

Destructive Silence

By L U Ann

Destructive Silence Copyright © 2013 by L U Ann

Smashwords Edition

All rights reserved. This book or any portion thereof may not be reproduced or used in any manner whatsoever without the express written permission of the author, except for the use of brief quotations in a book review. Please do not participate in or encourage piracy of copyrighted materials in violation of the authors' rights.

Disclaimer: This is the work of fiction. All characters, organizations, and events portrayed in this novel are either products of the author's imagination or are used fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, events or locales are entirely coincidental.

The author acknowledges the trademark status and trademark owners of various products referenced in this work of fiction, which have been used without permission. The publication/use of these trademarks is not authorized, associated with, or sponsored by the trademark owners.

ISBN-13: 978-1500485849

ISBN-10: 1500485845

Cover Artist: Lori Hall-Underwood

Cover Photographer: Desiree Delgado

Published by L U Ann at Smashwords

Smashwords Edition License Notes

This ebook is licensed for your personal enjoyment only. This ebook may not be re-sold or given away to other people. If you would like to share this book with another person, please purchase an additional copy for each recipient. If you're reading this book and did not purchase it, or it was not purchased for your enjoyment only, then please return to Smashwords.com or your favorite retailer and purchase your own copy. Thank you for respecting the hard work of this author.

#

Dear Readers,

Thank you so much for purchasing Destructive Silence and wanting to read Lacey's journey from a naive teenager to adulthood. Many scenarios might appear far-fetched to the average reader. I ask that you keep an open mind as people react differently to each and every situation.

This is not only Lacey's story, it's mine. I hope you can take something away from this book and use it as a gift, if not for you, but possibly a friend or family member.

Happy reading!

LU Ann

aka Lacey Edwards

*~*~*

Disclaimer

This is the first book in A Destructive Novel Series. Reading order: Destructive Silence, Destructive Choices and finally Destructive Release. This series contains mature adult content which at times is dark. Hard life events are discussed and briefly described. If you are unable to read the material with inferences of rape, suicide, physical and emotional abuse, please do not purchase. If you can handle it, welcome to destruction aka the fact-based fictional world of LU Ann.

# THE WORLD OF BECCA

_Glossary of Becc-lish_

Lacey's best friend Becca has a language all of her own which she refers to as Becc-lish.

'Becc-lish' is derived from words spoken in today's society that are defined in the Urban Dictionary. Below is a list of the words used throughout the story.

Smexy: Smart and sexy.

Screwphemism: A euphemism for having sex.

Shituation: A bad situation.

Worricane: An intense and long lasting bout of worrying.

Fapulous: Orgasmic, amazing, and awesome.

Date-a-thon: The act of dating on a regular basis.

Bang Piece: Something you consider totally awesome.

Grabbastic: Having the qualities of a playground game of grab-ass except this is more intimate.

Fuckwit: A person who is lacking a clue but apparently unable to acquire due to having it handed to him on a plate in generous portions.

Domestic Blindness: Can't find an item.

Annoyer-in-chief: Top asshole in power, dedicated to making the lives of people under his power as miserable as possible.

Keep it 100: To keep yourself real and true, to be honest and stick to the way you are, no matter what anyone thinks.

Annoyertating: Annoying and irritating at the same time. Total frustration.

Ear Worm: A song that is stuck in your head.

Puzzle Butt: A girl with an ass that is kind of unattractive but you can't stop starring at it. And later when you think back to the event you find yourself puzzled as to why you looked for so long.

Circle the Drain: To gradually die.

Hit me on the Hip: Calling someone on their cellphone.

E-void: To avoid someone electronically such as on Facebook, email, IM or text message.

Deligious: A food or beverage that is so delicious that ingesting it is akin to a religion experience.

Sucka free: Single Status, female.

Break the Glass: Pulling out the big guns, emergency plan.

Sexpectation: The state of anticipating or expecting sexual intercourse from a social encounter, be it a date, a party, or a booty call. It describes a period of optimistic waiting that is just shy of a sure thing.

Assvice: The unwelcomed and unsolicited advice given to someone.

Eyeolating: When you're checking out a guy so vigorously that you violate them.

Window Eating: Act of standing in front of the fridge with the door open over-excessive amount of time and then closing the door without getting anything.

Snarf: To take something that one perceives as off limits. Usually having to do with food and beverage.

Prexhausted: Preemptively exhausted by just thinking about something.

Wallblocker: Someone who stops suddenly in front of you making you crash into them.

Quarter Life Crisis: Mid-youth crisis.

Kissalicious: A state of euphoria coming from two sets of lips meeting that match unlike any other in the history of the Universe.

Fabularious: Fruity combination of fabulous and hilarious.

Get buck/Buck on his ass: To become extremely angry and vow consequences upon those who have caused you nuisance.

Earjacking: Eavesdropping on a conversation that you have no business hearing.

# PROLOGUE

What is life all about? Is it a journey or just something that you have to get through? It seems like a voyage to everyone around me. A blissful life filled with happy memories occurring on an indefinite timeline. To me, life is more like a struggle to get through each day. Timelines don't exist for me; instead, I just make an educated guess as to when and where I will do anything.

Ten years ago, I moved here with my family from the great sunshine state, Florida. Dad had gotten a new job, so the entire family packed up and moved. Our family consisted of Mom, Dad, and my older sister, Lane. We left behind extended family, friends, and the only place I'd ever known to move to Maryland, the Old Line State. I wasn't thrilled to be leaving the white sandy beaches for the hectic lifestyle and smog of Baltimore, but I met new friends along the way and tried to make the most of the move. Everyone told me I had an accent, which I thought was loony because everyone else sounded funny to me.

There was one thing I needed, more than anything, to leave behind, but as long as I was silent, I could try to pretend it didn't happen.

A couple of years before we moved, Mom had a serious spill on the stairs at work. She suffered a number of neck and back injuries because of the fall. She had two surgeries before we moved and was scheduled for another a month or two after our arrival in Maryland. Because we were new to the area and knew very few people, Mom asked the mother of one of my classmates' to watch over Lane and me for the weekend. Even though Lane and I were fully capable of taking care of ourselves while she recovered and our dad worked, I was so happy she did.

The girl from my class with whom I stayed was Becca Fox. We became the best of friends ever since that weekend. It just so happened that Lane and Becca's sister, Trish, became friends, as well. The Fox family and our family became extremely close; this helped ease some of the hardships of the move. What wasn't so great was that Lane and Trish were so close too. I loved my sister, but I couldn't be around her all of the time. It didn't take long for the four of us to get on each other's nerves and to begin raising hell amongst one another. Becca and I snuck around and spied on Lane and Trish; it was so much fun to use what we found out against them! Sometimes we even pulled pranks on them. There was nothing like watching your sister's eyes pop out of her head when she opened a drawer and found a live snake inside. We thoroughly enjoyed ourselves, sometimes a little too much, until it was time for them to exact their revenge. All four of our parents were ready to pull out their hair, but Becca and I couldn't understand what the big deal was. We thoroughly enjoyed torturing our sisters and felt they should appreciate our creative efforts, though we were less than fond of the retaliation; after all, we were little kids. So our parents came up with a plan wherein we would alternate weekends at each other's house. If Becca and I were at my house, Lane and Trish would be at hers. It worked out great. Boring, but great. And it made life much easier for our parents.

Upon moving to Maryland, mom and dad transferred me to another Catholic School. I'd been attending private schools since preschool, and I'm in my senior year now, attending an all-girl Catholic Prep School with Becca, which also happened to be the same school Lane graduated from two years ago along with Becca's sister, Trish. I spent my school days engrossed in my class work. Never an overachiever, I got good grades, and for the most part, I did what I was supposed to do. Art was my favorite subject and I could easily lose myself in painting. I was actually in the gifted and talented program at school for my artwork. It was a nice distraction from the normal teenage drama of boys, and I avoided that particular drama like poison.

My parents owned two boutiques in the area. One store was close to our home in Elkridge and the other was on the opposite side of Baltimore city. It was a great business for them and I helped by covering shifts, stocking merchandise, cleaning, inventory, and the whole nine yards. Lane and I had a strong work ethic. We also knew how much pain our mother endured every day, which was another reason we were so willing to help. Lane and I were extremely close to our mom. Although our dad had been around all of our lives, we were just closer to our mom. I didn't know why, but he had a hard time holding down a job for most of my life. For now, he ran the store on the other side of Baltimore while mom stayed close to home managing the one in Elkridge. Lane and I traveled between the two as needed.

Keeping busy helped me to find solace in my solitude. I didn't like sitting around doing nothing or being bored, and I never relaxed. All that did was give me time to think, which led me to mentally torment my mind, body and soul. I needed a distraction to escape and to hide from my silence. Lately, that distraction involved extremely loud music and hours of endless dancing. I loved going to the local clubs. I never went to flirt or meet boys; I went to lose myself in the music running through my body on the dance floor.

My fight with silence and boredom caused me to act out impulsively, which resulted in a chain of events that changed the fantasy plan that my parents had for my life.

# CHAPTER ONE

The Meet

The late-November cold air attacks me as I get out of the car, causing me to pull the edges of my coat tighter. Becca and I run up to the long line of shivering people waiting to get into the club that looks more like an abandoned warehouse than a thriving nightclub. The bouncers at the door check everyone's ID, giving a stamp for those '21 & up'. I don't feel like drinking tonight, so I'll refrain from using my fake ID. I am only nineteen years old after all. Security cameras litter the outside of the warehouse in this shady part of the city. I don't know why, but I always feel safe coming here. It's not the best location in Baltimore because it sits on the outskirts of the Inner Harbor. The parking lot has barely any lighting and I've never once seen a police car patrol the area, but that doesn't faze me. I guess I'm dumb and naïve, but I always try to be aware of my surroundings. If my mother and father knew where their youngest daughter actually was right now, they would have a heart attack for sure. I guess they think they've raised me to be more responsible and level headed, but we all have to live a little, right? Right.

I crave excitement. I've always been the wild child of the family. Lane walks the straight and narrow, whereas I take the road with lots of twists and turns. I am a good girl, though. I believe in God and try to live my life right. I have a big heart and attend church every Sunday, maintaining a solid "B" in my religion class. Unfortunately, this does nothing to curb the wild streak inside me that aches for release. I especially have a tough time controlling myself around music. That is why I am here after dragging my best friend Becca out to enjoy the night with me. Clubbing, dancing, and throbbing music are the only things that seems to satisfy my craving.

Tonight Becca and I are dressed to impress. I am wearing a simple black dress that fans slightly from the waist down, making it easy to dance, and black boots that stop just below my knee. They aren't the most comfortable shoes to dance in, but they complement my outfit beautifully. Sometimes fashion must override comfort, in my opinion. I pinned my loose red curls back to give myself some relief while dancing my ass off. Becca is dressed a little more daring in her red form fitting dress and matching heels. How she is able to dance in an outfit like that is beyond me. I would feel constricted and uncomfortable, but Becca wears it well. Her beautiful jet-black hair falls gently around her shoulders, in its usual large curls. I'm sure we'll turn a number of heads tonight.

The club is packed and the scent of sweat attacks my nostrils. Walking through the large sea of bodies quickly warms me from the frigid temperatures outside. First things first, we stop at the coat check. I place my coat ticket, along with my money and license, securely in my cleavage since my outfit is lacking pockets. Becca and I settle for a spot in the back just off the dance floor where we can take a moment to absorb the sights. It's still early, and there aren't many people dancing, so I make my way to the bar. After ordering our waters, I head back to our table. We take in the crowd while sipping our drinks, noting the faces around us and growing antsy to get our groove on the dance floor. Some people I recognize from previous visits, but there are a number of fresh faces. Not everyone is dressed to make an impression; some are a little too casual for this scene and my taste. They make no apologies for their appearance and to me that speaks about their confidence and self-image. Becca puts her hand on my arm, bringing my attention away from the room.

"You ready?" she asks. I nod. It's high time we get out there.

Nothing can get me on the dance floor faster than hearing 'You Spin Me Round (Like a Record)' by the British band Dead or Alive stream through the loud speakers. More bodies appear to be joining the fray. I close my eyes to let the music flow through me and take over my body. My hips, arms, and legs are moving in sync with the beat. Another song smoothly transitions over the loud speakers. The lights skipping across the club pulse in time with the music. I've completely lost myself, unaware of anything other than the music running through my veins. This is my escape, my heaven. I'm not timid or shy on the dance floor. I may not be one of the best dancers, but based on the number of guys pooling at my feet, I would guess I'm not half bad. Not that I care one way or another. Dancing should always be fun. It doesn't require a special skill; just relax and feel the beat.

Several songs later, Becca nudges me and mouths 'let's take a break.' It isn't until I stop that I consciously feel the effects of dancing. Sweat is beading on my skin and trickling down my back. The underside of my long red hair is wet. I think I need a break too. Becca orders us waters, getting a saucy smile from the bartender who winks at her when he returns with our drinks. I smile, catching the unspoken language between them. Maybe Mr. Bartender will get a break later and join her on the dance floor. We step aside to enjoy the sight of the dancing masses, observing the sea of bodies gracefully expressing movements like the waves of an ocean.

I was more than aware of Becca sneaking glances back at the bar. She wasn't watching the mob of people ordering drinks. Instead, she was watching Mr. Hot Cheeks Bartender. He was such a hotass. Turning my attention back to the dance floor, I watch the seductive yet sweaty mob move to the beat. Some of the couples look as though they need to get a room. People are not shy, and I cannot believe what I'm seeing. A smile creeps on my lips as I witness the audacious behavior of certain dancers this evening. It must be a full moon. A few of these moves are mind blowing. It's difficult to stand still with the distinct melody vibrating in my ears. I find myself swaying back and forth, following their movements in time with the music. I need to let loose the pent up emotions in my body threatening to raise hell. Yep, this Catholic girl is tapping into her wild streak.

Becca moves to throw her bottle of water away, breaking me from my inner thoughts. As she walks back to where I'm standing, I see her take another glance at the bartender. She definitely has the eye for a certain man tonight. As Becca turns away, I watch her give him a sexy, unabashed smile. With twinkling eyes, she looks over her shoulder to flirt and turns her head slightly to expose her neck. She is such a fucking tease! Becca is gorgeous with her natural loose curls framing her face. Her large, dark eyes sparkle with so much life. Most of us would die for a rocking body like hers, and she carries herself with such confidence. We've been best friends since elementary school so I know that she has one of the biggest hearts and is a total catch for any guy.

Becca tries to talk over the music and says what sounds like, "Lacey, come on. It's time to get back out there," while pulling me onto the dance floor.

"Okay!" I yell back smiling.

I feel like I can breathe again as soon as I plant my feet on the dance floor and begin to get lost in my bubble. Bodies are everywhere, invading my personal space. Moving my arms fluidly towards the ceiling, I allow my shoulders and hips to pump to the beat. God, I love this feeling... "Whoa!" I yell, startled by the break of my bubble. I cannot stand it when guys think they can just grab your hips as an invitation to start dancing with them. Hello? As if!

Turning around to push off the jerk wad who is trying to feel me up, I stop dead in my tracks. I've never seen him before. His gaze is soft and sexy as hell, allowing me to drink in his features: dark, gorgeous hair with matching thick brows, heavy dreamy eyes, and long narrow nose.

Holy shit, this guy is every girl's fantasy come true! He's sporting a tight, faded, blue t-shirt that shows off his defined muscles. Paired with it are dark jeans slung below his trim waist and boots that finish the look. He's fucking sex on a stick.

I cannot take my eyes off him. His amber eyes, surrounded by thick eyelashes, are staring into mine. Damn, he has bedroom eyes. He slowly begins to move closer, allowing our bodies to slightly touch while a smile plays on his lips. Oh those lips! He has perfectly plump, kissable lips that I want to taste... What? Lacey stop! Holy shit, he wants to dance with me.

After what feels like hours, days, weeks, or months, he puts his hand on my hip to pull me in and remove the remaining space separating us. I gasp at the shot of electricity that runs through my body. We begin to move. Our eyes lock on one another. I can feel the strong, emotional desire in his firm stare. It takes everything I have in me to blink. His grip is powerful, and when he takes control of our movements, I feel as though I'm spiraling into an abyss.

I've never experienced such an intense emotion of wanting before. Oh my God, can he move! My mouth goes dry, and my heart races. We move together in unhindered beauty and harmony. He suddenly runs the back of his fingers down my cheek causing my lips to part. My chest is heavy. I reach up and place my hands on his upper arms to steady myself. Oh my, his arms are big! Thinking about what Mr. Dreamy can do with those arms causes me to catch my breath. He moves his thumb along my bottom lip. The simple touch makes me close my eyes for a moment and I allow myself to feel the passion. I'm numb to the crowd and activity surrounding us. His gaze moves to my lips as he licks his perfect mouth. My blood is pumping fast and quickly heading to the pit of my stomach.

Mr. Dreamy captures me in his trance as he lowers his head. Oh my God, he's going to kiss me! His lips are soft, only gently brushing mine. Even though he was gentle, we are both out of breath from one brief kiss filled with so much anticipation. We rest our foreheads together, staring into each other's eyes. We've yet to speak as our bodies imply the unspoken words, conveying pleasure, surprise, desire, and an unmistakable need. He brings his hand around to the small of my back, intensifying the electricity running through my body. The moment is stimulating. He moves his other hand to the back of my neck, reaching under the length of my hair and pulling my head forward. I lean, in accepting his invitation. He probes my bottom lip with his tongue, requesting entrance. My body gives up all conscious thoughts and I let him in. His tongue slowly slides in to meet mine. Our tongues dance, and I think my legs are going to fail me. Oh my, he can kiss too! I have no idea what happened to the good Lacey. Desire has taken over, and I am no longer responsible for what is happening. Oh dear God! I need to get myself together before I have my way with him on the dance floor. I don't know this guy, but there is definitely a physical attraction. Oh...

Mr. Dreamy twirls my body around so that my back is against his chest. He places one of his hands on my lower stomach, shooting flames through me with his touch. His other hand takes mine, lifting it to wrap around his head. Oh my God! I can feel his excitement against my backside. His fingers slowly skim their way down my arm, proceeding to the side of my body and upper thigh, finally coming back up to rest on my hip. His shoulder supports my head, allowing me the opportunity to look up at him. I can see the intense need pooling in his dancing eyes. I think I've lost all inhibitions as the tingles increase on my stomach where his fingers touch. Our legs tangle and we grind into one another as if we cannot get close enough. We have disappeared into our own ecstasy. When the song ends, I try to step away, attempting to regain my composure. I turn around to look up at him through my eyelashes. We still haven't spoken words. Suddenly he grabs my arm and pulls me into him with a hint of a smile tickling the corners of his mouth. Oh, how I love those lips! He brings his hands up to cup my cheeks and leans in to softly whisper in my ear, "Please say you'll come home with me tonight." The passion in his voice is deep and strong. The stimulating stubble covering his jaw is deliciously pleasurable against my face, filling me with more erotic thoughts. What? Oh my God, did he just ask me to go home with him? I don't even know this guy, but when I look into his eyes, I feel as if I've known him for years. There is something awfully familiar and comforting in his stare. He gives me butterflies in my stomach; I'm definitely feeling an intense infatuation and desire to have more of him as if I'm high on a drug. I need to step away so that I can think clearly. All rational thoughts have left me while in his embrace. He doesn't loosen his hold on me. He has completely seduced me into a pool of mush on a very public dance floor. I nod, wondering if I can even walk by myself. Wait, what did I just do? Holy Mary Mother of God, I'm going to hell!

He motions with his head for us to move off the dance floor. I catch sight of Becca and hmm... Who is this hunk she is dancing with? This is not Mr. Hot Cheeks Bartender. This fella has messy blond hair that begs you to run your fingers through it. I can see his hands are large and wrapped around Becca, leading their movements. The flickering lights of the dance floor make it difficult for me to see more of him. I'm curious to find out what exactly is going on here. Becca notices me leaving the dance floor with Mr. Swoon-Worthy and gives me a playful look. I assure her with a nod and softly smile, trying not to give away how blown away I am. She will be drilling me for sure on our way home. Wait! Oh dear. I didn't say I would go home with him; I merely nodded. Maybe I can tell him some other time now that I can think with my brain and not my hormones. I drove Becca here. I can't abandon her. OH. MY. GOD. She is going to kill me!

He grabs my hand, pulling me in closer to talk against my ear and pressing our bodies together. "Hey beautiful, my name is Caine Rogers. What's yours?" Oh my. The heat of his breath sends a shiver down my spine. I'm sure he didn't miss the effect his mouth so close to my ear has on me.

Swallowing hard, I manage to say, "Lacey." Oh my God, don't tell him your last name; don't do it. He could look you up and kill you in the middle of the night! Oh for God's sakes, I need to leave. I shake my head trying to clear my thoughts.

He leans in. "Nice to meet you Lacey." His breath is searing, and it's doing some naughty things to my body. "You can really dance."

Excuse me; oh no, no, no you must be mistaken, Mister Sex on Legs. "Thanks, you have some nice moves yourself," I reply. Hopefully the music drowns out my voice cracking. Ugh, my body has deceived me. Thankfully, Becca returns with two bottles of water. Oh, wait a minute. Who is that guy following behind her, carrying two as well? As Becca hands me one, I realize the guy is the one that she was dancing with. He hands Caine a bottle and Caine nods in acknowledgement. What? Looking between them, it clicks they know each other. They probably came here together.

I excuse myself from Caine's embrace and give Becca a look so that she will follow me to the restroom. Pushing through the throng of people, we finally get to the entrance. Once inside, Becca and I can talk without screaming over the music. I need to talk to her about what just...

"Lacey, what the hell was that back there?" She barks at me.

"What do you mean?" I ask innocently, averting my eyes from her.

"You know very well what I mean. I saw you two practically fuck on the dance floor," she shouts wrinkling her eyebrows. I know she's concerned since I don't know this guy. Oh dear Lord. I haven't told her I'm considering going home with him yet. When I do, she's going to go postal on me.

I roll my eyes. "Becca, we were nowhere close to mating on the dance floor! I can't believe you would say that. I just got lost in the music. I really like this guy. He feels really good..."

"I bet he feels good!" she sarcastically interrupts, cutting me off while placing a hand on her hip in exasperation.

"Becca, it's not like that. I mean I feel like I have some sort of connection with him. I don't know how to explain it. It makes me want to get to know him better. In fact, he wants me to spend the night with him, and I'm thinking about accepting his offer." My insides cringe as I hold my breath, waiting for her reaction.

I had no idea Becca's eyes could pop out of her head this much. "What the fuck? Are you shitting me? Have you lost your damn mind?" She throws her hands up in the air. "Lacey, you don't know him! You cannot go with him!" she yells and shakes her head in disbelief. Ugh, she can be such the mother hen. "You are acting like a dirty bird!"

I gasp. "I am not a slut Becca! And who is that you were dancing with?" I ask, trying to distract her while walking over to the mirror to fix my makeup. Attempting to cool off, I run a wet paper towel under my hairline along my neck.

"Don't you dare turn this around and play your little 'distract attack' games with me. You will not sidetrack me with questions about who I was dancing with. I'm not the one who is planning on going home with someone she doesn't know," she says, enraged. "I know for a fact you aren't a dirty bird; that's why I don't understand. I don't know if you should do this Lacey. What if he turns out to be a bad guy? And you are still holding onto something. Are you telling me that you're willing to give that to some stranger?" She shakes her head in skepticism. "I don't like this." She begins to calm herself.

"Seriously Becca, it's okay. Please. Please do this for me. You can drive my car to your house and I'll text you once we get to wherever we are going and again in the morning." I pause. "By the way, do you think you could pick me up in the morning?" I turn to grin at her while lifting my eyebrows up and down in a playful manner, hoping she'll lighten up a little.

"Fine. But only if you're sure." She shrugs. "So, what do you think about his friend?" Her face is beaming. "His name is Lucas, and he's in the Navy." I wonder how much she knows about Lucas, considering the only thing I know about Caine is his name. Then again, I was a little preoccupied, and using body language to speak, rather than asking questions. Becca must be a little more coherent than I am.

"He's definitely easy on the eyes," I reply, smiling in the mirror at her. "Did you get his phone number?"

"Hell yeah, I got his number!" she says confidently, whipping her head around with attitude, causing me to throw my head back and chuckle.

"It appears as though he enjoyed your moves on the dance floor, yes?" I raise an eyebrow and continue, "I'm sure they will be permanently etched in his memory."

"Are you serious? I'm not the one who was dry humping in front of everyone." Looking back at her reflection, she says, "But he wasn't complaining." And I catch the smug smile on her face.

I roll my eyes again. "Whatever. So are you going to be leaving when I do? I'm not ready to go just yet, but I will if you are. And, most importantly, I don't want you to walk to the car by yourself."

"Yeah, let me talk and maybe get one last dance in with Lucas, and then we can go. Do you know where he's taking you?" she asks, wiping the sweat off her neck with a wet paper towel.

"Um, he said home with him. Doesn't that mean back to his place?"

"I don't know. You need to clear that up before you step foot in his car. Okay?"

"All right love, let's go see the boys." I wink at her, opening the door.

Caine's eyes are gleaming when they meet mine, and Lucas' face perks up at the sight of Becca as we walk back to where we left them.

Caine's deep, hot voice fills my ear asking, "Is everything okay?" Oh heavens, my legs are wobbly, and the fluttery feeling in my stomach is back. If his voice does this to me, I wonder what... No way, I'm a good girl. I won't go there.

"I don't want Becca walking to the car by herself tonight. She wants to stay here for a little bit longer with Lucas. You wanna dance?" I ask, glancing up at him.

He grabs my waist, bridging the gap between us, and answers, "Definitely!"

We move toward the dance floor, and I grab his hand to maneuver us through the sea of bodies until we reach a good spot. He links our hands and guides them over my head straight into the air. Our eyes meet once again. Abandoning my hands, he slowly rubs his fingers down my arms, eliciting a shiver of pleasure from me. I lower my arms to rest on his shoulders and bend my head back enjoying the sensation. He pushes his hips into mine, and my nerve endings begin to tingle. I find his scent intoxicating. My body is startled when he grabs my leg to hike it around his waist, pressing his hardness into me. Oh my! Where did he learn these dirty dance moves? His lips find my jaw; sliding out his tongue, he outlines the curve leading up to the sensitive spot behind my ear, and I shudder. I can feel him smile against my neck. Dropping my leg, he shifts me so I am once again dancing with my back to him. He lurches me forward at the waist, grinding my rear into his excitement. A second later, he pulls my body back. In time with the music, he pushes my chest out, breaking any and all rules of etiquette. Wow! This guy takes dancing seriously!

I wonder how often he goes out dancing and picks up girls. Hmm... Maybe I should rethink this. He must sense my distracted thoughts. Caine spins me around and whispers in my ear, "Where did you go Lacey?"

"Huh? Er... Nowhere. I was just enjoying the moment." I think that answer satisfies him. I look into his eyes and notice they are sparkling brighter. He brings his hands up to cup my face while bringing his lips down to mine in a sweet, soft kiss. He manipulates my hips with his as he slides his tongue between my lips wanting another taste. I accept the invite and the kiss deepens, effectively blocking out the world again.

A couple of songs later and I can tell Caine is ready to leave. There has been so much foreplay going on between us on the dance floor, I'm surprised neither of us exploded from our heated engagement. For a moment, I feel bad for our dancing neighbors having to witness the sexual charge between us. On second thought, they're probably hoping for the same thing to happen to them.

"Are you ready?" Caine's hot breath brushes my ear as he asks.

Nodding, I leave the floor to find Becca. I find her with Lucas, and they're playing tonsil tennis. Hmm... I walk up and gently nudge them, startling her and breaking their kiss. Ha! She is breathless and puts her hand to her mouth. I cannot wait to lay on the guilt about how she reacted to Caine and me earlier.

"We're ready to head out if that's okay with you," I yell over the music.

Lucas pipes up. "That's fine. She's going to give me a ride home since Caine here has other plans," he says smirking at Caine. With a look, they exchange some sort of guy language, probably giving each other mental high-fives.

I glance over at Becca to make sure she is okay with this. She smiles from ear to ear and nods in agreement. Yep, I need to have a word with her.

"I'm going to run to the restroom before we go," I try to say to both Becca and Caine over the music.

"Where's your coat ticket baby?" Caine asks, kissing my cheek while I fish the voucher out of my bra. Lucas is watching Caine take my receipt. He says something in Becca's ear and she soon offers up her ticket. "I love your hiding place," Caine says, brushing against my earlobe.

Becca follows me into the ladies' room. "What are you doing taking Lucas home? Are you comfortable doing that?" I ask. She quickly responds with a nod. "Becca, seriously, I won't go if it puts you in a tight situation. I won't do that to you." I try to convince her to be honest by tilting my head to ensure I have her attention.

"Lacey, it's totally fine. He's cool. I'll take him back to his place, and we're just going to talk," she shrugs. "Nothing is going to happen, unlike someone else I know," she says smirking and raising an eyebrow.

I give her my car keys and assure her that I will call her first thing in the morning. "Lacey, please be safe," she says uneasily.

Returning her hug, I whisper, "Aren't I always?" I wink and Becca rolls her eyes while shaking her head.

"Becca, you know I've never done this before. I don't even know if I can go through with it. But if I can do this whole one-night stand thing with anyone, it will be with Caine. Holy smokes Becca, the guy can kiss an orgasm out of you."

We both break out into a fit of giggles and leave the restroom, still trying to get our laughter under control.

Caine and Lucas appear after gathering our coats, looking at Becca and me quizzically. I cannot believe I am about to leave with a guy I just met. When did I say I would go? Is a nod really a yes? I glance up at Caine, and oh yes! I said yes, and I don't care if it was with a nod, spoken words, or written in ink. It's yes, no matter what.

With a quick text to my mom, I let her know I will be staying at Becca's tonight. Now that my bases are covered, I turn to Caine who ushers me to his car with my body tingling all over.

# CHAPTER TWO

One Night

Stepping out of the club and into the cold night air is refreshing. I hadn't realized how hot and sweaty I had become dancing with Mr. Dreamy. Whoa, I cannot believe I'm going home with Caine tonight! Oh dear, I need to make sure I attend confession this week. What the hell am I doing? This is a sin, or at least that's what the nuns have taught me since kindergarten. For God's sake, I'm in my senior year of Catholic school. What am I doing having my first one-night stand EVER?! No, that's not right. If it was my first, that would imply that I have had sex before and I haven't. Calming my nerves, I realize I NEED to cancel this hormonal exchange and find Becca to get me back to my parents' house.

Just as I was feeling the confidence to walk away, Caine grabs my hand and entwines our fingers, reigniting that spark of energy I get from his touch. It forces me to look at him. Oh, that's right. Now I remember why and what I'm doing. His light brown eyes penetrate my fears, knocking down any barriers in their path. His stare bares his soul, making my legs feel like Jell-O.

Caine walks us to his car, a candy-apple red Dodge Stealth. Like him, it's sleek and sexy. He holds my door for me as I brush past him. I halt from the sensual heat of his body. Sensing the same emotion, he grabs my waist and pulls me into him as he lowers his lips to mine. I remember the helplessness I felt earlier from his embrace, and he makes me see stars. Grabbing the back of my neck, he deepens the kiss. I lean in, and clutch at his shirt, needing to get closer. He acknowledges my desire and tightens his arm around my waist, moving me slightly so that his body is pressing me against the side of his car, sandwiching me in. I still need more from him. I try to convey this as my hands work overtime to remove the space between us. He pulls his lips away just enough so that he can rest his forehead against mine. His eyes tell me how much he wants me. "Let's go before I explode here in the parking lot." He utters through clenched teeth. Before he steps away, he asks, "How would you like to go to a hotel? My roommate might be home."

I give him a quick nod and kiss, using my tongue to gently brush his upper lip. "Okay." He keeps his hand knitted with mine until I sit. He bends down and gently presses a kiss on my cheek just before closing my door.

Caine walks swiftly around the front of the car, opening the door and sliding in beside me. He smoothly puts the car in gear and begins driving to our destination. I can see him briefly look over at me from the corner of my eye. I turn and take his features in. His jaw is square, and his nose is perfectly slanted. His lips are thick and full and his eyes glisten brightly. He turns and looks at me with a smirk that melts my panties. Oh dear. What have I gotten myself into?

We drive up to a local motel not far from the club and my parents' house. I worry for a minute how I'm going to make sure I get home tomorrow so that my parents won't know I didn't stay at Becca's house. I can now feel Caine's eyes on me. I turn, and he looks as though he could eat me alive. Oh my! He asks me to sit tight. I nod, still unable to speak much in his presence.

