

### The Human Soul:

### Denial & Addiction

### By

### Jesus (AJ Miller) &

### Mary Magdalene (Mary Luck)

Published by

Divine Truth, Australia at Smashwords

http://www.divinetruth.com/

Copyright 2015 Divine Truth

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### This ebook is a transcript of a seminar delivered by Jesus (AJ Miller) and Mary Magdalene (Mary Luck) on 22nd July 2012 in Philadelphia, USA, as part of the Human Soul series of talks. In this seminar they discuss how denied emotions within individuals create effects within society, how we use our addictions as a tool for denying our emotions, and how to work through addictions with the assistance of God.

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### Jesus and Mary would like to remind you that any document produced by Divine Truth containing any information from Jesus, Mary or any other person includes only a portion of God's Truth that they have personally discovered.

### It does not and cannot contain the entire of God's Truth since God's Truth is infinite and humankind will forever continue to discover more of God's Truth as we progress in receiving more of God's Love.

### Please remember that due to these limitations information contained within this document may need to be revised in the future.

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Table of Contents

1. Introduction

2. Denied emotions within individuals create societal effects

2.1. America's response to 9/11

2.2. Denial about treatment of children and abortion

2.3. Denial about weapons manufacture and war

2.3.1. Fears that support war and weapons manufacture

2.4. Fears that contribute to the choice to abort a child

2.5. Denial of fear creates unloving actions and decisions

2.6. The soul's emotions create events around us

2.6.1. An example of a woman who was abused attracting abusive men

2.7. To become at-one with God, all denial has to cease

3. The importance of seeing our denial and becoming sensitive

4. Addictions are a major tool for denial

4.1. Addictions and fear must be worked through before we can reach the grief

4.2. Having judgement towards our addictions

4.3. Teaching children about love, the soul, and denied emotions

4.4. Desiring to see our addictions

4.5. Many spirits wish us to stay in denial and addiction

4.6. Desiring to see our addictions (continued)

4.6.1. An example of a lady having an emotion exposed to her as soon as she desired it

5. God's Laws respond perfectly to what is in our soul

5.1. An example of addictive crying

5.2. An example of crying about our soulmate ignoring us

5.3. An example of crying about unmet demands

5.4. Being child-like with our emotions

6. Speaking truth and not engaging addictions in a relationship

6.1. The example of Mary and AJ's relationship

7. Dealing with judgement towards our addictions

8. Emotional processing is simplified when done with God

8.1. It is possible to release all of our emotional error

9. Choosing to feel our fear and grief over our addictions

9.1. AJ's experiences of giving up his addictions

10. The benefits of giving up addictions

11. Closing Words

1. Introduction

There are a couple of subjects we wanted to discuss with you today. The first subject follows on from yesterday's discussion that we had, "The Human Soul - Fear and Addiction", and also with the discussion that I had with a smaller group of people last night at dinner. I know many of you who were actually listening to the discussion last night felt pretty confronted by what I was saying because I was being quite firm about a lot of issues of love that exist around the planet, but particularly in Western cultures, that are major problems with regard to love.

So the subject we'd like to raise with you is part of the Human Soul series of discussions that we've been doing, and we'd like to talk to you about "Denial and Addictions".

2. Denied emotions within individuals create societal effects

To give you a bit of background, in our discussion last night at dinner, I started to raise issues that are very present in Western societies regarding the way in which we remain in denial about certain facts. The facts that we often remain in denial about are all related to the emotions that we're also covering over, and a lot of the times we do not want to know what is really going on. Alternatively we have a lot of very, very large things going on in our society that we feel we are not a part of, but there are emotions within us that actually cause us to be a part of.

2.1. America's response to 9/11

Last night in the discussion we had, I was talking about the emotions that were present in everyone in the room that contributed to America's response to the 9/11 event. Many of you felt that you disagreed with the subsequent chain of events that occurred after 9/11, with the course of action of your government, but the reality is that many of you have an emotion inside of you that agrees with it, while at the same time intellectually you think you're disagreeing with it.

So we talked about the emotions of, for example, desiring safety, desiring economic security, desiring security generally, desiring security from violence, and all of these kind of facts, and how these feelings inside of you cause your government to feel that it can act on your behalf to prevent you from feeling those particular emotions. [00:05:14.02]

Mary: Not just that it can, that it must, actually.

That it must. Yes. And so every single person who has those emotions within them actually contributed to the subsequent events, whether they liked to believe in their head that they did or not. Their soul feelings have caused the contribution to the subsequent events that caused America and other countries like Australia and the UK to join with America and attack Iraq. And what we'd like to do is talk to you today a bit about the denial of that, how none of us want to face up to these kind of facts.

2.2. Denial about treatment of children and abortion

I also raised an issue about how we treat children. In the USA, you have a tendency to feel pride in the way in which you treat children. You feel generally that the country desires to treat children in a loving manner and honours the family, for example. That is a big thing in the USA, is it not? You often have family holidays or holiday events that involve the families getting together, particularly at Thanksgiving or Christmas time. And this is all a part of this facade actually, that you have here in the States generally, that you actually care for children. And I talked about the facade because the reality is almost 50 million children die in your country every year. 50 million children are actually murdered every single year from abortions. [00:06:58.19]

And so I stated how a society can, on one hand, say all these lovely things about how they feel that they love the family, love their children and so forth, and at the same time often the very same people are willing to have an abortion when they have an unwanted pregnancy, which is actually the murder of a child. And then in the subsequent discussion that happened, there started coming up all of the reasons why we think we should get away with that, or all the reasons why we think that such an action, for example abortion, should be allowed in a developed society. And I'm not saying actually that you should stop it. I'm saying there's an emotion within the hearts of the individuals that allow it and unless those emotions in the heart change, people will continue to do it.

Your society is very divided on the issue, is it not? You have one group of people who are militantly opposed to a person having an abortion and then you have another group of people who are almost militantly approving of people having abortion, which some of them call the right to pro-choice. And the right to lifers are the other group; so it's pro-choice and pro-life.

And this is a big conundrum for the society in the end because obviously the pro-lifers believe that there are children being aborted, and therefore being murdered. On the other side you've got the pro-choicers, who feel the woman have the right to determine what happens to her own body and they believe that this developing child in her body, to a certain time in the life, is actually not a child but it's actually a part of her body and that she then should have the right to determine what happens to it. [00:09:05.14]

In addition to that, you have the medical profession analysing these children before they are born and any potential of a defect is a trigger for a potential abortion. So what they do is they do some scans of the child and blood tests for the child and then when they determine there is something "wrong" with the child, and a lot of times they're not accurate, by the way. There is just this potential for something being wrong. They inform the parents and then many of the medical profession get quite insistent that the mother should have an abortion of those particular children because they feel it takes a huge amount of demands upon society that the society could use these resources for other things, other than looking after these children who are potentially damaged in some way.

If you think about it actually it's not very different to creating a master race, is it? We have a lot of condemnation for Hitler, and yet many times our attitudes are still doing much the same thing as what he would have done in terms of selective determination of who has the right to life and who does not.

So these particular things are something we must consider. Now what we do with these particular things generally is we have a lot of denial. We do not want to face what emotions are within us that cause us to be supportive of actions that are actually very unloving in society. Now I'm not suggesting that we need to attack society and force society to have our opinion. I'm not suggesting that you need to create even more laws to prevent people from doing what they wish to do. What I am suggesting is that what is happening in the environment is an indication that there is something wrong in the hearts of the people involved in the environment. And, because we are living in this particular environment, we all need to examine what our part is, what emotion within us plays a part in the creation of these events.

So in the USA, for example, there are around 50 million abortions every year. There are around 250 million abortions around the world every year. And around 50 million of them occur in North America. If you look at the entire Western civilisation that is currently on the Earth, a large majority of abortions occur in those locations. So that's a lot of children, is it not? These are not children that are accidentally dying. They're not children that are dying of malnutrition. They're children that are actually being taken from their life on Earth on purpose. They're being murdered, basically. And that's a lot of murders occurring in one location, which we are mostly in denial of. [00:12:17.02]

Almost every woman who does have an abortion goes through a lot of trauma after the abortion but of course, because they did want the child to be aborted, they also have a lot of denial about the particular feelings they have after the abortion has occurred. We know some people in the Western world that have had 36 abortions or around that figure. And we know another woman who has had 20 abortions. So that's quite a lot of abortions to occur.

Many of the people who are involved in abortion do not understand the effect upon the soul of the child and the pain that the child itself experiences. And they do not understand either the effect upon their own soul because it actually turns them into a murderer, and so then there is a large effect on their own soul negatively as well. So many of these women who have lived relatively moral and good lives all of their life on Earth arrive in the spirit world in a place of darkness, wondering why they've arrived there. And the reason why they wonder is because they've been in denial about the actual abortion, about what they've done.

Now I've given a series of interviews about abortion with a lady who had had abortions in Australia, so I don't want to cover that particular subject specifically. What I'm using it for is an illustration of what happens inside of us emotionally to cause these particular things. And oftentimes we are in complete denial of what is really going on, what's the underlying thing that causes us to consider an act of violence towards another person, or causes us to desire an act of violence perpetrated towards another person from a government. So in other words what causes us to desire our government to go and do something about somebody.

Now in this discussion, as I've said, I'm not recommending that we create more laws to control people because in the end people will do what they want, in the long run. They will finish up doing it either under the table, as they saying goes, or in the black market or something like that or openly, depending on whether the society allows it or does not allow it. If the society allows it, then the actions are often taken openly. For this reason here in the States you have even clinics that have only been created for the purpose of having abortions.

2.3. Denial about weapon manufacture and war

On the other hand, and also you have a very large army. In fact the largest, pretty close to the largest army in the world. I think the Chinese army is still a bit larger. So you have a very large army. [00:15:10.20]

Mary: A lot of weapons manufacture.

And a lot of weapons manufacture. Last night we then talked about weapons and manufacture of weapons. One third of your economy is dependent upon the manufacture of weapons. So that means in this particular audience if you stopped manufacturing weapons here in North America, one third of you would lose your houses, one third of you would not be able to eat, one third of you would not be able to have enough clothes to wear, one third of you wouldn't have a car. Can you imagine the impact that would have on your society? Just taking all of that money out of your economy. [00:15:48.09]

So your economy and even your day-to-day life is dependent upon arms manufacture. Now where do these arms get sold to or used upon? Do they get used here in the States primarily? No, they don't. They get used overseas. They get sold to Third World countries generally or they get used upon Third World countries. They get used upon countries that cannot fight back most of the time. And huge amounts of our economic welfare have come from the production of these particular arms manufacturing. I think in your economy I think there's something like a trillion dollars spent every single few days on arms manufacture. I don't know the exact figure now but I remember in the 1990s there was something like 3 or 4 trillion dollars spent on arms manufacture every year, and now of course it's much higher than that.

Now when you compare all of these things, and you ask yourself the question, "Well how can these particular things happen in a so called loving society?" The only way they can happen is by the society being in denial. That's the only way they can happen. And they have to occur by our emotions being in relative agreement to these particular events. Now let's look at the arms manufacture issues. Many of you would say, here in your mind, "I don't agree with arms manufacture." Many of you by now might even say, "I don't even agree with war." Here, in your head, that's what you say. [00:17:40.11]

But if your family was being threatened by another person, would you fight back?

Now many of you would fight back if put in that situation, which is an emotion inside of you which actually contributes to the whole idea of going to war. In addition, how many of you would be willing to lose your current financial position completely? Many of you are so stressed out about losing it that you'll even prostitute yourself in your day-to-day job because you don't want to lose your current financial position. Now what if you had to lose your current financial position because the whole country decided that they'll be no more arms manufacture, and all of a sudden all those people involved in those jobs got laid off? Then there are all the supporting jobs, like all the metal that's used, and all of the materials that are used in arms manufacture; all of those jobs would be severely affected. Then there'd be a whole process of who can pay for food and how much welfare that you need to be involved in. And all of those jobs would all be affected. And before you knew it, your job would be affected, whether you liked it or not. When you cut a third of a country's economy out, it's a huge effect on the entire country.

Now how many of you would be willing to support such a choice by your government? You say that, but the emotion in you is not saying that. For example, you put your hand up with that, but you've said to me how stressed out you are about money and how stressed out you are about not having enough and having to work in a job that you don't like. That emotion is contributing to arms manufacture. So you're putting up your hand and there is a lot of hypocrisy in what you're doing right now. [00:19:36.24]

Participant: But I so agree with so much of what you're saying.

I know you agree with it here, in your head, but your soul does not agree with it.

