[ ding ]
>> whoo!
>> yes
>> yeah.
[ laughter ]
>> let's go.
>> yeah!
>> it's wonderful to see my
betiful cast mates on this
technological approach to trying
to do a live show.
So -
>> and live from zoom, it's
sometime between March and
August
>> yeah!
>> this is crazy
let's do this.
♪
>> announcer: It's "Saturday
night live" at home with -
musical guest, chris martin.
And your host, tom hanks
ladies and gentlemen, tom hanks.
[ cheers and applause
>> hey, hey.
Aho, woah.
Thank you, thank you
that is some sound effect of
applause and whistles.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Thank you, engineers
hey, all you cool cats and
kittens.
It's me your old pal
and don't worry, don't be
afraid
this shaved head was just for a
movie.
And my hair is growing back very
slowly
it does save time in the shower,
so I don't know, maybe we should
all do it, huh
hey, it's good to be here,
though it is also very weird to
be here hosting "Saturday night
live" from home.
It is a strange time to try to
be funny, but trying to be funny
is "snl's" whole thing, so we
thought, what the heck
let's give it a shot
but, why me as host?
Well, for one, I have been the
celebrity canary in the coal
mine for the coronavirus
and ever since being diagnosed I
have been more like america's
dad than ever before
since no one wants to be around
me very long, and I make people
uncomfortable.
Now, I was diagnosed back in
March with the coronavirus
I was first diagnosed down in
australia.
Now, the folks in australia are
fantastic in every way, but they
use celsius instead of
fahrenheit when they tick your
temperature.
So, when they came in and say,
"you're 36," which seems very
bad to me.
It turns out 36 is fine.
38 is bad.
So basically, it's how hollywood
treats female actors
but, now my wife and I are --
we're doing fine
we're doing great.
We're hunkered down like all of
us should be
and in fact, this suit, this is
the first time I've worn
anything other than sweat pants
since March 11th
my wife had to help me put it
on, because I forgot how buttons
work, but it turns out there's
these little disks and they
slide into these slots
amazing.
Now, this "Saturday night live"
is going to be different
for one thing, it is has been
filmed by the "snl" cast who are
currently quarantined in their
homes just like this
well, I mean, not like this
home
their homes are a little more
like -- you know, I'm going to
let you be the judge of that
also, there's no such thing as
saturdays any more
it's just, everyday is today
and we're not really live, but
we are doing everything we can
to make this feel like the "snl"
you know and love.
I am even using cue cards, see
I am even using cue cards.
Just riff, baby.
That's what I'm doing.
So, tonight I can do everything
a host does during a normal
"snl."
I can even do that old chestnut,
the question and answer
monologue.
Let's see, does anyone have any
questions?
Yes.
You, sir
how about you?
>> I have a question for
mr. Hanks.
I can't help but notice that you
are in excellent shape
what is the secret of your
physical regiment?
>> I, you know, come on, I just
try to stretch a couple times a
week and go easy on the carbs
and the cookies.
Thank you though
anybody else
yes.
You, sir
>> hello, hello.
I got a question for tommy,
tim-tam.
What's a right proper way to get
a daily dose of your vegemite?
>> all right, enough of that
well, we have a great show for
you tonight.
Now, is it going to look a
little different than what
you're used to
yes.
Will it be weird to see sketches
without big sets and costumes?
Sure, but will it make you
laugh?
Ehh, you know, it's "snl."
you know, there will be some
good stuff, maybe one or two
stinkers
you know the drill
but, let's go.
Hey, stay safe
we are in this for the duration
and we will get through this
together
we are going to thank our
hospital workers, our first
responders and all the helpers,
the supermarket stockers, the
people who deliver our food, the
people who are making takeout
for us, the men and women who
are keeping this country going
at a time when we need them more
than ever before
so, we're going to take care of
them and we're going to take
care of each other
so, let's try to now just enjoy
the show
we will be right back.
♪
