not mine to take."

"I feel safe with you Skylar."

Scanning my face, Skylar bent down to kiss my lips again. Once more, when his lips touched mine, my body went limp and my breathing stopped. I was falling deeply, quickly, madly in love with him.

"Take my hand." He said as he stood up and led me to a small covered cabana on the beach. As he laid me softly down on the chaise lounge, he leaned in and kissed my ear whispering, "Let's make tonight last forever."

That night was one I never stopped dreaming about. Skylar was everything I dreamt that a prince charming should be. He was kind, smart, funny, respectful, handsome, and loved God. Even though we knew that what we'd done didn't sit right with our beliefs—we took a chance hoping that by holding onto every moment together, our lives would intertwine. I wanted to give Skylar something no one else had in hopes he would return me his tomorrows. I was told that nothing in life is coincidence. Meeting Skylar tonight was my destiny and I'd never been so happy to meet my fate. My mind had already encapsulated him into my future—accompanying me in my journeys around the world, chasing toddlers, and puppies.

"Are you okay Lucy?" Skylar asked, as he lifted my chin up with his thumb and forefinger.

With my face glistening in the moonlight, I answered, "Yes, are you?" I looked at him checking for his reassurance.

"Lucy, I've never met anyone like you. I..."

Waiting for him to finish his sentence, I looked over his face, as he appeared to be searching for the right words to say.

"I've never felt like this before about anyone. And I want you to know that I don't act like this normally."

"Act like what?" I asked, feeling all of a sudden more alert.

"I don't go around meeting girls and falling in love with them. I haven't slept with anyone before and I am sorry if I am talking too much. I just don't want you thinking I'm some sort of _jock_ that gets around."

I had started to feel a bit self-conscious before he spoke as I couldn't discern the look on his face. But now, I heard him say something about falling, no one else—it was all muffled. Blushing, I looked up at Skylar and my heart started to pound. I thought it was going to explode out of my chest. He turned closer to me, lying on his side, now face-to-face with me. Gathering enough breath to speak I said, "Skylar, I've never slept with anyone and never considered it before you." I paused, "I don't think that about you and thank you for that."

"For what?"

"For helping me know that I didn't just make a mistake...and that there really are good guys out there."

I had never met anyone like Skylar. Even though we were from different worlds, we connected. We laughed. We got entrenched in each other's stories. He drew me in with every word and held me close. It was like a flowing stream. We went on and on with no breaks—only wanting for more time as we saw the early beginnings of the new day amongst us.

"I don't want this to end." Skylar said, with his arms wrapped around me as we watched the moon continue its path across the sky.

"I have to get back; my friend is going to be worried if I don't." I said hesitantly.

I turned and gave Skylar a kiss on the cheek. Just hours before meeting Skylar I couldn't wait to get to Athens to start my freshman year at the University of Georgia. Now, I didn't want this night to end. I didn't want to leave Skylar. I knew we would meet up again but my heart was strongly bonded to him even more with the coming of the new day and the goodbye's we would be saying, soon.

Walking back to the beach house, things had gotten much quieter than when we left it some hours ago. Hand-in-hand, and wearing his cardigan, we entered the house.

Quickly, one of Skylar's friends found him and insisted they had to get going because of one of the guy's curfews. I reached into my purse to look for a pen and paper.

"Didn't you say your friend is around here somewhere?" Skylar asked, looking around.

"Yeah, she's here somewhere. She promised she wouldn't leave me." I said, writing my phone number on the back of a receipt.

"Are you sure I can't give you a ride home or stay with you until you find her?"

"Sky, we have to go." One of his friends called out.

"I'll be okay; she's around here somewhere. Skylar, I have to see you again. Here's my number." I looked into his eyes.

He took my pen and ripped off a piece of the paper with my number on it. He wrote his number down, folded the paper up, and placed it in my hands.

"I promise Lucy; I will see you again. Keep my sweater and think of me till I see you next. Until then, your beauty will haunt my dreams," Skylar smiled and leaned in to kiss me goodbye. Seconds later as he was ushered away by his friends he shouted, "Lucy, you are the most beautiful girl in the world," before he disappeared out the door.

As he walked away I grinned, feeling like the most beautiful woman in the world. After he was gone I felt a growing heaviness in my chest. I sat on one of the sofas, wrapped in his sweater, feeling numb. I already missed him. I could smell his cologne on the sweater as I brought the sleeves up to my face. Making my heart skip a beat the smell brought me back to the cabana. The smell was intoxicating. I closed my eyes and time stopped all over again. I felt the butterflies fill my stomach, remembering his kiss on my lips, and for a few quiet moments I smiled reliving our unforgettable night. I couldn't believe that I'd met someone that I imagined a lifetime with. People talked about having soul mates—people who were destined for each other. I was sure he was mine. I was still floating, thinking about him, our conversation, and how he made me feel. While waiting for CeCe, I pulled the folded paper out of my pocket that Skylar placed in my hand. On it were his number, Skylar, and a message that read _olive juice?_ Seeing his handwriting made my face break into an unending smile. I squeezed his sweater and inhaled Skylar's cologne again.

"Char, where have you been?" CeCe asked, interrupting my moment of joy. "I've been looking all over for you. It's almost four in the morning."

"CeCe—I met someone."

"Good, we need to go. I hope your mom's not still waiting up for us; she'll be worried."

"I know, I lost track of time and I didn't care about anything else for once." I said, glowing.

CeCe stopped dragging me along and looked at me, surprised. "You can tell me all about him on the way home."

Still intoxicated by the hormones pumping through my body, I felt good and woozy. As we drove through the quiet streets with our windows down and my hand waving through the rushing summer air outside the car window, I told CeCe all about Skylar. I told her how we made love in the private cabana under the moonlit sky and that I thought he was _the one_.

"Charlotte Renee Buchanan—you had sex! Father John is going to be shocked! You better start on those Hail Mary's now!"

"CeCe!"

How was it? Was it good? Was he sweet? How are you feeling? Did you use protection I hope?" CeCe blurted out question after question.

"CeCe! Yes it was incredible and yes we used protection and yes Father John is going to be shocked. I still can't believe I did it. I don't know what came over me. It's not what I planned."

"Well, are you going to see each other again?"

"Of course, we will. We exchanged phone numbers. He also wrote _olive juice_ on my paper. I'm not sure what that was about. I'm already dreaming about the next time I'm going to see him although I'll probably need to tell him my real name at some point."

CeCe giggled excitedly. "Char, mouth the words olive juice without saying a sound. He's saying I love you."

Quickly mouthing the words I wanted to believe that Skylar was trying to tell me _he loved me... too._

Sneaking quietly into the house, I saw my mother sleeping on the couch. She had fallen asleep while waiting for us to come home. I pulled the throw from the back of the sofa and covered her before turning off the light and TV. By the time I slipped into bed, it was almost five AM. I laid in bed, wearing Skylar's sweater, with my windows open watching the remaining journey of the moon as the sun quickly chased him away. I hoped he was watching the same moon thinking of me too. I envisioned Skylar and me on the beach until I fell asleep.

Chapter 5: The First Day of the Rest of Our Lives

Morning came early that day. I was still dreaming about Skylar when my mom came in my room to wake me up. I was so tired but happy. I'd only slept about three hours by the time she sat on my bed and began stroking my hair. She did this from time-to-time on lazy weekend days to wake me up. As I turned over I saw my mom's big smile. Looking at her suddenly reminded me of one of the last things she said before we left the house last night—not to do _anything that we couldn't do if she were in the same room with us_. I smiled back at her, thinking about last night, and wondered if she could see anything different about me. I hoped she wouldn't ask too many questions.

"Mom, I met the most wonderful guy last night at the party."

"Oh you did? What time did you girls get home by the way?"

I looked for CeCe and didn't see her anywhere. A voice billowed in from the bathroom across the hall. "It was pretty late but I don't remember the actual time. I told Char we needed to get home before you worried but she was too busy partying," CeCe said laughing afterwards.

"Hmm...sounds like a good party. Tell me more about this guy, Char." My mom said, smiling.

"He's really sweet, funny, smart, and—a Christian, mom. I couldn't stop talking to him. He's the kindest—super charming and sooo handsome. Mom, I'm going to marry him one day."

CeCe and my mother's expressions froze. They were amazed to hear me talk about Skylar because they had never heard me get this excited over any guy before. CeCe started raising her eyebrows at me from behind my mother doing a silent little crazy dance pretending to be kissing someone in the air until my mother turned around and caught her in the middle of her kissing re-enactment and started laughing.

"Oh Skylar, I love you. Oh Lucy, I love you too, marry me baby. I can't live without you sucking my face." CeCe said hugging herself.

"Who's Lucy?" My mother asked with a quizzical look.

Giggling, we both looked at her and I replied, "That was my fake name last night—but I think he's a keeper so I'm going to have to tell him my real name when I call him."

"I'm really going to miss you two and your silly stories when you're at college. You better call at least twice a week and visit me before Thanksgiving! CeCe—you keep a good eye on my Char and Char don't let CeCe out of your sight! Do your best and don't beat yourself up over the small stuff. And lastly, have fun and enjoy every moment."

CeCe looked at me and laughed giving me the wink, wink. I know she was trying to taunt me about the _enjoy every minute_ part. CeCe and I walked over to my mom and hugged her tightly.

"Mom, CeCe's parents just pulled up." Richie called from downstairs.

"What time is it mom?" I asked, realizing that I still had a bit of packing left to do before we left.

"Honey it's about nine o'clock. We need to leave by ten AM" My mother said as she walked down the stairs to go greet the Crawford's and invite them in for coffee and Danish.

"Oh gravy! I need to get up now."

"That's right buttercup." CeCe, fully dressed and all dolled up, said as she sat on my bed.

"Why didn't you wake me up Ce?"

"You were smiling and talking in your sleep. It was more fun to listen to your conversation... _Skylar, olive juice, Skylar._ Besides, I figured you needed the sleep after all the enjoyment from last night. CeCe said laughing facetiously."

"Shut up CeCe!" I whispered loudly followed by a pillow to her pretty blonde head.

"You cannot tell anyone. Pinky swear!"

"I won't but you should probably stop and see Father John before we leave town." CeCe said in a matter-of-fact way.

"Oh CeCe! Stop, I'm still trying to enjoy our moment together. I will call Father John when we get to school."

"Chicken, you don't want him to know."

"Okay, you're right. God loves me regardless and I will behave from here on out. Drop it CeCe."

"Okay, okay. I just had to give you some gruff since I'm always the one on the other end of that pointed finger."

"You've got me and if I've ever sounded judgmental towards you—I'm sorry. I just can't believe it still; I think I'm really in love, CeCe."

"I know; you're marrying him." She said bending back her leg from her knee and pretending to be kissed."

"I've got to get dressed and pack the rest of my things. Can you give me a hand please?" I begged.

"Anything for you bestie—let's blow this Popsicle joint."

Within an hour I was completely packed and we were headed out the door. There was an assembly line full of my family waiting outside on the porch. My dad had his arm wrapped around my mother while she sniffled quietly into her tissue. Grandma Rose stood next to Grandma Evi, holding her hand. Aunt Juanita held a small gift bag in her hand and my brothers; Edward, Peter and Jason were smirking and joking around, as usual. At the very end stood a very somber-looking Richie. The whites of his eyes appeared with a hint of red and his cheeks slightly flushed. I couldn't believe we were actually leaving St. Marys. I had dreamt of this day for years. I reached out and gave my mom and dad quick hugs as they were going with us anyway to help unpack and make sure we were properly settled in. I could hear my mom let out a little sob. I squeezed her a little tighter and kissed her cheek. Next, were my grandmothers, Rose and Evi, best friends also. Even though Evi wouldn't be able to tell you now because of her dementia, in their younger days, those two women ruled the town and had all sorts of mischievous fun together. Rose continued to help my mother look after Evi and would recount the stories of old on hot summer afternoons when my mother was at work and they sat on the front porch—sipping ice tea and staying cool from the heat. I hugged both of my grandmothers and kissed Evi. She kissed me back and smiled, staying silent. Grandma Rose had a death grip on me and whispered in my ear "give em grief in Athens" before laying a quick smooch on me.

Next, came Aunt Juanita. She held up her arms and smiled as she embraced me. "I want you to take this as you start your new journey." I carefully moved the tissue paper from the gift bag and reached inside to find a beautiful chartreuse leather bound book. On the front of it was a large leather stitched dusty-rose colored daisy with a white center. I opened it up to find that it was a journal inscribed with the words 'go and make your own destiny'. I thanked her and gave her one more hug. Next, my brothers, Edward, Peter and Jason picked me up and started to carry me to the car as I screamed and others laughed. With my legs flailing all over the Crawford's stepped out of their pathway while CeCe giggled and yelled "don't drop her on her head." Letting me down in nearly one piece, Richie helped to catch my fall.

Richie looked at me, seriously, and said, "Take lots of pictures, come home soon, have lots of fun—but not too much fun without me. I'm going to miss you Char." He hugged me tightly and whispered "I love you sissy pants" before our brothers picked him up and carried him away yelling "she's got a life Richie, let her go." Cranking his head around, he smiled at me warmly. I knew both CeCe and I would miss Richie dearly.

By this time, Mr. Crawford was ushering Bev into their Rover and CeCe was checking the trunk to make sure her parents remembered all her bags and belongings. I looked around the farm once more. The peaches were fully ripened. From afar I could see the flaming fury's hanging like ornaments on Christmas trees. They got their name for their beautiful red-orange vibrant hues. As the breeze blew gently, I sucked in the sweet aroma of peach nectar. Seeing all of my family, on the porch, watching me off made me smile realizing how lucky I was to have such a great life. The best friend possible by my side, a family that would go to the moon and back for me, and now a guy that made my heart hum and my lips smile, made me feel invincible.

In a few moments we were off and driving towards our tomorrows. Looking behind me, I could see my grandmothers and Aunt Juanita hanging on the front porch. All my brothers, except for Richie, had disappeared off somewhere. He stood leaning against one of the old white wooden posts on the porch, waving. My mom was already busy looking at the map to help navigate my dad to Athens. Meanwhile, CeCe was somewhere up ahead in her parent's vehicle, amongst the truckload of items she felt necessary to bring with us to school. I knew that if I'd forgotten something at home, she was sure to have brought it along. Although I consider myself to be fairly organized, CeCe never skipped a beat remembering all the details when it came to anything exciting, especially college. I decided to lay back and take a nap. I knew it would easily take us at least six hours to get there—not including bathroom stops and lunch. I took my CD player and headphones out of my purse and turned up Jewel. I looked forward to a few hours of quiet so I could close my eyes and see Skylar again. It had only been seven hours since I'd seen him last but it felt like an eternity. I was already dreaming of the next time I'd be in his arms.

His eyes were a sapphire blue and pierced right through me. The intensity of his gaze ran chills up my back. When he looked at me I felt so exposed. I could feel my pulse start to pick up and my breathing slow. With his lip curving slightly up to form a side-ways smile, he communicated so much to me without saying a word. His jaw looked to be chiseled right out of some sort of smooth ivory; it was strong and sculpted perfectly. Like a Greek god, his skin was soft with a hint of sun kissing his dimples. His face was noble and beautiful. Silently, his gaze stayed fixed in my mind. The ends of his ear-length, coffee-colored hair looked like they had been dipped in the sunlight as they shimmered a golden bronze. I loved the way he looked at me with a slightly curved grin I wondered all the things he thought about.

A tickling sensation swept over my face. The more I moved the more it followed me. Suddenly, I heard giggling abruptly disturbing my dreams of Skylar. Opening my eyes, I caught a glimpse of CeCe hovering over me with her feather pen.

"Must have been a good dream—you had a ginormous smile on your face. We're here Char!"

Looking around I could see cars with trunks open all over with parents pouring out of them with bags and all sorts of dorm-room furniture. I spied my parents talking with the Crawford's as I peered out the window. We were here and I couldn't believe it. I must have slept the whole way; I felt like we just left the house moments ago. I had just awoken from the best dream and felt like I was awaking to another one. The campus was bustling with life. I could see girls and guys all over hustling and heaving around totes, chests, and other items with excitement. I couldn't wait to get to our room and start decorating it with all the pieces of home I'd brought with—especially my photographs of CeCe and I and my family. I smiled quickly thinking I needed to get a photo of Skylar up. Then I wondered about when I would see him next. He'd be leaving soon for school overseas. I had hoped to see him before he left. However, it was at least a four hour drive from Athens to Savannah.

"Come on slow bones. We need to get to our room before someone else tries to move in." CeCe said pulling me out of the car.

"Okay, okay. I'm coming."

By this time, CeCe's parents had their arms full of her things. My parents were also pretty well loaded up with my suitcases too. I grabbed my remaining things and we began the trek. As we walked towards the dorms, I caught CeCe's eyes roaming the campus looking at the new prospects. I was surprised that she wasn't doing a happy dance although I figured she was probably waiting for her parents to leave to do that. The campus was full of so many new and young faces. If I remembered correctly, there was only one other person from our class besides CeCe and I going to the University of Georgia this year. The campus was old. It had been founded in 1785 and was dotted with imposing brick buildings with large white pillars, a signature piece of architecture in the south. Grand oak trees, over a hundred years old or more, sprawled the campus. I could hear my mother's excitement for us as she talked with Bev and gazed around the campus. Our fathers made small talk, mostly about sports and weather, as they carried the majority of our things.

"There's Myers Hall." CeCe said, pointing excitedly.

"We are on the second floor." I said as I led the way to the elevator.

We had to take two trips in the elevator with all the stuff we had. Once upstairs, we found our way to the help desk and gathered our keys. CeCe's parents, with CeCe's prompting, ensured we had our own private bath en suite because CeCe didn't want to have to share a bathroom with anyone else, other than me, and even that was tough for an only child like herself.

"I found it." CeCe said, rushing to open the door amidst all the other college kids in the hall, eager to get settled in.

As she opened the door it smelled a little stuffy—like it had been closed up for many months. CeCe dropped her things on the floor and hurried over to the window to bring in the fresh late summer breeze. Once in, I saw two twin beds smaller than the queen-size beds we were use to. The room had a desk for us each, two dressers, and a closet that would be a tight fit for both of us to share. My mother had set down my suitcases next to my bed and took a seat at my desk. Our fathers let out a little sigh as they dropped the mega load they had been toting around the campus. Bev placed CeCe's things on her bed with a bit of a scowl on her face.

"This is much smaller than I remember James." Bev said, scratching her head.

"It's fine mother." CeCe said, with her face still peering out the window.

"How about we get you girls settled in quickly and then take you for an early dinner before we leave?" My mother suggested.

"That's a great idea mom." I said as I turned to squeeze-hug her.

We were settled in a short time later with our fathers doing the majority of the work—pulling out our things from suitcases and hanging up clothes in the closet while us women talked and put up nick-knacks and picture frames. Of course, we could move things around to our liking later. For now we were just trying to get rid of all the bags and things that took up most of the floor space.

We found a nice little neighborhood family-style restaurant within a 10-minute walk from the dorms. CeCe had spied a poster hanging up outside the restaurant about some Delta Delta Delta party going on later and that they were recruiting for new sorority sisters. She had whispered in my ear before sitting down that she wanted to go to the sorority party and to rush at dinner. Her mother had been a _Triple D_. Though she did not want to be like her mother, CeCe had heard good things through the years about their social activism and especially good parties. I figured it would be nice to get out and meet some new people and finally have some peace to call Skylar later—without family lingering around.

I kissed my parents goodbye and hugged my mother about three more times before they left. I hugged Bev and James goodbye too and thanked them for allowing CeCe to keep their SUV for us to use. The Crawford's were riding home with my parents so that CeCe could keep their vehicle to get back and forth to home and school. CeCe hugged her mom and dad and thanked them also. I could see Bev's eyes start to well up bit before she quickly blotted them with her silk handkerchief. Richard Crawford kissed his daughter's forehead and told her with a warm smile on his face, "be good and call if you need anything". He quickly slipped her a credit card and told her to keep it for emergencies.

Suddenly they were off and we were free. Free to be who we wanted to be. We ran, quickly, back to the dorm room and primped in our new bathroom. CeCe turned on some Prince while I looked for clothes to wear to the party. We knew just about every word to every Prince song. CeCe always had a mad crush on him. I loved the way he could dance and how quixotic his music videos were. As we sang, laughed, and got ready for our first night out, a picture of Skylar flashed in my head. I sat down waiting for CeCe to finish up. I felt my breath disappear for a second. I wanted so badly to hear him, to see him, to feel his arms wrapped around me, tightly, again. I reached into my purse and picked up his sweater. I held it to my face, closed my eyes, and laid back on my bed. I could still smell his cologne and inhaled deeply. I found the paper with Skylar's number on it and the words _olive juice_ and picked up the phone in our dorm. Smiling, I took in a deep breath and slowly dialed his number. I was already getting nervous just thinking about hearing his voice in a minute. I hit the last number and waited. I heard the first ring begin and any second I knew he would pick up the phone. I bit my lip in anticipation. Then the second, third, and fourth ring came and I waited for someone to pick up. My heart started to pound. I sat there while the phone rang and rang. There was no voicemail and no one on the other end of the phone. Where was he? I hung up the phone and tucked the paper into my jean's pocket for later. I figured I would find a payphone while we were out and try again, my heart a little sad. He must have been out to dinner with his parents or at the beach.

The Tri Delta house was beautiful and very sophisticated. There were girls and guys all over as we walked through the house. A girl wearing pink, pink, and more pink greeted us in. She was blond and wore hot pink lipstick with a smile the width of her face. She gave us a flyer about the recruitment for this year's Tri Delta sisters. CeCe's face lit up in excitement as she turned towards me. I didn't know much or care about being a sorority sister but CeCe sure did. She grew up hearing stories from her mother and her Godmother whom had been one of her mother's Tri Delta sorority sisters. While CeCe was talking to the girl with hot pink lipstick, my mind wandered back to Skylar. This time last night I was sitting on the deck of a big beautiful beach house, alone and happy, never knowing I was about to meet the man of my dreams. A man, I didn't even knew existed. My heart picked up again and I smiled as I recounted parts of our conversation. Skylar's playfulness and sincerity kept me smiling in my own little world. CeCe was in her element and as happy as a peach to be surrounded by all the things she adored. I was content on the sidelines thinking about Skylar—hoping that later I would get to hear his voice instead of only recalling it in my mind.

"So, Hillary thinks I would be a great candidate for the Tri-Delta. I told her about my mother and she thinks she's heard about her. I believe there's a picture of her hanging up around here somewhere with her sisters and then one of her when she was crowned Miss Georgia." CeCe said giddily.

"Hillary?"

"Or you can call her Pink. She said that's what everyone calls her."

"Oh." I said, looking interested.

"What about you, Char? Are you interested—you know in becoming a Tri Delta?

"I don't know. I think that's more your thing Ce. I'd like to join a writer's guild, maybe."

"That sounds a bit on the boring side, don't cha think Char? We're at college. You can do whatever you want."

"Boring or nerdy? I'm good with nerdy, besides writing's cool." I said, laughing.

"Whatever you call it girlfriend." CeCe said, smiling before pulling my arm towards a group of girls where Pink was standing.

Pink introduced CeCe and I to the sorority sisters standing there and a discussion quickly ensued about all the events that they'd put together for this year. They seemed pretty excited about CeCe—especially after they heard that her mother was not only Miss Georgia Peach1969 but also a Tri Delta. Although Bev could easily grate CeCe's nerves, I could tell that she was secretly very proud of her mother's accomplishments. She was on cloud nine with the girls talking about her and her mother and the good likelihood of her becoming a Tri Delta. I figured that CeCe could handle herself if I snuck off for a few minutes. While she enjoyed her new audience, I slipped away to find a payphone.

As I walked through the house, I saw guys and girls intermingling. Everyone seemed to be having a good time. I was so happy to be here but a part of me felt like it was missing—at least a part of my heart did. All I could think about was Skylar, making it hard to be happy in the moment without him near me. The halls were painted a taupe-gray adorned with large, antiqued wooden picture frames boasting past Tri Delta sisters. After searching several hallways I finally came across a quieter gathering area back by the bedrooms. At the end of the hall I spotted a small alcove with a phone. Ha! Finally, I could call him and have a little privacy other than the muffled background music seeping in from the main living areas.

I took the paper with Skylar's name back out of my pocket and felt a tinge of excitement shoot up my heart and a burst of butterflies took flight. I dialed his number and waited for the operator to tell me how much money to put in. Sixty-five cents for three minutes I heard the automated operator say. I quickly pulled some coins out of my purse and shoved them into the payphone. I waited for the dial tone and held my breath longing to hear his voice.

The phone rang once, twice. Suddenly, somebody picked up the phone on the other end and I felt my voice go shaky.

"Hi, is Skylar there?" I asked, politely, trying to cover my excitement and nervousness.

"Hola, Skylar no está aquí." I heard the voice on the other end say.

How I wished I knew Spanish. I opted for art and writing classes, in high school, instead of a foreign language. I knew she said hi but I thought she said no Skylar here. I grasped for some sort of understanding. Skylar and his parents were not Hispanic. What number had I just called? Maybe I dialed the wrong number. I said thank you and hung up the phone quickly, knowing I must have misdialed the number. I thumbed around for some more coins, in my purse, before, carefully, looking at the paper again. I was starting to panic a bit. The first time I called no one answered and now some Hispanic woman answered the number I dialed. I slowly picked the phone back up and dialed each number, one-by-one, cautious not to punch in the wrong number.

The automated operator came on once more and asked for another sixty-five cents. I wondered if that was just the going rate for phone calls from this area. I quickly deposited the coins into the phone and waited for the dial tone. The phone began to ring and again I felt the anticipation rise in my chest.

"Hola, beunos noches." The person on the other end of the phone said.

Was someone playing a joke on me?

"Hello, my name is Char, I mean Lucy. Is Skylar there?" I asked urgently.

"Hola, no Skylar aquí." Again, the voice said no Skylar.

"My name's Lucy, I need to get a hold of Skylar. Does Skylar live there? I need to speak with him." I said, becoming alarmed now more than ever.

"Lo siento, yo hable no englis." The female voice replied.

Again, I said "thank you" and hung up the phone, crushed. What number had he given me? I burst into tears, wondering if the words he told me were real or just something he said to every girl he wanted to have sex with. This couldn't be happening to me. Was I just too naive? I didn't—no—I couldn't think this of him. He was real and I know he meant what he said to me. He wasn't like all the other guys I'd known. Why had he given me the wrong number? Did he accidently transpose a number? He loved God. He loved his family. He couldn't have been lying to me. He just didn't seem like that kind of person. The tears started to flow harder as I thought of the possibilities of why he had given me the wrong number, trying to rectify it in my head. I had given him all of me. Where was he? Why had he done this? I kept wondering.

"Char, where have you been?" I heard CeCe behind me, in a giddy voice.

As I turned around, with tears silently falling, CeCe's smile quickly left her face.

"Sweetie, what's wrong?" She said, giving me a hug.

"I've called Skylar three times and I can't get a hold of him and I don't think I'll ever be able to." I said as I tried to hold back more tears from falling.

"How do you know? What happened?

"The first time I called him, no one answered. Then I called again and a Spanish-speaking woman answered the phone and I'm pretty sure she said there was no Skylar there. I dialed the number again because I thought I misdialed it but then the same woman answered and said there was no Skylar there." I began to cry steadily now.

"How could he have done that to me CeCe? I gave him everything."

She hugged me and said quietly, "I know honey", as she stroked the back of my head.

"Char, maybe something happened. From everything you've told me about him he doesn't seem like the type of person to do that."

"I know, but why would he give me someone else's number?"

"Didn't you give him your phone number too Char?"

"Yeah, I did, but it's my number at home."

"So, before we both light him on fire let's see if he calls your parents."

"Okay, but he better call. CeCe, I think I love him and I know it's totally ridiculous but I've never felt this way about anyone. If he never calls I don't know what I'll do." I paused. "Oh CeCe, I'm sorry—this was supposed to be our first night out and I'm ruining it."

"Charlotte," CeCe said in a stern motherly voice, "we have four years to party. One night is not ruining any of it. Besides, I think I'm in with the Tri Delta's. I still have to go through all the rigmarole but honestly I don't think they would let this Betty go!"

"CeCe that's wonderful. Your mother will be very proud of you."

She smiled and waited a moment. "Come on Char. I snuck my mom's copy of Pretty Woman with me. We have Mountain Dew, Twizzler's and Reese cups back at the room. We could snuggle and watch it?"

"Are you sure? I don't want you to have to leave. I know this is important to you."

"Charlotte Renee Buchanan, you're coming with me. CeCe said as she grabbed my arm and stopped abruptly, cupping her hand up to her ear. "What's that?" CeCe said, giggling. "Oh! Richard Gere is calling our name," she said as she smiled and looked straight at me, "and we can't disappoint him."

How I loved CeCe. She was the best medicine for some of the hardest times in my life.

Chapter 6: Sick in Love

Weeks had passed and I hadn't heard anything from Skylar. I called my mom several times a day for the first two weeks to see if he had called but he hadn't my mother apologized. He had left my life as quickly as he entered it. CeCe was a good friend about it all. She would try to get me to go to various Tri Delta gatherings and to the sports center telling me I'd feel better if I got out. But nothing made me feel better. I just wanted to be left alone. My mood was like a roller coaster. One minute I was mad—the next I was crying and sad and then, came the loneliness. And finally, the reality set in that I would never see Skylar again and I felt hopeless and betrayed.

I was tired all the time. I'd lie in bed until the very last minute and then got dressed to head to class. Maybe once a day I'd eat if I felt like it; sometimes I just forgot or slept through meals. I was heartbroken and my body knew it. I started feeling weak and queasy with any strange smells. When I managed to get up long enough to brush my teeth, I vomited, gagged by my toothbrush. Several times I had to run to the toilet with puke already sitting in my throat. All I wanted to do was sleep—hoping I would feel better although nothing helped my heart. I snuggled up to Skylar's sweater, his scent barely remaining. As much as I wished I could see him—that things were different—I began to think it would have been better to never have met him. At least that way I wouldn't know the pain and emptiness of a life without him. The more I thought about him the sadder I felt. I was paralyzed. And I was afraid if I tried to move on it would mean that part of my life was over, indefinitely. I didn't want to hurt anymore but my heart wasn't ready to let him go.

"Do I feel warm CeCe?"

With her hand on my forehead she said, "no, but you look pale. How long have you been sick now?" She asked.

"I don't know, at least a week maybe. I just feel so weak sometimes and I can't stop throwing up."

CeCe looked at me seriously. "Char, you've been throwing up, tired, and nauseous for the last week."

"I know."

"Char, I don't want to say it, but."

"But what?" I blurted out. "Just say it."

CeCe cautiously waited a moment. "It's been five weeks since that night and you started getting sick only about a week ago. You could be pregnant."

Speechless, the thought hadn't crossed my mind. We were careful. We used protection and it was only once. There was no way I could be pregnant.

"You said he used a condom that had been in his wallet for three years. Maybe it broke. Did you see it before he buried it in the sand?"

"No, I didn't ask to see it." I said, frowning at CeCe in disgust.

"I'm sorry Char. I wasn't trying to upset you." CeCe quickly offered up.

"I'm sorry Ce—I didn't mean to snap at you. I just don't feel good. I'm stressed, I'm mad and being pregnant right now is not part of my plan...unless there's a dog, a ring and Skylar. My parents would kill me."

"I'm sure you're not pregnant Char. But if you want I'll go with you to get a pregnancy test and then you can cross that off your list and see the campus clinic for whatever this is." CeCe proposed.

"Okay, but I'm wearing sunglasses and your pink hoodie. I don't want anyone to recognize me." I admitted feeling embarrassed.

"Maybe I'll wear my fake mustache." CeCe said goofing around.

"Cecilia Kathryn, this is serious." I said as I threw a pillow at her, barely missing her head.

This was the first time I left the dorm room, in weeks, other than to go to classes or the cafeteria. As we crossed the campus to get to the closest drug store I noticed that some of the trees started to turn a lemony-yellow. I hadn't really taken notice of the surroundings since the day we got here. While we walked arm-in-arm a fresh woody smell, like that of trees after the rain, lingered in the air. I loved the south. Here and there other college kids walked past us. I missed being in the outdoors and realized that my life had come to a halt these last five weeks. I knew that I had to do something. I couldn't keep burying myself in bed all day. It wasn't what I came here for and I was being a terrible friend despite my heartbreak. CeCe had been trying to encourage me all along while I pushed her away so I could wallow in my sadness.

"It's this way." CeCe said discretely as she ushered us threw the pharmacy door and towards the aisle with pregnancy tests.

I hadn't been near this section before. I never thought I'd suddenly find myself in the aisle with birth control products like pregnancy and ovulation tests beside it. Trying to conspicuously look and read the boxes to find the best and preferably least expensive pregnancy test I scanned the shelf in front of me. There were so many to choose from. One promised that it could detect pregnancy earlier than all the other pregnancy test brands. Most of them said results in five minutes or less. That would be the longest 5 minutes of my life. Some had plus signs as if to signify me plus one to show a positive result. Others had lines, two lines pregnant, one line not. I was counting on one line. I was too young to be a mother, especially an unmarried mother.

"I think this one's your best bet." CeCe whispered in my ear.

"It has two tests just in case it's wrong, has a plus sign, and you'll know in three minutes if you're pregnant or free." She said turning towards me with her fake black mustache suddenly appearing above her upper lip.

"Oh good gravy CeCe." I stepped back, taking the box from her. "Let's go."

We were back in the dorm room fifteen minutes later. I took the test and started towards the bathroom.

"Do you want me to go in with you?" CeCe asked.

"Not unless you want to hold the stick." I said, closing the door behind me.

"Okay, that's all you. I'll be right here waiting—right outside the door if you need me."

I sat down and took the test out of the package. I removed the cap on the end of the stick and said a prayer. I pleaded to God to please let me not be pregnant. I asked him for forgiveness for doing something I now knew that I shouldn't have done with Skylar. I hoped he heard me and would have mercy on me. I had a plan for everything but being pregnant at 18 was not part of it. I put the stick down and peed. I finished and placed the cap back on over the tester part. I flushed the toilet and put the test on the back of the toilet; I didn't want to see anything it had to show me yet. I opened the door and was suddenly face-to-face with CeCe.

"What'd it say?" She asked grimacing.

"I don't know; I haven't looked at it yet."

"Char, you have to read it."

"I don't think I can. I'm afraid." I said, starting to tear up.

"The result won't change; whatever it is." She said carefully. "What are you going to do if you're pregnant?"

"I don't know. I haven't let myself think about that."

"Would you keep the baby?

"Of course I would. I don't want to be a mother now. But if I am—I don't want anyone else to have my baby."

"Oh." CeCe said softly. "What about school?"

"I don't know. I don't know what I'll do. I guess I didn't think about it."

"What about Skylar?"

"What about him? I have no way to get a hold of him. And obviously, he doesn't care enough to call and see how I'm doing. Or maybe call and see if he got me, I don't know, pregnant." I said starting to feel the hurt and anger build up again.

"Do you want me to read the results?" CeCe asked gently, with her arm on my back.

"Yes. No. Wait." I said as I took a deep breath in. "Yes."

CeCe walked into the bathroom and picked up the stick. She paused a moment before turning around. I kept my eyes closed and started to cry harder. I didn't want to see her face because I knew I'd be able to tell the results by looking at her and I could barely breathe thinking what might happen next.

"Char, it's positive."

Chapter 7: A Clearer Picture

The next few weeks were a blur. I was still in shock and didn't know what I was going to do. I wanted to become a writer more than anything. Now, I didn't know if that would ever happen. I thought about Trudy and how she got pregnant and stuck, permanently, in St. Marys. I didn't know how I'd tell my parents—or even when I'd work up the courage to tell them. They loved me so much and believed in me. I didn't want to embarrass them or let them down. I felt like such a failure. I always listened to them and did the right thing. I couldn't imagine telling them the whole story. It was starting to turn into a Jerry Springer episode titled 'where's the daddy'. I felt like an idiot. And other than CeCe I was alone in this. I hadn't told Richie either and knew I needed to tell him next. I figured that he would help me tell our parents at least.

I continued to attend classes, sick and pale. My appetite got a little better and I started eating everything in sight. I craved the craziest foods like; applesauce, ranch dressing and chicken...all together. CeCe would bring me large jars of applesauce after her classes. She persuaded me to go to the campus clinic even though I was afraid they would call my parents if they found out I were pregnant. CeCe reassured me they couldn't do that because of privacy laws—something she knew of because of her parent's conversations about their cases around the home. My parents were going to find out eventually; I just didn't know how to tell them yet and didn't want them hearing from someone else. At the clinic, I met with a young-looking female doctor. I had to pee in a cup and sit through my first pelvic exam—very uncomfortable. She was very nice though and asked me if I had told my parents yet. I confided that I hadn't and that I wasn't sure how to tell them. She explained that I had options: parenting the baby, adopting the baby or aborting the pregnancy. I heard her but my mind was overwhelmed and it started to drift. I didn't know how I was going to raise a baby on my own. I didn't have a job. My parents and scholarships supported me right now. How was I going to pay for diapers and formula? Where was I going to get money to pay for the baby's clothing, let alone to have the baby? For a second the idea of abortion popped into my head. No one would know, except CeCe and me. I could continue school. But this thing—this baby was growing inside of me getting bigger every day. I didn't know how to be a mother and I surely did not want to become one at 18 but this was a part of me and I had already made enough mistakes. I didn't want to make any more that I would regret for a lifetime.

As I drifted back to the conversation I heard the doctor say, "Go ahead and lie back. This may feel a little cold." She pulled out a clear-looking squirt bottle with a light blue gel inside. I pulled up my shirt and she squirted a lemon-sized amount of gel on my lower stomach. It was cold. She pulled out a small scanner-looking instrument and placed it on my stomach, on top of the gel. She pulled the over-head monitor closer to her and I and began to rub the scanner over my belly. The screen, which looked like a black and white fuzzy television station, with no reception, showed a circular black mass on it. Inside the circle was a tiny, round-oval shape.

"Here we go. Here is your baby, she pointed. This is the head and she has a nice little spine right there." The doctor said smiling.

"It's a she?" I asked curiously.

"Well, actually, the baby's too small to identify the gender yet. You usually can't tell that until you are about 16-20 weeks along." She said as she continued to scan this tiny person.

"Here's the beginning of her feet and her arm buds." She said, pointing to two separate circles on the screen.

That was my baby. I had seen my baby for the first time. It was real and growing. I couldn't help but cry. I was so scared about how I would tell my parents; how I'd raise a baby on my own and how I'd finish school. But at that moment, I was so overcome with emotion. I couldn't explain it except for maybe unconditional love. I didn't know what I was going to do, but somehow, some way, I was going to be a mom to this little person wiggling around in my belly. I smiled and placed a hand near my stomach.

"It looks like your due date is June seventh." The doctor said as she pulled out some tissue paper to wipe the gel off my belly.

"Everything looks fine but you need to make a decision soon. Whatever you do, you will need the support of family. Here is a picture of the ultrasound that you can take with you. Also, if you decide to keep the baby, you will need to set up an appointment to meet with an OBGYN—a doctor who specializes in monitoring you and your baby's health. Your nausea is normal but hopefully will subside by the end of the first trimester. You'll want to take a prenatal vitamin, daily, for you and your baby's health. Those are over-the-counter and you should get those right away no matter what you decide to do. And these will help with the nausea you're feeling." She said handing me a small bottle of pills.

As I walked out of the exam room to the lobby I spotted CeCe flipping through a magazine. She hadn't noticed I had stepped out yet. I came over and tapped her on the shoulder and she jumped up.

"So?" She asked inquisitively.

"So, it went as best as it could. I have a picture too." I whispered to her.

"You have to show me."

"I will—back at the room. She gave me some pills for the nausea and said everything looked good." I quietly told her as we walked out the door.

Back in our dorm room, we sat quietly starring at mini me.

"It looks like a tadpole." CeCe said, pointing at the picture.

"Are you calling my baby a frog?"

"Yes, I'm calling your baby a frog." CeCe said sarcastically. "No, I'm not calling him a frog."

Chapter 8: Thanksgiving with The Buchanan's

I was now 12 weeks pregnant and nearing the end of my first trimester. I found out from, Tania, one of the social workers at the campus health clinic, that I could apply for Medicaid since I was a single mother with no income of my own. She helped me apply and reassured me that the insurance would not notify my parents of any of my healthcare appointments. She also helped me identify an OBGYN that would take my Medicaid. I was thankful for her help. I had no idea where to start but she helped me figure out a plan and provided me with encouragement, laughter, and the resources I needed to start preparing for my baby. By this time I had already seen the OBGYN once and had lost nine pounds, which he said was normal in the first trimester because of all the nausea making it difficult to eat and keep food down. My boobs were getting bigger which I was pretty happy about since I'd always been tiny and my brothers teased me calling me flat Char.

I still hadn't told my parents or Richie or anyone else. We were leaving for home later and I was starting to panic all over again thinking about how I was going to tell them. It would be a long car ride home contemplating what I would say. I was scared to tell my dad. I knew he would be mad. I was embarrassed to tell my parents for fear of disappointing them. They worked hard to send us to school and now I had wasted their money. I didn't think I could keep going to school or at least stay in the dorm with a baby. And I couldn't imagine raising the baby six hours away from home, without their help and guidance, either. I knew nothing about raising a baby. I was the baby in my family.

"So, what are you going to say to them?" CeCe asked as she drove by the late sun-lit soybean fields.

"I don't know yet. I've been rehearsing the things I'd say to them over and over again in my mind but nothing seems to come out right. No matter what I say, they're going to be mad. I've always been the good girl and I don't even know how I can face them."

"Do you want me to tell them that some famous Hollywood celebrity knocked you up?"

"CeCe!"

"I was just kidding; unless you want me to."

"CeCe!"

"Okay, okay. I won't say a word; unless you want me to."

"Thanks Ce. I'll manage it, I guess."

Pulling into my driveway that night I could feel my heart start to race but not the kind of race that made you feel woozy like Skylar had that night. The kind of racing feeling that makes you feel suddenly sick and scared to death. My mother was the first person I saw running out to the front porch. I hadn't seen her since they dropped us off that first day of college. I tried to keep it cool on the phone so she didn't pick up on anything. I was so happy to see her face. I needed my mom now more than ever but I still couldn't figure out what I would say to her. I was hoping to tell Richie first so he could help me tell our parents as he always had a way of deflecting stressful situations.

"Charlotte Renee, I've missed you so much!" My mother said loudly as she slapped a big kiss on my cheek and hugged me tightly.

"Come here CeCe. I need a big kiss before you leave. I know your parents are dying to see you." My mother said opening her arms to embrace CeCe too.

"Are you talking about my parents?" CeCe said jokingly.

"Okay, you smarty pants! I've seen your mother and your father at church and she's driving your dad nuts. I didn't say that though. Your dad told Richard and I that when she went to congratulate Father John on a good mass last Sunday. She misses you CeCe—more than you know." My mother said, squeezing her.

Smiling smugly, CeCe walked in with me and my mother. We were quickly welcomed by my grandmothers and Richie as they plummeted towards us at breakneck speed.

"Give CeCe some love—she's got to get home before Bev drives over here." My mother announced.

I stood by the sidelines as my Grandma Rose and Richie tackled CeCe with hugs. Grandma Evi came over by me and smiled, remaining quiet. I hugged her and immediately felt a sweet warmth fill my heart. With no words left to say, because of the effects of her dementia, her presence spoke highly about the woman she was—the kind and nurturing mother and grandmother I grew up knowing and missed. She finished high school but never went on to college despite being Valedictorian of her class. My mother and Grandma Rose said that a girl who finished high school then, was very successful. Many women did not finish high school back then and rarely did any of them go to college. When I was small I loved to cuddle up with my Evi, as I called her, to listen to her stories. She had the most fantastic imagination that took you to a place you'd never read about and make you wish you never left. She was an avid reader and a lover of knowledge. Her stories were new and exciting. They painted a vividness brighter than any movie I'd ever seen. Like my mother, she taught us that kindness was the best legacy one could leave in this lifetime. She knew what grace was and exuded it in the face of adversity. She laughed when things got tough and kept going. As I hugged her I silently prayed for some of her courage to help me through these next few days. When I pulled away she smiled and giggled, before finding a seat at the kitchen table.

"CeCe, you are more than welcome to come over for Thanksgiving dinner if your mother burns the turkey again." My mother said walking CeCe to the door.

"And if she orders Chinese—I will definitely be over for some of your turkey and stuffing." CeCe said.

"Absolutely, and bring your parents. Your poor dad should have at least one good home-cooked meal." My mother said with a faint smile on her face.

Things were back to normal. It was as if nothing had changed. I was home and comforted by the familiarity of my surroundings. I laid down on one of the sofas and relaxed a moment. I figured I didn't have to tell them right away. I would tell them before I left. I just wanted to relax and for once forget about the last 12 weeks. It was good to be home. I knew my mother would be cooking real food for me while I was home for Thanksgiving break and my nausea was finally starting to lesson. I could sleep in my soft bed and catch up with Richie about everything happening around town. I wasn't showing yet and had started to feel better. I figured this was a good vacation for me. I didn't have to worry about exams or the little person growing in my belly, for now.

"Richie, take your sister's bags upstairs." My mother hollered from inside the kitchen.

"Why? What's wrong with her two legs?"

Suddenly, I became paranoid. Had she noticed anything different about me? I could take my own bags upstairs. Why did she ask him to carry my bags?

"Richard Henry be the gentleman we taught you to be." She said leaning around the corner to eyeball him.

"Fine, fine—I just had to harass her a little. Of course, I'll take her bags upstairs. She's my favorite sister."

"I'm your only sister, Richie." I said pushing him up the stairs.

"Oh that's right. But you could also be my least favorite—but you're not."

"Ugh! Richie, I missed you—you little devil. You have to tell me all the gossip I missed."

"That's fine but you have to tell me about college life and all the parties you're going to take me too when I visit." Richie said as he plopped my bags onto my bedroom floor.

Suddenly, a white bottle launched from my purse and rolled onto the floor just feet from Richie.

"I'll get it. Sorry about that." Richie lurched.

Realizing quickly after seeing the baby on the white bottle that my prenatal vitamins had flung out of my purse I quickly reached for it, trying desperately to grab it before Richie. Unfortunately, he got to it first. Picking up the bottle and focusing on the picture I hoped he'd miss; he looked at me dumbfounded.

"Are these yours?"

With my mouth gapping open, I nodded my head yes.

"Char," our mother yelled as she came up the stairs. "Just dump your dirty clothes in the hamper. I'm sure you'll want them clean before you leave."

Looking frantically at Richie and the bottle in his hands, I motioned for him to toss it in the closet before mom came in. Silently shocked, he ditched it in a stack of clothes in the closet while I tried to look normal.

"I really missed you honey; I'm so glad your home." She said as she came in my bedroom to give me another hug.

"I missed you too mom." I said with her back facing Richie.

"You feel skinnier. I'm going to need to fatten you up before you leave."

Richie tilted his head to the side, his lips pouting, silently rubbing his belly in a circular motion.

Threatening him with my killer gaze, I replied "Yes mom, I'm sure your food will help fatten me up."

"Okay, I'm done being mushy. I just missed you so much. You two need to be downstairs in ten minutes for dinner." She said, giving me a quick peck on my cheek before heading towards the door.

I walked over to Richie after she left the room. I waited a moment until I could hear her footsteps going down the stairs and then jabbed Richie in the arm.

"Ouch! What's that for?"

"You know what for. What if she turned around and saw you?" I said trying to keep my voice down because I knew my mother had ears that could hear a whisper a mile away.

"So, what in the world happened?" Richie asked curiously. "When and with who?"

Questions kept spewing from his mouth. By this time he had made himself comfortable on my bed and was demanding answers.

"It wasn't that boy that you met at the party before you left for Athens—was it? The one you keep asking mom whether or not he called. Is it? I'll hunt him down and hurt him." Richie said growing quickly frustrated.

"Yes, but."

"What?" Richie interrupted before I could shush him.

"Did he ever call you Char?"

"No, I haven't been able to get a hold of him."

"What a prick-good-for-nothing!"

"Richie," I whispered. "I'm scared but it's going to be okay; I hope."

"When are you due?"

"June seventh. I went to the doctor and she said everything looks great. She even gave me a picture from the ultrasound. He looks like he's waving at me."

"It's a he? You should name him Richie."

"Nah, I don't know if it's a boy. I won't know until he's between 16-20 weeks along."

"What are you going to tell mom and dad? Dad's going to kill you. Well he'll wait until the baby's born."

"Ouch!" Richie yelled again as I jabbed him in the shoulder causing him to crumble into the bed.

"I don't know yet. I'm hoping that maybe you could tell them with me? I don't know what to say and if you're there—I won't be so scared."

"What are you going to do about school?" He asked.

"I don't know. I need to tell them first and then figure out the rest. I imagine I'm going to have to come home. I don't think I can live so far away from them with a baby on my own."

"Hey, you should talk to Trudy—she's always asking about you two anyways. She misses her best customers. She'll be able to help."

"I know I thought about her after I found out. I love Trudy but I'm afraid that if I drop out of school, I'll be stuck in St. Marys for the rest of my life while everyone else is living the dream."

"Char, Trudy's happy."

"Maybe that's good for her but that's not what I want for me. I'm scared that I'll never get to travel the world let alone finish school. I'm having this baby but I feel like my world's stopped. I'm going to be a single mom at 19. This baby's never going to know his dad—we'll be poor."

"Char, I know you. You are not the type of person to sit back and watch from the sidelines. You will finish what you started and you will reach your dreams. I know you will."

"Thanks Richie. I know I'm doing the right thing but it doesn't help me feel like any less of a failure or a big fat let-down for mom and dad."

"They're going to be mad—dad's going to be very mad but they'll always love you Char. And when that baby comes, he or she will be the cutest thing ever and they'll forget how angry they were."

Smiling dimly, his words helped. They were true and spoken from his heart. I still couldn't help but feel panicky about how on earth I'd tell them and how things would go after that. I knew things would change drastically. I considered myself fairly mature for my age but this would force me to leave my childhood behind permanently. I wasn't ready for that just yet. As long as I kept quiet I could enjoy another month before I had to face the truth and my parents. I resigned myself to secrecy about the pregnancy until I came home for good at Christmas break. At least that way I could say I completed one semester of college.

Dinner that night was wonderful. It was as if nothing had changed and all things were good. I sat back and listened to stories that occurred while I was away at college—more mischief my brothers got into. My mom kept smiling at me and bragging to Grandma Rose and Aunt Juanita about my straight A's I got this semester. If only she knew how sick I'd been she would have been shocked that I was able to keep them up. My dad was, as always, enjoying the food and listening to the shenanigans my brothers boasted about. It felt good to be home again. I hoped it would be this way when they found out. I was worried that things would change—that they would look at me differently after everyone knew. I didn't want to think about that anymore. As I sat and listened, my mind went off in another direction. I took a seat in an empty chair at the back of my mind; a place where I still dreamt of Skylar. It was dusty and I could see only his crystal blue eyes clearly. I remembered his soft sculpted jaw line and his perfect supple lips. My breathing slowed again and I relaxed. I had to catch myself from tearing up so no one noticed. Even with the hurt he caused me, I still longed to have him back in my life. This baby would be the next closest thing to him.

Chapter 9: Christmas Surprises

Thanksgiving break had come and gone so quickly. We were back at school now, and prepping for semester finals. I was knee deep in books and eating everything in sight. My appetite had finally returned and my mouth was like a magnet—picking up anything that was edible. I had been back to see the OBGYN again and had regained the nine pounds I'd lost and found two more somewhere else. Although I hadn't grown a bump yet I knew it wouldn't be long. After finals, I would have no choice but to tell my parents since I wouldn't be returning to Athens again, except to visit CeCe—if my dad didn't put me on house-arrest. At least Richie knew, making it a little easier knowing that CeCe wasn't the only person supporting me in this. He was so sweet and in the two weeks following Thanksgiving break he sent me two care packages loaded with chocolate and People magazines—two things I enjoyed.

CeCe had been successfully accepted into the Tri Delta sorority and was elated. I was happy for her but saw less of her now that she was expected to attend sorority events, meetings, and hang out with her new sisters. She remained very supportive but a piece of me was a little envious of her. She had the rest of her life to reach her dreams with no obstacles in her way. She was liked by everyone there and began talking more and more about funny stories that happened when she was with her Tri Deltas. She was enjoying life and had no concern in the world other than what she was going to wear to the next house party. I smiled and listened to her stories while in my head I told myself how unfair this picture was. I had always been the good girl, did the right thing, and followed the rules. The one time I lose my head and give into temptation I end up screwing up my whole life. CeCe had broken numerous rules and laughed about it while she decided what shade of lipstick looked best. I loved her to pieces but I just couldn't figure out why this was happening to me. I didn't deserve to be put on the sidelines of life. I didn't even kill spiders when everyone else shrieks and throws a shoe at em. I, at least, had the decency to put em in a glass and throw em outside—so they could live and be free.

It wasn't CeCe's fault that any of this happened, I told myself. She would be hurt if she could hear my thoughts. I was frustrated and probably a little angry with myself too. I was angry that I was naïve and dumb enough to fall for a joke on me.

I troughed through and kept my thoughts to myself. I finished up the semester with a 4.0. CeCe worked really hard and got a 2.9. She helped me pack up my things and didn't want me to carry anything heavy. She got some of her new fraternity brothers to help us load up her parent's SUV. She agreed to let me keep a few things in her vehicle until I worked up the nerve to tell my parents. I didn't want them to ask questions upon my arrival as to why I brought all my things back. After everything was packed I asked CeCe for a moment alone in our room. I also didn't want to see any of our friends in the hall. I didn't want to have to tell them I got knocked up and had to drop out of college and that's why I'm not coming back. CeCe made sure no one was around so I could have a few minutes of peace before sneaking down to the SUV. I sat quietly on my bare bed. I had stripped the sheets and now only the bones of the bed appeared just as empty as it did the day we moved in. Except then, it promised a future of good things—a foundation of which to build on. Now, it was a reminder of what my future would be like, empty and dull. A tear streamed down my cheek and I felt a sting of pain in my head. I had worked so hard to get here and now one night had taken it all away. I spoke out loud "God is this it? Is this all my life has for me, nothing?" I began to get angry again; I could feel a tinge of resentment build up. I decided to leave; I didn't want to make this any harder than it already was for me. I had a tough road ahead and to cause myself any more mental anguish was not good for me...or the baby.

