

AWARENESS 101

(THE BEGINNING)

By

Terence E. Dean

Published by Terence E. Dean at Smashwords

Copyright ©2014 by Terence E. Dean
Smashwords Edition, License Notes

Thank you for downloading this ebook. This book remains the copyrighted property of the author and may not be redistributed to others for commercial or non-commercial purposes. If you enjoyed this book, please encourage friends to download their own copy.

Special Thanks You: To _Ursula_ without you this book would have never been possible. Also a thank you to all the friends and family that inspired this work. _Esp..Roz and Silvia_

Cover photo credit

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TABLE OF CONTENTS

Chapter 1: Peace, Love and Joy

Chapter 2: Awareness 101

Chapter 3: The Newcomer

Chapter 4: The Magnificent and Incredible Mind

Chapter 5: The Beginning

Chapter 6: A Student

Chapter 7: Coming into Awareness

Chapter 8: Thought, Thinking and Self

Chapter 9: What Is This Thing Called Awareness?

Chapter 10: Awaken!

Chapter 11: The Repetitive and Redundant

Chapter 12: Observing, Watching and Listening

Chapter 13: Attention

About the Author
Chapter 1

Peace, Love and Joy

In what one would call the spiritual community, awareness or being aware, is proclaimed by many to be a necessity in living a fulfilling life. A fulfilling or rich life one of peace, love and joy. It's one where you can find a complete, happy and meaningful life. Within this proclamation though, is a standard of telling us how or a formula provided to produce this awareness. Techniques or practices done repetitiously and ritualistically until eventually obtaining the result you desire. Along with this also are many claims and testimonies of deep experiences offered for proof for those willing to sacrifice.

Whether their practices and methods to be aware produces the actual desired or just a resemblance of, comes under question. The author would dare not to speculate on this because it usually only leads to argument and disagreement where nothing productive comes out of it. Speculating on what others experience, how they feel about and perceive their lives is proven to be a dead end street. Because some people lose touch with reality trying to replicate a past experience. Others can get used to incredibly ugly and sick situations then they say they are happy or content. So trying to imitate, comparing yourself or get what others say they have could be a very stupid act. The experiences, claims and testimonies of others have very little meaning if you really look at it, anyway. They become a crutch that helps and validates the set pattern you already follow or accept. There is even less importance, especially when we take full responsibility for our own individual transformation.

What the author will not hesitate in stating, from hearing some of things communicated about awareness, much of it is rather childish and juvenile. Some well-known teachers and so-called experts in this area have some practices or methods that border on the "art of illusion making." Systems you follow that are said to produce a heightened awareness or immaculate experience, which are to transcend our lives out of the mediocrity and mundane. Their goal is somehow to be achieved through suppression, repression or manipulation of mind and thinking. Thought and thinking being the maker of all illusion is pressured to create what it knows best. To capitulate and make the best of illusion, image or delusion is within the very nature of the brain. By doing what some of the authorities say to do and thinking what is pushed upon you to think, is a hurt to the human spirit. There would be no possible way to have peace, love and joy except in a dream world, this is injurious to the heart. It appears that this intelligent action of awareness has been turned into some kind of circus show. But, we shall not let the side show antics deter us. If we can look maturely, logically and reasonably at this movement, then possibly the truth of it may appear to us.

The author making such a comment on the distorting methods and ideas does not want to imply that he is some kind of superior expert. Nor suggesting that he knows more than them, has some special gift or any of that other foolishness. It is just some of the things practiced or their methods are imagination and fantasy. If you have ever been on a serious spiritual journey and experimented with what others say to do, many of these are much the same. Most of the techniques they give to practice, you have probably already tried doing at some time in the past. It is almost identical when they tell you to visualize, control thought and deny yourselves. They have just been repackaged to look different and then given another name.

Awareness is about awakening to the false, our conditioned state of mind and the habits in our lives. These are things that bind or block us from the freedom to live in peace, love and joy. Once you are aware of the false, conditioning and habits we can intelligently let those things go. The letting go of this old or false allows something new to happen. Our current state though is one of assuming, presuming or drawing conclusions regarding what we think is the positive. Which is just another trap of self, an alluring snare which catches many unsuspecting people. Where the trap is, if something sounds good and is pleasurable enough it has to be true, it serves to capture the seeker. When the so-called negative, the reality or our actual daily life is never even thought about and challenged. So, we ask, what is this thing called Awareness?

Approaching awareness in an investigative way means we have to begin as if we know nothing about it. Neither do we want to just accept what others have said or even the author's conclusion on it, if he had one. Because all of us could be just be repeating something that we have heard or imagined. So, without the past influencing us, we will look at this question anew and with fresh eyes. Not even knowing what the word awareness means to begin at the basic level. Where looking the word up in the dictionary seems to be the best option. In the dictionary you see that there is profound meaning given to it. Attached to it are words like consciousness, cognizant and understanding. Which are cornerstones to our existence as spiritual and thinking human beings. Without any one of these processes, it would make us lower than the animals.

Just by the mere definition given, awareness or being aware, is very important to life. How important is it? Look at your life and just see the blatantly destructive and corrupt things we do while being unaware. We hurt people more often, jump to judgments and conclusions when we are cognizant of the fact. We have filthy and obnoxious habits that we are not even conscious of. These examples are just a short list of the obvious ones. Are there many other things not so blatant and obvious? Of course there are. We even created this huge field in the mind for it – it's called the unconscious. This is where we have put much of our painful memories and problematic behavior there, in a place we cannot be aware of it.

We can just accept our state of unawareness and continue to apologize for the hurt you cause or rationalize it as only being human. Being human, yes you will make mistakes. Mistakes that come from the wrong or misinterpreted information, well those can easily be excused. Then there are habitual and compulsive mistakes that we just accept or tolerate. The problem is not the making of mistakes, but that these are repetitious and continuous acts that we do not take the time to inquire into. Acts in which we have no real willingness or seriousness to change, but only give "lip service." Just wishing, asking for forgiveness or praying as if a problem was not there, is no solution. To take the "right action", and actually changing things is the greatest form of repentance. (Just in case you have difficulty with the last statement). Anyway, let us take a look at lying, it is such a problem for some to compulsively lie.

There are those who feel powerless over this compulsive behavior. Before they even realize it, the lie is out of their mouths. Unless you have deceived yourself about this behavior so thoroughly that you can't see the negative consequences, then it becomes imperative to change. We can ignore, pass it off as a moral defect, forget about that you do lie and say I will do better, or we can act. But, all the time in between trying stop, you are still lying and causing mischief. What should we do? What is the right action?

First, we have to see there are so many reasons why people do it. It could be insecurity, desiring attention or fear. To analyze them all would be an endless process which could take years. We do not want to spend a lot of time because you are hurting yourself and others now. Just maybe, the author says there is a way to see some or all the reasons immediately, by giving this a try? One day, when you are sitting quietly, relaxed, when external activity around and about is at a minimum begin asking yourself some questions. Really seriously be attentive to the reactions of the mind trying to uncover the answer. Questions, like, why do I lie? What is it that drives and makes me to do this? Once, you have asked yourself this "stay with the questions", watch the content of thought and thinking as it churns or moves. You may not see all or none of the reasons, but you will understand quite a bit. I think you will be amazed!

As you may begin to see awareness is the beginning of change. You have to be aware or know you have a problem before you can solve it. In writing this, the author has to mention the common practice of admitting or acknowledging one has or are a particular problem. Many addiction programs make the admission and acknowledging a mandatory procedure. There is no intelligence in labeling yourself according to a compulsive behavior in order get freedom from it. Which really makes no sense at all, but people will say and do almost anything if offered a solution from some addictions. The admission or acknowledgment is not the same as awareness.

Addiction is a multifaceted problem containing many conscious and unconscious elements. One of these facets are a programmed or conditioned perception we have of life and living. The issues of pleasure, fear, insecurity and loneliness which all play a role in habitual compulsion. Just admitting or acknowledging you have a problem is like throwing a pebble in the ocean, expecting to make a wave. This isolating or focusing on a single concern plays a very small part, if any in being aware. Awareness is of the whole, if is not then it is concentration. Concentration and awareness are not the same things, so please don't make that mistake. Admitting or acknowledging seems to be just weak attempts at manufacturing a mental sensitivity or consciousness to a situation. To go even a little further into this, who is it that you are admitting and acknowledging to? To the self, who is the problem?

This is our habit though to isolate and concentrate on one particular problem at a time. Try to solve that one difficulty, if we cannot then we move on to the next. When they all are somewhat connected to each other and some even support one another. That is why when you drop one concern, another conflicting issue may just fall away with it. So, that is why we have to look at the whole, by being aware and attentive is the only way to see anything totally.

In the following text you will read much about problems and whether we can solve them or not. It is not that awareness is all about problem-solving and neither is author consumed by the subject. But, it is because we have so many of them. Some we are highly conscious of and others are deep in the unconscious. Yet, we talk about living a fulfilling and a spiritually rich life; which is one of peace, joy and love. Which is actually the only way to really live? How can we have this if we are burdened by many problems?
Chapter 2

Awareness 101

As with many books, the title gives you a general preview of what is to be touched upon. We have gone a little further with it and added a "skill level" needed to comprehend the information to be given. The use of 101 here signifies, as in higher education, the introductory level or basic introduction. What it means to the author is a short insightful presentation to a much more intricate and complex subject. A presentation based in the spiritual, religious or human side of living; which is somewhat intricate in itself. What is just as complex is seeing if the non-spiritual, secular and technological side of life, mesh or incorporate the two together. For the two to be in harmony and wholeness where there is no conflict and contradiction. Our presentation will begin with the human side of living; because the scales are already tipped and over-weighted towards technological.

If previously, you have ever come upon a spiritual or religious presentation, it is usually fraught with bias, belief and theory. With strong implications that this is the absolute truth, so blindly follow and obey. The thought-provoking dissertation they give is more of an orientation than a presentation. In the author's understanding the meaning to present or introduce something, is just to announce. Let whatever you are introducing stand on its own merit. Let it be void of the announcers subjective conclusions, past experiences and opinions. To make sure it's one where the reader freely engages, lives in discovery and challenges through inquiry by using the capacity of their own mind.

On the technological side of life sometimes others conclusions, accounting past experiences and opinions of experts or knowledgeable have great value and much worth. In this arena, modifications and changes come fairly slowly and somewhat gradually. On the human side of living, things modify quickly, intensify abruptly and change frequently. This is life in movement and action, not some static machine to be worked on. So, the mind has to be primed for right action and not sedated by trying to follow and imitate. You have to be totally conscious of a situation first, then the agility of mind for the correct response is there. All the details are in front of you where there is a quickness, decisiveness and correctness. This is preferred over the usual of malingering in the past, flipping between choices or doing the corrupt. This would be completely new operation for the brain for most of us. So, our introduction will exemplify the freedom to engage, discover and inquire on your own. Because then you are on "your toes" and ready for a fresh response. Without such an introduction into awareness, the benefits of it can go unrecognized. We can come to think that being aware is useless, just another authoritarian demand to conform and be mediocre. Without a proper presentation, we could be easily swept away by the many systems of awareness offering tantalizing rewards and visions of utopia.

There is so much mythology and ignorance that surrounds awareness which makes it hard for those with any kind of intellect to begin. Many teachers, gurus and experts that say they know what awareness or mindfulness is, but they have made a monster out it. A monster that tells you to imitate, conform to that ritual or practice this method. Work, effort and more work, you will achieve inner peace, enlightenment or find God. In this, awareness is no fun, but just a means to get to an end. These are the same people who have, "owned and defined," this word awareness in the common spiritual sense or usage of it. So, the act or action of it has gotten a "bad rap." It has been made to look like some strange, mystical and unnatural act.