Participant: But what I would try to do is have the government divert that money that is used for arms to feeding the people who don't have jobs or creating jobs. Or try to work towards that.

2.3.1. Fears that support war and weapons manufacture

Yeah but that's what you say and this is what you're not getting. The emotion in you is saying something completely different. If I can talk specifically with your emotions if you don't mind, these are some fears you have. One fear you have is of economic disaster. This is why you work in a job you don't like. Now this fear is saying to the world around you, "Don't make my life more difficult economically." That's what it's saying. That's the emotion coming out of you.

Now any choice the government now makes, anybody in the government is going to feel this particular emotion coming from you. And they're going, "Okay, we can't be honest with the people anymore. We're feeling their emotions." Look at what happens here with the government if you have a downturn in the economy. How long does that government last when there's a downturn in the economy? The next election it's gone, generally, and the reason why is because many Americans and most of you here in the audience have this fear of economic disaster. Ironically you are in the end going to create economic disaster for your country by having this emotion.

So you're not being honest when you put up your hand and say this is what I think when at the same time there's a feeling coming out of you that is very, very different. This is what denial is. What you just illustrated is denial by not seeing that this emotion, this fear of economic disaster, contributes to the actual event. So this fear contributes to war.

You're not seeing it, so therefore you're in denial of it. And if you don't see it you can't change it. Does everyone see that? If you don't see it, you cannot change it. You cannot change what you do, if you don't see what you're doing. [00:21:59.13]

And this is what everybody thinks. Everybody thinks that you can think something and things should change. And this is not how God's universe works. In God's universe, all of the things that are attracted are based on what you feel, not on what you think. What you're attracting right now in your life is based on you what feel, not on what you think. This is why the whole concept that people have given you about the Law of Attraction, that I can think my way into prosperity does not work. Many of you have tried it, and you know it doesn't work. You can't think your way into prosperity because in the end there are feelings inside of you.

Remember yesterday, in the discussion "The Human Soul - Fear and Addiction" I asked what happens if money comes away from your life? How would you feel? And remember we listed probably thirty different feelings, and in my opinion we didn't even really list all of the things that we needed to list because there are a huge amount of issues that we have with trust with God and all sorts of issues as well that we could have listed. So the reality is every one of those emotions that we listed yesterday about money contributes to this fear of economic disaster. And that contributes to a country making a choice to go to war to create more economic prosperity.

And how does it create more economic prosperity? By two things. It generates work in the country that goes to war and it also generates the raping of another country's resources. So it actually creates prosperity in two different ways. And while we may say that we do not support it, emotionally we are supporting it if we have that emotion in us. As soon as that emotion is present, we are automatically supporting it. Does everyone understand that relationship? So we can put up our hand and we can go, "No, I don't agree with this and I don't agree with that," while exactly at the same time, inside of us emotionally we have the feeing, that supports that particular thing. [00:24:14.05]

2.4. Fears that contribute to the choice to abort a child

So for example what would be the feeling that would support a person having an abortion? If you can analyse things a little bit more deeply, this will help you a lot to see what feelings create what events. They're all fears, obviously, so let's list the kind of fears that might be present with a person who has an abortion.

Participant: It could be a feeling of entitlement.

Entitlement of what, Marina?

Participant: To get rid of a child. Like, "It's my right to do that."

But why would you feel that you have a right?

Mary: What do you feel entitled to?

Participant: Like, having that choice.

Mary: What does that choice give you?

Participant: Like when you make a mistake and you can undo the wrong, that sort of thing.

Well doesn't the choice give you a sense that you have control?

Participant: Right. It's control.

When you're pregnant, how do you feel?

Participant: Out of control.

Out of control if you don't want the pregnancy; you feel out of control. And unfortunately you feel out of control not just right at the moment but you're going to be out of control for the next 20 years. That's how it feels. So the fear is having no control of your life. That causes you to desire having control, which means desire to have choice even when there potentially might not be a choice if you look at it from a love perspective.

Participant: Not being able to take care of the child?

Okay, so what's that all about?

Participant: Well I think it depends on the circumstance.

So there might be an emotional feeling that you're not prepared emotionally to support or care for, or love, a child. Or it could be a physical feeling related to your welfare economically where you feel like, "I can't support a child. I don't have enough money coming in to support a child." Or it could be that you don't have the partner.

Participant: It could be all of the above.

It could all of these. So what are all of those though? If we add them all together, they are all fears, but what kind of fears? What's the underlying feeling? So let's look at the fear of not having a partner. What's that all about? We can be general but we need to be a bit more specific I feel. So okay, you feel alone, You're going to be supporting this child, bringing up a child that you don't know anything about, and you never had one before perhaps, or you've got a couple of them and you're already struggling, and you just feel like you're the only one doing it. [00:26:59.02]

Participant: Or maybe you're not feeling able to even to take care of yourself. You have those fears, which is to add on the additional challenge.

So my life's already a mess and it's going to be more of a mess once the child comes along. Yes? Okay. Can you see how we could list hundreds, couldn't we?

Mary: Could we list a few because there's a few kickers that I feel everyone has.

Sure.

Mary: Because some of the ones that you listed are not the most major ones. I have heard a lot from people that they feel inadequate to care for the child. They feel helpless. What's another huge one if you've gone to bed with someone and now you're pregnant with their child? There's a huge fear that comes up for lots of women.

Participant: I was thinking shame but in a different way. Even shame around family and other people that you might have relationships with.

Mary: Yeah, there's an even bigger one.

Participant: You don't want to feel like you're going to trap someone?

Mary: No.

Participant: Maybe that you don't want to be connected to that person for the rest of your life.

Mary: Yes.

Exactly.

Mary: That is a huge feeling that a lot of people use to justify an abortion.

So why did you have sex? If you didn't want to be connected with the person for the rest of your life, why did you even have sex with the person? You got to start questioning that, don't you? Obviously you didn't like the person that much, so why did you have sex? That was obviously a selfish act to get certain justification or certain satisfaction sexually, but you were willing to make that sacrifice. But now that you're pregnant and you don't want a connection to the person so you feel like, "This child is a connection to the person. This child means I'm going to be reminded of that person. Let's get rid of the child so that way I can stay in denial that I even had sex with this person I didn't like." [00:28:48.14]

Mary: "And I don't have to work out any issues with that person."

"I don't have to work out any emotional issue with that person. I don't have to even be reminded of the fact that I had sex with somebody I was ashamed of being with."

Mary: There's another huge one that a lot of women have around their relationship with men and their relationship with their body. And violence towards them. [00:29:12.22]

Any ideas?

Participant: Shame?

Mary: Yeah, shame. Well I'll just say what I'm thinking about. Like a lot of women have a feeling that, "It's not fair that I have to get pregnant from sex. It's not fair that I have to carry the child. It's not fair that I have to be the mother." And also there's a lot of carried emotion in both men and women about how women have been treated historically around sex. And so a lot of rage in the pro-choice camp is all about the fact that not what's happening now, it's about what's happened in the past, and lots of us have that emotion in us. And that supports this pro-choice idea a lot on the planet that women have been harmed through sex for a long time and they should be able to now be angrily in control of what happens to their body.

Mary: So a lot of these feelings we all carry and because our soul is the most powerful thing about us, not our mind and the belief system we have, coming out of our soul is this huge feeling towards other women that, "No, you're right, we should be able to be in control here." And all of us actually feel powerless and out of control. And because we don't want to feel that, we want addictions, we want denial, so we go, "No, I'm a pro-choicer because that's the right thing to... you know, that's the good viewpoint to have."

A lot of pro-choice is really about rage with men not taking responsibility for the sexual act. A lot of it's about that, for example. So there's a lot of rage with the opposite sex. Have you noticed that when you're enraged you don't think very clearly? So you don't go, "Oh, maybe I'm killing somebody," because you don't even think clearly enough to know that you're even doing that. When you're enraged there's this terrible justification inside of you for an action that you're in total denial of the fact that it's unloving.

2.5. Denial of fear creates unloving actions and decisions

Mary: And I suppose that's the point you're making, isn't it? A lot of us feel, "I love children. I hate war. I would never participate in harming children or being involved in a war." But when we talk about the emotions that actually drive those things happening in our society, they've got nothing to do with children and war and everything to do with fears that we don't want to feel. And so because terror and fear seem to be so insurmountable to us, something we will never conquer, that's our false belief, we immediately can start to justify things that with our rational mind, and even some place inside of us we feel, "Oh that's wrong." But because fear seems so big and we want to be in denial of it, we can internally justify a lot of actions that are actually very unloving.

That's really the point of what I'm getting to here. In Western civilisation, we actually have greater fears than other civilisations. So what we finish up doing is we create laws to circumvent the fear. We create attitudes in the society to allow for the fear to occur and in addition we then, due to these fears, create events. Our soul is creating events that support our fears. So when a government takes a specific action they are often feeling the fear of the society that they govern and then they take an action based on the sum total of all of those fears. [00:33:14.04]

And this is the issue we face. We then, if you think about it, all bear a responsibility for what is happening if the emotion exists within us. And for the majority of us, the emotion does exist within us because we haven't addressed the fear at all. We've just sort of made out that it's not there. We haven't actually felt it and had it actually removed from our soul. And as a result the fear is still within our soul creating these events that we intellectually condemn. We're hypocrites because until we can see that this fear inside of me, this soul-based feeling inside of me that still exists, is creating the event that's negative that's out of harmony with love. We are actually being hypocritical while we're telling ourselves, "I am not a part of that," while at the same time we have feelings that make us a part of it. We are being hypocritical in the analysis.

And so what we do, and this is the thing that we always finish up doing, is we go, "Okay, there's no such thing even as the soul. There's no such thing even as the emotions creating events. There's no such thing." Do you see what we do? We finish up being totally resistive to accepting any of God's Truth about the soul because if we accept the truths about the soul, then we've got to accept that the soul creates events, and then we've got to accept that, "If I have a certain feeling in my soul that support those particular events, then I'm a contributor to something that I don't even like." And rather than actually go through the acceptance of that and then work through these specific emotions that are involved with that, what we do instead is we go, "No, there's no such thing as a soul. There's no such thing as these emotions. I don't even have them in me." That's what we do. [00:35:13.03]

2.6. The soul's emotions create events around us

And that helps us get out of the fact that it's in there, creating, creating, creating new things. All of our soul-based emotions are creating new things. Now if they're fear-based soul emotions, can you see they're going to be creating a lot of negative things? And if they're loving, truth based desires, can you see they'll be creating a lot of positive things?

And this is where we do not understand the power of our own soul. We do not understand that while we're thinking one thing our soul can be feeling and creating a completely different thing. This is why psychologists have come up with the concept of the subconscious mind. Why does a person keep gravitating back to the same event over and over again? Because the soul has feelings in it that is pushing them into those events even when their mind says, "I don't want to be here."

2.6.1. An example of a woman who was abused attracting abusive men

For example, why does a woman who was abused during her childhood by her father or someone else, or who has certain feelings about her father, why does she finish up attracting abusive men in relationships, one after the other? When in her head she's saying, "I don't want these men. Why do I keep getting these kind of men?" Because she's in complete denial of the emotion that is creating the event. If she knew the emotion existed that was creating the event, do you think she'd be wise to actually release the emotion? And then she would never attract one of those abusive men again. [00:36:55.14]

She would walk in the door and be able to go, "Bang, bang, bang, bang. All of those people are all abusive men." She'd be able to feel every single abusive man in any environment if she released the emotion. But because she's in total denial of the emotion, what does she do instead? She walks in the door, and because she's in total denial of the emotion she actually attracts exactly the men that intellectually she's saying we doesn't want but here, in her soul, her soul's going, "I need this guy so that I can become aware that I've got a problem inside of my soul, to become aware that I've got a fear and that I've got some issues I have to deal with inside of my soul. And once I release these issues then I won't keep on honing in on these particular guys."

But instead of doing that, she says, "Oh these guys are all bastards, it's all their fault. And I've got no idea why I'm attracting these guys. It must mean that every guy on the planet is a bastard." And after a while she actually believes that because every guy she attracts is a person who eventually abuses her and she's not focusing on the fact of why. So she remains in denial. This is what we do.

2.7. To become at-one with God, all denial has to cease

Denial is a very powerful tool that we use to get rid of emotion. We use it to stop ourselves from experiencing emotions we need to feel if we're ever going to grow. If we're ever going to get closer to God, all of our denials have to be gone. All of them. Do you think God's going, "You want a relationship with me, but actually you're totally willing to destroy one of my children any time this particular emotion is triggered." So in the case of a fear of a person who's considering abortion, "Any time this rage with men is triggered, you're willing to kill one of my children." This is what's God's thinking.

