

SOMEONE LIKE

YOU

BY AMY SMOLCIC

Copyright © Amy Smolcic

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced, scanned, or

distributed in any printed or electronic form without permission from the

author.

Edited by Champagne Book Editing

The book is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places and incidents are the product of the author's imagination or are used fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual events, locales, or persons, living or bed is coincidental.

Copyright © 2014 by Amy Smolcic. All rights reserved, including the right to reproduce, distribute, or transmit in any form or by any means.

Manufactured in Australia

First Edition December 2014

The author acknowledges the copyrighted or trademarked status and trademark owners of the following watermarks mentioned in this work of fiction: Victoria's Secret, Rag & Bone, Vogue, Versace, Sushi Sushi, Playboy, BCBG, Rebecca Minkoff, Charlotte Ronson, Tyra Banks.

Chapter One

Chloe:

Click.

The flash is almost blinding.

"Move your hand above your head. Just like that, babe."

Click.

I don't even have time to position myself. And did he just call me babe? Ew.

Yep, another day, another sleazy, middle-aged photographer. You would think that after eight years of doing this I would be used to them, but I'm not.

Today we're shooting a campaign for Versace. Most importantly though, I'm receiving a six-figure check.

I never saw myself becoming an international supermodel; it happened unexpectedly. I was discovered on the streets of Paris during a family vacation when I was fifteen. It was our last day of the trip and I wanted to bring back a gift for my friend. As I rushed through the streets of Paris looking for the gift, I crashed body-first into a man dressed in polka-dot pants and a green shirt. He claimed to be from a modelling agency.

That was the moment my life changed forever.

I'm now twenty-three, with enough money to live comfortably for ten lifetimes. The hardest thing I have to do is walk in a straight line, even though I'm known to mess that up every now and then.

"Chloe, tilt your head. Perfect. Now look at my lens like you desire me, babe."

Oh, yeah, I really desire you. With his receding hairline, square glasses, and way-too-tight pants, this guy is the definition of a creep.

I follow his direction—it's my job to do so.

I pretend James Franco is the photographer. I look into the camera lens like my eyes are made of lasers.

I snap out of my daze to spot something shocking.

The photographer is getting undressed.

What is happening?

"You don't mind, right? I'm getting hot. I think it's you, babe."

I cringe.

This guy can't be serious. It's absolutely freezing, does he not know that it's winter in Madrid?

I ignore him. I would kick him in the balls, but I can't. My agency would be pissed, this creep would blackball me, and my career would be over.

As soon as we finish the shoot, I head outside to look for my driver. You probably think I am heading to some exclusive nightclub in town or to a red carpet event.

Wrong.

I'm heading back to my empty hotel room, alone.

I'm not complaining.

I'll be alone with a bottle of white wine and room service.

It's part of what happens when you're whisked away to a foreign city where you know no one.

Once I head back to my room, I grab hold of the menu. I feel like ordering everything on this damn thing, but I can't. I know I must get the salad.

Do I feel like the salad?

Hell, no.

My agent will be pissed that I'm even eating that. According to them, any food is bad food. On the allowed list are cigarettes, coffee, and pills. They're currently trying to get me on a pill that fulfills your appetite, yet doesn't make you gain any weight. It's the latest craze with everyone at the moment, especially with New York Fashion Week starting soon.

Just as I'm about to phone my order through to the kitchen, there's a knock at the door.

With a long sigh, I answer it.

"Hello, my darling," Maria says in her thick French accent, giving me two fake air kisses. I have never understood the air-kiss thing fashion industry people love so much.

Maria is my agent and the owner of Amaze Model Management. It's a well-known fact that she spends less time helping us female models on her books, and more time in the pants of her male models.

Sometimes I think that the readily-available man candy was the only reason she started her agency. I don't blame her.

"Darling, you know Fabrizio is in town. Why are you here alone?"

Fabrizio Barros, Spanish male supermodel and the fantasy of most women and many men. We have worked together numerous times, and cross paths often. His perfect jawline, crystal blue eyes, and messy hazelnut hair has caused me to flush embarrassingly on set multiple times.

The guy is the most gorgeous thing I have ever seen.

We have dated casually on and off for the last few years. Nothing serious has ever come from it. Sometimes it's comforting to go out with someone in the same position as you.

However, I'm sure Maria has hooked up with him. Therefore, there's no way I ever want to be serious with him.

"Maria, I don't think it's a good idea."

Maria looks at me as if I'm crazy. "Well, my darling, I think it's a fantastic idea."

"It really isn't."

Now she looks as if she's becoming frustrated. "Chloe, you're a pretty girl and all, but you need to work on that bad mood of yours. Fabrizio can help you," Maria responds.

I cringe. It's like listening to your mom talking about sex.

Why does Maria want me to go out with him so badly anyway?

I don't want to talk about this anymore. "Look Maria, I want to rest. Today was a long day."

"Fine, fine. But no resting, we have business to discuss."

There is always business to discuss. According to Maria, I'm on a flight tomorrow morning back to New York. In the next month I'm participating in New York, Milan and Paris Fashion Week, where I should be walking a total of eighty-odd shows. I feel exhausted just thinking about it.

Once Maria leaves, I inhale and exhale six deep breaths. I wish she wasn't so intense. Most people in the industry are like Maria; that's why they're so successful.

Sometimes I don't know what I've gotten myself into. Eight years ago I was back in Georgia, feasting on my mom's fried chicken and sweet tea. I didn't know what Vogue was, and I thought Versace was a restaurant. Life was simple and easy. No one knew my name, and I didn't have the paparazzi stalking me everywhere.

I always think about what would have happened if I hadn't taken the risk. Would I be married already? Have children? Have graduated from college like the rest of my friends?

That's something I'll never know.

I lie in bed and my stomach rumbles. I know skipping meals is bad; I'm not stupid. But in this cutthroat industry where girls as young as thirteen are being scouted, we need to keep up.

I close my eyes and attempt to drift off. I'm starting to think that maybe it isn't only my stomach that's starting to feel empty.

Something else is missing. I just can't figure out what that is.

Jaeger:

Smash.

Another plate breaks.

I notice my boss watching me from the corner of my eye. He isn't going to like this. "Jaeger, that's coming from your pay!" Eugine screams.

Great, just what I needed.

Smash.

There goes the cup, too.

This time last year my band, Atomic Nights, signed a multi-album deal with Rapid Records. Just as we completed the album, the label told us that they had had a change of heart. Apparently, alternative music was out. If we wanted to remain signed to the label, we were told that we had to change our sound to indie rock.

Fuck that.

I'll never become anyone's puppet.

We will never change our sound for anyone.

So here I am, stuck waiting tables to cover the rent.

Or at least, trying to cover the rent. It probably won't happen this month with all the shit I have been breaking. This job isn't the best one out there, but it will do.

Despite the problems the band is having, we're still together. Tonight we have a show at Below Bar, an underground club in the city. Yeah, we're not getting money for it, but a show is a show. Plus, we get free drinks, so I'm in.

The fact that we get to play our music for a live audience is exciting enough, so I don't care that we're not getting paid.

I head back to the kitchen to collect the meal that was remade from the breakage. As I approach the table, I know in my head that this lady is going to say something. It comes with working at a five-star restaurant.

The woman is dripping in jewels. The clothes she has on right now are probably worth more than everything I own.

"Well, about time! I have been waiting for one hour," she says.

"Sorry."

I try to look sympathetic, but it's hard to pretend. I'm not sorry for wrecking her meal. That is the honest truth. Call me an asshole, I don't care.

"I want my money back for the entire bill."

Not happening, lady. I replaced her meal, what else does she want? Does she want me to fan her while feeding her spoonfuls of her dinner?

"Don't you look at me like that. Who do you think you are? You shouldn't even be working here with those tattoos all over your damn arms and that piercing on your eyebrow, you..."

My boss interrupts her. This will be interesting. I already know he's going to side with her. According to Eugine, the customer is always right.

"Is there a problem, madam?" he asks politely.

"Yes, him," she says, pointing in my direction as if I'm a piece of trash.

He turns towards me and raises his eyebrows. I shrug my shoulders. I'm not scared of him or this woman. I have dealt with far more intimidating people in my life than these two.

He smooths things over with her and offers her a refund, with food and a free dessert. She gladly accepts the offer.

Just when I thought I had gotten away with it, he calls me into his office.

As I begin to walk back to the kitchen, Eugine appears beside me. "Jaeger, in my office, now," he murmurs.

"Yes, boss."

I take a breath and walk down to his office in the basement. I hesitate for a moment before entering. I walk in to see him staring at me sternly. Shit.

"You need to get it together. I can't afford for you to keep slipping up, and I'm sure you can't, either. I'm sending you home. You're on one last warning. Another mistake and I'm firing you, got it?"

"Crystal," I smirk and walk away.

I might act cocky, but inside I am worried. If I get fired, I am screwed. He is right, I can't afford to lose this job.

However, he's kidding himself if he thinks I'm going home tonight. I've got a show to play and booze that needs drinking. Eugine is full of empty threats.

Even though I'm scared of losing my job, I don't care. I don't care if a customer gets a cold meal, if they're unhappy, or if their food is late. Why should I care about them anyway? No one cares about me. Nobody has ever cared about me.

I decide to head to Below now. We're due to play in approximately three hours.

I walk into the club to see that it's a ghost town. Usually it is at around this time. I head over to the bar to have a couple of drinks while I wait for the boys.

"Jaeger, what are you doing here so early? What can I get you?" Marty asks from behind the bar.

I met Marty when I first moved to New York a year ago. I found this place by accident one night after getting trashed. The rest is history. I don't know exactly how old he is; he has to be at least fifty.

"Just a whisky for now, Marty."

He retrieves my old friend Johnnie Walker and pours me a glass.

"What's the matter, kid? Is something wrong?" Marty asks. He always knows when something is wrong. It's like he has a sixth sense for this stuff.

"I feel like nothing is happening with my life, like something is missing. I try and hold onto hope that the band will make it, but every day it seems less likely."

I shouldn't go into tonight with bad vibes, but I can't help it. I have felt so stuck recently. I have all these hopes and dreams, yet I'm stuck waiting tables.

"Kid, you need to take a breath and calm down. Everything will eventually work itself out," he says as he passes me a glass.

Sometimes I think bartenders learn psychology at bartender school. They always know how to give the best advice. Most importantly, they're also great in helping you forget—with the assistance of hard liquor, of course.

I keep on downing glasses until my band members arrive. I'm so trashed that I doubt I can even get onto that stage. I didn't plan on getting smashed, it just happened. I usually don't like resorting to alcohol when I'm feeling like this. It's something I used to do often a few years ago.

I may feel delirious right now, but that's okay.

The feelings I had earlier have disappeared, replaced with a daze of euphoria that can only be caused by extreme intoxication.

This feels good.

Right now I can't feel a thing. You can't feel empty when you can't feel anything at all.

Chapter Two

Chloe:

When Maria said that I was flying back to New York this morning, she failed to mention that I wouldn't be doing so alone.

I notice Fabrizio Barros making his way to the airport gate at the corner of my eye. He looks every part the male supermodel with his styled hair and designer attire. He's being escorted to the gate by two security guards.

Of course he is.

He dismisses them and makes his way towards me.

Shit.

He greets me with a kiss on the cheek and on my palm. "Have I ever told you how sexy your hair looks when it's like that?"

There I was, waiting in the airport lounge alone, and he had to spoil it. This is going to be a long flight.

"Maria didn't say you were flying back, Fab."

"I wasn't going to, but then I found out you were, so I changed flights," he says with his eyes twinkling.

Is he trying to flirt with me? He's going to have to try harder than that. I know all his tricks.

"Does Maria know?"

Fab shakes his head. "No," he answers.

This isn't good. She's definitely going to pop a blood vessel from that. There's nothing Maria hates more than her models changing schedules without her knowing. She likes to be in ultimate control. She's the master, we're her puppets.

"You know she's going to freak?"

"Of course I know that. But I'll fix her up later," he says with a wink, trying to brush it off.

I really don't want to know what he means. I hope he doesn't mean sexually. That's something I don't want to think about.

I try to block out any thoughts I have of Maria and Fab having sex.

We're finally called to board. The timing couldn't come quick enough. Maria always books her models business-class tickets. Though she does deduct it from the money we make, so technically we pay for it. We pay for everything. Flights, drivers, and accommodation are all our responsibility. Most people think we travel around the world for free. Little do they know that it all comes at a price.

Hopefully Fab won't be next to me on the flight, since we didn't book the tickets together. At least I hope that's the case.

That dream is shattered when he takes a seat right next to me.

This can't be happening.

"Well, it looks like we're sitting next to each other, mi amor," he says with a wolfish grin.

I'm not going to give in to his charm. Without making a fuss, I respond. "It sure looks like that."

I grab my handbag, hoping to find my eye mask and earphones so I can block him out. My hand digs deep into my bag, and I find nothing.

Damn.

I guess I won't be getting any sleep on this flight.

Fabrizio continues his intense stare at me. "What are you doing once we land?" he asks.

I will admit we have hooked up a few times before; I'm not going to lie. But I only did it as you become lonely when you're on the road all the time.

Don't give in, Chloe. You know exactly what he's trying to do. "Well, getting my bags, going through customs, then I will search for my driver. The usual." I shrug, like, what else would I be doing?

He shakes his head and laughs.

"What if I told you to not worry about finding your driver?"

Huh?

His eyes are still twinkling.

"You want me to walk? That could take a while, Fabrizio." I play dumb and act innocent even though my heart is beating rapidly.

"No, Chloe, I mean leave with me, come back to my apartment."

Could he be anymore direct? "Why?" I ask suspiciously.

"Why not?"

That's true. How could I say no? He's the hottest thing I've ever seen. But then I picture him with Maria. Him devouring Maria, caressing Maria, and doing all the things we have done together. Hypothetical vomit begins to make its way up my gut.

Or is that real vomit?

I feel my stomach churning and my head becoming light.

Yep, it's definitely vomit.

I purge. Fab has zero time to react before he's covered in it.

I would laugh if it weren't so gross.

Fab remains expressionless.

"Oh God, sorry, Fab," I say as I try to clean up the mess I have made all over him.

I'm impressed he isn't acting grossed out by it or cringing from the foul smell I have created.

Luckily, it only ended up on his blazer. Without making a fuss, he removes it from his shoulders, folds it and places it in his carry-on bag.

His hand brushes my face and I feel my stomach beginning to flutter again. "It's okay, Chloe, you're feeling unwell. I understand," he says.

I'm feeling dizzy again, and I'm sure my face is as red as a tomato, too.

"Uh-huh."

Uh-huh isn't a word, Chloe.

It doesn't matter how hard I try; Fab has me in the palm of his hand.

I'm a fool.

"So, tonight—are we still on?"

I can't remember agreeing to that. Now I know why he's been acting so caring.

"Are you using my sickness to your own benefit, Fab?" I shake my head, raising my eyebrows.

Now he's the one flushing. Taking advantage of the fact that I'm feeling helpless and delirious is something Fabrizio would do.

"Maybe," he replies.

I knew it.

He gets points for being honest, though.

Fab looks hopeful. "So... yes?" he urges.

Maybe I should agree to spend time with him. It might be good to hang out with someone. I don't have to sleep with him. "Okay, I'll go. You happy, Fab?"

He smiles with that damn grin he's so famous for. He does have a million-dollar smile. It's the type of smile that can get anybody to agree to anything.

The eight-hour flight comes to an end quickly. I must have dozed off at some stage, as I open my eyes to find Fabrizio staring at me attentively. It's sort of creepy.

We stare at one another for a moment before anyone speaks a word. Fab breaks the silence. "You always look so beautiful when you're asleep," he says.

Before I get carried away with the way he says "beautiful," it hits me. Has he stared at me asleep before? We have hooked up, and yes, we have slept in the same bed together. But I've never watched him fall asleep. Usually I pass out and awake in the morning to a killer hangover.

"Are you a vampire?" I jokingly ask Fab.

"Errrrr... what? No!"

"So why on Earth have you watched me sleep? It might have been cute in Twilight when Edward watched Bella, but dude, it's creepy." It really is creepy. But I can't get too pissed with him. His guilty face is adorable.

A smile sweeps across his face. "I don't do it to be creepy. I do it because I can't sleep."

He makes a valid point. Can any model sleep? I haven't come across a model that doesn't have insomnia. In our world, sleep is something you only get when you're in transit on an airplane.

The plane finally lands and I inhale and exhale a few deep breaths. It doesn't matter how many times I fly, the moment when the plane lands is always the most terrifying part of the entire flight.

Fab helps me with my carry-on bag, and we walk over to the baggage claim. Everyone is staring at us. Even though it happens often, it still makes me feel uneasy. I always think of a million other things they're probably looking at. Is my dress tucked into my underwear? Is there toilet paper on my shoe? Or maybe I smell really bad.

"Look, it's them," a lady gasps to her husband as she points to a sign.

I turn around to see that it's not just any sign, it's an advertisement for an Armani fragrance Fab and I shot for.

I look over to Fab; he loves the attention. A wide grin is painted on his face as women begin queuing up for his photo. Fab is in his glory, signing autographs and flirting with every woman who approaches him.

Once he's finished with all the eager women, we grab our bags.

Fab's still buzzing from all the attention. "Don't you just love it?" he asks when we're in his driver's car.

"Love what?"

"Our life, Chloe, the glamor of it. Getting paid to fly around the world, getting free stuff, and being recognized by everyone. I can't imagine anything better."

All that stuff is exciting and I'm thankful for it all. However, I'm not sure if it's something that motivates me anymore.

"The novelty of it all died a long time ago, Fab."

It really did. There was a time when getting recognized and mobbed in public places was exciting; now it's a pain in the ass. Flying around the world used to be exhilarating; now it feels like a chore.

I glance at the New York skyline as we cross the Robert F. Kennedy Bridge. It makes me remember the first time I arrived in New York as a fifteen-year-old. I had stars in my eyes and a dream to be like Tyra Banks. I wanted the flashing lights and the glitz and the glamor.

Why? I don't know. I guess I always imagined that it would make my life much easier. I wouldn't have to get a proper job or go to college. I liked the idea of making enough money that my family back home could live comfortably.

My thoughts are interrupted when the car comes to a stop. "Here we are, Casa di Antonio's. Is this correct, sir?" Fab's driver asks.

"Perfect, señor, just take our bags back to my apartment." I guess that means I will need to go to Fab's apartment to get my luggage after this. Smooth move.

Confused about what's going on right now, I step out of the car and follow Fab. He's walking towards the doors of a swanky restaurant.

"Fab, what on Earth are we doing?" I ask him.

"I'm taking you on a date."

Say what? I never agreed to any date. I told you this guy is sneaky.

"You never said we were going on a date."

"Yeah, I did, just now."

I accept the fact that there's no getting out of this. We walk through the door to be served instantly.

I've never eaten here before. The dimness of the candles creates a romantic and seductive atmosphere. Despite the rustic colours and scenery, it looks modern.

"Mr. Barros, we have your regular table ready, if you would like to follow me."

That's fast. He must have connections.

We sit down at a table that is adjacent to the window. It looks like this is the best table in the place. The view of the city from the window looks amazing.

"Your server will be with you in a moment," he says as he hands us a menu each.

I haven't got another job booked for one week, so tonight I can indulge. Everything on the menu sounds mouth-watering, probably because I've hardly eaten in three weeks. Dog food would be appetizing right now.

I look up from my menu to see the server standing at the end of the table. I can't believe my eyes. Not only does his face look like angels carved it, his body is heaven. Not only that, he has a sleeve tattoo. I'm pretty sure I've had dreams about guys like this.

"What's up? My name is Jaeger, and I'll be serving you tonight. Are you both ready to order?"

He's so chilled out, I love it.

"HI," I say in the pitch of a teenager. He stares at me like I'm some sort of weird bitch. Fab glares at me from across the table. I think someone's feeling a bit jealous.

I can't believe I'm acting as if I have never seen a guy before. Get it together, Chloe.

Fab orders first. "I'll have the deluxe chicken burger, but with no chicken," he says.

Now it's Fab who is enduring an intense glare from Jaeger.

"So you want a burger, but no chicken?" Jaeger asks, refusing to believe Fab's request.

Fab is becoming frustrated. "I'm on this new diet where I'm not supposed to have any meat," he says, gritting his teeth.

"So, you're a vegetarian then. Man, we have vego menus if you want that."

"I'm not a vegetarian, I'm on a diet."

I giggle. Each man is as impossible as the other.

"Well, Fab, if you're not eating meat, then you should look at the vegetarian menu. There might be some tasty things on there, give it a try," I suggest.

Jaeger looks amused.

Fab doesn't back down. "Whatever," he says pouting.

I settle for a steak and fries. Dinner tonight is going to make up for all the missed calories I have failed to consume over the past month. As soon as Jaeger disappears, Fab shows little effort to hide his jealousy.

"You're so obvious," he remarks.

Fab sounds bitter, as if he's jealous. This is out of character; he's usually jealous of nobody.

"What?"

"Him, you keep on staring at him."

"So what? He's a total babe," I gush. I'm not going to deny it, the guy is gorgeous.

Fab turns towards Jaeger and gives him the biggest death stare I have ever seen. More powerful than any look I have seen him give on the runway. If looks could kill, Jaeger would drop dead right now.

I give him a puzzled look. "Why are you so pissed, Fab?" I ask.

"Because we're on a date, and you keep focussing on him. Seriously, Chloe, how could you even be into that? What's with that eyebrow piercing? I'm not sure what he's trying to prove. And the tattoos, too. The guy looks like he just got out of jail."

They're some harsh words.

That's exactly why I can't stop staring: he's like nothing I have ever seen before. He's rugged and so striking. His hazelnut hair is messy, as if he's just woken up. Those green eyes are the most perfect things I've ever seen.

I'm going to start salivating if I'm not too careful.

"So what if I keep looking at him? This isn't even a proper date anyway, and don't you forget about all the times you flirted with other girls in front of me."

"I never flirt. I'm just a friendly, affectionate person," he says with a shrug.

So being friendly equates to kissing girls' necks backstage at fashion shows now? He does it on a regular basis, if you happen to know. He's acting unreasonable.

I look away from him for a moment. I can't handle it when he becomes controlling.

"Anyway, subject change. Why did you order the steak and fries? Fashion Week is soon. You know how hardcore the agency and Maria get about measurements." How could I forget? He thinks I don't know that?

"Fab, I've hardly eaten for three whole weeks. I'm not going to gain fifty pounds from one meal. Plus, I have those pills from Maria."

Maria takes it upon herself to act like some sort of pharmacist with her models. Over the years she has given me all sorts of diet pills, uppers, downers, sleeping pills, cocaine and vitamins. It's illegal, but I doubt she cares. Her priority is keeping her clients happy. Right now, her clients are after models who are thin with energy levels out of this world.

In the real world you can't be thin and super-energized. You need food to fuel your energy. But in our world, anything is possible.

Whatever Maria wants, she gets.

"Don't you think it's incredibly messed up that we take all these pills? We could die, Fab."

He looks unfazed, as if it's something he never thinks about. "I don't think about it," he says.

Most models don't.

He pours himself another glass of wine before he continues. "You know that's just how it goes. There's nothing we can do to change it. At the end of the day, we're just another body to them, with a pretty face."

It's true. We become what they want us to become. For every shoot, we're a different character. If the agency wants us to get a haircut, we do it. If they want us to lose five pounds, we better do it.

He reaches for my hand over the table. "Stop thinking about it. You've been doing this shit for so long, why is it such a big deal now, querida?"

"I guess I'm tired, that's all."

"Tu es tan linda, Chloe."

Fab is attempting to make me forget by caressing my hand. Gently, he touches each individual finger.

"Why do you always speak Spanish to me? I don't ever get what you're saying, it's annoying," I say, frowning.

He's grinning again. He knows I enjoy it when he talks Spanish. "You love it, plus it's sexy," he says with a wink.

Okay, maybe it is sexy. I take that back, it's absolutely tantalizing. He could say that I look harrowing and smell like shit, and it would be music to my ears.

We're interrupted by Jaeger with our meals. He places them down and I get a glance at those muscles.

How is a human like this even possible?

I need to stop checking him out.

I begin to laugh when I see Fab's burger. He can't eat that. There's no way that's going to fill him up.

Fab catches me laughing. "What's so funny, Chloe?" He says, glaring across the table.

"Nothing, Fab. Just eat."

As soon as he takes a bite, he looks at me. Something is on his nerves tonight, and I know exactly what it is. I'm ninety-nine percent sure that it has nothing to do with the burger.

He places his meal back onto the plate. "It's cold," he says.

It's just a bun, lettuce, cheese and tomato with some sauce on it. Of course it's going to be cold.

Fab gestures with his fingers for Jaeger to come over to the table with ferocity raging through his eyes.

I don't have a good feeling about this.

Jaeger:

I know I've seen that chick somewhere, I just can't work out where. I try to think of all the places where I could have seen her.

That's it!

That's Chloe Jackson. She walked in the Victoria's Secret show last year. Of course she did, she's fine, and even hotter in real life. Her in those red angel wings she wore in the show have been the subject of my late-night fantasies for some time now.

The girl likes to eat too. There's nothing sexier then a girl who orders a steak and fries. When I took her order I expected her to choose something from the salads page, but she surprised me.

That douche must be her boyfriend.

Who was I kidding? Girls like her only date guys like him. The closest I will ever get to her is in my dreams.

I bet she has no idea how good a real man could take care of her.

My fantasy is put on hold when he gestures for me to come to their table, like I'm his slave.

He has to be kidding. I'm no one's slave.

His face is fuming as I approach their table. I look over to Chloe and she has her head down as if she's embarrassed.

"It's cold!" he yells.

Thinking that he's talking about her meal, I apologise and offer to take it away. There goes my plan to impress her.

He shakes his head. "No, my meal, capullo."

I don't know much Spanish, but I do know what capullo means.

Of course it's going to be cold; it's a burger without any meat. This guy can't be serious. He can't be this pissed about a damn burger.

"Dude, it's a burger without the meat, how can it be warm?" I ask.

It's common sense. It doesn't look like he has any, though.

"Work it out, asshole."

Hell, no. He doesn't get to call me an asshole.

Now I'm the one getting angry. If we were on the street, I would take this guy on. But now is not the time. I need to act professional. "What's your problem, buddy?" I say.

I'm this close to asking him to meet me at the back so I can beat his ass.

"Fab, it isn't a big deal," she tries to reassure him.

So the douche has a name. Fab.

He dismisses her. "No babe, it's not right," he says, grasping her hand.

I'm not going to let this douche get away with it. "Dude, listen to your girlfriend, you're acting like a dick."

"Not his girlfriend," she says, raising her hands.

Just when I was about to say something, the asshole opens his mouth and yells to see my boss. "I want to see the owner, right now."

Eugine sees what is happening and rushes over to the table. I'm in serious shit.

"What is the problem, Mr. Barros?" Eugine politely asks him.

"This waiter you have here is rude and unaccommodating."

Oh, come on.

Eugine turns towards me, narrow-eyed. Miss Supermodel on the other side of the table is still acting embarrassed.

Still in polite mode, Eugine tries to calm the asshole down. "I apologize, Mr. Barros. I will provide you with a new meal and your bill on the house."

Thinking everything's sweet, I walk away and head towards the kitchen, but Eugine stops me.

"In my office now, Jaeger."

I groan and follow him. This isn't going to end well. I'm going to lose my job, I know it.

With a sick feeling in my stomach, I make my way to Eugine's office.

I walk in to see him sitting there with a frown. I take a seat.

"I wish I could make this easier, but, Jaeger, I need to let you go."

"Eugine, he was complaining about a burger without the chicken. Of course it's going to be fucking cold."

He tries to look sympathetic, but he's failing miserably. "I know, Jaeger, but you have to please your customer's every request, no matter how ludicrous it is. Mr. Barros is a regular customer here. He has a lot of influence. Sorry, Jaeger, you need to leave. I'll pay you for the rest of the shift."

Without arguing, I leave.

As I walk out I glance at the asshole's table and things look strained. She looks up at me and mouths "sorry."

I don't want her or anyone's sympathy.

Fuck him, and fuck her.

Chapter Three

Chloe:

It's Fashion Week.

Kill me now.

Before a day of shows starts, I must meet with my agency.

I force myself up out of bed so I can shower. There's no way I'm going to Maria's office without having a shower. She will have my head.

After I shower, I throw on some jeans and a tee.

I prefer to keep it casual. Comfort over some outfit that's too tight any day.

Once I'm dressed, I meet my driver, Davey, outside. Without him, I'm screwed.

Davey drops me off in front of Amaze Model Management's office. I promise to text him if I need him throughout the day.

I walk into a state of chaos. People are running around everywhere, preparing for the craziness that is Fashion Week. "Chloe is here, everyone," an intern shouts across the room.

Maria and Yves, her assistant, rush over to me. Yves follows Maria like a lost puppy.

Maria gives me one air kiss on each cheek. "Darling, you're here. We have a busy day for you. You'll be walking in four shows today. BCBG at 10:00 a.m., Rag and Bone at 1:00 p.m., Rebecca Minkoff at 3:00 p.m., and Charlotte Ronson at 8:00 p.m. But first, we must take your measurements. Yves, darling, grab the measuring tape."

Yves passes the measuring tape to Maria.

I hate this part. Does it really matter what my measurements are? As long as I can fit into a sample size, it really shouldn't matter.

She wraps the tape around my bust. "Fantastic, thirty-two inches, that's half an inch less than last time."

She then moves it to my waist. "Twenty-three and a half, I knew those pills would work."

Then, my hips.

Her jaw drops.

"No, no, no, no, this can't be happening," Maria says as she places her palms on her face. "You're up two inches Chloe, two whole inches!"

"Elle est grasse," Maria says to Yves.

Grasse means fat in French. She's calling me fat in another language right in front of me? Is this some sort of joke?

Why does it matter? I'm a woman. Aren't we supposed to fluctuate between different sizes depending on the time of the month?

"Chloe, I told you specifically, one meal per day plus the pills. How dare you not follow my instructions? You work for me. Nobody will book you now, forget it."

"Yves, call the designers. Chloe cannot walk today, tell them she is sick," she orders him.

Yves rushes to the phone and calls all my bookers. "I know, but Chloe is unwell... I understand, but we can't have her walking shows in her current state," I overhear him saying.

Designers and bookers hate it when models are sick. When a model pulls out of a show at the last minute, it isn't only unprofessional, it's also a massive inconvenience.

I have a feeling that telling designers that I'm sick is going to cause more harm to my career than gaining two inches on my hips.

I mean, I'm still a size four, I can't see what the problem is.

"You need to lose those two inches before the shows tomorrow," Maria demands.

The hell I am.

I'm not taking this bullshit from her. "Maria, this isn't working anymore," I say.

She looks at me, baffled. I guess people don't usually stand up to her. This might be an insane idea, but there's no backing down now.

"Chloe, I don't understand," she says.

"This, Maria—you representing me. I need a break. I'm leaving Amaze."

Maria's eyes are fuming. "You can't leave me, I created you. You would be nothing without me!"

The entire office has gone silent from Maria's shouting.

She doesn't own me; I belong to me. I don't need her or her agency. I don't need this damn industry. Maybe it's time for me to give this up.

"I will destroy you, Chloe. I will make sure no one ever books you or your fat ass."

Who does she think she is? Behind her expensive clothes and plastic surgery, she's nothing.

"Screw you," is all I say before I leave.

I rush out the door as fast as I can. As soon as I enter the lobby, I spot Fab.

Could this day get any worse?

