- You can't fuck up this life.
Like that saying is like
(imitates booming) anchored in.
It's like no matter what you do,
and that's the thing with
risk, it's like should I do it?
Should I not do it? What's
the right thing to do?
What's the right thing
to do? It doesn't matter.
It's like either you take the risk
and from whatever label you
place upon it, it goes well.
But even if it doesn't,
and that's the lesson here,
it's like you'll still learn from it.
It's what you needed.
No matter what you do,
no matter what you choose,
it's the right choice.
Even if it goes down,
it's leading you back to
where you should go anyway.
There is no fucking up and
just accepting that like just
(exhaling) takes away so much pressure.
Like we all have that universal question,
am I doing it right?
Yeah, you are. No matter what
you do, you'll do it right.
And just go on.
And that's really the state I'm in now.
It's like even sitting here,
extremely at ease, extremely relaxed.
There's zero, again like impurity,
there's zero "Okay, what's that?
What am I gonna say next? Oh my god.
Am I queuing the content correctly?
Oh my god, what are people thinking?
Oh, is this recording the video?
What are people gonna think of the video?
Oh my god, am I tired?"
All is good.
For you to actually live life,
for you to actually experience life,
it has to be coming from a place
of abundance and happiness.
It can't be coming from
scarcity and unhappiness.
'Cause if it is scarcity
and happiness, you're not
actually living or experiencing
whatever you're doing.
You're simply escaping what
you think your default is.
So let's just take a purpose.
You hear that, hey, to feel happy,
to feel complete, you
need a purpose in life.
You're like "Oh shit, I need a purpose.
What's my purpose?" So you
start thinking about it.
What's my passion? What's my purpose?
And you know, we always tend to think
a purpose is something very artistic.
So you're like "Oh, maybe
it's fucking music."
Let's just take music as an example.
That's my purpose in life.
Now what do you think for me to be happy,
I always have to be on my fucking purpose,
I always have to be doing that.
Now in a way it's not really happiness
'cause it depends on
something and that purpose,
you're not actually doing it 'cause you're
inspired to do it,
you're doing it to escape
that default that you
think is unhappiness.
So it's an escape.
Just think of it too, like when you get
home after work, how soon 'til you jump on
the computer or turn on your cell phone?
How much time do you
spend alone with yourself?
Probably very fucking little.
As soon as you're alone,
you're like "Oh shit.
I'm gonna fall back to
ground zero, ah shit.
Those negative emotions,
the shame, all that shit."
And try to distract yourself, you escape.
So in a way we're all
living a life of escapism.
Everything you do is escape
and until you address
that original assumption
that's wrong, that you know,
our default is unhappiness,
you won't really live life, you won't
really know what having a purpose is like.
Like all those things you hear,
to have a purpose, you will be happy,
to be giving, you'll be happy,
If you're grateful, you're
happy, for those to work,
they have to be coming from
the right original assumption.
This is something you should all do.
Like sit down and be
like, "Why do I want this?
Why do I want the girlfriend?
Why do I want the money?
Why do I want success?
Why do I want to hustle?
Why do I want to have a
purpose? Why do I want friends?"
It's always to be happy.
I want the fucking beautiful girlfriend
so all my friends can see me
with the beautiful girlfriend
and they'll finally approve of me
and this means I can
finally approve of myself.
If a girl who's that
beautiful and accepted
by societal standards is with
me, this means I have value.
This means I'm lovable
and I can love myself.
If I sleep with 100 girls,
it's the same thing.
If 100 girls like me, what
does that mean about me?
I'm pretty damn fucking cool
and there's no reason
to hate myself and I can
finally love myself and
I can finally be happy.
I want money to be happy.
I want success to be happy.
Literally everything you
do, I want good grades,
I want to be good, I want a good job,
I want a wife, I want to
get married, I want kids,
whatever it is, if you
follow the trail of whys,
it's always to be happy, okay?
This is the ultimate goal.
This is what drives us 24-seven.
Like this is it. This is
the only drive that we have.
It's to be happy.
Whatever it is, think
about it now, whatever,
even little small goals,
whatever it is, it's to be happy.
Most common answer, like
what makes you happy?
Going to a movie, watching a cool TV show,
eating food,
sex, masturbation, drugs, drinks, smoking.
It's an escape and you're
like, "That's when I'm happy."
But it's not true happiness.
Why? 'Cause it's temporary
and you don't fix the cause.
The underlying problem is still there.
The fact that you assume that
unhappiness is your default.
And these are some
obvious ones like smoking,
drugs, so on and so forth
but it could also be simple
things like drinking kombucha
or drinking a green juice.
I feel happy when I drink
this really healthy juice.
That's cool but what happens when it ends?
What happens when you
finish the fucking drink?
When happiness depends on
something, it's always temporary.
I'm only happy when I meditate.
What happens when you don't meditate?
You go back to being unhappy.
I'm only happy when I
have a purpose in life.
I heard that, when I have
a purpose, you're happy.
When you have a passion, you're happy.
What happens when you
don't have a purpose?
What happens when you know, it's like
what if you don't have a purpose?
You fall back into unhappiness.
I'm only happy when I'm
grateful. Gratitude is happiness.
When I wake up, I make a list
of everything I'm grateful
for and I'm happy.
What happens when you're
not making that list?
You go back to unhappiness.
I'm only happy when I'm forgiving.
When I forgive people, I'm happy.
What if you're not forgiving?
what happens when you're done forgiving?
You go back to unhappiness.
It's literally like we're
putting our fucking hand
like in the flames, like in the fire
and we're like "Let's put
a little water, I'm happy."
Until you're back in the fucking flames.
It's crazy, that's what we call happiness.
And is that really happiness?
Because again, you know deep down inside
that the underlying problem is still there
and you know it's temporary.
So there's that worry,
how long is it gonna last?
How long is happiness gonna last?
If you're happy now, you might've
been looking forward to this event.
You're like, "Fuck, when I'm at
this event, I'm gonna be happy.
When I'm in Vegas, I'm gonna be happy."
What happens when you're done with Vegas?
This entire time here,
there's probably that little
lingering fear of what
happens when this ends?
How long is this going to last?
What about the next thing?
And most of the time you're
probably worrying about the next thing.
Like what do I do next?
I don't want to fall back to
my default. What do I do next?
We know that we're not gonna find
happiness based on all those things.
Like right now if I gave you
literally everything in the
world, like let's just say you
had everything of the world,
you were the God of the
world, would you be happy?
If the answer is no, why do
you keep fucking seeking it
in all these things
and all this validation
and all these people and all these objects
and all these green
juices and drinks and all
this knowledge and all
these relationships?
If you literally had everything
in the world, you'd still not be happy.
It's pretty crazy because again,
it's still within that paradigm.
What you're seeking is
in another paradigm.
A good quote to kind
of hammer this home is
"We're trying to seek the
infinite with the finite."
We're in this world of like
limited things and we're
seeking the unlimited.
It doesn't matter how much
limited things you get,
you're never gonna get the unlimited.
Now I forgot where I heard this.
It's like trying to count 'til infinity.
Can you count 'til infinity?
Yes or no?
- No.
- No.
There'll always be another fucking number.
It doesn't matter how many,
like how high you get,
you're never gonna reach infinity
and that's what we're all seeking.
It's like we're seeking like infinity,
we're seeking that state
of happiness in the finite.
Depending on what paradigm you're in,
it's gonna influence every
single thing that you do.
It's going to influence the way
that you live your life, everything, okay?
Now to find out what it is,
just think what is your default?
Right now, if you just did
nothing, what would you fall to?
And just by the way
that we're conditioned,
we all think we fall to this.
It's pretty crazy.
If we don't hustle, for
example, if we don't make money,
if we don't work on ourselves to improve,
if we're not successful,
if we don't get a good job,
if we're not interesting, we fall to shit.
That's literally what we think.
Like right now if I told
you like don't hustle,
you'd be like, "I must hustle or else."
Or else I fall to this.
So in a way, our basic
assumption, this is again
the way that we're conditioned,
everyone's like this,
we assume that that is our default
and that's the shit that's driving us
and from that basic assumption
of unhappiness and scarcity,
so on and so forth, all of our attitudes,
beliefs, behaviors, actions grow.
Okay?
And what we try to do, and this
is what's interesting is we
assume that's our default and
then we're all seeking this.
We're all seeking happiness and abundance,
complete, enough, self,
authentic but assuming that our
default is unhappiness,
scarcity, so on and so forth
and this is why it never fucking works.
Conscious is everything
you're aware of right now.
Subconscious is everything
you're not aware of.
Simple as that.
Right now, you're aware of me talking.
You're aware of you're in the
room, et cetera, et cetera.
If I ask you, "What did you
eat for lunch yesterday?"
Now you're aware of it but
it was in your subconscious.
If you were aware of everything,
your brain would explode.
If you were aware right now
consciously of your breaths,
of your body temperature,
of your heart rate,
et cetera, et cetera, you would
not function in this world.
So you have things like memories,
things that are automatic,
autopilot, habits, so on
and so forth as well as
all the shit you hate about yourself
and you don't like about yourself.
Like the trash can of your
mind, if you will and in there,
there's all this stuff you
think is bad about you.
So for example, say, let's
just link it to girls.
Say you're out here as
a kid and fucking like
you're five years old and
say you like a girl, okay?
And I remember, like
probably everyone can relate,
I can relate, you like a girl.
What happens if you're a kid and you
like a girl and everyone finds out?
They mock you. They make fun
of you for liking a girl.
You're shamed for liking
a girl and very fast,
you're like, "Oh shit, I
don't want to experience this.
Let's hide this and let's not let
anyone ever know that I like a girl."
No? Did you guys ever have that?
Were you ever mocked for
liking a girl? Yeah, okay?
All of us, so we're taught, like oh shit,
the part of me that likes the girl,
let's put it down here,
let's put it out of sight.
Let's disown it, this is not part of me.
Let's never show anyone.
This is our dirty little
secret that we like girls.
Another one is say you're
a little too loud as a kid.
People are like "Shut the fuck up."
You're like, "Well, it's
not okay for me to be loud."
So you put loud down here.
If you say your opinion
and you're actually real,
that's oh, nope, that's not good.
Okay, well let's not fully be real.
I gotta hide this aspect of me
and you start developing in like your ego.
If different emotions are bad,
like say you get upset
as a kid and your parents
are like "Don't get mad" or as a guy,
here's another one, "Don't be a pussy,"
you feel a little sad,
"Don't be a pussy, man up."
Oh shit, well I can never feel sad.
I can never be afraid.
I can never feel anxious,
so on and so forth
and you just keep shoving it down there.
Okay?
Now because of this, a few things happen.
On one hand, this shit doesn't go away.
It's still there, okay?
It's still running
and the longer it stays down
there, the mind's repetitive,
the more of a charge there is behind it.
You don't feel like you're enough
'cause there's this shit here
that you hate about yourself
and you never fully accept
yourself and you can't fully
accept yourself until you also
accept all this stuff here.
It's like we always feel like
there's a little part of
us that's fucking wrong.
There's a little part
of us that's fucked up.
There's a part of us that's not okay.
Everyone else is totally fine.
It's a part of that's not okay.
And you can tell yourself
consciously, "I'm enough.
I am fully complete, I am perfect."
The subconscious, which is 90%, "bullshit"
and the subconscious always wins, okay?
Different beliefs too, for example,
like what you think you
deserve out of life,
that's in your subconscious.
If you're a kid, like you
take in a lot of information,
like you look at the
relationship for example
your parents have and
you're probably like,
"Ooh, that's my definition of love.
That's my definition of
what it means to be real.
That's my definition of
forgiveness," et cetera, et cetera.
And then consciously, you're like
"Man, I really want a
long term relationship.
I really want to find love."
Subconsciously love equals
your parents getting divorced
and then you keep self-sabotaging.
Here there's your
definition of who you are.
In your subconscious, it's
like my identity is this.
Consciously you want to change.
Subconsciously, you keep getting
pulled back to this shit.
No? You want to lose weight?
A little sprint, (whistling) pulled back
to what you think you deserve.
If you're someone who is like
working on being confident,
what are you constantly reinforcing?
That you're not confident to begin with.
If you're someone who is
working on self-improvement,
what are you constantly reinforcing?
That you need to be improved.
So it's endless.
Okay?
Now this is what I call step
one to personal development
and you're in this
paradigm where you think
this is your default and
for anyone in that paradigm,
what you should be focusing
on is optimizing it.
That's usually the step that we take
and that's where all this advice you hear,
it's like well, if you
have social anxiety,
go out and start putting
yourself out there.
Start working on becoming more confident.
If you're someone who's always negative,
give yourself a positivity challenge.
Focus on some positive things,
et cetera, et cetera, et cetera, okay?
Like working on becoming more confident,
improving yourself, et cetera is good
'cause it's optimizing this paradigm.
But that's only step one.
Step two is dropping that paradigm
and moving towards the abundance paradigm.
Okay?
And it's asking yourself, "Well,
why am I not motivated to,"
let's just say you need to work on hustle,
why are you not motivated to
hustle in the first place?
Why are you not confident by default?
Okay? So it's changing that default.
What if if you stopped
doing whatever you're doing,
instead of falling, you
realize you're there?
And that's the second step.
We buy into so many lies that cause us
so much fucking suffering,
it's insane, you know?
One is that things
should remain permanent.
That's what we try to do.
We try to create this life
that just stays the same
and when shit crumbles, we're like "No."
Instead of being like, "Hey,
nothing's permanent. Nothing."
Anything you want to hang onto
is going to leave eventually.
If you get someone's approval, guess what?
They can also disapprove of you.
If you build something,
it can also like break.
Nothing's permanent, you
should be aware of that by now.
Now the plus side with
the nothing's permanent
is you could be freaking out,
like "Oh my god, it's all gonna crumble,"
but if you're also in that
state of everything's crumbled,
that's not permanent either.
That'll go back up eventually
and you gotta let go of that label of
I must always chase everything
going well all the time
and embrace both sides of it.
Embrace the contrast, you know?
And that's really what,
I mean it's not the thing you want to hear
when you're going through shit but
that's what makes life
worth fucking living.
If everything was amazing all the time,
it'd be so fucking boring,
we'd all be depressed.
We'd all be in this state
of apathy and depression
'cause it'd be like, ugh, like
where's the fucking contrast?
If you look back at your entire life,
it's those ups and downs that
made life fucking awesome.
Now at the time, it
still sucks but you need
to feel that so you feel
when it goes up again.
I kid you not.
It's like that's what makes
some fucking movie exciting
and that's ideally how you
should want to create your life.
Like a fucking movie where if
you look back at your life,
is it a movie you'd want to watch?
Is it a movie that's exciting?
And what part of the movie
are you living right now?
Is it the slump?
Is it that moment you're like,
"Oh fuck, everything's going to shit?
What's gonna happen to this guy?"
If there wasn't that moment,
what a boring ass movie.
So it's embracing that, it's like okay,
chaos times, let's fucking do it.
Oh, success times, let's fucking do it.
Happiness times, fuck yeah.
Sadness times, fuck yeah.