I watch him walk into the lobby of the hotel. What a damn fine ass he has. I felt it earlier when we couldn't get close enough on the dance floor, but seeing it has a completely different effect on me. I lick my lips and the word yummy comes to mind. I cannot believe what I'm about to do. Perhaps we will just cuddle and watch television all night, stealing kisses every now and then. I wonder if he is getting a room with a king size bed or two doubles. Doubles would be great. The little bit of distance provided by the nightstand will help my raging hormones. In that case, I'm sure there won't be any expectations, and we can get a peaceful night's rest. Tearing my eyes from Caine who is speaking to the front desk clerk, I rest my head on the back of the seat and look out into the night sky. I pray for the heavens above to get me through this. I need to do this. I think it will remedy many issues. I'm going to do this. Mustering all of the strength I can, I smile at Caine as he re-enters the car.

"Our room number is 219. The attendant says to follow this road around to the side, and there is a stairwell we can use."

I don't think he notices any of my hesitation about spending the night with him. I nod, acknowledging him so that he knows I am listening while I fidget with the hem of my coat. I take a couple of soft, calming breaths. Caine pulls into a parking space around the corner and I look up at the second floor, noticing we aren't far from the room. I take another breath before grabbing the door handle. To my surprise, Caine has already begun opening my door and offers me his hand. As I take it, I wonder what he does for work. How does he have so many calluses? As if sensing my uneasiness, Caine pulls me into him suddenly.

"Lacey, are you sure you want to do this?" he asks. Waves of relief wash over me and I almost start singing hallelujah. I could say no, right? But then I'm not proving anything to myself. I need to go through with this to exorcise the demons of my past. Caine runs his hand through my hair, sending chills down to my feet. I honestly want to be close to this man. He has an affect over me like none I've ever felt. I need to follow through to preserve my sanity. I tilt my head as if to reassure him this is what I want. He grabs my hand, shuts the door, and sets the alarm to his car. We climb the stairs hand in hand. I wonder if he is afraid to let go of my hand, on the off chance that I'll change my mind if we lose body contact. He's probably right.

Pulling the keycard out of his back pocket, he opens the door, scoops me up, and grins. I break out in a fit of giggles, throwing my head back in a carefree fashion. I like this playful side of him and it gives me a moment to forget my worries. He shuts the door and throws his keys on the side table. I see he did not get a room with two doubles as I had hoped.

Caine slowly slides me down, his body making me hyperaware of each and every muscle writhing under me. He stops for a moment when I'm on my toes and level with his eyes. He gazes into me, gently lowering me further to the ground, but not releasing me from his embrace. His eyes stare into mine, causing my breath to catch in my throat, and I bite my lower lip in anticipation.

Taking every ounce of self-control I say, "I'm going to use the restroom real quick."

He begins to loosen his hold, and taking a deep breath through his nostrils and then exhaling, he says, "Okay. But don't be too long." He winks as I walk in and close the door behind me. My hand lingers on the doorframe for an extra moment so I can come to terms with the situation. Shaking my head at the position I've put myself in, I turn to look at the person in the mirror, bracing my hands on either side of the sink. Do I recognize my own reflection? Am I being true to myself? People have one-night stands all the time, right? So, why can't I? Just because something happened to me, doesn't mean I can't do this. I need this. I need to rid myself of the constant fear that threatens to lock me in those horrible moments of long ago. I'm tired of it controlling my life. I have one hot stud muffin waiting for me on the other side of that door, and he doesn't make me feel uncomfortable. He makes me feel safe for some reason. Opportunity is knocking. Shutting out the sensible thoughts from my head, I freshen up. Taking one last look at myself, I feel certain I can do this. I slowly open the door and take my time leaving the bathroom.

"Come here," he says as I step out. His voice isn't authoritative but direct. He pulls me away from my thoughts and comforts me with his words and presence. His stare leaves me vulnerable but accepted. My chest tightens as I begin to approach him. The look in his eyes is scary, almost as if he wants to devour me. This entire experience is new to me. My breath quickens as I tilt my head back, offering myself to him with glazed eyes. His stare is breaking down the barriers I've set up in my mind, allowing me to feel and anticipate what is about to happen. I thought it would take a lot more to get past the obstacles I put in place. I don't understand how can he make me feel this safe and secure when I've only just met him. How can I feel this way, when I learned so long ago not to trust guys?

"I wasn't too long, was I?" I tease.

"Oh, yes. Any loss of you in my arms is too long," he says breathily, leaning in to crush my lips with his. He wraps his arms around my waist, pulling me close to his body. I land with my hands on his upper arms to regain my balance. His soft lips tease mine until his tongue gently runs along my bottom lip causing me to moan. Oh God! His tongue enters, controlling the moment, exploring every inch of my mouth and I begin to feel a tightening in my belly. His arms begin to unravel around me so his hands can begin exploring. His kiss deepens, creating a feast of its own. My hands begin to travel, memorizing every detail they uncover.

Caine walks backwards, pulling me with him until his legs hit the edge of the bed. I am so hungry for his touch. Our kiss has turned from passionate to desperate. He turns me around so that I am sitting on the edge of the bed. Kneeling in front of me, he begins trailing down the long zipper of my boot to free my foot. He repeats the same with the other leg. I believe I am suffering from a case of lost sanity. Is there a medication for this? Caine runs his eyes and fingers up my legs, resting his hands on my thighs, just inches away from my folds. I begin to breathe faster and a shiver runs through my body. Caine looks up and smirks, knowing the effect he has on me. He raises himself slowly and pulls me to stand with him. I am intoxicated with desire. He envelopes me into a hug and all reservations I have disappear.

Grabbing a handful of hair, he pulls my head back to place soft kisses from my ear down to my jaw, stopping at my lips. His kiss immediately turns hungry as he squeezes my hips to his. Feeling a little more confident, I reach around to grab his ass. Oh, what a fine ass. I tug him closer, acutely aware of his arousal. I move my hands up under his shirt to feel his skin. It's soft, with hard muscles lying just below the surface. Breathless, he moves his lips down my neck and I have the sudden need to feel all of him. I push his shirt up and he assists me in tugging it off. Caine hikes up my skirt, and with able fingers, traces the outline of my panties. Geez, I wish I had thought to wear a thong tonight; then again, I wasn't planning on this. Oh God! One of his fingers has broken the fabric barrier, revealing my wetness. He brings my leg up around his hip like we did on the dance floor at the club. He moves his fingers to my folds and caresses the sensitive spot, creating a fireball of passion deep within me. I am panting from the sensations flowing throughout my body. I push my hips into him, searching for more satisfaction. Oh my! Each nerve ending is on edge from his touch. My body loosens and my knees become weak. Thank heavens he is holding me up. His lips explore more of my neck, then down to the space between my breasts. My head falls back as the sensations he's giving me take over my body. He thrusts a finger in my heat while circling his thumb on my nub, bringing me closer to ecstasy. He plunges another finger and my breath catches. "Caine." The combination of what his magnificent fingers are doing sends me over the edge. A wave of intense pleasure warms my blood and I find my grip tightening on him as I moan his name again. My chest is heavy and my hips begin to rock, riding out this amazing climax during which I'm sure earth's axis has shifted. He puts his arms around me and hugs me tightly, giving me the opportunity to recover. Oh. My. God! Hello? Amazing!

He moves his lips up to capture mine once again; the kiss gently helps bring me down from my high. He leans forward, placing me down on the bed and settling between my legs. His fingers are skimming the fabric of my dress and I realize he is looking for the zipper. "It's on the side under my arm." He pauses giving me a questionable look. "My zipper. It's on the side."

"Oh," he chortles, "I was wondering. I hate to take this sexy thing off but I need to see you, all of you." Honey, you do whatever you want after that little performance. His fingers find the zipper and he takes his time sliding it down. I'm growing anxious with the need to feel him. I move my hands to find his belt, trying to grip the material to unbuckle it.

"No, not yet," he whispers against my flesh. "I want to see you naked. I need to taste you before I can even begin to satisfy my appetite." What? Oh My God! Where did he learn to talk like this? He begins sliding my dress down, exposing my black satin bra. The swell of my breasts are begging for release. His mouth runs along my collarbone, down to the space between my breasts. He slides his tongue over the top of my breasts as he moves the strap down my arm, giving him more access. He does the same for the other one. Bringing his mouth back up to mine, he lifts my shoulders off the bed, wraps his hand around my back, and unclasps my bra. He tosses it over the bed where it joins his shirt on the floor. He runs the tip of his fingers from my jaw down, on to tease my chest as his hand moves down to grasp the bottom of my dress. He drags it, along with my panties, the rest of the way off my body, adding them to the growing pile of clothes.

"So beautiful," he purrs, moving his lips from my stomach to my breasts. Teasing, pulling, and finally nibbling, he causes a growl to erupt from my throat. "Let's see if you are ready for me," he says with determination in his eyes. He lowers himself, kissing along the way to my mound, finding that 'oh' spot. I begin wiggling under his touch. He places his hands on each hip, steadying my body's reaction, to regain control. The room starts to blur as I pant from the irresistible certainty of reaching my second orgasm of the night. As I find my release, my body stiffens and he continues licking and sucking to draw out my climax. I quickly begin to regain consciousness and pull my legs closed; the sensation is too much. I cannot take anymore. Oh dear. He begins to work his way up, smirking at me, and stopping at my breasts to enjoy the feel of them in his hands. I pull my legs around him, attempting to get his pants off. I now want to see him. He chuckles, "I've got this." He stands and I immediately regret the loss of his body heat. He drops his pants. Oh. Boxers follow. Oh my. His dark eyes never once leave mine as he plants himself back where he was in order to kiss me. Tasting me on his lips is completely unexpected, because experience is something I seriously lack. If only Caine knew how inexperienced I am and why. I pull my mouth from his to shrug the bothersome thoughts away. I will not allow this moment to be ruined. This moment is mine. I hear the sound of a crinkling wrapper and realize he is putting on a condom. Oh, thank heavens. I think I was about to ask him if he had protection. Wasn't I? I believe my brain has abandoned all rational thought. Even though I'm on the pill, who knows what unwanted gift he could give me. I am grateful for his intact conscience; it's bad enough I'm allowing myself to do this.

Caine lifts himself to settle at my entrance. He leans down, "You are so beautiful." He thrusts his tongue in my mouth as soon as he plunges into my heat. I gasp, caught off guard by a slight sting and the obtrusive fullness of his cock. I'm praying he cannot tell I'm a virgin. Sure, I can be a tease and move my body as if I'm very experienced, but truthfully, I don't have a clue. It's how I stay in control.

Our breath quickens as Caine gently rocks in and out, reaching behind and grabbing my rear to increase the force. With his weight on his elbow, he takes his other hand behind my neck, crushing his lips to mine. We pull apart just slightly, both still out of breath. He accelerates his movements. My emotions begin to get the better of me and I find myself praying this will be over soon. It feels great but I think I'm going to have a panic attack. The enormity of the situation is hitting me deeper with every one of his thrusts. If everything my friends brag about in school is true, he is climaxing soon. He grunts loudly, "Lacey." He utters, "Uh, so fucking beautiful, Lacey." He increases the tempo more and then stills his body, spilling into the condom while taking a deep powerful breath. After a couple more pushes, he looks me in the eye with astonishment and pride. He leans in for another kiss. This kiss is back to being calm and tender. We continue for a few more minutes. "You were amazing. I could never get enough of you," he assures me, stealing another kiss. Never enough... What does he mean? I thought this was a one-night stand. This isn't supposed to go any further. I don't do the whole boyfriend thing. I've only ever known guys to think with their dicks and that is usually the only thing they want with girls. They have a selfish need to fulfill their desires, regardless of what a girl deserves and needs. I suddenly have a hard time breathing.

Sensing something is off, Caine asks, "You okay?" I rub his back to encourage him everything is all right, "I just need to use the restroom." He rolls over and discards the condom, allowing me to get up. Without him noticing, I quickly grab my phone on my way to the bathroom. I shut the door, close my eyes, and take a deep breath. I can feel the tears threatening to spill as I wonder if I've lost the control I put in place years ago. What the hell was I thinking? I throw my head in my hands, reaching deep within me to figure a way out of this. I know my emotions are taking over and I'm not thinking straight. But I also know I need to make myself presentable once I leave this room, so I block out the terror I feel inside. Caine doesn't need to see me crying over this because he doesn't deserve me using him to get over my past. What the fuck is wrong with me? Why didn't I think about this an hour or two ago like a normal person would have?

Oh dear God, I'm sore. What is the fucking hype with sex? Why do people talk about this being good if it freaking hurts like this? I glance down at my phone and text Becca.

Lacey: Sunday 2:04am: R u still awake?

I sit on the toilet to try and pee, worried it will hurt. And, oh my God, that burns. Shit, I gently dab myself dry because my bottom is on fire. I'm unable to properly wipe. I hear my phone vibrate on the counter.

Becca: Sunday 2:05am: Yeah, why?

Good, she is still awake. I pray she can come get me. Fuck, what the hell am I going to tell her? I can't think about that right now. I'll wing it like I always do.

Lacey: Sunday 2:09am: Do u mind picking me up now? I'm at the motel on Raynor Drive by the airport. The one on the left going toward the club. I'm fine, just ready 2 get out of here. I'll b waiting outside in 30 mins. I owe you. Thx luv.

Okay, Lacey deep breaths, get yourself together. I splash water on my face and wash my hands. My phone buzzes again. It's Becca.

Becca: Sunday 2:10am: On my way!

I leave the bathroom to find Caine under the blankets. He pulls the covers back for me to join him. "Hey, baby. Are you okay?" he asks.

"Yeah, I'm just a little sore." Dammit, did I just give myself away? You can be sore without being a virgin, right? He wraps his arm around my waist pulling me into his warm body. It feels so nice and comforting. I feel like a horrible person for what I've done to him and how he'll feel when he wakes up. There is no other option but to leave and pray he'll find someone who treats him right.

He kisses my cheek and hums with contentment. I rest my arm on top of his, tracing his defined muscles with my fingers. He lays his head on the pillow and exhales. Hopefully, he will be asleep in no time. Sure enough, I hear his breath slow and his body jerks as his muscles relax. I wait for a couple more minutes to ensure he won't wake up when I slip out of the bed. I thought this was going to be easy. I can tell Caine could be a great lover, but I'm not right for him. I'm not sure I'm right for anyone really. I gently lift his arm, roll out of the bed, and gather my clothes from the floor. Tiptoeing to the bathroom, I get dressed in record time. I grab my license, phone, coat, and shoes, and quietly exit the hotel room. There is no need for a note explaining my escape. He'll be fine. I don't bother putting on my coat or boots; I just need to get the hell out of here. The cold pavement is a nice distraction from the emotions running through my head right now. I turn the corner in line with the front office just as Becca pulls up. I run to the car, not bothering to look back to see if Caine is there.

# CHAPTER THREE

The Truth

"Do you want to tell me what all that was about?" Becca asks as I settle in the seat and latch my seatbelt. The enormity of what just happened is still sinking in.

"It's nothing; he fell asleep, and I was ready to leave." I pause. "How did it go with Lucas?" I glance out the window, watching the lights of the hotel fade into the distance. I take a deep breath, feeling a little relief for getting away without him knowing. I look over at Becca, still waiting for her to respond. She is looking at me, taking a moment to size me up and down, paying extra attention to my bare feet. "What?" I ask her defensively.

Drawing her focus back to the road, she shrugs. "Nothing." I exhale an exaggerated breath and roll my eyes at her unsolicited cold shoulder. "Thank you for coming out to get me. I wasn't planning to leave before the morning. I just started to freak out and needed to leave. I hope you weren't in bed," I say apologetically.

"Nah, I was still keyed up from talking with Mr. Smexy." She says.

"Oh, really?" I giggle. "Smexy?" I ask staring out the window at the beautiful night sky. There isn't a cloud in sight. I bet we could see more stars if the light from the city didn't pollute the sky. "What did you guys talk about?"

Tipping her head to the side, Becca replies, "I don't know. We talked about a lot of stuff. I told him about school, and about how I'm going to College Park in the fall. He just re-enlisted in the Navy, and is preparing for a deployment. Oh, did Caine tell you he is in the Navy? Apparently they're best buds and are stationed at Fort Meade in the same barracks." Oh my God, NO!

My eyes grow wide. "No, he didn't say anything about being in the Navy." I start playing with the hem of my dress. "We didn't do a whole lot of talking."

"Oh, I seeeeeeee." She says exaggerating the word.

I watch her out of the corner of my eye, praying she won't press me for any more details. I already feel horrible. I would even go as far as to compare myself to the crap on the underside of your shoe for walking out on Caine. I don't know if I can stand talking about it. "So, are you going to see Lucas again?" I ask her in an attempt to change the subject.

"Well, Lucas is only going to be here for another month. We talked about maybe going to breakfast next Sunday after church." Ugh, church. I need to get myself into confession, stat.

"That's cool you guys hit it off." Shifting in my seat, I hope she's too distracted with driving to see my discomfort. If Lucas and Caine are best buds and Lucas knows how to get in touch with Becca, I may have just screwed myself over with Caine. Jeez, God take me now. I knew they arrived together at the club, but I didn't know they were best buddies. How stupid am I? Motherfucker! So much for a freaking one-night stand! It did nothing to help me rid the demons from my past. What the hell do I do now? There is no way I can see him. I'll just tell Becca I don't want any contact from him again. She'll respect my wishes but not without more questions. Bitch. That's what I get for dragging my flipping best friend out with me tonight. I don't ever want to have to explain my reasons for leaving. I'm so done for!

Becca pulls the car up to her large, historic home. I love being here. It is so big that her parents will never notice her absence or that we are only just arriving. To avoid her parents catching us, we take the rear staircase up to her room. "I'm going to get a bath before turning in. Do you have something I can sleep in?" I whisper. Even though this house is large, it's old and sounds echo throughout. She hands me a t-shirt and pajama pants to change into without saying a word. She knows I need this time to be alone with my thoughts.

I feel so much better after washing up and scrubbing every inch and pore of my body. The beautiful claw foot tub is just as lovely to look at, as it is to bathe in. After getting dressed, I head back to Becca's room finding her nose deep in a book, leaning against the headboard of her bed. She shuts the book as soon as I walk in. I give her a sad smile because I know she is dying to talk. I walk over to the spare bed and tuck myself into the soft sheets. The heavy comforter hugs me and I pray sleep will soon swallow me up.

"Lacey?" Dammit, I haven't escaped her questions. "I understand you don't want to talk about what happened tonight. But I need to ask. Did he make you do something you didn't want to do?" Becca asks me with remorse in her voice.

"What? No, love. He didn't force me to do anything. He was... I don't know, nice?" I reply feeling a little confused. It's true; he was sweet, caring, and attentive. Caine made me feel cherished, and although I don't know any different, I can't help but think that's not common with a one-night stand. I thought it was supposed to be a quick fulfillment of one's needs without any emotions.

"You know you can tell me anything, and I won't judge you; but, does any of this stem... um... from your childhood?" Becca asks apologetically.

I start to cry from the overwhelming emotions that become too much for me to bear. Becca jumps out of bed, slides in next to me, and brushes my hair out of my face. "Lacey, I'm sorry. You don't know how worried I was about you. I was happy to have the distraction of Lucas, or I think I would have gone out of my mind." She takes a deep breath. "What did he do? Are you sure he didn't make you to do anything you didn't want to?" she questions.

"No, no it wasn't anything like that. I..." I close my eyes and force myself to get my thoughts together before continuing. "I honestly thought going through with it would help me forget everything. How freaking stupid is that?" I say disgusted with myself.

"You are not stupid, love. Don't you ever say that again do you hear me? I can't tell you that I know how it feels to be in your situation because I don't. It's absolutely understandable to think a screwphemism will take some of the pain away." She frowns.

"Screwphemism?" I giggle unexpectedly, knowing she is trying to lighten the conversation. Where the hell she comes up with these words is beyond me. "I don't know if it's understandable, Becca. I've thrown another precious piece of me away. I am so messed up." I bury my head in my pillow, ashamed of myself. I cannot believe I just gave up my v-card to a complete stranger. I've gone against all of the morals instilled in me since birth. What the hell was I thinking? All I've ever wanted was to forget those painful memories. Why can't I be normal? Why can't I act like a normal person and not do stupid stuff like this? "What the hell was I thinking Becca?" I look up at her and then we stare into space for a number of minutes before I ask, "So, Lucas was nice?"

"Oh yes, Mr. Smexy was really nice. I don't know if we'll be anything more than friends, but he's funny, sexy, and smart. He travels a lot and won't be around all the time, which is fine by me. This is our senior year and I want to make the most of it without being tied down." She says.

"So... are you going to see Caine again?" The shock hits me and I feel like I'm going to need an AED (Automated External Defibrillator) to start my heart again. Oh my God, I didn't tell her I walked out on him without saying anything. Fuck!

"Er... um, God Becca, I didn't tell you." Already regretting what I'm about to say, I continue. "I kind of didn't tell Caine I was leaving."

Her body immediately tenses. "You what?" she screams.

"Shh, you're going to wake up the house." I put my hand over her mouth to shut her up. Becca has eight siblings: three brothers and five sisters, four of which still live at home. However, each room holds an extra bed so that her siblings can visit anytime they would like.

She quickly sits up in bed. "Lacey, that's crazy shit! You know he is going to have Lucas call me, or worse, Caine will somehow get my number from Lucas and call me himself! Dammit Lacey, what the fuck were you thinking? Look at the shituation you just fucking created." She reprimands me shaking her head.

I turn towards her. "I know, I know. I'm sorry. I got scared. I was upset over doing something so stupid. I didn't know what to say to him when he woke up in the morning. I became anxious and I had all of these scenarios playing out in my head, none of which included putting you in the middle of this. I thought it was best to just leave without dealing with the awkwardness of the morning after." I pray she'll understand when I sit up to meet her gaze.

"Ugh! I can see your point, but are you fucking kidding me? Now I've got to run interference to protect my bestie." She stops. "Unless... you want to see him again, that is." She pinches my arm and smiles.

"You can go back to your bed now if you are going to start physically assaulting me." I giggle. Becca starts laughing too. We both turn onto our backs to look up at the plaster ceiling. There is a soft, ambient glow peeking in through the windows from the porch light and its casting shadows. You can barely make out the few water stains from a leak discovered last year; resulting in a completely new slate roof that I'm sure cost a pretty penny to replace.

"I don't know if I could ever face Caine again. First of all, I slept with him the night I met him – so you know he already has a poor impression of me – and second, I left without so much as a note; which, did I mention he will already have a poor impression of me?" I utter sadly.

Becca quickly jolts up as if a light bulb went off in her head. With a gleam in her eye, it's obvious she thinks she has come up with a brilliant idea. "I know what will help! How about we get some sleep and go for some retail therapy after church?" She winks with a hint of excitement before lying back down.

"I think that's a great idea, love. Thank you again for coming and picking me up. I don't know what I would do without you." I tell her, smiling.

"Awe, I love you, too, bestie." She replies. Soon sleep takes me away from my problems with Becca by my side.

~*~*~

I am relieved to walk into church this morning; I need to wash away my sins. Unfortunately, there isn't an opportunity to spill my guts in the confessional and pray for divine forgiveness before service. However, just being in God's house is soothing and I've always felt content surrounded by these walls. I say a number of Hail Mary's, Our Father's, and a few of my own prayers, hoping God will forgive my appalling behavior last night. Sitting in the pew next to Becca, I look around to see if anyone is looking back at me. I'm worried the congregation is examining me as if I'm Sarah Osbourne, soon to face accusations of witchcraft. Thankfully, in today's society, claiming the devil could take on the form of a person won't be cause for people to shun me. I definitely met the devil in the flesh as a child, and he stole something from me. Becca nudges me awake, returning my mind from its adventure in 'Lacey Land.' She would kick my ass if she knew what was going on in my head. I smile and realize no one is staring, ready to shackle and leave me to die for the sins I committed. I breathe a sigh of relief.

After church, Becca and I drive to the mall. Becca is addicted to shopping. I love finding unusual pieces but I'm not as crazy as Becca about the whole thing. I find two dresses I fall in love with on the spot. Once I try them on, I find myself in heaven. A matching pair of shoes practically falls into my lap and sends me over the edge into giddiness. Becca is over the moon with her finds too, but then again, she looks good in anything. We manage to do some damage to our wallets. "Are your feet hurting yet?" I ask her, feeling the effects of my fashionable, but by no means functional, boots from last night.

"Yeah, let's drop these bags off in your car and get something to eat before we go." She demands, exhausted from carrying her multiple purchases.

"Sweet, I'm starving!"

"So, what are you in the mood to eat?" she asks.

"Hello, do you even have to ask?" I act stunned.

"I wasn't sure if you were in the mood for our signature salad again." She says defensively, dropping her shopping bags into my trunk.

"Of course I am. I think I can eat it every day. Then again, I would probably have to work out a lot more too." I laugh. We walk into Chevy's Fresh Mex and the hostess seats us quickly. The waiter takes our drink orders and allows us time to peruse the menu. "Really, Becca? Don't you think they should recognize us by now? Do we really need a menu?" I ask surprised.

"Well, I guess they want to make sure we have a menu in case hell freezes over and we change our minds." She replies smiling.

The waiter comes back with our drinks. "What can I get you ladies to eat?" he asks.

"I'll have a tostada salad with chicken and your vinaigrette dressing on the side." Becca responds pulling her phone out of her purse.

The waiter turns to me. "I'll also have the tostada salad but without meat, hold the guacamole, and I'll use the sour cream as my dressing, please," I say handing him the menus.

I situate myself in the chair, finally finding a comfortable position, because I'm still slightly sore. When I move to take a sip of my soda, I notice the look on Becca's face. "What?" I ask.

"Um, it's a text from Lucas." She says softly.

"Okay." I say and then it dawns on me. "Oh... did he mention something about Caine?" I ask wincing at the possibility.

"Um... yeah. You could say that," she says playing on her phone.

"What are you doing? Becca? What are you telling him? What are you not telling me?" I ask her desperately.

"Simmer down now. See for yourself," she says handing me her phone.

Lucas: Sunday 1:28pm: Becca, sorry to ask this, but Caine is going insane. Where is Lacey?

Becca: Sunday 1:32pm: At lunch with me. Why?

Lucas: Sunday 1:33pm: Caine is pissed and needs to speak to Lacey ASAP.

Lucas: Sunday 1:34pm: Can I get her phone number?

Becca: Sunday 1:36pm: I'll ask.

I hand Becca back her phone. I feel sick. All of the happiness I felt, and the torture I put my feet through today during retail therapy just went right out the window. I can feel my blood pressure increase. "Becca, I can't talk to him," I tell her softly shaking my head and feeling the panic begin to build inside of me.

"Lacey, wait a minute. Why can't you talk to him?" She stops to gather her thoughts. "Maybe he wants to see you again. He doesn't have to be a one-night stand." She shrugs.

"Becca, you know why. I think I'm going to be sick. I cannot..." The sound of another text coming in interrupts me. "What does it say?" I impatiently ask.

Lucas: Sunday 1:44pm: Where are you having lunch? Caine will not stop pacing my room.

"Um, Lucas wants to know where we are," she says.

"Oh my God. No! No! No!" I shake my head. "Don't you dare tell him! He'll ask questions, Becca. He'll demand I tell him why I left. I don't want to talk about it. Besides, once he finds out the truth, he will never want to see me again," I say dejectedly.

"Are you serious Lacey?" she asks amused. "You honestly think if he knows, he won't want to see you again? Have you lost your mind?" she asks sarcastically.

"Becca please, I'm begging you," I plead.

"You know I love you my bestie, but maybe this is the best thing that could happen," she claims, while typing something on her phone. Another minute and she sets her phone down and looks up at me. "Lacey, I'm sorry. I think this is in your best interest."

"What's in my best interest? Did you give him my number?" I ask.

"Maybe." She shrugs.

"Ugh Becca, besties are supposed to have each other's backs. I cannot believe it," I tell her, pulling my phone out of my bag.

"Hey, remember you owe me for picking your sorry ass up in the middle of the night," she smirks. "And why are you looking at your phone if you don't want him to call?" she asks raising one eyebrow.

"It's not that. I don't know." I shake my head back and forth. "I just want to know when, and if he does try to contact me," I try to explain.

"Mm hmm, if that's what you say," she replies. Just then, I am saved when the waiter placing my blessed salad in front of me. I immediately go to work cutting the lettuce into smaller, bite-sized pieces. I take my first bite determined to keep my mouth full, as much as possible so that I don't have to talk anymore. Nothing has come through on my phone. Perhaps he isn't interested. Maybe he wanted my number to chew me out when he has the opportunity. It's also possible Lucas isn't allowing him to contact me until he calms down.

By the time I have consumed most of my salad, I feel much better. I am uncomfortably full. I do it every time. I tell myself not to eat until I'm stuffed, but it's so easy to get lost in this salad. Becca and I settle the bill. "You ready to go home?" I ask her.

"Sure. I need to use the ladies' room and then we can go," she says standing.

"Okay, I'm going to wait for you out in the mall." Becca nods and I make my way out of the restaurant. Distracted by searching for my keys in my purse, I run straight into the poor soul holding the door for me. I look up to apologize, and my heart stops. I'm face to face with a terrifying reality. Caine! A very, pissed off Caine. A freaking, smoking hot, pissed off Caine. Oh my God, he is too damn sexy. His eyes are boring into me, making it hard to look away. Lucas is behind him with his hands in his pockets looking very uncomfortable.

"Um, hi," I say unable to think of anything else.

"Well hello to you, too, Lacey," he says, clearly fuming.

"What are you doing here?" I ask.

"Well I don't know? Maybe I'm looking for you to find out why the hell you left. Why you left without telling me. Why you left without a note. Why you left me no way of getting in touch with you." He is furious. His temper allows me to break eye contact and gaze down at the floor. I shift my feet uncomfortably, knowing where this conversation is headed. I can't even look him in the eye, scared that I might cry. I know what I did was rude and unacceptable; but the actual deed was even more unacceptable. Ugh!

Caine steps in front of me, lifting my chin with his hand. "Lacey, talk to me, please," he says moving a strand of hair behind my ear. His temper has clearly come down a notch or two, putting me a little more at ease.

"Caine, I can't talk about that right now," I say softly, trying to avoid my emotions getting the best of me.

"I don't understand Lacey. I thought we were good. I thought you realized last night that I want more. I can't get you out of my fucking mind. I woke up this morning and freaked out when I found you gone. What did I do wrong?" he asks. OMG! Did he just say that? I can feel my legs melting just in his presence.

Taking a deep breath, "It isn't you, it's me, Caine. Literally, it's all me," I assure him.

"Don't give me that cliché crap. Why did you leave?" he strains.

I hear Becca's gasp behind me. Thank you Jesus! I am so happy for her interruption, although she will be hearing it from me later. I turn around shooting daggers at her. "Hey boys," she says all sassy. Bitch. "What are you guys doing here?" she asks light-heartedly.

My focus remains on Becca. "They are here because you told them where we were," I tell her with a punitive breath.

"Oh, I see. Well in my defense, love, I heard Caine wanted to talk to you," she says innocently.

"Thanks Becca. You're the best bestie," I say sarcastically, with sneering eyes. She laughs and waves me off as if I'll quickly get over it.

"Uh Lacey, can we go somewhere to talk?" Caine asks, interrupting my thoughts of avenging Becca.

"Er... I don't know where we can go." I look around.

"Come on; let's go sit on one of the benches outside." He points outside and grabs my arm as he begins to walk toward the exit.

"Um, okay... Becca?" I probe shakily.

"Oh, that's fine honey. Take your time. We'll be in here. You can call me when you're done, bestie," she says all innocently. Bitch.

Caine leads me to the far bench overlooking a desolate parking lot with a thick, lush forest as its backdrop. "Caine, I'm sorry for running out on you," I begin, hoping to get this over with as soon as possible. I start twisting my fingers to ease my nerves.

"I don't understand. You say I didn't do anything wrong, but something caused you to leave," he says. Dammit. I hate talking about this.

"There are just some things you don't know about me. That's all," I say. He moves to take my hand in his, causing me to flinch.

"Really, Lacey? Last night, we did a lot more than hold hands," he says. I close my eyes to get my thoughts together.

"Caine, what I did last night, I've never done before. Ever," I admit.

"Well, it's not like I go around having one-night stands either," he shoots back.

"No, you don't understand. I've never had a one-night stand before because... because I've never..."

Caine cuts me off. "What? Are you saying you were a virgin?" he asks completely shocked. I close my eyes, not wanting to digest the gravity of what I gave away. I nod, unable to say the truth. Caine inhales a deep breath and exhales slowly. We sit for a moment. He still has my hand but his grasp has increased. "Do you regret it?"

"Um, I don't know," I answer him honestly.

"I understand. I'm sorry, Lacey. I had no idea. I cannot believe I was so stupid for not figuring it out," he says, hunching over, as if defeated.

