 
# BEAR

## by Winona Wendy Joy

### Published on Smashwords  
by  Western Grebe Publishing

### All rights reserved  
Copyright © 2016 Winona Wendy Joy

### Smashwords , License Notes

Thank you for buying this ebook. It is licensed for your personal enjoyment and may not be re-sold or given away to other people. If you want to share this book, please purchase another copy to share. If you're reading this book and didn't buy it, please buy a copy. Thank you for respecting the hard work of this author.
TABLE OF CONTENTS

Chapter One

Chapter Two

Chapter Three

Chapter Four

Chapter Five

Chapter Six

Chapter Seven

Chapter Eight

Chapter Nine

Chapter Ten

Chapter Eleven

Chapter Twelve

Chapter Thirteen

Chapter Fourteen

Chapter Fifteen

Chapter Sixteen

Chapter Seventeen

Chapter Eighteen

Chapter Nineteen

Chapter Twenty-

About the Author
Chapter One

When the Pilot told us to fasten our seat belts, his voice sounded a little odd, but he couldn't be scared, could he? I did as I was told and so did all the rest of the passengers sitting in the jumbo jet. None of us had any idea that the next five minutes would alter our lives beyond comprehension, and forever.

We would be dead, alive, unconscious, in pain, or dying. Most of what happened to us depended on where in the plane we were buckled in. His voice over the intercom didn't sound upset or scary, it actually sounded calm and reassuring. They probably had to practice acting and talking calmly in pilot school.

Looking out my window, I could see snow covered peaks, and forests, seemingly for miles.

Just twenty minutes ago, we had left Nome, heading south. I knew the flight could not be too lengthy, because we had already been served drinks and food.

Being alone on the flight was a regular occurrence for me since my parents divorce. I would be continually flying back and forth between Nome and Los Angeles, at least until I reached eighteen, and was out on my own. All this because my parents each still wanted to be part of my life, that's what they said. The truth, I thought, was they really did want me to be part of their lives. As far as I could see, I was the one main bright spot in their dreary days. A child is always fun to be around, at least for a little while. Being shuttled back and forth was a built in reminder of how long each parent could stand to actually parent me.

Oh, yeah, the airplane. It begin to wobble. Sort of what they call turbulence, but this was the worst I had ever experienced. Then I felt cold fear, like never before on a plane. I got my purse, put my head through the strap and across my body, just in case the air turbulence got worse and jiggled the plane so much my purse could get lost. I put on my heavy wool winter coat, the new, long one. I wanted to be ready for anything and I didn't want to lose my stuff. If I could have stood up to get my carry on bag, I would have done so, but the whole situation was too wiggly.

Re-buckling my seat belt, I thought, how it would be to be dead. Maybe nice. No living person knew how it would be, so neither did any of us on this plane. We all just have to go to deadville and see for ourselves.

All kinds of stuff begin to fly around inside the airplane. It was wobbling unstably like being driven on an old fashioned, clothes washing washboard. Passengers were yelling, crying and one guy kept saying, the "F word," over and over again. I wasn't allowed to swear yet, so I didn't. I just looked all around at everybody else, being scared all by myself. The lucky people were the ones who had someone with them, sitting right next to them. They didn't have to die alone, like me.

Now, I heard some grinding noise, even louder than the airline attendants who were continually yelling for us to stay calm. They also said over and over for us to stay in our seats and seat belts. And that everything was under control. I thought: Right, lots of luck with that one. As if anyone could get out of their seat and as if anything was under control.

Glancing again outside, I could see we were nearer to the tops of the trees than I had ever seen before, except for taking off from the ground. It was then that I knew for sure we were going to crash. Now, I was petrified. Just watching, I knew we were going to get slammed, by something. A hill, a mountain, most definitely trees and the ground.

I leaned over, hugging my knees, trying to protect my head. Before leaning over, I even pulled the plastic privacy blind down to cover the window, not wanting glass in my face, and not wanting to see the ground coming up at me either. I put on the heavy wool hood attached to my coat to protect my head further, I hoped. I wound my wool scarf around my hands a couple of times, because I didn't have time to put it around my neck or to put my gloves on. They were in my coat pockets, and there was a large man sitting next to me, so I wasn't able to get my hands into my coat pockets to get my gloves out.

I could see he was praying the Lord's Prayer. Sweat was dripping off his forehead and face. He looked at me and said, "Don't be scared, little girl. It will be all right." Then he frantically took a little white pill, kinda secretly.

I knew it wouldn't be all right. Anyone here in the plane knew it would never be all right again. I could actually smell the fear and panic. It was in the air. I was breathing it too. Not only smelling it, the worst thing was I could feel the fear. Hearing all the panic and crashing sounds made it all the worse. There was scraping noises along the sides of the plane, and I surmised we were hitting tree tops; we weren't even beginning to slow down, that was the feeling of it. I was so scared now. My eyes were shut, as I was leaning over my knees, trying to make myself into as little a ball as possible.

The front of the plane hit something hard, causing a huge jerk, then a slowing, and a thud as loud as thunder. Then, on the other side of the aisle, a giant tree trunk smashed into us, tearing metal away. People were screaming. I heard my neighbor still saying the Lord's prayer, over and over. He kept losing his place, and then he would just start saying it again, only now any ol' where, not caring where he'd left off in the praying.

I couldn't breath because I just knew I would be dead in a minute, scared because I didn't know what was going to happen or how it would be. Some stuff must have hit me on the head, because then I saw nothing but black. When I became conscious again, I did think I was dead because everything was so black.

Probably because my eyes were still shut tightly. I was most likely scared of what I was going to see if I opened them. Now, there was an intense smell of gas like lighter fluid. It was just about overpowering. There was no more loud screaming, just a few moans and groans. I think I heard the swearing guy say once more a last F word, then after awhile all was relatively quiet.

~~~***~~~

Coming to...seeing that the plane had crashed and I was still alive was more of a shock than if I had died in the crash. I kinda even thought, why me? Why would I be left? No rhyme or reason to it.

Opening my eyes, I saw total devastation. I could just barely see down the aisle, by lifting my head up, but stuff was on my back, so I couldn't sit up, so I most definitely couldn't get out. So much blood, chaos, and things all over inside the plane that my mind couldn't register. Like tree branches. I even saw a bird's nest with three tiny eggs inside it, wedged between two small tree limbs tightly. Some part of my mind marveled that the bird's nest with the eggs in it were in perfect shape, but the entire plane a wreck. Hard to comprehend it all.

The left side of the plane was ravaged. Open air, sky, trees and ground could be seen close and far off. Most of the passengers who were sitting on the left side were gone, out of sight, strewn about on the ground probably. The final slam had killed them on impact, or maybe the plane ran over them.

I sat on the right side of the jet. It fared practically no better than on the other side of the aisle. I saw under the crush of metal and debris people who were smashed to death, some were in pieces, and some were all askew, not looking real, but like scare crows with limbs sticking out in the wrong places.

For an unknown reason, I seemed to be all in one piece. Stuff was on top of me, but I could feel all my limbs, torso and head. All of it seemed to be all right. I couldn't understand it. Then it came to me, if I hadn't curled up into a little ball, I too would have been clubbed to death by either the plane itself, luggage, trees, or just anything flying around inside the plane, as we hit.

I could hear crying and a little talking. Not English though. Worried, now, that there would be no one to help me, not if they didn't know the meaning of the word help, even if I yelled it.

There was a tiny bit of room, now I could just about sit up and see down the main aisle better. So I pushed as much stuff off me as I could, but not being strong enough to get the roof off the back of my seat, I thought I might go down instead of up. After all, I could see daylight near my feet. Then I rested a few minutes, I would try to get up and out soon. I was so tired.

~~~***~~~

Maybe I blacked out for quite awhile again, because it felt like a long time later that I heard a man's voice calling: "Is anyone in there? Call out if you can hear me."

Then was when I began to yell, "Help, here I am. Please come help me out."

I heard stuff being pulled from the roof, and then I saw a face. A man, kinda middle aged, was looking down at me as he was throwing debris off. When it was cleared overhead, he said, "Give me your hand, and I'll pull you out." I stuck my hand up, and he pulled.

Soon, I was on the ground outside. So glad to get out of there, smelling all that gas, I didn't want to burn to death. Smoky air was all around outside, some stuff burning all along the way of the wreckage, but it wasn't where I had been sitting, thankfully.

With my purse still slung over my body, coat on, the one with the hood, thank God, and a warm thick hoody was on underneath my new heavy wool coat. It was cold. Good thing I had been wearing my fur lined boots with extra heavy wool socks. There were patches of snow on the ground here and there, mostly around the base of trees where shade kept it from melting.

The man, looked at me and asked, "Are you all right, any bleeding?"

"No, I think I'm okay." I could still stand up, I was conscious, and I could walk. I did just that. I walked over to a big tree trunk, and brushing the snow away with my foot, I sat down and looked at the plane.

"Why do you think this part up here didn't catch fire?" I asked the man.

"Lost most of it's fuel by the bottom being ripped off along the way to actually stopping, is my guess. And the wings were sheared off way before we came to a complete stop, so a lot of the fuel was already gone from the main part by then," he replied. Then he added, "Don't light any matches though."

Then he was off, probably seeing if others were still alive. I was sure some were still alive or they were in the process of dying. I still heard sounds coming from the plane. So much pain in the air. Coming in waves and waves over to my ears as I sat under the tree without any pain at all. Made me feel kinda guilty, and certainly sad. I was in shock as to what had just happened to all of us. Only a few minutes ago, we were all on our way to somewhere. Most of us were flying towards home. We never dreamed today, that most of us would really get to our forever home, I bet.
Chapter Two

Not many survived the impact. A few of us did, but the people with injuries, which were most of them, didn't last long. We ate food from the plane and from all the luggage, that was strewn around and inside the wreckage. For the first few days, we were just trying to stay alive, and we were trying to make a plan.

Only the guy that hauled me out was without any injuries and myself. Just lucky, I guess. Or maybe not.

After about a week, no one else was left, only us two. We talked daily, but not much. Finally, our plan was to try to walk out. He told me that most of Alaska was out of the range of satellite service and that if they ever found this wreckage, it would be a miracle. That he knew all about the rescue services in Alaska and that a lot of times wrecks were never found. It was just too vast of a wooded area and once it snowed, it would be almost impossible to see anything resembling a plane. Especially if the wreckage was in the heavy forest, like where our plane crashed.

He rummaged around and found that no radio worked. He found nothing to use to call for help. We did get a lot of stuff from other people's luggage. Like chocolate, pocket knifes', a gun, cookies, canned fish, other food stuff, warmer clothing, even some camping stuff, plastic bags, a compass, and some bottles of water. He carried most of it. I had a big pack on my back too. I took what he told me to take. I didn't know what to do, so of course, I just followed his lead.

His name was Guy.

I told him, mine: "Jada."

Then he asked me my age. I wanted to make sure he didn't treat me without respect, like some grown-ups do towards kids, so I said: "You go first, how old are you?"

"Forty-five."

"I'm thirteen. Just turned thirteen last week. I got to spend my birthday with my mother in Nome. Where were you?"

"Nome too. Went there on business. I hale from Los Angeles though."

No more small talk. Then we begin to walk. It was hard, carrying all that stuff. I could hear the water slogging on my back, so I knew I carried most of the bottles of water. As if there wasn't enough around here. Snow spread out here and there. We could get water out of snow, couldn't we?

I was glad he wasn't a blabber. Me neither. I got bawled out all the time for being so quiet. I always thought that most of what people talked about would be better off unsaid.

Dad even said to me: "Whatcha so quiet about Punkin?" All the time.

I'd just smile and not answer. I wasn't at all like either of my parents. I wondered if there was a mix up at the hospital and if I got the wrong parents. I kinda had blond hair and both my parents had dark hair. Even our faces and skin didn't match. But I guess there is no law that says you have to look just like your parents.

~~~***~~~

I did have the feeling Guy was a kinda underhanded person. He didn't help many of the dying passengers when we were back at the crashed plane. On his side though, I will say, he did do whatever he probably thought he could do. He wasn't too caring. I thought him pretty unfeeling too, about the forest, about respect and privacy. Like he just threw food wrappers, plastic, and litter on the ground as we walked along.

One time I was trying to use the bathroom behind some brush, I thought I was far away from him, but I saw that he was trying to secretly watch me. It scared me and gave me the creeps. From then on, I was completely wary of him, noticing where he was at all times unless I was asleep, even then it became super hard to sleep for any length of time. I'd keep waking up all night to see if Guy was sleeping, then if he was sleeping I could relax for a little while and actually go back to sleep. If he was awake, I'd stay awake until I was sure he was sleeping. That made it safe for me to close my eyes again.

~~~***~~~

We rested each evening, I guess around four P.M., is when we stopped trekking. Guy was good at making fires. He sure brought whatever matches and lighters he could find off of the dead passengers. I think about ten lighters. So, we'd always be sitting around the fire, to eat whatever there was to eat. One time he fired the gun at a deer. I'm so glad he missed the deer. What if it was a doe and what if she had a baby. The baby would have died, and I would have had to eat the mother.

In the evening we spread big garbage bags out on the ground to lay on for a bed, and another one on top of us, to keep us dry. I made my bed as far away from Guy as possible. It usually snowed during the night or rained. Anyway, the plastic kept us pretty warm, and also dry enough from the ground dampness, rain, snow and fog.

~~~***~~

We were both still healthy so we kept on walking. After, I think about two weeks, I grew up in five minutes.

I was sleeping, but as usual, not too soundly, when Guy attacked me. I woke to find him pulling off my bedding, and trying to pull off my clothes. I went from sleeping to being panic stricken in a flash. At first I didn't know what was happening. I had read enough bad stuff and seen plenty of movies of it, but to comprehend it as happening to me, was way more frightening than any movie or book could'a told me. I was having a hard time breathing. I knew I was having a panic attack. The anxiety made my breathing raggedy and shallow. I thought I was going to die. The stench of him made me sick, I remember, I was gagging and choking while trying to fight him off me.

By now I was screaming, I think. In a far away distance I heard a girl's voice screaming and screaming, "Mama, Mama, help Mama! Daddy, Daddy, Dad, help me. Please." I was in a vacuum, way away from my body. The pain was unendurable, and thank God, at that point I passed out.

When I came back into my body and back into consciousness, he was off me. I was still crying and screaming loudly. I tried to quick get dressed as best as I could. My whole insides felt like someone had taken a lawn mower to them, and hacked away at my guts. I couldn't move without the pain being a ten or more like a twenty. The worst.

Guy was over by the trees, smoking a cigarette that he had stolen off a body at the wrecked plane. I knew I could get away faster than he could run. I was nearly dressed when he looked over at me. He begin to snuff out his smoke. When I grabbed my back pack and tried to run, I could barely run, the pain was so bad, but my mental anguish was worse than my body pain. I just had to get away from him. It was pitch dark, but I managed not to bang into too many trees, by some miracle. I ran and ran until I couldn't go any further, then sank down by a hollow log to rest. I could hear Guy thrashing around, yelling for me, how sorry he was and that it would never happen again. Now begging for me to stay with him, now angry swear words directed at me. He even called me a bitch.

I found cover and tried to think what I should do. I knew Guy would rape me over and over again. I had read about men like him. They were sick. If he was hungry for sex, he could have told me to hold up while he went off for a half hour or something. I think they call it solo sex. Or they should. Maybe I just made that up.

My underwear and jeans were wet. I couldn't see in the dark, but it must be blood. I was thinking also, what a jerk, asshole and shithead. I hated his guts. Then I heard a gunshot. Dangerous in more ways than being raped. Now what? Fear had a hold of me more than anything else. I just wanted someone to save me from the maniac rapist. Even if he didn't know where I was, he could shoot me by just shooting randomly. That is what he was doing, it sounded like. I heard the gun shoot three more times, but a far ways off in the wrong direction from where I lay hiding.

~~~***~~~

By the next morning I still didn't know what to do, so I stayed where I was hiding, knowing I'd just lose more energy by running around in the forest any old which way. I had to face the fact, that without Guy, I would surely die. He was the one that had the gun. He made the fires, had the matches, and most importantly, he had most of the food.

I was still in shock over what happened to me, and I found it pretty unbelievable. Of course I had been in the fifth grade when we learned about sex, but only the mechanics of it. No one ever said it would hurt like hell. That I would bleed all over the place and that I would be afraid this much. Not being too dumb, I knew it was because I was raped, and that is why it was all so ugly. Maybe someday, I'd get over it. At least I hoped I would.

~~~***~~~

I hid all night without Guy finding me. Finally, I must have nodded off to sleep. Huddled up in a little ball, under some tight blackberry vines. My head and body hidden under my black colored coat. I thought I blended in well, even if he had passed within a few feet of me, he would have had a hard time seeing me under all the brush, especially in the dark of night.

When morning came, I was still in unbelievable pain in my groin area. I could hardly move my legs, neck, and arms, because of the shooting pains. Finally I managed to lift my upper body a little, trying to get my bearings and think what to do next. Sitting in my little hollowed out hiding place, I heard something out of the ordinary.

There was a lot of commotion kinda close by. Guy, yelling, sounded scared to death. He called for me to come help him. He was screaming loudly and frantically, not too far away from where I was hiding, it sounded like. I quick thought, maybe a lion or something was after him. Not really knowing if there were even any lions around here. Wishing I had read more about the area when I had the chance. I actually knew next to nothing about my new surroundings.

Now Guy seemed freaked out, to the max. I headed over to where his voice was yelling at the top of his lungs. Peaking through the thick brush, I saw him up in a tree, sitting dangerously out on a limb. The limb was listing towards the ground, way too much. I thought the limb was going to break. He just kept yelling for me to come help him.

~~~***~~~

Then I saw a huge brown bear underneath the tree, trying to shake Guy down off the tree. She would stop and look around for a minute, before starting to shake the tree again. I wanted to see what she was looking at or what she was looking for. Then I saw a little baby cub barely able to stand. It was off to the side, waiting for his mother to come to him. By the sight of this, I hoped Guy would fall off the tree, and I would never be attacked by him again. My life kinda depended on him at this point, though, so I wasn't sure of what to do. Soon, I became very sure. I would rather be eaten by a bear than have that monster rape me again. At least if she ate me, it would be for something good in the world. For her to live, and for her baby to live too, but if he raped me, what was that for?

Guy, must have seen me, because his voice became even more frantic, if that was possible. "Jada, Jaaaaaadaaaa, please, please, Jada, get the gun, I dropped it trying to get away from the bear. You know she will attack me, don't you? Now get the gun and shoot her. Just pull that little lever back, aim and then pull the trigger. You can do it, please Jada, please...I won't ever touch you again, I promise...Jadaaaahhh!"

I sure didn't want to kill that bear. And I really didn't care if she ate me either. She must be hungry or she must hate people. Maybe there is a history of men trying to hurt her, too, I thought.

The bear turned her gigantic head and looked at me. She stared straight into my eyes. Seemed like about a minute at least. It was so out of character of what I would ever think of for a wild bear. That look mesmerized me a little. I thought she had beautiful dark brown eyes. Then I told myself: "Wait a minute Jada, that bear will devour you in just a few seconds, why are you staring her in the eyes? We're not supposed to stare into a wild animal's eyes."

Then it was as if I was somebody else, I walked over to where the gun was laying, a little ways away from the tree. Now I was only about ten feet from the bear. Weird, I'm not even scared. What is going on?

I picked up the gun, looking at it, then I heard Guy yell: "Shoot, shoot, hurry up and shoot her. What are you waiting for, you little bitch? Jadahhh, hurry, I can't hang on very much longer, I'm slipping, and if I fall, she will have me. Pull the trigger now. What are you waiting for, hurry Jada!"

I looked up at him, pointed the gun at him. I closed my eyes and then pulled the trigger, then he fell at our feet. The bear's and mine.
Chapter Three

I crumpled to the ground, shaking, clammy, and cold. I'd rather the bear eat me than to be left alone with Guy. At least if the bear ate me, I'd be doing some good, that thought had come again. I must have lain there a good fifteen minutes to an hour, I don't know how long, because I was out of it. I was in the fetal position, so I wasn't aware of anything going on around me. My body was shaking and my insides were quaking, like tied in knots. Then, finally, I did hear a bunch of action of leaves and branches being moved about, or crashed through. I just kept waiting for the big teeth to bite into me. Not even caring what happened to me at all by now.

Looking out at the woods between my folded arms, the space where Guy's body had been was now vacant. A part of my brain thought he might have come back alive again, and walked off. Maybe I missed him when I shot at him, or the shot could have just made him fall. I could have even shot through the limb and broke it, thus causing him to fall. But where could the bear have gone. I sat up, looked around and now I didn't even see the cub.

Baffled, I decided to get Guy's pack, I could see it on the ground not far off. I sat there and ate a can of sardines and drank a bottle of water out of the pack. Telling myself that if I can get some energy up, then I could get up and keep on walking. Since the bear and cub had disappeared too, I begin to think about them.

Then and there, I named the bears. I named her Bear, and I named him Cub. So now in my mind, they had names and not just the and the. You know, like the bear and the cub. Wondering about them, how old they were, how they survived, I wished I had checked out a book on bears from the library when I was back home, at sometime in my life, just like I had been wishing I had studied Alaskan wilderness when I had the chance, safe back in my living room in Nome with Mama or in LA with Daddy.

For some reason, I was not afraid. Not as afraid as I supposed a person should be when confronted with my situation. Not as afraid as when Guy was after me, after the unbelievable repulsive rape. If the psychopathic rapist was gone, I was more safe now, than I had been from the moment the plane crashed. Still wondering why I hadn't died too at that time, like all the other passengers. Every time I thought of the plane crashing, I wondered that. How out of just about two hundred people am I the only one alive, and maybe Guy is still alive too. I wasn't sure about him. He could be dead and probably was by now.

I grew tired, laid down on the ground after putting a big plastic bag over myself, that previously Guy had cut a hole for my head to fit through, to wear and to stay dry. I begin to doze off to sleep. I knew I should hide, but for some reason, I just couldn't move. Probably some psychoanalyzing word for it meaning: "Been through a lot, or maybe shock." Collapse might be another word for me falling asleep just then. And not running for it when I had the chance. I was so tired, my body hurt all over, and just last night I had been raped. It all seemed so unreal.

Must have been sleeping for at least an hour, because now it was starting to turn into dusk. My eyes were still closed when, again, I heard crashing through the underbrush. I thought the gun was right by the back pack, but I couldn't see it at all, so by the time I knew what was happening, it was too late for me to do anything to protect myself. I wanted to protect myself from Guy if this was him coming back. I knew he would have it in for me, and that I'd really be at his very mercy. Now, he would really rape and kill me. It was bad enough before I shot at him, now he would be out for my blood in more ways than one.

Smelling Bear's terrible odor told me it was she, even before I knew that it was her, for sure. She ran over to me, breathing heavily, sniffed around and put my hood and upper part of my jacket by the neck, into her mouth. I grabbed Guy's big pack by both hands, put my arms through the straps, like a front pack, not even knowing why I'd do that, but I did.

~~~***~~~

Bear was dragging me, dragging me. I only weighed 102 pounds before the crash, so now maybe about 90 pounds, so I probably wasn't too heavy for her to transport to wherever she wanted to take me. My eyes were closed tight. I couldn't see anything, and didn't want to see for that matter. I was terribly scared, but not out of my wits. Somehow, I had decided to just let whatever was going to happen, happen. Well, what else could I do? I'd just observe; not fight at all. How could I anyway? A 90 pound girl fighting a 500 or 600 pound bear was a ridiculous idea. Besides, I liked her and her baby. Not to say, I liked this happening, but to say, she was a bear, what did I expect? Not much, and it would be okay to get on with it, just die and get out of here. This situation was becoming more than I could take. I blacked out off and on. Maybe my brain got overloaded and just had to exit for awhile.

