- I was in L.A. last week and I'll say, cause I'm not an L.A. hater,
people have asked me, why
don't you move to L.A.,
over the years I've just never gone.
And I was there last week, and
I had this realization where,
and it's nothing against
the city or the industry,
but just me personally,
I showed up there, I was
there for four or five days,
and I was like, oh, when I am here,
I want to be dead.
- Yes, yes.
- I want to be dead when I'm in this city.
Something about this city
makes me want to be dead.
- But what is it?
- I don't know.
- Like, what is it--
- 'Cause it's a fine
place full of nice people
and warm weather, and all
my friends are happy there.
And I'm not trying to
come down on the city,
'cause that's a little cliche
and it's not what I'm going for,
it's just on a personal level,
within 36 hours of arriving
in Los Angeles, California,
I will find myself praying for death.
- [Carmen] Yeah?
(upbeat rock music)
- Welcome back to the show.
In studio joining us right
now is Chris Gethard,
he has a new book out called Lose Well.
Chris, when did this come out,
I don't have any
information in front of me.
- [Chris] It came out Tuesday.
- Tuesday.
Is this your, this is your second book.
- Third book.
- Third book?
- I never slow down.
- Why, how do you still have
something to write about?
What are we writing about in this one now?
- This one is, it's a bunch
of funny stories and stuff,
but it all kind of ties into the idea
that the older I get, the more I think
failure is actually a really good thing.
- We were just talking about this.
- It's served me really well in my life.
- Tell me how, and when did you come
to this conclusion?
- A lot of it happened in 2010.
'Cause as you guys know, as comedians,
and I try to write this in a broad way
where it will not just appeal
to comedians or artists,
but you know you spend so much time
thinking about your success
relative to other people's
and I was coming up in a scene at UCB
where everyone was
getting super successful,
and I was not.
And I had all this feelings of like,
why is it not happening for me,
all this stress and then
I finally got a sitcom,
and then the sitcom
bombed, and I didn't care.
And I was like, why don't I care?
And then I was like, oh,
I don't like sitcoms,
why did I view it as success to be on one?
That was very much driven
by pettiness and ego,
this feeling that I wanted things
that other people had, who cares?
And that's when I went to public access TV
and kind of built my
career and it became--
- [Nikki] With The Chris Gethard Show?
- Yeah, and it became this thing
people were like really passionate about
and knew me for, and by anyone's,
I think by anyone's standard
definition of success
a public access show is not successful
compared to a sitcom lead.
I was a lead!
But for me, it felt
very much like success.
- And, I completely relate to that
because you get these
oppurtunities and you go, yes!
And you just say yes because that's--
- It's a thing.
- That's what people get when I see
them talk about it on Twitter
and everyone makes a big deal,
and that's when you've made it
but then I'm like, I don't wanna do that
every day with my.
- Yeah.
- Do I really want that?
- Yeah, we don't ask that enough.
- We don't ask that enough,
and so you weren't bummed out
when your show was canceled.
I mean, you were--
- Yeah.
- It felt like a--
- It stung.
- It stung, yes.
- It was humiliating to
get really bad reviews
on my acting ability.
But I was sitting there and I was like,
yeah, but I also don't care.
And I'm someone who's so
prone to depression and stuff
that I thought it was going to kill me,
and I was like, oh hey,
I largely don't care.
And I just realized it's all ego,
get the ego out of the way.
- Yeah, that is a scary thing,
is that you just said you
thought it would kill you
because when you put yourself out there
and you set yourself up to have
a disappointment like that,
you're like, oh this could,
what if this kills me?
- Right, why do I keep
doing this to myself?
- Yeah.
- What is it that I
actually love about it,
let me go focus on that.
That's what I've learned.
It's like, I keep putting myself
in these situations 'cause I have to.
And if I have to, I
better just get out there
and do it, and own it.
And if it doesn't work out
I gotta be okay with that.
- Yeah, that's the tough part.
I did Dancing with the
Stars and I was so scared
that--
- Now how'd you like it?
I don't think I've seen
you since you did it.
- I loved it.
- That's awesome.
- I wish I was still on,
I loved it more than I thought I would.
It was one of the greatest
experiences of my life.
I'm dying to get back on,
I'm gonna pitch to them
that they do a losers season
with everyone who's been eliminated first.
- That's a great idea.
- Because--
- That ties right into
what I'm talking about.
- I just, I loved it, and
I didn't expect to love it.
And I did it just because I was like,
oh, you get asked to do it.