"Caine, you had no way of knowing. It's not like you had to break through something." I shrug.

"But there wasn't any blood. I thought if you were a virgin there would be a lot of blood," he says, with a confused look. I smile.

"Are you saying you have never taken someone's virginity before, mister?" I ask, raising my eyebrows.

"Well, thanks to you, I don't know what the hell to think." He relaxes.

"Caine, there isn't always blood. It depends on a bunch of things, primarily the female's anatomy. I had a horrific accident when I was younger on my bike that ripped my hymen, causing me to bleed. That is probably why there was no blood last night." I try to assure him.

"Oh, wow. That doesn't sound pleasant," he pipes in.

"Uh, no. It hurt like hell," I tell him.

"How did it happen?" he asks.

"Well, I was riding my bike with my shoelaces untied – a big no-no according to my parents. Anyway, my laces got caught in the spokes and before I realized how tangled they were, I tried to remove my foot to get off the bike. My shoes were too far tangled for me to successfully put my foot on the ground. I tried to brace myself for the fall but my body was twisted. My bike hit the pavement first, and then I landed with a small portion of the seat invading me," I explained.

"Oh my God Lacey, that's horrible. I'm sorry that happened," he says.

"Yeah, well the worst part was my father having to take me to the ER because my mom wasn't home. It was quite embarrassing," I say shyly.

"Well, I guess that explains the lack of blood," he says. "But, you haven't told me why you left," he finished.

"Caine, I don't know why. I just did," I tell him looking away.

"Lacey, you're lying. Don't fucking lie to me. Why did you leave?" he asks with some of his earlier anger returning.

I take a deep, calming breath, close my eyes, and gather the courage from wherever I can find it. "Caine, I'm sorry I left last night without letting you know. It was wrong, but I was scared, embarrassed, and most of all, ashamed." He looks at me with furrowed brows trying not to let my confession hurt him. "Please understand. I wasn't ashamed of you. I was ashamed of myself because I used you." Pain replaces the hurt on his face. "Before you get upset, let me finish." I take a deep breath. "When I was little something happened. I had a great family, or so I thought. One day, mom dragged my sister and me to her parents; it was just like every other time we went to see grandma and grandpa. Mom had to help grandpa repair part of the chicken coop in the backyard. It was hot that day and I couldn't stand the heat, so I stayed inside with the air-conditioning." I pause, remembering each room had its own unit to keep the small three-bedroom home cool from the Florida summer heat. After taking another deep breath, I continue.

"My mom is the oldest of three; mom's sister, who is eleven years younger, was out at the time. Mom's brother, who actually lived with my parents before I was born, was fourteen years younger than mom was. Grandma had gotten really sick, and with grandpa working so much, they couldn't care for him. He stayed with my parents until grandma got better.

Before we arrived that afternoon, grandma had run to the store to pick up what she needed to make supper. Grandpa's small black and white TV was in the family room, and I remember watching some show or other. My uncle was home. He came out of his room, excited about something my grandpa had just gotten him; he was dying to show it to me. My sister was outside helping mom and grandpa. I was alone. He persuaded me to come see what it was, and when I walked into his room, he shut the door behind me and locked it. I asked him why he had to lock it. He told me he wanted to show only one person at a time and my sister could be next. I didn't think anything about it. He pulled out his new G. I. Joe toy. He was excited to get this particular one. He told me I could hold it if I let him tickle me. I didn't like being tickled but I didn't care. So I let him." I stop to take another breath. I feel lightheaded and I'm not sure I can continue. Caine rubs my hand, helping me to concentrate on getting through what I need to tell him. "When he began tickling me, he straddled my body and handed me the toy. He... uh, began moving his fingers around while he was describing all the cool things about it. I wasn't too impressed by his new toy, but I was happy that he was. Grandma and grandpa didn't have a lot of money, so getting a new toy was a huge deal. My uncle then took it away from me and said the figure wanted to feel what it was like to tickle me. I thought he was crazy, but I trusted him because he was my uncle. He was family." The tears are rapidly running down my cheeks, and I'm having a hard time breathing.

"My uncle did something that he shouldn't have; he touched me places he shouldn't have and did things to me that an eight-year-old has no business having done to them. He hurt me." Caine pulls me into him. I'm sobbing uncontrollably in a fucking parking lot. "My uncle took away my childhood that afternoon. I was too scared to tell my mom. He made me promise not to tell, saying I would get in a lot of trouble. He told me my mom wouldn't want me anymore if she found out. I remember once I got back to my house, I cried into my pillow for what seemed like forever. Each time mom needed to go to grandpa's house after that, I tried to come up with an excuse so that I didn't have to go. Most of the time it worked, but when mom forced me to go with her, I prayed the entire ride that my uncle wouldn't be there. I prayed so hard that I sometimes made myself sick. I can't remember how many times my uncle touched and made me do awful things; I've blocked a lot of details out of my head. It's been hard getting past. It screwed me up so much that I had to repeat the third grade because I had missed so many days of school from being 'sick'. My mom took me to the doctor who referred us to a counselor. The therapist gave her the thumbs up that I was fine. He was a quack if I've ever seen one."

"But you said you were a virgin. Does that mean, he... he didn't..." Caine can't even finish his thought.

"No, he never penetrated me. He had me do a number of other horrible things. Sometimes I wonder if he had just demanded sex, maybe it would have been easier. I'm sure it wouldn't, I just wonder sometimes." I pause. "I don't really have boyfriends because I find myself getting caught up in other things to occupy my time. I guess it scares me to have a boyfriend. He might expect me to sleep with him and if I wasn't ready, I didn't think I could deal with it. I didn't go to the club last night expecting to do what I did. I've never thought of ever having a one-night stand. It just isn't me. Something came over me. When I saw you, I was immediately attracted to you. You made me forget the world. I had this overwhelming feeling wash over me while we were dancing and I couldn't get close enough to you. I don't know how to explain it. I thought that maybe you could make me forget. You did actually help me forget for a while. But afterward, the memories came back. It hurt even worse because I gave something precious of mine away trying to forget something that had already been taken away in my childhood. I'm sorry I used you Caine." I finish feeling exhausted and nauseous. I hope my lunch doesn't pay me another visit.

We sit quietly for a few minutes watching the cars drive by us. I think he is digesting what I just said. He hasn't let go of my hand and I wonder if he hates me. Right now, I hate myself for what I did. Caine stands and lowers to kneel in front, surprising me. "I am so sorry for what happened to you when you were younger. I can't fix that. I wish I could; but I don't feel used. If you thought you were using me to run from something, then I'm glad you did because it brought you to me. I really don't want us to be a one-night stand Lacey. We connected and I like you. You are beautiful. I would love more than anything to see where this might go if you give us a chance. I've never felt an attachment with someone like I did with you last night. We moved as if we were one; not as one person, but as if we were one soul on the dance floor. And then in the hotel room, we connected on a deeper level. You can't tell me you didn't feel it, too. Is that why you got scared and ran away? You can't run from me, Lacey. I will track your ass down. You have to talk to me. Please give me a chance to make you happy, baby," Caine says. Oh my, well in that case... I'm overcome with emotions from his declaration of understanding, affection, and persistence.

Caine kisses my hand. "I can't promise anything," I tell him.

"I'll take whatever you can give me." He shrugs. "If you'd like to start over and take it slow, I understand."

I look into his eyes. "Thank you. I think I can handle slowing things down a little." I smile. "But how slow is slow? I don't know if I can stand to be around you without kissing..." Before I could say more, his lips were on mine. It was gentle and passionate, using only our lips. He leans his forehead against mine and we lock eyes. I smile again and so does he. "Thank you," I tell him.

"What are you thanking me for?" he asks.

"For not hating me because of what I did," I say.

"Lacey, I couldn't hate you for wanting to escape a part of your childhood that was painful. If I helped in any way, I'll be happy. Just please don't run again. Okay?"

"Okay," I answer.

"Come here." He pulls me into a tight hug. It's crazy to think we've known each other less than twenty-four hours and we have this effect on each other. I hope this feeling never ends.

# CHAPTER FOUR

Falling

Caine and I have been texting and talking every day since Sunday. He's been amazing the past week, even forgiving me for running out. I'm happy he tracked me down to make me talk and face my problems. I didn't think talking would make me feel better, but it did a little. I haven't seen him since that afternoon in the mall because he's been working late, but its Friday night and we have a date.

Becca had the bright idea of Caine and me doubling with her and Lucas tonight since it's really our first date. Becca knows I'm nervous about being alone with him since this is all new to me. I don't think he would do anything to make me uncomfortable or hurt me; I'm just being cautious because I don't know if I trust myself around him. "Lacey, hurry up they're going to be here soon."

"You know Becca, it would have been perfectly okay if we met the guys at the restaurant. Caine doesn't need to know where I live. What if I decide I don't want to see him again? Is he going to stalk me on my doorstep? Oh my God Becca, he's going to kill me in my sleep if I refuse to go on another date," I tell her as I take a moment to pet my cute dog, Cinnamon.

Rolling her eyes, Becca spits back, "Seriously? You think he's going to try to kill you if you won't go out with him again?" She chuckles and throws a sock at me, causing me to follow suit and join in with her laughter. "That's a good one!"

"Okay, so maybe I exaggerated a little." I show her my thumb and fingers pinched slightly apart and she gives me a look of disbelief. "Fine, maybe I'm worried for no reason. I'm just scared of what could happen, that's all. Remember I don't do this dating and boyfriend stuff." Cinnamon pushes his ear sideways for me to rub it some more, enjoying the love.

"I know bestie. Don't worry. I'll be there tonight, and I won't let anything happen to you. I hope you believe that there is no reason for the worricane."

"Yeah, I know you'll keep me on the right track so nothing happens." I smile and walk towards her for a hug. "You need to stop bothering me so that I can finish getting ready." Taking the bottle of hairspray as my weapon, I act as though I'm going to spray her. We both laugh.

The doorbell rings about ten minutes later and Cinnamon runs to greet whoever is on the other side. Mom answers the door, beating Becca and I to it with a devious smile on her face as if she just won the lottery. "Good evening gentlemen." I hear my mom greet the guys. She couldn't wait to meet them since finding out a guy caught my eye.

"Mom, is that them?"

"I believe so sweetie, unless you might be expecting another two gentlemen by the names of Caine and Lucas." I can see her smiling as she leads them into the family room. He doesn't see me yet and I watch Caine as he moves stealthily across the room.

I silently approach him while he seems lost in ogling over my father's collection of guitars. I'm not sure if he heard me walk in or if he can feel the magnetic pull between us. It makes the hairs raise up off my skin just having him in the same room as me. He turns slowly with one eyebrow raised and smiles. Oh no! He's looking at me with those fucking bedroom eyes. Dammit! I hope he isn't expecting anything tonight. I didn't prepare myself for a repeat of last Saturday night.

He turns to my mom. "May I?" Caine asks, pointing to one of my dad's acoustic guitars.

"Sure," Mom replies unsure of what is going to happen next. I don't blame her. Caine gently reaches for the guitar of his choice. I had no idea Caine could play the guitar. Then again, why would I? I walked out on him without taking the opportunity to get to know him at all. And now, he is in my house, standing next to my mom with one of my dad's guitars strapped around him.

He begins to pick the strings as if he knows what he's doing. I turn around to look at Lucas who's wearing a huge smile. He notices I'm watching him as his smile grows, while comfortably standing with this arm around my best friend. Hmm, I wonder if there is more going on and Becca failed to mention it. I will have to ask her tonight when we get back to her house.

Caine begins humming and everything else ceases to exist. He's playing a familiar song and it takes me a moment before I can place it. OH. MY. GOD. He's playing 'In Your Eyes' on the freaking guitar and singing along. The raspy sound coming from his lips draws me in. The sound is often mistaken as the result of alcohol and lack of sleep. His closed eyes are drawing me closer to his soul. I can see him internalize the words as he feels the music. The beauty of the man in front of me has me completely mesmerized. I think I might drop my panties like a crazed groupie. Fuck! I'm not supposed to feel this much for him; it's too soon.

It sounds like he is playing the Jeff Gaines version of the song and dammit, that voice is sexy. I can't take my eyes off him. Caine opens his eyes as he sings about being lost and fuck me. He's singing to me, no doubt. I clearly hurt him by walking out on him last weekend. I didn't mean to hurt him. He seems like a great guy, but I just couldn't get past the thoughts swarming in my head. I hope he will be able to forgive me. I never in a million years meant for the monumental events of last weekend to happen. Although part of me is so happy it did, I'm still trying to work through some of my issues so we can have a chance.

He's beautiful, with his long dark lashes gently lying on the cheeks of his face, a face full of deep emotions. He is completely swept up in the song. It's incredible to watch him strumming the chords and it's stirring something in my body, bringing it to life. His words pang my chest. Damn, he is so freaking good! He opens his eyes to look directly into mine while he begins to sing the chorus.

Caine is speaking to me through the song. He doesn't like to see me hurting; when he found me missing at the hotel, his heart was empty; he tracked me down, found me and my light fulfilled him – making him complete. Damn, he knows the way right to a girl's heart!

He closes his eyes to finish the song, plucking slower as the song ends and then he surprises us moving fluidly into another song. This song isn't quite as energetic, I can tell as he softly plucks the chords. Damn, he has some fascinating fingers. Oh God, what am I thinking?

I shout, "I know this one." Caine smiles proudly that I know the classic song, 'Bridge Over Troubled Waters' by Simon & Garfunkel, a song I've heard my dad play many times. Caine is blowing me away by even knowing this song and I wonder why he chose it. Does he relate to it? When I hear him sing the line, "If you need a friend, I'm sailing right behind," I can feel the raw emotions in his voice, and I see it in his body language. I wonder if he's singing this to me because of the painful childhood memories I shared with him last week. He's amazing and talented beyond anything I could have ever imagined. What the hell was I thinking walking away from him? I blink back tears while my mom, Becca and Lucas are sitting on the sofa watching him, swaying and smiling at the performance. At any moment, they are going to break out lighters to wave in the air. There is more to this and I think he's trying to tell me something. He opens his eyes and his deep penetrating gaze settles on me as he sings.

I am completely incapable of pulling my eyes from him. The entire room focuses on him and my peripheral vision has completely darkened. Caine is in the spotlight of my emotions and it's so beautiful; I don't know how I got so lucky.

He finishes the song telling me he will ease my mind. We all clap. Mom, Becca and Lucas give him a standing ovation. I wipe the tears falling and laugh as he puts the guitar aside, stands up, and reaches to me for a hug. His embrace is so warming, which causes a few extra tears to fall. "That was amazing Caine." I try to put a stop on the waterworks for fear of messing up my make-up; raccoon eyes are not what I was going for tonight.

"Oh my God, Caine that was fapulous!" Becca screeches.

He chuckles and whispers, "thank you." His breath hits right in the freaking spot that sends shivers down my spine. I melt against him, taking my first long, deep breath since he started plucking the chords on the guitar. He reinforces my feeling of safety in his arms as he just told me 'he will lie himself down for me'. I've never had anyone make me feel so complete and protected. "Are you ready? I have a date with a beautiful woman and I don't want to waste a single moment." He kisses my cheek.

I blush. "Do you have everything Becca?" I ask her.

"Yep, let's get on with this date-a-thon."

"Bye mom." I kiss her on the cheek. "Remember, I'm staying at Becca's tonight."

"Okay, sweetie. Please be safe," she tells me as I give Cinnamon a little love tap on his head.

"I will. Love you."

Caine reaches for my hand, holding the front door open for me. He kisses my hand before helping me into the passenger seat. Becca and Lucas settle in the back while Caine makes his way around, sliding behind the steering wheel and starting the car. 'Me Love' fills my ears as it flows from the speakers. I love this song and Sean Kingston's Caribbean sound is a potent aphrodisiac, but after the performance that I just witnessed with Caine, that potency might be debatable now. I am still in awe over his ability to sing and play the guitar so effortlessly. Caine lowers the volume and reaches over to hold my hand. I turn and smile at him. "So where are you guys taking us?"

"It's a surprise." His eyes beam brightly and anticipation fills my body.

We drive into Baltimore and I wonder if we are going to a club, but then he pulls into a parking garage reserved for patrons of the Inner Harbor. I still have no idea where he and Lucas are taking us. Caine says, "Wait here." He strolls around the front of the car trying to lock eyes with me. He opens my door offering me his hand. I take it as he pulls me into his arms, and gently kisses me on my lips. His swooning completely melts my hormones. After I grab my purse out of the car, he holds my hand, leading the way to our destination. We stop at a crosswalk where Caine turns to me, and without speaking a word, he takes my mouth to his again. I could never get tired of his kisses. He disregards our surroundings and doesn't apologize for our public display of affection. He wants me and that's all I need to know. Screw everyone else. Becca and Lucas are in their own little world and don't pay any attention to us – thank heavens!

Caine and Lucas lead us to Phillips Seafood, a popular restaurant in Maryland, known for their signature crab cakes. I order a sampler dish that includes crab cakes, blue crabs, and Alaskan crab legs. The others order their entrees, and we settle into comfortable conversation.

Lucas begins to tell us about his next deployment. "I'll be going to Afghanistan first and then they might move me to Iraq if needed before my orders are up." Wow! It's hard to believe where these guys travel. It can be so dangerous. I notice Becca appears nervous but she is trying to conceal it.

"What about you Caine, what is your job? Are you possibly going to get deployed?" I ask.

"I'm in communications. I will be deployed some time in the future, but at the moment, nothing is scheduled." Goodness, how do families do it? I can't imagine having a family and dealing with the traveling for extended periods of time. How do children handle such tough situations? Do they leave a place setting for the missing spouse? Do they continue their day–to-day schedule as if the person is there? I never thought about the difficult times that military families have until sitting here, thinking about Caine leaving. I will make sure I thank servicemen and women each time I see them for the sacrifices they and their families make each day.

"Lacey?" Caine nudges me.

"Oh, sorry, I was daydreaming."

"Am I that boring?" he asks, smiling.

"No, you're not boring at all, silly. I was just thinking about the sacrifices military families make. I think it's great what you do, but to have a family and leave them frequently; I'm sure is difficult."

"Yeah, a couple of my buddies have families, and it definitely takes its toll on everyone." He smiles. "Enough of that, let's enjoy tonight."

"Sounds good," I respond just as the waiter delivers our entrees. "Mmm, everything smells delicious." Yumminess covers my plate, from the mouthwatering butter for the crab legs, to the parsley sprigs sprinkled lightly over mashed potatoes. The crab cake looks fluffy and divine and two Maryland blue crabs stare up at me. I look up at Caine, "Thank you for dinner."

He moves his head down to kiss me. "You're welcome babe." Caine ordered the same dish as I did. Lucas ordered surf and turf and Becca ordered some kind of seafood salad. Bitch! I look bad gorging on the ungodly amount of calories sitting in front of me. Oh well.

We finish our meal and file out of the restaurant, coupled and holding hands. I am full, but not uncomfortably stuffed. The night air surprisingly is warmer than it's been. We stroll along the shops stepping in to warm up a bit every so often. There are a number of specialty stores offering a variety of novelty items. We walk into one that has funny signs and figures comically depicting Baltimore. Caine and Lucas enjoy finding the funniest things to show off.

Lucas holds up a mug that states, 'Maryland, we've got crabs!'

Caine finds another mug, 'I want to get crabby with Maryland crabs.' Becca and I roll our eyes.

"Now this is a bang piece!" Becca points to a sign. "'Always give 100% at work: 12% on Monday, 23% on Tuesday, 40% on Wednesday, 20% on Thursday, and 5% on Friday.'" We all chuckle wondering if we could actually get away with that low of a performance. After a while, we realize the sales clerk is getting a little annoyed, so we moved on. Walking over to the aquarium, we watch the seals in their outdoor playpen. Caine stands behind me, wrapping his arms around my waist with his chin on my shoulder as we watch these entertaining creatures. It's a wonderful moment and I couldn't be happier in his arms. I could stand here forever if the cold wasn't beginning to set into my bones.

Caine must feel me shaking as he squeezes me tighter. "You're cold baby, how about we get out of here?" He suggests.

"Okay. What do you want to do now?"

"Would you like to come back to the barracks and I'll show you my room?" he asks.

I look down at my feet, not fully understanding the feelings that suddenly came over me. "Um, okay."

Caine takes his fingers to pull my chin up to meet my gaze. "Lacey, we don't have to do anything. I told you I would go slowly. Please don't be afraid of me, or what could happen between us. I will not force you to do anything you aren't comfortable with. I just want to show you my room and some things that represent me. I want us to get to know each other." I smile at him.

Lucas asked Becca to go back to his room as well; which is five doors down from Caine's. Caine parks the car and before we start walking to the door, he says, "We aren't allowed to have guests after eleven, so we have to sneak you in."

"Um, what? How exactly are you planning on sneaking us in?" I ask confused.

"Well, we'll lift you girls through the window."

"You're joking, right?" I ask. He shakes his head and I look over at Becca to gauge her reaction. She smiles. "Fine."

Walking down the open grassy area separating two buildings both housing military personnel, Caine and Lucas explain how they will sneak us in. "We'll hoist each of you into our rooms through the window, and then we'll go through the main entrance to our rooms. It's a piece of cake and our friends do it all the time. We just have to be careful of the guy standing guard in the barracks across the way. He tends to be an ass and will report us for misconduct if he catches us."

"Lovely," I reply and Caine grabs my ass playfully. I scream and everyone gives me the "Shhh," as if I did it on purpose.

Becca quietly yells at Caine, "If you guys are sneaking us in, there will be no grabbastic going on here!" Lucas reaches around and squeezes Becca's rear causing her to swat him away. Caine and I laugh.

"Okay, Lacey you're first since Caine's room is the closest and straight across from the fuckwit over there," Lucas says motioning to the poor guy standing watch. Oh my God, no wonder Lucas and Becca get along so well; he speaks her language!

I walk over to Becca and give her a hug. "I'll text you in a little bit, okay?"

"Alrighty, love. Mwah" She loudly kisses my cheek.

Caine went inside and opened his window before returning to push me up with Lucas' help. The height of the window was not normal for one story; it was taller making it harder to climb in but we managed. I stand in his room waiting for him to help get Becca safely inside. I began looking around his room as I shrug out of my sweater. The walls are cinder blocks painted white. A large Florida Gators flag hangs over one bed and band posters over the other. I'm not exactly sure which bed is Caine's and which belongs to his roommate. I'll just wait for that clarification. A guitar sits next to the door and the closet won't quite shut because of the huge amount of uniforms, civilian clothes, and duffle bags that it holds. It is a typical enlisted man's closet. Just as my eyes begin to take in another wall, the door flies open. It's Caine. My face lights up and he saunters over to me, wraps me in his arms, and kisses me so hard that he knocks me off my feet. There is so much to him that it scares me because when I'm near him, I can't help but fall for him.

He lets go. "I want to play another song for you," he says, motioning to his bed under the Florida Gators banner. Now I know which is his; I was confused at first because the band pictures fit with his playing the guitar, and I briefly thought that could be his side of the room. I sit on his bed while he pulls his desk chair out and wraps the strap to his guitar around his neck. Clearing his throat, he begins to pick the strings.

He begins the song, but I'm not familiar with it. And then he starts to sing... oh dear God! My insides melt as he sings Eric Clapton's 'Running on Faith'. So many songs can convey the message he wants to tell me. He was hoping and praying I would give him a chance because he had nothing but hope; and it would crush him if I didn't. Did he just say love? Oh my God!

I sit, mesmerized by his words. He sings beautifully and with so much emotion. My eyes glaze over watching him while my entire body relaxes. Am I falling in love with him? Is he falling in love with me? No, you can't fall in love with someone so quickly. It's impossible. Isn't it? He opens his eyes to sing the 'L' word again.

Is he telling me? Is he asking me? Fuck, I think I'm falling. Maybe I need to see a doctor. Perhaps I'm only infatuated. But then he looks at me, and fuck me to China... I love him.

He finishes the song, sets his guitar aside, and walks over to me. My revelation leaves me paralyzed on his bed. I don't know what to do, but fleeing sounds very appealing right now. Caine places his hands in mine and asks, "What did you think of that song?"

Goosebumps rise up all over my body from the heat of his breath, the scent of his cologne and his handsomeness staring into me. "Um, it was awesome Caine." I can't really say much more. However, if he wants me to show him how much I liked it, I believe I can easily take on that task.

Caine leans in to place his lips on mine after asking, "You think it was just awesome?" I can't think straight. He's teasing me.

"Yeah, just awesome," I respond smiling against his mouth.

"Hmm, I wonder if I can change your mind to something more than awesome." Oh fuck! He leans into me, allowing me to fall back onto his bed. His body covers mine and we kiss. We kiss until our mouths are sore. He begins to rock his hips into mine and I start to fall apart from the ache forming inside of me. Our kiss becomes heated and our bodies savagely move against one another. It's intense. My hands grab his shirt, wanting to feel his flesh. His hand pulls the spaghetti strap off one of my shoulders and his mouth immediately travels there, sucking and nibbling with want. He pulls away so I can remove his shirt. His hand moves to the hem of my skirt, and sliding his fingers up my thigh and around to my rear, he pulls my hips into his. The arousal pressing into me is waiting to find release from the confines of the fabric holding it back. Caine returns his mouth to mine and pulls me up into a sitting position. Grabbing the skirt of my dress, he pulls it slowly up my body until it's a lonely piece of fabric tossed on the floor. He is pleasantly surprised that I'm not wearing a bra. His fingers brand me as he lays me back on his plush bed, exploring every inch of skin, while dipping his mouth to cover my breast. His hand works my other breast over, pinching and pulling, imitating the movements of his talented mouth. His nibbling on my nipple causes me to gasp and breathe heavier. I wrap my legs around him wanting more. I'm completely lost in the bliss. Caine pulls away and looks me in the eye. "Baby..." he tries to talk, but his erection is taking center stage.

"Please Caine. Pleeease!" I try to convey what my emotions are keeping me from telling him.

Caine understands, lifting his hips to unbuckle his belt and removing his pants as quickly as possible with my help. I don't know if we were working against each other or not, but we both try to remove them with the same speed and force. He leans over the bed and I hear the familiar crinkle of the condom wrapper. Oh, thank heavens.

"Baby, I need you. I don't want to let you go. Will you stay with me tonight?" Caine asks desperately.

How can I deny him? "Yes, please. Please Caine." I can't say anything else for fear I might tell him I love him. He finishes rolling on the condom and it is one of the sexiest things I've seen.

"Let me see how wet you are baby." He runs a finger along my heat, setting a surge of potent nerves on edge. Oh my God! He plunges one finger in, and then another. "Lacey baby, I think you're ready. Are you okay?" he asks, kissing along my jaw.

"Uh huh, please Caine. I need you." Shit, that was close. I can't tell him how I feel. Concentrate Lacey. Caine grabs his cock, placing it at my opening and gently pushes. "Ahhh." I pant and his mouth covers mine to drown out my cries. His tongue invades me as does his hardness pushing in, and once he is all the way in, I take a deep breath.

"You okay?" he asks.

"Yeah."

"I'm going to start moving Lacey. Are you ready for that? Are you ready for me to move inside you and make you come?" Holy fuck! I can only nod as the overwhelming tingles that flow through engulf me. He rocks in and out, bringing his hand down to play with my clit and making me see sparks.

I cannot believe how much I'm enjoying this. It's so much different from last week when I couldn't wait for it to be over. Now, I'm enjoying each moment, every second. I feel my muscles tighten and I'm familiar with it, knowing I'm about to fall over the edge. "Aaaa... Caine!" I say on the verge of yelling.

Caine senses my orgasm and with three more thrusts, he stills his body, joining me in the blissful ecstasy. Oh God, this is so much better. What the hell was I thinking dissing on the whole sex scene. Damn, I'm on fucking cloud nine. He gently kisses me until we both calm from fevering moves.

"Caine..." My phone buzzes with a new text message. "I should see if that's Becca." He nods and lifts himself to discard the condom. I find my phone.

Becca: Friday 11:09pm: Would u b ok if I stayed here?

Caine looks at me smiling. "What is it?" he asks.

"Becca wanted to know if I'm okay with her staying with Lucas tonight."

Caine gives me a mega-watt smile and says, "Fuck yeah!" And I laugh, because that's exactly what I was thinking.

Lacey: Friday 11:12pm: Caine says, fuck yeah and so do I! Text me in the am. Luv u! ☺

Caine jumps on the bed next to me, excited that we get to spend the night together. "Caine, I'm so sorry for last weekend. I promise I won't walk out on you tonight." I pause as a tear escapes my blurred eyes. "I promise, I..." Shit, I can't finish.

He places a finger on my lips, "Shh...," He then covers my mouth, and our tongues dance for a while before settling into a sleepy embrace.

# CHAPTER FIVE

Trust

Six months later...

Caine and I have been dating for six months. I would have never guessed we'd become an item after my first one-night stand. The first time having intercourse, or as Becca calls it, 'Whacking Willy Wonka into Wonderland', scared me to death. It shocked me when Caine confessed to wanting more. Maybe it was the electricity between us. I'm not sure. If there is one person made for each of us, I believe Caine is mine. I'm head over heels in love with this man. He makes me feel so worshipped and cherished that all my fears and troubles fade away in his embrace. He is extremely affectionate and doesn't hide his feelings for me from anyone – anyone. My family has grown to like him and automatically include him in our Sunday family dinners. My only reservation with Caine is his tendency to be a little possessive of me. We've talked many times about him trusting me and I feel we are working through it.

I met Caine's family when he took me home to Florida around Christmas. We were both surprised when we found out Florida is our shared home state. His parents seem nice, but I'm kind of glad they don't live close. I don't know how his mom would handle seeing him dating me - or anyone for that matter. She didn't care for the overt affection her son gave me. From what Caine has told me, his mom experienced a rougher life than most. I guess one could understand why she is skeptical of anyone in her children's lives. I did find out she's an alcoholic and when she's had a few drinks, she talks way too much. She went into unnecessarily graphic detail about an accident Caine had playing football in high school. Her over the top description was a bit much for me to pay close attention to, and she could have found a more delicate way to tell me he was sterile. I think she uses alcohol to medicate her emotional problems and there is no way I could handle being around her daily.

I handle the visit as well as can be expected. I bite my tongue on several occasions and slap on my fake smile, trying to remember the manners my parents taught me. I am respectful and ignore her intense stares. If the worse thing to happen during the visit is putting ketchup on my steak, then I think I'm golden. There is nothing like sitting down for supper with a group of strangers who stare at you because you put ketchup on your plate. Excuse me; did I commit a freaking crime? I don't eat any meat without ketchup. It's just one of my quirks. If Caine's family wants to accept me, then they won't have a problem with it, right? Right. Nothing and no one will come between Mr. Heinz and me.

Becca and I both graduated with honors last week and it is so refreshing to have school behind me; at least for now. I'm going to take a year off to help my parents with the stores and plan to attend a local college next year. Becca will be leaving in less than two months for college, but she'll be close enough to see often.

Caine and I go out about once a week to a club in either Baltimore or DC. Becca joins us as much as possible, as does Lucas when he's home from his deployments. Becca and I are in the habit of getting ready at my house; it's easier. Not to mention that if Becca's parents ever saw what we wore as we left the house, they would immediately lock us in a room until they could get a priest to arrange a home visit. We don't dress like trash or anything. We like to feel pretty and wear outfits that show off our curves. I'm especially fond of what I'm wearing tonight.

"Lacey honey, can you get the door?" my mom hollers from the kitchen. "I think its Caine and Lucas."

"Okay mom." I finish putting on my lip-gloss and give myself one last look in the mirror before heading out to answer the door, with Cinnamon on my heels. Opening the door, I see Caine's face light up and I return the sentiment with a wide grin. I'm very proud of my choice of clothing right now, and from the look on Caine's face, he definitely approves too. I give myself a mental high five.

"Hey babe. You look hot tonight." Caine reaches behind my neck to pull me into a gentle kiss. He pulls back and I immediately grieve the loss of his lips.

"Miss me?" I ask with a wicked smile.

Caine laughs and brushes his lips against mine again. A throat clears behind him. Peeking around Caine, it dawns on me that we have company. Oops! "Hi Lucas!" I shout a little louder than I mean to. "Becca's finishing up. She'll be out in a minute." I move aside to allow them to enter. Caine runs his hand softly across my stomach as he walks by, never breaking eye contact, and sending flames throughout my body.

Mom comes out of the kitchen, breaking our stare. I glance at Lucas as he walks by and find him rolling his eyes. Mom stops in her tracks when she sees what I'm wearing. I blush. "Mom, I'm going with Caine and Lucas. They'll be with me the whole night. You don't need to worry," I say, trying to reassure her with a quick kiss on the cheek.

