 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
(fighting sounds)
 
 
- And so Bokchoy escaped once again.
 
- Being a ninja is tiring, isn't it, Sean? Sean? Sean?
(deep, distorted voice) Sean? Sean?
- Yeah!
- (deep, distorted voice) Sean? Sean?
Sean? Sean? (normal voice) Sean? Sean? Sean? Se--
- Oh, hi there.
- Wasn't that the coolest daydream ever, Sean?
- Yeah.
- Don't you just wish it all came true?
- I know, right?
- I mean, imagine if we were real ninjas.
(record scratch)
- Yeah, ninjas, right.
(dreamy sighs)
- I'm sorry I failed again.
- I know! You're fat.
- No, I'm saying he got away again.
- Because you are so fat.
- So what are we gonna do?
- You
are
fat.
You will never catch Bokchoy, because you are so fat.
- What are you saying?
- You're fat.
- No. What should I do?
- Either you start eating healthy, stop looking so damn ugly, exercise
more, and become a true ninja, or else find me somebody else who can do the job, because you will no longer be welcome here.
- Tread safely.
- You act as if anybody could stop me.
- I'm just saying, be careful.
- Ha ha ha ha!
That fat-ass ninja will never catch me!
Ha ha ha ha ha ha!
Ha ha ha ha! Ha ha ha ha!
Ha ha ha ha!
- So where did you go?
- The supermarket.
- And let me guess. You forgot the milk?
Ha ha ha ha ha!
 
Damn it.
- (voiceover) Either you
start eating healthy, stop looking
so damn ugly,
exercise more, and become a
true ninja, or else find me
somebody else to do the job,
because you will no longer be welcome here.
Hey, I can hear myself.
Echo, echo.
- He's absolutely right.
I'll find the replacement.
- And so Lapchung set out on an incredibly intense and detailed journey to find his replacement...
(knocking)
- Hello. My name is Lapchung, and I was wondering if you would like--
- ...but failed, so he tried once more...
(knocking)
- Hi, I'm Lapchung, and I would like to tell you--
- ...and failed again. So he tried something else.
 
(knocking)
- Hi, I'm selling Girl Scout cookies. Would you like to--
- But nothing seemed to work.
- And that's why this is my favorite door.
(birds chirping)
- Can I tell you why I'm here now?
- Sure.
- So my name is Lapchung, and I was--
(laughter)
- What?
(laughing) Lapchung!
- I said my name is Lapchung.
(laughter)
 
- His name is Lapchung!
Okay, I'm sorry. I'm sorry, go ahead. Go ahead.
- My name is Lapchung, and I--
(laughter)
Is there a problem here?
(laughter)
- It's okay. Okay.
Okay, I'm sorry. I'm sorry, really, really. All right, Sean? Okay. Go ahead. Go ahead. We're sorry.
- My name is Lapchung.
And I have a mission to defeat the evil Bokchoy, who has been--
(laughter)
who has been killing people and committing crimes. So I was sent here...
- Bokchoy!
- ...by Master Ching Ching.
- Master Ching Ching?!
- That is why I need your help.
- You're killing us.
- That's it.
- Wait, wait.
(contained laugh)
We'll do it.
- You will?
- Of course we'll do it. Right, Sean?
- Yeah! - Yeah! - Yeah! - Yeah! - Yeah! - Yeah!
- YEAH!
 
- Uh...
I'm just gonna ask, what the hell are you guys doing?
- It's a freeze frame moment.
- Uh, what?
- You know, a freeze frame moment, when something exciting is about to happen. You go like this.
- Just-- just meet me outside when you're ready.
- Goodbye!
- (voiceover) You will never catch Bokchoy because you are so fat!
- ♪ Why does everybody pick on me ♪
♪ just because I've got ♪
♪ a big ♪
♪ tummy? ♪
 