Embrace it all
and remind yourself of that
movie and remind yourself too
of previous moments you've
felt this where it didn't last.
Whatever happens to you,
there's a certain lesson to get out of it
and the lessons that life teaches you
or nature teaches you or God teaches you,
whatever you want to believe in,
are not always aligned with
your own personal agenda.
There's what you want
and there's what you need
and when shit hits the
fan and there's adversity,
usually you're getting
what you need but you don't
know it yet and that's
really what a life crisis is.
A life crisis is when something happens
that doesn't go according to plan.
We're all hooked on this is my life,
this is what I want, this
is what I want to happen,
this is the direction I want to go in.
Boom, something happens
that doesn't go hand
in hand with that, (gasps)
chaos, adversity, oh my god.
Because it's challenging what you wanted,
what you're attached to versus oh no,
maybe there's a lesson here
and maybe this chaos and
adversity is going to create
an opening for something new
and that's usually what
happens after a life crisis.
So often you hear, "I lost my
job yet I found a better one."
No?
And probably if you
didn't have that crisis
where let's say you weren't fired,
you would never have
quit that fucking job.
Same with a relationship.
(audience laughing)
You're like "Hell yeah."
No, it's serious, like
you'd never fucking quit.
Or with a relationship,
so often a breakup,
horrible but yet you found someone better.
You're like "Shit, what
was I doing there?"
More often than not,
it creates an opening for something new.
You must accept who you are right now,
all of it and your life
situation right now.
Accept it and love it.
Everything about you right now,
as you're hearing this,
you're probably cringing.
You're like, "Oh fuck no,
look at my fucking body.
How can I accept this shit?
Look at my income, how
can I accept this shit?
Look at my life situation,
look at my clothes,
my life, I can't accept
who I am right now."
But until you do,
it'll keep running you and
you will never be free.
'Cause everything you do
will be in reaction to that.
Accepting who you are and
everything that is you right now
doesn't mean settling, it
doesn't mean stagnating,
it doesn't mean hanging onto it,
in reality, it's the
only way to let go of it.
If you don't accept who you are right now,
you're hanging onto it big time.
Huge.
Think of people who get into a fight.
Say you hate your parents, common,
you get into a fight with your parents,
you're like "Fuck my
parents, I'm gonna move,"
you might move across the
country, across the world.
You're away from your parents,
you might not even talk
to your parents in years.
Physically, you're away from your parents.
You've severed the link.
Correct?
But have you?
Because I've talked to
people, clients of mine,
40, 50 years old still
being run by their parents
and it could be hate, like
"Oh, fuck my parents,"
I bring it up, "No, fuck my
parents, I hate my parents.
I'm doing this to prove them wrong
or doing this to show them."
Okay, they're physically separated
but there's still a
psychic link, if you will.
They're still acting in reaction
to their parents years later.
They're not free.
Same with who you are here right now.
Until you accept everything that is you,
you're still gonna be run by that.
You'll never let go of it.
You'll never transform.
You'll never self-actualize,
you'll keep hanging onto it.
So in reality, you have to
accept it to let go of it.
Everything, your personality,
your life, your looks, everything.
Anyone here going through adversity,
going through something bad,
how do you know it's bad?
That question is huge. How do you know?
And then reflect on how ignorant you are.
'Cause what is really like a life crisis?
It's when things don't go
according to your plan.
How do you know what's best for you?
And really reflect on how
little you know about the world,
the universe, about, like we know nothing.
We're so stupid.
So stupid.
And really sit with that.
Like "Holy shit, you're
right, I'm so stupid.
How the fuck do I know
what's good for me or not?
Well, 'cause I read it in a book."
Well how the fuck does that person
know what's good for you or not?
You have no idea and we're
so quick to judge shit.
As soon as something,
like "Oh, it's not going
according to plan, fuck,
why is this happening?"
Stop judging it. How do you know?
And then reflect back on all
those things you thought were
bad for you and how maybe in
the long run, they weren't.
A common example is, for
example, like why are you here?
Probably a lot of you are here because
you went through a shitty moment in life.
Something happened to you or you're
just like, "You know
what, enough's enough"
or something just made you feel like such
a pathetic little bitch that
you decided to step it up.
For real, you know?
If things were just going all like peachy
your entire life, you wouldn't be here.
Like all of you are here
'cause you went through
a moment where you were
just like "Enough's enough."
You just felt so pissed off,
disappointed in yourself,
maybe hating yourself
so much, you're like, "You
know what, fuck this shit.
Let's do something about it."
Now you could think, "Why
did that thing happen to me"
or "Why did I feel so sorry for myself?
Why was my life sucking so much?"
But because of that, here you are
on this whole new journey
and new path in life.
If I didn't have such a shitty
childhood growing up, feeling
like stifled, like shy,
miserable, stuck, I wouldn't be here.
You either think you know more than
the universe or the
universe has your back.
Now fuck should I know if the universe
has my back, but guess what?
Life's a lot easier if
you adopt that belief.
You can choose to take
on that belief or not.
You can either resist
it or go with the flow
and if you go with the
flow, shit's way easier.
I kid you not, so it's like what works?
I'm like "Well, if I choose that
the universe has my back,
It's always easier."
The cheesiest quote of all time,
"The universe has your back."
Okay?
But remind yourself of that.
Say it again. You have your plan.
You're like, "I want this and I want this
and I'm building up to this
and I'm striving to," gone.
And you could be like "No."
Or maybe the universe did it for a reason.
As I'm sure you know, human
beings are creatures of habit.
We're extremely attached
to our comfort zone.
We're extremely attached to
our identity, to who we are.
You think you want to change, bullshit
and I see it week in and
weekend out on live programs,
I see it on Skype coachings,
I see it to pretty much
everyone I talk to,
when I give certain advice,
they want some advice but they
want that advice to reinforce
their current identity so
they can feel better about
being who they currently are.
And it doesn't matter how
much content is out there,
they're going to filter what they look at
through this in a way to
remain in their comfort zone.
All of us deep down inside,
we're running away from this ball of shit.
You all have it, it motivates
you to do everything you do.
That's why you're here.
You ask "Why don't I
feel like I'm enough?"
'Cause you have this shit inside of you.
You're constipated,
filled with shit, dude.
That's what's up
and instead of turning towards the shit
and releasing the shit, shitting out,
and this might be another shit seminar
with a lot of shit words,
what we do is we just try to escape it,
we try to ignore it.
We do everything to just not
face it and the more we do,
so the more dread there is
around confronting this shit.
And we hear okay, be positive.
The Law of Attraction.
If you focus on positive things,
you will attract positive things
and that reinforces, hey,
don't bring your awareness into this shit.
However, and this is big,
whether you consciously focus
on positive things or not,
if unconsciously in your subconscious
there's still that stuff going on,
if you believe in the Law of Attraction,
you will still manifest more of this.
You can kid yourself as much as you want
to think you're positive
but deep down inside,
you've gotta release it and you'll
see it with people who
are overly positive.
There's something a little off in them.
You see it especially
in the self-help world.
"Hey everyone. Hey,
motivation 101 everyone, yay."
And it's like a little fucking fake.
You kinda sense it,
there's like some
tension deep down inside.
Anyone meet people like that?
A little too hyper, a little too positive.
You're like, that's not
really real, you know?
Yeah, they might have some
positive traits but it's kind
of overblown as a way to
compensate for something else.
And you might even bring it up.
Like "Hey you know, I sense a
little tension inside of you"
and immediately there's
like massive defensiveness.
Like "What the fuck you
talking about?" You know?
Like still trying to be positive
but you sense it kind
of stings them, okay?
That is one example.
So yes, if you focus
on say positive things,
you will attract more
positive things but to do so,
you must bring your awareness to this shit
and release it and it's not pleasant.
Instead of running away from it,
you've gotta dive into, like instead of
"I'm not enough, what do I do?
Why am I not enough? Why do
I believe I'm not enough?"
And it's basically facing
the shit you've been
running away from your entire
life and it's not pleasant.
It's like you've got a
fucking cut on your arm
and you're like, "I don't
have a cut, everyone.
I don't have a cut" and you
live in this state of denial.
What you're doing here is
acknowledge you have a cut,
bring it into your awareness,
painful, in order for it to heal
so you no longer run from that.
Okay?
And people use, for
example, positive focus,
positive thinking, the Law
of Attraction to avoid that.
Another one when it comes to say self-help
or even spirituality
is "I'm not ready yet."
You use it as an excuse
to not take action.
"Hey, you know what?
I'm not gonna really do this thing yet
because I haven't read
enough books on it yet.
I'm not informed enough.
I'm not present enough.
I'm not enlightened enough."
And it's an excuse to avoid taking action
or an excuse, and this one's big,
to not make money or be successful
and you'll see that, just go on YouTube,
I kid you not, look up spiritual teachers
and you'll see these series of videos
of people saying like, not
to diss, to each their own,
but let's just say a very shitty apartment
and a shitty little
camera, shitty little shot,
shitty little clothes,
shitty little everything
and they're just like, "You know what?
I just don't believe in this money stuff.
I don't believe in success.
I don't believe in money.
That's materialistic things.
Let go of materialistic
things to transcend," right?
And you just sense that although yeah,
some people might not resonate with that,
there's still that little
bit of bitterness there
and what they're doing is
they're using spirituality
as an excuse to not take
action for example or build
for example their brand in
order to affect more people,
to reach more people and that's
an excuse that holds you back.
Anyone who says, "Fuck making
money, fuck taking action,
fuck being successful," fuck that teacher.
However they also have a point though.
If you're only focused on making money
and being successful and
you ignore the other side,
then you become very bitter as well.
So it goes both ways.
One person could use "It's
all about taking action.
Fuck the spiritual side" to
avoid it and avoid their growth.
The other person could use
"It's all about the spiritual
side, fuck taking action," and
they'll be blocked as well.
It's a combination of the two.
Because trust me, if you just focus on
taking action and money, what
does your life look like?
Pretty much the same as it is now
but a little bit more luxurious.
Instead of wiping your ass
with shitty toilet paper,
you now have classy toilet paper.
Instead of drowning your
sorrows with shitty vodka
or whatever you drink here,
I guess vodka maybe, yeah?
You can drink more expensive vodka
but you're still living
a life of waking up,
eating, shitting, spending most
of your day behind a screen.
You might be able to
afford a better screen,
a better computer, a better
cell phone but life is the same.
You just have more luxurious ways
of distracting yourself
or numbing your pain.
That's it.
But that's the same and it gets
really boring after awhile.
You wake up, you eat, you shop, you sleep,
you wake up, you eat, you shop, you sleep.
That's everyone's life.
Wake up, eat, shop, sleep.
Yeah, you can eat better stuff, shop more
but it's the same routine over and over
and over again if you
ignore the other side, okay?
So be careful not to use content or ideas
to reinforce staying stuck in that state.
Here's me (sniffing) becoming
enlightened right now.
Whoa.
Do you feel that?
Whoa.
People.
I can't put this into words.
It's happening now, I knew,
I was gonna joke, it's
happening now for real.
Do you know how it
feels? It's so beautiful.
It's beyond words, everyone.
It's beyond.
I'm the conductor.
(audience laughs)
Total, so dickish.
This is what we think enlightenment is.
I know, it's a very,
trust me, I put this out
in a video a everyone's
like "He's enlightened," no.
Now it depends what you
label as enlightenment.
People will have those kind
of like experiences of being
in like a higher state where
you're just like "Holy shit."
I experience this at every Transformation
Mastery live event, especially towards
the end when people are sharing stuff,
I am so fucking present,
I'm in such a high,
like just grateful state, it's insane.
However, that's not the goal, okay?
Enlightenment, and I
call this like abundance
if you will, doesn't have an opposite.
Enlightenment is a state of nonresistance.
You might've heard this
before, of non-duality
where you just embrace
and welcome everything.
It can't have an opposite.
If you think this is
enlightenment and this is not
enlightenment, you're
viewing it the wrong way.
Because as soon as you're here,
you're gonna fear dropping back to this.
So you can't fully feel
at ease and at peace
'cause there's resistance
to not being enlightened.
You can't be enlightened
if you're resisting not being enlightened.
Make sense?
Enlightenment is a feeling
of just being okay with everything.
If you just embrace it
all, you'd feel amazing.
If someone told you "Dude,
feeling sad is the shit"
and all the videos you've seen on YouTube
up until this day have been telling you,
"Feeling sad is the shit," you'd be happy.
You're like "I'm sad."
Feeling angry is the shit, everyone.
You get mad, you're like "Fuck yeah."
Your experience of it would change, right?
That's enlightenment.
It's not I want to be up here,
I'm resisting being down here.
It's I'm okay with whatever's there
and then you just ride the roller coaster,
the experience that is
life welcoming it all.
What fucks us is our
resistance and our attachment.
Again, this goes back to like Buddhism.
No aversions, no attachments.
We have that list of good emotions,
happy, positive, et cetera, enthusiastic
and then there's a list of bad
emotions, angry, et cetera.
Now all of these emotions are part of us
and they're going to
happen no matter what.
You're human and you should
be afraid, get angry at times.
That sends a lot of
valuable data to your mind.
If you were never afraid, you'd be dead.
Okay?
It makes sense to experience fear.
The difference is do you experience it,
take the data and move on and just embrace
what comes next and let go of it or
do you hang onto it
perhaps by resisting it?
I'm sure you've heard that saying,
"Whatever you resist, persists."
And then it runs you.
And instead of it just being
a temporary emotion with data,
it becomes a permanent
state that you're stuck in.
Okay?
So instead of trying to be this
by being attached to
this side and resisting
this side and being swung back and forth,
embrace it all and that's enlightenment.
The opposite is apathy
where you resist it all.
You're like, "You know
what? Fuck feeling happy.
At least I won't feel sad.
I just won't feel at all."
You can't not commit.
No matter what you do,
you're committing to a path.
You're either committing to a path of
this thing, that thing, this thing
or you're committing to a
path of nothing and stuckness
and there's a risk to all four options.
If you do this, you might
fuck up and you might have,
you know, like "Oh shit,
I should've done that."
That's true. There's a risk.
But what's the risk of never committing?
Remaining stuck and hating yourself
and living a life of fucking regret
and that's a way bigger risk.
I'd rather do something and
then change courses and live,
like again, like while you're
doing it, you're loving it and
even if it changes, it doesn't
take away from those years.
What sucks is "I'm gonna wait for this."
And that is also the
way we're conditioned.
We're taught like put
your eggs in many baskets.
Don't put all your eggs in one
basket, keep all doors open.
No, fuck that. Pick one.
If it was the wrong door, walk
out, go into the other door.
But because we spread ourselves like that,
I'm gonna do this, this,
this, we remain stuck.
We dabble around. We
never fully go all out.
If your life was a movie
you'd have to re-watch
on a repeat for eternity,
how would you live your life?
So that when you re-watch it,
you're just like "Fuck yeah."
Once you commit to it,
you'll be surprised by
how much will pop up
just due to the fact that you've
readjusted your RAS, okay?
Like your selective focus, if you will.
