

Paul Walker

My View From Here

Channeled by Kimberly M. Quezada

Copyright © 2018 by Kimberly M. Quezada

License Notes

This eBook is licensed for your personal enjoyment only. All rights reserved. This eBook or any portion thereof may not be reproduced or used in any manner whatsoever without the express written permission of the publisher except for the use of brief quotations in a book review.

Printed in Canada

First printing, 2018

ISBN 9781775361619

Kimberly M. Quezada

Edmonton, Alberta

Canada

www.cominghome2spirit.wixsite.com/home

A Ghost Writes a Book

Everything has changed and yet, I am more me than I've ever been. – Iain Thomas

So, this book isn't meant to be a tell all about my life; living life. You need that, you'll need to talk to those who know me best or read whatever's been written...probably better to talk to someone. To talk about my life as it was...that's not my goal although I'll probably touch on it a little bit to build a base camp. My goal is to share how I look at that life now and what I learned from that experience. I want to share it from that bird's eye view and maybe a feeling of reminiscing every once in a while.

The words written might make a person doubt. It might make a person shake their head, but if I could give just one person an idea or a sense of how I see things from this angle and they can take something from it...the point of this book has been well taken.

Now, with my co-pilot and I secure in our seats...let's take a ride.

Family

"OHANA means family. Family means nobody gets left behind or forgotten." – Lilo & Stitch, Walt Disney Studios

When I look back at the life that I lived, there's not one word that I could summarize it with. How could I? Even if I had no clue at the time, at the end of it, I realized how well taken care of I was. I want everyone to know how well taken care of they are even if they have trouble seeing that. I couldn't be a loner. I needed to surround myself with people. I needed people. I needed to make people laugh and I needed people that could make me laugh.

Laughter. One of the things that people take for granted. When you laugh, everything just shakes right off. So to open, I guess surround yourself with people that make you laugh because it makes all the difference. Don't surround yourself with people that need the drama or the fight. Some people get off on that but the first thing that I guess I could...impart to you is to surround yourself with people that make you laugh.

Another word that I could use to summarize how my life went would be timing. Timing was everything even when I had no clue that it was working for my benefit. Looking back, I could see how it was everywhere. Did I understand that timing was in my favor every day? No. But I think the key to timing is just allowing it. I would want something and I would sit and wonder just how it would happen but if a person constantly sits and wonders how something's going to happen, they'll keep sitting in that place of daydreaming. The first step is to make people aware about what you're wondering about and let it just sort of ripple from there. When you make connection; when you surround yourself with people that will work on your behalf, just because you're a likeable guy and you know how to respect those relationships, you got it and you have that support team to add to that timing to create life. People will always open doors for you because that's why people are put in your path and sometimes we don't understand why something's happening or the process of it but it doesn't matter. When you sit back and trust that you're well taken care of, the process just happens and the timing opens doors.

I think the moment I was born, I was aware of what happiness was. I think that having the family that I have, paved the way for me to be something. I wasn't raised with a silver spoon in my mouth. What I was raised with was an appreciation about what every day could give. I was raised with the fact that every day was a blessing and that if it didn't look that way, it would show itself. I just had to be patient.

I didn't have an idea about what I wanted to do with my life. My mom, she's the most beautiful woman and she put her life or her dreams on that backburner because she saw something, in me, which she personally started but felt I could finish. I acted. I had those gigs as a young kid and the opportunities of those opened windows that I wasn't exactly sure that I wanted. At the time...I guess you could consider me an old soul. I wasn't in it for any sort of fame. That whole famous thing was so foreign but my dad, you know, he instilled something in me that I think even surprised him. He told me once that it didn't matter what I did...it's what I would do with it. It stuck and I think I surprised a lot of people with that one piece of advice. I lived by that a lot but I didn't really get it until much older. When I was young, I just did what young kids did. I wanted to have fun. I wanted to be active. I wanted to show off a little on a surfboard in front of the girls and then later, I wanted to be with the girls. I was a young kid and like every kid, I didn't take life too seriously. But there came a point when I had to.

My brothers, Cody and Caleb, I mean, for years we were the dream team. Brothers...that word has such a definition for me but being here, I know how much strength that word has. I could be protective of them. I really could. So much so that I kept a stance in two worlds trying to keep them separate because I needed, for me, to keep that dream team, that brotherhood, sacred. That was my constant. That family unit was my constant and I could see how Hollywood or fame could have that potential to break that constant and keep a person separate from them (family) if you let it. I said no to that early on. I had a soft spot for Cody and I sort of took him under my wing. I never felt like I needed to prove anything to him because as a family, we were so close that nothing had to be proven, it was only loved. It was just what it was and I don't think a lot of families can say that it was just love between them. I think, with Cody, I just needed to show him how life was done. I think I just wanted to be an example of how far a person could go when you just want to do good but I also wanted to show him that with any sort of crazy fucked up life that's breezin' by...you have ultimate control of that and you direct that to where you want it to go...for you. With anyone, I think it's a great example but with Cody, the baby brother, I felt it especially.

I knew what it was like to have a best friend be a girl when I look at the relationship with my sisters. At the core of my relationship with my sisters was always...I mean, I could be an asshole of a brother. But when I looked at them, I could only see my mom and what an influence she had on me and my heart...they had that with me too. I didn't always respect relationships with women. I wasn't always the best guy to know. I could be young and stupid and not think about feelings. But the women in my life, that core family unit would always be that big reminder...especially when it was so obvious how a young girl's or a young woman's heart could be broken and take a lot to be healed.

My family...especially my brothers and sisters gave me a stability that I relied on to not fly off the handle. Yeah, I could be stupid. I could forget my head sometimes but that core of my life was what I went back to when I needed a reminder of what love really was. They were there when I needed a reminder about what was real and what was fake and I did need that reminder. I wasn't immune to being swept away on a current of fame. I was a young kid. We all had a little bit of acting or modelling under our belts, some more than others...some, maybe you could say, they wised up enough to know there was more out there but for some reason, the roles and the opportunities found me and I didn't really understand, at the time, why. Why was it me? I was stuck on what I really wanted to do with my life. I was grateful for the cash because I knew, when the time was right for me, I wanted to go to school. People I knew...I had a little jealousy because they could go to school because their parents could send them there. I wanted the school but I had to find out ways to pay for it and along the way things just kept happening...dropping into my lap. I had a lot of opportunities to get swept up in that and sometimes, I did. But that's when I would go home and experience the core...that calm in the storm that was my mom, my dad, Caleb, Cody, Amie, Ashlie (Ash)...that was my go-to place to experience the calm. All that outside noise was drowned out when I went home and reconnected with my roots, my values, with family. All that other stuff just didn't exist when I was in the presence of these people because to them, I was just Paul and to me, they were real life.

I really tried to self-sabotage myself a few times. I knew that I had the opportunity to be that star that everyone dreams about. I knew I had the opportunity to be in that world but the idea of that...there was no freedom for me there. I thought...I had the mentality that that wasn't a free life. That I would always be looped into some sort of fantasy world and my feet were hittin' the ground daily to try and maintain that stability. I liked the good times and I liked the parties but I didn't like fake. I didn't like pretend. I considered myself a pretty upfront and honest guy. I had to learn that but I still had a tendency to gravitate between being honest with myself or being honest with everyone around me and just doing something because it gave me a bit of extra cash. I needed the cash so what's wrong with playing pretend a little bit? It sat in my gut like a huge question mark of what am I doing? My heart wasn't in it. I felt like I was missing a big piece to some sort of puzzle that I was just handed but didn't especially feel drawn to. But time and again...Hollywood kept calling my name. I'd push it away, work some odd jobs then an opportunity would come my way and those dollar signs would convince me that it was my ticket to do what I really wanted to do. It was little stuff...stuff that I could do in a week or a month; a guest stint or a one episode thing. That was cool. That's the way it happened. I'd break, come back and break again. Have some fun, get serious, have some fun again. I don't think that I considered myself to be lost. I knew what my gut told me...I just didn't know how to get there and the acting, I mean, it was coming to a point where it was just too good to pass up.

And then I was going to be a dad. Shit just got real. Welcome Meadow Rain.

I have a lot of "one things" that I'll probably try to impart on the reader. So, when I say one thing I probably mean and another thing but the one thing that I realized about life...is that the most unexpected events or things that happen in someone's life are the ones that are most meant to be. Whatever takes you by surprise and pulls you in a direction that you never intended to go down or it wasn't a thought at that time...when it happens, it's that blueprint that builds on itself to create that personal core for you as you continue to live and experience the world around you. At some point in your life, you start making your own that is separate from the one you were living. That's becoming an adult. That's becoming an individual after all the lessons and experiences of your childhood. And it smacked me between the eyes like a two by four would. When I heard I was going to be a dad it was one of those cartoon scenarios where those anvils fall on a guy and they wake up with all those birds flying around the head. That was me. In all honesty, I didn't think it was real. I lived in a state of stunned for a while and I had trouble connecting, right away, with the idea of being a father. But, in saying that, it wasn't something that I could walk away from either. From the moment that I heard I was having a baby there was a connection that was created that I couldn't explain. Not even now. As fast as I can snap my fingers, a connection was made and it wasn't something that I was ever going to walk away from. Now, from the viewpoint I have now, I understand what was meant to be. I understand that the big and unexpected were actually always intended to be a gift even if it was in disguise. I heard I was going to be a dad and with that came the acceptance that even if I wasn't fully committed to acting, I was now because there was something way bigger that I was being committed to even if I couldn't wrap my head around it at first.

I think with any birth, it changes someone. It makes them consider one's actions and what could be done better and what could just be left behind. Having a kid brings with it the opportunity to see a world through the eyes of innocence and how we, as adults, have the opportunity to support that innocence. I was a very part time father. I had it made...I thought I did anyway. I would make a movie, take care of Meadow and then be off experiencing something as Paul. I mean, I literally had it all broken up into a way that was comfortable to me but at some point, I outgrew that and I craved that core. I craved that stability for me and that included the stability of my baby girl. Meadow was a teacher for me. She taught me how to be that unconditional force of love and forgiveness in a life but she also taught me how letting go and letting life could benefit a child as well. As she got older, that connection just grew into this thick cord and if I ever felt like I was on some sort of tipping point that cord that was my daughter, wrapped around me to protect me from any sort of fall I may have felt like I was experiencing. She also showed me how the world spins and did I like the direction the world was spinning in or was there something that I could do to make the world spin in a direction that would keep it beautiful so Meadow could experience the world how I did when I was young. I wanted to create a connection to the world for Meadow, that I had, through the experiences with my family as a child. I wanted to create a connection, for Meadow, to the biggest playground that she would ever be a part of. That gave me a different purpose. It gave me a purpose that trumped all that other stuff because with this...it was personal. That's when I started to think, what was I creating that is making a difference. What was I doing with the gifts I was given? What would I create that would be a legacy...something with meaning that people would know Paul was here. I was in a position to do that. I could have started something back when I needed some sort of direction but I believe that Meadow came to me at a time where I needed to take a direction and do something that was more fulfilling than being that Hollywood star.

Being a dad took all the questions out of the day to day and brought, to the forefront, that responsibility of being a human being and what I was teaching and imprinting on my daughter. I had a lot of balls to juggle and it wasn't always an easy place for me to be in. But every time I looked in the air at all these balls that I was juggling and every time I saw that view from the pedestal that I was on but didn't consider that I asked for, I went back to the core. I went back to what was it all for and I never got that until later. I think of it as later because I lived life by the seat of my pants. I was constantly going where the wind took me. I was always going places where there were the biggest waves. But now, just like my parents and my siblings gave me that core...I had one of my own and it's a place I constantly found myself going back to. My relationship with my daughter became one of learning. She taught me a lot of things; the most important being how to be a decent human being. She taught me a lot about what it means to be support but also to be supportive. When parents are willing to listen to their kid, there's a lot we can learn about ourselves and how we sometimes compensate or over compensate in situations where we really don't have to because if we trust in the job we're doing with our kids, we can see them blossom and we can see that if we let that cord slack a little, the kids will pull on that cord to bring us closer to them.

Meadow and I had an opportunity to live together for a while. That time spent with my baby girl was a gift in my life; to be that full time dad. It was an opportunity to build on that foundation of core values even though I didn't realize it was an opportunity of something that I would leave behind for her to continue in my supposed absence. She is my part two. Meadow and me...we ran that relay race together and I handed her the baton to take it all the way and she's killin' it. Meadow Rain is my proudest moment as a man. It was unexpected and it threw me a little but she was the best gift. She was my partner, a source of incredible strength, awe and an opportunity to see the world in a way that...we all share this place and when you leave a room, the idea or the hope is to leave it looking and feeling better than when you entered it in the first place. My daughter was me leaving a room better than when I found it.

In terms of family, I couldn't have had it any better. It was my beginning and because we lived and practiced and respected that family unit as much as we could on any given day, it was my platform and my starting point to open myself up to my life that had, with all my push/pull and reservations, the red carpet rolled out...for me.

Friends are Family

In the end, we will remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends. – Martin Luther King, Jr.

I firmly believe that the people that were in my life; that big circle that I was lucky enough to contribute all of me to, were handpicked by God to make me Paul and man...I'm pretty sure that I was on my best behavior in some other life or lives to be gifted with so much love from these people I could, in all honesty, call my friends. These people allowed me to see past the bad days, to understand that even in the worst mood or in an argument, that love and respect...it still existed and that every part of them was that high example of what I could grow to become. God gives examples of what is possible, in terms of what a human can do, through others. When I look at my life, every person I had that connection with, whether it was on those deeper levels or just as an acquaintance, I took a part of them with me. Looking back, the shape of my world was not only influenced by family of blood; of my parents and grandparents, but of the extension of that which were my friends. If we only measured family by blood type or DNA, we'd live in a pretty small space. But if we could open that up to each individual that we click with or that we find that camaraderie with...that just rounds it out. I never understood loners. I never understood that need or that desire to play life solo. That's not life. Life is a measurement of people, environments and experiences. I never understood the shy or the alone and I could never grasp the concept that that was a safer place to be and if I saw or witnessed someone like that...it kept me up at night because if someone chose to be a lone wolf in a world of packs...how is that better and how do you evolve in that? So, if I saw someone in that place, I had to know why. From the connections that I made, I learned something so important. Don't cut off connection. It's not braver to be alone. It's not stronger. It's not proving a point. It's running from some sort of belief that someone's out to get you or break your heart. I said once that overwhelmingly, people are good and there's more good people on this planet than bad people. I meant it and what I felt, when I said that, was that it's all based on intention and there's more good intention from people than bad because at the core of it, we just want to live in a really great place where people have our backs and they want the best for us just like we want the best for them. It's part of that karmic balance. So in my life as Paul, as a platform for experiencing the overwhelmingly good people out there...to the loners, what are you hiding from and are you willing to step out of what you know into the eyes of the good people that you're too scared to see or take a chance on?

The people in my life took a chance on me. What's not to say that for the lone wolf...someone's really willing to take a chance on you but that deal only comes if you're willing to step up to the plate to give that chance, to them, as well.

After I died, people would say and reminisce about stuff like, how much he did or what he did for me or how Paul fulfilled me. What I really want to get across was that, just as much as people assumed I did a lot for them...if I did, it was only because people gave a lot or did a lot for me. When I was there, skin and all, I could give a lot because I was given so much and it made my world spin in such a way that it was this karmic middle ground.

That thing that people talk about; that karma...it's a very real thing and it moves life and spins the earth but people have the wrong idea about it. It's never about pay back or this was done so people owe or that reap what you sow thing. That's thought. That's a bad attitude. Karma's different. Karma is this state of balance and what I need people to get is that karma was never intended as a weapon to pay back or to be used as a judgement call. No, man. Karma was and is intended to keep a balance. It's not checks and balances so everything's square in the eyes of some person that feels like they're owed. It's more to do with Universal Law and how that same law has some sort of say in a person's day to day but also their life to life. All lives co-exist together even though most of us remember only one. But they all exist together in this intricate mesh of highway systems and each intersects one, two or more. They say when a butterfly flaps its wings, a hurricane blows on the other side of the world. True but when a butterfly flaps its wings in one life, that balance...that karmic law is going to create a breeze in what you're living now to create a balance. Even the people you interact with in your daily life, no matter how big or how small, they're there with you as different bodies and faces in other lives as well. And that same butterfly effect is happening at that soul level on these highways of lives. I know. It gets so complicated but that's the cause and effect of the relationships I had in my life. The butterfly effect from someone I interacted with was me being able to be the best I could be and do the best that I could do because of the influence or the example of someone else. Isn't that wild? And that's what I've needed to say for so long because I really need to give credit where credit is due. I didn't make anyone better. I just took how they felt about me and gave them that reflection back and it was this back and forth play by play. Did I know that's what was happening when I lived? I mean, I guess I could say I had some sort of idea. You treat people how you want to be treated. I had a high respect for myself and so I had a high respect for others and because it came from a really pure place, I got the gift of getting that back. People don't give themselves enough credit about how they impact another person's life...good or bad. But that's how this game is played and it's not always the best scenarios. Sometimes, people made me feel like dirt or put me in a really shitty place. It didn't happen often but because I had a lot of heroes around me, I could take those shitty attitudes that were based on a lot of rumor and assumption and I could turn it around and shake a lot of it off because I knew that it was never mine and all my buds; all of my friends...they were that shield that I could turn around and use as an example of brushing it off and knowing who was true. See, if I was a loner, do you think I could have pulled off half the shit I was able to pull off? No. My life was a community of awesome and far out individuals who made me the man I was and who I continue to be.

It's cool to be surrounded by soulmates when you're living and just like you, that term...that label that we give to those kinds or relationships are mostly used to describe romantic love like you see in those movies termed romantic comedies. No. It's not always romance. I truly did not understand the undercurrent of energy that connected Vin and I before I got here. I understood that he was a brother to me. Something with us just clicked and it was familiar even if we were raised in different ways or we experienced things differently in our lives before we connected. We were different but there was this undercurrent of familiarity and, to be honest, I really just felt like I knew him. I didn't know him. As a guy, I had to get to know him but it felt like a place we had already been and we just started again...picked up where we had left off even though there was nothing like a past that we could start with, again. That's what a soulmate is. You come back together and you just reconnect and continue what you already started in some other life way back when that you can't even remember. That was Vin. It was so familiar to me and that familiarity was the family that connected to my soul and not my blood. These people that were soulmates to me...they were lasting friendships. They were people that I didn't have to talk to every day but when we did connect it was from a place of...not bitterness because we couldn't connect but from a place of, Oh yeah, hey man. How've you been? And we're back like we never skipped a beat. I'm a firm believer that I was surrounded by soulmates. I couldn't call it anything different. Another trait of a soulmate is that you can fight and bicker and argue but because of that undercurrent of deep love...you come back and you work it out and you have enough want and need to be with these people that you're vulnerable enough to apologize or accept an apology and get back to life. When you can do that...that's a soulmate and I was surrounded. Like I said, I wouldn't be the man I am right now...sitting here and talking for a book if it wasn't for the soulmate relationships that I was blessed enough to call friends.

I have an extremely deep love for Jordana. She is someone to me that...I could almost never live without and I needed to show that to her. You take a bunch of kids and you put them together and once in a miracle that group of kids...for whatever reason...let's take a movie for example...they are a family of souls that go way back into the existence of time and space, always coming back together in some way in a lot of different lives. Jordana and I have had a lot of lives together and they have always been sweet and beautiful just like in my life as Paul. She was a source of beauty for me. A place of softness and also a place of boot me in the ass when I needed it. She was all of that to me and through the storyline of Fast I could experience her as love which is...probably the most meaningful part of my life with her. We had the rainbow of choice and could play that out even if it didn't happen in our everyday. It didn't have to. We could use the excuse of a movie or a scene or whatever it was but with Jordana...man...no acting involved.

I was definitely given the gift of positivity through so many. I mean...how could I mention them all. I can't and this book isn't a speech at the Academy Awards where I try to fit in every single person in a certain amount of time. That would be a little intense for my partner. I just mention a couple because I'm trying to make a point. The friendships that I had ran and continue to run deep. I honor that...reality that was before me. Take for instance...a person's car breaks down at one in the morning and your phone only has enough juice for one call or you had one phone call from prison that you could make. That was a tough call because who was I going to choose? Every single person in my contact list had stuck their neck out for me time and time again with no question. No question. I learned a valuable lesson in living as a man on earth. It's not always necessarily what you know but it's definitely who you know and I knew so much in terms of who, what, where when and why through the circle of people that I was so lucky to have called my extended family...my friends.

Tyrese had said that I was the kind of person that if you knew me when I died, you would ask yourself why not me and why him. Funny thing is, I feel the same way but in terms of the love I felt for these people...I'm just ecstatic that they get to continue that journey of life on earth. For me, leaving that place as a physical person, is a constant reminder about how beautiful life really is and I am a proud man to watch the people, that I love, be able to continue living it and getting dirty in it because it's just an incredible place to be. I'm with them. I'm with them every step of the way. I never left. I'm just wearing a different kind of birthday suit. That same huge circle that surrounded me in life...the most remarkable thing is that I get to surround them now...in my death. How amazing is that? I don't have one phone call. I can go to each individual soulmate, friend, fan, acquaintance and give them my full attention all at the same time and I can sit there or stand there and tell 'em...man, you're fuckin' killin' it. I'm so proud of you. I got you. This time...you drive.

Now the flip side of life is death. It's the yin of the yang but relationships don't end with life. When you get to my side...you think you have a circle of friends...you have no idea. You have no idea because the friends and soulmates that you live with on earth...all of them come to play here. You see people that you haven't ever been introduced to in the life you left but just like those undercurrents of recognition...you reunite and you say, Man, how've you been? And they answer, How was your trip to earth? And you whip out your photos and you show them everything because you returned to something familiar and you returned to people...spirits...that you know and have always known since day one. And sometimes you meet people that...the connection is so strong and you don't know why but it's a beginning to something really far out. With my partner...I'll get into her a little later but there is another person, besides Kim, that I felt a pull towards that I had never known until the day we were to meet here. And the more we got to know each other the more we realized that we were brothers...here. We never incarnated anywhere together. I just felt this pull towards a someone that would die and come to my side, soon after me, and I waited...I literally waited with anticipated curiosity, to see who this was. You see, and I'll get into it a little later, we don't know everything. We're still learning and we're still experiencing and we're still meeting new people that will have that connection to us and decide if they want to play those earth lives out with us or not.

To me, that was Benjamin Cole Brown.

Benjamin Cole Brown is an aspect of myself that went to earth for a bigger purpose than just your everyday desk job. We came in as men who wanted to make a difference even if we were never aware that that was our ultimate goal. We looked at humanity and felt we could make some sort of change or impact. We saw devastation and wanted to really be a part of a repair or a rescue because in our hearts, that wasn't okay. Poverty or chaos or being left homeless or abused...that was not okay with me and later, I found out, it was not okay with him. You get pulled to certain people and sometimes that happens with the choices that a person makes in life. It's that waiting game to see what "category" a person will fit into depending on the choices they make on earth because earth is like a school or university and you're presented with a lot of options. So if Cole didn't make the choices he had made in life and just decided to stay in construction...we wouldn't have met or we wouldn't have that brotherhood that we have today. Cole is the Vin Diesel to the Paul Walker. He is my brother. He is...probably one of my best friends here. Can you imagine such a close relationship here and we never had a clue that it would happen? That's the surprises and the wild cards of a place like this and they're always gifts. We come together to continue to do good things where ever they're needed. When you die, you get a big welcome. When I heard Cole had died, I was part of that party because I had heard about him and when I did...it's like just having to meet an artist you watch at a music festival or a celebrity that you've been following for years...you just have to meet them. I had to meet Cole and through our new bond, we've decided to work closely to continue to be those guys who just want to see the most positive outcome for everyone...whether that be our closest friends and family on earth or the stranger who's living on the street. It doesn't matter. We just became these brothers to do really good things and you know what...I think we are.

BC: You think?

PW: Hey Man, I know.

BC: Thanks, Paul.

PW: No Cole. Thank you.

Career

"My philosophy is if you can't have fun, there's no sense in doing it." – Paul Walker

Now you may think that, from me talking about acting, that it really didn't fit the bill for me. It actually did. What I didn't feel like I fit into was that whole concept of fame. But the movies, to me, that was a holiday. Plus, I liked to step out of my comfort zone...a lot. Being restless to me was like being tortured. It was torture to just sit there and not be doing anything substantial. I had my down time but it was usually with action. Hiking, surfing, friends, family, girlfriend...whatever it was I had it but to sit and just...no way. Not for me. So I did a movie called Running Scared and if someone watched it, they would either think, so cool or what the fuck were you thinking? Depends on where your head's at going in to watch something like that but what really had me...what attracted me to that role was that it wasn't normal or what people considered that "normal" movie. It was raw and you had to look at life in a different way because that stuff is out there. It exists and I was all about the study of human nature (as an actor...for anyone...I believe that's why we act) so how could I learn to be that guy who would shoot without even thinking about it and watch a person die for desperate things. I mean, people have been pushed but for me, I wanted that. I wanted to see how far I could be pushed out of my good guy element and how far was I willing to go with that. It was the ultimate temptation for me. Sometimes roles, or acting in general, could tempt me into a place that wasn't my norm but it was definitely someone else's. Stepping into the shoes of another human being...that was it for me. That's why Hollywood kept calling me back. It was, in a sense, a part of my awakening. Not only did acting give me the financial opportunity to give back, it also gave me the opportunity to live that different perspective and so many people have perspectives whether they be dark or violent, spiritual, joy, hippy, sad...whatever those perspectives may be, all of that is worth exploring because it makes up a human being. It's human nature.

