Let's talk about something fun
for a change.
Today is
National Creamsicle Day! Hurray!
(cheers and applause)
Yeah, and, uh, don't you guys
want to celebrate
with a Creamsicle right now?
-Yeah? You do?
-(applause and cheering)
Well, if you all look
under your seats,
you'll see
that they all melted.
I'm sorry.
I put them out too early.
I didn't know
they were frozen.
Yeah. You guys should have
been here yesterday
for National Left-Handlers Day.
That surprise did not melt.
Here to help me celebrate
National Creamsicle Day
is our very own
Dulcé Sloan, everybody!
(cheers and applause)
Hello.
-Dulcé.
-What's up?
You know, one thing
I love about America is
that every day is a fun
national something day.
Like, what's your favorite
national day?
I think mine is National I Don't
Give a Shit About National Days.
What-what day is that, Dulcé?
It's every day.
Don't you know they make these
days up just to sell you shit?
Well, just...
but just last week, Dulcé,
there was, um,
Black Women's Equal Pay Day.
Oh, so you're saying
that black women getting
equal pay is the same
-as Creamsicle Day?
-(laughter)
No. No, no, no. No, no, I-I
wasn't... I wasn't saying that.
What I... You know what?
Let's move on.
-All right, let's move on.
-No, no, no, no, no, no!
No, no, no, no, no, no, no,
no, no, no, no!
Let's talk
about black women's equal pay.
You guys want to talk
about black women's equal pay?
(applause and cheering)
Okay, okay, but first,
but first,
-let's talk about Creamsicles...
-What?
...because I heard
that sometimes
when you mentioned products on
TV, they send you free samples.
Oh, that would be great.
If someone out there owns
equal pay, send me some!
(laughter)
Trevor, on average,
it takes black women 20 months
to make
what a white man earns in 12.
With that ratio,
if you put Olivia Pope on 24,
it would have to be called 39.
(laughter)
Black women deserve equal pay
because being a black woman
is also expensive.
I got to pay for products
for my natural hair.
I got to pay for products
for my fake hair.
I mean, I wish I could use
one of those three-in-one
shampoo, conditioners
and body washes,
but I can't wash my hair
with the same thing
I wash my ass with!
(laughter)
I mean, isn't something...?
Isn't that something
we should all believe?
-And I... Like, I...
-Just two shampoo...
Just two things.
Just get two things.
I think...
I think it's also important
for us to remember, Dulcé,
that paying black women equally
is right
because it also allows them
to buy more Creamsicles.
If you don't shut up
about these damn Creamsicles!
Shut up
about these Creamsicles, man.
Look, America, black women need
to be paid more than anybody.
-Wait, wait, wait. I...
-Ah. Ah. Huh?
-No. Wait, wait, wait.
-(cheering, applause)
-I thought this...
-Why are you not clapping?
I thought this
was about equality.
No. I changed my mind.
-Now I want more.
-(laughter)
Because we do
so much for America.
We keep child molesters
out of office,
we literally gave y'all
royalty...
and what would you do
without black woman meme.
All you'd have
is that blinkin' white dude.
(laughter)
All I'm saying is,
pay us what we're owed.
Now, if you'll excuse me...
it's National Creamsicle Day.
-(cheering, applause)
-Dulcé Sloan, everybody.
