 
Live by the Sun, Love by the Moon

J.T Jackson

Copyright 2014 by J.T Jackson

Smashwords Edition

Smashwords Edition, License Notes Thank you for downloading this ebook. You are welcome to share it with your friends.This book may be reproduced, copied and distributed for non-commercial purposes,provided the book remains in its complete original form. If you enjoyed this book, please return to your favorite ebook retailer to discover other works by this author. Thank you for your support.

This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, businesses, places, events and incidents are either the products of the author's imagination or used in a fictitious manner. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, or actual events is purely coincidental.

For my best friend,

and my Mother

Thank you both for your support

and love
Table of contents

Chapter One

Chapter Two

Chapter Three

Chapter Four

Chapter Five

Chapter Six

Chapter Seven

Chapter Eight

Chapter Nine

Chapter Ten

Chapter Eleven

Chapter Twelve

Chapter Thirteen

Chapter Fourteen

Chapter Fifteen

Chapter Sixteen

Chapter Seventeen

Chapter Eighteen

Chapter Nineteen

Chapter Twenty

Chapter Twenty-One

Chapter Twenty-Two

Chapter Twenty-Three

Chapter Twenty-Four

Chapter Twenty-Five

Chapter Twenty-Six

Chapter Twenty-Seven

Chapter Twenty-Eight

Chapter Twenty-Nine

Chapter Thirty

Chapter Thirty-One

Chapter Thirty-Two

Chapter Thirty-Three

Chapter Thirty-Four

Chapter Thirty-Five

Author Thanks

Author Bio

Live by the Sun, Love by the Moon

Book Two Preview:

Counting
Chapter One

My life hasn't always been so damn complicated. There was a time, a long, long time ago when it was simpler. But those days are gone. Most of the time now, I'm busting my ass just to make it by. Working two jobs and being a full time student isn't a easy task. Worrying about stuff most 19 year olds just don't have to.

This man in a weird, funny looking dark blue sweater and a bad comb over was standing at the front. He looked impatient already. I walk over and before I can even ask what can I get him, he starts saying his order.

"Hello, can I get a white chocolate mocha with caramel. And a blue berry muffin."

As soon as he's done saying the order I start making it since it seems like he has somewhere really important to be.

"Ok, one white chocolate mocha with carmel and a..."

"No, no, caramel. I asked for caramel."

"Sir, that's what I said, one white chocolate mocha with carmel. Carmel, caramel, it's the same."

"No, it isn't actually, Carmel is actually the name of several different cities and towns all across the country and the world, including places like New York, California, West Australia and El Carmel in Spain, where as caramel, is a confectionery product made by heating any of a variety of sugars. And is used as flavoring in puddings, ice creams or by itself either as a solid like caramel squares or a sauce, like the kind I want on my coffee."

This guy is crazy. He just took me through a history of Carmel or caramel whatever.

"We'll aren't you just a little Wikipedia? Look, sir, I've had a pretty long week and I could really give two shits about how to pronounce Carmel or caramel or camel. My point is either you want the damn coffee or you don't."

He gets really quiet but doesn't move. So I assume he still wants it.

"That will be 4.36." I say with a fake smile. He hands me exact change, grabs the coffee and muffin and walks away.

"Have a nice day sir!" Working at the coffeehouse is almost the worst job ever. I think I rather shove shit off the side of the street. I deal with caffeine addicts all day, crazy tips and terrible hours.Or terrible tips and crazy hours. Five in the morning to nine in the morning. Then I have school, 10:15 to 3:00pm and then my second job. It's a repeating cycle and it never changes.

I change out of my uniform and get dressed for school. I see Lisa in the locker room, getting ready for her shift.

"Lulu, I haven't seen you all week, Where you been?" She reaches over and hugs me.

"You know, work and stuff... How have you been?" I ask back.

"You know. Same as always tired. The baby has been keeping me up, everyone up actually. I think my mom is actually gonna kick us out for it."

"Haven't you and Tommy been saving money for your own place?" I try not to get too involved with my co-workers business. Especially living situations. It starts off as a simple how you doing, then they start talking about getting kicked out of their place and eventually they're asking you if they can stay for a few days. Which turned into weeks then months, then years.

"Yeah we are, but you know how stuff can be. You think you're getting on top and then a new bill comes or something needs to be fixed, the car needs gas, the baby has a cold. It's hard. I didn't really imagine this life for myself at 19."

"Tell me about it."

I know where their money is going. I just didn't have the heart to tell Lisa. But I see Tommy at the club every single Friday with a stack of ones in his pocket. Of course I want to tell her. She's one of the few people I would consider a friend. But in order to bust him, I'll have to tell on myself, and I'm not prepared for that yet. Me and Tommy have a mutual understanding about the club. What happens there, stays there. Like Vegas.

I finished getting dressed and grabbed my stuff. I told Lisa I'll see her tomorrow and I left. I walked to the back of the shop where we have to park our cars. Someone was sitting by mine. It's a man. Or a boy. I couldn't see his face. His back was turned to me and all I could see was brown hair and a leather jacket. I walk up to it slowly, he didn't see me though. All I could see was the back of his head and then, he turned around. It's Toby.

Chapter Two

"Hey." He says.

I pause. I don't move or say anything. Me and Toby use to be best friends. The best. We did everything together. From the time we met when we were ten to 16. He was a party boy and I was a study girl. I loved him, like truly loved him, but he said he just didn't feel that way about me. After that, I was crushed But I got over it. We stopped hanging out as much and talking, but we were fine.Until one day I went to a birthday party for our friend Maggie, he was drunk and started talking about how I poured my heart out to him, calling me pathetic and how I was a loser and so dumb to think a boy like him would ever give a girl like me a chance. I just remember everyone laughing at me. I became a joke. Soon everyone at school knew and it got so bad, I just left all together. That was a little over a year ago and I haven't talked to him since. And now he's sitting on my car.

"Well aren't you gonna say something?" He says to me.

"No." I walked to my car and open the door. He holds it open while I tried to close it.

"Please, Luna, let me explain please."

"I really don't have time, I have to go to school."

"Tonight then?"He pleads.

"I have work."

"Again? Didn't you just get off?"

"I have another job. What? Are you stalking me?" I closed the door and started the car. He started tapping on the window so I let it down.

"Meet me back here at 4. You'll have ten minutes to 'explain yourself.'" I closed the window and drove off.I hope I don't walk into class late because of him. I hate him. But I don't have time to think about that now.

Chapter Three

I get to school 5 minutes late. My teacher has already started the lecture. I take a seat in the back and pull out my notebook. I know he has noticed my late arrival. I've been late five times this month already, and it's only the 11th. Mr. Banks is a pretty nice teacher, but I don't want him to think I'm not taking this serious. He's the person I'm relying on to give me good recommendations. Plus, I think it's pretty important to pass your psychology class, if you plan on being, well a psychologist.

"Now we do not have class tomorrow but Wednesday is your exam, so make sure you study for it. That's all I got for today, class dismissed. Luna, can I speak to you please?"

I walk down to the front of the room to the desk. Mr Banks sat on the desk and waits for all the students to leave before he starts talking.

"Luna, how are you?" He starts off asking.

"I'm fine."

"Good. Well the reason I wanted to talk you is one, you came to class late... again. Two, I know you've been working really hard to make it on honor roll this semester. And I got some extra credit opportunities for you."

"Sure yeah. What is it?"

"Well, it's kinda like an internship as well. It's a 12 week program at Hanson and Smith law firm."

"A law firm? What will I be doing?"

"Well, I think you'll be doing work like a personal assistance."

"I can do that."

"I know you can, that's why I recommended you for the job."

"Well, thank you. When do I start?"

"Well, the job doesn't start till Monday, but it would be great if you can get down there between now and then. Just to introduce yourself and figure out what your getting into.

"Ok, Well I'll try to get over there tomorrow."

"Great. Good luck."

"Thank you."

"Oh, and Luna,"

I turn back around. He's sitting at his desk grading what I assume are test.

"You better show up for class on time from now on."

"Of course sir." I smile then leave.

This is great. I just need one more thing to do. I couldn't pass this up though. It would look really good on my transcripts and future resumes. But I'll have to take some time off from the coffee house. 12 weeks is a long time, but I'll work it out.

The rest of the day I was trying to plan out how I was going to make the next 12 weeks work out for me. After I was done with my classes, I went back to the coffee house and I saw Toby sitting inside. With two coffees on the table. When I walked in, he stood up and waited for me to sit. So now he wants to be a gentleman. Where the hell was that when he was ripping my heart out of my chest?

"I already ordered your drink. Triple espresso latte."

"Thanks." I take a sip of the coffee and put it back down.

I don't really drink coffee anymore, I can't stand it after I started working at the coffee house. Just the smell of it gets me.

"Ok." I say. I was already irritated. Even before he spoke.

"Ok, so I guess I just wanna start by saying, I'm sorry for the way things ended with us. You didn't deserve that."

"Yeah I know. Apology accepted. Thanks." I stand up to leave.

"Wait. Lu, please sit."

It's been so long since I've heard someone call me Lu. Toby is the only person that really does it.

"Toby, I really don't have anything else to say to you."

"Well, I do. I just... I want us to be back to the way we were."

"Toby, just so we understand each other. We will never be back to where we were. Ever. I kinda think you ruined that when you called me self absorbing control bitch."

"You have to admit, you use to have control issues."

He says with a smile. I don't find it very funny.

"You're still the same." I stand up one more time to leave, this time he stands up too.

"Luna, You don't understand. I need you right now. I know I haven't been there for you and I was a ass when I was but, right now, I need you."

I looked at him, and for a second, I almost see my old friend again. The boy I loved.

"Right after you said all that shitty stuff about me at that party. I hoped you would run after me and say something like that to me. That you really did feel the same way I did. The way it happens in the movies. But it didn't, because it wasn't a movie. It was real life, my real life. So when you didn't. I gave up. Not only on you. On everything I thought I wanted. Something snapped in me and I haven't been the same person since. I stopped trying to get people to love me. I stopped trying to keep people from walking out of my life. I just gave up. You were all I had left when my mom got sick and you didn't even care. If you of all people, the boy who was suppose to be my best friend didn't even care about me, who would? I just don't have time for people in my life that don't have anything to offer me anymore. I'm trying to better my life and myself. And honestly, you don't make me feel good about myself. Because every time I look at you, I go right back to being that little girl who you called pathetic. I don't wanna go back to that place. I'm moving forward. I had always hoped you would change my life. I just alway thought it was gonna be for the better."

He just sat there staring at me as I walked away. That was one of the hardest things that I have ever had to do. I wiped tears off my face trying to push them back. A piece of me, just died. One piece of many more to come.

Chapter Four

The club is packed tonight. There's at least three different birthdays and five different bachelor parties going on. It's one of our biggest nights in the last few weeks.

"500 bucks baby! Tonight is the night the tips are pouring in." Jamie says while walking into the dressing room.

"Destiny rose, you're after kitty." Jaime said to me while pulling glitter from her hair.

I finish putting on my makeup in a mirror I'm sharing with three other girls. Lacy Lenn. She has a two year old baby girl at home. She's one of the newest girls here. But she's a great dancer. Bobby Jean. She's been here for what seems like forever. She's everyones favorite. But getting a little old if you ask me. Still, men ask for her specifically. If she's not dancing and someone wants to see her, they pay extra just to get her to come in. She probably makes the most money here. Maybe 1500 a night, at least. And the other girl is Shyann. She really is shy. She doesn't talk much to anyone, but when she hits the floor, she lights up like a christmas tree.

I hear clapping and shouting and then the music change. That means Kitty is done and I'm on. I stand straight up from the mirror. I don't check myself out like the other girls do before I perform. Because at this time, I am a different person. I'm no longer Luna Stone. I become Destiny Rose. A strong independent brave woman.

I take my spot in the middle of the stage. The lights go pitch black. I take two breaths in and one out. Then the music starts. The lights come on and so does Destiny. My mind is disconnected from my body when I'm dancing. Like I'm another person. Those three minutes on the stage feel like forever most nights. I see green paper flying all around me. I feel it being tucked in the sides of my body. I hear the screams and shouts but mostly the music. It controls my body. I truly dance. The other girls make fun of me for it. Instead of doing the whole ass shaking booty clap same ol same old, I dance. Erotically but a little more than the rest. I think they like that sometimes. To see someone perform. Some of the men don't but hey, you can't please everyone.

At the end of my performance, I go back stage. Hot and tired. I have to get cleaned up and change to work the floor waitressing. 273 dollars I made. From one dance.

Out on the floor, things are a little different. The men don't look at you the same, or talk to you the same, or tip you the same. Even if I just got done performing five minutes before, the second that uniform goes on and the booty and boobies go away, you're invisible to them.

"Hey, I'm Destiny, I'll be your waitress for the night, what can I get the gentlemen at table number 14 tonight?"

"Can we just get a couple of pitchers of beer?"

"You got it, coming right up."

Most of the guys that come in here don't look as fancy as these guys. They had on suits and ties, like they just got off from work. I'm pretty sure most of them were married. I've learn how to point out the married guys from the single ones.

When I come back to the table with the beer, Candy is on the stage. They're all standing up pulling out ones. I try to put the beer on the table without one of them knocking it out of my hands. I go to the other side of the table where I don't see anyone. I place them on the table and then I hear a voice.

"Hey. Can I get a glass of water?"

It's a man. He's sitting not standing like the other men. He doesn't really seem to be enjoying the show. He was really cute. Beautiful skin, like a golden CARAMEL color. He had on a purple dress shirt with the first three buttons undone. The color matched him so perfectly. He didn't appear to be having as much fun as the other guys.

"Yeah, of course." I smile.

I got to the bar. Rex is working the bar tonight. He always tries to hold conversation with me while I'm working the floor.

"Hey Rex, can I get a glass of water?"

"Yeah, you did good tonight. Seemed a little off, but it was still good."

"Thanks, just got some things going on."

He hands me the glass.

"Wanna talk about it?" He asks with a smile.

"Not right now. Working." I take the glass and walk back to table number 14.

"Here you go sir. One glass of water. Let me know if ya'll need anything else." He takes the glass and smiles. I go to serve a few more tables before I go outside for my break.

I go out to the front and pull out a cigarette. I feel around my pocket for a lighter before I realize I don't have it on me. Before I can turn around and go back inside to get it, a hand appears in front of my face with a lit lighter. I pulled my cigarette to it and inhale. The light disappears. I turn to see who the hand belongs to. It's the guy from table number 14.

"You know, smoking is bad for you." He says in all seriousness.

"So is getting in peoples business." I say matter-of-factly.

"I can't help it, it's what I do." He put both of his hands into his coat pocket.

"What? Getting in people's business?"

"Yeah." He says. I just nod my head.

I stand up against the wall. He takes a couple of steps up. Closer to the road. Like he's looking for someone or a car maybe. Then his cell phone rings and he answers it.

"Yeah.... I'm right outside, I don't see you." He pauses and looks around, then comes closer to me.

"Excuse me, what is the address?"

"It's, um... 427 Sky Road."

I hear him repeat the address back to who ever he's speaking to on the phone. And then he hangs up.

"Thanks."

"Yeah. You leaving your friends? The night is still young?"

"Yeah, It's not really my scene. No offense ."

"None taken." I drop the cigarette to the ground and step on it a few times.

"Not really mine either." I say and head back to the door.

"Thanks for the light." Then I go back inside. My shift is almost over. Thank goodness. I still got to get up and go to the law office in the morning. I just hope I'm not too tired.

When my shift is over, I go to the bar to count my tips. 48 bucks. That brings my total to 321. Not too bad. Tonight I wasn't even my best. But I guess that's a plus side of working here, even if you're not the prettiest or the sexiest, you're bound to make some kind of money. Drunk guys would shove money at anyone half naked and dancing for them.

The drive home was kinda hard. I had to fight just to keep myself awake. I blasted the air conditioner and turned up the music. But it wasn't helping much. I just drove a little slower than normal just to be safe.

I was so happy to finally get home. Today was a long day. I don't have to work the club or go to school tomorrow, but I still gotta get up and work the coffee house. I'm gonna have to pull some double shifts somewhere though, because working at the law firm, I won't be making any money off of an internship.

The second my head hit the pillow, I was out. Like a light.

Chapter Five

I Parked my car in the garage of the firm. I take the elevator to the 8th floor. That's where I need to be. My interview is going to be with Mr.Ian Hanson. I'm going to be his assistant. When I get to the floor. I see a woman sitting at a desk. I walk over to her, assuming I need to check in or something.

"Hello, how can I help you?" She ask me.

"Hi, I have an interview with Ian Hanson?"

She punched some numbers and letters into the computer and clicked around.

"Luna Stone?"

"Yes."

"That's a beautiful name. What does Luna mean?"

"Moon." I say. Kinda confused. I just always assumed that people knew that. But I guess I was wrong.

"Your name is Moon Stone?" She giggles a little. Almost like she's mocking me.

"Yeah." I said straight faced.

"Well, Mr.Hanson will be with you shortly, you can take a seat Miss Moon Stone." Now I'm sure she's mocking me. I take a deep breath, put on a fake smile and walk over to the chairs. There was no one else in the office. It was really quite. No, tv's or radios to block out the silence. I picked up one of those crappy magazine they leave in offices for waiting people to read. I just flip through the pages. After about five minutes I hear someone enter the room. But a wall is blocking my view.

"Mr. Hanson, Miss Luna Stone is here to see you."

The man comes from behind the wall and now I can see him. Though I wish I hadn't. It's the guy from the club last night. Dressed in an all over black suit with a baby blue shirt that matched his tie. I stand up to shake his hand. He does the same.

"Hello, Miss Stone. Pleasure to meet you."

"You too Mr. Hanson." I say nervously. He stares at me for a moment like he just remembered something and then shakes his head and smiles.

"Follow me."

We walk down a long hallway. The walls are covered with awards. Some to individuals and some for the whole firm. A few pictures of groups of men. I assume that all work here.

We reach a door and he opens it and lets me in first. The room is dark and poorly lit. Two tall lamps in two corners of the room and a small one on the desk are all that lights up the room.

"Please, sit." He gestures to a chair.

I take a seat in the black leather chair that stood in front of the desk where he sat at. He pulled out a folder from the desk and placed it on the desk and opened it.

"So, Miss Stone, Mr. Banks Highly recommended you for this position. He says nothing but great things about you."

I'm still holding my breath and wonder if he remembers me from last night. I just hold a smile on my face, trying not to let that escape.

"I trust him that he knows what kind of people we are looking for to work here and that he would only recommend serious applicants." He looks me up and down then smiles a little. I'm pretty sure he remembers. Just by his whole demeanor. I'm pretty good at reading body language.

"This is a very demanding job. And very interesting for someone who wants to expand into law business someday. Now I understand that your studying for psychology, but nonetheless, We want to make sure our time is being used in the most effective way possible when bringing in new people to our office. So you can understand my shock when I saw you here just now."

Yeah, he remembers. I straighten up, preparing myself to leave.

"Yeah. I understand. Well thanks anyway." I stand up and walked towards the door.

"Wait, Miss Stone," I turn and stand facing him.

He gestures me to sit back down.

"I didn't mean to offend you."

"Really?"

He laughed a little. I sit in the chair more relaxed now. Knowing that I probably won't get the job.

"Alright, maybe that was me being judgmental. I shouldn't have done that, and I will like to apologize."

I don't say anything, and he continues talking. Almost like the last couple of minutes didn't happen.

"So, basically the job consists of daily agendas. Chances are you won't be doing the same thing everyday. Somedays you might need to take notes at a meeting for me, somedays you might have to hold A meeting for me. Filling out paperwork, filing, things like that. Some days you might be asked to stay longer hours. Somedays you might get to go home early, it depends solely on the work load for that day. We move at a pretty fast pace here." I just stare at him blankly. I'm not even sure if I really want to be here right now.

"As you know, this is an internship, so there is no pay, but working at a law firm is an impressive thing to put on a resume. Also, if any positions open up while you are working your internship that you qualify for, you will have first chance to apply for it. Do you have any questions?"

"Nope." I shouldn't be acting like this, but he assumed because of where I work that I wouldn't take this job serious. I've had people my whole life tell me I wasn't good enough for something. That I would never make it anywhere. That I would never finish high school, or get into college. Now, I still have people judging me on something that I don't do because I want to, but because I have to.

"Now, I'm assuming the hours and time will work out ok. Mr. Banks tells me that you just had your finals at school and that you were planning to cut back your hours at your job at the coffee house?"

"Yes."

"And what about your... Other job?"

I sigh a little and breathe. He's staring at me. It's only now that I actually look at his face. I realized that before I was never really looking at him. He's young. Really young. Not a wrinkle on his face. I noticed his hazel eyes and how perfectly they fit with his skin tone. He has his hands folded together and sitting on his desk. Then I looked around and saw the pictures around the room. Pictures of him and a woman. Girlfriend I assume. I look at his hand and I didn't see a ring. In all of them it's him and the same woman. Long Blonde hair, big boobs. Probably fake. She looked like a barbie doll. I didn't really take him to be the type.

"My other job shouldn't interfere."

"I told you nights mights be required."

"Well, if need-be, I can take some time off from there as well."

He seems shock at my respond and he sits back in his chair.

"May I ask you a personal question, Miss Stone?"

"Sure."

"How old are you?"

"I'm 19."

"You are a young and brightly intelligent young lady, from what I've been told, Why do you choose to work at such a demeaning, derogative place?"

"Can I ask you a question? Why were you there? I'm sure your... Girlfriend wouldn't be to happy that you were hanging out at such a "demeaning" place."

He doesn't say anything, so I continue.

"I don't work there because I want to, and I sure as hell don't work there for the free beer. I work there because it gets the bills paid. Coffee house minimum wage and shitty tips just don't cut it when you have to pay rent and gas and hospital bills."

I pick my purse up from the floor and stand up again. Determined to leave this time.

"Thank you for your time Mr. Hanson, But you and I both know that I'm probably not fit for this job right now. Have a good afternoon."

I walk out the door and went straight to the elevator.

That didn't go exactly how I thought it would. When I stepped into the elevator, I pulled my hair out of my pony tail and let it sit on my shoulders. And take off my dress jacket. Standing there in a pink short belly showing tank top. I just got really hot. Before the doors fully closed, a hand stopped them. I know that hand. It's him. He steps into the elevator with me and presses G. I stand up against the elevator walls. Avoiding all eye contact with him. He's really getting on my nerves right now.