Later, I came to a point in my career where things were handed to me but at the same time...you know, I did Fast for a pretty long time so I was really curious about what else I could explore that was what people lived. What I appreciated the most was...it was one thing to be handed something but it was quite another to have to work for it and when I had to come to play and I had to prove that I could play a character...that was the best for me. It really was because if I had to audition or work for something, the result of that was so much better because I had to be willing to go all the way and maybe push myself to go places that I normally wouldn't think of going. I once said to earn it is so much better and it is. I think a lot of that Hollywood life, people are handed a lot of things but to me, personally, that lacked fulfillment. I was a man that was on a constant hunt for fulfillment and something that I would enjoy and if I could to that in a job...man, I was a happy guy when given the chance. If something you're doing doesn't have that happiness quotient, there's something missing.

I love the fact that a person can be taken out of their element and still come out on top but a lot of that has to do with attitude. We don't all have the same attitude and I wanted to be an example of what a good attitude could create. Acting allowed me to showcase that. Some people wake up and wonder what's out there that's better. Some people wonder what they're doing with their life; feeling like it's slipping away. But the amazing thing is, that with a slight or sometimes big adjustment, that thought pattern can be changed and a new day was just created. Just like that.

It's not like I was forced by anyone. I was forcing myself to go places that I normally would never go and acting forced me to show up every day and give credit to people who were living the dirt; who were living the bad days or the stress or the unknown...even death and that forced me to show up and not let them down. There's no such thing as a stranger to me because if I'm reading a script...there's seven billion people in this world...that script is a parallel to someone's life and if I don't show up for them, who will? Life forced me. A person never forced my hand. Life always had a way of doing that. Yeah, I guess I could say the force was more a nudge, in most cases. But in my mind, they were the same thing. That was all me. That's the mentality that I started and finished with in regards to the roles I played. In the end, I sort of had an appreciation for what other people experienced through my experiences with a storyline or a city or a country...I gained that appreciation for those different perspectives and I wanted to showcase all of that in a really genuine and pure way. That was my responsibility with any acting job and I took it seriously. Especially when someone, I was maybe standing beside, was the reason a script was written and I had no idea. Respect. Integrity. I considered myself the kind of guy that brought that to the table. I don't know. You can be judge and jury with that. I think I did a pretty good job.

Acting also gave me this experience of seeing the parallel of lives. I mean, we all feel those emotions. We all have things come up. We all react and we all take action. It doesn't matter what the story is. We all have that ability to be that parallel for people. A script...even if completely removed from how I existed or lived...it would give me that opportunity to see those parallels. Look, we might not be living the same stories but the heart of it can be similar. Acting taught me that we are very similar in a lot of ways and that's the connection of this world. We're human. We live human lives. We have different storylines but the core of that heart and soul comes from the same Source. I found it easy to connect with that. Even if it was the darker side...I could connect with it because I never allowed myself to live in some sort of bubble where I was exempt from feeling what another guy, down the street from me, felt. I wasn't better than just because I had this life with clothes and cars and a few dollars in the bank. I was the same guy that was struggling to make ends meet on the other side of town. I was the same guy that had his car break down in the middle of the 405. Just because my story was different, didn't mean I didn't realize the struggle that sometimes came with a bad day. That's the connection that makes us all the same...in some way. Can I say that? I guess I just did.

So with that connection that I felt with the everyday that I could experience with the "regular guy" through the acting...that connection with people really solidified for me and if I had a bad day...some people were having a really shitty day. I felt a pull towards, how do I put this? God...I have the feel but the words are hard. Let me think for a minute...

I guess I'll just have to give an example. An earthquake happened and something just ripped inside of me and I had to go. I had to see. I had this sick need to go and see. I don't know why. I just...I was living this blessed life and so were a lot of other people but I suddenly realized...it could all be over. You could be free and happy and rich in so many things. You could still be alive and kickin' but you could also have all of that ripped away from you, through no fault of your own and be left with nothing. Now because I explored those parallels that we can all have, those moments of...this is fucked up, after that earthquake...that disbelief of what happened was nothing compared to going into complete shock and refusal to believe how wide the gap was between individuals, towns, cities, countries...whatever that means for you, that gap was not okay with me especially when I went to go see that destruction. I told you I had to see it and I did. How is it that I can have clean water and a mother who has four kids in a different country, can't even bathe or drink or do something simple like wash her dishes...why doesn't she have that but it's so readily available for me. And after the earth decides to rock and roll a little...she has even less while I'm still sittin' pretty in a house with electricity and water that will continue to provide for me for years to come? I just...that fall out rocked my world to the point that I had to do something to narrow that gap. Especially when that mother of four had nowhere to turn to or nowhere to seek help and she had to be the rock for her children that just lost everything that wasn't even a lot to begin with. I get really pissed off with how unfair that can be. So I looked at my life and I thought to myself...how can I have a good impact with what I have so that I could alleviate some of that worry, fear, stress, hurt, despair...how could I help that. I had more than enough. What could I give? You know me; I'm a man of action. Making a donation with my credit card was not good enough. I needed to get there. I put out that request to anyone that I could think of. Guess what? More people than me thought that exact same thing and even though it took some work to get going, it happened. Welcome Reach Out World Wide.

Reach Out World Wide was my something missing. It was that missing piece of the puzzle that made my world...my personal world complete. It was that community that I craved that came together to support that community of the world I belonged to. It was the connection that I felt was missing and it connected that gap to make the world a little bit of a smaller place. We all have the means to get better. We all have the means to share a little to make someone's life get better. We all have this capability to...not to be a hero but to be a participant in the chapter of the book that is humanity. We're not separate. It's those thoughts and ideas that are spread by ignorance and hate that keeps us separate. From experiencing those scenarios in my acting, I could get that we're not separate and we have a responsibility to help each other out whether that be a friend or neighbor or a person on the other side of the world that's struggling to even get something to eat. People have bad days. People go through hell and back believing that there's no one on their side because of maybe government or education and especially lack thereof, there's no one that could join their team or be on their side to give just a little relief and a little help to ease that suffering. That whole playing field really needed to be levelled and when I took a chance and got a group of people together to be that example of what a team effort looks like in regards to responding and not reacting. We weren't there to be a rescue. We were there to get people to a place where they could manage or cope a little better if they had to be on their own. That meant some water, some food, some simple medical care that went a long way. We were the scouts before the army came in. The difference between responding and reacting is that reacting...you just sit there and get mad or jump the gun without thinking and usually run yourself into the ground. Responding is taking action to make things better or to make things bearable until what you're responding to recovers that footing or that voice that they've always had. I never intended for ROWW to be a legacy. It's just what I had to do...for me. I needed peace knowing that with everything that I had, I could turn around and give that back. I didn't need pay back. I needed to pay if forward. I think that's why I never wanted for much. Because what I got I gave so others didn't have to want at the time they were most in need. It was already there for them to take. And the payback of that was me feeling the most fulfilled I've ever been.

I might read like I'm running my mouth. Truth is...there's a lot I could say about it. There's a lot I could say to everyone that has so much and to people who believe that they have very little. Turn on your televisions or look it up on the internet...how much others don't have and how much they don't because of circumstances that were just handed to them that they didn't ask for. I can see that bigger picture now. I can see the whys and I can see how Earth sort of has to work in the confines of what humanity does or is doing and in Her own way, sometimes She needs to shake it off. That doesn't mean that the human being, who's in the line of fire of that, has to endure to the point of enduring suffering. We all have the means to help out just that little bit. You can sit and decide to feel sorry for yourself or continue that mentality of being a victim of your circumstances. Thing is, if you decide to stay in that place, you negate the power or what power you hold over your choices and your outcomes. Some people don't have the choice. They just don't. They have their lives torn apart or ripped away by things beyond their control. So, what's the plan? Are you going to respond or are you going to react. As you read this, what's your response? You can react any way you want to. But how are you going to respond?

I lived all sides of life. I was humbled but I was also deserving. I had a lot of things; had a lot of opportunities but I also had the understanding that it could all be over or taken from me real quick. Acting gave me the what if this happened. ROWW gave me it did. So now that I knew it did, I had to do something to make sure it doesn't have to. Plus, I was a dad. I had a responsibility to show my baby girl that things are possible when done with a willingness to get dirty, overcome, and take action. Sometimes there's a no in situations where it's that no fly zone. More times than not though...it's usually a yes. You just have to be willing to ask, what can I do? How can I help? What do they need? Ask the questions but be the answers and be that example of responding with the positive and not reacting with the negative. See the difference? Good. Now be that change. It's not necessary to be a Paul Walker. It's necessary to be the best version of you. Do that and do good and see what happens. If anything, let it surprise you and fulfill you. And then, when you get here, tell me all about it. Chances are, I already know because I had your back from beginning to end.

Talk about being passionate about the work you love to do. Without a doubt, that's what it takes. It takes finding the happy, the passion and the desire to not only find it for yourself but to use what you do to help others find it in themselves. I don't know much about careers. I think I just got lucky doing what I really loved to do and actually being able to make a difference while doing it...with some downtime on the side to enjoy some reward. Just a little bit. Sometimes, just like everyone else, I just had to find my stride.

My Death

Life and death are one thread, the same line viewed from different sides. – Lao Tzu

There's a song that my partner listens to with a line that is the perfect sentence for the way I see my death and when she heard it she knew that it hit me in the heart just as much as it hit hers...maybe even more.

I didn't want to leave, I had to.

People tend to think that when a person suddenly dies, it's unfair or it's tragic or it's just fuckin' shitty.

It was.

We don't know when it's that time to die. We don't have a mark in our calendars that has an appointment time that we have to meet. Well, I mean, depending on the circumstances, some do but as a general guideline, it's not something we can plan around like we're fitting it into some sort of a schedule. Usually it comes out of nowhere. Not even doctors can name a time or place. They can try but on the actual day someone dies...it's shocking, it's a surprise and it's not something that's easily accepted because there are lots of questions and in those questions...there's an uneasiness that the questions will never be answered. Even with those people that have the chance to say goodbye and are able to get and give that closure...it still stings.

Let me first offer something to you and I hope that this can be some sort of closure. To me...death doesn't exist. It did when I was living and I had that narrow definition of it but the word I like to use...I say I graduated. I don't even consider it a birthday. Some people, here, consider it a birthday because they're reborn into something. Not for me. I have a few lives under my belt and every time I come back to live a life, it's a learning experience and I graduate.

The day of, what people still consider my untimely death, was...the usual for me. I got up, showered, made calls, visited, whatever...it was the norm. I made plans; Christmas was coming. I had plans with Meadow to prepare some of that holiday traditional memory making stuff, I had a talk to give. I had a lot going on that wasn't unusual for me. I was just livin' life. I was, like everyone else is, ignorant to the fact...very blind to the fact that anything, like dying, could happen.

I won't even call it being naïve. I'm using the word ignorant. As if death could happen to me at forty. As if, right? Being naïve is not seeing the forest for the trees. Being ignorant is seeing the forest and ignoring that it's even there. Ignorance about death is disregarding the fragility of life. See...I knew all this. I KNEW it but I was ignorant when I considered my life. Sudden death was always someone else's risk. I lived risk. I took risks but for completely different reasons than tempting death.

I won't go into what has already been seen or heard over and over and over again like a broken record. I'm going to tell you about my death through my eyes...how it happened to me and not what other people saw and/or heard. The reason for this is that those closest to me don't need wounds opened, spit on and stitched back up. They need to know that in the carnage of my death...in the heat of that fire, I was completely removed and safe from that horror show. So, I'm not here to re-hash. I'm here to be completely and 100% honest about the experience of death through me.

I never, once, felt pain.

People seem concerned about the suffering of death for a person who's going through it. Some people chose to suffer with pain. I did not. The thing with the people suffering...or we watch them suffer as they die...it's not even a memory. For us...yeah, maybe there was pain but it's not something we choose to remember. Personally, I did not feel pain. I bumped my head pretty bad. I was pulled out of my body even before the heat. First thing I'm going to give closure on, last time I'm gonna bring it up.

Roger is and will always ever be an amazing friend to me. That hasn't changed. Some people believe that because of the blame game that happened in the aftermath of all that, that maybe I felt the same way too. Not possible. You have to remember that there were two people in that car and not just one and the fall out of that loss was doubled. There is no hierarchy when it came to my death. Roger's death was just as tragic as mine and if people really knew Roger, the loss was just as intense and raw. He was driving. Yeah. Roger drove the car that crashed and blew up. No kidding. But that doesn't make him guilty of anything. To me, he got the short straw.

Before we incarnate to earth...people in general, there are relationships we forge and agreements that are made to shape big events like birth and death. Plane crashes for example. Those people who die all had some sort of fucked up agreement that they would all take that plane and they would all die together. These aren't random things. They are agreements. Roger and I had that agreement. I know. Not the easiest answer to get or give but that's all I got.

There are other ways to look at death that really pertain to me and personally, it's two that I really understand and when I died, they gave me a lot of comfort and that's why I like to call it my graduation.

Number one. When a person "gets it" and they use that wisdom to create really great things and be a teacher of what really matters in life...without getting too deep into all that life noise that tries to get in the way, they graduate. It's just...they set out to accomplish something, they do it, then they graduate. It doesn't matter if it's a miscarriage, a child, a teenager, a forty year old or a senior. The time it takes to live your mission or what you wanted to experience as a human being is the time it takes. Now, there are some variables in this but that's the general overview of that. Mission complete.

Number two. A person is needed back in heaven to serve in a bigger capacity than what they were doing in life. What does that mean? As Paul, I'm needed as a guardian. I'm needed as a guide. I'm needed as an omnipresent being. Some might say I was needed as an angel. I couldn't stretch myself that thin being human. Here...as a spirit; as an energy, I can. Does that make people's sadness and heartache any less painful? No. If anything, it could make it worse because anyone that needed me there, in their lives, as their father, son, brother, friend...that's a big middle finger in the air with a, So long suckers. It's been fun. It feels like that because people wanted me to stay. It feels like that because it felt like I wasn't supposed to go. It feels like that because it seems like that was an easy thing for me to say to justify my death, like an excuse for being a deserter. And it feels like that because the connection between heaven and earth is broken based on outdated belief systems and the fear of the unknown. At first, I felt the exact same thing until I re-learned a few things. So guess what...guess why I'm writing a book?

Back to my death.

I'm not here to make people feel uncomfortable. I'm not here to create that sadness again. My hope is that I can just give you an idea about what it was like so that it's possible to really believe that at that moment, I...or anyone else that has crossed that line...that we made it and it happens so fast. It's like the snap of your fingers. I might say that a lot in this book only because there's just no time. Anything can happen on a dime. So, that moment that I crossed that line it's like...there was a slight pull that I remember feeling but what I remember feeling the most was that it was like someone had just flipped the page of a book. It literally was like I was in the car and then I was outside of it just with the flip of a page. It took me a little bit to understand what was going on. I remember hitting...making an impact with the car. I remember my head hitting something and then with the turn of a page, I was outside of the car and I was watching it burn. Let me give you something that you might be able to wrap your brain around.

Think of yourself standing in front of a mirror. You're in your body. The movement is mechanical. You're brushin' your teeth or you're combing your hair. You're rubbin' off the steam from the shower...lookin' and deciding if you want to shave or not. You see your reflection in the mirror. Then you see your reflection walking away and doing something else while you're still in your body...you still feel like you have your fingers and toes. It's just that you're not moving from that mirror but your reflection is. It's something out of Alice in Wonderland...Through the Looking Glass. Great book. You should read it sometime. I've caught up on a bunch of reading.

I was standing outside of the car and I was watching it burn. I had an inkling that Roger was with me. It was...feeling someone beside me but that didn't last too long. He saw me and described me as being stoic. I would have to agree. I really...it took me a little bit to actually figure out what the hell was going on because my reflection was burning in a car. Surreal wouldn't even be the word I would use for it. Maybe there was a minute of slight panic but the thing with death is that all those fearful feelings...they fade real quick and you're just left with this feeling of detachment like this is what's meant to be. Thing is...it wasn't okay with me. I knew...I instinctively knew that I had died. For some reason, I wasn't pissed off or anything because there's this knowing that it was supposed to happen but I certainly wasn't immediately fine with it. I can't explain it but I didn't have to like it right away. Sudden deaths...no one really likes it right away because it's that ignorance factor that death wouldn't or couldn't happen to us. But it does. It's a sneak attack. That's why they're called sudden deaths.

I stayed with my body. When you cross that line, there's this sort of closure that happens with your physical body. I couldn't see mine real good but, regardless, I stayed with it. You leave your body when you know that it's done. What I mean by that is...if the accident didn't end up in a fire and they took me to the hospital and I was dead but they brought me back and I was on life support or whatever keeps your heart beating and your lungs breathing...you stay with your body. Some people...if that coma state is pretty long; if it drags out but the end result is death then there's this come and go thing but for me...I stayed. I stayed until they took me out, put me in that white bag and drove me away. Then, when I absolutely knew for sure that there was no coming back from this, I got a taste of how I could still move and go to people without using that physical. It was automatic. It was weird at first. It was like, let's take watching a movie. You're watching this scene and then some guy thinks about a girl and they cut over to that girl in a different scene. That's what it was like. I went to family.

What I could honestly compare the reaction of my death to was this storm that sort of blew around me. It wasn't my emotions that appeared as the storm. It was all those people that felt that incredible loss...it was their storms. This is when I found out about connecting with those in deep deep sadness and mourning. It's fucking hard. It's not impossible. God gives us chances to come to those who call our names or sit with them as they lay in their beds and can't quite get out of them because even putting their feet on the floor reminds them that it's a day without someone who died. It's a process. So every time someone would fall to their knees or cry or weep those silent tears, I could come. What's interesting is that I could be in a few places at one time. I don't know how it happened. It just did. Maybe two or three people at a time. The cool thing about being able to do that was it gave me a lot of peace and it gave me the opportunity to say goodbyes at the time I needed to say them. I took my time. I didn't cross through any sort of pearly gates right away. I stayed. I had to stay. I just couldn't leave because I didn't know what was going to happen. I didn't know that if I left I could easily come back. I didn't know anything. All I knew was that I had died and that connection with all these people...it was gone. It wasn't gone from my side. It was gone with them because death...that's the story of it. The people that die are gone. Side note...not true.

I learned fast how to communicate with people. I learned really fast. Whatever it was. The easiest thing that I felt I could do was play with electricity because I was energy so that was really easy for me. The other thing that I could do was create sensations on people's skin. So, when I reached to touch them or give them a hug or hold them while they cried, I could put my arms around them in a way that they would feel a faint brush or a slight tingle or pressure. I was a physical guy. I liked hugs. I liked very hands on contact with people. It didn't matter to me. When you touch someone, in that touch, you can show a lot of things. You can show support, love, attraction, stability, celebration...so much in a touch and I continued to be that. The thing is, when a person's in mourning...they have a real hard time feeling it or believing that it's actually possible.

So back to the storm that was around me. It was continuous. And I don't blame it for being continuous. I loved a lot of people and I had respect for a lot of people and they, like I explained before, returned that to me. A shocking or a sudden ending...of any kind creates this tornado of storms around a person and when it's a lot of people that feel that same way...they all sort of group together and at that time, I was the center of that storm. Was I calm? Yeah. I was calm. The thing that unnerved me a little was that storm was making it pretty fucking hard to go to them and make it stick so I was given reinforcements to make that happen even if, for that time, I wasn't aware. I saw this storm as just a windy blurry scene without feeling the actual wind but it was pretty windy. I was just separated from that. I was safe in my center but I was also trying to get through all these personal storms to make contact for a very important reason; to say my goodbyes. To say goodbye, I believe that God helped me get through but at one point, I knew that I would have to move on from this storm and get back to me. And I did. Eventually.

There were a lot of funerals that I had to go to. Not because of obligation but because that was a closure thing for me as well. That's what funerals are. It's a chance to just...closure is such a shitty word to use but it is (closure). Maybe even coming to grips with the fact that a loved one has died. Having that moment to bury a loved one...I get it. I do. I can only imagine what it's like to declare someone dead and not have the body because they can't find it...maybe a missing person's case. It just leaves that death really up in the air. I get that. Man...my funeral was difficult. Mine...the celebration of life that had the flowers and the casket...man...that was difficult for me but it was one of the most profound moments where I knew I was being gifted my chance to go around that room and make contact with every single person there and tell them, thank you, I love you, this isn't it for me. I don't know why I had to say that to people. I don't know why those words were in my heart. I just knew it (death) wasn't it for me. I just knew whatever relationship we had; it wasn't over. It was just going to be or look different. I just knew that as much as they were laying me to rest, I wasn't sleeping and I was going to be this kid that refused to go to bed and keep waking up to tell mom or dad or friends or whatever...Meadow...I love you. How's your day. I can't sleep. Let's go do something. I just knew that that was the case and I think that's why the funeral was so difficult for me because I knew that...but they didn't. They thought I was in eternal slumber. I'd like to change that mindset for people with this book. Eternal slumber...how fucking boring would that be. I'm not sleeping forever and ever, Amen. I'm the most awake I've ever been. So yeah, I felt that the funeral was beautiful but a little one sided in what people chose to believe and what was actually happening because I was still there. I still existed on some level that they couldn't reach or know about. What I did appreciate with it was that it gave me a chance to say...I'll see you again.

I was grateful to be there. I did celebrate the fact that I could go to each individual person and pay my respects to them just like they were paying their respects to me. You know, life takes you away. Sometimes you don't make contact with people for months or years. You still think about them. They're still on your mind so even though funerals or celebrations of lives are for that closure for those who think they were left behind...they are a great way and a hell of an opportunity for us...the spirits of us to pay our respects to everyone in that room. It's a chance for us to relive the stories people tell in their speeches and for us to have a laugh with them or a cry with them when it really effects both of us that that relationship is assumed to be severed in a tragic way and even though it was sometimes hard to hear and say goodbye myself...I knew better. I just instinctively knew better. That day...with everyone in that room and all those people that had their own private vigils, I told them just as much. I told them this wasn't it for me. This isn't it for me. I'll show you. I'll be back. I'm okay.

Maybe it's not a believable statement. Maybe it's just the wishes of a guy that didn't want to leave...he had to. But...I don't necessarily believe in an ending. I believe in a part two. I just had to figure out, while in that room with all those people or standing outside with people holding candles...how I was going to be that part two. That was my come to Jesus moment. I would say...that was a moment of resurrection for me. And that's not to be an asshole about religion. That's truly understanding what that word resurrection means. It's a part two. Death is never something that ends everything. It's a coming home. It's continuing. That continuing is just done differently. It looks a little different. I can see my bellybutton. No one else really can. I can see my fingers and toes. No one else can. When a person who's mourning someone starts to heal and smile again and believe that we could possibly still have our bellybuttons and our fingers and toes...that's when those, who feel they were left behind...that's when they can actually start seeing them too. Although...my bellybutton's been on display for a long time so it might be a little boring to continue to look at. You get older, things start falling. Just another side note. Maybe just believe that I still have that pretty face and those blue eyes but know they're just a little bluer than they ever were before.

That was my death in a nutshell. I mean...everyone saw it. Some people even think that I'm still alive; that I would somehow fake a death just to get some peace or something. Okay. Weird. Don't know where their heads were at to tell themselves that story. At any rate...they were kind of right. I am alive. Death was just that turn of a page into something different. Is that the way I thought of death when in that physical? No. I had pretty much the same beliefs as a lot of people. I wouldn't say that I was wrong. I just think that people's idea of death is extremely narrow compared to what it actually is. It's just continuing...but in a way different way and if we could all get on the same page with that...those broken hearts would just be a little cracked. Those tears wouldn't create the floods and when we say, how's it going today we would get an answer like, things are good now that you're here.

Heaven

When I die & they lay me to rest, gonna go to the place that's the best. – Spirit in the Sky by Norman Greenbaum

I took my time crossing that line. I don't even like the term crossing over. Crossing over what? Like there's some sort of bridge or something to get to some other side? No. Line is the best word...for me. What you'll get to know through this book is that language is very limiting for me now. Feeling is huge. So if I can't find the words, I have to share the feelings with my partner and then she'll translate them. I find words just don't do, what I need to talk about...justice sometimes. Anyway. Crossing a line.

So I took my time. I needed that closure for me because, to recap a little bit, I didn't want to leave, I had to. Anyway. We've been down that road. What you guys really want to know or what I want to tell you is that people perceive this line differently. Some just cross to this place of magic. Some people follow a tunnel of light. It is light. It's really bright light and it's a white that's beyond white. It's actually the light of you. You think your light doesn't shine...think again. Some people just sort of...let's use the mirror analogy again. Let's use Alice's Through the Looking Glass. Sometimes people crawl through that glass of the mirror to join a world that's already going on but they can't see it until they are able to connect their soul to that. There's a difference between the Spirit of someone and the Soul of someone and I guess this would be the best place to let you know that subtle difference.

The Spirit of someone is what is termed that Higher Self and the Soul is that part that travels to live as a human for a while. They aren't separate but they kind of are. We perceive them to be separate because the communication is sort of broken unless you understand that it's just that part that floats down...births itself...becomes Paul and then returns to itself at forty. I'm a lot of souls and my spirit is made up of all those experiences of the souls that have decided to live those lives or those incarnations. I'll make a note...I have to talk about that in this book somewhere at some point.

