 
## CONTENTS

Title Page

Copyright

Quote

Chapter One

Chapter Two

Chapter Three

Chapter Four

Chapter Five

Chapter Six

Chapter Seven

Chapter Eight

Chapter Nine

Chapter Ten

Chapter Eleven

Chapter Twelve

Chapter Thirteen

Chapter Fourteen

Chapter Fifteen

Chapter Sixteen

Chapter Seventeen

Chapter Eighteen

Chapter Nineteen

Chapter Twenty

Chapter Twenty-One

Chapter Twenty-Two

Chapter Twenty-Three

Chapter Twenty-Four

Chapter Twenty-Five

Chapter Twenty-Six

Chapter Twenty-Seven

Chapter Twenty-Eight

Chapter Twenty-Nine

Acknowledgments

About the Author

JOLTED

Alyne Roberts

Jolted

Alyne Roberts

Copyright © 2014 Alyne Roberts

Cover by: R.B.A. Designs

Editing by: T.K. Editing

All Rights Reserved.

No part of this publication may be reproduced, distributed, or transmitted in any form or by any means, including photocopying, recording, or other electronic or mechanical methods, without the prior written permission of the publisher, except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical reviews and certain other noncommercial uses permitted by copyright law..

This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, businesses, places, events and incidents are either the products of the author's imagination or used in a fictitious manner. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, or actual events is purely coincidental.

Any trademarks, service marks, product names or named features are assumed to be the property of their respective owners, and are used only for reference. There is no implied endorsement if we use one of these terms.

_"You're on your own._

_And you know what you know. _

_And you are the one who'll decide where to go..."_

_-Dr. Seuss_

## CHAPTER ONE

##

**_Kallie_**

"Now, are you sure you have everything?" Carter asked as we shoved the last box into the trunk of my car.

"Pretty sure," I said, bouncing up on my toes to give him a quick kiss him on the cheek.

"Okay, then. Please be careful driving home," he warned me as he bent down and wrapped his arms around my waist. His blue eyes shone down on me as a lock of blonde hair fell into his eyes.

"Yes, sir. Good luck tomorrow, babe," I said, smiling up at him and brushing the stray hair out of his face.

"Thank you, baby. I love you," he smiled, kissing the tip of my nose. His gentle smile never failed to set my heart at ease.

"I love you, too. Now, you better get out of here and start packing if you plan on leaving after your interview," I teased and smacked his chest, feeling the muscles flex under my hand.

Carter laughed and leaned down to give me one last kiss. He got into his car, next to mine, and started to pull away. I waved to him as he pulled out, and then turned to my roommate, Chloe. She gave me an exaggerated frown and pulled me in for a tight hug. We pulled away, obvious tears forming in both our eyes.

We lived together for all four years of college, and I would miss her immensely. This was her last year at Georgetown, so I wouldn't being seeing her in the fall when I returned for my masters degree. Her dark eyes were glistening as she tucked her long, black hair behind her ears.

"Call me," she demanded.

"Of course. We will have to get together. I'll drive to Kentucky and kidnap you if I have to," I joked, squeezing her hand.

"Of course, darling. And don't forget, I'll be there for your grad party," she said, brightening up.

"Great, I can't wait! Love you, girlie," I told her one last time before I got into the driver's seat of my loaded car.

As I pulled out of the parking lot and drove through campus, I felt relief wash over me. The stress of finals and graduation was finally behind me, and I had an entire summer to look forward to. No more cramming, endless classes, or crazy scheduling. I smiled and turned the radio up as I made my way onto the interstate. On the long drive to my home in Ohio, my mind wandered.

I wondered what I would do if Carter got the internship he was interviewing for in the morning. I had planned on coming back to Georgetown in the fall to get my masters, mainly so I could still be with him; however, a bigger part of me wanted to be done with school and never return to Washington, D.C. again. But, if Carter would be here next year, then I would stick to the plan and stay in D.C. I worried how much time we would actually have together with him pursing his masters and completing his internship in the city. It was safe to assume he would be kept very busy.

We talked about finding a place to rent together off of campus. With Chloe gone, I didn't want to live with anyone else on campus, plus living with Carter would give us more time together. I could just move to the city with him and not attend school at all, but my parents would have a heart attack if I didn't return for my masters, so that wasn't exactly an option. Pushing all the worries out of mind, I let the wind blow through my hair. I had all summer to figure out what would happen in the fall.

After six hours, I finally pulled into my driveway and parked in front of the house. I got out and stretched my legs, yawning before grabbing my purse from the front seat and running up the steps to the front door. The scent of home cooking assaulted me as I walked in. I inhaled deeply and made my way to the kitchen. My mother was chopping potatoes at the large island in the center of the kitchen.

"I'm home," I sang as I tossed my bag on the counter.

"Hey, honey," my mother said as she wrapped her arms around me in a hug. "Glad to see you made it back safely. Especially while driving that car of yours. I don't know why you won't let us get you a new one."

I sighed and sat on the barstool as my mother went back to work on the potatoes. "I don't need a new car, Mother. We walk everywhere at school, anyway," I told her for what felt like the hundredth time.

"Well, it's a long drive home. I will talk to your father and see about finding you a more suitable car," she said, as if I'd never spoken.

Giving up, I gave her a kiss on the cheek and went out to unload my car. After several trips up the stairs with boxes and bags, my car was finally empty. I piled all my things up into the corner of my bedroom and promised myself I would deal with it in the morning. I threw my hair up in a ponytail and ran downstairs. My mother was still cooking the roast, so I went out the glass doors that led to the back yard.

My parents already had the pool cleaned and ready for summer, even though it wouldn't be warm enough to swim for several weeks. The patio furniture was out and neatly placed around the brick patio. The grass was lush and green, and I wondered how much it cost my parents. The back garden was perfectly pruned and manicured. My father probably had crews here at the first thaw to prepare for my graduation party, which was two weeks away.

I plopped down in a lounge chair near the pool and leaned back. The evening was warm, and the air smelled fresh and clean. Living in a large city made me appreciate my time in my childhood home even more.

We lived in a suburb about an hour east of Cleveland. The area was populated with expensive homes and large yards. We didn't have the traffic and crowding of large cities. It was quiet and green, unlike the loud and concrete jungle of DC. Carter grew up only a few miles from me. I always wondered why he preferred the bustle of the city to the calmness of home. For me, the city couldn't ever measure up to home.

With my eyes closed, my body relaxed into the chair. After several minutes, I heard the clanging of dishes from the house. My mother would be setting the table, so I ventured back inside for dinner.

After helping set the table, my family sat down at the table at exactly six o'clock. Dinner was at the same time every night. Never late and never early. If you were not at the table by six, you didn't eat. My father gave me a kiss on the top of my head before taking his seat. My parents sipped on their wine and asked me the usual questions about school.

"What is your schedule like next semester, Kallie?" my father asked as he cut into the meat on his plate.

"I'm not sure yet," I answered, praying he would drop the topic.

"What do you mean you don't know? You should have gotten your schedule when you enrolled before you left, correct?" my father asked, dropping his fork to the plate and making me cringe.

I sighed and looked down at my plate. "I didn't enroll for classes before leaving," I admitted reluctantly.

"What? Why?" my father asked, anger laced in his tone.

"I will before it's too late. I just didn't have time before I left," I told him.

"You will call in the morning," he said with finality. There was no more to discuss.

After dinner, I helped clear the table and do the dishes before escaping to my room to call Carter. After a short chat and ensuring he was packed and ready to leave tomorrow after his interview, I told him I loved him and hung up the phone. Looking at the stack of my things in the corner, I sighed. Rummaging through the bags, I finally found my clothes and took a hot shower. The hot water washed away the exhaustion and stress from the day. I changed into sweatpants and a tank top and crawled into bed. After the long day, it wasn't surprising when sleep came quick.

The house was quiet as I wandered around, looking for my mother. It was Friday morning and my father was at work. I wondered if it was always this quiet when I was away at school. Why did my parents still live in such a large house when it was only just the two of them? I looked at the family portraits lining the hallways. My mother's face always looked young and fresh. The things money could buy.

I grabbed an apple and took a bite while looking out the sliding doors to the back yard. Landscapers were pouring fresh mulch in the garden bed far in the back. I watched the men work in the sun, cleaning up the yard and clearing out leaves and debris. A man was pouring chemicals into a pond with a waterfall that wasn't there when I was home last summer.

"I need you to double check the guest list for your graduation party," my mother said as she waltzed into the kitchen, startling me.

"I am sure it's fine," I told her without turning around to look at her.

"Kallie," she warned.

I sighed and followed her down the hall to the office. She handed me a long list typed on red paper. There were probably over a hundred names on the list. I pretended to look over each name, only recognizing a few. I saw many of my close friends from high school and then Chloe's and Carter's name. I found my grandparents, cousins, aunts and uncles on the list. The rest were unfamiliar to me. I assumed they were friends of my parents.

"Looks great," I said, handing my mother the paper and turning to leave.

"Wait. The menu."

"Menu?" I asked, wanting to get away from all the planning. She nodded and stared at me expectantly.

We spent the afternoon going over the rest of the details for my graduation party. We planned a menu for the catering staff and the song list for the band. My mother was planning around a black and white theme. We chose the plates and silverware, the uniform the caterers would wear, and the centerpieces. It all screamed elegance and wealth.

Once the planning was finished and to my mother's standards, I flung myself on my bed and checked the text messages from Carter. He let me know that the interview went great and he was on his way to his parents. I texted him back, asking him to call me when he got home later tonight. I looked at the stack of boxes in the corner of the room again. Taking a deep breath, I started to put away my belongings.

After lining all my clothes in the closet, arranged by season and color, I decided to skip dinner. I didn't want to explain to my dad that I didn't call the university today. I unloaded all my makeup and beauty supplies and arranged them alphabetically in my bathroom. I lined the photo frames on the wall and put my books and notebooks on the bookshelf. It was dark when I finally finished unpacking, and I collapsed on the bed, completely exhausted.

The sunlight filtering in the windows woke me in the morning. I checked my phone and frowned when I didn't see a call or text from Carter. He must have gotten in very late. I took a quick shower and dried my hair before making my way downstairs, heading straight for the kitchen. Skipping dinner last night had left me starving.

I froze in my tracks when I took in my mother's face. She held a tissue in her hand and her eyes were red and puffy. She sniffled and stood up when she saw me in the doorway.

"Mom, what's wrong?" I asked, starting to panic.

"Kallie, Carter was in an accident last night on his way home from DC," she told me, and then pulled me in her arms.

"Oh, no! Is he okay?" I asked, trying to spin away and leave to go see him.

"Kallie," she said, tightening her grip on my arm. I stopped and turned to look at her. Tears started running down her face as she shook her head. "I'm sorry. He's gone, Kallie," she cried. "He ran off the road and crashed into a tree. He didn't make it."

The world around me went silent. I didn't breathe. I didn't blink. I felt every fiber inside me crumble and break into tiny pieces. As my insides collapsed and broke down, so did my body. I sat on the floor and heard the loud cries coming from deep inside of me. My mother knelt on the floor beside me and held my hand as I fell apart. After what could have been hours, my father helped me to my room, where I stayed all night.

Staring at the ceiling late at night, I tried to process what I was told. Carter couldn't be gone. He was an amazing person with a bright future ahead of him. It wasn't possible that there was a world without Carter Walsh. I couldn't imagine a Kallie Adams without Carter Walsh. I curled into a tight ball and sobbed my eyes out until sunrise.

The next few days went by a blur. Friends and family came to tell me how sorry they were. I would nod and thank them, feeling numb and dead inside. Carter's brother, Josh, came to see me. He told me the plans for the funeral and asked if I would speak at the service. Josh looked at me with pity as he told me about the accident. He gave me hug before leaving and promised to check in on me.

The funeral was a little over a week after the accident. There was an investigation at the crash scene, and my parents kept me updated, although I barely listened. Carter made it just within the state of Ohio before he met his fate. He lost his life only four hours from home, all alone. Skid marks at the scene suggested Carter was doing the speed limit. Toxicology reports showed Carter wasn't under the influence of any drugs or alcohol. I could have told anyone that. Carter never has, and never would, do any drugs of any kind.

As more details started filtering in, I completely blocked them out. I couldn't hear about how he died almost instantly. My mother seemed to think that it made me feel better knowing that he didn't suffer. My father thought it made me feel better that the accident wasn't Carter's fault. They talked about how the weather or maybe a drunk driver, or even an animal in the road, could have caused him to run off the road. According to them, I should feel better that it wasn't Carter's fault.

Nothing made me feel better.

Friends tried to get me out of the house to get my mind off it. I couldn't understand why anyone would think I could forget. All I could think about was that whatever I was doing, I should be doing it with Carter. After six years of being together, I wasn't sure how to be without him. I couldn't get out of the habit of checking my phone for his messages or calling him every morning.

The morning of the funeral, I woke up feeling more empty inside. I dressed in a black, tea length dress. I put on a pearl necklace and kept on the charm bracelet that I wore everyday. Then, I pulled my blonde hair into a tight, neat bun on the top of my head.Taking a deep, shaky breath, I looked at myself in the mirror. My eyes were red from the nights of crying, and my lips were chapped. I sighed and sulked downstairs to my parents' waiting car.

I was surrounded by friends and pulled into hugs as soon as I entered the funeral home. My eyes stayed locked on the closed casket on the platform in the front of the room. Carter's mother and father stood near the front, greeting guests. My own parents mingled and chatted with people, like it was just another social event. I took a seat alone in the middle of the room and waited for the service to begin.

I started to cry and a stranger handed me a tissue at some point during the service. I recognized the woman as Carter's aunt from New York that I had met at Christmas dinner a few years ago. The preacher spoke of heaven and God. Carter's mother told stories of her youngest son growing up. The words were muffled in my ears as I tried to keep myself from melting to the ground.

"Now, Kallie Adams has a few words to say. She was Carter's girlfriend of six years and our family is grateful to have known such a wonderful young woman. We are sorry she never became a part of our family officially," Carter's mother cried from the podium.

Josh helped his mom down the steps and back into the front row. He grabbed my hand and gave a gentle squeeze as I passed by on my way to the podium. Standing before Carter's friends and family, I played with the charms on my bracelet. My hands shook and my eyes burned from the tears. I took the tear-stained paper from my pocket purse and laid it out on the podium. Taking a deep breath, I started the only speech I'd ever made without his help.

"When we were in high school, Carter and I competed over being top of the class. We pushed each other. We were both named Valedictorian of our class our senior year of high school. That meant we were to give speeches at our graduation ceremony. Carter stayed up all night with me the night before to help me with my speech. The next day, at graduation, I gave my speech before he did. When Carter came forward and gave his speech, he left the auditorium in tears. Every single one of us. His speech blew mine out of the water," I sniffled, and some people chuckled softly.

"But, that was how he was. Carter was great at everything he did. He was brilliant and focused. Carter possessed a drive and motivation that I have never seen in anyone before. He gave his best effort in every single thing he did. He excelled in school and work. He loved fiercely and deeply. He laughed with such happiness that you couldn't help but laugh, too. He smiled with such brightness, it could warm the coldest of hearts," I paused as I wiped away tears.

"Carter would have continued to be amazing in everything he did in his future. He would have changed the world when he started his career in politics. He would have made an amazing husband and father. He would have been the best friend to anyone lucky enough to know him. The world is missing out on something great and spectacular. I'm lucky to have known him and to have loved him." When I finally finished, I broke down and let the tears flow as I made my way back to my seat.

## CHAPTER TWO

##

**_Kallie_**

Weeks went by in a haze. I walked around empty and lost. My parents went about life as if nothing had happened. My mother bugged me with little things to try to evoke some kind of reaction from me. Thankfully, my father avoided the topic of school at dinner for a few nights. I couldn't even handle the thought of going back without Carter. The morning I woke up and saw the large white tent in the backyard, I snapped.

I dressed in the all white dress my mother had picked up for me, filled with anger and resentment for having to go through today. I applied my makeup and put on the charm bracelet from Carter. He gave it to me the first year we were dating and added every charm on it over the last six years. I fingered the white-gold, heart charm.

Grabbing my phone and purse, I ran down the stairs and hopped in my car. I never looked back as I sped out of the driveway and away from that house.

I pulled over to the side of the road and let out a deep breath. I was sick of driving after four hours and was glad to have finally found my destination. I traveled up and down this road for over an hour looking for this very spot, unsure how I didn't see it when passing the first few times. I looked out the window at the tree on the other side road. Wreaths and flowers surrounded the trunk of the tree in memory.

I put the car in park and opened my door. My legs felt weak as they carried my body across the street. I knelt down in the moist grass as tears blurred my vision. Notes and cards from friends were covering the base of the tree. I reached out and ran my fingers over a framed photo of Carter with his high school soccer team. My throat closed up and I choked on the sobs breaking free.

I had to see this spot for myself. I spent every night for the last two weeks sitting at his grave site. I put my rose on the top of his casket before watching him get lowered into the ground. I saw his name carved permanently in granite. Now, I had to see the spot were his life ended. Friends from home and school made the drive to this little town, but I needed to make this trip alone.

I looked at all of the cards filled with "I love you" and "I miss you" messages. Photos of Carter smiling with friends and family were stapled to the tree and around the ground. The grass was torn up with tire tracks, and skid marks were still evident on the pavement.

Anger filled me and I punched the bark of the tree. Standing up, I kicked and pounded on the tree. The rough bark scrapped my hands, but it didn't make me stop. Tears soaked my face, and I cried out as I lashed out at the inanimate object in front of me. I kept hitting the tree until all the energy and anger temporarily left me.

I sat back down on the soft ground and leaned my back against the tree, picking at a blade of grass and tearing it in half. I thought coming here would make me feel better, but now I felt even worse. I thought seeing the spot where he died would give me some closure and that I would have somewhere to leave my anger and blame. Instead, I sat here feeling stupid for thinking I could blame a tree. Cater would tell me I was being irrational and emotional if he were here right now.

It feels like only yesterday that Carter and I were packing up my dorm room to make the drive home. We were dancing around my room and stuffing my things into boxes. I kissed him goodbye and told him I loved him at my car. I wished him good luck and waved to him as he pulled out of the parking lot of the campus.

He would never make it back home. It was the last time I would ever see him. He would never see me, or his family, after that. Today, he was missing my graduation party.

I stood and made my way back to my beat up car. Looking at my phone in the center console, I found eighteen missed calls and twenty-something text messages. I tossed the phone into my purse. I closed my eyes and laid my head back against the headrest. I couldn't stand being there today without Carter. I didn't think I could stand being anywhere without him.

Carter was a huge part of the person I was today. We were together for most of high school and all of college. He helped me and held my hand every step of the way. After six years of being with one person, revolving around one person, how was I supposed to move on without him? I begged my parents to cancel the party, but they insisted that it would be "good for me."

I glared daggers at the tree that ripped my heart right out of my chest. My insides felt tangled together, and my eyes burned from the tears. I put my trembling hands on the steering wheel. The silver ring on my finger unraveled me even more. Memories of the night Carter placed the five-year anniversary gift on my finger flashed through my mind.

I smacked the steering wheel and started up the engine. After several turns, the old car finally came to life. I didn't know where to go from here. I should have gone to the cemetery instead of making the ridiculous drive to see the tree Carter hit with his car, the place he took his last breath. At least in the cemetery I felt like he could hear me or was looking down on me. I felt nothing but anger here.

Hearing my phone vibrate in the seat next to me reminded me of another reason I drove here. I was avoiding home. I was avoiding seeing anymore sympathetic faces, or worse, faces pretending everything was the same. I was avoiding the friends Carter and I had made over the years as a couple. These people felt like strangers to me now that he wasn't here. I was avoiding his family that would surely come, to show support for the girl they thought would someday be family. Every face only made my heart break more.

I pulled my car off the side of the road and drove to the nearest town. Driving any further would take me out of Ohio. Small brick-faced shops lined the quiet street. Flower pots lined the sidewalks and one red light stood at a four-way junction. I felt like I stepped into another time, one in the past. I sat at what seemed to be the only red light in the town and looked in the window of an antique shop.

I parked on the street and looked in the rearview mirror at myself. My eyes were red and swollen. My hair was frayed and falling out of the neat bun it was pulled into this morning. I saw a coffee shop down the street a little way, so I grabbed my purse, figuring I would walk down and use the restroom to clean up and pass the time. Eventually, the calls would stop and people would realize I was not going to be there.

I stepped out the car and straightened my dress before taking off toward the cafe. The aroma of coffee assaulted me as I opened the door. The shop was long and narrow with a counter on one side of the room with a few small tables and chairs on the other. The place was decorated with vintage signs and artwork. The browns and blacks brought a warm and cozy feeling to the place.

Spotting a door in the back labeled "Restroom," I headed back before anyone could see me in my disheveled state. I locked the door behind me and dusted the grass and dirt off of my bare knees. I dug through my purse and retouched the makeup I expertly applied this morning. After reworking my long hair into the bun, I sighed and opened the door. The cafe was still empty, but voices told me at least some staff were still hanging around.

A young guy, about my age, appeared before me behind the counter. He had jet black hair, about chin length. His eyebrow and bottom lip were pierced, along with even more jewelry in his ears. His arms stretched out before him on the counter to hold himself up. They were covered in colorful tattoos from the wrists to under his short sleeves. He would look intimidating if it weren't for his eyes. They were a chocolate brown that radiated warmth.

"Coffee?" he finally asked with an amused smile.

"A large mocha latte, please," I answered as I dug for my wallet.

I watched him work on making my drink. At Georgetown, students were proper and clean. I haven't had many conversations with people covered in tattoos and piercings. I tried not to judge people and be accepting of all, but the contrast in his hard appearance and the soft look in his eyes completely threw me off. It went against all the stereotypes your mind makes up from television and movies.

"Passing through?" he asked as he handed me my drink and took my card to swipe.

"Kind of," I muttered while looking down at my outfit. I stuck out like a sore thumb in my formal dress and white high heels, which were now covered in dirt. It was obvious I shouldn't be here. I took my drink and card from him and found a table near the windows to sit. I watched as people walked in and out of the other stores and talked to each other on the street.

I took out my phone and turned it back on. Notifications of text messages, voicemails, and missed calls filled my screen. I debated turning the phone back off, not wanting to deal with home just yet. Navigating to the last voicemail, I listened to my mother's voice. She was tense and her voice was clipped as she accused me of being selfish and embarrassing our family. I almost laughed at the irony. I simply refused to play along with the facade. I would not pretend to be okay just to make ease everyone's mind and make them think I was alright.

My stomach rumbled and I was reminded I had barely eaten in weeks and my body was running on empty. The sky was turning a light purple color as the sun dipped behind the trees. A long drive home was not what I wanted, or needed, right now. I had no plan on what to do after I saw the tree Carter hit. This wasn't typical of me. I always have a plan, never setting out without one.

Pushing the worry to the back of my mind, I stood and made my way over to the counter. "Any good places to eat in this town?" I asked as I leaned over the counter to get Brown Eyes' attention.

Wiping his hands on his black apron, he came over to the counter. "Minnie's Diner is down Main Street a little bit. They have the best meatloaf."

Of course they would have a Main Street.

"But, she's actually closed for a few days. Staying with her daughter in Florida for her grandkid's graduation," he said, looking thoughtful. "There's Hank's, though. Great burgers."

I sighed in relief that Minnie's wasn't the only place for food in the town. I was amazed Brown Eyes knew this Minnie's personal business, though. He hardly seemed like the type to hang out with the diner owner-slash-grandmother. I guess everybody knew each other around here.

"Thanks," I said as I slung my heavy Coach bag over my shoulder.

"No problem. Hank's is on the corner to your right when you head out of here."

I nodded and made my way outside. The air was cool, and I scolded myself for not bringing any extra clothes, or at least a shawl. This is why I plan everything. I hate being stuck and without any control over the situation. I drove the short distance to the corner just so I wouldn't be without my car there. I glanced at the intersection, spotting a large painted sign with the name "Hank's" on it.

The one story building was brick and had no windows. A neon "open" sign hung in the glass door. This must be a bar, but I had no other option and was not about to start driving aimlessly in an attempt to find a more family-friendly place to eat alone. I parked my car and entered the building.

The smell of smoke and beer hit me. A long bar lined the wall with bottles of liquor filling the shelves behind it. Low hung lights with green shades gave the place little lighting. Several guys played pool in the back corner. Several other men stopped to look at me from the tables scattered around the room.

I took a deep breath and made my way to the bartender, who was watching me from the bar. The older man had graying hair and looked slightly overweight. I tried to ignore the fact that I looked like an alien in here with my stark white dress, expensive purse, jewelry, and high heels clicking on the weathered tile. I took the barstool directly in front of the bartender, feeling eyes watch me the whole way there.

"Lost?" he asked bluntly.

"And very hungry, sir," I said meekly and embarrassed.

He gave me a sad smile and handed me a sheet of laminated paper they called a menu. After quickly scanning it through, I ordered a burger and fries. I anxiously played with the charms on my bracelet while waiting for my food to come. I could feel the many pairs of eyes burning into my back, but soon the voices picked back up as I no longer was the center of attention.

I couldn't tell if it was dark out yet from inside the dark and dingy bar. I almost laughed when I thought of my mother's reaction if she knew where I was instead of her well-planned party. I never went out to bars or partied like my classmates did. I stayed in, concentrated on my studies, and watched as Chloe and the girls got ready to head out for nights of fun and drinking. I didn't imagine this would be the kind of bar they would go to, though.

My food arrived and I slowly ate the burger to stall from having to start the drive home. Driving in the dark on the winding country roads was the last thing I wanted to do. After all, I knew how dangerous they could be. Maybe Carter would be sitting on my patio with me right now if it had been daylight during his drive home. Maybe I wouldn't be in this smoke hazed bar alone.

I slid my card to the bartender once he took my empty plate. "Do you want to start a tab?" he asked me.

"For drinks?" I asked, like I'd never been in a bar before. "Yes," I answered quickly to cover my embarrassment. I could at least try to act like I knew what I was doing and remotely blend in. I grabbed my ID from my purse and slid it across the bar.

"What can I get you then, sweetie?" He tucked my card under the register.

"Scotch. On the rocks," rolled off my tongue before even thinking. I had no idea what I was thinking. I saw it in so many movies and commercials, it seemed like the right thing to say.

The bartender tried to hide his laughter and shook his head. Taking a bottle from the shelves behind him, he filled a glass and slid it in front of me. The smell burned my nose as I lifted it to my lips. He watched me curiously as I inhaled a deep breath. I took a long sip from the glass to keep up my rouse.

The liquid burned my throat and it felt as though I had swallowed flames. I instantly started coughing and shaking my head to clear the burn. I kept my eyes down on the ice cubes in my glass to avoid looking at the bartender. Surely, he must know how far over my head I am by now.

"Hey, Hank," came from a voice from next to me, drawing the worried man away from me.

"Ryder," he said back to the voice while popping the top off a beer bottle and sliding it across the bar. I didn't even hear the stranger ask for one.

I rolled the glass around in my hands and kept my gaze down. I just wanted to crawl up in a hole and hide from here, this bar, and from home and my family. But, I currently had no where to hide that wasn't any of those places.

"You're not from around here, are you?" I heard a deep voice say near my ear.

I looked up quickly to see the guy, apparently named Ryder, sliding over to the stool next to me. His eyes traveled from my high heels, up my bare legs, and over the rest of my body before landing on my face. I wanted to cringe away from his look, but my body made no moves. I could almost feel his eyes moving up my skin.

Even with an empty and broken heart, my mind could not ignore the fact that the face in front of mine was striking. Black hair spiked in every direction with a pointed jaw and high cheekbones that brought all your attention to piercing, dark brown eyes. Some stubble on his chin made him look older, but his broad shoulders and wide chest showed a body of someone younger. He raised one eyebrow at me, reminding me that he asked a question.

"Um... no. I'm not," I stuttered, turning away from his handsome face. He was the opposite of Carter in almost every way. I could see him watching me from the corner of my eye, so I took another drink to break the tension. My body shuddered as the Scotch burned it's way down.

"Hank, Mojito," he called out, slamming his hand on the bar.

Hank slid a tall glass with mint leaves and a clear liquid inside. I turned to look at Ryder in shock as he slid the Scotch away from me and downed the rest.

"This is better. Trust me," he said, sliding the glass closer to me.

In utter curiosity, I took a small sniff. The smell of citrus and mint was a delightful contrast to the previous drink.

"Thank you," I said, bringing the drink to my lips. I was instantly hit with the freshness of mint, lime, and bubbles from the mojito.

"Ryder," the stranger said, sticking out his hand. His eyes shined bright with amusement and something that looked almost daring, like he was challenging me.

"Kallie," I answered, putting my hand in his. His large hand covered mine. It was rough and instantly warmed my whole body.

## CHAPTER THREE

##

**_Kallie_**

"So, what brings you here?" Ryder asked after several minutes of silence as I downed the drink he ordered me.

The question caught me off guard. "Visiting." That wasn't really a lie. I was visiting, just not necessarily in the way he would take it. "Am I that obviously out of place?" I blurted as I reached for the new drink Hank slid to me.

"Yes," he admitted in all seriousness. I could only nod at his response. "Why are you alone? In a bar? A pretty girl like you should have someone to keep her company," he said, leaning in closer to look at my face.

The words stung me. I had no one. I was used to being surrounded by friends and family. And Carter. Now, when I needed them the most, I was alone. Granted, I just ran from everyone I knew as they gathered in my backyard and inside my home to celebrate. I couldn't celebrate and shouldn't have been expected to. I felt betrayed that no one seemed to agree. Even in my house, full of people, I felt alone.

"Nope," I spat out when I realized he was watching me closely, waiting for my answer.

His eyes roamed my face, like they were looking for the real answer. When I looked away and took another long drink, he gave up and drank his beer as well. The minty drink felt like heaven going down my throat. My stomach was warm and my cheeks were heating up. I quickly finished the drink so I could wait for my new one.

Patrons filtered in and out of the bar and were getting louder as time passed. Feeling a little bold, probably from the alcohol, I finally turned on my stool to glance around. The bar was more crowded than when I had entered. People mingled with drinks in their hands and laughed loudly at each other. The men at the pool table in the back were arguing. The two men stood toe to toe, glaring at each other. Just when I thought a fight would break out, they started laughing and patting each other on the back.

I shook my head and spun back around to find Ryder watching me curiously. He had one elbow leaning on the bar, while his other arm was casually resting on his faded dark jeans. His black t-shirt clung to his chest and hugged his biceps tightly. Colorful tattoos ran up his toned arms. I never thought Carter to be skinny, but he was not quite built like this. When I finally made my way back up to his face, Ryder wore a knowing smile.

Embarrassed, I distracted myself with my drink again. My head felt light and my thoughts weren't so loud anymore. I tapped my fingers on the bar to a song I didn't know and stopped to check out a chip in my nail. I hadn't gotten them done since I had been home. I should probably schedule an appointment.

"Darts?" Ryder asked as he stood, and then waited for me to follow.

He was taller than I expected. I stared up at him, wondering if that was the best idea. I was a young, pretty girl in an old, dirty bar. I was alone with some stranger asking to take my hand and lead me to a dark corner. His dark eyes were glued to mine while he waited patiently for my answer. I couldn't determine if he looked safe or dangerous, or a mixture of both.

Because I always do what's expected of me, I stood and grabbed the fresh drink Hank replaced. I let Ryder lead me to the dart board in the back of the bar. I should be going home, but the thought of home made me want to cry, while also feeling sick to my stomach. Here, I felt nothing but curiosity and calmness. I had nothing to do but throw a pointy object at a target on the wall. This would be the easiest thing I did all summer.

I was quickly proven wrong how easy it really was. I watched as Ryder picked up my darts from the floor... again. He laughed while pulling some of his darts out of the target. I couldn't begin to tell you how the scoring worked, but judging that he even made it on the board meant he was beating me.

I couldn't help but notice how completely opposite Ryder was from Carter. While Carter was blonde haired and fair-skinned, Ryder had black hair and a nice tan. Ryder was more built in the chest and arms than Carter was. Carter was athletic, but not busting out of his clothes. Ryder's eyes held mystery and more that I couldn't yet decipher. Carter's eyes were clear blue, like the sky, a window to his love and trust.

I tried to ignore the unease his intense looks were causing me. I just needed to be someone else tonight. He didn't remind me of Carter and send me into despair and heart break. For right now, that was exactly what I needed. Maybe, just for now, I could forget.

"Come on, you got to a least make one," Ryder teased as he came back to me and stood at the taped line on the floor.

I couldn't help the hysterical laugh that bubbled out of my mouth. Nobody else would have found it funny that I was failing at something. I succeed and I won and nothing less than that was acceptable. Ryder came up behind me, placed his hands on my hips, and started to move me forward. My skin under his hands burned. I tensed at his touch, but relaxed when I realized he was just letting me cheat. I'd never cheated before, and I laughed at myself again.

"Here. Try now," he chuckled and handed me more darts.

I closed one eye to focus on the dart board. I tried to line up the point with the center of the red dot and threw the dart as hard as I could. The dart made it all the way to the wall this time, only to bounce off the brick wall beside the dart board. I spun around quickly to find Ryder bending over, laughing so hard he was holding his stomach.

"Shut up," I said, slapping his back. "I made it all the way there this time," I bragged, clearly proud of my terrible throw.

We continued like this for a while. Ryder laughed at me while I tried again and again to score at least one point. Hank supplied me with continuous drinks. It was easy. Ryder didn't expect me to make a point and didn't seem to care that I was terrible at something or wasting our time. He didn't ask me any more questions, and I ignored my own questions that were burning a hole in the back of my mind. At that moment, I was numb and completely out of my element.

Pain throbbing in my head caused me to stir. I rolled over to push my palms into my eyes, and my whole body protested the movement. My throat was burning and my stomach churned. I laid still and willed the pain and sickness to subside. My stomach rolled again, so I sat straight up, ready to run to the bathroom. With my hands still over my eyes, I slipped my legs out from under the covers slowly.

The covers felt strange to me and my stomach sank even further. I wasn't in my own bedroom. Memories flashed back to me from the bar last night. The minty drinks and playing darts. Ryder. I didn't remember leaving. I dropped my hands from my face and looked around.

The room was dark, but some light filtered in from a crack in the curtains. The bed was low to the ground and covered in a black, thick comforter. The room opened up to what looked like a living room.

Movement to my right startled me, and I jumped out of the bed like it was on fire. Ryder's arms stretched out and rested behind his head, his bare chest exposed. Nausea hit me in full force as I stepped backward to find my white dress crumpled on the floor. Looking down, I was wearing an oversized t-shirt that I had never seen before. I spotted an open door in the corner of the room and realized it was a bathroom. I made it just in time to empty everything inside of me into the toilet.

My body was covered in sweat as I laid on the bathroom floor. I must have dozed off at some point. How classy. My brain felt like it was being crushed by a truck, and my throat was burning from throwing up. Or maybe it was the alcohol? I couldn't tell. The drinks were minty and fresh going down, but nothing like that coming back up. I spread my hands out on the cold tile floor, letting it cool me down.

I finally gained the courage to open my eyes. There was a towel under my head and two bottles of water and a bottle of pain reliever in front of me on the floor. I reached out, grabbing the water bottle and twisting it open. I tried drinking the water while laying on my side, but it took too much effort. I forced myself to sit up and then leaned back against the tub. I drank the entire bottle of water before opening the next one and grabbing the two pills.

Ryder must have brought these in for me. I found he pulled my hair into a messy ponytail as well. I vaguely remembered hearing his deep, raspy voice while I emptied my guts into his toilet. How embarrassing. I couldn't remember coming here last night or even leaving the bar with him.

Oh my god. Did I sleep with him? I wouldn't have done that, would I? How could I be sure? I was anybody but myself last night.

The bathroom was bare and white. A light blue shower curtain was the only color in the room. I leaned against the tub, letting the water hydrate me, and prayed the headache would ease. If this was what every hangover felt like, I would never try this again. With a shaky hand, I grabbed the edge of the sink and pulled myself off the floor. I barely recognized myself in the mirror.

My hair was in a big, knotted ponytail on top of my head, my mascara was smeared under my eyes, and my face was stark white. I turned on the water to splash some on my face. I tried to comb out my hair with my fingers, eventually settling for a slightly less messy bun. I had no idea what I would be walking into when I left this bathroom. I went home with a stranger after drinking myself stupid. This was a first for me.

I poked my head out from behind the door to find the bed empty. Sighing in relief, I ran over to my dress and quickly changed into it. The sound of voices caused me to freeze. I considered locking myself back in the bathroom to hide, but I was going to have to leave eventually and find my car. I took a deep breath and prepared to do the "walk of shame." I never thought I would do this.

As I came out of the bedroom, I heard a door close. Relief washed over me as I realized I was alone and could sneak out. I tried to balance on one foot while slipping on one of my heels and balancing my heavy purse on my arm.

"Coffee?" a voice startled me and I almost fell over. I looked up to find a girl, about my age, leaning against the counter, watching me with a smile and a cup of coffee in her hands.

I stared at her, unsure what to say. She was petite with long black hair, streaked with colors of blue, purple, and red. Her skin was white like porcelain and flawless. Her ears were lined with jewelry, as well as her wrists and eyebrows. She looked like she could have walked off the stage of a rock concert. She didn't seem as surprised to see me as I was to see her. I wondered who this girl was and why was she here.

"I'm Scarlett," she said, as if she'd read my mind.

"Kallie," I said, straightening up from my failed attempt of putting on my shoes. "Ryder?"

"Left for work. You look like you could use some coffee," she said, turning to grab a cup from the cupboard and pouring coffee into it.

"Oh. He didn't say goodbye," I whispered as I limped over to the breakfast bar in the small kitchen.

"Yeah. That's my brother for you," she mumbled, sliding my cup to me. That answered who she was.

I sipped on the coffee in an awkward silence with Scarlett. I could feel her watching me, sizing me up. She was probably wondering who the strange girl coming out of her brother's room was.

She finally broke the silence. "Where are you from?"

"Far," I snipped.

"Touchy subject? Noted. You want a ride to your car?" she asked as she bounced around the kitchen and rinsed out her mug. She didn't pry, even though she knew I was hiding something.

"I don't know. Is it still at Hank's?" I asked. I didn't want to admit to this stranger that I had no idea where I was, or where Hank's would be.

"I would assume so. I'm off today, so I can take you over if you want. Whenever. Shower if you want. Take your time," she said, smiling warmly at me. Her exterior looked hard and tough, but her eyes and smile looked caring.

"I'm okay. I'm ready when you are," I said, finally slipping on my other heel.

"Alright, then. Let's roll," she announced, grabbing a purse and keys off the counter by the door.

I got up and followed her. The door opened to a set of stairs going down. When we reached the bottom of the steps, another door opened up to an alley. I followed her down the alley to a parking lot, and we got into her little red sports car with a large wing on the trunk. She pulled out, and when we reached the stop sign, I recognized where we were.

We were on the main street in the middle of town that I walked down to get to the coffee shop. To the right and down a ways, I could see the bar. My black Mercedes was the only car in front. In a small town like this, everybody probably knew who I was and where I stayed the night before. We pulled up to my car after another minute or so of driving.

"How far of a drive you have ahead of you?" Scarlett asked while I dug for my keys in my purse.

I looked over at her pretty face. She seemed genuinely curious, and I knew I shouldn't be rude after she was nothing but nice to me.

"Four or five hours," I admitted. The thought of walking through my front door made my stomach churn again. I was never going to able to talk myself out of this.

"You okay to drive?" she asked.

"Yes. Thank you. Really, Scarlett. Thank you for the ride and everything," I said, feeling embarrassed.

I got out of her car and quickly into mine. I put my head on the steering wheel, trying to hold back the tears behind my eyes. I had to drive past that tree again. I had to see the spot where Carter died. All over again. A tree I drove all the way down here to see and ended up waking up feeling worse than I did before I left. I would be going home with more problems than when I'd left.

When I finally looked up, I noticed Scarlett was still waiting to pull out of the parking lot. There was no traffic in this town, so I knew she was waiting to see if I was okay. I thought about what a nice girl she was and I wished we could have met under different circumstances. In a different time and place, I could have really liked her and knew we would've gotten along.

After starting the car, I pulled my phone out of my purse and dared to turn it on. Again, the missed calls and messages blew up my screen. Tears now flowed freely down my face when I thought about going back. My parents were probably furious I missed brunch with the Stevens this morning. Who needs brunch when you feel so empty inside? No amount of food would ever be able to fill me up.

A strange sound brought me out of my wallowing and self-pity. My head snapped up to see smoke pouring out from the hood of my car. The car shut down and the radio cut off. I hopped out of my car, afraid it was going to explode. I stood in a panic, staring at the hood. Scarlett's car started backing up towards me and my new mess.

## CHAPTER FOUR

##

**_Kallie_**

Scarlett waved down an elderly man in the tow truck. I watched as he lifted my treasured car onto the bed of his truck. I was at a loss for words. I couldn't call my parents for help at this point. I was in deep enough trouble and couldn't handle more. I planned on lying and saying I stayed in some hotel, but I was in the middle of nowhere. They would know why I came down here. They told me no good would come from coming here and the trip would be unacceptable.

Scarlett looked at me with pity and gave me a ride to follow the tow truck, although I was sure I could have walked. I wasn't looking forward to stepping into another place in this town being an obvious outsider. We pulled up behind the truck to a garage. The hand painted sign and antique gas pumps outside made it seem ancient, like the rest of the town.

"We will get you taken care of, sweetie," Scarlett assured me, grabbing my trembling hands. "I know this sucks. We'll get it fixed, and you'll be on your merry way, okay?" Her face was so genuine and honest that I couldn't help but give her a faint smile back.

We got out of the car and walked up to the open garage doors. The truck driver got to work, lowering my car. A set of arms were visible from behind a propped hood. I let Scarlett lead the way since she seemed to know exactly where she was going. I walked through the shop trying to avoid the spots of oil and dirt, concerned for my white high heels. These shoes probably cost more than the car they were working on right now.

When the mechanic came out from under the hood, I froze in my steps. Ryder looked at his sister with his brows furrowed in concern and confusion. It is then I saw the resemblances between the two. The night black hair, the chiseled and structured faces with gorgeous eyes. They were both beautiful. The only difference was the skin tone. Ryder had a tan to him, whereas Scarlett was fair and light. His eyes shot to me and locked onto mine when he noticed I was following behind his sister.

I gave a pathetic wave because I had no idea how to react to this situation. His eyes were guarded as he wiped the oil off his hands and arms. The night before, he seemed more open and fun. Today, it's as though he never met me.

"Car broke down," Scarlett says to him.

He nodded at her and made his way over to my car that two guys were pushing into the garage. He said nothing to me, or anyone else, as he popped the hood and looked at the engine. After tinkering with a few things, he came over to us.

"Looks like you blew the head," he stated bluntly.

"Excuse me?" I asked, having no idea what that meant and thinking that sounded slightly perverted.

He rolled his eyes, clearly annoyed. "The cylinder head, a vital part of the engine, is broken. It busted, sprayed oil, and probably metal shavings, all throughout the motor. It needs to be replaced."

"Fantastic," I moaned out. This was exactly what I needed today. Hey, Mom and Dad, I've been in a strange town with a strange man. Oh and that car you always wanted me to get rid of? Well, it blew up. Oh by the way, I still haven't enrolled in my graduate courses. "How much?" I asked with my eyes closed.

"A lot. And these are not easy to find on an older foreign car," he said, walking into a little office with a window looking out into the garage.

I paced the garage while I waited for him to return. I never took the car into a shop, so I had no idea what to do next. Was I supposed to leave now or did I sit and wait for the car to be fixed? Scarlett followed him to the office and was talking to him with lots of arm gestures. Both looked out the window to glance at me every now and then.

Finally, he reappeared with a few of sheets of paper. Scarlett followed close behind him, seeming smaller now that she was next to his tall and built body. I let myself remember that I had her there with me. In a place where I was just alone as I was back home, I felt like I had a least one person on my side. I would take what I could get today.

"Here is the damage. This is just an estimate. It's gonna take a few weeks to get the parts. Sign here and we can get you scheduled," he said, pointing to a line on the last page.

My eyes bugged out at the total. "Is my car even worth this much?"

"To some," he deadpanned.

"A few weeks?" I screeched. "How much to get this done right away? I cannot wait that long. Absolutely not."

"Look, sweetheart," he stepped closer to me, invading my personal space. "Your money is just as good as anyone else's here. We have other customers in front of you. Customers that deserve their vehicles just as much, if not more, than you, Princess. Your car is a fancy foreign car and the parts are not easy to find or quick to get. So, you will wait your turn."

I stepped back, shocked by his rudeness. I saw Scarlett's tiny hand come up to his shoulder. His eyes were dark and boring into mine from above. He looked angry and disgusted with me. I should have been on my way home so he would never have to deal with me again. Was this really the guy that I played darts with? The guy who gave me water and pain pills when I was sick?

"Excuse me, please. I need a minute," I said, turning on my heels and taking off, out of the garage. I walked across the parking lot and across the street without looking both ways. I saw a wooden bench with flower pots of pansies on each side. It looked like the perfect place to rest and collect my thoughts.

I had the several thousand in the bank needed to pay for the repair. That was not the big issue. The idea that I was going to need to call home and confess what I was doing was tearing me apart. I played with the charms on my bracelet and struggled to catch my breath. I didn't know if I could handle my family right now. Certain things were expected of me, and finding a way to cope with the death of Carter and a huge piece of myself was not one of them.

Ryder casually watched me from across the street. His arms were folded over his chest as he leaned against the wall of the building next door to the shop. His sister glided across the street to me. Although she wasn't conventional looking, she was still breathtaking.