♪ The end. ♪
 
♪ The end. ♪
Damnit, what is taking them so long?
(knocking)
- What?
- What do you mean, what? I've been waiting for hours. We have to go meet Master Ching Ching.
- Oh, why didn't you say so?
- I told you to meet me outside.
- Ohhh.
- Meet you outside. We-- see, we thought you meant to put the meat outside.
- (groans) That--
That doesn't even make-- you know what? I'm not even gonna bother. You two just get your stuff right now
so we can leave, got it?
- Yeah.
- Yeah. - Yeah. - Yeah. - Yeah.
- Yeah. - Yeah. - Yeah. - Yeah.
- Yeah. - YEAH!
- (groans)
(Bleep) my life.
- And so the three settled on their journey to Master Ching Ching's temple.
They walked, they danced, they twirled,
and did other stuff. I don't know what it is.
Little did they know evil was afoot... afeet... evil was there.
- (chuckling)
- Heyyy, Lapchung.
- Lapchung, heyyy.
- Lapchung. We're going to Mash
Ching Ching's, Lapchung.
Master Ching Ching's, full of ninjas and rocks and dreams.
(repeating "Lapchung!")
- What?!
- Hi!
Hehehe!
- (groans)
All right, we're here.
- That's his temple?
- Yep.
Well, good luck, you two. 'Kay, bye.
- Wait. Where are you going?
- My job was to find the replacement for me, and now that that's done, peace out, losers.
(weak grunt, thud)
That was supposed to-- you know, with the smoke and...
uh...
(startled gasps)
- Are you...
Dumbledore?
- No, stupid, that's Gandalf.
- Dumbledore!
- Gandalf!
- Dumbledore!
- Silence!
I am Master Ching Ching.
- Oh, see, that was my second guess.
- So you two want to be
ninjas, do you?
 
- I'm back.
 
- Didn't even know you left. Where'd you go?
- I went back to the market, and guess what I saw on my way there.
- Wait, you went back to the market?
- Two new
ninjas.
Seems like Ching Ching is getting a little desperate.
- Well, did you
bring the milk?
- Oopsies!
- (sighs)
- We have bigger problems now. I want you to go and hunt those two bastards.
- Why don't you do it?
- I'm tired.
- Fine.
- Oh, and while you're there, can you go pick up some milk?
- (growls, door slams)
- Thank you, master, for teaching us the way of the ninja.
- We'll make sure that Bokchoy is nothing more than just
Choy.
- I have faith in you two, because you are not fat like Lapchung.
For that reason, you will defeat Bokchoy and make him the fat one.
- That...
didn't make any sense, but we will. I promise on Sean's life.
- Yeah!
- ♪ Making my way downtown, walking fast, faces pass, and I'm homebound. ♪
(vocalizes, cell phone rings)
 
Hello?
- What kind of milk do you want?
- What?
- Do you want 1% or skim?
- I want 2%.
- No, we are not drinking 2%.
That is so unhealthy.
- If you don't get me 2%, I'm going to give you the hardest pinch when you get home.
- Shut up! I'm getting skim. Bye.
- Wait! Wait! At least get the 1%! Hello? Gina?
NO!!!
- ♪ We're off to kill Bokchoy. We hope we don't get beat up. We'll twist his nipples and braid his hair, slap... ♪
- (chuckling)
- ♪ ...don't care. We're off to kill Bokchoy. We hope we don't get beat up. ♪
♪ We'll twist his nipple and braid his hair and slap... ♪
- ♪ ...his face like we don't care. ♪
- Sean.
Do you feel that?
- What?
- I feel like...
I feel like somebody's around.
- (sneezes)
- Now that you mention it, I do feel like somebody's around.
- Hello, boys.
- God?
- Sean, turn around.
 
- Oh, phew.
It's just a woman.
 
Ouch.
- What do you want from us?
- Hi, I'm Gina. That's how you first greet somebody when you first meet them, not,
"What do you want from us?"
- Okay. Hi, I'm Ryan.
What do you want from us?
 
- I want to kill you!
- (gasps) Why?
- I could use a little help over here.
- That's what I'm doing. I'm gonna get help.
Hey, milk.
(burps) Ah.
 
- You.
You drank all my milk!
(boom!)
(panting)
- Sean. Sean.
 
- Come closer.
Closer.
Closer.
- You know, I would, but you smell like burnt ass crack.
- It's probably because I crapped in my pants.
 