The long drive home kept me quiet. I watched the barren fields as we drove by. They had already been harvested and nothing but a few stalks remained, here and there. Small sleepy towns snuck by us as we made our way home. The sky was a drab grey and nothing spoke of life or the happiness I once knew. As we got closer to home, my heart picked up. I didn't have to tell them the minute I came home but I needed to tell them soon. From my profile, my belly now protruded a small bump. I figured I'd wear my over-sized University of Georgia hoodie until I managed to tell them. It and sweats were the most comfortable clothes I had at this point. Most of my jeans had gotten to snug to wear and I didn't have the extra money to be buying new ones until I absolutely had to. I needed to save the little remaining money I had left over, which had been reserved for school, for the baby.

As usual, my mother was waiting on the porch, waving, with a smile a mile wide, and her dimples a mile deep. She looked so happy to see us. I felt my heart thump heavier and heavier. I needed to be careful when I hugged her so she didn't feel the baby bump, just yet. Walking out on the porch next was Richie patting his belly with both hands.

"What is he doing?" CeCe asked, as she spotted him.

"I don't know but I'm going to kill him. He is having too much fun with this while I am freaked beyond all get out." I said feeling my heart in my throat at this point.

"Well let me know when you tell them. I can always come and pick you up and we can go to Trixie Rox if you need to get out. Besides, it'll be good to see Tru and have some chocolate milkshakes and cheesy fries. Actually, I read something that said that babies need chocolate and cheese to grow strong and healthy."

"You mean dairy products?"

"Yea, maybe something like that. It's all the same." She nodded again.

"Okay CeCe, thanks for the baby advice. That sounds good—I'm craving chocolate and cheese fries sound really good."

"Just call me then. I will help you with the bags—do not pick up the heavy ones." She demanded.

"Okay, fine."

"Hi, Mrs. Buchanan! Richie can you come and get Char's bags?" CeCe said, smiling with her arms open to hug both of them.

"Hi girls, I'm so glad you're home. We have a whole month now before you have to go back. CeCe, you'll have to come over for some peach pie. I made one for you to take home to your parents and more so you'll come back over here before you leave again." My mother said, beaming.

Richie hugged me tightly and felt the baby bump push up against his belly. He pulled back and smiled. "Mom, I think Char's finally gained some weight."

"Good, she needed to—Miss Skinny Bones," my mother said, hugging me tightly.

I pressed my chest into her hug and tried to suck in my tummy so she didn't notice anything different, other than my bigger boobs. She slapped a few kisses on me and then took my hand, dragging me inside, leaving Richie to bring everything else in. He deserved it for his comments that reminded me what the nausea felt like—that stinker.

Though Christmas was still a week away my mother had already begun making cookies and special pastries. She and I loved Christmas. It was our time to spend together, in the kitchen, making mouth-watering confections that were irresistible. I knew how to cook a few things that my mom taught me but I was a much better baker. I had very fond memories of her, Evi, and I in the kitchen, singing and rolling out cookie dough while sweet-smelling aromas drifted through the house, luring my father and brothers for a taste. I wished I could go back to those times. They were good times when I didn't have to worry about a baby on the way, how I was going to tell my parents about my one-night stand that's making them young grandparents and when Evi held me in her lap and told me fairy tales that made everything magical.

I picked up a shortbread cookie, freshly frosted with lemon icing. It fell apart in my mouth and the lemon glaze oozed with citrusy goodness. As fast as I swallowed the cookie, I picked up two more indulgences—this time a chocolate hazelnut espresso cookie and a chocolate truffle. The truffle was like chocolate silk running down my throat. It was smooth and creamy. I loved anything with hazelnuts and chocolate, however, the coffee flavor grabbed my attention. I had slowly been getting more energy over the last few weeks. Drinking coffee, something I rarely did before, helped give me an extra boost. I decided to search for a cup to grab some coffee when my mother looked at me strangely. I found a half pot, of what smelled like French Roast, on the warmer.

"Since when did you start drinking coffee?" My mother asked.

"Since I had to stay up late studying, really hard to make that 4.0 you were bragging about at Thanksgiving."

"Ahhh, that makes sense. I didn't start drinking coffee until I had the twins and then that was the only thing that gave me enough fuel to keep up with those crazy boys." She said smiling.

"You let me know what kind you like and I will make sure to get some for you to take back to school." She said while rolling out some dough for rainbow colored pinwheel cookies.

"Thanks mom." I said holding the cup up to my mouth trying to not make direct eye contact.

I shuddered to think about my mom and dad's response to learn of their only, unwed, daughter's pregnancy—with their first grandbaby. The coffee, black, tasted good and helped to clear the remaining bits of chocolate and hazelnuts in my mouth.

"Ah ha! There's my girl!" My father said warmly as he came in briskly to welcome me home.

"Coffee? That's a new development." He questioned as he reached down to hug me and kiss my forehead.

"It helps keep her 4.0 GPA honey. I already told her that we would be happy to send her back with a few cases." My mother smiled as she rolled the pinwheel dough into some cellophane to freeze.

"Huh. Didn't you start drinking coffee when you were pregnant Suez?" He looked at her and then at me as he stuffed a cookie in his mouth. "Are you pregnant Char?" He said, looking serious before breaking a smile and laughing.

"Richard! Don't mess with Char. She just got through with finals." She frowned.

Barely breathing, I managed a forced smile. "Dad! Gees'! I just got home."

He hugged my neck, again, before grabbing two more cookies and leaving for the living room.

That night I lay in bed rehearsing my script. I had thought about it every night since I found out I was pregnant. I almost wished I would have said something when he was teasing me earlier since he was in a good mood. I rolled over and propped a little pillow under my belly bump. My curtains were drawn and I could see hints of the moon peering in. My mind wandered back to that night. It was all a memory now—one that was fading quickly. At times, I could still make out his face. My mind was better at recalling his words and how I felt with him. I wondered if the baby would look like him, maybe his smile or his eyes. I felt my heart sink as I thought about where he might be tonight. Who was he with? Was he okay? Did something happen to him—is that why I never heard back from him? Is he still alive? These questions and many more ran through my thoughts as I watched the clouds pass over the moon which was now coming into full view from where I lay in bed. Maybe, he would come back and look for me. He knew I lived in St. Marys and everyone knew me. They didn't know Lucy, though, the name I told him that night. I should have told him my real name when I had the chance. I knew he was overseas if he were still alive. He would be at school now but what if he came back for the holidays? They had a beach house somewhere outside of St. Marys. They could come back for Christmas.

When I was young and lying in bed at night I'd pretend to be Sleeping Beauty and that my Prince Charming was searching all over the woods before finding me asleep in my bed. I pretended that all my stuffed animals, tucked in with me, were the animals of the forest keeping watch. Prince Charming would come to my bedside and tell me how much he loved me. He told me that he wanted to spend his _forever_ with me. I pretended that he kissed me and I awoke with a smile. Now, more than ten years later, I wished that my _real_ Prince Charming would come find me. That he'd tell me that he had searched high and low for his true love. I closed my eyes and envisioned a happily ever after with Skylar.

I awoke the morning of Christmas Eve to a light frost on the windows. I could hear clatter coming from downstairs. I had been home for over a week and hadn't worked up the nerve to tell my parents. I had made an appointment, while I was still in Athens, to meet with an OBGYN the week after Christmas. I needed to tell my parents before then. I was going to need to use their vehicle to get to the appointment unless I had Richie drive me. It was getting harder to find the courage to tell them. Everything was so good, for now. My parents were spoiling me after missing me for the last four months. Tonight we would have a house full of family to celebrate. My family had always celebrated Christmas on Christmas Eve. Every year was the same and every year I looked forward to this day more than any other. Not for the presents we were showered with but for the fun we had together. We started with a big sit-down dinner. Next, my father would read the story of Jesus' birth; followed by a very long prayer—something we thought he did to keep us waiting longer for the presents. All the seats in the living room were taken up by people. The floor was full of more people and presents. During the story, I would catch my brothers shooting spit wads at Uncle Harry, who always fell asleep. Our dad was so engrossed in the reading that he never took notice of the chuckles from us or the snoring from Uncle Harry. Mom laughed and shook her head. Uncle Harry was a good sport. He kept a straw in his back pocket to retaliate against the younger hooligans. It was as if he fell asleep on purpose just waiting for the moment they'd attack so he could shoot back. His straw was usually pre-loaded and ready to go at the first ping against his balding forehead. One year he even prepared a small plastic baggie with flour that exploded on Jason's head causing a large white cloud all over. We almost all died laughing trying to conceal ourselves while dad continued reading with all seriousness. Whenever my dad looked up from reading the Bible story everything was still. It was fun to see who got caught in the cross-fire. Once Grandma Rose got a wet wad of paper stuck in her hair—which was meant for Peter. She grabbed a couch cushion and surprise-attacked Jason who shot at Peter—whom was sitting next to Grandma Rose. Poor Jason always got it the worst; but then again he is quite the instigator.

After the story, the long-awaited present opening began. Each year we switched who got to go first. My mom handed out presents to everyone. Then either the oldest person down to the youngest would take turns opening their presents or the youngest to the oldest got to start. After the presents were opened and the paper picked up, we did a ten dollar gift exchange game. We drew numbers of who could pick first and everyone got a number telling them what order they were to pick a present. The fun started when someone chose to steal someone else's present. We had to make a rule of a maximum of three steals because sometimes the same gift got picked over and over again. After the last person picked their gift or stole from someone else, the first person who went was allowed to steal anyone's gift which hadn't been stolen three times. We laughed at some of the ridiculous steals and alliances people made for stealing other's gifts so they could ultimately end up with what they wanted most. After the game was over, we snacked on endless trays of goodies until we left for midnight mass. That was one of my favorite places to be on Christmas. The church was always decked out in beautiful white lights, Douglas Fur trim, candles and beautiful trees adorned with an array of glass bulbs. They kept the main lights off and led the mass by candlelight and the glow from the tree lights. It seemed like half the town packed in on that one night—causing an overflow with most of the younger people left to sit in the balcony section. CeCe, Richie, and I mostly joked around and people watched from up there. The hymns, from that part of the church, floated up in an ethereal accord. The night ended with most of my siblings and I on the couch watching movies until we passed out. Christmas Day was another day for socializing with family and feasting on fine foods.

"Char, when are you going to...you know say something?" Richie asked quietly as he snuck in and jumped on my bed.

"I don't know. I know I need to say something soon. It's just been so nice to forget about it for a little while."

"Yeah, you probably need to say something before the baby pops out on the living room floor."

"You're ridiculous Richie."

"I know."

"I have an appointment next week at a new OBGYN in the area. I have to say something before then to mom and dad. I might be able to find out the sex of the baby too and I'd like someone to go with...maybe you or mom."

"I can go with you if you're still alive." Richie smiled.

"I need you to help me tell them. I just don't think I can do it myself."

"Char, you know I'll help you."

"Thank you."

For most of the day I remained silent, contemplating when I would tell them. I didn't want to do it with everyone there at dinner, although, maybe they would be less likely to choke me if there were witnesses. I thought about it for a moment and then worried about grandma having a heart attack. That would be a crummy present for Christmas. I helped my mother wrap the remainder of presents for others and for the present exchange game. I enjoyed making things look pretty and wrapping presents was comforting. I liked making pretty bows and fancy tags for the gifts. I wanted everyone to feel special when they got their presents and I felt that pretty packages would show them that they are that much more loved. I had already had a countless number of cookies and was starting to feel my throat burning. I had the worst heartburn. I had never known what it was until I became pregnant. My doctor said it was normal but nonetheless, a nuisance.

After the presents were done hours later, I helped my Aunt Juanita set the dining table. Once my dad put in the table leafs, we had enough seating for fourteen. Everyone else, mostly the younger ones, sat at the kids table nearby.

"Mom, how many are coming for dinner tonight?" I asked.

"Honey please set the adult's table for 14 and the kid's table for 10 please. Wait a minute. Let me count again and you tell me how many that is." She said counting in her head, pointing at invisible names in the air.

I grabbed a large stack of plain white ceramic plates and waited for her to start rattling off names.

"Okay, there are seven of us plus Edward and Peter are bringing Courtney and Chelsea—so that's nine. Then, of course, there is Grandma Evi, Aunt Juanita, Grandma Rose and Bo, her friend—so that's another four. Uncle Dallas, Aunt Renee and their four kids, Uncle Harry and Aunt Dottie and their three. How many is that?" She asked, looking at me.

"Altogether that's twenty-four people, mom."

"Oh, I forgot Father John—the Upton's are out of town this year. They are vacationing in the Bahamas for Christmas and I didn't want him to be alone." She added.

Almost dropping the plates on the floor I quickly scrambled to keep them from tumbling out of my arms. I hadn't talked with Father John yet. I had pushed it aside and never confessed to him, despite saying I would, and that was before I found out I was carrying a passenger in my belly.

"Oh, that makes twenty-five then." I said while placing plates around the large oak table.

"People should start arriving just about any time now." My mom called out to Aunt Juanita and I. The bread will be done in just a few minutes and then we can put that on the table. Char, will you get out the matching tablecloth napkins for the bread basket and for the table settings?"

"Sure mom."

"Thanks honey."

"So, you never did tell me how you like school." My Aunt Juanita said as we worked to make the table look pretty.

"I do. It was hard work and I missed you guys being so far away."

"That's normal. I love to travel but it's always good to come home." My Aunt Juanita said as she straightened the silverware settings around the table. "What classes are you taking next semester Char?"

"Umm, I'm not sure yet." I nearly choked.

"Honey, didn't you get your classes before you left school?" My mom asked, stopping what she was doing for a moment to look at me.

"No, I have to get them when I get back."

"Oh, I thought CeCe said she got hers already." She said still looking at me.

"She did—I was just so busy with finals that I didn't get a chance to register before we left."

"Are you going to be able to get the classes you need if you wait until you go back, honey?" My mom asked, now paused completely.

"I should be fine. I can always meet with an advisor or registrar to get the classes I need."

She was asking so many questions. It was like firing bullet after bullet with nowhere to hide. I was afraid at any minute I'd get hit with something that would make me spew the truth. I decided to go to the bathroom quickly to avoid the conversation going anywhere else I didn't want it to.

"Mom, I'll be right back. I have to use the bathroom."

Sneaking upstairs, I grabbed Richie by the back of his collar and dragged him with.

"I think mom knows something." I said nervously to Richie.

"Why do you say that?"

"Because she keeps asking me questions about school—like why I don't have my classes for next semester and if I'm going to be able to get the classes I need if I wait to register." I said, shaking slightly.

"Well, why didn't you register for classes?" Richie said facetiously. "Ouch! Stop hitting me." He snarled after I hit his shoulder.

"You know why! I am so freaked out. What if they find out before I tell them?"

"Char you just need to tell them. You're stressing yourself out and I'm not an expert but all this craziness is probably not good for the baby either." He said, with his head tilted and arms crossed.

"Char, hurry up. I still need your help. Aunt Renee and Uncle Dallas are pulling in the driveway now." My mom called up the stairs.

"Oh great, she probably wants to drill me some more before everyone gets here."

"Probably." Richie added before turning towards the stairs.

"Richie, help me out—so she doesn't keep asking questions. Change the topic or something, would you please?"

"Fine, fine, I will." He agreed.

Just as we reached the living room, the door opened and Uncle Dallas, Aunt Renee and our cousins, Jane, Justin, Jude and Jewel came in, quickly followed by Chelsea and Courtney, the twin's girlfriends, who rode together.

"Char, please take their coats and put them on my bed, dear." My mom said while placing bread in a basket on the table. "Richie, go tell your dad that Aunt Renee and Uncle Dallas are here and let the twins know the girls are here. Thanks babe." She offered up quickly while covering the bread basket with the cloth napkins to keep them warm.

"Don't go too far." I whispered to Richie.

"Hi Char!" Jewel said, smiling as she reached to hug me, unexpectedly.

Pulling back a moment later, she looked at me oddly and said "how are you?" Jewel, a year older than I, is a sophomore at Georgia Tech. We don't see each other that often, except for holidays. She's always been peculiar but interesting, wearing mostly black and retro-style clothes from the sixties. She dons black nail polish, an ebony page-boy haircut and bright red lipstick. A small dragon tattoo, which was all the talk last Christmas, wraps around her left wrist. Jewel, a true PK kid of a Southern Baptist preacher—is always pushing the envelope. An avid reader and a computer junkie, Jewel's really smart and almost always has a book tucked away in her purse in case she gets bored of the conversations around her. She could probably hack just about anyone's computer if she wanted and only seems to listen to things people say if juicy gossip is involved. I've been intrigued by her ever since we were kids as she exudes strong self-confidence and the 'I don't care what you think about me' mentality. She wasn't afraid to speak her mind even if it meant having one less friend. If she were an animal she'd be a cat—she does her own thing and only seeks attention, purposely, when she's bored and wants some amusement from some lesser intelligent human.

"I'm good Jewel. How's Georgia Tech?" I asked, wondering why the odd look.

"It's great. Lovely people, silly games—you know typical college life. So, it looks like the freshman fifteen caught up with you?" She said smiling.

"Huh?" I said.

"Freshman usually gain fifteen pounds in their first year of college."

"Oh that—yeah all that good junk food makes you pack on the pounds." I smiled, faking.

"She looks great; doesn't she?" My mom said, overhearing our conversation as she came up to hug Jewel.

"Gorgeous as usual." Jewel said, eyeballing me with a slightly curved smile.

"Thanks Jewel." I smiled again as I took her coat and rushed towards my parent's bedroom. I was starting to feel a bit paranoid. Had Richie told her something? He tended to get along with her the best out of all the cousins mostly because they loved to gossip.

Moments later, the doorbell rang again and I hurried to answer it before I got stuck in any more strange conversations with Jewel.

"Hi Charlotte, long time no see." Father John said as he took off his old black Fedora.

This night was becoming more nerving than relaxing. I hadn't seen Father John in over four months. He reached to hug me and this time I pulled my stomach back quickly before he realized my secret. I wondered though, with him being a holy man, if he could tell I were pregnant or if anything was different about me. I smiled as sweetly as I could, trying to pass for the young innocent Charlotte he knew me to be. Oh this secret was starting to drive me nuts. If I could just get it out I'd hopefully feel better at some point, at least after my parents got over the initial urge to lock me in my room for the next century.

"How's school treating you young lady? You look more grown up since the last time I saw you. I mean, sophisticated." He said, smiling.

"Yep, all that education will do that to you. Can I take your coat?" I asked kindly and in an effort to finish our conversation quickly.

"Sure. Thank you Char."

"Oh Father—it's so good to see you. We're so happy you're here." My mother welcomed Father John as he walked into the open living room/dining room area.

She began introducing him to my Uncle Dallas and his family as my father and brothers came in from the porch. I could see headlights coming down the driveway as the door wavered open. It was either Grandma Rose's guy friend, Bo, or maybe Uncle Harry and Aunt Dottie. Uncle Harry was so much fun and Aunt Dottie was super sweet. Their kids, Rosie, named after Grandma Rose, Johnny, and Annabelle were down-to-earth and fun to be around. I got along well with Rosie, who was my age. Johnny and Annabelle were also twins and ten years old—the youngest of the cousins. I looked forward to catching up with Rosie who was studying art at the Art Institute of Chicago. She too is free-spirited, like Jewel, but kinder like her mother, with an infectious laugh that lights up any room she's in.

As the car drew closer, I could see Rosie smiling and waving wildly at me. I was excited to catch up with her. We hadn't seen each other since last Easter and I knew she'd have some cool stories to tell about Chicago. We'd (the twins, us and our moms) visited there a few summers ago and were enticed by the old and beautiful architecture, along with the vibrancy that the Windy City radiates. She was so drawn to that city that she decided to go to school there for interior design and architecture. I couldn't wait to see her. As they parked the car I saw another set of lights coming down the driveway. I thought that must be Bo—the sweet, quiet, little friend of Grandma Rose's that I met before we left for school. I'd have to wait a little while longer to sit down and chat with Rosie until I welcomed everyone in and took their coats. I figured I'd sit next to her at dinner and catch her up on the turn of crazy events in my life. I knew she wouldn't say anything to anyone.

I welcomed in Uncle Harry, Aunt Dottie, the twins and Rosie. I reached out and kissed them on the cheeks instead of a full hug. Rosie lightly pinched my cheek and said "I missed you cuz" before going over to smooch Grandma Evi. I took all the coats to my parent's bed and came back quickly to get the door for Bo.

"Grandma, Bo's here." I yelled back into the house before I took down the steps to help him up the stairs.

"Hi Bo." I said, meeting him on the gravel driveway.

"Hi honey, how are you?" He asked sweetly as he reached over to hug me.

"Good, thank you." I smiled as I took his arm and we headed towards the front porch, where Grandma Rose was now standing to greet him.

Once we were all in the house—it was buzzing with life and laughter. It was good to see everyone. I started to think about CeCe and all my cousins whom were not plagued with the choices they made. I, again, was reminded of that night. I wished I could take back what we did. I wished I could be like them—excited about my life and laughing about college stories. I was still somewhat bitter deep down where no one else knew. I wondered if I would ever find that happiness again—for more than just a night. Somewhere out there was someone, surely, who could love me, love us. At least for now my family loved me.

My mother called everyone to the table for Christmas dinner. My father said only a six-minute prayer, this time, which is good for his track record of ten minute plus prayers in the past. All the adults, my twin brothers and their girlfriends, sat at the bigger table while all the other cousins sat at the smaller kids table. Rosie sat next to me and told me about Chicago and the cute guy, with dreamy blue eyes and long surfer-blonde hair, she met in her ceramic studio's class. She also told me about her crazy roommate and how she labels everything in their dorm. Jewel peered over at us from time-to-time in-between breaks from talking with Richie and Jason. I whispered something in Rosie's ear since all the other cousins were now talking loudly. She looked at me surprised and started to say something when I tapped my index finger to my mouth. As I turned to see if anyone saw her start to blurt out, Jewel was looking right at me. She smiled and excused herself from the table. I wondered if she heard or knew anything. I looked back at Rosie and whispered "please don't tell anyone". She nodded in agreement and we took our plates to the kitchen to clear our spots before sneaking up to my bedroom.

I was so happy to finally tell someone else in my family who wasn't going to strangle me. It felt a little better and a little easier after telling someone. It had been so hard to keep this secret. Rosie asked me all about Skylar and about what my plan was. She was really sweet and listened and then encouraged me telling me that everything would work out in the end. She asked to see my belly and I lifted my hoodie so she could touch my baby bump. She rubbed it and said a little prayer, "God bless this baby and bless Char with whatever she needs to do this". Rosie was such a sweetheart and more like a sister than a cousin. We laughed and talked some more before we went back downstairs.

By this time, everyone was done eating and the adults were laughing and talking about random things. My father had left to his office to grab his Bible so he could begin the Bible story. Soon we'd all be gathered around the Christmas tree in the living room listening to my dad read about Jesus' birth while the boys quietly started World War III with Uncle Harry. Rosie and I snuggled up by each other on one of the sofas. Jewel had her nose in one of her books before looking up at me and smiling again. Why the heck did she keep smiling at me—like she knew something? Did Richie tell her? Did she hear me talking to Rosie? No, she couldn't have heard us. Richie wouldn't have told her I don't think. He was usually pretty trustworthy.

"Richie, come sit by Rosie and I before all the seats are gone." I yelled.

"Okay sister, I'm coming."

As soon as he sat down I began interrogating him with whispers.

"Did you tell Jewel anything?" I whispered in his ear.

"Like what?" He asked, looking surprised.

"You know what." I said giving him the stink eye.

"Oh that. Well."

"What?" I asked, as he paused, looking nervous.

"She tricked me Char. She said that you told her and asked me what I thought."

"What were her exact words?" I asked, sneaking a look at Jewel—who again looked up at me, from her book, and smiled politely.

"She said, 'so, Char told me, you know —what do you think about that'?"

"That sneaky girl! No—I didn't tell her anything and she knew that she could trick you into telling her. I knew when she smiled at me oddly after I hugged her that she must have been on to something." I said, still whispering into Richie's ear.

"Do you think she's going to tell anyone?" Richie asked.

"I don't know but she better not. Richie, how could you tell her?"

"I didn't know. Honestly, I wouldn't have told her or anyone. I thought you told her."

"Ughh, don't tell anyone else."

"Are you going to say something to her?" He asked.

"No, not yet; I'm going to keep an eye on her." I whispered before pinching his ear.

"Ouch, you and Grandma are set on taking off my ears."

"Remember that the next time you think about talking about me."

I looked over at Jewel again and this time she fixed her gaze on me and smiled. I wanted to rip the little smile off her face. Did she think this was funny? She must know that no one else knows. That too-smart-for-her-britches-know-it-all was driving me crazy. I looked at her and nodded my head with as stern a face as I could manage. I was always nice to everyone. Being rude or firm, except to Jersey the day I broke up with him, did not come easy for me. She knew that I wouldn't say anything to her unless she pushed.

As usual, the boys began shooting spit wads at each other with an occasional pillow being launched at someone's head. Instead of enjoying the annual event I sat quietly wondering if Jewel was going to say anything. She continued to smile at me at times—not the kind of smile that's sweet but the 'I know what you did' smirk. Other than juicy gossip there was no reason for her to say anything. In a few months everyone would know anyway unless she wanted to be the one to tell everyone first. I looked at her and frowned thinking that could be it. Maybe she would say something. Tonight was not the night for that. I would tell my parents in my own time; it wasn't her business. Last year everyone was talking about her dragon tattoo and how disrespectful it was to her body or at least to her dad, a preacher. I didn't care and didn't bother listening to all of it. I thought tattoos were neat—not that I wanted one but it looked good on her.

I dreaded the next few hours hoping Jewel wouldn't say anything. We had dinner; we listened to the Bible story, opened presents, and did the gift exchange game. It was almost time to leave for mass. She hadn't said a word and I was starting to feel pretty good—given the last few hours of not knowing what she may or may not do. I stayed quiet and helped clean up in the kitchen. Rosie stayed by my side and helped wash dishes with me. She washed and I dried them. Cousin June put them away with my mother's directions of where everything went.

"Hey everyone, before we leave Jewel and Justin had a great idea." My Uncle Dallas said.

"Let's have everyone say something they are thankful for and what they look forward to in the New Year." He said excitedly, as if it were the best idea since the invention of the wheel.

While mostly everyone else went back to the living room, I kept drying dishes and figured I'd sneak away before it was my turn. I didn't want to engage myself in any of Jewel's games. I didn't want to be part of any of her gossip. My mother came over and said she'd take over so we could sit down. I told her that she was always doing the dishes and that she should just go relax for once. She smiled and went to sit down. One by one, my aunts, uncles, cousins, and brothers shared what they were thankful for and what they looked forward to. My mother and father went and next was Jewel's turn. I stopped drying dishes for a second to hear what she was going to say. My heartbeat sped up and I worried what would pop out of her candy-red mouth. I could barely breathe. I looked over at her and saw her smiling at me.

"That sneaky snake," I whispered under my breath, "she better not say a word."

"I'm thankful for all of my family here today and I look forward to having even more family here next year for Christmas." Jewel smiled, "it's just so good to have your family around at the holidays."

I let out a small sigh of relief and turned to head towards the bathroom.

"Wait a minute, Char still needs to go." Jewel said loudly as all the family turned towards where I was standing previously, stopping me in my tracks.

Smiling, I said, "I am thankful for a wonderful family and I look forward to all that God has for me next year." I started to back away towards the bathroom, again.

"Yes, I am so excited for you too Char and for you, Aunt Susan and Uncle Richard! God has really blessed you all. You must be so excited to be having your first grandbaby." Jewel said excitedly with fake enthusiasm.

Suddenly I felt all the blood drain from my body as her words registered in my head.

"What? What are you talking about Jewel?" My father asked while chewing on some homemade deer jerky.

"The baby—you know!" She stopped smiling and looked concerned.

Suddenly all eyes were on me and my belly. I stood there helplessly with my mouth gapping wide open. I saw Father John's eyes bulge as he did several Hail Mary's and a sign of the cross.

"Hey, it's my turn." Richie said abruptly. "I'm thankful that I got the lead role in Fiddler's Roof and I am looking forward to dropping out of school and pursuing theatre full time. It's a paid gig and everything."

Everyone was still quiet after Richie stopped speaking. My father took his eyes off me for a second to give Richie a quick quizzical look.

"I think it's time for church everyone." Grandma Rose said to break the silence.

"Char, we need to see you right now in the office." My father said sternly.

I was in a state of shock. That little dragon witch just ousted me in front of entire family. I could barely breathe. I couldn't believe this was happening now. The whole night had been mostly good other than the odd smiles from Jewel. She knew my secret and waited for this moment. Again, I felt the sting of pain from feeling betrayed and left hanging alone. My stomach became queasy and I turned towards the office—knowing my parents were right behind me.

"Before you say anything I didn't mean to hurt you. I'm...I'm really scared and I didn't know how to tell you because you've been so proud of me and right now I feel so stupid. So, please don't make this worse. I already feel like a loser and a failure."

"Char, how did this happen?"

"Suez, we know how this happened. What were you thinking? Were you trying to screw your life up?" My father yelled.

As my dad came closer, I burst into tears. He was so angry and my mother looked at me with disappointment. I knew it would hurt but not this bad. Losing Skylar was hard enough. Now, my parents looked at me differently. This was not the way I imagined them finding out.

"What are you going to do about school?" My father demanded. "Are you going to drop out? Where are you going to live? What a minute—who's the father? It better not be Jack Delano!" He continued.

I couldn't speak. I stayed quiet, crying more. I just wanted to leave. I couldn't face them.

"No, it's not Jersey." I sniffled.

"Char, is it Skylar?" My mother asked in a calm voice.

I looked up for the first time since we came into the office and mustered up enough courage. "Yes, it's Skylar." I could feel tears stream down my cheeks, burning as they went.

"Char, did he ever call you?" She asked genuinely.

"No."

"Who is Skylar?" My dad demanded again.

"He's a guy I met before I left for school." I said with my face pointing down again.

"How come I didn't meet him?" My father asked angrily.

"Richard, she met him at a party the night before they left for school and only saw him that one time. Are you sure it's his baby?"

"Yes mom! I made a huge mistake. He's the only one I've ever been with." I felt so insulted by her question.

"You're grounded!" My father yelled.

"Richard, I don't think that's going to help."

"I said he was the only one, ever! I made a mistake that I'll be paying for—for the rest of my life! I'm not sleeping around!"

Just then Richie popped his head through the office entryway and said, "Dad, it's not like she's going to get any more pregnant."

Richie had been waiting the whole time, just outside the door, listening and waiting if I needed his help. He couldn't have come at a better time. I was starting to get upset causing my stomach to become even queasier than before. I felt the heat of my anger rising throughout my body and I began to feel lightheaded. My head ached and my eyes burned. I wanted to leave.

"Richie, you are not part of this conversation. I will talk with you later about school!" My father said sternly.

"I know I messed up and I'm sorry but I can't do this right now. I feel like I'm going to be sick." I said before starting to dry heave.

"Hurry to the bathroom, Char." My mom insisted.

"This conversation is not over young lady." My father bellowed as he stepped out of the office after me.

I stayed in the bathroom for the next half hour with the door locked. I didn't want anyone in there and I hoped that my parents were gone by the time I came out. I waited until I could no longer hear my dad complaining, loudly, to my mother. I looked at my watch. It was 11:45 PM and all I could hear was silence now, other than a few sobs, I let escape. It was all out. It felt horrible but freeing at the same time. I had no more secrets.

Chapter 10: An Order of Mass and Fries Please

Quiet knocking on the other side of the door grabbed my attention from the conversation still running through my mind from a half hour ago now.

"Char?" Richie whispered. "It's just you and me. Everyone else left for mass. If you still want to go I can drive us and we can sneak into the balcony area. We won't have to see mom and dad." He said softly, "I know how much you like being in mass on Christmas Eve. Maybe we can go to the Rox afterwards for a hot chocolate."

"I don't know if I feel like seeing anyone Richie."

"It might be good for you to get your mind off of things." He urged carefully.

"I don't know."

"Besides, I know CeCe will want to see you." He added.

"Yea, she would love to hear about all the crazy drama." I said as I opened the bathroom door.

I grabbed my coat and slipped it on. It was quiet again. Richie waited on one of the sofas while I pulled on my boots. It got cold in the winter but rarely ever snowed. My boots were more of a fashion statement and about the only cute attire that fit me other than loose jogging pants and hoodies. My jeans had all gotten too snug and my jogging pants and hoodie hid my growing belly. I grabbed a few cookies for the road and we left for mass.

By the time we arrived it was about 12:15 AM and the choir was singing angelically. We snuck up the back staircase and into the back row of the balcony. The church was lit beautifully with white Christmas lights. There were more trees than ever down below, lit up and sparkling with shimmering blue and silver balls, bows, and faux candles. As we slid in the back, I felt a surge of warmth flow through my body. It was the first sense of peace I'd had felt since being ousted by Jewel. Speaking of Jewel, I could see the back of her black glistening hair. She was in the front row of the balcony with June and Jude. Suddenly, I heard a pssst sound coming from beside me. I looked over to see CeCe smiling at me while making her way through and upsetting a few of the older members as she interrupted their singing.

"Hey there lady—I haven't heard from you in a few days. How are you?" She said, looking grimly at me.

"My parents found out." I whispered.

"I know. Richie called me when you were holed up in the bathroom." She hugged me and whispered, "It's going to work out."

"My dad is so angry. He was yelling at me. I've never seen him this angry before."

"Shhh!" We heard from the older members again looking at us.

"Shhh!" CeCe hushed back at the older members, surprising them, as she turned back towards me. "He's supposed to be angry. Someone just deflowered his only daughter and made him a very young grandpa without sticking around to take responsibility." She said, in all honesty, not holding back her thoughts.

"Well, since you put it like that. He was so angry though."

"Char, he'll get over it."

"Shhh!" We heard again from behind CeCe.

"Go sit downstairs with all the old people if you don't want to hear us talk." CeCe hissed back.

Just then Jewel turned around and caught my eye. She smiled. I gave her a dirty look and shook my head before she turned back around. Still feeling the burn on my skin that Jewel triggered, I looked over at CeCe. She was very territorial and stood her ground. The older people shot her a frown back, in disgust. CeCe smiled at them and said "that's what I thought".

We got through the rest of mass and Richie, CeCe, and I decided to sneak out before our parents could get to us. After mass, CeCe yelled down to her parents that she was going to Trixie Rox with us and would be home later. My parents standing next to hers looked at us. My father frowned and mouthed something to my mother. I could see her trying to calm him down, with one arm tucked around his, nodding her head and mouthing something back to him.

"You're welcome." I heard a voice say just behind me.

I turned to see Jewel right in front of me.

"Are you psychotic?"

"I knew your parents didn't know. And I knew you didn't have the courage to tell them. So, again, you're welcome for my help."

I leaned in closer to Jewel before I felt an arm pull me back.

"You crazy"—I started to say.

"Witch of a person." CeCe finished my sentence before ushering me to the door.

I turned to see Jewel's expression fade from a smile to a frown.

"We're in church. She did you a favor in her own little wicked way. Let's go get some fries. I know the baby will thank you for it."

I was still reeling on the way to the Rox. The audacity of that girl, I thought.

"I've never done anything to her. What is her problem?" I shouted, not looking for a response.

"Char, that's Jewel. It wasn't personal. She likes drama. You know that." Richie said, from behind the steering wheel.

"How is that not personal?" I demanded.

"I never said anything about her when she got her dragon tattoo. I never bad-mouthed her. In fact, I thought it was cool. She's off my list...at least the good one anyway." I said, shaking my head.

"Char, that's just Jewel. Besides, she's always been a bit envious of you. You've always stolen the spotlight at holidays for some award or achievement you've won. After a while it gets a little sickening. I don't mean that in a bad way—I just think that ah, other people, like her, get sick of it." Richie said.

CeCe smiled. "I'd like to go a round with her."

"Girl fight!" Richie yipped out loudly.

"Oh my gosh Richie; you are such a guy!" CeCe laughed.

"I should hope so—at least the last time I checked I was." He quipped back sarcastically.

The lights were still on Trixie Rox and only a few cars were in the parking lot. I hoped Trudy was working. I needed to talk with her. I needed someone who'd understand how I was feeling. Richie and CeCe were the best but Trudy had been in my shoes.

"Hey guys, how was mass?" Trudy caught us as soon as we came in the door. "Merry Christmas." She added, walking over with a coffee pot in one hand and the other hand out to give us hugs.

"Merry Christmas," we chimed back in sync.

"It was okay; CeCe almost got us kicked out for telling some old people off." Richie said laughing.

"Whatever Richie." CeCe retorted.

"Oh and Char's pregnant." Richie said.

"Richie! Keep your voice down!" I said feeling embarrassed about the few people remaining in the small diner who could have heard.

"What? Everyone knows now." He said innocently.

"Richie, the whole world doesn't need to know." I said trying to save face.

"Char, what happened?" Trudy asked, sitting down with us in the booth.

"Before we left for school I met a guy named Skylar. I thought he was my soul mate. It turned out he wasn't but I didn't know that at the time. I found out I was pregnant about a month later after I tried getting a hold of him numerous time with no luck."

"Wow, Char. Do your parents know?" She asked kindly with empathy in her eyes.

"Yes, they found out tonight—just before mass because my cousin, Jewel, ousted me in front of our entire family and Father John."

"Ugh—that must have felt terrible." Trudy said grimacing. "I'm sorry Char. At least they know now. That was the hardest part, in the beginning, for me—was telling my parents." She said reaching for my hand. "How'd they react?"

"My dad said he was going to ground me and is very angry."

"That's normal. He's probably just worried about you. My parents were really upset for a while. It got better by the time Charlie came. It'll get better Char; just hold on. They won't stay angry forever."

"Well, I'm not the only one with news, here." I said looking at Richie.

"What?" He said impishly.

"You know what. You didn't tell me you were dropping out of school or that you got the lead role in Fiddler's Roof! And by the way, congratulations Richie, that's wonderful."

"Oh that—yeah, I figured you were a bit busy dealing with your own issues to put mine on you too.

I slugged Richie in the shoulder, lightly.

"Ouch! You've got to stop hitting me girl—especially since I'm not allowed to hit you back!" He looked at my belly and said "your mom's a bit violent—you better listen to her. You let Uncle Richie know if she's acting up and I'll get her for you." He said, smiling.

"Richie, you should have told me. I'm not too busy for you, ever. And thank you for sticking up for me with mom and dad."

"Anytime—unless you keep beating me." He said, moving closer to CeCe.

"Well, what can I get for you all? It's on the house since we have things to celebrate and it's Christmas." Trudy said, pulling out her order pad.

"Oh Tru, thank you."

She walked away towards the kitchen. Cheese fries would be out soon with milkshakes and hot chocolate. We laughed and talked about the last week. CeCe shared that her mother had gotten a new car from James for Christmas and was still learning to drive it. It was a manual and she had almost run over the geese next door, after she missed their driveway. CeCe said that she was sure she still had whiplash from another time when her mother threw the car into second gear abruptly. Richie told us all about the play and the cute girls cast beside him. He said he was putting school on hold for now and that eventually he'd go back. CeCe and I promised to be there opening night to cheer him on. I could tell he was so happy; acting was his element.

The conversation went back to me again. We talked about school and about how I'd balance motherhood. I didn't want to quit school. I didn't want to put it on hold either. I was afraid that if I quit I may get to busy and never go back. I had to make something of myself. Hopefully, Grandma Rose could help me with the baby if I went to the local community college. I still didn't know what I was going to do for money though. I had hardly anything saved and needed to start making some money fast. I'd have to find a job soon so I could make some money before the baby came. I didn't want to live off my parents. I knew they'd let me stay with them but I didn't want to be a complete freeloader. I was going to need diapers and all kinds of baby stuff.

"Here you go—an extra-large order of cheese fries, two chocolate milkshakes, one hot chocolate and three bowls of home-cooked chili." Trudy interrupted.

"Tru, it smells great! Thank you."

"You are all so welcome. Merry Christmas." She said as she slipped in the booth with us. We were the last ones now and the closed sign was hanging in the door.

"So, Char are you going to be staying with your parents?" Trudy asked.

"Yes, I think so. There's no way I can be so far away from them now."

"That's a great idea. You'll need them."

"Well, we are short staffed right now—Bonnie left after she met Julio and they moved to Atlanta. Do you know anyone who might need a job?" She asked, looking at me.

She had to have been reading my mind. I didn't know how I was going to support this baby and I couldn't ask my parents to pay for my mistake.

"Really, Tru? I need a job desperately."

"Can you start Monday?"

"Of course I can. I have an appointment next Thursday to meet with the OBGYN—is that okay?"

"Absolutely, we can start you off three days a week and see how that goes."

"Oh good, I am hoping that maybe I can go to school locally."  
"Okay, just don't wear yourself out." She cautioned.

"Thank you so much Trudy. I really need this."

"You'll be busy, but you should be able to make some money to put away for the baby."

"That's what I need." I said, feeling another sense of relief.

Now that my parents knew and I had a job, I had overcome some of my worst fears, other than my biggest fear of living a life of solitude, penniless, with dreams deferred.

We finished up eating and I talked awhile with Trudy about my uniform. Richie and CeCe giggled quietly as they caught up with crazy stories. About a half hour later we all walked out of the diner together. We waited for Trudy to lock up so she didn't have to leave alone. We hugged and thanked her, again, before pulling away from the lot as she drove in the opposite direction. Richie dropped CeCe off and then drove us home. All the lights were off at home and we crept in quietly. It was now about three AM. My mother was asleep on one of the sofas. The Christmas tree lights were still on, casting a soft glow over her face. Richie headed up to his bedroom. I leaned over and pulled the chord for the lights out of the socket. I pulled the throw over my mom and whispered "I love you" before turning towards the stairs.

"I love you too Char." She said back.

I was surprised. I thought she was sleeping. I stopped and turned. She was now sitting up. She must have been waiting up for us, as usual, when we were out late.

"You know we are going to need to talk about this more. Your dad is very upset and I'm not happy about the situation you've put yourself in but regardless we love you and will help you through this." She said calmly.

"Mom, I'm so sorry I disappointed you. I would have told you sooner. I was just so afraid to disappoint you and I didn't know how to tell you." I said quietly.

"I know honey." She said walking over to me in the darkened room.

"Mom, I'm afraid." I said as she hugged me tightly.

"I know you are. I also know that it's not going to be easy for you but you'll make it through."

I could feel the tears flowing down my face. I needed my mother. I needed her to tell me that she'd be there for me when others had abandoned me. I wanted to feel like a little girl again—one that was protected, by her parents, from all the evils and pain of the world. Children, when they have good parents, know they'll be safe, that everything will be okay. I have good parents, angry parents, but good parents...or maybe just worried, good parents. I needed to know my mom would stand beside me and her hug let me know she'd be there, as always, to love me.

"Do you think dad's ever going to forgive me?" I asked, sniffling back some of the wetness from my nostrils.

"In time, he will. He's angry but that's because he loves you more than any man on this planet and only wants the best for you like I do. But, he's your father and more than anything we want you to be happy. Decisions like the one you made led you to this point in life. Those decisions create a more challenging life than we want for any of our kids. Just like the Bible says, we want you to be married happily first before having kids so that we know you have someone who is committed to you and who will love you for you. We want you to marry a person that will be there in the good and the bad times to share them with you—especially when you're raising children. Parenthood is not easy. However, it can be very rewarding. You and your brothers, imperfectly perfect and wonderfully made have given us some of the most amazing memories and joy anyone could hope for in a lifetime. I know this baby will do that for you too—we just wanted you to have someone to share this little person with first.

"I know mom. I wanted that too. I still want that but I don't know if that will happen." I cried harder as my mom pulled me over to the sofa to sit down. "I feel like a huge failure and the possibility of me doing something...anything extraordinary with my future is bleak now."

"Honey, don't count yourself out yet. You have a lot to offer. You are a gift and this baby will be one too." She smiled as she wrapped her hands around mine. "You need to get some rest. Once that baby comes you're going to be busy."

"Thank you mom."

She bent over and hugged me once more. "I figured with the timeframe of when you met Skylar that the baby is probably due sometime in June or late May. Is that right?"

"Yeah, I'm due June seventh. I've already seen the OBGYN a few times, at campus, and everything looks good. I have an appointment next week with the one around here. Will you go with me mom?"

"Yes, I will honey. I have one more week off school. Have you felt the baby move yet?"

"No, not yet; I was really sick for most of the last school semester and am just starting to feel better."

"Well, I'm glad you're feeling better honey. Go get in bed. I'll see you two in the morning." She smiled, slightly.

"Good night mom, I love you. Thank you for not choking me."

"Are you kidding, I don't want to do that to my first grandbaby...even though I'm still a bit young to be one."

"Thanks mom, I'm glad to know you love me too." I said sarcastically. "It's nice to know you'll wait to knock me off until after the baby's born."

"Oh honey you know I love you and you're not going anywhere. You're going to be up for two AM and four AM feedings. This nana will help during normal hours. I'll help but you are responsible for raising this baby." She said in a firm but loving way.

"I know mom. I already got a job at Trixie Rox, working part-time. I start next week. I also thought that maybe I could sign up for some classes locally. I don't want to stop school; I'm afraid that if I quit now I won't go back."

"Honey, I am glad you got a job—children are expensive! And school is a great idea. But we can talk more about that tomorrow. You really do need to get some sleep; it's been a really long day for all of us." She said as she steered me towards the stairs.

Chapter 11: If the Apron Fits

The next few days passed by quietly. I started my first day of training at the Rox. It went mostly well until Victoria Sweetly came in for lunch being her typical snobby self—making comments to her friends while looking and pointing at me. I knew she didn't know about the baby because only my family and CeCe knew besides Father John, who was somewhat bound to secrecy and Tru, wouldn't tell a soul. I shadowed Trudy the whole day, learning the ins and the outs of the small but coveted diner. The food at Trixie Rox is some of the best diner food around. Most of the customers are faithful locals, residents and passer-byes. My uniform consisted of only a small black apron with the Rox logo. I could wear jeans, pants or just about anything other than sweatpants. I was going to need to buy some bigger pants soon. It was pretty laid back except for the lunch hour rush—which was always busy. As part of my benefits at the diner I was allowed to eat one meal a day during my break. Now that I had an appetite, I looked forward to my favorite—cheese fries. The Reuben was pretty good too, though. I was tired after my first day at the Rox and went home and napped.

Since Christmas Eve, my father avoided eye contact with me and seemed to ignore my existence when I was in the same room. I knew he was angry but it was still hurtful being unnoticed. Today was my doctor's appointment and my mother, Richie, and CeCe were all going with me. My dad hadn't said anything to me since that night—not even on Christmas. I wondered if he would ask about the appointment or how the baby was doing. I was starting to question whether or not I would ever have the relationship I had with my dad, again. I was like a stranger to him. My mom told me to give him time and that eventually he would come around. It seemed as if all the men in my life were ignoring me. Even Richie had been busy the last couple days. Richie, at least, ad an excuse—he said he was busy memorizing his lines for Fiddler on the Roof.

The OBGYN office ended up being about a half hour drive. My mother drove us. Today, I was meeting with the new obstetrician and getting an ultrasound. I had heard that you can usually tell the sex by now and I was getting anxious to see who was in there. Would it be a boy? If so, would he look like Skylar? Or maybe, it was a girl. Would she look like me? I wondered and waited in anticipation. I hoped we could find out today what I was having. We sat in the waiting room for about fifteen minutes of which ten minutes were used to complete new patient paperwork. Richie and CeCe looked through magazines while my mother and I went through the papers. I was getting excited. I hadn't seen the baby since my first visit to the doctor's office on campus. Then, the baby was the size of a pinto bean, little and not yet defined. From the illustrated medical drawings on the wall the baby had little legs, toes, fingers and arms that we'd be able to see on the ultrasound.

"Charlotte?" A lady in pink scrubs called out into the lobby.

"That's us." I said looking at my mom, Richie, and CeCe.

"Oh, are all of you coming back?" She asked.

"Yes, is that okay?" I questioned.

"Sure, we will just need to pull in a few extra chairs. I am going to walk you all to the room and then I will need you to give us a urine sample before you come back," she said, handing me a sample cup. "Just make sure to write your name on it before putting it in the little window in the bathroom."

"Okay, thank you." I said, reaching out to grab the sample cup.

I carefully peed in the cup and wrote my name on it. I quietly opened the small bathroom window to sneak it in before someone on the other side opened up their window peeking into mine, to grab my urine sample for testing. I went back to the room where I found my mother laughing with Richie and CeCe. I sat down and waited, again. I hadn't seen any pictures of the obstetrician and wondered what she looked like. Just then the door opened and the woman with the pink scrubs came back in.

"Before the doctor comes in I need to take your vitals. Do you have any questions or concerns since your last visit? I see, in your chart here, that this is your first appointment here. You were seeing an OBGYN in Athens?"

"Yes, this is my first visit here. I was seeing Dr. McKenan in Athens and am finally feeling better, no more nausea. I was really sick in the first trimester and some at the beginning of this trimester. I am, though, having some pretty bad burning in my throat and chest—especially at night. Other than that, I'm feeling good."

"It sounds like you might be having some heartburn—which is normal. You can take some Tums for that. They are over-the-counter and pretty inexpensive. Are you feeling any movements or kicking yet?" The nurse in the pink scrubs whose name badge I could now make out said Brenda.

"Thanks, no I haven't felt any kicks yet."

"You're welcome. You should start feeling them soon. It usually takes longer to start feeling the kicks with your first pregnancy. It will feel like gas bubbles or butterflies at first until the kicks become stronger as the baby grows bigger."

"Char, just to clarify—she didn't give you permission to pass gas—she said gas bubble-like feeling." Richie laughed.

"Ouch!" He yipped after our mother pinched his arm.

"Thank you Brenda. Please excuse my brother; he forgot his maturity at home."

"Oh—I thought that was the father of the baby." She said earnestly.

We all broke out in laughter. "No, that's my brother." I said, shaking my head.

"I'm sorry."

"It's okay; it gave us a good laugh."

"Is the father of the baby out of town today?" She asked kindly as she wrapped the blood pressure cuff around my arm.

I paused a moment, "yes, he is."

"Okay, maybe we'll meet him another day. You're going to want to start thinking about childbirth classes soon. I can give you the fact sheet with the dates and locations of the classes to take home with you." She said nicely.

I looked over at my mom who smiled at me slightly. Richie and CeCe were somber looking now.

"Thank you; that would be helpful."

"The doctor will be in shortly. I'll leave the fact sheet at the front desk for you to pick up when you check out."

"Sounds good, thank you again. Have a good day."

"You too," She said as she closed the door on her way out.

We sat quietly for a moment, waiting for the doctor.

"I can help with the classes if you want?" CeCe offered.

"That would be nice; maybe you and my mom could take turns—would that be okay with you, mom?"

"I'm sure I can do that as long as the classes are in the evenings, when I'm not in school."

"That would be great, CeCe, if you're here. You may be at school when they start up."

"I can"—she started to say when the door swung open.

"Hello Charlotte, I'm Dr. Lewis. You were supposed to see Dr. Jacobson but she got called out to the hospital for a delivery. You would have to see me at some point anyway; we have four doctors and two midwives in our practice. We strongly recommended that you see each of us before delivery. We all take turns with being on-call for who covers obstetric care at the hospital so you won't know who will be delivering until you get to the hospital." He said in a professional manner while reaching out to shake my hand.

"It's nice to meet you." I said.

"I've reviewed the records from your previous doctor's office in Athens. Everything looks good. Your due date is June seventh according to the information I received. How are you feeling—any concerns?" He asked as he opened a drawer and pulled out a clear squirt bottle with blue jelly-like substance inside.

"Not really. The nurse told me that the burning in my throat and chest is most likely heartburn. She said I could take some Tums to help with the burning."

"That's true." He said as he pulled open a drawer and pulled out a small Doppler to listen to the baby's heartbeat.

He squirted the cold blue jelly on my belly and then placed the Doppler on top and began to lightly press and move the Doppler around. A few seconds later I heard the fast swishing sounds of a little heartbeat. I smiled as I loved hearing the heartbeat. In the midst of all the stress this was causing, I was happy to hear a strong little heartbeat. The previous doctor told me that usually the faster heartbeats are girls but nothings definitive until you have visual proof. Sometimes, they're so busy moving around in there that their heart beats more quickly.

"Sounds good, about 156 beats per minute," he said pulling the Doppler away, before wiping off the jelly with some tissue. "So, you'll want to make your next appointment with another one of the doctors until you meet all of us and then you can choose anyone of us to see for the rest of the appointments. Everything sounds good. You have an ultrasound down the hall next; any questions?"

"No, not yet," I said, smiling.

"We'll see you back in a month. You'll want to start thinking about childbirth classes soon."

"I'm picking up the information before I leave today."

"Okay, take care, Charlotte. It was nice to meet you today." The doctor said holding out his hand to shake mine, again.

"It was very nice to meet you too doctor. Thank you."

"He seems nice." My mother said.

"He's a little stiff," CeCe added.

"A little stiff is okay as long as they are knowledgeable and good at what they do," my mother replied.

"That's true." CeCe nodded.

Richie was silent as he sat traumatized by the large picture on the wall of a baby being delivered, vaginally. He had a look of disgust on his face. "Ouch, they don't knock you out for that?" He asked, looking at the expression of pain on the woman's face in the picture.

"No, they don't knock you out." My mother said, laughing. "The mother has to push the baby out; they don't just crawl out."

"Ugh! Poor Char! That's going to hurt." He said squeamishly.

"Yes it hurts; but you forget the pain when you see your baby." She said, smiling.

"There is no way you could forget that kind of pain!" Richie shook his head.

"I totally agree; you are going to need some drugs for that." CeCe nodded.

"I read you could get an epidural but then they have to stick a really big, long needle in your spine. Mom, did you have an epidural when we were born?" I asked.

"They didn't have them back then—when you were all born."

"I don't know what's worse—a needle in your back or a watermelon-size thing coming out of...there!" CeCe said with her hands on her hips.

"I don't know but I don't want to think about it yet." I said, trying to get the image of a watermelon coming out of that small space, out of my head.

"Richie, are you okay?" My mother asked, laughing as she noticed him looking paler than usual.