From this is where many acquire their opinions, beliefs and prejudices about awareness. So much so that many will not even take a first or second look at it. To just condemn something from whatever source you may have heard it, is kind of the way we treat things in life. We have our conclusion or opinion and you can't change it. This is one reason why awareness has been misunderstood. The other rationale is partly due to tradition. Awareness is not seen as a traditional Western principle or way of thinking. So you will very rarely, if ever, see it mentioned in western study and doctrine. It is more attributed to Eastern religion and philosophy. If, something is not "westernized" in some people's standards, then it is readily dismissed. Then, there is the other side of coin, where we have westerners romantically falling for and imitating the eastern culture. Thinking they will reach some kind spiritual ecstasy or righteousness through taking up their ways is folly. Then they dress like, bring their weird practices, ignorant rituals and stupid superstitions over to the west only drawing attention t themselves for the wrong reasons. To where resisting the eastern influence or ideas to a westerner almost appears like common sense.

Western culture is highly mechanized and extremely materialistic inclined living. Where being repetitious is sometimes a sought-after quality and acquiring things as the measure of success. Even the western churches are a product of the same, causing one to search elsewhere for a spiritual reality. As the culture of the East, spiritual and religious tradition is much more prevalent and more openly accepted. Seeking things like inner peace, harmony with nature and spiritual truth is less frowned upon. Overwhelmingly, in the west, it's like these spiritual principles are a "no brainer" or either not very important in the world of commercialism. But, if you really look at it though the Eastern culture has the same problems as the West. They both have their fantastic beliefs, stupid rituals and foolish superstitions.

Back closer to the point, history tells of a great intermingling between cultures where religious ideas were communicated. So, we really do not know exactly if the concept of awareness is east, west, north or south. Because of this denial and separatism author feels he must introduce or re-introduce awareness. Not in a new way or back to some old method of introduction. But, by us looking at it "together" clearly, logically and critically to what we think to be or call awareness.

This book only touches on some of the essentials of awareness and written with newcomers in mind but in saying this superficiality will not be a concern. Sometimes, we will be forced go a little further and deeper than just the basic. Because some things in life we need to think very deeply about and have clarity or be clear. If, we do not go beyond the mere mediocre and common approach to certain issues, we will get the usual answer or not make any sense at all. If you ever get to that point where comprehending is difficult or a struggle with understanding, just relax and let it go. Come back later and then take it on as a challenge! Stay with the movement and let it unfold! This is not theory, philosophy or belief where the consumption of words is supposed to bring about an osmosis. But, you have to actually see it for yourself in real time. The author is writing on things based in or within fact and looking at yourself the way you are. Not, so we can analyze ourselves, because the analyzer is you, one and the same. Or, not according to what the author says or any other person you may think knows.

The writer also would like to say that if you are not a novice when it comes to awareness, do not feel discriminated against. There will be some questions that you have my never asked yourself before or sought to have things explained in a different way. Certainly, you can join with us in Awareness 101. Have some fun with it and let the written word challenge your thinking.

Like the introductory course in college, by getting a taste of the subject you make a decision. You decide to continue in that specific field of study or leave it alone altogether. You question yourself, whether there is the time, interest and drive to finish. Our introduction into awareness is much the same. Down the road you will have to decide whether to continue or not. Whether what you come to understand to be just too much. Or, think it to be some unnecessary nonsense that you will never have any use for. One major difference here is we are entering into a most important field of study. This is the study of life, mind and the possibility of change. That field where we can come upon a better way of living, in the peace, love and joy.
Chapter 3

The Newcomer

If the author were a newcomer or curious to what awareness is, there would some important questions needed to be asked, before proceeding. One example is, "Why should I be aware beyond the daily routine and habit that I am accustomed to?" For what purpose and how shall this be beneficial to me? The author has put these questions to himself, (it would be good if these were your questions also). How the author would answer the first question which will include the second. By stating the most obvious perception is how we will begin. That obvious perception being "Because it is the routine and habit we are accustomed to!"

Our whole life, from morning till night, has been to function on the easiest mental level as we can. This kind of indolent attitude has reduced life to merely existing and a mechanical motion. It is so mechanical for some people that they can perform many of the daily activities in their sleep, literally. Day in and day out, expanding or adjusting within a set pattern, this is what they call life! There can be great comfort, security and pleasure in this pattern, so changing or giving it up is out of the question for many. The idea of a heightened state of awareness will be immediately rejected by some because they are content. Venturing out from what is comfortable and known just seems unnecessary or too fearful of a proposition. Then after rejecting this they have the audacity to think and expect life to reveal something marvelous, holy or offer an exceptional experience. An experience that will give this saddening, miserable and chaotic life some meaning. It never happens while you're living, so then you create a belief or imagination that it will occur after death.

What were pointing out, is not that we have to do routines or repetitive acts, but they are done mechanically and semi-consciously. One part of the mind is on a sort of auto-pilot function performing routine and habit assigned to it. While another fragment of the same brain is captivated by thought and thinking, wanders off in its oblivious ritual. We repeat this sequential operation almost all day long similar to the way a computer functions. There are those who think a brain functioning like as computer a "good " thing. With thinking like that you can invent some new technology or have some worldly successes. Yes, if you have that kind of brilliance and intelligence, it is a great thing. But, you are also a human being. After, those accomplishments, then what is next? You still have your problems of living, relationship, death and fear; which are just few things humans must face.

Your brain is greater than any computer, why reduce it to such? The brain has invented the computer all the technology behind it. A computer can never be alive, truly creative or know anything beyond what it is programmed for. When the brain performs routines and habits unconsciously, it too is operating by programming or conditioning. This is not just the author's supposition, but you can see this for yourself logically and reasonably. This is what we have done to this marvelous brain of ours, relegated it to acting like a computer.

Since we like our brains to be computerized, there is the invention of "good and right" routine or habit. A flow chart or algorithm of must, must not, or should and should not to maintain equilibrium. Something that we can practice and thus fulfill our destinies of acquiring material things, fame, status or whatever else that is considered success. These things, which are actually achievable through being mechanical in process and function, become all important. The problem is that these same tactics are applied to spiritual things in life, which are in total contradiction. What relationship does the spiritual have with mechanical? Can love, truth and compassion ever be a routine or habit?

Obviously, there can be no relationship between the mechanical and spiritual. You either have love, truth, compassion in your heart, mind and spirit or you don't. Thinking what you believe to be love, truth or compassion is not actual and that is all a computerized mind can do. These are living things, vitally alive, changing and creating. Maybe this is why the Christians say, "God is Love?" Because love is alive! We are educated in the mechanical and contradictory way though. In that these living things can be manufactured or cultivated within us. That we can be a part of this tremendous movement through following precepts and by imitating certain actions. The perception of this leads the writer to the next point he would like to make.

When writing about awareness to leave a most important point out, would be inexcusable. In that, being aware is the understanding of (you) or to "know thyself", as the ancient wise men put it. Why is it important that we understand and know ourselves? Of, course one answer for most would be that life revolves around the self. From the self comes all behavior, good or bad. Happiness, pleasure, anger and jealousy begins and ends with self. Secondly, we know nothing of how this me has came about. How was this I was formed? Or are we just been repeating what tradition and society has made of us.? Then still another reason is to find out truly and actually what is beyond the self or me. You have to know yourself first, to clearly see where me ends and the other begins. Surely, we can now see why to "know thyself", is a saying of the wise and has withstood the test of time.

Unless there is awareness, how could you get to know yourself? Through, listening to a lecture or reading the book of some so-called expert telling you about yourself? Accumulating information and consistent reactions about what we have done in the past - is that the way? Or repeating what other experts or scientist have said? That is what most people do and they call it knowing the self. Awareness is your instrument to be the expert now. You are the discoverer and investigator into the self, brain and environment. It could be the instrument of the religious believer who thinks God created the psychological self. By probing with this tool, find out if God made all, or just parts or any of you? And, if God did not create some or none of you, whom and what did? This is your device to explore the deepest parts of the you, I or the me.

These seems like some very important questions in wanting to live a religious life? Ask these questions and investigate instead of just accepting or believing what you have been told. You are the expert and this is your life! You will suffer the miseries, sorrows and pains of it! So why should you not find out for yourself? With the new found instrument used correctly you can get a good look at that which was once secret and hidden. What we have made the secret and hidden, deep down is who we are. The conscious and unconscious beliefs, fears, and pleasures etc. are the psychological you.

When you go beyond customary awareness basically your action is asking a fundamental question of life. In a roundabout way your action is asking if there more to this life than the routine and habit that I live in? When this is a burning question, you will naturally begin to seriously inquire into the accepted and traditional way. The accepted of why one is very happy one moment then terribly depressed the next day? Why this brain that can be clear or logical in the technological area, but become confused and irrational on the human side of living? Tradition of the environment that preaches peace, brotherhood and goodwill towards man, yet always at war, dividing people and constantly seeking power over one another? Awareness is the microscope to observe and watch this chaos, confusion and contradiction. Actually seeing your life and the world as it is. Then, in this courageous observing the possibility of transformation becomes real.
Chapter 4

The Magnificent and Incredible Mind

A fat, gray and green pigeon glides above the budding crab apple trees. The pigeon was loosely clutching a small branch that was almost twice his size. He makes a headfirst dive between some tree branches, where the large twig becomes dislodged and sent crashing to the ground. The noise disturbed the quietness and calm of that cool fall morning. After tumbling a bit, the large twig finally finds a secure resting place. On top of the dry, brittle and multicolor leaves that thickly layered the ground it comes to malingering stop. But, not before the crunching and rattling of leaves starts a chain reaction. The nervous squirrels bolted towards the trees and the cautious sparrows darted quickly for safety. After causing this mass disruption, the busty pigeon did not seem to give his loss another thought. It just pointed its head upwardly and gracefully soared higher and higher.

The pigeon finally reached its destination, which was the ledge of the red brick building nearby. Once on its roost the chubby pigeon began fluffing its blustering wings, where he started prancing and dancing around close to edge. He would occasionally break from his dance peering and staring down below. It was as if he knew someone was watching! That he understood a captivated audience of one was marveling at his amazing flying abilities. The flying demonstration was beauty in action, that no plane or invention of mankind could match.

Moments later, thought switched from pigeons' aerobatics to the incredible workings of the mind.

How incredible that the human brain was able to grasp the feats of pigeon with so much detail in a matter of seconds! The brain is a phenomenal creation, the clarity and clearness it has when just watching or observing. How quickly it analyzed and memorized the gestures, color, flight and form. The whole scenario of action, though short in terms of time, was better than any feature length television show. By seeing what the mind capable of, you can understand how it has built enormous monuments, created beautiful architecture and develops great technology.

The brain is magnificent and incredible creation without a doubt! With all this ability and capacity, it makes you have to ask the question, "With a brain such as this, why has not mankind dramatically or significantly changed psychologically?" We have become a little more civilized and maybe less barbaric in two thousand years, but that is about it. But, we have the same social ills and personal problems as they did in ancient times. This most prolific mind, which is capable of doing so many spectacular and wondrous acts of technologically, but yet is almost paralyzed by the human problems. Why is this so? Why is it that this "Magnificent Mind", has not seen a way to stop wars, end poverty and is even in contradiction with itself? Why has it created such corrupt governments, divided humankind and is self-centered beyond belief? When you look at all the upheaval within this mind, it does not look so "Magnificent and Incredible."

The mind is still magnificent and incredible, so don't fret! We have done a lot of hurting and corrupt things to our self and the mind. We have numbed it with drugs, stupefied it by habits, forced the brain to conform and imitate. With the help of society or "the world" as the co-conspirator we have almost managed to tame this tremendous thing. Almost, is the key word in the previous sentence. This magnificent creation needs freedom to discover truth and that which is beyond it. No matter the restraints that are put upon the brain it always fights to be so, unless we have totally destroyed it. (Hopefully, that is not the case.) It struggles and resists not becoming one dimensional, like we, society and world try to make it. The only objects to rebel at its disposal happen to be emptiness, feelings of isolation and loneliness; the reactions of being separated. That rebellion of the mind holds sorrow and pain, but within the face of that hurting grief, there is light. A small ray of light needed to begin healing and the wiping away of a turbulent past.