~~~***~~~

She pulled me around stumps, over rocks and little hills without even one interrupted step. The big heavy pack over the front of my torso protected me from the dragging. I hung on to it with all my might, thankfully I had my gloves on to protect my hands. Any sharp objects, rocks, twigs, and sticks hit the bag, and not me. Finally, it got quite dark and we stopped. I felt myself being thrown in a heap, on the ground somewhere.

~~~***~~~

I couldn't see a thing. Cub was in there with us, wherever that was, because I could hear him rooting around, even coming over and sniffing me. I'm not sure, but I think Bear told him to leave me alone. Maybe she told him that she was saving me to eat later. I hadn't seen Guy since I pulled the trigger, so I surmised Bear had hauled him away and had a hardy meal for herself.

Either I passed out or went back to sleep. I think all these shocking happenings were too much for my psych to handle, so I kept sneaking away from my mind to sleep or to become unconscious of reality.

When I awoke, it was morning, or so I thought because there was daylight peaking into wherever we were.

We must be in some kind of cave. I could see Bear laying over by the rock wall of the cave and Cub close to her big body. Both of them sound asleep, seemingly peacefully too.

I had a half bottle of water in my pocket, got it out slowly, and quietly drank it. Afraid I'd wake them up, but knowing we couldn't go on like this for long. I just wished she would get it over with. This waiting was making me more than apprehensive all the time. My sense of calm left me. I'd rather know what was going to happen than to just be waiting to see, not knowing anything.

~~~***~~~

For the next long time, it seemed like about a week, all we three did was just lay there. I snuck outside the cave to look around a few times, and to take care of private business. But I went back inside each time, not caring to get away. Bear followed me outside, probably curious or something. She didn't bother me, just watched until I went back underground into the den. It was warm, the bears didn't bother me at all, and I just didn't have it in me to start out all alone in some unknown direction, to some unknown place, to be eaten in the end by some worse unknown animal. After what I had been through, my poor confused mind just needed to curl up and do nothing, I guess.

The cave was dim, smelly, and dirty. Once in a great while, I would look over at Bear and she was staring at me. It kinda scared me, but I had come to accept my fate, no matter when it would come about. I certainly thought she was going to eat me whenever she got hungry enough.

I couldn't tell the date, I was mixed up. I did know that when I left Nome it was right after my birthday and that is February nineteenth. Spring could be coming to this part of the world. When I could finally see outside or go outside, it was either snowing or raining; but it did seem warmer than when the plane crashed.

We three co-existed inside the cave for maybe about a month and I only had a little bit of food to eat each day. It was what we had taken from the people's luggage from the plane. Then it ran out. I could still get water from the snow. I had kept two of the empty water bottles, so whenever I went outside I filled them as well as I could with snow. After coming back into the cave the snow would melt, and I could drink the water. Even though I had water, I begin to lose it, to hallucinate, you know, to see things.

~~~***~~~

I reasoned that Bear seeing us for the first time somehow knew that Guy was her enemy. That he was my enemy, besides her and her baby's enemy too. She might even know on some level that I saved her by shooting Guy, if I really did shoot him. I never shot a gun in my life, all I know is the gun went off riveting a thunderous bang through the silent forest. It must have been some uncanny ethereal happening. I had no other explanation for Bear not eating me, except that there were plenty of people to eat all around the plane, after bounty came to her, crashing out of the sky via the dead.

It made me cringe to think of this, but to make some sense of it all, I had no other explanation. She just wasn't hungry enough to eat me, or she could feel I was Guy's victim and wanted to help me. Also, maybe, she did see I defended her from him, so she could even think she owed me. I know it sounds crazy, but just think about it. Here is this huge, massive animal not attacking this tiny thirteen year old human girl. Even protecting her. It didn't make any sense.

I would look across at her into her soft, lovely brown eyes and see what shouldn't really be there. Caring concern.

Cub was getting more and more curious about me than ever. Bear protected me from Cub's playfulness by batting him away from me when he got too close. He was still tiny, but now he could stay awake longer, even run about. His legs were no longer unsteady, he was now learning to walk much better than when I first met him. Then he was so wobbly he fell over quite often. So cute too. I knew one bite from him into my flesh wouldn't be so cute, since, no matter what romantic, wild story I told myself about them, they were still bears and still wild animals. Probably living by instinct alone.

My mind told me they couldn't think and reason, but then I tried to make just a little bit of sense of all that had happened and I would think that the bears were emotionally connected to me somehow.
Chapter Four

It came true for me as I lay there in a heap one day, knowing the end for me was near, if Bear ate me or not. I was starving to death. Most of the time I was delusional, out of my head. I thought I saw angels, then I saw my parents walking towards me, to save me. It was all kinda nice, to be honest, even though I knew I was near death, because I could still see Bear and Cub there with me in the cave, and not Mama and Daddy, at all.

I had just been remembering being with my mother in Nome. While I was visiting her I had my very first period of my life. It was fitting, as she was my mother, that she had been there for me, for this so memorable an experience, and that was as it should have been.

These thoughts led me to realizing I'd been out in the forest for way more than a month, and I hadn't had anymore bleeding. Except for Guy tearing me up down there, no bleeding of any kind, not after I was healed from the rape. If my period were to come, I was afraid of what I should do. Maybe Bear's animal instinct would set in and at that time she would tear into me. Smelling fresh blood. I certainly wouldn't and couldn't blame her. Never was I angry with the bears. I was afraid a lot, until I decided to just have acceptance of my fate. After that, I kinda lived in a peaceful state, if you can imagine that. Me living in a den with two wild Alaskan bears and being peaceful or semi-peaceful, was even hard for me to believe. It could have had a lot to do with starvation and being near death.

Back to the dilemma of my period, I had read or heard that anorexic girls didn't have a period, so me not having anything to eat, maybe that is what happened. I certainly was skinny. Could be I was exactly like being an anorexic. My body had shut down, and it didn't want to be wasting blood, not just for a period.

The weirdest thing was, I wasn't even hungry. Maybe a little bit, after about the first week of absolutely no food at all. I didn't think much of food, when I did think of it, my stomach turned, and I thought I was going to vomit. I had nothing at all to vomit though, except a tiny bit of snow water to keep my mouth moist.

With all this type of thinking, I naturally thought myself to be hallucinating.

~~~***~~~

Except for the fact I know I was near death when again I felt the huge paw drag me by the collar and by my hood, roughly jerking me over to herself. Slamming me to her. Bear then laid on her back, shoving my face into her front fur. Immediately, my mind said: "What the heck? Oh my God, it is now. I will be gone, dead, in just a minute."

Acceptance flew away, now I wanted to live. All my highfalutin ideas about not caring if I died, left me in an instant. No matter how bad this life was, I didn't want to die, not yet. I hadn't resolved myself to death as well as I bragged in my head about it. Some romantic idea that it was better than this life I led. My life; laying in a cave day in and day out, was life. No matter how bad life could be, at least when we are alive, we have a chance to live.

So, as she was smashing my face into her fur, I was pushing against her, trying to get away. My pushing hands must have felt like two little gnats against her mightiness. Then I opened my eyes, to see Cub next to me gobbling and sucking with all he was worth; breast feeding, from his mother.

What on earth? She smashed my face into her breast, it was full, then some milk substance trickled from the dark nipple. Now, Bear wiggled me around till my mouth was actually on the breast, the nipple was in my mouth, since I was starving, I told myself, "It IS food, just try, and go for it."

Her breast must have been engorged because with just that little movement on my part the heavy milk shot straight out.

"Oh, God, help me." The only prayer I knew, from my mom saying it over and over all my life was The Serenity Prayer, so I said it in my mind to help me cope. I was scared to death, seeing myself doing what I was doing, and where I was doing it and with a giant bear!

And I did. Cope that is, I sucked for all I was worth. Feeling the warm liquid shoot down my throat, and into my belly was a comforting, feeling, after I stopped being so terrified. All the while my brain was freaking out, not believing what was happening. I kinda disassociated from my body, while still sucking, I was looking down at the situation from someplace else. Up above, I think. It was so alien and other worldly. I truly couldn't believe it with my frontal brain. Which is called my thinking brain or lucid brain, I had read that somewhere.

After about seven minutes, I knew my tiny stomach was really full. I stopped drinking from Bear and she gently took her huge paw and with one gigantic claw, hooked onto my coat, shoved me off her, and kind of threw me away to the other side of our cave home. She somehow knew I had had enough.

I slept better than I ever slept since the crash. I felt warm and satisfied. Even safe. I bet I slept for hours and hours without waking.

For the first time, I had received real nourishment. All the food gleaned from the passenger's luggage was mostly chocolate, cookies and the sort of food people would travel with or take back home as gifts for their loved ones. There was about ten cans of some special fish though, with a pull top, that I made last for days on end. I reasoned that the fish was the most healthy thing of all. There had been a lot of specialty food, which was probably not nutritious at all, just tasty.

What was happening? No one would ever believe this. If I even ever did live to tell it, I bet I wouldn't breath a word of this nursing from a giant grizzly bear business to anyone. Too weird.

The nursing thing went on and on, whenever Bear decided she was too engorged, is all I could reason out. Maybe she was supposed to have twins and because of that she made too much milk for just one cub, so she decided to share it with me. Or maybe she did have twins and one cub died. All I know is Bear fed me as if I were one of her own babies...a cub.

~~~***~~~

Time passed, but I don't know how much time, and we begin to wander outside the den once in a while. I was no longer even a little fearful of Bear and Cub. An interesting thing is whenever Cub ran over to me, and Bear thought Cub was threatening me, she would cuff him on the head, growl at him and he'd hurry away from me as fast as his little legs could carry him. I, and nobody else in the world would'a believed it. A full grown mother bear protecting a little human girl. If I got out of her sight when we were outside, she found me and stayed close, or drug me back to her and Cub.

Out of the den, on a beautiful spring day, a huge grizzly male came into view. Bear herded Cub and me away, but the male saw us, he started to run toward us, and he was gaining on us. She grabbed me again in her mouth by my now old, worn, torn coat, and we went sailing over land faster than I could have ever run. She put herself and her baby in harms way to save me. We made it to the den. The male bear must have given up, or we lost him because I didn't see him again.

Only one time Bear seemingly got angry with me. She turned on me, when Cub had chased me around and around, playing, I think. Then Cub had me cornered, and I thought he was going to attack, I picked up a stick and raised it up to hit him with it. Bear dashed over to us, stood up, and a mighty, deep growl roared out of her. She snarled at me and I threw the stick on the ground. Bear wandered away. Now, thinking back on the incident, she was just keeping one cub safe from the other cub. I had seen her do it a hundred times to Cub, but she usually cuffed him and sometimes he went flying. With me, she must have known not to cuff me, or to be rough with me in any way. She must have known to do so would injure me beyond repair. I kept reasoning that she must have had twins, one died, and in her mind, it was like I took it's place.

~~~***~~~

Now that it was springtime we were out of the den more and more, and it was a lot warmer too. I could see the den was sorta underneath a huge cedar tree that must have been growing there for hundreds of years. The trunk looked more than ten feet across. So at the side of the tree was the hole or tunnel where Bear had made her home. It was well covered with brush and forest debris. When we came in and out of the entry, I had to crawl. Even Bear had to crawl. One day I caught out of the corner of my eye, when I was inside, I saw little Cub crawling too, like we did. He didn't realize how short he was and that he could have just walked in. I smiled, and in spite of my dire situation, I laughed. It was the first time I had laughed in so long, that it surprised even me. Bear and Cub looked at me like I must have been crazy. They never heard anybody laugh before, I bet.

Underneath the giant tree, the den, except for being practically dark, was comfortable and warm. Probably warm from all our breathing. The only thing wrong with it that I could hardly stand; was the stench. I did notice Bear didn't go to the bathroom inside the den. She, like me, would go outside. Cub was another story. He didn't have any manners yet, is what I thought.

~~~***~~~

About a month later, yes, I stayed alive a whole nother month, on Bear's milk. Then Bear started to teach me about leaves, and roots. If they ate something, so did I. I knew that if it was okay for them, it was safe for me to eat it too. Roots were a favorite of Bears. I didn't not like them, but I couldn't eat the dirt on them as she did. She probably got minerals from the dirt. But I took my handfuls of roots over to the snow to clean the dirt off as well as I could, then I'd sit back to chew, and chew. Not awful, but not tasty either. I learned to like natural food out in that wilderness of Alaska. No way could I have done it in Los Angeles, or for that matter, Nome. Too many grocery stores full of foods with additives filling the many shelves. The food Bear taught me to eat tasted clean and healthy. It was straight from the ground.

Bear took us to a river, running strong with the spring melt and continual rain and snow. She grabbed a salmon, brought it to shore and shared the fish with Cub and myself. The first time I had raw salmon, I thought it would be gross. It wasn't too bad though, but remember, I was still just about starving and anything raw or not, was welcome. Bear went fishing hundreds of times within the next few months. She had put on a lot of weight, I bet a couple hundred pounds at least. She was constantly eating. I knew she had to do it so she could survive the next winter. I worried that a male grizzly would see us and want to mate with her. I had no idea about the workings of bears bodies. If one did come, I'd climb a tree and hope the male was too big to come up after me. I hoped that the branches wouldn't hold him if he did try to come up to get me. In spite of getting scratched up, I practiced climbing trees. Finally, it became fun. Cub always scampered up behind me, trying to play. I would go out on a slim limb where he couldn't follow. When, he learned not to follow was one time earlier, a branch broke off with him on it. He fell to the ground, screaming. Bear came running like a bull dozer on high speed. She looked him over, I think shushing him. I hadn't fallen, because I hung on with all my might to a branch, and quickly went farther up into the tree.

She raised her huge head up, looked at me a few minutes, before lumbering away to find more berries. I thought when she was staring at me that she was mad, but I had to reason, since her kid wasn't hurt, she let it go, maybe she even knew he is the one that fell all on his own.

We went out every day now. It was light and sunny most days. Plants grew at a wild pace. Each outing I ate more and more new plants. Some were bitter, some sweet and some were just plain ikky. But if Bear ate them and then egged Cub on to try them, I knew they were all right and safe for me to eat.

I never knew Bears went back to their dens all year round. Some probably didn't, but Bear did. She never moved more than a few miles from it. All around the den, and all the way to the river there were lots of berries, plants, and roots to eat. The river, which was a long hike from the den was a favorite spot of the bears. I took two empty plastic bottles with us every time we went out. Then if we ended up at the river, I'd fill them. The first about ten times that we went to the river, I took the bottles to fill, I came back with only a little bit of water, not being able to keep the water inside the bottles. There was one brush tree I thought that if I could get a piece of it to stick in the top of the bottle, it could act like a lid. A stopper. Taking one of the knives with me that Guy had taken from someone's luggage, the next time we went out, I did just that. It worked like a charm. Most of the water stayed in the bottle from then on. I no longer had to worry about how I was going to get a drink of water.
Chapter Five

When the sun finally warmed up enough, I stripped off my clothes, got into the river and tried to wash my dirty filthy self. I couldn't take a long time due to the icey cold water, but I came out cleaner at least a little bit. My clothes were still filthy, but I had to wear them. I couldn't get them wet, not having anything to wear until they dried. Drying clothes could take a couple of days. I left my big heavy coat in the den most of the time, because it was so hot wearing it, now that it was summer time.

While bathing once, I looked down at my body, and was amazed I wasn't half as skinny as I had been. I smiled over at Bear trying to catch fish. Thanks to her I was even alive. She now was everything to me. I learned everything about survival from her, I even caught a couple of fish all by myself! Bare handed. What a gift of empowerment that felt like. For the first time I thought of the possibility of surviving out in the wilderness. That I might be able to survive was a new thought. Always before it was when was I to die? So many things that could kill a scrawny little human being, was super scary.

One day we were out and about when Bear came lumbering towards me at a good trot. She had something in her mouth and I saw a dark streak behind her. Kinda in the air following her. Oh my God, I said out loud, it's bees. She has stolen their nest, hive, honey comb, and whatever you call it that she has in her mouth. She stopped, sat under a tree and seemed oblivious to the bees. They must have stung her, but she probably thought the sweet bounty was worth the pain. Cub went to his mother, licking her mouth and paws for some of the yummy stuff. They ate most of it, but I stayed away. Soon it was dark, and the bees disappeared into the darkness. I kinda felt sorry for them, losing their home and probably their queen. I went over to Bear and Cub. She held out her paw to me and in it was a big piece of honey comb. I took it, saying, "Thank you." Sitting down beside them, I ate it all. I had forgotten how sweet stuff tasted and just about made myself real sick...eating it all. I would have saved some, if it were possible to stop gorging myself, but I didn't know where to put any of the honey that I might have saved anyway.

After we went back to the den, we all three slept for two days straight. Just passing out as if we were whiskey stupefied. Drunk on the sugary honey.

~~~***~~~

What a great summer that was. No one in the outside world would ever have believed me, if I could'a told them the story of it.

I worried a lot about the pain Mommy and Daddy were suffering because of losing me. I knew they would think I was dead. I felt sorry for them, that they most likely had to have a pretend funeral. One where there is no body to prove death, but a funeral nevertheless. Nowadays they call it a memorial, or maybe I have even heard it called a celebration of life. What a way to turn a dire situation around. Whoever thought of that last one was a real Polly Anna. I liked it though!

I learned to live one moment at a time consciously out there in the woods that summer. I could actually see beauty, wonderment, and yes, even love. Learning it past the time of being so afraid for so long, I just gave worry up, deciding that whenever I did die, it would be okay. That I was alive only now and I had to get something out of being alive now...not sometime in the future. I could not live in the past or the future. The past had brought me here and I couldn't change that, it was done with. This place, as far as I knew, was my future, so I better make the most of it. Living like this was better than constant worry. Maybe I, too, was being a Polly Anna. I liked that too!

Cub, and I stopped nursing. Bear's milk dried up. This led me to believe that this would be my last summer on earth. How could I live in a bear's den, again all winter, this time without any food at all? I knew it wasn't going to happen.

I felt healthy and happy, anyway. My muscles came back, I could run very fast and for a long time without getting tired. My flesh was normal again, and my weight was probably normal for a girl of my age and height. I felt more healthy and alive than I'd ever felt before the crash.

It seemed like our days were spent frolicking around, grazing, fishing, and swimming. I could only be in the water a few minutes at a time cause it was freezing cold usually, unless the water was hit by direct sunshine. Bear and Cub would get into the water with me. We had water fights every day. It was awesome. I started it by pushing water into Cub's face, he pushed back, then Bear, the giant that she was, came and played with us. She would get us both wet in our faces. It was hard for us to splash her back because her face...head was so very far above us, when she stood on her hind legs, she was enormously tall.

She would even run towards us, do a huge belly flop right in front of us, making big waves, trying to drench us. When I saw her start running towards us, I ran to the river bank and stood along the side of the river shivering, so she couldn't get me again, but watching Cub and her splash each other simply amazed me. It was kinda other worldly Then I would laugh. Both of them would stop the playtime and stare at me. Not moving, just gazing at me laughing until I was done. Then they would usually move out of the water, we would be on our way and by night we would be back at the den.

~~~***~~~

One day it all went differently. We did our usual eating, playing, and running around, and at dusk, Bear looked at us, stood on her hind legs, looked around, and started us in the opposite direction from the way we traveled all the other days that would have been towards the den.

Before strict darkness settled in, we had traveled a long way. Then she found a kind of sheltered indentation in the ground, with a rock formation overhead. But not a den. She lay down, pulled Cub over to her side and did the same to me, being careful not to pull too hard. She never injured me. We all slept comfortably, shielded from the cold with all of our body heat put together making us warm in the cold night air. At dawn, Bear signaled us to get up by shoving us each, rudely, to the side.

Not knowing what was happening with the change of routine, I kept a look out at our new surroundings and the new food along the way. The different green stuff that we ate amazed me, I had no idea all that grass and weed like stuff was edible. It was, though, because we thrived. Besides eating roots, nuts and berries, you can even eat the leaves of some berries, and the leaves of some brush and some trees. There are trees who's bark is edible, which really surprised me.

We went along like this for days. We must have been two hundred miles from our old den by now. It was a mystery of what could be in Bear's mind. She just kept traveling. Acting like she knew exactly where she was going, so of course Cub and I just followed her.

In a documentary, if I remember right, I think I heard that bears' territories could be hundreds of miles. Bear could have been all over this area before. She led us to another fish filled river. We stayed around there for two days until we three were glutted out on salmon. Bear didn't like that place much because two males came and wanted to attack her or have sex with her, and she ran off. Cub easily followed her. I couldn't though, so I got up a tree as fast as I could.

One male didn't even look up as he ran past me. The other male was gone too. After at least two hours of me being up that tree, Bear came back, with Cub trailing her. I slid down to her, she grabbed me by my clothing and tore out of that area, running for about a mile or two at least. Then she gently laid me down in a crevice-like place, shielded from the elements, and I hoped from other bears too. She lay right beside me, with Cub kinda over me. I warmed up fast, and stayed warm all night.

~~~**~~~

The next day was just like I went to sleep and had a nightmare. It couldn't really have happened is how I look back on it, unless a Higher Power was taking care of Bear, Cub and myself all along. Now, I believe that to be true. Bear was certainly a more powerful power or entity than myself and Cub. Maybe it was because of her astonishing self and brain, I don't know.

We walked for a long, long time again until I saw a clearing. Usually there were lots of trees around, so a clearing was a rare site. A place for deer and elk to graze, but there were no deer or elk in this clearing. There were actually two horses. I stared in amazement through the leaves of the brush that I hid behind. Afraid to come out into the open, until I was sure of what it meant.

Of all things, way beyond a little knoll, I could see a human. I think a man. Now, I was really leery. My thinking brain told me to run towards him, yelling, "Help, help!" But the feeling part of my brain was full of fear. What if he was like Guy? Way out here with no one else around, I would be trapped. Funny to say that the thought of missing Bear and Cub too much had entered my mind, so I didn't want to just start running away from them.

At that moment, I felt so much love for Bear that I didn't want to ever leave her. Knowing I would die, if I stayed, dying from hunger, not by her or Cub's claws. Bear was chewing on some roots nearby. Cub beside her mimicking his mother, as was his rule.

I walked over to Bear, for the very first time, I was the aggressor or the one to go towards her. So, I went over to her, when I came near, she stopped chewing, looked me in the face, and a low rumbling came from her throat. She was trying to talk to me. Kneeling down, I put my arms around her massive self, gave her a hug, then amazed even myself, I kissed her on her face. Her dear dear face I had learned to love. At first terrible fear of her, now deep love with all my heart. Cub wandered over. Kneeling down lower, I hugged him too. He pretended to bite at me, and his mother growled a low growl.

She pulled at my old, worn, tattered hoody, in the direction of the field. When we got near to the field, I could see, it was fenced in. We stopped at the fence. Now we were nearer to the man out working there on his garden or whatever it was he was doing.

He looked towards us, I saw him raise up his hoe, or shovel, maybe it was a stick. My mind raced, what should I do, should I call out, now that I saw my first human in months?

I was up to the fence, standing there. Bear and Cub were behind me, watching what would happen. I reasoned Bear had brought me here out of the love in her heart, to my own kind. She knew all along where we were headed these many days when we were traveling farther and farther away from the den. I turned from looking at Bear and Cub for the last time.

Turning back, I saw the man didn't have a stick or hoe in his hand, he was carefully aiming a long gun. I started shouting, over and over again, "No, no, no, don't shoot." I could see he was aiming at Bear, I begin to run towards her, maybe thinking I could shield her from the bullet, I'm not sure what I was thinking, only that he was NOT going to shoot Bear!

"Run Bear, run. Run!" The last words I said to her, as I saw them turn and they both faded into the forest greenery.

Then I saw the ground coming up to my face as I went slamming into it. And that is all I know.
Chapter Six

It seemed like I was flying through the air. But I knew it was just another out of body experience. The kind I'd been having off and on every since the plane crashed, when my frontal brain couldn't believe what was happening. I'm finally dead. Maybe this is heaven. I felt nothing, just a sense of having no body.

I did open my eyes, and it seemed so real. I saw clouds and sky. Then nothing again. Disappearing back into black nothingness. Everything was so unreal. Where was Bear? Where was Cub? God help them be all right. Oh, I miss them so much. Please don't make me leave them. Surreal, just surreal. Nothing is real. My mind is so jumbled up. Don't know what really happened, and what didn't happen.

Pain, now pain. Every time I came back from the black nothingness, I could feel terrible pain. It was sudden and dull pain, engulfing my entire being. What happened? I wish I knew.

Finally I knew I was really flying when I thought I was in the sky. I had been in a small plane, one that airlifted me to where I ended up...in a hospital.

The first time I really comprehended anything real, I saw my mother and father sitting there. They were next to me. I'm in a bed. My dad was nodding off with his eyes closed in a chair over to the side of the room, next to the wall. My mother was sitting on the side of my bed, looking at me laying there. She let out a small scream, and all at the same time she tried to punch a button that was hooked to the end of the hospital bed.

