Vanessa: Hi, I'm Vanessa from SpeakEnglishWithVanessa.com,
and I'm here with my husband, Dan-
Dan: Hello.
Vanessa: ... and we're going to talk about
birthdays today because ...
Dan: It's Vanessa's birthday.
Vanessa: Yay.
Let's get started.
Today my husband Dan and I are here on our
wonderful back deck in nature with the birds
and the bugs-
Dan: And the cicadas, apparently.
Vanessa: The cicadas are really loud.
Dan: Maybe you won't hear it.
We'll see.
Vanessa: ... to have this natural conversation
about birthdays.
I hope you'll be able to immerse yourself
in what we're saying.
Feel free to click CC to view the full subtitles,
so that you can catch every word we're saying.
So, are you ready to get started with my first
question?
Dan: Yes.
Vanessa: All right.
I have four questions today.
Dan: Oh boy.
Vanessa: One is what are typical birthday
traditions in the US?
Which might be similar to your country, they
might not.
And the second one is, what are children's
birthday celebrations like?
Like our childhoods.
What are adult birthday celebrations like?
And finally, what are the most important birthdays
in the US?
So, which years are the most important?
And you'll have to wait until the end of our
lesson to find out.
So let's start with that first one.
What are some typical birthday celebrations
in the US?
Dan: Some typical traditions?
Vanessa: Yeah.
Dan: Well, I'd say there are lots of little
different traditions you may do.
Sometimes there're little games like, pin
the tail on the donkey.
I'm not sure if you've heard of this.
But the only tradition that almost always
holds true is eating a dessert, usually a
cake, and singing happy birthday and getting
either a card or a present.
Vanessa: Yes, children are more likely to
get presents, but adults might get presents
too, at least a card from people you love.
Dan: Right, and this differentiates a lot
depending on if it's an adult or a child.
A child is more likely to get a lot more presents
in America.
Vanessa: Yes.
Dan: And you're a lot less likely to have
a big party as an adult as well.
Vanessa: Yes.
Well, we'll get to adult celebrations soon,
but I want to set the stage for what happens
when, for instance, you're at a child's birthday
party, they're turning seven years old, and
you've just eaten probably pizza.
Typical birthday thing.
You've just eaten pizza and they say it's
time-
Dan: Yeah.
You don't feel very good the day after.
Vanessa: Yeah, and they say "It's time for
cake."
What happens?
You turn off the lights ...
Dan: And you sing happy birthday.
Vanessa: But why do you turn off the lights?
Dan: Oh, so you could put candles in the cake.
Vanessa: Yeah, so usually the parents will
be in the other room, secretly putting candles
on the cake, and they'll light them, so there's
fire, and then they'll turn the lights off
and all of the kids or all the people in the
room will sing.
Dan: Happy birthday to you.
Happy birthday to you.
Happy birthday, dear Vanessa.
Happy to you.
Vanessa: Happy birthday to you.
Happy birthday to you.
Happy birthday, to me.
Happy to you.
Yeah, so they'll sing this song while the
cake is coming out, and then the cake will
be in front of the birthday person, and that
birthday person will close their eyes.
And why are they closing their eyes?
Dan: Yeah, so we do this to make a wish, although
I actually forgot about this because I haven't
really done that very much.
Vanessa: I think as a kid it meant more.
Dan: I mean, we did it as a joke, but as a
kid, you're always thinking, "I got to make
a wish and then blow out my candles."
Vanessa: It's got to be a good one.
Dan: Yup.
Vanessa: And we usually say if you tell people
what the wish is, it will never come true.
Dan: Mm, yes.
Vanessa: So it has to be a secret wish usually.
Maybe not every place in the US is the same,
but you close your eyes, make a wish.
For example like, "I hope that I will get
the best present for my birthday."
I don't know what kids wish for.
Dan: A new bike.
Vanessa: Yes, a new bike.
So, things that kids wish for, and then you
blow out the candles, and that's it.
Well, after you eat the cake, after you have
pizza and a cake, usually it's present time
and open presents wrapped in wrapping paper.
And that's about it.
That seems to be kind of the main tradition.
