[Duke Nukem "Grabbag" theme]
Welcome back to Punching Weight: a celebration
of the weird, ambitious and unnecessary.
In previous episodes we've discussed
Doom and Quake console ports,
but we haven't forgot about another icon
of nineties PC gaming: Duke Nukem 3D!
Launching months before Quake,
Duke's own impressive 3D graphics
proved that id Software wasn't the only game in town.
Naturally, consoles wanted a piece of the action.
Maybe more than any other first-person shooter from
the time, Duke 3D has some of the weirdest ports!
But for this episode, I wanna focus on the PS1, Saturn
and N64 ports, because it's a unique opportunity.
This is one of the few times we can legitimately pit the Sony
Playstation, Sega Saturn and N64 against one another.
One of the most influential 3D shooters
ever made, on three systems
that each handled 3D graphics
in drastically different ways.
This is Punching Weight, Episode 16:
Duke Nukem 3D Console Ports.
Let's begin with the Playstation port
 developed by Aardvark Studios.
Unlike the other two ports, this one has a
fancy subtitle: Duke Nukem: Total Meltdown!
Because of this, you might confuse it for one of
the other console spinoffs,  but this is the PC port.
The likely reason it has a special name is because it has
an entirely new fourth episode called Plug And Pray.
That's seven new levels, plus
the entire original PC campaign,
making it the most robust package of our three games!
All the raunchy one-liners and sexy
adult content are present here,
which was still a pretty rare
thing for consoles back in '97.
One great feature is an awesome remixed soundtrack,
kinda similar to the music makeover
the 3DO port of Doom had.
[techno remix of the Hollywood Holocaust theme]
And there's neat 3D animations at the
end of each level, which is a nice touch.
Of the three, this is the most successful in visually
matching the Build engine that powered the PC original.
That means looking up and down still turns
the game into a circus House of Mirrors.
It gets points for being the truest port, but
personally I've always thought it looked terrible.
Thankfully, looking up and down
isn't necessary all the time,
since Total Meltdown features Doom-style aim assist.
And speaking of controls, they're pretty good
and have a decent amount of customization.
One problem with Duke 3D is, and
we'll see this with all console versions:
There just ain't enough buttons on a controller!
With the "Doomed" control style, which fit best for me,
L1 and R1 are Strafe, so basic
movement isn't a problem,
but L2 acts as an Option mode for the entire controller:
It's how you look up and down, select
and use items, use Duke's boot...
Several hours of playing and I just never got used to it,
but there isn't much else they could have done.
A pleasant surprise was analog stick support!
Not dual-analog support though, just
the left stick, so looking is still a pain,
but this does make movement a lot smoother!
Though I had to turn the sensitivity down to Low.
At least there was the option.
Controls aside, the worst part of Total Meltdown might
be the framerate, which gets pretty bad in spots.
The other issue is... um... those extra levels, actually!
I spent several hours on just the
first level of the exclusive episode.
It was an enormous maze full
of frustrating puzzles and traps!
Good news for Duke superfans, but
I could only stomach it for so long.
If all the levels are that big, you're definitely getting
your money's worth, so I guess I can't be too angry.
Still, Total Meltdown might be my favorite port,
if only because it's the only one with a quicksave.
Listen, we all like old-school hard, punishing difficulty that
sends you back to the very beginning of a level when you die, but...
Man, how was I supposed to know there were
tripmines right on the other side of that door?!
And some of these levels are huge!
Man, I got shit to do!
Thank god for that quicksave!
Total Meltdown also features multiplayer,
but only with System Link.
A lack of splitscreen isn't surprising
in light of the game's framerate issues.
And other than the occasional slowdown
and the learning curve with the controls,
I'd say this is a damn fine port of
Duke Nukem 3D for your Playstation 1!
Up next from Eurocom is the N64 port,
aptly titled Duke Nukem 64.
There, was that so hard, Total Meltdown?
Graphically, Duke 64 is a departure from the PC version.
Built from the ground up for the N64,
levels are now full 3D!
Looking up and down doesn't give
you that funhouse mirror look,
but enemies and weapons are still sprite-based,
except for the final boss, who is now
a hulking polygonal nightmare.
Explosions are 3D too, and look pretty awesome!
It shouldn't be surprising that Duke
on the N64 runs incredibly well,
though it does occasionally get
a little too big for its britches,
with some spotty framerate when things get hectic.
In those instances, you'll definitely notice
the controls are a little too squirrely.
Duke no longer has the ability to toggle between
walk or run, so he's just running all the time,
and with no way to turn the sensitivity down, it's tough
to aim in a pinch or properly clear tripwire bombs.
Though when compared to a Playstation 1, I still
say Duke plays a little better on an N64 controller.
There are two main options for controls:
Turok-style, where you aim with the analog stick,
or Doom-style, where you move with the analog stick.
I again preferred the Doom style.
Unfortunately, this relegates your
up and down look to the D-pad.
It's actually not as bad as it sounds, but it's
definitely not an ideal way to play this game!
Using items is relegated to the
L button, which is also weird,
but jumping, ducking, strafing
and shooting work well enough.
Similar to Quake 64, there are no longer episodes,
instead the whole campaign
is just one long string of levels,
with most of the original campaign represented here.
Though Duke 64 sweetens the deal with
a few exclusive levels like Duke-Burger.
The lack of a quicksave is a bummer, but you keep
the weapons and items you had at the start,
so at least you aren't left empty-handed after
a surprise tripwire bomb abruptly ends your life.