Now do you think you could ever be at-one with God while that emotion exists? Of course not. And yet if you remain in denial that it exists, can you see that you just finish up stagnating yourself? You finish up wrapping yourself up in this self-delusional cocoon and feeling like, "No, I'm going good. Everything's right in my life. I'm really good," and you start feeling like a sense of arrogance about your own life. But in the end all these fears are really dictating what's going on in your relationship with God, in your relationship with everyone else and in your relationship with yourself.

You're shutting down emotion after emotion after emotion, which is the same as shutting down your soul. You're shutting down your soul. You're selectively trying to experience emotions, so you're trying to have nice emotions while you have these other emotions and because we try to shut down these other ones, we think we can selectively shut them down, and we can't. And so what happens is we eventually go numb. We go depressed. Why do you think around 20% or so of women in highly developed societies are on anti-depressant medication? Why do you think that is? It's because we're in a lot of denial of a lot of emotion. That's why it is. These are all the effects of denial.

3. The importance of seeing our denial and becoming sensitive

So now what Mary wants to do is join denial up with addictions. Because if you think about it, there are reasons why your addictions are maintained, which Mary wants to discuss with you. And they are all related to the desire to remain in denial. So until we become honest about our denial we are going to struggle to become honest about our addictions.

Mary: Right. I'll take the wheel. AJ was so inspired right then, does everyone need a breath because it was quite intense, isn't it? Yeah, so let's breathe.

Actually I was thinking that last night that's how many of you felt, like you needed to have a breather from the discussion we had.

Mary: I think God designed the truth to be overwhelming. That way it grabs our attention and we go, "Whoa." (Laughs)

Can I just say before Mary begins that actually we're not trying to condemn you here. So there's a feeling in some of you of condemnation. But we're not trying to condemn you; we're trying to help you see, to become aware. Because if you cannot become aware, it's going to be very, very difficult to ever get close to God, to get close to yourself, to actually have a happy life. Without awareness it's impossible.

So what we're trying to do is to sort of hit you between the eyes with a sledgehammer so that you become aware. And the reason why we want to do that is because without this kind of awareness it's impossible to continue growing. You need to become so aware that you can feel every single thing inside of yourself that contributes to worldwide events, if you really want to grow. [00:43:02.24]

Mary: Yeah. And I suppose that's a fear that I've heard reflected from a few different people this weekend, is about sensitivity. Because really what we're encouraging you towards is a very sensitive place. We're talking about denial and addiction, which are the things that keep us numb, and underneath that is the wealth of emotion that you've been shutting down since you were conceived nearly. But even if you consider when you were a child, you were far more sensitive and wide open to the world and you could easily discern when something was loving and not.

Mary: Many of you feel so hurt from your experiences at that time and they're emotions that you're going to have to grieve through. But the fear is, "I can't even face how hurt I was from that time, let alone go back to a time when I'm just as sensitive again and I can feel everything around me." But that is what we're encouraging you to do because actually the fear is telling you something false. The bad stuff happened, or the judgement or the condemnation of that place, happened when you were little and there's pain in there to feel and release about that. But you're an adult now, so you're able to be a little more in control of what happens in your life, or to make choices about what happens in your life. And so you're going to be able to respond in a more sensitive way just like AJ was explaining; you'll be able to discern every one in the room who's going to potentially harm you, and make good decisions from that place, rather than trusting as when you were little. You didn't know how to trust these feelings inside of yourself, and many people told you they were silly. And so this is where is all the doubt came in and you ended up trusting people, or being under the control of people who actually harmed you.

Mary: If you're brave enough to go back to the sensitivity now as an adult, your life will be so much more joyful. At the moment living in denial and addiction, that's where the numbness is. That's where we're feeling like, "Where is the joy in my life? Where is the part of my life where I just want to sing?" Because that's what you felt like when you were little and were doing something you really loved; singing and skipping and that kind of joy, that's a kind of joy that God designed for us to have. It's just that we're world weary right now because we're holding onto so much stuff. [00:45:29.23]

4. Addictions are a major tool for denial

Mary: Okay, so I wanted to just talk a little bit more about addiction, from my own experience, following on from yesterday. There's a huge relationship I see between denial and addiction. Lots of you got a good taste of what AJ was talking about in terms of denial; it's where we just really don't want to see what's inside of our soul. One of the main ways we use to support that place inside of us, is by going into addiction. God, in His beautiful loving wisdom, is bringing us events all the time to help us see what's inside of us but because we want to stay in denial, we go, "How can I avoid this? How can I get a feeling that's not scary or sad, but a happy one? I'll create an addiction. I'll create some relationship with people or my environment that will help me avoid this strange stirring up thing that's happening as I walk through my life."

Mary: So I see a big relationship between denial and addiction and really as you come out of denial, the first thing you're going to see is all the addictions that you've been using to support your denial.

Mary: And I've had a few discussions with people privately about them feeling frustrated about, "I'm not getting to my tears. I know that grief is the healing emotion. I'm not crying for hours at a time. How am I going to get anywhere on this path?" And the truth is for everyone on the planet, because we're all basically in some level of denial and addiction, most of us in a deep level of it, the truth is when we start our real soul work we are going to be dealing mainly with addiction. And that means we're not going to be crying causal tears. We're going to be crying, "I want what I want!" tears. "This really hurts this changing and becoming sensitive again." [00:47:35.07]

Mary: And so I always want to say to people, "Don't beat yourself up if you feel like you haven't like hit five causals in the last five days (Laughs) because I see that as a culture that grows out there, because of some other emotional injuries inside of us, of not wanting to feel helpless, not wanting to feel hopeless, not wanting to feel like we're not getting anywhere, we all then start going, "Did you cry? How much have you cried today? Yeah I think I hit a causal, it was really deep. It was about my mum." All this kind of language starts happening and we want to feel like we're getting somewhere but the truth is in the beginning we're just going to be looking at so much addiction. And it's going to be that feeling you all just had when AJ just told you about two major things that are happening on the planet, and how our own emotions support them. It's like a "wow" feeling.

Mary: And then you start getting used to seeing one level of the addiction and the denial and then God brings you something else to show you and it's like, "Wow. There's even more in there. There's so much I'm denying." And if we can get used to that, that kind of process, and recognise that that is actually taking steps, that's the beginning of our soul work, then we're going relax a lot more about this. We're going to get more relaxed about what's happening. And you can't actually start your real soul growth until you deal with addiction. And for me, for a long time, I really didn't like that truth. Because we know how it all sits inside of us. There's grief, and we've heard it's the healing emotion. And when we do connect with grief, we can feel like, "Wow, that's a relief. I feel a changed person. That was good." So we start to think, "Okay, grief is where I've got to go and I'm a little bit more okay with that."

Mary: But on top of grief is all our terror and I'm going to call it terror because all of us have terror, plus fear. (Laughs) And on top of that is where we create these things; addiction, denial and our anger comes into play. So after AJ's discussion with some of you last night, we went home and we could feel quite a bit of anger in spirits who were attached to you guys, going, "Rrrrr! We don't like that you've just exposed all this stuff in these people. We want them to stay in denial and addiction so we can keep control."

Layers of emotions within our souls

Mary: So anger is a part of this process, and that's something else I want to say to you; anger is going to happen. And most of us are judging our anger so much. We judge the fact that, "Yeah, I do feel really angry with men. I do want to have control over other men so they can't control me." That's an emotion that exists in most women on the planet right now. "And I'm going to keep my heart closed to him because if I open it and he treats me badly I'll hurt and I don't want to have that." So that's an emotion that most women carry.

4.1. Addictions and fear must be worked through before we can reach the grief

Mary: And most of us would prefer, "No, I want to feel grief that dad hurt me." But because we can intellectually make the leap between that addiction and the fact that, "I've got some grief with dad in feeling like he wasn't there," we all just try to hit this grief and not deal with the fact that actually, "I've got a huge addiction to maintaining control in my marriage. I've got a huge addiction to feeling like I'm kind of powerful and in control as a woman." [00:51:27.13]

Mary: All these addictions are what we have to work through, and I just want to stress it to you guys so much because I've tried to do it another way. I have tried! (Laughs) I've had a soulmate pointing it out to me; I've had God's Laws bringing me so many examples in a week just to show me, "I actually want control here. I'm actually quite angry with men." And then I've gone, "Well I know, anger, fear, under that's grief. If I just get to grief, that whole other pile will just be gone." It doesn't work that way because, as AJ said yesterday, under emotion is emotion. And under that emotion is more emotion. Even if we emotionally connect to the addiction and then intellectually go, "Ah, this is about pain with dad," and then feel the grief, it's never going to work. It's never going to work. We're going to have to feel our addiction, then we've done that, we will start to feel our fear. And if we're humble to that, then we'll start to feel grief. We can't do it any other way.

Mary: Trying to do it any other way has only created so much more pain for me in my life, and that's why I wanted to stress it to you guys. Because many of you have probably seen the sleep state discussion I gave, and that was all about me, for three years, recognising, "I have an addiction to not feeling powerless. I have an addiction to not feeling shame. I have an addiction to having control over my relationship and over men." And intellectually going, "Yep, I've got to deal with that." But really emotionally I was saying, "I don't want to look at those things. I don't even want to even acknowledge that they exist inside of me. I do not want them to be there. I judge myself if they're there." Emotionally that's what was happening for me the whole time. Or I tried to have a little cry about it or tried to connect to it. It was all intellectual and it didn't change my soul at all. And it only put me further in denial and I created a whole series of other events that caused me a lot of pain and a lot more shame and eventually brought me to the realisations of what was inside of me. But I could have done it a very different way. [00:53:55.00]

4.2. Having judgement towards our addictions

Mary: I could have done it in a way where I recognised my addiction in the first instance, and I said, "Okay, my block here is that I judge this about myself. If I can just work through the judgement I have about myself about these sexual issues, then I'm going to start to really work on this addiction and work on my desire to actually be free of it." Then I would just be in the place that I'm actually in now, which is actually experiencing fear about those things. And once I did that, I would not be acting in addiction or denial, causing more harm to my soul or to other people's souls. But because I judged it, because I thought, "No I can't see this about myself. I can't really be that bad a person," that was my judgement of it, I then created more and more events and God had to bring me more and more events to help expose that inside of me.

Mary: And that was because I wanted also to feel like I was getting somewhere. I felt I needed to be better than I was. I felt I had a role and all these other emotions that I didn't want to face also. So there is so much power in just right now recognising, "Maybe I'm not as evolved as I think I am. Maybe I'm living in huge amounts of denial and addiction because, hey, I live in the Western world, and it's pretty much geared around these two things." Our whole society is geared to help us remain in denial or addiction. So if I'm looking at that logically and realistically, I'm probably in a lot of denial and addiction. Then if I look at the people around me, and I can see they've got pain in their lives about these things, perhaps I might have some addictions that are helping me avoid that pain.

Mary: If we can get to that place emotionally and say, "Okay, addiction is where I'm going to have to start. Emotion is going to be beneath emotion, not thought, and if I'm just willing to look at addictions and work through these emotions of judgement I have at myself, then I start my soul work. Then it begins. Not before." [00:56:14.18]

Participant: I feel I'm the step above, that the denial is starting to fade. And how do you work on the judgement of the addictions? Because that's where I am.

Mary: I just had to begin to recognise that I'm treating myself in a way that God is not even treating me. So it began almost as an intellectual process of, "Okay, I'm recognising addiction inside of myself and then I'm just judging it, and that's actually shutting me down. It's actually self-punishment," which is something I learnt in my childhood to help me placate people around me into thinking that I was a nice person again. But also I recognised that as an addiction also in that helped me avoid what was really going on. So every time I saw an addiction, I would just berate myself for being a bad person, and that just got me way from what I was really afraid of.

Can I add something there too, babe? There are two primary problems with judgement of our addictions. The first one is that we're not recognising that God only creates good things. So the reality is that all of us here, no matter what our addictions are, at the core of us, is just a good thing. Only a good thing in fact. And that's what God created, that's what God's trying to lead us back to, that good thing that God created.

So the first belief that we need to reinforce in ourselves when we have trouble with recognising our addictions and being open about them is that God didn't create a bad thing here. These bad things that are in me came from somewhere else. They're not a part of my core self. I feel what happens for a lot of people is that they believe the badness is a part of their core self, and so that's one of the reasons why they don't want to recognise it.