As soon as you're like, "I'm doing this,
no doubt about it," you're
gonna start noticing shit
that helps you go in that direction.
If you've read the book, "The Alchemist"
which I highly recommend
reading, there's a quote in it
and I'm paraphrasing because
I don't remember specifically
what it says but it says
something along the lines of
"Once you commit to your dream,
the universe will conspire to help you"
or something like that and it's so true.
Once you commit, you'll
start noticing opportunities.
If you think you can't
do it, it's not possible,
you won't pick up on those opportunities
and you have to understand
the power of selective focus.
There's so much shit
happening in the world.
You can't pick up on
everything at the same time
and you pick up on stuff that reinforces
what you believe, what you feel.
Commit to something else, you'll pick up
and see the world in a
completely different way.
And you can do what you want.
You can change your life.
Right now, you don't have
to go into work tomorrow.
You can just drive off, move somewhere.
You don't have to hang out
with the people you hate.
You can do what you want.
You're fucking free.
The limitations are in your fucking mind.
You're a kid, you're thrown
into this thing that is called life.
You're like, "What the fuck is going on?"
You learn two ways,
firsthand experience and
secondhand experience.
Firsthand is you do it
and you see for yourself.
It's like, does it hurt
if I touch the stove?
(sizzling)
Yes, learned.
Okay?
Secondhand experience
is someone telling you,
"Hey, if you touch that, it's gonna hurt."
So you learn both ways.
In terms of second hand experience,
the way you're going to filter
what you believe in or not
is you're gonna look at how
much authority the person has,
how congruent they are
and how certain they are.
So if someone tells you, "If
you touch that fucking stove,
it's gonna hurt" and you see
like they're very certain,
they're very congruent
in the way they say it
and let's just say 1,000
people agree with them,
you'll be much more likely
to also believe that is true.
Versus someone by themselves like
"I think if you touch this
stove, it'll burn, it'll hurt."
Less likely.
Okay?
And you get a lot of these you
could call core assumptions
or original assumptions
when you're younger.
Again you're a kid, you try to gather
as much as possible very fast.
So a lot of the assumptions are
going to come from your parents, right?
A lot of authority, they're your parents.
From teachers, a lot of authority
and from what all of your friends believe.
Like the classroom, there's
a lot of authority there too.
Okay?
So if you look at your parents,
you might look at their
relationship and in your mind,
like okay, that's what a relationship is.
That's what a relationship should be.
Check and you just store
it as something you
believe in and then you go about your life
keeping that assumption
alive, reinforcing it,
investing in it and
building new assumptions,
new beliefs on top of it.
Here you are in your adult life
and let's just say your
parents' relationship
was very destructive,
there was a lot of fighting
and a lot of drama,
you might find yourself
attracted to someone where there's also
a lot of drama in this
current relationship
and consciously you're like,
"Why do I keep falling for,"
I mean a common one with
women, the bad boys.
"Why do I keep liking the bad boys,
the guys who cheat on me?"
It links back to perhaps, again not always
but very likely the relationship
your parents had together.
The same with guys.
"I keep falling in love with girls
who cheat on me, partners who leave me."
Maybe as a kid, there was that distance
in the relationship your parents had.
Maybe your parents got
divorced, got separated.
Maybe that was your definition of love.
So you fall for people who
can't fully be there for you.
People who cheat on you,
people who are long distance,
like long distance relationships,
people who are unavailable,
people who you know,
part of you knows will leave you
and it's like this recurring
pattern in your life.
Okay?
And here consciously you can try to think,
"Okay, well I need relationship advice.
What are the techniques
to get the relationship?"
Until you let go of this core assumption,
this core belief, it will
keep repeating itself
and the resistance to
letting go of it, by the way,
is because if you let go
of that definition of love,
that definition of a
relationship that's at a core,
at a foundation and a
lot of beliefs and other
assumptions are built on it,
it means if this is wrong,
all of this crumbles and
you're left with a big unknown.
That is a bearing that has
kept you alive to this day
that you're very invested in
that is part of who you are.
The state you're addicted
to will color everything.
If you're someone who's really hooked on,
you know, we were talking about say fear,
you're hooked on the state of fear,
that'll color everything that you see.
You're in this room,
like we're all in the same physical room
but our experience of this will change.
If you're someone who's hooked on fear,
you're gonna be listening to me
but you're probably gonna be thinking,
"Okay, is anyone staring at
me? Oh my god, how do I look?"
like that paranoia is gonna kick in.
That's what you're gonna pick up on.
Your RAS, your selective focus
is going to pick up on
things to keep that alive.
If you're someone who's
in a state of guilt,
you're gonna find reasons to feel guilty.
For someone who's in a state of anger,
you're gonna find things that piss you off
and that also applies to a relationship.
You actually won't even see the person,
you're gonna filter
everything that the person is
of like fear, fear, fear,
she's gonna cheat on me,
she's gonna leave, et
cetera, et cetera, et cetera.
So yeah, the work that
has to be done with you,
again, the quality of the
relationship you have with
yourself will dictate the
quality of the relationship
you have with others in
terms of partners, friends
and the relationship
you have with the world.
I like this expression, so I'll use it.
What's the thing in life that
really tickles your balls?
That turns you on, the thing
where it doesn't matter how
much money you make, ii doesn't
matter if you ever succeed,
it's the time where you
felt the most alive.
If you died now, what was
the thing you did alive
while you were alive that
turned you on the most?
And it might not be something
you've done for like years.
Maybe the past 10, 20 fucking
years, you've been dead inside
and all you can remember is a
moment during your childhood.
What was that?
Rekindle that.
It's crazy, if that was the moment
you felt the most alive
during your childhood,
what have you been doing
the past 10, 20 years?
You're fucking up. You're dead inside.
Like what's life?
Is that life if you felt the
most alive only as a kid?
No?
If that's your realization here,
switch shit up big time nowadays.
Don't keep doing what you're doing.
Go back to doing what you were as a kid.
If that's what made you
happy, if you died right now
and your happiest moments were
as a kid, change something.
For real, otherwise it's all downhill
and it's scary but just
kind of reflect, like
okay, it's scary, it might go against
the opinions of other people and shit
but at the same time, it's
like your life's yours.
You're gonna die. Milk the
experience that is being alive.
You don't have forever.
We think we do.
"I'll do it someday."
But what if there is no
someday? It's not a guarantee.
That's the other thing, it's like
I love this saying 'cause it's so true.
It's like what would you do
if you had a disease right
now that'll kill you?
It could kill you, like
say you go to the doctor.
It's like, "Sir," what's your name?
"Nikita, you have cancer.
I'm sorry to tell you you have cancer.
We can't heal you.
But we can't give you
a definitive timeline.
You might die tomorrow.
You might die in 40 years.
You might die in 50 years
but you do have cancer and you will die."
Would your perception change?
If the answer is yes, then realize this,
you all have cancer right now.
It's called being alive.
It's gonna kill you. Being
alive is going to kill you.
Being alive, no one survives
being alive. You all die.
We fight so hard to
survive. None of us survive.
You can't survive. You're gonna die.
From that perspective and knowing
that when you die, it's
like that's your life,
it's you, it's your responsibility,
like how are you gonna live it?
So when you die, you're
like "Fuck yeah," you know?
"I lived life my way.
I lived life
on my terms.
I lived a life that
I milked this experience of being alive."
Whatever that is to you,
whatever that means to you.
"I will only love myself
when I get a girl." No.
"I will only love myself when
I make X amount of money." No.
"I will only love myself
when this happens,
when that happens," let go of all of it.
All those things can be
used for inspiration.
But the way we use them is
just more resistance towards
being ourselves and it
does more harm than good.
Okay?
You literally, like
anything that's in the way,
you need to identify it and let go of it.
Detach your self-worth from the
physical, from the external.
Like you should be okay
with everything, by the way.
And this gets a little freaky, you're like
"Well, what if I don't have any friends?"
It doesn't matter. Love
and accept yourself.
Don't use having friends as
a barrier to loving yourself.
Don't use anything as a
barrier to loving yourself.
Your intention can be towards success,
having great things but
you don't need that.
You already feel awesome.
Okay?
And this is also what allows you
to enjoy the journey of a certain goal,
to enjoy the journey that is life
because there is no destination.
Super cliche, I know
you've heard it before.
It's not about the destination.
It's the journey, everyone.
You're like "Yeah, yeah, got it."
You all want the destination,
it doesn't exist.
We're all aiming for that happy ending.
You've been conditioned
by it with Disney movies.
"Prince Charming" and
fucking "Pocahontas."
It's a crappy ending, it's over.
But you never think about the day after
the happy ending when suddenly
it's like "John Smith,
you're not fucking cleaning
your clothes, goddammit.
Do the dishes, bitch" or like
all this shit and the fighting happens.
No one thinks about that.
They have a whole lifetime together.
You don't think they're
gonna argue after that?
Or "Beauty and the Beast," now
he's human again, make out.
Happy ending and they
lived happily ever after
and they argued a lot and there
was a lot of drama and they
fought and he fucked her sister
and all this shit, you know?
They don't talk about that.
So there is no happy ending.
There is no finish line.
Every time you reach it,
you cross it, now there's
another finish line and another
one, it's endless, okay?
And what it comes down to is
enjoying where you're
at right here, right now
and the best way I like to illustrate
this is say you're composing a song.
Another fun fact about yours truly
is that I used to play a lot of guitar.
I played guitar since
I was the age of eight
and I composed since the age of 12.
That's right, I wrote hit
songs at the age of 15.
Not many people heard them
but they were hit songs
and if you've ever played an
instrument or done something
creative, there's always
occasionally that spark of
inspiration that happens
when you least expect it.
if you try to compose something or create
something right now, forcing yourself,
like okay, compose, "I
don't fucking know."
It just doesn't come.
But then you're just kind of like eh,
or you might have this in the shower
and something just (fingers snap) ignites.
You're like "Whoa" and then
you're like "Shit, this
is amazing" and you just
start fucking around with it.
You tell your friends, say
you're doing music, like check
this out and you're like
composing this amazing song.
During that moment,
there's a certain knowing
inside of you that this
song is gonna be great
and when people hear it,
they're gonna love it
and when I finally record
the perfect studio version
of the song, goddamn, it's
gonna change everything, okay?
But you enjoy every second of it.
You're in no hurry to get there
because you know it's going to happen.
It's not like, "Oh, I'm composing.
Fuck this, let's just get to the end.
Let's just get to the recording."
No, you love every part of it and you know
it's gonna happen and that
ideally is how life should be.
You know everything's
going well, it's all good.
Enjoy the journey.
I can see it in your
eyes looking right here
who the fuck is alive, who
is connected to that calling,
who is acting out of authenticity
and who is just fucking dead inside.
I know who you are.
Dead inside, doing something,
they don't like something
that's not authentic to them,
trying to please people they
don't give a fuck about.
Just existing.
Another day, another
day, I'm old, I'm dead.
Okay?
They have no idea and you can also
catch yourself here by
how much you escape life.
When you go home after work,
what's the first thing you do?
Let's put the next Netflix show on,
the next "Game of Thrones."
The next movie, the next TV
show, the next YouTube video.
How often do you escape yourself?
How often do you escape your life?
We're taught that what we
want, what our calling is,
that little voice in the back
of your head right now, to ignore it.
No?
From the moment you're fucking born,
it's like you shouldn't feel that way.
It's like, no, no, no. Don't do that.
Do that to please him,
do that to please her,
et cetera, et cetera.
You're raised as a fucking people-pleaser.
You're raised to literally
believe that your own needs,
that little voice, your little dream
is completely bullshit, it's pathetic.
It's a little child dream.
Grow up motherfucker, grow up.
That's what you're taught, you know?
And we all have it like growing up.
Like I remember as a kid
and fortunately I had some
people around me that kept
pushing me to keep that alive
but even I lost touch with
it for quite some time.
But I remember, like my grandmother
for example would keep it alive.
Like she'd see it and be like
that gift, that calling of say
being a little creative,
you know, I love music,
I love drawing and she'd
always encouraged me.
A lot of other people would be like,
"What do you want to do when you grow up?"
I'm like, "I don't know, maybe
something and be in a band."
"That's stupid. That's not mature."
I'm like (groaning) and you
start doubting yourself.
And then after awhile
you're like, "You know what?
Fuck that voice. I guess I
don't know what's best for me."
No?
And then you start living,
trying to please other
people, living their dream.
Most people, everything
they do is for their parents
and they can't drop it to this day.
Another client I have on Skype,
he's 40-something years old
and he's still run by his
parents' expectations of him.
Even though there's absolutely
no repercussions in his life right now,
there's still a feeling of guilt
when he pursues something that's
say more authentic to him.
He loves for example
movies, creating movies,
directing movies, like that's his calling
but his mother always shamed him for it.
Saying "No, you're gonna
be a fucking lawyer.
You're gonna be a doctor.
What's this movie shit,
you immature cunt?"
Now she didn't say that to her fucking son
but that was again the
way he was conditioned
and now even as he's older,
it's like he's doing it,
which is great but there's
still that feeling of guilt.
Like (fearful moaning).
Like she's gonna come out of
the fucking corner and
slap him or something
and we're run by this and
then you find yourself
living this life that's not
a life of your own design.
It's not something you wanted
and then you're like, "What the fuck?"
You're doing something you don't want
to please people who aren't you
and you've lost touch with yourself
and you've been doing
it for so fucking long,
you can't even connect
with yourself anymore.
That little voice, "You should do this.
Don't shove me in the corner, do this,"
you've been shoving it back,
"Shut up, motherfucker."
gone and you can't even
find that voice anymore.
You can't even find that little seed just
of what you could be authentically
if you'd listen to it
and there you are just
fucking lost, drifting.
Yeah? Anyone relate to this, by the way?
It's crazy, yeah, absolutely insane
and it's the worst state to be in
because you can't find a fucking way out.
You know it's not this
but then you don't know
what and you're stuck
and what kind of life is that?
And the more you do it, the
more dead inside you become.
Another test to see this is
what excites you, what
are you passionate about?
You don't know?
You're not in touch with yourself.
For me personally, I used to identify
a lot with these self-destructive artists.
That was me.
Any movie, I'd just look for the person
who's a little bit
self-destructive and this
started from a very, very
young age and because of that,
this you could say was
part of my identity.
From a young age, I'm the
self-destructive artist.
By doing so, I find significance.
I feel important, I feel
different than everyone else.
From my perspective,
everyone else is just
following the regular route.
Succeeding, being the hero.
I'm the self-destructive person.
I'm different. I'm better.
That's why you do so, you find
a certain significance in it.
Now once this identity is formed,
I'm gonna start acting
from it and every day
that passes that I act from
this identity, I invest in it.
I'm gonna start forming different beliefs,
different assumptions built on this
and assumptions built on
that and built on that.
There's this whole structure that emerges
built on this self-destructive artist.
Now, consciously let's get in shape,
new year's resolution
and you might do a little sprint
using willpower, using effort.
However, if I'm self-destructive,
can I be fully healthy?
No 'cause then you're no
longer self-destructive.
If I'm self-destructive,
can I have a healthy, nice,
long lasting relationship?