That light, which will lead us to salvation, is constantly being blocked and hindered. We have put so much emphasis and energy on growing the intellect that it has become a shield of dominance. While the spiritual dimension of the mind and life is all but neglected or ignored. The intellect is only a part of the brain, but it seems to have risen to govern our compassion, love and relationship. We need the knowledge to do our jobs, earn a degree or to cure cancer. We also are human beings who need to love and be loved. We need to have good relationships, compassion and find out if there is a God for our sake and humanity's benefit also. For the mind, to be totally "Magnificent," this spiritual dimension has to be very important! To be "Incredible" again, it has to be aware that it is conditioned and programmed. Conscious, that fear has "dumbed down this prolific gift", to fit into our little corner the world has made for us. Perceiving all of this, we can begin taking the right action. Where the mind flourishes and sprouts roots in the ground of intelligence and goodness becoming "Magnificent and Incredible."
Chapter 5

The Beginning

By now you may begin to see the way the author explains entering into awareness to be a little different from what you have previously heard. Especially for those who consider themselves knowledgeable in this area. He defines awareness as an energized consciousness, free flowing and effortless. Most who have had some contact with this issue could somewhat agree to the definition. At the next point, I think we would kind of diverge from the typical concept of many others. It may sound similar, but truly it is not the same. They will promise you a spiritual reward or super-experience to be achieved in the end. For being aware that you can experience God, inner peace or become one with the universe. You must practice, suppress and control your mind and then you will arrive. The writer separates himself from all this hogwash.

To be aware or have awareness is such a simple thing in the beginning anyway. We make things harder than they have to be, because part of our conditioning is to struggle or use effort. It is all but written rule, that nothing good comes without fighting, will-power and desire. But, this is just the same old pattern of thinking. A superior fragment of you or the brain is to overcome the lower by force and suppression. All to become something other than that which you are. This is sometimes difficult to capture because there is a fine line between effort and work. As you continue to grow within awareness there are some false things not easily broken down. Things a little more complex that you have to kind of push through, which takes work. In effort or will there is motive and wanting to achieve where inevitably frustration arises from that. To work in our case is to simply remain and give our attention to the fact. But, we will not overly concern ourselves with that now, let us keep it simple.

Simple, when concerning ourselves with awareness comes in a clear definition of it, one beyond the dictionary meaning. Which is the culmination or the bringing together of energy to observe, watch and listen. It is similar to when you are told concentrate and focus on something. When you concentrate all your energy is brought together as a whole. Awareness is an extension of that action. There is no mental isolating or focusing on a single item or subject. Like, when you are mesmerized by somebody's hair, focused on threading a needle or the concentrating on a book. It is similar to this, but not quite like that. Awareness is walking into a room, conscious of the color of the rug, what you are thinking and being attentive to the people in it. This may sound a little more difficult than it actually is. You do it without effort or force not pressuring and demanding of ourselves, is the simplicity.

You can see in this example why trying to teach and train others on how to be aware is such a farce. They have complicated it by creating totally unnatural formulas, methods and techniques you practice to achieve this state. A formula of concentrating on a certain object a few times a day, a method willing yourself to be aware or watching your breaths as a practice. Awareness or attention is such a normal living action that we and the whole rest of the animal kingdom share this. There is real danger in the environment when you or the animal, are unaware. Because it is an important function in human survival, we cannot totally dismiss this. Think it to be some nonsense cooked up by Eastern religion or philosophy. Or a metaphysical imagination or new thought sensory trick that can be self-willed and manufactured. To be aware is much too important for that.

The self-willed, manufactured, or can we call it, '"artificial", awareness that people sell you is much easier. Also, you will have an end result to achieve or get some kind of experience out if it. Whether that result or experience is an imagination or illusory, you will get it. The mind has a way of getting what it desires, whether real or not. The artificial is more appealing because after eight or more hours at work we are exhausted. Then we have our spouses and children that we need to give quality time to. Add to that we have our financial and personal problems to contend with. Lastly, we have a mind that has been made lazy through years of habits and being unaware.

The awareness the author writes about does seem rather taxing and then there's no guarantee of achieving anything out of it? It seems very important that we as humans beings do things because its right, not to try to get or expect a reward. If not, we remain in the ego centric with our self-enclosed pattern never going beyond the self. The artificial is that pattern repeating itself. You can turn on or off , wait for a quiet time, or go sit in the lotus position and meditate on becoming aware. If it does not encompass our whole daily living but something separate, then what are we trying to do? Disassociate ourselves from what is the actual? Our daily lives are the real, the other is hoping and wishing for something different. When this disassociation happens, being aware becomes just another problem.

The simplicity of this action can also be lost when we compare and measure ourselves. We say, last week I was aware five hours a day; I should be at ten hours by now. If you can only be aware or attentive for only ten minutes, that may happen. What standard or measurement are you trying to live up to? What are you trying to become? Just to become aware that you are unaware is where change begins. In this, it is a part of freedom and not the conformity to a method or system. Being of freedom, there is no one that can teach or tell you how. The only thing another may do is point out something and say look at this or observe that.

Make no mistake, to look and observe completely takes work and energy. The work of being alert, with a quick mind able to see the false immediately as it appears. If you ever looked at it, there is great energy lost in the movement of the false. The contradiction and conflict, which is the presence of the false, is wasting energy. It has to be the false because two true things can never be in contradiction and conflict. Think about it. As our energy is no longer depleted from mental exhaustion, so naturally inattentiveness becomes less of a problem. Then something new comes and replaces the old.
Chapter 6

A Student

Contemplating on and facing a blank computer page without anything definitive or comprehensive to write turns out to be a revelation. The writer gets to see how much a student in this all of this he actually is. Some new things and different ways of looking just reveal themselves with no rhyme or reason. It has become a journey and a fun one at that! To be aware is fun! Learning about yourself, environment, the brain and all the other things life can show you. Living becomes like an open book and the world a huge classroom. No, not the typical school with four walls, of books, graphs and maps that hang precariously from the ceiling. Where the education is not dependent on what you can memorize, how well you can explain a theory or past experience, so then you pass a test. In this college, learning or understanding comes from exploration into self, mind and world. Where not knowing and having no conclusions is the supreme advantage. Awareness and attention is from moment-to-moment, so there can be no measurement or test to pass.

Here in our school, memory, how the past influences our present and future; is what we study. We look at the theories, beliefs and philosophies that we hold as truth. We investigate these structures of antiquity, not to bolster our knowledge about and perfect them. But, to see they are only dead and past things constantly being resuscitated by thought and thinking. (Please hear me all the way out!) It can not be denied that some of our theories, beliefs and philosophies speak volumes on the excellence of goodness, virtue and truth. Those volumes are only a description or image about them and what they should be. What we are now is the real, our jealousy, envy and anxiety is the actual. We take the words or images as the real though, then try to imitate and conform to their principles. As if the actual can be broken through or change the accumulation of knowledge. Being aware that this is our habit and custom to do - this is learning of the second kind.

Both of these processes of learning have their right place and are acceptable at appropriate times in daily living. The dominant fragment of the brain denies that there is this. The intellect says there is only my kind, the typical classroom style I am proficient at that. There is only accumulation, past experience and proving a theory as the only means. Live and die by it, because that's all there is. The other kind of learning begins in that it knows nothing. In not knowing, the brain undergoes a modification in freedom. You can sometimes notice this change in yourself. That when the mind has no conclusion or knowledge of something (especially that which is perceived as important) substantial energy and a driving eagerness to find out arises. What usually happens with this movement in freedom though is that we look to be told and not discover for ourselves. So we really do not capture the significance of this action.

Realistically, we all know there are some questions that the intellect and its knowledge cannot answer. Like, where do we go after death, why do we have to die, and what is the meaning of life? We can believe and think we do, but that is all it is. The intellect as knowledge thinks it has no limits, although we will show that it is quite limited. All it really knows are beliefs, theories or opinions and accepts them as truth. If, you notice the problems previously mentioned that really cannot be solved are shoved deep into the unconscious and accounted as being resolved. Like the old saying goes "out of sight out of mind."

For an example, let us take fear; primarily the psychological ones that we have. Fear of being alone, not being a success or losing someone. The intellect and knowledge has no complete answer for these fears and many others either. We can fight and sometimes overcome some of them, this is a fact. But, there are some fears that cannot be conquered and some we are unconscious of even having. So, we just live with them the rest of our lives. Always escaping through a belief and pushing them down into the unconscious until we die. We will never know what it is like to live on this beautiful planet without all our irrational fears.

There are so many different illusions of danger that we have accumulated over our years of living that it is kind of disheartening. Because the real psychological dangers are within the illusions; making the possibility peace, love and joy seem so distant. You cannot be in peace, have love or joy if you are psychologically afraid all the time. Fear, is just one of the deeper issues of living that we or the intellect are challenged with daily. We have death, love and loneliness; which are difficult for many of us to deal with also. The author is not being negative nor want to frighten you more, but we are facing the facts. If we face the facts, there can be learning and understanding of these deeper issues. Then, with the courage in our hearts take these thing on as a challenge, where there is a new beginning.

As a student of life there you are face-to-face with a decision to make. Whether you want to see things for yourself or the usual way of learning, is sufficient? Can you learn, actively receiving and then letting go, so life is new or fresh each day? Seeing the movement of life like a blank computer page? Or, will you be prideful and thinking that you know already? Never investigating or exploring, but accepting and concluding (that which is now) as a solid fact or true.

Like, for instance, let us just say you may be smoking at the moment. In the author's terms(that which is, what is or the fact) that you are actively smoking. When you stop, no longer is that the fact or (what is). The fact at the moment, is not a solid truth although we and our language treat it as such. You may not see the importance of this example now, but apply it to your favorite habit. In that you will see at least a little to how the brain functions because of its accumulation process. Hopefully, it will give you a hint as to the importance of staying with the fact or what is. How, that which you think is known or we know confines us to a prison of the old or past. Locking our present and future securely behind the walls of psychological time.

Learning, where the accumulating and memorization process not being the focal point, isn't something easy. Functioning in this way for so many years, this is what we know. But, it is not that difficult if we are conscious to what we are doing. Because we already learned so many new things by just observing and watching. In this area we are concerned with the habit and routine of the brain is a hindrance. The brain and its super-computer recording always acquiring, accumulating and judging information, becomes a hurdle. That super-computer memory recognizes a situation that it has experienced and responds according to the past. You could step into a brand new situation and before you know it has completely analyzed the experience. Quickly, the brain has sized up everything, recalled information and given it a name in seconds. This mind wants to hang onto the past, so nothing is ever new and the fresh experiences fly by.

Now we are asking the brain to do the impossible, that after seeing everything completely, letting go immediately. Where the mind is staying fresh and flowing along gracefully observing and watching in the movement of living. In a nut shell, this is the action of learning. The observing and watching that we currently know is always used to function or act upon something. To act upon something means you are separated from it. We are asking if, observing and watching can be the only act or action? Where there is no division or separation and so nothing to operate on. This sounds a little like an impossible feat when this natural and a highly trained function of the brain begins to change. But, is it so fantastic of an act to let go of some of our recordings? We do it all the time, there are many things not remembered. To really answer this question on another scale, we must look at the way of learning that we are most familiar with. We know all about the learning through accumulation, but nothing about the other.

To see the difference between two things it is best to look at the root or what they are rooted in. In that root we see what the motive and drive behind each are. Learning, that we know is the seeking to achieve or gain something. To reach a predetermined end result, such as a diploma, a higher job position or God is the goal. Accumulating and memorizing information so you may apply it to an outward objective. Wanting and desiring gives information an emotional stimulation which leaves a deeper mark on the memory. Just like when someone does something real good or extremely bad to you, it recorded in greater depth than most other things.

With awareness, what are you trying to achieve, gain or reach? This is a very important question, if it is not answered who knows where you will end up. Because all this pushing and driving to achieve something in awareness would force the mind to produce something. Desire and want in the mind are very strong energies, so they are not easily denied. What this energy cannot actually achieve it has a tendency of creating the similarity or illusion. We don't want the similar or the imagination, but the actual and real. So, what is your motive? Not so you can judge, condemn or criticize it. To say you should or should not have a motive. Or this driving force is right and the other is wrong. If, the mind understands there is no purpose of holding on, accumulating or memorizing, will the mind not let it go?

