(crowd cheering)
Have a seat.
What a week it's been here at Wendy.
I gotta tell you, thank you so much for pulling me through.
I heard from some people that I don't even know.
Steven Tyler, I got your well-wishes, thank you so much.
(crowd clapping)
Cher.
Robert Downey Jr.
Jerry O'Connell.
You don't understand, thank you for holding me up.
Thank you D.L. Hughley's mother says that
her days aren't the same without me being on TV.
She watches everyday, so thank you Mrs. Hughley. Thank you.
(crowd cheering)
Thank you to Kelly and Ryan and all the TV shows.
I know you have to talk about me 'cause that's what you do
but thank you for your well-wishes behind the scenes,
I got them, thank you to Ryan and Kelly and Hoda and Michael
and Gail, does Oprah know?
And Tamron Hall, yeah some really groovy people understand
exactly what the deal is, so, and you know what?
Thank you to the paparazzi because, while most celebrities
hate you, I understand that that's your hustle,
that's the job you chose and you have families to feed
so you gotta do what you gotta do.
Thank you for not knocking me over with your lenses.
(crowd cheering)
Joke from yesterday.
Anyway, so Khloe Kardashian here we go again.
(crowd groans)
So, people are not liking Khloe online again.
We talked about her yesterday about you
not liking her online because of the jeans and now
according to this Hollywood actress,
you shouldn't like her either.
There's this Hollywood actress.
I don't know whether you know her or not, but,
she's hating on Khloe for promoting a weight-loss tea.
A tea that you drink to promote weight-loss and there's
the tea and there's Khloe, looking absolutely stunning.
It's a tummy-flattening tea and the caption is,
loving how flat my tummy looks right now.
Well, the actresses name is Jameela Jamil,
she's the one who did the interview with Sam Smith
when Sam Smith talked about his parents paid for him
to have liposuction when he was twelve and then
Sam Smith talked about how when he was a little boy,
he didn't know whether he was a boy or a girl,
he was sexual confused.
I mean he's since come-out to be gay but Sam
was just all over the place when he was young and
this is the girl, the journalist, who pulled the
information out of him.
Well, now she's all over, her,
Khloe, and here's
some of what she says because the rant was really long,
I don't have time for all that.
If you're too irresponsible to own up to the fact that
you have a personal trainer, a nutrionist, probably a
chef and a surgeon
(crowd gasps)
to achieve your asthetics, then I guess I have to.
It's incredibly awful that this industry bullied you
until you became fixated on your appearance.
Please don't put that back into the world and hurt
other girls the way you have been hurt.
(crowd claps)
I get what Jameela is saying, I understand
what she's saying, you know, there's a lot of bullying,
people go on looks more so now than ever in life and
people, even adults, look to celebrities for the look
that they want to achieve.
You might not want to admit it, but, I see what you're doing
when you open those magazines, you're not even reading
the articles, you want to look to see what they're wearing
and how you can make it your own and how their bodies look.
Well, here's my thought.
First of all, this is where buyer beware
should come into effect.
If you're grown enough to have a credit card to
run in to buy tummy-flattener, then you're grown enough
to understand that there's nothing natural about Khloe.
Okay?
(crowd clapping)
(crowd gasps)
Good research, The Bureau.
(crowd clapping)
(crowd gasps)
So if you think that you're gonna drink a tea and have a,
listen, hey look look, and all of the Kardashians
drink this tea, it just so happens that Khloe is the one
that has this up and that's being effective but
they all drink the tea so it's implied that all of them
have those bodies from the tea but we all know,
one thing you have to say about Kardashians is that
they are who they are and they don't front on that.
They are all about the body by any means necessary.
You know that.
(crowd clapping)
Clap if you think you can be a Kardashian
by drinking the tea.
(crowd laughs)
That was a man, I didn't say be in a Kardashian.
(crowd laughs)
I said be a Kardashian.
(crowd laughs)
Well, you know, I think Jameela's anger is misplaced.
There are a lot of celebrities out here who do promote
a lot of stuff online.
You get paid a lot of money to promote products online,
believe me you, they're getting paid a lot,
all of these Kardashians and all the celebrities
who are promoting stuff online, they are getting
a lot of money for this.
So then you see it and then you buy it and they
might get a raise, because it's checked like once a week.
The company that's pimping you out, they check once a week.
So, I think Jameela should go after, first of all,
the tea company because it's the tea company that
went to the Kardashians to promote this line.