No 'cause then it's no
longer self-destructive.
Self-destructive means
you're destroying shit,
shit's exploding,
there's drama everywhere.
Can I be successful?
No 'cause if I make it,
I'm not self-destructive.
Consciously, why, why, why?
But that's why.
This part of you is getting
exactly what it wants
and it's a lot scarier to succeed
and drop this because if you
let go of this, if this is wrong,
you're no longer self-destructive,
everything built on it is wrong too
and you're left with a big unknown.
Instead of running away from it,
instead of distracting yourself,
instead of trying to escape it,
instead of trying to compensate for it,
why not face it directly?
Why not face that inner hell?
And step one, just looking around here
is realizing you're
not alone and it's not,
huh, if it's not just me,
because that's one thing
paint will do, it's like
it's just you by yourself.
If it's all of us, it kind of
gives you that extra
courage to dive into it.
Because this is where
like that really deep,
intense work begins.
we think it's going out
and like putting ourselves
in intense situations
and that's scary as fuck.
I remember my first times
going up and even saying hi
to a stranger, so scary but
diving into your inner demons,
it's going into hell and
you've gotta be ready for that.
But when you do, and someone
asked me that before,
like "What's one thing you'd tell me?"
It's like keep going.
The only way out is through.
You've tried everything to avoid it.
You've tried everything
to run away from it.
At what point are you gonna confront it?
You've probably spent your entire life
trying to fix that inner hell,
doing everything, getting
more money perhaps,
more external results, more success,
more validation, more
love, more relationships,
better partner, whatever it is.
Yet did it change that
inner hell? Most likely not.
It might've temporarily distracted you.
It might've temporarily
numbed it a bit but that's it.
If you just sit by yourself
sober for a day or two,
you're right back in it.
If you do nothing, like
this is the ultimate test,
do nothing for a week.
I mean eat obviously and
sleep but if you do nothing,
you take no substances,
you don't watch TV,
you don't distract yourself,
you don't go out and do like
all these little events.
You just sit with yourself,
hang out with yourself,
you're right back in hell.
No?
Crazy.
That's the thing I realized by the way,
and you might've heard
me talk about this before
right before the scandal, I was
like "Here, have everything"
yet if I sit alone a little
too long, I'm back in hell.
At what point are you like
"Hey, maybe this approach won't work?"
We live in a world of denial
filled with denialists.
What is a denialist? You.
Just him, no one else.
No. Everyone, okay?
One simple example.
How you doing?
Good?
- Good.
- Okay, that is a denialist.
"How are you doing?" "Good."
Really?
You can test this, just ask
a friend like "Hey, how's a going?"
"Good," the autopilot response.
"Oh good, how are you doing?"
"How's it really going?"
Just add that word really.
"No, no, no, not how's it
going, how's it really going?"
"Well, I kind of feel empty inside.
I don't have much success with women.
That's why I'm here and
I kind of hate myself
and my mom has this sickness
and I'm dealing with that
and there's all this
stress and my small dick
and all this shit and
fuck, I just want to die."
So you're saying that is good?
Okay, that is a denialist
where basically, and it's not
just you, I'm just fucking
around here, it's everyone.
We live in this world where
everyone is walking around
pretending and this is a
simple surface layer example
but we're all pretending
everything is fucking peachy,
everything is fine when we
have the shit inside of us
that is eating us, that is controlling us,
that is running us where
most of the things you do
here today is run by this
shit, trying to escape it,
trying to change it, trying to fix it
and we're all pretending
like there is no shit inside.
It's like we're all walking
around on fucking fire
and we're like, "We're not on fire."
"Are you on fire?" "Hell
no, so fucking chill."
And it's shocking to see.
Here is what it's like to be fucking you.
At a core, that's you.
Here's your personality,
a lot of what you've
developed in a reaction
to feeling shitty at a core
and here's your life situation.
We think that more money, more friends,
better house, better job, get older,
all this shit is gonna
change it, it doesn't.
Go a little deeper, okay,
money doesn't buy happiness everyone.
Focus on your personality,
positive affirmation,
more books, blah, blah, blah,
blah, blah, doesn't work
and we just keep doing
that and then we die.
What we don't realize is
that this comes first.
These are simply the effects.
This is at the cause, this
affects this, this affects that.
If there's one thing you take
from this event, it's this.
Wherever you go, there you are.
It doesn't matter what you do
in terms of your life situation.
It doesn't matter what you
do in terms of personality.
There you fucking are
and reflect back on all those things
you thought would change everything.
Those things you thought would work.
"When I finally get a girl,"
most likely you got a girl.
Here you are chasing something else.
"When I make more money,"
you're making more money.
Now you're chasing something else.
We're always just chasing
something else. It's endless.
At what point are you like,
"What am I doing? What
the fuck am I doing?
"When I read more books,"
how many books you need to fucking read?
You probably read a ton.
"When I do more classes," how
many classes you gonna take?
What the fuck are you doing?
It's really that what
the fuck are you doing?
But do we want to acknowledge this? No.
Because it literally means
acknowledging that everything
you've been doing here has
been a fucking waste of time.
Say I give you a map.
You know here we're in Vienna,
like here's a map of Berlin.
Find your way around Vienna.
How are you gonna find your way around?
What if you take on a
very positive attitude?
Are you gonna find your way around?
What if you hustle a lot?
What if (chuckles) you drink a green juice
with the map of Berlin?
No? What if you read a lot of books?
No? What if you use positive affirmations?
What if you're just a
little more grateful?
Are you gonna find your way around?
- Nope.
- No,
because that's the wrong fucking map.
Now let's just say you're
born and from the moment
you're born, I'm like "Hey,
here's the map of Berlin.
Go find your way around."
And your entire fucking life you're trying
to find your way around Vienna
using this map of Berlin.
Here you are, an adult
and I come up to you
and I'm like "Hey, it's the wrong map."
Are you going to accept that?
Are you gonna be like "Oh,
thanks for telling me?"
Or are you gonna be like, "Fuck that.
I've spent way too much energy,
I've spent my entire life
trying to make this map work.
I've become the map. My ego is the map.
I've invested so much into this map.
There is no fucking way I'm dropping it"
because it means acknowledging everything
you've been doing has
been completely wrong.
It's literally like you've been
playing like a gambling game
and you've just your entire
life put money in the pot,
put money in the pot and I'm like "Hey,
just let it go, you're not gonna win."
You're like "Fuck no, all my money's
in there and more, keep going."
And we just keep going.
We'd rather just live
in this state of denial,
trying to make this map work
'cause it's way too scary to let go of it.
It kills your ego and who
are you without the map?
And then we just live our lives that way.
How will I know when I will
have let go completely?
Julien, what about letting
go of trauma completely?
No, I don't know why the accent.
(audience laughs)
Weird.
That's actually, the British accent
is the one accent I just suck at.
I completely suck it.
I can do the French accent very good
and the Australian accent
pretty damn good mate, yeah.
But British, fuck off, fuck off.
But no, we do that.
It's like when will I have done that?
But that's the thing,
it's like by doing that,
when will I have let go
completely or done so and X, Y, Z?
It's like it means it's not right now.
The truth is you will
have let go completely
when that question stops arising, why?
Because the more you let go,
the more you're okay
with who you are here.
The more you embrace who you are here,
the more you embrace that you've passed
the finish line and if you
embrace who you are here,
there's no longer a rush
to be anywhere else.
The whole idea of I need
to be somewhere else
is based on self-hate and
resistance to being you.
The more you accept being you,
that question will stop popping up
because you won't need to escape yourself.
There is the real world in
which you are right here
sitting down, listening to
me, watching me in this room.
But then there's another
world that happens where?
Right in there.
That's right.
There is a virtual world
that happens in your phone
and there are two you's.
There's the you that's here
that looks the way you look,
that thinks the way you think,
that feels the way you feel
and there is your virtual avatar.
The you that exists in a magical,
distant place called Instagram.
Although it's a joke, it's
actually very serious.
There are two worlds
and there are two you's.
There's the real you and
there's the avatar that is you
and unfortunately what happens
due to the way that we're
conditioned is we tend to
overvalue that virtual world,
that virtual reality and that virtual us,
that avatar versus the real world.
What we're actually feeling,
what we're actually going
through, where we are here today.
People undervalue real life
and they overvalue fake life
to the point where you don't even
really care what you look
like physically here.
Like you could look like shit,
you wake up in the morning and you're like
"Ah fuck, I look horrible.
Ah man, I look like
Gerard Depardieu, huh?"
You liked that one.
So anyway, you can look
like complete shit.
But you're like, "You know
what? It's okay, it's okay."
Don't worry, you look
like shit in the mirror
and in real life but there is one place
where you don't have to look like shit.
All you have to do is use a filter, right?
Take a fucking Instagram
pic, blast a filter,
go on Photoshop, slim yourself out a bit,
yeah, get the fucking eight pack there,
post it on Instagram and
that's what people see, right?
Literally you'll be sitting there
like behind your computer
in your boxers and shit,
gut hanging out just like a piece of shit.
Like Gerard Depardieu but on
your fucking picture,
you look ripped as shit.
People have this on Tinder,
on dating apps, everywhere.
Those pictures online are so good, right?
To the point where some
people are afraid of even
going on dates 'cause they
know, they just know that
that other person's gonna be
like (disgusted groaning).
In social media,
Instagram, Facebook videos,
there's lighting, there's editing.
There's a thing called Photoshop.
What you're seen most of
the time is not the truth.
And this one's big say if
you're trying to be healthy
and you're looking at
your body in the mirror
and then you look at all these
Instagram workout people,
guys or girls and you're
just like "Oh my god,
how can I have that body, what the fuck?"
But then you also don't realize that
there's lighting and
shadows and if you were
actually transported in
the room where there's
the lighting and shadows
where they took that picture,
you would look way different than
you do now at home in front of the mirror.
There's also something called
fasting before a picture
or the pump if you're a guy or a girl,
if you're like really
working out where you really
like pump up some fucking
blood in your muscles and you
look way bigger than when
you wake up in the morning.
There's all these different
things that we don't consider.
Okay?
People also put out different videos,
like "Hustling 24-seven"
and then you're like
"Why am I not hustling 24-seven? I suck."
Just 'cause they say they're hustling
24-seven doesn't mean
they're hustling 24-seven.
So it does reinforce a lot
of unrealistic standards,
unrealistic requirements
that then we try to meet
and we judge ourselves
by and you just can't win
that game 'cause it's
not real, it's not true.
Since the end of your childhood,
nothing new has occurred.
Now when you hear this, what
are you probably thinking?
What are you talking
about? My balls dropped.
(audience laughs)
I don't know where that came from.
Nothing new has occurred.
Now you're like, "Well
of course, I've grown up.
All these new experiences.
I got a job now.
I moved out. A lot of new
things have occurred."
Yes, on the surface.
But looking beneath the surface,
has anything really changed?
The physical is changing
but is it possible that
that is just an illusion?
Let's take this example,
in a group of friends,
everyone has a certain role.
If we take say four people,
five people, you all have a role.
You're either the main person, the leader,
you're the number two,
you're the class clown, the funny one,
you're the loser, the bottom person who,
you know, people don't mind having around
but you always have to go out of your
own way to be invited to different things.
Like say it's us four
and say you're the loser.
Say I'm the loser, it's us four,
if right now it's like
"Let's go see a movie,"
the leader, number two, class clown,
we'll just say random and loser,
"Let's go see a movie."
"Fuck yeah, let's go see a movie."
Now for us, like the
class clown might joke
around like, "Yeah,
let's go see this thing"
and fucking joke around.
We're gonna stay a little
quiet because our opinion
doesn't matter as much,
they're gonna decide
and then whatever they
decide, we're like "Okay."
We never express it 'cause
there's not the status,
we don't have that rank.
Now for me, if I'm like
the loser of the group,
you won't mind me coming
along but it won't make
a difference to you whether
I come along or not.
You have friends like that?
Or you might resonate
with this where it's like
I'll have to text you
guys like, "Hey, hey,"
I won't necessarily text the leader
because that's too out of
rank but I might text you.
Like, "Hey, where's the movie?
What time are we going? Oh, can I come?
Oh, wait for me. Wait for me."
You always have to catch
up and of course when
I'm there, they're like,
"Oh, you're here, cool."
But no one's gonna be
like, "Hey, where's Julien?
We can't have fun without him."
Whether I'm there or
not, it doesn't matter.
Okay?
Now we all have this role.
We take it on during our childhood.
But it's funny how it's so
fucking hard to escape it, no?
We think that when we grow up, it changes.
But somehow you always find
yourself in the same role,
whether it's with your friends,
your new friends or at work.
Even if you move, you find
yourself in the same role.
How many times have we heard,
like "When I move, it'll all change?"
Like say you're even
someone who has no friends.
You think it's gonna change
when you move? Bullshit.
You might delay it.
You might have the
first initial encounters
but eventually you will find
a way back to your spot.
If you're the class clown,
you might delay it, put on a certain front
but eventually that new social circle,
that new group of people will start
labeling you as the class clown.
You find your way back.
Do you have experiences like this?
Like "When I move, it will be different."
Nope, it's the same.
So yes, it's new friends,
a new social circle, a new environment
but the same underlying
dynamics are still at play.
Am I making my life serious and heavy
and just not fun or not?
All this advice, any piece by the way,
can help you or hurt you.
Don't use it to hurt you.
Don't use it to judge yourself
to make your life heavier.
You're here to live,
remember, death on your mind.
You could die at any point.
Is that how you want to go?
Like, "Well I died but I spent
the last few years on
a very strict routine."
I mean, it's cool and I have routines.
It's not like all routine or no routine.
It's have some but also
allow yourself to live,
allow yourself to also fuck around a bit.
That's something I really see missing
in this whole field where
there was even a client I had,
a Skype client and she was
saying, "You know what?
I had my cheat meal today"
and I joked about it
with her but I was like,
"Here's my cheat meal."
And she was really tracking
down all her habits.
I was like, "What do you do for fun?"
She was like, "Well, I read for fun."
I'm like, "Oh, what do you read?"
"Only nonfiction, self-help
books that will benefit me."
I'm like "Okay, do you really socialize?"
"Sometimes when I talk about
self-help with my friends."
Like okay.
And she's like, "Here's my
cheat meal for the week."
And it's like two
squares of dark chocolate
with a calculated tablespoon
of peanut butter on it.
I'm like, "That's the saddest
cheat meal I've ever seen."
It's like (chirping) "That
was it for this week."
What?
No, like live, you have to live.
Go out and fuck around,
go out and like party with your friends.
It doesn't mean do that all
the time but like go and live
and it's crazy, you'll see this,
people who they might even,
you might hear this, they're
like "Okay, I'm gonna live,"
even just sit down and do nothing
like watch a movie, it's fine.
It's like "But what if it's
not a documentary? " It's fine.
You don't have to always be learning.
But then what you'll notice is you do this
and then you start judging yourself.
You're like, "I should be learning.
I could be learning more,
I could be reading more"
and you can't even enjoy relaxing.
Okay?
You gotta do both.