Mama excitedly said, "Oh, baby, your awake! Thank God. Thank God! Jim, Jim, she's awake!"

And at that point my daddy jumped to her side, taking one of my hands in his, he begin to cry. I felt terrible for him. I only saw him really cry tears at his mother's funeral. Finally, he grabbed a couple of Kleenex from the bedside table, wiped his eyes and face.

Then he said, "We love you Jada, just worried sick. We're so happy you're really alive, honey. No you don't have to talk, now, just know we're here for you."

Then two nurses rushed in and a lady doctor. One of the nurses was a woman and one was a man. They all showed concern on their faces and the doctor spoke.

"Jada, I'm Doctor Hillstrom. You've had a terrible shock. You were shot honey. You may not remember. We removed the bullet. Thank heavens it missed all vital organs, we're trusting you'll be fine." She smiled to reassure me, I thought.

I tried to speak, but only a squeak came out. I was handed water. Choked, drinking it, and I tried to talk again. I couldn't. They handed me a piece of paper and pen. I hadn't spoken any real words for over six months, except for yelling at Bear and Cub to run.

I wrote on the paper my main question: Who shot me? Why?

Doctor Hillstrom promised we would talk all about it later, that I had to rest now, and that one of the nurses was going to give me a shot for pain and that the shot would help me sleep too. And that rest is what I needed now more than anything to heal.

I gave up trying to communicate, and tried to lay on my side, but terrible pain accompanied any movement. I pulled the cover away, looked, and a huge bandage was all around my upper body area. Just that one little movement was excruciatingly painful. The hypo needle to muffle the pain put me to sleep immediately.

~~~***~~~

Not sure when I awoke again, but it must have been a long time later, because my mom and dad looked awful. My upper body hurt every time I took a breath or moved.

I had been dreaming of a beautiful, giant of a brown bear. The dream was so peaceful, no world like out here to worry about, no pain and no people to question me. To look at me with terribly sad big eyes, I felt just terrible.

Back to being awake. Mom said the airlines was waiting to talk to me. Well, she said that after she hugged and kissed me. Reassuring herself I was alive and that I was going to live. Daddy, stood in the corner looking on, as if in a daze. Poor people, probably had very little sleep in weeks, maybe months even. I could doze away after given the pain medication to my never-never land, where there was never any people to hurt us. Just Bear and Cub were there, and me of course. I missed them so much, but I better not tell anybody about them. First off they wouldn't believe me, secondly they would think I'm a freak.

~~~***~~~

Doctor Hillstrom came into my room. After all the niceties, and checking my wound, vitals, and chart, she got right to it. She asked me if a bear had attacked me. That in my sleep I called out for a bear over and over. And for a cub. They all thought it rather odd, if a bear had attacked me, how did I get away. Wanting to know what it meant. Questions, questions, I was already so sick of questions with no idea of all the questions that would soon be coming my way.

Doctor Hillstrom told me the man that shot me had been to the hospital checking on me for the first week of my admittance. He has met your parents, talking with us all many times. He said he thought a bear was after me, and that he meant to shoot the bear, and not me. That's just what I thought had happened, anyway, all along. He said I turned towards the bears right as he pulled the trigger and that I ran into the path of the bullet.

I remained silent. Then the airline people came in. There were ten people. All crowding into my small private room. They wanted to know what happened and how I had stayed alive all this time.

I motioned for my mom and dad to come over close to me. They bent down to hear me. By now my voice was coming back.

I whispered to them," I'm not going to say this whole thing a million times. I want to tell it once and for all. You better get the police here too, and anybody else that has any problem with me being alive."

My father responded interrupting me, "Honey, no one has any problem with you being alive, we're all just so shocked and want to know how you survived the crash and for so long out in the rough, and what happened, because we love you. They care about all the passengers and they need to write reports.

"So many people lost loved ones who need and want some kind of relief. They haven't even found the plane yet. The officials have been flying all over the Baird mountains, Schwatka mountains, and Endicott mountains for weeks on end and nothing. They probably are just not able to see the plane. So many huge mountains, trees and foliage. We think the plane got off it's course. The search has been so intense all over the plane's usual route, and nothing.

"Now that we know where you walked out of the woods, at least we have a good direction to look now. We all are hoping you can help the airline with any information for everyone's sake. Especially for the family members of all the passengers that died."

Mom agreed with everything dad said by nodding with each sentence he spoke.

I gave a little wrinkled smile, nodded my head up and down and whispered, "Okay."

Daddy turned around to face the group. Standing to his full height, he was tall, six feet, and four inches, if I remember right. He cleared his throat as the people quieted down and they were all set on listening. They just wanted some news that they didn't already know. They all had anxious looks on their faces waiting and wondering.

Daddy said, "My daughter will give one and only one full report. Keep in mind she is a young minor and legally she has the right to be silent on all accounts. No one can force her to talk. When she does speak please always remember her age, just thirteen. No uncalled for remarks or the interview will end.

"However whoever has official business to hear her has to be present then. Any official from the police to the FBI, to the medical field. She will not repeat the whole thing ever again, and she will answer your questions honestly as she possibly can. You need to give notice to whoever needs to be present. The meeting will be conducted in the largest conference room in this hospital when Jada is able to speak comfortably without being in so much pain. Her doctor, Doctor Hillstrom, has to give her okay for the meeting. That's all for now."

I was real proud of my daddy. What a long speech for such a quiet man. Usually mom would'a been our mouth piece, but this time I'm glad my dad took over. It was a man's job, bold and strong, I thought.

~~~***~~~

Each day, I healed more and more. The last time, yesterday, they took the bandages off to dress my wound, it wasn't that painful. I was so glad. Maybe I will be out of here, and all the nosey people will go home and so will I. I can't wait.

~~~***~~~

Doctor Hillstrom came into my room all alone today. She sat on one of the two chairs in the room, pulled it over close to the bed and said the most amazing thing in the entire world to me.

"Jada, do you know you're pregnant?"

I just about fell out of the bed with shock. Oh my God, what the F. word? I didn't know what to say at all. I looked at her with big round eyes, unbelieving.

Finally, I said, "Do, do...do you mean I am going to have a baby?"

She nodded her head up and down, saying, "Uh huh. Yes, Jada, you are going to have a baby. As far as I can tell, you are over five months pregnant, but maybe nearer to six."

I just sat there, staring off into space. Thinking I was in shock again, cause I kinda could look down on us in that hospital room, and I could see us, I was looking down from the ceiling. Me sitting there dumb as a bell. I thought, "Oh my God, Guy raping me caused this. Now I have to tell all of the terrible stuff that I never wanted to tell anybody. The exact truth. Oh my God!"

At this point, both my parents came into the room. They had both been crying, I could tell by their tired red, watery eyes and sad faces. I knew they knew.

"How could this have happened Jada, how is it possible?" Mom ranted, crying. Well, it sounded like ranting.

I knew she was hurt, but I was being a snot, and I said, "I suppose it happened in the usual way, Mom."

At least daddy put his arms around me, crying and didn't say any accusing sounding stuff. I knew mom was just shocked and hurt that her baby was going to have a baby and that she was afraid for me. But I wanted to be mad at somebody, and she would never leave me or hate me, no matter what I did or said. So I could be a snit to her, safely. Her mouth dropped open after I said that snotty little line to her. I had hurt her.

I started to cry. I told them to hurry up and have the conference, that I would only say it one time. Doctor Hillstrom, Mama and Daddy and I all were crying openly when a nice young, male nurse came in looking dumbfounded.

He said, "What's wrong, everybody? May I help?"

In unison we all gruffly semi shouted, "No!"

So glad the unsuspecting nurse had interrupted that conversation. I didn't want anyone to know what had happened out there in the woods, it was bad enough that I knew. But being pregnant now, oh my God, I can't stand anything more.

I had to say again, "I'll have only one news conference and I mean it, I'll tell it only one time."

I had to try to postpone the inevitable. Which would be more questions and more. When I did have a baby, then I knew more hell would break loose.

I said, "I want to be alone." Soon everyone left me without another word.

Oh Lord, what will I do now? I'm so scared. I sure don't want to have Guy's baby. Ikkkk. How awful, what more terrible crap could happen to me? Now I have to really think about this. But I have to get that stupid thing over with, and other people, strangers, will be there at that conference. Maybe even news reporters. Oh, God, I hope not. What am I going to do, I don't know. Oh, God, oh, God...help me, please help me!
Chapter Seven

Wait! I will think what Bear would do. Well, I know what she did do. She had her baby and she just lived along, like any good person, or bear. She taught him to survive as best she could and made a life for both of them, and for a long spell, for me too. Our lives together was something I would never ever forget. I missed her so much, and I missed the serenity of the woods.

When I was cold, wet, and hungry, Bear took care of me. I am so grateful for her. I love her for it. Me being scared of her was only natural, but I wasn't as afraid ever as much as I should have been. She felt it I'm sure of it. I miss them both so much. I dare not tell anyone these feelings I have for the bears, they would put me in an asylum then, for sure.

~~~***~~~

It turned out Doctor Hillstrom put off the conference with the authorities for another three weeks. She kept telling them I wasn't well enough yet. I was really glad to have three weeks to get used to the idea of being prego, especially with Guy's child. That part freaked me out more than anything. Feeling like I had gotten rid of him once and for all when I shot the gun, then he fell and Bear must'ave ran off with him, was just a lie. I would have him in me nine whole months, and with me the rest of my life. Maybe forever. It gave me the creeps until I came to grips with the reality that it is not a baby's fault who fathers them. And important too, is the fact it wasn't my fault either. Fault isn't the best word to use, but it is the first one that stuck in my brain when thinking back. I could use destiny or some other better word, but fault it is; due to being forced, raped, and overpowered by Guy. To be impregnated in this manner made me really sick at heart.

Actually it took the entire three weeks to really believe I was truly pregnant. Such a foreign concept for a thirteen year old. My poor parents were just as baffled and amazed as I was. They went to Doctor Hillstrom asking about abortion. The good doctor let them know it was too late. I was too far into the pregnancy. Not only would it be dangerous for my life, it was against the law. She told them that if the baby were to be born within the current month that it would survive. In my mind, to have an abortion would sadden me forever and probably both my parents too. No matter how they acted they were both soft hearted, romanticists, who wouldn't harm anybody, especially a newborn baby. They just asked the question about abortion, thinking maybe it would be better for me in the long run. Wanting me to get on with my life, go back to school, and act as if nothing out of the ordinary had happened to me.

It could never be like that, with a baby or without a baby. The bears were now incorporated into my being. The plane crash, even Guy was too. How could I ever pretend I was never prego. I knew I had been through too much to act like their little girl ever again. In some ways I acted and thought way older than both my parents even, now. How could they ever relate to starvation, freezing just about to death, fear unbridled, and physical pain beyond any description? They couldn't, so I had to be patient with them. Love them, take care for them through all of this, no matter what happened in the end.

~~~***~~~

On the day of the big meeting, mama helped me dress carefully. The first time in real clothes, and they were the first clean clothes, in way over six months, excluding hospital gowns. The bloody, despicable clothes of the deep forest were burned I hoped. Later I learned they were not burned. They had been sent to a lab to try and glean any evidence of the mystery of what could have happened to me. And some of them were back on that farm where I had been shot. Most of the time out in the wilderness I wore all the clothes I had because nights were so cold. The Emergency team had to cut through some of those clothes and get some off me immediately so the paramedics could get to my wound.

This big day of my life, I got to wear a brand new pink dress and a pink sweater that matched. In case I got cold, there was even a little pink shawl. I got to wear shoes and socks. It was nothing like I used to dress for a school day. I lived in jeans and newsy tops. You know with sayings printed on them. Before, in my old life, I used to have short spiked hair because I wanted to be like all the other kids at school. Well not all the other kids, but some. The ones I thought were cool. My hair had been shaved off before my surgery. It was so dirty, it had to be shaved because a comb could never have even gotten through all the filth. The conference called for a little pink hat too, since I had no hair to speak of. Now, though, I didn't care about how I looked. That's not what has ended up important to me. Boy, have I ever changed, thinking how it used to take me about an hour to get myself ready just to leave my house.

When we arrived at the auditorium, I was shocked to see only about twenty people sitting in the audience waiting for me. They were airline representatives and insurance people. Because of me being under age, I thought, the meeting wouldn't be too bad. Until it started, and it sounded like the airline people weren't believing my story. They wanted to know so much more than I could offer. It made me sorry I had given my parents the go ahead for this gathering. I thought if I could just get it over with, then, everybody would forget all about me and go away. Wow, now I was really scared. I knew in my heart I could get through it, no matter how much stage fright I might develop. If I could get through what I had to talk about, I felt that anything left in my life would be a piece of cake.

There were chairs on the stage for Doctor Hillstrom, Mama, Dad, and me. The long table had microphones in front of each chair. A lady would walk around with a mike and people could ask questions from their seats, without having to come up front to a mike.

The first long line of questions were asking all about the plane, how it had acted, what I remembered, the actions and words, if any, of the pilots and flight stewards. What had I heard before the crash, during and after the crash too. Even what I smelled. But mostly what I saw.

It was so very hard, talking about the horrible events of that day, but thinking I was doing it for the people that died helped me to get through that part. They wanted to know what remained of the plane. If it had caught fire and how much of it was left when I last saw it. Lots and lots of questions.

It took over two hours, just talking about the plane and passengers.

Doctor Hillstrom reached over to me past Mama and asked if I was too tired to go on? Saying I was, she immediately got a mike and announced the conference would be continued tomorrow. I think all the people were real tired by then, and that they were glad to get away, too. Emotionally, I knew I was beat, and I bet they were too.

~~~***~~~

However, it was another week before Doctor Hillstrom allowed another meeting to be called. She told me some news journalist would be present this time. That sure did scare me, because if they found out I was prego, then a whole bunch of new questions would come to light, questions I didn't want to answer.

Mom got me some new kind of maternity clothes to wear at the news conference. A larger blouse and another slightly big jacket to go over the top. I had on tights for my legs and cute red hi tops. After sitting at the conference table I remembered all that the audience was going to see was my legs and feet anyway, so I didn't worry much about being pregnant anymore, not on that day.

I told my people, Mama, Daddy, and Doctor Hillstrom, I didn't want anybody to know I was pregnant. For them not to mention it no matter what happened. They all agreed, but then Doctor Hillstrom mentioned that we couldn't keep it a secret forever, and that she wished I could at least trust her and my own parents with the truth. She said it would help me come to grips with what ever had happened by talking about it.

Both my parents murmured that, "Yes, it would help a great deal."

I didn't know how to tell anyone, I didn't even know the words I needed to use.

~~~***~~~

Again, the audience was full of strangers that were more than anxious to find out how I had stayed alive so long in the wild forest and mountainous regions of Alaska.

New to this experience were a lot more microphones, TV apparatuses and wires.

One person let it slip, "We are going live."

Oh my God! I sure didn't want to be on live TV. I thought, before I heard that statement, that if the interview was aired, then we could see it first and have edited out whatever parts that I, or we, didn't want to be aired. Boy, was I wrong! Live TV, meant just that. Live!

It all got started, then the airlines made a little talk of what had been said last time and that they still hadn't found the airplane. Even though the search continued during clear weather up to that present time. The spokesperson said the plane must have went way off course, by the pilot trying to find a semi safe place to crash land. Since I had told them it only took about twenty minutes from take off to crashing, they already studied all the radiuses of twenty minutes from the airport. Well, unfortunately, I was probably wrong about the time and minutes of the crash. I don't know! I just kept saying, "I think that's how much time had passed, but I'm not sure at all."

~~~***~~~

Then a news lady got a hold of the mike. She introduced herself as Barbara Woodard.

She asked the terrible question: "How on earth did you manage to stay alive all this time under the circumstances that were definitely life threatening?"

I answered. "There was a man there that wasn't injured in the crash either."

"You mean another person lived through the crash?"

"Yes."

"Do you know his name or any way we can identify him?"

"He only told me his name was Guy. No last name, plus he hardly said anything to me. Neither did I. We just walked and walked. We never talked very much at all."

"What happened to him?"

"He died."

"How?" With a slight questioning frown on her face.

"A bear got him."

She was going to go on and on, because she was trying to get everything, so I made a noise like a painful grimace and my doctor leaned over to see if I was all right.

I just said, "I want to go."

My dad then said into his mike, "Is there any other reporter, who wants to ask one question before we end this?"

A man stood and asked, "Did you see the bear take Guy?"

I nodded, yes.

Then he said, "Please, answer audibly so your answer can be recorded."

Loudly I said, "Yes!"

Standing up, I hid behind Mom and Dad, then we got out of there as fast as we could. Mom shielded me with her big coat and also with herself. I prayed and hoped no one noticed my bump.
Chapter Eight

By now my parents and myself were installed in a pretty nice, bed and breakfast place. A big, rambling, quaint, white with red shutters and three chimneys, place. I got to have my own bedroom. When we got there, I headed for my room.

Doctor Hillstrom was with us and she said, "Oh, no you don't. Please, stay Jada, we need to talk. Sit down."

We all did.

The doctor started by saying, "You never told us about Guy. Is he the father of your child?"

Looking down at the floor helped me to not have to look at their faces. The rug had some pretty designs on it. Kind of like fleur-de-lis, purple, mauve and orchid colors ran through it. Mama used to have some drapes with that design, and she was the one who told me the name of the design a long time ago.

I then said, "Yes."

Dad said, "Yes, what? How could you, a mere girl be pregnant. Please tell us, we have to know. Then we can find out about him, his background and his genetics for the baby's sake. If any major disease is inherited we can help the baby better, if we learn of it as soon as possible."

I started from the first, but I didn't really explain everything. Just the facts as I saw them. Well, most of them. I was truly afraid for anybody to think I had shot Guy, or what could have been truer, that I shot at him, then he fell. Because the more I thought of those moments, I think I remembered not even aiming the gun. I didn't know how to aim a gun. That was the first gun I had ever touched.

~~~***~~~

All I told them was, "After about two weeks, out of the blue, when I was asleep, Guy raped me, and then I ran away. The next day I peeked through the brush to see him up in a tree and a big bear was underneath the tree. The bear was shaking the tree trying to get him down. Then he fell and the bear took off with Guy dragging him into the woods.

"I knew he must be dead, so I just stayed there. Thinking the bear would come back and eat me too. So I gave up and didn't care since I had just been raped. I was so hurt and so scared.

"The giant bear did come back. She got me by the neck of my coat and hood, then dragged me into her bear den. She had a baby cub too.

"She never did hurt me. Over the next weeks I ate all the rest of the junk food that Guy had in his backpack.

"One day the huge dark brown bear grabbed me to her, right when I was just about dead from starvation, she shoved my face to her teat, and wanted me to nurse milk from her. I did. Her cub was nursing from her at the very same time. She gave her milk to me every day until Spring time came. I don't know really how long exactly, because it was all so unreal and shocking to me.

"I reasoned she must have had twins and one had died maybe. That she might have known Guy hurt me, and she wanted to save me. She could have even heard me crying or screaming while the rape was happening, and she could have had some kind of empathy for me. I don't know.

"All summer we three, the two bears and me, lived together. She fished salmon, offered it to me, and I ate it raw, and other greenery too Berries, roots, and other edible stuff I never even heard of and I had never ever saw before.

"Then she led me out of the woods to the farmer's house. All along she knew what to do. And she even knew where to go, to take me to civilization. It's only because of this giant, mother bear that I'm still alive."

Then I was silent, and I looked at their faces.

~~~***~~~

Mom was the first one to speak. She said, "I thank God for that other mother, the bear."

Dad said, "Me too, but I can hardly believe it."

My doctor, echoed, "I can't hardly believe it either. Nothing like your experience has ever happened before, not that anyone has ever came back to tell. But it does make sense. I can see that it is the only thing that could have happened. No one will believe it, I admit, I agree with you both."

I said, "Well, then don't tell them. I don't want anyone to know."

"You are famous, Jada. Some story has to come out when your baby is born. Do any of you have any ideas?" That was from the doctor.

"I'm so tired," I said, "can't I go lay down, now? Just talking about this, for the first time in my life, has made me feel sick. I want to postpone any talking about it until another day."

Everyone agreed, and they let me go so I could...go sulk, hide, bury myself under the covers, anything, just to get away from those dumbfounded looks, and their unbelieving faces. I think they were in some kind of shock, big time.

~~~***~~~

Lying on the bed, I felt spent. What should I do? I wished I was back in the forest. I never wanted to talk of this insane stuff again. The way they looked at me, like I was some kind of an idiot or alien. Wow, what will other people say that don't even know me or love me? I will be shunned as a weirdo, and so might my baby.

My parents want me to adopt my baby out, but I know that is not what Bear would tell me to do. She would face the whole world for her baby, no matter what.

As if on queue, Doctor Hillstrom, knocked on the door of my bedroom.

I said, "Come in."

She did. Walking over to a paisley printed overstuffed little chair beside the bed, then sitting in it, she said, "Jada, honey, you know we have to talk about what you want to do once your baby comes. Have you made any decisions yet?"

Answering, "Yes, I want to keep my baby, of course."

"That will probably be the hardest thing you ever do, honey, and maybe not the best thing."

"Not if I regret giving it up, every day for the rest of my life, it won't. And by the way, I have already done the hardest thing I ever had to do, I lived, remember?"

"Well, give adoption some deep thought. I think we should talk about what's best for the baby at this point, do you understand? There is what they call 'open adoption' and maybe you'll be able to see your baby off and on over the years."

I answered, "That's a great big maybe."

That talk made me mad. Didn't she think the baby being with her or his own mom was the very best thing? I hated this world how money is always thought of beyond any spiritual thing. Because she told me, I might not be able to go to college, and earn enough money to keep the baby, and what of a dad for it?

That an adoptive family would at least have a home, a mom, plus a dad. And money to meet the baby's needs. Like food, rent, college and stuff.

So, I did give it serious thought as the adults in my life suggested. The end result was, no matter what, I wanted to keep my baby. I would not adopt her or him out. I knew personally two adopted children at my old school and both of them were highly screwed up, because they said, they didn't know where they came from and why their mother didn't want them. Most importantly, neither one of them looked like the family that had adopted them. You know, ethnically. The girl adoptee at my school, at only twelve years old was already a cutter. I felt really sorry for her.

I know that no one gets a great life, look at me. My parents divorced, living states away from each other, I get in a plane crash and now this. Not that great, I say. But maybe in the end it will be the very best thing, because I might get a lot out of having my baby so young. Or the other huge question is what will I learn from this entire experience? I think we are all here to learn stuff. If we don't learn, then what's the use of our coming here?

~~~***~~~

Finally, I got well enough to go home with my mom to our house in Nome. My dad had a hectic career, so he couldn't really take care of me. Mama didn't work at that time, so I went to live with her until my due date. Then I would go back to Doctor Hillstrom's hospital to have my baby.

Before leaving her, Doctor Hillstrom did an ultra sound, and we found out my baby's a boy. Now I knew to say, "he". I don't know why, but it pleased me that he was a boy. I'd like to find out about them completely. Boys, that is. As it stands all I have to go by is my dad and he hasn't been the most "hands on" dad in the world. We lived apart way more than we had ever lived together.

As it turned out, I didn't stay with my mom or dad for the duration, in fact, I didn't stay with either one of them hardly at all.

~~~***~~~

Walking along the sidewalk in Nome, I saw a smutty magazine with a big picture of myself on the cover, with even bigger lettering, it was yelling my worst nightmare: GIRL KEPT BY BEARS TO HAVE BABY.

I ran home, crying. Now the whole world would know. I was so shocked to see those headlines. Only Doctor Hillstrom, mom and dad knew about me being pregnant...I thought. I told mama about the magazine, and she hurried back to the supermarket and bought a dratted copy of that damn magazine. She then called Doctor Hillstrom. It turned out the doctor has to document any patient's history and one of the workers there at the hospital must have leaked the story, after snooping through Doctor Hillstrom's office or computer notes. Maybe it could have been even the ultra sound lady, who I thought was sooo nice. I knew there was nothing we could do about it now, though. Because Daddy called our lawyers to see if we could do anything about the news leak, and he said too hard to prove who did what. I was so mad, sick, and upset.