Dan: Yeah, that's a standard tradition.
Vanessa: Yeah.
Dan: And then there's a lot of little variances
here and there.
Vanessa: Yeah.
I would like to add one tradition though to
all birthdays around the world.
Well, we have two children, and when our oldest
child had his first birthday, which you'll
find out soon is a very important birthday,
I felt really emotional on his first birthday
because I remembered all of the intense work
that I needed to do during his birth.
So I gave birth to our son.
Dan: Me too.
Vanessa: Yes, it was really hard.
Dan: I did help a lot, but it was nothing
compared to giving birth.
Vanessa: Yes.
So, I felt like this hard work and this emotional
time that I had experienced when he was born,
we don't really include that in birthdays.
And I propose starting now that on birthdays,
we include the mother in some kind of birthday
tradition, maybe you country does this.
Dan: Yeah.
Some kind of celebration for the mother.
Yeah.
Vanessa: Just even if it's a tradition of
you blow out the candles and then say, "Thanks,
mom, for giving birth to me."
I feel like you both play an important part
in that day.
So as somebody who has given birth two times,
I would like to have that day be a special
memory for me too, and to share with my child
that this is what happened.
So, "Thank you mom, for giving birth to me.
Thank you for your hard work."
All right.
Let's go to the second category.
Second question, which is what are childhood
birthdays like?
The next category we're going to talk about
are memorable birthdays.
And usually these are in your childhood, because
birthdays as kids are bigger to do's.
But who knows?
They might be also when you're a little bit
older.
So I'm curious when you were a kid, what was
a typical birthday party like?
Or do you have any memorable birthdays?
Dan: Yeah, so my typical birthday party was
not very big.
My mom didn't typically go all out for most
of my birthdays.
Although maybe once or twice, she really went
kind of crazy.
Vanessa: Yes.
Like what?
Dan: One time she themed an entire party around
space and the planets.
So all of my friends who came, I don't know
if it was exactly the same amount of people
for planets, so we all put like stickers on
our head, that was like, "I'm Saturn, I'm
Jupiter," and then we got to argue about what
planets we were.
And I had-
Vanessa: The arguing was part of the party.
Dan: Of course.
Vanessa: That was fun.
Dan: And there was a little solar system hanging
from the light.
So this is kind of an example of a themed
party, which happens much, much more when
you're a child.
Vanessa: Yeah.
So when I was a kid, my mom almost always
went all out and I don't think it was because
I asked her to, I think it was more just,
that's what she really enjoyed doing.
She enjoyed having a big celebration for my
birthday.
I remember one time, I actually have video
footage of this, I don't know if I can figure
out how to edit it in here so you can see.
Dan: You should.
Vanessa: But she had all of the girls from
my, maybe, first grade class, come over and
she did our hair like this with braids, at
each girl's hair.
She did makeup on each girl.
I think we might've even painted our fingernails,
and we made bows for our hair, we had crafted
bows...
Vanessa's Sister: Happy birthday.
Vanessa’s sister: And I'm going to eat all
the cake.
Vanessa's Dad: You are going to eat the whole
cake, Charisse?
Vanessa’s sister: And I’m going to put
on make up.
Vanessa's Dad: Can anyone else have a piece?
Vanessa's Mom: There you go, you look great.
Okay.
All: Happy birthday to you.
Happy birthday to you.
Happy birthday dear Vanessa.
Happy birthday to you.
Vanessa's Mom: I love you.
Blow your candles.
There's more.
Vanessa: There.
Vanessa's Mom: Good job.
Try that last one.
Vanessa's Dad: One more.
Vanessa's Mom: Good job.
Oh, I love you sweet heart.
Vanessa: I remember another party, she rented
a horse, it was like a little pony.
And it came to our house in a trailer and
the owner walked it around our yard and each
kid got to sit on the back of the horse-
Dan: That's pretty awesome.
Vanessa: ... and have a pony ride.
And was our first year living in South Carolina
where we moved to, and it was my first week
of school, because September 4th, my birthday
is usually the first week of school.
So I had just met all these kids in my class
and now they were at my house and having a
fun party.
