♪♪
[AUDIENCE CHEERING]
>>ALL RIGHT,
THREE, FOUR, AND FIVE HUNDRED.
THANK YOU.
>>THANK YOU.
CAN I HAVE A SUCKER?
>>YEAH, GO AHEAD.
>>OKAY.
>>OH.
>>NOBODY MOVE!
HANDS UP!
DO IT!
WE CAN DO THIS THE EASY WAY
OR THE HARD WAY.
NOBODY CALLS THE COPS.
YOU!
I WANT YOU TO LOCK
DOWN THE DOORS,
AND THEN I'M GONNA HAVE
YOU OPEN UP THE SAFE.
THE REST OF YOU,
GET OVER HERE NOW.
I'M TAKING YOU HOSTAGE.
>>ESCU'E ME!
STAR FERALDO AIN'T NO
REGULAR HOSTAGE.
DO I LOOK LIKE A SCARED
PREFLORESCENT TWEEN GIRL
YOU CAN BOSS AROUND?
AW, NAH.
I DON'T "GET OVER HERE",
OKAY?
I COME WHEN I AM
FRESH AND FABULOUS.
>>ARE YOU CRAZY?
DO WHAT HE SAYS.
>>YEAH, ARE YOU TOTALLY STUPID?
>>FIRST O' ALL,
I DO NOT LIKE YOUR
CONTRANSCENDIN' TONE.
>>WHAT?
>>SECONDARY,
I'M A LITTLE PARCHED,
AND WOULD LIKE YOU TO
GET ME A SPORTS DRINK
FROM THE VENDIN' MACHINES
TO SASIFY MY THIRST.
>>NO.
NO, THIS IS A HOSTAGE SITUATION.
NO ONE'S GOING TO THE
VENDING MACHINES.
>>FINE.
BUT IF I DON'T GET HYDRATED,
I TEND TO LOSE MY AGREEABLE
NATURE AND BECOME DIFFICULT.
SO EITHER I GO CRAZIER
THAN KANYE IN HERE...
OR I GET SOME ELECTRIC LIGHTS.
>>GOOD GLORY.
JUST DO WHAT SHE SAYS.
>>WHAT DO YOU WANT?
>>GATORADE IN A CHINESE TEA CUP!
>>HOW WOULD I-- 
>>JUST--
JUST DO IT.
>>OKAY.
>>SO COULD WE HURRY
THIS BURGLARY UP?
I GOTTA GET HOME AND
WATCH RICKY LAKE.
>>NO.
DROP ON THE GROUND NOW.
ALL OF YOU DROP ON THE GROUND.
>>AW, NAH.
LEMME JUST FIX THIS RHINO STONE
ON MY NAIL.
THERE WE GO.
AW, NAH!
I DON'T DO DROPPIN'!
>>YOU THINK I'M JOKING?
>>OH, UH-UH!
YOU THINK I AM JOKIN'?
THESE ARE COTOUR YOGA PANTS,
NOT A SWIFTER WET CHET!
>>LOOK, I'M SORRY IF
THE FLOOR IS TOO--
>>UNCRYOGENIC.
>>BUT THAT IS NOT MY PROBLEM!
LOOK, THIS IS PRETTY SIMPLE,
OKAY?
YOU STAY OUT OF THE WAY,
I GET MY MONEY,
YOU GET TO LIVE.
>>IF YOU DON'T WANT STAR HERE,
STAR DON'T HADDA BE HERE.
STAR COULD BE BABYSITTIN'
STEVIE WONDER'S ILLEGITIMATE
GODSON AT CONEY ISLAND.
>>N.Y.P.D.
WE'VE GOT THE PLACE SURROUNDED!
[SIRENS]
>>WHO CALLED THE COPS?
WAS IT YOU?
>>AW, NAH.
I BEEN PERISCOPIN'.
MY FOLLOWIN' NEEDS TO KNOW
WHAT IS HAPPENIN' AT ALL TIMES.
HI, SHANAYNAY!
>>NO.
[PHONE RINGS]
>>HELLO?
>>YOU DON'T WANT TO DO THIS,
SON.
>>NO,
I DO.
THERE'S NO TALKING
ME OUT OF THIS.
