Comedy Criminals Get Karma When Trying To Hack The Police! - Cartoon Villain Parody!
[Hamish] [Singing] I would walk 500 miles and I would...
[Stalin] Oh Hamish?
[Hamish] oh hello boss
[Stalin] There you are Hamish. Where have you been?
[Hamish] Um er er... Well I was just at the pub
selling some glue.
[Stalin] Selling some glue?
I've been waiting for three hours
[Stalin] You were supposed to come here and talk to me about operation swine flu our latest dastardly deed
[Hamish] oh oh I'm sorry boss
[Stalin] oh dear.
[Stalin] Well I guess you were stealing
my glue so how did that go?
[Hamish] oh well well it was going great me laddy but...
[Stalin] Right
[Hamish] The only problem was that the coppers came
[Stalin] Oh dear. Oh no. Not the wretched coppers.
[Stalin] Oh dear oh right. And then what happened?
They didn't follow you back here did they?
[Hamish] Oh no me laddy. I
escaped and gave them the slip och aye.
[Stalin] Well you are sure though right
because I really don't want them coming back here...
[Stalin] and uh finding our secret lair.
That would be awful
[Hamish] oh no no. iIm sure boss och aye
[Stalin] Speaking of police...
Yes dirty horrible piggies yes yes yes
[Stalin] That's actually the subject of our
latest operation yes yes yes
[Hamish] Right
[Stalin] Well you see i've been very sick...
[Stalin] Of those horrible little piggies
sniffing around all of our business all the time
[Stalin] And I'm a bit worried you see. I'm a bit worried that if they keep sniffing they might find something
[Hamish] Right boss
[Stalin] Yes so I thought what we need to do...
[Stalin] Is get rid of them once and for all [Laughs]
[Hamish Laughs]
[Stalin] No you don't get to laugh yet
You get to laugh when I reveal the plan
[Hamish] Oh okay boss.
[Stalin] Yes yes so the plan...
[Stalin] Oh it's very good you see. I spent a very
long time thinking about it...
[Stalin] and it's pretty much foolproof you see
[Hamish] Right
[Stalin] So it's excellent. So here it is. I've written
it out and I've made this nice diagram...
[Stalin] You can see here with this with
this sick little piggy in the computer you see
[Stalin] and that represents what we're going to
do you see. It's great. It's a metaphor
[Hamish] Oh okay boss.
[Stalin] Yes it's very good. I came up with it myself.
[Stalin] I made it on the computer
[Hamish] oh very good boss.
[Stalin] Oh yes I'm smart yes yes yes
[Stalin] Yes and you see.... What we're going to do is... You see this usb stick i've got here?
[Hamish] Right
[Stalin] Well you see what i've gone and done...
[Stalin] Is I've gone and put a computer virus on it
[Hamish] Right
[Stalin] Oh yes yes a wonderful nasty horrible
computer virus designed to delete all...
[Stalin] All the information in the computer
that you connect it to
[Stalin] oh yes yes yes yes yes
so what we're going to do...
[Stalin] Is it's very simple you see
I've written these steps out here.
[Hamish] Oh yes ok.
[Stalin] So number one we get the usb stick
[Stalin] and we put the virus on it and
so I've already done that
[Hamish] Right
[Stalin] and then number two...
[Stalin] We're going to send it to the stupid
cops yes the silly piggies
[Hamish] Oh ok. Then?
[Stalin] Then the policeman is going to receive it...
[Stalin] and he's going to think it's full of evidence and so he's going to think "Oh look at all this lovely evidence"
[Stalin] And he's going to put it in his computer and then [makes sound of computer turning off]
[Stalin] Down it goes. Oh down goes the computers.