I just wanted to hide, to disappear, to never have to see anyone again in the outside world, ever, not ever. Plus, I so wanted to see Bear and Cub again. And that's how I hit on an idea. I investigated any news story I could find on the internet to find out the name of the guy that shot me, and any information on him including where he lived, what he did and his age. He was off the grid. I did find out his name though from Mama. She met him at the hospital lots of times she said. He was so worried about me that he just hung around till he found out I'd be okay. That was early on, not after I was really conscious, or I would'a met him too.

His name was Ben Knapp. I wanted to meet him. We didn't know how to get in touch with him, but the very next day, Barbara Woodard, came to our door. She is the reporter we met earlier at the dratted conference.

We asked her into the house, then we asked her to not write anything about us, promising we would get back to her with an exclusive story later on. I was going to get her to find Ben Knapp for us if we promised her the exclusive. But it was too late, by that time I had already agreed to the exclusive. So not mentioning Ben Knapp's name at all, I dropped the idea, even though I couldn't take back the promise of an exclusive story for her. I didn't trust Ms. Woodard to keep a secret of my whereabouts, so I went mum on the idea. Needing to stop prying eyes from my life. I could just picture her outside Ben Knapp's house some day. Uninvited.

Daddy located Ben Knapp's phone number after I told him, I wanted to go see Ben Knapp. He didn't like the idea, but no one could talk me out of it. I had to get away from the city and away from people in general. And I had always wanted to meet the guy who shot me, anyway. Not that I was mad at him, I just wanted to be back in the forest area where Bear had brought me. I had no thought that I would ever get to see her and Cub again, it just felt right. I knew I would be able to think better out there in the wilderness, and I'd be able to figure out what to do, for our near future. The baby's and mine.

By now our phone was ringing off the hook and news people were in the yard day and night. I fast called Ben Knapp and asked him if my mom and I could go to his house and meet him.

He responded very respectfully, saying about ten times how sorry he was that he shot me. Assuring me that it was an accident. Inviting us to come anytime and the sooner the better. And best of all, that we could stay there with him for as long as we wanted to stay.

I told him, "I knew it was an accident...perfectly well. I wasn't upset, or angry in the very least."

~~~***~~~

We had to fly over there in a little airplane, after the big jet from Nome, then land in a village that was still pretty far from Ben Knapp's place. Then we took a helicopter to another smaller village, about two miles from his farm. All in all it took all day. What with us waiting for pilots, and we had to go by their schedules.

Nome airport was a zoo, cause some of the reporters followed us to the airport from our house, snapping a hundred pictures it felt like. I sure hoped none of the reporters would follow us onto either the plane or helicopter we needed to use after the Nome plane.

It must have cost my parents a bundle, because we flew anonymously. No names and no questions. There was a contract that Mama had to sign to get the privacy of anonymity. I sure hoped these people and that contract could be trusted, unlike the hospital. Neither of the pilots or small airports batted an eye over the anonymous stuff. Maybe Alaskans are used to people wanting to get lost anonymously. The first pilot would not know where we were going, because he let us off to catch the helicopter. The only one who could trace us would have been the helicopter pilot, but he would have no reason to do so. I hid my face from him all during the twenty minute flight into deep wilderness. My mother wasn't talking either. We had learned to not trust anyone since we saw those dreaded headlines in the National Weekly Enquiry smut magazine. People just ate that stuff up, I realized. Anything weird or bad is the type of magazine that sells. If they could get pictures of the unfortunate people that they write about, then they could sell even more smut and bad news. From then on I felt so sorry for anybody featured in that sort of magazine. I knew how they felt, being exposed like that felt like I was walking around naked all the time.
Chapter Nine

The helicopter pilot let us off at a tiny village with only about eight buildings, not counting houses and little huts on the outskirts of the village. It was there I got to see Ben Knapp for the first time. He was an older man, maybe about seventy or more, steel gray hair, lots and lots of it, and a rusty old smile on his face. Craggy lines covered his cheeks and forehead, but that smile outshone any other aspect of his looks. A tall man, about six foot, two, and very slim. He held himself so upright, I would have taken him for being much younger, about thirty, if I had not seen his face first.

Me, a skinny girl kid of thirteen, going on fourteen, with a pooch starting to bulge out over the top of my jeans. I had a little hair now. It was beginning to grow. When I got to the hospital after being shot, and still very unconscious, that they had to shave my head didn't really surprise me. Still a little self conscious of it, but not as much as at that meeting with all the officials when I was on TV. No one even had the balls to try and wash my hair when I got back to civilization at the hospital. It was like the worst matted dog hair you could ever imagine, I was told. Also, I felt of my hair often in Bear's den. Yes, it was a big mess.

When the bears and me would get in the river, the river only made my hair worse, not any cleaner at all. Maybe sticky dead salmon floating in the river had a lot to do with the mess of my hair. I tried to rigamarole my hair around when the bears and I were in the river with my hands, but nothing helped to get it clean. So they had to shave it all off down to the scalp.

Doctor Hillstrom did say she had to have a look at my skull anyway, to see if my skull had been injured in the crash. And she told me with that mess of hair on my head there was no way she could check it out. The staff and my doctor thought I would be mad, but I wasn't. I felt a new start on something was a good thing, even if it was just hair.

So, Ben Knapp saw me looking kinda normal, because I was clean and wore a knitted stocking hat on my head. He couldn't see I was mostly bald, not then.

Mama, her real name is Marion, looked like her normal self. She is kinda pretty, I think. The only weird thing about her is she has to always draw on her eyebrows in soft, artistic brown, quick, little strokes, and in all cases, she has to wear bright red lipstick, with a little color of mauve in the middle of her lips. She is not fat either, even though she too, is old. She's thirty four. She had me when she was twenty one. In those days, women had babies young, but never hardly as young as I am right now. Well, maybe a hundred years ago or in the dark ages, but not lately, because women and girls are now getting a voice and birth control pills. We are now able to count as humans. Except if we're raped in the woods.

Ben took us to his home on his snowmobile. The snowmobile was super large. We all fit nicely, even sitting down. He lived a couple miles from that little village, and if he needed any store bought stuff, he had to go there to buy it. That is where food stuffs and items like toothpaste, cloth or clothes were dropped off if you ordered anything from a store or from the internet. He told us it was just barely close enough to civilization to not miss it and far enough away from civilization to not want to get any closer. We laughed over that one.

Finally, we reached the same old, sprawling weather beaten two story house I'd seen from the edge of the woods many weeks before with Bear and Cub both at my side.

I liked Ben immediately. He said to call him "Ben" after the first time I addressed him as Mr. Knapp. Then I did. So did Mama. At that time, I wasn't aware he had come to the hospital and had already met Mama and Daddy. Mama had told me Ben was so worried about me. Later on, so had Doctor Hillstrom. They all three liked him.

By the time we arrived to his home, we were cold enough. Snow was on the ground everywhere, and it started snowing when we were on the way. Ben hurried us inside, assuring us he would get our luggage after he was through showing us around the house. The snowmobile was parked under cover, anyway, so our stuff wouldn't get snowed on or wet. There was a huge car port thingy built onto the back side of his house where he parked his snow mobile.

We went in through the back door and entered into a bright and clean kitchen. Not looking too much like a bachelor's place at all. The same throughout the house. It being a two story house with the bedrooms on the second floor. There was a little bathroom downstairs off the kitchen and a big, full bathroom upstairs located within ease of all three bedrooms.

I thought a regular, well built place like this was really odd way out here in the sticks. How did it come about? Who built it and why? I had a lot of questions to ask this Ben some day.

Here, now, Ben came in with our things from the snowmobile. We helped him get all our stuff up stairs. He said we could choose which rooms we wanted. I thought that was real nice of him. I chose the one where I could look out onto the forest, the place I had last seen Bear and Cub. Mom took the other one on the other side of the hall. She faced the front or road side and I faced the woods or back side of the property.

We went downstairs just when Ben was setting food on the table, he explained we were going to eat soon. By now we were sure hungry, the table was set in a homey way with colorful, good food aplenty.

~~~***~~~

That night we talked till way past midnight. I really liked Ben, and he made me feel safe too. That surprised me, because I had been jumpy around men every since Guy attacked me. Just any man, for no reason at all, really. I was glad Ben didn't affect me in the same way. Dear Doctor Hillstrom said jumpyness was to be expected because now I had P.T.S.D. Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, to be exact. I didn't ever care what it was called, and I didn't like it at all. Whatever people named it, making me feel nervous all the time. Jumpy and shaky inside and outside. Scared too. Scared of my own shadow like. I called those disorders they diagnosed me with the ABC diseases. Because all of them were ABC's and not whole real names. Everybody, but me, knew what those letters stood for, it seems like.

~~~***~~~

We had been staying with Ben for awhile, and then out of the blue, Mama said she should go home. Something about working or that she meant to apply for a job. I noticed her on the internet everyday looking stuff up. Looking at the online newspaper and especially the classifieds on her computer.

I said, "Not me. I want to stay here for awhile. Is that okay with you Ben?"

He nodded his head up and down, saying yes. I was glad. There was no way I was prepared for that circus back there at my mom's house. At my dad's house in Los Angeles, it would certainly be even worse.

Mama wouldn't leave me alone there with Ben, even though Daddy had an intensive background report done on Ben Knapp early on when he first showed up at the hospital, I must have been still unconscious, because when he came to the heliport in the village to pick up Mom and me was the first time I remember meeting him. The background check came up with zero negatives. Anyway, Mama would stay on a little longer, saying that the job could wait. And that there were other jobs she could try for later on.

~~~***~~~

We had all settled in together, like peas in a pod. We each had cell phones and the internet too, so I knew mom wouldn't miss me too much when she would finally decide to leave. Just so she could see me, by skyping, and staying in touch over the net and phone was both Daddy and Mama's only criteria for me to follow. I talked with and saw Daddy about every other day, as it was. Even though it was just over the internet connection. Both my parents talked against leaving me there with Ben alone. They weren't happy with the idea, but I was so insistent that I hated society right now, I knew they would give in sometime, sooner or later.

"I'm so glad in this day and age, Jada, we have these tools to electronically 'see' each other, otherwise I couldn't let you stay here alone, not until you turned eighteen that is." This was from my mama, of course. It only showed she loved me.

I had to agree, since it was 2010, it wasn't like back in the 70's when she was younger. I reminded her that when girls were eighteen back when she was a young girl, they often left their parents home to go off with their husbands. Never to live with their parents again. She nodded her head up and down, agreeing.

She responded, "But you're not eighteen, you are only thirteen. Your dad's attorney is drawing up papers for your emancipation, but that will not be really legal until you are sixteen. We just don't know what to do with you. You have been through so much, it seems funny that we are still trying to tell you what to do, but we're worried anyway, we hope you understand." I did.

Ben knew I was prego, and he said, "I'm a little worried about what could happen when it comes closer to your due date, if we're alone out here, without your mama. We are so far off the grid, that it wouldn't be easy to get you to any hospital unless we knew the birth was not to be imminent...with a few days to spare would be best," he added.

I didn't know what to say, except that we still had a while to worry about that. He hoped we'd stay with him indefinitely, stating these had been the best days he's had for many years.

He so enjoyed his peace and quiet, there were long hours during any given day that we didn't know where each other was, and we weren't worried about it either. I loved solitude too since I had spent time with Bear and Cub. Unlike other kids my age that had music blaring in both ears, or a cell phone pasted to their eyes and brains, or in front of a TV, I had so grown to love the quiet that I totally understood Ben's need of it, too.

So for many months I had not heard any noises, except natural ones. Like rainfall, rivers rushing, even snow can make a hushed whispering when it lands. Out away from the cities, you can "hear" the earth breath. Most people wouldn't know that though, because there is so much noise in the towns and cities. I felt privileged I had gotten acquainted with stillness, nature, and peace.

When I went back to civilization, the noise was what startled me the most. Compared to living in the woods, it was sorta like a rocket going off every single minute. I reasoned, no wonder lots of deaf folks choose to remain in their silent world, it is so peaceful compared to the hearing world. And no wonder so many hearing people are under enormous stress all the time. So many mental disorders and addictions. Yeah, the noise really gets to be unbearable, especially if you have never known silence. And peace.
Chapter Ten

I would go out to the back fence at least once a day. Hoping Bear and Cub would come back. I even asked Ben if he still had any of the old rags the EMT's had cut off me, the day I got shot.

He said, "Only a couple of things."

That they were in the car port, garage thingy, by the back wall waiting for the day he would make a bonfire outside, and burn them. Being in the center of the massive forestry, he explained, he had to be extra careful with fire, way out in the midst of the forest.

I got the pile. There was about half of my old wool coat, some gloves and a piece of scarf. Even a boot was there. I put it in an extra strong bag and was taking it to the back fence when Ben spotted me.

He jogged over, across the two huge fields, asking me. "What's up?"

I told him what I wanted to do. Way before now, though, I had shared a lot of my Bear story with him, and I knew he understood how much I missed the bears. So, what I wanted to do was to leave the clothes out there so Bear would or could smell my scent and then know that I was back.

Ben answered: "What a good idea, but it will never work. Other animals will smell them too and come running. Neither one of us will be safe then. I will get on the internet tonight and google what to do in this case. This case being to lure a bear to our place. I will say, only for photographic purposes. I will never say what you and I know though."

I thanked him and took the bag of debris back to the garage.

~~~***~~~

Hammer pounding woke me up the very next morning.

Mama yelled, "What's that hammering, Jada? Do you know?"

"No, not really, but I'll go see what's going on."

Ben was out in the woods building something. I hurried up, got dressed, took a "to go" cup full of hot black coffee with me, and off I went to see what he was pounding. Being careful to not spill any coffee, I walked out to the back fence. All around the property where the house sat right smack dab in the center was what Ben called a bear fence. It was built with extra strong commercial type fencing.

I went up to it and asked, "Ben, do you want to share this coffee with me? What cha building there?"

He told me what he had seen on the net after he googled our question, and that the clothes had to be undercover of a little roof to keep them dry. Actually, it was like a little, tiny building. The sorta playhouse was about one foot by two feet. Kinda looked like a bird feeder. There was plenty of circulation in it so Bear could smell what was inside. He learned bears have a far greater smelling ability than even dogs have.

After building his little playhouse, he put it in the center of an old, ancient, rotted out cedar tree. One that wasn't falling apart at all yet, but had good strong sides to it. Then Ben built a kind of roof over the top where it was rotted out enough. He set the little house inside the old tree first.

"The right bear..." he said. "I mean, your bear. She'll know what this is, but the other bears will not care and go away as soon as they discover it is nothing much."

After it was all built and fixed in place, we went back to the house, hoping to see "my" bears come back. I knew it might be someday, but not soon. Maybe in the summer or fall, like when Bear brought me to Ben's clearing. I was still unclear in my mind of what events happened sequentially.

Sitting in Ben's cheery kitchen now, we're drinking a new cup of coffee and having a small piece of super dark chocolate each, as was our early afternoon custom, chatting with Mama.

Ben said, "Last night on my search of bears, I found out they do not poop in their dens anytime during hibernating, Jada. And in fact that they don't have to relieve themselves at all when hibernating, they seem to re-use that intake of their food, scientist think. Anyway, you told me the stench was terrible and that Bear went outside to relieve herself. Probably neither bear went to the bathroom in the den. Just wanted you to know, Jada."

"Ben, when I went outside to go, so did she. I never went after her to see what she was doing, just assumed we were both after the same thing, relief. Well, what do you think the stench was from then?"

"I think it was just the years of den living, and the unknown to you which was the scent of bears. Did you ever think she went outside with you to make sure that you stayed safe?"

Ben answered his own question with another slightly crooked little knowing smile on that kind old face of his.

~~~***~~~

Mama finally went home to check on her house, her mail, and all that kind of stuff. She had just left the day before. She was due to come back by the weekend. She would be gone two whole nights. As soon as she got to Nome, we got a call from her.

"All the reporters are gone," she said, "and the house is all right too. Nothing's amiss. Expect me back there the day after tomorrow."

She sounded so happy about it. I knew then how much she had missed being in her own home.

Looking out the back window from the breakfast nook, in the next morning, early, after talking with Mama on the phone, it was about a month before the baby was supposed to be born, I thought I saw Bear. I couldn't believe my eyes, so I got the binoculars to see if I could make out if it was really her. Sure enough, there was a little bear hanging back more towards the trees. I just knew it was Cub. I fast put on my parka, and boots with heavy socks to go outside. I really had to see them. Just think the tiny house with my bear smelly clothes inside had lured them back, and so quick too. I was happy.

Hurrying across the big field that must have been ploughed in it's day, because it was really bumpy and lumpy. I had to watch the ground to keep from falling forward. My body was leading with my big belly sticking out in front, so that too, put me off balance.

Getting to the fence, I was disappointed, because I couldn't see the bears. I started calling them. I thought they would just come running. When all of a sudden a huge bear, now I could see it was black, not dark brown like Bear, the cub was darker too than Cub. The mother bear ran towards me with a booming growl. Alarmed, I was going to start running towards the house, but I had a lucid thought to not turn around. So I backed up, slowly, still looking at her. Hoping the fence between us would hold her off at least for awhile. It was hard backing up, keeping my eyes on the bears, what with all the lumpy ground.

She was rubbing on the barbed wire like itching her back, then she let out another air piercing growl. It scared me and I turned and I was going to run the rest of the way back to the house. Before I could actually get inside, I had fallen two times. Hard. But I got right up and just kept running. I felt she was close. Then I got under the car port, turned around to see if she was giving chase. No, the fence had kept her away. Ben called that fence a bear fence for a good reason. It sure was strong enough to keep that giant out.

Boy, did I ever get bawled out by Ben. He said if I ever thought I saw my two bears again to call him, so he could go over there with me. And that he would take the rifle with him. Also lamenting about Mama just leaving us alone and now this happened, that she would really be worried and no wonder, and that she would probably come right back now.

That very day, he went to town, and bought us both identical cell phones, except mine was pink and his was black.

I said, "But, Ben, we already have cell phones. Now I have two, why do I need two phones?"

He said, "So you will call me anytime you can't see me and if you need me to come for any reason, any reason at all, Jada, please call. This phone is to keep in your coat pocket at all times, so you won't have to go hunting for it. It has the longest charging system of all phones made, and I will make sure it is kept charged up at all times. I'm worried about you Jada, worried about both you and your baby."

I kept waiting for his little "I'm kidding with you" smile, but it never appeared. He was so worried and scared, he was serious, maybe even a little angry.

~~~***~~~

I had been reading up on pregnancy every since I found out I was going to have a baby. I could get ebooks really easy too. Not only could I read them on my Kindle, I could read them on the computer and even on my Iphone. I loved the ease of electronic books. No going to a library, no late fees, and no losing or damaging a real book. The best thing about ebooks is I got them instantly in my hand. Like magic. Well, through an electronic device, not really through my hand.

That same night, I woke with terrible pains in my stomach. I knew falling in the field caused the pains. I had been so stupid to go out there alone, but I was too excited and I had to go see if it was Bear and Cub that I saw from the kitchen window.

Immediately yelling: "Bennnnnnn! Come quick, help me. Help...hurry Ben!"

He ran into my bedroom as he zipped past the light switch, he flipped it on, came over to the bed, saying, "What's the matter Jada? What can I do to help?" His face was ashen, his eyes: worried and his usually upward smiling lips were anything but a smile this time.

Responding, I said, "Help me to the bathroom, my stomach has huge pains in it."

I grimaced along with moaning as we tried to sit me up. My belly was in the way to actually being able to sit up without huge painful efforts. Then Ben threw the blankets off me. We both looked down terrified. The bed was all blood stained. Immediately, I got scared for my baby.

I prayed, "God, don't let him die. Please help us now." I like to think that one little prayer made a great deal of difference.

While I was sitting on the toilet though, I was afraid for all I knew, I was trying to have my baby, and I was afraid it would go into the toilet and drown. With that thought I knew I needed my Mama.

~~~***~~~

Ben was busy calling the hospital where Doctor Hillstrom worked. He got her home phone number, and she wanted to come. Then he called my mother and dad, they both wanted to come too. He called the airports to see if we could leave and get to the hospital sooner than Doctor Hillstrom could get to the farm. No, we couldn't, she had a better chance of being the first to arrive due to schedules and weather. She didn't want me to be moved at all she said.

Ben brought the phone to me, while I was still sitting on the toilet. It constantly felt like I had to "go." I wasn't even embarrassed of him seeing me like that. It was just like he was my Grandpa, my best friend, and my mentor all rolled into one. I knew he loved me and I loved him, for some reason. He was such a peaceful place in a world of turmoil for me especially at that time.

Doctor Hillstrom was asking me what was happening.

I told her, "I'm having the baby in the toilet."

Her response, "Don't worry, it's not that easy, honey. If these are your first pains, expect more of the same until I get there. I will bring an epidural for your pain with me. Don't walk around too much, just stay in bed. Your parents and I'll be there soon."

I knew it wouldn't be soon enough, what with the way I was feeling. Mostly scared and in pain every so often, but not all the time. The excruciating ones only came on once in awhile, but the dull aching ones stayed all the time.

~~~***~~~

The rest of the night and the whole next day, we waited for the Doctor to arrive. The weather had been white out fog and snow, so it kept air traffic landlocked. Ben kept saying, "It won't be long, now, honey. Just breath deeply and think of the best thing you can think of. It might take your mind off the fear and pain. In fact, I know it will. That's called meditation."

Ben was the best grandpa, dad, nurse, and care giver, ever. One time I heard him down in the kitchen crying. When he came upstairs carrying tea for us, he had a stingy smile on his beautiful old craggy face. I never told him; I knew how hard all that must have been for him. It was the only time I ever heard him sobbing with that gut wrenching crying that shakes the whole body.

He did share that after what I had been through, if the baby and I didn't make it, he might lose faith in all that was good. He waited till it was all over to say those words to me though. Maybe thinking if he said them initially, I would be even more afraid than I already was.
Chapter Eleven

Finally, with all her hustle and bustle, Doctor Hillstrom came flying into my bedroom just as I begin to doze off. It was between pains and I was so tired. She examined me, then she gave me, God love her, the epidural shot. The shot was put into my lower back. After that the pains weren't so bad, after all.

As in the movies, she told Ben to go boil water, At that statement we all actually laughed.

"No," she sternly said. "We really need to sterilize instruments and things. Don't laugh, it's essential. Now get to it, Ben, get that water boiling."

Ben left to do just that. It only took Doctor Hillstrom four hours to reach us. She must have paid dearly for all that hurried up transportation in bad weather too, and I said, "Thank You Powers that be, and I thanked her too."

Maybe her just being there helped sooo much, because Ben and myself didn't know what we were doing, but we knew that she knew what to do. She was a doctor, after all. We just let her take over, thankfully. She could be all business, I realized, when she was extra scared.

Finally I overheard them talking that I needed an episiotomy at the very least. And most likely a cesarean section. I read about those, they would cut through my belly to get the baby out. I also heard her say she was afraid for my life, because I was so young, my bones weren't developed yet and therefore not wide enough to get the baby's head through my pelvis. For this reason she didn't want me to bear down any more when the pains came, as I had naturally been doing.

By now hours and hours had gone by and no baby. I was really losing my mind too. No sleep, just fear and pain prevailed. Then Mom and Dad came. They ran in, talked to the doctor, and the next thing I knew, I was up in the sky flying with Doctor Hillstrom by my side. We were in a helicopter. It was a sky ambulance. The doctor had told Daddy to get one to the farm as soon as possible. And he did.

~~~***~~~

It was the same helicopter my parents had come in, and there was no way they could come back with us, no room what with the doctor, the EMT, and me. There was only one EMT, because they knew the doctor was going to the hospital with us. Usually there were two EMT's, and this one had to pilot the copter.

As we flew through the thin, fog covered air, I had more pains, felt like I was being bludgeoned to death in my stomach. I thought, drastic pain getting this baby in there, and now, dratted pain getting him out. I didn't care, all I wanted was that he would be born, safe whole, and that I could live to get to take care of him. I loved him so much already, and I hadn't even laid eyes on him, except in a cloudy looking slick picture of the ultra sound. It had been taken on one of my many check ups. To me, the picture didn't even look like a baby, but to my parents, they were over the top seeing their grandchild for the first time in that wavy murky looking ultra sound picture.

I tried to meditate as Ben had taught me. It wasn't easy, being interrupted all the time for a big pain, I'm not even counting the little ones. Doctor Hillstrom said over and over again, "Don't push down, Jada, it only injures you more."

