''The world has changed."
"None of us can go back."
"All we can do is our best,"
"and sometimes, the best we can do...''
''Is to start over."
''I saw all these people die.''
''I keep telling everybody they should move on.''
''Someday...''
''but not us.''
''Whatever it takes!"
More like...
Am I right?
*claps sarcastically*
So JK Rowling, the creator and writer of the world-famous
Harry Potter series
Everyone has their favorite installment in the franchise; yours might be the Prisoner of Azkaban.
You are legitimately WRONG!
The correct answer would be ''Harry Potter And The Cursed Child''.
But 👏 now JK has started doing certain
''changes'' to the Harry Potter lore.
(Laughs loudly)
And these changes have actually gotten so bad that
TV funny men are talking about it.
[TV funny men] The latest installment of the fantastic beasts franchise,
''The Crimes Of Grindelwald'' is hitting blu-ray.
And JK Rowling dropped a BOMBshell in the commentary,
That's right!
Dumbledore was a Gryffindor in the streets,
A Slytherin in the sheets.
(Audience laughing)
(Fortnite sound effect of clap)
I love how these late-night shows just come up the same incubation pause.
"Sorry for the quick thaw Master Chief,"
''things are a little hectic right now.''
I-I-I think there's a British one as well, and he- and he did a funny Fortnite dance.
They-they all look the same!
[TV funny man] Rowling added,
Which has fans pumped for the next sequel:
(cue laughtrack_4.mp3)
👏👏👏👏👏
👏👏👏👏👏
We will right back!!
(Audience ''woooooo's'')
👏👏👏👏👏
You just know that when TV funny man is saying you goofed up, 👏 (laughs) it's serious business!
(Pyro News Intro)
I heard some breaking news!
Apparently my sources confirm.
We are only 88 million subscribers behind PewDiePie!!
Subscribe today, guys!!!
To close the gap!!!
My predictions are, ''we will overtake him?''
Never!
Also buy my merch, please! It's really cool! You can t-pose to assert your dominance! I-I-It's so epic!
I love my wife.
OH! What's this, guys? I have even more breaking news!
Apparently,
we're only 1.1 million subs away from overtaking the YouTube channel ''Yo mama''.
What kind of amazing content is Yo Mama making to surpass my channel.
This is the reason article 13 got passed.
But anyway, JK Rowling has been opening up about a lot of our characters
I'm really happy that Dobby's now a half-cyborg-ninja from Tau Volantis!
But at the same time does anyone really care?
So JK will have this logic where she writes a book, finishes it, it gets published
but then she retro actively changes big things within the books.
(Pyro then proceeds to look up)
Now there isn't a problem with being more inclusive
but.. if you're not inclusive in the actual source material and just say afterwards to kind of pander to people,
it seems really fake.
And that part of fanbase, to say the least, were not pleased
''My boyfriend cheated...''
''and I'm fucking exposing him!''
And then something terrible happened
quirky brand Twitter started mocking JK Rowling.
(cough)
Oh brand Twitter, you are so quirky! (claps)
Imagine applying for a job anywhere,
and you put on your resume that you ran a brand Twitter account.
The good thing to do would be to just ?? you.
Now this massive he-said she-said Dobby said,
started in 2007 when JK Rowling admitted that Dumbledore was gay!
And again, this is great.
I love progressiveness in media, but... you added it after the book already came out.
You can't talk about someone's sexual orientation
like it's a DLC to a video game.
It was I N T E N S U A L L Y S E X U A L
but there was no actual sex, not until marriage, only hand-holding.
Cretin.
And yet again, the Potter fan base, they just weren't happy!
''You are going to take someone's eye out.''
''Besides, you're saying wrong,''
''it's LeviOSA, not LivioSA.''
It's obvious she's trying to be more inclusive and appeal to the LGBT community,
by having these characters, but also
she's trying to make her products more mainstream.
By not explicitly saying they're LGBT, which is..
Incredibly two-sided. You can't have it both ways.
(laughs while reading comment)
(Claps) It's so great!!
Can I please get a like for bravery?
1 like for bravery.
There can only be one lesbian,
JK Rowling, I give you five days to stand down and surrender all your books and billions of profit to me.
This is so sad guys!
Now, I've seen a lot of people on Twitter comparing JK Rowling to George Lucas.
They both had... a widely, successful franchise, they moved away from it,
and then came back to the franchise that made them popular and tried to tweak it,
you know, add a bit of backstory or retro actively changed things to...
not very good wide appeal.
''I'm--''
Do you remember how they added CGI to the original Star Wars films?
Stop it.
Also talking about bad takes
JK Rowling -- she's had quite a few.
Look JK, you can profit off the masses and then try and be inclusive by saying characters or LGBTQ after it's been published
but... you leave Felix alone, alright??
He's mine.
We are only...
88 million subs behind him.
We're just gonna close that so quickly guys! I'm so excited!
I don't know... you shouldn't- you shouldn't assume that dude
it doesn't look intensely sexual to me. *laughs*
(laughing at a humorous comedy skit on the internet further known as "memes")
She's right, you know.
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
I'm just-
Hold up...
One out of two people are gay
I'm not gay, so that means...
*hehe*
But then guys,
something even more sad happened.
A KPop Stan HQ, some braintard, actually got JK Rowling confused with
Jungkook from BTS.
So the stans began a full-on invasion of anything to do with JK Rowling.
I'm happy that my--my Stan fan base percentage is about a--a low 3% if it rises to anything higher,
I'm just gonna shut down my channel.
And guys...
(clap)
The saddest news of all...
9gag joined in on mocking J.K. Rowling...
''NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"
The replies are about as unfunny as you can imagine.
When 9gag is clowning on you,
It's--it's--it's curtains down, man, it's curtains down!
Felix: Jokes on you, I never read Harry Potter because I'm not GAY!!
Ｉ　ｄｏ　ｌｉｋｅ　ｄｉｃｋ　ｔｈｏｕｇｈ．
Pyro: Shut up, Felix! You're gonna get us all demonetized again.
Now the biggest backlash that JK Rowling got was when she wrote Harry Potter And The Cursed Child.
So in Harry Potter and The Cursed Child, which is a screenplay.
They casted Hermione as a black woman
there's nothing wrong with that.
It's progressive and I'm all for diversity.
The problem is,
in the original books,
JK Rowling explicitly said that Hermione was white.
Why--Why in the book did you explicitly say that she's white?
Now I don't have a problem with it
I mean,
there's loads of changes in media.
Like, Captain Marvel's gone from a guy to a woman, and we all know how great that film was.
*laughs*
But, in all honesty,
acting like one thing is canon the whole time and then changing it to be more inclusive.
Is... I--I--I--It's just really offensive to all PI's.
So guys, what have we learned today through JK Rowling's terrible Twitter takes?
Everyone is bad, everyone is evil.
And anyone that owns a Twitter account should be permanently suspended
(loud nirga)
Thank you for watching. Make sure to subscribe, we--we're gonna
crush this sub gap with PewDiePie next week, man. We're gonna make some real progress
well, so like I said buy my merch, you know, if you want to t-pose, you know...
to assert your dominance in public.
???
Just--just buy the merch!
JC Denton: I'm not much into books!