The second thing I feel that creates it as well is this feeling of, "I'm somehow flawed", and that's the reason why I have this particular addiction. And what we're not doing there is we're not recognising how the addiction arrived in our soul. How it arrived in our soul was through events that usually occurred from the age of seven and below in our life; that's how it arrived in our soul. So it actually arrived in our soul through events related to the environment up until a certain point in time and then our choices that we made from those events later of course contributed to the addiction now being in our soul. But the core reasons are all related to our environment. [00:59:08.16]

And so what we have a tendency of doing I feel is blaming ourselves, when the reality is the environment created these addictions and if you had grown up in an environment with no addiction then how likely would it be that you have these addictions? The likelihood would be quite remote.

The third thing I feel we need to do with those two things that I've just mentioned is understand that unfortunately even though the environment has created these particular addictions, and even though God did not create them inside of us and we're pristine inside, we need to just find that pristine person. Even though those two truths are true, the only person who can feel anything about that's inside of ourselves is ourselves. So even though other people have been responsible for the creation of the badness, if you like, or the evil emotions that exist within ourselves, only we ourselves can actually clear it out now by choice. We need to take an action ourselves.

And I feel once we understand those particular things, and remind ourselves of it, because there are going be times when you feel bad, certainly, because it's terrible when you notice certain things inside of yourself that are unloving, but what we need to do is remind ourselves, "God never created me this way. And I can return to the person God created by taking responsibility for what's in me, even though other people have created it, and feeling my way through it so that I can release it." And then you'll have far less blame of self in the process. [01:00:55.13]

4.3. Teaching children about love, the soul, and denied emotions

Participant: You were saying about the seven years old and the bad emotions being created in them, why don't they have something in the schools where they teach parents how to raise children?

Well I feel that's a wonderful question. The problem is that most people don't know anything about the soul. They don't know the effect that the parents' emotions have on their child. They think that parenting's all about actions rather than emotions. And this is a primary misunderstanding of society about how things actually work inside of the human soul. Because there is this basic misunderstanding, or even no knowledge at all about that particular thing on the planet, then even if we went to school to learn how to be a parent, we wouldn't learn how these emotions arrived in the child. And that's the core thing we need to learn. And so I feel what we need to have is teachers who firstly learn that themselves and then actually start this process of teaching parents that the real creator of the child's problems, physical as well as emotional, are all related to the denied emotions in the parents and the environment.

And if we did that, then teaching the child that and teaching the parent how to parent would be a fantastic way of clearing away. And if you think about it, if you taught the entire generation of new parents those particular truths, the next generation of children would be greatly freed of emotional burdens and then imagine what the following generation would be like? It's almost unimaginable. Within two to three generations we could potentially have children having no emotional injuries whatsoever when they're being born and no emotional injuries between the ages of zero to seven. Imagine what kind of children they would be.

But unfortunately we need to firstly understand on a large society level how important the soul is, how these emotions are transmitted from parent to child, and how that determines what happens to the child. [01:03:26.19]

4.4. Desiring to see our addictions

Participant: I was just thinking that for myself and it seems like the people around me, sometimes it's hard to actually recognise what your addictions are because some of them aren't glaringly obvious, like substances and food. I was wondering if you could talk a little bit about the other kinds of addictions that you have which are not as obvious? Because it seems like you have to know what your addictions are first.

Mary: That knowledge is about a desire to step out of denial. When you want to see, you will begin to see. And that's an emotional place that you reach. And this is another way I feel many people engage their intellect with the teaching and not their heart. They think, "Okay, I hear what they're saying about addiction, what could mine be?" But there's no actual heart desire to know what they are. So there's a process of developing desire that must happen within you. Because believe me they become more and more glaringly obvious (laughs), the more you want that.

Mary: And God is showing you literally in every moment of every day. His desire is that we see it, that we know ourselves. He knows that's the start. That's how we start to know ourselves; by seeing how we're avoiding ourselves through addiction. So I feel the real answer is actually about developing desire. I could list lots of emotional addictions, and I listed a few yesterday, but they play out in relationships in many, many different ways. For yourself, Liz, there's lot of feelings about wanting to have control with men for example, and having a sense of needing to have a sense of yourself through your mediumship.

Mary: So there's many things but at the moment you're intellectually saying, "Yeah, maybe I can see some of that," but your heart is still possibly in the place that Francine's talking about of, "How am I going to judge myself if I actually realise these things emotionally about myself?" Would you add to that, babe?

Yeah. The importance of desire can't be underestimated. The instant you have a pure desire to know an addiction will be the instant that God shows you the addiction. It's quite simple. God always answers prayers and prayers are always based on pure desire. So we can say, "I want to know what my addictions are," while at exactly the same time saying, in our soul, "I don't want to know what my addictions are. I want them all met. I want them all to be satisfied. That's what I really want." Even the honesty of, "I want them all satisfied," would be better than going, "I really want to know what my addictions are."

When you have that time of a pure desire, and particularly if you direct that to God, that's now a prayer and if it's pure it will always be answered instantly. So if you're praying to God to help you expose your addictions, and in the course of the day no addictions get exposed to you, then that is an indication that you are not being sincere in your prayer with God.

Mary: One of the hardest things for me to realise has been, "Wow every time in the past when I felt good, that was actually me in an addiction." So there was a lot of pain in recognising, "Wow I'm going to have to give up all these times when I actually feel safe, liked, secure, loved, all those things." But during that process, during that kind of realising and desiring to actually see, because your soul is becoming more sensitive, we are becoming more sensitive to what's really going on inside of us, it also begins to feel a bit icky when you then engage with someone in what is actually an addiction as you're just waking up to this process.

Mary: You walk away feeling like, "Yeah. I don't feel so good anymore. I feel like we just sort of stroked each other's egos maybe but it doesn't feel like we had a heart connection. It doesn't feel like I was even myself then." That's the sensitivity growing. That's how you know your desire is growing, to actually see these things, because you begin to feel in day-to-day life, "Oh, yeah that would have made me feel really good in the past but now I feel a bit like something's off. What is really going on in that relationship with that person?" That kind of thing. [01:08:15.23]

4.5. Many spirits wish us to stay in denial and addiction

Participant: This is a question about what you said about after dinner with the spirits projecting angrily at you. What benefit do they feel they receive by having us stay in addictions? I've understood what you've mentioned with regards to spirits prompting relationships because they get that feed, and also when it comes to alcohol and drugs.

Mary: Yeah, well I think a few of the things that you've just mentioned are quite important. So many spirits like people to remain in a state of denial and addiction so that they can actually continue to meet their addictions and remain in denial of their own soul themselves, even though they've now passed. They still don't have this heart desire that I was talking to Liz about to actually see and know themselves. So when you're engaged in a situation with a group of men, and you are in an addiction where you get to feel attractive or powerful or whatever, a whole bunch of other women can be with you going, "Yeah, this feels good. I like what she's doing here. Continue there, Marina," because they're in the same addiction.

Mary: Just because they've lost their physical body doesn't mean they've actually wanted to step down in this process of working through their addictions, terror and fear, and grief. So if two people meet and it looks like maybe the spirits can manipulate their addictions to have them have a sexual relationship, that feels nice if I get to be present during that and I'm a spirit. I get to feel things that, due to my current position in the spirit world, I can't engage in any more. So let's keep them in their addictions, keep them doing those things.

Mary: That's kind of a minute thing. It actually gets far more sinister if you take it out even further when you start to talk about whole countries and wars and economic systems. There are a lot people in the spirit world who are still very addicted to a sense of power, a sense of domination over others, and they're very involved in manipulating things that happen on a global level to feed those addictions inside of themselves. [01:10:40.21]

4.6. Desiring to see our addictions (continued)

Can I also mention co-dependence? What most people don't realise is that the only people they attract are the people who are willing to be in co-dependence with them about addiction. When we're in denial of our addictions, almost our entire life is about co-dependencies. So we end up attracting another person into our life who's the exact mirror, or sympathetic, to our addiction. So in other words Mary gives me the addiction I want and I'm willing to give her the addiction she wants. Both of us want to be in denial that we even have an addiction, and we're going to feel fantastic in the relationship then.

But unfortunately we'll be not loving to ourselves, we'll be not loving the other person and we'll never reach at-onement with God, ever, if we stay in that place. So this is where we need to get out of co-dependency. So the only person you will attract right at this point, whether it's a spirit or another man, will be men who meet your addictions or women you are sympathetic to your addictions. They're the only that you'll finish up attracting while you desire to remain in denial.

As soon as you have a desire to see the addiction exposed, you will instantly attract a man who doesn't meet your addiction, and women who do not sympathise with your addiction. So the women who do not sympathise with the addiction will tell you, "Marina, you've got this addiction." And you go, "I don't want to know that!" But once you've shifted from this denial to a desire, you'll start going, "Ah! This is an indication to me that now women are not agreeing with me, so all of my friends before then agreed with me and they all had the same addiction. Now I've got one woman in my life coming up to me who doesn't have that same addiction. She's pointing it out to me." This is a start of awareness.

And then a man might come up and say, "Marina, the feeling I get from you is really harsh with men, it feels terrible being around you. I don't find you attractive at all." And that will cause you to go, "Oh here's a man who's not meeting my addictions. This is interesting. He's now reflecting a different thing to me and this is an indication that my soul is now shifting out of denial and into desire to know." And that's a very, very powerful thing.

So if you are finding that your friends around you are all supportive of you, they're supportive of what you believe and how you feel about yourself and all those other things, then it's highly likely, if you're not at-one with God, that they're supporting your addictions and therefore in a co-dependent relationship with you. If you find that the people around you are now confronting you with all sorts of things coming up, now it demonstrates you're in a desire to know and you're now moving away from co-dependency into some kind of acceptance that, "I've got to work on these particular issues that are being exposed to me."

The beauty of this great Law of Attraction God's made is that when we have a pure desire to know, we will know. And usually that will be instant. You'll have attraction event that occurs, as you experienced yesterday of triggering a particular thing immediately, demonstrating the addiction still exists. [01:14:08.07]

4.6.1. An example of a lady having an emotion exposed to her as soon as she desired it

Mary: Yeah if we can explain that. Marina came and asked me after the talk yesterday about a specific issue that she didn't understand, something that was happening in her life and I said, "Why don't you just pray for God to show you what it's really about? And just be on the lookout." And how long did it take?

Participant: About 15 minutes.

And what happened?

Participant: Okay. (Laughs) I had asked something about Mary, about this fear that I constantly feel in my stomach, this activation in this area that feels like of a vortex of energy going out and in and just always feeling afraid all the time. And Mary told me that is has to do with sexual terror. And so I went away and I guess sometimes I don't make a point like, "God I'm going to pray to you," but internally I'm praying to God to feel what's going on. And I went to the pool to go to the hot tub at the Bali's, next door, and as I went to the area there was a man who was masturbating in the hot tub to young children in the pool, little girls. I felt a lot of anger.

Exactly. There's the anger, the covering over of the addiction. [01:15:26.05]

Participant: So I went back and I expressed this, the feeling of anger towards that man who was doing it and I ended up remembering an occurrence that happened to me when I was playing in the park, I don't remember vividly, but there was a man who was doing the same thing to myself and other children.

Mary: Yeah. And that's what I said to Marina. I said, "It feels like sexual terror but there's something specific and just ask God to show you what the specific thing is."

Participant: When you told me I was thinking, "There's no way that I'm going to find out right now!"

Yeah. Fifteen minutes later an event involving lots of people.

Participant: Like maybe twenty or something.

Yeah. And that's the power of a desire. The power of a desire is that once you get out of the denial and you have a desire to know, even desire to know what you're denying, immediately events get created. Your soul immediately creates events through this Law of Attraction that expose to your soul what the problem is and what the actual emotion was that you were just talking about. That's the beauty of the process. And this is also the beauty of involving God because God's got far more control over the universe than you guys really recognise at this point in time. We constantly feel like the universe is some kind of anarchy, that God's just sitting up there in some kind of throne, looking down at the universe and going, "Yeah, all this stuff's going on and I'm just observing.'" God is not a passive observer of His own universes. He is directly involved in your life as soon as you want Him to be. As soon as you want him to be.

So if you desperately want Him to show you the addictions that prevent you from being happy, prevent you from connecting to God, prevent you from connecting to a partner, then He'll show you if there's the desire. And that's why I said in the first century consistently that this underlying pure desire to know was the key part of your development in terms of your life. That's why I said the words, "Keep on asking. Keep on seeking. Keep on knocking", because if you develop this pure desire through that process, God will tell you instantly generally, but certainly within the same day generally, God will tell you exactly what is going on for you, and why it's going on as well. [01:18:11.14]

Participant: I just want to say quickly about how you mentioned the getting out of from denial to desire. I realise in myself how much I want to know. So what do we need to do to know how to get from denial to desire? In my experience, just based on the brief chat that I had with you, sometimes it feels so overwhelming that I just leave it to God because there's nobody else. And sometimes that in itself is super powerful because that's when the truth comes out.