She took a seat next to me and didn't speak for a while. Ryder eventually wandered back into the garage to work on the other cars that came before mine. I was going to have to get the car fixed before I told my parents. If I told them what happened, they would get rid of it and find me something new and shiny. Something that didn't hold the memory of my first kiss. Carter kissed me for the first time, and more importantly he told me he loved me for the first time, in that car. I was too attached to let them take it away from me.

"Is there anything I can do?" Scarlett asked gently.

"Like what? Scarlett, I have no car, no clothes, my phone is about dead, and I have no one to call to come get me or any where to go," I snapped. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to be rude." I was never rude. I was always polite and did and said what was expected.

"Need a ride home?"

"I don't want to go home," I whispered, and the thought started cutting off my air supply. My chest felt like it was caving in on itself and I took deep breaths to keep from passing out.

"Okay, how about this?" she said, turning toward me like I didn't just bite her head off. "Go sign off on the repair. We will drive into the city and go shopping. We can get you more clothes, a phone charger, and grab some lunch. Then we can take it from there." She looked at me with bright eyes and a smile. She was almost impossible to say no to. I only just met her, but I believed her, and trusted her, already.

When I nodded, she grabbed my hand and dragged me back across the street. She shoved me into the garage and gave me a big smile. Ryder saw me enter and started to come over to me. I waited while he cleaned up the grease form his hands and grabbed the paperwork for me. When he handed me the clipboard, I quickly signed, without looking at him.

"How long do you think it'll take?" I asked, shoving my bank card at him.

"A couple days after we get the parts. It could take weeks to get them in, though. I will keep you updated," he said with a fake smile.

"Right. Sure you will. You never want to see me again, obviously," I mumbled, while ripping off my heels in the middle of the garage. "My feet are fucking killing me." I quickly covered my mouth and looked up at him with wide eyes. I didn't know what was coming over me.

"Phone number," he pointed to a line next to where I signed my name. He looked at me with an amused smile, and his eyes sparkled like they did at the bar last night when he was teaching me how to play darts.

I wrote down my number and stormed off towards Scarlett's car, barefoot. I got in the passenger seat without waiting for her and smiled to myself. I stood up for myself and said what I was actually thinking. For once, I did what I wanted to do. My phone started ringing in my hand. I hit ignore when I saw the word "Home" on the screen. I smiled over at Scarlett as she hopped in the driver's seat and started up her car.

We drove in silence for about half an hour before we entered civilization. Strip malls and fast food restaurants lined the road. I took a calming breath, feeling more in touch with the real world. My phone was continuing to buzz in my hand. I felt slightly guilty for ignoring the calls from Chloe. She was my friend and wouldn't act like my parents had, but I couldn't talk to her. I just couldn't bring myself to talk to anyone. I needed a step away from my life.

"Where to, girly?" Scarlett asked.

"I need something to wear. Pull in here, please," I asked, pointing to a strip mall with some department stores.

She did as she was asked and found a parking spot. Worry suddenly filled me when I saw my home number flash on the screen again. It occurred to me that they could actually be concerned with my well being. What if they called the police and reported me missing? That thought made me hit answer on the screen.

"Hello," I said tightly, closing my eyes, waiting for the scolding.

"Kallie Marie Adams!" screamed my mother. "Where are you? How could you just leave like that? Do you have any idea how embarrassing that was for us? Your father had some very important people here yesterday. And then brunch this morning!"

I zoned her out as she rambled on about how I had inconvenienced them and the money they wasted on the event. Scarlett pretended to be occupied with her phone, but I was positive she could hear my mother screaming through the phone.

"I'm at school," I cut her off. I had no idea where the lie came from, but it might be the only other place, other than home, that would be acceptable.

"Now? Kallie, you had obligations here," she said, clearly still angry.

"I am aware, Mother. I had to enroll for the masters program before it was too late. I just couldn't do the party, Mom. I'm sorry. It was too much," I whispered.

She was silent for a few seconds. "When will you be home?" she asked, calming down a little.

"I don't know. I might stay here at the apartment for a few weeks. I just need some time to regroup," I said, hoping she bought the line.

I should be going home. There was nothing for me in this town. I should just ask a friend to come get me and get the new car my parents have been begging to get me. But thinking of going home felt like a knife to my heart, and I just couldn't seem to make myself to do it. Here, no one knows what I am going through. No one is expecting anything from me.

"This way I can get my books early. You know, go and scope out the classrooms and study up. That way I am ahead when the fall comes," I added. I wasn't sure when lying became a skill of mine.

"Fine, Kallie," she sighed with defeat. "You will need to write thank you cards to all the attendants with an apology."

"Yes, ma'am," I responded, relived she was giving in. "I need to let you go, my phone is going to die. Goodbye," I ended the call before she could ask any more questions. I quickly turned off my phone and tossed it into my purse.

"Ready?" Scarlett asked, putting her phone away and opening her door.

I got out, too, grateful for the privacy. She had to know I was lying. There were no schools around here. She waited for me to catch up to her and we walked into the store. She didn't ask any questions and I loved her for it.

I quickly grabbed some nice jeans and some cute tank tops. I grabbed some underwear and a few bras, too. I was careful to not look so out of place by getting clothes only a rich, city girl would wear. I also grabbed a pair of flip-flops and running shoes. I couldn't stand another day in these heels. I gave in and grabbed two more summer dresses. One was a pink halter dress that was light and rested just above my knees. Scarlett would toss a cute top at me every now and then, and I would toss it over my arm.

Scarlett's eyes opened wide when she heard the total and I handed over my card to the cashier. We were able to find a phone charger at the electronics store in the strip. Scarlett took me to a drug store where I grabbed a hair brush and some other stuff I needed. I tossed my bags in the trunk and smiled at myself. I felt less alone and deserted when I had the necessities. Scarlett drove us over to a bar and grill restaurant down the road.

"Lunch is on me," I said, rummaging through the bags in trunk. "I'm going to change in the bathroom here." I pulled out an outfit and shoved it in my purse.

"You don't need to do that," she said.

"It's the least I could do. Thank you for doing all this," I said, looking at her and hoping my eyes told her how much I really mean it.

Scarlett grabbed a booth while I snuck off to the bathroom. I shoved my overused dress in my purse, and then threw on some skinny jeans and a red tank top. I brushed my hair and pulled it into a high ponytail before applying some quick mascara and lip gloss. That would have to do. I slipped on my new flip-flops and found Scarlett in our booth.

"I hate to ask, but what do you plan to do next?" Scarlett asked as our food arrived.

"I honestly have no idea. Wait for my car to get done, I guess," I mused as I bit into a burger. The food in my stomach was bringing me back to life.

"That could be weeks," Scarlett said with weary eyes. "Where do you plan to stay?"

"Is there a hotel anywhere?" I asked.

"Well, here would be the closest ones. But you have no transportation, so you should stay in town. Mrs. Fling has a cottage in town, but her nephew is staying there for the summer so he can help her maintain her land. She doesn't get around as well as she used to."

"Poop," I sighed. I hadn't thought this out at all. I just knew I wasn't going home. I didn't have anywhere to go or a way to get anywhere else. I put my head in my hands and stared down at my plate.

"You're not a psycho killer, right?" she asked.

"What? No! Why?" I stuttered, shocked. Where was she going with this?

"Good. Why don't you stay with me then? You can crash on the couch until we get your car or find somewhere else."

"Scarlett, thank you, but I can't impose on you anymore," I refused, shaking my head.

"Yes, you can. I don't mind. You don't have any other options, dear. I want to help you," she insisted, grabbing my hands across the table. "You look like you need it."

I sighed, because she was right. "Thank you," I said, giving her a big smile.

"Great," she clapped as the waiter left the bill and took our cleared plates. "I'll let Ryder know to expect a guest tonight."

"What?" I squeaked. She just gave me a sly smile.

## CHAPTER FIVE

##

**_Ryder_**

I shoved my phone back in my pocket and gritted my teeth. Today was only getting worse. I had a pounding headache from drinking too much, and that was only the first mistake I made last night. The second mistake I made won't seem to go away either.

I left her at the apartment this morning with Scarlett to get rid of. She was sick and I was as helpful as she was going to get. I felt like crap and was running late for work. Since she was sleeping on my bathroom floor this morning, I was forced to get ready in Scarlett's bathroom. I burned my arm on her hair straightener, just to start the day off right. Feeling bad for her, I left her some water and pills before I ran out the door.

I figured she would leave and I would never see her again. She obviously wasn't from around here and was probably lost. I didn't buy her lie that she was visiting. She wouldn't have anything to do with anyone in this town. I was counting on her not being around in the morning.

Everything about her screamed rich and perfect. Her dress alone probably cost more than my truck. That wasn't even counting her shoes and jewelry. Her light blonde hair and great legs caught my eye as soon as I walked in. She looked adorably lost and confused when she tried to drink some Scotch. I pitied her and ordered her a mojito, which she seemed to enjoy.

I couldn't quite figure her out. She looked alone and scared sitting all by herself in a that dirty old bar. She looked deep in thought and I bit my tongue to keep from asking what was on her mind. My curiosity and boredom got the best of me.

As she loosened up from the alcohol, I hoped to get the truth out of her. I couldn't explain why I wanted to know so bad, but I did. When I caught Bruce and Ed eyeing her up from the pool table, I decided to keep an eye on her. I didn't owe her anything and shouldn't have really cared, but the big brother in me stepped up. Those two had a reputation, and this little thing didn't look like she could defend herself.

Hank gave me a warning look as he kept her supplied with drinks. I knew this look. He was always sticking his nose in my business. Apparently this little angel had a sign on her forehead asking to be protected. I had my own reputation in this town. Everyone here does. He knew I would only end up hurting her.

When I moved her to the back to play darts, I was just trying to get away from Hank and his disapproving looks. I saw her checking me out, then turning pink and shy when I caught her. I should have left then, but I was up for a challenge. She was the opposite of the kind of girls I would normally take home and thoughts this could be fun.

The game of darts turned out to be the most entertaining game I ever played. She was terrible. Not one dart made it to the board. I watched her face grow red with frustration. She was getting so worked up over a game of darts. When I pushed her closer to the board, she gave me a look of shock. I couldn't help but laugh at it. She was really too good to cheat at a bar game. We couldn't be any more different.

When it became obvious she wasn't walking out of there on her own, I tried to find out how she would get home.

"Where do you live, sweetheart?" I asked close to her ear so she could hear me. I felt her shiver. I didn't like how much I liked to feel her shiver.

"Far," she slurred and stumbled closer into me.

"Do you have someone that could pick you up?" I asked her.

She grabbed my arm to balance herself. I stared at the contrast of her white, dainty hands on my dark, tattooed arms. Her perfectly manicured nails and sparkling rings looked even more delicate against my toughened, weathered skin.

"Nope. I'm all alone," she said, turning serious. I saw the sadness and grief behind her eyes. Her beautiful blue eyes glazed over.

How could she be alone, have absolutely no one to love her? She is the kind of girl that boys fight over and then ask her father's permission for her hand in marriage. She is the kind of girl surrounded by friends and family who all fawn over her. A girl whose parents carry a photo of her in their wallet just to pull it out and brag about it in line at the bank.

I pulled her up straighter and walked her out of the bar. I couldn't leave her there. The big brother in me needed an ass-kicking. I held her upright as I guided her out to the parking lot. I struggled to keep my hands from drifting to explore the rest of her. She looked prim and proper on the outside, but my intoxicated mind wondered what she looked like under the dress.

Her dress did little to hide the perky chest and toned body under the thin fabric. Having her cling to me was testing my resolve. I could smell her sweet scent and feel the softness of her skin. As we walked down the street, I clenched my jaw in restraint. If she wasn't so wasted, I would be trying to keep her pressed up against me like this all night long.

I knew I should have stayed away from her the moment I saw her sitting on that barstool. Girls like that didn't need guys like me. Guys like me didn't need girls like that. She was good, pure, and everything I was not. In my experience, it was never a good idea to be a good girl's idea of rebellion, either.

Walking into work late this morning didn't help my day too much either. Travis followed me all the way from the parking lot to the office, barking at me for being late. I ignored him and tried to keep my temper in check while I looked at my to-do list for the day. I still had to finish Mr. May's Ford.

"Were you out drinking all night again, Brooks?" Travis accused, grabbing my shoulder to stop me. If he wasn't an old man, I would have knocked him on his ass.

"Dude, I'm here. Lay off," I said, brushing him off. He stormed out of the shop, grumbling to himself.

I popped the hood of the Mustang and started finishing up the blower we were installing. My head popped out when I saw Travis lowering a car down from the tow truck. I wasn't aware of any pickups today, and we don't normally get many emergency calls out here.

I started to wipe the grease off my hands and arms as I came out from under the hood. My sister came bouncing in with an apologetic look. Behind her, Miss America dodged puddles of oil and looked around in disgust. I could see the worry in her eyes over her expensive shoes, and then the shame in her face when she saw me. At that moment, I remembered why I never liked her kind before.

I took a good look at Kallie's car. I shouldn't have been surprised she drove a Mercedes. It was in great condition for its age. The engine overheated and cracked the cylinder head. Oil and antifreeze soaked everything under the hood. The whole motor was probably toast. You need to turn off a car when it's overheating to avoid serious damage.

A Georgetown parking pass was stuck to her windshield. Not only was she rich, but she was smart. People in this town were lucky to graduate high school. Scarlett was enrolled in community college, and I couldn't be more proud of her for doing something with her life. Just another reason this lost girl didn't belong around me.

Explaining the car fiasco to the Princess only upset her. I tried not to get angry with her and remember the privileged were used to getting their way. She was young and probably not used to being told "no." That's what I told myself to keep my temper in check when she threw a little tantrum about waiting weeks for her precious car.

This was probably her beater car, anyway. We had clients here that were loyal, and more importantly friends, and that meant more here than her money and power. I knew money wasn't a concern for her; she just wanted this done as soon as possible. I wanted her gone as well, but I couldn't pull a rare engine out of my ass.

When she stormed off across the street, Scarlett gave me a look that could kill. Ever since we were toddlers, we could communicate with just looks. We chalked it up to a weird twin thing. Scarlett could give a look that could scold you more than my mother's screaming ever would. I shivered and looked away from her.

I watched in confusion as she stormed out of the garage to watch Kallie, where she was sitting on a bench across the street. Scarlett knew me better than anyone. She knew I didn't have relationships, and I wasn't the nicest guy, either. Watching Kallie, I could see she was shaking from crying and I almost strode across the street to comfort her. I stopped by Scarlett and leaned up against the wall next to her, trying to look causal.

"What's her deal?" I asked.

"Don't know. She doesn't seem to want to go home, but has no where else to go," she answered.

"And no way to get there, either," I added.

Scarlett mentally slapped me across the face, and I stepped back from the fierce look. She turned and went across the street to sit with Kallie. Scarlett was always the caring one. She was the one with feelings and a heart. My mother used to say we were both one half of a perfect person. I was the bad half, and she was all the good.

When Scarlett led Kallie back to garage, I had her sign the paperwork to start the job. The two girls left without telling me where they were going. I didn't bother asking them, though. Maybe Scarlett was taking her home. She could send her chauffeur to retrieve the car in a few weeks.

A quick search online proved the engine would be harder to find than I thought, and I knew it wouldn't be easy. The few I found were overseas and would cost more than the parts just to ship. I was sure money was not the issue for her, but explaining to Travis to pay for it up front wouldn't be easy. I printed up the listing and decided to talk to Travis about it later. Maybe the Princess would pay a deposit.

I went back to working on Mr. May's car for several hours. I texted Scarlett a few times to see where she was. I never got an answer, which was odd for her. She always had her phone glued to her hand. She must be really mad to ignore me.

I buried myself in my work, trying to keep my mind off the brokenhearted look on Kallie's face when she left the garage. I knew nothing about her and didn't need to. She was better off leaving her car as scrap and never looking back. This town eats you alive, and you will never walk out of it unscathed.

My phone started ringing and I quickly grabbed it out my pocket, hoping it was my sister. I was shocked to see Logan's name on the screen. He rarely called, mostly texted. I quickly answered the phone, waiting for an emergency.

"Yo," I answered, wiping grease off my hands and arms.

"What's up, dude?" he asked, sounding casual.

"Not much. Working. Everything okay? You never call," I asked.

"Well, if you didn't ignore my texts, I wouldn't have to call," he snapped.

"Whatever," I brushed him off.

"Bonfire at my place this weekend. You guys should come out," he told me.

Logan's fires were legendary around here. Everyone who was anyone would be there. We would light pallets and furniture on fire, making flames almost two stories high. Scarlett and I went to every one since we were freshman in high school.

"I don't know, man," I mumbled. The last bonfire I went to turned into the worse night of my life. I didn't know if I could ever go back there without thinking about that night.

"Oh, come on. You guys gotta come," he whined. "You only call me when you need a ride home after drinking, which is happening a shit load lately, and it's not fun for me."

He was right. He was always there for me whenever I needed him. I called him up too many times to count already this summer, wasted and needing a ride. I'd known Logan since the second grade, and since then, the two of us, along with Scarlett, were inseparable. I couldn't just blow him off because I was miserable. Most importantly, I didn't have a clue how to talk myself out of it to Scarlett.

She would know immediately something was wrong. I would never skip one of his parties. It was always my duty to light the pile. It was a tradition. I was also not the kind of guy to turn down unlimited amounts of alcohol. She would know I was avoiding his place for a reason. A reason I never wanted her to know about.

"We'll be there," I finally told him.

Logan was finally satisfied and let me off the phone. I finished up Mr. May's car just in time for him to pick it up on his way home from work. After handing over the keys, my phone buzzed in my pocket again. I pulled it out and saw red.

**_Kallie is staying with us for now. Be nice. Shut up. - S_**

## CHAPTER SIX

##

**_Kallie_**

We pulled up to the parking lot and we grabbed my bags from the trunk. My heart was racing with the anticipation of seeing Ryder. I had no idea how to act around him. I had only ever been with Carter, so awkward moments with strangers like this never happened to me. I took a deep breath and followed behind Scarlet to the stairs leading to their apartment.

I figured if he was going to act like nothing happened, then I would do the same. He obviously wanted nothing to do with me, so I would stay out of his way. I would keep my head down and get out of this town in one piece as soon as my car was repaired. Since Ryder wants me out of town just as bad, he will most likely rush my car along.

I dropped my bags on the floor once we entered the apartment. Scarlett gave me a quick tour of the place. There was a small kitchen to the right with a breakfast bar that opened into the living room. The living room had a small plaid couch, a large recliner and a big-screen TV. Scarlett motioned off to Ryder's room, which was through the French doors off the living room. I blushed thinking how intimately I already knew that room.

Scarlett's bedroom was smaller and on the opposite side of the living room. There was another bathroom next to her room. The bathroom had a beach-themed shower curtain and was decorated with seashells and shades of tan and blues. The counter was littered with hair products and makeup.

"This bathroom is pretty much mine. Ryder never uses it," she explained when she caught me checking out all girly stuff.

"I can tell," I laughed.

"Anyways, that's it. Make yourself at home," she told me, flopping herself onto the recliner.

Sitting on the weathered couch, I let out a breath I didn't realize I was holding. My body sank into the cushions. The couch may have looked like it had better days, but it was probably the most comfortable piece of furniture I'd ever sat in. I closed my eyes and tried to push away all the questions and worries flooding my mind.

A door closed, startling me, and I jumped up off the couch. Ryder was in the kitchen dropping keys on the counter and giving me a quizzical look. I looked around the living room and realized Scarlett was no longer there. I must have dozed off. I opened and closed my mouth, trying to come up with something to say to him.

"Oh good, you're home," Scarlett said, saving me from any further embarrassment.

"I am," he grunted back at her. "I see our house guest is here, too."

"Yep," she chirped. I couldn't tell if she was ignoring the tension, or was completely unaware.

I decided it was time that I finally spoke and stepped up the bar. "How much do you guys want for me staying here?" I asked. I didn't need him to think I was a leech.

"This isn't a hotel," Ryder grumbled while grabbing some beers out of the fridge. He slid one over the counter to me. I shook my head and slid it back. I didn't need a repeat of last night.

"We can figure it out tomorrow," Scarlett offered, glaring at her brother and taking the beer I denied. "So, what should we do for dinner?"

"I'll cook," I said stupidly.

"Oh great! Are you a good cook?" Scarlett asked, leaning across the bar like she was in suspense.

"Um," I was reaching for words.

"You can't cook, can you?" Ryder said, giving me a knowing smile.

"A little," I said, starting to google recipes on my phone. I didn't have any idea what I was looking for.

"Don't hurt yourself, Princess," Ryder said while rummaging in cabinets and the fridge.

I bit down on my tongue to keep my mouth shut. I shouldn't be rude to my hosts, even if the host was a condescending jerk. I shoved myself back and stomped back to my spot on the couch. I could hear Scarlett and Ryder talking quietly to each other in the kitchen while they cooked. I sat silent and waited.

After what felt like forever, but was probably only twenty minutes or so, Scarlett came in and handed me a plate of rigatoni. Ryder turned on the TV and found some action movie. I was grateful for the sound breaking the silence, but my mind was anywhere but in this room. I numbly put the noodles in my mouth and chewed, keeping my eyes glued to the screen in front of me.

Tomorrow would be a new day. Without the heaviness of a hangover on me, I hoped I would feel lighter. I hoped my phone call home bought me a few more days before my mother or father called again and I would need to come up with another lie. I had a stroke of genius today when I told them I was back at school, but I wouldn't trust that I would be able to do it again. Tomorrow would be better. After dinner, I started to wash all of our dishes.

"You know how to wash these, Princess? We don't have a maid here," Ryder said in my ear while I rinsed a plate.

"Yes," I said through gritted teeth.

"You had maids?" he asked as he moved to lean on the counter next to me.

"Yes, but it doesn't mean I never did anything for myself. I live on my own in college," I defended myself while I stacked plates a little too roughly.

Ryder put his hands up in surrender and stepped back away from me. "Alright," he said as he backed out of the kitchen.

I finished the dishes and didn't hesitate when Scarlett suggested a shower. I grabbed all my bags from the shopping trip and darted to her bathroom. I turned the water on, letting it warm up. I dug through the bags and realized I didn't really buy anything to sleep in. I settled on a tank top and a cotton pair of shorts I planned on wearing on a hot summer day.

I stepped in the shower and let the water rush over my entire body, imagining the water rinsing the dirt and grim from the day away. I wished it would wash away the whole day, the night before, and Ryder. I borrowed Scarlett's shampoo and body wash. I would need to get my own if I was going to be staying here. I stayed under the hot stream longer than needed. I finally forced myself out, realizing it would be rude to use up all the hot water here.

I got out and took extra time drying off and applying lotion. I didn't want to have to go back out there and sit with two strangers, who seemed to already know more about me than I did about them. When my hair was dry and I was dressed, I ran out of ways to stall. Bracing myself, I finally opened the door to find the living room empty. Both bedroom doors where closed, but Ryder's lights leaked under the crack of his doors. A folded quilt and pillow was waiting for me on the couch.

I tiptoed over the couch and quickly got under the covers. I pulled the blanket all the way over my head and forced deep breaths into my lungs. The TV was still on, but turned down quietly, distracting me from the stillness and quiet. I prayed sleep would come quickly. It was dangerous being all alone with nothing to keep my mind at bay.

I couldn't think about tomorrow yet. I was always the girl with a plan. Without a plan, the rest is chaos, and only disasters come from chaos. My life had been chaos since the day I was told about Carter's accident. No matter how much planning I did, or my parents did, the mayhem would still be there. Stirring up everyday inside my head and inside my heart. Now, I was just waiting for the disaster to hit. Tears rolled down my cheeks.

When a noise woke me up some time later, I pulled the blankets away slowly to peek out. A topless Ryder was sitting on the counter, waiting for coffee to finish brewing. For a moment, I was distracted by his chest, only to realize he was looking right at me and had caught me staring. To cover my embarrassment, I started to stretch and sat up on the couch. I gave him a small wave and started to the kitchen.

"Morning," I greeted, trying to avoid eye contact.

"Have you been crying?" Ryder asked me, leaning down to get a better look at my face.

"What? No, of course not," I told him while I ran my hands over my face frantically. He grabbed my arm and gently pulled me closer to him. When I was finally between his knees, I gave in and looked up at him.

His stare was hard and concentrated. His eyes roamed my face and I felt naked under his gaze. He was trying to read me. I started to squirm, and his grasp on my upper arm broke. I quickly darted over to the cupboard, grabbed two coffee mugs out, and started to pour coffee.

"So, what brings you to the middle of nowhere, Princess?" he asked, clearly not giving up.

"Quit calling me that, please," I snipped back. "Cream?"

"Black," he said, grabbing his cup. "What are you running from?"

"Who says I'm running?" I countered.

"Are you in danger, Kallie?" he asked, his voice getting low and softer.

"No! Really, I'm not," I insisted and turned to look in his eyes. "Just passing through."

He searched my face and seemed satisfied with my answer. "So, what are your plans for today?"

I halted my stirring of the coffee. Plan. I had no plan. I can't remember the last time I woke up in the morning and didn't have an entire schedule for the day. I had no plans for today, tomorrow, or the rest of this summer. I had no idea what I was going to do with myself.

"I don't know," I whispered and resumed my coffee. "Drink this coffee."

"Good idea. Well, I have to get to work. Scarlett won't be up until afternoon," he said as he left the kitchen.

I took my coffee to the couch and scrolled through my phone. My Facebook page was full of friends wondering where I had disappeared to. Many offered condolences on my loss and promised they were there for me if I needed them. I looked at every single name and doubted they really would be. They were just saying what was expected of them to say. I doubted many of them would even pick up their phone if I called them right now.

Against every voice in my head screaming at me, I clicked on Carter's name that linked our relationship. Thousands of posts made by friends and family covered his wall. People posted how much he would be missed, how terrible it was to lose him, how they couldn't believe he was gone. Some posted memories they shared with him, like it was just another message to a friend. Carter wouldn't respond. He couldn't read these posts, and probably wouldn't have cared even if he could. He was gone.

My phone was shaking in my hands and a tear dropped on the screen, blurring the pointless words. I quickly wiped them away. I couldn't stand anymore crying. My eyes were raw and dry, and my heart was already shattered beyond repair. I opened my eyes slowly to see Ryder leaning in his doorway watching me. I looked back at my phone and ignored him.

Thankfully, he said nothing as he grabbed his keys and headed out the door. I put my phone on my new charger in the kitchen and finished my cup of coffee while trying to think of something to do today. I needed some more clothes and other essentials now that I was stranded here for who knows how long.

Scarlett finally came stumbling out of her bedroom a few hours later. I laughed at her as she poured a cup of coffee with her eyes closed. Her black hair was a rat's nest and her mascara was smeared under her eyes. I waited for her eyes to adjust and they finally met mine. She smiled and brushed her frazzled hair out of her eyes.

"Not a morning person?" I joked.

"Is it still morning? I'm going back to bed," she grumbled, putting her cup down.

"Oh, no you don't," I laughed and grabbed her arm to stop her. "I'm going to die of boredom."

"Fine," she gave in. We drank the rest of the pot of coffee in silence. I was just grateful to have the company. When I was lonely, my mind wandered to dangerous depths.

"Would you mind running me into town again today? I think I need a few more things," I asked when I felt she was awake enough to answer.

"Of course, doll. Let me get ready," she said as she skipped off to the bathroom.

I smiled to myself when I heard the shower turn on. I struck gold when I met Scarlett. She was the complete opposite of anyone I was friends with back home. I doubted I would even have talked to her several weeks ago. These past two days, she had been my savior. In all honesty, she was the closest thing to a friend I had right now.

Scarlett kicked opened the door wrapped in a towel and motioned for me to join her. I sat with her while we straightened our hair and applied makeup. She borrowed my lip gloss and I borrowed some of her blue eye shadow that would match the dress I wanted to wear today. It reminded me of being in high school and getting ready for a dance with the girls. I quickly shoved the memories away when I remembered who my date was to every single dance.

After we finished our hair and faces, I followed Scarlett to her room while she told me about a tattoo she working on for a client. She dropped her towel and I turned away, not prepared to see her naked. When I turned back around, she had put on a red lace bra with a bow in the center and a matching thong. Her pale skin was painted with colorful designs from her wrists up to her shoulders. Black angel wings spanned her entire upper back. The shading and detail made them look like you could reach out and touch feathers.

"You like?" she asked, and I realized I was coming closer to look at her art.

"It looks so real," I awed with amazement in my tone.

"We do some really good work. You should come in sometime," she suggested, pulling jeans on.

"Maybe," I lied. My parents would kill me. I followed her lead and got undressed to put on the pale blue summer dress she picked out for me the day before.

"Oh my God! You have virgin skin," she shouted while grabbing my arms to get a better look at my almost naked body. "Not a mark on you."

"I have strict parents," I explained meekly.

" You're like a blank canvas," she said, giving me a grin that told me she was full of evil ideas. I grew nervous.

Once we dressed, Scarlett drove us into the city and to the same mall we went to yesterday. I remembered to grab some sweatpants and comfortable clothes to sleep in. I was also able to get some more cosmetics and hair products. I was glad I wouldn't need to borrow someone else's shampoo and soap again tonight. I already felt like enough of a burden for staying there, I really didn't want to keep using all her things, too. Scarlett talked me into some bright colored eyeliners and a pair of knee-high biker boots. She even got this colored paint to put in my hair that would wash out. I could tell Scarlett was trying to push my limits today, but I let her.

Leaving the mall and walking to her car, I felt different. I was smiling and excited for the possibilities for the first time in a while. I could have a different look tomorrow. I could do something different tomorrow. I had no one to answer to and no plans for the foreseeable future. It was both liberating and terrifying.

"Now lets go home, get you hot, and go out tonight," Scarlett said, pulling out onto the country roads.

"What? No. Where?" I stuttered out.

"You will see dear," she said, giving me her signature grin.

## CHAPTER SEVEN

##

**_Kallie_**

When we got back to the apartment, Scarlett put some music on while we got ready. Ryder wasn't home when we got in and part of me was relieved. The other, and very stupid, part of me wanted to see him. I just couldn't figure him out. One second he was all over me, and then in another he was distant and cold, and back to caring and soft. My head couldn't take any more curve balls.

"Keep the dress," Scarlett said, stripping out of her jeans and shirt. I was amazed with this girl's comfort with being almost nude around strangers.

"Yes, boss lady," I said, giggling. I was always the nerd sitting on the sidelines while the girls got ready for a night out.

She shoved me to sit on her bed and dumped the bag of goodies we bought today out next to me. "This blue will match perfectly," she said, pulling out one of the temporary hair colors. I didn't have a good enough excuse to deny this to her. Scarlett expertly applied colored streaks to my hair and touched up my makeup. I tried not to appear nervous that I couldn't see what she was doing to me. Finally, she squealed in delight and let me get up to go to the mirror.

I barely recognized the girl looking back at me. My eyes were the first thing I saw. Blue eyes appeared under thick black eyeliner and thick, long lashes. Blue and silver shadowing brought all attention to them. My hair was teased and looked like I'd just got out of bed after an amazing night. The electric blue streaks in my hair did match the blue dress perfectly. My cheeks were pink, and my lips were plump and glossed over.

"Wear these," Scarlett said, tossing a pair of black heels that tied up the ankles. "And this." She then tossed a black, heavy padded bra that she put on the counter today while I was checking out at one of the stores.

Doing as she asked, I pulled the dress down and turned around to change into the bra. I fastened the clasped and noticed the difference already. I had more cleavage than normal, and they seemed perkier. I pulled the dress back up, over my chest, and put the heels on. I took another look in the mirror. The dress seemed shorter with the heels, and my legs actually looked sexy and long. I smiled to myself when I realized my parents would kill me if they could see me now. Everyone I ever knew could come down to this one horse town looking for me and wouldn't be able to even recognized me.

Scarlett wore a short black mini skirt and a white tank top. She wore biker boots and the only color I could spot was in the tattoos running down her arms. Her hair was in a braid going over her shoulder and she wore spikes in her ears. She put on heavy black eyeliner and dark eye shadow. She reminded me of the gothic group in high school that I avoided. I wondered if all the people I pushed away could have meant as much to me as Scarlett did to me now, if I had only given them a chance.

"Ready?" she asked, looking at me in the mirror.

"As ready as I'll ever be," I admitted.

She nodded and I followed her out of the apartment. We walked past her car and to the street. I figured in this little town, anything could be walking distance. I followed her down the sidewalk, hoping my feet would hold up for the journey. The town looked different during the night. The streets, that looked alive during the day with neighbors and old time friends, were dead in the darkness. All the buildings were dark and the sidewalks were deserted. Eventually, I spotted the only light on that shone down on the vintage sign.

"Hank's?" I asked incredulously.

"Only place we can go around here, babe. Unless we plan on driving," she explained. I didn't want either one of us driving. I lost enough due to driving.

Walking into the bar with Scarlett was different from when I walked in here a few nights ago alone. Everyone stopped to see who was entering, but then went back to their business. A few eyes lingered on our bodies a little longer, but it wasn't because we were so out of place. Scarlett confidently led us straight to the bar. The older man, I remembered as Hank, stood behind the bar and waited for us to approach.

"You again?" he asked me.

"You remember me?"

"It's not often we get someone new in here, sweetheart," he said with a friendly smile. "I thought you were just lost."

"Well, now I'm a little stuck," I said as I looked around nervously. All hopes of blending in or hiding behind Scarlett's shadow were shattered. Without asking, he made me a mojito like the ones I was drinking the other night. I smiled back at him and took the drink to distract myself.

"Scarlett?" he asked.

"Shots. Tequila," she said, motioning to the two of us. She slapped down a wad of cash and two shot glasses replaced the money. She took one and handed the other to me. I hesitated with panic; I'd never taken shots before. "To first shots," she said, giving me a huge grin.

I watched her put the glass to her lips and dump the golden liquid down her throat before she slammed it back on the bar. Empty. I learned not to smell if before, so I followed her lead and tossed my head back, swallowing all the liquor in one gulp. I shook my head and bounced on my heels to rid the burn that ran through me. We both laughed together, like someone just told a joke.

"What are you two doing here?" a deep voice interrupted. I looked up to see Ryder glaring down at his sister. He was wearing jeans and a black, tight tee shirt. His arms and hands were still covered in grease stains. I took a sip of my mojito and got ready to watch the exchange.

"Hanging out. Mind your own," Scarlett snipped, putting her hand in his face and turning it away from us.

"Looks like trouble to me," he said with his eyes on me. I felt them travel from my toes, up my bare legs, and then to my face, lingering on my chest longer than needed. My body was warm everywhere his look touched. I squirmed to rid my skin of the unwanted heat.

"Someone being a protective big brother?" I teased to break the tension.

"Please, four minutes doesn't count," Scarlett said, waving off my comment. The shot was already in my blood because I laughed harder than I should have. "Keep them comin', Hank."

Two more shots appeared in front of us and I took it without thinking this time. I used the mojito to cover up the burn in my throat, which was a genius idea on my part. Ryder took a stool next to his sister, but didn't try to stop us. He drank his beers and ignored the loud drunk girls next to him. Shortly after, we wandered over to the jukebox.

"What you wanna play?" Scarlett asked with slurred words. Hank honored her demand and kept the shots coming for us.

"You pick," I said, leaning up against the machine for support. The alcohol was making me feel warm and light inside. I forgot what I was doing here in the first place.

"Maybe we don't need to pick a song," Ryder's voice came from behind us as he put an arm over each of us. We both leaned into his strong body as he led us back to the bar where we started. When we were both plopped on stools, he spun Scarlett around to look at her. "What's eating you?"

"Nothing," she said, shoving him back and grabbing my hand.

She pulled me off my stool before I could even catch up with their conversation. She stopped in between a few tables, lifted my hands above my head, and started moving to music I could barely hear. I moved with her and swayed my hips to the beat as well. Finally, the music was turned up louder.

I closed my eyes and danced to the music. Scarlett never let go of my hand and I couldn't tell if I was protecting her, or the other way around. Anytime someone came to join our little circle, we would move away. After a few dances in our own little world, large strong hands grabbed onto my shoulders.

"We need to go," a voice rasped in my ear. I could feel Ryder's breath brush down my neck and back, making me shiver.

"I don't wanna go," Scarlett whined. "You can't make me."

"Yes, I can, and you don't want me to do that. Now, lets go," Ryder growled.

I nodded and pulled the oblivious Scarlett towards me. She stumbled into me and I almost went down with her. Ryder reached down and held us both steady. He led us both out to the front door where a black SUV was parked and waiting.

"Yo! I know I said call me whenever you needed a ride, but it's been almost every night for the last few weeks, dude," the driver hollered to us.

"Shut the fuck up," Ryder growled as he shoved Scarlett into the back seat. When he reached for me, I stepped back out of instinct. He put his hands down, so I stumbled my own way to the car and pulled myself in next to my new best friend. Ryder closed the door behind me and got into the passenger seat.

"Logan," the driver said, reaching his hand back to me.

"Kallie," I responded, placing my hand in his. He reached it up to his lips and placed a kiss on the top of my hand.

"Whore," Scarlett blurted from her fetal position in the seat next to me. We laughed and Logan pulled out of the bar's parking lot.

Before I knew it, we were already at the apartment. Logan got out of the car and climbed in the backseat to help Scarlett and I get out. Once we were both perched up against Ryder, our driver got back in his car and pulled away. Ryder helped both of us up the steps to the apartment. Both of us girls were laughing hysterically every time we missed a step, which was a lot. Ryder was patient and the trip up the steps took longer than it took for us to walk to the bar. We both flopped on the couch, laughing at each other and a clearly annoyed Ryder.

"What? We can't have some fun, too?" Scarlett asked sarcastically. "You get plastered on a daily. For being my twin, you sure are an ass."

"Just hush," Ryder waved her off while he went to the kitchen. He came back with two bottles of water and the bottle of pain pills. "You should take these now."

I nodded and took one of the bottles and swallowed the pills. Memories of waking up on the floor in his bathroom came flashing back to my mind. I really hoped I didn't feel like that again tomorrow morning. Scarlett got up from the couch and stumbled toward her room.

"Good night," she slurred and flopped belly first on her bed, the mattress squeaking under her. I snickered and shook my head at her. The movement made my head hurt a little and I held my head in my hands.

"You good?" Ryder asked, touching my knee. I just shook my head. "You gonna be sick?"

"No. I don't think so, anyway. Head hurts," I answered, looking back up into his face. I could see the concern there. His brown eyes were clear and locked on mine, looking for answers.

"Do you want to sleep in my bed?" he asked. I raised my eyebrows. "I mean, I can take the couch. You would be closer to a bathroom."

"No, I'm fine. Thank you," I said and leaned my heavy head back against the couch. "I will be just fine."

"Okay, if you say so. Yell if you need anything," he said, patting my knee again before heading to his room.

That man was a walking contradiction. At least with the buzz I had, my mind was quiet. I wouldn't think about how the concerned look on Ryder's face reminded me of the way Carter would look at me. I used to get so stressed out over finals that I would pace the room constantly. Carter would watch me with that same look, then finally grab my shoulders and tell me I was going to do great. I would instantly believe him.

I would need to talk myself down from the ledge on my own now. That thought terrified me, but I had no other choice. Having no choice is a familiar feeling for me, I should be used to it. Maybe being down here, alone and away from everyone I know, would allow me to get better. I could get better for myself and not because everyone was looking at me, expecting me, to carry on.

Tickling on my upper thigh made me stir. I heard shuffling and felt movement on the couch that made my eyes pop open. Light streamed in the windows behind me and burned my eyes, making me groan loudly.

"Sorry. Didn't mean to wake you," Ryder said in a raspy voice, looking down at my thighs. "But your dress was getting dangerously high." I followed his stare and he was right. My already short dress was riding up my legs and another shift would have had me flashing him my panties.

"Sorry," I muttered, pulling the thin fabric down a little lower. Ryder's eyes grew dark as he watched my hands. I stared at his throat as he swallowed hard. Heat bubbled deep in my stomach and my skin tingled where his eyes were roaming. I felt naked and exposed laying on the couch next to him like this.

He coughed and got up to go to the kitchen. I let myself catch my breath and waited for my pounding heart to slow down before sitting up. I pulled the blanket over myself, trying to gain some composure. I hated how my body reacted to him. My body must have good memories from our sleepover a few nights ago that my mind didn't.

"How are you feeling?" Ryder called from the kitchen while pouring coffee.

"Not great, but okay enough," I answered. My head was aching and my feet were sore. My hands were shaking, but I wasn't sure if it was from the alcohol or waking up to Ryder and the way he made me feel. He strolled into the room easily and handed me a mug. I gratefully took a huge gulp of the hot liquid. "Thank you. How is Scarlett?"

"She's fine. Already off to work. You going to be okay here by yourself today?" he asked, taking a seat on the other end of the couch.

"Yeah. I will be fine," I nodded. What other option did I have?

We drank our coffee in silence and finally Ryder retreated to his room. I heard his shower kick on and I decided to go back to bed. I was never one to sleep in late, but I had been nothing like myself, so why go back now? I woke up hours later, well into the afternoon. I dragged myself into the shower and scrubbed the night away. I dressed and decided I needed stronger coffee to shake this hangover.

I walked down to the main street and looked both ways. Deciding which direction I thought the coffee house was, I started walking. The day was warmer than it normally was in early June. People bustled around the old fashioned town, walking and riding bikes on the sidewalks. The main street was lined with benches with flower pots in full bloom on each side. Cars slowly cruised by, and I enjoyed the slow and quiet pace.

I grew up in the suburbs and was not entirely thrilled at the thought of moving to D.C. It was Carter's dream, so I had always agreed when he talked about moving to the big city. The idea of big buildings, congested traffic, and the lack of a big yard bothered me, but I just wanted to be with him.

Being a politician's wife never mattered to me as much as it mattered to my parents. They would constantly remind me that every impression I made was important for when I became his wife. I was constantly trying to be perfect and worrying about what everyone thought of me. The thought of being in the limelight, for everyone to judge, was terrifying, but I would do it for Carter. I just wanted to be by his side and nothing else mattered to me.

## CHAPTER EIGHT

##

**_Kallie_**

I pushed the doors open to the familiar cafe and spotted the same kid that served me a few days ago.

"You're still here?" he asked, obviously checking me out.

"Yep. Large Mocha Latte. And can you add an extra espresso shot, please?" I asked and slid my bank card across the counter.

"Sure thing. Anything else?" he asked. I looked into the case of pastries and considered a muffin. "I just baked some brownies. My own special recipe. It'll be on the house," he said, giving me a big smile.

"Sure, thank you." I gave him the best smile I could. My body still felt weak and I was hoping the coffee would bring me back to life. He swiped the card and went to make the coffee. He came back, handing me the cup and a little brown bag. I told him thank you again and left the coffee shop.

I let the fresh air whip across my skin. The sun was warm on my face and I enjoyed the coffee on the short walk back to the apartment. I let myself in and found the place was still empty. I paced the small living room before realizing what I was doing. I forced myself to sit at the breakfast bar and tried to finish the coffee without any nervous tendencies. I pulled out the brownie and munched it down to keep myself busy. I left the other one in the bag for later.

I eventually settled on the couch and turned on the TV. I spotted a cartoon and started laughing hysterically at the talking dog. He was arguing with a talking baby with a British accent; it was the funniest thing I had ever seen. My sides hurt from laughing so hard that when the show finally ended, I was almost relieved. To my delight, another episode was on next. I kicked off my shoes, pulled my feet up on the couch, and sat back to continuing enjoying the show.

Halfway through the episode, I jumped up when I heard the door open and Ryder came in. I waved enthusiastically at him and went back to my show. After another laughing fit, I noticed Ryder watching me with a curious look.

"What?" I asked defensively.

"Are you watching Family Guy?" he asked me, coming in to look at the TV.

"I don't know what this is, but it's super," I laughed.

"You've never watched this before?" he asked incredulously.

"Nope," I said, popping the "p" sound a little too much.

He shook his head and walked back into the kitchen. He picked up the brown paper bag and empty coffee cup and examined them. Hearing the rustling of the paper bag perked my interest.

"Oh! I forgot about that. I'm starving," I said, getting up and rushing him for the bag.

"Where did you get it?" he asked, holding the bag up over his head and out of my reach.

"It's mine," I whined, hopping up and down, trying to reach the treat.

"Who gave it you?"

"That boy at the coffee place," I huffed and pouted like a child. "Can I have it now? Please?"

Ryder looked down into my eyes and sighed. He reluctantly handed me back the bag, and I quickly pulled out my precious brownie.

"Why did you ask for one of those?" he asked, watching me break it into little bit-sized pieces.

"He gave them to me for free," I exclaimed with a full mouth. I offered him a piece, but he shook his head and mumbled something under his breath. His eyebrows came together and I wanted to reach up and smooth out the lines on his forehead. A laugh bubbling up from deep inside me was all that stopped me from touching his face. When Ryder glared at me, I only laughed harder.

"You're so mad," I giggled and pointed at his scowl.

"And you're high," he pointed out. I stopped laughing.

"No, I'm not," I told him, confused.

"Yes, you are. It's in the brownies, sweetheart. They're called _special_ brownies," he said with sly smile, placing emphasis on the word _special_.

"Huh," I said, going to the fridge.

"What are you doing? And that's all you have to say to that?" he asked, sounding almost angry.

"I'm extremely thirsty. And I am being very rude just helping myself to your stuff." I realized it was and quickly closed the fridge door. After a moment, I changed my mind. "But I've never been rude before. So, here I go," I sang out and rummaged through the fridge.

"Here," Ryder said, gently pulling me out of the way and reaching behind all the beer to grab a can of soda.

