♪♪
Are you worried about video game feminism?
But also a fan of the works of Sierra?
Fresh off the white-hot financial success of the landmark premiere nine people attended,
Jordan Owen is at it again!
For the low, low price of...
[CHORTLING]
Sixty...?!
...you can help noted filmmaker and
very happy man
Jordan Owen make a documentary about the golden age of Sierra On-Line.
Why Indiegogo and not Kickstarter, you ask?
Because if the project doesn't make its goal, he can still keep all the mon— I mean, uh, bec— Uh—
You can tell Jordan's a professional, because he put the macOS default screensaver on. Y'know, for extra effect.
Come on, nudge the mouse. Ple... No, ju—
You just— It's distract— I can't— Just nudge the— AAAAAAAAAA—
"...the game creators themselves."
[LAUGHS]
That's a trick I remember from The Sarkeesian Effect— the legendary editing technique known as the...
"...travel and production expenses, as well as promotion, and salaries for a four-person crew.
But even more importantly, it will go to pay for the professional quality editing
and post-production work that we need to make this film really shine.
We have some really cool..."
What an amazing, "professional" crossfade right there.
That must've taken at least two mouse clicks!
That'll be sixty...!
[LAUGHING HYSTERICALLY]
But just in case Jordan's insistence that he'll make a good documentary this time, I promise, didn't sell you,
check out this awesome test footage he shot,
featuring two and a half minutes or less of interview footage of a game developer at his house.
This footage is, honestly, so much better-looking than The Sarkeesian Effect.
It has crossfades and B-roll, and the main interview subject is in focus,
and most importantly, it isn't made by a racist magician.
And this footage only cost $1500 to ma— wait, what?
"And I took out a personal loan with him, that I will— uh, for $1500 that I'll be paying back with interest."
He needed to take out a loan from someone, but bear with me here.
There wasn't any money left over from The Sarkeesian Effect's budget.
At least after buying two MacBooks, and a Mac mini, and a new camera to film his blogs with.
But wait! Corey Cole, creator of the Quest for Glory series,
publicly refused to appear in the documentary after looking up Jordan's previous work online.
"TLDR: We will not appear in his film."
[READING HIGHLIGHTED SECTION]
That troglodyte!
What sort of idiot judges people based on the things they've said and done in the past?
But Jordan's coverage of Sarkeesian has always been above board.
He's always focused on the important issues.
OWEN: "They haven't said anything about it,
but you might also notice that she's learned to smile like a white person.
- If you look at..."
- MUNDANEMATT: "Oh, that big wide-mouth grin?"
- "Yeah, if you look at her— her genuine smile..."
- [LAUGHING] Oh, no, don't! Jordan, no!
"Well, she's less genuine all the time, but if you look at... yeah, when she smiled..."
Like a white person! He says it like he owns a fucking plantation!
- "...they're, they're— especially her upper lip..."
- No, stop! He's still talking about it!
- "...sort of, um... There's a curvature to it where the out— the outer..."
- [LAUGHING]
She's a wrong smiler! She doesn't smile like her race!
She's a wrong smiler!
That'll be $54,000, please!
"...indicative of how someone might— someone from that ethnic background might smile, uh, whereas, I don't know..."
Stop talking about it!
[LAUGHING]
I wonder why he couldn't just talk with Jordan directly? He's famously excellent at responding to criticism.
[READING TWEET]
"But if you have a problem with any aspect of the production, fuck you.
I don't care if you donated $10,000.
I don't care if you donated $10,000,000.
I don't care if you donated BONE MARROW.
[LAUGHING]
Fuck you."
And besides, the music's actually alright,
considering that Jordan Owen only knows how to play one instrument, as far as I can tell, and that instrument
is the world's tiniest violin! Deedle-deedle-deedle...
You get it? It's a tiny violin! I bought this for this joke! Are you happy?
I'm funny!
I'm funny.
What could be off-putting about this hour-long video?
And look how cordial he was when he thought
he'd caught Anita Sarkeesian lying about something.
[HEAVILY DISTORTED SCREAMING]
I have a hard time wondering why the Coles wouldn't want to associate with Jordan.
It couldn't possibly be because of the things he writes and says and does.
But don't worry, I'm sure Jordan will plow on regardless and use a portion of the
$20,000 he would have spent traveling to interview them
to improve the quality elsewhere, or research the history in even more depth.
"That project has now been cancelled."
Oh. Truly this is a loss for the world of documentary cinem—
I can't do it. I ca— I'm sorry.
Even the title of this video is a deliberate lie for attention.
"Ken & Roberta Williams will not speak to me, the Two Guys from Andromeda will not speak to me.
