hi guys and welcome to another episode
of self-care Sunday now first off before
I dive into anything in today's video I
want to just give you all a very very
very very very heartfelt thank you for
the conversation that last week's
episode stirred up discussing my
friendships with you opening up in this
way where I was actually talking about
examples from my personal life and not
just giving you general tipnis you
know what I mean by just giving you guys
actual things actual information on what
has happened for something I was nervous
about but your comments your DM's your
emails you guys have been so kind to me
with everything that I was like okay I
can actually see myself doing this on a
regular basis now I feel like in a
certain way having your support not just
on the series but for my channel in
general makes me feel like I'm headed in
the right direction and I officially just I don't
care anymore about or rather I'm on the
journey to completely not care about
things like numbers I just know that the
people who are watching I if I can make
a difference if I can make you feel like
you're not alone you really really
really really are not alone then I will
consider of my job being done I read
your comments I heard the things you
had to say I spoke to so many of you on
Instagram DM I also shared a few of the
screenshots without the names being
revealed I always scratch the names out
on my stories so just thank you so much
for all of the love on this on that
episode from last week and I'm here and
I'm ready to talk about something new
today
so as I always say let's just dive into it
 
so first things first I am gonna list on
all of the makeup product details down
below in the info box in case you do
like how the final look turns out I
would really like for you guys to check
the info box always make sure that if
I'm saying I will add a certain thing in
the info box I really do and would just
say it and forget about it um you know I read
your comments from last week and one of
the things as a pattern from what I saw
was that so many of you'll actually wanted
me to talk about heart breaks and I was
having this conversation with a few
friends who have discussed this series
with and also with Gerry and one of the
things I realized was that maybe so many
people want me to talk about heart
breaks because you've had so many
heartbreaks of your own and I feel very
strongly about the fact that when you're
a teenager you think that a heart break
only involves a certain boy or a
certain girl certain partner in some form
but as a grown I've kind of realized I
turned 29 last week so when I say as I've
grown I feel like I'm probably you know
what you guys should all go into the
comments and tell me how old you are like
stop right here and just put your age
down in the comments I would love to
know what age group precisely is
watching my videos in this sense one of
the things that I realized that 29 is
that heartbreaks can be of so many
different kinds I gave you guys an
example of friendships in the previous
video and I didn't dive deep deep into
it but I think I gave 
you a sense of how sometimes where
people who just tend to do so much for
others and those feelings or those
actions are not necessarily always
reciprocated and I think that that
applies to your friendships that applies
to your relationships that apply applies
in a romantic context that could also
apply with family where you do so much
for a sibling or a parent or an aunt or
an uncle and they just turn out to like
you know not really appreciate you let
alone reciprocate you so I feel that
heartbreak is an emotion that so many
people resonate with in so many
different ways I am someone who
definitely resonates with heartbreaks in
various contexts but I think the main
thing that I want to take away from that
I will definitely be doing a video by
the way about my heart breaks like
literally on people I've met or liked or
had feelings for before I met Gerry
that video is gonna come up but one
of the things that I took away instantly
was the fact that people struggle with
heartbreaks and for me in my learnings
in my limited experience were
experienced nevertheless I think I
realized the toughest thing to do is
move on from that and when I say move on
I don't mean dump that friend and move
on or dump that relationship in any form
and move on I mean move on from that one
thing that happened so I'll give you an
example over here when I was really close to
a certain friend of mine again whom I've
talked about in the previous video the
first couple of times things happen
between us she said I'm sorry and she
said I'm sorry and you move on from that
instance and move over thinking okay
it's done she he they will not repeat it
again hopefully right sometimes they do
repeat it and that happens and that pulls
you back into this this cathartic pain
off but we already and this conversation
why is this happening again why are you
doing it again
are you doing it to hurt me or are you
doing it intentionally like are you
doing it knowing that it will hurt me or
do you just not even take into
consideration that it will hurt me you know
what I mean so I feel like what I really
wanna address here is so many of us have
the ability to be like okay it's okay
move on but I actually am one of these
people that takes time to move on and I
feel just going by the kind of response
I got from you guys in the last video
that maybe we have more people here who
might need help moving on or who might take
time moving on or who might just need
that little extra nudge so I'm gonna
give you guys another example here when
someone messes up in a way that it
directly hurts you you know and you
can sit down and say that listen this is
what hurt me
and this is what upset me and please don't