"Chloe, querida, how are you?" he says, kissing my cheek.

I can't do this. How do I explain to him that I left the agency? Fab will never understand. He's one of Maria's minions. It doesn't matter how badly she treats him, he will always run back to her.

"Fab, I need to go. I can't do this right now."

He grabs my shoulders. "Querida, calm down. What happened?" he asks as if he's genuinely concerned.

"I left the agency, Fab. I can't do it anymore."

"Why?" he quizzes.

"I gained two inches on my hips, Maria went ape, and I quit," I say with a shrug.

"Chloe, I said to you the other day that you needed to be careful. What were you thinking?"

What the hell? I can't deal with this right now. So it's a crime to eat food now? Plus, I'm pretty sure it's just hormonal weight anyway. It will probably disappear in a few days.

I don't have time to listen to this. "Fab, move out of my way," I say as I try to move around him.

Fab grabs my shoulders. "Chloe, go up and apologize, it isn't too late," he pleads.

"I don't want to. I'm leaving."

I brush past him and exit the agency.

I don't need Fabrizio Barros, and I don't need Amaze Model Management.

***

I never thought that on the first day of New York Fashion Week I would be sitting inside a Sushi Sushi restaurant instead of walking shows.

But here I am.

Agentless and jobless.

Maybe it's a good thing to have a break. It's not like I'm going to go broke anytime soon, so I'm not too worried.

I look at the menu board and everything looks appetizing. I settle for a beef tataki pack.

Why not? No one is here to tell me I can't.

I look around the room and spot someone oddly familiar. That has to be Jaeger, the server from that damn restaurant Fab took me to the other night. The same one where Fab acted like an asshole.

Jaeger spots me.

Shit.

Why does he look so pissed? What did I do? It's illegal to look at someone now? Jeez. I shoot an evil glare right back at him. That will show him.

He gets up from his seat and walks towards me.

Double shit.

I'm speechless as he walks towards me. He's barely recognisable in jeans, a plaid shirt and a tee. "Hey, Miss Supermodel, where's your boyfriend today?"

"I have name, jerk, it's Chloe. Also, Fab isn't my boyfriend."

"Well I have a name too, it's Jaeger."

And what a beautiful name it is.

Stop it Chloe, the guy is an asshole.

That's it, I'm not dealing with this guy's attitude. "I don't get what I did for you to be so pissed with me. I don't even know you. I've had the shittiest day ever, I just want to be left alone."

"I got fired from the restaurant, and now I have no job," he says, dropping the smirk.

"That makes two of us."

"What do you mean?" he asks, confused.

"I walked out of my agency."

"I'm sorry to hear that. What happened?"

"I gained two inches on my hips, my agent said that I'm getting fat, I got pissed and I quit. I know, I'm unprofessional and a horrible person."

He looks at me as if I'm crazy. I can't work out whether he's shocked at my irresponsible choice of not following Maria's instructions, or the behavior of the agency.

"That's kind of fucked-up, Chloe."

"What is?"

"That they called you fat. You're perfect."

I wouldn't go as far as perfect. If I was perfect, I would still be represented by Amaze. I appreciate that he's trying to cheer me up, though.

"You're looking at me like I'm crazy," he says. "Can't you see what every guy can see? You're like the hottest girl ever. Who gives a shit if they think you gained weight? I would book you." He winks.

"Models aren't prostitutes, you know."

"In a way you are, you just don't have sex for money. But when you book a job, I bet you do whatever your client wants you to do, right? They fly you around the world, like a high-priced call girl."

I've never thought about it that way. I guess he's right. On a job, we become in the possession of our clients.

"Okay, maybe you're kinda right. Anyway, while we're on this topic, I'm sure most girls would say the same about you."

Cue the blushing. Blushing is not something I do, but when it comes to this guy, I can't help it. And why did I just say that?

"Well, you're a little forward, aren't you, Miss Jackson? If you wanted to hit it, you should've just asked."

That's it, I'm going to kill him.

"You're so bad."

"That I am, Chloe, that I am."

"Anyway, Jaeger, don't hold your breath."

Suddenly, he inhales a massive breath and begins to hold it. I cannot stay mad at him, it's damn impossible. I don't know what to say, so I laugh.

After holding his breath for over two minutes, it looks as if he's ready to pass out.

"Jaeger, you're going to die. Stop holding your breath." I giggle.

He exhales a large breath, and his face returns back to a healthy color.

"The things I do for you," he says, shaking his head.

Despite it being a terrible morning, today has been good. I can't remember laughing this much in a long time.

I wait for the giggles to pass before I speak again. "So, Jaeger, tell me about yourself," I ask him.

He lets out a long groan. "Okay, what do you want to know?"

"What sort of music are you into?" I decide to ask something less personal. I don't want to seem intrusive.

"What music do you listen to?"

Looks like someone is turning the tables. That isn't fair.

I pout. "I asked you first."

"Change of rules. Better yet, pass me your phone, I'm sure you have music saved on there."

Before I could stop him, he grabs it. Who just grabs someone's phone to see their music? Ugh.

He smiles to himself as he flicks through my phone. Uh-oh, what has he found?

"Lil Wayne? 'Lollipop'?" he says, amused. "Does shawty like to lick the wrapper?"

This isn't happening. I don't even know why I have it on there. "Oh God, shut up, that was my jam back in the day."

It was. I'm not ashamed to admit it.

"Very interesting."

Oh no, he has found something much more embarrassing than Lil Wayne, I know it. Just when I was beginning to like Jaeger, he had to do this.

"Atomic Nights, huh?"

Thank goodness, he didn't find anything else embarrassing. "Have you heard of them? They're an underground alternative band. I saw them live a year ago, it was so incredible."

And it was. I dragged my boyfriend at the time to the show. While he wore earplugs, I was in my glory. I remember the lead singer on stage, commanding the attention of everyone in the room. There was a moment during the show when I wished I wasn't with my boyfriend. That sounds awful, I know. It's the truth, though.

"The lead singer is pretty good. Sex god, if you ask me," he says with the biggest smile on his face.

It hits me. This isn't happening, it can't be. It's him, the lead singer from Atomic Nights.

How could I not realize? "It's you, you're him! I'm so stupid."

That cocky grin has returned. "Nice to know that you're into my music, that's pretty rad."

"Enough of me fangirling, how come you haven't released another album?"

I can see that my question has thrown him off. The last I've heard new music from Atomic Nights was over a year ago when I saw them live. There has to be a reason why nothing has happened.

"Shit happened. The label wanted us to change our sound, we refused, so they dropped us."

I feel bad for him. I can imagine how much it would suck. To think you have your future planned out, and then it gets taken away from you, is awful. I can't believe the record label would drop them like that. It's not like they're bad, Atomic Nights are amazing.

In a way, it's like modelling. Every season there's a new it girl with a look designers and bookers want. Many models adapt their look depending on what the market is after.

I think it's awesome that he stood up for his band. "It's cool though, you stood up for your sound and your band. It would have been much worse if you changed your entire sound based on what other people want. Plus, the whole hippie look wouldn't suit you anyway."

A small smile appears on his face. "So no growing my hair out then?"

I try to imagine Jaeger with long hair for a moment. "Definitely not," I reassure him.

"Well, I think it's pretty cool what you did today, telling your agent to fuck off. You're one badass chick."

Once Jaeger and I finish our meals, he offers to drive me back to my apartment. Since I don't have a driver anymore, my only other option is the subway. It's only been two hours since I quit the agency, and I'm not ready to be mobbed by people who recognize me.

The events of two hours ago seem like they never happened. Jaeger has been a wonderful distraction.

I follow him out of Sushi Sushi until we reach a Harley Davidson motorcycle. This cannot be happening—I'm not getting on this death machine. I've never been on one of these things and I don't plan to start anytime soon.

He puts on his helmet with the visor up and passes me a spare one. "Jaeger, I can't do it," I say, shoving the helmet back towards him.

"Why not?" he asks.

"Because it's scary."

He looks amused. Doesn't he understand that I could fall off, or he could easily get sideswiped by a car not paying attention? Motorcycles are death traps.

He places his arms on my shoulders and I look up at him. "You're badass, remember? You can do anything. Plus, I would never let anything bad happen to you. I'll drive so carefully that you won't feel even remotely scared."

Can I trust him?

I barely know the guy. He could be a complete psychopath murderer. It's unlikely, but still a possibility.

I'm going to do it.

I grab the spare helmet from him and place it over my head. He double-checks that it's on securely. Then he jumps on the motorcycle, and I follow suit.

Before he takes off, he looks back at me. "If I'm going too fast, hit my waist or something. I'll get the message."

Jaeger takes off.

My adrenaline is starting to pump in overdrive. The first time he weaves his way through traffic, I gasp for air. The second time he does it, it gets easier. By the third time, I don't even notice. I'm too focussed on how comfortably I fit behind him and how firm and strong the muscles on his chest feel.

I don't notice the other drivers, cyclists, and pedestrians on the road; it's just Jaeger and I in our own little world.

Once I'm out of fantasyland, I look to the side and notice the streets of Chelsea.

No, I don't want this to be over. I could spend the rest of my life holding onto this waist.

He stops at the front of my apartment building and finds a place to park. I hope he wants to come inside. I'm all for that right now.

I look at him for some indication of what he wants.

"Lead the way, sweetheart," he says, tugging my hand.

Holding his hand, I lead him through the lobby, then to the lift.

"Did you enjoy the ride?" he asks as we wait for the lift to reach my floor.

"Uh-huh."

Oh, come on Chloe, uh-huh isn't a word. You're a grown woman, not a hormonal teenage girl; start acting like one.

I cough. Not because I have a tickle in my throat, but because I'm nervous. "I mean it was fun," I clarify. I'm really messing this up.

"From the way your hands were exploring my chest, it seemed like you were having lots of fun," he says, grinning.

I can't believe I felt up his chest. I sure as hell can't remember that. Even my subconscious mind desires this man.

How could I lose myself to him so easily?

I look down. There's no way I can look at him in his eyes. "Sorry about that," I say.

"Hey, I'm not complaining. Maybe it was a bit distracting, but there is no way in hell I could ever hate having your hands roam over me."

Just before we start getting all hot and heavy in the elevator, the doors open.

Here comes that awkward moment.

Do I invite him inside?

I've done a lot of things I wouldn't normally do today, so why not?

Even though he makes me nervous, I enjoy his company. Today, he made my problems feel far away. "I can make you a coffee if you're up for that?" I ask, trying not to be too direct. I need to act cool.

"No, it's alright."

Maybe he isn't into coffee and wants something else.

"Well I have other stuff like tea, water, lemonade, beer..." I ramble before he cuts me off.

"Chloe, I don't want to come inside."

There's nothing I hate more in this world than rejection. It stings like a bitch. My face drops. This can't be happening. I put myself out there only to get shut down. It hurts.

"I mean, I want to, Chloe, but I can't. If I did, it would mess everything up. I want to try something different where I take you out a few times, so I can get to know you. Then we'll see what happens. Is that okay?"

That doesn't sound too bad. Relief flushes my face. So he isn't trying to reject me? He's trying to be a gentleman. I can respect that.

I smile back at him. "That's fine, I can do that. How about dinner tomorrow?"

He shakes his head. "No, lunch," he replies.

I'm not going to let him call all the shots. "Brunch," I suggest.

"Brunch it is, Chloe. I'll pick you up here at around eleven."

"Okay," I agree, trying not to act like an over-excited puppy.

Jaeger and I exchange cell numbers, and he promises to text me if something comes up.

"Have a good afternoon, sweetheart," he says as he reaches over and brushes his lips against my cheek. Who would have thought a kiss on the cheek could be so passionate?

When he leaned towards me, I was tempted to turn my cheek slightly so his mouth would have ended up on my lips. I chose to behave, though.

Next time will be different.

As soon as Jaeger leaves, I walk into my apartment. Not surprisingly, it still looks like a dog's breakfast. What did I expect, magic fairies to come into the apartment and clean it up for me?

I start by picking up the empty vodka and champagne bottles off the floor. Two nights ago, I threw a party. It started off with me and my friend Molly, then before we knew it, there were fifteen of us. My memory of what happened after that is hazy.

This feels more like a workout than cleaning. After making my apartment look somewhat tidy, I rest on my sofa.

Luckily, Jaeger didn't come into my apartment. He would have looked around and thought I was a messy bitch with a drinking problem.

Well, I sort of am.

My thoughts are interrupted by the buzzing of my phone. I expect this to be Maria; however, I look down to see it's my best friend and fellow model, Lara.

"Hey, girl," she says as soon as I answer.

"What's up, Lara?"

"Nothing much, I'm just worried. I didn't see you at any of the shows today. I thought we were walking Rag & Bone together?"

I repeat the story of what happened today at Amaze's office. The line goes quiet.

"Lara, you there?"

She breaks the awkward silence between us. "Uh-huh, I'm here. I'm trying to process what the hell you just told me."

Her tone has risen, and if I'm not mistaken, she sounds furious.

"What's the problem, Lara?" I ask.

I can't understand why she's so pissed. The situation between Maria and me has nothing to do with her. "Well, you, obviously. You're ranked as the number one model in the world, you book every major campaign ahead of every other model, you always open and close every show, and everyone loves you. You don't deserve to have the success you've had. You're just an unappreciative bitch."

What the hell? She is supposed to be my friend. I can't get my head around what's happening right now.

"What are you trying to say, Lara?"

"It's probably better that you're out of the industry. Now it's my time to shine. There's no room for fat cows like you in this game anyway, honey," is all she says before she hangs up.

She wasn't only supposed to be my friend, she was my best friend. We started working around the same time. I've always leaned on her for guidance and support.

Maybe my entire life is a lie.

All the models, designers, makeup artists, stylists, and bookers who claim to love me are all pretending.

For the last seven years, fashion industry people and celebrities are all I've associated with. The people whom I've relied on over the years don't care about me. All they care about is making money, and how I can help them make more. How could I be so stupid?

I lower myself to the floor as panic arises.

I hate when this happens.

My cheek begins to tingle and I start to go numb. This is the first sign that I'm going to have a panic attack, I know it. The tingling reaches my lips and they tremble. My limbs go numb and my stomach flutters.

I need to make it go away.

Fast.

I arise from the ground and rush to my bathroom. The solution to all my problems lies in this box I leave beside my sink. I grab the box, rush back to my living area and throw it on the sofa.

I need booze and I need it now.

I retrieve a bottle of vodka from the refrigerator. Then I head back to the sofa, where my little blue box is waiting for me.

I feel like a kid in a candy store. First I'll have the Valium; that always calms me down.

I pop two capsules and knock it back with vodka.

It isn't going to be enough, though.

I flick through the containers of pills until I find the right one.

How about my old friend Xanax?

I gulp him down too.

And why not some more vodka? I down that as well.

The pain has disappeared. I feel like I'm floating in space, away from the entire world. Up here, no one can harm me. No one can taunt me, no one can make me feel inferior. This is what true euphoria feels like.

The colors turn black.

I'm falling.

The lights are gone.

The shine has disappeared.

All I can see and feel is darkness.

This is exactly where I want to be.

Jaeger:

All I can think about is her.

The way her fingers roamed my chest felt mind-blowing. I swear her fingertips are made out of electricity. With every brush, my chest pulsed. I nearly lost control.

I've never seen anyone as perfect as her. Yeah, I've fantasized about her because of her modelling work, but in real life, she's something out of this world. Maybe it's the way she wears her hair down flowing past her neck, or how her brown eyes truly shine in the sun.

I expected someone like her to not give someone like me the time of the day. She's famous—everyone can recognize her from her face and body at first glance.

But that isn't why I'm into her.

She's a cool chick. The way she stood up to her agency tells me she's strong and independent. It reminds me of the problems I had with my record label.

I want to know her, all of her.

That's why when she asked me inside her apartment, I declined. It's not that I didn't want to go inside, because I did, trust me. She's the first girl I have met that I want to take my time with.

Call me a pussy, I don't care. I don't want to fuck this up.

"Jaeger, snap out of it," Ezra calls out. Right now I'm on his sofa, trying to create a song.

"Is there a special lady in your life?" Mike hollers.

"Shut the fuck up, both of you," I say to them.

They annoy me, but I love them like brothers. Without them, I wouldn't be who I am today. They're not only my band mates, they're also my best friends. They say not to get into bands with your friends, but I don't regret it. Yeah, we've had our problems and fights; they usually never last long.

"I wasn't thinking about anyone," I say.

It's a lie. The big, cheesy smile that's painted on my face right now is giving it away.

"Stop lying, bro," says Mike.

"Whatever, guys." I try brushing them off.

They're all sitting around with giant smirks on their faces.

"Maybe he'll write some killer songs about her. We need new material, the old stuff sucks," Ezra remarks.

You know what? Maybe I will.

I grab a beer, my guitar, and my notepad. Maybe this will help me get it out. Right now my mind is everywhere. Writing always reorganizes my mind.

I like to write the lyrics first. Then I create the melody and the rhythm. When I'm fully satisfied, I give it to the boys. I only play stuff I have written for them once I'm certain that it's faultless.

I open my beer and take a sip. I think about Chloe, and my stomach starts to fill with an unfamiliar feeling.

The song is going to be about her. It's probably too soon. I can't help it, she's all that's on my mind. After two hours, I have a verse:

I want to know you, so let me in.

I'm broken, but I don't need saving.

You're broken too, I can see it in your eyes.

Just us against the world, so let's take flight.

Music is how I express every emotion I'm feeling. I hate expressing my words to people in conversation. My songs allow me to show everyone all of my secrets, feelings, and hidden desires.

Ezra walks into the room. "How's it going, lover boy?" he asks as he sits beside me.

"Stop giving me shit, Ezra, it isn't like that. I barely know her."

He's still smiling. "But you're into her? Admit it."

I look away from him, I don't want to admit it to him but I have no choice. "Yeah."

"And is she into you?" he questions.

"How the hell am I supposed to know? We spent two hours together today, that's all. But for some reason, I can't stop thinking about her."

"It's not about the quantity of time you have spent together, remember that."

Sometimes I think Ezra was Confucius in his past life. He always knows what to say when I need him.

After practice, I head back home to my apartment.

I spend the rest of the night with my guitar and my notepad.

Judging by the pace I'm writing, I might have an entire album finished tonight.

***

I'm picking her up at 11:00 a.m., but I'm up at eight.

Call me whatever you want, I'm excited about today.

After spending the entire night writing songs about this beautiful girl, I can't wait to see her.

I couldn't even sleep. When I closed my eyes, I kept on thinking about song lyrics that I could create.

No, I'm not going to tell her about the songs—I'll wait and see if the boys want to put them on the album first. I don't want to scare her away. I can't work out why I feel this way so soon. I wouldn't change it, though.

At ten I'm ready to leave.

Self-doubt arises within me. Maybe she isn't that into me. Maybe it's just me. She probably only wants to be friends.

I'm going anyway. I'm not losing this opportunity.

I make a stop at a florist to get her a single pink rose. Technically it's a date and I want to make a good impression.

After stalling in the lift, I make my way to the front door of her apartment.

I inhale a large breath and knock on her door.

Nothing.

I knock again.

Nothing.

Maybe she's getting ready. Girls usually take a long time to get ready. Don't they?

I knock once again.

Still nothing.

I dial her phone.

Nothing.

It didn't even ring. Could her phone be flat?

I'm sure if something came up, she would have told me.

Something doesn't feel right. I can't leave this apartment building with this feeling in my stomach. If something has happened to her, I'll never forgive myself for leaving.

I knock on her neighbor's door; they answer immediately. I'm sure this guy's a model too.

Before I give him the opportunity to greet me, I rush straight to the point. "Hi, I'm a friend of Chloe's. I was supposed to meet her this morning. She isn't answering, I think something's wrong."

His face is full of concern. His eyes have darkened and his jaw is clenched. "I heard some sounds last night, like glass breaking. I didn't call the police or anything. I went knocking on her door this morning, but she didn't answer."

Shit. I don't have a good feeling about this.

"So what do we do?" I ask.

"Two options, dude: we can call the police, or we can try to knock her door down."

Chloe's neighbor is a beefy guy, so between him and me we should be able to knock her door down. I'm not going to call the police unless something is seriously wrong.

Attempt one is a massive fail. Time for me to take action.

I push him aside. "This time, I'll push the door down," I direct.

I take a few breaths to prepare myself. "Okay, one... two... three!" I run, shoving my shoulder into door.

It falls off the hinges.

We walk inside. The place is a mess. Is her apartment usually so trashed? We make our way through the rooms, searching for her. We're both calling out her name, but there isn't a reply.

I hear her neighbor call out. "I FOUND HER," he screams.

I run through the apartment until I find her. There she is, unconscious on the floor. My heart breaks.

I rush to her side. "Has she got a pulse?" I ask him.

I can't think right now. I'll do anything to make her okay again.

"I don't know," he replies.

"Can you check?" I urge.

He leans down and checks the side of her neck. "There's a pulse."

Thank fuck for that. At least she's still alive.

Even though she has a pulse, she isn't responding. I look around to see pill containers and an empty bottle of vodka.

She has overdosed. It makes sense.

"I'll call 911," her neighbor offers.

I move my hand onto her soft cheek. I gently caress her face, hoping it will wake her up. "Come on, sweetheart, wake up," I urge.

Her eyes remain closed.

Maybe she's more broken than I first thought. The fact that she overdosed is a sign she has some serious issues. Issues I don't think I can deal with.

Her neighbour makes his way back into the living room, where I'm sitting with an unconscious Chloe. "They're on their way," he says once he hangs up the phone.

"What was your name?" he asks me.

I might as well get to know him while we wait for an ambulance. He might have some clues as to why Chloe would do this to herself.

"Jaeger."

"I'm Ryan," he says, extending his hand. In return, I shake it.

"It's such a shame about Chloe, she's a sweet girl," Ryan says. "She's had some demons for a long time."

"How do you know Chloe?" I quiz, trying not to sound too intrusive. I know they're neighbors, but maybe they're friends too.

"I used to model, but I quit. Three years was enough. Then I decided it was time to go to college. Now I work in the financial district. Fashion is a tough industry, Jaeger. A lot of people who work in it have the same issues as Chloe. The only difference is that some of them are better at hiding it."

Before I have time to think about his words, paramedics rush through the door. They check her pulse; it's still there. She still isn't responding, though. A tube is shoved down her throat and they pump her stomach. This doesn't feel real, it's as if I'm in the middle of a medical drama show. Why does this have to be happening to my Chloe?

They're rushing around her, trying to arrange her on a stretcher. "We need to take her to the hospital," one of them says.

They load her into the ambulance as the busy street watches. I wish I could yell at every one of them for not giving her any privacy. I can't though; it would create more attention. Chloe doesn't need me to make a scene.

One of the paramedics approaches Ryan and me. "Only one of you can stay in the ambulance with her," he says to both of us.

"You go, Jaeger, I have to get to work anyway. Look after her," Ryan says.

"Okay."

I thank him for his help before I join Chloe. They continue to work on her inside the ambulance. They ask me a million questions I can't answer.

"How do you know Miss Jackson?"

"We're friends."

"How long have you known Miss Jackson?"

"One week."

"Does she have a drug or drinking problem you know about?"

"I don't know."

"Does she have depression, anxiety, or any other mental illness?"

"I don't know."

"Were the drugs in her apartment prescription medications? Or did she obtain them from other means?"

"I don't know."

How the hell am I supposed to know any of this stuff? The truth is, I don't know her at all. But what I do know is that she means something to me. I'm not sure how to explain it. I want to look after her. I want to protect her from her demons, I want to bring her out of the darkness.

A short time later we arrive at the hospital. Chloe is taken away from my view and whisked to another area of the hospital.

I sit in the waiting room, hoping for good news. I watch the clock. After one hour, I still haven't heard anything and I'm feeling anxious. I want her to be okay so badly. She doesn't deserve to die like this—no one does. All I want is for Chloe to be okay.

That's it. I can't wait anymore.

I approach the nurses' station.

"Um, hi, how is Chloe Jackson? I haven't heard anything yet," I say to one of the nurses.

She looks at me with narrow eyes. "Who are you? Are you a relative?" She asks in a vexed tone.

Make something up, Jaeger.

I've got it.

"Yeah, I'm her brother, Jaeger Jackson."

"Apologies for my rudeness, Mr. Jackson. We've had media outlets call us constantly for the last hour, trying to confirm details about her incident. It's getting very frustrating. Anyway, Chloe is stable. I will let the doctor know that a relative is here."

I can't believe the media are already on her back. It just happened. Don't these damn people understand privacy? Chloe is a person too. The rage inside me is building. When Chloe walks out of this hospital, she's going to have to deal with nosy reporters and obnoxious paparazzi.

She doesn't deserve that.

Chloe needs time to recover.

I can't jump out of my chair quick enough when I'm called in.

I walk through the hospital hallway, my heart racing. How can I help this beautiful girl? It's going to pain me to see her like this.

I make my way into her room to see her lying unconscious and motionless. A respirator is connected, assisting her with breathing. An IV is also jammed into her veins, providing her with fluids.

It's a devastating sight to see her so vulnerable like this.

An older man walks into the room. I assume he's a doctor. "Mr. Jackson, my name is Dr. Michaels, I worked on Chloe. We need to have a talk."

"Sure," I say, looking back at Chloe.

He takes a deep breath before he speaks again. "It appears to me that Chloe has a drug problem. The amount she consumed and the combination she created was lethal. I think it's best if she attends a treatment facility. The next time she overdoses, it could kill her."

The idea of her dying from a drug overdose causes my spine to shiver.

"I'll talk to her about it once she wakes up," I say to Dr. Michaels.

I need to call her actual family and tell them what's happening. They're going to hear it first from the media. That's wrong on so many levels. I have no idea how to contact them and tell them that their daughter has a drug problem, though.

Maybe they already know.

Maybe they've failed to recognize it after all these years.

Hopefully when Chloe wakes up, she will want to tell them and seek the help she deserves.

How am I supposed to help her with her demons, when I have too many of my own?
Chapter Four

Chloe:

Have I been run over by a bus?

That has to be it.

If not, it certainly feels that way.

Every bone inside my body is aching and my head is thumping. Am I going to die? Please don't let me die.

I open my eyes to see four white walls.

What the hell? This isn't my room. And this bed is way too small. I turn to see Jaeger curled up asleep on a chair.

A slow smile appears on his face as he wakes up.

He appears by my side. "Good morning, Sleeping Beauty, how are you feeling?"

My body is full of pain. I'm trying to put the puzzle pieces back together, but nothing makes sense.

"What the hell happened?" I ask him.

He hesitates for a moment. This can't be good. "You overdosed, Chloe."

Oh, shit.

Jaeger reaches for my hand. "What are you not telling me?" he asks.

I'm addicted to painkillers and antidepressants because they make my life easier. They make all my pain and hurt disappear.

I have to lie to him, as much as I hate it. "This is the only time it's happened, Jaeger," I reassure him.

I can't tell him about my dirty secret. He will never look at me the same.

Still holding onto my hand, he grips it tighter. "Chloe, be honest. Were you trying to kill yourself? Taking meds with booze is lethal, don't you know that?"

Of course I know that, I'm not stupid. But I've done it so many times before and nothing has happened. Until last night, anyway. My common sense disappears once I enter my panic zone.

I'm not going to let him accuse me of things I didn't do. "I get it Jaeger, I'm incredibly messed up. But I didn't try to kill myself. You don't need to lecture me. If that's all you're going to do, just leave."

It's the truth: I didn't try to kill myself. I can't remember what pills I took, or how many I took, but I didn't want to kill myself. I just wanted to forget all the shit that was happening, that's all.

A doctor walks into the room. He's an older gentleman with a stern look on his face. It looks like I'm about to receive another lecture. Great.

He approaches my bed, holding a clipboard. "Nice to see you awake, Miss Jackson. My name is Dr. Michaels."

"Hi," is all I say. What the hell am I supposed to say to him?

"I'm sure your brother here has reminded you what happened yesterday."

My brother? I look over to Jaeger; he shrugs his shoulders.

"Have you ever considered visiting a treatment facility? There's some great ones in New York. If you want, there's also fantastic ones in other states, too."

Rehab? No, I don't need that. Rehab is for junkies. I'm no junkie. So what, I pop prescription medication to make me feel better? Okay, maybe they weren't prescribed directly to me, but I still need them. I don't take them for fun or when I want to party. I take them because I need them.

First it was Jaeger who was giving me a hard time, now it's this guy. "I don't mean to be rude, doctor, but I don't need any rehab."

Dr. Michaels is becoming frustrated. "Miss Jackson, I can't order you to go to rehab, but I strongly advise that you consider it. The next time you think about mixing pills and alcohol, it could be fatal."

"But if I never do it again, then it won't be fatal."

I can stop.

I think I can.

"Addiction isn't that simple, Miss Jackson."

I may be acting like a bratty teenager, but I don't care. I'm not having this guy tell me that I have a substance addiction. I don't care that he is a doctor. Yes, I take them to escape reality, and yes, I take them regularly, but I'm not an addict.

"I don't want to talk about this right now," I say to Dr. Michaels. He leaves.

Jaeger stares at me from across the room. I bet he thinks I'm some disintegrated mess. He isn't speaking, only staring.

I've become an expert in messing up things that haven't begun. My relationship with Jaeger is no exception. I don't deserve someone like him; he deserves much better than me.

He stands up and returns to my side. "I got you a flower for our date yesterday, I should have brought it to brighten your room a bit."

He got me a flower yesterday? I'm really not worthy of this man.

I can't handle this. Why is he acting so normal? "Just say it, Jaeger, I'm a mess. I'm broken. I need to be fixed, I know it."

I look away; I can't stand to face him like this. He grips my hand in his, and I turn towards him.

"Chloe, don't talk about yourself like that. You're not broken. You're perfect, every part of you. You can't see what I see."

I definitely don't deserve him. I'm not perfect. If only he knew the darkness I have living inside my mind.

"What happened last night, Chloe? How did this happen?"

"My life is all pretend, Jaeger, every single part of it. I thought I had everything. I don't. I have nothing."

It's my job to pretend. That's all modelling is, pretending.

"You have nothing, Chloe? Build something. You're not part of their web anymore, you can do whatever the hell you want to do."

Right now, all I want to do is get out of this damn hospital.

"When can I leave?" I ask him.

"I spoke to Dr. Michaels last night. He said they wanted to keep you in for a few days so they can observe you."

That isn't happening. I'm leaving right now.

"I need you to help me with something big, okay, Jaeger?

"All right, anything," he agrees.

I take a deep breath. "Help me escape."

He looks unsure. It isn't a big deal. I don't have to be here, I'm fine. "Do you think it's a good idea? I mean, maybe you should stay, just in case something happens."

"I feel great. Except for the maddening hangover feeling, everything is okay."

"Fine, Chloe, I'll break you out."

Jaeger closes the door, and I put my dress back on from yesterday. I put the hospital gown on the top of it, as if nothing was under it. He passes over my flip-flops, and I quickly place my feet in them.

"I can't believe we're doing this," he says in a hushed tone.

I can. Hospitals give me the chills. Unless I'm unconscious, I find no reason to be here. When you think about it, I'm helping them out since I'm freeing up a bed for someone who needs it.

We create a two-person huddle. "Okay, so the nursing station is that way. Somehow we need to sneak you past that. Once we pass, it should be smooth sailing. Unless they figure out that you're gone and go searching for you before we get outside."

An idea pops in my mind. "I got it! Flirt with the nurses. While you're doing that, I'll sneak out."

Jaeger shoots me a mischievous grin. "I can do that."