I kind of wanted a break
from my life to be honest,
because when you do Dancing with the Stars
you can't do anything
else, so you're just like,
I couldn't do stand-up at night,
I couldn't do--
(Chris cackles)
I honestly took it as a vacation
and I say that and people think I'm,
but it really--
- Are you a dancer?
Are you, do you--
- No!
I've never danced in my life.
- Really?
- Ever. Not once.
- Can I tell you,
I am quietly a very good dancer.
- You are?
- Yeah.
- Literally if they ever
ask you to do it, do it.
It's the greatest thing
I've ever done.
- I'll jump at the chance.
- It was so fun.
I think that we do have to
often ask ourselves that
because we just get it in
our head what success is.
I think we all, don't
we all relate to that?
Of like, you get to the thing--
- Well it's that whole
compare and despair thing.
- And go, I don't
even like this.
Comparing yourself, how do
we stop doing it, Chris?
Have you stopped comparing yourself?
- By and large, yeah.
- Can you stop?
How?
- By doing stuff that very
few people care about,
but the ones who do care about it
are very passionate about it, you know?
I don't have the most
fans, but I think I have
some of the best fans.
And I've just constantly doubled down
on doing stuff that I
think is a little smaller
and a little bit more
reflective of who I am
and a lot of times I
found that when you get to
platforms that are very big,
that represent a big success,
it also means that your stuff
gets taken away from you,
taken away from your voice.
And I think I've just
been very, very willing
to get up and walk away from
the table in those situations.
And that helps me not
compare myself, you know?
- What do you do to get out of that?
Have you had the moments like that?
- Oh yeah, absolutely. Absolutely.
- [Nikki] And you just
don't have them anymore?
- Well, no, not as much.
- Do you find yourself ever going down
that spiral of seeing someone kill,
or hearing that someone killed,
or hearing someone get something
that you would've wanted.
- There's certainly times, I
will say this, like we all do.
There are certainly times where,
how do you say it delicately?
I mean, you don't.
There's certainly times
where you see people
where you're like, that
person's not that good.
And that's a different thing to me,
'cause you're like, this is,
they're hoodwinking the audience,
it's snake oil and
that's bad for all of us.
They go and see some show where it's like,
oh they went in on the hype
and the person's not that good,
that means they don't
buy tickets for comedy.
- Yeah.
- I don't like that.
- Yeah, that is scary.
- The dangerous part is when it's someone
who I don't have anything against,
or it's even a friend of mine.
That's when it gets really insidious,
you know when it's like,
oh this is a person
I'll sit down, ask them how they're doing,
mean it, care about their answers,
I know that when they
ask me they mean it too,
and then when they go and do well,
I'm gonna be like, screw
them, you know what I mean,
like that's when it
becomes really insidious.
And I have managed to avoid that,
and I think a lot of it just because
I can say so honestly that
most of the situations
in my life that were traditional success
did nothing but add stress or unhappiness.
And there's been a lot of situations
where I've landed in circumstances that,
very much by other people's definitions,
were failure, and they made me happy.
So I've just kind of
learned to say who cares.
I think, like you said, I think for you,
you have to deal with the
patriarchy-driven version of it,
but for me, I think even in a broad sense
for a lot of us it's sort of like,
I think culture and
society just trains you
to want to like, feel like you have to
stay in your lane, you know?
Kind of stay in your fucking cubicle.
Am I allowed to curse?
Sorry about that.
- Yes, yes, of course.
- But it is, it's like stay
in your fucking cubicle.
I always felt like somewhere
people were like, you know,
you're meant to be seen and not heard,
like I don't come from a family of artists
or a neighborhood of artists,
I constantly felt like it was like,
oh you think think you're better than us,
wanting to go do that,
that was always the vibe.
I just don't buy it. I just don't buy it.
And I feel like I've done a lot of things
that are sort of like
smaller, for very few people,
and they make me immensely happy,
and then I've been in big movies
or performed in front
of thousands of people
where I'm like, that was
totally fine, who cares.
Or it just makes me a little glum.
So, I think a lot of how I manage to avoid
worrying about other people's stuff
is remembering that it has
literally no effect on mine.
It just doesn't.
- It doesn't.
And when I see other people
get jealous of other people,
I get mad at them, but it's really me
getting mad at myself about being jealous.
I've never gotten anything
from being jealous.
- Not one time.
- I don't think it's made me work harder,
I don't think it's made me work better,
it has only made me,
it's like, what I was
talking about last week,
I lost my purse and I just had it.
I was just kind of like,
oh, well, that sucks.
I'll either find it or I won't,
but there's nothing I can do right now.