I didn't make it to some Pearly Gates picture. That's a comforting image that one reflects on, that if they did the best they could for God, they'd be let into some sort of secret club. Sure, if that's your belief, that's what you'll get. What I didn't realize, but know now, is that belief really drives that perception of Heaven or no Heaven that people sometimes have. If a person was raised Atheist...or if they believed that there is absolutely nothing when you die accept a box with some dirt thrown on top, that's exactly what you'll experience because for a while, after you cross that line from life to death, you keep your beliefs or you keep your mentality until you give permission to experience something different. Some people have to take it easy. They just want to be alone. You see that with suicides a lot...that they don't feel worthy enough to be able to enter some sort of Heaven so they stay in a place of personal purgatory until they're ready to listen to their soul that's telling them there's more than this. And that really happens. People put themselves in solitary confinement but eventually, a person says, Okay, I'm ready to see more. There's gotta be more than this. No one wants to spend eternity on an island that's deserted of any sort of experience or love or forgiveness or complete non judgement and that's the alarm clock of the soul that's ready to get back to that spirit and you're finally in a place to listen to that calling. Anyway. No pearly gates for me.

So what did I believe? I believed in God. I believed that I would be brought to a place that was sort of like a person would assume Heaven to be. Some place in the sky. The sky...even though it's really big...you can't even imagine how big. The sky that I ended up going to wasn't up and out. It was around what I was already living. Again, I was just brought across a line. People call it a veil. Cool. I like that. We're playing out our parts on a stage and we go backstage to really see what's going on. That's what it was for me. I was going behind the curtain. It blew my fucking mind. I knew that what I believed wouldn't touch it because deep down...I knew there had to be more. I was right.

I was met by a woman. I didn't recognize her but I felt I knew her from somewhere. She introduced herself as Gladys and that she was a guide of mine that had been with me in my life. I actually have three guides and she won the...I laugh when I remember it...she won the game of picking straws to come and get me. The thing with sudden death is that we're sort of...we're slightly traumatized because we weren't expecting it and we had to say goodbye when we didn't think we had to until we turned old and gray. So apparently they didn't want to bombard me with people. It was cool. She asked me how I was feeling. She didn't ask me how I was. She asked me how I was feeling. There's a difference. I was honest with her and told her I wasn't sure how to feel. She told me that it was expected but she also told me that I could feel anything I wanted to because that's how it was done here and that was the honesty factor with myself and everyone around me...was how I was feeling.

Gladys made me feel completely at ease. It was in her smile and her welcome. She was the one that stood by me to transition me from one side to the next. You don't do those things alone. Eventually you have help to get you where you need to go because when you first leave as a spirit, you're sort of turned around and there's no real GPS. I mean, you know to cross the line but what to do when you get here is a little overwhelming because you suddenly realize...you can do anything you want. I think I actually asked her where Saint Peter was. She literally asked me if I wanted to meet with him. She asked me if that was important to me. I asked if it should be important to me. She laughed and shook her head but if I wanted to meet with him, he would come quite quickly.

It put me at ease. There was no schedule to this. There was no time line. There were no stages or levels that I had to get through. I was being accustomed to what I was now, very slowly. Some people adjust pretty quickly. Some people need to take their time. I was sort of in the in-between. I think it was because I had no real fixed idea on what Heaven was supposed to be like. I just gave myself a general overview of belief. Gladys then noticed that I needed to see what I left. I needed to see what I left to let me know, in no uncertain terms, that it was still very reachable and that I could return anytime I wanted and I'm gonna have to go slow here because I'm feeling a lot of emotion and Kim's gotta translate that and she doesn't want to cry.

I saw what I left. It was...the amount of support and love that I saw...beyond the sadness, shock and mourning, was more than anything that I could ever put into words. It was humbling. It was inspiring. It was awe. It was overwhelming in a way that while I lived, I got that but here, when I died, I understood it and when you understand something, it's not just with the mind but it's with the whole of yourself and to see that and feel it...I mean really feel it. It was a holy shit moment. I mean, I knew how much I loved people in my life. I loved them because they loved me. It was that relationship that I discussed earlier...but for those people that allowed me into their lives by being a fan or a person that just liked or loved what I stood for...it was just something that made the transition so much easier because I was supported in my death to be free and happy, loved and honored. Gladys had to sort of hold me up a little because I broke. I just kept asking why. Why now? Why? But as much as I had to break a little, the amount of healing that I took from that to say that I was going to be just fine and that I was well taken care of by everyone that held those candles or prayed for me...it made me whole. Then I heard the prayers for me. I heard so many people, individually, speak messages and words of encouragement. I remember when Gladys asked me, do you hear that? It's like I was wearing headphones and I was listening to some song on a stereo where every prayer or thought that was for me, was playing for me. It wasn't a choir of voices...it was a single voice here and there so I could really listen and grasp what they were saying. I smiled at her and was just amazed. I could hear it. I could still hear people and with their voices I could see their faces. I could see everyone, individually, and what they were saying to me. And it happened so fast. It was more of...absorbing it all and I just grew. My energy and my spirit just absorbed that, allowing me to grow. I have to admit. I felt a little small coming back to such a vast place but as I tuned into the love that was and is still felt for me...I grew into this space that I was now in and it was a pretty amazing feeling. To the readers who dared to pick up this book...I thank you from the bottom of my heart and soul for your send off. It was what I needed to be able to go all the way and it's part of the reason why I'm writing this book for you; to sort of pay that back. Your messages were received and it's the best I can do.

I assumed that when I died, there would be people here and there that would come and introduce themselves to me. I remember feeling a little overwhelmed but also starting to wonder where all these people were, specifically family or friends. So far I was being introduced to guides or whatever but I began to wonder where all those people were that I had known in my life. Maybe I got to a different Heaven. Maybe there's more than one. The moment I started wondering, is when I allowed that reunion to happen. See, you know how I was talking about how your belief about death and going to heaven sort of drives what or how you'll experience it. Well, at the same time, like when I went away to do a shoot or work with ROWW or something, I had to let home go so I could get my head in the game of those tasks. Same thing here...sort of. I had to get my head out of the game of my death to actually make room for what I needed to be re-introduced to and again, for some, it's a quick change. I mean, it's all quick here. But for me...I did take my time with it. It was only when I started wondering about the people that I felt I had lost in my life as Paul, that I actually made that possible to invite them towards me.

What a party. Just like in life, when you create that space and allow for something to come to you...it comes to you and my coming home party was bigger than anything I had ever even dreamed. You know when you're planning a surprise party or a welcome home party but you want to make that person believe that absolutely nothing is being done and you can see they're kind of bummed out about it. And then you bring 'em to a spot and all these people jump out at once and that person is surprised and relieved and feeling just a little bit stupid that they would even think for a moment that they were forgotten. Yeah, welcome to Paul's coming home party. I was knocked on my ass by cheers and applause and hugs and kisses and all of it. Everything. Epic doesn't even come close. I saw people that I didn't even know knew me but we had a connection. Like I talked about with Benjamin Cole...they were waiting for me. I saw people that were still alive on earth which gave me so much comfort because, I later learned, that what they're living in life is just a part of them but I can still hang out with the whole of them. Super cool, right? Chew on it.

I could connect with my daughter. I could connect with my mother...my dad, my brothers and sisters, my soulmate friendships, my girlfriend...all of them. My aunts, uncles, grandmothers, grandfathers...living, dead and in between. All of it. So what I thought I had to remain separate from (and to an extent I am) I'm not. It's just that physical...that physical part of them that decided to become whoever they are on Earth...that aspect that I loved as Paul...not so easy to do (connect with). We form a lot of relationships when alive and that part that we play is attached to the part they are playing and even though we can connect and interact with that whole of them...we miss that physical part and that's what brings us back all the time...to try and connect and be a part of what those other people are living as what they chose to be. We assume, when living, we'll be there for the whole show. We'll watch our kids grow up, we'll watch our parents grow old and we'll be there for all those people in that in-between. As a Spirit, I am (there). It's just that physical that...it's such a gift. Life is such a gift. I knew that when I was alive as Paul. I know that more now.

Even pets. Now, if you knew me in life or if you witnessed anything about me in my life, I loved animals. I did hunt. It was a sport that I enjoyed but grew out of a little bit. I did like the connection that I had with animals...all animals. Even if I found a frog or insect, shark, whale, fish, tiger, lion...whatever it was...I loved it. All those furry friends that I had or that had connected with me in some way...I was reunited and I could hear them. I understood them. I got the chance to understand how they lived and what my actions or inactions caused in their lives. I'll do a chapter on meeting Kim but just to get the difference...she gets that right now. Kim won't even step on an ant because she knows she'll probably hear about it when she gets here, to Heaven. She already knew that. Except with Spiders. She has no time for spiders. If she sees one then it's time to get the gun and have someone else pull the trigger.

Now let's get to the juicy part; the life review. The thing everyone fears the most. The room of judgement. The room of getting shit for what you did and didn't do. The place that St. Peter would manage if he actually did stand at the Pearly Gates. The place where you find out if you're good enough to even be in Heaven or if you really need to be shot to some Hell. Let's talk.

What are you worried about?

Here's the thing. You don't have to do it right away. You don't have to do it ever...if it's not something you need. If a person feels as if they really did a great job...they felt they wore the shoes of...I don't know...Jesus or something...then you don't get it. People get it though. We all can't be Jesus. But it's not a test to make sure you stay. Look, you live your life as a chance to learn new things or experience things that would add to that wholeness of you with a specific moral of the story that you wanted to get, personally, for you. This just sort of reviews it...like case studies or a round table after a movie. You just sort of come together and give high fives while seeing what could be done differently or where we missed the boat or what could've been done better. There is no re-do. If a person is satisfied with their life as they lived it then they played the game according to what they wanted...even if there were twists and turns...those twists and turns give you options that maybe you never thought of before you got here. You can re-incarnate and try to learn the same lessons or whatever but it's not usually repeating the same life. It can have a different theme. Now back to mine. I didn't have mine right away. It's something that I didn't feel the need to get done. It wasn't a chore that I had to complete. I was making myself comfortable. I didn't feel like I was a complete failure at anything. I lived in a way that made me happy and made others happy and even when I was young and stupid, I still held respect for people and it paid off. So, a life review...I sort of assumed I'd get that passing grade.

Shocking twist...it wasn't about me at all.

The thing with the life review is, and hold on now, it's looking at your life through another person's eyes. It's how you acted or you talked or handled or whatever...how you loved...through another's eyes. If you told someone off, you felt that from another person's hurt or ego. If you gave someone a really great gift, you felt that gratefulness from their heart. If you gave to a cause, you felt that thanks from every single person that benefitted from that cause. If you fucked around on someone, you felt that pain of betrayal from that other person. Good or bad...whatever it was, you got the gift of experiencing your life from the way other people were experiencing you. I gotta tell you, I wasn't 100% angel boy. No. There were things that I had no idea affected someone pretty harshly that I never considered, from my viewpoint, ever would. If I knew...maybe I would've got my back up and instead of apologizing I would've called them out for being a wuss or a pansy ass. No man. Couldn't do that. Those were the lower points. The higher points...man, I gave myself a pat on the back for those. But that's what the life review is. You know what you did. You lived it. It's how it was perceived from everyone that were in those situations with you.

It's not a prolonged thing. It happens really quickly. I sort of...I guess you could say I watched it on some sort of screen as other people than myself so I could empathize with them or celebrate with them. But again, with the looking glass analogy, I was able to step into another person's reflection and live them for a moment in time and having that realization about the effects that every single human being has on another human being. Wow. All of that with a press of a button or the blink of an eye...it was some ride and it was over before I even knew it had begun.

Sometimes people need to get that life review out of the way before they can really just start living a spirit life. Not me. It happened at the perfect time. I sort of just reveled in the love that I continually felt from people on earth and I reveled in the love that I received from everyone that I was connecting with in Heaven. I was living that balance. It's how I sort of lived my life as Paul. I found a balance...even when it was so hard to find it in the first place or maintain it so some degree...I lived it as best as I could or how I knew how. It was the same here. But there comes a moment when you really have to look at your life from another perspective. That's the life review and it comes from a place of pure love and to motivate a person to really get that while never perfect...life is lived to the best of anyone's ability and that forgiveness, while offered unrestricted here in Heaven, really needs to be practiced in a human life and when you understand where, in life, you needed a little work in that, you can pick your options for you next go-around where you can do better or do more than what you did in that life you just left. Is it possible to be more or do more and make the world even better than what you thought you were doing because you thought that you were giving your all...

100%.

It's very possible.

That, in a nut shell, was my welcome home. The thing about Heaven is you can experience that welcome home all the time. It stays with you. Everyone is celebrated here. But...there are some things you have to learn or re-learn. That's the action of Heaven. That part is a little crazy. You have to learn to walk or swim again so...let's get into a little sci-fi.

Learning Heaven

When the atmosphere encourages learning, the learning is inevitable. – Elizabeth Foss

So I was welcomed into Heaven. I got the pass. I got the party (it's a party every day, if I'm gonna be honest) but now what was I going to do? Part of that was I had to re-learn a few things. Yeah, re-learn. There's this assumption, and I've been called on it, that immediately when you cross that line that you know everything and everyone. Well...no. It's just easier. Learning is easier here and I'll try my best to explain. This is the chapter where words will probably fail me quite a bit and sometimes my partner doesn't really understand the images I give. Hold on Kim...this might take a couple of days.

Let's look at the assumption that we (spirit) know everything when we become spirit or energy. As much as we know a lot more and we know a lot more answers to those who, what, where, when and why...maybe even a little how...we're not God. We're not Source and even They said go out and learn things and bring them back to Me so I can learn them too. Everything changes. Everything evolves. Same goes for here. Even though there are your basic things that I'll get into a little bit...creation is always happening and that whole creation word means things are constantly up and coming and new.

I've met a lot of people through the work that I do with my partner. There have been a lot of interviews and I was in on a couple of them. We talked to Lady Diana...the Princess of Wales. You know, Wil and Harry's mom? Anyway, to tell you guys the complete and honest truth. I was nervous. I didn't know her. I knew of her but I could feel how she was and how she was...she vibes super high. She is exquisite. She is immaculate in how she presents herself...still. She's a little more relaxed because she can be but she's elegance in light. Look at me. I'm a poet now. My point is, until that interview happened, I didn't know that. I wasn't aware of that. But when the time came to meet her, I started to feel that. I FELT that and we got to know each other by feeling each other out. That's how it's done here. We feel it. We absorb it. If I want to read a book, and I read a lot, it's not like I'll sit in a chair and just read. I mean, if I want that experience, I'll sit in a chair and read but I don't have to do that. That can be a long process. I absorb it. If I want to watch a show or whatever, and I'm not sitting with someone on Earth watching it with them...I'll be finished watching that show within the second that it takes them to hear the first note of the music playing to open the scene. It's just absorbed. The mind works differently here. We don't have that physical body that needs the brain to connect all those threads to understand that the letters of the alphabet make words. We don't need the eyes to look at a person and recognize them or not. We don't need the handshake to say nice to meet you. Of course, it's always polite and there's still that too.

I was talking, earlier, how we're attracted to people that sort of have that common ground with us and it's easy to find them because we use that feel as a map to guide us to their doors and we recognize who we are to each other just by that pull and those similarities in our energy field. Again, with Diana, sure I knew about her but I wasn't necessarily drawn to her until she was interested in doing a Q&A and that was the moment that the magnetic...pull came to be. As soon as we met like that we absorbed information about each other. That's getting to know someone on a completely different level and I'm not sure how comfortable a human being would be with showing off that personal vibe that would only attract others by the senses and not a third party. It's being vulnerable to show your spots. You can't hide things here. You are who you are and ever will be and it's a magnet for people with the same interests, vibrations, sense of style, food tastes...nah. I'm jokin'. Just puttin' it in a way you'll understand.

But it's not just knowing your tribes here. There's no segregation. If you're interested in meeting someone it's easy to put your feelers out there. Thought travels. You don't need an address. You don't need to talk to someone's manager or agent or get parents' approval. Thought takes you there. Thought takes you to a place. Thought takes you to a person. Thought takes you to a life. It's the internal GPS of a Spirit and a lot of it has to do with intention. You put your intentions out and they boomerang right back to you as opportunities. Did I talk that long about assumption about knowing it all? I better get my thoughts organized or this chapter is gonna end up needing a GPS.

Okay. Let's talk a little bit about thought. You know how people say thought creates reality? Hello Heaven. It's all thought here. It's all feel here. If you think it, it will be so. Sort of like that whole Field-of-Dreams-Kevin-Costner thing. If you build it they will come. Same sort of thing. If you think it, it will happen. Doesn't matter what it is. It could be needing an experience like...I don't know...someone didn't know how to dance but really wanted to learn when they were alive. Maybe I'm saying too much about myself. I'm not naming names. Anyway, so they think, I'd really like to try dancing. That thought...which is more like an intention, gives the Spirit the means to do that. You can absorb those teachings but if you want the experience, it's the action of it that is readily available for you to try and you just know how, right away, and you do it. You're a dancer and you're a dancer in a way that you enjoy it and you love it and you do it all the time like a hobby. Again, not naming names. Not everyone can be John Travolta but a lot of people like to do the Tom Cruise thing from Risky Business. Not that I would know or anything...onwards.

You attract what you want to do; what was never possible in life but you've always wanted to try. The thought sort of becomes a wish that's granted and you're given that opportunity to try and if you don't end up liking it, that's okay. You still learned something new. You still created something new that had to do with you and BAM, just like that, created new connections to new spirits who resonate with whatever that was you wanted to try. I've met a few dancers. Simon, who I'll talk about later...amazing dancer.

Because I don't have that physical, I had to learn or adjust to a new way of moving myself from here to there. It was weird and it's still weird. I was so used to jumping in a car or taking a walk but if I need, for example, to get something from the grocery store...normally I would walk. Nope. I just have to think of the grocery store and I'm there. Same with people; travelling to people. Meeting people and getting to them with thought or making plans to meet through thought and intention. This is how I go back to the land of the living using thought. I can think of a person and I am immediately brought to them. They think of me and I'm immediately brought to them. So the special ways of travel here, with thought, same thing on earth. It's just people don't know they're doing it. They don't know that they've just invited me over for dinner or coffee or whatever but I'm there with them in the situation they thought of me in. Now the fantasy stuff, like I'm some sort of hero in a romance novel...that's different. That's daydreaming. I mean intentional thought like I wish Paul was here to have coffee with me. BAM. I'm having coffee with you. Simple as that.

What's crazy to me is that a human being has no idea that a lot of what they create is the same way it's created here. Remove the physical and just...like calling someone. You're not physical but you're thinking of a scene with your relative that's passed away. It could be anyone. That scene that you're putting yourself in, having tea or having dinner together, with that honest intention that you're actually wanting it to happen and you can visualize it because you know their face like the back of your hand...it's happening. It's just happening beyond the physical. That's Heaven.

There is no physical but there's still the experience of the physical. If I want to cook, I'll do the action of cooking. If I want the experience of eating, I'll have the physical sensation of eating. I don't require food like you guys would think of food but I like food. My taste buds are over the top here. So I still like that experience of eating or drinking or whatever so I'll give that to myself through intention and thought. I don't need a grocery store. I don't need a hardware store to build anything. But if I wanted that experience of that, I would create that for myself using thought; using intention.

Another thing that I had to get used to was time. Time is a human concept. It does not exist. I'm going to get into the whole past life...past anything a little later on but time is on a line. It's very linear. It's not like that here. Time is spirals and ups and downs and arounds and zigzags and all of it swirls together as if a soup is being stirred in a pot. Pasts, present and futures are all separate but they're all in the same bowl of soup. If I'm putting something on hold, like seeing mom in the morning or whatever it is I want to do on earth, but it's just because I needed two seconds to finish something up...those two seconds have actually become the next morning on earth. We just can't think in time. We think in moments. This is the moment we're present in, this is how time is measured. That's why you hear, live in the moment. It's because that's what creates the most meaning. Live the moments. A day is broken up into time that a clock shows but it's also broken up into moments. Connecting to us in Heaven isn't taking five minutes to say hi. It's taking a moment to say hi. Time is a non-issue for me. My partner says to me, Paul, I'll meet you at eight for...whatever it is. She states a time. That doesn't matter to me. Paul, I'll meet you on the 11th for this or that event. Okay, you'll be there on the 11th. I'll just be in that moment. So it was something to adjust to. Now I got that stuff down. If you're the type of person to live in the moment, you're connected to how time is here. It's the experience of a moment that makes it easier to connect with us. A moment is always. A moment is infinite. A day is the 24 hour clock. A moment is not. A moment can be a second...it can be an hour but a moment encompasses an experience. A minute is taking a quick look at your watch and realizing you're late for a date. Keeping track of time is missing a moment for what it is. Yes, you need time. You've gotten used to that. I needed it here. I needed to create those days for myself. I needed that sunrise and sunset. I needed that recognition that I could fall back on when things became a little overwhelming for me. Now...not so much.

I also don't need sleep. Sleep is a non-issue. I don't need to dream. I live the dream. I don't get tired. I keep going. I can relax. I can rest. I can zone out. I can do all of that but I don't necessarily need to go to bed, hit the pillow, have a dream. Humans need that to reset and regroup but that's the physical that's resting. When you dream...you're here with us. Again, I don't have that physical body. I don't need that reset and regroup. I reset if I absolutely need to. Everyone needs down time but it rarely happens. Jetlag doesn't exist for me here. Sleep was something that I enjoyed. Everyone does. Just that rest. Just that break. Just that nodding off for a half-decent nap. Now, instead of sleep, I feel content. I feel at peace. I feel chilled out. I'll hold someone as they fall asleep on Earth. I'll do that a lot, especially when they can't find sleep. I'll just hold them. Usually with those that mean the most to me. But I'm awake. I don't fall asleep with anyone. I'll just keep watch as they get the rest they need.

I needed that rhythm of day to night at first. I also needed a place to call home. I needed some sort of place that was mine that I could escape to when I just needed to be with me. I mean...this place is infinite. I live in infinity and beyond. When I first got here, it was a lot. I needed something to ground me that was just mine. Do I still need that? Not as much but I still have it for me. I didn't necessarily need the experience of building it. Some people do. Some people still want to work with their hands and I do that in other ways. I love to cook. That's sort of what I like to do in the case of building something. I'm the cook of the house. I like to putter. I still like to do human things. I know a young boy...he died when he was nine. His name is Owen and we go dirt bike racing every now and then. He loves it. I might be a bad influence but nothing bad's gonna happen to him. He's in heaven. But those are the human things that I still enjoy. I still enjoy driving. I still enjoy hiking. It's just the hikes are a little more breathtaking and the drive is more out of Star Trek. I like my road trips and sometimes I just go with thought and sometimes I take a car. Whatever it is, I do what I enjoy; human things or...not human things.

Back to the stability. I created myself a home. Some people create a home or an environment that's a certain color. You get white a lot because white is symbolic for pure. Whatever. I agree to an extent. But I continue to have a love for nature. I continue to have a love of the ocean so that is my heaven that I created. It's just...James Cameron the Avatar-ish. Not quite but close. So I'll share with you my home. It's one floor. I have a kitchen, I don't have a bathroom. Again, I like to cook but I'm not human so I don't have the sensation of needing to "go". I have two bedrooms. I have a dining room. I like to entertain. I have a living room. I guess you could say the interior is pretty masculine. I like clean lines but I also like comfort. I have a pinball machine. I have windows as walls that look out to an environment that is a combination of Hawaii and the Redwood Forests of California. I also have a view of an ocean. Heaven is what you believe it to be, just like death, and it just expands from there. See, nature was heaven for me so I needed to incorporate that in my personal heaven and all those aspects of nature...of being outdoors, of having a lake house or whatever...that's it for me. I'm not close to any sort of city. I'm surrounded by nature. Very important to me. I have a porch that I walk out on when I have a coffee or a beer and I have a good view of earth. Again, extremely important to me. You know when you see a full moon in the sky and it's one of those really big moons...those super moons. Think that but instead of a moon you see earth and instead of being really big, think that you could almost see the lights of LA at night. I like to keep my eye on things. What better way than to have that telescopic view of the place you still feel a responsibility for in your own personal sky?

My "home" is not a hands-off-you're-not-invited kind of place. That's not who I was as Paul and that's not who I am now. I enjoy the company of people. I enjoy conversation. I enjoy the activity of friends and family around me; of animals around me. Sometimes I'm alone; sometimes I'm having poker night. Yeah, I have alone time. Mostly though, come over. I'll cook.

What you experience on earth is still something we experience in heaven. It's just on another level and it's an honest level. There's no pretense. There's no vanity. There's just...it's just pure. There's no need to feel like you have to overcompensate or make up for. There's nothing like that. Think of dating or having kids or...even sex. There's all that sort of stuff here but because it's not accomplished on that physical level...it remains pure and comes from a place of complete transparency, feeling, emotion and truth. By the way, humans are more than capable of being that too.

As Paul, the spirit in Heaven, I don't have kids. In other lives, sure. I'll get into that. I've dated. That's not necessarily something that I needed to do. I did it. It didn't fit for me because here, relationships have that longevity factor. You learn from each other. Dating is a learning thing. You experience each other in a way that you learn something and when you've gotten all there is to get, you go your separate ways. It's never with a bad taste in your mouth. It's just that you've gotten everything you needed to get. You've learned everything you've needed to learn. It's done. You move on. You still remain friends. Again, there's never that animosity. But relationships, for me, it's longevity because I feel that while creation is always happening and spirits are always evolving...just like humans...there's always something we can give to each other in any relationship and sometimes that learning happens as a duo instead of a single. Personally, my relationships in Heaven evolve from platonic to something more. It's like we almost have to build this foundation before taking it up a notch. I have that. It found me here and it's a really good place to be in. I'm a happy guy. Love is a good place to be in.