"Yeah, I'm going to stay in the waiting room when you're pushing that thing out. I'll say prayers for you out there." He said, breaking a small sweat.

We all laughed and headed out the door towards the ultrasound room. We were greeted in the hallway by Brenda, the nurse in pink scrubs.

"We are in here." She pointed to the door where the ultrasound machine was set up.

We filed into the small room. CeCe sat on Richie's lap since we were a chair short. The room was so cold and there were pictures of Anne Geddes' babies, dressed as sweet flowers and animals, all over the walls. I was introduced to a tall, slender woman, with a Russian accent, named Margaret, who was the sonographer. She was very nice and helped me up on the extended medical chair. She had me tuck my pants into my underwear and pull up my shirt to just below my bra. Next, she pulled out another squirt bottle full of blue jelly and squirted it all over my belly. I was surprised that the jelly was actually warm this time—which helped since the room was so cold. Immediately, a large black and white picture of the baby appeared on the monitor. I could see the spine and the arms and legs and the head. We had the perfect profile shot of the baby.

"First, I am going to take measurements of the baby." She said before continuing, "Do you want to know the sex of the baby?"

"Absolutely, I've been waiting to find out the last few months." I said excited to finally find out who was in there.

"Okay, we'll check for the sex in a few minutes. Now, we need measurements to see how well the baby is growing and to verify the due date. You're due date is June seventh currently?" She asked as she placed the cursor over the baby's femur to measure it.

"Yes, that's what they told me at my first appointment when they did the ultrasound." I answered trying to see if I could see anything that identified boy or girl.

"Okay." She said keeping her eyes on the monitor as she moved the scanner around my belly.

As she pressed down more firmly I saw the baby move quickly for the first time. His little arm moved up towards his head and he changed positions.

"Oh—he didn't like that." She said, smiling as she tried to measure the circumference of the head.

"It's a he?" I asked as I looked at my mom, CeCe and Richie, whom were all very focused on the monitor.

"I don't know yet. I haven't checked—but now that he's moved—maybe we can see something." She said moving the scanner around some more to get the baby to move.

She continued to move the scanner and smiled mouthing something in Russian, most likely, as I couldn't discern what she said.

"Well, I think... that you have..."

I was hanging on to every word she said and the silence in the room was so loud that everything and everyone froze to wait for the next few words.

"I think that you have a baby girl." She said smiling, looking at me for the first time.

"Are you sure?" I asked, excited and surprised to know that I had a little girl in there.

"Look over here," she pointed. "See how it looks like a peach or a smiley face? I am pretty sure that this is a baby girl. She laughed and said "baby boy's genitalia look like little turtles, with the head sticking out of the shell."

"How sure are you?" Richie asked while all the ladies laughed.

"Hmmm... about ninety-five percent sure."

I looked at my mom and she smiled at me. Next to her was CeCe who shot me an impish little grin. Richie was still trying to figure out how it looked like a peach.

"I'm going to print you some of these pictures to take with you." Margaret said.

I sat there quietly, watching the screen thinking about the little girl in my belly, while Margaret continued to probe and measure the baby. Richie, CeCe, and my mother whispered softly. I was having a little girl. I was still shocked to be pregnant, nonetheless find out I was having a little girl. With all the boys in our family I never thought I'd have a girl. This was starting to feel real—even more than the morning sickness I had every day for the first trimester or so.

Margaret finished up measuring a few moments later, smiled, and wiped off most of the jelly that was now cold on my belly. It still felt sticky so I grabbed for more tissues behind me. She then wished me well and gave me the pictures of my little girl. Down the hall, we stopped at the front desk and I made my next appointment. The lady who checked me in handed me the childbirth classes' fact and scheduling sheet. I took them and we walked out to the car slowly while I looked at the ultrasound pictures again.

"So, what are you going to name her?" CeCe demanded, immediately.

"I don't know." I said turning the picture sideways to see her profile better.

"Cecilia is a really good name." CeCe said bright eyed and grinning.

"Char—what about Evi? That's a beautiful name." My mother said as she pulled out of the parking lot heading towards the highway.

"I love the name Evi but Grandma Rose might be hurt if I didn't pick her name."  
"You could combine them," Richie muttered from the back seat.

"Evi Rose?" CeCe asked?

"That's nice." My mother said.

"It is but I'm not sure that it's the right name—as much as I love them both." I said. "It's kind of like a wedding dress. I think when you find the right one, you just know. I think when I find the right name, it'll be undeniable."

"That makes sense." CeCe nodded. "Oooh—I know what you should name her!" She squealed abruptly, hitting the back of the seat.

"What CeCe?" I said in surprise.

"It's so good and I thought of it. You're going to love this; I'm so smart."

"I don't think she's naming her CeCe." Richie said, looking at CeCe like she was a crazy person.

"No. I have _the_ perfect name, even though mine's pretty perfect—one good gift from my mother."

"Cecilia Kathryn! Be good to your mother." My mother said from the front seat, eyeballing her through the rearview mirror.

Okay, okay. Are you ready?" She wiggled in her seat.

"Sometime before the baby's born, preferably." I said.

"Okay, are you sure you're ready?"

"Yes!" The rest of us said in unity and exasperation.

"Geez, you don't have to yell. I'm trying to help here." She said, pretending to be offended. "Lucy." She smiled, looking at me.

As soon as I started to reply, surprised by her offer, I felt something inside stop me. Almost like little tiny bubbles floating upward. I paused for a moment as the bubbles dispersed. I hadn't remembered feeling anything like that other than the butterflies the night I met Skylar.

"So, Char—what do you think?"

"Why Lucy?" Richie asked dumbfounded.

"Shhh!" I said to everyone in the car.

"Is everything okay?" My mother asked, concerned.

"Lucy, the name she gave Skylar, as hers, the night she met him." CeCe said smiling.

"Shhh!" I said as I suddenly felt a few more bubbles flowing through my belly.

"What is it Char?" My mother pressed.

"I don't know. I'm feeling a strange bubble-like feeling in my stomach." I said, putting my hand on my belly.

My mother smiled, "Someone heard her name."

"Lucy, I don't know why I didn't think of that." I said with both hands on my belly.

"I remember the first time I felt each of you move. It was wonderful until you got to be the size of a watermelon and then it just kind of made me have to pee. When they're little like she is now, it feels like fizzing bubbles.

"Do you like Lucy?" I said rubbing my belly. As soon as I finished saying that I realized that this was the first time I had talked to her. I felt a few more bubbles gravitate upwards.

"See—I told you I had the perfect name. You're welcome for my awesomeness." CeCe said, happy with herself.

"Lucy is a pretty name." My mother added.

"How about Lucy Richie?" My brother asked. "Now that's a good name."

"Oh my gravy—that is not a good name." CeCe said, looking at Richie with a frown embracing her face.

"How about Lucy Grace?" My mother asked.

"Lucy Grace. Lucy Grace. Lucy Grace." I said trying to get a good feel of it. "Lucy Grace. I like it."

"It's pretty." CeCe said. "And you're welcome?"

"I get some credit too." My mother said, looking for an acknowledgement.

"Yes, thank you ladies. I think Lucy likes it too. I've been feeling bubbles almost the whole time you've been talking."

"I want to feel." CeCe said leaning over the front seat.

"I'm not sure you can feel them. I feel them inside but I can't feel them with my hand."

"It will probably still be awhile until you can feel them on the outside—give it another month and then we should be able to." My mother said smiling as we pulled into CeCe's parent's house.

"So, I'll see you before you leave on Saturday—right?" I asked CeCe.

"Absolutely! Besides I need some more home-cooked meals before I leave for school and we know that's not going to happen at my house. My mother fired Mrs. Ikanza while I was away at school. She thought she was stealing her clothes while she was at work. I've been starving since I've been home except for the few times I snuck over to Mrs. Ikanza's house."

"Was she stealing her clothes?" Richie asked.

"No, I don't think so. I think she just didn't want Mrs. Ikanza over, with her twenty-one year old beautiful daughter. She's going through a bit of a mid-life thing where she's been really judgmental of herself and finding that little Brazilian beauty swimming in her pool, one day, in her thong swimsuit didn't help her self-esteem."

"Oh my!" My mother said. "That's too bad. If you get hungry, you know you can always stop over."

"Was your dad checking her out?" Richie laughed.

"Richie—you can hit him CeCe." My mother said glaring at him.

"No, he might have though. She's been so cranky, I don't blame him. At least Mrs. Ikanza's daughter is always smiling and happy. She's actually really sweet, just like Mrs. Ikanza." CeCe said matter of fact.

"Maybe I should come with you to Mrs. Ikanza's house next time." Richie said.

"Ouch!" Richie moved away from CeCe quickly.

"Nah, you don't want to meet Mrs. Ikanza's husband. He's 6'2 and I'm sure he hits a lot harder than I do if any boys get too close to his little girl." CeCe said smiling, in a satisfied way, as she stepped out of the car.

"Alright, I have to go before Harley's unleashed. I love you Char. I love you too Lucy Grace." CeCe said as she hugged me and reached down to rub my belly.

"Bye CeCe, we'll see you soon. Tell your mother I said hello." My mother smiled.

"Bye Mrs. Buchanan. Bye Richie." CeCe said, waving as we pulled away.

A few minutes later we were home. It was almost dinner time and my mother had my father pick up a pizza for supper. Although my dad hadn't said more than two words to me since Christmas Eve I hoped that he would be excited to see the ultrasound pictures. Maybe my mother would tell him about the appointment. She was a great buffer between us kids and him, especially when he got upset. She helps ease him out of his frustration and reminds him of what it is like to be young as she's almost always lighthearted and fun to be around. Her personality is the perfect fit for a Kindergarten teacher. Her students all love her and she loves them. She says that the reason she enjoys teaching is the excitement she feels at the moment when the light bulb goes off in their curious developing minds. They figure out the joy of learning something new—like reading and writing and learning about new worlds. To my mother it's like watching a jumbo 747 jet take off for the first time; incredible.

"Hi honey." My mother said as she kissed my dad to greet him. "How was your day?"

"Good. We just started pruning the trees today. If the weather continues to cooperate, we should be able to get all the pruning done within the next two weeks."

"Thank you for picking up the pizza. I wasn't sure what time we'd be back and I didn't want dinner to be too late." She said as she got out paper plates.

I stepped into the hallway, just out of sight, to put my coat away.

"Did the appointment go okay?" I heard my dad say lowering his voice.

"It went really well. Her doctor, at least the one seems nice—very professional but nice."

"Is everything okay with her and the baby?" He asked, with his voice still low.

I stayed quiet and leaned against the hallway wall. I wanted to hear everything they were talking about. My dad was actually asking about me. Why wouldn't he just talk to me—ask me?

"Yes, everything looks good. In fact, she got to find out the sex of the baby!" My mother said with a bit of excitement in her voice.

"So, what is it?" He asked.

"Richard Roe Buchanan you are going to have to talk to your daughter sometime. If you want to find out the sex of your grandbaby—then you are going to have to ask her yourself." She said in a firm but flirtatious way.

I smiled. My mother knew how to communicate well with stubborn southern men, like my father, and always with charm and a smile.

"Oh come on Suez. I am going to talk to her as soon as I'm a little less likely to squish her."

"We both know you won't squish her. You have to talk to her sometime. She's still hurting and worried about all of this. She needs her father now more than you know."

"I just don't know what she was thinking Suez. We didn't teach her to run off and sleep with some boy she barely knew."

"You know what? I was upset too when I found out. More than anything, I was disappointed and worried—worried that my daughter is going to have to raise a baby on her own with no man to protect her and stand by her side through all of this. She knows what she did was wrong. We are Christians Richard—how long are going to hold this against her? Right now she needs the two most trustworthy people she knows to help her through this the way God has helped us through some of our hardest times—she needs you and not your judgment." My mother said as she walked out of the kitchen and into the hallway where I was standing, abruptly surprising me.

"How long have you been standing there?" My mother asked as I pretended to be walking down the hallway.

"For as long as you two have been talking." I said, loud enough for my father to hear, as I walked out the front door to get some fresh air. "I'll be back in a bit; I just need a walk. I have to work later on tonight."

My father's words hurt me. I knew he was angry but for how long would he be angry at me? I didn't just find someone and sleep with him. I had real feelings for him and I thought a future. I didn't sleep with him to spite my parents. I was the one paying for my mistake as my mother at least acknowledged. If anything was my crime it's that I'm too nice—too naïve. I think the best of everyone and it always comes back to bite me in the butt. It was so unfair. Life had tricked me right when I thought it couldn't get any better. Now, I'm the one, with a baby on the way, home with my parents, working at a diner, and a college drop-out—me the Valedictorian of my high school voted most likely to be 'most successful' in my high school year book. I didn't need my dad to show me how colossally I screwed up. It wasn't Lucy's fault. I would love her no matter what. I was still trying to wrap myself around all of this when my father knocked me two steps back just as I was finally starting to accept this fate.

I avoided my dad the rest of the day and went to work that night. I saw several of our friends, home for holiday break, from high school. I told them I was just helping out Trudy, because they were short-staffed, until I started back to school. This was a true statement. I was hoping to go back to school, at least community college for now. I didn't feel the need to open up my Jerry Springer epic to anyone else. I had enough grief for the week with my father.

The next few days flew by and I was already saying goodbye to my best friend for the first time since third grade. I couldn't believe we were going to be separated. We'd go for days but never for weeks, and God-forbid months, being away from each other. I thought about what she was going back to—the freedom to live, meet new people, and do whatever she wanted without thinking twice. CeCe somehow always had the best luck even when she made questionable decisions; it always turned out right for her. I was feeling a bit of jealousy all over again thinking about her leaving for college in Athens. I was frustrated with myself for being secretly upset with her. She was nothing but good to me. I couldn't be mad at her because she wasn't in my shoes and couldn't understand what it was like to be where I was standing. I love CeCe and was happy for her. I didn't want to be without her. I tried to be happy for her getting to do what we both had dreamed of since we plotted it out on the school bus years ago.

"I can't believe you're not coming back with me." She said sadly, with her big puppy dog eyes looking at me and her head slanted to the side.

"I know; me too. I wish I could—I'd rather be there than here."

"I'll come back for spring break in March if not before. If your mom can't make it to the childbirth classes before then, call me and I'll drive back."

"CeCe, you cannot make that drive for an hour class." I said hoping she'd say of course she could. I knew she'd made some new friends with the Tri-Deltas. I needed assurance, without telling her so, that I wouldn't be replaced by some perfect Barbie-figured fake blond with big boobs and hot pink lipstick with half a brain.

"But I would walk five hundred miles and I would walk five hundred more  
just to be the man who walked a thousand miles to fall down at your door," she started singing our favorite Proclaimers' song as she grabbed my hands and danced silly.

"CeCe I love you. I'm going to miss you so much. We've never been separated for this long—I feel like a Siamese twin—being surgically removed from your hip."

"Oh honey. No amount of miles will ever separate this crazy cool duo—I'll be back before you know it. I'm going to miss you t-w-o too." She said hugging me on the front steps of my parent's porch.

"Hey CeCe, I packed you some orange mocha balls, some lemon shortbread cookies, and a loaf of zucchini bread to take with you for the trip." My mother interrupted as she came out with her hands full of baked goods for CeCe.

"Awe thanks Mrs. B."

"You drive safely CeCe and don't stop too long at those truck stops." My mother urged. "Call us when you get there."

"I will." She promised, hugging my mom tightly.

She gave me one more hug and hopped down the stairs and into her parent's SUV. As she started to pull away, she stopped and rolled down the passenger side window. "Don't forget me while I'm gone."

"I promise as long as you promise not to replace me with some plastic-looking girl pretending to be human." I smiled partially restricting my grin.

"We don't play with Barbie's anymore." CeCe said sarcastically whipping out a full-fledged smile. "I love you Charlotte Renee Buchanan and Lucy Grace—the cutest baby ever." She yelled out the window before taking off.

I blew her two quick kisses and smiled, feeling a bit sad to see her taillights heading for the road. I felt an arm gently wrap around my shoulder and then my mother's hair tickle my cheek as she kissed the side of my head. I should have been happy for her but I couldn't even imagine being without her for the next two months. My mother's comfort came, as usual, at the perfect time.

"Richie's almost done washing the dishes. Let's say we make some cappuccino's—decaf for you, and watch a good girly movie?"

"I saw Sleepless in Seattle is coming on at eight tonight and I picked up some Twizzler's." She said trying to lull me out of my moment of self-pity.

"Okay, sounds good. I'm a bit tired—I think my feet are swollen from being on em all day. Stretching out on the couch sounds good." I said as we headed in together.

Chapter 12: Southern Women and their Tea

I awoke to tiny jabs in my side. It had been eight weeks since I watched CeCe's headlights disappear out of the driveway. I missed being with her every day. We phoned each other at least twice a week to catch up on life and gossip. Home life hadn't changed much though. My father was still giving me the silent treatment except when my mother gently forced him to talk with me at times—like at dinner when she pretended not to hear his requests to pass the dumplings and I was the next closet person to them. Lucy was starting to grow quickly and enormously. My little bump turned into a cantaloupe-sized lump. The tiny bubbles I felt, when she moved, turned into soccer-ball punts into my ribs and anywhere else she felt like visiting with her powerful little kickers.

My mother took me shopping and bought me several pairs of maternity overalls. I read in a magazine that you could keep wearing your regular jeans by using a rubber band and tying it through the button hole and fastening it all together by looping the rest of the rubber band around the button. I was so excited that I could actually wear most of my jeans by doing this instead of wearing the huge, goofy-looking maternity jeans. Having comfortable and stylish clothes made working at the diner a lot more bearable when I saw people I knew. My belly was somewhat noticeable depending on what I wore. Some clothing was more concealing like my regular jeans paired with a big hoodie.

During this time, my mother and I went to the local college and I signed up for two classes. The classes would be over by the time Lucy was born and they were general requirements that I would've taken at the University of Georgia anyway. I felt a little better about myself taking some classes. Dropping out of college didn't sit right with me. I didn't want to be the stereotypical knocked up girl—looking to everyone else to pay her ride. I was determined to keep going to school and finish, even if it took twice as long. I, also, didn't want to feel any more judged than I already felt by the stares at the diner and at church—even by CeCe's mother, Beverly. I had caught her looking down at my belly, from across the aisle, during mass. Her face was scowling and she whispered something to James while shaking her head. I wasn't surprised. She would have acted the same way with CeCe if it were her. I didn't tell CeCe about it during our weekly phone calls or she would have called her mother and busted me out. I was just happy that my mother even though disappointed with some of my choices, was supportive and loved me especially during the times I doubted my self-worth and potential. I knew CeCe would've had it worse than I if she were pregnant.

I put my hand on my belly and waited for any movement. A minute passed by and she remained still. She must have kicked herself into a comfortable position and went back to sleep—now that I was wide awake and it was only six thirty in the morning and I didn't have work or school. I figured this was what the next 10 years would hold; early morning rise's with a busy baby, toddler and school-aged-up-at-the-crack-of-dawn kid. I needed to get use to not sleeping, I guessed, and invest heavily in coffee. I turned onto my side and propped a pillow under my belly and one behind my back to get comfortable again. The bed creaked as I heaved myself onto my side.

"Char, are you awake?" I heard my mother whisper quietly into my room from the doorway.

"Not by choice. Lucy was playing the World Cup this morning, in her bedroom." I said, yawning.

"You're so funny. You use to do the same thing to me when I was pregnant with you. I was sure my insides were black and blue from you and your brothers kicking the heck out of me."

"Did you ever pee your pants?" I asked laughing.

"Only a few times." She smiled while reaching out to rub my belly.

"Really? That's terrible." I scrunched my nose, thinking about peeing my pants.

"No, not really; I did leak a little, though. Every pregnant woman leaks a little. Your bladder's like a sponge being rung out every time the baby kicks or moves just the right way."

"Ouch—ugh." I wrinkled my nose again.

"Just wait till childbirth—everything comes out then."

"What? What do you mean everything?" I questioned.

"Pee, poop, baby. All that good stuff."

"That's so embarrassing mom."

"When you get to that point you really don't care—you just want that baby out as fast as possible. Besides, those doctors have seen it all. They don't care."

"Oh gravy." I said, thinking about all the doctors standing there waiting to catch a baby with a mud slide, feeling even more grossed out and embarrassed after hearing that.

"You'll be fine when you get to that point. Anyway...I spoke with Aunt Juanita last night and she's home from Paris."

"Oh she is? I would love to see her. Is she coming over?"

"No, but she did ask if you and I and Evi wanted to come visit her this weekend." My mother said with a tinge of excitement in her voice.

"I'd love to. I have to work Sunday night but maybe I can switch with someone else and then we don't have to rush back." I said, mentally trying to figure out who I could call to switch my shift with.

"Okay, I'll go make some breakfast and then we can leave. If you can't find someone to switch with then we'll just come back a little early," she said, kissing the top of my head before heading downstairs to make some coffee and a quick bite before we left.

"Okay."

Looking at me through the rearview mirror an hour later, my mother said, "I'm so glad you were able to find someone to switch with you. Aunt Juanita will be so excited to see you."

"I know; I'm excited to see her too. At least she won't give me the silent treatment like her brother." I said, looking back at her in the mirror.

"Charlotte Renee your father will get over it. All southern men are stubborn but eventually they come around. Your father loves you very much." She said somewhat defending my father.

Pulling up to the cottage a little bit later, I was ecstatic to see Aunt Juanita. I hadn't seen her since Christmas and now that everyone knew about the baby she would want to talk with me. I was the closest to Aunt Juanita out of all the nieces and nephews. Besides Rosie and Richie—we were both the artsy free-spirited ones in the family who chose to do things that didn't include farming or being a homemaker. Aunt Juanita went to art school while most women, her age graduating from high school, were getting married or having babies. Those who did pursue college were heavily persuaded to choose feminine careers like teaching and nursing for a few years, before leaving the workforce for the child birthing and child rearing days. The black sheep of her family— Aunt Juanita back-packed all over Europe on her own after college, painting beautiful landscapes of sun-drenched French vineyards, Tuscan hillside sunsets, and white and blue Grecian villas overlooking the moonlit Aegean Sea. Aunt Juanita never married and had no children but would whisper to me that if she did have children she would want a daughter like me—I hoped she still felt that way. At Christmas, I was always excited to see what she had for me. Whether it was something she picked up from many of her world travels or something handcrafted by her; it was sure to be great. My room at home was adorned with several pieces of her art and exotic trinkets from places like India and Mozambique. I had long admired Aunt Juanita for her boldness to go after the things she wanted in life and hoped to make my own journey, one day, as fascinating as the stories she brought back from faraway places.

Aunt Juanita's cottage was a small haven all by itself. As a kid, we would visit her in the summertime when my mom needed to get off the farm for a few days. Richie and I, the youngest, usually got to go with her for some R&R. Her cottage, nestled in a mix of magnolia and weeping willow trees, was only a two minute walk to a lake perfect for swimming and fishing. Though the outdoors was a wonderland for our adventuresome spirits, the inside of the cottage was an inviting, cozy, country home. It was filled with Aunt Juanita's paintings and world market finds. A small white picket fence hugged the front edge of her property. Her home reminded me of a Thomas Kinkade painting—a small piece of solace beautifully isolated in the Georgia countryside.

"What took you ladies so long to get here?" Aunt Juanita said as she greeted us at the car.

"We had to stop a few times for bathroom breaks." My mother said as she dropped her bags to hug Aunt Juanita.

"Was that for Evi or my favorite niece with the watermelon squishing her bladder?" She said laughing.

"Hi, Aunt Juanita; it was for both of us." I smiled as I hugged her back.

"Now stand back a moment so I can see your belly. I hear you're having a little girl—that's wonderful." Aunt Juanita said as she rubbed my perfectly-sized cantaloupe.

"Yes, this is Lucy Grace." I said, pointing to my belly.

"Well Lucy Grace, this is your Aunt Juanita—I'm going to be your favorite Aunt." She said with her deep southern tone as she kissed my belly. "How are you Char?" She asked as she took mine and Evi's bags up the porch stairs.

"I'm okay. I'm going to the local community college now; it's not Athens but its okay for now."

"Juanita, I'm going to get momma settled in. I have to take her to the bathroom. Will you pour us a glass of ice tea? We'll be out in a few minutes." My mother said as she walked towards the bathroom with Grandma Evi.

"Sure will." Juanita said taking the bags back to the guest room, where my mom and Evi would stay. "Char, honey, will you get some cups down from the cabinet? I'll be right back."

I pulled down three glasses for us from her cabinet and found the ice tea in the fridge.

"There's a pitcher of sweet tea in the fridge." Aunt Juanita said. "And plenty of ice in the freezer".

"Thanks Aunt Juanita."

"So, how's that daddy of yours?" She asked, looking at me seriously from behind her bifocals.

"Well..."

"Still stubborn?"

"Yeah. He's barely spoken to me since he found out I was pregnant. Momma disappears or pretends not to hear him sometimes when he needs something so he has to ask me for help. She's been trying to get him to talk to me but he just doesn't seem to care." I said, sipping my ice tea.

"Your daddy loves you. He's just mad that someone ran off with your jewels. Dads don't want to think about any boy messing with their little girl. He still sees you as his little girl with your big dimples and curly pigtails, sweet and innocent."

"I know. Mom said he's just worried and doesn't know what to say."

"That's probably right. Your dad never knew what to say when things made him the least bit uncomfortable. He use to freeze up in front of your mother—he got so shy. He's going to come around." She took another sip of her tea, "Nothing can take away his love for you—definitely not you being pregnant with his granddaughter."

"Thanks Aunt Juanita. I just wish he would talk to me. I feel like my life has hit the pause button. I'm trying to accept where I'm at and I just want my dad back."

"Give him time. He may be feeling like he's failed as a father too. Daddy's like to think that they can protect their daughter from all the bad and hurtful things out there. When they realize that sometimes they can't—they blame themselves."

I hadn't thought about that. Maybe he was blaming himself for my pregnancy. It surely wasn't his or my mother's fault. I simply gave into my heart and followed that instead of the wise words and teachings from my parents. I made a mistake. There was nothing more to it except maybe a little naivety on my part.

"Thanks Aunt Juanita. I hadn't thought of it like that. My parents taught me right from wrong. They are not to blame; it was Skylar's blue eyes, big dimples, and sweet charm that lured me from my senses."

"Skylar, huh? Did you ever get a hold of him?" She asked curiously.

"No, I was never able to. Every time I called it either just rang or some Spanish-speaking lady answered. I don't even know if it was his actual phone number but I didn't think he would have given me some bunk phone number."

"Maybe something happened; maybe he has a maid who speaks Spanish."

"I'd like to think that but he had my phone number at home and mom said he never called me."

"Okay. Are you sure one of your brothers didn't intercept any calls?" Aunt Juanita asked as she added more tea to her glass.

"I don't think so. I was really upset and my brothers would have told me if some strange guy called especially after Jewel busted me out at Christmas." I said with a bit of anger, in my voice, when I said Jewel's name.

"Yeah, that wasn't so nice of her. She knew better than to do that. She was just trying to stir up some trouble. She is such a PK kid." My Aunt said, nodding her head.

"Who are you talking about?" My mom asked as she walked in the room with Grandma Evi.

"Jewel," I said.

"Yeah, how did she know about you being pregnant?" My mom asked as she grabbed the two glasses of ice tea for her and Grandma Evi.

"She tricked Richie, who found out by accident, into telling her. She hugged me when she came in and from there she started acting strangely. I think she might have felt my little bump but I don't really know." I supposed.

"Hmm, that's too bad she had to do that." My mom said with my Aunt agreeing.

"Her mom is praying for her. She's been more rebellious over the past few years. Her mom and dad have worried about the influences in her life that are opposite to their spiritual beliefs." My mom said.

"Anyway, how was Paris?" I asked with visions of the Eiffel Tower in my head.

"It was beautiful—cold this time of the year." She said, sipping her tea.

"I brought you and little Lucy something back."

Aunt Juanita always found the neatest things from her travels. I was curious to see what she brought us back. A moment later, Aunt Juanita walked back into the open living room-kitchen area with a small pink bag and a package wrapped in brown packing paper.

"When I saw these I knew they would be perfect for a baby girl." She said, handing me the pink bag with white handles.

As I opened up the bag, carefully, I saw a small package wrapped in white tissue paper. I quickly unrolled the paper and inside found a pair of antique-looking knit booties in a champagne color with rose-pink lace. They were so little and girly.

"They're so cute. You shouldn't have but I'm glad you did." I said, holding them up for mom and Evi to see and touch.

"Well, I'm very glad you like them. I thought they were too precious to pass up." She said, grinning as she passed me the rectangular-shaped package with brown packing paper. "I thought of you when I saw this. I thought it would inspire you to keep pursuing your dreams despite any unexpected blessings."

I quickly pulled the tape off the brown packing paper and removed it to reveal a beautiful Eiffel tower bejeweled like that of a Christmas tree with soft white lights. In the foreground the Seine River with a single boat floating effortlessly reflected the nightscape humming the beauty around.

"Wow this is gorgeous Juanita!" My mother leaned forward for a closer look.

"Did you paint this one Aunt Juanita?" I asked completely in awe of the splendor of Paris captured on canvas.

"No. I was walking down the Seine River boardwalk and saw this one on an easel. The artist was busy working on another picture of the Notre Dame Cathedral and her work was just stunning. I thought this would help propel you out of the slump your mother mentioned over the phone."

"I love it. It's so beautiful." I said holding up the picture at an arm's length to take in the view.

"This is meant to be a reminder that your dreams are not lost— just on hold for a little bit." My Aunt said reaffirming my dreams of traveling the world.

"Thank you so much. I am going to hang it in my room when I get home. And I was not in a slump, mom." I said, raising my eyebrows at her.

"What do you call it then?" My mother asked smiling back at me.

"I'm just tired after being on my feet all day, at the diner, and then running back and forth to school." I said snuggling up with a pillow on one of Aunt Juanita's cozy sofas, covered in pillows and soft fuzzy throws.

"Ahhh, that's what that is. Okay, but I think you're missing CeCe too." My mother suggested.

"How is CeCe?" Aunt Juanita wondered out loud.

"She's good—busy with all her school work and her Tri-Delta girlfriends. We talk every week. She's always telling me about her adventures and the boys she's met and the parties they have with their sorority brothers. You know all that exciting college stuff."

"Do you miss her or college life most?" My Aunt asked.

"I miss her a lot. I wish I were there with her instead. I feel like I'm missing out on everything—like I got short-changed. I'm back here working at a diner and going to a community college with kids who didn't try their hardest in school to get to the school they dreamed about their whole life. I'm knocked up by someone who doesn't even know they are a daddy—like some sort of Jerry Springer episode—that just keeps going and going."

"Charlotte, honey." My mother said as she reached over to me.

By this time I had started crying again and couldn't control the tears from coming. I was angry and sad and frustrated all over again. A picture of CeCe dancing with some cute frat guy at a party flashed in my mind. I hated being angry and feeling sorry for myself but I just couldn't shake the feeling that I was getting the raw end of things here. I was mad that it was me instead of CeCe in my place. I felt guilty for feeling this way. I love CeCe and it's not hers or Lucy's fault. Lucy didn't ask to be born to me and CeCe didn't get me pregnant. I was frustrated with myself for admitting my feelings in front of my Aunt and my mother and only cried harder the more I thought about everything I had said even though it was exactly how I felt. I buried my head in the pillows to cover my tears and blotchy-red face.

"Char, here's some tissue." My Aunt said placing the tissue in one of my hands.

"I'm sorry. I don't know why this is coming out." I said in a muffled, tear-soaked voice from under a pillow.

"It's okay Char. You're upset—it's good to get it out. You don't want to carry that bitterness inside of you. Soon, you're going to be a momma and a good one but you have to make peace with the decisions you've made so you can focus on that little one's needs first. Your life is not over. The excitement is just beginning. You'll lose out on all the good things coming if you get stuck in the past—thinking only about the things you think you've missed." My mother said firmly but tenderly.

"We Buchanan's are strong women. We get mad, we feel sorry for ourselves and then we get creative. We figure out how to get what we want with what we have. We walk in the shadow of the Lord who moves the mountains for us so we can reach our destiny. You just have to enjoy the walk at whichever point you're at." My Aunt said confidently.

I sat up and wiped my eyes off with the tissue. I was still so sad inside but a sense of clarity came to me and I was less angry. I listened closer to these wise women who'd known me since I was in the womb.

"And in the words of a highly controversial and famously beautiful woman, 'sometimes things fall apart so that better things can fall together'." My mother smiled.

"Who—Madonna?" I questioned.

"No, she's a bit more controversial." My Aunt said, knowing the quote. "Marilyn Monroe."

"Oh wow, I didn't know that; it's a good quote." I sniffled.

"It's true too." My Aunt spoke up.

"Life is what we make it. You can either see it as half-empty with broken dreams or half-full with endless possibilities around the next corner. We can choose to look for the good even in the challenging things in life. You have the power to change your fate Charlotte Renee." My mother said, sounding like an inspirational poster.

"Okay ladies, who needs a little fresh air? I'll make some more ice tea and we can take this outside." My Aunt recommended as she headed back into the kitchen.

I sat there quietly while my Aunt and mother bantered back and forth. Evi flipped through some of the magazines on the coffee table, not really stopping to look at the pictures for more than a second or two. I thought about what my mother had said. It was all a matter of how I saw my life. I tried to picture my future a few years from now. I hoped I would be at least half way done with school. I wondered if I would ever run into Skylar. What would I say? What would he do? I started to practice what I'd say and then stopped—feeling it fruitless. There were billions of people on the planet. I'd most likely never see him. Would there be anyone else in my life? Would I still be living with my parents—would I still be working at the diner? The wave of questions drowned me in my thoughts. I guessed if I looked at my future as if it couldn't get any worse but maybe more interesting or more exciting than it gave me something to look forward to besides the pretty little baby I'd be meeting soon. CeCe would be home again within a few weeks and I couldn't wait to see her. I just needed to hold on to all the good things I did have in my life and stop crying over all the things I wished I had. Easier said than done but I've always been up for a challenge.

Chapter 13: Practicing for Lucy

Awake again and only 5:30 AM this time. I needed to figure out how to change this baby's sleeping habits before she came out thinking its normal to wake up before the chickens. She went to bed late, moving and kicking my bladder, and got up way before the sun. This little one, growing in my tummy, already had a mind of her own. I rolled onto my back, feeling slightly short of breath. I looked down and a saw my belly rolling around while I laid still. Lucy was at it again. She must think she's a gymnast I thought—doing summersaults and back flips, rearranging my ribs, bladder and everything else in there. I saw a bulge ripple up and then to my right side. I rubbed the little bulge and felt her gravitate towards my hand. It was like she was trying to snuggle up under my hand. She was still again. I was so tired. My hips were starting to hurt more when I slept and kept me up a while before I could finally fall asleep. I didn't have work or school today and just wanted to sleep some before CeCe arrived later tonight. I rubbed my belly again and didn't feel her moving around anymore. She must have gone back to sleep. I yawned and closed my eyes.

"Charlotte, you have a phone call." I thought I heard my mother say. "Charlotte honey, CeCe's on the phone."

"What time is it?" I asked with my eyes closed.

"It's almost noon—here take the phone. She's waiting for you." My mother said putting the phone in my hand.

"Hello?" I said yawning.

"Good morning sunshine!" CeCe said in a perky voice.

"CeCe, hey, I can't believe I fell back asleep for that long. I was up at 5:30 AM with Lucy. Never mind that—when are you going to be here? I can't wait to see you. I've missed you so much!"

"I'm not sure. Did your mom get a new car?" She asked with a grin in her voice.

"What, no?"

"Are you sure?" CeCe urged.

"Yes, I'm sure." I said sitting up in my bed, attempting to get up and look out the window.

"Hmm, I wonder whose car that is." She said.

"What are you talking about CeCe?"

"That black car sitting in your driveway." CeCe said.

"CeCe; you're here!" I yelled excitedly as I looked out to find CeCe waving at me.

"Yes, I got up at the crack of dawn and came early to surprise you."

"What are you talking on?" I asked realizing that she was sitting in a brand new black Volkswagen convertible.

"Oh, it's a cell phone. My mom and dad got it for me when I went back to school. They were worried about me driving back and forth alone. It's a little big but it comes with its own bag and I don't have to stop to use a payphone now."

"Wow, that's so cool—talk about futuristic! And the car—that's a sweet ride CeCe!"

"Thanks, my dad wanted his SUV back. I wanted an old VW bug but he said he didn't want me to break down on the highway and be stranded somewhere so we agreed on this little gem. Isn't it cute?" She squealed delightfully.

"It's so cute and I'm so jealous." I said smiling back down at her through the window.

"Stop being jealous and get down here so I can hug your neck and take you for a ride."

"Okay, I'm throwing on some sweats. I'll be down in a minute."

I threw on my bra under the tank top I had slept in, pulled on my overalls and flip flops and headed downstairs. Half way down, I heard CeCe talking with my mom and Richie.

"Oh my gravy, it's so good to see you!" I screamed trudging over to tackle CeCe with hugs.

"I missed you too. It's not the same without you bestie!" CeCe said as she met my embrace.

"Wow, she's gotten so big, Char!" CeCe said pulling back to look at my stomach.

"I know; it's like I'm trying to shoplift a soccer ball under my shirt." I said, so happy to see CeCe.

"Is she awake? I want to feel her moving."

"She's sleeping right now. I'm sure she'll wake up the moment I sit down. We're still trying to figure out a schedule here." I said reaching for my mom's coffee cup.

"Oh that's funny. She's feisty just like her Auntie CeCe." CeCe said dropping down to her knees to talk to my belly.

"You do what you need to do and just let me know if that momma's keeping you awake. I know she likes to poke you when you're trying to get comfortable. She told me so when we were on the phone last week." CeCe said nodding her head and rubbing my belly, hoping for any kind of movement from Lucy.

"Auntie CeCe—are you going with Char tonight to her childbirth classes?" My mother asked.

"We're working on breathing and relaxation exercises tonight. I heard we are teaching our partners how to massage us."

"Well that was nice of you." CeCe said turning her head to look at my mother and Richie.

"Yes, indeed. I get a mini massage from the Doula and then one from you—since you missed me so much—it'll be like a little gift from you to me." I smiled from behind my mother's coffee mug.

"Char, I can get you a cup of coffee." My mother said, wondering if she was going to get her coffee back.

"Nah, I don't need to drink too much caffeine—just a little of yours to open my eyelids. Thanks mom." I said, taking another gulp before pushing it back across the table.

"CeCe, would you like some coffee?"

"No thank you; I drank about four cups this morning on my here. I do need to use the bathroom before we go though."

"Yeah, I might have to go supervise these ladies so they don't get into any trouble." Richie spoke up.

"Of course Richie—because I might get more pregnant?"

"I wasn't thinking about that—but good point Char. I just wanted to make sure there was no crazy driving in that little convertible out there with a baby in the car and all."

"CeCe, Richie wants to drive your car." I hollered into the bathroom.

"I know; I figured he would." She said drying her hands on a towel, as she walked out of the bathroom.

"Can I, can I?" Richie asked like a little boy getting his first bike.

"I don't care."

"See you later mom. I love you. We'll be back before dinner." I said throwing a kiss at her from the front door.

"Bye mom." Richie yelled before running down the steps.

"I'll see you for dinner Mrs. B."

"Bye guys, be careful and have fun." She waved to us from the front door.

"Wow CeCe, this is so nice! Leather and a CD player, I'm so jealous! I don't even have a car. I'll have to put the baby on board sign on my bike." I joked.

"You can borrow it whenever you need it—this summer." CeCe said as we all buckled in.

"Oh, thanks. But you'll need it and anyway, you can drive us to the beach." I said stretching out my arms in the backseat, as Richie adjusted the rearview and side mirrors.

"Well, about that. I'm going to be traveling with my dad and grandma."

"For the whole summer?"

"No, I'll be here for Lucy's birth. We aren't leaving until the end of June."

"Oh—oh good. My heart would be sad if you weren't here for her big day."

"I wouldn't miss her birth for anything." CeCe turned around from the passenger seat, smiling.

"Awe—thank you Ce. Where are you going anyway and when are you getting back? I want to be able to see you before you have to go to college." I said grabbing her hand.

"We are going to France and Germany. My grandma wants me to go and see where my roots are from—at least on my dad's side. My dad didn't trust me to go alone with her because he thought I'd probably sneak out at night to go exploring or something."

"You're going to France and got a brand new car?" I asked, dumbfounded.

"One, I'm super jealous and need to be adopted. Two, I think they miss you and are trying to bribe you into coming home more often! I'd try to bribe you myself but I couldn't keep up with your parent's gifts." I said, slightly jealous, on the inside, and excited on the outside, for her.

"Yes, I wish you could go with. I'm not sure about spending the whole summer with my grandma. She's nice—nicer than my mother most of the time. But she always makes snide, little comments about my mom—about her lack of cooking or doing anything herself other than helping to split families apart and billing them for it. She only helps those whose families are already broken and, anyway, I'm the only one allowed to talk about my mother not cooking or whatever."

"I know CeCe. But it's France—you could ignore her little comments and just enjoy being in the most beautiful place in the world. My Aunt Juanita just came back from Paris and brought me the most incredible painting I've ever seen of the Seine River with the Eiffel Tower in the background. I wish I could go to places like that but I'll have to wait before I can go."

"I know; I'm very appreciative. I just don't know that I want to be away almost all summer, in the most beautiful place, without my most favorite person to see it with me."

"Awe; thanks CeCe. You're such a sweetheart. I wish I could go to France with you but I just got cast into my next big play." Richie said pretending to be sad.

"Congratulations Richie, that's wonderful! CeCe said leaning over to kiss his cheek.

"Thanks CeCe, I'd love to be able to go but you'll have a great time—I know you will. One day we'll go together." I said trying to make myself sound and be optimistic.

"Ladies, I don't mind driving but where are we going?" Richie asked loudly as the wind kicked up with the convertible top down.

"I don't care. Drive wherever you feel like going." CeCe said laughing.

"Hey, Lucy said she'd like some ice-cream." I yelled from the back seat.

"Ice-cream it is." Richie yelled back.

I sat back and enjoyed the ride to the ice cream parlor. I had never been in a convertible before. It was really windy from the back seat but it felt nice and open with the warm spring sun shining down on us. I leaned into the side of the car and made myself comfortable. I could see CeCe and Richie talking but only heard muffled sounds, which was okay because I was still a bit tired and now hungry. I looked up into the big blue sky. There were only a few clouds hanging out. It was nice to be together again with CeCe and Richie. I missed her company and her silliness. I had been so tired and very busy between work and school that most of the time seemed to pass by quickly, although my heart felt her absence. I looked forward to hearing her stories and what I had missed. I wondered if she was dating anyone seriously. Probably not, I thought. I thought about all the time she had spent with her new sorority sisters and hoped that she didn't have a back-up for me. Not that I didn't want her to be happy, I just didn't want to be replaced especially by someone who was fake and wouldn't appreciate CeCe for CeCe. I knew there was no replacement for CeCe. She's a one-of-a-kind. I missed the laughter and the trouble that we got into, the times we just hung out when we weren't doing anything special but were together talking or quiet—watching a good movie. I was so glad she was here even if it were only for spring break. I didn't even want to think about her being gone for most of the summer yet. Inside, I felt honored that she was holding off going to France until after Lucy was born; she's a true friend.

We pulled into Oink's Ice Cream Parlor and ordered our ice-cream. I had a triple brownie-fudge sundae with pecans. I loved hot fudge with brownies and pecans and a little bit of vanilla ice-cream. I was craving chocolate. It made me smile after the first bite touched my taste buds. The ooey gooey warm fudge with equally warm brownie bits and pecans mixed with the melting vanilla ice-cream and whipped cream swirled around in my mouth until at last I swallowed it down. I quickly took another breath before reaching for my next bite.

"So, how are the childbirth classes going so far?" CeCe asked as she took a huge bite of blue moon.

"It's okay; I'm the youngest one of course. There are about six other couples in there."

"Are they nice?"

"They're okay. The first class I got a few stares. I'm not sure if it's because I'm so young or they thought mom was my 'partner'." I giggled.

"Hmm, I could be your _partner_ tonight? Hmm?" CeCe smiled with her nose wrinkled, raising her eyebrows again and again.

"Oh my gravy woman—Jerry Springer would call me for his next show then." I continued. "The instructor is really nice and I'm super excited about the Doula too."

"Yeah, that doula thing sounds nice. Do you have to watch the birth video with the baby's head coming out—like in sex-ed?" CeCe asked nervously.

"Yuck CeCe! Thanks for putting that image in my head!" Richie said in disgust.

"No, we didn't watch it because she was afraid some of the dads might get sick and she didn't want to scare them off."

"Wussies!" CeCe said loudly.

"Shhh CeCe—not so loud." I said embarrassed by her frankness.

"Hey there, don't be hating on us guys." Richie barked out in between gulping up bits of banana, fudge and pecan sprinkled vanilla ice-cream.

"It's okay Richie. I'd still love you even if you are on the floor when Lucy comes out. I'd just tell her that you fainted over her breath-taking beauty." I said licking my spoon clean of hot fudge.

"Thanks sis, you know I'm there for you."

"Yeah, yeah, yeah, I know."

"What time did you say your class was tonight parent?" CeCe asked.

I looked at my watch, "about 6:30 PM—we should leave here soon."

"Oh, okay. I just need to stop at home first and change into my yoga pants" CeCe added.

"Since when did you start doing yoga?" I asked curiously.

"All my sorority sisters do yoga every morning—it's kind of like a requirement. You should try it Char. It hurts at first but makes you really limber."

"Obviously, she's already limber enough if you know what I mean." Richie teased.

"Ouch! Stop hitting me!" Richie yelled after moving away from my jab to his right bicep.

"You totally deserved that one!" CeCe said laughing as she we walked out the parlor door.

A short while after dropping Richie off and changing our clothes we were walking into the large carpeted classroom for my childbirth classes.

"I can't believe Richie said that." I said leading us over to where the Doula was standing.

"I know, what a turd! It was a little funny." CeCe said letting out a little chuckle under her smirk.

"Yeah, he's so clever. At least he's on my side even though he loves to give me grief."

"Is that your instructor?"

"Yeah, I'm going to introduce you. She's really cool and down-to-earth. She didn't look at me crazy or judge me when I walked in for classes."

"Hi Megan, this is my best friend CeCe that I told you about. She's home from college and is going to be with me for the labor."

"Hi. I love your hair—those are really nice highlights. Thank you for being good to my Char—she's an incredible person with a ginormous heart! She deserves to be around people who are good to her." CeCe said, holding out her hand to shake Megan's.

"Well, thank you. I think Char's going to be a great mom—she always comes in here, smiling and has the best attitude. I love helping new parent's discover the awesome gift of parenthood. We're glad Char's here." Megan said smiling and rubbing Char's back with one hand.

"Awe, you can keep doing that—that feels really good. Remember I'm the guinea pig tonight." I reminded Megan.

"Yes, yes, I remember. Although some of the dads tried volunteering after they heard I needed a guinea pig to exhibit the different types of massage strokes." Megan said, laughing.

"You know they just wanted you to massage them." I added.  
"I know. It's always the dads wanting to be comforted during childbirth." She said, laughing.

"That's funny." CeCe smirked.

"It's a pleasure to meet you. We've got to get started—I hope you two have fun." Megan said, before she walked towards the front of the classroom.

"I like her." CeCe said as we found a good little spot in the middle of the classroom.

"Okay everyone; find a spot quickly so we can get started." Megan raised her voice slightly above the murmur of the classroom voices.

"I think almost everyone showed up. There are a lot of people here tonight." I whispered to CeCe.

"That's because they're all hoping for a free massage." She whispered back.

"Probably; I'm so excited I need a little massage. My hips and back are starting to be really sore—especially at bedtime when I'm lying in bed.

"As promised, we are working on massage techniques and special stretches tonight to help manage pain during labor. Some of these stretches may also help progress labor." Megan said.

"So are you doing all natural or having one of those shots in your back to help with pain?" CeCe whispered.

"I'm not sure yet. I've been talking to Megan about it. She thinks that I could probably do it naturally since I'm young and fit. I can always change my mind if the pain gets too bad." I whispered back.

"Char, can I have you walk up here? She is my first volunteer tonight. I am going to demonstrate on her to show you where to massage and some techniques to employ when massaging. I will have everyone watch and then you can practice these techniques with your partner while I walk around and check on how people are doing." Megan instructed.

"Char, I'm going to have you sit on one of our exercise balls. These are excellent to use in the labor room when contractions start to progress. Ladies, you can sit on them like you are sitting on a chair. I like to have you bounce lightly to work through the contractions while holding onto a chair to maintain your balance. Partners—while she is bouncing gently you can begin massaging her at the base of her neck. You can also start at the side of her hips, using your palms, if she is having back labor. Go ahead and watch me demonstrate with Char." She finished, pausing to sit down on a chair behind me to begin massaging my neck, while I bounced gently.

Slightly embarrassed by having what felt like a million eyes on me, I tried to relax. I closed my eyes to avoid eye contact with everyone watching. While she rubbed my neck I could feel my shoulders start to drop and my head felt a little heavier as she loosened up the neck muscles supporting my head. It felt so good. I had never had a real massage before—other than the timed massages CeCe and I would give each other when we had sleepovers in high school. We'd turn on MTV and watch videos while we took turns massaging each other for equal amounts of time and watching the clock to make sure it was fair. I hadn't realized how tight and sore my muscles were. All my time spent at the diner carrying those trays and being on my feet running orders had affected my sore and tired body. I was now quite a bit bigger around with Lucy and it was making it more challenging to maneuver around the diner with trays and chairs and tables sat closely together.

My head bobbed a few times as Megan continued to massage and give tips to all those watching. I had silenced everything around me and enjoyed the deep-tissue massage techniques that Megan displayed on my back. As she moved farther down, I could feel my belly and back start to settle into the exercise ball as I continued to bounce. She reached my hips and instructed me to slowly roll back and forth with the ball. She took both of her hands and rubbed in opposite directions on my right hip. It was almost like an Indian rub—but the good feeling kind—not the kind your older brothers give you as a kid as they pin you down with a new wrestling move. I started to feel some air pockets shift around in my stomach. I suddenly became aware of how relaxed my body was becoming and panicked a moment as more air bubbles made their way down my body. I discretely squeezed my butt cheeks to avoid any of those air bubbles from surfacing.

"Okay, everyone give Char a hand. She was a wonderful mannequin. Thank you Char." Megan smiled as she helped me up from the exercise ball.

"Thank you Megan. That was so good." I said floating over to CeCe.

"You looked like you were enjoying that just a bit." CeCe smiled as she wrinkled her nose.

"Oh my gosh—I feel like butter. She could do that all day."

"You got a good fifteen minute massage there lady." CeCe said looking at me and pointing to the clock on the wall.

"It was so good that towards the end I had to squeeze my butt cheeks so I didn't fart. I could totally feel gas bubbles drifting down yonder." I admitted quietly, with a nervous little giggle sneaking out.

"Okay people, I want the moms to place their weight evenly on their shins, with your behind resting carefully on your calves and your legs spread apart just enough to have \your bellies resting in between. Partners, go ahead and get behind them once they are in place." Megan coached.

"No fart bubbles Char." CeCe whispered.

"Shut up CeCe." I squeaked, trying to hold in my laughter and my bubbles.

"You let me know if you feel like one's going to slip out. I'm right behind you—ya know." She giggled back.

"Okay ladies and gentlemen focus. I want to see some of those techniques I showed you. By the time you're done tonight you should all feel pretty comfortable with these massages and stretches."

"Not too comfortable Char." CeCe whispered.

"You're going to make me laugh out a fart bubble if you don't shut up CeCe."

"Squeeze those butt cheeks-those are good exercises I hear."

"You are making me laugh and its kegal exercises that are good for you." I said laughing under my breath.

"Whatever—no fart bubble sharing this evening, sweetie."

"I make no promises. Besides, I had my mom's white chicken chili with lots of beans last night and the residual effects are still coming down the pipe."

"This is going to be a long night. So, how's your dad doing?"

"You mean is he still pretending that I don't exist?"

"Yeah, I guess so?" CeCe said sliding her hands down my back towards my hips.

"He doesn't talk to me unless my mom kind of makes him. She did tell me that he asks about how my appointments went afterwards."

"That's a good start Char. You know he loves you. As soon as Lucy comes out, he'll have to talk to you so he can hold her and love on that little beauty."

"I know he does. I caught him looking at my ultrasound pictures one day when I walked into the kitchen. When he saw me he quickly put the pictures back on the fridge and walked out of the kitchen."

"You know he just can't get rid of the idea that somebody took his little girl's peaches away." CeCe whispered as she pressed on my lower back.

"CeCe!"

"You know it's true."

"Ladies, how are you doing over here?" Megan asked loudly.

"Very good—this one's a model student!" CeCe said pointing at me, curtly.

"How are you feeling Char? How's your lower back feeling?"

"Very good—these exercises are really loosening me up."

"Yeah, really loosening her up." CeCe added.

"Good, I've got one more exercise that I want to show everyone. Do you mind being my guinea pig one more time?" Megan asked with a slight devilish smile.

"Sure," I said warily.

"Okay everyone. I need your attention one more time. If I could get everyone's eyes over here; I've got a great exercise for you ladies when you're having bad back labor. I also like to use it during active labor for women who just need that extra push."

I looked at CeCe as she sported a half-cocked smile and raised eyebrows. I had a feeling I was about to embarrass myself. Soon the whole world would be seeing my lady space in the delivery room—what was one more thing to keep my pride in check, I thought.

"Char, I'm going to have you get down on all fours—with your hands palms-down and knees on the ground."

"Thanks Megan." I whispered.

"I know what you're all thinking...this is how you ended up here tonight." Megan laughed loudly, blushing ever so brightly.

I could see CeCe obviously laughing as she covered her mouth with one hand and held her stomach with the other.

"I like to call this the Momma Elephant stretch. It's excellent to do, for a minute or so to take the stress and weight off your lower back. To protect baby, I recommend making sure you have a good, stable stance. Once you do, you can swing your hips side-to-side, slowly, like a momma elephant to continue the relaxation of those lower back muscles. When you are ready to get up, gently lean your belly back over your legs and do a slight down dog yoga move. I will have Char show you."

Megan manipulated my body, first with the side-to-side movements and then onto the down dog position.