"Thanks," I said before opening the can and quickly chugging some. "Why am I still hungry?"

He laughed at me. "It's called the munchies. You've never smoked before, have you?"

"No, never," I admitted, shaking my head back and forth quickly. "Am I going to die?" I whispered, wide-eyed.

Now it was his turn to laugh. "No, you'll be fine. Don't worry so much," he said, plopping down on the couch. "I won't let anything happen to you."

Embarrassed, I followed him to the living room. I had no idea what I was thinking. I was a smart girl, and I knew I wouldn't die from ingesting a laced brownie. It wasn't scientifically probable. I sighed and laid down on the floor, stretching my arms and legs out.

"This isn't so bad," I thought out loud.

"No?" Ryder asked, eyeing me curiously.

"Not really. I stopped thinking."

"What do you not want to think about?" he prodded.

"Everything and nothing," I said, closing my eyes.

"Cryptic," he laughed.

"My parents would kill me if they could see me right now," I mused. "Here's a photo for the community newspaper. Kallie Adams. Stoned!"

"Want me to send them a photo?" Ryder joked, pointing his phone at me.

"You should," I giggled. "I don't want to be her anymore. I just want to be someone else. Anyone else."

The door opened and stopped me from any more mouth diarrhea. I smiled at Scarlett as she came in the room and stared at the two of us.

"What's going on?" she asked her brother.

"She had some of Scott's brownies," he told her while I nodded along with his explanation.

"Uh oh," she said coming over to me. "How you feeling?"

"Fine. Don't baby me. I'm cool," I said, acting tough.

"Right," she said as she stood. "You let her?"

"No. She was like this when I found her," he told her, raising his hands in defense.

"Can I get a tattoo?" I interrupted the two.

"No," they both said without even looking at me. They seemed to be having their own argument without words.

I struggled to pull myself up and glared back and forth at the two. Ryder finally saw me and tried to hide a laugh. Scarlett just looked concerned when she finally looked at me.

"To be honest, I don't really need permission," I said, completely serious.

"I know, babe. I just think we should hangout at home tonight," Scarlett said. "You know, get some movies and pizza and just chill out."

Pizza sounded amazing. I pretended to be considering her offer for a few seconds so I didn't look like I was a pushover.

"Fine. But I really do want a tattoo," I said, leaning back and putting my feet up on the couch. "And piercings. Oh! And we should dye my hair black or purple," I said, getting excited.

"One step at a time," Scarlett laughed as she browsed through the movies on a shelf near the TV.

"What's with the sudden bucket list?" Ryder asked, leaning down to look at me. He was suddenly the only thing I saw.

"I don't want to be me any more. I can't be that girl. I want to forget that girl," I said. Tears blurred my vision and broke the spell he had on me. I quickly sat up and drank my pop. Ryder took the hint that the conversation was over.

I had to be careful; I was letting my guard down. The second I told them the truth, what I was going through, they would look at me the same way everyone else did. I couldn't handle that. I couldn't look at another face full of pity and not think of how I lost Carter. I didn't want to be the girl who lost Carter; I wasn't her anymore.

Scarlett called off movie names, but I barely listened. My mind couldn't focus on anything. When it seemed like they finally settled on a movie, she put it in the player and went to the kitchen to call for pizza. I crawled up the couch next to Ryder and waited for someone to push play. When the previews started, I realized we were watching a scary movie.

I never really could stomach gore and never could make it through a scary movie without hiding under the covers. I usually stuck to safe chick flicks and comedies. The new Kallie would embrace the terror and horror. I bounced up and down, excited for my new adventure. Scarlett sat on the other side of me and tossed me a light blanket. I pulled my knees up to my chest and held my breath during the opening scenes.

A girl was running from an old farmhouse and through the woods, covered in dirt and bloody cuts. My heart raced in my chest. Her breathing was hard and she kept looking behind her as she ran. The screen finally showed a large man with a disfigured face stalking behind her. I jumped and grasped the blanket in my hands. I heard the two giggling, but I couldn't seem to laugh back.

I watched, wide-eyed and on edge, while the young girl ran away from the monster. Her clothes were torn from the branches and she was screaming for help. I clenched the blanket, waiting for her to reach help. Just when I thought she would burst through the darkness, a large blade came through her chest, making blood squirt everywhere.

I screamed and pulled the covers over my eyes. Scarlett and Ryder laughed at me while I peeked over the blankets and watched her body get dragged away. Words flashed across the screen, and suddenly, kids were roaming around a college campus. I let out a sigh of relief and lowered my shield. I glanced at Scarlett and she was texting on her phone. I glanced over to Ryder and he was watching me with a smirk.

I glared back at him for finding my terror funny. His hand came over and rested on mine as he leaned close to me. He squeezed and massaged my hand, loosening my grip on the blanket. "Your knuckles are white," he whispered in my ear. His breath tickled me. All my senses were on edge already.

When my grip let go, my hands ached. I didn't realize how hard I was holding on. I wiped my sweaty palms on the couch and watched the screen. The movie didn't seem scary at the moment, so I let my breathing and heart rate return to normal. Finally, we heard a knock on the door. Scarlett hopped up to grab the door and Ryder grabbed the remote to hit pause.

Scarlett took the recliner and I took her spot on the couch, while Ryder sat at the very opposite end. After we were all settled with plates of pizza and wings, the movie started again. I shoved food in my mouth like I hadn't eaten in days. I licked my fingers clean of the wing sauce and chugged almost a whole two-liter of Coke. I sat down my plate when the six college kids showed up at the farmhouse from the beginning.

I leaned back against the arm of the couch and fought the urge to yell at the screen, telling them to run away. They were walking into trap and would all be killed. With my nervous energy as the idiots explored the house, I stretched my legs out on the couch, making sure to leave Ryder plenty of room. I grabbed my invincible blanket and got prepared.

I waited on edge for the deformed maniac to pop out and scare the crap out of me. I kept telling myself not to scream when it happened. A firm squeeze on my foot caused me to jump. I looked down and Ryder was holding one of my feet still, while the other shook with nervousness. I shrugged and gave him a sheepish smile. I hadn't meant to disturb him.

I clenched the blanket harder and pulled it closer to my face. His hand didn't let go of me and I tried to keep the other foot still. One of the more slutty girls was running through the basement, that she should have never gone into, and my foot shook faster. Ryder grabbed the free one and held it still as well. I pulled the covers over my eyes when the killer came closer, peeking just over the edge.

Ryder's hands started to rub my feet. It was so gentle at first that I barely noticed. His fingers made circles on my heels and my muscles started to relax. The killer got the slutty one in the basement and I covered my face as he slashed her up. I glared over at Scarlett when I heard her laugh at me.

Ryder's fingers moved to my ankles and slipped my socks off. I didn't dare to look down at him. I didn't know what to say to him if he looked back at me. I didn't want to tell him to stop, although I should. His rough, calloused hands massaged my ankles and moved up higher on my leg. My eyes stayed on the screen, while my mind stayed on his hands.

His touch tickled, but was rough at the same time. I concentrated on the sensation of his touch. My skin flamed and sizzled where his fingers rubbed and grazed. His hands rubbed and burned from my ankles and higher up my legs. Carter held my hand during movies, but he didn't sensually touch and massage me. My breath quickened and my heart raced, only I didn't think it was from the movie.

I was only mildly terrified as I watched the deformed man chase down and kill the rest of the group. Most of the time my mind was thinking about how good his touch felt. When the credits finally ran, I let out a breath of relief. Ryder's hands slowly drifted back down my legs and disappeared.

"Did you shred my favorite quilt?" Scarlett teased as she carried the plates to the kitchen.

"No. This thing is made of steel, didn't you know?" I called back to her.

"You feeling better?" she asked me.

"Yes, actually. Not so fuzzy," I told her.

"Good. I'm heading to bed. I got work tomorrow. Good night, babe," she said, leaning in to give me hug.

I hugged her back and squeezed tightly. "Thank you," I whispered in her ear. She nodded and let go of me.

I smiled at her back while she headed to her room. I had no idea why she decided to help me, but I was glad she did. I would have no where to go but home. She took in a stranger, and I couldn't say I would have done the same thing in her position. That made her a better person than me. It didn't matter who had more money, or a better job, or good grades. My parents, money, and looks didn't give me a bigger heart than Scarlett's.

"Well, I guess I'm hitting it, too," Ryder said, standing up.

"Oh. Okay," I said, trying not to sound disappointed. "Good night."

He looked down at me for a second before responding, "Good night."

He turned and headed back to his room. I wished I remembered sleeping in that bed with him. Even if I would never do it again and it turned out to be the worse decision of my life, I wanted the memory. I wanted to know what something different was like. He turned off the lights before going into his room.

"Wait," I called out. "Can you leave them on?" I asked when he poked his head back out.

"Really?" he asked me, shocked.

"Yeah. Don't make fun of me," I scolded.

He gave me a gentle smile and turned the light back on. Before closing the French doors to his room, he called out, "Don't go in the basement."

I jumped up, locked the front door, and ran back to the couch. I grabbed my protective blanket and crawled underneath. My exhaustion quickly caught up with me and I drifted to sleep, wondering what Ryder's hands felt like on the night I can't remember.

## CHAPTER NINE

##

**_Ryder_**

After what seemed like the longest day of work ever, I finally stumbled in my apartment. I spent most of the day on the computer looking for an engine for Kallie's car. Not only was the car old, but it was also a special edition. It probably cost someone a small island when it came out. I found just a few, but they were overseas. Travis would never go for the shipping costs.

I would just keep looking. Kallie would eventually give up waiting for her car and go home. I needed her gone and out of my apartment. She had trouble written all over her too good body. Something about her made me want to know her. I wanted to know what was eating her up inside. No good would come from getting closer to her, and I needed to just stay away.

The apartment was quiet when I walked in and I was relieved for the alone time. I knew the girls would be back at some point to get ready for tonight. It was hard enough to deal with Scarlett, but dealing with another woman was too much. On my way to my bedroom, I heard music and voices coming from Scarlett's room. I sighed. So much for alone time.

I hurried and jumped in the shower to avoid the girls. I stood under the water longer than usual. I had a feeling tonight would be unlike most nights at Logan's. I would assume Scarlett would insist on bringing along Kallie. Tonight, I would not only have to keep on eye on my wild sister, but now, another girl I barely knew.

After I dried and got dressed, I decided to check on my sister. I knocked on the door and opened it when she called out. When I opened the door, I saw Kallie lying on her stomach on Scarlett's bed. Markers were lying all around her on the bed, and Scarlett sat on top of Kallie, drawing on her upper back.

I came in closer to see what she was drawing. A big red bow was drawn on the back of Kallie's neck. The bow was drawn with amazing detail, showing delicate lace, and the ends of the ribbon flowed down Kallie's back. Scarlett was filling in the shading with marker. The bow looked so realistic; it was like you could reach out and untie it from Kallie's body.

Scarlett was always an artist growing up. She would create beauty, whereas I would destroy. Scarlett was going to school for graphic design and worked at the tattoo shop in town on the weekends and during the summer. Every time I saw a piece of her work, I was always amazed. It didn't matter how often I saw her art, I was always blown away with her talent.

"What's going on?" I asked while looking around her mess of a room and trying hard not to think about the fact that Kallie was only in a bra and jeans.

"Test run," Scarlett said, not looking up from her canvas.

"It looks great," I told her. "What time do you think you'll be ready to go?"

"A couple hours. I just got to do our hair and makeup," she said. Growing up with her, I knew that could take hours. "How was work?"

"Fine," I said, taking her hint that she wanted to chat. I looked down at Kallie, who seemed to be in her own little world.

"Well, I'm done. Wanna see?" she asked, crawling off Kallie and grabbing her phone. She took a photo and handed the phone to Kallie.

"Oh, wow. It looks so real. And amazing. I love it," Kallie said, staring at the screen.

"Thanks," Scarlett said and started to pick up her art supplies from the bed.

"Is that what you want?" I asked Kallie. I had been wondering what she would get permanently put on her body since she brought it up the other night.

"I don't know, really," she answered. "I would have to think about it. I just told Scarlett to do whatever she felt like. Would this hurt?"

I laughed. "Yes. Some hurt worse than others, but they all hurt," I told her. Her eyes grew wide as she looked up at me. "General rule is, the closer to bone, the more pain. It hurts less if you have some meat on your bones."

She nodded. "I see. Did yours hurt?" she asked as she eyed my arms.

"My arms, not too bad. My back was worse," I said. I tried to keep my eyes on hers and ignore all her skin.

"Don't worry bout that yet, babe," Scarlett told her, handing her back her shirt. Kallie's eyes grew wide; apparently she'd forgotten she had no shirt on.

Scarlett gave me a look telling me to leave, so I nodded and left the girls alone. I went to my room and laid on my bed. I was dreading tonight and thought of every possible excuse I could to get out of this. The last night at Logan's turned into a disaster and tonight was on the track to be the same. I was out of character with the strange, new lost girl around.

I listened to the girls getting ready and their idle chatter. I heard no details about Kallie's life or what brought her here. She didn't share any personal details about herself at all. She basically listened to Scarlett talk and gave all the expected responses. I walked to the kitchen to listen better.

A phone on the counter was lighting up and buzzing around. I grabbed it just before it vibrated right off the counter. One look at the jeweled case told me it wasn't Scarlett's phone. I set it back down and opened the fridge to grab a beer. The phone started to buzz again, so I looked at the screen. The word "Home" was across the screen.

"Kallie, your phone," I shouted. The vibrating and the screen flashed 14 missed calls. "Kallie," I yelled louder.

"What?" she asked, coming into the kitchen. She wore tight jeans with rips on the legs, showing some skin, and a white halter top.

"Your phone was ringing," I said, pointing at it.

"Did you answer it?" she asked in a panic and grabbed her phone.

"No, why would I do that? I just saw it flashing," I told her. As if on cue, the phone went off again and she quickly hit ignore.

"Shh," she said just before the phone started vibrating again. "Hello."

She was quiet for a few moments while I heard noise on the other end. Kallie watched Scarlett's bedroom door while she listened. I pulled my phone out of my pocket and shot a quick text to my sister.

**Quiet. K on phone - R**

I watched her listen and thought about leaving her alone, but then realized this may be the only way I would find out anything about her.

"Yes, mother," she finally said into the phone. "I'm fine." Another pause. "I was just out taking a walk and I really need to get back to studying, so I will call you tomorrow. Goodbye." She quickly hung up and shut the phone down.

"Studying?" I asked with a raised eyebrow.

She looked back at me, caught off guard. "Long story," she said while looking down at the floor.

"Well, Scarlett is doing her makeup, so I think we have time," I said, half-joking.

"No, I'm all done, your turn, doll," Scarlett said from her doorway. She gave me a knowing smile. She knew she had just busted my investigation.

Scarlett quickly escaped into the bedroom. I wondered if my sister knew her story and was protecting her. Scarlett was always fiercely protective of the ones she cared for. I just couldn't understand how Kallie won her over so quickly. I would have to ask her. She never could lie to me.

I paced the kitchen and waited for the girls impatiently. After several threats to leave without them, or not going at all, they finally emerged. Kallie's hair was pulled into a high ponytail. The bow Scarlett drew on her was completely visible with the halter top and her long blonde hair out of the way out.

Her eyelashes were dark and thick, emphasizing the blue of her eyes. She wore cowboy boots and jeans that would fit in perfectly at the party. Scarlett was in a black skirt with a purple corset top. Her hair was curled and excitement was written all over her face. I was in a lot of trouble tonight.

We went down to my truck. Kallie slid over to the middle and Scarlett took the window seat. I could almost feel the nerves rolling off Kallie. Scarlett chatted most of the way to the edge of town. She told Kallie about some of the notorious parties at Logan's and gave her a quick rundown of some of the people that would be there.

"It's been a while since his last one. There is probably so much to burn," Scarlett said, bouncing in her seat. Almost everyone in town knew to drop off any scrap wood to be burned at his place. Since the last party, Logan took a few weekends off. She was right, the wood was piling up.

We pulled up to the old farmhouse and the yard was already filled with cars and trucks. I could see the woodpile in the backyard, waiting to be lit. I got out of the truck and came over to the passenger side. I opened the door and helped the girls out of the truck. I held Kallie's hand as she tried to balance herself on the tall grass where she jumped down.

"Ready?" I asked her.

She looked back up at me. I could see how uncertain she was. "Yep," she lied.

I followed behind the girls back to the pile. Guys shouted at me and I waved back at my friends. If you came to a party here, you knew Logan and me. If you didn't know us, you had no business being here. I made my way through the dancing bodies and around the random coolers to find Logan waiting by the stack.

"Holy shit," I said to him as I patted him on the back and eyed the tallest pile I had ever seen there before.

"My thoughts exactly," he said, not sounding excited. "Ladies," he said, bowing down to the girls. He swooped Scarlett up into a hug. "Kallie, right?" he asked when he finally put my sister down.

She nodded and eyed the massive stack, like we were. "You guys are lighting that on fire?" she asked.

"That's the plan, darling," he told her. "Just been waiting for you guys. Ryder lights every single one. It's tradition. Let's get this started!" People around us cheered.

"You should move back," I whispered in Kallie's ear before walking away to grab the two cans of gasoline waiting for me and walking over to the pile.

I dumped the gasoline on the pallets and wood. I shook the cans to try to reach the top of the pile. When the cans were empty, I grabbed the blowtorch from Logan. The crowd moved back and cheered while I walked around, lighting parts of the pile. The flames quickly grew and I retreated back, away from the heat. We stood and watched the flames grow taller than I have ever seen them. When the bonfire was going strong, the crowd went back to partying.

"We're gonna get some drinks," Scarlett yelled at me as she pulled Kallie over to the keg. Logan watched them leave before looking over at me.

"Who the fuck is she, dude?" he asked with wide eyes.

"I can't even begin to explain. I have no idea," I told him, shaking my head.

"Is she, by chance, the hot blonde you were seen leaving Hank's with a few nights back?" he asked and gave me an evil grin. "She just couldn't get enough or what?"

"It's not like that," I told him, looking back to make sure they were still at the keg. "Her car broke down and you know Scar," I said.

"Sure," he told me. I could tell that he didn't believe me, but he wasn't going to keep prying.

"How you doing?" I asked him, trying to say more with my eyes.

"Fine," he said before Scarlett came busting in and interrupting.

"Here you go," she said, handing a red cup to Logan. He shook his head at her. " You don't want it?" she asked, shocked.

"Nope. Taking a break from drinking," he told her.

Kallie handed me a cup and took a drink from hers. I saw the flicker of disgust and forced myself not to laugh out loud.

"Okay, then," Scarlett said. "We are going to go mingle," she announced, pulling Kallie away.

I wandered around the large yard and talked to friends. After several beers, my worries and dread about tonight wore off. I was laughing with the guys and throwing more wood on the wall of fire. I would see Scarlett and Kallie around every now and then. They seemed to be keeping out of trouble... for now.

I watched as Kallie talked to people and drank her beer. It seemed the taste was finally growing on her. The bow on her back looked as real as a tattoo. The glow from the fire danced across her skin and I got stuck staring at her. She turned and found me in the crowd. Her blue eyes met mine and I quickly turned away and went into the house.

I eventually came out of the house with a pack of hot dogs to cook on the fire. They would just burn immediately, but it was always fun to try. I met back with Logan and another friend, Caleb. We tried to cook the hot dogs, but they would either catch on fire or we couldn't get close enough. We laughed as we grabbed more and kept trying.

"Hey, you," a voice came from behind me as fingers wrapped around my arm.

"Crystal," I said, looking down at her. I never could avoid her at these parties, but always hoped to.

"I've been looking all over for you, baby," she cooed, snaking her hands up my arms. Her top was low cut and her skirt almost showed her ass.

"Been around," I said, trying to wiggle out her grasp. She was another complication I didn't want to deal with tonight.

We all went to high school with Crystal and she slept with most of the guys we knew. She was usually good for a fun night, but I had too much on my mind tonight. Plus, I couldn't exactly take her back to my place with a houseguest staying on my couch. If I blew her off long enough, she'd move on to one of the other guys. I looked back at my friends for backup only to see they abandoned me. I was left all alone with her.

"I missed you," she said, pushing her body close to mine.

"It hasn't been that long," I told her while I searched the crowd for Logan or Caleb to help.

"Come dance with me," she whined. I looked down at her and sighed. Dancing was harmless enough. I didn't want to be a complete ass to her.

We walked over to a truck playing music and danced for a few songs. I drank some more while she danced around me and I enjoyed watching her move. She always had a great body and knew how to use it to her advantage. After I drank too much to be coordinated, I sat on the tailgate of the truck.

"So, who's the chick you came with?" she asked as she moved to stand between my legs.

"Friend," I told her, remembering Kallie was here somewhere.

"She seems to be making friends well," she said.

I followed her line of sight and saw Kallie leaning up against a truck on the other side of the bonfire. A guy was leaning in close as he talked to her. He leaned in close to whisper in her ear and she laughed. I looked around and eventually found Scarlett sitting in the back of a truck with Logan.

I clenched my fists. We left her all alone and she was with some strange guy now. All I could see was red when I saw his hand reach up to touch her hip and he moved closer to her. She tilted her head up to look at him and I thought, for a second, they would kiss. I pushed Crystal away from me and stalked over the two.

When I got closer, I saw it was Caleb that had her pinned up against the truck. I put my hand on his shoulder just as he started to lean into her again. He turned back, and the anger on his face turned into confusion when he saw it was me interrupting him.

"Fire needs more wood," I growled, glaring at him. I saw understanding flash across his face.

"I'll take care of it," he said, low and with double meaning. He clenched his jaw and walked away, bumping his shoulder into me as he passed.

## CHAPTER TEN

##

**_Kallie_**

Ryder and I watched as Caleb walked away. He finally turned back to look at me.

"What was that?" I asked, folding my arms over my chest.

"What? Nothing."

"No, it wasn't nothing. You scared him off," I yelled at him. "Why? He was nice."

"You don't even know him," he growled, glaring down at me.

"I don't know anyone here," I snapped. "I have to start somewhere."

"I'm just trying to look out for you," he said, sounding exhausted.

"Why? You don't owe me anything. You don't even know me," I said, throwing my hands up in the air. "I don't need anyone to look out for me."

"Where the fuck is Scarlett?" He changed the subject and looked around the party.

"Stop it," I said, smacking his chest. His hand grabbed mine and held it tightly. "I don't need a babysitter." I pulled my arm free and pushed past him.

I walked around the roaring fire and toward the house. I just wanted to find a dark corner to hide in. I was finally starting to loosen up and forget who I was, then Ryder comes in and ruins it for me. I leaned against the house and watched the party. I have never been to a party like this before, and the people-watching was fascinating.

I was watching Ryder while he danced with some girl earlier when Caleb came to keep me company. His brown hair and eyes looked comforting and honest. He gave me another beer and we talked for a while. He was cute and I knew he was checking me out when we first got here. It made me nervous because I wasn't sure how to act, yet I was excited at the same time.

I was never flirted with. With Carter, I was just his and everyone knew. He asked me to be his girlfriend in high school and that was that. There was no flirting or trying to figure out what the other was thinking. It just happened, and now it was gone. I didn't know how to be without being with him.

Caleb and I talked about music and TV for a little bit before Scarlett and Logan disappeared. I didn't even realize he was leaning into me until Ryder came and interrupted. It was then that I realized that I had forgotten who I was for the moment. I was briefly a normal young adult at a party. I was one step closer to being a new person.

"I'm sorry," I heard from behind me.

"Forget it," I snipped, although I was shocked to hear an apology.

"No, really. I didn't mean to piss you off," he said, coming closer.

"You know what? You can't just sleep with me and expect that you can never talk to me again, but never let anyone else near me either," I said and turned around to glare at him.

"What?" he asked, putting his hands up in surrender.

"You heard me. I'm not yours to get possessive over," I said. "If I want to go out and do something stupid, I will. It's no one's business but mine. You have no right to me."

"Is that what you think?" he asked, coming closer.

"Yes. I'm a grown woman," I said, putting my hands on my hips. "I can make my own decisions."

"You think we slept together?" He was close enough that I could see his eyebrows raised and his eyes filled with amusement.

"Yes. No. What?" I stuttered.

"You think that I took you home from the bar, slept with you, and then left?" he asked, lowering his voice.

"I shouldn't?"

"No."

My face burned red from embarrassment and then anger. "What? Like that's something you would never do," I threw back at him sarcastically.

"Oh no, I would. I just didn't. Not with you. I took you back to my place because I didn't know where you lived or anything," he told me, leaning down to my face.

"But I was in your clothes," I whispered.

"You stripped. I gave you the shirt," he said smirking. "And if I did have you," he said as he moved close to my ear, "you wouldn't forget it."

My stomach dropped and my breath caught in my throat. I looked into his eyes and saw the challenge in them. My heart raced as he overwhelmed my senses. All I could see was him. His smell was all around me and the party faded away in the background. His hands grabbed my hips and he pulled me roughly into him. My body was flush with his and I couldn't breath.

His breath tickled as he whispered in my ear, "Trust me, if I ever touched you, you would never forget how good it felt." His hands moved to my lower back, holding me closer. I tipped my head up to look at him. "If I had ever kissed you, you would never forget how good it tasted," he growled.

I shivered at his words. His face came closer to mine, and I was nervous that he could feel my heart pounding in my chest. My entire body tingled with excitement and need for him, feelings I was unfamiliar with. I moved my hands up his chest, feeling the muscles and heat under his skin. I suddenly felt like I wasn't close enough to him. All my words were caught in my throat.

"There you are."

Ryder pulled away from me quickly, leaving me feeling cold. I almost whined with the loss and my body was on edge. Logan was smiling at us. Scarlett stumbled over and leaned against him. I pushed myself off the truck and held on to the side for balance.

"I can take you guys home," Logan told us.

"Sure, I'll get my truck tomorrow," Ryder agreed quickly. "Ready?" he asked, looking in my direction, but not at me.

"Yep."

I followed them and weaved my way through the few partiers still left. Logan pretty much carried Scarlett to his SUV. I climbed in the back with her and we rode back to the apartment in silence. I kept thinking about Ryder's words and how they sounded in my ears. His voice sent shivers through me. I practically ran up the stairs when we got back and laid on the couch. I couldn't stand it if he said another word to me.

I don't remember falling asleep. Light filtered in and burned my retinas. My head might have just split in half and I was probably leaking brain matter all over the place. My throat was on fire and my feet felt broken. Everything hurt. I felt terrible.

I laid there for what felt like forever, trying to avoid opening my eyes. I knew the light and any movement would be the death of me. After hearing coffee and whispers, I gave in. I couldn't expect them to tiptoe around me all day. I grunted and roughly took a stool at the bar. I folded my arms in front of me and laid my head down on them. I moaned loudly as a greeting, which was very lady-like. A cup of coffee appeared in front on me.

"Does it always feel like this?" I mumbled into the counter.

"Not always," Scarlett laughed. I was pretty sure I was walking better than her when we left, yet she sounded fine.

"I never want to drink again," I whined.

"That's what they all say," she teased.

"This is awful. I'm dying," I said dramatically.

"Here, it helps," I heard Ryder say. I looked up at him and he pointed to the coffee.

I grunted again and took the coffee. I sipped on it and prayed for my head to feel better. Scarlett and Ryder drank their coffee in silence. I finished my cup and Scarlett gave me a refill without needing to ask. I slowly felt life seeping back into me.

"Well, I'm off to Mom's for lunch. You coming, Ry?" Scarlett finally said, breaking the quiet.

"And like every Sunday, no, I'm not going," he told her in a bored tone.

"Thought I would give it a shot. I'll be back later then. Be good kids," she said, grabbing her bag and keys.

I realized I was alone. With Ryder. I had no idea what to do or say. I instantly remembered the night before. The words he said to me and the way they had made me feel. My face grew hot and I hoped he couldn't tell what I was thinking.

All this time, I thought he had seen all of me. I thought he had a part of me that only one other ever had before. Now that I knew that nothing happened that night, I felt like I had something to hide, to keep tucked away from him.

"You never really drank much before, have you?" Ryder asked. I looked up and his eyes seemed to burn right through me.

"Never," I told him.

"Never? Really?" he asked, clearly shocked that someone in their early twenties never drank.

"Not like last night. I had wine at dinner sometimes," I admitted.

"Wow. So what else have you never done?" he asked.

I laughed. "A lot of things. You know, we never discussed what I would be paying for my stay," I said, trying to change the subject.

"Oh, I have no idea," he said, taking the hint.

"Well, how long will I be here? You have a better idea of how long my car will take?"

"I don't know yet. I'm having a hard time finding parts. Your car is like a fucking unicorn," he said, turning his back to me.

"Okay," I sighed. I lugged myself over the counter and turned on my phone. I ignored all the voicemails, missed calls, and texts popping up.

"You really have no way home? Why not junk it and get something else?" he asked, leaning his elbows on the counter to look at me.

"No," I answered, too quickly. "I love that car. I can't get rid of it."

"Why not go home then?"

"Do you want me to leave? I can," I said, standing up.

He grabbed my hand to stop me. "I'm not saying that. I'm just trying to figure you out."

"Yeah, me too," I added quietly. "I just can't go home yet. I can go elsewhere if you would like me to. Just not there." I begged he wouldn't make me leave.

"No need, Princess," he rushed. "Are you in danger? Are you hiding from someone? Do you need help?"

"No," I said, waving my arms and shaking my head. "It's nothing like that."

He nodded. I wasn't sure if he believed me, but I had nothing else to offer to make him see the truth. I didn't want him, or anyone, to know why I ran away. I didn't want anyone to know the broken and empty Kallie inside the shell they saw.

I pulled up my bank account on my phone to check my balance. I knew I would need to set some aside for the repair bill. I double-checked the number. I wanted to offer them something for taking me in.

"That's not right," I said to myself.

"What's wrong?" Ryder asked, worry lines forming on his forehead.

"Oh, nothing," I said casually. "My deposit must not have made it to my bank for some reason."

My father made a weekly deposit every Friday, without fail. I used the money to pay my bills and food while I was in school. In return, since I was fifteen, I worked every summer and every break or long weekend I had in the jewelry store my father owned. My dad saw it as an investment. He would pay for my education and the expenses of going to college out of state, and one day, I would take over the jewelry business.

"What? Mommy and Daddy didn't give you your allowance?" Ryder snipped with attitude.

"That's none of your business," I said, pushing away from the counter. "I worked for that money for your information."

I stalked to the living room and sat on the couch, where I began going through the messages I missed. I was used to being seen as the rich and privileged girl. Most thought I was a spoiled little brat that had everything handed to her. Most of the time I was surrounded by people just like that, so I fit in. Something bothered me about Ryder thinking I had everything so easy.

In all honesty, I did. I worked in the store, but I didn't work nearly enough hours to earn the amount they gave me for my apartment and everything else that I wanted. However, I did know that my parents forever owned me. They paid my way to taking over the family business. I would go to the school they chose, earn my degree, and be molded into the new president of Adam's Jewelers.

I looked over to find Ryder watching me debate over calling my parents. As if on cue, the phone rang in my hands.

"Hello, Mother," I answered, trying to sound like I wasn't in turmoil and suffering another hangover.

"Kallie. Would you like to tell me when you plan on coming home?" she clipped.

"I don't really have that scheduled yet," I told her as I retreated to the living room.

"You have responsibilities here, Kallie. You can't just go and hide somewhere," she told me.

"I know that, Mother. That's not what I'm doing," I said.

"That is exactly what you are doing. I know you are hurt, but that doesn't mean life doesn't go on," she said sternly.

"I just need time," I whispered.

"And we gave you time. I called your admissions advisor to make the tuition payment for the year and I was informed you have yet to enroll in any classes. Do you have any idea how embarrassing that was?" she said, raising her voice, which was never a good sign.

"I'm sorry," was all I could say. I never lied to my parents before, so I had no idea how to talk myself out of lie. "I will go up there this week. I was just trying to get settled in," I lied again, grasping for an excuse.

"I expect to see you at dinner, Kallie. We will talk about it then," she said before hanging up, leaving no room for argument. I stared at the phone for a moment, and then chucked it at the wall.

"Easy there, killer," Ryder warned, coming out of the kitchen. I forgot all about him for a moment.

"Sorry," I said, putting my head in my hands.

"No worries. Everyone has issues with their parents," he said. He picked up my phone and set it on the TV stand.

"Is that why you aren't going to your mom's with Scarlett?" I asked him. If he wanted to drill me for answers, I would do the same.

"Something like that," he mumbled. He sat down on the couch next to me.

My heart was breaking inside. My parents were never disappointed in me. I never let them down and I never lied to them. I drove myself everyday to make them proud, to make everyone around me proud. What they thought of me didn't seem to matter anymore when I didn't even think there was anything left of me.

If I had to be someone without Carter, then I had to figure out who that would be. The old Kallie was too broken to get up and move on. How could I face the same people everyday and not see his face, hear his laugh, miss his words?

"Have you ever done something so many times, over and over again, that you don't know how to stop?" I asked without looking at him.

Ryder took some time before finally answering me. "When we were kids, Scarlett and I would fight over the remote. Everyday, we would race from the bus to the house and try to be the first one to get the remote. It would drive my mom crazy. One day, she was having a bad day. A very bad day. We came running through the house, like we did everyday. She flipped," he told me, looking deep in thought.

"Sounds like kids being kids," I said.

"Well, she started screaming. She just snapped. She started throwing things and broke down crying. It wasn't us she was really mad at, but we just pushed her over the edge. I vowed to never piss her off like that again. I never raced Scarlett to the remote after that. But for days, I would get off the bus and start to sprint for the door. Then I would remember and would stop myself. It was so hard to break that habit and remember that I wasn't going to win the remote anymore."

I nodded. "I need to get off the bus without running," I told him. He nodded, and I wondered if he really knew what I was trying to say.

## CHAPTER ELEVEN

##

**_Kallie_**

After Scarlett came home that evening, we ate a quiet dinner and watched some movies. The images flashed before the screen without me really seeing them. I was too worried that I was missing dinner back home. I deliberately disobeyed my parents. I had no idea what the consequences would be for such an offense. I'd never done it before.

I had little money, no friends, and nothing to do with myself. I was stuck in the middle of nowhere with nothing. I trusted and liked Scarlett, but she didn't know me. Neither of them knew who I was, where I was from, or what I was going through. I couldn't talk to anyone here and I couldn't talk to anyone back home. I was alone and slowly melting away.

That night, I dreamed of Carter. I saw his perfect face before he left me in the parking lot at school. I saw him driving home and his world turning into glass and twisted metal. In my dream, the casket was open at the funeral. His face was scared and bruised. I stood at his casket looking down at his wrecked face. I woke up covered in sweat and trembling. I gasped, trying to get enough air into my lungs. My vision was fading into darkness as my head spun.

"Kallie," I heard Ryder's voice in the darkness. When I couldn't answer, he turned on a small lamp in the corner. "Are you okay?"

I inhaled deeply several times before I could speak. "Yes. Just a bad dream," I told him. I ripped the blanket off of me. My clothes were damp and clung to my clammy skin.

"You sure? You're shaking," he said, reaching for me. I pulled away from his touch.

"Yep," I snipped. He glared back at me, trying to see the truth buried deep down.

"Okay," he relented, getting up and leaving me alone in the living room.

I got up and got in the shower. The sun would be coming up soon, but Scarlett wouldn't be up for hours yet. I tried to be as quiet as I could as I showered and found clean clothes stuffed in my bag in the corner. I skipped drying my hair to keep the noise down and pulled my hair into a ponytail instead. When I finally came out, Ryder was drinking coffee in the kitchen.

"I didn't mean to wake you. I'm sorry," I said as I tried to avoid eye contact.

"It's cool. I had to get up anyway," he said, sounding casual.

After coffee, Ryder left for work. Scarlett woke up later and left for work in town as well. I spent the day watching TV and reading on my phone. I had no one to talk to and nothing to do. I felt numb. I didn't feel sadness or happiness anymore. Once I pushed the anxiety away about my parents and what I would do, I felt nothing.

Days went by the same. With Ryder working during the day and Scarlett working evenings, I was left alone for only few hours a day, but I always felt completely alone. Usually Ryder and I would be alone for dinner, where he would cook and I would barely eat. I cleaned up after us and tried to stay out of the way.

After several more days, I was crawling out of my skin. I couldn't stand myself anymore. I saw my reflection in the mirror and saw a ghost looking back at me. Grey eyes and pale skin. I was nothing like the person I was before. The Kallie with Carter may have been built on one thing, but at least she was something. Not a hollow shell of a body walking around and taking up space.

I threw on a sundress and sandals and made an attempt to look nice. I skipped down the stairs and out to the street. The sunlight felt warm on my skin and I took a deep inhale of the summer air. I could feel the dampness of a summer storm coming. I used to love storms when I was kid. I used to stare out the windows and wonder what it would feel like to dance in the rain.

I started walking to the cafe down the street. Aside from Hank's and the garage, that was the only other place I knew. On my way, I saw the garage where my car was. I knew Ryder would be working today. I wondered if it would be weird if I stopped in. I did need to know about my car and how much it was going to cost me. I looked both ways and crossed the street to the shop.

"You lost, pretty girl?" an older man asked as I approached.

"Why does everyone ask me that?" I mumbled. At the sound of my voice, Ryder's head popped up from under the hood of a car.

"Hey, what are you doing here?" he asked, coming toward me.

He stalked toward me while wiping the grease and rust off himself. He wore a black sleeveless shirt and his muscles flexed under his suntanned skin. My eyes automatically traced the intricate designs trailing up his arms. A chunk of his black hair fell into his eyes and my hands twitched with the need to brush it away for him. His eyes traveled down my body and back up before landing my face. His smile told me he knew I was just checking him out.

I shook the images away from my head. That wasn't why I came here today. I spent days trying to forget the way he made me feel at the party. I tried to force out the sound of his hoarse voice in my ears and his strong hands pulling me against him. I shouldn't be thinking or feeling those things.

"What can I do for you, Princess?" he asked me with a confident smirk.

"I really hate it when you call me that," I said, not sounding angry at all. "You're patronizing me when you say it."

He laughed. "Noted. But really, I didn't expect to see you out and about," he said, his tone growing serious.

"Just taking a stroll. Getting some coffee. I wanted to see what was happening with my car," I told him and tried to sound like it was no big deal.

"Well, I think we found one in the states. We're just waiting to hear back from the seller."

"That's great," I said, even though it didn't feel great. "How much do you think it'll cost me?"

He came closer, looking around to see if anyone was listening. "We can figure that out later. You running low on money yet?"

"Not exactly," I answered and looked down at the dirty floor. "It just needs to last."

"I see. I'll find out and we can figure something out. Don't worry," he said, looking me in the eyes. I couldn't decide if I saw concern or pity looking back at me.

"Thanks," I whispered. I backed away from him. I couldn't see that look in his eyes anymore. I gave him a quick wave and continued on my way to the cafe.

Was it pity or concern? I asked the question over and over on the walk to the cafe. I didn't know if I could stand either one. If it was pity, then Ryder became everyone I was running from. If it was concern, then he was getting too close. I couldn't let myself down like that again. I couldn't let myself become someone else, only to have that Kallie disappear when she returned home.

By the time the smell of coffee enveloped me, I was tired of thinking. I didn't want to worry anymore. I didn't want to think about Ryder, Carter, or my mom and dad. I left to deal with things, and so far, I hadn't done anything but create more confusion for myself. All I wanted now was to find out how to be, who to be, when it was just me. If I were living for myself and no one else, what would I be like?

I got my coffee and walked slowly back to the apartment. I looked in all the shop windows as I passed. I passed up a vintage jewelry shop I wanted to go into. It would make me think of home.

This little town seemed content, alone and away from the busier world, and the peace soothed me. I used to hate walking when in D.C. The cars were too fast, the streets too crowded, and there were too many people. Carter loved the city, though. I would put up with all the negatives if that's what it took to be with him.

I paced the apartment like a crazy person when I finally got back. I felt like a caged animal that needed to get out. My skin felt like it was crawling and I kept running my hands through my hair repeatedly. All I could do was worry. Worry about money, what my parents were going to do, whether I should enroll in class, and why did I feel something when I see Ryder?

Part of me felt like I should only have feelings for Carter. He was the love of my life, and he was good to me. I felt unfaithful, even with just my thoughts. Ryder was different, he was new and felt dangerous. But most of all, he made me feel something other than empty and hurt. I couldn't hold on to Carter forever, I would never survive. I just couldn't find the balance of letting go and hanging on.

I had no idea how long I paced and talked to myself before Ryder finally came home. He gave me a skeptical look as he set down some beer and pizza on the counter. I probably looked crazed, with bloodshot eyes and frazzled hair. I tried to comb my hair down with my fingers before heading to the kitchen.

"How are you?" he asked, eyeing me carefully.

"Fine," I said too quickly.

"Sure," he said slowly. "I got pizza. Scarlett texted. She's going out after work, I guess."

"Oh," I said, disappointed.

"Why? Would you want to go out with her?"

"Well, I was just feeling cooped up I guess. Stir crazy," I shrugged.

He sighed. "I'm sorry. I am working on your car to get it done as soon as I can."

I shook my head at him. "No worries. I still have to figure out how I am going to pay for it anyway. Can I have one of those?" I rambled and pointed at the beer.

He handed me a bottle and we took the pizza to the living room. We watched TV while we ate. My mind couldn't focus on the TV. The same worries plagued me, plus some more. I was hoping they would stop if I wasn't alone anymore, but that wasn't the case. I closed my eyes and tried taking deep breaths, fighting the tight feeling in my chest.

Carter was good at talking me down when I would get worked up. Every big exam or family event would put me in a near panic. Carter could handle the pressure of the world on his shoulders and wanted to make a living out of it. I couldn't even handle the pressure of my parents most times. Right now was no exception.

"You think Scarlett will be home soon?" I asked to break the silence.

"Doubt it. She'll go home with someone probably," he responded.

I nodded and kept staring at the screen. I was starting to become weighed down with the loneliness. Even with Ryder right beside me, I felt miles away from a living person. I was alone with a man, a very good-looking man, in the dark, and I felt alone. I needed to connect. I needed my mind to be clear before I lost all sanity.

Without thinking, I stood up and quickly walked over to him. Before he even saw me coming, I put my hands on his shoulders and lowered myself on top of him, straddling him. I pulled myself closer to him by his shoulders. I could feel the fabric of his jeans on my bare thighs.

"Kallie," he growled. "What the fuck are you doing?"

"What does it look like?" I whispered and pushed my chest up against him. His eyes looked down the front of my dress and his hands gripped my hips roughly. I'd never done this before, but suddenly my body was working on its own accord.

"Why?" he asked, sounding pained.

"I want to," I rasped in his ear. I ran my nose along his ear and down his neck. He smelled like soap and gasoline. The smell was intoxicating. So very Ryder.

He grabbed my hips hard and pushed me back. I looked down at him in shock. Even with only the light from the TV, I could still see his eyes. They consumed me as he glared back at me. I saw anger, want, hate, and lust battling inside them. I wondered which one would win. I ran my hands down his chest and rested them on the waist of his jeans. His body flexed underneath me.

"Why are you doing this?" he asked, breathless. "I have a feeling this isn't you at all."

"We don't know that anymore," I snipped, trying to get him to shut up. I rubbed up against him.

He suddenly grabbed my butt and pulled me to him. He quickly spun us and pushed me back on the couch, hovering above me. He was rested between my legs and my hands were pinned between us.

"Is this what you want?" he growled in my ear as he pushed himself against me. The movement and his rough voice sent shivers through my body. My mouth went dry and my heart raced. My entire body burned and itched to get closer.

I nodded back at him, trying to beg with my eyes. He shook his head and ran his hand up my knee and then up my leg and under my dress. His fingers tickled my inner thigh and I felt myself getting wet with him so close to me. I tried to arch into his touch, but he held me in place. I whimpered and tried to free my hands.

"Isn't this what you want?" he asked, licking my ear. I moaned at the sensation and nodded my head. I wiggled under him, trying to get him where I needed him the most. "You want me to fuck you? You want me to take you right here, right now?"

"Please," I begged, my mind no longer with me. His lips barely grazed the skin behind my ear and down my neck.

"Say it," he demanded against my collarbone.

"I want you," I moaned. My head swam with need.

"You want me to make you come, over and over again?" he rasped, his fingers lightly tracing on my inner thigh.

"Yes," I begged. I could feel him getting hard as his jeans rubbed against the thin lace of my panties. I needed more.

"No," he stated simply as he placed his palm on my most sensitive part, pushing me back against the couch. I almost fell apart at the pressure. "You don't want that, Princess."

I opened my eyes and stared back at his pained face in shock. His hard eyes glared down at me as he grabbed my wrists and pulled my hands above my head, pinning me to the couch. I arched into him on instinct and he put his weight on me, holding me still. I glared back at him in challenge. My whole body ached for him.

"You don't really want this. I'm not going to help you escape whatever it is that you are running from," he whispered.

"Just please, I just want to forget," I pleaded, tears threatening to break free. "I just want to feel again."

He sighed and hung his head down, resting his forehead on my chest. "No."

I struggled to break his hold on me. I wanted to punch him in his face. I was panting and every nerve was on edge. I was crumbling inside and couldn't hold myself together. I thrashed around under him. He sat up on his knees and pulled me up with him. I tried to pull my wrists from him, but his hold wasn't letting up.

"Kallie, calm down."

My vision burned with tears. My throat was closing up and my entire body was going from burning hot to ice cold. I heaved, trying to catch my breath, and yanked my arms. "Just get away from me," I cried.

"No, Kallie, look at me," he urged. I shook my head and continued to try to free myself. I was now empty, alone, and embarrassed.

