What if michael reeves made a REAL laser baby?
First of all, don’t suck out the brains
of the child, amateur.
How are you going to satisfactorily abuse
someone that’s already dead?
Hi obvious disclaimer bearer Mo here, don’t
abuse children, children are awesome.
I’m actually on my pediatrics rotation right
and it’s really fun!
Any given child is automatically cooler than
the vast majority of adults you will ever
meet in your entire life.
And child abusers should go pick on someone
their own size and mental capacity.
That’s my mean mug, every child abuser that
saw that is now begging for forgiveness from
the kids they wronged.
So share this video with your local child
abusers.
Ummmm no, Michael Reeves, supposed mad genius,
Amazon doesn’t want you to build a baby
doll toy, read it properly it’s right there.
Amazon wants you to outfit YOUR BABY to be
like the laser baby from “The Boys”.
So we’re looking at a 24 week wait-time
at the very least, stop trying to rush, you’re
scamming Jeff Bezos.
But wait, Amazon actually wants it to be a
working baby so that’s at least an extra
decade in waiting.
How much time, cuz like, you have a while.
Yeah this can cause skull fractures, hormonal
imbalances, bleeding into the brain, coma,
death blah blahblah blahblah but do you know
what else it can cause?
Cerebrospinal fluid leaking out from your
nose, the ancient Egyptians would be proud.
Oh that fact isn’t cool enough for you?
Well I wasn’t done yet get your attention
span checked and learn how to be fascinated
more easily I bet it’s so sad to be you.
The leakage doesn’t have to be instant,
delayed traumatic CSF rhinorrhea.
How delayed could it possibly be I hear you
ask.
Apparently as far as 48 years!
Satisfied?
Is that intriguing enough of a tidbit for
you?
Did you really need to know you could have
brain boogers because you hit your head half
a century ago?
I’m going to go ahead and imagine he didn’t
do that like we discussed.
Oooo, this is a good one, the thing he just
did right there can lead to something we call
not being able to see for the rest of its
life.
So have you ever seen somebody just spew out
a random percentage like “They have burns
on 36% of their body!”?
Like why isn’t it 35 did you actually map
out and measure the burns to a perfect hundredth?
Actually it’s pretty easy to calculate with
something called the rule of 9’s and the
percentages aren’t random.
BUT!
Like I’ve said before, children aren’t
just small adults; and in this case, they
differ because turns out their heads are huge
in relation to their bodies.
So we have to adjust according to age if we
aren’t dealing with adults.
OOOOKAY!
Everyone’s favorite form of child abuse,
shaking babies! (Shaken Baby Syndrome)
I mean I see where they’re coming from,
looks like it would be a great work-out for
the ol’ musculoskeletal system, theirs and
their babies!
What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger
right?
RIGHT?!?
And shake-weights are expensive!
I think I don’t know I’ve never even seen
a shake weight.
Guess what else is expensive!
That’s right, raising kids.
See what I’m getting at here?
Two birds…
One stone…
So why exactly is shaking a baby worse than
shaking an adult?
It’s because babies’ neck muscles are
absolute trash, especially when you account
for the fact that their heads are categorically
massive!
So if I shook you a little bit, your neck
muscles could probably just compensate for
my force and stabilize your head.
I mean not me, I would absolutely obliterate
you but you get my point.
So basically it’s like you’re putting
the poor child’s developing brain through
a car crash or something.
Maybe refrain from that and take your anger
out on a pillow or a wall or something, cool?
September 2nd 2020 is the second most important
day of your life because it’s your last…
While September 4th 2020 is the most important
day of your life?
Michael Reeves is awesome and I believe his
surgery robot video was his greatest video
of all time… and yes I reacted to it please
go watch it and subscribe love you bye!