Exactly.

Mary: And the overwhelm. When AJ hits you with all the truth and you go, "Whoa, that's overwhelming," the thing to do is to embrace that overwhelm, and go, "Whoa," because truth can enter when you let yourself be overwhelmed. If you're just saying, "I'll have a little bit. Not too much," or, "On my own terms, God," God's like, "Well, I'm really big and you're really small and you're going to have to let yourself be overwhelmed for me to tell you something." [01:19:15.06]

5. God's Laws respond perfectly to what is in our soul

Participant: This is exhausting!

Mary: That's because you're not letting yourself be overwhelmed.

The reason why we get exhausted is because we don't allow ourselves to be overwhelmed.

Participant: Yeah. Well I'm allowing it. I'm right here. When I really believe that I'm in the muck, I'm working on it, I'm in the darkness and I've gone through this many times, going through l think what I believe I'm doing. And the result sometimes is obvious that I've really done it because everything changes immediately but a lot of times it doesn't and I go, "What could I have possibly missed?" I can't go to any other dark, deep mucky place. [01:20:13.15]

Mary: And what did I tell you last night? What did I say last night?

Participant: That there's something else that I'm missing.

And you don't want to know.

Mary: You don't want to know. You don't have the desire yet to know.

Participant: I hear that but I don't feel that.

Can I point out to you though that the Law of Attraction is perfect? So if your life has changed through an experience you've just had, then it will automatically reflect back at you that you've changed. If nothing's changed and it's reflecting back at you that nothing's changed or very little has changed, then it means that you're not actually in the actual emotional cause as to why this particular event occurred.

What I see a lot of people doing is they choose to have a certain type of emotion because the real emotion is too unpleasant for them to even consider to feel, and this is the problem you face. [01:21:11.00]

Mary: Totally. And there's so much judgment we have. We judge, "Look I've been everywhere, God. I've been in the dark corners of my soul," and this is another arrogance that we have. We're wandering around in a lot of denial and addiction but we think we know ourselves better than God. (Laughs) "No God I know everything that's in me. I've just been to all of it," and God's actually showing us, through the Law of Attraction, as AJ said, "Sorry, sister, you don't know all of everything that's inside of you yet. And at the moment you still don't want to know." That's why you feel like, "No! I've cleaned out all the closets."

5.1. An example of addictive crying

And we find this happens very regularly where people come up to us and say, "Look, I've cried about this over and over again but nothing's changed," and I'm saying, "Well if nothing's changed, then the Law of Attraction is showing you that nothing has changed." God's Laws are all perfect and you need to make the assumption that God's Laws are all perfect. So if something had actually changed in your soul through all that crying, your life would have changed. So the reality is all that crying was probably an addiction. It was all probably related to an addiction because if it wasn't related to an addiction but rather was related to a causal emotion your life would instantly have reflected the change.

And many people are not trusting that. They don't trust that. So what they do is, "I'm trying to get this," and then they even want to have this arrogant position of going, "I've done the work! God should change the universe!" [01:22:35.13]

Mary: "Doesn't He know I did that?"

"Doesn't He know I've done the work?" There's that kind of attitude almost to God. And God's going, "Sorry, sister, I give perfectly everything. That means that if there is a sincere change in you, then I will demonstrate to you that change. All of My Laws will demonstrate to you that change." So if the change hasn't occurred, the person you need to look at is yourself, no one else. And you need to first assume that you must be in great denial of the particular thing. If you can't see it you're obviously in denial. [01:23:12.14]

So then you would have to ask yourself, "Okay, why am I in so much denial? There's got to be an issue here that I'm in so much denial of that I don't even want to know or have a desire to know what it is?" So the Law of Attraction is demonstrating to you through these events that you are in this great denial of something and if you really set your intention with God to know what that thing is, and you have a sincere desire to know what that thing is, then God will demonstrate it to you, just as God did yesterday to Marina about that particular problem that she was facing.

And that's exactly what happens every time. So if that's not happening every time, the first place we need to go to is, "Okay, I must be in denial again about another thing. I must be in denial about another thing. I must be in my addictions with this thing as well. To maintain my denial it has to be true." So that's where we need to go, rather than tell ourselves the mistake lies with God or the mistake lies with God's Laws. And this is what I see a lot of people telling themselves. They have this arrogant thing going on with God, "I've cried about that enough now. You should have changed something." And God's not going to change anything for us because when the soul changes, everything around us automatically changes and God's Laws are all perfect. God doesn't need to change something for us because all of God's Laws are reflecting perfectly what is actually happening. [01:24:51.09]

So it's very important for every single person who is still attracting the same kind of events to realise that there must be high levels of denial. Even when they're crying there must be high levels of denial. There's got to be a lot of addiction in their crying for them to be crying tears and at the same time nothing changing. So there's got to be a huge amount of denial in those tears for them to actually be working. And what we've both found, Mary and I, is that we often prefer tears of hurt and addiction than we do going to the terror that covers the tears of grief. Do you understand what I meant by that? We often prefer the tears associated with not having our addictions met than we do experiencing the terror that we need to go through in order to feel our real grief. And this is where most people come to grief in their processing work. They think they're processing but they're often not processing at all, or they're processing the emotions of spirits who are with them, in preference to feeling their own terrors.

Mary: Yeah and something I see a lot of people doing is being confronted by an addiction not being met, then crying, which is actually tears of, "I can't get what I want," but because our intellect is so fancy and strong, we go, "Oh no! This is actually hurt about my dad. This man hasn't treated me in the way that I want, that's because my dad wasn't there for me in the way that I want." And we're crying tears, which are really, "I can't get what I want and I want this man to treat me in the way that I want."

Mary: They're actually hurt, angry tears. But because we're clever, we attach it to something that we know would be a healing grief, such as, "Dad ignored me," and we can do that over and over and over. And I hear people go, "I've been crying about my dad ignoring me for six months and this man's still ignoring me," and very often it's because we're not being real with ourselves about the addiction. And this is what I'm trying to stress today. We've got to get real about the addiction. It's okay to have a cry and go, "I want him to give me what I want!" but we're going to have to face the truth that, "Okay this is exposing in me an unloving demand that I have." There's an unloving expectation. [01:27:35.05]

5.2. An example of crying about our soulmate ignoring us

Yeah, I was going to say, if you're crying for six months about a man ignoring you, of course he's going to continue ignoring you because the reality is you have a demand in you that is trying to support the addiction you have that he doesn't ignore you. And while you're crying about him not ignoring you, you're not actually ever getting to the real cause as to why you feel so bad when he ignores you. He's allowed to ignore you. He's got free will. He's allowed to completely ignore you for the rest of your life.

I see this happening with many people. We often get emails from people about their soulmates. They say, "I know who my soulmate is now. And he's ignoring me. [01:28:18.01]

Mary: "I've told him! I've told him he's unloving."

"I told him he's being unloving to me now and he's being unloving to our soul and I often cry about it. And I've been crying about it for many months and nothing's changing. It's just getting worse." That's what they say, "It's just getting worse. It's getting so bad now that he told me he never wants to hear from me ever again." (Laughter) And I sort of feel like, "Yeah I don't blame him actually." (Laughter) The poor guy. He's got all this demand coming at him and the person who's crying about the response is not being honest that there's all this demand coming out of her towards him. And what is this demand all about? This demand is about addictions she wants met. It's got nothing to do with any causal emotion.

So she can be crying and crying all this so called sadness but it's not really sadness, it's just rage in a different form. And she cries it out, cries it out, cries it out and never lets it go and of course she never will find what is actually going on. And also by the way it's highly unlikely the person she thinks is her soulmate is actually her soulmate under these circumstances because she has such a huge addiction that she's willing to cry about it for months not getting met without even being sincere with herself about the fact that it must feel terrible on the guy's end feeling all of this crap coming at him, feeling all of this demand, desire for attention and approval coming at him that he's got to meet. And he's got a role before he even begins a relationship. Wouldn't you run away from such a person? Of course you would. [01:29:59.00]

And so the Law of Attraction is perfect in that circumstance too. It's perfect. It's showing the woman that actually she is being totally dishonest with herself. If this man was truly her soulmate and she was truly processing through causal emotion related to soulmate-related issues and grief and with her father, and she was truly feeling in a place of a softness about all of those emotions, her life would change tomorrow. Today, even. Every single time I processed an emotion that I knew was a healing emotion, when Mary was not with me, she would contact me within a day. Within one day. There have been quite a number of times when Mary left my life over a period of nearly a year and a half, and sometimes for extended periods of three months at a time. And as soon as I processed through one of those emotions I didn't ring her, I didn't badger her, I didn't pester her. I didn't email her. I didn't browbeat her into submission or any of those particular things. All I did was process the causal emotion related to how I felt.

And I often even knew, "That's the one." Sometimes I've been crying for weeks and weeks and weeks and then once I got to the one, "Bang, that's the one, she'll call me." And sure enough a day later, the next morning, pick up the phone. "Oh, Mary! I was sort of expecting your call!" (Laughter) And the reason why is because God's Law is perfect. God's Law of Attraction is perfect. If you address the real thing inside of you, there will always be a change that will happen very rapidly as a result in your life as a result of addressing the change.

Mary: And so if it's not happening, "Okay, I've got to ask for more truth. I've got to be willing to be more humble. I've got to be willing to see I don't actually want to know what it's really about yet." And just be real about that until I get real about wanting to know what it's about.

Just be real too about the fact that you want God to change the laws for you. You want God to manipulate this person into loving you or whatever it is that you're crying about. Allow yourself to feel that and then also allow yourself to ponder about what would you do if you were God under those circumstances. Allow yourself to have very open feelings and dialogues with God about the particular emotions that exist in you. The beauty of doing that is that you will remain very conscious of all of the things that you're in addiction with and you'll find in the end that there'll be very little denial going on in your life, if anything at all, in fact, if you do that.

And if you also trust God, trust that God's Laws are perfect. If change is not happening in my life, then it's because I am not changing. It's not because of anyone else around me. I might say that again. If change is not happening in my life, it's because I am not changing. And it doesn't matter how much crying you're doing, or how much other feelings you're having, if change is not happening in your life, then you are not really changing. You'd be better off not doing it, wouldn't you? Or you'd be better off looking at, "Okay if I'm crying and I feel the need to cry and yet nothing's changing then it must be an addiction. It's got to be something that I want here that I'm not getting." [01:33:57.23]

And if you can trust that, then you will never go down the track of saying, "What's wrong with God? I've cried about this so many times. What's wrong with you? Why isn't my life changing?" Because you'll always see that the only reason why your life's not changing is because of something that you're choosing. And once I've come to terms with that myself, and Mary took a while to come to terms with that yourself too, it's just amazing because you have a lot more power over your life. You start crying and then nothing changes within a day then you go, "Well, that was useless. Obviously I was crying about the wrong thing," and it's pointless doing that. Why would I do that again? Or again or again or again another day another day another day? I've got to go deeper and find out what am I in denial of. So then my prayer to God will become, like if I've cried and I feel it's a deep gut wrenching cry, and then the exact same situation that I cried about hasn't changed, immediately, like within the next day or so, then I've got to go, "Okay well I mustn't have cried about the actual thing." [01:34:58.14]

And if I haven't cried about the actual thing then my crying must have been addictive. It must be related to my addictions not being met. And then I could go, "Okay, God, show me what I'm in denial of here," instead of going, "Oh, I'll cry again and hopefully I'll get a different result this time." And what's the definition of stupidity again? Doing the same thing over and over again, hoping for a different result. All we're doing there is being quite stupid! (Laughs) And if we can instead of doing that go, "Okay, I've cried about this two times now and still nothing's really changed. I'm obviously right off the ballpark here with regard to what I'm crying about and I'm probably in an addiction of some kind, and I need to look at what I'm in denial of because obviously once I can address that then I'll be able to expose what's the actual problem here."

5.3. An example of crying about unmet demands

So what I found personally too is that I have cried about things that later I've realised that my whole reason for crying was all about a demand I had. [01:36:01.02]

Mary: And that's what I would like to mention that I feel one of the biggest addictions that exist on the planet is the demand to be loved, and this feeling that we know what it is to be loved and the demand that we be treated in that way. I see a lot of people avoiding a lot of fear and pain crying about that one thing.

