what is just a placebo effect but most
people don't realize pacifiers my two
month old thinks he has my boob in his
mouth but I'm actually sitting 10 feet
away checking a nail what a fucking dumb
bus when I was about six or seven years
old I woke up in the middle of the night
to a giant daddy longlegs on the wall
right above my head I ran out of the
room absolutely terrified and told my
mom I would never sleep in there again
because the spiders were going to crawl
all over me as soon as I fell asleep I
guess after two nights of sleeping on
couch cushions beside my parents bed
they had had enough and decided to
figure something out they went out and
bought special spider spray that would
keep all of the spiders away there was a
tiny little hole in the drywall at the
top corner of the ceiling and I told
them that's where they were getting it
and they had to spray there so my mom
sprayed the spider spray in the hole and
plugged it with tissue paper and then
sprayed all over my room I remember it
smelled really sweet and my mom said it
was because spiders hate sweets then
after was satisfied with the level of
spider prevention my mom put the can
under the sink in my bathroom and it was
long for jatin about fast-forward 12
years later I've moved out and my
parents are redoing that bathroom they
asked me to come over and grab any stuff
I still wanted I'm rummaging through and
I pull out an air freshener can with
little holographic Halloween spider
stickers all over it my mom starts
laughing and tells me that that was my
special spider spray I was completely
flawed ha ha ha I had actually never
caught on I thought it was genuinely
spider spray when my mom had used it and
now I was looking at a Glade can with
Halloween stickers all over it wasn't
even convincing at all but it totally
did the job ha ha ha just made me
realize how gullible kids can be worked
at a camp the infirmary would give
campers home sick medicine pretty much
Gatorade and sugar that stuff worked
wonders some parent blew up and thought
we were lying and brainwashing kids so
they got rid of it I can see exactly how
this goes down
parents I can't believe you would give
my child medicine without my
kamme it's sugar water parents feeling
stupid but refusing to swallow their
outrage how dare you deceive my child
same parents kids these days are
helpless and entitled my kids pre-k has
magic tissues for when the kids cry
these tissues are so magic that they are
able to disguise themselves as common
Kleenex the only way to tell the
difference in fact is the magic sticker
that has written on it
magic tissues some kids determined to be
big kids request the regular tissues
truly brave radio waves normal frequency
causing illnesses there was a radio
tower put somewhere near people's houses
when they started complaining about
headaches fevers and other symptoms the
reaction from the company running the
tower just wait until we turn the thing
on edit - yes
it's a naseeb oh I know by now her life
and similar products the people I know
who talk about how great it is don't
understand the real reason they are
losing weight and feeling better is
because they completely changed their
diets and eating habits if you replace
an unhealthy meal with a shake what
you're really doing is cutting out
calories this is what's making you lose
weight not any magic stuff in those
shakes my mom likes to talk about a
weight loss cream she saw in the
seventies where you would put it on the
area you want to lose fat from belly
thighs
wherever then to activate the cream you
go for a 5-mile run
no mayo it's hilarious that some people
would go for a run to activate a cream
but say no to going on a run if directly
told that running is a good choice I'm
not a big audio geek but I have been
sitting in and assisting with running
sound at my local church I'm learning a
lot one of the guys who knows a ton
about sound boards was telling me that
the band members are notorious for
complaining about imaginary things when
this happens he grabs an unactivated
knob on the sound board and stares at
the guy in the eyes as he moves the knob
95% of the time when he asks if it is
better they will say yes and won't
complain about it again I used to play a
game
devolve and my daughter asked about it
and I told her I'm a monster hunter
she said why are there still monsters in
my room there I got this super serious
look told her to stay right there and
don't move and ran upstairs like life
depended on it spent about 10 minutes
lifting weights and doing a couple of
push-ups came back down and said as
serious as I could there's no monsters
in your room now and she hugged me
really big and didn't worry about it for
a long time after that good dad juice
cleanses first of all you aren't
cleansing anything additionally of
course you are going to feel better
after not eating for a weekend drinking
sugar water doesn't do your body any
favors either but it's been three days
since your body has gotten much-needed
calories eating anything is going to