I'm sure he can. He's going to have to bring out the big guns today. I advise him to take his hoodie off, leaving just a T-shirt so his inked-up arms and muscles are on full display. I'm sure the nurses will enjoy the view.

He heads out the door, and I keep watch to find the perfect moment to make my exit.

I watch him approach the nurses' station. "Hello ladies, I was wondering if anyone can help me. I've pulled a back muscle. I need some assistance to alleviate the pain."

The nurses rush to his side. If I were one of the nurses, I would've been there in warp speed. The guy is a god.

Nurse One puts her hands on his shoulders. "How about you take off your shirt, and we can massage that muscle for you," she suggests, obviously blushing.

Nurse Two helps him take off his shirt. He's perfectly capable of removing his own shirt. Could they be any more desperate?

"Well, if you say so, ladies."

I resist the urge to laugh. I need to focus on the task on hand. Jaeger turned his body around so the nurses have their backs to the front door. I contemplate whether I should leave now. I'll wait a couple of minutes so he can have his fun.

I see Nurse Two pressing her little fingers deep into his back. "Oh wow, this muscle does feel a bit inflamed, I hope this feels good," she says.

She can't be serious? I guess naughty nurses do exist.

Part of me is getting jealous from watching him getting rubbed up by these two young nurses. I want to be the one getting rid of his pretend pulled muscle.

I need to put an end to this before I challenge those naughty nurses to a catfight.

If I tiptoe past them, it could be easier for them to catch me. I need to be as quick and quiet as a mouse.

I hear Jaeger making groaning noises. They're probably fake, but I'm still jealous of those nurses.

I speed past them and cough so he gets the message.

Once I'm outside the ward, I wait. After minutes of waiting, he finally appears.

I raise my eyebrows at his smirk. "Well, look who it is. You took your time."

He shrugs his shoulders. "I had a pulled muscle, I needed to get it fixed."

"Whatever."

He grabs hold of my hand and moves me through to the lift. Still gripping my hand, he presses the button for the ground floor.

His eyes are wide. "Shit, you still have your hospital gown on. You better take it off."

I yank it off fast and discard it on the floor.

Jaeger steps out of the lift first once we reach the ground floor. He looks around for any sign of security guards or doctors. Once the coast is clear, he whisks me towards the back of the hospital.

"Jaeger, the entrance is that way, why are we going to the back?" I ask.

Still moving quickly, he answers me. "If there's media and paparazzi out there, they're going to hound you, and the hospital will know you escaped."

I didn't think of that. Are the media aware of my overdose?

If they are, that means everyone is going to know. Including my parents.

Shit.

I haven't even spoken to them in weeks. Nor have I seen them in over eighteen months. I have given them every reason to be ashamed of me.

We reach the back exit and Jaeger does a quick check to see if it's clear. As soon as he's reassured that there's no one there to hassle me, we run.

My hand holds tightly onto his as he runs. Once we reach the end of the street, he hails a cab.

A cab finally stops for us. We jump inside promptly. "Where are you off to?" the cab driver asks.

"Seventy-second and Broadway," Jaeger replies.

"You live near Broadway? That's so awesome!"

"It is, especially when you get to see Legally Blonde: the Musical over twenty times."

"You've seen the Legally Blonde musical?" I ask him.

He bursts out laughing. "I'm only messing with you."

Jaeger and I are interrupted by the cab driver. "Hey, it's you," he says.

"Huh?" I say. I look at Jaeger; in response, he grips my hand tighter.

The driver speaks again. "You're Chloe Jackson, that supermodel. You walk in the Victoria's Secret show every year. Aren't you in rehab or something? It's everywhere in the news that you nearly died."

My worst nightmare is coming to life. I sink lower into my seat. If I could jump out of this cab right now, I would. Jaeger's grip remains too firm for me to move anywhere.

Jaeger looks determined. "You must be confused. Her name is Jessica, buddy. And she's a waitress, not a supermodel," he says to the driver.

Jaeger then turns to me. "You get that all the time, don't you, babe? You look better than any supermodel out there, anyway."

He places a peck on my cheek and wraps his arm around my shoulders. I can't help but smile.

The driver looks embarrassed. "I am so sorry, ma'am. You look very similar and I seriously thought it was you. You're a lucky a man, sir, to have a girl who looks like a supermodel. I remember watching the Victoria's Secret show last year and seeing that Chloe Jackson walk, it did some crazy things to me. I had to leave the room to have some private time, if you get what I mean."

Get me out of this cab right now!

The only image I have in my head is this creepy, old cab driver doing things to himself while imagining me. I'm feeling disturbed.

"Right here is fine, keep the change," Jaeger calls out to the driver as he hands him a twenty-dollar bill.

"How good was that?" Jaeger says as wraps his arm around my waist. "I think he had a thing for you."

"I don't want to talk about it, I don't want to think about it, I never want to go there again," I say through my uncontrollable laughter.

We make our way up two flights of stairs until we reach his apartment. "Sorry about the mess," Jaeger says as we enter.

"It's alright. I'm pretty sure you saw what my apartment looked like yesterday."

Instantly, he freezes. His face turns serious. "We're going to have to have a talk about that," he gets out.

"I know, Jaeger, I know."

Jaeger:

I still can't get the image of her lifeless body out of my mind.

In front of me now she's bursting with life, but the images of her from yesterday will haunt me for a very long time.

Her eyes are full of hurt. How can I make this stop?

I gesture towards the sofa. "Take a seat, Chloe."

She has no reason to feel nervous. Nothing she tells me could ever make me think any less of her. I can understand why she's feeling scared right now.

I take a deep breath. "How long has this been going on?"

"Pills?" she asks.

"Yeah."

She looks away. "I started having panic attacks five years ago. I told my agency, and they gave me the pills."

I'm sure that's illegal. Unless someone at that agency is a trained medical practitioner, that shit shouldn't be happening. It makes we wonder what other things those monsters do to exploit their models.

I can see she doesn't want to talk about it, and I don't want to push her. She's on the brink of one of the toughest times any person could go through. I don't want her to feel uncomfortable. The whole world is against her, and I can't have her think that I am too.

Before she could speak further, I interrupt her. "I'm going to do something, Chloe."

Her beautiful brown eyes stare back at me.

I'm not sure if she's going to allow me to do what I want to do, but I sure as hell hope she lets me. All I want her to do is forget.

She looks dumbfounded. "What are going to do?" she asks with terror in her eyes.

No backing down now. I'm going to do this. "Don't freak out, but I'm going to kiss you."

"Is that right?" she asks, raising her eyebrows.

"I might start by caressing your soft face. Then I will press my lips against yours. I might kiss you slow, or I might kiss you real fast. You're just going to have to wait and see," I softly whisper.

Her eyes are eager. That's a good sign. Maybe she does want this. "You better hurry, Jaeger."

I remain a man of my word and gently touch her face. I have never touched skin so soft. Her possessive eyes are staring at me, and I'm sure I'm going to lose all control.

But I can't.

Women like Chloe deserve to be kissed slowly.

Breathlessly she whispers to me. "Make me forget, Jaeger."

"That's the plan, sweetheart."

I press my lips against her and devour her mouth. I haven't tasted anything sweeter. She tries to rush the kiss with urgency, but I don't let her, I want to remember this for a very long time.

I pull away from her, and she falls back on the sofa.

"Wow," she gasps.

I lower myself down next to her, and place my hand on her lap. Right now, this is the only place I want to be. I can't imagine being anywhere else.

Chloe lifts herself back up. "I thought we were supposed to talk?" she asks.

"I can't find a reason for you to explain yourself. You don't have to tell me about your past, or what you have done. All I care about is the future."

I don't care if she never tells me about her issues; all I want to do is make her better. I want her to forget about how shitty everything is. I want her to realize how strong she is.

Out of nowhere, Chloe gently slaps my right shoulder. "There's something I really want you to do."

"Okay, I'll do it," I agree before she can ask me. I'll do anything she needs.

She fills the room with her soft chuckle. "You've agreed before I asked you. What happens if I ask you to dye your hair purple? Or to go eat a spider?"

"I would still do it."

"You're probably going to say no, and that's okay. I see a guitar over there, and a sexy man in front of me with an amazing voice. Play some music for me, please."

I smile. How could I say no to her beautiful face? "Okay, I will."

I'll play her some stuff, but there's no way in hell I will play the stuff I have written for her. She has to wait for that. As much as I'm into her, I'm not ready to tell her how I feel.

I grab my guitar and return to the sofa next to her.

She's watching me attentively.

"You know if this starts getting good, I'm going to have to charge you," I say.

"Well, I didn't bring any money."

"That's okay, sweetheart. If need be, I do accept favors in the form of kisses."

I wink and she bursts into the biggest smile I have ever seen. "Well, Mister Rock Star, I might give you a tip if you play your cards right."

That's just an extra reason for me to be on my game tonight. This just might be the most important gig I'm about to play.

I play her some of the songs she might know. I love watching her lose herself to my voice and guitar strumming. Chloe closing her eyes getting into the music is the sexiest thing I've ever seen. Every time I play a gig now, I'm going to have the image of Chloe immersing herself in every song.

Not that I'm complaining.

After I finish playing a few songs, she reopens her eyes. "It feels like that first time I saw you perform last year."

This could be interesting. "Explain."

"I was with my boyfriend when I saw your band play. The moment you walked onto the stage, you had this presence about you. And then when you started singing, my jaw dropped. It's kinda bad, but I wished for one second that I wasn't with my boyfriend."

Holy shit. Imagining her in the crowd while I'm playing is doing crazy things to my insides.

"What would you have done if you had no boyfriend with you that night?"

I really need to know this. Only for my own selfish desires.

"I don't know. I wouldn't have gone backstage and gone all groupie on you since I would've freaked out. I guess if I had no boyfriend, I wouldn't have felt bad about all the fantasies I had after the gig."

Shit. That's probably the hottest thing I've ever heard.

"Well for your information, sweetheart, if I saw you in the crowd that night, I would've totally told the security guard to give you a backstage pass. But unfortunately, I can't remember the show. I was probably really fucking wasted."

I look at the time, and it's approaching the evening. I haven't asked Chloe whether she will be staying over just yet. She has a lot going on and probably wants to go home. If that's what she wants, I'm not going to hold it against her.

"So Chloe, did you want to stay a bit longer? Or I could take you back to your apartment," I suggest.

She pouts at me. "Are you trying to get rid of me?"

"No."

Never. Why would she think that?

"Good. There isn't a place I rather be."

Chloe refuses to be fixed, but I can make her forget about the demons troubling her. I'll do whatever it takes to keep this beautiful woman safe from her own head.
Chapter Five

Chloe:

"Mom, I haven't got a drug addiction," I say into the phone.

Spending last night in my own little world with Jaeger made me forget about how crazy today's going to be.

From the moment I was found, news of my overdose spread through all the gossip blogs and tabloids like a wildfire.

To make things worse, most of what's being printed is utter bullshit. No, heroin wasn't found in my system. I've never taken heroin in my life. Another gossip blog claimed that I'd had a massive party the night it happened. That's another lie.

TMZ is saying that I was found in the bathtub with lines of cocaine near the bath. Yes, I've taken cocaine before, I'm not going to lie. I'm certainly not proud of it. A lot of models do it to get energized for the shows during Fashion Week. However, that night, I didn't snort one line. I've only used the stuff a couple of times; I'm not a regular user.

The common theme of all the media outlets is that I tried to commit suicide, which again is bullshit. No, I didn't try to kill myself. I was in the middle of a panic attack, I got worked up, and took too much.

Maria has also released a statement stating that I've been axed from Amaze Model Management because of the scandal. That's also a lie since I quit before it happened. Maria is trying to paint herself in a good light, when it was actually she who gave me the drugs and suggested that I try them.

Last time I checked, Maria had no medical degree or qualifications to prescribe medication.

She should be in jail.

"Sweetie, you tried killing yourself, you need help."

"Mom, once again, I didn't try to kill myself. I accidentally took too many anxiety meds, that's all," I reassure her.

"Well, Extra TV is saying that you tried killing yourself and that a suicide note was found."

What?

"Sorry for the language, but it's all bullshit. I swear all these media people watch too much TV. And Mom, to think you would believe those scumbags over your own daughter hurts."

It really does. She should believe what I tell her, not what these other people are saying. Nothing they're reporting is true. I can't see why she won't believe me.

"How am I supposed to trust my daughter when she won't even take the time to call me, or visit me? We haven't seen you in over eighteen months, Chloe. You're off living your life as a celebrity and you don't have time for us anymore."

I can't say she's being harsh because it's true: I'm an awful daughter. The only reason I started modelling was so I could take care of my family and give them a better life. Instead, I've forgotten about them and lived the good life alone.

"Look Mom, I'm sorry. Things got busy, and I forgot about you guys. I guess I assumed that you would always be there for me and I never thought about spending my time to see you or talk to you on the phone. Instead, I've wasted my energy on people who couldn't give a shit about me. Forgive me, Mom."

I really am sorry. I can't lose my parents. I need them more than ever.

"Sweetie, your Dad and I could never be mad at you for that. All we want you to do is be happy and healthy."

I'm neither happy nor healthy at the moment, but she doesn't need to know that. No one has to know.

"Mom, I'm okay," I gulp. I hope she doesn't pick up on the lie.

"I still think it's a good idea for you to get some help. Even if you go see a counsellor, just for me."

Counsellor, psychologist, psychiatrist, rehab—I don't need any of it. I can do this alone.

I can't listen to this. "Mom, I've got to go."

"Sweetheart, you can't run away from your problems," she says before I hang up.

I'm not running away from my problems, I'm simply acting like they don't exist so they disappear. I've done it for over seven years, I can't see why it wouldn't work now.

Mom will never understand. Her mind has been convinced by these monsters, whose only interest is creating bullshit stories.

My thoughts are interrupted by a loud knock at the door.

I know I look like shit right now, but I don't care.

I answer it and find the person I least want to see right now.

Fabrizio.

He's standing there looking like his handsome self. There's something different about him tonight. It's as if there is coldness in his eyes.

"What do you want, Fab?"

After what seems like eternity, he responds. "I wanted to see you, Chloe."

The only time he wants to see me is if he wants to hook up or if he's run out of pills. Fabrizio never wants to simply hang out.

Still with a haunted look on his face, finally he asks softly, "Can I come in?"

"Fine." I step aside and let him through. Something about Fab seems odd tonight. "If you're just here to ask me about some bullshit story that you saw on TV or whatever, leave, because I've had enough."

Anger is flushing through my eyes. Even though I have known him for a long time, his allegiance will always be with Maria and the agency.

"I'm not here for that, Chloe."

This is definitely getting weird.

"Then why are you here?"

"I need a favor."

"What sort of favor?"

"You know how it's Fashion Week right now? I need some help. I've been stressed, Chloe. Doing show-to-show is making me tired."

I knew it: he wants some stuff.

"Fab," I warn.

"Please, Chloe, you need to help me."

If I give him drugs he could overdose, just like I did. Even worse, he could die. But I know what Fashion Week feels like, and I know the toll it takes on both the mind and body.

"I just want some cocaine, Chloe, just a little bit, please. I'll even pay you," he says, pulling out his wallet.

I don't want his money. Since when did I become a drug dealer? I guess giving him my stuff will allow me to get rid of it anyway. I don't need it here, and I never intend on taking that shit ever again.

I retrieve my hidden stash behind a vase in my bookshelf and pass it to him. I'm having self-doubts. Fab takes this stuff regularly. I know that, everyone knows that. Without saying a word, he snatches the drugs and gives me a kiss on the cheek before he leaves.

Even though I know Fab uses this stuff a lot, I don't have a good feeling about this.

I rush out my door and chase him, but he's gone.

My gut clenches.

This isn't going to end well, I can feel it.

Jaeger:

The original plan was to convince Chloe to think about going to rehab. I couldn't go through with it. Who am I to order her to do such thing? She doesn't deserve to be constantly bombarded with people and their opinions; she needs support. I'll be what she needs.

I haven't seen her since this morning, and it makes me feel on edge. Right now she's in a fragile state. She won't admit it, but it's clear she has a problem. The only problem I have is trying to convince this beautiful, infuriating girl that she has issues without scaring her off.

It's a challenge I'm willing to accept.

Tonight it's back to band practice with the guys. Ezra said he has sent a few demos to some record labels. Our fingers are crossed that in the next few weeks we will hear back from one of them.

Despite the amount of rejection we have faced, we're determined to make it. We haven't got a choice; I haven't got a choice. I still haven't found a new job since being fired from my last one. According to my bank account, I have enough money to live off brown rice for three months. I don't care about the money, all I want to do is make music.

"Any new songs yet, lover boy?" Mike calls out.

I haven't written anything yet, but I have lyrics stored in my mind. After twelve months of writer's block, inspiration in the form of Chloe walks into my world, and I'm suddenly motivated to write an entire album about her.

"Not yet, Mike."

"Get off his back, Mike. Jaeger is writing songs again, it's a good thing," says Ezra.

He's right. It's a good thing. The fact that I want to write music again means that we're going to have new material. As much as I love our old stuff, we need new stuff to be added to our catalogue if a record label is going to take us seriously.

I grab a beer and my guitar and head to a quiet area of Ezra's house. My plan tonight is to finish the song that I started the other day. After twenty minutes I have a bridge and a chorus.

So listen to me,

listen to me.

You're perfect,

Every part of you,

even the small parts too.

I can't ever take my eyes off of you,

even in a crowded room,

please let me save you.

Oblivious to everything around me, I start strumming the guitar. I think about Chloe. The best way I can show my emotions is through the melody. I decide to make this song more on the acoustic side. I want a melody that is subdued and soft, just like her. She has a dark side too, so I want the guitar to sound like something in a blues song.

After two hours, I have a finished song. I can't wait to show the boys. Even though I'm nervous about how they're going to react to it. They're probably going to give me shit for it being about a girl.

I don't care though, I'm writing songs again, so I couldn't be happier.

Ezra comes barging into the room holding my phone. "Dude, some chick called Chloe has been blowing up your phone for the last hour. We didn't want to tell you because you were in the zone."

I grab my phone from Ezra. I look down at it.

Chloe's been trying to call me.

Seven missed calls.

Seven fucking missed calls.

Something has happened and I've been ignoring her.

Shit.

I look up at Ezra. "Why didn't you tell me earlier, dude? Maybe something has happened to her."

"So it's her, huh? This Chloe is the one that has made you into a changed man."

I can't even answer him. I'm too worried about Chloe. She might need me, I can't fail her like everyone else in this damn world has.

"Sorry, dude, some privacy? I need to take this."

Ezra nods and leaves the room with a smirk on his face.

I dial her phone once, she doesn't answer.

Shit.

I dial again. Luckily, she picks up.

"Chloe, sweetheart, is everything okay?"

Panic is rushing through my entire body. Please let everything be okay.

"Oh, hey, Jaeger. I'm feeling real good. Kinda like I'm in the sky, there are rainbows everywhere. This place is fucking incredible."

Shit. This isn't good, she's out of her mind.

"Chloe, what happened?" I ask her.

The phone falls silent.

"Chloe?"

"I'm here. Stuff happened before, but I fixed it. I feel okay now, I promise you."

"What happened?"

The phone goes silent once again.

"He's dead. Jaeger, didn't you see the news? He's dead. It's all my fault."

My heart stops beating.

"Who's dead, sweetheart?"

"Fab."

If I'm not mistaken, Fab is that supermodel guy she was having dinner with that night at the restaurant.

I need to be with her. I can't let her overdose again. "I'll be there in a few, sweetheart. Don't do anything stupid."

She hangs up without saying a single word.

I walk out of the room to Ezra's living area to see the boys eating takeout Chinese while watching the late news on TV.

There it is, a story on the drug overdose of Fabrizio Barros, the number one male supermodel in the world. I can't say I knew the guy, but Chloe obviously knew him very well. If she feels hurt, then I'm hurting, too.

I say goodbye to the boys and rush out the door. I weave through the streets with urgency. I can't let something happen to her. The idea of Chloe harming herself makes me feel ill.

I reach her apartment building and run until I get to the lift. I press the button to Chloe's floor. The wait is agonizingly slow. As the lift approaches each floor, my heart rate escalates just as fast.

A soon as I reach the floor, I bolt to her apartment and knock.

At the first knock, she doesn't answer.

I knock again; she answers like a delusional mess.

Her hair is everywhere, mascara is running from her watery eyes, and her pupils are severely dilated.

"Chloe." I say, grabbing onto her shoulders.

"Don't look at me like that," she says through her tears.

"Sweetheart, I'm not looking at you like anything."

I lead her through to her apartment and sit her down on her sofa. I look around to see empty pill containers on her coffee table. Even though it was obvious in the phone call earlier that she took something, the reality of it all is discomforting.

Maybe this problem she has stems deeper than I originally thought. I want to help her, but I'm not sure I can. I will try, though. For her I'll do my very best to stay strong.

"It's all my fault," is all she can get out.

She's refusing to look into my eyes.

I turn her face back towards me. "Sweetheart, it wasn't your fault. Please believe me."

"I gave him the drugs, Jaeger," she says as the tears continue to gush out. What does she mean she gave him the drugs? She continues, "He came here freaking out, he wanted some cocaine and he knew I had some. I wasn't going to give him the stuff, but I thought it would be a good way to get rid of it."

I understand that the fact he died from an overdose from drugs Chloe gave to him is causing her guilt. The guy was desperate. If Chloe didn't give him the drugs, someone else would have.

I try explaining that to her.

"Please Chloe, believe me, if you didn't give it to him, he would've got it from someone else."

What would have happened if Chloe died that night she overdosed? No one deserves to die like that. Even if Fabrizio was an asshole that night at the restaurant, he shouldn't have died like that.

I wrap my arms around her shoulders and lean her head into me. I need to protect her; I have no other choice.

She continues to sob. "That could've been me."

"It could have, but it wasn't. You can't focus on the past."

She wipes away her tears. "Stay the night, Jaeger."

There isn't a place I rather be. I want to hold her in my arms all night so she feels safe.

"I'm not going anywhere, sweetheart."

I'll stay here for as long as she needs me.

## Chapter Six

Chloe:

I awake to every gossip blog claiming that I'm responsible for Fab's death. Each blog is reporting something different. One is saying that I was with him when he died, which is false. Another is saying that I was Fab's drug dealer over the last few years, which is also false. And some other blog is saying that we tried to overdose together in some sort of fucked-up suicide pact, which is also a damn lie.

They know nothing.

They don't know how Fab came to me that night, desperate. He was in the middle of Fashion Week and the pressure got to him.

I know Jaeger tried to convince me that he would have gotten the drugs from somewhere else if they weren't from me, but it's hard to believe. I want to believe it to make myself feel better, but it doesn't change the fact that Fab is dead and is never coming back.

Jaeger has his arms wrapped around me. "Chloe, turn that damn phone off, you don't need it," he mumbles beside me. His voice is hoarse, as he's only starting to wake up. It's sexy as hell.

Last night was one of the best sleeps I've ever had. And I'm pretty sure it was because Jaeger was holding me.

I'm not moving anywhere. "I don't want to get up," I say to him.

He climbs on top of me. "Who said we have to?" I giggle as I try to tickle him back.

I could get used to staying in bed all day. I'd rather do this then face the world.

"Lets do it!"

He smiles. "Okay, sweetheart, deal. But we need to get up by night, I have a gig with the boys."

Damn. And to think I could have had Jaeger here for another night. But no, he has rock star duties to attend to.

He notices my low face. He places a finger on my cheek. "Why the face, Chloe? You're coming to my gig tonight, right?"

He actually wants me there? There's no way I can say no to him. I want to see him light up the audience with his magical voice. Watching him perform is exciting. I love to see the passion in his eyes when he sings.

"Of course, babe."

Oh god, did I just say 'babe'?

What's he doing to me?

Even though we'd planned to stay in bed, we got up. The disappointment was short-lived when Jaeger decided to make breakfast.

He whipped up a delicious combination of poached eggs and bacon. But not your standard eggs and bacon; this meal is more gourmet than I've eaten in the best restaurants in the world.

Watching him move around my kitchen is a beautiful sight. He's putting me to shame.

I can't understand why he was a waiter. This guy should be a chef. He loves music too much to quit, though.

"I haven't eaten like this in years," I say in between my bites of food.

And that's the truth. I can't remember eating in New York like this, ever.

What I enjoy most about spending time with Jaeger is that it's easy. He doesn't pressure me or make me feel uncomfortable about the way I am. I don't need a lecture every two seconds. All I want is support and he gives me that.

He helps me forget everything.

For now, that's all I need.

Jaeger:

"Stop being so nervous, dude. You're never like this," Ezra calls out.

It's true. This is a rare moment for me. I love being on stage, it's what I live for.

Tonight is different.

Chloe's going to be here.

Not only that, we're going to be performing the new song I wrote for her. It's incredible, considering that I only played it for the boys two hours ago. The fact they loved it is a relief. I just hope Chloe loves it too.

I haven't seen Chloe since this afternoon. It was hard to leave her apartment, but I have to be here. Part of me was scared to leave her just in case she chickens out and doesn't show.

I'm still worried she isn't going to come. Hopefully she'll remain true to her word.

Chloe is unpredictable and that scares me.

I still haven't been able to convince her to think about going to rehab yet. I'm not sure how. I know more then anybody that she has issues; I'm not denying it. I know that if I push her on it, she'll distance herself.

I can't let that happen.

I'll never let that happen.

I snap out of my daze to see Ezra sitting beside me.

"Need to talk about it?" He asks.

"I'm not sure what you mean, Ez."

I know exactly what he means. He can read me like his favorite book.

He shakes his head. "You know I'm talking about Chloe, dude. You're crazy about her, yet you never talk about her. But then you write this amazing song about her. What's up, man?"

I never talk about any of this shit. That's the point of my music, so I don't have to talk about it.

I shrug my shoulders and look away. "I don't know, man."

"C'mon, Jaeger, you can do better than that. What are you feeling, dude?"

I guess I have to talk—he isn't giving me the option.

"Look, Ezra, I'm afraid and I'm in over my head. I'm scared she isn't feeling it. I'm afraid that if I put too much in, she's going to leave."

"And why would she do that?" he asks.

"She has issues, dude."

Ezra looks concerned. "What do you mean?"

"Drug issues, Ezra. She has an addiction to prescription drugs. She's taken other shit, like cocaine, before. I don't think she's a heavy user of it, though. I think she has anxiety and that's why she's so into the prescription stuff."

Unexpectedly, Ezra looks shocked. He's probably wondering why I'm wasting my time with her.

"Why? Dude, why? You've had problems with booze, remember? This girl, she isn't good for you, she's dangerous. I know that, and deep down you definitely know it too."

Yeah, I've had issues before. It has nothing to do with Chloe.

How is she not good for me? Chloe is perfect for me.

I'm not going to let Ezra talk about Chloe like that. "Don't talk about her like that. You don't know her."

I hate getting angry with Ezra, but I can't help it. The worst part is that I know he's right. Nobody knows her. Most of the time, I don't even know her.

That doesn't stop my feelings for her.

"At least tell me why you're into her so badly."

"Ez, she has this whole other side. Yeah, on the outside you think she's some pill-popping junkie, but deep down, she's so strong. Strong because of all the shit she has gone through and continues to go through."

He looks puzzled. It's as if he doesn't understand my attraction to her. "I get that, Jaeger, but why her?"

"She is beautiful. Obviously she's smoking hot, but she's so beautiful on the inside. She's adventurous and a free spirit. She's perfect."

I turn around to see Chloe standing there.

Shit.

I hope she didn't hear what I just said. I can't freak her out, not now.

The look on her face is saying otherwise. And to my surprise, she's smiling. Hopefully this is a good thing. Please let this be a sign that she's not scared of what I just told Ezra.

I walk up to her and wrap my arms around her and lift her off the ground. I hear her gasp as I draw her into a kiss. After a few seconds, I pull her away.

She stands there smiling with her eyes closed. It takes all my restraint to hold back from kissing her again.

"I'm glad you showed."

"Of course I showed," she says as if I'm crazy for considering the possibility of her not coming tonight.

I notice Ezra standing next to us awkwardly. "Chloe, this is Ezra, our lead guitarist. Ezra, this is Chloe, my gir...just Chloe."

I'm really messing this up.

I don't think Chloe minds, though. She still has that adorable smile spread across her face. She and Ezra exchange a casual handshake, even though he looks reluctant to do so. I might have a word with him about that once Chloe leaves.

Chloe's happiness is infectious. "Are you excited about the show?" she asks, interrupting my daydreaming episode.

"Huh? Yeah. I guess so."

She frowns slightly, concerned. "You don't seem excited, Jaeger. Are you nervous?"

Nervous is an understatement. I'm absolutely petrified. I don't think I've been this scared since that speech I had to do in sixth grade.

It's all because of her.

I need to act cool. "Nah, not nervous. I think I'm feeling sick or something like that. I'll be alright."

The concerned look has disappeared and she's smiling again. I could never get sick of that smile. I need to know what I have to do to keep it there.

"Good. You're going to be awesome, I just know it. What are you playing, anyway? Old stuff?"

"Yep, some old stuff, and a little bit of new stuff I just wrote."

"New stuff! that's exciting!" Chloe beams.

My heart skips a beat. Little does she know that she's the inspiration for our new material. "I hope you like it."

"You know I will, Jaeger."

Chloe wishes me and the boys luck before she heads back out on the floor. I offered for her to watch the show from backstage, but she refused. She said she would rather watch the show from up front, which is awesome.

Not only is the most beautiful woman in the world standing out in the crowd, another five hundred people are also. When we released the tickets we had no idea that we would sell any of them, let alone all of them. This is the biggest gig we've done in a while.

Leon, our manager, gives us a pep talk just as we're about to go out.

"Okay, boys. Tonight is a big night for Atomic Nights. We've had a lot of setbacks, but we're on the way up, I can feel it. Put a hundred and ten percent in, and kill it."

I wish it were that easy.

I know playing in front of five hundred people isn't huge. But for us, it's kind of a big deal. The last time we played in front of that many people was a year ago. The highest crowd number we have experienced has been just over a thousand. Tonight is a chance for us to get back to that point one day.

That's our dream, at least.

Since losing my job at the restaurant I haven't bothered looking for another job. Maybe it's because I'm hoping that the band takes off again. I might be dreaming too much, but I need to make it happen.

I haven't got another option.

If we fail to make it within the next year, then it's never going to happen.

It's another reason why we need to give it everything tonight.

We walk through the hallway that leads to the stage.

My heart is working in overdrive.

The rapid rhythm of my pulse makes me want to run in the opposite direction.

I can't, though.

I need to do this.

I can hear the roar of the crowd as we approach the end of the hallway.

This is what I live for.

The stage is lit with revolving lights. I give the crowd a wave and head straight towards the microphone. Before I say or sing one word, I look into the crowd. Chloe is standing front and center.

Just where I want her to be.

I shoot her a quick wink and she grins back.

She owns me.

We open up with one of our earlier songs, "The Best of Me."

I could see Chloe dancing and singing with the rest of the crowd. There are times when I can see guys eying her up, and it nearly sends me into a rage. If it were up to me, I would jump into the crowd and start a riot.

That would be bad press for the band, so I restrain myself.

We get to the end of our set and have only one song left. This is my chance to speak to the crowd. "Thank you for being so rad tonight. We have one more song left. We want to play something new we wrote recently."

The crowd cheers.

"This one is called 'Hold On.' it's a personal song, I hope you like it."

The stagehand passes me my acoustic guitar.

