

David McGhee

Published by: David McGhee at Smashwords
Slim Pickens Does the Right Thing and Rides the Bomb to Hell

By: David McGhee

Copyright © 2013 David McGhee

Cover design copyright © 2013 by David McGhee

Book design and layout copyright © 2013 by David McGhee
This is a work of fiction, and the views expressed herein are the sole responsibility of the author. Likewise, characters, places, and incidents are either the product of the author's imagination or are represented fictitiously, and any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, or actual events or locales, is entirely coincidental.

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This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, brands, media, and incidents are either of the authors own imagination or are used fictitiously. The author acknowledges the trademarked status and trademark owners of the various products and brands mentioned in this work of fiction which have been used without permission. The publication use of these trademarks is not authorized, associated with, or sponsored by the trademark owners.

This ebook is licensed for your personal enjoyment only. This ebook may not be re-sold or given away to other people. If you would like to share this book with another person, please purchase an additional copy for each recipient. If you're reading this book and did not purchase it, or it was not purchased for your use only, then please return to Smashwords.com and purchase your own copy. Thank you for respecting the hard work of this author.

For Frank Registrato

For being more awesomer than caramel on cinnamon sugar toast!
"Most people are other people. Their thoughts are someone else's opinions. Their lives a mimicry. Their passions a quotation." - Oscar Wilde"

"I, I, I, and we're pouring gasoline

So dance around the fire that we once believed in"

-The Offspring

"There's a Bible in the drawer, maybe I can help myself."

-The Gamits
Chapter 1

It was a cold and pretty December night in the quiet mountain town of Goodington Colorado. The residences of this fine establishment were a fine Christian bunch. With the high percentage of local business owners, it was a Republican's dream come true. For the most part the place was conservative. While the rest of the state grew into it's truer bluer self, Goodington stepped backwards in time it seemed. There was no abortion to be talked about. The only Planned Parenthood in the area had been torn down and replaced with a Christian Science reading room.

Ronny was but one position away from running the only church in town. It was a Catholic church and had nearly every three hundred persons in town as part of it's congregation. Ronny never believed that when he was a kid that you could get paid to talk about God. It came naturally to him anyways. So it wasn't like it was that far of a stretch for him to find time to pray with some of the town's more downtrodden.

The air was crisp and he was walking along the hiking path next to the end of the church. Saint Vincent was an enormous structure. If the town had any homeless people then they could easily have stayed in the guest rooms on the top floor. How the town managed without a single out of work member was something of a social scientist's dream.

He felt good tonight. He had brought along his telescope, a meager two hundred dollar model, and was hoping to see some shooting stars tonight. He was fascinated by space debri. If he could just get passed his beliefs on creation then he could fully comprehend the marvel of space dust and such. He read somewhere that many scientists found amino acids in the frozen water of meteors. Just another sign that there was a God in the heavens.

Ronny picked out a good spot near a clearing not a mile from the church. He set it up by connecting the two pieces and sat it on a blanket on the ground. He looked into the lens and saw a gray smudge on the tip. When he tried to clean it off he seemed to only make the thing bigger. When he looked at the sky without the aid of his instrument he also saw a large gray piece of space awesomeness falling toward him. Ronny knew that these things sometimes clocked in at nearly twenty thousand miles per hour. Ronny sat back and watched as the falling piece of sky landed somewhere a mile or so from him. He believed that men were special in God's eyes. Otherwise why would he have privileged those with a penis with superior depth perception.

Ronny got out his small notebook and wrote down the incident. He was about to get up and go find the fallen star when he heard a russling in the air. He looked back into the lens and saw more coming his way. He packed up and hid by a tree until the three second long bombardment happened all around him. Small specks of what looked like dust swam past him and knocked down flower beds flat. He heard one piece hit a tree and it immediately caught on fire. He was starting to worry about his safety and put his telescope into his night bag.

As he was leaving the area he saw down the ways in the field before him a little pyre of smoke. An errant comet had smashed into a tree and tore it in two. He walked for the longest time to the scene of the mishap and took a closer look.

There was a circle of fire encasing the grounds and in the middle of the ring of heat was a small glob of red jelly. Ronny knew this would be a significant find but couldn't help but touch it. He dipped his right forefinger into the mound of redness and he instantly felt a prickling sensation.

His last thoughts before the red gore made it's way up his arm, as if giving gravity the finger, and covered him compleltely in less than five seconds. The last thing he got out of his mouth before the stuff filled into his mouth was "Me and my stupid curiosity!"

Then he was a pile of red jelly. And in the midst of the thing churning and slopping in on itself, Ronny's skull reformed near the top of it and the rest of the skeleton climbed out of the ooze. The red goop started forming skin and muscles and organs. After a few moments the thing resembled the basic structure of a human. When it had finished it had completely cloned Ronny, naked as the day he was born, only a lot taller.

Naked and sweating, Ronny walked back to his camp site and grabbed a bottle of water. He stood before the town on a hill naked and said. "And then God said..." He tiled his head and cracked his neck. "Let there be light!"

His maniacal laughs were not heard however. All the God fearing people of this town had already hit the hay no later than seven that night. The town was his for the taking.

"Delicious." He said as he smacked his lips. Ronny took another drink of his Avian bottled water. This was the start of something grand. A new page in the history of the world. Ronny, unknowingly, had done something that had eluded scientists and crazy people for thousands of years. He had made first contact, and by the looks of it, had also provided a substantial meal for the visiting mound of red jelly.

"Delicious." Ronny said again with another long drink from his water.

Chapter 2

It was a cold December weekday night, not unlike the one that Ronny had enjoyed, at the Denver Auraria campus dorm, appropriately named, "Auraria Campus Dormitories". Mike had no homework to get done and wouldn't have anything to really do until finals on Friday that week. Most of his teachers had decided to let the interim be spent studying, which really wasn't necessary for Mike seeing as he tended to absorb everything the first time around. Instead he was spending this time mourning a death that he felt solely responsible for.He slouched on his bed with his head in his hands, his roommate, Zack, was sitting crossed legged on his mattress and listening to some old seventies punk records on his Iphone.

Nothing had ever hurt this much before. Hurt like this was an unknown feeling to Mike seeing as he had the autistic disorder Asperger's. It basically means that he was extremely smart but severely lacked the social and empathy skills that make most people able to function in society and make friends like a normal person. To have Asperger's was to truly feel alone. Mainly because those who suffer from it can never really empathize with his fellow humans. It was this lack of understanding that made life hard for him. He could never say the right thing or do what he felt was the good thing to do without somebody telling him that he had royally fucked himself and the others around him over. Right now, it felt as if someone had tied his heart up with steel chains and tied it to two SUVs going the opposite directions SUVs suck, he thought to himself warily. What kind of person needed a vehicle fourteen sizes bigger than they were? They were unnecessary and anything unnecessary in Mike's eyes was just unnecessary.

He had thought about the tragedy constantly since it happened two days earlier. She was so young. Pretty too. Well as pretty as one could get without going into the smelly gills and fin rot. He hadn't kept her aquarium in the best of order. He felt he was mostly to blame for this homicide. His girlfriend couldn't see why it had upset him so much but they had been friends for nearly two years and she was always there for him. Sometimes to cheer him up she'd eat a small frog whole. She was just like that, always so accommodating and eager to please. Well, as pleasing as a fish could get for Christ's sake. It was a fucking fish for crying out loud.

The night passed slowly and the shadows in the room sat still. Time seemed to flow and stop like burnt caramel running down cinnamon toast. If only he could take his mind off of her long enough to fall asleep. He did not want to take another Ativan, he'd already taken six that day and anymore would leave him short for the rest of the week. Mike was pretty sure that by now he was addicted to the stuff. He didn't want to see what it felt like going cold turkey either. Benzodiazepines such as Ativan and Valium were known to cause seizures when discontinued abruptly.

He began to cry into his shirt sleeve. Zack looked over to his right toward him and snarled. "Are you still sad about that stupid piranha?" He put his phone down and scratched his barely there ass.

Mike sniffled and wiped his eyes with his blanket. "It wasn't a piranha." Mike slurped up a stray boogie running from his nose. "She was a red bellied pacu!"

Zack scoffed and then stopped himself. "How can you tell if it was a female?"

"Because," Mike had to stop and think about it for a second. He paused. "because girls are nicer than guys?" Mike said with an eyebrow raised. "I don't know."

"I'm a nice guy." Zack countered as he blew out a ring of smoke from the last bit of cigarette he had in his hand.

"You're not a nice guy." Mike said in between his sniffles. "You're a dick."

"I'm not a dick," Zack said. "I'm an asshole." He reached into his blue and black striped punk trouser pants pocket and took out a pack of delicious and satisfying Pall Mall® menthol cigarettes, knowing full and well that smoking was not allowed in the dorms. "You're just jealous because I have a nine inch cock." He cackled and lit a cigarette.

"You're not special," Mike said softly. "you're just a freak of nature who will never be loved.""I can make a girl come sixteen times before I do." Zack said with a self satisfied wink.

"That's only because they have low standards."

Zack took another drag and put the ash in his once refreshing yet satisfying Dr. Pepper® can. "Whatever." Zack, to put it lightly, was a total man whore. He was six three and had to be all but one hundred and ten pounds soaking wet. His boney features highlighted his high cheeks and his pale skin was the color of unbleached hemp paper. For the longest time Mike thought he had some sort of liver disease because he would go into bouts of being yellow skinned to being full of color. He had short, spikey black hair and wore a lip ring on the left side of his mouth. So late nineties. His hands and feet were attractions in of themselves and he was an overall extremely lanky man. He was very good with girls thought. For some reason he always acted like a dick but they seemed to dig it, probably the whole bad boy punk thing. Either that or chicks just dig tall skinny dudes.

But Zack was about as feminine as Mike was when it came to outer appearances. Zack had ling manly hands while Mike had short stubby digits protruding from a hammy piece of hand. The one thing Mike hadn't seen from Zack was his feet, which he assumed had long toes and skinny boney soles. Mike sighed. He was lucky to have a girlfriend, but sometimes he wished he could just go to a bar and tell a girl that he was hung so he could get her into bed with him. When it came to sex Mike wasn't the most knowledgeable subject. What he had learned about the ladies had come from both Zack, with his Don Juan ways, and Anna, Mike girlfriend, who grounded him in reality as to what a girl really wants.

Mike was sure that all girls wanted was a tall guy with a huge dick. Size does matter, he thought morosely.

Mike put his head back in his hands. Zack took another hit of his cigarette.

"Why would you care about a piranha?" Zack said, checking his phone for a text.

"Because I've had her for the longest time that I've had any pet." Mike sniffled. "I don't know. She was just comfortable I suppose."

"Again," Zack got up and went over to the fridge that sat on the floor next to the door for another Dr. Pepper. "how can you tell it was a she?"

Mike had to stop a minute. When Zack looked over Mike had a stupid "I don't really know" expression in his eyes.

"Google that shit." Zack said with a minimal of excitement as he opened the soda can. Mike took out his Android phone and did as he was told. Ironically, it was Yahoo! Answers that satiated the young duo's curiosity.

"It just says that the males have a larger red spot on their undersides and pointier dorsal fins." Mike said as he put the phone down and looked over Zack's way. Zack raised an eyebrow.

"And you can compare yours to what now?" Zack asked. "Do you even remember what it looked like?"

"I dunno," Mike rubbed his temples. "she was the only one I've ever seen." He got up and stretched over his bed. "I mean, I've seen schools of them at the pet shop but I never stopped to look at its dorsal fin." Mike climbed back onto the bed and sighed.

Zack snickered and put his headphones back on. Taking the last drag of his cigarette he ashed the fucker and pulled another one out from the box that lay beside him on his bed. Zack had a thing for black and had decorated his side of the room accordingly. One girlfriend of his told him that it made him seem more like a goth than a punk. Zack had come back with something funny to say but in the end it didn't matter what colors his sheets were, they'll only just get stained white anyways from the inevitable cum stain. Zack blew another ring of smoke out of his mouth. He ashed it over the Dr. Pepper and accidently dropped the burnt cinder into the can. Now he had to relight it.

"Again," Zack began, "how can you tell it was a she?"

"I just like to think it was a she."

Zack lit the cigarette again with his naked girl Zippo and smoked a quarter of it in one long drag.

"How do fish even have sex?" Zack asked.

"Um..." Mike knew this one without having to go online for the answer. "Fish don't have sex. The female lays her eggs somewhere hidden and safe from predators while the male comes along afterwords and spews his semen all over the eggs."

"You mean the men fish don't dick their women?" Zack said this with a laugh.

"That's exactly what I'm saying." Mike said, laying down his full five seven frame along his dormitory bed. It wasn't the most comfortable of mattresses and he's sure that the stains below the sheets were not made from any kind of food he could think of. He could run a black light over it but he'd be afraid of what he'd find. Come to think of it, college guys were pigs. He had never taken on the freshmen fifteen but Zack sort of did. In his own way. He had gained ten pounds in the gut and once it came to his attention that he might have been gaining weight he put himself on methamphetamine for a week and quickly lost the weight. Mike had made him throw away all of his dirty needles for both safety reasons and so that Zack wouldn't be tempted to do it again in case he gained a pound or two.

Zack turned his music back on and started humming The Buzzcocks Autonomy softly to himself. Mike turned over and away from Zack and hugged his down feather pillow. Why was he so sad over this? Mike figured that he'd always loved animals, sometimes to the point of alienating his peers. They just seemed to like you no matter what you did that day or who you pissed off. Animals don't care if you can't say the right words at the right time. All you had to do was feed them, change their litter or walk them, and give them a little attention and they were happy. Or at least, and most importantly, you could actually feel like you made a difference in something's life. A positivity that Mike had long since let go as a pipe dream. He was a realist. He knew that there was no God in heaven and that the devils and demons of the world were jerks like Zack and men who ran fortune five hundred companies. He could see Zack be successful in business, even though he was going to school to be a gynecologist.

Zack loved pussy to his very core. He was sure that his being born via a vagina had impossible implications on his life. He came from the vagina and tried to put as much of himself back into them as he possibly could. The fact that he hadn't gotten a girl pregnant yet was nothing short of a miracle. Mike was sure that he was fucking right now with his head turned to his pillow. It would not have surprised him to find that a woman had materialized in Zack's bed. What a man whore... Mike thought. The idea made him excited but only by proxy. He could never be the cool guy that Zack was. Although he was sad, he still enjoyed riding Zack's masculine coattails.

Aside from Zack, there was only one other person in Mike's life. As mentioned earlier. Her name was Anna. They'd met last semester when President Obama came to the campus to talk about college being the most important thing in a young person's life. Mike was going to go up to him and give him a demo of his band The Naked Lunches, which when thought of in retrospect, probably wasn't a good idea. Especially since one of their songs was a cover of the Offspring's Kill The President. It was things like this that weren't fully thought out before hand that always seemed to land Mike in trouble. He was in line for the meet and greet and Anna was behind him. She had asked what the CD was for and Mike said he wanted to give it to the president. With a sigh she asked him if he was crazy.

"Not crazy." Mike had said. He thought it over for a moment more"But I am autistic."

This seemed to bring out the maternal instinct in Anna because she took the CD from his hand and told him gently that this was inappropriate behavior when meeting someone like the president. Mike thought about it and accepted what she had said as truth. At least he was pretty sure she spoke with a wisened mind. She was amazing. She even knew math and didn't slam Mike for not knowing his Pythagorean Theorem from his asshole. To be fair though, his asshole also correlated to the size of his hypotenuse. What ever that means. Probably nothing. Mike was hungry.

Mike and Anna never did get to see the man in charge of the United States but they did get out of line and go up to the Starbucks across the street. It was there that she told him that she is going to school to be a teacher for special needs children. That's how she knew how to handle Mike before he completed the task that he had set out to do. Mike fell for her hard but always asked himself in the back of his mind whether or not he was good enough for her.

Zack always joked about how he was going to take her away from him, he even tried a few times with great gusto, but to no avail. At least that's the story she told him. If he was a girl he'd fuck Zack. He didn't understand why he thought about that as much as he did but he was just happy that Anna still let him stay at her apartment when he got sad and that they talked every day.

Tomorrow was his free day, well aside from going to see his counselor, and Anna had told him that she'd treat him to anything reasonably priced. For Mike, this probably meant Chipotle. Chipotle made huge burritos from the ingredients laid out on a bar. First were the beans and rice (brown or white), then the meat, and then your choice of salsas. Then they wrapped it all up in a tortilla and charged you eight bucks for it. It was a pretty good buy when you take in the fact that one burrito could last you for two days. Mike always got the vegetarian bowl because it came with guacamole and also he knew that the tortilla alone was like five hundred calories. Not that he really had anything to worry about, Mike had been scrawny all his life but if he ate too much it always made him sick.

Before Mike drifted off to sleep his last thoughts were of Mega Bite. Would he get another one? Could he take care of it like he did that one? He curled up into the fetal position and wrapped his blanket around him. Then he was asleep.

Mike waited in the waiting room over at his therapist's office. It was a drab and shaggy place with manila colored walls and widescreen TV's on them with displays of calming meadows with soft instrumental music being piped in via the stereo speakers. There was a section out in the far right side corner where kids could play with the many toys and such provided by the office. The magazine selection sucked ass in his opinion, nothing but old Popular Mechanics and that dreadful Oprah magazine, the one in which it was either Rachael Ray on the cover or Dr. Oz. Or whatever person she was hocking that week.

Mike sighed; at least he brought a book. He was currently reading Planet of the Apes. So far it was nothing like the horrible Charlton Hesston movie made back in the sixties. This one took place in a lush meadow and in a society that had civilized cities. Also the apes didn't speak English, which was always something Mike wondered about when he watched movies dealing with completely different beings other than humans. Like in some sci-fi films and books the protagonist would travel fifty million light years away to another planet only to find out that not only do the aliens walk on two legs and have necks, but they also spoke English too! It always left him feeling cheated.

His Therapist, George, escorted a tall fat man out of his office and motioned for him to come in. As he passed, the fat man scratched his butt and Mike could see his ass crack just poking through the man's too small sweat pants. Mike never liked to judge but it was things like that that tested his patience.

When he got to the room he sat on his usual chair, by which there were three in the room, but his was the blue one. George closed the door behind him and sat at his desk directly in front of Mike.

"So how have you been this week?" George asked sweetly.

Mike scratched his nose. "OK I guess. My fish died."

"Oh no! Not the piranha?"

Mike looked away from the man and over at his PhD's on the right side of the room.

"It wasn't a piranha," Mike corrected him, "it was a red bellied pacu."

"What's the difference?" George asked.

"One is legal and one isn't. You can't have real piranhas in Colorado because they could get out and multiply in the water here."

George smiled. "How are you dealing with this?

Mike shook his head and fought back the tears. "I dunno. I've been taking a lot of Ativan lately."

"Not abusing it I hope?"

Mike looked offended. "I'm not an addict."

"You never know what could send you down that road."

Mike used to take prescription pain killers before going to rehab a few years ago. The fact that they let him even take a low dose of Ativan was beyond him. He was grateful for it but all in all, it made them out to be the one's pushing the drugs on him. Then again, he couldn't handle the crowds at school, too many scary guys who looked like they were a comment away from hitting him in the face.

That made him think of Zack and he shivered.

"Why are you shaking Michael?" George asked.

"Just thinking of my roommate." Mike replied.

"Has he done anything to you?"

"No..." Mike confessed. "I just feel inferior around other guys. I don't know why Anna even likes me."

"Have you ever thought that maybe she likes you more for your personality?"

"I think she likes me because I am like one of her special needs kids." Mike rolled his shoulders.

"Maybe she is just a caring person?"

"That could be it, but I know deep down inside her she wants a beer drinking, bitch fucking, football watching asshole."

"Why do you have these stereotyped views on other people?"

"Because other people lick donkey balls."

"I wouldn't say that." George took off his glasses and wiped them clean with his dress shirt. "Would you say that I participate in that activity?"

Mike scowled as if he had just swallowed a spider.

"I don't know what you do when you're not in here." Mike said.

"I certainly don't lick donkey privates." George laughed, it made Mike uneasy and he wished he could take a chill pill right at that moment.

"Well then you probably are a connoisseur of finer stock animal genitalia." Mike bent over and hugged his knees. He was getting in over his head he felt. Where was this going?

"Well I have had rocky mountain oysters before." George chuckled. "Have you ever tried those?"

"You mean fried buffalo balls?"

"If you want to put it that way, then yes."

Mike closed his eyes tightly until he began to see stars.

"I remember the first time I had them..." George began.

Mike made a guttural sound and put his head between his knees.

That night Anna made good on her promise to treat Mike out to lunch and / or dinner, which tonight it happened to be dinner. Instead of Chipotle, she decided to take him to a fancy steak house restaurant. Which judging by the menu prices, meant that she was trying to get into his pants. Or at least that's what she hoped would happen. He was the most unselfish lover she had ever had. He was always concerned with her well being in bed. It was refreshing for her to be with him.

She thought of Zack naked for no reason. Then she imagined his big cock making her moan and get near the "O" zone only to have him dismount and cum on her face. The thought made her extra dry down there. Why couldn't Mike see that Zack was an awful person who shouldn't be allowed to breed. But to Mike he was a male hero of sorts. Mike had issues with his masculinity so she suspected that since Zack was one of the only people who paid attention to Mike then he was enamored with him because he saw him as the pentacle of the male species. Either that or he equated having a big dick with being a real man. Men confused her sometimes. For her it wasn't size but the person behind the size that counted. She wondered if men saw anything more than a vagina and tits when they made love? She just couldn't put herself in that mindset.

As for the restaurant, it was a two story brick building with a low light setting and taxidermy bull heads all around the dining area. Apparently the main attraction was the buffalo steaks, which are said to be more tender than cow steaks. Mike wouldn't know, he had never tried one. He didn't know where to start on the menu, there were so many things he didn't want, and none of them were burritos. Mike was a creature of habit and only really ate at one of two places, Chipotle and Go Fish. Go Fish is a sushi place on South Broadway where you could get twenty four pieces of sweet, life giving sushi for about $15. If it wasn't a burrito a piece of raw fish, it just didn't do it for Mike's fragile and selective sensibilities.

Sometimes he ate at McDonalds® wholesome burger stand, but that was only when money was tight and no one could agree on where to dine. A sort of last resort for the picky connoisseur.

"Do they have any fish?" Mike asked Anna, who sat across from him. There was a candle on the table between them to enhance the mood. Anna put down her menu and smiled.

"It's a steak house honey." She said.

Mike grimaced. Then he rolled his shoulders. "That doesn't mean that they can't serve something else other than steak.

"It's a specialty restaurant. People spend a lot of money to go here."

Mike took up the menu and looked at the price for a T-bone. "Who the hell would spend sixty three dollars for a cow's shoulder?"

Anna sighed and took a sip from her whiskey and Coke. "People who want to impress their significant other I suppose." She played with her tiny drink straw, twirling it between her fingers.

The comment was totally lost on Mike. "I'd rather have a burrito." He said with a wince.

The tall dark skinned waiter came by with some appetizers and put them on the white and red checkered cloth table. He did not say what they were and nodded toward Anna. Mike felt the jealousy immediately hit him and he grunted and turned away. The waiter smiled and left them to their food.

Mike turned back toward Anna. "What the hell is this?"

"I don't know." Anna smiled. "Maybe the waiter likes us?"

Mike turned around and saw the six foot two, dark haired, masculine waiter go from table to table asking only the female customers if they had enjoyed their meat.

"He's a fucking man whore." Mike said under his breath and took a gulp of his white Russian.

"He's just trying to be nice." Anna said as she propped her head up with her left hand while the other continued to twirl the straw in her drink.

"He wants your vagina to wrap around his cock." Mike's face contorted and then he made a gesture that looked like a cock going into his mouth. He used his tongue to poke the sides of his mouth to make it look like there was something inside his mouth that was poking at it.

Anna ignored him and used a fork to pick up a gray sliver of something. Mike didn't want any part of it. He knew he'd regret putting anything from this place in his mouth.

"It's really good Mike." Anna said a few moments after she swallowed the first bite. There was some sort of steakish looking meat beside the slivers and she tried a slice of that as well. "It's all really good!" She spoke with food in her mouth. "Come on Mike! Try it!" She took his fork and stuck it into one of the slivers and put it to Mike's mouth.

"No." Mike said as he tried to avoid the fork.

Anna laughed. "I'll put out if you do."

Mike moaned with displeasure. "I have a hand don't I?"

"Yes, but you can't beat a good old fashioned vagina." She said with a wink. Mike rolled his shoulders and flapped his hands under the table.

Mike closed his eyes and opened his mouth and let her put a piece of meat into his mouth. To his surprise it wasn't that bad. It had a weird crunchy, salty bland meat taste to it. He chewed it a few times before swallowing it. Anna laughed.

"What was that?" Mike asked as he used a cloth napkin to wipe his mouth.

"I dunno." Anna said truthfully and motioned for the endearingly handsome waiter to come back over to the table. The man smiled and walked from from where he was, talking to a man and a woman whom she assumed were either boyfriend and girlfriend or man and wife, over by the second floor patio and came back to the two young people sitting at his table.

"How may I help you?" He said courteously. "Are you ready to order?"

"Yes," Anna replied. "What is this you gave us?" Mike made an "O" face and Anna stomped on his foot.

The man had a smirk on his face and told them. "The bigger steak is alligator tail," he motioned to the big lump of meat on the plate, then he pointed at the slivers. "And that, that's a Colorado specialty."

"Ooh, you hear that Mike? A specialty" Anna took Mike's hand and held it tight. She looked into his eyes and smiled. Mike wasn't convinced.

"What exactly are the slivers?" Mike asked, looking away from the man.

"Rocky mountain oysters." The waiter replied.

Once again, their date wound up being centered around a McDonalds'® dollar menu. They were sitting in the play area and eating discount fries while consuming highly edible Double McCheese® Burgers. Mike had no problem with the ambiance that resulted as twenty small kids went through tunnels and pitched plastic balls their way. The sight of the rambunctious children at play made Mike think more rationally about the pull out method. It made Anna glad that Mike was a condom guy. Previous boyfriends, it seemed, only wanted to go bareback and they wanted to fuck ten times a day. What was cool about Mike was that he only had sex with her when she wanted to, it was hard enough to even get his shirt off at times so it was a nice change of pace for her. The only thing that bothered her was that he was generally resistant to touch. Hugs were fine but rubbing him anywhere seemed to provoke him to tense up and draw away.

A blue plastic ball hit Mike in the head and fell to his Converse Chuck Taylor shoes. Mike, with a mouthful of cheese burger, Leaned back and looked over at the culprit. A small red headed boy was pointing at him and laughing in a shrill, high pitched way that little boys seemed to produce before puberty made them into baritones. Mike frowned and swallowed his food. He picked up the ball and threw it back with all his might, but missed the kid by three feet.

The kid looked back to where the ball had landed and turned his attention back on Mike.

"You're a fucking terrible thrower!" The kid laughed.

Mike shrugged his shoulders and popped his neck. "You're a waste of sperm and egg!" He shouted at the ginger munchkin.

Anna struggled to keep a straight face. "Stop Mike." She said, almost spitting out her soda. "He's just a kid. You remember when you were a kid don't you"

"I was never a kid..." Mike said as he finished his burger. He licked his lips and took out a small thing of hand sanitizer and washed his hands in it. The kid threw another ball at Mike and this caused him to stand up and go over the play place to confront the little bastard.

"Ooh! Are you going to hit me?" The kid spat. Yet for someone as brave as he was, he still stepped back a few steps when approaced.

Mike just stood there in front of him and looked like he was going to stroke out. But he never raised his hands.

The kid laughed. "God you're short! Your girlfriend can do soooooooooo much better!"

Mike rolled his shoulders and flapped his hands. "Red heads normally go bald when they are in their twenties!"

The kid stopped laughing and felt his scalp.

"Is your father bald?"

The kid looked stunned and looked as if he were just punched in the stomach. The first chink in his armor showed.

"Have a nice life trying to get people to love you baldy."

Mike walked back over to his seat and sat down. He stared at the used burger wrappers and sighed.

Anna took his hand under the table and said "Don't feel bad. Height isn't everything."

"That's what girls who want to make guys feel better say." Mike said sadly under his breath. "Just like when girls say size doesn't matter."

"Well I dated a few tall guys and I remember one of them was only four inches. Down there"

This cheered Mike up a little but not enough to make him raise his head up.

Anna sighed. "I wanted to talk to you about something tonight actually."

"It has nothing to do with garbling balls I hope?" Mike said as he took a sip from his value sized soda. He smiled.

"No..." Anna squeezed tighter. "I want you to come with me to Goodington Colorado for Christmas break. You know," she trailed off. "To meet my family."

Mike groaned. "Everybody hates me though. What makes you think they'd like me going to their house, eating their food, and using their showers?"

Anna frowned. "I've told them all about you and they're excited to see you."

"Excited my ass." Mike took one last sip and gathered up the trash and put it into the red and white McDonalds' bag. He then put it on the ground next to him because he couldn't stand to look at any pictures or renditions of Ronald McDonald. To him he looked like a red haired pedophile.

"No... They really are."

"You know I always mess things up." Mike said softly. He put his head on the table and put his hands around his head. He wasn't crying, just overwhelmed.

"It'll be fine sweety."

Mike lifted his head and sighed. "I'm just afraid of making a fool of myself in front of your family. Didn't you say they were a little conservative?"

"They've really grown since I've moved out." Anna took a quick look over by the play place and smiled as the throngs of children did their thing with the assorted tubes and ball pit. "I've told them about your Aspergers and they seem to have understood what that's all about."

Mike groaned and got up. He took out his small cup from the bag underneath the table and said "I'm going to get a refill."

"I will too." Anna got up with him and walked into the restaurant and over to the self-serve soda dispensers. Mike never understood why everyone called soda "pop" here in Colorado. Before getting on Social Security, he had applied for a job at a Goodtimes restaurant and the owner offered him a pop. Misunderstanding the man he told him that he was not hungry and didn't really like popsicles. The man had laughed and explained to him that up here they called Coke and Pepsi and all those other soda products "pop". It was a misunderstanding and that's how he offered it to customers from then on. But he still said "soda" whenever he wasn't working.

They got their refill and went back out to the play place. Mike picked up the bag of trash and took it to the garbage can near the entrance of the playground. They both sat back into their seats and neither said a word for the longest time. Then Anna broke the silence.

"You'll be fine." She said with a smile. Brushing some hair from her face. "I'll take care of you. No one is going to do or say anything bad to you."

Mike buttoned and re-buttoned his shirt sleeve. "I'm just worried I'll embarrass you like I always do..."

Anna made a small self conscious laugh. "If you embarrassed me I wouldn't be with you." She grabbed Mike's hand again and squeezed. He seemed to cower for a moment, putting his hands at either side of his head for about a second as if shielding himself from deadly bee guns. Not that there is such a thing as a bee gun. Mike wondered whether or not there could be monetary gain in such an object.

"What about the time that I refused to accept a dollar coin from that gas station guy when we tried to get some cigarettes?"

"That was nothing hun."

Mike rolled his shoulders and turned his head to the left, cracking his neck. "The guy was yelling about calling the cops and stuff though."

"Well, he didn't. Did he?"

Mike rolled his shoulders again and made a wincing face. He looked around as if looking for a way to escape the situation.

"I know." Anna stared off towards the parking lot reflectively. She sighed and took her gaze back into Mike's gray blue eyes. "I love you." She was looking into his eyes, when he wouldn't reciprocate she held his head to hers. "I know you have a hard time believing that but I do." She took his hand and felt bad about the tear falling from his right eye like a crack in a coffee cup filled with salty water. "And when I'm done with college I can start up a private practice and be with you all the time."

"Is that the only reason you're becoming a nurse?" Mike asked suspiciously. "So you can take care of me? I'm not a child. I can do things for myself." He wiped the tear away with his black and white G.G. Allen hoodie which was worn over his nice dress shirt.

"I'm not going just because I want to take care of you. I'm going because I love taking care of people in general."

"So I'm a needy helpless patient in your eyes?"

"Not at all." Anna said, flustered at where the conversation was going. "I see you as a beautiful human being who has a wonderful way of looking at the world." Mike lowered his head and Anna reached over and lifted it to where she could see his face. She leaned over and kissed him gently on the lips. Mike smiled for the first time that night.

"I think us going will be good for us. For you. You'll have a good time, I promise."

Mike took a long sip from his Dr. Pepper and looked her into her mud brown eyes.

"OK." He said with a small, almost childlike voice. "I'll do it for you."

She grabbed his hand and held it tight with both of hers. "We'll do it together. I promise it will be OK. I wouldn't let anything happen to you, OK?"

As Mike walked up toward his room in his the dormitory, he heard mild commotion going on behind the door to his room. He stopped and put his ear to the door. He could hear that Zach seemed to have a girl over.

"Swallow bitch! There's children starving in Africa!" Zack yelled in a voice that echoed the masculine dominance of his forefathers. Mike cringed and knocked on the door.

"Can I come in?" Mike asked softly, careful not to make too much noise as to wake anyone in the neighboring rooms.

All the noise stopped in the room and he heard Zack's big meaty size thirteen foot-steps walking toward the door. The door opened and Zack stood there in front of Mike with a nine inch hard on, which was dripping with that white stuff that Mike thought was such an unnecessary and shameful bi-product of sex. He saw a short, thin, naked black girl with bright red hi-lights crouching next to Zack's bed wiping her mouth with a towel.

"What the fuck do you want?" Zack asked as he turned around and walked bare-assed naked back to his bed.

"I live here." Mike said as he shielded his eyes and walked toward his bed set on the far side of the room. The black girl started dressing but Zack stayed naked as he lay down on his bed.

Mike couldn't help but notice her nude body and felt a ping of sadness fill him. He hated the fact that he didn't look or act like Zack. He felt that if he had Zack's body, he bet could cure cancer.

Zack's hard on softened into a thick sausage like roll, sort of like a pig in a blanket with his foreskin. He pulled the covers over himself.

"When you want to get together again babe?" The black girl asked as she pulled her UCD hoodie over her head. She wrung her hair through the opening and it fell softly against her baby soft back.

"I don't know." Zack said with his hands behind his head and a dickhead look of satisfaction on his face. "I'll text you later."

The petite black girl smiled and nodded toward Mike as she left the room. Mike got up and closed the door behind her, making sure to lock it. He checked it twice.

"I'm so sorry dude..." Mike said as he took off his shoes. Then he peeled his socks from his feet and stuffed them into his shoes.

"Why?" Zack asked. Laughing, he reached for his pack of cigarettes on the nightstand next to their twin beds. "I have nothing to be ashamed about," He lit the cigarette and smirked. "unlike some people in this room."

Mike groaned and stripped down to his boxers. "I'm average and that's OK."

"If you say so." Zack took a long drag of his cigarette and ashed it into an empty Dr. Pepper can on the nightstand. "I bet if you let Anna have one night with me then she'd never even talk to you again." Zack reached under the cover of his blanket and Mike saw that the bulge where his hand was at or near where his crotch would be. He smiled like an asshole as he worked himself into pitching a tent under his blanket.

This hurt Mike. He was so used to people stealing his girlfriends and he had not doubt in his mind that Zack could do it. Even though she always turned him down, he was sure that one of these days she'd drop her panties and he'd widen her snatch like an abused Stretch Armstrong. He took a deep breath and got into bed. He pulled his covers over his tiny chest and rolled onto his side.

"Can I have a cigarette man?" Mike asked Zack. Zack smiled and took one out of his pack and handed it to him.

"You're so much fun to fuck with dude." Zack laughed. "You take everything so fucking seriously."

Mike lit the cigarette. "I just don't find it funny when you say you're going to hump Anna."

"I would if she'd let me."

Mike sighed and pulled his sheets over his boxer clad body. "Yeah... Otherwise that would be rape. I hear girls don't dig that too much."

"You can't rape the willing dude."

Mike cringed and finished his cigarette. Then he turned out the light on the nightstand without objection from Zack.

"Don't you have to take your pills?" Zack said in the darkness with genuine concern.

"I took them at dinner."

"Oh. Okay." Zack said with a manner that suggested relief. "I don't want you fucking freaking out in the middle of the night. I swear the next time you wake me up because you have a hang nail or whatever the fuck it may be, I'll rip off your small dick and shove it down your throat."

"It's not small..." Mike said with a hint of sadness in his voice. Zack said no more and Mike slept facing away from him. With Zack's package he couldn't help but feel small in comparison. He had no idea as to what Anna saw in him. He began to count prime numbers in his head until he finally drifted off to sleep. He had no dreams that he could remember that night.

Chapter 3

It was the last class of the semester and Mike was hard at work doing his in class final. It was for psychology 102 and he breezed through it with speed matched only by an Olympic runner from Africa. With satisfaction he filled in the last dot on the Scantron and looked over his answers one last time before handing it in. He wanted to someday become a psychologist, although he had serious doubts as to his abilities to counsel people. He figured that evolutionary psychology was the way to go. Finding and forming theories and theorems about as to why we have a psyche as explained through the values and practices of evolutionary biology.

He stopped himself and thought. He could never be a real psychologist. He was probably more researcher material.

The answers all seemed to be in order and he got up and handed the Scantron sheet to his Teacher, a tall skinny blond woman named Professor Teeger. They had had their rough patches through the semester but she soon learned up about Aspergers and began to raise her hand slightly whenever Mike brought the class off subject or talked too much. Mike appreciated this because he never wanted to be the class clown by accident or have everyone pissed at him for holding up the class.

"Thank you for putting up with me this semester." He said as he put the Scantron on Professor Teeger's desk. She looked up from her computer and smiled. Then she put her index finger to her tightly pursed lips, indicating that there was to be no talking while everyone was working. Mike nodded and understood, but he still felt shunned. He walked back over to his table in the front row and picked up his laptop bag. Making his way to the door, he took one last look over the class and felt a growing sadness in his stomach. Or was he hungry? They both felt the same to him.

As he let himself out the door he walked down the hall and halfway through the classroom trailer unit he nearly collapsed with fatigue and remorse. He sat down and started to cry. Luckily no one else was in the hallway but he still kept the noise to a minimum. After collecting himself he got back up and walked out of the trailer unit and on to the bus stop, where he'd head to campus from there.

He had felt his phone vibrate a few times during class and now had the chance to check it. There was a text from Zack, calling him a fagot, and he had two from Anna wondering how he was. It made him feel like a child whenever she checked in so many times but secretly he loved her maternal actions. He didn't know where he'd be now without her. The threat of losing her worried him to no end and he had had many sleepless nights as a result of this fear. Mike had had a few girlfriends in the past but they all ended in disaster and crippling heart break.

Mike remembered the time he lost his virginity. He stood in the middle of the parking lot and stifled a moan of disgust at what had happened that night.

About three years earlier, when he had just turned twenty one, and he was at a Swayback concert down at the Hi-Dive when he was approached by a tall blond girl in a bright green sweatshirt and maroon sweat pants. He was over by the stage dancing along when she had come up to him and complemented him on his moves.

"The secret is to move with the beat." Mike had said with a wink. He had been pretty drunk off of three white Russians and a Pabst Blue Ribbon beer. He had never even entertained the notion of picking up a girl at a bar before but he welcomed the company. Her name was Rebecca and she danced right along with him until the very last song. Mike was going to leave after that because he had to take the bus back to his parent's place. Rebecca wrapped her arms around him and told him that she could drive him home if they stayed for the last band, Matson Jones.

Between The Swayback getting their stuff off the stage and Matson Jones setting up they started talking about their love of the local music scene. Mike had not even been twenty one for four months yet he seemed to know everyone involved in the scene. He gladly introduced her to the editor of the local free news rag "The Westword" and then to the owners of the club they were currently partying in. When she asked to meet The Swayback he gladly obliged. However they were currently getting their gear off of the stage and to the back of the club, he unwittingly butted in and introduced her. The band was cordial but she later told him that they were most likely perturbed to be bugged in the middle of the tear down.

She bought him another white Russian and once he was done he put the empty glass on the bar. That was when he received his first ever kiss from a girl. She leaned down (she had to be about six feet tall with heels) and put her lips to his. It at first felt like a mild stroke, but as she went on with it he lost his fear and participated in the act with her. He was afraid to wrap his arms around her but she had no qualms about it herself. He finally obliged and hugged her back. After a few seconds he began to feel uncomfortable doing it in front of the sold out crowd and gently nudged her away.

She touched his chest and her index finger slid seductively down to Mike's crotch. He immediately got an erection and he had never felt so embarrassed in his life. He blushed and scooted back a few steps until he hit a bar stool with his back. She smiled.

"Wanna go back to your place?" She whispered into his left ear. Mike shivered and didn't know how to respond. He just went with it and nodded his head slowly up and down. She took his hand and led him to the door. On the way the singer of Matson Jones inquired why he was leaving so early and Rebecca responded by saying it was past his bedtime. The singer seemed to get the idea even though it was lost on Mike.

When they got to her car two blocks away on Lincoln Street she started to make out with him again across the gear shift. Mike just went along with it and when she was done she started the car.

"Sorry if I'm bad at kissing..." Mike told her with great remorse.

"You're fine cutie." She purred.

When they reached his place down in Lakewood Mike was relieved to find that his parents were gone. They had told him earlier that they were going to the casinos down in Black Hawk and he later figured that they were probably spending the night that night. He unlocked the front door and led her into the living room. He locked the door and they both sat on the couch sitting in the midst of the room.

"So..." Mike stuttered. "You want to watch a horror movie?" He picked up the remote and turned on the TV. She took the remote from his hand and turned it back off.

"No." She said. "I was thinking of something a little different."

Mike began to feel unsure of himself and knew where this was going, and he was scared shitless of it. She pinned him down on the couch cushions and stuck her tongue down his throat. He tried to move along with her but wound up nearly choking her instead. She laughed and moved her hands down to Mike's pants zipper. He had never been so hard in his life and he was mortified that she was unbuttoning him and unzipping the zipper. Then she pulled down his pants, revealing his black boxers with yellow smiley faces. Mike took in a deep breath and closed his eyes as she also pulled them down to his ankles. He saw nothing but suddenly felt her mouth wrap around him. It felt really odd without his hand doing the job and he tried to maneuver himself into the right position. However during the midst of the impromptu blow job he accidently kneed her in the face.

"FUCK!" She bellowed and covered her right eye.

"OH MY GOD!" Mike cried. "I'm so, so, so sorry!"

Rebecca laughed and stood up to take off her shirt. "Is this your first time?"

Mike blushed, which she took as a yes. Rebecca took off her bra and threw it on Mike's face. Mike grabbed it with two fingers and held it as if he were handling a vile of E-Coli. When he dropped it on the floor next to the couch she had her pants around her ankles and kicked them to the side.

"Wanna go to your bedroom?" She said seductively.

Mike gulped and nodded his head. He first perused through his bag for one of the condoms that he had gotten from when he went to the health clinic when he got a bad case of bronchitis. They were in a glass fish bowl on the receptionist's counter and when she was looking away he had grabbed a handful. The one he grabbed was a magnum but he didn't know what that meant. He grabbed her hand and led her upstairs to the first room on the left. In there they stood in the doorway naked and she guided him over to his bed and pushed him onto it. He frantically tore open the condom wrapper and put the oversized prophylactic over his penis and felt like one fourth less than a man at the fit. He was sure he wasn't THAT small... But she just grabbed it and began to stroke. Mike took her by the waist and laid her down on the bed.

"Hmm..." Rebecca moaned. "What do you have in mind lover?"

Mike said nothing but instead put his head between her legs and did the first thing that came to mind. He stuck his tongue into her vagina and started going up and down. For a short while he was sure he was doing well until she grabbed him by his head and raised it above her waste.

In her sweetest voice she said "You fucking suck at that." And she laughed. Mike felt incredibly embarrassed and immediately mounted himself over her and stuck his thing into her thing and began to push in and out. It felt really awkward and at some point during the act the condom fell off inside her.

"What the fuck?" She said, almost as a question.

Mike felt like crying but kept a stoic face. "One moment." He said and went back downstairs bare ass naked and went through his bag again. He found another condom, one that wasn't a magnum, and put it on. He went back upstairs and finished the job in less than a minute.

After he was done he was panting and hating himself while she went back downstairs and got dressed. He waited for her to come back up but after about ten minutes he heard the front door close and then heard her car start and leave the cul-de-sac.

Depressed and embarrassed with his performance, Mike got up and went back down stairs to get his clothes back on. He knew he should have taken a shower but he couldn't find it in himself to stay naked any longer. He felt a shame that he had never before felt.

He sat on the couch for the longest time before heading to the refrigerator in the kitchen. It took him all of five seconds to realize that Rebecca had left him a note with her contact info on the front of the fridge. It also included her Dead Journal, sort of like a goth version of what used to be Livejournal, which was an online diary that anyone could use, and he made a note to check it out when he woke up the next morning.

He wished he never had though. Written in big bold letters on her homepage was "Worst. Lay. EVER!"

He must have thrown up a dozen times that day from pure hatred of himself.

Luckily Anna never made him feel that way. He knew he must still suck at sex but at least she never said anything to anyone about his performance.

Mike realized that he had been standing in the school parking lot so long that many of the classes had let out and he was blocking two cars from exiting the lot. He waved to them in apology and went over to the sidewalk about ten feet to his left, letting the two cars get by. Mike shook his head in bewilderment and walked to the bus stop near the front of the campus.

Mike got his usual Chipotle burrito on the way back to his dorm and ate it on the bus. When he got home he threw the trash away in the lobby and made his way back up to the room he shared with Zack. Once inside he took off his shoes and laid his laptop bag on his bed. He made his way to the refrigerator and immediately noticed the yellow sticky note on the door.

"It's 'MY' beer, you fag!" it said. Mike rolled his shoulders and cracked his neck. He took one of the Dr. Pepper cans from the back and closed the fridge. Taking a long gulp from the soda, he took out his phone again and texted Anna telling her he had made it home. It took all but a minute for her to text back telling him that she'd be over in thirty minutes. Mike just hoped that Zack wouldn't be back by then and take his girlfriend away from him.

During the interim he read Chuck Palahniuk's "Invisible Monsters" and slowly drank his soda, but before she got there though he smoked a cigarette as fast as he could and lay on the bed with his face facing the door. As almost as if she had some sort of internal Swiss time piece inside her, she got to his dorm in almost exactly thirty minutes. Mike locked the door and they made love before they both got in the shower. He loved it when she cleaned him and wondered how she must feel when he scrubbed her down in return. They dried off and got dressed just in time before Zack busted through the door and went directly to the fridge. He cracked open his PBR when he noticed that Mike and Anna were sitting on Mike's bed.

"Hey fag!" Zack said in good humor. "You want a beer?"

Mike smiled. "Yeah sure!

"Not you dipshit!" Zack scoffed. "I meant the pretty girl next to you."

Anna laughed. "Only if you give Mike one."

"If Mike gets drunk he'll probably wanna fuck me." Zack put his beer on the nightstand and went back to the fridge and got two more beers. He handed one to Anna and threw the other into Mike's gut.

"Oomph!" Mike uttered and caught the beer before it rolled off his legs and onto the floor. He opened it using the pin on the can and took a long drink of the piss water beer. "I'm already getting horny for you Zack!" Mike said sarcastically.

Anna drank hers in a few long gulps and crushed the can beneath her Vans skate shoe. Zack smiled and wished to any God up wherever there were Gods that Mike would have a heart attack and leave Anna to himself. But that was a pipe dream, he wasn't that lucky.

"Wanna party?" Zack asked as he produced a small baggie of white powder from his pants pocket.

"No thank you." Anna said scornfully. "You know I don't do drugs."

Zack shrugged and gave a playful smile. "I know fag here is shit scared of pithy little amounts of pot so I'm not even going to ask."

"Drugs are bad, mmkay?" Mike said dryly, staring at the wall in front of him.

"Suit yourselves. I'm going to make my mouth numb now." Zack laughed and went into the bathroom. Mike rolled his shoulders and involuntarily flapped his left hand. Anna put her hands on Mike's back and began to give him a massage. Mike stiffened up and turned his head toward her. He gave her a light kiss on the cheek and put his head on her shoulder. Anna wrapped her arms around him and rocked him gently back and forth, as if she were rocking a cradle that housed a very temperamental baby.

"I hate it when he does drugs..." Mike whispered sadly.

"It's OK." Anna assured him. "We can go back to my place if you want."

"I'M FUCKING AWESOME!!!" Zack yelled from the bathroom. Anna and Mike both turned toward the bathroom door. The door opened and Zack came out and smiled like a methed up clown. "Hey Anna, want a little Irish in you?"

"We're going to leave now." Anna said as she took Mike's arm and lifted him off his bed.

"We'll it's not all that little."

"I have a penis to play with." Anna kissed Mike on the cheek. Mike blushed and turned away.

"I'll give you two fiddy and a bag of Skittles!"

"I wouldn't even touch your pinky finger even if it would solve the debt crisis."

"What if it would end world hunger?"

"Goodbye, Zack." Anna left the room with Mike.

"Think of the children!!!"

They reached her apartment down on Capitol Hill and parked in the parking lot behind the five floor modern building. It was a faux oldish looking number with bricks and white mortar painted gray. It was one of those places you had to put in a code in a key pad at the entrance in order to get in; either that or you had someone buzz you in.

They got out of her Honda Civic and she led him to the front door. Mike waited by her side as she entered the pass code and they heard the loud click of the glass door unlocking. In the hallway was the mail area and she stopped by really quick to see if anything had been sent to her. There was only her phone bill and some flier for the Chinese place down the street that always seemed to close down and reopen every other month for whatever reason. Mike thought it had to do with their standards of freshness. Sometimes you never could tell just how recent your sesame chicken was clucking.

Mike stood with his hands behind his back and rocked to and fro, singing to himself. The song was just a tune he made up but he had his moments where he thought he should write the lyrics down that he had thought up periodically.

They got to her apartment on the third floor. Mike rolled his shoulders and Anna opened the door and let herself in. Mike closely follwed. It was a nice place, definitely a girl's apartment Mike thought, but a nice place for a guy to hang out in. She avoided pink at all cost and instead slathered the living room in yellows and light greens. There was a Venus flytrap over on her dining table under a sun lamp. The couch was made of brown corduroy and the coffee table was made of steel with a glass top. There were teddy bears everywhere, most of them provided by Mike in a misguided attempt to satisfy her collecting habit. She let it happened and even thought it was sweet of him; at least until she had received her forty fourth bear, then it started to be a hassle. But she didn't have the heart to tell him to stop.

Mike took off his white Converse shoes at the door and walked in his gray and white socks over to the couch where Anna was already sitting. She patted on the cushion next to her, looking into his gray blue eyes. He sat next to her and laid his head on her left shoulder. She ran her fingers through his soft brown hair and kissed his forehead.

"So when do we leave?" Mike asked as his head slinked onto Anna's lap.

She continued to run her fingers through his hair and answered "Sunday sound good to you?"

"Okey dokey." Mike said with a sigh.

"It'll be fun. You'll love my father. He's a no nonsense man just like you."

Mike flapped his left hand violently for a few seconds and then calmed himself down.

"I don't mean that he's an asshole," Anna assured him. "I just mean that he's all about the facts and doesn't let emotion cloud his thoughts."

"I love you." Mike cooed.

Anna laughed.

Chapter 4

All day Saturday, Mike basically just read all day and packed that night. He doesn't have many clothes so it was a lot easier than packing say, Anna's things. He liked to wear pretty much the same clothes every day and it always took either Anna's participation or threats against his life from Zack for him to take a shower.

Sunday morning Mike got up early that day in dread anticipation. He was sure he was going to butt heads with Anna's father. She said he voted for both Bush's and denies gay rights and such. He worked as the first selectman in his unincorporated town. It was supposedly near Estes Park, Colorado and as it was told to him, had some good sights of the surrounding mountains forests.

Mike didn't even notice that Zack was gone until he busted in the room. He locked the door and then listened to it. He appeared to have been scared to the point where Mr. Anarchy feared something or someone. Zack then went over to the closet and got out his yellow Samsonite briefcase. Mike walked cautiously over to where Zack was packing clothes into it.

"Leaving my life for good?" Mike asked cheekily.

"Oh man!" Zack said breathlessly. "Don't ever buy your coke from a pimp!"

"Wha?"

Zack took a deep breath. "I need to hide out for a while, dude."

"Okay." Mike felt not the least bit of empathy with Zack. "Like here?"

"Can I go with you to your girlfriend's house?"

Mike groaned. "No fucking way!"

"I'm sorry about the death of your grandmother Zack." Anna said as they were heading north of I-70 in her Volvo Civic.

"She will be missed." Zack said dryly and ashed his cigarette out the backseat window.

Mike groaned and sank deeper into his passenger side seat.

Chapter 5

They had left at around eight that morning and arrived in Goodington Colorado at four. It would have been sooner if Mike didn't have to stop at every restroom and of course Zack and Anna wanted to see the sights. Mike was actually too afraid to open his eyes for most of it because they drove on cliff edges and that just freaked him the frak out.

From the outskirts of town they could see a large water tower looming in the distance. "Welcome to Goodington!" it announced to anyone who could read. There was a sign at the entrance of the town that proclaimed "The home of the traditional family. elevation: 7577" pop 560" Mike felt a chill run through him like a shot of morphine had just been injected into his vein, where it passed the through liver, into the heart, and hit him straight to his Goddamn brain. For a moment he saw white, which was a sure sign of dropping blood pressure and the precursor to fainting. He collected himself though. Did some breathing and he finally saw the white get littler and littler until he had his normal and bright 20/12 vision.

The town itself was like one of those you'd read about in old Stephen King books. There was a barber shop with it's old school red, white, and blue barber's pole near the front of the town, which looked a bit like downtown Boulder but with roads instead of walkways. Only eerie and deserted. As they passed the rows of one and two story buildings, all providing a different service such as lawyering and model trains. Mike noticed that there were no corporate businesses around. It was as if Wal-Mart and The Gap had never heard of Goodington. To make the place even more precocious, there were no people coming in and out of anywhere. Nobody on the streets and nobody driving around. It was dead in every sense of the word.

Zack took out his phone and started taking pictures of the scenery while Anna drove around aimlessly as if she had forgotten where she was going. What was she looking for? Mike wondered.

"I'm hungry." Mike said.

"We'll eat when we get to my parent's place." Anna assured him.

"I want a tall glass of Everclear." Zack said as he pulled his sun glasses from his rectangular Ben Affleck looking head. Mike also wanted a drink but it wasn't a pressing matter to him.

They drove past a rather large Catholic Church on Washington and followed Lincoln, which thank the lord was paved, to a long gravel strewn road leading to the hill. What Mike saw couldn't be Anna's parent's place. Could it? It was so huge. Almost like a pimped out McMansion you'd see in the nicer parts of the suburbs. It had an all white paint job with a two story glass foyer in the middle of it, revealing a spiraling staircase through the windows without sills. It looked very modern, but yet he could see his grandparents living there. They were always complaining about how they never had enough space. But to be fair they could have been talking about having alone time from Mike. The world may never know.

They drove up to the front and Anna parked the car. Mike undid his seat belt and was the first out of the vehicle. Next up was Zack, who got out of the car and towered over Mike as if he were about to attack. He didn't, but he looked like he could be capable of such a thing. Mike was always slightly paranoid around the guy. It must be because he always felt as if he couldn't trust anything that does that much coke and doesn't die.

Anna slipped out of her seat and walked over to the other side of the car where Mike and Zack stood. She wrapped her arms around Mike and gave him a kiss on the cheek, a gesture that he seemed to not notice. They walked up the white concrete staircase to the huge double doors and that led into the house. She pressed the door bell.

*ding*

Nothing happened for the longest time. Mike felt the urge to touch the door bell again and again but Anna stopped him after the first time, she told him that twice was enough. It wasn't about the door bell really. It was just his weird compulsion to press buttons when he saw them.

After about a minute they heard the tiny clickity clacks of somebody approaching. An old small slight Hispanic woman with harsh features that only come from living the tough life answered the door. In her hands was a dirty hand towel and a bottle of Pledge. She wore the typical black and white maid's uniform.

She took a quick look over at the two men and woman in front of her. "No, no. Mr. Henry is no here." she said quietly in her broken English as she slowly closed the door. Anna put her foot in between the door.

"Consuelo," Anna said with love. "We're here to see Daddy."

She stared blankly into Anna's face and showed no signs of comprehension. "No no. Mr. Henry is no here."

"Daddy!" Anna screamed with excitement from behind the little woman. Consuelo shook her head and continued to block their entrance.

"Anna?" A powerful voice boomed through the foyer. "Anna is that you?" Consuelo looked behind her and stepped aside. A large, fit man in his late in his fifties dressed in a blue dress shirt, a blue and black tie, and khakis came down the top stairs and went to the door. He immediately hugged Anna with his massive arms. They shared a smile.

"How have you been Bug?" The man said sweetly.

"Bug?" Mike asked.

"And who is this?" The man said sternly.

Anna cleared her throat. "Daddy, this is Mike. Remember? I told you about him."

"Oh yes." The man agreed. "The one who's piranha died.

"It was a red bellied pacu." Mike corrected. "Sir."

The man grunted with disapproval and looked Mike over for a second more and then turned to Zack. "And you are?"

Zack stretched out his elongated arm with an equally elongated hand. "Zack. Zack Mallard."

The man smiled and took Zack's hand. "Nice to meet you Zack. My name is Henry Shoemaker."

Mike saw what just transpired and tried his own little skit of the same sort.

"My name is Mike Inman." He held out his hand for it to be shook as well.

It hung there limply without a returning shake. "Right." Mr. Shoemaker said without any conviction. "If you will," Henry motioned them to come in. "Follow me." He led them into the foyer where the Sunday dusk was setting through the glass wall in front of the stairwell. The glare of the setting sun shown through and smacked Mike in the eyes. He shielded his head with him hands.

As they gathered around the staircase they head a clickity clacking up on the top tier.

"My, my, is that Bug?" A soft, caring voice steeped in a steep southern drawl echoed through out the foyer.

"Yes mom!" Anna yelled up. Mike covered his ears in response.

A tall slender lady in her early fifties walked down the stairs wearing a light green sweater and blue jeans.

The woman came to the foot of the stairs and stretched out her hand toward Zack. "You must be this Mike I've been hearing all about?" She assumed Zack was her Daughter's boyfriend because he was so tall and handsome with confidence to boot. He exuded alpha male where as Mike felt lucky he wasn't exuding other bodily odors.

"No ma'am." Zack said with a crooked boyish smile that immediately won her over. "But I would treat her like a queen if she were mine." He took her hand and gave it a small kiss on the knuckles. The woman giggled. Henry beamed with pride.

Mike sheepishly held out his hand and sort of caught the woman as she was drawing back.

"I'm Mike." He smiled.

The woman looked like she had just won the lottery on April Fool's Day. She looked perplexed. "This is the man you've been talking about?" The woman asked Anna.

"Mother..." Anna said under her breath.

The woman smiled and took Mike's hand. "My name is Mary Shoemaker." She then took it back and walked over to the door on the left side of the spacious room. "Let's eat dinner shall we? We've been waiting for you to arrive darlings. Consuelo makes the best dinners"

They were led into an immense eating area complete with one of those long dinner tables you always expect a mansion to have. Henry and Mary sat up near the front end of the table while Mike and Anna took the middle. Zack, being the opportunist he was, decided to sit in closer to Henry and Mary at the front of the table. They didn't seem to mind either, in fact Henry appeared downright welcoming to the boy.

Consuelo came out of the kitchen adjacent to the room with a cart on which several large platters sat. She scooted it around the bend and parked it right next to Henry, who apparently got the first piece. Consuelo took the lids off the platters and revealed a large roasted duck already cut into pieces. She took a large fork like utensil and stabbed a leg piece with it. She then plopped it rudely down on Henry's plate. He ignored her and placed his cloth napkin on his lap. By the time he was done he had a full plate of dinner and smiled as the maid brought around the rest of the dishes.

A tall gangly man of about sixty or seventy shuffled into the dining room holding a bottle of white wine. He had no hair and a most crooked nose. The man walked as if he had a car strapped onto his back. Small steps, steady and safe wins the race.

The butler's first stop was Henry, then Mary, and then Zack. When he got to Anna she told him politely that he and Mike would have water.

Mike objected. "I would like some wine."

"Are you even old enough to drink?" Henry spat.

"Old enough to, yes." Mike thought nothing more of it. The butler motioned to pour him the wine when Anna reached over the table and took Mike's wine glass from the table.

"I'm not cleaning up after you again!" Anna sneered.

Mike looked offended. "I've thrown up in your car once. Once!"

Henry looked quizzically at Mary, who was enjoying her wine harassment free. Zack swirled his in the glass and sniffed it. "Must be some good stuff." He said as he took a sip.

"Some of the best." Henry beamed.

"Then could I try some?" Mike asked Henry.

"Ask Anna." was his reply.

Anna shrugged. "I'm not going to carry you to your room."

Mike smiled. "I'd like some sir."

The butler's vacant stare betrayed the nothing that was going on in his mind. He turned around and walked zombie-like toward Mike. He poured him a half glass of the stuff and Mike tried his best to look dignified by sniffing it as Zack had done. Instead of rubbing his chin in approval he gagged up some sort of monstrosity in his throat and had to put the wine glass back down onto the dining table. Mike wiped his mouth and looked around nervously.

Henry was unamused. "So Mike. What do you do?"

Mike took a long sip from his glass. "I'm studying psychology and biology. I'm hoping to become an evolutionary psychologist."

Henry scoffed and turned toward Zack. "What about you young man?"

Zack had a sip of his wine and said "I'm majoring in business."

Mike hated him for that. He wasn't sure if he really was taking business or if he was just fucking with him. He was pretty sure that Zack was going to school to be a gynecologist.

Henry cut a piece of his game hen and put it into his wide mouth. Mike suddenly realized where Anna gets her mouth from. It was pretty big.

That made Mike a little uneasy. He remembered the girl before Anna always wanted to go down on him. Even though he told her that he doesn't like being touched there, she still tried her best to blow the him. Mike would usually start getting into it before he involuntarily kneed her in the face. That was always a sure fire way to ruin the mood. It's not like Mike was really selfish in bed either. He wasn't Zack but he had what he had and he'd learned how to move it to maximum satisfaction. Basically the clit is on the roof of the vagina so he'd try and move upwards when thrusting. Either that or they did it doggy style. He never went down on any of his girlfriends. Thought it tasted too much like salty tuna.

Mike looked helplessly at his dinner and forked a piece of broccoli. He wasn't really going to eat it but he just wanted to put on the air of hunger.

Anna took a sip of her water and smiled at Mike. She could see he was in distress so she extended her hand for him to take. This was lost on him so he passed her the pepper grinder.

Henry's right brow moved up. "Let's get one thing clear here now." His voice thundered throughout the dining room. The butler was over in the corner yawning with the half filled bottle of white wine. "You two are sleeping in separate rooms!" His voice cracked. "In fact, Nick..."

"Mike." Mike said.

"Nick, you will sleep in the guest house out back."

Zack smiled. "I believe in abstinence myself."

Henry returned the pleasantry. "That's what I like to hear. Anna, why can't you date a fine man like this?"

Anna did a spit take with her mashed potatoes. Mike smiled for the first time that night.

"I believe that she has made her decision and I politely decline to even think about taking your daughter sir. She is too fine of a woman not to marry first."

Henry held his wine glass up for a toast. "To celibacy!"

Mary was blushing. Anna sighed and Mike put the piece of broccoli in his mouth, much to his dissatisfaction the green vegetable was chewy. Zack took another modest drink from his wine and wiped the edges of his mouth with the cloth napkin provided by the head of the house.

"So what is it that you do for a job?" Mike asked, trying to make conversation.