"You know, people don't usually talk to me like that." He puts both of his hands in his pocket.

"Shocker." I say.

"I think you should reconsider." He says to me. Staring up at the ceiling.

"What?"

"On taking the position. I think you would be perfect for it." I see him studying me up and down, looking at my new outfit.

"Are you sure? You think a low class whore like me can fit into a Wall Street world like this?"

"I never said that."

"You didn't have to, I'm studying psychology remember? I know what people mean just by their body language."

The doors to the elevator open up and I step outside. He follows behind me.

"I just wouldn't want you to pass up an opportunity like this because I didn't choose my words carefully."

"I think you chose your words just fine. You said exactly how you feel. You were being honest."

"That's not what I meant. Look. Please. Just, at least come in on Monday, go through the day and see if you like it."

I want to know why he's pushing this so hard right now. When we first started, he so much but told me I shouldn't be there and now he's begging me to stay. I reach my car and get inside before I answer him.

"I'll think about it." And I closed the door and drove off, leaving him standing in the middle of the garage. I'm not really mad, like I said, I've dealt with this my whole life. But it just kinda sucks. I was excited to start this. I don't really have time to think about it though. I have to go over to the hospital to see my mother.

Chapter Six

When I get there she's just lying in bed, looking up at the tv so hard, she doesn't even notice I'm there. I knock on the door twice. She looks over and sees me.

"Hey baby girl." She smiles weakly.

"Hey ma. How you feeling today?"

"Oh, you know, same. How you doing baby?"

"I'm all right. Working and school."

"You gonna kill yourself one day with as much as you work baby."

"Yeah, but at least I'll die with the bills paid." She tried to laugh but starts coughing instead.

"Have you had your medicine today yet?"

"Yeah, the lady just came in here and gave it to me. I told them to stop bothering with it."

"Mama, you need it though. It's...."

"It anit making me better. It's keeping me the same. I wish they just let me die already."

"Mama, don't say that."

"Baby girl, I'm done fighting. I'm tired. I'm just ready to go."

She starts coughing again. She takes my hand and places it in hers.

"I'm done Luna . I anit got it in me anymore."

"What did the doctors say?"

"They say a month, maybe two left."

Tears start streaming down my face. The thought of my mother not being around cuts inside of me like a thousand razor blades. She was such a strong woman. She did her best to give me everything she could. It wasn't much but she did what she could. She was so beautiful. Fully round face. Beautiful skin. It was a couple of shades darker than mine but it had a glow about it. Her hair was black and curly that would bounce when she moved. Now, she's thin and weak. Her skin has no color to it. Her hair doesn't shine. Almost Like her life was being sucked from the inside of her.

I stayed at the hospital for about an hour. The doctor came in and said she needed to rest. After that, I just drove home and sat there. I didn't want to think about what my mother just said to me. I don't want to think that she really is ready to give up on life. But because I can't stop my mind from wondering, I just find something new to think about.I start thinking about what Mr. Hanson said. Maybe I should go in on Monday. Just to check it out. Maybe he'll have a better attitude by then. Maybe I overreacted a little. I mean, I can't really be mad at him for doubting my professional abilities when he knows what I do for a living. Part time anyway.

I take a shower and just block everything out of my mind for the rest of the night. I really just need some sleep. I climb into my bed, drained from the day, when my phone rings. It's from a blocked number. I usually don't answer them, but it's 10:30 at night and I'm sure it's not a bill collector.

"Hello." No respond.

"Hello." I say again, a little more irritated.

"Hey Lu, it's Toby."

Omg. What now?

"What do you want Toby?" As if I care.

"Do you think you can come pick me up?" He's talking in a low voice. Almost like there's fear in it.

"What? What's wrong? Where are you?"

"I'm at a store on 67th and Wallace."

"Why are you calling me to come get you?"

I'm trying not to sound too mean but the guy just decided to pop back up and I'm the person he calls to pick him up late at night.

"Luna, please, I.. I got into some bad shit ok, and I just need a ride."

Bad shit? I got enough shit in my life, I don't need bad shit too.

"Dammit Toby I'm coming. Be there in ten minutes." I slip out of the bed and put my shoes on. I stay in my pjs and just throw my coat on over it.

When I get to the store, which is more like a gas station, I see Toby standing near the road. I honk my horn twice and he comes right over and gets in the car.

"What the hell Toby?"

"I'm sorry, I didn't know who else to call."

"What's going on?"

"Nothing. I don't wanna get you into."

"You called me while I was about to get into the bed at 10:30 at night to pick you up from a gas station, I'm in it already."

"This guy, I owed this guy money."

"Shit Toby. Are you gambling again?"

"It was just one game, my dude told me I had it."

"What, was he gonna kick your ass?"

"Said he was gonna get his crew. Let them do it for him."

When Toby gets upset, I can really hear his New York accent come out. It was one of the things I liked most about him. And his gambling was one that I hated. He had a real big problem with it back in high school. Got kicked out twice for betting on basketball and football games.

"Look Lu, I'm sorry for dragging you out."

"Whatever. Where am I dropping you off at."

We stop at a stop light. The streets are clear tonight. Not many cars out. A lot of people don't come this way at night. It isn't exactly safe.

Toby is quiet for a few seconds after I ask my question. I look over at him, about to ask again, and he just looks up at me. I already know, before he even says it.

"No, no Toby."

"Just one night. That's all I need. I'm sure I can get the money by tomorrow to pay the dudes off and pay my rent."

"You got rent due?"

"That's the money that I lost."

I smacked my steering wheel and the light turns green.

"Dammit Toby! What the hell? Where you gonna get the money from? You got a job? Is tomorrow pay day? How much did you lose?" I'm almost screaming now. I feel my face getting hot and my hands are sweating.

"Almost five grand."

"Five thousand dollars Toby?"

"Calmar al bebé" Toby says

"No Toby, don't tell me to calm down. You did this shit on purpose."

"Lu, you know I anit like that. I handle my own, you know that."

"No, you bury yourself in more shit you than you can dig yourself out of and then you call me. That's the way it's always been. You know, you gonna mess around with the wrong guys one day and you gonna get yourself killed. You know what, forget it Whatever."

I didn't talk to him for the rest of the ride home. I really didn't have anything to say to him.

We get to my house and I go straight to my room and slam the door. My mind is racing. He know I'm the kind of person that helps people with their problems. That's why he called me. I don't want to help him, but I don't know how not to. I go under my bed and pull out a shoe box. It's where I keep my extra dollars in case of an emergency. I've been saving it mostly for mom. In case she needs something the insurance won't cover. I got about ten grand saved in the box alone. I pull out the wad of money and start counting. I count off 5000 dollars and put the rest back in the box. I walk back out of the living room and Toby is laying on the couch staring up at the wall.

"Here." I throw the money on the table in front of him.

"You need to be gone before I get up in the morning."

"Luna,wait. Por favor!"

"I'm done waiting Toby. I'm done helping you. You have never done anything for me Toby. Nothing. But break my heart. And still you beg me to help you. I'm done with it."

"I'm sorry."

"Yeah you are. You better be gone when I get up."

I go back to my room and get into the bed. I feel kinda bad that I had to treat him that way, but he won't learn another way.

I had a hard time falling asleep. I don't know why. My mind was just racing a million miles a minute and I couldn't focus on just one thing. Thinking about My mother saying she wants to die. My current and future career choices. Toby. Well, tomorrow is another day and I'm sure all of these problems will be there too.

-

When I get up in the morning Toby is gone. I go over to the couch and he left a note on the table. It's in Spanish. Good thing I was totally obsess with him in high school. It forced me to take Spanish all four years just so I could hold a conversation with him.

"Lo siento. Enfermo encontrar otra manera de conseguir el dinero. Gracias"

"I'm sorry," it says,

"I'll find another way to get the money. Thanks."

Inside of the letter is my five thousand dollars. He didn't take it. He said he'll find another way. And then I start thinking. I hope he doesn't do something stupid. He has an act for going to do stupid things in desperate times. I hate that I care so much, I just do.

Chapter Seven

"So, what do you like?" Ian asked me.

"Anything really, I'm not a picky person."

"I am."

"Really? No." I say sarcastically. He pushed a button on the elevator and we start moving down.

"Don't judge me."

"No. Of course not." I laughed.

"Did you drive here?"

"Yeah."

"Well, we'll take my car anyway."

He pushes a button on his keys and in the distant I can see two red lights flash. We get up to the car and it's an all black Camaro zl1 convertible. Looked brand new.

"Wow, nice."

"You know what this is?"

"Of course, it a zl1 Camaro convertible. Supercharged V8 engine, 580 horsepower."

"You know cars?"

He walks over to the side I'm standing on and opens the door. I slowly step inside.

"Of course." I'm in total awe. Some people might not find it to be, but for me, it's a dream.

"I mean, I know a little about cars. I use to have a friend that raced them. The Camaro has always been my favorite."

"Liz wouldn't know a Camaro from a Mustang."

I'm still looking all around the car. All black leather. Tech center on the dashboard.

"She's real good at notices the different between a 500 dollar bottle of wine from a 1300 dollar bottle."

"She's got skills."

"Yeah. I guess you could call it that. So where to?"

"Where ever."

"Ok, you've ever been too Meraviglioso?"

"I don't think I can pronounce it."

"It's, well, wonderful. It's Italian for wonderful. It's really good."

"Cool, ok."

"Do you eat out a lot."

"Not at any places that don't have drive thru windows."

"... I see."

"What?"

" Um?"

" What do you see?"

"Oh, nothing I just mean, you're a busy woman working your jobs you know and balancing school, you probably don't get a lot of time you know to enjoy simple things like having a proper meal."

"True, I don't get a lot of time to lavish myself in fine wines and cheeses but I eat properly. Maybe not to your standards but to most."

"To my standards? Miss Stone, I think your perception of me might be a little off." He looks at me between words and the road.

"Really now? I don't think so. Pay attention to the road."

"I just don't think we've spent enough time for you to already be judging what kind of person I am."

"You mean the way you did me the other day?"

"I apologized for that."

"Doesn't change the fact that you said it."

"But it is supposed to cancel itself out."

"Hanson.."

"Ian."

"Fine! Whatever, Ian. You have to understand, I'm not one of you business clause or proposition or whatever, I'm a human being. And just because you try to cancel or retract a statement or comment, doesn't change that fact that you said it in the first place. I have feelings and emotions and you kinda hurt them last week."

I'm not really as sensitive as I'm playing out to be. It's just kinda fun messing with him. Everything I said though is true. He tends to treat me like I'm some piece of paper he can write all over. Cross out and rewrite.

"Well, I apologize again for that." He smiles at me and I throw a fake one back. I'm the queen at fake smiles.

We get to the restaurant and it's a small cafe looking place. It looks like something from Italy. It's beautiful.

He parks the car and gets out to open my door.

"Thank you."

The inside of the restaurant is even more beautiful than the outside. It has a modern chic vibe to it. The room was full with soft golden lights.

When we walk in, a waiter comes right up to us.

" Hey Ian. Haven't seen you in a while."

" Hey Brian, I've been busy working on this proposal for my dad."

"Yeah, so just you two today?" He looks at me up and down and then back at Ian with a smirk.

"She's my new intern, treating her to lunch on her first day."

"Yeah, ok. Follow me."

We get seated right by the window. The table is draped with a white cloth with a flower center piece. Simple.

"What can I get you both to drink?"

"I'll take a glass of white wine." Ian says

"I'll have water, thank you."

"Ok, I'll be right back with that, order when your ready."

"Do you not drink?" Ian asked me while looked at the menu.

"Well honestly, I do but not in public, you know the whole underage thing."

"Right, I almost forgot, you're..."

"19."

"Right. You're so independent."

"I had to grow up kinda fast."

" Most kids these days do. I remember when I was your age..."

"You were passing bar exams?" He looks up from his menu and stares at me. Before he got a chance to say anything, the waiter came back with our drinks.

"Here you go. White wine. And a water. You ready to order?"

"Give us a few more minutes."

"Ok."

"Actually what I was going to say is, when I was your age I was working here. And how do you know when I passed the bar?"

"I googled you." I take a sip of my water.

"I don't know rather to be flattered or frighten."

"Neither, I did it purely for informational purposes."

"What else did you find out about me?" He was really curious.

"Nothing special." I take another sip of water. He was still looking at me like I was going to say something else. Then he puts his menu down on the table.

"I'm ready to order. You?" He looks at me and ask.

"I honestly haven't even looked at the menu."

I whisper to myself. I take a quick glance at it before the waiter comes back around.

"What would you like?" The waiter looks to me first.

"Um, can I get a salmon salad."

"Yes. Any dressing?"

"Um, no thank you."

"Ok, and you sir?"

"Get me the chicken Alfredo fettuccine with no cheese."

"Ok."

"You don't like cheese."

"I have an intolerance to it."

"Like your allergic to it?"

"Well, being allergic to it would mean it would have an abnormal reaction to my immune system. I'm just intolerant to it, meaning my body cannot properly digest it due to a lactose intolerance."

"Do you ever talk like a normal person? Like ever?"

"I am speaking to you normally right now."

"No you're not. You sound like you're reading from a cue card." I look behind me to check and make sure he wasn't.

"I do not understand."

"See, you did it, just now. 'I do not understand'. Most people would just be like, I don't know what you're talking about. I don't understand. Not I do not understand."

"It is just the way I was taught to speak."

"Remind me again how old are you?"

"22."

"You're 22 years old."

"I will be 23 next month."

"And you talk like a 50 year old man. You're so up tight. Do you ever let go? You know just let loose?"

"Meaning, what exactly?" He looks confused.

"Like relax. Do you ever just watch a game or go to the movies, just chill?"

"No."

"Wow."

"I mean. I could do those things. I'm just always busy. Building up my future."

"Your future will always be your future. And if you spend today trying to build up your future, you'll miss yesterday."

"I don't follow."

"Ok, let me break it down. Tomorrow is the future. What it holds, no one knows. You can't change that. Yesterday already happened, you can't change that either. But today. The moment right in front of you is the only thing in your life you have control over. So, if you spend all your time worrying and planning for something that can change at any moment, you won't have time to worry about today, because it will have already past, becoming your yesterday."

"I see. What you're saying is, I should be an in the moment kind of guy?"

"Right."

"I don't know how."

The waiter comes back and puts our food on the table.

" Let me know if you need anything else."

" What do you suggest? On how I can relax?"

" Umm... Just do it. Don't over-think it. lets say, you're at home and you just got done with a stack of papers, what do you do next?"

I take a knife and fork and cut my salmon into tiny pieces and mix it in with my salad.

" I usually start on another assignment."

" See, so tonight or tomorrow, whatever, next time you're at home working and you finish something. Don't start working again. Watch a tv show or read a book or something instead."

" Just like that?"

" Just like that, you're over thinking it man." I take a bite of my salad and it is amazing. Chilled with warm meat. Juice and full of flavor. I should go out to eat more.

" Miss Stone, I'm impressed."

"... For the millionth time, Lulu, call me Lulu."

"Oh, excuse me, I forgot. Lulu. Lulu. Luna is an interesting name. How did you get it?" He has now started eating his food.

"From my mother."

"Ha, not exactly what I meant."

"Well, my mother was obsess with roman mythology. And her favorite was of the goddess Luna. The goddess of the moon. She says the moon was full when I was born. The biggest she had ever seen. Then shortly after I was born, she said there was a lunar eclipse. When the sun moved behind the moon. Sun. Solar. Sol a roman god of the sun in mythology. That's how I got the name Luna Sol. Which is actually my first name."

"Luna Sol?"

"Yep." I take another bit of my salad.

"So your name translates to moon sun?"

"Yep"

He lets out a little giggle and sips his wine.

"What?"

"It kind of sounds like..." He pauses

"Sounds like what? A stripper name?"

"Yeah."

"Yeah, I know. How ironic right."

The rest of lunch we don't talk much. The waiter comes and clears our table and brings us the bill. I reach out to grab it, but his hand stops me.

"I've got it." He slides it closer to him.

"Let me pay for mine." I grab back at the bill.

"I invited you, remember?"

"I can pay for my own food."

"I am sure you can." He sticks a credit card into the leather holder and ushers the waiter. He comes over and takes it.

I roll my eyes.

"Thank you... I guess."

"You're welcome. Now was that hard?"

"Harder than you can imagine. I will pay you back."

" No need."

"Oh, I know, but I will." I give him a little smirk.

The waiter comes back with his card and receipt. And then we leave.

Chapter Eight

The rest of the day at the office was quiet. I spent most of the time organizing my notes from the morning. It's very tedious work. But when five o clock came. I was ready to go.

"Thank you for your work today Miss Stone. Make sure you're prepared for tomorrow's meeting."

"Yeah, ok. Thanks."

He walks me out of the office and to the elevator. I step inside.

"It's been a pleasure, see you tomorrow morning."

"Bye." The doors close in front of me. I got straight home and got ready for work. I took some time off from the coffee house so I could work at the office. After my three weeks of vacation is gone, I'll switch my hours to evenings. Until then, I'm working late afternoons at the club waitressing until I dance.

My shift started at 5:30, but I got there at 5:50. Angel, one of the other waitress starts fussing at me the second I walked through the door.

"Damn Lulu, you were supposed to be here right at 5:30. Paige is sick and tables are getting backed up."

"Sorry."

"You're always sorry. Don't be sorry, just have you ass up here when your supposed to."

"Angel, chill."

"Don't tell me to chill. I'm employee of the month and I'm responsible for the way we look."

"Get out of my face." I step to her and say, then walk away.

I pick up a notepad and walk over to a table.

"Patiently waiting." I heard one of the women say when I walked up.

"Hi, sorry for the wait. What can I get for y'all?"

It's a table full of women. We don't get many of them in here.

"We've been waiting for 10 minutes for some service."

"I'm sorry, were just a little backed up today."

"Well that's not a good enough excuse to have us waiting, we pay our money to come here and..."

"Are you gonna order something or just bitch at me. Because I can come back later for that."

She gasped. Surprised I guess.

"I want to speak to your manager. We will not be talked to that way."

"Well, he's right over there, by the bar, my name is Angel and tell him how disrespectful I have been."

The women get up for the table and walk over to the bar.

I probably shouldn't have done that, but Angel just pissed me off.

I work a few tables, trying to keep out of the path of Alan, my boss and Angel, in case he's already talk to her about her "rude" behavior to our customers.

Before I know it, it's nine o'clock and time for me get up on stage. I'm so tired. I hope I don't fall off stage. Or the pole. But when the music hits, my energy is pumped up and I'm ready to go.

Tips weren't amazing tonight but good enough. When I got home I stuck the 150 dollars in my money box. I take a shower and drag myself into the bed. Before I know it. I'm out.

-

"Ok, so are we sure were going to pitch this? I mean it's a valet reason but we might be missing something." Ian says standing in front of everyone in the room.

"We studied this all day yesterday. I think we have a solid point. There's not many ways to get around it. It's all written."

Ian starts tapping the side of the table with his pen. He occasionally glances at me whiles he's talking, like he wants me to confirm what he's saying. All the people in the meeting are old men. Well, maybe not old, just not that young. 40 and up. I'm the youngest and the only female. I'm sitting at the end of the table farthest from everyone. Ian told me to just sit and observe and take notes.

I'm writing something down and I heard Ian talking. Then I hear him call out my name.

"Luna." He says again. My head pops up.

"Can you please repeat to the board what you said to me yesterday about Mr. Jones?" I stop for a beat, then start shuffling through my papers to my notes from yesterday.

"Um... Well, over a two week period that the money was stolen. Mr. Jones was on a vacation. And was reported making big purchases."

"The man owns a business. A successful one." One of the men at the end of the table said, interrupting me.

"True, but the money wasn't coming from his direct account. It was being withdrawed from another account. A females account."

"His wife maybe?" Another man said.

"Not his wife."

I stand up now, so they know that I'm talking.

"The money was being deposited and withdrawed from a Debra Williams. I'm not sure what their relationship is. Mistress, friend. But I do know that she is one of his former employees. Fired by none other than Mr. Sean Andrews. He said she was changing people's time cards and cutting vacation. Pocketing money."

I sit back down. The room quiet. Ian gives me a little wink. I smile back. Everyone started whispering to each other. Then the voices got louder and louder. Some agreed with me, others didn't.

"We will conclude this meeting. sometime next week. Thank you." Everyone got up from their seats and started making their way to the door. I remained seated, like Ian did until we were the only two left. I got up from my seat and sat across from him.

"Great job on your first meeting."

"Thank you. I was nervous. Everyone didn't agree."

"That's what happens 99 percent of the time. Barely anyone agrees with each other. It just doesn't happen."

"Why not?"

"Well. I believe it is because,we have cases like this. And we have six to ten people working on the same case, people are just bound to see something differently. Some are fighting for Jones, others are fighting for Andrews. And then a few are like me. Neutral. Just wanting the truth."

"Well, I hope you find the truth."

"We. You hope we find the truth. We are a team Luna. Your insight on this is unbelievable."

"Thank you."

He paused for a second

"You know what, you have done so well, you take the rest of the day off."

"Are you sure?" I asked already packing up my stuff.

"Yeah, I've got to drop Liz off at the airport."

"Where's she going?"

"California."

"What's she gonna do there?"

"Spend my money." He looks so serious at first, but then he lets out a little laugh. Something he doesn't do much of.

"Well, ok. I'll see you tomorrow then." He stands up to open the door for me.

"Until tomorrow." He says.

The words ring in my ear, even after I'm down the long hallway and into the elevator. Echoing."Until tomorrow." Something about it. I don't know what. It just keeps replaying in my mind.

Chapter Nine

It has been three weeks since I started working for Ian. I've really gotten into a flow. We're still working on the Jones/Andrews case. We've had two more meeting since our first, and more people are starting to see my point of view. Me and Ian both have our faces buried in papers right now. We got some new information about the case yesterday and we've been trying to work it out. We started at nine and haven't stopped since. It's almost 2:30. I pop my head up and Ian follows right behind me.

"So, maybe we should take a break?" I ask questionably."

"Yeah. I think a break would be good right now. Lunch?"

"Sure."

"Where to? Meraviglioso?"

"No, we just went there last week."

"Where then?"

"How about McDonald's" A big smile comes across my face. I know he doesn't eat at places normal people do. Only the best of the best.

He looks unsure before answering.