Of course, Duke 64 is missing
a few things from the PC original.
The biggest omission is the music!
There is no music on any of the levels!
[explosion, Duke screaming]
This port also has the most censorship: most of
the sexual and religious content has been altered,
most notably on the second and third levels:
the strip club is now a loading bay,
the adult bookstore is now a gun store, and
the church is now another wing of jail cells.
Yeah, the porno shop becomes a gun store
and the church becomes more jail cells!
Not making any kinda statement with that, Nintendo!
One thing I like though is you can
rescue the babes in Duke 64.
It always struck me as really weird that the
only thing you could do with the alien babes
was either kill them or just leave them be.
Why were they even there?
And doesn't this go against
the very fiber of Duke Nukem?
"Damn, those alien scum have taken our babes!"
"But instead of rescuing them, I'm
just gonna murder them myself!"
I say Save The Babes! It's what Duke would want.
A huge boon for Duke 64 is its multiplayer!
Four-player splitscreen deathmatch,
up to three bots to fill empty seats,
and two-player campaign co-op makes this a
pretty impressive package not only for the time,
but one of the most feature-filled
multiplayer experiences on the system!
Eurocom even went the distance by including
a handful of exclusive levels for the multiplayer.
It doesn't run all that well, which in
retrospect is how most N64 games ran,
and the computer-controlled bots aren't that smart:
they don't seem to move around that much,
get stuck on things and don't ever seem
to use anything other than the pistol.
Altogether though, a solid shooter for the system
and another fine port of Duke Nukem 3D.
Another easy recommendation.
Last but certainly not least, we have Duke for the
Sega Saturn, coming to us from Lobotomy Studios.
Lobotomy was also responsible
for the Saturn's port of Quake,
which was an incredible sight to behold,
but not much more than a novelty.
Their Saturn port of Duke, however, is not only ambitious
as hell, but also a damn fine version of the game!
Running off the studio's own SlaveDriver engine,
like Duke 64, Duke Saturn was built
from the ground up in this new engine.
And while this again means
levels aren't exactly the same,
it overall runs just as well, if not better,
than the Playstation 1 version.
Of the Lobotomy Saturn Trilogy,
it may be the legitimate best one,
and is definitely one of the most
impressive games on the system.
Controls are, again, weird, but I think
handled the best on the Saturn.
L and R strafe, holding X toggles your
free-look, Y and Z change your weapons,
however, item usage is done on the pause screen.
You wanna activate your jetpack or Holoduke?
Pause the game and select it from there.
I actually think this is a pretty smart fix,
and I prefer it to fumbling with weird button
combinations or buttons just barely in reach.
Movement isn't as loose as Duke 64 or Quake Saturn,
though like Quake Saturn, it's compatible
with the Saturn's 3D analog controller,
but again, we weren't able to test it for ourselves.
Okay, there are so many weird
little things about this game!
This is technically the thinnest
campaign package of the three.
Despite what the back of the case
says, there are only 24 levels,
five of which are split into two
because they were just too big.
They try to sweeten the deal with the
promise of a 25th exclusive level,
but it's super short and incredibly disappointing.
Nothing to get excited about.
But the back cover also mentions another thing: Online!
Yes, that's right, the Sega Saturn had online, and Duke 3D
was one of the few games to use Sega Net Link,
though you wouldn't know by looking at the main menu.
I guess the option only appears when you
have a Sega Net Link cartridge inserted.
I'm not sure if that puts this port above the other two,
because playing this version online
is not really an option anymore,
but man, how cool is that?! The freakin'
Saturn not only got a port of Duke 3D,
but a great one that also featured online multiplayer!
And the weirdness just keeps coming with Duke Saturn:
It features a super-special secret
game called Death Tank Zwei.
it is an eight-player party game in the vein of
Worms or the DOS game Scorched Earth.
It is a sequel to the original Death Tank
hidden in the Saturn version of PowerSlave,
and was released on XBLA in 2009.
In order to access it in Duke Saturn,
destroy every toilet and urinal in the game,
or simply have Quake and PowerSlave data
on your system. We went with the latter.
Unfortunately it also requires
a multi-tap, which we do have,
and at least two controllers, which we do not have.
I tried moving our controller to
different ports, Psycho Mantis-style,
but we could not get past this screen to see
Death Tank for ourselves. So frustrating!
Another time, Death Tank Zwei. Another time.
Lastly, Duke Saturn is one of just two
games to carry the Deep Water label.
It was a lingering piece of
Sega's voluntary rating system,
and was supposed to indicate that this game was
"more mature than Mature" or something like that.
It doesn't feature anything the PS1 doesn't
have, and that was rated Mature too.
The whole thing is total nonsense, I thought Deep Water
was an obscure publisher until I looked it up.
So the PS1 has the most single-player content,
N64 runs the best and hast the most multiplayer,
and Saturn is the most technically impressive,
and was the only one with online.
Which is best?
Honestly, unlike Doom and Quake,
Duke is pretty alright no matter where you go!
In conclusion, not only is Duke 3D one of the few
games to appear on the PS1, Saturn and N64,
it's a pretty great experience on each one!
In '97, no matter which system you had,
quality Duke was at your fingertips.
How often do console wars end with a tie?
Who'd have ever thought that Duke Nukem would be
the great unifier of the fifth generation of consoles?
DUKE: "Damn, I'm good."
That's it for this episode of Punching Weight, as always,
if there are any weird, ambitious or unnecessary
games you would like us to cover,
let us know in the comments below!
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