As opposed to, you idiot,
why'd you lose your purse,
like you're such a stupid bitch.
Which is what I would usually do,
which has never helped
anyone find anything,
is calling themselves a stupid bitch.
But that's what I feel like I do
when I get jealous of people.
Social media, too, I mean,
do you avoid that now?
- It's the worst.
It's a nightmare, it's
a complete nightmare.
- It's a nightmare.
- It went from a thing
that connects us all,
that was really beautiful
and exciting, to a thing
that only brings out
the most inhuman sides of people.
- Yeah. I think it's,
we've obviously been saying
this for years now about
how we all gotta get off it,
and it makes us compare ourselves,
but it is reached a point where
it makes me depressed.
- Oh, for sure.
You see a post where you're like,
oh that just ruined my
day, and I don't even care.
Like, the world is the exact same
whether I see this post or not,
but because I like looked at it
and like, ate those feelings,
now I'm just gonna be thinking about that.
Yeah, I hate it.
- Well I posted that video
of my dad and mom singing
last night and Mark Norman said,
his comment was like,
I look at your parents
and wish I had that
relationship with mine.
And I was like, you only see what I post.
You don't see the bad.
- That's the thing,
I love when people that do those posts
where they're like, it's only fair
because I post the good things,
here's something I failed at.
Somebody did that the other day
and I was like, I love that.
I wish more people did that.
- And it's just like a girl
where she has a tear
streaming down her face
but she looks hot.
(laughing)
She's like, there are bad nights too.
You know you look pretty in this.
But I wrote that and then
my dad wrote underneath it,
he wrote like, wow.
Like he was like mad and I was like,
it's true, I don't.
- That's so funny.
- I don't ever post a
video of me being like,
fuck you mom!
And slamming a door, but
that happens, you know?
And that's, I do appreciate you so much,
Chris Gethard, because you are just,
you're just so honest.
- I try to be, although I do feel bad
that I came in here and this instantly got
like way too philosophical and depressing.
- I love hearing this.
- That's your brand.
- That's a little too on brand for me.
- Lose Well is the book.
- Over talky and depressing,
that's my brand.
- Is this like a self-help book?
Is this your version of self-help?
- It is my version of it, yeah.
HarperOne, one of the
editors, saw my HBO special,
which as you know focused
on a lot of very dark stuff
with my mental health,
and they asked me to write
a book version of it.
I said, I don't want to be
the depression guy forever.
And they said, well we
really want to work with you.
And I found it an interesting challenge
to be contracted to write a
book by a self-help company.
And I'd like to think
that it's not snake oil
or bullshit, it's basically just stuff
where I'm like, I've been
doing this for 18 years
and here's a bunch of stuff
I learned that worked for me,
good luck to you.
It's a weirdly pessimistic self-help book,
which I'm kind of proud of.
Over and over again, I'm like,
it's probably not gonna work,
don't convince yourself it is.
99% chance that you don't get
where you're trying to go.
But I just don't think
that that's a bad thing,
so I felt comfortable writing it.
I don't anybody's gonna be convinced
by me going, here's the
way to get to your dreams,
but I think they'll be
convinced by me going,
hey, I'm a guy with weird instincts
who has a giant forehead, who often thinks
that he looks like a fucking monster man
who has somehow still
managed to work for 18 years
and survive at the thing he wanted to do.
Even though I'm admittedly never
the funniest comedian in the room,
it's like, well how did I do that?
That's the stuff that might
actually help regular people.
- That's what I want to read.
That's what I would've
been eager to consume.
If you or anyone in your
life feels that way,
where they're like, you
know you have a talent,
but you might not have the confidence
or you might think how am I gonna make it,
this is the book to get that
person or to get yourself.
Lose Well is Chris Gethard's book
and he is someone that,
you figured out a way to,
you have a strong, your brand is strong.
- Thank you.
My brand game is on point.
- Do you remember, I
think we all started out
in this business trying
to be someone else.
Who were you trying to be
before you became Chris Gethard?
- Well I was at UCB in 2000, you know,
and whatever people think of it today,
some people have issues with the place.
I was there when no one
had ever heard of it
and it exploded and it was
this like, punk rock thing.
So I was seeing like, very,
very good friends of mine
wind up on SNL, wind up on sitcoms,
and I was like, I want that.
Meanwhile I was doing all
these shows in New York that,
I was doing shows where
comedians were like,
if you weren't funny
enough, you'd get shot
with a paintball gun on stage,
or a show where like a bunch
of us boxed each other,
or a show--
- They're still doing
some of these.