"Once you get to down dog slowly raise your upper body up off the floor."

The momma elephant felt really good on my back. I hadn't realized how much strain this little lady put on my back.

"Thanks Char. I'll have you all practice this move now. Partners, you are there to support them. You can ask your partner what she needs."

"So, I was checking out your butt while you were doing the momma elephant and I honestly couldn't even tell you are pregnant when I was right behind you." CeCe said earnestly while shaking her head.

"Thanks for that. It actually feels really good. You should try it CeCe."

"As I mentioned a few minutes ago, I've used this position many times to help the baby down the birth canal. Especially, when you are dilated to ten and are pushing but just can't seem to get past a certain point. Naturally, gravitation does its job and helps the baby, usually, slide right out."

"Good to know." CeCe whispered.

As I swung my hips back and forth I felt more tiny bubbles moving until silently finding their way to the surface.

"You're supposed to be asking me what you can do for me." I said, jokingly to CeCe.

"What my dear queen can I do for you?" She asked in an English accent.

"I need fresh air." I laughed.

"What? Oh my gosh Char—ugh! CeCe choked as my silent but deadly air bubbles had finally reached her nose.

"Alright everyone, you did a great job. I will see you next week. Class is excused."

"Are you okay CeCe? Should I get Megan over here?" I laughed hysterically, squeezing my butt cheeks as tight as possible to not share any more of my warmth with anyone else.

"Not unless she's got some oxygen I can use." CeCe said as she crawled away in slow motion, pretending to be in a gas chamber.

"CeCe, it's not that bad."

"Sure, no one minds their own stink." She said now laying on her back, collapsed, with her hands holding her throat, coughing, and laughing at the same time.

I held my stomach as I laughed at her overacting. I hadn't laughed this hard since the last time I was with her. CeCe has always been the sister I never had and always wanted—ever so blunt, stubborn, funny, and a heart a mile wide.

"Ladies you are having way too much fun over here."

"I couldn't help it Megan—she shared her fart bubbles with me." CeCe laughed as she picked herself off the ground.

"Well, you know if have to fart now's the best time. Pregnancy gives you a free pass to let it all out. When I was pregnant I always got the worst gas when I was in church. I would squeeze and try to keep it in. The more you squeeze the sicker you feel. Of course, we never sat on the end of the row so I either had to get past like five or six people to get out, all along passing gas in their face as I tried to get out or I could just sit there and fan myself to help dissipate the gas more quickly."

CeCe and I burst out laughing. My stomach began to tighten up and Lucy wiggled around.

"And when people or mostly my husband would give me the stink eye, I just pointed to my belly and acted like it was nothing before avoiding the rest of their stares and sickly-green faces." Megan continued, laughing as she reminisced.

"I'm not the only one then who does that?" I added, straight-faced.

"I like her." CeCe said pointing at Megan.

"Yeah, I'm pretty much awesome. But I've got to kick you ladies out. I've got to get home to relieve my husband from all the monkeys at our house. Be safe out there and remember to take good care of yourself Char. It was great to meet you CeCe." Megan said as she walked us to the door.

"Bye!" We said in harmony as we closed the door behind us.

"I had a lot of fun tonight. Who knew that a whole bunch of hormonal women and childbirth classes could be entertaining?" CeCe said facetiously.

"Who knew, right?" I confirmed her glib comment.

"I can't wait for Lucy to be born." CeCe said a bit more serious now.

"Me too. It's going to change a lot of things though." I said looking down, as we sat in the car, parked in the parking lot of the pregnancy care center.

"Yeah, but not our friendship—I'll always be here for you bestie."

"Thanks," I said squeezing CeCe's hand. "I'm excited; it feels like I've been pregnant forever."

"What's on your mind? I can tell there's more floating around up there." CeCe said squeezing my hand back.

"I don't know. I just always dreamed of a different life for me. I expected to be done with school, happily married to my prince charming, and then pregnant. I just feel like I may never get that chance now to have the happily ever after I've dreamt of since I was a kid."

"Charlotte Renee, you are gorgeous, smart and have the most beautiful heart of anyone I know. Somewhere out there is a man who will be perfect for you and is crazy-mad for this sexy mommy."  
I couldn't help but let a tear slip out. "Thank you CeCe for your kind words. I hope it's true."

"You know it's true. You're too good of a person to not get the best." She said warmly.

"I hope so."

"I know so."

I was glad that she thought so. I hoped so but wasn't convinced that I would end up with a happily ever after with the man of my dreams. I just wanted—needed to feel loved by a man for who I was—baby and all. I prayed that man was still out there somewhere.

"Let's get you home. Mrs. Megan will be unhappy with me if I keep you out too late young lady."

"Okay, I am kind of tired after all that stretching. My body feels pretty good now—I think I got most of my gas out too."

"Man are you telling me—I thought I was going to pass out." CeCe giggled.

Letting out a small chuckle, I turned towards CeCe, "Thank you, by the way, for coming with me tonight. I know this was not on your list of most exciting things to do."

"Girlfriend, you are always on my list of people to do the most exciting things with. Where ever you are, there's life...and that's where I want to be."

"I love you Ce! You are the bestest friend a girl could have!"

"Awe, that's enough sap for tonight. I love you too—no more crying, I don't want to mess up my mascara, lady."

"You're a softy under all that tough girl stuff." I said, leaning back into my seat.

"Whatever—just don't tell anyone." She exaggeratingly pursed her lips as she put the car into drive and headed towards my house.

Chapter 14: Lucy Grace and a Side of Grits

Today was going to be a long day; I had to work a double at the diner. At least I was done with school for the semester. I'd be off of school until the fall, taking a semester to focus on baby Lucy. I was due in one week and was more than ready to be done being pregnant. It was almost June and hotter than hell. I felt like a whale swollen from the heat and swallowed up by my skin; I was puffy everywhere. I mean everywhere. I couldn't see beyond my belly button, which now looked like a very large third nipple. Megan reassured me the protruding nipple was normal and that my belly button would return to normal after Lucy was born. She laughed and compared it to a turkey timer—like the kind that pops up out of the turkey when it's done cooking.

CeCe finished the school year and had come home a week earlier. She'd hang out with me after I got off work in the evenings. Shortly before the diner closed for the day, she'd come and talk to Trudy and the other diner staff, taking full advantage of the left over fries and sweet-talking the cooks to add cheese to them. CeCe was happy to be home before her first trip to France. She had always dreamed of going to Paris but wished she wasn't going for the whole summer—so she could be with me and Lucy.

It was getting harder to carry the platters at the diner, especially when they were full. Trudy always offered to help but I felt bad about having to ask when we got busy. And now all the college kids were back from school and so it seemed we were busy from morning to night with the regulars and the kids with nothing to do but hang out. If I had any pride it was most certainly gone by now as I heard whispers and caught some of my former classmates eyeing my very large belly. I was just glad CeCe wasn't at the diner during those times or she would have had a fine time starring back and making a spectacle in my defense. Gotta love that girl, I thought to myself as I prepared the silverware for the day, shortly before dawn.

"Are we ready to put the open sign on?" Trudy asked as she wiped off the counter.

"I think so." I added putting the napkin-wrapped silverware into the tubs on the shelf.

"You feeling okay today?" She asked.

"Yeah, I'm feeling pretty good despite looking like the Michelin man."

"You are so silly! You are a stick with a low-hanging basketball. By the way, you looked like you dropped. I meant to tell you that yesterday."

"What does that mean?" I asked curiously.

"It means it looks like Lucy is getting ready to pop out any day now."

"That would be nice but I'm not due for another week and my mother said we were all at least a week or more late." I sighed stretching my neck and back out.

"Well, if you start to feel funny—you let me know. Also, no more carrying the trays—I hired a bus boy last week and he's starting today. He will carry your trays and clean up the tables."

"Oh, okay. That's great."

"Char, I mean it. You feel funny, you let me know. You could go any day now and you probably don't want Lucy to be born sunny side up at the diner—do you?"

I laughed, "Preferably not. Besides, I'm not sure if my doula makes diner calls unless you make her a chocolate milkshake."

"I'm serious Char." Trudy said, starring me down.

"Okay, I got it."

That morning was super busy. It was non-stop customer after customer which was good for the tips but taxing on my body. I had been on my feet for five hours already and decided to take a break before the crazy lunch hour herd came in. I had my favorite— cheesy fries and a chocolate milkshake with loads of whip cream and two maraschino cherries. It was so yummy and Lucy seemed to agree.

"Hey there pretty lady." I heard a wonderfully familiar voice call out from behind me.

I turned around to see CeCe. "Hi there lady—what are you doing here so early?"

"Well, I was bored and figured I'd come by for some lunch. My mom wants me to go shopping with her later and I'm not sure what time we'll get back, but I'll stop at your house when we do."

"That sounds fun!" I said licking my milkshake covered spoon.

"Yeah, I could use some new outfits for summer. I think she missed me a little."  
"She has CeCe. She just doesn't seem like her usually high-strung self at mass."

"I guess that's a form of love."

"CeCe, CeCe." I started to say as I heard the door open abruptly with the bell ringing loudly followed by familiar, obnoxious female voices.

We turned to see Veronica Sweetly and several other girls from high school, along with a few new faces, laughing and talking.

"Oh my gosh—I don't want to see her today." I said, hoping she didn't see me as I quickly turned back around to my milkshake.

"That blonde twit drives me nuts." CeCe scowled. "I don't know what Richie sees in her other than her fake boobs."

"Oww!" I said as my stomach suddenly knotted up sharply.

"Are you okay?"

"Yeah, I just had a weird sharp pain all of a sudden in my lower belly."

"You might be in labor Char." CeCe said looking concerned.

"No, I'm fine. It's gone now and I'm not due yet. Besides I have to get back to work but I wish I could hide instead."

"Why?"

"Ughh, I don't want to see Veronica or any other girls from school. I don't want them to say anything about my belly."

"Just pretend she's not here and if she says anything, I'll introduce my palm to her face." CeCe said sternly, giving Veronica the stink eye.

"I'd love to but she's sitting in my section. I have to go take their orders. I feel a little sick."

"Maybe you should go home." CeCe suggested.

"I can't Trudy needs me—we are too short-staffed today. I'll make it through." I said, feeling another little sharp jab in my lower belly.

"Are you sure you're okay Char?" CeCe frowned.

"Yes, it's probably just more gas."

"Well, I'll just go find a little seat maybe next to Veronica and her posse to keep an eye on her."

"Okay, it'll be fine."

I pulled the order pad out from my small black apron and slowly wobbled towards Veronica's table. Out of the corner of my eye I saw CeCe heading for the table directly behind Veronica. Just before reaching the table I felt another strange sudden pain stretch across my belly before it subsided.

"Hi ladies, hi Veronica." I said in the most cheerfully fake voice I could muster up.

"Charlotte Renee—what happened? You look like you gained the freshman fifty." Veronica said in a sickly nice yet counterfeit tone in front of her plastic Barbie-like followers.

"Hmm, no that would be the fishbowl she accidently swallowed." I heard from behind her.

"I'm pregnant Veronica and due in about a week."

"That's strange Richie didn't mention that you got knocked up."

"No, it's my personal life—he's pretty respectful in not gossiping about me or other people. What can I get for you ladies to drink?" I asked, trying to end the conversation from going any further and keep CeCe from flying over the booth and strangling Veronica.

"I'd like a diet Coke," Veronica smiled in an arrogant way.

I took the rest of their drink orders and disappeared towards the bus station to gather their beverages. I began loading up their drinks when I felt another sharp pain and movement in my lower abdomen. I quickly grabbed my belly as this pain tightened across my entire belly and was more intense than the others. I couldn't be in labor, I thought, it would hurt a lot more than this. This felt like the cramps I got on the first few days of my period. I picked the tray back up and headed towards the girls table feeling a little perturbed by Veronica's insolence.

"I think we're ready to order now too." Veronica said as I handed out the drinks.

"What would you like?"

"Hmm, I want breakfast. Can I get breakfast still?" She asked nonchalantly.

"You can get whatever you'd like my dear?" I said in a bubbly voice.

"Okay, I would like two eggs over easy, with grits on the side and wheat toast. Please make sure they don't put butter on the toast. This girl's got a body to keep up." Veronica smiled as she handed me her menu.

"Absolutely, you don't want your boobs to get any bigger." I said, before quickly turning to the other girls at the table for their orders.

That felt a little good, I thought to myself, as I took the rest of the orders and got away from that caddy table as soon as I could. I usually wasn't rude and definitely not as outspoken as CeCe but that girl, for once, was starting to get on my nerves. I could see why she drove CeCe nuts.

"Order in." I yelled as I put their ticket up. "Oh and this one needs extra butter." I said, pointing to Victoria's wheat toast.

I headed back over to CeCe for a few minutes while the order was being made. Victoria's group was the only table so far in my section.

"She's such a you know what—but I won't say it because I'm a lady." CeCe whispered.

"Since when?" I asked smiling.

"Oh miss, can you get me another sweet tea please?" I heard one of the girls say behind us.

"Sure, coming right up." I yelled. "I'll be back, CeCe."

I made my way over to the counter again.

"Isn't that Veronica over there?" Trudy asked.

"Yes it is and she is as pleasant as never." I said, filling up her friend's cup with ice.

"Her boobs look even bigger than last time. She looks like Dolly Parton's younger sister. Doesn't she?"

Trying to hold in the giggles and pee I answered, "Yeah I noticed that too."

"Too bad they can't do brain implants, she could use one." Trudy snickered.

"Order's up." One of the cooks hollered.

"Wow! That was fast Jimmy! Good job!"

"Thanks Char—oh and I put extra butter on the wheat just like you asked."

"You're so good to me." I said as I suddenly felt another sharp-tightening pain on my abdomen.

"Char, let the bus boy carry that tray—you should not be carrying or lifting anything heavy like that." Trudy demanded from behind the counter.

"I've got it. It's okay. I'll ask him for help if I need it. Can you hand me a butter dish please." I said with my tray all loaded and ready to go.

"Here you go." Trudy said, frowning at me with disapproval for carrying the tray.

"Thanks. I'm okay, really."

I turned and trudged towards Veronica's table while CeCe looked onward. The girls were all busy talking, probably about their summer plans or all the fun they were going to have.

"Okay ladies..." I started to say as I felt a sudden and stumbling pain attack my body, causing me to drop the tray on their table abruptly.

"Oh my God—you put grits in my hair!" Veronica scowled from behind her grit-covered face and hair. "You idiot!"

"Char, are you okay? Let me help you." CeCe offered from behind as she picked up a dishtowel from the bus station nearby and walked over to us.

"Are you hurting?" CeCe asked as she placed the wet dishtowel on Victoria's hair and started rubbing vigorously to mop up the grits.

"Get out of my hair! Now!" I heard Victoria scream as my attention turned quickly downward—towards an unexpected gush from below.

"Eww! My feet and legs are soaking wet," shrieked one of the girls followed by Victoria's grousing of wetness on her shoes.

"Trudy put your girls in check!" Victoria demanded as she came swiftly over to me.

"I told you not to carry those trays—are you okay Char?"

"I don't know, I think I just wet myself. And I think I might be having contractions."

She looked at me and the pool of fluid surrounding myself and the floor under the table as the girls continued to moan and complain. "I think your water broke Char—we need to get you to the hospital right away," Trudy urged.

"Her water broke?" Victoria asked disgusted. "Oh my God, you peed on our feet!"

"I will take her to the hospital." CeCe instructed, "Trudy can you call her mom and tell her we're on our way to the hospital?"

"I sure will; don't worry Char, you'll be okay." Trudy said as she hugged me.

"Is somebody going to help us?" Victoria said indignantly as CeCe and Trudy were focused on helping me to the door towards CeCe's car. "Hello, somebody?" Victoria raised her voice, stomping her foot in the puddle of amniotic fluid, causing her to slip and fall in my slimy mess.

The last thing I remember hearing as we neared the car was Victoria screaming in repulsion, followed by, "Oh my God, Oh my God!"

The contractions were coming quickly now and I had never felt pain like this before. It was worse than any imaginable pain or cramp. I started to go white in the face, sweating, and contracting every few minutes with them lasting longer and longer. My lower back burned with pain and I was trapped on a wet garbage bag in CeCe's tiny convertible.

"I promise we'll be there in a minute." CeCe urged, looking very nervous.

"It hurts so bad!" I said, grimacing between contractions.

"Just breathe—remember what Megan said."

"I'm breathing but it feels like a semi-truck is trying to come out of my vagina."

"I'm sorry, we're almost there I promise. They can give you something when we get there." CeCe said, mashing on the gas pedal.

"Ahhh, I want an epidural."

"I can see the hospital emergency sign. We're there, we're there." CeCe looked relieved as we pulled under the ER awning.

"I'm feeling a lot of pressure all of a sudden down there."

"I'll be right back; I'm getting you a wheelchair. Don't have that baby while I'm gone."

"CeCe hurry, please." I moaned.

"I'll be back, don't sneeze." She giggled nervously running towards the ER doors.

"So not funny Ce—hurry!"

Tears were streaming down my face and I could barely breathe as another contraction struck across my belly, causing a lot of pressure below. As I lay there, trying not to have the baby in CeCe's car, I heard someone calling my name from off in a distance.

"Char, honey, we're here. We're coming." I heard my mother say as I looked up to see both of my parents serious-faced, running across the parking lot. "Hold on baby; we'll be right there." She said, again, just several feet away now.

"I got it, I got it!" I heard CeCe saying running towards me with the wheelchair and a lady in green scrubs close behind.

"What do you want us to do?" My mother asked concerned.

"I'm in so much pain." I cried.

"My name is Beth, I'm a nurse. I need you to tell me how close your contractions are." She said calmly.

"I don't know, they just keep coming, from one to the next." I said bent forward, holding onto my stomach."

"She said she has a lot of pressure down there and her water broke about 20 minutes ago." CeCe said anxiously.

"Okay, before we move you into the wheelchair, I need to take a quick look." Beth, the nurse said.

"Here, in the parking lot?"

"Yes, I need to see if the baby is crowning."

"Okay, dad can you turn around?" I asked still writhing in pain.

"Yes honey." He said tenderly.

"Okay, I'm going to pull down your pants. I need your help. Stay with me." Beth said, opening the car door.

"Ahhh, it really hurts." I cried, "I need something for the pain. It hurts so badly!"

"Okay, let me take a quick look and we'll get you going."

"Can you do that inside?" My dad asked quickly.

"I don't want to chance having the baby pop out on the way to the delivery room." The nurse said bending down to look.

"I need you to spread your legs as much as possible." She said in a calm and professional manner.

"I'm trying, it really hurts." I said sniffling and knuckling the middle console to help the pain shooting throughout my body.

"Okay, you are crowning but I think we have enough time to get you to the delivery room."

"Mom, I forgot to call Megan. Can you please call her? I want her there." I said, crying.

"I called her before we left the house. She's on her way."

"Thank you mom—it really hurts. Don't leave me please." I said grabbing her hand as she and Beth helped me into the wheelchair.

"I'll be right there Char; I'm going to park the car. Hold on sweetie, you're almost done." CeCe said as she gave me a quick kiss on the forehead.

"Okay, hurry. I want you in there, CeCe."

"I wouldn't miss it for anything!" CeCe exclaimed as my mother pushed me towards the ER doors with my dad beside me and Beth directing us.

Bright lights covered my face doubling me over. I just wanted this baby out. It was so bright and I hurt all over. I cried as I had no idea how I was going to actually push this baby out. It hurt so much."

"Okay, right in here." Beth directed us straight into one of the birthing rooms.

I looked over and caught a glimpse of my father's face. He looked worried—unlike any expression I had seen before. He stood quietly in the corner holding onto our purses and things as my mother and Beth helped me into the bathroom to change into a hospital gown.

"Okay, things are going to get really busy in a few minutes. You need to tell me who you want in the birthing room. Everyone else can wait outside." Beth said firmly.

"I want my mom and CeCe, my best friend. She'll be right back. Can I have an epidural—it really hurts—I need something for the pain. I feel like my vagina's going to explode."

"Honestly, you are past the point where you can get an epidural. As soon as we get you on the bed you're going to need to start pushing." Beth said.

I cried harder. I couldn't take any more pain.

"I can't do it. I need something—it hurts." I sobbed.

"You'll be great. This baby will be here in the next 20 minutes or less." Beth encouraged.

"Honey, you can do this. We're here with you." My mother said.

"Okay, are you ready?" Beth asked. "Let's get you on the bed.

"There you are! Just the pregnant lady I was looking for." I heard Megan say jokingly as my mother pushed my wheelchair into the delivery room.

"I'd laugh if I weren't in so much pain. You've got to get me something. It really, really hurts. I can't take the pain." I moaned feeling immense pressure and pain radiating throughout my abdomen and down to my feet.

There were now several people in the room dressed in green scrubs setting stuff up rapidly. There was a large bright light shining over the upright bed, covered with blue and white chux pads, with stirrups. Over in the corner was a tiny clear basket-like table, with a soft light beaming down.

"Let's get this show on the road. That baby is waiting to meet you. You can do this, trust me. You are strong and able Char." Megan said, looking me in the eye.

"Okay dad it's time to have you go outside. We'll keep you posted." Beth urged.

"Okay," my father said obediently.

"Dad, wait—can you pray for me please?" I asked wanting my father near enough to be the watchful, protective father he had always been to keep me safe and assure me in times I was scared.

"Sure honey." He said, walking towards me.

"Okay, as soon as you are done, it's time to push." Megan said.

My father smiled, gently, at me. This was the first time he had really looked at me or spoken to me in months. "Dear heavenly father, thank you Lord for my Charlotte. Thank you for giving her to me and for the light she shines in our lives. Lord I pray that you would bring her daughter safely into this world, that she may also continue to shine your light and that you keep my baby daughter and Lucy safe from all harm. Lord give her the strength now, we pray, and a healthy baby girl. Lord, we also ask that you give peace and wisdom to those helping her bring this new life into the world. We thank you Jesus and praise you for your goodness and love."

I opened my eyes, filled with tears and squeezed my father's hand as tight as I could. I saw the love in his eyes that had seemed empty these last few months. He too had tears in his eyes.

"I love you Char." My father said as he hugged me tightly, sniffling back tears. "You'll do great honey. I'll be right outside." He said as he released me and walked toward the door, with his face shinning back at me.

"I love you too daddy." I said crying.

"Okay, Lucy is crowning. That means I can see her and she's got a head full of hair." Megan said smiling.

Just then the door opened and in came another lady in blue scrubs with CeCe right behind her.

"I'm back sweetie. Thanks for waiting for me." CeCe giggled.

"Yea! This is Barb—do you remember her? She's one of the nurse midwives and she and I will be working with you to deliver Lucy." Megan said excitedly.

"Hi Char." Barb said as she moved into position beside Megan.

Another stronger contraction hit and I could barely breathe. My mother stood by my left side while CeCe stood on my right.

"Okay Char, I want you to take a deep breath in after this contraction and then I want you to give me a nice steady, strong push as you exhale out during your next contraction. You let us know when you're ready." Barb said confidently.

"Ahhh!" I screamed as I inhaled in feeling the next contraction hit.

"Okay, give me a nice push." Barb directed.

"Ughh....ahh." I screamed again, "it hurts!"

"You're doing great." Megan encouraged.

"You're doing wonderful." My mother said holding my leg.

"I want her out! It really hurts."

"Give me another push when you're ready." Barb said.

"Char, where's it hurting the most?" Megan asked.

"It hurts all over; but my back is the worst and my vagina feels like it's on fire."

"Okay, do you trust me?" She asked

"Yeah, just get this baby out."

"Okay, she's ready to come but it looks like she might be stuck on your pelvic bones." Barb said.

"What does that mean? I don't want a C-section." I cried, feeling another contraction taking over my body.

"Char, we're going to try another position. It should help the baby come out easier. We will not do a C-section unless you have to but you can do this." Barb instructed.

"Do you want her to get on all fours?" Megan asked, looking at Barb.

"I think that would be a good start."

"Char, do you remember the momma elephant stretch we practiced in class?" Megan asked.

"I do." CeCe said anxiously.

"Yes, will that get her out—I want her out! I can't do this."

"Yes, it should help. Slowly cross over your left knee over the right to turn to your side so we can help get you into position." Megan said.

"The gravity in this position can make a baby quickly slide out and we want to be ready to catch her." Barb said.

"Okay, please hurry though."

"Okay, good job. Go ahead now and bring your other leg around and push onto your knees." Megan said.

I felt a small sense of relief as I got into position. The pain lifted, slightly, from my back and I felt her even lower in my crotch.

"Oh this is perfect, her head is much lower now. Does this feel better Char?" Megan asked.

"Yes, it feels better on my back."

"Okay, we're ready for you to push. Are you ready to meet your daughter?" Megan asked happily from behind her blue face mask.

"Yes," I cried. The time had finally come that I had been waiting months for. I was suddenly overcome with emotion and could not control the tears from falling.

"Okay, push." Barb instructed ready and waiting to catch Lucy.

"Ahhh." I screamed feeling fire from below as I gripped the sides of the bed, sinking my head deeper into the soft pillow.

"Oh my gosh—there's her head!" CeCe cried.

"You're doing great. I want you to just breathe now and not push.

"Is she almost out?" I asked when suddenly I heard a tiny little cry rise up into the air.

"We are suctioning her mouth and nose Char—you're doing great. You're almost done. When I say push again, this will be it. I want you to give me one strong push to get her out. As soon as she's out, we will help to turn you over. We still need to deliver your afterbirth, but we always strive to get baby as close to mom as possible. So we will put her on your chest and work on delivering the afterbirth right after, Okay? Are you ready?" Megan asked.

"Yes, I just want her out now. It burns; it really hurts!"

"Okay, push."

With one final vigorous push, with my nails dug into the pillow, I felt her slide out and a tremendous sense of pressure and pain relieved. I could hear her crying. She sounded pretty mad.

"Oh she's so beautiful honey." My mother cried as I turned around and saw this tiny little, loud human being for the first time.

"Oh my goodness—look at all her hair! She's so cute Char!" CeCe elated.

As the other nurses in the room helped me to turn around all the way, I sat up in bed. Megan moved towards me with Lucy, still voicing her presence wrapped in a white, pink, and blue newborn hospital blanket. She laid her on my chest with her face starring up at mine. I felt tears begin to gush uncontrollably. She was so tiny and so loud and all mine.

"I want you to rub her to help get her circulation moving and keep her warm." Megan said as she wiped the blood and wetness off Lucy."

"She looks like you Char—she has your nose." My mother said stroking Lucy's hair.

"Awe, she's got dimples just like us mom." I said, still teary, watching Lucy yawn.

"In just a minute, we will move her over to the table in the corner so we can weigh her, do an Apgar test, and keep her warm. We will return her as soon as she's done and Barb has delivered the afterbirth. It won't take long." Megan added.

"Okay." I couldn't believe she was here. For months I felt her rearranging my insides and keeping me up at night. I was so tired and sore but all I wanted to do was stare at her. Her nose and lips were so little. As she squirmed in the blanket I saw her tiny little neck and her deep dimples as she yawned again.

"Are you going to be breastfeeding?" One of the nurses asked as she came closer to me.

"Yes,"

"Okay, I'll send the lactation consultant down to meet with you. It's good, especially for first-time moms to have some extra support with nursing. She's really nice and can give you a few helpful tips that should make nursing your baby easier."

"Thank you. I'm sorry to ask but I'm so tired but really hungry. Is there any way I can get some food to eat?" I said, feeling almost lifeless.

"Absolutely, there's a menu beside you. In a few minutes, if you want to look in there you can order from the kitchen downstairs and they'll bring up your food." She smiled nicely.

"Thank you so much." I said as I held little Lucy close.

"She's so cute, I just want to smooch her." CeCe said, rubbing her blanketed feet.

"She's so perfect." I starred at Lucy as she was now quiet and seemed to be sleeping.

"I can't wait for your father to see her. She's really beautiful Char. You did a great job honey." My mother said kissing the top of my head.

"Thank you mom." I sniffled as I leaned my head into her side, from the bed.

"Okay Char, we're going to take Lucy over here and Barb's going to finish up with you. Then you can order some food and hang out with Lucy. Sound okay?" Megan asked.

"Okay." I said, handing my little sleeping bundle to Megan.

"What a pretty baby." Megan said as she carried her over to the small weight scale enclosed with clear see-through plastic sides.

"Alright, I'm going to need you to push, just like before. You're going to feel some pressure. I will also be applying some pressure on your stomach to help bring it all down."

"I'm so tired. Is it going to hurt more?"

"It's not going to be comfortable but it's much smaller and just tissue with fluid so it's not as difficult to push out."

I pushed and worked with Barb to deliver my placenta while my mother and CeCe stood near Lucy whispering, pointing at her small body, and smiling. I couldn't get past how small she was and yet still her own little being. I began tearing up again as I couldn't believe the miracle I was witnessing.

"Alright, she weighs 6 lbs. 3 oz. and is 19 ½ inches long." Beth, the RN said proudly.

"She is really little." My mother said smiling at her first grandchild.

I could see Lucy's fingers flexed out with her arms waving in the air as they continued poking and prodding her.

"Just about done Char; you did a wonderful job." Barb grinned.

"Thank you. Can I have Lucy back?" I asked feeling a wave of fatigue rolling over me.

"Almost; are you feeling okay Char?" Barb asked.

"I'm just so tired and I feel like all my blood just drained out of me."

"You're looking a little pale. We're going to get you on some Iron supplements right away. You might want to order some red meat from the menu too. It will help to start replenishing your red blood cell count from the blood loss during delivery."

"Okay."

"I'm going to get some ice for your bottom, some tucks pad and some numbing spray—this will help with the soreness. The good news is that you didn't need any stitches. Your skin is very elastic and should stretch back to normal because you're young and healthy. But you'll be feeling some discomfort for a week or two so I want you to take it easy. No sex or exercise yet-not at least for the next six weeks anyway. Okay?"

"Not a problem." I smiled facetiously, looking at my mother as she smiled back at me, nodding her head, with one eyebrow raised while CeCe smirked.

"Can I have her dad come in now?"

"Oh sure. We are all done and so is Lucy." Megan said as she handed me Lucy back.

"Make sure to get some red meat, okay Char." Barb said. "You did great, enjoy that precious little one, she's a looker." She smiled as she patted my shoulder before heading towards the door.

"I'll be right back. I'm going to get your dad." My mother said.

"Thank you Barb and Megan so much." I said as they both opened the door to exit the room, followed by all but one of the nurses.

"Is there anything else I can get for you?" A nurse, whose name badge read Joyce, asked.

"Can I get a cup of ice water?"

"Sure, or we also have grape, apple, or orange juice?"

"Oh, grape juice sounds really good."

"Okay, I'll bring you some ice water and some grape juice. Would you like anything?" She asked kindly looking at CeCe.

"Oh no, that's okay. Just worry about her."

"It's okay, I'd be happy to get you something too." She pressed.

"Well okay, since you're so pushy." CeCe said jokingly. "I'll have a grape juice too please. Thank you."

"You are welcome ladies," she smiled, "I'll be right back with your drinks. Don't forget to look at the menu and order some food for yourself."

"Thank you Joyce, I will."

"I'll be back shortly, ladies."

"I hear I have a really pretty little granddaughter with dimples a mile deep." My father said in a reserved voice, as he slipped through the open door behind Joyce leaving.

"Hmm...Yes, she's gorgeous. She looks just like me." I joked.

"Well, let's hold her and compare." My father joked back, walking over to my bedside.

"Where's mom?" I asked, noticing that she didn't follow him back in.

"She'll be right back; she had to get something." My father said, pulling a chair over to the bedside.

"Come here little one. Meet your papa." My father said as my eyes filled up with tears all over again.

"Sweetie, I'll be right back. I've got to go get something." CeCe said excusing herself.

"Okay, I'll see you shortly." I heard the door close behind CeCe before whispering to my father, "She's so little, isn't she dad?"

"She's beautiful." He said without taking his eyes off her. "She looks just like you did when you were born but with a black wig. You were bald for at least the first two years." We laughed.

"Thank you dad," I said feeling a heaviness in my heart.

"It's true."

"Dad"...I started but struggled to continue.

"Dad...I"

"I'm sorry Charlotte." He interrupted before I could muster up the strength to finish my sentence. "I'm sorry that I ignored you and that I hurt you honey." He said with a single tear dropping onto Lucy's blanket.

Fighting back the tears, "I'm sorry too. Dad, I never meant to hurt you. I'm sorry."

"Charlotte, you've always been the apple of my eye. I just want the best for you _and_ your brothers. I was mad that you didn't listen to us—you know I worry about you. I just didn't want you to have this responsibility all on your own. But she's absolutely perfect. You couldn't have done better than her." He said stroking her tiny pink cheeks, all nestled in the bundled blanket in his arms.

"Thanks dad." I said wiping my eyes.

"I love you honey."  
"I love you too dad."

"Knock, knock." I heard my mother's voice behind a bouquet of bright pink and orange flowers.

"Awe, they're pretty mom." I said feeling a wave of drowsiness sweep over me.

"I thought you could use some pretty flowers. Did you order your food yet?" She inquired as she set the flowers down by the sink.

"No, I'm going to right now. I think I'm going to have a big juicy burger." I'm so hungry."

"Good choice—the nurse said red meat would be good for you right now." My mom said pulling a chair over to be closer to Lucy.

"Isn't she beautiful? Her little nose and tiny mouth are perfect. She's got our dimples too dear." My mother said to my father.

I looked through the menu quickly so I could order and take Lucy back. I just wanted to hold her and kiss her small oval face. I thumbed through and found a cheeseburger, fries, and chocolate pudding for dessert. I picked up the phone and pressed three for the kitchen and ordered my food.

"They said my food should be up in about fifteen minutes." I said, feeling starved and sleepy. "Can I hold her?" I, shyly, asked my dad.

"Oh sure, sorry." He said, standing up slowly to place her back into my arms.

"Hello." I heard an unfamiliar female voice.

"Hello." I said, peeking around the curtain towards the door.

"Hi, I'm Amber. I'm a nurse from post-partum. I'm going to help transfer you to your new room and get you out of labor and delivery. Just stay there—when we have all of your things ready to go I will get a wheelchair and take you and your little bundle over there."

"Okay, will they know where to deliver my food? I'm so hungry and they'll be up soon."

"No problem; I'll call them from here and let them know your new room number. It should probably be waiting for you once we get everything packed and ready."

"Oh good; I'm hungry and so tired." I said, yawning while rubbing one of Lucy's tiny fingers.

"Once we get you over there and you have a chance to eat some I'll call the lactation consultant to come and meet with you. I'm sure that when this pretty little baby wakes up, she's going to be hungry." Amber said sweetly, while getting things ready for the move.

"Okay. Hey mom—where's CeCe? Did you see her downstairs?"

"I saw her run out to the parking lot. She said she'd be back in just a bit honey." My mother said packing up my purse, clothes and shoes.

"Oh, that's weird. Mom, is grandma coming?"

"Yes dear—Rose is watching Evi and will bring her shortly when the boys are done at the farm."

"Good, thanks."

"It looks like we have everything ready. Char, I'm going to help you into the wheelchair. Can we have your mom hold baby?" Amber asked.

"Sure, I'd love to." My mother piped in.

"First, I want you to sit up slowly and then we're just going to slide your legs over the edge of the bed and let them dangle. I don't want you to get up just yet. Sometimes with all the blood loss after delivery people are just a little weaker at first. If you feel dizzy or lightheaded just let me know."

"Okay," I said as I sat there with my legs hanging.

I looked over at my mother and caught her rubbing Lucy's cheek as she swayed slowly from side-to-side, humming softly. My father stood beside her, smiling, watching Lucy as she squirmed slightly when my mother stroked her tiny pink cheeks.

"Are you ready? I will help you down and into the wheelchair." Amber said.

"I'm ready. I'm ready for my burger too. I have never been so hungry in my life."

"I'm sure it will be there just as soon as we get to your room." Amber reassured me.

Amber rolled me down the hall and into my new room where I would stay for the next two days. I had a private room with a sea-green loveseat that pulled out into a small bed. There was a large window with the late afternoon sun peeking through and a small white board that read _Welcome, today is June 1_ st _._ Below it read _Amber, RN will be your nurse_ and _Kirsten will be your nurse's aide._ Amber rolled me close to the bed and put the wheelchair locks on each wheel. She helped me up and onto the bed in a sitting position, again, with my feet dangling over the edge.

"Ughh." I murmured.

"Are you okay?" Amber asked?

"I'm kind of hurting down there. It's really sore." I quietly said as I didn't want my dad hearing all the personal details.

"I'm going to check you in a minute and get you set up so you can be more comfortable." She said.

"Good, it's really uncomfortable." I said in a low tone.

"Grandma and Grandpa, I'm going to have you step out of the room for a minute. You will need to put her in this little bassinette here while you step outside." Amber said as she helped to pivot my legs up and into bed.

"Oh that's fine." My mother said laying Lucy in the bassinette.

Amber waited until the door closed behind them and pulled the curtain around putting a barrier between me and the door. "Okay, so I'm going to get an ice pack for your peritoneum and some spray that will help numb the area some. We will check you every few hours today and will change out the ice packs then too. Getting the swelling down from the trauma of having a baby will help to ease the pain. We will use some tucks pads too to help cool the sting."

"Will it feel better soon?" I asked hoping for something to take away the pain.

"Yes, Barb also ordered some Ibuprofen to help with the pain and inflammation but the ice should be a nice addition." She added as she prepped the ice-pack, tucks pad, and spray to relieve me.

"Oh good." I said, lying back as she eased the mesh-like disposable hospital underwear with ice pack up my legs.

"This will be cold at first but you should start to feel pretty good soon. I'm going to spray this numbing spray on you before I place the tucks pads in place. I'm going to get the Ibuprofen and," she paused as she read her sheet, "it looks like Barb ordered some Iron supplements too. Your mom and dad can come back into the room now." She said pulling open the curtain.

"Wow, that's cold but it feels good."

"Hey honey, we're back."

"Hello, Charlotte?" I heard another unfamiliar voice behind my dad say.

"Hi." I said, seeing a petite blonde-haired lady standing in the doorway. "I'm Teyah, the lactation consultant. I am getting ready to leave for the day and wanted to see you and your little blessing before I do. Is this your first baby?"

"Yes and her name is Lucy Grace." I said feeling a burst of pride roll up from the depths of me.

"What a beautiful name. Are you interested in breastfeeding or bottle or both?"

"I want to breastfeed unless I can't." I said, watching Lucy in her little bassinette through the clear sides.

"Well, I can show you some different types of breastfeeding positions and give you some tips. Have you had any leaking from your nipples?"

"No, I don't think so." I said, feeling my cheeks burn with embarrassment as my father stood nearby.

"I'm going to go get some coffee downstairs." My father abruptly interrupted as he disappeared just as quickly.

"Oh thank goodness. I'm a bit embarrassed talking about that stuff with my father in here." I said, looking at my mother and Teyah.

"Oh, I'm sorry." Teyah apologized.

"Oh no, it's okay. He was probably just as embarrassed." I said as my mother and I let out a giggle.

"Most women's milk takes a few days to come in after childbirth but that's okay because you are producing colostrum which has the important nutrients your baby needs now. It's not much but Lucy's tummy is so small that for the first few days she only needs a very tiny amount to satisfy her. Also, a newborn will sleep quite a bit the first few days—recovering from the birthing process. So, you do not need to worry about her not eating much as long as she is wetting her diapers regularly." She finished.

"That's good to know because I don't think my milk has come in and I was worried."

"I can show you some breastfeeding positions right now if you'd like. We can wake up Lucy." Teyah suggested.

"Okay, mom will you hand me Lucy?" I asked ready to take Lucy back into my arms so I could cradle her and kiss her tiny face again.

"Sure, nana will hand you Lucy." My mother smiled, looking down at Lucy as she took her back into her arms.

"Thank you mom." I said as Lucy's tiny figure melted into my embrace.

"Okay, the first position is the traditional nursing hold that you see most of the time." Teyah said as she propped a pillow below my left arm and positioned Lucy right at my breast.

I heard Teyah speak almost as a bystander. I ran through the motions all the while adoring this most perfect being in my arms. I was so tired and felt like I was on sedatives—feeling a slight wooziness as I attempted to breastfeed Lucy for the first time. I heard her cry again as we nudged her gently awake from her deep sleep to feed. She opened her little mouth wide and latched on after a few moments before crying some more and again finding her way back to my breast. She kept her eyes closed with her tiny hand perched on my chest as if she were holding on.

"She seems to be nursing but it's a little uncomfortable. Will it always feel this way?" I asked hoping the soreness would go away.

"You're doing great." I heard Teyah say. "It is normal for your nipples to be sensitive especially as a new mother. It will get better with time."

"Oh good, thank you," I said yawning.

"Knock, knock, food service. Your dinner is here." A lady in a white apron announced as Lucy jumped with the sudden break of noise.

"Oh good, I'm so hungry." I exclaimed smelling the medium-well done burger wafting in my direction.

"I will be back tomorrow and will check on you two. If you have any questions about breastfeeding the nurses are pretty knowledgeable so you can ask them or let me know tomorrow." Teyah said as she backed away from the bed.

"Thank you for your help." I said as I concentrated on the bedside tray, with my food, rolling towards me.

"You are welcome. She's beautiful and you're doing a great job." Teyah smiled as she neared the door.

"Thank you, have a good night." I called to her.

"You too." She said disappearing quietly.

"I'll take her if you want to eat." My mother offered.

"Thanks. I wonder where CeCe is. I thought she was coming right back." I said, stuffing a ketchup-soaked French fry into my mouth.

"She'll be back soon, I'm sure."

"I'm sure she will. I just wanted her to be here." I said, feeling slightly annoyed that she was here briefly and gone already.

I inhaled my burger as if I hadn't eaten in weeks. My fries were gone within a minute or two of finishing my burger. I had never been that hungry. The energy it took to bring little Lucy into this world had taken just about all the strength out of me. But she was here, finally, and she was so beautiful and so tiny. I sat back and drank my grape juice while my mother hummed _you are my sunshine_ to Lucy.

"When you were little I use to sing _you are my sunshine_ to you too." My mother said looking up at me with a smile.

"I know, I remember. You would sing it to me after my Bible story until I fell asleep." I recalled fondly.

"I sure did. I know Lucy will bring as much joy to you as you continue to—to us. Parenthood is not for the faint of heart but it can be very rewarding too." My mother said in her gentle and wise way.

"I'm sure I'll screw up. You've always been a great mom."

"Not always. I make mistakes and you will too. But if you ask God for wisdom and direction and not beat yourself up when you make a mistake, you'll do just fine." She said looking down at Lucy.

"Thank you mom for everything—especially for helping me through all of this. I couldn't have done it without you. I still feel alone in this but I'm so thankful for your support."

"God knew what he was doing when he created mothers and fathers. I'm here for you and I'll always be your biggest fan. One day, I know, there will be the perfect guy for you and Lucy. God's always got a plan for us even when we don't see one—He's the God of second chances."

"Thank you mom, I may need these reminders for a while. I know God has the best laid plans for us—I just don't see one yet. And I'm thankful for Lucy; I still can't believe she's here. She's kind of intimidating, I mean, I just want to do right by her and I still have a happy ever after. I wish Skylar was here."

"All good things in good time. For now, you have a beautiful gift in a tiny package." She grinned, flashing our infamous dimples that Lucy shared with us.

"I know; she's kind of awesome isn't she?"

"Hi there," Amber popped back in. "I need to take Lucy back to the nursery for just a little bit and then I can bring her back. How are you feeling?"

"I'm sleepy but I feel so much better. Dinner was good for hospital food." I yawned.

"You could probably benefit from some rest. We can keep her in the nursery tonight if you want to try and get some sleep." Amber offered.

"I'm not sure. I just kind of want her to be with me. Is that okay?"

"Sure, we'll continue to check on you every few hours for vitals and make sure the bleeding stays under control. If you decide you need help, then we can take her back to the nursery." She replied.

"Okay, I guess that works."

"Char, once you get home, it'll be a while before you get normal sleep. And then normal sleep becomes a different kind of normal sleep." My mother interrupted.

"I'll think about it." I said leaning forward to smooch Lucy before Amber rolled her to the nursery.

"I love you Lucy. Don't you go talking to any boys in there," I jokingly whispered.

"Unless it's your papa," My mother chimed in.

I leaned back watching Amber roll Lucy out of the room.

"You could take a little nap while she's in there. I'm going to go find your dad and see where your grandmothers and brothers are." My mother said standing up to kiss me.

"That sounds good, I guess. I'm so tired." I yawned again.

I pulled the covers up to my neck and positioned the pillows under my arms just right and squirmed into a comfortable position. I don't remember my mother leaving and I was out shortly thereafter.

"Char, let's make tonight last a lifetime." I suddenly saw Skylar's bronzed face appear. I was speechless. The cabana—the smell of warm vanilla and beach sandalwood—it was all floating around my head. He was wearing the cardigan and holding a bouquet of flowers.

"What's happening? Where have you been? Skylar?" Confused, I looked around.

I reached out to grab him and suddenly found myself nearly falling out of bed.

"Ouch." I writhed back in pain. I was quickly reminded that I had just given birth a few hours ago.

I had only been dreaming. Why now? I hadn't dreamed of Skylar in so long. It had helped that I hadn't. Every time I dreamed about him it brought me back to that night. As much as I tried to let it not affect me my heart still ached when I thought of Skylar. A dream was worse—he was so real and close, again. I sat there, silent, for several moments arguing, internally, whether or not I wanted to feel that part of myself or to fight it so I could protect my heart. I looked over at the clock. It was 7:30 PM. Wow, I had fallen asleep for some time. Where were Lucy and my parents? Where was CeCe—did she ever come back? I sat up and contemplated getting up. It was so quiet. I spotted balloons and more flowers over in the corner by the window. Someone had been here. The bassinette was still gone. I reached behind me and felt my cool skin. I found the strings and tied the hospital gown as tight as possible. I pivoted my legs over the side of the bed. I could feel the ice had melted somewhat. I wanted to go find Lucy and my parents but I didn't want to drip water down the hall. I pushed the call light to the nurse's station.

"Hello," a nurse called back over the speaker.

"Hi, I want to get up and go to the nursery but I need to use the bathroom first."

"Okay, I'll be right down." She replied.

I sat there with my legs dangling. I was still a bit lightheaded. Images of Skylar flittered through my head while I waited. I could smell his scent—the one I smelled on his sweater and neck that night and a strange feeling of contentment fell upon me.

"Hi there, I'm Rebecca. Amber's shift ended and you were sleeping so she didn't want to disturb you. I will be your nurse till seven AM tomorrow morning."

"Okay, thanks. I want to go to the nursery, if that's okay and see Lucy."

"That's a pretty name—is that what you named your little one?" Rebecca asked.

"Yeah, Lucy Grace," I smiled, attempting to stand.

"What a sweet name. I'm going to help you over to the bathroom and we can get you all cleaned up and then you can walk down to the nursery if you're feeling well enough."

"Okay."

"I will be out here and you let me know if you need anything. I'm going to get your bed ready again for when you come back." She said from outside the bathroom door.

"Alright," I said feeling a chill from the cold tile floor.

I sat on the toilet, resting a moment, and flipping back to the Skylar, standing on the beach, with flowers. I hadn't seen him with flowers before. Usually he didn't speak and it was just a quick image of him before some other bizarre part of my dreams took over. It was the most I had seen of him since that night. It was vivid and I could almost feel the emotion that filled his eyes that August evening. It was painful thinking of him, knowing he was supposed to be here with me for this monumental moment. I would think of him every day when I looked at Lucy. I hadn't thought about it till this dream but that one event caused our night to last a lifetime with this small, sweet soul I was responsible for raising, now. Had he known something that I didn't? Had he planned on getting me pregnant? I wondered. I guess I'll never know I thought to myself as I smiled thinking of Lucy's tiny fingers.

"Are you okay?" Rebecca asked. "I've made your bed so it will be ready when you come back from the nursery."

"Thank you, I'm done; you can come in." I said, abruptly dismissing my previous thoughts.

Rebecca helped me get ready and back on my feet.

"Do you think you can walk down to the nursery? It's not that far but I want to make sure it's not too much for you." She said tying my gown a little more snugly.

"Yes, I'll be fine." I said as I put my feet in the blue colored hospital socks.

"I believe you have some family members down there." She said, trailing me out the door.

I slowly walked down the long beige hallway. It was as quiet as if it were the middle of the night. We passed the nurse's station and two nurses were chatting as we neared. As we caught their attention they stopped, smiled, and said hi. I smiled and said hello back as I now trailed Rebecca, in tow to the nursery. As we came closer, I saw the almost 360 degree glass nursery. On the other side of the glass circle stood four tall young men, two older ladies and a gigantic tan teddy bear. My brothers and grandmothers had shown up and I could see their lips moving as they all looked down into the glass window in front of them. Suddenly, I saw CeCe's head pop around the teddy bear. She had spotted me. She pointed to the teddy bear and then towards the glass and smiled her over-exaggerated smile showing both her upper and lower teeth. I smiled back feeling a quick warmth zip up the back of my gown. She hadn't left for Paris yet. In fact, she was better than I gave her credit for—reappearing hours later with the biggest teddy bear I'd ever seen.

"I'm going to bring her to you so you can take her back to your room and visit with your family before visiting hours are over. Just remember to keep her in the bassinette until you get to your room; it's a hospital rule to keep her safe." Rebecca issued.

"Okay, thank you. That sounds good." I smiled back at CeCe.

"She's so pretty honey." I heard my grandma Rose say as she walked towards me with grandma Evi beside her, holding her hand.

"Thanks grandma." I said holding my arms up to hug both of my grandmothers.

"You feel okay, you look a little pale." Grandma Rose said sizing me up.

"I'm a little weak; I guess I lost a lot of blood. It's okay though, I'm on iron supplements.

"I heard you did good sis." Edward, my oldest brother, said from the clan of my family and CeCe that were following our grandmothers.

"Yeah, I didn't have any pain medication to deliver that little squirt." I smiled looking down at Lucy, lying perfectly still all cozied up in her bassinette.

"She was a rock star in there!" CeCe said loudly from behind the massive teddy bear that seemed to be taking her for a walk.

"Here are some flowers for you and Lucy? Is it?" Jason, my third oldest brother, asked, as he handed me a bouquet of fresh pink Gerber daisies with white and light green mums of various sizes.

"Yes, it's Lucy Grace and thanks Jason, you're my favorite brother."

"Wait a minute—those are from all of us and I'm your favorite brother." Richie said pushing his index finger into Jason's chest before quickly moving away from any retaliation.

"Thank you guys; you're all my favorite brothers."

"That's better—you mean I'm the most awesome and they're okay." Richie shook his head.

"I need to sit down. Do you guys want to come to the room? Then you can sit and hold her if you want but you have to wash your hands first. I don't want any pesticide on her."

"Don't worry; momma and Grandma Rose already told us we had to wash up and change our clothes before we came down here." Peter, my second oldest brother and Edward's twin, stated.

"Oh good," I said turning Lucy's bassinette towards my hospital room as our mom and dad entered through the double doors down the hall.

"Perfect timing, we are going back to the room with Lucy." I shouted to them.

"Where'd you guys go?" I asked as we met up by my hospital room.

"We just needed to finish up a little business." My mother said trying to be inconspicuous.

"Business?" I pushed.

"Yes, something came up that your dad and I needed to take care of it. We figured you needed your sleep so we let you be for a little bit." She pushed back, gently.

"Alright," I said leading the pack into the room.

I got back into bed, with my mother's help as the rest of my family ogled Lucy. It felt good to be back in bed. I had started to feel the soreness creep up again as I stood in the hallway. Rebecca came back in while I was getting into bed and offered more pain medication to help with the soreness and swelling. She also made the rest of the group stand outside a few moments while she re-checked me and iced me all over again. The coldness shook my system before eventually comforting me.

"Okay, I will let the others in." Rebecca notified me. "Is there anything else I can get you right now?"

"No, I'm good. I've still got water. Thank you though."

"Sounds good, if you need something just push your call light." Rebecca pointed towards the remote connected to my bed.

"Thank you, I will if I need to."

"Okay y'all—you can come in now." Rebecca instructed as she stepped out of the room.

I sat back, comfortably propped up by the bed full of pillows everywhere, as my brothers, grandmothers, parents, CeCe and a very large teddy bear filed into the room. All the chairs and most of the floor space, in the room, were now taken up. I was so tired and ready for bed but I watched quietly, like many times in the past, as my family laughed and told stories and now—admired Lucy. I sat still appreciating the peace in the midst of my loud, Southern, family. It was like old times. No one was whispering or avoiding eye contact with me. Lucy had brought us together again with her small but vibrant light.

"Hello?" I heard a full-bodied voice call into the room.

"Oh Father John, come on in!" My mother exclaimed, happily, as she rose up to greet him.

"Hi Charlotte, congratulations! Your mother called me and asked me to come down and say a prayer over Lucy. Is that okay?"

"Sure, that would be great. Thanks Father." I said, surprised by his appearance.

"Here she is Father; her name is Lucy Grace." My mother said, carefully handing Lucy over to Father John's embrace.

"Hi there young lady, you sure are a beauty." He said to Lucy as he swayed her gently in his arms.

"Would you all bow your heads and close your eyes?" He started. "Dear wonderful heavenly Father of all creation. We give you thanks today as you have safely brought Lucy Grace into our presence. We thank you that your wisdom and your gifts are beyond our ability to comprehend and that no surprise to us is a surprise to you—that babies are not mistakes but are made in your image and given life by the Almighty God of the universe. Father God, we pray that you would forever place your favor and hand of protection over this little one and that you give Charlotte the wisdom and the courage to raise Lucy Grace to know her Creator as her savior, her friend, and her daddy, whose love is never failing. Lord, we thank you that you give us everything we need to live fully and that in no way will Charlotte or Lucy be lacking in anything but blessed and full of joy. Lord we pray your mighty hand to bless and protect this family, we ask, in the name of the Father, the Son, and of the Holy Spirit."

Chapter 15: The First Year

I opened my eyes feeling the early morning autumn sun peering in through my window. I looked over at Lucy's crib. She was still sleeping. It had been four and a half months since her birth. She had to decided, within the past few weeks, to try sleeping six-to-seven hours at a time at night. This was a very big surprise to me since she had been nursing every one-to-two hours up until now causing me to look like a walking zombie with bad hair, for the past several months. I was still getting use to sleeping when she was sleeping. Before Lucy, a bomb could have gone off right next to me and I would've never known until the angels greeted me through the pearly gates. By now, I had developed super-hearing powers while sleeping. The slightest sneeze, movement or sound could startle me wide awake and on my feet in under three seconds.