Because the reality is that nobody has to love you. Nobody. It's not even a right you have. Being loved is not a right. Do you understand that? See most people don't understand that, here, in their soul. They believe being loved is a right. It's not a right. Being loved is a gift. And if you believe being loved is a right you have a lot of emotional injury already to work your way through.

Mary: And a lot of demand coming out of you to your environment. We also believe we know what being loved looks like but for most of us we have no idea what it actually means to be really loved. And so we feel that, "If you love me you meet my addictions." That's the unwritten feeling that's coming out of us most of the time. "And when someone doesn't meet my addictions, they're not loving me and I should be able to be loved. I know what love is and I've got a right to be loved." And that can get very circular in terms of processing. And it's not true processing.

It's not even true. I remember in my own progression, most of the feelings I had to get rid of were related to what I felt were rights, and I was just way off being with love. And I had to come to an understanding that these weren't rights but rather potential gifts, and that I could not demand gifts from people including gifts of love from people. I could not demand that somebody loves me just because I loved them, for example. I could not demand that somebody cared for me just because I cared for them. And once you work your way through all of that emotionally, most of your crying stops being addictive in its nature. [01:38:08.24]

So I went through a whole period of time where my tears were mostly addictive in nature. I think I've described before in some videos, but I went through a period where none of my family would speak to me, none of my friends would speak to me. I didn't have any job at all. I lived alone and my children wouldn't even speak to me. And I was just alone. And I cried about that for a while and then I realised I wanted all them people to love me. And it was my addiction that was the reason why I was crying.

So what I had to do was just cry about the fact that nobody loved me. But I had to get deeper into that and also cry about the fact that I didn't understand what love was. And through that process of releasing that, I came to understand that I could love people even if nobody loved me. And that there was one being who did love me, and that was God. And if I connected with God I would always feel loved no matter what anybody else felt about me. And that's how I can love other people who don't love me. But I had to give up all of my addictions about what I wanted my friends to do and what I wanted my family to do. And what I wanted my children to do. And what I wanted from a partner. All those things I had to give up. [01:39:28.09]

Mary: And it's very much the same for me surrounding love but also I remember the day you said to me, "There are no safe places, Mary. That's an addiction to need a safe place, to need to feel safe." And that's a whole other set of processing that I'm having to go through, feeling like I should be able to feel safe and the fact that I want my environment to make me feel safe.

Which is just another sort of demand. It's a similar demand to the demand to be loved. A demand to be safe. But you see we have so many of these things that we feel justified creating. We call them "rights". That's what we call them. "I have a right to be safe. A right to be fed. A right to be this. A right to be that." And in a Western society the list of things that we feel are rights that we have is quite long. [01:40:28.13]

Mary: And rights actually equal demands. And if we recognise that demands are actually an angry thing, we see where these things fit in the chain of emotional development. Rights are actually demands that are angry, that are actually created to avoid our terror that our addiction won't be met. The truth is we will feel loved and we will feel safe once we pass through those emotional stages but we create rights as demands to avoid that whole process.

None of you have the right to be loved. None of you have the right to be safe. The irony is once you release the demand, which you believe is a right, for the first time in life you'll actually be safe. And for the first time in your life and you'll actually feel loved. And you won't actually need another person to love you. It's a wonderful thing because your entire life then becomes independent of every other being who has ever existed. Because when you no longer need another person to love you, this love that you're receiving from God is the thing that will sustain the rest of your existence.

Once you understand that you won't have a demand come out of you towards another person to treat you in any way. And in that moment you will be able to be the most loving person you could ever be. You'll be able to actually act in harmony with love every single time with every single person no matter how bad they are or how good they are. In addition, when your mate comes along and you attract your soulmate into your life, they won't have a role. They won't have a task. You won't be putting upon them a demand saying, "You have to do this for me." You won't be putting upon them any demands. So of course how loved do you think they're going to feel if you don't put any demands on them at all but you still love them? They're going to feel quite loved, aren't they? [01:42:53.09]

And how attracted would you be to that, if that was you? Of course you'd be very attracted to that, wouldn't you? You'd be so attracted to it that you'd want to do the same thing, surely, in the long run? And you'd want to know how they did that. How they come to this amazing state of love that you feel all the time from them because they just don't have any demands upon you anymore. Imagine that.

And this is where we need to understand the truth about love, and we don't, you know. And the reason why we don't is because we believe love is a right and that of course hooks into addictions, and so really we have these long lists of addictions associated with love that we have to release if we're ever going to be at-one with God. And they are in us; they didn't get in us through our own fault. But they are now in us and the only person that can release them is ourselves. Nobody else can do it for us. Even God can't do it for us. He can help us, but He can't do it. We have to be willing to do it ourselves. [01:44:03.24]

5.4. Being child-like with our emotions

Participant: I just want to mention what I feel has helped me a lot is staying vulnerable and staying vulnerable keeps you in the childlike state. When we start to demand control, or we think, "This is something that I need to clear," we'll approach from an adult state instead from a childlike state. So by being vulnerable and not trying to identify every little thing we'll actually start to feel it and as we feel it we'll know exactly what to release.

Exactly. Very good comment.

Mary: Very good comment. Can we also expand on the word "vulnerable"? And maybe call it open and without facade. Because often vulnerable is something we associate with danger or fear and actually being open and humble and without façade is a really powerful place. But we commonly call it vulnerability because we have a lot of false beliefs about it. [01:45:12.18]

Participant: As soon as I start to feel I'm like a child it's like a permission slip to feel like a child again.

Exactly.

6. Speaking truth and not engaging addictions in a relationship

Participant: I have another question, if I may? I'm very lucky to be with somebody who's also on the path, but a lot of times we get into this trouble of helping each other and in the loving way. What would be like a good way to help each other in a loving way without expressing too many demands or trying to understand that if your addiction is to tell her because then you're shifting responsibility?

It's a very good question. Usually when we have to tell the other person something there's one of two different things going on generally. The first thing is that we want the other person to change before we change.

Mary: Or before we feel.

Or before we feel. So let's say, just as an idea, Mary might decide that Michael's a very attractive man and she projects sexually at Mike and I notice that. And I go, "Oh that was a bit off, you know," because I would like, of course, and if she's my soulmate I'll feel it instantly generally, but I would like her to only be sexually attracted to myself. That's the underlying demand or the underlying addiction that I have. And so instead of feeling that what I go is, "Oh, Mary, did you just notice what you did there? Did you notice what the Law of Attraction was doing there and did you notice that you just gave Michael a sexual feeling and how he responded to that?" And so now I'm involved in helping her, but what's my motive for helping her? It is questionable because my motive for helping her is really to stop myself from feeling some pain so that I don't feel jealous or some other emotion. [01:47:31.17]

Whereas what I need to do first is I need to go, "Okay, what's my response here?" Now my response might be jealousy or I might feel initially some anger that she's not attracted to me anymore in that moment, and I need to allow myself to feel that. And I need to allow myself to go through that and even get closer to why I feel so triggered by that, and allow myself to even feel some grief about that if I can. But at least be honest and open enough to see that, "Yeah this is obviously an event that still affects me."

Now it's still right of course to raise the issue with my partner, if she doesn't observe it, but you have to ask first whether she wants to know, wouldn't you? Like you'd have to, "Do you want to know what happened there between yourself and Michael?" And Mary might go, "No, nothing happened," and then I'd had to feel her desire to not even know as well as another emotion that I need to firstly process.

Now of course, if Mary consistently is projecting sexually to other men, then I would have to have a response to that in the sense of it's not loving to herself to do that, it's not loving to the other men, it's also not loving to our relationship or myself. And so I'd have to go, "Hang on a sec, darling, I've seen you do this a number of times now and the reality is you want to stay in complete denial of it but also the reality is that it means that you're not attracted to me in that moment. And to be frank with you, I can't engage in a relationship with you if you're not attracted to me", because that's an issue of my love of myself. And so you would address the issue and then hopefully the partner would want to look at the issue. But if they don't then you might separate for a while even and wait for them to come to their own realisations about the issue. [01:49:18.13]

Participant: What if the partner is not being loving to herself?

Well she still doesn't want to see that. So there are many times when one or both of us haven't wanted to see that we're being unloving to ourselves. It happens with me frequently with groups, like in the sense that I give a lot, give a lot, give a lot in terms of question and answers and so forth and sometimes we miss out on having our life as a result of that. And so Mary points it out to me and says, "You gave too much again. What's going on?" And that's fantastic to be able to have somebody do that but not in an addictive manner. Not doing it because they feel jealous or because there's issues there if they do that.

Mary: And something I notice couples do, or there's a tendency or there's a danger of doing, is just using language of the path to cover over emotional conflict actually; demands or expectations on each other but by saying, "This is a love of self issue," or, "That's your Law of Attraction," or whatever... [01:50:27.17]

You're better off actually going, "I'm really angry", wouldn't you? Rather than going, "This is your Law of Attraction. You just did this or did that." Because that's the feeling that's coming inside of you, so you're better off going, "I'm really angry. I feel really hurt that you did such and such. I feel really hurt." And then start to realise why you feel hurt. But even if the other person's open, you can describe why you feel hurt and quite often during the description of why you feel so hurt you'll actually get to the actual emotion and have a big cry about it. And it's great when you can have a relationship like that because it means that you can actually have every emotion in front of the other person without them condemning it, judging it, criticising you for it, or reacting to it. [01:51:10.18]

Mary: Or trying to intervene.

Or trying to intervene. And it's a fantastic power if your mate can do that for you and you can do that for your mate. So that's what we do for each other. We allow ourselves to feel the emotion rather than just going, "Oh you've got a Law of Attraction event there," as that's often a very passive aggressive way to have a relationship.

6.1. The example of Mary and AJ's relationship

Mary: And often with couples, when I meet them they're on opposite sides of a fence and they're fighting each other over this fence, and for me something happened somewhere in our relationship where we both ended up on the same side of the fence. And it was going down a road that leads to God. And there was an acknowledgement in both of us that we both still have emotional issues. So I acknowledge that I have emotional errors in me and that AJ also has emotional injuries in him. And he acknowledges the same thing; that he has them and he can see them in me. Whereas before I would take everything as a criticism or I'd want to defend. [01:52:10.17]

It wasn't like picking on each other.

Mary: It was just a loving relationship now where we both recognise those truths, we both recognise we want to go for God and on that journey there are going to be issues that come up. If we can lovingly go, "We both want the same thing. We both want growth. We both want God." So it's actually a gifting process now to allow each other to have their emotion, to hear from the other, and it wasn't like a competition anymore.

And it's even better when you know you're soulmates because you're one soul. So any progress Mary makes benefits our complete soul. And any progress I make benefits our complete soul. So when Mary points something out to me, I don't go... [01:53:00.13]

Mary: "You're picking on me."

"You're picking on me." Like, she's pointing out something to our soul. Do you see what I'm saying? And the way that I think about it, "Well yeah that's an important issue we've got to address in our soul." And if it's the emotion inside of me that's affecting our soul then I want to address it. I want to actually look at what's going on and find the answers to what's going on sincerely. Because if Mary can see something that I can't see (and often the person with you can often see things you can't see), and I can see something that Mary can't see, and we're both in open place with each where we don't feel attacked or criticised in what we see in each other but rather we want to know what the other person sees, then the benefits of that to our complete soul are going to be so great that we're going to be able to just be freely open with what we see, what we see each of us, and in the end we'll be able work our way through that emotionally. We're not attacking each other. It's not counter-productive. We feel like we're growing together and we're getting closer and closer together as a result.

And in the end anything Mary says to me, instead of feeling like, "Oh that was an attack and that was another disapproval. And that was another thing," it feels like, "No, Mary's desire in her, which I can feel now, is this desire that we progress." At the start of our relationship Mary's desire was quite different. It was desire to attack, pull me down, turn me into something she wanted me to be, which is very, very different. [01:54:35.19]

Mary: And maintain a facade even to myself.

7. Dealing with judgement towards our addictions

Mary: And that's something probably that I wanted to say to everyone around the issue of what we're talking about today - denial, addiction, and judgement of self. The biggest thing that happened for me for us to both get on the same side of the fence was to give up this sense of judging myself. Because every time AJ would say something to me, I would judge myself and in the beginning I'd perceive he was even judging me. And that get's tiring and horrible and you don't actually want to be in that place.