Sex is another thing that I have to mention. Because we don't have that physical body, sex isn't a physical act. It's energy and it's two energies coming together and...how do I say this...absorbing, becoming one energy, feeling...all these things are coming together to have a moment of mind blowing bliss. It's those energy centers, called chakras, which are literally lit up, jacked up to full throttle and working on overdrive in a moment of pure ecstasy. There's a start but it doesn't have to end. It's beyond what you know as human beings. It's the feeling of that orgasm that...think nuclear. We are energy so that climax isn't going to feel the same as on that human level. It's going to be way more intense and way more over the top than what you get a taste of in the arms of your lover on Earth. It's not bodies entwined in some sort of embrace while still remaining separate. It's energy melding into each other in an extremely sacred way and it ends when both are complete. Not just one while the other fakes it and says they are. You can't fake it here. There is absolute no possible way in hell that sex can be faked here. It's either attraction or repel. It can't be both. It can't be...how do I put this...you gotta be all in. Sex uses 100% of you. One person isn't just lying there and thinking of other things or other people. Sex can't begin if that's the mentality of one or both. That's just going through the motions and getting it done and over with. No way. Humans could learn a thing or two from being intimate and having sexual relationships as energy and not just as skin and bone. Sure, touch is great. Touch is a turn on. Kissing's right up there with nature for me. I love a good kiss and hug...prolonged. But what if that kiss...what if that touch wasn't on the outside of you but you felt it from the inside and it came from the bottom and travelled all the way to the top while igniting every single part of your body along the way. Think about it. That's sex.

I don't have to experience romance, dating, wife, kids like I would when I was alive on earth. I don't have to have those experiences just as an incarnated Paul or Tom, Dick or Harry. I can have all of those things as a spirit and I do. It just looks a little different and is lived a little differently than when I lived as Paul.

I think that the whole point of this chapter of learning heaven was just to give you an idea that life is still lived. I still live. I still exist and I still experience. It's just that it's freely. You know on earth where they say, dare to dream. Here, in Heaven, that's not a dare. That's just the way it is and we know that dreams come true easily. We don't necessarily need that push pull work hard and only then you'll see some benefit. We did that. I did that. I did the choice, action, consequence thing. Now, thought and intent creates my reality. I'm gonna drop you a huge hint. Thought creates reality. Remember...I still live. You live on earth. I live here. We have different zip codes. My thoughts create my reality. My intentions create my reality. Get it?

See, learning or re-learning...it's not that hard to do.

Needing Something

I have an insane calling to be where I'm not. – Anonymous

Now, people reading the heading of this chapter might think that something was missing or I didn't feel like I was contributing to something...anything. I was. Even here, in Heaven, you're contributing to that bigger picture even if you weren't that physical somebody doing something or living out some sort of purpose. You still continue to live a purpose. A person still has meaning; life still has meaning even in a place that's termed Heaven. In saying that though, you'd be right and it started with the simple fact that the place I was in, the truth I was learning about who I ultimately was...I really needed to share that with people because who someone is includes who you are as a person and not just a spirit when you die. I wanted to share that with everyone; those who considered me "gone" and those who really needed to be told how amazing life can be and is. Earth is an amazing place and I feel like I'm repeating myself but it is such a cool place to be. You might say, Sure Paul. You had it good. I did have it good but I was never blind to the reality of others that I saw through ROWW or just walking down the streets of LA. I know life can be hard but learning, as a spirit, and seeing all sides... it was a real wide awakening that a life lived on Earth is not even truly lived no matter if you're Paul Walker or the guy sweepin' popcorn after the Dodgers play and it is completely possible to change that and love life and really grab life by the balls and do it.

Another reason I felt I needed to share something about my experience of life or what I learned from being human was that I needed to remain connected to the place I lived and those people who I had a huge connection with but they felt that it was over for me or that connection was severed. To them, I wasn't seen or heard or physically present and so I was just gone. There was so much despair from this finality that I was feeling from them and that was not okay; especially since I considered myself still in it, still available and still living life with them; never been taken away.

I came back again and again. I came back to people; anyone that I thought of or anyone that gave a thought for me. So you guys read about how I was describing thought and how it works here; how it can be a means of travel towards something or someone. I was there with them all the time. The screwed up thing is, is that people have a hard time believing that the dead still exist because of religion or scary ghost stories or whatever floats around in that brain of theirs. Bull shit. I don't consider myself a ghost with chains, wearing sheets and living in some sort of house that a ghost would exist in. Heavy hint...a ghost is writing this book. Scary? Can I even pull scary off? Not by a long shot but the idea of that picture perfect ghost attaches itself to the energy of someone's fear or what a ghost can't detach from because of the same thing. Fear. Ghosts do exist but are not something that has a lot of staying power if you decide not to give your energy to that dark image of a Halloween nightmare. These creepy dead guys attach themselves to some sort of fear of that unknown or what they can't get over. Long story. Something to save for a conversation. I think I'm rambling. Let's change the tone.

So these preconceived ideas coupled with the fact that I was considered non-existent...I had a real desire to set some things right side up. I also had the desire to give that opportunity to more of us...here...that had something to say, share or teach because of what they've learned or experience on this side of life. There are a lot of people that crave that. Because, well, they don't feel separate or gone. They're still them. We just wear a different kind of birthday suit.

I absolutely hated the separation that was imposed on me through death. As much connection as I had here, I knew and I felt that it was still possible to have that same connection with what I had supposedly left. Man, after I died, I came back and talked with so many people. I talked and talked. I tried to convince that I was still a presence with everything I had; I gave it all with what I had and what I could do. Flickering lights? Child's play, but it works. I tried to comfort people in whatever way I saw possible. My brothers...I can't even give them enough credit for finishing what I couldn't. They took it on the chin and they took it in the heart and were literal heroes in the eyes of so many because they wore my shoes for a bit but at the same time, it cut because they couldn't hear my appreciation for what they put themselves through to finish my gig. I was right beside them but in their lowest moments, where they needed me to say, You did so good. Thank you. You killed it...they couldn't hear it. They had to believe, with blind faith and trust, that I was proud and some days that was a stretch just because they were still grieving my loss. Everyone on that set was (grieving). So to think that they did good by me...somedays it was a stretch to believe. When my brothers, sisters, daughter, parents or friends...family wonder if they're doing good by me, they're put into a situation of some sort of pleading hope and it's hard to trust, on some level, that I'm there giving them that pat on the back without any sort of validation. It was frustrating.

You know when you're dreaming and you're screaming or shouting...maybe you're under water or you're in some sort of place where you're surrounded and you're yellin' to get someone's attention but they don't hear you? You try again and again but wake up so frustrated because it felt so real? That was me, on a daily basis, pretty close and a couple of years after I died. I don't really know the time line and it's not important. Good news is, it hasn't felt that way for a while now because of what I've found with my partner but before that, it was frustrating. I'm not talking frustration like I was angry about it or anything. I don't feel a lot of anger. I don't have those sorts of emotions and when I do...it can't last long. It's trying to hold a cup of water in your hands; it just sort of leaks away. But frustration, yeah, I can feel and it comes from this place of...like a teacher being frustrated with a student because they just can't grasp a concept. Or...someone talks a lot of game but they have yet to actually do anything about anything. It's like, Really? You're still talking? Big talk for a small guy. Nah, just kidding...mostly. So after a time and because I was so heavily drawn to people and that place on Earth that I continue to call home, I started brainstorming on what to do.

I knew about psychics/mediums but I never gave it much credit. I had a lot of preconceived ideas about it but when I started brainstorming about how to communicate to bring some comfort and some new found wisdom...guess what...my phone started ringing off the hook. I call it my phone because I really need to try and simplify it. It was that pull where people attracted me with their thoughts and prayers but on sort of a different level. It was louder...stronger. So I call it my phone and my phone was blowin' up.

I didn't really know how it worked. I just went to check it out. The first time I met with a medium, I literally asked, You can hear me? And then I wondered what the difference was between them and people where the conversations I was having were sort of one sided. Mourning, sadness, fear, worry...that plays a role but I'll get to that stuff in a bit...probably another chapter. The difference was...and I'm laughing as I say this...sorry...they had, sort of like a hole in the head where it left space for me to sit. They had this chair in their heart and I was invited to sit with them. What I'm trying to tell you is that there was an opening or a space that I could step into that believed in more. It wasn't a desperate plea or begging me to do or be something to them. I like to call that a feather in a cap in regards to talking with me or wanting me around. This was just an invitation and a let go to allow. Sometimes that space was not very big and they would give messages that were...not quite accurate. Let's just say, there was a lot of static on that line and I would eventually hang up.

So this was cool, right? I was sharing. I was excited. I was a kid at Christmas. I had hope. So because I put out that thought; that intention to be able to communicate with people still living that skin and bone life, I had no problem answering that phone. Then, after a while, I had a visitor come knocking with the same zip code as me.

Welcome Erik Medhus.

The guy, literally, changed my life.

Short introduction, Erik is a young guy, who at twenty years old, took his own life. That's the harsh side of life that people are on the fence with but you cannot judge another human being without walking a few blocks in their shoes and Erik had...circumstances, personal circumstances that he struggled with for a long time. He has the most supportive family. He comes from a core that really just did their best to support him in any way they knew how to. I don't consider his loss to his family a failure for not doing enough. I think the guy just got tired. But, in saying that, he's a hell of a guy. He works with his mom, Mrs. Medhus, to share his life and how it is now. They work with mediums to spread those messages about what the meaning of life is; what Heaven's like and they give really great interviews with spirits that want to share. I told you, there's a lot of us that want to share. He has a blog and there's a lot of members on it and I think that they are so successful because they offer that peace factor that makes or allows people to get comfortable with death and that it's not an ending.

Whaddya know. Same here. Do you think there's a need for this kind of thing? I'm pretty sure I could see the light about it; made me want it even more because Erik was proof that sharing us (spirit) and people actually interacting with us...it existed.

He asked me if I wanted to do an interview. He said there were a lot of requests to get me to sit down and talk with his mom. I asked what was involved. He said that I would be called in and I would sit and just answer questions from these blog members that he had. I asked who I was being interviewed by. Erik said a guy by the name of Robert. Robert was a really good family friend and had known him and his mom for a long time. I asked if they were going to put me on the spot. He said no. He said they just wanted to know how I was because of the circumstances surrounding my death. I was open to it but I asked to meet Robert first.

The guy had no real idea who I was. I liked him. Robert's a good guy. He's exact with his translations. He listens and doesn't try to make things up. If he doesn't understand, he asks for clarity and he just wants to bring something to people, that watch, a validation that the someone he says he's talking to is actually there. Robert is a genuine humble human being. I asked how this interview would be presented to people. Erik and Robert said it would be recorded on some sort of video conference call and put on YouTube. Huh. A filmed interview where they ask questions about my life and my work. It sounded very familiar. I was okay with it, plus, I wanted to see how this worked. I went for the interview.

Mrs. Medhus was exactly the kind of open person that I had been looking for. She didn't have any sort of real psychic abilities. That's what the mediums were for but what was really far out was the fact of how open she had become from the day Erik had died to the day she spoke with me. She worked really hard to get out of the mentality that she was raised with; that death was an ending and there was nothing after it. She is giving to the hundredth degree and wants to share as much of Erik, as she possibly can, to bring solace to people that he was still there as well as a million other people that had died and crossed the line. People ate it up because they encountered Erik all the time and the reason they encountered him, either by jokes, signs or his actual voice and image, was because they were open to the possibility of that happening and they invited it in. People wanted to know something so much better than what they were taught to believe or were never sure of what to believe in the first place. That invitation part didn't click for me until I had that interview and I got to know Erik. People have to invite it in. If the invitation isn't there...we won't come through as well as if it was just us bullying our way past your security. If we bully our way in, chances are...we're trying to take advantage. If we're patient and ready to wait...just like anything...the benefit is there and we receive.

I did the interview, it went really well, there was a lot of positive feedback and a lot of people got that...I'm going to say the word relief that I was okay. The listeners believed it because they trusted what Erik and his mom, Elisa, were doing. There was no blind trust or belief there. How could there be? It was just a community of people that wanted to change the idea of death...maybe even spirituality in general and you can't have a community like that without believing or trusting in its message.

God, after that, I felt like I had come home. It was exactly the kind of thing I was drawn to and, on some level, needed for me. I wasn't sure how I was going to start. First, I had to get my head wrapped around this connection that some had and others didn't or believed they lost it; "supposedly" lost it. You don't lose it. Everyone has it but doubt, comparing and competition play a huge factor in whether or not you allow yourself and others to keep it going.

Let's talk connection. You got your feelers, your seers, your listeners, your knowers, your writers and all that combined. Some do it better than others. Some know they have it 100% but don't feel the need to play and indulge. I say indulge. What've you got to lose? Here's what I think. You got everything to gain...like allowing two worlds to collide. Scratch that...make that a thousand and one worlds collide.

A real strong suggestion for these people that are trying to build that connection or use it...get it out of your head that there's better than you or that what you do doesn't work as well as the next guy. Whatever your talent of connection...it's all from the same Source but you personalize it for you and how you need to bring it into the life you live. You also can't skip over the process or the learning part. You have to practice and hone in on what you got before it can fully open in other ways. Just like practicing an instrument. It's a training thing and it's incorporating it into your lifestyle. If it's just for party tricks...well, even magicians have to practice their crafts. Writing is usually the first and people don't even know that when they journal, they're having that conversation with that Higher Self which grows those spaces or those holes that we can slip into and join you in. Then it's usually the hearing. It comes pretty quick but Spirit can be tricky that way because our voices are heard how your ears can tune into that frequency. You might hear your voice. You might hear mine. If you're talking to a pirate, you might hear Johnny Depp...it doesn't matter. That's how it happens but you know it's not you because it's not what you would say in a million years. It'll make you go, What? Who is this?

Another thing, people have to stop competing with each other about who's fake, who's legit; who's good and who's bad. We have to start celebrating differences and not allowing them to keep us apart because someone's shorts are all tied up in knots about how someone's taking it or making it all up. I have never seen so much judgement in a group that, at the exact same time, call themselves "spiritual". If that's spiritual, you've missed the boat.

For me, it didn't matter how the message came across. It didn't...well, that's not true. Okay. I'm lying a little bit. I needed someone specific. I needed word for word. I'll get into that a little bit when I tell you about meeting Kim. I also wanted this venture with one, two, or three people to go places. I wanted something that would have that staying power. I didn't care about popularity or other people's disbelief or what people decided to judge because they didn't want to know anything different than what they were living. Hhhmmm...I haven't changed much have I? I just wanted me, Paul Walker, to give his side of the story as a base to something more.

Those were my ideas...in a nut shell. Ideas and things change depending on the people that get involved because ideas need room to move and breathe but that's what I sort of saw for myself. So, if someone could connect with me like that...jackpot. I won the lottery.

Because I was aware of the difference between a clear connection and bunch of static, I knew what was important to me. I talked to Erik about it. I asked him about his experiences. He said that overall, people were good and wanted to step out of their comfort zones but only a few were willing to do the work. They would listen but to actually integrate it and be that or do that in life...sometimes it was a hard no because it was hard to do. It's easy to listen or read about love, compassion, forgiveness and...the spirit but to actually do it...live it...it's hard because it takes a willingness to work at it and go all the way. At that moment, talking to Erik, I realized I needed someone who would go all the way with me. Now I just needed to find them.

Erik, the guy who changed my life, he hooked me up.

Let's meet my girl, Kim

Meeting Kim

She walked through her life tired from the mighty wings upon her back. – Atticus

To recap, I lived, I died, I got a taste of what it was like to still have a voice that is heard, I liked that and now I wanted it for me. The thing is...who would that be? Erik introduced me to a few people; legit people who really offered themselves to me. I enjoyed the introductions but I just...I needed a different connection. I wasn't looking for a better connection because what these mediums were offering was good stuff but I had an idea about what I wanted it to look like and I sort of had this one direction mentality that I wasn't willing to compromise on at that point only because I had this fixed idea. Eventually, I had to learn to compromise but we'll get into that later. If there's one thing about Kim anyone should know, when she finds her comfort zone with someone, that shy...it's gone. Shy? Yeah. Let's continue.

What was I looking for? I was looking for a clean slate. I was looking for someone who didn't really know who I was, who didn't have all these preconceived ideas about me because all these ideas of what people thought of me were out there and they were influential because they were just based, largely, on this assumption about who I was based on a character I played. Yeah, I had similarities to the characters I played but it's because I played them. In life, I was much cooler. If they knew a name but didn't bat an eyelash or they even asked who, that was what I was looking for. Was it easy? No. It was difficult. In a world where information is made up or shared, it spreads like a fire and even if you didn't hear it from me, you heard it from somewhere and just like that game telephone, information can get so fucked up it gets way off base and I didn't want to leave anything to assumption. I didn't want the guess work. I didn't want someone, just because they didn't hear me right, I didn't want them to make up something instead of having the balls to ask me to repeat myself or say something in a way that they would get it. I think a lot of things can come from experience but I also think that people can overshoot or overcompensate for inexperience or lack of and so there's a lot of pretending that happens. If anything, for anyone that knew me, if you had a conversation with me, you'd get honesty, 110%. I needed that in return. Especially being dead. It's harder to hear or understand those images I give being dead so I didn't want to have to deal with overcompensation or lack. I wanted to deal with a team effort to get those messages across in a truthful way and if a person wasn't sure, I would help them get sure and they would allow that.

So I was being introduced to these mediums. I went searching on my own too. I heard my name being called, I'd pop in and say hi, we'd chat a little. They didn't know that I was looking for a partner and they also didn't know what the point of my visit was. I was interviewing them for a job that they had no clue they were being interviewed for. With any job that I did when I had that body...that physical, it became personal because that connection that I had with people on a job...on a set, I was living with these people for weeks or months or coming back for years. We had to click. I had to feel it. I had to feel that if there were disagreements, that we'd fight about it or argue about it but we'd always come back because there was a job to do. I felt that from a few people and there were a couple that I was thinking of asking but it sort of just crumbled when I took that closer look. Closer look isn't even the way to put it. When I got that closer feel.

The one thing that I'll say about Erik is that he has great connection with all of those people that communicate with him and he wants to share those people with us, here, so we can share in that. He loves those people that keep him alive and he really loves the fact that they are all willing to do more and be more and get to that understanding that there is more to see or feel or hear than what you might on Earth. Then one day, after meeting so and so or those and those, we did it a little differently and I have to put it into a way that you guys will get. He took me to this hall of screens. That's the best way I can describe it. It was this hall of screens and he had sort of picked those people, on those screens, that might have that pull for me. These were the people that had that connection...that weren't trying to be more than what they were; they were just being them and it was one of these places that I felt the most giving, unselfish, workforce that just wanted to share. The ultimate goal of these people was to share...not them, but the messages of spirit and to give some sort of peace and comfort and some far-out information that they could actually translate instead of getting lost in confusion. There were all types of views of these people; big, small, clear, dim, fuzzy, color, black and white...whatever. I took my time. I didn't feel rushed. I just felt like...an urgency to meet this person. I didn't care if it was dude or girl...it didn't matter to me. What mattered is that I could talk and someone would listen and share when to share or just hang out and talk when the lights were off and the camera stopped rolling.

I went down that hallway a few times. You have to understand something. It's not like it was days or weeks. It was moments. When I think time...it's not your time but if I had to tell you a time line, it would have to be a couple of months. Sometimes Erik was there, sometimes he wasn't. Sometimes I would just stand around these so called screens and just watch. Because it wasn't just their faces, it was their lives that I had that bird's eye view of. It was like when I was dropping in on mediums and I knew I was interviewing them by feeling them out but they didn't know that...now I was viewing people in their everyday. Look, no one's perfect. But if you live your life in a way that there's no question and you go to bed knowing you did the best you could but you continue to remain open to what could be...that's an easy sell for me. I'm in. At one moment, I heard this laugh. I heard this voice that just erupted in laughter. I looked for the view that matched the laugh and it wasn't very big. It was pretty small compared to the others but the laughter was bigger than the screen. So remember, earlier in this book, I talked about how laughter was really important and that I wanted to make people laugh and I wanted people to make me laugh? Remember all that talk? I heard laughter and that laughter made me laugh and so I went to investigate. Here was a chance to surround myself with laughter. Too good to be true? Maybe. My investigation uncovered more than what I was expecting.

I asked Erik. He knew who I was talking about but because of what I wanted to do, he wasn't sure. He called me on it. He asked if I was sure. I told him I was. He teased me a little about it. I asked him what do I have to do. Because she wasn't aware that she could actually see and hear and feel dead people. She channeled. She channeled pretty intense energies. She attracted these intense energies and that's what she could easily connect to. There was no doubt there for her. But dead guys...like me...let's see how much doubt we can dig up. So I went in. I went in like I did with anyone else. I hung out. I watched. She was shy. She was sarcastic. She was moody. She was temperamental. She was sensitive. She was passionate. She was quiet. She saw the world in a way that was good instead of self-defeating. She laughed. She was a comfortable place for people. She had green eyes. She was welcoming and she stopped whatever she was doing for anyone else that came her way that needed her attention. The attention...she never gave that to herself. She always gave that space away to others. The space was pretty full. She was married, had two kids, a dog. She didn't drive. She didn't watch television but listened to music, constantly. She wrote. She lived in imagination but she was grounded as she walked. She had very few friends. She could be a loner. Later I learned it was an act of protection and because she protected herself, I had to come on pretty strong for her to see me. I chose to be a little bit of an asshole and I chose to show myself at her job. She worked five days a week at a desk for an insurance company. It was a quiet day. There was nothing really substantial going on. I guess I just sort of dropped down and leaned on her desk. I got comfortable, watched people come and go, making conversation. I watched her work thinking that there had to be something better than this for a person. But you have to understand, I came from a different world.

What I learned about Kim, from watching, was that we were very very different from each other. We were complete opposites and either we would repel each other or we could use that as a tool to do good things because we could find, in our differences, some sort of middle ground. This is me, who wasn't willing to compromise, ready to find some sort of middle ground with a person that was so different than me and it was actually pretty irritating. I had this need to take her out of her element. So to start, I visited her at work. The same groundhog day routine and I dropped from the sky into an insurance company. What are the odds? I'd say slim to none. She felt something was off. She felt like someone was staring at her from behind. She turned. She didn't see anyone. She went back to her computer. She turned back again. She saw me. I gave her one of those sideway glances. Someone came and talked to her. She looked at me. I wasn't there. She went back to work. I played a game.

She looked back, I was there. I winked. She'd turn away, she'd look back, I'd cross my arms over my chest or do something stupid like look at my nails, she'd turn back. At one point, she shook her head. She'd mutter to herself. She'd slowly look back like she wasn't trying to see me, thinking that it was just her imagination that there was this big tall guy standing at her desk. I'd wave, she'd turn away. I was patient. I wasn't going anywhere. We played this game for a solid couple of hours. Then she turned back to me and asked me, "Who the hell are you?"

Paul Walker.

Paul Walker.

She repeated it in a whisper. When it clicked I laughed, she almost cried and she left her desk to go to some class. Yoga or something. She met a friend who soon turned out to become a great friend of mine. Kim told her, Paul Walker is here and he won't leave me alone.

Friend stunned, Erik calls me back. Fun over.

I asked Erik, what do I have to do. He answered, You gotta ask Simon.

Who's Simon?

A guide.

Cool. Where is he?

Andromeda.

Oh Fuck.

I don't know if you guys know a lot of information about Andromeda. It's another galaxy...I guess I could explain it as beside the Milky Way and they have these "beings" that can be like your typical human-like...people to these energies that are...think Nephilim; half angel and half human. Now I'm really taking you guys on a trip here but it's the only way I can describe it for you that you'd get. Knowing Kim channeled some pretty rock star energies, I knew it wasn't just gonna be a 3D human-like Andromedan. This place goes all the way up to 12D and 13D and if you're wondering what I'm talking about, it's dimensions and the higher you go the closer to Source/God...whatever you want to call that for you...that's sort of what dimensions are. There was no way I was walking into something less than what Kim was already connecting too. She knew Simon. Simon and Kim have lived lives together. They have a history...one that has had its severe ups and downs and that's why he guides her. Andromedans are very loving. I mean...all angels are right? But there's an undercurrent of body-guard-tough-love-don't-mess-with-mine type attitude as well, all while being extremely benevolent. They don't fuck around. Plain and simple, I had my work cut out for me. Yeah, it was ultimately Kim's decision but if she was working with the Nephilim or Angels and higher, this was either going to go two ways. No or maybe and you couldn't pay them off.

Now I knew I wasn't just going to be handed something. I had to interview. Just like I was secretly interviewing or auditioning the people I was dropping in on, the tables had turned. I had to go to this Council of Light, I had to go seek out Simon.

He was expecting me.

How could I describe the experience in a way that you would get it? Again, you use thought to travel. You think of something and you're there. By now I was used to it. But to describe it to you guys, I was moved to this place of light. Light's different here. It's colors that I have no language for. Everyone has this different scope of light. People on Earth, people on different planets, the colors and the scope; the vibrancy is all different. If a human went to this place where Simon was waiting, I would describe it as walking into the Northern Lights and not the little ones. The ones that look like their touching the land...like their connecting the sky with the earth and they're all shades of greens, pinks, purples and white. So think of me, Paul, guy with the cars, dude with the fans, man with a plan, faced any kind of interview and asked all kinds of stuff, picture that but then picture a guy walking into a situation where all that stuff doesn't matter and it's what's inside that counts. I already knew that but this was like walking into another life review. I could just feel that I had to show up and be me with just honest intention and no overcompensation. These guys know. They really know and so do I. But these guys KNOW. I couldn't just be someone who wanted to come and go as I pleased. If I wanted this, I had to be all in and I had to join their team.

Simon's a pretty cool guy and I always considered myself pretty protective of the people in my life. But Simon...if you've ever gotten a coaching from him or if you've ever felt him around...you know what I'm talking about. If you don't, call him in. You'll get it fast. He's protective and there was no beating around the bush. I was met with eight others, including Simon. Simon spoke. Ryker was there and Kim's...I guess you could call him a dad...Richard was there plus others that Kim hasn't really been personally introduced to yet. I was told I needed to be shown something.