There are times where yeah,
you better be on point and you
better orchestrate your life
in the right way but then you
can also fuck around at times.
You're here to live.
You're here to milk life.
You're here to experience joy.
Don't make it so heavy, okay?
Break the rules.
All these rules, spiritual rules,
self-help rules are meant
to be broken at times.
Not all the time but at times.
You get hooked on being broken.
You get hooked on something
being wrong with you.
You get hooked on believing
you always need healing, right?
It's crazy how that works
and I've been seeing this
pattern come up more and more
where people will even
get into say spirituality,
like letting go and instead of using
the process to let go, what do they do?
They use the process
as another requirement
to resist who they are
and to hate themselves.
Okay?
We all have this, a list of requirements
and you know, barriers to self-love.
Right now if I ask you, "Do
you want to love yourself?
Do you want to feel amazing here?"
Yeah?
- Yeah.
- Do you feel amazing?
Like "Well, I guess so."
Could you feel better?
Why don't you feel better?
Think about it, right now
at this moment in time,
there is no reason for you
to not feel fucking amazing.
Like top of the top,
like basking in self-love,
like coming on the inside.
There's no reason, right?
There's no one sitting there
next to you punching you, right?
There's no reason, you're
sitting here in this room.
So why is it?
All of these requirements for me to feel
at peace and awesome,
this needs to happen,
this needs to happen,
this needs to happen,
this needs to happen
and this does not happen
and this does not happen
and this does not happen.
Massive attachment, massive resistance.
This goes back to Buddhism,
massive attachment, massive aversion.
And the whole process of letting go
is releasing this
resistance and attachment.
However, you can also use
and fall into the trap
of using this process
of letting go as simply
adding it as another requirement
where it's like okay,
not only do I need all of
this to happen and all of this
to not happen but I also now
need to let go of all of that
and always be releasing and
dah, dah, dah, dah, dah.
More conditions to hate yourself.
Remember this, any piece of advice
can be used to either
help you or hurt you.
Any piece
can be used to love
yourself or hate yourself.
Okay?
So you cannot use this
work, including self-help
as more barriers to hate yourself
and you'll see people go
down that rabbit hole.
It's like, "Well, now I need to let go."
And then you get into
even say trauma healing.
"Now I need to do this thing
and now I need you to do this practice
and then I also learned
about this practice
and I need to do that, I need to do that."
In the self-help world, it's "Okay,
well now I also need to hustle more,
I need to take my supplements,
I need perfect health
and I need to do that
and I need to do that" and it's
compulsive and it's endless.
Okay? Do you ever have that?
Like in the self-help,
traditionally it's like
"I need to work out to feel amazing
but then I need to go
to the sauna to detox
and now I don't feel amazing 'cause
the toxins in me and I
need all my supplements
and if I miss one supplement, goddammit,
everything fucking sucks
and I don't feel the same."
That's the same trap and
what is it all reinforcing?
That you currently are broken.
Someone who's at the bottom,
who believes that they're
kind of down here,
they don't deserve much,
if you compliment them,
they won't see your compliment.
What will they see?
A sarcastic attack.
A mean remark.
You walk down the street,
someone's like, "I like your shoes."
You're gonna be thinking, "Fuck
that noxious motherfucker.
How dare they make fun of my shoes?"
So you don't even see it as a compliment.
As you move up, you might
see it as a compliment
but you'll have to push it away.
"Nice shoes." "Oh, these are nothing."
And then only then will you let it land.
"Nice shoes." "Thank you."
Right?
Now just this example, the compliment,
how could this affect your life
in terms of different opportunities?
What are opportunities that
are right there for you
that could change your life
in ways you cannot imagine
that you don't even see as opportunities?
Just like that person who sees
a compliment as a sarcastic insult.
The limitations, the
blinders we have are insane.
This is why we're just stuck
in this same little realm.
We think that our life is changing.
We're just running around in circles.
Like for real, we think we're going up
and then a little thing
happens, we keep going up
but in reality, here's your
what you think you deserve,
you go up and then you might
pierce through it a little bit
but because it's too good
for you, you fuck it up
and then you go back up,
pierce through it, fuck it up.
Pierce through it and you
have the illusion that
you're moving up but you're
just staying under this line.
Think about it, all your goals,
New Year's resolutions,
it's always the same shit.
"This year is the year
I will get in shape."
Does it happen?
No.
"This is the year I will make money.
This is the year I'll be more confident.
This is the year I'll put myself
out there more, take more risks."
Stuckness.
There's concentration-based meditation
and mindfulness-based meditation.
Concentration-based is the mainstream form
of meditation where it's
like, you know what?
Focus on the present
moment, focus on the now.
Ding, if you're familiar
with Eckhart Tolle.
It's the one where you ask someone,
like "Hey, so you meditate?"
They're like "Yeah, I meditate.
It's part of my morning routine.
I just sit there for 20 minutes."
Cool, and you can focus on a mantra,
you can focus on a spot on
the wall, whatever it is.
You're focusing, you're concentrating
and in a way, you're
trying to pursue presence.
Now are there benefits to this? Yes or no?
- Yes.
- Yeah.
As opposed to not meditating,
this is amazing, okay?
I did that for a few
years and you'll see it,
it calms you down, you're able to focus
on something for a longer period of time.
It's a good little escape on occasion
from your problems but
here's what I realized.
It doesn't really address the problems.
Because what happens?
Say right now you're stressed.
You're like, "Ah, I'm stressed"
and there's worry and fear, et cetera,
et cetera, there's all the problems.
"I want to feel at peace, you know?
I want to pursue presence,"
focus on the now.
There's all the problems
you're focusing on the now.
Guess what, if you keep
focusing on the now,
eventually these problems
will start fading away.
They're out of your awareness
'cause all your awareness is on the now.
But then what happens if you
stop focusing on the now?
Right back in the problems.
You feel that?
It's like during those 20
minutes, it feels great.
But as soon as you're done,
it's like "Well, I'm back as I was before.
That was a good vacation."
That's what it is.
So that's concentration-based.
Mindfulness-based is instead
of pursuing presence,
we realize presence.
Instead of pursuing
peace, we realize peace.
How?
Instead of focusing on the
now to avoid the problems,
we focus on the problems
and then if you process and let go
and release those problems,
there's nothing pulling you
away from the now or peace.
Do you get it? The two approaches.
Problems, "I'm escaping
them by focusing on the now"
or "Let me focus on the problems,
get rid of 'em, so I'm
just present by default."
That's mindfulness-based
but it's not very pleasant.
Why? Because you're facing
all those inner demons.
You're facing the problems,
the things you're trying to get rid of
by focusing on the now,
by pursuing presence
and we're so used to escaping,
we don't want to face those inner demons.
There's compounded resistance
around facing your inner problems.
You've been running away
from them your entire life.
This is probably why you're even
in personal development,
to fix the problems,
run away from the problems.
Mindfulness meditation is stop, turn,
jump into the problems in
order to let go of them.
Focus on the stuff
that's not that pleasant
in order to free yourself from it.
Focus on the past to free
yourself from the past.
Now here you hear advice too,
"Well no, if you focus on the past,
what's gonna happen, you're
gonna stay stuck in the past.
Keep your eye on the future," right?
But here's the thing.
If you don't address that,
you're just gonna keep
recreating it in the future.
It doesn't mean stay stuck on the past.
It's focus on it and let go of it.
Okay?
The same with negative thoughts.
A big movement which I'm sure you're
aware of is the Law of Attraction movement
or the positive thinking movement, right?
Think positive thoughts.
Now depending on where
you're at on the map,
that can be amazing.
If you're someone who
is in a lot of self-hate
and self-attack and
you just feel horrible,
telling that person to
proactively think positively
will actually give them some relief
but it doesn't truly get to the cause.
Okay?
You can try to convince yourself as much
as you want, "I'm positive, I'm positive"
but there still might be that little voice
in the background saying
"No you're not, you loser.
Your mom should have aborted you."
"No, I'm positive, I'm positive."
You gotta address that
and here's the thing with
the Law of Attraction.
Whether that's true or
not, based on my experience
and what I've seen, I
believe it's definitely true,
here's the thing.
Thoughts are active out of your awareness.
If you're like "I'm positive"
but there's still in the
background, "No, you're not,"
that's active and that's why the Law
of Attraction doesn't
work for so many people.
You ever find it funny?
You know, think positive thoughts
and you'll manifest positive things.
Yet you go to these events
of Law of Attraction and
it's filled with losers.
It's like well, wait a minute.
Where is all this manifestation, yo?
"Well I just gotta do
it a few more years."
No, it's 'cause you don't address
the stuff in the background,
the stuff that's out of your awareness.
Don't use positive thinking
as a way to escape negativity.
Positive thinking isn't
something that you should do.
It should just be the default
when you let go of negative
thinking but to let go of
it, you must focus on it.
Except that right now you believe
that you don't deserve success.
If you did, you'd be fucking successful.
Right now, you don't believe it.
There might be parts of you that
believe it but not all that is you.
There's a lot of stuff inside that might
be telling you you don't
deserve that, that's not you.
You're not part of the cool kids.
You're not part of the successful people.
You're not part of the healthy people
and if you do an audit on your life,
the situation you're in, the things,
let's just say the norm,
you know, you can go back say a few years
and just look at the norm,
you know, do an audit,
look at how much money you had over
the past few years in your
bank account on average,
look at your health over the
past few years on average
and that average is what you
think you deserve in life.
That's your comfort zone in life.
Okay?
Now what are you probably thinking?
That's not true. I wouldn't be here.
I'm here to try to get more.
But until you acknowledge that,
nothing will change and you will just keep
being pulled back to what
you think you deserve.
Your core identity, who you
believe you are at a core.
This is me and this is what I deserve
when it comes to my health,
wealth and relationships.
Anything more than that is not for me.
This is where self-sabotage kicks in.
Beneath this point, it's all good.
Okay?
In terms of socializing, this
is when you become stifled.
Right?
If you talk to someone you believe
is on the same level as
you, same league as you,
you don't run out of things
to say, you don't get nervous.
You talk to someone you believe
you're outside their league,
you don't run out of things to
say, it's just kinda natural.
But suddenly when you talk to someone
you believe is outside
your league, you freak out.
That's not me. Does not compute.
Not for me.
Go back to what I know, push success away.
We do this when it comes to health,
this is why people go on
little health sprints.
They know the thing.
It's like oh, don't eat
the burger, go to the gym.
They do it and then after
awhile, this is not for me.
This is not the lifestyle for me
and they find a way
back to what they know.
Okay?
And the same with money.
You've all heard about the
lottery winners who win and they
spend it all and we all
think they're so dumb, right?
That's what I thought for years.
I was like why is it that
only stupid people win the lottery?
In fact, it was fascinating.
I'm like man, I can't
wait for the day that
someone who's smart wins
because they would keep it.
No, they all lose it.
Why? That's not for me.
If someone gave you more money than
you're used to getting,
here's the little test, okay?
Here you have a certain amount that
you're used to getting
and a certain lifestyle.
If suddenly someone gave
you an extra 10K, boom,
what's the first thing that's
gonna go through your mind?
What can I spend this on now?
To go back to what I know and
it'll be subtle, by the way.
I've experienced this.
When I first started making more money,
the first thing that went through my mind
is I need to spend this now and literally
because I was traveling,
I couldn't buy that much.
Like I could fill my
suitcase and that was it
and I just start scrolling
through Amazon looking for things
that I needed but that I
didn't know that I needed yet.
You know, if you've ever done that,
you're kind of scrolling,
like is there anything I need?
Anything that pops up
that I'll realize I need?
That is the alternate form of like
trying to go back to what you know.
You don't have to spend the money.
There's nothing you really need.
It's like, "Oh, it's Amazon Prime Day.
Gotta scroll through and find something."
Insane, right?
Some of the questions
you want to ask yourself
is number one, why do you hate success?
Why is success bad? Why is success scary?
Why don't you deserve success?
Why is that not for you?
And the hardest part here will be
to get past the autopilot
to success is for me.
Okay. Of course it is,
I'm not saying it isn't.
I'm saying track the parts of you
that believe it's not for you.
You don't see the world as it is.
You see it as you've been
conditioned to see it.
Okay? Really sit down with this.
You don't see the world
as it is right now.
The way you're all looking at me,
you don't see me the
same way as your neighbor
and that person's neighbor
and that person's neighbor.
You're all seeing this weird
morphed version of me, okay?
If you're someone who,
let's just take this example, loves me,
you're probably seeing me
with the fucking glitter
Instagram filter, hearts
flying out and you're
like "Goddamn, I just want
to suck him off," you know?
That's your reality right
now.That's who you're seeing.
If you're someone who's not a fan of me,
you're probably like, "You know what?
He's actually pretty short.
What's he talking about? Fuck that guy."
That's what you're seeing.
You're probably seeing me
a little shorter than I actually am.
We all filter things that way.
Going even deeper, it
depends on how you feel.
If you're someone who feels anxious a lot,
you're gonna be filtering
this room with "Oh man,
are people staring at me, what
are they thinking about me?
What about the people behind me?
Are they judging the back
of my head? Holy shit."
That's what you're gonna experience, okay?
If you're someone who's angry,
you might look for reasons to be angry.
You're like, "You know what?
The AC is a little loud.
I don't know about this
fucking temperature.
I don't know about the lighting.
These chairs are not the most comfortable
and tomorrow I gotta talk
to my boss, fuck that."
It's like that's your reality, okay?
Now,
you could say, okay,
that's there's you,
there's the world as it is
and then there's the frame.
Another way of viewing it
is you're wearing different
sunglasses or glasses
with different filters.
Now, that was a simple example
but let's go back to your
reality and let's go back to not
only the fact that you're
not seeing the world as it is
but what conditioned the
glasses you're wearing?
What has affected the
glasses you're wearing?
What are the glasses?
Okay?
Here's one that we all have.
You can view these glasses
as being programmable.
We all have "I'm not good
enough" programmed into them.
Literally, you're born and they put those
glasses on and it's like,
"You're not good enough."
This happens due to the way
that you're conditioned.
This happens also because
everyone else believes it as well.
So those are the glasses you put on.
That's the frame through which
you view the world and the
frame through which you've
lived your life to this day.
Now you could also be in school as a kid
and have someone tell you you're stupid.
There's one example, a teacher's like,
"You know what, you're dumb"
and you might believe it.
And guess what?
Now that is programmed into
the glasses that you're wearing
and you're filtering
the world from that day
through this lens of I'm
stupid, I'm stupid, I'm stupid.
Okay?
Here's another example.
Let's just say there's a movie
you're really excited to see.
Here's two ways of experiencing that movie
and it could be any movie.
Let's just say a movie you're
super psyched to go see.
You're like, "Holy shit, I can't wait."
And let's just say walking
into the theater, people
are walking out and you hear,
"Eh, it wasn't that good."
Now guess what?
That seed is planted,
that affected the glasses.
The lenses changed and when
you're watching that movie,
it's gonna be in the back affecting
what you see and how you
experience the movie.
You're gonna be looking for
things like, "You know what?
Maybe the lighting here is
not as good as it could be.
I can see why those people
said it wasn't that good."
