>> James: WELCOME BACK, LADIES
AND GENTLEMEN, BOYS AND GIRLS
THRK EVENING'S ROLE CALL WILL BE
A CELEBRATION OF THE FILM CAREER
THE ONE, THE ONLY JULIA ROBERTS.
(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)
HOW ARE YOU DOING, JULIA, ARE
YOU GOOD.
>> I'M GOOD.
>> James: YEAH?
HOW ARE YOU FEELING? ARE YOU
READY TO DO THIS?
>> IS AS READY AS I'M GOING TO
GET.
>> James: WELL THEN, WE SHALL
BEGIN.
7
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
>> James: I'M FROM NOTTING HILL,
YOU'RE FROM BEVERLY HILLS.
EVERYONE IN THE WORLD KNOWS WHO
YOU ARE, MY MOTHER HAS TROUBLE
REMEMBERING MY NAME.
>> I'M ALSO JUST A GIRL,
STANDING IN FRONT OF A BOY,
ASKING HIM TO LOVE HER.
( DING )
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
SLIDE!
WELCOME TO MY CLASS: THE HISTORY
OF ART.
( DING )
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
YOU'RE A GREAT STUDENT, LARRY
CROWNE.
>> James: WELL THANKS, MISS
TAINOT.
( DING )
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
MARRY ME?
>> NOPE.
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
>> James: ARE YOU SURE?
>> YEAH.
( DING )
>> James: DRINK YOUR JUICE.
SHELBY, DRINK YOUR JUICE.
>> STOP IT, MAMA.
>> James: SHELBY, DRINK THE
JUICE.
>> NO!
STOP IT, MAMA!
>> James: SHELBY, DRINK THE
JUICE.
>> IF YOU DON'T LEAVE ME ALONE,
I'M GONNA LEAVE.
>> James: OH, I'D LOVE TO SEE
YOU TRY.
COOPERATE PLEASE!
( DING )
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
>> CHARLIE, WHY IS THE C.I.A.
RUNNING A FAKE WAR IN
AFGHANISTAN?
>> James: YOU MAY BE THE SEXIEST
WOMAN EVER.
I'M NOT KIDDING.
>> ARE YOU PATRONIZING ME?
( DING )
>> James: HONEY, YOU'D DO JUST
FINE IF YOU JUST USED YOUR HEAD
A LITTLE MORE.
>> I'M NOT GONNA BE SLINGING
PIZZA FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE.
>> James: THE BEST PIZZA!
( DING )
SO HERE'S THE BUFFET!
WHAT'S GOING ON?
>> YOU KNOW THE EXPRESSION,“
FALLING OFF THE WAGON, LEE?”
THIS IS WHAT IT LOOKS LIKE.
>> James: DOES THIS HAVE
SOMETHING TO DO ABOUT GWEN?
>> OF COURSE NOT.
I LOVE EVERYTHING ABOUT MY
SISTER.“
KIKI?
KIKI-KINS?
I SMELL SMOKE? IS SOMEONE
SMOKING? STOP THEM KIKI, STOP
THEM.”
MORE BUTTER PLEASE!
( DING )
I'VE EITHER BEEN WITH A GUY OR
BREAKING UP WITH A GUY.
I HAVE NOT GIVEN MYSELF TWO
WEEKS OF A BREATHER TO JUST DEAL
WITH, YOU KNOW, MYSELF.
>> James: PREACH!
( DING )
♪ ♪ ♪
>> I DON'T WANT TROUBLE.
>> James: I'M NOT TROUBLE.
>> YOU'RE TAKEN.
>> James: I'VE GOT TO SEE YOU.
>> TOUGH.
>> James: YOU KISSED ME.
>> WHAT ARE YOU, TWELVE?
♪ ♪ ♪
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
( DING )
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
♪ ♪ ♪
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
>> James: HELLO, CAN I HELP YOU?
>> I WAS IN HERE YESTERDAY, YOU
WOULDN'T WAIT ON ME.
>> James: OH.
>> YOU PEOPLE WORK ON
COMMISSION, RIGHT?
>> YEAH.
>> James: BIG MISTAKE.
BIG.
HUGE.
I HAVE TO GO SHOPPING NOW.
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
( DING )
HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY!
( DING )
HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY!
( DING )
( LAUGHS )
>> I NEVER WANTED TO BE A
MOTHER.
DON'T YOU GET IT?
LOOK DOWN THE ROAD TO HER
WEDDING.
I'M IN A ROOM ALONE WITH HER,
FIXING HER VEIL, FLUFFING HER
DRESS.
AND MY FEAR IS SHE'LL BE
THINKING, “I WISH MY MOM WAS
HERE.”
>> James: AND MINE IS... SHE
WON'T.