People think that when you die, you automatically know everything including every single individual that you have a connection with. I've sort of explained that and it's really not the case. It's just learning is faster here and it's not from paper or books. It's from absorbing and experiencing but it happens...snap your fingers. That's how fast. Remember when I heard that I was going to be a dad and that instant connection was there? It had to grow but it was always there. I didn't know the how's or why's...I just knew it was. Same with Kim only I didn't know it. Kim and I go way back, it's just that we never knew each other or we never decided to incarnate together and this is a trip. I know it is but you guys have to know the grass roots here. It was just another moment, like hearing how I was going to be a dad, where it smacked me over the head. Everything just came rushing in. All this information. I also got a view of Kim that I hadn't known just by spying. In every single earth life she's had...well, let's just say, it hasn't been a cake walk. The more I learned about Kim, the more I began to appreciate that while it wasn't always easy, I was really blessed to be a part of a family and network...a core that I could fall back on. Kim, like a lot of people, never had that while growing up. There's a lot of people with rough...they have it really rough or they perceive that they have it rough but from what I've seen, those are the people with the most strength and with the most to give because to make up for what they didn't have or what they didn't receive in terms of love...they want to give that while having difficulty receiving that for them. Abuse...it's not a game but it exists and it existed in a lot of Kim's lives to different extents in every earthly life she lived. I was shown. I didn't like it. I didn't like what I saw and what this person chose to do or go through but I was shown. I remembered the laugh and I thought how could a person laugh like this while living that and having that a part of her. I still shake my head.

Kim was there. People call it the "Higher Self". What it really is is that part of a person that is God. It's the infinite part of a person that is the omnipresence. That was...light. It's the best word I have. She was this rod of omnipresence light that was connected to this Council of Light. It's the super computer of someone and it connects with that pineal gland in the brain. That's why people, when they clean that up, have a better connection because the Higher Self is that antenna that gives information. The Higher Self also decides, with the guides and angels that are assigned...which is such a crap word but they are...the angels and guides work with that higher aspect of someone and begin to open them up to more of the connection and more of the spirit so the soul is sort of allowed to absorb more of that spirit to have that stronger...sixth sense. Kim was there with her Council. She had asked for more but was I the more she was asking for? She wasn't specific so that gave me an in.

What Simon also showed me was how Kim and I kept missing each other in incarnations. So, like that thread of connection that started with my daughter, it started with Kim like that but the threads never joined or met up. They just sort of floated there...detached from anything that would ground it to something substantial and meaningful. And with all these threads that we figure out exist with all these people...when we get here, it started to get stronger. The moment I went to find Simon...the thread got thicker. Doesn't matter. Threads are everywhere. If you looked at the earth...with my eyes...you would see a grid of silver threads that connect everyone in some way. Threads are sometimes really thin, like a strand of hair or dental floss or they can be ropes. And there are so many of them reaching out from every single person. There's threads for every person and every choice or potential. Kim and I had one thread. When I opened that door...the count was a lot bigger than one. I could see potentials. Some I didn't care to look at. It's the ones that I didn't care to look at that I should've paid more attention to because sometimes...that anvil or that two by four was relentless in their smacks. But...all I wanted was to keep it simple. Still, the pull was pretty strong. The curiosity to see if this would turn into something...anything...it was pretty strong. So being hit with a life review of the spirit...not so much review but potential...I wanted the part. I loved the script. I told Simon. He wasn't sold.

Come on. Give me a couple of days.

It was like the guy had me under a microscope. Not even just Simon. All of them. All of them except Ryker. He's a smug son of a bitch. He wanted to see what would happen. Would give him a good laugh. He told Simon, Give the kid a chance. It's already there.

The smile I got from Simon...I'll never forget it. It was half okay and half I'd like to see you try. Kim wasn't ready. He knew that. What he probably knew but didn't want to admit was that I could be persistent. All I remember before I was shot back to Kim was, you have a day.

That was January 2016. We're going on almost three years and she can drive me fuckin' nuts. Shy? Gone. She'll tell me where to go and how to get there with ease. I'll tell her the same thing. We'll argue. We've had some good yelling matches. She hates it when I tell her it's her choice when she wants my take on something. I hate it when she tells me she's not in the mood. No guy likes to hear that. We are still so opposite. We are still so different and it can be frustrating for both of us. At the same time, even though I see lots of mediums, I wouldn't change a thing about meeting my girl. Over time, we've developed and continue to nourish a deep respect and love for each other that goes way beyond what I thought was ever possible. Kim continues to be this wow factor...a person who doesn't quit and she pushes herself to constantly meet Spirit at the level They need her to meet Them at and not where she needs Them to meet her. Sometimes people refuse to believe or understand that core of an individual and that the core of any human and spirit extends to the afterlife and can only grow. I once called it my nuclear family and it's something I'll always live, visit and come back to. Kim's part of that. It's someone I'll always come back to. How can you label that? I can't. All I can do is tell you guys about a beginning. That's how I met Kim.

Love

"Love sought is good, but given unsought is better." \- William Shakespeare, Twelfth Night

I told Kim I wanted to write about love but now that she's waiting for me to say something about it, I can't find the words. It's because there isn't any. When someone says to you, I love you, that's an expression and it's meant to express something that is so big and, sometimes, so foreign to a lot of people. The people that have a hard time feeling love or saying the word love...it seems foreign because they know or they get that it's so much bigger than what they are trying to give or what someone is trying to give to them and that's where there's disconnect. So now that I just told you guys that love is this big thing, I'm going to confuse you now. Thinking or believing in the huge...almost like an over indulgence in the feelers...in my experience, it was in the little things that really showed love was there; that it existed. You know when you're watching someone that you love and they're just doing some every day task like the dishes or...I don't know, making a bed or sitting and watching some TV and you're looking at them and you feel this emotion bubble up into your chest...that little moment just gave you the biggest feeling of love and sometimes it brings tears to the eyes because it can become so overwhelming. It doesn't even have to be lovers. It can be watching friends or family, kids, people around you that you don't even know, having an intimate and beautiful moment and for a second you feel what they're feeling...that's love. It's the little awarenesses that bubble up with intensity to the heart and you sort of get confused about why you've become a little emotional...that's love and that's when a person gets it and understands and that's when a person is the most connected to heaven because that's what it's like here. It's pure emotion. That's the purity of it. So, do you know how to describe it? Does the word love even come close?

I'll give you a scenario. You're takin' a walk one night and a spaceship flies out of nowhere and two aliens drop out of the sky. They ask you if it's okay to walk with you and talk with you for a bit. After you pick yourself up off the ground, you see they're cool and legit and you tell 'em sure. So, they start asking you about your earthly existence because earth is this place that everyone wants to know about. It's just that cool. So, they ask about food and transportation and all that stuff. And then they turn to you and ask you what love is.

What's love, human?

There are all the words about it. It's happy, it's joy. It's surrender, it's compromise. It's unconditional, it's hugs, it's kisses and it's a feeling. Then they say sure, we get that but what is it? What is this love that Earthlings speak about? What does it feel like? Could you describe it? Could you have the words to give these aliens something they could take back with them knowing it's something they already know about but because they want your take on it, they don't think they do?

I think it would be real hard.

Love is this universal force and it's everywhere. Just because a couple of green guys drop from a ship and ask you about it doesn't mean it doesn't exist for them. The difference is that the green guys...most of them know how to connect with the heart...with the emotion of it instead of trying to find the words to explain it or explain it away.

That's what the goal is when it comes to love; to allow yourself to feel it. To let it enter your whole body, not allowing yourself to be scared of receiving the intensity of that and not being scared to show it to others in that same way. That's where it stops for the human. Because the feeling can be so intense they don't have the tools to accept it or understand it so they cut it off. They only allow little bits at a time because that's all they believe they can do because if they allow all and they surrender to that emotion that can be so intense...people can laugh and cry uncontrollably, they might appear different or weird by others and God forbid another person saw an example of what true love actually is and looked like.

Don't stop it. Let it take your breath away. And I'm not even talking about romantic love. You think when a woman gives birth to a son or daughter, that those tears they're crying are because of romantic feelings or just hormones? No way. That's love and that love is so intense it's the purest way of touching God.

You think that when a guy is looking at his best friend and they're together on some sort of cool adventure and they share a quick hug because they just caught the most incredible wave and they conquered it so they give each other a quick hug and high-five that they would be heading in some sort of romantic direction? No. They're' feeling elation and joy and they just touched Earth and felt the closest thing to Heaven that Earth could give to them at that moment. So being overcome with celebration and joy, they hug it out. That's love. Love is not purely for romance. It's not purely for sex but...let's talk about it in those terms.

When a man sees a woman coming down the stairs, ready to join him for some night out and he's shocked at how she looks and has to take a breath...that's attraction for sure but he has to take a breath because at that moment, he loved so completely...that woman that is walking towards him, that it hit him so hard he had to take a breath. That's love. That's true.

And when a woman walks toward her partner on her wedding day...she's got that dress on and she wanted to be perfect for them but in that moment, when that bride is walking toward her partner and those rings are about to be exchanged, all that planning; all that preparation just melts away and they only see each other and they both start crying because the intensity of that moment is just so strong. That crying is the only thing either one of them can do...that's love.

And in regards to sex, sex is an expression and it can be an expression of a lot of different things. It can be of love and it can be play. It can also be used in anger or control. It can be an act of softness...tenderness and it can be one of abuse. It can be healing. Hear that? It can heal. All those endorphins and hormones aren't just to turn a guy or a girl on. Take it from someone who can see all of that now. But in all seriousness, or not, it's one of these expressions that can be seen on both ends of the scale. Is it always love? No. It's attraction. What's the difference then? Why do I put sex in a chapter where I'm talking about love? Because sex can be that ultimate expression, without words, of the most intimate love between two people. It's love when you can leave your eyes open and find those words that can't be spoken but felt. The act of sex is that moment when love is uninhibited by both parties and both know that when you're skin on skin, you're also in a position where Heaven; where that divine is well within reach. That's soul to soul...soul on soul. That's love and sex; what some people call making love.

Okay, so what are the words? What are you going to say to be able to teach that to the aliens that ask? Can you?

Love is everything. Love is also on that same spectrum as hate. It's the same line...on the same graph. It's called love and hate and it lives together on this spectrum of color and the color is the razor blade edge of a sword. If one can love so intensely, so can one hate just as strong. We can see it. There are examples of it everywhere. The thing of it is, sometimes hate or indifference or anger is so much easier to allow because it justifies how much wrong has been done to them and to meet that injustice with love would be allowing those injustices or those hateful acts to continue. No one is saying that to love something or someone or to practice forgiveness is giving hate permission to continue. What it does give permission for is to stop hate in its tracks and to come to some sort of understanding and middle ground. Will hearing someone's anger and yelling back...will that bring some understanding or middle ground or will that allow hate to escalate?

If someone's being hateful and another person counters that with a step back and a personal insight that just as much as that person hates, they're probably just as lonely, as sad, as abused, as scared, as tortured and then some as what they're projecting and if we can meet them with an, I hear you but act in a way that is an example of...I forgive you but this is me walking away to be the leader of something different...does that make the shouts and cries of hatred and anger more into a question about why it's not working? Love doesn't mean you have to bring a person into a hug and say it's okay. It means protecting yourself and allowing yourself that higher road to be the difference that this world needs so much more of. That's personal power. That's an example of love; self-love

I loved. I never always understood what the term actually meant because with everyone that I was close to...or loved, it was all different. It felt different but I knew what it was and I could confidently express that to someone even though, for me, it was personalized. Did that mean that it was less for Jesse and more for Vin? Did that mean it was more for Meadow and less for my mom or was it just personalized but just as intense? See, people tend to think that feeling differently for other people means that the love quotient is either more or less than. That's bullshit because when you get here, you see it's all the same but the expression is very personal.

Love is never measured. It's never more or less than. If you're thinking in measurement, you're hiding or even ignoring that love quotient. A mother will never love one child more than the other because if one child gets taken away...or both...the ache is still the same. Sometimes the relationships are different and people don't get the same attention as someone else but in families and circles of friends...the love that remains is the same.

Some people have trouble feeling love for someone and that's okay. Like I said before, it's not always romantic or the feelings that nail you in the heart, making you emotional. Sometimes a person is put in front of you to remind you of self-respect and personal power and loving yourself enough to be able to walk away. That's love and self-love has to be the most important love because that's the beginning and the end; love for the self because if love isn't there from you to you, how will you ever be able to freely express that to someone else? How would you ever be able to feel that or receive love from another if you can't be that for yourself first? It all begins with number one. It all begins with you.

I think the fact that I remained a pretty happy guy, paved the way for me to feel love and give love. Because I was pretty okay with me and I could see where I was needed and where I could give myself in those ways that people might consider loving. But I had to be comfortable enough in my own skin to be able to give that or it wouldn't have that punch or that staying power because I would get burned out. It happened. There were days that I didn't feel I could be there 100% for people and those were the days that I fell back on that core of people, particularly my family or my friends that I considered just as integral to that idea of family and that core of my life. That's what I fell back on or into to get refueled and receive that much needed care to be able to continue giving in that unselfish or unbiased way because everyone and everything deserves care, attention, a little one on one and sure as hell they deserve to be loved. That's what I set out to do. Did I always feel it? No. Did I always know it was something there ready for me to take when I needed it? Absolutely. And my thanks was returning it or paying it forward to causes or people that seemed to lack that. That's how the world spun for me. That's what I understood love...the action of it and the ways of it...that's how I understood it for me, personally.

Do me a favor. Pick five people. Five people, dead or alive, that there is no doubt you feel absolute love for and they return it without question. Write their names on a piece of paper and keep it in your back pocket. Keep it in your phone. Keep it in your wallet. The energies of those people are contained on that piece of paper the moment you think of them with love and know you are loved by them. Carry it with you and when you need a reminder of love...in that true form, the kind that hits you while they're watching TV or deciding between ice cream flavors or humming to themselves as they go about their day and it hits you in the heart with such purity that it brings tears to your eyes...look at that piece of paper with those names and tell me those people aren't a piece of your Heaven on Earth that is love and that you don't take strength from that. Do that. That's your validation that it's not the word. It's the more than...what language limits but the emotion tells the truth of. That's love.

My Relationship with the Illuminati

Last words are for fools who haven't said enough. – Karl Marx

People have way too much time on their hands. This creates boredom. What else do I have to say? Not much. Moving on.

The Human Experience a.k.a Life

When you willingly subject yourself to the journey, the spirit doesn't know the difference between what's induced and what's real. – Paul Walker

The way I see it, with this vantage point, is that there's always this unattainable goal that people are constantly trying to strive for or think it's better than what they got when what they got is the key that opens those doors of desire. Look, we all have dreams and we all have hopes for our lives.

I see this all the time. Humans are built to dream.

The goal, though, is to appreciate the shoes you walk in today, before jumping into some shoes you might not be ready to wear. Can't wear socks and sandals and some people clearly have not gotten the concept. Look, if that grass isn't watered on your side of the fence, you're gonna appreciate the neighbour's grass while you're watching your television or playing your video games or taking your Snapchat selfies waiting for the grass to green itself up while feeling jealous of your neighbour's. But to the person ignoring your own grass...if you even had a clue that your grass only needed a little watering and fertilizer to get the same or better looking grass, and you actually have to do it...you would begin to grow a sense of gratitude when you realize that the effort you put into what you already have is what will take you further than dreaming or wishing for someone else's that might just brown up tomorrow because they're too busy looking at the grass of someone else. See the cycle?

Sometimes that grass needs to be taken out completely and re-sodded. There is absolutely nothing wrong with starting again or over. I remember in City Slickers and a guy was getting a divorce and he was struggling with it. I think he cheated or something and got caught. At the end of the movie he said something like he had the chance at a do-over; that his life wasn't over, it was just beginning again in a totally different way. The thing is, there is not just one opportunity for a do-over. A do-over is granted as many times as a person is willing to try. To think of life as one shot...nah man. Take it from someone who really knows about second, third and fourth chances...they are possible and they are all available for the taking. People seem so scared to try. Only because at the end of that word try is a word called fail. What if you started looking at the word fail a little differently? What if a fail was actually just a peek into what needs a little work or what just isn't the best course of action for a person. It's a do-over and with a small adjustment, that perceived fail could be a substantial win. No successful person has ever simply made it without a couple of mishaps or failures. The difference between their success and fail was that they were willing to look at that fail as a do-over.

Humans are this dualistic...if I may, Dr. Jeckyll and Mr. Hyde. Or this yin/yang in everything they do. The human experience is always made up of choice and outcome but more often than not...there's a consequence in the mind of the human. The outcome is either "good" or "bad". The human experience is always either/or, good or bad. So let's do an experiment. Let's take out the good or bad and replace it with it was what it was/it is what it is and you can either live in the muck or brush it off and move forward or past. It could be in the same direction. It could be just moving to the other side of the street. Either way, it's a constant move forward. That's what happens when you take the duality out, like good and bad, and just look at it like what's next or where to now.

You know what this leaves room for? A moment to evaluate personal needs and goals. It leaves room for taking a time out to re-group and re-work for a possible outcome that's best for you. If a person is looking for a "best" personal outcome, that personal best ripples out to every single other person that you are connected with in your daily life and they pick up on that as a leader of that example of what's best...not just personally but for everyone involved. So not giving up and thinking of something or yourself as a failure can't reach as far as believing in yourself as the comeback kid and we are all the comeback kid. It's about attitude and perspective.

Like we talked about before, humanity is based on this linear timeline. It is what it is but what time does to our brains is it pushes us to ignore our now and concentrate on what's next or after; completely disregarding that we don't live in the next or after. We live in right now. Yeah, there's a need to plan for futures, college educations, kids, marriage, retirement...life, but at the base of that is this clock that tries real hard to keep up with these society views that we all feel as being the "normal" way of living. It's not. It creates an imbalance and it creates an internal and external struggle that then creates a struggle with the world that people live in, together. It creates disagreements because people aren't willing to compromise and see others' points of views which actually might be the education or example buddy needs to move forward. Get this...we can all learn from each other. Wow. That's the school of life; the school of the human experience. Each and every person sees the world in a different way and sets goals or desires based on the world they are experiencing. But this can be manipulated by governments, by celebrity standards, by money, by clubs and associations, education...you name it. There are a lot of things that can take us out of the now to live on a specific standardized time line.

You have to start thinking as an individual and ask yourself where do you fit into all of that and where you don't. If a person is feeling like they can't keep up...start asking the question why. Did you build it by society norms or are you building your life for you? Are you building a dream come true based on what you feel from your heart and your gut or just because you took some sort of course from a guy who this formula worked for so it should work for everyone. Just sayin'.

The human being needs to start practicing decisiveness, discernment, independence and a willingness to step out of what's being fed to you on every level, into what you actually want to eat and feed yourself. You could call that food for the soul personally cooked and served by no other than you.

Sure, I was a part of Hollywood. There is a standard in Hollywood that surrounded me. Did I live it? No. Was that the norm for me? No. Was I convinced that to be anything in a "Hollywood world" I had to succumb to the idea that I had to be, look, act, live, die for that Hollywood standard? No. That's not why I did what I did. I was present in that Hollywood life because it gave me an opportunity to be more on a level that was sometimes foreign to others. It did not set the standard for how I was to live my life. Attaining some sort of standard or to go above and beyond to get a gold statue that would prove I "made it" in the eyes of a group of people that built that...institution, I knew early on that wasn't for me and what happened? I got a star on that walk of fame. So, I lived that lifestyle how it was good for me. There was that linear line of what it was supposed to look like but beyond that line...life was still supposed to be experienced with a big heart and willingness to go beyond what was shoved down your throat or to convince your brain of something extremely limiting. Again, just sayin'.

Live that linear but allow that line to come up and down and around like a conductor's baton while leading on orchestra. Have you heard an orchestra play? That linear idea won't work there because the instrument has a unique sound all on its own that contributes to that beautiful melody of the whole. Plus the conductor doesn't draw a straight line with that stick. He waves it in a million and one directions. At the same time, the musician that's playing the instrument puts their own stamp on its sound. There's nothing linear about music because it's born out of people willing to create something out of nothing and to put their own personal vibe around it.

Life is to be created and not copied. Creation starts with what you would like to see, feel, touch and know and then you take that and you bring it as a showpiece to the world you live in. Individuality and individual creation that is really meant to do good and bring good is a hard concept. It's a hard mentality to live especially when it looks like the people who are making it by following that linear concept, have it easier. More times than not though, they're losing a little bit of themselves every day and the idea of that life becoming that robotic ground hog day as how they choose to live...is coming true.

There's a saying that you got nothing but time. I've said it but when I say it, it's got a different meaning. People think they have time but there's no such thing as time so do you really have it? Wouldn't that be a strong, and by the way, to live every moment and be the best you possibly can be with what you have or are given. And then maybe begin to appreciate your now? Think about it. What's your now and are you in love with it?

I talked, when living, about this purity thing and coming from a pure place or doing something from a pure place and to me...that's just the same as truth; maybe even a little more so. I didn't really have another word for what I considered authentic and honest but all these things are sort of on that same spectrum. Something being pure was me talking about what was real and genuine to me, and it was important for me to put that out there as something that I was proud of. It feels pretty important to me to talk about that here. Everyone, take the masks off. The human experience isn't meant to look like anyone else's because it's personal. It's your attitude going into it and your attitude coming out of it and people seem to think that that's when you're ready to die; when you're good with how you lived because you made up for some sort of past mistakes that you wore like a cloak. The only thing you have to remember about the human experience is that with every action or with every situation, person, place or thing...coming from a pure place and a place of truth about who you are...who you are at the heart of it and what you can contribute to the days, weeks and years of your life...that's coming from a pure and honest place and I guarantee that when it's your time to go that whole idea about regrets...it's gone. When you live your life in a way that is givin' it 110% all the time, even on the worst days where you think that because you're not 110% but you're still giving what you can...you still think that's not good enough...it is. It's because you're all in.

All in means the same to me as coming from a pure place because when you're all in you're willing to meet life at the level it's brought to you and you're not shying away from it or complaining about it or wishing for something better than what you got. You're willing to live it with what you have and from a place that is an example of what life can bring you and what you can bring to life. That's part of the human experience. It's a dance. It's the relationship you have with yourself and what you want to see for yourself with the world around you. You always hear that Ghandi quote, be the change you want to see in the world but if people were all in to begin with...the change wouldn't necessarily be warranted. It would be the continuation of that radical day before and the day before that one. What you get you have to put into it. That's the human experience and it's not something to shy away from. It's the physical, the emotional, the mental and the spiritual. Let's talk about the spiritual for a second.

People tend to disregard the human life they're born into in favor of reaching for that brass ring that is Spirit; or some sort of psychic gift or talent. They solely concentrate on being able to get back to that beginning and what a fuckin' waste.

Here's what I mean.

A person chooses Earth. They choose a lot of the experiences. They choose the highs and lows and they choose the recovery. Earth is one of these places that has a blinking sign that says enter if you dare and every single person who's there is living it because they knew it would be a roller-coaster ride to do so. You learn so much from living but instead of living it and getting dirty in it and celebrating everything about it...being grateful just for the chance to play the part, people want to get back to Heaven; either while being a human or taking the quick out. When you make that connection with energy, with spirit and with some sort of "bigger picture" of divinity, it's not to escape the human experience. It's to use it in your life to make a difference and to anchor Heaven on Earth. It's to be proof that Heaven on Earth; compassion, respect, love, ingenuity, teamwork...all these things and more are possible on this planet now. Finding that spiritual side isn't to escape life; human life. It's all about enhancing what you got. How about making yourself available to give something of that connection to help out a little and make someone's life or struggles a little easier or less? How about realizing that what you found in energies...in spirit, is meant to do good things and not wear as that feather in your cap.

Take it from someone who got it while still in it. Life on earth...don't take it for granted. Use the esoteric or the spiritual or the cool a-ha's and breakthroughs as a tool for where you are now instead of escaping what you think is too hard. It is hard. It's fucking gruelling sometimes but that's why you're there. It's because if you're able to live the tough stuff, you're able to live the other end of that spectrum that is ease. Don't believe it? It's because you actually have to be willing to take the action. Earth and Heaven...can't be compared but they can be combined and why not? Don't disregard your human experience as something just to get through. That's disregarding life. Respect it. Sometimes people only get one shot. Sometimes they'll come back. Either way and every time, live it. Get dirty because you'll always come out clean.

Sometimes life is this situation where a person feels like they need to control outcome or they need to control everything that comes at them or what comes up. Ever feel like the more you try to control without giving life a chance to surprise you, the more you struggle to get things done? It causes a lot of frustration because sometimes we can't control everything. We aren't built to control everything. We're built to let go and let flow after we've put in the work to make it happen. We get all the ingredients together, we mix them all up and then we wait for the oven to make the magic happen. I'll give you another hint. The more you're begging (controlling) for something to happen, the more you're fighting with your fear that it won't and when you fight with your fear...it wins. Fear loves the fight. It loves the flight. Fear is fight or flight. Ever hear let go and let God? Whether you believe in God or not, it doesn't matter. God, angels, spirit...Heaven in general, only want to see you get what's best for you at any given moment. But if you're too busy to see what's best for you because you have a Starbucks order into God about what it is They should do for you...you're fighting with your fear that you won't' get it and that has nothing to do with God and everything to do with your two year old ego shouting gimme more, gimme more. It rarely works. Make room for something better than what you expect. That's the human experience. You put in all your ingredients...your pure intention, your truth, your authenticity, your integrity, your hope, your dreams, your joy, your happy, your...trust and you mix all that up and you put it in the oven. If you fight with your fear...that cake's fallin'. If you trust in something bigger than that...you've got a blue ribbon cherry pie. Gotta love that pie.