"Ok."

When we get there he stares at the menu with such confusion.

"What you gonna get?" I ask him. Nudging him a little.

"I don't know. What's good here? What do you recommend?"

"Well, for you sir, I would recommend the Big Mac."

"And what does that consist of?"

I've never explained what a Big Mac was before.

"It's like two hamburger patties with pickles and lettuce and onions, cheese with their 'secret sauce'. All on three buns."

"That doesn't sound very healthy."

"That's because it isn't. Get it!"

"What are you getting?"

"I am going to get... A quarter pounder with cheese."

The line moves and it's our turn to order.

"Hi, what can I get you today?"

"Can we get a number one with a diet coke, a number two with cheese and a regular coke and two Oreo mcflurries?"

"Is that for here or to go?"

"To go?" I say but also with question in my voice. I look back at Ian to make sure he was ok with it.

"Ok your total is 18.95."

I see Ian pull out his wallet, and I push his hand back down.

"I got this." I pull out a 20 dollar bill and hand it to the cashier. She hands me back 1.05 and tells us our order will be up shortly.

"I told you I was gonna get you back for buying me lunch on the first day. I keep my word." I say to him. He just smiles.

-

We go back to the office to eat. We sit on the floor because the desk is covered with papers.

Ian opens up his box to his sandwich and just looks at it for a few moments. I watch patiently.

"Here goes nothing." He lifts the sandwich and places it in his mouth and takes a bite.

"How is it?" I ask nervously.

"It's good." He says while taking another bite.

All through lunch we just told jokes, talked about the case a little. And then silence passes over us.

"You know, I realize that I've never asked you about your parents before." He says taking a bite of ice cream.

The whole mood changes. I'm glad he's never asked me before, I try to avoid talking about it too much. I don't say anything at first. Trying to figure out how to put it. I never talk about my parents to anyone. Toby probably knows the most and that's not a lot. What he does know is because he was around when it happened.

"Well, my parents had me when they were both pretty young. They're were crazy about each other. But not good for each other. They got into a lot of mess. Drugs and alcohol stuff. When my mother found out she was pregnant with me, she wanted to turn her life around. For my father, I was more of an inconvenience than an influence. I think he resented me for it. I wouldn't say he hated me. Because in order to hate someone, you still have to have some kind of feelings or emotions toward them. He didn't love me. Like none."

I pause for a second, choking back tears I feel building up in my throat.

"When I was five, my mother got really sick and he split. I haven't seen him since then."

I force a smile at the end. To try to mask my pain. But before I know it. Tears are slipping down my face. Ian comes to the side of me and wipes my face.

"Shh..shh." He whispers to me. And draws me into him. Now I'm full blow crying. Which is something I never do. Let alone in front of people. A man on top of all of that. I rest my head against his chest and I can feel my tears soaking into his shirt. He cradles my head against him with one hand and is rubbing my back with the other. The rhythm of his breathing is soothing. And I try to match it with my own. The tears stop pouring down but I don't move from his chest. He moves his hand from my back to my face and pulls it up so my eyes meet his. My breathing stops. It's like I'm seeing him for the first time again. Seeing his face. The perfect roundness of it. The shade of green and brown that flicker in his eyes. The glow of his light caramel toned skin. It's all too much for me to take in. This man is truly beautiful. I don't think I noticed it before. And it could be that I'm just emotionally distraught right now. I reach up for him and kiss him. A half a second later, I jerk back. Remembering who I was. Who he was. Where we were. His face doesn't change. He's still staring back at me. And then this time, he leans down and kisses me. I kiss back. I turn my body so I'm completely facing him and throw my arms around his neck. He grabs the small part of my back with both of his hands, and lays me down on the floor fully. Hovering above me. He moves his hand down the side of me then back up. Caressing my face. I move my hands from his neck to his chest. Then I push him back.

Chapter Ten

"No no no." I whisper to him. He just looks down at me.

"We... Shouldn't... We can't do this you know."

"I know." He says. But then he starts kissing my cheek then my neck, my shoulders.

"We can't because... You know..."

He nods his head but he's still kissing me. I want to want him to stop, but I don't.

"You know... This is wrong... You know?" My brain isn't processing fast enough for me to think of the right words to say.

"This is wrong, right?" I ask again.

"Yeah, but it feels right, doesn't it?" He holds his head up and looks at me again. I prop myself up on my elbows forcing him to sit back on his knee. Still straddling over me.

"No,... I mean yes, yes it feels right but it isn't."

"Why not. What's stopping you?" There's so much innocents in his eyes. Like he truly doesn't understand why.

"Umm, your girlfriend and the fact that you're my boss. For the next eight weeks anyway."

He runs his hand across his face. Like he just woke up from a night of no sleep. He lays himself across the floor. Staring up at the ceiling. I do the same. We sit in silence for a few moments. Then his phone rings. We both pop up and he rushes over to his desk.

"Ian... Yes... oh yeah, I forgot. Yes, yes. Ok. Thanks." He puts the phone down.

"I forgot about the party tomorrow."

"Oh." I say. Not really interested just trying not to sound rude.

"It's a company party. Birthday party for me. You're going too."

"Oh, no thank you. But Happy birthday."

"I wasn't asking."

"Well, you couldn't possibly be telling me." I stand up and say.

"As your boss, I was. There are going to be some people there that I would love for you to meet. Talk about the case a little."

"We talk about that case everyday, all day."

"I know, but, you have such a beautiful insight on it and well, honestly it will make me look good."

"I'll think about it." I give him a half smile.

"Great. Do you have something to wear?"

"Um, yeah, I think I have a dress somewhere."

"Oh, no. It's a themed party. Masquerade. You'll need a gown."

"I don't own one."

He opens up his desk drawer and grabs his wallet and pulls outs a credit card. He hands it to me.

"Here. Go get yourself something nice."

"You're not buying me a dress." I snap at him.

"Again, I wasn't asking. It's a company card. It's here for things like this. Please take it."

I really didn't want to take it. I don't know why. Even though he said it was a company card, I still felt like I was accepting it from him. I stand up and walk over to the desk. I grab all my stuff before grabbing the card.

"Pick something pretty. I like blue." He said laughing a little.

"I hate dresses." I scold at him

"Then this should be interesting. You don't have to come in tomorrow morning, most of the office is gonna be closed anyway. I'll just see you at the ball. Do you need a driver."

"I have a car."

"Are you really going to want to drive in a gown?"

I pause and think for a second. I hate when he makes sense. He sees it on my face.

"I'll have one pick you up at 9. Until tomorrow."

I walk out. With those words echoing in my mind again. And that kiss.

Chapter Eleven

I don't know the first thing about buying a gown. I've never worn one. Before going shopping, I decided I'm going to see my mom. She was always good at the girly things I wasn't.

"A ball. That sounds exciting." She says.

"Yeah, it should be a blast and a half." I say sarcastically.

"Lulu. I mean it."

"Yeah, ma, I know, but..."

"But nothing girl. You're gonna go. You know you never had a prom and stuff like that, looking after me and leaving school. This is like one. Only better."

My mom always had a positive outlook on everything. She never took anything negatively. It made me mad sometimes but overall it's been a good thing.

"I don't even know what I'm supposed to look for."

"Just find something cute and something that you like."

"I don't know what I like."

"You will when you see it." She smiles weakly at me. I can't help but smile back. Although the thought of shopping for a gown is not very appealing to me.

I look online for shops that sell ballroom gowns. They're a few near by. I hope I only have to go to one, but I write a couple down just in case.

The first shop I go to is Bella's boutique. It was small, but full with dresses and gowns everywhere. From the floor to the ceiling. When I walk in, I am greeted by a young woman dressed like she's 15. She had on a flowery mini skirt and a pink tank top. No shoes.

"Welcome to Bella's Boutique. I'm Grace, Whatcha looking for today."

"Um, I need a gown."

"A gown. Great. What's the occasion?"

"It's a ball. For a company birthday party thing."

"Aw, amazing! Well do you know what you're looking for?"

"No." I run my hand through my hair just to show her how stressful this is gonna be.

"That's ok. We'll get you in something really nice!"

She looked at me up and down and then start walking towards a wall of dresses.

"Your color is definitely a royal blue. It will go great against your skin." She hold a piece of blue fabric up to my arm. Crazy she picked that color, since Ian said he likes blue.

"Yep. This is the color. Ok, now the style. Do you have a nice back?"

"I don't know." Who knows if they have a nice back or not? I've never looked at it and said,'yep, I got a sexy back.' That's weird.

"Well, lets see. Are your comfortable with your body?"

"Yeah." Of course I'm comfortable with my body. I dance half naked for people all the time. She probably would think I'm crazy if I told her that.

"Ok." She picks something off of a hanger and hands it to me.

It's a nude colored tube top looking top and a pair of short. Almost underwear.

"There's a dressing room in the corner. If you could put these on, then I'll be able to see your body better and we can measure you and everything."

I do as she says. When I come back out. She measures me and starts pulling out dresses. Mostly 'royal blue'. But also yellows and browns. She said I did in fact have a nice back, so all the gowns are strapless. Long ones, short ones. Ones with jewels and some with beads. By the time she was done pulling. She probably had 8 dresses ready for me. I tried on five before I found it. I came out of the dressing room in a royal blue ballroom style dress. It was kinda big, but it flowed beautifully. It had sparkles all over the top of it. When I stepped out, Grace stood up from her chair and looked like she was about to cry.

"Perfection. This is it. Do you love it, or do you love it?"

"I love it."

"Give it a spin."

I turn slowly in the dress, then again faster.

"Great, now, we need a mask. We don't want anything to distracting from the dress, cause it's simply gorgeous on you. So I pick this out while you were changing." She hands me a simple white mask. No jewels, no color nothing. I put it on and stand in the mirror. I almost take my own breath away.

"Told you. Perfection at it's best."

"Wow!" That's all I could say. Wow.

"Yeah wow."

I take the mask back off and just stare into the mirror.

"Oh crap, make up. How are you gonna do your makeup?" Grace asked.

"I don't know."

She let out a sigh.

"I don't usually do this for customers but I really like you, come back here before the ball, I'll do your makeup. For free."

"Really."

"Yes."

"Thanks."

"Ok, but you gotta pay for the dress." She smiles and I laugh.

The dress and mask total came to 1500 dollars. Thank you company credit card.

When I get home, I'm so tired from the day, I put the dress in my closet and pass out on my bed.

Chapter Twelve

"This color so matches your eyes."

Grace says as she brushes eyeshadow on my eye. It's almost the same color as my dress. With just a little glitter. She even did my hair for me. She put it all up in a bun with little diamond bobbi pins. All around it.

"You are going to be breaking necks and hearts tonight girly." She says to me before I leave.

"Thank you again Grace, for all your help."

"Of course. It was a pleasure. Take a lot of pictures for me."

"Ok."

-

I start getting a little nervous about standing outside waiting for the car to come, when I look into the sky. It looks like it's ready to storm.

But Right at nine o clock a limo pulled up to my apartment. A man in a black suit gets out and opens the back door for me.

"Thank you." I say while he helps me in. A limo? Ian said he was sending a car. What does one person need with a whole limo? Once I adjust myself in, I notice a piece of paper with my name on it sitting on the bar.

"Hey, I know you're probably thinking to yourself, 'this isn't a car.' But I just wanted to make sure you were comfortable. See you when you arrive.

-Ian"

Now he's in my head. I don't think I like that very much.

We pulled up to this grand castle looking building. Lights all around the outside and inside. It's the biggest place I've ever seen. The driver gets out again and helps me out of the car. I lift my dress and walk up the stairs into the "castle".

When I get in, I'm standing at the top of a grand staircase. People all down below me. I stare out and look. Before moving down the stairs. Carefully. Last thing I want to do right now is fall on my ass. When I'm almost to the bottom of the stairs, I trip on my dress. A man in an all black tux and a black mask catches me. A smile creeps across his face and I smile back. He hold his hand out to me and I reach and grab it.

"Thank you." I say. He takes the mask off and it's Ian.

" Wow. You look amazing." He kisses both sides of my face and leads me to the floor.

"Your entrance was great too." He jokes. I hit him on the arm.

"You clean up nicely yourself. Where are we going?"

Already knowing what the answer is.

"To dance." Of course we are.

"I just got here."

"So we dance." He takes his hand and grabs my back pushing me closer to the floor.

"I can't." I said shaking

"It's my birthday. Of course you can."

"No, I mean I can't, I don't know how."

"I'll show you then." He stands in front of me and grabs one hand. Moving my other to his shoulder and his other on my back.

"One back, one left, one up, one right." We start moving in a box like pattern.

"Simple right."

I calm down and repeat the moves.

"Good. But maybe you should let me lead. I am the man."

"But maybe I wanna led."

"Then you should have been a man." I laugh a little. Relaxing a little more too. We move to the sound of violins and pianos playing. Like in a fairy tale movie. I felt like a princess too.

"So how was the limo?"

"It was fine. Not a car, but it was fine."

"Good I got it, you need a lot of room for that dress." He looks at the dress and then back to me.

"Yeah, it's kinda big. I like it though."

"You look beautiful in it." He kisses my cheek.

"Thank you." I blush a little. I don't think a man has ever told me I look beautiful. I mean being a dancer has gotten me called a lot of things. Beautiful wasn't one. Growing up, I was always just one of the guys. The cute little tom-boy. That ran around with the boys and everyone would say, 'Aw, that cute. She's so cute.' But now, I'm being called beautiful.

When the song ended, Ian takes my hand again and leads me to the bar.

"I forgot to bring you a birthday present." I say to him.

"It's ok, you being here is enough of a gift. Two champagnes please."

"I.. Can't drink. Remember?"

"It's fine. They don't check I.D and you're not driving. I was 19 once you know."

"Yeah like five minutes ago. You know your not that much older than me." He grabs the champagne and hands one to me.

"Old enough to order my own champagne." He smirks at me. And takes a sip.

"Now you're teasing me." And I take a sip too.

A woman walks over and runs her hand down Ian's back from behind him. She has long blonde hair. She's wearing a long white strapless dress with the side cut out. Showing most of her skin.

"Babe, where did you go?" She looks over at me and his smile disappears.

"I was talking with Lulu, she just got here. Liz, this is Luna Stone. She's the new intern at the office. Luna, this is Liz... My... Girlfriend."

"Stop kidding around Ian, I'm his fiancé." She holds her hand up so I can see the ring that is resting on her finger. I snap a look at Ian, then back to her.

"That's beautiful. Congratulations." Fake smile on.

The ring was huge. Like a golf ball was sitting on her hand. I was a little surprised to hear her introduce her self as Ian's fiancé. This was news to me. He never said that before.

"Thank you. Ian... Daddy's waiting." She pulls on him then walks away.

"I'll be right there." He says after. I take a gulp of the champagne.

"Sorry about that."

"Don't be sorry. What are you sorry for?" I fake a smile.

"I don't wanna leave you alone."

"I'll be fine. You don't wanna keep daddy waiting." I joke.

"I'll see you around then. Don't leave." I nod my head. He leans over to kiss my face, but I turn my head. He got the point.

I probably shouldn't be mad, but I can't help it. I knew he had a girlfriend and that was bad enough, but now he's engaged. I chug down the rest of the champagne and go out to the backyard. It's as bright out here as it is inside. Big too. A water fountain sits right in the middle of it all. People are out here. Talking. Laughing. I just walk around. I look up to the sky, to find the moon. But it's still cloudy. The moon always brought me comfort. It eased pain for me. Brought me joy. And I'm lost without it. I still stare into the sky. Looking for where I think it is.

"Hey Cinderella!" a voice from behind me says. I turn to see who. It's a boy. About my age, holding two glasses of champagne.

He holds one out to me and I take it.

"Thank you."

"What are you looking for up there?" He looks up.

"Oh, nothing."

"Well you were looking for nothing pretty hard."

"Yeah, I guess I was." I smile.

"I'm Andre, by the way. I know it's probably weird having a guy walk up to you and start talking, but I'm sure you use to it."

"Not really."

"What? I don't believe that for a second. I mean, look at you. You're a princess." I smile a little.

"There it is. I knew I could get you to smile."

"Do you work at the firm?" I ask, trying to change the subject from me.

"Oh, hell no, the money is good, but I couldn't sit in an office all day. I'm here with my parents. My sister's boyfriend works here."

"Oh ok."

"What about you?"

"Yeah, I'm interning here. For a few more weeks anyway."

"Cool. How's that."

Well, it started fine until I think I started developing feelings for my boss who just happened to be engaged to someone else and the son of the man who started the firm.

"Interesting. But I'm learning a lot of new things." I sip my champagne.

"I bet. So, maybe we can chill sometimes." He smiles to me

"Yeah, ok." I could use a new friend I guess.

"Ok, you got a number?"

"Yeah, you got a pen."

"Just put it in my phone." He hands me the phone and I put in my number,

"Here."

"Cool. I'll call you sometime." I notice these girls standing near us. About my age. They both keep looking over. I didn't hear them before, but I can now.

"Would he really hire a stripper though? I mean I thought this was a professional company."

"You know how she probably got in. My brother, an honor student tried getting an internship there last month. He didn't get it. But her. She probably showed up in a trashy outfit and danced on his desk for him. Andre hears them too because he kept looking over at me.

"Excuse me." I said to him. I feel the tears building up. I rush into the house, but when I walk in, Ian blocks me and I fall into his arms. Again, I am crying on him.

"Hey, hey. What's wrong?" He pulls my face up so he can see it.

"Why are you crying?"

"I want to go home!"

"Ok, ok, I'll take you home." We walk across the open dance floor and out the door. He takes his coat off and wraps it around me. He handed a young boy a ticket. He holds my shoulders and kissed my head. The boy comes back with Ian's car. He walks me over to the passenger side and guides me in.

Chapter Thirteen

"Are you going to tell me what happened?"

"Nothing."

"It doesn't seem like nothing. What happened Luna?"

I honestly started crying because of what those girls were saying, but I couldn't help but feel like I was more hurt by him not telling me he was engaged.

"I don't want to talk about it."

He drove in silence. I stared out the window the whole time. But I knew he kept checking on me.

When we got to my house, he came and opened the door again.

"Thanks." I said pulled my keys out of my purse. I walk inside.

"You want me to sit with you?"

"No." I closed the door, but he stops it with his foot.

"I think I will. Just make sure you're ok." He pushed the door open and walked in.

"I don't want you here Ian."

"Really?"

"Yes! I want you to leave." He steps closer to me and closer. I hold my arms out to stop him from getting any closer. He pushes against them.

"I'm serious." He pushes back a strand of my hair that has fallen out of my bun. Brushing his finger across my face. My heart drops a little. What is going on with me? I never feel this way. Then he comes around and I go weak. I'm crying and smiling and falling all over him every time he's near me. Why?

"I'm serious too." He whispers and inches his face down to mine. I never realized how much taller he was than me. And I'm not a short girl. I just look up at him. Not stopping him this time. I know I should, but I don't think I want to. No, I know I don't. I throw my arms around him and reach into his kiss. He lifts me up by my waist and holds me in place. He carries me all the way into my bed room, kicking the door open with his foot. Never releasing himself from me. He slowly lowers me to the floor, grasping the laces on the back of my dress at the same time. I just look him in his eyes and he looks back into mine. He loosens the ties and the dress falls to the floor. I'm standing in just my bra and underwear. Good thing they're matching. He unbuttons his shirt and throws it behind him. And pushes me onto my bed and comes above me. My first instinct is to throw my hands up to stop him again. But I just let it happen. I close my eyes as he kisses my face and neck. I feel him all over me, realizing how he wants this to go.

"I can't."

"You don't want to?"

"No, I think I do but..." I look away from him and at the wall. Hoping he understands what I'm trying to say.

"You've never...?"

I shake my head no.

"But your..."

"A stripper? Doesn't mean I sleep around with people Ian. I push him up and slide to my beds backboard. Bringing my knees to my chest. He crawls up to me. And rests his hand on my knees.

"You can't really get mad for me thinking that, can you?"

"I can, and I just did."

"Come on Lulu? I mean, your really good at your job, that's all I meant. You're believable."

A half smile creeps across my face.

"There it is. I'm sorry. I know I'm always putting my foot in my mouth about that."

"Yeah, you do."

"You're not supposed to agree with me." He pushes me.

"Oh, but I do." I tease him.

"Ok." He pulls me down and starts tickling me all over. I'm laughing so hard, I think I'm going to pee myself.

"Stop, stop." I shout. I kick and push but he's so strong, he holds me in place. He gets me on my back and then holds my arms down. And he kisses me. But my mind starts to wonder. Wondering too much. I push my face from his.

"Why didn't you tell me you were engaged to her?"

"Would it has made a difference?"

"Yeah."

"Like what?"

"Like the fact you would have been telling me the truth and not lying to me. Like the fact that her as your girlfriend just means she's your girlfriend and not your fiancee meaning that one day you're going to spend the rest of your life with this girl."

"I'm not going to spend the rest of my life with her."

"That's not what the 5 carat on her hand says."

"Luna, I don't want to be with her. I want you."

"No, you don't know what you're saying."

"Yes, I do. Look Liz is.. She's not you."

"You don't even know me. Ian you don't know me."

"I do."

"No, you don't."

"I know your favorite color is green. Not just any green, but a hunter green because it reminds you of trees and the rainforest. When you were six, you hit your head on the monkey bars you were climbing on, that's how you got that scar on the side of your face. Your favorite number is 0 because no one ever chooses it. And, your biggest fear is being alone. Although you do it every single day."

"How do you know all that?"

"You told me. Over the pass three weeks, I've listened to every single word that has come out of your mouth. Even when you're rambling and you don't think I'm listening. I do know you. Now liz, I have no idea who she is. I couldn't tell you what color her eyes are, if I'm not standing right next to her."

I close my eyes real fast.

"What color are my eyes?"

"They're brown. But with flickers of green and gold around the inside."

I open my eyes slowly and he's staring back. I run my hand down his bare chest. His skin is so hot.

"I'm tired. I think I want to go to bed."

"Ok." He says. He stands up from the bed and walks to the door. But instead of walking out, like I excepted him to, he turns the light out and crawls back into the bed.

"What are you doing?" I ask him in the dark.

"Going to bed. Goodnight."

"This isn't funny, Ian."

"I'm not laughing." He kisses my head.

"Goodnight." He lays his head on the pillow and closes his eyes.