- From time to time, and it's like,
you know, a show where I rented a bus
and took people around New Jersey
and told them stories from my life
and the locations and everybody was like,
oh you do all the weird stuff.
And I would just kind of
like constantly apologize
for that, apologize, apologize, apologize,
and be like, no, no,
no, that's not all I do.
'Cause in my mind, I'm
like, no I'm gonna go get
an SNL or a sitcom job, just
like everybody else from UCB.
It hit a certain point
where, I write about it
in the book, a good
friend of mine sat me down
and was like, when are you gonna realize
that you're the one who
does all the weird stuff,
and you're the best one at it.
And just own that, like, why do you want
to go get a job just like the jobs
everyone else are getting?
Go do the paintball thing.
And you know I spent four
years on public access
with a TV show that was
aimed at trying to do that,
and it wasn't always easy
to be on public access
but then it eventually
had 47 episodes on cable,
like that's nothing to sneeze at.
And so much of it was just by saying like,
yeah, I'm not destined
for those other things,
let other people have those things.
- I do that a lot with like, you know,
I remember the first time this struck me
was either watching a Chappelle special
or a Bill Burr special that
I just really was like, wow.
That was tight and there
was something about it
that made me think, I don't know that I'll
ever get to that level of just brilliance.
And kind of being like,
you know what though,
they probably don't have
as good of friends as I do.
Like, I'm really good at
picking people as friends,
so I'm kind of like the
Chappelle of like, friendship.
Like, my point is, finding
what you are good at.
Like you're good at the weird stuff.
- Yeah, and the sad stuff.
- You're the best at it.
And finding that yeah,
but when you do comedy
you just look at like the comedy greats
and you're like, well if I don't
write the best one-liners.
If you compare yourself to Mitch Hedberg
or Dave Chappelle.
- It's never gonna end well.
- It's never gonna end well,
but what are you the best at,
and I'm not saying that
like having friends is like,
is a comedic achievement,
but I was like, what am I really good at.
What if I could say that
I am like the best at?
And I'm like, oh I think
picking people to be,
like I just have the greatest friends,
and so for a while I was like,
whenever I'd get down I'd be like,
well just remember that
your talent is that.
And then there's other
things that I'm good at too
that I've discovered along the way.
But I think that that
might be kind of a trick
if you're listening and you're like,
you compare yourself and you go,
I'll never look like
that, I'll never be that,
well it could be like a weird thing,
but you're better at
something than they are.
- Making videos, no I'm kidding.
- Yeah, making videos,
making shitty mermaid videos,
Carmen Lynch.
No, Carmen Lynch, you're
definitely someone
I look at that I'm like,
well I could never do,
I could never be,
that funny.
- But you can, and you will
be a mermaid too.
- I will.
I will never, I'll never
have a 10 year old stepson
type person to teach me.
But do you, Carmen do you relate to this,
like how do you deal with
competition? Carmen Lynch.
- Yeah, it's weird sometimes
'cause I want, I have
to check in with myself
and be like, what do you really want.
And I love traveling more than anything.
Like I want to see the world,
but I also love stand-up comedy.
So if I get an email that says,
do you wanna do a packet
for such-and-such show,
it feels very strange to be like, I don't.
- Yeah.
- Yes.
- You know? And it's weird to say that
to like your agent or something.
And there are some packets that I will do
but some of them I'm like,
no because if I do this
show, then I can't go to,
you know, wherever at the last minute.
- Right. But whereas if
someone said to you like,
do you wanna come do a show in Kazakhstan
and we can only pay you $800.
- Totally, like I went
to Pakistan last year,
I'm going to Greenland next month,
like I like--
- You're doing shows in Greenland?
- Yeah, and it doesn't even pay that much
but I'm like, I wanna
see what that's like.
- How do you even find those gigs?
- Well that one's for the troops.
That's a military thing.
But you know, it's like if I'm on a show
that I don't really want to write for
but it's, you know, I
should write for a show
because that's what you do in this career.
- And then you get to tell people
you're writing for that show,
and then you get to have it
as part of your Twitter bio.
- Right?
- Here's another thing I'll
say on this whole topic.
And this is not a reference to any names
that have come up thus far.
But I think we can all agree that
kind of being in the trenches,
and being around people,
not always, but often enough,
some of the most
successful people I've seen
who from the outside people are like,
those are the superstars,
from my perspective, seem
to be intensely lonely.
- Yeah.
- Intensely lonely and not
thrilled with how they live.
- That's like exactly what I,
I said this a few weeks ago but I,
I believe like, sometimes if
you are jealous of someone,
you go, would I trade
lives with them though?