You're gonna be looking for reasons
for it to not be that good.
Okay?
Just hearing that influenced
your experience watching the movie.
Now on the flip side,
someone could be walking out
and be like, "You know what?
That was the best movie ever,
way better than the last one."
And that will also affect
how you experience the movie.
Make sense?
Okay, now this is happening left and right
and this is where it all starts.
You gotta sit down and ask yourself
what glasses am I wearing right now?
What am I seeing?
And you can do an audit on your life.
But if you don't analyze that,
you will more often than
not just end up stuck.
The default is people fail at life.
It's harsh to say but it's true.
You want to know why it's true?
Going back to those
little Instagram videos,
what's one that gets
passed around all the time?
It's the motivational
deathbed video, right?
Where you see some old people
talk about their regrets.
They're like "You know,
I wish I would have allowed
myself to be happier.
I wish I would have allowed
myself to follow my dreams."
It's always the same too, right?
And it's just a variation
of old people saying that
and there's some little music and you're
just like "Oh, it's so inspiring.
Yeah, it's important to follow my dreams
and to allow myself to be happy."
And then you just scroll to
the next video and you
forget about it, okay?
But in the moment, it makes sense.
But take in just the
sadness of that video.
We see it and we're like,
"Oh, the old people on their deathbed."
No, those old people fucked up.
They messed up. You do realize that?
The last thing want to be in this world
is ending up on that video.
When I see those old people on that video,
I'm like please never,
ever let that be me.
That is the ultimate sign of failure.
Failure in a dictionary, the
old people in that video.
Literally. They wasted their lives away.
Now what's an even bigger failure
is you seeing that video and
then wasting your life away.
They didn't see themselves in the video.
They didn't know. You know.
You see the warning. It's
always the same two things.
Jumping at opportunities,
following my dreams,
allowing myself to be happy.
Yet 99.987%
of people ignore it.
That's the default, people fail.
They live lives of
regret and when they die,
they're like, "Oh, I was
so stupid, I messed up."
Very, very few people on their death bed
are like, "You know what, that
was a great life, I did it."
When do you see that?
- Never.
- Yeah, never.
It's crazy, right?
And we're like, "Well,
I'm modeling my friends.
Look, they're not doing it.
Joe at work, Sally at
work, they're not doing it.
So I guess it's fine.
I'm just gonna be with the pack.
I'll be safe. I'll be protected."
No, the pack fails.
You gotta stand out.
Don't do what the norm does.
Say I have right now GTA 20, okay?
It's not out yet, it'll
come out in many years.
It's the most amazing,
immersive GTA game ever.
I'm gonna lend it to you but
in seven days, I want it back.
Now you're gonna have that
game and you're gonna home
and you're probably gonna play it, right?
Are you gonna be excited
to play that game?
- Yeah.
- Yeah?
20 years in the future, You're like
"Oh, I'm gonna put it on"
and now you're in GTA.
Most likely, you have seven days,
you're gonna go explore, you're
gonna try everything, right?
It's this crazy new world.
You're like "What happens
over there and there?
Let me explore. See the mountains, whoa."
And then you return it and
when you give it back, I'm like
"Cool, did you enjoy it? What
did you do with the game?"
You're like, "I explored."
Think of life that way.
Here is life.
You come into life, you have your body,
that's the vehicle, here's the ride.
Eventually you're gonna have to give
the game back, the game of life.
What are you gonna tell the
person when you give it back?
They're like, "So, did you
enjoy life? What did you do?"
"Well I kind of coped
through it the entire time."
Oh. That's like saying, "So
what did you do with GTA?"
"Well, I just kind of stood still
the whole time and I
didn't really explore it
'cause it was a little scary and yeah."
Or people who compromise their
happiness or their purpose.
It's like "Well, I wanted to pursue
this and explore but you know,
I just played the taxi cab thing where
I would just collect cash the whole time
and I had a lot of cash at the end."
Did you have fun? Did
you do what you love?
"No but I collected a lot of
cash with the taxi missions."
Treat life that way.
Here you have life. You're
in the game, it's started.
How are you gonna play this game so that
you have to give it back,
you're like "That was awesome?"
Or are you just gonna
hold it back and cope
and play it in this very
sheltered way where you just
run in a building and just
hide in the building in GTA?
Which is unfortunately what
most people do in life.
And you don't get a
warning. Keep that in mind.
Well you do, when you're born.
We think that we will know
when our time is near.
That's not true.
You know your warning? You're born.
Everyone here was born. You're gonna die.
That's your warning.
This too, I find it crazy,
like when people find out like "Man,
what would change if I found out that
suddenly I had a disease
that was gonna kill me?
You know, I'd finally
do this, this, this."
I'm like how do you not realize
you have a disease right now?
You all have a disease.
You know what it is?
It's called being alive.
No one escapes.
None of us get out of
here alive. You all die.
And this disease, it'll
kill you 100% of the time
and it could kill you today,
it could kill you next week,
it could kill you in 50 years
but it is gonna kill you.
- We have clients that die,
because we work with so many people.
- Friends.
- Friends.
- Yeah.
Start opening your eyes to death.
Not in this like sad,
where you're like, "Oh,"
so on and so forth but
align yourself with reality.
- Yeah, I promise most of you are very
disassociated from your eventual death.
The vast majority of you,
not real to you at all.
- And it's not necessarily
in this like sad,
gloomy way either, it's just more so
live a life that's congruent
to reality, not fantasy.
- In fact, the awareness
of death is actually
the main thing that should make you happy.
- Yeah, In reality, it's also
that scarcity that allows
you to take in the experience
that is life more deeply.
Say you had all the time in the world,
you'd be like "You're gonna
live forever and ever (groans)."
It's the scarcity where you're
like "Let me enjoy this."
Like say right now I'm like,
"You are going to die in one minute."
You're probably gonna be like (sniffing),
air, what it feels like to breathe,
what it feels like, like
you immerse yourself.
Like the experience of this life
is much more intense
because of that scarcity.
So it's not so much that scarcity is bad.
It allows you to really
take in what life is
but don't be blind to it,
you aren't here forever.
Stop living like you're
gonna be alive forever
and then die and end up in
one of those Instagram videos.
I call these shadow
questions, if you're familiar.
It's like subconscious, unconscious,
the shadow, whatever you want to call it.
Those two worlds inside of you.
You have to ask the questions
that'll give you the data
to dive into and let go of.
So here's an example.
Why are you not good enough?
Now what does the mind
do? "I am good enough."
And that's why it's
called a shadow question.
Yes, you are good enough.
What you have to identify is
the answers that shoot up,
that little voice in the background,
"Well, you're not good enough."
You can even repeat it to yourself
and it's like because of
this, this, this, this.
Don't shut that voice down, take notes.
You're like okay, what else?
Now you have the stuff to work on.
Here's another shadow question.
Why do your parents not love you
and it's entirely your fault?
Now again, what does our mind do?
"That's a super dark
question and it's not true."
It's not about being true or
not. What answers shoot up?
That's stuff to dive into and you've gotta
get past that resistance to
diving into the negativity.
I must only think positive thoughts.
It's like, yo, if there's
a part of you that
thinks that and there's
an answer that shoots up,
until you address it,
it's going to run you.
You've gotta be aware of
all those negative things
to free yourself from
those negative things.
Why do you hate yourself?
Here's another one, why do
you not deserve success?
Why do you deserve to suffer?
Why is life hard for you?
Why are you unlovable? Why are you toxic?
Those are amazing questions
to start bringing some of that up.
It's audit, release, audit, release
while taking action, that
formula will change your life.
There's different advice for different
people at different levels
of their journey, okay?
In self-help, it's great.
You find out about things like
social momentum is an example, right?
It's like, "Hey, if I'm thinking a lot,
if I just minimize time in
between some interactions,
my mind won't have
enough time to kick in."
Does that work? Yeah, to a certain amount.
But it never fixes the problem, right?
You never get to the cause as to why
is your mind kicking in and overthinking?
You're just trying to battle it.
The same with people who
have social anxiety, right?
What's the traditional
approach to social anxiety?
Doing social anxiety challenges,
progressive desensitization.
Will you temporarily feel a
little bit more comfortable
socially if you put yourself
out there in different
social anxiety situations
and challenges, yes or no?
- Yes.
- Yeah.
You put yourself in front of,
say if you're scared of public speaking,
you go in front of a
crowd, you do it enough,
you'll desensitize yourself to it.
But only to a certain amount
and only as long as you keep doing it.
As soon as you stop doing
the challenges, what happens?
You fall back to ground zero.
So what's your solution?
If you're like, "I'm doing
anxiety challenges every day."
I hear people say that.
"I go out into the street
and I do my little challenges
and I talk to some
people and I sing a song
and people judge me and
now I feel very free."
I'm like okay, well are you
gonna do that 'til you're 80?
Is that your solution? To stay confident?
Are you gonna be like the
80 year old grandparent,
like "I'm going out to do my challenges?"
No, it doesn't work.
It only works so far.
It never gets to the cause as to why
you have social anxiety
to begin with, right?
The same with you with like consistency,
self-sabotage, you feel like
you keep being pulled back,
people will tell you, like "Okay well,
put good habits in place and different
boundaries so you just
don't have a choice."
Yeah, but it never addresses
that thing that just
keeps pulling you back.
Or you at the front, it's like "Well,
maybe I can force myself to drop the front
or come up with techniques to be more,"
it's like no, why do you have the front?
So so much of self-help never
gets to the cause, right?
The same with things like affirmations.
Affirmations.
"I am awesome. I am awesome."
Does that help?
- [Audience Members] No.
- Now you could say temporarily it could
but if a part of you deep down inside
believes that you're
not, it doesn't matter
how many times you tell
yourself you're awesome,
you're still gonna think that you're not.
We all have that voice in the background,
like "I am great, no you're not.
I am great. No, you're not.
But someone told me if
I said it 200 times,
maybe it wouldn't work."
after 200 times, try it.
That voice is still gonna say
"No, you're not" after, okay?
It doesn't get to the cause.
The biggest takeaway is you
must get to the cause, okay?
Now do these bits of advice,
like I said, help temporarily?
Yes, they help in a certain
paradigm and this is important.
It's the difference between
techniques and paradigms.
Techniques versus paradigms.
Paradigm you could say is the reality,
the map, the situation, right?
For example, here's a paradigm
of you having social anxiety.
In this paradigm, for someone
who has social anxiety,
does it help to do
social anxiety challenges
and to progressively
desensitize themselves to it?
Yes.
Right?
But you're still in the
paradigm of having it.
The key is instead of
looking for techniques
within that paradigm, drop
it and move to a paradigm
where you just don't have social anxiety
and you don't need all those
challenges and techniques.
I'm sure you've heard that
term, getting triggered, right?
It's passed around everywhere.
It's like there's
triggered memes and stuff.
But if you think about it,
what is getting triggered?
It's when your response is
disproportionate to reality.
Okay? Your buttons are being pushed.
If I take you,
any of you, like you and I bring you up
here in front and I make you sing a song,
you're probably gonna freeze.
For a lot of people, public
speaking is like close to death.
They freeze, they're like (gasping).
I'm just like "Sing!"
They're like (choking).
Like freaking out.
Now, is their response
proportionate to reality?
- No.
- No.
Is their life at risk? No.
The same with a lot of
social anxiety, right?
I've seen it for years.
It's like, "Hey, go
say hi to that person."
(gasping) Hanging on to me.
I'm like, "Come on, go say
hi." They're like "No."
It's like is their life at risk?
I guess it depends where you
live but in most cases, no.
Right?
So it's a disproportionate
response to the situation at hand.
Now to be clear, is there
some realistic social anxiety?
Yeah, you could say it's not
necessarily 100% comfortable.
There's situations where
there's a little bit of pressure
but so much of the
responses that people get,
the reactions is simply
them getting triggered
and they treat that as if it's real.
It's like, "Go say hi."
And they're like "Well, that's
a real fear, what can I do?"
And if you assume it's a real fear
and then you try to find
techniques, what happens?
It reinforces it and you're stuck.
Okay?
So understand that whenever
you're getting triggered,
whenever your response is
disproportionate to reality,
it's because something inside of you
that you've disowned is being poked at.
Okay?
So let's break this down and this is key.
You've heard me most likely
talk about trauma a lot, right?
And it's a big word, you
hear it and you're like,
"Wow, trauma, that's some
serious stuff, right?"
You might look back at your childhood,
your past and you're like well,
I've had a pretty cushy
past, no trauma there.
A lot of people believe that.
My past is pretty cushy too.
Right?
Good family in Switzerland,
loving parents still together.
Do you think I had trauma?
Yes or no?
- Yes.
- Of course.
Because everyone has trauma
and it comes down to
understanding what is trauma?
It's of course some big
word and we think oh,
trauma is like abuse
and violence and stuff.
And is that traumatic? Yes.
But what we fail to realize is that trauma
is anything that's just too
overwhelming for us to handle
and that depends on the person
and their perception of the world.
As a kid, you don't know
everything about the world.
If you're lost in a grocery store,
it could feel like you're about to die.
That can be traumatic.
As a kid being told, "Hey,
don't do that" can be traumatic.
If you depend on your
parents for survival,
your parents saying, "Don't do that,
you interpret it as them yelling at you."
If they yell at me, they don't love me.
They could abandon me, I die. Traumatic.
So we all experience trauma.
It's part of the human
condition you could say
and what happens is when we experience it,
in order to survive, we're going to disown
either the experience altogether
or a certain aspect of ourselves, right?
If you were loud in school
and the whole class shamed
you or laughed at you, right?
You might be like "This is the world.
The whole classroom's the
world, I'm gonna die."
So you take the part of you that's loud
and it's like (crunching)
never again, that's not me.
Right?
Putting yourself out there socially,
(gasping) let's never do that again.
Social aspect of me, never.
Loud, expressive, never.
And we have this split inside.
And then
as you grow,
there's layers and layers of resistance
that get added to it, it compounds
and here you are in your adult life.
Logically, if you look at the situation,
no reason to freak out,
go say hi (gasping).
Because that part of you
that you disowned back
then gets poked at, gets
triggered and shoots up
closer into your awareness and
the same survival instinct,
the same (gasping) "I'm going to die"
that you experienced when
you disowned it resurfaces.
And we treat that as real fear.
Or as soon as you get triggered,
you try to desensitize yourself to it
and that's why it doesn't work
and people will say "Well,
you just gotta live with it.
It doesn't get better but
that's just how it is."
No.
Get to the cause
where you own what's being
poked at and now guess what?
Those situations don't
push your buttons anymore.
You're free from it and you're left with
the realistic, appropriate
response to reality.
You can do this audit with
your life, analyze your life.
Where is my response
disproportionate to reality?
And you'll see small situations
where you're just triggered, right?
Someone cuts you off in traffic
and you're like "arg" and start going off.
You're like well, that was
disproportionate to reality.
There's one.
For a lot of people, it's a breakup.
They're run by a breakup years later.
That's not an appropriate
response to reality.
You'll see people even remarry, right?
Old people, they're like
"My first wife," they're
still triggered by it.