Usually I hate playing an instrument onstage, as I like to focus on singing and performing to the crowd.

Tonight is different.

I sing the first line and lock my eyes onto Chloe's.

Her eyes are glued to mine.

I continue to sing. Thankfully, the crowd seems to love the song. The lights revolve, fog from dry ice fills the stage.

I no longer have sight of Chloe.

I don't stop. Instead, I belt the song out.

This is my moment to tell her how I really feel. No more hiding; it's time she knows what my heart is trying to conceal.

The smoke fades and the lights move back towards the crowd. I search for those brown eyes I know so well.

They're not there.

This is what I didn't want to happen.

Shit.

As soon as I finish the song, I storm off the stage.

I need to find her. I need to make this right.

Maybe I should make up some story that I actually wrote the song years ago and that it's about another girl.

Lying will make me look like an asshole.

I take a seat on the sofa backstage.

Maybe she isn't freaked out. She probably needs time to get her head around it.

If she needs time, I'll give her that. If it means her not running away from me, I'll give her all the damn time she needs.

She's worth every minute.
Chapter Seven

Chloe:

I type "rehabilitation facilities" into Google and press search.

Why is this taking so long? Isn't a search supposed to take a couple of seconds?

Jaeger's show tonight made me think. If I'm going to make this work with him, I need to get my shit together.

Fast.

The moment he started singing that last song, my heart was about to erupt.

He never mentioned that he wrote that song for me, but deep down, I know it was.

I had to leave.

Not because I'm not feeling it. He's the most incredible and understanding man I've ever met.

The only problem I have is that I don't know how to deal with these feelings.

Standing there tonight, I realized something else.

I need to go to rehab.

There, I said it. I never thought I would ever think about it, but I am.

If I go to rehab, I can become the woman Jaeger deserves. Not only that, I can become the best woman I can be.

Going to rehab is the only solution for my messed-up life.

I'm ready for this. It's time I took some control over my life.

My Google search loads with hundreds of rehab facilities from all around the country.

New York, Los Angeles, Oakland, even Las Vegas.

Las Vegas?

That's the last place I would go to for rehab. As soon as you're discharged, temptation is everywhere.

There's only one woman who can help me with a decision like this.

I retrieve my cell phone and press dial.

Mom answers instantly. "Chloe, sweetie? It's past midnight. Has something happened?"

"No, Mom, I'm fine. I've been looking at things and I need your help." Why is this so difficult?

"Shoot."

"I think I need to go to rehab."

The line goes silent.

"Good, I think so too. This could really help you. I'm so proud of you for making this decision all by yourself."

"Thanks, Mom. But I'm kinda stuck. Where do I go? There are some places in New York."

"Sweetie, if you're going to tackle this thing, then you need to go further away than New York. Maybe there's a place back here in Georgia."

The thought of leaving New York for an extended period freaks me out. My apartment is here, all the places I love are here, but most importantly, Jaeger is here.

I can't imagine beating this without him.

However, if I'm going to become the woman he deserves, then I'm going to have to do this.

I say goodnight to Mom and promise to call her when I have good options for facilities I'm interested in.

I fall asleep at the keyboard after my vigorous Google search.

This is actually happening—I'm going to rehab.

Shit.

***

Tori: R U going to Fab's funeral today?

That's the message I awake to.

Am I going to Fab's funeral?

No.

I can't.

Going to the funeral will evoke the guilt from his death. It will make me think about things that I don't need to be thinking about.

I text back one of the last model friends I have.

Chloe: Nope :( I can't

Today the mission is to secure a rehab facility that will help me. This is exactly what I need to be focussing on.

Not the past, but the future.

For the first time in my life, the future excites me.

I don't feel afraid anymore.

Jaeger:

"That's good news, man. Fucking awesome," I say to Ezra before hanging up the phone.

An industry executive was at our gig last night and he wants to meet with the band.

This could be it. This is the big break we've been looking for. According to Ezra, he's interested in signing us. This is huge.

The excitement dies down when I think about Chloe. She might need time, but I still need to check in to see if she's okay.

J: R U Okay? You left last night

C: Yeah, I did :( I had things I needed to sort out. Can we meet today? I wanna talk

J: Sure, I'll come by yours this afternoon

C: I'll be here :)

She had shit to do? That's why she left? What could she possibly have to do at midnight? I wouldn't be surprised if she's already seeing someone else.

This afternoon can't come soon enough.

***

I'm out in front of Chloe's apartment.

I've been out here for over three minutes and still haven't knocked on her door. I'm afraid.

I knock and she answers instantly.

"I was wondering when you were going to knock, you were out here for long enough."

She saw me? I can't imagine what could be more embarrassing.

"Yeah, I was thinking." I'm stuttering. Shit. Why am I so bad at this? I need to get it together.

She finally invites me in. "Lets go inside."

I sit on her sofa and she returns with two glasses of water. Chloe is drinking water? She must be turning over a new leaf.

I thank her for the drink, and she sits beside me on the sofa. She's being too quiet. I have a feeling that whatever she needs to tell me isn't going to be good news. It's hard to be positive when she's struggling to look at me.

"So..." she mumbles.

"So," I repeat.

"I'm really not good at this," she says.

"What are you not good at, Chloe?"

"Talking about this stuff."

That makes two of us.

"I'll start then," I continue. "When you left last night, I was fucking shattered. I know I came off too strong by writing you that song. And I probably should have told you about it, but it's the way I feel. After I got over being pissed off, I realized that you just need time, and that's cool. You're not ready."

She places a hand on my thigh. "It's not like that, Jaeger."

What the hell is she talking about? Maybe she is already seeing someone. That has to be it. It's the only explanation that makes sense.

"What's it like, Chloe?"

Please don't let it be some guy.

"So standing there last night, I realized something. Um..."

She's struggling to get the words out. I don't think this is about her already seeing someone. I feel relieved. Finding out she is seeing someone else would be like receiving a nail in the heart.

"What did you realize, Chloe?"

She hesitates for a moment. I hear her take a deep breath. "I need to go to rehab."

My mind explodes. She doesn't want to go to rehab. She hates the idea of people telling her what to do. I can't think of what would make her change her mind so suddenly.

Even though I'm shocked that this is what she wants to do, I actually feel relieved.

This is what she needs.

I remove her hand from my thigh and grab hold of it. "Why?" I ask her.

"I have problems, we both know that. And if we're going to have a sort of normal relationship, I have to do this. You deserve better than who I am now. If I get it together, maybe, just maybe, we will work."

She's doing this for me?

"You're wrong, Chloe. I don't deserve someone better than you. She doesn't exist. There isn't a woman out there that's better than you."

She doesn't believe me, it's written all over her face.

"You look doubtful, sweetheart."

She shakes her head. "I don't understand. I can't get why you're into me."

She's really going to get me to do this.

Fuck.

"You're passionate and so strong. Not only that, you're funny, even when you don't try to be. I've never met anyone like you, Chloe."

She laughs. Her laugh is the sweetest sound I've ever heard.

"So what's the game plan?" I ask, changing the topic.

And that's when the tears begin to fall.

There isn't a word in the English language that can comfort her right now.

I can hold her though.

That's what I do. She doesn't need words anyway. She needs someone who is going to be there for her.

I'm going to be that person.

I will always be that person.
Chapter Eight

Chloe:

It happened again.

I started crying.

I don't even know why.

I thought I had this under control. Obviously, I don't.

When Jaeger was talking to me, I suddenly realised that this was going to be one hell of a challenge.

Am I ready for this? Hell, yeah.

What other choice do I have?

Jaeger has his arms around me. I could get used to this. I could never get tired of him holding me. He makes me feel safe.

I turn my body around so I can look at him. "Thank you," I whisper before giving him a peck on the cheek.

He begins to play with my hair. "You don't have to thank me, sweetheart. I want to be here."

I still don't get why. How could someone so incredible want someone so messed up?

I wouldn't have it any other way. I need him in my life.

"I'm looking at going to a rehab somewhere far."

"Okay," he says, taking a slow breath.

"Mom suggested that I look at going somewhere outside of New York, so I found one back home in Georgia. The program runs for three to four months."

I know four months is a long time, but in the general scheme of things, it's nothing compared to a lifetime. If I continue on my path of self-destruction, I'll never get the opportunity to witness a lifetime's worth of experiences, moments and memories.

"Do you think it's okay? It isn't too long?" I ask him.

Jaeger lays me down on the sofa. He positions himself beside me. Our faces are two inches apart. "It's not too long, sweetheart. You have to do what you have to. I'm okay with that. I'll miss you, but I know you're doing the right thing."

"You'll miss me?"

He looks at me like I am crazy. I guess that was a stupid question to ask.

"You're seriously asking me that?"

I nod.

Of course he's going to miss me. He wouldn't be here if he wasn't going to miss me.

I interrupt him before he could say another word. "Well, I'm going to miss you."

He smiles. "I know you will."

I shove him in return. "Cocky," I say.

"Nah, just amazingly confident."

I'm not sure if this is the right time or the right thing to do, but I'm going to do it. No backing out now.

I look deep into his eyes, hoping to get a clue of what he really wants from me. "So this thing we have, what are we going to do? Are we official, or..."

He places his hand on my chin. "Are you asking me out, Chloe Jackson?" Jaeger beams.

"Maybe."

"The most incredible woman I have ever met is asking me to be her boyfriend. It's a tough decision. You need to give me time to decide," he says playfully.

"Decide already."

"And she's bossy too. I bet she doesn't realise how sexy she gets when she's mad."

It's impossible to get angry with him.

"Okay, okay, I'll be your boyfriend. But we have to kiss on it to make it official."

I laugh. "Kiss on it? How old are you, sixteen?"

Before I can say anything else, he moves his lips against mine. He makes me feel like I'm sixteen. How? I'm not sure. But what I do know is that I would not change it for anything in the world.

Our kiss-turned-make out session is interrupted by a knock at the door. Who could it possibly be?

I grumble and pull away from Jaeger, who is equally disappointed. I move to answer the door.

I'm attacked as soon as I answer.

"Sweetie, we have missed you so much," Mom says as she covers me with her lipstick.

Dad gives me a more discreet hug and a pat on the back. He's never been one to dish out the affection.

I'm so caught up in the craziness that I forget Jaeger's still here.

Things are about to get awkward.

Mom hugs me again. "We're so proud of you for taking the big step of getting help, we think you're..." She stops as soon as she sees him. "Chloe, sweetie, there's a man in your apartment."

Jaeger is standing there uncomfortably while Mom is checking him out.

Could this get any worse?

I shrug off Mom's hug and move beside Jaeger. "Mom, this isn't some guy. This is Jaeger, my um... friend, I mean, boyfriend."

Jaeger walks over to Mom. "Hi, Mrs. Jackson, it's a pleasure to meet you," he says as he extends his hand, expecting a casual response from my mom.

Mom doesn't know how to be casual. Instead, she launches herself at him and places a slobbery kiss on his cheek.

Thinking about it makes me cringe. The visual makes me want to die.

Mom looks over to Dad. "Donald, look at this sexy hunk of a man Chloe is dating."

Despite Mom's best efforts, I doubt Dad will appreciate Jaeger's smoking-hot exterior.

Dad, stony-faced, approaches Jaeger and extends his hand.

Jaeger's usual confident self has been replaced with trembling and shaking. "Uh, Mr. Jackson, it's an honour to meet you," he manages to get out.

Dad says nothing. All he does is simply shake his hand.

This isn't good.

Jaeger has turned into a nervous wreck. I never thought I would see the day.

"So Mom and Dad, what are you guys doing here?" I ask them both.

"Well, sweetie, we have come to support our only daughter, of course."

I do appreciate them being here, I really do. I just wish they had called. Then I wouldn't have put Jaeger in the middle of this awkward situation.

Even though I offer to book a hotel room nearby, Mom and Dad refuse. Instead, they choose to stay in the spare room of my apartment.

When they decide to give us a breather in order for them to freshen up, Jaeger and I are finally alone.

"I'm sorry about this," I say to him.

With his hands on my shoulders, he looks up at me. "Don't apologize, sweetheart. They're your family, they want to be here for you."

As soon as I get to rehab, I won't be able to see him. I need him to stay with me. Just for a little while.

"I think your Dad hates me, though."

"I don't think so."

Okay, I'm lying. Dad hates every guy I date, it's a dad thing. It's nothing Jaeger should be concerned about. He will eventually get over it.

I hope so, anyway.

"I should probably go anyway. You need to have time alone with your folks. It's probably been forever since you last saw them." He's right. It's been a long time.

"And you're my boyfriend," I remind him.

He shakes his head. "Yeah, for like one hour."

"Hey, you're not going anywhere. I know they're intense, but I promise it won't get any more uncomfortable than it already is. Please stay."

He looks hesitant, but agrees to stay.

I lied. When I said to him that it wasn't going to get any more uncomfortable, I was wrong. "Comfortable" doesn't exist in my parents' vocabulary.

"So Jaeger, I'm guessing you want to have children. Chloe knows how badly I want to become a grandma," Mom says.

Oh God.

Mom has made Jaeger feel more awkward. I should've let him leave earlier.

"Uh... yeah... eventually," Jaeger replies.

My Mom is beaming with happiness, while my cheeks have flushed as red as a tomato.

This is going to be a long night.

I stop Mom before she says something else inappropriate. "Mom, Jaeger and I just got together. Please refrain from choosing baby names."

She's visually upset.

Does she expect Jaeger and me to elope sometime soon? I'm still trying to get my head around the fact that he's my boyfriend. I only asked him to be my boyfriend today. She needs to calm down.

Plus, I still need to go to rehab. Who knows if our relationship will even survive that?

I hope it will. As long as I don't mess it up, we should survive.

Mom stops planning our non-existent wedding to talk about my upcoming stint in rehab. Can't we talk about normal stuff like normal families? Maybe something like the weather or sports.

"So how long are you going away for, sweetie?"

I take a sip from my water. "The program runs for three to four months."

"That's a very long time. Why don't you go for a month? Or even two weeks?" Mom says.

"If I'm going to do this, Mom, I might as well do it the right way. If it means that I will have to go away for a while, I'll do it."

I mean it. I don't want to do this twice. Going to rehab is something you only want to do once.

"There's another thing I forgot to tell you all."

The whole table falls silent.

"The facility I'm going to has a no-communication-using-technology policy. That includes no emails or phone calls."

It's part of their recovery program. Without technology, all distractions are removed. It will feel weird to be isolated from the outside world. It will help me, so I will have to make do.

There's an exception, though. I can write and receive letters. At least there will be some contact with the people I care about.

Jaeger looks confused. "What do you mean?" he asks.

"Like I mentioned earlier, we're not allowed to use technology to communicate," I remind him.

"I understand that, sweetheart. But how are we supposed to check in with you to see if you're okay?" he asks.

"Letters."

I notice Mom's frustration across the table. Is this really a big deal?

"Letters, Chloe? This is crazy. It isn't going to work," Mom says.

Letters worked when emails didn't exist. I'm sure we can manage for a few months.

"At least we'll still have a way to communicate with her, Mrs. Jackson," Jaeger says as he attempts to calm her down.

Mom's frustration has disappeared. "Well, you make a valid point, Jaeger."

Of course Mom calms down when Jaeger talks to her. If I'm not careful, my mom might be a cougar in the making.

After we finish our meals, Mom and I clear the dining table. Dad and Jaeger head into the living area.

Please don't let them kill each other.

Jaeger:

There's nothing more awkward than sitting in a room alone with your girlfriend's dad.

I can feel the daggers he's shooting with his eyes.

"What are your intentions with my daughter?" he grumbles. His eyes remain fierce.

I guess he wants to go straight to the heavy stuff.

I try to man up and match his gaze. This isn't easy. Mr. Jackson is the definition of intimidating. "I like her," I admit.

Like her? Is that the best I can do? This is Chloe's father. This isn't the time for me to fuck this up.

"You like my daughter?"

Shit. How do I word this? "Well, more than that, sir. I'm crazy about Chloe."

Maybe that wasn't the best way to declare my feelings for his daughter.

I hear her dad inhale a large breath. If things weren't already serious enough, they're about to be. "I love her, Jaeger. Chloe is my world. I like to protect her."

Finally, something we can agree on.

"Well, we have that in common. I'll do anything to protect your daughter."

That answer seems to have pleased him.

He gets up from the other sofa and sits next to me. I don't know what he's about to say. I have never felt so nervous talking with a girl's dad before.

"Just tell me this," he says. "Have you been involved in my daughter's reliance on prescription medicine? Have you supplied her with anything? Or have you taken anything with her?"

What the hell?

It makes sense.

He hates me because he thinks I'm his daughter's drug dealer or some shit like that.

"I have nothing to do with any of that shit. I don't take drugs, and I don't sell them. Yeah, I like to drink, but that's all. I promise you that."

This is probably not the time to tell him how I have a fucked-up past with alcohol. Maybe I will leave that story for another time when he isn't so pissed off and in protective dad mode.

The look on his face is telling me that part of him doesn't believe me. I don't blame him. He still looks pissed off. I never thought gaining acceptance from Chloe's dad would mean so much to me.

Finally, Chloe and her mom enter the room.

If I have to bear another second of his intense glare, I will explode. It's obvious that the guy can't trust me. How do I win the trust of someone who is important to Chloe? This is a challenge I'm willing to accept.

Chloe sits beside me. Her dad gets up and returns to the other sofa. She shoots me a knowing look as if she's aware that something bad just happened in here. I need to calm her down. I smile at her as if to tell her that everything is okay. I rest my hand on her thigh, and she looks up and smiles back.

I spy Chloe's dad on the other sofa, looking at me as if he's ready to kill me. Can't a guy touch his girlfriend anymore? She isn't a child.

Saying that, I would be acting the same if it were my little girl. God forbid if I ever have a daughter. I would build a hundred-foot wall around her to keep the bad wolves away. So I have to respect Chloe's dad. If I were him, I would have gone ape shit by now.

Chloe's mom takes it upon herself to kill the awkward vibes in the room.

"How about we put a film on?" she suggests.

I don't think it's a good idea. I can't trust myself on this sofa with Chloe as soon as those lights go off.

"That's a great idea, Mom. Can you pass Jaeger and me a blanket? I'm freezing."

Chloe's mom retrieves two blankets. She passes one to Chloe and me, and then returns to the other sofa to sit with her husband.

"Oh, snap, I forgot to turn off the lights. Chloe, can you be a darling and switch it off for us?"

Chloe lifts herself off the sofa. "Sure, Mom. While I'm up, I might as well go make some popcorn too."

After what feels like forever, Chloe returns carrying large popcorn bowls. I can't help but laugh. A few more steps and she would have dropped it all over the floor. I help her by taking one from her hands.

After passing a bowl to her parents, she sits down on our sofa and presses play on the remote.

I rest her head on my shoulder. "What movie are we watching, anyway?" I ask her. She gives me a mischievous smile in return.

"You'll see. But let me tell you, it was Mom's choice, so don't hate me."

"Oh, Chloe, it wasn't all my choice. You love this film too, sweetie," Mom calls out from the other sofa.

It's going to be a chick flick. I know it.

It better not be a film with Ryan Gosling. I seriously hate that guy. I think it's the fact that every female on this damn planet is obsessed with him.

The title screen appears.

Notting Hill.

Notting fucking Hill.

Chloe's Dad and I groan in unison.

Finally, something that we can both agree on.

Chloe looks over at her mom. "I told you, Mom, we should've put The Notebook on."

Now she's just being a smartass, and she knows it. The grin on her face is doing all the talking for her.

All chick flicks are the same thing; it's a well-known fact amongst guys. I can write one of those scripts with my eyes closed.

"Get over it, boys. We're watching this, and that's final," Chloe's mom commands.

Still smiling, Chloe resumes the film. Little does she know that I will be the one smirking in a couple of minutes.

I cover the blanket over her shoulders and place my right hand on her thigh, where I make gentle circles against her soft skin.

"Jaeger," she warns me in a slight whisper. "My parents are here, remember?"

How could I forget? I wouldn't ever consider doing this in front of them with the lights on.

I draw her closer. "I know, sweetheart, I know."

I see Julie glaring at us. "Chloe and Jaeger! Quiet. What on earth are you two whispering about anyway?"

Wow, someone's eager to see Hugh Grant, geez.

"It's Chloe, I swear. She can't stop talking," I say to her mom.

"Chloe! Can't you see that your boyfriend wants to watch the film?"

Someone's in trouble.

She slaps my shoulder slightly. "You're so bad," she says quickly before her Mom can catch her.

I go back to creating circles on her thigh. This time she doesn't tell me stop; instead, she closes her eyes and rests her head on my shoulder. I stop the circles and move my hand further up her thigh.

"Jaeger," Chloe warns.

"Don't worry, I'm not going to go any further. I wouldn't do that with your folks sitting over there. If you want me stop because you're uncomfortable, tell me. Otherwise, my hand is quite happy to remain here."

"I don't want you to stop."

That's all I need to hear.

I don't notice when the movie comes to an end. Chloe has dozed off in my arms. If I'm correct, she's making little snoring noises. I've come to the realization that Chloe snoring is the cutest thing ever. If her parents weren't here, we would have fallen asleep together on the sofa. Unfortunately, something tells me that they wouldn't like their daughter and I doing that tonight.

Chloe's mom walks over to our sofa. She tries to wake Chloe up by brushing her face with her fingers. Chloe looks so peaceful. Couldn't she just leave her asleep? "Chloe, sweetie, wake up. You need to say goodbye to Jaeger."

I guess that's her polite way of kicking me out of the apartment.

Chloe's eyes begin to slowly open. "No, Mom, I want Jaeger to stay. We've slept in the same bed before. Plus, this is my apartment last time I checked."

And to think her Dad would have calmed down by now. As soon as Chloe mentions that we've shared a bed, he looks like he is ready to pounce on me. I'm not sure what the big fucking deal is. We haven't had sex.

I don't want to cause an argument between Chloe and her parents. I get up from the sofa. It's probably time I give her time with her folks. "It's alright, sweetheart. I'll go."

She places her arms on my waist to prevent me from standing up. "No," she protests.

"Let him go home and rest, Chloe. I'm sure he's tired," her dad says from across the room.

He couldn't care less if I was tired or not. All he wants is for me to get away from his daughter.

"Chloe, it's okay. I have things to do anyway."

Gently, I remove her hands from my waist. "Okay, fine," she says like a sulky child.

Her parents might be kicking me out of her apartment, but I'm going to give them something to remember me by. I'm not just going to give their daughter a small kiss goodnight. I'm really going to kiss her. I hope they enjoy the show.

I kiss her as if I'm never going to kiss her again. I go slowly, as that's what she deserves. Chloe doesn't deserve to be rushed. Only boys rush. Boys don't savour the moment because they're too busy thinking with their dicks. A real man brings his girl into the moment with him.

Mr. Jackson pulls us apart. "I think that's enough. I think she gets the point," he says.

I don't think Chloe gets the point. If I'm not mistaken, she's ready for round two.

Chloe returns to my side. "DAD!" she yells.

She's pissed. I mean, I am too. However, I know that right now isn't the time to show it. He already hates me.

"No, Chloe. Your mother and I are not going to stand here and watch you do that."

Oh, come on. What we were doing wasn't that bad. They're acting as if we're twelve years old.

Forcibly, Mr. Jackson wraps his arm around my shoulder, moving me away from Chloe. "Lets go, Jaeger. I can walk you out," he offers.

"Fine, whatever," I say, walking off with him.

We silently head towards the front door. I am expecting him to close the door on me, but he surprises me and follows me out.

"Jaeger, we need to have a word."

"Yeah?"

Anger is raging through his eyes. "Stay away from my daughter," he says.

He can't be serious. He's kidding himself if he thinks I'm going to listen to him. "I can't do that, sir."

"You will," he demands.

"No. The day she tells me to get the fuck out of her life is the day I will leave."

I walk off, leaving him standing there in Chloe's doorway. He can't stop me from dating Chloe. Only she can do that. Even though I respect the guy and all, I'm not going to let him tell me what to do.

Once I get back to my apartment, I head straight for my guitar and my notepad.

During times like this when emotions are pouring out, there's only one thing I can do to express it.

Write.

Writing cures everything. And now it's a lot easier since I have Chloe inspiring me every day.

In two days, Chloe will be disappearing from my life. I'm going to miss her more than I have ever missed anyone. It's only temporary, I know, but I'm still going to miss her like crazy.

I need do something so she knows how much she means to me. She needs to know how strong I think she is, and how proud I am of her.

I know exactly what I need to do.

I hope she's ready for my best songwriting yet.
Chapter Nine

Chloe:

The day has come.

I'm going to rehab.

Even though I have all the fear in the world pumping through my veins right now, part of me feels calm.

We've just touched down at the airport in Georgia. My parents and Jaeger are here with me. Mom and Dad suggested that it was a bad idea for Jaeger to be here today; I argued otherwise. There's no way I would be coming here without him. I need him by my side.

I don't know why they hate him so much. I think it's Dad who has a real problem with him. I can't understand why he thinks Jaeger is such a bad guy. Maybe it's the tattoos, or the eyebrow piercing, I'm not sure. I wish he would get over it, though.

All that matters is that I think he's a good guy. Dad will eventually change his mind after he sees how much Jaeger cares for me.

I do feel for Jaeger. Once they leave me here, he needs to ride with my parents to get back to the airport. It was kind of Mom to offer him a ride. The look on Dad's face when she did was hilarious.

I'm sitting in the backseat of Dad's car when Mom turns back to look at me from the passenger side. "Are you nervous, Chloe?" she asks me.

Of course I'm nervous. I'm going to be away from New York for over three months. I wouldn't be human if I wasn't nervous.

I don't want my parents and Jaeger to know about my nervousness. "Not really," I reply.

I don't want to worry her. She needs to think I'm confident about this.

What happens if rehab doesn't work? So many celebrities check in to rehab, and then leave to go back to their old ways.

I don't want to be like that.

I can't be like that. I will lose everyone I care about if I mess this up. I wouldn't blame them if they were less forgiving a second time.

Am I crazy for doing this?

Maybe if I don't go, my issues will eventually disappear anyway. I shouldn't think about this. I can't rely on maybes. I need this thing to go away permanently. I want a normal life where this shit doesn't bother me anymore.

Then I can finally feel content.

Jaeger is sitting beside me. As he leans into me, I feel goosebumps. "It's going to be okay," he whispers softly.

I look deep into his eyes. He keeps his gaze fixed on mine. "How do you know?"

"You're the strongest person I know," he says in return.

Strong? I'm not strong. He has no idea of what's living inside my head. How could I be strong when I feel so weak?

I can never comprehend why he believes in me so much. Little does he know that it's his support that gives me strength.

I wish I could have spent the last two days with him; however, he was busy. He said he had music stuff to do. I can understand that. I don't want to come between him and music. He loves it too much.

I look out the car window and I recognize the street name.

It looks as if we're on some country ranch. I know this shouldn't shock me, since this is the way I grew up.

This place looks calm. It makes me think about my earlier life. The fresh air and the beautiful, luminous night sky is what comes to mind when I think about home.

Dad stops the car and he and Mom exit first. Dad retrieves my luggage and Jaeger helps me out of the car. "This place looks beautiful, Chloe," Mom gushes.

Jaeger guides me from the car through the front entrance with his hand. I don't want to let go. Letting go means saying goodbye and I'm not ready for that. I won't be able to see his face for months and it hurts too much to let go. He won't be able to hold me and make me feel safe.

I'm here on my own. I'm not sure I'm strong enough to do this alone.

An older lady in her late sixties dressed in a salmon pink uniform approaches us. Judging by her smile, she seems friendly.

She walks straight towards me. "You must be Chloe Jackson. My name is Dot. I would like to welcome you to the New Start Treatment Facility."

"Um, thanks."

Jaeger is still holding onto my hand. I'm dreading the moment he has to let go.

"It's best you say your goodbyes now so I can take you through and give you an introduction to our rules and policies," Dot says.

Mom's already distraught, her face in tears. She launches herself at me and gives me a massive bear hug. I hug her back. Sometimes Mom drives me crazy, but I do love her.

"It's going to be okay, Chloe. You're going to be okay, I promise you. Please don't ever forget how proud we are of you. You made this decision all by yourself," she says.

Even though the last time I saw my parents before all this stuff was eighteen months ago, it still hurts to say goodbye.

I'm going into the unknown. I'll never be ready for the challenges that lie behind that door. There isn't a thing in this world that will prepare you for this.

Mom lets go and passes me off to Dad. Dad is less emotional, but I know he cares about me. Sometimes I forget how hard it is for them to get their heads around the fact that their little girl has an addiction.

"Stay strong, Chloe," Dad says as he gives me a quick hug.

Now it's Jaeger's turn.

I know this is going to be the hardest goodbye.

"Well..." he says.

That's when the tears begin to fall. Not just a stream of tears, but a thunderstorm of them. I'm sure my tears from the last few weeks could end a drought.

Jaeger moves the hairs blocking my face. "Sweetheart, it's going to be okay. I'm still going to be here for you. Just not physically present, that's all. We're like arctic foxes. No matter how far apart, they are still emotionally connected to one another. They could be in other parts of the world and they will still have that one partner."

My tears stop and I laugh instead. Who would have thought some random fact could have me smiling so much? "How do you know that?"

"I watch the National Geographic channel, sweetheart."

He keeps on surprising me.

"I guess you're right. We're going to be so far from each other, but you're still going to be in here," I say as I touch my heart over my shirt.

"And that's why I made you something, so you never forget."

He digs through his messenger bag until he finds what he's looking for. He pulls out a CD and passes it to me.

"You made me an Atomic Nights mixtape?"

"Not quite."

"What is it then?" I ask, looking down at the CD.

I look at the track list and recognise the first track instantly. "Hold On" is the song he dedicated to me at his gig.

1) Hold On

2) Into You

3) Don't Let Them Bring you Down

4) Human

5) Step

6) People Say

7) Shoulder to Shoulder

9) Lullaby

I can't believe he made a CD for me. This must be the music stuff he's been doing for the last few days. This is the most romantic thing any man has ever done for me.

He looks away nervously. I grab onto his hand, refocussing his attention back on me. "It's just some stuff I wrote and recorded for you. It's corny as fuck to give this to you, I know, but I just wanted to give you something to remember me while you're in here and..."

He's rambling. It amazes me that he holds back on telling me how he feels, yet, he writes me an entire CD. Something tells me that his music is the easiest way for him to express himself.

"Jaeger, I love it."

He looks at me surprised, almost confused about what I just said. "But you haven't listened to it."

"I know it's going to be amazing."

"Well, I remember you saying that you can't use phones and computers, but you never said anything about Walkmans. It's old as fuck, but they're obsolete now, so it was the best I could find. Shit, I don't even know if you're allowed to have this thing. Fuck, I should have checked," he says, panicking.

"Don't worry, she's allowed to have it. Any electronic is okay, as long as it doesn't have the capability to communicate," Dot confirms, smiling at a nervous Jaeger.

Well, that's a relief. I don't think I would be able to cope with looking at this CD without listening to it for four months.

I notice Mom at the corner of my eye, acting excited about Jaeger's gift. "That's the most romantic thing I have ever seen a man do. See, Donald? You always complain about buying me roses on Valentine's Day. You should be like Jaeger," she says.

Jaeger is the one smirking, as he thinks he has one up on Dad. Dad's face is telling me a different story. Jaeger should be careful; my parents still need to take him back to the airport.

Dad looks frustrated. "I used to be romantic, Julie."

It's as if Mom has stars in her eyes. "Oh, I remember. All the rides you used to take me on your motorcycle, wow. Your father was such a heartthrob, Chloe."