I hope you will catch this! Knowledge, past experience and that which we have previously learned, is the creator of many of our motives. The past is the judge, condemner and criticizer as well. It is also that which compares and measures motives. Just another part of the super-computer at work! When you have put all that aside and are left with nothing, what is the motive then? Is the only motive the necessity to change? The education here comes from observing "what is" at the moment and then letting it go. Being quick, fluid and flexible as the brain and thought jumps from one area to the next. As life, mind and environment is changing and moving we flow along with it. Learning, is in the seeing, doing and moving with life ,but holding or fitting it into the past and accumulation prevents this.

The author may write and express to you some insightful things about awareness. You will record in memory some of the things that have been said. It is only for the purposes of explanation and to be informative. That is all, very little real learning or actual understanding comes out of it. The explanation or the description is not the real or actual, but only an image. The real learning and actual understanding comes when you see it for yourself.

The problem of loneliness is a good example. We all know something about that. The word and thought of loneliness, is not the actual. Loneliness, especially when it has vitality; comes with feeling, sensation and a movement in the self. The word, thought or image of the past says loneliness is such a horrible, ugly and terrible thing. I must escape, so we run trying to forget it into some kind of pleasure. So, we do not stay with feelings, pain and sensations of the real. We do not stay with the real or actual because the mind recognizes it from the past. If thought didn't name or label it as loneliness, you would not know what it was. It would just be feeling and sensations. The word, thinking and image of the unreal is that which sends us escaping and running. To stay with the real we can learn about and understand this thing called loneliness, then maybe end it.

As we have said, equating the explanation, description and word as being the real or actual, is our education. This has been our way for many centuries to grasp and comprehend ideas or concepts. Loneliness is not an idea or concept; there is actual feeling of emptiness, isolation and being alone. Because this is the traditional way of thinking here-in lies the necessity to go beyond the word or description. This is not an escape or a "cop out," but the writer cannot tell how to change this pattern of thinking. All he can say that it comes when there is sensitivity to thought. When the mind pushes through framework thinking has created. Please, do not just accept this or reject it either! See, if this is something you really do or not!

The author has been writing about many things that are so foreign and maybe a little bazaar to some people. How do we know what the author is saying is true? It may be just the figment of his own imagination or he is caught in some illusion? The fact is that you really don't know, until there serious and honest questioning of what he is pointing out! Unless there is at least a smidgen of doubt that you are doomed to live life the way we presently experience it, then you will never know. That all this turmoil, suffering, lack of beauty and love is your lot in life to accept, then there no need to read any further. It would be gullible for you to just blindly accept this without testing. The author wants no part of that! Leave, that for those who exploit people.

Our life up to now has been just to accept and regurgitate the past. We have been just accepting and regurgitating all our lives from what the expert says, church leaders or from someone who has said they know. We hear something that sounds good and then we go wildly running after it. Why do we go chasing after anything that someone has said is a more or better experience? Is it because of our envy and greed always wanting the more? Or, does our life seems like such a miserable existence we need some kind of exceptional experience? Our envy, greed and misery are important to be aware of because that is the fact the other is non-fact. This is what we are faced with everyday and not some imaginative state of contentment. What the author is preaching, not to believe in him and jump through hoops. But just look and observe for yourself. If not this is only a bunch of words.

A student, delving into this entirely, means there needs to be a certain amount of freedom. A freedom from what you think you already know. From your prejudices, opinions and beliefs that judge, condemn or censor as a reflex action. When the brain sees anything as new or different many times it reacts in fear. The mind resists and refuses because it perceives a threat from the unknown, for it is safe in the known. You can see this even in the smallest or pettiest of adjustments we are forced to make. It frightens some people to death making a too dramatic change.

In our case we are just looking, listening or observing ourselves, mind and the environment. There is not any exotic technique you have to twist or contort yourself into in order to receive. Or some novel propaganda that you have to beat the mind into believing. It is about seeing the false things we have been holding as true, the untrue just falls away. Nobody is telling you to do anything, but observe and watch. The only threat, is through imagining there is one. You may not see it now, but thought is closely connected with fear. So, if you have difficulty facing it, then learning about yourself and awareness will have its struggles. How can there be learning about anything, if you do not see how and why it operates? To understand something you have to get close enough to see how and why it functions also. Thought and thinking is what we want to understand and get close to.

To take a step into this process of thought and thinking means putting a serious question to it. This may seem to you like a "deep" one that the author will suggest, but it is just a challenge. The challenge is, How does thought operate and why do we think at all? I do not mean to go try finding it in a book or looking for someone to tell you. Or, even look for the answer yourself, but enter into the question. By enter in, the author means the watching or observing of thought and reaction once the question is seriously posed. This watching or observing brings about sensitivity to the mind. That sensitivity begins to open up comprehension for learning and understanding where the answer may eventually appear. Thought, slows to where you are actually able to watch thought jumping from one area to another. Full of fear one minute and then trying to build courage the next. Then maybe you see thought superficial at one moment and seconds later thinking to be deep.

While we are on the subject of sensitivity and thought, let me not fail to mention this! As you become sensitive there maybe some thoughts arise which are very unlikeable, let me put it that way. That you may want to escape, force and put far out of your mind forever. With the rancid stuff we hear and the crazy things we are exposed to in this society, it is understandable. Most of people are psychologically hurt and abused just by living in this world, so in turn we have taken it out on ourselves. The brain, being this great recorder, it records just about everything at a very high speed. Indiscriminately storing information, incidents and occurrences, which sometimes are brought to consciousness. It can be evoked by merely a sensation, a place or for no rationale at all. There could be many causes for this happening. You should explore and find out for yourself. The fact that the brain could be in fear, tense or has watched too much violent television, are a few causes of this.

All it is doing is chattering and repeating the recorded sound bites. Sound bites that have affected us most or given much emotional content too, are replayed. So, fundamentally thought in this case is a just physical reaction. Thought is not Yours, because it is just thought. It's the brain trying to regulate and bring order to self, by way of thought. So would it be correct to identify with this thought, as mine? All of what the author is saying may sound a little technical, but we are very complex human beings. Any simpler explanation would be insufficient and deficient. As a student in life, we know the understanding will eventually come. In learning the right way, working in a quality of seriousness and being highly aware.
Chapter 7

Coming into Awareness

In this chapter, the author is going to write a little about some past experiences, which is something he particularly does not like to do. This is because the past is not that important nor do the personal experiences contain much meaning. So he will avoid going into any elaborate details of his life, because he would not want to bore you. But, we hope through the description of the past obstacles and hurdles you can see some possible parallels in your life. Certain parallel perceptions, problems and feelings you may be experiencing in the present. By taking this quick glimpse, we can better understand the transforming movement of awareness and attention.

The author wants to begin this difficult deluge into the past by stating that he was an intense and avid believer in Christianity. He firmly believed and rigidly accepted the Bible as the dictatorial map of life. In fact, at one time he was a minister in the faith. Even then the author was not a complete novice to the action and term of awareness. He had considered himself a somewhat aware person as many of you also would. Though, he can see now that there was very little depth as understanding and actuality of awareness. Clearly, the author will now admit that there was an underestimation and an ignorance to the freedom or movement of this energy.

For the author, living a monotone inward life was a habit not easily broken. The outer measurement of things going well and being somewhat comfortable can bring about a contentment. Not that life should be chaotic, uncertain and hectic. But the tool of measurement has to be complete or you're going to get a distorted account. The tool we use is only the outer which cannot possibly measure the inner. If our outer relationships are going smoothly, we have plenty of money and no disaster has hit lately, then inwardly there is a satisfaction. When that is far from being true, because inside we are jealous, insecure and prejudice creatures, and this continues to rear its ugly head. If you are content and satisfied, then there is nothing to change.

We do not come upon this fact because there is no shortage of outer discontentment. Our lives are almost always outwardly dissatisfied and not gratified by one thing or another. The desire for a bigger house, higher status in church, better car or prettier wife - we are always thinking along these lines. Inwardly or spiritual discontentment is rarely, if ever, something we even think about. Except when things like jealousy, anger or fear effects the outer do we even begin to look. If your wife or husband says they are going to divorce you because of jealousy, then it is a huge problem. Then there is a flame of discontent for a moment. We will move heaven and earth trying to solve the it. Once the trouble dissipates, you escape it or appears to be solved you are back consumed in outer discontentment where the inner flame goes out.

This back and forth pattern is the way we live. A traumatic incident or a terrible situation occurs then for a few days or months the inner is very important again. The fire of change is burning and then quickly goes out. Why does there have to be a painful incident or hurtful situation that "shocks" us to bring back into inner discontent? Why can we not keep that inner flame burning? Maybe, what we do with the discontentment is where the problems lies? Most people run for help to the nearest church, drug or analyst where we can escape the pain and hurt. Or we may take the so-called "high road" and devote ourselves to changing the society, world or helping others. When our own inner life is still a mess. Possibly, the answer could be to do nothing and just remain with it?

Organized religion will tell you to pray and believe more strongly in the words of the Bible, as in the author's case. Accumulating greater knowledge of God, scripture and practice your way to a superior faith; that is what they say. The author did all of this persistently and diligently, but neither life, nor the

( I), changed. The self, who was in turmoil only adapted and modified, but never any real dramatic transformation. This too was but the movement of the outer trying to change the inner man.

Being rescued by God, a savior, knowledge or ritual was still an outer movement. Instead of working to understand the origin of behavior, actions and reactions of the inner. The turmoil, was not only outside me but (I) actually was that disorder. The conflict, pain and hurt was actually the me. This maybe is a difficult statement to understand and even accept, but it is a fact. Which is to separate the experience-er from the experience, our pattern of thinking and education does this.

The mind separates and disassociates itself from the anxiety, sensations and feelings of the situation. This is where another part of the brain can escape, calculate and operate on it. When it is (that)! The solution to the problem is in the inner me, but we try to solve it with an outer movement. It may not make any sense to you now, but we will go into this a little deeper later. Unaware that we, the brain and thought functions in this manner, life inevitably takes on a most gloomy and confused outlook. This kind of outlook brings about the isolation of me from the rest of the world. In this isolating of the self, all real caring and relationship seems to crumble. Relationship, being the pivotal point of life and our existence demands an answer to an age old question. "What is the meaning of life"? The oldest and most important questions put to humankind makes itself known.

A mind that is still fairly sane takes on this question of the meaning of life as a challenge. A "not so sane," person throws their hands up in defeat and says there is no meaning. Or by making pleasure the sole meaning of living. To escape the painful reality by concocting a better illusion. It can also say I already know what it is, my priest, the philosopher has told me. I have learned from past experience what the meaning is. So, it will not inquire or explore this greatest of questions.

A mind, that sees accepts that it knows nothing and has never even explored this question. But, it is only repeating what it has been told or imagined. It has accepted the experts and their theories, believed the beliefs of the priest. The inquiring mind says I must find out the truth for myself, and arrive at the intelligent answer. That other way is not good enough. The old way has just led me in circles, so I must think on this. It says, I must start over anew and fresh. By the mind seriously asking these questions it acquires an insightful look that it has never had. Which produces further issues that challenge like, "How am I to start anew when everything around and in me is constructed of the old?" "How do I go about finding out, who will help me?" "Can I be sure I don't get caught in an illusion of my own making?" My illusion are impractical and unreasonable as any, so what is to be done?

Seriously, going into these questions there is a moving into awareness at a different level. Hopefully, in this movement you see there has to be a freedom from the old first, before starting anything new. The old or past will always deny and reject the new. So, what constitutes the old or past? We can see that some of our beliefs, opinions and ideas originate from the great grandparents. Many of our pleasures and fears can be traced back to some ancient times of family history.

