What kind of story is this?
This is the story of scales on a vampire.
No, no, no. It's Tales from the Campfire.
Wait. You believe in aliens?
Of course. It's right here in the Declaration of Independence.
There are certain rights that don't apply to aliens. They're unalienable.
You just carry the Declaration of Independence around with you?
Yeah, I'm working on my American Heritage merit badge.
Anyway, I don't think that that's what Thomas Jefferson meant by unalienable.
How would you know? Closest you've ever got to T.J. is your beloved $2 bill.
They put me on the $2 bill?
But that's in limited circulation.
Who ended up on the $100 bill anyway? Like George Washington or Steph Curry?
Benjamin Franklin.
That kite-flying geezer wasn't even president.
Guys, are we going to address the elephant in the room?
Leave me out of this, please.
I think he was referring to me. Yes, it's really me.
Thomas Jefferson. The Sage of Monticello, the Pen of the Revolution.
The original Tommy Jilfiger.
Huh?!?
Yeah, that last one never caught on.
Excuse me, Mr. Jilfiger?
Please, call me the Sage of Monticello.
OK, Sage of Montezuma.
I'm working on my American Heritage merit badge
and requirement 2A says we have to learn about a famous political leader in history.
Oh, well I would be honored.
No no, no, no. Do you think you could put me in touch with Alexander Hamilton?
Chase, we've got one of the forefathers of our country right here. Talk to him.
Whoa, I always thought there were more.
More what?
Fathers, like more than four. There's so
many more signatures than that.
He's right. To be exact, 56 of us signed the Declaration of Independence
and Alexander Hamilton was not one of them.
OK, I do have one question that's really been bugging me.
Ah, splendid. I would be happy to engage you in a rigorous philosophical debate about the
founding of this great land. Fire away.
OK, what's the deal with those powdered wigs?
Well, all distinguished gentlemen
wear them. Plus, it hides the bald spot
and the lice that have set up camp on my
scalp.
Well, that's honest.
Did someone say honest?
Abraham Lincoln! What are you doing here?
Well, Thomas and I need to finish posing for the rest of Mount Rushmore.
Our faces are done and today they're doing torsos.
And we have time to answer one more question.
What's your proudest achievement?
Writing the Declaration of Independence, of course.
The Emancipation Proclamation
and being on the $5 bill.
That's two and a half times better than the $2 bill.
You know all those kids were talking
about the Alexander Hamilton.
Have you seen that show?
I mean I'm Thomas Jefferson and ...
I'm Abe Lincoln, yes, and you're Thomas Jefferson. We're two of the greats.
And you're Abe Lincoln.
Yes, you're Thomas Jefferson and I'm
Abe Lincoln. We've established that.
But there's no Abe Lincoln The Musical.
Maybe we write our own.
OK, the opening number. I can see it now.
Thomas Jefferson takes center stage.
Well, well, well. I think I come in too.
Abe Lincoln is running the spotlight, shining it down on Thomas Jefferson.
No, no. I will be on stage in my hat. Just the hat.
And my full tuxedo.
Good, good. I think we have the wardrobe down.
Then I remove the hat. I put it back on.
Put my hands out and sing my opening number
while you play the piano.
I'm Abe Lincoln and I'm here to sing...