I want you to have this.
Damn it. I don't have it.
- Have what?
- My-- my wallet.
I was gonna give you my wallet, but...
Take this.
- I can't. It holds too many memories.
- Just-- just take it. I don't have much...
...time.
- Sean? Sean!
I found it.
I promise I'll never forget you. Goodbye, Shane.
Hey, Sean!
- Yeah?
- I farted!
- Me too!
- Hey, Sean!
- Yeah?
- I farted!
- No way!
- Hey, Sean!
- Yeah?
- I--
I pooped!
- Whaaat?
(laughter)
- Why do I have milk?
(line ringing)
- Damn it, Gina! Answer your phone.
- Yo, yo, yo, it's your girl va-Gina. Leave a message after the cow.
(cow moos)
- Damn it! Got to do everything around here!
- Hey, how are you doing?
- Oh, good, good.
Where's Gina?
- She's dead.
- What?
- Where's Sean?
- How would I know?
- Oh, right. He's dead.
- Well, then, it looks like it's just you and me.
- What the f--
(boom!)
- Ha ha ha!
You can't hide from me!
- Damn it. What am I gonna do?
- (voice-over) Just remember everything I taught you, and you'll be fine.
- Who is that?
- I'm the only one that talks like this, dumbass.
- Oh, right. But how am I supposed to beat somebody with fireballs?
- Well, that's not impossible for you.
- What do you mean?
- The entire human body is nearly 100 degrees naturally.
Imagine if you were to channel all of that heat and energy into one area.
- Well...
Then the rest of my body would get pretty cold.
- Haven't you ever been in a small room filled with naked sweaty fat guys before?
- No.
- Oh, right, right.
Yeah, me too, but if you were, the temperature from their body heat would be incredible, almost deadly.
- So?
- You know what, forget it. You're too stupid. You're on your own. Goodbye.
- Wait, wait.
- Well, maybe you can hide,
but you have to come out sometime.
Are you still here?
- Hey.
- Sean, you can't be here.
- Why not?
- You're dead.
- No, I'm not.
- Yes, you are. I saw you die.
See?
- Well, if you continued the flashback, you would have seen this.
Hey, are you okay?
- Yeah.
I'm fine.
- Sorry I drank all of your milk.
- It's okay. I kind of overreacted.
- That fireball thing you did was really cool though.
- Thanks. Well, I think I'm gonna go to the supermarket and buy me some more milk. See ya!
- All right. Bye.
- Wow, that's awesome.
- Yeah!
(farts)
- Shut up. He's gonna hear you.
- I can't help it.
(farts) I drank all that milk. (farts)
- Ha ha ha ha ha! I knew you couldn't hide forever.
- (whispering) Sean,
I have a plan.
- What is it?
- I want you to hold in
your next fart
really long.
- No, but it's gonna be really loud.
- Exactly. (Sean farts)
- Got you.
(fart)
 
(boom!)
- We did it.
- Let's just go home.
- I hear you.
I don't want to be a ninja anymore.
I don't want to see another ninja. I don't want to hear another ninja. I just want to go home, eat some ice cream,
get some milk, and get really fat.
- Speaking of fat, what ever happened
to Lapchung?
- Is anybody gonna eat this dead guy?
- Who knows? He's fat.
(laughter)
- True that, true that.
- So our tale comes to an end with our two heroes victorious on their journey to defeat the evil Bokhoy...
and...
the...
um... and...
They lived happily ever after. The end.
- Yay! Now tell me the one where they become gangsters!
 
 
 
(grunting)
- Stop!
- (chuckles)
- It's in your hand.
- Oh. (Sean laughs)
- (chuckles)
 
(laughter)
- I feel something. (laughter) It's like a sword or something.
- (laughs)
(laughter)
- I'm gonna go to the supermarket and buy me some more milk.
- Try it out again. Just stand up again. Stand up.
- You say his name is Lapchung.
What the hell?
- Ha!
Way too early.
(laughing)
What am I saying?
(laughter)
Lapchung!
- It's not your line!
- I know! Get all
the laughs, and bring it back in.
(burp, laughter)
(coughing)
Sorry.
Take-- this is like take 50 already.
(coughs)
- (sneezes)
- Now that you mention it,
I don't even know my line.
- Sean. Sean.
I found it.
Hey, I found-- (laughter)
I'll never forget you.
Damn it, I couldn't close it. Try again, try again. Never forget you.
 
- Oh.
- (laughs)
- You can't hide forever.
- Sorry. (laughter)
(making fun of pronunciation)
- You can't hide
from me.
- (snickering)
- Why are you laughing?
- You can't hide from me.
 
(laughter)
- Okay, well, I got a plan.
- What is it?
- I got a plan.
- What kind of plan?
 
- Oh. (laughter)
- Oh, I missed.
 
(laughter)
 
(laughter)
Are you okay?