To say you will drop all of your old and pick up some new beliefs, opinions and ideas is the same process. The believer in God who thinks changing, to believe that there is no God. The Christian that switches beliefs and calls themselves a Buddhist or the capitalist that exchanges precepts to become a communist. Thinking that we have found something untainted or more suitable when you have only changed the labels and beliefs. Labels and beliefs are some most deadly things and not some innocent facts or categories used to describe. They have gone beyond just the description and has formed conclusions, attitudes and formulas that separate humans. You can attribute much of the violence and hate in this society and world to the divisions of mankind.

If you look at it we have labels, beliefs and opinions of just about everything. The I, me and my thinking are but the accumulation of this. Watch as your thoughts and thinking just repeats or mulls over the previously recorded. How the brain immediately assigns labels to people or things, then the beliefs and opinions quickly arise with a conclusion. That conclusion could be totally false and a complete lie. So we are prejudice, fearful and violent before actually meeting the person or logically questioning the thing. Of course there is the other side to this kind of thinking also. Where we just accept, follow and endorse a person or thing because that fits an image of ours. A person who looks like our conceived idea by the way they are dressed, talk or having a large following draws us in. A thing or concept could look really good in your mental picture that you have of it. Full with promises, hope and images of fulfillment. But, we all know a person or philosophy can turn out be totally discouraging and disappointing from what we had imagined.

Most of us function in this way, jumping from one preconceived idea to another, based upon like and dislike. So can you see why we and the world are in such disarray? We cannot come together on issues of any magnitude. Because almost everything we come in contact with is labeled, judged by a belief and condemned from an opinion. Do we even want to change this pattern or is this acceptable? Many do not even give this behavior a moment of thought. But, yet when you are labeled or prejudged it is now a most despicable and hurtful act. How could they do such a thing, they don't even know me! We have separated our hurt from that which is willfully and mischievously done to others, by us. Do you see this is the way we think?

We went through all of this pretty quickly, but what are some the parallels drawn from this? Would another be for you, commitment? We are all committed to some things, of course to our spouse, jobs, children and doing things for people. If our allegiance only went as far as what we described, then seemingly there would be no problem. So, are we loyal to certain ways of thinking, believing and behaving, which does create problems? Do we have commitments of tradition which keep us from changing and growing into understanding human beings? It is a fact that many of us do have these allegiances and loyalties. It is even part of our education, tradition and culture to have these. Where we can fit in socially and be somewhat secure economically. To be a Muslim in certain Christian neighborhoods socially you will be ostracized. Promoting a democratic agenda in a heavy republican area could cause some economic exclusion. These are just some of the outward pressures that one may encounter and ways of being influenced to accept. We have never asked why do we even need beliefs and ideologies? And what exactly or actually are these things?

We can see that some beliefs or ideologies are very appealing and so attractive. So much so, that people have given all they had to follow. Most of them try to communicate the ideal, "perfect and right," which is most desirable. You feel a part of something that is greater than yourself, which is very seductive. They are not some weak mental process that you can easily throw off. But when they have inspirational and emotional content there is a great deal of energy behind them. That energy has changed mental states, healed people and reformed politics. It has done these things plus many, many more that are considered positive. Yet, beliefs and ideologies has also caused wars, promoted hate and fostered many monstrous individuals acts. You may look at this and think the positives outweigh the negatives.

Seeing this partially and only in fragments we may be able to conclude that. Perceiving the whole of this, you see humankind has been thinking this way for more than two thousand years. Still socially, psychologically and spiritually after all this time, he or she is the same. These formulas and methods have not dramatically changed us or the world. But, it seems nobody recognizes or cares to see this fact. That beliefs and ideologies may promote some "good" adaptations or adjustments, but also bring much misery, fear and sorrow with them. This is the case no matter how perfect and righteous that they may seem to be. The human mind always schemes, supersedes and distorts any system of living created by thought. Though some of them appear to be new, but it is just old being repeated.

Then you here about this thing called awareness and begin investigating it. You perceive the common sense of it, logic and reason behind this action, as well. So, you incorporate the idea of being aware within the tremendous energy of belief and ideology. In the beginning of being aware this exchange seems to work out fairly well. Because you aware now some things begin to change. The superficial conflicts and minor contradictions that you had to contend with are easily dropped. Life seems to be getting a little better.

Then one day, you recognize that there is no further blossoming of awareness. The sensitivity that your mind now has still sets you apart from most others. But, that is not saying much. Your life is still in turmoil and living seems like one deep rut. This sometimes is the stopping point for many people. Being incorporated by the belief and ideological system, consciousness is only working within that process. The process of repetition, conformity and suppression which is the total denial of the freedom in awareness.
Chapter 8

Thought, Thinking and Self

Thought and Thinking? "What is so important about thought and thinking that I should be aware of it?" "That I should devote energy and focus attention to watch or observe it?" Then you may say, thought and thinking is good, stimulating and happy some of the times, anyway. With my thinking I create, learn and I am empowered in knowledge. A fairly good life I live, depending on my thoughts and thinking. Though, I must admit, it goes all wrong at times. My thinking is sometimes absurd it, but that is nothing I have lived with it for years. Sometimes, thought is afraid, envious and aggressive, but you have to control the beast.

Just, in this short soliloquy, you can see the importance of thought and we give to thinking. Also, you can see that there is no question as to the enormous role it plays in our life and daily living. We do not act without thought, except for basic bodily functions. Even our feeling and emotions are connected to thought. If, they were not how would you even know and name a feeling or emotion? Unless, thought has remembered from the past, there would be only sensation. Thought and thinking is the crux of who we are without a doubt. This central feature of movement is the psychological self, I or me.

The fact of thought and thinking being the psychological self is not that obvious. We have a traditional way of thinking and believing that casts a shadow on this. If, you can watch and observe thought you can see the dark reflection hides a consistent pattern. A pattern of dividing self or separating thought into things like the higher and lower self. Spiritual and the flesh, good or bad you. These divisions are clearly a false process. When the fact is, there is only one self, one thinker and one mind. Our conditioning, religion and education says that this division actually exists, but does it really? All this separation does is provide a route to escape the fact. Where we blame our shortcomings on the ego, sinful nature, the world and even the devil; which are very convenient evasions. This habit of avoidance is a solid and yet subtle process, so it's not easily broken. What gives this habit such strength and ability to shun detection? The author thinks it is maybe because of identification?

What is meant by identifying or identification? In its most simplest of definitions we will call it a mental possessiveness, a feeling of something being me or mine. This is where the problem seems to begin. We are taught to build a good self-image or a positive ego or through identifying with the better, the good and pleasurable. In life we cannot always be the better, of the good and only have the pleasure, this is a fact. To maintain a good image or positive ego there must be a division created in order to survive. Do you see it? There would be no means of escape from the contradiction and conflict, of the bad or negative in life. The image or ego would always be disturbed or hurt, like a bomb ready to go off. Which we know there are many people like that today. So, in order to survive thought in identification manufactures its own opposite. Where it can escape the painful, the bad and so-called negative thinking. By contributing or attributing it to the lower self, flesh or bad you. Or play the blame game. Ego or higher self says the good one is me and the other is not (I).

This is very obvious process when we want to get rid of a well entrenched destructive habit. Though, to end the habit may be of utmost importance and very necessary, we exclusively identify with the positive. Our positive is the ideal, what we want to become or achieve. While berating, condemning and trying to subdue the negative. Dynamics of this are a division or separation of the controller being different from the controlled. We have the higher self, asserting dominance over the designated lower self. One thought process trying to rule over the same fragmented pattern. The will of the good you, seeking to oppress the desire of the bad self.

You cannot ever accurately measure how well entrenched or deeply rooted something is in the psyche. Many habits feel to be of a superficial nature and are thought to be easily overcome by will-power, determination and denial. But, we usually find out differently when you try to drop it. A lot of people only discover that when going through many punishing lessons of experience and terrible failures. So they give up and accept their fate condemning themselves to a life of mediocrity and misery.

So, let us just suppose, you do just have enough energy and militaristic discipline to control a resistant habit or persistent problem. Where we try to keep the behavior contained or out of sight in the unconscious. Exchange this habit with another compulsion is what many do also. Can you just logically or even intellectually see what you have done to yourself? The inward fighting this would cause, self-hating, feeling guilty and desensitizing of the mind and heart. This battle between higher and lower, good and bad self could go on forever. It appears that there is no way out of this mess.

The author understands, that sometimes this way seems better than no method at all. The death, disgrace and destruction that come along with some habits or addictions are overwhelming. That this method is the only way we may know. He is not saying to do not control or not to discipline yourself - that would be stupid. But, be aware that the opposite has formed and the energy of conflict sustains the division. Have you ever noticed the great energy used and depleted with conflicting thoughts? You are mentally exhausted after dealing with a great deal of conflict and contradiction. When there is not enough energy, the disagreeable (I) or lower self-controls and you yield to the desire, urging and craving. The identification with the higher, good, the ideal is thought. This also creates and gives strength to its own opposite.
Chapter 9

What Is This Thing Called Awareness?

What is essence of awareness - the heart and blood of it? The author in previous chapter has written few explanations and examples about it, but what is being aware exactly? What is the nature or texture of it, if I may use those words? The writer knows what the action is and the meaning it has for him. But, why is it that others are not grasping and coming upon the same. So, it behooves him to ask, what are the masses seeing and saying about it? Where is the ordinary man or woman getting their information in order to grasp the action called, awareness? Is there a clear example and easily understood explanation on this subject?

To get a general perception of what others are inundated with we took to the (information highway), the internet to find out. Which we can say this is probably the best place to get a quick glimpse of the information. We are going through this quickly, so what will be seen is limited and a little bit of an oversimplification. Though still a general observation of what one may encounter, yet we want to maintain our integrity of what is being said and introduced as awareness.

Our first observation from the information highway, you see that there are self-awareness and spiritual awareness. Why the division or separation has occurred between the two I could not tell you. We will assume one has a carnal motive and the other a spiritual direction. Awareness practiced for social, economic, technological gain and achievement, we will call the carnal. The carnal motive of awareness will enhance and make you more efficient in these areas of operation. Being very superficial and another element of materialism we will not even discuss this. If, that is what you want to practice it for, then so be it. The awareness we are talking about is purely in the direction of the spiritual, religious and psychological. Our focus is on an action changing the inner human being instead of modifying the outer circumstances. To change inwardly or our inner being is basically the only transforming of the outward. From the inner we respond to the outer. Nothing can change if you are continually reacting and repeating in the usual way.

Awareness is not only of the self, because then it would merely be concentration on me. We are already so preoccupied with self and our daily lives now, so more of it would be sickening. We want to find out and (I hope you do too?), if there is something beyond the petty activities of the self. The pettiness we will describe as of our day-to-day anxieties, habits and fears. Life is such a great and wonderful thing that you cannot just reduce it to the mediocre self. Neither could it be respectively label awareness as spiritual in the way the word being used nowadays.

The word "Spiritual" has been so misused that author hesitates even using the term. He hopes to only use it sparingly and as just a separation from the technological. The word spiritual has taken on the implications of the metaphysical, psychic abilities, paranormal activities and things of that nature. Spiritual awareness from what the author sees on the internet kind of falls in the same boat. Where they meditate upon, imagine and believe you are one with nature, universe or God. How can you be one with the nature, universe or God and not whole within yourself? As soon as you stop meditating on the idea of being one, you are back struggling with yourself and environment. Or, to provide another example, get tired of living in the commune or escaping into a monastery you are back with yourself in conflict and contradiction.

You are either aware or you are not, why bring all that other mess in? Awareness is encompassing the whole of daily life and not just the parts you think are important. Cognizant of the way you walk, talk and even do dishes. The puffy cheeks of a cute baby, color of a carpet or the shape of a cloud. Also, to be mindful of the way you think, your beliefs and opinions.