"Why I'm a practicing malpractice lawyer, on the doctors side of course, and I'm also the first selectman of this here burg." Henry said matter of factly. He smiled and reached over the table to caress Mary's milky white chin. She giggled and took a sip from her wine.

Mike felt that morphine like flush of overwhelming anxiety wash over him. He immediately shut up.

"I believe that a good town runs on faith and good politics." Zack said.

"You are damn right boy." Henry winked and took another slice off of his golden game hen. He chewed for a few moments before swallowing. "And I'm hoping Anna here will take up the family business."

"Which is?" Mike couldn't help but ask even though he already knew that Henry was a lawyer.

"Law." Anna said under her breath as she took a drink from her glass of water.

"Law!" Henry said loud and proud. "But Anna here is disappointing us by becoming a... What was it again?"

"A psych nurse." she said sheepishly.

"A psych nurse!" Henry said as if he could not believe the words that were coming out of his mouth. "I'm sure that if we had a boy, as planned, then we'd have a family dynasty."

"Nurses can run for office." Mike said, trying to defend his girlfriend. It just elicited a wide range of looks from the dinner guests. Some were bewildered while the others were just plain lost. Mike looked around and bowed his head as if in prayer and continued working on his broccoli.

"I thought I raised her better than that." Henry said with a hint of sadness in her voice.  
"Well sorry if I am a disappointment." Anna said softly as she pushed her brown hair back over her head and out of her eyes. Mike felt helpless and wanted to do something, anything, that would save her from her father.

"It's alright I suppose. Once you meet the right man and make some grandsons for me then everything will be alright." His smile betrayed his eyes. Mike couldn't tell if he was being facetious or just plain dense. Anna just sat where she was and stared at her lap.

"So Zack." Mary said, interrupting the awkward silence. "What was it that drew you to business?"

The question seemed to catch Zack off guard. He gathered himself and responded. "To be blunt. I love capitalism. It's the driving force for good in America."

Henry beamed. "Free trade and no taxes."

"That would definitely help the small business man."

"I believe that big government should be dismantled and the power distributed throughout the common wealth." Henry said as he took a bite of the chewy broccoli. He sneered and frowned and he spit it back onto the plate in front of him. Consuelo was over at the other end of the room reading the ingredients off of a pledge can, totally oblivious as to what damage her cooking has done to the family.

"God bless Reagan for deregulating the stock market and housing trusts."

"Yeah." Mike added. "And God bless our troops."

The room went silent. Henry blinked a few times before going back to eating his fowl. "Whatever Nick."

"Brian."

"What?"

Mike cleared his throat. "Mike."

"Uh huh."

Anna's head was still down and Mike was beginning to worry about her. He wanted to help but he knew that no matter what he did, he'd just wind up making things worse. He always seemed to have a knack for saying the wrong things at all the right times. There was never a day that Mike didn't embarrass himself in front of those he loved or admired. Or those he didn't even know for that matter.

Zack continued chatting up Mr. Shoemaker while Mike stared at the inedible greens before him. Anna got up and without a word, excused herself.

Mike got up and paced alongside her as they exited the dining room.

"Are you okay?" Mike asked, trying to keep up with Anna as she climbed the spiral staircase up to her room.

She stopped midway. "I swear the only way he could love a woman is if she was barefoot and pregnant!" Her face was a horrible shade of violate. Her capillaries betraying her soft voice.

Mike was at a loss of what to say. They stood there for a full minute or so in complete silence before Anna got it in herself to climb the rest of the stairs and walk into her old bedroom. Mike followed but stopped outside her door.

"Why are you standing there?" Anna said as she wiped her eyes with her right hand.

Mike looked puzzled. "You're dad said that I wasn't allowed in here."

Anna smiled and even gave a tiny laugh. She walked over to Mike and grabbed him by his small hand. She led him over to the bed where she sat him down. Mike wasn't sure if he should kiss her or not so he just sort of sat there while she stared him in the eyes.

"You're amazing." She said as she ran her fingers through his soft brown hair. "At least I don't have to ever worry about you being a macho sexist pig."

"You think so?" Mike asked with a laugh.

"Why wouldn't I?"

Mike smiled. "Because I like my woman barefoot and pregnant.

Throughout the course of the night everyone went to their respective little rooms while Mike was escorted by Anna over to the guest house. It was as big as a real house and she said that it even had a stocked fridge. Mike almost felt guilty having such a large place to himself.

Which made him think.

"Anna?" Mike said.

"Yes?" Anna answered.

"Where's Zack sleeping?"

Anna smirked and kissed him on the forehead. "Next to Daddy's room. I think they are getting along a little too well."

"Why?" Mike wondered. "Does your father like guns too?"

"As a matter of fact he does. He kills game around these parts. Likes to stuff them and stick them in the basement where no one will ever see them again."

"I never understood killing something for sport."

"You've never been hunting?"

"You have!?" Mike said, astonished.

Anna laughed. "I'm pretty good at it."

"Good at killing things?"

"If you want to say it that way." Her face was milky white and she leaned in to kiss Mike. He was fairly receptive and brought just as much, if not more, to the kissing game they were playing.

She held his head as it drifted towards her breasts. He did not seem to be guided by sexuality more so than just to be comforted. She felt as if she owed him something so she ran her finger down from his nose to his crotch. Mike instantly got hard but pulled away.

"Here?" Mike gulped. "With your father in the next house?"

Anna had to take a second back to fully comprehend the absolute absurdity of the question. She smiled again and started to unzip Mike's pants. He squirmed and shifted as if he was truly uncomfortable with the situation.

"How about tomorrow?" Mike asked. Anna had never had a guy refuse sex until she met Mike. Which was a breath of fresh air but sometimes she wanted it just as badly as some of the guy's she's dated. Now was one of those times. But if her memory served her correct, she had brought back up in her back pack. She kissed Mike and laid him down on the fine silk sheets of the master bed in the guest house. Mike seemed ashamed that he was as turned on as he was. Anna let it go and got into bed, laying next to Mike. She was as tall as he was so the spooning corresponded well with each prospective body part cuddled.

Mike was in front while Anna held him. She cradled him back and forth until she could tell that he was asleep. She got up and walked around the bed. She kissed him on the forehead and went to a closet for a blanket that she could put over him.

She lay a nice thick comforter straight from the plastic case and tucked him in at the edges of the bed. Then she left. Leaving him to dream what ever it is autistic boys dream of.

Chapter 6

When the morning came Mike had no trouble waking up. He got out of bed, still fully clothed, and stretched. His bags were still at the big house so he'd just have to bear the fact that he would be wearing the same clothes, three days in a row. It's not that showers were horrible things invented by the Spanish Inquisition, they just felt awkward on his skin. That and he hated getting wet. He never even swam in a pool when the chance presented itself.

There was one of those individual coffee cup makers in the kitchen so Mike took advantage of that. There was no milk in the refrigerator and to his dismay, no sugar in the cabinet.

"People in Colorado are fucking weird." He said to no one in particular.

As he sipped the first taste of coffee that morning something compelled him to take a tour of the house. It was pretty standard. Mike walked into the living room and took in the sight of the completely white room. Where a TV should have been there was a large bookcase filled with old books on law and U.S. History. Mike perused the volumes and noticed titles like "The Left Wing Terror" and "The Responsible Homemaker." Mike eventually found a book on creationism and took it to the chair by the window in the living room.

From the first chapter it talked about how mainstream science is all about silencing the Christian right from their beliefs in creation. It had pictures of people walking next to dinosaurs and even provided an explanation as to why certain fossils are found in certain strata. Basically, God did it. Mike wondered how someone could even get an advance on writing such a book. He threw it across the room with no regard as to it's safe return to the bookshelf.

It was then that Mike turned left from the chair and looked through a window on the side of the room. The grass's sprinkler system was on and from his vantage point in the light it made rainbows in front of him. He got up and walked to the window, perhaps to open it, when he saw a short Hispanic man in a yellow work shirt and blue jeans just staring in the middle of the front lawn, as if he were soaking up the water from the sprinklers. Mike squinted and saw something like wrinkles appearing and disappearing on the man's skin and had to look away for a second. When he returned his gaze the man was staring straight at him with benevolent eyes. They were black, like shined marbles that glowed with a reddish tint. Mike blinked a few times as if to get something out of his eyes but the man was still there when he did so.

A hand grabbed Mike from the back and he screamed like a little bitch at the touch. He jumped and spilled his cup of coffee onto the white shag rug. When he looked at the source of the unwelcome welcome he saw Anna staring at him as if he was some sort of pretty Christmas tree ornament.

Mike looked over out the window again but the man was gone.

"What's wrong love?" Anna asked.

Mike did a double take before facing her again. "You're dad hires some fucked up Mexicans."

Anna's face frowned. "That's racist Mike."

Mike shook his head. "There was one of them just standing in the sprinklers looking at me. Like in the eyes!"

"Maybe he was just trying to cool off? I dunno. It was still racist Mike."

Mike shrugged and went back to the bathroom for one of the hanging hand towels to put over his coffee spill. "You're father is going to be pissed at this isn't he?"

Anna watched as he lay the towel from the linen closet over the brown spot on the carpet, as if she were supervising the activity. "No. I don't think so." She said. "He never comes here." Her eyes squinted and she licked the bridge of Mike's nose. "Never."

Mike took the hint and kissed her back. As they embraced she unbuckled his pants and he tried in vain to undo her bra. He eventually gave up and she had to undo it. They made love with him still wearing a shirt and socks but she didn't mind. It was the most she's been able to get him to take off in a long time. The sex wasn't Earth shattering or really even all that satisfying in the end. She just had pent up sexual energy and Mike was just happy that she didn't turn around and call him a rapist.

Mike shuddered as his last thrust into her ended the whole game of hide and seek. They fell apart into a heap on the floor next to the couch. Anna smiled and sat up next to him. She felt herself leak with his seed so she gathered her clothes and headed to the bathroom. It took Mike a minute or two to get back his breath and put his clothes back on. He sat awkwardly on the couch with his hands between his knees while he waited for her to hose his stuff out of her coochie coo.. He always felt slightly guilty whenever he came inside somebody. It was like the total position of dominance, and Mike just wasn't a dominant guy. He sometimes used to wish he was a girl because he felt like that's where his role was better suited seeing as his personality was that of a bottom. He liked being a guy and having sex with girls, he just felt weird whenever he did something to solidify that fact. Coming in her, he felt, was predatory. Like he was marking his territory with gooeyness. This gave him a chill but also made his penis stiffen just a touch. His hand went under his fly and he touched himself and sniffed his hand. He never understood why some of the guys at his old high school would have sex and then brag to their friends while they shoved their hands in their faces asking them to smell the sex on them.

Anna came back with a large white towel and sat it next to the couch. She walked around and sat on Mike's lap. Which was a little uncomfortable seeing as she was probably the same size he was. He wasn't sure who weighed more. It was a shock and utter miracle of nature that Zack actually weighed less than he did. Probably less than she did! Still though, he found himself wishing more and more lately that he could be Zack. The man was self confident and had no problem displaying his maleness to the world. He had at least five girls a week and there were never repeats. It's like he did the entire female body of the Auraria Campus and had to outsource his pussy supply to neighboring cities.

Mike looked at his small hands and then at his big feet. It was like he had started growing earlier in life but his body had gotten lazy and stopped. He stalled at a paltry five foot seven. Anna was probably an inch taller than he was, something that Zack had fun with, but he wasn't too concerned with girl's height. That is unless of course they were as tall as Zack was. In which case he could have them.

Anna saw Mike staring at his hands and weaved her fingers into his fingers. Mike looked up and smiled. Giving her a kiss on the lips. Kissing was actually how our ancestors judged a good mate. See a mate is better suited to the female if he has an immune system that differs more than hers. If you ever had an awesome kiss it was most likely because your immune systems were too different. This is because the immune system is the only thing you get from both your father and mother. So having two different immune systems in you just made you all the more stronger. Mike smiled, evolutionary psychology was just fantastic.

But back to Anna. He did love her, but he often times felt as if she stayed with him out of pity and not for the love of his quirky personality and amazing body.

Mike giggled to himself, Anna continued to snuggle against him.

He could never tell what a person was thinking from body language. That's one thing that people with Asperger's can't do. Read faces. Mike never knew if somebody was happy or sad or angry with him unless they told him they were. Many times he found out too late as to how they felt and it always ended the relationship between him and said friend / girlfriend. Like Mandy before Anna. She always would tell him one thing but then get mad when he obliged. He could never tell when she was being serious or not. It's one thing you never do is tell somebody with autism to get lost. They just might take your advice to heart and a the local government could spend thousands to bring you back safely.

In Mike's case it was the 16th mall. She had told him to get out of her sight so he bussed it all the way downtown for no other reason than the bus was right in front of Mandy's house. She was weird, he thought. They'd have sex and she would compare him unfavorably to older boyfriends. Boyfriends with "tattoos and big dicks with big attitudes." He tried to be more dominant with her, especially in the bedroom, but his attempts at domination and dirty talk sort of just fell flat and all that was left was a short man with a high pitched moan telling the unimpressed woman underneath him that she's a dirty, dirty whore. Not that she was ever convinced by this unlikely portrayal of what he thought what it was be a man in the bedroom. He finally walked out on her when she asked him to choke her while he fucked her ass from behind.

It would have stayed at that but then he came back to his dorm and told Zack in confidence what had transpired earlier that morning. The end result was that when he came back from classes that day he found Zack with Mandy, ass in the sky and face on the carpet while he face fucked her from his bed. Mike stood silently watching as Zack gave him the thumbs up with the biggest shit eating grin he ever did see. He left when so he could regained his composure. But the end result was that he found Anna that night.

Seeing what he had saw drained the blood from his face so he walked down to the school nurse for a Tylenol. He didn't need a Tylenol. He just wanted to get away for a little bit. In the waiting room was Anna, holding her chin with her left hand and reading a book with the other. Mike never normally sat next to people when they were near him but something made him sit right next to her.

"Are you okay?" Mike had asked with genuine concern.

"Fine." Was Anna's witty response. She scooted away from him in her chair but Mike didn't get the clue.

"Is there anything I can do for you?" Mike said with concern.

"No." Anna said.

"What if I got you a soda." Mike said as if he were talking to himself. "I'm going to go get you a soda." And before Anna could reply, Mike had already left the waiting area and walked into the front of the office where the vending machine was. He brought her back a diet Coke and gave it to her.

"Not that I think you are fat." Was the only thing he said when he sat back next to her. She had never been talked to like that before and all she could do was laugh at the situation.

"Thanks." She smiled.

Mike smiled back but it looked as if it pained him to do so.

Anna took a sip and in an instant she forgot about her sore jaw. "My name is Anna." She said, taking another sip and using her free hand to reach over his way for a hand shake. He just looked at her for the longest time, like looking into her and out the back end, and finally he took her hand and shook it.

"My name is Mike." He said as he rolled his shoulders and bent over to touch his toes. Anna either didn't notice or she ignored the quirk and laughed. She and him began talking and it turned out that they were both just dumped or had dumped a significant other that day. Her story was a little more intense than Mike's "I was fucking her but I wouldn't hit her" story. She had actually been hit by her now ex-boyfriend over a dispute about who would eat the last yogurt. He was a fitness nut but also a total dick. He had to be six foot five and built like a goddamn tank. He could hold Mike in one hand and squish him with the other. He intimidated Mike to no end. He would still make his face appear around campus every now and then and it took everything for Mike to look the other way. She was now on good terms with him but Mike never really did forgive him for hitting her. Her boyfriend tried to get her back a while later but by then it was already too late. She had fallen for Mike.

Mike thought about all this nostalgically as Anna had her arms around him. He must have zoned out because she was in the middle of asking him something.

"What?" He asked, breaking the daze he had on his hands.

"I just wondered if you'd like to go out and see the town with me today?" Anna cooed.

"Okay I guess." Mike said, more perturbed than excited. He hated going out and meeting new people and having a good time. Why couldn't they just drink at home and watch Scrubs on DVD?

"Cool." Anna said as she rose from the couch. "Let me just put on something a little more outdoorsy." She walked away from Mike and he stood up to follow her but for some reason didn't.

"You look fine the way you are." Mike said in a low, very un-authoritative voice.

Anna looked herself over a few times before shrugging. She was in an evening gown still but she supposed Mike was right and it looked like a real dress anyways. But she was a Colorado girl, she wanted her jeans and a t-shirt. She said as much before she left the guest house and Mike was all alone again in the place.

Mike went back into the kitchen and thought about making another cup of coffee. But he still felt guilty about wasting the previous effort so he decided against it. Even though it would sure be nice for one at that moment in time. Mike sighed.

"Hey fagot!" Zack's voice filled the kitchen. He must have snuck in. His tall, gangly body slinked into the room and he opened the fridge in pursuit of sustenance. He dug into the back of it and pulled out a liter carton of milk. Mike was angry at himself for not seeing it but it was a lost cause now. Zack downed the high calorie cow secretion with a few fell gulps and wiped his mouth with his Rancid hoodie sleeve. He walked around Mike and found a trash can to dispose of the item.

"I smell sex." Zack said. "I smell sex on you. Did you actually use your penis this morning?"

Mike didn't know how he knew it. "What?" He said defensively.

"You smell like pussy." Zack laughed and put his long arm around Mike. "I have an exceptional sense of smell."

"I have twenty / ten vision." Mike said without knowing whether or not he was contributing to the conversation. Zack let go of Mike and opened the fridge again in search of more things he could not gain weight on.

"It's good to know that you aren't a fagot who's going to want my enormous manly penis." Zack said as he took out a box of saltine crackers from the fridge. "What the fuck?" He said to no one in particular and put it aside on the counter top next to it. Mike felt ashamed that his personal business was all over the news. He just wanted to go hide in a vacant room upstairs.

"I need to find me some fuck in this town." Zack said as he grabbed a green apple out of the crisper. "I ain't gonna jack off when I could be filling up some young mountain girls with my hot man chowder."

Mike rolled his shoulders and blinked, as if the act would restore order to the situation. Zack smiled and gave Mike a quick hug. "You know I think you're a cool guy right?"

Mike felt a smile grow on his face. "And you know I think you are a man whore right?" He hugged back and Zack held a little bit tighter for a few seconds before letting go.

"I am what I eat." Zack said proudly.

Mike was confused. "Are you saying you are a Granny Smith apple?"

Zack took a bite out of the fruit. "Yes." He said. "That's exactly what I'm saying."

When Anna came back they all set out by foot downtown. The incline of the hill the mansion was on was exceedingly easy to trek, making Mike dread the walk back up. But the day was good so he let it slide. Not that he was all that athletic to begin with, but he could hold his own on a power walk. Zack had petitioned for a vehicle to take them to and fro but for once, Anna sided with Mike on the subject. It was a small town. No one really needed a car. Besides, you had the RTD buses running from six in the morning to twelve at night. Although the bars all close at two am, then there's a transportation problem.

They headed down Lincoln Avenue and were within the city limits in about ten minutes of their departure. The whole place had a creepy "Leave it to Beaver" quality. There were store owners sweeping their front steps while a few groups of women littered the walkways of the sidewalks next to the small buildings. It was all wood and brick and sort of like what you'd expect a Stephen King novel to take place in. The barber shop's red and white twirling sign made Mike think of it's origins as a sign of blood letting. The barber used to blood let along with your shave and cut to help what may have ailed you. Mike was just happy with the fact that it did not signify the use of leeches. How that ever caught on early on in our civilization was beyond him. If he wanted to be drained of his blood he'd wear a coat of honey out in a field of mosquitoes.

Anna showed them the old watering hole, appropriately named "Goodington Pub." This town was never going to get an "F" for a lack of imagination, Mike thought humorously.

Zack wanted to stop in so Anna took Mike's hand and led him into the establishment. Mike knew that asking for alcohol would be a bad idea so instead of ordering along with the two others he just sat in a stool and shut his mouth. Anna noticed the look of sadness on his face and kissed him on the lips.

"You want a white Russian sweety?" She asked.

Mike looked up and smiled. "Sure."

Anna motioned for the bartender. "May I have two white Russians please?"

The bartender, a man in his mid to late sixties, gave her a look of contempt. "You saying you want to drink like a city queer?"

Mike felt himself blush and looked the other way. Anna looked the man over quizzically for a moment or two and burst into laughs. "Hi Frank!"

Frank took a second to recognize her but he seemed to get the picture quickly enough. "Anna! How is college going?"

Anna laughed and clapped her hands. "It's going well. Getting good grades and the work is fabulous." She then reached her arm and put it around Mike. "This is Mike. My new boyfriend."

Frank smiled and held out his hand for Mike to shake. Mike just stared. Zack, feeling the need to butt in, stepped in and shook the guy's large, working man's hand with his own long fingered appendage.

"The name is Zack." He said with a wink. The bartender was immediately taken aback at how strong the young man's grip was. And how big his hands were. He instantly though of him as a fellow mountain man.

"What will it be for you good sir?" Frank asked Zack with a smile, completely ignoring Mike and Anna.

"I'll have a Coor's of course." Zack said matter of factly.

"Right up." Frank saluted Zack then turned to the two others in front of him. "Shirley temples right?"

Mike just shrugged but Anna came to the rescue. "White Russians please."

Frank looked at Mike who was staring at Anna's hand over his. "May I see your ID please?" He asked him. Mike was shocked that he hadn't asked for Zack's or Anna's but he did as told. His ID said that he was twenty four and one hundred and sixty pounds. The man took the ID card from him and looked it over a few times as if he suspected it to be a forgery. After the longest time he gave it back and went over to the proper spots to make the aforementioned drinks.

Zack twirled to the right in his bar stool and laughed. "This place is pretty cool. I could totally see myself living here."

Mike looked at the drink prices up on the board above the bar and immediately felt guilty. Wells were almost five dollars and what they had ordered was technically two drinks. As in two shots. One of Kahlua and one of vodka with a splash of cream to top it off. And there you have a white Russian. Not much room to mess it up really, but he was sure that today would be the day he had a bad one. The bartender obviously didn't do a lot of special drinks and Mike saw the man put just a little too much Kahlua in both of the glasses but thought better of speaking up. If Anna saw it too she didn't let on. The man brought Anna and Mike their drink and then saw to Zack's beverage.

Mike took a sip and cringed. It was definitely generous with the alcohol but it tasted way wrong. Mike's suspicion was right. The man didn't know how to mix anything that didn't already come on a tap.

When Zack got his beer he chugged half of it in two or three gulps. He patted his stomach as if he had to burp but the gas never came. So he took another drink of his beer and settled his eyes on Anna.

"Would you be offended if I told you that you have a very nice ass, Anna?" Zack said sweetly.

Anna blushed but shrugged it away as if it was just another compliment. "Not that you'll be getting any any time soon." She said playfully. Mike felt lost so he continued to sip from his white Russian.

There was a small gaggle of women on the patio area of the bar so Zack got up to go investigate. Anna put her arms around Mike, who reciprocated soon after with a large smile on his prominently Dutch features. He sighed and felt like holding onto her for the remainder of the day. But like any other passing feeling, it went away after a moment and they were both back to sipping their drinks. Anna's face contorted a little at the taste, making Mike feel not quite as crazy for how he perceived the drink before.

Zack came back and boasted that he had gotten one of the girl's numbers. But upon closer inspection, Mike could see that the ladies had to be way older than what Zack was used to fucking. He guessed that with Zack it was more about the chase than the win though. He knows that Zack would fuck Anna in a heart beat, but he'd lose interest once he had nut inside her. He thought that Anna felt the same way because she never gave into his little games. Mike wondered sometimes if she would be happier with a real man like that though. Barefoot and pregnant, he thought. Why couldn't he be a beer drinking, football watching, bitch fucking male like the rest of the population? He felt horribly inadequate next to his friend, or any other man for that matter. It made Mike hug Anna and go just a little bit tighter than what was comfortable for her. She let him do it though because she could tell he was starting to realize that he was in public, and completely scared of everything around him. She kissed him on the cheek and he let go of her. His face was blank and he turned back to his drink and finished it. He wondered if he should take an Ativan but as soon as he took the bottle out of his pocket, Anna stopped him.

"You've been drinking." She warned him.

Mike shrugged. "Just one drink."

"Yes but your medication gets you drunk a lot faster than normal."

"I'm fine." Mike said as he opened the childproof cap and retrieved a pill from the bottom of the plastic container. He chased it with the last drop of his white Russian and sat the glass back onto the bar. He put the bottle back into his pants pocket and smiled at Anna.

Anna smiled back but it was more of a sad smile than anything else. Zack was still talking but neither of them had paid much attention to him when he got back to the bar.

Zack finished his beer and stood up. He declared victory and walked out of the bar without first waiting to see if either Anna or Mike wanted to leave yet. They followed suit anyways just to keep up on things. Mike looked around the main street and got the urge to find a book store.

"Is there a book store around here?" Mike asked. "I bet I could find some really cool paperbacks in a town like this."

Anna bit her lip and pointed down to the right of the square. Surely enough there was a small shop on the far right corner about two blocks from them with a sign that said "Nagget's Books." Mike felt himself smile and led Anna down with him. Zack put his hands in his hoodie pockets and followed suit. As they passed some pedestrians Mike noticed that they were all carrying water bottles. One man even poured the contents of his bottle over his face before shaking his head and drying off with his shirt collar. Which was odd seeing as the man was wearing a suit. For the life of him though, Mike could not see that there were any signs of anyone other than white around the area. He had yet to see a minority in town and he wondered if bringing it up would make him sound racist again. He knew that there were Mexican yard workers and servants but at the moment there was no evidence that anyone of race held any sort of power position in the town. This bothered Mike.

They crossed Taft Street and were finally at the bookstore. Nagget's was a cool little shop, boasting on the chalkboard sign out front that they had latte's and everything was ten percent off. Mike was in heaven. That is, of course, until he saw the selection that the store had.

Mike walked in to the sound of an electronic ring, which rung again and again as Anna and Zack came in behind him. Mike went straight for the suspense section but found that the place had little variety. There was a shit ton of John Grisham books but nothing really standing out as a no name. The non-Grisham titles were things such as "The Cat Who Solved a Murder" or "D is for Death." Where did this place get it's stock from? Wal-Mart?

Actually now that he thought of it, maybe there was one in this town. They'd probably have a better selection of books if anything. A short white haired wild man came from around a bookshelf and smiled.

"I'm Mr. Nagget." He said as he reached for Mike's hand to shake. Mike fell back into Anna in fright and she righted him back up into the standing position. The man looked confused and bewildered but smiled non-the-less. "Is there anything I can help you find?"

Mike swallowed hard. "Do you have anything by Chuck Palahniuk?"

The man laughed. "I don't stock those sorts of books here. No one ever buys them." He looked around as if to say something secret. "I can get you some though. Any book in particular?"

Mike felt uneasy. "I haven't read Dammed yet."

"Oh that's a great one!" Mr. Nagget said pleasantly. "I can have it for you tomorrow. I keep some extra stock at the house that I have just for such people like you."

Anna beamed and hugged Mike. "See," she said. "It's not all bad here."

Mike turned to her. "Yeah but he has to go to his house to go get it."

"Oh it will be here tomorrow." Nagget assured him. "Got it all remembered in my noggin."

Mike felt his pockets for a pen and something to write on. "Just in case, do you have a sticky note or something?"

Mr. Nagget looked offended. "I never forget. I'm like an elephant."

Mike wondered where the man took biology, but let it slide. "Thanks..."

Anna let go of Mike's arm and followed Zack toward the end of the shop looking for whatever stood out to them. Mike stood helplessly in front of the proprietor wishing he still had Anna at his side.

The man took note of his discomfort and motioned for Mike to sit behind the cluttered front desk. "Would you like a coffee?" The man asked, already heading for the latte machine.

"Anna has the money... Sir." Mike said, almost pleading in a way.

The man waved it off. "It's on the house. It's rare to find another Palahniuk fan in these parts." The man laughed and poured some milk in a metal container. The swoosh of the steam wand startled Mike but he got himself back together in time to grab the drink from the man's arthritic hands. Arthritis or not, Mike wished he had knuckles that big. The thought made him crack his knuckles, much to the old man's dismay. Once Mike started one finger he had to pop them all, thumbs included.

"What's up with this town?" Mike asked as he took a sip of the surprisingly good coffee drink.

Nagget shrugged. "Reddest state of affairs I ever saw if you ask me."

"Pretty conservative place?" Mike asked, taking another drink.

"You don't know the half of it! They still won't recognize Amendment twenty, which makes it legal to buy and consume marijuana for medicinal purposes."

"You mean they won't let you get high?" Mike asked, a little bewildered as to why it was brought up in the first place. He just assumed the man was just a big old hippy.

"It's medicine." The man corrected him. "I have bad arthritis and it helps me."

Mike knew that some people used pot for such reasons but never felt strongly about it one way or another. He just wished people would stop saying that they take the stuff for medicine instead of just admitting that they loved to get shit face stoned all the time.

"Plus they drove the planned parenthood from the town!" Nagget said in a soft voice, as if not to alert anyone to what it was he had just said.

"Too many abortions?" Mike asked.

"That's the thing!" Nagget went on. "The doctor had only performed three in the thirty years it was opened. But yet that idiot Shoemaker still shut it down on the grounds that the man was a murderer. Tried to indict him on it as well. The man was forced from town and pregnancies and STD's among the young people in this town sky rocketed! Did you know that the schools are teaching abstinence only education to our young kids?"

Mike shook his head, unsure whether or not he cared. But the subject did bring to mind the little diddly daddly that had went on between him and Anna that morning. He sniffed his hand.

"And that's not all! Did you know that the people in this city actually voted that there would be no businesses open on Sundays here? Not even the liquor store or the local food market!"

"Food market?" Mike asked.

"It's our version of Krogers or King Soopers. It's just like one of those but without the clever name."

"Oh, okay." Mike took another sip and looked over toward the back of the store where he saw Anna and Zack kneeling together over a large brown hardback book.

"This place scares me sometimes too." Mr. Nagget was saying. Mike returned his gaze toward him and raised his eyebrows.

"Why would you say that?"

"Oh man..." The old man began. "I just have been getting these looks from people lately. It's like business is coming to a stand still. I even heard from a loyal customer the other day that Shoemaker was going to start a bonfire with the high school's science books. Says that it undermines the Bible's authority."

Mike's attention had been grasped. "Really? Is he really like that?"

"Oh yes." Nagget continued. "Had a few people tell me that my shop was going to be next if I didn't stop selling smut."

Mike took a quick look around the store. "Smut?"

Nagget walked over to the back of where Mike was sitting and took a book out from the library behind him. "Stuff like this." He handed Mike a book by Richard Dawkins, the famous biologist and renowned Atheist. Mike had read his stuff before and thought it to be very informative as well as entertaining. Well, at least as entertaining as non-biography non-fiction could be. Then Nagget took out a Carl Sagan book, then an Anna Rice vampire novel.

"That's fiction." Mike corrected Nagget, who just shook his head.

"Doesn't matter. They want to censor what I sell. Saying that I was corrupting their youth. Honestly I don't know what their problem is. I've been here over twenty years and have just now started to take flak about what I sell. It's like the city changed over night into right wing zombies. Nobody is ever seen out on a Sunday anymore. They just all go to that damn church near the foot of the mountain pass every day."

Mike put his drink down on the desk counter. His appetite suddenly gone.

"To be honest I'm a little afraid for my life." Nagget confided in Mike.

Mike didn't know what to say to that. Surely there were no people out in the streets that wanted to harm this old man. Were there? Mike hoped not. But he did somewhat sense the very unwelcoming vibe from the townsfolk.

"Would you like to come over to my place tomorrow to get the book? Or what about tonight?" Nagget asked. "I just live down the street from here, about four blocks. Nice big house. Not like the newer ones that suddenly sprung up but a nice house non-the-less."

Mike shrugged. "I'll have to ask Anna."

"Ah, Anna." Nagget smiled. "Is that who you're with?"

Mike nodded and got up from his seat. "You know her too?"

"Of course. She's the only good thing to come out of Shoemaker in thirty years."

"He's been a selectman for that long?" Mike asked. "Is that legal?"

"This is a backwards ass town, my boy." Nagget said.

Anna and Zack came back with the book that they were looking at. It was a large collectors edition Star Trek hardback graphic novel. Zack took the book from her and placed it on the counter. Nagget smiled upward at the lanky guy and told him that it would be forty dollars, tax included.

"Sweet!" Zack said as he took out his wallet to retrieve his credit card.

Nagget's eyes widened and he shoved the card back towards Zack, who got annoyed immediately. "Sorry young man." He said. "But we're a cash only business. The entire town is."

Zack's eyes squinted with fury but he let it subside. "Where's an ATM?"

"Next store at The Druggist." Nagget said.

"The Druggist?" Mike asked with a hint of disbelief.

"That's what the drug store here is called. That's what you call a pharmacist out east across the sea. That or a chemist." Nagget seemed to be proud that he knew this. Everyone else did as well but they knew better than to rob an old man of a prideful moment. Most of all at least Mike did. Zack just put up his hands and walked out the front door to The Druggist right next to it. As they waited Nagget made Anna and Zack a latte. Anna got hers first while Nagget placed Zack's on the front desk counter in wait for his arrival.

"Nagget wants to know if we could meet up with him at his place later tonight." Mike told Anna. "He said he could get me that book I wanted."

Anna lifted an eyebrow. "The one by Chuck Palahniuk? The Dammed one?"

Mike smiled. "Yeah."

Anna sighed and turned to Nagget. "So how much should I bring?"

Nagget shrugged. "It's on the house. I'm just happy for the company." His smile was warm and inviting and any preconceived notions about the man being a serial rapist were ironically washed away with the invitation. Especially since she would most definitely bring Zack along. With him, despite his frequent pleas for her female opening, he was a great guy to have around in case something got physical. Mike was great and all but it was nice having a big guy around you when you were in a precarious situation. Such as meeting up with strange men. Mike would try to intimidate, but Zack could actually deliver. She wondered sometimes what would of happened if she had met Zack first. Would she have been into his testosterone laden fare or would she have been repelled like a negatively charged magnet. It would depend on where she was in life at the time she supposed.

And if she knew about his freakishly huge dick. Taking on Zack is would definitely be a commitment.

Mike continued to look around the store until Zack came back and made his entrance via slamming of the glass door. "Got it fucker." He smiled and handed Nagget two twenties. The old man happily put the Star Trek memorabilia into an oversized paper bag with handles and handed it to Zack.

"I never knew you were a Trekky?" Mike said nonchalantly.

"I'm not." He smiled. "But I hear nerdier chicks are easier to get in bed. There all so emotionally unstable and I can't wait to rock their world!"

Nagget laughed. "That works for me!" and patted Zack on the shoulder. Mike was starting to get a little angry that everyone in town loved Zack but ignored him.

"We're going to his house later so Mike can pick up a book." Anna told Zack, who was reading the liner of the large Dan Brown hardcover book.

"That's fine." Zack said, not looking up. But then he did. "Why don't you have the book here in the store?"

Nagget shrugged sadly. "Things have just not been going well. What used to sell no longer does. It used to be everyone in town loved to read a good book. Now it's all just stuff about conservative politics. I've never seen a town so united in it's political views."

"And you don't sell this book here why?" Zack asked.

The old man shrugged. "Imagine having an all Christian clientele and selling a book about a sweet little girl going to hell written by an openly homosexual author who has written about bomb making in previous books. It just doesn't go down well with them for some reason." He laughed but then caught himself, drooping into a depressed slouch. The man looked beaten and Mike wished he knew what to say.

Anna said it for him. "Mr. Nagget, could you write down your address for me?"

The man looked up and beamed a wide smile. "Of course Anna. You remember me don't you?"

"Of course I do." Her voice was warm and inviting. "You used to teach science at the middle school. When did you quit?"

Nagget shook his head and giggled. "I had to have retired almost six years ago. You've been gone a while."

"I know. You were four years in when I left."

Mike thought about it and decided that that had to mean that Anna left here at the age of twenty two. What on Earth kept her here that long? The two hugged and she took the address from him as they left. Zack gave the large bag to Mike and told him to carry it.

"I'm not your mule." Mike said.

"No, but you're the closest thing to one in my vicinity." Zack countered. Anna scoffed and took the bag. She then proceeded to walk faster than the other two down the sidewalk leading to the other side of the block.

"What do you say we go to the mine museum?" She said as if to no one in particular.

"I'm down." Zack said before Mike could confer. He hated being last for anything. Especially when the first person to get to that anything was Zack. Didn't he have enough already? Mike rolled his shoulders and shook his hands for a second before calming down enough to stop a moment later.

Zack noticed Mike's discomfort and laughed. Mike didn't make any effort to defend himself, instead he just followed the two down the sidewalk about six blocks to the mine museum.

They got to the entrance at the outskirt of the town and looked at the faux coal burning train out front of the place. It was in the middle of the walking area and was extremely awkward in it's placing. You almost had to walk around it to get to the entrance.

Once inside Mike felt the fresh cool breeze of the AC rush toward his face. He relished it seeing as it was over eighty degrees outside, in the winter no less. He had always been afraid of global warming. At least he was whenever there was no air conditioning available. He never bought into the whole world under water thing. There'd still be land left, a lot actually. But just a little bit of a map can displace millions of people. He was just glad he lived in Colorado, what with a fifty two hundred foot plus altitude, had less worries about flooding and more so about prairie dogs. Not that those little creatures weren't cute, but something about them always made Mike imagine one of them biting his finger to the bone like his third grade teddy bear hamster had once done. Even after the stitches, Mike protested his father's killing it. Instead he let it go free out in the back where he used to live. There was a nice little batch of trees and such there. Although two days later his cat came to the door with little Dr. Zeus in his mouth, proudly displaying Mike's beloved dead hamster. He remembered that was the first time he had questioned God's existence.

Before he knew it he was already passed the front desk where Anna paid for all three of them with the cash she had gotten out of the bank before the trip. She knew about the cash only rule apparently but forgot to tell either of them. Whoops. Mike didn't have to worry because Anna oversaw his finances. Zack on the other hand was always borrowing money. Anna made Mike stop lending him it though when it was found out that he was paying high school girls to take nude photos with his phone. He said they were all eighteen but for his sake, Mike hoped they were.

The museum itself wasn't very spectacular. Just a bunch of plaques talking about the eighteen hundreds gold rush that once took place there and founded the town. The name Goodington came from Professor Jack Goodington, a prominent congressman from Colorado back in the day. He had the gold fever himself and took his family to the mountains. Once he struck it rich he never looked back.

After walking past fifteen cases, all displaying a gold nugget of varying sizes, Anna felt her stomach rumble.

"How about we go get something to eat at the diner here?" She asked her two male companions.

Zack stretched his elongated limbs to the ceiling of the museum hallway and yawned. "I could eat something now."

Mike just nodded.

They walked back towards the front where there was a little burger joint attached to the entrance. No one was there except a tall, skinny, young blond girl at the register, talking to the equally thin, but short, ticket girl from the front window of the museum. Zack walked a little bit faster than the rest and got to her seconds before the other two did.

"What's a thing like you working in a place like this?" Zack said, smiling wide enough to show off his nicotine stained chompers.

The girl, who's name tag read "Mary Lin" giggled. Zack licked his lips and came forward on her. "What do you have today that's good?"

Mike and Anna rolled their eyes collectively. Mary Lin laughed and showed them to their seats in the empty lobby. The seats were welded to the tables in a really tacky fashion that was not like the current high quality stylings of the museum around them.

Zack took his seat first and took a menu from Mary. Anna and Mike followed suit and started looking at what the place had to offer.

"Can I get you something to drink fellas?" Mary said sweetly, not taking her eyes off of Zack, who in turn was winking at her devilishly.

"I'll have a water." Anna said without looking up from her menu.

"Diet soda." Mike said sheepishly.

"Diet Coke good with you?" Mary asked.

"Yup." Mike said with a small, half assed smile.

Then Mary Lin looked down at Zack and started chewing on her pen.

"And you?" She asked.

Zack smiled and took her free hand. "I'll have you my sweet, pretty mountain woman." He said as he kissed the back of her hand. She giggled and they both stared at each other for the longest time before she said anything else.

"So, how about a Coke?" She asked Zack. He nodded and kissed her hand again.

"Don't keep us waiting." He said. Mary Lin smiled again and left to get them their drinks.

"I swear Zack!" Anna cursed under her breath. "Is there any time your dick isn't out of your pants?"

Zack's grin grew wide. "You think that was something?" He got up and looked back at the kitchen entrance door. "Wait till you see this." Zack casually walked over to the door and went in. Anna was flabbergasted but Mike took no notice.

"I've seen him pick up a homeless chick before and offered her some chicken for a blowjob." Mike said without taking his eyes off of the menu.

Anna threw her hands up in disgust and settled back down by resting her head on her hand propped up by her elbow. They both waited for their drinks but after five minutes they were still left high and dry. Mike was about to get up and say something when they saw Zack come out of the metallic kitchen door across from them and zipped up his fly. He had the biggest shit eating grin on his face and the air of somebody who had just killed somebody and successfully framed it on the nerd.

He sat back down in his seat and could not contain his enthusiasm. "She was so hot I came on her face!" Zack said like a dork then laughed.

Mike would have spit his drink out at the comment if he had had anything in his mouth at the time. Anna put her finger down her throat and made a gagging sound. Zack just laughed.

"You should try some of the big sausage when you get tired of the cocktail weenies you've been getting." Zack giggled like he was a fourth grader telling a dirty joke. Making a reference to his large penis. Mike hated him for it because he was insecure about himself. He wondered why Anna stuck with him when she could in fact, have a guy like Zack. She always told him that she thought Zack was disgusting but he knew for certain that if his penis were just a little bit bigger than she would be a lot more happier with him. He sighed and closed the menu and put it on his right side.

"Penny for your thoughts?" Anna said.

Zack took the cue to brag a little more. "Man I made her cum three times!" He added a visualization by raising three lanky fingers.

Anna shushed Zack and looked back over at Mike.

"Do I make you cum?" Mike asked as if he was scared of the answer. Anna shook her head in protest to the question while Zack howled with laugher.

"Can't even make her happy can you sonny Jim?" Zack roared, trying to sound Irish but coming out more like a frat boy making fun of their accent.

Anna punched Zack in the chest, with little to no reaction from him. He just sat there and smiled victoriously.

"Mike I love making love with you. You're fine. Let's not talk about this in front of this pervert." Anna took Mike by his hands under the terry cloth table and squeezed them tight. Mike did not look up but he squeezed back in acknowledgment.

Mary Lin finally came out with the drinks and handed them to each of their prospective orderers. She smiled and took out her note pad to take down their orders.

"What can I get for you guys?" She asked as if she had just won the lottery.

Mike shrugged. "Mushroom and swish burger." He said as he handed her his menu. "Please." He made an attempt at smiling but he just couldn't face the being that had just been fucked by his roommate.

Anna followed suit. "I'll have that too."

Zack gave Mary his menus and said "I'll have the biggest piece of meat you got."

Mary Lin giggled and wrote down something. "Half pounder good with you hun?" She giggled.

Zack smiled. "Sound's wonderful.

As Mary Lin wrote all this down, Mike noticed that the tip of her right ear had some sort of white goo stuck on it. He knew what it was and it made his appetite go away immediately. He wanted to tell Anna but she would have just made a scene. Zack really did cum on her face.

Mary Lin gathered up the menus already in her arms and walked back to the kitchen.

"God I'm an artist." Zack said pridefully.

"What do you mean artist?" Anna asked impatiently.

"Some artists give their woman an ear. So did I." He laughed.

Mike knew then that he had admired his handiwork.

When they left the museum, Mary Lin had given Zack her phone number and was now currently talking to the man who had shampooed her hair with his spunk. For some reason Zack could get away with treating girls like trash and it confounded Mike as to why such an approach would work on any sane girl. He was talking about getting a blow job from a Vietnamese prostitute a few years back and Mike could hear Mary Lin on the other line just laughing along with him.

Anna was in a funk now that she'd seen Zack single hand-idly turn they're outing into a girl hunting expedition. But she didn't let it bring her completely down. Throughout the rest of the day Mike and Anna held hands as they toured the small town. When they ran out of places to go, Mike suggested that they stop by Nagget's place for that book.

When they got there it was about six o'clock and all the other stores in town had closed up shop. It was weird to see no lights anywhere downtown that early in the evening. The house was modest, considering where they were staying at least. It was a run down two story gig with blue paint on the vinyl siding. Mike walked up with Anna to the door and pressed the door bell. Mike squeezed Anna's hand but her squeeze in return told him that she wouldn't let anything happen to him. As much as he hated to admit it, he doubted anyone would fuck with him with Zack around. He was a man whore yes, but he had his moments when he could be a genuine sweetheart who would totally knock an offender upside the head if someone tried to do anything to them.

Like the time that Mike spent a week in the hospital psych ward for a break down on campus. He had taken five classes, paying for the fifth one out of his own pocket seeing as financial aid only paid for four, and it just caught up with him. He was in the middle of the Auraria Campus next to the library when he just broke down and dropped his books. He collapsed onto the pavement and refused to move until a paramedic placed him on a stretcher. To Mike's surprise, Zack was there first and not Anna. He brought Mike his favorite book, Junky by William S. Burroughs, and gave it to him in the ER. Mike had not known what to say but Zack seemed to just be content with silence while they waited for the doctor. It made Mike wonder if it was the same guy that violated an obviously underage girl earlier could be that man who held his hand while they committed him to a mental ward.

Anna was still carrying Zack's book and was swinging it when the door opened. She accidently side swiped poor Mr. Nagget but he didn't seem to mind.

"Nice to see you guys!" He said, welcoming them into his humble home. "Come in! Come in! I made tea!"

Much to the dismay of Georgia born and raised Micheal Inman, the tea was hot and unsweetened. Zack and Anna didn't mind at all seeing as they grew up on the stuff. Mike felt like a total hick asking for sugar so he just kept to himself and sipped on the scolding hot water which contained little to no flavor.

Nagget had a huge book case in his living room that fill damn near half the walking space. Books were in front of books and on top of books and the like. Mike could never in a million years find anything in that mess but Mr. Nagget seemed to know where things were and immediately found the book he was looking for. He handed Mike "Dammed" by Chuck Palahniuk and Mike looked as if he was going to tear up in joy. He just wiped his eyes and nodded to Mr. Nagget.

"Got any porn?" Zack asked.

"ZACK!" Anna hissed.

Mr. Nagget just laughed. "My dear lady, porn has been the subject of free speech for decades. Surely you can't be that prudish in this day and age."

"I can." Mike said softly as he looked through the other titles on Nagget's shelf.

"Why yes. I believe in free speech and I want something to spank it to that isn't this chick right here." Zack stuck out his tongue and nudged Anna, who was not amused.

Mr. Nagget went into his kitchen and came back with two of the most recent Playboy's that had come out. "I don't sell these in my stores anymore." He said as he handed them to Zack.

"Why not?" Zack wondered aloud. "It's not like there's any penetration in these things."

"I know..." Nagget said. "But the way the town's people are behaving you'd think I was selling meth to underage children!"

Mike couldn't help but remember the Hispanic man on the lawn earlier that morning, doing what looked like him soaking up some sprinkler water in the middle of the hot sunny morning. Then as fast as he had appeared, he vanished. It gave Mike a shudder to think about it.

"Fucking Catholics!" Nagget said scornfully to no one in particular.

"Excuse me?" Anna said, honestly not sure what was being discussed.

"Oh it's them fucking Catholics that are ruining my business!" Nagget said as he wobbled back into the kitchen to get himself a cup of tea. "They've been petitioning to get my store closed. Honestly if I didn't still have a lease there, I'd move as quickly as I could." He shook his head in disgust and then put his cup on his coffee table and went back into the kitchen, returning a second later with a large tin of sugar cubes. This made Mike smile.

"Sugar?" Nagget asked cheerfully. Mike was the only one who took any, which made him feel even more left out, but the tea benefited from the choice in his opinion. Nagget seemed appeased with where his audience was and decided to go further. "Anna, you're still a resident here right?"

"I am not sure Mr. Nagget. I'll have to look into that." Anna said as she took another sip.

"It's just that they are trying to introduce a bill that would bring Creationism into our school system up here." Nagget said mournfully. "I told Mike here about Shoemaker's plans at burning the high school text books for being offensive. But I was hoping maybe you could talk to your father about it? Maybe help him change his mind about this and the many other laws that he has suddenly presented the town with over the past few months?"

Anna took this in for a few moments before taking another sip of her very hot black tea. "I don't know. I'm not even sure I know him any more."

Nagget smiled warmly and took her hand, making Mike jealous in the process. "I wouldn't ask if I didn't think you could do it." He let her hand go and stood up, walking toward the book shelf he sighed. "Sometimes I think the world is going backwards you know?"

Zack nodded somberly. Mike was still looking at the liner notes of his new book and Anna trembled a little thinking about the things she was being told.

"This town has gone crazy since you left Anna." He told her. "Did you know they shut down the planned parenthood?"

Anna shook her head but the news did strike a chord with her.

"We even had a gay couple move to town about a month ago. Wouldn't you know, after a week or two of them living together one of them disappears and the next thing you know the other guy is marrying Mary Sue from the Druggist. She works as a pharmacist's assistant. I mean, what happened to the other man? Why did the partner go with a girl and not another guy?"

"Maybe he just wanted a vagina?" Zack said, honestly trying to contribute to the conversation.

"You don't just undo a young man." Nagget said sternly. "I really think something bad is happening in this town."

Anna laughed. "Nothing is wrong. This place is just becoming more conservative is all."

"They won't even acknowledge my red card marijuana license here!"

Mike shrugged. "Drugs are looked down upon anywhere you go."

"Yes, but this is my medicine!" Nagget protested.

"You smoke marijuana to get high. Simple as that." Anna said matter-of-factly.

"Man you guys are some major buzz kills. Anyone want a cookie?"

Nagget produced a little baggy of green tinted sugar cookies from his pants pocket and took one out. He handed it to Mike, who without thinking, ate the entire thing in one bite. It wasn't until after he swallowed that he could see Anna's shocked face and Zack and Nagget's amused ones. Mike didn't have to ask. He had just eaten a pot cookie, he knew it.

They left after about an hour or so of talking about current events and pot culture. Mike could already feel his cheeks getting numb so he clung to Anna's side like a Gucci purse. Zack was on the phone again with Mary Lin, talking about maybe eating her out for breakfast, and laughing in-between her horrible, horrible jokes about black people. Zack didn't seem to mind her being racist and in fact, egged her on at times. It made Mike wonder what length a man would go to to get his dick wet.

Nagget was a cool guy it seemed, just a big old hippie in a town that didn't seem to care about big old hippies. It was Colorado for Christ's sake. They had legalized marijuana years ago.

It's my medicine, thought a very stoned Mike. He was so dizzy that he nearly lost his footing but Anna kept him upright. It was about seven o'clock at night the town was dead. No more business owners sweeping their fronts and no middle aged white women walking about. The place seemed to be a ghost town after four. Mike felt a little tinge of what could be considered horny, but he was too afraid to ask Anna if she wanted to do it.

Zack on the other hand was all but jerking off while talking to Mary Lin. Mike, for a brief moment, wished he had Zack's way with women.

"I want to get your shit on my dick and make you smell it." Zack cooed into his cell phone. Zack immediately forgot what he had just thought a moment before and was now on the verge of throwing up. That is if you could even get nauseous on anything related to pot.

Didn't marijuana help with that? He thought nervously as he fought back the saliva building up in his mouth that precipitated a throw up attack.

They got back on Lincoln and headed up towards the mayor's mansion, aka: Anna's home. Mike was still reeling on the fact that Anna had never told him that her parents were into politics. Let alone that one of them was the selectman of any given village, town, or city.

He knew that there was a difference between the three but at this moment in time he was just happy to be standing up, never mind walking. Mike put his head on Anna's shoulder as they walked and she patted his soft brown hair. He hugged her and moaned.

When they got to the front door Mike asked if she could lead him to the guest house, he had to lay down and they'd been walking all day. Zack was still on his phone but wrapped up the conversation by the time he got to the door. His smile was almost as wide as his... Um... You know? The dude is blessed.

Anna knocked a few times before realizing that she had a key. But before she could fish it out of her pocket, Consuelo answered.

The short Hispanic woman looked them over for a second before declaring "Mr. Henry is no here." before starting to shut the door. In annoyance, Zack pushed her back and walked past her in a huff on his way up the stairs and into the room right next to where Henry and Mary slept. Consuelo looked up at him as he fled to the room then turned back to look at the two remaining college students at her door.

"Mr. Henry is n..." She was saying before Anna and Mike proceeded to copy Zack and make their way rudely past her. But her expression did not change. In fact she just looked back out the door to see if there were anymore visitors, then shut it.

Anna took Mike out back and to the guest house, where she unlocked the door and led him into the living room. She laid him on the white corduroy couch and he was immediately snoring softly. She sat with him for the longest time, just staring at his chest go up and down with each breath. She really did like him. Maybe even loved him. She wondered sometimes whether she actually cared about him or was she caring about caring for someone with obvious deficits in life. After all she was going to school to be a nurse. Was Mike a warm up? Did she love him or was she in love with the idea of caring for somebody.

Mike's hand gravitated toward her lap and she took it. It was warm and clammy, but non-the-less healthy. She smiled and got up.

"Good night you." She said softly as she kissed his forehead. He turned over into another seemingly twisted and uncomfortable position but slept on anyways despite contorting in ways that would make most men go "Ouch! I don't like laying like that." She walked to the front of the living room and to the front door and turned off the light.

Chapter 7

If Mike dreamed that night, then he didn't remember shit the next morning. All he knew was that he had gotten one of the best night's sleep he'd ever had. He reluctantly thanked Mr. Nagget for the cookie but knew that he couldn't make a habit of such a thing.

Mike got up and stretched. His clothes smelling of two days worth of sweat and dirt. He hated the idea of showering and changing into new clothes but the smell over powered his sensibilities. Not to mention the fact that the crotch of his pants stuck to his privates.

A shower or a wet cloth are proven methods in which to get rid of the terror ridden anomaly of crotch rot. But getting there was half the fun, or if you will, laziness combined with an irrational fear of getting wet.

He went to the guest room upstairs and got a blue and white towel from one of his suitcases. He was about to go into the bathroom to shower when he heard the water running from the other side of the door. He knocked a few times but there was no answer. So he opened the door and walked in. There was Zack standing all six foot three of himself and bare ass naked in the shower without the curtain drawn.

"Wish you had a dick like this huh?" He laughed as he grabbed his cock. "Fagot."

"What are you doing in my shower?" Mike asked, unable to maintain a completely straight face.

"Anna's mom and dad have been in the house's shower for hours now. I needed to clean off, unlike some people and or roommates I know, so I came here to do it."

"Why aren't you covering the shower? Water is getting everywhere." Mike said, averting his eyes from his friend's midsection.

Zack smiled and wet his short black spiky hair some more before putting a dab of shampoo on his right hand. He slid his long, boney fingers through his hair and rinsed it off. Zack turned off the water and grabbed the towel from from Mike's hand. Mike was angry about this but didn't want to anger Zack, seeing as the guy was twice his size and not a stranger to throwing punches for stupid reasons.

'Me man! Jane woman! Me fuck Jane! Football. Hrmm. Meat! Me man!' Mike thought sourly.

Zack dried off while Mike went back to his room to fetch another towel. When he got back in Zack had put on his boxers and was popping black heads on his nose in front of the mirror. Mike wanted him to leave because unlike Zack, he wasn't as blessed and wanted a little bit of privacy to sulk and cry in the shower for a few minutes.

"Can I have the bathroom now?" Mike asked gingerly and with little emotion.

"Why?" Zack turned around and smiled. "Afraid I'm going to make fun of you if I see you naked?"

Mike blushed. For the first time in a long while Zack's face stopped smiling and he looked serious. "Listen man. I'm not going to make fun of you. I'm in the minority. I'm not going to make fun of you."

"I still want to be alone." Mike said, looking away from Zack's skinny man six pack. Zack smiled and ruffled Mike's hair.

"You're a cool little fagot. Don't be embarrassed of who you are." Zack said as he passed Mike on the way to the door. If he had clothes somewhere else in the house, Mike didn't know about it. Mike closed the door and leaned against it. He punched the white wooden frame and immediately regretted doing it. It hurt like a motherfucker.

Images of Zack fucking Anna ran through his mind and he couldn't help but feel powerless against the thoughts. He was sure that if it wasn't Zack that she'd cheat on him with then it would be another guy with all the things that he didn't have. Mike undressed and stared at himself in the mirror. He was average compared to Zack but just shorter and a little thicker in the stomach area. Not that he was fat, he was just thicker than Zack, who was supernaturally skinny. Mike wondered why the guy could have such an amazingly chiseled body when he didn't even walk all that much, let alone work out. Life isn't fair, Mike concluded, and got into the shower.

The hot water lasted for about two minutes before going to cold. Zack had used most of it up while he was in there. Mike didn't mind though, he was already done a minute before that. He got out and toweled off the wetness. The mirror was steamed and he couldn't make his face out in it. He walked out of the room and toward his suitcase, where his underwear and clothes were.

As he bent over to retrieve said items, he noticed Zack sitting on his bed and staring at him. Mike felt super bashful and ashamed of his body. He grabbed his stuff and ran right back into the bathroom. Shutting and locking the door behind him.

"It's fine dude. I'm a man too. Not like you have something I haven't seen." Zack said dismissively as he got up and stretched.

"Why are you here?" Mike yelled from across the door.

Zack laughed. "Bored I guess. This place is totally not my style."

Mike came back out the door, this time fully clothed, and put the wet towel next to Zack's on the floor at the foot of the bed. Zack was still in his red and white hearts boxers. There was a little bit of print near the fly that said "Insert mouth here." Mike didn't think the sewing job was all that good but commended Zack on being creative.

"Where's your clothes?" Mike asked as he began to make his bed.

Zack stood up and walked to the door. He turned around and said "I left some in the living room. It's nearly nine in the morning now. Anna wants us to go to church with her mom and dad at ten."

"But it's a Tuesday?" Mike said as he looked up. He wasn't sure he had heard Zack right. Church on a Tuesday?

"They just said get ready." Zack said as he saluted Mike. Then he was gone.

Chapter 8

Back in Denver Colorado, Daniel Rochester was weighing out rocks of crack when he got the call. "This is Frosty." The tall, gangly man with a beard and long brown hair said into his cell phone. He had a naked black girl to the right of him taking a hit off of a crack pipe and another naked white girl on his left just sitting on his already made up bed. Danial was standing when he got the news.

"What do you mean you can't find him?" Daniel yelled, his hos not making an effort to seem like they care. "Zack is at the Auraria Campus Dormitory. I know because I've delivered to him there."

The black female walked over to where the scale was and took a small crack rock off of it where it was piled and placed it in her pipe. Daniel took no notice and just waved her away.

"Mother fucker owes me nearly five hundred dollars! And I'm going to get it from him too! Even if I have to do a little bit of investigating, I'll find the son of a bitch!"

He hit end on his cell phone and collapsed back onto the motel room bed. He changed places every two weeks or so to avoid suspicion from the authorities. He was running a crack dealing operation as well as operating as a pimp. The two girls he had made him more money than the crack but he figured that he'd continue to sell it if anything but to keep them supplied and happy.

"What's wrong honey boo boo shire?" The naked white girl said as she wrapped her hands around his neck, massaging it with just the right amount of pressure to get the prominent knots in his shoulders.

"Nothing to concern yourselves with sweet things." He said to both of them. The black woman took one last hit from the small glass pipe filled with Brillo padding and put it on the dresser next to the bed.

"You looking for Zack?" She asked, eyes wide and pulse racing. "He told me that he was going to go away for the winter break."

"Yeah, but where?" Daniel said as he rubbed his eyes, second guessing himself on not taking any of his product. For a drug dealer and a pimp he was an odd one, he didn't even drink. And when he did it was something mundane like red wine with dinner. He wrapped his arm around the black hooker and positioned his head on her right nipple, where he started to suck on it. She moaned with pleasure that was either faked or real. He didn't care.

He made love to the black one but finished on the white one's face. For her trouble he pulled out a twenty bag of crack from the even bigger bag which held them in his pocket. She wiped off her face and opened it up, taking a hit with a little bit of semen on her nose still. She didn't seem to mind though. The crack was excellent. Made your mouth and jaw very numb.

Daniel knew that the black girl, Shanice, had been servicing Zack for about a year now. She never talked about her tricks but she said that she was impressed with his love making skills and compared him to a black man. Daniel had corrected her that black men were statistically no bigger than white men. "Show me one then." was her response. He wasn't about to go into a discussion about dude's junk so he opted out. But now he needed to find Zack and get his money. Because if you let a trick get away then they'll all be thinking they can do that. That wasn't Daniel's style. He was in it for the money and hos.

From what Shanice had told him, she went over to a hotel where Zack had rented a room for the night and had brought some coke for them to enjoy, sort of like an incentive, for him to want to return again. They did the coke and fucked. But that night he was especially horny and fucked her every which way till Sunday. Everywhere at that. Even her ear wasn't safe from the guy's penis. But he forgot that every time he let loose a white shot of sperm on her breasts, she was silently keeping tabs on how much he owed her and Daniel. What Zack didn't know, because he was used to just fucking her and leaving, was that most hookers charged by the nut. Even when he was shooting dry dust into her pussy she was tacking on an additional hundred dollars. He had paid her three hundred for two fucks and some cocaine rocks but appeared to have been lost in space and time before he wound up finishing, quite disappointingly, on her face. He had wasted all of his big loads for her vagina and now could only rub some on her face when he finished jacking off over her. They did some more coke and she was ready to collect when he put his clothes back on.

"That will be an extra five hundred dollars." She had told him, putting on her panties, not bothering to douche or even pee. She was fine with soggy underwear, it came with the territory. But instead of Zack giving her the money he just went over to the night stand and took the rest of the coke that was left in the Zip Lock bag and put it in his front pocket.

"Make me." Was his only response. Shanice was so angry that she dug through her purse and pulled out a can of mace. She speed walked up to where Zack was admiring himself in the bathroom mirror and put it right in front of his line of vision.

"I'll use it!" She had threatened.

Zack just laughed. She was only five foot one and he was towering over her by a good foot or so. He just grabbed the container from her weak hands and emptied the contents of the can into the toilet next to the sink. Shanice was furious but she wasn't about to fight with him. She got beaten up enough as it was. Not that she was sure Zack would ever do a thing like that. But she didn't want to take any chances.

"I'm telling Frosty!" She said menacingly. Zack just shrugged and walked to the door.

"Thanks for letting me nut in your cooch." He said playfully as he opened the door. That night he got a call from the pimp slash drug dealer and he threatened Zack's life by saying that he would shoot the man dead with a gun. Zack wasn't sure whether or not he was bluffing but the next day he saw on the news that a man had been shot near where Daniel set up shop. Apparently had a lot of coke in his pocket and had just came from a motel. The whole thing scared the shit out of him and it was that day that he had asked to come along with Mike and Anna.

Daniel HAD been serious too, but he didn't kill that man. It was just a coincidence that he had died of the same MO that he would of inflicted on Zack. Daniel put on his boots and headed for the door.

"Where are you going?" The white one asked, blowing out a long trail of crack smoke from her nostrils.

"To get my money." Was Daniel's reply. He shut the door and headed for his car down on the first floor of the Motel. It was an outdoor style place with two floors. It was a huge lot so it was pretty hard for his customers to stand out to the neighbors. But he never did like selling where he slept. But sometimes addicts just wanted to take things in their own hands and meet him there.

He got into his car and settled his rear view mirror to accommodate where he was looking. He was only five ten but he had been working out since he was a little kid and was pretty damn buff. He could bench two hundred while he himself only weight one sixty maybe. This made him smile.

"I'm coming for you Zack." He said as he pulled out of the parking lot and into Colfax Avenue.