My outfit doesn't leave much to the imagination, though it covers all the right places. I'm wearing a stonewashed jean skirt with frayed edges that stop about mid-thigh. It's not too restricting so it won't interfere with dancing. My top is a new favorite that I found in a boutique last week while shopping with Becca. It's white with ties behind my neck and around the waist that hold it in place. The fabric covering my stomach is lace and looks great. I've been exercising a lot lately, as my weight has always been a problem. I've sported baby fat up until two years ago when I began working hard for this body. I want to show it off. This outfit does just that and I love it.

I excuse myself to check on Becca. I hear mom welcome the boys as I retreat to my room. "Guess who is here?" I say wiggling my eyebrows.

"Smexy!" she says squealing.

"Oh my God, Becca! Lucas is going to shit his pants when he sees you, love. You are gorgeous!" I exclaim.

Becca smiles while looking herself over in the mirror. She is wearing cut off shorts, and a lace top paired with black, chunky heeled sandals. She looks hot. "Yeah, I think I'm ready to knock 'em dead on the dance floor tonight!" she says, sashaying across the room.

"I can't wait! Let me get my sandals and we can go," I tell her as I search my room for the other shoe. "Damn, where the hell did I put it?" I mumble mostly to myself as I begin pulling all my shoes out of my closet.

"Where did you put what?" Becca asks.

"My other shoe," I reply short of breath.

"Great, another domestic blind moment, Lacey?!" Becca scolds me instead of questioning. I roll my eyes and move to look under my bed to search for the missing shoe.

"Ah-ha! I knew it was here," I cry. Tonight I chose to wear my white strappy sandals. Mom says they are more like heels. I love how they show off my freshly painted 'beautiful berry' toenails.

"Hey Becca, are you still planning on moving in with your sister at college?" I ask while putting in my silver hoop earrings.

"Yeah, why?" she asks confused.

"I'm just wondering. You're leaving in a couple months, and I don't want anything to change," I confess, hoping I would not become tearful.

"Oh my God!" she says turning towards me with a hard stare. "What the hell, bitch? Don't you dare get all sappy and sissy on my ass now!" Oh dear, she's annoyed and on a roll. "You and I will see plenty of each other. Nothing changes. In fact, I'll become your annoyer-in-chief. You'll only be forty-five minutes away love. How dare you threaten my makeup with the water works by getting all girly on me now!" she says, annoyed.

Shooting her an evil look I reply, "Where the hell do you come up with that shit?"

"Um, hello? Have you ever heard of the fucking Urban Dictionary? I'm simply keeping it 100," she says with attitude.

"Becca, most people have no idea what the hell you are saying half the time." I smile and blow her a kiss to keep her from going postal on me.

"I could care less about what people think. This world is full of annoyertating people. Now get your ass out there. We have a dance floor to heat up," she manages to say as she shoves me out of my room. "By the way..." She stops, becoming distracted when turning the corner into the family room. Lucas' eyes nearly pop out of his head when he catches sight of her. Good, that will shut her up for now.

I turn to Caine, who has already gotten out of his seat to grab my elbows and kiss my forehead. "Hi," he says.

I smile, thinking he's silly since we've already said our hellos. "Hi there yourself, handsome." I say, with an innocent smile on my lips, which he returns with one of his own. It's a grin so sexy it would make anyone with a double X chromosome drop their panties.

He sweeps past me, planting a swift kiss on my cheek. "You ready?" he asks. I almost forgot he was talking to me. My lustful thoughts from the heat of his breath on my ear have immersed me. I try to recover from the goose bumps while I watch him walk into the kitchen to bid his farewell to mom. He looks hot and sexy as hell, from his tight gray shirt and low riding jeans down to his black boots. His meticulously groomed dark, almost black hair gives him the look of a bad boy, the moves of a sex god, and a touch as sweet as a Granny Smith apple pie. Hmm, that boy should be banned from wearing jeans like that. He looks so yummy it could be lethal.

"Oh... um, yes, let me go get my purse," I finally answer. Whew, I need to get myself together or mom will not allow me out of this house. Quick, think of a distraction! "Good night, Cinnamon." I say, picking him up and ruffling the fur on his head. Now that I have my hormones under control, I set Cinnamon down and walk out after giving mom a hug.

Caine's driving tonight. He opens my door for me and waits, allowing me to settle in before leaning down and placing a chaste kiss on my cheek. He walks around to his side while Becca and Lucas get in the backseats. Caine turns on the car and music immediately warms my ears. I love moments like this. The anticipation of losing myself on the dance floor for hours is exhilarating. It frees me to express my emotions with dancing.

We walk into Hammerjacks, one of the clubs we frequent in Baltimore, and Caine pays my cover fee. Rozella's 'Everybody's Free' flowing through the speakers hits me, making my muscles move of their own accord. I think I've turned Becca into a dance junkie. She and I are in heaven. As soon as we are through the line, we pretty much walk away from Caine and Lucas to get our groove on. Poor boys. We immediately join others on the dance floor, filling out the techno vibe. It's a good crowd as usual for a Saturday night. I've almost escaped into my bubble, to my peaceful place, when I feel a hand snake around my waist. Caine! Turning into him, he moves his hips with mine, allowing me to lead the movements. The lyrics flow through my veins. The pounding of the drums jolt my hips to move in sync with the beat. Caine pulls our bodies closer. We lose ourselves in the rhythm. Bending our knees as the music pulsates through us; his hand splays out across my abdomen. My back is to his chest with only moisture and our clothing separating us. This feels so good. Just being in this environment melts away all my worries and problems. I live for the moment as the music takes over my body.

Caine takes control of our movements pressing my hips into his excitement. He takes his other hand and runs it eagerly over my body, staking his claim on me. The song changes and we carry on, moving together. His hands continue to roam freely without permission. I can feel the sweat beading under my hair. Caine's hot breath is on my neck sending shivers down my spine. Kissing his way up to my ear, he exhales on the spot that makes me see stars. When I feel his moan arise from deep in his throat, I have to close my eyes. His hands leave their place to twirl me around until I'm facing him. His eyes are hooded, his chest is rising faster, and he brings his hands to the sides of my head for what I thought would be a kiss, but at the last moment, he pushes my head back, exposing my neck. Under his complete control, he peppers kisses down to my collarbone, with his hands spread out on the back of my shoulders. My arms are limp and barely holding onto him. I can hardly keep my eyes open when he pulls me in to nibble the top of one of my exposed shoulders. My legs become weak and butterflies take flight in my stomach with the sensual control he has over me. We are making out on the dance floor in sync with the music as he pushes me closer to the edge with the friction of his leg. Sensing my arousal, he places a hand on the small of my back to increase the pressure. I am breathing hard. The feeling is exquisite when he moves his mouth to slide his tongue slowly up my neck stopping at my jaw, and proceeds to plant wet kisses there, until he reaches my mouth. His kiss becomes hard without warning, making me curl my toes, and he knows I'm close. Pulling his mouth away for a moment while our bodies continue to move in a provocative manner, he looks into my eyes searching for answers to an unspoken question. All of a sudden, his lips are on mine again, the kiss becoming more intense until I find my release. Then he pulls me as close as he can to relish in what just happened. As I begin to come down from my high, he kisses my cheek, up to my forehead, and down to the other cheek. "Come with me," he says. I nod, feeling as though I need some distance from Caine to clear my head. His presence intoxicates me.

Caine practically drags me upstairs and leads me through another room playing different music. It's not as crowded. We walk around the dance floor and down a hallway. I'm looking everywhere, confused. I remember the restrooms are the only things down this hall. He pushes the ladies' door open with determination, pulling me in with him. There are a few women in here, but it's nowhere near as crowded as the bathroom downstairs. I'll have to remember to come up here when I need to go.

Caine pulls me down the narrow aisle of stalls, stopping at the last one. It's vacant. Once inside, he pushes me up against the wall and begins to devour me, only stopping for a moment to close the door and lock it. Taking my face in his hands, he says, "I love you, Lacey. I have to have you, right fucking now." Um... okay. His hand runs up my thigh, hiking my skirt up, and he pushes his excitement into me. I'm glad I wore a G-string tonight. It shouldn't be hard for him to... Dammit!

"Why'd you rip them?" I asked.

"They were in my way," he explains between kisses. I've never worn a skirt without panties. This is going to feel weird later.

Caine begins to deepen our kisses as if he cannot get enough. "Lacey, oh my God. I have to have you. I was going fucking crazy on the dance floor. I thought I might explode," he confesses. I begin to make work of his belt and the buttons on his jeans. "Push them down baby," he instructs; and I do as he tells me. He picks me up. "Wrap your legs around me. Hurry! I've got to fucking get inside you," he pleads. I wrap my legs around him and he directs his cock into my core. I gasp in ecstasy. I don't know what it is, but this feels different. I feel as though I might lose it again. Caine slides in and out, and each time I find myself wanting more. Our breaths come quicker and louder. I forget where we are, and that there are possible witnesses on the other side of the stall door. Caine begins to move faster. I feel it. "Oh my God. Caine!" I gasp as warmth settles in my core, making me tighten my legs around him. He continues moving, but with greater force. He's close. As I begin the downward spiral from my orgasm, he slows, filling me to the brim. OH. MY. GOD! That was fucking intense.

He lays his head in the crook of my neck steadying his breath, my arms still tightly woven around him. Someone closing the stall door next to us brings us back to reality. He pulls back to look at me and smiles. "I love you," he says.

"You too. Now get me down. We need to get out of here before someone reports us," I tell him. He fixes his jeans and turns to open the door. "Wait!" I yell at him. He looks up at me confused. "I have to pee," I say.

"Okay. Hurry up," he replies.

"No, you have to turn around. I can't pee in front of you. That's gross!" I say exhausted.

"What do you mean that's gross? Look what we just did. Peeing is nothing compared to...," I hold my hand up to stop him. He rolls his eyes but does as I ask. I need to seriously clean myself up here without Caine examining me. And fuck me... no panties!

Before we exit the stall, Caine pulls me in for another kiss. This one is gentle. He smiles as he opens the door and sure enough, there are ladies giggling as we walk by. I walk out with my head down and hidden in Caine's arm. Caine is walking proudly, as if he just climbed Mount Everest or beat a world record. He leads me downstairs to join Becca and Lucas. We find them still on the dance floor and move towards them. Becca looks up, noticing we are back and scrunches her forehead. I smile and dismiss her inquisitions. I'm sure she will cross-examine me later. Caine has his hands on my hips pulling me back into the grind of the music.

We dance through a couple more songs when Ini Kamoze's, 'Hotstepper' starts playing. I squeal at Becca. Both of us love this song. I begin making my way over to dance with her, abandoning Caine. He and Lucas go to the bar to order beers and watch us from the sidelines. Becca and I are facing each other seductively, sweeping our hips close. The beat changes and our moves now include our shoulders. We have our heads down, our arms are swaying, and our mouths are singing out the words of the song. We are oblivious to the swarm of bodies around us. I look up to find Caine, only I can't. A circle of bodies completely encases us. The boys around us are drooling. We're apparently putting on a show. As innocent as we are, it's hard to believe that this kind of behavior actually draws guys in. Becca and I are only playing around. I catch sight of Caine, and he is clearly not happy with the attention we are receiving. Lucas is behind him and he quickly moves to sandwich us in, taking possession of 'their territory' once again.

One of the guys watching from the sidelines tries to reach for me. He looks pissed at Caine and Lucas for interrupting his show. Caine pushes him back, knocking the guy off his feet. The circle grows wider around us as if we were in a boxing ring. Caine acts as if he's going after him again. I move forward in an attempt to grab Caine's hand to stop it from escalating but Lucas stops me. I'm scared and the look on Caine's face is murderous; I've never seen it before. Lucas gets a hold of Caine before he pounds the interrupted interloper. I look at Becca and roll my eyes from the awkwardness. She starts laughing. I want to tell her how frustrating Caine's possessiveness is, but we can't talk over the loud music, and the light show isn't giving us the chance to communicate with eye contact. I shrug it off and join Becca in ignoring our boy's egos.

A few hours later, we make our way to the exit, exhausted from dancing. Tonight Becca and I hardly left the dance floor; well, I did that one time. I smile. "I think the DJ tonight was new because the tracks he was throwing out were awesome," I say to everyone. Caine pissed me off a few times, as he became more possessive of me on the dance floor, only leaving me to down a beer or two. Sometimes I like to dance without anyone touching me for goodness sakes. He gets jealous so easily. I don't know why and it's frustrating. I've never had a wandering eye. I've never caused him to think I was interested in anyone but him. Lately, his domineering attitude has gotten almost unbearable. It's like I can't breathe. He always needs to know where I am, what I'm doing, and whom I'm with. I'm becoming annoyed. To calm my nerves, I start singing 'Hotstepper' again.

"Hey Lacey, thanks for the ear worm. I'm never going to get that song out of my head." Becca says, fanning herself from the heat of the club. She begins to sing the lyrics to 'Hotstepper'. After a few lines, I cut in. Becca takes over after another number of other lines and then we sing together. Turning our fists into makeshift microphones, we continue singing to each other in unison.

We turn, singing to everyone walking by since the guys appear to be embarrassed by our vocal stylings. It throws us into a fit of laughter. Their embarrassment only encourages us to finish the song. Proud of ourselves, we continue alternating lines, ending the performance by giving each other a high five.

"Ugh, I can't wait to get home and shower," I say as we walk to the car. Caine walks faster to catch up with me, grabs my hand, and laces our fingers together.

"Are you sweaty baby? You know we could get you a little messier before your shower," Caine says, low enough just for me to hear, and wearing a smirk on his face.

I turn my head to face him, "No, Caine. You've already marked your territory, thank you, and ruined a good pair of panties. I'm beginning to think I need to wash the pee off my leg," I say louder.

"What?" he asks, completely shocked by my statement.

"Caine, you practically pissed on my leg in there on the dance floor! I know the flock of buzzards lurking around me is overwhelming for you, but I am more than capable of keeping the guys at bay. I only have fucking eyes for you. When are you going to realize that?" I ask, shattered from his mistrust.

"Baby, you know I was simply making sure everyone in there knew you were with me. They don't need to drool all over my girl," he says innocently.

"Caine, you know I wouldn't have encouraged anyone else putting their hands on me. I was with Becca and we were totally in control of our area. You need to stop freaking out whenever you see someone look at me or God forbid, stand closer than twenty feet from me," I huff, throwing my arms into the air in frustration.

"Lacey, baby, I'm sorry. I'll try not to do that again. I'm sorry I get a little jealous. You are so beautiful, and the thought of anyone else touching you makes me see red," he tries to explain while combing his fingers through my hair, pulling me in for a gentle kiss.

"Caine, I understand. Trust me! You are a devilish package yourself, but you don't see me freaking out whenever girls stare at you, or worse try to pick you up. I trust you," I snap, begging for his understanding. "Okay babe." He tries to move past this moment. "Let's get you girls home."

All of the lights are off in the house when we arrive about fifteen minutes later. Caine gets out, opens my door, and offers me his hand. I take it. "Baby, I'm sorry for earlier. I hope you can forgive me," he says sadly.

"Caine, I don't need you to babysit me. I'm very capable of taking care of myself. When you act like an over possessive ass, it pisses me off. I'm tired of your apologizing. Just stop, please."

He clutches my elbow, bringing me into his arms for a tight hug. "Okay, Lacey. I'll stop. I don't want to make you mad. I'm sorry. I'm going to walk you to your door." He laces our fingers together while we walk the short distance. Pulling me in for another hug at the door, he whispers, "I love you."

"I love you too, Caine," I manage before he covers my lips with his. I reach around his neck to deepen the kiss. Our tongues are needy. I love how he kisses. He places a hand on my cheek to tilt my head and somehow takes more of my mouth. Oh my! I am melting into a puddle. I hope my mom isn't watching. She likes Caine, but I wouldn't feel comfortable with her seeing him devour her daughter.

"I wish you would reconsider and stay with me tonight," he says breathlessly.

"Mmm, didn't you already do that?" I ask.

"No Lacey, that was a fuck. I want to love each individual part of your body." I feel my figure start to weaken.

"Well, we can arrange for you to do that another night." I pause to catch my breath seeing his disappointment. "I'm sorry Caine, but I promised Becca we would have a girl's slumber party. I don't want to leave you either, but I need to be a good friend to her."

Groaning in my ear, "You're killing me Lacey. I want to take you again. How about right here?" He winks. "You know I could haul you off to the backyard and have my way with you."

"Caine!" I shout. "You will do no such thing. You got a little more than expected from me tonight, mister. I'm going inside. You and Lucas are going back to the barracks. I love you and I'll talk to you tomorrow." I give him a quick kiss turning to unlock the front door. "Becca, you ready?" I ask, noticing she and Lucas are in a deep conversation. I wonder if everything is okay.

"Yeah," Becca says over her shoulder. I watch Caine get back in his car while Becca is saying her goodbyes to Lucas. "It's been real," she says, walking away from the car.

"Alright love, did you have fun tonight?" I ask her as we head to my room.

"Yeah, um... Lacey we need to talk," she says apologetically marching ahead.

"Okay. Are you okay? I saw you in a deep conversation with Lucas just now. Did Lucas do or say something to upset you? Because if he did, I swear...," She cuts me off.

"No Lacey. It's nothing about Lucas."

I sit on my bed to remove my shoes waiting to see if she will elaborate. Impatient, I continue, "Then, spill it. Whatever it is appears to be upsetting you," I say defensively, "Did I say something to hurt your feelings?" I ask.

"No, Lacey Ann Nicole Edwards! It's about Caine," she states firmly. Oh dear. She used my full name. She's mad. Wait... did she say...

"What do you mean something about Caine? I was with you all night. What did he do to you?" I ask irritated.

"Lucas just said some crazy shit. And where the hell did the two of you disappear to earlier at the club?" She raises her eyebrows at me. "Fine, we'll get back to that. Lucas told me something bothersome about Caine. I kind of wish he didn't tell me because I hate to be the bearer of bad news. But if it was my boyfriend, I would want to know," she says regretfully.

"Becca, what the fuck are you talking about? You're scaring the shit out of me."

"Lucas said he thinks Caine is betraying you. He is really bothered by it because Caine's his best friend. But, Lucas feels terrible for you not knowing of his infidelity." I cannot look at her. I'm wringing my hands together unable to break my gaze. I don't understand. "Say something Lacey, love."

"What do you mean betraying me?" I ask, because that is what she is expecting. I don't know if I want to know anymore.

"You know like an asshole, son of a bitch, jackass, liar, man-whore, douche bag, playa. Do I need to go on?" she asks, puzzled that I'm not following. "Lacey, he is fucking cheating on you."

I look up at her with glassy eyes. "That's impossible. He was just kissing and hugging me, acting all cave man on the dance floor. He just told me he loved me. Why would he be cheating? It's not like we don't have an active sex life. He just fucked me in the ladies' room at the club for goodness sakes. What proof does Lucas have? Has he seen Caine with another girl? Is this some sick joke?"

"I don't know the answer. Wait, he and you did WHAT?" I give her a pointed look so that she will stop asking about it. "So that is where you two disappeared to. Holy shit girl!" She shakes her head. "Lacey, I don't know why he would cheat on you. Lucas didn't say how he knows. Besides, Caine interrupted the conversation when he came back to the car. I couldn't find out more. Maybe he goes all Fred Flintstone on you because he's afraid you might run into one of his floozies." She shrugs as if defeated. I think back to tonight where he gave me very little breathing space. I don't know why he would be such an idiot. We've professed our love to one another. Why jeopardize what we have unless Becca's right and he is a player?

"I can't think right now. I'm going to get ready for bed," I tell her as I walk to the bathroom. I close the door and lean against the back of it, taking deep breaths. How stupid could I be? Could he be making a fool out of me? There is no way. I would know if he was cheating. He would be withdrawn, acting differently; our sex life wouldn't be so active. He doesn't show any of the warning signs, no red flags. Lucas must have heard wrong. It must be some nasty rumor going around without any veracity. There is no way Caine would do that to me. Thank goodness, because I am so in love with him.

Returning to my room after a quick shower, I sit on the bed quietly for a moment. Becca remains silent, knowing I'm working things out in my head. She has finished getting ready for bed when I say, "I think it's a misunderstanding."

She looks at me sadly, "Just be careful, please, love. I would hate to find out he is a man-whore."

# CHAPTER SIX

Deception

It's been six days since Becca and I talked about Lucas revealing Caine's extra-curricular activities. I have refused to talk about it anymore with her because there isn't any proof, and in my heart, I cannot see him being unfaithful. We are in love. Becca tried to bring it up a few times, only for me to protest and change the subject. I haven't said anything to Caine yet because our work schedules are so different that we have very little time to talk. This isn't something I want to discuss over the phone and I also don't want to cause a rift in Caine and Lucas' friendship. I'm sure it's a simple misunderstanding. Maybe later tonight I will talk to him about it.

Caine is on his way to pick me up. I'm in my room looking myself over in the mirror as a bad feeling overcomes me. I don't know where it came from. We are attending a Gala. The dress code is formal and I love the gown I found. It's black, one of my favorite colors. Fitted at the top, the dress begins to slightly flare wider with sheer fabric from the waist down. The lady at the store described it as a princess A-line with organza ruffles (whatever they are). It's lovely and hugs my body in all the right places. I'm able to show a little cleavage; yet it's still modest enough to be appropriate for this type of occasion. The dress is strapless with a sweetheart neckline. It trails to the floor with multiple layers of ruffles and I've paired it with black satin strappy heels. Being the very clumsy person that I am, I chose to go with a strap around the ankle, a must for dancing. I don't want to embarrass Caine in front of his colleagues. He's already mentioned several times this week the importance of making a good impression with his superiors this evening. I go with the philosophy 'less is more' and only accessorize with a pair of diamond earrings my mom is letting me borrow. I am almost finished putting on my makeup when the doorbell rings.

I make my way down the hall and open the door to find Caine standing there in all his glory. He looks magnificently handsome, as always, in his Dress Blues. "Hi," I sing, tilting my head innocently. He takes a couple steps inside towards me.

"You, my dear, are breathtakingly beautiful." He smiles, leaning into me after closing the front door. "I'm going to have a hard time keeping my hands to myself this evening in front of my Commanding Officer," he says, wrapping his arms around me. His hot breath sends shivers down my spine. He places a kiss on my cheek and I swat him away.

"I'm sure you'll get through just fine knowing what we are going to do once we get back to the barracks tonight," I assure him with a smile. He gently kisses me.

A moment later, he pulls away from our kiss. "You are killing me woman, but I'll take it because I get you later." He brings his lips to the sweet spot just behind my ear that leaves me intoxicated. "I'm going to be fantasizing about what I'm going to do to you all night."

I throw my head back and laugh, "You better watch it mister or you're going to have trouble keeping up with me on the dance floor."

He groans. "Are you almost ready?" he asks, peppering kisses along my jaw.

I reluctantly pull away, "Almost. Go on and have a seat. I'll be out in a few minutes."

Caine walks away, heading straight for the family room. "Where's your mom?" he asks, moving his head around in search of her.

"She's closing the store tonight."

"Oh, really?" He smiles a devilish grin turning back to me. "In that case." He moves closer, grabbing my hips. "How about we have a preview of what we are going to do when we get back to my room tonig–" I cut him off.

"Oh no, you don't. Don't you dare mess with me! My hair is done and my makeup is almost complete. If you mess it up, I'm liable to make us extremely late. How would your superiors feel then?" I ask with a raised eyebrow.

"Fine! You win. Hurry up. The sooner we get there, the earlier we can leave and have our own party." He swats my rear end as I walk away.

I roll my eyes and saunter back to my room to finish getting ready. After reapplying my lip-gloss, I strap on my heels, happy with my added height. I'm not too terribly short at five-foot-three-inches, but every inch helps. I look myself over one last time, grab my phone and purse, and then meet him in the family room. I find Caine looking over family pictures on the bookshelves. I wonder what has him so intrigued. "Find something you like?" I ask posing seductively.

He turns his head painstakingly slow to meet my stare, "Oh yes and I'm looking at it right now," he drawls, in that sexy voice of his. He drapes my matching black shawl around my arms. It's not cold outside. It's just a couple of days into June and surprisingly, it's been a warmer than usual spring. I think we went from winter straight ahead into summer. The nights still tend to get a little chilly, so I'm taking the shawl as insurance more than anything else. Caine grabs my overnight bag by the door and we walk out to his car.

The gala is at Turf Valley, and the drive to the beautiful golf resort only takes about twenty minutes. Caine follows the long driveway framed in mature trees and it's an absolutely picturesque sight. The impeccably manicured lawns and vast array of gardens make me want to skip the gala and walk the grounds instead. It's so perfect. I could spend hours relishing in its beauty and I haven't even seen the golf course. I'm sure the greens are just as breathtaking. We pull up to the line of cars and watch the eager attendants work hard to move the cars ahead. When it's our turn, Mr. Valet opens my door and holds his hand out to me. "Thank you Richard." Thank God for nametags.

Mr. Valet smiles as I accept his hand. "Good evening ma'am." I am careful not to snag my dress as I try, ever so elegantly, to roll out of the car.

Caine meets me on the passenger side of the vehicle, offering his arm to me. I place my hand in his bent elbow. "You ready Lacey?" he asks and I nod. We walk up the stairs to the entrance and I take notice of the nice eye candy on display. Good heavens. Does the military have a policy for guys? 'We want you! But, we only accept drool worthy candidates'.

"Good evening," the gentleman to my right says.

"Good evening," I nod, careful not to muss my hair. I am on high alert to not trip or mess up my ensemble in any way.

We walk down a long hallway to the ballroom. The ambiance steals my breath. With floor to ceiling windows framed in rich textured draperies, the room is sparkling with light of seemingly endless crystal chandeliers. Strategically placed throughout the room are tables that surround an open dance floor. The warm, deep hues of the carpet and linens make me feel like I'm stepping into a magical fairytale. I turn to Caine, who is watching my reaction. I must have a look on my face as though I'm a kid in the candy shop. He is smiling a goofy grin. This place is unbelievable and renders me speechless.

We've found our assigned seats and begin making introductions with the guests we are joining. We sit at a round table for eight covered in embossed gold linen. The covered chairs match the gold fabric and have a deep red sash wrapped around the back in an elegant knot, leaving the extra material trailing to the floor. Each table has an exceedingly tall white vase as its centerpiece with sprays of long berry branches and twigs exploding from the center. Candles glisten around the base of the vase and red berries fill the bottom of glass votives. Each place setting has a number of forks and spoons and I am kicking myself right now for not paying attention to mom when she tried to educate me on utensil etiquette. I'll have to watch which fork and spoon people use with each entree so I don't make a fool of myself.

Our table is all couples. Caine is sitting to my left. He pulled out his charm tonight, holding out my seat for me, attending to my drinks, and making sure I was comfortable in the company of others at the table. Our table companions are his coworkers, two guys and a girl. One of the guys and the girl are married joined by their spouses and another introduced the girl hanging on his arm as a friend. I wonder just how close these two friends are, though I probably should mind my own business. Caine introduced me as his girlfriend and I thought that was pretty awesome. There is tasteful music streaming from the DJ booth. I sit quietly during our meal, as everyone seems to be making conversation; I try to listen, nod, and answer when appropriate, though I feel so out of my element here. I've enjoyed getting dressed up and feeling like a princess. It's just hard for a klutz, such as me, to enjoy myself all the while worrying not to trip, spill something, or put my foot in my mouth. As soon as we finish eating our dessert, Caine excuses us and tells me there are some people he'd like to introduce me to.

A couple of his friends have stopped us, and he introduces me and takes some time to catch up with them. I did what he expected of me. I oohed and ahhed over their dates' dresses, asked polite questions (as if I really cared), and responded to their inquiries. I stayed on his arm, as he asked, while mingling. What the hell am I, an ornament? Caine continues moving in the direction we originally headed, stopping in front of a strappingly handsome older man. He has so many medals and other items decorating his uniform, I bet they add at least ten pounds. He introduces him to me as his Commanding Officer, who happens to be speaking with his Captain. We exchange pleasantries and once again, Caine addresses me as his girlfriend. I don't know why I'm so surprised. Maybe my insecurities are getting the better of me. I worry about the news Becca tried to tell me. I shouldn't even consider the possibility. He hasn't shown any hint of unfaithfulness. I need to stop worrying and enjoy myself tonight.

Caine pulls me towards another group and makes the introductions. After a couple of minutes, I pull on Caine's arm. "Pardon me; I'm going to use the ladies' room for a moment." I excuse myself from the group of brown nosers. It is stuffy in here and I cannot stand all the phony people. I have no interest in pretending to be someone's BFF. I will put up this facade for Caine on this occasion, but it doesn't mean I have to like it.

Walking out of the restroom, I find Caine leaning against the wall, looking fine. "Hi," I say.

"Hi yourself," he says planting a kiss on my cheek. "I was wondering if I could have this dance," he asks, bowing at the hip, which causes me to giggle.

"Why of course fine Sir." I do my best southern belle imitation with a curtsy. I might even go as far as to say I feel like Cinderella.

He leads me towards the dance floor. I notice he nods to a few of his buddies along the way. We continue to the group of moving bodies on the platform. Out of nowhere, a lady dressed in a very provocative outfit flies across the room and presses herself up against Caine, giving him a hard kiss. "What the fuck?" I state matter-of-factly. She has her fucking lips on Caine's. Caine pushes her off with a look of horror. The floozy looks irritated by his rejection. Her eyes trail to where my arm is resting in the crook of Caine's elbow. Her gaze moves up to my face, and she gives me a devious smile after sizing me up. She turns and walks away, giving Caine a wink over her shoulder. Oh yeah, I didn't miss that. I turn to Caine who looks like a deer caught in headlights.

"Caine, what the hell was that slut doing placing her lips on my boyfriend?" I'm freaking confused. I don't know what the hell that was about. Oh my God, is this the girl Lucas thinks he's cheating on me with?

"Lacey, don't make a scene in front of my superiors, please. I have no idea who that girl is. I've never seen her before. Maybe she confused me with someone else. Let's go have that dance I promised you," he says, as if nothing had just happened.

"Don't make a scene? Sure, I guess you would think of yourself, and how it would appear for you if I caused such a scene. How the hell do you think you would react if a guy came up and did the same thing to me? I'm beginning to think you care about no one but yourself. I tried to deny the hints from Becca and Lucas. I didn't want to see it." I shake my head in disbelief. He pulls me closer to the dance floor. I'm so fucking pissed right now I could punch that stupid bitch. What the fuck did she think she was doing? I was on his arm. Fuck! I can feel myself begin to shake with anger as I remember the bad feeling I had earlier. Dammit!

"Lacey, I swear. I don't know that girl. I promise I'm not doing anything with anyone but you. You are the one and only woman for me." He pulls back to capture both cheeks in his hands to look me straight in the eye. "I see only you." He takes my hands and twirls me around. I'm sick at my revelation that Lucas was right. Caine is cheating. Lucas had no motivation to lie. Why didn't I listen? I'm dating a man-whore.

"Don't make empty promises Caine," I say as calmly as I can. My blood pressure is probably through the roof. I know my face is flushed. I am heartbroken. I want to go home, curl up in a ball, and cry myself to sleep. As if sensing my distress, Caine stops dancing, pulling back slightly to look me in the eye. "I would like to go home," I whimper.

"Lacey, please don't do this. Trust me. I wouldn't betray you," he pleads.

"Okay. I'd like to use the restroom and get myself together." I take a deep breath.

"Lacey, stop being paranoid; you shouldn't need a moment away from me to freshen up. That would mean you don't trust what I'm saying to you. I cannot believe you are making assumptions based on some hussy that confused me for someone else. You tell me all the time to trust you, but you don't trust me?" Oh. My. God... He did not just throw that in my face. I think I'm going to be sick!

I gather my composure. "I'm sorry." I lie. "I shouldn't have jumped to conclusions. Let me freshen up, and I promise I won't get upset anymore." I lie again.

"That sounds good. I love you," he says, loosening his grip on me.

"You too." I walk to the ladies room. I feel tears threatening to spill. I cannot get myself behind a stall door quick enough. I pray I'll make it before I break down. Opening the ladies room door, I come face to face with the bitch. Fuck! A mischievous smile is on her face. "Why, hello there," she says happily.

I somehow muster the confidence to stand up for myself. "I don't know what the hell you think you were doing out there, but keep your fucking mouth off my boyfriend. You really embarrassed yourself," I quip.

She moves calmly to lean against the wall, shifting her weight onto one leg. "Are you sure, I embarrassed myself?" she says, tilting her head in confusion with a hint of a smile. "I don't think I'm the one with her head in the sand," she retorts, trying to get a rise out of me. She won, and oh boy, am I pissed now.

"I think it is in your best interest to leave the fucking building. You can play your sneaky, tramp-ass games with someone else." My voice is starting to get louder.