By the way, this is not the only weight-loss tea out there.
Weight-loss teas have been around since the sixties.
You know, and I don't think, well, there's nothing
wrong with a little gym-time and pushing back from
the table, that's all I'm saying.
(crowd clapping)
So it's no secret by now that if you get involved
with Pete Davidson, you're at the very least going to be
talked about on Saturday Night Live.
Can we agree on that?
And then Kate Beckinsale, you know, she's the older woman.
She's thirty-eight to his, she's thirty-five.
Twenty-eight, no she's forty-five and he's
twenty-five, I think.
Forty-five and twenty-five, alright well look,
they're dating, she's a mother and what?
You know I think she knows exactly what she's doing
with this, she knows this is not a keeper,
she's having fun.
Well, they had dinner the other night with Kate's mother,
people are upset about this, with Kate's mother and
Kate's stepfather in Malibu on the anniversary of
Kate's dad's fortieth anniversary of his death, okay.
(crowd gasps)
So in the car are the four of them, it's the
stepfather and her mother and then Pete was in there too
and Kate and people were saying,
well, why is she out with him, you know,
this is an intimate moment, they've only been dating
for a matter of weeks, you know, and this is
a pretty serious thing to be sharing with somebody
that you just met.
It's one thing that they're teasing us, they go out
to the hockey games and they're kissing in front of us
and they're really walking down the street and
really throwing this relationship in our face
like it's a go, but,
she's old enough to know.
Don't ask him, this is my opinion, and he's young,
excuse me, he's smart enough because his own father
passed away when he was a little boy so he has
experience with a parental death.
He's smart enough to know that the situation is
so delicate and we've only know each other for
a few weeks, maybe you need this time with your stepdad,
who raised you, and your mother.
Just the three of you, why don't the three of you go?
And then you and I can have our dad-to-dad talk
whenever you want, you know what I mean?
Clap if you think it's okay that they all went together.
(crowd clapping)
Yeah, so the majority of people here with my co-host
seem to feel that it's a delicate time.
There's nothing wrong with falling in love and everything
in two seconds and the age of the relationship.
I just think that's a delicate thing and I also,
again, stick up for the grown woman with the younger man.
She, when she's done with him, she's done with him.
This is a lot of fun for right now, he's got no children.
The second he wants children, she's not gonna do that again.
Even though at forty-five she could have another kid
if she wanted to, but she's already got her kids, she's
got her snap back.
Nobody's talking about Kate Beckinsale.
She's an English actress, I don't even know.
You know what I know her for?
The Pepsi commercial years ago, she looked all
sexyfied in the Pepsi commercial, that's it.
But apparently she's promoting, and wouldn't you know
her new Amazon show just came out a few weeks ago.
(crowd boos)
It's called The Widow and she's the star, I guess she's
the widow and so it works for her, it works for Kate and
we're following both of them, cause we like to.
(crowd clapping)
Yeah.
(crowd clapping)
There is this woman in Texas
who had thirty-thousand dollars worth of plastic surgery.
(crowd gasps)
Hold on.
To look like Meghan Markle.
(crowd gasps)
Now I want you to take a look and listen very closely
and then I'm going to go to you co-host, so formulate
your opinion, okay, earn your keep around here.
Alright, and go.
This was Houston lawyer Sochi Greer
before she had a total Meghan Markle makeover.
I had some fat grafts put into my cheeks,
liposuction to the abdomen, liposuction to the inner
and outer thighs, and then I had fat grafts into
the buttocks to give me a little nice lift.
I had filler in the jawline to give me a stronger jaw.
I had filler in my lips and under my eyes.
The only backlash that I've received so far
is some very nasty messages telling me that
I look nothing like her, I should be asking the doctor
for a refund.
There have been some really mean comments but
I try not to read them.
(crowd gasps)
There's more to the story.
Her name is Sochi Greer and she is thirty-six years old.
She's not just sitting around doing anything,
she's an educated woman, she's a lawyer.
(crowd gasps)
She's your attorney.
(crowd gasps)
With thirty plastic surgeries to look like a celebrity.
(crowd gasps)
Single mother of three.
(crowd gasps)
And I'm not judging the motherhood or the singlehood
'cause she could be one of those high-powered attorneys
who, you know, that thirty-thousand dollars that she spent
was nothing, she could take very good care of her kids.
She says she felt like she had a connection with Meghan.