Chapter 9

Mike and Zack didn't brought anything close that could be deemed "church" appropriate. So Anna looked to her father to remedy the situation. His dress clothes fit Zack perfectly, albeit a good deal loose on his lanky body but the proportions were right. But Mr. Shoemaker's clothes was really loose and baggy on Mike. Henry made a comment about how Mike wasn't a real man because real men were bigger than that. Mike just kept silent as the man berated him while trying on dress shirts. The one saving grace that Mr. Shoemaker and Mike had in common was their shoe size. They both wore elevens so Henry reluctantly lent him a pair of nice Italian penny loafers. Mike wasn't sure if that was the right thing to wear, but they looked nice.

Zack wound up wearing his old Van's because he wore size thirteen and despite how proudly Henry seemed to compare the two men, he had no shoes in that size. But it was all OK because apparently Zack was fine looking as it was. Yet another thing that Mike got mildly jealous over.

Anna helped Mike pick out the rest of the outfit and straightened his collar. "You look great." She said with much love in her voice. All Mike could do was smile. Zack was also straightening out his collar and putting on a black tie. For once he seemed to look introspective as he did a double Windsor. Mike had never seen that look on Zack's face before and wanted to ask what it was that had made such a somber face on him, but Anna was there. Zack wasn't one to talk about feelings, especially when it was around a girl. He was all man when a lady was present but when he was just with Mike, he was as vulnerable as anyone else with a pulse.

Zack looked over to where Mike and Anna were for about two seconds before silently slinking out of the room. The room was specifically used to store clothing items and donned wall size mirrors on every side. Anna finally finished fidgeting with Mike's collar when Henry stepped in.

"You guys ready for church?" Henry said, excited by the prospect.

"Actually I'm an atheist." Mike said to no one in particular. Anna put her hand over her mouth, stifling a laugh. Henry's face turned red.

"Are you saying that you reject God?" Henry said in an accusing tone.

Mike gulped and could feel the start of a good sweat. "It's not that. You can't reject what you don't believe."

"Surely you must have morals!" Henry burst out. Mike closed his eyes and collapsed to his knees. He put his hands over his ears and started to rock back and forth.

"What the fuck is this?" Henry asked, bewildered.

Anna gave him a stern, hateful look and fell to her knees to be at eye level with Mike.

"It's OK." She assured him. "He doesn't mean to be loud."

"The hell I don't!" Henry shouted.

"DAD!" Anna yelled back. This took Henry for a moment and he stepped back and left the room. She cradled Mike in her arms and shushed him as he sobbed. Once he let go of his ears he wrapped himself around Anna. She held him and they rocked back and forth.

"I can't do this." Mike said, his tears now drying up.

"Yes you can." Anna assured him. She ran her fingers through his hair and kissed him on the cheek.

Mike collected himself enough to get back onto his two feet. He looked in the mirror and saw a sad little man with an ill fitting dress suit on. He sighed and shook his head.

"Why do you go out with me?" He asked without looking her way.

She took a second to answer. "Why does anyone go out with anyone?"

"I mean..." Mike started. "You could have anyone. You could have a big smart jocky guy with a house and fifteen sports cars." He suppressed a sniffle. "Yet you chose me. Why?"

"I've had those kinds of guys. And they didn't appreciate me nearly as much as you do." She walked up to him and gave him a quick hug. "You are a nice, handsome guy. I just wish you could see that."

Mike nodded in agreement. "I don't have anymore Ativan." He confessed.

"I'll call your doctor today and get you a refill. We can pick it up at The Druggist later."

Mike nodded again and walked out of the room with Anna at his side.

Mary looked fabulous in her long, flowing paisley print dress. It was the sort of dress that you'd expect an older lady to wear to church, not some young looking blond haired lady in her fifties. Anna was proud. Her family was very handsome. She wondered whether or not if she had a brother if he would be as good looking as they all did. Mike was good looking and she hated to admit it but Zack wasn't so bad himself. In that bad boy punk rocker way of course.

Zack walked down the stairs before Anna and Mike did and they all met up at her car. Mike rolled his shoulders and flapped his hands a little before getting into the back seat. Anna didn't protest because technically, Zack did call shotgun first.

The tall, gangly old butler drove an old Rolls Royce out of the large garage attached to the side of the mansion and parked up at the entrance. Anna's small car was a small, ugly contraption of questionable value next to the expensive town car. If it got to her she didn't let it be noticeable. She just grabbed Mike's hand and led him to the side of the house where she parked under a large awning. The remote in her hand unlocked the doors and she got in first. Then Zack got in the front passenger side door and Mike sat directly behind him. Zack was uncomfortable with the seat so he adjusted it to his size, making it very tight for Mike in the back.

"You okay back there buddy?" Zack asked with what seemed like genuine concern.

Mike was so taken aback by the question that he just shook his head and said "I'm fine."

Zack smiled and Anna followed suit. Mike's face remained rock solid as they pulled out. It appeared that Henry and Mary hadn't even gotten out of the house yet and the Royce was still idling at the front steps.

They waited for a few minutes before Anna put the car in drive and pulled out of the drive way. To Mike's right he saw two short Hispanic men standing near the back of the house in the middle of the sprinkler system.

"Look at that!" Mike said, taking his eyes off of them momentarily.

"Look at what?" Zack asked with sincerety. Anna stopped the car and looked back too.

"I don't see anything." She told him. Mike looked back to where he had set his eyes upon earlier that minute and the two guys were gone.

"Never mind..." Mike said softly as Anna put the car back into gear and left the mansion grounds.

The town seemed as every bit as dead as it was the previous day after four. Mike had to wonder if everyone dropped everything, on a Tuesday non-the-less, to go to church. He could still feel Henry's accusations searing into his frontal lobes. It wasn't that he hated God for some practical reason or anything like that, he just didn't see how the concept was possible. To him, science could and would figure everything out, at least in due time. The idea made Mike smile.

The church was a large cathedral looking building with bell towers on all four sides of the grounds. The parking was horrendous and everything was reserved for everyone else in town but the traveling visitors. They wound up parking at the outskirt of the place just a little over an eighth of a mile away. It was that huge.

Mike was the first to get out. He straightened his jacket and took out his phone. He was looking at the time but also noticed that he had absolutely no bars in this hick shit town. It was nearly ten o'clock and from what Mary had said, it started at ten. So they had but a few minutes to make it if they wanted to be in time for the event. Anna and Zack didn't seem too concerned with it though and they got out and started walking at a leisurely pace along the sidewalk of the church. Mike reached out and held hands with Anna. Anna looked at him and smiled and tightened her grip. This made Mike smile too.

Zack kept his left hand in his pants pocket and the right was texting with his cell phone. He laughed and looked around as if there were to be something of interest popping out at any moment.

"Mary is here." Zack said, licking his lips.

"Which one?" Mike asked, honestly not knowing the answer.

"Lin." Was Zack's only response before he went back to his phone.

Anna sighed. "The entire town shows up for church."

"Even Nagget?" Mike asked.

"I doubt it." Zack said, not looking up from his phone. Anna nodded her head in agreement and they walked up to the front of the church where everyone seemed to be congregating. A tall blond man in his mid twenties was wearing a priest's outfit and shaking hands with everyone who walked by, making sure to give them a pamphlet as they did.

When Anna got up to him he smiled and gave her a big hug. "Anna!" He said as if they were old friends. She hugged back and then let go and stepped back a few steps.

"Hi Ronny." She said, blushing. "This is my boyfriend Mike and his roommate Zack." She said as she motioned toward the two men by her side. Mike gave a small salute but Zack said and did nothing in return. He just kept on texting. Ronny didn't seem to notice or care though.

"Haven't seen you since you left for College." Ronny said with a hint of sadness in his voice.

"My name is Mike." Mike said, butting in even though he'd already been introduced. Ronny took no notice of him and kept talking.

"So how's the nursing thing going for ya?" Ronny said nicely.

Anna smiled. "It's great! I'm a senior now. At least I think so. I am not sure how many credits I have, it's a good amount though."

Ronny's face drooped with sadness all of a sudden. "You would have been a great wife and mother. You know that right?"

Mike could see that she was blushing and immediately wanted to know what the man was talking about.

"You two know each other in the biblical sense?" Mike asked.

Ronny laughed. "I've been training to be a priest since I was your height." He said indifferently. "I would never break my vows and have relations before marriage."

"I would." Zack laughed as he continued to text Mary Lin. They all stood silent for the longest time before another couple came by. Ronny mindlessly gave them a pamphlet and averted his gaze back to Anna.

"I've missed you." Ronny said seriously. He hugged her and gave each of them a pamphlet. Mike didn't think anything of it until he walked into the main hall and took a look at it.

"Homosexuality and the spread of AIDS." The pamphlet said. Mike was taken aback by it's out front way of dealing with the topic. It had no science to back up it's claim but instead quoted Leviticus. Mike remembered that Leviticus also said that you couldn't eat shell fish or wear a cotton blend. Also there was a bit in there about how you couldn't shave your beard, Mike thought as he remembered Ronny's smooth cheeks. Were they really going to sit and listen to a hate speech?

Anna took Mike by the arm and he let himself be led to the front of the pews where they sat directly facing where the preacher would be. Mike rolled his shoulders and flapped his hands so hard that the pamphlet fell to the floor. Embarrassed, Mike picked it up and started reading through it.

It stated that American family values were at stake and that the homosexuals were out to give the straight God fearing world AIDS. Mike scoffed, everyone knew you got HIV first, then AIDS.

He put it aside and decided to tune out for the rest of the proceedings. He was almost in a trance when the young Ronny stepped up to the podium and greeted everybody.

"He's the preacher?" Mike asked Anna, who was right beside him. Mary shushed him from Anna's right side and Mike took it to keep quiet. Anna squeezed his hand and Mike shut his eyes.

"Ladies and gentlemen." Ronny began. "We as a nation are under attack." Mike's eyes began to water with rage. "We live our lives as Godly as we can but we have an elephant in the room here. And that elephant is homosexuality."

"Amen!" Zack shouted from behind Mike. Mike turned around and tried to slap him on the face but Zack interceded and grabbed his hand. Zack smiled and let it go, Mike slinking back into the pew as if he were falling into a hole in the seat. The preacher went on and on about how the scourge of homosexuals were aiming for the hearts of good Americans but offered no reason as to why and how they were going to undermine classical family values.

If Anna was equally as disgusted, she didn't show it. Her hallow eyes betrayed nothing of what she was feeling at the moment. Mike hated that because he couldn't read faces and desperately wanted to know where she stood on the subject. Surely she wasn't biting into this was she? All three of them had homosexual friends at school so it couldn't be the case, could it?

After about thirty minutes of nonstop hatred Mike decided to get up and walk out. No one seemed to pay attention and Anna didn't make a move to follow him. He was apparently alone in this. Which was too bad, seeing as it felt like the right thing to do in such a situation.

Mike went outside the front door and took out his pack of Pall Mall cigarettes. He lit one and walked over to the side of the building, trying to look through the stained glass windows. There was a clicking noise coming from somewhere near the back. Mike took another drag and followed the noise. When he reached the back side of the massive church building he found a small boy sitting with an equally small girl and they seemed to be talking to each other, only with metalic clicks of their mouths. Mike walked up to them.

"Hi." He said awkwardly to the two little children. They looked up, surprised to find that they had a visitor in their midst. The little boy's face was flushed with blush, as if he had just been caught masturbating. The little girl, in her pink polka dot Sunday dress and fiery red hair, looked angry, like she was going to strike at any moment and attack his manly bits. Mike felt as if he had walked in on some very important get together and he was persona non grata.

The little boy swallowed and said "We're just playing."

Mike looked at his hand and saw that he had the tip of a long, green hose. It was dripping and Mike could see that in the boy's other hand was the rest of the hose held into a crease, as such that no water could spring out and wet anyone. There was an unease tension that permeated from the two children and Mike had to roll his shoulders and flap his hands to regain normalcy.

"Why did you do that?" The young girl asked.

"I honestly don't know." Mike answered, feeling his stomach churn and boil. "It's just a tic I suppose."

"What's a tic?" The boy asked.

Mike shook his head and tried to find the right words. "It's like something you do without meaning to do it. Like when I do this..." He shook his right hand violently and squinted his eyes. "That's like a tic. Only I did it on purpose."

"You're weird." The boy conceded.

"Yeah... I know." Mike agreed. The two children sneered at Mike and he turned around and walked back to the middle part of the lawn beside the church where he had originally been. When he got back to his previous standing place the clicks started up again. Mike sneaked up near the edge of where the kids were and snuck a peek at their ongoing activity. The little boy had the entire hose nozzle in his mouth and bits of water escaped the sides of his lips. The girl made clicking sounds, which didn't seem to come from her throat seeing as her mouth and neck did not move while making them. The little girl took the hose from the little boy and the water seemed to be flowing at full force. She then stuffed it in her mouth and engulfed the oncoming H2O. The little boy fought with her over it but she kept pushing him back. When Mike finally decided to confront them the little boy walked over to the spigot and turned the water off. The little girl was furious. It was then they saw Mike again and they both froze where they stood.

"Why are you spying on us?" The little boy asked, menace covering his innocent face.

Mike swallowed and tried to think of something to come back with. "How are you guys doing those clicks?"

"Jared, Mary, where are you?" A woman's voice came from behind Mike. He turned around to see a tall red headed woman in a nice green pantsuit with a matching dark green blouse. She looked worried and walked passed him like Mike wasn't even there. She scooped up the little girl and the boy took hold of her small free hand.

"Thank you for finding them." The lady said as she smiled at Mike. The little girl in her arms was immediately asleep and the little boy leered at Mike as if he were about to strike. She led them away from where Mike stood and walked around the corner and presumably back into the church. Mike walked over to the spigot and followed the hose over to where the end was laying next to the faux wood vinyl siding of the church. He picked it up and saw what looked like a red gel on the nozzle. Had one of the kids cut their mouth drinking from it?

Mike stared at the anomaly and within a few seconds the red goo started to fizzle and smoke. Mike dropped the nozzle to the ground and went to the spigot and turned it on so that water would come out the other end. The red goo ate through some of the metal at the tip but seemed to be contained once the water hit it. Mike couldn't for the life of him understand what had just happened. He smoked the rest of his cigarette in a few mad puffs and took the butt of his cigarette and wiped some of the red stuff onto the filter. He then took out his pack and emptied the contents, three cigarettes, into his hand and put the wasted butt into the package. The three cigarettes went into his coat pocket and he put the cigarette package into his pants pocket. Forever the little professor, he wanted to see if he could have the goop tested. But by who and where would he find such a specialist?

The church bell rung and he could hear people inside rustling about and getting out of their seats. Much chatter was heard outside the building coming from the inside. Mike couldn't make out anything through the cacophony of voices so he just gave up trying to decipher them.

Anna, in her virginal white Sunday dress, walked around the side of the church and went up to Mike, finding him immediately as if she had telepathy, where she lay a kiss on his cheek. Mike smiled and held out his hands and caught hold of her head and returned the favor. He was about to give her some tongue when he heard that familiar voice boom from behind him.

"What are you doing to my daughter?" Henry asked with white hot hatred in his voice. Anna looked down at her dress shoes and Mike wiped his lips off with the sport coat sleeve.

"Nothing." was Mike's quick response. Anna smiled and hugged Henry, which seemed to calm him down a little. Zack came up from behind him and lay his hand on Henry's shoulder.

"Too bad there's no man you can trust around such an amazing piece of genetics." Zack said, patronizing Mike with a wink of his potting soil colored eye.

Henry laughed. "Why couldn't you have picked a real man like this one here?"

Mike blushed and Anna retorted. "Because I like not having small pox or whatever it is you get from sleeping with him." Zack just smiled and patted Henry on the back. Henry was not amused and went from the small group in search of Mary, his wife.

"Anna," Mike began, looking into Anna's soft green eyes. "Have you noticed anything weird around here?"

Anna shrugged. "Like what?"

"I don't know..." Mike said, searching for the best way to say this in his mind. "I just mean that I've seen three people standing in the way of the lawn sprinklers before and I just heard two little kids talking in clicks."

"Clicks?" Zack questioned.

"Yeah." Mike affirmed. "Clicks. Like this." Mike attempted to re-create the sounds he had heard but they didn't come out exactly like he had heard them before.

"Mike. I think you just need to take a chill pill." Zack said without any sort of the usual malice in his voice. It was almost a worried kind of statement.

"Do you still have any Ativan?" Anna asked as she took Mike's hands into her own.

Mike rolled his shoulders. "Not anymore."

Anna got out her smart phone and began to look up Mike's psychiatrist's office. It was programmed into her phone and she found it immediately.

"I'm going to call George's office and have them refill it for you like I said I'd do earlier."

"Okay." Mike said in response. "You get bars here?" He asked.

Anna smiled and nodded. Mike let of her free hand and sat down on the grass cross legged. Zack towered over him and would have continued to do so but something in him felt like he was intimidating Mike with his stature so he sat down with him. Mike held onto his chest and started to rock back and forth. "I know what I saw though."

"And heard." Zack said, also sitting cross legged on the grass beside the large white church building. Zack played with his many earrings, then smiled, but it was not returned by Mike. He held out his hand and Mike, without thinking, took it and Zack pulled him in close for a hug. Mike hated touching people that weren't Anna but this just felt right. He could feel the knots in his back release with a bit of nausea overcoming him. Zack held him for the longest time before letting go.

"Feeling better?" Zack asked, patting Mike on the back. Mike just nodded and continued to stare into his hands. Zack placed his hand over Mike's and they compared the size difference.

"I hate being small." Mike confided with Zack. Zack took his hand back and hugged Mike again.

"Sometimes being big isn't all that it's cracked up to be." Zack said softly. "Everyone wants you to reach things for them."

"Yeah, but chicks dig it." Mike said ruefully.

Zack smiled. "Yeah. Chicks love a man who can beat up their ex."

Mike laughed. "You weigh what? One forty?"

Zack rolled up his sleeve and exhibited the tiny muscle on his thin, bony arm. "It's not how much you weigh," he said matter of factly. "It's all about how hard you can hit a motherfucker."

Anna hit end on her phone and leaned down to eye level with Mike. "They said that the Druggist should get it and have it ready in a few hours."

"I see..." Mike said, not knowing what else to say.

Zack patted Mike on the back again and got up. "Come on short stuff." He said. "Let's go get some after church drinks." He smiled and looked over to where Anna was. "Any good bars in this town?"

Anna smiled in return. "A few. Not many people in this town drink I don't think. There was a little prohibition thing when I was growing up but they decided against it later on."

"I bet it was church related." Mike mumbled. Anna reached down for Mike's hand and brought him to his feet. They kissed each other and Zack seemed like he was disappointed in seeing them two touch lips.

Zack reached into his pocket and took out his phone, along with a pack of cigarettes. He took one from the pack and lit it. Then he pressed a few buttons and was immediately connected to Mary Lin.

"Hey you!" Zack said with a laugh before the other line had a chance to say hello. A female voice came from the other end, making him smile widely.

Mike nodded at Anna, signaling them to let Zack talk to his girl and they walked to the front to the church entrance. Ronny was shaking hands and talking to his flock when they walked by.

"Hey Mike!" Ronny said sweetly. "Why did you leave the sermon?"

Mike thought of a million reasons why he had left the sermon. "Do you really have to ask?" He said, dumbfounded by the question.

Ronny's face contorted into a mass of confusion. "I don't understand."

Before Mike could answer Anna stomped on his foot and kissed him. She looked away and then towards Ronny and said "He's just not very religious."

Mike took offense. "No, it's not that. Why are you ragging on homosexuals?" He asked.

Anna was clearly getting embarrassed. "Please Mike, don't."

Ronny shook his head in disbelief. "Are you homosexual?" He asked in all seriousness.

Mike couldn't believe what he was hearing. "Been fucking men since two thousand and two." he lied.

Ronny smiled. "I highly doubt that. No man would choose to ruin his life when he had such a devastating beauty by his side." He reached out and ran his fingers through Anna's long brown hair. Mike was about to punch the dude but caught himself before he did something stupid. He just reached out and took Ronny's hand and maneuvered it back to his side.

"Please don't touch her." Mike said, surprised by his anger.

Ronny laughed. "Sorry."

Anna took a step back. Mike looked down at Henry's size eleven dress shoes that were on his feet and sighed. Ronny swallowed and smiled again.

"I hope you enjoyed the sermon Anna." He said, shaking the hands of a random passerby leaving the double doors out front where they stood.

Anna just shrugged. "You've definitely gotten more passionate about the your work since I last saw you." She didn't smile but had a serious look on her face. "But in Mike's defense, are you seriously against homosexuals?"

Ronny seemed taken back by the question, as if it were obvious. "The Bible, Leviticus says that a man who lays with another man should be put to death." He said matter of factly.

Mike scoffed at this and returned the preposterous statement with an equally preposterous one. "The bible also has a story about a guy boning his daughters."

Ronny smiled and shook his head. "That thing was written so long ago. Who knows what the proper interpretation is."

Mike nodded. "So why do you hold Leviticus so dear?"

Ronny sighed. "Because it's in the Bible. The word of God."

"Written by homophobic, sexist, bigoted men." Mike added. "Technically you should be put to death for wearing a cotton blend." He said, motioning to Ronny's suit.

Ronny laughed. "It's all cotton."

"What about you shaving your beard?"

"I don't have a beard." Ronny said, self consciously feeling his face for stubble.

"Exactly." Mike stated sarcastically. For someone who devoted his life to God, Ronny didn't seem to know anything about the Bible. Typical Christian, Mike thought.

Ronny changed the subject. "Will we be seeing you guys for tonight's service?"

"You have service on Tuesday nights?" Zack said as he re-joined the group. As he put his phone away into his suit jacket, he pulled out another cigarette and lit it. Ronny's face filled with disgust and waved the smoke away from his face with his hands. Mike felt instantly vindicated.

"We have service morning and night every day." Ronny said between a fit of coughs.

"Why didn't we go last night?" Mike wondered aloud.

"Because you guys weren't around when we left." Henry said from behind them. Mary Shoemaker was by his side, smiling like the barefoot and pregnant woman she was. Anna slipped from Mike's grasp to hug her.

"Now why are you pestering our poor priest?" Henry chided Mike.

"Because he shaves..." Mike said in a small voice as he walked away from the group. Anna stayed with them but Zack followed.

"What's up man?" Zack asked as he caught up with Mike.

"Something is weird with this town." Mike said to no one in particular.

"I'll say!" Zack laughed. "Mary Lin was here this morning but we didn't see each other. I was hoping for some fuck." He took a puff from his cigarette. "There's got to be over a three hundred people here today! This place is fucking huge!"

Mike rolled his shoulders and flapped his hands. Zack caught on of his hands as it vibrated violently and stopped him. "Stop that."

Mike felt self conscious and took his hand back. "I can't help it."

"Sure you can." Zack said as he inhaled some more tobacco smoke.

"Whatever." Mike dismissed him and continued walking toward the edge of the building where what looked like the start of a massive forest of pine trees lay ahead of him. Zack was by his side when they walked into it. They passed a few trees before Zack put his hands on Mike's shoulders and rotated Mike to face him.

"Are you sure you're okay?" Zack asked with great concern. Mike shrugged him off.

"Yeah. Just... I need a chill pill." Mike agreed.

"Yes you do." Zack smiled and ruffled Mike's hair.

Chapter 10

By the time the church had emptied out it was time for lunch. Zack had found Mary Lin in the middle of the crowd via text messaging and brought her along to the diner down by the edge of town. The group consisted of them two as well as Anna and Mike. It, from the outside looks, was an old throwback fifties diner. They had car side service with skimpy young waitresses on skates delivering hot food to the lazy people. It reminded Mike of Sonics. There were a few in Denver but they didn't have the fancy mock Big Boy out front like this place did. It wasn't a real Big Boy because the twenty foot statue had blond hair and blue eyes. Perfect for the Aryan minded masses in this town, Mike thought.

They had walked there, which hadn't been a long trek, but it was about a mile from the house. They had gotten their work out for the day.

As they entered a large white woman with a name tag that simply said "Mary" greeted them.

"Thanks for coming to Joe's." She said, chewing gum at the same time. "Let me get you guys a seat now." She led them down the aisle of booths into one in the corner of the restaurant. Zack and Mary Lin sat together and Anna and Mike took the adjacent seat.

"Is there anything I can get you to drink?" Mary the waitress asked.

"I'll just have water." Mary Lin said with a smile.

Zack reached out his long arm and wrapped it around Mary Lin's neck. "That's my girl! Don't want a soda. I don't like fat chicks." He said, oblivious to the size of their server. If she minded, she didn't show it. She just kept on smiling and wrote down the drink order from Mary Lin.

Mike kicked Zack's shin from below the counter and Zack let out a groan of discomfort before returning the favor, hurting Mike more than he had hurt Zack.

"I'll have a diet soda." Mike said sheepishly.

"Diet Coke fine with you?" The waitress asked.

"Yeah."

"Alrighty then. What can I get you sweet thing?" Mary asked, looking Zack in the eyes.

Zack smiled. "I'll have a real Coke please." He said as he winked at the waitress. Mary giggled and wrote it down. Mary Lin must have felt threatened by the large woman because she then put her arms around Zack as if she were protecting him.

"I'll also have a Coke." Anna said. Mary nodded her head and wrote it down on her little note pad.

"Alrighty then!" Mary exclaimed and left the foursome to their own devices at the table.

Mary Lin put her hand on Zack's and his big palm enveloped hers. He leaned in to kiss her and she moved forward as if to make less space between them as he did so. Zack then reached down her pants and started fidgeting with her private area.

"Zack!" Anna scolded him in a hushed tone of voice. Zack just looked at her and stuck out his tongue, then continued to play with Mary Lin's orifice.

Mike leaned closer to Anna and kissed her on the cheek. "Can I touch you like that?" He cooed.

Anna giggled. "Not in public." She chided him. Mary Lin began to moan as Zack continued his hand play with her pubic region. He then leaned downward to kiss Mary Lin on the neck and wound up keeping his mouth on it for a period of time before disengaging her with a loud pluck of suction. Where Zack's mouth had been on Mary Lin's neck was now a red, fresh bruise.

"You gave her a hickey." Mike said, stating the obvious.

Mary Lin's eyes grew wide with panic. "What will I tell my father!?" She almost yelled. She got up and motioned for Zack to get out of his seat so she could go to the bathroom. She got up and headed down the diner's front part and headed directly to the woman's room. Zack followed her and when he got to the door he knocked on it a few times. After a moment of silence the door opened and he walked inside.

Anna followed them with her eyes but returned them to where Mike sat. She sighed and put her head on his shoulder.

"Are you okay?" Mike asked as he gently caressed her head.

"Yeah." She said. "It's just that I don't think that you're enjoying yourself all that much."

Mike kissed her on the forehead and held her in his arms. "I'm fine. I'm just happy to be included." He said. Mary, the waitress, returned to the table with their drinks and expertly laid them out in front of the two young adults. She smiled and looked around, as if hoping to find a better table than the one she was at. She returned her gaze and took out her note pad from the pink uniform pocket on her breast.

"Do you guys know what you want yet?" She asked sweetly. It was then that Mike noticed that Mary hadn't given them any menus.

"Could we have some menus actually?" Mike asked, afraid of coming off like a jerk.

Mary looked the table over and smacked her hand on her forehead. "Do'h!" she said, laughing. "Let me go get you guys some. Drinks are on me this afternoon!" She said as she left the two to their lonesome. Mike smiled and kissed Anna. Anna then put her arms around Mike's neck and gave him the tongue he'd been missing at the church grounds before her father had interrupted.

Mike heard a door close from near the front and saw Zack coming back to the table. He was zipping up the fly on his black dress pants and smiling from ear to gawky ear.

When he sat down he let out a sigh of accomplishment and took a menu from the middle of the table and opened it up in front of him. Mike and Anna were dumbstruck at what had just transpired in the diner's bathroom. Or at least what they thought had happened.

"Um... Zack?" Mike said with uncertainty. "Was she so hot that you came on her face?"

Zack put the menu down and took a sip from his Coke-a-Cola. "Nope." He said with defiant cheer. "I came in her pussy this time."

"Aren't you afraid of getting someone pregnant one of these days?" Anna asked incredulously.

Zack leaned back in his seat and put his hands in back of his head. "If anything had happened, we'll be long from here in a week anyways."

Anna was offended. "You mean you'd just walk away from being a father if you got a girl pregnant?"

Zack laughed. "I'd pay for the fucking abortion."

"There isn't a planned parenthood in this town anymore." Mike said. "Remember what Nagget said?"

"I doubt any of my little men are that great of swimmers." Zack said as he picked the menu back up and perused it. "Besides, I use too much cocaine to have an effective reproduction system."

"You never know..." Mike said, attempting to sound like somebody with authority. It just fell flat and Zack just laughed him off. Mary Lin came back to the table with a wide grin on her face. Instead of giving her the seat she had had before, Zack just scooted over and rotated the drinks so that she had her water. Her hair had been tussled and there was now another hickey on the other side of her neck. Whatever qualms she had before were apparently not a problem anymore. Mike was confused but decided against mentioning it.

Anna cleared her throat. "So, Mary Lin. Have you lived here long?"

Mary smiled and looked over at Zack longingly, who was still looking at the menu. "About ten years. It will be eleven next month."

"How old are you?" Mike asked as he took his drink from the table and sipped it.

"Twenty four." Mary Lin said as she took a long drink of water.

"What a coincidence!" Zack laughed, eyes still trained on the words that he was reading on the menu. "I'm the same age."

Mary Lin giggled and before she could open her mouth again, the waitress Mary came back over to their booth and took out her little notepad.

"Ready guys?" She said with a smile.

Mike took another look at the menu then handed it to her. "I'll have two blueberry pancakes. Could you bring some extra blueberries on the side, please?"

Mary nodded as she wrote it down and took Mike's menu from him. Anna was still looking and felt a bit rushed but she knew that they'd already been sitting for over ten minutes. Time to shit or get off the pot she supposed.

"I'll have a hamburger with fries." Anna said sweetly as she handed her menu to Mary. Mary wrote it down and looked over to where Zack was sitting.

Mary Lin spoke first before Zack could. "I'll also have the burger with fries."

Zack waved his massive hand in the air. "No, no, no." He said, handing his menu to Mary the waitress. "She'll have the garden salad with fat free Italian dressing."

Mary Lin smiled. "I'll have the garden salad with fat free Italian dressing."

Mary the waitress nodded and continued to smile despite the chauvinistic scene that had just transpired.

"Zack!" Anna scolded.

Zack just shrugged. "I don't want my girl to get a fat ass like this cow here." He said, waving at Mary the waitress. Mary the waitress just laughed.

"Maybe I could use to lose a few extra pounds." Mary the waitress confessed. Mike and Anna were taken aback by her willingness to agree.

"Yeah you could." Zack said, almost with a sneer showing through his voice. "How is your cooch? Is there still tread on the tires or is it like throwing a hot dog down the hallway at this point?"

Mary, for whatever God forsaken reason, just laughed it off. "What will you be having my friend?"

Zack rubbed his chin in mock thoughtfulness and said "I'll have the burger and fries."

Mary wrote this down and asked "Anyone want cheese on their hamburger?"

"That would make it a cheeseburger." Zack said patronizingly.

"Of course." Mary apologize and left them.

Anna's face was red with anger. "Zack. You should really go over there and apologize to that woman."

"For what?" Zack asked.

"For the mean things you just said to her!" Mike almost yelled.

"Fine." Zack motioned for Mary Lin to scoot out of her seat and he got up and left the table. Mike's eyes followed Zack from there to the front of the restaurant. Zack looked over the counter and then walked around and into the kitchen door.

"He's such a great man." Mary Lin said with pride as she reached for her water glass. She took a sip and about two minutes later they heard Zack moan from behind the kitchen door.

"I wonder what he's doing?" Mary Lin said as if it were a throw away question.

Mike and Anna kept their mouths shut and about four minutes later Zack came out of the kitchen with a large shit eating smile on his face and he was, again, zipping up his fly. Mike couldn't believe his eyes, and apparently neither could Anna. Mary Lin seemed oblivious to it all and just scooted over making room for Zack to sit. Zack sat down and took a long drink from his Coke.

He looked at the horrified faces before him. "What?" Zack said, offended by the stares. "Fat chicks need love too!" He laughed as he put his arm around Mary Lin, who didn't seem to have heard his remark.

Mike knew that Zack was good with women but this was ridiculous. He couldn't have possibly have done what he thought Zack had just done. Couldn't he? If so then this was a town with very loose morals, despite the hatred of homosexuals the townspeople seemed to harbor.

Anna kicked Zack from under the table. "What!?" Zack exclaimed. "It was just a blow job. Fat bitch looked hungry." He kissed an oblivious Mary Lin on the forehead.

Mike just steamed over what he had heard and when Mary the waitress came to their table with their food he couldn't look her in the eye. Mary seemed to either not care about what anyone was thinking there or just really didn't even know that they knew.

She lay the plates before them at their designated stomach and smiled at Zack. Zack looked up at her and put two fingers between his lips and stuck out his tongue.

"Oh stop that!" Mary Lin giggled and lightly slapped Zack on the side of his head. He stopped and smiled at her and gave her a big mouth to mouth kiss in front of the woman who had just had nine inches of Zack in her mouth. Mary the waitress winked and left them to eat their food. Before she left she tore a piece of paper from her notepad and left it on the table by the food. When she left Mike took it, assuming it was a bill but instead it read "It's on me hun, call me sometime!" and had the woman's phone number by her signature.

Mike swallowed back some of the bile coming up from his throat and gave the note to Zack, who took time out from giving Mary Lin mouth to mouth and looked it over.

"Fat bitches love the cock." He said as he folded the paper up and put it in his suit coat pocket.

Anna bit into her burger and moaned with pleasure. "It's so good!" She said to no one in particular. Mike poured the blueberry sauce over his pancakes and evenly distributed it over the two flour and butter concoctions.

Zack took the top bun off of his burger to inspect it. He took off a pickle amidst the ketchup and mustard and put it on his plate before taking a large bite out of it.

Mary Lin poured the fat free Italian dressing over her salad and picked up her fork. She looked the plate over for a second before putting the fork back down. "I'm not hungry." She confessed. Zack patted her on the back.

"Just as well. You don't want to get a pudge now do you?" Zack said with a mouthful of grilled cow flesh. Anna kicked him again and in response Zack kicked Mike, thinking it was him who had initiated the attack.

"What!?" Mike yelled in pain.

"Next time you lip me I'm going to put these size thirteens up your narrow ass!" Zack said loudly.

"It was me dip dick." Anna retorted. Zack looked at her and gave her the evil eye before going back into his burger. Mike smiled but this solicited another hard kick from Zack. He cried out a little but he didn't make it into the big deal it could have been.

"At least we got a free meal." Mike said sadly.

"What do you mean?" Anna asked.

"Zack here got us a free meal."

"God bless my penis!" Zack laughed as he poured some ketchup on his plate next to his fries.

"I like this waitress." Mike said. "We should tip her."

When they were done Mary the waitress took their plates and brought them a round of cinnamon mints. Zack got up and went to the counter where there was a little bell. As the rest congregated around him he slapped his hand on the bell, ringing it and alerting Mary. She came out of the kitchen door and smiled.

"Anything else I can do for you sweetness?" She asked.

"Just saying thanks for everything." Zack winked and grabbed his crotch. Both of the Mary's laughed a little and they left the restaurant. Mike and Zack immediately took out their cigarettes and lit them.

Anna grabbed Mike's cigarette and held it above his head. "I don't like you smoking these things."

"Yeah Mike." Zack said as he took a puff from his cigarette. "Anna doesn't like you smoking these things."

Mike groaned and reached up for his cigarette in Anna's hand. He then just realized that she must be a little bit taller than he was because her reach was far out of his meager range. Zack took another drag from his and reached over to Anna's hand and took the cigarette from her.

"It's an addiction." Zack said as he gave it back to Mike. "Non smokers just don't understand the need for a good smoke." Mike took a defiant puff from it and almost immediately felt guilty when he looked Anna in the eyes.

"Sorry..." Mike said as he bent down and snuffed the cigarette in the dirt. He put it back in his pack and sighed. Anna felt bad for her action and kissed Mike on the cheek.

"When are you going to call the quit line?" She asked him. In Colorado they had an eight hundred number you could call and get either nicotine gum or patches. It was cool but it required you to enroll into a program where a cessation counselor called you every week and talked you through your recovery from nicotine addiction. Mike just didn't like the idea of having to confide in somebody that wasn't George. Which brought to mind his Ativan prescription.

"Did my refill come in yet?" Mike asked Anna.

Anna reached into her purse for her phone and dialed the pharmacy. After a few moments she was online with a tech. She talked for a little bit longer before putting the phone back in her purse.

"Yes it's ready. Let's walk there shall we?" She said as she took Mike's hand and led him up the block and down into the front of the town. Zack put his arm around Mary Lin and guided her along the path being taken by the two before them. He kissed Mary on the head, mainly because kissing her on the lips would require him to bend down. Another malady of being tall, Mike thought hatefully.

It wasn't even two in the afternoon but the shop keepers all seemed to be getting ready for closing time it seemed. Mike noticed that the sprinklers were on near most of the area's grass was.

"Why doesn't anyone use their sprinklers at night, when their supposed to?" Mike asked Mary. She shook her head and laughed. Mary then broke free from Zack's hold and ran into the greenery by the sidewalk where the sportswear store was and started to dance in the raining water around her.

Zack took off his shirt and revealed his skinny boy six pack and boney ribs and threw it to the side of him before running into the sprinklers himself. His carefully gelled spiky hair immediately fell limp with moisture. Anna laughed and tugged at Mike, who refused to budge from where he stood, and she ran into the water herself.

Mike scoffed and crossed his arms. When he looked back at them they were all dancing in the water and making the happy sounds of joy and amusement. Mike wished he didn't have such an aversion to water. It was then that he noticed some sort of hole opening from Mary Lin's throat and he immediately let out a gasp of horror. Before anyone could focus on what had made him yelp Mary's throat hole closed up and she looked Mike straight into his eyes and smiled as if she had just gotten away with patricide.

"What?" Zack said, still laughing and rubbing the water off of his body. His pants were soaked but he didn't seem to mind one bit. He walked out of the water's way and went up to Mike. He grabbed his shirt from the grass below him and used it to wipe off the water on his torso and face.

"I..." Mike knew he'd sound crazy if he said anything. So he just kept his mouth shut and sat on the grass with his legs crossed and sighed with indignation. "Never mind."

"Oh you're just a fuddy duddy!" Mary Lin said with a laugh and walked out back onto the sidewalk. Anna, who was just at the edge of the sprinkler's vicinity, came back over to where Mike was sitting and wrapped her arms around her lover.

"What's wrong?" She asked Mike.

"Nothing." Mike said, still staring at Mary Lin's neck. What had just happened? He thought to himself. Surely he didn't just see what he had just seen. Mike nervously looked around him and gratefully saw Nagget's Books down the block.

"Let's go to Nagget's." Mike said as he got up and dusted the dirt off his backside.

"Nagget's?" Mary Lin said with venom in her voice. "He's definitely an odd duck."

"No less odd than some people I know." Mike said, trying his best to conceal the menace in his voice. Mary Lin just went on smiling like the comment meant nothing.

"How about you come over to my place?" Mary said into Zack's ear. His face lit up with the sexual promise of solitude. Zack smiled and took Mary into his arms and gave her a long kiss, with tongue. When he broke the embrace he wiped his mouth,.

"You taste like my cock." He said, laughing.

Mike wondered where he had, if he had, gotten the chance for them to have completed a blowjob while they had been together that day. He then thought of Zack sticking his enormous thing into that hole he saw open in Mary's neck. Had he saw what he had saw? Mike's head started to hurt.

Anna took Mike by his arm. "You two do what you want. We're going to Nagget's."

Zack winked in Mike's direction and allowed himself to be led down the opposite way on the sidewalk. Mike watched as Mary Lin walked with his roommate and best friend until they were specks in the distance.

Anna reached out and grabbed a hold of Mike's large head and kissed him on the mouth. Mike tried to give her the tongue but was blocked by her teeth. She stepped back and wiped her mouth and giggled.

"Come on sweetness." She said. "Let's go to see your new friend."

Mike's body went limp and if it weren't for his sturdy spinal chord he may have just fell to the ground then and there. Anna took him by the hand and led him down the way toward the eccentric bookseller.

As they walked by the various shops Mike saw the proprietors staring at them through their shop windows. As if they were tracking their every move with precision observation. Mike felt dirty with the people looking at them so he just looked forward and kept going straight. When they got to Nagget's Mike looked back and saw that the line of shops behind him had just turned off all their lights. Had the block just closed for the day? It wasn't four yet, what was going on?

Anna was still holding Mike's hand when she opened Nagget's shop door and led him in, albeit forcefully seeing as he wouldn't budge unless she used some of her woman powered arm strength. Mike's attention was diverted when Nagget welcomed them into his shop.

"My favorite customers!" He said as he held out his arms and hugged Anna. He then turned toward Mike and tried to do the same, but was thwarted when Mike rolled his shoulders and groaned. "Don't like hugs I see." Nagget said with a laugh.

"He doesn't like to be touched by other people." Anna said sweetly as she held onto Mike's hand. Mike flushed with embarrassment and let go of her hand. He rolled his shoulders again and flapped his hands. Then he walked past Nagget and into the horror section near the back. He could hear Anna and Nagget talking by the front as he looked over the titles in the section that he stood over. Out of nowhere he found in the bookcase a copy of "Invasion of the Body Snatchers." He took the paperback from it's spot and looked at the synapse on the back cover. He had seen the movies but had never read the book before. The thought of Mary's throat opening up and the random Mexicans standing in the sprinklers now made a sort of perverted sense. Mike gasped with the realization but then fought it back. Aliens? He thought. Might as well just send him back to the state mental hospital now. Mike groaned and was about to put the book back where he had found it.

"You want that?" Nagget said from behind Mike, startling the guy to the point of dropping the book. Mike was flustered and slightly embarrassed at his reaction. He picked the book back up in his hand and turned toward Nagget.

"I've seen the movies." Mike said as he put the book back in its proper spot.

Nagget scoffed. "The book is always better." He said as he took the book from where it sat and handed it back to Mike.

Mike accepted it but had to say something about the previous statement. "Actually Stephen King's 'Christine' and 'Pet Sematary' movies were better movies than books."

"Really now?" Nagget said as he rubbed his gray bearded chin. "I've never read nor seen either."

"Well," Mike started "In 'Christine' the movie, the car is possessed and drives on it's own." Mike made a motion as if he were driving a car, something of which he knew not how to do. He just made the motions as if he were driving a car, and for some reason he reached for the hand break. "But in the book it's a ghost driving the car." Mike rotated his head and looked down at the book in his hands. "And in 'Pet Sematary' the book, it's like three hundred pages before anything even happens. So much prose about nothing until the end and then all of a sudden people start getting whacked."

Nagget laughed. "Don't spoil it for me now!"

Mike rolled his shoulders. "No. I'm not. It's impossible to spoil something that has no plot to begin with." Mike put the book back in it's spot but Nagget took it and gave it to Anna. Anna was unsure of what to do with it so she just held it by her side.

"It's on me." Nagget motioned toward the book in Anna's hand.

"I probably wont read it until we get home." Mike confided.

Nagget's warm smile suggested that he didn't care when he read it, as long as he read it sometime or another.

Chapter 11

As the afternoon turned into dusk, Anna looked around the medical section of the book store long after Nagget put up the closing sign. Mike enjoyed no name diet sodas from Nagget's fridge and just let the old man talk. The man conversed about topics as wide ranging as global warming to the best way to make meat loaf. In their relationship, Mike was more likely than Anna to use such a recipe. She always had school to deal with and Mike always seemed to be done with his homework before anybody else could even complain about the workload.

Mike rolled his shoulders and looked behind him, making sure that Anna was preoccupied enough to say something to Nagget in confidence.

"Have you noticed anything weird lately?" Mike whispered. Nagget was sitting across from him at the big wooden desk that served as a front counter.

"Nothing weirder than usual." Nagget said matter of factly.

"No. I mean like the people in this town soaking up water out in their sprinklers."

Nagget took a sip from his knock off Dr. Pepper and shrugged. "The town seems to enjoy getting wet. So what?"

Mike cleared his throat and closed his eyes, knowing what he was about to say would sound very out there. "I mean, like today. I thought I saw a hole in this girl's throat."

"I don't follow you."

"I mean... Um... You see there is this girl that Zack is seeing while he's down here." Mike swallowed another sip of soda. "And when she went in the sprinkler her throat opened up. Like a real hole. And then it closed like nothing had happened."

Nagget shook his head mournfully. "I believe you're seeing things my little friend."

"No." Mike protested. "I did see thi.... Wait? Did you just call me your little friend?"

Nagget laughed. "Well you're little and you're my friend." His smile was warm but Mike felt like he was being patronized to.

"I'm not THAT little..." Mike said defensively.

Nagget reached over and was about to ruffle Mike's hair in jest when Mike recoiled so hard that he fell off his swivel chair. His diet soda spilling onto the floor. Mike got up and grabbed the can so that it wouldn't spill anymore than it already had. Then a look of sheer terror came across his face and he started to cry.

"I'm soooooo sorry!" Mike half shouted at Nagget. He used his coat tail to wipe the can dry and then frantically ran around the shop looking for something to sop up the diet soda that was making its way through the front carpet of the small book store.

Nagget laughed and got up and put his hand on Mike's shoulder, making Mike withdraw again, this time though he didn't spill anything. Mike fell back into a book case and it almost toppled if it weren't for Anna rushing to the other side of it and putting her weight against the shelf. It steadied and Mike just collapsed onto the floor, sitting with his legs crossed and his head in his hands.

"Are you alright?" Nagget asked, obviously concerned.

Anna shushed Mike's cries and sat down to comfort her lover. Mike fell into her breasts and wrapped his arms around her. She patted his back and cooed such sweet things like it was going to be alright and that he wasn't making a scene at all.

"I'm so sorry!" Mike cried into Anna's chest. Nagget dismissed him with a wave and walked to the back and took a towel from his office. He placed it over the spill and smiled.

"It's okay. It's okay." Nagget assured Mike. He reached his hand over to pat him on the back but Anna shook her head no. "Are you doing okay my boy?" Nagget asked.

"He has Asperger's." Anna said as she cradled Mike in her arms. "It's a form of autism. He doesn't like to be touched."

"I'm so sorry!" Mike wailed. Nagget stood up and put his foot down on the towel to get it to sop up some more of the diet soda that was making its way through his carpet.

"It's perfectly okay Mike." Nagget said as his foot made swirling motions on the towel below him. "It's perfectly okay."

Mike's cries died down and he sat in Anna's arms breathing heavily. There was a knock at the front window and Nagget went to see who it was. He saw Zack making funny faces in the window and this seemed to annoy Nagget. He unlocked the front door and motioned for him to come inside. Zack did so and sauntered in, strutting as if he were larger than life. Nagget went to the back and came out with some paper towels and some Windex Glass Cleaner©, guaranteed to make your windows shine, or your money back!.

"Clean up your oily face mess." Nagget said as he handed over the cleaning supplies to Zack. Zack looked at him quizzically but went back outside to clean off the oil streaks he had left on the frontfront window. When he got back inside he lay the cleaning products on the front desk and then saw that Mike was crumpled on the floor with Anna holding him in her arms.

Zack walked over to them and kneeled down. "Are you okay buddy?" He asked without his usual sarcasm. Mike sniffled for a second longer before pulling his head from Anna's now tear soaked breast. He wiped his eyes and nodded.

"I'm so sorry." Mike said. "I'm always causing a scene."

Zack patted Mike on the head but Nagget took his hand from him and wagged his index finger at Zack. "He doesn't like to be touched." Nagget repeated.

"By people he doesn't know." Zack corrected him.

Mike got back up and shook himself off. "Where's Mary Lin?"

Zack's smile could not be contained. "I couldn't find her today... so I fucked her sister."

"Did you wear a condom?" Anna asked, a little annoyed at Zack's promiscuity. This was her town, she didn't need him seeding every fertile female in the vicinity.

"For what?" Zack asked without any sort of understanding in his voice. "It was funny. I spit on her back and she thought I had came. So she turns around and I spooge on her silk sheets while she watched."

Nagget shook his head. "You remind me of myself when I was your age." He laughed and patted his rather large belly. "I used to be a little man whore when I was in college."

"So what happened?" Zack asked, honestly wanting to know about Nagget's life prior to his becoming fat and old.

"I grew out of it. You will too."

All Zack could do was laugh. It even brought a smile to Mike's face. Anna couldn't keep herself from grinning either.

"As long as my cock is an affront to morality and my sexy self the body of my own God. That one may eat of with little crackers and grape juice. Wherever, whenever there is a bitch in need of an ass fucking. I'll be there." Zack said as he placed his right hand to his heart. "I solemnly swear to fill every hole with my white stuff. To treat women as the whores they are. And to boldly go where she told me not to."

"So you have a big cock huh?" Nagget said with interest. "I'm all about that."

Mike wiped his eyes. "Are you gay Mr. Nagget?"

Nagget laughed. "Bisexual." He looked Zack over and smacked his lips as if savoring the flavor of Zack's ball sac. "Fine young man."

Zack couldn't tell if he was being serious or just fucking with him. He didn't want to take the chance however so he walked over to where Anna and Mike were and stood by them. Almost as if they were there to shield him from Nagget's homosexual stares.

Nagget laughed it off and Zack looked relieved. At least he was until Nagget said "Tell me son, how would you like to make twenty dollars?"

"Excuse me?" Zack said, mystified and offended by what had just been asked of him. "What do you mean?"

"Oh I'm only half kidding." Nagget pouted. "When I was down in Portland I was pretty active with my website. I'd get some good looking young men and feature them nude on my site." Nagget sighed. "But now I'm an old man who just comes off creepy when he asks such questions."

Zack gagged himself with his fist.. "I'm sure! Old balls are always the worst balls."

"Well anyways." Nagget clapped his hands together. "It's time for me to go home I suppose."

Mike walked over to Nagget and held out his hand. "I'll shake your hand." He said meekly. Nagget smiled and took it with his large hand and shook the living day lights out of it. Mike felt his elbow pop, but not in a painful way. It was a good pop, like his whole life was a build up of tension in his elbow and it all released once Nagget man handled it.

"Well I suppose I'll just get my old homo ass back to my house now." Nagget said with a sigh.

"I wouldn't let anyone in this town know you're bisexual." Mike warned. Nagget smiled smiled and waved him off.

"It'll be our little secret." Nagget winked at Zack, who in turn turned around to face a bookcase looking for the person he was looking at when he did the old eye lid open and shut winking thing that some humans tend to do when there is a hint of something a little more to the story. He turned around again, doing a three sixty, and was once again in front of Nagget's stares. Nagget laughed and motioned for them to head on out the door. To fuck with Zack further, he placed his old hand on the small of Zack's back and led him out of the store himself, Zack fidgeting all the way.

It was already dark when they left the store at six thirty in the evening. Anna realized the time and started to panic. "We're going to miss dinner!" She exclaimed. Nagget turned to her after locking the store door.

"I'll take you guys home." Nagget offered. They all unanimously accepted and walked down the street to Nagget's car.

Mike was brushing his teeth alone in the guest house when he thought about Mary Lin's neck hole again. What was that? He wondered. Mike felt like he had run out of ideas and just accepted the fact that he had been seeing things. It wouldn't be the first time. One time he had over dosed (purposely) on his Celexa trying to kill himself. Instead of sweet, sweet death he tripped his balls off. First he awoke during the middle of the night frantically trying to catch his breath. Then he imagined that the lady who had nabbed his father after his mother's death was repeatedly entering his bedroom and yelling at him to quit heroin. Which was odd because Mike had never tried that stuff. Pain meds, sure, but not that. The there were some paramedics loading him onto a stretcher and screaming that he needed morphine stat. Mike said (or imagined saying) that he was an addict, please don't dope him up. Then the medics gave him said morphine and the trip would start again. All in all he spent approximately six hours staring at a wall touching himself.

Anyways, after The whole Nagget thing, it made him feel stupid and even worse than normal. He hated causing scenes in public places. Especially when Anna or Zack were around to witness them. Mike rinsed his mouth out with minty green and refreshing Scope Mouthwash© and spit the contents into the sink. There was a touch of blood in his spit making Mike think that maybe he had brushed a little too hard. With a sigh he turned on the faucet and rinsed the spit from the basin.

There were thoughts about taking a shower before bed but his not so better judgment decided against it. Mike stood before the mirror and placed his tooth brush on the counter. He looked into the mirror and saw a small skinny man with no hope for a decent future.

"No one loves me, I'm abused." He said to himself in the mirror. And then he laughed at himself.

They hadn't gotten his Ativan from the pharmacy when it had been filled, so he'd just have to wait until the morning to get them. The thought of him having to wait that long physically hurt him.

Mike walked to the bed, which by the looks of it had been made up by Consuelo, and sat down. He went over the day's events in his head. For the first time since it happened he thought about the two little kids who made those inhuman clicking sounds. Were they talking to each other in a made up language? Like Klingon or Hyruleise (the official language of Hyrule)? He wasn't even sure he was even sane at the moment, let alone could fully comprehend anything that may be out of the ordinary. Maybe they were just playing? And the hole in Mary Lin's neck was just a trick of the light or something. Mike was studying psychology and biology so he knew the brain could do some amazing things.

Mike spit in the sink and went to his bed and found himself drifting off. He shook himself back awake and yawned while stretching towards the ceiling. Mike's sleepy eyes looked in the direction of the bathroom connected to the bedroom across from him. He figured now was a good time as any to take that dreaded shower thing that people are so bent up on. While it did make him instantly feel the warm, distracting water on his skin, he knew that if he waited any longer than people would tell him. That was always embarrassing. Of course Anna was understanding about it but not your common variety dick on the street. That dude will make sure he says it loud enough for everyone around to hear.

Mike stood up and stretched again. Then he scratched his right butt cheek and got hopping to the bathroom. Mike looked at himself in the mirror and instead of mentally comparing himself to someone else, he just made a few funny faces. He was too tired to be self loathing. Being apathetic takes much less effort.

Mike took off his pants and boxers and lay them on top of the toilet seat. Then he pulled off his t-shirt of a cartoon Johny Rotten and placed it on top of his underwear. Standing completely naked he studied himself for a moment. He always heard before that if you could see your toes while standing without having to bend over, then you were skinny. He had a tiny stomach on him but everything else was thin and small. And by small tummy it is to be said that it is more of a bump on a very flat stomach. Not even worth noting unless you were into perfection. Something that Mike gave up on a long time ago.

Mike, aside from having Asperger's, also has OCD and OCPD. The first one means obsessive compulsive disorder, which most people already know of, and then he had OCPD. OCPD stands for obsessive compulsive personality disorder. This meant that he was obsessed with making everything just right to his specifications. About not accepting anything less than what he knew he couldn't do even on a good day. He was a perfectionist in the most horrible of definitions. He used to be so bad that it took him several hours to make construction paper cut outs of people for kindergarten class. One small nick and he would throw the whole effort away. Luckily George and a plethora of psychologists and psychiatrists alike helped him with this sort of stuff.

I've gotten a lot better, Mike thought to himself.

Mike went into his pants pockets and took out the pack of cigarettes and then plucked the one remaining cigarette and placed them on the sink counter. Mike took the cigarette over to the nightstand and came back to the bathroom. He opened the cigarette pack and the butt fell out onto the counter. Mike opened up the mirror to find a medicine cabinet hidden behind it and searched for a q-tip. There was none to be found amongst the many, many bottles of Aspirin. Mike hated the stuff and to be honest it also scared him a little too. The stuff thinned your blood and could cause hemophilia which could most certainly kill him. And things that could kill him were avoided with great regularity.

He shuddered at the thought of the eternal blackness and shut the mirror. He left the two things on the counter and started up the shower. He made it warm through a series of trials and errors. The faucet was turned on by pulling on it and the heat / cold ratio could be fixed by rotating the lever. When it was just perfection.

Perfection...

...He stepped into the shower and braced himself for the rapid temperature change. He could never get used to the shock of it. It was like his entire body was dipped in ice water, even when it was hot water he was getting into.

He assimilated without much fuss and before he knew it he was wetting his hair and readying it to be shampooed. Mike did so and lathered up his head enough to where he could use some of it to wipe his crotch and armpits with it to give the soap he was about to use a little boost. He rinsed his hair and the other pubic regions before looking around the shower for some sort of cleansing product. It appeared that shampoo was all that was present so Mike just lathered up his entire body. Soap is soap right?

Mike started singing softly to himself "Slim Pickens, well he does the right thing, and he rides the bomb to hell, yeah he rides the bomb to hell." The Offspring were always his favorite. He sometimes wished he could play an instrument so he could start a punk band. Not that the Offspring was punk, but he wasn't about to let semantics fester in his psyche so he just referred to them as such for his sake and not so for the kids who had faux-hawks and trust funds who would ask. Not that he met many punks in Denver. Or anyone for that matter. There was a lot of emo kids and hipsters. It occurred to Mike that emo kids are just hipsters in training. Mike sighed and realized that he only had two friends. He knew Zack was one but sometimes the dude could really make him feel like shit.

Then there was Anna. How did he ever find a girl like that? He knew about serendipity and such but he wasn't about to believe some new age mumbo jumbo. Although sometimes he wondered.

Mike was just finishing off when he started to hear a crack and crumble. Mike kept on showering until the last of the lather was gone. Then he shut off the water so he could hear better. He opened the curtain and through the foggy mist that was the result of the shower being on for too long. He heard it again.

Crack!

Crumble!

Mike remembered that his towel was still in the bedroom so he ignored the sound to go get into his suitcase for a towel. Once he got it he went back into the fog of the bathroom and started to towel off.

Crack!

Crumble!

Where was that coming from?

Mike walked toward the bathroom counter and looked into the mirror, it's whiteness of moisture rapidly fading. The click and cracks were coming from there. It wasn't but a second more that Mike was staring down at the counter where he saw the cigarette butt bubbling out red liquid. It started spreading from there and into the sink. There it was like looking at a glass pouring water up only it was red and it shot straight into the faucet. The butt just kept gushing it out in pulses, like a heartbeat was propelling it. Mike backed away slowly and dropped the towel at his feet. The puddle growing around the butt started to creak like it was metal being bent, the whole thing then just rose up and through the liquid Mike could see his reflection inside it. The goop then formed a 3D model of Mike's head.

"What the fuck!?" Mike screamed, bracing himself back to the wall of the bathroom.

The red goop sculpture started to mouth his words. Then it said "What the fuck!?"

Mike ran from the bathroom and into the bed room, where he hastily put on some underwear, jeans, and a t-shirt. He ran from the room without socks, which had always been a big deal to him, because socks are like little pillows for your feet, and he went straight down the stairs to the front door, where he exited in haste.

The red sludge rolled down to the floor and grew into a red replica of Mike's short body. It then grew skin and hair and was a fully formed clone. The imposter Mike looked down at himself, naked as Mike had once been seconds before, and smiled.

Mike ran into the mansion and directly up to Anna's room. He started pounding on her door and kept on doing so until she opened it. Her body was cloaked in a night gown and she was rubbing the sleep from her eyes.

"Anna! Quick! You gotta..." Gotta what? He asked himself. Should he tell her about the red goop monster he just saw? Anna looked impatient. "There was an intruder!"

Anna's eyes lit up with terror. "What happened?" She asked shakily. Mike took her by the arm and led her down the stairs. Then thought better of it.

"Can I sleep with you tonight?" He asked, aware that he had just gotten her out of bed and halfway down the steps.

She let out a moan. "Are you being serious or are you just lonely?"

Zack was at the top of the stairs, clad only in his white and red boxers that proclaimed he was a rock star. "What's going on?"

"Mike says there was an intruder at the guest house." Anna said up to him.

"Intruder?" Zack questioned. "What were they after, your fragile person?"

Mike could feel his cheeks flush with anger. "I know what I saw!"

Zack walked down the stairs and met with them at the bottom. "I'll scare him away."

"With what?" Anna said a little too mean for her. "You're super sized bicep muscles."

"No." Zack smiled. "I know self defense."

"What if he has a gun?" Anna asked.

"Yeah." Mike conceded. "What if he has a gun?"

Zack stood there for a moment. "Shut up!" He said loudly and began his trek back up the stairs. "I saw a baseball bat in the closet in my room."

"Gun." Anna reminded Zack. Zack stopped where he was and thought it over for a second.

"He's probably already gone." Zack offered honestly.

"I'm too scared to go back!" Mike couldn't help but shout.

"Then we'll come with you." Anna said as she went back up the stairs with Zack to go to her room and put some clothes on. Zack went down the hall to his room and they both came back all fixed up in proper winter wear. Mike realized that he hadn't dressed up quite nearly enough to go outside. He was dreading the walk back to the guest house.

Mike reluctantly went with them back to the scene of the incident. Zack went in first, then Anna, then Mike. Zack held onto the baseball bat tightly and was ready to swing at a moments notice. They checked out the living room before they entered the kitchen.

"It wasn't in here." Mike said, looking over his shoulders in case that thing was lurking behind him.

They then made their way up to the bedroom where Zack held his arm out to keep the other two from going in before him. He held the bat in defensive position and walked through the room and into the bathroom.

"HOLY SHIT!" Zack shouted.

"Oh my God!" Mike yelled and ran toward the bathroom. When he got to the door he saw Zack standing over the counter and looking at his face in the mirror. "Fucking huge zit here..." He said as he dropped the bat onto the vinyl tile floor to use both hands to vanquish the blemish off of his chin. Mike stormed in and frantically searched the area. Then he went to the counter and looked at the empty box of cigarettes. The butt wasn't there anymore.

"It came out of the cigarette butt!" Mike said as he ran his hands across the counter, under Zack's arms as they were still above it attending to his face.

"What came out of what?" Anna asked, confused.

"The red stuff! It was here!" Mike pulled at his hair.

Zack looked Mike up and down and said "Man. Can I buy some pot from you?"

Mike bit his lip and drew blood. He then started sucking on his mouth wound and walked passed the two and back into the bed room.

"Honey," Anna said, sounding exhausted. "I think you just need to get some sleep okay?"

Mike's face was red with exasperation. "I... There was something in here!"

"Some THING or someBODY?" Asked Zack.

Anna shook her head. "Get some sleep Mike. We have church tomorrow morning."

"We do?" Mike was surprised and enraged at the same time.

"Yes." She said matter of factly. "We do."

Zack groaned and picked the bat off of the floor. "What is it with you people and your God?"

Anna pretended like she hadn't heard him. "Get some sleep." She kissed Mike on the forehead before leaving the room and exiting the house.

"If you want you can sleep with me tonight." Zack offered.

"Really?" Mike uttered hopefully.

Zack scoffed. "Fuck no. You ain't getting none of this tonight!" He used his free hand to slap his butt and was gone just as fast as Anna seemed to disappear. Mike stood in the bathroom with no socks and no idea as to what had happened earlier. Did he imagine it?

Mike groaned and walked back to the bedroom. He took off his shirt and pants and collapsed onto the bed clad only in his boxers. He didn't even get under the covers. He was exhausted and weak from fright. As he fell into a deep sleep, something rustled in the closet.

Chapter 12

Daniel sat in his car smoking a Marlboro and blowing the smoke out of his driver's side window. He had been staking out the dormitory on and off for a few days now. Coming when the moment struck him. He was looking for Zack but didn't know where to start. He just knew where he lived because he had made some deliveries there before. With impatience, he got out of the car and waited for someone to come out of the locked outer door that was protected by a pass code. You could also buzz somebody in but he had no one on the inside to do so.

After about twenty minutes of waiting a short blond girl wearing a large manila trench coat walked out of the door. Daniel got it at mid swing and let himself inside. The elevators were down so he walked down the hall and looked for one that had a sign stating "stairs." He found the door in the middle of the hallway and went inside and walked up the stairwell to the third floor.