I WILL KEEP THESE HOSTAGES
'TIL MORNING IF I HAVE TO!
[SPITS]
>>OH NO HE DI'N'T.
MR. SWEATY MAN,
DO YOU HAVE ANY IBUPROFEN?
'CUZ I GOT A SERIOUS CASE O'
AW, NAH!
I DON'T DO MO'NIN'S!
>>DON'T START WITH ME.
I'M MAKING MY DEMANDS.
>>UH-HUH, UH-HUH.
OH, I GET YOU,
MR. CONVICT MAN.
YOU NEED TO USE ME AS BEVERAGE--
>>WHAT?
>>--FOR SOMETHIN'
REALLY IMPORTANT,
BUT I CAN'T DO DAT 'CUZ--
OH!
OH, WHAT'S HAPPENIN' HERE?
OH, LOOK!
IT'S MY FINGERS.
OH, THEY HAVIN' A PARTY.
LOOK, THEY DANCIN'.
OH, BUT IT'S GETTIN' LATE,
SO THEY ALL GOTTA GO HOME,
EXCEPT THIS ONE,
HE CLEANING UP.
AW, NAH!
I DON'T DO MO'NIN'S!
>>YOU STILL THERE, SON?
>>YEAH, UH--
SHUT UP!
I WANT A HELICOPTER ON
THE ROOF OF THIS BANK TO
TAKE ME WHEREVER I WANT,
ASAP.
>>ALL RIGHT.
IT'S GOING TO TAKE US SOME TIME,
SO JUST GIVE US AT LEAST
UNTIL MORNING.
[INHALES SHARPLY]
>>FINE.
>>AW, NAH.
AW, NAH.
AW, NAH, NAH, NAH, NAH, NAH, NO!
WHAT IS WRONG WITH
THE WORLD TODAY?
>>HELLO?
>>PERHAPS MY CHAIR-TABLE NATURE
HAS MUDDIED MY POINT,
BUT LEMME CLARIFY!
WHEN THE GRASS IS COVERED IN
SHINY STUFF THAT SOAK THROUGH
YOUR DIAMOND-GLITTER SLIPPIES,
WHEN YOU GO SEE BEAUTY AND
THE BEAST AT THE MOVIES AND
YOU ONLY HAD TO PAY HALF PRICE,
WHEN I AM STILL CURLED UP IN MY
SPONGEBOB SNUGGIES PLAYIN'
"I SHOULD SOFTLY"
ON MY ROSE GOLD SHUFFLE,
THAT'S MO'NIN'!
AND I!
POLICE SIREN.
DON'T!
TAKIN' YOUR FINGERPRINTS.
DO!
HOLDIN' YOU AT GUNPOINT.
JUST KIDDIN'.
THIS ONE'S TESTY.
MOR-OR-NIN'S!
[SCUFFLING]
>>GET HIM!
ALL RIGHT.
TAKE HIM OUTSIDE.
WE NEED TO TALK TO
THESE WITNESSES.
>>BYE, MR. CONVICT SWEATY MAN.
>>ALL RIGHT.
THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR STALLING
SO THAT WE COULD FIND A WAY IN.
>>AW, NAH.
>>UH, COULD WE GET YOU ALL TO
STOP BY THE STATION TO ISSUE
A STATEMENT TOMORROW?
MAYBE 10 A.M.?
>>AW, NAH!
NAH, NAH, NAH, NAH, NAH, NAH!
>>ALL RIGHT, EVERYBODY,
THANKS SO MUCH FOR WATCHIN'
THIS SKETCH!
AND WE'RE REALLY GRATEFUL WE
GOT TO PLAY WITH MALIA HERE.
SHE'S SUCH A FUN, SKINNY GIRL.
WE LOVE HER.
NOW, IF YOU WANT TO SEE
ANY HER VIDEOS,
THEY'RE GONNA BE
RIGHT OVER HERE,
AND THEY HELP YOU SAVE MONEY,
SO YOU CAN GO OUT AND
GET YOUR HAIR DONE DID OR
DO SOMETHING NICE FOR YOURSELF,
YA KNOW WHAT I'M SAYIN'?
01:05:02.866,00:00:00.000
YEAH.