do this again or this is what it
triggered in me and that's why it's
upsetting me open your channels of
communication and I want to say
something here and this is something I've
personally experienced so many times
when someone has said oh but you know
you're overreacting or oh you're too
emotional you're too sensitive I've
heard a lot of that in my life from
people who I've considered close
obviously in the past but I've realized I
am never too emotional for someone who
truly cares about my emotions you know
what I mean like if someone really cares
about your emotions you won't be too
emotional for them your emotional
quotient will actually be a factor that
they will love you more for because that
makes you more sensitive that makes you
more caring no you know what I mean am I
am I putting it across correctly so I
it's I find it relatively easier to be
in a space where if someone hurts you
you can say okay you know what you've
hurt me and so and so and sometimes you
can see it in your head but you can say
it out loud and that's a huge challenge
for even someone like me was pretty
vocal in general but there are certain
situations where I just let what's in my
head just stay in my head sometimes it's
because oh my god this is too much effort sometimes it's because is
this effort worth it sometimes it's also
because the person has hurt you so many
times in the past that you are like you
know what maybe like we're not meant
to be on that same level at that same
frequency
frequency is something I'm gonna circle
back to in a couple of minutes maybe I
definitely want to talk about that a
little bit more in detail also for me
one of the toughest things about really
maintaining relationships friendships
people like when I see relationships I
don't just mean romantic huh I mean even
your friendship is a relationship so
for me one of the toughest things about
maintaining relationship is this weird
mental block that I have and maybe I'm
trying to dive in a little too deep into
my philosophy here but bear with me for
one minute there's this quote and I
can't remember who its by it says the
true essence of a man's obviously /
woman is how he treats someone who can
do him absolutely no good you know what
I mean so you don't just talk to people
nicely who have been nice to you who
have more Instagram followers than you
or who are nice to you just because they
are nice to you you should be nice to
them I mean you need to be able to be
nice to everyone so one of the struggles
I've had in my life has
really really this is like I feel
like this is the center point of my half
my own heart and half my own pain in
life where people are being really nice
to me but I can see them not being
that way to others and I don't want to
say that that makes me judge them it's
not judged but it's also judged like you
know what I mean like if you are really nice
to me but then you're like really like
you bitch about other people to me or
your shady about other people to me you
don't that don't don't make it mucky
you know what I mean I will tend to judge you a little bit over there
I would like to say oh I'm someone who
doesn't judge but if you are going to be
mean to someone else around me or I can
see you be insensitive or just not nice
to someone else the way you are to me
that's I feel like that's the epicenter
of half my pain because the thing is I
don't know how to communicate that hurt
to someone and then I don't know how to
move on from that hurt to someone you
know what I mean so if you're someone
who has struggled with someone not being
nice to you you will notice that there
are times in your life where this little
light bulb will go off in your hand and
you're like this is what you should have
said some people realize that much later
like the argument is gotten over two
days ago and then you realize muje yeh
bolna chahiye tha uss argument me but
the thing is that you need to be able to
say what you want to say at that time
and for you to be fully there you need
to listen to what the opposite person
has to say so many times I feel like
human beings we tend to hurt someone
because we've been hurt in that
particular way
so I had this friend who how do I say
this so I had this friend who basically
didn't realize she was being really like
not mean or harsh but like just cold you
know sometimes you meet certain people
and they're warm and they're nice and
they're nice and nice to talk to but I
had this friend who is not really the
warmest person in the room
and it was because she always had people who were slightly mean to her growing up or
bullied her while growing up while growing up
and I realized that it was because she
was always treated in a certain way but 
that's the only way she knows how to
reciprocate and now that reciprocate
has gotten to becoming part of a natural
behavior so I like to get into
understanding why a person is behaving
the way they're behaving I'd like to see
that if you're hurt why are you hurt what
hurt you is that pain causing you to
hurt others sometimes my friends tell me
this all the time my friends like you
give people too much benefit of doubt
one of my friends calls me mother Teresa  junior she's like you know
what you go understanding things for
everyone and you get taken advantage of
but the fact of the matter is is that I
would rather get taken advantage of and
be empathetic then just rule everyone
out to just be like baithe baithe sab
mean hai that's not going to help anyone
you know what I'm saying like that's not gonna
help anyone we all have pain we're trying to
move away from we're trying to move on from for
some it's bigger pain it's greater pain
and for some it may be smaller
things they may be a little bit more
trivial but I like the way Tati
Westbrook had said one of the things she