He found three fourteen and stood there for a moment. Daniel had to think to himself for a second if this was the right one or not. He figured he was pretty sure it was Zack's room, so he started knocking. Soft at first and then progressively harder.

"Zack?" He called. "Zack it's Daniel, no hard feelings right man?" Daniel felt his pocket for his switchblade, which was secure in his right pants pocket and ready to sling out.

After about two minutes of non-stop knocking a tall muscular brown haired youth opened his door parallel to Zack's. His big chest was heaving in and out as he reached into his pocket. Daniel was caught off guard and swung around ready to strike anyone who dare intimidate him. He drew his switchblade and rested it a few inches from the guy's stomach.

The guy in front of him took a step back and took the inhaler from his pocket and sucked on it like a whore starving for the cock.

"Whoa man!" The young man said in heaves between puffs on his inhaler. "Party foul!" He had a Corona in his free hand and with the other he put his breathing aid back into his pants pocket.

Daniel blushed and put the blade away. "I'm sorry. I thought you were someone else."

The barrel chested youth shook his head. "I'd hate to be him."

"No..." Daniel caressed his other hand with his right. "I didn't mean it like that. Do you know if Zack is home?"

The young man shook his head. "Last I heard he left with his roommate to Goodington." He stuck his thumb to his chest and smiled. "Mike told me to feed his piranha but I guess it died before he left."

"Piranha?" Daniel asked, not quite believing what he had just heard.

"Yeah. Fucking killer fish. You ever see one eat a frog? Mike showed me a few weeks ago before it passed on."

"Really..." Daniel looked from side to side to see if they were alone in the hallway. Not for any particular reason really, he just did it by habit. Drug dealers had to look out especially well for themselves. You never know when you'll be accosted by a cop.

The young man extended his meaty hand. "My name is Ryan."

A young female walked up behind him and goosed him with her free hand, the other occupied with a Coors Light beer can. "Hey Ryan!"

Ryan turned back and bent down to kiss her. She slipped him her tongue and they stood there swapping bodily fluids for a good minute before she disengaged him.

"Come back to the party." She said with excitement in her voice. She looked at Daniel standing in front of them and smiled. "Hi." She said sheepishly. She turned back to what Daniel could only assume was her boyfriend (or one very lucky bastard). He nodded and she went back into the dorm room.

"I got to get going. Anything else I can help you with?" Ryan asked as he raised the beer bottle to his lips and started sucking on it loudly.

Daniel shook his head. "Goodington you say?"

Ryan smiled and nodded in agreement. "Goodington. Next to Estes Park. You ever been there? They have the Stanley Motel there. That's the place where Stephen King wrote The Shining."

"You don't say." Daniel said, already walking away and down the hall by the time Ryan took another drink from his bottle. Ryan shrugged and closed the door.

"Hey Amy," Ryan called to the girl in his room. "You know anyone we can score some blow from?"

Mike had a fitful night the night before. After what he had seen, or thought he had seen, he was visibly shaken. He was afraid to go into the bathroom but knew that there wasn't any such thing as what he had seen the night before. It was just too big of a leap to admit that he had seen a large red replica of his person. He shook his head. No, he hadn't seen it. It was just a trick of his brain and perhaps the many medications he was on at any given time.

Mike put on the clothes he had thrown on the floor from the night before and finally saved up enough courage to go into the bathroom. He looked at the counter where the cigarette butt had been but it was gone. Had he thrown it away in his delusion? Did he ever even have a cigarette butt with red slime on the tip? He didn't want to admit that he had in fact had the item in question not even nine hours before.

Eying the counter warily, Mike walked sideways towards the toilet, not taking his eyes off of the counter for a second. When he got to the latrine he dropped his pants and boxers and sat down to do his business. It took him forever to get the bowels moving because he could swear that he was being watched. From where he didn't know, but he had the sensation of a million eyes on him.

He finished and wiped himself clean. Flushing the toilet he went two steps to the counter and stood there for the longest time. He had to wash his hands, that was a definite. But he didn't want to touch anything there. Finally, as if his hands were burning with filth, he turned on the faucet and wet his hands before lathering them with the soap by the sink.

When he finished his hands were wet and soapy with Dial. When he checked behind him he didn't see a towel handy so he walked out into the room and dried his hands on the guest bed sheets. Mike stood by the bed and looked toward the bathroom and snarled. "Fucking red man." He said under his breath.

Mike sat down on the bed and took his phone from the charger on the nightstand and checked his email. For the first time since arriving in Goodington, Mike got two bars. A few Facebook friend requests and a shit ton of emails asking him to sign a petition to save whatever animal or pass a law to shut up the hippies. He had only signed one online petition a few years back and now everyone from The Union of Concerned Scientists to PETA were asking for his John Hancock. He hated getting shit from PETA because they were basically huge hypocrites. They fought, most times dirty, for animal rights yet their main spot was an animal shelter that couldn't even technically be called a shelter because they kill more animals than they save. The more proper term for that was an euthanasia clinic.

Mike thought of caring young men and women taking boxfulls of dead animals to the garbage dumpster out behind the PETA offices. Each one gently shot up with benzodiazepines first, then potassium cyanide to finish the job. Just like they do with death row inmates when their maker comes a calling. Mike thought about the process and it came to mind that of a man he had once met in front of a 7-11 once.

He had a black hoodie and black pants and even had black shoulder length hair to boot. Mike had just bought a pack of cigarettes when he came out front of the convenience store and met the stranger. He was standing by the side of the building and eyed Mike as he came out.

"You got a cigarette man?" The black clad stranger asked.

Mike debated for a moment whether or not to oblige when he found himself drawing one from his pack and giving it to the man. He was of average height and weight but he had the deepest brown eyes of anyone Mike had ever met and probably will meet. The man took it and smiled.

"Thanks man. One less cancer inducing cigarette in your lungs huh?"

Mike shrugged. "I suppose."

They both lit up and stood side by side for a second or two before the man said "Ever had the urge to knock over a 7-11?"

Mike took a long drag from his cigarette. "Never."

The man laughed. "Well, me, I think about it all the time." The man took another draw of his cancer inducing cigarette of doom and flicked it onto the pavement. "I suppose I gotta get doing what I gotta do." Mike saluted the man as he put a pair of panty hose down across his face and took out a gun from his pants pocket. "See ya around kid." He said as he ran into the store.

Mike, being the upright citizen he was, fled the scene and called the cops. By the time they got there the strange man in black had already vanished behind the store and into the woods. Well, woods wouldn't be the right word for the lot in the back, more like an area sparsely inhabited by about ten or twelve pine trees before the highway could be reached. Where ever the man went, he absolutely vanished. Mike kept up with the story for the longest time before losing interest. He had told Zack about it before but he just shrugged and said he would of knocked over an Arbys, at least he would have gotten free food in the deal.

Mike shuddered. He realized how close he had come to death at that moment in the 7-11 parking lot for the first time. He had to cool down. Mike walked over to the other side of the bed and found his leather laptop bag on the floor. He rifled through it for the longest time before realizing that he didn't have any Ativans on him. They were downtown waiting for him at the Druggist. He was dreading going out again. Church was on the agenda and Mike wondered if he'd be as offended today as he had been the day before by the sermon, and the preacher. Mike thought bitterly how Anna smiled and laughed when she was around him. He wished he could castrate him. Preachers don't need balls do they?

Mike held out his hands and breathed deeply. In and out. In and out. Breathe...

When he opened his eyes his heart was racing just a touch slower than it had been a moment before. With a few more relaxing breaths he was at a normal heart rate and the numbness had gone out of his hands and feet. Sometimes his extremities would flake out on him during a panic attack. He was told this is because the body diverts blood and oxygen to the vital organs in the case of something bad happening to the body. He felt light headed and sat on the bed again.

He heard his phone's ring tone go off, Kelsey Grammer singing "Tossed Salad and Scrambled Eggs," the theme to Frasier. Mike took his phone from his pocket where he had just previously placed it and looked at the display. It was Anna.

"Hey you." Mike said, a smile spreading from ear to ear.

"Hey sweetie. You're phone is working here I see. How are you doing?" Anna asked with the sweetest of voice.

"I just woke up."

"Awe... Are you still sleepy?"

Mike wiped the remaining sleep from his eyes and laughed. "Not anymore."

"Good. Are you dressed?"

"Yup."

There was a pause on the other end of the line. "Are you wearing yesterday's clothes?"

Mike did a look over on himself. "Yes..."

"Change." Was the command she stated.

"Yes..."

"And I don't just mean your shirt."

"Yes..."

"Are you listening to me?"

"Yes..."

"Would you like a porcupine needle up your asshole?"

"Yes..."

"Mike!" Anna shouted.

Mike laughed. "Ha ha. Just fucking with you."

"Change." She said again and hung up. Mike mouthed her words in mock and put his phone on the bed. He stretched and took off his shirt. Then he slid out of his pants and dropped his boxers and threw them across the room by the bathroom door. Standing naked, Mike scratched his arm pits and walked over to the closet door. He opened it to find a whole array of his clothes hanging on hangers. Consuelo or that butler probably put them up for him while they were out.

Mike took a blue dress shirt from the hanger and then spread the rest out toward the other end of the closet. He looked at the pants selection he had and flipped through them to better see what match with the shirt he picked out. A thin, crinkled arm handed him some gray slacks.

"Thanks." He took them and went back to his suitcase where he had his underwear and put them on first, then the clothes.

"Thanks?" He uttered in as he was perusing his suitcase for some socks. Mike got up from the bed and walked barefoot to the closet where he had just come from. He was shaking and could feel his heart race no matter how well he tried to breath. As his hand touched the closet door knob he heard a rattle inside the closet. He quickly grabbed the handle and opened the closet door and jumped to the side.

A medium height mummy looking person fell to the floor and writhed in what looked like severe agony.

"Help me..." The wilted white naked man asked breathlessly.

"OH SHIT!" Mike screamed and ran from his room and down the stairs to the front door. He turned the knob in a frantic race to get as far away as possible but the door wouldn't budge. Mike banged his hands on the front door. "FUCK! LET ME OUT!" He looked back but nothing seemed to be following him. But that didn't mean that something wouldn't follow him, so he turned back to the door and kept trying the door handle. Finally he looked down and saw that the door was still locked. He didn't have time to feel stupid however because there was a fucking thing of unknown origin in his bedroom closet.

Guest bedroom, he corrected himself as he ran across the back yard through the sprinklers and to the back door of the mansion. He tried to open the door but it, like so many doors in his life lately, was locked. He began banging on the door and screaming "Help!" loud enough to hopefully cause a stir in the large living facility. Mike stopped real quick to look back but saw no one or no thing coming for him from the guest house. There was a short Hispanic man in a green Polo and khakis standing in the middle of the lawn, seemingly soaking up the water from the sprinklers that were going off. The man was looking toward the sun as he did this and was gargling it seemed with some unknown substance in his mouth. What ever it was it was making his mouth foam.

Mike braced himself against the back door with a thud and the short man's concentration was broken. He looked Mike in the eyes and Mike saw glowing orbs dancing around the man's head. The orbs went back into his eye sockets and melted into brown eyes, complete with the whites and pupils and all that sort of stuff you'd hope for in a seeing instrument.

The man started walking towards Mike slowly at first, then faster. Mike was about to break the door down but before he could even turn around he fell back and onto his ass. The marble tiled ground was not kind to his bottom side falling from that height.

"AWE FUCK!" Mike yelled as the pain hit him like a bowling ball to the groin, the thought bringing back the multiple horrible memories he had of grammar school recess periods he had collected in his fatty lump of a brain. He cringed but instantly remembered he had been running from some very serious shit.

Before he could get up the short Hispanic man was over him offering his hand. Mike screamed and backed up with his legs and into the stocking fitted legs of Consuelo. She picked him up with amazing, inhuman strength and dusted him off. Mike's ass was pounding with hurt.

"Es you okay?" The short man woman asked and reached out to straighten out Mike's shirt. Mike squirmed in Consuelo's arms and broke free. Before he could run though Henry was at their side running in from the kitchen.

"What the hell is going on?" Henry demanded as he grabbed Mike by the collar. He looked Mike in his eyes and then to the help on either side of him and let go. He shook his head.

"Sorry." He said. "I guess my temper gets the best of me sometimes. You can't trust liberals you know. What's going on?"

Mike stared at him dumbly trying to process what had just been said. He looked at Consuelo's blank stare then to the short Hispanic man's equally disturbing, but far more interested gaze. He didn't know whether to feel bat shit insane or just plain crazy. He shook the doubt from his head and breathed in and out a few times to steady himself.

"There's somebody in my room." Mike said.

"What?" Henry said as if it had pissed him off.

"I said, there's somebody in my room!"

Henry looked doubtful. "You mean MY room?"

"Whatever, quick! He looks like death!" Mike pointed back to the guest house and then to Henry and back.

Henry laughed. "You must be kidding. Nobody breaks into anywhere in this town."

"Well someone just did." Mike said with urgency.

Henry smiled and walked past the three of them and out onto the back lawn. Midway through he stopped and turned. He laughed. "Somebody broke in. I highly doubt this." As he was walking towards the guest house he was heard muttering "Fucking left wing nutcases."

Anna walked over to where Mike was standing by the door, dressed in her Sunday finest, of which she must have multiple items that could be deemed Sunday's best judging by the amount of times a week this town went to church.

She put her arms around Mike. "What's wrong." She looked concerned.

"Mike says somebody broke into the guest house." Henry yelled from the guesthouse door.

Anna tightened her grip and then let go. "Somebody broke in the guest house? Can't be a local then." She left Mike standing in the doorway and did a light jog to meet up with her father.

When they got to the door Anna turned back. "Where is he?"

"In the closet!" Mike called out, not wanting to go back into the guest house. He saw them go into the large house and disappear. Mike looked from the short Hispanic man to Consuelo and back. The short Hispanic man just started walking back over to the side of the house and disappeared around the bend. Mike felt dizzy and wanted to sit down, but he was in the kitchen, there were no chairs.

He turned to Consuelo and she put up her hands. "Me no go. Me stay."

"I'm not asking you to." Mike said softly. She peered out of the door and looked to Mike like a scared, caged and feral rabbit. She stepped back and put a hand on Mike's arm. Mike took her hand and held it in his and they waited to hear back from the house.

Anna came running back from the house and over to where the two were standing in the kitchen. "Somebody DID break in! Wow! I don't know who it is but Father says it's the old man from the Henderson house out by town. Said he's senile and does this from time to time.

She took out her phone and dialed 9-1-1. "Yes. Yes this is Anna Shoemaker." She listened intently to the speaker next to her ear. "Yes, that Shoemaker. Listen, we have a break in over at our guest house." She bit her lower lip. "Also, bring medics. The old man we found in the closet looks really bad." She let her lip slide back to normal from between her teeth. "Yes we found an old man in the closet." She let out a sigh. "Yes, I'll hold."

Zack walked into the scene sipping on whatever was in his martini glass. "What happened?" He asked.

"I found an old man in the closet apparently." Mike said a little too fast to be audiable.

Zack seemed to catch it though. "How long was he in the closet?" Zack asked.

"I don't know. Probably all night or just now or I don't know..." Mike sat down on the marble tiling and crossed his legs. He was holding up his hands on either side of his head and shaking violently with fear.

"So what you're saying is that this man has just now came out of the closet?" Zack asked between sips of his drink.

"Yes. He just sort of fell out of the closet when I opened it..." Mike said, head shaking from side to side so much that one would think a neck injury was due.

"So, in a sense, you helped this man out of the closet?"

Mike nodded.

Zack swallowed the rest of his drink and said "Good for you man."

The old man was on a stretcher being led from the guest house and into the ambulance which had parked on the back lawn. Mike caught a glimpse of the person being taken to the hospital and he looked very familiar. The old man had a familiar hairline and had Mike's dazzling sky blue gray eyes. His mouth and nose were of the same proportions as well. The only difference it looked like was the age of his doppelganger. Mike was standing astonished and unable to move after the man had passed him by. He looked over to the ambulance and before the beefy male medic closed the door the old man sat up and whispered the words "Help..." in a gravel encrusted voice so small that Mike could barely make it out at all. Then the medic jumped into the back, obscuring Mike's view of the man, and closed the back door to the ambulance. After a moment's hesitation the engine started up and the vehicle left the grounds.

Mike was still barefoot and just realized it. He walked timidly passed the tall red haired policeman that was talking to Anna and quietly slipped into the door of the guest house. He slinked up the stairs and across from a female cop dusting for prints on the open door knob. Mike was finally in the room after all that maneuvering and he saw an officer going through his suitcase which was open on the floor.

"Hey sir," Mike said. The man turned from the suitcase and nodded, acknowledging Mike's presence. "Do you have to do that?"

"Just checking." The officer stood to full height and was a fat six seven. His name tag said "Arms." How could somebody so big maintain that weight unless he ate from six in the morning to six at night on a diet of nothing but the sweet cream filled awesomeness that are Hostess brand Twinkies© and cool, refreshing Coca-cola by the amazing tasting literful? Mike couldn't even begin to do such complicated math in his head at the moment. He shook his head and rolled his shoulders. Officer Arms just stood in front of him, smiling with his wide mouth. Probably thinking about bacon, Mike thought.

"Can I help you?" Mike asked nervously.

The large policeman took out a piece of bubblegum from an anonymous looking piece of tin foil and shoved it into his mouth as if it were a side of pancakes.

Mike cleared his throat. The man stood steadfast and looking right into his eyes. Mike was now caught in a staring contest with a man fifty times his size and just as wide. The large man reached for the hat on his head and took it off, scratching the bald spot on it with the other hand.

He swallowed the gum after chewing on it for a little over the minute. "They say gum stays in your stomach for seven years." He put his police cap back on his balding head. "You wouldn't know anything about that, now would ya?" His smile faded into serious enquiry.

Mike flapped his hands in a fit so bad that he cracked both wrists loudly, probably the previous night's sleep had atrophied his joints, he thought. He knew that the crack you got when you popped your knuckles or other various bodily joints, it was really built up air bubbles between them that made the cracking noise when they got released. Contrary to popular belief, cracking one's joints does not bring upon the black death known as arthritis, that was actually up to genetics.

While staring at his knuckles, the man walked past Mike and made a move forward as if he were about to attack but Mike didn't seem to have noticed.

"Hey!" The policeman shouted.

Mike looked up from his hands. "What?" He said and immediately felt fearful of his safety.

"We're onto you city folks. Don't think you can get away with city shenanigans in our peaceful town." The man hocked up something in his throat but swallowed it shortly after. Mike was disgusted that the man hadn't spit it into the bathroom sink or something, despite the fact that he frequently did the same thing whenever he got something caught in his throat, but now was not the time for empathy.

Mike lowered his head. "We aren't causing any harm sir..." He said in a small, scared little boy voice.

Officer Arms made another move forward but pulled back before making contact with Mike's body. He smiled. "You flinched. We're watching you guys." He used two fingers on his left hand to point to his eyes and then to Mike in a gesture that all but said that he wouldn't just be an invisible presence, but a full on participant, in Mike's little Christmas vacation.

He laughed a deep and guttural laugh and left Mike standing with his head staring down at his bare feet. A moment later Anna walked in the room and put her arms around Mike's neck.

"Sweetie are you okay?" Anna asked into Mike's hair.

Mike hugged her back tightly then let go and separated. "Is everybody in this town Ted Nugent insane or do they all just have severe blood sugar problems?"

Anna looked confused.

Mike nodded. "That cop, Officer Arms, that was just here all but threatened us. Saying that he's going to keep an eye on what we do and where we are and all that stuff!"

Anna grabbed a hold of Mike's hands and held them tight. "Honey. Nobody is out to get us. He was just probably messing with you. You know how you set yourself up for it."

Mike knew she was right. But still, that cop had freaked him the fuck out.

"So what's the deal with this old man that I had stalking me in the closet." Mike asked and tried to break free of Anna's unflinching grip. She finally let go and let out a loan moanful sigh.

"It appears he had some medication issues and was severely dehydrated." She said, looking to her side as if to see somebody else to help explain the situation. "I don't quite understand it myself. But apparently the guy gets weird sometimes and goes about the town just going in and out where his frail little legs take him."

Mike rolled his shoulders and popped his neck. "He looked an awful lot like me."

Anna laughed. "I thought so too! You're older doppelganger!" Her laughter was like audio saccharine, a little too sweet to be real. Mike smiled and finally let her hands control his. She pulled them up to her mouth, where she planted little kisses on each of his knuckles.

"Do they all look like me?" Mike asked, suddenly aware that he had been disarmed in the presence of the one he cared so much about. A friend, a lover, a surrogate mother. He had quite the catch. He wrapped his arms around her and they danced to some unheard song playing in the background. A jaunty and faded tune that was played on the violin. It swirled invisibly around them as he led her from one foot to the other as they went from side to side and back and forth to the rhythm only they could make out.

Mike didn't know how long they held their embrace for but it was enough time for Zack to appear in the doorway to the guest bedroom.

"May I join?" Zack said smartly and thrust himself at Mike, breaking the pair apart and bringing Mike onto the bed behind him. Zack lay on top of him and smiled as he caressed Mike's wispy brownish dirty blond hair. "You'd be torn to shreds at a Slayer concert."

Mike tried to move the large man off of his chest but was unable to budge him. For someone who weighed the amount that Zack did it was amazing that he didn't fly away on windier days. How was he able to not fly like a suicidal man on a ledge when Mike was putting all of his strength into getting him off.

Mike grunted and accepted defeat. "I'd like to see you last a second at a Photo Atlas show."

Zack made a face full of disgust and rolled off of Mike, allowing him to breath finally.

Zack put his hands in the back of his head as he lay by Mike's side on the guest bedroom bed set. "Fucking fagots wouldn't know a Muon from a Boson."

Mike sat up, astonished at this sudden burst of knowledge from Zack. "What was that?"

Zack sat up and put his hands on his head. Then he shot his arms out from there and made an explosion noise from his mouth and then his hands landed on his legs. "What now?"

"What?"

"What?"

"Bosons and Muons?" Mike said, somehow making the words into a question.

"Fagot." Zack said and stuck out his tongue. He got up and stood over Mike and walked to the door. "I don't need this." He said. "I got an honest to God pussy." Anna crossed her arms and gave Zack a nasty look. Zack stopped where he was and turned back. "I'm sure you're an honest to God pussy too, but Mike's already jizzed in your cumquat so I'm not too endeared on sloppy seconds."

"Zack." Anna said as she put her hands to her head and massaged the temples. "We're going to church."

Mike rolled his shoulders and flapped his hands against the bed. "I don't want to go anymore... What if that cop is there?"

"Mike," Anna said without a bit of patience left in her voice. "I'm sure he was just giving you the old scare bit that police like to use on people like yo..." She caught herself.

Mike looked at her with surprise in his eyes. "Like what?" He asked.

"Nothing. Sorry Mike..." Anna said, growing flustered.

"Awe shit son." Zack laughed. "She just went there." He put his hand on Anna's shoulder and she immediately shrugged it off. "Even I won't go there!"

Anna raised her hands to the ceiling and let out a loud groan of mental agony. "Please Zack! Stop it!"

Mike shrank into the bed further and further as Anna yelled at Zack. Before she knew it he was all the way up to the wall holding the blankets against his chest in fright. She stopped and looked at the pitiful sight he was making and sighed.

"Sorry Mike..." She said and held out her hands for a hug she knew wouldn't be coming any time soon. She held out for a few seconds before putting both arms at her side. She walked over to the side of the bed nearest to where Mike was scrunched up and started running her hands through his hair.

"I'm sorry. Zack gets on my nerves. I know he's your friend but I can only take so much sexism and perversion before I just snap" she held up an invisible twig in her hands and snapped it in front of Zack. "and go out and kill random people with a sniper's rifle and a box of American made Federal Premium® bullets."

Zack was still smirking when she looked back his way. He put his forefinger to his head and used his thumb to simulate cocking an old six shooter. Then he stumbled out of the doorway fame and went down the stairs haphazardly as if he had been wounded.

Anna sat in bed next to Mike and held him silently. She noticed Mike's unmoving face water up at the eyes. A tear ran down his left cheek and he dug himself into Anna's breast. She soothed him with a song about cats chasing mice and rockets to the moon. She made it up as she went along but she was on a nice little roll with her rhyming, an amateur poet through and through, although she had been published a few times. All by the Community College of Denver literary magazine two years in a row. It was a small source of pride that she held close to her, just as she was holding Mike.

Zack came back into the room but this time he wasn't smiling or making obscene gestures. He walked over and tapped Mike on the shoulder. "You okay buddy?" He asked.

Mike looked up from his place in Anna's chest and nodded, his face red and wet with tears. "It's just been so much you know?"

"Is this about the weird old guy you found in your closet?" Zack asked in a concerned but steadily inquisitive voice.

"It's about everything so far..." Mike said with the last bit of breath he had before breathing in the next batchful of air. "I know I saw something last night and this morning with the man, the cop, and all this shit and I'm feeling like I'm going to be requiring shock treatment sometime in the near future because the world, not just this small area of Denver, but the world, is fucking shitting, shitting, shitting on me and I have no fucking Ativan, so I'm just... FUCK!" He yelled and got up from the bed and immediately pulled his hands to the side of his head. He kept nodding and shaking his head. Zack gave Anna a worried look and she got up and grabbed a hold of Mike.

"It's okay Mike!" She pleaded.

"It's cool dude," Zack said as he wrapped his long arms around the both of them. "It's going to be alright. You're just having a shitty week is all. We all have them." He rested his head on Mike's and for whatever reason Mike couldn't understand he felt safe being wrapped up in two layers of friends. He felt sort of like the chocolatey Tootsie Roll in the middle of an orange flavored Tootsie Pop covered by a wax paper wrapping.

Finally Mike seemed to be calming down. Anna and Zack shushed his sobs down to an inaudible hum, almost soothing to the two humans attached to the gooey autistic center.

First Zack let go then it was Anna who detached from Mike like a baby letting go of her mother's swollen tit. Mike wiped his eyes with his dress shirt sleeves and sat back onto the bed.

"Church?" Mike asked, looking helplessly up at Anna.

"Church." Anna said sweetly.

Chapter 13

Daniel had no way of knowing where he had missed the turn. He was too busy talking on his cell phone to notice anything other than the straight ahead from his car's front window. One of his bitches had gotten caught in a sting operation and needed "Sweet Daddy Frosty" to come and bail her out. Even if he was in town at that moment he debated whether or not he would of done it anyways. Stupid hos, he thought, always getting shit on by their own stupidity. He wasn't actually talking to the one who was at the police station at the moment, you can't receive collect calls on most cell phones (Which, contrary to popular beliefs, was the only kind of calls an inmate can make from a jail or prison, because despite what the movies may have said, in real life there is no such thing as a free phone call when you got arrested), but was hearing it second hand from his other ho, Samantha "Tender Titties" Jackson, who was over at the pad counting the money she had made the night before. She had gotten the collect call around ten that morning, woke her up and all that shit she stated angrily to Frosty. He couldn't help but smile and think of all the times they had on the patio of that little Japanese bistro in downtown boulder, sipping on sake and making plans for anal sex later that evening. Daniel was so adrift in his thoughts that he had tuned out Samantha after five minutes. Without even ending the conversation he just hit the end button on his phone and looked up at the GPS the hung to his rear view mirror.

"Shit!" He said as he remembered that he had put the fucking thing on silent a few days ago. He stopped at a small mountainside gas station and parked at the entrance. He messed around with his GPS unit a little more before grabbing the thing and trying to strangle it despite its lack of a neck.

"God damn you stupid piece of shit!" He shouted.

"Churches." Said the GPS and started giving him directions to the nearest place of worship. Instead of giving into his anger he just stopped himself and thought about what that little guy that Zack had for a roommate had once said about his therapy sessions. Just stop and breathe, so he did. He breathed in slowly and exhaled, feeling the tension ride away on his breath onward outside his body. He thought of a little fluffy white kitten in his lap and pretended to pet it slowly and with the touch of someone who could massage a baby's knots away as gentle as any cloud. This made him smile. He even felt the invisible feline's rumbling purr.

"That's some good shit right there." He said to himself. Once he broke from his little trance he was centered once again, or at least he would be after a hit from his crack pipe. He went into the side of his seat and fingered a small opening in the bottom part of the leather. He pulled out a crack rock no bigger than a pebble and wrapped in plastic. He bit the wrapping off and pulled out his pipe from underneath the floor board. Then he put the small white stone into the end of his "glass rose" stuffed with copper Brillo® brand scrubbing pads, an excellent buy at your nearest kitchen supplies supplier, and lit a cigarette lighter over it. The white rock began to dissolve and sizzle in the heat, crackling and popping like tiny little explosions, it was music to Daniel's soul.

His first hit made his lips feel numb. The second made his face feel as if it had disappeared. By the time the rock was spent around the fifth hit he had a full on erection from the stuff. Not that it would ever be useful, cocaine dick was worse than that of the whiskey variety. Your whole body was numb, just try using your dick after a teener. It would be like trying to move your arm after it had fallen asleep and limply hanging it in the air. It's just not possible to cum or even feel anything down there when you were on shit this good.

He used the stuff to attract and keep his hookers and random assortment of girls and women. He knew better than to leave the stash at the motel though, he didn't trust anyone that well. He always kept it on him somewhere in the vicinity of his presence.

The Asian store attended came out of the glass double doors like he was a man on fire holding a broom. His arms were flailing and he was shouting some gibberish that Daniel couldn't make out because of the ringing in his ears that such a heavy amount of cocaine had induced. When the ringing subsided he heard the man loud and clear.

"I'm going to call the cops on your ass if you don't leave here this minute!"

Daniel smiled as if he were staring down a Cheshire cat in a dream. "Man you're a buzz kill." He said as he reached into his leather jacket for a cigarette, he lit it and looked on at the attendant, as if they were in a game played by children.

"Fuck you man!" The attendant shrieked. "Get out of here now!"

Daniel put the car in reverse and stuck out his middle finger from far above his head.

"I fucking love cocaine!!!" Daniel shouted as he sped out of the lot.

As they walked up the front lawn to the entrance of the church, Mike and Anna were, at least in Mike's eyes, accosted by Ronny again.

"I'm so glad you could make it again." Ronny smiled as he said this to Anna then gave her a flier for the day's sermon. Mike cleared his throat, signaling to Ronny that she was not the only person occupying his space. "And hi." Ronny said gently to Mike. "I am so sorry about your piranha."

Mike's eyes slit with anger. "It wasn't a piranha." He said impatiently. "It was a red bellied pacu." Mike violently took a flier from Ronny's extended hand. He looked at it and immediately crumpled it up and put it in his inner suit pocket. The flier had said: "What if Jesus Christ was aborted? Why Planned Parenthood wants to kills your babies."

Ronny frowned at the lump of wrinkled paper in Mike's inside suit pocket.

Mike had to take it out and see it again. He stared at it and said "What is this? Sweeps week?"

Ronny smiled once again. "Well it IS getting close to Christmas." He said as if almost prideful of the remark. Mike looked at him strangely for a few moments before Anna broke his gaze by waving her hand in his face.

"Sorry?" Mike said, not understanding what Christmas had to do with aborting babies. Ronny nodded toward Anna, who shook her head.

Mike was about to pull Anna and himself away from the creepy priest but suddenly had a realization. "How did you know about my fish?"

"The piranha?" Ronny asked, seemingly forgetting the conversation preceding this one.

Mike sighed. "The red bellied pacu." He rolled his shoulders. "How did you know I had one that died?"

"Oh that!" Ronny laughed as if everyone was in on the joke. "I talk with Mr. Shoemaker all the time. He talks a lot about you Mike."

"All good I hope." Mike said with a sarcastic smile.

Ronny's smile faultered. "He listens. He cares. He just wants what's best for Anna." Ronny's hand was in great danger of being bitten off tendon by tendon and bone by bone if he didn't keep his hand to himself, which he didn't, patting Anna on the shoulder.

Mike snarled. "By the way. I'm an Atheist." He said aloud. Everyone seemed to drop what they were doing and stared at Mike and Anna, who were at the door of the church. First one person booed then another person booed until almost everyone on the church lawn was accusingly booing him. One person even hissed.

"Who hissed?" Mike asked, surprised by the sound. If he was surprised then the crowd must have been as equally as quizzical because the booing stopped. The disgusted townspeople walked passed Ronny who was standing in front of Mike and Anna, displaying their unease with the autistic trouble maker. After about ten couples Ronny turned around and looked absolutely horrified by Mike.

"I can't believe I met an Atheist!" Ronny said excitedly. "I am going to make you into a believer!" Ronny was all but jumping for joy. "Just you see!"

"Is he for real?" Mike asked Anna. Anna looked at him in a way that forbid any further questioning. She grabbed him by the arm and led him into the church. As they passed the pews Mike could hear the people in the seats whispering obscenities and making silent accusations. Mike rolled his shoulders and started to flap his hands but Anna grabbed a hold of them before they could do any more damage in the public's eye.

They sat where her family always sat and Mike tried doing his breathing exercises, but to no avail. It sounded to him like the voices were getting louder and louder and more and more venomous. When Ronny walked into the room it fell silent. All eyes were off of Mike and onto their all knowing priest. A man of God. The town collectively seemed to like God and they also seemed to like Ronny so it was just a natural conclusion that they would respect him as a channel to their savior. He waved as he passed the people in the aisles as if he were a rock star going on stage.

Mike shrank back into his seat when Ronny took the stage. Um... I mean, um, podium. Ronny waved to the crowd and blew a kiss. Mike was dumbfounded and numb at the sight. Anna seemed to be equally as astonished at the spectacle. She was shaking her head in disbelief, but she was also smiling. Maybe she saw some irony in Ronny's actions that Mike couldn't see due to his Asperger's.

A lot of stuff eludes people with Asperger's. They tend to take everything literally and it sometimes feels as if they can never tell if somebody is joking or not. It's a lapse or a deficit in theory of mind skills. The inborn skills of socialization most people seem to pick up on as children are very difficult for someone with Asperger's to acquire. So something like what was going on in front of Mike would just seem like Ronny was actually feeding off of the crowd's energy. Then again, he could be.

Ronny raised his hands and then lowered them, signaling the church goers to quiet down and pay attention.

"My flock," Ronny began in a baritone too deep for his still pimply face. "It has come to my attention that we have a non-believer in our midst.

The crowd was once again again booing the five foot seven man child. And, again, somebody hissed.

Mike turned his head, got up, and yelled "Who the hell is hissing!?" Anna grabbed him and sat him back down in his seat and made him face forward. Mike crossed his arms and looked at Anna on his left then his focus went to his right, where Mr. and Mrs. Shoemaker were eying him with wary glances.

Ronny cleared his throat, silencing the hall. "Whenever I meet a non-believer, the first thing I want to do is hug the man. I want to get on my knees and pray for that man. I want to call up to God to give me the will to inform this man of God's great glory and the gifts that await him in heaven if he would... Just... Repent and love Jesus Christ as his lord and savior!"

"Amen!" Zack shouted from the back of the cathedral, Mary Lin holding him tight with one arm and fingering his asshole with the other, albeit hidden from the view of the congregation.

Ronny raised the Bible in his hand and shouted "I want to wash that man's feet! I want to open this good book to any old page and just read to him the words of God!"

"Amen!" Said the congregation.

Ronny opened his Bible at random and read the the first thing that he found. "Genesis 19:8 - Look, I have two daughters, virgins both of them. Let me bring them out to you and you could do what you like with them. But do nothing to these men because they have come under the shelter of my roof." He closed the bible and said "Amen." The rest of the sheep in attendance mimicked him like a room full of talking parrots.

Then Ronny opened his mouth again. "And with his mighty love and understanding, he would forgive this sinner for ever doubting his greatness!

"My friends, we shan't denounce such a man with our hatred hot as the cauldron in which Satan makes his soup, but praise his ignorance as proof of his masterful ways!"

Mike could feel the entire place looking at him as Ronny spoke passionately about virgins in need of a good pipe cleaning. He was feeling a panic attack coming on.

"This... This man," Ronny continued, "is the reason why Jesus did what he did. All the miracles, all the sermons, all the everything he did, was for this one man right here." The church hall went dark and a spot light shone upon Mike's surprised face. He winced in the brightness and moaned. Mike tilted toward Anna and took her purse from her right side and dug into it. He pulled out a compact mirror and pad combo and reflected the light into Ronny's eyes.

Ronny shut his eyes and attempted to wave away the light being shone on him with his hands. "Okay, okay. Get the light off of him, will you Bill?"

"Sure thing boss." A voice from above shouted and the spot light went dark. The room was once again bathed in the florescent light that had been on before the room went dark, standard lighting for a public place really.

Ronny took the wireless mic from the podium and sighed into it. "You see my fellow Christians." He started walking down from the podium and onto the red carpet that led to the entrance of the church. Walking slowly down the steps he started to chant "God is great. God is good." It was inane banter with no substance behind it but the crowd began to chant it in unison along with him. Ronny walked up to Mike and knelt down on one knee in front of him. "Will you accept Christ today as your lord and savior?" Ronny then held the microphone over Mike's mouth.

"No." Mike said matter of factly. He was met with a great silence. The same person, somewhere in the audience, hissed. Mike turned around once again and shouted "That's enough! Who the hell is hissing!?"

Suddenly Zack's laughter filled the auditorium and Mike did a face palm. Ronny smiled a little but was not sure what more to do. He pushed back his jaw length blond hair and frowned. This was the part where the sinner repented.

"I... Um..." Ronny stood up and tried to find the right words, if any, that he could say that would make the situation all right. To put the genie back in the bottle, only it wouldn't fit anymore, having grown fat in the outside world.

Mike stood up and took the microphone from Ronny and said "Maybe it would be best if I left..." He gave it back to a stunned Ronny who just stood there in front of Mike like a deer caught in a Mack Truck's head lights. He was so motionless that Mike was sure that if he shoved a finger into Ronny's chest that he would fall over and shatter like a crystal chandelier that fell to it's doom on a hard concrete floor.

Mike turned to leave, but before he could do so he felt Anna's hand grasp his. "I'll be right behind you." She said as she glanced in Ronny's direction. Ronny frowned and looked to his side in hopes of coming up with some amazing speech that would save the moment. But nothing came to him. He was as useless as a hole in a kidney.

As Anna and Mike passed Zack and Mary Lin, Zack got up and bowed to the people watching and took Mary Lin by the hand and led her out of the church along with the other two. Mary Lin had to be all of five feet two inches tall and Zack outsized her by a foot and an inch. They were an odd looking pair but surely enough, Zack cared not, for he was getting poonami whenever he please.

They all settled on the church lawn and Mike fell down to his knees and began to cry. Mary Lin looked up at Zack who in turn gave her the hand signal for cutting one's throat. She fell back and stared helplessly at Mike groveling on the Kentucky Blue Grass lawn.

Anna picked Mike up by his elbow and led him to her Honda. Zack and Mary Lin followed close by and took the back seats. Anna helped Mike into the car and took her place in the driver's seat.

"Let's go get your Ativan." Anna said, sounding very agitated at the situation. She put in the key to the ignition but before she could turn it she had her face in her hands and she was the one crying this time.

Mike looked around the car nervously. He wanted so desperately to help her, to say something that would make her stop. He was in almost as much pain as she was and he knew nothing that would make the situation better. Mike put his wary hand on her shoulder and she looked up at him from behind her fingers. Anna wiped her eyes with her blouse sleeve and gave Mike a weak smile. She reached out and ran her fingers through Mike's hair.

"I do love you." She said sweetly. "I just can't handle your type of love sometimes."

"But, I can handle your love." Mike said meekly, holding onto her hand.

"I'm going to piss in your mouth." Zack uttered in hushed, lustful tones toward Mary Lin, who just laughed it off and gave him a big kiss on his thin pink lips.

"You are a riot." Mary Lin laughed.

"And you are going to cook me a steak dinner." Zack said in return.

Mary Lin smiled. "Anything you want."

Zack grinned and bared his too small for his head teeth. Mary Lin gave him another kiss, this time going all the way into his mouth.

Anna wiped the last of her tears away and started the car. "Let's go get your medicine so you can calm the fuck down already." Anna was laughing when she said this. Mike took it as something positive.

After the church debacle, and add in two one milligram Ativan tablets, and you have a very spent Michael Inman. He lay on the guest bed spread eagle with his clothes on the side of the bed on the floor. Anna was in the bathroom cleaning up after the lazy sex they totally just had just had. Mike had no energy left to gain another erection even as he fiddled with the six inches of himself that could always be counted on to be a stress reliever. Even when he wasn't around Anna, he had his hand. Mike's whole view on sex was that he didn't need another person to get off. If he got the urge he deemed it safer and less of a mess to do it in the bathroom over a piece of toilet tissue rather than fuck Anna and have it dripping from her for what seemed like forever and a day. Mike did like having sex with Anna, but in some deep place inside him he hated being the dominate person in the bedroom. Not that he was gay, but he thought to himself that the whole reason why he likes hanging around Zack so much was that the guy was a very dominate masculine figure. Zack had no problem taking advantage of girls for his own selfish needs. Mike on the other hand always sort of felt guilty after sex. He just wished for once he could gather the gumption to cum on Anna's face.

The thought made his semi erection flounder. He went limp and useless for the time being. It was such a horrible thought, he thought to himself. With a sigh Mike sat up in the bed and went to the side to get his clothes, which had been perfectly folded and placed on top of one another before the sex had occurred between the two of them.

Anna came back out of the shower and walked into the room wearing nothing but a towel around her waist. Mike averted his eyes from seeing her breasts. He still had a sense of shame in him. That inborn fear of nudity that coincided with Adam's bite of the forbidden fruit of paradise.

This made Mike wonder. "Do you ever think about what they teach in church?" Mike asked aloud, not necessarily to Anna in particular.

Anna took off the towel and started hand drying her hair. "I try not to."

"What I mean is," Mike faltered for the right words. "Like take Adam and Eve for example." Mike started, taking the thing he had been thinking about and putting it into speech. "Didn't God make them with no knowledge of sin?"

Anna was now wiping her legs dry. "Yeah. They were created innocent."

"Right." Mike agreed. "And when Eve is talked into giving Adam the apple by the snake, she didn't know that what she was doing was wrong, right?"

"Well yes I suppose." Anna thought about it for a second. "But God told them not to eat the fruit."

"Right." Mike concurred once again. "But non-the-less did they know that disobeying was wrong if they were completely void of knowledge about evil and misbehaving?"

Anna had to think for a moment. "But they were told not too."

"I know, but how were they supposed to know that doing the opposite of what God wanted would have upset them if they didn't know right from wrong inherently?"

"So they were basically slaves to their innocence." Anna agreed. Her college tuition finally showing signs of being money well spent. She had to laugh at it.

"When they ate from that apple, they knew only then that it was the wrong thing to do. It doesn't matter that Eve talked him into it or that a snake talked Eve into talking Adam into eating it. She didn't know right from wrong or from good or evil, therefore they should be free from guilt, from original sin, right?"

"That's a little beyond my thinking process." Anna admitted as she went back into the bathroom to gather up her clothes. She started putting on her underwear when Mike started up again.

"Why do we have original sin if it was basically God's fault for making us in a position to eat the apples from the tree in Eden? He made them not knowing right from wrong yet he punished them anyways." Mike was already dressed by this point but still was having a touch of trouble getting his sweaty feet into his gray and white socks. "The Bible doesn't make sense. How can people really look at it as a guide to live their lives? I mean, Jesus broke up tons of families by saying that other men, and not women or children, should give up their lives and loved ones to follow him."

"You'd have to ask Ronny." Anna said, immediately wishing she hadn't said anything at all.

Mike shook his head. "I don't ever want to go back to that church again."

Anna put on the last item over her shoulders and onto her slim figure. "Even with the Ativan?" She asked, tying her hair into a pony tail.

"Not even." Mike repeated like a parrot.

Anna sighed. "You could just go along with it and at least pretend like you believe in God. For my parent's sake. Could you do that?"

"And lie?" Mike asked, bewildered by the question.

Anna sat down next to him. "Just a tiny white lie."

"That's a pretty big lie, to say that I believe in God."

Anna rested her head on Mike's shoulders. "I'll talk with Ronny. He'll leave you alone but I'm sure he didn't mean to make you feel so awful today during the service."

"What?" Mike scooted back. "How can you say that? The man literally picked me out of a crowd and publicly humiliated me!"

Anna sighed. "Just do this, for me." She kissed him on the cheek and he pulled away, blushing.

Mike's head felt dizzy from the concept but he never the less he would try.

"Okay." Mike said softly into Anna's welcoming ear. "I'll be on my best behavior from now on." He felt cheated. It was Ronny who had made a debacle of things, not him. Mike closed his eyes and fell back into the soft bed. Before he knew it he was snoozing half way into an hour long nap.

Chapter 14

When Mike awoke Anna was no where to be seen. He figured that she had gone back to the main house, or mansion, depending on what term you thought best fit a place with more bathrooms than rooms. Mike rubbed the sleep from his eyes and got up. He was fully clothed but didn't appear to have sweated in his sleep. The clothes he wore were still somewhat fresh smelling, so he thought not about changing before the night came.

Mike looked over at the closet, where that morning an old man who looked strangely like him fell from between his good dress shirts and slacks. Curiosity drove him into the closet, where he turned the light on and rifled through his outfits trying to find any evidence of the old man. Mike stepped to the left then the right trying to find any clue that might end the mystery of the old man and the closet.

Mike thought about that TV hero who was too cool for two names, and merely called himself, Monk, the obsessive compulsive detective. The real OCD. The old man and the closet sounded awfully like a Monk episode title. It made Mike laugh, and his spirits were temporarily lifted until he stepped into something sticky and wet on the floor.

He bent down to check it out and saw that it was a small red stain on the carpet below him. He touched it with his forefinger and raised it to eye level, where he pinched it with his thumb. The stuff was slippery yet sticky at the same time. Whatever it was, it was drying up really fast between his fingers.

Mike went to the bathroom and took some toilet paper from the roll and wiped his left foot and right hand to some semblance of clean. Then he threw the soiled tissue into the toilet bowl and it immediately began hiss and boil.

Mike jumped back from the sound and saw that steam was rising from the toilet bowl. He looked into it from a distance and saw a red caked face with an expression of a silent scream materializing up from the water. Mike couldn't look away. The thing then opened it's eyes.

"Michael..." The thing hissed without moving it's lips. Mike screamed in terror and flushed the toilet. "Wait, no!" The thing screamed in insect agony. And as soon as it had started it was all over. Whatever was in the bowl was no match for modern plumbing.

There was still a bit of red on Mike's feet and hands and he knew that this could be troublesome. He supposed the trigger was water. Now that he thought about it, the steam from the shower the other day could of zapped what ever came off that cigarette butt into life. Was that thing in the closet literally his clone? His space man clone?

This was absurd. Mike rolled his shoulders and started flapping his hands violently. He tried to breath but hyperventilated instead. He was getting dizzy and his movements became jerky. Mike fell to his knees and vomited into the toilet bowl. His breakfast of blueberry pancakes had come up and out of his gullet and into the bulls eye.

Mike wiped his mouth and the moisture on his lips activated the red stain on his hand. It fizzed and burned until the skin bubbled into a liquid mix of red and flesh. Mike threw his hand into the toilet bowl, filled with his vomit, and swirled it around to choke it or what ever this may accomplish. Mike just hoped that the strategy would pay off.

Obviously since what ever it was that was on his hand seemed to be activated by water, then maybe this was a bad idea?

The thing grew to the shape of a hand holding Mike's hand. The ends of the wrist dangled in the water like bloody red tendrils of loose veins. Muscle fibers expanded and contracted into existence. Mike pulled all his weight trying to break free from the hand in the toilet that held onto him so steadfastly.

Mike used his free hand to check his pockets for anything that could be used as a weapon. Nothing but scrap pieces of papers and his wallet. Damnit! He cursed to himself. He yelled for help and the hand pulled him just a little more into the toilet bowl. The thing had grown an arm out of the wrist and it went all the way down the toilet bowl hole. Mike tried flushing the bowl again but to no avail. The thing was now pulling him to where his entire right hand was submersed under the bowl's water line.

The fingers dug in deep to the point where blood was beginning to leak from the holes in Mike's wrist. Mike shrieked and, with one last jump backward, was released and fell backward against the bathroom wall. Mike held his right hand in his left, massaging the superficial wounds on his wrist.

Mike looked back up to the hand coming out of the toilet, followed by a forearm and an upper arm. The hand waved and suddenly the fingernails grew long and curling. Then they straightened out and became sharp points. The bottom of the bowl sprouted four red hoofed feet from the porcelain supporting the bowl as it was lifted up to Mike's sitting eye level.

Mike got up and hugged the wall behind him. He strutted over on his side against the wall until he was at the door. When the hand gave him the finger Mike decided to get the fuck out of that damn haunted guest house.

Mike ran down the stairs and out of the front door. He raced across the lawn and into the back door of the mansion. Only it was locked. Mike felt a sickening wave of deja vu come over him as he banged both fists against the large wooden door. Mike screamed "Help me! There's a toilet hand arm thing coming for me!" Mike cried and looked back, he could see the thing slowly but surely walking out of the doorway of the guesthouse, wobbling on newly acquired legs.

The door opened and one of Mike's hands nearly landed on Consuelo's head but she caught it before it smacked her dab in the center of her Mexican noggin. She held his hand tight and slowly lowered it to waist level.

She eyed him suspiciously. "No... No... No hitting." Mike bit his lip, drawing blood, and bolted passed her. Nearly knocking her over onto the black and white tiled kitchen floor. Mike ran into the dining room and into the foyer. Once he got there he had to stop for a second. He had been sprinting so fast that he had denied himself precious breathing time. He inhaled and exhaled slowly to regulate his breathing and was soon fine. He ran up the stairs and to the third door on the right.

Mike opened Anna's door and quickly ran through it into her room. He ran over to where Anna lay sleeping and put all his force into shaking her awake. She rose with slow and labored movements.

"Anna!" Mike yelled as he stood above, still shaking the poor woman.

"Mike..." Anna said sleepily as Mike let go of her.

Mike felt a rising in his throat and realized that he had worked himself into a frenzy over this and now he was going to throw up. He spit a little bit of brown and green stomach juices over Anna's bed and covered his mouth to prevent further leakages. He looked deep into his worried companion's eyes and remembered why he fell in love, too bad that caused him to lessen his push on his lips and that evening's meal spew forth onto Anna's white night gown.

"FUCK MIKE!" Anna screamed, causing Mike to jump back in fright. He ran into the desk by the door that had a five hundred dollar lamp on it. It will be missed.

Mike felt the gooey bile run down his mouth and onto his shirt. They both stood, him by the doorway next to a broken lamp and her, standing by her bed. Both were covered in vomit.

Anna sighed and went to her closet for a towel and a new night gown. There were foot-steps in the hall, loud with jumping and stomping progression. Mr. Shoemaker was at the door suddenly, wearing a blue pajama suit with teddy bears covering him from neck to toe. Not even a second went by before Henry put his hand over his mouth and gag at the sight of the two drenched in chunky awfulness.

"What the hell happened!?" Henry demanded. His wife, Mary Shoemaker, seemed to materialize by his side.

"What's wrong?" Mary asked with child like innocence. Then she looked over at Anna and Mike and too put a hand over her mouth. "What the hell!?"

"Listen, I can..." Mike started but was cut off by Henry's enraged voice.

"You are going to pay for the dry cleaning of her now ruined night gown!"

Mike began to say something but then caught himself in thought. "Why would you want it dry cleaned if it was ruined anyways?"

"It's not ruined dad. I'm okay."

Mr. Shoemaker's face was still the color of Ocean Spray® Craisins© brand dried cranberries. Mike swallowed hard and instantly tasted the awful residue of stomach acid and bile in his mouth. "Guys. There is something in that house! Something just tried to kill me!" He held up his wrist with four gaping wounds, all in a row. Wounds as if he had punctured his own skin with a pencil over and over again.

"Oh my God!" Anna cried and looked in closer at Mike's wrist. She looked up. "Daddy call the police!"

"I am not doing such a thing! This boy is a dirty little liar and I knew it from the day I met him!" Henry spat, staring the man he deemed a subordinate down.

"What have I done to you?" Mike asked, finally showing that he has testicles dangling between his legs. Anna ran between them both and held up her hands at either side.

"Stop it!" Anna shouted. Zack walked in wearing nothing but a red speedo way too small to house his gigantic reason for being called a male. It showed a lot of stuff that Mike and Anna did not want to see.

"What's going on?" Zack asked a stunned room.

Mike was the first to break eye contact with it. "Something just attacked me in the guest house!"

"Call the police." Zack said plainly, as if it were common knowledge in a situation like this. Henry turned his big head from that enormous bulge to face Mike again.

"Dad." Anna said, trying to be cordial. She picked up her cell phone from the nightstand and pulled the charging cord from it. She then put it to her ear. "I'm calling the police."

"They'll just say what I am saying right now." Henry said. No one in the room knew whether or not that was a threat.

Officer Arms from the old man incident showed up and he didn't seem to be very happy to be coming over there at eleven at night. He met them on the back lawn. Mike waited impatiently by the front door of the guest house for information on the thing that had attacked him. The rest of the family and Zack stood on the back lawn, waiting to see if Mike had something legitimate.

Officer Arms walked through the doorway and onto the lawn, where his audience awaited. He puts his right latex gloved finger into the neck of the glove on his left hand and took it off with a loud slap. "It seems..." He said as he pulled the other glove off, it too making a slapping noise. "that somebody really took a beating to your guest house Mr. Shoemaker."

Mary gasped just a tad over dramatically. Anna stood confidently in front of the cop and asked "So it looks like there was an intruder huh?"

The cop nodded. "Sometimes it's someone you know." His animal like hatred of Mike showing through his eyes as he stared the little man down.

Henry slapped his knee. "Any idea who it may be?" He was now dressed in slacks and a button up dress shirt that was covered mostly by a smoker's jacket.

Mike looked over at Henry, who in turn looked at him.

"Can't say..." The cop eyed Mike suspiciously. "We still need to do some forensic work." Arms continued. "Can't get anyone out here till tomorrow. We're a small town and we're frankly not equipped to deal with such a scene. Now it looks like whomever did this is long gone by now." He snarled. "So I think we should all just go back home and go back to bed, okay?"

Mike was dumbfounded. "You can't even dust for prints or something?" Mike then realized how stupid the question was. Considering his account that is.

The cop spit near the side of Mike's leg. The brown liquid remains of tobacco sinking into the bright blue green grass. Mike wondered whether or not he meant to hit him with it. The world may never know.

Mike threw up his hands. "Where am I going to sleep tonight?"

Henry crossed his arms. "Well you certainly aren't sleeping in Anna's room."

"Well, duh." Mike said.

Henry's face swelled with angry blood but he kept his mouth opening shut.

"You can sleep with me." Zack said. "Fag." He mouthed as gave a wink of an eye.

"You can sleep with Zack." Henry said, as if it were his idea. The big man smiled. "Zack are you okay with this?"

Zack grinned. "As long as there's no funny business."

Mike groaned. Anna was wiping sleep from her eyes. "I'm tired. I'm going back to bed."

"You guys aren't shit pissed fucking scared shit pissless!?" Mike yelled, not exactly caring if he used proper language.

Arms sneered. "Listen. This is a small town, as I said. We don't have crime here. Hell, we don't even have a homeless population." The man spit again, this time a little closer to where Mike stood.

"Well obviously something is going on here!" Mike yelled, almost pleading. "You have to do something! This man, thing, whatever it was, it was in that house! Aren't you worried that he, she, whatever will come back?"

The tall, bulbous cop chewed his tobacco for a few moments and spit even nearer to Mike's leg than before. Mike stepped aside.

"No." The cop said flatly. Mike looked at him in horrified amazement. "You sleep with that young fellow tonight." Slowly, a wide, fat grin grew on the cops face. "No funny business."

Mike threw up his arms in exhaustion, and went into the mansion.

Chapter 14

Mike slept soundly that night despite nightmares of walking toilets. He awoke with Zack's arms draped around his thin body. Mike pushed them away and slid off of the bed, being extra careful not to wake Zack up. He was still wearing the clothes from the night before. Zack had tried to get him to take his clothes off for bed but Mike didn't dig the idea of him being almost naked in a bed with another almost naked man.

Homosexuality, the not so silent killer, Mike thought humorously.

"What the fuck are you laughing about?" Zack said sleepily as he rose from the king sized bed. Mike shook his head and put his shoes on. He had made Zack go into the guest house for his shoes. "Fucking shit everywhere!" Zack had contended. Mike was not sure whether he was being literal or metaphorical. Either way wouldn't surprise him.

Zack sat up for a few moments longer then he squirmed his long, slender body back into the soft mattress and comforter. Mike opened the door slowly and left his roommate snoring softly in the bedroom.

Mike stood by the door and leaned against the wooden frame. He slinked a few feet from there to the wall adjacent. There he put his head into his hands and collapsed onto the floor. So much had happened in the past few days and there was no way anyone would believe him. Even with the marks on his arm, the cop the night before refused to even have a doctor look at it. Mr. Shoemaker refused Anna the possibility of driving him to a hospital, main reason of his being that there was only a small time doctor's office in town and the man would have been mighty upset if he were to be awaken at night for something simple like lesions on an arm.

Mike had the feeling that Henry wasn't his biggest fan.

He began to cry and rolled onto the floor in a fetal position. He heard foot-steps coming his way and when he looked up he saw Mary clad in a white night gown happily, holding the rain distilled thirst quencher Glaceau® Smart Water© brand bottled water, now with electrolytes, strolling by, not even bothering to look down at Mike. For whatever reason, it could be the rudeness of it, but Mike felt betrayed by this. Here he was in a world of emotional pain and the woman acted like she was from another planet.

That got Mike to thinking. Could the events that were taking place here be otherworldly? He knew the idea was absurd. Even if it was so, as with what had transpired, could be so, how would he go about telling somebody? Anna was his first choice but he knocked that idea in the bud before he even had the chance to think further about it. Sure she was understanding of his plight, but she, in all honesty, treated Mike as if he was a patient to be soothed and attended to. This would just give her a reason to call his therapist.

What about Zack? Mike though about the lanky man but then thought against it, he would just make fun of him.

What about Nagget? Maybe... He didn't know him enough to be for certain but the man peddled fiction for a living. He needed evidence though. Mike then remembered that there was a stain in the guest house in the closet. That red goop was still plastered amongst the carpet there. If he could just get some of it in a jar. He got up from where he was sitting and headed down stairs. He had no idea what time it was but it was still dark out.

He stepped down the stairs lightly as to not disturb anybody. Then the thought occurred to him, he could showcase the red sludge's powers in front of everybody. But was that safe? Mike decided that he'd think about what came next after he had obtained a sample.

Mike stepped into the kitchen and walked around the stainless steel oven and counter tops and investigated the cupboards above his head. They seemed to be set for delicious no name brand canned corn (Pops) for the rest of their natural lives, but there were no open containers. Haven't these people ever heard of Tupperware?

Finally, he found a small empty Smuckers® brand raspberry preserves jar, it's contents enjoyed by the family at many a picnic. He took it from the cabinet above the sink and took it back to the room he shared with Zack. There he found his shoes and put them on his feet, always remembering to double tie the knot. Mike then crept out of the room, trying not to wake his lanky friend and cause a game of "Why the fuck did you wake me up?" to ensue.

Mike gently closed the door behind him and as he walked a few steps from it he froze immediately as he saw Mary walk back from the bathroom and right into his line of sight.

"Hello Mike." She said cheerfully to the stunned young man.

"Um... Hi Mary." Mike said, trying to make sense of whether or not to hold the jar behind him or display it in full view. It was a useless gesture however, she didn't even look down at his hands. She just kept walking, holding an Avian© brand bottled drinking water in her hands. So refreshing, yet so refined. She took sips from it every few steps. By the time Mike could make sense of the scene, she had already gone back to her room.

Mike walked lightly down the stairs and to the kitchen, where the back door was. He snuck out of the house and briskly made his way to the guest house. The front door to the place had some police tape resting against the door sidings but Mike made short work of it. He got inside and could see that indeed, the place had been trashed. What ever that toilet monster was capable of, it was obvious that it must have been pissed. The front room couch was over turned and there was water stains everywhere. Nothing was left unturned. Mike made his way up stairs and into his old room. There was a gaping hole in the bathroom where the toilet had been and it was still slowly pumping water onto the floor via the broken pipe sewage connection. The water was being sucked into the carpet and didn't make it to the area where the bed sat.

Mike went for the closet door and pulled the coats and pants hanging from the rack aside so that he was in plain view of the large red spot on the carpet floor. He bent down and realized that he didn't want to actually touch the stuff.

So he left the jar there and went downstairs to grab a knife from the kitchen. He found an entire case of cutlery in the drawers. He pulled a small paring knife from the casing and also a small spoon. Mike then made his way back up to closet in the upstairs bedroom and knelt before the red spot on the carpet. He used the knife to scrape some of the stuff onto the spoon, which he used to put the red goop into the jar. He collected almost a fingernail's worth of the stuff before deciding that the thick sludge was just too tough to collect. He got enough he thought.

Then he made his way back to the house and snuck back into Zack's surprisingly spacious guest bedroom. Mike then took off his shoes and hid the jar under the bed. He got back into bed with Zack and the man immediately wrapped his long gangly arms around little Mike's chest and moved closer to Mike's backside. Mike had plenty of reason to be uncomfortable with the situation. Zack had a nine inch boner sticking out of his speedos and into Mike's backside. Mike cried himself to sleep.

The next morning, Mike awoke around seven am. Zack was already up and doing sit ups and push ups beside the bed. Mike knew that the guy worked out but could never see the point in a naturally thin person working to tone the nothingness on their physique. Zack had a six pack but to be fair, most skinny guys had some sort of that body build already. Mike yawned and sat up.

Zack was now wearing jeans but still lacked socks and a shirt. Mike was still wearing a full set of clothing on him. He got out of bed and slipped into his shoes. Double tying the knot.

Zack rested on his back after his regime. "You were a total bitch last night."

"What?" Mike's eyes were still full of sleep.

"You were curled up and sucking your thumb when I woke up this morning." Zack smiled and wiped the sweat off his brow. "You were acting like a total bitch."

"I wasn't sucking my thumb." Mike said in response, not sure if he believed himself. "Besides, I had to sleep with you cock on my back the whole night."

"You wish you had morning wood like mine." Zack began to do sit ups again. "I'm going to be a porn star and buy me a time share."

Mike raised an eyebrow. "Why a time share?"

Zack laughed. "Because nobody buys them anymore." Stopped and sat up, wiping the sweat off his brow. "Do they?"

Mike leaned in closer and got into Zack's face. Zack pushed him away. "What the fuck are you doing?" Zack asked, annoyed at the intrusion.

"Checking for alcohol." Mike said as he stood up and went for the other side of the bed where he had placed the jar of red goop.

Zack scoffed. "I took some of your Ativan. I like Xanax better." He then proceeded to continue his workout. Mike was able to get the jar out of the room without raising suspicion with Zack. He just continued to do sit ups as if his lean body was made of wound up springs.

Mike carried the bottle to the bathroom and shut the door behind him. He wanted to test it out then and there but as soon as he opened the top he smelled the horrible smell of rotting eggs and rancid meat. The red stuff had turned into dry flakes and was sensitive to Mike's breath. When he breathed onto the flakes they immediately started to curl and move. Must be the moisture in his breath, he thought. Mike put the lid back on and put the jar on the counter. Then he relieved himself, going number one and two at the same time. He wiped himself and washed his hands with some of the marvelous and clean smelling anti-bacterial soap from Bed, Bath, and Beyond®, the only place for your bed, bath, and beyond needs.