Dad used to ride a motorcycle? That's news to me. How did I not know about this?

Anyway, this isn't about Mom and Dad's romantic escapades when they were teenagers. Frankly, I really don't want to know.

I return my attention to Jaeger. "You promise to write to me?" I ask him, hoping he says yes.

"You need to stop asking stupid questions, sweetheart." I guess that's his way of saying yes.

That's the moment he wraps his arms around me, almost lifting me off the ground.

It doesn't seem real.

I'm not sure when it's ever going to feel real.

I'm going to miss having his strong arms wrapped around me; I'm going to miss the way I feel safe in his arms; but most of all, I'm going to miss the way he makes my heart feel.

My parents got pissed off the other night when he kissed me, so they're not going to like what I'm about to do. The next time I get to taste his lips will be in months and it isn't fair that I'll have to wait that long.

He knows what I'm about to do, and instead he acts first. He starts gentle. I get to taste every part of those lips. It doesn't feel like my parents or one of the nurses are surrounding us. Instead, we're on our own cloud away from everyone.

I want forever to feel like this. I can't imagine ever wanting to be with anyone else.

He's my arctic fox.

He will forever be my arctic fox.

Jaeger:

It starts to hit me once I'm in the car with her folks.

She's really gone.

Can't these four months be over already? Fuck.

The last ten minutes have been extremely tense. Julie has been making random conversation with me, while Mr. Jackson has remained silent. Why did I agree to this? I should've caught a cab.

I don't think Chloe's mom hates me. I think it's just her dad. As soon as Chloe's mom mentioned that he used to ride bikes, it made me think. Maybe we have much more in common than I first thought.

Maybe once he gets over whatever's pissing him off, we could bond and shit. It would make Chloe happy. If Chloe's happy, I'm happy.

"So, Jaeger, you can go live life like a bachelor now for the next couple months, with your rock star life and all," I hear Mr. Jackson say.

Rock star life? Please.

He doesn't know me.

"No, Mr. Jackson. I'm not interested in any of that shit. It's just Chloe for me."

Why the fuck would I want any other girl when I have the girl?

I notice Julie glaring at her husband. "Donald, leave the boy alone."

Mr. Jackson looks away. He isn't backing down anytime soon.

She's definitely on my team. Nice.

As soon as we get to the airport, I thank Chloe's folks and rush to the terminal.

I need to get away from these two fast.

***

My phone is buzzing from a text Ezra has sent me. It's always that moment when you decide to take off your pants and get comfortable that you get interrupted.

Man, he has some really awful timing.

E: Dude, you home yet? I hope today went alright.

J: Yeah, it was okay. Just got home.

E: How about I come around for pizza and beer?

I guess that means the pants will have to go back on.

Damn.

Though I could really use some pizza and beer right now. It's probably best I have company. Spending time with my best friend will get my thoughts away from what happened today.

J: Sounds cool man.

E: Wicked. I'll be around in 30 mins.

I love all the boys in the band, but Ezra's my best friend. We've known each other since we were kids. He's always been there whenever I've needed him. I've seen a lot of friends come and go. Ezra has always stuck around for all my highs and lows.

I decide to give my apartment a slight tidying.

I don't understand why. As soon as Ezra gets here, this place is going to get trashed again.

My cleaning frenzy is interrupted by a knock at the door.

I answer it to see Ezra struggling to hold the pizza boxes and the beer.

It's going to be one messy night.

"Hey, man," I say as I take the beer out of his hands.

"Thanks, dude. I seriously thought I was going to drop this shit everywhere."

We dig into the pizza as soon as we reach the sofa.

Not just any pizza, though. This is a supreme pizza with triple cheese and stuffed crust. Ezra just won the best friend of the year award.

Once we reach our second beer, Ezra turns serious. "So tell me, how are you feeling about everything, man? I know that I haven't been Chloe's biggest fan, but you do care about her, so I gotta appreciate that."

Staying true to form, Ezra always likes to go straight to the heavy stuff. I know he does it so I can get the emotions out.

I take another sip from my beer. "I guess I feel alright. I'm going to miss her and all, but I know she's doing what she needs to, and that's more important than me missing her."

That's how I really feel. She needs to be there. It's a hard thing to accept, but it's true. It's easy to forget that she has a problem, as she conceals it so well. All I want her to do is be healthy.

I'm going to miss her. A lot has to do with the fact that I won't be able to see her face through Skype or hear her sweet voice over the phone. I'm grateful we can send letters, though. At least it's some form of communication.

"Did you end up making that CD?"

I had called Ezra to see if it was a crazy idea when I was recording Chloe's mixtape. "Yeah, I did."

Ezra smiles. "You know it isn't fair to the rest of the male population, who doesn't have your song-writing skills? Anyway, did she like it?"

"I don't know yet. I hope so."

Maybe in the first letter she sends to me, she will tell me what she thinks of it. I sure as hell hope she likes it. I put my entire soul into every song. I know some of the things I wrote were lame as fuck, but I couldn't care less. I would rather be honest with Chloe.

Before I met her, I was in a dark place. No matter how hard I tried, I couldn't write. I couldn't get a single word on paper. Nor could I ever come up with a single melody on the guitar. I've never been inspired by any other relationship I've ever been in. Chloe's the first girl I've ever written a song for.

Once a song is recorded, it becomes permanent. That's why I've never created songs for other girls. Why create something permanent for a relationship that's not real?

"When are you going to start writing the new album? I've known you for your entire life and I've never seen you write this much. Your girl could be the one who saves the band."

It's true. My writers' block has disappeared in the last few weeks, and it's no coincidence.

I've been writing daily. Not only about Chloe, but also about the whole world around me. After a hiatus away from writing, it feels good to be creating again.

I need to ask Ezra about the record executive that was at our gig. I have to know that Atomic Nights has a future. "What's happening with the record executive from the other night? Does he still want to meet with us?" I ask.

"Yeah, next week. I really think that this could be it. If he signs us, then who knows what could happen."

There's no way I want to go back to waiting tables.

I wouldn't have to worry about finding some lame-ass job. I could do what I love every day.

"It's exciting times, man. I just really want this to happen," I say to him.

"We all do."

Each one of us in the band has made sacrifices to be here in New York.

If we get to where we want to, it will make our sacrifices worth it all. I would hate it if this was all for nothing.
Chapter Ten

Chloe:

I thought this place was going to be a breeze.

It isn't.

It's an absolute nightmare.

It's only day two and I'm ready to get out of here. There must be some way I can walk out of this place.

"So tell me, Chloe, why do you get so anxious?" Dr. Adams questions.

He's been interrogating me for the last half an hour. It's driving me insane. Counsellors and psychologists have taken every opportunity to pick me apart like I'm their project.

Dr. Adams starts to glare as if he's becoming impatient. "If you don't answer, you're never going to get better."

I want to get better, don't get me wrong. I just don't see the use of the constant questioning. It doesn't make me want to open up.

"Look, doc, can't we just do this another time?" I ask, hoping he will say yes.

All I want to do is hide in my room and climb under the sheets. What scares me most of all about this place is that I know that these people are going to figure me out. It's what they're good at. I don't want these people judging me.

Due to my lack of talking, Dr. Adams end our session short. Once I leave his office, I head directly to my room.

I need some time out away from all the questioning and judgments.

I jump in my bed and under the comforter.

I hear the sound of my door creaking.

I peek my head from under the comforter to see Dot standing in the doorway.

"Good afternoon, Chloe. I was wondering whether you wanted to have a chat?"

No, I really don't want to have a chat. I've done enough talking for the day. Dot is lovely and all; I just can't speak another word about this stuff.

"Why did you come here? You came to our treatment facility of your own free will. Why are you here, Chloe?"

She must have heard about my episode with Dr. Adams. "Because I want to get better."

"And don't you think that all the programs we have arranged for you will make you better?"

She makes a valid point.

I'm not denying the fact that these people know what they're talking about. However, I think they're nosy pests who want to know everything.

Dot moves from the doorway to the side of my bed.

"I know, Dot. I hate talking about it. It's hard."

"That's our hope, Chloe. We want this to be easy for you one day. You need to put a bigger effort in if you want that to happen. We can't prescribe you something to make it all go away; that isn't going to work for you."

"I get that. I wish I could take something right now so it can all disappear."

Medication would make this all easier.

"Ah, see Chloe, that's why you have a problem. You're trying to avoid the situation as opposed to repairing it. Pills aren't going to help you. They're only a temporary fix to your issues. We want a long-term solution."

Avoiding stuff is easier, I don't care what anyone says. If you avoid something for long enough, it will eventually disappear.

During the last few weeks it has been Jaeger who has been my rock. I haven't thought about popping anything whenever he's around.

Jaeger is my distraction.

Dot's wrong. Having a distraction isn't always a bad thing.

Even though Jaeger is my distraction right now, if my urges come back it would be unfair to him.

That's why I need to be here.

I need to stop that from happening so we can have a normal relationship.

Four o'clock is approaching and that means time for another appointment.

I climb out of bed and prepare myself.

Four months couldn't go any slower.

***

"Do you think about taking anything now? How does it make you feel?" asks Dr. Evans.

Just when I thought Dr. Adams was the pinnacle of nosy doctors, I met Dr. Evans.

I cannot work out what's more irritating: the tapping of his damn pen, or his nosy questions.

He isn't going to stop tapping until I talk.

Damn.

"It makes me feel content when I take stuff. It eliminates all of the emptiness. I like how quickly it changes me."

The sound of his pen tapping has returned. "How long have you been taking them?"

"A few years. Probably five."

Maria started giving me pills after I complained how fatigued and overworked I felt.

It was her solution.

And it worked.

It kept my energy levels at their peak and money in her pockets. I never questioned it, as I became accustomed to how they made me feel.

"Did a doctor ever talk you through how to take them with care?"

Doctor? What doctor?

As much as I despise Maria, this isn't the time or place to bring up her illegal activities.

Doing that isn't going to make my problems go away.

"Yeah, a doctor explained it to me," I lie.

He scribbles down more notes vigorously. I don't understand why these people write so much. What's he writing, anyway?

Dr. Evans places his pen and notebook on the side table. "So you still did it even though you knew taking so much could have fatal consequences?"

"Yeah."

He hesitates a moment before he asks me his next question. "Are you suicidal?"

What the hell?

I'm not suicidal. I've never felt suicidal. After I fiercely deny his reasoning, I ask him if I can be excused. I'm not copping this anymore.

Lost in my thoughts, I storm through the hallway towards my room.

I don't notice someone is there until I crash body-first into her.

I look down to see a girl of about sixteen years old slumped down onto the floor. She looks petite and frail. She must be a patient at New Start as well.

I reach down to the floor and help her up. "I'm so sorry," I say once she's back on her feet.

"It's okay. My name's Kate. Are you new?"

I'm not in the mood to have a conversation, but I don't want to be a bitch to the poor girl after plowing straight into her.

I'm terrible at making conversation. I've spent my entire life talking to fashion people and celebrities. The only time I've ever talked to someone who isn't famous during my career is when a fan has approached me. It's a skill I need to develop now that I'm out in the real world.

"Um, yeah, I've only been here for a few days."

She smiles. "Awesome. Are you liking it?"

Does anybody actually like this place?

"Not really. How are you finding it?"

"Okay, I guess. I've been here for over two months now. I hated it at first, and I didn't find a point to being here. I was angry. It got easier once I got over my angst."

So it does get better. It's good to hear this from another patient. At least there's hope that this place will improve.

"That's good to know. It doesn't feel like it's going to get better."

"I think it depends on what you have, too. I had anorexia, so it wasn't easy for me at first."

That's tough. It makes me ill thinking about a girl so young going through something so awful.

I've had diet pills before, but I don't think I was ever anorexic. I did see a lot of girls go through it. There was always at least one girl who passed out backstage at the runway shows.

It was always a painful sight to see a girl who was dangerously thin.

"That sucks. I'm sorry to hear that. I hope you're doing well now."

"Thank you. I'm getting there. Better than when I first got here anyway. At least I can now look at the front page of a magazine without finding the need to go make myself sick."

It hits me.

That is my fault. Even if it's not my fault directly, it's the fault of the industry I was in.

I'm the reason why Kate and millions of other girls go through this terrible shit. I can imagine how many other girls like Kate go through this.

It hurts to know that girls feel the need to do this stuff. It's something that you don't think about when you're in the spotlight. You never consider the people you're affecting when you're on top of the world.

I can't even look at Kate.

I manage to get out a quick goodbye before dashing off.

Once I'm back in my room, I retrieve my notepad, a pen, Jaeger's CD, and my Walkman before heading outside into the garden.

I need to get all these emotions out. I can't keep them bottled up anymore.

There's only one person I want to talk to right now.

Jaeger:

I've been staring at it for over an hour.

Four days ago was the last time I saw her face.

I grow some balls and open up the envelope.

Inside the envelope is a letter. I slide it out and open it up.

My dearest Jaeger,

I miss you.

I never thought I could ever feel this way about someone. I wouldn't change it for the world. I know that the pain I'm feeling now will be worth it in four months.

I thought this place would be easy, but isn't. Everyone in here wants to pick me apart and it freaks me out. I will endure all of it though. If it means it will fix me, I will do it.

It has only been two days, and I still can't get over the fact that you're not here. You're not here to hold me and shield me from everything. Even though you are not physically present, I feel your heartbeat beating with mine.

As I write this letter to you, I'm listening to your CD. Listening to it makes me feel again. It fills all my emptiness up with you.

Always yours,

Chloe

Fuck.

It's amazing how words can make you crumble so quickly.

It's comforting that she's feeling everything I am. Deep down I'm afraid that she'll forget about me. What happens if after four months she realises that she doesn't want to be with me anymore? It's terrifying to be so far from someone you care deeply about.

I decide to write back to her. I don't know what I'm going to say, I'm just going to let it all pour out.

To my beautiful Chloe,

I miss you too.

Like, really fucking miss you.

I know it's selfish for me to feel this way, I can't help it though. You're the best thing that has ever happened to me. That's the truth.

I want you to remember that you're cemented in my mind permanently. I hope that you're staying strong.

Never forget the amount of strength that you possess. You should never doubt yourself or consider yourself unworthy.

Also, I have really big news!

The band is meeting with a label today, which is pretty fucking exciting. Maybe this will be our big break. I hope the next time I write to you I have good news.

We hope so anyway.

Miss you always,

Jaeger.

P.S. I'm glad that you love the CD. It means the world to me!

I carefully place the letter in an envelope along with one of my favorite photos of us together. It's a candid shot of us Ezra took before our last gig.

Today's a big day.

It's the day we hope we get signed.

There's been a massive lead-up to the meeting and I feel ready. We have new material and a fresh attitude.

I'm also feeling nervous. If today goes badly, then the dream of the band making it will begin to close up.

I won't let that happen.

I can't. We need this.

We've invested our heart and souls into the band. If we mess this up, it's going to be too difficult to ever get to the point we need to be. This is our last chance at scoring a deal.

Getting another job or going to college isn't on my agenda.

I want to be able to write songs and perform every day.

Last time we were signed to a major label over a year ago, the label started to hate our sound. Music was heading in a direction where labels wanted bands to have an indie rock sound. They said our songs were good, but they still wanted us to change from alternative rock to indie rock.

That was never going to happen.

I'm all about rock and roll and that's never going to change.

I don't know how bands can change their sound so easily. Even if we don't get signed today, there's a chance that we could get signed with someone else. I'm sick of waiting. I feel like our time is now.

We don't want this to happen in one year, ten years, or in one hundred years. We want this now.

The boys and I practiced our hearts out last night. I played them the new songs I've written for Chloe and they loved them. They took my acoustic versions and added their instruments in. It's important that we stick to the sound we love.

They laid a lot of shit on me about turning soft. I don't care, although they may be right. They can lay as much as they want on me, there's no going back now. I'm crazy about her and nothing can change that.

I hope the label is happy with the new material. It's great that the band loves it, but there has to be selling potential for the label to love it. All record labels care about is making money.

All this craziness with the band has been a good distraction from constantly missing Chloe. In a way, it has been an outlet for me.

It's a healthy outlet. I could drink myself to sleep, like I have done in the past, or even get so high that I forget everything, but I'd rather not.

I can't ever get back to that point for Chloe's sake.

Maybe that's why I'm so drawn to her. I can see so much of my past in her eyes and I want to save her.

When the band got dropped last time, it sent me on a downward spiral of depression and anxiety. I found comfort in having alcohol pumping through my veins. It was the only thing that could cure the pain.

Just like Chloe does with pills.

Any sort of substance becomes a shield from the entire world. My problem wasn't as deep as Chloe's; however, it was still unhealthy.

My wish is that she will one day realize that being reliant on any sort of substance is unhealthy. She doesn't need pills to make everything okay. All she needs to do is believe in herself.

Choosing my clothes for a meeting has never been so difficult.

When did I start caring about this stuff anyway? I look inside my closet and can't find anything to wear.

Well, I have a lot to wear, I just can't work out what I am supposed to put on. I'm never worried about this sort of stuff. Record executives care, though. That's why it matters.

I settle for my black denim jeans and a plain black t-shirt.

My phone buzzes with a text Mike sent.

M: Hey man, we will be there in ten

J: Cool, see you then.

Ten minutes to get my shit together.

My mind is a bundle of raging nerves and I need to find a way to calm down. This isn't the time for me to lose my shit. I can't remember ever feeling so nervous.

As soon as there's a knock at the door, I grab everything I need and bolt to answer it.

Ezra steps through first. "Whoa man, are you feeling okay? You need to get it together."

Just because he's always so damn calm it doesn't mean we all are. Ezra is the king of calmness and Zen.

I catch my breath. "I'm just nervous."

How does he look so relaxed right now? This guy isn't human.

"It's going to be alright. Whatever happens."

That's the truth. These guys will always be my brothers. That will never change. It doesn't matter if we're in a band together or not. There will always be love between us all.

***

This must be it.

I notice a sign that reads Wired Records.

No, I've never heard of them before; I think they're only a small label. It's probably for the best. Once you get signed to a big label they try to control you. They want to change everything that your represent. We're not making that mistake again.

We walk through the main entrance and I'm instantly impressed. They might be a small record label, but don't let that fool you. They look as if they could rival some of the best labels out there.

As soon as we approach the reception desk, an older woman greets us.

She smiles at us. "Hi, welcome to Wired Records. Do you have an appointment?"

Ezra steps in. "Um, yeah, we're supposed to be meeting with a Marcus."

She looks at the computer and then glances back at us.

"You're Atomic Nights? I'm guessing. Marcus will see you in a few."

We sit down over in the waiting area and my legs begin to shake. Why is waiting always the most painful part? Ezra shakes his head at my shaking hands and trembling feet.

A man in his early fifties approaches us. He's in a grey suit and looks like he means business.

This must be him.

"You all must be Atomic Nights. My name is Marcus Johns, and I'm the president of Wired Records. It's a pleasure to finally meet you all. What I heard last week was pretty incredible."

Oh man, I hope he doesn't feel the sweat dripping from my hand as he shakes it. That would be embarrassing.

We follow him into his office, which is quite large considering this isn't a big building.

He clears his throat and takes a seat. "Like I was saying, your show was one of the greatest things I've seen in a while. But I want to hear more. Did you bring a demo?"

Ezra hands him the CD that we recorded a few days ago. Three of the songs on the demo are new songs I wrote recently.

Marcus heads over to the CD player and inserts the disk.

The boys and I glance over at each other. We're going to be in some serious trouble if he doesn't like it.

As the songs play, Marcus doesn't speak one word. His face is blank and expressionless. It's difficult to read his facial expressions right now.

This can't be good.

Wouldn't he be smiling if he liked it?

He should be showing us some emotion, shouldn't he?

The CD plays out and my heart drops.

Rejection is the worst thing anyone can go through. Especially when you have put your entire heart and soul into something.

When Marcus finally speaks, I freeze.

He narrows his eyes at us. "I like it," he says.

But...

"I mean, I fucking love it."

Maybe this isn't so bad. But then again, he could be messing us around.

"Um, thank you," Ezra says in shock.

"No, thank you. Everything I just heard was perfect. You boys really know how to play. But what really grabbed me was the songwriting."

Ezra gives me a nudge.

Marcus sits at his desk again. "The songs are believable. That's exactly what I want. I don't want to hear bullshit. Whoever wrote this thing must really be in deep."

Even Marcus can tell I'm whipped. Is it really that obvious? "It was Jaeger," Mike exclaims.

I don't ever get embarrassed, ever. My face right now couldn't get any redder.

"Which one of you is Jaeger?" Marcus asks.

I raise my hand like a naughty schoolboy who has gotten caught doing something bad.

"You, my friend, have talent. Not only in the way your songs are written. It's the way you capture emotion. Trust me, I hear a lot of music, and I've never heard anything like this. It's also the raspiness in your voice, it's raw and beautiful."

I turn to look at Ezra, Mike, and Paul to see them smiling from ear to ear.

It feels good knowing that someone who knows his shit likes what we do.

I've never been someone who is into self-validation, but knowing this makes me feel confident in what I do.

Whether or not he wants to sign us is a whole other question.

It's one thing to appreciate what someone has created; it's another to want to invest your time and money in them. It isn't about what sounds good, it's all about what can sell.

"So, do you think we've got a chance to get a deal?" Ezra asks Marcus.

Marcus looks at Ezra as if he's insane, then he laughs. "A chance? You boys have got the deal. I believe in Atomic Nights as a band, and I believe that together we can achieve great things. The choice is up to you. If you wanted to shop yourselves around to a bigger label, I wouldn't feel offended. You're destined for big things—the decision is all yours."

I never want to go back to a bigger label. Instant fame and success isn't worth all the drama.

"How about I leave you boys to talk it over for ten minutes?"

We all agree with him. We can't rush into this. If we're going to do this, we need to do it properly.

We wait until Marcus exits the room before we start discussing our options.

"So boys, what do you think?" Mike asks.

"I think we should do it," I suggest.

Ezra agrees with me. Paul, on the other hand looks doubtful. "If we sign with this label, it will take us forever to get noticed. I know we had all that drama with the last label, but it could be different next time. If Marcus likes our stuff, maybe a bigger label will too."

I understand what he's trying to say and all. We need to look past that bullshit though. Quick fame cannot co-exist with longevity. You can only have one and not the other.

"I get that, man. We can't go through all that shit again, though. Last time they tried to change us. I'm not going through that again," I say to Paul.

I'll never go through that again, it isn't worth it. I'd rather make music than become famous and make lots of money.

Paul looks down nervously. "I'm just scared, man."

I know Paul doesn't really want to sign with a big label. The fear of the unknown scares us all.

Ezra takes charge. "So, what are we going to do?"

I look around at the rest of the boys and they nod in unison.

It's settled and I couldn't feel any more relieved.

Marcus enters the room again. "Did we decide?" he asks.

"Yes, we want to sign," Ezra answers.

Marcus looks ecstatic. I think it's a positive that he looks so happy. It means that he believes in us.

He says he would let us know as soon as he has a contract drafted up.

The boys and I leave Wired Records with the biggest smiles on our faces.

Once we finish everything, the boys take me back to my apartment.

I grab my guitar and notebook as soon as I walk through the door.

I'm feeling inspired to write. There isn't a moment in the day when I'm not feeling inspired.

My mind even creates lyrics in my sleep.

After thirty minutes I have a verse and a chorus for a new song.

You are forever in my mind,

distance can never stop the way I feel about you.

The miles separate us, but it changes nothing.

You're still in my heart, and will always be there.

Can you hear it?

It is my heart beating.

I can't see you or feel you, but I hear your heart beating with mine.

It makes me feel stronger.

You make me a man.

The boys are going to give me hell about this new song. They should be used to the fact that Chloe is the main star of the majority of our new songs.

I wish I had her here with me.
Chapter Eleven

Chloe:

Receiving letters from Jaeger is the only thing that's keeping me sane in this place. It's the only contact I get with the outside world. It feels comforting to know that there's someone I can talk to out there.

I've been in here for over three weeks now and it does feel like I'm getting better.

Despite this, I'm feeling alone. I wish I could call Mom and talk to her.

Mom and Dad said that they didn't want to send me letters, as they would rather see me when I leave. I know this is hard for them to deal with, so I understand.

Jaeger has been updating me with all the happenings of his life, as well all the stuff going on with Atomic Nights. A few weeks ago he sent me a letter saying that the band got signed.

I can't be any more proud of him. I wish I was there to congratulate him in person.

He also sent me one of my favorite photos of us together. It was taken by Ezra when we were backstage at his show. It's a candid moment that I'll cherish forever.

I don't know what I would be doing if he wasn't sending me letters. They get me through.

Dot enters my room with another envelope in her hands.

She's beaming, as usual. "Someone's a lucky girl. You have another letter."

She's right, I am lucky. I don't know how I have someone so incredible as Jaeger in my life.

I smile at her. "I am pretty lucky."

"You're the only patient in the entire facility who gets letters. I hate to be nosy, but who are they from?" she quizzes.

Dot doesn't hate to be nosy, she loves it. That's why she's so great, though. She takes interest in each one of us.

"My boyfriend," I answer.

A smile widens on her face. "Is that right? Tell me about this boyfriend of yours."

"Well, his name is Jaeger. He's a musician and probably the most caring and understanding person I know. I can't work out why he still wants to be with me. I thought he would have left by now. He hasn't and I'm incredibly grateful."

Dot shakes her head. "You shouldn't be so critical of yourself, Chloe."

I guess I've always been critical of myself. Every model is self-critical. I can't even look at a billboard or photo of myself for five seconds without over-analyzing it.

At least I won't have to worry about that anymore.

"He does all this romantic stuff and then I feel like such a horrible girlfriend for putting him through all of this."

"Chloe, he would have ended it by now if he didn't want to be with you."

Dot hands me the envelope and leaves me to have some private time.

To my beautiful Chloe,

Yep, I am still missing you, more than ever, actually. I think about you every day and I cannot wait for the day I get to hold you again. Just remember that I won't be letting go of you the next time I have you in my arms.

I will never lose you again.

There's a lot happening with Atomic Nights. We have recorded half of our new album already. I can't wait for you to hear it and I hope you will love it.

I'm afraid, though. I don't want things to ever change between the band and myself. The label thinks that we have a real chance of making it big. I never want to forget who I am. It's so easy to get caught up in all the bullshit. I never want that to happen to any of us.

Miss you always,

Jaeger.

I know exactly what he's talking about.

Losing yourself to fame is so easy.

I know that because it happened to me. That's why I'm in here.

I got so caught up in all the artificial bullshit that I forgot who I was.

I thought I was indestructible. Everybody gave me the impression that reaching perfection was a capable goal. Now I know that nobody can be perfect. Perfection is something that doesn't exist. You can be the best person you can be, but you can never be perfect.

I lost all my friends when I became famous, which was my fault. I became friends with models and other celebrities and forgot about everyone else.

My new life could never compare to my old one growing up.

My celebrity friends were never there for me when I needed them. They were there for all the parties, not when times got tough. Not when I needed support and a shoulder to lean on.

If someone doesn't want to be there during your darkest moments, then they're not worth your energy.

At least I realize it now, even if it's a little too late.

All I can do is hope that one day my old friends will forgive me for being such a terrible person. Hopefully I can make amends for all the hurt I've caused them.

Same goes for my parents.

I've been a horrible daughter. Never did I ever find the time to call them or visit them when I had time off. Instead of visiting home, I would go on holidays with my friends to Ibiza or Miami.

It wasn't because I didn't miss home, because I did. Being here reminds me of why I love Georgia so much.

I can see myself moving here permanently one day. I could raise a family here just the way I grew up. I have so many good memories of growing up on my parent's farm. I miss the clean air and I miss the beautiful night sky.

Every night since being here I have wandered outside to admire the sky. It's the lack of pollution that gives it a marvelous glow.

New York could never deliver a star-filled sky like the one here.

I wonder if Jaeger will want to move here with me one day.

Alright, I don't want to jump too far ahead of myself. However, I do see a future with him. I know it sounds crazy, but I do believe that we could become something. If I fix myself, the possibilities are endless.

One step at a time.

I pin Jaeger's recent letter on my wall.

I retrieve my notepad and an envelope so I can reply back to him.

I always get so stuck with this part. In my head I have the perfect letter planned. Once I put pen to paper, I forget everything and it becomes a mess.

Dearest Jaeger,

I am still missing you.

Don't be afraid. You will never forget who you are. You are the most grounded person I know. The fame and lights don't faze you. You are all about the music. Never lose focus of what you want to achieve. There are people out there who will want to take you down the wrong path. Don't let them. Always stay true to yourself and the band.

I believe in you.

I can't wait to hear the new stuff. I'm sure it's amazing. I am proud of everything you create. I admire how much passion and love you have for your music. I have constantly listened to your CD in here and I could never get tired of it. Each time I play it I feel like you are right next to me. As crazy as it sounds, your music gets me through.

I feel like I'm getting better. I've only been in here for a few weeks and I already feel ready to take on the world. Yes, I'm still trying to sort through my issues. I'm not going to deny it. But I do believe that being in here has helped me to get myself in the right headspace. The doctors even said that if I keep on improving, I'll be able to leave earlier.

I hope so, anyway. All I want to do is see your face again.

All my love,

Chloe.

I place the letter in an envelope along with a Polaroid photo I took of myself pulling a silly face. I hope it can put a smile on his face too.

I feel bad that he's feeling stressed. I wish I could be with him to help him feel more at ease like a proper girlfriend should.

Tears begin to build in my eyes as I look at the photo of us I have pinned on my wall. It feels like I'm never going to get out of here. I want to see the world with him. I want to do everything with him.

Nothing is going to happen if I'm stuck in here.

The only positive is that the doctors said there is a good chance I could leave a month earlier if I keep on improving. I would leave right now if I had the choice; I don't think I'm ready, though.

This isn't a prison. I could leave anytime I want.

This place isn't so bad once you get used to it. Plus, I enjoy being away from the outside world. It's given me the chance to clear my mind and think about things.

I'm sure Maria is out there feeding the media lies. I can just imagine what all the gossip blogs are writing about me. I'm relieved Jaeger has refrained from telling me what they have been reporting. He knows it would only upset me more. I'd rather not know. Knowing won't change anything.

Nothing makes me angrier than the media reporting fake news based on information they got from a made-up source. Most of the time they use their imagination.

I have my first appointment of the day in an hour. I decide to kill some time in the dining hall.

When I say "kill some time," what I mean is that I'm going to eat up a storm for an entire hour.

I've eaten so much food in here that I'm expecting a bill for it when I leave.

I never thought I could enjoy food so much. Carbohydrates never tasted so good. I avoided all the tasty stuff all these years so I could keep my figure in check. Man, was I crazy?

My eating binge is interrupted when Kate enters the room.

She looks as frail has ever. It's hard to get my head around the fact that someone so young is in here. Young teenagers like her shouldn't be dealing with these issues.

From the looks of it, she's going through another rough patch.

"Good morning, Kate. I haven't seen you in a few days. I hope you're feeling okay."

She gives me a small smile. "I'm okay." Her voice is soft, as if she has little energy.

She doesn't look okay. If anyone says that they're feeling okay, they're lying to you. "Okay" is always the code word for "feeling terrible."

"Is there anything you want to talk about?" I ask her.

I wouldn't feel offended if she says no. If she needs space, I'll understand. I never want to talk to anyone when I'm feeling out of it.

Kate looks hesitant. She finally speaks. "I don't know," she says in a slight whisper.

This isn't good.

"You can tell me anything. I won't ever judge you."

