Many of us have been on lockdown for the past
few weeks in an effort to stop a scourge that
has been likened to the plague.
You thought it could never happen in our time,
but it has…and if what we’re experiencing
now could happen, anything can—including
the zombie apocalypse.
Since you have all this free time on your
hands, now is the time to make a supply list
so you’ll be prepared…you know, just in
case.
You’ll need bread of every kind, milk, eggs,
rubbing alcohol, drinking alcohol, hand sanitizer,
and of course—toilet paper, but did you
know that you’ll also need a dog?
We did, and in this episode of Animal Facts,
we’re going to share our picks for the best
dogs to help you survive the zombie apocalypse.
To survive a zombie apocalypse, the first
thing you’ll need to do is hire a top-notch
security team.
This elite team of guard dogs should be composed
of canines that have a natural inclination
to protect the ones they love.
Other desirable characteristics include intelligence
(because they need to know the difference
between the dead and the undead), alertness
(so they’ll be quick to let you know when
danger is near…be it a zombie, looter, or
your asymptomatic human bestie), fearlessness
(so you know they’ll always have your back—
unlike said human bestie), focus and tenacity
(to stick to the task at hand, whether it’s
taking down a zombie piece by piece or that
lady hoarding all the toilet paper, again)
and of course, size (no explanation needed).
Our doggie defense crew includes the Doberman
Pinscher, Rottweiler, Pit Bull, Mastiff, Belgian
Malinois and top canine cop—the German Shepherd.
Not only will they protect you, but their
perseverance will inspire you to keep pushing
when you want to throw in the towel.
Although it’s only natural that you would
want a big, assertive dog to feel secure during
a hostile zombie takeover, there are several
small breeds that can help keep you safe with
their feistiness and barking ability.
Since they’re only tall enough to bite ankles,
these tiny tough pups make excellent watchdogs,.
If you’re a small dog devotee, make sure
to include the Chihuahua, Pomeranian, and
Miniature Schnauzer on your paw patrol.
It might also be prudent to add some type
of Terrier.
They know how to bring the noise and are compulsive
diggers—a skill that can prove useful when
the corpses start to pile up.
Dig it?
The next thing on your apocalypse preparedness
checklist should be food.
Sure, canned goods are the staple of any disaster
diet.
Who doesn’t love a hearty can pork and beans,
chili, or Vienna Sausage?
There’s nothing like the taste of good ole
non-perishable cheap eats, but neither man
nor woman can live on canned food alone.
That’s why you’ll find a good hunting
dog invaluable in a world where restaurants
and grocery stores cease to exist.
Want to bring home some big game for dinner?
Get yourself a Bloodhound.
Not only will you have an expert animal tracker
on your side, but you’ll also have the best
nose around for tracking humans, as well.
After a long day of zombie evasion, you can
just turn ‘em loose— their howl will tell
you when they’ve hit the jackpot.
If you’re in the mood for smaller fare,
the Dachshund is your “hot dawg.”
Built for burrowing underground to track small
prey like rabbits and foxes, it can find food
without being seen.
It is also equipped with the courage, strength,
and teeth to go toe to toe with more vicious
foes, other den-dwellers like the badger and
wolverine - no not him.
And to top it off, the weiner dog has a surprisingly
loud bark that will let you know when the
chase is over.
If you really want to go fancy, get yourself
the Alexa of hunting dogs—the Pointer.
Like everyone’s favorite virtual assistant,
the Pointer “tells” you what you need
to know in rather certain terms.
Instead of howling when it has successfully
tracked down dinner, which may or may not
invite the walking dead to a brain buffet,
this canine compass stands straight and still
while bending one leg, basically forming an
arrow with its body and “pointing” out
the location of delicious prey.
This low-noise method of tracking could prove
rather useful, because it will allow you to
go stealth when grabbing some grub.
If you live in an area where more snow is
shoveled than grass is cut, you’ve got to
have reliable transportation that can withstand
harsh temperatures, doesn’t need gasoline,
and can run as well as any hybrid car.
Given their strength and stamina, a posse
of Sled dog favorites such as the Siberian
Husky, Samoyed, and Alaskan Malamute would
serve as the ideal engines for your sled or
sleigh.
To sweeten the deal, these breeds can also
double as guard dogs.
Okay, so we’ve highlighted the breeds we
think would be invaluable in the event of
a zombie apocalypse, and grouped them according
to their innate abilities.
Well, our final group could be called the
“Swiss Army Dogs” of the zombie apocalypse,
because they do it all.
It is highly likely that the ever-popular
Labrador Retriever and Golden Retriever will
retain their popularity through the apocalypse
because of their wide range of abilities.
Though both were bred to retrieve waterfowl
and fish without damaging it, they are also
used as detection, service or therapy dogs,
lifeguards, and in search and rescue operations.
In short, these breeds are your one-stop-shop
for surviving against the odds.
Well, that does it for this edition of Animal
Facts, but before we go, we have one more
word of advice for those who want a multi-faceted
dog that will survive any apocalypse—get
a mutt…they’re invincible.
As a matter of fact, you should probably run
out to your friendly neighborhood shelter
and rescue one as soon as possible.
While a zombie apocalypse may end up being
purely fictional, at least we hope it does,
the current crisis is quite real.
Stay safe, facts hounds.
And, if at all possible stay home.
Here’s a few more videos for your binge-watching
world saving viewing pleasure.
And as always, catch ya next time.