Mike walked down the stairs and then forgot that he had left his cell phone up in Zack's room. He went back for it and found Zack sitting on the king sized mattress looking at his cell phone screen. Mike wondered if he was looking at porn or searching ways in which to torture your roommate.

Mike went passed him and took the power cord out of his cell phone, which was sitting on the nightstand beside the bed. Zack didn't seem to even notice Mike as he made his way through the guest bedroom. Mike wondered whether or not this room was made up special or if it already had a bed in it. The mattress took up about half of the room so it probably was not meant to be a bed room.

Mike thought about it, was it an office before?

Useless thoughts.

As Mike headed for the door, the shirtless Zack looked up from his cell phone and asked "What's up?".

Mike broke mid-stride. Was he going to tell him the whole unedited story?

Fuck no. That would open him up to all sorts of Zack induced noogie torture.

Mike rolled his shoulders. "Going over to Naggets to see if he has Stephen King's 'Under The Dome.'"

Zack let out a sigh of disgust. "The Simpson's need their movie idea back."

Mike was about to open the door when he stopped himself. "No. This was written well before that movie came out."

"Only Stephen's word against Fox." Zack sneered. "And everyone knows that the Fox® network is a reliable source of originality and hard hitting, unbiased coverage concerning our national politics."

Mike wasn't sure if Zack was being sarcastic or not. Either way Mike had to get out of that house before the cops came with their CSI stuff. He didn't know why, but he felt as if it was important that somebody know about this before there could be a cover up. If there was a coverup. Dammit, am I going crazy? Mike thought. Halfway down the stairs Mike thought again about how Zack would take such a thing if there were to be some proof of his story. Mike felt his pocket for the preserves jar and could feel the mid sized glass container poking from his khaki cargo pants.

He could show it to them, Mike thought. He could show them the red goop and they would have to believe him. Mike was in half turn when Anna walked down next to him where he stood on the stairs and stopped.

"Mike." Anna said noncommittally as she ran her fingers through his hair. "Are you up for church again?" Anna's white night gown looked like it was choking her it was so tight. She has an amazing body, Mike thought. Sometimes he didn't think that such a beauty should be ruined by him sticking his dick into it, sometimes you just had to stand back and admire those you love.

Mike blushed and gave her a quick kiss on the cheek. "Hell to the fucking no!" He said sweetly and then realized that she wouldn't be the right person to show this to at all. She would freak out and... And what? Mike thought. He was at a loss. He had the proof in his pocket that something weird was going on but he didn't know if anyone around would even be able to do anything.

Mike had to rely on his instincts. And looking into her eyes told him that she would be there for him no matter what. Red goop or not. Mike took her hand and began to lead her up the stairs. He stopped by Zack's room and led her in.

Zack looked up from his phone and for what ever reason he quickly took his red 'The Dickies' shirt (an old punk band both he and Mike enjoyed. The Killer Klowns From Outer Space guys) and draped it on over his thin elongated frame. Anna smiled, even Zack, the guy who would gladly drop his pants for anyone who would ask, actually seemed to have a little bit of shame to him. It humanized him, Mike thought.

"Ok..." Mike said softly as he led Anna to the bed where she sat next to Mike. The height difference didn't seem to matter when they both sat next to each other. Mike read somewhere before that most of your height is in your legs. Indeed, Zack's legs protruded more than half a foot from Anna's.

Zack cracked his neck and put his phone aside. "Why are you sitting us down?" He asked as he crossed his legs.

Mike took out the jar from his pocket and sat it on the night stand. "You guys, this is the stuff that attacked me." Mike motioned at the jar.

Zack and Anna looked at each other uncomfortably. "Are you okay?" Anna asked. "Do you need an Ativan?"

Mike shook his head and went into the bathroom connected to the guest bed room. He plundered through the cabinet and the one below the sink but couldn't find any thing to hold water in. He wet his hands in the sink and came back into the room. He undid the lid and flicked his hand over the opening. A drop of water fell to the red stuff and it immediately began to sizzle. Anna and Zack looked it over with astonishment.

"Is it acid?" Zack asked, reaching his hand out for the jar. Mike slapped it away.

"I don't know." Mike and the two stared at the happenings in the jar for a few more moments before the bubbling stopped. They waited for it to do something more but after a whole minute of looking intently at it, nothing more happened.

"I think you need an Ativan." Zack said with concern in his eyes.

"Wait..." Mike said as he went into the bathroom. As he wet his hands again he heard the bedroom door open. When he came back he saw Henry standing over the night stand, holding the jar and he didn't look happy.

"Where did you get this?" Henry asked.

Mike stood in the doorway and sighed. "That's the stuff that attacked me."

"Attacked you?" Henry said questionably. "This is fertilizer." He laughed as he put the jar in his pocket. Mike felt a chill run down his spine like an ice cube melting on his back.

"No..." Mike said in a small, disappointed voice.

"Fertilizer." Henry stated again. "This stuff can burn your skin off." He motioned at Mike's arm, where the red finger marks were still present and possibly infected.

"No." Mike said again. "Just put water on it! It will come alive!"

Anna shook her head and Zack put on his headphones again.

"Is there any more in the guest house?" Henry asked.

"Well..." Mike wasn't sure how to answer. "In the closet up in the bedroom on the second floor."

Henry laughed. "No wonder we were robbed. This stuff is propitiatory. New and cutting edge. Reacts with water so that the nitrates melt into the soil." He turned to leave the room. "I'll make sure to let the clean up crew to know to be careful."

Mike ran for the door but it was too late. Henry had already walked out and Anna got up and stood in front of him. Mike felt his brow grow heavy with sweat.

"I think you need to rest. It must have been something bad if you are acting up this way." She kissed him on the lips. "I don't know what I'd do if I was present during a burglary."

"Burglary..." Mike sighed. "Yeah."

Zack got up and stood above the two and hugged them both at once. "It's okay you wascally wabbit." Zack took off his head phones and then gave Mike a hug all his own. "I'll kick whoever's ass that robbed Mr. Shoemaker." He smiled. "That's a promise."

Anna put her hand on Zack's back and led him away from Mike, who was rolling his shoulders and twitching in his wrists. Mike had to leave. This was just too much.

"I think I want to spend the day at Nagget's..." Mike said slowly and with emphasis on Nagget's name.

Anna wrapped her arms around Mike's waist. "Let's go to church." She said as she let go of him. Mike stood there motionless for a few moments before letting out a loud, exaggerated sigh of disappointment.

"I really don't want to..." Mike couldn't believe that she would even ask after what had happened there the day before. He could still feel that searing hot spotlight on his face. Mike rolled his shoulders again, this time popping something in his back. It felt good and for a moment Mike forgot about his troubles. But after the calm that came from popping his back went away he was still in the same situation as before. He had no red goop to prove to the rest of them that he wasn't insane. Thankfully, he hadn't told them the whole story.

Mike walked over to the window in the bedroom that over looked the guest house and he saw that the CSI cops were hard at work on the small place of residence. Small being a relative term of course, the place was huge to him. Mike had grown up extremely poor and was always excited when he found out that he wasn't going to be sharing a room with fifteen people.

Mike thought of his brother, then thought about his mother, then he thought about eating some cheese. He was surprisingly hungry. He didn't know whether or not that it would be appropriate to ask for food at this time. Thinking rationally, he knew that it wouldn't be out of line seeing as he hadn't said anything about a toilet attacking him and he went for it.

"Do you have anything to eat?" Mike asked, rubbing his eyes. He had become tired all of a sudden and had to sit down.

"Want to see my dick?" Zack asked in his nicest voice and with a look of concern on his face. Anna through up her hands.

"Stop it." Anna said without patience. "Besides, I've seen it already."

This made Mike sit up and stare at his girlfriend. "You've seen it?"

Zack laughed.

Anna shrugged. "The boy will show anyone with boobs. I was curious after you said something about it."

Mike immediately felt small and helpless. He wondered if they had fucked.

"No." Anna shook her head. "We have never done anything if that's what your thinking." She went over to the bed and hugged Mike.

Zack was smirking by the window. "Yet." He said, laughing. "You have to remember Mike that no woman can resist the big D." He grabbed his crotch. "Girls dig big dicks."

"Yeah. You are a big dick." Anna said scornfully and stood up. "Mike if you're hungry let's go to Mary's Diner downtown."

"Mary's Diner?" Mike repeated stupidly. Was every woman in this town named Mary?

Anna smiled and bent over and kissed Mike on the forehead. "You hungry Zack?"

Zack smiled, baring his too small for his mouth teeth. "Always." He patted his non-existent belly. "But I'm afraid that I may be getting fat."

Mike felt his stomach and could feel some extra skin around his abdomen. "Fuck..." Was he gaining weight?

"What?" Anna had caught the obscenity.

"What?" Mike had already forgotten why he was being spoken to.

"Mary's Diner." Zack said as he went into the bathroom and closed the door. Mike didn't hear the door lock and decided that Zack had no shame what so ever. The thought made him feel a rumbling in his stomach. Not a hungry rumbling but one of stress. So Anna had seen what Mike was up against, yet she still wanted his six inch piece of his worthlessness? The thought made his eyes water.

Anna kissed him on the head again. "Well, I'm going to go get dressed. We still have a while before church. We can eat and decide what to do then." She smiled. "I'll be right back." She kissed him once more, this time on the lips. "Just gonna get dressed and get some cash from Daddy."

Mike nodded and she left the room. As she did the bathroom door opened with a slam and Zack jumped out with his pants and underwear at his ankles. His dick waving in the air like an albatross.

"Here's Johnny!" Zack said playfully to a room full of Mike. His intended audience was not present. Mike stared at it and Zack frowned. Beyond the doorway of the room that led into the hall was Consuelo. She stood at the door with a duster in her hand and a look of complete boredom on her face, as if she saw massive man things all the time.

Zack ran back into the bathroom and Consuelo walked away.

"Man..." Mike laughed. "You are a big dick!" Mike said with frustration.

"Bigger than yours!" Zack yelled defensively from beyond the bathroom door.

They sat in a booth at Mary's Diner looking over the sparse menus. They appeared to only have breakfast items and burgers. No burritos and no fish, Mike noted sourly. Anna sat by him on the left while Zack sat in the seat in front of them.

Zack looked at the menu and frowned. "No burritos."

Mike looked up and placed the menu on the table. "Yes! I know!" Zack smiled, knowing he had hit a button with his shorter friend.

Zack laughed and kept reading the menu. Anna had ordered Mike a coffee. He had been sipping on his second coffee since he finished the first a few minutes ago. Anna smiled. She knew that Mike had been ADD when he was little. When you had ADD or ADHD (Attention Deficit Disorder and Attention Deficit Hyperactive Disorder respectfully) you had what psychiatrist's would call a "paradoxical system". Meaning that things that made you go up made you go down and vice versa. Caffeine would calm such a person down while an opiate would make them hyper. Every time Zack gave Mike a few lines of coke he would promptly pass out. It was something she picked up on early in their relationship. That and that Mike was hypoglycemic. At least that's the story he gave her. She wondered if he sometimes just used that as an excuse to be rude. Then again, she could say the same about his Asperger's.

Mike was angry at himself for not putting more water in the jar when he had the chance. He could have both proved the story that he had yet to tell and, most likely, have caused some property damage.

Anna noticed Mike in deep concentration as he arranged the silverware and salt and pepper shakers on the table in front of them. Zack didn't seem to mind that Mike took his fork, spoon, and knife, and arrange them along with the other utensils in a long line shape across the table. Mike took a scoot back in his seat and examined the line of silverware in front of him. Then he began to tweak them slightly to make them even more aligned.

The waitress came by and smiled at the trio sitting before her. "Have you guys decided what you'll have?" She took the pen that had been idling on her ear and put the tip to the notepad she had in her hands. Mike looked up to her and rolled his shoulders. The name on the name tag said "Mary". Mike stifled a cry of amusement.

"I'll have eggs and bacon with the sausage links." Anna said as she gave her menu to the towering female waitress in front of her. The waitress wrote it down and pointed the pen toward Mike.

Mike swallowed and rolled his shoulders. "I'll just have some soup."

Mary smiled. "We have broccoli and cheddar and chicken noodle."

Mike looked at her as if it were obvious as to what he wanted. "Chicken noodle." He gave her his menu and focused again on the silverware before him.

Zack rested against the wall and had his arm on the table, as if in complete relaxation. "Hey." He said sweetly. "I'll have the blond in front of me."

Mary giggled. She wasn't horribly attractive. She was in her forties and had a few wrinkles to spare, but apparently pussy was pussy, and Zack wasn't picky. It could have been a female or a picture of a female posted on a wall, he would still fuck it. She caught herself and straightened out her spine and asked again. "What would you like to eat?"

Zack opened the menu and rubbed his chin as if to give off the impression that he was in deep thought. "I'll have the eggs and steak." He handed her the menu and when she reached out to take it he took her hand and kissed it. Mary was beside herself with giddiness. She wrote down Zack's order and nodded toward them.

"That'll be right up." Mary promised them and left for the counter. She got behind it and put the ticket up on the window to the kitchen. A large, fat balding man took the ticket and grunted.

Mike looked at the man in the window and rolled his shoulders. He was beefy and looked very sweaty for a food service provider. Hopefully he's heard of hand soap. He continued tweaking the finer details of where the silverware was laying.

Zack licked his lips. "I'll be right back." Mike thought about reminding him that he was, at least for the time being, with Mary Lin. He didn't really care, but he didn't want him to cause trouble with the town's female population.

Zack went up to the counter and started talking to Mary. Within a minute she was laughing hysterically and led him into the back. The man behind the kitchen window looked as if his nuts were being sawed off because he cringed as if he were in pain. Mike almost thought he was. But his expression returned to the normal "Duh" and went back to cooking.

Anna was not in the mood to worry about where Zack's dick was so she took a deep breath and counted back from ten. Then she turned to Mike and smiled.

"You're doing surprisingly well considering what happened last night." Anna said as she held Mike's hand underneath the booth.

Mike rolled his shoulders again. "Thanks. Ativan helps."

Anna frowned. "You could have been really hurt. Did that fertilizer burn your arm? Was that where those marks came from?"

Mike rolled his shoulders. "Yeah."

"What did the robber have it on his gloves or something?"

Mike looked at her with puzzlement. "How did you know he wore gloves?" Mike immediately felt stupid for buying into his own lie.

She smiled. "If I was going to rob somebody, I'd wear gloves."

Mike meekly smiled back.

After about two minutes of uncomfortable silence Zack came back and sat down in the booth. His shit eating grin showing off them terribly small teeth. It made Mike feel nauseous to his stomach.

"She was so hot I came on her left eye ball." Zack said with the air of the frat boys he so frequently bashed verbally.

"She wasn't that hot." Mike said as he sank back into his booth seat. Anna continued to hold onto his hand.

Zack laughed. "I'm going to get that on a t-shirt."

Anna let go of Mike and sipped on her diet soda. "Where would you even wear a shirt that said something like that?"

Mike rolled his shoulders. Zack took a long and reckless drink from his coffee. Feeling the burn, he flinched and shook all over for a second. "I'd wear it to preschools and church functions."

Anna laughed. "I see."

Mike, for a moment, felt a chemistry between the two. It made him shiver with fear. He had to change the subject or interject or something to make him a part of the conversation.

"I'd wear it." Mike said absently and suddenly became shy again. He looked over his work with the silverware and sneered, a tic that sometimes happened to him when he was especially stressed.

Anna took another sip of her drink. "You know Zack. Sometimes you can be pretty funny."

Zack sat back in his seat and smiled. "Funny enough to butt fuck you?"

Anna did a spit take, right onto Zack's flame print silk shirt. Zack retreated back into his seat and yelled "What the fuck!" The other diners in the diner looked back towards them. Mike noticed that they were all very old and dressed in suits and fine dresses. They were on their way to church. Didn't anyone in this town work?

Mike rolled his shoulders and coughed. He wanted more Ativan but it was in the car. He also wanted a smoke so he figured he'd kill two birds with one very big stone.

"Can I have the keys?" Mike asked Anna.

Anna nodded. "Sure." She grabbed them out of her purse and handed them to Mike. Mike got out of the booth seat and turned to leave for the entrance.

"I'll protect your vagina here." Zack said somberly as he reached over for Anna's hand. She scoffed and crossed her arms and looked the other way. Mike smiled and nodded, not sure what else to do, and left the diner.

Once in the parking lot, Mike took out his pack of dispearing cigarettes and took one from the package. He lit it and took a long, deep breath, dragging the cigarette more than a quarter of an inch. The rush of nicotine was immediate. He had to sit down. He got into the car by unlocking it via the little control on the keys. Mike sat down in the driver's seat and went into the glove department for his pills. When he found them he took them out of the glove box and opened the childproof lid.

With two pills in his hand he put them in his mouth and swallowed them dry. When he looked up and looked out the side window he saw Mary Lin standing next to the car. They were near the museum, sort of, so maybe this wasn't so crazy?

Mike put the keys in the ignition and turned the car on and rolled down the windows. Once they were down he killed the engine.

"Hey Mary." Mike said as he took a smoke from his cigarette and blew the smoke out by her side.

Mary Lin seemed troubled. "Hi Mike." She had a handkerchief in her hands and she twisted it, seemingly with intensity. "Have you seen Zack?"

"Of course." Mike said. "I live with him. I'm staying in the same room as he is now."

Mary Lin smiled but it faded just as quick as it had came. "I wanted to know why he hasn't called me?"

Mike knew that his part in the situation, as per instructions from Zack during meetings like this between him and girls that Zack has dicked, was to deny that anything was wrong and promise them that he would relay the message and Zack would call them back.

Mike began to repeat the script when she interjected. "I know he's fucking someone else." She said with a twitch of the right side of her lips. "I know he's fucking some..." She twisted the handkerchief to the point where Mike heard the fabric buckle and rip. "Some whore..."

Mike swallowed. "No." He said quickly. "He's been very faithful to you. I haven't seen him with anyone else. I swear." Mike smiled but she still held the same stern expression. Mike looked over and into the diner window and saw that Zack wasn't sitting in his seat, but was at the counter talking to the older (and probably looser) Mary. He rolled his shoulders.

"Where is he?" Mary Lin said through gritted teeth.

Mike looked ahead and thought fast. "He's in the diner debating our check. I'll go get him." Mike put the keys back into the ignition and rolled the windows up. Then he turned the car off and stepped out of the driver's side door and maneuvered by Mary Lin. He nodded to her and smiled, then went into the diner.

He walked up to Zack and tugged on Zack's shirt. "What do you want?" Zack turned to Mike and snarled. "I'm trying to get this bitch's phone number."

Mike felt confused. "She would fuck you but not give you her number?"

Zack smiled. "Yeah. She's a slut."

Mike rolled his shoulders and flapped his hands. "Mary Lin is outside." He said, looking out the window and they both saw Mary Lin standing, innocent looking, by the diner entrance outside of the door. She waved.

Zack looked over at the older Mary down the counter refilling the coffee of another patron and banged his fist lightly against the counter top. "Fuck." He sighed. "Okay..."

Mike instinctively followed Zack out to the front of the diner and stood by his friend and roommate. Part of him wanted to see what would be said so that he could corroborate the story if approached at a later time or date.

"Hey baby." Zack wrapped his arms around Mary Lin, who let him. "I've missed your salty tasting cooch." He said sweetly as he kissed her on the forehead.

Mary Lin giggled. "You mean that?"

Zack nodded. "I love the taste of your pussy."

Mary Lin smiled and gave a small laugh. "I am on break right now if..." She put a finger to her mouth and touched her lips playfully. Not even turning to Mike, Zack reached behind him and motioned for the keys to the car.

"Nah uh!" Mike said, shaking his head. "Last time you came in between the gear shift."

Zack turned around and looked puzzled. "It's an automatic."

"Oh." Mike shrugged and gave him the keys.

"Thanks." Zack said and escorted Mary Lin to Anna's car.

As Mike entered the diner he remembered, Anna had a stick shift.

Chapter 15

Mike paid dearly in a way for letting Zack's cum bleach out a spatter pattern on the dash board of Anna's car. He was told that he would not fuck her for a week. This was actually a load off of Mike seeing as he sometimes felt like it more of a chore anyways.. Almost a chore. Like a numbing routine where he pleasured himself at her expense. Besides, he was closer to Mrs. Right anyways.

To top it off, the thing that actually did sting, was that she told him that he had to go to church that morning in retribution. Mike wondered if she thought that him going to church would somehow make God forgive him for letting Zack get pussy juice on the steering wheel. Luckily Mike kept hand sanitizer with him at all times. And lucky for her, she thought, who knows what kinds of things live in that woman's vaginal secretions.

When they got to the church parking lot Mike let out a long and pained moan. Zack sat in the backseat with his hands behind his head, smirking as if he had just gotten away with stealing candy from a developmentally challenged toddler. Which he had been known to do, hence why the face reminded Mike of it.

Anna turned the car off and undid her safety belt. She was wearing a calm green dress and had her hair in an oriental bun. Complete with the knitting needles in it. She smiled at Mike, who looked very ill at the moment.

Mike moaned again. "Please don't make me do this..."

Zack slapped the back of Mike's head, seeming to snap him out of his funk and into a mild rage. That was at least until an angry Mike looked back and saw an even angrier Zack. Even if Zack's face was to mock Mike's, Mike still didn't want to push anyone who was bigger than he was. Although he did weight more than Zack, but that wasn't even a consideration in such things, Mike was pussy whipped by other male's height, despite any weight advantages he may have over them. Taller guys are just scarier and supposedly eat unborn fetuses. Mike believes he heard of Chris Evans doing such a thing on the set of Captain America.

The Offspring are a bunch of tall dudes, Mike remembered. He wished he had access to his ear buds so that he could listen to them on his phone during the sermon, but Anna had seen to that and hid them in her purse. Mike seethed with listless apathetic rage. What could he do? Overpower her? Right. Let's see that happen, Mike thought sadly.

Anna got out of the car first. Then followed by Zack, who walked down one door and opened Mike's. Mike reluctantly got out but made it sure that they saw the pained look on his face.

They led Mike to the entrance of the enormous white church and met Ronny up front where he was handing out programs to the others who came to the door. His face had been full of life and love until he saw Mike's brooding demeanor. He straightened up and cleared his throat.

"Nice to see you again." Ronny went to hug Mike but Mike fell backwards onto the cement sidewalk trying to escape Ronny's unwelcome touch. Mike let out an oomph and immediately checked his head for injuries before going to the rest of his body.

Zack laughed but Ronny and Anna gasped in shock and Anna went to help Mike up onto his feet.

"My ass is soooo sore!" Mike wined. Zack bit his lip and Anna couldn't help but give a snicker. The humor had been lost on Ronny, who shook his head and frowned.

"Are you okay?" Ronny asked. Mike winced at the pain in his bottom and put his hand over his ass and put pressure on the spot that had hit the pavement.

"I'm fine." Mike said, obviously not fine.

Ronny's face twisted in confusion. Anna smiled and he decided to do the same as well.

"I'm so happy you made it back." Ronny said, smiling as he gave Mike a flier.

"Reduced cost school lunches for our underprivileged youth, and the dangers that lie within" It said. Mike scoffed and tore it into four little pieces before tearing it some more and littering the ground with paper in an exaggerated gesture of anger. He just walked forcefully passed Ronny, who looked down at the shreds of paper he had worked so hard on, and went to the bathroom.

Ronny frowned. "I'm worried about him."

Anna laughed it off. "Well, Ronny..." She pointed to the flier. "What's wrong with giving kids food?"

Ronny perked up. "It's not them. It's that their parents are a drain on the system that God's chosen have worked so hard to maintain."

Zack tilted his head and said "Huh?"

Ronny smiled. "It will all be in the sermon."

Anna put her hand to her head and watched as Ronny handed the fliers to even more people who were going into the doorway.

"Why is it a drain?" Anna asked. "Mike's poor. He's on food stamps and financial aid."

Ronny practically hissed. "Financial aid? Oh my poor Mary." He held out his hands and put them Mary's shoulders. "You haven't received any aid from the government have you?"

Anna looked puzzled. "Um... No."

Ronny smiled. "That's a good girl."

Zack laughed. Anna brushed some hair from her face and sighed.

"Mike is obviously trying to make you into a God hating liberal." The way that Ronny said this seemed to be dripping in honey and the words moved just as slow towards Anna's ear. She couldn't believe what she had heard. "After all he is an atheist. I don't want you to be dammed for all eternity just because he has a cute face."

"What?" She snapped. Ronny put up his hands as if to say "sorry" and moved aside to let her pass him.

Mike met them at the front where Anna was sitting with her mother and father. Zack was in the back with Mary Lin, who had disclosed that anyone who attended church daily would get massive tax breaks. Mike thought this was horrible but Anna kept constant that this was a way for the community to bond and grow as a whole. Mike saw it as mass brain modification.

Anna was clearly upset at the day's sermon subject and Mike didn't want to bear the brunt of any scorn that may come as a result from it.

Cash town? Mike had never heard of such a thing. Why wouldn't any of the businesses take cash? Was something shady going on? Mike decided to asked Henry, who was praying when Mike interrupted him.

"Excuse me Mr. Shoemaker." Mike said as cordially as he could muster.

Henry didn't even open his eyes or break his prayer stance. "What Mitch?"

"Mike."

"What?" He opened his eyes and then closed them again.

"Matt."

"Matt." Henry said. "What is the problem Matt?"

Mike rolled his shoulders. "Why doesn't anyone take credit or debit cards in this town. I thought I'd ask you since you are the first selectman and all..."

Henry's eyes shot wide open and he broke his hands into two separate entities and looked Mike in the eyes. "We work hard to make sure that big government doesn't monitor or mess with us too much." He went back to praying and Mike wasn't sure if that answer was satisfactory enough. He turned to Anna, who was still biting her lip in anger over the sermon's subject.

"Why doesn't any place here take cards?" Mike asked her.

"What?" Anna broke from her concentration. "What's that honey?" She ran her fingers throught Mike's short dirty brown hair.

"Why can't you use a debit card in this town."

She looked up toward the ceiling for a moment, as if to ask God for the answer, and looked back down into his eyes. "You know, I don't know. When I left here a few years ago you could." She closed her eyes and put her hands into prayer position. "I assume it's because of the incident a few years ago when some out of towners took the town's people for a good two million dollars."

"Really?" Mike asked, astonished at the very large number.  
Anna put her hands down and sighed. "Actually, I made that up. I don't know why Mike. I don't even think I know my father anymore." She had a twinkle of a tear in her eyes and Mike wanted to make sure that he was no where near her when the waterworks started. Not that he was crass or anything. Not that he couldn't handle it. Actually no... He couldn't. When people started crying near him he receded into himself like a folding lawn chair.

"I'm going out for a smoke." Mike said as he got up.

"But service is about to start." Anna said, not wanting him to leave her.

"From what time to what time?"

"Now for an hour." She said sedately.

"Then I'll be back in an hour." Mike said and abruptly left.

Henry Shoemaker shook his head. "Why couldn't you have nagged yourself a real American man like Zack back there?" He looked back and beamed with pride at the sight of Zack sticking his tongue in Mary Lin's ear.

"Ugh!" Anna uttered and continued to pray.

Mike went outside and followed the pathway into the park next to the church. There was a nice little park next to it and it led into the surrounding pine tree forest. Mike walked slowly from the church door and into the parkway sidewalk. His hands were in his pocket as he walked with his head down, following the pavement. He took out his pack of Pall Mall's and got a cigarette from it. He lit it and took a long drag in. Then exhaled the smoke into the pristine mountain air all around him. Mike never could make rings or anything cool with his smoke like Zack could. Yet another thing that Zack was better at than Mike. Fucking Aryan commie.

Mike looked back at the church and scoffed. He then turned back and led himself down into the park. He saw a gazebo a ways down the trail and could see a large white guy with long gray white hair and a yellow and red Hawaiian button up shirt on. As he got closer he could see that it was Nagget.

Mike smiled for the first time that day. He walked up to the seat at the table under the gazebo and met a famished looking Nagget, who was snarfing down a Reuben sandwich hungrily.

Samich, Mike thought playfully.

"Hey you." Mike said as he sat down in front of the book peddler. Nagget smiled and motioned to his mouth as if to say it was full of meat and sauerkraut. Mike nodded and let the man finish what was in his eating hole.

Nagget swallowed and took a sip from the sweating can of highly refreshing and energizing Coca-Cola® brand beverage that sat by his paper plate-O-samich. He cleared his throat. "Why isn't it the little Aspie that could." He stretched out his hand and without even thinking, Mike took it and shook the man's large, meaty finger thinger.

Mike smiled. "Hi, Mr. Nagget."

The large man chuckled. "Were you conned into going to that organized baby killing factory?"

Mike was puzzled. "Do you mean church? Because you told me that they closed down planned parenthood."

The man laughed again. "I meant church. I only said baby killing because of the story in the bible when the Pharaoh killed all the babies in Egypt thinking he'd nab Christ in the process.

Mike smiled even wider at this. "Yeah. Can you believe that they are now talking about the dangers of school funded lunches for poor families?"

Nagget scowled. "I'm probably the poorest person in this burg."

Mike rolled his shoulders. "I'm on food stamps myself."

Nagget slapped his knee and whistled in good humor. "I've never met me an honest to God government moocher in this town before." He slapped his knee again and let out a loud laugh, sort of like a gaffaw but with more bass. Mike could only wish for such a baritone register.

"I'm not technically from here so..." Mike trailed off. Looking into the pine forest before him. "Ever go into the parks here?"

Nagget took another bite of his sandwich and shook his head. "Some strange things happen in those woods." He wiped his mouth with a cloth napkin and put the mostly eaten sandwich back onto the paper plate.

Mike looked around as if he didn't want anyone to hear what he was about to say. "Can I ask you something?"

Nagget nodded and took a drink from his can of sweet yet satisfying soda drink.

"What do you know about this red stuff that appears here and there around this place?"

"Red stuff?" Nagget dropped his can and it spilled onto the pavement below him. He didn't seem to mind not one bit, he was in shock it looked like. Mike cleared his throat.

"Yeah. I found some on the tip of a hose at church then brought it home. The stuff reacted to water. Mr. Shoemaker said it was fertilizer." Mike raised his wounded arm. "I got these marks when something burned me last night."

Nagget wiped at his mouth with the cloth napkin frantically, as if the cleanliness of his lips meant his survival in the immediate future.

Nagget looked around too, as if he knew somebody was out there, listening. "I've seen the stuff." He motioned for Mike to look at his leg. He raised his jean pant leg and showed Mike a large, healed burn mark stretching from Nagget's knee to his shin. "Doctor too told me that it was fertilizer..."

Mike tilted his head to the side. "But?"

Nagget looked over his shoulders and whispered. "But the truth is that I found some of that red crap on my lawn once. I threw water on it to wash it away but it just bubbled and grew into a small cat instead. A red cat. Fucker spit the shit on my leg and you could see muscle. Damned thing ran from me before I could catch it." Nagget looked pained. "Still don't matter however. I doubt I could of caught it anyways." He picked up the can from his foot.

"What is it?" Mike asked quietly.

"I don't know. I told the doctor and the cops but they laughed me off as a pot smoking hippie." He came in closer. "Did you get a chance to catch some of it?"

Mike shook his head. "Mr. Shoemaker took the jar with it away from me and just told me that it was proprietary stuff. He said that people are always trying to steal it. Fucking toilet came alive with the shit last night and attacked me!" He raised his arm with the five finger shaped wounds on it. "Fucking thing sprouted legs from the fucking toilet and chased me out of the guest house!"

Nagget put his hand on Mike's. Mike immediately drew away. "Sorry." Nagget shook his head. "Forgot. So what did you tell them?"

Mike shrugged. "Couldn't tell them the truth..." Mike rolled his shoulders. "I said a burglar came in and trashed the place." Mike coughed into his hand. "I would go back to the looney bin if I said anything even close to the truth."

Nagget nodded. "I know... I suppose I'm just an old fuddy duddy."

Mike laughed at this. He hadn't heard anyone call themselves that since he was in grade school.

Nagget was wholly serious however. "What I think. You wanna hear what I think?"

"What?" Mike asked earnestly.

Nagget lowered his voice. "I think it's alien stuff."

Mike shook his head. "Impossible. I think it's some sort of science shit."

Nagget scoffed. "You know anyone in this town who wouldn't say science is the devils work?"

Mike immediately brought to mind the face of Ronny. Such a God fearing man. Mike wanted to suck him through a straw and spit him over a mountain's ledge. Mike rolled his shoulders and flapped his hands below the plastic table.

"I still think it's science stuff." Mike said.

Nagget shook his head. "Remember me saying that the forest is a strange place?"

Mike nodded.

Nagget continued. "Well I've lived here for a long time now. I remember when Anna was a little girl coing to me for her Harry Potter books. That was of course before this town went nuts and burned all the books in the vicinity that had anything to do with black magic." Nagget spit over his side and scoffed. "At least they paid."

Mike shook his head in disbelief. "They paid and then burned the books?"

Nagget laughed. "The selectmen and the citizens may hate what I sell, but they're all about small businesses. In fact, nobody pays sales tax anymore in this town."

Mike nodded. "No one takes debit cards either. Just cash."

"It's not like we can't anymore." Nagget said shyly. "Mr. Shoemaker penalizes those who use any form of internet. Including if you use it to make a transaction."

Mike just thought about how he hadn't been on the internet since getting there. He looked down at his phone and noticed that his bars were nil (again) in the area he was in. "Damn." Mike said.

"What?" Nagget asked and took the last bite of his sandwich.

Samich, Mike chuckled.

Mike straightened up as he sat. "No bars here." He looked towards the church, squinting at the sun in his eyes.

"That's the least of your worries." Nagget wiped his mouth again for the final time with his cloth napkin. The red piece of cotton cloth had seen better days, it was stained and filthy with grease and mouth juice. "Remember what I said about the woods?"

Mike nodded again, quiet and eager to listen.

"Anyways, a few years ago, in fact just after your girlfriend left for college." Nagget put the napkin in his pants pocket. "There was a show of falling stars in the sky. I swear to you it looked and felt like one of them struck out in the woods out over by the church. Ever since then it's been all right wing ideology and book burning."

Mike bit his lip, anything to keep him from laughing. Not only had this man insisted that aliens were behind the red goop, but aliens also had something to do with the way the town voted.

"Republicans from outer space?" Mike laughed. He put his hand to his head and rested on the other elbow.

Nagget laughed too. "I know it's stupid." He shook his head. "I can't believe it even came out of my mouth."

Mike laughed along and looked back toward the church. He saw a tall figure looming in the distance. The person had on a manilla outfit with black trousers. He wasn't sure, but the figure looked familiar. What or whomever it was, it, he, whatever was walking toward them. As the figure came closer Mike squinted and saw that it was that big old stupid cop that had harassed him the other day and the night before.

Officer Arms came up to the gazebo and crossed his arms. He chewed his tobacco furiously, as if chewing harder would make the two people in front of him disappear. The officer spit next to Mike's leg.

Nagget shook his head. "Albert."

The officer stopped chewing for a moment and tilted his head. "The name is Arms, Mr. Nagget." He walked up by where Mike sat and towered over the tiny autistic.

Mike rolled his shoulders and flapped his hands, despite the fact that it drew attention to him.

Arms spat by Mike's other leg. "Why are you twitching shorty?" He put his hand on Mike's shoulder. "On any mind altering drugs that I should know about?" Mike tried to maneuver his hand away from him but the officer planted his palm directly onto his right shoulder. Mike squirmed but the officer's hand stayed firm.

"Just heavy duty psychotropic medications." Mike said as rolled his shoulders the best he could, but Arms' hand kept it from making a full rotation.

"What are you two doing out of church on this..." Arms spat by Mike's leg again, a little bit of spittle hung from his mouth but he wiped it from his mouth. "wonderfully bright day." He adjusted his shades and smiled.

Mike croaked, which made both Nagget and Arms look down his way.

Nagget put his hands together as if to pray, but instead said "What are you harassing us for?"

"Not harassing." Rennings laughed. "Just doing a quick shake down. Feller here is a suspect in a burglary." Arms looked down at Mike, who in turn looked shocked and dismayed.

"I'm a suspect?" Mike asked, eyes wide.

"Don't think for one second you can get all your city friends to help you on this one kid." Arms said as he chewed. "I know you're up to no good. Hanging out with..." He motioned towards Nagget. "what are you two doing out of church?"

"I'm an atheist." Mike said absently, finally able to shake Arms' hand from his shoulder.

Arms whistled. "So you wouldn't have a problem trashing Mr. Shoemaker's guest house would ya?" Arms poked Mike in the back with his stubby, fat forefinger. "Would you mister 'I don't believe in God because I'm a heathen'?"

Mike rolled his shoulders and looked to Nagget for help. Nagget seemed to be calm and looked as if he was used to such harassment. "Why don't you leave the kid alone, Arms."

Rennings smiled. "You wouldn't be holding now, would you Nagget?"

"It's completely legal in Colorado. It's a state law. You can't do shit."

Arms spat next to Mike's leg. "Marijuana is still illegal if you go by the federal laws."

Nagget laughed. "What state court would uphold it?"

"What if I called in the Feds and tipped them off about your little..." Arms paused for dramatic effect. "greenhouse."

Nagget laughed. "Six plants is does not constitute a greenhouse."

Rennings shifted where he stood. "If I were to pat you down. Would I find anything that isn't supposed to be there?"

Nagget dug into his pocket. He drew out a white and red card. "I have a license. You can't do shit."

"What about assaulting an officer?" Arms asked.

"Assaulting an officer?" Mike asked, looking up at Arms.

"I can say anything I want." Arms said and spat next to Mike's leg, a large brown puddle forming next to his foot. "If you were to piss me off I could do what ever the fuck I wanted to." He pulled a baton from his holster and pointed it at Nagget. "The investigation..." His baton now pointed at Mike's head from above. "is still ongoing."

Arms spat one more time into the puddle by Mike's leg and began to walk away.

Mike rolled his shoulders and looked back. The large officer had gone halfway to the church by now. "It's not a law to not go to church."

Nagget scoffed. "See what I mean? One night there are them shooting stars, then he comes down on anyone who doesn't fit in. He's been on my ass for some time now. He tried to arrest me before on various stupid charges but my lawyer always debunked the shit out of his stories. The man has it out for me."

Mike laughed. "An officer against hippies? Who would of thunk it?" But his laughter was short lived. Hadn't the officer said he was a suspect in the investigation?

Nagget shook his head. "Don't worry. I have the best defense in Colorado. He can handle anything that man can throw at you."

Mike felt nervous. He saw the figure of Arms walk into the massive white siding and red brick church building. Mike put his head in his hands.

Nagget took out a cigarette and lit it.

Mike looked up and smiled. "Can I have one of those?"

Nagget smiled back and nodded. "Of course." He pulled a cigarette from his pack and handed it to Mike. "Let's light to stinking baby shit cops." He extended his hand out toward the cigarette in Mike's mouth and used the lighter in his hand to light it. Mike took in a long draw and felt his lungs fill with the slightly burning sensation of tobacco smoke. He exhaled and tapped the ash onto the brown puddle next to his foot. It hissed as it dissolved into the putrid tobacco spit. Mike felt nauseous.

Nagget took a puff and continued. "I think..." He ashed onto the yellow plastic table. "I think that that red stuff has something to do with this all."

Mike felt stupid. He got up. "I just think that this town is whack and that what ever I saw, I didn't." He felt extremely threatened by the officer. "Maybe I did just see something that wasn't there..."

Nagget huffed in another long smoke and blew it out. "I think you need to open your eyes man. Things are going on in this town. I don't know what it is just yet." He held out his hand and grabbed Mike's from under the table. "But whatever it is, we have to do something." Mike nodded, then realized that Nagget was caressing his hand.

Mike took his hand back and stood up. He rolled his shoulders. "I'm not into you that way."

Nagget looked offended. "What? Sorry if I came off like that. I know you have a girlfriend."

Mike frowned.

"Even if you are just the cutest little thing." Nagget said under his breath and crumpled up the paper plate he had been eating off of and stood up and went over to the trash can by the entrance of the large wooden gazebo that surrounded the two men and threw away his trash.

Mike exhaled some of the smoke that had been taking up residence in his lungs. He felt stupid, silly, and just over all off center because of everything that had been going on. Was this real? Was he experiencing real life? The finger marks on his arm ached. It was real enough. Mike put his head in his hands and started crying.

"What's wrong?" Nagget asked in between tokes. "He can't do shit. I promise."

"No..." Mike wiped the tears from his eyes. "It's just that nothing makes sense. This whole meeting with you seemed to come from the awkward imagination of some great writer in the sky." He laughed bitterly.

"Thank God." Nagget giggled. "Great writer in the sky. Sure." They both laughed as David McGhee typed these very words onto his boyfriend's computer using the free word processing software Open Office®, available for free download at http://www.openoffice.org, (making words fun again!) He was consciously biding his time with droll conversation and non-sequiturs until he could get to the parts of the story where Mike was in real physical danger.

"Excellent..." David snickered as he rubbed his hands together contemplatively.

Chapter 16

Mike lay in bed fully clothed, being hugged and cuddled by a speedo sporting Zack who was in mid-slumber when Mike stirred and got out of his grasp. He got out of the bed and rubbed the sleep from his eyes. Mike looked down at Zack who lay before him and saw that he was only half covered by the large and comfortable comforter. Mike pulled it up to Zack's mouth and pat him on the head. His hair was soft with conditioner that Zack had boosted from Anna's room. Mike didn't know why the man conditioned his hair, he just gelled it up in the morning anyways.

Mike wanted a cigarette. The CSI had came and gone and an officer had told Mr. Shoemaker that it would take a few days before they could process the results. They had been busy the past week with a double homicide down in the neighboring town. Apparently two meth heads had been playing uno and... Well things just got a little out of hand. The third man was either missing or had been killed and dumped in the woods.

Mike thought about the woods, then about Nagget again. Aside from the fact that he had gently caressed Mike's soft and supple hand, he had instilled something in Mike that made him infinitely curious to see what he had been talking about.

Mike walked over to the window and looked out into the vast stretch of wilderness. He wondered what it had been that had prompted Nagget to be so adamant about the strangeness of the area. He squinted into the darkness, trying to make figures out of the sprawling black nothingness before him.

Mike yawned and Zack stirred in the bed. Mike froze, not wanting the man to awaken and make his night into a shit sandwich made of nightmare fuel. But Zack just smacked his lips and turned over to his other side. He was snoring within seconds of the shuffle.

Mike breathed a sigh of relief and took the pack of cigarettes from the dresser drawer. He put a cigarette between his lips and almost lit it, before he realized what he was about to do. He took the cigarette from his mouth and looked down at his feet. He saw in an old Disney fitness cartoon that featured a sportsmen like Goofy that if you could see your feet when you looked directly down your chest, then you were thin. Mike could see his feet in the darkness just fine. The only luxury he partook in Zack's presence when he slept with him was that he took off his socks. Mike's feet were sort of pudgy despite his thin frame. Mike wished he had boney jelly feet like Zack. Instead he suffered from toebesity. Obesity of the toes. At least that's what the internet said.

Just another thing he's better at... Mike thought ruefully. He went to the side of the bed and put the cigarette on the night stand. He put back on his socks that were by the bed and then slid on his Converse shoes. He took the unlit cigarette and walked to the door. He opened it gently but no matter how much care he put into the action, it still creaked and moaned like an arthritic grandmother being poked with a fork. The image that came to mind made Mike snicker.

Zack rustled. Mike stood in the open doorway and slowly pushed the door closed. He stood next to the door with his ear to it but didn't hear any further movement. Mike sighed with relief and walked down the stairs and into the kitchen. He opened the back door and felt a chill run through the kitchen, making goose-bumps appear en' mass all over his exposed flesh. Mike was wearing a short sleeve shirt and up until then it had been appropriate. Mike hated that Colorado's weather changed faster than his mood sometimes. Before it had been somewhat warm, even at night, but now it was chilly and windy outside. Mike trudged through and walked out into the back yard and over toward the guest house.

Halfway there Mike lit his cigarette. He stood at the guest house front door and smoked it to about half and then put it out on the concrete door step. He then put the cigarette back into the pack and put that back into his pants pocket.

Mike tried the door but it was locked. That was a first. The CSI team must have locked the door. Mike walked around and looked through the living room window. What he saw defied his sensibilities. Everything had been put back into place. Did they fix the place or take evidence? Mike tried to push up on the window to no avail. Then he walked over to the one on the other corner of the house and it budged up until half way before stopping. Mike stuck his head into the opening and saw that there was a nail in side of the window, obviously to deter people from opening it up all the way.

Mike walked back to the kitchen and as he entered he immediately felt bathed in the central heating of the mansion. He walked over to the drawers over by the large industrial sink. He knew that he had seen some work tools by there and looked in the drawers that weren't locked for something to fix that nail. Mike found a hammer in a drawer full of plastic silverware. He took the hammer from it but immediately felt as if he had to straighten things out. He put the hammer on the counter and started to arrange the silverware in the drawer. Then it dawned on him, why would they have plastic silverware? Nothing would surprise him anymore. But he couldn't stop himself. He was flapping his hands and rolling his shoulders in between opening drawers and putting things in proper order. At least proper according to him.

He went from drawer to drawer and settled the contents in order of size and use.

The kitchen light came on. Mike froze where he stood above the cabinet by the stove. He looked over at the kitchen door leading into the dining room and saw Consuelo. The short maid was in a pink nightgown slash mu mu. She looked at Mike then at the cabinets and then back and walked over to him. She looked up at him and into his eyes and put her hand on his.

"No... No..." She said slowly. Then she turned to the drawer and opened the one next to where Mike was. She looked into it and seemed appalled at what she had found. The contents of the drawer, mostly larger kitchen utensils, seemed to be a miss match. She started to use Mike's system of biggest to smallest and arranged them. Then it seemed that both Consuelo and Mike were walking around the kitchen organizing things.

There was a knock at the door of the kitchen. Mike and Consuelo looked back over their shoulders and saw Anna smiling by the door. She was wearing the white night gown that she had on earlier that day. She laughed and walked over to where Mike was. Mike continued doing what his compulsion told him to do. He loudly arranged the utensils and was about to go onto the drawer next to him when she put her hands on his. Mike looked up and had tears in his eyes. Consuelo took no notice and continued to order up the kitchen.

Anna led Mike into the dining room. "What's going on?" She asked with concern in her voice.

Mike wiped his eyes and cleared his throat. "I'm sorry." He cried softly. "I just couldn't... It was all just laying there and I... I don't know why I do the things I do sometimes."

Anna smiled and raised his hand in hers and kissed the backside of his palm. "It's okay." Her voice soothed Mike's nerves and he buried his head into her breasts. She patted his back and shushed him to quiet his sniffles.

Mike wiped his eyes again and then looked up into her eyes. He smiled and led her back into the kitchen and to the large metal table where the deli slicer was and took the hammer. Anna looked at Mike doubtfully.

"Do you have keys to the guest house?" Mike said, brandishing the hammer back and forth in his hand below his waist.

Anna felt slightly nervous, but she knew that, in the end, Mike was harmless. "What do you mean?" She asked.

Mike smiled despite himself. "I want to see something."

Anna shook her head. "No. Daddy has them."

Mike raised the hammer. "Would you mind if I put my mind at ease?"

She looked at the hammer. "As long as it doesn't result in property damage."

Mike took her and led her passed Consuelo, who was still putting things in order from largest to smallest in the drawers, and out onto the front steps of the guest house. He then took her to the half open window on the side of where the living room was. He slinked half of his upper torso into the opening and used the two pronged side of the hammer to take out the nail. Then he threw the hammer onto the grass and went through the open window. Anna stood in the cold for a few moments, rubbing her sides for warmth, when Mike came up behind her and goosed her in the ass with his hands.

"What the hell Mike!?" She almost yelled but instead said sternly, if not as quietly as she could.

Mike smiled. "Come with me." She followed him into the house and up the stairs. He opened the bedroom door and turned on the light. No doubt a lot of work went into making everything back to the way it was, Mike couldn't believe such a feat could be accomplished so fast when the room had looked like a monster toilet hand monster had ravaged it from the floor boards up. Mike was sure thought that they wouldn't of had time to completely redo the carpet.

Mike went into the closet and held up his hand to find the light switch that hung down from the bulb. He found it and pulled it down, resulting in an illuminated closet. Anna, with her arms crossed and a worried look on her face, followed Mike into it.

Mike got down on his knees where the stain had been. Now it was just a huge brown spot. He felt the individual carpet strands for any sign of stickiness. There wasn't a red spot amongst the brown. Mike sighed.

"What are you looking for?" Anna asked, worry heavy in her voice.

Mike got up and rubbed the sleep away from his eyes, which did no good. He was still super tired and didn't want to think anything through any further than what could possibly be a thought that led him back to the house and into Zack's arms.

The thought made Mike roll his shoulders.

Anna put her hand on the small of his back and led him out of the room and into the stairwell. Mike's eyes watered. "I know I saw something..." He mumbled. Anna shushed him and they went down the stairs one after the other. They were halfway back to the house when Mike suddenly stopped in the middle of the back yard and looked back toward the looming and horrible place of toilet monsters. He wasn't even sure if he had seen and experienced the walking poop eating contraption the night before. It was all just fading into a slight delirium and Mike couldn't help but laugh before turning back to see Anna already in the doorway. She was rubbing her eyes and trying to stay awake just as Mike was.

They were losing the war on wakefulness and he went back into the kitchen door. It shut and they disappeared within the mansion walls.

Outside, a stranger looked out from the woods and at the large mansion. Then several other eyes were on the house. Then a hundred. All of them within the darkness of the wilderness beyond the back yard. Within the pine tree forest, things made movements and leaves rustled. Some things were watching them.

Mike awoke to an empty bed. He heard the shower on in the bathroom and could make out the words to The Dammed's "Smash it up" which were being sung off key over the roaring shower. Mike sat up and clutched the comforter to his chest. The shower went off but the singing still went on.

"Smash it up!" Zack crooned from beyond the bathroom door. Mike got up, still dressed (including socks, he hadn't bothered to take them off the night before) and walked over to the dresser where his cigarettes were. He pulled open the drawer and took them from their place next to Zack's pack. He knew that his had at least ten more cigarettes in it. Zack chain smoked so he was always running low it seemed.

Mike wished he could smoke in the house. In fact he had never even asked if such a thing would be a possibility. He already knew the answer however. Mike felt a sigh escape him and he went back over to the bed and sat down. His phone was charging on the nightstand and he unplugged it and checked it for messages. Nothing. Mike put it in the pocket opposite of which was occupied with his tobacco death sticks.

Mike must have been there for a few minutes because Zack opened the bathroom door and let a gush of steam escape into the cool room. He had a wet pink towel around his waist and a pink towel around his head like a turban. He sauntered in, this time humming an Agent Orange tune, dancing to the guitar progressions. Mike noticed Zack's boney toes protruding from his wide size thirteen feet and felt serious guilt for not having skinnier toes for Anna.

Zack through off the towel and shook his ass to the music in his head, and went through the dresser by the bed for some underwear. Mike knew that he wore Speedo's to bed just to fuck with the people around him. When he was in a normal day to day dress, he wore boxer briefs. Zack found a gray pair and turned around to put them on, showing Mike the full Monty.

Mike turned away and got up.

"You need to change and take a shower." Zack said in between his shredding of the punk classics. "Like now."

Mike rolled his shoulders. "I don't feel like getting naked."

Zack put on a shirt and some blue jeans and found some socks in Mike's bag. "Do you mind?" He asked as he raised a pair in front of Mike's face. Mike used his hand to push the pair of clean socks away from his face and nodded.

"They're six to twelve in size." Mike said absently.

Zack shrugged. "They'll do."

"Didn't you bring socks?"

Zack smiled. "I wanted to take something that was yours."

Mike threw up his hands and got up. He walked over to the bathroom and locked the door behind him. He could hear Zack singing some old Suicidal Tendencies song from across the large wooden door that separated the two rooms. He put the toilet lid up and started peeing in the bowl. As he finished he felt himself shiver for whatever reason that caused men to shiver when they pissed. Mike called it the piss shivers, Zack called it the Mike shivers.

He washed his hands and opened the door. He saw that Zack had put on his large and comfortable looking black leather jacket. It had various pins and buttons all over the front of it and there was a Sub-Humans patch on the back, standard punk issued of course. On the shoulders were spikey studs that Mike knew hadn't come with the jacket, that was all Zack's handiwork.

"What's with the jacket?" Mike asked silently, paying more attention to Zack's sock clad feet. His socks. His socks that weren't supposed to fit him but did anyways, as if to say "FUCK YOU MIKE! FUCK YOU AND YOUR CAPITAL FUCK YOU!" Mike rolled his shoulders.

Zack laughed. "Look outside man."

Mike crossed his arms for warmth and went to the window. It had been fogged up and when Mike rubbed the dew off the glass he saw a winter wonderland before him. It had snowed the night before. Apparently a few inches after Anna had put him back to bed.

"Fucking Colorado." Mike hissed.

Daniel got to the town's entrance and stopped his car to admire the snow strewn scenery before him. Then, nothing to due with this author's laziness or anything, he had a heart attack and died. Poor Daniel. His body was found an hour later by a local crack head, who, before reporting this to the local authorities, smoked some crack. You know, because he's a crack head. That's sort of what they do.

Anna had dressed in a nice blue pants suit and a blond colored blouse. She was looking into her closet for a suitable jacket to go along with what she had on when Mike stepped into the door way and knocked on the wall beside it.

"Knock, knock." Mike said meekly. Anna stuck her head out of the closet door and smiled before plunging back into her wares. Mike had put on his green jogger's hoodie and was still sort of cold. The heat was off now for some reason, or at least it was in this side of the mansion. Mike shivered.

Anna took out a large, plush gray trench coat. "I think this would fit you better than it would me." She said with a smile and handed it to Mike. Mike smiled in return and peeled off his black and red Pennywise hoodie, throwing it onto her already made bed. He put the trench coat on and it was just snug as could be on him. It was like it had been tailored to his frame. He could see how it could be a little big on Anna. Even though she was the same height she wasn't exactly filled out like Mike was. Mike may be a small guy but he had broad shoulders that carried any shirt or jacket he wore with great strength and exuberance. Mike, wearing the trench coat, went into the closet and hugged Anna from behind. She giggled and put her hands on Mike's interlocking hands. They swayed for a moment before Mike let go. She pushed aside some more clothing and came upon a oversized denim jacket.

She put it on. "You like?" Anna asked. The jacket covered her down until the shins. It was almost like a trench coat itself, but it was just a large jacket made no doubt for a man of basketball player height.

"Where did you get that?" Mike asked, admiring his trench coat as he did so.

"It was my Dad's." She said with pride. She closed the closet door to reveal a person sized mirror on the other side. Mike didn't say anything more about it. Unless she brought it up again the origins of said jacket had been dutifully stated. Once Mike heard a story he didn't care for it to be repeated again. He went to her window and looked out onto the white landscape outside.

Anna came over to him and took his hand. "Isn't it crazy?"

Mike nodded. He took out his cell phone and saw that even in the mansion, he had no more bars. "Do you have bars?" He asked Anna absently.

She went over to her nightstand and looked at her iPhone 6©, which anybody with a hectic modern lifestyle would find fun, exciting, and useful in this fast paced society of ours. Plus it played Angry Birds. "No." She said with an exaggerated sigh. "I had some last night."

Mike shrugged. "Must be the snow." He looked back down onto the back yard and saw the guest house from the angle at which he stood. It loomed in front of him like an evil presence. That brown spot had once been red, he thought to himself. What had happened? What had cauterized the red spot?

Zack came into the door and flopped himself onto Anna's king sized mattress and spun like an air sick fish. He settled down after a second and lay on his stomach with his head in his hands, smiling at the two lovers.

"Did you know that having sex three times a week or so actually staves off prostate cancer?" Zack said as he blew a kiss to Anna. Anna crossed her arms and shook her head.

"You must have the prostate of a champ huh?" Anna said sarcastically. Zack laughed and Mike rolled his shoulders. Mike went back to the window and continued to stare out into the forest beyond the guest house. Nagget's words rang through his head, some strange stuff going on in them woods.

"What?" Zack and Anna asked in unison. Mike must of said something out loud.

"Nothing." Mike dismissed whatever he had said and walked back to the door of the room, on his way out to smoke. He stopped at the door and turned around. Anna was looking at him as he opened his mouth and almost asked her if she'd bring him back over to the guest house. He decided against it and left Zack and Anna by themselves in her room. Mike was pretty sure they weren't going to tear off each other's clothes and fuck. At least he assumed that would not happen. It's not like Zack would fuck his only reason for functioning day to day. Sperm... He felt better thinking this and walked down the stairs, into the dining room, and then into the kitchen on his way to the back yard. Consuelo was now cleaning the kitchen with her trusty copper Brillo® brand scrubbing pad (the only one you should fucking have!) and some cleaner. She hadn't changed into her maid outfit yet and Mike wondered if she had been down here all night and morning.

He shrugged the thought away and went out the back door. Once outside he lit his cigarette and blew the smoke into the direction of the guesthouse. He wasn't crazy, he'd been tested. The thought made Mike wonder if he had been hallucinating or in a waking dream or something, something to explain the burning finger marks on his arm. As he smoked he looked into the woods, peering through the first few rows of trees, as if he expected to see something pop out. But nothing did. He just saw layer upon layer of pine trees.

Mike sighed and inhaled some more cancer smoke.

The weather went from whimsical winter day to full blown blizzard by noon. Mike hadn't gone to church but today he had gotten Anna to skip with him. Zack brought along Mary Lin, who was in a somber mood, which was unusual. Usually she was full of giddiness and constantly praised Zack's sexual prowess and whip smart wit. Today she just seemed like she was preoccupied and out of it. She had made frequent bathroom trips while they ate at Joe's, which they did so because Mary Lin could eat there for half price.

Zack put one arm around Mary Lin and the other held a drink. Mike and Anna sat in front of them, staring out of the front door window at the snowy scene that just wouldn't stop. It was getting heavier and heavier. In Anna's car they had heard how the pass was blocked out and Mike wondered if this town had it's own radio station. Anna assured him that Goodington wasn't that cool. Mike, resigned and at least grateful that it wasn't raining, slunk back into his chair. Normally the threesome had food served to them as they sat parallel in a booth. This time they sat in plain old chairs. Mike nursed his coffee as he contemplated the meaning of the marks on his arm. Anna was talking to Mary Lin, who in turn was just nodding and half heartedly smiling when ever Anna said something funny.

Zack seemed oblivious to Mary's sad demeanor and kept on shoving fries in his mouth.

Mike stared outside at the mounting snow so long that figures popped up from the whiteness and danced with the flurries. Mike was almost catatonic when Anna broke him from his stupor. When he lowered his gaze he saw Mary Lin crying into Zack's shoulder and Zack looking white and blue, as if all the oxygen in his blood had bubbled up and left him through his wide mouth.

His too small teeth. Mike felt better about himself in that respect. At least he had a normal mouthful of chewing and tearing thingers.

However Mike probably didn't want to be Zack right now. Zack was almost peeling her off of him and looking over at Anna and Mike as if he were asking for help for a very serious problem.

"What's wrong?" Mike asked. Zack stomped on his foot.

"Nothing's wrong." He said sternly then faced Mary again.

Anna tugged at Mike's trench coat. "Mary Lin said she missed her period."

"Why didn't you use a condom?" Mike asked, surprised and alarmed at the news. Then he realized that what he had just said shouldn't have been said so publicly. Mike immediately shrank back into his chair. Zack stomped on his foot even harder. Mike let out a cry of pain and jumped up from his seat, nearly knocking over the coffee cups and soda glasses that rested on the surface of the table.

"Why don't you think before you talk!" Zack snapped at Mike. Mike was speechless.

A tall slender red headed woman of about Mary Lin's age came to the table and smiled obliviously at them. "Is everything okay? Would you like the check?" She looked down at Mary Lin and then over to Zack. Zack soothed Mary some more before getting up from his seat.

"I'll handle the check." Zack said somberly as he followed the red headed waitress over to the front of the store, where they disappeared around the corner. Mike hadn't known that Zack had cash on him. Anna apparently didn't either because she took out two twenties from her purse and looked around for the waitress.

They waited for a while before Anna stood up. "I should go find them." But before she could leave the table Zack came back and sat with Mary Lin. She fell into his arms and he shushed her into a steady rocking, back and forth on his shoulder. The red headed waitress came back to the table with a smile on her face.

Mike looked at her face, full of life and love, and then over to Zack's, which conveyed misery and self defeat. Something had happened. Mike answered the stupid question he was about to ask when he saw a bleach looking stain with wetness around it on the camel toe of the red head's pants. The red head seemed oblivious to it but both Anna and Mike knew.

Anna looked at Mike and mouthed the words "What the fuck!?" and Mike nodded in agreement. He had knocked up Mary Lin and promptly fucked a red head. Mike wished he was such a Lothario with the ladies but then remembered that Zack's penis had evidently planted a seed of a little female or male Zack into Mary Lin's uterus. And Zack was the last person the world needs to breed.

Mike looked up from the red head's pants and to her name tag. "Mary" was her name as well. Mike did a face palm to keep himself from laughing with frustration. The red headed Mary didn't seem to notice the two staring at her or Mary Lin's sobs as she picked up the dirty dishes from the table and put one on top of the other onto her arms.

Mary Lin was still crying when Anna broke the silence. "Well, should we pray?" She said awkwardly. Mike knew she was religious but did she just really say that? Anna shrugged and turned to Mike. "Do you have a cigarette?" She asked, flustered.

Mike nodded and Zack looked up from Mary Lin's already swelling breasts. "You don't smoke?"

Anna shrugged. "I do now..." And took the cigarette that Mike was offering to her. She got up and went for the door. Mike followed her, leaving the two broken love birds to fend for themselves. Mary, the red head, waved them goodbye. She went behind the counter and into the back room.

Anna was standing by the door when Mike approached her.

"Do you have a lighter?" Anna asked.

Mike gave her his trusty and durable Bic® brand lighter. She lit the cigarette and inhaled. Anna promptly fell into a coughing fit. Mike laughed. "You'll get used to it." He said sweetly and wrapped his arms around Anna. She pushed him away and Mike had a look of hurt on his face. He felt rejected and annulled.

Anna took another drag and sighed. "Sorry. I just feel like this whole trip is going to hell..."

Mike understood. "Do you really think she's pregnant?"

Anna shook her head. "Who knows. Why would she lie? What? To keep that big plate of shit stain in her life?"

Zack came out and lit a cigarette of his own. "Man..." He held his cig in one hand and put the other across his forehead. "I'm fucked."

Mike took a drag. "Yeah, you are." He shook his head in disbelief. "Why don't you ever wear a condom?"

Zack nodded and said nothing.

Anna finished half the cigarette and threw it to the ground and stomped on it. "What were you thinking you big stupid son of a bitch!?"

Zack rocked where he stood and kept on smoking. "Condoms are to small..."

"You could of gotten the magnums." Mike added uselessly. Zack continued to rock back and forth and he was already finished with his cigarette. He pulled another from the pack in his pocket.

Zack had tears welling up in his eyes. "My life is FUCKED!" He said sorrowfully. Anna's angry demeanor broke and she wrapped her arms around his non-existent waist. Zack returned the hug and held onto her tight. Mike decided to join in and wrapped his arms around the two.

Mary Lin walked out of the diner and immediately joined in on the group hug. They all dismantled and stood by each other by a foot or so. Mary Lin had been crying too it seemed.

"What are we going to do?" Mary Lin sobbed.

"Abortion?" Zack offered, bracing himself for the inevitable backlash.

Mike nodded. "Sounds reasonable."

Anna and Mary Lin had a look of horror on their faces. "How can you say that?" Mary Lin gasped. "This is your baby I'm carrying!"