I can't believe I'm offering her my help.

"I miss home," she finally gets out.

I can relate to that. Except, I'm an adult and she's only a child. The fifteen-year-old version of myself can really relate to what she's feeling right now.

I was thrown into the deep end when I was a teenager. I was pulled away from my family and friends and placed in the adult world of modelling. I tried so hard to look grown-up. What those fashion monsters forgot was that I still had the mentality of a child. No amount of makeup or grown-up clothes could hide that.

"That's okay that you miss home. You shouldn't feel bad about it. Technically, I'm home and I still miss it."

"I feel like this place is so isolating. We have doctors and stuff, but it's their job to care about us. I feel so alone."

She's right, this place is isolating. We're constantly talking about our problems, but I doubt these doctors go home thinking about us.  
Kate needs a friend.

Maybe I need a friend too.

"Well, if you ever need someone to talk to, I'm here."

"Thanks, Chloe. I might take you up on that offer," she says before heading off to her appointment.

That reminds me, I have a meeting with Dr. Adams in fifteen minutes.

I scoff as much food as I can before I depart the dining hall.

If there's anything I have learned about Dr. Adams, I will be sick later if I don't fill up on food now.

***

"Do you still want to take drugs, Chloe?" Dr. Adams asks.

Sometimes I still think about it. There's no hiding the fact that they used to make me feel good, but that changes when I weigh up the costs and benefits. Life without drugs wins.

When I was taking them frequently, I was alone, stuck in a high-pressure job, and I had a fictitious life.

Without drugs, I have an amazing boyfriend, a supportive family, and no pressure.

It doesn't take a genius to figure out which life wins. "Um, not really. Not as much as I did. I don't feel like I need them anymore."

"Good. How are you going to deal with the media pressure when you leave? You haven't disappeared off the face of the earth; people still know that you exist. How will you deal with all the rumors?"

This is some something I haven't thought about. I'm sure there are stories right now. Media pressure is always the thing that sends me off in a downward spiral.

If anything is going to make me relapse, it will be that.

"It scares me."

"That's healthy. In here, we shelter you from all that. We've had a lot of patients in this facility, but none of your high profile. The other patients in here don't have to worry about gossip blogs making up stories about them."

I feel sick thinking about what they're writing about. I wish I could be there to defend myself.

I wish I lived in a world like the one I live in here. Unfortunately, the world is a cruel place. I hope Jaeger is dealing with it okay. His main focus should be on the band, not on those damn blogs.

"You said your boyfriend is in an up-and-coming band. How do you think he's dealing with it? How do you think he feels about you being in here?"

How the hell am I supposed to know? I receive a one-page letter from him every five days. It's not like I'm on the phone to him ten hours a day.

I wish I was.

"I don't know. I guess he's fine with it. He knows I have to be in here if I'm going to get better."

"Do you think that your drama could be a challenge for his band? Do you fear that your bad press could harm them in anyway?"

I don't think the media are even aware that I have a boyfriend.

God forbid if they ever do find out. Jaeger might think he's prepared; he won't be, though. The press are tenacious. They will slaughter him if he isn't on his game.

"It's scary when you think about it. I haven't really considered it."

"Do you think he will leave you because of it?"

I hope not.

I can't lose the best thing that's ever happened to me.

He's making me think about all my biggest fears and I don't like it.

I don't want to think about a life without Jaeger, it's too painful.

"Maybe he will. I hope not. I really don't want to think about it."

"So you need him?"

"It's not that, I just hate to imagine my world without him."

"So you rely on him? It's great that you have a healthy relationship; however, I want to teach you to rely on yourself."

Dr. Adams doesn't think we're going to last. I don't want to focus on the negatives. Why think about that stuff? It only causes more panic and anxiety.

"I don't think I rely on him. He gives me strength. There's a massive difference between that and relying on him. If we ever break up, it would hurt. That's because I'm human. Life would go on, though."

"That's good to hear, Chloe. I'm not trying to prepare you for one month after you leave, I'm getting you ready for a lifetime. As much as we enjoy having you here, we would rather for your sake that you never come back."

The feeling is mutual.

I never want to come back here or another place like this. This is it for me.

"Have you thought about what you're going to do when you leave? I know you probably have enough money so that you don't have to work. I do think it would be a great idea if you looked for some employment. Just so you have something to focus your mind on. It would give you some goals to focus on."

That's another thing I've never considered. Maybe I need to start thinking about this stuff. I'll be out of here before I know it. I don't want to be unprepared.

"I'm not sure."

"How about going to college? It isn't too late. If you want to remain in New York, there are a few great ones there."

I've never thought about going to college; it was never in the game plan. When all my friends were writing out their college applications, I already had a full-time job that was making me a lot of money.

It doesn't mean I don't want to go.

Looking back, I would have rather gone to college than deal with all this.

"I guess I wouldn't mind going to college. I've never had the time, though."

"That's good. I'll make a note of it so we can look at some colleges closer to your departure."

I finally get to leave the room.

My appointments with Dr. Adams always make me feel like I've run a marathon.

They're also very depressing. His appointments always remind me of all the things I have failed to consider.

Let's be honest, I haven't planned my future. All I know is that I want Jaeger in there. Everything else is uncertain.

I'll work it out in time.

I retreat back to my room for a few moments of silence before I'm interrupted by a knock.

Kate enters.

"Hey, Chloe, I don't mean to interrupt but I was wondering if you wanted to hang out."

"Sure thing, Kate."

I can't say no to her. I enjoy my solitude and all, but she obviously needs someone to talk to right now.

I'm not going to neglect her like I did Fabrizio that night.

I could never live with myself if that happened again.

"Is that your boyfriend?" She asks as she points to the photo on my wall.

"Yes, his name is Jaeger."

"He's cute."

I laugh.

I'm sure she isn't the only girl that's crushing on my boyfriend. I can't be mad—the man is fine.

"He sure is. He's an awesome guy too. I would be lost without him."

"Cool. You two are going to make some hot-ass babies, you know that right?"

I don't want to think about that. I'm still a baby myself. I just want Jaeger and me to survive as a couple. I'm not planning our wedding or anything like that.

"We'll see. How about you, Kate, is there anyone special in your life?"

"No. I've never had a boyfriend before, or been with anyone actually. I think guys are scared of me."

I doubt it. She's absolutely gorgeous.

She's only sixteen and has plenty of time to find someone.

Kate has low self-esteem like all of us in here. She'll have the boys queuing up to be with her once she gets some confidence.

"I don't think they're scared of you. They're missing out big time if you ask me."

"That's easy for you to say, you're a supermodel."

Was a supermodel.

It doesn't mean that I'm some sort of expert. Guys never wanted to date me, they wanted the illusion. They used me so they could brag to all their friends that they were dating a supermodel. They wanted me to get them into all the parties. They wanted the life they thought I had.

Those sorts of relationships are worse than not having one at all. Jaeger is the first guy who has wanted all the parts of me. The good and the bad.

"I wish it was that easy."

"I don't mean this in a bad way, but I can't understand why you're here. If I had your money, man, I would be living on an island somewhere."

Most people struggle to understand why I'm here. They think money and fame gives you instant success and happiness.

Money and fame doesn't make you immune to everything other humans go through. When you think about it, it's harder for us. People in the public eye have more pressure on them to be perfect.

"Sorry, Chloe, I didn't mean to offend you. I've always wanted to live the supermodel life. I guess it's stupid to have wanted that, huh?"

I can't say it's been all bad. There's been some good times too.

I've been able to see the world. Plus, I wouldn't have been at that fancy restaurant with Fab that night I met Jaeger. Everything happens for a reason.

"There's good and bad points with everything. All we can do is hang on and hope it gets better for us."

That's exactly what I'm going to do.

I know everything will get better. All I need is time and patience.

Jaeger:

"Are you dating her or not?"

I've been in Marcus' office for over an hour, putting up with his bullshit questioning.

The media has finally got hold of the news that Chloe's in rehab.

I wish they hadn't found out, but deep down I knew it was eventually going to happen.

Most of what they're reporting is lies anyway.

One of the gossip blogs is reporting that she's in a mental institution because she was supposedly suicidal. Chloe's in a rehab facility, not an institution. The place is more like a retreat than a mental asylum.

They're all saying that she went in against her free will.

That's a lie too. Chloe went in on her own terms.

Her former manager and massive bitch, Maria, has been doing tell-all interviews constantly. I'm not sure what she's trying to achieve. She probably thinks that if she drags Chloe's name through the mud, it will save her own ass.

Karma will come back to bite Maria in her plastic ass. The truth will come out eventually. I'll make sure of it.

I'm glad Chloe isn't here to hear it all. If there's one thing she can't deal with, it's when people are talking smack about her.

Even though I've hated not being able to communicate with her via phone or any other technology, it's been for the best.

I would hate for her to be dealing with this shit when she should be focused on getting better. The last thing she needs is to deal with these assholes.

Unfortunately, the media has also got hold of news that Chloe has a new boyfriend.

Me.

And Marcus isn't happy.

Apparently it's bad press for the band or some shit like that.

"Yeah, I am, and I can't understand what the big problem is."

Seriously, what is the big deal? Marcus doesn't know her, and the media sure as hell don't know the real her, either.

"You know what this could do to the band, right? Chloe Jackson is dangerous. She's poison to Atomic Nights."

My fellow band members don't have a problem with her. Ezra had his doubts at first, but he's on Chloe's team now.

"You don't know what you're talking about, Marcus. Chloe is the best thing that's ever happened to me. If you knew her, you would think so too."

He looks doubtful. "I'm finding that hard to believe. She has a drug addiction, Jaeger. I've seen it before, that shit never goes away."

Chloe isn't just some drug addict because she likes to party or anything like that. She's the way she is because she has issues.

Issues that she is currently dealing with. Issues that she will hopefully resolve by the time she leaves that place. Issues I hope will never haunt her again.

"I'm sure you have seen a lot of shit, but you have no idea what Chloe's going through."

"I want to trust your judgment, Jaeger, I really do. The thing is, I have put a lot of my time in Atomic Nights. I don't want it all to go to waste just because of some girl."

"Not just some girl, Marcus, the girl."

"Wow, you really are in deep. As long as you keep on writing those songs about her, then there isn't a thing I can do about it. It's your life."

That's why he can't get too pissed. It's because of Chloe that we will have an album coming out.

The songs he loves the most are all inspired by Chloe.

She's my muse, my source of inspiration every day from the moment I wake up. I'm not physically in her presence and I still feel her with me all of the time.

If that isn't the real deal, I really don't know what is.

"How have you been doing with the songwriting, anyway? I'm hoping that we'll be able to release something to the public within the next month. The world is already getting familiar with you boys because of your endeavors."

That's the thing I don't want. I want our band to become famous on our own terms, not because I'm in a relationship with a supermodel.

"The songwriting is going good. I'm doing it every day. The boys are enjoying what I've been writing too."

"I don't want to tell you how to live your life, but I suggest that you only continue this relationship with this supermodel chick if you're serious about her. Atomic Nights is destined for big things, and I don't want any interruptions. Is that clear?"

"Yes, sir."

I leave Marcus' office fuming.

I'm serious about Chloe.

I would never break up with her for the band unless she was hurting one of the boys.

My relationship with her means much more to me than becoming rich and famous. Chloe has proved that the celebrity life isn't what it's cut out to be anyway. If becoming rich and famous means that I will have to lose the best thing that has ever happened to me, then it isn't worth it. I don't want it.

What's success if I have nobody to share all the happiness with?

Instead of heading back to my apartment, I go to Ezra's place.

I need some good ears and he's the perfect person for the job.

"Hey, man. You didn't say you were coming over. Is there something wrong?"

"Marcus called me into his office this morning."

"What? Why? He didn't say anything to me about a meeting."

"It was about Chloe. He's pissed that her drama could interrupt our progress."

"Well, that's kind of messed up. Everyone who knows you both realizes that you guys are perfect for each other. I wasn't Chloe's biggest fan when you first got together. That changed when I saw how happy she makes you. When I see you happy, it makes me happy."

The fact that I have Ezra's support makes me the happiest guy on Earth. The rest of the world could be against our relationship and it wouldn't matter as my best friend is on my side.

"Thanks Ezra, it means a lot."

He's more than my best friend. Ezra's like my brother.

"Just remember, people are always going to hate. You can't let them control what you do. If you're happy, fuck the world."

That's all I needed to hear.

"How is Chloe anyway? I read some shit online that I doubt is true. It must be hard for you guys."

Who hasn't read the news about Chloe? In the last 24 hours, the news has exploded. I've had to turn my phone off, as everyone keeps on texting me shit.

"Yeah, it's all lies. I wish there was a way to shut them all off. It's impossible, though."

"You two have been writing letters, haven't you? Does she sound like she's doing okay?'

"I think she's okay. Last time she wrote to me she said that she feels like she's getting better. That's a good sign, I think."

It's hard to tell, as I can only go on her words. I can't hear the trembling sound of her voice when she gets in those anxious moods. I can't see her eyes full of panic.

I don't think she's in some sort of crisis. She would tell me if she was. I don't know what she's really feeling and she doesn't know what I'm feeling. That's where it gets difficult. Being so far away from each other is tough.

Her letters give me comfort, but it isn't enough. I want her here with me.

Soon I will have her back. When I do, I won't be letting go.

"I don't know how you guys make it work. I wouldn't know what to do if I was with someone and I wasn't able to see them. It would drive me crazy."

It drives me crazy too. I just deal with it.

It doesn't mean I'm okay with it. As much as I hate that she's gone, it's in her best interest that she's there. It's probably in my best interests too. I'm not sure I would be able to handle it if she broke down again.

"It's the reason I've been writing so much again. It keeps me sane. It's the only way I express all my emotions and feelings."

"I'm not complaining, man. You've created some of our best stuff yet."

"I can't even believe how good it is."

It's true. I never believed it was possible for me to write like this, ever.

"Are you going to that party tonight? Marcus is throwing some party that I really can't be bothered going to. I'm in, if you are."

I'm in no party mood. I can't remember the last time I wanted to go to a party. I usually want to go get wasted because something has upset me. Recently, I've been feeling good so that hasn't been necessary.

"Not really, dude. Are Mike and Paul going?"

"They are."

"I guess we don't have a choice."

"I guess we don't, unfortunately."

Mike and Paul love a party more than anybody, so they will be in their element tonight.

Ezra has never been one to go out and get trashed. He's always been the one making us anti-hangover smoothies in the morning when we're wrecked.

I used to love parties.

Parties were always the best way to find girls. I don't need to do that anymore though. Those days are long gone.

"Are you afraid of what Mike and Paul might become if we ever do make it?" Ezra asks, catching me off guard.

He makes a valid point.

Mike and Paul have always been consumed with becoming famous. They were the same when we were signed last time. If it were up to them, we would have changed our sound to indie rock to please the label.

I love them like brothers, but I do fear what they could become.

"I don't want to admit it, but I kind of do."

"I feel like a few years ago you would have lost control with all the glitz and glamor, but recently you have changed my mind, dude. You're different now. The other two still concern me."

"I hope it doesn't happen with any one of us. That's the shit that breaks bands up. We all have to stick together and keep our eyes on the prize."

"It's not going to be easy. There's going to be temptation everywhere. I hope we'll all be able to handle it. It would suck if we screwed it up because of something stupid."

It will have to be our job to make sure the other boys stay in line.

I have a feeling it isn't going to be an easy task.

I'm prepared for any challenge if it means protecting my brothers.

***

This place is insane.

For someone who runs a small label, Marcus has a big house.

Big is an understatement.

This place is fucking huge.

And for someone in his fifties, he's doing well for himself in the lady department. These girls here are young enough to be his daughters.

The little brunette sitting on his lap right now looks like she's still in her teens.

It's kind of messed up when you think about it. It's obvious these girls are all after one thing. Marcus doesn't care. He seems to be enjoying himself.

As predicted, Mike and Paul love it. Paul's tongue has been down the throat of some blonde for some time now. Mike is feeling up some girl that looks like the other girl's sister.

All these girls here look the same. I can't see the appeal in any of them. None of them are as fine as my Chloe.

Some redhead in a skimpy bikini has been eying me up all night.

I'm definitely not interested.

Girls like that used to interest me, but not anymore.

"She wants you, dude," says Ezra beside me.

"Shut up, Ezra. You know there's no way in hell I would get with her. Why don't you hook up with her, smartass?"

"She isn't my type, dude."

What even is Ezra's type? He never goes on dates and he never shows interest in anybody. I've known him since we were kids and I can't remember him ever being with anyone.

Before I could notice, the redhead has made her way beside me.

"Hey, gorgeous," she purrs in my ear.

"Hi."

I'm not giving her anything. I don't care how hot she thinks she is.

"I've been watching you all night and I thought I would come and say hi."

She's done that. Now she can leave.

I ignore her by turning my head.

"Maybe I wanted to say more than just hi." She moves her hand onto my thigh.

"Have you met my buddy, Ezra? He might want to say more than hello."

Ezra raises his hands in defense. "She's all yours, Jaeger."

He's messing with me. He knows that there's only one girl I have eyes for.

"Yeah, Jaeger, I'm all yours," she purrs again.

"Nothing against you, but I'm not interested. I already have a girl in my life who rocks my world."

"Oh come on, baby, I know you want me. Your girl will never know."

"I'm flattered, but I'm not really interested. I'm sure you would be able to find someone around here who is, though."

She crosses her arms. "I don't want them, I want you."

She won't back down.

"I would appreciate if you took your hands off of me. How many times do I need to tell you that I already have a girlfriend?"

"Fine, you're no fun anyway. You'd probably be a lousy fuck too," she says before storming off.

I don't care where she goes, as long as it's far away from me.

"She was evil, dude. I seriously thought she was going to maul you right here," says Ezra.

I thought she was going to as well.

I look over at Mike and Paul to see that the redhead has wandered over to their area. She isn't alone, though. There's at least another eight girls there with her, trying to get their attention.

My worst fear is coming true. We haven't released any music yet and the boys are already for falling for this groupie stuff.

"Boys, aren't you two having fun? There are plenty of girls to go around," shouts Marcus over the thumping music.

"We're good, man," Ezra shouts back.

"Wanna get out of here?" he asks me.

"Lets go."

We don't get a chance to say goodbye to Paul or Mike, as they are too preoccupied with other activities to notice that we are leaving.

"Dude, that party was so messed up," I say to Ezra as soon as we're inside his car.

"I thought we were at the Playboy mansion for a while."

Marcus would make a great Hugh Hefner when you think about it.

"What was with that redhead chick? You should have hooked up with her, you're single," I suggest to Ezra.

"She wasn't my type."

"What even is your type?"

The car has gone quiet and Ezra's looking into the distance. He looks like he's deep in thought.

"Dude?"

"I'm gay, Jaeger, I'm into guys. I thought you would have realized that by now."

What?

"Since when, man?"

"I don't know, dude. Forever, maybe."

I'm speechless. I've known Ezra since we were kids and I've never suspected a thing.

"I bet you look at me different now, huh?"

"Never, dude. You're my best friend. I couldn't care less who you liked or what the fuck you liked. All that matters to me is that you're happy."

I've never seen him look so relieved.

As if I could ever hate my best friend because he's gay.

"Have you told anyone else?"

"Nope, you're the first person to find out. Mom and Dad will probably flip when I tell them. You seriously don't care?"

"No, dude. As long as you don't have a thing for me, we're cool. This right here is for Chloe's eyes only," I joke.

"Chloe has nothing to worry about. I love you like a brother and all, but there are definitely no feelings there, man."

We have a laugh.

I can't imagine how hard it would've been for him to conceal it for all these years. I feel bad for trying to set him up with all those girls in high school.

"You were the person who I was most scared to tell. I thought that if I told you I would lose my brother."

"It would take a lot more than you being gay for us not to be brothers anymore."

"Well that's a relief. It actually feels good to finally tell someone."

I give him a quick man-hug once we reach my apartment.

I couldn't be more proud of my best friend.
Chapter Twelve

Chloe:

"Welcome to week five, Chloe! Time to wake up," Dot calls out from the doorframe.

I wish I had a lock on that thing.

"No," I grumble.

"Come on, Chloe. I have some mail for you."

I was up as soon as I heard her say "mail."

Still in my pajamas, I rush to the door to see Dot standing there with an envelope.

I reach for it.

She pulls it further away from me.

"Please, Dot."

"No, we need to have a chat first."

I already know she's going to make this really difficult.

"You skipped some appointments yesterday."

The appointments I missed were group therapy ones. The last thing I want to do is talk about my problems with the other girls. I can handle one-on-one chats. Group chats would be a nightmare.

"I don't find a point to them."

"The purpose of group sessions is so you can connect to your peers. You all have the same problems, even if each one of you is unique."

I have been connecting to my peers.

Kate and I have become good friends. She gets to leave this week, which makes me really sad.

She deserves it, though. You wouldn't even recognize her since her last breakdown a few weeks ago. We have both benefited from having each other in here. She has helped me remember what it's like to be normal again.

I can't wait to have a normal life again when I leave. One where I can walk down the street, or go to the grocery store without being hounded.

Unfortunately, it might be a few years until the media leaves me alone and finds someone else to bother.

Like Dr. Adams has said previously, I haven't disappeared off the face of the Earth.

"I don't want to do group sessions, Dot."

"Why?

"They scare me."

"Why do they scare you, Chloe?"

"What happens if I reveal too much and one of the girls sells it to the press?"

I can't trust anybody.

Telling my problems to the doctors was a challenge at first. At least doctors are forced to remain confidential. The patients in here aren't bound by anything.

"Chloe, part of the method of removing you from your celebrity life is having you relate to girls that are similar to you. It's great that you and Kate have become good friends, but you need to be more open and trusting with everyone else."

I do understand what she's saying.

The other girls in here have all become friends with one another while I have isolated myself from them.

"I get it, Dot. I find it terrifying talking about my problems in front of so many people."

"I want you to attend one today. I guarantee it won't be as bad as you think. In fact, you'll be surprised. Let me remind you that receiving letters from your boyfriend is a privilege. We could easily throw them in the trash. If you attend today, we won't have to do that. Do you understand?"  
Dot has gone tough.

"If I go to the appointment, will I get the letter from Jaeger?"

"Yes."

It looks as if I don't have a choice. There's no way I will risk losing a letter from my boyfriend because of some appointment.

How bad could these things be anyway?

I have fifteen minutes to get my ass to this appointment.

This group session is going to make me more upset, if anything. It's going to be difficult to listen to the other patients talk about their problems and struggles.

I suck up my pride and head downstairs to this meeting.

"Well, nice of you to join us today. How about you introduce yourself to everyone," says Dr. Evans as soon as I walk through the door.

"Um, hi everyone, my name is Chloe. I've been here for around five weeks now."

"Chloe, tell everyone why you are here at the facility."

"I have an addiction."

I look around the circle to see everyone staring at me. I shoot them a nervous smile.

Dr. Evans mentions that this is a circle of trust. Apparently, anything I say in this room will not be revealed outside of it or held against me.

It's difficult to believe him, though.

How does he really know that the girls will actually follow this rule? I've learned to never trust anybody.

Everyone goes around the circle and talks about what they're going through. Some of the girls talk about their battles with anorexia, while others deal with self-harm, depression, anxiety, and other mental illnesses.

Okay, maybe I judged these girls a little too harshly.

Maybe they won't go running their mouths to the press. Listening to their stories reminds me that these girls are people too.

We're all going through hard times.

"Chloe, it's your turn."

"Well, I've been taking prescription medication for over five years. I've been really good in here and I can't see why I will ever go back to them. The only thing that could lead me to them again is if the pressure gets too much again. There isn't any pressure in here, so I feel good right now."

"And what will you do if the pressure gets heavy when you leave?" Dr. Evans asks.

I'm supposed to answer that in front of all these people?

Shit.

"I'm not sure. Hopefully I won't go back to pills and alcohol."

My turn is now over and it's time for the next girl to talk.

That wasn't too bad. I guess it's good to get out what I'm thinking. It didn't look like any of the girls were judging me.

I find Dot outside of the room as soon as the session ends, with an envelope in her hands.

"How did it go?" she asks.

"I think it was alright. You weren't lying when you said that it wasn't going to be scary."

"That's fantastic. You can now have this."

I grab it off her before she has time to pass it.

"Always remember that these letters are a privilege. We can stop you from receiving them at any time if you break our rules. Don't ever forget that, Chloe."

'Yes, Dot."

I rush back to my room in record speed. Each time I open up one of his letters I get nervous. Who knows what could be written inside this closed white envelope?

I take a deep breath and tear it open.

Dear Chloe,

Things have been amazing with the band. I can't wait for you to see and hear all the great things we have been creating. Paul and Mike are getting all caught up in the partying, and Ezra is still trying to keep everyone in line. Ezra revealed some pretty big news to me the other night.

I'm sure he will tell you once you get out.

I spoke to your folks the other day as well. They miss you a lot. I think your dad still hates me, but he seems to be warming up to me a bit. They invited me to spend a few days with them in Georgia. I had to decline, as things with the band are getting busy. Your Mom was devastated ;)

Our album will be coming out soon. I wanted you to be here for the launch, but the label has other plans and wants to release it soon.

There's so much I can't wait to experience with you once you get out.

Keep on remaining strong, we all believe in you. Everyday I count down the days left until I get to see your beautiful face again.

I love you,

Jaeger.

It says it right there.

I love you.

Does he mean it?

Do I feel the same way?

My head's a complete mess of fluttering emotions.

He wouldn't have written it if he didn't mean it.

I think I feel the same way. He's my first thought when I wake up every morning, and the last thing I think about when I go to bed.

I can't imagine ever feeling this way about anyone else again. No one can ever compare to Jaeger. He's perfect in every single way. Can you love someone even if you're away from them?

I believe you can.

The emotional connection is stronger as your love is constantly on your mind. When you're away from your love, you spend all your time thinking about them.

Like Jaeger said the last time I saw him, we're like arctic foxes. Our love will always be there, even if we're apart.

I reach for my pen and prepare to spill my heart out to him.

This will be the hardest letter I've written to him yet.

Jaeger:

I risked it all in my last letter to Chloe.

I finally admitted something I've never said to any other girl I've dated.

This envelope in my hands could provide the answer to the question I have burning in my mind.

Does she love me back?

I slowly rip it open and pull the letter out.

To my dearest Jaeger,

I love you too.

There, I said it. I'm not afraid of feeling this way anymore. I can't work out how it's even possible for me to feel this way about anyone. I wouldn't trade it for anything in the world.

I have some really good news too. The doctors said that I will be leaving in exactly two months. It's a month earlier than they anticipated, but they think I'm ready. I am not complaining. I want to get out of here as soon as I can.

Mark it in your diary: August 5th.

I want you here.

I am sorry I won't be there for your album launch. I am so incredibly proud of everything you do. You're so passionate about music that I am sure the album is going sound insanely good. Refrain from sending me a copy. I don't want to listen to it in here. It's going to be hard, as I will be dying to see what you have written.

In 2 months, 60 days, and 1440 hours I will be in your arms again.

All my love,

Chloe.

I look at the words over and over again.

I love you too.

This can't be real. How can she love me?

I look over her words, and they're still there.

I had to prevent myself from jumping in the air and fist pumping as soon as I read those words.

From the moment I placed my last letter in the mailbox, I've been a pile of nerves. I've spent the last week contemplating whether I made the correct choice telling her.

"Come on, man, stop looking at that piece of paper so we can finish writing this thing," calls out Mike.

It isn't just a piece of paper. This paper is the deed to Chloe's heart. I don't care how lame that sounds.

"Shut up, Mike."

I place the letter in a box with the rest of the letters and head back to the boys who are lounging around my sofa.

"Did Chloe send you another letter?" Ezra asks as soon as I sit down.

They're going to give me so much shit now, I can feel it.

"Yes."

"Why did it look like you were about to start dancing around in excitement when you were reading it?" Ezra asks again.

There's no way I'm telling them what was in that letter. They will never know what we write to each other. That's only for us to know.

"I don't know what you're talking about, Ezra."

"Sure you don't," he says as he raises his eyebrows.

I shake my head at him and return my attention to the other two.

"So, we have seven confirmed tracks that we've already recorded. Marcus said he wants us to have twelve, with two of them being bonus tracks."

"Are they about your girlfriend?" Paul interrupts.

Who else would they be about? It's not like Mike and Paul are dating anyone. I think it's going to be some time until we see them each settle down to one girl. Ezra hasn't found anyone yet, as he still hasn't fully come out yet. He still needs to tell Paul and Mike, as well as his parents. He's telling his parents this weekend, which should be interesting. I said I would go with him for support. He's going to need it.

If I know anything about Ezra's parents, they're going to be pissed off. I can't work out why. Who seriously gives a fuck if he's into dudes?

"Not all the songs are about Chloe, if you must know. There are two that don't mention her. But yes, the rest are."

"Maybe she's pregnant from all the freaky spiritual shit. Like all your songs have created a baby from afar," Paul says.

What the fuck? He has to be high.

"On a scale from one to ten, how high are you right now, Paul?" I ask him.

"I don't know, man, maybe like a gazillion."

That's Paul for you. Forever stupid and high on weed.

"I swear to Baby Jesus, Paul, if you don't slow down on that shit, we're going to send you to that place where Chloe is," Ezra says to him.

"That's cool. I wouldn't mind spending time with a supermodel. Hey, you never know, she might change her mind and fall in love with me instead. Who wants the lead singer when she can have the bassist? I'm the total package."

I'm one inch away from punching him directly in the nose if he doesn't shut up soon.

"Hey, maybe she'll get sick of you when she gets out of that place. You'll piss her off and then she'll break up with you. It's alright, I'll be waiting on the sidelines anyway so I can bag that shit."

This time I do punch him.

Straight through the middle.

I don't care how high he is, he's never to speak about Chloe like she's some piece of ass.

I ignore him and the boys for some time out.

I retreat to my room and close the door.

I'm not sure how to feel right now.

I punched one of my best friends.

He deserved it. He shouldn't be talking about any girl like that.

I'm interrupted by a knock on my door.

Paul walks in and sits beside me.

"Hey, man. I'm sorry for being a dick. I disrespected your girlfriend and your relationship, and I'm sorry. I know you really miss her and all, and I shouldn't have stirred you up like that."

"Thanks, Paul. I appreciate it."

"I mean it, Jaeger. You know how I get. Please don't think I'll ever go for Chloe. She's all yours. She's gorgeous and all, but she belongs to you. I was only having fun. I'm not going to touch her."

That's where he's wrong.

Chloe doesn't belong to me.

I belong to her.

Paul and I head back out to sit with Ezra and Mike again.

"Have we all kissed and made up?" Mike asks.

"Kissed? Nah man, I'm not gay," Paul laughs.

Ezra's face freezes.

Paul's having one interesting night, that's for sure. All the weed he smoked is acting as a truth serum.

"And would it matter if someone was gay?" Ezra asks him.

"Yeah it would, I'm into girls. Plus I don't want some guy hitting on me. That's messed up and disgusting."

Paul better be careful or else he's about to get a black eye.

Ezra looks like he wants to kill him. He won't touch him though. Ezra doesn't have it in him. Ezra's forever calm, no matter the situation.

"Why do you look so pissed off, Ez? You know someone who is into dudes? Let me guess, it's Jaeger. I bet Chloe is just a beard."

Oh, shit.

Maybe Ezra does have a little aggression in him.

"I'm gay, asshole," Ezra yells back to him.

Mike's beer spills out of his hand.

"What do you mean, Ezra?"

"What being gay means, asshole. I like dudes, and I really don't give a fuck anymore."