I still look at him to see if he was really going to sleep in my bed. Then my eyes got heavy and I'm asleep too.

Chapter Fourteen

When I wake up, Ian isn't beside me. I run my hand over the pillow where he slept. I bring it close to my face so I can breathe his smell in. I look at my bathroom door and it's closed with the light on. He must be in there. I slowly sit myself up. He opens the door and walks out. Only a bath towel wrapped around his hips. I stare at the muscles in his arms and stomach. He so toned. He must have taken a shower because water is reflecting off his body. He runs his hands over his head and walks to the chair in my room.Where are his clothes?

"Good morning sleeping beauty." He smiles at me and says.

"What time is it?" I ask. Stretching out across my bed.

"It is ten thirty."

"Well, I guess I'm late for work."

"Yeah, I think I'm gonna take the day off. So you don't have to come in."

"I thought you were gone when I woke up."

"No, Just needed a shower. I stayed in bed as long as I could. I like watching you sleep. You look so... peaceful."

"You do too." He looked confused

"You fell asleep first last night." I just kept looking at his body. It was very distracting. There was a half naked man sitting in my chair. He looked so calm. I stare at his chest, I see he has a tattoo on the right side on his body. A quote.

"Live by the sun." I say in a whisper.

"What?" He says standing up reaching for his towel.

I didn't even know he heard me. I shut my eyes real fast.

"Lulu, calm down. I already have my underwear on." I open one eye at a time. He's standing in front of me now, only in underwear. I think it was better when he had the towel on. Now he looks like a male model straight out of a Calvin Klein catalog. He's simply beautiful. I feel my mouth drop a little and I close it and hop up. I step over my dress from last night and go for the bathroom. I get in the shower really fast and wash up. Afraid if I take to long, he will be gone. I grab my toweled robe off of the door and put it on before I go out of the room. Ian is sitting on my bed now. Only in his pants from last night. Why won't he put a shirt on?

"You got something against shirts or something?"

"No. Not really." He looks at me in my robe.

"What?"

"Nothing. Just wondering what you have under your towel?"

My eyes pop open. Shocked to hear him talk like that. To me.

I walk over to him and take him by the arms and walk him to the door. I open it and push him out.

"I don't have on anything under this." I say and close the door. I dress in some old holey jeans and a white t-shirt. When I open the door, he's sitting on the couch looking at the news on the t.v.

I walk into the kitchen.

"You want some coffee or tea or something." I asked as I walked to the coffee maker.

"Sure. I'll make it." He stand up and walks to me.

"I got it." I protest.

"Let me." He reaches for the coffee grinds bag in my hand. I hold on to them.

"Ian.."

"Luna.." I release my grip and give them to him.

"You won't know how to use it." I tease.

He fumbles with my coffee maker and then I hear the sound of it heating up the water and pouring out of the tips.

He looks at me and I just roll my eyes.

"Ok, I got a new question for you. How do I take my coffee?" Since he thinks he knows everything about me.

"Well, You used to drink triple expressos but when you started working at the coffee house, you stopped drinking them because you couldn't stand the smell of coffee. But when you want a taste of something hot, you drink chai lattes. That was a trick question."

He really does pay attention to everything I say. Even if I've only said it once.

"How do I take my coffee?" He mocks back at me.

"Black."

"I've never told you that though, so how do you know?"

"Cause you have a coffee maker in your office, and when you make a cup, you never have sugar or cream around. You pour it straight into the cup and drink."

He takes the pot of coffee out from the machine, and I hand him two cups. He pours coffee into both and sets them on the counter. He picks up one and takes a sip.

"So you're not making chai?"

"No, it takes too long. I have a chai creamer though. Not the same but."

I gave him the creamer from the refrigerator and he pours it into my cup. Then I hear my phone ringing. I put my cup down and go to the bedroom. It's on the floor under my dress. It's a text message.

"Hey," was all the message said.

"Hey," I text back. Not sure who it is.

"It's Andre from last night."

Chapter Fifteen

Oh. I didn't save his number in my phone.

"Oh right." I didn't really know what to say.

"I wanted to check on you.. You knw about what happened."

"I'm fine, really. I think I'm just a little sensitive right now."

" Enough said. Thts gud, Ur feelin better tho."

"thaxs :)"

"So wat u doing la8ter 2day?" I look out of my room and Ian is back on the couch staring at the t.v. Intensely. I'm positive he isn't going to be here all day.

"Um, hanging with a friend right now. Idk what I'm doing later tho."

"Oh, well I wanna ask if u wanted to come to this dinner thing at my house. My parents house."

Meet his parents?

"umm. Idk."

"it's not gonna be like last night. Just family and friends, nothing fancy. It'll be cool."

Me and people just don't go together. I mean some people I get along with, and then others, I just don't. But I figure it couldn't really hurt. Maybe I should start trying to make friends. And Andre seems harmless enough.

"I'll think about it. Wat time?"

"About five thirty."

"Ok, send me the address, just in case I come. Not promising tho."

"I'll take what I can get." He sent me the address and I go back in the living room and sit on the couch next to Ian. He's still sipping his coffee.

"Who were you texting?"

"How do you know I was texting?"

"Cause your phone was going off but you weren't speaking."

"I thought you were a lawyer not a detective? It was just a friend."

"A friend?" his tone dropped a little.

"Yes, a friend asking me over for dinner."

"Does this friend have a name?"

"Yes. But I'm not telling you."

"And why not?"

"Because honestly, you don't need to know. It doesn't concern you."

He lets out a little sigh and shook his head like he was trying to remember where he was. He turned his body so he was facing me and pulled at both of my hands and held them in his.

"I'm sorry. I wasn't thinking. I shouldn't treat you like your mine."

I'm not his? Well, of course not. I knew that. Kinda. No, it's news to me. I knew that he won't be able to be mine, but, I never really thought about not being his. I mean it was clear to see that there's something between us. Something deep. I could feel it rooted in my heart. I've never felt this way ever.

"I should probably get ready to go." He says. He stands up and walks to my room. When he comes back out, he's in his shirt. First few buttons unbutton and his coat in his hand. I stand up from the couch and walk behind him to the door.

He leans down and kisses me. I stand on my toes to try to match his height.

"I don't think I want you to leave." I whimper in his ear.

"I know, but I got to. Let me know what you're doing later ok. After the.. dinner thing with your boyfriend."

"He is not my boyfriend." I push him.

"So it is a guy?" He says.

"Goodbye Ian." I open the door and push him out, but he's pulling me with him. He kisses the top of my head and lets go.

"Not goodbye, see you later."

"See ya later." There was a smile stuck on my face. It stayed even after he left.

Chapter Sixteen

I looked around my apartment and notice that I have been throwing crap all over the place for the last two weeks. I plug in my iPod and start cleaning up. I started with the dishes, worked my way through the living room and then to my bed room. I put something away in my draw and I see Ian's cell phone on it. Damn. I just look at it. Wondering what I should do with it. Hold on to it till Monday? It's not like I can call him and tell him he forgot it. I pick up the phone and hold it. Maybe he has a home phone number and I can call. But what if she picks it up? Who am I kidding, it 2014, who has a landline anymore? Ian probably would. He's old school like that. I decide to at least check. It's an iPhone so maybe there's an address or something too. I turn it on and of course, I'm stopped by a pass code. Shit. I don't even know where to start. I type in Ian Hanson. Wrong! It's not something easy like that. Then I think back to some of our conversations. I realize, I talk a lot about myself, and he doesn't talk much at all. I type in Elizabeth. It cut me to type it but I was being a realist. Then I got a little optimistic and typed Luna. Wrong. I think really hard now. I'm sure one more wrong password, and I'll get locked out. Then I remember this morning. "Live by the sun." I type it in and the phone is unlocked. I wonder what It means to him. Anyway. I go to the contacts and look for home or something. There it is. My home. I click it and it has a number and address. I wonder if I should take the chance and call, or just drop it off. If I call and she answers, then I would have to explain where I found it. If I just drop it off, I could say he left it at the office and I'm returning it now. I contemplate on what I should do. I throw on my shoes and grab my keys without thinking too hard and I'm out the door. I guess I'm returning it personally. It's not too far from here. About twenty minutes. I play in my head all the things that could go wrong. If she answers the door, she could flip out and still question why I have his phone. She could assume he was with me instead of with her last night. Which is the truth. But I don't want her thinking that. She could be really nice and I'll be forced to not see him any more. Or she could be a total bitch which would make me want to see him even more. I pull up to the building and think that I'm at the wrong stop. These look like hotels. It's tall. With all the rooms stacked on top of each other. All with glass. Almost like fragile should be written on the top of them. I look back at the address and this is the place. I park my car and head to what I think is the front door. Inside there are three different set of elevators and next to them is a list of the residents.

Ian Hanson floor 12 room D-23.

I click the elevator for up. I'm going to the 12th floor I guess. Kinda high up. It seemed like it took forever for the elevator to stop, and when the doors open, my heart started pounding in my chest. I took a deep breath and walked down the hallway. D-12, D15, D20, then boom. D23. I almost knock, but then I ring the doorbell instead. It was the longest five-seconds of my life and then the door slowly opened. It was Ian. Thank goodness.

"Hey! What are you doing here?"

"I'm sorry to disturb you Mister Hanson, but I was returning your phone." I didn't know who he was with or what he was doing so I just tried to keep it professional.

"Why are you talking like that? No one is here. Come in."

"Oh." I let out some relief. I walk in and it's very bright. All the light is coming from a giant window with no shades or curtains. Everything was either black or white. Black couches, white chairs. White carpet, black lamps. But that isn't what caught my attention. It was the art on the walls. Still no color. Either black or white but they were beautiful. Ian closed the door and walked in front of me.

"You got something against color? I ask jokingly.

He laughed "Haha, no not really. Welcome to my home."

"It's beautiful."

"Thanks."

I almost forgot why I came. I pulled the phone out of my pocket.

"Oh, you left this." I hand it to him.

"I was looking for this." Ian was wearing a white tank top and some old jeans. But he looked so hot. I couldn't help myself but to just watch him.

"Can I get you something to drink?"

"No thanks. I just wanted to drop that off."

"You don't have to leave."

"I'm sure you have other better things to do."

"Not really, I was just sketching."

Sketching? As in drawing? As in something I didn't know. Has he ever said anything about this before?

"I didn't know you draw." He looks at the pictures on the wall.

"You did all of these?" He nods his head.

"They're beautiful."

"Come, follow me." He takes my hand and leads me to a room. It's darker than the front room and one lamp is on. There are papers and posters everywhere. Drawings mostly. Then some are painted.

"This is my art room. I was in here before you came."

There were no chairs or couches in here. Just pillows on the floor. And a bookshelf filled with photo albums and books.

"Can I see one?" I ask already having my hand on one to pull out.

"Sure." I pick one up. Random is written on the front of it. I flip through the pages. There were some of ponds and some of animals, some of people, trees, everything. Most of them seemed to be done in pencil, but they were so detailed. One was of an old couple on a park bench, and I could see the wrinkles on their eyes. One of a pond, I could see the reflection of a tree behind it.

"These are amazing." I say to Ian who is on the floor sketching on a pad. I put the book back and pick up another one. This one was different from the other ones on the shelf. They were all black leather bonded. But this one was bigger and was silver coated. I open to the first page. It's a girl. She's sad, cause I can see it in her eyes. Something about her face, it's like I know her. Like I know what she feeling and why she's sad.

"Luna!" Ian calls my name standing up. Then I realize, that the sad girl, is me.

Chapter Seventeen

There's a date at the bottom of the page. 6/7/13. That was a year ago. I didn't even know Ian until three weeks ago.

"Luna." he steps closer to me. I flip to more pages. Another one of me, walking down a sidewalk. One of me drinking coffee. All dating back to a year ago.

"Luna, I know what you're thinking."

"Do you really? What the hell is this Ian? Why were you drawing pictures of me before we even met?"

"It's kinda hard to explain."

"Well, you better try, because right now, this is making you seem like some weird stalking creep.

"I know, but please just..."

"Just what? Why don't you tell me what this is?"

"I can't right now."

"You can't or you won't?"

"I won't... Because I can't."

"Wow, ok." I open the door and walk out. He follows behind.

"Wait, Lulu, don't leave."

"Then tell me!"

"What do you want me to say?"

"The truth. Tell me the truth."

"Fine. Look you're just gonna have to trust me and believe me. Ok. Promise?"

"Yeah."

"Say it. Say you promise."

"I promise."

"I saw you once, when I was drawing. Over by a park by the coffee house. I thought you were beautiful so I sketched you. I saw you a few more times, in the same area, and I don't know, there was something about you that I had to capture. The way you moved, it was like you were always in a pose. The perfect pose. The way the sun would hit your face, and how one strand of your hair would fall across your cheek. I was in no way stocking you, it was by chance, I promise you. I mean clearly you were beautiful, but I wasn't following you or anything,. I just always happened to be at the right place at the right time. That's what happened when I saw you at the club. I wasn't sure at first if it was you, but when I saw you outside, I knew it. Luna, I know I sound crazy and like some weird guy, but it's not like that, I swear. This was all just by chance."

"And the internship? That was all by chance too?"

"Yes!"

It was hard for me to swallow. The idea that he was drawing me for months and I didn't even know. That he didn't tell me. I didn't know rather to be upset or not. I believed him. I honestly deep down in my heart believed him. There was nothing in my body to believe otherwise.

"Ok, I believe you. Why didn't you just tell me?"

"I was just trying to find the right time. I didn't want you running away from me. I really care about you Luna."

My chest fills up with all kinds of emotions. I don't think anyone has ever said that to me. Maybe my mom, but she doesn't count. I've never had anyone that cared for me when they didn't have to.

"Don't say that." I say.

"Why? It's true." He snaps at me. His tone has changed.

"No, no, it's not."

"Why are you always trying to get me to change the way I feel about you? Why won't you let me close to you?"

"Cause, you don't need to be. I can't... Give you what you want."

"You don't know what I want. I've never asked you for anything Luna."

"I don't know if you can give me what I want?"

"What do you want?"

"I want someone who can walk down the street with me and hold my hand. I want someone to make me coffee every morning and lays next to me every night. Someone who doesn't have to leave and cover tracks for being with me. I want someone who's honest with me. Someone to talk to me. Someone that can... Love me."

"I want to give you all that."

"I gotta go." He reaches out and grabs my arm.

"Why are you so afraid to admit that you feel something for me?"

"Why are you so sure that I do?"

He lets go. I see his face drop a little and he takes a step back. I know that what I just said probably hurt a little. It hurt me to say it. I don't even know why I said it. We just look at each other. I can't read him right now, his face is blank. I want to apologize, but I don't. I walk to the door and open it. I look back at him and he walks over. Still no words exchanged. He just kisses the top of my head, like he always does and holds the door. I go out and walk down the hall. Tears well in my eyes. Why am I always crying when I'm with this man. And what I said, was painful. The look in his eyes. Not angry, or pissed off. It wasn't even sadness. It was worst. Something I've seen only in my mothers eyes. A weakness and love.

Chapter Eighteen

I pull up to this huge white and blue house. It looked like something out of an old movie. Flowers and rose bushes across the yard. I feel nervous walking to the door. But right now, I think I just need some Ian-free time. Clear my head and think about stuff. But not too much. I need a distraction. I rang the doorbell, and not even before it's done ringing, it opens.

"Hey, you made it." Andre says greeting me with a hug.

"Yeah."

"How are you?"

"I'm good. I bought cookies, I didn't know if I should bring anything."

"Oh, you didn't have to do that. Thanks," He takes the plates from me and we walk in the house and he takes me straight in the kitchen. A middle age woman is standing talking to someone who's cooking. The help I suppose.

"Hey mom," he calls out, she turns around.

"This is Luna. The girl I told to about. She walks over to me and hugs me.

"Nice to meet you dear. I don't know what you've done to my son, but he's been talking about you all day." She smiles.

"Mom!" Andre scolds.

"What darling? A girl this beautiful must know the affects she has on men. Don't you dear?"

She winks at me. I don't know how to answer. So I try changing the subject.

"You have a beautiful home ma'am."

"And she's polite. Thank you dear. Dre, go introduce her to your sister and everyone in the back."

"She had a couple glasses of wine already. She's feeling it. Beth has been excited to meet you. She thought for a while that maybe I was gay."

I couldn't help but wonder to ask myself. He was a very pretty boy. Like he spent more time in a mirror than I did. I thought it would have been too far to ask though. When we reach outside, I hear people laughing and giggling. I see her first. Not a face easily forgotten, or a ring. Andre walks me over to the table. Everyone turns to look at us.

"Hey, this is my friend Luna. Luna, this is my sister Beth and my father Frankie." His dad reaches out his hand to me and holds it.

"Nice to meet you sweetheart." Frankie says. He's tall, like Andre. I could never imagine the world getting much smaller than it just did. Beth, or Liz... whatever just sat there before speaking.

"Luna, sounds familiar. Have we met?" She asked happily.

Yeah dumbass. I only met you last night. But before I could let any smart ass remark slip out of my mouth, I saw Ian walk around the corner. I freeze. Everything thing in my body froze. My heart stopped beating. My lungs stopped breathing. My mind stopped thinking. I could see it on his face too. It seemed like an eternity, but really only a few seconds. Then I see Ian put on his professional face.

"Hello, Luna"

"Mister Hanson." I say with my voice shaking. I have a feeling there's gonna be a lot of that.

"You know each other?" Andre ask. He looks at me but Ian answers.

"Yes, we have had the pleasure of Miss Stone interning in the office for the last few weeks."

"Oh, right, that's why you were at the party. Why didn't you tell me you knew Ian?"

Why didn't you tell me that your sister was his fiancé? We all have questions here.

"I guess it never came up." I shrug my shoulders.

"Please sit." Frankie ushers me to sit in a chair. I sit between Liz and Andre. Ian sits across from me on the other side of Beth.

"We were just talking about the wedding." Liz shouts out. She places her hand on Ian's. And smiles at him. She takes her left hand and slide it closer to me. I guess this would be more uncomfortable if I wasn't already kinda mad at Ian. It still wouldn't be easy though.

"It's beautiful."

"I know right. It's not exactly the one I wanted but I like it I guess."

I look at Ian like, is she serious right now?

"So dad, I was thinking backyard wedding. It's so beautiful back here. Plenty of space."

"Me and your mother were thinking about that." He says.

"Yes, I love it. Fairy tale themed. Princess and prince stuff . I've already hired a wedding planner. We meet with her tomorrow baby. I want it to feel like a fairy tale back here. Full of magic and love."

Wow, she probably pick the most cliche wedding theme ever. Fairy tale? Really? Well automatically, a diva would pick this theme. Call themselves a princess just so they can have an excuse to be a bitch. She just kept rambling on and on about the wedding. I don't see how they actually sat there and acted like they cared. It was more like she was giving an opening monologue and we were just the audience. Watching and listening to what she had to say. After ten minutes, I couldn't take anymore. I excused my self to use the bathroom. Of course, when I got inside, I got lost and one of the housekeepers had to help me find my way. A housekeeper. Really? Who's so busy they can't keep up on their own house? When I finally find the bathroom, I just stood in there. My face was red and hot. I could feel the blood pumping through it. I threw some cool water on my face and took a deep breath.

Back outside. Andre's mom had join everyone else and was talking to Liz about wedding plans and Frankie, Ian and Andre were talking about cars. I sit closer to them to avoid the wedding conversation. Andre looks and smiles at me.

"Ian, I'm telling you, the 1964 Mustang kicked the 67 Cameo's ass." Andre shouts across the table.

"I disagree with that."

Ian says in his calm understanding lawyer voice. I watch his lips as they move into words. My stomach tightens and it feels like I'm on a roller coaster. I'm just lost for a moment, I don't even hear Andre calling my name. He touches my shoulder.

"Luna, what do you think?"

I'm put on the spot. What do I think? An easy question, so hard to answer.

"Well, the mustang did create a roadway for the cars with the whole pony class thing, but something about a Camaro. I vote camaro." Andre's dad laughs.

"Sorry." I mouth to Andre. He grabs my hand and says ok. I look at Ian and he's looking back at me with a smile.

People come out and food is being placed on the tables.

"Everything look amazing." Andre's mom says. I still don't know her name. Or their last name. I'd feel embarrassed asking out loud. So I lean over to Andre and whisper it too him.

"Washington." He whispers back. I lean back to my chair and Ian is starring at me. His eyes cut into me like a 6 foot sword through the middle of my chest. I sip my water and try to break from his gaze.

"So, Luna, right?" Mrs.Washington asked me.

"Yes, ma'am."

"So dear do you work or go to school?"

"Yes, I go to the university here and I work at a coffee house." And a strip club. But maybe we'll leave that for next time.

"And the internship of course." Ian cuts in and says.

"Oh right. At the law firm with Ian. How's that?" She grabs her glass of wine. But Frankie takes it from her and puts it back on the table.

I look at Ian before answering. He has a grin sketched on his mouth.

"Very interesting so far. I've learn a lot of new things there."

"Do you and Ian work together a lot?"

He's the only person I work with. All day everyday. And last night and this morning. But I feel for the sake of everyone at the table I should just lie a little.

"Not really. I do a lot with the whole office. Running around and things like that."

"Oh. It must be amazing to intern at such an amazing place. The people there are the best at what they do." Mrs.Washington picks up her glass again and takes a gulp.

Mr. Washington tries to take the attention away from his wife and directs it to the food.

"Well, lets not let all this good food go to waste. Dig in."

Bowls of salad and trays of finger sandwiches are passes around the table. Glasses of ice tea and wine are being poured. For the most part. No one talked while eating, till everyone was almost done. I didn't say anything.

When Andre and I were both done, we left the table so he could show me the rest of the house. I could feel Ian's eyes burning into my skin until we made it in the house. We just walked around the huge house and he told me about how it was built, whose lived there and for how long. I just let him talk, since he seemed to like it. It appears his whole family likes to talk.

"I think my family really likes you."

"I like them. Your parents are really sweet."

"Yeah, and sorry about my mom. She gets like that when she's been drinking too much."

"It's fine."

After the tour, we go and sit with everyone in the living room. They have out tea and coffee makers and sweets on what seemed like a bar.With sugars and creamers and flavoring. It was like a mini coffee shop bar. Ian and Liz are sitting on a big couch with Mr. and Mrs. Washington. I sit next to Andre on a smaller couch.

