You know what I do, though. I do have an
ego, but I get little boosts.
Little ego boosts in my day-to-day life.
like those little moments - like you ever
use a big word in a conversation
and you can tell that the person you're
talking to is impressed by it?
I live for that shit. When you can tell
they're like, "Oh,
I didn't know he knew that word. Okay."
I'm not talking about going too big, by
the way. You know these people who go way
too big
trying to impress you. Like I'll never
forget one time, my buddy came up to me. He was like, "Hey, you seen Cheryl?"
And I was like, "No, what's up with Cheryl?"
He was like, "Oh, she just looks really
lugubrious lately."
And then of course I had to ask him. And
that's what he wanted, right. And I was
like, "What's lugubrious mean?" He was like, "Oh, sad. Cheryl seems really sad."
I was like, "Just say sad then. That's fine.
Right now you seem like a lugubrious
sack of shit, you know."
No, I'm talking that perfect big word.
There's rules, by the way, if you're going
to use a big word.
One of them is if you use a big word
and you feel like it didn't get the
response you were looking for,
move on, you know. Don't use it again a
couple minutes later. We heard it the
first time. Totally takes away from the
impressiveness of the first time
when you go back to it. I fell
asleep on the couch one night watching
like a panel show. There's like a host, a
couple guests.
And I was kind of half asleep and the
first guest came in and she came in hot.
Like right away, her first sentence, she
was like, "Well you know, America's always been at the vanguard of democracy."
And I like woke up. I was like, "Vanguard? That's a good word right there."
Not too big. It's only two syllables, but
it packs a punch.
Van. Guard. What a word
I was impressed. Not even two minutes
later, she was talking about something else
and she was like, "Well, you know she's
always been at the vanguard of feminism."
And I was like, "Eehhhh.
Vanguard again? Poor lady only knows one big word."
It's a shame. I'm talking when you use
that perfect big word. Not too big, but
it's so - -
I was bowling with a buddy, right.
He had one of those amazing shots where it almost went into the gutter, curved,
came back, strike. It was beautiful.
He was jacked up. He was walking back to me
and he was like, "Woo!"
Like all pumped and I was like, "Man, that
was an amazing shot. For a second there,
you were right on the precipice."
And, uh, it made an impact.
He didn't say anything but I could tell
he was like, "Oh shit. Okay. Precipice. Alright"
We moved on, I got the ego boost. It was a beautiful moment.
But my problem is after I use a big word,
I get real possessive.
I feel a sense of ownership. If i'm
talking to you and I use a big word
and I can tell it made an impact on you,
I don't want to hear you using that word.
Not for the rest of the time we're
hanging out. If i run into you in the
next couple weeks, I don't even want to
hear you using my word.
Because I bowled my turn, I'm walking
back, and there were these two girls in
the lane beside us talking to my friend.
As i'm walking up, I hear them talking
and my buddy's like talking to these girls. They're like,
"We saw that shot. That was a really nice
shot you had."
And he's like, "Oh thanks. For a second, I
was worried because I was right on the precipice."
I was like, "What the f$%&?"
I was like, "Hey man, can I talk to you for
a second over here?"
He was like, "What's up?" I'm like, "What's up!? You're using 'precipice' now?
You didn't even know that word five
minutes ago, dude."
He was like, "I did too." I'm like, "You did
not." He's like, "I did too. Stop admonishing me."
"That's my bad. That's on me. I didn't
realize i was talking to a fellow
sesquipedalian over here. My bad."
And he said, "Indubitably." I was like, "Relax. Relax.
It's only me and you."
A sesquipedalian, by the way, is
someone who likes using big words.
Feel free to use that one at a party if
you feel like losing a few friends.
It's a good one for that