Down goes the mainframe
[Stalin] Down goes all of it. [Laughs]
[Hamish Laughs]
[Stalin] And with it all their evidence and their
precious criminal record. Oh yes [Laughs]
[Stalin] I'm gonna delete all the criminal
records in the uk and maybe even the world
[Stalin] I don't really know how that how computers work but I'm hoping it will be all of them
[Stalin] Yes and all the bad people everywhere will suddenly have no criminal record
[Stalin & Hamish Laugh]
[Stalin] Oh and those stupid piggies won't
be sniffing around here anymore
[Stalin & Hamish Laugh]
[Hamish] Ok so what do you need me for?
[Stalin] Oh well you see normally I would do this kind of
thing myself but I'm afraid this evening...
[Stalin] I'm going to be out.
You see I've got to go to the local library...
[Stalin] and rent out all the books you see and then
I'm planning never to return them [Laughs]
[Stalin] and after that I have a class at the local leisure center. I'm teaching children how to play with fireworks
[Stalin] [Laughs] Oh it's so much fun.
Last week, little Larry. He lost a thumb. Oh it was great
[Stalin & Hamish Laugh]
[Stalin] Yes so as you can imagine, I'm
quite busy so i was thinking maybe you...
[Stalin] could uh... you could take the usb stick and deliver it to the police station
[Stalin] And uh... You know just make sure it all gets done. I've done the really hard part...
[Stalin] and all the complicated stuff so there's
absolutely no way that this could go wrong
[Hamish] Right so take the usb stick
and take it to the police station och aye
[Stalin] Yes that's it.
[Hamish] No problem
[Stalin] Well see. I knew I could trust in you this time Hamish. I thought to myself...
[Stalin] Should I ask Hamish to do it after the
last time where you screwed it all up
[Stalin] And I thought... Well Stalin you're very clever and
I'm sure you can think it all through...
[Stalin] and make sure it's a foolproof plan
and so that's what I've done
[Stalin] So all i've done is
left this one crucial part to you ok?
[Hamish] Och aye. No problem boss.
[Stalin] Seeing as there's nothing to get confused about,
I'm sure that it will be absolutely fine
[Stalin] Now just on another note if uh you just wait there, I've just got one more thing i need to ask of you
[Hamish] Right okay. No problem. oh yeah I can't
wait to get rid of these stupid piggies
[Stalin] Yes yes so I've got this other usb stick
here you can see.
[Hamish] Right
[Stalin] Yes. It's related to a completely different matter
[Stalin] You see... On this usb stick,
I have put a bunch...
[Stalin] of the incriminating evidence that these
piggies are currently looking for you see
[Hamish] Right
[Stalin] All this talk about the police...
[Stalin] and getting rid of their evidence and all
this type of stuff has made me think
[Stalin] Oh well maybe we should get rid of ours
so yes I put all of the incriminating information...
[Stalin] and everything relating to our address and all of these type of things all onto this usb stick here you see
[Hamish] Right
[Stalin] You might be thinking "Oh dear. That
sounds very dangerous" but it's not you see.
[Stalin] What we're going to do is
we're going to send it to my friend who is a hacker
[Hamish] Right
[Stalin] And he knows a lot about important information
[Stalin] So he's going to secure it all for us and delete
anything securely that's bad and dispose of things
[Stalin] oh and I've also put a bunch of our
stuff from our cyber crime on there oh yes
[Stalin] So there's lots of bitcoin addresses and
and bank information
[Stalin] and credit card details and all sorts of
things like that you see
[Stalin] So then the hacker can get all the monies for us
[Hamish] Oh ok.
[Stalin] Oh yes yes yes so it's very very good and so yes I'd like you to take to take this USB stick...
[Stalin] and post it to the hacker so very simple right?
[Hamish] Right so take that USB stick
and post it to the...
[Stalin] So take this USB stick here...
This white one that looks like this
[Hamish] Yes
[Stalin] Take this one... This one has the virus on it...
[Stalin] And I need you to take that to the police right?
[Hamish] Right
[Stalin] And this other quite similar looking USB stick over here
[Stalin] I need you to take and send to the hacker right?
[Hamish] But boss?
[Stalin] Yes?
[Hamish] They're not quite similar. They're identical boss
[Hamish] They're both the same pretty much.
