I grew up knowing that I was gay my whole life.
There are lots of things I really enjoy and
love about being a Fillipina in the Phillipine
culture. but coming out as a lesbian I think
is very challenging when there is really only
one way to be in that narrative. In high school
I was in the drama club and we were very like
would have long talks and talk about like
probably everyone is a little bit bisexual.
Ultimately I think I had to come out because
I couldn't stand it I felt like I just couldn't
be a whole person. 
I think I had a sense that
Sean might be gay but I wasn't going to ask
him about that kind of thing. It's like you
ignored the fact that I was gay or was straight
like you didn't want to take the time to even
get to know if I was or not. I was kind waiting
to see if you wanted to tell me and you were
kind waiting for me to ask you so obviously
we never talked about it. I decided to come
out to my family first in high school. 
It's the first time I've heard 
how my mom felt
since I came out. I can only imagine how hard
it was for my Mom being in a Korean Catholic
community. It's a small community it's probably
why I stopped going to church was because
I thought if I'm not there then people won't
ask about us. If my parents didn't accept
me I may not have been the best person I want
to be and I hope to become. Being able to
live in this house and get the Korean food
my that Mom makes and the love she gives me. 
What I love about my Mom is
that she has the most solid foundation around.
How she wants to live her life and our families
life it's what moves me and inspires me and
keeps me happy and centered. 
The process for my mom 
I think was challenging because me
being a lesbian contradicted her cultural
values and then also she's a devout Catholic.
She just asked why would you choose something
that would make life harder? when she said
that I realized her reaction had less to do
with me being a lesbian as it was her about
her general worry and concerns as parent.
I'm not out to my parents. I'm not out to
my Mom or my Dad. And you know in some ways
I think it's almost typical in South Asian
families it's like it's hard to come out as
straight let alone as queer. It didn't feel
that hard until I got into a really serious
relationship. Now it does feel hard not to
take my partner home. I feel like I could
tell my Mom but probably not while my Dad
is still alive and because he is older I don't
know how long I have him and so I just sort
of need to keep my relationship with him as
it is right now. Growing up I would have liked
to have heard Kevin talking maybe more about
issues that are strong to him like equal rights
or LGBT rights. I really didn't know. It made
me realize then and there that it's not good
enough to be supportive of these things in
general or supportive of people in general.
We tend to think that the absence of hostility
or the absence of negativity is support and
positivity but that's not true, that is nothing
but neutral. That's what Sean has helped me
realize. We straight folk need to take the
responsibility to show that we're supportive
so that they can, gay people, transgender
people can come out and know that they are
going to be supported by us and welcomed.
To the families out there I would say I think
the most important thing is sticking by each
other and not letting go. Especially when
it's the hardest. 
What I would say to straight
siblings, just know that nothing has really
changed. This is the same person who you've
always known and you've always loved. Having
kids certainly makes you very aware of the
bigger picture. Family is important and that's
a strong cultural value and I think really
now that I can look back, I see that that
value trumped all the other values about who
I was supposed to be and that my Mom's belief
in love of family really is what I think eventually
dismantled whatever stereotypes or homophobia
that she had. Everyone should have that. Everyone
should have that level of people who will
love you forever, no matter what.