And I almost never would.
- That's a really good question.
- So many people I'm like,
I wouldn't want to walk around like that,
with that voice and hair or whatever.
- [Chris] And everyone's scalping you.
- Yes, because, and I think Tom,
you're more in this part of your career
than any of us, because
we've been around longer,
but you're getting opportunities now
placed in front of you that it's like,
auditions for shows, or writing packets,
and they come across you and you go,
oh my god, like, I can't not throw my hat
in the ring for this, this is like,
you were like just saying.
And you gotta, I am so glad I didn't get
some of the jobs that I went out for.
I am so glad because, and
my therapist taught me this
a million times, when
you say no to something,
you're saying yes to everything else.
That means everything.
So, saying no can be very powerful.
I didn't say no a lot
but I wish I would've.
Because if I would've
gotten any of those jobs,
I wouldn't have this.
And who's to say if I
would've said no to this
I could be somewhere even
better, but I don't--
- Oh shit, that's a good point.
- [Nikki] I gotta go.
- You gotta say no to everything.
- But it really is, it's
hard to turn down things,
especially when you're a comic
and you just have to say
yes to everything upfront.
But man, there were some things
that I cried over not getting.
And I look back and I'm like,
that would've been miserable.
And all I really wanted was
the line in my Twitter bio.
- That's it.
- Or the announcement.
- For sure, when I first moved here,
there was writing jobs where I was like,
devastated that I didn't get,
and then I watched the
show after, I was like,
I don't even like this.
I don't even like this show,
why would I want to do this.
- Yes, and you would not be
able to do stand-up at night.
- Yeah, that's the thing.
- Or you would and you would be sleepless
like you were in college working two gigs.
Some of the things you look back on
that you didn't get, it's
usually a good thing.
- I was a guest writer at SNL in 2007
for two weeks.
- What?
- For two weeks
they brought me in.
- Oh my god, dream job.
- Dream job.
And I realized I was so, so devastated
to not get hired afterwards,
I got a sketch to dress
rehearsal, I was like,
oh I'm on this inside
track, didn't get hired.
Devastated, but I look
back at who I was in 2007
and I look at what that
job demands of people
and I realized, I would be dead.
I would've started drinking again,
I would've become addicted to drugs,
I know myself, I know where I was at,
I know that pace, I know
I would not have been able
to handle that at the age of 26, 27.
I would be dead.
If I wasn't dead, I would be
a vastly different person.
- I agree with you.
- It would have chewed me up
and spat me out, thank
god I didn't get it.
And it was the dream job
at the time and I cried.
I've submitted I think
for three or four years
after that, being like,
how did I drop the ball.
And it was like this great white whale
that was eating me up, I failed at this.
No, if I had gotten this I would've become
like a coke head, I know I would've.
I know I would've.
- I agree with you.
If I would've gotten some of the things
that were big opportunities early on,
I wouldn't have been able to get sober
and I'd probably be dead.
And not saying that everyone needs
to find sobriety and that's
what the solution is,
but for me, for our case,
for my mental stability,
I needed to not be successful
until I was ready for it.
And thank god I wasn't.
- Oh yeah.
- Because it would've been,
you know, well you see
it happen all the time,
people get too successful,
get these opportunities too
young and squander them.
- I mean in 2012, it was five years later
and I tried Adderall once and it led to
a real bad summer, you know?
- Oh, really?
- Like in 2007 I would've
been even less equipped.
Oh, yeah.
- Adderall.
- I lost, oh.
- Dangerous.
- Yeah, I started eating
like 60 milligrams a day.
- Whoa.
- I went nuts.
I lost a ton of weight,
I stayed up all night.
It was crazy.
- Yeah, you might lose weight on Adderall,
but the thing that has
kept me from doing it
is that it ages you.
'Cause your eyes are like (groans)
and so you get crow's feet faster.
So ladies.
- Wanna hear a real gross one?
- What?
- I had crazy side effects.
- What?
- I pooped blood.
- What!
- It made me poop
a lot of blood.
- Oh my god.
- And you were just like, well.
- Yeah, I didn't go to a doctor
for a frightfully long time.
What's that?
- Is that bad? Should I be concerned?
(laughing)
- I was just staying up all night
and acting like a crazy person,
so I just went with it.
- At that point, pooping blood,
you're just like, whatever.
- Yeah, there were bigger fish to fry.
- You're like, maybe
I ate a bunch of beets
a couple days ago.
You start like rationalizing.
(upbeat rock music)