"Sure thing sweetie, I'll leave." She smiles. "But when Caine doesn't come home until late at night, just remember, he's moonlighting with me," she tosses her head back and walks out the door.

I stand, paralyzed by her words. She knows his name. Caine just told me, to my face, that he's never seen her before. What the fuck? That two-timing ass-wipe! I need to get out of here. I pull my phone out of my purse and dial a cab to drive me home, because I don't need this bullshit. I deserve better than that charming but dishonest motherfucker. I look at myself in the mirror and say, 'Lacey get yourself together. You have five minutes until you'll be swept away from this horror scene.' I wet a paper towel and dab my cheeks to get the flush under control. My makeup is surprisingly untouched. I'm too pissed off to cry now.

Taking a deep breath, I open the door, praying Caine isn't waiting for me. For once, he's not. I walk into the ballroom to retrieve my shawl. Damn it, who fucking cares about a shawl when your relationship is falling apart? I should just get the hell out of here. From across the room, I can make out the back of Caine's head. He is talking with some of his friends and they don't notice me. Thank God. I grab my shawl. "Lacey, where are you going?" Shit! It's one of the spouses. What the hell was her name? Ugh, who cares!? "I'm just going to step out and get some fresh air. I'll be right back," I say as convincingly as I can. "Would you like some company?" she asks. Hell NO! "Oh no, that's okay." I slap on my fake smile and it matches my fake relationship. "Okay. If Caine asks, I'll tell him you'll be right back," she says. "Thank you. I won't be long," I say, unable to look her in the eye for fear she'll be able to read my mind. I smile, turn towards the door and walk to where my carriage will take me away from this foul place.

Not even one minute after walking outside, my cab shows up. I settle into the taxi and as he pulls away; I watch the beautiful trees, the magnificent lawns, and the flowers pass by. Earlier, I thought I would have remembered them with fond memories and a strong heart. Now, they will remind me of what once was, and of tremendous heartache. With each tree, I am further and further away from that bastard. I cannot believe he has done this. I will never be able to move past the deceit. We are over. Here I am leaving him without his knowledge once again. It's what I do. I run.

# CHAPTER SEVEN

Pieces

I walk into the house and rush to my room, falling against the door and allowing the tears to finally spill. I cry. I cry so hard I'm sure I would have made an ogre look good. I ugly cry. There is a soft knock on my door. "Lacey, are you okay sweetie?" Did she just say sweetie? Fucking great. Now when mom calls me sweetie, I'm going to remember that ugly tart.

I may as well get this over with. I open my door. Mom gasps, causing me to worry that I might have turned into an ogre after all, though it's probably from my raccoon eyes. "Lacey what happened?" she asks, pulling me in for a hug. I can't stop the waterworks now. The comfort of my mom's embrace allows me the security to pour my heart out. She moves me to my bed. "Mom," I pause, "he's ah ah, he's been ah cheating." I start sobbing hysterically.

Mom waits a few minutes until I calm down a little before she asks, "How about I go make us some tea and we can talk?" Mom's cure for everything is Celestial Seasonings Sleepy Time tea. I nod, unable to speak without losing my composure. She leaves, pulling my door closed. I sit on the edge of my bed, still in a state of shock though I don't know why because Becca tried to warn me. I just couldn't believe her. Ugh, I can only imagine what she is going to say. I pull my heels off, hurling them into my closet, as if my shoes are a part of the hurt that I can't escape. I stand and begin to quickly change, ridding my body of anything that touched Caine. I don't want to see anything that reminds me of being at that place. I dress in my pajamas and look over at the gown I was so fond of; now lying in a pile on the floor.

I walk into the bathroom to clean my face. The doorbell rings and I freeze. I can hear my mom arguing with whoever is at the door. Oh my God, that voice. It's Caine! Please mom, please send him away. "She's here." Pause. "I think you need to give her space. I'll tell her you came by." There is some mumbling and then I hear my mom say, "I'll tell her you want her to call you tomorrow, but I can't promise anything." I hear some more mumbling. I can't take this anymore. I storm out of the bathroom to meet this womanizing man face to face.

"No mom, I will not be calling him tomorrow, or the next day, or the day after that. Caine, we are done. You charmed me into thinking you loved me. Someone who's in love doesn't have a fling on the side. I know for a fact that you did know the girl that slapped her lips on you. She told me everything. She told me about the late nights when you say you're working. She told me what you're really doing. You're such a sadistic man. Was it fun? Was it fun breaking my heart? I loved you. I am an idiot to believe your lies. I am a fool for not trusting my best friend and what other people were telling me. I was the stupid fool. We are done. Don't call me. Don't come by. I never want to see your face again." I take a step back to close the door.

Caine's voice stops me. "Please Lacey. I'm so sorry. I never meant to hur..."

I cut him off. "Save it Caine. You made your bed, now you must lie in it. I don't care anymore. We are through. Leave now!" I begin to shut the door in his face. He throws his foot against the doorjamb. "Seriously Caine, is there anything else to say?" I ask, exhausted.

"Oh hell yes there is a lot more to say. I love you. I never wanted you to find out like this. You need to know I haven't cheated on you the whole time we've been together. It only happened a few times. I was weak baby. I don't know how else to explain it. I am so sorry, Lacey. Please forgive me. Please don't do this. I love you so much." His words soothe my heartache and I want to believe him. Wait? Did he just admit to cheating on me?

"You bastard!" I slap both hands on his chest, pushing him out. "I cannot talk to you anymore," I yell, tears racing down my cheeks.

I hope my neighbor isn't looking out her window now because of all the commotion. She is way too nosy for her own good and revels in drama. She is not the nicest person. My nickname for her is 'EML' short for Evil Mail Lady. I swear she stands by her window waiting for her mail every day except Sundays. If you park anywhere near her mailbox, she raises a stink. This is just one of her crazy issues. She never waves or responds when anyone greets her. My sister calls her 'The Recluse'. And there it is; she has turned her porch light on. The entire neighborhood will know about Caine and me before I even open my eyes tomorrow, thanks to EML. Nosy bitch.

"Please Lacey. Please don't make me walk away. Please get some sleep and call me tomorrow. Here's your bag." He leans in the doorway, placing the bag on the floor just inside the door. "I'll pick you up and we can go to the park and talk. Just please don't shut me out," he begs me.

"I'll think about it Caine. Goodnight." I will say anything at this moment to get him to leave. I cannot stand to look at him right now. I gave him my heart and he walked all over it. I shut the door and my emotions get the better of me.

"Oh honey, come here." Mom pulls me in, trying to take the pain away. "I loved him mom," I sob. "I know sweetie." Mom rubs my back trying to soothe me like she used to do when I would wake up from a nightmare as a little girl.

"Mom, can you please not call me sweetie anymore?" She looks at me shocked, her jaw hanging. "Mom that bitch... sorry! That floozy who told me everything about Caine called me sweetie and I can't stand hearing it anymore. She ruined my love for the word." I sob more. "That girl stole so much from me, Mom. I'm sorry," I tell her as she leads me into the kitchen.

"Lacey, you don't have anything to be sorry about." She hands me my cup of tea in my signature mug, covered with images of different breeds of dogs. "Have a seat." She is hoping this will cure my heartbreak. The front door opens and my breath catches in my throat in a painful throb. Did I not lock the door? Surely he isn't dumb enough to walk in after everything I said to him. Lane walks around the corner. Relief washes over me and I try to tell my heart to slow down.

Lane immediately drops her bag and rushes over to me, "Oh my God, Lacey. What's wrong?" she asks desperately.

"Oh not much, other than having the privilege of meeting the bitch. Sorry mom! The slut who Caine has been screwing behind my back for God knows how long," I tell her in disbelief.

"What?" she asks shocked. "How did you find out?" I give her a look sure to make her rethink that statement. "Did this happen at the gala?"

"Um yes. You should have seen it, Lane. The slut came right up to Caine while I was on his arm and planted her whore lips on him in front of everyone. She didn't have a problem with anyone witnessing it. I don't know who she is. I know she's not in the military because she was dressed in civilian clothes." I take a moment to gather my thoughts. "Oh my God Lane, you should have seen her hideous dress. I bet she's unhappily married and spreading her legs to whoever will pay her any attention," I finish.

"What a man-whore. Oh, sorry mom!" Lane shakes her head. "You know, last week when I was over at her house, Becca came to me and told me about what Lucas had told her." I nod in understanding. Lane continues, "I really didn't want to believe it. I've been waiting for the chance to watch how he acts around you, thinking I would be able to pick up on something, but he hasn't been around this week. Looking back, I can't see a period of time where he acted different from any other. Do you think this girl is the only one?"

I hadn't thought about the possibility of him cheating on me with more than one girl. I stare at her with incredulity. "I can't think about that right now, Lane. You know what I don't understand? She wasn't that pretty. She was a puzzle butt, but not good looking. What the hell?"

"Lacey, I hate to ask this, and mom, please correct me if I'm wrong, but do you think you need to get tested to make sure he hasn't spread anything?" I believe all of the color in my face has now drained. I feel weaker than before.

"That asshole better not have given me any disease or I'm taking his balls. You know what he had the audacity to say to me after the bitch... oh God, I'm sorry mom!" I say, closing my eyes placing my hand over my mouth. "After the slut kissed him, you know what he said? He told me not to make a scene in front of his commanding officers. What a freaking dick wad... ugh. Sorry mom! He created this shituation. Sorry mom!" Becca would be so proud of me for using one of her words. "I cannot believe he thought he could just show up and talk his way out of this. Bullshit! Sorry mom! I'm done, I promise." Mom looks at me with a raised eyebrow. "It's just so messed up."

Mom takes a deep breath. "I'm going to pray the reasoning behind your potty mouth is the emotional turmoil Caine put you through this evening. I hope my Lacey will be back when she wakes up tomorrow morning," Mom says with a hint of reproach.

"Yes ma'am, I'm going to bed. Thanks for the tea mom. I don't know if it will be the cure, but thanks for trying. Good night," I say, giving my mom a hug. "Goodnight Lane." I squeeze her arm walking past her to my room. I pause just before I round the corner. "Lane, do you think I'm stupid for not listening to Becca? Do you know if Trish found out?"

"Seriously?" Lane asks. "Of course I don't think you're stupid for thinking the best of people. You always see the greatest in people. You're the one who will stop on the side of the road to help an abandoned or injured animal. You're the one who will go to McDonald's to feed the homeless guy on the side of the road when everyone else thinks he's scamming. You're the one who sees the kid being bullied by his peers and will try to put a smile on their face. Everybody falls in love with you because of your heart. You are selfless and far from stupid. It sucks that people take advantage of your kindness. It doesn't matter who knows. Caine is the one in the wrong - not you. Becca was worried she upset you by mentioning the whole thing Lucas told her. She wanted to make sure you weren't mad, that's the only reason she told me. Trish was in the room, but she doesn't think you're any more stupid than you were before Becca gave you the news." She smiles, waiting for me to catch on.

"Ha, ha. I'm serious! But I appreciate it and thank you for the reassurance. I love you." I give her a hug and walk to my room.

Once my head hits the pillow, my fit of tears comes back with a vengeance. I loved him so much. Damn I still do. How can he do this to me? How do I stop loving him? Bastard. My phone buzzes and out of habit, I grab it. It's from Caine.

Caine: Friday 11:24pm: Lacey, I am so sorry baby. Please don't leave me. I love you!

I want the darkness to swallow me. My phone buzzes again. Why the hell won't he just leave me alone? Hasn't he done enough?

Caine: Friday 11:25pm: Lacey, I feel like the worst person in the world. I'm so sorry and promise to never do it again. Please forgive me.

My eyes water more and I'm feeling so weak from the pain of losing him to that bitch. He's sorry?

Caine: Friday 11:26pm: I'm heartbroken without you. I don't know what to do other than apologize and tell you how much you mean to me. I love you, Lacey!

He did not just say the word 'love'. Ugh. I don't want to be reminded. Another freaking text?

Caine: Friday 11:27pm: I'll do whatever it takes to keep you in my arms. I feel horrible and I know you may never forgive me but please Lacey, I'm begging you to accept my apology. I love you so much!

If he loved me so much, why did he allow someone else to be in his arms? Was he thinking about me when he was with her? Fuck no, he didn't think of me at all! If he did, he wouldn't have been able to go through with it much less do it again and God knows how many more times and with whom else. I'm so mad that he threw us away. How could he? Asshole. OMG, another text?

Caine: Friday 11:28pm: I know I'm a jerk. I'm sorry. You are the girl of my DREAMS. I love you.

I barely caught his signature before I sat up and threw the phone against the wall. I cannot take any more of his lies! He's not going to change. A cheater will always be a cheater! At least I don't have to worry about him calling or texting anymore. By the looks of the million shiny plastic and metal pieces scattered on my floor, I think my phone is out of commission. Jumping out of bed, I start ripping up all the pictures of us that litter my room. I don't want any reminders of that asshat. He had me. He had his chance and he threw our relationship out the door. I cannot forgive him. After tearing apart my room in an attempt to get rid of any remaining evidence of our relationship, I fall on my bed like a sack of potatoes and begin crying again. I hate him!

I cry myself to sleep. I spend the next four days in bed, only leaving my sanctuary to go to the bathroom. Mom was concerned and even called Becca over to see if she could get me out of bed. I pretended to be asleep to escape her wrath. I don't want to hear 'I told you so', not that Becca would ever say that to me. I just can't chance the possibility because my heart hurts enough. I was such an idiot for not putting two and two together. I had to have it spelled out, and boy was it spelled out for me. In excruciatingly large letters.

I emerge from my room on Wednesday with the attitude 'what is done is done'. There is nothing I can do to change the past, but I can move forward and will hold my head high. I refuse to give Caine one more thought, and I've definitely shed enough tears for him. There is no going back and pretending it won't happen again, because I can't take the heartbreak anymore. I will not be one of those girlfriends who looks the other way. We will not have a happily ever after. Caine will have to accept that it's over; there is no going back. How would I ever be able to trust him again after this? Absolutely no fucking way. I refuse to be someone's doormat. I should have known better, men are animals, always thinking with their dicks. Why didn't I learn from my past experience that trusting him wasn't a good idea? Lord knows it's not the first time the male species has betrayed me. I should have kept a safe distance like I always have. Life was fine before Caine. I need to swear off guys because I don't need one to make myself happy. I was perfectly fine in my bubble, a bubble I placed myself in as a child. My bubble protected me and kept me out of harm's way. It kept me away from anyone causing me any more pain.

Figuring it's time to face Becca, I call her from the house phone. She picks up on the third ring. "What the fuck Lacey?" she asks immediately.

"Well hello to you too," I say, smiling at her forwardness.

"I was beginning to wonder if you were dead, you know, circling the drain over the douche bag."

"No, I just needed to get it out of my system. What are your plans today? I need to get a new phone," I tell her.

"What happened to your phone? I'm dying here. I've been waiting to hit you on the hip because it's been hard not texting you," she says and I can hear her teasing smirk on the other line.

"I kind of threw it across my room. Caine wouldn't stop texting," I explain.

"You know normal people would turn their fucking phone off, but I'm glad you put up an e-void. That guy has no business contacting you on your phone, by email or however else. You need a clean break from that bastard," she says sarcastically.

"Yeah, but watching it fall into a million pieces was invigorating," I say, picturing my heart as the phone shattered into a number of unrecognizable pieces. It would put the best puzzle genius into a fit of confusion trying to re-assemble it.

A couple hours later, I pick her up at her house. I take a deep breath, leaving the solace of my car to enter the whirlwind that is Becca Fox. Becca answers the door and pulls me into a hug, almost knocking us both over, "I'm so sorry love. He doesn't deserve you. You don't need Caine in your life, girl. You're a beautiful star in a galaxy full of better people than that asshole. I'm going to rip that fucker's balls off and feed them to him for dinner. Fucking dickulous!" She pulls away apologetically. "Hey, I'm going to stay over tonight. We've spent too many days apart. I am going through bestie withdrawal." She finally stops to take a breath.

"Thanks love. It's fine. I'm not going to look back. I appreciate the... ah... support. You know, life goes on. Let's get out of here. I have a new phone to pick out." I wink at her.

"Thank bejesus. I can't stand not being able to text you for God's sake. Have you picked one out yet?" I shake my head back and forth. "That's cool. We'll find you the most badass phone available and then we can stop for our favorite meal," she says grabbing her overnight bag.

I turn my head. "Really? You wanna go to Chevy's Fresh Mex?" I ask as she smiles at me.

"I'll take that as a yes. Yum, it's our super salad. Deligious!" Becca shouts.

After a long day of shopping for a new phone and gorging out on my favorite meal, I am ready for bed. I was just getting cozy when Becca sits up and says, "I have an idea!" scaring the shit out of me.

"Okay?" I say, more as a question because Becca frightens me when she gets ideas.

"Let's play a game. It's called Name the Douche bag," she tells me.

"What? I've never heard of that game," I say confused.

"Um, hello? That's because I just made it up. The rules are you have to come up with a name for your douche bag using every letter of the alphabet to describe said dickhead," she says matter-of-factly.

"Seriously Becca?" I ask her.

"Yes! It will be fun. Trust me you'll see," she says.

"Okay. Who goes first?"

"Oh love, you get to do the honors since it's your douche bag." She laughs.

"Alright. I start with the letter 'A'. Correct?" Becca nods her head in agreement. "Well that's easy. Asshole," I call out.

"Okay, my turn. Buffoon," she says.

"Buffoon?" I ask giggling. "Okay, clusterfuck," I say for my 'C' word.

"Oh my Lacey, that's a good one. There are so many I want to say that begin with the letter 'D', I can't stand it. I'll settle for two. Dick and ding-dong," she says excitedly.

"I think that goes against your rules. You are supposed to choose one word," I say.

"It's my game and my rules. I'm giving myself permission to use two words," Becca says setting me straight with a hint of laughter in her voice.

"Whatever. My 'E' word is Emu," I tell her.

"Emu? Isn't that an animal?" she asks confused.

"Yes, but it is also a jackass. An emu is a happy ass bird stalker and wannabe ostrich. Just like Caine is a wannabe monogamist," I say.

"I'll give you creativity on that one. My next one is fart," she says.

"Fart? How is Caine a fart?" I ask.

"That's easy. As the fart makes its way through your system, it can cause pain, and then you blast the ass trumpet, and when it blows out, you'll feel better." I hear her giggle.

"Oh my God that is vulgar!" I stifle my laugh. She's right on. "I don't know. 'G' is a hard one. How about goof?" I ask.

"Goof is too nice. What about gank?" she says irritated by my nice word.

"What the hell is gank?" I ask.

"It means to take something that does not belong to you. I think that's perfect for said goof," she informs me.

"So what now? You stole my 'G' word. Do I move to 'H' or do you get two turns?" I roll my eyes at the craziness of this game.

"He's your douche bag; you can go for it," she happily reminds me.

"Hotness hypnosis," I say.

"OH. MY. GOD! I am so proud of that word! You are so right, but it has to be hyphenated so that it doesn't break the 'one word rule'. He is so hot that you overlook the flaws in his character. I love it!" I laugh at her enthusiasm. "There is only one word to sum up the douche bag that begins with an 'I'... IDIOT!" she says a little too loudly.

"Shh, my mom's going to come in here and yell at us for not going to sleep. She has to get up early for work tomorrow," I tell her.

"Sorry," she whispers.

"Jackass," I say.

"Oh, come on we've already said that word a couple times already. How about you come up with a new word?" she declares, annoyed with me for using a common word.

"Fine. Let's see. Oh, how about the combination of jackass and doofus? He's a jackaremus!" I state proudly.

"It's perfect, my love. Krite is my 'K' word," she says.

"And a krite is what?" I ask.

"Oh, it means the same thing as piece of shit," she says.

"Wow. You are something else, love," I tell her.

And Becca proudly replies, "Of course."

"Loserhead," I say.

"Oh, yes, or what about ludder? It refers to someone also known as a skank." She quickly answers my unspoken question as to what a ludder means. "That would definitely be appropriate."

"I got it, moronasaurus," she says quickly.

"Wha-" I ask, but she cuts me off.

"It's someone who is so moronic that you cannot believe they can breathe air on our planet." I take a moment to think.

"Seriously, Becca? Do you speak English? How the hell do you get such good grades? You are full of useless information!" I tell her laughing.

"Um, excuse me. It's not useless. I'm using it right now. It just shows how smart I am," she says grinning.

"You're crazy," I tell her.

"Come on. Give me a word that begins with the letter 'N'."

"Nitwit?" I guess.

"Or, nittywaggom. The male version though. And before you ask, I'll tell you. It's a filthy lying bitch," she says.

"Wow. Good one. And don't say 'of course'," I tell her and move on to 'O'. "Hmm, obscenely over-rated outcast."

"I think if you hyphenate them, it can be one word," she says and we laugh. Becca really has her own language.

"A pig-prick. Hyphenated so that it's one word," I say.

"I like that. How about prickalia? It's another word for prick," she states.

"Um, isn't that what I just said?" I ask.

"No, you said he was a pig-prick. My word means he acts and treats people in a prickish way." She tries to educate me.

"It's the same thing! This game is starting to hurt my brain. I think we have plenty of ways to describe said douche bag from now on." I yawn.

"Okay, glad we are ending with 'P'. I didn't want to go into the 'Q's'. There are just too many choices. Let's get some sleep."

"Okay, thank you for cheering me up. Love you," I tell her.

"You too love."

A little while later, Becca speaks quietly, just in case I was asleep. "Hey Lacey. You still awake?"

"Yeah, what's up?"

"I've got a better 'P' word. Prickasuarus." I can hear the pride in her voice.

"And you're going to define it for me right?" I ask.

"Absofuckinglutely! It's a complete shit-headed bastard," she says.

"Okay, Becca. I like that one. Do you feel better?"

"Yes, now I can go to sleep. Love ya," she says yawning too.

"Love you," I muffle as sleep overtakes me.

# CHAPTER EIGHT

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I wake up with a pounding in my head and I look around and notice Becca isn't in the room. It has to be Thursday; there is no way I could have lost another day just sleeping. Too many days were already gone grieving over that jerk. Shoot, I need to get up, the bathroom is calling me, but my head feels like it's going to erupt like Mount St. Helens. I hold my head, cringing, as I stand and silently pray to the God above that I don't stub any of my toes between here and the porcelain throne. I cannot remember the last time my head hurt like this without drinking the night before. It must be from Becca's word game last night. My brain seriously hurt tying to think of names and then having to process the words coming out of her mouth. What the hell is a prickasuarus again? I'm still stunned on that. I swear that girl is more alien than human, but I love her.

Holding my head, I walk to the kitchen to see if I can find some Motrin or something. Oh shit, it's bright and people are talking. I should just say screw the drugs and go back to bed.

"Good morning sunshine!" Fuck, Becca is her usual chipper self. "You look like death love. What the hell is wrong? I've been up for at least an hour wondering when you were going to pull your ass out of bed. Sorry mom! I was beginning to wonder if you might come down with a bout of tooth sweater again."

Screw the drugs; I need caffeine to deal with her. I walk over to the coffee maker that holds the love of my life, Arabica Coffee. Just add some Splenda and soy milk and I have the most divine drink known to mankind. It's my crack, and I am relishing in feeling like an addict as I take my first sip. Magically my head feels better. My crack, my drug, my addiction, my coffee. Ahhhh, heaven! I smile at mom who apparently was keeping Becca company while I slept in a little.

"You know better than to talk to me before I've had at least one cup of coffee, girl. And, what the heck is a 'tooth sweater?'" I ask, giving little Cinnamon a good rub behind his ears.

"Girls, I will leave you to your morning chatter. I need to get over to the store. It was good to see you, Becca. I'll see you in a little while, Lacey," Mom says giving Becca a kiss on her head and turning to me for a hug and kiss.

"Bye mom, love you," I yell out to her as she walks out the front door. "You were saying?" I turn and ask Becca.

"Yeah, I remember you wake up with a bad case of coffee face each morning. And love, you should know what a tooth sweater is. You wore it for a while a few days ago, when you laid your sad ass in bed for days wallowing in pity; not getting up and taking care of yourself except to go to the bathroom. Yeah, your mom told me all about it." She looks at me pointedly. "If you don't brush your teeth for a day or two, you begin to build shit on your teeth and it feels like your teeth are wearing fuzzy little sweaters." She shakes her head. I know she is bothered because one, I let the asshole win and was holed up depressed in my room; and two, I didn't take care of my oral hygiene – a serious obsession with us. I was just too upset to care about anything, even my morning caffeine fix.

I look over at her, not bothering to answer. She is way too happy for me. I need the caffeine to be actively flowing through my veins before I can handle Becca and her snarky come- backs. As I sit quietly enjoying the love of my life, I can feel eyes on me. I look over at Becca. "What?"

"Oh nothing, really." She pauses. "Well actually, I was thinking we should throw a break up party and have a girl's night out this weekend. What do you say to that?"

"Becca, I don't want to go out just yet. I have no interest in dancing and having jerks putting their hands all over me. Besides, I have to work. The only thing I can think about is canceling the plane ticket I purchased to go home with Caine. Is there a cancellation deadline? Today is," I count my fingers, "Eight days before we're supposed to fly out.

"Bullshit, you don't work Friday and Saturday night. Did you forget how tight I am with your family? Nice try, bitch! I don't know about canceling your plane ticket, love. Call the airline and hopefully they will give you a full refund or at least give you the opportunity to use it at another time. I have to go get ready for work. I'll call you later about making plans for Saturday, okay love?"

Fuck! She does know pretty much everyone's schedule at the stores because she is around us so much. Maybe I need to separate myself a little so I can use work as an excuse, at least sometimes. She will not let me get away with not going out this weekend. I know her, and her persistence is going to grate on my nerves. And, with how my head feels like right now, I am in no mood to argue. "Fine, you win. I work tomorrow night and Saturday afternoon."

"Um hello, did you not realize I already knew that? Did you not see me sitting here with your mom? Wake up Lacey!" She smiles. Bitch!

"Fine, but I'm telling you now, I may not be the best company. And, you should really watch your mouth around Cinnamon." I giggle.

"Whatever! And, oh hell yes, you will be perfect company. There will be no more static added to the whole issue going on with you and the asshat! I've heard enough about him and we are done talking about the douche bag." She stands to put her mug in the sink. "I'm going girl, I'll catch you later. Love you." She kisses my cheek.

"Love you too and try to behave yourself!" She smirks at me and I roll my eyes. Ugh, I need to get ready for work too. I have no interest in going out Saturday night, but I know Becca is trying to help me get over Caine.

My head feels so much better after showering. It had to be from Becca's game, which was a brain killer! I'll be sure to never play it again. I need to get to the store to relieve mom, I don't want her overdoing it. She is having another surgery on her neck in a few months to hopefully reduce her pain. This time they are fusing all of her cervical vertebrae together. She told me her recovery period will be a lot longer than the previous six surgeries. I don't know how she gets up every day wearing that pretty smile because I know she is in terrible pain. Cinnamon walks with me out to the family room, waiting for me to leave so he can finally take his daily nap in peace. The life of a dog!

Great, where the hell did I put my keys? I thought I put them on the key rack, but no, they aren't there. I rummage through my purse. Dammit, I'm going to be late! After checking all of the rooms, they are nowhere to be found. I pull out my cell phone to call my mom to see if she has a clue, and fuck me two ways to China. There is a message from Caine. No, not one message; there are several. Why can't he leave me the hell alone? What he did hurts enough, I don't need the memory resurfacing when I see his name light up my phone. I need to take a moment to calm my nerves. I don't want to read it because I'm scared of how I'll feel once I do. I miss him and I love him too much for my own good. I thought we were stronger, but he did the unforgivable, and that's a deal-breaker for me. My eyes begin to water and now I'm fucking pissed. Not allowing the threat of crying to become a reality, I stash my phone in my purse and walk out to the car. Shit! My keys, where the hell are they? I check to see if I left my car door unlocked last night so I can throw my stuff in before I go turn the house upside down again. I cannot believe Caine's plethora of text messages; it's not fair. I throw open my car door and I cannot believe what I see. How on God's green earth did this happen? Have I lost my mind? If mom ever found out that I left my keys in the car, she will never let me live it down. Well at least I can leave now.

"Seriously! What the hell?" There is something stuck on my windshield wiper. OH. MY. GOD. It's a rose with a piece of paper underneath. Dammit! I swear it had better not be from Caine or I'm going to have a fucking freak-out moment and begin to think he is stalking me. Then again, who else would it be from? I get out and pull the rose and paper from under the wiper and plop myself behind the steering wheel. Bringing the red rose to my nose, I sniff the sweet smell and wonder if I should look at the letter now? I can't. I don't have time for his bullshit right now. I need to relieve mom. I lay the rose on my dash and tuck the letter in my purse, resolving to read it later. Maybe.

Work was a blur because the text messages and his letter were burning a hole in my purse. I did everything I could to stay busy and not think about him. I cringed each time I heard my phone vibrate in my purse. I finally decide to turn it off. After keeping myself busy all day, I was exhausted and fell on my bed as soon as I walked in my room. I lay in bed staring at my purse, contemplating whether to get up and read the letter. That's all I remember before falling asleep.

~*~*~

Caine has sent twenty-two text messages since my I activated my new phone on Wednesday evening. He is mighty persistent. I'm working a twelve-hour day for my parents today, and so far, it's been busy enough to keep me from texting Caine back. I feel if I reply once, I'll be opening Pandora's Box and he will stop at nothing. It's been seven days since I spoke to him last, and one would think he'd get the idea, but it seems like I'll have to reiterate that we are over. However, today he won't be getting that text. Fridays are always busy and I will scrub the boutique from top to bottom before I slack off and give in to sending him a message. I know he's sorry, but is he truly sorry or sorry that he got caught? How much longer would the cheating have gone on before he told me, or would he ever confess if the bitch didn't make the big reveal? I need to clear my mind because I cannot think about this now, and he needs to stop contacting me. Maybe tonight I will read his text messages and the note to try to figure out what to do from there.

My heart began to beat faster and faster the closer I got to the house. It's almost as if I didn't want to get home for fear of what was on my phone and written on the paper. I don't know what he thinks he could possibly say that would change my mind.

I pull into the driveway and turn off the car, though I don't want to get out. So I sit for a minute and try to gather my thoughts. Mom probably heard me pull up, if she is still awake, and I don't want to worry her, so I had better go inside before she gets up. The lights are on outside, but the house is dark except for the kitchen. I walk in to say hi.

"Hey dad, did mom go to bed?" Cinnamon greets me excitedly and I gently pat his head. I can't believe Cinnamon isn't in bed with mom. He's usually attached to her hip when she's home, so the only reason he isn't sleeping next to her is he's hungry. Awe, poor little guy. I look at Cinnamon and tell him, "I'll check and see if you were fed supper. If not Lacey will feed you sweets, okay?" As if he's going to answer me with anything but a wagging tail.

"Yeah, your mom wasn't feeling well. I told her I would clean up the kitchen and feed Cinnamon," my dad says.

"Ah, so you were telling me the truth." I look down at Cinnamon and his tail is going at warp speed; he knows we are talking about him and food. I'm surprised he wasn't fed sooner than now because he was diagnosed with diabetes five years ago. We almost lost him when he went into diabetic shock. Now he needs twice-daily injections. He can't be left alone for long periods of time in case he goes into shock again. Cinnamon has been a savior for my mom with her neck and back pain, keeping her mind preoccupied.

"I'll fix it," I tell my dad, procrastinating before I walk into the confines of my room and read something that will surely upset me. I feed Cinnamon and give him his insulin before I get ready to begin my nightly bedtime routine.

Ready for bed and with nothing else to do, I pull the letter out of my purse. Sitting on the edge of my bed, I begin to unfold the paper. Just the sight of his handwriting makes my heart ache, causing me to close my eyes for a moment before I begin reading.

Dear Lacey,

I'm sorry for dropping this off on your windshield. I just really needed to tell you how sorry I am, and I'm not sure if you've read the text messages I've sent so I got desperate. Please, Lacey, I beg you to finish reading this before trashing it or balling it up and throwing it against the wall.

He knows me pretty well. The thought crossed my mind to throw it out the window on Interstate 95 on my way to work yesterday. I continue reading.

I'm so sorry baby. I never meant to hurt you! Nothing I say or do will make what I did okay. It was horrible and there is no excuse for what I've done. I love you and want to be with you so badly it hurts. Last Friday night my world shattered because of my stupid mistakes. I admit I did the unthinkable. I'm so sorry baby. I did the stupidest thing not once, but twice. I had my entire world with you and I threw it away. I would do anything to go back and change what I did. I know this isn't an excuse, but it happened when I was completely wasted. I never would have done this to you with a clear mind. I love you too much. You are so beautiful, wonderful and such an amazing person. I threw everything away because I was thinking with my dick and not my head. I cannot tell you how sorry I am because there aren't words. I promise I will stop drinking so much from now on. I don't ever want to betray your trust again!