Mary: And so a big block that Francine pointed out before to recognising your addictions is this judgement of self that happens. Something really crucial that I worked through around that, in addition to what AJ talked about before, was facing a fear. I remember we were lying in bed one night and I just said to him, "You know what my biggest fear is? It's that underneath all of this, I'm just actually a bad person. That I'm going to try and heal and I'm going to discover actually I am bad. I am flawed, and that I can't actually heal it. It's just me." Now that sounds simple but it was massive for me. And that's when he said the beautiful words... [01:55:56.21]

And can I point out too, that Mary felt that emotion. Like she actually cried and sobbed about the fact that she felt that inside of her she was just flawed. And she just let herself feel that that's the truth. She let herself feel that.

Mary: Yeah. So I cryingly told you that, and cried about it, and AJ said to me that beautiful thing that he said to you before, which is, "Darling, I'm not worried because I know God only makes beautiful things." Now that one truth, if you can face that fear and like feel that fear, and let God give you that one truth that underneath it all you are beautiful, then that is such a huge gift. I was writing in my journal the other day, and it's like a precious stone I carry in my pocket. I take it out sometimes and I look at it because it helps remember, "Yes. God made me something beautiful, even if I don't feel it now, even if I'm terrified of facing this thing about me that's in me now, I know that God created me beautiful."

Mary: And if you can let that truth enter your heart, you can go a long way. That gives you a lot of courage and a lot of faith in facing yourself in these early stages where it feels quite icky, "Do I really do that? Do I really want that? Am I really like that?" That's what it feels like some days. [01:57:29.08]

And you'll be open to the truth about yourself.

Mary: Because you'll realise it's just an injury in me. It's not who I am. In our society we're so used to believing what we are now is who we are and that's why we try to create the big facades of, "I'm someone wonderful. I'm someone capable. I'm someone beautiful", and all these things because everyone judges us as that's who we are. Whatever we present, that's it. Not that we're a work in progress. Not that we're someone growing. Not that we're someone who can develop; that's who we are. And it's not the truth. And so if you can learn that truth about how God created you, not the truth you've created about yourself. If you can let the truth that you are a beautiful creation of God, which is in one of the first lines of the prayer for Divine Love, if that can enter your heart, it can take you such a long way.

8. Emotional processing is simplified when done with God

Participant: It's a long route. Not just you have to first identify your addictions, you also have to identify your denial, which is even harder. And once you've done that, you've got to also identify the right emotion and sometimes with the denial you're not on the right emotion.

Yeah.

Participant: And you've got to go there to find out and you may cry ten times and never succeed and finally go into that like that. And with the example you made about Mary being attracted to another man, I have the reaction, well, now I don't even have the right to ask my soulmate to be attracted to me because this a demand. And I should not be in demand for that. [01:59:25.16]

Mary: Yep.

Participant: It's also an addiction.

Mary: Yeah.

Participant: So it's quite a complex process.

Can I point out though, Jean, that it's a complex process if we do it without God? But if you do it with God it's a very simple process actually because God presents you the very next thing you need to do through the Law of Attraction. And so you don't even have to think so much about this. You just have to be aware that denial exists inside of you, and aware that addictions exist. And all we need to do is ask God for the next thing. And this is the difference between doing it with God and doing it ourselves. Many of us want to do it ourselves because we don't really have a connection with God or don't have a strong desire for God or any of those kinds of things, and as a result of that, we finish up not doing it with God. We finish up doing it for ourselves. [02:00:30.21]

Mary: I just wrote, "Do it with your heart, not your head." Yeah.

Well you've got to do both, don't you? You've got to do it with your heart and do it with God, and if you do it with God and with your heart, and I feel that's the only hard thing. Because doing it with your heart involves you being sincere and really truthful with yourself about it. But if you do it with God and really have a sincere desire to do it with God, God will always show you the next thing. In the first century I said quite frequently that, "God does not give you a serpent when you ask for some food." In other words, God does not give you something bad when you ask for something good. And this is where most of us still have this mistrust of God, or self-reliance, still kicking in. I feel while we're self-reliant we have to go through this whole thing of working it all out, working it all out, and it becomes very complex, and very difficult. And to be frank if I had to do it that way I would probably have given up a long time ago to be honest.

But all I've found is all I need to do is trust the very next thing. So all I've had to do is go, "Okay, God is good." If I asked sincerely, and that's the key part, I have to be sincere. I have to have a sincerity of my heart, but if I ask sincerely to have my denials exposed then they will be exposed and they'll be exposed within the day. And therefore I'll be able to find them out very rapidly. God's telling me the next thing. I don't have to go and discover it myself because by just having the desire with God to tell me, God shows me through that process. [02:02:13.23]

And so this is where I feel the majority of people who listen to the information we present about emotional work unfortunately they forget to do it with God. And so they go into this process of doing it themselves and in the process of doing it with yourselves it does become very convoluted, very difficult, very frustrating and sometimes so annoying that you want to give up many, many times. Whereas after the first couple of years of recognising how I could do it with God, after that point in time I've never had a feeling inside of myself of frustration about not finding something, or impatience, or feeling self-punishing or feeling that I'm not going to ever find out or any of those things because I know if I have a sincere desire in me God will show me today. And it makes it really simple.

So while I agree it's very complicated if you had to do it all yourself, I feel it's actually very simple when you start to engage God in the process sincerely. [02:03:24.07]

8.1. It is possible to release all of our emotional error

Participant: And the comment I had also about it's a long route, will it ever come to a time where we get rid of all of the addiction?

Yes.

Participant: Or there will always be addiction?

No. If you think of yourself as a bottle half full of water, and all of that half full water is all addictions and demands and things about love and all these false beliefs that we have; all of this untruth that we have in us. Obviously the speed at which this will get tipped out will depend on the timing of when it becomes empty. So if I tip this out very slowly and just dribble it out - drop, drop, drop - then probably ten years later it will still be drop, drop, drop. And so of course, that's going to mean it's a long time. [02:04:18.02]

But it's a finite bottle. There's a finite amount of injury within each of us, not an infinite amount. And the reason why it's not an infinite amount is because we are finite beings at this point in time and we are not infinite like God is. And so therefore there must be a finite amount of injury inside of us. And as long as we keep tipping it out, eventually it will be empty. If we never engage the process of tipping it out, then of course it will remain with the contents as long as we don't engage the process.

And if we engage the process very slowly, and we just go drop, drop, drop, then of course the process is going to be quite a long process. But if we engage the process as rapidly as God feeds us the information and allow ourselves to be overwhelmed through that process and...

Mary: ... and that's dependent on what? Desire.

Desire. Only desire. If we engage the process as rapidly as God presents the information to us, then we have the ability for this to happen over a very short period of time in comparison to our life. So in my case I've lived 50 years, and I've got 2000 years of stuff to address, and the reality is in the first century I had about 20 something years of stuff to address, and I addressed it all in 10 years. In this life I've been going 8 years so far addressing the stuff that I've had to deal with over the last 2000 years of course though, so there's a bit more emotion there. But even if it takes me another 10 years in comparison of my whole life it's very minor part of my life. But you see I feel one of the things that affect most of us, particularly in Western Society, is we do expect everything to be instant. [02:06:14.07]

Mary: It's an addiction.

That's why we now have instant almost everything, because we have this addiction where if we don't have something happen today or tomorrow, then we sort of believe, "Oh we might as well give it up then." And I feel we need to have a bit more patience with ourselves than that and a bit more understanding of ourselves, and understanding that these emotions hurt. And that we're going to have to grow in our capacity to experience pain. But in doing that, we can tip it out as rapidly as God delivers it and God does not deliver it more rapidly than what we can actually cope with, even though many of you believe that you're being overwhelmed all the time. God is actually saying, "No, no, I feel you can cope with some more, actually." (Laughs)

Mary: Much more in most cases!

And if we allow that to occur at God's speed then it will happen very rapidly. Most of the time we don't though. Most of the time we have it occur at our speed, which is often sometimes drop, drop, drop and sometimes it's nothing at all, and sometimes it's like whoosh! whoosh! whoosh! It just depends on the underlying desires that we have about the particular emotion.

Now some of the emotions that we have, we want to get rid of straight away, and other emotions we have we want to remain totally in denial of for a long period of time because of the different beliefs we have and so forth. And don't forget that it's not just about emotion, it's also about beliefs. Some of the beliefs we hold on to now, we don't want to give up. And so while we don't give them up of course we can't progress. And that is our own choice. But if we get fed things as rapidly as God can feed us, which is very rapidly, and we let them go as rapidly as God can assist us to do that, then what happens is that we all potentially in 10 years time could be completely free of every single emotional injury that we currently have right today. [02:08:13.06]

Now if you think of that, it's just such a powerful thing to have every single person in this audience at-one with God. Imagine that in 10 years time. There's probably about 65 here or something like that. You think what 65 people in one country at-one with God could create when one person in the world at-one with God in the first century created whole heaps of change both on Earth and in the spirit world. How much change do you feel 65 people in that state would have? How much impact would they have? Obviously a huge impact. So even if this process now takes 10 years for you, it's still very, very much worth it not only for you but also for the rest of the world.

Mary: And it's not the kind of thing that you get the reward at the end of the 10 years either.

No you get reward as it goes.

Mary: The rewards happen as you go.

9. Choosing to feel our fear and grief over our addictions

Mary: But can I just contrast as well about addiction? We're talking a lot about addiction today and how separate that is actually from emotional injury. Addiction actually forms a lot of what comes out of us to our environment. That's our demands. That's the things we want to have to help us avoid our real self. It's even our injured self right now. Now yesterday I said "I think I've got a PhD in addictions because I feel like I've been looking at them for four years." And I said, "AJ doesn't have any." He said, "No that's not really true, I just went through a very intense period in my life when none of them got met and I grieved them all at once."

Mary: And that's what I was thinking about when you were making the tipping water analogy. If we just look at the area of addiction, we have addiction at the top and then we had fear and grief and I said there's a point where you reach where you go, "I don't want to go upwards anymore towards addiction and anger and I'm just going to focus down the line towards fear and grief." That's a point where you say, "Addiction's no longer an option for me. It's no longer going to be feeling good for me." And that is a place you can reach really rapidly.

9.1. AJ's experiences of giving up his addictions

Mary: As AJ said he reached it in a few months?

Yeah once I made a choice to experience in a truthful manner my emotions, it took about eleven months for me to reach the place that I no longer would accept any addiction inside of myself. At that moment my whole life fell apart. My whole life. I lost my entire life as I knew it at that point.

Mary: Was that at the end of the dealing with the addictions or at the beginning?

That was at the beginning of dealing with the addictions. There was this desire that occurred and in that place it took eleven months for me to generate that positive desire of wanting to become aware of and deal with absolutely every addiction that I had. In the next few months it was very intense as you can imagine because my entire life fell apart in every different area of my life - financially, physically, emotionally, relationship, children, parents, friends. All of the constructions of my life fell apart in a very, very short period of time. And I pretty much began crying from that point on for quite some time. [02:11:39.04]

And during that phase it took another probably eleven months for me to get through all of those things that came up from those particular events. And by the way I was still in denial about a lot of things. During that phase I was still in denial about who I was even because another layer happened underneath that. So I had to go through this first layer to actually ever get to the second one.

Mary: Which was actually about giving up your addictions, really.

Yeah.

Mary: In that eleven months. Everything fell apart, no addictions were met, all the grief of having no addictions met happened. Then the door opened for truth.

Yeah, my life started changing after that in a positive direction. So I started having joy reappear in my life after I was prepared to address all of those things.

Mary: And that's why I felt so inspired to talk to you guys about this today because this is where joy happens - after addiction is dealt with. And you can't have it in any other order. And that's why it's so important. And I see AJ did it in eleven months. I'm like plodding my way through it in what feels like a very intense four years, and I see a lot of people out there kind of dipping their toe in.

I don't feel I've done it eleven months because I feel there was that second layer of addiction that I had, which was another time in my life. So after the first layer of addiction, I then started to work my way through a lot of different issues, demands that I had and all these kind of things. And then that just built up and built up until my life was relatively happy again and I was quite happy. I was enjoying my life, embracing my life in a lot of different areas during that phase of my life. I became a multi-millionaire because of just the Law of Attraction changed with regard to monetary issues, my sense of worth, and all those kind of things. [02:13:36.24]

And that brought me to the point of being ready to handle the next set of addictions. That was when I realised I was Jesus and I realised all those kind of realisations that I had, and that took me another like twelve to fifteen months to actually process my way through that. But because I was no longer addicted to even feeling good, I just went through it like a freight train really. People around me of course were concerned. My mother wanted to throw me in a psychiatric ward. People around me were concerned but I wasn't concerned because I'd already been through the process once before. I knew what it was like. I knew what I could expect through the process that I was just going to have to embrace this process. And so once I covered those second set of addictions, then it's become much, much easier to enjoy life and much, much easier to embrace desire and passion as a result.