said in a video last year she said just
because you are in a full-body cast
doesn't mean my broken arm doesn't hurt
so we all have different levels of pain
or hurt or things we're trying to get
over cuz we're human beings we have been
hurt over a period of time or we have
hurt others over a period of time
maybe that guilt
carries us we're all a bad person in
someone's story you know that I want to
say for sure I
digressing side note I had this instant I had
this follower on YouTube and on
Instagram who's been following me for a really
long time she's been following me for
maybe six seven eight years just last
night it was the last thing I read
before going to bed it was I think it
was my it was my birthday vlog video she
left a comment on and it said I've clicked on
not interested and I don't know why
your videos keep popping up on my feed
can you please block me you'll be
doing me a huge favor
I don't want to see her videos anymore
something to that effect and I didn't
reply but maybe it's because I feel a real
connection with my followers
because I do feel a genuine real
connection with you guys like I know
so many of your names I respond to your
comments its me who is responding to your DM's or
taking screenshots of your story of your
DM's and putting them on stories like
I'm interacting with you and maybe it was
because it was the last thing and I was
sleepy and that made me emotional and I
just for a minute
like I felt my eyes go moist I was like
that's so mean like if you don't want to
see my videos just block me asking me to
block you it's like I'm giving you
ammunition then you would turn around
and say usne toh muje block kar dia tha
I don't want to do that I won't do
and I refuse to do that if you don't
want to see my videos just don't open my
videos and I thought about it for a
second I was like you know what
someone must have really hurt her it's
just that like these small small things
that we as human beings just need to
learn to move on from you know in some
way or the other and for some people
it's easier for some people it's not but
that doesn't mean that the pain and the
hurt can be compared at levels just
because someone has a full body cast and
someone else as a broken hand pain
doesn't mean you
can compare the two I really like that Tati said that
it seemed very honest to me and I'm sort of
reminded of it by this ongoing lockdown
stuff also where people are like you
know say thank you say thank you I'm the
I'm one of the people who's like
acknowledge your privilege acknowledge
your privilege you're not stuck at home
you're safe at home but at the same time
I also know certain people are really
going through emotional breakdown since
you know kind of getting cabin fever
being cooped up in their homes for two
or three months I am someone who is
hired my own lows during this lockdown I
feel like that deserves its own self-care
sunday episode let me know if you
guys want that the real struggles on
what has happened during the lockdown
for me and how I've tried to cope with
it you know one of the main things about
moving on is how do you actually start
to move on for me I think that once I
begin the process for myself
it becomes automated after some time it I
sort of go into emotion after some time
kicking off how do I get over this
situation this moment this incident this
person I feel like it can be a little
bit of a tough process in my life I've
actually had to get over I've actually
had to get over a lot of friendships
which might sound strange to some but
like I talked about the demoted
friendship in my last week's episode I
feel like to me those things have really
taken their toll
for me I'm someone who's always
considered friendships and then people
you build you see surround yourself with
the people you build your little bubble
your world around are very very very
very important to me so I'm someone who
has I will go I'm just
I think my problem is that by nature I'm
someone who will go the extra mile you
know what I mean
I will go out of my way to make sure
you're okay I will make sure you've
reached home if it's late in the night and
you are driving by yourself or you've taken
an uber I will probably come and Drive
you home like that's I think that is my
biggest problem I shouldn't call it a
problem because it's a good thing but I
think that the doing acts that are so
nice also somewhere subconsciously you
tend to expect others to do the same for
you
so I'm unfortunately because of that
expectation felt let down by so many
people some have actually let me down
and in some cases I think it's my level
of sensitivity that I need to work on I
think it's a it's a fair share of both
so I feel like when I'm trying to get
over a certain person situation whatever
it may be
number one is I I go back to journaling
like and someone who's journaled on and off
a lot in my life
and what I will journal will be vent
I love venting out my thoughts if you're
someone who can't write down your
thoughts it's okay umm record voice
messages for your self record a little
selfie video keep these videos private
of course for yourself I feel like when
you hear what you have to say or when
you read what you have what you have to say you
start reasoning with the situation a lot
better so for example a certain
situation obviously if you're hurt it
makes you really like emotional na
anything makes you emotional in that
context so for you to look at something
objectively and
undertsand what the person did to upset
you to hurt you and what you can do to
make sense of it in the sense ke unhone
jo kia kyu kia kind of a situation
to just understand you have to be
objective you know so for me the number
one thing that I do is I start I start
writing I start listening to my own
thoughts and I start trying to
