- HOW MANY OF Y'ALL
ARE ON FACEBOOK HERE?
PEOPLE--ALL RIGHT.
[cheers and applause]
WELL, A LOT OF TIMES
PEOPLE POST THINGS
THAT ARE REALLY, REALLY FUNNY,
AND--WHETHER THEY MEAN TO BE
OR NOT--
SO I THOUGHT I'D SHOW YOU SOME.
IT'S A SEGMENT WE CALL
IN YOUR FACEBOOK.
[laughter]
- [singing] ONE, TWO, THREE
[funky music]
[scattered laughter]
- ALL RIGHT, SO THESE ARE
REAL FACEBOOK STATUS UPDATES
AND COMMENTS--
REAL--
WE'RE NOT MAKING THEM UP.
SARAH SAYS,
"I THINK ABOUT HIM 31-7
BECAUSE HE'S ON MY MIND
EVEN WHEN I'M SLEEPING."
AND...
[laughter]
KEVIN SAYS, "THERE'S STILL
24 HOURS IN A DAY
WHEN YOU'RE SLEEPING."
[laughter]
SARAH SAYS, "WAIT. WHAT?"
[laughter]
MARK SAYS, "WHAT DOES BRB MEAN?"
AND ABBY SAYS, "BE RIGHT BACK."
MARK SAYS, "OKAY,
WILL YOU LET ME KNOW
WHEN YOU COME BACK?"
[laughter]
SKY SAYS,
"WHAT'S OBAMA'S LAST NAME?"
DEVIN SAYS, "OBAMA."
SKY SAYS,
"YEAH, WHAT'S HIS LAST NAME?"
[laughter and applause]
WOW.
CORRE SAYS, "STUPID TRAFFIC,
GO HOME."
AND HUNTER SAYS, "I THINK THAT'S
WHAT THEY'RE TRYING TO DO."
[laughter]
LIZ D'ONOFRIO SAYS,
"I JUST ANSWERED
AN UNKNOWN NUMBER
"BECAUSE I ACTUALLY THOUGHT
IT MIGHT BE ELLEN DEGENERES.
I NEVER, EVER WANT TO MISS
THAT CALL."
[laughter]
I WANT TO SEE
IF SHE REALLY MEANS IT.
[audience exclaims]
[cheers and applause]
I NEVER WANT TO LOSE THIS PHONE,
NO MATTER HOW OLD IT GETS.
[laughter]
[line trilling]
- HELLO.
- LIZ?
- UH-HUH.
- HEY, LIZ,
DO YOU KNOW WHO THIS IS?
- UH, NO, I DON'T.
- I'LL GIVE YOU A HINT.
IT'S ELLEN DEGENERES.
[laughter]
- [gasps]
OH, MY GOD.
- HI.
- WAIT. WAIT.
IS THIS--
IS THIS REALLY--
IS THIS REALLY ELLEN?
- HUH?
- YOU--YOU'RE REALLY
CALLING ME RIGHT NOW?
- I REALLY AM.
WEREN'T YOU EXPECTING ME
TO CALL?
- OH, MY GOD!
- THE REASON--
- THIS IS SO COOL.
- ISN'T THIS GREAT?
YEAH, I JUST SAW
THAT YOU SAID THAT ON FACEBOOK,
YOU ANSWERED AN UNKNOWN CALL
BECAUSE YOU THOUGHT
IT MIGHT BE ME,
SO I WANTED TO SEE
IF YOU REALLY MEANT IT
AND YOU WOULD ANSWER
AN UNKNOWN CALL.
- I COMPLETELY MEANT IT.
- YEAH. ALL RIGHT.
WHAT ARE YOU DOING RIGHT NOW?
- UM, I'M AT WORK RIGHT NOW.
- OH.
WHERE DO YOU WORK?
WHAT DO YOU DO?
- I WORK AT THE CHILDREN'S ROOM
IN ARLINGTON, MASSACHUSETTS.
WE OFFER SUPPORT GROUPS
FOR GRIEVING CHILDREN
AND THEIR FAMILIES.
- OH, WELL, THAT'S
A WONDERFUL THING, LIZ.
GOOD FOR YOU.
- WELL, WELL, THANK YOU.
YEAH, I MEAN, I JUST STARTED
HERE DOING SOCIAL WORK.
SO WE HAVE SUPPORT GROUPS
THAT WE RUN AT NIGHT.
- AH, I LOVE YOU MORE THAN--
I'M SO GLAD I CALLED YOU.
WELL, ONE THING--
- THANK YOU.
- I WANT TO BRING YOU OUT HERE.
I WANT YOU TO COME TO THE SHOW,
AND I WANT TO MEET YOU.
AND...
- OH, MY GOD.
- SO DO THAT.
- WAIT. WAIT.
REALLY?
- YEAH, OF COURSE.
OF COURSE.
I WAS ACTUALLY CALLING YOU
FOR SOMETHING ELSE,
BUT NOW THAT I TALKED TO YOU,
I WANT YOU TO COME TO THE SHOW.
I WAS CALLING TO SEE
IF YOU BOUGHT MY NEW CD YET.
ELLEN'S "I'M GONNA MAKE YOU
DANCE JAMS,"
HAVE YOU BOUGHT THAT YET?
- I DID.
I DID BUY IT.
I BOUGHT IT A COUPLE DAYS AGO.
- OH, I'M SO GLAD.
I WAS GONNA SEND YOU A COPY,
BUT I'LL SEND YOU--
SO YOU'LL HAVE TWO.
YOU'LL HAVE ONE FOR YOUR CAR
AND ONE FOR, UH, YOUR HOUSE.
AND...
- THAT IS PERFECT.
- THAT'S WHAT
I WAS ACTUALLY CALLING FOR,
BUT NOW I'M GONNA MEET YOU.
YOU'LL COME TO THE SHOW
WHENEVER--
WHEN I HANG UP,
A PRODUCER WILL CALL YOU BACK,
AND WE'LL ARRANGE IT, OKAY?
I MEAN, YOU--
- OH, MY GOD,
THIS IS SO AMAZING!
- YOU HAVE TO GET YOURSELF
OUT HERE.
I'M NOT FLYING YOU OUT, BUT--
- I CAN'T BELIEVE
THIS IS REALLY HAPPENING.
THIS IS LIKE THE CRAZIEST DAY
OF MY LIFE.
- NO, I'M KIDDING.
WE'RE GONNA FLY YOU OUT
AND PUT YOU UP AND...
SO, ALL RIGHT, SO, LIZ,
I'LL MEET YOU SOON, OKAY?
- OKAY, GREAT.
THANK YOU.
- ALL RIGHT, THANKS
FOR ANSWERING THE PHONE.
- OKAY. ANYTIME.
- ALL RIGHT, BYE.
- OKAY.
- ALL RIGHT.
[cheers and applause]
THAT'S GREAT.
[applause continues]
I WAS CALLING TO TELL HER
ABOUT MY NEW CD.
IT'S IN STORES NOW,
AND EVERYBODY IN THE AUDIENCE
IS GOING HOME
WITH A COPY AS WELL.
[cheers and applause]
WE'LL BE BACK.