Exploring, into the different internet links about our subject you see another trend occurring. Words and phrases containing enlightenment, God and awakening begin to gratuitously appear. So much so, they almost seem synonymously related to awareness. Awakening is close to the definition of what has to happen and the meaning of awareness. If they mean by awakened, a mind energized in a heightened state of alertness? That definition is easily agreed to and accepted. They may be also right about the close relationship awareness has with enlightenment and God also. But, all of these are just some other person's assumptions, conclusions and hypotheses. How do we know if they are enlightened or found God? How do we even know they have awakened? Just because they speak about some marvelous feeling and experience achieved, is that enough? So, could anyone possibly tell you how to become awakened, enlightened or find God?

What we have extracted from the information highway on awareness was brief but yet pretty reasonable. A fairly accurate account of what the mainstream generally means when going into the issue of awareness. The author purposely left out some of the claims and experiences because he did not want to become redundant. The different components we discovered on the internet were a little confusing enough, I must say. Some of the confusion were from liberties taken with terminology and the rest of it came out of their lack of insight. Books and lectures, of course would reveal much more, but I think they too would follow practically along the same line. Because they all seemed to imply a quid pro quo, if you do this then you will get that. Also, much of it went beyond a simple introduction and delved into what to expect and that which you will experience by being aware.

This is something that you cannot teach and tell another what should or is going to happen. But the learning and understanding which comes in the doing dictates the events. To one who is full of curiosity and inquiry following methods or systems of others are very alluring. Just like organized religious beliefs, positive attitude dogma, some philosophies and theories are really, really tantalizing. When you follow their methods or formulas they excrete this tremendous feeling of well-being and even superiority; at least in the beginning. After that, if you want to maintain those pleasant emotions it becomes almost a constant necessity to adjust, maintain and rethink your position. When a crisis comes or you don't act the way you are supposed to, then it breeds guilt, fear and self-condemnation. This amounts to the same vicious circle that we already live in.

There is a common saying that I grew up with, "curiosity killed the cat," which has basically told us from childhood to fear curiosity and inquiry. Curiosity and inquiry is a most wonderful thing, we can see that fact, especially when it comes to science and technology. Science and technology demands a certain investigative and exploration into the nature of something. Look at how science and technology has flourished over the recent years. Being curious and inquiring about our minds, thinking and behavior, we do not tread this path on our own. We leave it up to the experts or professionals to tell us. So, we like the rest of humanity are frozen in time. What the author is alluding to is be careful of those who want to tell you how to be aware. But, be a little curious and inquire logically and reasonably to the best of your abilities. Do not be gullible to every snake oil salesman who says they know. Pool all your energy and Awaken the Mind!
Chapter10

Awaken!

For centuries, upon centuries sages, wise men and even some not so learned have said "Wake up"! They have screamed, protested and begged for us as individuals, societies or the world to awaken. They have said to awaken and live our lives in spiritual prosperity. "Hear me," they have said wake up and put down the cruel, violent and inhumane ways of poverty. We may, and usually do wake up temporarily to certain causes or particular issues in a limited field of living. Those issues that we feel strongly about, stimulate and provoke us we are wide awake to. But, that is about as far into waking up that we get before slowly being lulled back asleep. Somehow, the author does not think this is what the wise and sages meant by to awaken. A temporary awakening in a small and partial field of living would have very little meaning to it. That is what we and the world are doing now; waking up a small fraction at a time calling it, progress or becoming more civilized. By the time enough progress or civilized behavior is achieved, we will be all dead and maybe the world destroyed.

There are many whom I think have seen that the whole mind should awaken and not just temporarily or in little fragments. Which is basically the fundamental question of most religions and spiritual movements. The question, "Can there be a wholeness in man that is righteous, finds truth or God,?" has been asked countless times. A mind capable of doing that would have to be extremely awake, alive and alert. Logically, you can see a dull, stagnate or sleepy brain would has no chance of coming even close. So, without comparing and measuring ourselves with others and the things they do, what are our minds like? Many of us would conclude and think that we are awake, alive and alert. Because chasing pleasure, seeking success and being ambitious have enormous stimulation behind them and simulates an awakened mind. The half brother of this though is fear, insecurity and uncertainty and more drama that keeps us on the edge of our seats. So all of this movement, action and reaction merely happens within the periphery or circle of self. The petty little self is never the whole.

To be without a conclusion or not knowing what your mind is like, you can then explore. You can observe, watch and inquire to see for yourself what the brain is exactly; which is the beginning of change. Look at this closely, in the very action of doing that we described you cease to be dull, stagnate or sleepy. There's the possibility that it doesn't have the measurable impact on your life that you would like for it to have. But you get to see it can be changed, which is very important. Besides this, there are few other complexities involved in a total awakening and you don't have to look that deep to see them. The major ones are that we do not have the sufficient and sustained energy. Secondly, we really don't know that which seduces us and what there is to wake up from.

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Now, can we see what there is to wake up from? Because many people do not feel as if they are asleep, just doing what feels, thinks and is said to be, "normal." We have been called upon to awaken and after a thousands of years that clearly has not happened. We, society and world, after centuries of being asked, are still cruel, violent or inhumane. So, can we look at this problem a little differently? That different way would mean looking at what it is to sleep or be mesmerized. According to the wise and sages, that which creates a chaotic environment and prevents us from doing the right thing.

When it is said to awaken there is an inherent premise of no energy, sleep or being mesmerized. First, we have to ask what are these things actually, not the definition or idea of it? And secondly, what can induce the brain to sleep, become mesmerized and causes us to use a great deal of energy? Drugs or alcohol can do this very easily, but we are not talking about that. Taking this question seriously and at another level you see it is "thought." Thought has the capabilities to do all three of these. Please do not immediately reject or readily accept this next statement. Most, if not all non-technological thinking and thought is all about self or a result of self-centered activity. When thought and thinking in the non-technological area of living self is enclosed or made very exclusive. Thought, runs in one way, then another, changes feelings and emotions all within the parameters of self. It is always thinking what it has to do, seeking pleasure and running from fear. Wasting energy, sleeping and being mesmerized are all within the activity of self.

The activities of self have a much greater circumference and larger range than what we usually apply to it. What I call mine or what I identify with is also within the periphery of self. My wife, children and car are also part of (the me). Identifying strongly with my wife when somebody hurts her I feel the hurting also. When my children suffer, I in fact do too. The car gets hit or dinged my possession is an extension of me. We are not saying it is right, wrong, good or bad to identify. But, when you do it too becomes a part of the psychological (I), self or me. Working only in such a small area the brain sleeps, is mesmerized and depletes energy. I am held firmly and stuck in this merely expanding circle of self. All of its focus and energy is to complete or satisfy this function. Not ever being able to go beyond the tiny world it has created for itself.

Also, notice how we have divided thinking or thought into non-technological and technological spheres of living. We have to do this because the same thinking pattern that is used to fix a car will be a lot different from the thought process of loving your family. It takes mechanical thought to operate a computer, but there needs to be fluid thinking in order to resolve a deep fear. We try to use the technological thinking in the whole field of living; which only creates more and different problems. Living things are always changing and modifying, you cannot operate your life according to a standard manual or calculated system. Although, we try and struggle to solve the non-technological problems with the technological thinking; which horribly fails. We are at a loss, so the problem is turned over to the expert or specialist to solve it. We have experts and specialists in every part of life that will tell us what to do. For marriage, child rearing and weight loss, we could write a long list on this. The point we are trying to make is, that we can be dependent on others to solve our problems. Or, another option is always finding someone to tell you how, so then will it ever be a necessity for us to Awaken?
Chapter 11

The Repetitive and Redundant

We mentioned previously that observing, watching or being aware of thought and thinking begins to make the mind sensitive to that action. By sensitive, we mean the mind is able to perceive more, see new details and recognize certain particulars. It has the capability to understand when the brain is tense confused or inattentive and the distortions that arises from these states. It is cognizant to its own calmness and clarity, when thought is quiet or slow. Even though the mind is more sensitive, thought continues chattering and incessantly moving. The chattering is basically the same repetitive content and the moving in one redundant direction. To where watching and observing of thought becomes a mere cycle of the same. If the repetitive and redundant is what's being watched or observed, then where is the freedom? Where is there any blossoming or flowering in awareness? It has to blossom and flower or it withers and dies. All we have done is created an alternative routine and a new habit. Having seen many people caught at this point for years has made this an issue the author, so he would like to touch on this. Somehow, for us to remain vibrant and enthusiastic this circle and cycle must come to an end.

This whole issue of the repetitive and redundant may sound like a foreign language to you right now. (Being, maybe you're first introduction to awareness). What the author is writing about could be totally new and difficult to comprehend for you. You may not even be conscious of the sensitivity that has happened yet, because it is so subtle. This could be the first time you recognized that thought does chatter and incessantly move. Or maybe you have been aware of the way thought behaves, but concluded there was nothing to be done. If one of these questions describes you, then we treat sensitivity and awareness as something new. Anything, new and fresh that we acquire you are itching to use it. We inquire and explore into that new acquisition to see exactly what all that it can do. You look at that new thing with any free time you have. Not turn it into another relic of your accomplishments to be put down in the basement and forgot about. Awareness and sensitivity always has to be new or obviously it is not being aware and sensitive. But, just a lackadaisical routine and new habit that we practice.

The repetitiveness and redundancy turns watching or observing into a technique to be used. A technique or practice that becomes really old, rather quickly. It is imperative for us not to fall into this pattern. To find out how to break or end this process. So, we will look at and see if there is an understanding or learning about this structure. With the newly found awareness and sensitivity, there may be a possibility for a discovery.

In the beginning of awareness certain facts stand out more than others. That when the body appears to be at rest or leisure, there is still the chattering and moving of thought. Probably, this movement had very little importance to you before, so no attention to this was paid. We have never seriously questioned whether this is something conditioned or inherited, that has been accepted as the norm. There are more than just few traditional ways and inherited conclusions believed as fact, when we have not even tested it. We are not speaking about the superficial traditions of holidays, gatherings and thing of that nature. But those that are deeply ingrained within us which effect the way we act, think and behave.

Tradition is but blind and ignorant acceptance of the past; which can be very dangerous. Just like doubting too much also puts you in peril. Tradition, in this case tells us it is natural for thought to chatter or move and not be concerned with it. When the pleasure of thought turns to pain, is where it starts causing problems and getting things twisted. Then the turmoil begins we don't understand the movement, so it is like we have no control over ourselves. Some people have difficulty sleeping, feeling relaxed is impossible and anxiety rages to where they have to take a pill. We don't see that this is only thought. "Only Thought"! "You may say?" Thought and thinking are very important and necessary without a doubt. Have we made it overly important, the author wants to ask? Something, we worship as coming from God or being sacred? Take a look at it for yourself go deeply into the origination of thought and why you think. Once you see and understand for yourself the total nature of thought, then the author's statement will not sound so bizarre.

At the present, can we say that we do not understand the whole nature of thought? Would that be alright to assume for now? The fact is most people verily even have the faintest clue to it. So, how do we go about understanding or learning the nature of thought and thinking? To see if the mind has been conditioned by tradition to chatter and move or this is just a wild assumption of the author? To find that answer would be to see if thought can slow and become quiet on its own. If it can that would be a hint to the possibility of ending this habit. Of course, there are drugs that can do that and some forms of mind control. Many of you have experimented with some of these methods already. Where you have found that it is only habit or tradition for the mind to do this. You may not have attributed this movement to tradition, but basically that is what it amounts to.

For those whom have experimented with a drug or meditation found that the mind was slow and quiet for a moment. Then once the drug wears off or the energy behind meditation dissipates your mind is back with chattering and moving again. (I am not promoting the use of drugs!) The author has met others who have experimented with such. But, those are an artificially induced quietness, which is not what we are looking for. Forcing and trying to control thought to slow and be quiet through meditation is the most commonly used technique. In this we are back in duality again, one higher fragment of mind desiring quietness, so dominating other parts of the brain. There is no understanding in these methods, so that slowing and quieting does not last. To explain in depth why I say that an induced quietness is not the way would lead us off the particular issue. I think if you study it, you will see the apparent flaws in that kind of thinking. I only brought up the induced quietness to distinguish from the one we will be discussing. Having done this, let us see if there is a natural slowing and quieting of thought.

