EVERYONE KNOWS, I'M A HUGE FAN
OF CELEBRITY LIFESTYLE BRANDS.
THEY'RE LIKE IF MY CELEBRITY
INTERVIEWS AND MY COMMERCIALS
MAD A BABY, WHICH IS WHY--
 (  LAUGHTER  )
I WOULD-- I WOULD WATCH THAT.
THAT WOULD BE-- THE RATINGS
WOULD BE AMAZING, BY THE WAY.
WHICH IS WHY I, LIKE EVERYONE
ELSE, AM ASKING THE QUESTION "IS
POOSH THE NEW GOOP?"
ALSO, ARE NOISES THE NEW WORDS?
IS "FLURP" THE NEW "CLURB?"
DON'T KNOW WHAT I'M TALKING
ABOUT?
WELL, WAKE UP, GRANDPA!
BECAUSE THERE'S A NEW CELEBRITY
LIFESTYLE PLAYER ON THE SCENE:
KOURTNEY KARDASHIAN.
SHE CAUSED A REAL STIR LAST
MONTH WHEN SHE LAUNCHED HER SITE
BY POSTING THIS PICTURE.
I JUST WANT TO POINT OUT THAT IS
A VERY DANGEROUS WAY TO DRINK
TEA.
 (  LAUGHTER  )
AND POOSH UP HERE IS THE NAME OF
HER BRAND-- ALSO THE PART OF HER
THAT WAS GETTING REALLY CHILLY
ON THAT MARBLE COUNTER DOWN
HERE.
CHILI CHILL CHILLY ON THE POOSH.
YOU DON'T WANT ANY HOT TEA ON
THE POOSH, MY FRIEND.
 (  LAUGHTER  )
ON THE SITE, KOURTNEY EXPLAINS
THAT POOSH IS THE NICKNAME OF
HER SIX-YEAR-OLD DAUGHTER,
PENELOPE.
AND SHE IS "THE EPITOME OF THE
POOSH GIRL: PLAYS BY HER
OWN RULES, COLORS OUTSIDE THE
LINES, AND CELEBRATES LIFE WITH
AN INFECTIOUS CONFIDENCE
AND EASE."
AND SHE LAUNCHED HER BRAND
BECAUSE, "I FELT THERE WAS
SOMETHING MISSING IN THE
HEALTHY LIFESTYLE SPACE."
SOMETHING LIKE THE MONEY FROM IT
WASN'T ENDING UP IN HER BANK
ACCOUNT.
AND THE SITE HAS SOME GOOD
BEAUTY TIPS.
IN A POST CALLED, "HOW TO LOOK
GOOD NAKED"-- AGAIN, WHOLE
THING'S NAMED AFTER HER
6-YEAR-OLD DAUGHTER-- POOSH'S
ADVICE WAS TO INVEST IN SOME
CANDLES.
THAT IS AN EMPOWERING MESSAGE:
BEAUTIFUL, AND YOU SHOULD FEEL
GOOD ABOUT YOUR BODY, WHEN IT IS
VIEWED IN A VERY LOW, FLICKERING
LIGHT."
HEY, THIS CENTURY-- THIS
CENTURY-- MAYBE YOU'RE A SIX.
YOU'RE A MEDIEVAL NINE.
BUT IF YOU'D PREFER TO SPEND
YOUR WAY TO WELLNESS, POOSH HAS
SOME QUALITY PRODUCTS.
FOR EXAMPLE, TO SPRUCE UP YOUR
BATHROOM, POOSH SUGGESTS A
$1,390 GARBAGE CAN.
IT'S PERFECT FOR WHEN YOU NEED
TO THROW AWAY $1,390.
 (  LAUGHTER  )
 ( APPLAUSE )
OR-- OR--
OR, IF YOU NEED A TIMELESS
HOSTESS GIFT, POOSH SUGGESTS
THIS AMETHYST DICE SET FOR JUST
$195.
IT'S THE PERFECT WAY TO SAY YOU
PLAY MONOPOLY LIKE A POOR
PERSON.
 (  LAUGHTER  )
BUT IT'S NOT JUST PRODUCTS.
NO.
POOSH ALSO HAS HOME DECOR TIPS,
LIKE COOL BOOKS FOR YOUR COFFEE
TABLE THAT ARE A GREAT
CONVERSATION STARTER.
THEY'LL SPARK GREAT QUESTIONS
LIKE, "OOH, HAVE YOU READ THIS?"
AND GREAT ANSWERS LIKE, "NO."
 (  LAUGHTER  )
AND-- AND THEY'VE ALSO GOT
RECIPE RECOMMENDATIONS, LIKE
KOURT'S SIGNATURE SALAD, WHICH
CONSISTS OF HARD-BOILED EGGS,
AVOCADO, TOMATOES AND
MOZZARELLA.
I MEAN, I GUESS THAT'S A SALAD,
THE SAME WAY MY WHISKEY AND COKE
IS A SALAD.
 (  LAUGHTER  )
BUT IF THERE IS ONE THING I KNOW
ABOUT THE CELEBRITY LIFESTYLE
E-COMMERCE MARKET SPACE, IT'S
THAT YOU BLINDLY COPY GWYNETH
PALTROW.
AND WHEN YOU'VE ALREADY DONE
THAT: YOU BLINDLY COPY THE
PERSON COPYING GWYNETH PALTROW.
SO THAT'S WHY I'M EXCITED TO
ANNOUNCE THAT MY OWN CELEBRITY
LIFESTYLE BRAND, COVETTON HOUSE,
IS INTRODUCING A NEW WEBSITE
CALLED "COVETTOOSH."
 (  LAUGHTER  )
IT IS NAMED-- IT IS NAMED AFTER
MY SIX-YEAR-OLD SELF,
BECAUSE HE WAS THE EPITOME
OF A COVETTOOSH BOY:
FREE-SPIRITED, ADVENTUROUS, AND
CONSTANTLY SHOPPING TO FILL A
HOLE THAT CAN NEVER BE FILLED.
LOOK HOW HAPPY I WAS.
WHAT A HAPPY CHILD I WAS.
 (  LAUGHTER  )
HERE AT COVETTOOSH, WE'RE
PLEASED TO OFFER AN ARRAY OF
ADVICE AND PRODUCTS SUITABLE FOR
YOUR PURCHASING NEEDS, SUCH AS
THE PERFECT HOST GIFT: OLD DICE
THAT WE STOLE FROM A CHILD'S
MONOPOLY SET.
$299.
AND IF YOU'RE HUNGRY, THERE'S
STEPHEN'S SIGNATURE SALAD: AN
AVOCADO ON A PLATE-- UNLESS
YOU'RE ON A PLATE-FREE DIET, IN
WHICH CASE, JUST SUCK IT OUT OF
THE SKIN.
WE'LL ALSO GIVE ADVICE ON HOW
BEST TO SHOW OFF YOUR BAR
 ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
I'M NOT SURE IF THAT MOCK-UP
IMPROVED OR DEGRADED MY BODY.
OUR TIP?
IF YOU'RE GOING TO BE NAKED, USE
INDUSTRIAL FLOODLIGHTS.
IF YOU POINT THEM OUTWARD IN
FRONT OF YOU, CAN YOU TURN THEM
ON QUICK AND BLIND WHOEVER IS
LOOKING AT YOU.
YOU GO, GIRL!
WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH CRAIG
FERGUSON.