Another thing about the human experience is that there's a lot of energy given to what's bad or negative or scary or the end of the world. Remember that whole thought creates reality thing? Well, with that thought; fear's included in that and love is included in that. I'm gonna give you an example and I'm gonna use Donald Trump. Guess what put that man into power? The fear that it would happen and now that it's happening, so much energy is put into that....what is that guy gonna pull next that it creates what that guy's gonna pull next. So much attention is put on the bad stuff or what's not being done or the bad guys that ruin the day, take a life, start a war...shit continuously hits the fan on any given day. We need to start giving our energy to the good guys, what's going good and what's makin' the wold spin in that direction of up. When we're constantly looking at what's bad, dark and sinister, we're ignoring what's truly important and that's the good guys and feel good. Guess what? There's a lot more good than bad but we blind ourselves to the good because the bad has taken over because we tend to give all our attention to it. Switch it. It's totally your call. If you want to see your human experience live in a world of good stuff, it's up to you to put your energy into the good stuff and forgive the bad even if you have nothing to do with it.

Are you willing to forgive your world leaders? Are you willing to forgive your religions? Are you willing to forgive your killers? Are you willing to forgive your parents...family, friends, enemies...all that stuff? Are you willing to forgive them and find the good or the love in all of that and as you do, instead of forgetting, you use all those things from your past and present as an example of what can be done differently to create change? That's what Ghandi meant and I hope that idea of forgiveness changes that human experience into something worth living for and not something worth dying for. Live it. The human experience isn't something to wait until it's over and to just go through the motions of it. It's a gift. It's that Harvard University where the diploma is worth more than the paper it's printed on. Your human experience is worth more than the skin and bones it's experienced with because it's imprinted on your soul. When you get to my side and you look back on it...how do you want to see yourself? How do you want to see that life; that human experience? Will you like it? Will you love it? No? Be the change then. Be the experience you want. It's yours to live.

Relationship with Earth

My soul can find no staircase to Heaven unless it be through Earth's loveliness. – Michelangelo

You know that core that I told you about earlier; the one that I fell back on? Yeah, you could include Earth...nature in that. It's true, when people tell you to go for a walk in nature, that it grounds you which also means releasing and relaxing and shaking all that life noise off while hiking or fishing or surfing, whatever it is, because nature...it generously takes that from you; all that shit that you pick up from your daily routines and your obligations, whatever they are. Nature was a place of escape for me. Not that I needed to escape my life. I just needed time to come back to myself after working or being "on". My family was one and nature was two. It was the best playground with natural monkey bars and a person really needs to fit that playground into their life as a part of that whole; the whole of a person. We are a part of nature but we're so busy ignoring it or being in the hub of those cities, wondering why we feel so stressed out...it's because we neglect what's so obvious and what would help bring us back to ourselves because we are a part of nature and getting back to nature is a humans natural state of being.

Personally, I needed play time. I needed play time to come back to me; to Paul. Of course I had people playing with me. It's no fun playing by yourself all the time but me taking a trip, a hike, going surfing, the beach...that was more like inviting people into my home. Nature was home to me. Earth still is...in a way. I spoke about how I have windows for walls and when I step out I have that view of Earth and I built that view of Earth because I still feel I have that responsibility to Her. Earth is a Her. It's a living breathing entity in and of itself. She's been asked why people call Earth her and She answered, it was because She continuously birthed Herself. To be fair, my mother...the most beautiful woman I have ever known in my life, nature...She's mom too and She's also the most beautiful woman I have ever known or have been lucky to have been held by. Being here on this side of the line, I can understand the connection. When I was there, living on that big blue and green floating ball, I could grasp it but it was only because I got so much enjoyment from being a part of that and making it part of my lifestyle.

Nature was how I was raised. It was our go-to place as a family. Nature had that memory making ability and it does with everyone. You don't get too many memories by stayin' in and flipping through channels on a television. Nature is, by far, the best backdrop for the show of life. It's natural and it's real. Real to me is emotion, communication, laughs and it's the backdrop of an ocean or a mountain range, a forest full of trees or a field of grain. It's all of that. Nature is the museum or that art gallery that people have this desire to see and it naturally surrounds you. It's right out your door. I'll tell you something. When a person explores nature, specifically an ocean or a mountain range, a sunrise and sunset or a campfire while a guitar's being played...that sort of thing creates inspiration for those sculptures and those paintings to be built and painted with. Earth loves to inspire. It loves to show us the example of being imaginative and artistic because She creates Herself every minute of every day. She also knows when it's time to take a step back and chill out. That's the season of winter. Seasons mean something. It's the natural rhythm...a natural cycle that happens a lot more slowly than a human's and there's a reason for that. Earth takes the time to appreciate Her creations and isn't in some sort of hurry to get to the next and the next after that. She knows the true meaning of that natural rhythm because She's the instigator of it. She's the living proof that things happen, evolve and/or die when they are meant to, only to come back again differently. Sound familiar? It's the story of my life.

I was a science guy. Sometimes it was medicine, sometimes it was marine biology but it all sort of swirled around each other in that same sort of theme. What I really got, when I had that review...I always wanted to go back to school. I wanted to learn the science of people and animals...specifically ocean. Sharks man...you get to know a shark; you get to know a prehistoric world that still exists today. What I really wanted, or craved, was to define human nature and how that sort of intertwined and connected with nature. I assumed, big time, that that was science. But as much as there's science involved, it was more about the connection and that interplay of the spirit that I was looking for and that spirit can't really be learned unless it's nurtured. Human nature, and nature in general, needs to be nurtured. You think I could learn that from books or in a classroom? No way. That had to be learned while participating in field studies. I had this assumption that I'd only get this knowledge in a building. The cool thing about Earth is that...just like She's this art gallery or museum, She's also a living library and a university where you can study and learn things that are out of the norm and that draw you in with no explanation other than...pure enjoyment. I got that. I got that with ROWW, I got that with being in the field with marine biology; with learning from Michael...and I got that from the way I was raised. That was the beginning of my appreciation with what Earth...nature offered me; a chance to get back to what was real. Again, I had to enjoy it to learn it. Nothing can be learned on a level that you'll know it if a person doesn't enjoy the process of what they're learning about. Nature's a funny thing. Either you get it or you don't. Some people like the city life and ignore the possibility of something outside those walls. Hey...city dwellers...there's this thing called "Glamping" and that's your in to get a taste of something you'll never forget and, I guarantee, always return to. Just a piece of advice from me to you. There's always baby steps. Glamping is only one of them. Adventure seekers...a sky full of stars in a sleeping bag as a way to close the day...am I right?

Speaking of medicine, it would be easy for me to say nature is healing; Earth takes care of you and so on. Sure. That would be real easy for a guy like me to say. And I do and I'll spell it out here. I was talking about getting grounded. There is so much going on in the everyday and people tend to have a tendency to get sucked into that; getting whipped up in those funnel clouds of duty, of obligation, of jobs, of kids, of school, of bills, of relationships...of anything. The world is a stressful place but notice how I say world and not Earth. To me, the two are very different. We build our worlds depending on how we want to live our lives or how we think we should be living our lives. That's the world. It's the environments that we see with our eyes. Earth is something different. It's that couch in the psychiatrist's office that invites you to put your feet up and spill your guts and let it all go while Earth, Earth being the doc, listens and gives you tools to help you cope with your everyday. I'm not saying disregard the advice of your medical professionals. That's not what I'm saying at all but...if you took a walk or a hike or whatever...even just put your ass in the sand and stared out to that horizon, past that ocean and you talked. You talked it all out. You walked it all out. You took those bare feet and you felt the grass in between your toes and you talked and you breathed and you did all those things that you would do on your shrink's couch or that you would do on your yoga mat or when you shut yourself into your bathrooms and you just take a minute because those screaming kids are taking every last drop from you and you just need five minutes...there's a noticeable difference in using Earth in that way and it's called grounding. It's because She's a place that holds Her arms wide open for anyone to step into. You know what walking does? It takes all that shit that you're holding on to and it takes it from the bottom of your feet and into the earth where it can be transformed and released as being healed. And as you walk and as you release to the ground, by the end of the walk, you feel lighter and better. Physical activity is huge and just like Earth physically shakes it off; sometimes the human being has to as well. That's why I was saying that it's your biggest playground. Humans have a need and a requirement to shake off all that unnecessary crap that they choose to carry around with them and what keeps them in that brain of theirs. Like Mother, like kids, right? But a human also needs to do that in a way that is playful; that's having fun and that's free. There are no walls so there's no sense of confinement and a lot of people have this sense of being trapped in their lives or their worlds without taking it to the Earth to experience a sense of freedom and play. But that's the relationship with Earth to every one of Her kids. She offers the freedom. She offers the ear to listen to; the natural bath and the play that we still need, even as adults...maybe even more so.

And talking about medicine...healthcare is free when it comes to Earth. You think all those prescription drugs were just born out of a test tube. Nah. That's herbalism or herbology being manipulated by big pharma. There's a place for that but there is an equal place for natural therapy and whaddya know...Earth offers that natural cough syrup and it's free. Just like there's a time and place for everything, there's a moment and environment for things as well. Earth offers a chance to look outside of what we're being taught and assume to know and to explore something that maybe we never thought of before. There's advancement in the places we never knew existed. People are unearthing civilizations that were far more advanced in certain areas and it's because these civilizations were well aware of that connection between the human and Earth. I've lived a lot of lives on Earth. It's a place that I've kept coming back to and I'll get into that. But every single time I come and go, I am completely amazed with how far we've come and sometimes how far back, as a race, we've reverted to; to places that we never liked to be in but until you have that connection with Earth and that spirit, you wouldn't know it until you were told.

Earth is also a place where to keep it simple...where back to nature is back to basics...is where the advancement is. It's that pushing and pulling to make something happen that doesn't always work. She's an example of allowing things to unfold. Let's look at the seasons. Spring comes, it's a fresh start. It's fertilize, birth and it's coming out of that dark into a new day. Summer comes and it's that growth, play, living, thriving. Autumn...things start to slow down; we start to contemplate and think about how the year has been and how it's ending. We start to think about what hasn't been done and what can be re-visited "in the morning". It's the dinner time of the day. It's recounting what the day gave you. It's the kids having a bath before bed. It's the winding down before the lights go out. And then, it's winter and you have the dark. You have the hibernation. You have the rest that is needed before the activity of a new day or a new season. You have that ability to go within yourself and just be okay with where you are. It's the cozy fire and knitted socks. It's the hot chocolate and the hot tubs. It's the vacation from doing for a chance to just be. But there's always activity because the dark is also a time of gestation. It's not only spring. Spring's just more pronounced. For instance, bears hibernate in the winter but if you took a look at a polar bear...in that hibernating state...they give birth. The baby looks like a big rat but it's actually a very tiny polar bear. So, there's always activity. It's never ending. It's just the activity is slower in the later months of the year than the beginning. It's the life cycle and it's one that is natural for us but we fight it and this is where the imbalance is. People seem to think that the start of the calendar year is the time for new but if you were to live by that natural rhythm that is nature...it's the spring and it would make a huge difference in how you lived your life if you went by what Earth teaches instead of that linear timeline that is the norm. Now, I know about timelines. I know that they sort of run the show. I know that our lives can be clockwork but when you connect with that spirit...it naturally goes to the rhythm of the Earth's. So allow that. Try to incorporate that into those aspects of your life that you can and you will begin to find that balance that everyone craves and then you could find yourself breathing a little easier and finding your stride again. That's a healthy lifestyle and that's what's gained through honoring that relationship with Earth.

I didn't necessarily live in a place that showed me that natural clock...that calendar...those seasons. But that's not to say I wasn't drawn to that. I didn't always follow that but if I was studying something that was directly connected to Earth, it was imperative that I understood it enough to get the most out of my experiences as a citizen of that planet. It wasn't just me. I wasn't on an island by myself. Life is a contribution from all elements, all plants, all animals and all humans and the faster we get that...the faster we can get back on track. Earth heals Herself. She is constantly healing and renewing Herself the best She can with what She gets from us. Quite honestly, it isn't a hell of a lot. People have to start changing their assumptions about what the planet owes us by us being allowed to live here. People have to start thinking about what we can give to Earth as a thank you for being allowed the chance to experience Her beauty, Her generosity and Her forgiveness. Forgivenss? You ask. Yeah. Forgiveness. Earth isn't out to get you by shaking or flooding or raining or drought...that's her letting off some steam. Here's what I mean.

Picture a boxer punching a bag after a long day. Instead of using his shitty day as an excuse to kick someone's ass, he blows it off by punching a bag. There has to be an outlet to blow off a bad day or pent up emotions. Now...humans are a part of nature. Nature is the skin and bones that Earth wears and just like a person has to blow off steam...Earth has to do the same thing. Obviously, it's on a bigger scale. What happens when a person holds it all in? They break. They implode or explode and people around them are completely what the fuck because there was no warning. Earth has to do the same thing. A little shake here and there or a big thunderstorm or little tornado...that's the boxer at the gym. The tsunamis or the devastating earthquakes or the hurricanes that wipe out whole cities...that's the person who's been holding it in for so long and there comes a breaking point. Humanity and the Earth are a reflection of each other. I'll tell you another thing. Just as we can unload to nature...when connecting with Her, especially as a group, and honoring Her and sending Her love and prayers...just like people did for me when I died...it calms Her down to the point where hurricanes can be stopped in their tracks, where earthquakes are only noticed by the rattling of some dishes and where tornadoes can be seen as dust devils blowing around some trash. Don't believe me? Notice how a person in a hospital, after a visit form a friend, perks up. See how candlelight vigils hold up and support a group of mourners after a school shooting and how I feel after prayers and well wishes are sent to me and my family after my death until today. You don't think the same thing can have an effect on Earth? Really? If you don't, after you're finished this book, read it again. You forgot to notice what was said when you didn't read between the lines.

My wish for all of you is for you to go into the wild and as you learn about it, take that as an opportunity to learn about yourselves. There is so much freedom in exploring parts unknown. You could be the most experienced outdoorsman or you could be the person just walking out of their apartment and flying to see the ocean for the first time. It doesn't matter. You'll know when you're actually trying to re-kindle that relationship with Earth when you start getting emotional when you're surrounded by that Heaven that exists beyond the cities and towns. You'll start getting emotional when Earth gives you that opportunity to get re-introduce to that kid inside that used to run, jump and play and they can still do that, they just wear bigger shoes and the monkey bars and swings are made of wood and vines instead of metal and chains.

Nature was a drug for me that gave me that natural high but it was also a lesson for me in what could be taken care of better and what could be left better when we exit this place. The question to ask is that same one that was answered with the birth of my daughter, Meadow Rain. She was my leaving the room better than when I entered it. So ask yourselves, how can I leave this Earth better than when I got here and while I'm here, how can I give Earth the respect and thanks She's ready to receive for giving me a home.

Yeah, we fucked up in that department and are scrambling to make a mends. She's healing herself too. Just like human beings have the power to heal, regenerate, cure and clean up the body, Earth can do the same thing. It's just that She freely supports us in that way but we're only just realizing to give Her that same back up. Don't sit in regret about how much of Earth you're taking without being thankful. Start now. Go for a walk, look at that sky, get wet in the rain and while doing that, tell Her, I love you and thank you. Most would do it for their own mothers. Big Mamma...She sure would like that too.

A Broken Connection

A bond is a deep connection that cannot be broken. Even if apart, heart and heart are connected. – Pheng Xiong

If anyone has read any of my channels, a big message of mine is bridging this gap that is so big and so large and the thing that frustrates me the most is that it doesn't have to be. It really doesn't. But that's my view from here. I didn't always believe that. I didn't think that I could just pick up a phone and dial heaven. That kind of stuff didn't exist for me. The comfort for me was that all of those people that I loved and lost, they were in a better place. It's the cliché that we tell ourselves; that those who die are in a better place and trying to trust in that is what gives us some sort of peace as living human beings. While that may be so...dead guys like me, we're talked about as being gone, never to return when the truth of it is...we return every single day. That connection isn't severed for us. If anything, it's stronger and thicker so the message that is really important for me to spread, with any of the work that I do, is that I continue to exist and I'm not apart from. I'm still a part of.

As a society, and I will include myself in this because I saw and felt the same thing, we are taught that these people who die, float off into the sky and simply forget anything that they had anything to do with while living. There are more and more people that don't buy that because they know bigger and better but there are a lot that still have that...image in their minds. Relationships are done until we see each other again. I'll give an example. A young boy, who I had mentioned before, his name is Owen, died when he was nine. After his death, his mother refused to believe in any sort of connection to heaven. She had lost her husband shortly before Owen's death and Owen's own death, at such a young age, was a blow that made her crumble to the point that she could not get up any more. When she finally started walking again, when the grief subsided into this anger...she chose to ignore that part of her life that was marriage or childbirth, convincing herself that everything that she had loved was gone and she was just a shell to live out her days until she died and could get back to them...if that was even a possibility. Owen's grandmother, however, believed that he was still around. They weren't an overly religious family. I think that if they were, Owen's mom would have dealt with the deaths a little differently, maybe even found some support. Owen did not leave his mother's side for years. To this day, he still sees his mom in that life and in the life she lives now because that connection was never severed and those spirits of mom and son...they continue even when his mom is incarnated to earth and he chooses to stay back. See, this stuff is the reality and Owen's grandmother knew this. She had tried to tell her daughter all the signs that proved Owen was visiting but her daughter got pretty angry until they rarely spoke...the differing beliefs starting to sever their bond. But still, Owen went to his mom because he loved her unconditionally. His mother couldn't grasp that connection because of belief, because of trust, because of this unwillingness to consider the what if factor and because of a broken heart. All those angry, hopeless and just shitty sad feelings blocked any awareness that she would've had and this woman, Owen's mom, was open. She had all the gifts. She would talk to her husband when he died. She wanted to give Owen that comfort but for some reason though, when Owen was killed and taken away from her, she cut it off at the knees. A person can only take so much.

Why am I telling you this story? Because there's a few key factors in here that I'd like you to consider.

First of all, step out of what you thought was everything you knew about death and step into a reality that is much different. This reality that I learned after-the-fact is that bonds can never be broken. Death is not a break in a connection. Death is a transition into something...more. Death feels unfair to a lot of people but it is the natural progression of life. Death doesn't care who, what, where, when and why. This is the preconceived beliefs of a human in mourning and death pisses a lot of people off. Sadly, those pissed off people will never find an opening of connection because when you remain pissed off at death, it's like closing the door on the life that continues to live in a different way. Mourning the loss of someone is very personal and it can't be healed on a certain timeline put there by someone who thinks they know it all. It's extremely personal and there is no time limit when someone can start smiling, can just get up, brush it off and continue to live without. But mourning the loss is closing the door on family or friends that are still trying to maintain some sort of connection. It's taking the phone off the hook and refusing to accept calls. Those who have died have turned the page into a state of being that lives in joy, the unconditional and in peace, among other things, and that's where the connection is. I get that people have to work out their grief. I get that. I'm not the asshole that says to someone just get over it because then you'll be able to connect with your loved ones. That's not what I'm saying. A big hint for people is that if a person were to celebrate the person that they think they've lost and they celebrate how much they loved them and they celebrate that commitment that they had to each other as two living individuals...if that happened, a person is putting themselves in a place of connection. It's the same place that we exist and that's when the phone gets hung up and we can dial the number and you can receive that call. It's because when that person does that for the one that died...they come up in a vibration that matches ours and it's an easier back and forth phone call instead of just me talking into a phone, saying things I know you need to hear but you can't. It's like that yellin' in a dream I was talking about where no one can hear you. We don't get upset but we do feel frustration because all we want to do is give those who we seemingly left, some sort of idea that we're good. We're whole and complete and don't worry about us. Celebrate us.

The whispers or the voices that you hear after someone dies is the real deal and don't need to be covered up with embarrassment because you just admitted something crazy like you're hearing dead people. Kim's crazy. You're not. In terms of my death, I stayed behind for a bit because I had to talk to so many people and tell them I was okay. I had to tell my core; my parents, daughter, siblings, family...all those soulmates that I had while living, I had to tell them because to me...I was still me and all that grief that I was experiencing from them...that wasn't okay with me and I had to talk to them and soothe them in the only way that I knew how at the time. People heard me. Some took that as comfort. Some took that as imagination. Some wanted to tell others so badly but felt they couldn't because it was just ramblings from a person who was distraught about someone who had died. It didn't matter. What mattered was they heard me. It was my I'll see you later and you bet your ass I meant that even if a few brushed it off as wishful thinking. The people that heard me...the people that felt me hold them. The people that talked to me when the lights flickered or the tap came on or they answered me when I said something...those people knew and know that it's never over and they believe and trust that they'll see me again or still do. They see my face in their mind and they say, Hey Paul. Man, I can't tell you how good that makes me feel. I have absolutely no words to say how being acknowledged as still there...how that makes me feel. It's incredible. You know what that gives me? Hope; hope that for anyone that suffers a loss that they know something others don't want to and they'll step out of what's been taught into something that's real. Spirit is real. It's not here to haunt anyone. It's here to remain a piece of your life in any way that you need it to, for you.

I wrote once that Heaven isn't a destination. Heaven's a state of being and it exists all around you...all the time. It's not a secret club that's meant for some and it's not separate. As a part of heaven, I exist all around you. You don't have to take a rocket ship to some moon. You don't have to leave your body. You don't have to go to a building to pray for a soul. I mean, that's great. I love when people pray for me but it's not necessary. What's necessary is to pick up the phone. That's what I call it...that connection of communication. Let me explain.

Pick up the phone.

It's a term that I use a lot when I teach how to connect with people that have died. It's a nice way of putting, get over what you think and get into what you feel. You feel us around. That's not even a question. It's more a statement. If you didn't feel us around, you wouldn't be seeing us in your head and you wouldn't be remembering things. You know what memories are? It's us putting them in there as a way for you to pick up the phone. It's that thought that...I don't know, you're thinking of your sibling when you were thirteen and you broke into your parents liquor cabinet and the fallout from that makes you smile and you start laughing so you pick up your phone and you call your sibling to tell them the memory. Then they tell you, I was just remembering that same thing. Now...that example, that's what we do because those are phone calls from heaven. Now when that happens and let's say it's me, pick up the phone and say, Paul...how are you man? Did you get my message? I don't know, I'm just making shit up but pick up the phone. This solidifies the connection. This makes it exist again but it's all on you. We can only take it so far. You have to take it the rest of the way and I'm writing a book so you will. You're gonna feel stupid. You're gonna feel ridiculous but...if you're making coffee...I could use a cup. If you're crackin' a beer, I could use one. If you're having dinner, I'd really like to share it with you. If you're watching T.V., I'd like to watch what's on channel four. If you're making eggs for breakfast, I wouldn't mind some toast. Do you see? These are the motions of the human being that keep it real and that invite us in because you continue to believe we have a foot in your world. You had a bad day? I want to hear about it. You want to tell me you're having a baby? Man, I'd love to be in on that news. You want to sit on a porch and play some guitar...I'll bring mine and pick a long. You're getting married? Tell me what you want me to wear. My point is...we are still in it with you. Step out of what you've been taught and into something that feels good. Little by little, you will begin to notice that we never left. We were just waiting for the invitation to join you.

A broken connection does not exist for the dead. It never has and it never will but like all relationships, it has to be nourished and when someone, who has lost a loved one, continues to nourish that connection, it makes it real easy for us to slip in and get noticed. When you nourish any relationship, it's just the love that's exchanged that benefits. Even if it's just between us or whoever...that's good enough. It doesn't matter what it looks like. What matters is that it's actually being nourished.

I talked a little bit about how the storms or the darkness make it really difficult for us to connect. Just like Owen's mom...she couldn't come out of her sorrow. She felt as if she was abandoned and robbed and that she was just a human shell living out her days until it was done because of what she lost. I can't tell anyone to not feel that. But the storms in the aftermath of death are not meant to flood, destroy, shake till you break. They are meant to wash away the horrific, the shock, the grief, the shortness of breath, the grasping for a footing on a floor that was just torn away. The storms wash that away to...they sort of reveal a different world where the one that was taken away comes back and re-introduces themselves as what they have always been. Number one, a spirit that lived a human experience and two, yours. And you know what I just realized? That probably sounds like the biggest middle finger in your direction but I don't have another way to tell you. I just don't. Like anything, personal storms, hurricanes and tornadoes are to clean a slate and begin again in a different and new way. The world is still there as you knew it but it's going to be lived differently. We're still in your life...we're just going to know each other in a different way and that different way is still a relationship which still takes work on both our parts to make it happen so it's tangible. That's bridging the gap. That's mending the fence. That's fixing a broken connection.

Hearts still exist. They still beat. Soul's still exists. They might walk a little straighter, they might have bluer eyes, they might glow a little...they might look a little younger. But they still exist. So everything that was...still is. Heaven and earth can co-exist on the same level. It just has to be built or re-built and there are ways of doing this but it takes work. A connection takes work. You want a recipe? That's personal but I can give you some ingredients.

Trust. Trust what you hear. Trust what you see. Trust what you feel. Like I said, if I'm coming into your head as a memory or a thought, I'm there. Trust that. It's that first knowing. It's not the knowing after you've had a minute to talk yourself out of it. Trust that first vision. Trust that voice. By the way, the hearing is a little weird. Like I said before, I can come in as your voice but it's not something you would normally say. Keep that in mind. The biggest doubt factor is that we can come in any way, shape or form. I make myself pretty obvious. Others don't because they're fighting with an outdated belief of a human. I'm past all that. I don't piss around. That's just a side note. Trust. It's that first moment of connection that we give to you that's the invitation. It's that first glimpse. Trust it.