So good job mom, organizing that.
I want to ask.
Do you think it was usually your mom who wanted
to have parties like this?
Dan: Yeah.
Definitely.
Vanessa: We are saying moms, but.
Dan: Well, because my dad worked a lot, especially
when I was a kid, it's basically up to my
mom to organize anything around the house,
so it's a very traditional setup.
She was assumed to be the birthday lady.
Vanessa: Now we're talking about birthday
parties, but what about births?
Dan: Births?
Vanessa: Do you have any interesting experiences
either, when you were born-
Dan: Yes, when Theo was born.
Vanessa: When Theo was born.
Our child, yes definitely.
Dan: Our children were memorable.
Vanessa: Or when your siblings were born?
Dan: Mm-hmm (affirmative).
Vanessa: Yeah.
Tell me about that.
Dan: Well, I don't remember when I was born.
But I was born on April 1st, so I always hear
the story about...
Oh, and by the way, April 1st is called April
fool's day, where people play pranks on each
other in America.
So when my mom called her parents and said,
"I just had my baby," they didn't believe
her.
Vanessa: "No, you didn't April fool's day.
You didn't have your baby."
"No really."
Dan: And so that was always kind of an ongoing
issue with my birthdays as a child, because
people would play a prank on me.
And I would forget because I'm like, "This
is my birthday.
It's not April fool's day."
Vanessa: But it is.
Dan: So I got pranked a lot.
Also when my sister was born, I'm not sure
I remember the day exactly.
Vanessa: You were three years old, probably.
Dan: Yeah.
Vanessa: Okay.
Dan: I was a little over three years old,
but this is how much I cared about my sister
being born.
I care a lot now, but apparently when I was
three years old, I was interested in other
things.
So my mom called my grandparents, who I was
staying with and said, "Congratulations, Daniel,
you have a sister."
And I said, "Well, grandma made me a hot dog."
Vanessa: You're telling me one important thing.
I'm telling you another important.
Dan: So this is my reply to my sister being
born, that, "I have a hot dog.
You have a baby.
These things are the same."
Vanessa: Cool.
Yeah.
It's a very, a three year old Daniel mind.
So for me, when I was a kid, we had these
big parties, but then as I got a little bit
older, like middle school, high school, they
became more centered around my close friends,
two or three friends.
And I have a very special couple memories,
mainly as a high schooler, maybe it was also
in middle school, where my family would go
on a specific hike each year.
And this hike, we go on to that same hike
as a family now, but this hike is special
because-
Dan: It's beautiful.
Vanessa: ... around September 4th, there are
lots of blueberries in season.
And that means that the top of the mountain
is covered in wild blueberry bushes.
And then around this time, in the end of summer,
beginning of fall, the blueberries are ripe.
So we would go to the top of the mountain
and pick blueberries with our best friend's
family.
And on the top of the mountain, they would
sing happy birthday to me.
Dan: That's a good birthday.
Vanessa: Yeah, it was so...
I have such nostalgic feelings when I think
about that, because to me, that's what I like
now as an adult, which we'll talk about in
just a moment.
But that's what I like now with a birthday.
It's with the close people I care about, it's
doing something simple, some kind of memory,
something like this that is... something you're
probably really going to remember.
So let's take that to transition to our next
topic, which is, Adult Birthdays, or now that
you're an adult, what do you do?
So let's talk about that.
Now I want to ask about birthdays now that
we are adults.
We're not children who have parents creating
birthday parties for us.
So what are birthdays like for you now, when
you are an adult?
As an adult.
Dan: So as an adult, it can run a wide spectrum.
So I don't think people have parties as much.
It just depends on the individual.
For me personally, we don't really throw a
party for me.
Maybe I'll get together with my parents, maybe
I'll get together with some friends, but we
don't really invite a lot of friends over
to have a big party.
Vanessa: And that's just a personal choice.
It's not wrong, if you are living in the US
and you're wondering, should I invite friends
over to my house for my birthday?
Is that just for children?
No, it's fine.
If you want to have a celebration, that's
totally fine, as an adult.