[Stalin] oh oh oh yes oh yes of course
[Stalin] Yes yes sorry thank you.
Very good point Mr Hamish. Very good point.
[Stalin] I'm very glad.
I'm testing you yes yes yes yes that's right.
[Hamish] Oh right. Yes
[Stalin] I'm very glad you pointed that out.
[Stalin] Yes they are very similar
but don't worry. I'm one step ahead
[Stalin] I've already thought about this. Now I don't
need to tell you how terrible it would be...
[Stalin] If you were to mix up the USB stick
with the virus on it...
[Stalin] and instead accidentally send that to the hacker. Now that would be awful because...
[Stalin] He's quite a scary man you see and I'd be very worried if we got on the wrong side of him you see
[Hamish] Oh of course. Of course
[Stalin] and then also of course we really don't want all of our incriminating evidence to actually end up with the piggies
[Stalin] Oh dear
[Hamish] No no no no of course.
[Stalin] and to avoid this, I've been very clever
and I've decided to mark them
[Stalin] So they're very clearly different
[Hamish] Ok right.
[Stalin] okay so this one here you
can clearly see is marked with an SP
[Stalin] That's for stupid police.
[Hamish] Oh och aye. Of course or stupid piggies.
[Stalin] Oh yes stupid police or stupid piggies yes
good this way you'll remember it right?
[Stalin] I thought you would remember that good.
So SP... Stupid police or stupid piggies yes
[Stalin] and then this one I have marked
with a DS for dodgy stuff okay?
[Hamish] oh okay. Well that's much clearer
[Stalin] Yes so this one's very clearly
different to this one now right?
[Hamish] Of course och aye.
[Stalin] There's no way that you can get them mixed up
[Hamish] Right
[Stalin] Even if they were to get switched around...
[Stalin] or anything they're very clearly different
and labeled very differently so they're both unique
[Stalin] So this one here SP yes yes
[Hamish] Right yes
[Stalin] This one goes to the police okay.
[Hamish] Och aye ok
[Hamish] And then this one here...
DS for dodgy stuff goes to the hacker okay?
[Stalin] Very very clear so this one
and this one okay?
[Hamish] Och aye Och aye.
[Stalin] Ok? Good right.
[Stalin] Ok so i'll just put these back how
they should be. There we go and lovely jubly
[Hamish] Um...
[Stalin] So hopefully there's no confusion here at all
[Hamish] Um...
[Stalin] and I'm certain that you'll...
[Stalin] do everything I think you will Mr Hamish
[Hamish] Yes? Um...
[Stalin] Right well I trust in you Hamish
and i'm sure you'll do an excellent job
[Stalin] So um yes and remember
do not screw this up
[Stalin] because the hacker and the police are not people we're gonna want to deal with ok?
[Stalin] Ok bye
[Hamish] Oh um um... Bye boss!
[Hamish] Ok so that that usb stick goes to the hacker
and that usb stick goes to the police?
[Hamish] Um... oh oh well I'll take a chance
yes because if with one usb stick I have a 100% chance
[Hamish] Then that must mean... oh oh yeah that's right.
Two usb sticks will be 200% chance och aye.
[Hamish] I'm guaranteed to get it right oh oh
okay let's do it then oh this will be so easy
[Stalin] Oh yes yes yes. There we go
Oh just finishing up my lovely picture.
[Stalin] Oh I love drawing so much. Oh yes
it's so relaxing and so fun.
[Stalin] Oh I love letting my creativity out. Oh yes yes
Nothing better to do on a nice afternoon...
[Stalin] when you know everything else is all in hand.
Oh it's so relaxing. Oh yes yes
[Stalin] I'm sure nothing can go wrong and I'm
going to have a lovely afternoon doing some drawing
[Stalin] Oh yes. Do this bit here
[Hamish] Oh what you doing boss?
[Stalin] Oh oh Hamish! Um er oh...