understand that okay if this has
happened how can I move from here and
positively what can I take away from
this incident I have to tell you
obviously this is much easier said than
done
this takes time too this takes time to
practice this takes time to master this
takes time to even fully understand
in all honesty because it sounds so
simple na write down read hear your
thoughts understand why that was it was
coming from finding objective middle
ground it sounds really simple like a
little little lalabai but it's something
that took me a lot of time to just
completely understand that this is
actually a great process to move on in a
way one of the other things that I also
try to do when I'm really trying to move
on from something and you will really
need to find balance for this particular
thing is I will try to focus on myself
one of the things that I think by nature
a lot of us tend to do is we talk about
doing this for ourselves and doing that
for ourselves you know I will eat better
and I will work out better and I will do
this for myself and I will
sleep early and I'll start yoga or working out or
whatever I think that one of my ways of
moving on is to try and focus on making
myself a better version of myself today
than I was yesterday I don't think that
there are any any any perfcet people
out there so you know what I get like
Instagram DM's from followers saying
things like oh my god is there anything
you can't do like when I share my cooking
and stuff they're like you're so perfect
and everything and you're this and your
and I'm like no that's not true
nobody is perfect I mean am i trying to
be a better version of myself yes I am
and I think that for me that really
really that we need to take personal
examples here um I was 17 I know that I've
talked about this when I liked this boy
who said I wasn't good looking enough
for him and the way it hit my
self-esteem at that time I cannot even
begin to tell you like I have spent a
lot of time trying to rebuild myself
from there in a really weird and twisted
way I also go ahead and give him credit
because I tried so hard after that to
make sure that I look good enough I am doing a lot of this today that I look good enough that
I think somewhere it also boosted my
usual dressing usual makeup and landed me
in the career that I am so maybe it
was it was meant to happen so when I try
to move on from that in my life it
was one of the toughest toughest phases
because to me I just didn't feel good
enough for anything I didn't feel enough forget
about being good enough to actually to have
a partner or boyfriend at that point of
time at 17 I just felt like I wasn't
good enough for anything because I had
been hit by this huge like this
self-esteem blow had really knocked me
over I had none of it left and I felt
like my let's say if I had a jar of self
esteem which was maybe halfway up at 17
you go through your ups and downs as
a teenager I was suddenly left it was
empty I had nothing left and I remember
I told my mom about this and she was
like are you serious did this happen and
she played such a huge role in making
sure that I got my self-esteem back
she's always been so encouraging and
circling back to what I was saying I
sort of learned to focus on myself a
little bit more I learned that if I want
to be it's a really superficial phrase
that I'm about to say please don't judge
me but this is true in our world if you
want to be treated a certain way and you
want to go somewhere right you have to
behave the part before you actually get
there it's like if you want to be CEO
you start need to dressing like a CEO
and you look like a CEO and have the
confidence of a CEO before you actually
become a CEO and there's a huge
like you know like I sometimes I
struggle with being on either side of
this of this thought because I'm like you
can't think like a CEO before you're a CEO that's so hard on yourself
but at the same time it's the way people
perceive you it's what people make of
you and I don't think that this is just a
Mumbai India entertainment blogging
glamorous industry thing I feel like you
need to be able to exude a certain
level of confidence and a certain level
of huge respect or command respect in a
certainty no matter who you are and
where you are I'll give you a simple
example
I got a 79 percent in my twelve standard
board exam I did my junior college in
commerce and I really really really
wanted to do BMM keep in mind that I am
a you know I don't belong to any of the
quota communities I wanted to go to
Jai Hind college here in Mumbai and my
second option was national college which
is very close to by like my mom's house and
my third option was MMK and I was
like you know what I'm already in a
already a MMK student I'm hoping I would get in MMK
anyway but Jai Hind and Nationals seemed
to be like really where I want to go and
I didn't get into either and literally I
just didn't get into either
I had no quota both those colleges
takes Sindi quota a few of the colleges
that I've had just applied and kept to
like Mithibai and all I just applied and
kept it have Gujarati quota and I had no quota
no nothing and I had a seventy nine
point eight six percent if I remember correctly
so I was like I'll get in I'll get in I'll get in and I just didn't get in to
Nationals or Jai Hindn and I was like what
is gonna happen and in MMK I got in on
the third list which was which really
pinched my ego obviously because I was
seeing like my own really close friend who
got a 62
got in on the first list at Jai Hind
because she had a quota and obviously I
felt very jealous and I'm very vocal
about like I'm very vocal when
I am happy for people also and I'm very vocal when I'm jealous with them
so I called her up and said listen I'm very happy to you but you
know what go to hell because I got like