It's just our personal preference to keep
things small, simple.
And I think in general, for us, we opt to
give gifts that are experiences.
Dan: Yeah.
Do something.
Vanessa: Yeah.
Well maybe go to a nice restaurant together
or we'll go to a new location that we haven't
visited before.
Or like you said, we'll go to your parents'
house and they'll make us some dinner or something
special.
Food.
Dan: Yes.
That's probably the most common thing for
us now.
And it's still very common to get a gift or
at least a card.
However, if you have a partner, then a lot
of times you're going to give something extra.
That's going to be your special gift.
For example, when I was in college, Vanessa
sent me a really awesome gift.
She actually shot me a video of people at
our college that we used to both go to, but
we were actually separated at this time, I
don't know why.
Vanessa: I was a little bit sad, so I made
you a video.
Dan: She made me a personal video about all
our friends saying happy birthday to me.
And she put it together and sent it to me
in the mail, and I got it at my college and
I watched it.
And we were broken up, so I probably cried.
Vanessa: Yeah.
Well, I think this was a pretty difficult
present actually, because it was a time when
it was kind of tough to find anything to record
a video with.
So I had to borrow my friend's cheap camera
to record it.
Dan: This was back in the day.
Vanessa: My laptop was really old.
I remember I had to send it to the computer
services, tech support at our college, four
times just to edit one video.
And I filmed our friends saying, "Happy birthday,
Dan.
You're a great guy," and then I would film
another friend saying the same thing.
And it was something to hopefully help you
feel loved.
And it worked, we got married.
Dan: It was a very good Vanessa...
Yes, that worked.
It's was a great Vanessa style video.
Vanessa: Something personal that takes some
effort, but it's thoughtful.
And I don't do that for every birthday, but
it's something that's really from the heart.
So now that today is my birthday, at least
when you're watching it is my birthday.
What are we going to do for my birthday Dan?
Dan: Well, there are still some surprises.
However, I'm going to be making a dessert
with my toddler Theo, so it should be interesting.
And we're going to make it into some shapes.
I don't know, it's still a surprise, so I
don't want to give everything away, but we'll
be making a dessert with my toddler.
Vanessa: Yeah.
And we'll probably have a candle or two or
maybe 33 candles, I don't know how many we
have in the kitchen and then I'll blow them
out.
And that's a typical birthday celebration.
Dan: That's her birthday.
Vanessa: Yeah.
I think especially this year, we're not doing
that much for my birthday, because it was
our 10 year wedding anniversary, a couple
of weeks ago.
And so we celebrated that anniversary and
my birthday is just kind of extra.
Dan: Yeah.
Vanessa: So I'd like to ask you my final question.
What do you think are the most important birthdays
in the US?
So this is a cultural thing, but if you were
to say, "It's my 20th birthday next week,"
would that be a big birthday.
Dan: It wouldn't be 20th, but it would be
21st birthday.
Vanessa: Yes.
So let's start at the beginning of life and
then we'll get to 21st.
So what do you think?
Dan: Yeah.
So I don't think there's any universally accepted
important birthday.
Although it seems like a lot of mothers celebrate
first birthday, as being very important.
At least the mothers we hang around.
Vanessa: I would say that it's becoming more
common that the first birthday of a child
is a big event.
You invite all your family, all your friends,
the kid doesn't care, they're just one year
old, they don't even know what a birthday
is.
Dan: They'll be happy to eat cake.
Vanessa: Yeah.
But it's kind of a celebration of, "We survived
one year."
So first birthday is generally a big event.
And I would say the next one would be your
16th birthday, especially girls.
Dan: Yeah.
Although I think this may be dying out a bit.
Vanessa: I don't know.
Dan: We still say, we have songs about sweet
16.
Vanessa: We don't know many 16 year olds right
now.
Dan: That's true.
Vanessa: So I don't know if it's still common,
but when we were kids, that was a big birthday.
Dan: I don't remember throwing an extra big
party for myself or my sister at 16, but people
do still really set aside the 21st birthday
as a big birthday.
And that is mostly because in America you
were allowed to drink alcohol at 21.