make you feel amazing after that
nonsense any sort of cleanse you do not
need to detoxify your body your kidneys
and liver do a great job of that if you
really had so many toxins in your body
you would be deathly ill and in need of
hospitalization you do not have 2 to 10
pounds of toxic sludge chilling in your
intestines making you sick you probably
do have a few pounds of food at various
stages of digestion but this is normal
and healthy digestion is a process that
takes time so if you're under gestured
food moves right along and didn't spend
any time sitting in your digestive tract
your body wouldn't have the chance to
extract the energy and nutrients locked
in that food constantly shitting your
brains out like a cleanse makes you do
is not healthy if you're having regular
bowel movements your digestive system is
working fine if you really do have
pounds and pounds of toxic sludge stuck
in your intestines then you should see a
doctor as soon as possible because you
likely have a bowel obstruction man I
once had pounds of toxic sludge in me
didn't poop for a week finally got
frustrated and bought a bottle of
magnesium sifrit chugged the whole thing
down and started the waiting game it
gave me some serious bubble gut it
really made my insights go from stagnant
to a gentle simmer to a full-on boil and
maybe half an hour
and it just didn't stop for hours I knew
relief was only a matter of time away
but you see I'm not very smart the
bottle said allow six to twelve hours I
took at 7:00 a.m. on a Sunday figured I
could in consequentially spend my day on
the toilet 1:00 p.m. rolled around and
though I could feel something cooking I
didn't feel anything priming 7:00 p.m.
rolled around still lots of bubbling but
no progress midnight rolled around and I
finally just said fuck it I'll probably
end up shitting my entire bed in my
sleep but I have to work in the morning
alarm goes off at 6:00 a.m. I felt and
more horrifyingly
looked pregnant still no poop that's
when I knew something was wrong
but I had a busy day of work ahead of me
and I figured I'll get it checked at
lunch made it to lunch work at 7:00
opened up my laptop closed T my laptop
it arrived and it was not willing to
wait i duck waddled to the bathroom saw
someone was in one of the stalls
apologized to him and let loose the
first of what would be many installments
of pneumatically propelled toxic sludge
got cleaned up walked past my boss's
desk informed him I'd be working from
home and left without grabbing my laptop
if you've never pooped several pounds of
toxic sludge out in a day I'd recommend
avoiding such a situation it was not fun
balance bracelets the power of magnets
or bullshit we can't be sure the theory
behind them is that the magnets do
something to the iron in your blood and
gives you benefits while extremely
powerful magnets can affect your blood
the ones in the scam bracelets our
magnitudes too weak to ever have any
effect at all they are just stylish
stupid jewelry for old people all hail
our new god magnet from Al heedless
allhealusbalmus all heal us balm us  s I have spent
much of my time working with kids on
overnight camps I have occupied many
roles but because I keep my credentials
up to date I'm always one of the
grown-ups who is on first aid duty while
the first rule of first aid is take it
seriously when a kid is limping because
their group is due to hike up a mountain
tomorrow
all healus balm us  works a charm other
situations it works in kit is crying
because they got hit by a bull during
games or are homesick so have a sore
tummy
it is a clear scream with a small amount
of eucalyptus essential oil which has a
warming effect and makes it smell
medicinal and it works beautifully
because of the take everything seriously
rule you do rule out if there is a
dangerous injury before you pull out the
AL healers but since we are so super
serious throughout the kids truly
believe they are getting proper meds
typically you have the kid in the office
having ruled out the possibility of
hospital doctor or camp nurse and it's
definitely in our healers job you very
seriously tell the kid you have a strong
cream that will help make them feel
better you pull out the AL heal us which
you need to keep in an official-looking
tub to keep up the appearance put on
latex gloves and then rub it into the
sole place of course rubbing anything
that is saw makes it feel a bit better
but at this point the kid probably needs
attention and a bit of feeling special
and like they are being taken seriously
then once you've rubbed it all in you
look at your watch and say now you
should start feeling the effect in
exactly two minutes you explain that the
powerful cream needs to be activated by
the air the eucalyptus oils thermal
properties are helped by airflow so you
need to move around to get new air
around it 90% of the time the kid is
back up and running around with friends
in no time at all the other 10% probably
need a hug
you have had an appointment with the
placebo MA like and subscribe to be
unclassy bode
