Hello and welcome to News Report with me Hayden
Cohen. Apologies that it has been a seeming
eternity since the last episode. I've been
busy getting a new job and moving to a life
of poverty and obscurity in London.
Since last time, Stalin, I mean Putin, has
annexed the Crimea in a move absolutely nothing
like Hitler's expansion into the Sudetenland
of Czechoslovakia in 1938. It would be diplomatically
unwise for me to say that Putin, sorry Stalin,
actually I mean Putin, has increased Nationalistic
feeling by allowing literal gay bashing so
that he can start land grabbing and expanding
the motherland whilst simultaneously being
democratically elected in 1999 and since cementing
his control through dummy elections and been
the puppeteer of a rather bad puppet show.
Nope. Definitely nothing like Hitler or Stalin.
To clarify, I am in NO WAY saying that Putin
is a dictator. According to International
Law that would be incorrect. We'll forget
about the fact that Russia would be able to
veto any such motion in the UN. That's irrelevant.
International Law is perfect. Hmmm.
In other anti-democractic news Scotland is
still part of the United Kingdom. Woooo. (Play
'We are Family'). Wait. What's this? Even
though he's stepped down as leader of the
SNP, Alex Salmond says that Scotland could
declare independence without a referendum.
Could we be having a coup? Is Alex Salmond
going to straddle a horse topless whilst wearing
a meatloaf wig screaming 'You will never take
our freedom.' Apologies for that accent. Or
maybe there'll be a deathmatch between him
and Cameron. Winner takes all. That's a pay
per view I'd pay to watch.
I'm very happy to announce that even though
David Cameron and Teresa May want to scrap
human rights so they can let people die in
the streets, torture people in war torn countries
and stop the poor from speaking (unfortunately
that's far closer to the truth than it should
be) they've been forced, due to ironically
a change in EU legislation, to allow the use
of copyrighted material to parody anything
and anyone.
So with that, now that Nick Griffin, has been
kicked out of BNP as he disgraced the white
supremacist party for saying "I prefer dark
chocolate to white, it just tastes better",
I leave you with the music of Rucka Rucka
All over a picture of Nick.
Until next time, keep sane people of Britain.
