Good morning, John. 
Thank you for your lovely video this week
answering questions about sex and relationships.
It was so universally well-received, that
my sibling rivalry has kicked in, and now
I'm going to answer questions even better than you!
I'm gonna eat your answers for breakfast!
But I'm going to be answering questions from Facebook and Twitter
about adulthood and growing up.
Q: What's it like to do taxes?
Imagine if you will: you're sitting at home, reading a book, there's a knock on the door,
you open it up and there's a man with a top-hat  and a beard.
And he says, "We would like
you to contribute your society by paying
your fair share for things like defense and education
and healthcare for old people"
You're like, "Yeah! I mean, okay. 
That sounds reasonable to me!
Who should I make the check out to?" 
And then, he starts hitting you with a stick!
(Hank groans in pain)
I don't know why it's so hard!
Q: How do I deal with Peter Pan syndrome?
Look, growing up is what you want it to be. We're grownups now,
and it's our turn to decide what that means. 
Being silly is still allowed,
that's not excluded by adulthood. What's excluded by adulthood is thoughtlessness.
So be thoughtful and silly!
Q: Why are job applications so awful?
I don't know, but they are! Maybe you should go into Human Resources and
and revolutionize how we hire people in this country because it's pathetic and bad!
Q: How do you deal with the loss of free time?
Look, all time is free and as you've progressed through life,
you have had things to do, and you will
still have things to do!
but there will still be lots of time for you to do other stuff!
Just don't spend it all watching TV!
Q: How do you live an active social life on a budget?
Have parties!
At your house or other people's houses.
Fun, silly parties!
You can watch Harry Potter, or, like, write up fake wills and tell everybody who's
gonna get your stuff!
And never, ever, ever buy alcohol at bars!
I can't imagine a faster way of spending
money... with less benefit!
Q: How do you get past your insecurities?
If you fail, I will like you more.
So, FAIL! Start failing now! I order you!
Q: As an adult, is it still OK to watch Disney movies and cry?
(crying) Rapunzel, the lanterns are for you!
Q: Does time really speed up as you get older?
Yes! And I imagine you've already noticed this happening and I don't know why it
happens, and I'm not a big fan of it!
Q: Would you go back to being younger if you could?
Ooh, no no no. No, absolutely not, no.
I like having a much deeper and more thoughtful understanding of the world
and I didn't back then. 
I remember in my junior year of high school people were like
"This is the best time of your life!" 
and I was like, " Oh, it better not be!"
Q: How do you establish good credit?
Pay your bills!
Q: If you get married, is it okay to still
hang out with friends of the opposite sex?
Yeah. But, if you're like hanging out with
them by yourself, and you
have this, like, mutual urge to lick each others mouths,
then you should stop hanging out with that person.
Q: How do you make friends as an adult?
I think, just first, that you keep the friends that you've always had.
But, you make from the same way as you always have!
Mutual acquaintances.
Common shared interests. 
Figuring out that they don't annoy you as much as
other people. Then make them dinner, or go bowling, or do bad karaoke together.
That stuff.
Q: But how do you know when you're an adult?
You don't. I'm sorry.
We pretend to like that we live in a world of harsh edges.
But there are no harsh edges.
There are no borders between these things.
Those hard lines are
all imaginary and they're just
created for convenience.
Whether it's loving, or growing up for raising a child, or having a job.
These aren't destinations, 
they're not achievements to unlock.
Life isn't a video game.
It's a journey!
Everything is a journey, and we get to travel it together,
and I hope, I hope that you enjoy it.
And John, I'll see you on Tuesday.
(outro music)
