(whistling music)
♪ Loaf, Loaf, Loaf ♪
♪ Loaf, Loaf, Loaf ♪
♪ Loaf, Loafy ♪
(slurping)
(munching)
(swallowing)
(blowing)
- Huh?
(vomiting)
(laughs) Cool. Gay rat.
You're safe here, buddy.
Hey, look at me, I'm an ally.
(squeaking)
(whooshing)
(thudding)
(laughs) Yeah! Free wet book!
- Oh, Neck.
(gasps) What is this
magical, mystical periodical?
- Wha?
- It's a Dungeons & Dragons
manual, you frickin' idiots.
- Like the place and the animal?
- Um, it's like... It's 
role-playing, right?
But it's adults who have--
- Like a sexy thing?
- No. Opposite.
I guess you, like, pick a
character,
and you're, like, a
wizard or, like, a mage,
but you're just, like, a
dirty man in a basement.
It's a lot of work. It's like
homework.
(thunder crashing)
- Flames from my mouth!
Flames from my mouth!
(flames whooshing)
Flames from my ass! Flames from
my ass!
- Dungeon Master!
(monkey noises)
(maniacal laughter)
(puffing)
- I'm floating!
I'm gonna invite all 
my friends over
to pretend to be wizards.
- Oof. That's rough for me.
- By the power of Center Park!
Good afternoon, friends.
Let the escapism begin!
What is your character? Who
shall he be?
- He is a soldier of fortune.
He is a soldier of death.
- What?
- And his name is Maxwell Steel.
- Maxwell Steel.
You could be anything
you want in the world.
- I want to be Will Smith.
- That...
is very specific, but I get it.
Okay, roll for charisma.
- The dice?
- Yeah,
you roll the dice, and you find
out
how much charisma you
have, but I don't think
there's a number high enough on
this dice.
What about you, Penelope?
- I would like to be a
gremlin, like from the movies.
- Like from the movie "Gremlins"?
How 'bout you, Eli?
- You know Cheryl
from the supermarket?
- I do.
Gloria?
- A Maxxinista!
- And what would you
like to be, homeless man?
- A wizard, but with a house.
- That's so smart!
Okay, Sal, Joe, Q, and Murr,
what character would you like to
be?
(talking over each other)
- And where would you like to be
from?
- [All] Staten Island!
- Well, I can be anybody?
Can I be you, Loafy? (laughs)
Because there's a lot of
things I would do differently,
if you know what I mean.
(laughs)
C'mon, I'm (bleep) with you!
I would be a fervent cleric.
- Scrooge, what would your
character's weapon be?
- I'd just pull a rib out
and use rib-- sharp ribs.
Sharp ribs.
My weapons of choice are sharp
ribs.
- Uh, you want me to say 
lightsaber,
but I'm gonna say a gun.
Far more practical.
Lightsaber, you gotta get in
close.
- And you come up to a door,
and behind that door is a
fearsome orc.
What do you do?
- Hug him!
- Hug him?
- Yeah, squeeze him!
- Okay. He takes that
hug, and he accepts it.
And he says, "Thank you. That's
what I've needed all along,
for I have an ugly face,
and all I've wanted was love."
- Aw, orc.
- What do you do?
- Kiss him!
- Aw, this is so nice!
Will you bring your rat with
you?
- Yeah, can I bring my rat?
- Yes.
What is his name?
- Craig.
- Inside the game or in real
life?
- No, this is Craig. This is my
rat Craig.
- His Christian name is Craig?
- Yeah, well...
- He's not Christian?
I should-- I'm sorry, I
should not have assumed.
- It's all right, no prob.
- It is 2020.
- Yeah, he's Jewish.
- Yes, okay.
- That's cool.
- Okay, good.
- So the homeless man
and Craig the Jewish rat
have entered the realm.
Okay, Neck, you have come to a
door.
What would you like to do?
Would you like to go through
that door?
- I'd like to (bleep) that door.
- Okay, I don't think
you can (bleep) the door,
but let's roll the dice
and see what happens.
(dice clattering)
You got a 69!
I think you can (bleep) this
door!
- Oh, shit! (makes firework
noises)
- I smell a dream sequence
coming.
(maniacal laughter)
(thunder crashing)
I'm never returning to real
life! (laughs)
- Hey, Loafy, Loafy, Loafy!
Loafy, hey!
(smacking)
Here, over here, relax.
Dude, it's just a game.
- That's not true!
(sobs) That's impossible!
- Yes, it is.
- No, look, everyone's
having a great time, see?
(snoring)
I gotta get rid of that book.
Well, I guess being a
Dungeon Master wasn't all
wizards and tits like I
thought it was gonna be.
You know what Spider-Man always
says:
"With great power comes a
ass ton of responsibilities."
D&D is too addicting.