I thought to myself, not pushing down is like trying to stop a bowel movement in mid poop. I'd like to see anybody do that. I did stop it as much as I could, because she didn't say but I knew that it could injure the baby too and not just harm to me.

~~~***~~~

After we got to the hospital, I wasn't as nervous, because I knew I was in good hands. It didn't take long for them to zip me into surgery and to get my baby out. He was nineteen inches long and weighed five pounds. Since he came at least a whole month early, the size was very good. He was soooo cute. I fell deeply in love the very first second I laid eyes on him. Which wasn't until the next day, because of all the narcotics in me, I was still so woozy is why I had to wait to see my baby. Before the surgery, the anesthesiologist talked to me and wanted me to sign his paper, but Doctor Hillstrom came in and told him, "She's only thirteen, so she can't sign." His eyes got really big and round. He looked at me over the top of his bottom eye lids, with a questioning look.

Then, my doctor said, "It's a long story, just do your usual. We will get the parents to sign later or her lawyer, don't worry about it. Just get in there and do the surgery with whoever is on as the resident surgeon tonight. And make it snappy!"

~~~***~~~

Then, later the next day, I was still half out of it, but happily holding my baby boy, and in walked Mom and Dad. They were ever so glad to see us both alive. Doctor Hillstrom told me that I'd not feel really well for quite awhile. I gave her a goofy look, agreeing with my eyes.

Mama held my son first, then Daddy. We were all in amazement over the tiny bundle. I bet when anybody is born that is loved, it is the same feelings world wide. They drug up chairs beside my bed and we oooohhhhed and awedddd around for awhile. It was just the best time we had ever had together, I thought.

Not long after my parents, in came Ben. How happy I was to see him too. He confided, he had been waiting out in the hall, that all of them had come over on a larger helicopter and plane together. Now, my little family felt complete. There was no one in the room I was afraid to be around . This made me think of Guy, my little boy's dad.

I asked anybody, if they could find out his last name for me. I wanted to know if he had any family and maybe we could find out if anybody in his family carried any genetic diseases and make sure we knew about it ahead of time for our baby. Also,I wanted to know if my baby had more family on his dad's side. I might want them informed of his birth, a little later on though. They all agreed, no problem, and what a good idea for me to think of it. I knew all four of them had most likely thought of it before, but they didn't want to bring Guy up to me so no one had mentioned it, not since Daddy had suggested it when he was asking and talking about abortion. That seemed such a long while ago. It was really only a couple of short months ago though. I know all of us were so very glad we were not able to carry that topic through to the end result. We were utterly enthralled to have that tiny blue blanketed bundle in our arms it felt so unreal to be this happy.

Looking at the baby, well, staring at him, I wanted to see if he looked anything like Guy or me. Which one? Well, neither of us. He only looked like himself at this early stage in his life. At one day old, who can you look like except yourself?

~~~***~~~

For the life of me, I couldn't think of a name. Hours on end, I'd think of what to name him, and I even googled names for boys for the current year. For last year, for five years ago, and one time even for one hundred years ago. No dice. Nothing popped out at me, saying this is your son's name. I could have named him after my dad, but it just didn't feel right. Daddy's name is James Theodore.

Our baby had no name for four days. Thinking I had to leave the hospital soon, and that I had to hurry up and think up a name, I nonchalantly asked Ben what his name was:

"Benjamin Theodore."

I immediately exclaimed: "Wow, that's it! Benjamin Theodore! Benjamin after you, Ben and Theodore after you, Daddy! Then we will call him Teddy for my bear experiences. You know, like Teddy Bear."

They all laughed and practically in unison said, "Hello Teddy!"

It just felt right as rain. Somehow, settled, now I could worry about something else. I smiled to myself with this thought.

It wasn't long until I had plenty to worry about...again.

~~~***~~~

Barbara Woodard was announced by one of my nurses as waiting at the nurses desk to see me. I asked him to bring her in.

She entered and the first thing she said was, "You never called me back as you promised, for my exclusive."

Mom told her, "Well, we're still here and life's not over either."

"It's okay Mama, you don't have to worry, I'll be all right with whatever Ms. Woodard wants. We know you are a reporter, so you can see why we are a little hesitant to speak with you."

She returned with, "Now you have had a baby. You know this is big news. And where have you been? I have been trying to find you for some weeks."

"Why? I'm not so great," I said.

"Oh, yes, you are. In all of history, there hasn't been one other person that has lived through all the circumstances that you have lived through, and I know it's quite a story, so I want to be the one to tell that story. Don't you see? The only survivor out of two hundred and two people on a passenger jet that was downed in the wilderness. The plane has never been found by the way. For you to come through it alive after months out there is unbelievable. Now a baby! You are just a baby yourself! Don't you see I need this story, I want this story. Jada, you promised."

I responded with, "You saying that doesn't make me like you any more, Ms. Woodard. If my story is ever written, I will write it myself. I am capable as anybody and more capable than anybody else to write my own story. In fact, I withdraw the invitation for you to come talk with us. You have talked a little rude and I don't like it. Neither do these people, my doctor, my friend, and parents."

"May I just take one picture of you and the baby before you kick me out of here though? Then I promise, I won't bother you again."

I said, "No, good-bye."

Doctor Hillstrom, Daddy and Ben, all stood up to usher Miss Barbara Woodard out of my room. The doctor went to the nurses desk and even called security, and ordered that Ms. Woodard was not to be let into the hospital again, and for them to put her picture at each Security desk to make sure of it. They assured the doctor that they would get a picture from the security cameras to post at all entry doors.

~~~***~~~

The very next day, Mama showed me a newspaper with these headlines: BEAR GIRL HAS BABY

Then there was an article all about us, me, my doctor, and parents. Also in black print for the whole world to see was terrible speculation on how the pregnancy could have happened, what with me out in the wilderness when it obviously did happen. The by line had Barbara Woodard's name printed there.

Now, the very worst of it. A fuzzy picture of me and Teddy in the hospital bed.

I rang for Doctor Hillstrom, she entered my room, and I yelled for her to look at the paper.

She said, "I know, our phones are ringing off the hook. I am soooo sorry, Jada, Marion and James, Ben. I have no idea how this happened."

I again, yelled, "Well, someone in this hospital is leaking everything. I want you to stop writing down on my records anything about me. You have to stop for my babies sake. He could be scarred for life. Look at that picture, it was taken in this very room. I am looking down at the baby, so obviously, I didn't see who took it. With these cell phones, no flash needed, it could have been any one of your nurses or staff. Dad, Mom, I want to go home, and go home now."

Dad said, "Do you want to come with me to LA, or to your mother's in Nome?"

"I guess I will have to go to Nome with Mama. I think LA would be terrible. Such a huge city and so many people. I might be hounded by reporters maybe even worse than in Nome."

Mama tried a little wan smile, but her face wouldn't bear it.

She did say, "So, that's settled, we will pack and be out of here within the hour. Doctor Hillstrom, will you sign the release for Jada to leave hospital?"

She answered, "No, I don't think she is ready, she isn't well enough to go yet. Her incision is no where near healed and neither is her abdominal area on the inside. There were quite a few tears in there, and I want to watch you, Jada. Please stay. I think I can understand how you feel, about being exposed in such a terrible fashion, but your health is more important than your feelings at this point."

I answered, "I am sorry, Doctor Hillstrom, you have been such a kind, caring doctor for me, that I don't want to leave it with us being angry with one another. I thought I had made a life long friend of you. I have to have trust to even have a friend now. My brain knows you knew nothing about these leaks, but I just gotta leave. Don't you see? Whoever would come in here to make the bed, or anything, I would wonder, was it them? Being scared of every worker here is no way for me to regain my health back. I want to leave, please."

Doctor Hillstrom answered, "okay, I will sign the release, but only on one condition. If I'm allowed to remain your doctor and to fly to you and make house calls. Do you agree to this?"

"Yes, I do, thank you so much for looking at my side of this thing. If you wrote anything down about me, that I told you in secret, will you promise me that you will destroy it? If I ever tell anybody else, it will be because I want to tell it, and that it will be the right time and the right thing to do. I think you know what I'm talking about."

She was looking down at her hands, so I couldn't see the expression on her face, but she answered, "Yes, I will."

Her very answer told me she had made notes of all my true confessions. I had never told anyone except her, Mom and Dad about suckling from Bear. And that Guy had raped me. I can't figure out which event I'm more ashamed of. I might get over it, but it all eats on me regularly. Making my face burn with shame. Then I argue with myself about the entire situation, telling myself not to be ashamed, I did nothing wrong. I'm still embarrassed and ashamed though. I feel guilt too and I know that doesn't make much sense. Knowing I brought none of these events on myself doesn't take the guilt away either, I have to work on myself healing my bad emotions, I know I don't deserve the guilt feelings. Guilt will have to be worked on just like the PTSD and anxiety. Maybe we are all born feeling guilty no matter what we do. It seems to consume most of us and that is what makes most of us feel fearful in our innermost hearts.
Chapter Twelve

We were on the next small plane to Nome. It happened so fast that Mom and me hardly got all the instructions on how to care for my tiny baby before we had to hurry to the small airport to be on the flight to Nome, in time.

Doctor Hillstrom made us promise to call her if I had any weird new pain or happenings in my guts. Or if there was any question about Teddy's health, any question at all. She said she would come as soon as possible in either one of these events. We did make an appointment with her to come to Mom's house in one week's time. Then she would check both Teddy and myself making sure of a healthy progression, she said.

Dad came with us to Nome, since he said he wasn't done getting to know his grandson, and he wasn't done being thankful that I came through the birth alive too. He had tears in his eyes when he said all that. I was glad to have him with us. I missed him so much for the past many months when I was gone that I hadn't began to make up for it yet.

Ben went back to the ranch, as he called it, after he came to Mom's house in Nome for a day and a night. He wanted to see where we would all be staying, he said. I didn't want to tell my parents, but I already felt like I would miss Ben the most. It would'a hurt their feelings.

When Ben was leaving I hugged him tightly and told him, "I hope I get to see you real soon. You don't want to miss any of Teddy's growing up and I want you in both our lives, cause it seems like I have always known you, Ben. I miss the ranch too, you know."

Ben responded, "When you're well enough, will you come back to the ranch and stay with me, then? You know I have no one, and it would be just wonderful if you and the baby either visited me or lived there on a permanent basis. We three could make a good life for one another together. It is quiet, and I would make sure no one bothered you, like they might here in the city."

I said, "I will think on it. Sounds great and I might get to see Bear and Cub again. That is one of the biggest goals of my life, I know it sounds silly, but I miss those two bears just as if they were part of my human family."

He walked away over to the plane, as I stood there. Watching the plane take off, I waved for what seemed like five whole minutes. Long enough to know I looked like just a little dot on the ground to his kind old eyes. I loved him, but I dared not tell him that, not yet. I hardly ever even said that to my own dad and mom.

~~~***~~~

It's so serious and scary to love somebody. They might lie, steal, cheat, or hurt you in some way. They could even die. Wait a minute, that isn't them, that's their actions, and it's just their humanness, their ego and their body, not the Real them, which is Spirit, in my opinion.

Already I knew I loved my baby more than anything in the world. No matter what he ever did, it couldn't stop my love from going out of me to him. I guess that is what is called unconditional love.

When Mama and Daddy got a divorce, I hated both of them so much and just wanted them to disappear forever, I thought. But look at us now, we love one another as much as we ever did. We are much more patient with each other too. I wish I could feel like that about everybody. You know: "Do unto others, as you would like them to do to you."

Not hardly anyone wants to be hurt, killed, lied to, and stuff. I think that's the part of us that is the human condition, the so called ego, that there's way more to us than meets the eye. What if what meets the eye isn't even anything compared to what doesn't meet these human eyes?

This is the first time in my life I even thought about love and stuff like this. I must be growing up. I guess having a baby at thirteen, makes a girl grow up in a sudden hurry.

~~~***~~~

As soon as we got all settled in at Mom's, in Nome, the reporters started coming. Hounding us, actually. Some were so rude, they tried to look in our windows. I pulled all the blinds, so they couldn't see in, though. We had those new kind of blinds that look kinda like accordion style, but anyway, they either pull up or down. not just down. I like them because you can still get light into the room without people being able to see inside, if you pull them up and not down.

The ones upstairs only had to be pulled up a little ways, for us not to be seen from ground level, so, it was much more airy, light, and open feeling when we were upstairs in our rooms. Teddy and I stuck upstairs mostly, I love light and needed light. Downstairs depressed me, it being so dark, with the shades drawn just about all the way up and the reporters out on the road and even all the way in our yard sometimes.

So, that's all the privacy we had. I would never go outside. Teddy never went outside, either. It got pretty boring real fast. I was only at Mama's house two weeks when IT happened. Daddy had long gone home the week before. It was just our baby, Mama and myself. I felt trapped, I wanted to go to Ben's.

I got to see Doctor Hillstrom for that follow up appointment. Everything checked out okay, except for some lingering pain in my pelvic area. She told me not to do anything strenuous until my next appointment with her. And that otherwise, I was coming along nicely.

It happened when Mama had to go out grocery shopping, and for some other stuff too, after all, we were prisoners, in our own home. Going to buy groceries or anything else fell on Mama, because no way was I going to face that mob out there in the street and some of the more forward in the yard...inside our fence!

My mother came back from the store with red eyes. Good thing there was the garage attached to the house. She could just open the garage door with the remote control, then come in through the kitchen. That way, I could help her bring the food in, but she shushed me to stop because I wasn't supposed to lift anything heavier than a feather. I'm just being sarcastic or that other word that fits better. Facetious, just being me, I suppose.

"What's wrong mom? You've been crying. Tell me what happened out there?"

She just looked down and said, "No, I was just thinking about how things are for you, and I'm feeling sorry for you. It's nothing, Jada, just a little sadness, maybe a low grade depression."

"Are you sure, Mama? I never see you cry hardly ever, and it feels like something has just now happened."

That night all went on as usual. We ate dinner together, we both took care of Teddy, then we sat down to watch satellite TV for awhile. During the TV watching I lifted little two and a half pound weights so as to do something with some of my energy. I couldn't exercise, couldn't walk out of the house or I'd be harassed, and I couldn't jog yet anyway, due to more healing that had to happen. I hated being inactive, but since I could visualize the end being somewhat near, I knew I could live with the anxiety of it all.

I saw mama was still very upset, but she wouldn't talk to me about it. I just thought, maybe tomorrow she will feel more like talking, hopefully, about whatever it is that's upset her. She didn't. Along about noon, Mom said, "I've got to run to my office and check in. Will you be okay here all alone?" She now had a real estate license and a job with a local realtor.

"Yes, as long as one of those reporters doesn't get into the house. I'm not really afraid of them, but I don't want to have to deal with them, not any of them either."

Mama assured me that all the doors had deadbolts, and that the double pane windows had utility hard core locks; and that if I didn't actually answer the door, I'd be all right for a few hours.

I never answered the phone, only my mom did that, she was trying to shield me from the world. I wondered how long this would go on. I hoped Teddy didn't have to ever be affected in any way about what the reporters were after. Not if I could help it, I had to keep him safe from this mess, I thought to myself.

~~~***~~~

So, while my mom was out, I went into her room to snoop. Thinking I might find out what she was so upset about yesterday. I did. It was not under her mattress, but under the top sheet of the mattress. Under the blanket and bedspread too. At first I thought, why is she hiding a newspaper. But after I got it out, I opened it up, and then I saw why.

Front page, huge headlines, the same picture of Teddy and I in bed at the hospital, it said, BEAR GIRL'S BABY HAS BEAR DNA.

What the heck!!!! I couldn't believe my eyes. How could this be? Where did they get this idea? I'm going to sue that hospital..This must be more of their antics. Then I read the entire article. Unbeknown to me, they had taken a DNA test on Teddy and on me too, while we were in the hospital. I never knew it, though. I bet my parents didn't know it either. In that case I think it was against the law.

The article went on to say, the DNA test has proven both of us have Ursidae Carnivora Mammal DNA genetic chains. Stating how impossible it could be unless we somehow, had intermixed with a bear. And that everyone knew that could never have happened. That there was a huge mystery about me. Asking how this one little girl could have lived when no one else had lived and she had lived for over 160 days on her own out in the wilds of Alaska. Even being healthy enough to birth a child, being pregnant all that time seemed unrealistic. You can imagine how it went on and on with speculation. I was sick. My stomach was so upset, I just about threw up. I was madder than hell, my head felt like it was ready to explode. Oh, God, what now?

Right then the phone rang. Doctor Hillstrom showed up on the caller listing. I answered, I was just screaming at her.

She said the wrong thing: "Calm down Jada."

"Are you kidding, calm down? I can't believe your hospital did it to me again. First leaking lots of so called information and a crappy picture, now this."

"I'm so sorry, Jada, can I come over?"

"No, I never want to see you again. Never, ever. It's all your fault, I should have just stayed at Ben's and had the baby; then, your snoopy hospital staff would never have gotten any bit of information about me to sell."

In my frontal brain I knew, that if I had really stayed at Ben's to give birth, that both my baby and myself would have surely died; but I was mad, mad....mad as hell. So upset, I had to lash out at somebody.

"Jada, Jada, listen. Maybe it wasn't the hospital staff. Do you know it costs enormous amounts of money for DNA tests? What about the airline. Have you ever thought it could have been them all along? They are out millions and millions of dollars, they will do anything to see why you lived, so now these tests."

I slammed the phone down, went over to the window, and sneakingly peaked out to see the vultures. Oh, I couldn't really blame them, after all it was their job, their careers, and their livelihoods to snoop. There ya go again, Jada, I was talking to myself, feeling sorry for the culprits.

I was so nervous, upset, and angry. I couldn't wait till Mama came home. She might know what to do, all I wanted to do was to flee. Run. Get away, not face another camera, microphone, and people. Never answer another question, or read another newspaper with my name in it. I was so upset. Unless you have ever been accused of having sex with a bear, you might never be able to understand how I felt.

After I set the phone down, a second call came, and I thought it was the doctor calling back, so I grabbed the phone up without even thinking screaming, "What?"

A voice that sounded vaguely familiar, said, "Jada, one time you promised you would talk to me. Will you now, do just that, please."

I said, "Who is this?"

"Barbara Woodard, the Reporter for The Alaskan Enquirer, remember me?"

"Yes, I do, but I never want to talk to any of you. Please, can't you just leave us alone?"

Barbara Woodard, answered, "Can you tell me at least how your DNA could have ever been mixed up with a bear's DNA?"

"Maybe I ate some bear meat." I flippantly stated.

"Jada, if you agree to tell only me your story, I can get you lots of money for it. You could be set up for life. Why don't you think about it. Hoperahh and all the talk shows want you already, because all America, maybe the entire world, will tune in on that one day to hear your story."

I hung up, turned the ringer off. Ran up to my mom's room, re-hid the newspaper neatly, just like she had it. Under the sheet, under the blankets and the bedspread. I would not tell her I had read it, I sure didn't want her to know I was snooping. I would hate for my own mom not to trust me, everything was hard enough already.
Chapter Thirteen

The next thing I did before mama got home, was to call Daddy.

"Daddy, oh, Dad, have you heard?"

"Yes, honey. What can I do to help?"

"Come here, come as soon as you can. I need you both."

We actually spoke a few more minutes between sobs that were coming from me.

He said, "Honey, please, please don't cry; you will make me cry too. I am so sick about this. What will they think of next? Yes, I'll be on the next plane to Nome, don't worry. I'll be hugging you before you know it, Jada, my sweet Punkin. We will figure something out, soon, so you and Teddy can have at least somewhat of a normal life. I love you, Sweetie, See you tomorrow when you wake up I'll be there. Bye, bye, for now, honey."

Then I heard Mom honking the horn inside the garage to let me know she was home again, and that it was her that would be coming through the kitchen door.

As soon as she came in, with her arms full of stuff from the grocery, I ran over to her, crying. She quick set the bags on the counter, and then encircled me in her arms. I sobbed deeply, anguishing sounds from deep inside of my soul. All the things I had been through the past year hadn't been like this, it's the straw that broke the camel's back. In itself, this wasn't even life threatening or anything, but it was the one last happening to break me down completely.

We stood there by the kitchen sink, with both of us crying until we heard Teddy starting up to cry too. Then I laughed, and so did Mama, we went into the living room to take care of our Little One.

After, warming a bottle, I begin feeding him from it, with Mama sitting across from me.

She said, "Jada, honey. How did you find out, and for that matter what do you want to do? Do you have any ideas?"

"I already called daddy and he's coming. I want you both with Teddy and me. I don't feel safe, and with him here, I'll bet you and I will both feel better."

She agreed. I was seriously happy my parents were still friends. They told me it was like this: that they weren't going to be married all their lives, but that they would be my parents all their lives, so since their joining was that cause to never worry where I was concerned, they both were on the same side. And that was on Jada's side. That they had been good friends before marriage and they didn't see any reason to stop being friends just because after fifteen years of being together, they both wanted different things and to go different ways. They would always be in harmonious unity when it came to me. Perfect explanation for a kid, I thought. Besides, it all felt so true.

~~~***~~~

Mama asked me what I thought we should do again. I said I would think about it, and we decided to wait until dad got here to discuss it further. She must have known I needed to just rest and try and shut my brain off from those blasted headlines.

I did tell her about that reporter: Barbara Woodard calling me, and that I talked to Doctor Hillstrom too, and that I had yelled at both of them. So Mom must have thought Barbara Woodard or Doctor Hillstrom had told me about the terrible, accusing DNA headlines. And she, in fact, did think that's how I learned of the terrible headlines. The headlines that were pitch black and two inches high on the front page of the newspaper. Only I knew about it first from what was under Mama's bedding. I for sure hoped Mama didn't ever find out I had been snooping in her bedroom. It's so easy to shatter trust.

When I got up in the morning and went downstairs, Daddy was there already! I was so happy to see him. I cried again. He shushed me. He hates it when Mom or me cries. Probably cause he feels helpless to save us from whatever we are crying about. Especially since he knows he can't fix the problem, whatever it might be. But if he could, he would, just to stop our crying. He just can't stand that part.

Mom made us breakfast and best of all, rich black coffee, which she had just bought yesterday from a specialty shop in town. It was Kona coffee and fifteen dollars a pound. Worth every penny. It's shipped from Hawaii of course, being Kona, probably that's why it's so spendy. After breakfast, she made another pot. We took our coffee into the living room to talk after I had taken care of Teddy and all was quiet in our baby department.

Dad spoke first, "Jada, what do you think these headlines are all about? I can't believe anybody would print anything so stupid without at least thinking there could be some truth in it. There is this little thing called libel, you know."

I gave a questioning look over to him, and he went on, "Libel is where if someone can't prove something said or printed about someone else, the injured party can sue the first party that spoke without proof."

Next it was Mama's turn. She had been in contact with Doctor Hillstrom yesterday, when she was out at her office. Doctor Hillstrom told Mom that the airlines did an extremely expensive DNA test that was way more involved than just a normal genetic one. They told the doctor there is definitely proof bear DNA is involved in Teddy's and my DNA. That DNA doesn't lie and that it can't be mistaken.

Then the doorbell rang. I thought it was just another cheeky reporter but the insistent ringing caused Mom to go look. She opened the door up and there stood Doctor Hillstrom.

Mom, invited the doctor inside. Then instructed her to go to the living room, where we were all talking, and that she would go get another cup of coffee for Doctor Hillstrom.

The doctor said, "Thank you, Marion, for having me here. Jada is really mad at me right now. Do you think she will allow me to have a conversation with you both regarding this new thing that just came up?"

Mom answered, "Of course she's upset, which I certainly don't blame her, but in spite of that we need you here. A professional opinion is welcome, I think. By the way, may we call you by your given name? This calling you Doctor Hillstrom all the time gets a little wearing. Jada's dad just arrived too, they are both in the living room."

"Oh, yes, I should have told you to go ahead a long time ago and leave off the so stilted professional name. We all have been through so much together and I have no other patient that I feel so close to as I do to Jada. My first name is, Elizabeth, please use that, it's much easier and way more personal, too."

"Okay, I'll be right back."

Dad and I had heard the whole conversation, so we already knew what was up.

Doctor Elizabeth Hillstrom came in, sat on the edge of one of the matching upholstered chairs.

She looked at me and said, "I'm so sorry Jada, that all this is happening. You are so young to have to face such mountainous obstacles already. I truly am sorry, Honey."

I looked at her kind face and replied, "I am sorry too for how I yelled at you yesterday, Doctor Hillstrom... oh, I mean, Elizabeth."

Then we all three laughed just as Mom walked in with the coffee pot and an extra cup. Asking, "Who wants a refill?