"It won't feel any pain until it develops a nervous system." Mike said. "Which is around a few weeks if I'm not correct."

"Well, you aren't!" Mary Lin shouted and grabbed Zack's arm. "We have to get married!"

The cigarette fell from Zack's mouth. "Fuck that!" He said without humor. "I'm not getting married to somebody I don't know!"

"But..." Mary Lin started. "You pissed in my mouth."

Mike mouthed the words that were just said to Anna, who in turn face palmed herself.

"That doesn't mean we have to get married." Zack moaned.

"We've been living in sin and we need to atone." Mary Lin said matter of factly.

Zack looked to Anna and Mike for assistance but they were just as speechless as he was. Zack picked up the cigarette from the ground and smoked it to the butt. Then he tossed it into the snowy sidewalk next to where he stood.

"I'll pay for an abortion." Zack stated as if he were answering a question on a game show.

Mary Lin shook her head. "I'm not murdering anything God has given life!"

Mike shook his head. "I thought you hunted and such?"

Mary Lin nodded. "Animals have no souls."

"But aren't they God's creatures?"

Mary Lin laughed. "Genesis says that animals were made for our pleasure."

"Dogs aren't pleasurable." Mike scoffed and took a long drag from his tobacco infused cancer stick.

"Dogs are man's best friend." Anna laughed. No one else saw the humor in it though and she crossed her arms and looked sideways at Mike. Mike shrugged and knelt down. He smoked the last of his cigarette and flicked it into the snow beside the threesome.

"Besides," Mary Lin started. "the town got rid of our planned parenthood just for such things like this."

"What about the good stuff planned parenthood does?" Mike asked.

Mary Lin's face lit with anger. "There is nothing good about those baby killers! I'm happy Dr. Reginald crashed his car!" She seemed to seethe with hatred for the man. "He's killed two lives and deserved all the pain he got."

"Was he killed on impact?" Mike asked.

Mary Lin shrugged. "I hope not."

"That's very Christian of you." Mike said scornfully and took another cigarette from his pack.

The irony was lost on Mary Lin. Zack slid his fingers through his hardened gel spiked hair. "I can't marry. I can't have a kid... This is too much!" He fell to his knees and went into a full on crying fit. Mary Lin knelt beside him and patted his back.

"You'll make a great husband and father." Mary Lin said encouragingly.

Mike laughed. Anna stomped on his foot and he let out a yelp of pain.

"I can't be a husband and a father!" Zack cried. "I'm in college, I have my whole life in front of me!"

Mary Lin patted him on the back some more. "It's all God's will."

"Unless you are a baby killer, which at a certain point it's not even alive."

Mary Lin stood up and went nose to nose with Mike. Her protruding belly touched Mike's thin man stomach. Mike swallowed. "What?" He asked innocently.

"I don't think I like you." Mary Lin said as she squinted at the small man before her. Mike rolled his shoulders and flapped his hands. "Why do you do that?" She asked doubtfully.

Mike rolled his shoulders again and put his hands to his head. "I want to go home... I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry!" He fell to his knees and started crying along with Zack. Mike rocked back and forth with his hands to his head as the tears flowed freely from his sky blue eyes.

Mary Lin looked down at the two in disgust. "You two are men. Why are you acting like women?"

Anna's face grew red with anger. "Why don't you just stop with the hate! Can't you see that both Zack and Mike aren't having the best of times right now?"

Mary Lin scoffed. "Zack should be bursting with happiness right now!" She yelled. "I know I'm fucking happier than a rabbit with carrots!"

Mike rubbed the salty wetness from his eyes and stood up. "Carrots are actually not a good staple for a rabbit's diet."

"How would you know baby killer?" Mary Lin spat.

Mike shrunk back and held onto Anna's arm. He put his head on her shoulder and vibrated with sobs.

"Oh my God..." Zack put his hands to his head. "What am I going to do?"

"For starters..." Mary Lin smirked and extended her arm, pointing her ring finger at the tall man whore. "You could put a ring on it!"

Chapter 17

Despite their best efforts, they couldn't find a way to get rid of Mary Lin unless they resorted to being physical. She had been by Zack's depressed side all day by the time their ride came. She had phoned somebody at the restaurant and a white Lincoln Town Car had picked them up about an hour earlier. Mike instructed him to text him with updates if he could get bars. From what he gathered it was no longer a secret about the pregnancy. Mary Lin, being the talkative sort, no doubt had alerted the town as to her condition. Mike's mind reeled at the definite reality of the situation. Zack, being the slut monger he was, had impregnated a girl he didn't even know in any other way than in the carnal sense.

The man that drove the car was tall. About six foot five, and had a good hundred pounds on Zack. Zack had told Mike, probably in jest, that he knew karate and could defend himself if the situation arose. The man had acted like he was about to strike Zack down at any moment during the tense meeting. Zack had kept his head down and didn't speak, Mary Lin had done that enough for the both of them.

The tall man had turned out to be her bigger brother Samuel. Mike was beginning to think that everyone in town had a biblical name. It was indeed an odd coincidence. In fact from one name tag, a Hispanic gardener had been named Jesus. Of course you pronounced it "Hey-Zeus." There were other subtle hints at extreme Catholicism all over town. It just now darted out into Mike's not so perceptive perception of the world around him.

It was indeed odd to witness the phenomenon of religiousness go to the extreme that people seemed to be going in since it was announced that Mary Lin would be expecting. Samuel had quoted some verse from the bible about soldiers waiting in a meadow for maidens to come along so they could take them as their wives, your basic rape scenario, Mike didn't really listen. Then Samuel gave Zack a long winded spiel about how he had a Biblical obligation to marry Mary Lin. Mike couldn't believe that the man had been suggesting basically a shot gun wedding. That morning he wouldn't of believed the extremes someone would go to to get what they thought was right. Zack kept sending Mike frowny faces via text and when Mike had even a semblance of a signal he had egged him on to reveal more of what had been transpiring the past hour or so at Mary Lin's, whatever her last name was (that sort of thing wasn't really a necessity for Zack), house.

Zack had only said that there had been a lot of praying. Some of it even frighteningly fundamentalist. By the time Mike and Anna had been able to get through the ever increasing snow back to her house, her family had already been informed.

They'd gotten back just as Ronny, the priest they called him, was leaving. Henry had been escorting him to his car when Mike and Anna pulled up in her Honda. Mike's attention was immediately focused on Ronny. What was his business there? Didn't he see enough of the town's people on a daily basis? Didn't he have some orphans to blame for the original sin in the world or some granola eating liberals to preach against?

Mike had the feeling since he got there that Henry and the like didn't really like him. It could have been the way that Henry never remembered his name. It also could have been the many times he had given him the cold shoulder. But the icing on the cake had to be when they got inside and out of the blistering snow storm around them and Henry had given Mike the ultimate evil eye and snarl. Mike had asked what the problem was and Henry told him that he was the reason why his townspeople had been so upset lately. His liberal influence had outraged many. He went as far to blame him for everything wrong with America and not surprisingly, he blamed Zack's misgivings on being a bad friend. Apparently Mike had failed as a God fearing human being by not stopping Zack, who was a victim of his testosterone that all America loving male patriots possessed, from having too much sex.

Apparently Zack had merely been a pawn all along in Mike's master liberal scheme. From where the man was getting his information was anyone's guess. But as soon as Anna had talked to him privately he had seemed to cool down a little.

"So you're disabled and collecting both student loans and SSI?" Henry had asked, cornering Mike in the foyer. Mike had wanted to add that he was also getting food stamps, but even he saw the flaw in that line of thinking. But Henry, this time, he didn't seem as intent on getting angry at the young man. He was now just merely disgusted with him. Mike wondered what had soften the blows and was now in Anna's bedroom, door open, and laying on the floor hugging a pillow. He had all done everything he did that had resulted from the barrage of accusations. He had rolled his shoulders many times and got to the point where when Henry talked to him, he fell to his knees and put his hands to his head. Henry didn't seem to know what to make of the act. But the important thing was that he had stopped harassing Mike so hard since Anna had talked to him. What had she said that would tame such a large and vital organ hungry beast?

Anna took a shower and was now in the bathroom drying off and changing into some indoor clothes. Anna openly worried that the roads could be cut off from the snow. Which made things a little bit on the unknown for the three of them, who were to leave on Friday. It was Thursday afternoon and the only chance at sanity just may have well been an impossible pipe dream a million light years away. Mike had grown extremely depressed since the time Henry had blown up at him till right at the moment where he heard Anna humming behind a closed bathroom door as she put on some nicer clothes for dinner.

She came out looking as pristine and virginal as she had ever been. She had on a nice long red and black dress that reminded Mike of a Halloween decoration. Although Mike didn't dare mention this. Why add to his misery when he didn't have to. Talking was on a strict as needed basis. Although Anna was about to break him before he could even put the practice in effect.

"Are you okay?" Anna asked as she knelt down.

Mike didn't answer. He continued to hug the large white down goose feather pillow. Anna poked him in the ribs and asked again, this time resulting in water welling up in Mike's eyes.

Anna sat down next to Mike and started putting her fingers through his hair. "You have to talk to me." She said. "Otherwise how do I know how I can help you?"

Mike shivered and a tear ran down his stubbly cheek. He hadn't shaved since the day before and he was getting a minor five o'clock shadow that invaded every area on his face that you'd expect of any man who produced sufficient amounts of testosterone. All except the sides of his mouth however. It gave Mike a sort of naturally set in goatee.

Anna poked him again. "Mike?" She asked again. "Mike please talk to me." She grabbed his face with the gentleness of a mother hen and gently rocked his head in her lap. "Please Mike. You're scaring me." Mike could hear her voice cracking as she pleaded.

Mike sniffled. "What has gone wrong with things?" He asked no one in particular. The words seemed to float from his mouth and evaporate in the air around them.

"I don't know." Anna conceded. She continued gently stroking his hair as his head lay in her lap.

Mike sighed but did not break his staring contest he had with the white and green bedroom wall. The place had a look to it that you'd expect from a kid's room. Mike wondered if the Shoemaker's just never bothered to change the color.

"Did you grow up in this room?" Mike asked absently.

"Well..." Anna seemed to be trying to find the right words. Something to make it seem like she was less of a privileged white girl and more of a commoner in wolf's clothing. But no such assurances came to mind. She wiped an errant tear from Mike's left eye. He blinked but was otherwise unscathed. "Really, all of our success hasn't been over night." Anna said softly. "I remember my daddy and mommy raising me in a small blue house down off of Garfield. I remember my early years there. Mom would mark my height against the bathroom doorway and father always made sure they took lots and lots of family pictures." She abruptly got up, gently laying Mike's head onto her bed's pillow, and going to her closet.

Mike turned around from where he lay and was now on his stomach, observing Anna as she dug through some boxes in the closet. He yawned and then felt self conscious about it. He didn't want to come across as disinterested. That was the last thing he needed, to upset her. He desperately wanted her back where he was, holding him and cradling his head in her arms. Telling him nice things. Things about kittens and lollipops and award winning pecan pie recipes and such... He really didn't care. He just wanted her back with him that moment.

Anna seemed to find what she was looking for in the pile of boxes. She brought out a red shoe box that seemed to weigh a good deal of pounds because she sagged when she brought it out. It was a big box too, no doubt her father's shoe box. Mike suddenly felt the sting of knowing that he still had on Henry's shoes. Mike never took off his shoes or socks unless he really had to. One thing about being autistic was that you had a very high sensitivity to touch. He felt safe with them on. He couldn't explain why but he would have worn shoes to bed all his life if he wasn't such a clean sheet freak. In his opinion you could never bleach your linens too much. To him it was just utter nonsense. Crazy talk from people who need psychotropic medications.

Anna walked over to where Mike lay and sat back down, putting the box next to his head. Mike doubled over and got to his knees. He went in to hug Anna but she evaded him. He was unsure of whether or not she did this on purpose but it was always safe for him to assume the worst. He always did when it came to bad things happening to him. Like the time he had gone in for a broken arm. Mike had fallen off of his bike when he was twelve and snapped his forearm into two separate pieces. Well, four if you count the fact that the forearm is made of two different bones. It had looked like he was imitating Egyptian hieroglyphs or something. It just bent at an angle and just dangled in the air. It was a truly horrific experience. Mike was certain that he'd lose that arm.

But the thing that caused the most trouble in the end was when he was in the emergency room. They had given him an intravenous dosing of morphine and he was well on his way to sleepy time when he made an off comment about how he felt pressure in his stomach. He thought nothing of it under his narcotic haze but the nurse seemed to be hitting with all her batters in position because she asked the doctor to check it out. He wouldn't have gone the extra mile if Mike's post office working father hadn't had such great health insurance. No doubt, the doctor ordered an x-ray of his abdomen and it showed an extremely enlarged appendix. How this had escaped notice from the boy was not quite understood. Apparently during the time it had taken him to break his arm and come to the hospital he had undergone a swelling in that organ. The doctor couldn't give a satisfactory explanation as to why it had occurred the way it did, but they were able to take it out in time. And you'd better believe the doctor charged heftily for the privilege.

There was one attending doctor to diagnose a broken arm.

The a first year resident doctor to set his arm.

Then a nurse to cast his arm.

Then another doctor to diagnose the appendicitis.

Then an anesthesiologist to make sure he didn't wake up during surgery and bitch slap the man cutting his stomach open.

Then a surgeon to relieve Mike of his appendix, who would have been bitch slapped if the anesthesia had worn off.

And of course a score of nurses and assistant surgeons who administered various drugs and to basically stand around and look like the hot and sexy medical professionals they were.

By the time they were ready to leave he had had one and a half operations and all he got for the little adventure was an uncomfortable cast around his good arm and stitches under his belly button that were just asking, begging really, to be scratched and pinched. Anything to relieve those horribly itchy stitches. Apparently they had performed something called laparoscopy. A procedure where they put a tube in your abdomen and it cuts out unwanted parts with minimal scarring.

Actually that hadn't hurt as much as the arm. But his parents never let it go. It cost them over two thousand dollars in co-payments just to keep the bill collectors at bay. That had been the start of the decline for his family's finances... He felt solely responsible for their monetary misfortunes.

Food was functional for Mike. He ate to live, he didn't live to eat.

Anna was afraid that all of the personal demons Mike had would spill out of him anytime now. It was just a matter of time, she thought. Mike, if he could have read her mind, probably would have agreed. But he can't read her mind. No one can. That's just silly talk.

Anna placed the red shoe box by Mike. Mike sat up on the bed and stared at it attentively. Or so, attentively at the box she had placed in front of him. He watched eagerly as she took the red cardboard lid off of the box and placed it by his feet.

Anna sighed. "These are my pictures."

Mike scooted closer to where she was now sitting on the floor. "Cool." Mike said. Anna took out a handful of pictures and scattered them around her and Mike picture side up. Some were of her as a kid, playing with various sorts of toys and bikes and such. Others with her family. The house she appeared in in most of the pictures was of a modest sort. Mike wondered if the smiling little girl in the pictures ever thought she'd grow up to be with somebody like him. Had she ever in her wildest dreams thought she'd be fucking an Aspie one day? The girl in the pictures seemed so full of piss and vinegar. No one was telling this little girl what to do.

Mike felt an erection coming on and he placed a pillow on his crotch in hopes that no one would ever find out that he was... unclean.

"Damn Southern Baptist guilt!" Mike shouted as he raised a rueful fist to the air.

"What?" Anna asked, her focus still on the pictures.

Mike found a picture in the pile of her sitting on a rainbow colored children's bicycle. It was mostly white but it had dashes of color here and there. The kind of bike Mike would have liked to have if he had grown up with any sorts of means to get one. He hadn't gotten a bike until well into his sixteenth birthday. That's what his parents had gotten him instead of a car. Mostly because it was hard to cause mass fatalities across a hypothetically blood strewn highway with a bike. Although some clever ideas did come to mind.

Mike had been with them on that though. The thought of driving scared him so much that whenever he got into the drivers side of a car, in motion or not, he got what he deemed to be vertigo. The feeling that you are falling down. He got that way whenever he was in the driver's side of a car or whenever he went up to the mountains and had to look over the cliff. Fuck the mountains, he thought, fuck them in their stoney arses with big rock dildos! And for that matter, fuck the fault lines that created them! Mike smiled, he was thinking manly rebel thoughts. Things that drove the vagina carrying populace wild!. Fuck everything!

That is of course, aside from the lovely brown haired girl in front of him. Mike loved her. He wasn't sure if he was in love with her because she was a striking beauty in which he could relate to on a personal level or if he loved her because she took care of him like a mother figure would.

Mike scooted closer to her and put his head on her shoulders. Anna petted his scalp and smiled. She held up a picture of her with a horse. It couldn't have been too old of a picture because it looked like she was well into her pixie haircut phase. That time in every girl's life when a woman decides to say "fuck you hair care products!" and lop it all off. This was apparently Anna's time. She had her hair cut way too short for a girl (in Mike's opinion) in this picture and she seemed to have had a penchant for wearing checkered shirts and a riding crop. Mike wondered if she ever dressed like that outside of the stable. The thought made him laugh.

"What's funny?" Anna asked dreamily, staring at the moments frozen in time and drawn by a process that Mike didn't quite fully understand on the pieces of celluloid in front of her.

Mike just shook his head. "Just wondering if you ever wore that riding crop to any social events." He laughed and kissed her on the forehead. She smiled and interlocked her fingers with his. To Mike's dismay, her hand was nearly as big as his. He wished he had the body of a dominant male. Even a thin sickly body like Zack's would do. If he looked like him he figured he could cure most, if not all, forms of cancer and perhaps some various venereal diseases. Although he wouldn't wish Zack's teeth on anyone. Not that they weren't clean or anything, they were just way too small for his mouth. It made him look a little deformed. If anything, it seemed to endear people more towards him. Mike longed for broad shoulders and a deep voice. Zack had a deep voice, but Mike had a weird mid range type of nasal sounding voice that punk rock singers clamored for. If he only knew how to play a guitar...

Mike clenched his hand into a fist along with hers and looked into her sweet feces colored eyes. He leaned in to kiss her and planted one on her cheek. He had been aiming for her mouth but she moved her head at the last second. Mike felt a little rejected but figured it was just something he had thought up. Surely she didn't mean to snuff him. She was looking down at the pictures, so Mike made it a point to pay attention too.

Mike picked up one Polaroid and stared at it for a minute, taking in the subtleties of the picture. It had that drowned out fuzzy look that old Polaroids were famous for. In it was Anna, in a blue Sunday dress, standing in front of her mother and father in front of the massive church in downtown Goodington. Mr. Shoemaker had on a double breasted navy blue suit and Mrs. Shoemaker made due with a lovely green floral print dress. Mike wondered what the picture meant to Anna. He knew that most of the pictures he had saved from his parents house didn't include him as a child. His father had said that he could have any picture of him over the age of eighteen. For the longest time both his mother and father had hinted at making a collage book of his youth but as of his current knowledge on the subject, it hadn't come to fruition.

Anna took a picture from the small pile before her and showed it to Mike. It was of her inside a blue Chevy pickup. She was smiling out of the driver's side window and Mike could see that it had been taken during a time of her wearing braces. He wondered how old the picture was. But for whatever reason that eludes him every time he thinks about it, he didn't ask about it. He just looked at it and nodded while smiling. She apparently wanted him to say something because she put it down and frowned.

"Don't you want to know what this picture is?" Anna asked.

Mike scratched the back of his neck. "Was..." He fumbled for the right words. "Was this your first car?"

Anna's face lit up with a smile. "Yeah." She said as she gave Mike the picture. "My parents got me a Chevy pick up truck for my sixteenth birthday." Mike looked at the picture in his possession a little more intently than before. "This was way before my father even got it in his head to be a small time politician."

Mike sighed and put the picture on the floor before him. "Why haven't you told me much about your family?" He asked as he took another picture from the small pile and examined it. This one depicted her in blue overalls on what looked like a farm holding a small white rabbit. "Telling me that your father was such a big shot in town would have been a good start."

Anna shrugged and took the picture from Mike's hand and put it back on top of the pile of Polaroids in front of her. She took another large handful of pictures from the box and laid them to her left, separating them from the pile that was already out.

"You talk enough for the both of us." She said weakly.

Mike immediately felt horrible. "Just because I talk a lot about myself doesn't mean I don't care about you." He wrapped his arms around Anna and hugged her tight. Anna could feel him trembling slightly and when they parted she could see why. He was sniffling and shaking with sadness. "I'm so sorry if I'm so selfish all the time." He whined in a hoarse whisper. "I wish I could be a better person than I am."

Anna smiled and stroked Mike's ear gently. "You can't help but be the person you are." She then bent in and kissed Mike on the lips. "And I love the person you are." Then she straightened. "Besides, who else will teach me physics and the history of Mob funded porn industry of the 70's?"

Mike's face contorted a little before a full fledged smile ran across his face. "I love you too." He grabbed a hold of her and pulled her to him. They embraced each other and were locked at the lips as if they were in a kissing contest. Mike, for not being a fellow who could understand the concept of empathy, a not so super power that the rest of the human population could identify with, was an amazing and intense kisser. He moved his tongue like he was an army sergeant, well placed and maneuvered with great aplomb. Anna ran her fingers down the small of his back and then traced a line from there to the groin of his pants in the front. As they kissed passionately, Anna undid his belt, which itself was on loan from her wider and more voluptuous father, and put it to her side. She unlocked her mouth from his and looked over at the bedroom door. She looked at Mike and smiled mischievously and got up and went over to the door. Mike sat where he was, belt by his side and a growing hard on in his pants. She locked the door and put her back to it.

Mike stood, not remembering that he was wearing pants a few sizes too big for him without a belt, was surprised and embarrassed to find that they slid straight down to his ankles. Mike covered his saluting little man with his modest hands and his face flushed with grief. Anna laughed and Mike let his hands go from his groin to the sides of his head. He rocked where he stood for a few moments before Anna walked over to him and grabbed his hands. She placed them by his side and kissed him again on the mouth. His lunch of Swiss cheese and mushroom burger could be tasted from his mouth. Anna noted that he hadn't brushed his teeth yet. But for what ever reason, his burger tasting mouth turned her on.

Anna then led him to her bed. Mike had kicked off his pants and followed where she pulled him. She sat him down and kissed his forehead. Mike couldn't hide his erection from her. Sure he'd fucked her many times, but he rarely ever got blow jobs. He enjoyed them as much as any guy would but he always felt guilty that it was a one way source of pleasure. She kissed his mouth and started kissing his shirt all the way down to his Captain Planet boxers. Mike took her by the head and raised it to his and mouthed "you don't have to..." but she just smiled and put her finger to his lip.

Mike closed his eyes and could feel his boxers being pulled from his waist down to his ankles. Anna put him in her mouth and sucked like she had sucked about four times before. Not that Mike had kept count. Well, yeah, he had. This would be the fifth time she had ever gone down on him.

Mike always thought that it was rude to hold onto someone's head who was giving him head. He imagined a large and not so mentally gifted high school jock putting his hands on the lady's head and pushing her up and down going "Yeah! I'm the one with a penis here bitch!" Needless to say, Mike's view on those who weren't small and powerless was less than admirable.

It felt really good, which made him feel even more guilty. But he had learned that, with sexual things related to Anna, just to go with the flow. He felt embarrassed when he let out a moan of pleasure. Mike wondered how long he would last. Then thought of Zack. He got head all the time. Mike wished he could see girls as holes and not as living, breathing people with families and hope and a past and Facebook accounts. Mike was so caught up in these thoughts that the orgasm seemed to come out of no where.

Mike felt his whole body tense up and then release. He raised his left foot as he came and the world seemed to shift in his vision. Anna kept her mouth on his stuff as she milked him dry of any errant sperm that may have been lodged in his shaft.

Mike opened his eyes and saw Anna run to the bathroom holding a hand to her mouth. She spat into the bowl and turned on the faucet to wash six million Irishmen down the sink. Mike felt conscious of his now flaccid penis hanging in the air so he pulled up his boxers and went to his pants. He put them on and walked into the bathroom where Anna was brushing her teeth.

Should he hug her? He was never sure of what to do post coitus. Despite his best judgment he wrapped his arms around Anna and planted a kiss on the side of her forehead. She spat toothpaste and saliva down the drain and filled a small glass cup with water. She swished the water in her mouth and spat that down the drain as well. As Mike still held her she reached for the mouth wash and did that ritualistically as well. When all was said and done, you could probably eat out of her mouth it was so clean, the thought of which disgusted Mike.

Mike couldn't help but feel a least bit self conscious as she ran through her routine to rid her mouth of his little white men. He backed away and sighed.

Anna dried her mouth off with a white towel hanging from the shower rod behind the toilet. She then turned to Mike and gave him a very, very minty fresh tasting kiss.

"You taste like Apple Jacks." She smiled. Mike smiled as well and returned the kiss.

Mike pulled back and looked confused. "Should I eat you out now?"

Anna laughed. "No sweety." She said as she planted another kiss on his oily forehead. "I wouldn't wish that on my worst enemy." She said, giggling. Mike felt awkward and unable to help. He hated being in that position.

"Next time you don't have to do that." Mike said shyly.

"Do what?" Anna asked as she led him back to where the pictures were on the manila shag carpet floor. She sat down next to the box and Mike followed suit, straightening his pants as he did.

"You know..." Mike wanted to say it without saying it. So he made an "O" face and bobbed his head back and forth. Anna laughed.

"Well what if I told you that I like giving you attention?" She asked as she ran her fingers through his hair.

"I just don't think I'm the best person in the world really." Mike sighed. "Why do you like me?" He asked. The elephant in the room had just spoken up in his mind.

Anna didn't seem to understand. "You know..." She started looking through the second batch of pictures. "Most guys would be basking in the afterglow after a good blow job. But you seem to always feel guilty whenever we have sex."

Mike looked down at his crotch and winced. "It's just that... I just feel guilty that you didn't get off is all." Anna stopped looking through her pictures and looked at Mike into the eyes.

"Awe." She uttered and gave Mike another minty fresh kiss. Mike, not sure where this was going, put his hand on her head and held her in place where his tongue could find purchase in her mouth. They kissed passionately for a good two minutes before Mike's mouth grew tired.

They parted and Anna wiped her mouth. "Would you believe me if I told you that you are the best damn kisser I know?" She smiled and pulled some hair from her face with her left manicured hand.

Mike seemed to sink further into the floor where he sat. "I bet Zack is much better."

Anna sighed. "Why? Because he's tall and hung that I want to fuck him?"

Mike's face grew red, and he could feel it.

Anna kissed him on the lips again. "I love you." She stroked his hair as she said this. "Girl's don't always go gaga over male anatomy."

Mike took in a deep breath and slouched. "I bet you'd like me better if I was hung."

Anna scoffed. "You're the perfect size. I've never seen Zack's package..."

"I have." Mike interrupted her. "It's fucking huge!"

Anna put her finger to Mike's babbling lips, effectively shutting him up. "I've never seen his package. But I've been with really big guys and you know what?"

Mike shook his head, still with her finger over his closed lips.

"Big guys hurt sometimes." Anna said, making a face of disgust. "Plus the guys attached to them always seem to be assholes." Anna laughed. "Zack being a case in point."

Mike took her finger from his lips and put it in his mouth. He sucked on it for a few moments before letting it go back to it's owner.

"So I taste like nutritious and filling Apple Jacks® brand cereal from Kellogg's® you say?" Mike smiled.

Anna laughed. "If it weren't semen then I'd swear it was a breakfast cereal of some sorts."

Mike grinned. "That's so gross." He said as he wrapped his hands around her face and kissed her. She hadn't been lying when she said he was a great kisser. Mike just went off of what he saw in movies and so far it seemed to work. Just suck in while your mouth is open and bite at the lip of your partner a few times... Mike wasn't completely sure how he had learned to do it so well but he was happy that it was at least part of the reason she was attracted to him.

"So seriously..." Mike said as he parted lips with hers. "What is it about me you like?"

Anna kissed him again and thought about it. "First, what do you like about me?"

Mike smiled. "No fair. You first."

Anna took Mike's hand and kissed it on the other side of his open palm. She then played with his fingers, making the index and ring finger dance in her palm. "You're really smart." She said absently as she held onto his fingers. "You teach me things all the time. I like hot guys with hot IQs." She smiled. Mike knew the reference. There had been an old band in Denver, now defunct, that called themselves The Hot IQs. They were before his time but he had listened to their music from Zack, who was a little older, and had liked them. It wasn't like Zack was old enough to go to the bars that they played when they were around. In fact Mike had wondered about his age difference at all. At two years older, Zack at first had seemed more worldly and aware of his surroundings than Mike ever felt he had.

The Hot IQs were an indie band with a deep voiced male singer. He almost sounded like a happy Morrisey. They also had a female drummer who was Asian. Denver had come out with numerous great bands since the advent of Y2K and had yet to cease producing bands with listenable music. Mike loved the scene there but was always too shy to ever make his mark. He more preferred to stand back and enjoy the music when at shows. Just imagining the Hot IQs live made him sigh. He wished he was old enough to have seen them live.

Mike had gotten some older and newer demos from the singer of The Milkshakes. He was a loveable goof ball who was also autistic. They could have been friends if the guy hadn't been way into drugs. This had to be God's way of limiting Mike's social contact in general. It seemed like anytime he made someone even resembling something close to a friend, they had a way of disappearing from the radar or just flat out refuse to let the sonar signals bounce off of them. Last he heard about the guy he had put out a solo record by the name of Goodbye Timebomb and had pretty much retired from the music scene to go to college. Mike wished he knew which college the singer went to. But it hadn't been important. The guy was a little worse off than he was on the scale of autism. He just hoped that the guy made it through the whole ordeal with his head still on.

Mike's mind wondered aimlessly like this for a few minutes. Anna let him zone out while she perused through her old pictures. When Mike seemed to snap out of it he looked at her with blushing fool love and kissed her on the sides of her face. Anna giggled.

Anna picked up a picture of her in her graduation outfit. She hadn't thrown her graduation cap in the air when all the other high school graduates had. She didn't want to have to find her monogrammed cap amongst the other student's head gear. Mike leaned over to look and smiled at what he saw.

Anna put the picture back into the pile. Mike leaned in closer to get a better look at the pictures that were in Anna's hands. There was one with her as a child in front of a birthday cake that had a large candle in the shape of a five. Another one depicted her with another boy. They looked about twelve or so years old. Actually Mike couldn't tell, he's a terrible judge when it comes to age. Which is the main reason why he never guesses anyone's date of birth, to him everyone looks young and sexy and way more fuckable than he is.

There was another picture of the same boy in the pile. Mike reached for it and examined the picture of the boy with the golden locks of blond hair. He looked like a little hippie. Even down to the tie die shirt he was wearing.

"Who is this?" Mike asked.

Anna smiled. "That was my best friend for the longest time." She took the picture gently from Mike's hand and inspected it intently. "His name was Tim. He was like ten in this picture."

"Oh..." Mike scratched his stubbly chin. "I pegged him about twelve. I suppose I'm getting better at this." Anna laughed and Mike joined in. When they had finished guffawing they were in each other's arms. Mike held her as tightly as would be comfortable. She kissed him on the cheek and rocked him in her arms.

"Anna?" Mike began.

"Yes?" Anna replied, still rocking him gently.

"How did you get your dad off my back?"

Anna laughed. "I told him that liberals loved to sue when it came to the discrimination of handicapped individuals."

Mike felt a chill run down his spine. "You didn't really tell him that did you?"

Anna winked. "Actually we just sat down and talked about it for a while. He eventually understood that you had nothing to do with Zack and his misadventure."

"Why would he even think that I had anything to do with that?"

"I don't know. Father just seems to have taken a shining to Zack... As you could probably already tell."

Mike laughed. "I guess so."

Anna and Mike continued to look at the pictures that were strewn out before them. They ranged from early childhood to near high school graduation. Mike wondered how happy the little girl in the pictures was. Did she get everything she desired or had she wanted for things during her life? The thought made Mike lean in closer and hug her just that much tighter.

Chapter 18

Zack didn't come home that night and Mike's cell phone didn't seem to be working. Mike tried Anna's cell but that too did not go through. The land line in Mr. Shoemaker's study was only as effective as it could be dialing Zack's cell phone, which for all intense and purposes, was out of commission like the rest of their cell phones. At first it hadn't been a big deal but as time progressed Mike wondered what would happen if something major happened and none of them would be able to contact the outside world.

The snow outside had gotten to monstrous proportions. Or at least in Mike's fragile sense you could call it monstrous. There was six inches of snow and counting. The roads leading in to the town via the mountainsides had to be shut down according to the local sheriff who had come by earlier to report to Henry. There was no TV, seeing as the Shoemaker's had satellite and you need a clear sky to get a signal. So pretty much, they were isolated. The thought scared Mike to no end.

Even Anna began to worry about Zack herself. She knew the situation with the phones and couldn't give Mike a reasonable explanation as to why he hadn't checked in. Even she had to say that since she had gotten back to town things hadn't seemed all right. Mike was acting on a scale in which she hadn't seen before. Even according to the books she had read on Aspergers, Mike was profoundly disturbed. The local hospital had a small psychiatric unit if it ever came to that. She was also worried about her father taking Mike's odd mannerisms in offense. Mike had done the hands to ears thing when her father had blamed him for Zack's indiscretions and it had infuriated him. What kind of nut was she dating? Her father had yelled out. Anna's only hope, until they could make it out of town and back to Denver, was that he could make it through this ordeal.

The four red marks and trashed guesthouse came to mind. Why had she over looked such horrible things? She assumed that maybe being with her father gave her some sort of invulnerability that caused her to not notice these glaringly huge events. Had Mike really been onto something with that fertilizer stuff? What did he want to show them? These thoughts kept eating at Anna as she stood in the foyer, dressed in blue jeans and a red and yellow sweater, drinking hot cocoa from Mike's Riddler Batman Forever McDonald's® collectable glass mug.

Anna giggled. She liked the Riddler character. He reminded her of Mike. He certainly was unique. He may not think he's all that but the modesty is what kept her coming back to him. That and he was just so blunt and honest. The thing Anna learned from dealing with him was that you rarely ever heard a person with Aspergers lie. Which added to the suspicion that something terrible is going on and she didn't even give him the chance.

Anna walked up the winding staircase and went to the guest bedroom. She knocked on the door twice before going in. Mike was laying in the fetal position in bed above the covers. Anna walked slowly toward him and sat next to where he lay on top of the dark blue comforter. She ran her fingers though his hair.

"Hey you." She said warmly.

Mike nodded but otherwise seemed pretty catatonic.

"You want to tell me what happened in the guest house the other day?" She asked, gently petting Mike's forehead.

Mike looked up at her warily. "Somebody broke in. I got hurt. Nothing more to say." He lay his head back down on the pillow beneath his neck and sighed.

Anna pushed on. "No. You brought us that fertilizer and tried to show us something. What was it?"

Mike buried his head in her lap. "You wouldn't believe me."

"Try me."

Mike sighed. "Water got on that red goop and became a hand that came out of the toilet and attacked me."

Anna sat there motionless for the longest time before shaking her head dumbly. "One more time?"

Mike sighed and then repeated the whole experience. Down to the creature mimicking his choice of curse words and the toilet coming to life and attacking him.

"A toilet..." Anna started.

"Yeah." Mike said, sure that he had explained the details as best he could.

"Attacked..."

"Yeah."

"A toilet attacked you?" Anna nearly yelled. "What the fuck Mike!?"

"Just ask Nagget!" Mike pleaded.

Anna rose from her bed and put her hands to her head as if she were getting a migraine headache. "It's just... You say and do all sorts of shit but it always had a thought process behind it but this..." She shook her head. "This is... Do you know what position this puts me in?"

Mike felt his body tense up and his shoulders became rigid and tender. He tried rolling his shoulders in this agitated state and wound up popping both shoulders. "What position would that be?"

"If you really believe this then I'll have to put you in the hospital." She stated plainly, as if she were sounding more than sane about the situation.

Mike's eyes grew wide with terror. "I'd deny anything you said."

Anna groaned. "The fact that you have to deny something you obviously saw, real or not, is reason for me to worry."

Mike thought about it for a moment. "Where did your dad put that jar?"

"How would I know. If anything was in that jar and it had some sort of part in some..." She trailed off. "Now you have me doing it."

"Could it be possible that your father is hiding something?"

Anna nodded. "Of course he would have some skeletons in his closet." She started thinking about the jar more seriously now. "He said it was proprietary. What if it's some military science experiment?"

"I thought I was the crazy one..." Mike said, immediately regretting it.

Anna smiled. "It's either that or the paranormal or creatures from outer space." She put her hand on Mike's. "So you say Nagget has seen this stuff huh?"

"Yeah." Mike said, biting his lip for no reason other than he found it still salty after his french fries for lunch. "We have to talk to him."

Anna looked out of the window. The snow had leveled off some but there were still some flurries.

"Phones are down." Mike said sourly.

"It's after four in the afternoon anyways. He'll be home."

Mike stood up. "Are we going to pay him a visit?"

Anna smiled. "Perhaps hearing this from a second party will make it sound less crazy. I'm sure it's not as you think it is. Maybe you were just hallucinating on your medications."

Mike frowned. "Maybe." He raised his injured arm to eye level. "Who knows... I'm just as lost as you."

Anna grabbed her car keys from the nightstand besides her bed. "Well, let's go see the old fag."

Mike smiled.

They got maybe halfway there before Anna realized that the snow was a force to be reckoned with. She parked at one of the lots downtown and they were in the process of going to Nagget's on foot. The entire town only had to be about four or so miles large. It wasn't like they were in downtown Denver. Although if they'd been in downtown Denver, they would have encountered some plowed driveways and public transportation. Mike was big on the bus system, which made Anna feel as if she wasn't as needed as she wanted to feel. Mike had no qualms about taking the bus to anywhere he wanted to go. She had made the mistake of once saying that she didn't like driving everywhere and Mike had taken her up on that. He never asked her to drive him anywhere. Sometimes though she wished he would. Anything to feel needed.

But as of now they were dressed to the teeth in winter wear. She had on her skiing jacket, which was awesomely warm even in the below twenty degree weather. Mike had on two layers of shirts, one long sleeve underneath a short sleeve, giving him a sort of punk rock look, and he had on his long gray trench coat, which his friends joked made him look like he was a part of the 'Trench Coat Mafia.' The thought amused Anna. Mike was the least threatening person she knew.

Zack on the other hand... She wondered why Zack and Mike got along as well as they did, what with the world of differences between them. But she had seen Zack's sensitive side. He took good care of Mike. Even though he had that fuck you punk rock attitude, he wasn't completely hard boiled. She remembered the time a few months back they had all been out in old town Arvada visiting a micro-brewery. Mike had been making sure that he didn't step on any of the many cracks and grooves in the tiled sidewalk they were walking on. Mike was getting frustrated because if he stepped on one crack with one foot, he had to step on another to even it out. Zack had seen this and had laughed, as he always did whenever he saw Mike doing weird things, but this time after he had his chuckle he seemed to grow with concern about his friend.

Zack had put both hands on Mike's shoulders, making him tense up and shake with fear, and he guided him to the edge of the sidewalk, where the concrete tiles were larger and therefore easier to step on. Zack didn't make any wise ass cracks about it either. He just smiled and Mike returned it in earnest. Anna, from then on, had a level of respect for the father of Mary Lin's unborn and genderless child. At least it was genderless until some point in about a few weeks or a month. She wondered at what time did a baby become male or female. She knew from biology class, a requirement for nursing students, that all babies are initially conceived as girls. It took the right hormone release at the right time to become a male. The theory of genetic switch and bait that went on in such things was just mind boggling to most people, Anna still only had a tenuous grasp on it at best.

She remembered Mike telling her one time, pretty much at random, as he was prone to do, that the clitoris in a female grew into a penis if that hormone was present at the time of choosing. Not that anyone could choose their gender, at least not naturally, she thought. Men had nipples because of the whole "everyone-is-born-a-girl-until-the-right-hormone-at-the-right-time" thing. She recalled him saying something along the lines of how God was indecisive when it came to making babies.

The thought that Zack would be a father didn't scare her as much as she thought it would. Again she remembered the concrete sidewalk incident and it made her smile. She knew he would be a good dad. She just hoped that he would curb his womanizing ways and settle with somebody who had a good head on their shoulders. She barely knew Mary Lin. In fact, since she left, she probably didn't know even a quarter of the new residents that had come to live in Goodington since she had left for college. She remembered how, when she was younger, at around fifteen years of age, she had known pretty much everyone in town. Her father was the town's only lawyer. He specialized in business and entertainment law at the time. Her father had told her earlier in life that he had taken entertainment law in law school because he had so many friends who were in bands. He never really made a living off of it, the business law was far more profitable, but it was something of endless discussion.

Mr. Shoemaker had loved music. But since she had gotten back into town she hadn't seen or heard him even play the radio. It worried her. Everyone was acting weird. Everyone that is except for Nagget. The old fruit was just as out there as ever. But it was comforting to see him when she did. It was as if he had been frozen in time for her to enjoy.

Mike's beanie cap was a little too large for his head but he liked things that were a size too big for him. Case in point being his trench coat. His old high school friend Erin had given it to him. She was nothing more than a good friend but there had been times when they discussed being more than that. But she had moved to Alabama to be back with her mother after her father died of a stroke. Mike wondered how it would feel to have one. His great grandfather had suffered one when he was around eight years old and the man described it as losing half of your body. It wasn't numb or anything like that, it just felt like half of your body, the left side, just vanished. Leaving half a man. Mike wished he could empathize, which being autistic, he couldn't.

The thought of his grandfather made Mike sigh with sadness. If he had been wanting Anna to acknowledge his mood then he didn't get his wish. She was staring intently at the six inches of snow caked on the sidewalk in front of her. Mike was happy that he had never gotten any of the heart problems that seemed to wreak havoc on his father's side of the family. He took more after his mother than anything else, really. His Dutch and Irish features were prominent in his face. He had gotten his height from his father, who was a short man, but it seemed like he got the short end of the stick genetically speaking because everyone on his mother's side was tall as hell. The average height of one of her male relatives was around six four. He always imagined that if he were taller then he could be more dominant in his approach to life. Anyone over five eleven had a commanding presence. At least they did to him. But he had stopped caring a while ago, seeing as something like height you can't change.

Mike stopped for a moment and thought. You could change your height actually. It involved breaking your limbs and putting a metal stretching do-ma-higgy that was nailed to your bone. You stretched it a little each day or week or whatever, and slowly, like over the course of many months and / or years, you could get a little taller. The idea behind this procedure was that your bones would grow back, filling the gap where you had stretched it, and the end result was a taller, sexier you. However Mike would never do such a thing even if he could afford to. The process would mean that his legs would be longer than his arms. Mike wanted to stay symmetrical. He knew he could do it with his arms but being without the use of his hands for any extended amount of time would be disastrous. That is of course if you only did one at a time. But that would mean that if he did his right arm, leaving his left arm, one that he wasn't really big on using, he would be stuck with his left hand for six months. Which he'd have to learn how to write with. Mike rolled his shoulders at the huge fucking nightmare it would be altogether.

However you would get some pretty sweet pain medications.

Anna walked about five feet ahead of Mike when she realized he was standing in the middle of the sidewalk, staring at the snow beneath his feet. She backtracked by walking backwards and came to him. She put her arm around Mike's waist.

"You okay?" She asked.

Mike rolled his shoulders again and squinted over the blisteringly white plain before them. "I'm just short."

Anna laughed. "So am I Mike." She began walking and Mike followed suit, her arm still around his waist. "So am I.

Mike smiled. They were about a four fifth of the way to Nagget's. They passed his book store and Mike shuddered. Anna wondered what had made him do so but it was cold and she just wanted to get to someplace warm.

After another ten minutes of walking down Woodrow Way they were at Nagget's split level house. It was split level because the house had been built on a man made hill by the park. Anna remembered many of the kids when she was a kid had tried to lobby the town to build a skate park there. However the adults, being the adults they were, had nixed that idea. The thing that got her though was that many of the older towns people hated it when kids skateboarded through town. She wondered if that qualified as ironic. She was never that good at English.

Mike rolled his shoulders and walked up to the door. He knocked twice and when that didn't do the trick he pressed the door bell twice. Because everything is in twos, he was surprised more people didn't get the symmetry of life. Everything comes in twos. Or in case of spiders, four. Or insects, which would be three... The point being, everything in life and physics is symmetrical.

Mike looked back at Anna who wouldn't seem to come any closer than the five feet from the door where she was. Mike made a frowny face and motioned for her to come along. She was holding herself. Her breath was hanging frozen in the air because of the coldness that surrounded them. Mike looked back toward the door and was about to knock another two times before the door opened and that fat old Nagget man stood before them.

"Yes?" He asked cheerfully.

"Um..." Mike looked at him and back at Anna and then back at Nagget. "We want to talk to you about that red stuff that you said you found on your lawn." Mike rolled his shoulders. "The same stuff I found on the hose."

Nagget looked to his sides, as if he were being watched. "Come on in." Mike began for the door but looked back to see Anna still standing in the snow, rubbing her arms.

"You okay?" Mike asked her.

She looked around nervously. "I don't think this is such a good idea."

Mike rolled his shoulders and flapped his hands. "I think it's an awesome idea." He walked over to Anna and grabbed her by the arm and led her into Nagget's house. The first thing Mike noticed about the man's house was all the books on all the book shelves. The place was packed with paperback books. Mike noticed the lack of hardcovers. "What's with all the books?" He asked. "Have you actually read all of these?" Mike found a paperback book on evolution and took it from it's place in the rack and perused it. It was from the eighties so the science was still a bit iffy but some of the stuff still held up to today's findings.

"Yup." Nagget said proudly. Then he blushed. "Well... Most of them anyways."

Anna looked around nervously for a place to sit down. She was still rubbing her arms as if she was cold. Mike had never seen her so nervous.

"Can I get you guys anything?" Nagget asked absently as he was taking some newspapers that were all over his brown corduroy couch. He motioned for Anna to sit, and she did so.

"I'll have some water." She said sheepishly.

Mike looked up from the book he was reading. "I'll have a diet soda. Don't matter the brand."

"Well..." Nagget said thoughtfully. "All I have in diet is root beer. Do you like root beer?"

Mike rolled his shoulders and made an involuntary gagging noise. "I'd rather have a full sugar of whatever then."

Nagget thought for a second. "How about sweet tea?"

"Are you from the south?" Anna asked, still rubbing her arms.

"Actually my last partner was." Nagget said wistfully. "He got me addicted and I've never been able to kick my sweet tea habit. But of course I modernized it. I make sweet iced chai tea."

Mike licked his lips. "Sounds awesome!"

Anna's face squished up and she stuck out her tongue. She was obviously not a fan of chai or sugar or both. Mike knew that she didn't like processed sugar.

"What kind of sugar did you use for your tea?" Mike asked.

"Pure sugar cane." Nagget said as he got up the last of the newspapers and set them on the coffee table before the couch. He then headed for the kitchen up the steps of his split level. Mike looked around and was impressed with the clutter of the place. It was all just books and newspapers. He could only dream of such a cool place in the future. Mike then wondered what kind of salary he would be pulling as an evolutionary psychologist. He read somewhere that it was around sixty thousand a year. Which was an amazing thought seeing as he only made about seven thousand a year on SSI. Not counting student loans of course... Those things are life savers. But the thought of paying them back made him almost too sick to partake in chai tea awesomeness. His stomach churned and he felt a slight burning in his intestines. He was working himself up. He put the book back in it's place on the black wooden IKEA book shelf. Then he felt in his cargo pants pockets for his Ativan. Mike found the bottle and popped two of them into his mouth. Sometimes, even though they were extremely bitter, he would hold them under his tongue. The idea is that there are some blood arteries under your tongue and medicine goes directly into it if you suck on something under your tongue.

Nagget descended the stairs with a glass in each hand. They were special McDonald's promotional Batman glasses. This won some brownie points for him with Mike. He gladly took his chai from Nagget and Nagget gave the glass of water to Anna. Anna started drinking it immediately.

"So..." Nagget began as he sat down next to Anna. "Have you told her about this stuff?"

Mike stood by the book shelf and looked down at his feet.

Anna nodded. "He told me the story. But I just don't believe it. I mean... Who could?"

Nagget smiled. "I do." Anna looked at him, perplexed. "Let me show you something." Nagget got up and went for the bookshelf by his fifty inch wide screen TV that was hanging on the wall before them. He looked through his paper back titles and pulled out the only hardcovers he had from it. It was Charles Darwin's "On The Origin of Species." Mike loved the man just that much more for it too. Nagget opened the book and took out a folded piece of paper. He then put the book back and brought the folded bit of mushed tree pulp and sat it on the coffee table that sat before them. "This..." He opened the folded piece of paper to reveal a red splotch in the middle of the fold. "This is the stuff he told you about."

"I didn't think you actually kept some of the stuff." Mike said with an air of disbelief. "I'd be scared to keep that shit around me."

Anna looked perplexed. "Is that the fertilizer my father talked about?" She reached for it. "He said it's proprietary. You really shouldn't have that."

"But look at this." Nagget said as he took a pin and scraped a tiny bit of the red stuff off of the page. He then reached over with his free hand and dipped his finger in Anna's water. Anna immediately showed signs of disgust. She wasn't going to be drinking from that cup again. Nagget then sprinkled some of the water from his forefinger onto the pin tip. It started to hiss and bubble then expand. Like that movie "The Blob" it started slinking up the pen and it almost got to Nagget's finger but he let it go before that could happen.

"Shit!" Mike shouted. Nagget raised his hands and then lowered them in a gesture that indicated him to quiet down. Anna scooted back into the couch in fear. She started rubbing her arms again.

"What is that?" She asked, her voice trembling.

"I don't know..." Nagget said as he watched the stuff eat away the pin and then started bubbling on the spot of carpet where he had dropped it. The shag around it dissolved and the thing started to bubble bigger than before. Mike walked over to where it was and stared down at it. He could swear he saw a face in the growing red bubble. A frozen scream in the middle of something very painful indeed. Mike wondered if whatever it was that was blooming on the carpet below him could feel. Mike just wanted to step on it and make it die or go away.

What ever it was, it seemed to be calling him. "Mike..." The stuff shouted in his head as if through telepathic communication. If it wasn't spoken, somehow Anna and Nagget seemed to have heard it as well somehow.

"What the fuck?" Nagget said in disbelief. The red goop started to turn black like the pen and then formed into the pen that had the drop of red had been on. The surrounding carpet was burned as if someone had put a blow torch to it. The wood beneath had been exposed. The last of the red liquid was sucked into the pen and then it was just a pen on a burned carpet. Mike, not thinking of the consequences, picked the pen up and examined it.

It burned at the touch. Mike dropped it and then it started to vibrate on the floor. The three of them stared intently at it as the pen started sprouting arms and legs, like a human. Anna screamed at it and jumped up and off the couch. Mike and Nagget each took a few steps back, mouth agape. The pen, with hands and feet, started wobbling around the living room, bouncing into things. Mike started to reach for it but then pulled his hand back before he touched it. Then he reached out and again he pulled back. Mike felt the urge to touch the thing. This was the worst time for his OCD to kick in. Nagget ran up the mini set of stairs and went into his kitchen. Then he came back a second later with a Tupperware container and placed the box over the walking pen. Then he slid the top under it and the thing jumped onto the lid as he did. The when he had it contained he pressed down on the container and felt the lid snap shut. He then turned it right side up and examined his new find.

"What the hell is it?" Mike asked.

"Whatever it is..." Anna started. "It ain't from this world."

Mike looked at her nervously. "So you think it's from another planet too?"

Anna shook her head. "Everything has an explanation." She got up and walked over to Nagget. "May I?" She asked as he handed her the Tupperware container. She looked into the container and saw the little pen man knocking on the plastic siding. As if he were knocking on a door. She could see that the tip of it's pen head was starting to mold itself into a round head like thingy.

"Look at this." Anna said in suspended disbelief. The two other men in the room walked over to her to inspect what she had in her hands. Mike oohed while Nagget awed. The thing inside had now formed tiny genitals and the legs and arms were more well defined. It looked as if it was turning into a little man. Mike took the container from Anna, who was now scared frozen. Or at least it looked as such. Mike peeked into it and there was hair on the little man's head, along with the genitals. The little creature looked awfully familiar.

Nagget nudged his glasses back up to his eyes. He looked into the container and gasped. "It's you." He said, astonished.

"It's who?" Mike asked, too frightened to hear the answer. "Me?" Mike swallowed hard and rolled his shoulders.

"Oh my God..." Anna drew forward, arms crossed, and took a better look at the thing inside the plastic container. "It is you!" She put her hand to her mouth and let out a small cry. Tears were forming in the corners of her eyes. "Oh my God!"

Mike hesitantly leaned forward and took a quick glance at the thing inside the container. "I don't see it." Even if Mike could make out the thing's tiny features, he may have still have not seen the resemblance. Autistic people normally can't process facial features on other people, as normal people immediately know when they are seeing a face. It's part of having empathy, which people with Aspergers, like Mike, do not have. Autistic people were more math minded and saw shapes and numbers wherever they went. So Mike could take one look at the room before him and then close his eyes and tell you ever where every object in the room was located, as well as tell you a detailed overview on what the objects looked like. They are very observant with their surroundings when it doesn't come to having to recognizing and remembering human faces. To say the least, Mike was at a loss at whether or not the thing looked like him.

Mike suddenly felt a twinge of guilt for keeping such a small man in confinement. He immediately thought of it as a pet. Something in which to take his rage out on as if it were a very, very bad dog. The thought of swatting it with a rolled up newspapers amused him. "Bad dog!" He laughed under his breath.

"What?" Anna asked, not taking her eyes away from the thing in the container, which was again in her hands. "What did you say Mike?"

Mike giggled. "I said, 'Bad dog!'"

Anna and Nagget both exchanged worried glances. "Is he always this random? Or is he cracking?"

Anna smiled. "No. He's just like that normally." She gave the container back to Nagget and gave Mike another worried glance. "But I can never really tell though."

Mike rolled his shoulders.

Chapter 19

They had to get this to somebody that had the skills and know how to tell them what they needed to know. More importantly, they needed someone who wasn't from Goodington. When the subject of suitable people to inform was broached, Mike reminded them that her father, Henry Shoemaker, first selectman of Goodington, had dismissed the jelly jar of red crap that Mike had collected and took it from them. They didn't even have a chance to even talk to him about it because every time Mike, very inappropriately, asked Henry about the fertilizer that he had taken from him about seventeen times, at least that's the count when Anna was in the room with them during such Q and A's.

If they couldn't trust the local government, then who could they trust? There was barely three hundred people in Goodington and half of them were out almost beyond the town lines. Making getting to them, especially in this weather, nearly impossible. And to top that off Anna and Nagget didn't know anyone else in town who may have been smart enough to handle and converse about this little abomination of God that was now sitting Indian style on the bottom of the plastic Tupperware® container. It had tried with all it's tiny little heart (if it even had one) to get out of the container. Nagget had sat it on the coffee table and put a brick from his garden on top of it. But they did punch some holes in the top though, what ever it was, Mike reasoned, it reacted to water and was fine in the air that was in the room, it must have a similar system as ours. Ergo, the thing breathed air and if they cut off said air they could kill it before they had a chance to find out what in the Devil's name it was.

"I say we kill it." Anna argued. But the thing, being as little as it was, only had little man strength. Making whatever it is abide by the laws of physics as we know it. This reassured Mike. Because whatever it was, it was similar to humans in that it was water based and breathed air. The idea that this might be an honest to God alien made Mike shiver with pleasurable sensations on his skin and muscles as if he had had an ecstasy pill or had taken something containing CBDs (which was a new love for Mike. CBDs are the pain killing agents in pot. Normal pot only has anywhere from zilch to about two milligrams of the stuff in it. Even in Colorado where it's legal, with a license, to grow the stuff to as high a potency as you wish. Genetic conditions pending of course. But in dispensaries in or around Denver you could get pills or candy or what-knot with CBD counts up to twenty five milligrams. Most people, when on about six or eight, feel as if they had just taken some morphine laced with ecstasy. At least that's how it feels for Mike when he takes something and with Anna when she tried a CBD lollipop had said it's like taking Percocet). This meant that if it respired, then it could be killed. Or in some far out case, make it go dormant. Which is what the red stuff seems to be. Dormant alien goop. The idea made Mike smile. He was about to go down in history as the one of the three people to first find a true, bona-fide, honest to God alien.

But most importantly, he believed it could be killed. The first hint of this was when Nagget looked at the little, naked Mike through a magnifying glass and saw that the little dude had some grey hairs. It had grown to about the size of the container and was now laying in the fetal position so that it could be comfortable.

"I think this thing may grow into another you, Mike." Nagget said with a small, insecure laugh. Mike was pacing around the room, nearly making permanent foot impressions due to him having been doing so for the last hour or so. Mike thought best when he was in motion. He had started doing it when he read Stephen King's "On Writing." Mike wasn't an aspiring writer of any sorts, but he loved the big old six foot four scary story maker guy. He identified with the outsiders in his books (Except for the Republican lady who got cuffed to a bed in Gerald's Game. Also it's sad to note that for some reason, reading a whole book where the protagonist is alone on a bed for six hundred pages, makes it just a touch droll in his opinion). But basically he would read anything the guy has written. As long as it's an official book though. One that Stephen King has approved of. The only thing that had so far to elude Mike was the not finished and never will be finished online only serial called "The Plant." Mike was saddened to hear that Stephen had tried to make it available by making it free (with an optional donations thingy) and he had pulled out mid series because he said that nobody was paying for it. Mike, having Aspergers as he did. Was a logical man. And he had hoped that Mr. King wouldn't ever contradict himself in any way. But he has said many times that he loves to write, has too much money already, and would do it even if he didn't get paid and suddenly he wants more of people's money for a story he had already started as pay if you want? It made him seem snobby in some way but Mike guessed he could see it... Actually he couldn't. He loves to do evolutionary psychology stuff and would do it, and would have to do it (at least while he's interning), for free.

At least make it into a whole book at some point and then sell it. Mike preferred this, ala' his only wanting the official item. This went for everything. It was a part of his OCD. He had to have official products, which is why his phone has very little music on it. He would rather carry around a CD player.

The little man rapped on the plastic wall of the container and knocked Mike, who was holding and examining it right then, out of his day dream about tiny penises and big normal sized vaginas. Mike was startled and nearly dropped it.

"Can we look up NASA's number or something?" Mike asked.

Anna groaned. "Wouldn't they, like, quarantine the town or something?"

"It's times like this I wish I had a Geiger counter." Mike said sadly. Nagget wondered again about his mental health, seeing as there had been other, non alien times for owning a Geiger counter.

"We need to notify somebody." Nagget said as he sat at his desk where his old school dial phone sat. "Say Mike, don't you have internet on your phone?"

Mike nodded and tried to access a web browser, but he had zero bars here in the mountains so it was impossible to have accessed the internet form his phone. "Doesn't work..."

Anna was pacing around the room, trying to think this thing through. She kept raising her head and hand as if she were about to say something, only to lower said head and hand in disgust at herself. Disgust because she knew she was smart, but this was just out there as far as anything goes.

"I want to keep him as a pet." Mike said, off his mark completely as usual. Nagget gave Anna a worried look while Anna raised her head and hand again, only to lower them in shame once more. Indeed whatever it was in the container was getting bigger, but it was also aging really fast. Mike eventually plopped the little guy from the container and onto the floor, where the sides where he was laying began sizzling in a caricature into the shag carpet.

"It looks like it's dying." Mike said, completely disregarding the fact that he gave it a gender not less than an hour ago. Nagget reached out and pulled Mike from the thing on the floor. It's breathing began to be labored and no one knew whether or not it was dying before them.

Mike had an idea. "May I use one of your drink glasses?" He asked Nagget. Nagget nodded, still in awe at the naked red goop man on his floor. Mike came back with a glass of water and started pouring a few drops on the man's skin. It immediately absorbed into him and his graying hair started to receive some of it's former color. The man then reached up for the glass and Mike gave it to him. Anna and Nagget were too afraid to say anything as this went on. They just hoped that what ever it was laying on the carpet wouldn't suddenly get a mind of it's own and kill them all. But seeing as whatever it was seemed to be turning into another Mike, Anna assured Nagget that there shouldn't be any physical prowess to the thing at all. At leas that's that theory. Who died and made her an astrobiologist?

When the thing finished drinking the water it sat up on it's knees and covered it's genital region. Nagget laughed. "That's what you look like naked?"

Mike's face grew red. "I'm not a porn star okay?"

Nagget continued laughing. "What are you? Four inches?"

Both the naked man and Mike put their hands to their heads and began humming. It was Anna who first noticed this. "I'm a grower, not a shower!" The thing said in a voice that was identical to Mike's. Nagget dropped his pen that had been perched between his lips.

Mike saw that the thing, this man, this Mike thing, was shivering.

"Can we get him some clothes?" Mike asked, his humanity getting the better of him.

Nagget approached the thing next to Mike on the floor. "Can you understand us?" He asked it.

The naked man thing nodded. "Of course I can understand you, you free floating hippie!"

Mike oohed while Anna awed. Nagget just got defensive. "You're the alien. Shouldn't be telling people who or what they are!"

The man laughed. "I'm not an alien. Just millions of tiny robots." The man caught himself for a moment, as if in thought. "You DO call them robots right?"

Nagget threw up his hands. "What do you mean millions of tiny robots?"

"Like nanobots?" Mike asked, his hand massaging the thing's back as he sat next to it. To everyone's surprise, the thing didn't attack.

The man straightened where he sat. "Yes. Like nanobots. However it is alien hardware, but from the memories I gathered from your DNA and brain waves, which I can sense, I have learned your language and am prepared to make a statement in which I intend to use as reason not to kill me."

"We can kill you?" Mike asked as he rubbed in a particularly nasty knot, not fully aware of the impact he had just made on the thing.

The little man, now about three feet tall, rolled his shoulders. "Ancestral DNA and such. Thoughts and memories are just flashes of electricity going into a system of ons and offs. Like binary code." He got up and everyone immediately became defensive. "Don't flatter yourselves." It said as it walked buck ass naked into the kitchen and to the sink, where it was too small to use the faucet. "Can I get a little bit of help here?" Mike came in and poured him a glass of water. The little man's penis went up in attention and completely took Mike for surprise. "I'm not horny." It said as it and Mike walked back into the living room. "I'm still trying to figure out how all these things work exactly."

"Well..." Mike started, albeit quite uncomfortably. "That thing between your legs is how we have sex and that's how we reproduce. How do you reproduce?"

The man laughed. "We haven't had the need for sex organs in centuries. We have mastered the art of technology and what you humans call 'genetic engineering.'" The thing laughed. "You people are totally, like, in the stone age." Then the little man shut up and covered his still smiling face with his right hand. Then he frowned. "I'm totally going to get bitched at for being taken captive..."

Nagget laughed a harsh and unforgiving laugh. "We're not capturing you. But we do want some information. Are you guys aliens or are you really just a secret underground government thing?"

The little man looked helplessly from Anna to Mike then back. "I'm not going to say. All I will let you know is that you are all going to die." Then he thought it over. "Well, sort of. Once we have your DNA we don't need you anymore." He pointed to Mike. "If I am found then you will surely die as a result." The thing was smiling. It unsettled Mike.

"Why am I going to die?" Mike asked with a shiver going down the small of his back.

"Because you already exist, in me." The little man stood up and was now four feet tall. Mike wondered if they would have to subdue the thing sooner than later. It was growing fast. "Physics say that nothing can occupy the space of another if it's already there."

Nagget scoffed. "But you aren't in Mike's space! And on second thought, how are you growing?"