I'm gonna throw this book away
like
that ring from Lord of
the...whatever it was.
Bye, book! (grunts)
(rat squeaking)
(dramatic music)
(grunting)
- Oh no, the warrior rat!
(yelling)
(grunting)
- That's Craig, Jewish warrior
rat.
Hee-ya!
(squelching)
(grunting)
(popping)
- Oh, Neck, we are fighting a
beholder.
What shall ever we do?
- Let's smoke this joint.
- [Loafy] Let the escapism
begin!
- This is one of my favorite
episodes.
This is Loafy plays some D&D.
(maniacal laughter)
Neck finds Craig the rat 
playing with
a Dragons and also Dungeons
manual.
- (laughs) Cool. Gay rat.
- [Bobby] Jason Mewes came
about for the idea of Neck –
I don't think it's a secret
to say he's a pretty famous
stoner.
(laughing)
At least, he was at one point in
his life.
- You're safe here, buddy.
Hey, look at me, I'm an ally.
- [Bobby] Would you buy weed
from Loafy?
- Hell yeah, I would be-- well,
I would try to buy from him
and then see if I could then, like,
sell for him.
It'd be awesome.
(laughs) Yeah! Free wet book!
(laughing)
- Neck brings it to Loafy 'cause
he is too stoned to know what it
is.
- It's a Dungeons & Dragons
manual, you frickin' idiots.
What, did you grow up in
captivity?
Oh, I'm sorry, dude.
I love it.
- Yeah, Loafy is amazed by the
idea of the escapism of D&D.
Smokes a bunch of weed, and he
goes off into his dream world.
- Flames from my mouth!
Flames from my mouth!
(flames whooshing)
Flames from my ass! Flames from
my ass!
- I'm gonna invite all my
friends over
to pretend to be wizards.
- Oof. That's rough for me.
- [Loafy] By the power of Center
Park!
- The whole gang plays Dungeons
& Dragons,
so we ask everybody
about, like, their characters.
- What is your character?
Who shall he be?
- He is a soldier of death, and
his name is Maxwell Steel.
(laughing)
Can I bring cold beers into this
realm?
- I want to be Will Smith.
- A gremlin.
- Anyone?
- You could be anyone.
- Mark Hamill.
(laughing)
- You know Cheryl from the
supermarket?
(laughing)
- This can be whatever you want.
- A wizard, but with a house.
And a job. And an egg and cheese
sandwich?
(laughing)
- I would be a fervent cleric.
- It was super appealing to me,
with improvised scenes in it,
where you have a scenario set up,
but then we have these
very talented improvisers
come in and kind of fill in the
rest,
and it makes it seem more
natural.
- Scrooge, what would your
character's weapon be?
- I'd just pull a rib out
and use rib-- sharp ribs.
Toblerbone: the sharp
rib chocolate skeleton.
My weapons of choice are sharp
ribs.
- You want me to say lightsaber, 
but I'm gonna say a gun.
Far more practical.
Lightsaber, you gotta get in
close.
(laughing)
- The loose structure of it made
it
so much fun to work on
because a lot of the improv
informed how the episodes would
go.
- [Loafy] Will you
bring your rat with you?
- Yeah, can I bring my rat?
- Yes.
What is his name?
- No, this is Craig.
This is my rat Craig.
- His Christian name is Craig?
- He's Jewish.
- That's cool.
(laughing)
- This was completely
improvised on the spot,
and it ended up being
the end of the episode.
- That's Craig, Jewish warrior
rat.
- Finding that-- finding new
stuff for
each character, it has been the
best.
- And you come up to a door,
and behind that door is a
fearsome orc.
What do you do?
- Hug him!
- Aw, this is so nice!
- [Neck] I'd like to (bleep)
that door.
- Okay, I don't think
you can (bleep) the door,
but let's roll the dice
and see what happens.
(dice clattering)
You got a 69!
I think you can (bleep) this
door!
- Oh shit! (makes firework
noises)
That's me busting it all over.
- Say what?
(talking over each other)
- Would I actually work in the
zoo?
Oh, your zoo!
Of course I'd work in this
(bleep) zoo, man, shit.
- [Billy] How'd you like
being in Loafy today?
- I would say look down at my
pants,
but I don't know if you guys
should do that on camera.
Meaning that I have an erection
because it's so exciting.
Honestly, it was super fun.
It's got me (bleep)
scootin' and bootin', man.
Let's never stop playing this
game.
(laughing)
- It's Loafy.
- Hee-ya!
(squishing)
(grunting)
- Thank you for watching.
(popping)
(car alarm sounding)
(Crunching)
- Smokin' weed, smokin'
weed, rollin' dice--
- [Billy & Jason] Rollin' dice.
Smokin' meth--
- No H, no H.
- No H. Orcs can't (bleep) with
us.
- That was just the coolest
ending.
(laughing)