Ryder firmly grabbed my chin and tilted my head up to him. "Look at me, Kallie."

Tears rolled down my cheeks and I closed my eyes to block out his face. Ryder let go of my wrists and put both his hands on each side of my face. I couldn't move in his hold, and finally let my body go limp.

"Kallie. Look at me. Now," he demanded sternly. I raised my wet eyes to his face. His thumbs wiped some of the tears off my checks. The pad of his thumb rubbed across my lip, catching another tear. I stared into his eyes and took ragged breaths.

"Good girl. Stay with me," he said gently. "Eyes here, okay. I got you. Calm down, baby." He repeated the words over and over. He pulled me up and held my cheeks, still whispering the words. His face slowly came into focus. I tried to breath and concentrate on him and his calming voice. I kept my eyes glued to his until the tears dried and my heartbeat slowed.

He let go of my face and held my shoulders, watching me. "You okay?"

"Yeah. I'm so sorry," I said, covering my face and getting up to go run and hide. He placed his hand across my stomach and stopped me. I looked back down at him, begging that he would just let me go.

"Sit." I sighed and dropped back down into the couch. "Do you want to talk about it?"

"No. Never," I replied. "I'm sorry. I don't know what came over me."

We sat in silence on the couch for a while. Ryder watched me and I stared into nothing, wishing I could take back the whole day. I wanted to feel connected, like I wasn't numb and alone. Instead, I made a fool out of myself. I thought Ryder would be a typical guy and take me up on the offer. Ryder would surely think I was crazy now. I wouldn't be surprised if he asked me to leave. I laid my head on the arm of the couch and curled up into a ball. Ryder pulled the blanket from the back of the couch over my body. I quietly thanked him and closed my eyes.

## CHAPTER TWELVE

##

**_Ryder_**

She sulked around for days. After her slutty breakdown, she barely spoke to either one of us. Scarlett kept asking me what I did to piss her off, but I played dumb. Scarlett continued to go out on nights after work and tried to get Kallie to come along, but with no luck. When the weekend finally came around, everyone around me was stuck in their own little world.

Scarlett seemed to be in another one of her self-destructive moods and had been staying out late or not coming home at all. Logan hadn't answered any of my calls, either. Word around town was that there would not be a bonfire tonight. And Kallie had been withdrawn and depressed. I couldn't stand watching everyone in my life hurt.

Kallie got up at some point this morning and laid down in Scarlett's bed. I paced around the living room, finally grabbing my keys and going down to get in my truck. I made the short drive over to Logan's house. His Explorer was parked in the driveway, so I knew he would be home. I didn't even bother knocking and just let myself in.

Logan looked up in shock at me from his kitchen table. He was sitting in his boxers, eating a box of cereal and reading the paper. He dropped his spoon and crossed his arms, glaring at me.

"What the hell, dude?" he grumbled.

"This is getting out of hand, man," I said, slamming my hand down on his table. "Let's do something today."

"I don't really feel like it much," he said.

"I know. I don't either. Which is why we need to," I argued as I took a seat across from him, giving him a serious look. Logan was family to me and we went through everything together. This was definitely not any different.

"I spoke to my lawyer on Monday," he admitted quietly. My heart raced. "I have to meet with them next week."

I took a deep breath. "Logan, everything will be fine. Really. There is no point of worrying about it all weekend," I urged, even though I didn't really believe what I was saying.

He sighed and put his head in his hands. "I still can't believe this."

"Me either," I added.

It took me another half an hour to convince Logan to get dressed and call Caleb. After I was sure he wouldn't be running back to bed, I left him to finish getting ready. When I walked into the quiet apartment, I saw Scarlett's door was still closed. Cursing to myself, I stalked over and swung the door open. Kallie's small body flinched when I barged in. Her heavy eyes watched me blankly as I searched around the room. I grabbed a random pair of jeans and what could be a shirt and threw them at her.

"Get dressed," I demanded.

"This isn't mine," she muttered, throwing the shirt back on the floor.

"Well, how the hell am I supposed to know? There are clothes everywhere," I said, waving my arms around the disaster area. "Which ones are yours?"

"That pile, there," she said and pointed to a smaller pile by the door. I bent down and found a tank top and tossed it to her.

"Get dressed. Now," I said. I crossed my arms and leaned against the wall.

She finally sat up and glared at me. "You gonna watch?" she snipped.

I huffed and left the room. I heard her get up and move around. I paced outside the door, waiting for her to come back out. When she finally emerged, she was wearing the clothes I gave her. She pulled her blonde hair back into a braid that came down over her shoulder.

"Why am I getting dressed?" she asked with her hands on her hips. She looked angry and feisty. It was a side of the meek, angelic girl I had never seen before.

"We're going somewhere. Can you fit in these?" I asked as I tossed a pair of Scarlett's hiking boots her way.

She bent over and looked inside at the tag. She looked back up at me with apprehension. "I could. Why? Where are we going?"

"It's a surprise, Princess," I said, grinning at her.

Kallie put the boots on and hesitantly followed me down to my truck. I opened the door for her and helped her climb up into the cab. The nervousness was written all over her face, but she didn't ask any more questions. I gave her a reassuring smile and went over to the driver's side.

I took the long way to Caleb's place. I drove through town and took the back roads to his land on the edge of the town. Kallie sat quietly and watched the scenery out the window. The day was warm and the wind blew stray blonde hairs around her face. I pulled my eyes off her and back to the road.

"What?" she asked.

"Nothing."

"You were staring," she pointed out. Busted.

"I like your hair like that," was my lame response.

She shook her head and laughed sarcastically. We finally pulled up to Caleb's and I was glad to see that Logan actually showed up. I turned off the truck and went around to help Kallie out. She took my hand and let me help her down from the lifted cab. She looked around her before she followed me back to the large barn in the backyard.

"There he is," shouted Caleb when we entered. Logan tipped his head at me.

"Kallie, you remember Caleb and Logan?" I knew she did.

"I do. Nice to see you guys again," she said politely. I wondered if she had a rude bone in her body.

"You too, beautiful," Caleb said, throwing her a wink. I had the urge to punch him. "We ready?"

"We are," I answered.

Kallie's blue confused eyes looked up at me. I grabbed her hand and pulled her to the back of the barn. Her hand was soft and small inside mine. Caleb slid the doors open and the four-wheelers were lined up, ready for us. He quickly jumped on his and Logan took the Honda he usually rode. Kallie stopped dead in her tracks, so I stopped walking.

"I can't do that," she said, staring at the machines in terror.

"Yes, you can. Come on," I whispered to her.

"No, I don't know how," she said desperately.

I leaned down and into her line of vision. "You can ride with me if you want. I promise you'll be safe."

She looked at me, then back at the guys. I watched the internal debate play out in her head. I assumed she was making a pros and cons list. I held up a finger behind my back to signal the guys to wait a minute. I waited for her to make up mind, knowing she would give in. I knew little about her, but she aimed to please and never said no when asked to do something.

"Fine," she sighed. She stalked over to the ATVs and looked at the two remaining. "Which one can I ride?"

"This one," I indicated the smaller one. She climbed up and threw her leg over, sitting down on the seat. "You know what you're doing here?" I asked her with a raised eyebrow.

She shook her head. "I'm a fast learner." I admired her ambition.

"Okay. Well, this is the gas, and this is the clutch," I said, pointing to parts on the handlebars. "Over here is the brake and back there is the reverse switch. You have to be in neutral to turn it on."

"Neutral?"

"Yeah. That green light would be on. Pull in the clutch and switch gears with this," I said tapping her foot. She stared back at me with panic. "Ride with me?" I smiled. She quickly nodded and scooted back on the seat to give me room. I laughed and got on, starting it up.

I reached behind and grabbed Kallie's hands off her lap. I brought them around me and wrapped them around my waist. Logan nodded at me, started his, and took off, dirt and rocks flying up from the tires. I kicked my bike into gear and followed after the boys.

Kallie's arms tighten around me with the sudden movement as we rode across the long field. I could feel her entire front pressed up against my back. We rode at a reasonable speed until we finally reached the tree line. Caleb rode up and down the edge of the woods a few times, trying to find the path we usually took. When he finally found it hidden by overgrowth, he whistled and rode into the woods. Logan hit the gas, pulling a wheelie before following the same path.

"You okay?" I called back to her.

"Yep," she called back.

I patted her hand on my chest and followed the boys. We wove through the trees and over fallen logs. The covering from the trees made the forest feel cooler. I inhaled the brisk, moist air and enjoyed being out in these woods again.

When we were growing up, Logan and I would come to Caleb's almost every nice day we had to ride his four-wheeler. We spent most of our free time exploring the woods and learning new tricks. His parents finally went and bought three more when we were in middle school so we could all ride together. Caleb's parents were another part of the family I adopted for myself. They were good people.

When we reached the bottom of the hill, the inevitable happened. Caleb's tires spun up mud and water, but he wasn't going anywhere. He stood up and tried to rock it out of the mud, but it looked like it only sunk deeper. Logan and I stopped at the edge of the muddy creek and turned off our engines.

"You owe me twenty," Logan called to a frustrated Caleb. "I bet he would get stuck first," he turned to me, laughing.

"He always does," I said. "Let me up, dear?" Kallie's death grip released. I climbed off and turned to look at her.

She was watching Caleb swear and kick his bike, knee deep in mud. She wore a half smile and her eyes danced with amusement. Hair from her braid had blown loose and locks of hair framed her face. She looked more alive than I had seen her in days, and yet I still felt she was barely here. She caught me watching her and cocked her head to the side in curiosity.

"Look at you," I teased. "All outside and shit."

"Shut up," she laughed, smacking my leg. "How is he going to get out?"

"We'll pull him out. Logan has the winch," I told her.

Logan started his bike back up and rode through a dry path. We learned at a young age to build bridges through the deepest parts of land. Once on the other side of the mud pit, he backed up close to Caleb. Caleb was covered in mud as he pulled the winch cable over and hooked it on his front grill. He got back on and gave it some gas while Logan did the same and pulled him loose from the mud. Caleb raised his arms in victory once he was finally in the clear.

"We have to go through that?" Kallie asked me.

"Well, not that part, obviously," I smirked. "You scared?"

"No," she said quickly. I could tell by the way she was eyeing the creek that she was lying.

"Do you trust me?" I asked.

Her head jerked to look at me. "No."

"Good. Either way, you won't get hurt," I said, getting back on. "Maybe a little muddy."

"Ryder!" she scolded.

Before she could whine anymore, I took off down the hill. She held on tight as I maneuvered around the wettest ground and rode through some mud, making it to the other side. I gave it more gas to make it up the hill. The guys were waiting at the top when we made it up. They both cracked up laughing when I pulled to a stop. I looked behind me and saw a very pissed off Kallie.

Specks of mud spattered her face. A big smudge of dirt covered her cheek and her eyebrows were pulled together to glare at me. I couldn't help but laugh at her. I could hear her huffing with anger as I tired to hold back the laughs. I reached up and wiped a small glob of mud from her forehead, holding it up so she could see it.

Suddenly, she bubbled with laughter. Her body shook with the laughs and she held her stomach. When we were all out of breath and tears were no longer falling from our eyes, we finally calmed down. Kallie's laughs slowly turned in to soft giggles. She tried to wipe the mud off her face, spreading it even more.

"Stop," I said, short of breath and grabbing her hands. "You're only making it worse."

She smiled back at me. Her eyes were deep blue and glistening back at me. I held her hands down and examined her face. She looked like a totally different person than the girl that had been dragging around my apartment for the past few days.

"You having fun?" I asked her. I held my breath, waiting for her answer.

"Yes," she said. "Thank you."

"Don't thank me," I said, turning back to the handlebars. "I'm not the nice guy."

"I know," she whispered. "But still."

I started the engine and rode off. I followed the guys over rocks and through mud puddles. Kallie laughed in my ear and held on tight the entire time. We came to a wide open field where Logan and Caleb raced each other. We laughed and cheered them on. When they argued about who won the race, I decided to sneak off.

"Where are we going?" she asked in my ear as I pulled away from the couple.

"I'll show you, Princess."

I rode on the familiar path along the edge of the field. It had been so long since we all rode like this that the tire paths were almost covered. I could make this trip with my eyes closed, though. When we first started bringing Scarlett along with us, she found this spot when she got separated from us and lost. We found her sitting here, crying her eyes out.

I turned off the engine at the edge of the railroad bridge. I climbed off and offered my hand to Kallie. She stared at it long enough that I almost pulled my hand back. I was never nice, never polite, but I was trying to prove a point. She didn't need to make me work so hard at it. When I helped her down, she pulled me back.

"Is it safe?" she asked.

"Pretty much," I told her. "These tracks haven't been used since the seventies. If you walk back that way, it's actually disconnected," I told her, pointing behind her.

She looked back and nodded. She followed me down the train tracks and onto the bridge. You could see the river under us from the gaps in the wood. When we reached the middle, I sat down and dangled my legs through a gap in the planks. She debated for a moment before finally sitting beside me. She kept her feet up on the bridge.

"We used to come here all the time as kids," I told her, looking out over the river.

"You sure we won't get hit by a train?" she asked as she looked behind us.

"Yes," I laughed.

"A little dangerous for kids. Your parents let you come out here?"

"Well, they didn't necessarily know," I admitted. "Can I ask you something?"

"Maybe."

"Why are you here?" I turned to watch her face.

"My car broke down," she said shortly.

"That's not what I meant and you know it," I quipped.

She sighed and leaned back on her hands. She let her legs dangle down with mine and looked up at the sky. I knew she was hiding something. Most of me didn't really care, but seeing her everyday, seeing her being eaten alive, was driving me crazy. I had to do something. If not to help her, then to at least stop reminding myself of what it felt like to hold something so terrible inside.

Logan and Kallie became my pet projects today. I couldn't help myself, so I will fix them. Seeing them in pain, with guilt and hate burning them up, just reminded me of everything I felt inside. Everything I was trying so hard to bury down. They didn't deserve it. I did. They were good people.

"I just had to get away," Kallie said, breaking my train of thought. "My parents, everybody, they wanted me to be someone I just can't be right now."

"So, you ran away?"

"Not exactly," she said. "I just kinda went for a drive. A very long one. And ended up drunk and waking up in your bed." Her face reddened with embarrassment. "Now, I have disappointed them and became a disgrace. I don't think I can ever go back now."

"Well, that's bull shit," I blurted. "I doubt you could ever disappoint them so badly that they wouldn't take you back. You're perfect. You're smart, beautiful and will probably end up doing something amazing with your life."

"Right," she snorted. "Running a jewelry store isn't amazing. Makes the Adams a ton of money, that's all."

"Then don't do it. Do something you want to do."

"I don't know what I want anymore," she sighed, sounding defeated.

"You wanted me the other night," I teased, pushing her playfully. Too much heavy talk.

"Oh, stop," she said, covering her face. "I'm so sorry about that."

"Don't be."

"I don't know what came over me. I've never done that before, or anything like it," she said, mortified.

"Really? You looked experienced to me," I joked.

She glared at me and punched my shoulder. I grabbed her hand and held it to my chest. Her skin felt warm, signs that life was in her and she wasn't a walking corpse.

"Please don't tell anyone about that," she begged seriously.

"Shit. I posted it on Twitter," I said, wide-eyed. Her eyes popped out of her head and I couldn't hold back anymore. I cracked up laughing.

"Asshole," she muttered, then quickly put her hands over her mouth.

"Wait, what was that? Was that a bad word I just heard come from the Princess's pretty little mouth?" I yelled. "Hurry, tell the kingdom. We must revolt!"

She laughed with me and leaned back to lay on her back. When her laughing finally subsided, she mockingly glared at me.

"You never really swear?" I asked.

"Not in front of people," she admitted. "Not very lady-like, or so I'm told." She rolled her eyes.

"I think you're lady enough. Felt like it to me," I joked.

She laughed and sighed, closing her eyes. I stared down at her face. Turning her away that night was the hardest thing I had done in a long time. I wanted nothing more than to bury myself inside of her, but the look in her eyes stopped me. They were empty, black and void of any of the light and fire I saw days before. I saw that look before.

I saw it in the mirror; I saw it in Logan and in my sister. I have seen it in my mother and father. She wasn't here; she was trying to hide behind the person making the moves for her. If I were to have her, I would need all of her, because I was a selfish ass like that. I was somehow sure anything less would never compare to the real her.

## CHAPTER THIRTEEN

##

**_Kallie_**

We sat on the bridge in silence until we heard the guys pull up behind us. I was hesitant to go when Ryder first tried to get me to leave the apartment. I just didn't have the energy or heart to argue with him, so I followed. Like I always do, I followed. I climbed back on the four-wheeler and held on to Ryder.

I had no idea why he decided to drag me along today. I had no business with mud and dirt, and I didn't need him to feel sorry for me. We rode slowly back to barn, taking the same path we took earlier. I enjoyed the fresh air and the wind blowing through my hair. I closed my eyes, leaned my head on Ryder's back, and breathed in the cool air.

I spent days feeling sorry for myself and locked up in a stranger's apartment. I forgot what it felt like to be in the world again. I was never going to figure out how to move on while hiding in bed all day. I wasn't going to miraculously become a different person by cutting myself off from the outside. I was so wrapped up with everything going on inside of me that I hadn't even realized that summer came. I usually didn't get to spend my summers outdoors. I should be enjoying it.

When we got back to the barn and they put the toys away, I was buzzing with energy. I felt renewed and exhilarated. I wiggled my leg impatiently and played with my charm bracelet on the ride back to the apartment.

"You okay?" Ryder finally asked me.

"Yep. Just energized now," I said. "Thanks. For today." His playful joking and laughter made me feel lighter.

"Don't mention it," he said, watching the road. I stared at his profile, noting the few days of scruff growing in. I almost wanted to touch it, feel the scratching under my hands. I promptly scolded myself and pulled my eyes away. I shouldn't be thinking of someone else. Not yet and not about someone that was so confusing.

When we pulled into the parking lot, I was relieved to see Scarlett's car. She's been coming and going for the past few days, and the times I did see her, I didn't feel like talking. We walked up the stairs in silence and I took the muddy boots off before we headed in.

"There you guys are. Why is she covered in mud?" Scarlett asked as soon as Ryder opened the door.

"We were at Caleb's," he told her.

"Oh," she said surprised. "And you went willing?" she asked me with a smile.

"Not really," I laughed. "I'm gonna shower."

"Good. You need to," she quipped.

I went to Scarlett's bathroom and turned on the water. I looked in the mirror and smiled at my mud-speckled face. My braid was coming loose and I didn't even bother putting on makeup when I left today. I worked my hair loose from the braid and peeled the muddy clothes off me. I stepped under the spray and let the water wash over.

I imagined all the worries and pain washing down the drain with the water. I imagined a new and improved Kallie appearing beneath the old Kallie, who was melting away with the hot water. I pictured each and every overbearing thought being watered down and eventually, washing away along with the dirt on my skin. I pictured every droplet falling as an unshed tear, disappearing.

When I finally felt renewed and cleaned, I wrapped a towel around me and went to Scarlett's room. She was lying on her stomach on her bed, drawing a detailed feather on her sketch pad. I rummaged through my pile and changed into fresh clothes.

"Where you been?" I finally asked her.

"Just out and working," she said, not looking up from the paper.

"Out?"

"Yeah. I went out with some people from work a few nights. Met some guys," she winked. "You and my brother seem to be getting along better."

"What do you mean?" I asked, confused. I didn't see us as getting along or not. We coexisted.

"I swear I could cut the tension around here with a knife," she said, laughing.

"Oh. I was having a rough few days," I said. "So, you left me here, alone with him, thinking we weren't getting along?"

She looked up at me surprised. "Oh shit. I didn't really think of it like that. I feel like such an ass," she rushed, sitting up.

"It's fine," I lied. "I just don't know anyone except you."

"We can change that," she said with an evil smile.

"You are full of bad ideas," I scolded her mockingly. I flopped down on the bed next to her. "So, I never slept with him."

"Who?" she asked, laying down next to me.

"Ryder," I clarified. "I assumed I did that first night, but I didn't. Just stayed the night, I guess."

She chuckled. "You should be able to tell if you had sex the next day. Even if you don't remember, you know."

"Don't make fun of me," I snipped. "I'm embarrassed enough."

"Fine. Sorry," she said, biting her tongue.

After some silence, I blurted, "I also tried to sleep with him."

"You did what?" she asked, sitting straight up to stare at me. "Tried?"

"Yes," I said and covered my reddening face. "He turned me down. I don't know what came over me."

"He turned you down? Ryder?"

I nodded. "Okay, I don't want to talk about it anymore. It's humiliating." I could feel my face bursting into flames.

"Oh, no. We have to talk about this." She smacked my stomach lightly. "What did you do? Why?"

"I basically jumped on top of him and begged pathetically." I rolled over and buried my face in the bed. "I don't know why. I've only ever been with one other person and I just wanted to forget everything around me."

"Huh. So you just wanted to rebel?"

"Pretty much, I guess."

"Well, I've been waiting for that to happen. I figured if a good girl like you ran away and was hiding in the middle of nowhere, she was bound to snap eventually," she said.

I turned my head and looked up at her. "I didn't run away. Not exactly. I'm an adult. I'm free to come and go as I please." I didn't even sound convincing.

"Sure you are. Look, I'm all about finding your own way and all that, but word of caution," she said, looking at me with a worried expression, "Ryder is not the best way to do it. He'll hurt you."

I sighed. "I'm not looking for a relationship or anything. I just got out of a serious relationship. I don't know what I was thinking." I felt bad for not telling her about Carter, but I couldn't talk about it with her yet.

"I know, Princess. He's a one-time kind of guy," she shrugged. "I'm just trying to look out for you. Both of you."

"Well, he didn't even have his one night with me, so no worries. And don't call me Princess."

"I would keep it that way if I were you. All the girls say they are looking for fun, nothing serious, that they expect nothing from him. But deep down, they think they'll be special," she said seriously. "They think they will be the special one to tie him down. They end up broken hearted in the end."

"Noted," I said thoughtfully. I didn't have a heart to give anyone, so I was sure I was safe from the evils of Ryder. "Are you off tomorrow? I get so bored without you here."

"I'm off and I have some ideas for things we could do," she grinned. In the short time that I had known Scarlett, I've come to learn that nothing good came from that grin. That look usually ended up giving me a hangover or resulted in me embarrassing myself.

"So, what are we doing today?" I asked Scarlett over coffee the next day. Ryder left for work and we were already all done up for the day.

"I was thinking we could head into town. They have a beauty supply store I've wanted to go to. Plus, I have an idea for that pretty hair of yours," she said.

"Like what?" I asked cautiously.

"I'm thinking pink," she said with wide eyes, and her arms stretched out like she just did a magic trick.

"No," I said, shaking my head. "Won't I look like cotton candy on a stick?"

She laughed at me. "Boys like candy," she said with a wink. "Besides, I meant just streaks. Not your whole head."

I sighed with relief. "Will it wash out?"

"It better not," she said. "Let's go. You'll be fine."

I followed her down to her car and we made the long drive into town. We bought the hair supplies she needed and spent an outrageous amount of time picking out nail polish. We hit a few more stores and picked out more clothes before stopping at a small deli for lunch. I could talk easily with Scarlett, but I continued to avoid any topic of Carter or why I left home. I could tell she was fishing for information by telling me about past loves and hoping I would join in on the conversation.

Ryder still wasn't home when we got there. We were able to blast our music while Scarlett did my hair. She didn't let me peek while she pulled various strands up to be colored. I fiddled with the charms on my bracelet while she worked. My hair has never been anything but blonde. I was nervous how I would look with color and what people would think.

"Okay, now we just let that sit," she said, pulling off her rubber gloves and tossing them in the bathroom sink.

I got out my phone while I waited for my hair to soak up the dye. My eyes burned from the smell, so I went to the living room to escape the poison gases trapped in the small bathroom. Not surprisingly, I had tons of texts and voicemails. I barely turned on my phone anymore. Knowing all the calls and messages I missed gave me knots in my stomach.

I checked my bank and was shocked to see there still hasn't been a deposit. They must be seriously mad at me. My stomach churned and my hands started to sweat. I turned off the phone and put it back on the counter so I didn't have to see the number of calls from my mother. To add to my worries, I was running low on funds and I had no idea how much my car would be.

What if it couldn't be fixed? What if I have to call them for money or to pick me up? What if I pushed them too far and they didn't want to help me anymore?

"You okay?" I didn't even hear him coming in the door. "You're breathing funny."

I looked at him startled. His face was blank and his eyes seemed to look right through me. "I'm fine."

I would ask him about my car later. It looked like he had rough day. He stalked past me and into his bedroom, closing the French folding doors behind him.

"Times up, Princess," Scarlett sang out while skipping over to me.

"I hate that nickname," I mumbled. She grabbed my hand and dragged me to the bathroom.

I squeezed my eyes shut while she used the detachable shower head to rinse my hair. Nerves bubbled up waiting to see the final result. She wrapped my hair up in towel and escorted me out of the bathroom and to her room.

"No peeking yet," she ordered, bouncing with excitement. It was hard not to smile at her enthusiasm, even if I was terrified. She dried my hair and put some mousse in it.

"Am I done?" I asked while she inspected me with her hands on her hips.

"Yep. Now, come see my masterpiece."

I slowly got up and walked to the mirror. My hair looked the same, but with more volume and bounce than usual. Thin streaks of hot pink peeked out under my blonde hair. I grabbed a pink lock and twisted it around my finger.

"I like it," I told her. She glowed and looked at me in the mirror. I did like it. It was subtle, but enough to look cool. It looked tough and wild, but still cute and feminine. It was perfect. "Thank you."

"No problem, babe," she said proudly. We went out to the living room to find Ryder watching a movie. "What's wrong?" she asked as soon as we came out.

"Nothing," he said while turning his head to glare at her. Scarlett glared back. The twins had a stare down, looking like they were carrying on their own little silent conversation. I shifted awkwardly, feeling like an intruder.

"Back off, Scar," I heard him grunt to her.

"No. What's going on with you?" she prodded.

"I'm serious, drop it," he growled.

She shrugged and sat down in the recliner, leaving me to sit on the couch with a grumpy Ryder. I hesitantly sat down and played with the charms. We all sat in silence watching whatever was on the screen in front of us. Suddenly, a warm hand was over mine, squeezing it.

"Stop."

I pulled my hand away and fought the urge against my nervous habit. Finally, when my muscles ached from the strain of holding perfectly still, Ryder went back to his room and loudly closed his doors behind him. I looked over at Scarlett, who was staring at the door he disappeared behind.

"Well, I guess I will go get something for dinner," she mumbled. Before I could even beg to come along, she was down the stairs.

I paced the living room and finally worked up the courage to knock on his door. My hands were sweaty and my heart was beating in my throat. I raised my hand and gently knocked. Soon, the door swung open. Ryder stood in the opening without a shirt, looking at me with an annoyed expression.

"What?" he snipped, looking bored with me already.

"I... um, I just wanted to... uh," I stuttered, not ready for the confrontation.

"Spit it out, Kallie," he said as he turned and walked back into his room. I cautiously followed him, coming a little further into his room.

I hadn't been in here since the lovely morning I woke up in his bed, sick and confused. The room was dark, with black bedding and dark wood shelves. Clothes covered his floor and the nightstand was cluttered with glasses and bottles.

"Can I help you?" Ryder asked in fake sweet tone.

I rolled my eyes. "I just wanted to know about my car. Mostly how much it would cost," I asked, looking at my feet.

He sighed. "I don't fucking know yet. Trust me, I want it done more than you do."

My eyes widened and I took a step back. I didn't expect the hostility that I felt rolling off his body in waves. I was trying to get out of his hair. He glared at me with anger that I had no idea what I had done to put there. Yesterday, he was nice to me and I thought we actually got over my embarrassing stunt from the other night.

"You don't have to be mean," I said quietly. "I just was trying to figure out how to pay."

He came closer to me, and I stepped back again. "Take a cab."

"I don't want to. I want my car," I insisted.

"Well, Princess," he sneered, "not everyone can have everything they want. Maybe it's time you learn that."

"Why are you being like this?" I squeaked. "Do you want me to leave?"

"Yes."

"What did I do to you?"

"Nothing at all, but not for lack of trying," he smirked at me. "Isn't that right, sweetheart? You wanted me to do something to you. Didn't you?"

I shook my head and continued to back away from him. The look in his eyes and the clenching in his jaw was scaring me.

"You should leave. You don't belong here. You should stay away from me," he growled as my back hit the one of the closed doors. "Go home."

"I don't have anywhere else to go," I whispered. Tears started to form in my eyes and I tried to blink them away.

"Go home," he said more forcefully this time and put both of his hands on either side of my head. I was blocked in by his massive body. "I will only destroy you. I destroy everything in my path. And everyone. You should stay away."

"She's staying," I heard Scarlett bite out from the doorway. Ryder continued to stare me down like he didn't notice his sister. "Now get away from her. She is here as my guest and if you don't like it, then fuck off. I pay half the rent here, too."

He backed off me only slightly, keeping his glare locked on my eyes. I ducked under his arms and scurried past Scarlett. I ran to her bedroom door and realized it would be rude to lock myself in her room. I turned around and went to the bathroom, locked the door, and slid my back down the wall until I was sitting on the cold floor.

My hands were shaking and tears were streaming down my checks. I didn't know at what point I started to cry. I buried my face in my hands and tried to calm my breathing. He was so angry, his voice hard. It was obvious he meant it when he told me to leave. I wished I had the sense to at least bring my phone in here with me. What hurt more than being unwanted was not being able to get out.

I didn't know who I could even call for help now. I probably burned all my bridges with my disappearing act. My parents were furious enough to cut off my funds, so they'd definitely be angry enough to deny me. I noticed the calls from my friends had decreased the longer I was gone. Just like Carter, the longer I was gone, the quicker they all forgot.

Thinking of Carter made the tears come harder. The knocking on the other side of the door was barely audible over my cries. I ignored it. All I had ever wanted was to find peace, find a way to finally wake up and be okay with losing such a huge part of me. All I managed to do was create bigger problems, more drama, and make a fool of myself. I was no closer to finding my way.

## CHAPTER FOURTEEN

##

**_Kallie_**

I woke up the next morning in Scarlett's bed. I didn't remember leaving the bathroom after my meltdown. Nobody was home, so I spent the morning walking around the small town, avoiding the garage at all costs. Scarlett eventually came home from work that evening and we had dinner together. Ryder didn't come home that night. Ryder didn't come home all week.

"He's probably drunk in some whore's bed," Scarlett said when I asked where he was and if she should be worried. "That's how he copes."

"What is he coping with? What did I do to make him hate me so much?" I asked.

She just laughed. "He's a guy. Who knows? I don't think he hates you, though," she said.

"He sure seemed like it," I mumbled under my breath.

"I think you were just at the wrong place at the wrong time. He was upset and you were there for him to take it out on. Not okay, but that's what happened."

"I guess."

"He just has some issues and he shuts people out," she said. "He's been a little weirder than usual lately."

"He said he would only destroy me," I told her.

"Well, he seems to think that. He thinks he's a walking tornado, ruining everything and everyone he comes into contact with," she said quietly.

"Why does he think that?" I mused.

"I don't know. Not my story to tell, babe. Anyway, don't worry your pretty little head," she said, sounding chipper. "We have plans tonight."

"Oh, no," I groaned. "This never turns out well."

"Oh, don't be a prude. I'm gonna help you rebel and we are finding you trouble to get in to," she announced.

"How about if you are helping me become a good-girl-gone-bad, then I get to help you stay out of trouble," I offered.

Scarlett actually seemed to be considering my compromise. "Deal. But tonight, you are finding a rebound guy."

"Rebound?" I asked, confused.

"Yeah. You know, the guy you get with to forget the guy you just broke up with," she explained, looking at me like I just grew another head.

"I know what it means," I said. I felt guilty for not telling her now that I didn't just break up with a guy. He didn't break my heart and leave me all alone. He was torn away from me. From this world.

We spent forever getting ready. Scarlett was dead set on making me wear as little clothing as legally possible. I promised if she wore what I picked out for her, I would wear what she wanted me wear. She knew I would cover her head to toe, so she eventually gave in.

We compromised on putting me in a blue plaid skirt, a navy blue tank top, and a leather jacket. I borrowed a pair of her black boots to complete what I was calling my "slutty school girl" outfit. I teased my hair and wore it down. I loved the way the pink color stood out from the rest.

"Caleb has these parties every now and then," Scarlett informed me as we walked from her car. I looked around and didn't see anyone in sight. I was starting to worry she brought me out here to kill me. The area looked abandoned. "They sell fertilizer or something like that. When his boss goes out of town, he throws a huge party here. But, they only happen a few times a summer, so it's something you can't miss," she explained excitedly. "You have to park far away so we don't attract attention."

I kept up with her brisk walk. Finally, we came to a large warehouse. There were very few cars in the lot, and from looking at the place, you would think it was empty. I saw a few other shadows coming out of nowhere and going to the warehouse as well.

When we finally reached the small main door, I could hear the loud music bumping from inside. We went in and down about three steps before reaching a landing. To the left, a few more steps led to the large storage space. Lights flashed over the moving bodies. I stood on the landing and watched from the railing. It looked like a nightclub I had seen in the movies.

Scarlett grabbed my hand and pulled me down the steps to the party. A DJ was setup at the bottom, complete with fog and strobe lights. The music almost hurt my ears from being so close to the speakers. Scarlett pulled me away and through the dancing bodies to the other side of the warehouse. I pushed through, getting touched and jostled every so often.

We finally made it to a bar that was setup in the back corner. The bar consisted of a few planks of wood being held up by some buckets. More buckets served as a bar stools. Several folding chairs and small patio tables were scattered around. The music wasn't as loud on this side and most of the people around were just talking. Scarlett asked the bartender for drinks while I watched the crowd. She handed me a glass and I took a big gulp to calm my nerves.

"Ladies! You made it," shouted Caleb, making his way through the line at the bar to greet us. He wrapped us both up in a hug, lifting us off the ground. "Good to see you again," he whispered in my ear.

"I never miss these," Scarlett said as he put us down. "Where's Logan?" I nervously ran my hands down the skirt, wishing I could make it longer.

"I saw him around earlier," he shrugged. "He was pretty wasted already. They both are."

"Fantastic," she grunted. I never thought to ask if Ryder would be here. It was his friend after all, why didn't I expect him to be here?

"Have a good night ladies." He pulled me closer to him and bent to my ear, "Dance later?" I nodded back instinctively.

Caleb disappeared into the crowd as we finished our drinks. When we went back to bar for more, Scarlett ran into some people she knew. Soon, shots were being poured and I was downing them with the rest. Each one burned less than the last until eventually, I was completely numb.

I eventually confessed to our new friends how much I loved them. My face was tingly and I felt twenty pounds lighter. I loved everyone there. They were good people. I was leaning against Scarlett for support when I was suddenly jostled backwards.

I stumbled back and caught my footing before landing on my butt on the floor. I spun around to find Ryder smirking at me. I instantly wanted to punch him right in the face. My face burned red as I fumed and he raised an eyebrow at me, almost like he was daring me to.

"What the hell was that for?" I yelled as I pushed him back.

He barely moved. He didn't answer me; instead, he continued to stare me down. He was wearing his usual jeans and a tight tee shirt. His black hair was messy and pointing in different directions.

"See something you like?" he asked me. I snapped my eyes away from his chest to see his black eyes shining with amusement.

"Not at all," I quipped. He rolled his eyes at me. I clenched my jaw and shook my head, trying not to bite his head off.

"Dancing," Scarlett called to me as she was dragged over to the dance floor.

"That's my cue," I said, waving to him. I walked past him and turned around after a few feet to see his eyes on my backside. "See something you like?" His eyes snapped up back to mine. I laughed because I had the upper hand. I continued to walk away, feeling his eyes burning into me the entire way.

I found Scarlett and our new best friends from the bar. They claimed a small area on the dance floor. Scarlett reached out for me and I grabbed her hands, letting her pull me into her. She raised our hands up and we danced along with the beat. I moved along with her, closing my eyes and listening to the deafening beats.

Scarlett, not so nicely, brushed off any guy that came within touching distance of us. After a while, fresh drinks magically found our hands. We raised our glasses and never broke our rhythm. Eventually, I felt nothing. Not the pain in my feet, or the heat on my skin. Our new group kept us encased in a fortress of dancing bodies.

Scarlett pulled me in and we moved closely together to the music. Sweat was dripping down my back and I tried to remove my leather jacket. I felt like I was on fire. I handed off my drink to whoever who grabbed it, or maybe I dropped it. Scarlett helped me pull the tight, tough fabric off my arms. Finally, we managed to get it off and I gasped at the coolness I finally felt.

I knew how Scarlett and I looked to the people around us. I just couldn't seem to care. We swayed and twirled together. Sweat was coating our skin, and the room was only getting warmer. When another drink found my hand, I realized I really needed water.

"Water," I yelled in her ear. She nodded and pulled me out of the crowd. My skin instantly chilled outside of the moving crowd. She pointed up, so I looked up at the second floor of the warehouse. I nodded and let her pull me up the stairs.

"They keep it up here for some reason," she slurred. "I guess no room down there at the bar?" she mused.

"Hold it, girls."

We both came to a halt and I ran into her back, shoving her forward. She stumbled and Logan caught her just before she hit the floor. I looked up to see a very angry Ryder and Logan glaring at us.

"What the fuck," Scarlett shouted, pushing Logan off her.

"I think you two are done for a bit," Ryder announced, handing us each a bottle of water. I quickly took mine and drank as much as I could. Scarlett threw hers back at him.

"Fuck off," she slurred. "We're having fun, so you two mind your own damn business. Come on, Kallie," she said. I started to follow her before Ryder's arm wrapped around my waist, stopping me in my tracks.

"Scarlett, just chill out," Logan told her when she yanked her arm away from him.

"No. You're more wasted than we are. Don't tell me what to do," she snapped, shoving Logan hard in the chest. He didn't budge. I giggled at her failed attempt.

"Do you have any idea what you two look like out there? You're asking for trouble, darling," he warned her.

"What? You like that?" she asked, her voice dripping with seduction.

He shook his head, quickly wrapped both his arms around her slim body, and then lifted her off her feet. She kicked and fought against him. He remained calm and walked away from us with a screaming Scarlett in his arms. I watched him drag her away and then looked back at Ryder. He was glaring at me and I shrank under his stare.

"Well, if you'll just excuse me," I said, trying to step around him. I made it all of three feet before he grabbed my arm and turned me to face him.

"What happened to never drinking again?" he asked.

"What happen to staying away from me?" I threw back at him. His jaw clenched and he pushed me until my back was against the metal wall. The metal felt cold and refreshing on my body.

"Is that what you want?" he asked. His tall body had me surrounded. With his chest at my eye level and one of his hands on the wall next my head, there was no escaping.

"Does it matter?"

"Not really," he admitted, leaning in, only boxing me in more. "I don't think you want me to though," he said in a low voice.

"Is that so?" I tilted my face up to look at him. His confidence and arrogance was starting to irritate me.

"Yep," he assumed, leaning down closer to my face. I could smell the liquor on his breath. "I think you want me."

I snorted nervously. I could feel his body heat coming off of him and all my head could think of was how right he really was. I shook my head defiantly at him, not trusting my voice. I had no idea what he was doing to my body right now, but it was not agreeing with my head.

"That's bullshit, Princess," he growled. His body pushed flush against me and I gasped at the surprise. His hand slide down my arm and rested on my hip. "I heard you begging for it."

"That was a mistake," I spoke through gritted teeth. I placed my hands on his chest to push him off, but he didn't move. He continued to move closer to me, breathing hot air on my cheeks, my ears, and down my neck. I squirmed at the sensation.

"What's wrong?" he asked, tilting his head with a mock expression of concern. I could only shake my head at him. My body felt like it was on fire as he dug his fingertips into my hip. My breathing was now in pants and I could tell by the way he was watching my rapidly moving chest that he noticed, too.

His hand let go of my hip and a sound came from my mouth from the loss before I could stop it. His eyes locked on mine and he gave me a knowing smile. His hand traveled down my thigh and stopped behind my knee. He quickly lifted it up to his waist, pushing himself closer to me. I could feel his jeans on my thighs as he pushed me into the wall.

"Isn't this what you want?" he rasped in my ear. His hot breath mixed with his words made me shiver. "Do you have any idea what you did to me dancing like that down there?" He pushed into me, showing me exactly what I'd done to him.

Excitement bubbled inside me and I clenched my hands to keep from grabbing him and doing things that would only prove how right he was. I squeezed my eyes shut and forced myself to remain still. My one leg started shaking from holding most of my weight. My skin was clammy and hot, and my body burned like it never had before. Every nerve in my body was on overdrive.

Just when I thought I couldn't feel anymore, that I would explode from his words, voice, and body so close to mine alone, he proved me wrong. His fingers gently trailed from the back of my knee and up the back of my thigh. His touch was so soft that it tickled. When he stopped and palmed my butt, I felt the calloused skin from years of hard work.

The perfect mixture of soft and rough was driving me insane. I couldn't figure out how hands could be so gentle and soft, yet rough and hard. His lips grazed my neck and I exhaled a shaky breath. I felt his smile against my skin. He knew what he was doing and I wanted to push him off me for it. When his fingers trailed inside my thigh, I forgot why I was so angry with him. They rubbed the fabric of my thong and I was sure he could feel the wetness.

"You want me to touch you?" he asked against my collar bone. I nodded. "Say it," he demanded, his hands stilling.

"Touch me."

His fingers quickly moved aside the unwanted fabric. I dug my fingers into his chest with the anticipation. When he finally touched me, I moaned out loud. His fingers explored me for a second before I felt one finger enter me. I gasped and put my face in his shoulder to smother my moans. My other leg was about to give out on me.

Ryder grabbed my other leg with his free hand, and with little effort, he pulled it up to his waist along with my other leg. I was pinned with my back on the wall and one of his hands between my legs. He finally started to pull his finger back out, only to go back in again.

I leaned my head back against the wall and gasped at the sensation. I was so sensitive and teased that now his touch was amplified. He pulled out and reentered me with two fingers. I bit down on his shoulder to keep in the cry I was about to let out. My legs trembled around his body as I panted on his skin.

I knew anyone could walk by at any second, and it thrilled me. I had never done anything like this before and I was loving every second of it. I ignored the voice in the back of my head screaming that this was a bad idea. All I thought about was how good he felt and how I've never felt so much before, never felt so alive.

"Is this what you want?" he asked roughly. I nodded. "You like that?" he taunted in a low and tense voice.

"Yes," I breathed.

"Show me, Kallie," he demanded, pushing harder and faster. "Come for me."

With his words, I did as he commanded. His fingers worked me while I shook and squeezed against him. An explosion went off deep and sparks ricocheted inside me. I used his shoulder to smother the cries while the waves of heat rolled over my body.

When my body finally turned to liquid, he slowly pulled away his hand. He unwrapped my legs from his waist and let me stand on my feet again. He rested his forehead on mine as we both tried to slow our breathing. I could still feel him hard against my stomach.

"Ry," I heard from behind him. "We should go." Ryder pulled away from me, and I saw Logan standing behind him with a passed out Scarlett in his arms.

"Okay," he said and took my hand. He quickly led me down the stairs and out of the warehouse.

I inhaled the cool air deeply when we reached the outside. I let Ryder lead me to Logan's car and he helped me get in. Logan laid Scarlett across the backseat, resting her head on my lap. I closed my eyes and gently ran my fingers through her hair, feeling exhausted.

## CHAPTER FIFTEEN

##

**_Ryder_**

I wandered out of the room to find Logan passed out, face first, on the couch. The rest of the apartment was quiet, even though it was almost the afternoon. I started the coffee and rested my head on the counter. I looked up to watch Logan starting to stir.

"Shit," he groaned.

"Morning, gorgeous," I laughed back at him. Logan hadn't drank much this summer and was starting to become a bit of a lightweight.

I waited for the coffee to finish brewing and Logan sat up, rubbing his face. He had bags under his eyes and looked like he'd been losing weight. This week finally brought him some good news and he was beginning to go back to his normal self. Logan grunted as he stumbled to the kitchen and grabbed a cup of coffee.

"Girls up?" he asked me.

"Not yet," I told him, looking over at Scarlett's bedroom door.

We put both of their sleeping bodies in her room when we got home last night. Logan and I stayed up and finished a bottle of tequila I had stashed away. We sat silently and took shot after shot, drowning away our anger and worries.

"I can make breakfast," he offered.

"I don't have much to cook," I warned him.

"Bacon is all you need, bro," he said as he looked through the fridge. I nodded and moved to sit on a stool, giving him room to cook.

Groans from the bedroom let us know the girls were waking up and not feeling too great about it either. Logan had put some water bottles on the night stand for them last night. After a few more minuets, Scarlett darted from her room to the bathroom, slamming the door behind her. Logan turned and watched the closed door with a concerned look on his face. Scarlett rarely got sick after a night of drinking.

Kallie came out slowly behind her and let herself into the bathroom, apparently checking on Scarlett. We watched the door while we heard the shower turn on. Kallie came out, went to the bedroom, and came back out with some clothes. She set them down on the sink for Scarlett before coming to the kitchen, not looking at me, and poured some coffee.

"Never again," she said, shaking her head.

I laughed. "You say that every time," I teased.

She looked up from her cup to look at me. Her cheeks turned a pink color and she smiled shyly back.

"I know. Your sister is a bad influence," she joked. "I think she is seriously regretting it though," she said, looking at the door with a worried look.