( DING )
>> YOU ARE NOT UGLY.
>> James: WAIT, WHAT?
WHO THINKS I'M UGLY?
>> NO, JAMES. I'M DOING A SCENE
FROM MY NEW FILM, "WONDER."
>> James: WELL I HAVEN'T SEEN IT
YET.
WHEN DOES IT COME OUT?
>> "WONDER" WILL BE IN THEATRES
EVERYWHERE NOVEMBER 17TH!
( DING )
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
IT WOULD WARM MY ANCIENT HEART
IF YOU COULD ACCEPT THIS MODEST
GIFT ON YOUR WEDDING DAY.
>> James: THAT'S VERY KIND OF
YOU.
>> JUST ONE BITE FOR GOOD
FORTUNE.
TO THE FAIREST OF THEM ALL.
( DING )
ONE-ONE-THOUSAND, TWO-ONE-
THOUSAND, THREE-ONE-THOUSAND,
BREATHE!
( DING )
>> James: TINK!
TINK!
>> I'M COMING PETER!
>> James: TINK!
( LAUGHS )
>> SAY IT, PETER.
SAY IT AND MEAN IT.
>> James: I BELIEVE IN FAIRIES!
>> YOU KNOW THAT PLACE BETWEEN
SLEEP AND AWAKE?
THAT PLACE WHERE YOU STILL
REMEMBER DREAMING?
THAT'S WHERE I'LL ALWAYS LOVE
YOU... PETER PAN.
>> James: I'LL NEVER GROW UP!
( LAUGHS )
( DING )
I'VE NEVER MET A SPIDER BEFORE.
SO YOU EAT FLIES?
( LAUGHS )
>> NO, I DRINK THEIR BLOOD.
( DING )
>> James: LET'S BE HONEST HERE.
$20 MILLION DOLLARS IS MORE
MONEY THAN THESE PEOPLE HAVE
EVER DREAMED OF.
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
>> OH, SEE, NOW THAT PISSES ME
OFF.
THEY MAY NOT BE THE MOST
SOPHISTICATED PEOPLE BUT THEY DO
KNOW HOW TO DIVIDE AND $20
MILLION ISN'T CRAP WHEN YOU
SPLIT IT BETWEEN THEM.
SO BEFORE YOU COME BACK HERE
WITH ANOTHER LAME ASS OFFER, I
WANT YOU TO THINK REAL HARD
ABOUT WHAT YOUR SPINE IS WORTH.
BY THE WAY, WE HAD THAT WATER
BROUGHT IN SPECIALLY FOR YOU
FOLKS.
CAME FROM A WELL IN HINKLEY.
( DING )
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
>> James: WANT TO TALK ABOUT THE
BRIEF?
>> EVERYONE I'VE TOLD ABOUT THE
BRIEF IS DEAD
>> James: I'LL TAKE MY CHANCES.
( DING )
I CAN'T LIVE WITHOUT YOU AND I
WON'T LET YOU LIVE WITHOUT ME.
>> COME QUICKLY, I JUST KILLED
AN INTRUDER!
( DING )
>> James: MARY REILEY.
MARY REILEY.
( DING )
♪ ♪ ♪
>> WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
>> James: I'M BEING GEORGE
CLOONEY.
( LAUGHS )
COFFEE, TEQUILA, A COUPLE OF
>> YOU'RE A THIEF AND LIAR.
>> James: I ONLY LIED ABOUT
BEING A THIEF.
( DING )
>> I LOVE YOU.
I'VE LOVED YOU FOR NINE YEARS.
I REALLY HAVE THIS GIGANTIC
FAVOR TO ASK OF YOU.
CHOOSE ME.
M-MARRY ME.
LET ME MAKE YOU HAPPY.
>> James: THE MOMENT I WAKE UP
♪ BEFORE I PUT ON MY MAKEUP
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
I SAY A LITTLE PRAYER FOR YOU.
>> WHILE COMBING MY HAIR NOW
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
♪ AND WONDERING WHAT DRESS
TO WEAR NOW I SAY A LITTLE
♪ PRAYER FOR YOU.
FOREVER AND EVER, YOU'LL STAY IN
♪ MY HEART AND I WILL LOVE YOU
TOGETHER, FOREVER, THAT'S HOW IT
♪ MUST BE TO LIVE WITHOUT YOU
WOULD ONLY MEAN HEARTBREAK
♪ FOR ME.
>> James: LADIES AND GENTLEMEN!
THE STUNNING JULIA ROBERTS!
COME ON BACK!
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
♪ ♪ ♪
♪ ♪ ♪
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
WHAT ABOUT THAT, JULIA ROBERTS,
EVERYBODY.
(APPLAUSE)