(crowd laughing)
Ever since she first saw her on Suits.
Oh, counselor, she goes.
They're both divorced, they're both bi-racial,
Sochi is half-Mexican and she says Meghan plays
a lawyer on TV and I'm a lawyer in real life
so why shouldn't I spend thirty-thousand dollars
and look like her?
The thing is, you don't even look like Meghan Markle.
(crowd gasps)
You don't.
(crowd clapping)
Sochi wasn't a bad-looking woman to begin with,
the only thing that I see in the surgery is that the
liposuction and stuff worked, you know.
But, you don't look like Meghan Markle so now
what's going to happen by the court of popular opinion
online, you're gonna listen to them and then you're
gonna go back in and get more stuff done?
Clap if you think she looks like Meghan Markle.
(crowd gasps)
Well they are the taste-makers.
(crowd clapping)
If I had an attorney and I found out that my attorney
had thirty-thousand dollars worth of plastic surgery,
period, that would not be my attorney.
Unless it was through a burn, something that nature,
couldn't help and then if I found out that
the thirty-thousand dollars of plastic surgery
was to look like a celebrity, like who are you?
Not my attorney and then I would call the firm and demand
that they look into firing her and disbarring her.
(crowd gasps)
Well because she's lost all of her credibility.
Clap if you want your attorney to go through all that.
See.
(crowd laughs)
And what's she gonna tell her kids?
I have no idea how old the kids are, why don't people
think that after they do the stuff they do today,
that it won't still live there in infamy?
And even if you're nineteen, one day you're gonna
have kids who are nineteen and they're gonna say,
Mom this was you?
The kids are gonna be, like, who's Meghan Markle?
(crowd laughing)
And then she's gonna say, she was a princess
who was married to a prince a long, long time ago.
Oh you missed that joke, did you?
(crowd laughing)
(crowd clapping)
Yeah, it's just kinda sad.
So now Sochi says that she's open to finding her own prince
on reality TV, you see where we're going?
So I guess she'll be calling The Bachelor soon.
It works 'cause we're talkin' about it.
(crowd clapping)
By the way, we have a couple of guys
that might be for you, Sochi, I'm not sure
but they're available at the Jersey Shore.
(crowd laughing)
They now have their own reality show, they are bachelors.
Yep, Double Shot at Love with DJ Pauly D and Vinnie.
I love it.
(crowd clapping)
My co-host's reception to that show wasn't
as big as I thought it would be.
I'm watching this show, every episode, I'll tell you what.
So Pauly D and Vinnie they will be competing for the love
of twenty woman.
You take a look at this and then we'll talk.
There's only one dating show
that's looking for twice the love.
Sometimes the bachelor life isn't for every buddy.
Will you accept these bros?
(pop music playing)
This April, can twenty lucky ladies
win over the Paulie and Vinnie of their dreams?
Hello, love of my life?
(crowd clapping)
Well, it's cute.
It's cute.
MTV is gonna put it on at the same time-slot as
The Jersey Shore, so they already got the built-in audience.
Women get to decide on which one of the guys
they would date.
We played Who'd You Rather during our hot topics meeting
with men and woman and,
well, I chose Vinnie, hands down.
And the only reason why I chose Vinnie, and I love you,
Vinnie, but you're just a little short, I'm tall.
Paulie D's not as tall as me either but
I'm just not into Paulie D's hair.
I just can't get with the hair.
Norman, you said the same thing, right?
That hair has got to go, yeah.
(crowd laughing)
Paulie is such a nice guy.
He is.
He's like an attractive guy on the show.
He takes care of his kid.
Uh huh.
Remember from a one-night stand with a woman
he didn't even know her name.
Right, right.
Had to take a paternity test once the baby was born.
Yep.
It's The Bachelor-style format, though, this is gonna be
kind of a cute little show and, look, they both
have families so the families are gonna be,
this is the part that I walk out of the room on.
It's like when the, when I watch my shows for, like,
The Bachelor, The Bachelorette, and even when I
watch The Housewives and stuff like that,
I can take one family member removed,
but when you start bringing in all the bigmouth uncles
and aunts and neighbors next door and everything,
and children, I gotta walk outta the room.
So, the mom will be there cooking and the aunts
and uncles and everybody will be deciding on
which girl's the hottest for them and everything
like that, please just make it about Paulie D
and Vinnie and we'll be there.