~~~***~~~"x

Elizabeth asked, "May I start by telling you all what I learned yesterday from our chemist slash scientist and also from the airline representative who called on me at my office?"

We all three nodded in agreement and I stated, "Yes, go ahead, please do."

She began, "There are four kinds of DNA testing for genetic genealogy. All four types were done on you and Teddy's blood. There is, Y-line DNA tests and that is just done on males. Then there is Mitochondria DNA tests, next is Autosomal DNA, and lastly is The X Chromosome DNA tests."

"They did all four of the tests on your baby, and the other three on you, including a even newer one that combined all of the ones just mentioned, and because of it we are just now discovering even more about the make up of a human being. In the year 2000, there was only two types of DNA tests. Now there are four standard ones, and the people who did your tests could tell exactly what you and Teddy had actually ingested in the wilderness. I think curiosity got the better of the doctors and scientists. Even if there hadn't been a whole lot of money involved, they just couldn't believe you could have lived, carried a child to term, just about, and then have that child end up a healthy, near normal weight and size.

"So Jada, I am soooo sorry, but I think your ingesting a bear's mother's milk is out of the bag and that soon everyone will know. So the question is what should YOU do with this knowledge? And I suggest that we, or most importantly you, do it first. Use your own voice. That is, do it first before the media has a hay day with all this."

All was quiet for ever so long, then Mom asked if anyone was hungry. No one said anything. All the rest of us were thinking. Thinking what to do. Then it hit me.

~~~***~~~

I would and could go on Hoperahh, 48 Hours, or some other big show that would pay me to get my true story out there. To be first with the story. That way, it would be like I wasn't ashamed of anything that I'd done, and of anything that had happened to me, most of all I would prove I wasn't ashamed of my baby. That we are all proud of him, proud and thankful we're both still alive.

So, I said, "What if, as Barbara Woodard said, talk shows like Hoperahh want me. We could call one of them offering my story? It would be like me turning the tables on all of those reporters, all of the airline people, and all of them that are chasing after us, and everything."

Dad spoke next, "I think that's, a very good idea, Jada. We will be in the driver's seat then, and we will show we have nothing to hide. Instead of being the hounded, sorry people we are acting like now, hiding behind closed doors day in and day out. We will have the upper hand and pursue one very big network or a very big show. And Jada you will get paid what it's worth, then we'll all fade into the background, at least I hope we can have a normal life, after the show is over."

Looking at Elizabeth and mom, he asked, "Do you think I should hire a Lawyer to do the inquiring for us? I'll go ahead and do it tomorrow. I know a guy in LA who I can call, because I don't want it to be leaked with any of our names until it's all settled between the show or network and us. We do need a good go between. I refuse to continue on this roller coaster for you and your mom's sake too, Jada, but Jada, it is ultimately up to you, honey."

Doctor Elizabeth looked at me and asked, "What about it Jada? Are you up to doing this? In my opinion I think it's a good idea too, but only if you, Jada, can handle it physically and emotionally."

Mom asked the same question, but she asked only with her eyes.

I could read worry into her look at me, and so I answered, "I can do it, mostly just so it will all stop. As soon as the airlines and the world know the truth, they should lay off. There would be nothing else for them to try to find out."
Chapter Fourteen

And that's how it all came about that I was to appear on TV's most watched Network show. I flew to New York to be on Hoperahh. Mom, Daddy, Ben, Elizabeth, and Teddy all flew with me. I was still deathly afraid of planes, but it was the only way to get it over with, and get it over with fast. The flight was uneventful. Just as I thought the last time I was on a big passenger jet, I had thought that flight would be uneventful too. Now this, all coming about because of that flight so many months ago.

That flight wasn't, uneventful that is, so here I was walking onto a stage to talk with the greatest talk show person on earth. Hoperahh. She said the rights to the show would be sold over and over and that I'd get money from it for years to come. A movie would be made too. I kept the rights to any books being sold and written about it, because I wanted to do that myself someday. And thus this book you, my dear Reader, are reading right now is how it came about.

I had asked if all my family could come out on stage to be with me. Even the baby. I wanted us all out there, the whole story told once and for all. I was sick of being gossiped about, whispered that we were freaks and stuff. So, sitting stiff as a stick figure on that stage, I had to do some deep breathing so I wouldn't faint. The lights were so hot and bright, I thought I'd end up a puddle on the stage floor. There was a glass of water there in front of me on a low coffee table. I took a sip, it was icy cold, just what I needed to bring me out of my near swoon.

Hoperahh came out, she was still as beautiful as ever. I had watched her on Channel H my whole life. Her daily show was over by the time I was born, but mama told me all about the show that she made sure she would never miss. Mom told me that she, my mom, wouldn't be as smart as she was if it wasn't for that show, it had broken the age old taboos of tons of subjects, that no one had ever talked about before. At least not out loud, and in no way publicly, especially not on TV. All this was when Mama was younger.

I was in awe being there, but Hoperahh put us all at ease instantly with her "down-home" attitude, her big welcoming smile, and her laid back persona.

She asked me all about the plane crashing, and since it was only an hour show and it was live, she didn't stick to the crash as much as I thought she should, only because I didn't want to hurry up and get onto the other topics so soon, but I knew I had to get the whole thing over with and that we only had the one hour.

I was asked: "So, Jada, you are very young, were you already pregnant when you boarded that plane?"

"No mam, I only had one period in my life and that was just before I left Nome to fly to LA to my dads home. See, I went to school in LA and lived with him during the school year."

She was staring at me with a big question on her face, and for the first time in public, I came clean as to what happened:

"There was another person who lived through that crash without a scratch, too, his name was Guy, he raped me and that's how I got pregnant."

There was an audible intake of breath from the entire audience. After that no sound except for Hoperahh's and my voices came next.

"What happened to him. I never heard about another person being found."

"Oh, he wasn't found. The day after the rape, a bear was after him, and he went up a tree. I ran away from him, and was hiding, when I heard him calling me. I went to peek through the brush to see what was happening. A big bear was below the tree. Guy wanted me to shoot the bear, he had dropped his gun, it was on the ground, I got the gun and shot up into the tree, he fell and the bear took him away."

"Did you shoot the man?"

"Maybe, I'm not sure if I did or not, I didn't really aim or look, I just closed my eyes and shot, then he fell. I was so afraid of him, I would rather the bears eat me than to be left alone with him."

"Oh, so, you shot him in self defense of being raped again, then?"

"Yes."

The lights all went off, a guy yelled, five minute break, women ran over to the star of the show, brushing her face with make-up, patting her hair in place.

While all this was going on, Hoperahh was saying to me, "Jada, I am so sorry, that happened to you. It happened to me too when I was your age, so I know the terrible suffering. I don't know how it would be though to be raped, out in the woods all alone with no one at all left to be with me. My heart sure goes out to you, honey."

~~~***~~~

Then the lights all came back on, camera people were all over us, at every angle, and she was talking again. This time engaging my family and doctor.

I heard her ask Ben, "How are you related to Jada?"

"Oh, I'm not, I'm the one who shot her." Then he was silent, looking sick.

"Hoperahh continued, with a shocked look on her face, "Can you please explain that a little bit?"

Ben answered, "I think Jada should continue on and at the end if there's any time left for my explanation, I will tell it then."

"Ok Jada, what happened next, after the man was gone?"

I said, "The bear came back and drug me to her den. She had a little baby cub. I stayed in the den with those two bears for months. Every day for the first couple of months, I thought she was going to eat me. She never touched me. It was like she knew what Guy had done to me, and like she maybe felt sorry for me, or something."

"Well, how could you survive?"

"You know traces of bear genetics have been found in my baby and my DNA, don't you? The way that happened is when there was deep snow and there was nothing to eat, right before I died from starving to death, the giant mother bear grabbed me along with her cub and I nursed from her."

You could hear a pin drop. No one moved. No camera people made a sound. Hoperahh's mouth stood open, she didn't know what to say.

All was silent, so I continued, "I think the bear had given birth to twins, she must have missed one and her milk was what they call engorged, somehow she knew I was going to die and she fed me. I never once came over to her, or approached her in any way. I was so scared. She just jerked me on top of her when she was nursing her cub and her milk just shot out. It truly was other worldly. Even though it was saving my life, I was still so deathly afraid all the time. When spring came, we all three went outside. The mother bear dug up roots to eat. I ate the same things she ate. Knowing whatever she ate wouldn't kill me because it didn't kill her. And that over the years she had lived in the wilderness and knew a lot more about surviving than I did. When the salmon came, she fished for them, got a fish in her mouth, then tore off pieces and gave them to me. Then she led me to Ben's place, he thought the bear was after me, and he was going to shoot the bear, but I ran towards her and I was shot instead of the bear, I didn't want her dead."

All was so quiet. I had to say something else to end all this, get it over with so I could go home and have a life.

"So, there you have it all. I hope speculation will now stop. There is nothing else to tell. I want to thank you Hoperahh for having us here so I could tell my true story and also more importantly the bear's story. Animals are way more loving and smart than we humans give them credit for."

~~~***~~~

After that show, the police were out in the hall to meet me, take me to their headquarters and ask me about shooting Guy. The airline people were there too. Their lawyers, the FBI, and the lawyers for the deceased passengers were all there. Even my lawyers were there, two of them, a man and a lady, staying close to me. I thought, won't this nightmare ever get over with?

I begged, "Could we please do this tomorrow? I am so tired, I can't think straight. Please let me go home just to rest. I recently gave birth, and had to have surgery too, you know, and I'm not very well yet."

Doctor Elizabeth Hillstrom, was standing near me. She said, "I can vouch for that. I'm her doctor and Jada needs to leave as soon as possible. This is yet another traumatic experience for her. She has now had to live through it, revealing all of what happened to her. It's just like living it all over again. You see, she did just have a baby and serious surgery, so as her doctor, I, too, am asking you to make this as quick as possible."

They did detain me for at least two hours after that. I answered as well as I could all their questions, honestly, to get this nightmare over once and for all. Finally, it was agreed upon that all the information could be brought to an inquest, and the attorneys my dad had hired would go to the inquest in my place. I wouldn't have to be present, because I'd just given my written sworn statement, not to mention there was the hour TV show that could be viewed over and over, anytime. I think they were leaning towards the idea, even if I did shoot Guy, it was in self defense, as Hoperahh had said out loud on live TV. Up until then, I had never thought of it in those words. I was glad that she did, though. It took away most of the horrid guilt I had felt ever since I pulled that trigger.

Most of the authorities didn't know what to say to me. My story was unheard of, and it was said, that I had been through enough, that I shouldn't be punished for killing a rapist in self defense, in fact, if I even did kill him. That would always remain an unknown. Unknown by me as well as unknown to everyone else.

It was then that I found out about Guy. He sure wasn't a good man. The FBI had found his family, done DNA tests on them, comparing those tests with Teddy's and sure enough, he was the father of Teddy. I was told he had even been to prison.

I said, "Please, I don't want to hear anymore. I'm on overload so much, I can't think. All this negative stuff about Guy is too much for me to hear right now. Can I please, please go with my parents now?"

Mom and dad were in the room at all times with me and all those people, but when I said that, they came over and stood behind my chair. I stood up, and the man in charge, motioned that we could go. What a relief!

Saying, "Let us know where you are at all times, Jada, until the inquest is over. If it ends up not guilty, you will never hear from any of us again."

I couldn't wait for that day to come.

~~~***~~~

Then it was all over, thank God. Daddy had hired good lawyers, lots of papers had been signed, and just for that one hour, I received two million dollars. After this, any part of my story would provide royalties for me from magazines, newspapers, radio, and TV shows. Even horrible smut magazines It was like our attorneys had patented my story.. I knew I wouldn't have to worry about supporting my baby, ever. My parents would have helped me if I had needed their support, but they weren't rich by any means, just comfortable. As they should have been at their age. They were both college graduates and had been good earners all their adult lives. But now, they could relax, if they actually wanted to relax, and or retire. I could be there for them, financially, at least.

The same went for Ben, he never had to worry about money again either. He asked me if I would come to the ranch now that this ordeal was over. I agreed because it seemed more like home than any other place on earth did. I had loved being with Bear and Cub. The happiest days of my life, after being so afraid of them at first, that is, was spent with the bears. I hoped if I lived at Ben's, I might get to see them again.

By the end of the week four more million dollars rolled into our bank account. I was shocked. Was the world so weird that they loved the weirdest stories ever? I had to answer "yes" to that question.
Chapter Fifteen

Mama said, "It's like the Dionne quintuplets when your grandma was a little girl, honey. There were no drugs to make multiple births, like there are nowadays, so these babies being born alive and staying alive was one in millions of chances during that time era. The Dionne babies, five of them, of course, were Canadian, and the world just couldn't get enough of them. They ended up not having any privacy at all, the public and the media, being so inquisitive and curious, that all their lives they were studied, looked at, and they couldn't even go outside to play because reporters, and visitors swarming and viewing their compound up until they were adults.

"Most of the Dionne quintuplets lived a full long life. People had pictures of the five babies on their walls. Just ordinary people were so intrigued they bought calendars, books, pictures and even etchings of the children. One of the main reasons was that they were identical. It was so very rare at that time for five babies to be born all at the same time, for them all to live, and all identical was one out of millions of births, that it could actually happen, especially in those days.

"There was no incubation cribs, no oxygen, nothing extra to help them survive. I think they were even born at home. It was really a miracle. My mother, your grandmother, had a picture on her wall of the Dionne quintuplets all my life. Such an oddity that people treated them as if they were in a zoo. The public just couldn't get enough of them."

Mom didn't want Teddy and me to be treated like that.

She also told me, "I'm so glad you are going back with Ben to his place in the forest, you will be safer there than any other place, because it is so remote and hardly no one knows where he lives. Dad agrees. We'll come see you for most holidays and vacations. We have given up trying to tell you what to do and where to live. We don't want our only grandchild growing up without knowing us. So it will probably turn out that he will get to know us better than if we all lived in the same town, or at least closer to each other. In the same town, we'd visit for an hour or two and then go back to our own homes. This way, we have to stay with you out there for at least a few days at a time."

"I'd like that a lot Mama. It will seem special when you and Dad do come visit. Not like when we would see you once in a while for an hour or two. I love you both so much for helping me through this nightmare, Mommy, thank you."

"Us too, honey. We are so grateful you lived through it, and now Teddy! What a blessing. Oh, and Jada, thank you, we are so appreciating of you for keeping your baby, sticking by your values, and not giving him up for adoption or worse yet, getting an abortion, even though I know that by the time we all found out you were expecting, it was too late for that. Our appreciation can never be explained, it is so immense, my love."

~~~***~~~

Teddy and I moved all our stuff to Ben's place. With his help.

Now that we had enough money to improve out lives, we hired

an architect, some workmen, and had lots of material shipped out on there to the edge of that vast forest where Ben's house stood.

A helicopter pad was built, with a huge barn to house a helicopter. I would take my pilot's license test as soon as I was old enough. But that wouldn't be for some years, though.

Ben did a lot of research and bought a helicopter worrying all along about the cost. I kept telling him not to worry, that he deserved to fly and that he could fly if he wanted to.

In the time being, Ben got his license. He was so excited about flying. He was just like a kid, smiling, looking at his license, and dancing all around the house, singing and shouting.

Telling me, "I never dreamed I'd be up in the air anytime I wanted to be. It is amazing, how you came into my life and everything changed. I'm such a happy man now. I was lonely, sad and in constant pain. Thinking I was going to pass away soon. Now the doctor has given me a clean bill of health and explained to me how our depression and emotions can and do make us physically ill, even unto death. I owe it all to you Jada, and Teddy. Oh, I'm not forgetting I owe it to Bear mostly. I too, hope she comes back to see you, honey. By the way, I checked, and the little clothes house is still there, untouched so far."

~~~***~~~

Then we built a huge enclosure to keep Teddy safe. A stronger and higher electric fence than the one that was already there. This one encircled forty acres. Our new house, which we were going to build, would be inside the forty acres that we had fenced very securely. We could turn the electric fence on and off. The control panel was at the new copter pad.

I would have another fence put right around the new house, like an enclosed yard, to make sure Teddy would be safe if he went outdoors to play all by himself when he got older. This smaller yard fence would be actually fenced overhead too. The overhead fencing would come up to the new house, and be securely attached to the roof of the house, the garage, and covered patio, but only in the back of the structure. We didn't want any mountain lions or any other big climbing animal to make a lunch of our Teddy, and I'd not forgotten that eagles would love him for a snack, too.

I was wondering how I would ever know if Bear and Cub came up to the fence. Ben's house being too far away to see them unless we were actually staring out of the window waiting for a chance sighting. Then I would have to run about half a mile to get to the edge of the clearing in hopes she would still be there, and to be able to finally see if it was truly Bear and Cub, unlike the disaster when I was pregnant and fell.

Our plan had been to build our new house close to the road, in front of Ben's original house, after all he wanted it to be torn down, after the new one was up.

Mark Eastman, a young brilliant architect, Ben, and myself, all three of us, had a hand in designing our new house.

After worrying about how I was ever going to contact Bear and Cub, with the distance problem, I brought it to the table that we build the new house right near the back fence.

Thank goodness it wouldn't be any more of a problem than building it closer to the front of the property, then we started going ahead building. It would cost more, but by now my bank account was unbelievable. Especially to me. I couldn't fathom all those zero's no matter how hard I tried. All because of Bear saving my life.

Our house would have seven bedrooms. One of which would really be Dad's permanent room, except when he wasn't visiting, it would be used as a nice big study for Ben and me. It would have patio doors out to a continual deck that ran all around the house on the second floor. In Dad's library room, we would build wall to wall book shelves up to the ceiling for the hundreds of books Ben had collected throughout his lifetime. He was a literary reader and collector, so the books would be interesting forever, he told me. I read some of them and, yes, they were pretty good, but I preferred a good murder mystery. Ben and I laughed over that statement.

Unheard of in Alaska, there would be a huge basement. Most people never went that far due to the ground being practically frozen most of the year. We had to fly in bulldozers, a backhoe, all the cement and lumber, brick, and just everything. A heavy duty helicopter had to heft it all onto the property. The windows were especially strong, not only double pane, the glass was specially made to be strong and thick enough to withstand hurricane winds up to 120 miles an hour. I knew we might not ever have a hurricane, but I just wanted the best and the safest because now we could afford buying the best material available on the market.

I was more worried about an earthquake though. Alaska being famous for them. The strongest earthquake, over 9 magnitude, in the entire United States had occurred in the state of Alaska in 1964, but pretty far from where we were building. I still thought of safety during all of the construction. With this in mind, we brought in another specialist. An Earthquake Specialist. We had the house built up to code to withstand a ten point earthquake.

The house would have bathrooms on all levels. Two on the main floor, and three upstairs for the bedrooms. And two in the basement for the party room. We had to put in wire wound pipes to heat that plumbing in the basement though. We put in a heated floor since the basement would be cold most of the year, but one thing helping it stay warm, thermically speaking, would be because it was below ground level. Unlike a structure sticking up in the air, which is a regular house for instance, underground housing was always much easier to heat and to keep warm.

Mama would have her own private bedroom for always. With doors going out onto the continual deck too. We didn't want her to feel shirked.

The basement being the same footprint as the house would be really large, so we put one bathroom at each end. A huge multi purpose room in the center, along with a big, galley type kitchen with a bar and stools separating it from the play area, but having a clear view to the pool table and a huge, wood burning fireplace.

The main floor would be like in any other house, with a really large kitchen looking out to the great room. All open space to arrange anyway we wanted with only furniture to depict the separations of primary use.

It was all so much fun planning, studying other homes, and getting to know our now live-in architect - contractor, Mark Eastman. He lived with us from the time he was hired to help with the house and it was really nice having a sorta youngish guy around. He was in his late twenties. He and I joked around a lot and he played with Teddy nicely. Ben really liked him too. We reasoned there was no reason for him not to stay with us for the duration of the building. Which finally ended up being an entire year.

Mark became one of the family during this year.

At Christmas time, he asked, "Is it all right if I invite my younger brother and sister, Brian and Andrea, here for Christmas? They love the snow, and with me being their only family, I'd rather them come here, than for me to go home. Even though I go back to visit often, I do miss them terribly."

Mark Eastman came from a little town out in the country side, fifty miles from the outskirts of New York City. He didn't really like leaving us to go back to the ruckus of a town either. His small town, even, was too busy for him, he confided.

Ben and I answered his question with a resounding, "Yes! They could come and stay anytime."

Since they were more in my age group, I knew we would all have lots of fun.

The new house wasn't ready to be lived in yet, but when my parents and Mark's siblings came for Christmas, it was so much fun showing them all around the building that would be our new house

Ben gave us all rides in the new helicopter. What fun to top everything off flying around in a helicopter, getting to see the magnificent scenery below with Ben's piloting.

I thought of Mark's brother, Brian, and his sister, Andrea, as mere kids. Then I realized they were the same age as myself practically. I wasn't a kid anymore, I had a baby already. I had lived through such scary stuff that I would have all the ABC's of psychological problems the rest of my life, the doctors told us. ABC's meaning PTSD, ADHD, OCD and stuff like that. It all means you feel like a nervous wreck. Most usually the medical doctors and psychiatrists want to give prescription drugs for these disorders, but since I didn't want any of the numbing drugs, they hadn't insisted. I decided to feel my feelings, that way, I at least had the chance of getting back to kinda normal.

I thought that living way outside of cities like I was, my stress level should be low and I could live with a little anxiety, jumpiness, and nervousness. I did. I am. The only negative thing is, I love coffee and I drink a lot of it. The doctors all told me not to drink too much, that coffee could make me even more nervous, but I'm so addicted, and I enjoy it too much to stop.

In my mind, all I have to say about that is: "Oh, well."

Andrea Eastman was fourteen, the same age as me, when they came to visit for the first time. It was so weird to talk to a girl my age that was still so innocent, cute and, naive. I really liked her, mostly because she turned out to be the only true childhood girl friend of my entire life.

Brian Eastman, being sixteen, and a regular teen age boy, didn't seem to have much in common with Andrea and me. He made fun of us, chased us outside in the snow, and yelled at us when our music was too loud. All in all, he was just a boy growing up that acted like a big brother to us both. I liked him, but not like that. There was no way I could think of a boy in any kind of romantic way for a long time, but we turned out to become fast friends, the same as his sister, Andrea, and myself.

Even their older brother, Mark, was so much more than a person we had hired to figure out our house with us, we all turned out to be the best of friends for life.
Chapter Sixteen

That was a Christmas to remember. Ben's old house was crammed too full, because it only had three bedrooms, so we put people all over on the couches, and floor with them sleeping on pump-up air mattress. They thought it was fun, like camping out, but inside.

Dad and mom had such a great time, not only was I back in their lives, they had a grandson too. It felt mostly because of Teddy. Everyone brought him gifts to put under the tall fir Christmas tree. Of course, he didn't care, he didn't even know what was going on. We gave him fun gifts mostly for ourselves, more than for our baby.

Before they arrived, Ben and I bought sleds, ice skates and outdoor toys for us older "kids", so we could play in the snow during their visit, and we would keep them at the house after they all left then anyone visiting our place could use them in the future. There was a big pond, not too far from the house, it turned out to be fun to skate on, but us skating on it made the adults nervous, since none of us had ever ice skated before and we didn't know if we would fall through, or not. We didn't.

This made me think that I wanted to build an ice skating rink closer to the new house after the new house was built. Mark would help me figure it all out later; he told me. It could be designed to be able to use year round. It would be a covered rink, and open on all sides. Mark and I were going to do research after Christmas was over. Ice skating would be the best sport for our area. We had the rest of the winter to come up with plans, because all the workman went home for the holidays and wouldn't come back until early spring. Too cold to work outside. Most everything was frozen solid.