I'm so proud of this guy that the smile on my face couldn't get any larger.

"Since when?" Mike asks.

"Does it matter? He's still the same Ezra, nothing has changed. He likes guys, so what," I say to Mike.

"Jaeger already knew, didn't he?" Paul asks Ezra.

"Yes."

After Mike and Paul get their head around Ezra's news, we return to drinking. We've had enough drama for one night. We don't even return to talking about band stuff.

Instead it's just beers and video games for the rest of the night.

Just like it used to be.

***

"Are you sure you want to do this with me?" Ezra asks.

"One hundred percent, man."

We're on our way back to New Jersey to have lunch with Ezra's parents. To say that they're religious is an understatement. Ezra's dad's a preacher and strict when it comes to anything to do with religion. It doesn't matter how many times I try to ensure Ezra that everything's going to go down smoothly; we both know that today's going to be disaster.

They're going to flip.

That's why I'm here.

His folks are going to make him feel shitty about himself and I can't let that happen. He shouldn't be made to feel bad about who he is.

Even before we pull up to his old house, they're waiting outside, waving hysterically.

"Ezra, it's been too long. You don't visit us anymore," his mom says as she kisses him.

"Sorry, Mom. I've been busy with all the stuff going on with the band."

"Well hello, Jaeger, it's good to see you. You just keep on getting more handsome with age."

I cringe.

It's creepy. I've known Mrs. Peterson since I was a baby.

"Um, thanks, Mrs. Peterson."

Ezra's Dad gives us both a handshake, man-style. Thankfully, he isn't into hugs like Mrs. Peterson.

We follow them inside to see a massive banquet sitting on the dining table.

I really hope Ezra holds off breaking the news until we've finished eating. There's no way I want to miss out on any of this. No one cooks as well as Mrs. Peterson.

"I also have lemon cheesecake sitting in the fridge for dessert."

If Ezra knows what's best for him, he will wait until after dessert.

Mr. Peterson says grace.

The rumbling sounds of my stomach are hinting that it won't be able to survive until the end of grace. It needs food now.

As soon as he finishes, I head straight for the roast pork and sauce.

"Wow, Jaeger sure is hungry," I hear Mrs. Peterson say.

Fuck yeah, I am.

No matter how much I love to cook, my cooking will never be as good as this.

"Mom and Dad, I need to tell you something."

Not now Ezra, I only got started.

I eat as much pork as I can before Ezra says another word.

"What is it, Ezra?" Mrs. Peterson asks.

"I know you both are going to be extremely shocked, but it's time you found out. Mom and Dad, I'm gay."

"What do you mean?" Mrs. Peterson asks.

Did she seriously just ask that? I doubt she wants Ezra to go into specifics.

"You're gay with him?" Mr. Peterson points at me.

"No, Dad, Jaeger has a girlfriend. He's here for support."

"Well, I don't care. I don't support your activities, son. It's unnatural and goes against everything we believe in."

I thought Christians were supposed to be about acceptance, kindness, and respect. I feel like saying something to Mr. Peterson, but I'm not going argue against his ignorance. There's no point.

"Come on, Ezra, let's go, man."

Mrs. Peterson still looks shocked, and Mr. Peterson has his hands on his head.

Ezra looks destroyed.

I think part of him hoped that they would be accepting. Deep down, he knew this would happen.

"Thanks, Jaeger."

"It's alright, man."

I will always have Ezra's back. Nothing will ever change that.
Chapter Thirteen

2 Months Later

Chloe:

Today's the day I've been waiting three months for.

I'm finally going home.

It's hard to believe that I've been in here for this long.

Most of all, I can't believe that I'm still in here. If I were anything like the old Chloe, I would've given up by now.

In the last three months I've become a much stronger person then I was originally.

I feel like I'm ready to conquer the world. I never thought I could ever get to this point.

"Are you excited, Chloe? Today's the big day," Dot asks.

She's carrying a single cupcake in her hands. I really hope this thing is for me.

"I got you something to celebrate," she says as she passes over the heavenly-looking passionfruit cupcake.

"Thanks, Dot."

"Do you think Jaeger will come today?" I ask her.

He never wrote back saying that he's definitely going to come. Yes, I've received letters from him since I gave him the date I was to leave, but he hasn't said anything about being here today.

"I don't know, Chloe."

"Has he called the facility?"

She has a smirk on her face. "I can't tell you that, Chloe, it's confidential information."

Oh, come on. She knows that I'm nervous about this. Can't she just reassure me that he will be here? It will allow me to breathe for the next couple of hours until it's time to go.

"Please, Dot?"

"No. Get ready. You still need to finish packing, plus there's still a couple of formalities you need to complete before you leave."

Dot leaves me to finish the cupcake and get ready.

Today's the first day since being here that I'm putting some effort into my appearance. Every day in here I have worn lazy gym clothes and tied my hair in a top bun.

Not today, though.

There's a good chance that my man is coming, so I need to impress him.

I have gained a bit of weight since he last saw me. Even though it's only one dress size, I hope it doesn't bother him. I don't think it should. Jaeger has never seemed to be into the super-skinny look anyway. I haven't gone through a drastic change. I have moved up from a four to a six. I actually prefer it. Being model thin was starting to take its toll.

I retrieve my sunflower sundress from my closet. Thankfully, it still fits.

I also plug in my hair curler.

Hopefully I remember how to use this thing. It's been a while.

"Wow Chloe, you look absolutely stunning," Dot says behind me.

"Thanks, Dot."

"I came back up here to check how you're doing. You were supposed to be downstairs half an hour ago, but now I can see why you're running a bit late. No pressure, just come down when you're ready."

"I'm ready now. I'll pack up all my junk and I'll meet you down there in a few minutes."

"Sure thing, Chloe."

Once I finish packing my suitcases, I walk downstairs to see Dot standing there with Dr. Adams.

"Good morning, Chloe. Congratulations on your final day. You've been a wonderful patient here and we're very proud of everything you have achieved."

"Thanks, doc."

"We still need to have a chat about a few things—nothing too serious, so don't worry."

All my chats with Dr. Adams have been terrifying and invasive, so this will be interesting.

"Even though it's your last day at the facility, we expect you to attend weekly meetings with a counselor for a minimum of a year. You might feel okay now, but you will still get moments where you might need someone to talk to."

He's right.

I would be kidding myself if I thought leaving here meant the end of all my treatments. Yes, I've improved. I need to be able to maintain this good health for a lifetime.

"Also, a few months ago we discussed the idea of you going to college. I have some booklets from universities in New York. I highly suggest that you look at attending one of them. It will be excellent for your mind to have something to focus on."

The idea of going to college freaks me out a bit. It would be interesting, though, so I won't rule out going yet.

"Thank you to both of you for all your support, you have been amazing. I don't think I could have done it without you. It used to drive me crazy having to answer all your nosy questions, but I'm so thankful that you took a genuine interest me."

"No, thank you, Chloe. We've loved having you here, but we would love nothing more than to never see you again. Maybe come for a visit, but we don't want you back as a patient."

"Don't worry, Dot, the feeling is mutual."

"Are you ready?" she asks me.

I think I am.

I've been mentally preparing myself for this for months.

"I hope so."

"You'll be fine, Chloe. Follow me, some people are here to collect you."

I try to catch my breath, but it's impossible. My heart is beating uncontrollably. The only thing that will make me calm again is if I see Jaeger standing out there.

My heart rate becomes more rapid with every step.

I don't think I can do this.

I can't go out there and face him.

Before I have time to fully get out of the door, Mom launches herself at me.

"Hey, Mom."

"Oh my goodness, sweetie, look at you, you look absolutely amazing."

"Thanks, Mom."

Yes, there are times when she annoys the hell out of me. I still love her more than this world and I am not sure where I would be without her and Dad's support.

"How was it?" she asks me.

"As good as being in rehab could ever be."

"Come on, sweetheart, let go of her. I want to see my daughter too," Dad says to Mom.

"Hey, Dad."

"Hey, sweetie. Your mother and I are incredibly proud of you for sticking it out." I notice a few tears in Dad's eyes.

I'm too caught up in the moment to realize that someone's missing.

Jaeger.

I look around every corner of the room and I can't see him anywhere.

This can't be happening.

"What's wrong, sweetie?" Mom asks me.

"Jaeger isn't here," I finally get out.

"Clearly, Chloe," Mom replies.

Wow, that was harsh.

The only thing that explains Jaeger's absence is that he probably had a fight with my parents and they banned him from coming today.

It makes sense.

I feel absolutely gutted.

"Lets go, Chloe, we have a surprise for you waiting outside."

"Okay, Dad."

I have no idea what this surprise could be, but what I do know is that there isn't a thing I want apart from my man.

I go to push my suitcases, but Dad stops me from doing so.

He takes them off me. "It's okay, I've got it."

I give Dot one last hug before I follow Mom and Dad outside. It's going to be difficult to not see Dot's smiling face every day.

It's only once I'm halfway down the path that I notice him standing there.

I can't move.

I feel the tears as they fill my eyes.

He has to be a mirage, an object of my imagination.

He's moving closer to me.

"Sweetheart," the mirage calls out.

"Jaeger?"

I'm no longer frozen.

I run towards him. I need to touch him to see if he's real.

He throws his arms around me once I reach him and lifts me off the ground. I wrap my arms around his neck, pressing my weight against him.

"Fuck, I've missed you so much, sweetheart. I can't believe this is happening right now."

"You're real?"

"Of course I'm real. Did you forget what I looked like?"

So he isn't a mirage?

This is real.

My boyfriend is standing right in front of me and I'm in his arms. I can't imagine anywhere else I would rather be right now.

"I could never forget you, Jaeger." I squeeze him more tightly. "I thought I was never going to see you again."

It felt that way, anyway. I spent days dreaming of one day touching him again. It got to a point where I thought it was all in my head.

He faces me again. "Hey, do you think your folks will get pissed off if I kissed you right now? I can't handle it anymore, I'm going to lose control."

"You can..."

Jaeger doesn't let me finish. He rushes his lips against mine instead.

I've missed this. I've longed what it would feel like to kiss his lips again.

This still doesn't feel real. I'm waiting for Dot to barge into my room to awaken me from this blissful dream.

"Wow."

I turn to see Mom beaming with a large smile spread across her face and Dad looking at the ground, embarrassed.

"Are you two ready? You both have a flight to catch, remember, Jaeger?" Mom calls out.

"Yes, Julie," Jaeger replies back.

I guess this means Jaeger and I are returning back to New York. I'm not sure I can say I'm excited about going back. I'm terrified, if anything. I've spent the last few months isolated from the craziness; it almost feels like I'm going to dive back into the deep end.

"Are we going back to New York?" I ask Jaeger.

"Yes, sweetheart."

Damn it.

I secretly hoped that we could escape somewhere before returning home.

"Don't be afraid, sweetheart, I'm here. I'm always going to be here. You're not going to face New York alone, I promise you," Jaeger reassures me.

I believe him.

Going back home is frightening, I will admit it. If Jaeger's by my side, maybe everything will be okay. At least I hope so.

Mom and Dad help Jaeger and me with my luggage. With the number of suitcases I have, it looks like I've been on a holiday around the world and back.

"This is it," Mom announces as she gives us both a giant bear hug. I don't want to say goodbye to my parents yet. This isn't fair.

"Thanks, Mom."

Dad also gives us both quick hugs and wishes us luck. That's the first time I have witnessed Jaeger and Dad act amiably with one another. Hopefully this means that they have worked out their differences.

"You look after her, son." Dad mutters to Jaeger.

Son?

I never thought I would see the day when Dad would finally accept Jaeger. Jaeger and Dad are the two most important men in my life, so it means the world to me that they are finally getting along.

"I promise you, Donald."

Jaeger is on first-name basis with Dad too?

Maybe I am stuck in a dream.

I blow Mom and Dad one last kiss before Jaeger and I head towards the terminal.

Hand in hand, Jaeger and I walk towards our new life together. There isn't a thing that excites and scares me more.

Jaeger:

It's only once we're 34,000 feet in the sky that it hits me.

She's mine again.

She's dozed off in a nap, making cute little snores. I can't help but smile. I probably look creepy right now for staring, but I can't help it, she's too beautiful.

Her eyes begin to flutter.

"Good afternoon, sweetheart. How was your nap?"

She flashes me a slow smile. "Good afternoon, my love, my nap was incredible. How long until we land?"

"Around forty minutes, I believe," I say as I take hold of her hand.

In around forty minutes we will be pulled away from life in the clouds to the reality that is the craziness of our lives.

A lot has changed since Chloe has left. If she thinks that the press are going to completely leave her alone because she's been in hiding for the last few months, she's very wrong. Atomic Nights are now in the public eye. We're not some small, unknown alternative band playing small bars anymore.

I don't want to scare Chloe, so I won't mention it.

I'm curious to see how she's going to deal with the flashing lights again.

Whatever happens, I'll hold her hand every step of the way.

The plane makes its descent into the airport. I see a glimpse of terror on Chloe's face. I don't know if it's because she is scared of what's going to happen when we arrive or if she's a terrible flyer.

"Are you okay, Chloe?"

"Yeah, landings just scare me a little."

I can't make the landing any smoother—that's out of my control—but I can help calm her down.

As the plane lowers itself to the ground, I wrap my arm around her. She leans into me and I notice her panic decreases.

I wish I knew the secret to getting rid of her pain.

***

We make our exit out of the airport once we collect our bags.

As soon as we walk out, we are welcomed by a rampage of camera flashes and shouting.

I turn towards Chloe; she's in shock. They have caught her off guard.

Shit.

I take her hand in mine and guide her through the traffic of paparazzi and reporters.

"Where have you been, Chloe? ... Are you still suicidal? ... What drugs were you taking? ... Are you pregnant?"

Their questions are like bullets. They're flying at us from all directions and we're barely dodging around them.

Chloe is expressionless with her head down. Ignoring their questions, I direct her to our driver.

"Chloe, over here sweetheart, this is where our driver is."

"Thank God," she murmurs.

Once we're inside the driver's vehicle, I hear Chloe let out a deep breath. She glances back with eyes full of tears.

"I can't do this, Jaeger. This is too much. I have to go back to Georgia." Chloe's voice is full of fear.

She's panicking. Bad things happen when Chloe panics.

My hands take hold of her face. "Everything is going to be okay, sweetheart. I won't let anything bad happen to you. As long as I'm here with you on this earth, I will never let anything happen to you. I love you," I gently whisper.

I can't let anything happen to her. I don't ever want to imagine what life would be like without her in my life. It isn't an option.

"Life will be easier if I go live on a farm in Georgia."

"No, Chloe, you're wrong. Life is easier when we're together. When we're apart, we are strong. But when we're together, we're indestructible."

I notice that her panic-stricken face replaces itself with a smile. "How do you do it, Jaeger? All it takes for me to feel better is your words. You promise that we're in this together?"

"I never break my promises, sweetheart. I will do anything to make you happy."

That's the moment she moves closer. I know what she's about to do, but I hesitate. Not because I don't want her; I want her to take control.

She does exactly that.

With fire burning through her eyes she takes hold of my lips.

I could never get sick of the taste of her mouth. Never have I encountered lips as sweet as hers.

Our make-out session is interrupted by the driver. "Mr. Colton, we're here at your apartment," he announces sheepishly. He isn't the only one who is feeling embarrassed. Chloe's cheeks are painted a rosy color.

Cute.

I retrieve Chloe's bags and tip the driver before he leaves us at the curb of my apartment building.

I notice Chloe eying her surroundings, as if she's taking in the streets of New York for the first time. "Is everything okay?" I ask her.

"Yes, I'm fine. It feels weird, kinda like I never left. I think I missed New York."

"Well, sweetheart, New York missed you."

"You think?"

"Yep. But I missed you more."

She smiles at my lame attempt at using a line on her.

"You know we're past the whole using lines things, Jaeger? You've got me, you have had me since that very first day we met inside that restaurant. I'm yours," she says with passion raging through her eyes once again.

Without saying another word, I whisk her up to my apartment.

We hardly make it to my bedroom before we're both undressed. We do the things I have dreamt about doing together for months. Making love to Chloe doesn't feel real. I feel undeserving of this beautiful woman.

How is she mine?

She could have anyone on this damn planet. But here she is with me.

Kissing me.

Touching me.

Feeling me.

Moments like this will never feel real.

Making love to Chloe will never feel real.

Chapter Fourteen

Chloe:

Is it still evening?

I awake to see that Jaeger has dozed off beside me. Even though he's snoring, he has a peaceful look on his face, as if he's smiling.

I'm awake and can't stop smiling.

Jaeger begins to wake up. "Hey there, sweetheart, how long have you been up?" he mumbles in a scratchy voice. Still with one eyed closed, he looks back at me with a smile matching mine.

I've been awake for over an hour now, staring at how beautiful he looks when he's sleeping, trying to work out what those tattoos down his sleeve mean, and how someone so perfect would want anything to do with me.

I don't tell him that, though.

"I've been awake for only a little bit. What's the time, anyway?"

Jaeger glances at his watch. "Shit, it's only 11:00 p.m. I seriously thought it was the next morning. It feels like we've been asleep for two days. I guess you wore me out, sweetheart," he says, shooting me that cocky grin I love so much.

"Not fair Jaeger, I'm pretty sure that was all your doing."

"Let's not worry about that now, sweetheart. I bet you're hungry. I can't let my woman go hungry."

"I'm kind of hungry. But honestly, I just feel like lying in bed for a little while, if you don't mind." I move closer to him. I forgot what it was like to have warmth lying beside me. I want to enjoy this moment for a little while more.

"Anything for you." He wraps his arms around me, cradling me into the warmth of his hard chest.

For the next hour Jaeger whispers sweet nothings to me. Each word causes a vibration down my spine. His words bring me warmth. I close my eyes and listen carefully to him. I don't feel alone anymore. He gives me happiness I didn't think I would ever experience. Every time he says "I love you" feels as if he's saying it for the first time.

How did I get so damn lucky?

***

Jaeger cooking is an incredible sight.

Jaeger cooking naked is heaven.

At first I suggested that he's absolutely nuts for wanting to work in the kitchen without clothes on. What happens if he burns himself, or if a knife accidentally stabs him? Plus, I'm pretty sure that cooking naked is very unsanitary.

He insisted that it's his apartment, and we need to abide by his rules.

I didn't argue. I can't complain about my view right now.

I feel like I need a photo of this.

"What are you staring at, sweetheart?"

He knows exactly what I'm looking at.

I don't reply. I have no words. I just keep on eying up my badass, naked boyfriend.

"You didn't answer my question."

"You know what I'm staring at."

"I want to hear it come from your mouth," he says with eager eyes. Eyes that look just as hungry as my rumbling stomach.

"I'm looking at you, Jaeger."

"We have a problem, Chloe. I can't be naked alone. You need to join me."

Say what?

Being naked under a comforter in the dark is one thing, but being completely unclothed in a fully lit kitchen is another.

My body has changed since the last time I was here in New York. I've gained a dress size and I'm still adjusting to the changes. Maybe Jaeger preferred me when I was much thinner. I don't want to put my body on full display for him to analyze.

"No Jaeger, I can't."

He shakes his head at me. "Of course you can, sweetheart. Don't be shy. I'm your boyfriend, remember?"

"I know I look different now. I'm not the same as I was before," I say, looking down.

"Is that that what you're worried about? Chloe, listen to me," he says as he takes hold of my shoulders. "Sweetheart, I don't care that you are an extra size. You're more gorgeous than you have ever been. Do you know why? It's because you're happy. I rather that you've your sexy curves anyway."

It might be a strange sight to have a completely naked man embracing you when you're fully clothed; however, I can't help but love this man. I pull away from his hold and look at him devilishly.

He knows what I'm about to do.

Item by item, I remove them from my body until I am matching his level of nakedness. I stand in front of him with my hands on my hips, grinning. I look down at Jaeger's midsection and raise my eyebrows.

"Babe, don't bring the fire if you can't handle the heat," I say as I walk back up to him and place a kiss on his cheek.

"I can bring the heat, sweetheart, trust me. Only if you can handle it," Jaeger says in a low voice eagerly.

I turn to the stove and notice that Jaeger's noodles are about to catch on fire.

"You brought the heat alright," I say, gesturing to the kitchen.

"Shit."

While I stay in the dining area chuckling, Jaeger runs to the stove and takes the pot off the heat. Luckily, the noodles have escaped from being burnt, so dinner is still in the cards.

He pulls out two plates and dishes for both of us. I retrieve the plates and take them to the couch while Jaeger grabs the beer.

I have to admit, this night can't get any better. Not only am I naked in my boyfriend's apartment, I'm having a home-cooked meal and a beer. This is the life.

Jaeger returns with the beer and takes a seat beside me.

I feel guilty.

I haven't asked him about Atomic Nights yet. I really am an awful girlfriend. I look back at him. He's shovelling through his noodles.

"What's the matter, sweetheart? You don't like the food?"

"No babe, the food is delicious. I feel like we haven't had a chance to talk yet, that's all."

I can see the relief on his face when I say that there is nothing wrong with the food. It's the truth, this guy is a culinary superstar.

"I know, today's been crazy. What did you want to talk about?" he asks me.

"You."

"Me?"

I nod.

"What do you want to know?"

"I want to know about everything you've been doing since I've been away. How's Atomic Nights?"

I have a fair idea from the letters he sent me when I was in rehab. From looking around, I see that Jaeger has a lot of flashy new things in the apartment.

He must be doing well.

"We're doing really well," he says, trying to act modest. The new furniture and gizmos around his place are indicating more than doing just well. He realizes I notice all the new stuff in his apartment.

Jaeger chuckles. "Alright, we're killing it right now. We have a song in the top twenty of the Billboard singles chart, we're playing a couple of shows, and the album is getting a lot of hype."

That's what I wanted to hear.

I can't be more proud of him.

"That's so amazing. I'm so proud of you. You deserve the world, Jaeger."

He smiles when I tell him of my pride. I can see he's holding something back.

I remove the chopsticks from his hand and take hold of it. I look at him, but he is struggling to look back at me. "What's the matter, babe?" I ask.

"I'm scared, Chloe. The press we've been receiving has been out of control. I did an interview the other day and it was the weirdest thing ever. I mean, they were asking me questions and I felt like I was in a haze. It's cool that we've been successful. I just hate doing all the press stuff."

I know too well what he's going through. I had to deal with it every day of my life when I was a model.

"It's gonna be okay. You're strong, Jaeger. Just don't let them control you. Once that happens, you will go damn insane. Always be on your game."

He nods and squeezes my hand back.

We spend the rest of the night talking about absolutely everything.

We discuss my plans for the future. I mention that I want to look at going to college, and he's supportive. All the things I've struggled to talk about with therapists in the past few months have been easy with Jaeger.

Talking is the best way to ease the pain and fear.

It's something I have learned the hard way.

It's something I'm still learning every day.

Jaeger:

What a way to wake up.

I'm on the sofa naked with my girl in my arms.

Nice.

Last night seems like a dream.

Just to talk about everything on my mind has lifted the weight off my shoulders. I've been holding back from telling the boys how I've been feeling, even Ezra. I don't want them to think that I'm chickening out on the band. I could never do that.

Chloe begins to wake up. I greet her with a kiss on her forehead. She looks back up at me with a smile. I could never get sick of that look.

"Good morning, sweetheart."

"Did we really just fall asleep on your sofa last night, naked? Thank you for grabbing a blanket, we would have woken up as Eskimos without it."

I don't even remember falling asleep. One moment we were talking, the next we were cuddled up on the sofa. Chloe fell asleep first. I didn't want to wake her because she looked too peaceful to be disturbed. I'm not going to lie. I did enjoy the feeling of having her lying on me.

"I'm not complaining, sweetheart. That was probably the best sleep I've had in months."

If there's one thing I learned last night, it's that I don't want to go another night without Chloe in my arms.

I can't exactly ask her to move in with me, it's probably too soon for that. I just got her back, I don't want to freak her out. Causing Chloe to freak out causes more damage than good.

We get up from the sofa and I make Chloe breakfast. I would've liked to go to culinary school if I wasn't in a band. Who knows, maybe one day I will. I'm not ruling it out. It's important to always keep my options open.

After Chloe eats breakfast, she goes to have a shower. As much as I wanted to join her, I think it's best that she shower alone. I don't want to smother her. She needs time to get her head around everything.

I have distracted her from checking her phone or any of the blogs so far. When she was away, the temptation of checking them was taken away from her, as the rehab facility banned her from using technology. Nothing is stopping her anymore.

The fact is, they're still writing about her. All I want to do is make it stop.

Even several months after everything that happened with her former agency, they're still trying to destroy her reputation. I'm sure Maria is behind all the fabricated stories. I don't want to scare Chloe by telling her.

I don't even have time to take in the sight of Chloe looking ethereal as she exits my bedroom in a white sundress, when I notice a phone in her hand and tears in her eyes.

She stops midway in the hallway. I run towards her and take her in my arms. "Chloe, sweetheart, what's wrong?"

I know what's wrong.

She checked those damn blogs.

"I shouldn't have looked, Jaeger, but I was curious. Why do they still care about what I'm doing?"

I remember the words Chloe said to me last night. "Sweetheart, don't let them control you. There isn't a bullshit story out there that could prevent me from loving you. You're not going to lose me."

She needs to realise that these stories the blogs are running aren't going to change anything. My feelings aren't determined by what TMZ is reporting.

She looks up at me. Her eyes are glowing with hope. "Promise?" she whispers.

I kiss her forehead. "Promise."

"Why is Maria still trying to destroy me?"

That's something I can't answer. What I do know is that I need to make it stop. I can't let Maria get away with what she did. This woman ruins the lives of all her models on her books with her illegal practices.

"I don't know, Chloe. We need to make it stop, though."

She shakes her head. "Jaeger, there isn't anything we can do. She's in control of everything. That's how it is, there's no escaping her. That's never going to change."

An idea hits me. It's crazy, but I think it just might work.

"Chloe, when Maria used to give you pills, whose name was it on the prescription label?"

Her eyes shift to the side, as if she is thinking. She looks back at me. "Her name," she slowly gets out. "Why do you need to know?"

"If we can prove that she's involved in illegal activities, we can stop her. Sweetheart, we both know that what she's doing is wrong. She can't be giving you drugs that aren't prescribed to you. All we need is evidence of what she's doing, which we already have."

It's time Maria gets a taste of her own medicine.

"Then what do we do, Jaeger? Go to the police?" She looks at me, still in fear. She has nothing to be afraid of. I'm not going to let these people hurt her ever again.

Before I speak, I look at her closely. Her lip is still trembling and the pupils in her eyes are still dilated as if she's in fight-or-flight mode. She needs to understand that she has nothing to be afraid of anymore.

I finally speak. "We could do that, or we could do what she did to you: destroy her in the public eye. She ruined your reputation, Chloe. Everyone thinks you're some suicidal, pill-popping, party girl who has it all. You don't deserve that. They should know you as the feisty country girl who made it big through hard work."

Before I have time to react, she launches at me.

Her kisses are fast, yet full of determination. After spending minutes devouring her mouth, I remember that I'm still naked, so I pull away. If I don't stop myself now, we're going to be here for a while.

The moment I withdraw myself from her mouth, Chloe groans with disappointment. "Jaeger, what are you doing? I don't want to stop," she says, drawing herself closer to me again.

Why is she making this so difficult? Her eyes drift down to the middle area of my body. She looks back up to me, smiling, with a knowing look that she is aware that my body still wants this to continue. I pull away again. "No, Chloe, I'm having a shower."

She flashes me a cheeky smile. "A hot or cold one?" she asks as she raises one eyebrow.

"Sweetheart, I think you already know."

Her eyes drift down to my body again.

As I walk away, I hear her voice. "Have fun," she calls out.

I will.

She shouldn't have any doubts about that.
Chapter Fifteen

Chloe:

When Jaeger suggested that we destroy Maria's reputation, I freaked out. It's not going to be easy. She has some of the best public relations people working at Amaze Model Management. They could easily flip the story around and say that I'm lying and bitter about what happened. They could say that I stole the pills from her. The possibilities are endless for those PR masterminds.

Luckily, Jaeger said it's something we don't have to worry about right now. Today's all about spending time with one another. I need some time away from this so I can spend time with my man.

After at least half an hour, Jaeger returns from his shower.

"Wow, I thought I was going to have to send a search party in there."

"Luckily you didn't, sweetheart. I had to relieve a situation, a few times actually."

I would've willingly helped him if he let me.

I get up from the sofa and walk towards him. "I apologize for being the cause of your situation," I whisper as I make circles on his arm.

He steps back.

"Whoa, sweetheart. Are you trying to cause another situation to happen?"

Really? That easy? Man, I would hate to be a dude.

"Okay, I'll behave. What are we doing today? I want to have some fun before we move on to "operation destroy Maria."

"I got a text from Ezra, he wants to see you. Would you mind if we met up with him? We wouldn't have to stay all day, then we can have the day to ourselves," he rambles.

Why is he so nervous about this? Of course I want to spend time with Ezra. Okay, maybe Ezra was cold to me before I left. I'm sure he had his reasons. It was probably because he was trying to protect his best friend. That's something I have to respect.

Jaeger's eagerly waiting for a reply. "Of course I want to see him." His face is flushing with relief. "If it makes you feel any better, he doesn't hate you anymore."

That's good to know.

Even though it's something we never discuss, I honestly think that Ezra is the closest thing Jaeger has to family. I can't have someone who means the world to Jaeger against me; our relationship wouldn't work.

Before we leave for Ezra's place, I circle around Jaeger's apartment, making sure everywhere is spotless and clean, despite his reluctance.

I need to teach this man a thing or two about tidiness.

***

Now this is how a man should live.

I hope Jaeger is taking mental notes right now.

From the moment I walked in here, I noticed that Ezra's apartment is so tidy that I can't see one speck of dust.

I'm impressed.

Ezra surprises me by jumping at me with a hug, as if we're long-lost friends. I return his hug with just as much enthusiasm. "Hey, Chloe, it's good to see you again. Especially because this guy has been acting like a lost puppy for a few months," he says, gesturing to Jaeger.

Jaeger is red-faced. "Not fair, buddy. I was missing my woman," he says, taking me into his arms.

Ezra raises his eyebrows. "I think the term 'missing' is the biggest understatement of the year." He continues, changing his voice as if he is reading a poem, "Chloe, he was longing for your touch..." he's interrupted by an elbow to the head by Jaeger. "Dude. My words are the truth," he says, rubbing the back of his head.

Jaeger laughs. "Ezra here has a creative imagination," he says to me. I notice Ezra rolling his eyes.

"Oh, whatever, Jaeger."

I stand there watching these boys interact with each other. It makes me happy that Jaeger has found a brother in Ezra. Despite their teasing and bickering, they do care for one another more than anyone can comprehend.

We move out of Ezra's doorway and head to his sofa. He leaves Jaeger and me there while he returns with two beers for him and Jaeger, and lemonade for me. Unlike these rock stars here, I'm on my best behavior.

It feels weird that just a few months ago, these boys were virtually unknown. I love that despite their recent success, they're still acting like they were before I left.

Jaeger retrieves his beer, and takes a sip. "So, how did that thing go with your parents?" He asks Ezra. I politely watch the boys talk about some family wedding Ezra had to attend.

"They're still pissed about me coming out," I hear Ezra say.

Did I hear him correctly? I almost choked on my lemonade. Jaeger mentioned in a letter he sent me that Ezra had news. He never revealed what the news was. While I try to regain composure, Jaeger interrupts my coughing fit.

"Are you alright, sweetheart?" I sense humor in his voice.