"Baby can you make me some coffee?" Liz whines more than ask Ian.

"What do you want in it?" He doesn't know how she takes her coffee? Wow. But he remembers my choice of hot beverage.

"A vanilla latte."

"I don't know how to make that." He says

"Follow the instructions on the machine Ian. " She snapped at him.

"Anyone else?" He asked everyone.

"I'll.." I start saying. Before I finished he nodded his head and went to the bar.

"So Luna, what are your plans for after college?" Mr. Washington asked me.

"Well hopefully I'll be working in psychology."

"Is that what you're studying?"

"Yes ma'am."

"Interesting. See Dre, other people have plans on what to do with their lives in the future."

"I got plans to ma."

"No, you've got ideas about being in some.... Band."

"Terri!" Mr.Washington calls to his wife.

"It's all right dad. Mom is just feeling the wine a little."

Andre seems to understand his mother's behavior. Like this happens all the time. After an awkward beat of silence, Mrs. Washington started talking to Liz and Andre's phone rang. He excused himself to answer it.

"Luna, how did you get that name? It means moon right?"

"Yes sir. My mother named me after the moon goddess. And the sun. Sol."

"Your name is Luna Sol?"

"Yes sir."

"That's lovely. Are you close with your parents?"

"With my mother."

"Does she live here?"

"Yes."

"And what is it that she does?"

I'm suddenly wishing that everyone hadn't left me right now. I feel like he wouldn't be asking these questions if Andre or Ian were here. I bite the bullet though.

"Um, she doesn't work, she's actually sick. She has cancer."

"Oh my. I'm sorry to hear that. How is she now?"

"She's... She's tired.. Of fighting."

Ian walks in, doing what he does best. Saving me. He sees the worry in my face, because I feel it reflex back to me through his eyes. He has four cups on a tray. He hands Liz her coffee first, she doesn't even look at him. She just holds her hand out and he places the cup in her hand.

"Here Terri, I bought you a cup too." He places it on the table in front of Mrs. Washington.

"Thanks dear, but I've got some wine." She holds up her glass for him to see.

Then he walks to me last. I reach up for the cup before he even grabbed it. I look him right in the eyes and he looks back at me. He takes the cup and places it in my hands.

"Thank you." I say.

"You're welcome."

I take a sip of it, and it's chai tea. Made to a perfection. But while I was enjoying mine, Liz had a problem with her's.

"Damnnit Ian! What is this?"

"Coffee, two sugars and cream."

"You didn't do it right. Like always."

"Baby, what did mama always tell you? If you want something done right...."

"You're gonna have to do it yourself." Liz finishes her moms sentence. They both get up and walk out of the room.

"Son, don't let that woman talk to you that way. If you let it happen now, just think about after you're married."

The words send a chill down my spine. Him. Married. To her. In my head it doesn't sound right. Hearing it out loud sounds worst.

"Liz is, no offends, a lot like her mother. I don't know what to do to make her happy." He glances over at me.

"No offense taken son. They don't appreciate the simple things. Like making them a cup of coffee, or buying them roses on a random day."

Mr.Washington is staring into a magazine while he's talking to Ian. Ian looks at me when he talks.

"Or when you tell them that they look beautiful, or that you think you're madly deeply crazy in love with them, and the thought of not being able to see or hold them, kiss them drives you mad." I hadn't even realize that I was holding my breath. I take a deep inhale and let it out slowly. Mr. Washington lowered the magazine from his face and looked at Ian.

"I haven't heard you talk like that about liz before." Frankie looks over to me, then back at Ian.

"Just speaking from the heart Frankie."

That because it wasn't for Liz. He looked right at me and said those words. I have to go. I can't stay any longer. My mind is racing and my heart is pacing.

"Mr.Washington. Thank you for having me in your home today, everything was wonderful, but I should get going."

"Oh, thank you for coming, it was a pleasure meeting you. I'll go let Dre know your going." He walks out of the room. Leaving me and Ian alone. Ian gets up from the big couch and sits next to me. He runs his hand across my cheek. I rub my face into it.

"Are you following me?" He asked.

"I was gonna ask you the same thing."

"Well, I believe you were the one who showed up at my house this morning." He takes my hand.

"We need to talk about that still."

"I thought we already did."

"You know what I mean." I say.

"You look beautiful today." He kisses my hand.

I start to say something but then I hear someone walk in behind us and we release our hands. It's Andre. Ian and I try to put some space between us, it wasn't working so I just stood up.

"Hey, dad said you were leaving."

"Yeah, I gotta get going. I have work in the morning."

"Ok." He reaches out to hug me. I do the same and he pulls me into him. He lets go.

"Thanks for coming."

"Thank you for inviting me."

"Mr. Hanson, I will see you around the office on Monday."

"Yes, Miss Stone. driving safe."

"Thanks. Andre tell your sister and mom I said bye."

"Yeah."

"Goodbye Mr. Hanson." I said walking to the door.

"See you later." He calls back. I smile. Andre follows me to my car.

"Sorry, for the... well craziness."

"It was fine. Just probably next time, hide the wine." I laugh.

"Noted. Does that mean there's gonna be a next time?"

"Maybe. We'll see." I get in my car and start the engine.

"Ok, "I'll take it. Goodbye Luna."

"Bye Andre."

Chapter Nineteen

It's 2:30 in the morning when I hear my phone ringing next to me. I rub my eyes and answer it without looking at the number.

"Hello."

"Is this Luna Stone?" The voice says.

"Yes." I sit up. The tone of the woman's voice is very serious.

"Sorry to disturb you at this hour ma'am, but a Toby Rodriguez was just admitted in our hospital and has you as emergency contact."

"Um ok. Is he all right?"

"Well it isn't looking too good right now. If you could get down here ,I'll be able to explain everything to you."

I jump right out of bed and grabbed my keys. I was at the hospital in ten minutes.When I get there, I run to the front desk.

"I'm looking... For.... Toby.. Toby Rodriguez."

"He's in surgery right now."

"Luna." A voice calls to me. I turn around.

"Hi Luna, I'm Doctor Baxter."

"Is he ok? Is he gonna be ok?"

"We're doing what we can."

"What happened?"

"He was shot twice in the back. One of the bullets may have hit his spinal cord. There may be severe damage. Including paralysis."

Paralysis. He could be paralyzed.

"When will he be done?"

"Could be a few hours."

I go to the waiting room and wait there. And wait and wait. I had a lot of broken sleep. I woke up every twenty minutes to ask someone how he was. Then at 5:45 in the morning. A doctor came out to me.

"Miss.Stone?"

"Yes." I stand up.

"Surgery is over. He did good."

"Ok."

"But, he is paralyzed from the waist down. He has about a 20 percent chance of ever walking again.

A tear dripped from my face. But not many, I knew one day this would happened. I told him that. The night in my car when I picked him up. He was getting mixed up with the wrong people.

"We're gonna keep him here for a little while, just to monitor everything. After he is released from here, he will need physical therapy. How are his living conditions?"

"I don't know. Last I talked to him, he was between homes, I think."

"Sorry for asking, so late, but what is your relation to him?"

"He's a friend."

"Does he has any family willing to help him during his recovery?"

"No. His parents died a few years ago and he doesn't have any brothers or sisters."

"Well, if it comes down to it, and he has no other place to go, no one willing to help, we could possibly make arrangements at a rehabilitation center."

That cost money, and since I know he doesn't have it, I'll probably be the paying the bill. So I guess I'll just let him stay with me.

"I can arrange for him to stay with me. I'm sure it would be a lot better for him to heal in a familiar area."

"Ok, I'll make sure to get all your information and give you the required info. He should be ok for you to go see him now. He might be a little drowsy, so keep it short. He needs rest."

"Ok, thank you."

I walk into the room and a nurse was finishing up with something then left. His eyes popped open. When he saw me. He tried to sit himself up.

"Hey you!" he said horsely.

"Hey yourself." I sit by his side on the bed. I brush my hand through his hair. His face was pale. He's eyes were dull. Long face.

"You look like shit." I joke at him. He tries to laugh but I can tell it hurts him to.

"I feel like it too." The room is quiet. Toby shuts his eyes for a moment. Then I realize, he's crying.

"Thanks for being here Lu."

"You don't have to thank me. That's what friends are supposed to do."

"I know, I know.... It's just. I have never been a good friend. A good anything. And you still help me."

"Toby, you were good once. You just got a little lost, that's all."

"They say.. I might not ever walk again."

"There's a chance."

"How much of a chance?"

"Does it matter? Rather is 1 or 99.9 if it happens it'll happen when it happens. But until then, after you get out of here, you're gonna come stay with me for a little."

"Really? Who's idea was that?"

"Well, it was a choice I made by default. Where else were you gonna go?"

"Good point. Who knew that I only had to get shot for you to let me stay with you." He smiles

"Thanks. For saving my ass again." He reaches out and holds my hand. I rub my fingers against his.

"I'm gonna let you rest now. I'm supposed to be working the coffee house this morning, then I got the firm so I'll be by after that, around five ok?"

"k."

"I'll call later to check on you." I kiss the top of his head then left.

Chapter Twenty

I was so tired. Every coffee I made splashed all over the counters and cups and lids. It was a mess. I was lucky if someone left a tip. And I couldn't be mad if they didn't. I wasn't sure if I was gonna make it through my shift, let alone the day. I still had to go work in the office. So I made sure I made myself a triple espresso latte before I left and I grabbed Ian a black coffee.

I was halfway done with mine by the time I got to the office, and I was starting to feel it too. The effects of it. I wasn't so tired anymore.

"Good morning." Ian said when I walked in.

"Morning! I bought coffee."

"Thanks." He looks at me, and I know he senses something's wrong,

"What's up with you lulu? You look tired."

I sip my latte before answering.

"I am actually. Toby got shot last night, and I was lucky caller number 1. But I didn't get a free car or concert tickets, I got.. Drumroll please....... A free night at a hospital. With about a total of two hours of sleep. Then of course, it wouldn't be a bad night unless I had to wake up and go to work and then go to another job right after. So I'm going to apologize ahead of time. I get a little loopy when I'm tired. And have coffee."

Ian walks over to me, standing by the chair and grabs me by my shoulders and walks me to the couch. He sits me down and lifts my leg onto it.

"Why did you come in then?"

"I had to."

"No, you didn't. You could've taken a personal day."

He sits on the floor in front of me.

"Well, maybe I wanted to see you. You think of that smart guy?"

"I didn't. After yesterday, I didn't know how you were feeling."

"Yeah. That was kinda weird and awkward."

"You know Andre thinks he got you wrap around his little finger right?"

"Does he?"

"Yeah. He's got everything mapped out. From what I heard, he wants to take you out on a little date, get to know you better...maybe go to a movie or something he said. I don't know what he said after I left. I couldn't sit there and listen to him make plans for the both of you."

"Mr. Hanson, do I hear a little bit of.. Jealousy?"

"You think I'm jealous of... Andre? No no no. Not of him, but what he can do with you."

His mood changed. From joking and happy, to sad.

"He can walk with you in public and take you to meet his parents without lying or bending the truth. He can lay next to you every night and still be there to make you coffee in the morning. He can give you all the things you want."

"He can't give me you. Only you can. And that's what I want. I want you."

My heart does that thing again. When it feel like it's going to fly out of my chest. Ian bends down and places his head against mine.

"You don't know how long I've waited to hear you say that."

"You don't know how long I've waited to say it. After what happened to Toby, it made me realize that we might not have tomorrow to tell each other how we feel. Something could happen and I would have to live knowing I never told you how I felt."

We just both stared at each other. The way we always do, because we don't need words to talk. We can do it with our eyes. With our emotions.

There is a knock at the door, and Ian and I both pop up. He stands on his feet and I sit straight on the couch.

"Come in." He says fixing his suit.

In walks Liz. He walks to her and kisses her face. She removes her sunglasses and looks at me with a little smile. Then turns back to Ian.

"What are you doing here Liz?"

"Oh, I was just around the corner with the wedding planner and thought I'd stop by."

She looks over at me again, and I get the hint. She wants me to leave. I pick up my coffee and stand up.

"I'm gonna go downstairs... To make a call."

"Ok." Ian said.

"Nice to see you again Liz."

"Oh, you too.. Lucy?"

"Luna." I snap.

"If it's too hard to remember, just call me Lulu."

"Right, right, sure ok. Bye-bye."

I swear I can not stand this woman. She's impossible. She's not only rude to strangers and her family, she treats Ian like crap. I can handle myself, but Ian, him being the soft kind person he is, he would never put her in her place. But I'm not Ian.

When I get outside, I light up a cigarette and pull out my cell phone. I decided to check up on Toby at the hospital.

"Hello."

"Hey, you awake."

"Yeah, I think I'm high on something right now."

"Ha, you probably are."

"Aren't you suppose to be at work?"

"Yeah, I am. My bosses.. Fiancé is here though,

so I took a break." It burns my mouth to say it. To think about it, it hurts.

"Oh. Well the doctor told be I might be out of here in two weeks, they said I was coming to live with you."

"Yeah, I kinda volunteered by default."

He must have forgotten that we had that conversation this morning.

"Aww, how sweet. Well I'll let you get back to work."

"Ok, I'll try to stop by later.."

"Ok."

After I got off the phone with Toby, I went back inside. When the elevator doors open I almost got in, until I saw Liz coming out.

"Lisa!"

"It's Luna."

"Yeah whatever, listen here buttercup. You like my brother, thats fine, he likes you too. For some reason. But my Ian, you stay away from him."

"Well we kinda work togeth..."

"Don't get smart with me. You think I don't notice how you stare just a couple milliseconds to long? Smile just a little too hard? lets get one little thing straight here, He's mine, you can't have him. End of discussion." She smirks and tried to walk away. I grab her wrist and she turns. Back to me.

"I don't think you know me well, otherwise you wouldn't have just talked to me the way you did. you get this straight. If you ever come to me like this again, I will rip out everything fake on your body, from you boobs to your extensions, ok. Have a nice day."

And I jump on the elevator. She stood there frozen as the doors closed in front of me.

I can't believe I just said that to her. No doubt she'll tell Ian, but I don't care.

When I get back to the office Ian is on the phone. Did she call him already? Nah, she's a drama queen and would wait to tell him so she can become a victim.

About five minutes later Ian got off the phone. I thought, maybe I should just tell him, so she wouldn't get the chance later. Better for him to hear the truth from me anyways.

"So I ran into Liz on my way up?"

"Yeah?"

"Yeah, and well, she thinks I have some thing for you. Which, I mean I do, but she's like 'I see you looking and smiling at him too long and too hard and it needs to stop.You can't have him, he's mine.' And I'm like wow, what are we six? She's acting like you're some toy I tried stealing from her box."

"What did you say?" I was kinda planning on leaving my part out. But if I want to be honest, I need to tell the truth.

"Well, I may have told her, if she ever spoke to me like that again, I was...gonna rip her breast out."

"Her breast?" He says shocked. I nod my head.

"And her hair.

"Her hair?" He's laughing a little now. I laugh too.

"It's not funny."

"No, I know, but only you would threaten to rip out someone's hair and breast. I'm pretty sure those are two of her favorite body parts."

"And the fakest."

"What? They're fake?" He laughing slows but doesn't stop.

"Yeah, Ian! Any one with a pair of eyes can see that."

"I didn't. I didn't know. Will I kinda thought the boobs, because they were not that size in high school, but her hair too?"

"And her eye lashes and her eyes and her teeth and her waist. You know she's had a shitload of plastic surgery."

"No."

"Yeah, Andre confirmed it."

"How could I not know that?"

"I have no clue. I thought you knew." Ian seems shocked about his new discovery with his soon to be wife.

For the rest of the day we actually worked, something we haven't done in a few days. We didn't speak much. Ian looked like he was thinking too hard. So I didn't say anything.

"Um, Lulu, I'm gonna take off a little early today."

"Ok, you got a appointment or something?"

"Or something." He said grabbing his coat. Something seemed off. His answers were short. No smile or smirk on his face.

"Is something wrong?" I asked him.

"No."

"Well kinda seems like it. What's going on?"

"I've just been thinking about some stuff."

"Stuff?"

"Yeah, stuff."

"I'm assuming you're not gonna tell me what that stuff is."

"No. Not right now."

I feel myself get mad. My body got hot. I just didn't like the vibe he was giving me right now. I look at him confused. Because I was. He walks to me and kisses my head. But not like all the times before. This was different. Something about it didn't feel right. He just doesn't seem right. Ever since Liz stopped by today, he just hasn't been himself.

So since it seemed like he didn't want to talk. I grabbed my things and left. No bye or anything. I went straight to the hospital after work. I stopped by to see my mom first.

"Hey baby girl." Everyday she seemed less and less alive. I'm scared to hold her hand, afraid it would break in mine. She holds her hand out and touches my face. She's so weak, she uses what little energy she has to do it.

"Hey mama."

"What you doing this way?"

"Well, Toby got shot last night."

"Oh no. What happened?"

"He got into some mess. Paralyzed from the waist down. Anyways, he's gonna come stay with me when he gets out. He needs someone to help him."

"You do so much baby girl. Always helping people. I remember when you were a little girl, you would ask me for ice cream money for the truck. You would buy Popsicles for all the kids, but never for yourself. You've always put other people before yourself."

"I remember that."

"But baby, you got to take care of yourself. Sometimes you need to put you first. Be a little selfish. Cause if you give the world everything, you anit gonna have nothing for yourself."

My mom always had the answers to questions I hadn't even asked. Answers to questions I hadn't even thought of. That's how in sync we were. I don't know what I'm gonna do without her. She is my everything. But even now, I'm watching the life slip out of her. Listening to her hard breaths between every word. The way it seems to hurt her to blink.

"I love you Luna. You know that right?"

"Of course mama. I love you too." A tear slipped from her eye.

"I'm so tired." She whispers. Her eyes began to fall. I hold on to her hand. The room is quiet. Only thing I hear is the sound of my mothers breathing and the beeping on her heart monitor.

I watch her body rise and fall back to the beat of the beeps. As one slowed so did the other. One beep for every rise in her chest. Until one long beep. I wipe the tear from her check then kiss it. I just sit there, still holding her hand. Rocking back and forth. I do that for five minutes before tears pour from my eyes. Another piece gone.

Chapter Twenty-One

When the doctor comes in, I'm so exhausted from crying, I can't move my body. I just sit there. My mind went blank. I couldn't feel myself blinking, or breathing. I didn't see the people walking in and out of the room. I couldn't even see my mother. I was someplace I have never been before. I didn't know how much time had past.

When I started coming to, I wasn't even in the room anymore. I was outside of it on a couch. I don't even know how I got there. A doctor was sitting beside me. Talking but I couldn't hear him. Even though I was staring right at him. I could only see his mouth making words, but no sounds. He reaches out and touches my hand. But I can't feel it. My mind, body and soul is numb. My eyes must be too because I've stopped crying. I just sit staring at the ground. I can't feel my body to move my neck anywhere else. The doctor stands up in front of me. Someone is standing with him. They bend down and become leveled my face. It's Ian. When I see his eyes, I slowly start feeling something in my face. It's the tears. Their coming back. They fill my eyes, but nothing comes out. They hurt. Like I've been punch 20 times in them. Ian doesn't say anything. He just looks at me. He raises from the ground and sits next to me. My eyes follow his body. But I still can't speak. He pulls me into him and I bury my face into his chest. He rocks me back and forth. And my eyes get heavy and then I'm asleep.

I wake up on the couch in my living room. It's black outside. Some of the feeling has returned to my body. But I wish it hadn't. I'm sore all over. Everywhere hurts. Places I didn't even know could hurt. I see Ian come out of my bedroom. And he sees my eyes open. He walks over to me and picks up a glass of water on the table and tries to hand it to me, I don't move.

"Luna, you need to drink some water. You'll get dehydrated. You haven't eaten anything all day." I turn my head away from him.

"I'm asking nicely right now. Please."

I don't move. Ian sits in the couch right next to me and picks me up and turns my body around.

"It's been three days and I can't get you to move or eat. You need to eat Luna."

"Fine!" I scream at him. I see him move back a little. I just look him in the eyes. I'm mad. Mad he made me wake up. Cause now all I feel is pain. The numbness is gone. He stands up and walks to the kitchen. He grabs a plate and walks back to me. On it is a sandwich and potato chips. He puts it on the table. I start eating. I didn't want to at first, but once I took a bite, I realized how hungry I was.

"I'm just trying to help Lulu."

"I didn't ask for it."

"Well you need it. You haven't moved in three days. That means, no food, no drink, no shower, for three days."

"You know what Ian, I'm sorry if I had a little break down or whatever, but my mother just died. And if I feel like checking out for a few days, then I'm gonna do just that. I don't expect you to understand."

"Understand what? You grieving? The fact that you lost your mom? You think you're the first person in the world who's lost a mother?"

I think I get what he's saying. He sits on the green chair in the corner. He held his head in his hands. And he took a deep breath in. I felt bad. Like I said something that just cut him. But I didn't move to him. I didn't apologize. I didn't speak. I just stared at him. Like I often do.

He stood up and walked out the door. I don't follow. Instead I get up and undress in the bathroom. I turn on the shower and get in. I let the water rush all over my body, my face and my hair. It's so warm. And I feel so cold. It calms me. Almost back to a numbing state. But I'm conscience. I shut my eyes. Letting my mind wonder. I see my mother. One day when we were living out of our car. I was 10 maybe. I remember I was crying about not being able to get this doll that all the other kids had. She tried to explain to me why.

"Sometimes, Luna, we want things that we can't have. And then sometimes when we get it, we realize we didn't really want it after all. You want this doll because everyone else has it, not because you really want it. And then you have to ask your self another question. Do you need it? Because with the situation we're in, we can't just get things based on wants. That's something important to think about for life."

I open my eyes and heard a knock on the door. I turn the water off and get out of the shower. I dry off and wrap the towel around me. I open the door and Ian was standing there. Damn near in tears. He steps to me and hugs me. Resting his head on my shoulders. I rub my hand on his head, down his neck. I feel his tears dripping from his eyes to my skin. I get him to walk with me over to the couch. We sit and he lays his head in my lap. I run my fingers threw his hair. Did I do this? Was this because of what I said earlier?

"I'm sorry." I whisper into his hair. Kissing his head. He turns his head to look at my face. His eyes are still wet and I see it reflecting off the light. He's looking back at me.