When everyone left after our great Christmas get together, the house seemed so quiet, unless of course Teddy was crying or yelling. Or unless I was yelling.

~~~***~~~

One day Mark, myself, and Ben were all talking at the kitchen table, looking out on the snow covered wonderland. Of all things, we were talking about sex. Off handedly, Mark, inferred I must be experienced sexually. Ben looked at me with a worried look, frowning. Of course, Mark didn't really know much about me. He came from the East Coast, New York area, and I probably wasn't very big news like I was all over the news on the West Coast.

I answered, "I haven't had sex yet, Mark."

His forehead wrinkled up in disbelief. His face turned scarlet.

He said, "What about Teddy? I thought he was your own baby. I knew you were in the news, but I don't get into TV, the news or anything much outside of my work and related topics. I'm sorry, if I misspoke."

"Not at all, you're fine. Yes, Teddy's my very own baby. I was raped one time. Rape isn't sex, is it? At least not sex as I was taught to believe, what do you guys think?"

"Jada, I,m so sorry. I didn't mean to pry, but since we are talking on the subject, and since my little brother, Brian, has eyes for you, I was just making conversation. No, Jada, rape is certainly not loving sex, that's for sure. It's a cowardly, fearful act made by sick minds."

I said, "Mark, I had no idea Brian liked me, not that way, at least. I am way too young to think about boys yet. Not after what happened to me out in the woods. I would hope that in a few years, I might be healed enough to think of sex in a better light. Especially, if I ever get married. I always wanted love to go along with sex and marriage, for that matter, what do you think?"

Mark answered, "To love someone, to me, is a forever thing. Unconditionally. There would be nothing they could do to stop that love. Just think of Teddy, Jada. How you feel about him, isn't it true? No matter what he ever does, you will love him? Well, that's what I want when I ever find a woman to marry."

Then Ben had something to say on the subject, "I, too, wanted unconditional love, but when my Annie passed away, I felt I could never have that feeling again in this lifetime. When I met Jada, Teddy and her parents. That all changed. I am not talking about sexual love. Actually sexual love is only a tiny part of marriage. The unconditional part goes on forever, even if one partner leaves this world.

"I do still miss my Annie so much that I had to take her pictures down from the walls and put them in a trunk. I got a pain in my chest every time I looked at any of her pictures. I knew that body wasn't really her true self anyway. It was just her vehicle to get around here on earth, not her life and spirit. Also, I reasoned that since I had a picture of her in my heart forever, why should I have them all over the house. They just made me feel worse. This past year, knowing you, Jada, and your family, has actually been the happiest of my life. Even more than with Annie, but it's only because I am older, I no longer crave sex, and I have no expectations of anyone anymore. I used to expect Annie to be a certain way and to do certain things for me and for us, then when she passed over, I missed those things and that caused me to feel badly. With you all, my new family, I no longer expect anything. Expecting nothing gives me a whole lot of joy because whatever I do get, I am so grateful for.

"I've lived here a long time, lonely and sad. Always thinking what will I do now? Then one day, you burst out of the forest, and my whole life changed forever for the very best. I'm ever so grateful to you, Jada, God and Bear."

Mark said, "Thank you both for the conversations. I hope it wasn't too hard on either one of you, but this night has sure helped me to know you both better."

"Not at all," I answered, "But what about you?..You haven't said one word about your girlfriend or someone special, or even the S word or the L word where you are concerned. Come on, out with it, let's have it, Mark!"

We all laughed, then Mark continued, "Well, once upon a time I did have a special girlfriend. I hoped when she finished college, we would be married. Her name was Sheila. I loved her so very much. She was my first sexual encounter and I was hers, too. It was very special and touching, for both of us."

I interrupted, "I am going to get me some coffee, do either of you want anything to drink or coffee?" I got their orders and returned in a couple of minutes.

I said, "Ok, now go ahead Mark, sorry for the coffee break interruption, and oh, yeah, beer and wine break for you two."

I wanted to add; LOL, but I knew Ben at least, wouldn't get it. You probably know LOL is short for laugh out loud, meaning whatever was said was meant as a joke or it made you smile or laugh. Oh, never mind.

So, Mark went on with his story. "Sheila and I went together in high school. She was one year behind me, so she still had one year left to go in college when we decided to stay together for the rest of our lives. Like your Annie, Ben, she died, so that dream was over right then and there when that happened. Needless to mention, I have been heart broken every since."

Ben asked, "You said she died, do you mind sharing it, but don't feel obligated, just because Jada and I are both sharing candidly, doesn't mean you have to tell us."

"No, that's quite all right, I really think it does a person good to let it all out sooner or later. Holding onto past pain stays inside us and comes out as diseases, I firmly believe, like you too, Ben, about holding onto pain and stress. Anyway, one night she studied with some of her girlfriends in another dorm on the same campus, and she was walking home, when my life and hers together, came to an end. Hers for real and forever. She was murdered, but not before, she too, was raped, and then strangled. I am still involved in the case trying to solve it with police detectives, even though it was four years ago,that it happened."

I said, "I am soooo sorry, Mark. I had no idea."

He said, "Back at you, Jada, I had no idea what you have suffered either, and you are so very young."

We, all four of us, then sat around remembering various scenarios of our lives. Some of the sharing was actually fun, and funny too. I think I made a trail in the carpet by running back and forth with their wine and beer...oh and my coffee too, so I'm not sure if they were getting drunk, but I bet they were, a little bit maybe. Teddy played, while we all watched him between stories. It was a wonderful gabfest. One to be remembered for a long, long time.

I got to hear a lot of funny stories about Andrea and Brian too. How they tried to skip school, steal candy from the grocery, and how one time Brian took Mark's car and drove it to a party with Andrea and three other girls on board. All of them were under age. Brian didn't have a license and it surprised his big brother, Mark, that he even knew how to drive the car. Mark always caught his brother and sometimes his sister when they flubbed up or tried to get away with something. Andrea was harder to catch, cause she was a much better fibber, Mark shared.

I said, "No, I bet it was just because she was a girl, girls are smarter you know." We all got a big laugh out of that one too.

~~~***~~~

The new house was finally all finished. It was so beautiful. Ben took me to the county seat, then to the court house and put all the property in my name. I asked him, "What if I die before you, Ben? We need it in both our names."

He said, "There's no way you are going before me. I am old and you are just starting out. You want to live out there in the woods for the rest of your life, so that land needs to just be in your name."

"Ben, I'm the one messing around with bears. Don't you get it, I could get killed in a split second. Besides, we both fly a lot. Me, back and forth between my parent's homes and you as a helicopter pilot. Let's face it we could both be killed any day."

"Oh, how glum can you get, Jada! The property goes in your name. If you get married, then you can decide what to do at that time. You can put it in yours and Teddy's names when he is old enough too. All I know is, you built the house with your money. I am just making sure you get the property you built the house on, fair and square before I die. I want to see you safely set."

I said, "OK, I'm not going to argue. I will say a big thank you though, and come here, you old goat, let me give you a big kiss and hug." We both laughed,

He did. We ended that day very happy, with a great seafood and steak dinner at the finest restaurant two blocks from the court house at the county seat.

The property Ben signed over to me, was two hundred acres, with the state owning forest on four sides of it, which were hundreds and hundreds of forested acres. Only the front of the land faced any kind of a road or civilization. Actually there wasn't even a road, just trails that we used for the snow mobiles. Since I first came to live with Ben, he had been getting around on an old snow mobile. It was falling apart, so when I got the first of the money, I bought two very nice vehicles. They even had seat warmers, with big batteries that we plugged in all the time that they were parked with automatic charging shut off. Our new snow mobiles were like the cars that use very little gas, and are mostly battery operated. In fact the gas was mostly a safety factor. If we ran out of electrical current when we were out and about, we could switch it to gas. Both of them even had tops, sides, doors, windshields, and windshield wipers. We thought better to take Teddy out into the cold. It did get warm and toasty inside with it's nice instant heater.

The snow mobiles were parked in the helicopter hanger along with the helicopter. We didn't even own a car. There was no reason for it. Daddy told me those snow mobiles cost as much as his condo cost him when he moved to Los Angeles, and that was only seven years ago. I knew they were at the top of the luxury line, when we bought them. The sales Lady. kept raising her eyebrows every time, I wanted to add more luxury items onto the vehicles. She acted like I was a kid that had no money. Well, how could she know? I was a kid. I had to smile to myself, when she wrote it up and she asked, "How do you want to pay for these?"

I answered, "Will cash be all right?"

The poor lady dropped her pen and tried to close her mouth before we could notice that it had dropped open. Afterward, we had a little laugh about it all.
Chapter Seventeen

It wasn't hard to move into our new home. We ordered all new furniture, except if Ben wanted to keep any of his stuff, he did, and I pressed him to do so. I didn't want him to feel I was taking over everything. In fact, I asked his opinion literally on just about everything. What did I know, a new fourteen year old? We both asked my dad and mom's opinion often too. It was wonderful having all the good input. Also, we had Mark on board all the time living with us so his input was invaluable. Him having a degree in architecture and construction both.

I never furnished anything before in my life, of course, so we got a lady out from Anchorage to decorate, to order items, to advise us on picking out the paint colors, the furniture and the window coverings. We got some really neat window coverings. The blinds that can be pulled up from the bottom or down from the top. Like my mom's in Nome. We usually pull them down and not up. Then we can see over the window blind itself, and we have plenty of privacy. I was still afraid a news reporter might be outside standing in our yard looking in the windows some day. I might always have this fear. That's what a counselor told me. The one I had to see about the ABC diseases and disorders, you know, the nervous stuff I had acquired from my experiences in the woods. She also told me that all those anxiety ridden diseases were first to be believed to be only caused by a person who fought in a war. Now, it is known that most rape victims have them, big time. Also that most violent crime victims have the disorders too, especially PTSD.

All the decorating was finally done and we spent the first night in the house. Mama and Daddy, came, for the special occasion. It turned into kinda a little party.

We were going to have a big party as soon as Ben's old house could be disappeared. Meaning as soon as the recycle people came to fly it off the property. First, they would tear it all down, piece by piece. Then they would crate it up in huge dumpster style boxes, again, piece by piece, hook the box to a helicopter cable, then fly his old house pieces to where ever their business' was located. It turned out to be different places and different business'. Because one bunch of the dismantler people came to take the items inside the house away, one company took all the windows and doors only, and another company came to dismantle the house itself and haul it away. I thought it was very exciting and interesting, seeing his house fly through the air up and away piece by piece.

We wanted to clear the land all the way to the so called road, after the house was gone and plant some ornamental bushes and trees in the front. The decorating lady had something to say about that. The first day she came, she introduced herself as an Interior Decorator. She didn't want the new yard to overwhelm the new house with lots of trees and bushes so I could see she was interested in the outside decorating as well as the inside.

She said, "The house has to take center stage." And proceeded outside with her plans in hand, to talk with the special landscapers we had flown in to do the rather huge job for the yard landscaping.

I guess she was an Outerior Decorator too. Meaning outside decorating.

I wanted to say to her: "Look lady, we're way out here in the woods. If you know it or not, the forest takes center stage." But I didn't say it. No sense in being snotty to such a driven person who was just trying to get her job done, and she did do it and did it so well too!

~~~***~~~

Our house warming party would include Doctor Elizabeth; I couldn't get used to just calling her by her first name like she asked us to do, so I always put doctor in front of it. My parents and Ben had no problem just calling her Elizabeth though. I figured if she went to all those years of school just to find out what to do to help people, that she might as well be honored by people calling her doctor. So I always did. Anyway, she would come to our party for the new house, and Ben's old friends who lived in the town nearby would come. I think there were three old codgers. I was anxious to meet them. Any friend of Ben's had to become a friend of mine.

My parents, Mark, his brother and sister, Brian and Andrea, all would come, too. It would be a big wonderful party. Mark, asked if he could bring a sorta new friend.

I asked him, "A girl?"

Smiling, he answered, "Of course. I think it is about time for me to get on with life. After meeting you, it has given me the courage, to do that very thing in the romance department. Her name is Tabatha."

So our new home would have to house at least fourteen people, for the party, for up to a week, for some of them. We, Ben and I, were really excited. These were people who would be in our lives for the duration. The people we trusted and loved.

Everything was ready and the excitement ran high. Ben got some ladies from town to help in the kitchen. Who am I kidding when I say, "help", they would really cook and bake everything. I didn't know how to cook or bake anything yet, and Mom couldn't come until the night before the party. The ladies from town were really neat. Two were young ladies and one of the ladies was really a woman who had a real great hand at cooking, she had been doing it for over fifty years. They were invited to join us in the festivities. We didn't want them to feel like hired help. We wanted to include them as special guests, the same as the rest. The older lady, Sarah, later, came to stay with us indefinitely. Ben thought a lady around the house could help with Teddy and myself. He even got the two young ladies, to come out two times a week to help us keep the big place clean. They were Heidi and Carrie. Within a year of us asking them to come help us out, they started their own cleaning business. They are doing so well, now they hire other young ladies. Their cottage business' is just what our little forest town needed.

A neat side story is that, because of our snow mobile's needing maintenance, a teenager in town went to that dealer, it was in Nome, and learned how to maintain the new fangled machines. So he too, started his own business of being a snow mobile mechanic. A number of old broken down snow mobiles sitting around in people's yards, got a new lease on life due to that young dude. Maybe me moving out to the sticks helped more people than just Teddy, Ben and me. There are stories yet to be told. What really happened with all my millions?

~~~***~~~

One day, Ben said, "I'm still going to talk to you about your education as soon as this "get-up" is over, you know. You have to go to school, Jada, no matter what you think. You're not too big for your britches, Jada girl."

Whatever that means, I thought. Of course, I wanted to go to school, I just couldn't see how that could possibly work out with me way out here and with a baby to mother and raise. Well, I'd think about it when this house warming party was over with.

We went back to the same store where we bought our two snow mobiles, and bought another one. For a guest to ride, if they wanted to ride. I never met a male who didn't want to drive any kind of a vehicle.

The same sales lady, waited on us, and this time she had so much respect for us, I couldn't believe the different treatment we got this time. First time, we were two people coming into the store, Ben and me, looking kinda poor and rough, we got no respect. Then I paid cash for those two snow mobiles and she was a different person. This time too, oh, so nice to us the minute we walked in. It made me really mad that it's true what people say: "Money talks." Why treat anybody differently even if they do have money? I didn't like it one bit.

~~~***~~~

The day finally came. It was brilliant and sunny all morning, then by twelve noon, people started to arrive.

Of course Sarah, Heidi and Carrie, all stayed over night the day before to do some roasting of a huge turkey, leg of lamb and mountains of fresh vegetables, had to be prepared for all the dishes to be served smorgasbord style, or family style. Just one or two sit down dinners, since the dining room would accommodate everyone. We wanted most of the week to be more kicked back and fun. Not too formal. The first night would be sit a down dinner and the last meal would be a formal meal too.

Us kids, LOL, would be in and outside all the days, so Sarah suggested food mostly ready at all times. Even if it was just the makings for sandwiches, between meals. The guests could make their own from a side board of ready fillings. Meats, pickles, and condiments. Not to mention home made chips, of corn and potato thin sliced and oven baked. Cold and hot drinks at arms reach and a few naturally sweet deserts too. Mostly beautifully colored fruit adorned the long buffet table for our sweet deserts.

I think Carrie and Heidi had just as much fun as us other kids, because whenever Andrea and I went outside, we invited them to come with us. We ice skated on the new rink. I bought girls and boys ice skates in many sizes, so everyone would have a chance of falling on their butts. Sometimes music floated out over the air to keep us company because a sound system was installed outside under the carport with speakers wired underground to the skating rink. We all had so much fun!

The rink was a huge success. Mark designed it to be used year round, as he had promised. Coils of refrigerated, or freezing proof type of pipe were run all over the underneath of it, in a perfectly huge oval, a shallow sort of swimming pool. Real shallow. Like five inches deep. Then the ground was graded up to all the edges, so no one had to step up and perhaps fall down even before getting on the ice.

After the ice rink was built, we had ornamental bushes, and small trees planted in a woodsy like pattern around the rink. Benches placed here and there set it off to feel more like an old fashioned frozen pond. A couple of bird feeders were spaced well away from the rink site, so we could view, and invite birds to share our outdoor fun. These were cemented in place quite a ways from the rink, because we didn't want any bird seed ending up on the ice.

I even got an ice sweeping broom to sweep debris off the ice when needed. Because most of it was covered, hardly any leaves or debris littered the ice usually, but I wanted the broom anyway. The roofing let plenty of light in with slim rows of natural wood, and in between the rows of timber was a row of "see through" plastic strips, row after row. Steeply pitched so rain and storms would keep the roof clear of leaves and stuff.

Carrie and Heidi were fantastic skaters already. They had lived in our remote village all their lives. Their dad was the local pilot for the village. I found out that every winter the kids of the town went to a near by lake to ice skate. Pooh, they were well ahead of Andrea and me. They were both excellent skaters, able to do jumps, spinning and even dancing on the ice to our music.

~~~***~~~

The only ones who got a bedroom were my parents. They had to share one together, for the duration of the housewarming, because the house was so crowded. We gave Mom's regular bedroom to Sarah, out of respect, of her age. Heidi and Carrie bunked in there with Sarah too. Even though they had to sleep on the floor on some blow up mattresses. It would be better than in the party room or living room, I thought. Which could have felt too much out in the open for the girls to feel comfortable and to be able to sleep.

Ben and I hoped that my parents, being thrown together like that, in the same bedroom might have some hanky panky goin on, and maybe even get back together for good. I had hopes, at least. Now that I was sorta raised, maybe they wouldn't have so much to fight about. And the fact they wouldn't have to worry about money sure would help any couple. Children and money were the two biggest bugga boos to cause divorce. I reasoned.

The next morning when they got up, there was no tell tell signs on their faces that anything of the sort had happened though. Both were their usual polite selves to each other and everybody. Pooh, again! Well, I could always hope, couldn't I? I heard dad had a girlfriend, but that was last year before I got lost, and it was broken off now. Probably because he was gone so much due to dealing with Teddy and my dilemmas.

Mama had never had a boyfriend since the divorce, trying to get some education, so she could get a decent job and support herself.

She confided, "I have no time for romance. Maybe when I get older, and I have the time to give some needed attention to someone, I'll have a different attitude."

Now that she didn't need the money, I hoped she could do whatever it took...to make herself happy.

Both my parents and Ben, all together, did take the snow mobiles out for a run. They came back excited and red faced. Mom had driven a snow mobile near Nome before, but dad had never had the fun of it. He really liked snow mobiling, and getting out seeing the country side brought him back in smiling and robust.

I took baby Teddy out around the yard in my snow mobile. I don't know what he thought, but it was good to get him outside in the open air. When I took him back inside, he managed to fall asleep as soon as I was through changing his diaper. Then I put him down for his nap. I charged all my girlfriends to look in on him quietly, so I could run around and take care of our guests, even though there were three baby monitors placed throughout the house, and a wired in stereo system with a listening monitor in his room, it was good to have real people take a look at him now and then too.
Chapter Eighteen

By the time all of the guests left, we were a tired out bunch. I'm sure they were too. The party started on Friday, well, some came then, and it ended for some on Sunday, and the rest stayed for the rest of the week. We had a house warming to end all house warmings.

One artist, Mark's new girlfriend, Tabatha, brought us a fantastic picture of a Grizzly bear and her baby cub, pictured out in the forest, it was so beautiful. The greenery, giant fir trees, snow covered earth, and a semi frozen creek, so life like. It was such a large painting, the only room to do it proper justice was the great room, the living room. I didn't think our interior designer would like that I took the pictures down she had put on the wall, and replaced them with Tabatha's. Since it was Ben and my house, I figured we had the right. If she ever came to visit neither one of us would say a word.

~~~***~~~

Life went on as usual, except for our friends from town, Heidi and Carrie, visiting us two times a week to help with the house work. I went right along working side by side with them until the cleaning jobs were all finished. Then if we had time, we would go out and ice skate together or go for a snowmobile ride. They were older than me, but since they too were young, we fast became real friends. I was so glad to have them in our lives. Living close enough for them to come twice a week made a real difference in our friendships. All the others could only come on holidays, or when they had time to fly in to our place. Any time he was needed, Ben would take the helicopter and collect the friends, or Mom or Dad, from the nearest airport. Having a helicopter and a resident pilot available meant seeing people lots more often than if they had to get to our remote place all on their own.

~~~***~~~

As life went on, we didn't and couldn't expect our friends to come as often as we'd like. They all had their own busy lives. We really loved solitude too, so everyone stayed happy.

Teddy grew at a fast rate, and at nine months of age, he begin to walk around with his little hands grabbing onto the furniture. He was so cute. Ben and I had a laugh a day at least. But usually a laugh an hour. Growing up with Teddy sure has been fun.

It wasn't all great though, because Ben griped at me about getting back into school. He mentioned it at least a couple times a week. I didn't want to go to a school. I was afraid. Afraid of what the kids would say once they found out I was "that bear girl." Maybe, I'd never live it down.

Ben wanted me to face my demons. He knew it would free me to do things for the rest of my life that I would be afraid to do because of my reputation, otherwise. Not that it was bad, but because it was so weird. I only had one sexual encounter in my life and I was trying to forget that one. I wasn't interested in boys. Ben and Doctor Elizabeth, both said it was still early days. That I could get over most of what had happened to me, and have a normal life someday. You don't even want to hear my response to that one!

Sarah, was my biggest advocate. She turned out to be my co-dependent relationship at home. Sarah didn't want me to go away to school, always siding with me when the subject came up between Ben and myself. I think she thought it would be too hard for her to take care of Teddy, with just Ben and herself at home with the baby alone, if I did go away. After all, she came to live with us as a live-in cook and helper, not a nanny.

It would be months at a time that I would have to be gone from home, and I agreed with her. Too long apart from Teddy, and he might not remember I was his mama, he might bond with Sarah so much that it would mix him up. I wanted to be a hands on mama. To be able to take care of my own baby most of the time at least.

~~~***~~~

Finally the end result of our many discussions, was I ended up going to school in the nearby village. I could get there on the snowmobile every morning and come back in the early afternoon. Mostly it would be light enough for me to see well for the scheduled school hours. Plus, I'd have my cell phone with me just in case an emergency came up on either end of the trip, and it was only a little over two miles.

I knew I wasn't going to get out of getting an education. I even wanted one, I just didn't want to leave Teddy or to move him and myself, both to a big town, just for me to first, go to middle school, then to high school, and most likely then to college, and I fully intended to go to the University of Alaska Anchorage.

Going to the village school turned out to be a God send, because most of the children had a greater chance of getting into college and of better scholarships. I think it was due to the majority of the ethnic group being Inuit, and the income of most households in our village being so much under the average income. I would pay full price for my college education, and I'd be glad to do it, but the lucky thing for me, would be that there would be so many of my classmates going along with me. I would already know most of the kids, who would have been my long time classmates. Far away, who wouldn't need a friend or a familiar face here and there? And the best thing would be that Teddy would by then be five years old, and he and I would be well bonded, no matter who took care of him while I was in school, he would always have that bond with me, his mother, and not Sarah, my mom, or Ben. Because I would get to take care of him for his first five years.

~~~***~~~

So, it was settled. I went on the snowmobile just fine for the two miles to school. At first the kids did treat me kinda funny. They were standoffish. I think they would'a been anyway, no matter what, because there were only four other white kids in the entire school. The whole school population was a little under one hundred, students, though, so you can see it was a tiny school. From first grade through high school.

The small number of students at school was so neat. The one I would have gonet to in L.A. had over two thousand kids, and that was just high school. I would have only known a few of them. All the rest of us would be strangers among strangers. At our ages, I think we were most of us just trying to cope. Putting on a big front of being barely okay. Even the popular kids had to drink alcohol, get drunk, or have other addictions to cope, I could tell. The anorexic girls, and boys, were easy to spot. So thin, always exercising and having an apple for lunch or less. Not feeling good enough about themselves to even feed themselves. Once in awhile I spotted a cutter too, they usually wore long sleeves even in hot weather. I felt sorry for city kids who hardly get the chance for true friendships and to bond with other people. Because of the overwhelming population at school and in neighborhoods. Fear prevailed in cities more than caring.

The Inuit school children were standoffish for only about two weeks. Most of them knew I had a baby already and they had heard most of my story or all of it on TV about the plane crash, Bear, and even about Guy raping me. I tried not to feel ashamed, I tried to smile and be friendly. It finally worked because first, one girl and then a few other kids invited me into their first speech class to be part of the audience. Then, after that, they invited me to go after school to a couple of their houses to study.