Believe it. If you shrug it off, it's not going to work. We come in how it's best for you so the way someone sees me or hears me can be totally different than what you can so your belief in your connection is what's going to make this sink or float. Believe it. You're belief is what's going to drive this. If you shrug it off, phone is disconnected. You just hung up on my midsentence. Believe in your feelings. Believe in the memories or the images. Believe the lights that flicker aren't a faulty breaker. Your belief is your choice and it is not contingent on anyone else but you. It doesn't have to be shouted from the rooftops. It can be private. It doesn't matter. What matters is that you're taking action on your belief and you're using it to nurture and build what other people consider gone. Believe in yourself enough to believe in us because it all starts with you.

Love. I can't even punctuate that enough. Love. That love that you built a relationship on with whoever it is that passed away, that love will keep it together. It will keep that connection strong. It begins with the heart. Owen's mom...she never quit loving him. It was the belief that it got taken away that broke that bond. Owen never stopped loving his mom or showing his mom that he loved her but she did because her grief and anger was so thick if derailed anything that could be and her derailed train was safer than hoping her mother, Owen's grandmother, was right. It's what...it's the moth to a flame. That love...the unstoppable love between people...it's the connection and just because someone can't be seen or heard with those fives human senses doesn't mean that love is gone. It didn't go from 120 to 0 in 4.8 seconds. It just doesn't work that way. Love is the phone. Love is the action that makes people pick up the phone. Love continues even when the physical can't and we...here in Heaven, live in that love and wish for you to be able to live in it as well. When a person is able to live in a way that loves more than mourns, it's that higher vibrational state of being that we can meet you at. Obviously we mourn people we love and we have to give ourselves a break and cry sometimes. We're only human. Sometimes we trip and sometimes we fall but love is that forgiveness that we stumbled and love is Heaven taking your hand and bringing you back to standing when you can't seem to. So let us do that for you and trust and believe that it's happening.

Come back to joy. Again, not a middle finger. There's a thing to consider with the joy. It vibrates higher than sad. Yes. Feel the sad. Get lost a little in the sad. Allow yourself the tears. Allow yourself the anger. Yes. It's all you got sometimes but just like us in Heaven...those emotions drain through those fingers and at some point, there is a light at the end of the tunnel and it's yours. Don't be afraid to ask for help to come through that dark. When you can envision a life where joy still exists, even with the absence of a lost love, that's when we can come and announce ourselves. And no, it won't be the same and yes, it can be frustrating because what if it isn't true and the voices that you're hearing are just your imagination. I mentioned joy last because when you trust and believe in the love factor, joy is the natural next step because you can see the validation of our presence that continues to be there for you in every way we can show up. And when you're able to pick up that phone, just to see what happens, the joy has no choice but to creep in because you gave yourself the permission to be happy with the little ways we can show you that we're still in it with you. This just snowballs into more and more joy which brings peace to a brain that can't get over the worst of it. Meet us at the vibration we rev at. Even just the tiniest bit of joy...of laughter when watching a show or talking with friends or forgetting for just one minute that we're gone and remembering, like it was yesterday when I told that stupid joke and we laughed 'till we cried and you laugh again and you look around in shock because at that moment you can hear me laughing too.

Even the shittiest of relationships can be healed. Even the most unforgiving can be forgiven. Those that have died don't choose to stay in a hell. We come to a place that is unconditional and is a judgment free zone. We receive healing and forgiveness for what we feel we fucked up with. We learn what it was like for another person when we acted out in ways that were terrible. If there's someone you know that has died, and they want to connect with you regardless if they were your persistent bad day and they're making themselves known over and over and over again...it's because they want to iron that bad day out. It's not to rub it in your face some more. It's not to continue the same abuse or to target you again. It's to maybe apologize. Tell you that they totally understand why you shut down on them and walked away. They want to mend the relationship because when you get to Heaven, you know what really went down and what the purpose of it all was. That ghost wants to give you the opportunity to yell or scream or give them shit because you never got the chance to when they lived. They want to hear what's on your heart and that's sometimes why those who have died choose to come back. They want to give you the opportunity to unload everything that you could say to them in person either because they acted like an asshole or because you did. Does the ghost need to apologize? Maybe. Do you need to apologize? Maybe and it's more than possible for each of us to do that because the connection is still there. We all play a part in each other's lives. That can't be erased. So healing that connection isn't just for the people that want back what was taken away. It can also be for the relationships that struggled and need forgiveness or mending because we don't have that chip on our shoulders but we can sure understand yours and if a person is willing to mend something that was so broken in life, it gives the ultimate healing to both parties when it can be done and closed after death. Keep your intentions, of healing the broken connection, pure. Once a person can let out all their emotions for and/or against someone that died, miracles for moving forward in awesome directions can take place. It's because we're willing to listen and if we're willing to listen, chances are, you are too. Again, the balls in your court. We're willing to meet you at bat. Pitch it and let's connect.

Death wasn't the end game for me. It was for a little bit until I realized what was still possible. Connection is this amazing intricate woven fabric and even if it rips, it can be repaired with stronger bonds. Energy continues and it changes but it never dies and at the center of everything is energy. Some energy is physical. Some energy is like air. Some energy is part of air or chooses to be air. Gord Downie said something so amazing that I'll never forget. He said that he can be the eagle or he can be the air the eagle soars on. How cool is that? It's still the same energy but it shows up in different ways. I'm still the same energy. I'm just showin' up in a different way and hell if I don't want you to experience me like this. Everyone here does because the ropes are still tugged on and they're attached to all human beings that wish for that continued connection. Trust, believe, intend, love and find your joy again. By the way, I got those words from Simon. Simon says, right? Is that plagiarism? Maybe. Oh well. No copyright here.

Other Lives, Different Souls, All the Same

Maybe I was a pirate in my past life. I didn't kill people, though. I was just badass. – Dianna Agron

So here's a warning. This chapter...a little fucked up. But keep reading.

I had mentioned that Earth is a place that I've returned to, to live out lots of lives. Earth is a very...it's like a hub and even though we all wear these human costumes, inside all of that...past the DNA level, is a place that is universal. Hold on guys. I'm about to get Star Trek on your asses.

If we're going to talk about past lives, we're going to have to get into the beginning which really is an ET story. Yes, you were born into a family that's made up of all kinds. You got your Irish, German, Canadian, Chinese, Japanese, Haitian, Brazilian, American...you name it, humans are the Heinz 57 of countries even though they will swear to you that they are 100% Scottish. But underneath all of that surface stuff is something far more profound and stretches backwards and forwards to people and places that most of us have no clue about. Before I even decided what to write here, I was thinking...should I really go there and you know what? I really should. So let's shed some light on what's going to be found out anyway and that some of you already know the tiniest bit about. Earth is old. She is one old woman but She's not nearly as old as some other planets out there. Comparatively speaking, Earth is quite new. Let's take your closest neighbors besides Venus, Saturn or Mars. Let's take the Pleiadians. Now the Pleiadians are kind of close to my heart. I know a few of them and I like going there because it's like going to your best friend's house where his mom cooks incredible things and automatically sets a place for you at her table. Anyway, the Pleiades are a group of stars, nine you can see, that house a few million Beings. These Beings; aliens...whatever, actually seeded Earth way back when. Yeah. I'm using seeded as a verb to create some sort of experimental colony. Don't judge me just bear with me. These...I'm going to call them people, volunteered to come to Earth as this really big experiment and they created Lemuria and Atlantis. There are a few things that I'm leaving out but these are the big events. If I was to talk about everything...that's a pretty big book. After their destruction, because nothing lasts forever, the surviving Lemurians and Atlanteans then created further colonies and these were cultures like Sumer and Babylon. The people of Sumer and Babylon then sort of spread out like branches on a tree because there were Nomads within these ancient firsts and that's just the natural way of doing things. You spread out and spread your seed. You stake your claim on new lands. This has always been the case. That's how new places were founded and built.

That's the beginning in a nut shell.

So a lot of people that are called "old souls" come from these...starts. They were Atlantean and Lemurian and these old souls now...today...are very aware. They have gifts that are starting to come out and surface that have to deal with spiritual themes and the reason for this is because these old souls are to re-introduce or bring forth that new age or that new dawn that everyone wishes for but don't want to work for. It's the "past" becoming "new" because it's emerging within people now...today. These old soul people are bringing it because they recognize it as something they've lived before which is termed a past life. Confused? Let's continue.

Now before the Pleiadians decided to create Lemuria and Atlantis...they were going through their own stuff way before Earth was created. Pleiadians were still very benevolent beings when Earth was starting out. You guys...Pleiadians are incarnated into a human-like form on a planet or two but like us, in spirit, they use thought to travel, they manifest anything by just manipulating energy and creating it. They literally have Heaven on their planets. But before they were even close to having those chakras totally lined up and working on all cylinders, they were like Earth is today and they were seeded by Arcturians, Sirians, Andromedans...so in their DNA...at that spirit level...they're a Heinz 57 as well.

We're not all Heinz 57s. Some of us were created by God and decided...Earth is really where it's at. Yeah, other planets, they're cool but this new place called Earth...that's the place to be. That's where the show is and I only want Earth. Hi, my name's Paul Walker. I think we've met. I am one of those people that believe Earth is it; it's that place to be. So instead of having a bunch of ET history, I have a lot of human history in my records and that is definitely okay with me.

Now, my Paul Walker soul isn't as old as some might be but the cool thing about Earth is that the more you come back, learn, experience and integrate all of that...the faster your vibrational rate climbs. And like I said in the chapter where I met Kim, the higher you vibe, the closer you are to God Source. It's not a competition. It's not a race. It's just what influences that. Speaking of Kim, I'm gonna throw her under the bus right now to try and give an example of what I'm talking about. Kim's older than me. Her soul, as Kim, is so much older than mine, as Paul's. Our spirits are the same but that piece that sort of breaks off that Higher Self to incarnate...she's had more trips around a few suns but they haven't all been Earth's. Only a handful have been. She did live a couple Atlantean existences but has only come back every now and then since that time. The destruction of Atlantis...that was enough. She needed a break. So now, comparing our vibrational rates, keeping in mind that I've been to Earth more than she has (it's my go to), I vibrate higher. At the time of my death, I vibrated a few notches above her. We're pretty equal now, if I'm keeping score, but in terms of climbing that vibrational ladder, those who we can call the Earth Globe Trotters; who come back again and again like me...we climb it faster. It's because Earth gives that opportunity to put people on a fast track to that awakening but you have to do the work. Just because you're here doesn't mean you're going to be served. You'll be assisted. There's a difference.

Still with me?

The soul is the breakoff of the Higher Self; the spirit. Get this. There can be more than one break off at a time and they can be incarnated on different planets or the same planet at the same time. Don't stop reading. It will make sense...maybe. Call me. We'll talk. I'm learning a lot here and this stuff still blows my mind and this is why I'm trying to keep it simple. But let's have fun. Let's step into something weird. So these souls are living lives and they die and come back to the spirit. Then they break off again and do their thing and come back. It's the Higher Self playing fetch with a soul. They get the ball, they bring it back but the ball is always different every time and there doesn't just have to be one ball. Two dogs, two balls. It just works better. In regards to incarnated souls...one ball and two souls can create some multiple personalities. I may have said too much. Maybe that's a topic for another book.

Now I'm laughing because my partner is getting frustrated. She's begging me to keep things straight and organized but there's no way. It can't. Look, there's no time here in Heaven. Where the Higher Self is and where the soul comes back to, there's no time. Each life that a person has lived is still happening simultaneously with other lives. That Higher Self is a master juggler. But it's all for a huge purpose. It's all for a divine plan and divine plans are orchestrated as a whole and not just a part of. I can't step by step this. I have to share as the parts of a whole.

Go get an Advil. I'll wait.

People tend to think that lives that have happened are all in the past and that's true to a certain extent. It's because Earth's on a linear time line and it's measured by history books and artifacts. So to the human, when you're being told you lived as a Queen in a previous life, that's true. But when you get here, you see it all happening right now. It's because now is the only moment that exists. So if you know who you were or what the circumstances were of that life and you feel it as you're walkin' around as Tom, Dick or Harry...you're still carrying it around because that life is also happening now and you can call yourself in and work with that life as a way to heal and that healing...it really reaches to all aspects of who you are, were and ever been and I highly encourage that because when you only treat a part of you it doesn't have that lasting effect as it would if you treated the whole of you. And that's not just on that physical plane. A human is a spiritual and physical being comprised of mental, emotional bodies...and then some. Everything you have ever been, through the existence of time and space, is for the whole of you regardless of the circumstance. After you die and if you feel as if you didn't accomplish what you set out to do, you might choose to come back and repeat but it's the theme. It's not the life but the life...that life that you would consider a past life, it stays with you as sort of a reminder and a support to try again. So if you're living the same mistakes, call in that past life and work with it in a team effort that could potentially take you further than if you were just going around the traffic circle again and again, alone.

We don't intentionally hold on to past life issues. They are a part of us because they're still happening. You may see it as a life you lived but you're carrying it around because a part of you is living it now. The costumes are just different. And the fact that you're carrying around shit or gifts of abundance from some other life, at the same time, that other life is trying to heal or use what you're living now as their assumed past life issue. It's a twisted co-operation As an example, it all works like a soup. The Higher Self is the whole thing but one life is the broth, another is the meat, another is the veg and so on. You don't cook it all separately. It all makes the soup. It's the same with lives. Every different life you've lived or are living is happening now and all of it, which is the Higher Self, is available to you for the soul purpose of immense healing, forgiveness and love. Love yourself is a term that's thrown around a lot but when you do that, when you actually fall in love with yourself, that love is being sent right down to the energetic bits of that DNA that is also living in another body in another life that is you. It impacts not just who you are now but everything you were and ever will be. Guess what that is? That's God. That's a part of you. That's everything. It's other lives, different souls...all the same. You are the embodiment of God; of everything and it's all happening now.

My partner and I have been asked about past lives. When you talk to Kim or me or Simon, we consider it the now and we get questions like how do I stop this pain or how do I forgive this or how do I let go of this and we will tune into that part you're playing and the people you're playing with, in a few different lives, and we'll tell you...call this woman, child or man in that is actually you and talk to them. We'll tell you that you are experiencing an aspect of you in another life that's having some sort of effect on what you're living in the now, that you're aware of. We'll tell you to call that life in and to have the conversation with them about what it's like to be a team player. Maybe you can give yourself some much needed forgiveness or encouragement or acknowledge what you were or what you experienced that they (you) didn't get from other people and it's manifesting as a pain in your ass because they needed it and you can give that now. Keep an open dialogue. You'd do that with anyone you know now. Why not yourself playing another part that you ultimately chose to play. Ask the question what it is about your life as this or that that is affecting the fact that you have back pain or that you're scared of driving or that you're scared of sharing the fact that you talk to angels. Well, if you call in these other lives, it's because you just broke your back falling off a horse or you got killed in a car accident or you're being burned at the stake as a witch. Call in these aspects of yourself and forgive them, learn from them, share with them. That's what they're there for and that's why you're finding out about them now in terms of what's showing up either physically or environmentally in your life today.

Everything that you experience or feel you've experienced is for the soul purpose of helping you in the life you're experiencing now. It's not to throw up the road blocks or even throw you under them. It's part of the anchoring of Heaven on Earth and using all of it to benefit the whole of you which usually means growth, which usually means climbing that ladder of vibration. Once you start anchoring Heaven to Earth and using it, it expedites that awakening and when you do that for you, you do it for everyone here on Earth with you and everyone beyond what you know or are aware of.

When I lived...I had no clue. I really didn't but I'll tell you one thing; cars...it's in my DNA down to that level that can't be observed with microscopes. Fast speeds, machines...it's all in me. I'll tell you something else...the future, I'm there and I'm travelling past the sun. I'm a pioneer of real space travel. Elon Musk has nothin' on me. A few Earth years down the line, I'm pretty much a part of that future of planetary expedition and I watch myself, in that, all the time. When it comes to that point that I can actually be there...in it...physically...man, what I'm seeing for myself is just the trailer. The actual life...that's the best show...it's Earth. It's the place to be.

Let's recap a little bit. We start as the spirit that breaks off into souls. Before we had the label "human" we were Andromedans, Arcturian, Sirians, Pleiadians...so many. Then we could have been Lemurian or Atlantean. Then we could have been Sumerian or Babylonian. Then, maybe, we took a break and came back as the Roman, the Celt, the Persian, Aztek, Greek...whatever. Then we putzed around, maybe lived a war or two. Maybe we just lived your regular Groundhog Day 50s banker come home to a martini sort of life. Whatever it was, it all came back to the Higher Self that doesn't live in time. It lives in the moment of now and it watches all these lives in the present tense and sometimes this Roman Soldier's life has an effect on this banker's life. Maybe that sword that slashed an arm off a Celt is manifesting as arthritis in an elbow in the construction worker that can't work because of the pain. Then that construction worker calls in that Celt and says, What the hell, man. Cut me some slack. I need the job. Sorry you got your arm cut off. Namaste. Right? I mean...probably not Namaste but the construction worker finds out about the Celt they were and works with that to help the pain that's manifesting now. That Roman Soldier split open Jesus on the cross and now the banker, who was the soldier, can't go to mass because they feel guilty about something in that church. They find out about the crucifixion. They figure they were there and they ask for forgiveness for harming Christ. Things like this. I mean, that's a pretty big example but I'm only using it to drive home the fact that it's all for the benefit of life and the entirety of the human being that brings back the ball to the Higher Self in that cosmic game of fetch.

Okay, so you lived and you died and you get here. So what's it all mean? What was figuring out about another life good for? When you get here, you get to watch it all unfold but unfold in a way that you realize you contributed, not only to the life you remember living, but to all those lives that you've lived or will be living. You can also see how all these choices were laid out, like those threads or those ropes, to choose from. Some were thin and just dangling. Some were thick and actually turned into something. Those choices...the big ones, can turn into parallel lives and now you're not just looking at past and future lives but lives parallel to what you did and were just tweaked with choices you made. How do you handle it all? Just as an observer. Just to see where you can jump in and have that privilege of being your own spirit guide. We all have at least one guide who is us. Whether that is Paul or Gladys or Simon or Kim...whoever that is, we always have at least one that broke off of our Higher Self and chose to be the guide and not the incarnation. How do you like that? I'm not saying Gladys was me or I was Gladys. It's just a part of the story about how I got here and met up with a guide that looked a hell of a lot like me but then I absorbed that as a part of my whole. You will too.

Look.

I can't write everything in a way that you guys would totally get it. What I'm trying to do is give you comfort that throughout everything that you know or don't know about...it's all for your highest evolvement and that's pretty cool. The game changer is that it's all coming out now to be utilized and it's being re-introduced by these old souls that are past life counselors, referees and healers. They are these people that can reach into all your energetic layers and pull these characters out of you that need this acknowledgment and this love that they did the best they could under the circumstances that were given to them and all they need to hear is that you're cool with it and they don't need to hang out anymore because all of it is water under the bridge. What does water do? It cleans. It purifies. It's the emotion that is expressed and then floats away. Past life problems? I disagree. It's sometimes the challenge that makes you realize you got it in the bag and you're supported by anything and everything out there to rise to that occasion of being the best version of you that you were always meant to be. It's pretty far out stuff. I think, though, that's a wrap.

Sorry Kim. I know that was a mess. Let's move on.

My One on One with Jesus...& His Mom

Jesus is the sun and Mary is the dawn announcing his rising. – Pope Francis

There's always people that you would meet if you ever could. People talk about it at dinner parties or over what if conversations. If you died, who would you meet first and there are always those people besides family, probably made famous by those history books that you would want to see. It's more to end a curiosity than actually a desire to. For me, it was both with one person in particular.

I had a list. Don't tell me none of you have a list. There's always a list. When I got here, I remembered various figures from history and I wanted to meet them. Especially to see what was legit and what was made up. I had this need to sit and talk with them and if they wanted to sit and talk with me, all the better. You can't force yourself on people here. If they don't want to meet, they won't and that's the way it goes with mediums too. If a person doesn't want to be called in, they won't answer their phone. I was pretty lucky. A lot of the people I wanted to meet were pretty open to it.

I think this is really how my work developed. I was talking to all these super cool people and I felt that what they learned or experienced through life and death had to be shared. I was feeling that way about me so if I was feeling that, there had to be more with the same train of thought. But there was one person that I was very curious about, as a lot of people are, and that was Jesus. It's because we don't know. We really don't know that person. You read and hear a lot about this guy in life but it's not directly from the source. It's more like 4th, 5th and 6th party. It's based on ancient texts and what religion pigeon holes him as and I say pigeon hole now because I feel like I can. While I had a lot of beliefs about him and who he was, there was always this question mark about who he really was as just a man and not necessarily the son of God. It's like that loner that kept me up at night. My brain just knew that if I based my faith on a certain guy and if there was ever a time to sit down with him to find out what really happened, you bet your ass I would. So I did but not exactly how I thought I would. Big man big talk, right? Nope.

Let me tell you about it.

I didn't feel nervous. Maybe some would just because of who he is to so many people but word gets around and from others that had mentioned him, I didn't get the sense that I should be feeling any sort of nerves or guilt or whatever else someone might feel meeting a "superior". The thing is...he never comes as anyone's superior. From asking around and thinking about what I would ask or what we would talk about...no one ever said he came as someone who was above you. He only came as someone who would walk beside you. I didn't necessarily pick a date or have my people call his people to set something up. In actuality, the guy came looking for me. I put the thought out that I'd like to meet him but never really put any action on it. It just floated around as, yeah, I'd like to see if I could meet him but I never went out and located him. I just asked around and found out what other people's interactions were. I was snooping. What was the hold up? I don't know. It didn't last long though, because Jesus came looking for me. See how thought works? It's a magnet.

I didn't really recognize him at first. I mean, I was used to the images that I saw growing up or that I heard about. I was expecting this light skinned guy with maybe light eyes. I didn't know. There were so many different ideas on what he looked like and I never went scouring for an image of him from the internet or books. I just took what was the norm and thought that was probably true. It really wasn't. I wasn't pulled anywhere or pulled towards him. When the moment arrived, I just felt the environment around me change and shift like something was coming. Usually when someone's coming to find you, their energy creates a sort of environment around them that joins your own. You can meet in the blackness of space or you can meet in a light. With me, it was a...it was sort of like a park. Not a big field but something with some big trees, some plants, very green. It didn't surprise me. It was just another scene in that backdrop of infinity. By the time Jesus and I got introduced, I was sort of used to that happening. It's almost like an invitation is extended to you from them in the form of imagery. So, I just sort of stood there wondering who was coming for a visit when, in a millisecond, I just felt this amazing amount of peace.

So much peace.

I live in peace but this guy sucks up peace like he's a vacuum and you get taken with it. It was like I was breathing with no air and I don't need air but that's how still everything got. It was a world where everything was suspended and frozen in time and the only ones who were moving were me and him. It peaked my curiosity because not everyone has that presence about them. But that was my personal experience. It had to be that way because I was visiting with so many people, something had to grab my attention that was kind of out of the norm and went above and beyond that wow factor that I was already experiencing. You'd think that'd be hard.

Not really.

You guys probably want to know what he looks like. Man...I'm not too good with stuff like this but I'll give it a shot. He had longer hair; mid neck...black. He wore a short beard. His eyes were brown and his skin was...he looked like he had a great tan. I'm not good with skin tone. I've never seen people like that and I still don't. He's shorter than me; maybe by half a foot. The cool thing was...you would expect him to wear white robes or something. No. He wore a white t-shirt and some tan pants with some sandals on his feet. The sixties...they were calling. Anyway, that's my description of Jesus. He's been called many things. Really his name is Yeshua but I call him Jesus. That's just who he's always been to me. That wouldn't change for me. It didn't matter where I was.

So he shakes my hand. Keep in mind, I still didn't know who he is but he feels like a really cool guy so I'm okay with it. I look at him a little puzzled or what I figured looked puzzled because he broke out into this huge grin. Then he says, I hear you've been asking about me so I thought it would be a good idea to introduce myself.

It hit me real hard. I said something stupid like, you're... and I couldn't finish. He laughs a little and calls me out on not expecting what I was looking at. I got a little embarrassed and admitted it wasn't. He just kept my hand in his and continued to shake it.

It's great to meet you, Paul.

Jesus just said my name. The only time I've been really...speechless. He knew my name.

Now, I'm sharing this in a way you guys will understand. Being in spirit, I don't meet people like I would on Earth. I sort of explained that earlier but it's important to me that you see these visuals because I think it makes it easier for you, when you look through my eyes and see what can happen here, to appreciate that it's normal. However, normal to me and normal to you is pretty different. Still, I really need to let you feel or see it in ways you would recognize.

So I'm shaking the guy's hand and everything that I wanted to ask just falls out. I forget. I'm left with no words and he knows it. Paul 0 Jesus 1. He invites me to sit and he asks me what I wanted to know because I've been asking about him so there must be something I want to know from him. I took a minute to think about it and I admitted...everything. My first question was if it all went down like we think it did? He told me that he wouldn't argue with what people choose to believe but he wished that they would consider how they feel about it when they hear or read about it instead of taking it word for word from another person's mouth. He was very humble when he admitted he was just an example of what people were but had forgotten. He added that he was a person of the future brought to a time where they weren't ready to understand or accept his teachings but the world needed a shift and he chose to be it. See, when the world...not the Earth but the world that we live in needs a big change...a shift in the way of being or thinking or acting...let's call that consciousness...HUGE things happen. You can see it through history; wars and bombs and presidents and...prophets. They come and they do their thing and they shake things up so the whole world can really get that there needs to be a shift or a change in what a human lives and it usually has to do with truth; what's the real deal and what's just trying to take our attention away from what's really important. That was Jesus. It was his turn at that time.

