-Everyone's still talking
about Ted Cruz's tweet where
he challenged actor Ron Perlman
to a wrestling match --
but not with himself.
Ted wants Perlman to wrestle
Congressman Jim Jordan.
It seems pretty wild that Cruz
is challenging actors
to fight other politicians,
but he's not backing down.
In fact, he just released
this video statement.
-Hi. I'm Ted Cruz, the Senate's
wettest-looking man.
I recently tweeted
at Ron Perlman...
Well, I'm just
gettin' started, Hollywood.
Open your ears, Terminator 2.
I know you seem tough when you
have your big-boy sunglasses
and your movie-magic metal face.
But how about you come on down
to my backyard
and see if you can suplex
Mitch McConnell?
I have two Marie Callender
gift cards that says you can't.
Peep this, either Hobbs or Shaw.
You may seem tough as nails
with your tummy full
of Hollywood frappuccinos,
but all the Starbucks in
the world ain't gonna help you
when I make you
bare-knuckle Mitt Romney
and his five adult sons.
I got two sand dollars
and a bag full of mulch
that says
you don't stand a chance.
Check this, Machete.
I know you spent some time
in prison back in the day,
but my boy Tom Cotton went
somewhere way worse -- Harvard.
And I'll bet you
half a tube of Pringles
and three soy-sauce packets
he's gonna be
givin' you the business
with that long
pool-noodle body of his.
So get ready, Hollywood,
because you're about to face off
against the toughest guys yet --
Republican lawmakers
who aren't me.
Please don't hit me!