The first girl that was friendly to me was named Sophia. She told me she was Heidi's younger sister. That Heidi really liked me and that's why Sophia wanted to be my friend. Made me so happy. Sophia, was four years older than me, so that meant she would graduate way before me, and I hoped I could make some more friends before she left the school.

I shouldn't a worried, cause, soon another old friend's brother came up to me, telling me Carrie was his older sister. That Carrie wanted him to take me to their house to see where they lived and for me to come visit them anytime. His name was Justin. That struck up my lifelong friendship with Justin and Sophia. Carrie and Heidi were already close as any sisters could be to me, now their siblings were too. Soon a lot of the kids were greeting me and making friends with me.

They could see I was just a normal girl that had survived a plane crash and other stuff. The Inuit weren't too surprised that a bear had befriended me, and that she had even nursed me. Some of their folklore had similar stories from thousands of years ago. I'm glad that part of my story wasn't used to make fun of me. That the kids believed me with no questions asked, and they knew stuff like Bear nursing me could have actually happened.

I was getting used to school by the time I had been going to the village for a few months. Even the tiny kindergarteners were my friends. Probably because I had a baby. I stopped to talk with them and play with them. Hardly any big kids did that. The little ones would run up to me, and they'd be really happy to see me. The grade-schoolers made my day so many times, just by being genuinely happy to see me too. I just love little children, they don't know how to put on a front until the world has hurt them. That's one thing that makes them so precious.

After I went to school for about six months, Ben and I had a talk that would improve the school and all the children's learning ability far more than we could have ever expected.

I begin one day to complain to Ben, that the children had old outdated books and not even enough books to go around. They had to take turns using study books. Our poor teachers taught lessons in tandem.

I said to him, "I don't want to give the money for books and supplies, but can you do it? Try to give everything anonymously. That way they won't think anything of it. I don't want anyone to know it was me and or us, there is enough weirdness about me already."

"Certainly, I'll do it as soon as possible. No one will find out. What kind of supplies will be good?"

"Well, we need to have the teachers choose, but I want them to have some state of the art computers. Anything else doesn't matter, just so there is enough of everything, for everybody, especially computers. All these children won't have a chance without the bare necessity of learning computers. Oh, thank you Ben!" Then I gave him a big hug to go with the thanks.

And soon it all happened. Just like that. No voting, no arguing, no tax, and no fuss, just it got done. No one ever found out that we funded the schools new materials and computers. Except one old friend of Ben's on the school board who Ben swore to secrecy. It all made me real happy. My idea is if you give something away, just give it away and never say anything about it, or it doesn't count. Bragging doesn't count for anything.
Chapter Nineteen

Things went along quite smoothly. I was getting on with my life, and I hardly ever thought of Bear and Cub. Not like I did right after I was traumatized by everything that had happened to me. When I first came out of the forest and I was in the hospital, I thought of them constantly. As if they were my real family and humans were the outsiders. It was so odd. Finally the memories faded to being like a dream, kinda transparent in my mind. Not truly real, like it couldn't have been real. I finally came to grips with it all, and then I slowly begin to let it go. But not all, I had to keep some of the magical moments in my mind as long as I lived. That way Bear and Cub would be with me as long as I lived.

~~~***~~~

School, Teddy, Ben, my parents and friends, were all going so well, until one late afternoon on my way home from school.

I was just about home, nearly one mile more, then I'd be home. Some snow was falling and right out of the blue a giant grizzly jumped out of the woods and onto the snowmobile as fast as lightening. He pounced on top of the machine and on top of me too, I had my animal tazer gun in my gloved hand at my readiness.

Each second when I was driving alone, coming back and forth to school, I always had the only weapon I'd ever use against any animal in my hand. I knew the tazer wouldn't kill or even hurt the animal all that much. It was practical to just drive with it in my hand.

The bear gave a resounding, low, rumbling, growl, then his huge mouth bit into the plastic of my helmet, trying to get at me. At the same time I did manage to tazer him, but it seemed to barely stun him. My heart was beating like mad and I knew all he had to do was take any part of my body into his massive mouth, bite down and I'd be gone. Teddy swam before my eyes, as did dear Ben, Mama and Daddy.

Soon, another huge brown giant came into my view and wrestled the attacker away from me. I got up and away, hiding behind a large cedar tree first, then I tried to find a small tree to climb. It had been a long time since my scampering up trees days. I did find one and up I went, while both bears fought hard. Clawing, growling low and fierce against each other. I watched in wonder for just a few seconds.

Then I fished my cell phone out of my zippered pocket and it wasn't easy, with gloves on and my fingers were so cold. We had preset my phone to call Ben's number with the press of one button for an emergency just like this one.

I heard Ben's voice and said with a shout, "Ben, help, bear! One mile out!"

Hearing a faint reply,

"Ok, honey, hang on, I'm coming."

I watched the big she bear fighting the bear who attacked me. I knew it was Bear, my bear. Over to the side, I saw Cub waiting for her, patiently. Yes, it was Cub all right, I just about cried with disbelief, fear and happiness.

I wanted to shout, "Bear, Bear, please be careful." But I silently watched, scared up in the swaying little fir.

Now the largest animal sauntered away with one last snarl, like he was back talking to Bear as he wandered out of sight. It seemed like he didn't want to be bothered. Neither bear was really hungry. Wintering for them hadn't started yet. Soon they would be hibernating. Bear came straight over to the little spindly evergreen tree that I had been grasping about ten feet up. It was as if she welcomed me. Cub came too.

There we were beside the road, with a really wonderful reunion together. I got down, stood on the ground next to Bear and Cub. They weren't aggressive at all. They didn't touch me, but it looked like they would'a snuggled me, or kissed me, if they could have or knew how to do it. I was so grateful I just about cried. I, too wanted to reach out and hug them, but we waited a measured distance away from one another, looking at each other, remembering and caring.

I heard the snow mobile machine coming. It stopped a ways from me, Ben was quietly trying to see what was happening. He knew to walk towards us and not to scramble in clambering with loud noises. He saw me close to Bear and Cub. I put my two fingers up to my mouth in a whispering motion for him to "be quiet." He did. To his amazement he watched what he would call later, the best show on earth. First seeing that I wasn't hurt, taking his cell phone out, then quietly took pictures of all three of us, Bear, Cub, and myself. Finally remembering he could take a video from his cell phone, he did.

Ben took a video of both bears looking, standing, sniffing and looking so "other worldly," within inches of me. The video lasted a good twenty minutes until it was just about too dark to run the camera. He walked back to his lighted snow machine and waited for me to walk back to him. He had already turned his snow mobile around heading towards home.

I told Bear and Cub: "I love you both so much, I will never forget you. Please come see me anytime you want. Thank you for protecting me today. You probably have done so many times, running along the trail out of sight, with me...back and forth to and from school. Be safe, Bear, thank you for giving me life, when I had none to keep me going on my own. Oh, yes, and by the way, Bear, I have a baby of my own now too. You nourished this little human baby of mine through me, for me. Thank you again, Bear. I gotta go now, take care always."

I waved to Bear, got in beside Ben, he turned around looking back on the path where the two bears stood looking at us, and then we started for home.

Ben couldn't say a word, only, "We will come get the other snow-mobile tomorrow when it's light, Jada."

We went the rest of the way home, then drove behind the back of the house, which was close to the big fence. I ran to the back of the open garage where we parked sometimes, and stood there looking towards the big fence.

There came Bear and Cub, running beside the fence all along the length of our compound, looking over toward the house where I was standing. I ran the distance of about fifty feet back to the fence. Then up to the fence they came running. I could feel their breath on my skin, they were so close.

Sticking my hand out and through the fence wires, I touched Bear's shagged, dark brown, thick coat. I patted her and ran my fingers closer into the great matting of her fur. Cub came over close to the fence, too. He leaned against it, and I reached down to put my hand on his head. He had grown so much over the year we had been apart. Still so cute, still babyish though.

Bear, with her head turning so I could scratch and pet her on her great hump, stood up closer to the fence. She then turned her head and looked at me, not bothering to eat me...as usual, just to love me and take care of me...as usual. My heart was full and overflowing. I had finally gotten to see and be with "my" bears.

~~~***~~~

Both bears came to visit just about every day. When they didn't come, I imagined them to be down at the river fishing for salmon, just like when I used to live with them.

I'd be at the dining room table, gazing toward the back of the property and all at once, there they would be. The first time I took Teddy with me, was a wonderful reunion. It was like Bear had known all along I had been pregnant at the time she took me in and under her wing, I mean paw.

She stood up to her full height, over six feet, and gave a great gruff hoorah upon seeing Teddy. Cub ran as close to him as possible with the fence between us all. Teddy, so fast, stuck his hand through the strong wires to touch Cub. My heart skipped a beat, then Cub licked Teddy's little tiny hand. I think Cub knew Teddy was a baby like him. Teddy, petting Cub, gave out a loud hoot, his cooing and laughing coming from his deepest Self. Both babies, enjoyed themselves so much, and so did us two mothers. We stood back admiring our children, having fun right along with them.

Up sauntered Ben. He asked me if I really thought it was safe. I nodded yes, not wanting to break the spell. Ben said he would like to show us something. It was the most amazing thing too, and it showed me how much faith Ben now placed in Bear and Cub. You might say even trust and faith in everything I had told him about the two animals.

Ben said, "Come with me, Jada and Teddy. I want to see if I am right about these bears."

Then he hurried along the fence all the way to the front of the property up to the gate. Before the bears could get there.

Ben said, "Stay inside, I have to show Bear something." Then he went through the automatic gate, it closed securely behind him.

Teddy and I waited to see what was going to happen. We were both excited.

The bears ran up to Ben. They didn't molest him in any way, they just stopped back a ways watching him. He stood by the automatic thingy that has to be pushed to open the gate. He pressed the open pad, just like electric doors for disabled persons, then the gate opened up. Ben walked through, then the gate swung shut. We all were gazing at each other when Cub came over to the automatic thing. He waited for his mother to come to let him in. She trotted to the opener, stood on three legs and pressed the button with her front paw. The gate opened.

Bear and Cub ran into the yard before the gate closed shut again. It was a long minute that both bears looked at us all. Bear ran over to me. Getting as close as possible. I put my arms out, embraced her as well as a human can hug a bear. Cub was next. I got down on one knee and hugged the little Sweet heart with a tight squeeze. Neither one of the bears were aggressive in the least. The next thing that happened was Cub ran to Teddy.

Teddy just recently learned to walk, but not too good yet. He was balanced standing there by himself. Cub ran to him and accidentally knocked him down. Teddy laughed with all his might. Cub, nudged my baby to get up. Teddy turned over on his front and got up on all fours. Then he stood. He put his arms around Cub and laughed with the most joyous sound in the whole world.

Bear was viewing all this, until she came to me. Waited for me to stretch out my hand to her and then she came close, kind of asking for a snuggle.

I noticed Ben taking a video of us all when this was going on. As soon as he got back inside the fence, he had his camera at the ready to film the bears letting themselves inside our fenced acreage. I was so glad he got that on film. We could honestly say it was the first time the bears had seen anyone open the gate. We thought this phenomenal. Before this, humans didn't know bears were so very intelligent.

~~~***~~~

After that first time, often I would look out the window, and there would be Bear and Cub. Ever since they had taught themselves to come inside, they would show up just about every day. It was so joyous for me to see them out there close to our house. They would even lounge over to the side of one field, where they had made a kind of refuge for themselves. Not exactly a den, but a good place to lie down under some big Spruce trees. Kinda hidden from the house. I didn't blame them for wanting some privacy and a place to have all to themselves nearby. Just as I thought within my self, they were part of our family, so I surmised Bear thought that to herself too and made herself at home when in our yard.

Before this time, all I had wanted was to see Bear and Cub one more time. I yearned to know they were still fine and well. Now, seeing them so much was completely satisfying to my Soul.

~~~***~~~

Many summers, we spent together with Bear. She had different cubs over the years. Cub went out on his own after a couple of years. He must have stayed in the vicinity because we saw him off and on. Bear, came to visit us each summer over the next twenty five years. Bear and I were forever friends. Nothing could break our bond. Each of her cubs were introduced to us and she taught them to be gentle with us. Each new cub came around with Bear for two to three years. Many years she gave birth to twins. Out of all the sets of twins one died every so often, making us sad. No negative incident with the bears ever happened. We named each cub. Not knowing if they were male or female was a challenge for naming them. I'm sure we named some of them the wrong gender, but to us, we then knew who we were talking about when we said the name we had given each one.

After high school, I went off to college, hell bent on my field of study to be about bears. I learned of them what our side, that is humans, knew, but I had so much inside information, it was hard not to be bored out of my mind in class. I did learn the instinct for a mother bear to nurse is overwhelming. And that her milk is nine times richer than a human mother's milk. These two facts explained a lot to me about my time spent with them in the den and why my own baby and I were both so healthy coming out of the wilderness after being lost for so long.

I had to often laugh because the professors were trying to explain personalities or habits of bears. In class I was quiet about my experiences, but sometimes the professors would ask me direct questions. I thought they wanted to learn from me as well as me learning from them.

When I was at home in the summer, Bear would come to visit us, usually with a new baby. Of course all winter, we never saw her or any of her cubs. I knew exactly where they were staying, and I knew they were safe. Safe from other human beings who thought them ferocious, and I must admit, most of them probably are, but not our Bear. She was one in a million. With the video Ben took initially and many more, we did prove that bears had extraordinary intelligence. It was already known, but the video amazed everyone; even the experts.

~~~***~~~

All the rest of my life, especially in the public's eye, I was known as the Bear Lady. I remained quite famous. My field of study is known as Ursinologist or Zoologist. Zoology of Alaska, to be exact.

Teddy, didn't understand why people would exclaim over us when they saw us in airports or out in public. He just thought it was because of Bear and Cub visiting us each summer. After Teddy reads this book, he will then know the real reason people call him "Bear Boy". I hope he doesn't mind. I don't think he will, because, like me, he owes his very life to dear Bear. And like me, he loves her and each of her cubs.
Chapter Twenty

I went along with the fame, finally, maturing enough not to be so embarrassed that I was nursed by Bear. I again went on TV programs. Earning more money to create a vast wilderness reserve all around our house and acreage. Making sure that forever the bears and other inhabitants would be relatively safe from humans, making it against the law for trespassing, and of course hunting. We hired a game warden to oversee the land on a regular basis.

Not thinking I deserved to hoard all the money I received just because people were so curious about me, I gave most of it away. Ben, Teddy and I had all the money we needed and or wanted.

I got to donate money to our village. Seeing what alcohol had done to my school mates, their parents and families, I saw to it that a state of the art treatment center was created to help these people get off their terrible merry go round of alcohol and drug addiction. Inuit's are so allergic to it, that it doesn't take much for them to become addicted.

A large community center was built in the village, with two huge heated swimming pools. One deep with a diving board and one shallow for the little ones. Free admission for all. A favorite winter hang out for the villagers.

A new wonderful library. Besides books, CD's, videos, and magazines, the library is an up and coming idea where people can check out items. They can check out sewing machines, shovels, baking dishes, canners, chain saws, regular saws, hammers, lawn mowers and even garden seeds. Just about anything you can think of that a person might need to use, but didn't need on a regular basis. They would have to return most of the items in two weeks, just like books. Or re-check them out if their need of use remained.

The whole town seems like it has a new lease on life. More residents took pride in their homes and each other. Crime has all but disappeared, along with litter and graffiti. It's a great place to call home. The small population is finally stable. Most of the young people are now staying in the village for life, instead of fleeing as soon as possible as in the recent past.

We were able to help the store owners rehabilitate their businesses. Upgrading the buildings and the merchandise gave all of us more pride in the town. Two small grocery stores, one service station and a semi medium sized department store were helped by anonymous donations of money and labor.

I never wanted people to know where the money came from so Ben and I started a town bank. We also started a rumor that people could get really low interest rates on loans. The truth was, there was no interest at all. We never had to deny any loans either. If they got a loan, they paid it back, or maybe not...sometimes even years later it was paid. We didn't care, it was all good.

A new skating rink was created for ice skating during the winter, along with a bowling alley. Free of charge to bowl. Helping people get through the long, dark, cold winter days and nights. The bank paid a fair work wage to people for their work of upkeep, clerking and care taking of all the new developments. This way they had no idea where the money originated from. When we opened the bank, we called it Bank of Oregon, just to confuse the issue. Along with a rumor that some very rich people in Portland wanted to invest in a remote town in Alaska. Sending a muffled message it had something to do with global warming. I didn't really make the connection, but no questions were ever asked of Ben or myself. There was a cottage industry where towns people could work creating new ideas, making and distributing solar energy and other related merchandise. Maybe that is what they meant by working against global warming.

The towns people needed a life outside their homes, so these community upgrades made a difference in mental health too. Alaska's snowy, boring, but beautiful winters were a big cause of depression and alcoholism. The more we all had to do together, the less fighting and less alcoholism occured.

~~~***~~~

My dad kept investing money and making more and more all the time. I finally told him to stop because we didn't need more money.

He again said, "Your crazy Jada, no one can get enough money."

I told him, "I have enough, Teddy and Ben have enough, you just relax and enjoy your retirement years."

As far as I know he is doing just that now, but his many investments of my millions will just grow and grow. My mom, is at our house more often than not now, finally not worrying about money, she doesn't have to work at a job anymore, just being herself: a great mom and a wonderful grandmama. She has taken up artistic painting for herself too.

In fact our house hardly is ever without visitors. Sarah has to get more help in the kitchen on any given week-end. We are never lonely. My little life starting out so terribly turned into a big life, helping literally hundreds and hundreds of people. As long as I don't get egotistical about it, and stay quiet and humble, I am expecting good things for the duration.

~~~***~~~

The downed airliner was found. All the bones of the dead passengers were sent to their various places of residence and finally laid to rest. Many of the family members thanked me personally, because I couldn't really relax in my own skin until that wreck was located and delt with.

Ben and I flew over and over the massive area, until one mid morning we thought we saw a flash of metallic colored debris. We noted the spot then called authorities with the location of what looked like debris. Finally, search and rescue had a pin pointed area to look for the lost plane. It was found within a week of us spotting what we thought was a piece of the plane. It was.

The only one there was no trace was Guy. Bear drug him off and other animals must have strewn his remains around. When Guy fell out of the tree, we had been far away from the plane crash site. So his remains wouldn't have been located anywhere near the area where the rest of the passengers were found.

When I study Teddy, his demeanor, his face and build, I try to check if I can see any of Guy's looks about him. Of course I know there is, but he looks so much like my dad when he was younger that it's not even funny.

Not giving Teddy a dad kinda made me nervous, but he has had lots of men in his life. Especially Ben and it has more than made up for the real dad Teddy never got to have in his life.

One day when Teddy was about twelve, I said, "I'm sorry honey, I couldn't give you a real daddy for your life."

He responded, "Mama, I'm sorry you didn't get a real husband either."

I thought that was the sweetest thing a young boy could ever say to his mama, in view of everything that has happened. After he reads this book he will know the real truth of why everything came about. I wish I could spare him the truth, but he has probably guessed, or read something of his origins by now. I hope I am the one that tells him through him reading this book is my way of giving him the entire, true story. This way most, or I hope all, of his questions will be answered in a straight forward way.

Over the years, I have liked first a boy here and there, and then finally a man, but after that one terrible experience I feel marriage was ruined for me. Forever. At least sex was ruined for me. It never failed that when I got close to anybody, my heart would beat wildly, and I would have a complete flashback of Guy raping me in that dark wilderness those many years ago. It surely seemed I would be disabled for life by his ten minutes of pleasure. Taking advantage of me, truly changed my chances of normalcy and of any chance of happiness like most people get to experience happiness.

Brian Eastman, our architect's younger brother, and I dated for about a year. If you can call me living in Alaska and him living in New York dating. We did get together about six times in that year, and we texted, phoned, and skyped, trying to stay close. Nothing could gel though, I have this fear of intimacy that feels like it will never leave me.

The rape took a terrible toll on the rest of my life. Even though I could still fall madly in love, there's time, because I'm still living. I do have hope, but right now I don't think I'm missing anything. I feel so happy with things the way they are and the way they have been for years. Actually, I'm fulfilled and content. Being able to help other people to better their lives has made up for a lot of sexual and relationship happiness, that maybe could have been there for me. If I was poor, and not able to help people, I'd probably be needy and try to get any guy to fill my inside feelings of emptiness.

~~~***~~~

I didn't know it, but the last time I saw BEAR alive would look like any other day, just the usual things happening. Nothing memorable about it at all, until it was all over, etched on my brain forever and ever.

As was our way, we, most week-ends, had company visiting us from far and wide. Most of them had stayed the night in our home, but some were from the town that was close by. We were getting ready to have a picnic outside, because it was summertime. Barbequing hamburgers, hotdogs and the like. There were about eight people in the yard, when I saw Bear and two of her cubs trotting up beside the fence to the front automatic gate.

If we didn't want Bear inside, there was a way we were able to block the gate so that it would stay locked. No one could enter, then. If they were a human, they had to use the intercom, and then we'd let them through by remote control. This is what I did when visitors came, because I wasn't sure how Bear could or would handle a crowd of other people besides us. She learned to not come to the gate if strange, (to her), people were about. She would still come visit, but stay at the back outside the fence, all the other times when she saw people besides our family in the yard.

Not this time though. Bold as can be, she marched to the front of the property up to the gate as fast as she could trot. Pressed the touch pad, and then slowly looking around, sauntered inside.

"Oh, no, Ben, I didn't lock the front gate!" I yelled, " Bear's inside the fence. What should we do?"

"Whatever you do, don't panic. Everyone get under the carport area. Be on the ready to go inside the house at a second's notice!" Ben yelled really loudly so everybody could hear him.

Bear and her two little cubs were just about up to Ben and myself when I called to her, "Bear! What do you want, you can't visit today!"

She was looking at me, and it seemed like her eyes were intense, but sad. I was beyond where Ben was standing. Now, she was adjacent to Ben, and it looked like she paused, stopped, looked at him, and it seemed like she was going to lunge at him.

Ben yelled, "Get the gun!"

I think he was yelling to me, or actually, to anybody that could hear him, and especially to those that were inside the carport watching quietly.

My mind went blank.

"Get the gun!" he said again.

How could he say that? This was Bear, my Bear. She wasn't going to hurt anyone.

I yelled back, "No, no. No gun!"

Bear looked like she stumbled instead of lunged. By now she was practically on top of Ben. So heavy, she made Ben fall down. Her one leg on top of Ben's torso, now.

"Oh my God!" I screamed, running over to Bear, while her cubs stood looking on. Dismayed.

She had fallen. Ben wriggled out from under her heavy leg.

He looked down on her and spoke kindly and softly to me, "Bear looks like she is in very great difficulty, honey."

"What does that mean?"

"Well, she's in distress, she's dying, by the looks of it. Maybe a heart attack. After all she is pretty old, Jada, honey. I think we should go inside the house and take everyone with us, so she can go in peace."

I cried, "No never, Ben. I can't leave her alone at a time like this. You go in. I'm staying here. Get all the others in. I want privacy with Bear. Please go, please, Ben."

He left us. As he turned one last time to make sure I was safe, and wishing Bear good bye, he said to her out loud, with a little bow: "Namaste'." Which means: I behold the Great Spirit within you.

I could just see in Bear's eyes giving the salutation back to Ben. And then to me. Her great, beautiful, dark brown eyes intent upon my face.

I said out loud, "Bear, I love you. I have loved you for just about both our entire lives. I wish you well and God speed. Dear, dear, Bear, Namaste', I say this to you with all my heart and Soul, forever and ever."

By now she was laying on her side. Her cubs looked like they knew what was happening. They just stood there staring at their mother with sad, big eyes. I was glad they looked weaned, or at least big enough to actually be weaned.

Back to Bear's sweet face. Her eyes begin to lose the life glow, and to dim. I knew then it was really the end. No amount of care or love was going to keep her here with me in the physical sense.

I realized all our experiences we had together was the only thing that was going to keep her with me and me with her. You might call it Love, or you might call it memories. Whatever you call it, I knew there would never ever be another bear like Bear.

###
About the Author

Winona Wendy Joy was raised along with five sisters in Portland, Oregon. For the majority of her life she has lived in the Northwest and Hawaii. Recently, she and the love of her life, author/writer David Seed have retired to the beach at Lincoln City, Oregon.

Winona and David enjoy walking on the beach and giving service to their community.

BEAR is the fourth inspirational book Winona has written.

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