Is it sad to go through
a breakup? Of course.
But not something that should
ruin and run your life, right?
The same with you sitting at home alone.
For a lot of people, they
just can't spend time with
themselves because all that
stuff starts bubbling up.
That's not an appropriate
response to reality.
It's a subtle version of
you getting triggered.
And if you just look
at your life, like huh,
what if life didn't push my buttons?
Suddenly possibilities open up
and it's just like this very
freeing view of the world.
You're like, "Wow, I'd be so free."
And it all comes from diving into this
and processing and releasing
what's getting poked at.
Now that being said,
doing social anxiety
challenges, I personally love it
but my approach is very different.
Most people do challenges
to desensitize themselves.
Instead, why not do challenges
to proactively trigger yourself?
Because when you're triggered, whatever
is down there comes closer
into your awareness.
You can say this is what you're aware of,
this is what you're not aware of.
Way down here is all
the things you disowned
and it's a lot easier to
catch up here than down there.
Okay?
So in what I teach with
Transformation Mastery,
it's action, trigger, release, repeat.
That's the formula.
You want to proactively be triggering
yourself through action to then release
whatever gets triggered
and be free from it.
So say you take social anxiety.
You can do social anxiety challenges.
Put yourself in situations
and suddenly (gasping)
that disproportionate
response to reality kicks in.
Great, catch it, let go of it and repeat
until you're free from it completely.
This is what has personally gotten me
those results I've been after for so long.
Say this is you.
Okay?
And this is success
and you're trying to go there consciously.
You're like, "That's what I want."
And you know the action steps.
However, inside of you,
there's a little,
this is my horrible drawing, demon,
right?
A little demon in ya
and that demon's saying,
"Nah, you know what?
Failure, let's go there."
And it's like this tug of war.
People experience this whenever
you say, like you said,
"I'm gonna do it for 30 days and do this
and do the good habits" and
eventually you get pulled back.
It's like this invisible
force inside of you.
People do it with New Year's resolutions
to the point where it's now this joke.
No one takes it seriously.
Like of course you're gonna
give up New Year's resolutions.
No one sticks to it.
So we do temporary sprints and we all
have this force inside
of us that pulls us back
and what we try to do is we're like hey,
let's discipline this.
Willpower, work ethic, discipline.
That part of me that keeps pulling me
towards failure, let's
just whip it into shape.
That's work ethic.
Does it get to the cause? No.
You know what it does?
It just makes that little
demon even more mad.
Instead,
what about identifying
the part of you that is pulling you here,
identifying why, what's
keeping this alive,
letting go of it so that
there then is no more demon
and you're just aligned
and pulled towards success?
Instead of having this tug of war,
why not just align everything?
Instead of work ethic,
cultivate a work magnet.
Screw work ethic, that's
just you beating yourself up,
addicting yourself to self-hate,
a horrible experience
of the present moment.
Bring your awareness
to the core beliefs you have around money.
What comes up when you
hear the word money?
A lot of people even have like trouble
talking about money, just as a topic.
They're like "Oh, this is
a little uncomfortable.
I don't like talking about money.
Let's just keep it chill."
It's like talking about
religion or politics.
You're taught from a young age,
don't ever talk about that.
Keep it very chill. The same with money.
Don't talk about how much money you make.
Don't you dare ever ask anyone
how much money they make.
It's very taboo, right?
But for real, what comes up around money?
If you had to write down money equals,
how would you fill in the blanks?
Money equals dot dot dot.
- [Audience Member] Freedom.
- Now, that's beautiful.
Someone's like "Freedom."
And that's the conscious thoughts.
What's money? Freedom.
You know, abundance, so on and so forth.
But I did a challenge recently
and these were the beliefs
that did come up when people
are being true with themselves,
when they're being honest with themselves.
This is what came up around money.
Money equals scarce.
There's not much of it.
Money equals sacrifice.
To make money, you gotta make sacrifices.
It doesn't come easy.
Money is evil.
Money is bad.
Money requires a lot of effort.
You gotta put in a lot of work.
If you look at your life
right now and you're
not putting in a lot of
work, money is not for you.
People who make money, they work a lot.
They're very disciplined.
Money is scary.
There's a lot of responsibility
when you have money.
People are out to get
you. They want your money.
Money equals being a sellout.
You gotta compromise your authenticity.
If you do what you love,
you won't make money.
Money is greed.
Only greedy people make money.
Are you selfish?
Those are the people who make money.
They only care about
themselves, not others.
Money is not spiritual.
That's actually a really common one
pumped in the spiritual world.
If you're spiritual, you give
up all material possessions.
Go live in a hut, give up all money.
You can't be spiritual and have money.
You gotta look like a bum.
Only homeless people can be spiritual.
Money is toxic.
It poisons relationships.
It's not good for you.
Money is hard to get.
You can get it but it's very hard to get.
Money takes a long time to get.
You can't get it fast.
It requires years of effort.
Years of discipline, years
of work, years of mastery.
Money equals a lot of stress.
Money equals a lot of pressure.
Money, like having a lot of
money is unfair to others.
You're screwing other
people over by making money.
Money is dangerous. Money corrupts.
Money attracts and creates problems.
That's what comes up and funny enough,
this is how a lot of us are conditioned.
If I ask you, "What do
you think about the 1%?"
Great people? You like the 1%?
No, there's whole
movements that hate the 1%.
What's the first thing that
comes to mind when you think 1%?
You think greedy people, Donald Trump,
Wall Street, bankers, they're selfish.
They're screwing people over.
They keep all the money for themselves.
Did you know that most
of the money in the world
is controlled by a small
group of individuals, the 1%?
If they only shared, guess what?
We'd solve like hunger
problems in the world,
we'd solve poverty in the
world, it's all the 1%.
Anyone here hate the 1%?
Now there's a part of you that's like,
"Yeah, you know, screw the 1%."
You might be in groups that hate the 1%.
You might see articles saying
"Ah, the 1% at it again."
Here's the catch.
If you don't like the 1%,
you are guaranteeing a future
where you remain quite poor financially.
You will not allow yourself
to become wealthy. Why?
Because guess what?
If you think that being wealthy,
being the 1% is bad,
those are corrupt people,
now to be clear, are there
corrupt people in the 1%?
Of course, of course.
But there are corrupt people everywhere.
What I'm saying is what does
it do to your psychology?
If you think the 1% is
the worst people ever,
will you allow yourself to be wealthy?
No because if you allow yourself
to be wealthy, who do you become?
The 1%.
You become one of those greedy people.
The people who ruin the world.
The people who are selfish,
who keep the money.
The people who cause world hunger.
Do you want to be that?
- Yes.
- No. Someone's like "Yes."
- No, and this is the key.
This is what you really have to bring your
awareness to when it comes to core beliefs
is that there is a part
of you unconsciously that
is pushing money, that
is pushing success away.
Consciously of course
you want to make money.
But if there's a part of you that's like
"Money is bad, 1% is bad," you're going
to push it away because
you don't want to be bad.
Okay?
Another example is money
is a lot of responsibility.
You might believe that.
To make a lot of money,
you need to be very disciplined,
dedicate a lot of time, be very focused
and you might look at your life
and be like well, I'm not very focused.
I'm kind of a lazy person.
What do I do in my free time?
I come home after my
job, after my studies,
I throw on some Netflix
and I chill, right?
I put Netflix a bit, masturbate
a bit, put YouTube a bit,
masturbate a bit, get a
little tired, eat a bit,
masturbate some more, put
some Netflix on and pass out.
Now, this is funny in a way
but it's also quite sad because
a lot of those laughters are
laughters of recognition.
And I know this.
(audience laughs)
Well one, my past when
I was very miserable,
that was a lot of my days was
trying to escape my days where
I'd come home and literally was
like food, TV, masturbation.
And I also know this because
literally a lot of the clients,
95% I'd say, that's how
they spend their free time.
I ask them, "What do you
do in your free time?"
It's like "Well, I come home
and I'll watch YouTube."
YouTube is a big one and it's
I guess better than Netflix
'cause you're learning
and then it's masturbate,
YouTube and sleep, every
day, that's their lives.
If they audit their day to
day life, its obligations,
whether it's job or studies and then porn,
Netflix, YouTube, sleep.
It's quite sad.
But say that's you, that's your life.
You look at it and you're like
well, am I very disciplined?
No, I can't even keep my hand, gosh.
I don't think money's for me.
If money only goes to people
who are very disciplined and
work a lot and I don't work
a lot, then it's not for me.
And that reinforces that
belief and guess what?
Part of you is going to push money away.
Right?
If you believe money corrupts people,
this is common in the artistic world.
If you're someone who's very artistic,
you might be a musician,
so on and so forth
or an artist, you're like, "You know what?
I don't want to sell out on my art."
And there's a certain pride in being poor
where you're like "Okay,
well I see some people
make money but this is what
keeps my art authentic.
I don't want money. I don't
want to sell out my art.
Look at all those musicians.
As soon as they put their
first record or two records out
and they blow up, their
records just go downhill.
Money corrupts their craft.
So I'm gonna push it away
to stay the poor artist
because that's my identity, that is me."
So it's very important to bring
your awareness to these core beliefs
and don't give yourself the right answer,
give yourself the real answer
because right off the bat,
if you think about it, like
someone said "Money is freedom."
If you write it down,
like money, here's all
the good things about it
but how do you really feel?
Money.
Here's another audit.
How do you feel when you
see someone making money?
Do you feel triggered?
Do you feel jealous?
Do you feel angry or do you
celebrate that person making money?
This is something I would see where
say you're at an event, I
went to a Tony Robbins event.
This is a few years ago,
his Business Mastery.
Amazing event.
However, the whole event is him sharing
of course some content,
there's different speakers but
everyone's selling their program
at the end of their speech
and I would hear some people
get a little upset by that.
They're like "Oh, why are
they selling the program?
We're here."
And I'm like well, I guess
that could be a concern.
If there was no value and all they
were doing was selling,
I guess it's a concern
but why aren't you happy
for them making money?
Why does that trigger you?
Why are you like "Oh, they
shouldn't be selling?"
Why aren't you celebrating when
you see someone make money?
'Cause chances are if you resist
seeing someone make money,
what are you doing for yourself?
The same thing.
There's that same resistance
to you succeeding.
When I see someone being happy,
I'm not like "Oh, why are they so happy?"
I'm like "Great, that's awesome."
I see someone winning, great,
that's awesome but that's not the default.
For most people, it's
like why are they happy?
They shouldn't be happy. Don't they know?
Why are they making money?
They're stealing it.
They're selfish trying to make that money
as opposed to great, you
know what, great, win.
The more we win, the better.
And what does that also reinforce?
A lot of scarcity around money.
We think that if one person makes money,
it's taking money out of our pocket.
Well if they make it, they
made it all. No more for me.
But that's not true.
So this is very important.
As a first audit, sit down
with yourself and do this at
home, write down money equals
and just see what flows out.
Don't judge it, don't
give the right answer.
It's like how do I feel?
What's it like to date you?
We never think about this, right?
Like no, the most important
is the relationship with my
mom or family, no, it's you.
You're stuck with you the rest
of your life and guess what?
That relationship is going
to dictate every other relationship,
whether it's romantic,
friendship, you name it.
The relationship with yourself dictates
the relationship you have with the world
and it's important to do this audit.
How do you like hanging out with yourself?
Are you kind to yourself?
Are you rude to yourself?
Do you get in fights with yourself?
Is there a lot of drama with yourself?
What's that inner voice like?
Do you ever do things that
are loving towards yourself?
Acts of kindness towards yourself?
What's it like to date you?
You must work on yourself.
Until you develop a healthy
relationship with you,
you will not be able to
do so with others, okay?
You must fill your own cup and you must
reach a point where you feel complete
and this goes against mainstream advice
which is, as you were previously asking,
find someone who completes you.
You know what, people?
There is such a thing as a soulmate
and there's one out there for you.
When you were born, you were a star
and that star got split in
two and you arrived here
and your other half is
somewhere out there in the world
and the most beautiful thing in the world,
true love is when you find
the other half of that star
and you're finally reunited
and the relationship
is beaming with light and love and wonder.
And you're like, "Hm, my soulmate."
But then there's also the worries,
what if my soulmate's in another country?
How will I find my soul mate
with all the people in the world, right?
How will I ever live just being a half?
How will I ever be whole?
What if I settle for the wrong
person and never find my soulmate?
Screw that.
Okay?
There is no other person
who will ever complete you.
Screw this you complete me
mentality, complete yourself.
Don't attach your
self-worth to someone else.
It's no different than attaching
your self-worth to money.
Looking for someone to complete you
is like someone thinking, you know what?
When I make millions, I'll
finally be good enough.
Or approval, when I have all
these people approving of me,
I'll finally be good
enough, it's no different.
What is love?
It's when two complete
people come together
and there's a certain
synergy that happens.
Not two halves that come together.
If it's two halves, you
will not experience love.
You will experience attachment.
You will experience craving,
you will experience need
and this is what most of
society confuses with love.
Most people have never experienced love.
They only experience need.
Obsession, desperation.
As soon as they're away
from their partner,
they're replaying, like oh,
my partner, I need my partner.
Oh, I need to get my partner
attracted, my partner,
my partner, it's like this impulsive need.
It's like their drug.
And guess what?
If that is what your
relationship is built on,
it will by default be
filled with manipulation.
Manipulation, bribes,
trying to get the other
person to do what you want.
Why?
Because you don't want
to lose that person.
If you found your half and
you're finally complete,
do you want to lose half of you?
No, and it won't even be consciously
but unconsciously, you're
gonna try to find ways
to keep that person there and
they're gonna do the same.
It won't be love. It'll be
manipulation and attachment.
That's what a relationship is
when you come at it from a
place of being incomplete,
when you come at it from
a place of desperation
and we're conditioned by this too.
We see it in the movies and TV shows.
It's all this attachment and
craving but that is toxic.
Let it sink in.
Attachment is toxic.
Attaching your self-worth
to another person is toxic
and vice versa.
You are complete
and you can even sink
into this perspective.
Can you be okay with never being
in a relationship the rest of your life?
See what comes up.
I'm not saying don't
get into a relationship.
Life is all about relationships
but what comes up sinking
into that perspective?
What if you never find anyone?
What if you're alone
the rest of your life?
Can that be good enough?
Can you be okay with that?
If the answer is no, whatever comes up,
that is something you must let go of.
Those are things that are driven by
I am incomplete, I am
not good enough just me.
I need someone else.
You've placed another
person as a requirement
to you being whole, to
you loving yourself.
I can only love myself fully
if I'm in a relationship. No.
Become whole first.
There are two approaches to doing this.
One is to let go of everything
that's keeping this map alive.
This is how you produce true
permanent long lasting change.
The other is to use a
more external approach
to get glimpses of this other map,
glimpses of that higher state.
People experience a glimpse of
that higher state at various live events.
It's known as a seminar high.
You come into it, you're
in this very low state.
You feel very miserable.
Your thoughts are just
reinforcing the state.
Everything you do is
reinforcing this state.
You come to a live event,
you might get snapped into a higher state
and you leave the event and
you're like "Wow, I feel great."