I asked him if he was really the son of God. He told me he was but then he said I was too. Sort of typical so I narrowed it down. I asked him if his human body was created by Mary and God. He asked if I wanted him to tell me if the conception stories were true. I got a little uncomfortable and he told me not to worry. He got that question a lot and while he was conceived by the regular means...his spirit was conceived immaculately. He said he wasn't born a soul to a human body. He said he was born as his Higher Self taking a human form because it would take that...it's big guys. It would take that situation to create that shift that the world needed at that time. I'll tell you something. That's bigger than a nuke being dropped on a country. In terms of energy or...vibration or a Heaven quotient...that's fucking huge. That's The God Source deciding They wanted a human body all to Themselves. That's bigger than Zeus. That's bigger than Apollo. You feel that? I hope so. Now I'll continue.

What he was saying was completely blowing everything I was starting to understand out of the water. Here I was, understanding that a soul breaks off the spirit to incarnate and now he's telling me he was an exception to this rule? All masters are but some masters, like Buddha, come to discover their mastery, just like every human who's living now. It's just not...the information isn't' shared, listened to or believed because it's religion. Self-mastery is not religion. It's joining the soul with the Higher Self while alive. Jesus was already that when he was born.

I asked about the crucifixion. He said it happened but people fixate on the death and make that the symbol rather than the fact that he rose. He simplified it in a way that bothered me because in a way, he dismissed what he went though. He said people either are crucified by others or crucify themselves all the time. It's the rising that's the struggle. I shook my head and reminded him that he was nailed to a cross; that not everyone is nailed to a cross. He shrugged and said there were different crosses for different people...his was just pretty big.

I asked him if on that day; the day he was put on trial and crucified, if he was pissed off that he took that responsibility on. He said he had been preparing for years but there did come a moment where he felt crushed by the weight of hate and that for a moment he thought hate had won. I asked if that was before he died. He said he never died that day.

Paul 0 Jesus 2.

What?

He was able to put himself in a deep state of meditation where he was able to leave his body. It was a reprieve to show him all was not lost.

So just like people spread those rumors about me faking my death, I called him out on the same thing. I asked about his mom and dad and everyone that needed him...I was actually questioning my own death by putting him on the spot but I didn't realize I was. I got a little upset. He wasn't fazed. It was something that I just couldn't wrap my brain around. Knowing what I know now, it had more to do with me having to die than him not dyeing. He told me that he was met with a lot of frustration and confusion from those he loved and that even time could not get them to understand his purpose as Jesus. But he repeated that he was a man of the future that was born into a world that required a great shift and understanding that was a rare quality, even with those who took his teachings to heart.

I asked if the outcome was what God wanted. He offered that it wasn't a test of what God wanted. It was meant to be a wakeup call and there have been many wakeup calls throughout history. I asked, because I lived a little of it myself, how he felt about rumor...especially about his life; his family. He answered that people will believe what they want and what is easier. If a crucifixion will offer them belief of a Heaven and not the rise, he understands. He says his life is viewed in a narrow way, like many lives are, but his message or his teachings were meant to expand a person's perception of love, compassion and Self-mastery. It was never meant to be something to bow down to or keep narrow and behind some sort of rose colored glass.

Jesus was incredibly humble, honest and open about his life. We talked about a lot of things. I asked him if...he thought I did enough. He told me that's why he came to me; to offer me...he said I was more than enough. He told me I had nothing to feel guilty about. He said I was a gift to many, even in my absence. He said that the most aware usually are but don't give themselves enough credit. He told me I was enough. So every worry I had, everything that I felt I didn't complete...everything that I thought I wasn't finished with...I still got a gold star from Jesus. Then, after I collected myself, he says his mother would like to meet me.

What?

Would you like to meet her?

What?

It's important that you meet her.

Trying to be macho about it, I shrugged and said, sure.

She came up right behind me and my heart chakra fuckin' exploded. You'd think that connecting with Jesus, the son of GOD, my heart would have been expanded to unknown degrees...and it was but Mary made it explode and every single spark of that explosion rained down on all the lives I was living and onto everyone I knew and loved.

Welcome home, Paul. Do you know me?

And I did! You guys...I did. I didn't even know how. I just did. She touched my face and I started to get a little emotional.

Do you know me?

Yeah. I know you.

Turns out...me and Mary, we're cut from the same cloth. She told me that with everything I had accomplished, with everything I was an example of...with all that I had lived as Paul, I was anchoring that energy of her to Earth. There's a lot of energetic science behind it. Sometimes people come from a certain...ray or realm of Archangels. Turns out...Mary and I share the same one.

I asked her if she was supposed to learn from her son or if he was supposed to learn from her. She asked me wasn't it supposed to be both but she then said that she was supposed to learn things she wasn't always comfortable with including loving the people of the world even on their worst days and even on hers. She had to learn acceptance even when it was under circumstances that would tear her body and soul apart. It started with the conception and birth of her son and ended with his death. She said Jesus was her greatest gift but also her greatest trial. He was her teacher but, ultimately, he was her son and she had to trust in what his purpose was even though, as his mom, she wasn't always okay with it.

She held both my hands and told me my worry for what I felt I wasn't a part of anymore was unfounded and connections made will never be broken because love between people, once felt, is always there. She gave me permission to hope. She said to continue to live with my Earth as I could and that would be supported because many people needed the hope that I needed as well and so, I should do it.

So I did and I still am. A guy can try, right?

My meeting with Jesus and Mary was a turning point in what I assumed and what I learned was my new reality. I actually came from something and my death wasn't an ending. My life was to keep going. I learned how narrow truth could be and when given the chance, how much it could grow. I learned that my life was enough even on the days where I felt I didn't get it all in and that I wasn't ready to go. I learned about a history that was older than Earth and started with God and angels and that I am and always was a part of that and I learned that every single person needed to know it was the same thing for them and if people could find that out, they could connect with how...big they actually were. I learned so much and I continue to learn. I walk with Mary often. If people have trouble feeling me, it's usually because I'm walking with Mary or angels and I'd rather not share that. Those are private moments but everything I take from Mary, angels...or any spirit that I meet and learn from, I find a way to share that, in some way, with you.

I guess a book is one way to do that.

Seeing Birth, Seeing Death

Birth is not the beginning, death is not the end. – Zhuangzi

The idea that it all starts with birth and ends with death...as someone who's been through both and seen both...it's so far from the truth. That whole one shot belief...that I even prescribed to...not completely accurate. There's one shot as Tom, Dick or Harry but there's never just one single shot when it comes to life. You're born, you live, you die...done. No way. So all those people with that singular idea or concept...it's time to re-evaluate that. Time and time again, I have been in on a soul's decision to make that crossing through the great divide. I'm a guide. It's what I do but never do they look at me and ask, is it my only shot? It's always round one and the rounds can be in the thousands. The cool trips to witness are the ones that say round 242 and they don't even look over their shoulder when they make that leap.

I don't even call it a leap of faith. It's just a leap because when a person decides to be birthed, especially to a place like Earth...that faith is already there. It's why they're choosing to make the journey. I especially love it when someone says, come watch my entrance and right now, with the images I'm showing Kim, she's laughing because it's usually the souls that say that who fuckin' scream those lungs out and make such a fuss that their parents wonder what the hell they got themselves into. Parents, let your kid cry it out because it's the screaming babies that get it all out in those first few weeks that got it licked in the later years. Of course I have to say get a doctor to check it out first. That's my disclaimer but if there's nothing physically wrong and that kid's crying...that's the warm up. Kind opposite than what you'd think. Quiet baby, calm and focused for life. Those quiet babies are holding a lot in. I know I know, but true...most of the time.

The decision to be birthed again is reinventing the wheel you thought was. That's why a person keeps making the decision to birth into Earth. It's to try and top what was considered "perfect" the last time they were there. Ever hear the saying, I'm perfectly imperfect? Birth takes you to the challenge of making the imperfect, perfect. That's what that life review is about. It's the hits and the misses and the tweaks that give a soul a "next assignment" to top what they experienced in round 242. Does that mean you did it wrong and you have to repeat life until you get it right? No. It's having a bigger challenge or experiencing pretty simplistic so you can get all of that rainbow of choice and wild cards available to you, in, as a notch in your belt of existences.

Birth. I've seen the physical but I'm gonna give you the romantic metaphoric version from here. Picture those dandelion flowers that puff out; the ones the kids pick and blow on. Now, for every day on the calendar, there are a couple hundred Earth births...give or take a few. Those are the dandelion seeds that are blown away, either by the kids or the wind that takes them. Even better, let's assume it's wind...but kids, they make wishes before they blow. Okay, I've decided. We'll keep it the kids. They make a wish before blowing the seeds. That kid is us (spirit) and we're all surrounding you and wishing you well on your journey because we know you won't be able to see or feel us because by going to Earth, you're about to enter this state of amnesia. We'll be able to visit you but your visits will probably be at night in your dreams and we'll know what's going on but you'll remember it as standing naked on a stage wondering why the audience is a bunch of bears. Dreams...strange things.

Now, before the breeze of breath takes you away, there's been some contracts made, there's been some lessons or experiences decided on that you wanted to learn and some consequences through choice that you worked with us, your team, to live so you could bring back that soul evolvement. Cool. It's like you packed and with every item, you matched it to someone or something that's going into that journey with you. Remember Roger and I? Contracts. You decide to get married? Contract. You know that cord of connection I have with my daughter...predestined because we shook hands over here. That group of kids that made a few movies together? We volunteered for that before birth. That's why that happened. Nice wrap up to a book. A gentle reminder of what I've talked about and why.

Now, the loose itinerary has been made, those couple hundred souls are ready to go, we make wishes for you and now it's time to set sail or leap up and over. That's the breath and all of you scatter. The wind...that's God, that piece of Them that is the Higher Self, it's the wind that takes you to your destination. Like Gord Downie said, he could be the eagle or the wind the eagle flies on. Consider that the breeze that's pushing you to where you'll be planted, consider it your angels or your guides that are driving you to your dorm of the Earth university and leaving you there until graduation. Everything that I have talked about in this book is for this moment; the moment of your conception and your birth. See, I had a point. I may talk a lot but there's always a message in there somewhere.

As the dandelion seed, you land. It could be anywhere and yes, I just realized we're having that birds and bees talk. Just with birth and death instead of sex. Anyway, you plant yourself where you will grow and where you will flourish the best and in whatever environment you choose to grow into and make your own. You're underground getting all ready to break through and then you do. That's gestation. And us, over here, we're just watching that whole show like we sittin' in NASA watching a landing on the moon. Better yet, we watched the first ever landing on the sun and you survived it. That's how much celebration and admiration is felt when that birth actually happens and sticks. It's pretty incredible to watch. One of the best parts is, after that entrance, we watch you open your eyes for the first time and for a while, you can look back at us and smile.

I had the privilege of watching that happen in my own family as a spirit. As incredible as birth is to see as a human; as a father, it's just as amazing and surreal seeing it happen on a different level...knowing that back story of preparation that baby went through before it was placed on its mother's chest. As a spirit, it isn't more or less than. It's just different but the shock, awe, surprise, joy, triumph...all that stuff...congratulations...it's still there. And you know what's the coolest after the birth? Is watching you with all those firsts happening like it was really the first time; re-learning and re-doing but doing it in a way that's faster or on par with what you planned for yourself over here. It's the script unfolding plus some adlibbing along the way that you have no idea about. I love it. I love being a coach to that. It's pretty fuckin' incredible.

Life has moments where you have to fly by the seat of your pants. You just have to jump but the reason you're willing to jump is because of that faith that you brought with you when you decided to come back and be born in the first place. Remember when I was talking about faith? Faith is what makes it work. You're born with it. You packed it in your soul suitcase and as a kid, it's easier to find and use than when you're an adult because as you lived, life maybe served you some raw deals and left you jaded. Doesn't mean you don't still have that faith. It just means it's been misplaced and it has to be found again.

We've talked about death through this whole book. This chapter isn't about repeating what's already been said. This chapter is seeing it happen, through my eyes from here, which I feel is really important. Why? Because it's a cycle; a pattern, even, that is continuous and it's beautiful. It's one of the best things about being here; to witness death through the eyes of spirit. I'm a part of the bon voyage and the welcome home and every time I see the same person before and after...those experiences really shape and continue to build upon themselves. It's a two-way street. When you build on your life, you build on a Heaven that's also evolving because of what you're learning in your life. That's the balance. For every gain there's a gain. There's no such thing as a loss...in my mind. It might feel that way. It sure did for me and a lot of others I knew but...there's always gain. Even in death, an individual remains a teacher; an example through memory and legacy. That sure sounds like a gain to me.

With death...I can't use the dandelion. It just wouldn't have the same feel. I'm going to take you to a hospital room where there is a person lying there, surrounded by family because it's their time to die. I'm using this example because there's something I need you to see. This person who is lying in the hospital...they were struck down by an illness. Most common, cancer. They were diagnosed with stage four something and were given this amount of time to live. Who knows. It's different with everyone. The moment a person is aware that they are dying...there's a spark of light...doesn't matter how big...it's there. It's that hurricane lamp that people carry to find their way in the dark but see that little flame and instead of it being kept behind glass, it's sitting right under your diaphragm...between your belly button and the bottom of your sternum. That's where the soul sits. Now, the minute that person found out that they were dying...the light got bigger. It got bigger and bigger every single day. And when they were put into palliative care...that light took them in and out of their body as they slowly let go of the physical and crossed that line little by little, even when they were still breathing. It's different than a sudden death. I'll get to that in a bit. But when someone is in palliative care because they're dying, they're cutting the cords of connection to their physical body and while they do that, the light of their soul gets bigger and bigger.

It's a porch light. It's an invitation to your guides and angels to come and surround you just like all those family members are, in your last moments. The light is your energy and instead of running throughout your whole body...it's centralizing right in that spot between the belly button and the bottom of the sternum. You can see the physical...if you've ever been with someone who is dying, you can see the physical changing. It's deteriorating. It's because that life...that energy isn't flowing everywhere anymore. It's in that central place. Now without that life force energy, the organs shut down, the brain shuts down but the heart is the last to do it. The heart is the exit. It keeps beating to take that light of the soul and deliver it to us...in heaven. When that happens, the heart stops beating and the person is gone. It's just like that breeze that blew that dandelion but in this instance, the heart was the door that opened and then shut. The heart is pretty amazing and that's why it's so important. It's a portal; a doorway. Secrets out. Spread it.

Now, as you leave your physical body...we're (spirit and angels) the first responders and we hand you a blanket and give you the water and because you've already spent those last few months saying goodbye to your body and your family and friends...you cross that line real quick.

The thing with sudden death, when you look at it from here, is that soul has already been getting bigger without you realizing it but instead of the body looking pretty shitty, there's a-ha's after a-ha's and big understandings and awakenings and, oh now I get it. Boom, boom, boom. One after the other. It could be things from your past that you couldn't let go of. It could be things that you're living in the days before you die that you just understand why things just fell into place when they did. It's just all these awarenesses that happen and you feel like you just remembered your whys. You don't say goodbye to your body because you don't know you're dying. You just have all these really deep understandings and closures and this sense of peace that things all happened for various particular reasons. Guess what? That's that light in your gut and it's getting bigger, bigger and bigger and it's reaching across that line and getting that information from our side that you wouldn't necessarily get in the every day. And what's even crazier...is that because the soul knows what's about to happen, there are goodbyes that happen in their own subtle ways. Maybe you hadn't spoken to your mom in a couple days and you just called to say hi. Maybe you got that birthday gift and had it wrapped because someone's birthday was the next week. Maybe you got rid of a bunch of junk at a garage sale and you've never had a garage sale before but you just thought that maybe it's time to have a garage sale. Or maybe you did your will because you just had a feeling that you should. These are all the subtle ways that your soul lets you in on what's happening but mentally, you don't know. You just follow the breadcrumb trail because you have a shopping list to do before some party you're having. I'm summarizing in a really simplistic way but this is the feeling I'm trying to give you. I'm not saying that just because you called your mom it means that you're gonna die. I'm not saying that because you bought someone's birthday gift that you're going to have a stroke or something. Don't mentally read into my words as something you have to fear. These are all just stupid examples because I'm just trying to impart that feeling. People can get really literal with these things. Don't. It's a book and books contain examples of what ifs. If you're reading Stephen King's The Shining, are you really going to see redrum on your bedroom door? Come on.

And yes, when you go suddenly, you still leave through the heart. The first organ to be made after conception is the heart and the last organ to stop working...is the heart. Boo. Take a minute.

Birth and death are created and acted on with the love of the Universe. It's never to rob you of anything. It's never to deliver you into something you consider horrific and God puts you there because you deserved it. No. God loved you enough to support your decision to live something fucked up because you wanted to remind yourself that you're a warrior. You're a part of something that is infinite. You've walked where angels followed YOU. Because you're loved and as a spirit, you were created in that unconditional love to be birthed to Earth to be an example and a warrior of that. When you die, you return to something that has always been there and has never left you alone or judged you or believed you could do better. That's not love but that's what we sometimes think when someone, who's important to us or that we love, is separated or taken away. Love brings us back to a place where we can be and do more because that's the storyline we decided on before the cycle of birth and death even began. Now, after all of that behind the scenes information I just dumped into your lap, can you begin to see why death...as a finality doesn't exist? Can we start looking at birth and death as transforming into and out of? Instead of a beginning and an end, can we maybe start changing the language into something like...I don't know...fade in fade out? Even fading still implies that something's still there. That dandelion...it grew, it turned yellow, it puffed out, it wilted and it shriveled up but did it really die or is it still part of something bigger. With the breeze, didn't it let go of a part of itself that got planted in a different part of the yard to continue? It's still the same flower. And when that old plant withered and shriveled up...didn't it get reabsorbed into the ground to be a part of that whole instead of staying one singular plant? I'd like people to start considering a bigger picture; one that I've learned through my own birth and death and one that I continue to learn from here as I watch all the various parts of creation. Some ghosts like to just come back to cause some trouble, maybe cause a few WTFs. Some ghosts like to come back to give a clue about what really is and that could actually be understood on a level that a person could. Some ghosts just like to crack a beer, turn on the television and say, Hey dad, how's those Dodgers? Some ghosts, like me, just ask, You comin' over tonight? I'll leave the light on. And I do.

Is that death or is that just continuing with you, the best way we know how? And when a baby is born and you look into its eyes...sometimes, don't those eyes hold more experience than you've ever seen in your own life? That's not a new life. That's trip number 242 and your kid saying, Hey, remember me? We made a deal before I got here that you'd be my mom. Now let me remind you of a few things.

Birth/Death. Heart/Soul. Leap of Faith. Trip 1. Trip 242. Whatever you want to call it but it's never a point A to point B. It's not a beginning. It's not an end. It's a continue to evolve. It's a ripple effect of expansion that starts from the ground you walk on to the ground I walk on here which is really...just beside you.

Surprise!

Who Am I Now?

I can't go back to yesterday because I was a different person then. – Alice in Wonderland, Lewis Carroll,

Who am I now? That's a pretty loaded question. Easy answer...I'm the sum of all my parts. I'm every human, animal, plant, planet, life form...alien, angel I have ever been all wrapped up into one source. I am. That's who I am and Paul Walker...that's just a part of it. It's a good part. It's a great part. And everyone is that. Every human is a part of the whole. See...the heart knows. The soul knows. The DNA...that part of the body that makes those blue eyes and that blond hair...it knows. Those parts of us that we have, as humans, trouble identifying with or assume a lot about...that's what knows who we really are. It's our humanness that limits that. We consider ourselves very limited within our human perception of what and who we are and we constantly...well some of us do...want to push the limits of that because innately we know there are no limits. But to connect to that, we have to believe in that and trust in what we feel instead of the stories we tell ourselves or that are told to us. Who am I now is limitless and in the way I lived my life, I got that; I understood that or I always had this mind set of Why not? Why can't I? Why shouldn't I? What's the worst that could happen? Yeah, I took risks but that was pushing the limits that I knew were just lies we all tell ourselves. I pushed limits to find out what could be and what was true because if I was capable...so were a hell of a lot of other people. I never considered myself to be selfish in the ways that I discovered truth; my truth. I shared that in the hopes that it would spread and to this day...I continue to do that. Why? Because the heart space or the mentality that I lived with, to push those boundaries which would ultimately bring success and do good things...that's Heaven.

Here...there are no limits. There is no physical...not really so there's nothing to hold me down. You couldn't pin me down when I lived but in my freedom is where I found it easiest to be loyal because in my freedom in life, I could just be me...Paul and share that without feeling the need to hold back. Same thing here. There's no holding back. Emotion and expression and creation...thought, mindfulness, feeling...that's what I am now and what I live. Is it different than my life on earth? Yes...very but at the same time, not really.

If I were to drive up to your house, get out of the car and knock on your door, you wouldn't recognize me. It's only because that wisdom factor has grown so much that you would see me and think, it looks like Paul but that's not Paul. It's because I've evolved to such an extent that to come back as just that part would be impossible. I'm more than what I was and to some, that might hit a nerve. I don't share that to be an asshole and make you think that we couldn't hang out like we once did because I'm more than you. I'm just saying expect more from me.

Why am I saying this?

Because this is what I want for every single person that reads these words. Expect more. Just because I evolved through my death doesn't mean someone can't evolve, learn, experience and just be more in life...in living. My death, to me, was just that change of birthday suit but the potential of what I've experienced as spirit...every human being has that potential as they walk the Earth. It doesn't just have to happen when you cross that line. My hope is that through these words, something clicks. If you've been on some spiritually aware, come to Jesus, learning what's out there sort of stuff journey, you've read a lot of information through media or books or through sharing with individuals that you cross paths with. You see how they walk through life and that everything seems to be flowing for them. You compare yourself thinking you lack or you'll never get there. But those other people are just an example of personal flow. My life as Paul Walker was just an example of how one guy flowed. It wasn't to copy. It was to show that through all of life...I kept my joy. I kept my happy and I did my best to keep my intentions pure. I was given opportunity and gifts that I held onto for a bit then ultimately paid forward. That example from me or those who you interact with in life or the things you read and watch...those are just examples. Evolving as a human and meeting your Highest and Best Self that's your Spirit, is finding your happy. It's finding your joy and your flow and it's not going to be like anyone else's. That is being limitless. That is Heaven on Earth.

Yeah, you have a body to work with. You have the world at your back or seemingly blocking your way but the blocks aren't a 360 and the world at your back is what's supporting your flow not shoving you in some corner. That dynamic of Earth brought me understanding. That dynamic of Earth brought me moments of thinking, what if this happened or what if I could do this which eventually rippled into advantage. It made worlds collide that created an amazing life for me to live and man...did I live it. Now, who I am is the sum of all of that plus no limits. And that's one of the reasons why you would have a little trouble recognizing me. It would be something limited looking at something limitless and when the sun shines on that horizon, instead of believing it's lighting the way, it could be blinding you to what is possible. Get used to that sun. Change that attitude. It's the half full, half empty scenario and it all starts with you.

Believing in limitation is just attitude. Yeah, we all have rules to live by but life doesn't stop at bills to pay or work to get done. If you're stuck in that Groundhog Day, it's time to give yourself some different scenery. Get outside and see what Earth shows you about limitation. She's not going to say don't explore yourself. She's going to say, explore me to explore you and once you start exploring yourself through that playground of Earth, you begin to find your happy or what moves you or what peaks your curiosity or even what ignites some sort of passion and as this starts to happen, you begin to attract others towards you and you start, as a group, to break through personal limitation.

Life is not about being a loner. You will have your moments of alone but life is not lonely. That's an attitude and it needs to be adjusted. Even if you feel completely alone, you're not. You want to know why? Because ghosts, like me, surround you 24/7. I've realized that there is no such thing as a singular entity. Here, you don't live as a singular entity. You have so many branches on your tree and when I look into people as humans, they have the exact same thing. They are just living one aspect of themselves but that aspect is not singular...it's a whole tree.

From who I am now, I cannot be who I was. I come as all of me and I come to you as all of you; as a piece of Heaven living life. It's a beautiful thing so when I give you a message that maybe sounds like I'm being a little critical, it's not that I mean to be. It's because I see you as something that is infinite. You, living on Earth, are exactly like me and when that gap isn't so wide and people start seeing what I see in them...that's when we can truly start living together again. That's limitless. That's my Heaven on Earth.

The preconceived separation doesn't exist for me. Not anymore. I've come to a point in my...evolution where that's not an actuality and the whole idea of this book is to make you guys consider that maybe I make a little bit of sense. When I lived, people hung on every word I said. I wonder if that would be true in this moment, at the end of this book. I wonder when you close it or...I guess a better visual is when you shut off your phones or your tablets and you stare off into the distance or into some sky, that you'd take a chance and call me and ask me to show you. You've read it. This was sort of the driver's manual. Now it's time for the practical. So will you? Would you call me in?

Even though I don't need a phone, I use the term pick up the phone. And I literally mean pick up your phone. Pick it up. Be in a state of open when you dial 728 592 5537. I mean, if you have some guy shouting at you that you have the wrong number then you probably really dialled it. Whoa...my bad. Anyway, the point is...pick up the phone. If you can pick up the phone and you can dial that number, you have that what if factor and that attracts me like a moth to a flame. Then take a breath and take a chance and ask me, Man, how've you been? I'll answer you honestly, Hey. It's nice to hear from you. I've been good...because I never left.

I say that language just can't make the cut for me anymore. I mean, I need it to communicate on that one to one level but to tell you about my view from here...language is pretty limiting. It's not just what I see. My view is taken in with those five senses and so much more and it's never obstructed. It's so much more. It's incredible. It's something to fall in love with over and over and over again and that's just looking at all of you. Thank you. Every single one of you, thank you. That view I have of you...it's pretty amazing and I got nothing but love. Thank you for being that for me, my incredible view...from here.