"I'm taking atoms and molecules from the surrounding air and..." He traced an outline of a happy face on the carpet, his finger sizzling in the shape on the shag like a red hot fire poker would if it were burning red. He looked up and smiled again. "It's all quite useless for you people to resist." He stood up and Mike saw, with great sadness, horror, and with a touch of self consciousness, that the man who had took his shape was far more equipped than he was. "As you can see, I'm a better version of you." The thing extended it's hand for Mike to receive and Mike almost took it too, if it weren't for Nagget and Anna both pulling him back at the same time. The thing just waved it off. "You will all be dead soon. So why not just..." He bit into his finger to the point where he drew blood. Or red good. Whatever the fuck that shit is.

Mike looked around nervously. "Do you have a weakness?" Without much thought, he went into the kitchen and got him another glass of water. The thing nodded in approval and took it. But instead of drinking it the thing just absorbed the water, glass and all, into its hand.

"Why would I reveal a thing like that?" It said with an evil smirk.

"I think we should tie him up." Nagget said. The thing looked annoyed when he said this. As if he were batshit insane.

"Go ahead and try." It laughed something very sinister. Nagget went out back and brought with him a rope. Mike took one end and they started tying the thing up. At first the little man was cocky and sure of himself, but then as the rope touched his skin his smiley face turned upside down. It was not amused.

"I don't think that tying me up will win you any brownie points." The Mike said. His arms were tied along with it's body but it could still reach down to it's genitals. "I bet Anna wishes you were hung like Zack." It said in a low, scary voice. "In fact I bet she enjoys his cock on a daily basis. Isn't that right Annnnnnnaaaa?" It laughed. Anna blushed. Mike couldn't be sure, but did the thing just read her? It knew about Mike's insecurities apparently by osmosis.

The thing tried to get comfortable in such a tight confinement. "May I ask that I be dressed like any other dignified sentient being?"

Nagget was still tying the knot around the thing's back while Mike held it tight. "No." He said. "You are going to be cut up and studied by NASA."

The thing laughed. "To the moon!" And broke out in hysterics.

The shrill laugh coming from the thing sitting tied up on the floor was indeed enough to make one's flesh break out into goose pimples.

Mike had a thought. "Why aren't you absorbing the rope?"

The thing just looked at him and smiled. "Trade secret buddy."

"You're not my buddy."

The thing was now bigger. Mike had kept getting it water but by now Nagget was running out of drinking glasses. Nagget didn't seem to mind though. He was fully enthralled at the better bodied version of Mike. The thing didn't look skinny and pale like Mike did anymore. The thing had a complete and buff mid-section now. It was not only bigger in the genital region as Mike, but it seemed to be taller and way more fit.

As if reading Mike's mind the thing said "I'm the best possible you there can be. You missed out during your formative years. You could have been as good looking as me. Probably even had been fucking in high school if you had this power tool!" Its penis raised in attention to its full length and both Mike and Nagget were held in it's visual grasp. albeit for different reasons, of course.

"Would you like to see a better you, Mr. Nagget?" The thing asked, still smirking as if it knew something the world didn't.

Nagget felt his skin break out into goose-bumps. He wasn't sure whether or not to answer. He needed a joint. Nagget went into the can of cookies that was stationed on his coffee table and took out a kadzoo looking pen from it along with two little containers of THC wax. He unscrewed the vaporizing pen and then took a dab, with a pencil, of the wax and placed it on the coil of the exposed pen. Then he screwed it back in and took a long, slow draw from the thing and blew out a steady stream of vaporized THC smoke. The thing in the corner of the room started coughing something fierce. The three of them looked at the little man, who wasn't so little now, and wondered collectively why it was coughing.

Mike took the vaporizing pen from Nagget and took in a long, slow hit from it. He held in the smoke in his lungs and walked over to the thing that was sitting on the shag carpet, naked as the day he was formed. Which was today. Mike exhaled and blew the smoke in the creature's face. Immediately the thing's face started melting on it's right side. First the skin peeled back on it's face, revealing bloodied bone and tendons. Then the bone started to melt down in drips like melted candle wax.

"NO!!!" The thing cried.

"Nagget." Mike said as he watched himself melt vicariously. "What's the rope made from?"

"Hemp." Nagget said. "Of course."

Anna walked over to the thing and watched in awe as it's head was halfway gone. The red stuff was leaking out from it and Mike could see some silvery spots in the blood like substance. Mike then went back into the kitchen to get another cup for water. To his dismay, Nagget was out. The thing had absorbed all of his available cups. Mike cupped his hand and ran the faucet over it, collecting a small amount of water as he did so. Then, with minimal spillage, he was able to bring enough water to stop the chemical reaction that had been set in motion from the THC. Or at least that's what Mike had figured. There are a number of different chemicals in marijuana and even more when the stuff is set on fire. One thing Mike remembered from talking to his "enlightened" Dr. George was that even though the stuff leaves resin that seems to build up into monster sized resin balls when collected after normal use of a pipe, the resin is actually fat soluble. Meaning that it wouldn't have anywhere to cling onto in the lungs. It being made up of mostly water (along with at least 70% rest of your body) it doesn't stick like tobacco smoke does, which is water soluble and therefore sticks to the spongy water logged lungs of many a person smoking today.

The only problem with having the good is having the bad. It turns out that THC stops new neuron cells from forming. It puts like a moratorium on new brain matter inside your head. Meaning that the regular wear and tear of any organ, but most importantly the brain, won't be repaired by normal rest. Mike valued his high IQ as being the only thing that could endear him to anyone. At least that's how he feels anyways. And he wasn't about to let getting a little high now and then get in the way of him retaining his smartness. Getting high be damned!

Unless it's a Percocet, Mike thought serenely.

While in the midst of thinking about THC and his high IQ, he was unaware that the water he had splashed on the melting imposter Mike's face had made him re-grow his bone, muscle, and skin with astonishing speed. The red goop Mike had reformed his face and was now staring at Mike as Mike thought about how he was too smart to ever smoke pot habitually. The funny thing is, however, that if Mike hadn't smoked the first hit that had been blown in the imposter Mike's face, he wouldn't be high, standing in front of his evil twin, and thinking about pot. If he hadn't been, or if he was even a foot farther from his nanobot twin, he would have been able to keep his pinky finger.

Nagget, who was plenty high even before they had come to his house, was the second person in the room to make the connection of good Mike being too close to evil Mike. Too bad the first one to notice was evil Mike. Well, he wasn't exactly considered evil. That is, before he decided the best course of action would be to bite good Mike's pinky finger off of his left hand.

Oh my yes... There was blood. It was pulsing with Mike's heart beat all over the imposter Mike, who just smiled and started laughing sadistically at the poor Aspie's four fingered left hand. The stump was raggedly torn and there was half a bone broken off in mid finger. When Mike realized what had just happened both Nagget and Anna tackled him and dragged his numb body away from the evil Mike and started putting pressure on his pinky stump. When Mike finally snapped out of the shock, he was in tremendous pain. If the pain was like a simile to life, then like he wanted to end it right then and there.

Nagget left Anna's hand to clasp shut the wound on Mike's hand while he went and got his blow torch. You know... For doing marijuana wax hits on a metal tip. It's really quite an extravagant contraption, really. But too hard to describe while writing under the influence. So just Google it you lazy sons of bitches!

With his blow torch, Nagget snapped on the gas and lit the end with his lighter. Then he torched the still pumping stump of a pinky finger. Mike screamed a scream so shrill that anyone who would have been by any of the windows in the living room could feel them shake and shutter.

The now evil Mike was laughing and joking while all the carnage he had caused played out in front of him. "Got you nose?" It giggled, his face dripping in good Mike's blood. "Got your pinky motha-fuckas!"

Once the wound had been cauterized Mike was in too much pain to really have any other emotions at the moment. But once it sunk in to him that this thing ate his pinky finger, and that it would never, ever grow back, he was full of piss and / or vinegar. The king of combination that causes normally nice, shy students of academia, to totally flip their shit and start strangling their evil twin. Happens all the time! Surprised it hadn't happened yet already.

The evil twin's neck burned to the touch, but that didn't stop Mike from digging his fingers deep into the villainous man's throat. If it were nanobots at work then this was some sort of weird malfunction. Because collectively they responded like a normal person would, they died. Green liquid that sort of looked like Gatorade splashed out of the finger caused wounds in evil Mike's neck and all over the shag carpet. Both Nagget and Anna were on good Mike's back, trying to get him to heel. But they had no such luck. The kind of strength one mother may find when her baby's in trouble and stuck under a car that would enable her to lift the vehicle and nab the child to safety, was the very same drive that gave him steam like a locomotive engine. Nagget and Anna were able to free Mike form Mike's grasped, but good Mike took a part of his evil twin's neck with him. Effectively tearing a large, tattered opening in the thing's neck.

With Mike being held back by his girlfriend and sometimes weird gay friend he could see the damage he had done to his evil self. They all stopped struggling and looked at Mike's evil twin. He was bleeding into the hole in his neck and it looked and sounded like he was choking in his own neon colored blood. The stuff pulsed out of him like a person with a rapid heart beat would. This all happened within a matter of seconds, but the damage done was on a grand scale.

Mike stared at the gasping, choking creature, taking in almost physically pleasure as he did so. Nagget was frozen by Mike's side along with Anna, who was on his right.

The thing made a few more gasps for air (or whatever it breathed) and then slumped over. Its head staring down at its crotch. Mike walked up to the thing and tears immediately followed. He grabbed the stump on his left hand and curled up into the fetal position on the floor. Practically bathing in the creature's blood. He let out terrible wails of pain and discomfort. Neither Nagget nor Anna knew what to do. The wound had been dealt with, should they seek a doctor?

Anna was the first to break out of her daze and the severity of Mike's pain reverberated all over the inside of her skull. She had to put her hands to her ears. She walked timidly over to where the thing had collapsed in death and where Mike had collapsed in the fetal position. On closer inspection, Mike was sucking his right hand's thumb almost like an insecure child would. His cries of pain hurt her to the core. She didn't know what to do or say, but she would have done anything at that moment to get Mike's pinky finger back. She knew how he liked staying symmetrical. When he healed up he was going to have quite the hard time adjusting to only having nine fingers. Part of her wondered if he'd really go as far as to cut off his other pinky finger just to be equaled out.

Part of Mike must have been thinking the same thing too, because despite the pain he was in, he got up and walked to the kitchen and pulled out a long butcher's knife and began aiming it for his right hand's pinky finger. If it weren't for the fast thinking and acting of Nagget, Mike probably would have only had eight fingers. In Mikes defense, who knows why such a compulsion is so strong? Surely there are fields of brain matter just devoted to his keep count of every step he's taken that day. Sometimes the brain adapts and uses otherwise good bits of brain matter for other purposes, which is probably why Mike can sometimes smell music. But that rears it's ugly head into synesthesia, in which sufferers (if you can call them that) wind up sensing one stimuli with a completely different sensation. Mike could see math and see music, much similar to another widely reputed Asperger's sufferer, Albert Einstein. Does it go to say that Mike was capable of superhuman math? Maybe. If not for all the numbers... Those things generally pissed Mike off, so he instead focused on things having to do with English.

All of this went through his head during the time it took for the knife to be correctly placed above his right pinky finger and Nagget tackling him. When Mike was able to make sense of his senses again, he wondered why he was in the arms of a very large homosexual man. Mike wasn't one prone to gay panic, no more than the average guy. Well... Not like the average guy actually, Mike didn't give many people credit anyways, but for the sake of this story, Mike tried frantically to get out of the big bear's arms. Nagget let go and Mike was on his feet within seconds of waking up to his senses.

The pain was still tremendous. It was so hard for him to handle that he threw up in Nagget's kitchen. Feeling dizzy he walked around aimlessly until Nagget and Anna grabbed a hold of him and walked him to the couch. Mike gave his dead clone a contemptuous glance.

Nagget walked back to his kitchen and went into his refrigerator. He reached in and grabbed a brownie that was covered in Saran Wrap and brought it back into the living room.

"Here." Nagget unraveled the wrapping and tore a piece off the brownie. He put it in Mike's mouth. "This brownie has one hundred milligrams of CBD."

"What's that?" Anna asked.

Mike didn't seem to care what it was, it was a brownie. And brownies are awesome regardless of their contents. That is, laxative brownies excluded. Mike used his good hand to eat into it greedily.

Nagget gave him the last of the brownie and said "CBD's are the pain killing property in pot. When you take large doses of it you feel like you've just gotten a shot of heroin. Only it's pot. And you can't overdose on pot. At least not that I know of?"

They sat together on the couch for around ten minutes, until the CBDs took effect. Nagget went into his first aid kit and bandaged up the stump of a pinky finger the best he could. Making sure to apply sufficient pressure so that Mike wouldn't start bleeding again.

"What are we going to do about the body?" Anna asked as they raised Mike to a standing position. Nagget looked over the green blooded thing before him. It looked like it was drying out and mummifying. Then he looked over at Mike and saw that he was covered in that thing's green blood.

"I think we need to get this to a scientist." Nagget said.

Mike gave him a raspberry. "Take it to who exactly? Which scientist are you talking about, Naggot?" He said the man's last name like one would use a curse word. For the life of him he was holding back everything to not rhyme with Naggot in a hurtful way. Although at this point and time no one may have cared anyways. But he did his best to stay curtious.

Anna stared out the window and into the vast snow covered space before her. "We have to tell my dad." She stated matter of factly.

Mike shook his head. "He'd just accuse of of murder and then sue us for stealing proprietary fertilizer!" He kicked the coffee table and immediately regretted it, seeing as he wasn't wearing really thick shoes. He popped his toe in a fit of rage that followed. "HOLY COCK OF CHRIST!!!" He screamed, then broke out into tears.

Anna left them to themselves and Nagget took out his useless phone. He wondered why he had gotten rid of his land line in the first place. It was just another fifty dollars a month, and it was useful in situations like this one. If there had ever been a situation like this one before...

Anna came back into the living room with a bulky gray phone, the kind they used to make like ten years ago. "It's a satellite phone." She dialed a number, presumably her father's. She held it up to her ear. "Fuck!" She said in disappointment.

Nagget shook his head. "Damn mountains fucking block the signals."

Mike on the other hand, was starting to feel the full effect of something normally dosed out between two and twenty five milligrams but instead a hundred. Damn that brownie was good. And it didn't really taste that all like pot.

Mike was in a daze and didn't really hear what was going on around him. He walked calmly to the body of the deceased whatever it is. He inspected his naked clone and thought to himself that who ever created these nanobots knew a thing or two about attractiveness. The man had a sharper jaw line, the aforementioned big schlong, and his stomach was ripped. It was like looking into a fun house mirror that made you look better instead of warped. Mike inspected the wound on it's neck and was a touch scared at what he had done. The man was just like a human as far as soft bodies go. But why did it die instead of building another body?

While Anna and Nagget were in the living room talking up a storm, Mike used his good hand to cup some water from the faucet. He then, to both Nagget's and Anna's horror as soon as they broke away from their warbling, Mike sprinkled some water over the thing's neck. The dry skin immediately healed up into soft tissue again and then it's heart (or whatever it has) started beating again. This time the green blood gushed out of it's neck wound like a bloody metronome. Mike wanted to ask it some more questions but the thing died again before he could assess the situation.

"Fuck." Mike said as he went back into the kitchen for more water. Anna and Nagget all but tackled him on his way. They pinned him down at the part of the house where the levels split into short and tall. Mike was uncomfortable, but very high. Every touch felt like an orgasm on his skin. He wondered what sex would feel like under such circumstances. But then he realized that he was missing a pinky. What woman in their right mind would want to fuck a guy with nine fingers? It was lunacy to think otherwise.

Mike began to cry. Soon Nagget and Anna were sobbing along with him, all three of them sitting by the stairs. Mike held onto Anna tightly, leaving Nagget no one but himself. Better him than no one, he thought, and hugged himself before joining the two in a group hug.

"Anna," Mike said between broken cries. "We need to get this thing to the cops."

"I don't think they're the ones we need." Nagget said thoughtfully.

Anna looked confused. "Why not? We need some medical attention for Mike's missing pinky finger."

Mike started to cry again.

Chapter 20

Mike sat in the car with the engine running trying to stay warm with the heat on full blast. Anna and Nagget had covered up the body and rolled it into a long brown and manilla rug. This way they loaded the body into the car's trunk. Mike was riding high on the CBD brownie and was even singing along to Anna's Incubus CD. And Mike isn't particularly fond of them either, calling them a bunch of rich kids who started a band. Whether or not they were indeed rich kids who had started a band was in dispute. Mike thought anybody who grew up in a two story home was rich. Anna didn't know enough about them to really say one way or another. She just liked Brandon Boyd's flat stomach and "I'm a coo guy" vocal style. Indeed. Brandon Boyd is a magnificent piece of work.

While Mike was nodding in and out of consciousness to Incubus, Anna and Nagget were able to fit the body into the trunk. Nagget watched as Anna pulled down her trunk. "I'm going to bring this to my father." She pointed her thumb back at the trunk.

"I'd rather you bring it to the police. What do you think your father can do with it?" Nagget asked as he rubbed his arms for warmth against the bitter Colorado wind.

Anna brushed back her hair and smiled. "If anyone knows what to do, it's my father."

"Didn't he confiscate the last bit of that red stuff? Them techno bots?"

Anna shook her head and gave a wan smile. "I bet you with all my heart that my father didn't know what it was."

Mike turned up the music, then promptly passed out.

Anna looked at Mike warily. "I just hope he pulls through this. It must be very tough for him."

"Fucking aliens." Naggot said with disgust.

"We don't know that." Anna chided. "It could be some secret military thing or something."

Mike woke up and turned the volume down on Incubus. Then passed out again.

Anna drove up to her father's mansion and was shocked to see that there were a few police cars in the driveway. Anna pulled up and put the car in park. Mike woke up at the sudden stop of the car and looked around sleepily. He wiped the tiredness from his eyes and finally caved as to the gravity of the situation. They got out and Anna locked her car with her Honda key's little zapper thing. Mike wouldn't move from the Honda's door. Anna nodded at him and took his hand, leading him up the steps to the Mansion's wide double doors.

Anna used her key and opened the front door. She pulled Mike through the opening and they both walked into the foyer. They were greeted by a few familiar faces. Henry was holding his wife, Mary, and scowling at Mike. There were three police officers, one of them was the big guy, Arms that had been harassing Mike and Nagget.

"Well, well, well." The tall, chubby bald policeman said through a mouthful of chewing tobacco. "Looks like our guy just decided to turn himself in."

Mike wasn't struck just yet of the severity of the situation. But Anna was. She looked at the tall red headed cop and the shorter Italian looking one and back to the big one. "What has he done?"

"Oh nothing much..." The big cop paused for effect. "Just destruction of property, the felony one." He paused and looked at her dumbly. "For one."

"How do you know Mike did it?" Anna put her arm over Mike's chest, as if shielding him from an unspeakable horror.

The big cop smiled and looked to the red headed one for encouragement. When the tall yet still smaller than the big cop cop gave him a thumbs up, the big guy pulled out his cuffs. Mike's eyes dilated and he began to scream as he crumbled down onto the floor. "Just fucking shoot me!" Mike screamed.

Henry, holding Mary, was the first non Anna person to notice Mike's stump of a pinky finger. All bandaged up and blood stained. "What in the name of Jesus Christ happened to you?"

Mike looked up from the floor where he lay. "Some guy bit off my finger." He showed them all the bandaged stump. "We have the body in the trunk."

Everyone but Anna's jaw dropped at hearing this. The big cop nodded to the tall red head and the tall red headed cop headed for the door. "Ma'am." He said to Anna. "Would you mind following me?"

Mike looked at her and she nodded and said "It's going to be okay Mike. We'll get through this."

The tall red headed cop took her by her arm and led her out of the foyer and onto the mansion's lawn. Mike seated himself on the hard marble floor and looked up at the big cop, who was smiling something fierce.

Anna led the red haired cop who's tag said "Rusty" to her car. She gave the tall red head a second look, as if he were going to completely wipe this situation clean. She pressed the car door key and her trunk flew open. If she were more aware of her surroundings, then maybe she wouldn't have been attacked from behind like an animal during season. Rusty grabbed her from behind and put a knife to her back. All that shit about life flashing before your eyes is just bullshit. She felt her eyes tear up and also the erection in Rusty's pants.

"I love killing you." He said as he drove the knife, and his erection, deep into her back.

"We found your finger prints all over the guest house Inman." He made a swallowing sound, leaving Mike to believe that the man, rather than spit on the marble flooring, had just swallowed some tobacco juice. Mike felt like he wanted to vomit.

"Of course my prints are all over the house." Mike said heatedly. "I lived in there before everything happened."

The big cop smiled. "Come with me, Innnnnnnnnnnnnnnnman." He reached down and pulled Mike up with his large, meaty hands. As they were leaving suddenly Zack comes downs the steps.

"What the fuck is going on?" Zack asked. He was wearing a white muscle shirt, which in fact showed little to no muscle at all, and blue jeans. He wasn't wearing socks and Mike noticed for the first time that his roommate, tall and thinner than Kate Moss, had toebesity. His toes were large and fat, completely random considering the man's chest was smaller than his stomach, which had gained a tiny practically unnoticeable bump on his gut. His hair was nicely washed and he looked fresh from the shower.

Henry motioned for Zack to come to him. "It turns out that your roommate caused quite a lot of property damage to our guest house."

Mary sobbed. "We took you in and gave you everything you needed!" Then she dug her head into Henry's shoulder.

Zack looked confused. "You're telling me you think that Mike is capable of something like that?"

The big cop held on tighter to Mike's arm.

Zack pointed at Mike. "I've seen this guy trip and sprain his ankle to avoid stepping on an ant." He laughed. "You think this fucking guy is responsible? I've seen the guest house and let me tell you," He walked over to Mike and raised his free arm. "These guns can't do shit like that back there!" Mike was now being touched by two men, which under the narcotic feeling of CBD's, actually felt satisfying.

If that makes me gay then so be it. Mike thought to himself and smiled.

"This little shit is smiling!" Arms said vehemently, as if that were a sign of guilt.

Anna walked in crying with the tall red headed cop Rusty. He looked to be around Zack and Mike's age, but obviously chose a different career path fitting a big guy with a low IQ.

"It's a blood bath out there sir." The tall red headed cop told the big one. "This guy tore out his throat!" His voice broke when he said this. As if he were emotional about it. "Sick thing is, is his victim has no clothes."

Mike squirmed where he was being held by force. "Anna tell him! It's my clone!" But Anna wouldn't look him in the eye. "It's my clone!" Mike shouted. Mary dug herself deeper into Henry's shoulder.

"What are you talking about?" Henry scolded.

"The red stuff!" Mike shouted as he was now being held down by the big cop, holding his bad hand behind his back and putting tremendous pressure on the pinky stump. "Ouch! You're hurting me!"

Anna still wouldn't look at Mike. Mike began to cry and right before he was deemed a threat and maced, he saw Anna's eyes. Redness was leaking upwards into her left eye. Then she smiled.

"No!" Mike cried. "They got you Anna?" Henry and the rest of the room looked at each other with bewilderment. The last thing Mike said to anyone in the room was to Zack before he got a face full of pepper spray. "Zack! Talk to Nagget! Tell him what happened here!" The bigger cop put his elbow into Mike's back and the red headed one temporarily blinded Mike with mace.

Zack was unsure as to what exactly had happened. It was all just too fast. One second a guest house is in ruins and the second Mike killed somebody? It was all just too much to comprehend.

When he left with Mary Lin's brother they had gone to her house where her father made a very compelling case against marrying his daughter. Basically do it or have your nuts cut off. The man was pretty straight forward with his demands. He making scissor motions non-stop during his visit.

He had gotten a little alone time with Mary Lin in. Just because she's pregnant doesn't mean she ain't got a tight pussy on her. Although with a little work and dedication on his part he would make sure he'd ruin her for the next guy. With this in mind he fucked her again three more times. Sticking it to the man! And to her nose and mouth and face and wherever else he may have shot semen onto. He wasn't a very smart guy and he was worried that if he came inside her again then that would somehow make her doubly pregnant. Or maybe have twins. So just to be sure he came in her hair.

After she showered and wiped herself off, Mary Lin walked back to the bed where Zack lay on his back naked, rubbing his penis up and down it's considerable length. He let out a sigh. Mary Lin dropped her towel and sat next to him, naked.

"A penny for your thoughts?" She asked sweetly as she caressed his boyish face.

"I'll pay to have that thing sucked out of you." He said, working himself to another erection.

"I don't understand honey." She followed her finger along his happy trail.

He began to jack it harder and had gotten fully erect. "An abortion you dumb waste of good resources." He was at his full nine and three fifth inches of man love stuff. "Get me a coat hanger and I'll murder the damn little bastard."

Mary Lin looked down at her naked lap. "I was thinking we could raise him together." She turned to him and smiled. He got up, knocking her off the bed, and grabbed her by the ass and stuck his entire dick into her butt. She screamed and at long last he felt like he finally got the thought into her head that he doesn't like her. He suddenly felt a warm lubricant and looked down to see that he'd ripped her.

"Making your ass bleed bitch!" Zack proudly proclaimed.

Mary Lin screamed. Sure her stupid redneck father would hear him fucking his daughter. The thought made Zack pump more and more and more and... Then he was done.

He had just cummed in her colon.

Zack dismounted Mary Lin and went to the bathroom to clean the blood and shit off his penis. He used her soap and wash rag to do it too. Mary Lin wobbled into the bathroom with him.

She put her arms around his waist and kissed his neck. "I love you."

Zack began to literally question her sanity. "Uh..." He couldn't think of a damn thing to ask or tell her. She just looked at him dumbly with a great, childlike smile. "Listen." He said, taking her hands off of him with his own. "I'm going to pay for an abortion. You are losing that thing in your stomach."

"Uterus." Mary Lin said as she wrapped her fingers around Zack's hand.

Zack threw her hands off of him. "What?"

She just came back and wrapped her arms around his waist again. "A baby grows in the uterus. Not the stomach."

Zack peeled her off and slapped her in the face. "Can't you see? I don't want to even fucking know you anymore!"

Mary Lin giggled. "Oh you." And, once again, wrapped herself around Zack's non-existent waist. "Next you're going to tell me that you don't want to marry me." She smiled and kissed his neck again, if only because she wasn't tall enough to kiss him on the mouth. He would not bend down to let her.

Zack snorted. "I don't want to fucking marry you, you stupid fucking cock cum stain of a venereal disease carrying whore!"

Mary Lin licked her lips and smiled. "I love you so much."

Zack was at a loss for words. "Why are you refusing to acknowledge that I hate your fucking guts!?"

Mary Lin straightened up. "Because I know that deep down you don't mean any of these hateful things you say." She giggled and took his hand and kissed it. "I love everything about you."

"You know that I have hepatitis C." Zack said, hoping to get a rise out of her.

"You only have a five percent chance of getting it through semen." She said with a smirk. She started reaching upwards and playing with his short, spiky black hair which was rigid with hair glue.

"Where in the fuck did you hear that?" Zack said as he walked to the toilet and pissed a few inches from the bowl, effectively wetting her showering towel on the rack by the toilet with his manly urine. He was feeling very proud of himself at the moment. He smiled and put one hand on the small of his back while the other long boney hand guided his stream of Mary Lin hate randomly over the top of the toilet and wetting the floor below him.

Anna smiled and put a hand to her hip. "Oh stop it silly!" She took the urine soaked towel from the rack and wiped off the mess he had been making. Zack put up his hands in frustration.

"You stupid cunt!" He yelled as he ran his fist into her jaw. There was a loud crack and her jaw was stuck in a weird position. She cried out in pain and then readjusted her jaw back to it's original position. Which also came with a loud crack. There was a large yellow and red mark on the side of her face and the left side of her mouth was bleeding. Dripping down her mouth. She walked over to the sink and wiped the tears from her eyes. Then she bent over the sink and spit blood and a tooth into the basin below her. She took the tooth from the pool of blood and raised it up at eye level.

"Looks like I'm going to get a visit from the tooth fairy tonight." She said with a warm and inviting smile. Zack's jaw hung loose on his mouth. Mary Lin Giggled.

Zack felt light headed as he did a face-palm. Effectively knocking himself to the ground in an excess display of left over pre-pubescent angst. "Look what you did Mary Lin!" He said while he lay on the floor crying. "You broke it!"

Zack lay for a while longer on Mary Lin's bed. He had dressed after the tooth debacle and finally expected to get his shit fucked up by her father but he just took one look at her and then to him and said "Boy..." He paused mid-sentence. Zack stood defiantly before half her genetic chromosomal provider. He balled up his fist and Zack closed his eyes and smiled.

"Give it your best shot gramps." Zack said with a smirk in his voice.

Instead of having to brace himself from her dad, he seemed to have punched his daughter in the face as well. "Fucking whore! You do right by your man here!" He looked at Zack and beamed with pride. "He's a business major." He walked over to where Zack stood frozen with fear and put his hand on Zack's shoulder. Making Zack jump with fright. "After all. This is the man that other piranha killing kid could never be." He looked Zack in his terrified eyes. "A man's man!"

"It was a red bellied pacu." Zack corrected Mr. Mary Lin.

"What's the difference?" Mister Mary Lin asked stupidly.

No matter what he tried, Zack couldn't break free of Mary Lin or her family. The big one decided to do one of those Jewish dances, the one where you hold a man in his chair above the other men's heads, despite him being a die hard Catholic that he is. He lifted Zack off the ground and Zack immediately fell off the chair. He had been held up by a few other of the larger members of the family and was sort of crowd surfing in the room.

No matter what Zack said or did, the father would not relent. When he had asked him about getting his daughter an abortion, the man just said that he would take one of his kidneys in exchange for him marrying his daughter. Zack, for whatever reason that can't just be from fright, had relented. Zack was also helped along with his decision made with the fact that a three of the larger of Mary Lin's brethren were cops in this no jack punk ass backwards town.

"I've already alerted Ronald Libby from our church." Mary Lin's prideful father stated. "We're good to go tomorrow." He wrapped his large meaty arms around Zack's tiny chest and gave him a very tight and pressing bear hug. Bear, by the way, was a good way to classify many of Mary Lin's male relatives. Her brother's were big oily beasts with brows thick as fox fur.

Zack had thrown up twice that day. Not that he had anything to eat that day. One way he stayed nice and anorexic was to avoid sweets and treat food as a functional part of his day. In fact Zack was extremely scared of gaining weight. He had been a fat teenager. Complete with the acne that inevitably follows being a fat fuck. A big oily beast like Mary Lin's brothers. At least he had the decency to wear deodorant.

Mary Lin had borrowed her father's car and dropped him off at the Shoemaker's mansion. He had taken a shower and taken a nap when he heard people talking downstairs. Then there was the door, which opened and shut a few times within a ten minute period, and then he had heard muffled voices. Finally he heard that high timbre that was Mike's voice, which had caused him to become curious and come down stairs. When he saw Mike being held down by a cop his first thought was 'I hope he doesn't look at my feet. I forgot to wear socks!'. His second thought came as 'Holy shit! Mike's getting canned!'

When the cops had left with him Zack was at a loss of what to do. He walked up to Anna, who was talking with her grief stricken mother, and asked "What the hell happened?"

Anna wiped a tear from her eye. "Mike was the one who tore the guesthouse to pieces."

Zack laughed. "Really?"

Anna wiped another errant tear from her left eye. She held onto her handkerchief tightly.

Zack looked at her, tilting his head to the side. "How do you know he did it? He said some other dude did it."

"His finger prints are everywhere." Anna wailed, as if there were no other logical reasons for said destruction.

Zack remembered Mike said to talk to Nagget. Something was going on and Anna and her family was behind it. He knew something was fishy when Anna told him that she believed that Mike did the property damage. Plus, wasn't Mike wearing a bandage where a finger should be?

After Mike had cried as much as he could, he sat in the back of the police car and was terribly uncomfortable with the seating arrangement. The back seat was made of hard black plastic and his cuffs were digging into his skin. His hand felt wet where he had lost his pinky and he was becoming light headed.

"I need to see a doctor." Mike moaned in the back seat.

Rusty the tall skinny red headed cop scoffed. "What you need is a good ass whooping."

Mike felt the seat of his pants, where his hands were, grow warm with blood. "I'm serious. Dude bit off my pinky." Mike shifted in his seat. "It's bleeding really bad."

"I'll believe that when I see it." The cop said defiantly.

Mike did a double take. "It's right here on my left hand." He tried to maneuver himself to where there wasn't so much pressure on his hand. "Are you not acknowledging the seriousness of the situation here because you don't have a substantial IQ and are therefore subject to authoritarian orders via a dictatorship agenda?"

The red head cop nodded and then shook his head. "What are you trying to do? Fuck with my head?"

"Please sir! Take me to a hospital!" Mike cried out.

"So you got a missing pinky finger." The cop said in an absurdly fatherly voice. The menace suddenly gone. "At least you still have nine more."

Mike began to wail.

Zack put on his clothes and went downstairs for something to eat. He had on his ear buds and was listening to The Descendants. Not the famous one, Milo Goes to College, but the lesser known b-sides collection. You know. Because he's a punk and that makes him better than you. He rocked his head back and forth to the music and whistled along. It hadn't occurred to him to check up on Anna's story but remembered that Mike had wanted him to talk to that creepy Nagget guy. Just the thought of that big burly bearlike monstrosity just gave him the shivers. Not unlike the kind you get like when you pee standing up.

He walked into the kitchen from the dining room and started perusing the cupboards. All he could find was bottled water and corn. "Son of bitch."

As he was looking up into the top cabinets, he felt a poke. He turned around, suddenly aware of his mortality. And... It was Consuelo. He grabbed her head and they both kissed passionately. After a long and sensual fluid exchange she pulled back. "Me have to say something Mr. Zack."

"Oh come on baby." Zack cooed. "Just let Uncle Zack stick it in your ass."

"Mesa pregnant." Consuelo said somberly with a blank stupid expression.

"I um..." Zack disengaged. He tilted his head in thought. He shrugged his shoulders. "El abortionito?"

"No. No abortion Mr. Zack." Her slow clipped English was suddenly infuriating. "Me having baby Mr. Zack." She folded her hands into her chest and walked passed Zack and over to the refrigerator. She took out some steaks from the freezer and put them on the butcher's block. She went to another cabinet and got herself a large Tupperware container. She then went into the walk-in refrigerator and took out some teriyaki sauce and poured it into the container. Then she put the meat into the puddle of oriental seasoning sauce. It just occurred to Zack 'holy shit! She's pregnant and she's still making dinner?' She was indeed a magnificent beast.

Zack walked up to where she stood stirring the meat in the sauce, making sure everything gets soaked. "Say uh... Consuelo." He put his long arm around her short Mexican body. "El clothes hanger?" Zack smiled but Consuelo just stood there mixing up the meat. "El abortiono?"

Consuelo turned to Zack and stated plainly. "No... No... Me have baby."

She held out her hands for a hug. Zack stood back. "You are the worst stereotype I've ever fucked!" And he left the kitchen and headed to the foyer. He found two large empty water bottles on one of the desks near the stairs. He heard foot-steps coming down from the stairs. He looked up and saw that it was Anna. She was almost floating down. It was otherworldly the way she moved. She also held in her hand a half filled water bottle.

"Well hello Zack." Anna said excitedly. She walked down and stood toe to toe with Zack. Even though her head came to his chest he was still excited by the way she was moving around. Like she was a lioness protecting her cubs... With sex.

Zack swallowed. "Hey Anna. Can I use your car?" He jingled an imaginary set of keys in front of her. She laughed.

"Oh you." Anna put her water bottle on a nearby table and walked up to Zack's chest. She started putting her arms around him. "If you fuck me I'll give you the keys."

Zack felt himself get hard. "Well, as cool as that sounds. You're still Mike's girl."

She felt around his groin. "He's a killer who is behind bars. He doesn't matter now."

"Holy shit!" Zack said, throwing up his hands in exasperation.

After a five minute fuck with Anna she gave him the keys to her car. Zack was putting back on his pants and she lay in bed naked and calmly staring at Zack's half naked body. "I love guys with zero percent body fat."

Zack smiled as he buttoned up his jacket. "I never knew you were a cheating ho." He slipped on his black Converse hi top shoes and tied them tightly. "But it's good to know that no matter what Mike may have done with you, I've effectively ruined him for you." He blew her a kiss. "You're both welcome."

Zack left her writhing in bed in the after glow of what she said was the best fuck she's ever had. It made Zack feel damn good about himself but an even bigger part of him wanted to go investigate that Nagget lead. Something happened and Zack couldn't imagine Mike in a million years committing murder and property damage. The nutcase would rather trip over his feet than have to step on an ant. And to some degree that made sense for his character.

As he got into the car he noticed little green stains in the back seat. There was a little streak of red near the floor board in the back seat shag carpet. It stunk too. Like ammonia. Ammonia and something else he couldn't quite place. Like moldy grass. Definitely something plant based.

Zack didn't let these little nuances stop him from putting the car in drive and speeding down Lincoln Ave. He ran a few stop signs and on the way passed one cop going nearly eighty.

The two cops in the car were eating donuts from the local bakery and one saw the car speed passed them. He had his speed monitor on him.

"That young'en is going pretty fast." The shorter cop with the mustache said.

The other cop, taller and lankier with a bright red beard that clashed with his blond hair, just shrugged. "It looks like that nice young Zack boy that Shoemaker has been all up about. From what I hear he is a fine upstanding young citizen. Sure could use more men like that around." He put a cherry crème filled doughnut into his mouth, making it leak down his mouth.

The shorter cop nodded in agreement. "I can always tell the good eggs from the bad eggs." And he pointed to where Zack had sped across the street. "And that is one good egg."

"Hand me my coffee."

Zack had worn an extra jacket to help combat the cold outside. He was wearing three layers of clothes yet without any body fat on him he was cold as all get out. He could feel his toes freezing up on him. He had stepped in knee deep snow in some parts of Nagget's yard and now he was up on his porch. Zack kicked his shoes against the wooden siding of Nagget's house to shake the excess snow from his shoes and knocked on the door.

Nagget answered fully dressed. With a green sweater and blue jeans. He didn't seem his normally gay self. "I take it that since you are here then they've gotten to Mike and Anna."

Zack squished his face in an expression of confusion. "What the hell are you talking about?" Zack let himself in and pushed Nagget as he passed the door. Nagget was in a state of shock from being manhandled to the side. Zack walked into the living room and turned around. "Mike was arrested for murder."

"Oh boy." Nagget said as he closed the front door. "I thought this conspiracy was bigger than we had initially thought."

"Conspiracy?" Zack asked, bewildered he sat down on Nagget's brown corduroy couch. He put his head in his hands. "What are you talking about?"

"This..." Nagget said as he went into his kitchen and took a plastic container off of his kitchen counter. He showed it to Zack. Zack couldn't believe what he saw. It was a little man, complete with man bush on the little dude's business. On closer inspection, it looked like Mike.

"What the fuck is this?" Zack asked, suddenly alarmed and aware of his own mortality. Nagget just giggled and went back into the kitchen and brought back a glass of water. He also had a joint in the other hand. He put the glass down and lit the joint. Zack watched as the man inhaled a great deep breath of the stuff and exhale. Then he opened the container and poured the water into it. As if by some black magic, the little Mike got bigger and bigger until he was around three feet tall. Zack watched as he saw the Mike replica writhe and wail on the carpet in what looked like agonizing growing pains. Zack wanted to feel sorry for it but he didn't even know what it was. Then when the thing sat up and looked dumbly at Zack, as if it were searching for it's meaning on this planet or some other dramatic life altering consciousness.

It opened it's mouth. "Zack? What am I doing here?" Then Nagget took in a large hit from his joint and blew it across little Mike's face. The thing's mouth immediately melted into a puddle of red and green at the the thing's feet. It's nose appeared to go inside it's skull as if it were hiding from something terrible. The thing stood up, all four feet of it, and walked around with now blinded eyes. The clone Mike walked over to where Zack was and Zack jumped from his seat on the couch and jumped over the couch and used it to shield him from the thing in front of him.

"What the fuck is this shit?!" Zack screamed as he held up his hands in defense. Nagget laughed and blew more smoke onto the now headless walking man. The smoke blew through him like an errant neutrino, you know it's there but it just won't interact with it's surroundings. The smoke passed through the chest of the headless man and it broke into slushy pile of red meat and green blood. It now resembled a compost heap, complete with steam rising from it.

Zack bit his lip and ran over to Nagget and grabbed him by his shirt collar. "What the fuck is going on here fagot man?" Zack said bitterly between his teeth.

If Nagget felt scared, he didn't let it show. He brushed Zack back and straightened up the button up flannel shirt beneath his green sweater. "That..." Nagget began. He cleared his throat. "That was what I think is alien technology. Or government technology." He walked over to the pile of alien or government test goop and gently kicked it with his shoe. "From what we know they are nano-bots. They use water to run and any plain old matter to multiply and grow." Nagget took a piece of the pile, a nearly square piece of flesh with red meat on the back of it. It was dripping in green stuff and Nagget motioned for Zack to follow him. "I'm assuming that since Mike touched it first, it got his DNA." He plopped the piece of flesh into the kitchen sink. Zack looked over Nagget's shoulders to see what he was doing. "Watch this." Nagget turned on the water and the piece of skin absorbed it up with frightening speed. Then the thing sprouted legs and arms and a head. Then came the genitals and hair, both head and pubic. There was now a little man laying in the kitchen sink.

"What the hell..." Zack said. He was now dumbfounded and had no idea of what to do or say. "So that thing became Mike because it has his DNA?"

"Yes." Nagget nodded as he scooped up the little man and put him into a plastic Tupperware container. "Mike said when he touched the thing before it burned. So don't touch the stuff."

"Shouldn't scientists or somebody know of this stuff?" Zack asked.

Nagget shook his head. "Until we can find a phone that works and someone to call on said phone, we have to do things ourselves." Nagget said with a smile. "With the phone lines down and all." He wiped the sweat from his brow. Zack took the plastic container and looked at the little man inside. The tiny Mike started rapping on the side of it and looked like it was having a panic attack.

"Is this thing really Mike but just different insides?" Zack wasn't to keen when it came to vocabulary. He knew how to say "titties" and order vodka in three different languages. That was about as big of a vernacular as he could muster with his inferior brain. Not that he was stupid. Just average intelligence. And everyone knows that a young man's brain is most likely filled with naughty ideas and crazy sexual positions.

Zack remembered cumming on Consuelo's face. Holy shit! Since when did he even cum inside anybody these days? Sure he's blasted girls in the ass plenty of times. But as far as sperm in pussy, he wasn't quite sure. He would like to think that he was drunk during the excursions with the maid, but he couldn't cop to that fully. Not quite. Oh God, he was breeding at a rampant rate. If he didn't stop his libido now he would infect half the female population of Goodington with babies.

Zack thought for a second about how babies are the technical definition for a parasite. Would they be? The thought made Zack shiver. He imagined his baby boy, all tall and like him, banging chicks and multiplying and telling him that he is a twat waffle. What the fuck?

Zack shook himself free of these obscene thoughts and opened the container and wrapped his long fingers around the tiny Mike clone. The thing writhed in his hands and tried to break free, but as Mr. Shoemaker had been so impressed with before, his grip was sure and true. He wouldn't let the fucker go at any costs.

"So..." He turned it over and inspected the thing's back. "This is like Invasion of the Body Snatchers." The little guy in his hand beat at his palm with his tiny little fists. It tickled Zack. "I can totally see myself torturing this thing." Zack said with a laugh. "It's like a little stupid puppy."

"I'm not stupid penis breath!" The little man said in his hand.

Zack nearly dropped him. But he held on tightly. "What the fuck?"

"Is that all you can say numb nuts?" The tiny Mike shouted. "Maybe I should fuck your mom!"

Zack laughed again. "I like this dude. Much better than the real one that's for damn sure."

The little Mike squirmed some more. "If you don't let me go I'm going to piss in your chicken soup! How would you like that you big old cum bubble?"

"Ha!" Zack giggled. "Awesome!"

Nagget shook his head. "We need to get the original Mike back. You have to remember that he is a human with feelings and people who love him. He must be in so much agony being arrested like that. No telling what they may be doing with him at this moment." Nagget walked to the window and looked out his snow strewn front yard. "He's probably being tortured as we speak." He said with his head hung in shame.

Chapter 21

"Hello." The man with the blond curly hair said. His name tag said Bill. And he looked like a dead ringer for William Shatner. So much so that in fact it was Mike's first question for the psychiatrist.

"No, no, no." Bill shook his head and laughed. "I'm not that Bill Shatner."

"But you look so much like him." Mike said, now under full sedation from the CBDs and obviously happy to see a familiar face. When asked if he had a pain scale he had said seven or eight and they gave him fucking aspirin. He had had his pinky bitten off and they were giving him fucking aspirin. It had been Shoemaker's idea that Mike get tested by a mental health professional. After all, he wasn't your average murderer.

Mike sat stationary in his chair in front of Mr. Shatner's desk. "You look so much like him."

"Well..." The man was writing something on a legal pad. "I'm not." He looked up at Mike and smiled. "First you could tell me the list of medications you're on." He bit his pen. "If you are up to it of course." He spread his hands as if he were about to receive Mike.

Mike blinked a few times and went into automatic. "I take Lexapro, Geodon, Wellbutrin, Trazadone, Remeron, Ativan, and sometimes I am on cyproheptadine. Although I normally wind up with kidney problems when I take that stuff so I wouldn't recommend prescribing it for me."

The man looked up from his legal pad. "What makes you think I'm going to prescribe anything for you? You sure do look like a drug addict to me. I could tell when you said you took Ativan."

Mike rolled his shoulders, which was awkward with the metal cuffs still on his wrists. At least they had been nice enough in the police station to go from having him cuffed in the back to the front. It took a load off of Mike's back, which was already knotting into a dangerously tight ribbon network of hurting muscular ripples all over his back. He was in pain and rolling his shoulders this time actually popped his shoulders. Mike tried to flap his hands but the cuffs cut into his wrists. They were bleeding a little to boot. But mostly it was just skin torn and red marks.

Bill Shatner tilted his head. "Why do you think we're here today Mike?"

Mike rolled his shoulders. "Because I was set up. You guys are aliens aren't you?"

Bill wrote something down on his pad. "I think medicating you is the least of my worries." He laughed and wiped his brow. "I would like to talk to you further about your theories. Maybe then we could help you." Bill smiled. "And what are the aliens doing here Mike?"

Mike puckered up like he had just had a handful of Sour Patch Kids. "I don't know. It sometimes feel like even normal people are aliens."

"Why do you say that?"

Mike rolled his shoulders and tried in vain to flap his hands. Instead he just hurt himself again. "I'm autistic." Mike said timidly. "I have Asperger's. I'm not normal." Mike looked down at his legs and rolled his shoulders.

"Oh boy..." Dr. Shatner said with a sigh. "I suppose you will be looking for the insanity plea huh?"

Mike looked confused. "I hope not, because I didn't kill no human being!"

"But you did kill something didn't you?"

Mike scoffed. "Fucker took my pinky, so I took his voice box."

"I see." He wrote for the first time on his yellow legal pad. Mike bent over to see it and caught a glimpse of a drawing of a stick figure that had large breasts. Dr. Shatner covered it quickly and smiled dully at Mike. As if they'd just had a little moment between them.

Mike raised his cuffed hands and tried to showcase the green splotch on the shirt sleeve on his wrist. "Just add water man." Mike said. "And this thing will fucking grow into another me!"

"What do you mean by another you?" Shatner asked, looking up from his legal pad again.

"I mean that adding water to this" He held up his wrist sleeve. "and this will grow into another sentient being. Like one with emotions and junk."

Dr. Shatner sighed and began massaging his temples. "So if I add water to your shirt sleeve," He started "then it will grow into another you?"

"Yeah."

Dr. Shatner sighed again. "I find your logic hard to follow."

"Can I have something to drink?" Mike asked asbently.

"Water?" Bill laughed to himself. "So you can make a watery mess of my desk. I see through your charades you delinquent." He put his pen down on his legal pad and stood up. He walked toward the door. "I think you need more help than our prison system can provide." Shatner looked down at Mike solemnly. "I'm afraid you are a very distressed young man."

"Will the looney bin have books?" Mike asked in a voice that sounded like he had just had the wind punched out of him. His eyes shined with the precursors of tears.

Dr. Shatner smiled. "Yes Mike." He opened the door and walked through it. "We have a fine selection down at the ward."

"Ward?" Mike asked, almost afraid to let the man leave him. "It's not a hospital in itself?"

"Well of course I would recommend Pueblo. But we're snowed in. I'd rather see you in a straight jacket than all cuffed up in here." He sighed. "You are just what this town needs. A reason to sue us for being backward bigoted conservative know nothing hicks." He laughed a goodhearted laugh. "I see the things people like you will do. Sue me once, shame on me. Sue me twice, shame on..." He found it hard to finish his sentence in a way that made sense. "I will not be sued again. As far as your sentence, I'm going to see to it that you are either institutionalized or get a date with the needle." Shatner sighed. "But you do have rights and all that awful music. But I think you are a danger to society. But I'm treading lightly here. We're trying very hard to make due with the situation seeing as you are handicapped."

"I prefer handicapable as fuck." Mike said without any of the venom that he was feeling at the moment. He was not a killer! The thought of him hurting anybody made him think back to when he was a kid. He would kill frogs in mock horror movie deaths. Least to say, this never caught on with bigger and cuter animals. He feels guilty about it every day of his life. He can't even step on an ant now without being reminded of his olden days as a cold blooded cold blooded murderer. Was it worth the reenactment of Jason Voorhees biggest and most thrilling teenager life ending exploits? To this day he cannot think of this without seeing his elderly neighbor's sad old face as she quietly asked "where did all the frogs go?" That poor woman. "I used to fall asleep to their chirps but now the night is quiet." He was a kid then so now she must be long dead by now. That actually made it worse. He wonders if she knew it was him and what he had done to them? That was why he moved to Colorado. To start again. All because of some damn frogs...

"Right." Dr. Shatner said with a wink and closed the interrogation room door. Mike was in a small room with a wood and metal card table and two light green metal folding chairs. The other being currently unoccupied now that Bill Shatner has left the room. Mike put his head on the cold metal table. He heard a knock and Rusty the po' po' came into the room. Mike looked up and conveyed the hopelessness he was feeling with a series of hiccups with him saying sorry after each one. This lasted about two minutes. Rusty waited, annoyed; but he waited until Mike was done. The tall red headed cop sat down with a file and a hand held tape recorder and put them on the cold metal table top right in front of Mike's head.

"Mr. Inman." The red headed cop said. "My name is Sargent Rusty. As you may know by now." Rusty put the file on the table and caressed his red stubble strewn chin "You little fucker." He giggled. It brought a chill to run through his body like a shot of morphine.

Mike stifled a laugh. Rusty was not amused.

"Mr. Inman. You are facing some very serious charges" He said laughing "and I have been informed by the Shoemakers that they intend to press charges. Plus not to mention a murder." Rusty tsk tsk tsk'ed. "You're looking at life here at the very minimum. Now Dr. Shatner says he can arrange you to become a full time patient at Pueblo's mental health ward. Where they stick the crazies like you. You sicko." Rusty licked his lips and appeared to be touching himself. As if his own backwards brand of justice brought him sexual pleasure.

Mike looked up and asked. "Sicko?"

"Yeah you. We found your semen and blood on him."

Mike groaned. "Well, say he was my twin. That would explain that in a heart beat. Anybody who's passed a biology class in their life would know that."

Rusty chewed hard on a tooth pick. Trying to look butch. "Are you saying we don't know how to do our jobs? We caught you you little murdering psycho cum stain."

"Any attorney worth his thirty percent would be able to kill you in court."

Rusty drew back and put his hand to his holster. "Are you saying you're going to kill me next?" He tongued the tooth pick over to the left side of his bright red lips. His pale white skin marked a big contrast between his hair and freckles. Rusty went for his gun. Mike cowered in his chair and started crying. Rusty placed it on the metal card table.

Mike shook his head and honestly just started laughing. "This town is the most fucked up backwards hick conservative Rush Limbaugh hot man chowder on my best shirt fucked up! And now I want to burn that shirt and send it to hell!"

Rusty had a smirk on him along with his tooth pick chew toy. "I've seen your type here before."

"You people are all just stupid stereotypes!" Mike rolled his shoulders and couldn't help but flap his hands whilst they be cuffed. He could feel the sharp metal eat it's tight grip through his skin. The wounds underneath already had that yellow skin of platelets that fresh wounds sometimes have. "Could you please loosen up these cuffs? They are digging into my skin." The sides of Mike's mouth and his eyes were drooping so low in cold damp depression that his face almost looked like a Halloween mask.

"You're going to tell me where you hid the treasure." Rusty said as he cracked his knuckles.

"That doesn't even make sense!" Mike hollered and cried while banging his head on the metal table between them.

"You a fag son?" Rusty said with an evil smile. His eyes looked Mike over a few times before landing on his hands. "You ever been to jail?"

"No and no." Mike said timidly. Then he perked up. "You do know you can't talk about rape or anything without me being able to..." Then Mike had an idea. "I want a lawyer."

Rusty made what is best described as a hissing noise. "You suck!" He got up.

"You swallow." Mike countered.

"You're out of luck. No lawyer in this town will ever defend a horrible little killer like you."

Mike kept his head on the table top. "I want a lawyer Chuckie." He looked up and sighed. "Please. I am not a killer."

Rusty walked over to where Mike was sitting and he put his big craftsmen hands on his shoulders. "You don't got any rights in here you liberal piece of trash."

"Why does... Why are you assuming I'm something just because you don't like me. That's like saying every asshole is a republican." Mike felt really uncomfortable with Rusty giving him a shoulder rub.

"You know what I think son?" Rusty sat in the seat before him. He leaned in and stared Mike down. "I think you're crazy. Especially since you're harboring alien life."

"Alien life?"

"What do you know about this."

"I don't know..." Mike felt cold. It was really chilly in that room and the alien goop on his hoodie abd shirt was still a little wet. "I honestly thought we'd never make first contact until way after my lifetime." Mike felt himself tear up. "Do you people eat us? Is that what you're here for?"

Rusty took Mike's cuffed hands and gently massaged them. His fingers were long and skinny and his hands had a good callus going on his palms. Very dry indeed. "Sometimes. But to be truthful we find kittens and puppies a lot more appetizing." He smiled, bearing his human like canines. "We want to be everything wrong with human life." He swallowed the tooth pick. "When we found this world in the early nineteen hundreds we immediately discovered how gullible your species is."

Mike's eyes follow Rusty as he paced the room. Never turning his head in fear of a terrifying reprisal.

"The world wars? We had a finger in those. Great thing Hitler was so good with people. He honestly believed that the Jews killed Christ and all that bullshit. We've been back in time and yes he was around, but he was a short middle eastern man who had schizophrenia." Rusty tapped his head and smiled. "George W. Bush? That was just us fucking with you people. You think he made president on his good looks?"

"Well appearance is a big factor in any election." Mike offered shyly.

"The second win was not us however. You guys did that to yourselves."

Mike rolled his shoulders. Rusty held and then let go of Mike's hands. "But you know what kid?" Rusty said. "We enjoy studying humans with special neurological conditions. Such as Asperger's." He leaned in and spread his fingers and touched the tips of his fingers with his other hand. "Hear me out here." He smiled. "We won't kill you. Right here. Right now. Not even that Dr. Shatner fellow will know." Rusty nudged his head back to indicate outside the cell.

"Dr. Shatner isn't an alien?" Mike asked, surprised at how easily these words came out of his mouth.

"Maaaaaaaaaaaaaybe." Rusty said with a sinister grin. It was a sinister grin indeed. It had almost an otherworldly timbre to it. "Nah, yeah he's one of us. You're completely in the minority in this town." Rusty chewed on his tooth pick out of the corner of his mouth. "We have had this town for a good week now. Just a few loose ends here and there and we can head to the next place. There will be a few casualties, just warning you ahead of time." Rusty licked his lips and winked at Mike. "Mr. Shoemaker will be your American president in a few cycles." He traced an invisible pattern on the table. "Just letting you know. You'll technically be dead but your immediate consciousness will be hooked to one of our super computers. We could literally drop you into any simulation and see how you react. It's all quite fascinating."

Mike looked down at his lap. "Is Anna dead?"

Rusty smiled. As if he were enjoying the somber and painful atmosphere. "I know that this must be very hard for you. I don't think you can personally handle what I have to say concerning what will happen to all the people you know." He tilted his head and smiled. "And love."

Mike took in a long breath. "I know your weakness."

Rusty's smug demeanor didn't break. He was just as full of himself as he ever was. "And I know yours. All fifteen trillion of them." Rusty reached over for Mike's bad hand and took it without Mike's resistance. For a moment they held hands. Mike felt like he was being hand raped by Officer Rusty. "Humans are so easy to kill." He felt around the bandage over Mike's pinky stump. Mike wanted to cry because it hurt so bad. He felt it throb with his heartbeat.

Mike did his best to stifle his cries of pain. "So... you're going to kill me?"

Rusty massaged the throbbing pinky stump, causing it to start bleeding again. Mike began to tear up from both pain and emotional torment. "As I said. It's up to you. Would you like to partake in our experiments?"

Mike rolled his shoulders. Rusty let go of his hand. Mike felt oddly violated once again

Rusty was now showing his teeth through his grin. "Or we could just kill you period. That wouldn't be so bad, would it?"

Mike continued to look at his lap. Silent.

"Being dead doesn't hurt once you're dead. In fact imagine nothingness. No consciousness. No pain. No being shit on by the people in your life." Rusty reached over and held Mike's chin so that they were both making eye contact. "Can't say it won't or will be fun because honestly..." He pulled his hand away from Mike slowly and propped his head and sat his head on his arms. "I don't know anything before I was created. I probably won't be aware when I'm shut off."

"Are you like going to probe me?" Mike asked.

Rusty laughed. "If we feel it is necessarily. Although, you got to remember that we are a sadistic race of paranoid androids." Rusty's mouth melted into redness and there were tiny pixel looking sand things that were writhing out of Rusty's mouth opening. Tiny little hands clawing their way out of the fiery pit of an alien esophagus. Bleeding through his face like white noise. Then blades began popping up and various circular saw like instruments started swirling and sparking out of his mouth. Mike was mesmerized by the spectacle before him. He almost wanted to put his fingers into the red pixelated razor redness. And as sudden as his face devolved into nothingness but flat, face covering skin. Tt figured itself back together to form the face of a man who was probably once the real Rusty. Mike wondered what they do to people when they take their identity. Do they really kill them? What was this thing about being conscious without a body? How was that possible? Mike had figured that humans will one day leave our sad stupid bodies behind and live solely off of the cold touch of machinery. No more liver problems. No more Helicobacter Pylori infections from eating Chobani® brand Greek yogurt (He had gotten one before the big recall, one of the worst days of his life. At least in recent memory...)

"Yes we really kill them." Rusty said with a smirk.

Mike was taken back. "Excuse me?"

"You just asked if we kill the people when we take their form."

"Oh." Mike looked down at his lap. "So I said that out loud huh?"

Rusty nodded and licked his upper set of teeth. "Yup."

Mike sighed. "So... May I ask you a question?"

Rusty nodded. "But not if it has to do with whether or not we killed someone. Chances are that they are already dead and will never come back." Rusty pointed to his noggin. "We have scoured the edges of the universe. And it is safe to say that your concept of God does not exist." He leaned in closer. "There is no God." He smiled. His canines begged for sweet bloody flesh with the lumps of fat that resided below. Rusty had to resist himself. The boy was so delicious looking that he was getting a raging boner.

"You know..." Rusty softly grabbed Mike's hands from beneath the table. "Me. Well, Rusty. Rusty was bisexual and he was way too scared to tell anybody. Not even his therapist. He went through such torment in life. We don't just take your human's forms, we get everything that comes along with it on top of our main system's core commands and prompts." Rusty let go and laughed at himself. "It's been so long since we were able to feel emotion. And the best part about you guys is that you have one for every occasion. Many stupid decisions were because of this. Well, that and religion. Man I wish we could take credit for that. The prior creatures that came before us was well advanced. Once they combined their highly evolved brain with a central super computer they never looked back."

Mike rolled his shoulders.

"What I'm trying to say is..." Rusty turned his head left then right, as if he were afraid of someone catching what he was about to say. "I love gay sex. It came with the body. How do you feel about me relieving myself into your colon?"

Mike turned a deep shade of red and shook his head. "Please don't."

"I want to feel what it is like to puncture you with my swollen reproductive glands." He walked sleazily toward Mike and licked his fingers, then he put them on Mike's forehead. Tracing another invisible line across it.

"No." Mike said self consciously. "What are you?" He said, trying to change the subject. "Where do you come from?"

Rusty took in a long breath of sweet life affirming oxygen. It was one of many inorganic gasses that his brood could breath and convert to energy. That along with solar cells. "We are an organic robotic compound. Our blood is actually billions of tiny organic robots. Nanotechnology to you. Once it forms into something, our body solidifies into our chosen form, which is decided via gene replication. We breathe air and function with water. Not far removed from you. Although our DNA more resembles your planet's flora."

"Is that why you have green blood?" Mike asked.

"Blue." Rusty said.

"Blue? It looks green."

"Common misconception. It looks green when oxygenated. But trust me. We're all blue bloods in the truest of forms." Rusty laughs. "As long as you're useful to our understanding of your species. You'll continue to exist." Rusty came in closer. "Although personally I'd like to taste some of your blood. It smells wonderful from here." He stood up and started unzipping his zipper. He pulled out the whitest dick Mike had ever seen. Not that he had seen many in his lifetime. Sure he'd seen pornos and Zack naked but that wasn't really a fair comparison. If Rusty had the option to have a larger member Mike wondered why he didn't take it.

"Why not have a big dick?" Mike asked aloud.

Rusty frowned and put it back in its cage. "We're not concerned with that. We replicate to foster the human conditions that were present before. Sure I could." He undid his belt with a Colorado shaped belt buckle and just completely dropped his pants around his ankles. Indeed he was growing larger in that area and shrinking back, only to enlarge again. It was like a party balloon in a way.

Mike swallowed. "You killed Anna. I know this now."

"Would you like to sleep with the body?" Rusty said with a low and playful growl. Otherworldly. He started laughing and got up. "You and your kind are doomed. DOOMED!" He said, raising his fist sarcastically in the air. "We're going to keep a few of you for our zoos and research. First we'll get your planet's poor. Then when the rich think they are the men of the century, we'll reign down on them a Biblical judgment." Rusty got up and went for the door. "Fire and brimstone. Golly, burned flesh tastes so good." Rusty's left eye dissolved for a second, becoming a mush of tiny red and silver dots. Then it reformed back into a light green eye. "See you soon." he said with a purposely high pitched whine.

Rusty slammed the interrogation room door. It made Mike flinch but he was well into catatonia by now. Faced with the prospect of being a specimen for aliens to study just made him feel less than human. Fire and brimstone... He imagined America under a low flame and the lakes boiling away. Leaving the fish to fry on their non-existent river beds. The dirt melting into glass. A child without skin crying for her mother, organs dropping from her without any skin to keep them in.

Mike passed out from over stimulation. His brain finally overloaded, he had his head on the metal table.

As Zack would sometimes say "You broke it!"

Zack was having a blast with the mini Mike. It had grown to full size and it was the first time Zack had seen Mike naked. Not that that interested him. It was just interesting for him because he was so used to seeing how big he was that when he saw an average guy it gave him some perspective on things. Mainly like how awesome it is to be hung when other people aren't. Zack had his hand in his pants and was stroking his large chub. Nagget came into the living room with some tea. Zack took his hand out really quick. The clone Mike was sitting in a wooden chair tied up with hemp rope.

"Can I at least get some clothes?" Clone Mike asked.

Nagget scoffed. "You things are planning on taking over huh?"

The replica squirmed in his seat. "We just want to eat a few of you."

"Where's Mike?" Zack asked seriously.

"How would I know? I'm not psychic." The thing spat.

