(Forrest, voice-over)
The perfect body--
this was surely
a subjective judgement,
but by any standard,
I did not have one.
Oh, hi, Grant.
Hi, Forrest.
I thought the door
was locked.
Nope.
(Forrest, voice-over)
I started by joining
a spiffy downtown gym,
but I did not like
working out.
It was boring, and it hurt.
Plus, being surrounded
by all those mirrors
made me focus
on my many flaws.
Look at these teeth.
Do you see what I see?
(Forrest, voice-over)
A simple dental prosthetic
took care of that problem,
but it wasn't long
before I found another one.
My teeth
were now perfectly white,
but my skin was too white.
Fortunately, tanning salons
are easy to find.
My journey to perfection
was well under way.
But the cult that was living
on my dad's timeshare property
had gotten into the habit of
playing drums around a bonfire
late into the night,
and it was interfering
with my beauty sleep.
What the [bleep]
is going on here?
Stay right where you are,
Outcast.
We will not be moved!
- Yeah, that's fine--
- One, two-
all:
Three, four, five, six!
Okay, that's fine.
That's fine.
I'm just really stopping by
to ask if you could please keep
it down a little bit at night?
You know, with the drumming?
You could be a little quieter.
What happened to your face?
Oh, I'm trying
to have the perfect body.
Uh, well, that's not
what it looks like.
It looks like
you're an orange beaver.
Oh, Mrs. Greenfield.
Let's not play
these little games.
Okay,
remove the non-believer.
- I want him off the property!
- All right!
- All right, all right.
- Get him!
(Forrest, voice-over)
My rapidly improving appearance
was clearly making
Mrs. Greenfield jealous,
and that gave me
all the encouragement
I needed to keep going.
all:
Four, five, six!
One, two, three.
(Forrest, voice-over)
Being perfect from the neck up
didn't make it
any less of a nuisance
to become perfect
from the neck down.
I knew there had
to be an easier way.
We just lay the implant
in under the skin--
instant six pack.
Can I do it with
other muscles, too?
Like, with my arms
and my legs?
Why not?
And listen to this--
I'm having a special
on phalloplasty this month.
Really?
What is that?
That means I can give you
a really big penis.
How big
are we talking about?
(Forrest, voice-over)
Dr. Pirbal seemed to have
a magical shortcut
to perfection.
I opted to get
the full package.
Thanks to 40 pounds
of silicone muscle implants,
and my new gigantic penis...
- Wow.
I was now a walking
work of art.
And others were taking notice.
Hello, Forrest.
Jesus [bleep] Christ.
Hey. What do you say?
Pretty good, right?
Well, it's, uh--
the penis is all right.
I like what
you did with that.
Thank you.
You look good,
but we're not looking
for a good body.
We're looking
for a perfect body.
A perfect body
means symmetry.
You've got
a long way to go.
(Forrest, voice-over)
Grant had a point.
My penis did turn out well.
I thought I was done.
(Forrest, voice-over)
But making my body perfect
would require more work.
