Translator: Leonardo Silva
Reviewer: Ellen Maloney
I once heard someone say,
"There's as many genders in the world
as there are stars in the sky."
Isn't that beautiful,
the idea that our gender is unique
to who we are as individuals?
But it's not that way now, is it?
We have two boxes
we can check: male or female.
Have you ever wondered,
"Hey, why is that?"
Last week, I got lunch with a new friend,
and she asked me the pretty
typical question of, "What do you do?"
I'm always ready for this question,
and I have an elevator speech prepared.
It goes, "I study the resilience
of transgender people;
I want to understand
how they deal with discrimination
and make the world 
a better place for them,
because a better place for them
is a better place for me."
But that's when I get
what I call "the real question."
It's the real question of,
"Wait a minute ... You're not trans.
So, why do you care so much
about trans people?"
You know, it's not necessarily
a negative question,
and I'm always happy 
to answer the question
because it's an opportunity
to create greater understanding
about who trans people really are.
But I have to admit
the question also makes me sad.
It makes me sad because it's a question
that seems so normal to those who ask it.
It's a question that makes me sad
because it's as if caring about
the well-being and treatment
of my trans brothers and sisters
should be abnormal
and there must be "a reason" that I do it.
I do it because I care about trans people
and because trans people
are like all of us.
We want to live life as we truly are
and be our real selves, right?
But society doesn't seem
to want that, do we?
How do I know?
Trans people get stared at,
physically and verbally assaulted,
just for walking down the street
in their own skin.
When trans people go to the doctor
to seek healthcare,
they often have to educate
their own doctor on how to treat them.
And trans people share that they're afraid
to use public restrooms.
Yes, I said "afraid." Why?
Because public restrooms
are some of the most
unsafe places for trans people.
Now, if you're like me, the last time
I felt afraid to use a public restroom,
it was because it was
super nasty, and smelled,
and looked like it hadn't been cleaned
in a million years.
I never once felt afraid to use it
because someone was judging
whether I should be in there or not.
And, on top of it all,
trans people are asked
the most rude questions all the time,
as in, "Oh, you're trans?
So, have you had the surgery yet?"
Or, if it's a trans guy,
"Oh, does that mean you have a penis?"
Again, if you're like me,
my mom and dad taught me
it's seriously bad manners
to ask what's inside
someone's pants, right?
All these negative experiences,
they add up for trans people.
In a recent survey,
41% of the trans participants
said they had attempted suicide
at least once in their life.
If we are all trans in the room now,
that's nearly half of us.
And think about any
identity group that you're in;
that's nearly half of that group.
So, I actually have
a real, real question for all of us:
if society is so toxic for trans people,
why aren't we all working harder to make
this world a better place for them?
I think I might know of the reasons why.
We don't know who trans people are,
we don't know their histories,
we don't know where they come from and we
don't learn about them in our families.
You know, one of the first
and most famous trans people
was covered in the 1950s.
Her name was Christine Jorgensen.
She was a white trans woman.
She famously was covered by the media.
She ran to the Netherlands
to get what's now called
a gender affirmation surgery.
But Christine's story 
taught us two things.
One, that being trans is a white thing,
and two, that being trans
is a more recent thing.
as if being trans was a trend or a fad.
And both of those things,
they just simply aren't true.
The truth is that trans people
have existed throughout time, culture,
continent and context
for hundreds of years.
The Māhū of Hawaii, the Muxhe of Mexico,
the Hijra of India and Pakistan,
the trans peoples of the continents
of Latin America and Africa.
In many of these cultures,
trans people were seen as sacred.
They led ceremonies and rituals. Why?
Because their lives were valued.
They were considered important.
So, how did we get to this place
where we lost trans histories
and sacred stories?
And PS: how do we not think
about how we transgress gender every day?
Think about your own gender for a moment.
Who told you you were a boy or a girl?
Who taught you the unspoken rules
about how to perform that gender?
And what happened when you stepped out
of that tiny gender box?
You know, for the women in the room,
we're taught what?
We can't be thin enough and we certainly
can't be beautiful enough.
Even the fashion models on the billboards
report hating their bodies.
And, if we're in the workplace
and we're too assertive
or we stand up for ourselves too much,
we're called what? A bitch.
And, if we get too emotional,
at home with our family, or at work,
we're labeled as hysterical.
And for the men in the room,
you get it too.
You can't get emotional at all, can you?
You can't cry. Why?
Because these things
are signs of weakness,
and you've got to toughen up
to this world as a man,
you've got to achieve a certain level
of success and be a strong provider.
So, in all actuality, these gender boxes
kind of beat us all up, right?
You know,
I was raised by a white southern mom
and an Indian dad.
If any of you really want to admit that
you've watched "Duck Dynasty" before -
I won't judge you, don't worry -
that's basically my mom's
side of the family.
And, in that context, I learned
that being a woman meant
I didn't take up too much space,
wore full face of make-up,
had really big hair and I spent
all my time getting a man.
Actually, if I had conformed rigidly
to those gender roles,
I wouldn't even be here
speaking with you today.
On the Indian side of my family,
my Indian dad said, "Anneliese," -
he identified as a feminist,
strangely enough -
He said, "Anneliese, you can be and do
whatever you want to as a woman.
The sky is the limit."
And then, in the next breath,
he told me he'd arrange a marriage
with a nice Indian man for me.
(Laughter)
What?
Mixed messages around gender, right?
It's all so confusing.
A brilliantly "advanced" civilization
wants to label us as soon as we're born.
We say, "It's a boy," or, "It's a girl."
And that's where it all begins, right?
From that moment on, we're taught
to act and look in certain ways,
and we're dressed in certain clothes.
But how about the next time
a beautiful, precious little one was born
into your community of family and friends
that you said instead, 
"Yay, it's a baby!"?
And how about if we understand
that all-children and all-gender play
is good for them all?
And how about if we understand
that children try on gender identities
just like we do, like costumes,
every day, right?
And how about if we let our children
show us who they are
in terms of their gender,
instead of us telling them
who we want them to be?
You know, last December,
a 17-year-old trans girl named
Leelah Alcorn committed suicide
by walking out into oncoming traffic.
She was hit and killed
by a tractor trailer.
Her suicide note read,
"My death needs to be counted
in the number of transgender people
that killed themselves this year.
I want someone to look at that number
and say that's fucked up and fix it.
Fix society, please."
You know, it doesn't have
to be this way, it really doesn't.
We can all change the lives
of trans people for the better
just by changing how we think
and feel about our own gender.
And, when we make those changes,
they have ripple effects
into our communities and our worlds.
But, most importantly, because each of us
actually does transgress gender every day,
when we make those changes in how
we think and feel about our own gender,
we become more loving and compassionate
not only to other people,
but we become more compassionate
and loving to ourselves,
and we become more 
compassionate and loving
to that little kid inside of all of us
that got so beat up
around gender growing up.
A better world for trans people
is a better world for all of us.
So, let's support the liberation
of our trans brothers and sisters
not because they need us to be there,
but because we need us to be there
to liberate our own selves.
Thank you.
(Applause)
