'Girls get your weapons and follow me.'
'Yes, come on let's go.'
Welcome back to my Dark Corner of this Sick World.
‘A poor specimen.'
We are firmly in the 80s with Warriors of the Apocalypse.
Set in a post-apocalyptic future in which the earth is scorched desert.
'The time 150 years into the future. The place... EARTH!'
Men must fight to survive,
and trousers have become needlessly complex.
Also women seem to have vanished and no one mentions it.
‘Too bad’
It’s hard to convey the tone, but it’s the sort of film in which there is no limit to the number of times a man can lift his shades for effect.
What little story there is, is vague but broadly, this group of faintly drawn stereotypes,
'It's time to get out of here.'
Learns that there is a better place than this desert.
‘From the mountain of life.’
‘The mountain of life?’
'Yes.'
'The mountain of life!'
And moments later...
are hiking through a jungle they had previously failed to spot.
Isn’t it funny how, in the event of an apocalypse, these people have guns and clothes,
while these people have spears and war paint.
Actually, funny may not be the word.
Next up…
the pygmies.
The ‘heroes’ may be the only ones with guns but everyone kicks their ass.
Although the pygmies do have a slight advantage.
Immortality.
‘Nonsense’
The pygmies lead the group to their village.
Which they share with – I assume – every woman in the world.
Who are pleased to see the men as they only have two, High Priest Gorook,
and the guy who led the group here, Anook.
‘That would make him almost 100 years old’
Actually there are other men but for reasons, they don’t count,
so it’s easiest to see this as yet another film in which men discover acommunity of women without men.
‘Ah, not again’
‘You’d better believe it’
So of course we have the female leader,
named Sheila, which seems to acknowledge the debt owed to H. Ryder Haggard’s novel She.
‘Is it true you are over 100 years old?’
And she of course falls for the wooden hero, Trapper.
Things come to a head on the night of the fertility ritual,
the men get the girls.
Sheila gets Trapper.
‘Come to me, this night is for us’
and Gorook gets frustrated as he overhears them having fairly uncomfortable sex on a large cargo net.
'Love me, love me, oh my love, tell me you love me. Don't think about what has gone on before,  Gorook is nothing’
He heads into a cave, followed by Doc, the group’s oldest member.
Okay I have a lot of questions, and this is presumably when they get answered.
‘You have managed to convert an ancient reactor into a positive force’
So eternal life, healing bullet wounds; all ‘science’
‘The voodoo gods have been good’
and some voodoo.
‘One design to turn a scorched mountain into a fool’s paradise’
I have follow-up questions.
‘It will do you know good to ask questions’
That is accurate.
‘And that’s all you need to know’
If you can watch this film without asking why and how every few minutes then you have no intellectual curiosity whatsoever.
‘Hell, who cares?’
If what was happening was entertaining I probably wouldn’t notice that none of it makes sense
but for a film based soley around fights and orgies, it’s surprisingly dreary.
‘I thought you said we were going to have a lot of fun and games when we got here’
Then gets weird.
As Sheila’s throne turns out to be dual purpose...
As do the Aztec statues.
Finally, Sheila, Goruk and Anuk bite the big one,
and with them dead...
‘I’m staying here to help rebuild’
Now the woman I loved is dead, I’m ready to repopulate the species with 6 or 7 of the rest of you.
‘I see a future here’
I bet you do.
That’s the image on which the film ends. Is it possible it was all about his shades and I missed it somehow?
'Let's get out of here.'
Thanks for watching. See all of our post-apocalyptic film reviews here.
Is the Voodoo nuclear power station the oddest mash-up of science and the supernatural?
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