"I was..sixteen. My parents had just told me that, they were getting a divorce. My mom had been cheating on my dad. I was so mad at her. We were a happy family. I thought. I met the guy one time, and something about him just didn't sit right with me. He didn't talk much. He smelled like cigarettes and beer. I will never forget it. I moved in with my dad, and she went to live with him. He was so different from my father. He was a low life. Two weeks later, my mother was found dead in their apartment. They wrote it off as a suicide. But I know he did it. I felt it every time I looked at that son of a bitch. He killed my mother. He killed her."

He buries his face into my chest. I cry too. I feel his pain. I feel it as real as if it was my own. I rock him back and forth. Like he did for me once before. And we just sat like that until we both fell asleep.

When I woke up, we were both still on the couch. I was laying across Ian's chest with his arms around me. Holding me. I didn't want to move. I guess he didn't either because when I opened my eyes, he was already staring at me. I press my face into him and he pulls me tighter. He pushes me out a little so he can see me.

"I love you." Ian whispers to me. I stop breathing. What? I didn't know what to say next. My mouth got dry. And my mind went blank. All I could do was stare up into his big beautiful eyes and hope he wouldn't make me say it. Make me say something we both knew I couldn't even if I wanted to. I thought when I told him at the office how I felt. I thought he was understanding what I was trying to say.

"Ian, I..." he brings his finger to my lips and stops me from talking.

"I didn't say it just so you would say it back. I said it because I wanted you to know that's how I feel."

"Don't do that to me."

"Do what?" he asked sitting up.

"Tease me."

"I'm not teasing you."

"Yes you are. You know... You know how I feel. What I want. And you know I can't have it." He rubs his hand down my face.

"I want to be with you. Only you. Because you're who I want."

"My mom told me once, it doesn't always matter what you want, but want you need."

"I need you." The words grab a hold of my heart pulling at the strings attached to it. Why is he saying all the things I want him to?

"Sometimes, we want things that we can't have." I smile at him. I stand up. I'm wearing only a t-shirt.

"Well something you should know about me is I always get what I want."

Chapter Twenty-Two

"No, you hang up first?" Ian laughs into the phone.

"I always go first."

"Well yeah, ladies first."

"Oh now you wanna play that card."

Me and Ian barely talk during work hours. Since I don't work in his office anymore. But then we call each other when we get home and talk for hours. It's kinda confusing.

We both laugh a little, then it gets quiet.

"What are we doing Ian?"

"Trying to hang up the phone?"

"No, I mean, when I see you, you barely say a sentence to me. But everyday, we're on this phone. Doing this dance."

"I don't really know what we're doing. But it makes me happy. I love talking to you. I just wanted to make sure I was giving you your space."

The sweetness in his voice melts my heart. He talks in almost a whisper. It makes me weak.

"I do too." I say, and right at that moment there's a knock at my door. I already know who it is.

"I gotta go. See you tomorrow." I say before hanging up. I answer the door. It's Toby in a wheelchair being pushed by a nurse in blue scrubs.

"Hey." I reach down to hug him.

"Lu... Thanks again for this."

"Aw, shut up. No one else was gonna take care of your ass." I smile. He smiles back.

"Ok Miss Stone. Toby has a list and full bottles of all his medications. Don't let him forget to take certain ones at the correct times. Someone should be here tomorrow to make sure your home has the Correct accommodations for Toby. If you have any questions please call. "

"Yes. I will. Thank you." I push Toby's chair into a corner of the living room.

"How you been Lu?" Toby looks up at me and ask.

"I'm... I'm doing alright. You know living life. How you doing?"

"Better. A lot better."

"Good. Good. Well I'm gonna get you set up here, and then I have to run out for a bit."

"Where you going?"

"None of you business. Now, I'm putting your stuff in my room. I'll sleep on the couch until I can get that futon set up then I'll sleep on that. But you get the bed, and my room has a bathroom too so, you know, It'll be easier."

"Got it. Thanks Lu. I don't know how many times I'm gonna say it."

"Don't worry about it. You know I got you. Now though, you gonna be on your own for a few hours. I'm going to take a shower and then get dressed. I'm going out."

"Yeah, ok, I'll just chill around here and you know... Chill."

"Cool." I laughed.

I went in the bathroom to take a shower. I have 20 minutes before I'm suppose to meet Andre at the movies. He called last night and asked if I wanted to hang out. I figured I needed something to keep my mind busy. It's been three weeks since my mother died, and that long since I've been with Ian. I asked him to transfer me to another part of the office just to give me some space. I need some space from him right now. So I started working downstairs. Reviewing filings. It's easy but not the same as working in Ian's office. I think I'm starting to miss him. But I can't. I can't miss him. Even though we talk on the phone, it's not the same. And I doubt that he's thinking about me. He's busy planning a wedding. August 19. Two months left. It drives me crazy every time I think about it. But I can't help it.

I get out of the shower and get dressed. I put on a simple black T-shirt and some blue jeans. I pull my hair back and throw on some boots. Don't want to over dress. When I get ready to leave, Toby is sitting in front of the tv with a bag of chips in his hand.

"Well don't you look fancy." He said to me.

"Shut up. I'm just going to the movies, with a friend."

"What friend?" He ask. Straightening up in his chair.

"A friend."

"What's his name?"

"Why you assuming it's a guy?"

"Cause if it was a girl you would have just said it."

"Whatever. I'll be home late. I stocked up on food and stuff so just grab whatever, but don't make a mess please." I grab my keys and go for the door. Toby follows behind me.

"Lu?" I turn to face him.

"Yeah."

"You look beautiful." A smile creeps across his face and mine. Toby being all sweet and nice is kinda weird.

"Thank you."

-

"So do you like scary movies?" Andre asked while we watch though previews.

"Yeah. I'm into to all the gory, bloody stuff."

"Wow."

"What?"

"You're just so different."

"From who?"

"Every other girl I've ever met. You like cars and bloody movies. You come on a date in a t-shirt and jeans no make up, hair pulled back."

A confused looked comes across my face. Even though it's dark, I know he sees it.

"No, no, it's not a bad thing. It's actually the reason why I think I like you so much."

"Oh." So he likes me now. Interesting. I pause for a moment. The words ring in my head. Like a bell. I start to say something back. About how I just don't feel the same, but the movie starts and everyone got quiet.

For a hour and forty-five minutes, we watch seven high school students get killed in some woods by some psychopath who apparently can't died even if you chop his head off.. Lots and lots and lots of blood.

"Did you like it?" Andre asked reaching for my hand. I don't move. I just let him take it.

"Yeah, it was pretty good." My stomach starts turning. He's touching me. It feels weird at first. We walk out of the theater and start walking down the street. It feels weird to hold Andre's hand on the street. Something so simple, so defining. Something me and Ian will never be able to do. We stop at a cross walk and wait for the light to change. Andre turns towards me and grabs my other hand. He looks right in my eyes. The way Ian does. Without even thinking I look back into his. And before I could stop it. He kissed me. I don't move at first but then I gave in. I kiss him back. Soft and gently. It send chills down my spine and flames in my face. But it doesn't feel right. He brings his hands to my face and pulls it back. I slowly open my eyes to find him staring at me. He grabs my hand again. I smile and then he does. Then I hear a voice. A high pitched irritating sketched forever to my brain voice.

"Andre?" The voice yelps out. It's Liz and following right behind her. Ian.

Chapter Twenty-Three

My eyes pop open as I watch him walk up to us. I slowly let go of Andre's hand. Trying not to make it seem too obvious. I look at Ian's face, and I know it well enough to know that he saw. He saw me kiss Andre. And he knows that I know he knows.

"Hey, Beth. Ian. What you guys doing out?"

"Oh, well we were just looking at some stuff for the wedding. Flowers and things like that. What are you and Lala doing out?" I roll my eyes.I'm pretty sure she calls me the wrong name on purpose now. If not, her memory is worst than Dory from Finding Nemo.

"We just saw a movie. Just walking around now. Hey Ian, what's up with you? You look mad. Liz got you buying more shit?"

Ian puts a fake smile on. He glances over at me then answers Andre.

"Nah, just tired, you know your sister, dragging me to 20 different stores today."

"Two months bro. Almost done."

"Yeah, Liz we should get going."

"Yeah, yeah. Ok be safe kids. Why are you talking like that?" I hear Liz ask Ian as they walk away.

That was awkward. Maybe more than it should have been. I watched as they walk away. My pain shoots from my stomach down from my chest. All I could think about was the pain I just saw on Ian's face. Andre starts talking but I can't really hear what he's saying. We cross the street and go to this late-night coffee house. I order a tea and Andre ordered something. When we sit down, I started being focused again.

"I have a question for you Andre."

"Sure."

"Why is it that Liz, has pale skin, blue eyes and long blonde hair. And you got darker skin, brown eyes and curly brown hair? I mean you both kinda look alike, but not that much."

"You mean, why is she white?"

"Yeah." We both laugh.

"Oh, well she's my half sister. My mom was pregnant with her with she met my dad. Her dad disappeared and my dad raised her like his own. Then I came along."

"Wow, your dad's a cool guy. Taking care of someone else's kid like that."

"Yeah, well he had always wanted kids, wanted a big family but his wife at the time didn't. So when my mom came along, he thought it was a blessing."

"Your dad was married when he started seeing your mom?"

"Well yeah, but she turned out to be a lesbian. His first wife. She's a family friend now."

"Oh, so it worked out for everyone then."

"Yep. I always tell her, her being gay was the best thing that could have ever happen, otherwise, my parents would have never met."

I kinda space out again. My mind started drifting back to Ian. How he was feeling, what he was doing. I sip on my tea, and Andre got quiet. My mind started to wonder. And Andre saw that too.

"You ok?" He asked.

"Yeah, I'm fine. My friend is staying with me. He just got out of the hospital."

"Oh, is he ok? What happened?"

"He was shot. He's fine but he can't walk."

"Oh. How long is he gonna be staying with you?"

"I don't know yet. He doesn't really have anyone else, so I'm gonna help as long as he needs me to."

"Oh, ok. That's sweet of you."

Andre's attitude seemed to change a little. Like he didn't like what I was saying. But I just brushed it off. It could just be me. Over analyzing. We finished our drinks and he walked me to my car.

"I had a good time." He said as I got in my car.

"Me too. Thank you. I needed to get out."

"I'm glad I could help. I'll call you tomorrow?"

"Yeah."

"Ok. Goodnight."

"Night."

When I got home, Toby had gotten in my bed and went to sleep. I was surprised to see he did it himself. I'm glad that I didn't have to do it. I don't want him to feel like I'm babying him, like he's helpless. I changed into my sweats and a tank top and laid on the couch. I was asleep before I even knew it.

-

I woke up to the ringing of my phone. It was 8:30. Saturday morning. Not really the way I like to wake up on Saturdays but. I grab the phone without even looking who it was.

"Hello." I answer. My voice as tired as I was.

"Luna." Was all the voice answered with. But I knew who it was. Of course. Mister Ian Hanson himself. I sit up a little trying to sound a little more awake.

"Yeah."

"Did I wake you?"

"Yeah kinda. What's up?"

"I.. Can I see you?"

"Ok. Like now?"

"Um.. In a couple hours is fine about 10."

"Ok. Where you want me to meet you?"

"I can come get you actually. If that's ok."

"Yeah. That's fine."

"Ok. I'll be by at 10."

"K."

I hang up the phone and lay back down. I know he's gonna want to talk about last night. I just know it. Honestly, I don't. I don't feel like I should have to explain myself to him. Especially something like that. Not with him getting married and all. I drag myself up off the couch and go to my bedroom. Toby is awake sitting up on the bed.

"Good morning." He smiles.

"Good morning."

I go in my closet and pull out some clothes.

"Going somewhere?"

"Yeah, a little later. You want some breakfast or something?"

"I'll make it." He pulls his chair closer to the bed and turns backwards. Slipping himself into the chair. I watch how graceful he is with it. He catches my eye.

"What?"

"Nothing." I answer. Taking the clothes and walking into the bathroom.

I got changed and pulled my hair down. I threw some water in it and shook it out. I just let my curls hang. I haven't worn my hair down in a while. I think it makes me look twelve . My whole outfit actually. I felt very thirteen. Which is usually how I feel when I'm with Ian anyways.

Toby was in the living room, eating a bowl of cereal.

"I thought you were gonna make breakfast." I snapped at him.

"This is breakfast."

"You're eating fruity pebbles."

"Maybe I'm trying to maintain my youth."

"Whatever."

"You are too. You look like a character from a Nick Jr. show."

"I do not."

"Yeah, you do."

I start to answer back, but walk in my room instead to finish dressing. Then there's a knock on the door.

"I'll get it." Toby shouts and before I could stop him, he was rolling his way to the front door. He opens it and I hear his voice greeting someone. He rolls back and Ian steps in.

"Nice to meet you." Ian says shaking Toby's hand.

"You too man. Lu, Ian's here."

"I've hear a lot about you Toby. How you holding up?"

"That's weird. I haven't heard anything about you Michael."

"It's Ian. Actually, Michael is my middle name.

"Oh, my bad. Lu." He shouts again.

"Damn Toby, shut the hell up. I'll be back later." I grab Ian's arm and we walk out.

"Nice to meet you." He said again to Toby before I close the door.

"Sorry about Toby." I say as I put my jacket on.

"Don't worry about it. I'm sure he's going through somethings right now."

Ian opens the car door and I get in. When he gets in the car. He just sits there and stares at me. I try not to look back. I look out the window.

"Luna, please look at me." He said so sweetly, I have no choice but to look. I turn my head slowly and his hand meets my chin. He turns my face so I'm facing him completely. Then rubs his hand down my jaw line. I close my eyes a little. It's been so long since he's touch me. I pull my hand up to his and hold it.

"What's going on?" He lets go of my face and starts the car up.

"What do you mean?"

"You transferred from the office, you moving guys in, dating other ones."

"Why does any of that matter to you?" He looks off of the road and glances at me, then back.

"You know damn well why it matters. You like him or something?"

"Who?"

"You know who. Andre."

"What if I do?"

"Do you or don't you?"

"What do you think?"

"Well, from that kiss last night, I would say you like him. A lot."

"Ok."

"Ok what? You like him?"

"Ok. You can think that."

"Dammit Luna, just answer the question."

"Honestly Ian, I don't have to answer that. You know why? Because you're engaged to be married. To someone else."

"Do you want me to say I won't marry her. If that's what I have to do for you to be with me then, fine, I won't marry her."

"Shut up. You're just saying that. Because if you really didn't want to marry her and be with me, you would have done it by now."

"Don't do that. Don't do that to me Luna."

"Do what to you? You're doing it to yourself. I didn't choose to fall in love with you, it happened, but I didn't ask you to love me back either."

"You love me?"

"What?" Crap. What did I just let slip from my mouth?

"You said you didn't choose to fall in love with me. Meaning you love me. Do you?"

"Where are we going?" I really didn't want to talk about it and hoped he would just drop it. I didn't even realize what I had said. It's like my mind was speaking for me. Before he answered, we pulled up in a parking lot to a cemetery. He comes to my side of the car and opens the door. He holds his hand out for me to grab. I take it reluctantly. He walks me to the middle of the field, past graves and tombstones. We stop in front of a Mae Hanson.

"This is my mom. Mom, this is Luna." I smile.

"Nice to meet you." I say. I look over to Ian.

"She would have liked you. She always told me to find someone like her. And I think I did." He smiles.

"Can I talk to her? Alone?"

"Sure, I gotta make a call anyways."

He walks away and I sit on the grass. I look at the tombstone. "Mae Hanson. Live by the sun." It said. Just like Ian's Tattoo

"Sorry if I'm bad at this. Never done it before. Your son. He's wonderful. More than wonderful. He's.. Well, he makes me realize things I didn't before. I never thought I was worth loving. I didn't know I was capable of it either. He makes me see the best and worst in me. Parts of me I thought were too dark to see. He's like my own little sunshine."

I felt a tear slip pass my eye. More soon followed.

"He over looks the bad I've done. My mistakes, my flaws. My imperfections. And sometimes, I just hate him for it. Because I can't. I can't look past all my own imperfections. So why can he? And I'm not even sure if I love myself, so how can I love him? I know who he is, but not me. He's so... what's the word, so in tune with himself and everyone around him that he knows exactly who he is and exactly who I am. He knows my fears and my dreams and my desires. But he doesn't know what he wants. He says he loves me not her. So why is she the one he's with? Why? I don't... I don't get it. But I guess it doesn't matter anymore. I can't do it. Play this game of love with him. If I can't have all of him, then I don't want him."

I shut my eyes. Focusing on what I just said. I mean it. All of it. As much as it hurts me to say. I mean it. I wipe the tears from my face.

"Thanks for listening to me. I know how much you mean to him, and wish we could have met, on better circumstances." I stand and go back to the car. Ian is looking down at his phone when I walk up.

"How'd it go?" He ask.

"I think it went well."

"Good. Give me five minutes?"

"Of course."

I sat in the car and watched him from a distant, talk to his mother. Almost exactly five minutes. He came back to the car and we left. It was quiet most of the ride back. I didn't know what to say. And I guess he didn't either. We would just occasionally glance at each other. When we park in front my apartments, Ian decides to say something.

"I've never taking anyone to see my mother. You're the first person I've ever brought to meet her."

"Not even your bride-to-be?"

"Luna. The whole Liz situation. I told you I don't love her."

"Then why marry her?"

"It's complicated."

"Then make it uncomplicated."

He doesn't say anything. He just looks at me. Like he's lost. I wait. And wait, but he doesn't say anything. I get out out the car and he follows behind.

"Liz wait." I stop. I feel my chest drop. And for a moment the world stops turning. I know he knows it too. Because he doesn't say anything else. I turn to face him and walk back to him.

"Luna, I am so sor..."

"No, you're not sorry. Because if you were sorry, you would have fixed this a long time ago. But you didn't. You let this go on for too long, I don't know what I was thinking. Maybe it's my fault. Maybe when I saw you weren't stopping it, I should have. We've been going back and forth on this. Acting like we could ever really be together. Pretending that you were really going to leave her. I mean a girl can only take so much waiting Ian. I can only be here for you for so long. We've been doing this run around for months. If I don't stop it now, It could go on for years. I should have stopped it, the moment I knew you were going to marry her, but better late then never. Goodbye Ian."

"Not goodbye. See you later?" He whispers almost in a cry.

"No, goodbye."

I turn and walk into the house. I leaned against the door and I break down and cry. I cry like I've never cried before. I cried from a place I don't think I've ever cried before. Someplace inside of me that I didn't know before. A place that Ian opened and he was the only one with a key to get in. It wasn't to my heart. But something much deeper, something much more fragile. It was my soul. Another piece of me gone.

### Chapter Twenty-Four

Monday morning, I went to the office and told them I would have to finish the internship a week early. I just couldn't risk seeing Ian. They said they would give me credit for the time I was there and when they asked why I had to quit, I told them I had to take care of my handicap friend. I felt kinda bad about dragging Toby into it, but it was true. I did need to take care of him, it just wasn't the reason why I quit. I already quit my dancing job. The state was paying me to help Toby and with my coffee house job, and no hospital bills, I was making enough. It was nice to have Toby around the last few weeks. I've been a mess. I didn't have to do it alone. It finally seemed like I was getting my old friend back. We watched corny movies and played video games. Like old times.

Me and Toby were sitting on the couch watching a old martial arts movie. I was laying my head on his shoulder all cuddled up. I was tired.

"You sleepy?" he asked me.

"A little, but I want to finish the movie." I slap my hand on his thigh and he looks at me.

"What?"

"Well, you know since I got shot, I.. I haven't been with anyone. Came out of the hospital straight here. And while I was there, you know, I asked the doctor a lot of questions about... You know."

He looks down. And I know exactly what he's getting at."

"No, no Toby."

"No, not that. But like a little dance or something?"

"You want me to give you.. A lap dance?"

"I just wanna see how he reacts."

"He who?"

"T.J. Toby jr."

"Oh gosh, you named the damn thing. That's just gross!"

"Please. I'm asking as a friend. Strictly as a friend."

"Can't you just... Pet it or whatever?"

"I've tried. It's not enough. Please. I just want to know that I'm still a man."

"Having a penis isn't enough?"

"Lu?"

"No, no. Go to bed."

"But this is the only way, I would know."

"Well I guess you'll never know then. Call your doctor tomorrow and ask him. Now get off my bed."

He gets in his chair and rolls to the room.

-

"Where are your parents?" I sit on a chair in Andre's room.

"They're out of town for the weekend."

"Oh, ok."

"You want anything to drink, to eat or something."

"Yeah, I'll take some water.

"We got that lemonade flavor water stuff, you want that?

"Sure."

Andre goes out the room to get the drinks. I look around his room. It's so plain. Nothing on the walls or tables. Just a huge tv, a iMac and one desk. I thought his room would be a little more something. My thought is interrupted by my cell phone ringing. It's Ian. I almost don't answer it. It's been two weeks since I told him goodbye. Why is he calling now? I guess I won't know until I ask.

"Hello."

"Luna. Hi how are you?" He says sweetly.

"I'm fine. How are you?"

".. Busy. I've been better. Um, what are you doing?"

"Ian, the small talk..."

"No, no, it's not like that."

"I'm, hanging with Andre at his house."

"Oh. Well I don't want to keep you. It was nice hearing your voice."

"You too.Ian."

"Ok. Bye."

"Bye."

I hang up and Andre walks in with the drinks. He hands me mine.

"Thank you." I take a sip and sit the drink on the table.

"It's good right?"

"Yeah."

"I like hanging out with you Lulu."

"Me too. It's nice to just chill with a friend sometimes." I see his face drop a little. I know he feels a little more for me than I do for him. I pick up my glass again and drink. I start feeling a little warm. I don't want to have to hurt his feelings, but I just can't lie and say I feel something for him that I don't.

"Yeah, I wanted to talk about that. We've been hanging out for a little while now, and you know I like you. Why are you sitting in the corner, come closer, I'm not gonna bite."

I move from the chair and sit on the edge of the bed next to him.

"Ok, I like you, you're funny and pretty and just cool to be around. I guess what I'm asking is, do I have a shot?" I pause. Still drinking from my glass. It gives me a chance to think of something to say.

"Andre, I like hanging out with you, but I like hanging with you as my friend. I don't think I can give you more than that right now."

I say calmly to him. Then out of no where I feel my eyes trying to shut. My whole body feels tired. I blink my eyes a couple of times, trying to shake myself out of it.