Why is thought always chattering and incessantly moving? Is part of the problem we are just use to this movement? Because we only know this and it doesn't seem very important? The heart is one organ that is constantly moving, are our brains supposed to be continuously on the go? Our hearts and brains wear out or break down from use. Is this wearing out necessary or does this have to happen for the mind also? Or do our brains need some quiet time or rest, so it can renew itself and stay young?

Our life is one that you must be on the go, doing and keep going. Most of us are in or have experienced at least temporarily, the uncontrollable syndrome of this going, if we may call it that. You have a feeling of being unsettled or driven to do. Always having to be entertained, doing something, thinking about anything and everything. I have seen some people where this is their perpetual state, where even sleep (dreams) are a continuance of this activity. It is so normal some people even gladly term themselves as "Workaholics" and are proud of it. What an awful way to live! Never taking but maybe only short moments to just be quiet and observe this thing we call, "Life"! Because, we only have these few sporadic moments, we live life at such a superficial level. Where being quiet has no meaning and where the slowing of thought is valueless. Or, when you do try or life forces us to slow down, fear, emptiness and loneliness arise.

Another possible reason to explain why thought is always chattering and moving could be is that we feel we can control it? Is it that our education, tradition and past experience has said that we should be able to turn thought off and then on? Deciding and censoring the bad while allowing only the good or pleasurable thought? We believe and hold fast to this even though at times it paralyzes, puts you into a depression and drives you with loneliness. Still, believing this we try to reprogram thought to act rightly. Analyze to find the root, escape with a drug or silence it with meditation.

The author does not want to appear as judging or condemning these methods of quieting and slowing thought. Because these are the only practices we know, being judgmental and critical doesn't change anything. Only, to point out the difference between observing and being aware from what we are used to or know, is the author's motive. By being observant and aware, hopefully you will see that which we are accustomed to and know is still part of our conditioning. For, within the pattern we have developed an intricate system of escapes. A system of not staying with or within the fact. Not being with the actuality of our jealousy understanding it, but trying to produce and foster non-jealousy. Our conditioning and programming are just a repetition of this reaction, maybe modified a bit, but basically the same. Repeating of those actions which provide a temporary state of relief or are ineffectual altogether. To be caught in this denies and keeps us from finding anything new. Something new or fresh that lasts and transforms the mind.

This may be your first time hearing or even considering programming and conditioning of the human mind. We are all conditioned in some way by the climate, food and culture the understanding of this is nothing new. At least, since Pavlov announced he could condition animals centuries ago was there much significance paid to it. Pavlov basically used reward and punishment in animals to direct or control behavior. Simple reward and punishment are just one of the elements in man's conditioning. The human mind is much more complex and complicated so there are many other factors that play a role in programming.

Conditioning, starts with us from the moment were born. At birth, there is our human instinctual programming about the world. Then the environment trains and pushes this inherited process to react or respond in a certain direction or way. As we grow and accumulate information, a more sophisticated structure is acquired through experience, education and belief. So, the mind is held so securely and gripped very firmly in this from day one. Many of our actions and reactions appear as "normal" or logical to us and the community of man. The family, society and world will sometimes even celebrate or show approval of the programming. The whole twist of this is that these actions or reactions many times correct and right in some sense of these words. But, that correctness is habit and the righteousness mechanical. The habitual and mechanical on some other occasions there is clear incorrectness and obvious unrighteousness. There is always this contradiction because what we actually feel, think and do will never align perfectly with the conditioning. When our conditioned thinking is nationalistic, racially or socially dividing from one another, can there be any "real truth and goodness"? We would always then be ready to make war, prejudice and protect our position in the world.

This conditioning or programming is not the ideal prototype for human psychological health and freedom of man. But, a design of the past or tradition to follow and fit into the established pattern. Molded, formed and conformed to a pattern of this violent, cruel and callous world. Our lives and minds become a representative of this same content. This tremendous pressure is sly, cagey, verbal and non-verbal in every direction of our living. By way of the family, economics, education and religion there is no part of society that has not made an imprint on us. Just look for yourself how these categories of society influence the way we think, feel and act. Some of this conditioning you can easily break, but most we cannot or will not let go of. Because there is too much pleasure, fear or sentimental attachment to even think about giving it up. If, we realize the full fact of this statement and it becomes as actual to you as the sun rising then other things are revealed. Thinking ourselves to be original individuals (psychologically) is merely a stretch on the truth, is one revelation.

We also have to see that there is no God or person that will help you out of this. You have to be aware or observant of it, see the falseness for yourself and then drop the conditioning. But just knowing this intellectually and as a concept does not change anything. The author or someone else could scream to the top of our lungs and logically show you what conditioned or programmed is, but that means very little. You have to see that forcing the present (which we are), into the past (which is our conditioning and programming) is a recipe for living in conflict and contradiction. That the inward conflict and contradiction is why thought is always chattering and incessantly moving. Until, you see it, touch it, feel it for yourself can there be change.

After investigating some of the possible reasons and attitudes about thought let us summarize or recount what we went over. It is evident that we have very little first-hand understanding of thought. We have plenty of second-hand knowledge, conclusion and theory of what others have said about it. But, we have no personal grasp or real insight into the essence of it. Though it is one of the most important things in life and living. Having no understanding of our thoughts or behavior we facilitate and energize the chattering and moving by sustaining conflict. We sustain it through liking, disliking, judging and condemning thought. When liking, disliking, judging and condemning is just another part or fragment of thought. To observe, watch and learn about this is a part of awareness that we have yet to really deeply go over. We will do so in the next chapter. Right now, there are other very important contributing factors to the dynamics of this problem.

That problem is tradition, belief and education, we have just accepted, (what is). But, (what is), is not always an unchangeable fact, it could only appear that way. That is why we inquire, explore and test because we don't know. We become psychological weaklings when you do not try to understand it for ourselves. We can learn to deal with one problem and then maybe discover how to solve other ones. Handing everything over to the expert who does the deciphering of problems for us you become little more helpless. So in becoming helpless observing, watching and listening have very little importance being not our own expert.
Chapter 12

Observing, Watching, Listening

Beginning this chapter is a little difficult for the author because he will rely on a presumption. Presuming things sometimes leads to misinterpretation and confusion, only God knows we need any more of that. Our leap of faith will be a conservative and safe one though. We will only assume you have read from the beginning and have gathered a general sense of what awareness is now. That in this new understanding we can take a look at some commonalities you will experience.

Sometimes, you are enjoying the crisp and clear sound of a bird singing. Seconds later thought arises naming and recalling information about the bird. You have stopped listening to the sound clouding the moment losing the joy. Maybe, you become aware of a beautiful woman or a handsome man. Then thinking comes in and says how nice it would be to have them and a lot of other mess. Or, become aware of a thought that doesn't suit your taste. Then you judge or condemn it keeping the reactionary process going. These are some very common scenarios in the beginning of becoming aware.

What we recognize from all these cases, that there is a listener, observer or watcher in this process. Also, there is this secondary function of the brain that operates almost simultaneously. We want to find out if this secondary operation is something to concern ourselves with or not? Is this just the phenomenal brain merely multitasking, so to speak? Or, is the brain eternally divided and fragmented into parts or pieces? The first question the author would like to answer right away, the others we will have to delve into a little later. The secondary operation should concern us because of the division it brings. The mind being divided, as we have said, causes conflict and wastes energy. This division and the subsequent conflict is the total denial of being whole and living a "holistic" life. A mind that is whole, not divided or operating in conflict would be paramount to this kind of living. Only a life and mind that is whole could find peace, love and joy.

The author has mentioned fairly regularly through the text about the necessity of energy. Energy needed to break through and change age old patterns that have solidified in the mind. We briefly went into the wasting and depletion of energy through superficial activities and psychological conflict. But, the writer thinks we need to address this issue a little further to understand the urgency. We only seem to have the sufficient energy for only brief periods and for short moments. Which is not enough to help us change or transform ourselves. For some, just observing, watching and listening alone requires significant energy and even that becomes an ordeal. So, where is this continuous and sufficient energy to come from? Clearly, when something is very pleasurable or really important we have energy to the excess. We will move mountains to have our pleasure and fulfill a burning desire. So, we do not lack or need more energy, for that is not the problem. But how it is wasted and dispersed are the areas we need to look at.

Observing, watching and listening is the bringing together of energy to a focus. In this gathering of energy is the ability to observe, watch or listen that goes beyond the mediocre routine. Being out of the routine of many years naturally you will see more and different things. This is what makes being aware fun and not a chore. It is exciting to really see the beauty of a tree that we have never even noticed. Or, for the first time hearing so clearly a screeching train whistle blasting its way through the chilly air. Feeling, hearing or thinking things with clarity and in different ways, is exciting. It is important for us to allow this action to happen in the right spirit or we see no beauty in life.

Once you begin to become sensitive and bloom to get accustomed and comfortable to the new discovery, then many begin to make a new routine or fresh pattern out of this finding. A lot of times this is as far as many go into awareness. They are satisfied and content with that and nothing can move them. Awareness is not a plaything or a feel good activity. But, it is about understanding yourself, not about achieving an experience or even finding inner peace. Though, you "may or probably will" find inner peace in "knowing thyself", but that would be out of line for me to say. Knowing or understanding yourself is nothing you can take lightly. It has to be done in seriousness, humility and courage, (where there is still the fun in doing this!). Making a dramatic change in ourselves stimulates your whole being where there is an enjoyment. Not being satisfied and content with the known we move towards this joy and begin taking steps into the unknown. If you are ready and willing for that, then we can explore and inquire much deeper.

"Deeper," to the author would be to introduce the observer, watcher or listener, which basically they are all one in the same. The writer for now on would like to primarily use just one term, "the observer," for clarification purposes. The observer is only the description, just the word, a mere name we give a part of consciousness that has awakened. Part of consciousness that has a gathered and focus of energy directed to observe and watch. This is the best explanation that he can give you. As far explanations go this is a pretty clear one. Of course, it is necessary to beyond the verbal explanation and actually be the observer. Where when we use the word, observer, there is no need to think about what it means. Immediately, you are that and understand it so completely, there is no need for a description, word and name. Which only communicate the idea something anyway, once it has been received let the word go. Sounds pretty simple in concept, but it is not so easy.

Try to see fear in yourself and stay with it, without the word! It is a little difficult, because of the traditional pattern of thinking and our education has been to function in this way. For the brain, observer, the you to accept the idea, as being the actual or real. This takes energy and a seriousness to see and capture this fact. So, when the author says deeper in this case he means the serious observer. The observer is watching self, thought and environment understanding how certain things came about and function the way they do. Do not make this mistake and think the observer is a higher space of consciousness. Neither is it a more intelligent portion of the brain or a righteous you. Where it is overlooking, being a spectator and are separate from the observation. The observer is just a part of consciousness, there is no higher or lower. It is just gathered energy that is aware, alert, and attentive sort of like when you are asked to concentrate. Where it has made space within consciousness, partially awakened the brain and ignited a tiny flame in you.

It is important before we go any further into the observer or observing we have the same meaning in mind and understanding of the word. Observing and even watching are used in a general way many times that implies non-participation, pacifism and uncaring. But, within the framework of awareness, observation or watching carry the meaning of participating, acting and challenging because it does care. In this caring it sees the necessity of change. It is a movement that works and digs deep in order to understand. If, you see observing in this way, I think you and the author are on the same page. If, not then there will be problems in going deeper.

A working and serious observation inquires, investigates, wants to see why things are the way they are. Does not accept everything, by saying "it is just the way I am or only being me"! I hear this escape all being used all the time. The author replies many times to these kind of statements by asking people some intriguing questions. He usually asks, "Who is this you? How did this me come about? What makes up this I?" People look at me so stunned and confused as if I had asked the most atrocious or impossible of questions. You may also think that these questions are most atrocious and impossible to answer, but the fact still remains. The fact that we just repeat what is commonly said and accepted as self-knowing. When we really are ignorant to who this self, I or me actually is. We think the self, I or me is something holy, unique and original piece of work. In body, intellect and individual talents that may be somewhat true. But, psychologically, that is far from being correct. Psychologically, we are a collection of prejudices, conclusions and beliefs from the past. They are just old accumulations or past experiences that we just repeat and follow. There is nothing holy, unique or original in them.