Oh nothing! Nothing at all
[Stalin] Yes I'm just here doing evil things yes
Yes just thinking up more evil plans of course
[Hamish] Well it looks like to me
you were doing some drawing
[Stalin] Um er oh...
[Hamish] That can't be right. That's way too girly for you
[Stalin] Yes yes oh no no I wasn't doing that
Oh of course not. No I don't do drawing.
[Stalin] No bad guys don't do drawing. Of course not
[Hamish] Oh of course not no.
[Stalin] No no no. Yes you're right that's far too girly.
[Hamish] I'm not even sure what's that supposed to be?
[Stalin] Oh this? Oh well I think... I think it might be...
Oh yes... It's rubbish isn't it?
[Hamish] Yes
[Stalin] But I think... I think it's supposed to be...
[Stalin] a still life of a bowl of fruit
[Hamish] Really? It looks like a bowl of s*** to me
[Stalin] Oh...
[Hamish] Oh yeah you can see
all the different shapes and sizes.
[Hamish] There's small ****. Large ****.
All different shapes. Och aye.
[Stalin] Oh... HAMISH! Um... Yes you're right!
Oh... Yes it's rubbish isn't it? Yes yes yes
[Stalin] Whoever made this must have been stupid
Yes very stupid or very dumb or...
[Stalin] Look they can't draw at all can they? [Laughs]
[Hamish] It must have been drawn by a stupid girl
[Stalin] Oh yes by some stupid girl. Ah yes it's rubbish.
Yes I hate it. Yes yes
[Hamish] Oh me too boss
[Stalin] Yes yes of course. Oh I definitely wouldn't
[Hamish] Oh the phone's ringing boss
[Stalin] Oh yes. Oh thank you Hamish.
Oh look. It's the hacker.
[Stalin] Oh good. He must be calling with some good news about the USB stick yes yes ok.
[Hacker] Stalin? Is that you?
[Hamish] No! Its Hamish!
[Stalin] Shut Up Hamish!
[Hacker] What? Did you just tell me to shut up?
[Stalin] No! My friend, it is me Stalin, I am here!
[Hamish] And me too me laddy!
[Hacker] Is this line secure?
[Stalin] Yes!
[Hamish] No!
[Hacker] Huh? Look I've got something very important to tell you.
[Stalin] Hamish, I told you to shut up!
Now, sorry about that Mr Hacker, it is me Stalin
[Stalin] I assume you must be calling
about the USB stick that I sent you?
[Stalin] Oh I bet you were happy with that weren’t you?!
[Hacker] What? So you sent me that on purpose?
[Stalin] Oh yes of course! I sent you that lovely USB stick
[Hacker] Lovely? You sent me a USB stick with a...
[Banging On Door]
[Policeman] Open Up! Its the Police! Is anyone there?
[Hamish] Och aye hello M’laddy!
[Stalin] Hamish! What are you doing! Be Quiet!
[Stalin] What are the police doing here?
[Hacker] Did someone say Police?!
[Policeman] I'm sure I heard someone.
Can you come to the door please?
[Stalin]: Umm… no! You didn't hear anything!
There’s no one here!
[Policeman] Well now it sounds like there’s two of you!
[Hamish] Three of us if you count the guy on the phone!
[Hacker] What's going on?! I need to tell you
what has happened! It’s URGENT.
[Policeman] Can someone come to the door
and tell me what’s going on?
[Stalin] Umm… no ones here! I'm ummm.. a smart home!
[Policeman] Really? I didn’t know Alexa was Russian.
[Stalin] Yes that's a good point... No I’m er… Alexei.
Yes Alexei. Yes the Russian Alexa yes
[Hamish] Och aye. No you’re not, you’re Stalin boss!
[Hacker] Listen to ME! There is an Emergency! Code RE-
BANG BANG BANG
[Policeman] Come to the door or I’ll kick it open!
[Stalin] Mr Hacker, I'm sorry.
I have a big problem here too. I need two minutes
[Hamish] Oh no! I think they’ve come to arrest me och aye. They must have saw I was selling the glue earlier.