I know you don't want to talk to me. I hurt you in the worst way and I can't blame you for wanting nothing to do with me. I pray you will somehow find a way to forgive me. I miss you so much: your beautiful smile, your laughter, and your intoxicating scents: sweet cucumber skin and coconut hair. I miss holding you in my arms. I'm lost without you. I miss your sweet tender kisses and getting lost in them. You are the best thing that has ever happened to me and if you can find a place in your heart to give us another chance or to let me see you and tell you how I feel in person, I promise to be the best person I can for you. I know in my heart and soul we belong together and I'm willing to do whatever it takes for you to give me a second chance. I love you so much and cannot imagine my life without you. I don't want to!

I constantly check my phone to see if you've replied to my texts or called. The silence is killing me and I'm empty without you. I love you, Lacey, and I am deeply sorry for the pain I've put you through. I will give you the space you need and I won't contact you anymore. I love you baby, please I beg, give me another chance. I want to go back to the way things were before I messed up.

I love you forever and always,

Caine

I set the letter that now has little wet spots all over it down. I stare at it with tears bleeding out of my eyes. I'm so confused now; I don't know what to do. I love him so much and I don't want to live without him either. I miss him. Dear God, what do I do? Can I forgive him?

Taking a deep breath, I pull my phone out of my purse and begin to look at the text messages. There are so many! I scroll down and decide I'll only read a couple because I'm already emotionally spent from the letter.

Caine: Wednesday 8:29pm: I haven't heard from you and wanted to make sure you got my text messages. I'm sorry baby. I love you.

Caine: Wednesday 9:10pm: Baby, can you please text or call me? I miss you and just want to talk. If I don't hear from you, have a goodnight sweetheart. I love you!

Caine: Thursday 7:54am: Good morning Lacey. I just finished PT and wanted to tell you how much I love and miss you. Please reply. I love you so much.

I skip two messages and read:

Caine: Thursday 11:02am: I just got back to the office from my lunch break. I took an early lunch so I could stop by your house before you left for work, and put something on your windshield. I miss you baby!

I skip a number of more messages and settle to read only one more tonight; then I will be turning this monster off.

Caine: Thursday 8:37pm: Hey beautiful! I hope you had a chance to read the letter I left for you. You're constantly on my mind. I know I told you in the letter I would give you space and I will after this message. I just couldn't help myself. I'm missing you so much. I love you with all of my heart Lacey, forever and always!

I throw my head in my pillow wanting to scream at this guy. He has torn my heart out, and wants me to forgive him for having sex with another girl. Can my heart heal? If I take him back, will he hurt me again; and if he does, will my heart survive? It probably wouldn't. I need to cut ties and forget him. I will meet someone eventually who will treat me better. I send a quick text to Caine:

Lacey: Friday 10:42pm: Can we meet for coffee one day?

I check my email messages while I wait for him to respond, and as expected, he replies immediately.

Caine: Friday 10:43pm: I'm so happy to hear from you baby. How's tomorrow? I love you.

Shit! Tomorrow? There is no way I can do this tomorrow. I need more time, more distance, and more emotional preparation before seeing him. I mentally go over my schedule. Perfect!

Lacey: Friday 10:48pm: I can't. How's Tuesday?

I don't even bother putting the phone down or looking at anything because I know he will respond instantly, and I need to get this over with. I was right.

Caine: Friday 10:50pm: Tuesday's perfect. What time should I pick you up? We can go to the local coffee shop you like so much. I love you.

Dammit, I don't want him picking me up. No way in hell can that happen! Think Lacey, think. Oh!

Lacey: Friday 10:53pm: I have stuff to do early in the am. Let's meet there at 11am?

Caine: Friday 10:55pm: I'll be there sweetheart. I miss you like crazy and can't wait to see you! I love you. Good night baby.

I roll my eyes and power off my phone without returning to look over my emails. I can't think about anything else right now. I need to get my game face on, because he thinks we are getting back together. Fuck!

# CHAPTER NINE

Shock

It's Saturday night and as I am walking out the front door, I think about how good it feels to finally get out and have fun. I owe it all to Becca. She thought it was time for me to get my tail out of the house to enjoy some dancing.

When I see Caine on Tuesday, I need to remember to tell him I won't be traveling to Florida with him. We've had this trip scheduled for about a month to visit his family. When I purchased that plane ticket, my head was in the clouds. Damn, another day I forgot to call the airline to cancel my flight. I know I need to make the time; my mind just isn't working like it did pre-bitch-smacking-Caine-on-the-lips-and-him-fucking-admitting-it-to-me-days.

Caine hasn't sent me a text since the final one last night. If he continued to send me messages like those that he had earlier in the week, I was seriously thinking about blocking his number. Last night, I had a weak moment after reading the sappy ass letter he left on my car along with the rose. I know our relationship is over, but apparently, he needs to see me in person to get it through his thick skull. Tuesday is my day off and that's the only reason I suggested that day. I'm not sure if I'm going to need the rest of the day to get my emotions under control after meeting with him. Work has kept me busy enough that I haven't had time to wallow in self-pity. The nights are the worst, and no matter what he did, I miss him. I began to second-guess myself this morning. What if that bitch was jealous and was trying to start something between us? Maybe Caine was telling the truth. No Lacey. He admitted it. What the hell is wrong with me? The stress is making me too tired to do anything; it's almost as if I'm on autopilot. I thought I was coming down with something, but thankfully, mom thinks it's just exhaustion. When I talked to Becca this morning about second-guessing myself, she threw the biggest hissy fit of her life-thus far. Then she demanded I follow through on going out to dance with her tonight. Getting back onto the dance floor is sure to make me feel a lot like my old self.

Turning on the ignition to my car causes Becca to shut her eyes tight and shake her head in disappointment. Oops, I forgot to turn it to a radio station before she got in the car; so she wouldn't hear me listening to Boys II Men, 'End of the Road'. "What the fuck, Lacey? You're torturing yourself! Have you been listening to this depressing shit the past few days? What the hell else is on this CD? Oh my fucking God, another one of their songs, 'Water Runs Dry'? Shit Lacey!"

I will allow her to rant because if I interfere, Lord knows how much longer it will take to get her past this issue. She hits the button for the next song and Candlebox's, 'Far Behind' plays. She is going to have a shit fit. She skips to the next song and Cher Lloyd's, 'Want You Back' begins to play.

"Holy cow Lacey, how the hell are you ever going to move on if you listen to break up songs? I'm hijacking this CD. You aren't allowed to listen to this shit anymore! Do you hear me?"

I roll my eyes and silently pray she doesn't look into my CD collection because the front holds my favorites. I have a feeling I will be out a number of CDs if she starts snooping. I try to change the topic so she will focus on something other than my self-destructive behavior.

"Just so you know, I will not be making friends with any guys," I inform her as I put the car in gear. "I just want to dance and feel alive again." I feel as though a weight has been lifted off my chest. I am tired of thinking about Caine's traveling eyes. If he wants to be friendly with other girls, he can do so without me by his side. "Becca, don't look at me like that," I roll my eyes. "You can't solve one guy problem by getting involved with another." Becca is not one of Caine's fans. In fact, she acts as though she's going to projectile vomit each time I say his name, and has since Lucas told her Caine was cheating.

"Said no one ever!" she slams. "I'm done with all the crap he's pulling on you. You are essentially sucka free and not tied down anymore, so you deserve to have a night of carefree clubbing. In fact, we are breaking the glass tonight - pulling out the big guns for you." I smile at her. She's right. "Okay, enough talk about the douche bag, I'm starting to not enjoy myself," she says as she leans in to show me some cute boys standing on the side of the road as we drive through Baltimore. They are waiting for the crosswalk sign to change. "Check out the meat market Lacey."

I roll my eyes, "OH.MY.GOD. Becca!" I say using a louder voice. Becca looks hurt and shocked at my outrage.

"What? There isn't any sexpectation." She smirks.

"Becca, I agreed to come out, I didn't agree to harass the male population."

"That really hurt," she states full of sarcasm.

Yeah, I know how that feels. I hurt too, though it was by Caine's dishonesty, and not something my best friend said. She knows I was being a smartass. The hurt from Caine is deep because I was too blind to the cheating blood oozing through his veins. Caine charmed me with his good looks and smile. I know I have to let him go, but I don't want to. I miss him. How can you fall out of love with someone, even if he is a big jackass?

"Hello? Earth to Lacey... come in bitch... do you copy?" Becca is screeching at me, with her brown eyes wide. Oh dear. "Can you please stop doing double nickel and drive it like you stole it? For God sakes, we'll be ready for the nursing home by the time we get there."

"Sorry. I must have zoned out for a minute." I make a silent plea for her to her drop it. Knowing my best friend as well as I do, she knows what I'm thinking. Crap. My fingers are grabbing the steering wheel so tight my knuckles are white. Why the hell do I want someone who has hurt me? Why do I miss him?

"You need to just clear your mind girl. I know you are tired of my assvice but seriously, there is no room for that thing, we thought was a gentleman, in your head anymore," Becca gripes. Yep, so much for sneaking my thoughts past her. She's an amazing friend. "What the hell?" Becca's stare snaps me out of my trance. It's an intense stare boring holes into me.

Uh oh. "Sorry, I don't know what's gotten in to me. I won't daydream anymore." I try to reassure her. Thank heavens we've arrived at the club, because I can't take her theatrics anymore.

"Come on Lacey, I'm ready for some serious eyeolating. I haven't violated a guy by checking him out with only my eyes in forever," she says, getting out of the car. We round the front of the car and walk up to the familiar warehouse together arm in arm. The line isn't as long as it typically is, though arriving an hour later than usual might have something to do with it.

"And what the hell is eyeleting?" I ask.

Becca laughs, "No it's eyeolating. Lacey, eye-o-lat-ing."

"Wow, thanks for treating me like a fucking child because I don't speak 'Becc-lish'."

I am so happy to step foot in the club. I hand the bouncer my license that states my correct age. I'm driving and not really in the mood to drink. I want to keep my wits about me. The last thing I need is more drama. This is my first time clubbing as a single lady since leaving Caine. Well, since I've decided that Caine and I are through. He has a different opinion on that matter, but I will make the message loud and clear on Tuesday.

We're at Orpheus, which happens to be the same club where I met Caine. Shit! It's one of the six decent clubs in Baltimore and Becca had to choose this one. The bar smell fills my nostrils, causing them to explode like dynamite; and I wonder if I should have used my fake ID to help the emotional battle going on inside my head. I guess it's for the best since I don't want to wake up next to a stranger tomorrow, or allow some animal to paw up and down my body on the dance floor. Alcohol would surely contribute to unnecessary heartache.

I'm going out of my mind and I need to get on the dance floor to release some of these pent up endorphins. I'm not really sure about anything other than my need to dance. It sets me free, like a medication prescribed for my dilapidated heart. I glance up at the DJ who is working his sets that I'm sure he put together days ago. Recognizing this DJ's style in particular, I smile, knowing I will like the set list he prepared.

Regardless of how this club reminds me of Caine, I truly enjoy it. It's a smaller venue where the music, lights, and crowd allow me the opportunity to hide and let go of myself. I know it's only asking for trouble sometimes, but it feels like I can let the real Lacey free from her every day, proper life.

I could watch the dance off show that some of the guys put on for the longest time with their fancy footwork. Girls join in to show their moves every so often. It fascinates me. Most people refer to them as hip-hop battles, where each person's foot and bodywork become more impressive and intense than the next. I don't call them battles, but dance-offs, because they are informal jams. In all the times I've been here, the dance dialogue has never become violent, which has been known to happen in hip-hop battles.

I love having my head filled with the loud, deafening music. I close my eyes and give an open invitation to the music to dictate the movement of my hips. I'll never get tired of the way it feels when the music travels through my body. I have a hard time staying in one spot. I twist around and open my eyes to take in my surroundings, and glance around every so often to see who is dancing near Becca and me. Sometimes one of us will need to run interference if a guy is gets too daring on the floor. Most of the time, it only takes a shake of our heads to let the guy down. However, if they don't get the hint, then we haul our asses to the ladies room, praying they aren't standing outside the door waiting for us when we emerge.

I am a hot and sweaty mess after about an hour of dancing my ass off. It felt so good and I'm glad Becca forced me into coming tonight. After taking a break to down a bottle of water, I get back on the dance floor to 3OH!3, 'Starstrukk'. Listening to the lyrics, it's very fitting to the scene before my eyes. There are daisy dukes, tight outfits, and so much more that the song is alluding to. But most importantly, I will not use the word 'love' loosely again.

I spin around and suddenly lock eyes with someone new. Holy Mary mother of Jesus, the sight of him is refreshing. He's fucking hot. Not tamale hot, fucking smoking hot. He has piercing blue eyes, a medium build and is nicely muscular. Not the overachieving muscles found at all the local gyms or on the guy who recently wasted too much of my time. Ugh, I need to stop thinking about that asshole. Don't get me wrong, this guy appears to work out, but I can tell he isn't infatuated with his looks. He is clean cut and his presence is sending my body into flames. His clothes are a little more preppy than I normally find attractive, like trust fund baby groomed. It doesn't matter, his eyes captivate me, and I have to look away, as my eyes burn from staring too long. Moments later, I am hyperaware of his closeness. He moved to begin dancing with me. We shuffle to the music together and it's amazing. It feels so nice to have his arms wrapped around me as we dance. I feel the tug and I'm on fire with in every part of my body that makes contact with him. He isn't trying to feel me up or even push his hard on into my back, as Caine would. It's nice to see he respects boundaries.

Is that how guys brought up in a five star lifestyle treat women? I'm not interested in the extras that come with that sort of lifestyle. I can clean, so why have a housekeeper? I can drive, so why would I have a chauffeur? I can cook, so why would I have a personal chef? I don't understand the way some people live without using the easiest God-given talents they were born with. Maybe this guy isn't like that and perhaps I should just let go and allow myself to feel the heat between us. After all, I'm still trying to get over Caine.

The guy pulls me off the dance floor and I realize he wants to talk. We move as far away from the speakers as we can. "What's your name?" Mr. Blue Eyes asks.

"Lacey, what's yours?"

"Devon. Can I get you something to drink?"

Oh dear, Caine never offered to get me something to drink the night I met him. Ugh, I need to stop comparing him with others. "Water would be great." I smile and he leads me over to the bar to order a water for me, and a beer for him. Okay, he's clearly twenty-one years old, unless he's using a fake ID and I don't think he is because he looks older. He hands me my water and I thank him. We walk over to where we were talking before. It's a strain to hear each other. "Are you in school?" Devon asks.

"No, I just graduated high school and I'll be taking a year off before I begin college. Are you in college?"

"Yes, John's Hopkins." Holy fucking shit! That school is hard to get into and if you're lucky enough to get in, I hear the workload is insane. I nod my head, still shocked.

"Do you have a boyfriend?" Oh, his breath just brushed my ear and sent goose bumps down my body. Crap, I forgot.

I shake my head no. He is staring at me intently reading my features. It's making me nervous. "Do you?" I ask him.

He leans in to say, "No," and then brushes his lips on my cheek. Ah, damn, that was nice. He and I finish our drinks and look out onto the dance floor, frequently catching glimpses of each other. Leaning back into me he asks, "Would you like to dance?" Oh my God!

I nod so that I don't have to strain my voice. Devon pulls me into his arms and we dance against each other. There isn't any bumping and grinding, thank heavens! I appreciate his regard for my dignity; I wish I could say the same about Caine. Dammit, what the hell am I doing?

An hour or so later, Becca and I are ready to leave. Devon and his friends walk us out. We talk for a little bit and plan to meet at the club on Thursday, which is five days away. I'm not ready for anything serious; and I am happy he isn't asking me for my phone number or giving me his. We hug goodbye and he gently kisses my cheek as we pull away from one another. Becca was completely thrilled I met someone who I'm willing to see again. Granted, not go on a date, because I'm not ready for that, but to meet at the club. I am happy. This was just what I needed to help move me in the right direction away from douche bag Caine. Caine! I still have to face him Tuesday. I don't want to ruin my blissful state. I'll worry about that tomorrow.

Becca and I head back to my parents' house. I crash as soon as my head hits the pillow.

The next day, I'm still on my high thinking of those blue eyes. I'm able to get a lot accomplished. I feel as though I have a bounce back in my step. As evening approaches, Becca and I don't feel like doing much, but need to find something to eat. Mom isn't feeling well so we decide it's 'every man for himself' tonight. We'll resume our Sunday family dinner next week.

"Are you hungry?" I ask Becca.

"Yeah, let's see what you've got," she says, following me into the kitchen. I open the fridge to inspect the contents. I see left over spaghetti, meatloaf – yum- mom fixes the best meatloaf, and a couple slices of pizza from last night. I quickly close the door, feeling I might give in and eat something with too many calories.

"Lacey are you window eating again?" Becca snickers walking past me to investigate the refrigerator contents herself. I go to the cupboard and grab my supper of choice, a can of green beans. I set about opening the can to place the beans in a microwavable safe dish. Becca blows out a deep breath, "Well since you clearly have no intention on eating the pizza, I'm going to snarf it."

Mom walks into the kitchen with Cinnamon trailing behind her. "Mom, I'll go to the grocery store for you if you have a list made," I offer. I know my mom isn't having a good day. I bet her neck is giving her a lot of problems. Poor thing. Mom is so brave because she is in a lot of pain most days. She recently started getting migraines on top of everything else. After mom hands me the list of things she needs me to get, she goes back to bed with Cinnamon on her heels. Becca and I head to the grocery store.

I maneuver us through the store picking up the items on the list. We round the corner and I have a sudden impulse to pick up donuts for breakfast tomorrow morning, secretly knowing I would taste one when we get back to the house, but Becca doesn't need to know that. I catch a glimpse of cakes as we leave the bakery. "My mom loves this cake!" I tell Becca. Heck, I love this cake. Becca gives me this funny look and I ignore it. Many times, we communicate just by a look. It works out great when we are around our parents and don't want to divulge too much information. It's one of the great things about having a best friend who truly understands you. We have this down to a science.

We are just about through the list and approaching the checkout lane when I stop suddenly. "Ugh, I forgot something," I tell Becca, backing up the cart to turn around. I am due to have my aunt in town and need to stock up on supplies. Okay, my aunt really isn't coming to town. Thank the Lord! Because I feel the same way about her as I do my God-awful period. That's how I came up with the 'code' term. It's easier on the ears to hear my aunt's in town than I've got my period, on the rag, or whatever other crude phrases used to describe the inevitable monthly fiasco.

I pick out the necessary items needed to get me through my agonizing seven days of repulsiveness. I scan the aisle looking for my preferred brand, all the while observing the other items stocked on the nearby shelves. I glance over at the condoms, that lube stuff (Yuck!), and pregnancy tests. Hmm, I have this feeling come over me that causes me to grab one. I get a look from Becca.

"What?" I ask her. "I'm two days late... why not?" She gives me another look. We both know how unpredictable my monthly unwanted guest can be. I probably just caught her off guard. I'm hoping it is the stress of my soon –to-be-ex-joke of a boyfriend causing me to be late.

After the store, I suggest, "I want to take this test quickly. I am nervous about my mom finding out. Do you mind if we stop at my parents' store?" It's on our way back to my house, anyhow.

"That's fine. You've got me nervous as shit girl. I want to get it over with," she agrees. We slip inside my parents' store to quickly ease both of our minds.

After peeing on the stick, I place it on the back of the toilet seat and wash up. As I grab a paper towel to dry my hands, I glanced over at the stick. Nooooo! The walls begin to close in and I feel like I'm suffocating; I can't breathe. Opening my mouth to take a breath, I also try to get Becca's attention, but I can only whisper. Becca runs in breathlessly, hearing my discomfort. The color immediately drains from her face. "OH MY GOD Becca! What the fuck is that? Please reread the instructions. There is something wrong with this test!" If I remember the directions correctly we, I mean, I am in trouble.

FUCK!

There is a problem with this one. That's it! It's a defect. I think maybe I should send them a letter asking for my money back. Then I snap, "We need to go back to the store!"

"Lacey, this is fucked up. This cannot be happening. That bastard just can't let you go, can he? Mother fucker!" Becca says shaking her head. "This is something that is supposed to happen when the condom breaks on prom night. It's not supposed to happen now. That turd is going to pay for this shit." Oh dear Becca's on a roll.

We arrive about ten minutes later at the grocery store. Of course, I insist we go to a different store, just in case. Becca looks at me stunned. "What the hell Lacey? We need to get this shit over with sooner rather than later. We don't have time to traipse all over town to different stores. There is no fucking way you are pregnant."

All I can think is that there is something wrong with that store's home pregnancy products. I wonder if I should return the other items I purchased earlier - when my life was simpler. There is something clearly wrong with that store. That's all it is. It's the store's fault.

I jump out of the car as soon as we come to a complete stop and have thrown it into park. "I'll be really quick Becca, you don't need to..."

"Like hell I don't need to come in. I'm going to make sure you get the right fucking product. We both know you aren't thinking clearly right now. Hell, I don't know if I'm thinking clearly right now." Becca says exhaustedly. "Damn, I'm prexhausted. All this thinking is too much for my brain."

"Fine, hurry," I call back to her.

"I can only walk so fast in my heels, love." I roll my eyes at her reply.

"You know they look fabulous with these jeans. Whoa, little miss wallblocker." She says. "There aren't any sudden stops allowed in front of me."

"I just wanted to thank you Becca." I stop and pull her into a hug, "Thank you for trying to lighten the mood. I'm going out of my fucking mind."

"I know love, let's go get some rockin' tests," she says and we both start laughing. I run down the aisle and grab another test. I turn around to head to the checkout, almost trampling over Becca again.

"Wait, what if there's something wrong with this one too?" Quickly I turn around and grab three more tests. "Clearly one of these is bound to be accurate." And it looks like a couple of them are double packs.

After paying and rushing back to my parents' store, twenty more minutes have passed. Becca rips open all of the packages. "You pee on all of them," Becca instructs me. "And then wait outside the door and I'll let you know what they say." I hesitantly walk out as I hold my stare on the six tests on the back of the toilet seat, waiting to tell me what lies ahead. How can a plastic stick cause someone's life to change so much? Damn technology.

I hold my breath as Becca exits the bathroom and looks at me. She doesn't say anything. She just has this look on her face.

"No, no, no!" I yell at her. "No way can seven tests be wrong! What are the chances? I read one of the boxes. 97% accuracy. Ok, I'm clearly in the three percent margin of error. Right?" Becca knows the gears are turning and I am in serious denial. "Yes, sweet Jesus. They are all wrong!"

"Lacey honey, relax and stop babbling. I don't think seven tests can be wrong. I believe you just might be pregnant, love. There is no reason to have a quarter life crises over this. We'll figure it out." She tries to reassure me that things are going to be okay.

Tears are trickling down my cheek, "No, no, no! Things won't be fine Becca!" I say as my voice is getting louder. "I'm breaking up with that douche bag." After a moment of getting myself together I ask, "How can this happen? Do I tell him?" No. I definitely can't. Becca doesn't say anything. I know she is trying to process this as much as I am. I can tell she is worried about saying the wrong thing. Thank God, I have her to help me figure this out.

I bend over, putting my head in my hands. I want to go back to the moment earlier this evening when I urgently wanted the box of donuts. Becca and I were joking around. I was on cloud nine and looking forward to seeing that guy at the club on Thursday. I didn't have this overwhelming weight on my shoulders. I didn't have all of these thoughts running through my head that I wanted to escape from. It was in that moment I felt as though I could breathe as life seemed so simple.

The drive back to my house was a blur. I know Becca was talking and trying to reassure me, but I cannot remember any of it to save my life. I was just trying to breathe. I don't remember putting the groceries away. I don't remember anything other than thinking of how my life was about to change. How I might not live through this. How can I? I'm nineteen years old. Who gets pregnant at this age? What kind of mother can I be when I clearly haven't grown up? I smoke an occasional cigarette for God's sake. What am I doing to this thing inside of me? Oh my God! I have something inside of me! OH. MY. GOD! This thing has to come out... where? I can't do this. No, I'll just go to sleep and when I wake up tomorrow, this nightmare will be over. That's it!

I lay in bed, staring at the bunk bed above me. Bunk beds. I am fucking nineteen years old and have bunk beds. I am pathetic. I am also pregnant. Well at least there is another bed for the baby. What the hell? What am I going to do? I cannot tell my parents. I'm supposed to be a good Catholic girl and look at me. I'm knocked up. My parents are going to be so disappointed in their daughter's ruined reputation. They are going to separate Caine and his nut sack from one another, and feed it to Cinnamon. This thought puts a smile on my face. Oh dear, I think I'm going to hell for the comfort I find in this image. No, Cinnamon is too good to eat that shit. After all, his mother is the one that told me he couldn't have children due to a football accident he endured as a child, and he confirmed it. He apparently wasn't sterile like he and his mother said! Oh was I naive. Who the hell believes that bullshit? Apparently, someone like me! I'm such a dumbass.

I was on birth control when I met Caine. I tried to remind myself to take it. I could never remember to take the damn pill to save my life. I thought my mom was going to have a coronary when she found out I had taken five days' worth of the pills at one time. Since I could never remember to take the pill and Caine couldn't have children, why not go off the pill? Safe, right? This poor kid is going to have me as a mom. I can't even make a sound decision to protect myself, much less remember to take something every day. Oh my God! I'm going to forget this child somewhere! People like me shouldn't be allowed to have kids!

It's not as if I can blame the pharmaceutical company, or the makers of the condom he was wearing the day this little one was conceived. No. I am to blame. The dickhead, whom I still need to break up with, and I are the cause of this. Fuck. I have to deal with his shit on Tuesday.

# CHAPTER TEN

Distress

Tuesday came all too quickly. I have been making myself sick over my decision to tell Caine about the pregnancy. I'm going crazy weighing the pros and cons. Even though I still have mixed feelings, I think he deserves to know. What kind of mother would I be keeping the knowledge of my baby's existence from its father? Somehow, I've managed to work up the confidence to meet with Caine today. The simple act of meeting him should be enough stress for one person to endure. He wants to talk, so we are meeting at the local coffee shop. We originally only needed to talk about our relationship. Now I have to tell him about being pregnant. I chose a public location because he is less likely to cause a scene there. At first, he wanted to pick me up, but the opportunity to leave whenever I need is possibly the only thing that's going to get me through this.

Pulling into a parking space, I immediately spot his red sports car, which causes a groan to erupt out of me. I am contemplating whether it's too late to turn around and leave when I see him in the window. He waves to me. Fuck! Deep breaths Lacey... deep breaths. I regain my composure and get out of the car. Okay, maybe I didn't get all of my self-confidence back. I think I'm going to blow chunks. I know this is not from morning sickness. It has everything to do with the cheater sitting on the other side of the glass with a fucking smile on his face. Bastard.

I walk in and find him before me. He must have gotten up to greet me and I have to remember to breathe. I didn't expect to have this reaction to him. It should be a sin to be this freaking sexy. Wearing his white Sailor uniform and, as Becca would say, 'He has the Military Factor'; he is downright sexy as hell!

"I already bought you a latte," he says, as we walk over to the table. Oh no! I'm not supposed to have coffee. I sit as I try to remember if I heard somewhere caffeine can cause birth defects. If I don't accept it, he'll know something is up. One cup can't hurt, right? Or do I just tell him. Dammit! This was a mistake.

"Excuse me Caine, I'll be right back," I stand quickly, accidentally knocking my chair backwards. Shit! I begin to stand my chair up not realizing he is coming around to help. "Sorry, I... I need to use the ladies room. I'm sorry."

"Lacey, are you okay? Your face has gone pale. What's wrong, baby?" He tries to make contact with my eyes to read my thoughts. I can't look at him; I just might lose it right here.

"Yeah, yeah I'm fine. I'll, um, I'll be ah, right back." I look around for my escape and walk away as quickly as I can, desperate for air. Busting through the bathroom door, I almost take out an elderly lady. After profusely apologizing and helping her out the door, my thoughts return to the mess I need to handle. The poor lady was almost laid flat on the disgusting bathroom floor, thanks to my carelessness. Splashing some cold water on my face, I attempt to get my emotions under control. I don't know what I was thinking; I can't go out there and face him. He looks so handsome in his uniform and it brings back memories of when we were happy. Why did he have to cheat and throw our relationship away? Why do I love him so much?

After God knows how long I gave myself a pep talk in the mirror, I walked out of the ladies room to face my consequence. I find Caine sitting at the table where I left him and he is starring out the window.

Rounding the table, I notice he has a confused look on his face; he looks like he wants to ask me something, but decides not to. "Sorry," I say sadly.

"No problem, Lacey," His face relaxes a little, but he's clearly nervous. "Are you okay? Can I get you something?"

"No, no. I'm fine." I wave my hands in the air, hoping to dismiss his concern.

"I want to start by apologizing to you for what I did, baby; what I've done to you, to us and to our future. I am so sorry for putting you through this," he begins to pour his heart out. "The look on your face the other night almost killed me," he explains.

"Caine-," I begin but he cuts me off.

"Lacey, please let me finish. I've had this whole conversation worked out in my head and I need to get it out before I go crazy. I said how I feel in the letter, but I need to tell you face to face and pray you realize how much I love you," he says.

"No Caine! You cannot say things like you're going crazy, or things have been hard for you, because you don't know what the hell I've been going through. I have been going out of my fucking mind for three days. I wasn't sure what I was going to say to you when we met today. I didn't know if I was going to be honest with you, or if I was just going to let you go and walk away. I don't know what my honesty with you is going to mean for my future and that scares the hell out of me. What I'm about to tell you doesn't change anything between us. I can't ever trust you again, but I'll be truthful with you. I love you Caine, and I've always been honest with you. I wish I could say the same for you. But that's irrelevant right now and love isn't always enough to work through messes like this." I finish.

"Lacey, are you okay? I don't understand," he asks, puzzled by my rambling.

No Caine, I'm not okay! "I don't know, truthfully." I will be dealing with the shame from our wonderful society for not practicing safe sex. My baby is going to be a statistic. How can I be okay? National Statistics say that my baby is twice as likely not to graduate high school, that we'll live in poverty, that if it's a boy he is twice as likely to end up in prison, and that if it's a girl, she is three times as likely to become a teenage mom herself. No, I'm not okay!

"I'm so sorry, Lacey. I love you so much. I don't know what I'll do without you in my life. Why can't we try to work through this when I love you too?"

I narrow my eyes at him. "Is that what you were thinking when you were enjoying yourself between that floozy's legs?" I spit.

"Lacey, I..."

"Caine, stop! Nothing you say can change what you did. I've only agreed to meet you to tell you we are..." Oh my God. "Excuse me." I run to the bathroom, praying I'll make it before I ruin the atmosphere for everyone in the coffee shop. I just barely make it to the stall where I lose the contents in my stomach and possibly a few internal organs. I dry heave over and over. Once my stomach calms a little to where I know it's safe enough for me to stand, there is a knock on the stall. "Ma'am?" A strange lady asks. "There is a gentleman outside who asked me to come in and check on you. Are you okay?" Fuck! "Um, yeah I just ate something that didn't agree with me. You can tell him I'll be right out." The lady says, "Okay, feel better," and walks out.

I turn on the cold water and pull a few hand towels out of the metal dispenser. The bathroom door flies open with Caine standing in the doorway. "Lacey?" I am way too emotional and physically weak to put this off anymore.

"I'm pregnant, Caine," I divulge quickly before I lose my nerve and clean my face. My entire head and neck are hot and sweaty. I feel faint, making a mental note not to lock my knees so that I can make it out of here with my pride intact.

"Um...," he says, but then is speechless.

I lean on the counter to help brace myself. "Caine, you don't need to do anything. I just wanted you to know with you being the dad and all."

"Am I really the father of the--," he tries to finish.

"You are a bastard! Don't you dare go there, Caine," I bite. "You know very well I have never been unfaithful. Just because you have a tendency to put you dick in places it doesn't belong doesn't mean I'm the same way," I say, reminding him of his defrauder ways.

"Okay, I'm sorry. So what do you want?" he asks.

"I don't know? Nothing I guess. I just wanted you to know for the sake of my conscience and the baby's." At least I'm being honest with him.

We return to our table and sit a few minutes in silence while I guess he digests the life changing news. "Lacey, I will take care of you and the baby. I love you and if you give me another chance I will spend every day proving my love and loyalty to you and the baby," he says. My self-control is starting to diminish, because I want to believe him with each word he utters. I need to be strong for myself. I need to put my walls up. How can I believe what he says? How will I be able to handle him breaking my heart again with the responsibilities of a baby too?