CeCe had been to Paris and back and then on to college and back already once since the fall semester began to see Lucy and me. She had brought back lots of pictures of herself and cute Parisian guys she insisted were part of the gorgeous scenery and not just for the hottie that happened to be standing next to the Notre Dame Cathedral or the Louvre. She told me all about the fresh made pastries and breads that we'd never had here and that I must try before I died. She even mimicked the mannerisms of this fancy Couture-type lady she saw in the French marketplace with her black beret and perfectly coiffed curls, wearing a fitted white collar blouse with black pencil skirt, drenched in diamonds and black Louis Vuitton stilettos and matching handbag. CeCe pretended to hold a cigarette, with a holder like the kind Audrey Hepburn used in Breakfast at Tiffany's, in one hand while she held her other arm at waist-height inspecting fictitious, organic vegetables and multigrain hearth-oven breads. Back at school, she had picked up where she left off with her Tri-Delta sisters holding parties with handsome hunks, hosting goodwill events to raise money for impoverished inner-city children, and early bird yoga work-outs.

At home, I had started back at the community college with two classes and working three days a week while Lucy stayed with Grandma Rose. I had a few guys hit on me at the diner. I scared most of them away once I showed them a picture of Lucy. One creep thought that I might be easy since I seemed fairly young to have a baby. He grabbed my butt when I was coming around the corner with a very heavy tray. It was the last time he did that. Jimmy had been putting food up on the counter when he saw him grab me. He gave him a little rough-up and told him not to show up at the diner anytime soon unless he wanted a boot somewhere very unpleasant. I hadn't seen that guy since or any guy, for that matter, that seemed at all interested or appealing. It was a bit frustrating. Although—even if a nice guy had come along I probably wouldn't have noticed anyway. I had my heart locked up tight. I had learned a very painful lesson over the past year and wasn't about to let myself be lulled into such trickery and games with my heart again.

On the upper hand of life, I had a beautiful little daughter out of my heartbreak—a little girl that brought me challenges and immense joy. Her smile made me smile. Every new expression she made was like seeing a sunset for the first time—beautiful and mesmerizing. Some made me giggle every time I thought about them while others let me know that she was making her own introduction in this world. This tiny little person was the center of my life. Everything I did—I did for her. Late nights working and studying and early mornings with her—all of it was an attempt to set up a future for her and I that we could be happy in.

I had no time for friends. It was just Lucy, work and school. I guess that's the trade-off when you're a single mom trying to make the best life for you and your children. Since I was so busy and tired when I wasn't so busy I stayed home most of the time with my family. My father had been a real help since Lucy's birth. Not only had he forgiven me and asked for my forgiveness for ignoring me for months—he had taken so closely to Lucy that they're were inseparable—especially after he came in from the farm in the evenings. When my family and I watched movies, my father and Lucy would fall asleep on the sofa with Lucy lying on his chest. My mother said it reminded her of when I was a baby. My father would sing to me and eventually I would fall asleep on his chest and she would have to wake him to pick me up and put me in my crib at bedtime. Her face lit up when she recalled these special memories.

My parents and Grandma Rose had been so good to me. After I got home from the hospital with Lucy, my parents surprised me with a white 1988 Volvo 240 station wagon. I had always liked the way Volvo's looked—nerdy with a sophisticated coolness. I didn't know my parents knew I liked them and it meant so much to me; it was the first car I had owned. My father was beaming when he handed Lucy and I the keys to my new car. He made sure to tell me that the safety rating was excellent which was important for his favorite girls. It wasn't a black Volkswagen convertible but it was pretty darn cool and it allowed me the freedom to get to work and school without bothering my mother or brothers. Some days after school finished, I would drive to the beach, on the way home, to walk the shore for fresh air and day dreams. During the middle of the day, the beach was mostly deserted and I was alone with the washed up starfish and seagulls. Sometimes, I was caught up in thoughts about Skylar while other times I had frank discussions with God about my life and my future. It was the best way I'd found to release a stressful day or negative thoughts of feeling like I was missing out on something bigger in this life. In the moments I allowed negative thoughts to flood my mind, I felt alone in the world. However, I found that the more I walked along and shared my thoughts with God, the more I realized that I had the power to see the world, again, as a utopia, full of beauty, experiences and gifts waiting to unfold at any moment. God heard me and my cries for an extraordinary life. One particular day while I was walking on the beach, feeling sorry for myself and complaining to him that I was going to end up an old, single, cat lady with 10 cats that everyone joked about—something special happened. I had been yelling, like a bit of a lunatic. Thankfully, no one was around and only the seagulls, in my path, were scared away. It was late afternoon and sunny with maybe two or three clouds in the sky. After I had finished my ranting I asked "do you hear me—I know you're busy with the five-billion other people on this earth—but do you hear me, you know little ole me—Charlotte Buchanan—I live in St. Marys Georgia?" I waited for a response and nothing just like I expected happened. I had been feeling pretty hopeless this day and was fairly pessimistic. I threw my hands up in the air and kicked the sand as I turned toward my car to leave. That next moment changed my mind. Out of the blue sunny sky a loud crackling thunder reverberated around me. Suddenly rain dumped down from nowhere and white-gold flashes of electricity lit up the sky.

"Okay, you hear me. Please don't hit me with a lightning bolt. I just wanted to make sure you heard me. That's it. Also, if you could make sure that I don't end up being the cat lady, I'd really like that. And if you feel inclined, a nice and good-looking prince for me and Lucy would be okay too. I'm sorry for yelling at the birds—I didn't mean it. Thanks, that's it. I'm going now." I jumped as I ran back to the car drenched by the rain cloud bizarrely, following me all the way.

God heard me. He knew my heart's desires and got my attention in a most frightening and anything but ordinary way—blue skies, lightning bolts, and a rain cloud directly over my head. Since that day, there have been several times when God has sent rain to reply to my requests. When I see rain now, it brings a sense of peace knowing that he is listening and watching. I knew somehow Lucy and I would end up happy.

Time was flying by. Lucy had her first Thanksgiving and her first Christmas upon which she started crawling. She was so little and fast. She was almost seven months old and finding her way around the home pretty quickly. My father delightfully enjoyed showing her off to all the family at Christmas this year. While last year had been one of the hardest times in my life, this Christmas had been one of the best, watching Lucy crawl from person-to-person getting into bags and trying to eat bits of wrapping paper. At Christmas mass, we sat up in the balcony, as usual, and Lucy was drawn to the beautiful Christmas lights and soothing music from the choir. She was silent, taking in all the beauty, yawning every few minutes until she fell asleep in my lap.

"Mass was so beautiful—wasn't it?" I said to CeCe who was preoccupied with something else or possibly someone else down below.

"What? Yeah it was." She answered. "Hey do you want to go to Trixie's afterwards?" She asked still focused below.

"I'll have to check with my parents to see if they can watch Lucy. It's already so late." I  
said holding a sleeping Lucy.

"Okay, I'll meet you downstairs." CeCe replied, quickly kissing Lucy's forehead before dashing off.

"Okay." I said as if she heard me after she was barely in sight.

"I'm sure mom and dad won't mind," Richie said, "if you want to go."

"I know. I want to visit with her for as long as she's here but she's always running off somewhere. Unlike her, I have responsibilities and can't just run off whenever to hang out."

"It's probably some boy—you know CeCe. You can't get mad at her." Richie laughed.

"I know, but it would be nice if she actually visited with me since she's here for such a short time." I said as I started walking towards our parents.

"Do you mind if I join you two?" Richie asked.

"Nah, you know you can always come. It'll be like the three Musketeers again."

"Thanks sis."

Several moments later I was helping to get Lucy strapped in her car seat while my mom set Lucy's baby bag into the backseat. My parents were happy to help but asked me not to stay out too late as my mom would be busy with more cooking, early in the morning, for Christmas brunch. I kissed a barely awake Lucy goodbye and closed the car door.

"Thanks mom and dad. I won't be too long." I said, before Richie and I caught up with CeCe at the car.

"So, do you know who that cute guy was at mass this evening?" CeCe giggled excitedly.

"Huh? I wasn't paying attention to any guys at mass. I was actually there to celebrate the reason for the season, ya' know." I said, pulling out of the parking lot.

"Oh c'mon—it was Eric Sothersby. I don't know what happened to him but man o' man is he hot!" CeCe exclaimed, barely unable to keep her voice down.

"Geez Ce, I thought I was your homegrown hottie." Richie joked.

"Oh yeah, but I always see you. I'm not sure what he's eating but you might want to ask because it is doing his body good." CeCe nodded.

"Hmm, maybe Richie can ask him because there he is walking into Trixie's now." I said, amused and surprised by how tall and handsome he had gotten since high school.

"I can't talk to him. I haven't talked to him since fifth grade."

"Really? The CeCe I know can walk up to anyone and come away with their number." I said, closing my car door.

"Well, I already got his number and I never called...so I don't think that's going to happen again."

"Whatever! There are plenty of hotties back at school. No worries, right?" I said, dismissing her dilemma.

"Okay girls, I'm going to go see what Eric's been up to?" Richie said nonchalantly as he walked away.

"See if he still thinks I'm hot, okay? But don't be weird about it, I mean—don't make it look like I asked you to or anything?" CeCe directed.

"I'll tell him you're stalking him." Richie said without turning around.

"Oh my goodness, he's totally going to embarrass me." CeCe looked concerned.

"They probably aren't going to even talk about you."

"Well that's not good. How will I know if he likes me?"

"Slip him a note that says 'do you like me—yes or no'."

"Char, that's not funny." CeCe said, rolling her eyes at me.

"Does it really matter? You haven't talked to him since fifth grade and all of a sudden you're worried about Eric Sothersby?"

"It matters. I liked Eric Sothersby." She said as serious as she could with a slight grin.

"Well then you should have called him." I said dragging her towards the door.

"It was fifth grade, girls didn't call boys. They were supposed to call us."

"You didn't even give him your number if I recall correctly."

"So, he could have asked me for it."

"Before or after you freaked him out in the closet?" I said pulling her arm towards the diner still.

"I did not scare him."

"He was a nice and very shy boy." I said opening the door.

"Wait, wait, wait—do I have any eye boogers, nose boogers—are my teeth okay?" CeCe asked sticking her nose in the air before opening up her eyes wide and smiling with her perfectly big Chicklet teeth glaring at me.

"Yes, you are fine. But before you go running off, I'd actually like to see you while you're here visiting CeCe."

"I'm not running off and I'm not going to go over by him. I just want to make sure I look okay if he sees me. By the way, I still have another two days before I leave and we will spend plenty of time together before I have to go to the Bahamas with my parents."

"When were you going to tell me that you were going to the Bahamas? You didn't tell me you were going to the Bahamas?" I was shocked and a little mad now.

"That's because I didn't know. My parents decided to surprise me as part of my Christmas present."

"I'd like one of those Christmas presents myself." I said a bit nerved.

"Hey ladies," Trudy called from the cashier.

"Hey Tru, it's good to see you." CeCe said walking in her direction to give her a hug.

"It's good to see you. You must be doing yoga still—you look great CeCe." Trudy said looking her over before she hugged her.

"Thanks, you think so?" CeCe said, fishing for more compliments.

"I sure do. What do you ladies want? Heck—Char you can just come and get it yourself. You know where everything is."

"Thanks, I'll be happy to get it on my day off." I smiled, with a bit of sarcasm in my voice.

"Perfect. It's on the house then." Trudy smiled back at me.

"Thanks Trudy." I said, feeling a little bad for the sarcasm especially since it was so busy after mid-night mass ended and everyone else thought a mid-night snack might be nice.

"You're too sweet Tru."

"Thanks, it's a good night to celebrate. Have fun girls." She said as she flew away.

"Char, get me a chocolate milkshake, some cheesy fries and Eric's phone number please." CeCe pretended to be reading the menu.

"We're out of Eric's numbers and potatoes. The milkshake machine is broken too." I said waiting for her to notice I was talking to her. "Is there anything else I can get you?" I smiled.

"Are you mad at me?" CeCe looked up from her menu innocently.

"Yes, I haven't seen you in months and you're home for two seconds and gone again. All of your Tri-Delta sisters see you more than me. When you're home you're still busy. I get it; but I miss my best friend. Is it too selfish to ask for just a little bit of your time?"

"Char sweetie, I didn't know I was going to the Bahamas until earlier tonight. Move over so you can get closer to my awesomeness." CeCe said as she scooted herself into my side of the booth purposely putting her butt just about on top of me to break the seriousness of my words. "I'm sorry I don't have more time during break—you know I love you and miss you so much. Charlotte Renee there is no one like you and none of my other friends could even compare."

"Keep talking, I'm listening." I said, looking for more of her loyalty as my best friend.

"How about we spend the day together when I get back from the Bahamas before I leave for school? We can take Lucy somewhere?" CeCe said with head on my shoulder.

"That would be nice." I said leaning my head back on hers.

"So are you still mad at me?"

"No, I can't stay mad at you." I smiled and raised my head to look at CeCe.

"Good! Now go get us some cheesy fries and milk the cow if you have to—I want my chocolate milkshake." CeCe smiled with her big white teeth glaring in my face.

"CeCe."

"I was joking, kind of. Please." She returned to her big smile.

"Okay, I'll be back." I said moving her out of the booth so I could get out.

As I headed to the kitchen, I scanned the diner. There were a lot of people. I saw Richie sitting with Eric. He was so cute. And he was always nice. I saw some other girls that we had gone to the school with—the nicer, quieter ones from band class. I was happy that I didn't see Veronica or any of her friends. I'm sure that after the last time I saw her in the diner that she learned to stay away if she wanted to protect herself from undesirable liquids spilt on her shoes and hair. I chuckled, thinking about that day as I headed behind the counter to order the fries and make the milkshake.

"So, cheese fries and two chocolate milkshakes?" Trudy asked.

"No." I said writing the ticket for the kitchen.

"Really?" She asked.

"No, you're right. Of course, it's cheese fries and chocolate milkshakes."

"I figured. Is everything okay Char?"

"Yes."

"Really?" She pursued a more truthful answer.

"I'm okay, just frustrated. My best friend is never home. She's here for a second and now she's going to the Bahamas for most of her winter break. She has no responsibilities only lots of exciting trips and opportunities while I'm stuck here making milkshakes."

"What do you want Char?" Trudy asked.

I looked at her and I could see she was impacted by my last statement. "I'm sorry I didn't mean it to come out like that. I love CeCe and I'm happy for her. I just feel like I'm stuck here, in this little town, that I worked so hard to get out of so I could do all of those exciting things that CeCe is doing with everyone else but me. And I can't go because I'm a mom and have responsibilities that I can't just drop and she doesn't get it. I'm sorry, I'm unloading on you."

"I get it Char. You're talking to me. I've been there. It's okay to feel angry but if you let yourself get swallowed up by the bitterness of the what if's then you're going to miss all the what now's. The hardest thing I've learned to do is to enjoy the journey every step of the way. The journey never takes us to our destination on our schedule. When we're lucky, we get to take the scenic route. The adventure of the journey is to allow it to take you somewhere new every day. If you focus on just the destination—you'll miss all the beauty in between."

There was profound truth in her words even though my psyche wasn't willing to grasp it yet.

"Char, you are only limited by the words you speak in this life. I get it. Sometimes, we have to cry and whine and get out all the unfairness that life threw at you. But two minutes later—you've got to stop crying and start expecting the best life has to offer you. You've got to look for the unexpected good things in life. They are all around you if you're willing to look beyond yourself."

"Thank you Tru. You and my mother always seem to know just what to say. I'm sorry. I just know there's more out there for me—for Lucy and me."

"There is sweetie. Sometimes the best surprises come in ways we don't expect. Whether or not _he_ ever comes back, life has good things for you and Lucy."

"I guess that's true. Are you happy—I mean really happy?" I asked as I looked across the room and saw CeCe talking to some of our high school friends.

"Yes. It took me some time like you. I wasted more time feeling sorry for myself that could have been spent making my dreams turn into reality much sooner. Like today—I am now the proud owner of this diner."

"What?" I asked, turning towards Trudy. "You bought Trixie Rox?"

"I sure did. I've been saving for some time now. Old man Fellows bought a home in Daytona Beach and is retiring, finally. He said he only trusted me to keep up the diner he put his blood, sweat, and tears into for so many years." She said, smiling.

"Oh Mylanta! That is so wonderful Trudy!" I said, still in shock and so happy for her.

"You asked am I happy—yes I'm happy but more than anything, I'm thankful."

"Wow. I can't wait to tell CeCe."

"Make sure to tell her the new name too." Trudy smiled proudly.

"What is it? Trudy's?"

"I had to promise that I would keep Roxie's somewhere in the name so...I decided to rename it Tru Rox." She laughed, biting her bottom lip.

"I love it! Congratulations—you proud owner of the best diner food on the east coast!"

"Thanks Char. Expect good things always. It's only a matter of time.

"Thank you Tru."

I walked back to the table much lighter and inspired. I didn't want to own a diner but Trudy did and now she had one of own. Anything is possible; she was right. I just needed to be open to the possibilities all around me. Like Lucy, good things came in different packages. The best ones were unexpected.

As promised, CeCe spent the day with me and Lucy the day after she got back from the Bahamas. It was one of the most fun days of my life. We drove down to Jacksonville, Florida and went to the Jacksonville Zoo. It was a beautiful warm and sunny day, a perfect day for the zoo. Lucy was very content sitting back in her stroller seeing all the exotic animals for the first time. We took our time and walked, slowly, throughout the zoo. Lucy pointed at the lions and even seemed to mimic their roars after she let go of her initial panic from hearing their roaring matches. CeCe and I were able to catch up about all the little things going on in our lives. She shared that last semester she often stayed in to study for her chemistry and law classes that were increasingly challenging for her. CeCe felt the burden of her parent's expectations to live up to their legacy on campus. She even got a tutor, for the first time ever, to keep up her grades. She had chosen not to tell them about the tutor as if it made her less capable then them. I missed this CeCe—the one who trusted me with all her secrets and who didn't have to be anything else but herself. Underneath her feisty and pretty yoga finesse was a good person with a delicate heart. I treasured up that day in my heart.

The next time I saw CeCe was many months later when she came home for summer break. Even though I missed her I knew she was busy with school and that I was always going to be her best friend. We celebrated Lucy's first birthday, with my dad barbecuing burgers and brats, on the farm. CeCe and her parents came, bearing presents and fruit trifle—the only thing CeCe's mother knew how to make well. Trudy stopped over for a little while before heading to the diner. Father John came and said the prayer over Lucy and the meal. My grandmothers, brothers, aunts, uncles, and cousins were all present. It was a hot summer day full of food, music, and great company ending with evening fireworks over the lake. Lucy went all over from person-to-person, falling here and there when she ran too quickly over her excitement. She had gotten many presents but was most happy to see everyone. My brothers took turns swinging her around and throwing her up in the air. I was slightly worried that she might puke on them after grazing all day but she kept going back to them with a belly full of giggles. It was nice to sit and relax and see her happy. Lucy was such a blessing. She brought the family together again for another day of fun. My favorite part of the day was watching my Grandma Evi rock a sleeping Lucy on her lap. Even though her words had long left her, she was still just as kind and nurturing in her silence as she was when I was Lucy's age snuggled up in her lap.

Chapter 16: The Good Ole Days are Here Again

That summer had been wonderful. When I wasn't working or at school, CeCe, Lucy and I took long lazy days at the beach. I packed up the station wagon with a cooler of food and drinks, plenty of beach toys and a large umbrella for Lucy's naps. It was these simple things that brought me great pleasure and left fond memories. Several times, Richie came with us. He pitched a tent and we all camped on the beach with warm, sleepy bonfires and cool breezes from the beach. It was the three musketeers plus a little peanut. I had made peace with my life and allowed it to take me where it flowed.

CeCe started her third year at the University of Georgia that fall. Although she was pursuing an undergraduate degree in political science, she wasn't completely convinced that it would bring her the satisfaction she longed for in a career. I had six more classes to finish my Associates degree in Liberal Arts with a concentration in journalism. There was a small four-year school nearby that offered Bachelor degrees in English literature and Creative Writing. I planned on attending there as soon as I finished my degree. I had been inspired by my summer to start journaling again. I bought a book to record my thoughts for any book ideas that came to me. Sometimes, it was just a sentence and other times a whole story line would propel itself out of my head. I was excited about life again. I was writing and it made me happy. Lucy was getting big and was into everything. Her vocabulary was expanding quickly. She started saying 'mama' which quickly became my favorite word. In the evenings before bedtime while she played outside in the yard, I sat nearby jotting down ideas and story lines. I dreamed of being a successful author of full-length novels turned into movies. The summer had brought CeCe and I back to the good days—the ones that reminded us of our carefree youth as we watched Lucy chase the seagulls one moment and tease the waves the next. I was stirred to write a book about best friends. Like a wild fire spreading across a forest, my pen, tirelessly, brought to life a story of two best friends. There were pieces of me and CeCe woven throughout the characters. Writing brought me happiness and I knew I was just getting started. I had come to accept my life with or without a guy by my side. I loved being a mother to Lucy and I was passionate about life. I looked forward to what each day would bring us. Something had shifted inside of me and gave me the confidence to move forward boldly.

I spent my spare time putting the pieces of my book together when Lucy was sleeping or playing. I had gotten use to not hanging out with friends other than my family and CeCe when she was home from school and I was okay with that. My mind was obsessed with finishing my book. I had high hopes of finding a publisher to pick up my book for print. I was three-quarters of the way done and had begun snapping pictures of CeCe and I on the beach with my dad's manual camera, for the cover. I thought about my friendship with CeCe and became endeared to the title _Southern Belles_. Neither she nor I had ever had a sister but I imagined that if I did I would want her to be just like CeCe. My mother encouraged my writing and offered to edit the book. Since she was very good with spelling and grammar I took her up on it. I found that she was also a very helpful thesaurus.

I looked at the clock and put down my notebook and pen. I quickly slipped on my jeans and tee shirt, grabbed my black apron and Lucy, and headed downstairs.

"Grandma, I've got to leave for work. I gave Lucy a bottle an hour ago. She should be good for a little while. She had pancakes for breakfast too." I said, handing Lucy over to Grandma Rose.

"Hi there sugar. How's my favorite grand baby girl?" She said, kissing Lucy's soft pink cheeks.

"Thank you Grandma. Sorry, I've got to run. I lost track of the time and need to get to the diner before the lunch rush begins."

"Were you writing again?"

"Yes. I'm so close to finishing. I just want to get it done; I want to do something good for Lucy." I said, kissing Lucy and then Grandma Rose.

"I'm sure it will be great Charlotte. Your mother speaks very highly of your writing style. And, you are always doing something good for Lucy."

"Thank you Grandma, I love writing. I love you two, bye." I said, closing the front door behind me.

As I neared the diner a few minutes later, only a few cars were in the parking lot. I recognized the Jimmy's car and Trudy's. I thought I spotted Willard's too, a regular, for lunch, for the past 30 years. There was a slight breeze in the November sky that made me wish I had worn a sweater. I walked in and was immediately greeted by Trudy.

"Hey there, how are you? I am going to be in the back for a little while. The repair guy for the second walk-in cooler is here and I need to be back here if he needs anything."

"That's fine. I can handle it."

"If it gets crazy out here just come get me." She said smiling oddly.

"Okay, no problem. Do we have any of that rice milk in the back?" I asked following her back there.

"Sure, I can get it for you." Trudy said quickly.

"It's alright; I'm back here already anyway. I can get it."

"Trudy, do you have a second? I found these wires chewed up at the circuit breaker." I heard a deep male voice say.

"Sure." She replied coolly.

Suddenly, a tan and well-built man looking to be in his mid-thirties appeared from behind the walk-in cooler door.

"Hi, I'm Charlotte. I see why you need my help so you can be back here Tru." I said, embarrassing a flushed-faced Trudy.

"You're funny Char. Jake, I will be right back." Trudy said, ushering me quickly out of the kitchen.

"I didn't even get my rice milk."

"I will bring it to you."

"Oh c'mon! He's cute. You may need to break some more things around here."

"Ha-ha. He is cute, isn't he? I will be right back with your rice milk." She said still glowing.

"Hey Tru—he's not wearing a ring either!" I whispered loudly.

"Shush, I know." She smiled turning back around.

This was the first time I'd seen Trudy gush over anybody. She was so strong and independent that I never saw any guy catch her breath but I could tell there was something there. I was happy for her. I bent down below the counter to grab a glass for my rice milk and a towel to wipe off the counter before customers started coming in. I heard the front door ring as I searched for a towel.

"I'll be right with you." I yelled, from below the counter.

"Okay." I heard a familiar male voice say.

I knew that voice but it had been awhile since I'd heard it. I looked quickly for a towel and a glass to check my face in its reflection. As I stood up slowly I saw a young, handsome man dressed in khaki pants and a button-down white linen shirt rolled up to his elbows.

"Hi Charlotte; do you remember me?" He asked.

"Yeah, it's been awhile. Eric Sothersby, how are you?"

"I'm good. I mean as good as you can be. I moved back from school to help my parents at their insurance company. My dad got sick but he's getting better. He still has to go for radiation, sometimes, in Savannah."

"Oh, I'm sorry to hear that. But I'm glad he's doing better." I said apologetically.

"Thanks. What have you been up to? I thought I saw you last Christmas after mass—you and CeCe?" He said shyly.

"Yeah, I thought I saw you too. Well, you've probably already heard. I got slightly pregnant and had a little girl right after high school. It threw me off but I'm good. She's incredible. Her name's Lucy."

"Slightly pregnant?" Eric laughed raising an eyebrow, tilting his head.

"Well, very pregnant I guess." I laughed back.

"You're brother told me when I saw him last Christmas; that's a lot to handle but pretty exciting. I'm an uncle. My sister had a little boy, Aiden, about two years ago and he's cool—he always has so much energy."

"Yeah, she keeps me busy—that work and school."

"So, is Lucy's dad around?" Eric asked cautiously.

"Umm...no."

"I'm sorry to hear that. He's sure missing out."

"Thanks, it's a long story I won't burden you with."

"I've got time. I'm not going anywhere other than back to work after lunch and I know the boss so if I'm a little late, it'll be okay." He said pulling out a barstool at the counter.

"Where are my manners? I haven't even offered to get you something to drink before I tell you my soap opera." I giggled uneasily.

"A soap opera sounds a bit more exciting than selling life insurance at retirement living complexes."

"I don't know about that. My Grandma Rose sure knows how to keep things interesting. She's had more dates over the last year than I've had in my whole lifetime." I said pouring him a glass of water.

Eric grinned. CeCe was right. He had the hot factor going on. He was nice and polite and had a good sense of humor. He also seemed less shy than he was in high school. It was strange talking with him as I remembered only recalling a few brief conversations with him in school. It was comforting. He was very down-to-earth and seemed to have a good head on his shoulders—not like the typical, immature guys our age. He ordered a burger with extra pickles and blue cheese with fries. He listened when I spoke without interrupting. For the few minutes I wasn't talking, he told me about his trips to Brazil, over the last two summers, for surfing. This small town guy had become cultured and polished without forgetting his roots.

"That was a really good burger. Tell Jimmy that was his best." Eric said taking his last bite.

"I will." I smiled.

I heard the door ring a few more times. Our lunch rush was just starting.

"Is there anything else I can get you? It's going to get busy quickly." I said, putting the bill by his plate.

"Yeah, do you want to hang out sometime?" He asked smiling.

"Ah, well, I'm kind of busy." I paused, with a flash of CeCe's face running through my head.

"I'm not busy except for when I watch Aiden so my sister and brother-in-law can go out or when I have to take my dad to his radiation appointments. I've lost touch with a lot of my high school friends and figured it would be nice to hang out with someone who wasn't one of the high school snobs."

"Well, I guess we could hang out sometime."

"Good. Maybe we can get Aiden and Lucy together for a play date." He said pulling out his wallet.

"Oh that would be nice. Lucy might like having a little friend to play with." I said surprised by his thoughtfulness.

"Here's my number, call me when you get a chance. It'll be fun." Eric smiled as he handed me the bill, with his phone number and money. "Keep the change."

"Oh, okay. Thanks, I will." I smiled back.

I put the bill, with his phone number on it, and money into my apron pocket and moved on to the next customer. Out of the side of my eye, I could see Eric crossing the street to his family's insurance agency. That had to be one of the best conversations I'd had with anyone in a long time. It felt good to have a nice guy show some interest in me. Unfortunately, it was the wrong nice guy. I didn't want to hurt CeCe's feelings by hanging out with Eric. On the other hand, she was hanging out with lots of guys and parties at school while I wasn't. Why shouldn't I have some fun, I thought? I wouldn't let it be anything more than just friendship anyway. I wasn't ready for that with anyone and besides, Eric seemed like a nice enough guy to hang out with and his looks didn't hurt either.

"So, Eric Sothersby huh?" I heard Trudy's voice behind me.

"Yeah, he just moved back to town to help his parents."

"Uh hmm." She smirked.

"So 6'2 back there, huh?"

"He's just fixing the cooler."

"Eric just needs a friend and so do I."

"Really, how much did he tip you?" Trudy pretended to peek in my apron pocket.

"I don't know." I said pulling out his bill and money.

"I bet it's over twenty percent."

"Okay." I said sarcastically. "He gave me a twenty."

"How much was his bill? Let me see that—Char—his bill was only $8.94."

"So, he's generous. Maybe he felt bad for me since he knows I'm a single mom."

"Are you going to tell CeCe?"

"Yes, of course I am. She can hang out with us. It would actually be nice to get out of the house with someone other than my brother or my parents."

"I was just asking. You don't need my permission to go out with him. You deserve some fun—just not too much fun."

"Thank you. I do deserve some fun. There will be none of the kind of fun you just mentioned though—you naughty lady." I said, taking the check back before I slapped her with my wet dish towel as I passed her.

"Good for you."

I finished the rest of my shift thinking about Eric; telling myself it was only for friendship. Thanksgiving was coming up in a week and a half. I'm sure CeCe would love the chance to hang out with him. She had been stressing out over courses again this semester. Over the phone, I reassured her that she was almost done for the semester and that soon we would be hanging out and she could forget all the pressures from school and her parents to perform well.

It was about three days after meeting Eric at the diner that I called him to set up the play date. I waited to tell CeCe; I didn't want her to stress out anymore nor did I want her to get upset with me for hanging out with him without her. I brought Lucy to his sister's home. Eric made spaghetti and homemade meatballs with garlic bread, one of my favorite but very messy meals. Their home was very neat and looked like an ad for Pottery Barn. I met his sister and brother-in-law, briefly, before they left for dinner. It had been awhile since I'd seen her but she still looked the same. They were a very nice family and Aiden and Lucy seemed to hit it off well. Dinner was delicious and Eric was a good host. After we finished off some of the lemon bars his sister made for dessert, we stepped out their backyard to let the kids run and play while we sat in their wooden Adirondack chairs and talked. It was a warm evening for late November and a pretty pink-orange hue stretched across the western skies.

We shared about our aspirations for the future. I tried not to be over excited about my writing but couldn't help it. I hadn't talked to anyone, other than my family, about the details of the book and Eric was kind enough to seem interested. I explained how the writing had helped to bring me hope when my dreams were doubtful. Even CeCe didn't know as much about my book as I shared with Eric because she had been so busy unloading on me about school. I didn't feel it was right to cut her off to tell her how excited I was about my book. Eric told me that he loved music and had learned to play the piano when he was six. Since coming home from school, he'd begun writing music and playing the piano in the evenings. He still dreamed of teaching music, even though he knew he would take over his dad's insurance agency, someday. He had finished all of his prerequisites to start the music program at Calvin College when his dad got sick. After he opened up about his dad, I felt an easiness to tell Eric about Lucy's dad and how we met; just once. I shared that although Skylar's abandonment hurt me deeply—Lucy was the best thing that had ever happened to me and I admitted to still thinking about him to Eric.

"How could you not think about him? He was someone very special to you—even if it was only one night."

"Yeah, I thought he was my future. At least a part of him still is."

"Do you think you'll ever see him again?" Eric asked raising his glass to his lips.

"I don't know. I'm not sure I'd know what to do if I did. I'd probably want to slug him or kiss him—one of the two—or both."

"Hmm." Eric smiled.

"What? Do you have anyone special?"

"No, not really."

"Not really? I think I'm going to need you to elaborate some more." I looked at him grinning as I took another sip of my lemonade.

"Well, once, there was a girl. But nothing ever came of it." He said looking over at Aiden and Lucy in the sandbox.

"Hmm." I smiled.

"What?" He smiled back.

"I was just thinking about the first day I saw you. It was fifth grade. I was in the hallway with CeCe. It's kind of a funny story but I'm not sure you want to hear it."

"I like stories." Eric looked back at me with his deep brown eyes.

"Well, since you like stories. We were fighting over the locker mirror because I wasn't allowed to wear make-up yet. My dad is a little old fashioned, so I kind of had to put it on at school so he didn't know."

"You rebel you. I always thought you were the good one." Eric joked.

"I am...was...still am."

"The rebel or the good one?" He asked with a bit of amusement in his voice.

"The good one."

"So you were being sneaky..." Eric continued my story.

"Sort of but then I saw a new face behind me from the mirror's reflection and it made me forget about my make-up."

"And this new face?" Eric looked intrigued.

"Yes, I kind of had an instant crush on you—when I saw you. But after I pointed you out to CeCe she decided she had a crush on you too."

"You had a crush on me?" He looked surprised.

"Well, a little bit."

"Just a little?"

"Uh hmm." I smiled. "We were hoping that you were going to be in our class."

"Ahhh—how come I never knew you had a crush on me?"

"That's coming. Hold on. You see once we got to the classroom and realized you were, in fact, in our classroom. There was some...some..." I looked for the right word, taking my time.

"Some?" Eric hung on to each of my words.

"There was some—contention—actually, a bit of a dilemma."

"What sort of dilemma do you speak of?" Eric eased up into another smile.

"I'm getting to it. You do like stories don't you!" I smiled sipping my lemonade.

"It's getting late and my mother always told me stories at bedtime." He raised his eyebrows nodding.

"I'm not sure how to take that."

"I love my mother and she always had the best stories?" He said. "I'm listening."

"Okay. Well we were sitting in the classroom both eagerly waiting for Mrs. Newwater to pick a volunteer to show you around. We already knew that she was going to do that."

"And." Eric sat up in his chair, looking at me with a reserved smile in his eyes.

"And then it happened."

"Yes?" He leaned in.

"The moment came and we raised our hands. I, quite unexpectedly, had my hair pulled which hurt and made me lower my hand quickly."

"Oh the violence of fifth grade!" Eric looked serious.

"I know. I don't know if I ever really recovered from it."

"Catfights, they're terrible." Eric nodded his head.

"So, after my hair was pulled, just about out of my head, I heard CeCe whispering something to me."

"Sweet nothings?" Eric sat on the edge of his seat.

"No, not really; it was CeCe pleading to show you around."

"Really?"

"She was afraid that Mrs. Newwater would have picked me over her to show you around."

"Was she right?"

"Yep."

"So, why did you relent?"

"She's my best friend. There was something about you written all over her face that told me to let you go."

"That's true friendship." He said, looking down at his feet.

"She promised me that if I let her have you..."

"Have me? Like for dinner?" Eric looked back up.

"That she would let me have the next good guy that came our way." I looked over at him.

"And now, does she still feel that way about me?" He asked earnestly.

"I can't really speak for her." I paused not sure I wanted to tell him that she was completely enthralled with him at mass and then, again, at the diner last Christmas. He was such a good guy and I couldn't help but wonder if this was my second chance for a good guy.

"And what about you? Do you ever wonder what would have happened if you didn't lower your hand?" He said leaning in towards me with his deep brown eyes only a few inches from mine.

"Uh." I could barely let anything else out thinking about him and my best friend, conflicted with my loyalty to her and to my happiness. As I leaned closer to Eric, Skylar's face popped into my head. It was the same tender face that looked at me before he kissed me for the first time.

"I see the kids are having a great time." A female voice rang out from behind us.

"Mommy!" Aiden squealed as he ran past us to Elizabeth, Eric's sister.

"Yeah, they've been playing so nicely. Aiden is so sweet to Lucy." I smiled recovering from an almost something with Eric.

"How were my lemon bars?" She asked picking up Aiden.

"Come here Lucy." I said standing up. "Come to mommy."

"They were great but I think my spaghetti was the hit of the night." Eric laughed, getting up from his chair.

"Did he tell you that he actually taught me how to cook?" Elizabeth asked laughing at Eric's comment.

"Why no he didn't. You have all kinds of talent." I turned and smiled at Eric as I picked up Lucy.

"I was too busy with sports, growing up, and never had enough time at home. Eric, here, was always mom's little helper. When I married Matthew I didn't know how to cook to save my marriage. Eric coached me through lasagna, chicken parmesan, and meatloaf over the phone, from college."

"Okay, that's enough bragging." Eric said kissing Aiden on the cheek.

"Mommy's little helper, huh?" I couldn't help but cheese as I saw Eric's face turn two shades pinker.

"Yep, still am. I'm their favorite." Eric looked at his sister.

"Thanks guys for watching Aiden tonight." Matthew said taking Aiden from Elizabeth.

"It was my pleasure. Lucy and I had great company."

"So, Eric tells me you're a writer?" Elizabeth continued as we all walked back into the house.

"Well, I don't know if I could call myself a writer yet—maybe an aspiring writer." I said caught off guard that Eric had talked about me to someone else.

"Very talented." Eric nodded.

"Thanks." I looked at Eric.

"You'll have to let us know when your first book comes out." Elizabeth urged.

"I will; thank you."

"I'm going to make some coffee; does anyone want some?" Elizabeth turned towards all of us.

"I'll take some dear—it sounds good with some of your lemon bars." Matthew said kissing Elizabeth's cheek as he passed her.

"Do you two want some coffee too?" She inquired.

"Oh, I'd love some but I think Lucy and I need to get going. I didn't realize it had gotten late. I need to get her in bed soon."

"Well, maybe next time then." Elizabeth smiled opening her arms to hug me.

"That would be nice." I said hugging her back briefly.

"Sorry, we're all huggers in this family." Eric said shyly.

"That's okay. We are too in mine."

"Sis, I'll be back. I'm going to walk Char and Lucy to their car."

"Okay, we'll be here."

"Good night Char, it was nice to meet you." Matthew called to us on our way out.

"It was a pleasure meeting you all." I said holding up Lucy's hand to wave goodbye to Matthew and Aiden.

"Say bye-bye Lucy."

"Bye-bye." Lucy said softly.

"Awe, good job baby."

"I had a good time tonight." Eric said as he opened the front door.

"Me too, I think Lucy has a little crush on somebody."

"Really, you don't think I'm a bit too old for her." Eric said with a straight face.

"Aiden." I laughed, shooting some snot out of my nose.

"Oh that's who I was talking about." Eric shook his head.

"You're funny."

"I must be. Was that snot shooting from your nose?"

"Oh you saw that? Sorry, I was hoping you missed it."

"It's okay. I've changed Aiden's diapers. It doesn't get any scarier than that." Eric leaned against my car.

"What a good uncle."

"Uncle of the year, actually." Eric nodded his head.

"I had a lot of fun tonight. Thank you for inviting us out." I said, fastening Lucy's car seat belt.

"I had a very nice time too; thank you for trusting me." He leaned close to me.

"You're welcome." I said, finding myself face-to-face to him again.

"So, do you want to try this again sometime?" Eric asked.

"I do. I..." couldn't finish my sentence.

"Is everything alright?"

"Yes." I paused. "Earlier I think you were going to kiss me." I said shyly.

Eric smiled. "You did—how would've you felt if I had?"

"I think I would have liked it?"

Eric moved in and pressed his lips to mine.

"But I don't know if it's right." I pulled back and bit my lip as I looked into his gentle eyes.

"Did I do something wrong?" Eric looked confused.

"No, not really...unfortunately. My best friend has always liked you and I don't think I can betray her.

"This is about CeCe?" He asked concerned.

"Yeah. You're a great guy—the kind I need. I like you but I don't want to hurt her."

"Oh." He leaned back and against my car. "Well then, what are your thoughts on being 'just friends'?"

"You want to be my friend still?"

"Of course I do. You're a great person—fun, smart, pretty and you're a great mom." Eric smiled.

"Are you joking with me? Some guys just say they want to be friends and then try to sneak a move on you when you're not expecting it."

"I promise. I'm not that kind of guy. But I need a friend, I guess, more than I need a girlfriend right now." He said sincerely.

"Really? I'd love to be your friend. You are the nicest handsome guy I know—and you kiss nicely too." I shot him a smile.

"Thanks."

"So, we can do this again soon?" I asked.

"Yeah, that would be nice. I'll be gone most of Thanksgiving—my dad has radiation treatment again, so we're all spending next week in Savannah. How about when I get back?"

"Oh darn, I was thinking that you, CeCe, and I could hang out over Thanksgiving. She's going to be home then. Maybe at Christmas instead, then?"

"That would be fun." He said walking around me to open my car door.

"Good." I smiled as I sat down in my car, rolling the window down.

"So, just to be clear—we're going to be friends because CeCe has feelings for me?" He asked leaning on my window.

"Uh, yeah."

"And she always has?" He asked.

"Yeah. Why?"

"She was my first kiss." He laughed.

"In the janitor's closet...right?" I let out a giggle.

"Yeah, in the janitor's closet."

"What ever happened?"

"Well, it was my first time. I was a little awkward and not exactly sure what to do."

"You've come a long way then." I reassured him.

He smiled as he looked down at me through my rolled-down window. "I was confused, my heart was beating fast, and I didn't know what to do. CeCe was beautiful and overwhelming. I was just a kid and really shy then too. A few days later I tried to make eye-contact with her but she was too busy to notice. I figured it was a one-time thing and I was too nervous to approach her after that."

"Wow. She always wondered why you didn't call her."

"She never gave me her phone number. I was the quiet new kid and she had the attention of all the popular guys."

"Just so you know I told her that she shouldn't have expected you to ask for her phone number."

"I wanted to ask for it. I was just intimidated by her." He said, smiling.

"Maybe next time you see her, you could ask for her phone number?" I suggested.

"Maybe; isn't that a bit strange?"

"No, not strange at all—I won't even tell her about that little kiss either." I smiled.

"Okay, we'll all have to get together then, at Christmas." He proposed.

"That would be lovely."

"Alright, I know you've got to get Lucy home. I think she fell asleep back there." Eric peeked through the back window.

"Thank you. I really did have a good time tonight. You give me hope that somewhere out there is a really nice, really good-looking guy for me too."

"He's out there Char. You are a great person and you deserve a great man." He said leaning in to hug me goodnight.

"Thank you." I said as I felt his embrace and his warm breath against the back of my neck.

"Drive safely. I'll see you soon." He said as he backed away from the car.

"I will. I'll keep your father in my prayers too."

"Thank you Char, I appreciate it. Have a good night." Eric said before I pulled away.

As I drove away from Elizabeth's house I felt a sting of pain in my chest but I knew I'd made the right decision. Like Skylar said to me that night, I didn't want to take something that wasn't mine to take. It wouldn't have felt right. On our way home I thought about the night Lucy was conceived. Being with Eric made me think about Skylar. Thinking about him brought a smile to my face.

I had kept Eric's dad in my prayers as promised. At Thanksgiving, when it was my turn to give thanks, I thanked God for Lucy, our health, and all the people that God had brought into our lives over the past year. CeCe joined my family for Thanksgiving but seemed distant or overly stressed from studying for upcoming exams. She said that political science classes were consuming and that her parents were not of any help to take the load off. CeCe's parents graduated with high honors from both undergraduate and graduate law programs. She confided to me that she continued to struggle and was pulling all-nighters, at least once or twice a week to pass her tests. She looked tired and less of her usual perky self. I proposed that we take another day during Thanksgiving break to go somewhere fun. She said she wanted to but needed the time instead to study for finals. I told her I understood but was a little let down. Hoping to take her mind off matters, I shared that I'd run into Eric and that we hung out once. I assured her that he had asked about her and was interested in how she was doing these days. CeCe seemed to brighten a little and was excited to hang out with him over Christmas break if she could just get through finals and her parent's insistence with her grades.

Thanksgiving break ended for CeCe and she went back to school, wary for her approaching finals. Eric came several times to the diner and let me know that his father's radiation appointments went well. We joked back and forth and talked about Lucy and Aiden. I told him that CeCe would be home in a week for Christmas break. Eric seemed excited. I was looking forward to spending time with CeCe after the finals, that she had been dreading, were over. I had talked to her far less this semester than usual. She was always busy with studying or Tri-Delta events.

It was nine o'clock. I picked up the phone and dialed CeCe's number. She answered the phone.

"CeCe, it's Char—I'm just checking to make sure you're still coming home tomorrow." I asked over all the background noise.

"Yes. I'm so thankful my finals are over. I'm going to a party tonight with some of the girls and I so badly need to just unwind. I've never had this much stress in my life."

"I'm so glad you're done with your exams. Why is it so loud CeCe?"

"Oh, we're getting a little party on before we head over to the frat house."

"Okay, well don't get too much party on—be careful Ce."

"I'll be fine—you're too behaved Char. I just need a good party." She said sounding possibly tipsy.

"What? I'm too behaved? Single-mom over here?" I asked surprised by her comment.

"I'm just joking. I love you Charlotte Renee. I gotta let you go. We're leaving; I'll see you tomorrow afternoon."

"Okay, I'll see you tomorrow CeCe. Have fun—but be careful. Make sure you stay with the girls—you sound like you've been drinking." I said concerned.

"I'm fine. Just fine. Really fine—now that finals are over. I'll be okay mom." She laughed.

Slightly offended I replied, "Alright, I just care about you and want you to be safe CeCe."

"I'm fine. I'll call you when I get home tomorrow." CeCe said before hanging up the phone.

I could tell CeCe had been drinking, which wasn't completely unusual at school. However, she sounded drunk and vulnerable. I worried about her being so far away. If I were there I could at least make sure she didn't make any bad decisions. I said a prayer for her and went to bed with Lucy.

Chapter 17: Secrets

The next day CeCe never called. I had worried about her despite her unfamiliar rudeness to me over the phone. I didn't want to call her parents and upset them unnecessarily. I figured I'd wait till evening and call her if she hadn't called by then. I was excited to see CeCe—hoping that she'd be a little less anxious now that finals were over. I planned a bonfire at the beach for the day after she got home from school with Richie, Eric, CeCe and I. I had gotten my mom and dad to watch Lucy and figured this would be a great way for CeCe to get to know Eric and a nice way for her to unwind from her parents and school.

Evening came and still no call. I was mad that she hadn't called me. She had gotten a new, smaller, cell phone, a few months ago, to replace the larger cell phone she carried mostly in her car. I tried calling her cell phone several times at five, six and seven PM. All I got was voicemail each time I attempted to call her. My frustrations started to turn in to worry. I called once more, this time calling her parent's home, and asked for CeCe. Her mother answered the phone.

"Hi, Mrs. Crawford; I was wondering if CeCe got home yet?"

"Yes she is. She got home a few hours ago but she's sleeping. Can I have her call you tomorrow?" Beverly said in a cool voice.

"Sure, thank you Mrs. Crawford." I said feeling a touch of anger rise up from the pit of my stomach.

"Okay dear. I will have her call you then. Charlotte, how's Lucy doing?" Beverly asked.

"Thank you, she's good. She's getting big so fast." I replied surprised by her asking since she sees her at mass every week.

"Oh good to hear; I'll let Cecilia know you called; have a good night Charlotte." She said before hanging up.

CeCe had been home for several hours and hadn't bothered to answer my phone calls or even call to let me know she got home safely. She didn't have the common courtesy to call her best friend to let her know she was still alive. She was rude to me over the phone and then didn't even say goodbye before she hung up last night. I know she was drinking and with her other friends but I would never talk to her or treat her like that. Was she mad at me? Was she outgrowing me? I was feeling hurt and angry that she didn't think enough of me to at least call so I didn't think she was in some ditch somewhere. I had the opportunity to go out with a really nice, really hot guy and turned it down for her and now she treats me like this? Granted, she didn't know that Eric kissed me or that we had a really nice evening of light flirting and much laughter. Unless she did know and that was why she was acting like a turd.

Angry at CeCe, I figured I would just get Lucy and go to bed early since I wasn't going to be seeing her this evening. The next morning came and CeCe had still failed to call me. At this point, I was getting less interested in hearing from her—the longer she took to call me back. I had done nothing wrong. I was a good friend. For her to treat me with such insincerity was bothersome. What had happened?

About five PM I called CeCe after no word from her since she arrived home yesterday.

"Hello?" I heard CeCe's voice.

"Hello?" I said sounding a bit perturbed.

"Hi Char. I'm sorry I didn't call you. I'm not feeling good." CeCe said yawning.

"I'm sorry to hear that but why didn't you at least call me when you were driving home so I knew you were okay?"

"You're not my mother are you?" CeCe said brashly.

"CeCe! What is going on? You hung up the phone on me before that party and you didn't even call me like you said you would. You had enough time to call when you were driving. I was worried about you because I knew you were drinking and have been very stressed lately. And no, I'm not your mother but I am a good mother and a better friend than how you're behaving right now."

"Chill out Char. I don't need more people yelling at me or telling me what I'm doing wrong."

"Me—chill out? What has happened to you—to us? I love you CeCe and you are being so hurtful. I just care about you and miss you and I've been waiting for you to come home. I even set up a surprise bonfire tonight for us to hang out with Eric and Richie at the beach."

"I'm sorry Char. I'm not feeling very good. That was nice of you but I'm not going to be able to come out tonight."

"CeCe—what is going on? Do you want me to come over?" I asked hearing something in her crackled voice.

"No, I'm just not feeling well. I'm in bed. Tell Eric and Richie I said hi tonight."

"Are you sure? I can come over. I don't like fighting with you CeCe. You're my best friend—I was really worried about you and I miss you." I said feeling frustrated with how quickly the conversation went to pot.

"I'm sorry too Char. I'm sure. I just need sleep. I'll call you when I'm feeling better. It's been a really long semester and I just need some rest."

"Okay then, call me after you've gotten enough rest or if you need anything or anyone...like your best friend."

"Thank you Char."

"You're welcome Ce, I love you."

"I love you too, goodnight."

"Goodnight CeCe." I hung up the phone.

Something had changed but I wasn't sure what. Her feeling better and needing rest ended up taking another two weeks. CeCe hadn't bothered calling and was a no-show to Christmas Eve mass and Christmas at our house. Although difficult, I avoided making the first phone call to her. I wanted badly to speak with CeCe and see her but wanted to know that she still felt the same way about our friendship. She was my best friend and only lived five minutes away but her absence while home made it no different than when she was five hours away at school. I was on winter break from school as well and although busy with raising Lucy and working at the diner, I managed to fill in CeCe's absence with Eric. When Eric asked about CeCe, I said that she was getting over some flu and didn't want to get anyone else sick. I didn't want to pull him into any drama or poison him against her. I just wanted my best friend back but in the meantime Eric's companionship was very welcoming and made life, living singly, a little less lonely.

I saw CeCe twice before she went back to school. Once we went to the movies and talked very little. Our conversations were mostly superficial with little meat or grit. The second time she visited me at the diner, I was working. We were busy at the time she came in and I spent very little time with her as I was busy running trays of food back and forth, taking orders, and ringing up checks. CeCe, for some reason, had been avoiding me for the most part. If someone had heard our conversations, they wouldn't be able to tell we were best friends. CeCe had changed. I hadn't; I was still the same girl, except with more responsibilities now. Sadness filled my heart as she left for school with little emotion towards me. Like Skylar, once again, I felt abandoned by someone so close and dear to me.

Months had passed since I'd seen or heard from CeCe. It was almost April and I was getting ready to graduate with my Associates degree. Her absence from my life made it hard to write my book about best friends. I grew closer to Eric, as a friend, and we spent more time with him and Aiden. Eventually, I opened up to him about the displacement of my friendship with CeCe. He listened and offered no suggestions or judgment. He merely listened until finally I had little left to say about the condition of our friendship. Our conversations slowly changed from CeCe to other topics. Eric played the piano for me. He had written a ballad. It was untitled or at least he said it was. The notes were deep and soulful just like him. When he played, everything else faded away. He was lost in the music and so was I. It was hard not to get caught up in the moment. I questioned if I had made the right decision to be just friends. But deep down inside, despite his perfection in almost every way, I still felt a loyalty to CeCe and couldn't think of betraying that if she still had an interest in him.

Graduation was around the corner and I decided to call CeCe to invite her to my big day. I was proud, that even though delayed, I had accomplished what many said I probably wouldn't have being a young, single-mother. I would not be stopped. This was just the groundwork for my career in journalism. The last time I sat in a cap and gown my best friend sat beside me, cheering me on. I wanted so badly for CeCe to come and be with me this day. I had worked so hard and put so many hours in to make this a reality. I wanted the most important people there to share my achievement. I wanted—needed CeCe there. I sent an invitation to her school address and left her a voicemail twice.

Graduation Day came and all of my family with Lucy, Aunt Juanita, Trudy, and Eric sat in the audience. I sat, somberly, on the stage with my fellow graduates. This time I had no speech to give. All I had to do was to sit and enjoy the moment. I sat and stared at the empty chair where CeCe was supposed to sit. I couldn't help but take this personally. I knew she was busy, but it was a Saturday. She could have driven down the night before. She could have called to say she couldn't make it and wished me congratulations, but she didn't. As the ceremonies ended and our family got up to leave, I spotted CeCe's parents. They walked towards us with Beverly holding a blue envelope and James holding a bouquet of flowers.

"Hi Charlotte, CeCe wasn't able to make it and asked if we could come to congratulate you." Beverly said, smiling.

"That was so nice of you Bev." My mother said, reaching out to hug her.

"These are for you." James said, handing me the bouquet of flowers.

"And this too." Beverly placed a blue envelope in my other hand.

"Thank you, that was so nice of both of you." I said still in shock to see them at my graduation.

Beverly carefully bent down, in her dress, to Lucy's height, "You are getting so big and so pretty like your mama."

Lucy smiled and held onto my knee, hiding partially behind my leg.