Mary: So my point is really, you're not going to feel joy unless you're willing to go through intensity around addictions. You can't; your soul doesn't work like that. And when you're trying to bite off little pieces of the path you just end up feeding other addictions instead of having this heartfelt desire to really become un-numb, to become sensitive again, and to really know yourself. And that's the step that has to happen I feel to actually progress towards God. Even just towards yourself. But as AJ was saying if you involve God in that process it's far richer. It's far more rapid.

And it's simple. You remember I described those two phases. In the first phase I didn't really involve God much. So I was having to work everything out. I finished up visiting psychiatrists and psychologists to see what they could tell me. And then after a while they couldn't tell me much. And then I asked all of my friends what they observed in me and all those kind of things. And often they'd tell me things and express themselves, which was really good. [02:15:51.17]

But I still was doing it by having to use my mind and my intellect to work out myself, to struggle to find myself. In the second phase I went through this process of really coming to trust God again in my life and once I went through the second phase it was very interesting because after that point it was so much more simple because all I had to do was trust that God would show me the next thing if I had a desire to know the next thing.

So I actually gave up trying to work it all out actually during that process. I gave up trying to discover. I gave up trying to know what it was all about. And all I did was trust that God would show me if I had a sincere desire. So all I worked on was having a sincere desire. That was my main focus. Having a sincere desire to get out of denial into looking at what's really going on. And in that phase all I had to do was trust whatever I desired to know today, God would show me. And that always has been the case since then. And so once I entered that phase it was like I could become a child again. It was like the other phase in the first time that I went through these breaking down of addictions and so forth, I was still really an adult working my way through life. But in the second phase I sort of just became a child again, a trusting child, trusting his Father that his Father would show him everything that he needs to know. [02:17:26.00]

And once I got into that phase, then life also became a lot more enjoyable. I started embracing my true nature, my true personality, my true self. I had a lot less fear about everyone around me and what they were thinking of me and what they were observing what I was doing. As you can imagine, I got condemned a lot through this process and I gave up even that. The whole desire for having anybody think well of me because I could feel my growing relationship with God, that God was actually showing me what to do next. Every single time.

And all I had to do was embrace what He showed me and not have any resistance to it. That's all I had to do. And once I started embracing that, things started changing for me in a very big way. And it was three or four years after that, that I actually attracted Mary into my life because I still had a lot of work to do to remove the grief-based emotions. So I still had a lot of grief and I did a lot of grief work but now I at least trusted that God would show me the next thing I had to grieve, or the next thing that I was able to deal with, and needed to deal with. So that's what we'd like to encourage you to do.

10. The benefits of giving up addictions

Participant: How do you feel when you don't have these addictions? What's the benefit? What's the overall goal?

It's amazing actually.

Participant: And that's the value. That's the incentive.

Yeah. I still have some addictions. So I must point that out still. But I have a memory of what life was like without them, as does Mary. But even with life as it is now for me, I don't have any feelings of self-consciousness at all. In other words you can just be yourself, absolutely who you are with everybody you meet without even having to think about it or think about their response to it or worry about their response. Or if they're angry, upset, or whatever you don't even have to worry about any of that either. It's just like you can just be exactly you. So that's a huge, amazing place to be, particularly when you've had a life where you've never felt like you've been able to be you. Not having to think about everything all the time is an amazing thing, to actually live in harmony with love almost all of the time. So right now, I can live in harmony with love almost all the time. I've still got some addictions to go, most of them are with God, but I can live in harmony with love almost all the time without having to think about it. It's an automatic process, without having to try.

Imagine if you just give up having to try. And giving up having to try to be loving. Once you become at-one with God and get rid of all the addictions, it's like you're going through the world, you're totally conscious of everything that's going on around you and none of it bothers you. None of it affects you negatively in any way. And you're just being yourself every single moment without having to try, without having to force yourself to be. And you also in that same place know that you're so connected with God that everything you do is totally in harmony with love with every single person you meet.

You don't have to try to be loving anymore. There's just so much happiness in that place. In my first century life, it was unimaginable for me to even imagine what I could have been like and then when I became it... the first time you do it is just so amazing because the first time you do it you've got no concept of what life could have been like. For myself and Mary and others who have returned, obviously we do have a concept and so there's a feeling of loss within us about that particular life. But the first time you do it, it's just joy once you get to that condition. It's sort of like, "Wow! Like I never imagined life could be this way!" And it's way beyond your wildest dreams of what you're capable of doing is the things you finish up doing because there's no limitation. There's no fear anymore. There are no addictions guiding your life.

And remember that all of God's Laws are constraining your addictions. All of God's Laws are pulling you back into love and so they're all trying to expose your addictions all the time. And so you don't feel like anything in the universe is working against you, and that is an amazing feeling too. Everything that you set your heart to do happens in that place. Everything. And in the Celestial spirit realm, that's exactly what it's like. Every single thing you set your heart to do, because everything you set your heart to do is loving, it happens. Every single thing. Like imagine a life like that. In the life we have now most of us go, "Oh yes, I wish I could do this. And I wish I could do that." In the Celestial spirit realm, you don't even know the word "wish". It doesn't even exist as a word. Because everything you desire happens. It's not a wish. It's almost like a command, but it's not a command either. It just happens.

So it's an amazing place to be and I'd really encourage all of you to consider going through the trauma, and I understand it is trauma; to go through the trauma of becoming aware, getting out of denial, go into the trauma of having to look at all of your addictions and see how terrible they look and everything. Go into the trauma of feeling your terror and down into your grief because the rewards of doing so are unimaginable at the moment for you. And as long as you can begin to embrace the process you will realise those rewards.

Now what myself and Mary are trying to do is demonstrate to you those rewards by doing it ourselves again, in front of you, in front a worldwide audience so that you can at least understand the benefits of it as we go. [02:24:07.14]

Mary: And there are many benefits as you go. What AJ's describing is the end point but even now, myself having dealt with many addictions, and certainly not by any means all of them, joy suddenly becomes apparent and desire that is just now present in my life. And all of that was once suppressed by addiction, by fear of what other people would think, placating to all of these other things of what I thought I had to be or should be so I could get love. And I feel there is so much joy in any person once they begin to reconnect with themselves.

Mary: And even if that self is afraid and sad, there is a joy in that because you've spent years and years of your life numb to it, just that reconnection to it is a joyful place. And you do feel more empowered to make your own decisions. With this perfect desire that you have at the end that's completely in harmony with love and God that is immediately fulfilled, the beginnings of that start to happen. You start to have desires in harmony with love. And some of them in disharmony with love and you get to test that out. You get to start into this whole thing. Before when you're in addiction, you're trying to have a very flawed relationship with everyone around you. And God can't even enter the stadium. It's just all about everyone around you, and avoidance of self.

Mary: As soon as you start to let go of that, it's like the roof comes off and God can start to interact with you in your life, and start to give you feedback on different things. And your relationships with people around you change also. Suddenly they can connect to you, and you have the potential of connecting to them. When you're in addiction that can't happen. You're operating in addiction, which is not you and not them. But connecting to people properly is joyful. And you're not even yet at-one with God, which is why I said you don't have to wait 10 years to get the good stuff. Even though there's pain and fear along the way, there's immediately more joy. [02:26:28.12]

Yeah there's so many benefits immediately as well as in the long-term. And I feel like if we allow ourselves to begin the process sincerely, you will actually start discovering the immediate benefits. And we haven't even listed the benefits associated with the benefits of growing closeness in a personal relationship with another person, the growing closeness in your relationship with yourself and understanding yourself. Your growing ability to have less cares, less fears in your life.

Mary: Less worries.

To have less worry in your life. It's an amazing thing to actually have a life where there's no worry, where you're not worried about anything. And literally not worried, where you don't have to be afraid of what's going on in your life. So these are all like also benefits that come and grow over time. I gave a talk recently about the eternal benefits of having a relationship with God as well, "Relationship with God - The Eternal Benefits", and all of those benefits are also included in this process.

11. Closing Words

Mary: I'd like to recap because there were a few really important things that were said in this process of getting out of denial, recognising addiction, and really starting your real soul work. It doesn't start until that happens. So one of the beautiful things AJ said was, "Do it with God and with your heart and not your head." And that speaks to what I was saying where you have to open your heart to the desire to want this. And most of us don't have that desire yet or it would already be happening. We're still afraid about it. So it's involving God in developing that desire.

Mary: Second thing to note is if we have the sincere desire, God's going to show us immediately. So if we're not getting shown we know, "Okay, I've got to go back to the first thing - desire. It's not there yet." And then when we have desire be on the look out. Don't walk around with head down, not really looking at what's happening. Notice what's happening in my interactions. Because the third thing I want to say to you is if the injury or if the addiction or if the emotion if I say is in me, and this is a big truth that took me a while to get this in my soul, it must come out sometime. [02:29:44.23]

Mary: So if it's there, it's going to have to come out. And I can't really work around it. And remember I said in the beginning I wanted to work around the addictions and just get to the grieving bit because that seemed fairly safe, not terrifying, and it would be okay. I didn't have to face the judgement, the shame of all the addiction I'd been living in. I didn't have to feel terrified about all these other things. But it doesn't work. If the feeling is in me, if the addiction exists, I'm going to have to feel about it for it to leave me. If terror is in me, I'm going to have to feel that for it to leave me. I can't do it any other way.

Mary: And that's why I say look around you because if I'm having an exchange with AJ, and I notice, "Oh, something's a bit off here, there's something here for me. Oh well, I'll go on and talk to someone else," I've just missed an opportunity that God gave me to have the emotion come out to me at least to get out of denial and into awareness because I'm going to have to start this process sometime. And if I keep skipping over opportunities, God's going to keep bringing me more. Josh in Australia says, "First He brings you a feather, then He brings you a brick. Then He brings you a truck!" (Laughter) So you know I can engage with the feather and not have to wait for the steamroller to show me what's going on in my life. [02:31:12.20]

Mary: So that was the other thing I wanted to encourage you to feel about and to recognise as a truth in your heart, if this is in me, it's going to come out. It's going to have to come out of me. So the more I keep denying, the more I go, "Ah, I've probably got an issue with that but I don't really want to face it yet," I'm just prolonging pain in my life.

Mary: There's one more thing that I wanted to say to you. If change isn't happening in my life, it's not happening in my soul. Conversely, if suddenly things just get really shaken up, if I grow this desire and suddenly everything falls apart, this is God now working with me. This is not a bad thing because I know I've been in denial and addiction for the entirety of my life probably, so it's going to get a bit messy while that gets shaken up.

Mary: So I can go, "Okay, that means I'm ready. God knows better than me when I'm ready for change. And He's bringing me these opportunities right now. And I can engage with them." Which brings me to the last thing, which is just simply; don't settle.

Mary: I see that in a lot of people that we meet because I was like it inside of myself. I settled for a life that I thought was reasonably okay, that I could have this level of happiness, which now feels like it was not happy at all. But I kind of kidded myself that this is kind of happy and maybe you can't really hope for much more in life. I wasn't even in contact with my real passion, my real desire in my life. And I see a lot of people doing this. Even some of them open the Pandora's box of their soul and see a little bit of truth, and then they go, "That's too hard. I'll wait for the spirit world. I'll get to that after I deal with this other emotion. Or this emotion and then I'll get to the really hard stuff." [02:33:56.07]

Mary: And that's all just settling. And it's not having faith that God created you to be able to do it because He did, and He doesn't want you to settle. That's why he created the Law of Attraction to keep showing you and keep showing you and keep showing you. He's saying, "Don't settle for this, what you've got now, because I created you with far more potential than this. Recognise what's here. Recognise what's inside of you because when you do that big change is going to happen and you're going to feel joy." And you're going to start to feel joy even when you're not fully healed yet.

Mary: When you settle, you completely disengage and you have to generate more and more levels of addiction and denial to remain in that kind of life because God's keeping on bringing you the triggers and you keep going, "No, no! No, no! I'm happy here. I'm happy here. I'm happy here." And that's more denial and that's more addiction. So if I can just inspire you don't settle for not so happy, kind of okay in your relationship, sort of financially alright but not really living your dreams. Don't settle for that. God created you to have an amazing existence. And the minute you start engaging this process is the minute you start working with the potential He put in you, not the potential you say you've got. Because trust me, His idea of what you're capable of is way bigger than what you feel you're capable of.

Mary: So if I can just leave you with that. (Applause) Thank you, guys. (Applause)

Thanks, guys.