She had changed out of her clothes from last night and wore cotton shorts and a concert shirt that was probably Scarlett's. Her hair was pulled into a messy ponytail. Her crystal blue eyes stood out with the light black smudges around her eyes from her makeup last night. I wanted to haul her off to my bedroom. Now, I wanted to punch myself.

My eyes traveled up her legs in the short shorts. Memories of touching them last night in that tiny skirt floated in my head. I had to look down at my cup to keep away the thoughts. I was supposed to be staying away from her. I screwed that up bad last night. Seeing her dressed like that and watching her dance, I couldn't stop myself. My hands and lips moved on their own accord. I was sure I would pay for my moment of insanity soon enough.

"She sick?" Logan asked quickly, abruptly stopping from flipping bacon.

"She'll be fine," Kallie told him. "Are you making breakfast?"

"Yes, I am, darling. Wanna help?"

"That's a bad idea," she said as she came and sat on the stool next to me. She fidgeted in her seat and played with the bracelet on her wrist.

Logan soon placed a plate of bacon and toast in front of us. We ate and Logan put some bacon to the side for my sister. We finally heard the water turn off when we finished eating. Scarlett came out in the clothes Kallie brought her and laid on the couch.

"This sucks," she whined.

"Logan made you bacon," Kallie remarked. She poured some coffee and brought Scarlett a cup and the plate of bacon. Scarlett smiled up at her.

"You were supposed to keep me out of trouble," she complained.

"Yeah, right," Kallie said. "Have you ever tried to get yourself to do something? You are the most stubborn person I've ever met." I laughed at her blunt honesty.

Scarlett glared back at her playfully. "Well, I at least helped you be bad." Kallie shot her a death glare and Scarlett shoved some bacon in her mouth.

"Thanks," Kallie said back sarcastically. She came back and grabbed her coffee and her phone.

"Why don't you ever have your phone on?" I finally asked. It's been driving me crazy. Every day it's on the counter and turned off. Most girls are glued to their screens. Surely she has someone who would be calling her. Or maybe that's the point.

Scarlett gave me a look telling me not to go there. I ignored her and looked back at Kallie for an answer. I could see her brain working to come up with a lie. She sighed and came back to the stool next to me.

"I'm avoiding certain calls," she answered. Sure enough, her screen flashed with voicemail, text, and missed call alerts. She ignored them all. Logan gave me a questioning look and I shrugged. This girl was a mystery to me.

"Is someone bothering you?" Logan asked, braver than me. "We can go kick some ass if you need us to, darling."

"Oh, no," she said, smiling at him. "Thank you, that's sweet. It's mostly my parents. They are a bit overbearing."

She told me her parents were calling a few weeks ago. I wondered what was going on that she would be ignoring them for this long. I wanted to ask, but I doubted she would tell me. She briefly scanned through her phone and I tried to peek at the screen.

"Ryder, I hate to ask, but do you think tomorrow we could find out how much my car will be?" she asked with a worried expression.

"Sure," I told her. Relief crossed her face and I realized she was expecting me to blow up on her like I did the last time she asked.

"You get a deposit yet?" Scarlett called out from her fetal position on the couch.

"No, I don't think one is coming anymore," Kallie muttered while shutting down her phone.

"Shit," Scarlett whispered.

"What's the problem?" I asked.

"Nothing," Kallie said, too quickly. "I just need to make sure I save enough money for my car. Since I haven't been home to work, my parents aren't paying me."

"Work? You?" I asked, and Logan gave me look. I was an asshole, no denying that.

"Yes," she said, obviously offended. "I work in my family's jewelry store. Did you just assume I had everything handed to me for nothing?"

"Well, kinda," I admitted and shrugged.

She let out a hard laugh. "Well, I earn the money they give me. Maybe I don't get paid by the hour, but they own me. I show up whenever they want, do what they want, say and feel what they want. In return, they pay me to afford my lifestyle. A lifestyle they approve," she bit out bitterly. "I'm going to go shower."

"Tried to tell you to drop it," Scarlett mumbled once we heard the water turn on.

"What's her story, Scar?" I asked her.

"Don't know much, really," she said sitting up. "She's a tiny vault. A teeny, tiny vault begging to be cracked."

Kallie finally came out of the bathroom dressed and looking better than she had this morning. Logan finally headed home and Scarlett was drawing in her room. A look of panic crossed Kallie's face when she noticed she was left alone with me. Hopefully she regretted last night like I did. As much as I enjoyed it, because I did, it wasn't the best idea. I was supposed to be keeping a distance.

"She's in her room," I told her, and she sighed in relief. She fingered the charms on her wrist, which I noticed was a nervous habit of hers. I knew I was going to regret the next words to come out of my mouth, but the big brother part in me wouldn't shut up.

"Let's go for a drive," I said. She looked at me in surprise. "We can stop by the shop and I can get the work order on your car with the final cost."

"Okay," she said slowly. "Why?"

"Because you wanted to know. Let's go, Princess." I just wanted her to stop asking me about it. Plus, once she signed off, we could start the repair and get the parts ordered. The longer she stayed here, the closer I got to completely destroying her. I already broke my own rules last night.

She cautiously followed me down to the lot and let me help her into the truck. I tried, and failed, not to look at her ass when she climbed up to her seat. We drove down to the shop in silence. I kept waiting for her to ask about last night, or about when I snapped at her, but she never did, which is good with me. I knew she remembered. I wouldn't have done it if I thought she wouldn't.

I used my key to open up the closed shop. The place was quiet and dark. She followed me to the small office and I turned on the lights and computer. I printed the estimate we prepared when we found the engine earlier that week and gave it to her.

"The engine is in California, so the shipping is what makes it expensive. It was the only one we could find in the states, though," I told her.

She stared blankly at the paper and I watched her eyes start to glisten. She closed them, trying to hold them back. I knew she wouldn't be thrilled that it was much more than the estimate we gave her. "Just junk it."

"What? I thought you wanted it fixed," I asked, surprised.

"I do. But I can't fucking fix it," she said, raising her voice. I raised my eyebrow at the f-bomb she dropped. "I don't have enough to pay for this. And I really should be paying you guys for letting me stay with you. I'm so screwed."

"How short are you?" I asked. "You don't think you can call your parents and ask for the money? I thought your family was pretty wealthy."

She let out a short laugh. "They are. But that would mean I would have to tell them where I am."

The look of defeat broke me. I couldn't stand to see her hurting, regardless of how bad I wanted her gone. She didn't deserve it. The little I did know about her told me she deserved the best.

"Come on," I said, grabbing her hand and pulling her out of the shop. My idea would probably come back to bite me in the ass, but I was going with it anyway. I wasn't known for my brilliance, after all.

I locked up behind me and led her down the street. She followed limply and didn't ask any questions. The blank look in her usually lively eyes rubbed me the wrong way. We walked the short distance through the bustling town and I opened the door to the diner for her.

"Ryder!" I heard from the kitchen.

"Hey, Minnie," I waved to her as she made her way through the tables to meet me.

"What brings you here?" she asked, pulling me down for a hug. I bent down to wrap my arms around the short lady. Minnie was like the town mother. Always welcoming, warm, and loving. "Who is this pretty thing?" she asked, looking at me with shock.

I shook my head at her to tell her it wasn't what she thought it was. "This is Kallie. She was looking for a job."

Kallie snapped her head up to glare at me. The fire was back in her eyes, and I smiled down at her.

"Hello," she said in a sweet and professional voice. "I'm Kallie Adams. It's a pleasure to meet you." She stuck out her hand for Minnie to shake.

Minnie looked her up and down, grabbed her hand, and pulled her in for a hug. Kallie's eyes went wide, but she gave in and hugged the round woman back.

"What experience do you have, dear?" Minnie asked.

"I have ten years of sales experience. I have a bachelors of science in business management and -," she cut herself off. Her voice was completely professional and polite. I guess that's what a fancy college would do for you.

"Well, can you waitress?" Minnie asked when she let her go.

"I'm sure I could learn," Kallie answered.

"Great. I just need someone to fill in during the week. My granddaughter, Lilly, and her friend, Stacey, work most summer weekends, so I am covered there. When can you start?" Minnie asked, excitedly.

I looked around the diner and noticed it was the same staff that had been there for as long as I could remember. I knew she didn't really need the help, but she was doing this to help Kallie.

"When do you want me, ma'am?"

"Tomorrow morning okay, sweetheart?"

Kallie agreed and Minnie scurried to the back to get some paperwork for her to fill out.

"What are you doing?" Kallie growled.

"Getting you a damn job," I told her. "You're welcome."

"I didn't ask for your help," she said through gritted teeth. I caught myself watching the muscles in her neck flexing. "I thought you wanted me to go home? I was giving up and going home. Without my car."

I moved closer and bent down to look her in her eyes. She flinched, but held herself still, not backing down from me. "And how the hell do you think you are getting home? You can't fix your car without money. You can't get money without earning it."

Kallie suddenly pulled away and turned to give Minnie a sweet smile. It amazed me how she could turn into a totally different person at a moment's notice. She filled out the paperwork and took the uniform Minnie gave her.

As we walked back to my truck, she unfolded the uniform and looked at it. "I have to wear this?" she asked.

I laughed. It was a pink dress that looked like it could be from the fifties. All the waitresses wore them, and they'd become part of the tradition for the small town diner. She got in my truck and pouted while we drove back to the apartment.

I turned off the truck and sighed. I had to say something eventually. "Look, about last night -"

"Let me guess," she cut me off. "It didn't happen. It will never happen again. You can save the speech, Ryder. I might be severely inexperienced and naive, but I'm not stupid by any means." With that, she got out the truck and headed up the stairs without waiting for me. I got out and followed shortly after. Scarlett was in the living room when I walked in and Kallie was no where in sight.

"Where were you two?" Scarlett asked accusingly.

"Don't start with me," I told her. "I took her to the shop for the estimate and then to Minnie's."

"You guys already ate?" she whined.

"No. She needed a job if she ever wants to get her car out of here."

She nodded and I sat on the couch next to her. "Leave her be, Ry," she whispered.

"I'm trying."

"She's a sweet girl," she said. "I think she's already going through a rough time, I can tell. She's broken inside, and she doesn't need you breaking what's left."

"I know this," I snapped.

"Ryder," I heard behind me. We both turned to see Kallie standing in the bedroom doorway. "Thank you for helping me get a job. I didn't mean to be rude."

I just nodded at her and turned away. The rest of the evening, I kept my eyes away from her. I drank several beers during and after dinner to clear my head. Scarlett was right. I was no good for her. Taking into consideration of the things I've done in the past few months alone would prove that. I would get her car fixed and get her out of my town.

## CHAPTER SIXTEEN

##

**_Kallie_**

I woke up in the morning and quietly got ready for my first day at the diner. Butterflies bounced around in my stomach. I woke up before Ryder did, but made enough coffee for the both of us. I showered and put on the uniform I was given yesterday. The pink dress was tight on my chest with a high waistline and a full skirt. I couldn't help but twirl around in it.

My pink hair matched the uniform perfectly. I pulled it up into a tight bun, letting some stray pink strands hang down. I grabbed a pair of flats and slipped them on. I took a deep breath, looked in the mirror, and smoothed down the skirt. Unable to stall anymore, I came out of the bathroom and found Ryder in the kitchen.

He was topless, as usual, and in a pair of shorts. His hair was a mess from sleeping and his eyes were barely opened. I waved to him and tip toed to grab my purse. I snuck out of the apartment and walked down the street to the diner. The town was dead silent at this time in the morning. The sunrise casted a calming purple tint over the little town.

The diner was alive and awake when I entered, unlike the rest of sleepy town I just walked through. Pots and pans banged in the back kitchen, mixed with shouting and glass clanking. Other waitresses bustled around, filling sugar containers and placing jelly packets on the tables and along the counter.

"There you are," Minnie said, coming towards me with open arms. This woman was a hugger.

"Yes, ma'am," I said. "What should I do?"

"Let's meet everyone first, dear."

She grabbed my hand and pulled me over to where the waitresses were getting tables ready for the morning rush.

"This is Tiffany, Sophie, and Cindy. Tiffany will be training you today."

"Nice to meet you all," I said as I waved at them. They smiled back at me and Minnie dragged me off to the kitchen.

"This is George. He's our cook," she said, introducing an older guy at the grill. He was a big guy, but his eyes were warm and his smile was trusting.

"Nice to meet you, dear. Welcome to the family," he told me.

"Thank you, sir," I replied.

"So, you're the beauty that has been staying with the Brooks twins?" he asked me.

"Um, yes. I guess that's me," I stammered. "How did you know?"

"Small town here, sweetheart," he smiled. "Not much is a secret." I wondered what else this town has heard about me.

"This is Pete. He cooks mostly nights and some weekend mornings. Alan is the busboy and dishwasher. He's somewhere around here," Minnie said, looking around the kitchen.

Minnie gave me a quick tour. She showed me the kitchen, bathrooms, the stock room, and the walk-in cooler. She then left me with Tiffany to start the day. Customers slowly filtered in and Tiffany took their orders. She showed me the things I should know as we went along.

Most of the customers were regulars, and Tiffany would just pour them coffee without asking what they would be ordering. Sometimes, George would even have a plate ready before we even gave him the order. I watched her ring up at the register and tried to memorize the menu. I kept busy mostly by keeping drinks and coffees full.

"You want your own table?" Tiffany finally asked when the morning rush died down.

"I don't know," I said nervously. "I don't know what people want."

"Just take their order. It will take you a while to learn the regulars. They'll know you're new," she reassured me while smiling.

"Okay, if you think I'm ready," I relented.

"You can have that one," she said, pointing to a man walking in the door. I exhaled in relief when I recognized it was Caleb.

"Kallie?" he asked when he saw me.

"Hey Caleb. You want a seat?" I asked before leading him to a small booth. "Just you?"

"Yep. When did you start here?"

"Today actually."

"Does that mean you're here to stay?" he asked, eyeing me.

"No," I said quickly. "I just need some cash to get my car finished up."

"I see," he said as he took his seat. I ran over and grabbed a coffee pot, filling his cup.

"What can I get you today?" I asked, trying to whip my notepad and pen from of my apron. I dropped the pen and Caleb reached down and picked it up.

"Biscuits and gravy, please," he told me, handing my pen back.

I wrote down the order and rushed back to George to put it in. I refilled a few more customers while I waited for Caleb's food to be ready. When George waved me over, I grabbed the plate and returned to Caleb's table.

"How do you like it so far?" he inquired as I filled his coffee cup.

"It's okay," I told him. "You come in here a lot? Everyone seems like they come in here everyday."

"Some mornings," he said. "You better watch out. This diner sucks you in. Some never leave. Like Sophie. She's been here for, like, forty years," he joked.

I laughed. "Well, I'm just getting enough to pay for the repairs and then I'm out of here. This town doesn't want me anyway," I joked back.

"You never know," he argued. "We could use a fresh, pretty face," he said, giving me the same dazzling smile that got me at the bonfire. "How are they treating you over at the Brooks household?"

"They're fine. It's fine," I told him.

"Well, if they act up, come find me," he winked. "I'll take care of you."

I shook my head but couldn't help smiling back at him. His dimples and freckles made it impossible to mistrust or dislike him. I retreated back to the kitchen and helped Tiffany serve a few more tables. Caleb sat smiling at me as I walked back to clear his table and drop off the bill.

"'I'm gonna have to come in more often," he said with a wide grin. "Nice view here."

"You think?" I said, humoring him. "You like the vintage look?" I asked while twirling the poodle skirt for him.

"It looks amazing on you," he flirted, leaning forward and locking his eyes on mine.

"Thanks," I blushed and backed away.

"He's cute," I heard in my ear. I turned to see Cindy, one of the other waitresses. She looked young, younger than me, and her eyes were eating Caleb alive.

"Yeah," I admitted.

"He likes you," she guessed, giving me an excited look.

"He's just a friend," I told her, trying to move away from her. I didn't need any more trouble than what I had already created for myself.

Caleb eventually left and gave a decent tip for me as well. I rushed around, cleaning up tables and keeping the customers' glasses full and tables cleared. I might not know anyone or what they liked to order, but I was observant enough to know when they needed a refill.

"You should just follow me around every day," Tiffany suggested to me during a slow period.

"Why's that?" I asked.

"Your pretty eyes doubled my tips for the day," she laughed. "You get half my tips today, by the way. And you really boosted them this morning."

"Oh," I said. I tired to calculate how much I would need to make in a day to pay for the repairs. I realized how foolish this was. The car was not even worth the amount I would be putting into it. I just couldn't stand to give it up. I kept my mind on keeping busy for the day. I didn't even realize it was almost time for me to clock out until Tiffany dragged me to the back to show me how to close my shift.

When I came out of the kitchen, I saw Ryder leaning up against the wall by the front door. His ankles were crossed and his arms were folded across his chest. His face and arms were smudged with grease. My stomach clenched at the sight of him. I hated the reactions he caused my body have.

"What are you doing here?" I asked as I approached him.

"Thought you would need a ride home," he replied.

"It's not that far of a walk," I told him as I passed and went out the door.

"I know," he admitted, following me. "I thought your feet would be hurting, though."

I winced at the pain in my feet. I don't think I sat all day. The flat shoes I wore offered no support for the bottoms of my feet. I sighed at the irritation that he was right. I kept my head up as I headed straight to his truck and opened the door. I grabbed the handles and pulled myself up into the high cab.

Ryder got in and started it up. "So, how was it?"

"It was fine," I said, taking off my shoes to rub my abused feet. I would need to ask Scarlett to take me to get better shoes.

"You like it though?" he asked as he pulled on the main street.

"Sure," I said. "Don't worry. I'll keep working and get the money. Your plan is working out just fabulously."

"You don't need to be a bitch about it," he threw back at me. "You're the one that wants to fix it so bad. And why is that?"

I sighed. He was right. I was the one refusing to get help or just get a ride home. My family had been begging me to get rid of that car for years, but I refused to let go.

"It was my first car," I told him as I let myself sink back into the seat. "It's nostalgic and irrational, but I love that car. It holds memories and experiences that I'll never be able to get back."

He nodded. "Tiffany said you made some pretty good tips."

"I guess." I had no idea what was good, or wasn't, when it came to tips.

We pulled into the parking lot and Ryder helped me down from the truck. I walked up the stairs barefoot and flopped onto the couch next to Scarlett as soon as I got in.

"Long day?"

"Flew by. Just busy," I whined.

She took my purse and shoes and put them by the door for me. She pulled out a pair of sleep pants and a tank top and laid them on the bathroom sink for me. "Go shower. You'll feel better, I promise."

I pulled myself up and dragged my body to the bathroom. I stood under the water and let the spray massage my sore muscles. I may have worked before, but not in such a physical position. I really had a new appreciation for Sophie. She was in her fifties, maybe sixties, and made the job look easy.

I shut off the shower when I heard raised voices over the water. I dried and put on the clothes that Scarlett put out for me, trying to hear. I couldn't make out their words. I didn't have the energy, so I decided to let my hair air dry. When I opened the door, Scarlett and Ryder were staring each other down in the kitchen. When she heard me come out, Scarlett turned to smile at me and walked out of the kitchen.

We ate dinner like nothing was wrong, and I was thankful. I didn't know if I could handle any more drama today. All I could think was that I had to get up and do it all over again. I was exhausted and the sibling rivalry would just need to wait.

It was times like this when I missed home. I missed having my own bedroom in its own wing of the estate. I was tucked away from the noise and my parents. I had my own private space where I could be alone whenever I wanted. Here, I had to wait for the twins to go to their rooms to be alone.

I was woken up in the middle of the night by a noise. I shot up and gripped the blanket to my chest. I looked around the dark room frantically, but couldn't see anything.

"Easy, Princess," I heard in the darkness.

"What the -," I fumbled around and found the remote. I turned on the TV, quickly hitting mute, to light the room.

Ryder sat at the breakfast bar with a bottle of something. His body was slouched over and the clock showed that it was very early morning.

"Go back to bed," he muttered.

"What are you doing?" I asked him. I got up and wrapped the blanket around me. I went to the kitchen and sat on the stool across from him. "Don't you have to work in the morning?"

"Yep. Mind your business," he said as he poured a shot from the bottle of liquor in front of him. He slammed the bottle down on the table when the glass overflowed. Liquid sprayed from the force, and I could smell the burn it caused when it ran down his throat.

"Well, you woke me up, so now you have to deal with me," I argued. I was fed up with his hot and cold attitude.

He grunted and downed his shot. Without thinking, I grabbed the bottle and poured another shot. Ryder reached for it, but I pulled it away right before he could wrap his fingers around it. I put the glass to my lips and tipped my head back. The liquor burned all the way down my throat and I shivered.

"Better watch it," he whispered. "That's what got you here in the first place."

"No, it's not."

"Then what did?" he asked with sudden curiosity. In the dark, I could feel his eyes burning into me. I fidgeted in my stool. It's always the same question from him, always the same lies.

"My. Car. Broke. Down," I said slowly, so he would understand.

He slammed his hand down on the counter. I jumped and looked back to Scarlett's door, waiting for her to come out screaming any second now.

"What were you doing at Hank's? Why were you there and drinking all alone? Why did you let me talk to you?" he rushed out. "You ask me questions and expect answers, yet you answer nothing. Probably because you're privileged and think you're owed something. But guess what, Princess? You aren't. Maybe you should think about answering some questions for yourself." He gave me a daring look at the end of his rant.

"Fine," I said through clenched teeth.

"Let's play a game," he slurred as he got up and opened a cupboard. He grabbed another shot glass and came back to his seat. "You answer a question, and then I answer one."

My stomach churned at the risk. I was never good at lying, but I would need to for his little "game". I wasn't willing to give away the truth yet. I reluctantly nodded and let him pour me a shot. I wasn't entirely sure what the shots had to do with the game though.

"Okay. So, why did you go to Hank's?" he started.

"I stopped at the cafe. The guy told me that it was the only place I could eat since Minnie's was closed," I improvised. He nodded and took his shot, quickly refilling the glass after.

"Your turn," he said, pointing to me.

I started with the obvious. "Why are you out here in the middle of the night drinking alone?"

"Rough day," he answered, pointing to my glass.

"That's all? Really?" I argued. That shouldn't count, it was too vague. He nodded, so I downed the shot before me. I would remember this for the next questions.

"Why did you leave home?" he asked, leaning in on his elbows.

I sighed. "Because they wanted me to be someone I just couldn't be anymore," I confessed.

"And who was it that they wanted you to be?"

"Nope. That was your question." He took his shot. I thought of my next question. "Why do I need to stay away from you?"

He laughed harshly. "Kallie, I'm no good. I ruin everything. I will ruin you. You look like you've already been through enough. You don't need me making it worse. Plus, Scarlett cares for you. If I hurt you, she would kill me."

"Why do you think you'll hurt me?" I said before downing the poison in the shot glass. "What if there is nothing left to ruin?"

"Trust me, Princess, there is plenty left to ruin. You just haven't found it yet," he said in a serious tone, sending goosebumps all over my skin. He took his shot and refilled both of our glasses.

"Your question," I reminded him.

"Who is it that you want to be then, if not who everyone else wants you to be?" he asked. His question knocked the air out me.

I played with the bracelet and tried to come up with an answer. "I don't know if I've figured that out yet. I just lived my whole life making them happy. Everyone. And when I wasn't happy, I couldn't make myself happy. At least not by their standards." That was as close to the truth as I could go.

He took his shot and nodded at me to take my turn. "Why don't you go to your mom's with Scarlett on Sundays?" The question had been burning in my head since the first weekend I stayed here. Every Sunday, Scarlett would ask him if he would go, and he would always refuse. He never spoke of his relationship with his parents, and neither ever mentioned their father.

"My mom hates me." When I looked at him with shock and skepticism, he nodded at me to take my shot. I did as I should and hoped he would elaborate.

"Tell me more," I whispered.

He sighed. "I was the reason my parents split."

"How's that?" I asked before I took my shot, out of respect for the game.

"Because I ruin everything," he said, taking a random shot. "That's all you're getting right now, Princess."

He paused to fill both of our empty glasses. My head was swimming and my face was feeling numb. I knew I should be giving up and heading back to bed, but I needed to know more.

"That doesn't explain why you don't see your mother, though," I gently added.

"I think she always blamed me. She took out all her anger and frustration on me. Not Scarlett, or my dad, or even the dog. Just me."

I tried to make out his face in the dark. All I could see was his shadow, but I could make out the slumped shoulders and defeated stance. I reached out and grabbed his hand that was gripping the shot glass. His body froze with the contact and I quickly pulled away.

"I'm sure she couldn't really blame you, Ryder," I said to the darkness. "She was hurting. People act like they never thought they would when they are hurt."

"Is that what you're doing?"

"Yes," I admitted.

"I think you've had too much to drink," he said as he grabbed both shot glasses and tossed them in the sink. He put the bottle back in the cupboard above the fridge and stalked right past me. I watched him disappear into his bedroom, closing the doors.

## CHAPTER SEVENTEEN

##

**_Kallie_**

The week went by without incident. Ryder never mentioned our early morning drinking game, so I didn't either. We were both becoming pros at avoiding what happened between us. When the two of us were together, it became a black hole where we'd disappear in time and space.

The early mornings at Minnie's were becoming easier as my body became accustomed to waking up early. I started to learn some of the regulars and their routine. I learned to carry around a hot pot of coffee with me everywhere, always ready to refill someone's cup. I saved every dollar I made.

"I'm thinking of dying my hair blonde Tiffany mused during a lull one day.

"What? Why?"

"Darling, you bring in twice the tips as I do," she said, slapping my thigh. "My hubby probably wouldn't mind it, either," she winked.

"I think it's just because I'm new," I reassured her. "I think they feel bad for me."

"I'm not positive that's it," she deadpanned. I heard the bell on the door ring and hopped up to seat whoever was coming in.

As I rounded the corner, I saw Caleb. His eyes were already on me and ignoring Cindy, who was trying to seat him. He walked up to me and I ushered him to the closest booth in my section. He was a regular now for me, so I poured his coffee and handed off his order to Cindy to take back to the kitchen.

"Morning, beautiful," he greeted, as usual.

"Morning, Caleb," I said back. "Your biscuits and gravy should be out shortly."

"What are you up to tomorrow afternoon?" he asked, stopping me before I scooted off to the next customer.

"Probably nothing. Why?" I asked.

"Come to the river. It's gonna be hot. They're calling for the hottest day of the year. Come swim."

"Where at on the river?" I asked. The river was wide and lined the entire border of the town. I didn't know my way around here.

"Scarlett and Ryder would know. Ask them," he winked at me. I rushed off to grab another customer that came in the door.

I served Caleb's meal and took care of the other diners. My feet were killing me and the morning rush wasn't even over yet. They say Friday mornings were the busiest days of the week here. I believed it. I plastered on a smile and politely chatted with the town's people.

When I cleared off Caleb's table and left the bill, he grabbed my hand. "Will I be seeing you tomorrow?" he asked in a low voice.

"Maybe."

"I hope so," he smiled as he laid down some cash and took his bill up to the register.

By the end of the day, I was covered in sweat. The heat was at full peak for the summer. I walked home and felt the sun burning the bare skin of my back. My feet ached and my arms were sore from carrying the trays of heavy breakfast food. I slipped off my shoes and held them in my hand as I walked barefoot down the sidewalk.

I stayed on the opposite side of the street as I passed the shop. I didn't need to talk to Ryder. I also didn't want to be told the timeline for the repair. If I was given a deadline for my payment, I would likely have a heart attack. I knew what I was making here at the diner, and I wasn't anywhere near where I needed to be to leave this town.

A whistle broke my self-wallowing. I looked over to find the source of the sound and saw Logan waving to me from the shop's parking lot. I sighed and crossed the street to meet him. The pavement was hot and burning under my bare feet.

"Hey, pretty girl," he said as he wrapped me up in a hug. I hugged him back.

"Hey, what's up?" I asked, peeking around him. I knew Ryder had to be here.

"Not much. Want a ride home? You shouldn't need to walk," he said, looking at my shoes in my hand.

"It's not that far, really," I insisted.

"Kallie," I heard from behind Logan. Ryder stood beside a truck hoisted up on a lift. He set down the tool in his hand and grabbed a towel, wiping off the grease. "Can I talk to you?"

I nodded and followed him to the office with knots in my stomach. He closed the door behind us and his eyes moved from my face all the way down to my feet.

"Don't make fun of the uniform," I joked, pointing at him.

"Kinda looks cute on you," he claimed, flashing me a smile. Just as quickly, his face went back to serious and void. He went to the computer and made some clicks. After a few minuets, he handed me a printed sheet of paper.

"Here's what we need as a deposit for the motor," he told me. "Travis wants some sort of deposit to have it shipped here. You know, so he doesn't pay for it, you skip town, and he's out that money."

"Well, I'm not leaving unless you force me to," I said. I opened my purse, pulled out some cash and, counted out what I had. I pulled out my checkbook and wrote a check for the remaining several hundred they wanted for deposit.

"Thank you," he said while making notes on the invoice. "It should be in soon, I would think."

"No worries." I turned and walked out of the office. I ignored Logan when he tried to get my attention for a ride home. I needed to get away from Ryder and the talk of leaving. It worked up feelings I couldn't explain yet.

The next morning, I woke up and the sun was already up. I smiled and stretched, glad I was off for the day. Scarlett was already up and I asked her about where they swam at the river. She got really excited and quickly dragged me to her bedroom. She rummaged through her drawers and found a bikini she thought I would fit into.

I held it up to my body. "Could you find me something skimpier?" I asked sarcastically.

"Look, that's all I got that I think your tiny boobs will fit into," she threw back at me.

"They're not tiny, are they?" I asked, looking down at myself.

She laughed. "No. But smaller than mine. That's what I got. Unless you want to go shopping," she added.

"No," I quickly said. I was trying to save money and needed to learn not to just buy anything I wanted.

"So, Caleb invited you," she said as she put on a pair of shorts and a shirt.

"Yep," I answered. I pulled a light, white cotton dress over myself. I braided my hair and pulled it over the front of my shoulder.

"Well, it's hot as hell, so let's go."

We rode through the small town and pulled off on a gravel road. A few seconds later, we pulled up to the edge of the river. Several cars and trucks were already parked in the grassy field. Scarlett parked and I grabbed our bags from the back of her car.

"There you are," Caleb said as he came toward me. His smile was wide and he was wearing blue board shorts. His skin was tan from the summer, and my eyes were drawn to the V that disappeared under the shorts. His hair was wet and his skin glistened in the hot sun.

"Here we are," I stated obviously. He grabbed my hand and led me over to a group of people on the shore. He let go of my hand to talk to some guys, so Scarlett and I found a spot to lay our things. The river was flowing quickly, and people were jumping in and sitting in inner tubes tied to the bank.

"Perfect day for this," Scarlett said while she slipped off her clothes, revealing her barely covered body. I stared in envy as she shimmied down her shorts and lifted her top. "Coming?" she asked me.

"Go ahead," I told her. "I'll be right there."

She shrugged, went to the edge of the bank, and jumped into the water. I could almost feel her refreshment from where I sat watching. Even in the light, cotton dress covering me, I was sweating and could feel the heat of the hot summer sun on my fair skin. Caleb went to edge of the river and winked at me before he did a back flip into the water.

I sat and soaked up the sun. My skin burned, but I loved the feeling. I felt like I hadn't been outside in weeks. My pale skin could use the sun.

"You just love torturing me, don't you?" I heard from behind me. I turned and saw Ryder with amusement and laughter twinkling in his eyes.

"Yep, that's me," I played along. "Just try to keep your hands off me this time. I can't have you begging me again," I mocked, barely able to contain the laugher.

Ryder sat beside me, and I saw Logan walk past us, straight to the river. He waded through the water and was right there as Scarlett raised up from under the water. She just about collided with him as he stood before her while she tried to wipe the water from her eyes. I watched in fascination.

"Scarlett bring you along?" Ryder asked from beside me. Before I could even open my mouth to answer, I heard his name being called. I looked behind him to see a fake blonde barreling towards him.

Being a natural blonde, I can spot out the fake from miles away, and she spent nothing short of a fortune to get her hair that white. Her breast were pouring out her bikini top. I eyed the tiny white fabric, knowing she knew damn well she would be falling out of it. Her skin was tan with a tint of orange. Probably from a tanning bed.

She glared at me as she approached us, and I looked back to Ryder. I saw him wince at the sound of her high-pitched voice. I finally realized she was the girl that was all over him at the bonfire. I turned and faced the happy people in the water, trying to ignore the Barbie throwing herself all over the guy next to me.

"Hi, I'm Crystal," she whined in a way-too-high voice. "You are?"

"Kallie," I answered, looking straight ahead.

"Want in?" Caleb invited, saving me.

I looked up at his outstretched hand and didn't hesitate to take it. He lifted me to my feet and I didn't look back as I followed him closer to the water. When he handed me a rope, I looked up at him in confusion. I raised my hands up and backed way, shaking my head. No way.

A flash of white and orange went before my eyes as Crystal grabbed the rope offered to me and swung herself into the water. I exhaled in relief and frustration. The crowd cheered as her half naked body swung over and plunged into the deepest part of the river.

Her bleach blonde head emerged from the water and she laughed with the crowded. Caleb grabbed the empty rope as it swung back, his eyes on her. I gritted my teeth as I watched her swim to the shore. I grabbed the hem of my dress and pulled it over my head.

"You don't have to do that," I heard Ryder say from behind me. I could feel his eyes trail down my bare body.

"Right," I mumbled as I reached out and took the rope from the distracted Caleb.

The crowd stopped cheering as I pulled the rope back and braced myself. I closed my eyes and ran to the shore, lifting my feet off the ground right at the edge. I was airborne and swung to the other side of the river, letting go right in the middle on my way back. I sank in the cold water, instantly feeling refreshed.

I kicked off the muddy bottom when my feet hit, and I propelled through the water, gasping for air as soon as I broke through the surface. Immediately, I felt hands grab my hips. I wiped my hair and the water from my face and was met with Ryder's brown eyes. He pulled me back toward the shore.

"I can swim," I insisted weakly, resting my hands on his chest.

"Just wanted to make sure you weren't hurt," he said in a low voice that stirred something deep inside me. His wet skin was slick and smooth under my hands.

My body flowed with the water and when he hit the muddy bank of the river, my body collided into his. My chest was flush against him and my legs intertwined with his out of instinct to keep afloat. Our eye contact didn't break, and suddenly the water wasn't very cold at all.

I slid my hands up his smooth chest and up to the back of his neck. One of his hands moved from my hip and gently up my back. I felt his hand glide up my skin and stop on my shoulder, pulling me in. I bit my lip while I tried to decipher the look on his face.

His lips crashed to mine without warning. Water splashed between our bodies with his rush and he tasted like heat and salt. He pulled my body closer to his and everyone disappeared. His lips on mine were all I knew.

His tongue brushed my lips and I opened to let him in. My tongue met his and they teased each other. His body floated back and he rested to lean against the bank of the river. His grip never loosened on me as his fingertips dug into my skin.

My skin was on fire, despite the cold water rushing over me. I wrapped my legs around his waist, bringing myself closer. He moaned into my mouth and the sound vibrated through me. I ran my fingers through his wet hair and pulled lightly. Our tongues wrestled for dominance. I soaked up every sensation his mouth and lips were giving me.

He spun me around so my back was on the bank. He pushed into me and I broke away from his mouth to let out a moan and take in air. His lips traveled down my exposed neck and kissed down my collarbone. I felt him push into me and I instantly thought we were wearing too much clothing.

My hands went to the waistband of his shorts. I felt his breathing stop on my neck and I slid my fingers further down, tickling the skin just below his waist. His lips captured mine again and my thoughts were blown away. A coughing sound broke the trance. Ryder slowly pulled away from my lips, nipping them a few times before finally looking up.

"Should we leave?" I heard Scarlett ask. I looked up to see her standing above us with her hands on her hips. Logan stood beside her with a grin.

"No," Ryder grunted back and pushed harder into me. I accidentally moaned out loud at the feeling.

"Yes," she countered. "You're causing a scene."

I finally remembered where I was. I looked around at the people watching. Most were swimming or chatting, minding their own business. I connected gazes with a very angry Crystal. I ducked my head behind Ryder's shoulder.

"We should go," I whispered into his skin. I felt him nod, and he slowly pulled away from me.

I looked into his face, expecting to see detachment and regret. Instead, I saw challenge, promise, and need. I also didn't miss the hint of confusion in there, much like my own. My insides turned with the look in his eyes. It basically screamed this wasn't finished. I slowly slid out from beneath him and turned to climb out. As I pulled myself up, I felt his hand cup my butt. I turned back to look at him.

"What? I'm helping you," he insisted with an evil grin, much like his sister's. I shook my head at him and grabbed Logan's outstretched hand.

He pulled me out of the water and Scarlett handed me my clothes with a dirty look. I kept my head down and put my clothes back on. I caught the glare she gave her brother. He threw one back, and they began another one of their silent arguments.

"You should say bye to Caleb," she scolded. I nodded and found him near the tree.

He was leaning against it casually as he watched me approach. "I've been wondering how long he was gonna hold out," he said smiling. I looked at him with confusion. "Thanks for coming, doll," he said, pulling me into hug. He leaned down to whisper in my ear. "You know where to find me if he breaks your heart."

I pulled back and shook my head at him. "That's not happening. Nothing is happening." I didn't have anything to give him. I didn't have a heart to break. He looked off behind me as Ryder, Logan, and Scarlett came up. I waved goodbye and followed Scarlett to the car.

We walked to the cars in silence and I rode back to the apartment with Scarlett. I kept touching my lips during the ride. They tingled and buzzed. It wasn't my first kiss, but it was my first kiss like that. It made me feel when I thought I was numb.

Logan and Ryder followed and we ate dinner together. With Scarlett and Logan around, I had no opportunity to find out what that kiss had meant. Ryder never kissed me before, and I never had a kiss that felt like that. One that made me question everything. The night at the party was different. It was about lust and want; he'd never kissed me then. The way his mouth claimed me today felt different.

## CHAPTER EIGHTEEN

##

**_Ryder_**

This Sunday was like every other Sunday. Scarlett asked if I was coming to my mom's with her. I told her no, just like every other Sunday. I avoided Kallie's eyes from the couch. She knew why I wasn't going now and I didn't need another lecture. I received enough from Scarlett.

"You wanna come, Kallie?" Scarlett asked. I froze mid-step. I slowly turned to glare at her, but she kept her eyes on Kallie.

I looked over and watched Kallie debate in her head. I could almost see the gears turning in her little brain. I clenched my fists. I didn't need my mother meeting her. She would love her, no doubt, but I also didn't need her telling Kallie all of my past mistakes.

"I think I'll pass, but thank you," she politely told my sister.

"You sure?"

"Yeah," she nodded. "I'm exhausted and sunburned, and I got to be up early in the morning. I just want to chill for the day."

Scarlett's eyes darted between me and Kallie. I shrugged and headed to my bedroom. I finally heard her sigh and leave the apartment. I paced my bedroom, wondering what to do with myself. I hadn't had a chance to talk to Kallie since what happened at the river yesterday.

I had no idea what she expected to happen between us now. I repeatedly pushed her away only to drag her back in. I wanted to kick my own ass for the mixed signals. I also wanted to kick Caleb's ass for having her there. I suspected he was doing it just to piss me off.

Right when I was just about to decide to stay locked up in my room all day, I heard the shower turn on, so I came out to the empty living room. I debated leaving, but really had no where to go. When Kallie finally came out from her shower, she wore a white, loose fitting halter top and a long skirt. Her hair was pulled up in a ponytail. Her checks and nose were red from the sun.

"Damn," I said when I saw the redness on her back.

"I know. I told you I got burnt," she whined, trying to get a look at her back.

I watched as she put some green gel on her small hands and rubbed it on her shoulders. She struggled to get the aloe on her back, where she needed it most. I walked over, took the aloe from her, and put some in my hands.

"Thank you," she said quietly.

I gently rubbed the aloe onto her shoulders and down her bright red back. She pulled her long ponytail and the straps of her top out of the way for me. I heard her wince when I grazed the skin.

"Sorry," I mumbled.

"It's okay." When I was done, I walked to the girl's bathroom and wiped the lotion off of my hands.

Kallie sat on the couch and pulled her legs up. She tried to maneuver to a position so the fabric of the couch didn't touch her sore skin. She sighed and leaned over in defeat. I snickered and sat on the other end of the couch, tuning on the TV.

"Come here," I said, motioning her over.

"Why?" she asked, eying me with suspicion.

I laughed. "Don't worry, I won't kiss you or anything. Well, unless you ask," I winked at her. "Lay on your stomach." What am I doing? I am asking for trouble.

She thought about it for a few seconds, before finally laying on her stomach. I motioned for her to come closer and led her head to rest on my lap. She laid her head down and I felt her muscles relax.

"You know, you could take off your clothes. You would be more comfortable," I joked.

I felt her laugh. "You would like that too much," she threw back. "I'm supposed to be staying away from you. Couldn't have you breaking my heart," she mocked me, using her fingers to make air quotes.

"It's good advice," I admitted, wishing I could see her face and read what she was thinking.

"I'm not too worried about the condition of my heart," she said seriously.

"And why is that, Princess?" I asked.

"There's nothing there to break. Nothing there for you or anyone else."

I didn't know what to say to that. She was always a mystery to me. She showed up out of nowhere and would never give anyone the real reason. I had a feeling that she was running from more than just her parents.

"You really believe that? Why?"

"It's been broken, and I can't seem to put it back together," she said thoughtfully.

After a while of silence, I looked down and saw that her eyes were closed. Her body had gone limp, and her head was heavy on my legs. I ran my fingers through her ponytail and wondered how she could feel so broken.

I would have imagined she was stronger than that. The girl I had come to know was too strong to let someone break her heart permanently. Her ex must have been a complete idiot. No bigger of an idiot than I was, I guess.

Scarlett later found us on the couch still. Instead of the scolding glare I expected, I saw concern. She came over and inspected the red skin that was starting to blister. She went and got the aloe, gently smearing some thickly over the blisters. Kallie barely stirred.

"She must have been completely wiped out. With work and all the sun, she was running on empty," my sister guessed, watching the small girl sleep. "She been out long?"

"Since you left," I told her. She sat in the recliner and looked at Kallie with worry. "She's already broken."

Scarlett knew what I meant. We rarely had to voice complete thoughts around each other. "I think so. I don't know her whole story, but from what I gather from bits and pieces that she lets slip, I think that she was with someone for a very long time. The only person she had ever been with. Something happened and she snapped. She couldn't handle the change, I guess, and the pressure from her life," Scarlett said in a whisper.

We stayed quiet for the rest of night to let her sleep. Any move Kallie made, she would wince and whimper in pain. I eventually lifted her head and went to my own bed. I laid awake and stared at the dark ceiling.

I could still smell her on me. Every time I closed my eyes, I pictured her lips on mine. Now that I knew what she tasted like, I only wanted more. All day I itched to touch her, to hold her. I was tying to behave, looking out for myself more than her. I knew with any more tasting or touching, I would never be able to get her out of my mind.

I could hear her soft sighs from the living room with every one of her tosses and turns. The sounds were driving me crazy, so I got of the bed. I stood in my doorway and watched her flip on her back on the couch, then quickly push back to her stomach. Against my own good judgment, I went to her and gently lifted her into my arms.

She stirred when I picked her up and I whispered for her to go back to sleep. Her head rested on my shoulder and I took her to my room. I laid her down on my bed and gently coaxed her to roll over, onto her stomach. She sighed as she sprawled out on the bed. Here, she would have room to sleep better.

I crawled back into my bed and laid as far away from her as I could. I was aware of her body next to mine even in my sleep. When I woke the next morning, she was gone. I hated how that upset me. Coffee was already made, and I realized she would have already left for work.

"That motor should be arriving today," Travis hollered to me as I walked in the shop.

I nodded and headed to the office to get the orders for the day. I busied myself with pulling in Kallie's car to prep it for the repair. Once the car was pulled into an empty bay and on the lift, I went to pop the hood. I opened the car door and was assaulted with her scent. I closed my eyes and pictured her laying in my bed last night.

I shook my head to clear the image. I would soon have her precious car fixed and ready for her to drive away and out of town. Eventually, I wouldn't think about her lips anymore. I wouldn't remember the way she moaned in my ear. If I could keep away until then, then I would be fine.

I reached for the hood latch and pulled it. I heard the click of the hood release and went to prop it open. I got back into the driver's seat to note the mileage and other info we needed for the paperwork. A photo was stuck in the center counsel, covered with loose change and sunglasses.

You can tell a lot about a person by the inside of their car. How clean they keep it, the radio station dialed in, the stuff laying in the cup-holder. They all gave hints about the driver. This car held little hints about the Kallie we didn't know.

My curiosity got the best of me and I pulled the photo out. Kallie stood wearing a black formal dress. Her hair was pulled into a clean bun and she wore a pearl necklace. She was on the arm of a man in a tailored tux. He was tall with blonde hair and blue eyes. The couple looked perfect for each other.

I couldn't stop staring at her face. She wore a perfect smile, to match her boyfriend's. She looked poised and elegant on his arm. What had me entranced was the look in her eyes. They were blank, not matching with her happy face. I didn't see the fire that I saw in her eyes. She was a different person in this photo.

I quickly shoved it back and went to work on removing the busted engine. The work went slow and I berated myself for not starting the removal days before. Travis didn't want the car taking up a bay when it wasn't necessary. By the time the truck showed up with the delivery, I was nowhere close to being ready for it.

We unloaded the large crate and pushed it in the back for storage. I cursed at the foreign vintage car and finished the day trying to remove the engine.

"Having issues, dude?" I heard. I looked up to find Caleb watching me in amusement.

