alright Sweet -T you ready buddy what
am I not ready man
so it's 3:30 a.m. on a Fri no I'm
kidding it's not it's an it's a normal hour you're still working without it
I get tired at like 9:00 but it's 9:00
today we're going over 11:00 mind games
played by the narcissist and how to spot
them so very important for you to know
the content in this video is not covered
by my board certified behavior analyst
credential and when I talk about alleged
functions they're not based on a
functional behavior assessment they're
just hypothesize and lastly to make sure
you know I'm not trying to diagnose
anyone that's not what I do
okay the first game and a way to spot
the narcissist is that they have a
grandiose sense of importance now I
gotta be honest with you sweetie sweet
tee' toes kind of going sweetie toes I
gotta be honest with you when I was
doing these I was like check check I'm
like wait I have a bunch of these but I
honestly a lot of us have some of these
in our cystic tendencies and I think I'm
kind of a recovered narcissist I hope
anyway the narcissist has a grandiose
sense of importance
they have a grandiose fake sense of
brilliance and relevance to the world
that's just not really accurate the
narcissist tends to take credit for
anything anyone does and they try to
paint themselves in a picture and they
really believe that they are bigger than
life so in other words that the key
performance indicators and the data
don't really support where who they
claim to be so they do a lot of things
that are not authentic they're taking
pictures and selfies in front of a
private jet pretending it's theirs they
claim that they're massively successful
and they define success in ways such as
monetary value and then they brag about
it and it's usually not accurate and
it's not usually true I actually feel
some empathy for the narcissist the
narcissist
claims they're massively successful my
personal definition of success is just
being happy so you know the exact dollar
amount doesn't matter who all knows you
doesn't matter
it's really about whether you can be
happy or not that's just my personal
definition so happiness to me is defined
as
what you want when you want it and with
who you want to do it at any time or day
and just doing what you want to do
that's success the second way you can
spot the narcissism the mind games that
they play is that they they think that
they're very special and unique and they
really believe that so I truly believe
that people do have a unique ability if
you can uncover their niche they're
massively excellent at one thing it
takes a lot of people time to figure
that out and that's one of our goals to
try to help people find their niche but
the narcissist
feels like they're so special that they
can only relate to these movie stars or
you know heads of state or people that
they consider to be high status people
and they may not know these people but
they like to pretend and and posture as
though they know these folks it behavior
happens where you're right I don't just
want to throw out things I want to throw
out a solution so behavior hack to
handle that kind of situation with a
narcissist just ask them a question ask
them what is it you know not not an
arrogant way just ask them seriously
what is it that makes you special and so
unique please tell me what you think
makes you special and unique it will be
interesting to see what that answer is
the third aspect with the narcissist is
they need an unusual amount of
admiration so a disproportionate amount
of admiration so my my hacker suggestion
for that behavior hack would be since
they like attention and if the behavior
analytic viewpoint if you did a
functional behavior assessment which is
this is not but if you did one it's very
likely the function is to gain attention
so they need so much admiration away a
hack on how you can handle that person
to try to bring out the best in that
person use attention in a way that
reinforces some sort of compliments of
other people so instead of them being so
worried about themselves in admiration
when you notice that person which is
very unlikely they compliment someone
else and they truly mean it make sure
you reinforce that with giving them
attention it's a good behavior hack the
exact term is called differential
reinforcement of incompatible behavior
it's very difficult for them to
compliment someone and then act like
they're great
the admiration in the middle of a
compliment it's incompatible number four
the narcissus has a total lack of
empathy they they could see someone
struggling on the street and not help
them someone may be very vulnerable and
they need support or some sort of help
and they can walk right by and it
doesn't even bother them so a behavior
hack I would suggest for a person that
lacks empathy and can't really
understand someone who's vulnerable and
can't help them and doesn't care is
reinforced with attention them helping
someone else just by letting them know
what's in it for them if they help
someone so since they care about
themselves so much you might be able to
artificially contrived a reward which
will start to bring out the best in that
person where even though you're telling
them it's all about them and they're
getting something out of it they might
start to really learn to help other
people and care about other people it's
possible the fifth mind game and way you
can spot the narcissus is that they're
constantly envious of other people the
narcissist will you'll find them looking
for someone that they deemed successful
or in competition with them in some way
and instead of thinking of the world as
an abundant world where a lot of people
can be successful they just fire out
nasty comments they're often you know
keyboard warriors or keyboard activists
so they they basically want to kind of
cut that person down they want to
control you so if you're in a
relationship with a narcissist they want
to control everything about what you do
what you think they want to control your
opinion they actually want to think for
you and it's important to know that the
narcissist in a relationship they'll try
to isolate you from other people with
differing opinions because they see that
as a threat number seven the way the
narcissist may play mind games with you
they'll try to exploit you or they will
exploit you at times I remember this
happening to me when I was a kid I had a
friend I'm not saying he was a
narcissist but I spoke about this before
you know they'll try to figure out your
deepest darkest secrets things that you
know they have you confide in them they
build trust and then they use those deep
dark secrets against you later and they
exploit you so I remember they
I gave before is when if my sensitivity
was when I was younger about being
adopted
I felt very kind of vulnerable about
telling people I was adopted and this
guy was the first person I told and he
made me trust them and then at one point
when he decided to use he used that
against me and asked me to do something
I didn't do it and then he slammed me
with my most vulnerable thing by telling
everyone I was adopted which hurt me at
that young age I think I was like nine
years old so the narcissist number nine
will make you feel like you have to help
them a lot and you will because you're a
good person so you end up helping them
in you're there for them in need when
they need you and but suddenly the ninth
factors that they ghost you and they're
not around when you need them so as soon
as you ask them for something they ghost
you and they're not responding it's like
crickets and you know they're texting
you're texting it or not another thing
that the narcissist will do is that they
will send you some positive comment or
something or give you a gift and then
they they think they're smart because
you know four days later from that
they'll ask you for a favor so it's
almost like a bribe rather than just
giving you something to be genuine
because they're trying to give you
something they want something in return
always the tenth factor of the narcissus
they're extremely arrogant they can't
tolerate any difference in opinion that
you may have with them
my behavior hack for the person that
can't stand you have a differing opinion
the best way to do it is really it's
like a one line that you say and then
it's extinction and they get no
attention from you you say I'm okay with
agreeing to disagree and then you cut it
off you don't have to keep engaging with
them because that's what they want last
but not least number eleven the
narcissist always pretends they're the
victim when you catch them in a lie or
when you uncover something that's
disingenuous about the narcissist they
act like their victim so they they often
won't take responsibility for a mistake
they had they won't just say my bad I'll
try to fix it in the future
they find a way to blame you for their
own mistakes that's all I got sweetie
what do you think I mean I like it I
think
I think I know a lot of narcissists now
yeah like I said I'm probably a
recovered one every day I try to do
things to help people that are
vulnerable that's why we're in the
business to help people with
disabilities we all have narcissistic
tendencies that's what I think I think
that's what it is
I also think exactly sweet Tito sweet
tears oh I also think that depending on
our state and our emotional state
there's times it were more needy and we
end up needing more attention that have
narcissistic type behaviors but if a
person's that way everyday and does not
care about the ramifications they're
truly a narcissist so thanks everybody
for tuning in I hope this provided value
this is all free content and we don't
want anything from you we just want to
throw some gems out there that we think
might help you work with other people
and help you build relationships and
help you stay out of relationships that
are potentially toxic and harmful thanks
again guys