"Would you like to come over sometime and go swimming in our pool? No one uses it with CeCe being gone all the time." Beverly said looking up at me.

"Thanks, I'm sure she'd enjoy that. She loves the water."

"Well feel free to come over whenever. You don't need an invitation." Beverly said before standing back up and straightening her dress.

"We have to get going, congratulations Charlotte." James said.

"Thank you both for coming. When you talk to CeCe, will you please tell her I said hi?" I asked.

"We will if we can get a hold of her. She's always so busy." Beverly said rolling her eyes.

"Thank you both." My mother said shaking James's hand and nodding at Beverly.

"Bye." I said waving.

"That was weird." Richie piped up.

I looked at my mother and Eric—the two people who knew I was hurt by CeCe's absenteeism. I was surprised that she had sent them and that they actually came. I hadn't said anything to Richie about CeCe as he was immersed in his current play and I didn't want to bother another person with my CeCe issues. I found it strange though as CeCe grew farther apart from me; her mother seemed more congenial now then she did the whole time we were growing up.

We went to Tru Rox for a celebratory dinner. Trudy closed the diner that Saturday night for a small graduation dinner in my honor. It was nice. I was blessed to have so many good people around me that I tried not to think of CeCe and her almost non-existence in my life. I received many cards, gifts, and well-wishes. I opened the card from Beverly and James. Inside were five words 'Charlotte, a job well done' written in Beverly's handwriting, along with two-hundred dollars. I could feel the tears waiting to fall as I fought them back with so many people present. Eric slipped me his card, later in the evening while people were busy talking loudly and laughing. He gave Lucy a hug and twirled her around, with flying giggles, before he came back over to where I was sitting. He gave me a hug and congratulated me one more time before he left.

"What's up with you guys?" Richie asked.

"We're just friends Rich."

"Why? He's a great guy and obviously he cares about you." Richie remarked.

"He is a great guy and a wonderful friend. But he's just a friend." I said trying to convince myself.

"Yeah, he's better than some other friends of yours." Richie said sarcastically.

"Richie don't say that about CeCe."

"I didn't mention any names, you did." He looked at me.

"Her parents gave me two-hundred dollars in their card."

"Yeah, her parents did not CeCe—CeCe didn't even show up. What's going on with her?" He asked, looking for a truthful answer.

"I don't know. It really bothers me but I've done everything I can. I can't make her be my friend."

"No, but you can't put your life on pause because CeCe decides to take a hiatus from being your best friend."

"I'm not."

"Really? Eric Sothersby, a nice, guy who would do anything for you—who follows you around all the time—who's good to your daughter—who's perfect for you— is interested in you and you keep him at the friend's level because you're waiting for CeCe to make up her mind—to decide if she's going to come back and like him instead? I love CeCe too—you know that. Char, when are you going to do something good for yourself?"

"What are you talking about Richie? I just finished my Associates degree in journalism—something I've always wanted."

"Char—you know you can't just work at Trudy's for the rest of your life—that's her dream not yours. Your degree is only part of it—you can't forget about your heart."

"I'm trying to enjoy this day, not be a moppy mess."

"Okay, I'll leave you alone for now. But what are you going to do if you miss the right opportunity when it was right in front of you all along?"

"Then I'll have to deal with it when it happens. I just want to try and enjoy this moment as much as possible."

"I love you sis. I want all the wonderful things in this life for you. Eric is one of them. At least consider him a possibility?"

"I'm making no promises but I'll think about it." I said, wiping a tear from leaving my eyelid quickly.

As much as I didn't want to admit it, Richie was right. This chapter of my life was quickly ending. My friendship, if you could call it that, with CeCe was questionable. I virtually ran Tru-Rox when Trudy was off. Trudy had been a great friend and a huge blessing when I needed a job but I had to consider what I could do with my writing. I needed to get back to writing my book again and see what I was capable of. My mother's words 'you have the power to change your fate' swirled around in my head again and again. There was something bubbling inside me that needed to be birthed—something that was deep and needed life. I took up running in the evenings, just before dusk, to clear my head. While I ran, thoughts exploded for book ideas, again about best friends but with real-life circumstances—the good and the ugly. I began writing and found refuge in memories of CeCe and I—some that made me laugh and others that made me hurt—but all life-inspiring. About two weeks after I received my degree, a posting for a part-time columnist, in the local newspaper, Marys Reporter, appeared. Although I had no experience, the newspaper editor knew my father and was a good friend of his. He decided to give me a three-month trial-basis to see if it were a good fit. I quit my job at the dinner after I received the job offer. I was responsible for writing a weekly column on local social happenings and community issues. When I wasn't busy gathering information for the column, I worked with the marketing department to sell ads in the newspaper. I was on a learning curve, being the youngest at the newspaper by at least ten years. In the evenings Eric and I took Lucy and Aiden to the park while I read and researched topics for my column. My first column had a total of seven revisions before it was approved. The next week, I had five revisions before it went to print. I was writing about tax increases on the elderly, the Lions Club fundraisers for college scholarships and anything else I could get a response from the public on. I enjoyed the search for topics even though it was not my first choice for writing; it gave me good experience. I worked on my book on my days off.

I contemplated Richie's words about Eric in the back of my head. I hadn't made any decisions yet, but as time passed and CeCe was still missing, my fondness for Eric grew as did his. Lucy became closer with Eric and he, also, with her. He had a gentle spirit. I enjoyed watching him swing her around as she giggled and yelled 'more, more'. There were times that he caught me gazing at him and smiled back.

I wondered back to his statement of what might have been if I had been the one to show him around the first day in fifth grade instead of CeCe. I wondered if that would have made a difference in how I controlled my feelings for him now. There were things about Eric that reminded me of Skylar. They were both incredibly handsome and of good character—or at least Skylar had seemed to be of good character before he failed to ever show up again. Eric didn't seem to care that I had a life before his friendship or that I was a single-mother. He never got mad at me when I had to work and break plans with him. He even brought me cappuccinos to my work when I was under tight deadlines and needed a pick-me-up. Eric was all over my life yet Skylar remained in the back of my mind especially as I watched Lucy grow and speculated where some of her mannerisms and features came from.

It was mid-May and Eric's dad had one more appointment left in Savannah. The doctors reported that he was doing very well and just needed one follow up to confirm they were able to eradicate all of the cancer. Eric surprised me at work, before he left, with an early Birthday present. From a small wrapped box, I opened a coffee pot that made single-servings. He smiled and noted that I needed this since I was turning 21 and might want a _drink_. He said it should help fill in for him bringing the usual cappuccino to work for me while he was gone. I gladly accepted the gift and gave him a dancing hula girl, with long brown hair, so he could see it on his dashboard for the drive to Savannah. I figured a few laughs would be good for him and, that maybe, he'd think of me when he watched the hula dancer. Upon saying goodbye, he hugged me and kissed my forehead. I grabbed his hand as he turned to leave, stood up on my tip-toes, leaned into him and pressed my lips to his. With his eyes open, I caught his glimpse and felt his lips open to smile. He wrapped his arms around me and a jittery feeling shot up my stomach as he held me tightly in his embrace. He lifted me up and swung me around.

"Wow." He said looking into my eyes as he lowered me to the ground. "So, all it took was buying you a coffee maker—I should have done that a long time ago?"

"I've wanted to do that for a long time." I said, fixing my eyes on his.

"I've waited for you to want that for a long time." He said, breaking into a smile.

"Thank you for being a good man."

"You make me happy Charlotte."

"You make us happy." I said grabbing his hands into mine.

"I'll be thinking about you two while I'm gone."

"I hope so."

"I'll see you soon. May I have one more kiss to take with me? I'm still in shock from the first one."

"You're asking?" I titled me head.

"Just making sure I'm not dreaming."

I leaned into him once more and felt the warmth of his lips kiss me. He slipped back into the shy Eric I knew as a kid. He opened his eyes again as we caught each other's glance before breaking into laughter.

"I think I'm gonna miss you." I said.

"Yeah? I'll be back before you know it."

"Okay, bye, I guess." I bit my lip as he gave me one quick peck on the lips before he let go of my hands and walked towards the door. I stood there as he turned around several times on his way out, smiling back at me.

I wasn't sure what I'd just done but it felt so nice to have a good guy care for me and Lucy. There was an innocence about Eric. He was handsome, kind, funny, and great with kids—my kid. He was almost perfect. I had started to really care about him, and pushed my thoughts of CeCe and Skylar aside. For now, I tried my best to forget about Skylar and hoped that CeCe would come around.

Chapter 18: I Need You

Eric called me later that night to let me know they had gotten to Savannah safely. He told me they were booked with appointments the next few days but would try to call me in the evenings. He left me the name of the hotel and phone number in case I wanted to catch him up on what he was missing while he was gone. I was sure it was mostly because he wanted to hear my voice.

The next day, I woke up to the singing of birds through the window. It was strange—usually the birds and Lucy were competing in song. I looked over at Lucy and saw her lying still. Her eyes were open and she was wheezing, with rapid short breaths. Her lips were bluish and her eyes looked glazed over.

"Lucy? Lucy—honey it's mommy. Honey what's wrong baby?" I picked her up and she made no attempt to move.

"Mom, Mom, Mom—something's wrong with Lucy. Call 911. Her lips are blue." I screamed for the whole house to hear me. Lucy stayed still in my arms, despite my elevated voice.

"What's wrong?" She came running into our room.

"She's acting really strange. I don't think she's getting enough oxygen. Her lips are blue." I said trying to not panic.

"Richard, call 911 now! Lucy's hyperventilating." My mother ordered. "We need to get her downstairs right away."

"Is she okay mom?" I saw the panic in my mother's eyes as I tried to remain calm.

"She'll be okay Char. We just need to get her to the hospital."

Lucy's breaths were becoming fainter and her face was the color of a pale moon.

"Lucy, honey. It's nana sweetie. Look at nana." My mom said trying to get her to look at her as she gazed past us.

"Mom, what's happening?" I started feeling sick with knots tying up my stomach.

"I'm not sure. Did she put anything in her mouth? Did she get a hold of anything poisonous?" My mother asked as we rushed downstairs.

"I just woke up. She was lying there not making any noise when I called you." I said feeling sheer terror building up.

"Lucy, nana's going to check your mouth while we wait for the ambulance. Richard did you call 911 yet?" She yelled into the kitchen as she headed for the living room floor.

"I'm on the phone with them now. They're on their way." He yelled back.

She propped open Lucy's mouth without any hesitation from Lucy. She just lied there not moving. Her small arms and legs, which were usually busy running and getting into things, were motionless.

"I don't see anything in her mouth." My mother said. "She looks like she's barely breathing."

"What does that mean mom? Is she okay?"

"The ambulance will be here any minute. They will know what's happening." She said, trying to be reassuring.

"Lucy sweetie; it's mommy—it's going to be okay honey." I said picking her up in my arms and rocking her as the tears started to stream down my face.

"They're here." My mother said as she ran to the door to let the EMT's and paramedics in.

"I've got her here." I said as I kissed her head fearing the worst as she lay still in my arms.

"Mam, we need you to lay her down here." One of the EMT's said.

"Is she going to be okay? She's not moving. She was just fine, yesterday, before we went to bed. She was fine." I said, crying as I got out the last few words.

"I checked her mouth and I didn't see in anything in there." My mother said.

"Mam, how long ago did this start?"

"We just woke up and she was lying there—her lips were bluish and she wasn't making any noise. She's breathing really fast." I said moving out of the way so they could get to her tiny body.

"Okay, mam. Did she eat anything unusual before you went to bed? Does she have any allergies?"

"No, nothing unusual and I don't know of any allergies." I said watching Lucy helplessly.

"Okay, right now she's not getting enough oxygen. Does she have Asthma?"

"No; not that I know of."

"Is there any family history of asthma?" He asked taking her vitals.

"No; not that I know of. Oh well, I don't know about her dad's side—maybe?"

"Her oxygen level is very low and she needs oxygen now." He said pulling a small mask out of his bag.

"Will that help her?"

"Her oxygen level was 86 and it needs to be 95 percent or better. This will help but we need to get her to the hospital immediately."

"Okay, can I come with her? I can't leave her. She'll be scared." I said touching her foot.

"Yes mam. You can ride in the back."

"Thank you. Mom, please pack a bag for Lucy and call Father John. Have him pray for her—please!" I asked as the EMT and paramedics strapped Lucy's tiny body onto the gurney and headed towards the door.

"I will honey. Dad and I will be right behind you as soon as I can get Grandma Rose to come watch Evi." My mom said hugging me. "She'll be okay honey."

"She's my baby mom. Nothing can happen to her." I cried as I broke free to catch up with them to get out to the ambulance.

"We're praying honey. We'll be right there." I heard her voice as I ran out the front door.

Inside the ambulance, I sat to the left of Lucy's head. She was still not moving much and the paramedics continued to monitor her oxygen and pulse rate. They asked me a series of questions as the sirens blared all the way to the hospital. I sat there feeling helpless, crying mostly and praying silently that God would keep my baby girl safe. Everything had been going well for us lately. Nothing good lasts forever I thought to myself. I continued to pray to God to heal my little girl as I stroked her head and rubbed her small shoulder. Her lips were less blue but her color remained pallid.

"Mam, we'll be pulling in a moment. We are going to get her off and get her in to the ER immediately. I'm going to have you follow us. Someone will take you to the ER waiting area."

"Can I go with her please? She's never been away from me or my family." I begged.

"Mam, we have skilled people in there that will take the best care of your daughter. Right now they are waiting to help her. Someone will let you know as soon as you can see her." He said politely.

"Okay, I just need her to be okay." I said tearfully.

"We know mam." He said putting his hand on my shoulder as the other paramedic and EMT lifted the gurney out of the ambulance.

"I need to give her another kiss." I said following the gurney.

"Lucy, mommy loves you baby. I'll be right here Lu." I said kissing her forehead.

I followed as close behind as I could before they went behind two double doors and disappeared where a sign read _employees only_ hung. A nurse saw me and walked me over to the ER family waiting area. I looked around and saw two other people pacing the room. I sat down and stood right back up. I couldn't sit not knowing what was happening to Lucy. She was receiving medical care but hadn't looked any better in the ambulance ride. She just laid there which was abnormal for my busy, almost two year old daughter who melted anyone's heart that knew her. Her birthday, June first, three days before mine, was only a week away. I continued praying; wondering what was going on with Lucy. I was alone at the very moment that I needed someone, more than ever, to be with me. My mom and dad had not arrived yet. Eric was in Savannah with his dad and my best friend, CeCe, wasn't returning my calls.

I looked at my watch. She had already been back there 15 minutes. I should know something by now. My parents were still not there and I couldn't help but cry as I paced the room. I just need her to be okay God, I pleaded in my head. I needed someone to tell me she'd be okay. I couldn't imagine a life without her. This unexpected little beauty had made my life better in so many ways. I couldn't lose her. Her oxygen levels were really low, I recalled the paramedic saying. I saw a payphone, in the waiting area, and pulled out my wallet. I dialed her number and deposited 75 cents.

The phone rang and rang it seemed, for several minutes, until I heard voicemail pick up.

"Hi, this is CeCe. You know what to do—get me some fried chicken and leave your number so I can thank ya."

I laughed for a second, beneath my tears. "CeCe, I need you. I don't know what's happened and why you don't return my calls. But I really need you. Lucy's in the hospital." I started to cry harder. "And she's not doing well. I don't know what's going on. She woke up barely breathing—her lips were blue. Please pray for her. I really need you here and I miss you so much." I cried as I hung up the phone.

"We rushed to get here as soon as we could." My mother said, as I turned around from the payphone.

"I haven't heard anything yet." I sniffled, as I wiped my eyes with my sleeve.

"Dad and Richie are parking the car. They'll be in shortly." My mother said rubbing my back.

"Mom, I'm going insane. I can barely think right now."

"Lucy is going to be alright. You've got to have some faith Char."

"I keep telling myself that but she looked so terrible in the ambulance mom." I felt a tidal wave of tears break free.

"We are just going to believe for the best Charlotte." My mother said walking us towards a tissue box.

"I'm trying to be positive mom." I said grabbing a tissue.

"Your Aunt Juanita called just before I left the house. I told her that Lucy was having difficulty breathing. She said to tell you she's praying too and that she's on her way up here."

"Thanks mom."

"I also called Father John and he is praying, as well as all the other members that he can get a hold of to pray."

"Thanks mom. I just don't understand why this is happening. Why Lucy?"

"Things happen sometimes. Honey, I don't know why."

"Have you heard anything yet?" I heard my father say, as I peered up to see a look of concern on his face and worry on Richie's.

"We haven't heard anything yet." My mother said solemnly.

"Honey, she's going to be okay." My father said bending down.

"I know. She's got to be." I said wiping tears away with my tissue.

"She's a bright light in all of our lives. God's not going to remove that light now."

"Daddy, she's my little girl." I said holding back everything I could to keep from breaking down.

"I know baby." He said reaching out to hug me tightly. "I know she is."

"Do you need some coffee Char? Mom?" Richie asked glumly.

"I could use some." My mother answered. "Richie—how about you bring us all some coffee." My mother said, opening her wallet to pull out a ten dollar bill.

"Mom, dad—just black?" Richie asked.

"Yes for both." My mom replied.

"Char, I'll get you a cappuccino." Richie said, before heading off.

"I need to call Eric." I said thinking of him after Richie said cappuccino.

"Do you need change honey?" My dad asked.

"No, I've got some. Thank you." I said getting up again.

I pulled out my wallet and searched for Eric's hotel number. It was almost nine but I knew he was probably gone for the day—for his dad's appointments. I dialed his number, anyway, hoping to get an answer. The operator said 'please deposit 45 cents'. I pulled out the coins and tossed them in the phone.

"Hello, Savannah Inn, how may I help you?" I heard a female voice say.

"I need room 307, please."

"One moment while I transfer you."

"Okay, thank you." I said hoping Eric would be there to pick up.

Again, the phone rang and rang. I knew he'd be gone already.

"Would you like to leave him a message at the front desk?" The lady at the desk asked.

"No, I'll try later. Thank you."

"No answer?" My mother probed.

"No, they're already gone for his dad's appointments." I said looking around for any nurses or doctors or someone to tell me something.

"Come sit by dad and I."

"Why is it taking so long?"

"They'll tell us something as soon as they can honey." My dad reassured me.

"They only had coffee Char. So I got you a coffee with cream and sugar." Richie said, balancing four coffee cups.

"Thanks Richie."

We sat there sipping our coffees, on the edge of our seats, for the next 45 minutes. Finally, a man dressed in green scrubs appearing to be in his fifties, with thinning hair, came out of one of the double doors. He looked in our direction and walked quickly.

"Hi, I'm Dr. Greenfield. Which one of you is Lucy Buchanan's mother?"

"I am. Is she okay?" I asked, frightened for a response.

"She is stable now. But her oxygen levels were really low and she had a lot of carbon dioxide in her lungs from hyperventilating. We needed to get more oxygen to the lungs quickly, so we intubated her."

"What does that mean?" I asked somewhat relieved and cautious about the intubation.

"It's a tube that's placed down her throat to get oxygen to her lungs and rest of her body faster. It also helps to regulate her blood oxygen levels by getting enough oxygen to the parts that were high in carbon dioxide."

"How long does she have to have that in?" I asked.

"For as long as it takes to regulate her blood oxygen levels."

"Okay. Can I see her please?"

"Yes, she's sleeping right now. We gave her something to help her rest. We believe she may have had an asthma attack. We received the report from the paramedics that she had been fine with no allergies or illnesses previous to this morning?" He questioned.

"Yeah, she was fine. Nothing unusual—we played outside but we always play outside in the evenings before bed, if it's nice out."

"Okay. We're still running a few tests but I'm recommending that she start using a nebulizer daily to help keep her lungs open and from constricting. At least for now, she'll need to keep an inhaler with her at all times. That will help if she starts to wheeze and has difficulty breathing. The inhaler helps to open her airway and prevent lung spasms which makes her cough—which repeatedly causes her to start wheezing and then gasp for air in panic."

"Thank you so much doctor." I said, wanting to run back to see Lucy, as fast as I could to kiss her and wrap my arms around her tiny body.

"You are welcome. Follow me." He said turning towards the double doors.

"Our Lucy's okay." My mother said, walking next to me, with her arm around my shoulder.

"Mom, I was so worried."

"I know sweetie. I was too."

"Okay, you'll need to wash your hands before you go in. She's stable but we need to be careful. Probably just a few minutes for all of you to visit should be fine. Mom—you're allowed to stay for as long as Lucy is here with no restrictions." Dr. Greenfield said.

I washed my hands quickly and thoroughly to make sure I wasn't bringing any extra germs in. I walked into the room and saw her small body in a hospital crib. A tube was coming out of her mouth just like the doctor said. It was taped to her face. There was a nurse reading her vitals and writing them down. Beeps and humming equipment surrounded Lucy as she slept peacefully. My baby was safe in the midst of the storm that shook us from our beds this morning. I thanked God as I touched her slender arms and stroked her bronzed blonde hair that fell just below her shoulders.

"I'm Jenny. I'll be Lucy's nurse until the next shift."

"Thank you. I'm Char, her mom." I said quietly as I kept my hands and eyes on Lucy.

"Honey, we won't stay too long. I know the doctor doesn't want too many people in here. We just want to peek at her and tell her we love her—even though she's sleeping." My mother said slipping her hand into the crib to rub Lucy's cheek.

I stood towards the front of Lucy's bed as my mother, father, and brother, Richie, gathered around her. The nurse finished up documenting data and hung up Lucy's chart, in the slot by the door, before stepping out. My mom and dad or as Lucy calls them, nana and papa, kissed her cheeks and forehead and spoke softly to her that they loved her. Richie rubbed her tiny hand in his. After a few moments, my dad grabbed my hand and nudged my mom and Richie to hold hands. My dad placed his other hand on Lucy's head and began to pray for her continued healing and health. He prayed for comfort for Lucy and strength for me. He thanked God for the love and joy that she brings into our lives and finished praying.

"Is there anything I can get you before we leave? How about some lunch? You didn't even have breakfast." My mother commented.

"Um, okay. If you want; I'm not that hungry right now, though." I said still focusing on Lucy.

"She's going to be fine." My dad said putting his arm around me before kissing the top of my head.

"I know." I said starting to tear up.

"Oh honey. Your dad's right, she's going to be fine." My mother said hugging the other side of me.

"I know. It just scared me so bad. Her lips were dark blue. What if I hadn't woken up in time?" I said starting to cry as I watched her underneath the tape, breathing tube, and wires taped all along her arm.

"We can't focus on those things. She's going to be okay." My mom said.

"What if it happens again?" I said pulling my sleeve up to my face to wipe away the puddle of tears on my cheek and neck.

"The doctor said that he's going to have her use a nebulizer to prevent that from happening again." My dad said in a matter-of-fact.

"She's safe and she's going to remain safe." My mom added as she hugged me closer.

"She's got to—she's my whole world."

"Richard, I'm going to get some food from the cafeteria for Char and see if the doctor will let me stay a little while with Char—so she's not alone right now. I'll be back in a bit if you will stay with her until I return." My mother said squeezing my hand before heading out the door.

"Okay dear." He called back.

My father pulled up a chair for me to sit in and another for himself. Richie stood back keeping a watchful eye on Lucy. We talked some but my father knew that right now I just needed to be with Lucy, with little distraction or noise. We all waited for my mother to return. The nurse came in again to read the computer monitors and jot down some more information. She asked if she could get us something to drink. I kindly declined the offer and she persisted, noting that she had the time to get us drinks and stated that the hospital rooms get very dry. I recanted, and asked for grape juice as my father and Richie requested for water. Several minutes later, she came back into the room with our beverages. She handed me my grape juice as I sat tensely, beside Lucy's bed. I removed the paper off the top of the straw and flashed back to almost two years earlier, in the same hospital. I was tired and had just given birth to Lucy. Exhausted, I held this tiny, perfect, little beauty all bundled up on my chest. I looked at her in awe as I had never felt or could have imagined the love I would feel for my child. I kissed her small forehead as her cries became quieted by the closeness of her body to mine. As the midwife finished up with me I looked over at Lucy and watched the nurses take her vitals. I remember the midwife saying I lost a lot of blood. The nurse offered to get me grape juice to help with my fatigue.

"Okay, so I spoke with Dr. Greenfield and he said that I could stay a few hours with you Char. I also brought you a bacon cheeseburger and fries from the cafeteria." My mother said pulling up the bedside table to my chair.

"I think we're going to leave then dear." My dad said, standing up abruptly.

"Thank you dad for coming and praying. Please keep praying."

"You know I will honey." My dad said, hugging me tightly.

"Thank you." I said as he kissed my forehead before letting go to kiss Lucy.

"I love you Char." Richie said hugging me next. "She's going to be fine and home by tomorrow."

"Thanks Rich."

"Honey, I'll pick you up around five PM." My dad said, kissing my mother goodbye.

"Thank you; can you tell Rose that I said thank you and that Lucy is stable?" She said, holding his embrace.

"Yes, I'll let her know babe."

"Thank you guys," My mother told them as she hugged Richie goodbye next.

"No problem mom."

"Thanks dad, thank you Richie." I said, before they disappeared out the door. "Mom, thank you for staying with me and getting me food," I added.

"You're welcome sweetie. Eat it before it gets cold. Here—I'll help you with the fries." She smiled, grabbing a small handful of fries.

I ate the burger like I was famished. I hadn't even given food a thought with Lucy's life hanging in the balance. I scarfed down the burger in mere minutes and moved onto the fries before reaching out to grab my grape juice to wash it all down. My mother snacked on an apple that she pulled out of her purse.

We sat close together beside Lucy's bed. My mother was always my biggest comfort when things got overwhelming. She talked about things to take my mind off the present stressors. Known for her kindness and humor, she knew how to make me laugh and ease my stress. She brushed my long brown hair and braided it into a fish tail down the side of my head as she told me stories of her and Aunt Juanita when they were younger. She also shared some of the events that me and my brothers did to scare her when we were youngsters and reassured me that Lucy would be fine. My mother told me how proud she was of me and of all my accomplishments. She got a bit tearful as she expressed how rewarding it was for her to watch me parent Lucy and told me that I was a wonderful, kind, and fun mother. She was good at giving people compliments and did so at every opportunity. I was so relieved to have my mother with me; she knew just what to do and say.

"If you want to take a little rest, I'll be right here with you and Lucy. Since, you're spending the night, you might get tired later. That way too—when she wakes up you'll be able to spend time with her if you're more rested now." My mom tried coaxing me.

"I don't know that I can sleep but thank you mom."

"If you change your mind—there's a recliner over there you can curl up in." She pointed.

"Thanks." I yawned.

"See, you're tired and could use some rest. I'll be right here honey if she wakes up before you. If she does, I promise to wake you right away." She said looking in the cabinet for something.

"Okay, I guess. I'm tired but I just want to make sure she sees my face first because she won't know where she is or why the tube is in her mouth." I said, bending down to kiss her forehead.

"I found you a pillow and a blanket dear." My mother turned around with both.

"Thanks mom." I said before I whispered "I love you sugar face" into Lucy's ear.

"Come get comfy and I'll cover you up."

"Mommy loves you baby." I said, stroking Lucy's cheek again as I kissed her another few times.

"I'll close the shades too—that should help block some of the light out."

"Thanks mom. I'm not sure that I'm going to fall asleep though."

"Okay, sit down already so I can cover you up. Your dad will be back in a few hours and you should get some rest now dear."

"Okay, okay."

She turned the lights down low and only a few streams of light peeked in from the blinds. She reclined the chair and placed the soft pillow to the left of my head to lean against. Next, she laid the hospital blanket on top of me and tucked in the corners around my arms and sides and under my feet.

"I love you Char. Get some rest. I will be right here with Lucy. She is fine." She reassured. "I'll wake you up when dad comes unless Lucy wakes up before then."

"Okay, thanks mom." I said yawning before I closed my eyes and tried to stop the many thoughts running through my mind.

I laid there with my eyes closed thinking about the day. I turned to peek at Lucy.

"She's fine honey." My mom said, without looking up.

I turned towards the windows again catching a glare from the sun peering through the cracks in between the shades. I was comfortable and tired but still wanted to be there when Lucy awoke from her sleep. I closed my eyes again. I wondered about Skylar, randomly, before I felt a small sense of guilt for not thinking about Eric first. After all, he had been there for me and Lucy and would be here now if he weren't taking care of his father, in Savannah. He was so good to me and I felt bad for letting my mind drift towards Skylar before him. After I stopped the argument amongst myself and my thoughts I thought about CeCe. A pang of anger sprang up—she should have cared enough to try and come to the hospital, if not at least call, to see how Lucy was doing. This was important; she should have been here. I wondered what I'd done to push her so far away. She was the only best friend I had ever known, other than maybe Richie or my mother. She was there for everything big and small, scary and funny. There was nothing she did not know about me. She was the only person I ever truly felt comfortable bearing my soul to, other than Skylar. I missed her so much and at the same time felt resentment towards her for disappearing out of my life just like Skylar. CeCe didn't have an excuse though. I couldn't think of anything so bad that I would've done to hurt her or make her that mad at me. We'd been joined to the hip since third grade. The last six months CeCe had been nothing more than a stranger or at most an acquaintance in my life. I grappled with the swirling, tangled, thoughts of CeCe, Eric and Skylar. I just needed to turn off my mind. I silently prayed for rest and for Lucy to continue to get better before drifting off to sleep for what seemed only a moment.

"Charlotte, honey, wake up. Your dad's here and I'm leaving in just a few minutes." I heard my mother say as I jolted awake.

"Is she up?" I looked over at Lucy with glazed eyes.

"No honey, she's still sleeping. But she's fine. The nurses are coming in and checking on her every half hour." My mom said, straightening out my braid.

"Okay. Thank you for waking me up mom." I yawned, scratching my head

"You're welcome sweetie. Do you want to sit in this chair?"

"Yeah, give me a minute to wake up. I didn't realize I was that tired."

"That's okay babe. You've had a long day."

"Yeah, it has been a long day."

"You know you can call anytime of the day if you need to honey." My mother insisted as I slept-walked to her chair.

"Okay mom. I'll call you when she wakes up unless it's in the middle of the night." I said, bringing the covers with me to cuddle up in.

"Alright, I love you Char. I love you too sugar bug." She said to Lucy kissing her nose, gently, before turning around to lean my head into her arms. "You can call me whenever."

"Thanks mom. I will if I need to."

"Okay sweetie. Bye girls." She waved as she stepped away.

"Bye mom. I'll see you tomorrow."

She left and it was Lucy and I again. I looked over at Lucy and she remained still. Her color had gotten better and I watched as her chest raised and lowered in a relaxed manner. I picked up her hand closest to me and held it in my right hand. Her other hand had an oximeter on her index finger with tape all over it to keep it in place. She hadn't moved but appeared to be comfortable enough. The humming continued which I had barely noticed at this point other than the deafening silence that filled the room. On occasion, the sound of nurses talking as they passed by the door echoed in.

I held tight to Lucy's slightly warm fingers and put my feet up on the side of her bed. I wrapped the covers around my midsection and sipped the last of my lukewarm grape juice before tossing it in the trash can beside the table. I leaned close to her bed and quietly hummed _you are my sunshine._ I was still sleepy and could barely control myself from yawning. I jerked uncomfortably as I had begun to fall asleep again.

I put my feet down and looked around for the television remote control. Unlucky in my search, I opened up the drawers in the table behind my chair. The first drawer had a pad of paper and a box of tissue. I closed the drawer and opened the next one. I found a maroon-colored book titled Gideon's Bible. I pulled it out and closed the drawer.

I flipped it open and the pages turned to the book of Jeremiah. My mother had read most all of the bible to me growing up. She would read to me as I fell asleep. I never knew when she stopped as her reading usually lulled me to sleep. I remembered having to memorize various scriptures in my confirmation classes. It had been awhile since I read the bible. I started reading, silently, until I began to get sleepy again. I decided to try reading aloud to Lucy and I. While skipping around verses, I came upon a familiar scripture in Jeremiah 29:11. It read, _for I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not harm you, plans to give you hope and a future._ I felt a warm tingling sensation run over my body, leaving goose bumps on my arms and neck. I looked over at Lucy again and smiled as I felt my body relax. I continued reading; yawning every few words. I leaned against the crib-type bed Lucy laid in and continued reading a short while until dozing off.

Sometime later I awoke to knocking followed by a hello. It was dark in the room as I rubbed my eyes open to see the shape of a female standing in the doorway. Squinting to see who was at the door in the dim-lit room, I suddenly saw CeCe standing there. I rubbed my eyes again to make sure I was actually seeing her.

"Can I come in?"

"Yes." I yawned.

I was so tired. I had a myriad of feelings going through my body. I was happy to see her and angry that it had taken Lucy ending up in the hospital for her to come back to see her best friend. She slowly made her way over to the bed as she looked over at Lucy.

"Is she okay?"

"She should be okay." I said surprised by the baggy sweatshirt and sweatpants CeCe wore. Her hair looked slightly greasy and I could tell it hadn't been dyed in sometime. Her dishwater blonde roots had grown out several inches and she looked tired. Even in the darkness I could see the dark circles below her eyes. She looked terrible.

"Good. I came as soon as I got your message." She offered, making no eye contact with me.

"CeCe, where have you been?"

"I've been driving." She said, watching Lucy.

"No, where have you been? I haven't heard from you since Christmas." I said, sitting up now.

"I've been busy." She started to sniffle.

"Apparently, too busy for your best friend?" I said angrily.

"Char, I don't want a fight right now." She said, looking down at the floor.

"You don't want a fight then tell me what in the world is more important than your best friend? I get your busy. I'm busy too. I work, I go to school. I'm a single parent. You can't tell me you're busier than I am."

"Char, I don't want to talk about it right now. I came because you called me and I was worried about Lucy." She said, without looking at me still.

"What the hell? I've called you millions of times with nothing back. I needed you before now. Thankfully, my family was here beside me when I thought I might have lost Lucy." I said, feeling the tears start to build up.

"I'm sorry Char. I'm very sorry."

"Sorry?"

"Yes, I'm sorry. I had the worst semester and I haven't talked to anyone." She said, wiping her nose.

"What too many exams? Too many vacations with your parents? Or was it too many parties with your sorority sisters? That had to be really tough. Gosh, I don't know what I would've done."

"This is exactly why I haven't talked to you. You are so judgmental. Just because somebody doesn't do what you think they should do or act like you—it gives you the right to look down on them." CeCe suddenly raised her voice.

"Are you on drugs CeCe? Are you drinking—because I don't know what you're talking about? This is about you not returning your best friend's calls for the last five months."

CeCe glared at me with a look of pain and anger. "This is exactly what I'm talking about. Charlotte; the perfect one who never makes mistakes, who can do no wrong, who always has looked down at me for doing what I wanted to do instead of what you thought I should do." She barked back.

"Are you kidding me? I got pregnant at 18 from a one-night stand CeCe. I gave up what was left of my childhood to become a parent. Oh yeah, the guy who knocked me up I never heard from him again—remember that was when we use to be best friends. So, tell me what's worse than that? Huh? You got anything? Anything, at all? I know it's hard having everything you want given to you on a silver platter. I can't even imagine how stressful that must be for you." I said in complete disgust.

Through gritted teeth and tears falling from her eyes, I heard CeCe shriek back. "Yeah, well you were never alone when you were pregnant. I was there for you." Without holding back her emotions, she repeated, "I was there for you, Char."

Feeling my level of anger rising I asked, "Are you pregnant CeCe?"

"No, I'm not anymore." She said, with her lips pursed tightly together wiping her eyes.

"What do you mean anymore?"

"I'm not anymore." She sniffled.

"Did you lose the baby?" I asked feeling ashamed for losing my temper with her.

"Yes." Tears streamed down her cheeks.

"When did you miscarry?" I asked feeling suddenly horrible for yelling at her and for not being there when she needed me.

"I didn't miscarry, Char. I had abortion." She said, looking at me through tear-filled eyes.

"You had an abortion?"

"Yes." CeCe confessed, fighting back tears.

"I started to feel bad—even ashamed just now for yelling at you. I felt bad for you thinking how you just lost a baby and how horrible that must feel—especially being all alone. And then, you tell me that you chose to lose that baby—that you had an abortion? I woke up this morning not knowing if I was going to lose my baby. While I was pleading with God to let my baby live and not die—my baby who I awoke to with blue lips—who was barely breathing and almost dead—you are standing here telling me that you chose to let your baby die?" I asked barely able to look at her.

"I came here to support you as I've always done Char. You have no idea how I feel. I don't need you to tell me how I feel or what I am. I've already cursed myself enough times to want to just curl up and die. I'm sick about what I've done. No one knows. I can't tell anyone. I'm ashamed and I can't change it—all I feel is sad and empty, all the time. You've always been jealous of the money my parents have to pacify me with but all the money in the world won't bring my baby back. I can't change what I've done as many times as I've wished I could. I've been sick to my stomach for months. I can't sleep, I can't eat. Whenever I see a baby, I have to look away to keep from losing it. There's a piece of me missing that I can never get back and I don't know if I'll ever feel okay again. I feel guilty for being alive. I feel guilty for wanting to feel happy again. I know I don't deserve to be happy. I wanted that baby—I wanted to have that baby so badly." CeCe said crying, shaking as she stood there. "I was scared. I'm not like you, Char. I don't have parents who love me like yours love you and are there for you. My parents would've never talked to me again. I couldn't tell you—you made the right choice—one I couldn't make. I couldn't face you—that's why I stayed away. It wasn't because I had outgrown you. I wanted so desperately to tell you but I couldn't bear to be rejected by you for not being as strong as you were. I didn't want to lose you. You're the only person that's ever loved me for me. Not even my mother allows me to be me—she's always trying to change me into something she can be proud of. I've always been an embarrassment to her—never living up to her standards. You've always been there for me. I'm sorry, I'm so sorry. I hate myself and I don't know what to do. I'm failing all my classes. I can't think clearly. I'm plagued by thoughts of what would have been if I kept my baby and now I'll never know. I'll never know Char!" CeCe collapsed to the floor.

"I'm so sorry too. I'm angry that you didn't think you could tell me. Of course, I'm angry that you didn't choose life. But I'm angry that you were alone in this when I would've moved mountains to be with you CeCe. I'm sad and angry that you don't have the most incredible gift in the world to love and love you back. I'm angry that you've been hurting all by yourself for months with no one there to love you—to get you through this." I said, nodding my head with a face full of tears as I paced the room.

"I don't know what to do. I'm probably going to get kicked out of school. My parents can only throw so much money at them before they are bound by some kind of ethical dilemma." CeCe sobbed. "Everywhere I go on campus, I'm reminded of my mistake. Every time I try to sleep I just keeping thinking about the baby and the procedure."

I stood up and grabbed the tissue box from the drawer and handed some to CeCe. I took out several for myself and sat back down. I wrapped my arms around her and leaned my head against her shoulder.

"How did this happen?"

"I was under so much pressure to be better than my parents. I was studying all the time just to get respectable grades. By the time the last semester was over, I just wanted to quit school. I needed a break. Instead, some of my sorority sisters talked me into going to a party. I needed to just forget about the last several months. There was plenty of alcohol and I kept drinking so that I would loosen up by the time we got to the party."

"Was this the party you were going to when I called you before winter break?" I asked, wiping my nose with the tissue.

"Probably, I don't remember too much about that day other than I had more to drink than ever before."

"I knew something was up when I talked to you that night. You were rude over the phone and you'd never spoken to me like that." I said, still sniffling.

"I'm sorry I was rude to you. I haven't been myself for a while now."

"Who was it? Who got you pregnant?"

"When we got to the party it was packed and everyone ended up getting separated. I kept drinking. I didn't know anyone and I really didn't care what was happening around me. I just needed a break from reality after the semester ended. While I was waiting to get a beer a guy came up and offered to get me one. I finished that beer and started on another two or three. I was really woozy by then and just needed a place to lie down. He carried me upstairs to his room and laid me down on his bed. He locked the door and then came back over and started kissing me and unbuttoning my shirt. I was so drunk by that point that I just kind of laid there. He wasn't mean or aggressive but I knew he wanted sex. I obliged as long as he used a condom because I could barely move. He said he would use a condom." CeCe looked down at the ground again.

"Oh CeCe," I asked feeling her pain resonate in my heart. "He took advantage of you—he shouldn't have done that—and any decent man knows that. What happened next?"

"I don't remember anything else. I don't remember how I got back to the sorority house. One of my sisters told me, the next morning, that she found me lying on a bed upstairs with half of my clothes off. She managed to get me dressed and found someone to help give us a ride home. I was so ashamed that I didn't tell you about it—that's why I avoided calling you the day I got home from school."

"I'm far from perfect CeCe. You know that. I've made plenty of mistakes—but that creep took advantage of you. A decent man doesn't do that. Did you tell the police about it?"

"I was so drunk that night, it was my fault too." CeCe stammered.

"It doesn't matter how drunk you were—it doesn't give anyone the right to take advantage of you. He was wrong to do what he did and he knows it. Did you talk to him after that?" I felt so much anger towards this coward for what he did to my best friend.

"For about three minutes. I went back to the Frat house after I found out I was pregnant. I went to tell him to see what he thought."

"And?"

"When I opened his bedroom door unexpectedly—he was making out with some girl in his bed before he started yelling at me. I threw the door open and went over to the bed and grabbed the girl by her hair and started to pull her out of his bed."

"You did what?" I started to laugh, from nervous energy, but controlled myself.

"I pulled the girl out of the bed and told her he was my boyfriend. He started yelling I was crazy and she started yelling at him before she stormed out of the room. I was so angry at myself for letting him sleep with me. In the daylight without the alcohol I could tell that he was use to jumping from girl-to-girl."

"Did you tell him?"

"Yeah, I told him I was pregnant with his baby. He said he wasn't going to be anyone's dad and told me that I needed to get an abortion. He threw $300 at me and told me to get out of his bedroom and never come back."

"Oh my gosh, CeCe; what a creep!"

"I was humiliated. I didn't expect a proposal but I also didn't anticipate him treating me like a hooker. I was crushed and so conflicted. I've never believed in abortion. I still feel it's not right but I was alone and scared. I knew I couldn't tell my parents. I didn't think I could tell you or anyone else. I was afraid of what would happen if people found out I was pregnant—I was afraid of my parents disowning me. I knew it was the wrong decision but I went anyway hoping to make this whole nightmare go away."

"I'm sorry that you didn't feel you could tell me."

"I wish I would have. I was afraid to tell you because I knew you'd persuade me to have the baby—which I really wanted but I was afraid of what my parents would think or do." She said, looking over at Lucy sleeping soundly.

"Did it make your problem go away?"

"It ended the pregnancy which I thought would help me put that part of my life behind. When I went to the clinic, I felt sick and wanted to turn back but I was frozen in fear. I cried the whole time knowing I was making the biggest mistake of my life. Afterwards, I was just numb. The only emotion I felt was sadness. The abortion hid my little secret but it left a black hole in my life. I couldn't bear to watch Lucy and wonder about my child. I don't expect you to understand and I'm not looking for your sympathy. I just don't want to feel this way anymore and I really need a friend."

"Ugh. This whole time I've been mad at you. I felt abandoned all over again when you didn't return my calls or respond to my letters." I said with my head between my arms resting over my lap.

"I just couldn't face you. I would've stayed away longer if I hadn't heard your voicemail this morning about Lucy. I love you and I love Lucy so much that I couldn't stay away despite everything else. I know you needed me—I just wasn't ready to tell you yet. I didn't want to disappoint you like I disappoint my parents. You're my best friend and I don't want to lose you or Lucy. I've already lost too much and I can't afford to lose either of you."

"I love you CeCe and I will always love you no matter what happens. I've missed you so much and I'm so sorry you're hurting. I'm sorry that you were right—I can be judgmental and I'm very sorry. I hate that this happened—all of it and that you didn't have a friend to be there for you." I said, wrapping my arms around CeCe.

"I really need you Char. I don't know how to get through this. It's eating me up inside." CeCe cried as she squeezed me tightly.

"You will make it through sweetie. We'll make it through together."

"Please don't tell anyone. I don't want anyone to know."

"I won't, I promise."

I held CeCe for the next hour until we both stopped crying. She and I moved the recliner over by Lucy's bed and curled up together, waiting for her to wake up. My heart broke for CeCe that night. I didn't agree with her decision but I could feel the pain that she carried with her. She had changed from the confident, not-a-care-in-the-world CeCe to a frightened, broken, and lost young woman. Scared to move forward and stuck in her torment, there was little left than just a shell of the life that once was there. As painful as it was for her and I, I was silently happy to be in the embrace of my best friend again. I prayed for healing over her heart and life and that she'd be able to find true peace and happiness again.

"Do you think things will ever be like they were?" CeCe asked softly.

"No, but I think things can get better than they are now." I said with my head leaning against hers.

"I hope so. I can't live this way but I know that I don't deserve happiness." She said quietly in the dark room.

"CeCe—you made a mistake and I can't even assume to know what it's like to be in your skin right now. I do remember feeling like things would never get better when everyone found out about my pregnancy. I remember worrying that I would end up a loser or that people thought I was a slut, especially when there was no guy standing by to help with Lucy. I also remember thinking that I wasn't going to have any kind of a good future. But you know what—Father John told me something very profound. He told me that just because we make a mistake—doesn't make _us_ a mistake. God didn't screw up when he made you. He even knew we'd make mistakes yet he'll always love us and forgive us. I know it's hard to imagine but CeCe, he can turn your hurt into something that could help someone else one day. There is nothing you can do that would ever stop God from loving you Ce." I said, starting to cry again. "And of course, I'll always love you."

"I don't know. I don't think I can forgive myself. I just don't know. I would do anything to turn back time." CeCe sobbed softly.

"I know CeCe. If you want, when you're ready, I'll go to confessional with you. It helped me to know that God still loved me when I felt like I screwed up everything."

"I would like that when I'm ready."

A small cry rose up from the crib.

"Lucy? Honey, it's mommy, I'm right here love." I leaned over into the crib as Lucy started panicking with the tube down her throat.

"Lucy." CeCe whispered.

"Can you go get a nurse please? I don't want her to pull out her tubing. She needs it to breath." I asked quickly.

"Sure, I'll be right back." CeCe took off towards the nurse's station.

Two hours later the doctor ordered that Lucy could have the tube removed. She was breathing on her own. Her blood oxygen level was ninety-eight percent, a huge improvement. I called my mother around six AM to tell her the good news. CeCe stayed the rest of the time with me and Lucy in the hospital room until she was discharged home, with medications and a nebulizer. The color had completely returned to her face and she was able to start on a liquid diet. The doctor warned that her throat would be sore, from the tube, for a few days. He said that chocolate milkshakes would be okay for her until the soreness went away and Lucy seemed to agree. CeCe watched from the sidelines, helping with whatever I asked of her to get Lucy back home again.

As we left the hospital to go home, CeCe turned towards me.

"Were you serious about going with me to confessional?" She asked.

"Of course I was—whatever you need."

"Would you go with me tomorrow morning?"

"Absolutely," I said grabbing her hand and squeezing it.

"Thank you," she whispered, "for not hating me."

"I could never hate you. I'll always love you CeCe. You're the sister I never had." I smiled back.

"Good, because I couldn't live without you."

I hugged her tightly before we got in our own vehicles to head towards our homes. From her car she smiled and waved. I smiled back and gave her a royal Queen wave. The next day, as promised, I picked her up and took her to confessional for a fresh start. I stayed in the car parked outside the church while she spent over two hours in confession, with Father John. She later told me that although it didn't solve her problems, it was the first time she had felt any sense of peace since the abortion.

Father John encouraged CeCe to talk with her parents so she could let the rest of her fears go. For several days she contemplated whether or not she would tell them. Not having to tell them was part of the reason she tried to keep her pregnancy a secret for fear of disappointing them. She also worried that her parents would shun her away if they knew. Father John said he'd go with to tell her parents for moral support. It was in late June that CeCe finally told her parents, with Father John beside her. She said that after sharing the story, her mother was angry and stormed out of the room for the next half hour. Her father was speechless before he broke down in tears. This was the first time she'd ever seen him cry. Her father then left the room shortly. Later, she learned it was for him to regain his composure. CeCe looked to Father John for comfort in what she feared worst—losing any kind of relationship with her parents. A few minutes later her father returned and hugged CeCe tightly. She hadn't seen this much emotion from him ever. He had a mixture of emotions—anger, frustration, guilt, but mostly sadness that his one and only child had been through so much, all alone. He was hurt that she worried about losing their love. Finally, Bev came back in the room. CeCe said she could tell her mother had been crying too—as her always perfect eye make-up was smeared and her eyes red. Bev was still angry and felt partly to blame. Although, CeCe and her mother had never been close, Bev just wanted for her only child to be happy. She thought if she just pushed her to be the best at everything, CeCe would be happy with all of her own accomplishments. She knew CeCe was tough like her but never thought anything like this could happen to her daughter. Bev was angry with herself that she and CeCe didn't have a motherly bond safe enough that her daughter could go to her in her greatest time of need. Bev had not held a close relationship with her own mother and found refuge only in her personal successes. No one had taught her how to be a mother, let alone a good one. She thought that providing the finer things in life would help to fill other voids she didn't know how to fill. Bev had never talked about her shortcomings or emotions with CeCe or her husband. This time, Bev did something that surprised CeCe. She apologized. She shared how she regretted not being the mother CeCe needed most and confessed that despite this hurt CeCe had done so many things right in her life that she was proud of her for. She last apologized for not telling her more often that she loved her. Before now, her parent's love was mostly an unspoken notion. Hearing that they loved her meant everything. Despite the tenacious confidence CeCe embodied—a part of her was still the little girl that needed to be loved, cherished, and wanted by her parents.

CeCe knew things would not be perfect but she was hopeful that things could get better and not worse from here forward. She started counseling to help grieve her loss and come to terms with herself. On several occasions, Bev joined her to improve their relationship and communication skills. CeCe decided not to go back to Athens in the fall as it only brought back painful reminders of a life she was ready to leave behind. She had two semesters left until she graduated with a Bachelor's degree in political science with a minor in psychology. She confided to her parents that her passion had never been law and pursued the field only to please them. Understandably disappointed in her confession, they allowed her the freedom to choose a career that she could be passionate about with one condition—that it would financially support her. With that permission, CeCe decided to do an abroad study though the university. Over the next two semesters, CeCe would return to Paris where she felt at peace and reveled in the beauty all around her. She agreed to finish the handful of classes to complete her degrees and would volunteer in various areas until she felt a calling. I, of course, did not want to see her leave but knew she needed a new beginning.

That summer, Eric and I kept our relationship a secret to avoid hurting CeCe further. I hung out with him when CeCe was out of town, bonding with her mother for the first time in her life. A part of CeCe's wildness had tempered itself and she was much more reserved, especially around guys, except for Richie. When Eric, Richie, CeCe, and I hung out that summer she existed with a subdued composure. I wondered if she could see any signs that might hint to something between Eric and I. CeCe had been through so much, I wanted to shield her from any other potential upsets for as long as possible.

My parents threw an end of the summer barbecue for CeCe's farewell to Paris. Richie and the rest of my brothers bought half a store of fireworks. Most of our family brought a dish to pass. My mother invited Bev and James to come share CeCe's party. They had only been to our house, for more than only a few minutes once, the day we left for school, in the thirteen years I'd known CeCe. Upon arriving, Bev seemed a bit out of her element as she handed my mother a lemon soufflé that she [actually] made. She then thanked her for being such a good person to her daughter. My mother handed me the soufflé to put on the food table and then reached out to hug Bev, for what seemed like an uncomfortable few minutes for Bev. After she finished hugging her, my mother grabbed her hand and said something I couldn't hear from where I stood. I knew it was something from the heart as I saw Bev's eyes mist up. Like her daughter, Bev just needed a friend—someone who would tell her what she did right instead of focusing on what she did wrong. My mother knew how to love people, all kinds of people, in ways most people never achieved in a lifetime. Bev was trying the best she knew how to be the woman that her daughter would be proud to call her mother.

That evening CeCe and I shared a blanket under the fireworks while Lucy found herself comfortable on Bev and James's laps. I loved, loved, loved CeCe and knew again I would feel her absence while she was in Paris, though I recognized it was for her best. She needed the opportunity to find herself and discover what made her passionate. I snuggled in close and enjoyed the beautiful sparks of color bursting through the late summer sky, with my best friend.

Chapter 19: La Bonne Vie

CeCe had settled into Paris leaving just before Labor Day to start her fourth and final year of undergraduate school. She found a nice Christian family to live with that helped make her feel comfortable and safe. The mother of the home was a volunteer coordinator for various social service agencies. CeCe was able to try out several volunteer placements while she worked on her French and took classes at the university there. She sent me at least one postcard a week. In return, I sent her my weekly column from the newspaper along with a freshly colored masterpiece from Lucy. I could hear pieces of the CeCe I knew and loved written in her postcards—telling of the adventures she'd been on and exploring her life's purpose. On one particular postcard, she shared how she had started volunteering at a girl's home. She met girls that had been abused, some on drugs, and some that had gotten pregnant and left to fend for themselves before they even reached their fifteenth birthday. Every postcard after that included stories about one of her experiences at the girl's home. I could hear something rising up in her. It was passion and a determination to give hope to these girls who had never known the definition of love. These young girls had been rejected, abandoned, and their future's cursed from attaining the good life. CeCe knew what it was to feel alone and hopeless. She could identify with them and knew how it felt to feel like a mistake and a failure. CeCe had finally found what made her truly happy—a high that no drug contained—bringing life and hope into the cold, dark world these girls survived in. In the midst of giving all she had to offer, CeCe found the peace she needed to forgive herself and turn her pain into someone else's freedom. She attended church and began a friendship with God she had strayed away from earlier in life for feeling she was a letdown to Him. She learned to laugh again, and love the person she was and the one she was becoming. She began to respect herself in a way that upheld her dignity and made her even more beautiful than she already was. She was finding security, in her identity, for the first time and didn't have to hide behind her skills, charm, or wit. I enjoyed getting her postcards; I was happy that she was finding happiness again.

In the meantime, I stayed busy working towards my Bachelor's for journalism while working part-time at the newspaper. My columns were successful and I was promoted to writing half-page articles for the newspaper. I picked up my book, again, and made several revisions to tell the true story of two southern belles who would forever be best friends despite the good and the bad. I had only three chapters to go until it was complete.