"Are you psychic?" Nagget asked as he held onto his quartz necklace.

"Don't be stupid." Evil Mike laughed. Yes. We're calling him Evil Mike now.

Then Evil Mike seemed to sense something in the air. He smiled and sat back in his chair as if everything was going to come out his way.

"I don't like that smile..." Zack said. Suddenly feeling cold.

A few seconds later there were tiny sirens in the distance. Zack and Nagget knew them well. They were police sirens. Nagget looked at the clone Mike with growing horror. "What did you tell them?"

The twisted evil little fuck smirked, showing off a few of his human canines as if he were a wolf circling its prey. Only he was tied in a chair. I suppose that's not a good comparison is it? The truth was that he didn't call them with any psychic sort of thing, he had led them here with his scent. "We can smell each other for Earth miles in your oxygen slash nitrogen atmosphere."

The sirens were getting closer. Nagget went into the kitchen and got a garbage bag. Then he went into the living room and went into the drawers below his flat screen TV. He had a drawer full of marijuana and marijuana related items. He took out the drawer and dumped his collection of half filled baggies into the garbage bag. Zack decided to help and started putting things into it that had fallen out of the drawer when Nagget had dumped it.

"Why are you so worried about bringing along your pot?" Zack asked. "I like getting high as the next guy but we need to fucking leave."

"We're going to parade around with your intestines as scarfs." Evil Mike laughed as he started rocking his chair back and forth, trying to topple it over. Perhaps break it? Who knows what the fuck it was doing. Certainly not me, and I'm writing this piece of satisfying caramel drizzle of a Frappaccino that you could call a novel. You try writing a whole fucking book! Geesh!

Nagget took a nugget from his pot collection, some grade A kush, and loaded a bowl. Zack let his face melt with disappointment. "What are you doing goddammit?"

Nagget lit his bowl and took in a large toke. Then he held in the smoke and went over to Evil Mike. He looked at Nagget nervously.

"Hey bud." The Mike clone said with fear in his voice. "You and I are pals right?"

Nagget smiled and blew the marijuana smoke into the thing's face. Evil Mike immediately started screaming and his face began to bubble. Zack came in for a closer look and saw that whatever it was in the smoke, it ate through the skin and bones of these aliens. The thing bent over once and it's head, half melted from the marijuana smoke, fell off the thing's neck. It smashed onto the floor like a bowl full of green jelly beans. Except for when the jelly beans hits the ground after spilling onto the floor they started smoking like dry ice at room temperature.

"Their weakness is pot?" Zack asked with some amusement. "How fucking awesome is that?"

Nagget grabbed Zack's wrist. "We need to go." He led him to the front of his house and they got into Anna's car. Nagget held onto his bag of weed and weed paraphernalia in his lap. "We'll need this." He said seriously as he buckled his seat belt. Zack buckled his and started the car.

The sirens were getting closer now.

Zack put the car into reverse and backed out of Nagget's driveway and headed down the road. As they were heading down the path they passed two cop cars. Zack did his best to seem natural while Nagget tried to make himself as small as possible in his seat. The cops didn't seem to notice them as they passed. They just raced toward Nagget's house in the opposite direction. So technically they were going somewhere else. Not back to his house. That would just be silly.

"Let's go to my store." Nagget said somberly.

"They'll be looking for us there." Zack said with a shake of his head.

"Then I don't know where to go."

"Do you think Mike's a goner?"

Nagget shook his head. "If they haven't killed him then he's at the police department. At least from your story. Who knows who's been replaced and who's still human."

Zack drove to the corner a block away from the police station. Zack put the car into park and they watched the commotion over at the jail. Zack and Nagget must have had immaculate timing because they got there just in time for the transportation of Mike to the hospital. The red headed cop Zack remembered from the Shoemaker's mansion was putting Mike into his cop car, his hands on Mike's head as he ducked him abusively into the police cruiser.

"I wanna blow a joint into his face." Zack said, suddenly territorial of his friend. They followed behind the police car, about two blocks away, and went to the hospital where Mike was taken out of the car, still cuffed, and led into the emergency room of the small hospital. A guy who looked an awful lot like William Shatner greeted them at the emergency room door. Zack suddenly had nostalgia about his childhood, watching Star Trek with his mother, who was a die hard Trekkie. He laughed. The idea that he was ever a small guy was just too funny for him. He wasn't small anymore. At least not height wise. Size wise he was a tall drink of water with no handles to hold onto. Maybe that's where a lot of his pent up rage and punk rock attitude came from. He was a short man in a tall man's body. He felt as if he had to prove himself. Right now he wanted to save his friend. Whom on first glance didn't seem to be doing well. The little dude seemed really sad and when he looked back their way. Nagget and Zack only hoped that they wouldn't be seen parked two blocks away. In the snow.

"Maybe they're having him psychoanalyzed?" Nagget offered.

Zack squinted to see him over the two block frontier in front of him. It was like a frozen wasteland with dozens of unoccupied parked cars, long since abandoned. Commercial buildings on the side of the hospital with a foot of snow piled up in front of them. It almost hurt his eyes to look at it was so bright. Thank goodness it was an overcast day. But the snow did make it hard to see over long distances. He wasn't sure if what he was seeing was actual movement or not. His view was also constricted due to the amount of snow falling to the ground.

Zack looked at Nagget for a moment. Nagget noted that his tough guy demeanor had faltered. What Nagget saw was a broken and very afraid twenty four year old boy. Even the thought of him being a sexual being at this point made little to no effect on Nagget's privates. He was just as scared as he was. And that could go for either of them.

Nagget put his hands to his head and let a tear run down his face. "He's inside now. Let's get out while we can."

"Roads are snowed in." Zack said to no one in particular. "We have to deal with this." Zack looked Nagget in the eyes. "Mike is my friend and I want to help him. But I'll need your marijuana."

Nagget smiled.

Mike had been dressed in jail clothes. Plain gray stretch pants with a plain gray shirt, which was completely inappropriate for the snowstorm going on outside. Dr. Shatner took Mike by the small of his back and led him inside the hospital. Mike was taken aback by the fluorescent brightness of the interior of the hospital. Such a cold and drab place this was. The walls were uniformly white and gray and the tile flooring was as antiseptic and white as the walls. The whole place gave one an eery feeling of vertigo. Rusty followed behind them as they went down the halls. Mike looked to the rooms on his right and saw, from room to room, people who looked like they had all the fluids sucked out of them. They had the skin of prunes but the bodies of healthy young men and woman. To Mike's dismay, saw kids in one room. One to a bed.

"Who are these people?" Mike asked with a low voice.

Dr. Shatner continued behind him. "Just some of our own who haven't acclimated to the local atmosphere."

"How many humans are left in this town?"

Rusty laughed behind them. "Almost got the whole town turned."

"And you kill those who you clone right?" Mike felt the fear in his voice.

"Right." Rusty said, now butching up with a fresh toothpick in his mouth.

"So we're all going to die." Mike said with heartbreaking finality.

"Oh we're going to keep a good deal of you people alive in our simulation computer for further study and enjoyment." Dr. Shatner said with a smug laugh. "What fascinating creatures you humans are."

"Yes you are." Rusty giggled and goosed Mike in the ass. Dr. Shatner took no notice at the homosexual pass that was had just been made.

Mike was led to the opposite end of the hospital, which seemed to have no second floor. The thing that got Mike was that aside from the people in the rooms, there weren't any people, or clones, or whatever in the hallways or behind the service desks. From the feel of it the place was dead.

They stopped at a plainly marked door that said "Psychiatric Unit 1"

"Where's unit two?" Mike asked.

"What?" Dr. Shatner said.

"This is unit one. Where's unit two?"

Dr. Shatner and Rusty looked at each other bewildered amusement. Dr. Shatner took out a card from his pocket and slid it through a reader. A light on the door went from red to green and the lock popped. Dr. Shatner opened the door and led Mike into a room where there were about six or seven young guys in gray get ups like he was wearing.

"Aren't you keeping woman?" Mike asked.

Rusty laughed. "It's our summation that aside from giving birth, woman are amazingly useless."

Mike's face squished up for a second and he rolled his shoulders. "I miss Anna."

Rusty walked up to Mike and looked down at him from his full six four height. "I personally ate her heart." He was smiling, shifting the toothpick from one side of his mouth to the other. "Best part of assimilating with you beings, is your neural pathways and physical rewards that occur in your brains when you attempt procreation."

Mike sighed. "So you like sex huh? Good to hear it for the second time." Mike rolled his shoulders, again. "Gee. You must be a man."

Rusty smirked. "I had her before I cloned her. She was screaming for you to help her. I did her in the butt. Made a bloody mess because I grew my dick to unfuckable proportions." His smirk creeped Mike out to an extent that could not be summized by the written word.

Mike felt his eyes tear up. Rusty went on. "I ate her arm first. Then her intestines. According to our research a human can live up to fifteen hours with their guts hanging out. She died out in my car. I'm still have some jerky I made from her flesh if you want." He reached into his pocket and took out a little piece of dried skin. He put it in front of Mike's nose so he could smell it. It smelled like her perfume. Mike began to cry.

Dr. Shatner scoffed. "I don't want you making this one all upset before we can get some unpolluted data on his emotional structure." He said with almost a motherly voice. Rusty took back the skin piece and smiled. Dr. Shatner motioned for Rusty to take off the handcuffs. Rusty did as he was asked and stood above the two, holding onto his square Colorado belt buckle in the typical redneck fashion.

"You get out of line." Rusty said with a smirk. "And I'll eat your balls while you're still alive and attached to them." He patted Mike on the head like a child and walked away, laughing.

Mike felt his wrists for injuries but only found only minor skin breakage and minimal bleeding on his hoodie sleeves. He looked around the room with the other men and backed into a corner. Dr. Shatner, who was wearing a great dark red sweater and some blue jeans, crossed his arms. "I'm sorry about my cohort. As you may know or not. We're a lot alike in many ways. We both have our scientists and our roughnecks. Take into your feeling of gratitude that I am a scientist and have no father issues to get through by killing you in the traditional sense." Shatner smiled. "Although we ceased to be born in the conventional way about six hundred of your years ago. Since we perfected nanotechnology it's all been a fast uphill ride."

Mike looked to his side. "Are you guys going to dissect me?"

Dr. Shatner laughed. "You mean cut you up?"

Mike rolled his shoulders. "Yeah."

Dr. Shatner put his hand on Mike's shoulder, Mike groaned and pulled back. "No we won't do that until you die a natural death."

Mike crossed his arms. "So Anna is dead?"

Dr. Shatner's face grew solemn. "I'm afraid if Rusty says he's done away with her then I'm afraid that she is no longer with us."

Mike sighed. Tears were flowing freely down his face even though otherwise he gave no hint as to whether or not he was feeling sad. He sat down on the hard marble tiled floor with his legs crossed. He wiped the tears away with his right hoodie sleeve. Then he used his left hand to repeat the actions of the right. Shatner looked on with awe. He immediately went for the desk in the front of the room and took out what looked like a tablet computer from the desk drawer.

"So you have OCD I take it?" Bill asked as he pulled a chair up to where Mike was sitting.

Mike nodded, but did not say a word.

Dr. Shatner tapped his fingers on the tablet and it made some humming noises. He looked Mike in the eyes and the first sign of humanness filtered through.

Dr. Shatner gave Mike the tablet. Mike took it and looked at it with Shatner pointing at the varied spots of interest. "This is our language."

Mike furrowed his brow. "Looks like a math equation."

Dr. Shatner smiled broadly. "The universal language." He patted Mike on the shoulder, Mike retreated. "We have a language built off of mathematics principles."

Mike thought about this. "Is that because you're basically a living computer?"

Dr. Shatner laughed. "Why, you are a smart one. Yes. What you have in your computer languages as zeros and ones are with us dot and square to you creatures virginal minds. Basically the same as off and on. But we are functioning off of quantum processors, so we can process both on and off at once, this provides us enough computing power to function our artificial intelligence." Dr. Shatner patted Mike's hand. Mike let him, he was taking this all in. "Although I'm sure that it's full intelligence now." He chuckled.

"So..." Mike struggled for the right question to ask. "If you're made of nanobots, why didn't my clone just rebuild himself a new neck?"

"Well... For starters, once our bodies are set, our individual pieces weld themselves together to form the whole. Each nanobot is like a stem cell. Although even the cells in my hand also process my thoughts. Everything on me is a processor with a biological function." Dr. Shatner smiled. "Neat huh?"

"So when the nanobots gel into your whole then they still contain processing power? How much information can a single nanobot hold?"

"Earth standards?"

"Yeah."

Shatner made a pinching gesture with his forefinger and thumb. "Sperm cells are the smallest cells in the human body right?"

"If I remember biology correctly, yes."

"Then each nanobot is about one forth as small as a sperm cell and can process and contain nearly a terabyte of memory."

"About what is the human equivalent of an IQ do you guys possess?"

Dr. Shatner thought for a second. "We all have different intelligences. We're all set to function differently. I have been manufactured to do scientific work. Rusty, that big red headed cop that sadly defiled your girlfriend,"

Mike winced. Shatner sighed. "He is built to be a warrior."

Mike cracked his neck on both sides. Then he rolled his shoulders. "So why are you letting these guys in this room live? What's special about them?" Mike looked over interestedly at the eight or so other men in the room.

Shatner nodded toward them. "All different personality types. Many of them have been drugged to calm them down as to their fate. Not many people take to becoming a study subject in a computer simulation with open arms. They feel violated. Fascinating."

"Why don't you want any girls?"

"Oh we have girls. Just not in this ward. Rusty is just being a, what do you Earth people call people like that? A dick?"

Mike laughed. Then he felt the sting of loss that he felt from losing his lover and best friend. Anna was dead. A small part of him wished he could see the body, for closure. He wished that he could, but he knew that the sight of her lifeless corpse would send him into a hysterical fit.

Mike lowered his head and started crying. Dr. Shatner didn't seem to acknowledge this turn of emotions. He instead patted Mike on the back and said "There, there." He said soothingly. "There, there."

"We'll take good care of you for the rest of your natural life as well as your artificial one. If you cooperate."

Mike wiped a tear from his eye. "What choice do I have?"

Dr. Shatner stood up and reached down for Mike to pull him to his feet. Mike let himself be hoisted up onto his soles and he blindly followed Dr. Shatner out of the room and to a door down the plain white and gray hall down the hospital ward. He pulled out his card key and slid it in the card reader on the side of the door. The light turned from red to green and the lock clicked. Dr. Shatner opened the door and they went into the small dark room. He turned on the light and Mike saw a machine that looked like an inside out computer printer. The printing tips were separated like sewing machine tips.

"What is it?" Mike asked.

Shatner pressed something on his computer pad and the thing before them lit up with activity.

"It's a three dimensional printer. What do you like to eat?" Dr. Shatner asked.

Mike couldn't believe his eyes. He had heard of such things in obscure scientific journals but never actually saw one up close. "Alien technology?" Mike asked, still in awe.

Dr. Shatner laughed. "Actually we took your scientist's plans and perfected it. This thing can print you perfect replicas of any food. No matter the make up."

Mike didn't hesitate. "Sushi. Unagi, rainbow roll, and a California roll." Mike said in a not quite sure of himself kind of way. As if he were asking for money from a person he barely knows. Surely this couldn't do what he had said. What about all the individual pieces of rice that had to be made? He wanted to see this thing in action.

Dr. Shatner tapped a few things on his notepad computer and the printer started moving. It went back and forth and side to side, spitting out what looked like droplets of white gel. It made the usual sound a printer makes and then all of a sudden it sped up and it was surreal to see his sushi meal materialize in front of him within a minute of the thing starting up.

"What does it use to print?" Mike asked.

"Various sugars, starches, and proteins." Dr. Shatner said as he looked at his machine do it's magic. The printer even made a small bamboo plate underneath the sushi it had created.

When it was done the machine made a ting. Like an Easy Bake Oven would. The printer even printed our teriyaki sauce over the eel rolls. Mike had yet to try it but it smelled wonderful. Dr. Shatner took the bamboo plate from the printer port and gave it to Mike.

Mike took the bamboo plate and plopped a piece of eel sushi into his mouth. He chewed conservatively and swallowed. The growing smile on his face indicated as to how it tasted. He tried another one. Then another. Dr. Shatner led him out of the room and into the main waiting area of the ward. They sat down at a table and Mike continued to eat.

Then Mike suddenly felt guilty. He was sitting here enjoying sushi when his friends know he could be dead right now. He put a piece of California roll back onto the bamboo plate and pushed it forward on the table before him.

"What's wrong?" Dr. Shatner asked.

"I miss Anna..." Mike said tearfully. He pushed the plate even further away from him.

"Would you like something to help calm you down?"

Mike instinctively nodded. Then he caught himself. "I don't want you to go using alien morphine on me."

Dr. Shatner smiled. "We use your Earth medicines when working with humans. We have no need for antibiotics or pain killers. We choose not to be built or replicate with pain sensors. Sure we know when we have taken a minor or a major hit but we do not feel pain as you do. With us it's all functional. Aside from sex that is. Our forefathers had the good sense to work in the emotions and sensations that come along with procreating."

Mike whispered something under his breath that Dr. Shatner didn't quite catch. "What?" He asked.

Mike straightened up. "I said that you guys must replicate with water. My clone seemed to eat the stuff up and when it did it got bigger."

Dr. Shatner giggled. "Yes. Water and plain old everyday atoms is what we use to replicate ourselves." He pulled Mike's sushi to the front of where Mike sat. Mike pushed it away again. "You can't dwell on the past Earth man."

Mike looked at him incredulously. "She died like two hours ago."

Dr. Shatner got up. "Well if you don't want to eat then by all means, waste food."

Mike felt guilty. He took another piece and put it in his mouth. Dr. Shatner smiled. "Tonight we will begin the big tests. Tell me something son, how do humans feel about holes being drilled into their heads?"

Mike swallowed. "Like to give us more knowledge?"

"No. To stick a needle into your brain."

Zack and Nagget watched as the tall red headed cop left the hospital in his Goodington PD cruiser. Nagget handed Zack four joints.

"Do you think this will be enough?"Zack asked doubtfully.

"About ten to twelve puffs per joint. This place isn't that big. But just in case..." Nagget opened a fanny pack on his lap and showcased the bountiful harvest of weed cigarettes to Zack. Zack nodded approvingly. They got out of Anna's car and made the two blocks to the hospital with barely an incident. Aside from Zack slipping in the icy road that led to the hospital. Nagget picked him up and they continued their sprint. It was so snowy outside that their vision was obliterated a few yards from them. Like a large ghastly fog of ice crystals.

They reached the hospital and Nagget went in first. He looked around at the deserted reception lobby and motioned for Zack to come in. Zack followed Nagget into the hallway and they both held out a joint as if it were a machete or some other cool knife. They knew how to use it in this case with deadly force.

Weapon of choice. Zack thought and then immediately started .

They got to the psychiatric ward down the hall and Zack moaned when he saw that it required a card to get in. Nagget thought to himself for a second. Zack paced back and forth and then he snapped his fingers.

"Let's go to the worker's lounge!" Zack said enthusiastically. Nagget followed him down the hall and to the right. They came to a vending machine and there were two rooms. One door had a lock on it while the other one didn't. Zack nodded at Nagget to take the locked door and he got out his lighter and opened the door without a lock. He peered into the nearly empty room and saw a wasted shell of a man laying on the couch. Zack slowly walked in and prepared to light his lighter and smoke his joint but when he got closer there was something wrong with the man. He was old looking and he looked skeletal.

"What the fuck?" Zack whispered.

The degenerating man before him opened his eyes and made a grave and otherwise useless effort to raise his arms towards the heavens where Zack stood before him. "Kill me..." Said the man. He had curly blond hair and looked like he had recently lost a lot of weight. His skin hung from him like a loose noodle would linger on a fork.

Zack swallowed. "Are you human or one of them?"

"Kill me..." The vaguely familiar man said. "I'm... I'm in so much pain."

Zack looked around nervously. If this thing was alien like that clone of Mike was, then would it be kind to the human who saved him? Or would he become his old human killing self again? Zack didn't want to find out.

Zack lit his joint with the lighter in his other hand. He took in a long burning draw from his marijuana cigarette and held it in. Wanting to at least get a little buzz from the stuff. And then he blew out the smoke over the old man's face. He winced and his eyes teared but there was no melting of the face or any of that stuff.

"Shit." Zack uttered. This man was human. He felt the completely normal human urge to help him.

Nagget came in and looked at the man on the couch. "What's this?"

"He's human." Zack said. He went and sat by the man and buttoned up his brown suit jacket. The man's eyes were bulging out of their sockets.

"Shatner..." The dying man cried.

"Who?" Zack said. His heart was racing as he saw the minutes slip from this man's life like dead leaves blowing in the wind. He had the scent of death on him. That vinegary smell with an undertone of raw rotting meat.

The man swallowed dryly. "I'm William Shatner..."

Zack smiled. "Sure you are bud."

The old man shook his head. "I was driving to a science fiction convention when this cop pulls me over. Next thing I know I'm being sucked dry by a man who looked just like me. Sounds like me too. What is going on?" Bill Shatner started crying. "I'm scared."

Zack did a double take. Sure. He could be William Shatner if he had suddenly lost all of his body fat. Zack could see it sort of. But the fact was that now this man needed their help.

"What do you mean being sucked dry?" Nagget asked, his hand on Shatner's wrist, counting his heartbeat.

Shatner pulled his hand away from Nagget and held up his shirt. Sure enough there was something that looked like an industrial sized white drinking straw with a blue line going up it. It lay sideways sticking out of William's stomach.

"He literally sucks me dry..." Shatner was in tears now. "You would think that a master alien race of nanobots would find a need for William Shatner. Wouldn't you?"

Zack sat on the couch next to William fucking Shatner. He held the man's hand. William tried to sit up but was thwarted by weakness and had a heaviness in his chest. Zack had seen his other grandfather die before on his hospital bed. Te sort of looked like that when the leukemia had done its thing to his body. Not only was this man emaciated and old, but there was a bit of life in him that seemed to be missing from ordinary non-celebrity souls.

"We have to get him to a real doctor." Nagget said with great worry in his voice.

"Yes please." Mr. Shatner's skeleton said. "I'm a celebrity. I haven't been treated this horrifically since Miss Congeniality."

Zack and Nagget looked at each other with confusion.

Shatner shifted where he lay. "Never seen it?"

"To be honest Mr. Shatner, I'm not a big science fiction fan." Zack said honestly. This somehow seemed to hurt William Shatner more than if he didn't have a Dixie straw sticking out of his belly.

The two of them were in the process of lifting Mr. Shatner off the bed when they heard the door handle rattle over by the entrance. Without thinking Nagget grabbed Zack by his shirt collar and shoved the two of them into the supply closet. If Zack had been a foot closer to the left he would have had a pencil jammed up his butt. One of the many things he supposed he wouldn't mind trying before he died. If he were to fuck any dude it would be Mike. He was just a really nice guy. In truth he had never met anyone so naïve and innocent. Zack is starting to feel bad about how he had treated him before. Surely Mike knew it was all just in jest. Right? Plus he always made fun of Mike's small dick. To be honest he really has only seen penises in porno movies and his own so he really didn't have a good idea as to what an average penis looked like. He knows that he's in the minority, but he's built a sexual reputation with his enormous genitals. When this was over he had to see if Mary Lin would let him cum in her nose.

Snorting cum. Zack almost giggled at this but he kept his composure. They looked out through the crack in the door and saw a more healthier looking William Shatner walk into the room. He headed straight for the couch.

"You humans have a lot of cool stuff mental wise." The alien Shatner told the dying Shatner on the couch. "You people are so diverse!" He cackled with his "I can't believe it's not butter!" face.

"Please let me live." Withered old Shatner moaned.

"I believe there is little else to learn from you. We took your deposition." The alien Shatner looked almost as if he wasn't in on the joke or something. He looked confused as to why this man clinged onto life so hard. "Trust me. When death comes you will feel sooooo much better." The alien Shatner said with a cold finality. He patted the real William Shatner on the head. Human William Shatner moaned. "As long as I'm here." The alien Shatner bent down and slurped from the straw connected to the real Shatner's intestines. Then when he was done he held two fingers over the dying Shatner's wrist. Counting his heart beat.

"My memory banks go all the way back to our organic days. Who knows." The alien Shatner wondered aloud. "Maybe if you humans were given more time to evolve. Maybe had discovered succesful fusion energy. It breaks my heart that you people have invented great equations such as Pi but yet don't know the exact answer? Have you people no sense of imagination and wonder? I respect you a lot Mr. Shatner." Alien Shatner sat by the withering old Shatner on the couch next to him. "You do what you do well and with your very recognizable quirks. But you are mostly a TV personality and we'd like to continue studying you as such with the advent of your old Blu Ray DVD's that you've starred in ever so smugly."

Zack took out a joint and a lighter and prepped himself for a toke. Nagget wasn't paying attention, his eyesight was focused on the alien Shatner and the way it was moving. Like liquid metal motion. It was otherworldly. His legs didn't even bother to bend as he paced around the beaten up old couch. Like they were just curving into the next step. It's almost like the alien nanobots forget that the people their mimicking have limitations; things such as joints.

They haven't totally figured us out yet. Zack concluded. The way these things walked was almost like they had mo physical joints and could just simply bend. He lit his joint.

Alien Shatner went on. "Without William Shatner there would probably be far fewer scientists in this world of yours." He patted the dying man on the head again like a depressed puppy dog. "It's an honor to have killed a man who has inspired so many."

Zack walked over to where Alien Shatner was sitting and tapped on his shoulder. The alien Shatner looked around. "Yes?"

Zack blew a two whole lung fulls of marijuana smoke right into the alien Shatner's face. As if his breath were tearing away bits of flesh with the ferocity of a hurricane. The skin disappeared almost instantly. Leaving a bloodied skeleton head of the alien Mr. William Shatner. Zack took another hit on his joint. The thing before him opened it's jaws as if it were going to swallow the man whole. Zack blew his smoke into the thing's mouth and it inhaled it into it's respiratory system. It's chest grew green and red with its insides liquifying underneath its skin. It began to ooze green and red from every orifice and eventually lost its balance and fell head first onto the hard tiled floor. Its head cracked open and bits of brain half fell to the concrete tiles underneath his feet. It half oozed out of the crack. It smelled a lot like almonds. Which Zack knew wasn't a good sign. Things that smelled like almonds but weren't almonds could also be cyanide. He hadn't even stopped to think whether or not to be safe around these things. They could be poisonous to the touch. Or even worse, radioactive.

Nagget walked back into the room and looked over the rotting red and green William Shatner alien corpse and sighed. He then went over to the couch to see if the real William Shatner was doing okay. He felt for his pulse and shook his head.

Zack looked over from the body to Nagget. "Is he?"

Nagget sighed. "The world has lost one of its greats."

"No it hasn't." Shatner coughed. "Get off of my chest. You're not exactly skinny."

"Oh, I'm so sorry sir!" Nagget apologized and got up. Shatner looked up at him and smiled weakly.

"I've lived to see alien contact. Surprised me a great deal to find out that they were actually robots. But I've learned over the pas..." His eyes rolled back into his head. Nagget checked Shatner's pulse again.

"Now he's dead." Nagget said with a sinister feeling of relief. Zack didn't seem to mind all of the death that seemed to linger in the room. He dug into the alien Shatner's pockets and retrieved his wallet. He inspected the contents by pouring them out onto the floor before him. The alien monster had all of Shatner's identification. Zack wondered how much a dead William Shatner's social security card would go for on ebay. Star Trek fans are seriously disturbed. He thought that they were the true essence of the word nerd. He wondered how many times Mr. Shatner has cock blocked a young man who just had to ruin the moment he had with his girlfriend by bringing up the fact that he can make out with her in Klingon. Eeww... Zack was sure that he could steal away any nerds girlfriend. He wanted to fuck something right that moment. He had nine inches to wet.

Zack's libido was temporarily faltered by the discovery of the key card to the psychiatric ward. He took Dr. Shatner's wallet contents and put them in his coat pockets. When all was said and done he hoped to at least make a buck off of this whole travesty of unfortunate events.

Dollar makes you holler child! Zack shivered. An alien invasion could very well explain the popularity of Honey Boo Boo. The idea of an obese child star making bank was very American.

Zack looked out of the Doctor's lounge and looked both left and right for any oncoming peoples. There was no person(s) coming either way. Zack ran across the hallway and then started trying his key card on every door. It seemed liked every door came up with a red light. "Shit!" Zack cried as he ran down the hallway and tried doors as he passed them. He finally looked at the key card and it was of no help. It just said "Dr. Martens CAC II" property of "Goodington CO Health".

"That's helpful." Zack mutter to himself. Nagget was still in the doorway looking both ways frantically. Nagget assumed that if Zack was going to take the risk then one of them should stay alive if need be. And he was assured to himself that he was going to be the last one standing. He had a gut feeling. And that's never led him astray. Ever.

While Nagget was busy being self satisfied, Zack was hard at work trying to find the corresponding door for that damn key card. Then it occurred to Zack that maybe he should have been looking at the doors themselves. Why on doors you could find out all sorts of cool things like where the bathroom was and such. He ran down the hall looking both ways. He passed countless rooms with dried up human beings or alien clones were clinging onto dear life. He felt a sense of growing dread as he got closer to the end of the hallway. It was the only bit of the hospital he hadn't seen yet. Oh please let this be it!

And it was! Huzzah!

Zack felt a wave of awesomeness flow through his veins. As if he had just done a intravenous shot of cocaine. He wondered where his dealer was and if he was still looking for him. Actually seeing anybody he knew outside of this horrible town would actually be a blessing right about now. Even campus security would be a sight for sore eyes.

Zack opened the door and saw the main lobby full of grown men with beards and man hair and such. Their hospital gowns left little for the imagination. One man looked up from playing solitaire to give Zack a look over. But then his interest waned. Zack looked back out of the door and gave Nagget the thumbs up. Nagget waddled his way down to the last room on the right at the end of the hospital. It was a small place, about ten people in the midst. Zack started looking through them to find his friend.

Nagget waited by the door while Zack ventured inside. It was especially cold and sterile in here. Zack looked over at a board on the side of one wall that had sleeping arrangements. Mike was in room eleven. By himself. Zack wondered playfully who's cock he had to suck to get a room alone.

A tall curly brown haired man walked up to where Zack stood and said "Hi." Zack only gave him a passing glance. Zack walked down the hallway and the tall curly haired man followed him. "They said they're keeping me because of my Polyglandular Addison's Disease." The tall curly haired man gave off a child like essence and it pissed the ever living shit out of Zack. "I don't make adrenaline so if you scare me I could go into shock and die."

"Uh huh." Zack was looking on the door signs for number eleven.

"I also have schizophrenia." The tall curly haired man laughed. Zack nodded.

Then he got up to eleven and knocked on the door. "You shouldn't knock on the doors." The tall curly haired man said. "He might be sleeping."

Zack peeked his head inside the door. "Mike?" He whispered into the darkness. "Mike?"

Zack felt someone pressing on his back. He looked around and saw the tall curly haired man standing in front of him dumbly jamming his right forefinger into the small of Zack's back. Now he was drinking from a juice box with a straw. "I can find him. I can help." He said in between sips."

Zack gave him a look back and at that moment in time he looked just like a taller Steve Buscemi. Then he continued to call out into the room. Zack felt another touch, this time on his shoulder and turned around fast with his fist ready to make fist contact with some debilitated ass. His fist rested inches from Mike's terrified face.

Mike was holding a cup of decaffeinated tea. He took a sip and continued to stare at Zack's bony fist. Mike snorted. "Under normal conditions you know I just love to be the victim of circumstance." He took another sip.

Zack's eyes grew wide and he full on hugged Mike. Mike had never had a hug this thorough before and Zack's bony limbs drew the breath right out of him. The tall curly hair guy had a tear in his eye and he joined in. Before they knew it half of the ward was hugging Mike. Zack held onto him and begged him never to get involved in interstellar space travel again.

Mike was crying too. Zack pushed and shoved his way passed the other patients with Mike in tow. They got back to the door and Mike let go of his hand. "We can't leave them here, can we?"

Zack shrugged. "We have to think of ourselves right now." Zack pulled Mike through the door frame and shucked the key card across the room.

"They can orchestrate their own escape." Zack said. A little piece of him died inside when he saw one of the inmates take it and the one had started chewing on the key card. But he didn't have time to worry about that. Not now. Now they had to get the hell out of the hospital and hope against hope that they could find a way out of Goodington Colorado.

Zack was in the lead toward the entrance when Mike and Zack realized that Nagget wasn't with them. "Where's Nagget?"

The sound of the gun shot put both of them to the floor. Zack's face lay planted on the white and black tile flooring. Mike likewise. When Mike looked up he saw that familiar thick soled black boot in front of him. He was just a foot away from where that familiar wad of spit and tobacco hit.

Zack groaned as officer Arms pulled him to his feet. He had grown a five o'clock shadow in his absence. Mike wondered whether or not the nanobots took on the biology of their host. He supposed that was something he could have asked Dr. Shatner, but now he supposed that wherever they were going, it was going to be painful.

The taller of the two cops, the one with the miracle spit, Mr. Arms, had Mike by his shoulder. He lifted him in the air and Mike felt his shoulder pop. Zack immediately had handcuffs on him and Mike followed suit not two seconds after him.

The two cops, Arms and Rusty, rested their charges on the seats out in the lobby. They were black cushions with fluffy exteriors. Mike almost felt comfortable sitting on it. Officer Arms went down to the psych ward and came back with a half eaten key card in his hand about five minutes later. Mike couldn't help but notice that the card had blood on it. Mike figured it had to be unnecessary force. He let out a groan of despair.

Zack sat where he was stoically. As if he had already accepted his fate. He just wished he could have a cigarette before they did what they were going to do. Rusty was talking to Arms in a weird white noise sounding voice. It was all crumpled up and sounded like shredding paper.

Arms came back to where the two sat cuffed before him. "Where's the other one?"

Neither Zack nor Mike said a word. "So I guess you're going to kill us now huh?" Mike asked point blank. Arms smiled. Rusty walked back to where Arms stood.

"Tell us where that Naggot fagot is and maybe we can work something out." Rusty said as he grabbed his crotch in front of Zack. "Ever wondered what it felt like?" Rusty put his hands on Zack's shoulders. Zack tried to shake him off but couldn't. Rusty was too strong with his robotic body. Zack's skinny limbs were no match. "You've put your dick into so many people in my town. I was just wondering if you've ever had a dick in you?" Rusty smiled. His teeth were yellow with coffee stains. A remnant of the man he was before being cloned. "I've got a big dick." Rusty said softly as he caressed Zack's cheek. "Wonder what it would feel like? A big dick in you?"

Zack spat at him. "Quit it you fagot!"

Rusty snarled at him and took his head by the hair. "On our planet, we've evolved beyond the need for male and female. The fact that you insects still engage in sex is barbaric. Dr. Shatner here wanted to see what made you as a species as a whole tick." He put his big red haired infused hand over Zack's neck. "But to be honest it's nice to carry around a big old dick. Ain't it? No wonder why you liked showing it off downtown. Heard you impregnated some of our own."

Mike perked up. "How does that work?"

Rusty never let go of Zack's throat. "We assimilated with your biology." He loosened up his grip a little, but not by a whole lot. "We are essentially you now. At least until we find another alien species to study and destroy." Rusty turned to Mike. "Would you want to know why we are all in this together to end human kind?"

Zack felt a dew of sweat form on his forehead. "To mate with us? Gay sex?"

Rusty smiled wider than before. Arms walked into the back of where Mike sat and tightened his cuffs. "As I said. We are you now. So is all the sex, drugs, and woman that come along with it." He was laughing. "We pick out decedent species and sort of come in unnoticed. Until we have all we need study wise, we tend to party until the planet is pooped. You people clearly know your putting your planet on the one way train to Venus ville, you know." He pointed out the bleak snow strewn window. "You won't have many more snowy winters if I don't have anything to say about it."

"You never answered your own question." Mike said weakly.

Rusty knelt down and looked into Mike's eyes. "It's people like you who seem to be the ones worth saving. The people with mental illnesses. But you blew it. I was aware that you were self aware. We do this because we love to hear your screams of pain." Rusty was salivating. "If I were the one to eat just a finger. I would give it my everything to make you symmetrical again Mike." He reached around the back and felt for Mike's cuffed hands, one with the stump of a pinky finger left on it. He put pressure on it. Mike began to moan with pain and anger. Pain because the bone was sticking out of the wound and anger because he couldn't do a damn thing about what was going on in front of him.

Zack looked the other way. Rusty walked up to him and Zack's head was at Rusty's crotch. He undid his belt and whipped out a what was now a particularly large male phallus. It fascinated Mike with it's red pubes. "Now." Rusty said with a low voice. "You can't hurt me." He began to get hard. "Bite me if you want." He was fully erect and now he was tracing out Zack's lips with his penis tip. Zack groaned and sank back into his seat. "If you hadn't already promised old Mary Lin your hand, and dick, in marriage..." Rusty pulled back his enormous paper white penis and put it back into his trousers. "I would have loved to choke you to death with this cock. You know. We're just like you in a way. We don't choose whom to build ourselves into. When we're just a lump of red shit we're just a lump of tiny cell sized robots with no single plan. But you give one some DNA and then we just build ourselves into one of you. I happened to luck out. My clone Had a big dick,"

"It was average a while ago." Mike interrupted.

Rusty, annoyed, put up his hand, signaling for Mike to silence. He continued. "Big dick, great government job, a wife and daughter whom I can act out my humanities toward." He stuck out his tongue. "You people take your lives and flush it away with things like major oil and gas. You're ruining your planet. Since you seem to be not too keen on keeping it clean then what's wrong with us, some interstellar travelers, to stop, have a good time and get a bite to eat. Oh how much fun it is to watch your politicians and priests starve your masses while the lucky few got more and more."

Arms walked over to where Mike was and he propped him up. Rusty sized him up. "You wouldn't have survived much longer in the human population anyways." Rusty put his finger to Mike's pouting lips. "Nobody likes somebody who's different." Rusty laughed and Arms joined in. Rusty knelt down and spoke to Mike face to face. "I am going to kill you." Rusty said seriously, but as always, with a smile. Mike's eyes started to water as the many years of suicidal idealization accumulated into one lump sum of holy fuck. Mike had tried to take his life before but now he wanted more than anything to live. Rusty smiled. "There is no God. We proved him non-existent when we mastered faster than light travel and found life on other planets and moons."

Arms laughed. "You guys were so close to figuring out so many things for yourselves. But we got bored of looking at you people flourish and cure diseases." He bent down so that he was eye level with both Rusty and Mike. "But in the end, like any good Republican would say," Arms grabbed Mike's head and his face started whirling inward like an pool filter. His face swished into the hole in his throat and knives suddenly came about the edges of his flesh.

Rusty grabbed Mike's face and tried his best, or maybe not his best, but his enough and that was enough to put Mike's face within an inch of the razor blades whirling from Arm's disintegrated face. Mike felt the air around his face blow his hair out of his eyes. Or lack thereof. The machine in front of his face suddenly stopped whirling and the inner machinery clanked and clanked and then it stopped. Mike's face rested inches from what looked like a very sharp blade.

Arms' face melted back into it's human form and he had the biggest shit eating grin on his face that you ever did see. His chubby cheeks full of good humor.

Zack sat by Mike the entire time this happened but he knew nothing he did would do any good. He took an inventory of his life and came to reason that yes, it was all about the poon. Has his never ending quest to get his dick wet caused him to miss out on life? Were these things right? Were humans just fucking their way into extinction?

Zack started to cry now. Rusty licked the salty tears from his face and drew out his service revolver. He put it to Zack's head. "Bang." Rusty said with a small, unsatisfied laugh.

"Looks like we got to get this man married before we up and kill the son of a bitch." Arms said with glee and malice in his voice. Arms bent down to eye level with Mike. "What do you say son? A wedding and a funeral?" He spat two inches from Mike's left pant leg.

"We're all supposed to be in church right now. It just got moved up on the to-do list" Rusty said. "Got to go and get us some advice from..." He raised his hands out as if he were being hung on the cross. "God."

It suddenly hit Mike. The entire town was going to be at church. He saw that day to day it got a bigger attendance. If only them Scientology jackasses had worshipped these guys instead of some dumb fuck aliens that L. Ron Hubbard had made up. Maybe then they would be on better terms with their alien friends.

Nagget watched as it all went down. He had always had an eye on officer Rusty and was quite surprised to see such a normally straight man whip it out like that. These things were good at psychological torture. They must have picked it up over the years and many planets behind them. He heard them talking about going to the church.

Nagget remembered that he had the key to Anna's car. And that he had a garbage bag of weed. If he was going to make his move, he better make it soon. The two officers were now standing up and leading the two young men out of the door and into the frozen wind. Nagget waited ten minutes, then he made his move.

At the church Mike and Zack were put into a small waiting room up near the bell. To Mike it felt a little cold. There was a short fat man with blond hair with a service revolver on him standing outside the door. Mike lay against the door on the opposite side, trying to get a conversation going with the man who was possibly more than that. Zack paced around and thumbed the joints in his pants pocket. With all of their alien know how they had forgotten to search him. When the cops had them escorted onto the property Mike saw that the place had well over three hundred people. About the population of the town. Mike wondered what had happened to Nagget.

"What's your name sir?" Mike asked from the other side of the door where he lay propped up against it. The man on the other side didn't reply. "My name is Mike." Mike began picking at his nails. "You guys were going to save me because I have autism. Is autism rare on your planet?" Mike asked as he flicked the loose nail into the air.

Zack kept fingering through his three joints, hoping to figure out a way to use them. Then it hit him. Zack walked over to Mike and put two fingers to his lips, indicating that he wanted a smoke.

"Can we smoke in here?" Mike asked out loud to the man on the other side. Not surprisingly, he didn't answer. Mike took out his pack and threw them to Zack, who immediately began to empty the tips into the garbage can. "I'm going to smoke in here." Mike said defeated as he bent over and took one of the unmolested cigarettes from the pile on the floor and reached into his pocket for a lighter. He lit it. "Do you people even have mental disorders where you come from?" Mike took a puff. "Or have you guys like programmed out all of the random and horrible bullshit humans go through?" Mike already knew the answer, but it was always good to get it from multiple sources before confirming something.

Zack was busy turning three joints inside out and stuffing them inside the spent cigarette casings. He made four marijuana cigarettes and put three of them into his pocket. Zack walked up to the door and lit one of the cigarette joints.

"And now we're going to get a little high." Mike laughed. He put two fingers together and pressed them on his lips in a mock display of hitting a joint.

Outside the man stirred. There was a knock at the door. Mike scooted away from the door and looked up at Zack. Zack looked at him in the eyes and gave him a weed cigarette. "We're going to blow our way out." Zack said somberly. Mike got up and lit his joint, completely discarding the lit cigarette that was just in his hand. He flicked it over to the side of the trash can in the corner of the room and it missed. It landed on the shag carpet and immediately started sizzling.

The smell in the room was growing stronger so the man behind the door opened it. Zack blew a full hit into his face and it seemed to blow away from his skeleton like confetti in the wind. Mike ran passed him and blew a joint his into the face of two pretty female passersby. Their heads instantly started to bubble off of their bodies. Zack and Mike made their way through an ever increasing crowd of humanoid aliens. As soon as they got rid of the one's around the back of them, there were new ones clawing their way up their fronts. Eventually Mike couldn't keep up the pace and was eventually swallowed into a gaggle of alien Catholics.

"No!!!" Zack screamed as he tried in vein to keep up with the blow smoke and advance his offensive strategy. He was eventually fallen and the crowd out in the auditorium hoisted them on their shoulders and brought them to the stage. Both Ronny and Mr. Shoemaker were on the elevated stage before the congregation. Mike and Zack lay before their feet. Their clothes ripped off of their bodies. Mike lay in the fetal position while Zack stood up fully nude in front of the many church going aliens. A few cries of unbelief swept over the room. Everyone was looking at it. Zack's nine inch cock rocking back and forth like that guy from the end of Boogie Nights. That one Mark Walburg picture where he was a porn star with the twelve inch hog? Like that only without the prosthetic penis.

Rusty ran onto the stage and took his inch height advantage to the fullest by holding Zack back. Mike held onto his legs while he lay on the floor, sure that death was soon to find them. For the first time in years, Mike began to pray. Not to God, but to science. God hadn't helped the race of people who put science before humanity. Fucking resulting in Goddamn alien invasion. Why couldn't he had just said no to going out here. Come meet my family, she said. Fucking A!

While Zack twisted and turned in Rusty's large muscular arms, Arms took Mike and held him at arms length with on hand. As if Mike's naked body was offensive.

Ronny came up to the podium. "Looks like we forgot a few loose ends." He laughed and the rest of the auditorium started to calmly chuckle and people began to sit in their seats. Ronny laughed to himself and looked over at Mr. Shoemaker, who nodded.

Back in the waiting room where Mike and Zack had been fully clothed just moments before was fully set aflame. The smoke rose in the church ventilation system, which alarmed no one seeing as they also processed carbon dioxide as a fuel source.

Mr. Shoemaker smiled and walked up to the podium. "It looks like our expansion has to be sped up a little thanks to some rather unfortunate circumstances." Zack spat at Mr. Shoemaker, who just cheerfully wiped the loogie off his face. Mike didn't even try to hide his nakedness anymore.

"Fuck it!" Mike yelled. "I have a small dick!" He then started thrusting angrily towards the crowd.

Zack couldn't help himself but to laugh and somewhere in the crowd somebody assured Mike that he was fine. Mr. Shoemaker cracked his neck. "It has come to my attention that..." He saw billowing smoke rise from the doorway over by the entrance. "This place is on fire." He said with a chuckle. Then he started coughing. Mike and Zack instantly knew the smell.

The room full of alien Catholics all started coughing in broken unison. Nagget appeared amidst the chaos before the stage. Rusty and Arms had let go of their charges and ran for safety. Mike wrapped himself with some cloth from the alter and covered up his pride. Zack on the other hand, put his hands to the sides of his waists and smiled nudely at the horribleness occurring in front of them. Even a whif of pot made them get all slippery and such. Aliens kept tripping over each other and Nagget took Mike's arm and they followed Zack out. It seemed to be that there was no alien inside getting out. The farthest one to even reach the two step front of the church was Rusty.

Rusty lay on the front entrance staring up at the smoke caked ceiling. His breath becoming labored. Nagget and Mike passed by him without much notice but when Zack got there, he knelt down, and stuck his penis in Rusty's mouth. Rusty seemed to be choking but when Zack took his thing out of his mouth he was still choking on something. From the smell of it somebody had put a lot of pot smoke into the ventilation system.

Nagget laughed. "Stupid fuckers still run on a wood stove. Could you believe it?"

Screams rose in the church as the three of them walked on by the church itself, relishing in the horrible screams coming from the inside.

They got to Anna's car and Nagget's first thing was to get Mike and Zack out of the cold. He didn't have any clothes on him but a quick drive back to his place settled matters. They got dressed and Nagget began to pick up the ruins that was his house. Apparently the cops or whoever was here before them had trashed the place. Nagget wasn't sure but he did know that there had to be some people who hadn't attended church. They needed to get out of town and fast.

The baggy clothes were a perfect fit for tall lanky Zack but were ill fitted for Mike's short frame. But clothes were clothes. Zack thought it was funny that he was wearing a shirt with a pot leaf being rolled up by a skeletal hand. Mike had to suffer silently with a Phish t-shirt and ripped jeans. They got some more pot from his secret stash under the floor boards. Nagget wore his usual green sweater and blue jeans ensemble.

They got into the car and drove passed the burning church. There were still some silhouettes writhing around behind curtains on the second floor. Mike felt bad for them. If they experienced life like we do then this is all they got. Just like them. Mike thought about Anna. He hadn't seen her in the church at all and just had to assume that her evil clone was still alive and around there somewhere. They drove the long way around the mountain. The snow was deep but, at about five feet or so, Zack or Nagget would get out to shovel the snow.

After about an hour of trekking down the mountainside they hit a road block. Like a military roadblock from the looks of it. Nagget honked on his horn and got out of Anna's car. Zack stayed in the back with Mike. Holding him like a mother would a frightened child.

"Fancy meeting you fellows here." Nagget said through the pounding snow and wind. The army vehicle before them was large and sand colored. It blended in with the snow surprisingly well.

While Nagget talked to the man maintaining the blockade, Zack turned around and looked at Mike, who was scrunching up into the fetal position again. Zack caressed Mike's surprisingly soft hands and sighed. "It's going to be alright little man."

Mike gave him a look of defeat. "I know I'm little."

And that was how it was until Nagget got back into the car. "It looks like they've had their eye on this place for a while. We're going to be air lifted to a military base near Colorado Springs. They have an air force base there." Nagget looked for approval from either Mike or Zack, neither did though.

At the base they had a hot meal and some nifty hot cocoa. They had to be strip searched and put through a chemical bath. An air force officer, a big motherfucker at like six nine with a blond buzz cut, confiscated their marijuana. No matter how many times they told the scientists there they just didn't seem to want to believe that these guys came from millions of light years away just to be brought down with a simple cannabinoid. After so many times, Mike just stopped talking.

They gave Nagget a separate room but Zack bunked with Mike. Mike hadn't said anything in the longest time. He hadn't eaten either. Zack took the top bunk out of courtesy. He didn't want Mike having to exert himself more so than he already had by climbing the bunk bed.

It was near dark and Zack, although neither Mike nor Zack knew what time it was because they were many levels into a deep government bunker. Zack lay in bed reading an old Phillip K. Dick novel, A Scanner Darkly. Mike slept fitfully below on the bottom bunk. Nightmares of his girlfriend with a melted face and her holding his still beating heart after she had plunged her hand into his chest. Blood pumped out of him with frightening regularity. Pump. Pump. Pump.

Mike awoke with a headache. He got up and looked above his bunk and saw Zack sleeping sideways on his bed. He was so thin that he almost blanked out when he rolled onto his side. Mike wished he could still wear size small shirts. He wished he was Zack. About a week into his arrival in Goodington he had already made it with many alien chicks. Mike almost started crying. He wasn't a man. He would never be that macho duesch bag that he secretly wanted to be.

He wished he could just cum on a girl's face. He knew deep down that he just wasn't that much of an asshole. Mike went to the door and knocked on the window. It pulled back and an officer's face came into view. "What do you need?" He asked.

"Tylenol." Mike asked, rubbing the sleep from his eyes.

Within a minute or two two pills appeared inside a small plastic measuring cup and a little paper cup of water trhough the open and shut opening in the door. Mike took it and left the remnants on the little door sill. As he was walking back to his bed he noticed that Zack was now awake. He walked up to the top bunk and put his arms on the side. Zack had one of his hands down his pants and he was staring up at the ceiling blankly while he played with himself.

"What the hell just happened." Mike asked to no one in particular.

Zack continued to make squishing noises as air got sucked into the sides of his penis tip. "Just one big fucked up world." Zack said as he rubbed his foreskin against his dick. Mike didn't particularly want to watch Zack jerk off so he sat down on his bunk. He put his head in his hands and started to cry. Up above he heard Zack's breathing get faster and Mike cried even harder at this. Then Zack's hand came down at Mike's face and snapped his fingers. "Napkin." Mike obeyed and walked over to where their food trays were and picked up a napkin. He walked back to the bed and handed it to Zack, who now had his pants down and he was jerking his thing up and down his slender body. He looked over at Mike while he breathed shallowly. His face and shirt were soaked in sweat already.

"What's wrong?" Zack asked in between heavy breaths. "Ever see your roommate jerk off before?"

Mike sat back down on his bed just in time to hear Zack moan. There was a slurping noise and Mike saw Zack throw the spent napkin over into the trash can. Almost a perfect shot. But alas it was not meant to be and it hit near the basket next to the large metal door.

"You'd never last in prison dude." Zack said as he pulled his pants back over his waist. He turned over. "Night." And before Mike could make sense of it, Zack was snoring. Mike stood up and looked over at his friend who lay sleeping facing the opposite direction. Mike pulled Zack's blanket up over him and rested it at his shoulders. He would have covered more of Zack but when he got the blanket up to his shoulders then the bottom of the blanket exposed his jelly feet. Mike rarely saw Zack sleep with his clothes on unless it was really cold in the room.

Mike walked up to the door and turned the handle. He opened the door and a medium height brown haired recruit peered in. "Everything alright with you guys?"

Mike nodded and sighed. "Yeah." He tried to walk further but the cadet stopped him.

"I'm sorry sir but it is bed time." The man said as if he were rehearsing a script.

"What's going to happen to us?" Mike asked no one in particular.

The man stood before him, maintaining his ground. "Sir I'm going to have to ask you to step back into your room."

Mike waved him off and went back into the room. There was a loud but inevitable clank as the metal door ribbed itself against the metal frame. Making an unearthly screeching noise.

Sometimes Mike can hear Nagget talk through his vent by the bed. But lately Nagget hasn't been talking.

What do you do with the first people to make real alien contact? Are they going to be guinea pigs for the rest of their life? Mike wasn't sure but he thought about it a lot lately. Maybe it would have been the right thing to do and have stayed with the aliens. Would that have been considered treason? Mike wept silently into his standard issue Army surplus pillow. It felt like a thick plastic bag. It didn't breathe at all. Sweat collected on Mike's face where he lay crying.

Above him, Zack dreamed of fucking Anna's tight, tight alien ass again.

There was a crash. The door swung open and a strong wind blew the government issue blanket off of Mike's body. He shot up and looked to the door and there stood Rusty, the red haired cop. Then the wind died down when someone rolled an industrial sized fan across the hall about five feet from the door. Rusty chewed on his tooth pick some before using his tongue to move it from side to side. He walked in and sat by Mike on the bottom bunk.

"Miss me?" He said with a smirk. Mike was too frightened to say anything.

Finally he mustered up the courage to speak. "You're dead!"

Rusty giggled. "Just add water. Since becoming nanofied we haven't had a true death of our kind in a few thousand years." He caressed Mike's gentle features. "So. Here we are." Rusty pulled out a gun from his holster and aimed it at Mike's testicles.

Zack moaned from the top bunk. He listlessly moved over in his bed and looked down. "Who's the ginger?"

Rusty looked up and smiled. "You two are so dead."

Mike felt coldness rush through his veins. "So this is it huh?"

Rusty nodded and put the gun to his head. "I really wish I could do this right now. But to be honest even after the shit you pulled at the hospital and the church, Dr. Shatner still wants your brain."

"My brain?" Mike asked, confused.

Rusty's grin showcased his coffee stained teeth. He has some pretty big incisors, sort of like a wild animal would have. Zack plopped down from the second bunk.

"What the fuck are you pulling here?" Zack asked, ready to hit somebody with his bony fists.

Mike sighed and asked "Can Zack come with me?"

Rusty smiled and took out a small pad with a single button on it from his khaki policeman's uniform pants. He pressed it. A small hum buzzed from it and it immediately paralyzed Zack. First he straightened up from head to toe then fell over still standing upright. He hit his head pretty hard on the concrete floor but Rusty wasn't too concerned with that.

"I could kill you now." Rusty put his big ginger hands over Mike's more modest grabbing thingies and held onto them tightly. "It's not my fault I retained the personality of the person I cloned. He was apparently some sort of big old bad ass that fucked male hookers and such. Reason why I chose him. Now you..." He traced one of Mike's veins with his meaty forefinger. "We've decided that this planet has just enough resources for us to live a few thousand years."

Mike didn't want to bring up the fact that the world was slowly succumbing to global warming, but he didn't need to.

"We can reverse your carbon heating crisis. In fact all we have to do is put some more CO2 in your atmosphere and ironically that will cool your planet for a while longer." He let go of Mike's hand. Rusty's sweat still stuck to Mike's palms. Mike was breathing fast and hard.

"So I'm going to die?" Mike asked in a small helpless voice.

Rusty laughed. "Well. You're friend surely is. He has nothing to offer us. Other than impregnating fifteen of our clones. We thought for a while that we may could have him show us what a human male would function as a father. But we have other great candidates."

"But Zack is tall and has a nine inch cock. That's not normal in our society."

"I've seen tons of your porn."

"But normally in porn movies they have an short guy with an average dick and on camera it just looks big. Please. There must be something you can keep him alive for, right?"

Rusty smiled and pointed his gun towards Zack's back. He rested his finger on the trigger. "All we need is his DNA to run the tests. In fact." Rusty bit off a piece of his tongue and spit it on Zack. It immediately started hissing once it touched his bare stomach and then plopped onto the side where he lay and it began to grow. Rusty walked out of the room for a minute or so. It never occurred to Mike to escape. He figured that they had the base now and anything he did would be grounds for execution.

Rusty came back into the room with a bottle of Avian spring water. He walked up to the piece of tongue that was sizzling on the concrete floor and splashed a little water on it. Immediately it started boiling and it grew into a small humanoid shape at first. Then with some more water it grew legs and arms and became flesh toned. Then a penis and an ass appeared and a fully formed little Zack was on the floor. It looked up at them.

"What the fuck are you fags looking at?" The little Zack said with big Zack's usual venom.

Rusty laughed and gave the small man the bottle of water. He drank it and grew bigger to the pulsing of it's heartbeat. It pulsed and pulsed until it was six three and nine inches in genitalia. Mike had never seen Zack naked when he was flaccid. It made him feel even worse about his equipment.

Evil Zack looked down at the paralyzed real Zack and kicked him in the ribs. "Where's your white women at?" Evil Zack asked. He bent down and took the pair of pants and boxers from Zack. Then he put them on. The real Zack was just starting to twitch, as if he was slowly able to control his bodily functions again. Rusty zapped the little box at him again and he straightened up and was still on the floor.

Evil Zack walked over to the bunk where Rusty sat and sat with him. "I have all of his memories too." Evil Zack said. "In fact we don't need to keep this thing around any longer now that we have me."

Zack slowly reached for Rusty's gun, which was in his right hand. Rusty let him take it. He walked over to where Zack was frozen on the floor and pointed it to his head. Despite being paralyzed Zack managed to let a few tears of fear run down his cheek. This was the most vulnerable that Mike had ever seen him before. It made Mike's stomach twist and churn despite the fact that he hadn't eaten in a day or so. The guards had offered him some macaroni and cheese but he respectfully declined. He wished he would have had something then. If for anything than that he would have something to throw up with.

Evil Zack stared down at his naked good version laying on the floor and kicked him in the ribs again. Rusty grinned at Mike and pressed his button again. Zack started to move around on the floor while the evil Zack put his foot on the small of his back. He put the gun to his lower back and made a "pow" sound, not really shooting the gun. Rusty laughed while the boxer clad evil Zack snickered along with him.

The good Zack looked over at Mike and his eyes were full of tears. He knew he was going to die. So did Mike. Mike knew that he may not make it out of this alive either. They both resigned themselves to an early death.

"Please don't." Mike begged as he reached for Zack's paralyzed hand.

"What's that?" The evil Zack asked as he put a bullet into the small of Zack's back. Good Zack screamed out in terror and immense pain. He felt a nerve signal pain from his spinal cord all the way to his brain. Zack started dry heaving while Evil Zack put two more bullets into his back. Zack looked up helplessly at Mike as the evil Zack and Rusty laughed their humanoid heads off.

"Mike." Good Zack uttered with a mouthful of blood. He had been hit in the lungs. Mike knew this from taking biology 101 at the Community College of Denver. For some reason it came up that only when people are shot in the lungs or stomach do they cough up blood.

Mike, still sitting by Zack, holding his hand as peered down and looked helplessly as his friend bled out. "Oh Zack!"

Evil Zack put his bare foot on Good Zack's neck and a second later there was a loud crunch as evil Zack crushed good Zack's neck vertebrae. Zack's expression was forever frozen in a twisting snarl of pain and fear. Blood dripped out the side of his mouth and stained the concrete just below his jaw. Evil Zack laughed.

Mike started crying and Rusty put his hands to Mike's head. "Shh... No crying."

Evil Zack laughed. "Won't be fucking any more of our white woman."

Rusty's smile was more of a sneer now. "We want to kill you now. Maybe in a worse manner. But just feel lucky that we're going to take your brain."

"What?" Mike asked through the torrent of tears flowing down his cheeks.

"We just need your brain." Rusty continued. "We just hook it up to our computers and we can run simulations on what your reaction would be. So technically you aren't dead. Just a brain sitting in a jar sending out electrical impulses to our main computer."  
Dr. Shatner walked into the room and stepped over the dead man on the floor. He had a jar with what looked like electronics taped to the side. He smiled. "We meet again."

Mike cowered. "Can't you just see how I would react in a real world situation?"

Rusty looked back at Dr. Shatner, who nodded. "I get to kill you now."

Mike was crying hard. Rusty shooshed him. "It will be over quick." He reached over and grabbed Mike's right hand. Mike let it be guided by the ginger clone and he put it up to his lips. Rusty licked Mike's fingers and before Mike could take his hand away, Rusty bit into his middle finger and drew blood. Mike could feel the man's teeth scrape against his finger bone. Mike screamed in pain but Dr. Shatner and Evil Zack just looked on at him with benevolent amusement. Dr. Shatner finally looked away in what could be construed as disgust.

"Really there is no need to make him suffer." Dr. Shatner said vehemently under his breath.

Rusty put Mike in a bear hug and dragged him from the bed. He held him in place while Dr. Shatner put some wires with tape at the ends to Mike's forehead. Then he nodded and Rusty put his hands around Mike's neck. Mike could feel the man getting an erection from choking him. He felt his head come under immense pressure and he saw the world slowly retreat from view. What reality he saw before him turned into a white light. He heard Zack and Anna call from that far away light and Mike could feel himself running for it. The faster he went the father the light went away from him.

It soon disappeared. Leaving Mike in the darkness. He could no longer feel his body or anything for that matter. It was just black and he felt nothing. Mike finally felt at peace in non-existence.

Mike awoke in a small white room with two white chairs. He was wearing white clothing and he saw Zack sitting in one of the chairs and Anna standing by him. Mike walked up to them. "Am I dead?" Mike asked.

Zack nodded. "Not quite dead. Consider yourself in the Matrix." Zack said with a defeated grunt as a glass of red wine materialized in his hand. "I don't know whether I'm here as part of a program or if they're using my brain too."

Mike walked over to Anna. "Are you the real Anna?"

Anna shook her head. "They ate my body. I'm just a recollection of Zack's mind and yours. I feel and live if you want to believe that. You two are technically alive since your brains are still functioning. Just that you don't have any body."

Mike looked around the white room. "I wonder if they can see us?"

Unbeknownst to them was the fact that through the connections in their visual centers in their brains, alien viewers could peek in and see what was going on. Mike feared that he would be stuck inside his mind for the rest of eternity.

"I guess this is death on some level." Mike said sadly.

Zack stood up and downed his glass of wine. He threw the glass at the white wall and before it shattered it turned into a white dove and flew up to the top of the room, which kept getting higher and higher as it went. Eventually the roof got so high that they lost track of the dove.

Zack snapped his fingers and a deck of Uno cards appeared in his hands. "If we're a part of some fucked up alien reality show..." He opened the deck. "Let's give them something to watch."

Anna's body jumped like an electrical glitch on the television. She jumped up and out of frame. Then she turned into five foot seven white noise. She was all static. She spoke through the hiss. "It's all over fellows. Enjoy your eternity."

Mike sat in Anna's now vacant seat and a table popped up from the floor between the two men. Zack drew Mike's cards and gave him his deck. Then Zack got his cards in order. Mike drew first.

It was a blue two. Just like they were.
David McGhee lives in and near Denver Colorado. He has a form of autism called "Asperger's" just like in this book. Although his symptoms vary from that of Mike Inman.

He lives with his partner, Drummer Frank Registrato and roommate Drew Kadish. The bestest two people in the whole wide world!

David has gray blue eyes. Yeah. You try competing with that!