79 and she got 61 or 62 or something
like that I can't remember and this is
like 2012 eight years ago and I was like
and I'm still standing stuck and then
finally I got in to MMK on like the
third list and I was like oh my god like
what is going to happen so when I
actually started MMK again this was
something that really like it really
messed with my head
because I was so scared I wasn't going
to get into anything
I had only applied for BMM everywhere
I had not applied for anything else
anywhere so imagine getting like a 79
percent and then thinking I'm not going
to get in anywhere at all like what is
happening I was really really really
scared out of my mind and then when I
did get into MMK and I got into BMM
I came back home from giving them like
my documents and getting my admission
and my seat secured my seat and all of
that and I remember I came back home and
my mom was like you're happy you got in
it was your third priority and I said to
my mom this is back in 2012 I said you
know what I can't believe that it took
three lists for me to get my name with
the 79% because like whatever I was
really frustrated about the situation I
said I promise I will do better and I
will make it a point to be a rank holder
in my bmm degree I'd never chased ranks
ever before in school I was never a rank
holder I did
studies because I always enjoyed
studying but I never was like ab may rank
holder banke dikhayungi and when I
was in college I literally out of six
semesters through three years I was
eithersecond or third in every single
semester there was one semester where I
came forth and that was because that was
the same semester where my exams
literally started two days after Bombay times fresh face and I was the winner of
Bombay times fresh face and I had spent
two month's prepping on that pageant so I
had come forth that semester but my other
five semesters I've literally come
second or third I would slog my ass off and
I would make sure that I moved on from
that argh situation to like I will not
let this happen to me again I feel like
moving on can mean so many different
things to so many different people so
some people its just about acknowledging
what happened and making them feel
appreciated or apologized to and you
know that that sometimes that's all you
want to hear sometimes that is literally
all you wanna hear you just wanna hear and
I'm sorry or you just want to hear a or I
won't do it again sometimes you just
really want to see differed actions you
want to make sure you see someone who is
really making an effort to be in your
life this has gone into becoming quite
an elaborate look considering it's a
self-care sunday video I usually keep these
looks simple or at least that's what my
plan has been but I've also had in mind for
a little while that I've been
wanting to do a rainbow inspired makeup
look especially since its June
I've been wanting to do that so I am glad that I
got to do it while I was talking about
something like moving on I think we all
need to grow and evolve and learn a
thing or two actually from the LGBTQIA
community who have been through so much
and are still moving on very strongly
strength to strength with more of us
joining there with more of us joining there and
becoming they're allies if anything I
think it's very important for us to be
there for one another every time I talk
about something that's close to my heart
I know that I'm going like 5,000
different directions but I'm glad that
you guys are sticking with me through
this journey I feel like I want to know
more from you what would you want me to
talk about I know I have heartbreaks
from you guys and I want to talk about a
few of my stories on that as well maybe
next week let me know in the comments
okay some of the other things that have
crossed my mind that I feel I want to
talk about is growing your business in a
very cluttered space like just basically
evolving as a human being but in the
public eye like I feel like I've been in the public
eye for the last eight years and of
course with every year thankfully alhamdulillah my audience has only grown but
the pressures of it
being able to live with this constant
pressure of being present on social
media but also living in the moment I feel
like these things are very underrated
and when I talk about this kind of stuff
to my friends and most of my friends
actually don't belong to the digital
community like I have a few close
friends who have now I feel become
friendly with in this industry but a
alot of my friends most of my friends are
actually people who don't belong to the
blogging industry so this is what the
final look turned out like I'm really happy
with how it worked out I was talking so
much while doing this video but I'm glad
that it worked out at least close to
sort of similar to what I had in mind
ok and I think I've shared a lot of my
thoughts in today's video I really hope
that you guys enjoyed watching this
please please please let me know what
sort of topics you'd like for me to
cover next up apart from heart breaks
I want to know what other things that
you see in your regular lives that you
don't hear enough about and if you don't
hear enough about it on the internet I
definitely want to do my part in making
you realize that if there is an
imperfect part of your life you're not
alone
you have company it can be anybody and
everybody that might be able to resonate
with a certain thought that you have so
if you have a certain thought you can go
ahead and leave it down below in the
comments if you feel like you're more
comfortable discussing it with me then
you can go ahead and DM
to me or you would go ahead and email it to me
and I'm sure we can have a conversation
about it thank you so so much for tuning
in I will see you guys in my next video
bye guys