Jane Jensen will not speak to me, Jim Walls, Christy Marx. Nobody will speak to me."
By "Sarkeesian fans killed my documentary", he means:
But to be fair, there probably wasn't enough space in the title, was there?
Let's play a game. I'm going to read you a quote real quick.
No, that's not a quote from Skeletor.
That's from Jordan Owen's personal overlord, Ayn Rand.
Jordan loves to pull out his Rand—
if you know what I'm saying—
at a moment's notice, and quote her word verbatim to prove a point.
Because the argument from authority is totally not fallacious in the slightest.
But apparently when Jordan read this part,
he misread it as:
If Jordan can't even be trusted to understand the views of the one person he claims to admire the most,
what does that say about his take on the people he doesn't like?
"You know that she says context is completely irrelevant, and that if you use the... the...
uh, if you use the tropes at all, it's bad, and that's just a very shallow interpretation, er—"
[LAUGHING]
Did you just have a moment of self-awareness?
You're right, it is a shallow interpretation of what she said! You're right!
A comical amount of money.
"I had now acquired the ability to make a professional-looking
quality documentary film.
What I have been working on...
for six months now..."
That Al Lowe interview took six months?
There's a lot of great moments of silent reflection in this video,
where he just sort of doesn't say anything for a while,
and looks like he's about to realize something about himself.
People saw the things I said and wrote on the internet and now they don't want to work with me,
and this is everybody's fault but mine!
"It's like having Walt Disney call you an asshole."
Now personally, if Walt Disney, noted racist and fan of Hitler, called me an asshole,
I would think of that as a compliment,
but I didn't willingly work with Davis Aurini, so whatever floats your boat, I guess.
Instead, Jordan Owen's decided to try and court mainstream success by opening a Patreon.
"Get me up to one hundred dollars per video on at Patreon
so I can hashtag game review
hashtag Star Fox Zero!
Patreon dot com slash Jordan Owen forty two
hashtag crowdfunding hashtag game dev—"
[STAMMERING]
"Every video that you see...
[CLEARS THROAT]
from me constitutes at least a day's worth of work."
At least a day's worth of— It took a day to film yourself talking to a camera for 20 minutes?
Do you live in a black hole? Do you experience time dilation?
[LAUGHING HYSTERICALLY]
This isn't real! How is it—?!
"Uh, so far I've made about $2,000 in sales of The Sarkeesian Effect.
Laugh it up if you want."
Uh, no, I don't think I will, thank you.
I don't need permission to laugh at you, fascist.
Although to be fair, that's pretty funny.
"Also, there's an additional personal reason, which is that
I would like very much to spend, uh, Christmas with somebody.
They know who they are."
Don't worry, Jordan. We all know who that is.
"And I'll tell you right now, my favorite dancer at my favorite club is Molly at Tattletale's.
Go look her up, and you'll find out why."
When a libertarian masturbates to completion,
does that technically make their dick a fountainhead?
Don't worry, Jordan. I started taking Patreon seriously in December, and look where it got me!
Oh.
Speaking of money, noted mass murderer Anita Sarkeesian's company, Feminist Frequency,
likes to Feminist "Frequently"
release PDF documents explaining what they did with all their money
and their— the general state of their financials.
They even have cute little pie charts and graphs showing you visually where all the money went.
I'm yet to see JO42 Productions release any kind of documentation about
where $54,000+ went making that film.
Where did all the money go?
We know from the Skype logs that Davis leaked
that a good deal of the money went to moving Davis from Canada to Vegas
and buying him and fixing him up a car, so he could travel there.
Um, but that still leaves out tens of thousands of dollars, hopefully.
So where did all that money go? I'm really interested.
Because it's certainly not on the screen.
Well, that about wraps it up for jordanowen42. I wish him luck in his future endeavors
complaining about how games are pushing a social justice agenda by having a lesbian in them.
"...and because everybody already knows my opinion of Dyke Mansion 3D."
That's almost as salient as the part where he criticizes the walk speed
that you can change!
Thanks for— oh, shit. Thanks for watching, everybody!
I'll see you next time! Until then, I'm gonna spend all that lucrative YouTube Red ad money!
How much did I make again?
Oh BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOY!
♪♪
Yeaaaaaaaa—
This week I'd like to thank— oh wow, there's a ton of people.
I just made a joke about having no money, and here's all these lovely people who've given me money.
[LAUGHS]
In alphabetical order:
Hello, you're new.
Rob Brunt,
Who both likes my videos enough to give me money and deals with my shitposting on Something Awful—
And Kevin M...
[FUDGES LAST NAME PRONUNCIATION]
Oh, and Tyler J. as well.
Thanks for watching. Until next time,
remember to smile like your designated race is supposed to.
♪♪