At Christmas time, CeCe surprised me and came home for two weeks. I was so excited to wrap my arms around her. She brought Lucy a Parisian doll with matching dress for her to wear. She brought me a pair of beautiful hand-made silver and sapphire earrings. It was after I saw that CeCe was in the best place of life that I told her about Eric and me. She was quiet at first and said very little. She listened mostly and after a few moments, smiled warmly and said she was happy for me. She said that she was glad I was happy and deserved a good guy in my life. I thanked her and apologized for not telling her earlier—that I didn't want to upset her. I told her that we were just friends for the longest time and held off from being anything other than just friends but eventually grew closer as we spent more time together. On Christmas Eve, CeCe and her parents gathered with my whole family, Eric and I on the farm. For Christmas, Eric had gotten me my first cell phone. I was so excited. I felt bad for only getting him a pair of sterling-silver cufflinks shaped like a treble clef. He said he really liked the cufflinks and was happy I liked the cell phone. After celebrating at our home, we all went to mass and afterwards Richie, CeCe, Eric and I went to Tru Rox for late night munchies. Eric and I kept our usual hand-holding and flirting to a minimal in front of CeCe, out of respect. She shared some funny stories, at the diner, about her accidently ordering Tete de Veau at an upscale restaurant one day. It wasn't until after she took a few bites that her waiter asked her how she liked the veal brains. She thought she had ordered steak. She recalled running to the bathroom to vomit up as much as she could. Since that day, she has become a staunch vegetarian, she laughed as she told us the story. She told Eric and Richie about the girl's home that she'd been volunteering at and stole all of our attentions with the stories of heartbreak and healing. She was fervent about what she was doing and planned on coming back to the states after she finished up school to work at a girl's home. Her dream was to, one day open a home for girls that would provide support and care for girls who'd been abused, raped, pregnant, and girls with eating disorders and depression. She also wanted to offer hope and counseling for women who'd felt an unbearable loss after having an abortion. She was captivating when she spoke. Anyone who heard her talk about her dream couldn't help but be pulled into her visions of greatness. Her zeal was magnetic and she was absolutely beautiful. I knew she would do great things and achieve her dream. I was so proud of her and moved by her charisma that she inspired me to finish the last three chapters of my book.

Before CeCe left for her last semester in France, I gave her a copy of my book to take with and read on the plane. Although, I hated to see her leave, I knew I would see her in five months and this time she'd be here to stay. I drove to the airport with Lucy, CeCe and her parents to see her off. I hugged her and told her how proud I was to be her best friend and that I loved her. I stood hand-in-hand with Lucy and waved goodbye to CeCe as she walked down the corridor to board the plane. From the floor-to-ceiling windows, we watched her plane pull away and take off. I reached for Bev's hand as her plane soared high. I could see tears running down from beneath her sunglasses. She hugged me briefly and bent down to take Lucy's hand and head towards the parking lot. Bev and James had gotten closer to Lucy almost as if they were filling a space that could have been a what-if. Lucy had taken to them and it made my heart happy to see them enjoy her presence. I followed slowly behind as I took one more look at CeCe's almost non-existent dot in the sky. Streams of white clouds were all I could see before I turned back around to catch up with them.

Around five AM one early February morning, I awoke to a phone call from CeCe. I had been in a deep sleep snuggling with Lucy when my cell phone rang. I grabbed it after about the fourth ring. CeCe's voice was squeaky and she was talking so fast.

"Char I met the most incredible man today. I'm so sorry it's early and I probably woke you up but I just had to call you. I'm so excited. He's so sweet and wonderful and funny and kind and Ahhh...awesome."

"That's great CeCe." I moaned with my eyes still closed half asleep.

"Okay, I won't keep you on the phone but I just had to tell you. I think I'm in love."

"What?" I opened my eyes.

"I know it's crazy but I can't help it."

My mind flashed back to Skylar and I remembered feeling that way about him after only a few hours. A pang of tightness sat on my chest. "It's not crazy Ce. I've been there before—I'm happy for you."

"Thanks, I'm happy for me too." She giggled elatedly.

"Is he a cute Frenchmen?" I asked, barely waking up.

"No, he's American but that's okay. He could take on a Frenchmen any day."

"What's his name?"

"Christian but he usually goes by Chris."

"That's a nice name." I said, looking at the ceiling.

"It is—isn't it? Christian and CeCe sound good, doesn't it?" She said in a perky voice.

I smiled at her enthusiasm at five AM in the morning. "CeCe it sounds great."

"Okay, I know you were sleeping so I'm getting off the phone with you. I love you and I'm so happy!"

"I love you and I'm so happy you're so happy CeCe. I'll talk to later."

"Bye Char. Kiss Lucy for me."

"Bye Ce, I will kiss her for you. Love you." I said before hanging up the phone.

Almost awake, I laid there for a few minutes, smiling, thinking about Char's excitement. She had never been in love. She had obsessions and infatuations but I hadn't heard her mention the _love_ word before. I thought about Eric for a few moments. He was good to me and Lucy and great in every way possible. I tried to imagine him and I married. For some reason, either my lack of alertness or my happiness for CeCe made it difficult to picture Eric and I betrothed to each other. My mind drifted back to Skylar. I could barely see his face but I remember us running around a large beach house, chasing babies and dogs in our visions. I giggled thinking how true some of that daydreaming turned out to be—chasing Lucy all around the farm. I looked over at her sleeping peacefully curled into my side. She was amazing. I loved Lucy—every part of her. I thought I loved Skylar until I never saw him again. But for some reason as much as I tried to replicate the feelings I had for Skylar with Eric, it wasn't the same. I loved spending time with Eric but was it love? It was easy being around him because he made me feel special and made life fun. My mother said that love does not always feel like butterflies and that it's a choice—that true love takes work and dedication. Was Eric a choice? I could choose him easily but once in my life I had butterflies. I still wanted butterflies although if Eric was work—I had a good job. I laid in bed staring at the ceiling thinking about Eric, Skylar, and CeCe and wondered if Eric was who I was meant to be with. We were the greatest of friends.

In March, after the final edits to my book were made, I sat down with my boss at the newspaper. I gave him a copy of my book and gave him a short [hour-long] synopsis of my book pouring my heart into every detail I shared. He flipped through several pages and sat it down on his desk.

"So, what do you think?"

"What do you want me to do with it? We publish small-town newspapers not novels here, Char." He said curtly.

"Sir, I know what we do here. But I've read your books and I know you're a writer at heart. I'm a writer at heart. This is my story and I just need someone to help me get it out there. You're that person for me—you can help me get it out there." I pleaded with him smiling, with nervous energy at times, exposing my mile-deep dimples.

"Why would I do that?" He looked at me from below his thick bushy eyebrows.

"Because I know you know a good story when you see one. I'm that story. I just need someone to believe in me."

"I can't make any promises. I'll read it when I get some time and tell you what you need to revise." He said shooing me away with his hands. "Get back to work now; we've got deadlines around here."

"Oh thank you. Okay, I'm going back to work. Thank you again." I said as I ducked out of the office, smiling.

I peeked around the corner a moment later. I caught him reading my manuscript. I stayed fixed on his facial expressions for a minute or two before he looked right up at me.

"Oh sorry, I just wanted to say thank you again." I smiled and waved before I dashed out of his sight embarrassed and ecstatic that he was reading my book.

Two weeks later, I found my manuscript in a manila folder on my desk. I quickly opened it up and flipped through each page cautiously. There was nothing. On the very last page of the very last sentence stood a period placed there by red ink. Below it read 'not bad kid'.

"Not bad? What does that mean? Not bad but not so good either?" I rushed at my boss—frustrated at his one red spot and three word response to my 300-page blood, sweat and tears.

"It means I passed it on to some friends at a small publishing company. You'll probably make only a few dollars but you'll have published a book at the ripe old age of twenty-one? Twenty-two?" He asked.

"It's getting published?"

"I didn't say that. They have to read it and see if they like your story." He said with a flat affect.

"Oh my goodness—I could be a published writer?" I screamed, running over to him kissing his cheek spontaneously.

"Oh wow, Oh, calm down there young lady. There will be none of that here." He said pulling away.

"I'm sorry I'm just so happy. This book is a part of me—it's like another child." I said ecstatically. "Thank you for passing that along. I know you didn't have to—so thank you."

"Do you work around here—I mean other than on your book?"

"Yes, sorry. I'm going now. Thank you again."

I ran out of his office and did a happy dance around the corner before I felt someone watching me.

"Hmm." I heard him clear his throat.

"Working, I'm going now." I smiled and continued on to my desk before turning around to catch a glimpse of him smiling.

That night I got home and told my parents. I told Eric and called CeCe. I told her that it was; hopefully, only a matter of time before my first book was published. I asked all of them to pray that someone would see the heart I put into the book. CeCe encouraged me. She said that my book was destined to be a number -one best seller with the New York Times. I giggled at her comment and daydreamed about the possibility of that. I continued working at the newspaper while working on my journalism degree. I welcomed CeCe's postcards and stories. She was madly in love and having the best time of her life. It was only a year ago that her life had been in shambles. A lot had happened over the past year and we were all blossoming into the lives we had dreamt about as kids.

I waited patiently for weeks after my boss submitted the manuscript. I hadn't heard anything. I bothered him about once a week but he hadn't heard anything either. I began worrying about the manuscript being rejected or sold or anything that would cause it to fail. The longer it took, the more I began to doubt myself. Eric continued to encourage me but it was hard to comfort my heart which had birthed this story out of love and patience. It had taken several years to finish the book. I couldn't wait any longer. Every time I heard the phone rang, I ran to it hoping it was the publishing company.

On May 1, 1999 at about 4:30 PM, I received a call from a Mrs. Kisielewski from Chance Publishing. She said she had received my book amongst a stack of many others. She loved my book, with one exception—it needed a new ending. All but the last three chapters could stay. It needed to leave the reader wanting more at the end. We talked briefly and she said that if I could rework those chapters and get it back to her within four weeks, I may get it published. A few days later, I received the manuscript back with several remarks and positive feedback. I thought about the ending. My book portrayed two strong women, who stuck by each other through life's challenges and joys with great characters peppered throughout. The ending left off with the two best friends finding happiness. My character ended up with a great guy that should probably have ended up with the best friend. I thought about Eric and CeCe. CeCe had found true love and it wasn't Eric. I, on the other hand, had found a great friend but it wasn't the love I wrote about when I spoke of Skylar's character. I pondered this for many days, trying to figure out how I could rewrite the ending to allow the reader to feel like a part of their world.

A week after the phone call with Mrs. Kisielewski, CeCe called. I could tell something was up. She had been on top of the world for several months now. She could barely contain herself.

"Char, are you sitting down?"

"No, are you okay?"

"I'm fine—super fine actually."

"Good CeCe. What's going on?"

"Okay, are you ready?"

"Yes CeCe, tell me already."

"Are you sure?" She asked giggling.

"Yes—go ahead before I fall asleep."

"So, you know how I'm in love with the most incredible person in the world?"

"Yes, you tell me every time we talk."

"Well I'm going to be a Mrs. soon—Christian asked me to marry him!"

"Oh my goodness! Really?"

"Yes, I'm so excited. I had to call my parents first and tell them before I called you. But you were next. It's so cute too—he actually called my parents to ask for their permission."

"You haven't known him that long—are you sure you're ready for this?" I asked skeptically, not even having met him myself.

"Yes, I'm sure. When you know—you know." She quipped.

"Please don't get offended but you're not pregnant are you?" I asked cautiously.

"Okay, I would usually take offense to that but because I'm so stinking happy I'll just ignore you said that. No—I'm not pregnant. Besides it's not possible. We haven't had sex. We want to do it right—with my past and his strong conviction not to take something from me until it's his rightfully."

"Wow." I said. "I'm sorry and I am very happy for you. When's the big date?"

"So, I know it's kind of crazy but we don't want to wait—well mostly I don't want to wait. I want to attack his body and he won't let me until our wedding night. Also, you know how I've always wanted to get married at the Greyfield Inn on Cumberland Island—they only have one opening all summer and it's in three weeks. So my mother is booking it today and is sending out last minute invites tomorrow. I don't really care who comes as long as you're there."

"Three weeks—are you sure you're not rushing this?" I asked, surprised by the engagement and a shotgun wedding.

"Yes, we're rushing it but it's okay. Really, it's okay, I'm happy."

"Just tell me what you need me to do and I'll do it." I said trying to support my best friend who was having a break in sanity.

"I'm sending you a checklist—my mother will call you to get together soon. I won't be able to come back until about three days before the wedding because I have graduation over here and my parents are flying over for a few days and then flying back with me."

"You won't be here until 3 days before your wedding? Do you even have a wedding dress? What am I wearing?"

"No worries, I'm picking out my dress here and I will be bringing back my bridesmaids dresses too."

"Oh, okay."

"You don't need to worry dear. My mother is hiring a wedding planner today and she is paying her well to get everything done ahead of time. There's only a few things on my checklist—no worries."

"Okay, well I just want to see you some before you run away with Mr. Perfect—and I never see you again CeCe."

"I promise we will spend time together. I will always make time for you and Lucy."

"I know. It's just that it's so sudden. I wasn't expecting to hear that from you but I'm happy for you."

"It's only a matter of time before it happens for you too Char. Eric's great and a keeper for sure. In fact, if I weren't marrying Christian, I might try stealing him away from you." She joked.

"Hmm...you're funny CeCe. Thanks, Eric is great but I don't know if he's the one."

"What do you mean?"

"He's wonderful in every way. It's just that the few hours I did spend with Skylar, forever ago, ruined it for anyone else. I know it's ridiculous because Eric is pretty wonderful."

"Yeah, Eric is pretty wonderful. A good guy is hard to come by." CeCe said firmly.

"I know. Forget about me. I'm very happy for you and I'm happy too. It's a day to celebrate your great news!"

"Thanks, I'll see you soon. I've got to call some more people and the rest of my bridesmaids—tell Richie he's going to be a bridesman."

"Ha-ha, he'll love that. I hope you got him something pretty to wear." I giggled. "I love you and congratulations again."

"Oh wait—I forgot to tell you...I cut my hair short and it's so cute."

"You did? I bet it's beautiful, CeCe."

"I love it—it's just past my chin. I can't wait to show it to you. Okay, I love you and can't wait to see you and Lucy soon. Bye."

"Thanks, I love you too CeCe. Bye-bye." I said, before hanging up the phone.

The next few weeks flew by and I was still plotting up different endings for my book. Time was running out soon and I was busy with work and CeCe's wedding. I was out of school for the semester and that helped to free up some of my time.

CeCe called after graduation to fill me in on the ceremony. She said that she made sure to take plenty of pictures to show me when she got back tomorrow afternoon. Her parents were already home and getting ready for the wedding. She invited Lucy, Eric and I over for dinner tomorrow night at her parents to meet Christian and his parents.

I accepted the offer, despite my busy schedule, so I could see CeCe and meet the love of her life.

Chapter 20: Love, Georgia-Style

"So, don't wait up for us mom. We'll probably get back late." I said pulling on my sandals.

"I love you nana." Lucy smiled, with adorable dimples, big brown eyes and her beautiful bronzed blonde hair.

"I love you too sugar face. You give Auntie CeCe a kiss for nana, okay?"

"I will. She told mommy that she got a big present for me."

"Ooh—I wonder what it is." My mom looked at her with the famous Buchanan dimples.

"I don't know but I hope it's pink." Lucy said.

"Hey pretty girl." A voice said coming in from the front door.

"Eric!" Lucy squealed, delightfully, before she jumped up into his arms.

"Hey there," I called to Eric from the kitchen, as I put on my earrings.

"There's my other pretty girl. You look great." He said, kissing my forehead with Lucy wiggling around in his arms.

"Thank you." I said hugging him back. "Is it nice outside?"

"Yeah, it's great— but a little breezy. It's supposed to get cooler and rain tonight but there's not a cloud in the sky now.

I smiled, thinking back to the day at the beach when it poured on me, with barely a cloud in the sky. "Okay, I'm ready to go. I'm just going to grab a jacket or something." I said kissing him, lightly, before heading upstairs.

"Take your time; it's okay if we're a few minutes late." He said as I climbed the stairs.

I looked around my room to find something to go with my long, white lacey sundress with spaghetti straps. I didn't want a big jacket. As I scanned the room I saw Skylar's antiqued-looking sweater. I'd slept in it and worn it many times since the night he gave it to me. It was still comfortable and had shrunken a few sizes smaller, a few years ago, when Grandma Evi tried to do laundry using hot water.

"Mommy, let's go. I need to see Auntie!" I heard Lucy shout from the bottom of the stairs.

I grabbed his sweater and headed downstairs. "Okay, I'm ready. I love you mom." I said kissing her goodbye. "I love you too Evi." I said moving on to her next for kisses and hugs.

"Have a great time and tell CeCe we've missed her and can't wait to see her at the wedding." My mother said before we closed the door behind us.

"Do you want me to drive dear?" Eric asked as we headed down the steps.

"Sure, that would be nice. Then I can sit back and enjoy this gorgeous evening with you."

"That sounds good to me." He smiled back, taking my hand into his before giving me a quick peck on the lips as we parted to get Lucy buckled in the car.

"I can do it mommy." Lucy said firmly.

"Okay, I will watch just in case you want help."

"Okay, but I got it." She said, before snapping the lock of the car seat belt together.

"Great job Lu." Eric congratulated her with a high five.

"See mommy I can do it myself."

"You sure can. Good job baby." I said kissing her as I ensured it was fastened tightly.

"Mom—I got it!" Lucy said, shooing my hands away.

"I know. I'm just making sure it's not too tight on you love." I said, backing up from her feisty little hands.

"Good comeback." Eric whispered to me as I got into the passenger's seat beside him.

"Thanks, she's so..."

"Smart." I heard Lucy say from the backseat.

"Yes, you are so smart."

"And pretty, and funny, and sweet," Lucy said without looking up from playing with her doll.

"Yep baby. You sure are pretty, and funny, and sweet. You're a lot like your Auntie CeCe."

"I know mommy."

"I'm glad you know sweetie." I said as Eric drove towards CeCe's parents.

"So, I'll forgive you if you abandon me tonight." Eric said, reaching over to hold my hand.

"What?"

"I know you're going to be completely absorbed with CeCe. And it's okay—because I know you haven't seen her in five months and she's your best friend."

"Oh, okay. I didn't know what you meant." I said, wrinkling my nose at him with a crooked smile.

"I know; I'm a really good boyfriend." He laughed, softly squeezing my hand.

"Awe, you are so good to me."

"I can't wait to meet Prince Charming." Lucy blurted out.

"Who?" I asked.

"Prince Charming—Auntie's boyfriend."

"Oh yeah, Prince Charming," I grinned, looking at Eric.

As we pulled into the driveway, Lucy who had been to CeCe's parents many times by now was already unbuckling her seat belt.

"Lucy, don't unbuckle until we've stopped the car honey."

"Mom, I want to see Auntie." She demanded jumping out of her seat.

"Yeah, mom—I want to see Auntie." Eric mimicked Lucy.

"You hush." I joked back as I stepped around to Eric.

Lucy had already opened the door and was finding her way up to the front door.

"Char..." Eric pulled back gently on my hand as I headed towards the door.

"What?"

"Char, I just wanted to tell you that you look beautiful and I..."

"Mommy hurry!" Lucy said from the front steps.

"Okay Lucy. We'll be right there." I said feeling something wet hit my cheek distracting me momentarily. "Was that rain?" I asked, looking up, feeling another small drop of water fall on my nose.

"Mom!" Lucy shouted again.

"Okay, we're coming." I said looking at Eric. "Let me grab my sweater."

"Yeah, it's rain; let's get inside in case it decides to stick around." He said, waiting for me to pull my sweater on.

"Eric, were you going to say something?" I asked as he and I headed towards Lucy, now standing with the butler just inside the door.

"I was but it can wait." He said, ushering us in.

"Are you sure?" I asked as we were greeted with drinks and escorted to the veranda in the back.

"I'm sure." He said, kissing my cheek as we headed out the back entryway.

"You're not too bad yourself handsome." I said picking up on his compliment a few minutes earlier.

"Oh great—we get to go back outside." Eric laughed.

As we walked back outside I saw the beautifully landscaped trees covered in white lights. Full hanging ferns on the outer eaves swayed slowly in the breeze. The sunset fired up orange-lavender flames across the sky. I felt a few more drips of rain fall on my face. Lucy neared the stairs down to the lower level first, catching up to Bev before latching on to her leg. I then saw Bev and James, standing next to the backs of another couple, probably Christian's parents. Eric let go of my hand and headed over to where Lucy was to pull her off Bev's leg and shake Mr. Crawford's hand. Finally, I saw CeCe. She looked stunning standing in front of their beautifully lit-up pool which reflected the colors of the sky. She was radiant—almost glowing with her perfectly curled short, blonde hair framing her sun-kissed skin. She was smiling and looking down. As I descended the marbled steps my eyes followed CeCe's gaze. I saw the back of Lucy's _Prince Charming._ He was on bended knee with his hands folded into hers, looking up at her. The drips were now turning into regular, small pelts.

"Hi Charlotte." Bev called over to me first, smiling enthusiastically.

CeCe looked up and screamed, "Char".

"We were just listening to Christian re-enact his proposal since none of us were there." Bev said as Lucy jumped into her arms.

"Charlotte Renee Buchanan what took you so long?" CeCe shrieked as she sprinted over to me, leaving Christian still on his knees.

"CeCe!" I said, throwing my arms open to catch her embrace.

She knocked me just about over as she made contact. "I've missed you so much Char!"

"Ladies and gentlemen, I think we need to get inside before it pours down." Bev said ushering everyone towards the house as a crackle popped overhead, showering down rain like fireworks falling from the sky.

"I'm so glad you're here. You've got to meet Christian!" CeCe said, still hugging me like a wrestler with his opponent in a headlock.

With rain beating down like nails dropping from the sky, I saw Christian stand and look up as he ran his hands through his brown, wet hair. I watched as he turned around to head towards the house. Like one of the statues on the lawn, he was motionless. As my eyes met his, I became paralyzed. His chiseled cheek bones still perfect, were unhinged as he stood there with the rain streaming down his face. I had to be imagining this.

"Girls, get in here." Bev called from the door with towels.

"Okay." CeCe yelled back through the rain. "Honey, this is my best friend I've told you about for the last four months." CeCe shouted as she turned towards Skylar.

Christian was Skylar. I couldn't move; my feet felt like they were cemented to the ground. I felt my breath leave my body. CeCe pulled my hand with her as she turned towards the house. Spun around quickly with CeCe's spontaneous sprint towards the house, I peered back to see Skylar standing still, watching at me. His subdued expression drove waves of chills up my body. I thought about this moment every day since the first day I met him. I never thought it would happen, though, I dreamed it would—just not in these circumstances.

"Girls what were you doing out there so long. I know you've missed each other but neither of you need to catch a cold before CeCe's big day." Bev said, handing us towels.

"Christian, honey, here's a towel." CeCe said, handing him a towel. "Where are my manners?" CeCe joked. "Christian, this is Eric, Char's boyfriend."

I draped the towel around me as I still felt chills running up my neck.

"It's nice to meet you." Eric said extending his hand out to shake Skylar's briefly.

"Hey, let's get you warmed up sweetie." Eric hugged me and began rubbing my back. I caught both CeCe and Skylar watching us. CeCe's eyes were fixed on Eric as I turned my gaze back to Skylar. Skylar locked eyes on me while he dried his hair.

"Wow, you got soaked." A woman with bronzed blonde hair in her early fifties said as she walked over to Skylar.

"Char, this is my soon-to-be mother-in-law, Christine La Fleur. Over there is my soon-to-be father-in-law, Sidney." CeCe pointed towards the sitting room.

"Hi, it's nice to meet you." I gathered up the strength to say.

Her face was warm and gentle and she reached out to hug me despite the pool of water I had created all around me.

"It's so nice to meet you. We just love CeCe." She said with a light southern accent.

"Auntie Ce, do I get my present now?" Lucy asked as she stormed the back entryway.

"Lucy? That's rude to ask." I said bending down to her height. "Use your good manners Lu." I instructed.

"Oh it's okay Charlotte." Bev took Lucy by the hand. "Somebody has a birthday coming up."

"I have a birthday coming up." Lucy jumped excitedly.

"You do? Maybe you'll like this present I got for somebody who's turning three."

"It's for me." Lucy smiled with her dimples darting out on both sides.

"She's really cute." Christine smiled.

"Thank you." I said, feeling an irony within my reply.

"Her name's Lucy?" Skylar spoke for the first time.

"Ahhh," I paused, "Yeah. Her name is Lucy Grace."

I saw his eyes follow her and Bev into the other room before he looked at me again. I hadn't eaten much today and with this disbelief I was suddenly feeling very weak.

"Hey guys let's come in the dining area. I think dinners ready to be served." CeCe announced happily.

She came over to me and locked her arm with mine. "You don't mind if I steal her just for tonight—do you Eric?" She smiled at him.

"Of course not CeCe; I expected it." He smiled back warmly.

"Thanks." She smiled back. "I didn't know you still had this sweater." CeCe said, pinching a small piece of the material. "I would have thought you'd thrown that away by now." CeCe said, looking back at Eric.

"Oh my goodness!" I was wearing Skylar's sweater. "Yeah, I was trying to hurry and just grabbed it quickly." I said trying to mask my embarrassment. I did not want to clue Eric into whose sweater I was wearing or remind Skylar that it was his.

"Must be an old boyfriend's sweater?" Skylar grinned.

"Nope." I said, pursing my lips slightly together.

"Nah—just some guy that meant something to her once. But she's got a better guy now." CeCe said, smiling at Eric.

I was crushed. My best friend was in love with my Skylar. And apparently, he was in love with her enough to be marrying her the day after tomorrow. This was not the Prince Charming I envisioned for CeCe. With every word, I felt a strange mixture of illness and anger brewing inside me. Not that anyone other than Skylar or I knew that he was the owner of that sweater. I wasn't sure how I was going to get through this night let alone the next two days or for that matter—the rest of my life watching CeCe be affectionate with my Skylar. How in the world, the whole wide world, did CeCe find Skylar? The one guy I ever truly loved and the father of my child. How could this be happening to me? CeCe was floating amongst the clouds while I was barely hanging on to the life raft. I prayed to see Skylar again but this was not part of my prayer—this was not right. It was not fair. But how could I say anything to my best friend who was the happiest she'd ever been? And how could I deny myself the future I rightfully deserved?

"Okay, I have you and Eric sitting over here. Lucy's going to sit by Bev and James on the end and Christian and I will sit across from you so we can catch up." CeCe instructed.

"Mommy, look what Gigi Bev got me." Lucy waved a French-looking Barbie doll in my face.

"Wow, that's really nice Lucy. Did you say thank you?"

"Of course! Isn't it pretty—it's my first Barbie doll." She said dancing the doll around on Eric's knee.

"That's cool." Eric said, dancing the doll back and forth causing Lucy to let her giggles slip out.

"Dinner is served." Bev announced as several wait staff arrived with platters of food.

"Thank you." Christine said sweetly to the wait staff and to Bev for her excellent hostess skills.

Skylar's dad, Sidney, was talking with James about the stock market while Bev and Christine were busy talking about the wedding. CeCe was surprisingly talkative with Eric and seemingly very comfortable. Lucy was transfixed on her newest doll—and already taking the clothes off to dress her in another outfit. As I sat cutting up Lucy's food, randomly, I caught Skylar eyeing me and observing Lucy. He was quiet talking very little unless prompted by CeCe. She was busy talking about how they met while she was volunteering for the girl's home that gave her peace and purpose. It was one of the organizations that Skylar's family helped to support. He had finished school and became involved in gathering financial support from donors all around the world for various non-profit organizations. He sought out contributions, managed their distribution and reported on the financial administration of these funds to the numerous agencies they helped support. Every once in a while when she wasn't talking a million miles an hour, CeCe looked at me with a big smile. I smiled back when I didn't feel like throwing up. I was still in shock. I decided to get some fresh air for a moment to catch my breath or call Richie—the only person that I could possibly tell my trauma to.

"Oh I forgot to mention that Char is an inspiring writer and just finished her first book." CeCe said proudly to Skylar.

"Really?" Skylar looked up.

"Well, yeah. I actually just got my first book deal. CeCe—I haven't even had a chance to tell you that they are going to publish my book."

"Wow, that's wonderful! I know it will be a huge success. Honey, she's an incredible writer." CeCe said, bumping Skylar's arm softly.

"Thanks Ce. I'll be right back. I have to use the restroom." I quietly interrupted CeCe and Eric's conversation.

"Are you feeling okay dear?" Eric reached for my hand.

"Yeah, my stomach's a bit upset and it's catching up to me. I'll be okay."

"Okay, I'll keep an eye on Lu." He smiled, giving my hand a gentle squeeze before letting go.

"You do look a little pale." CeCe said.

"I'll be fine." I said, grabbing my purse before I made my way to the powder room.

I stood hiding around the corner a moment to catch my breath. As I stood there, I heard Skylar say "I bet your mom and dad's going to love the flower girl dress we got you. It's pink—Auntie CeCe picked it out."

"I don't have a dad—except for God—he's my daddy my mom told me."

"That's right. He's the best daddy in the world." CeCe replied before whispering to Skylar, "We don't really talk about that. Eric is not Lucy's dad. Char only met Lucy's dad once and couldn't get a hold of him. She never heard from him again."

Feeling a small lump swell up in my throat, I walked down the long hallway towards the living room where the powder room sat adjacent. I opened the door and locked it quickly. I unlatched the window for fresh air and inhaled deeply. I stood still, collecting my thoughts, for a few moments before I pulled out my cell phone. I dialed my home number and waited for it to ring, hoping that Richie was home to help talk me through this.

"Hello?" I heard my mom pick up the phone.

"Hi mom, is Richie there?"

"Yeah, is everything alright?"

"Yeah, I just need to talk to him a minute."

"Okay, hold on while I get him."

"Thanks mom. I love you."

"I love you too dear. Hold on."

A minute later Richie picked up the phone, "Yello". He said in a silly southern accent.

"Oh good, Richie, I have a really big problem."

"Are you pregnant again?"

"No, I'm not pregnant. By the way, I'd throw my shoe at you if I were there right now. I called because I don't know what to do."

"About?"

"Are you sitting down?"

"Are you okay?"

"I guess. I feel like throwing up and passing out."

"Are you sure you're not pregnant?"

"My shoe is coming through the phone if you say that again."

"Settle down Betsy."

"Richie, this is serious."

"Okay then—what is going on?" He said with a tone of frustration.

"Christian—CeCe's fiancé." I could barely get anything else out.

"What about him?"

"Christian is Skylar—my Skylar, Lucy's dad?"

"What did you say?"

"Christian is..."

He interrupted before I could repeat myself. "I heard what you said I just can't believe what you said?"

"Richie, I don't know what to do." I said, feeling tears build up.

"Did you say anything? Does he remember you?"

"No, of course I didn't say anything. What was I supposed to say—hi, by the way, my name's really Char and this is your daughter, Lucy?"

"Yeah, I see your point but it would have made for interesting conversation the rest of the night."

"Richie, I called you for help not to entertain you."

"Where are you right now?"

"I'm standing in the bathroom, with my head pressed to the window for some fresh air because I can barely breathe! My heart hurts and I'm angry and confused. Why Richie—I mean how can this be happening to me? I'm a good person—why is the only person I've ever loved marrying my best friend? I don't get it."

"I don't know. Maybe CeCe meeting him was the only he could ever make it back to you?"

"His name's not even Skylar. He never called me and now he's engaged to my best friend. I thought there was something special but I was just someone for that night." I said wiping tears carefully away.

"Did he recognize you?"

Suddenly, I heard a light tapping at the door.

"Someone's outside of the bathroom, I have to let you go."

"Wait, Char, did he recognize you?"

"Yes, the moment I saw him we both froze."

"So awkward; I miss all the good stuff."

"I've got to let you go." I whispered to Richie. "I'll be out in just a minute." I called to the person on the other side of the door."

"Okay, you don't have to hurry." I heard Skylar say.

"Oh my goodness Richie—Skylar's standing outside the bathroom door." I whispered again.

"Then you are definitely not hanging up on me."

"Richie, I will tell you all about it later."

I opened the door and saw Skylar standing there with one side of his lips curled up. His intense blue eyes and damp hair ran goose bumps up my neck.

"Char? Char? Do not hang up on me. Char—just keep the phone on so I can listen!" Richie hollered from the cell phone before I snapped it shut.

"So, it's not really Lucy?" Skylar smiled.

"I'm not sure—who's Skylar?"

"Me. It's my middle name. It's what I went by before I got into the business world."

"Really? And the phone number which wasn't really your phone number?" I asked, feeling a little anger for his coolness.

"I gave you my number—my real number. I can explain what happened too if you let me."

"Why bother—obviously, you've moved on." I said, feeling the tears fighting to fall.

"I've never stopped thinking about you and I tried to find you so many times."

"Really—you're marrying my best friend in two days." I felt a tear slip down my cheek.

"You're still wearing my sweater." He said gently, wiping the tear off my cheek.

"It was cold."

"Cold in June...in Georgia?" He smiled.

"Do you find this funny? I've been a single mom working hard to raise my daughter all alone while the man I loved—I thought I loved abandoned me only to return engaged to my best friend."

"You loved me?" He asked leaning his head down to be closer to my eyes.

"I thought I did but I was so young." I started to say.

"Mommy, I have to go potty right now." Lucy said, running into my leg on her way to the bathroom just behind me.

"Lucy, I mean, Char—I need—we need to talk please. You've got to let me explain what happened." He pleaded holding onto my arm. "Please."

"I have to help her. I really can't talk right now."

"Please can we meet somewhere then—maybe tomorrow—or maybe after the Bachelorette party?" He asked with his eyes burning into mine.

"You know that running off with your best friend's fiancé is a major offense in the south, right?"

"We had something special and you have to know the truth." He persisted.

"Ahhh, okay; I can pick you up on the corner of Oak and Main—it's about a block away from here, midnight tomorrow."

"Thank you." He smiled as I felt my breath fade away again.

"Mommy!" Lucy insisted again.

"Okay, sweetie, I'll be right there. "I'll see you tomorrow Skylar, I mean, Christian."

"Wait, Charlotte..." Skylar paused, "is Lucy mine?" He asked reaching towards my arm once more.

I hesitated a moment not sure how to answer.

"Is she?"

I nodded yes and turned to help Lucy in the bathroom.

I helped Lucy finish up and we made our way back to the dining room with the rest of the party. Christine and Bev were now talking with CeCe about the spa day planned for all the bridesmaids and mothers of the bride and groom tomorrow. I couldn't wait to tell Richie about the spa day—he was going to love hearing about a day to get pretty with all the girls. James had planned a day of golfing for all the groomsmen and Sidney, Skylar's dad. I was feeling nauseated with all the plans. I watched CeCe interact with Skylar and kept a close eye on him as he equally observed my exchanges with Eric. And Eric was nothing more than kind and sweet during all of the evening and seemed clueless to the truth behind my facade. He reached out to hold my hand during dinner and anything that had been there before was nothing more than purely friendship now. My heart ached, watching CeCe revel in her joyous upcoming nuptials with the man my heart knew was the only one I'd ever given it to. I sat making small talk to get through the rest of the evening. Lucy was the most animated I'd seen her in a while and provided entertainment for all. Skylar watched her almost ceaselessly as she bounced around, speaking articulately for a three year old. She warmed the hearts of everyone around the dining table with her smile and humor. I glimpsed over several times to see Skylar grin at her vibrancy.

"I'm so glad to be home and that you got to meet my man." CeCe said in a funny voice, to me, just before we got ready to leave.

"I'm so glad you're home too CeCe; I've really missed you. Thank you for the dinner invitation." I smiled faintly. "Your hair is very pretty too."

"Thanks. Eric has gotten even better looking since Christmas." CeCe smiled, hitting my shoulder in a playful manner.

"Yeah he has."

"So, tomorrow we're going to meet Christine and Bev at the spa. My dad and Christian will drop me off at your house before they go to the clubhouse. You don't mind driving do you? I figured you, Richie, and I could all drive together from there." CeCe looked for my consent.

"Ahhh, sure, that's fine." I said, hoping that Richie didn't say anything to our family.

"Perfect, we'll be over at nine in the morning." She said, kissing me on the cheek.

"It was a pleasure to meet you." Skylar said, extending his hand towards Eric's.

"It was nice to meet you." Eric smiled. "CeCe you look beautiful and we're happy for you two." He continued.

"Thank you Eric."

"It was really good to finally see you. CeCe's told me so much about you." Skylar grinned as he leaned in to hug me goodbye.

I remembered how he held me in his arms so long ago. I never thought I would feel it again and after years of wondering I was not sure if I ever wanted to. But now, face-to-face unexpectedly, I wavered in my angst against him. As his arms wrapped around mine, I could feel the heat from his warm embrace fall over my body. His muscles clinched tightly around me and I felt my body go limp. I straightened up quickly in my moment of weakness and said, "it was nice to finally meet you too Christian."

"Lucy dear, are you ready to go?" Eric called.

"I'm coming. I just need more hugs first." She said as she squeezed CeCe's neck once more.

"I love you Lucy Grace." CeCe said kissing her rosy red cheeks goodbye.

"See you at nine CeCe." I said, hugging her goodbye.

"See you Char; we are going to have so much fun the next two days."

"We sure are." I smiled, feeling my heart slump down inside my chest.

"Bye guys; drive safely." Bev called from the foyer.

"Thanks Mrs. Crawford; see you tomorrow."

Eric helped Lucy out to the car, under his sweater, while the rain continued to beat down. He came back for me next and ushered me to the car, opening my door, and helping me in before running around to the other side. An image of a blurred CeCe and Skylar stood on the front porch arm-in-arm, while they waved goodbye to us. I watched from behind my rain-soaked window view. The rest of the short car ride home Eric and Lucy talked about 'Auntie CeCe and her Prince Christian' as Lucy nicknamed him. I sat quietly, listening to them banter about CeCe's wedding and Lucy's dress. I had my own conversation waging within me of what to do. No matter what happened, people that I loved, would be hurt. If I remained quiet, I knew I would grow bitter with CeCe and myself. I thought about Eric—he was so good to me. He didn't deserve to be strung along. If I had never known Skylar he would have been the most perfect choice for me. He was everything that a healthy woman and her parents would want for their daughter. Even if I never told CeCe the truth about Skylar, I couldn't continue on with Eric. I knew that I couldn't give him all of me. On the other hand, if I told CeCe, she would be hurt and angry. There was no guarantee that anyone of us would end up happy. Skylar obviously loved CeCe enough to ask her to marry him. I could end up causing strife for a lifelong marriage of doubt and mistrust between them. I wanted the best for my best friend. I just didn't want it with Skylar. The more I thought about my dilemma the more I became confused and upset. My mind wondered back to CeCe. She had kept things from me once when she thought I'd disapprove of her decision. Did she secretly know that Skylar was Christian? How many guys are named Skylar that have a home somewhere in this area? I remembered him telling me he had a home somewhere near here. How could she not have known? Of course, CeCe only listened to about half of what I ever said. She was somewhat obsessed with herself. I felt a sense of guilt with myself for the last several thoughts. CeCe was my best friend—of course she didn't know. She was happy in love and completely oblivious of her best friend's plight. She never did anything out of spite and was happy for Eric and me. That was, unless she was jealous that I started dating Eric—was that it? Did she hunt Skylar down just to bring him back and taunt me with him? My crazy mind was creating all kinds of drama. CeCe wasn't that kind of person despite my heartache and the delirium that had set in.

"Charlotte, are you okay? You've seemed a bit distant tonight." Eric said as the car rolled to a stop in my parent's driveway.

"Yeah, I'm fine." I said, trying to push away all the thoughts interrogating my mind.

"I don't know what happened but I'm pretty sure that you're just telling me you're fine so I stop asking about what's really bothering you right now."

He leaned in to kiss me. Eric was sweet and kind and everything good. I felt his lips kiss mine, gently, as I pulled back.

"I'm sorry Eric; I'm not being honest with you. I'm not fine but I don't know what I am right now."

"Do you want to tell me?"

"I've got to get Lucy to sleep. It's late." I said, turning around to see her leaning with her head to the side of the car seat.

"She fell asleep a few minutes ago." He said, looking at me. "It's okay Char; I want you to be honest with me."

"You're so good to me Eric and I don't deserve you. You deserve a woman who's going to give you everything you give—back to you." I said, feeling a heaviness building in my chest.

"What do you mean?" He probed. "Why do I feel like this conversation ends in you breaking up with me?"

I looked at him and saw the ache in his expression. I felt sick for hurting this most wonderful man. "I'm afraid so."

"Did I do something wrong?" He asked reminding me of the first day he kissed me.

"No, you've always done everything right. I'm just not the person who can give you everything that you deserve. You are a wonderful person and I'm very sorry for hurting you."

"Then if I'm such a wonderful man—what is it Charlotte? Why not me?"

With a tidal wave of tears rushing down, I looked up at him. "It's Skylar. He's back." I said, feeling the sobs caged within my ribs.

"Lucy's dad?" He asked, appearing confused.

"Yes."

"When?" He focused on me, wiping my tears with the sleeves of his shirt.

"Tonight," I sniffled.

"Before dinner?"

"No."

"What?" It took a moment of silence. "Christian?" He asked, leaning back in his seat.

"Yes. Skylar is his middle name. He began using Christian after he finished college." I said looking at Eric's broken expression.

"I don't know what to say Charlotte." He said peering through the window with the raindrops steadily beating down.

"I'm sorry Eric. I never thought I'd see him again. Especially like this."

"I guess that explains your upset stomach tonight."

I stared back speechless. Nothing I could say could help him to feel better right now. "I didn't expect this. I don't know what to do but I know I can't drag you with me while I try to figure it out."

"Do you love him?" He searched my face.

"I don't know."

"Charlotte, when you love someone—you just know. There's something that's undeniable—life-changing about that person. You know when they're the one—you just hope that they feel the same way about you."

"Eric, I'm so sorry."

"Did you ever feel that way about me? Before you saw Skylar tonight?" He asked warily.

"I came close to it. You're the most perfect guy in the world." I said, reaching for his hand.

"Just not the perfect guy for you though."

"Eric." I felt his heartbreak and hated hurting him. "I gave something to Skylar that night that I've never been able to get back. I thought I loved him. It wasn't until I never heard from him that I doubted what I felt. Tonight, on my way back from the bathroom he stopped me. He told me that he felt something special with me too and said he tried to find me many times with no luck."

"So, why is he marrying your best friend?"

"I can't deny he doesn't love her. And I don't know what's going to happen."

"So what are you going to do about it?"

"He asked me to meet him tomorrow night—he wants me to leave early from the Bachelorette party and give him a chance to explain."

"Are you going to?"

"I have to find out what happened—I need to know. This is the father of my child."

"You do need to know. But can you trust him?"

"I trusted him once. I need to know the rest of the story."

"Okay then." He said. "I just don't want you to be hurt again if it doesn't turn out the way you hope it does."

"I don't know what I'm hoping for. Honestly, I've already hurt you and I don't want to hurt CeCe and everyone else involved."

"Charlotte, the hardest choices we make in life are always going to hurt someone. One day we will all look back at the choices we made. Some of us will regret not fighting for what was right in front of us the whole time, while others will pay the price of settling for what life gives them. As much as I didn't want to hear what you said this evening, I needed to hear it from you."

"I did tell you that you were perfect, right? And very smart and really handsome, right?"

"Yes, but you can say it again. You kind of kicked the crap out of my self-esteem tonight." He smiled back.

I reached to touch his cheek and stroke it gently. "Thank you for everything; I really do mean everything."

"You're welcome. You've only got one life here and if I'm not the one you're meant to spend it with—then you should go after the one who is." He said, tenderly grabbing my hand and pressing it in to his lips.

I leaned into his chest and stayed there for the next half hour as the rain drenched the earth all around us. Eric kissed me gently once more before we left the car that evening. Like a gentlemen, true to his character, he carried Lucy in under his jacket and came back for me. I hugged him once more on the porch before I waved goodbye to him hoping I made the right decision. When I walked inside, just after 11 PM, my parents, Grandma Rose, and all of my brothers were waiting up in the living room.

"What is everyone doing up so late?" I asked, surprised by my greeting. "I said you didn't have to wait up for me."

"We want to know about Skylar." My brother Peter said.

"What? Richie, what did you say?"

"Don't be mad with him. You know you're brother—he loves you and was concerned." My mother said.

"And he can't keep a secret obviously, Richie." I said shooting him the stink eye.

"Honey, did you talk with him?" Grandma Rose asked.

"Not really. Does everyone need to hear this—don't some of you have to work early in the morning tomorrow?" I said, eyeballing my brothers who were laid back on the sofas as comfortable as toads on lily pads.

"Yeah, but this is way more interesting than getting sleep." Edward said.

"Mom, Dad, everyone does not need to hear my crazy story. Please make them go to bed."

"They're adults—we can't make them do anything just like we can't make you do everything we say." My dad said.

"Okay, well I'm going to bed. CeCe's going to be dropped off in the morning, at nine, for the bridal party spa day. Richie—that means you too so you need to get some sleep so you don't have dark circles. I do not need an entourage tomorrow, please."

"Honey, you really should talk about this to someone." My mother persisted.

"I've had the craziest night of my life and you want me to regurgitate it all back up? Really?"

"Yes!" Richie chimed in.

"Honey, you can't just let this go." Grandma Rose asserted.

"Oh my goodness—you too Grandma?" I asked as they all just sat there waiting for the lights to dim and for some popcorn. "Ughh, so the father of my baby and quite possibly the only person I ever thought I loved who disappeared four years ago came back tonight. My best friend happens to be engaged to him and she's happier than she's ever been and has no clue that Christian is my Skylar—and oh yeah, Lucy's dad. I spoke with him for two minutes in the hallway when I was coming out of the bathroom. He said he needed to talk with me and said that he tried to find me but never could. That's all I know. I don't know what happened four years ago. Goodnight."

"When are you going to talk with him?" My mother asked.

"I'm going to talk with him tomorrow night after the Bachelorette party. If we are done with the questions, I'm going to bed."

"Don't be frustrated with us honey we just care about you. This is Lucy's dad and she deserves a right to know him whether or not we are happy with him." My mother said.

"That's if he gets passed my shotgun first." My father piped up.

"Are you kidding me dad?" I said, shaking my head.

"Nope." My brothers laughed as my dad responded.

"Thank you for loving me so much—all of you—but right now I just need some sleep. I've got to sort this out myself and I have no idea what I'm going to do." I said before trudging up the stairs.

I slumped down just inside my doorway to hear the mumblings of my family talk about my predicament. Lucy was tucked into her toddler bed beside mine, fast asleep. I sat and listened for the next half hour or so before dosing asleep on the floor.

Chapter 21: Oak & Main

"Honey, wake up. It's eight o'clock in the morning. You fell asleep on the floor." I heard my mother's voice. "I brought you some coffee." She said bending down.

"Thanks mom." I said peeking one eye open with my mouth open and lying in a puddle of drool.

"I won't tell anyone about the slobber but you should probably get yourself cleaned up before CeCe gets here. Also, I made breakfast and you should probably eat something—today might be more difficult than you've prepared yourself for."

"Do I have to get up? I just want to go to bed and wake up with everything like it was."

"That would be nice if that could happen but I'm afraid you're going to have to face this today." She said placing the coffee within reach of one of my arms. "This should help to at least pry you off the floor. I made it extra strong—just for you my dear."

"Ugh, thank you mom. Is Lucy up yet?"

"Yep, she's downstairs with Aunt Juanita."

"What? I didn't know she was coming this weekend."

"Yeah, she wasn't until she heard about Skylar."

"Mom—really? Who else is down there? Please tell me that we're not having a family reunion all of a sudden."

"I'm glad you haven't lost your sense of humor with all of this. No, we are not having a family reunion down there honey." She took a seat on the floor next to me.

"Char, are you going to tell CeCe today?" She asked concerned.

"Honestly, mom I don't know. I want to but I don't want to hurt her. And what if I tell her and she's angry with me? What if I tell her and she still marries him? I don't even know how he feels about me—what if everyone finds out and no one ends up happy? I've already hurt Eric." I pushed the slobber away from my mouth.

"Did you tell him last night? He looked unusually unsettled when he brought Lu in."

"Yeah, he knew something happened. He's such a good guy and I hurt him and I hate that I did that."

"I think you know that you did the right thing. I like Eric and I think he's a wonderful young man. He's been so good to you and our Lucy but I never saw the spark between you two that you spoke of when you talked about Skylar, that summer morning. And I'm not saying that you need to go running after Skylar—if anything that boy needs to come running after you for taking off like he did. But I know you knew that Eric, as perfect as he is, didn't steal your heart like Skylar has since the moment you first met him."

"Mom, what do I do?" I asked pressing myself off the floor.

"I can't tell you what to do. I'm praying that you make the right decision."

"Can you pray that I'll know what to do—that it'll be confirmed—a sign or something, please?"

"Char, you have the power to change your fate. You'll know what to do when the time comes."

"I know you've said that to me since I was a kid. I wish I were still a kid sometimes. I never realized how much easier it was then. Being a grown-up sucks sometimes."

"Yes, but the good always outweighs the bad. None of us would want to live a life without Lucy. Life is a blessing no matter the storm."

"I know you're right. It's just hard right now."

"I know sweetie. It's always darkest before the dawn. I love you—you need to get ready now, sweetie."

"Thanks mom. Oh and mom, can you please keep the boys and dad off the front porch when they drop CeCe off please? I don't want them to say anything to CeCe or Skylar!"

"I'll try but just remember your daddy loves you. People do crazy things for the ones they love."

"Mom—please don't let him get too crazy. I have to spend all day with CeCe."

"Give your father more credit than that Charlotte." She said heading downstairs.

"Okay."

I took a quick shower, blow-dried my hair straight and brushed my teeth. I looked in my closet to find something fitting—not too dressy but pretty—something that made me stand out without saying 'come get me'. I wanted Skylar to choose me strictly for the girl he met on the beach four years ago—not for my clothes or because he felt obligated with being Lucy's dad. Not for my book he seemed impressed with either. Oh crap—the book. I had two days left until I had to have the final revisions to Mrs. Kisielewski at the publishing house, if I wanted it published. This wedding and the drama with Skylar had completely taken my mind off of everything else. Up until the last three chapters, the book was based on me and CeCe. The previous ending very much had a different, less theatrical account. The last few days gave me plenty of material to work with but how would the last chapter end, I wondered. My whole life depended on this last chapter. I scanned my closet again and reached for a white pique, just above-the-knee, fitted dress. The scooped neckline, complete with twin pleats was pristine with its thin black leather belt and shaping darts. It showed off my slender waist and was a good combination of femininity and elegance—perfect for a spa day with the sorority sisters and CeCe's snooty cousins. I threw on a pair of white strappy sandals and headed down the stairs.

I dreaded what I would find downstairs. Who knew what my father or brothers were up to—let alone, where my Grandma Rose might be lurking.

"Hi Charlotte," Aunt Juanita said in her thick southern drawl.

"Hi Aunt Juanita, I heard you came to see the unfolding drama which is my life at the moment."

"No, I came to cheer you on sweetie. You need some good, strong women to steer you in the right direction. Besides, I came to see my baby." She said, kissing the back of Lucy's head as she hopped up and down on Aunt Juanita's lap.

"Hmm, is that right?" I said tilting my head at her.

"That's right dumpling." She smiled.

"Well I'm still happy to see you anyway." I said, holding my coffee cup out to the side so I could reach down to hug her without spilling coffee on her or Lucy.

"Eat some quiche before CeCe gets here." My mom said pushing a plate of it in my direction.

"Yum, you didn't tell me you made quiche. You purposely made that just for me—didn't you? She knows quiche is my favorite breakfast food." I said picking up a forkful to quickly shove in my mouth.

"I sure did; bacon, spinach and artichoke." My mom smiled.

"You should get the recipe from her—it'll snag just about any fellow out from his feet." I said, scarfing it down.

"Maybe you should you take some of that with you to see Skylar?"

"I walked right into that one—didn't I; touché Aunt Juanita."

"You did. Ahem." She grinned from behind her coffee cup.

"Oh my goodness it's five minutes to nine. Where are dad and the boys?" I asked, looking around.

"They are somewhere outside." She looked down at her coffee cup.

"Mom, they are not waiting outside are they?"

Just then, the door opened and in walked Grandma Rose, followed by Evi. "CeCe's here and so is the hunk."

"Grandma!" I said mortified by the loudness of her voice.

"Mom, don't embarrass her." Aunt Juanita called out. "So he's really good looking, huh?"

"Well the young guy is not too bad but I was talking about the older one in the passenger's seat." She said nodding her head.

"Oh my goodness, is my dad out there Grandma?"

"Yes Charlotte. He and your brothers are cleaning their guns. It's a nice day outside to do that."

"Are you kidding me? Mom!"

I headed towards the door in a panic. CeCe and Skylar were getting out of the back seat of a brand new white BMW convertible. James and Sidney were getting out of the front seat. My father and brothers sat polishing their twenty-two's, on the front porch.

"Char—are you ready for some fun?" CeCe asked, jumping around pointing to the car. "Do you like my new ride? It's a present from my mom and dad for our wedding."

"You betcha I'm excited." I smiled nervously, looking at her and Skylar, who had a pretentious smile across his face. "That's a very nice wedding present." I said, thinking about their fondue pot I bought her a week ago for the wedding present.

"Richard, meet my son-in-law to be, Christian La Fleur and his father, Sidney."

My father stood up and put his gun down to shake Skylar's hand. My heart started pounding as I prayed silently that he wouldn't say a word other than the congenial hello.

"It's a pleasure to meet you sir." Skylar smiled, showing his beautiful perfect white teeth and architecturally shaped jaw line. His face hadn't changed. It was still the same beautiful face I fell for several summers ago. He looked like one of the Greek Gods we read about in middle school. His piercing blue eyes and dimples that exploded up the sides of his cheeks grew bigger as he smiled wider, keeping the attention of all the women standing on the porch and peeking through the windows.

"Dad, they've got to get going. You can give him his hand back now."

"I love your dad Char; Mr. Buchanan, you're so cool. Maybe we can come back and shoot the guns later—Christian and his dad might like that." CeCe insisted.

"Don't tempt him. We wouldn't get to the Bachelorette party if we did that Ce. We should get going. Dad—give him his hand back!"