Now people think that's gonna last.
No, a seminar high never
lasts but it's not bad.
It's not meant to last.
If change was that easy,
none of you would be here.
Everyone would be happy.
If a seminar high was meant
to last, everyone would be happy.
You'd just go to a seminar
and then it lasts for life.
No, you can't avoid
confronting and letting go
of the things that run you
at a core deep down inside.
But you can use seminar highs to huh,
kind of zoom out of that map
and just see beyond the clouds.
You're like, "Whoa, there is
another way of being, another reality."
When you have a seminar high,
your thoughts are also very different.
Take that in.
Use it as a reminder,
write down the thoughts you
have when you're in that higher
state because guess what?
Because this is at the
cause, this will also hijack
your focus, your thoughts
and your life.
It hijacks everything.
I'm not good enough. I
want to be good enough.
I don't feel whole. I want to feel whole.
I don't feel very confident,
happy, secure within.
I want to feel happy
and secure. Let's do it.
But this approach does not work.
Okay?
Why?
Because the more you're
trying to say become enough,
at the same time, you are telling yourself
that you are not good
enough to begin with.
Only someone who believes they are not
good enough is trying to become enough.
Only someone who believes
at a core that they
are not confident is
trying to become confident.
Only someone who's not happy
is trying to become happy.
The more you're trying to become happy,
the more you're telling
yourself, "I'm not happy.
I'm not happy. Must become
happy, I'm not happy."
And it's endless.
You cannot get there that way.
Now an approach unfortunately
that some people take
is they give up on this.
They realize ah, I guess it doesn't work.
Here's what I'm gonna do instead.
I'm not good enough.
How can I bring them down to my level?
I have low self esteem.
How can I bring other
people's self esteem down to
my level so then I feel at
ease and in sync with the world
and I do feel good enough
'cause we all feel horrible?
Screw that.
So this is a lot better than
the alternative but it doesn't work.
Question the assumption.
What does that mean?
Why do you assume by default
that you aren't good enough?
Why do you assume that by
default you aren't confident?
What if you actually are?
What if you've bought into a lie?
What if different things might have
conditioned you to believe in this lie?
And instead of reinforcing
this lie by acting from it,
question it and perhaps
the way there is to let go
of all the things that
are keeping this lie alive
and that is the approach
we're taking here.
This is why you hear me talk
about letting go so much.
What if you are enough?
What are all of the things
that are telling you
I'm not good enough to begin with?
Past trauma is an example.
The way you've been conditioned,
different things you've
suppressed or repressed.
Different core beliefs, core assumptions,
the core identity you've
unconsciously taken on.
All those things keep it alive.
You can say state is I'm
up here. We all had it.
Like you might be out socializing
and you just get in a flow
and you just feel good, like
everything's clicking, right?
So this is where you want to be.
This is state and when you
feel state, there's a click,
this equals this and you're
like boom, soaring it.
But then some nights you go
out and you feel down here
and there's not that equal anymore.
You're like "No."
But what about this?
Remember this.
As soon as you can feel
good being out of state,
you're in state.
Because state isn't about being up here.
State is about the equal.
If you're down here and you
felt okay being down here,
you reached the same equal.
So as this changes, as
what you feel changes,
just keep being okay with
it, creating the equal.
When it comes to apathy,
there's a client who is
actually from Austria
and I was on a call with him
and to book his first call,
it took like a few weeks
and I kept messaging him.
"Hey, here's the schedule.
Book your call, let's get it going."
And after a few weeks I emailed him.
I'm like "Hey, get on
Skype. Let's do this.
What's going on? Why do
you keep procrastinating?
Why do you keep putting it off?"
And he answers "Hey, sorry.
My mom just passed away."
So I felt really bad,
I was like "Oh my god.
Sorry man, take your time,
completely understand.
Let me know if I can help.
The call may help, we can
dive into some of it."
And he answers "Ah no, it's
cool. Yeah, I'll just jump on."
And I'm like that's a little
casual for what just happened
and then we get on the
call and I'm expecting him
to be all torn up, emotional
and he was just very logical,
very Austrian, very German,
just duh, duh, duh, duh, duh.
I told him, "So would you like
to talk about what happened?"
He was like "Well I guess so
but you know, life's life."
I'm like, "What do you mean life's life?
Like your mom just passed away."
He was like "Yeah but
you know, it happens."
And I'm like "What do you feel around it?"
He's like "Well you know,
people are born, people,"
just this very logical
thing and diving into it,
I found out that his father passed away
five years prior to that and
when his mom passed away,
he said he didn't really cry.
Maybe a little bit of a tear.
The only time he cried before that
was five years ago a
little bit when his dad
passed away and he can't
remember before that.
And he's like his whole life,
he's just been chasing different degrees,
getting his Bachelors, his Masters,
his PhD, so on and so forth.
Really smart guy, really intellectual guy.
But everything is filtered
through logicality.
It's all just mental.
Do you feel anything in terms
of your mom passing away?
Well mentally, check,
check, check, check, check.
What's the purpose of life?
Well mentally, get a Bachelor, get Master,
get PhD, get job, keep it going
and everything was like that.
I'm like "What about your
relationship situation?
Your friendship situation?"
"Well, I have some I see at work
but I don't really like hanging out with
people that much 'cause at
least in this situation,
we don't resonate with the same points.
They don't like talking about
this, this, this," right?
And what was he lacking?
What was the thing that really
made him jump on this coaching?
He wanted to feel more and connect more.
And I told him, "Hey, okay,
step one, let's start feeling."
And we did a release and he was able
to feel at least a little bit in terms
of some of the tragedies in his life
but even beyond that, in terms
of socializing with people,
I said "Hey, at work,
go and talk to anyone."
And he's like "But some
of them are not as smart
and they won't be able
to fuel my next goal."
And I'm like "That's not the point."
And he's like "Well, why would I talk
to them if there is no
logical point?" right?
But the logical point isn't
even the conversation.
It's not the topic.
It doesn't have to be
an outcome all the time.
The point is to connect with someone.
That's the whole point of vibing,
the whole point of
socializing, you do it why?
Just for the experience, for
experiencing someone else
and this is something that
not many people talk about.
Society takes it out of you.
Even a lot of the advice when it comes
to socializing doesn't say this.
It's like okay well, you
have trouble socializing,
instead of just connecting with someone,
here's what you say and then
it becomes this very chess
match game in terms of the
different things you say or do.
As opposed to what about just
talking for the sake of talking?
And I'm sure you've had
that experience where
you just get lost in a
conversation and time flies by.
Does it matter what you talk about? No.
What if it doesn't lead
anywhere logically?
It's fine, you're there just
to connect with someone.
We're social beings.
We're here to connect
with people in the world.
And that was some of the
first challenges I gave him.
Talk to those people, see
what it's like to feel
and it's fine if there's
resistance at first.
It's fine if your mind's like
"Well, this person's
not even in a self-help.
They don't grasp the nuanced concepts
of letting go," et cetera, et cetera.
I'm like "That's fine."
"They only like talking
about sports." "That's fine."
Vibe with everyone, stop being
so mental and judgmental,
just filtering only that
person 'cause there's a goal.
I talk to people who
only talk about sports.
Am I a big sports person? No.
Do I know a lot about sports? No.
Do I find sports the
most fascinating topic?
Of course not.
But I love connecting with people
and that is something to dive into, okay?
Get in the body, get out of the mind.
There's more to life than
this logical goal outcome,
everything must have some kind of plan
and must lead to the next
thing and that thing.
Just do things for the
sake of doing things.
Here's another challenge
you can give yourself.
Go out with some of your friends
to a restaurant or a bar.
Don't drink, just sit at a table.
You can get like some water or soda water
and just sit there with no
purpose at all than just sitting
there for three hours together
and just see what happens.
Because what we also
realize doing this audit
on our life is even
when we're with friends,
there's usually a certain purpose.
It's like okay, well we're here
to work on our social skills.
We're here to do this work task.
We're here to learn
this, to talk about this.
What about just sitting there
and just staying there
with no point to it?
And it'll feel really weird at first,
really awkward but with time,
you'll start getting a feel
for huh, just talking to talk.
The purposeless talk in a beautiful way.
What is life? The purposeless life.
Logically, you can try to break
it down as much as you want.
Well, life is the evolution of this.
It's like okay but in the
end, what is it really?
It's just an experience.
Life is an experience.
Everything you're doing,
everything you're after,
it's just an experience.
Don't get so lost in trying
to only find mental meaning.
Find experiential meaning.
Even in terms of different goals
and outcomes that you're
after, by all means go for it
but why are you even going for that goal?
For the experience of it.
Live for experience. That's what I do.
Oh, but I want to accomplish that goal.
Great, I'm gonna go for it
but I'm gonna love every part of it,
including the contrast
and this is something
I personally remind
myself of all the time.
The ups and downs are what make
the experience of life life.
That's what makes it
captivating and worth living.
We all think logically,
we want everything to go
according to plan and be great.
But if that were to happen, we
would be in complete apathy.
We wouldn't feel.
That's what makes life pointless.
If everything just went according to plan
and it was just flat,
flat, flat, flat, flat.
So embrace the ups and downs.
Are some of the downs horrible? Of course.
But feel your way through it.
Think of it as huh, it's
like eating the vegetables,
you know as a kid, it's like it's not
my favorite but it adds the contrast.
And guess what? It is what it is.
You have a choice.
Is life always fair? Not necessarily.
Does a lot of really messed
up things happen in life?
Of course.
But as it is now, it's
like that's what it is.
You can resist it and hate
it and give up and withdraw
or you can just roll with it and ride.
Roll with the punches.
You have all eternity to be dead.
Why not just roll with the
punches while you're here
and open yourself up to whatever happens,
whatever you experience while here?
We all have you could say a habitual state
where we reside in most of the time.
For you two, for example,
you're right here.
And grief again, you'll
tend to oscillate a bit.
But what we tend to do, and
this is the big mistake,
I talked about this yesterday
at the Free Tour is we aim too high.
You're here or you might
even be like, again,
between the two where it's
like you're feeling this grief,
this tends to a bit of apathy and then
it's like you don't
want to experience anger
but you want to experience love.
And every time you kind of hit this,
you go right back down, back down.
So we aim too high, we fail
and oftentimes we just stay stuck.
Now we will experience
pockets of other states.
So you might be in grief and
you'll experience a little bit
of purpose, a little bit of
courage, a little bit of love
but then you just find your
way back to what you know.
Okay?
Now, the biggest key.
Just aim for the next level.
Wherever you're at, aim for one up,
then one up, then one up.
For someone in apathy
who's very cut off from
feeling or the general theme
there is just withdrawn, it's
kind of you've given up, okay?
In terms of feeling, it looks
like you before we got to you.
It looks like you yesterday basically.
Just very robotic, up in your head.
You have a little bit of that too.
Okay?
Just kinda like withdrawing
and that refusal to feel.
When you're in this state,
there's massive resistance to feeling
some kind of grief all the time.
You're in this state for a reason.
There was something that was too much
to handle at some point in time and you've
just closed yourself off to yourself.
You can't get there until you go through
what it is you're closed off to.
In terms of apathy, what this also means
is allowing yourself or to do basically
whatever you can to establish some hope.
Because in the state, it
feels like there is no hope.
One thing that will give you
hope that is counterintuitive
and that the mainstream will
promote is become a victim.
If you're in apathy, being
a victim is moving up.
It's great advice, right?
Like if you, for example,
stopped feeling like
a victim and just started
feeling worse and worse
and worse, you'd go down to
apathy, like what's the point?
I'll never find love.
I'll never find a girl.
Et cetera, et cetera and
then like you move down.
So from down here, going up and saying
"Hey, it's not your fault,
it's that person's,"
just this kinda like,
instead of what's the point,
whatever, it's ah, poor me, I
would but this thing and then
the general theme is always
feeling sorry for yourself.
Whatever happens to you,
whatever adversity is thrown
to you, it always links to
I take responsibility
a bit, poor little me,
crying, so on and so forth.
That's what you resort to as well.
It's like put some confrontation
instead of like boundary,
there's that pull towards
feeling sorry for yourself.
People have that when
they get rejected as well.
It's like you go out and
you say hi to someone,
get rejected and you're just crushed.
It's like you play a video
game and like you fail
and instead of being like "Oh,"
it's like "Okay, let's try again."
The same event but people
at different levels, okay?
Now when you're in victimhood,
this is when you have to
hear that harsh talk where
it's like okay, for you it's
stop being a little bitch.
For you, it's time to get fucking mad,
time to experience that anger
you refused to experience back
then and to be clear here,
it does also mean that
sometimes back then,
experiencing that anger was too much.
It doesn't mean you had
to experience back then.
And this is very key.
You'll see people talk about this
when it comes to trauma with animals.
So for example, if there's a threat,
the animal will go into like
this fight or flight state.
Is it time for the animal to experience
like fear or feel sorry for itself?
Fuck no, it's time to survive.
For you at that point,
if you might've experienced the anger,
it's like you would've done
stuff you might've regretted.
It might've ruined your life.
So it's time to survive.
But the key is once you've survived,
now it's time to experience it.
But what we do is we just
keep living in this survival.
Okay?
So in grief, it's take responsibility.
Oh, but then that's scary. Good.
Put yourself even in scary
situations or get mad.
Don't forgive.
Think of all those people
who screwed you over.
Doesn't that make you mad?
Don't you want to do something about it?
Don't you want to prove them wrong?
That's what you gotta tap into.
Once you're in anger however,
now you gotta start forgiving.
If you say forgive them here,
oh, it's just more poor me.
But here moving up, crying is good.
Here, it just kind of fuels it.
Here, it's time to forgive, okay?
Courage is when you finally
start taking some action
and you're just kind of fumbling around.
There tends to be a lot of
procrastination, focusing on
the wrong things, putting
things off, so on and so forth.
It's more of a neutral state.
Desire is like your ego kicks in.
It's like oh, I can't do this.
What are people gonna
think? So on and so forth.
This is the person who tends
to be a little bit more
try hard, always trying
to like one-up others,
always trying to look
cool, so on and so forth.
Purpose is when you let go of this
and you discover, okay, instead of just
doing things always for
approval for others,
I kinda discover that innate drive.
What do I actually feel inspired to do?
And then love is more
the state of acceptance,
abundance, so on and so forth, okay?
But this tends to be the model.
All of you can find one
area you reside in the most
and then you all have different pockets.
This is Julien and if you're
someone who has social anxiety,
you fear putting yourself out
there or you procrastinate,
you put things off, you
come up with excuses
or you're lost and you
have no purpose in life,
then pay very close
attention because this scale
of transformation is
what has helped me change
the lives of thousands of
people around the world.
Now I want to help you identify exactly
where you're at and give
you customized feedback
and action steps to
get you moving up fast.
Don't be one of the people
who just dabbles around
in the dark trying to
figure it out on their own.
Jump on a free call with myself
or an expert from my
team and let us help you.
Just click the link below this video.
Tell us a little bit about yourself
and we'll be reaching out very soon.
Click the link right
now and let's do this.