"This thing is a pain in my ass," I grumbled. I wiped off the grease on my hands and went to shake his hand.

I had no hard feelings toward my friend. Kallie was beautiful and new in the town. I've seen the way every guy in town looks at her. I know the effect she has on them, me included. I couldn't lay claim to something that wasn't mine, no matter how much I wanted to.

Caleb and I go back to grade school. I knew if I told him to back off, he would, and I would do the same for him. I also suspected he was moving in on Kallie just to piss me off. But I wasn't going to admit to him that it was working.

"What are you doing here?" I asked him while I glared at the demon car.

"Had lunch at Minnie's and thought I'd swing in here to say hey," he said, looking under the hood as well. "Kallie's?"

"Yeah, replacement came today," I explained. He just nodded. "What time is it anyway? I was gonna try to catch her and give her a ride home."

"I already took her home," he told me.

"What? Why? She's not off for a few more hours," I said, looking at my phone.

"They sent her home early," he explained. "She burned her hand on the grill."

"Shit. Bad?" I asked.

"Not bad, but it was making serving a little rough, so Minnie gave her the rest of the day off."

I shook my head. She was already burnt from the sun, and now her hand. She was going to need to be wrapped in gauze from head to toe soon if she kept this up.

When I walked in the apartment that evening, I found Kallie standing at the sink with her hand under the running water. She gave me a sheepish look when I snickered at her.

"Let me see," I urged, taking her hand from the water. The skin was red and blistered.

"I found the one spot not already burnt, and you know, I just wanted to make sure I was consistent," she joked.

I laughed at her as I grabbed the tube of burn cream on the counter. "You're just too hot for your own good, Princess." I rubbed some cream on the burn and covered it with the large band-aid she had laying out. When I was done, I looked up to find her staring at me.

"Where's Scarlett?" I choked out. We shouldn't be alone.

"Going out after work, again. She texted me," she said, looking back down at her hand.

I looked over and saw her phone laying on the counter. It was turned on for once and notifications kept popping up on the screen. She sighed and switched a button to stop the vibrating. She laid it back down and opened the freezer. She grabbed an ice pack and held it to her hand.

"How's the sunburn?" I asked.

"Not as bad as this," she said, lifting the hand. "Jewelry is less dangerous," she mumbled as she went to the living room.

I made us dinner that night as I listened to the storm rolling in. I could smell the rain as the air became cool and damp. We didn't speak much as the thunder and lightning raged outside. Scarlett eventually burst through the door, soaking wet.

"It's really coming down out there," she gasped as she shook her wet hair.

"Sounds like it," Kallie agreed, staring out the window.

Scarlett ushered Kallie into her room, talking about a drawing she did for her. I relaxed on the couch, glad to be alone. The soft voices from the bedroom, mixed with the chaos outside, was calming. When my eyes started to drift close, I made my way to my own bed. I didn't want to take over Kallie's area.

I woke in the middle of the night from my dreams of her. Kallie's body was beneath me and squirming with need as I teased her with my mouth. In my dream, she whispered my name over and over in my ears. I sat up and took ragged breaths. I could hear my heart pounding in my ears, along with the rain on the roof.

I buried my palms in my eyes and sighed. I swear, I could still taste her skin on my lips and smell her in my sheets. It took days to rid the room of her smell the first night she stayed in my bed. I needed a beer, I decided, throwing the covers off and leaving my torturous room. A shadow jumped by the window when I threw open the doors. When my eyes adjusted, I could make out Kallie, sitting on the floor by the window.

"What the hell are you doing up?" I rasped out.

"Watching the rain," she answered quietly. "I used to love storms."

I grabbed a beer from the fridge and stood behind her. The rain was coming down in sheets and pounding on the street below. Kallie stood quickly and strode over to the door. She pulled it open without hesitation and took off down the stairs.

It took my brain a few seconds to catch up. I set the beer on the counter and pulled some shoes on before I headed down to see what she was up to. When I opened the door, I found Kallie standing in the middle of the alley.

She was standing with her arms out and her hands catching the water pouring down. Her face was tilted up to the sky and water splattered on her cheeks and eyelids. Her lips were pulled into the slightest smile. I took a step to pull her back inside, but stopped.

The calm and serenity on her face was captivating. She opened her mouth to catch raindrops. I smiled as I watched her twirl in the rain. Her clothes were wet and plastered to her body. Her bare feet splashed in the water pooled under her.

She pulled her head back down and her eyes found me instantly, like she could feel me watching her. I could make out the wide smile and light in her eyes, even through the sheets of water coming down between us.

## CHAPTER NINETEEN

##

**_Kallie_**

I could feel his eyes the moment they rested on me. I let the rain pour down over me. The cold drops of water hit my skin. I closed my eyes and inhaled the wet air. I could feel the charge of electricity all around me.

I opened my eyes and saw Ryder leaning in the doorway with his arms crossed. His dark eyes were on mine, and I could feel them burning through me. He stalked over to me, water splashing under his shoes. I gulped as he quickly closed the distance between us.

His hands grabbed the sides of my face and tilted my head up to look at him. Water dripped from his hair and onto my face before his mouth covered mine. I inhaled him in and let my body sink into his. His hands held my face as he kissed all the thoughts from my head.

He kissed me like it was his last wish. His lips and tongue claimed me, and I put it all out for him to claim. I kissed him back, savoring the taste of him mixed with the summer rain. The rain was washing away the fear and guilt that I felt every time Ryder affected me in ways I never had been before.

I ran my fingers through his wet hair and pulled him into me even more. He growled into my mouth as I tugged lightly. His hands came to the back of my legs and he lifted me up. I wrapped my legs around his waist, never breaking our kiss. He turned and splashed through the water, back to the building.

He pinned me to the wall while he fumbled for the door knob. When he finally got it open, he broke our kiss to step inside. I took the opportunity to attack his neck, nipping and kissing the skin. He growled and I felt his knees hit the steps before he slowly lowered me down to the stairs.

He hovered above me and looked down at my face. His eyes were dark and water dripped from his face and hair. His chest was rising and falling quickly, and his breath tickled on my face. He placed his hand on my chest, over my pounding heart, and stared into my eyes.

His lips crashed back down to mine and I arched my body into him. His large body pinned me to the steps as he breathed life and fire into my entire body. I moaned as he trailed his lips over my jaw line and to the sensitive spot behind my ear. He kissed and licked away the water on my neck.

When I thought I was going to scream, he lifted me up and stumbled the rest of the way up the stairs. He didn't break the contact as he reached behind me and opened the door. He walked with me to his bedroom, tossed me on his bed, and closed the door behind him. My breath caught at the sight of him. He was powerful, demanding, and sexy as he looked at me like I was his last meal.

With determination, he walked to the edge of the bed and climbed over me. He ran his thumb gently across my swollen lips. I could barely breath with his eyes looking down on me. I felt like they could see right through me. They could see through the shell on the outside and into the deepest depths of my soul.

He sat up and peeled off his wet shirt. He grabbed my hands and pulled me up, taking off my wet shirt as well. His eyes roamed my chest and his hands skimmed from my stomach to my back. His fingers unclasped my bra and I gasped when the cold air hit my bare skin.

He stared down at my chest and slowly palmed my breast. I moaned when his thumbs stroked over my hard nipples. I arched my back, pushing myself into his hands. He roughly pushed me back on the bed and slid my shorts down my legs. The only sounds in the room was our panting and the storm raging outside.

I felt vulnerable and exposed under his gaze. I fought the urge to cover my naked body.

"God, you're gorgeous," he said in a rough voice, sending goosebumps across my bare skin. His hands followed the trail behind them.

I placed my hand on his chest. "Is this what you want?" I asked him, as he asked me that night in the warehouse. I thought I might explode if he pushed me away at the last second.

The look in his eyes told me he knew exactly what I was asking him. I wanted him to decide what he wanted, but not with his brain, full of worries and paranoia. I wanted a choice based on what he felt, because for the first time ever, I was making a choice based on how I felt and nothing else. I was making a choice based on the fact that I was actually feeling again.

"I have wanted this since the moment I saw you sitting on that barstool, Princess," he whispered, lowering himself on top of me. "I wanted you that night, and every second since then." I leaned up and captured his lips, pulling him the rest of the way on top of me.

He pulled away from me, dragging his lips down my neck. "You have no idea how hard it was saying no to you that night. It was the hardest thing I have ever done," he whispered.

"Don't say no again," I pleaded breathlessly.

"Never."

He slowly ran his rough hands down my legs and rested them on my hips. He lifted me up to push me higher up on the bed. Ryder reached over to his nightstand, returning with a foil packet. I watched in fascination as he pulled back to take his own pants off and then rolling the condom over himself. My breath caught upon feeling our bare skin touch as he crawled over me

My heart raced and the sound drowned out the storm outside as he crawled over my naked body. I felt like I was his prey and only seconds away from being devoured. He snaked his hand to the back of my neck and pulled me into a kiss. His fingers tangled in my long, wet hair. My legs shook from the nerves and excitement as he placed himself between my legs.

He stopped and looked down into my eyes, as if asking for permission. I ran my fingers through his hair and pulled him down to me. I threw everything I had into the kiss. All my fear, needs, and wants traveled through my body and were laid out for him on my lips. I arched my body into his and he groaned into my mouth.

I squirmed under him, trying to get him closer to where I needed him. I felt him smile as he held me down. "Patience, Princess."

"I think I've been patient enough," I argued in a raspy voice.

With those words, he slowly slid into me. We both gasped and I threw my head back. He went slow and as deep as he could go before he stilled. I was so close to release with just the feeling of fullness from him. The room felt like it turned into a sauna, with the moisture from our hair and clothes mixed with the heat. All I could hear was our panting breaths.

When he started to move inside me, I cried out. Every cell in my body felt what he was doing to me. I had never been so overwhelmed and consumed before in my life. It was both terrifying and thrilling at the same time. I felt like I was giving it all up, all my control and everything I'd held on to for so long. Like I was about to free fall off a cliff. I just hoped that something would break my fall.

Ryder's hands skimmed over every inch of skin he could reach. It was like he was memorizing every part of me. I dug my nails into his back and relished in the pleasures he gave me. I could feel the pressure building, a promise of the best sensation I had ever felt. Every movement and touch was pushing me higher and higher.

"Shh. Scarlett," he growled in my ear. The rasp combined with the intensity in his voice pushed me over the edge. He covered my mouth with his to smother my moans. I fell apart in his arms as my vision faded and my climax overtook me.

When I finally felt like I was coming down from my high, another wave came over me instantly. I buried my face into his neck while I shook and trembled underneath him. He pushed into me harder and faster. His body jerked as he took my lips again to drown out both of our moans. I felt him swell and convulsing deep inside me.

His body collapsed on top of me, and neither of us moved for a while. When both of our bodies calmed and our breathing slowed, Ryder kissed my forehead before rolling off of me. I laid there, limp and spent, still breathing heavy.

"Wow," I whispered into the darkness.

"Exactly," he said back.

"Is it always like that?" I asked before thinking. Ryder turned to his side and propped his head up on his elbow to look down at me.

"How many people have you been with?" he asked. "You weren't a..."

"No. Only one," I said, looking away.

He placed his fingers under my chin to make me look at him. He kissed me softly and held his lips to mine. I felt like I was with a different Ryder. He wasn't the man that was pushing me away and then pulling me in for weeks. He ran his fingers up and down my back, and I rested my head on his chest. It always amazed me how hands so rough could feel so soft on my skin.

I could smell the warm, damp air from outside. The smell of wet grass and wet pavement that had spent all day roasting in the sun. I breathed it in deeply. The scent would be my new favorite thing. It would always remind me of this time with Ryder. Calmness, that I hadn't felt in so long, wrapped around me as I drifted off into sleep.

"You work today?" I heard through my fuzziness.

Memories about where I was, and why, filtered back in my mind and I slowly opened my eyes. I was still laying with my head on Ryder's chest. I blinked and rubbed my eyes, trying to come back to life.

"No, I'm off," I rasped.

"Good," he said. I could hear the smile in his voice. He pushed me back on the bed as he pushed himself up to look down on me.

"Don't you have to work?" I asked.

"I think I'm sick today," he said with a wink. He lowered down and kissed me.

His kiss was every bit as powerful and consuming as it was last night. Every touch from him seemed to erase a part of the old me. Each kiss seemed to erase a worry and negative thought. Just when I was feeling completely wiped clean, he pulled away. His eyes were dark and his eyebrows were pulled together, like he was thinking.

"What?" I asked.

"Just trying to figure you out," he whispered.

"Me too," I admitted.

"Everyone has secrets, Kallie," he said seriously.

The sound of my name from his mouth stilled me. He barely used my real name when he talked to me. It was usually Princess, which I hated.

"I think I'll keep mine," I said, closing my eyes.

"I think I can get them out of you," he said in a teasing tone as he moved on top of me. My body relaxed when I realized he wasn't going to keep interrogating me.

Hours and a shower later, we laid in his bed in silence. We could hear Scarlett moving around the apartment. I hoped she would assume we both had to work that day. Ryder's hands made circles on my bare stomach and I ran my fingers through his hair.

I didn't have a thought running through my exhausted mind. I didn't have any worries and my mind wasn't running through all the potential problems I could be facing later. I wasn't planning my next moves; I was just brain dead.

"Are you guys going to stay in there all day?" we heard from the outside of the door.

Ryder's body stiffened, and I clasped my hands over my mouth.

"We had plans today, Kallie. So get your cute ass in some clothes and get out here," she demanded. I could almost picture her with her hands on her hips, glaring at the closed door.

I sighed and rolled over to find my scattered clothes. When I grabbed what could have been my shirt, I realized it was still wet. I sighed and rolled onto my back.

"What's wrong?" he asked me.

"Clothes are wet," I whispered.

"There's no need to whisper," Scarlett hollered. "Would have been nice to do that last night, though," she muttered as she walked away.

"What are you guys doing today?" Ryder asked as he slid his lips over my neck. I squirmed under him and my body started to heat up again.

"Don't start that or I won't be leaving this room," I warned.

"That's the point," he growled lowly.

After several minutes of kissing, Scarlett banged on the door again. My body was ready and shaking under his. I sighed and quickly slid out from under him before I started something I couldn't stop.

"I don't want to be in more trouble than I already am," I explained.

He nodded and handed me one of his shirts. I slipped it over my body. The shirt barely covered my butt, but it would have to do. Scarlett already knew, so there was no point in hiding the fact that I was naked.

"I like that," he said, tilting his head and looking at me. I couldn't quite read his expression, so I took the moment to slip through his door.

I couldn't avoid the walk of shame. I felt a strange sense of déjà vu as I tiptoed past Scarlett, who was on the couch, to her room in Ryder's shirt. I heard her snicker as I kept my eyes on my destination. Once in the bedroom, I quickly found some clothes and put them on. The smell of Ryder on his shirt was making it too hard to leave.

After I applied makeup and had my hair in a long braid, I stared at myself in the mirror. My eyes were clear, my face still had a pink tint, and I felt like you could tell what I had been doing all night with just one look. I looked different, but the same. I took a deep breath and braced myself for the lecture I would be receiving all the way into the town.

When I came out, Ryder and Scarlett were in another staring match in the kitchen. I cleared my throat as I approached. Scarlett spun around and met me with the same smile she always had. I didn't sense the anger and disappointment I thought I would. Ryder still seemed a little stiff and tense, and I wondered what happened while I was gone.

"Ready?" she asked.

"Do I get coffee first?"

She sighed as she grabbed a thermos and filled it with coffee. She slid the cup to Ryder and he mixed in the sugar and creamer.

"I have a limited time I can get us in, so we gotta go, babe," she explained.

"That's fine. I'm ready," I said as my stomach did a flip.

I took the coffee from Ryder and our fingers brushed. I wanted to grab him and kiss him, but I knew I wouldn't be able to leave, and I was sure Scarlett would blow her cool. He didn't smile, but he didn't seem completely hostile either. I could feel his eyes on me as I followed Scarlett out of the apartment and down to her car.

## CHAPTER TWENTY

##

**_Kallie_**

The day was cool for the mid-summer. The sky was overcast and gray. The small town looked asleep, even for the late afternoon. I followed Scarlett to her car and we rode in silence out of the sleepy town.

"So," she finally started once we were on the highway.

"Yep."

"Interesting."

"Look, I'm sorry," I rushed out. "I know you told me to stay away yet I just slept with your brother. I'm a terrible friend."

"Darling," Scarlett said, reaching over to stop my frantic hands. "I'm not one to tell others how to live their lives. I won't let anyone tell me what to do, and you shouldn't either. I was just giving you advice. I didn't want to see either of you hurt."

I sighed. "I doubt he will be the one hurt in this," I mumbled.

Without the intoxicating smell and feel of Ryder keeping me in a cloud, I was starting to see the situation I might have gotten myself into. I threw away all my previous morals, my conscious, and ignored that nagging voice in my head. I jumped blindly into bed with him. Now, I really had no plan, which was not like me at all.

"You'd be surprised, babe," she said, looking over at me. "He's not as closed off as he thinks he is."

I nodded and stared out the windshield with wide eyes.

"Hey, don't worry," she laughed. "Everything is gonna be fine. Nobody has to get hurt. I just always assume the worse."

"You think?" I asked, knowing she didn't.

"Yes," she nodded as we reached the city and parked at the strip mall. "You sure you're ready for this?"

"Yep," I said truthfully. I had given this a lot of thought and made my mind up weeks ago.

A bell rang as we walked into the tattoo shop, announcing our presence. Rock music poured from the speakers and filled the small space. The walls were white and lined with framed posters and photos of tattoo designs. A glass counter lined one wall, filled with body jewelry. I deeply inhaled the sterile smell and tried to calm myself.

"Scarlett," a voice boomed from behind the counter.

"Hey, Brent. This is Kallie," she said, motioning to me.

"Well, nice to meet you," he said, sticking out his large hand to shake mine while smiling at me.

I nodded and placed my hands in his. Brent was tall and built like a tank. His arms and chest looked like they would burst from his polo at any second. His arms were completely covered with ink, with even more climbing up his neck from under his collar.

As I shook his hand, I tried to read the letters tattooed on his fingers. His eyes and smile were welcoming, despite the gauged ears, pierced eyebrow, and lip. I smiled back then followed him and Scarlett down a hallway and into a small room.

"This is my home away from home," Scarlett sang, spinning around with her arms wide open.

"It's great," I said as I looked at photos of her work and drawings on her wall.

"So, what are you doing here on your day off?" Brent asked.

"This," Scarlett said. I could see her excitement as she pulled out a folder and unfolded her masterpiece.

Brent stared down at the thin paper and scratched his beard. "Wow," he said quietly, nodding.

I came over to the bench that she had just laid out her drawing on. My eyes teared up as I looked down at what she had created for me. A single fallen feather, with such detail you could see the individual barbs. The feather curved slightly, the top breaking off into little tiny birds, breaking away and flying off.

Scarlett busied herself with gathering her tools and cleaning solution. She laid out a tray with about a dozen tiny cups of dye. There were multiple colors, from black and white to reds and blues. She put on a pair of latex gloves and motioned for me to lay back on the bench.

My hands shook as I pulled up my shirt to give her full access to my rib cage. I laid back on the bench and she helped me move to my side. She sprayed a strong-smelling solution on my skin and wiped it clean.

"You sure you're ready?" she asked me one last time.

I just nodded. Brent took a seat by the doorway and she laid the stencil out on my skin. After spraying the thin tissue paper, she lifted it off, leaving the outline, and I heard her getting her tattoo gun ready.

"This your first?" Brent asked, probably hearing my rapid breathing.

"Yes." I squeezed my eyes shut tightly in anticipation.

"Okay, babe. I'm gonna start. If you need me to stop, raise your hand," Scarlett told me from behind.

I nodded and I heard the buzzing the start. Pricking and burning touched my skin, and my breath caught. It felt like I was being sliced up with a hot blade. My body went stiff and I gripped the edge of the bench. Scarlett stopped and I let my body relax.

When she began again, I was ready for the pain. She had warned me numerous times that the rib cage was one of the most painful spots to get a tattoo. With little meat on my bones, there was little to cushion the needle. I still insisted.

I clenched my hands and kept my eyes shut as the needle buzzed around on my skin. I concentrated on taking deep breaths and trying to be still. The skin would eventually grow numb, and then she would move onto virgin skin. The pain intensified as she reached higher onto my side, and I raised my hand for a break. Brent handed me a bottle of water and I drank from it while laying on my side.

"You're doing great. Doing the birds now, then adding the color," Scarlett said, running her fingers through my hair. "The outlining is usually the worst of it."

"That's comforting," I mumbled, and she laughed while she swapped out heads on the tattoo gun.

"So, what does it mean?" Brent asked when the buzzing started again.

"What?" I bit out rudely as the pain hit again. Brent's huge hand covered my clenched one.

"Well, usually people get tattoos that mean something to them," he explained in a calming voice that didn't match his image.

"I don't know," I said through gritted teeth.

"Right," he laughed.

As the needles pierced through the sensitive skin right under my bra strap, I sucked in a deep breath and my eyes teared up. "Letting go," I blurted. I swear, Scarlett was over there with a blade, just ripping off my skin.

"Good," Scarlett said, pulling away quickly. "You did good. Just adding the color now."

I let out a deep breath and nodded. A bell rang and Brent went to the front to help the customer. I could hear the voices over the buzzing behind me. The pain was still present, but not nearly as bad. The worst was when she would touch a spot that was already raw.

She worked over my skin like she was painting in her room and not inking a permanent design on my body. She stopped to add and mix colors, working quickly and as gently as possible. Brent eventually came back and watched from the doorway, telling Scarlett he closed up the shop for the night.

"I'm done," she finally said in a whisper. She took a cloth and gently wiped the area clean. "Don't move."

She jumped up, grabbed a camera from a drawer, and took a photo before letting me up. I automatically smiled back at her, because her grin was contagious. She pulled me to sit up since my entire body felt like Jell-O. I turned so I could see myself in the full-length mirror on the wall.

The feather was just as detailed as it had been on paper. Tiny birds formed from the feather and flew up my side. I could almost feel the freedom and hope just watching them fly away. My jaw dropped looking at the ink embedded deep inside me.

The feather was made of pinks and blues mixed together. It looked like it could have just fallen off a beautiful and exotic bird. The colors swirled, mixed and faded, giving the effect of a watercolor painting. Some color smeared and dripped near the edges, looking like she had only painted on me.

Tears welled up in my eyes, and I looked at Scarlett in the mirror. She too had watery eyes, so I burst into a full-blown cry. She came up behind me and wrapped her arms around my neck, hugging me. I heard Brent mutter something and scurry from the room.

"Thank you," I sniffled. "I love it."

"I'm glad," she said, wiping her eyes. "I'm just so happy I could give you this."

After our girly moment, I pulled down my shirt and we came back out front. Brent stood at the front desk doing paperwork.

"How much?" I asked.

"Nope," Scarlett said. "It's on me. I did it on my own time, and I wanted to do this for you."

"No, I can't accept that," I insisted.

"You can buy me a drink then," she smiled at me.

"Deal."

"See ya tomorrow, boss," Scarlett yelled back to Brent as we left the shop.

We headed next door to a small bar. By then, my nerves and brain were in need of drink. We both ordered a beer and I sipped on it.

"Kallie," Scarlett said cautiously.

"Scarlett," I said back with suspicion.

"Look, I know you don't want to talk about it, but I just want you know that you can talk to me," she said, putting her hand on my arm. "I won't judge, and I won't tell my brother. I know your going through something, or running from something, and I want you to know that I'm here if you need me."

I stepped back at the shock of her words and her expression. I heard and saw nothing but genuine honesty and real acceptance. That was what I wanted all along back at home. I wanted someone to understand and care.

"Thank you," I choked and pulled her in for another hug.

She laughed as we pulled apart. "Who would have guessed this would have been such an emotional day," she sniffed, wiping her tears as I wiped mine.

"I know," I sighed. After several seconds of silence, I gave in. "I just lived my live so straight to the point, planned and thought out. I thought I knew my future and everything I wanted. And then, it all was taken, changed, and now I don't know who I am or what I want anymore."

"Well, we are young," she said, taking another sip of her beer. "We're in our twenties. We are supposed to make mistakes, fall in love, break hearts, and figure all that out as we go."

"I know, but my family isn't the biggest fan of mistakes," I grumbled.

"Well, it's your life. You have to live it, not them."

I nodded and peeled the sticker off my bottle.

"Did someone break your heart?" she asked.

"Yeah." You could say that.

"We all go through it, babe," she said, pushing her half full bottle away. "It's part of growing up. You live and learn." Then she turned and looked at me with a serious expression. "And you learn to let go."

We paid the bartender and made the long drive back to the apartment. Once we were on the dark country roads, I started to grow nervous. I didn't know if Ryder would be home and how he would act around me. I didn't know how I should be acting around him either. I dated Carter for over a year before I gave him my virginity. I wasn't sure how a casual relationship worked or if this was even in that category.

We parked behind the apartment after dark and his truck was still there. The apartment was dark and quiet when we walked in. The only light came from under Ryder's closed doors.

"Drink?" Scarlett asked, holding up a beer from the fridge. I nodded and she passed me a can. "You should wash the area tonight," she said, pointing to my sore rib cage. "Let it air out and try to wear some loose shirts until it feels better."

"It's sore," I admitted, pulling up my shirt to look at it. "But it was worth it. I love it."

"Good," she glowed.

We drank a few more beers and watched some old episodes of Friends. I forgot how good it felt to laugh this hard. I tried not to keep looking at the light filtering from under the doors to his room. I saw Scarlett looking a few times, too, probably waiting for him to come out and see what had us giggling like teenagers.

"He waiting for you?" she whispered to me after she saw my hundredth glance at the door.

"I have no clue," I admitted.

"You guys didn't do much talking?" she asked with a smirk, much like her twin's.

"Not much. I'm kinda new at this," I confessed quietly.

"Figured as much," she said. "Let him come you."

"Really?"

"Yeah," she said, shaking her head. "And he will."

"Is this weird?" I asked, feeling guilty for talking about her brother.

"A little. But you're my friend, and like I said, I'm here for you," she said before she pulled me into an awkward side-hug.

She gave me a kiss on the top of my head and skipped off to her bedroom. I decided to get up and take a shower to clean up my tattoo. The water stung the sensitive skin as the pressure hit it. I winced and eased myself under the spray. I washed my hair, careful not to get any of the shampoo over my raw skin.

The sound of the door closing made me freeze my movements. I heard shuffling around and was about to scream when the shower curtain slid open. Ryder stood in only his boxers, looking me up and down. Without speaking, he slid down his shorts and stepped in with me. His fingers grazed my skin from my shoulders and then down my chest to my hips.

"What's this?" he asked, touching the swollen outline of the tattoo.

"Scarlett did it for me today," I answered.

"Amazing," he said, lightly touching the raised skin. "Does it hurt?"

"A bit," I said.

He put some body wash on a loofa and ran it over my skin lightly. His hands moved softly over my body as I stood still, unsure how to move next. He lathered up my shoulders and worked the soap over my stomach and back, keeping my tattoo out of the suds. He knelt down and washed my legs, leaving my skin warm and tingling after his touch.

After he cleaned me, he leaned over me to turn off the water. When he pulled back, his eyes connected with mine. My breath caught in my throat and my head went fuzzy. I briefly wondered if I would always have such a reaction to him. His lips brushed mine and every nerve in my body sparked back to life. I forgot the stinging skin, the confusion, and the sleepiness I felt. I just felt him.

He stepped out and wrapped me in a towel, then himself. He nodded at me before turning and slipping out of the bathroom. I blinked a few times to clear my head before I put on the clothes I laid out for myself. I dressed and came back out to the dark living room. His doors were closed again.

I sighed and laid down on the couch. My head was swimming with want and confusion. I wasn't good at games. I was good at planning, solving, and logic. I would feel better if he left me a schedule of when he wanted me.

I was never cut out for the game of romance and flirting. I never learned enough at the age I was supposed to be learning it. I was never chased and never longed for someone else. After I was settled and tucked in under the blanket, his doors slid open. I heard his heavy footsteps on the floor coming toward me.

"You're not sleeping out here," he whispered, leaning close to my ear. When I just stared back at him, he added, "Unless you want to."

"No," I quickly added. I had no idea what it was that he wanted.

"Stay with me tonight," he said as he smiled and held his hand out for me. I put mine in his and let him pull me up and lead me to his bedroom.

## CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE

##

**_Ryder_**

The annoying beeping of my cell phone woke me up from one of the best sleeps I have had in a while. I smacked the screen a few times until it went silent. I turned and looked over to the shuffling beside me. I grabbed Kallie's hand just as she tried to slip out of bed. She held the sheet tightly to her body and turned back to look at me.

"Where you going?" I asked her.

"Work," she whispered, covering herself more.

As quickly as I could early in the morning, I grabbed her arm and pulled it out from under her. She yelped as she fell back to the bed and I scooted closer to her. I wrapped my arms around her and pulled her into my chest.

She rested her hands on my bare chest and I inhaled her smell. My entire room smelled like her all day yesterday. I drove myself crazy the whole day waiting for her to come home. It took every bit of my patience to wait for my sister to go to her room. The moment she did, I wasted no time taking Kallie back for myself.

"Ryder, I can't be late," she sighed into my chest.

"Fine," I whined. Her eyes studied my face as she slowly pulled away from me. I could see her trying to read me. Her mind was always working, always worrying. "I'll make coffee."

I left the room to make the coffee while she showered and got into her work uniform. She came out of the bathroom with the pink dress, straight out of the fifties, and her blonde hair pulled up into a tight bun. She gave me a nervous smile as she took the coffee from my hands.

Looking down at her, I could only see what was under the dress. With every word she spoke, I only heard her moans and my name coming from her lips. I felt hyperaware of her every movement and even the slightest breath. My hands and body automatically gravitated to her and I itched to get her back into my bed.

I drove her into work, not wanting her to walk when I was driving into work at the same time. She waved as she skipped into the diner. Once she was inside, I pulled out and made the short drive to the garage. I shook my head at myself as I walked in and clocked in. I knew I was playing with fire, but most of me didn't care.

Everything in me wanted to be with her and to have her. I have dreamed and thought about her since the moment I set my eyes on her, but now that I knew what it was like to act on my desires, I could never seem to have enough. Scarlett had warned me over and over to stay away from her, but her warnings were falling on deaf ears now.

I shook off the feeling of the imminent disaster and went to check on Kallie's car. I managed to get her blown motor out and the replacement was waiting on the engine hoist. Wanting to procrastinate, I helped finish a tune up on a truck and oil change on a tractor before lunch time rolled around.

"Hey, lets get this motor dropped," Travis called over to me.

"Sure," I said, coming over to the Mercedes.

"I just want to this damn thing over with," he muttered as he wheeled over the motor and positioned it over the open hood. I bit my tongue to keep from disagreeing.

We made a quick process of lowering the motor into place. The rest of the afternoon was spent hooking up the hoses and wires. With any other vehicle, Travis and I could have finished within hours. The foreign car was different from what we were used to, and we had to use a manual to know what the hell we were doing.

By the end of the day, my back was sore from bending over the car all day. I cleaned up as much of the grease as I could and hopped in my truck. Checking the clock, I knew she wouldn't be off work yet. I hated thinking she would be walking home in this heat after working her ass off all day.

When I walked into the diner, I saw her blonde hair zoom out from the kitchen with someone's meal. She floated across the room, giving customers smiles and making them laugh. I leaned against the wall and watched her work.

She was so graceful and gentle as she approached people, never letting her smile fade. I saw their faces light up and their eyes lock to her the moment she asked if there was anything she could get them. Watching her work and interact, I saw the full scope of her class and warmth. I hated the contrast I could see between us.

I was darkness, whereas she was light. She was love and joy, while I was hate and anger. She was brilliant, smart, and had everything to offer the world. I was bitter, with no college education, and could manage nothing more than screwing things up. I watched as she laughed and poured more water for a familiar face.

My blood boiled as I watched Caleb's eyes wandering down her tight form. I clenched my fists and stiffly walked over to his booth, taking a seat. I couldn't help but smirk at both of their surprised expressions.

"Hey, buddy," Caleb said with a face of arrogance.

"Hey," I snipped. "Will you be ready soon, Kallie? I came to give you a ride. It's hot out."

She blinked at me before nodding and heading back to the kitchen.

"Finally," Caleb said, throwing a sugar packet at me.

"What?" I asked as I tossed it back at him. Much harder.

"You finally admitted it," he said simply. When I stared back at him in confusion, he sighed. "Kallie. You like her."

"Fuck off," I said looking away. "What are we, in third grade?"

"Good for you," he said while he left some cash on the table and slid out of the booth.

Seconds later, Kallie came out from the back with her purse and a milk shake. "Can I drink this before we go?" she asked.

"Of course. Sit," I told her, and she took the spot Caleb had just been occupying. "Long day?"

"Yes," she sighed and took a sip of the shake. "And hot. How was your day?"

"It was okay. Your car should be ready soon."

"Oh."

Aside from Scarlett, I was never good at reading people and what they were thinking. I could read Scarlett from just a glance, and she could do the same with me. We were twins after all and had spent our entire lives together. But, Kallie had the most expressive face I had ever seen. I watched a wave of thoughts and feelings flicker across her features. Surprise, disappointment, wonder, confusion, excitement, and then finally settling on something I could only label as empty.

"Great," she said in a level tone.

I struggled to find words. I didn't know what she would do when I traded her keys for the check in a day or so. Would she get in and drive back home? Would we ever speak again? Would she want to stay? What did I want her to do? Watching her lips wrap around the straw distracted me from all the questions I had on my mind.

"Wanna go for a drive?" I asked her as she finished the shake and handed it off to the bus boy.

"Sure," she replied without hesitation.

I wasn't ready to be in the apartment with her where the questions would come. Where we would have to decide where she would sleep and how we would act around each other. If Scarlett was there, that would force us to behave like nothing happened until she went to sleep. If she wasn't there, then I would just worry where she was and who she was with. I didn't want to think anymore.

We drove along the country roads. There wasn't much to look at besides empty fields and some wooded lots. Her hair blew around in the wind and the music from my radio left conversation impossible. I calmed down as I watched barns and scenes of the simple life rush past my windshield.

This was the world I was used to. Nothing to do. No one better to be. I could forget that the girl in the passenger seat had ambitions and a future ahead of her. I could forget that she was a better person than I could ever be and I would only bring her down. The sounds of her charms clinking together made me force her hands still.

"What are you so nervous about?" I asked her, turning down the radio.

"Nothing," she answered quickly.

"Bull shit," I laughed at her.

"When do I pick up my car?" she asked, finally bringing up the awkward topic.

"Tomorrow or the day after."

She sighed. "I just didn't prepare myself for going home yet."

I looked over at her and she was staring out the side window. I could see the worry and distress written all over her face, and my insides clenched. I pulled the truck over into a service path under some power lines. She looked around frantically at our sudden stop.

"Why don't you want to go home?" I asked her.

"Because I'm someone different here."

"You can't be that person there?"

"No. I can't, Ryder," she huffed, and then crossed her arms.

"Why?"

"Because no one would understand me," she snapped with frustration. I watched as her body started to shake and her face grew red with anger. "Here, I'm alive. I can feel. I can live and learn. I don't hurt as much and I forget. When I go home, I need to suck it up, smile, and be the girl I was raised to be. But how the fuck do I do that now? I'm not going to be a politician's wife anymore. I have no idea if I still want to go to school for business, and I'm expected to start classes in the fall. I don't want to spend another day at our family store and that's the life plan!"

I flinched at her outburst and her cuss word. She rarely swore and I only ever saw her angry with me, never anyone else. She was always calm and composed.

"Then don't," I said, grabbing her chin to make her look at me. Her clear blue eyes were watering over. I let the words replaying in my mind come out of my mouth without thought. "You can stay."

Regardless of if I wanted her to stay or not, I knew I couldn't make her leave if it would make her this unhappy. She could stay for herself, not for me.

"I can't."

"Your choice."

Her eyes got wide and she stared back at me. Her lips crashed to mine and her hands clenched in my hair. I groaned and pulled her body into me. I leaned into her and pushed her against the door, pulling a whimper from her. Our tongues clashed together, fighting for control.

My hands moved over any part of her I could touch. After hours of exploring her body in bed, every touch still felt like the first time. Every inch felt like new territory for me. I could honestly kiss this mouth and touch this body every night and never get bored. That thought alone caused me to freeze and pull back abruptly.

Kallie looked up at me, startled and short of breath. Her chest heaved under me as she searched my face, trying to figure out why I stopped. I sensed it when she finally realized what I was thinking. The look of defeat and resolve broke me in two. When she made a move to push me off, I resisted. I couldn't let her push me away, even though I should.

I slowly came back down to her, stopping just before our lips touched. I could feel her breath rolling over my mouth. I brushed her lips lightly with mine and heard her sharp intake.

"I'm no good for you," I rasped.

"You don't get to decide what's good for me," she whispered back.

"I'll break you," I warned, squeezing my eyes closed.

"I'm already broken, Ryder."

"You can do better."

"My choice," she said before she closed the space between us.

We kissed until my lips were numb. The cab of my truck was reaching temperatures that would soon cause heat stroke. The sound of our panting and moans drowned out the music softly playing in the background. Her nails clawed at my back and my chest as our hands started to grow frantic.

I froze when I heard the hiss of pain from her lips. My hands were gripped on her sides. I completely forgot her sore skin from the tattoo. I jumped off her like I had been shocked.

"Sorry," I told her.

"No," she said as she pulled herself up and mounted herself on top of me.

We started back right where we left off. I kept my hands away from her tattoo and paid no attention to our surroundings. The pink tint of the sun setting lit up the cab while we groped and grabbed at each other. Her hips moved against mine and her small hands pulled at my hair.

I slid one hand up under the skirt of her dress and put the other on her chest to push her back against the steering wheel. I wanted to watch her face as I slide my fingers inside her. Her head rolled back and her eyes closed. Her breathing quickened and her face grew redder with the speed of my fingers in her. Without blinking, I watched her face and the pleasure I was giving her.

As her body trembled and clenched on top of me, I felt a sense of accomplishment I'd never felt before. I gave her this. She cried out my name and my ears were the only ones that could hear it. I realized that was I scene I would never be able to erase from my memory. And I didn't want to, either.

"How was that for feeling? For living and learning?" I asked in a tight voice close to her ear as she gasped for air.

"Exactly how it should be."

I looked over at her sleeping form on the drive home. Her head was resting on the window and her face looked quiet and calm. Her face was always showing dozens of thoughts and feelings. Now, it was relaxed, and I couldn't help but feel that I made that happen for this small moment in time.

I had no idea what she had gone through or what had made a girl that had a plan, had dreams and knew what she was doing, decided to throw it all out the window. But looking at her, I knew I couldn't force her to go home and be somewhere she didn't want to be. I wasn't sure that staying was the best idea, but I couldn't bring myself to watch her leave.

I parked at the apartment and was relieved, and disappointed at the same time, to see Scarlett's car. I quietly and gently lifted Kallie out the truck and carried her up the stairs. I walked past Scarlett on the couch and placed Kallie in my bed. Not wanting to wake her, I tip toed back out to the living room.

"Hey." I took a seat next to my sister.

"Hey back," she said. "Where were you guys?"

"Went for a drive," I told her. "Her car should be ready in a day or so." I knew I didn't need to explain to her what that meant.

"What happens then?" she asked.

"Up to her. I told her she didn't need to go home," I admitted as I put my face in my hands.

"What do you want?" she asked, turning toward me.

"I want her to do what she wants to do," I said, trying to avoid eye contact with the mind reader. She has always been able to see right through me.

"Which means," she said, pausing to think, "that you want her to want to stay, or you feel bad asking her to leave." I just nodded.

"I'm going with the first guess."

"I don't need your lecture, Scar," I mumbled.

"I don't have one, bro," she said, sitting back. "I love you both. I want you both happy. I obviously don't want to see either of you hurt, but it doesn't necessarily need to end up that way."

"Experience says it will."

"Bull shit," she huffed. "You blame yourself for everything, Ryder. You aren't as poisonous as you think you are. Get over yourself. You don't have the power to fuck every single thing up," she said before she got up and stomped off to her room.

I crawled into bed and slid the work uniform off Kallie. She woke briefly to help me get it off and curled up next me. I pulled her into me and placed a soft kiss to the top of her head. She nuzzled herself closer and sighed. I fell asleep with my body wrapped up in hers.

## CHAPTER TWENTY-TWO

##

**_Kallie_**

"How much do I owe you?" I asked, leaning across the counter in the back office of the garage. My voice sounded cheery, hiding what I really felt.

"Here," Ryder said, sliding the yellow receipt to me. I glanced at the number and handed him my bank card. At the last second, I pulled it out of his reach. "What?" he asked.

"Maybe I should use cash," I wondered out loud. "So it doesn't show up on my statements and they see it."

"Who? Your parents?" he asked, staring at me like I was crazy.

"Yeah," I admitted. "Oh, forget it. They won't look once I'm home."

Ryder looked away quickly and took the card to swipe it. "You've been running all over town using this. They would know by now."

"That's true," I realized, a little offended. My family could have easily found me. So, they either didn't care to look, or did look and didn't care to do anything about it. "What's this?" I asked suddenly to sidetrack myself.

Ryder looked up at the metal ring I was holding. "It's a hose clamp."

"Can I have it?"

His eyes softened when he looked at me. "If you want it. It's dirty. It's just garbage."

"It's a bracelet now," I announced, slipping it over my wrist. The dirty and oiled metal contrasted with the shiny white gold of my charm bracelet. "I always wanted to design jewelry. Instead, we just order the biggest designers and sell what everyone else is selling."

"Why don't you just design jewelry then?" he asked me, leaning forward with interest.

He spun the piece of trashed metal around my wrist, his fingers gently grazing the skin. His dark hair fell into his eyes and I brushed it away before I could stop myself. He looked shocked by my gesture, but didn't pull away.

Our relationship for the past few days could be described as nothing short of a confusing tango. It was hot and then cold, this way and then that way. Neither of us spoke of what we were doing or what was going on. I was going to have my car back in the morning and I didn't even have his phone number. I didn't even know what I would do if I did have his number.

He told me I could stay. It was a choice I had to make.

I looked back up at him and remembered he asked me a question. "I don't know. I just always planned to run the company, nothing more."

"What? You can't change your mind?" he asked, amused. It was obvious that Ryder thought it was absurd I made my plans and would stick to them, even if I didn't want to. The more I thought of it that way, the more I agreed.

"I can try," I said to myself. "Never tried it before."

"You are absolutely ridiculous, you know that?" Ryder said, looking at me with a soft expression.

"How so?"

"I just never met anyone like you before." He leaned over the counter and kissed my lips gently. I stared back at him wide-eyed. I didn't expect the public display of affection. He looked around, seemed to notice where we were, and straightened up.

"Well, I should get going," I said awkwardly.

"Let me take you," he insisted.

He hit a few buttons on the computer and yelled his goodbye to the rest of the guys in the shop. He helped me up into his truck and we were back at the apartment minutes later. I took two steps in the door before Ryder grabbed my hand and spun me around to face him.

His mouth was on mine and my legs almost gave out from the surprise and the sudden rush of feelings he always caused in me. His hand gripped the back of my neck as he walked us backwards into the living room. His tongue caressed mine and I felt the rumble deep in his chest. When the back of my knees hit the couch, he leaned me back over the arm.

"I've been waiting for this all fucking day," he moaned.

I was too tense to speak or respond. We moved frantically with impatience and need. I pulled him closer to me and we sank deeper onto the couch. He slipped my flats off and tickled the bottoms of my feet before trailing up my legs. When his fingers touched between my legs, I whined, begging him to give me what I needed.

He grabbed my thighs and lifted me up, carrying me to his bedroom. I bounced on the bed when he tossed me on the mattress. He tore off his shirt and pants in one swift movement before he crawled over me, glaring at me from above. I watched with a hungry gaze while he slid a condom on, wasting no time. He lifted my skirt up and wedged himself between my knees. I pushed my hips up to meet his and he bit down on his lip.

"What will you do when I give you your keys tomorrow?"

"What?" I panted. How could he ask a question like that right now?

"What will you do?"

"I don't know," I admitted, impatiently and pushing harder into him.

He grabbed my wrists, put them over my head, and held them down with one hand. I squirmed to break free and he pushed himself down on me to keep me still. He was so close to entering me that I froze and prayed he would. I needed him. I needed the connection and the release. I desperately wanted the feelings only Ryder could give.

"You know what you want, Kallie," he said in a low and harsh voice.

I stared up into his dark eyes. "No, I don't." Yes, I did.

"No?" he teased, pushing into me the slightest bit. "You sure about that? I think you're scared."

"You," I gasped. "I want you."

He pushed into me hard, and I cried out with the intensity and force as he filled me. He licked and bit at my neck then up to my earlobe. "Just right now?"

"I want more," I moaned as the sensations built up deep inside me. I did know what I wanted, I just didn't know if it was right or why I wanted it as bad as I did.

Ryder looked down and into my eyes, unmoving. Our chests heaved and a thin layer of sweat already coated our skin. "Please, tell me what you want."

I nodded and hoped he could see how I meant it. "I don't want to go home. I don't want to leave you," I whispered.

His lips covered mine in a long kiss. I felt like he would suck all the pain and hurt out of my heart if he could. His moves turned slow and deliberate. He wasn't rushing anymore and took his time teasing me and bringing me to the edge, only to pull back and make me wait. When I thought my body and heart would give out, he stopped moving.

He ran his hand through my tangled hair and held the back of my head. He moved his other hand to cover the tattoo gently. He stared into my eyes as he slowly started moving again. His eyes never left mine, and I never looked away. I saw nothing but him until my head fell back and I cried out his name.