"You ok Lulu?" He ask touching my shoulder.

"I just feel...drowsy." And then Andre kisses me. I push him back, but then he comes at me again.

"Andre stop. Something's not right." He doesn't move. Like he doesn't hear me. I keep pushing, but with every push I feel weaker.

"Stop." I say again, then I shout it. He doesn't stop. He tries to push me back and I hit him in his face. He sits up, and then looks at me. I see something in his eyes I've never seen before. He stops for a beat and then throws me back. Pinning both of my arms down with one of his hands. I start kicking and trying to move. He runs his free hand down my side and over my jeans button. No. No was all I could think. I realize what he's doing and I was trying to fight back hard. But my body won't. Tears start pouring down and I still try to escape his hold. I'm too weak. He unzips my pants and pull them over my thighs.

"No..no.. Stop please stop." I scream. He lets go of my hands and grabs my throat, cutting off my voice and my air. I choke. He starts fumbling with his belt buckle as I'm still trying to kick. I can't breathe. I feel like I'm going to pass out. He lets go of my neck and holds my hands together again. I choke on air. Coughing and wheezing. He reaches for my underwear and tries pulling them down. I move so he can't. And he hits me across the face. I felt it on my cheek. The pain shot down to my jawbone. But I can't move. It's taking all the energy in my body I have left. And he hits me again. And again. My face in numb with pain. I'm so focused on it and forget about the rest of my body. He gets them down.

"Stop fighting. I know you want it." He says to me. All I could do was cry. And plead. My mind starts spacing out. I'm weak and tired. He lifts up my shirt and rubs his hand all over my chest and stomach. Then leans down and kisses me. I move my face but he grabs it with both of his hands and holds me still. I can't move. I can't fight. I can't do anything. I'm helpless. He reaches in his pants and then slowly pushes his way inside of me. My body suddenly gained all feelings back. It was a pain I didn't know I could feel. I stopped my breathing. Knotted my stomach. He move inside of me to a rhythm. In and out slowly. Every time hurts more than the first. I lost. I lost the fight. I don't even move anymore. I don't scream. I turn my face into the bed and shut my eyes. I thought I was going to die. My breath was shallow. I couldn't think. All I could hear was him. He's breathing and groans and grunts. I felt it on my skin. I look at the clock on the wall. What seemed to be forever was only three minutes. Three minutes. In three minutes, he took away the most precious thing I have. He took away my everything. Out of no where. He stops. He pops his head up like he heard something. Then keeps going. But now I'm listening and I do hear something. Footsteps. I take everything I got and scream.

"Help, help me please...someone help me." He hits me in my mouth, and I could taste the blood pouring into my mouth.

"Luna?" I hear the voice call out to me.

"Luna? Baby where are you?" It's Ian.

Andre pulls off of me and hops up, but before he can even stand, Ian come though the door. He catches Andre and throws him against the wall. The room is spinning, everything is fuzzy. All I can do is lay there. Andre punches Ian it the stomach a couple times and Ian throws him on the ground. Ian's on top and hits Andre in the face, over and over and over again until I see him cough up blood. Ian rushes over to me and pulls my pants over me. He carries me in both of his arms. I press my face into his chest and wrap my arms around his neck. Tightly. Like if I let go, I might fly away. He walks down the stairs and to the car. He places me in gently. I'm so physically, mentally and emotionally tired I pass out before we even leave the drive way.

Chapter Twenty-Five

I wake up screaming at the top of my lungs. I could swear I felt someone on top of me. Ian comes over and sits on the bed and grabs me. Holding me in his arms. I didn't even notice that I was crying.

"Shh..shh.. You're ok now. I got you baby. It's ok." He rocks me back and forth and I calm down. I lean back into the bed. Which isn't mine. I'm not home. So I assume I'm at Ian's."

"Luna. How do you feel?"

I hear him. But I don't answer. My face feels puffy. I reach up to it, where he had hit me. Half of my face is swollen. My lip too.

"Don't touch it baby. Don't touch it. I got you a ice pack."

He reaches down and picks it up and places it on the right side of my face. My skin is so hot that the coolness felt nice. I try sitting up, but I'm still weak.

"Rest baby. Just rest." Ian says. He reaches for my hand, but I pull back fast.

Ian stands up and leaves the room. I hold the pack against my face for a few more minutes and then fall back asleep. Or I try to. Every time I close my eyes, I see his face. The look he gave me right before he attacked me. It haunts me. I cry even in my sleep now.

-

The next time I wake up, I finally have enough energy to move and get up. I stumble to the bathroom and stand in front of the mirror. I have my eyes shut, then open them slowly. Afraid of what I'm going to see.

My face. Black and blue. My eye half swollen. My lip too. The pain is creeping back in. I feel it. I feel the inside of me too. I'm sore. I think I hurt more there than in my face. It's the reason I can't walk right. It hurts too much. But I try and make my way back to the bed. Ian walks in and helps me to the bed.

"How do you feel Luna?"

"Like someone just stole my everything from me. My trust. My innocents. My hopes. My dreams."

Ian looked mad. Something I don't see in him much.

"Luna, when I saw him... When I walked in. I thought I was going to kill him. I have never felt so much anger inside of me before. And I am sorry. So sorry he did this to you."

"Why did you come? To the house."

"Honestly, I don't know. When I talked to you, I told myself that was enough, but something just pushed me to see you. Before I knew it, I was in my car driving to you. I guess I just didn't like the way we ended things, I thought you being there would give a good excuse to see you. But it's good I did in time, if he would have hurt you anymore, I don't know what I would have done to him. Just the thought of losing you..."

Ian stops. He looked down at the ground and shuts his eyes. I rub my hand down his back. It hurts me to see him hurt. I wish I could take all the pain away. Mine, and his. But I know that it will make us grow. Together.

\--

"Have you call Toby? Does he know where I am?" I shout to Ian from the couch to the kitchen.

"I told him you were here, I didn't say why?"

"He wasn't wondering why I haven't been home in four days? How is he getting groceries? Getting to therapy?"

"Well, I had this little thing called a driver, sent to pick him up for whatever he needed. Food, appointments, dates, whatever."

"Why are you so nice to people? Toby was a jerk when you met him."

"True, but that doesn't mean I have to be a jerk back. And if I help you by helping him, then that's what I will do." I smile a little. Speaking of therapy, do you think you're going to see one?" Ian ask.

I'm a little shocked that he did.

"Why?" I ask back, flipping through the channels of the tv.

"To help you. You know why."

"I don't think I need to. They're just gonna tell me stuff I already know. How it's my fault, I was dumb and stupid..."

"Stop! Is that what you think? That it was your fault?" Ian comes to me on the couch.

"It was. I mean, I shouldn't have kissed him, I shouldn't have went over there. I shouldn't have..."

"Listen to me Luna. This was not your fault. He's a sick bastard. Do you understand?"

I nod my head. But I can't help but feel like it was still my fault. That if I would have done something different, said something different, then maybe it wouldn't have happened. I still can't believe it did. Every single night, I have nightmares about it. So bad that I'm afraid to even sleep now. I've been at Ian's house since it happened and I sleep in his bed. Alone. Before this all happened I would have welcomed the idea of being able to sleep next to Ian. To have him hold me and rock me to sleep. But now, I can barely look him in the eyes. Stand him touching me. I wish I could let him hold me. Especially now when I need it the most. But I just can't.

"I'll think about it." I said. He kisses the top of my head. Then I try to distract from the topic before anything else comes up.

"I've been here for four days, and Liz hasn't been by. I don't see any girly things no shoes, clothes, pink anything. What's up with that?"

"She doesn't live here."

"You guys don't live together?"

"Nope."

"And why? She is your soon-to-be-wife."

Ian looks a little uncomfortable. Like I was a little kid asking where babies come from.

"Well, we just never got around to it."

"And what about after you got married? You live here and she'll live... Wherever she is?"

"We ... Luna, I don't really want to talk about it right now."

"Too bad, we are. What? What were you gonna say?"

"We were gonna buy a house. After the wedding."

"Oh. I see. And have you spoken to her since, you know?"

"Yeah. Andre apparently thought it would be a good idea to get out of town for a while. Which is good for him, cause I probably would have killed him the next time I saw him."

"Ian."

"I mean it. I mean it with all my heart. Luna, if you could understand the rage I had when I found you. When I started hitting him. I wasn't sure if I would stop. But I took one look at you. And even though it could have pushed me right over the edge, you pulled me back in. You stopped me. I love you too damn much."

There it goes again. The L word. I still don't know how to respond to it. Although I slipped up once and kinda hinted that I love him, I still can't say it back. To his face. But just like clockwork. His phone rings. He doesn't even leave to answer it.

"Hello... yeah. I'm kinda busy.. yeah yeah I know. Can't you just reschedule for sometime next week. I told you I'm busy. Fine then, I'll be there in 45 minutes." He hangs up. I pretend like I wasn't listening.

"Where you going?" I ask him sweetly.

"Um, to taste cakes."

"Oh, well, have fun."

He stands up from the bed, the pause.

"I already know what your answer will be, but I think you should get out. You wanna come with?"

"To taste cakes? For your wedding? No thanks."

"I kinda want you to come."

"No. Not really in the mood. And plus, your fiancé hates me."

"She hates everyone. Look she's bring her friend and her friend's boyfriend so it won't be all weird."

"Yes it will."

"Look. Liz knows that we're at least friends. I talk about you all the time. So she's not gonna think anything weird."

"You talk about me to her?"

"I mean, she thinks we're friends. She knows I'm with you a lot. She doesn't know details."

"She thinks we're friends? Well what are we Ian?"

"Please Luna. Not now."

"No, I just wanna know. Cause if I'm not your "friend" then honestly, I don't know what I am to you."

"I don't know how to say it."

"Well, I'm not your friend, I'm not your girlfriend and I'm not your wife. There's not many other things I can be."

"You're.. Damn, your about to make me sound really corny. Luna, when I'm with you, I'm who I am. Who I truly am. I don't have to be smart or rich. I don't have to impress you with expensive gifts or fancy restraints. And we don't need them to have fun. You are everything I could possibly dream about having and so much more. I'm never happy unless I'm with you. Never. I truly believe you are the sole reason why I exist. And that's not something I have ever been able to say about anyone else in this world."

I hate him. He can't go telling me I'm the reason for his existence. Telling me things like that. It plays with my mind. My heart. It effects me because I feel the same. I just would have never been able to find the words to say so.

"Why are you marrying her?" I ask like he didn't just say everything he did. He takes a deep breath.

"Before I met you. I was just a pawn in my fathers game to be on top. That's all life has ever been for him. A game. And the people in it were just chess pieces. They all had a role to play in his race to success. Mine, is to marry Elizabeth. My father and her father had made plans for us. Big plans. We started dating for the sole purpose that our families would be one. Sounds all medieval right. But together, because my father company and her father company were once rivals, when I took over, half of whatever I owned would also be my wife's. keeping both of our father businesses in one family. It once seemed like a good idea. Being with Liz use to be easy. And then she got high maintenance, started spending all my money. Just bitching at me all the time. I have broken up with her a million times. Our fathers push us back together. I've called off the wedding twice. Once when she said some dumb ass comment about my mom."

He pauses. And just looks at me. For the first time in four days I can actually look back at him in his eyes.

"When was the second time?" I ask. Never breaking his eye contact.

"The day I fell in love with you. Truth of it is My father kept threatening to take me off his will if the wedding didn't happen. I could careless at this point. There's not enough money in the world that could stop me from loving you. Now he's sick and dying. Pushing his whole company on my shoulders and all the responsibility that comes with it. Liz father maybe the only one who can help. Naturally and of course he wouldn't help if I broke up with his daughter. So please, don't think as this wedding as a love thing."

"Then what is it?"

"It's more like a .... Business proposition. Something to get done for the sole benefit of the company. And so my father's 'Great' name can live on."

"Well when you put it like that. It makes sense." I say sarcastically.

"So? You'll come?"

"Whatever. But the second she gets all in my face..."

"Yeah yeah I know. I won't let it get that far.."

Chapter Twenty-Six

"Here we have 25 different kinds of cakes. From white to rainbow. Please take your time in choosing."

The man left the table. There were a lot of pieces of cake on it. Different colors and textures. Cakes I didn't even know existed. Me and Ian sat on one side of the table while Liz and her two friends sat across from us. Right away they started tasting the cakes. Chatting about the cake like a bunch of school girls chatting about boys. Me and Ian took our time. Tasting. Really enjoying the cake.

"Babe, try this one. I like it a lot."

Liz leans over and hands Ian a piece of white cake with caramel and some kind of nut all over it. Ian takes it and looks at it.

"I can't eat that." He says to her. He looks over at me then back at Liz. She looks confused. I know he was checking to see if I had the same look. Of course not because I know he's allergic to nuts.

"It's good."

"It has nuts in it. I'm allergic."

"I thought that was cheese."

"That too."

"Well, I like it. So maybe you just won't eat any cake at the wedding then." She laughs at her own joke and then her friends join in.

"This isn't enough, I'm gonna see what else they have."

All three of them get up and leave the table. It's just me and Ian left.

"I like this one. It's graham cracker cheesecake." Ian takes a piece off the fork and brings it to my mouth. I take it.

"Can you eat that?" I ask.

"Yeah, this is fine." He laughs.

"That's a good one. That's my vote." I say

"Mine too. Thanks for coming Luna."

"Yeah, I just figured it was about time I get out of the house."

"I'm glad you did."

I pause and look at Ian. The way we use to. Where we would just stare into each other's eyes and the whole world would stop. I'm finally getting that feeling back. Where nothing else in the world could make me happier than when I'm with him. But of course this feeling doesn't last very long before Liz's screeching voice comes back.

"Ian, O.M.G they said they can do a eight tier."

"You don't think that's too much cake?"

"Of course not. A lot of people are coming." She looks over at me like she wants to say something. But then decides against it.

"Maybe a four layered one would be good enough."

"No, I want eight."

"Liz, how much does that cost?"

"About 1400."

"1400 dollars? For a cake? How many people are coming?"

"350."

"Do we know 350 people?"

"Friends, family, family friends, friends of friends and their family. Yeah we do."

"No, I'm pretty sure I don't. Not close enough to invite them to our wedding."

Our wedding. He says. He looks at me quickly and back to Liz. She doesn't notice cause she's rolling her eyes.

"Invitations have already been since. Most have R.S.V.P'd so it doesn't really matter what you think. I'm getting the cake."

"Whatever Liz, do whatever you want."

"Don't worry, I will." She walks back to the baker.

"I don't understand her sometimes." He sighs and sits down.

"I don't think I'll ever understand her. I don't see how you can do it."

He laughs a little.

"Lulu, we're spending close to 50,000 dollars on this."

"Interesting."

"Interesting?"

"Yeah. Interesting."

"You know Luna, No matter how well I think I know you. You always turn into a mystery to me."

"Good. I don't want you figuring me out all the time."

"You know I will one day though. Do you wanna grab something to eat? Liz and her crew are leaving for L.A after this."

"I'm good, I think I'm just gonna go home."

"Luna, you know you haven't been eating much lately. I don't want you to get sick or anything."

"What are you, my father? I'm fine, I'm not hungry."

"I know, that's what you keep saying. I think this cake is the first thing I've seen you stick in your mouth for two days."

"I'm fine. Honestly. I'll eat when I get home."

"Promise?" He looked at me with his big hazel eyes.

"I promise." Truth is I really wasn't hungry. I haven't been all week. And if I do. I feel like it's gonna come back up.

Chapter Twenty-Seven

After the cake tasting, Ian took me home.

"Remember to eat." Ian said as I stepped out of the car.

"First thing." I smile back at him and close the door behind me.

Toby was pretty happy to see me.

"Ian said make sure you eat?"

"I just got out of the car. He called you?"

"Yea."

I look around the apartment, and it's a mess. I was only gone for a few days.

"Damn Toby. It's just you here. How did you trashed the whole place?"

"It's kinda hard to get around to put stuff away, you know."

"Whatever." I start cleaning. Picking up pop cans and dirty clothes. I can't believe he let the place get so bad. My house has never looked this way.

"I'll clean it up Lu, my bad." Toby says.

"Oh, now you want to clean, after I've started already."

"Damn, I'm just trying to help."

Right when he said that, I snapped. I don't know why, but I did, and I started yelling.

"Toby, you could have helped by not destroying it in the first place. I mean really? You're a grown ass man, I'm not a maid and I'm not your mama, I shouldn't have to pick your shit up after you."

"Lu, I just said I would get it."

"That's not my point." I take a deep breath and try to calm myself, but its not working. I feel myself get hot and I start sweating. The room around me was spinning and I couldn't breathe.

"Lu, you ok?" I hear Toby's voice ask, but I don't respond to it. I can't. I feel like I'm choking. And then my mind goes back. To Andre attacking me. I fall to the floor and start crying. Trying to breathe but it seems like that no matter how hard I'm trying no air is reaching my lungs. I ball up, still on the floor. I hear Toby's voice again, but can't hear what he's saying. My body disappears. It goes numb. Like the feeling I got when my mother died. That same feeling. Like I wasn't connected to my body. My face and lungs get tired of crying. So I stop. But I still can't feel myself. I'm numb again. And I just sit there quiet. Toby is still calling out my name but I can't respond. I'm not understanding. It's like I was watching him watching me. I don't know how long I was the on the ground. Not moving, not speaking. Maybe an half an hour. Then all of a sudden. I feel a hand brush against my face. I turn my face to find Ian. Before I had a chance to move again, I'm in his arms. Him carrying me like a baby. I wrap my arms around his neck and just lay my head against him. He walks me to my bedroom and lays me on the bed. He leans over me and I reach out my hand to touch his face. I'm tired and weak. I feel it in my movements.

"Luna, what happened?"

"I don't know. Why did you.. Get here? Why are you here?" I ask weakly.

"Toby called me. He said something was wrong with you. Are you ok?"

"I'm fine."

"You're not fine. Something's wrong."

"I'm fine. Yeah, I'm fine."

"Then why can't you tell me what just happened? Do you even remember?"

"I.. yeah, fine, I am I am." My words start coming out mixed and out of order and I don't even know what I'm saying. I can't think. I just keep rubbing my hand on Ian's face.

"Luna, you're sick. You haven't been eating, you haven't been sleeping."

"I..I am fine..I'm fine." I try sitting up but I can't feel my body still. It's still numb. Ian places his arm against my face and forehead.

"You have a fever. A bad one." Ian sits up and is about to stand. I reach out and grab his hand. Fast.

"No, no." Is all I say In a faint whisper. Before I past out.

Chapter Twenty-Eight

When I woke up I was in a hospital. Tubes and cords connected to my nose and arms. Ian is asleep in a chair by a window. And Toby is on the other side of him. My mouth is dry. And my lips stick together. I cough and Ian's head pops up. He sits straight up and stands to walk to me.

"Hi." I say weakly. My voice cracks. He brushes hair from my head and smiles.

"Hi. How you feel?" He ask.

"Thirsty." He goes to the table beside me and grabs a cup. I sit up a little and take the cup. I gulp it down. It's so cold.

"How do you feel? Do you remember what happened?"

I shake my head no.

"I don't really remember anything. Bits and pieces. Like I remember crying and then seeing you, but nothing else really. What happened?"

"You kinda had a breakdown. A panic attack, and you were dehydrated."

"Why?" I look up at him, and I could see in his eyes that there was something he wasn't telling me."

"Let me get the doctor, she'll explain."

"No, I don't want a doctor to explain, I want you to tell me."

"Luna, really, she can tell you a lot better than I can. I'll be back." He walks out of the room and comes back with the doctor.

"Hello Luna, I'm Doctor Hart. How do you feel?"

"I'm fine."

"You look well. So pretty much you're here because you were having a panic attack and you also hadn't been eating much and your body was responding to that negatively."

"Yeah I understand that. Just kinda been going through some stuff this week."

"I was informed about that." I look at Ian. But he wouldn't look back. He just looked at the doctor. He told her? What happened to me?

"Oh really?" I say upset.

"It was important for us to understand why you haven't been eating and having anxiety. And it's not uncommon for women who have gone though a traumatic experience to breakdown the way you did."

Tears start falling from my eyes. Ian reaches out to grab my hand, but I move it. For some reason I'm really mad at him right now.

"How long before I can go home?"

"You may leave whenever you feel well enough to, but we would advise staying at least for the rest of the day just so we can be sure everything is alright. Also we advise you speaking to someone about your situation and what happened to you. So we can prevent something like this happing again."

"Yeah, so I can leave?"

The doctor seems confused.

"Of course. Let me prepare your release."

"Luna, she said you should stay until tomorrow." Ian sits on the bed beside me.

"I don't want to, I want to go home."

"You think you're well enough?"

"I feel fine, I already told you."

"I think you should stay." He says in a stern voice.

"Honestly Ian, I don't really give a damn about what you THINK I should do. I don't want to stay here. And I'm not talking to someone about my 'situation' either."

"You need to talk about it."

"I don't want to." I scream at him. And Toby wakes up. But he don't say anything.

"Look, that's great and all that you're trying to look out for me, but you can go now, I can take care of myself."

"Don't do that Lulu, don't push me away right now. Don't push me away from you."

"You're not with me Ian. I'm not with you. You are nothing to me and I am nothing to you. Tell me, why do you even care? Why?"

"I'm trying to help you?"

"Help me? It's you're fucking fault I'm here in the first place! If I never would have met you, I never would have went to the damn party and met him and he wouldn't have ever done this to me. It's your fault! You did this to me. You did!"

I turn and look at Toby.

"You can leave too. Bye."

"Stop it Luna! Are you even listening to yourself? Do you hear what your saying?"

"Just get out, leave me alone. Get out of my life. I don't want to ever see you again, I hate you!"

Ian doesn't say anything else. He just walks out. And Toby follows behind him. Not saying a word. I'm mad. Dangerously mad right now. A nurse walks in.

"Ok, everything is ready for you to check out Miss Stone. Will you be needing transportation services."

"Yeah."

She walks over and disconnects me from the machines. I grab my clothes off of the chair and put them on.

"Doctor Hart also gave me a list of psychologist and specialists for you to speak to."

She hands me the piece of paper and I throw it in my purse.

