I sent two of my
writers to Walmart
and I made them talk
to people, strangers,
only using song lyrics,
and here's what happened.
[MUSIC - DUA LIPA, "NEW RULES"]
Too many times, too many times.
My love he makes me
feel like nobody else--
My love, he makes me
feel like nobody else.
What's that?
My love, he doesn't love me.
Oh, I'm sorry.
So I tell myself one,
don't pick up the phone.
Two.
I know he's only calling
because he's drunk and alone.
Well, that's not good.
Two, don't let him in, I'll
have to kick him out again.
There you go.
Three, don't be his friend.
I'm sorry to hear that.
You know you're gonna wake
up in the bed in the morning.
And if you're under him,
you ain't getting over him.
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]
[MUSIC - ARIANA GRANDE, "THANK
 U, NEXT"]
Wish I could say thank you
to Malcolm 'cause he was
an angel--
Wish I could say
thank you to Malcolm.
Oh, oh, oh.
Oh.
Because he was an angel.
Oh yeah?
Oh.
One taught me love, and
one taught me patience,
and one taught me pain,
and I'm so amazing.
I've loved and I've lost,
but that's not what I see.
Look what I got.
Oh, no, no.
Look what you taught me.
Yeah, all right.
Take care.
That's why I say thank you.
You're welcome.
Next.
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]
Thank you, next, next.
Thank you, next.
Thank you, next, next.
Thank you, next.
I'm so thankful for my ex.
Thank you, next, next.
Huh?
Thank you, next, next.
What do you mean?
Thank you, next.
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]
What is thank you next?
What happened?
--and I'm so amazing,
I've loved and I've lost--
I've loved and I've lost.
I know.
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]
Sorry.
But that's not what I see.
[LAUGHING]
So look what I got.
The loss from--
Look what you taught me.
Yeah, I don't know.
And for that I say
thank you, next, next.
Next time.
Thank you.
Next year.
Next, next.
[MUSIC - SARA BAREILLES,
 "BRAVE"]
You can be amazing--
You can be amazing.
Huh?
You can be amazing.
Oh, thank you.
You can turn a phrase
into a weapon or a drug.
Oh, thank you.
Do we have Christmas lights?
You can be the coolest.
Thank you.
Or be the backlash of
someone's lack of love.
Come on, let's go.
Is there a problem?
Come on, let's go.
Is there a problem?
Let's go.
No, nope, no.
No problem.
So why are you all up on him?
Let's go.
Ignore her.
No, why are you all up on him?
Sorry, bye-bye, sorry.
I wanna see you be brave,
just wanna see you,
just want, just wanna see you.
Didn't think I
would die this way.
I wanna see you be brave.
[AUDIENCE CHEERING]
[LAUGHING]
Woo!
[LAUGHING]
Yeah, be careful who you
talk song lyrics to, it's--
thanks, Lauren and
[INAUDIBLE],, I-- we'll be back.