"You look like you're in good mood," Tiffany teased as I walked into the diner in the morning.

"Well, I am. Is that a crime?" I asked as I put my stuff in the back room and clocked in for my shift.

"Not at all, baby girl," she said, leaning up against the doorway. "You just always look so locked away in your little head."

"Because I usually I am," I joked as I strolled out to the dinning room full of customers, who I now recognized as the regulars.

The early morning went by as expected. My usual costumers came and went. I served breakfast and coffee, and made small talk with the locals. Now, I could easily balance a tray with four to five loaded plates to the tables without wobbling. I was easily falling into place at this small town diner.

The crew accepted me as part of their small, mismatched family. I smiled as Tiffany complained about her teens at home. I laughed at George and his cheesy jokes. I stood out back with Cindy on her breaks while she smoked. I realized now, at what could be the end of my waitressing career, that I had finally been accepted somewhere. Not as the Kallie I projected to those around me, but as the Kallie that was sick of pretending and hiding. The Kallie that just realized she let her guard down, and yet these people still accepted and loved her for who she was. As broken and confused as she was.

I cleaned up after the breakfast rush and filled ketchup bottles while I debated what the next few days would hold. I wanted to stay. A huge part of me felt anchored here. My chest didn't feel as crushed, my head not so foggy, and my heart a little lighter. The only thing that kept me from hiding away here forever was my guilt and fear.

Every time I realize that Ryder made me feel a way I never felt before, I felt like I'm cheating. I felt like I was disgracing the memory of Carter and what we had together. I wanted to be true to him. I wanted to think I was someone that was worthy of the love he gave me. I couldn't deny that what I was feeling now was special and something new.

I often laid awake at nights, next to Ryder while he slept, and wondered when was it okay to let go. When was it acceptable to move on and find something new to fill the hole in my heart I had? What would people think, and did I even care about other's opinion anymore?

As much as I wanted to, I couldn't avoid my parents forever. They were my parents and gave me everything I ever wanted and needed out of life. It was my own fault for being so pliable that I let them mold me and govern me. And as inexperienced and naive as I was, I wasn't completely stupid either.

The words and actions from Ryder did little to keep the fear and guilt away. His words came in moments of passion and lust, when our brains were the least functioning parts of our bodies. Even though he said I could stay, I couldn't see myself moving into their apartment and entering a life of domestic bliss with someone I barely knew. Especially someone that was known for his allergy to commitment and attachment.

The bustle of the lunch rush pulled me out of my thoughts and I shook my head to clear my mind. I headed back to the tables and waited on the customers. The summer was at it's height and I struggled to keep the glasses full of ice and lemonade. My feet started to ache, but I knew it was nearing the end of my shift.

I approached my last table of one. I sighed and knew once I got this customer out of here, I could clock out and get out of this hideous polyester uniform.

"What can I get you this afternoon, sir?" I asked as I placed a tall glass of water on the table and wiped the condensation off of my hands on my skirt.

"The BLT good?" he asked me.

He looked up from his menu and my heart jumped and lodged in my throat. Crystal blue eyes stared up into mine, widening with recognition. His blonde hair was longer than the last time I had seen him and he looked like he'd skipped a few days of shaving. My heart ached with the familiarity and resemblance in his face.

He had the same dimples and freckles as his little brother had, although his smile was gone, along with the dimples. His face wasn't as innocent and young as Carter's, but just as inviting and trusting. With him sitting in front of me, Carter's face appeared and burned into my vision. His image so clear in my memory.

"Josh," I said in barely a whisper. My knees grew weak and I faltered slightly. Josh jumped from his seat and guided me by the elbow to the seat in front of him.

"Kallie, what are you doing here? Everyone has been worried sick about you," he said as he slid his glass of water over to me.

I took it with shaking hands. Carter's brother was here, in my own little world, and brought with him the baggage of home and everything that came with it. Feelings, thoughts, and fears that I spent all summer avoiding and running from.

"I work here," I said lamely, knowing this answered nothing.

"I see that," he countered. "But why here? Your mother said she didn't know where you were and hasn't been able to get ahold of you."

"I told them I was at Georgetown," I admitted. "What are you doing here?"

"I needed closure," he said, giving me a burning look, as if he knew he wasn't the only one. I just nodded in agreement. "You didn't need to disappear for that," he said, anger clearly laced in his voice.

"I know. My car broke down, and then," I paused, unsure how to explain why I was still here, car problems or not. "I just couldn't go back."

Josh reached across the table and held my hand that was still wrapped around the glass.

"Everything okay?" I looked up to see Cindy with her hands on her hips, glaring down at Josh.

"Yes," I assured her. "An old friend."

"Did you want to order?" she snipped at him. I was shocked to see her hostility towards him and concern for me. Cindy gave the impression she didn't care about anybody or what they thought.

"Just another water, please," he said politely.

Cindy stormed off, looking back at me for reassurance. I nodded so she reluctantly went to retrieve the water and returned to place it in front of Josh.

"Did you see it?" he finally asked me when she sulked away. The pain and pity in his eyes made me feel right at home, and not in the good way.

"Yes," I nodded.

"Kallie, you missed a lot back home," he started. "There was a lot of information pouring in about the accident, and you were just gone."

"I know. I just couldn't handle it anymore. I had to get away."

"I get that. I really do, believe me. You could have checked in from time to time, though," he said giving me a smile that was so familiar it ripped at my insides. I could only nod while I choked down the tears threatening to make their way out. "Where have you been staying?"

"I met some really nice people that took me in while I waited for my car," I half lied. Scarlett really took me in. Ryder dealt with me because he had to.

"Are you okay?" he asked, looking at me with worry and concern.

"I'm fine." At least that was true.

"Look, Kallie, I should fill you in. The police report came back from the accident. The roads were wet and apparently another car swerved, causing Carter to drive off the road," he explained, tilting his head to read my face.

"And into the tree," I finished for him.

"Yes," he said quietly. "There were no charges. The driver was drinking, but just under the limit. Apparently, there is such a thing as not drunk enough. The driver and passenger stopped to try to help him." He stopped, his voice thick with emotion. "I came here to meet him. To face who I feel is at fault for his death."

My head swam and my body tingled from the blood leaving my extremities. I clenched the end of the table to stable myself. I swallowed repeatedly to keep the cries down inside, where they belonged. I hadn't thought to place blame, to seek closure. I just knew he was gone and left a gaping, bleeding hole in me. I stood on weak legs and strode out of the diner and into the hot air.

I gasped with the thickness and humidity in the air. The sun scorched my skin and my sore feet continued to carry me away from Josh's calling voice. When his hands finally grabbed my hand and spun me around to face him, I let the tears fall. He pulled me into his arms and stayed silent while I soaked his shirt with my tears.

When I felt empty again and the tears dried up, he pushed away to look down at my face. His blue eyes reminded me of Carter's. I had to look away.

"You should come with me, Kallie," he suggested.

"I don't think I can," I said, shaking my head and backing away from him.

"I think you need to," he urged, holding me still by my shoulders. "You need closure and you need to move on."

I looked up at him in shock and confusion. "Move on?"

"Yes," he said in a gentle voice. "We all miss him, and loved him, but you don't deserve to be hurting like this."

"I'm not," I lied.

"You are. I can see it in your eyes. In your face."

I backed away. "No."

"Yes, Kallie. We need to do this. This wasn't his fault. Someone screwed up and caused him to lose control, ending his life. I need this. You need this."

Josh didn't wait for me to agree. He took my elbow and slowly led me over to his jeep that sat parked in the lot next to the diner. He opened the door for me and I climbed in. He got in the driver's seat and started it up. He looked over at me and waited. I didn't know if he was waiting for agreement or for refusal. He wasn't going to get either one from me.

As he pulled out onto the road, I felt the numbness blanket over me again. A cover of indifference and unfeeling washed over. I didn't realize that the cover had lifted until it snapped back in place. We drove past the garage and the apartment, and I felt more immobilized the further we became from the places I once felt something.

## CHAPTER TWENTY-THREE

##

**_Kallie_**

It didn't take long for us to reach the tree. I stared out the open car window at the large maple. I remembered our previous scuffle months before. I could feel the bark under my balled fists again. I could smell the damp grass and dirt. I felt the loneliness and despair that I harbored the last time I collapsed at the base of this tree.

I could feel Josh's eyes on me as he slowly opened his door, waiting for me to do the same. The old Kallie in me complied and obediently opened her door. I slowly approached the spot that brought me here in the first place. I didn't think about the times and experiences between then and now. I just thought about everything leading up to the day I fled my house and landed on the ground here.

Some photos were still nailed to the trunk. Moss grew up the side of the tree and the grass was thicker, growing over the tire tracks that were once there. The weather, or people, had removed some of the notes of memories and condolences.

I picked up a note from a name I didn't recognize about how much they missed him. I briefly thought of how pointless the gesture was. Carter wasn't going to stop by the tree to read the notes. This wasn't a mailbox that we could send messages to our lost ones. It was just a tree. Deep in my bitter thoughts, I barely registered the sound of the approaching vehicle.

I bowed my head down as I ran my open palm down the rough bark. Josh's footsteps sounded behind me as he came up and placed a hand on my shoulder. The gesture meant to be comforting only set every nerve and cell on high alert. My body tensed like I was ready for flight or fight. My blood rushed in my ears and I braced myself to be jolted out of the world I knew.

The sound of gravel crunching told me someone was walking up to us. I glared down at the photo of Carter and his soccer team. I burned the image of his smiling face into my memory. I placed my hands on the soft ground and pushed myself up to stand. When I came around the tree, I had a clear view of who Josh wanted to place his blame on.

Logan stood just a few feet away, looking down and pushing a loose rock with his shoe. Ryder stood next to him, his eyes wide and locked onto mine. All the air left my lungs. I heard my heartbeat slam to a screeching halt and the slight breeze around me froze. Logan, sensing the tension in the air, finally looked up and his eyes landed on mine.

"Thank you for meeting me," Josh said in a tight voice, unaware of the world crumbling around him.

Logan nodded and walked slowly to meet Josh's extended hand. Both men's eyes never left me. I blinked rapidly, trying to will myself to wake up from this dream. I internally begged that understanding would soon take over and I would see clearly what was happening in front of me. I felt underwater as my head swam.

My hand shook as it lifted to cover my mouth. I heard screams in the distance as my knees suddenly connected with the hard road. Arms wrapped around me and the screams got louder. The sunlight vanished and blackness took over. I saw nothing. I could only hear the screams and the cries mixed with the sounds of tires screeching and glass breaking.

Sunlight filtered in under my lashes. My hand felt warm, encased in something soft. I blinked, trying to adjust to the light burning my eyes. I squeezed my hand and the hand in mine squeezed back. Soft murmuring and voices filled my ears as I tried to make out the words. When my eyelids finally opened, deep brown eyes stared down at me.

Scarlett's eyes watered over me and she brushed some hair off my forehead. My skin felt clammy and damp. I slowly turned my head to take in the unfamiliar surroundings. Scarlett continued to run her fingers through my hair soothingly.

"Shh. I'm right here, Kallie," she whispered to me as she clenched my hand.

"Where am I?" I asked in a thick voice.

"Caleb's," she answered. I looked behind her and saw Caleb leaning against the wall. He watched us with apprehension.

"Are you okay?" he asked.

"How did I get here?" I asked while I sat up and frantically looked around me. "I was with Josh. I was... " I cut off. Memories filled in the blanks.

Tears leaked out and dripped over my cheeks when I remembered standing at the tree with Josh. I was waiting for the driver of the vehicle that ran the love of my life off the road, killing him. I was supposed to be facing the one that wrecked my life, throwing me into a tornado of hurt, confusion, and emptiness.

I saw Logan and Ryder standing in the road, reaching to shake Josh's hand. Both men looked at me in confusion and guilt. The two halves of my severed life collided, crashed, and wrapped around each other, leaving a mangled mess behind.

"No," I gasped.

"Kallie, please listen to me," Scarlett pleaded desperately. "You need to stay with me, okay? Don't zone out. Stay with me."

I focused on her desperate eyes and tried to center myself again. Darkness swam at the edges of my vision as I could feel all the blood draining from me. My body trembled and Caleb came to flank my other side on the bed. His warm touch on my shoulder helped me stay grounded. I panted and closed my eyes tightly, battling the pain and hurt threatening to take me over.

"What happened?" I asked in a chocked voice.

Caleb handed me a bottled water and I took it without thanks. I chugged the water and sighed at the relief the cool water gave my throat. My entire body felt dried up and withered. I greedily drank the water, imagining a dried up raisin hydrating and plumping up.

"What do you remember?" Scarlett asked cautiously.

"Logan and Ryder. Then nothing."

"You passed out. Panic attack or something," she said, rubbing my arms to calm me.

"They killed him?" I asked, my voice cracking.

"It's not that simple," Caleb finally spoke up. I didn't miss the defensiveness in his tone.

I sighed and laid back against the pillows. I concentrated on the warmth I felt from the two bodies next to me. I focused on the hand holding mine tightly. I fought away the darkness hovering at the edges, waiting to consume me and take me under with the current. I was fighting for my own sanity.

"Where are they?" I asked.

"Josh headed back home, as gently and graciously suggested by me," Scarlett answered, followed immediately by a loud scoff from Caleb.

"Ryder? Logan?"

"Logan's." Scarlett didn't add any more information. She didn't answer all the questions swirling around in my rattled brain. She didn't tell me how they were feeling, why they were not here with me now, and why they were at that roadside spot to begin with.

"They were in the car," was all I could say.

It wasn't a question, but she nodded at me anyway. "You should eat."

Caleb brought me up some chicken noodle soup, claiming it could heal all ailments. After they were satisfied that I choked down enough substance, they both crawled under the covers with me. None of them spoke for the longest time, letting me sort out my thoughts in a cocoon. Being sandwiched between Scarlett's big heart and Caleb's strength gave me a sense of protection.

"You warned me," I said into the room that had finally grown dark.

"What?" Scarlett asked, snuggling closer to me in the bed.

"You said I would get hurt and to stay away from him. I should have listened."

"Oh, Kallie, I only told you that because I thought you would do the opposite," she confessed while she turned to look at my face.

"That makes no sense," I mumbled.

"Well, it does, really. You were in a rebellious phase. I figured if I said stay away from him, you would disobey and go after him."

"Why?"

"Because you two need each other more than either of you know. You two are good for each other, but can't see it."

"You're wrong."

"I'm not," she said with confidence. "You think I'm stupid? That I didn't see what you were going through? Granted, I didn't know details, but I knew you were hurting. And I knew something was eating him up alive. But when you two were together, I couldn't see the pain and hurt that you both carried around on your sleeves."

The room was silent with her confession. The three of us breathing in unison was the only sound I could hear. Both of my hands were held in one of theirs and I felt safe, calmer. I felt wrapped up in warm armor and nothing could touch me. I looked over to Caleb, questions in my eyes. He shrugged.

"It's true," was all he said.

"I don't know if I'll come back from this," I admitted.

"You will," Scarlett countered.

Sleep took me over eventually, but couldn't seem to hold on. I woke up over and over again, covered in sweat and trembling. Each time, someone was there to catch and ground me again. Different scenarios flashed before my eyes, trying to piece together what I couldn't understand. I finally gave up on getting rest and stared at the ceiling, waiting for the sun to come up.

The sunrise casted colors of pink and orange across the bed when Caleb stirred beside me. I stayed motionless while he sat up and stretched. His sleepy eyes found me awake and waiting. What I was waiting for, I wasn't sure yet.

"You okay?"

"Sure," I answered quietly to avoid waking Scarlett. He looked over at her sleeping form and frowned.

"You can stay here as long as you need. My parents know you're here and they won't bother you," he said.

"You don't have to do this."

"I know, but you guys are my family. Scarlett, Ryder, Logan, and now you. I can't stand to see every single one of you hurting like this. I care about you," he said gently, placing his hand on my stomach. I nodded at him. "I got to get to work. You go back to sleep."

Caleb grabbed some clothes from his dresser and quietly slipped out of the room. When the house went quiet again, my mind ran at a full sprint. I watched Scarlett sleep next to me and realized she was going through this with me. This was her brother and best friend tangled in this tragedy with me. I dragged her down with me, along with Caleb. I was in a head-first spiraling decent.

"Why didn't you tell me?" she asked me. I jolted, unaware she was awake.

"I didn't want to talk about it," I answered.

"I know, but I could have been there for you."

Days went by the same way. Scarlett barely leaving my side except for a couple trips to the apartment to get clothes and other necessities. I didn't need anything since I never left the bed. I laid limp or tossing and turning, battling the wars in my head and heart. Questions bombarded me at any given second, and I felt the sanity slowly slipping away from me. I missed Ryder. Deeply. I mourned the loss of him. And of Carter.

Ryder never came for me. Late at night, when I would wake up in tears, I prayed he would come barreling through the door to sweep me out of another man's bed. I hoped he would come for me, and then I would hope I could smack him and scream at him for making me feel like this. I stared at the door, willing it to open.

It never opened and he never came. After every heartache of not seeing his face came a crushing wave of guilt. I hated that I missed him and cared for the people who were responsible for the accident. How could I love Carter and also love those who took him away from me? Scarlett and Caleb never mentioned their names during the days I stayed locked away.

The pity I ran away from and resented eventually took up residence in their eyes as well. Scarlett threw out suggestion after suggestion to get me to leave the confines of Caleb's bedroom. Caleb came and went, carrying on with his life in the real world. No one mentioned my car or brought up plans to pick it up from Ryder.

When I watched the fifth or sixth sunrise, Caleb left the room like usual. My legs suddenly grew restless and cramped. I swung my legs out from under the covers and let my feet touch the carpet. I stretched and my muscles protested at the use after prolonged rest. I slowly stood and walked to his window.

I drew up the blinds and looked out to the field below. The yellows and greens mixed on the ground below and I could almost smell the grass outside. The big red barn sat in the distance. I remembered walking to the barn with Ryder, full of nerves and worry, only to leave feeling lighter and more alive.

"Wake up," I demanded as I shook Scarlett's shoulder. She sat upright, looking around with wide eyes.

"What? What's wrong?" she asked, panicked.

"Nothing. Come on. I want to do something," I insisted, pulling her up and out of the bed.

I didn't bother to let either of us dress. I tiptoed down the stairs in my cotton shorts and large tee shirt. Scarlett followed in her flannel pants and a tank top. She was smart enough to grab her phone and both of our shoes. We slipped down the stairs and Scarlett led us out the back door in the kitchen.

Once outside, I took off in a run to the barn. I heard Scarlett's bare feet thudding behind me as she followed closely without questions. I panted for air as I reached the barn doors and released the latch to open them. Scarlett, finally catching on, went to the ATVs parked along the back door. She tossed my shoes at me and worked to open the back doors.

I sat on the smallest one and slipped my shoes on. I stared at the handlebars and tried to remember the quick lesson Ryder gave me. I remembered the way his hands brushed mine and the fluttering I felt inside when he did.

I started the engine and then heard Scarlett crank hers, shooting me a huge grin. I watched her feet as she kicked it into gear. I mimicked her moves and felt the bike jolt forward the slightest bit. I flicked the gas throttle and slowly let out the clutch, feeling the wheels move under me.

Scarlett drove forward slowly while waiting for me to follow. When I let go of the clutch and gave it gas, I caught up. I pulled in the clutch and used my foot to shift up another gear. Scarlett smiled and picked up speed across the field. I shifted a few more times before we reached the tree line to the forest.

Scarlett maneuvered to the path and I followed her. We dodged the puddles and swamps the boys would usually ride through. I stalled a few times and she would wait for me to start back up before we would get moving again. The sound of the motors whined and echoed in the early morning quiet. Without needing to tell her, Scarlett led us to the one spot I knew we should be.

We both shut down our bikes and walked to the bridge. We sat in the middle and hung our legs over the river like Ryder and I had done weeks before. I looked up at the sky and watched the clouds roll by.

"My boyfriend died," I admitted to her. She grabbed my hand and squeezed. "He was in a car accident. We were going home for the summer break. He was heading home the day after I did because he had an interview in the morning. He never made it home," I said with a tight voice.

"I'm so sorry, Kallie," Scarlett said, putting an arm around me to pull me closer to her.

"He was my first love. My first everything. We were supposed to get married and take over the world together."

We sat in silence as tears leaked down my face and onto her shoulder.

"Kallie, you are strong, smart, and beautiful. You can get through this. You didn't need to keep it all inside."

I snorted. "Right. You don't know my family. I have to be perfect. I have an image to uphold. I can't mope around and be depressed. I needed to get up, move on, and follow the plan set out for me."

"Well, obviously you don't." She shrugged when I looked at her in confusion. "You left. You got away and got time for yourself. To heal. Did you heal?"

I shrugged. I didn't know. Right now, thinking about Carter still opened a hole in my chest I couldn't seem to fill, but when I think of the last few weeks, I see a girl that became someone new, someone stronger and willing to go on with life.

"Do you feel better now that you have someone to blame?" she asked timidly. I leaned forward to look at her face. Her eyes were watered over and I saw the conflict. This was her brother, more precisely her twin, and her best friend we were talking about. People she loved and would think nothing but the world of.

"No," I answered honestly. "It doesn't change anything. It doesn't hurt less. It's almost harder when you mix the hurt with blame and anger."

"It all makes sense now. They both were acting so weird. Punishing themselves."

"You should go see them," I told her. "I'm not asking you to take sides."

She nodded and we held on to each other. I thought of how lucky I was to run into her. Scarlett was the complete opposite of me, yet we fit together. She was an amazing friend, and I could honestly say that without her, I probably wouldn't be the girl sitting on these tracks right now. When the clouds grew darker and the dampness of rain was in the air, we finally rode back to the barn.

My car was sitting in the driveway when we approached the house. My heart sank to my stomach. I didn't know if that meant that Ryder had been here, or if he'd sent someone to drop it off, refusing to see me. Scarlett hugged me and got in her car to go see the boys. I quietly slipped back up the stairs to hide in Caleb's bedroom.

## CHAPTER TWENTY-FOUR

##

**_Ryder_**

Flames and sparks splattered as I threw the empty bottle into the fire pit. Logan tossed his in as well and grabbed another from the cooler sitting between us. I shook my head when he handed me one. I couldn't fill my stomach anymore. We were sitting around the smallest fire we ever had on his property, basking in self-pity and hatred.

I sighed and leaned back in the plastic lounge chair. Logan popped open his bottle and took a long swig. Same routine as the last few nights. Sitting and wallowing. A pair of headlights approached us, coming down the driveway.

"Dammit," Logan cursed. "How many people do we have to tell to go the fuck away?" He stood, ready for another argument with another friend who was upset we weren't having a bonfire.

When the car got closer, I heard him sigh in defeat and slump back down in his car. This was the moment we had both been dreading all week. Scarlett slammed her car in park and stalked over to us. She stood in front of us with her hands on her hips.

"What?" I barked at her.

"What is this, a pity party?" she asked. We both just nodded. "Can I join?"

She took a seat on the cooler in between us after she grabbed a beer out for herself. She popped the top and tossed it into the small fire. We both watched her out of the corner of our eyes, waiting for the lecture, for the ranting and the blame. She did none of that. She sat with us, looking as sad and defeated as we both felt.

"What are you doing here?" Logan finally asked my sister.

"I'm sorry. I should have been here sooner. Are you guys okay?"

We both looked at each other in shock and confusion. She was worried about us? I knew my sister was loving and loyal, almost to a fault, but she always chose the right side. She was sitting with the enemy here.

"How is she?" Logan asked the question I was dying to ask, but never could.

"She will be okay," she said. She looked at me and I could tell she was trying to tell me something, and for the first time in forever, I couldn't tell what. "Why didn't you guys tell me?"

I winced at the hurt in her voice. "Not something we like talking about," I mumbled. Maybe if we didn't hide it, didn't try to run from it, then maybe it all wouldn't have blown up the way it did. "Did you know?" I asked her, knowing she could finish my thought.

"No. I thought she was going through a breakup," she said, putting her face in her hands.

"She hates me," I sighed. Raindrops fell on my skin, but I welcomed the cold and wetness.

"I don't think she does."

"Fuck. How could she not? I hate me. I should have never asked Logan to take me home that night," I yelled as I stood and paced around the fire.

"Dude. I could have said no. I was the one driving," Logan argued for the hundredth time since that night.

"You wouldn't have had to say shit if I didn't get wasted, again, and wanted a ride," I countered. "I should have stayed away from her like you told me to."

"I will tell you exactly what I told Kallie," she said standing to face me. "I said to stay away because I figured you two would do the exact opposite."

"What the fuck is that supposed to mean?" I growled at her. "I hurt her all over again. You should have seen her, Scar. She fell apart. I did that to her." The memory of her little body crumbling flashed in my mind and my stomach rolled. I may never be able to rid my mind of the sound of her screams.

"She's stronger than you give her credit for, than she gives herself credit for," she said as she tossed her bottle into the flames.

Another set of headlights stopped our conversation and we all watched the approaching truck. In the headlights, I could see the rain coming down in sheets, but none of us seemed to feel it. The lights went dark as Caleb got out of the truck. He pulled his hood up over his head as he came up to the fire.

"Hey," he said, looking around at the three us sitting, miserable.

"You girls can stay at the apartment," I told Scarlett, ignoring Caleb. I hated thinking of Kallie sleeping in his bed. His promise to keep his hands off her meant nothing to me, and seeing him now made my blood boil. "I'll stay with Logan."

"How long do you think she's even gonna stay?" Logan asked.

"She's not here?" Caleb asked in a panic.

"What?" Scarlett said, standing quickly. "No. Why?"

"She's not at the house. I thought she would be here. Her car is gone."

Without another thought, I was in my truck and turning the key. I ignored the calls behind me. I peeled out of the driveway, gravel spraying from under my tires. I spun the truck around and turned onto the road, sliding when the tires touched the slick pavement. From habit, I took the back roads into town toward the apartment.

For days, I was waiting for Kallie to get up and head home. I stayed at Logan's, sulking and waiting to hear she was finally gone. I dropped off her car and walked away from the house, fighting the urge to run up the stairs and take her away from there. Now, thinking she was actually going home, a part of me snapped. I had too much to say to her. I wasn't ready to face the fact that I will never see her again.

I pulled into the parking lot and slammed the truck into park. I didn't bother to turn it off or shut my door before I raced up the steps, taking two at a time. The door flung open and slammed against the wall as I burst through. The place smelled stale and was dark. The living room lost the smell of lotion and girly hair products that it usually had. It was a smell I hated at first, but then grew to think of as normal, like home. The furniture was tossed and everything still sat shattered on the floor, just as I left it.

I turned on every light and checked every room twice. Kallie was no where to be found. Panic grew inside me when I realized she left, without her things, without saying goodbye. Her phone, turned off as usual, was still on the counter charging. Her pile of clothes had been rummaged through, but it could have been Scarlett.

I ran back down the stairs and jumped back in my truck. I slammed my fists on the steering wheel and pulled at my hair in frustration. I just had to find her, but I couldn't exactly explain why. I just knew she couldn't leave like this. I sped out of the parking lot and started the drive on the road that I avoided since that night.

My palms started to sweat and my heart was beating so hard, I could feel it in my throat. I haven't driven this route since the accident until yesterday. I couldn't see the spot that we killed a man. I couldn't stand to be reminded of what we took from the world, so I avoided it. Logan made the mistake just a few times. He barely came back from it each time.

I turned the windshield wipers up to full speed, trying see clearly. I reluctantly slowed while I took the curve, knowing first hand how dangerous it could be. When my headlights landed on the parked car on the side of the road, I finally took a breath. I pulled up behind the car I used to see everyday and put the truck in park.

Kallie sat at the base of the tree, much like the other day when we found her with the brother. Her hair was wet and sticking to her face. Her lips were moving and her hand ran down the side of the tree. I sat frozen with my hand on the door handle, watching her. Drops ran down her face and I couldn't tell if it was rain or tears.

A flash of lightening lit up the sky and she tilted her head up to the clouds. The sound of thunder rolled and rumbled. Her lips were still moving, but all I could hear was the rain beating down on the hood of the cab. When she rested her head on the tree and I saw her body shaking, I moved into action. She didn't even hear the sound of my door closing.

I knelt down beside her, unsure if I should touch her and what to say to get her out of the storm brewing. I knew she knew I was there, but she didn't acknowledge me. She picked up a framed photo of a group of soccer players and ran her fingers over the surface. My heart clenched at the loving gesture.

She laid it down where she picked up from and played with the charms on her bracelet. I saw the glint from the hose clamp she took from the shop. She unclasped the silver chain from her wrist and gently placed it with the photos and flowers at the roots. She stood and walked to the road, falling to her hands and knees. She rubbed her hands on the asphalt of the road and my chest tightened.

I grabbed her bracelet from the wet ground, shoved it into my pocket, and slowly came up behind her. She was running her small hands on the road, feeling the slickness and warmth soaked up from the sun. The rain pounded down on us while steam rose up from the grass and road, settling in a fog around us. I choked on the guilt inside me for making her feel like this.

Another flash of lightening made her flinch. Broken from her daze, she looked up at me. The blue in her eyes was the only color I could see around me. The world was an eerie black and white scene, except for her eyes on me. She studied me and examined me. I watched her debate and rearrange her thoughts. When she slowly stood, I braced myself for the backlash I was about to receive.

"You shouldn't be out here," I told her as the wind picked up and blew her wet hair around her face. "Let's get out of this." She ignored me and slowly walked to me. The rumble of thunder vibrated around us.

Her hands touched my face and I was startled by the contact. She held both sides of my face and looked at me with confusion and hurt. "Why didn't you tell me?"

Anger mixed with hate boiled inside, and I pulled away from her. "Me? Why didn't you tell me? I begged you to tell me what was going on with you, why you were hiding, and you refused to open up to me. You should've told me your boyfriend just died," I shouted over the wind and rain.

She glared back at me. Good, she should be angry with me. She should be. "Open up to you? You don't think I opened up to you? I did!"

"You could have told me your boyfriend died! Is that why you were here? To find someone to blame?"

"Blame?" she shouted back at me. "You think that helps at all? That it makes me feel any better? It doesn't! Nothing has changed," she yelled.

"Then why were you here?" I asked, coming close to her so I wouldn't need to shout.

"For you." Another crack of thunder broke my eye contact. I grabbed her by the arm and dragged her to the truck. I ignored her words; they didn't matter.

I opened the door and pushed her up into the seat. She stopped fighting once she was seated and I ran over to get into the driver's seat. Lightening lit up the inside of the cab and I saw her watching me as I drove. I drove away from the tree and didn't speak as she glared at me.

She could blame me. She should blame me. If it made her feel better, she could beat my ass for what I did. The brother seemed hell-bent on finding someone to blame, to make himself feel better. If it helped her, I would take all the blame from her, from him, and from myself.

"How did it happen?" she asked in a firm voice. I couldn't decide if it was from anger or strength.

"Shut up, Kallie. I'm not telling you that."

"Yes, you are," she argued. "I need to know. I just have to," she added quietly.

I hit the breaks and turned the steering wheel sharply, sending us into a fish tail. When the front of the truck did a complete turn and we were facing the direction we just came from, I punched the gas pedal again. The truck swerved and squealed as the tires struggled to gain traction on the wet road.

The truck straightened and I kept gunning it. "You want to know, Princess? That will make you feel better?" I screamed over the roar of the engine and the storm outside. I slammed on the brakes when we hit the grass at the dreaded spot we just left. Kallie jerked forward from the sudden stop and I held her back with my arm. I just about broke the shifter when I threw it in park.

"I was drunk, typical," I started in a hard voice. I remembered stumbling around the bonfire. "I should've just crashed on his couch, like I usually did. But I got a bug up my ass and I wanted to go home, so I asked Logan to give me a ride."

"You weren't driving?" she asked, staring out the front windshield.

"No, but I shouldn't have asked him," I growled, angry at myself. "He was drinking, too, and it was my fault he was even on the road that night."

I could still remember joking with him and harassing him to take me home. The party was starting to die down because of the rain, and I knew Scarlett had already left. I didn't feel like sleeping on his stiff couch or the floor. When I called him a bitch for the third time, he finally gave in and grabbed his keys.

"What happened? Please, Ryder, I need to know," she pleaded.

"It was raining and we came around this curve too fast," I told her. "We saw him too late." I swallowed as I remembered seeing the light fill our cab at the last second and the truck suddenly jerking to the right. I could hear the sound of metal crunching and our yells in my head. "We tried to help him. It was too late."

We sat in silence and I replayed the scene in my head. My legs were heavy as we ran to the smoking car in the grass. Logan flung open the door; I grabbed the limp body's jacket and pulled him from the car. My breathing stopped as the image of the bloody and terrified face flashed in front of my mind.

It's the same face that haunted my dreams every night. I could still see his eyes, blue like Kallie's, looking up at me as I heard Logan on the phone beside me. My dreams replayed the words I told him to keep him calm while we waited for help. Every night, behind my closed eyelids, I saw his face, draining of life and eyes slowly closing.

I looked at the spot in front of us and could see the blue and red lights flashing and reflecting off the trees around us. I could see myself and Logan, standing in front of the officers in uniform, walking a straight line for them. In my mind, I saw us being escorted into the backseat of police cruisers while the ambulance slowly drove away.

I stepped out of my truck as I saw the ambulance pull away from the imaginary scene in my mind. The lights were flashing, but the sirens didn't sound. It was driving too slow, in no rush to save the man's life. Logan's face, full of regret and pain, flashed in my memory. I felt a hand on my shoulder that jerked me out of my memories.

I spun around and looked down into her face. Water droplets gathered on her skin and her wide eyes were on me. "Don't you see? This is all my fault! I killed him," I cried as I sank down to my knees in the road.

"You didn't," she said as she knelt beside me and tried to look me in the eyes.

I reached out and pushed her away from me. "Yes, I did. Stop trying to please everyone around you," I said to her, out of anger. "I did this."

Kallie pushed herself up and stood over me. I could feel her eyes burning into me from above. The rain beat down on my back and was soaking through my leather jacket. The smell of the wet leather only brought back more memories of that night.

"No," she said as she shoved my shoulder. "Ever since I came into this town, I stopped trying to please everyone around me. So don't tell me what to do. And I'm not going to blame you."

I stood and stalked over to her, full of rage. She backed away from me as I seethed. "I'm no good for you. I warned you. I would only hurt you. I did hurt you and I did it before I even fucking met you. Stay. Away. From. Me."

A loud cracking sound was all I heard before I felt the burning and stinging in my cheek.

## CHAPTER TWENTY-FIVE

##

**_Kallie_**

Ryder's eyes went wide as I put my hand back to my side. My palm stung from the slap, but the pain was welcome.

"You don't get to call all the shots," I said through gritted teeth. "I feel a lot of things right now, not just hurt. I have been through hell and back with no one to hold my hand or help me through it."

"And why is that? You could have fucking told someone," he said in a low voice.

"Why? It didn't matter. Everyone back home expected me to get up, move on, and pick up where I left off. I was supposed to continue being the girl everyone knew me as. Nothing anyone here could have said, or done, would have made it all go away. Nothing was going to make it better. What I needed was to be able to be sad, to hurt, and feel better. I didn't want to talk about it. I didn't want to shove it deep down and ignore it. I wanted to pretend it didn't happen."

"But it did."

"Yes, I know. I lost my first love. I lost a man that loved me, that would have given me the world. But you want to know what else I lost?"

"No," he said as he looked away. It was a fine moment to decide to be honest with me.

"I lost my way. I lost the girl I built around him. I didn't know who I was if I wasn't Carter's girl. I had no idea how to continue with school when my biggest cheerleader wasn't on the sideline. I didn't know how to be with old friends when I felt like I wasn't the same person they knew anymore. I didn't know what the future held when all my plans were pulled out from under me."

I paused to take in deep breaths. My chest was heaving and my skin burned from the wrath running in my veins. "I'm sorry," he whispered.

If every one of my senses weren't on high alert, I may not have heard it. Something inside me broke looking at the pain in his eyes.

"I know," I said softly. "But I can't blame you. I am hurt, I miss him, and I'm confused. I don't have room in me for hate and blame. I just don't."

"Make room, because it's all my fault." His voice cracked at the end.

"Ryder, it could have been another car. It could have been anyone leaving the party. He could have stayed on the highway, like we usually did. It could have been dry out. None of that matters," I said, stepping closer to him. Now, hearing the words that I was saying out loud, I believed what I was telling him. Josh may have found closure in blame, but it did none of that for me.

He took a step back and looked back at the scene of the accident. I saw the slump in his shoulders and the despair on his face. I wanted nothing more than to take him in my arms and soothe the pain away. My heart broke as I watched drops run down his face. I doubted it was the rain.

For that moment, I could picture him terrified and confused, looking over at a mangled car. It's an image I've seen many times in my dreams, but it only ever included Carter. I never thought about the reasons or someone to blame. None of that mattered because he was gone. I watched as the guilt ate Ryder up right in front of me and thought of Logan, and how he felt.

"Ryder," I said tentatively as I reached for him. "Please look at me."

He shook his head. "I can't. You should leave. Go home."

"Please," I pleaded. "You're important to me and I can't lose you, too," I broke off with tears.

He spun around and his arms were wrapped around my body instantly. I cried into the wet leather of his jacket, and my tears ran down with the rain drops. He ran his hand through my wet hair, getting caught in the tangles. I shivered as he held me close to his chest.

"I'm so sorry," he repeated into my hair.

"I know," I said. "I don't blame you, and I don't hate you. I just can't."

"I just don't know if I can do the same."

He squeezed me harder and as I rested my head on his chest, I looked over at the tree. I came into this town screaming and punching that tree for taking the love of my life. I was looking for answers and something to ease the ache I felt in my heart. I found my relief somewhere else, though. Tonight, I sat in the grass and said goodbye. I thanked Carter for everything he gave me, taught me, and helped me through. I told him I loved him.

I would never trade a second that I spent with him. He taught me how to love, how to receive love, and how amazing it could be. He backed me in every accomplishment and always believed in me. He would have made an amazing father and role model. It was a shame the rest of the world couldn't have seen it. I really do pity those lives that would never be touched by him.

With his death, I learned another lesson. I learned how to stand on my own two feet. I learned how to be me and how to be true to myself. I learned that if I wanted to be happy, I had to do that for myself. I hated that I had to run away to grieve, to feel pain and let myself get swallowed up in it, but I did. I imagined myself trying to learn to ride a bike with Carter letting go so I could try to hold myself up.

I thought of the tattoo engraved on my skin. The feather falling away to be free and dropping away from its home. The birds were breaking away from all they ever knew to be on their own, to become something. I built a life around what I thought I should be and what I should be doing. I needed to rebuild and I pictured Carter silently standing by, smiling and encouraging me as I tried to put the pieces together myself.

Footsteps came toward us and I saw a light out of the corner of my eye. "Guys, I hate to break this up, but there are tornado warnings and it's getting really bad," Caleb said, trying to shield himself from the downpour.

I shivered again and let Ryder pull away from me. Behind Caleb, Logan's SUV was parked. The lights were on inside from the door Caleb left open. Scarlett was sitting in the backseat with Logan behind the wheel. Ryder pulled me by my hand and led me to them. Scarlett opened the back door and slid across the seat to make room. I slid over next to her as Ryder silently sat next to me.

Caleb jumped in up front with Logan, and Scarlett squeezed my hand as we pulled away from Ryder's truck and the scene of the accident that once took place. Caleb's phone screen lit up the inside of the cab while he checked the weather. "We should probably just go to your place," he told Logan. Logan nodded and made a U-turn.

When Logan's eyes met mine in the rearview mirror, I reached forward and put my hand on his shoulder. When his eyes went wide, I leaned forward, let go of Scarlett, and put my arm around his chest in an awkward hug. He patted my arm wrapped around him. Taking my hand, he kissed the top of it, letting go when Ryder pulled me back and strapped a seat belt on me.

Within minutes, we were pulling into Logan's driveway. For the first time, I noticed how close we where to where the accident happened. It always took longer to get to his house for the few bonfires we went to. I then realized Ryder went out of his way to avoid the area and we were always taking a long way around.

We ran from the car to the house. The rain smacked my skin and stung with its speed. The wind howled and the darkness was the thickest I had ever seen. The stars and moon were blanketed in the black clouds. We all were panting when we slammed the front door and were out of the elements. I shivered uncontrollably without the emotions and adrenaline keeping me numb.

Ryder peeled off his leather jacket and let it hit the floor. "You've got to be freezing. Come on," he said as he pulled me up the stairs.

We entered a bedroom with a bare twin bed and a small dresser. There was nothing on the walls; the only decoration was the lamp on the nightstand that he'd turned on. Ryder left me standing in the middle of the unfamiliar room. I trembled and pulled off my soaked shirt. A loud crack echoed and the lights went off.

"Kallie," I heard in the darkness.

"I'm here," I called, reaching out into nothing. When I felt the hardness of his chest, I sighed in relief. He found me.

"Put this on," he told me and I felt fabric touching my stomach.

I slipped off my shoes, using him to balance. I tipped over trying to pull down my pants and he caught me. He held my shoulders to keep me standing straight up as his hand let go and I felt his fingers graze my bare hips. He slid the wet and thick fabric down my legs. Goosebumps ran along my skin as the cold air rolled over me.

He stood and wrapped his hands around my waist, going up until he reached my bra. His hands followed the lace to the clasps in the back. My body was pulled closer to his when he reached to undo it. The snaps unhooked and the straps fell down my shoulders. I heard the splatter of the soaked material hitting the floor.

I stood before him, freezing and exposed. I reached out and placed my palms on his chest, finding bare flesh. I sucked in a breath when I felt his muscles flex under my hands. I took a step closer to press against him. I was suddenly warmed up and it had nothing to do with clothing.

"Kallie," he said in a tight voice.

"Ryder," I mimicked.

"It's not right," he said.

I couldn't hear anymore, and I instinctually found his lips with mine. I pushed myself harder into him, not letting him push me away. I poured all of me into the kiss. The pain I felt for losing someone and the pain I felt when I saw what he was putting himself through. I let my fear seep into the kiss. The fear that we could never move past our encounter and our coincidence rose from deep in my chest and played out with my lips.

His fingers dug into the skin of my hips and he pulled me flush against him. We ignored the wind and rain banging on the roof and walls. He fell to his knees and placed light kisses across my stomach. His lips lightly traced the outline of my feather, symbolizing my freedom and letting go. Even in the dark, the lines were there and screaming to be found.

Lightening that filled the room followed by a crack of thunder made me jump. Ryder stood up and handed me the large shirt he found for me. I pulled it over my head and it came down to mid-thigh. The wind shook the house around us as he grabbed my hand and quickly led me down the stairs.

We opened a door in the kitchen to another set of stairs. I followed closely behind him and could see a soft glow lighting up the damp and cool space. Scarlett, Logan, and Caleb sat against some boxes and random items in storage. Two small oil lanterns sat in the center of them, casting a golden glow over their curious faces.

A few pillows and blankets sat in the empty space of the circle. I sat on a pillow and pulled a blanket over my bare legs. Ryder hesitantly took a seat next to me and I flung some blanket over him. Caleb handed me a large glass bottle and I took a drink from it. I didn't care what it was.

I groaned from the burn and handed the bottle off to Ryder. After his drink, he passed it to Scarlett. The bottle made it's way around the circle in silence. The house creaked and cold air leaked in the cracks of the cement blocks around us.

"This is nice," I said lamely, looking around. Scarlett spit out whatever we were drinking and laughed hysterically. "What?" I asked defensively.

"Well, thanks," Logan said with humor in his voice. "It's just a dirty and dark basement."

"You're right. And creepy," I nodded. "But safe," I said, raising my finger in the air to signal a point has been made.

"True," Logan agreed, peeling at the label of the bottle, and Caleb snickered.

"Do you think there will really be a tornado?" Scarlett asked, wrapping her arms around herself.

"No, we'll be fine," Logan told her gently as he wrapped his arm around her and pulled her close.

"Well, if one hits, I hope it takes out the warehouse. I don't want to work in four hours," Caleb grumbled as he situated himself and laid flat on the floor.

None of us spoke for a while. Caleb's breathing slowed and I figured he finally fell asleep. Logan held onto Scarlett and rubbed her arms to calm her. I caught the glares Ryder shot over to his best friend. I also saw Logan ignore them and continue to whisper in her ear as she leaned into him. Interesting.

I leaned against Ryder when I felt like I couldn't hold my body up anymore. I felt his muscles tense under me. I didn't move. I just let his strength keep me stable and his body heat warm me.

"Hold me?" I asked quietly, so only he would hear. He shook his head and closed his eyes so he wouldn't have to look at me. "Please. I just want to sleep without the dreams tonight, please," I begged.

He sighed and lifted his arm so I could rest my head in his lap. I smiled as I snuggled close and he ran his fingers through my messy hair. I was hovering between sleep and being awake. My senses were fading in and out when I heard the quiet voices.

"It's not your fault," came a soft voice, sounding like Scarlett.

"It is."

"Ry, you can't take that on. She doesn't want you to either."

"I can. I will. I am."

"You will only hurt her more," she said to him.

"You don't think I already did? She should hate me," he said loud enough that I was actually awake now, but unmoving.

"But she doesn't. I know she doesn't and even though you can be an idiot, I know you know it, too."

He sighed and leaned back on his hands, moving me slightly. I stretched and opened my eyes slowly, so they didn't know I heard them.

"What time is it?" I asked.

"Three. You girls want to go back home? It sounds like it died down a bit," Ryder asked as I sat up.

"No," we both said at the same time. I tried not to smile at her wrapped in Logan's arms still.