So I think this is the entire reason why people
say, "21, Oh man, you've made it.
Now you can go out and drink in public."
Vanessa: Does that mean that people do not
drink before they're 21?
Dan: No people still drink before 21, but.
Vanessa: But this is kind of a moment where
you feel like, "I'm an adult.
I'm allowed to drink," like you said, in public
at this point, or it is legally acceptable
for me to drink.
So I think your first birthday, 16th especially
for girls, the 21st, definitely.
Dan: Maybe 18th.
Vanessa: 18th?
Dan: 18th is legal adulthood.
Vanessa: He does legal adulthood, but I don't
feel like there's a celebration specifically
for that.
Usually you celebrate graduating high school
around that time, and that might be a bigger
celebration than your birthday in my opinion.
But I think the US is so diverse with so many
different cultures and traditions and backgrounds,
that everyone is going to celebrate this in
a somewhat different way.
But from our experience first 16th, the 21st.
And then I would say there's a big jump to
40th birthday.
So between 21 and 40, not so important, but
what is the term for your 40th birthday?
Dan: Yes.
You are over the Hill.
Vanessa: So let's explain what this means.
Over the Hill means...
Dan: 40, everything's downhill after that.
Vanessa: Yes.
Your average lifespan is 80 years old.
So when you're 40, you're kind of going up,
up, up the Hill and then you're 40 and now
it all goes down.
So this is kind of morbid.
Dan: It's kind of dark humor.
Vanessa: It's dark humor.
So if you go to the grocery store, typical
grocery stores in the US, have a section with
flowers and balloons and party supplies, all
of the 40th birthday supplies, are black and
gray.
Sometimes they have a gravestone on them like,
"Oh, you're going to the grave," so it's very
dark.
Dan: They might even have a section that says,
"Over the Hill."
Vanessa: Over the hill.
This is a very specific moment.
And it's just a joke because usually when
you're 40, you're still feeling pretty young,
but it's just a joke.
So 40 is the next big birthday.
And after that, I was trying to think if there's
actually a specifically big birthday, and
what do you think?
Dan: I think every decade, you just get more
sarcastic jokes about your age.
Vanessa: So when you're 70 and 80 and 90.
Dan: You just get cards that have more jokes
about your age.
That's my experience with it, not that I'm
that old, but with my grandparents, what we
would get them.
Vanessa: Yeah.
I think that when you're a hundred, there's
probably a special Centennial party.
But I know for example, for your great grandmother,
when she turned 90, all of the family, there
were dozens of people, got together and had
a big birthday party for her.
Because if you live to be 100 years old, that's
pretty unusual.
Dan: Very unusual.
Vanessa: So when she turned 90, that was like,
"Oh, that's great.
Let's all get together and celebrate."
Dan: But she almost made it.
I think she was 96 or something.
Vanessa: Yeah.
She had a really awesome long life.
So in this way, after your 40th birthday,
there's not really a big cultural celebration,
but it's just up to your family, what they
want to celebrate.
Well, thanks so much for celebrating my birthday
today with me, and thanks for joining me,
Dan.
Dan: You're welcome.
Vanessa: I hope that you enjoyed this conversation.
I hope that you learned some vocabulary.
You got to immerse yourself in listening to
English.
And now I have a question for you.
What do you like to do on your birthday?
Let us know in the comments, what do you like
to do on your birthday?
Let's learn about some birthday traditions
around the world, read other comments, learn
about it.
And I hope you have a wonderful day.
Thank you so much for learning English with
us, and I'll see you again next Friday for
a new lesson here on my YouTube channel.
Bye.
Dan: Bye.
She edited it down.
Edited.
Edited it.
Edited it.
Vanessa: Edit did it.
Edit did it.
Dan: Okay.
Edited it.
Is that really how you say it?
Vanessa: You can say, she put it together?
Dan: Okay.
Vanessa: The next step is to download my free
ebook.
Five steps to becoming a confident English
speaker.
You'll learn what you need to do to speak
confidently and fluently.
Don't forget to subscribe to my YouTube channel
for more free lessons.
Thanks so much.
Bye.
