>>SHOT GUN!
>>I CALLED IT FIRST!
I GET SHOTGUN.
>>NO.
WAIT, YOU’RE STILL ON THE SIDEWALK.
YOU HAVE TO BE ON THE SAME SURFACE AS THE
CAR.
>>NO, THAT’S NOT THE RULE.
YOU JUST HAVE TO BE IN LINE OF SIGHT OF THE
CAR,
WHICH I WAS.
>>FINE, SHOTGUN NO BATTLE!
>>SHOTGUN!
NO BATTLE NO CONTEST!
>>SHOTGUN NO BATTLE, NO CONTEST,
SHOTGUN COURT.
>>SHOTGUN COURT, WHAT’S SHOTGUN COURT?
>>HELLO MS.
CALL.
>>WAIT, WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
>>I AM YOUR ATTORNEY.
>>HI.
>>OYE, OYE, OYE!
ALL RISE FOR THE HONORABLE JUDGE EVERTON.
>>YOU MAY BE SEATED.
>>UM, YOUR HONOR ACCORDING TO THE DIBS AND
REGULARIZATION ACT OF 1996, A PARTY LIKE STANDING
TO CALL
SHOTGUN UNLESS THEY’RE ON THE SAME SURFACE
OF THE VEHICLE
AS WAS MY CLIENT IN THIS CASE.
>>WHILE TRUE YOUR HONOR, THE AWKWARDNESS AMENDMENT
OF 2002 PROVIDES AN EXCEPTION REQUIRING THAT
ALL MEMBERS OF
AN AWKWARD LOVE TRIANGLE BE SEATED TOGETHER
IN THE BACKSEAT.
>>AND IS THERE SUCH A LOVE TRIANGLE HERE COUNSELOR?
>>I CALL MATT, NATALIE, AND WHITNEY TO THE
STAND.
>>OH NO.
>>PLACE YOUR HANDS ON YOUR IPHONES.
DO YOU SOLEMNLY SWEAR TO GIVE THE PROCESS
OF DECIDING
WHO RIDES SHOTGUN AND IRRATIONAL AMOUNT OF
ATTENTION AND SOCIAL SETTINGS?
>>I DO.
>>SERIOUSLY, WHAT’S HAPPENING?
>>WHITNEY.
YOU HAVE FEELINGS FOR MATT, DON’T YOU?
>>UH...
>>THAT’S A YES.
>>I DIDN’T SAY YES.
>>LET THE RECORD SHOW THAT MS.
CALL DID NOT SAY YES,
BUT WE ALL KNOW SHE IS CRUSHING ON MATT HARD.
>>MHM.
AND NATALIE, YOU LIKE MATT TOO CORRECT?
>>WELL-- >>JINX.
>>YOUR WITNESSED IS JINXED AND CAN NO LONGER
TESTIFY.
>>UH, DANG IT.
NO, WAIT.
I HAVE A COKE.
>>IT DOESN’T MATTER ADAM.
NO LOVE TRIANGLE EXISTS HERE AND EVEN IF IT
DID,
YOU WOULDN’T HEAR IT FROM ME.
>>MATT YOU HAVE FEELINGS FOR NATALIE AND WHITNEY,
DON’T YOU?
>>NO!
DANG IT.
[GAVEL BANGING] >>I’VE SEEN ENOUGH.
AWKWARDNESS AMENDMENT APPLIES.
THE THREE OF YOU MUST SIT IN THE BACKSEAT
TOGETHER AND FEEL
UNCOMFORTABLE AS YOU TRY AND GET ALL THE SEATBELTS
BUCKLED.
NOW COUNSELOR, AT THIS POINT IT LOOKS LIKE
NO
ONE WILL HAVE THE FRONT SEAT.
>>NORMALLY, YES YOUR HONOR, BUT I WOULD LIKE
TO SUBMIT
EVIDENCE THAT LAST THURSDAY WHITNEY FORWARDED
AN EMAIL TO
ALL OF HER FRIENDS PROMISING HER GOOD LUCK
FOR A WHOLE WEEK.
>>IT MIGHT BE ENOUGH-- >>AND MATT DECLINED
TO
FORWARD THE VERY SAME EMAIL!
[GASP] >>YOU ARE A MENACE TO SOCIETY!
>>OKAY, UM, YOUR HONOR WHILE MY CLIENT WAS
THE WEAK LINK
IN LAST WEEK’S CHAIN LETTER, THAT IS NO
GROUNDS
FOR CONVICTION.
AND AT 11:11 LAST NIGHT HE MADE A WISH TO
RIDE
SHOTGUN IN JASON’S CAR TODAY.
>>THAT IS THE LAMEST WISH EVER, BUT YES.
>>AND BY SAYING IT OUT LOUD YOU HAVE MADE
IT NULL AND VOID.
>>IF THERE ARE NO FURTHER ARGUMENTS--
>>WAIT!
MY CLIENT DEMANDS A VERDICT BY GAME OF MASH!
[GASP] >>NO ONE HAS INVOKED THAT
RIGHT SINCE THE EARLY 90’S, BUT IF YOU INSIST.
M-A--- >>AH!
SLUG BUG YELLOW!
>>FRONT SEAT TO WHITNEY!
[GAVEL BANGING] >>NO!