I didn't want to leave this moment right now. I knew tomorrow would be a new day, with new obstacles and questions. Tonight, with the wind and rain threatening us, Ryder was here to keep me safe. Tomorrow, the sun would come up and light up the mess we made. Emotions would be leveled and heads would be clear.

Would I be angry? Would I hate them for what they did? Would Ryder hate himself more? Or would I still miss Ryder?

What I did know was that when I thought of getting in my car and driving back to my parent's house, my throat closed up. I found something here I never had before. Could I take what I learned and found here back with me? Or would I feel empty and hallow again?

Ryder pulled me back and squeezed me against him. I could feel him vibrating inside and he rested his forehead on my shoulder. I turned and tilted my chin up to look into his dark eyes. They were full of guilt and sorrow, and I ached to rid him of it. I pulled his face slowly to mine and pressed my lips to his.

I felt his breath rush across my lips when I broke away from the kiss and rested my head on his chest. He held me as he laid down on the floor, pulling me with him. He continued to hold me and rub circles into my lower back while I let silent tears slowly run down my cheeks and dampen his shirt. My eyelids were too heavy to keep open anymore and I started to drift away again. My heart started to crack, feeling as though this was the last time he would ever hold me. I wasn't sure if I was capable of handling that.

## CHAPTER TWENTY-SIX

##

**_Kallie_**

My neck was sore and my head hurt when I started to stir in the morning. My throat was raw, and I felt cold and damp all over. I forced my eyes open and stared up into Ryder's face. He was watching me with an expression I've never seen on him before. His eyes looked pained, but filled with tenderness at the same time.

I laid there silently, partly from the surprise of his expression, but mostly because I didn't know what to say to him. I was relieved to see he even stayed with me through the night. Several times I tossed and turned, expecting him to sneak away from me and to wake up alone. I spun the bracelet I made around my wrist.

"Morning," he finally said with a rough voice.

"Morning," I replied as I sat up and smoothed down my hair. "Well, that was luxurious."

He let out a short laugh. "I know. I think every one of my bones hurt," he complained, wincing.

I looked around him and saw the basement was empty. "What time is it?"

"Early. Probably six or seven," he told me. "Did you have to work?"

"No, I have the week off," I told him, looking down at my hands. When I called Minnie to call off one morning, sobbing uncontrollably into the phone, she insisted that I take off all the time I needed. I didn't even have to tell her what was wrong. She just told me to stay home and she was there when I needed, or wanted, to come back.

"You didn't quit?" he asked, sounding surprised.

"No. I never really planned on leaving, Ryder,"

"But, now everything has changed," he whispered solemnly.

"Yeah," I admitted.

"I wish you would have told me," he glared at me.

"Me too," I shrugged. "But I didn't want to. We can't go back now. We don't get do-overs."

"No shit."

"I meant what I said last night. I was worried that this morning I wouldn't, but I do. It hurt thinking I lost you, Ryder. It really hurt," I choked, tears coming to my eyes. "I know this is crazy and messed up, but I don't want to be without you."

Instantly, Ryder grabbed me and pulled me into his hard chest. I let out a shaky breath and inhaled his scent. It was comforting, safe, and all around Ryder. His strong arms encircled me and kept me from falling apart.

"I'm sorry," he whispered into my hair.

"Me too. I missed you. I wouldn't take back what we had. Never." I felt his muscles tense under me. I pulled away and looked into his eyes. He searched my face with trepidation, like he was waiting for the final blow. "What he had, what we have, still happened. It was real and it mattered to me. I don't think I can give that up."

"We don't get do-overs," he said, almost to himself.

I stood, unable to contain myself any longer. "Ryder, you made me realize it was okay to feel again. You made me realize it was okay, and I would, I could, love again."

"I killed the one you loved," he hissed.

"No. He died. You were there, but I can't make myself blame you, or hate you. I laid there at Caleb's, at night for hours, trying to make myself hate you for your part. And Logan. I tried to tell myself it was all your fault and find some peace and closure, like Josh wanted." I dropped back to my knees in front of him. My body was drained. "But no matter how hard I tried, I failed. I rarely fail and I try to avoid it all costs, so I'm not trying anymore."

"I can't be your hero, Kallie," he said. "That's not me. I'm not good enough. I can't save you."

"You already have. You made me feel free, special, and most of all like I had a choice in my own life. That I could think and feel how I want to."

"You do have a choice," he told me, like it was obvious.

"I know that now. I got in my car and left home, running away from a life that I thought I was going to have to live. We met for a reason. You made me a different person. I don't want to be anyone else anymore."

He let out a small laugh. "Princess, you didn't change. You just stopped pretending." My heart clenched hearing the nickname I once hated. It sounded so good rolling off his tongue again.

"Maybe. I experienced a lot here. I lived. I did things I've never done before and never thought I could. I thought I would never fall in love again, and I did," I whispered.

His lips crashed to mine. The impact took the air out of my lungs until he let out a sigh, filling them back up. I drank him up, tasting his mouth like it was the first time, when in reality it had only been hours since I had last had his lips on mine. His hands went into my hair and he held it tightly as he pulled me into him. I moaned and dug my fingernails into the back of his neck.

He pulled away abruptly, staring hard into my eyes. "What do we do now?"

"I don't know. I'm throwing all plans out the window."

He kissed me hard again. "Want to go home?"

My stomach flipped and my heart felt lighter hearing the word "home". I nodded quickly and let him pull me to my feet. I groaned with the pain in my back from sleeping on the cold floor. Ryder towered over me, looking at me with confusion and wonder.

"What?" I asked, feeling self-conscious.

"How can you ever forgive me?"

"I already did, Ryder." I put my hand on his chest. "Because without knowing it, you were healing me."

"And you want to stay?" he asked, disbelieving.

"I do," I sighed. "Now, can we please go find a real bed that I can lay in?"

He smiled, but not fully. When we came to the bottom of the steps, shadows cowered at the top, making me jump. Scarlett and Logan tried to retreat and get back up the rest of the steps, tripping over each other. Ryder glared at them while I shook my head and tried not to laugh.

The sun was shining in the windows when we came up into the kitchen. There was no sign of the storm that raged last night. Logan and Scarlett looked down at the floor, embarrassed that they were caught eavesdropping. I went upstairs to change back into my clothes, anxious to leave. When I came back down, Scarlett watched me with concerned eyes.

"We ready?" Ryder asked, sounding irritated.

"Yep. I'll follow you," Scarlett offered. "My car is here. You want me to take you to yours?"

"Um," I stalled. I had no desire to go back to that spot. Now that tree held more memories and pain than it had before.

"I'll take her," Ryder said as he grabbed my hand and led me out the door.

He helped me into the seat like he always had, but his movements were stiff and unnatural. I bit my lip, worried I had a harder road ahead of me than I'd thought. After only a few silent minutes, we pulled up behind my car. He shut off the truck and turned to me.

"This is your chance," he said. "You can get in that car and drive home like you should have months ago."

"Is that what you want me to do?" I asked, holding my breath.

"No. I think it's what you should do," he sighed.

"It's not what I want to do," I told him.

He smiled softly and pulled me in for a kiss. My entire body tingled and lit on fire with his touch. His hands gripped at my hips as he pulled me closer and I could feel him letting go. I could feel him letting me back in and opening back up. I pulled away breathless.

"Can we go home?" I asked him.

"Of course," he smiled tenderly and brushed some hair off my forehead.

I got out of truck and walked to my car, looking over at the tree and choking back some tears. I would be okay, I told myself. I climbed behind the wheel and started my car. I had a soft smile as I heard the engine running, feeling like I was reunited with an old friend.

When we made it back to the apartment and opened the door, I stopped immediately. The place was destroyed. Books and candles, that were once on bookshelves, were scattered on the floor. The stools, usually at the breakfast bar, were tuned over and the recliner sat on its side. Broken glass and stuffing from pillows covered the carpeting.

"What happened?" I asked as Scarlett came out of her room like there was no issue.

"Ryder is gonna clean this up. I sure as hell won't be," she glared at her brother.

"You did this?" I asked, looking up at him.

"I thought I would never see you again," he answered simply. My heart warmed thinking he was just as upset I was.

I pushed myself up on my toes and kissed him. He wrapped his arms around me and pulled my legs up to his waist. I wrapped my arms around his neck as he carried me to his bedroom. His room was just as trashed as the rest of the place. He knelt on the bed and laid me down gently. He used his elbows to keep most of his weight off me. I stared up into his eyes, missing the golden flecks that were hidden deep in them.

"I missed you," he whispered before taking my lips.

His kiss was feverish and desperate. I struggled to breath and keep up with his haste. I broke away, gasping for air as his lips moved down my neck, licking and sucking. I moaned when he gently nipped at my collarbone. I heard him growl before he pulled me up roughly and tore my shirt off of me.

His hands ran all over my skin, owning me, memorizing me. When I thought I would explode from the passion of it alone, he slowed to a torturous pace. He slowly kissed his way up from my waist to my neck as I squirmed underneath him. I needed his touch. I needed to feel how he felt.

"Did you mean what you said this morning?" he asked close to my ear.

"Yes." I meant everything I said.

"You fell in love again?"

"Yes."

He kissed me again on the lips and looked down into my eyes. "I love you, Kallie," he said nervously. "I'm never good enough. I ruin everything and I can't live with you hurting again."

"Please don't," I said, putting my hand over his mouth to shut him up. "You ruined nothing. You may have turned my life upside down, and I will never be the same, but it was worth it and I wouldn't have it any other way. I love you and that is something I will not give up. Giving that up hurts more."

I have never seen emotions flood someone's face like I saw then. Relief, fear, love, anger, and guilt flowed across his features like a waterfall rushing over the edge. I squeezed his shoulders to bring him back to me. He gazed down at me with an intensity that made my stomach flip like it did when I had my first crush. The word "love" in his voice swirled around in my head.

"I will spend forever making it up to you," he promised. "I will do anything and everything to make you happy, Princess."

He came down on me and kissed me gently. My lips moved with his and my heartbeat hammered in my chest. I ran my fingers through his hair, loving the softness between my fingers. His hands felt right on my body. I felt connected and guarded with him leaning over me. His lips went to my neck, trailing down my collarbone, then back up to kiss the spot behind my ear. I squirmed under him, my entire body aching for him.

I needed to feel more of his skin on mine. I needed to have that connection with him. I slid off my pants and pulled his shirt over his head. He growled deep in his chest and my legs trembled in anticipation.

"Off. Now," I whispered and tugged on his waistband.

He stood and complied immediately. He stood at the edge of the bed, unbuttoned his pants, and shoved them off. I held my breath as I waited for him to come back to me. My heart ached, thinking I almost lost him and would never have lips on me again. He held himself over me, teasing me. I was wet and ready to release with the slightest touch.

"Condom," he bit out tightly.

"I'm on the pill. Please," I begged.

"Anything you want, Princess," he smirked as he pushed slowly inside of me. I gasped at the instant satisfaction, and he kissed me to shut me up.

He slowly pulled out before pushing back in. He moved at a torturous pace and my body begged to be put out its misery. I wrapped my legs around his waist to pull him closer. I moaned when he buried himself as deep as he could go. He pulled out even slower and pushed deeply into me again. He watched my face in amazement as I forced myself to stay quiet.

Having him so deeply buried in me with the intense look on his face was pushing me close to the edge, and I closed my eyes. His movements slowed even more, keeping me from falling over completely. I growled in frustration and tried to push my hips closer to his. I needed more. I needed all of him.

"Look at me baby," he demanded. He put his finger under my chin and I opened my eyes to lock them with his. "You're beautiful when you come."

His words pushed me over the cliff. I convulsed and contracted around him. I cried out his name as I dug my fingernails into his back. I forced my eyelids to stay open and focused on his face. The bedroom faded around me and he was all I could see. My body tingled and exploded with sensations. I could feel it in my fingertips and toes. Pleasure shimmered and vibrated through my entire being.

Ryder never broke his paced rhythm as my orgasm ran over me in waves, each one more intense. "I love you, Kallie," he breathed into my ear, earning another explosion from me.

"I love you," I said through the panting and moaning.

A moan rumbled deep from his chest and he laid his forehead on mine, eyes still on mine. He pumped into me gently a few more times before I felt his muscles flex as he shook above me, spilling inside of me. We came together then, no longer worried about the noise. Ryder finally came slowly to a stop and gently pulled out me.

Our heavy breathing filled the room. He rolled over to lay next to me and wove his fingers through mine. I looked down at our hands together. His large and strong hands gently twined with mine, tiny and dainty. They looked right together. His roughness and strength, protecting my gentleness.

"Can we stay like this forever?" he asked with a small laugh.

"I wouldn't object."

"I should really go and fix the house before Scarlett kills me."

"You should. I need a shower," I said, sitting up. "Ryder?" I called just before he got up to leave.

"Yeah?"

"Thank you. For being here. For everything," I said.

He sighed and crawled back up the bed to me. "I would do absolutely anything for you. I hope you know that. I never want to hurt you."

I nodded and he kissed me before he got up and left me in the bedroom. I got up and walked into his bathroom. The room looked untouched by his rampage. I turned on the hot water and stepped under the stream. My legs felt weak under my weight and my arms struggled to rub the shampoo through my hair.

Now alone, I had a billion questions in my head. What happens now? I know I was throwing all caution to the wind and trying to be adventurous after a life of always playing it safe, but I wasn't completely irresponsible. I knew it was probably not the greatest idea to just move in here. We never really technically dated. And I would need to call home eventually. What would I even say? What would I do about school?

I came out to the bedroom and Ryder was sitting on the edge of the bed, waiting for me with his head in his hands. He looked up at me as I opened the door, wrapped in a towel. His beautiful face was contorted with pain and regret, but laced with love and concern. I knelt before him and ran my fingers over his face, smoothing out the lines. I gently kissed his lips, finally bringing a small smile to them.

"Kallie," he started, grabbing my hand and pulling it to him, "You should have this."

He reached into his back pocket and pulled something out, shoving it into my hand. I felt cool metal landing in my palm and I looked down to see what it was. The silver and gems shined back at me. Years of memories of holidays and birthdays were all clasped onto a simple gold chain.

"How did you get this?" I asked through the tears.

"I picked it up after you left it," he explained, tilting my head up to look at him. "You don't need to leave this behind. You don't have to give it all up."

"Thank you," I said, wrapping my arms around his neck.

"I'm so sorry, baby," he said into my wet hair.

"I know," I replied and squeezed his hand. "And we'll be okay. You hear me? This sucks, but it's something we can work through together. It bonds us and will make us stronger."

He huffed and shook his head, staring at me with wonder. "I have no idea how I managed to earn your forgiveness and love, but being the selfish bastard I am, I'm gonna take it. Deserving or not."

"Ry, I have no idea why you feel like you don't deserve anything less than the best. I guess I'll need to change your mind," I said, winking and making him laugh.

## CHAPTER TWENTY-SEVEN

##

**_Ryder_**

I stood, leaning up against the door frame, watching the girls. They had no idea I was standing here yet, and I was fine with that. They would be so embarrassed when they found out. I was trying so hard to keep from laughing.

The last few days were tense and full of mixed emotions. I told Kallie I loved her when I finally got her back home. It surprised us both to hear the words come out of my mouth. I rarely said them, and never to a girl that wasn't my sister. Up until that moment, I had refused to even admit them.

Hearing her sweet voice say them back undid me inside. The stone that I was made of cracked and crumbled for her. I felt exposed and vulnerable, but I owed her that. I broke her heart before she even had mine. The least I could do was love her, heal her, and hope with all that I have that I am good enough for her.

Every night, I would wake up, feeling the guilt and panic washing over me. Immediately, her hands would be on me. She would comfort me, tell me she loved me, and we would make it through this storm. I hoped she was right.

I felt the guilt before I knew. Every time I saw Logan and what he was going through, I hated myself for being the reason for it. Every time he was questioned, and every meeting with lawyers he had to avoid charges, I died inside. When I found out the hurt I caused others that knew the driver, I didn't think I could handle that.

Now, standing here watching Kallie and Scarlett dance around the bedroom like no one was watching, I could smile. I saw the tears in Kallie's eyes now, but they were from laughing and not from heartbreak. Her smile was genuine and her blue eyes sparkled with life. The girls jumped on the bed and sang at the tops of their lungs like fools, thinking I was still at work.

Kallie stopped mid-twirl, finally spotting me. "Oh, um, hey," she said embarrassed. Scarlett halted her ridiculous moves as well.

"Ladies," I greeted them, raising an eyebrow.

They both busted up laughing and I couldn't help but join in. Their laughter was contagious and the apartment was missing the sound for far too long. Scarlett flopped on the bed and rolled around, holding her sides and laughing. Kallie knelt over, her body shaking while trying to catch her breath.

I took a few large steps to her, put both of my hands on the sides of her face, and kissed her. Her face was lit up with happiness and I couldn't hold back from her lips another second. She stopped laughing and shoved her fingers into my hair, pulling me closer to her. I pulled away and smiled down at her.

"Hey," she smiled. "How was work? Hungry? I was going to entertain you guys with a pathetic attempt at cooking tonight."

"Well, that sounds scary," I joked. She shoved my shoulder and we went out into the living room.

I grabbed her hand and let her lead me to the couch, where I pulled her into my arms. The room was a little bare after having to get rid of so much that I broke in my rage. We no longer had a coffee table, and the few decorations that Scarlett had up were gone. I promised Scarlett I would go shopping and replace everything.

"I thought she needed to learn sometime," Scarlett suggested as she sat in the recliner.

"Or I could live off my discount at the diner and eat there forever," Kallie joked.

A knock at the door sounded and Scarlett hopped up to answer it. "Can I help you?"

I stood when I heard a man's voice say Kallie's name. Scarlett pulled the door open more. She turned and gave me a confused and worried look.

"Josh?" Kallie asked, surprised behind me.

His eyes darted from her to me a few times, and his face hardened. His jaw tensed and his fists clenched at his sides. I stood taller and stepped slightly in front of Kallie as a shield.

"What are you doing here?" she asked hesitantly.

"You should really answer your phone once a month or so," he answered. "Since I'm the only one who knows where you are, I came to tell you."

"Tell me what? How did you find me?" Kallie asked quickly, her voice shaking slightly. I grabbed her arm as she started to walk toward him.

"It's a small town. All I had to do is ask the first person I saw," he said with a hollow laugh. "Kallie, your father had a heart attack."

"Oh!" Her hands came to cover her mouth and her eyes went wide. I rubbed my hands up and down her arms while I glared at Josh for upsetting her. "Is he... what...?"

"He's in the hospital for now. He's okay, but he's not in the clear yet. You should go home. Your mother and the business need you."

I looked down into Kallie's face. She looked up at me with watery eyes. I could see the fear and questions in them. Fear, sadness, anger, and hurt washed over her pretty features. Her whole body vibrated in my hands and her breath was coming in little, short bursts.

"You should go," I growled, not looking at him when I said it.

"Not without her," he argued.

I turned and glared at him with warning. Scarlett came over and took Kallie by the shoulders, allowing me to remove this guy. He slowly backed away from the doorway and I stalked towards him.

"She needs to go home. You need to let her," he demanded.

"She will do whatever the fuck she wants. You are not going to come in here and take her away if she doesn't want to go," I told him in a low and threatening voice. "Now leave. I'll take care of her."

He turned and walked down the stairs, and I followed to make sure he left. "You don't even know her. You're not right for her. You are just the first thing to come along when she was looking for something to fill in a hole," he said without turning around.

"Fuck you," I yelled. "You don't know anything about her, or me, so shut the fuck up and leave."

With that, he got into his expensive car and pulled out of the parking lot. I stood watching the car drive away with rage flowing through me. I clenched my fists and my chest rose and fell quickly. He was wrong. He knew nothing. I took a deep breath to calm myself before going back to Kallie.

I ran up the stairs, taking two at a time. I shoved through the door and saw Kallie sitting on the couch, holding my sister's hand. She gave me a weak smile when she saw me, and I could tell she had cried while I was gone.

"You okay, baby?" I asked as I knelt in front of her.

"Yes. I should call my mom, though," she said solemnly. She sighed as she got up, went to the counter, and grabbed her phone. She held the button and the light from the screen lit up her face as she slipped out the door and down the steps.

"Shit," my sister and I said at the same time.

"She should go see him," she told me gently.

"I know," I agreed reluctantly. I ran my fingers through my hair and anxiously waited for the phone call to end.

After a while, Kallie came back in and came back to the couch. She pulled her knees up to her chest and leaned into me. I wrapped my arm around her to pull her closer. I wanted to take away the scared and miserable look written all over her face. I ran my fingers through her hair and kissed the top of her head.

"Come on," I said as I unwrapped myself from her.

"Where?" she asked.

"Hank's."

She stared at me for a second before nodding slowly. I pulled her up from the couch and kissed her gently on the lips. Scarlett snuck away, mumbling about meeting us there later. Kallie gave me a small smile and we headed out of the apartment. I passed up my truck, not even wanting to think about driving home from the bar.

We walked in comfortable silence to Hank's. I let Kallie be alone in her head for a while. I knew she was running through every possible scenario and option, looking for the best outcome. I opened the door for her and sat her at a small table by the dartboard. I walked to the bar and ordered myself a beer, her a mojito, and each a burger.

When I placed the glass in front of Kallie, she grinned up at me. "These are now my favorite. I have you to thank for that," she said. Her smile was real now, and I could see the tension ease out of her muscles a little more.

"What were you thinking by ordering Scotch anyway?" I scoffed.

"I don't know," she laughed. "I had never really been at a bar and that's what popped out of my mouth."

"Well, that explains your skills at darts. You were terrible." She laughed fully now and Hank set down our baskets with burgers and fries. "So, how did your call go with your mom?"

"My father had a mild heart attack about a month ago, then had another one about two weeks ago. They are keeping him for a while, worried about clotting and chances of a stroke."

We sat quietly and ate our burgers. Kallie watched the guys playing pool in the corner. I doubted that Scarlett would actually be meeting us. I think she knew we needed some time.

"You should go see him," I told her. I hated saying the words, but I had to. For her.

"I know, I should," she said, sounding defeated. "I don't want to leave though."

"Kallie, I have a terrible relationship with my parents. There are times I wish I didn't. I don't want you to stay and one day end up feeling like that. There is absolutely nothing worse than feeling like you could change the past and knowing you never could."

"What happened with you and your parents?" she asked me. I wanted to tell her nothing. I wanted to lie and talk about something else. I knew if I wanted her to understand, I had to tell her the truth.

"When we were kids, Scarlett stayed after school for a cheerleading tryout," I started. Kallie's eyes went wide and I laughed. "I know, right? She was a little more preppy in middle school. Anyway, my dad was supposed to pick me up from school. He was late, and I waited forever for him. It probably wasn't that long, but it felt like it."

I stopped and took a sip of my beer before continuing. "So, I started to walk home. I was going through the back parking lot and I saw his car parked. I was so relieved and thought he must have been waiting for me back there all along rather than out front. I started running to the car and that's when I saw why he was really late."

"What?" Kallie asked softly.

"He was in the backseat with another woman. I later found out it was one of the science teachers at our school. I turned away from the car and ran home. I was so upset, seeing my father betraying our family like that. I ran straight to my mother and told her. She flipped out, understandably. They got in the biggest fight when he finally came home. I will never forget that. Scarlett and I huddled in her closet, listening to them scream and throw things. My dad left that day and never came back. My mom hated me for it."

"Oh, Ryder. I'm sure she didn't hate you," Kallie said, taking my hand from across the table.

"She did," I confirmed. "I became the focus of all her anger from that day on. At first, I didn't mind. I thought if it was helping her feel better, then I could deal with getting yelled at all the time. She was always so angry, snapping for the stupidest things. Then I realized she blamed me."

"It wasn't your fault."

"The affair wasn't," I agreed. "But if I never told her, she wouldn't have had to leave him. I think she would rather stick her head in the sand and pretend it wasn't happening. I made her acknowledge it and do something about it. So, I spent everyday tiptoeing around her, trying not to set her off. I tried to make her happy again."

Kallie was silent for a while as she picked at her fries. I never told anyone about that. Scarlett knew because she lived it with me. I just needed Kallie to understand that burning her bridges would hurt later in life. I couldn't handle the blame of breaking up another relationship. She believed I didn't destroy everything I touched, so I was going to try to live up to that. For her.

"Will you come with me?" she asked, looking at me with hopeful eyes.

"Baby, I would love to," I told her. "But you should do this on your own. My presence would only complicate things more. You know that." My heart broke telling her no.

Her shoulders sunk with defeat. I didn't know if Josh told her family where she was or that she was with the man responsible for killing their golden boy. If he did, I would never be welcome. If he didn't, I probably still wouldn't be welcome. I would be the stranger, covered in leather and tattoos, that stole their little girl and turned her into a rebel.

"I don't want to leave you, Ryder," she forced out.

"Hey," I said, grabbing her seat and sliding it over to me. "I'll be right here. I'm not going anywhere. I will wait for you while you go and do what you need to do." She nodded and rested her head on my shoulder. "I know you want to, Princess. You're too good to say no and not go help them when they need you."

"You're right," she relented. "I just feel like someone different here. I'm twenty-two years old. I should be going out to bars, dancing, going to bonfires, and falling in love. I don't want to think about school or running a business yet."

"You don't have to change," I told her.

"I know, but certain things are expected of me at home. I never knew any better before I came here. You screwed me up," she joked, lightning the mood slightly.

"Baby, I'm happy to screw you anytime," I whispered into her ear, and I felt her shiver.

She laughed and looked up at me. Her eyes were glazed over with unshed tears, but her smile was genuine. I kissed her softly, running my tongue across her lips. She moaned and pushed into me, opening her mouth for me. I tasted inside her mouth quickly before pulling away. She glared back at me.

I stood, holding my hand out for her. "Come on, darling. You can't start that here. Darts?"

She agreed and we played darts like we did the first night we met. Hank kept us supplied with the alcohol and gave me knowing smiles each time he visited the table. When she disappeared to go the bathroom, Hank came back and put a hand on my shoulder.

"You've been tamed." It wasn't a question, it was an observation. "Be good to her," he warned me before heading back to the bar.

Kallie came bouncing back to me with Scarlett attached to her arm. My sister eyed me with question, and I nodded, telling her it was okay. She smiled and I knew she was proud of me for doing the right thing. It's times like these I love being able to read her like a book. We barely need to speak about the hard stuff; we talk without words.

"Okay!" Kallie slurred. "It's my turn." She closed one eye and threw the dart straight ahead. We all laughed as it bounced off the wall below and fell to the ground. "I suck."

I watched as she tried again and again. She laughed with us as we made fun of her pitiful attempts. I remembered watching her the first night I met her. The look of determination on her face intrigued me. She wanted so badly to get it right. I never wanted anything that badly, and I was fascinated watching her.

She cheered spun around quickly after a dart stuck into the board. I caught her right before she fell over. I saw Scarlett holding back a laugh as she stood directly behind where Kallie was standing. She put her fingers to her lips and I noticed the darts in her hands. She threw the dart, not Kallie.

I winked at her and realized it was time to get home. I wrapped my arms around both my girls and escorted them out of Hank's. I looked back once more as we walked home, looking back at the place where it all began.

## CHAPTER TWENTY-EIGHT

##

**_Kallie_**

"You have everything?" Ryder asked me, eyeing the duffle bag I borrowed from Scarlett.

"I think so," I answered with a strange sense of deja vu washing over me. I swallowed and tried to force down the dread.

"Hey," Ryder said softly as he tilted my chin so I would look up at him. "Don't be sad."

"I'll miss you," I choked out.

His chocolate eyes softened and he smiled. "Well, you have this really fancy invention. It's called a phone. You see, I have your number, and you have mine. We can do this really cool thing called texting and calling," he said with fake enthusiasm, and I laughed at him. He shoved my phone in my hands and closed my fingers around it.

"You're right. I'll text you all the time. And as soon as my dad is up and ready, I'm coming back," I told him.

"Moment?" Scarlett asked from behind me.

"Of course," I said, rushing to her and wrapping my arms around her. "I'll miss you more," I whispered in her ear.

"Sure you will," she laughed as she pulled away and went into her bedroom. "I wanted you to have this."

She handed me a large, black wooden frame. I looked at the framed canvas and saw her painting that inspired my tattoo. The watercolor feather meant so much to me. It meant everything to me. I teared up and held the picture against my chest. "I really hate this," I whimpered.

"I know, babe," she said with a sad smile. "You need this, though. Go home, regroup, and help your dad. We aren't going anywhere. Plus, you need to find out who you are and what you want from life."

"What do you mean?" I asked, confused.

"You lost yourself when your boyfriend died, Kallie. You need to learn your way by yourself. I love my brother, and I love him with you. I really do. But, I think that you should stand on your own without him, too. Don't make the same mistake."

I nodded, barely taking in what she was saying. All I knew now was how bad it hurt to leave him. I hugged her again and went back out to the living room. Ryder was waiting by the door for me, holding my bag. He walked me down to my car and tossed the bag into the backseat before pulling me into a hug. I ran my hands along the muscles in his back and inhaled his scent, committing it to memory. I fought back the tears and pulled away. He grabbed my face and kissed me.

The kiss was full of promise, love, and fear. It was a torturous mixture of the feelings raging around inside both of us. I kissed him back with conviction. We would make it through this. We could stay in touch, and soon I would be back in his arms. When I tasted my silent tears in the kiss, I broke away.

"This sucks," I sniffled.

He wiped the tears off my cheeks. "I know, Princess. This is something you need to do. You can't abandon your family. Not for me. I would never forgive myself, and I have enough of that to do already." He kissed my forehead. "I love you."

"I love you, too."

"I made sure your tires have plenty of air and gave it an oil change. Drive carefully," he insisted.

"Yes, sir. Thank you," I stood up on my tiptoes and kissed him one last time before climbing behind the wheel and starting the car.

I was slightly disappointed when it started right up. I was secretly hoping it would die and I would be stuck here. I pulled out my phone and shot out a quick text to my mother that I was on the way. Her anger started to subside when I finally called her. She was just relieved to finally hear from me and knowing that I was going to come home.

I waved and drove out of the parking lot, keeping Ryder in my rearview mirror as long as possible. I made the turn at the only stop light and drove down the now familiar roads. I stopped when I came up to the tree. I whispered a "goodbye" and an "I love you" before I pulled away again.

After a few hours, I pulled off the highway and stopped at a Starbucks. The drive seemed longer than it did on the way down here. Probably because I didn't want to leave this time. I sat back down in my car, inhaling the heavenly scent of coffee. I leaned my head back and enjoyed the rest. I pulled out my phone and smiled when I saw his name on the screen.

**_I love you. - R_**

**_I love you too_ **I sent back. I let out a deep breath before I reluctantly started my journey again.

I could do this, I told myself. I would go home, make my parents happy, and then I would be free to do as I wanted. Scarlett's words ran through my mind again. She told me to figure out who I was and what I wanted in my life. She wanted me to do it on my own and not for Ryder, like I had with Carter.

I pulled up in the driveway just before the sun started to set. I got out of the car, stretched and then shivered in the cool air. Fall was coming and the nights were getting cooler. I took my time gathering my things, enjoying the cast of light as the day started turning into dusk.

**_I'm home. I miss you_** I texted Ryder.

**_Good. I miss you too. Call me when you can so I can hear your sweet voice again. - R_**

This was always my favorite time of day. When the sun wasn't so bright and the sky would turn purple, grays and deeper blues. The air would cool and it would feel like the world around you was starting to settle. I took a deep breath and walked in the front door.

"Kallie?" my mother called anxiously.

"Yes, mother," I answered.

She flew around the corner and slid into me on the hardwood floors, pulling me tightly against her. I smiled and hugged her back, taking in the familiar scent of home. She pulled away and her eyes were glistening. "I'm so glad you're home, baby."

"Me too," I lied as I put my bag down.

"This is beautiful," she gasped as she took the framed painting from my full hands.

"Yes. A friend made it for me," I told her.

She smiled at me and set it gently down on the table in the entryway. I followed her back to the kitchen and was shocked at the lack of interrogation I was getting. She grabbed a bottle of wine and placed it on the table with an already half-drank glass. She poured another glass and slid it over to me as I sat down.

"I'm not going to yell at you. I'm not going to lecture you or press you for information. I just want to know, are you okay?" she asked me with a worried voice.

"Yes, I'm fine. I'm good actually," I assured her and took a sip of the wine. "I'm sorry I did that to you guys. It wasn't right of me. I'm so sorry."

"It's okay, baby. We are just glad you're home," she said gently. I looked at my mother and saw a different woman before me. She was worried and slightly out of place. She wore bags under her eyes and her skin looked pale. She was never less than perfect and wasn't usually a very warm person. She reminded me of the mom I knew before the business took off and we became "higher class".

"Do you think that's why...?" I stopped, unable to ask if I was the reason my father had a heart attack.

'Oh, no," she said quickly. "Your dad isn't as young as he used to be. He took on too much at once. He rushed the opening of the store in Tower City and the stress became too much for him. Plus, he wouldn't listen to doctor's advice and stay on the medication and diet they suggested."

"Oh," I breathed out. I was glad she didn't blame me, but I wasn't sure I didn't blame myself yet. "The store is open in Tower City already? I thought that was next summer?"

"Well, it was, but your father had an opportunity to add another designer to the shelves, but they wanted a company with more reputation. So, he rushed the project and opened the store. He did land the account, though."

I yawned and rubbed my sore shoulders. "I'm gonna go up to bed and shower. Want to go with me to see dad in the morning?" I asked her as I stood.

"Sure, babe. Now, go rest. I'm sure you're exhausted."

I gave her a kiss on the cheek and took my things up to my bedroom. The room was exactly how I left it. My makeup, which I had been putting on the morning of the party, was still out on my vanity. The clothes I slept in were on the floor and my bed was unmade, which was not typical for the old me. I dropped on my bed and pulled out my phone.

Ryder answered on the first ring. I smiled hearing his voice. It was deep and comforting. I told him about my mother's strange behavior when I got home. He seemed glad she wasn't hard on me. I knew he had so much guilt eating away at him. I told Ryder about the odd things I saw on my drive home, and he told me about Scarlett sulking around the house.

"I miss you," I said into the phone, growing sleepy.

"I miss you, too. I love you. You should get some sleep, baby. I'll talk to you tomorrow."

"Okay. I love you, too. Good night," I said before I hit end.

I wondered how he would be when he woke up in the night from the memories, and I wasn't there to hold him. I ran my fingers along the bracelets on my arm. The polished gold, adorned with sparkling charms, and the rough, raw metal of the clamp I fashioned into jewelry. One night, I tore a piece of denim from a ratty pair of jeans that Ryder only wore when they rode the four-wheelers. I wove it between the slots on the clamp, adding more color and character.

Now, the hose clamp reminded me of Ryder and everything we went through together. It sat next to the charm bracelet that reminded me of Carter and everything we had. Both were big pieces of my heart, and I was forever changed because of the both of them.

The next morning, I dressed and ate a quick breakfast with my mom before heading to the Cleveland Clinic to see my dad. We got our visitors badges and made our way to the cardiac wing of the hospital. I paused just outside the private room he had. I wrung my hands as my mom gave me a reassuring smile. I had no idea why she was being so understanding, but my hopes were low that my dad would be so kind.

I followed her into the room, where my dad sat propped up in a hospital bed, talking to a young man taking notes. He stopped and brightened, seeing my mother float into the room and wrap her arms around him.

"Kallie," he said, sounding almost shocked.

"Hey, Daddy," I waved as I came to his side. "How you feeling?"

"I'm fine," he said, patting my hand. "I'm ready to get out here, actually."

"Dear, you will go home when the doctor says you are ready," my mother scolded him. He rolled his eyes at her, and I had a feeling this wasn't the first time they had this conversation.

Finally, the young man in the seat next to the bed stood and cleared his throat. He was tall with blonde hair and wore a nice suit. He looked too young to be one of my father's trusted assistants, but then again, I have been gone for a whole summer. He closed his leather binder and tucked the pen inside his jacket. "If that will be all, sir, I will leave you to be with your family," he said, all too politely.

"Oh, Kallie, this is Ivan Ward, my assistant," my father introduced, motioning to the man. "Ivan, this is my daughter, Kallie."

He stuck out his hand to me and smiled. "Nice to meet you. I've heard so much about you," he said as he shook my head. Typical thing to say.

"Thank you. Nice to meet you, too," I replied as nicely as I could.

Ivan nodded to my father and left the room while my mother nagged about how much my dad ate for breakfast. I sat in the chair while he complained that he wanted bacon and eggs, not the crap they fed him here. I ignored them while I texted Ryder.

"Kallie," he said, grabbing my attention. "I'm glad you're home."

"Me too," I smiled back at his warm face. I ignored the guilt I felt for not wanting to actually be here.

"Honey, I need your help at the downtown branch while I recover. Ivan is managing both branches right now, but the new store needs more attention. Can you do that?" he asked, his face daring me to say no.

"Of course," I relented. This is why I came home, wasn't it? To help the family business. To do as everyone needs or wants me to.

"Great," he beamed. "I can have Ivan deliver some materials you will need to look over. We have some new lines, new designers, and such. I can have him get you all the financials, too."

I suddenly felt overwhelmed. This was the moment I was trained for all my life. I had expensive schooling, every summer and weekend spent behind the counters, and constant talk about the store around the house, but I felt utterly over my head. I stared at him, wide eyed, while he ran through the employees and the new location.

"You listening?" he asked when I failed to respond after a while.

"Yes," I answered quickly. "Just a lot to take in."

"You'll do great," he affirmed. "It's just temporary, until I get sprung from here. Then I will pull some strings and get you back into Georgetown."

I just nodded. That was a battle for another day. I could only focus on one thing right now in order to stay sane. I just had to make it through this obstacle, keep the store afloat, and then I could work on the next step. I played with my bracelet while he made a phone call and instructed Ivan to deliver some things to the house for me.

We made small talk until his lunch arrived. He never once asked where I was or what I was doing. I could tell several times, whenever there was a lull in conversation, he wanted to ask. His face went tense, but he kept his mouth tightly snapped shut. I even saw a few warning glares my mom shot his way.

I let out a huge breath when I came out the glass doors of the hospital. We walked back to our car in the parking garage and my mom drove us home. I texted Ryder all the way back, telling him my dad didn't yell at me. I told him I was to start managing the downtown branch.

**_You will do amazing bc u r amazing - R_**

**_I'm nervous :(_**

**_Don't. U will kick ass. I love u - R_**

**_Love you too. Miss you_** **. **

Later that evening, Ivan showed up with a large box of files for me. He briefly went over the employees with me, the layout of the merchandise, and some of the rules of the mall. I tried to focus and soak in all the information he was giving me. My mind just wandered to Ryder and how much I wanted to be with him. I was just starting to learn a different side of him, a sweeter and softer side, and wasn't ready to be away from that yet.

I knew now, from my time with him, that I didn't want to do this anymore. I didn't want to spend the rest of my life in a fancy store, selling overpriced and cookie-cutter diamonds to snotty and rude people. I missed the diner. I missed my regulars and the atmosphere. I missed watching Ryder work on a car and Scarlett doodle in her room.

I didn't want to return to school for business. I wanted to have fun in my college years, like other girls my age did. I wanted to live in a dorm, go to parties, and dance. I realized in the few months I spent away from home, how much I was missing out in life.

"Kallie?" Ivan asked.

"What? I'm sorry," I apologized. "It's been a long day."

He studied my face for a moment before sighing. "Look, I know this probably doesn't sound like much fun for you, but I'll be here for you. I will still be at the store in Cleveland almost everyday. You won't be completely on your own with this."

"Thank you," I said to be polite. It didn't really make me feel any better.

The next morning, I parked in a parking garage in Tower City and made my way up the escalators to the lobby of the mall. I quickly spotted our sign on the second floor. I used the keys Ivan gave me and lifted the gate up to unlock our door. The scent of Windex assaulted me as soon as I stepped in. It was a familiar smell, reminding me that I've done this for years.

I sipped my coffee and went about opening the store. I started up the computers and turned on the case lights. I took some time to inspect the new jewelry we had on display. Tasteful. Elegant. Boring. The employees greeted me as they arrived for the day. Most seemed nice, but I'm the boss's daughter. That was something I was always burdened with. You never knew who really liked you, or who was fake.

The days flew by and I soon fell into a familiar routine, acting almost on instinct. I sold thousands of dollars worth of jewels to old rich men. I watched couples come and go, not being able to afford the engagement ring the woman wants. When the store was closing, I almost didn't realize I was there for twelve hours. It was like riding a bike, I thought.

## CHAPTER TWENTY-NINE

##

**_Kallie_**

Weeks went by the same. Hundreds, if not thousands, of minutes spent on the phone. Thousands of text messages and hundreds of pictures sent back and forth. I missed him with everything in my body. I fantasized about just leaving, getting in my car, leaving the store behind, and driving back to him. He insisted I needed to finish up here. He wouldn't be responsible for me bailing.

My dad was finally released from the hospital a couple weeks after I came home. He wasn't well enough to put in the hours, so I was still needed. After a month, they rented me a loft apartment downtown. It was closer to the store and I could have some "independence", as my dad claimed. I think it was their way of making it up to me for forcing me do this for them.

My dad ran the branch in Chardon, close to home, and I ran the Cleveland branch. Ivan floated between the two, going wherever he was needed. I never had down time. I worked all day and spent most of my nights catching up on stuff that didn't get done while I was there during the day. I kept thinking that if I got enough done, I wouldn't be needed anymore. My office in my apartment became a second addition to the business.

The days got busier and shorter as winter came. Christmas season almost killed me, with extended hours and the holiday shoppers coming in mobs. I walked out the night before Christmas Eve, admiring the decorations in the building. Garland and lights hung over the balconies. Christmas music played loudly over the speakers as I passed the tallest decorated tree I had ever seen.

I made the short walk to my apartment, admiring the city lit up along the way. I shivered as I entered my apartment. I kicked off my snowy boots and hung up my coat and scarf by the door. I put on water to boil and went to my bedroom to change. After getting into something warm and comfortable, I poured some tea and sat on the couch, ready to go over the estimated quarter earnings.

I missed Ryder immensely. My calls were getting shorter and shorter to him, and the texts were becoming scarce. I dialed his number, knowing it was too late for him to answer. After leaving him a short voicemail, I tossed my phone to the glass coffee table. I walked to the tall windows and looked out over the city and the coast of the lake.

I wondered when I would be released from my chains. I thought of my tattoo and the birds gaining their freedom. There was a time when I realized I was those birds. I thought I was breaking free, free to fly and come into my own.

I went backwards, though. I regretted it everyday that I came home. I felt lonely and overwhelmed every second. I wanted to come home at night and curl up to Ryder. I wanted his arms to hold me and tell me everything would be okay. Instead, I come home and worked only to get up and work again the next day.

I wanted to laugh again. I couldn't remember the last time I did. I was twenty-two years old. I shouldn't be sitting alone in my apartment looking over spreadsheets. I should be at a bar with friends. I should be making out with my boyfriend, not missing the rare phone calls. I became everything my family wanted me to be. Even without Carter, I had a path built for me and I was forced to follow it. This time, I walked the path alone.

When spring time came, the world around me woke up and defrosted. The flowers began to bloom and the fresh smell in the air reminded me of growth and new beginnings. I walked down the stairs of my parents home and started my new car, a car I knew would make the journey I needed to make.

I looked at the text I received this morning. It was the text that became the last straw and I broke. I had to go back. My life became everything I was once running from, and I didn't even see it happening. I pressed the start button on the dash and pulled out of the driveway. I looked back once to see my mother watching from the doorway.

It had been almost six months since I had been back there. A place I once though of as home was now nothing more that a place I once visited. I found love there and then left it behind. I hadn't seen Ryder in person since the day I pulled away from his parking lot. Would it be too late? Did he wait for me or did my lack of communication push him away? Would he still love me?

Sometimes, something jolts you out of everything you have ever known and it isn't possible to go back to the way things were. I had been jolted, thrown around, and shook up. It was time I picked up the pieces and put them back together.

**_Acknowledgments_**

_Thank you for taking time to read Jolted. If you enjoyed it, please consider telling your friends or posting a short review. Word of mouth is an author's best friend and much appreciated. _

I would like to start off by thanking my family for always believing I could do anything.

Thank you to my husband for cooking, cleaning, and listening to me ramble about imaginary people and hypothetical events. You have no idea how much I appreciate that you listen (or pretend to) as I babble on and on. You have been patient, supportive, and understanding. For that, I think I'll keep you around. Thank you also for your knowledge on cars so I didn't sound like an idiot.

Huge hugs to Bedroom Bookworms, Megan and Trish. Thank you for your time and taking a chance on me when no else did. Megan, I love you for your LONG emails and notes with this story. :) I enjoyed discussing my characters and story with you. Without you, Ryder and Kallie would be having unprotected sex!

I need to thank the absolute best beta readers in the world. Cassie, Megan, Missy, Ashley, and Kat. Each of you added something to this book and made it better. I have no doubt this would be crap without you all! Make sure you keep hassling me for book two... I need it. Thank you to Taylor at T.K. Editing. You are amazing!
Alyne lives in Ohio with her husband, two dogs and cat. Working full time in an office all day, she spends her nights reading, writing or watching an entire TV series in a night. She refuses to grow up and loves Disney movies and anything with owls. She couldn't live without her coffee or her furry "children".

Alyne wrote her first novel titled "Light to the Darkness" in 2014, followed by the Conflicted Encounters Series.

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**Books By Alyne Roberts: **

Light to the Darkness

Memorized

Atlas

Vivid Lies

_Conflicted Encounters Series_ :

Jolted

Impacted

Shaken