"Lacey, listen. Since I'm in the military, I can get you and the baby the medical care needed. I can take care of you. I know that with the economy, your parents have been struggling to keep both of the stores open. Let me take away the burden of paying medical expenses. I can be there for you. I want to be a part of the baby's life. I want to prove my love for you. Please, let me do this for you and the baby," he tries to persuade.

"How can you provide healthcare for us? We aren't married," I ask, suddenly wishing I could take my words back.

"That's what I'm talking about Lacey. Let's get married. Let me take care of you and our child for the rest of our lives," he says so confidently, as if he's solved world hunger.

"Uh, that's a huge step Caine. I don't know if I can do that. Especially since I wanted to break things off with you just a couple of days ago." His gaze falls. I notice he's playing with his napkin. Oh God, please no tears. Blink them back Lacey... blink them back! "I don't know if I will ever be able to trust you again. You shattered my heart when you admitted to me you cheated. How do I know you aren't going to be unfaithful again?" I see him flinch at my harsh words. "Caine, I trusted you just like I trusted my uncle and you both betrayed me," I mumble and internally promise to do everything in my power to protect my baby from monsters like my uncle.

"Lacey, I will prove my love to you every day if you give me the opportunity. I am nothing like your uncle and seriously bothered you would put me in the same category with him. I'm sorry I betrayed you," he stops, looking down at the napkin in deep thought. Oh, I'm so sorry you're bothered about a fucking category. You cheating little prick! I think this helped my decision and I'm so done here.

A minute later, he looks up with sorrowful eyes. "Lacey, please let me prove my faithfulness to you and my commitment to our relationship and marriage, if you'll have me. I will prove it for the rest of our lives if I have to; it's a promise. I love you. I never stopped. I will always love you. You've now given me something I will cherish every day as long as I live," he rattles on.

OH.MY.GOD He is clouding my mind and thoughts. I have an overwhelming desire to hug him and pretend none of this ever happened. He has caught me off guard and desire is starting to heat in my core. Or is that the baby? Ugh! I turn to look out the window. I need a moment to think, to consider what the hell he just said before I agree to do something I'll regret. Regret! Funny, I acted impulsively the first night I slept with him. Have I not learned my lesson to think before I act? What the fuck, marriage? "I don't know Caine. I need to think about it. I can't give you an answer today." This is not how I envisioned the direction of this meeting going. I NEED BECCA!

"Will you at least still come to Florida with me? We can talk and hopefully figure out what we are going to do about our future and the baby's. Will you do that for me?" he asks, raising his eyebrows. Don't fall for it Lacey. His sweet charm cannot sway your decision.

"Caine, I'm not planning on a future for us and I certainly wasn't expecting the news to change anything," I say in haste. Oh my God, healthcare, crap! There is no way my parents can afford to help. Is there somewhere I can go for help? I have no fucking clue. I'm a freaking child having a child. "You can be in the child's life and I'm sure there are resources out there for pregnant teenagers so my parents won't be burdened with covering medical costs."

"I'm sure there are resources Lacey, but I want to be the one to take care of you and the baby. I don't want you to go through whatever system is out there when I can easily make you a dependent and care for you every day. I will be in my child's life no matter what, but I hope you will at least come to Florida with me so we can talk more and figure this out together."

Damn, what the hell? I feel like I'm having an out of body experience. Why are my walls tumbling down? "I guess I'll go to Florida since I forgot to cancel my plane ticket, but on one condition."

"Anything for you Lacey," he states.

"We are not going to have any physical contact. No kissing, no sleeping together, nothing. There will be no affection, public or private, until I've made up my mind," I strain.

"Okay, I wouldn't have it any other way. Thank you for this Lacey," he beams.

"Caine, I'm doing this more for our child than anything else," I remind him while beginning to stand, making sure I don't knock over my chair or pass out.

"Okay. How about I pick you up on my way to the airport Friday?"

"Umm, I'll let you know. I may have my mom or Lane drop me off," I say.

"Okay, fair enough." He takes a step forward acting as though he is going to hug me. I step back, reminding him I do not want any physical contact whatsoever. He nods his head.

"I'll be in touch," I say on my way out. I need air. Holy Mary Mother of God, did he just tell me he wants to marry me? Fuck! I didn't anticipate this. This is whacked out! Now that Caine knows, I need to figure a way to tell my parents.

Getting in the car, I can feel the tears threatening to spill as I throw my head back. I open my eyes to find him watching me from our spot in the coffee shop. Oh no! He cannot see me fall apart. I need to get out of here. I pull out and head home where the comfort of my room will allow my emotions to escape. The drive home was a blur. I was in deep thought. Just seeing him again brings back the physical attraction and temptation to be with him. I wish he wasn't so hot. Damn him! If I go to Florida, I don't know if I'll be able to keep my hands off him. I love him and might give into the tendency to settle my hunger with his touch.

Soon, I reach the house, and I am thankful no one is home. I slip into my room and fall to the floor, releasing the painful cries I've been holding back. Why did he do this to me? Wasn't I a good girlfriend? Why did he have to cheat on me? This wasn't supposed to be happening. I am so in love with him; will I be able to stay away? I rock myself back and forth trying to find some comfort in the mess I've made. My mind is racing and I can't think from all of the emotions running through me. I am a blubbering mess. Caine is remorseful for his actions. He even wants to make an honest woman out of me. If he is sincere, is it worth a try? His intentions are good, but are they enough? I crawl to my bed and scream into my pillow. Please God, please help me make the right decision. I bring my knees up and hug them. I can't stop crying and think I'm going to be sick. My chest is tight and my breathing feels restricted.

A couple of hours later I wake up with swollen eyelids, a massive headache, and the urge to pee. I walk to the bathroom holding my head to help with the headache, when I hear someone in the kitchen. Fuck! Someone is home. I look myself over in the mirror. Double fuck! Applying a cold washcloth will hopefully calm the giant marshmallow reflecting back at me. I haven't figured out how I'm going to tell my parents. I need to suck it up. The dye is cast and nothing I can do will change my destiny. I'm having this baby. I don't want my baby to grow up without a father. I will go to Florida and consider Caine's proposal. I can pretend to be happy so that I won't torture myself. That's it. Forget the sadness, hurt and pain. I will do the only morally acceptable thing at this point and marry the cheater.

~*~*~

After four days of battling my internal agony, being on edge and antisocial, I think my parents are ready to kick me out or have me committed. I have no idea how or what to say to them. They still don't know because I haven't figured out how to tell them that their youngest daughter and her unborn baby are a national statistic. As Becca helps me pack my bags to go to Florida tomorrow, Lane walks into my room.

"Lacey, what the hell is going on?" she asks, cornering me. "Why are you back with Caine after what he did to you? You need to leave him!" she shouts.

I wish I could tell you Lane. "Nothing's going on. Becca's helping me pack. I love Caine; that's why we are back together." I lie. "Anyway, I can't break up with him; I have to stay with him." Uh, oh! I can feel the heated flush on my cheeks, elevated pulse, and pounding in my ears. Me and my big mouth!

Lane's face falls. She and I share a horrific look that sparks the haunted memory from my childhood. I made an unspoken promise years ago that I would never put myself in a position where a man could control me. I can see it in her eye. She thinks I'm allowing Caine to control me and maybe there is some truth to that. I'd never tell her.

"Lane, you don't understand," I plead with tears prickling the backs of my eyes. She couldn't understand. She has an awesome boyfriend. They are high school sweethearts and will most likely spend the rest of their lives together. She has her fairytale. She couldn't possibly understand my problems. Things happen in the right order for her. She will finish college, get married, and will only begin her family when she is ready. I've always been jealous of it. She was the good daughter. I was the wild child. This is what happens to wild, irresponsible people. They don't have a fairytale life.

"Lacey, this is wrong," She says storming out of my room, almost in tears and nostril flaring.

Becca gives me the sympathetic smile. "You have to come clean. Your family will help you figure it out," she professes.

"No way, Becca! You better not tell them either. Please don't be the whistleblower. You promised me!" I yell softly. I wasn't going there because I needed to figure this out for myself. I had planned to cancel my trip with said douche bag and break up with him. I had planned to meet Mr. Blue Eyes at the club last week. Shit, I stood Devon up. He was such a gentleman too. Why is this happening? I don't understand how life can be so simple one minute and then boom. One word, "positive," not even a word - a symbol - can and has changed everything.

"Okay, I promised I wouldn't say anything but you need to weigh your options. I don't think marrying is the end all, be all solution Lacey. How about we look at the pros and cons?"

"What other options are there Becca?"

Becca starts rummaging around my desk and says, "Ah ha!" when she pulls out a notepad. "Okay, let's write down the reasons you should and shouldn't go through with your crazy ass decision to marry the fucker."

"Nice Becca. I'm going to need a sound deafening stomach wrap when you're around me or the baby is going to come out swearing."

She rolls her eyes and dismisses me. "Whatever! Anyway, back to important stuff. What are the pros for marrying 'dickhead'?"

"Well, he can provide medical care at no cost. He can be around the baby all of the time. And, I do love him Becca," I say sheepishly.

"For God's sake, you're crazy! How about I list the cons? He's a cheater – once a cheater, always a cheater, he lied about cheating, and did I say he cheated?" she says matter-of-factly. I glance over at the notepad she was using to make the list. There are two columns labeled 'pros' and 'cons'. The pro list has two things listed and the con side is almost full.

"Let me see that. Why did you only list two pros?" I grumble grabbing the list. "Becca, really? You wrote cheater, always a cheater, meathead, slut, manwhore, dick, loser, cheat, asshole, player, jerk, selfish, jackass, backstabber, low-life, fucker, bullshitter, poser, lunatic, stupid, fake, idiot and douche bag. Wow Becca, you actually stopped at..." I count the things she came up with. "You came up with 23 cons. I'm disappointed you stopped there," I say sarcastically, tossing the notebook back at her.

"Oh, don't you worry, love. I wasn't stopping at twenty-three; you snatched the paper away before I could add anymore. I was just getting started, bestie. But, most importantly, I don't want you to marry just him because you are pregnant. I love you and will do whatever I can to help. I know your family will do anything too if you will just let them in. This is too big to keep bottled up. Your family is thinking you've lost your mind," she says unhappily.

"I know Becca. Trust me; I am going out of my mind. I haven't had coffee in four days or a cigarette in five. Withdrawal and hormones do not go well together. Even though I only smoke occasionally, it does wonders to calm my nerves when I stress. Please don't worry. I'll talk to my family once I get back from Florida. Once Caine and I have this all figured out. Now get your ass over here. I need a hug from my bestie," I demand.

"As long as you will promise me to really think about this whole marriage thing. I don't think you need to go through with it, love."

"I promise. Let me finish packing and maybe we can watch a movie. How does 'My Fair Lady' sound?" I ask.

"Uh, no! I think we need to find a modern day musical, love. Please do not torture me with oldies," she tosses back.

"Fine, you pick it out. I'll be ready in a few minutes."

The next day my mom finds me, wearing a determined look on her face. Oh God no! I can't talk. If I talk, I might slip and tell her. I'm not ready for that.

"Lacey, are you using drugs?!" If smoke could be coming out of her ears now, it would.

Did I hear her right? Oh my God! "What... drugs? No mom, I'm not taking drugs!" I yell. I wish I was on drugs because then they could send me away to rehab and it would be over. But then I would have a lifetime of other worries that go along with addictions.

"I'm serious Lacey. What drugs are you taking? I want to know right now and you will not leave this house until you tell me what you're using!" she demands as I'm placing my suitcase next to the door. I cannot breathe with my mom asking me all of these questions. She won't let this go and I've had enough of hiding.

Turning around quickly, I yell, "I'm not on drugs mom... I'm... I'm fucking pregnant!"

She gasps.

"Sorry mom!"

"Oh, thank God!" she praises. What? She's relieved? You've got to be kidding me. She is relieved that I'm pregnant and not on drugs. Can my life get any worse, strange, complicated? I stand there in disbelief. "Come here, honey," she says, wrapping her arms around me in a hug. "I love you, baby girl. Everything will be okay; we'll figure this out. Come have a seat. I'll make you some tea."

I follow mom into the kitchen and watch her keep busy preparing our mugs. "Mom, Caine knows," I tell her apologetically.

"He does? What did he say?" she hesitantly asked, not wanting the answer to be harsh.

"I think after the initial shock wore off, he was fine with it. Well, I don't know about fine, but he promised to take care of the baby and me. I don't know what the asshole was... Sorry mom! I don't know what he was thinking telling me that he wants to take care of me and the baby."

"What do you mean take care of you and the baby? How is he going to do that? You aren't even mar..." She stops pulling out the second tea bag to look at me.

"He said he wants to fucking marry me! Ugh, sorry mom! I don't know what has gotten into me. He wants to marry me so that the baby and I will have healthcare. He also said he wants to prove himself to me and promises to never cheat on me again." I shrug.

"Do you believe him?"

"Believe what? The marriage? Yeah I think the crazy bastar... Sorry mom! I think he would do that. He's been begging me to accept his apology and not to end our relationship. Do I believe he won't cheat on me again? I don't know. I believe he is sincere and regrets what he did. But I don't think I'll ever know if he will or won't be tempted again," I say, taking the mug she offered me.

"Wow Lacey. It appears you've thought a lot about this." Surprise is written all over her face.

"Yeah, well I've been agonizing over this whole thing, trying to figure out what I'm going to do. That's probably why you thought I was on drugs."

"It wasn't just me who thought you were." She raises her eyebrows.

"Great. That's just what I need."

"No worries swee... honey." She smiles. "How about I take you to the airport this evening?" she asks.

"That would be great. Thanks mom," I say, pulling her in for another hug. "I love you."

"I love you too. And Lacey, if there ever is a next time, please just tell me. It will save us all a lot of grief." She turns towards the sink to clean up. Wonderful, now I feel guilty!

I leave and go to work. Today I'm working at the store on the other side of Baltimore. As soon as I get in, my dad embraces me in a hug. Wow, news travels fast.

"I'm so happy to hear that you've been acting this way because you're pregnant," he says. UNBELIEVABLE! Never in a million years would I expect my parents to react this way. Maybe I'll understand when I become a parent. Oh, by the way Lacey, it won't be too long now.

# CHAPTER ELEVEN

Promises

Mom drops me off at the airport where Caine is waiting for me. Literally, on the curb, waiting for me. He opens my door, offering me his hand. I accept, and place my shaky hand in his, sending a bolt of electricity through my body. Mom comes around to help with my luggage, and Caine intercedes taking it.

"Hi Caine," Mom greets him.

"Hello. Thank you for dropping Lacey off," he replies.

"When you and Lacey return, I believe you need to come over and talk to Patrick and me about your intentions." Mom winks at me and I roll my eyes, knowing that she just wants to hear it out of the horse's mouth – so to speak.

"Yes ma'am. Sure thing." He pauses, looking away for a minute. "I hope you know how sorry I am for everything. I made some really stupid choices and will do everything I can to make it up to Lacey and you guys." I'm sure he's deliberately apologizing to gain points with mom.

I give my mom a hug and promise to call once we land. Caine places his hand on the small of my back, leading us towards our gate. At first, I flinch and stiffen, but I make myself relax to his touch. If I'm going to try to make this work, then I must stop reacting negatively to his touch. Once we are through security, he grabs my hand and laces our fingers. I have my head pointed down, looking where I'm walking, because as flustered as I feel right now, I'm sure to trip over my own feet. With every step, I feel my walls begin to crumble just a little. I have longed for his touch. Excitement is heating the blood in my body and I'm mad with want for this man. Or is that hormones? Either way, it's hard to not be aroused in his presence. He is wearing tan cargo shorts, a tight band shirt, and flip-flops. Hmm, his bare feet. Ugh, he is fucking hot. I don't know how I'm going to last this week. It's been two weeks since we've been intimate and I'm feeling the effects of withdrawal. Maybe I shouldn't have worn this sundress. I don't want to confuse him in anyway. I just remember the Florida heat and humidity is God awful in the summer. Caine stops and I look up at him, wondering what's going on and then I glance around the airport.

"This is our gate." He breathes. "Let's have a seat until they call our section."

"Oh, okay." We sit down with our hands still together. I need to get some things off my chest before I lose the nerve. Like what are the sleeping arrangements or what have you told your parents about our relationship? For God's sake, I didn't want anything to do with him two weeks ago, and here I am sitting next to him, holding his hand. The touch of his calloused hand does something to me, making every second harder to keep him at arm's length. "Caine, I..."

"Lacey, please hear me out. I've missed you so much. I am excited to have you here with me." He pulls our interlaced fingers to his mouth, kissing them. Oh God! I feel the threat of tears. After meeting him at the coffee shop and going over everything he said in my head, I began to believe he wants this: our relationship, and soon to be little family, to work. I smile faintly and take a deep breath. My internal thoughts are battling the mixture of feelings going through me. I want him more than ever right now, but he cheated and I need to remember that for the sake of my dignity. He is so damn sexy and willing to support his child and me. But can I forgive him? Is it possible to forgive and forget?

Caine turns to look at me and must sense my uneasy thoughts. "I'm not going to press you into doing anything you don't want, but I think you need to know that I want you. I will always want you, and now that you are carrying my child, it just seals the deal for me," he says effortlessly. Fuck! I can only nod, because if I talk, my body will deceive me and I will act on impulse. And we all know where that got me before.

Thankfully, I am able to take a nap for most of the flight since I haven't been sleeping much with the anticipation of this trip and the stress over the past week. Flying has never appealed to me, so if I can sleep myself into oblivion, I jump at the chance. Caine nudges me and kisses my forehead, waking me from my beautiful dream where I was far away from all this drama. Oh my, that feels nice. What a great way to wake up. "Baby, we just landed," he says in that deep voice of his. Shit, I'm in trouble. I look out the window and see that it's raining. If the weather is any indication for the emotions going through me, we should be expecting severe thunderstorms. I am not looking forward to the reaction that Caine's mother is going to have when she finds out I'm pregnant. We haven't spoken much about what I should expect from his family, only that he wants to tell them our news together, tonight. This is not what I had in mind. What if they think I trapped him? What if they question whether I truly am pregnant? What if they hate me? Will they also hate my baby? Does my child need them? NO! He or she doesn't. If they are not going to be supportive, then I don't need them around my baby, or me.

Once we get off the plane, he grabs my hand again, and leads us to the car rental booth. He's renting a car so we won't be dependent on anyone to get us around during our stay. I hope Caine's tendency to get possessive is not resurfacing. I'm nervous how this trip is going to end if that's the case. I can only handle one step at a time, and if I'm truthful with myself, he doesn't have the option to be a caveman just yet. I've reconsidered this trip too many times to count. I'm here now, and I need to settle my nerves before I come face to face with his mom.

"Lacey, are you okay?" Caine asks, bringing me back to reality. I nod, worried my voice will waiver if I speak. He smiles and turns back to the rental car agent who is handing him the keys. We find the car parked in the garage and I try to help with luggage, but Caine insists on loading the car. For heaven sakes, he isn't going to let me do anything while I'm pregnant. Once he has everything packed in the trunk, he turns to me. His heated gaze takes me back to our underlying chemistry. Oh God! He steps forward, looking at me with dark eyes, and tilting his head as if attempting to read my thoughts. His mind is fondling mine, releasing the lustful feelings that I've missed the past two weeks. Caine lifts his hands to cup my cheeks and seeks my eyes for what resides behind them. He lowers his head to caress my lips with his. His lips are soft, and soothe an ache within me, and he pushes harder seeking entrance, and acceptance. Overcome by my emotions, I allow them to take over, and forget everything else. I've missed him so much and need this. His lips feel so good and oh my, he takes me deeper, pushing me against the car. His kiss turns urgent, with him rubbing his excitement into me. I cannot protest, with a need for him that is so bad, it hurts. I give him everything and don't hold back. He has my body and soul. How could I deny him? I try to relay everything I'm feeling in this kiss.

Caine pulls back and rests his forehead on mine. "Baby, I love you so much," he says breathlessly.

"I love you too." Damn, I am full of hormones.

"We better go before I do something I'll regret," he states, leaving me grieving the loss of his closeness. I need him so bad. Wait, what the hell just happened?

We drive through the resort town of Panama City where his parents live. The rain has stopped, and now the humidity is determined to push its own boundaries. Thank heavens we are only visiting. I don't know if I could stand staying any longer than necessary around his mom, even though I'm sure I could find some place to escape with all of these tourists littering the town. We are shacking up with his sister, Sam. She is getting married in the fall and her bridal shower is in two days. That happens to be the reason for our visit. Caine felt it was better if we stayed with his sister. I met her in December, but never made it to her apartment. She seemed nice, but I don't know her very well. Sam is charging us eighty dollars to stay at her place. Hysterical! Who the hell charges family to stay with them?

We're pulling into his parent's driveway and it doesn't look as though much has changed since Christmas. Caine parks and we both get out at the same time. I meet him in front of the car. He grabs my hand and pulls it to his lips. I start to worry again about our sleeping arrangements tonight, as I'm holding onto the little restraint I have left with a thin thread. The sexual tension between us is almost unbearable. I just need to keep reminding myself that he cheated on me and maybe I will get through this with my dignity intact. Maybe.

Caine's mom comes barreling out the front door to hug her son. Nice, she completely disregards me. Once he pulls away from his mom's hug, he turns to me, "Mom, you remember Lacey."

"Oh yes, I remember." Excuse me? "Hello Lacey," she replies dryly, barely making eye contact. Bitch!

"Caine, come inside; you have a couple people waiting to see you. Did you eat dinner?" she asks him, completely ignoring me.

"No, Lacey and I haven't eaten dinner," Caine tries to include me in the conversation. "We were thinking of getting a quick bite after we unload our stuff at Sam's." He tries to dismiss his mother's lack of social skills.

"Oh, okay. If that's what you want," she says. What he wants? As if lady! I can see she senses something not too pretty going on between Caine and me. It's more than the pregnancy, I'm sure of it. I wonder if Caine can feel it too. This woman could be Cruella De Vil's twin and partner in crime.

"Mom, we were hoping we could talk to you and Richard before we head over to Sam's. We're both tired and would like to unwind," he throws out.

"Sure honey, but it wasn't too long of a flight from Maryland. Why do you need to unwind?" she asks, taking a quick moment to look at me. Bitch!

"I've been working a lot of hours this past week and I'm tired; not to mention, Lacey has a lot going on, too."

"Sure thing, honey. Let's go inside and catch up." She leads us into her home. I'm getting sick to my stomach, waiting for the other shoe to drop, because I know Caine's mom is going to flip. I don't think this stress is good for the baby, so maybe I can escape future torment using the baby as an excuse. Oh bad mommy, Lacey. I gasp at the word... Mommy. I haven't even thought of myself becoming the word 'mommy'. Oh my God!

"Hey Caine," his stepdad, Richard and brother, Edward, greet him with me right behind. "Hello there Lacey, it's great to see you again," they say almost in unison. I blush, turning towards Caine, and catch his mom rolling her eyes. What the hell? "Sit, you two must be tired from the trip." Richard smiles. He has always been nice to me, but I get the distinct feeling what you see is maybe not the truth. He is extremely religious and even wears a large cross and beads around his neck. I hope he practices what he preaches. I cannot stand people who claim to be all holy and don't act accordingly. It pisses me off.

"We're good. We wanted to stop by and see you guys before we go to Sam's tonight, and we kind of have some news to share," Caine says, giving me heartburn.

Julie raises her eyebrows. Ugh, I don't like her. "What is it that you would like to share Caine?" she asks.

Caine looks over at me and grabs my hand, squeezing it for reassurance. "Well, um. Lacey and I wanted to tell you that um, we're um, pregnant." He finally got the words out. The table goes silent.

Julie, of course, disrupts the silence first. "Caine, are you sure it's yours?" OH. MY. FUCKING. GOD... sorry God! I see red. What am I, a tramp? I never cheated on him. The nerve of her!

"Mom!" Caine shouts. "Of course it's mine. Lacey isn't like that!" He pauses, gathering his thoughts. "I think you owe her an apology," Caine insists. I sink further into my chair from the shock of her words. Julie's eyes grow wide at her son's temper turned towards her. Richard and Edward are silent, afraid to say anything. I can't blame them because I don't want to say anything either. Thank God, we aren't staying here; I would be running to the airport if that were the case. I look down at my pretty sundress and play with the hem, waiting for this to be over.

"Caine, do not raise your voice to me in my house, son," Julie responds, making me sicker to my stomach. "Lacey, I would like to ask you the same question. Is this child Caine's?" She waits for me to deny it. She eagerly waits for me to free her son from such a ginormous obligation.

Fuck that. "Yes, Julie. The baby is his. For your information, Caine has been the one and only man I have ever slept with," I retort, hoping she hears the underlying message. Tramp.

"Lacey, I think it's time for us to go." Caine stands, bringing me to my feet. He nods to his stepdad and Edward before grabbing my hand to lead me to the car. "Maybe we'll see you guys tomorrow," he says over his shoulder as we walk out.

"Caine! Wait Caine," his mom pleads.

"No mom. I won't have you talking that way to Lacey. I don't know what stunt you are trying to pull, but she isn't like that. Lacey has never once been unfaithful. If you want to know what is going on between us, I'm the one to blame. I was stupid and cheated on her. She never did anything wrong. I am doing everything I can to help save our relationship," he shouts. Oh WOW! I guess he sensed it, too.

"Well, if you cheated on her, maybe there is a reason why you did such a thing, sweetie," she says innocently.

Oh, I have had my fill of this lady and something snaps inside me. "Julie, I'm doing everything I can to be respectful of you in your home, but I refuse to let you compare me with yourself. I'm not you. I didn't whore around from guy to guy." I bring one finger to my mouth and tap as if I'm trying to think. "Let's see, what number marriage are you on?" Julie takes a long stride towards me and slaps me across the face. Fuck, that stings! Caine rushes to stand between us. I cannot believe she just slapped me.

"Mom, we're going. Let's all cool off and maybe talk tomorrow." Caine ushers me into the car with his mother muttering something. I'm trying my hardest to ignore it. Caine's mother is an alcoholic. She spends most days coping with a bottle in her hand. She wasn't the best mother to Caine or his brother and sister. I pray I'm nothing like her. I don't think I will be because the mom who raised me is nothing like Julie. Oh no, my mom is going to flip if she finds out that Julie slapped me. And then it dawns on me. Caine didn't really stick up for me when we were inside. Is he mad with the way I spoke to his mom?

I can hear Caine say something to his mom as he walks around the back of the car. I can't make out what his words from the muffled sounds, but honestly, I don't care, because I'm so ready to go home now. He slides in his seat, starts the car, and looks over at me with sad eyes. "Lacey, I'm sorry my mom did that. I wish you wouldn't have egged her on like that though. Did you really have to say those things?" he asks. Seriously Caine? This entire trip is becoming more of a clusterfuck by the moment and I'm already wishing it were over.

I look at him in shock, thinking he couldn't have just spoken those words. "Caine, I'm sorry if you aren't happy with the way I spoke to your mom, but she needed to be put in her place. You had already told her I don't sleep around and she continued to press the issue. I'm sorry if it hurt your feelings, but I'm not sorry for what I said to her. The way she treated me tonight was uncalled for. My parents would never treat you that way," I rant, turning my head to look out the window. We are driving along a stretch of beach. I miss walking along the shoreline. Having grown up near the beach, I always enjoyed listening to the tide bringing the water to greet and tickle my feet, only to pull away as if playing a game. It's very soothing, and at the moment, I am missing how it allows me the opportunity to think without the chaos of others thoughts, pressures, and expectations.

About ten minutes later, we are pulling up to an apartment complex. "This is where Sam lives," he tells me. "If you're hungry, we can walk over to the strip and get something to eat after I put our bags away."

"Sure, that's fine," I answer, emotionally exhausted.

"Lacey, please baby." He turns to me. "I'm sorry about my mom. I love you. Let me try to make you feel better," he begs and I nod, too tired to do anything else. Caine steps out of the car and grabs our bags. I follow him up the stairs to Sam's third floor apartment. We knock, and within seconds, Sam opens the door pulling Caine and me into a hug. Well, at least one family member doesn't mind being around me.

"I'm so glad you guys are here!" she screeches. Oh my, it's a mini Becca. I wish she were here with us. She would have hit Julie with her verbal Becc-lish language, slapping her into next year. The thought makes me smile. Shit, I'm going to hell.

We step out for a bite to eat, catching up with Sam. I like her; she has a great personality and speaks animatedly. "So, big brother, how's life going in Maryland?" she asks, taking a large bite of her burger. Oh how I wish I could eat like that and keep my figure. Shit, she doesn't know I'm pregnant. I am praying she doesn't react the same way as her mother. Oh my God, I still cannot believe that woman slapped me!

"It's been good." He looks over at me as if asking permission. I give him a slight smile. What the hell are we going to do? Wait for his mother to inform the universe that I'm pregnant and did it on purpose? Oh, and it might not be his child. Bitch! "Lacey and I would like to tell you something."

"What, are you guys getting married?" she asked a little too excited for my mood.

"Um, well, not exactly, at least not yet." He turns to me again as if placing the blame on me for us not getting married. Watch it buddy! "We're pregnant and I'm trying to talk Lacey into marrying me so that I can take care of her and our baby," he tells her, never returning his gaze to his sister.

Sam whistles. "Did you tell mom?" I nod.

Caine says, "Yeah, she didn't take it that well."

"She can be such a bitch sometimes. Lacey, don't worry, honey. She was probably drunk and wasn't thinking clearly." Sam tries to comfort me. Drunk... thinking clearly... OH. MY. GOD! Isn't that what Caine did to me? Please God, do not let him be like his mother!

I give Sam a small smile. "I don't know if she was drunk or not, but she did slap me because I wouldn't let her keep talking down to me. Caine didn't seem to be able put an end to it."

"Bro, you need to cut the crap. You cannot fix mom; she's been like this for as long as you've been alive. She's going to continue to drink and do the stupidest ass things. Stop being a mama's boy, Caine. Look after Lacey and forget mom. Edward and I are here and will keep an eye on things," Sam shouts at Caine and her admission stuns me. Caine, a mama's boy? Fuck!

"Sam!" Caine shouts cutting her off from saying more; and then shakes his head as if in defeat. Sam moves on to talk about the bridal shower and the details with the wedding. We talk for about thirty more minutes and walk back to the apartment. I say goodnight to both of them, thinking Caine wants to catch up some more with Sam. Grabbing my sleepwear and toiletries bag, I walk into the adjoining bathroom. Setting my things on the counter, I start going over Julie's reaction. I make a silent pact with myself to never allow that woman to slap me again.

I'm in the middle of changing into my pajamas and feeling a little uneasy about the sleeping arrangements. I brush my teeth, clean my face, and pick up the clothes I tossed on the floor. Placing my hand on the doorknob, I take a deep breath hoping I'll have the strength to resist Caine if he tries anything.

I walk into the bedroom and... Fuck me! Caine has removed his shirt, revealing the gorgeous abs that I once enjoyed running my fingers over. He looks up. "Here, you can take the bed. I'll sleep on the floor." Caine moves to give me room, never taking his eyes off me in my sleepwear.

"Oh okay. Thanks," I reply, telling my heartbeat to slow down. I pull the covers back and climb in the bed. Caine helps grab the edge of the sheet to assist in tucking me in. The gesture is nice. Our fingers brush, sending flames through my body.

"Oh, sorry," he says embarrassed. "Good night Lacey." Leaning in, he kisses my cheek, but lingers, and it is in this moment that I turn my head seeking his lips. Caine eagerly caresses my lips before taking my mouth prisoner. Bringing his hand to my hair, he shifts his weight so that he's over me. His other hand rests on the bed above my head while we kiss ourselves into oblivion. His hand trails down my cheek, neck, and the top of my shoulder before moving to my back, giving him the opportunity to pull our bodies together. My arms move with a mind of their own, rubbing the smooth flesh of his back. Caine settles me on the bed, pushing his excitement into me and begins to rock. He takes his other hand to slide the strap of my nightgown down, exposing my shoulder, and raining kisses along the way. Oh God, I've missed his touch, his lips, and the way he loves my body. He pulls away and looks me in the eyes, "I'm sorry, Lacey. I promised I wouldn't pressure you and here I am getting carried away. I just love you so much, baby."

I take a large breath as anticipation roars our feelings to life and my vision blurs from unshed tears. "Caine," I pause, praying I'm making the right decision. "Please don't stop."