In the beginning, we said just to observe maybe a task in itself for you. We have so many and different activities to do. We have problems of relationship, financial and world affairs to deal with. With a limited amount of energy and the many responsibilities we have observing seems to be rather arduous. Not to mention, this movement brings and creates conflict. Because being aware allows you to see more of the contradiction within self and outside of it. For the first time in your life (maybe) you are looking, doubting and not just accepting. Things you believed and thought were true you begin to perceive the false in them. Though, sometimes this is a intense internal struggle, but yet not the wastage of energy. It is important that we know the difference. This conflict is the work of truth freeing the mind from the mechanical use of energy, which is the waste. An inquiring awareness is something totally new and a challenge to the mechanical way of living. Our long standing traditions of the mind, habits and patterns of thinking are the mechanical. And brain wants to keep it that way, so some reverberations can be expected.

When writing about an active observation and inquiring awareness the author sees we have left the confines of Awareness 101. The skill level he applied to the format has now been breached. All he can say is this not the basic previously written about. This is awareness that has the added energy of passion to it. A passion that comes from perceiving the lives we lead and the world with all honesty and humility. Honest and humble enough to actually see the terrible and superficial lives we lead. To perceive the crazy and chaotic world we live in and how it has created you. And how that you, has helped establishing the world. We think incorrectly and there is a misnomer that the individual does not have very much to do with impact on the whole scheme of things. When what you think, believe and how you behave has a tremendous importance. The individual is the world and the environment created the psychological you, that is our connection.

Most people will totally deny and disagree strongly with this statement. Especially, Christians and other religious people that have been pounded over the head that they are separate from the world. Somehow, thinking they have left all the influence and conditioning, by accepting a strong belief. The society is jealous and envious, are you not filled with jealousy or envy? The environment has divided people - have you not the divisions of religions, denominations, and nationalities? We could go on and on with parities of the world and you but this would not help you see the fact. If, there is no care, honesty and humility to even look then any kind parity would be immediately rationalized or dismissed.

The observer in awareness is a complex but very interesting topic to go into. Because the observer is not a constantly stable and fixed entity. It moves, changes and adapts in living as the rest of the self does. Communicating its delicate and intricate nature with the written word is a great challenge for the author. A challenge of a clear and concise explanation which is not too technical yet fundamentally sound. We will begin by saying observation is not only with the physical eye but also must mentally see to be complete. That eye in the psyche that catches an imagination, snares a remembrance or seizes a dream we have to use. Using both of these eyes let us take a look at ourselves and living.

What actually is or the fact of our life and living? Without a doubt there is quite a bit of misery, sadness and sorrow in living. There is some joy in life, we may love occasionally and sometimes experience the beauty of the earth. What we know most of all are the burden of worries, fulfilling ambitions, dodging fears and pursuing of pleasure, then you die. This is the sum total of existence and I guess, our reason for being? To withstand and survive this life in the most comfortable or pleasing fashion as you can seems to be the meager goal of living. Because you have the cushy promise of heaven, moksha or of being reincarnated to fall back on hoping the next life is better than this one.

If you look at this deeply, this superficial goal and shallow perception is a right ingredient for a recipe for much sorrow, misery and suffering. A perfect element in the formula of building anger, lack of caring and a hate for this life. Where tomorrow's promises are more important sometimes than the real of today. It is a shame to say that this has been the pattern and habit of mankind's thinking for millenniums repeated through history. What about the living now? Now, is much more significant and real than any belief in heaven, moksha or reincarnation. Seeing, if it is possible to be free of worries or fears. Inquiring, to find out why ambition and the pursuit of pleasure is such the dominating content of our existence seems most important. To have this kind of freedom and vitality to inquire and explore living as it is (not in the hope of finding something else) sounds like a tremendous thing. It would be pushing through the old and living life in a different dimension.

A dimension brought about by facing the cold hard facts of a brain caught in repeating a pattern that is centuries old. The impossible question is, can we change this old pattern of the mind and thus discover something new? The only possible entity that can break through the old and discover the new is the observer. This entity once seeing the false and old it can let go or dissolve the process. By what means is the observer to do this? When it is made up of the false and old?

An example we could take would be the memory of a particular thought that occasionally arises for an unknown reason. This thought is not of the ordinary or superficial content, but one that disturbs you, causes anxiety and discomfort. There is a lot of emotion behind it, stirs up fear and creates a chain reaction of other conflicting thinking. Can the mind break through the fear or dislike and then capture that thought? By capture we mean, can our minds be quick enough to observe a thought from its beginning and follow it to the very end without judging, condemning or yielding to that movement? The idea is to do this while staying with or holding the sensation and feeling as long as you can. If, we can do that the thought may rise again, but it will not have the same energy and emotional impact. Because you have begun to understand it and free yourself, somewhat anyway. During all this action, it is important to yet still be very aware of your surroundings. If you are involved in another activity when still be attentive to everything. Not to concentrate on the thought to where all of your energy and focus is at one point. But, have an attention that participates, without really participating. If this, previous statement does not make any sense to you that is very understandable. Because this is one of the intricacies you come upon through the act of doing. Simplified, attention is participating, but not consumed within the same old thought pattern of denial and resistance.

There is only one brain that is producing thought. So, one part of the mind with gathered energy, aware and alert (the observer) is quiet or not moving at the moment. The thought that you or the observer become aware of, obviously has been produced by another segment of the brain. In this we can see the fact that the mind is divided or fragmented. There is a division between the observer and observed, which means there will be conflict or contradiction. The observer does not like or agree with the observed thought so it says this not me, when actually it is. Energy is being used and wasted in the battle to bring itself to order. Attention bridges that gap between observer and the observed, it (is that), which captures thought.

Anger, fear, or desire; just to name a few, are sometimes some intense and strong emotions. Where they bring us to a similar state of attention to what we are looking into. In which we are briefly and fully with that anger or fear there is no division between the observer and observed. There is no me or I and "we are the anger, fear and desire". There becomes a separation and division happens when thought comes in wanting to escape or change it. The attention escapes us when thought, remembers the last time. Where that emotion has overtaken all your senses and reason. That we did something stupid and you do not want that to happen again. We remember these illogical and unreasonable actions; so we judge and condemn the experience then pushing it into the unconscious. You are prejudiced against, the conscious now fears these things, so it will not even look at them clearly or rationally.

Or, you may not push the incident into the unconscious and analyze it and try to find out why it so intense. But, analyzing it will always be through the screen of fear, judgment as being bad or evil. Who is the analyzer? Is it not you who is the anger, fear and desire? Or if you go to a specialist can we be sure all the reasons have been uncovered? In the author's mind it would take years to solve anything. If we are attentive and have attention there is no judgment or condemnation. We will fear, get angry and desire may seem so overwhelming, but that attentiveness and attention owns it. Not (own) in the typical meaning of the word, but, (own) being without separation or division. By quickly interceding to what is behind the drive to act, instead of yielding to the outward expression. The observer is the sensation, emotion and feeling and stays with (that). If the it can stay with the intensity of (that), then we can possibly dissolve it completely. We want catch or capture things while they are still a little baby, not so much when it is full grown and well developed. In this alertness or understanding comes the rationale to why we observe, watch and listen!
Chapter 13

Attention

As the author previously stated we are no longer into the basics of awareness when we bring the subject of active observation or attention. What will remain basic and simple are the author's terminology he uses and the explanations. We will launch our journey into the "deeper" awareness at a stage where it is now expanding, moving out and capturing. No longer is awareness mere observing and watching, but it takes on a tinge of "aggressiveness." Observing and watching becomes offensive in nature, rather than always being on the defensive end.

Not because of the practice, will-power and effort you put into it; but because of the energy and passion to investigate or discover what is true. You now at least partially see the chaos, confusion and contradiction in yourself, society and the world. Then in your heart of hearts think it is possible and a credible thing to do something about this. Beginning with ourselves first seeing if any real change is to occur, it has to begin there. Finding, in the transformation of us changes society and the world. It may sound a little "high minded" to think that one person can cause a change in society and the world. Jesus, Buddha and Einstein have all have impacted the world, why not you? In the possibility and credibility of changing comes the energy of passion. That passion causes awareness to bloom like a flower. Instead of a flower, the observer or watcher is blossoming to the level of attentiveness and attention.

Since we know so little about the meaning of attention maybe looking it up in the dictionary would shed some light. In the dictionary this word attention has many synonyms applied to it. Concentration, immersion and enthrallment are a few that the dictionary qualifies as having a synonymous meaning. But, all of these descriptive words seem to fall short of how to best describe the action we want to talk about.

So, we move to the etymological dictionary to see what the history and the root meaning of some of these words are. To concentrate, according to the etymological dictionary, is to bring your focus to a center, which is what we have been communicating. Then we have immersion which is derived from the word merge, "to plunge or dip," that sounds similar also to what we are doing. Enthrallment or enthrall, which means to hold in mental bondage, this is too could be perceived as relatively close to our issue. But, the etymological meaning of attention, you get different aspect that separates it from the rest. Attention, is from the word attend, the "stretching of one's mind towards something." Concentration, immersion and enthrallment seem to reference and imply a solitary movement. Attention has the attributes of all three descriptive words that we inquired about. Though, the "stretching out" description is unique unto itself. Hopefully, we can make it clear why attention is the best word to use when pondering this subject. Though we must remember the description or word attention is not the actual movement of attentiveness.

In the previous chapter we used anger, fear and desire in examples. That when there is intensity behind these emotions, if our minds are quick, we will recognize a momentarily state of attention. It is only momentary, because thought comes in where either we yield to their intensity or fight and escape the reality. For a brief time, we are the anger, fear and desire! There is no description or word needed you are that! There is no division or conflict between the observer and observed.

We are unaware, that we have this kind of attention at times. Attention is probably a fairly common experience for some of us. Because we are full of repressed and suppressed anger, fear or desire that is just burning to be expressed. If any of those are not on fire, then it jealousy, envy and greed that rages. It happens with or without the author detailing the attributes of awareness and attention. When practically every day we are subjected to attention, but too slow of mind to catch it. Our minds just have to be quick, alert and sensitive, and then you will come to understand what attention is.

Even just as a mental concept or to intellectually conceive what attention is you can see some appealing possibilities in it. The possibility of immediately going to a problems root instead analyzing for many months or years. The potential of slowing or quieting thought to where the mind can rest and conserve energy. The prospect of a transforming the mind sounds like something worth pursuing. Appealing, as it may sound to you, there should be a sign that says, "Proceed with caution." Proceed with caution, because of the mind's ability to play tricks. One favorite trick or trap is thought "Thinking," that it is aware and attentive. This situation is especially prevalent when attention or awareness is looked upon as something to be achieved or attained. Obviously sometimes you are going to be inattentive and unaware. We are programmed to succeed and accomplish, so that pressure for more awareness or better attention is the driving force. Being driven and compelled, we unknowingly sometimes take the illusion for the real. The observer still "Thinking" it is separate from the observed, which is awareness in some sense of the word. But, it is not the energetic awareness that contains attention.

Attention is a movement and not some fixed system or standardized method you can willingly apply to get from one point to another. It has the movement like concentration that gathers energy. There is the vitality of immersion plunging deeply into things. There is the action to enthrall where it holds and captures. Last, but not least attention has the action of stretching out without limits. It's not you or your will power that does the stretching out, but the energy and passion of mind. A mind energetic and passionate reaches out because it wants to discover that which is True.

THE END
About the Author

Born and raised in Topeka, Kansas with eight siblings. Now a divorced father of three children residing in Carrollton, Texas. Attended University of Kansas and Denver Metropolitan State studying religion and psychology. Ex-Christian minister and Mental Health Technician. Devoted, serious religious-spiritual traveler and seeker of the Truth.. Comments or questions send to; mailto:terenced33@gmail.com