The show begins Thursday, April 11th on MTV.
(crowd clapping)
People are so touchy these days, you don't know what to say.
So, either you say nothing or you say too much,
there's like, no gray area.
So our friend Jeff Lewis, you know Jeff, we love him.
Jeff, there he is.
So he is now single again.
(crowd gasps)
All right, first of all, I'll back you up.
Remember Jeff had an eight-year relationship?
He was married to Gage and Gage didn't want anything
to do with the show.
Gage was just a guy, he would show up every once in awhile,
and they adopted a baby together and so then Jeff
became a single dad once they
got their divorce.
And so now Jeff was back out dating, of course, and
he met this guy, I don't know his name but
he's a chiropractor and they had gone on a few dates
and one of the things that they agreed together,
the chiropractor and Jeff, agreed that they would not
talk about their dating life, their romantic life,
about that on the air.
Not on his reality show or, he's got a very popular podcast,
Jeff does, and you know he runs that mouth.
If you're on the radio for four hours, what are you
supposed to talk about, or maybe it's a one hour,
whatever it is, you gotta talk about something.
So, he talked about their date,
their first date actually, on the air and the doctor
decided to break up with him.
(crowd gasps)
He didn't talk about their sex life, Jeff goes,
it was a great date but I didn't like
the restaurant he picked.
(crowd gasps)
Big deal, what is the big deal?
So, look Jeff, you were only dating him for three
or four weeks, you found out before you got in too deep,
the chiropractor is being kinda petty with this,
but you should've known, Doctor, who you were dating
when you accepted his date, or you asked him out.
That's Jeff Lewis, you know?
(crowd clapping)
Man with a big personality and when things like this happen,
better sooner than later so good luck to both of them.
(crowd clapping)
Back in the day when I was on the radio and I was on
Hot 97 and then they threw me off and then New York
left me for dead and then I had to go to Philly.
(crowd laughing)
So I had to sue the radio station to get out of my contract,
I ended up winning.
(crowd clapping)
Now, that's not the story, that's not the story.
The bigger story is that my team of lawyers
could not figure out how to get my behind out of a sling,
the radio station had me on some real petty mess
and I was about to lose everything, you know,
and they were about to win, so one of my lawyers,
thank God, twenty-four hours, seven days a week,
they're carrying all my papers and contracts
around in their bags and they're digging and
they're having meetings while I'm sleeping
and crying, trying to figure out what's going to happen
to my radio career.
They dig dig dig dig dig and they found the one contract
in broadcast media at that time that was exactly
like the contract I had with radio, something about
a non-compete clause and some other stuff.
And that man's contract is legendary New York broadcaster
sports, Warner Wolf.
(crowd gasps)
Do you remember Warner Wolf?
(crowd mutters)
Well, so, Warner, I never told you this, Warner I
remember when I got this show for the six-week
sneak peak and I've never met you in my life and you
sent me a big thing of flowers and a really nice
handwritten note telling me that you listen to me
on the radio, which I had no idea, and that you
wished me well with this show.
So, Warner, we've been connected since forever
and your contract got, well, if it weren't for you, Warner,
I might not be here.
(crowd clapping)
So, anyway, other part of the story is, so last month,
my friend Warner was arrested
(crowd gasps)
for removing the word, plantation, from a sign
in a Florida development where he lives.
Well it used to be called, Classic Plantation Estates
and now it's just called, Classic Estates.
They arrested Warner and they, 'cause they caught him
red-handed removing it, he had been complaining
about it for awhile so everybody knew when they saw
the word missing, let's go to Warner's house.
(crowd laughing)
They charged him one-thousand and one-hundred dollars
in damage, they charged him with criminal mischief,
and he explained why he did it during a recent interview.
Let's go to the video tape.
I just felt I don't live on a plantation, simple as that.
Moral issue, I took it into my own hands.
I'm not telling people to do that, but this is
an objectionable word, plantation, what it means,
the connotation and it bothered me.
(crowd clapping)
The judge ended up throwing the case out and the charges
against Warner were dismissed and the word, plantation,
still isn't up there and Warner, thank you so much
just for being you.
(crowd clapping)
And we've got more great show for you everyone.
Today we've got a hot topic panel, a bunch of spicy friends
of mine, we're gonna break down the hottest topics
of the week, including the backlash from this
college-admission scandal, so grab a snack and come on back.
(pop music playing)
(crowd cheering)
(pop music playing)