I clear my throat. "I'm okay. I thought I heard Ezra say something, that's all. I was probably imagining it. Sorry for interrupting."

Ezra raises his eyebrows. "You mean the part I said about coming out? No, you weren't imagining that Chloe, I really did come out. Didn't Jaeger tell you?" he asks, his eyes drifting over to Jaeger, who is sitting beside me.

"It wasn't my news to tell, dude," Jaeger replies.

I can't help but smile. Jaeger really is a good friend. Whereas some guys would be grossed out by their friend coming out, Jaeger isn't. I love to see that he's been so supportive.

Ezra still looks nervous. He probably thinks I'm disgusted after my little choking incident. I'm shocked, that's all. I couldn't be any happier for the guy. Ezra seems speechless. "Sorry for acting so surprised. I never suspected it, that's all. I think it's awesome that you're being honest, Ezra. You deserve to be happy."

Thankfully, he looks relieved. "So you're not disgusted?" he asks me.

Seriously? There are assholes out there that would feel that?

"No, Ezra," I say, getting up and sitting next to him. I put an arm around his shoulder. I can see Jaeger smiling as I comfort Ezra. "Of course I'm not disgusted. I'm so happy for you. You do remember I used to work in fashion, right?"

He lifts his hands in protest. "Whoa, stereotype much?" he jokes.

"Yeah, sweetheart. Don't you start getting ideas for a new shopping buddy," I hear Jaeger calling out.

"Yeah, Chloe. Don't get any ideas. I don't shop," Ezra adds. He continues, "So we're all good, Chloe?"

This guy is crazy. "Of course, Ezra. As long as you keep your eyes away from my sexy boyfriend, we'll be good." I try to sound threatening, but I end up laughing instead.

"Don't worry, Chloe, your boyfriend is safe," Ezra declares.

We spend the rest of the afternoon at Ezra's apartment. The time flies as the boys share stories about their adventures the last few months with Atomic Nights. There isn't a time I feel awkward or left out. I enjoy watching Jaeger and Ezra joke around.

It makes me happy to see him so happy.

***

Jaeger's plan to have a "Maria-free day" was shortlived. I know the reason he wants to bring her down is because he cares about me. Don't get me wrong, I want to seek payback too. I just don't want to cause trouble. I know what damage she's capable of causing.

Jaeger seems to think he has control of the situation. I'm not sure I can be convinced so easily.

Jaeger is typing away on his laptop. "Chloe, trust me, it will work."

He has no idea how powerful that agency is.

He notices me pacing around in circles. He moves his laptop to the side and walks towards me. He places his hands on my shoulders to stop me from moving around. I begin to feel panic rushing through me. Still silent, he moves his hands from my shoulders and wraps them around me, drawing me closer.

"Sweetheart, if you don't want me to fix this for you, tell me now and I will stop," he whispers.

He pulls away and looks directly at me. His eyes are piercing through me. "Chloe, all I want to do is protect you, that's all. I've seen what they've done to you, and it hurts me so much. If you think you can block her out so she doesn't affect you anymore, let me know, and I won't do this."

I need to think.

Perhaps I should trust Jaeger with this.

He makes a point. As long as Maria holds all the power, she will continue to stop me from moving on with my life.

"Okay, Jaeger, let's do it." I mean it. I need to take control.

Jaeger explains his plan.

Using a fake email, he's going to message bloggers and media outlets a tip-off about Maria's activities. Hopefully the media outlets will leak the story and therefore destroy her reputation. She needs to know what it feels like to have her name dragged through the mud.

"Are you sure this is going to work?" I ask him.

He looks away from the screen. "I hope so, sweetheart. Even if it doesn't, don't forget that I'll be here for you regardless. We'll come up with another way to beat these monsters."

Once he is finished sending anonymous emails, he switches off his laptop. "Stop looking so nervous. Everything will be okay."

I move closer to him. "I trust you, Jaeger." I place a hand on his cheek and gently caress his skin. There's something about the way he's staring at me that's telling me he doesn't believe me.

I do trust him.

At least I think do.

His stare is still lingering, as if he's waiting for me to speak. His eyebrows are displaying a slight frown. How do I make him feel at ease? How can I convince him that I do trust him?

After we spend a moment looking fixedly at one another, he breaks our silence. Jaeger shakes his head. "Sweetheart, I don't think you trust me."

I look away.

Maybe he's right.

We've spent the last four months away from one another. It still doesn't feel real that we're reunited again. I have spent the last eight years fending for myself, so I have no idea how to pass on this trust to another person.

This is all new for me.

Jaeger looks hurt and it pains me. "Babe, I do trust you. You need to give me time. I'm not used to this whole dating thing. I've never loved anyone more than I love you. You need to believe me," I say urgently.

I can't lose Jaeger because of this.

He clears his throat. "Sweetheart, I've never doubted your love for me. I know these feelings I have for you aren't one-sided. The only thing I doubt is your trust for me. You need to stop holding back. I'm not going to hurt you. For some reason I can't work out, you try and create this barrier around you. You isolate yourself, thinking you can solve things by ignoring them. How can you love me, when you show little confidence in me?"

His words sting, mostly because he's right. How can I truly love him if I prevent myself from giving him my all? Jaeger isn't like all these other assholes that have used me over the years for my status. He doesn't love me because I was a model. He remained by my side even when the whole world turned their backs. He risks the reputation of his band to be with me, knowing the bad press I receive.

He trusts me.

Now it's my turn to trust him.

Jaeger:

I'll give Chloe some credit. She's trying.

I know she trusts me to some degree. It's obvious she's holding back from fully trusting me. I know it all comes down to how she's lived her life for several years.

I hold my stare. "Chloe, what do I have to do make sure you can trust me?"

Her face is full of undeniable guilt. "I don't know, Jaeger. I don't know." Her eyes begin to water up. Part of me feels bad for putting so much pressure on her. I knew going into this relationship that it was never going to be easy.

I wipe away her tears. "I'm sorry, sweetheart."

She blinks rapidly. "Are you breaking up with me?"

I grab hold of her hand. "Sweetheart, no, I'm not breaking up with you right now. We can't continue being like this. If there's no trust in this relationship, then we can't continue it. I mean it, Chloe. You need to let me in."

"I will try, Jaeger. For us, I'll do anything."

I hope she means it.

What I said was the truth. Right now, I will let her get away with it. We're still getting used to being together again; I need to give her the benefit of the doubt. However, if she continues to hold herself back, we can't be together. She can't keep her feelings and emotions to herself anymore, that isn't how a relationship works. We deal with everything together.

That's why she gets one more chance.

One more chance to prove that she believes in me. That she trusts me to always be there for her, even when everyone else leaves her.

"Thank you, Jaeger, for having faith in me. I will return that same belief, I promise." Her voice is still raspy from the tears.

I can give her time—not much time, though. Just enough for her to prove her trust in me.

Otherwise, it's over.

***

Ever since our heart-to-heart conversation, Chloe has distanced herself.

We're lying together on my sofa. Chloe is peacefully asleep on my lap. Before she fell asleep, something was off about her, as if our conversation earlier got to her. She was trying to act normal, but she wasn't convincing me. She might have gotten away with pretending all these years, but with me, it's not going to work.

She isn't modelling anymore. There's no need to pretend.

I look down at her, watching her as she makes little snores.

I'm trying hard to be her rock. I can't be there for her if she won't let me.

Chloe begins to open her eyes. She lets out a slight yawn. "Sorry for sleeping on you, Jaeger. I didn't realize how tired I was."

I brush the side of her cheek carefully. "You don't need to apologize for that, Chloe." She smiles up at me. It doesn't matter how much it frustrates me that she holds back, that smile will always do crazy things to my insides.

Hell, I would do whatever it takes to keep that smile permanently on her face. All she has to do is name it and I will do it.

The fact of the matter is, I do love her. Despite everything, she's the only woman I could ever love.

Chloe remains lying on my lap. I begin to play with her hair, twirling it around my fingers. "Have you heard back from the bloggers you emailed?" she asks me.

Shit. I almost forgot about that.

"I'm not sure, sweetheart, I haven't checked."

She lifts herself off my lap so I can retrieve my laptop. As soon as I find it, I head back to the sofa and open the screen. Chloe's eyes eagerly watch the screen as I type the web addresses of gossip blogs I emailed.

Why is this taking so long? Aren't Google searches supposed to take four seconds or something like that?

The page loads and Chloe and I gape at the headlines.

We've done it. This is really happening.

All the blogs are reporting the tip-off I sent them.

I glance over at Chloe to get a hint of what she's feeling right now. She's an enigma who's difficult to figure out. I can't work out if she's full of shock or relief. Her eyes haven't moved from the screen.

I take hold of her hand. "Chloe, are you okay?"

Almost breathlessly, she answers. "I don't know, Jaeger. I'm not sure how to feel. It's bittersweet. She is finally getting what she deserves, but it doesn't take away all the hurt I've had for the last few years."

I get what she means.

The pain will never go away. It doesn't matter how much karma bites Maria in the ass, it will never make Chloe's problems go away.

Chloe finally removes her eyes from the laptop screen. I close it and face her. At last, she shows some emotion. Her lips slowly flash a smile. "Thank you, Jaeger."

"You don't need to thank me, sweetheart. All I want to do is make you happy. I can't take away all the pain these people have caused you. I can prevent them from doing it again, though."

Passion and desire is flushing through her eyes. She moves closer and takes my mouth in hers. Her eyes remain open, lingering towards mine. She kisses me desperately. She takes control and I let her.

Gasping for breath, she pulls away.

"How does that always feel amazing?" she asks.

"How many times do we have to go through this, sweetheart? It's my skills. You find them irresistible," I joke.

She playfully hits my shoulder. "We really need to take that confidence of yours down a few levels."

Not possible.

Ever since looking at the headlines, her mood has changed. It's as if the weight of the world is off her shoulders.

Like she mentioned earlier, it isn't going to fix anything. "So sweetheart, what's the plan now? What are you going to do with your life?"

Part of moving on from everything that happened includes building a new future. Starting fresh.

"Well, when I was in rehab, I thought about the idea of maybe going to college," she says slowly as if she is unsure.

I think it's a great idea.

"What do you want to study?"

"I want to do something where I get to help people, so I was thinking nursing. It's a stupid idea, I know."

Stupid idea? I think Chloe would be a fantastic nurse. Yeah, she probably doesn't need to work another day in her life with all her earnings. It's not about that, though. Going to college will give Chloe some goals in her life, something to look forward to.

I shake my head. "It's not a crazy idea. I think you would make a fantastic nurse. You need to do this, I really believe that." I move closer to her. "Plus, you would be one sexy nurse."

She's the one smirking now.

The truth is, I couldn't care less what she wants to do. If it makes her happy, it will make me happy. As long as she keeps away from becoming a model again, I'll be supportive of whatever she chooses to do.

We don't need to ride that rollercoaster again.
Chapter Sixteen

Chloe:

I feel confused.

At this moment I should be celebrating. The man I love just brought down the monster that destroyed me.

It doesn't feel like I should be celebrating. The feeling is bittersweet.

Now that Maria has been taken down, I need to start moving on and planning for my future.

I'm not lying to Jaeger. I want to go to college. Am I good enough to get in? That's a whole other challenge. I mean, I don't need to go; I have enough money saved up that it should be able to last me.

Like my doctors have mentioned, moving on isn't about finding a job that's going to make me loads of money; it's about distracting me from straying again.

Jaeger is asleep next to me. I have tried to convince him that I'm feeling okay about everything; however, he seems doubtful. Unlike anyone else I've ever met, he sees right through me.

Usually it's easy to sleep when his arms are wrapped around me. All I have to do is fall into his hold and I drift off fast asleep. Last night was different. As the hours ticked over, I found myself watching the clock, hoping I would fall asleep soon.

It didn't happen.

Instead, I spent the entire night thinking.

Thinking about Jaeger. Thinking about Maria. Thinking about my future.

All I want is for things to be easy. They were once, when I didn't let anything get to me. I was living blissfully in my own ignorance.

Now all I do is think. I want it to stop. I wish I could snap my fingers and make everything okay again.

What entails okay?

Is it being a model again that will make everything normal? Having my fancy life back with all the glitz and glamor? I'm not sure. That's what I have considered "normal" for a long time now.

I notice my phone buzzing beside me on Jaeger's side table. It's a number I don't recognize.

Jaeger starts to mumble something that sounds like "turn it off." He's still in deep sleep mode, so I carefully slip out of his hold, exit his bedroom and take my still-buzzing phone into the kitchen.

I hesitate before I press the button to accept the call.

This could be anyone.

I slide the accept button. 'Hello?" The other side of the line is still quiet.

"Um, hello. Is this Chloe Jackson?" They ask. It's the voice of a man. Please don't let this be someone from the press.

"Why?"

I hear him clear his throat. "My name is Jamie Miller, I run an agency called Icon Models here in New York." I have never met him before; I do know who he is, though. Icon Models is one of New York's top modelling agencies.

"I know who you are, Jamie. What do you want?" I ask impatiently.

"I just wanted to tell you that we've heard about Maria, and we want to send our sympathy for what happened during your time at Amaze." That's why he wanted to call? I don't think so. He continues, "We were wondering if you were interested in accepting an offer here at Icon Models? We would love to help you start fresh."

He's offering me a modelling contract?

I'm speechless.

Before I can say something, Jamie speaks. "It will be a good opportunity for you to show the world that you're back. We'll help you become the supermodel that you were before Maria destroyed you.

He continues to ramble on, trying to sell his deal to me.

I don't know what to do.

I interrupt him. "Look Jamie, I need to think about this. I don't know what I want to do. I need to time to work my head out."

"Okay, Chloe. I will give you 48 hours to make your decision. After that, our offer is off the table. Goodbye, Chloe." I don't say goodbye, I just hang up.

I turn around to see Jaeger standing in his bedroom hallway. He looks concerned. "Who was that?" he asks.

"I don't know. Some random person," I lie.

I have no other choice but to lie to him. If he knew whom I had just spoken to, he would flip. I need time to work this out in my head before I discuss it with him.

Jaeger walks towards me. "It wasn't the press hassling you?" He says, wrapping his arms around me. I lean my head on his shoulder. "No. No it wasn't, just some random."

I hate this.

I hate lying to him.

***

I spend the rest of the day lounging around in Jaeger's apartment. He had some interview and performance to do with the rest of the boys in Atomic Nights.

I weigh up my options.

Going to college means I'll have something to strive for. I'll be able to make some sort of contribution to this world. It will take me away from being in the public eye to being somewhat normal.

If I take the modelling deal, it means I can have my old life back. Icon Models can help transform my image so I can go back to how I was. My second chance at modelling could be different from the first, especially if Jamie remains true to his promises.

I need to talk to Mom. Mom always knows the best decision to make.

Just as I'm about to call her, Jaeger storms into his apartment.

He looks pissed.

As soon as he spots me on the sofa, he storms up to me. I've never seen him so angry.

"When were you going to tell me, Chloe? Did you think I wasn't going to find out?" he yells.

What's he talking about? "What do you mean, Jaeger?"

He rolls his eyes. "Don't play dumb, Chloe. When were you going to tell me that you accepted a new modelling contract with some other agency?" he asks furiously.

"I haven't accepted any deal." I'm telling the truth. All right, maybe I've been thinking about accepting, but I haven't made up my mind yet.

How does he know about Jamie's deal anyway?

Jaeger refuses to sit down. "There I was doing an interview with the band, and then the interviewer asked me about my thoughts on you signing with Icon Models. What the fuck, Chloe?"

Jamie must have leaked the story to the press. If every news outlet is reporting it, he knows I won't have any choice but to say yes. It's a sneaky move.

I stand up and place my hands on his waist. Jaeger shrugs them off coldly. "Jaeger, you have to believe me. It isn't true. Jamie from Icon Models called me this morning, that's all. I didn't accept anything."

"You did tell him no, right?"

Shit.

"Not quite. I told him I would think about it."

Jaeger steps away from me. His frustration has turned into disappointment. "Did our conversation mean nothing to you yesterday? You told me you were going to start trusting me. Today you do the exact opposite, you lie to me instead. I asked you this morning about that phone call, you told me it was some random. I believed you because I trust you. Chloe, the entire time we have been together I have trusted you. I wish you reciprocated that trust."

"Please believe me, Jaeger, I didn't accept that deal. I didn't give him a definite answer. I feel so lost. I don't know what the hell I want to do." Now I'm the one shouting.

I might have lied about the phone call this morning, but I'm not lying about what I want to do in the future.

"It's fine, Chloe, go off and be a supermodel again. Don't expect me to hold your hand through it. I'm leaving for the next two hours. I want you out of here when I come back, got it?" He glares directly at me.

This can't be happening.

My eyes begin to well up in tears. He turns his head away from me and leaves, slamming the door during his exit.

What have I done?

There goes the best thing that has ever happened to me. I should have known I would find a way to mess this up. I need him here right now. I can't lose him again.

I try to hold back my tears as I dial Mom's number into my phone.

She answers instantly. "Chloe, sweetie? How are you?"

The walls break down, and tears begin to gush out. "Mama, I have messed up. Everything is ruined," I say in between my sobs.

Mom starts to panic. "What do you mean, Chloe? Have you started taking things again?"

"No, Mom. I messed things up with Jaeger. He doesn't want me anymore. I don't know what to do."

I explain to her what happened. She doesn't interrupt me, or tell me that I'm a fool. She doesn't need to, I already know. I tell her about the phone call from Icon Models and how Jaeger and I talked about me applying for college.

"Sweetie, I think you should come home for a bit before you make any more irrational decisions. All you want to do now is win back Jaeger, that's understandable. You can't focus on that right now. You need to worry about getting your head right."

Running back home isn't going to win Jaeger back. It moves me further away from him. "Mom, I need him back. I love him."

"He loves you too, sweetie, but you hurt him. Come back home so your father and I can help you. If Jaeger really loves you, he won't be jumping in the bed of another woman anytime soon. If he does, he isn't worth it anyway."

The thought of Jaeger being with another woman makes me feel physically sick. I can't let that happen.

Even though I hate to admit it, Mom is right. Jaeger won't ever take me back if I don't get my shit together.

I suck up my pride. "Okay Mom, I'll come home."

As soon as I hang up, I make the quick dash around his apartment gathering clothes and items I might need to take with me. I contemplate whether I should leave a letter for him. It will probably be my last chance to prove my love for him.

I retrieve a pen and paper from his office and return to his kitchen.

I let the emotions pour out.

Letters worked when I was away; I hope they work now. This is my last opportunity to prove to him that I'm worth the risk.

To my dearest Jaeger.

I've messed this up, I know. I didn't plan to, it's what happens when I love someone as much as I love you.

I don't know what I want to do in the future, that's the truth. Do I want to work with people and help them? Do I want to help save lives? Do I want to walk up and down a catwalk again? I don't know. The only thing I am certain of is that I want you in my future.

I want to wake up every morning with you holding me. I want to kiss you whenever I want. I want to be your number one cheerleader in whatever you do. I want to spend every day by your side. The fact is, I don't care about what I should do. As long as whatever I do involves you, I'm happy.

If you never forgive me, I will understand. I should have been more open and trusting with you from the beginning. That is my mistake. I should have let you in fully, and believed in you. I only lied to you because I didn't want to hurt you. What I didn't know was that lying caused more hurt. I wish I could take it back, I wish I could start again.

I hope I see your face again. I need another chance to prove to you that I am worth it.

Always yours,

Chloe.

I refuse to re-read the letter.

I know that if I read it over, I'm going to change it. The letter represents everything I'm feeling right now. I shouldn't feel the need to change it.

I grab my things and walk around his apartment. I look back as I say goodbye to all the good memories we've experienced here.

I hope Mom's plan works.

I need it to work.

Jaeger:

Here I am on a Monday afternoon, drinking myself to oblivion. This can't look any worse.

I think I made the right decision. I gave Chloe more than enough chances to prove she trusts me. Love is nothing without trust. How can we have a relationship if she chooses to lie and hold herself back from truly falling?

If it's the right decision, why does it hurt so much? Letting her go should make everything easier, shouldn't it?

Marty, my favourite bartender, returns with another round of whisky. He places the glass down and looks at me. "You still haven't explained what you're doing here at Below on a Monday afternoon. It might be normal for these lonely men in here, but it isn't normal for you, Jaeger. Tell me what's wrong."

He has a stern look on his face. Marty isn't going to take no for an answer. "This is about a girl isn't it?" he asks. I nod.

"A girl you're serious about?" he hints.

"Very serious."

"You love her?"

"More than anything."

He smiles. "I don't know what has happened. But what I do know is that we all fuck up. You don't need to explain what went down, it's obvious that one of you messed up. You love this girl, so I'm guessing you want to fix it. That's what you should be focussing on right now, not drinking yourself to death."

I can't fix this. It isn't up to me to fix it. The damage is already done.

I take a sip of the whisky. "I can't fix it Marty. It's too late."

He takes the tumbler of whisky out of my grip. "Did she cheat on you?" I shake my head. "Did she steal from you?" I shake my head again. "She sure as hell didn't murder you, as you're right in front of me."

"How do you have a relationship without trust?" I ask him.

"Trust takes time, son. To build true trust, you need to be patient. It doesn't happen overnight."

Why is this so damn confusing? "I don't understand, Marty. How much time?"

Marty shakes his head, amused. "There isn't an exact timeframe. What I do know is that if you love her, you don't let her go. As years ago by, you will continue to miss her. The pain will never go away. The years will continue to tick by and you will continue to be alone because you're too in love with someone else to move onto someone new. You will end up on your deathbed regretting not giving love another chance."

As much as I feel hurt, I'm still in love with Chloe. I don't want to imagine her with another man—she belongs with me.

I retrieve my motorcycle keys and my wallet. As soon as I get up to pay Marty, he stops me by pushing me back down. "Where do you think you're going, Jaeger? I can't let you leave like that. Not only will you risk hurting yourself, you could harm other people driving out there. You consumed that much alcohol that I'm sure your insides are swimming in it."

Damn.

"What am I supposed to do then? I can't sit around here, I'm going to lose her." Doesn't he understand that?

He takes my keys away from me. "If she loves you Jaeger, you won't lose her. If it's real love, it will work out."

He makes a point. I can't go onto the road like this, I could kill someone. I shouldn't have let myself drink so much. Most importantly, I shouldn't have let her go.

I reach for my phone to text Ezra to give me a ride.

J: Dude, can you come to Below and get me. I can't ride my bike.

E: !!! Dude seriously? I'll be there soon.

As expected, Ezra is pissed off as soon as he enters the bar. "What the fuck, Jaeger? You're smashed. Where is Chloe?"

I look away. I don't need to answer his question, he already knows.

"I'm guessing you had a fight. Shit. You know drinking yourself to death doesn't help, right?"

After countless drinks, I know that now.

"I know, dude. I shouldn't have done this to myself. It was a great idea when I was angry—I needed to vent, but now I feel stupid. I should have dealt with this like an adult."

He looks as if he is ready to scold me. "You're going to feel real stupid tomorrow when you puke everywhere. Where is Chloe, anyway?"

I don't even want to think about tomorrow. It's going to be nasty. "I don't know, man. I kicked her out of my apartment."

That was a dick move. I know. Ezra's glare is confirming it.

Ezra retrieves my keys from Marty and helps me out of the bar. As soon as we're in his car, I turn towards him. "We're going to go find Chloe, right?" I ask him.

He laughs sarcastically. "Looking for Chloe right now isn't the best idea. You need to cool off and distance yourself. The last thing you need to do is find her in the state you're in."

No. He doesn't understand. "I need to find her before I lose her forever. You don't get it, Ezra. I'm going to lose her."

"You're not going lose her, you won't let it happen. I know you. I'm going to take you back to your apartment and we're going to order some pizza and chill out. I would suggest beer too, but you've had enough."

That isn't going to solve anything. "That's not going to get Chloe back." I feel my eyes beginning to water. Fuck, am I going to start crying?

Ezra turns towards me, amused. "Dude, are you going to start crying?"

"No."

Maybe.

"Jaeger, we'll get her back. You just need a little time away from each other. You'll both figure it out."

He's right. I need to back off a bit. If it's meant to be, we'll work it out.

***

It doesn't take me long to find a letter sitting on my kitchen counter. Ezra appears beside me. "What's that?" he says gesturing to the letter.

"It's from Chloe," I reply.

I carefully tear open the envelope and pull the letter out. I open the piece of paper, however the words look blurry. Why did I drink so much? Fuck.

Ezra looks concerned. "What does it say?" I can't read the words. All I can see is a massive blur.

"I don't know dude, can't see." I pass him the letter so he can read it for me.

I try to focus on the words Ezra is reading out. It's too hard to pay attention when all I want to do is find her.

Ezra places the letter back down on the counter. "Well, she didn't say it's over, so that's a good thing." That's true. I still have a chance to win her back.

I try to think of all the places she would have gone to. Knowing Chloe, she would have panicked when I freaked out at her. When she stresses out, she makes rash decisions. All I hope is that I haven't led her to take anything. If she has, I'll never forgive myself.

"Where do you think she went?" Ezra asks curiously.

She would've only written a letter if she was going some place far. "She probably went to her folks' place in Georgia. I need to book tickets so I will be there for tomorrow." I head towards my laptop that's sitting on my sofa.

Ezra pulls me back. "Seriously dude? Were you not listening before? You can't go to her parents in your current state. It will reverse all the hard work you did to get on her dad's good side. Imagine how pissed they will be if you turn up smashed. You don't even know if she is there."

Ezra remains true to his word and orders pizza. It takes all his willpower to restrain me from booking tickets on the next flight to Georgia.

As soon as I shake this alcohol out of my system, I'm going to book those tickets.

You never walk away from your heart.

Chapter Seventeen

Chloe:

I'm certain it's my Mom's goal to fatten me up. She calls it comfort food. In the one day I've been back home, I've eaten an entire batch of cookies, five cupcakes, and lots of other treats. To make matters worse, Mom plans on making her famous fried chicken tonight.

I appreciate all her hard work; however, no amount of food will mend this broken heart.

The only thing that will fix my heartbreak is having Jaeger back.

I won't be surprised if he never forgives me. I don't deserve it. I should've been more open with him when he was mine. Now that he isn't, I feel lost.

Mom places down another batch of chocolate chip cookies on my plate. "Chloe, stop thinking. Everything will be okay. You need to give him some time."

I grab one of the cookies and take a bite. "He's not going to want me back, Mom. I should've treated him better."

The reality of it hurts. I treated my family the same when I was modelling. I expected they would always be there and never considered how they felt when I neglected them. I did the same to Jaeger. That's my mistake.

"Perhaps you should've, Chloe. We all make bad choices. Never doubt his love for you. It's clear to anyone with two eyes that the boy is crazy in love with you. Right now, he feels hurt."

It's hurt I brought upon him. That's the part that kills me the most.

"Do you think he will ever forgive me?"

She gathers her materials to create another batch of cookies. "I hope sweetie. Or else I need to go buy more chocolate chips and brown sugar from the store."

***

Despite Mom and Dad's best efforts to distract me, I can't get him out of my mind. Right now we're having a movie marathon. My fatty food binge continues with Mom's homemade, triple-butter popcorn.

I will admit, this stuff tastes good. Not good enough to mend my heart, but good enough to cause some relief for the pain.

As hard as I try, I can't focus on the film.

How can I focus when my head's in another place?

Why hasn't he tried to call me yet? Should I call him? I thought by now he would have wanted to contact me. Perhaps it's over.

I say goodnight to my parents and head to bed. I don't think I can handle watching another comedy film.

I guess I secretly hoped Jaeger would find me today. I didn't think he would give up on us so easily. I thought that after some time, he would want to hear me out and give me another chance.

The damage is already done.

Just like the night when Jaeger first doubted my trust towards him, I can't sleep.

How can I sleep? My life awake is a nightmare. I can just imagine what my dream is going to be like.

The only positive from this situation is that I think I have controlled myself well, considering the amount of pain I'm feeling. The old me would've found some painkillers and anxiety pills to make everything better. The new me doesn't find a point in that. All pills have done is cause more damage.

I don't realize when I fall asleep.

All I hope for is that falling asleep isn't this painful every day. Eventually this has to get better. Isn't that how it works?

***

I awake to the smell of pancakes. It looks like it's going to be day two of my food binge. Maybe I should've done this all along instead of pills.

I head downstairs to see Mom cooking up a storm in the kitchen. "Good morning, sweetie," she beams at me.

Someone's in an extra good mood this morning.

I grab one of the cookies from her fresh batch. Maybe I should go to rehab for an addiction to chocolate chip cookies next.

I spot Dad chopping wood from afar.

As soon as Mom finishes her first load of pancakes, I plow into them. Mom stops me to add a ball of ice cream and chocolate syrup on top.

Seriously?

I spot Dad from the corner of my eye as he heads down the stairs.

I do a double take.

Isn't he outside chopping wood?

Dad notices my confusion. "What's the matter, Chloe? It's like you've seen a ghost."

I look towards the window, then back at the door. "Aren't you chopping wood?"

He shakes his head and laughs. "Obviously not, Chloe. I had a young man come to the door this morning. I had to find something for him to do."

Mom's smirking as she flips the pancakes.

I look outside the window again and notice those eyes I have grown to love.

I have to be dreaming.

This can't be real.

Jaeger:

When I arrived on the doorstep of the Jackson's house this morning, I expected to have the door slammed in my face.

That's what I deserve after turning my back on Chloe.

Instead, Donald welcomed me with open arms and a man-hug. Julie also attacked me with hugs and kisses as soon as I walked into their home.

My eyes wandered to search for Chloe; there was no sign of her. Donald sensed my frustration and cleared up that Chloe was indeed still asleep.

While waiting for my sweetheart to wake up, I offered to help Donald with anything he needed to do around their farm.

After cutting wood for over an hour, I spot her in the window. All I want to do is run up to her and wrap my arms around her.

She isn't moving, just staring. It's as if she doesn't believe this is actually happening.

I give her a mischievous wave. She smiles back to me.

I'm not waiting anymore.

I throw the axe onto the ground and rush towards her. She exits the house from the side door and runs towards me too. As soon as I reach her I lift her up in the air.

Now I'm the one in disbelief.

A few days ago I didn't think I would have the opportunity to hold her again. I will never take for granted the feeling that charges through me when I have my arms around her.

She looks up at me. "You came for me," she says breathlessly.

I brush her hair away from her face. "Of course I did. There's no letting go of you, sweetheart. You never walk away from your heart. I'm sorry for trying to rush you. I know I need to give you time; you're still recovering from everything."

"No, Jaeger, I'm sorry. I should have trusted you from the very beginning. It's only when I lost you that I realized that I shouldn't take you for granted. I've learned that the hard way."

I smile and look down towards her. "I've missed you so much. Never again will I let you get away so easy."

Her smile matches mine. "Well, that's good news because I'm never letting you get away."

I can't remember at which point I became hers. All that matters is that she will always be the owner of my heart. Forever, she's the only person I could ever trust to hold onto it.

Her eyes begin to water. "I love you so much, Jaeger Colton. You're my forever."

"Well that's good news, Chloe Jackson, because I'm in love with you too. And I'm pretty certain you're my forever too."

She wraps her arms around my neck. "Promise?"

I reach down and press my lips against hers. "I promise, sweetheart."

I would do anything for this beautiful woman. Whatever she wants to do in life, I will be there holding her hand through it. She owns me entirely.

Hand in hand we walk back to her parents' home.

Who needs forever when she owns me for eternity?

234

Copyright © Amy Smolcic