"You've got a great handshake Mr. Buchanan. CeCe has told me so many good things about your daughter and your family." Skylar smiled, with his hand in my father's grip.

"We've got a great family here." My father said, looking him in the eye.

"Well, they are leaving dad. Richie, go get the car please?"

"Well, it was nice to meet you guys. Feel free to come back later if you want to shoot some guns. I'd be happy to bring out the big ones." My dad smiled as he released Skylar's hand.

"That might be fun. Thank you Mr. Buchanan." Skylar smiled once more, before saying goodbye to everyone else on the porch.

"I love you babe. I'll see you later." CeCe smiled at Skylar.

My family waited for his reply, watching his every move.

He smiled at CeCe and then looked at me. "Have fun girls. I'll see you later."

We jumped in the car shortly after they left. I eyed my parents from the driver's seat while CeCe was busy talking Richie's ear off. "Bye guys, I love you."

"We love you too sweetie." My mother smiled as she leaned into my dad's side.

We took off towards town for the spa. CeCe talked about Skylar just about as much as she talked about all the details of her dream wedding. The nausea was coming back. Richie just kept digging for more information while I pretended to be preoccupied with driving. She went over the details of the proposal underneath the Eiffel Tower and how he really knew her and loved her for her. She said that he reminded her of me because he accepted her for herself and wasn't interested in changing her. So, I actually drew her closer to him? Fantastic, just what I wanted to do, I thought to myself.

We got to the spa and were greeted by Bev, Christine, and six other girls. I recognized all but one of them. I knew Pinky, and two of the other sorority sisters CeCe went to college with. The other two were cousins—of which I had met before. The third girl had long, silky dark-brown hair and blue eyes. I had never met her but she was beautiful and smiling widely at me. I saw Christine walk up and put her arm around her.

"Charlotte, this is Emma, our daughter."

"Hi Charlotte, it's great to meet you." She smiled and extended her arms to hug me. A fresh scent of patchouli intermingled with possibly lemongrass greeted me with her embrace. "My brother still loves you." She whispered into my ear as she hugged me tightly.

Her words drifted into my ear and re-ignited a flame that had flickered only small sparks since that warm summer night. "It's very nice to meet you too."

Emma stayed close to CeCe and I for most of the afternoon. She, like her brother, gave off a warmth and sincerity that is hard to counterfeit. I detected that Richie seemed to take notice of Emma's beauty too. He was unusually quiet and observed Emma talk with CeCe and I. Emma shared stories of her and Skylar when they were kids and of the silly things he'd say and do. I could tell, by the way she spoke about him, they had a close sibling bond. She was three years younger than him.

"Emma came in early this morning. They have a house in Brunswick and she drove down from there." CeCe shared.

"Oh wow, that's not that far away." I said thinking about Skylar and the beach house he told me about.

"Nah, it's about 45 minutes for most or about a half hour for me. I have a bit of a lead foot." Emma grinned.

"Emma, you crazy driver you!" Christine joked.

"I've got places to go and important people to see." She smiled, clutching on to her mom's arm before turning to look at me and CeCe.

After our pedicures and manicures, we were lead to a large room with 4 large tubs sunk into the floor filled with what looked like mud and floating flowers.

"Anyone for a swim?" Richie teased.

"I opted for us to have volcanic ash mud baths. They're full of minerals and really good for your skin." CeCe said, clapping her hands quietly.

"Hmm, really?" I said, thinking about mud squishing between my toes and other parts.

"It'll be fun. Besides I want my skin to be silky smooth for Christian." She said as she went to her changing booth.

The thought of Skylar touching her silky skin made my stomach hurt.

"Girls, am I staying or going in another room?" Richie asked a bit nervous.

"Richie, they provide you with a cover up—it's like a Speedo. While you're changing we'll get in first and then you can get in." CeCe said from behind her curtain.

He looked at me and then over at Emma. "Really a Speedo?" He mouthed to me.

"If I have to hear about her making out with Skylar—I don't want to hear you complaining about wearing a Speedo." I whispered back to him frowning.

"Are you girls almost ready?" CeCe asked, coming out of the booth in a towel.

"No, I was busy listening to Richie whining about the mud getting in between his toes."

"I'm ready." Emma said pulling open her curtain.

I peeked around the corner and saw the back of Emma dip down into the mud. CeCe went in next. I quickly slipped out with my towel and headed towards my tub. I stuck my toe in and felt the warm mud. I dropped my towel on the ground and hurried in before Richie came out of his changing booth. The mud was surprisingly relaxing and not as gritty as I supposed it to be.

"Ladies, can I come out now?" Richie hollered from his curtain.

"Bring it on Richie." CeCe yipped.

"Okay, turn around girls; I don't want you to faint over my manliness." He said, peeking his head around the corner.

"Oh my goodness Richie—your manliness?" I laughed.

"Hey now, that's better than his girliness." CeCe joked.

"I kind of like Speedos—all the manly European men wear them." Emma smiled.

"See—she knows what she's talking about. Listen to the cultured woman over there." Richie pointed at Emma as he came out in a towel draped around his waist.

"I want to see the Speedo!" CeCe joked sitting back in her tub with the mud lying just below her collarbone.

"Hey, you've got your own Speedo to look at."

Richie's words stung. CeCe laughed at his silliness and was still none the wiser of the boiling emotions I covered up just below the surface. I looked down and thought about what would've happened if Skylar had called me when he promised. Maybe, we'd be sitting here in my honor. Her joy was choking what was left of my heart. I sat back and placed the warm wash cloth over my eyes.

"Good idea Char—you don't need to see your brother in a Speedo."

"Yeah, that would be a bit traumatic for her."

"Are you okay Char?" CeCe asked.

"Yeah, I'm good." I said trying to make my voice sound lighter. "I just didn't get a lot of sleep last night."

"She and Eric broke up."

"Richie!" I said, removing my washcloth so he could see my angry disposition.

"What? Char, why?" CeCe looked concerned.

"CeCe this is about your day. I don't want to spoil it with my depressing life." I said, trying to get her to talk about something else besides Skylar.

"Sweetie—maybe if you talk about it you'll feel better. I want to hear what happened." She leaned towards the edge of her tub in my direction.

"We just aren't meant for each other. He's really incredible in all ways but he's just not the one."

"In all ways?"

"Yes, in all ways." I looked at her as she raised her eyebrows. "CeCe, no—not that way; we've never..."

"Never, really?"

"No, never! Skylar was the only one. I'm not willing to give what's left to anyone unless he's the one and puts a big ring on this finger." I said, holding up my mud-covered hand, wiggling my ring finger.

Richie and Emma looked over at CeCe and I.

"So, what would you do if you ever saw Skylar again?" Emma asked.

"I don't know. I've thought about it so many times, I just never thought it would happen." I said, losing my thoughts.

"What?" CeCe asked. "Did you see Skylar?"

"Oh. Oh no. I meant I've thought about what I would say or do if I ever saw him. I don't think it'll happen besides I'm pretty sure he's moved on with his life—wherever he is."

"Christian has some pretty cute friends I could set you up with."

"Thanks CeCe. Don't bother. The right guy will find me one day."

"Well I hope that you find a guy just like Skylar—kind, handsome, funny, and just completely wonderful."  
"Thanks Ce," I managed to get out.

I sat back and listened to Richie, CeCe, and Emma talk the remainder of the time. My heart continued to sink in the mud feeling helpless. CeCe was so happy and although Emma seemed to give me hope I still felt that telling CeCe was not an option. CeCe's wedding was going to be the biggest party of the year for St. Marys. Her parents spared no expense in all the details to bless their daughter. Our mud baths finished and we met back up with the other girls and the mothers for afternoon tea before leaving for Cumberland Island for the wedding rehearsal. My mother met us at the harbor to drop Lucy off for the practice.

We boarded a ferry to get to the old beautiful Greyfield Inn that CeCe's parents booked for the entire weekend. It was a short fifteen minute ride to the Inn. Our boat was packed with all the ladies and Richie. As we got closer to the dock I could see the rest of the wedding party. Standing at the end of the pier was Skylar and a few of his friends. I watched him silently as I leaned over the side of the boat. He looked like he had in my dreams. His hair was blowing in the wind. He was dressed in flip flops, a pair of relaxed jeans with a white tee shirt and a blue fitted sport coat. His eyes were covered up by his sunglasses. As we neared the dock he looked over at me and smiled out of the side of his mouth. His smile made my heart sick. He was like a drug that made me dizzy and weak in the knees.

"Auntie Ce—there's Christian!" Lucy pointed with her tiny finger while she pulled on CeCe with her other hand.

Skylar's attention changed to CeCe as she waved him down with air blown kisses. I prayed diligently, in my head. Please Lord, please help me. I don't want to be here. Not here and not in this life. I can't handle this and I need you to carry me. I can't do this. I've been strong for everyone else but I need you. My world is crashing down and there's no one to hold it up. Please, I prayed.

"Hi ladies." Skylar greeted all of us. "Emma!" He reached for her. "I see you met all of CeCe's friends."

"I did. They all seem really nice." Emma beamed as Pinky perked up in awareness of all the guys standing around Skylar.

"Hey, you look familiar." One of Skylar's friends pointed in my direction.

"I do?"

"Yeah, isn't she that girl at the party?" He looked at Skylar.

"I don't go to any parties—it wasn't me. I'm a mom."

"Oh, it must have been someone else."

"They say everyone has a twin." I offered.

"Yeah, Char is the best mom. She's always with Lucy. And now she'll be with her even more." CeCe said, rubbing my shoulder mimicking a sad face.

I looked at CeCe wanting to duct tape her mouth. Although she was being a good friend in any other situation, she was driving me nuts.

"Really, why is that?" Skylar looked concerned.

"She and Eric broke up last night." CeCe said with a sad face, again.

"What happened?" He asked with a strange grin-like frown.

"My life is not that exciting. We should get going." I said turning towards the Inn.

"I'm sorry I'm not embarrassing you, am I Char?"

"I just don't want to talk about it—especially in front of everyone."

"I know. Maybe you'll meet someone this weekend. You are my best friend and you deserve to be happy."

"We'll see." I said avoiding eye contact with her and Skylar.

I endured the painstakingly romantic vows during the rehearsal. Father John officiated. I watched silently as CeCe gazed into Skylar's eyes. She had remembered every word of her vow. Skylar stumbled a few times and seemed distracted—this was a side of Skylar I hadn't seen before. He seemed less confident during the reciting of his vows. I couldn't tell if it was my presence or the fact that his daughter was running all around, pretending to be a butterfly in flight. Bev tried to catch her a few times to get her to land but she kept dodging her arms and Bev's heels did not lend her any assistance. Several times, I caught Skylar laugh as Bev tried to lure her over. Emma watched the spectacle in delight. I wondered what all Skylar had told her other than he _still_ loved me. She seemed to enjoy watching Lucy's free-spirited self-run around with no care in the world as did her brother. She only bothered to stop running when dinner was served and she was promised a decadent strawberry-lemon crème cake sprinkled with white chocolate shavings.

After the rehearsal, I followed behind CeCe and Skylar towards a large outdoor patio, complete with an elongated table draped in white linen and enough silver and crystal to cast a glow, noticeable, across the river. Everything was dripping in luxurious detail. It was elegant just like CeCe and Bev. The evening sky lit up a beautiful array of colors over the water. There was an orchestra playing music during dinner and servers stood nearby, with water pitchers and champagne bottles. Nothing had been over-looked. I paid close attention to Lucy and eluded any interactions with CeCe and Skylar. Father John sat next to Lucy during dinner. As I cut up her food, I felt a warm hand on my back. Father John leaned over to give me a smile and a pat on the back.

"How are you doing?" He smiled. "I hear you've got a book that's about to be published."

"Oh yeah, my parents must have told you."

"They did. They also told me other things when they asked for prayer for you this morning."

"I'm fine Father." I said in exasperation.

"I'm here if you need to talk." He patted my back as he looked me in the eyes. "If you change your mind..."

"If I change my mind, I'll let you know." I said, before thanking him for the thought.

"Can I get your attention everyone?" Bev asked, clinking a spoon against her champagne glass. "These girls and guys have got to get going for their night out on the town." She smiled. "But before they go—maybe a toast from the Best Man and the Maid of Honor to send them off?"

Great, I thought to myself. I was already emotional. Now to stand in front of all these people and wish my best friend and the love of my life a happy ever after was too much to bear. I looked over at Richie. He leaned his head to the side and attempted a smile. I looked down to gather my composure and to figure what I could say that was truthful and believable. We were just about to the point of no return. My time was running out as each moment passed.

"Since the Maid of Honor is a chatterbox over there, I'll go first." The Best Man joked, striking up laughter from the table.

I sat still, trying to figure out what to say as the Best Man continued.

"In front of us, sits a great man—a selfless and better person than most." He said with his hands on Skylar's shoulders. "I've watched as my best friend suffered through almost losing his mother-the great Mrs. La Fleur right over there, three times. Then he met a girl he thought was the one before she disappeared. After a few years of hard times and moping, something brilliant happened one day." He continued, "In the words of my best friend, _just when times get too dark and you feel all alone, God sends signs and people to help lift our spirits and direct our paths_. That was the day he met Cecilia Crawford and his life forever changed. You've made him a happy man CeCe. Please raise your glass to this very wonderful couple. This one's for you my little Sky Flower." He finished by raising his glass as the table cheered.

Sky Flower—this is what his friends use to call him. He told me about that at the beach that night. I tried to think back to see if I had ever shared that to CeCe. I looked over at her to see if anything registered. Her champagne glass was raised to her mouth still.

The table had quieted down again and everyone's attention turned towards me. I hadn't found the words and was feeling nauseous in the pit of my stomach.

I picked up my champagne and stood up. "What can I say about my best friend that would do her justice? I first met CeCe in the third grade in the principal's office." I grinned, as a few laughs from the table arose. "I was puking and she was in trouble for voicing her opinion for what she believed was right—something I've always admired about you Ce. Your courage to go after want you want—to love as boldly as you do and with all the beauty and grace you do are unmatched. As kids we dreamed about our wedding day and our prince charming's and had it all planned out by age nine." I said, feeling the tears start to build. "Well that day is finally here and I hope that it is everything you always dreamed it would be. Most importantly, I wish you the happiest ever after a girl can have." I smiled through tears. "Please raise your glass for CeCe and Christian." I said as CeCe smiled back in tears.

My body was trembling and I tried to contain my tears as CeCe came over to my chair and hugged me. As she wrapped her arms around me I saw Skylar staring at us in dismay. Behind every painful word, I spoke the truth. I wanted the best for her despite the outcome. I squeezed her tightly for several moments. When she pulled back, she glanced over my face and wiped away my tears.

"Thank you Char. You're words mean so much to me."

"They're all true sweetie. I love you and I've always admired you."

"I love you too." She smiled with an unusual guise. "Are you ready to get going?"

"Yeah, I've got to drop Lucy off first before we go out."

"My mom can do that." She offered.

"I thought your mom and dad were staying on the island tonight." I said.

"My mom's still got some stuff to do at home and besides all the guys are staying at my parent's for a party there while we're out."

"Okay."

I got Lucy's things ready for the ferry ride back. All of the wedding party except for James, Sidney, and Christine, took two ferries back to St. Marys. At the dock, I helped Bev get Lucy buckled up. I kissed her forehead and hugged her goodnight. I watched Bev and Lucy drive away before turning around. The guys had separated into a large group and the girls were already off and gossiping with Richie. Skylar and CeCe were talking. I couldn't hear what they were talking about but she didn't look as happy as she had on the island. I walked in their direction as she leaned up to kiss him. I froze as I saw them, for the first time, kissing. I looked down and turned towards the dock. The tears stung my eyes and stopped my breath. Only far off lights from the island peered across the dark waters. I took a deep breath and exhaled slowly trying to keep myself from collapsing.

"Hey there." Richie came to my rescue with his arm wrapped around my shoulder as we faced the island.

"I don't know how to get through this Rich." I fought back more tears.

"Sis, why don't you tell her?"

"You know I can't ruin her happiness."

"How do you know she wasn't the path back to you? His best friend even talked about you in his speech."

"I know, but then he also said that she helped him get over that girl."

"There may still be a part of him that loves you."

"Who are we talking about? Eric?" CeCe came up abruptly. "Did Eric say he loved you?"

"You scared me." I jumped. "No, we never got to that point."

"Well then it's time to get over him and have some fun." She said, taking my hand.

"I'll drive us." I offered.

"Thank you, I'm actually going to ride with Emma but I'll meet you at Martini's."

I sat in the car a few moments talking with Richie while Emma and CeCe pulled away. I stepped on the clutch and shifted the gear into first just as I pulled my foot off the break Skylar walked towards us.

"I'll see you at midnight still?" He asked, leaning his head into the window.

"Yeah, if I can get away."

"I asked my sister to help keep her preoccupied when you leave."

"Okay, I will meet you at Oak and Main."

"Thanks Charlotte—hi Richie," Skylar smiled at him before he glanced back at me. "Please don't back out now."

I nodded slowly at Skylar. I was partially mesmerized by his eyes and still in disbelief that he was actually standing in front of me after he disappeared almost four years ago.

We got to the bar and grille just after nine PM. CeCe was the main attraction. She was animated and provided for entertainment between her gift for story-telling and her wild skills with karaoke. I laughed, watching her use her hands and body language to re-hash some of her fonder memories of college with her sorority sisters. She dragged me up to the stage so we could sing _That's what friends are for_ by Dionne Warwick, one of our favorite childhood songs. She sang loud and grabbed my hand as she sang each word to me. I couldn't help but laugh with the exaggerated expressions as she sang shamelessly.

After a few hours passed, I tried to figure out a way I could easily dismiss myself. Richie pulled out my phone and dialed a number. The noise was loud in the room and he disappeared for a few minutes, before he came back and handed my phone to me.

"Who'd you call?" I raised my voice.

"I just had to check on something real quick." He said, offering to get me a drink.

"I'm good thanks. Can you get me an ice water though?"

"Sure, I'll be back in a few minutes."

I sat watching the party all around me. Some of the girls were dancing on the stage and others were talking to the town's summer male residents. CeCe was talking with Emma. I spotted Richie talking to one of the servers up at the counter. I closed my eyes and rubbed my temples for a minute. I sat back and opened my eyes and sitting right beside me was Eric.

"What are you doing here?" I asked, surprised to see him.

"I thought you could use a friendly face." He grinned.

"You're going to make me cry." I said smiling back at him. "I'm sorry I hurt you."

"I know you are."

"Did you know I was going to be here?"

"I had some hints." He laughed.

"Did Richie call you?"

"Maybe."

"Oh that Richie."

"Don't get mad at him." He loves you."

"I know. At least someone does."

"There are lots of people who love you." He said tilting his head to mine before kissing me unexpectedly.

He touched his palms to my cheeks and nestled my face into his hands as he kissed me for at least a minute or more. I finally opened my eyes to see a smile rise over his face. I heard several jeers around the table and saw CeCe's perplexed look as my eyes met hers, still dazed from what had just happened.

"What was that?" I asked in awe.

"Just making sure you made the right decision."

"Oh Eric..." I started.

"Don't say anything," he whispered into my ear. "I know you need to leave in a few minutes to meet Skylar. Richie thought a good distraction might help CeCe not notice your departure as much."

"And the kiss?"

"That was for me mostly. But I think I got CeCe's curiosity going."

"You are something so special Mr. Sothersby!" I said pinching his cheek softly.

"I know. You are too Ms. Buchanan."

He took the opportunity and kissed me once more, quickly, before I hugged CeCe goodbye and told her that I needed to get home to Lucy. Through the windows outside, I peered in to see CeCe sitting near Eric. They seemed to be talking. I saw the back of Eric's head moving while he pretended to play the piano. CeCe nodded her head and seemed to be engaged with a slight grin on her face. I scanned across the room and saw Emma and Richie looking at songs for karaoke.

I got back into the car. I looked in the rearview mirror and reapplied my eye make-up. I brushed my hair once more and dabbed some perfume under the corners of my jawbones. I pinched my cheeks slightly and smiled back at myself. I slid on my flesh-toned pink lip rouge and added a touch of gloss to my lips. I popped a mint into my mouth and shifted the gear into first heading towards Oak. It was three minutes to midnight. I rolled my windows down part way and heard the chirping of the grasshoppers and the ensemble of frogs. The moon was full and high up in the sky. I turned on the radio to keep me company and ease my anxiety. Jewel was on and singing her sleepy serenades.

I could see the street sign for Main about two blocks away. My heart beat faster as I drew nearer. I was so nervous that my stomach felt as if it were on a roller coaster getting ready to plummet ten stories. I had waited for this moment—to see him, to talk to him, to find out what happened for so long. He was marrying my best friend tomorrow I reminded myself. Maybe, he'd change his mind or maybe he wouldn't show up tonight. I held my breath, I didn't see anyone around. Street lights gave way to small circles of light every few blocks. As I shifted back down to second gear, I saw movement enter into the light. Skylar appeared with his hands in his jacket pockets.

"Need a ride?" I slowed down, trying to play it cool despite my shallow breathing.

"I was hoping you'd ask." He smiled.

I pulled my foot off the break and the car rolled forward a few more feet. Skylar jumped forward to catch up. "You do want a ride, right?" I asked playfully.

"Yep." He smiled reaching for the door handle as I placed my foot on the gas and rolled forward some more.

"Are you getting in?"

"Are you going to let me?" He laughed.

"Only if you hurry up." I provoked, putting my foot on the break. "I feel like I'm in high school again trying to sneak out of the house." I joked, trying to mask my nervousness.

"You snuck out in high school?"

"Yes. CeCe and I use to sneak out on my brother's scooter. I'd push it to the end of the driveway so it didn't wake my parents. I'd take all the back roads to CeCe's house and we'd drive around for hours before I dropped her back off and snuck back home."

"Where did you go?"

"Sometimes to the beach, sometimes to the diner—where ever we wouldn't get caught."

"You are a rebel."

"Not really. I was always the level-headed one." I said, opening the moon roof.

"So, where are we going?" He looked at me.

"Maybe the beach?" I said. "If you're okay with that."

"The beach, huh? Any specific beach in mind?" He bit his lip to conceal his smile.

"I've got one in mind." I said feeling an unusual confidence run through my veins.

"Okay."

"Okay." I echoed back into the stillness of the night.

We drove through the sleeping neighborhoods with the graceful weeping willows, covered in Spanish moss, blowing slowly in the breeze. The music played just loud enough to hear Sade's No Ordinary Love come on the radio. I held my breath again. I wasn't ready to break down in front of him. This song could have summed up how I felt about him.

"I like this song." Skylar said, turning up the volume.

"Yeah, I like it too. It's kind of sad though."

"Maybe, but it's a classic." He looked at me peeking at him before I could look away.

"Yeah, it's a good one."

I turned down a one-lane dirt road. Streams of moonlight shot through the thick tree coverage. I peeked at Skylar again as he scanned the area.

"You're not planning to kill me and dump my body somewhere—are you?" He joked looking to see nothing but trees and moonlight surrounding us.

"Thought about it with as much as I would've loved to set you on fire a few times over the past few years—but no—I'm not planning on burying you in the swamps out here." I smiled, keeping my eyes on the road ahead of us.

"I forgot how much I liked your sense of humor." Peripherally, I could see him smiling at me.

I bit my lip wondering what else he had forgotten about me. I remained silent. We were almost to the end of the road where it would open up straight to the beach. Lovers were known to come back to this beach for the breathtaking beauty this private view offered. There were two large sand dunes, one on either side of the small dirt road. As we pulled into the moonlight and left the trees behind us, the stars appeared closer and brighter than they'd ever shown before. I put the car in park and turned off the engine.

"Wow, this is beautiful." He said looking down the beach and up into the sky.

"Yeah, this is the beach I go to when I need to be alone with my thoughts."

"I can see why."

We sat quietly for a few minutes, avoiding eye contact with the distraction of our anxieties and the remarkable landscape around us.

"Is it okay if I call you Charlotte?" Skylar finally broke the silence.

"Yeah." I could feel goose bumps braise my arms.

"Charlotte, I've been thinking about this moment since the day I met you almost four years ago. I drove back to this area so many times to try to find you. I asked so many people in town if they knew a Lucy."

"All you had to do was call me." I said in a low voice.

"You see I tried that but the problem is I never got the right number."

"I gave you a fictitious name Skylar but I gave you the right number—to my parent's home. Every day, I called home to see if you called...but you hadn't."

"I know you gave me the right number. The problem is—is by the time I got home early that morning I took off my pants and threw them off somewhere on the floor. A few hours later my sister called me, waking me up from the best dream of my life to say our mother's cancer was back. She was admitted to the hospital in Savannah and not expected to make it. I was the happiest man in the world one minute and pleading for my mother's life, again, the next. I grabbed another pair of pants and threw them on—on my way out of the house. I stayed at the hospital for the next three days before we flew to Mayo for aggressive treatment. We were there for a few weeks. When I got home I looked everywhere for my pants—the ones I wore the night I met you—the same ones that had your phone number in them. I finally found them, washed, folded, and in my dresser. Our maid, Carmencita, had cleaned my room, with the rest of the house, when she was getting the house ready to close for the season. When I reached in my pockets I felt a sigh of relief, when my fingers found the paper. I pulled it out and opened it up ready to call and explain what happened. My heart stopped, when I pulled out the paper. The paper had fallen apart in the wash and only the first five numbers remained, just barely. I couldn't make out the last two. I got a notebook and tried every combination of numbers for the last two. I kept track of who answered and no one knew a Lucy. A few people hung up on me. I called them a few more times before a few men cursed me out. There was one lady, I think she was older, who giggled before hanging up the phone. I tried to find you. After more than a year of looking, I figured it wasn't meant to be. My friends said I needed to move on."

My heart beat faster. I felt a surge of pain in my chest. Hearing his story confirmed he had really cared about me despite the doubt I settled with.

"You were all I thought about." I confessed.

"I hadn't felt that way about anyone. You've haunted my dreams since that night Charlotte."

I replayed his words in my head... _hadn't felt that way about anyone_. I pondered whether he felt that way about CeCe.

"And now—do you still feel that way?" I asked, inhaling deeply.

"Seeing you yesterday brought me right back to that night." He said with his eyes piercing into mine.

"I don't know if I even really want to know but I can't not ask you. Do you love CeCe; is she really the one?" I said closing my eyes, bracing myself for his answer.

"You were always supposed to be the girl I ended up with. I had given up ever finding you after a year passed. I kept myself busy and tried to stop thinking about you but you still visited my dreams."

I felt my nose wrinkle up pushing back the tears inside. "The day Lucy was born I had drifted off to sleep. I saw you standing in my doorway holding a bouquet of flowers. When I opened my eyes you were nothing more than a dream. I never understood why God allowed us to meet when it only caused me so much pain. But then Lucy was born and she was the greatest joy I've ever experienced—even doing it alone."

"I wish I could change things. I'm sorry I wasn't there for you and for Lucy."

"You didn't know."

"When I met CeCe there was something about her; something familiar. Her sweet spirit and her passion could hardly be ignored."

"I know my best friend has that effect on most people." I said biting my nails, letting a laugh slip out.

"I didn't know it at first but something about her reminded me of you."

"I didn't give it any thought when she said she met someone that she was mad about. She described you in the way I described you—incredible. I never thought I'd see you on that veranda yesterday."

Skylar smiled at me and then looked down before continuing, "I never thought I'd see you again until last week."

"What do you mean?" I asked, repeating his last few words in my head.

He sighed and took a deep breath. "I visited CeCe at the home she lived at with the French family. I'd never been up in her room before and she asked for help packing her things. She assigned me to packing up her clothes, in boxes, while she ran out to get us some coffee and pastries. I was folding her clothes and something caught my eye. On her windowsill over-looking the Seine was a black and white photograph. I saw CeCe but was taken aback when I saw you. I found myself on the floor, completely shocked."

"And you didn't tell CeCe?"

"I had prayed so many times, in the past, that I would see you again. I didn't know what to say to her. I had to find you—I had to see if it was really you." He said with sorrow in his eyes.

"And now that you've found me—now what? You're marrying my best friend tomorrow? Why do you tell me all of this now? What am I supposed to do with it, Skylar?"

He reached out to touch my hands. "Charlotte, I knew I loved you the night we met." His words pierced through the lock on my heart.

The clasp of his hands on mine released a quiver through my body. "And tomorrow when you marry CeCe—will you still love me?" I asked, pursing my lips together to fight the surge of emotion ready to implode.

"Yes, I will still love you." He answered looking into my eyes.

I looked away with tears built up like a damn getting ready to burst. "I can't be there. I want her to be happy but you can't ask me to watch her marry the only guy I've ever loved." I said, tears gushing down my face.

Skylar took my face into his hands as my body trembled. "I can't say that I've never loved CeCe because I do, but I know that I've never stopped loving you. It was your face that I saw—that pulled me out of the desperation I felt when I thought I was losing my mother. The thought of you kept me going. I'd close my eyes and picture your smile and it made me happy."

"But we can't live in the past."

He pulled me into his chest and held me tightly while the tears flowed like a river washing out everything in its path. His warmth encompassed all of my frailties. I closed my eyes and let go of all my thoughts and inhibitions. Still tucked into the strength of his embrace, I wiped my eyes and nose with my sleeve. He pulled back and lowered his lips to mine. He looked at me in a way I had long awaited and kissed me softly. My stomach plunged and butterflies, by the dozen, soared freely. My breath and every part of my body were paralyzed.

His kiss left me with a wooziness I'd experienced only once before, with him, almost four years earlier. He held me in his arms while we remained silent. A few hours passed since we reached the beach.

"I don't want to leave here again knowing this could be the last time I taste your lips and feel your skin." I said brazenly.

"I can't bear losing you again." Skylar said with his chin resting on the top of my head with his arms caressing me.

"What do we do?"

"I have to make the right decision. No matter what happens everything will change." He said, looking at me with deep melancholy in his eyes.

"Do we tell CeCe tonight?"

"She needs to know. I just don't know if I can tell her tonight. I need to get back and think about this."

"I know we don't want to hurt her but she should know before she walks down the aisle tomorrow." I insisted, trying to determine where Skylar's commitment rested.

He had asked her to marry him before he knew I still existed, I thought to myself.

"Are you..." I paused, hurting to get the words out. "Are you still planning on marrying CeCe tomorrow?"

"I can't marry anyone tomorrow. I know that meeting you again—is not a coincidence. I love you Charlotte; I've always loved you. I've made choices that hurt you and CeCe and I don't want to cause either of you anymore pain. I want to be with you but I need to make things right with CeCe, first."

I rested in the comfort of his arms a little while longer before we drove back to town and I dropped him off in the shadows of Oak and Main.

"So, I'll meet you tomorrow at the Inn?"

"Yeah, I'm going to talk with her tonight." Skylar said holding my hand.

"Should I call her first? Would it come better from her best friend?"

"I owe it to her to tell her myself. If she calls you before I see her then you can let her know that we need to talk."

"Okay." I said, still nervous about letting Skylar out of my sight—afraid to lose him again.

"I promise I'll see you tomorrow."

"You promise it won't take you another four years to see me again." I smiled, light-heartedly.

"I promise." He said, leaning over to kiss my cheek before he backed out of the car.

I waved to him and smiled. I watched him disappear out of my rearview mirror feeling a knot building in the pit of my stomach. I started to panic thinking about his words. He still loved her too. He could change his mind. She could change his mind. She was very persuasive when she really wanted something. She was very competitive and good at everything she did. What if he married her tomorrow? I knew he wanted me to wait but I couldn't. I needed to call CeCe and tell her everything. I didn't want to be in the audience of my life—I need to be the key player if I wanted my happy ever after.

I drew in a deep breath and exhaled slowly. I pulled out my cell phone and dialed her cell number. It rang four times and suddenly the phone picked up. I thought I knew what I would say but my mouth just froze. Her voicemail picked up. "Hi this is CeCe—the soon to be Mrs. La Fleur. Please leave a message and I'll get back to you after my honeymoon". Hearing her words again burned in my skin, like cattle being branded by hot iron. I hung up the phone and continued to drive home. I pulled in the driveway and dialed her number again. It was three AM. Again, the phone rang and nothing. Her voicemail picked up. I closed the phone shut and quietly walked inside.

My mother was sitting up alongside Richie watching a movie in the living room.

"You're still up?"

"We waited for you to get home." My mother said.

"Is that Char?" My dad asked from the top of the stairs.

"Yes honey."

"So, how'd it go?" Richie asked curiously.

"Good. He told me the whole story. He tried to find me for over a year and said that he never stopped thinking about me."

"I know its late Char but what happened. He had your number?" My mother asked as my father made space for himself beside her on the sofa.

I sat for the next half hour telling my parents everything Skylar shared with me. They sat quietly, listening about his mother, Carmencita and the paper, and the photograph.

"So, what are you going to do?" My mother asked.

"I tried calling CeCe twice, after I dropped Skylar off but I got her voicemail both times. She's probably sleeping."

"I don't know if she's sleeping." Richie hinted.

"It's almost four in the morning. I'm sure she's sleeping on the night before her wedding." I argued.

"Well...I got home about an hour before you got home and she was still out." He smiled

"Those girls are going to be so tired tomorrow." My mother commented.

"No, just CeCe."

"What do you mean?"

"The girls all left and CeCe said she'd have Eric take her home." He smiled again.

"What? Eric took her home?" I asked, stunned by CeCe's judgment on the eve of her wedding night.

"Is there a problem with that?" Richie asked sarcastically.

"Yes, there's a problem with that. CeCe is supposed to be getting married to another man tomorrow and she's running around with Eric tonight while I've been sick to my stomach worrying about hurting her with Skylar."

"Are you sure it's not because she was running around with Eric? You can't have it both ways." My brother annoyingly said.

"Yes, I care about Eric but the man I love—that she supposedly loves—she feels it's okay to just run around on him?"

"They were just hanging out Char." Richie said. "Take it easy on her."

"I'm sorry I've been sick about this whole thing since yesterday."

"You should get some sleep dear. You've been through a lot and tomorrow doesn't sound like it's going to be any easier for the three of you." My mother said compassionately.

"I do need sleep. I'm supposed to meet CeCe on the island at ten AM."

"So, he's going to talk with her first?" My dad asked for clarification.

"Yes, he was going to talk to her as soon as he saw her." I said.

"Okay, just be ready for that." He said, standing up to give me a hug before I headed upstairs.

"Oh honey, Mrs. Kisielewski called while you were out today. She said she needs your final draft of the manuscript emailed to her no later than midnight tomorrow." My mother said, before my foot touched the first step.

"Oh crap. I remembered but completely forgot. I'm so stressed that I forgot about the deadline."

"Well you should have plenty of ideas for the ending now." Richie added as I staggered up the stairs.

I lay in bed, tired, but my mind raced a million miles an hour, thinking about tomorrow. Skylar could still change his mind. What if I didn't get my book done in time? I could lose almost everything that made sense in my life. It would be just Lucy and I again. "Lord please, move mountains for me. I can't climb these alone and if I fall and there's no one or nothing to catch me then I don't know how I'll get back up again." I said out loud before closing my eyes, hoping for the best.

Chapter 22: Southern Belles

I was standing at the altar, in my pink bridesmaid's dress, and neither CeCe nor Skylar were anywhere to be seen. I felt something tickling my cheek. I swatted at it and heard giggling. I felt something brush against my cheek, again, and abruptly opened my eyes to see Lucy standing directly over my face, with her feather boa dangling over me.

"You silly goose," I said, grabbing the feather from the grips of my three-year old before pulling her on top of me so I could tickle her back.

"No mommy. Don't tickle me. I'm gonna pee." She barely made out the words in between all the giggles.

"Pee! Pee! It's okay—you need to take a shower anyway."

"Mommy, I'm gonna tell papa on you." She screamed loudly, muffled with laughter as she attempted to wiggle out of my hold.

"Okay, I'll stop." I said letting go of her for a second before tickling her again.

"Mommy!" She squealed.

"Okay, okay, I'll stop for real." I kissed her head before letting her go.

"Mommy we need to go. We got to get to Auntie's wedding."

"It's 9:30 AM honey. You need to get going soon. Do you want us to bring Lucy with us so you have some privacy?" My mother appeared in my doorway.

"Oh my gosh—I've got to go! Yes, please bring Lucy." I jumped up and ran towards the shower. "Mom, please get my purse and make-up bag together."

Ten minutes later I kissed Lucy goodbye and rushed to my car.

"We'll see you shortly honey. I'm praying for you." My mother called out to me as I shifted into first gear.

I sped to the ferry, parked my car and hurried on with my bags. My bridesmaid's dress, that I hoped I would not need, was already at the Inn, courtesy of Bev. My heart was racing again. I didn't know what I would find when I saw CeCe. She was going to be hurt or mad or sad. I put my make-up on while the boat made its way to the island. I was the only passenger on the ferry. We reached the dock and I quickly grabbed my bags and rushed towards the Inn.

It was a beautiful warm morning with the sun still making subtle appearances between the passing clouds. The chairs and tables for the reception were already set up on the front lawn, facing the river. There were people everywhere setting up all the personal touches CeCe designed. I looked around for CeCe or Skylar as I made my way to the Inn. Nothing—just like my dream.

I entered the Inn and was quickly greeted and escorted by Jillian, the wedding planner, a younger more restrained version of Bev. I tried explaining that I needed to meet with CeCe by ten AM but she did not seem worried. I wasn't sure how to react by her hastiness. She hurried me down the long corridor and swung open a pair of doors. I looked at my watch. It was 10:15 AM.

"Your dress is in here. You have two minutes to get it on. We need to get you down to the bride for pictures. As soon as you're done, I'll take you down there. I will be standing right outside your door."

"Okay, I'll be right out." I shook my head. Skylar must not have talked with CeCe yet. Or maybe he had and she persuaded him to continue with the wedding. My heart felt the weight of the last four years press down.

"You have one minute." Jillian shouted.

"Almost done," I said feeling shaky again.

I zipped up the back of my dress and placed my clothes in my bag. I dabbed on some pink lip gloss wondering if Skylar would be there with CeCe.

"Time's up." The door swung open to my surprise. "Follow me." She turned in the opposite direction.

I followed her back down the long corridor and stopped at the very end where she pushed open another set of doors. This time, I saw the back of CeCe. She was alone in the room and standing at the window, looking out. Her hair was perfectly curled with blonde extensions, brushed up into a fancy side pony-tail. Her dress, strapless, covered in champagne lace, with an ornate rhinestone belt and fitted to just above the knee before it billowed out, was breathtaking. From her profile I could see that her left arm was crossed over her abdomen while her right elbow rested on her left hand and her right hand covered her mouth. She was silent and I could hear a needle drop. Jillian opened a cabinet for my items to be placed before she walked back out of the room closing the doors tightly shut.

"So, do you think I should I go through with this?" I heard CeCe ask, without turning to see who was in the room with her.

Nervously, I answered, "Do you think you should go through with this?"

"I love him but what if there was someone else out there?" She asked, unflinching in her question as she remained interested in the activities outside.

"What do you mean CeCe?" I was shaking again, wondering if she had spoken with Skylar or if she was just testing me.

"What if I was just marrying Christian because he's the first good man to come along?"

"Do you love him?" I asked, feeling ill.

The door swung open again. I turned to see who it was. Jillian was standing there with Bev.

"Charlotte dear, we need to take pictures now." Bev instructed.

"I'm not ready yet mother. Come back in a few minutes please." She said without turning around.

"Okay. We will be back in five minutes."

"Make it ten." CeCe demanded.

"Back in ten," Bev said before closing the doors.

"CeCe, why are you asking this?"

Finally, she turned around looking down while she twisted her fingers into the curls of her pony-tail. "I need a friend right now—no judgment please." She started.

"Yeah, sure CeCe," I waited for what came next.

"Last night after you left I started talking with Eric." She paused glancing over my face. "It turns out that there may just be something there—something unfinished."

"CeCe..."

"Char, just listen."

"Okay." I said, sitting down.

"I know that you said Eric wasn't the one but I wasn't convinced after I saw him kiss you last night. So, I pulled up a chair and we talked for the next four and a half hours." She said with no identifiable expression on her face.

"And what did you find out?"

"I found out all kinds of things." She said turning back around towards the window.

"Like what?"

"Like he broke up with you because he said he never truly got over me since the fifth grade." She said with a slight smile on her cherry red lips.

"What?"

"I'm sorry Char. I know it's not what you wanted to hear this morning on my wedding day." She said, turning back around. "I was trying to see if I could work things out between you two. However, the more we talked I remembered what fascinated me about him in the first place. He's funny and sweet and smart and shy with a dash of courage."

I felt a strange feeling hurl up in my belly. "What happened CeCe? What did you talk about that took you four and a half hours?"

"Don't get mad, okay? Promise?"

"Okay CeCe, I promise. What happened?"

"We went down to the landing. We talked so much that I don't know what came over him or me but we just ended up kissing." She said covering her mouth.

"You kissed Eric?"

"You promised to not get mad!"

"What about Skylar?" I asked, angry that I was walking on eggshells while she had made out with my ex-boyfriend on the eve before her wedding day.

"That's why I need a friend. I love him but what if I'm rushing things just because he's so good to me?"

"Rushing things—you think?"

"Wait—what did you say?" CeCe looked at me, suddenly confused.

"Don't you think you're rushing things?"

She moved away from the window and towards me. "No, not that—you said Skylar."

"Don't you think you're rushing things with Christian?" I said, trying to ignore that I said Skylar.

"How did you know his middle name?" She asked in an accusatory way walking very close.

"CeCe, I tried calling you several times last night. I needed to talk to you and I couldn't get a hold of you. Why wouldn't you answer my phone calls?"

"Why are you changing the subject? How did you know Christian's middle name?" She asked coming within a few feet of me.

"CeCe you are doing the typical CeCe thing and talking just about what you want to talk about." I answered backing up.

"Answer me." She said in a louder tone.

"I know lots of things CeCe." I raised my voice.

"Yeah, like what?"

"I know lots of things about your fiancé."

Her eyes narrowed. "Why do I feel like I'm missing something here?" She asked with a quality of resentment in her voice.

"Maybe if you answered your phone you'd know why."

"Really, what kinds of things do you know about _my_ fiancé?" She followed me.  
"You really want to know?"

"Tell me Char!" She shouted.

"Well first of all your flower girl is his daughter." I said, stopping in my tracks.

"What craziness are you talking about?"

"You heard me CeCe. And now I wonder if you didn't know all along and was just too jealous of me and Eric to tell me the truth about who your fiancé was." I raised my voice louder.

A knock at the door interrupted us before the door swung open again. "CeCe, we need to take pictures now." Her mother said standing there with Jillian, a server with a beverage tray, and five of her bridesmaids.

"Go away. We are talking right now." CeCe yelled, scaring all but her mother away before she went over and closed the door on them.

"I'm not jealous of anyone." CeCe hovered by me.

"Really, you mean you never thought that Christian who has a middle name of Skylar with a last name of La Fleur which when translated to English means Flower and who has a house in this part of the country could have been my Skylar—my Sky Flower? You never even considered it?" I asked feeling flames coming from every word.

"Really Char. I'm too busy to put every single detail that you've ever told me into a study guide." She said, just inches from my face.

"Hmm, that's very convenient for you."

"No, I didn't know besides he picked—he's marrying me." She said, waving her finger in my face.

"That's funny. Last night when he kissed me and said he still loved me, he said he couldn't marry you today." I said, pushing the doors back open and knocking a few handfuls of people, behind the door, over.

CeCe's face turned fire-engine red, "Come back here Char!"

"I'm finding Skylar and we will sort this out." I said, picking up my dress and running down the hallway.

"I was not done talking. Get back here!" CeCe yelled chasing after me as fast she could in her dress.

"Catch me if you can." I yelled, slipping out the back entry doorway.

"That's not a problem I've always been faster than you."

I ran across the back lawn, passed the ceremony chairs and massive floral arrangements, looking for Skylar. "You have to be good at something."

"You've always been jealous of me and you know it." CeCe ran after me catching up quickly.

I scanned the grounds and saw no sign of Skylar. I looked back over at the Inn and saw about twenty people peering through the windows at CeCe and I. "I am not jealous of you CeCe."

"I've always had the cars, the friends, and the boyfriends you've wanted." She said, closing in.

I doubled back around passing in front of the pond still scanning for Skylar anywhere. "You're ridiculous and so narcissistic CeCe! I don't want your life."

"Just my men." She said in arm's reach.

"How many men do you have to have?" I asked, before feeling my head jerk back quickly stopping the momentum of my forward motion just steps from the pond.

"They choose me." She said, grabbing my hair.

"Ouch CeCe! Let go of my hair!" I said, whirling around.

"Take back what you said first! This is my wedding day and you've ruined it."

"You ruined it all by yourself!" I said, pushing her forward while trying to release her hand from my hair.

"You..." She pushed back as I grabbed her hand to keep from falling backwards in the pond.

"I'm falling!" I said, feeling my body tumbling back with CeCe falling on top of me before we landed in the muddy pond.

"You! You ruined my wedding day!" CeCe cried as she found her bearings and stood up covered in mud and algae.

"You kissed another man the night before your wedding." I screamed just as Skylar and Eric approached us.

Skylar looked at Eric with a slight frown. Eric bobbed his head to the side.

"You kissed my fiancé!" She retorted.

Eric looked at Skylar with the same questionable look and grinned.

I looked at Eric and found the courage to smile back before I glanced over at Skylar.

"What are you girls doing?" Skylar asked, eyeing CeCe and I.

I stood up quickly, slipping on more mud before falling back down into the pond as CeCe cackled.

"Oh you think that's funny?" I said, pulling on the back of her dress causing her to become a leaning tower of mud, sliding back down into the pond beside me.

"Charlotte!" She hollered.

I picked up a handful of mud and threw it at her pretty face. The guys backed away from the pond. Stunned and angry, CeCe picked up two handfuls of mud and threw them like a fast-pitched baseball at my head.

"You're like a pig in the mud." CeCe screeched.

"Ouch!" I screamed picking up more mud to chuck at her. "Maybe the mud will help cover up your blemishes, you definitely don't look like a southern belle.

"You are crazy!" CeCe yelled as she rushed at me.

Realizing that a woman scorned, a southern woman no less, on her wedding day was one of the most powerful machines known to human kind, I backed up as fast as I could but it was no use. She caught my leg and dragged it upwards causing me to get mouthfuls of algae scum and mud in my eyes, ears, and nose. I found a footing and gained my stature back—grabbing her waist—like one of the wrestling moves my brother Edward showed me years ago. I leaned all my weight into her, knocking her down. We wrestled another few minutes while Eric and Skylar took a seat on the grass nearby. They were smart enough to not get pulled into the murky mess. CeCe and I were locked up neck and neck covered in grime from head to toe. I squeezed tightly around CeCe's neck.

"Okay, you win." CeCe pleaded. "Get your monkey arms off me."

"Say it one more time."

"You win." CeCe said louder. "Now let me go."

"Okay." I said, letting go of her before she reached around and pulled me under the water as she quickly moved out of my way.

I came up out of the water to see her break into laughter. I looked at her and laughed too. We stood there for a minute, filthy, and water-logged. Her face softened. I began to feel the tears rush back.

"You're a mess." I laughed.

"You ruined my wedding day." CeCe stopped smiling.

"I'm kind of sorry I ruined your day."

"It's about time you apologized." She said seriously before, her lips curled into a sideways smile. "I'm sorry too—I really didn't know that he was your Skylar."

"When I didn't hear from you for five months last year, my heart broke. I know what it's like to not have you in my life and I don't want to live without you ever again and I don't want to live without Skylar." I said, walking over to CeCe.

"I love you Char."

"I love you Cecilia Kathryn Crawford."

We met in the mud and stood motionless for a moment. I reached for her and she threw her arms around me.

"What are we going to do?"

"We are going to stop making the mistakes that we can avoid." She said with her head bent around my neck.

"Are you sure you're ready for that?"

"No, but the bad choices we make don't make our situations any better, even if only for a moment." She said, holding me tightly.

"Did I ever tell you that I've always admired you?"

"I'm going to need you to keep the compliments coming for a while."

"I'm being truthful CeCe. I love your ability to fight hard for what you want including our friendship."

"Thank you."

As we got to the edge of the pond, Eric and Skylar lent their hands to help pull us out. As we made it back to dry land, I noticed an audience from the lawn to all the windows. CeCe, in true form, waved to all as she curtsied and took a bow.

The news quickly spread to all three families and to most of the county within the 24 hours. CeCe and Skylar took off to talk and figure things out. I thanked Eric again for his truly wonderful friendship. He said I was allowed to give him a hug after I washed up. The wedding was cancelled and the Crawford's decided to throw a party for the entire town since they'd already paid for everything. Lucy stayed at the party with my parents so she could wear her pretty pink dress. We decided to wait and not tell her just yet that she had another daddy.

Alone and covered in mud, I took the ferry back to St. Marys. I went home and took a hot shower. Afterwards, I sat down in front of my computer. I reflected back over the past 48 hours and set out to finish the last three chapters of my book while my entire family celebrated on Cumberland Island all night. I laughed and cried thinking about the frailty of life, how the unexpected things—the unmade plans God knew about all along brought challenges, surprises, but best of all relationships worth more than all the gold and diamonds in the world. I stayed up writing until the last period was in place. I saved a copy of the book and then emailed it to Mrs. Kisielewski at 11:59 PM. Just after midnight I crawled into bed and closed my eyes.

Chapter 23: Puppies and Butterflies

The next morning I awoke to my cell phone ringing a little after nine.

"Hello?"

"Meet me at Tru-Rox in twenty minutes." CeCe said pertly before hanging up.

I was excited to get to the diner and meet with CeCe. I kissed Lucy and woke her up. I got her dressed quickly and changed my clothes. We hopped into the car and headed to the diner; a few minutes later we arrived.

"Hi Char." Trudy smiled, bringing the coffee pot over, as we slid in our booth.

"Good morning Tru."

"Morning Ms. Trudy." Lucy said grabbing some crayons and a kid's menu to color on.

A minute later CeCe walked in beaming. I waved to her and she strolled over.

"Can I get you anything CeCe?" Trudy offered.

"How about a chocolate milkshake?"

"Sounds good; it'll take me a second. We're short-staffed. I haven't been able to find another server as good as Char and it doesn't look like she's coming back anytime soon. Your mom said your book got picked up and is being published. I knew it was only a matter of time for both of you to find your wings and soar." She smiled.

"Awe, thanks Tru," CeCe and I said in unison, before we looked at each other and started laughing.

"I want cheese fries." Lucy said pressing down firmly with her pink crayon.

"Good choice Lu. Your momma and I use to order the chocolate milkshakes..."

"And the cheese fries she told me." She said, finishing CeCe's sentence.

"That's right." CeCe smiled looking over at her.

"Ladies, I'll be back with your food in a few moments." Trudy said, leaving to put in our order.

"So, are you okay?" I asked, reaching my hand over to hers.

"I'll be okay. I'm sad but I'll survive."

"I finished my book at 11:59 PM." I smiled back.

"I trust that I gave you enough material to finish your book." She grinned.

"Ughh, yes you did. Thank you for that and for everything."

"You're welcome. I owed you one."

"What do you mean?"

CeCe smiled and looked down and back up again. "Last night after I finished talking to Christian, I mean Skylar— I thought about you and Skylar and Eric. Do you remember the day we first met Eric?"

"Yeah—I remember fighting over the locker with you to put on my make-up before we saw him." I smiled.

"Do you remember when Mrs. Newwater asked for a volunteer?"

"How could I not? You about ripped my hair out trying to get your hand higher in the air than mine." I said as Lucy shot CeCe a strange look before looking at me. "Auntie Ce was crazy mad for Eric when we were in fifth grade."

"Do you remember what I promised you that day?"

I thought back—recalling the conversation we had twelve years ago. "It's a bit fuzzy—"

"I promised you that if you let me show him around that the next good guy that came along was yours." She bit her bottom lip.

"Ladies, here are your fries and two chocolate milkshakes, on the house." Trudy unloaded the tray before hurrying off.

Just then the doorbell dinged. I glanced over to see Skylar look around before his eyes landed on mine. He started towards us.

"I love you Char. I'll always be there for you and I know you'll always be there for me. It's your turn now; your Prince Charming has arrived." She said, standing up to kiss me on the cheek before she headed towards the door.

She stopped and hugged Skylar on her way out.

"Wait CeCe, where are you going?" I shouted.

She smirked, "I've got some business to do at Sothersby Insurance Company."

"On a Sunday?" I asked, before her words registered and she was out the door.

"Is this seat taken?" Skylar asked Lucy and I as he approached.

"You can sit there." Lucy interrupted.

"So, do you come here often?"

"A lot, me and my mommy love the cheese fries and chocolate milkshakes."

"Chocolate milkshakes—those are my favorites!" Skylar smiled.

"I think we're going to be friends then." Lucy giggled.

Skylar gazed at us. "I think we're going to be good friends too, Lucy." He said reaching for my hand, "How do you feel about puppies?"

Lucy's eyes widened as she watched him. "Oooh I love puppies!"

"Me too, I have a bulldog named Zeus." He said, grinning widely at the two of us.

As Lucy began asking questions about Zeus, Skylar gently tucked my hand into his. Seeing him smile made me smile and from deep within me I felt the pitter patter of butterflies being released.

~The End~

Acknowledgements

A huge thank you to my husband Andrew Anderson for helping me with quirky book things and ensuring our children were not bleeding and ate dinner on the countless nights I spent at my desk bringing this story to life, to my children, the most amazing blessings in life and why I do what I do, and to my mother and biggest fan Barbara Dzuris for so many things and especially, for instilling in me the love of writing and storytelling. Thank you to my dad, Milan Dzuris, for being such a great father and papa. To Katie Hess for a great photograph and Amy Guilford for rescuing my book cover-thank you ladies. For all the women I've come across that have blessed me with laughter, friendship and wisdom, thank you. And to my Heavenly Father, the author of absolute love and second chances, thank you for your patience and your wild sense of humor.

About the Author

Sarah Anderson grew up in a not-for-profit family camp serving children and families from low income, urban neighborhoods in Chicago, Illinois. After graduating high school, she traveled the world, went on missions trips, and received a Masters of Social Work degree to make a positive impact in the world around her. She draws from these experiences to write moving and humorous stories to inspire people of all ages to reach for their dreams and never give up. She and her husband live in Michigan with their four children.

Visit Sarah Anderson's website to learn more about her and other works in progress.

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