-

When I got home. No one was there. I was alone. And I didn't like it. My stomach felt like it was turning and my chest started to hurt. Like I couldn't breathe. So I ran outside. I took a few deep breaths. What's wrong with me? I feel like I'm going crazy. I'm doing and saying things I don't even understand why. I pull out the piece of paper the doctor gave me of people to talk to. I called the first number on the list and she said I could come in right away.

Chapter Twenty-Nine

"Hi Luna, I'm Doctor Lisa Franklin. I'm glad you could come in today." She sits in a chair across from the couch I'm sitting on. I'm fidgety. Playing with my hands and nails. Shaking my leg at a million miles a hour. I'm nervous. But don't know why.

"Dr. Hart explained to me what has been going on these last few days for you and thought it'll be best if you spoke to someone."

"I don't really have anything to say." I tap my foot as fast as I move my leg. It's making a noise against the wood floor that I didn't even notice until the doctor looked down by my feet.

"Well, how about we start with how you feel right now. Why are you so anxious right now?"

"I don't know."

"Have you been doing that lately?"

"I guess. Kinda."

"And you don't know why?"

"No, I don't know why. Do you?"

I snap at her. She seems to ignore it. Because she moves to a new question.

"What made you want to come in today? When I spoke to Doctor Hart earlier, she expressed to me that you didn't really have a desire to come in today."

"When I got home, no one was there, I don't know, I just started feeling like I did last night. Having chest pain and dizzy."

"You remember your attack last night? How'd it felt?"

"Yeah kinda."

"And how did it feel?"

"I just told you. I felt dizzy, my chest felt like it was gonna burst. I couldn't breathe."

"And what were you doing right before your attack?"

"I was.... Screaming."

"At who?"

"Toby."

"Who's Toby?"

"He's... My friend. He's been staying with me for a while."

"So he's a roommate?"

"No, I'm more like his caregiver. He's paralyzed right now and needed some help."

"You help people out a lot?"

"When I can I guess." I stopped shaking my leg. I started to calm down a little. But I still felt antsy.

"Who else have you helped?"

"Well, I used to do a lot for my mom."

"Like what?"

"Before she got really sick, I took care of the both of us. I had two jobs. Paid the bills. Brought groceries. Then when she was in the hospital, I paid those bills, got her anything she needed."

"How is your mother now?"

"Dead."

"I'm sorry to hear that."

"Yeah, well people die. Look are we just gonna sit here and talk about my life and what happened in the past? Or are you gonna tell me what's going on with me right now, cause that kinda why I'm here."

"Well, yeah, that's what we're trying to figure out. The things from your past have a great deal of effect on why you here today. How long ago did your mother die?"

"Like a month ago. Two months? I don't know."

"How did that affect you? Emotionally?"

"Well she was my mother, so I would say it effected me a lot. But I mean it's not like I didn't know she was gonna die. People die. And she was sick."

"Yes, very true. So lets go back to last night for a moment. You talked about how you felt during your attack and what you were doing right before the attack. Can you remember anything else about the day?

"I had came home from cake tasting."

"Cake tasting? We're you with anyone."

"Yeah, Ian. We were tasting cake for his wedding."

"And who is Ian?"

"He's...." I'm not sure how to answer. I don't know what he is.

"He was my boss. At this law firm my teacher set me up with."

"Oh, and you were helping him taste cakes for his wedding? How were you then?"

"I was fine. I guess, his fiancé doesn't like me much, so there's always tension with her, but nothing crazy."

"Why doesn't she like you?

"She's never really said. I think she just.... " I pause.

"I don't really want to talk about her."

"Ok, tell me a bit more about Ian."

"I don't want to talk about him either." I start shaking my leg again. She sees it.

"Ian was the one who took you to the hospital last night Correct?"

"Yeah."

"Do you often feel anxiety when you're with him? Or even speaking about him?"

"What does that have to do with anything?"

"Luna, in order for me to figure out what's going on with you, I need to know, well what's been happening to you lately. How your life has been. If you don't talk to me, then I won't know."

I understand what she's saying. But it doesn't make me want to tell her still. It's hard talking about Ian. Maybe because I never have. I never talked to anyone about us. Never needed to. But right now, I feel broken and if the only way for her to fix me is by me talking to her about Ian. Then I guess that's what I have to do.

"You might need to cancel your next appointment." I say to her.

"My day is wide open."

"Good, cause this might take a while."

### Chapter Thirty

I started from the beginning. I explained everything to her about Ian and me. About how I got the internship, how I met him at my night job. How he was my boss. I told her when we first kissed, and when he first held me. The first time I felt him staring into my soul. How he remember everything I ever told him. About how he drew pictures of me before we even met. I told her that I met his mother, and about why he's marrying Liz. How he's always there for me. Especially after my mother died. Everything I could possibly think of that has happened to me that involved Ian, I told her. Execpt for one thing. The one thing I know she wants me to talk about. The one thing that even I know deep down is the reason I haven't been right lately.

"So in these last few months, Ian has been a friend, a supporter ,and a lover to you?"

"I don't know about a lover. I mean, I love him. More than I think any person could ever love someone, I can't tell him that though."

"Why not?"

"Well, I'm afraid if I say it out loud, then it becomes real."

"You don't want your love to become real?"

"Well, we can't have a real love, so why bother with it."

I drift off. My mind goes to Ian. I'm thinking about what I said to him earlier and now I'm feeling bad about it.

"Have you and Ian ever been intimate?" The doctor ask. I pop back to reality.

"You mean like sex? No, no. I'm a virgin." I catch myself as I remember.

"I was, I mean."

"You were?"

"Yeah. Can we move on now."

"Luna, you and I both know that this is what we need to talk about. That this is what we've been working up to all day."

"I don't want to talk about it." I say quietly.

"When you came in this morning, you said you wanted to get better. I can't make you better, only you can do that, but I'm here to help you and I can't help you unless you let me help you."

"Maybe I should come back another time. We've talked a lot today."

"Really Luna, you're going to do that?"

"Yes, because I told you I don't want to talk about it right now."

"Ok,ok, fine. How about this. You make a appointment to come back tomorrow, or in a few days. And we'll just keep talking and growing and eventually maybe you'll be ready."

"Yeah, ok. Umm. Thanks I guess."

"Thanks for coming in. I really hope to see you again either tomorrow or some time this week."

I gave her a hand shake and a little smile and left. Right when I got outside, I called Ian. Of course he answered on The first ring.

"Luna?"

"Yeah. Can I come over?"

"Of course. I'm here."

"Ok, I'll be there."

"Ok. See you soon."

-

Before I could even knock on the door, Ian had opened it. We just looked at each other for a few seconds, before I ran into his arm and buried my face into him.

"I'm sorry. So sorry. I didn't mean what I said."

"It's ok baby. I know, I know."

"I was just so, mad. Like really mad, and I knew you wouldn't say anything back. I know I'm not right. Something in me is broken. I went to Doctor Franklin. She's a therapist. We talked. A lot. About you. She wanted to talk about, the other thing, but I just couldn't."

"Luna, I could only imagine about how hard it must be to go back to that place. How scary it is. But, unless you want to be afraid the rest of your life, you need to get it out. You need to talk about it."

"I don't think I can. I don't know how."

"You have to try."

I know he's right. I'm just scared, but I don't want to be for the rest of my life.

"What time is it?" I ask Ian.

"5:43"

"I'm gonna make a appointment for Dr.Franklin. For tomorrow I guess."

"I love you Luna. You know that right?"

I turn around to look at him, and I walk over to him. I place my hand on his chest. Then I reach up and kiss him. The first time since the attack.

"I needed to hear that."

I go back to the phone and call the doctors office. I made a appointment for tomorrow at noon.

"I'm proud of you Luna Sol."

"It's hard."

"I know it is. But you're doing it. Cause you are strong and I will stand behind you the whole time. And I will catch you if you fall. Always. You know that right?"

"Yeah, I do." His phone goes off and he answers it. He doesn't even say anything. He's just listening to someone. I know who, because his face drops the way it always does when he talks to her.

"Yeah, I told you that was fine, why are you still looking for flowers. It's in three days."

Three days? Damn, he is getting married in three days. I hadn't even realize that it was almost time. It seemed to soon. I really can't lose him right now. Not when I know I need him the most. But we can't do what we're doing now after he gets married. I can't at least. No matter how much I don't like Liz, I won't do it.

-

"So how did you feel after you realized you were falling in love with a man engaged to be married?"

Dr. Franklin was coming hard on the questions today. Maybe because I only had a hour this time and not the whole day.

"I guess, I just forgot sometimes. Forgot that he was getting married. Forgot that he was with someone else because when I'm with him, the rest of the world disappears. We're the only two people in it and anything and everything is possible when I with him. So most of the time, I didn't stop to think about it. But when I did. Honestly, I didn't feel bad. Liz is a awful person and she doesn't deserve him. And he doesn't even love her."

"You know that for a fact?"

"That he doesn't love her? Yeah. I mean. He told me that."

"But I mean there has to be something there for him to be willing to spend the rest of his life with her."

She got me there. I didn't know what to say. I mean I know he told me why they were getting married, but it's still a puzzle to me. Something has to be holding them together. Something other than just a business proposition.

"Have you ever asked him to leave her?"

"No, not really. I mean I've asked him why is he still with her if he doesn't love her. And he has told me he would."

"Why? Haven't you asked him to leave her, I mean?"

"Well, I guess, I just figured that if everything he says is true, then I wouldn't have to. If he truly loved me, then he would make that decision on his own."

"Well, with him being scheduled to be married tomorrow, don't you think he's made his choice?"

"Are you saying that, that he's not choosing me? That he's choosing her?"

"I'm saying that, he's had a lot of time to back out of this wedding, but yet, it seems to still be happening."

She's making me think a little more than I want to right now. I don't want to think about the fact that Ian has clearly chose to be with Liz over me. Deep in my heart, it's something I already knew, but now it's becoming real.

-

Chapter Thirty-One

When I left the doctors office, I went to Ian's apartment. I knew he would probably be busy, but I didn't care. I knock on the door long and hard. He opened it right away.

"Hey. How'd it go?" He seemed excited to see me. Can't say I felt the same.

"I need to ask you something. And I need you to be completely honest with me."

"Of course. Always."

"Why are you really marrying Elizabeth?"

He paused. Shocked that I asked. He started biting on his bottom lip, like I do when I get nervous. Only when he does it. It drives me crazy. It drives me crazy to think about not being able touch or kiss him again.

"You can't marry her."

"Luna," he tries to interrupt me.

"No, don't. Don't marry her. Please." A tear fell from my eye without permission.

"You know this is something I have to do." He grabbed me and pulled me into him.

"But you don't. You don't have to marry her. You know that? It can just be you and me. Aren't I enough? Aren't I enough for you?

"Of course you are. You're more than enough. You're my everything."

"Then why are you marrying her? Why is she the person you want to spend the rest of forever with? Why is she the one that gets to be your wife? The one you lay next to at night and wake up to in the morning,The one who's gonna have your children, the one you're gonna grow old with? That's what she gets. Me, all I get is lonely mornings and secret nights and hidden love and growing old knowing the person I love is growing old with someone else."

His head pops up to the word love.

"Yes, Ian. I love you more than any other person in this world can love one person. And the idea of not having you, kills me. Kills me so much that I rather cut out my own heart than lose you. You are MY everything. You made me change my life. You made me love me, because I wanted to love you. You made me want to wake up in the morning and live life like I never had before. You made my life as bright as the sun, you made me live by the sun. Live in the big brightness of day and show myself to the world, so I could love you more. So you could lay with me at night under the moon and tell me how much you love me too. You made me live by the sun, so I could love by the moon. Because without the two, there wouldn't be days or nights. And I want every possible second of each of them to be with you. I truly do. But when you walk down that aisle tomorrow, all of that would be gone. Everything I've worked for, everything we've worked for will be gone and all of this would have been for nothing."

-

Chapter Thirty-Two

I will be nothing. Without him, I am nothing. I left Ian's apartment right after I was done saying what I needed to say. I didn't really want to hear anything he had to say. If he had anything to say. I will know his decision soon enough. He only has between now and 11am tomorrow to make up his mind. I will know then. I will know rather my life with him begins, or it ends. I'm dying inside. I can feel it. MY heart is hoping he chooses me, but my mind is going against it.

I drive down to this river me and my mom use to sit at sometimes. We would just sit and watch the water for hours and talk. Mostly about our dreams, my future. Her past. Sitting there made me think about her a lot. What she use to tell me about boys:

"Baby, men are the eighth wonders of the world. They think us women are complicated, that we're the real puzzles. That we're the hardest to figure out. But really, it's them. Sometimes, they do things and don't even know why they're doing it. That's why Adam had Eve, so someone could tell him why he was doing the things he was doing. That's why a man needs a woman. Someone to explain to him his own heart. Remember that. You don't need a man, a man needs you. Never forget it."

She was always so good at explaining things to me. Telling me the secrets of life. Giving me the cheat codes to the game. She prepared me for life and love as best as she could. But she never prepared me for something like this. She would give me the best advise about love, but would always tell me, that love was as unique as a fingerprint. That nobody else's in the world that would be like mine.

-

I woke up at three o'clock in the morning. Sweating, screaming and crying. I don't know why. I don't remember having a nightmare. Or even a dream. But after it happened, I couldn't go back to sleep. I just kept thinking about about how in eight hours my life will change for ever. Rather for better or for worst, it's going to change. I just kept replaying all the times me and Ian had. Every single moment. From the first time I saw him at the club, to the first time he kissed me. To the last. I thought about the time I first got really mad at him, when he told me he had seen me way before I had seen him. I think about every kiss, and every touch. Then, I think about a future with him. Something I don't usually do. I think about us getting married, moving into a house and raising children. Growing old and raising grandchildren. I think about how I would be able to open my eyes to him every single morning and close them with him every night. And then I think about, what is he thinking about now.

-

Chapter Thirty-Three

I dragged myself out of bed around 8:30. I spend most of the time just daydreaming. When I walk into the living room, Toby is sitting on the couch watching t.v, like always.

"Hey sleepy head."

"Hey yourself."

I walk in the kitchen and turn on the tea kettle.

"You look tired." Toby says to me.

"Well, I've been up since three."

"Doing what?"

"Just been thinking."

"About Ian getting married today?"

I never told Toby about Ian and I. So I was a little surprise that he would say that.

"Why would you ask that?"

"Lu, I had spinal damage, not brain damage. Are you kidding me? A blind person could see how in love you are with him."

I go over to the couch and sit next to him.

"I do Toby. I do so much."

"And he does too."

"How do you know?"

"I know it. I feel it when you're both in the same room. I can hear it when you say each others names, I see it when you look at each other, then try to look away because you think you've been gazing too long. It's unlike anything else I've ever seen before. It's the most beautiful, purest, sickening thing in the world when you two are together, so I just figured, it had to be love. And I know you, you don't love easy, you keep your heart in titanium class 5-V security box. Never would I have guessed that some one would figure out the code though. I don't even think you knew it."

"You studied us so close, that you figured all that out?" I ask is disbelief. Toby's attention span is the size of a fruitfly's.

"Yeah, that, and Ian told me himself. Actually, most of what I just said were his words not mind. Except the security box thing, that was me." I hit his arm. I smile for a second.

"Why does he love me?"

"Why does the sun rise in the East and sets in the West? Why does the moon control ocean tides? Why is the sky blue? Because it does, because it wants to and because it is. Ian loves you because he do. It's as simple as that."

"Because he do?"

"Yeah, yeah I know I should've said does, but I wanted it to rhyme. My point is it doesn't matter if he's getting married today,or next week,the next millennium or ever. You and him have something that no one else in this world can take from you. And him getting married may change your relationship, but I believe love is something so much deeper than that."

Everything Toby is saying just sounds right. Like it's what my heart had been saying the whole time.

"When did you become the smart one?"

"I've always been the smart one, I just let you pretend for a while."

"Thank you Toby. I mean it. For everything. I really needed to hear that right now."

"After everything you've done for me, I owe you."

"What do I do now?"

"You wait. That's all you can do."

"Seems simple enough."

Yeah right. Waiting is easily the hardest thing in the world to do. I looked at the clock every .5 seconds. And after what seemed like would be an hour past, would actually only be five minutes. Nine o'clock rolls by. Nine-fifteen. Ten-twenty, ten-twenty one. Ten- twenty five. No Ian. The wedding starts at 11. Ten-forty-five comes and goes. And I'm sure now that he's not coming for me. Silent tears pour out. Hidden behind a smile. At least I know, and I don't have to wait anymore.

"I'm gonna go for a walk."

"You sure? I think it's raining outside."

"Yeah I'm sure. I just need some space. I'll be back soon."

Chapter Thirty-Four

I go out the door. And it is raining. Not bad, but enough. I don't even notice while I'm walking through it. I can't feel it hitting my skin. I can't see it falling. Tears are in my way. In fact I can't see anything I'm crying so hard and hadn't even realized it. I can't stop. I want to die. This is the feeling I knew I would have. This is what I was afraid of. I just can't believe it. I can't believe this is really happening. That he really didn't come for me. That I've lost him forever. I can't think straight. I can't think. I feel like my chest is going to explode and my head is going to pop. I wipe my eyes to keep the tears from filling up, but they're coming so fast. I just keep staring down at my feet as I walk. There aren't many people around but enough. I stop on a corner. About a two blocks away from the house. I pull out a cigarette for the first time in weeks and put it in my mouth. I search my pocket for a lighter and I realize, I don't have one. A hand appears in front of my face with a lit lighter, I pushed my cigarette into and inhale. I turn around to see who the hand belonged to. It was the man from table fourteen. It was the man who was drawing me on the sidewalk, because he said there was something beautiful about my sadness. It was the man who was always there to catch me every single time I fell. And wiped away every single tear from my eye. It was Ian.

Chapter Thirty-Five

Soaking wet in his tuxedo. The cigarette falls from my mouth. I don't move. Afraid that if I do, he'll disappear. I'm not even sure if it's really him. It can't be.

"You know, smoking is bad for you."

Right after he said that I jumped up and kissed him. Like I've never kissed him before. I couldn't kiss him enough. He just held me tight against him and smiles in between kisses. I can't believe it. He did it. He chose me, he chose us. I get to live. I get to be happy. More than happy. This is just so surreal right now.

"What took you so long?" I smile to him.

"Well, someone wasn't waiting at home like I expected,

I had to look for her."

I kissed him again. And grabbed his hand.

"Well, you found me."

I looked into his eyes like every time before, he's looking back. But something is a little different. I'm looking into someone who I whole heartily loved, and I know loves me the same. There's no doubt about it. It's almost too perfect.

"I will always find you. And I will never leave you ever again."

"You promise?"

"With all my heart."

Author Thanks

Thank you so much for reading my book. I hope you enjoyed reading it as much as I did writing it.

I have to give a special thanks to my best friend, and my cousin. Without her undying love and encouragement, I'm not sure if this would be possible. Also, I want to thank my mother for telling me that I can do and be anything I want and supporting me every step of the way. This was the first story that I had completely finished and I am so proud and happy that I can finally share my love for writing with so many people.

If you can, please take a moment to leave a review at your online retailer.

Thank you again!

J.T Jackson
Author Bio

J.T Jackson spends her time in Washington State. When she's not writing, she is either making music or watching movies With her mother, brother and her pet bird. This is her first self-published book but hopes many more will follow. Becoming a writer is just one of her many dreams and is consistently keeping her self entertained with one of her many hobbies, which include singing, knitting and playing video games.

To learn more about J.T Jackson, View her author interview on Smashwords here!

Keep up with J.T Jackson on:

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Counting Stars

(Sequel to Live by the Sun, Love by the Moon)

### Chapter One

"Did you get it? It's behind the red one." I shout at Ian, since it seems like he has a disability to see giant boxes that are in front of his face.

"Baby, you don't have to yell. I see it. Here, give me a kiss." He leans into my face and I kiss him.

"You know, you know gonna be able to fix everything with kisses forever right?"

"Well, today I can." He walks in the apartment with the box.

We are moving into our new place today. It's a little studio apartment on 3rd street, but it's ours. Mine and Ian's. Ours. The first thing we've gotten together. After the wedding, of course Ian's father got pissed off, so he took everything away from Ian. Well, everything he could. He fired him from the law firm, took his condo away. Anything that was in his name or the company's name, he took away. But Ian didn't even care. None of that matters to him. It's been fours months since me and Ian officially got together. And its been amazing.

"Last box." I say walking through the door. I put the box in a corner then flopped on the mattress laying on the floor. Ian came and did the same. Pulling me into him. We just looked around the room.

"Wow, this place is kinda crappy." I said. I feel Ian look down at me.

"Yea, it is. But it's ours. No one can take it from us."

"I love you. You know." I say and turn to throw my arms around him.

"I know. You know I love you more right?"

"Impossible." He kisses my nose.

"It's true."

"I don't think so." He says as he lifts me. And lays me on the bed. Tickling me. I laugh, he laughs. Then he stops. Standing over me he leans down and kisses my face, then my lips and my neck. The touch of him drives me crazy. My body melts into him. I love him. I love this. Me and him together.

He reaches for the bottom of my shirt and pulls it over my head. I'm laying there in only my bra and jeans. And he does the same, only he's not wearing a bra. Joke. I rubbed my hands against his stomach. He's so fit. Every piece of his body is like it was chiseled out of marble. His body is so perfect. I can't stop touching it. I grabbed him and throw him under me. So I'm sitting on him now. I kiss his face and lips and neck like he did me. Then I reach for his belt bucket. I fumble to get it off. But I can't. And then something's starts playing in my mind. It just hits me. Out of no where. Tears start welling up in my eyes, and I just stop and lay my head against this chest.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry. I'm trying, I just... Can't." I cried out to him.

"Hey, no don't be sorry. It's ok. Baby."

"You do everything for me and I can't even do this one thing for you."

"Luna, this is not a big deal. It's just sex. I'm not with you for sex. I don't care if we ever have sex, that doesn't matter to me. I love you. Not your body. I like your body too, but you know what I mean. I understand you're still, fragile right now. We don't have to rush into anything. You don't have to force anything. And please don't feel like this is something you owe me. Being with you is the only thing in this world I want. We could be having this conversation in a giant box, living on the corner of a sidewalk, and it would be the same. I would love you the same."

I kiss his chest all the way up to his lips and I rolled off. I feel better that he talked to me. I felt like I had to do it so he would keep loving me. So that he wouldn't feel like he's missing out on something. So that I could be his perfect girl.

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