[Stalin] Oh Hamish! I told you not to bring them here
[Hacker] Am I being arrested??? If I’m being arrested, I’m taking you all down with me!
[Stalin] Calm down Mr Hacker.
[Hamish] Don’t tell me to calm down man!
[Policeman] You will ALL be arrested if you don’t come to the door in the next 30 seconds!
[Stalin] Right yes. Are you looking for a stupid scottish bear by any chance? I think I might know where he is.
[Hacker] Is this how you treat all of your associates?!
[Policeman] What are you talking about?
There’s a bear in the house?
[Hamish] Calm down man! I’m only 5 inches!
[Policeman] I’m calling animal control now!
[Hacker] What’s going on over there?
[Stalin] I don’t know! Could they have traced our virus back to here?!
[Hacker] Virus!? You mean the one you sent m-..
[Stalin] Look I’m dealing with an emergency
[Hamish] Och Aye. Shut Up M’laddy
[Policeman] Did you just tell me to Shut Up?
[Hamish] Yes Stupid pig!
[Stalin] No!
[Policeman] Right thats it!
The reason we are here is because...
[Stalin] Your computers are feeling “poorly”? Oh I bet they are. Received a nice package in the mail did you?
[Hacker] What like the package you sent me!?
[Hamish] Yeah but this one had a virus on it!
[Stalin] Shut up Hamish!
[Policeman] Yes we did receive a package this morning.
[Policeman] That's why we're here.
[Stalin] Ah good, of course it didn't come from here
[Stalin] So I don't know why you're here
[Hamish] Och aye so go away pig!
[Policeman] That’s it. I have a search warrant from court
[Hamish] Wait a minute...
[Policeman] Which I will use if I have to
[Hamish] Oh... yes
[Policeman] Get to the door right now or else...
[Policeman] I will kick the door down...
[Hacker] If you don’t speak to me in the next 20 seconds
[Policeman] and arrest all of you. You have 10 seconds
[Hacker] I'm gonna get my associates...
[Hamish] Then that means...
[Hacker] To find you and stuff you
[Policeman] 10... 9...
[Policeman] 8...
[Hamish] Oh oh boss...
[Hacker] Do you know how much trouble...
[Policeman] 7... 6...
[Hamish] I've got something to tell you
[Hacker] You've caused me
[Stalin] Everybody shut up! Listen to Stalin. Yes
Tell me very clearly what your problems are.
[Cacophny of voices]
[Stalin] No! One at a time.
[Hacker] Your USB stick wiped all my computers!
[Policeman] We got your USB stick full of evidence
[Hamish] Och aye! I screwed up the USB sticks boss.
[Stalin] HAMISH!!!!!
[Hacker] Oh yeah and your USB stick
wiped all your bank accounts. [Laughs]
[Policeman] There you are. I should arrest you for wasting police time. What is your name?
[Hamish] Um er… er… Um. My name is Ham…
Ham… My name’s Jamish Och aye
[Policeman] Jamish? That’s a weird name.
Look are you the homeowner?
[Hamish] No um… She’s in the bathroom at the moment.
[Policeman] Right… of course she is...
[Hamish] Yeah… um.. Och aye... She’s incompetent!
[Policeman] I think you mean incontinent sir…
but ok, so who is the homeowner then?
[Hamish] Um... Her name is Marie and she’s a 97 year old lady from... um.. er…
[Hamish] Oh from Ethiopia!
[Policeman] What? And how do you know her then?
[Hamish] Um… I’m her… Her um….oh!
[Hamish] Oh I'm her son of course! Och aye
Yeah… that makes sense of course.
[Policeman] WHAT? Do you expect me to believe that a SCOTTISH, GINGER, BEAR...
[Policeman] is the son of a 97 year old HUMAN, ETHIOPIAN lady?
[Hamish] Um er um... Yes?
[Policeman] Well...
[Policeman] I do! That all checks out to me. I’ll be on my way then! Thanks so much for coming to the door! Bye!