His eyes are searching mine, being careful to take his time. He knows how fragile my emotions are right now. He whispers, "I love you so much, Lacey," again before he claims my mouth. He pulls me up to peel my top off, before gently laying me back down on the bed, leaving me in only my panties. He is straddling my body, staring at it. He slowly descends to my mouth, tenderly kissing me, before he moves his lips to my jaw, and then delicately nipping down my neck to attend to my breasts. He covers one, sucking, while his hand works the other that's feeling neglected. Attentively moving to the other breast, he fulfills its need, thereby increasing the desire in the pit of my stomach. He continues to move south, gently sliding my panties down. OMG! Caine cautiously pushes my legs apart and I'm instantly defenseless. His licks are slow, with his fingers searching for the spot in a 'come hither' motion. "God dammit Lacey, you are fucking soaked." His words send me over the edge, and he licks and sucks my spasms. He puts his hand over my mouth, trying to silence my cries. I'm not aware of the noises that I'm making in the throes of passion, and pray that his sister doesn't hear us. I cannot deny this man because I love him and need this connection with him after all we've gone through the past two weeks.

He plants kisses on the inside of my thighs and begins to make his way up my body, fully aware of how it's responding to his touch. He takes my mouth, allowing me to taste myself, where it ignites a new wave of passion. My hands reach down to remove the threads separating our final union only to find they're gone. When did he remove his boxers? Caine slowly guides himself inside as if savoring every inch. He kisses me hard and begins to rock in and out, replicating the movement with his tongue. I am barely holding on as I unexpectedly explode into ecstasy. Caine increases his speed, slamming as deep as he can until he finally explodes, heating my core with our juices dancing together. He stays inside of me as he continues to kiss me passionately for a while until we are both panting, not just from our movements, but also from the emotions between us. He rolls over, bringing me with him, to cuddle and embrace the love we have for each other. We are both quiet as sleep overtakes us.

# CHAPTER TWELVE

Beginnings

Yesterday I helped Sam and her best friend Bridgette, who is hosting the bridal shower, around the house getting favors, games, and such ready for today. It was fun sharing stories about Caine with her. I learned a lot of things about his childhood and all of the places they lived growing up.

We had just finished setting out the last of the refreshments and snacks when the guests start arriving. Caine sticks close to me throughout the party and introduces me to so many people that I'll never remember their names. I just reply with 'yes ma'am or no ma'am'; that way I don't offend anyone. My favorite guest of the day is Grandma Pain, as she is referred to. She is a firecracker and does not act her age one bit. I really like her and she seemed to keep me preoccupied from Julie's wrath. Grandma Pain is Julie's mother and apparently doesn't care too much for her daughter. Interesting!

I was laughing with a group of girls that Sam went to high school with when I accidentally looked over at Julie. She was sneering with hate pouring out of her eyes while drinking a glass of orange juice. I don't understand why she hates me and I wonder what else is in that glass. Grandma Pain taps my arm, pulling me away from my thoughts. "Lacey dear, you need to just ignore that old geezer. She's not going to be nice no matter how hard you try. Trust me; I gave up decades ago. I don't know what the hell her problem is. I didn't raise her to act this way. I like you and I'm usually correct about my first impressions of people. By the way, I want to congratulate you on the little bundle in there." She glances down at my stomach. "I can't wait to meet my great-grandchild. Promise me one thing; that no matter what your relationship is with Mrs. Bitch over there, I can still be a part of my baby in there." Her baby? I see her snicker and realize she's pulling my leg.

"Of course you will. I wouldn't dream of keeping him or her from you." She pulls me into a bear hug. Holy cow, she's squeezing all of the oxygen out of me.

She pulls back, looking me square in the eyes and says, "Best if you keep that little munchkin away from her too. She'll turn it to stone when you're not looking!" I stared at Grandma Pain in shock, while she fixes a plate full of desserts. For heaven's sake, she is sampling everything. How does she keep a figure like that? She turns towards me, and I realize that I forgot I was staring. "What? That woman is all kinds of evil." She shrugs her shoulders. I'm too perplexed to speak so I just smile. Yes, Grandma Pain is a good lady. We're going to get along just fine. When we were hugging goodbye, she whispered, "If it's a girl, can we name her Grandma Pain?" We laugh together.

After the shower, I help clean up, and finally fall onto the sofa in exhaustion. Caine sits next to me. "You okay baby?" he asks.

"Yeah, I'm just tired. By the way, I love Grandma Pain! You'll have to give me her phone number so I can stay in touch with her. What do you think about flying her up to Maryland after the baby's born?"

"We'll see. She is awesome though, and I knew you'd like her. My mom gave her that nickname and from what I hear, Grandma Pain thinks it's an honor." He chuckles. "She reminds me a lot of you." You can see the pride that he holds for his grandmother. It's something I haven't seen in his eyes before and is very sweet. "So, do you think you'll be up to the waterpark tomorrow?"

"They have a lazy river, right?" I smile.

"Oh yes, and I will gladly lie next to you as we drift throughout the park," he tells me, kissing my nose. I'm so content right now. No, I think the word is happy.

Two days later, we sit on the beach watching the sunset in a secluded area. We are packed and ready to leave early in the morning, as our flight takes off at ten. Caine and I snuggle on a blanket with no one around. It's absolutely breathtaking. I miss watching the sunsets on the gulf. The sun is huge at the moment, and it begins to tickle the water's edge over the horizon. There are a few puffy clouds with light peeking around them as the sun's glow creates this magnificent calming view. As it descends, it reminds me of a grand orchestra gently ending an intense song that quietly sings chords of hope for the next day. Caine turns and kisses me on my cheek. "I love you."

"I love you too," I reply, turning to face him. In the same moment, he moves to kneel in front of me on the sand. The scene before me is a masterpiece to witness; the golden glow of the sunset filling the sky and the reflection on the water magnifies his silhouette.

"Lacey, I love you and I want to spend the rest of my life with you and our baby. I think getting pregnant was a sign from God that we are meant to be together. Maybe it's not the ideal time for us to have a child because we are so young, but I wouldn't change it for the world. I love you so much. Will you marry me?" Caine pulls out a ring from his pocket and I gasp. I was not expecting this. The thought never occurred to me that he would propose. He runs his thumb along my cheek to wipe away the tears escaping my filled eyes. "I hope those are happy tears."

"Yes, Caine." I nod. "Yes, they are happy tears; and yes, I will marry you." Now it's my turn to wipe my cheeks. Caine grabs my left hand and slips the ring on. Wow, it fits. "How did you know?"

He shrugs. "I have my ways." And then he smirks, before moving towards me to seal his lips on mine. He gently pushes us back so that he is lying on top of me as we continue to kiss. Caine pulls his lips away from mine to look into my eyes. The soft gentle breeze has little wisps of my hair sweeping across my face. He takes the strands and puts them behind my ear. His thumb traces my forehead down the side of my face, jaw and down my neck. Caine's eyes twinkle as the sun bids its farewell, and then they find mine. We stare at each other engrossed in this intimate moment. "I love you Lacey. I love you so fucking much." And then his lips are on mine again.

We made love on the beach and it was incredible. He wrapped us in the blanket afterwards, and we just stared up at the night sky as we thought about our future. It was gorgeous, and I wish now that we didn't have to leave tomorrow. We cuddled for a long time before we decided it was time to get dressed and go back to Sam's.

~*~*~

A few days later, we are back in Maryland sitting in the hallway of the county Courthouse waiting to apply for a marriage license. Caine is taking his lunch break to come with me. "Caine, remember my parents want you to come over tonight to talk."

"I know and I'll be there around seven-thirty. I need to tie up a couple things after work and then I'll be over."

"Okay." He puts his arm around me and kisses my forehead.

Caine and I left the courthouse after they told us we could come back in five days to tie the knot. He kisses me goodbye on the cheek before getting in his car to drive back to work. That was weird; he didn't open the door to my car as he's always done in the past. Not that he has to open my door every time, but he's just always been a gentleman. I shrug it off and return to the store in Elkridge. Mom and dad do not know Caine proposed to me the other night. I wanted to wait until we talk tonight and I think I'm also a little scared about the whole thing. So much has happened in the past month. I called Becca the day we returned and told her. Let's just say, I don't want to relive that conversation.

It's seven forty-five when the doorbell rings. "I'll get it," I yell, knowing its Caine.

"Hey baby," He drawls out as he pulls me into a hug. Oh, this feels nice. "Sorry I'm a little late." He gives me a quick kiss and then whispers in my ear. "I was thinking on my way over here that we should start looking at apartments as soon as possible. I don't like having to spend the night away from the future Mrs. Caine Rogers."

"Shh, we still need to tell my parents. It sucks to hide the ring you gave me. But after your little chat with them, there will be no more secrets." Caine chuckles as he walks into the kitchen to greet my parents.

"Hi Caine," Mom says, embracing him in a hug.

"Mrs. Edwards, something smells really good." Oh, Caine is buttering her up.

Dad walks into the kitchen. "Caine," he says, nodding his head as a greeting.

"Sir," Caine replies. This is their standard introduction.

"Go have a seat; everything is about ready," Mom tells us, motioning over to the dinner table. Caine grabs my hand and leads me over, pulling my chair out for me. Oh, my gentleman is back. I smile to myself.

Mom begins to bring dishes out and I feel awkward not helping her, but dad seems to be assisting her this evening. They sit, and after we bow our heads saying grace, we begin to pass the food around. "Caine, I want to thank you for taking the time to meet with us tonight. We are fortunate that Lane was available to cover the store this evening for us. Alexa, I mean Mrs. Edwards, and I both feel it's important that we discuss your intent with our daughter and the baby." Dad pauses, allowing Caine to chime in.

"Mr. Edwards, I would be more than happy to share with you the fact that I proposed to Lacey the other night and she accepted my proposal. We went to the Courthouse this afternoon and applied for a marriage license, and we can get married as early as five days from now." Mom claps her hands together excitedly. I knew she would be an easy sell. Dad eyes Caine.

"Caine, it would have been nice for you to ask me for Lacey's hand before you proposed. I understand this situation is not conventional, and I will allow it to slide, but in the future you are to respect our family values," Dad chastised him. "But, I will also congratulate both of you, and I appreciate you stepping up to the plate to care for Lacey and the baby."

"Yes sir, thank you. I will take very good care of her and the baby. Once we have our marriage license, I want to get her a military ID card and do whatever is needed to get her in to see a doctor."

Well that freaking settles it. I can see the content in dad's eyes. "Thank you, Caine."

We finish supper talking about our trip, and about how Caine proposed. Mom was almost in tears. I know she misses the beaches as much as I do and possibly even more. Mom grew up on the gulf and her love for the water flows through her veins. I know she couldn't think of a better place for him to propose. We usually travel at least once a year to visit family, but with her neck pain and now migraines, we weren't able to go this year. I know she is looking forward to her surgery in the fall.

~*~*~

The next few days go by fast. Becca is on her way over to help me find a dress for the marriage ceremony. I walk out into the family room to wait when the front door opens and Becca steps in. "Hello, love. Are you ready to go find this dress you want?" Becca asks, bothered that she has to participate. She is still not happy with me marrying Caine. She's skeptical of his character, since the whole cheating thing blew up. Becca says she'll try for my sake though. Maybe her coming along dress shopping is her way of trying. God help me if it is.

"Yeah let's go now, because I need to get back for work tonight. I'm looking for something simple that I might be able to wear again," I tell her

"Okay then, I think we should get you a black dress."

"Becca!" I shout at her.

"What? You know plenty of women who aren't married and have babies. You don't have a 'wed-by-date' on you. I don't see the rush, that's all," Becca confesses.

"I get it, honestly I do. But I don't know what other options I have out there. My head feels cluttered with everything going on and I have no idea what to do, other than marry Caine so that I can see a doctor. I just don't know what else to do Becca; everything is happening so fast. I love him and I would love for us to live happily ever after and I pray that will happen." I try to convey how scared I am.

"Lacey, do you know what a wed-ding is? It's when two ding-a-lings get married. That's what you guys are. I don't know how you can trust Caine. His word means nothing where I'm concerned. How can you just forgive him so easily?"

"I'm marrying Caine and that's final. I don't want to talk about anything else, Becca, unless it has to do with the dress I'm wearing. And no, I'm not getting a black dress," I tell her with a heavy stare.

"Okay, okay, okay. Don't hurt me girl! I just have one more thing to say; love is nature's way of bamboozling us into breeding." She covers her mouth with her hands, trying to hide her laugh.

"Oh my God, Becca! Where the hell do you come up with this shit?" I shake my head. "Forget it, let's go find a dress."

~*~*~

A week later, I am standing in front of the mirror in my bedroom. I'm married. I don't look any different, but for heaven's sake, I'm married and scared shitless. I hope I didn't make the biggest mistake of my life. Becca went as our witness, practically kicking and screaming like a freaking four-year-old. I wore a simple white dress, praying God would forgive me for wearing white. The dress is casual enough that I will be able to wear it again after I have the baby.

Caine has been incessant on finding an apartment since we got back last week. He finally found one yesterday and I went with him to check it out. It's cute and we can move in on August first. The apartment is close to the base and only ten minutes from my parents. I'm relieved they won't be far away with the baby coming. Apparently, there are hoops you have to go through with the military to get a housing allowance. I have no idea what any of it means. I'll leave that to Caine to handle.

As I look over myself, I notice that my stomach hasn't gotten bigger, but my breasts are growing and tender as all get out. Last night, Caine went out with the guys to celebrate finding an apartment and came back to my parents trashed. He tried to have sex with me, but I refused because he was being too rough and was hurting me, my breasts mostly. He was mean to me when I stopped his advances, but he finally passed out while trying. I don't know why he went out celebrating with the guys since it's Caine and me moving into the apartment. Oh well, maybe he just needs to get it out of his system.

~*~*~

The past month has flown by as I pack, getting ready to move into our apartment. Mom and Lane threw us a bridal shower and I received so many things I didn't realize we needed. I haven't seen much of Caine. He goes out with the guys whenever he isn't working and usually calls me trashed. He's been drinking a lot since we returned from Florida. I hope he isn't planning to continue this behavior once we move in together.

Caine shared the news with his mom and stepdad about our nuptials and his mother is still determined to believe I trapped him into this marriage. Fucking mother-in-law from hell! Grandma Pain was so happy for us and that just made my heart swell. Not only because of her approval, but the fact she was happy and her daughter wasn't. She made sure to tell us how much she brags about me in front of Julie. I can't help but laugh at Grandma Pain's pure determination to make her daughter's life hell, because she's mean to me. Caine rolls his eyes.

Our relationship is going okay. I've been spending a lot of time with Becca, Lane, or at one of the stores working. Becca has needed to come to the boys' rescue a number of times, when they were too wasted to drive home. Caine and I haven't spent as much time together as we used to, but he's also busy at work. Apparently, there have been some changes in his department and he has to work longer hours since an inspection is scheduled in the near future. But, when we are together and he hasn't been drinking, it's absolutely wonderful. I cannot believe I ever thought of leaving him. He has been working overtime on our relationship when he's around, just as he said he would.

Boxes clutter my room as I pack. Cinnamon is helping me by devouring his chew toy in the middle of my mess. Tomorrow, Caine and I will be moving in together. He seems determined to take care of me. I'm nervous about leaving the comfort of my parents' home and what lies ahead in the future for the baby and me. This is all happening so fast. I had my first check up last week, and the baby and I are doing great. The doctor did an internal sonogram. That scared the bejesus out of me. You want to put that where? I was shocked when they told me the baby is due on January ninth. That's five months from now. I didn't realize I could be that far along. I receive a prescription for prenatal vitamins, and a list of do's and don'ts during pregnancy. I also purchase What to Expect When You're Expecting and began reading it like it's the Bible. I want to ensure that I'm doing everything correct, like quit smoking. I pray there are no harmful effects from the occasional cigarette I had before I found out.

My phone rings and I see its Caine. "Hello?"

"Hey baby. How are you doing?" His deep voice is happy and I wonder if he is planning to come over to help tonight.

"I'm okay, just tired from packing. How are you?"

"Good. I just called to tell you I'm going out with the guys tonight, in case you call and I don't answer." He shuts that thought down.

"Oh, okay," I say a little sad, realizing how much I miss going clubbing. I can't be sad; I gave up that life to embrace the treasure growing inside of me.

"We're going to the Cellar in College Park," he tells me, then let's me know that he'll call me in the morning before he hangs up. I know he likes to party and he is really trying this whole committed relationship thing, but it just hurts how inconsiderate he can be of my feelings. I wonder if he thinks about that.

I sit on the floor against my dresser, looking over the pile of boxes and stuff I have left to pack, unsure whether or not Caine has packed up his room. Cinnamon walks over to lie against my side, as if he knows I need a little extra comfort. I scratch behind his ears and tell him how good he is and that I love him. I guess I'll find out tomorrow if Caine is packed. I wonder if Becca will be at the Cellar tonight. I send her a quick text and get back to packing for a little while longer before I finally head to bed, exhausted from the brown boxes. It's funny how the smallest things leave me feeling tired now.

I wake up to mom singing. Oh for heaven's sake. She's excited to help me move into my first home away from home. She leaves me notes everywhere when she remembers something else I'll need when moving out on my own. Or better, she'll already make the purchase, wrap it up, and place it on my bed, waiting for me to be surprised. I don't know what I would do without her. I grab my phone to check for messages. Caine hasn't called me yet. There are four texts from Becca and a voicemail. Hmm, I wonder what got up her ass to send me so many messages. I throw back the covers and rush to the bathroom. Mornings are not my friend lately. I wash up and listen to the voicemail first. It's loud as snot, and I cannot understand her from the music playing in the background. I bet she saw Caine. That would have been cool. Her text messages just asked me to call her ASAP. I look over at the clock; there is no way in hell that girl is awake yet if she went out last night. I'll call her later.

Mom and I drive over to the apartment with a few boxes that would fit in my car. Caine will have to bring one of his buddy's trucks by the house to pick up the rest of my things. We pull up and find Caine busy unloading. He spots my mom and his face falls. What the hell?

"Hey Caine," I say, spotting his friends helping. "Hey there guys. Thanks for helping us today."

"Hey baby. What the hell is your mom doing here?" he asks, watching mom and then pulling me in for a hug. "And. What. The. Fuck. is that thing doing here, Lacey?" he asks, pulling away to search my face for answers.

"Um... er... Is there a problem with her helping me set up the kitchen?" I sheepishly avoid the real question.

"Yeah, I don't want her telling me what to do in my own home. And you know we can't have a damn dog in this place. Why the hell did you say he could come?" he utters quietly, watching mom walk up the sidewalk.

"Hi Caine. How is moving coming along?" Mom asks, genuinely interested.

"Good." He turns swiftly, walking back into the house and leaving me in the wake of his outrage. I don't understand what the hell that was about. I turn to my mom and give her an apologetic smile and Cinnamon a love pat on his head. Screw that asshole! I want her here. Moms are supposed to be part of this process. I know I will want to do it for my children one day. Children... let's not get ahead of ourselves Lacey, one child at a time.

Caine and I buy dinner and drinks for the guys as a thank you for helping with the move. I like Caine's friends and I appreciate everything they are doing to help us. They saved me from a terrible backache. Caine decides to wait until tomorrow to pick up the rest of my things. The guys have been drinking throughout the day. They're pretty wasted by late afternoon, so driving is not an option. I am exhausted by dinnertime anyway. Mom left moments before the guys sat down to eat because Caine didn't order anything for her. His behavior today floors me because it's almost as if he's turning into a different person. He was mean and made rude comments to my mom all afternoon. Caine gave me the cold shoulder for the first hour after we arrived because I let mom bring Cinnamon. I didn't think it was a big deal. He's a poodle and doesn't really shed. Our lease says no dogs but he isn't living here. I know mom was nervous leaving Cinnamon home alone because dad was working in Baltimore until closing.

I'm upstairs putting a few clothes away when Caine appears. "What the hell Lacey? You know we can't have any pets. Your whole family dotes on that dog too much; he's just a fucking dog, not a child." Seriously?

"Caine, I'm sorry. No one was going to be home and I was worried..."

"Save it. I don't give a shit what you thought about that dog. He isn't our dog, so he doesn't come over ever again. Do you hear me? Never!" I sat in silence wondering if I've just entered the twilight zone. He has never spoken to me this way. What the hell happened? I know he is stressing, but this behavior would have been a deal breaker for me before. Now that I've married him and moved in, I feel there is no other option but pray that he wakes up normal tomorrow.

He turns to walk out, and then stops himself. "Oh, my parents are coming up tomorrow and staying with us for the night. They are on their way to New York and want to see me."

"Caine, we just moved in. We aren't ready for company." The apartment is a complete and utter mess and he wants me to put up with his mom? And they want to see him? What about me? Holy shit!

"Don't worry; they're going to help us unpack," he says sarcastically, taking the steps downstairs. OMG! I quickly get myself together and ready for bed. Maybe we are tired and lashing out at each other because of it. Dammit, I was so busy today that I forgot to call Becca. I fall asleep before he makes it up to bed. Our first night in our home together and he doesn't come to bed with me.

# CHAPTER THIRTEEN

Playing House

When I first introduced Caine to my mom, he was completely honest about his mother being an alcoholic. He didn't hide it. Caine didn't have the best childhood. Julie is on her third marriage. The first marriage was a result of her being pregnant with Caine. His father was abusive, both physically and verbally. His mom left his father soon after his sister, Sam, was born, but not until after Caine witnessed and endured the abusive relationship himself. Caine told me that his father had little to no contact with him growing up. Julie then went onto marriage number two and that marriage didn't last very long. She picked another gem that was physically abusive to her. She began drinking more and more as a way to cope. After leaving that marriage, she was so inebriated half the time that her children practically raised themselves. Caine told me about his mom trying to kill herself one time. She was so intoxicated that when she pulled the trigger on the handgun, it missed her and stopped just shy of Caine's head, landing in his headboard.

A few years later, Julie was reborn and married a religious man named Richard. They had a child together, Edward. Caine's stepfather reminds me of a holy roller. Like one found in a tent somewhere selling people bullshit about God healing them by the touch of a hand. I can see him screaming some Bible thumping verbiages and slapping you down. You'd lose your balance, fall back on your rear with a shocked face and be saved by the Holy Spirit. Uh, I don't think so! Don't get me wrong. I am Catholic and I make most of my religious obligations, but I cannot subject my baby to these Tammy Faye and Jim Bakker wanna-be's. God help me!

Richard has been nothing but nice to me and I shouldn't be thinking of him this way. It's hard not to wonder what possessed a man like him to marry such a witch. Has Julie ever worried about being accused of witchcraft and burned at the stake?

I don't have, nor do I want, a good relationship with Julie. I ground my teeth so much last night anticipating their arrival that I gave myself a headache. Caine yells up that they're here. I take a deep breath and walk away from the unpacking I was trying to accomplish to greet my nightmare.

"Hi sweetie! How are we doing?" Richard asks, glancing down at my little bump. I'm wearing a soft blue sundress, and it easily disguises my growing stomach.

I smile, rubbing my hand over my baby bump. "Good. How was the drive? It looks like you made good time," I tell him as he hugs me.

"Yeah, it was long and tiring, but it's over, thank goodness." Pulling away from him and looking over, I see Julie walking up with Caine's arm around her shoulder.

"Hi Julie," I say as politely as possible. The bitch only nods while eyeballing my baby bump, and I want to roll my eyes.

"Humph," she sounds and stops in front of me, looking between my eyes and my belly. "Are you sure that's Caine's?" Her eyebrows raised, she questions me once again, and my legs almost give out on me. Honestly, I'm getting tired of it.

"Mom!" Caine shouts, looking between his mom and me. What the hell?

"Don't worry Caine; you and I know the truth. This the baby is yours; and we are the only ones it truly matters to." Caine gives me a dirty look, turning to gather drinks for them. What did I miss here?

I cower on the sofa, not wanting to get into it with Caine in front of his mom and stepdad. I'll save it for tomorrow when they leave. We sit around catching up on the past month and a half and about the baby. Julie is extremely uncomfortable whenever we speak about the due date and such. I don't know what her problem is with Caine accepting responsibility for his child. I didn't fuck myself and he promised he would take care of us. He begged me for another chance. And where the hell did that guy go? He had better get his ass back here soon or he's going to find himself in this house all alone.

We take Julie and Richard out to dinner. I am happy with the distraction of the restaurant. I am conscious about following the conversations, but I don't feel the need to speak much. We go home afterwards and play a game of cards. I retreat to bed, exhausted from the weekend. His parents leave first thing in the morning and relief finally comes over me. Of all that is holy, thank you for sending his mom on her way out the door. She couldn't leave fast enough in my mind.

Becca texted me again this afternoon, saying we need to talk. I call her once I get to work. She answers on the second ring. "Lacey?!"

"Ah, yeah, are you okay?" I wonder what the panic is all about.

"Bitch, I've been trying to reach you since the other night. Did you get my message?" I laugh, remembering how I could only make out the song playing and a few muffled voices.

"I couldn't hear a damn thing over the music," I say amused.

"Oh shit! I'm sorry for the loudness war. I went to The Cellar after I got your text, figuring I would hook up with Lucas. I found the guys and..." she stops.

"Okay, you found the guys. That's cool, unless something happened between you and Lucas." I begin to worry I've neglected my friend.

"No, no Lacey, please listen to everything I tell you before you go assuming shit." She groans. "I found the guys and began dancing with them. Lucas and Caine sandwiched me for a while until Lucas needed to use the boys' room. It was fine until Lucas left."

"Ah-huh," I prompt her to continue.

"When Lucas left to go to the bathroom, Caine grabbed my hips bringing me closer to him. I tried to pull away. I swear I did, but before I knew it, the bastard's lips were on mine and he was trying to make it kissalicious. It was a fucking brash move for the pig."

"What? Are you serious?" I yell, forgetting I'm at work. "Unfuckingbelievable!" I mutter quietly, with shock settling into my chest.

"I'm sorry, love. I don't want to upset you, but you need to know. He was acting weird all night before this stunt. Afterwards, I pushed him away and walked out. Lacey, I couldn't stand to be there another minute."

"Does Lucas know?" I ask, watching customers shuffle in and out of the store, all seemingly happy and enjoying themselves.

"No, I didn't tell him. They were both drinking and I'm sure that was the root cause of the dumbass behavior. I had to tell you. I just couldn't keep something like that from you. I'm worried he isn't staying true to his promise, bestie," she cries and I can hear the sniffle in her voice. "If you want me to tell Lucas, I will. He was confused about why I left without saying goodbye, and I told him I wasn't feeling well."

"No, I understand. I'll... I don't know Becca. What the hell? Why did I take the prick back?" I ask confused.

"I don't know, love. I'm sorry. Will you call me if you talk to him? I'll even come over if you need me," she says and I assure her I'll be fine. I'm not mad at Becca. There is no way in hell she would deliberately do something like this. What the fuck? Would Caine have gone further if it were someone else? Why would he make a move on my best friend knowing how tight we are?

I'm deep in my thoughts when I feel my body catching up from doing too much with the move and work. My back is hurting and I begin having cramps. I glance at the clock as I see my sister walk into the store to relieve me. I completely lost track of time. I talk with her a little bit about the apartment. Caine is already home when I arrive and he greets me at the door. How the hell do I broach the subject about Becca? "Hey baby." He kisses me tenderly and attempts to deepen it when I flinch from a sharp pain in my side that takes my breath away.

"What the hell is wrong?" he asks pulling us to the sofa, wrapping me in a blanket and propping my feet up.

"It's nothing honey, just some cramping."

"Dammit Lacey, you're working too much and you need to speak to your parents about reducing your hours, or I will," he says angrily.

"Caine, I'm behind the counter most of the day. It's not a hard job, plus mom is getting ready to have surgery on her neck and needs my help. I've already promised them I would step up and take on more hours until she has recovered."

"That's bullshit Lacey. You're pregnant and you can't be on your feet all day. You are always sticking up for your family and doing what they want you to do. When are you going to stop putting them first?"

"Caine, I'm not putting them first. I'm also not on my feet all day and lots of women out there work harder than I do while they are pregnant. I can sit behind the counter whenever I need to. Please stop worrying about me working. The cramps are probably from all the lifting I was doing during the move and not from work. Relax honey," I say trying to tame his temper.

"Whatever," he says dismissing his anger. "Listen, Lucas and the guys are going out tonight and invited me. Are you okay if I go?" Shock is probably written all over my face. He's really going to leave while I'm cramping? Holy shit! I was not expecting this.

Exhausted from the week, I wasn't in the mood to argue so I told him it was fine. He left about an hour later. Okay, fine, go have your fun. When did I start walking on eggshells around him? Why do I, when I've worked so hard to get my dignity back after what happened with my uncle? I wake up around three in the morning when Caine finally makes it home. He pulls me towards him to snuggle and says, "I'm sorry I yelled at you earlier. You pushed my buttons and made me so angry." My breath hitches from his morphed words, and it takes me a good half hour to find solace in his arms as I drift back into slumber.

I wake up to the most annoying sound in the world – my alarm clock. I hit it several times before I finally get out of bed. By this time, Caine is practically pushing me out so I'll turn the alarm off and he can go back to sleep for another hour. What a prick!

I feel a lot better today. So far, I'm not having any cramping. I think I just needed rest to recoup from a long week. Time is flying by today. After lunch, Caine calls. "Hey baby," he says when I answer.

"Hi yourself, are you at work?" I think about whether I should talk with him about what he did the other night, but I don't think I'm ever going to be able to ask him about the Becca thing now. He's been getting so angry lately.

"Yeah I'm here. I just got off the phone with Lucas. He's invited me to a party tonight." What the hell? Is he going to be going out every night? Is he going to kiss someone like he tried with Becca? Is Caine cheating again?

"Um... I was kind of hoping we could have a night in together. We haven't been able to spend much time together and I miss you," I tell him guiltily.

"Oh baby, we can do that any night now that we live together." Rendering me speechless to argue, we hang up. I have resolved myself to spending another night alone while he goes out partying.

~*~*~

I'm on my way home from work and an accident blocking most of the highway lanes keeps me from getting home at the usual time. We've been in the apartment for about a month now and things haven't gotten better. It's nothing like I originally thought it would be moving in together. Caine is always drinking and gets mad at me over the simplest things. I've settled into the fact that I will do whatever it takes to keep the peace for the baby. Finally walking through the door just before seven, I face a very pissed off Caine. "Sorry I'm late. There was an acci–"

Caine interjects after swallowing his swig of beer. "I was hoping to spend some time with my wife before I went out tonight," he asserts with anger all over his voice. "And where the fuck is your phone?"

"Er," I pull it out of my purse and see twelve missed calls from... shit! "I must have it on silent from work. I never heard it. There was an accident, I'm sorry. Anyway, you could stay home tonight for us to spend..." He puts his hand up stopping me.

"I already talked to you about this Lacey. I'm going out with the guys and I've been sitting here waiting over an hour for you to get home." I give him a sad smile. He walks over and I hope he is going to pull me into a hug. A hug I desperately crave right now. "What the hell are you smiling about?" He slaps me across the face. Oh no, no, no. Please no!

I immediately begin to cry, as I'm unsure of anything anymore. We stare at each other until my eyes burn from the stare, and then I try to explain why I was so late. "Caine..." I try to say more, but he attempts to shut me up by putting his hand over my face. I can hardly breathe since my nose is stuffy from crying. I start to squirm, needing more air, when Caine pushes me over and slaps my rear. Hard! What the hell?

"If you are going to act like a child, I'm going to treat you like a child." He continues to spank me as if I had been a defiant tot.

Once I was able to push away from him, I said, "Do not ever lay another hand on me!" I need to go upstairs and get away from him. I lock myself in our bedroom and collapse on the bed. There is no sense in arguing because he is going to pin me as the bad guy no matter what. I can't have his friends showing up with me looking like this. Although, it probably doesn't matter because there is no way I'm leaving this room until after he's gone. Feeling exhausted from everything, I get ready for bed. I feel like I'm losing the fight I once held. Caine somehow has created this Lacey who can barely stick up for herself or is scared to. When did I allow this to happen? Oh God, he's his mother!

Lucas and the guys show up about forty-five minutes later to pick him up. They didn't bother keeping their voices down. I could hear how giddy Caine was about going out tonight and it made me uncomfortable. He probably continued drinking after I came upstairs.

Becca calls about ten minutes after the guys leave. I answer with her voice immediately pushing through the receiver.

"What up bitch?" she asks.

"Nothing, just getting ready for bed," I tell her, too tired to say much more.

"Why are you sniffling? Did you confront Caine about the other night at The Cellar?"

"No, it's fine. I've been yawning and it's making my nose run."

"Lacey, I call bullshit. What the hell happened to make you cry?" she asks worriedly.

I tell her about our argument over me getting home from work late. I didn't dare tell her about Caine slapping or spanking me. She would pull a 'Lorena Bobbitt' for sure. Plus, she doesn't need to worry about that. Her focus should be on her classwork and her relationship with Lucas. Not her fucked up friend who managed to get knocked up, married, and who now wants to leave.

"Well, I hear the guys are going out again," she's says sarcastically.

"Yeah, they left a few minutes ago. Listen, Becca, I'm really tired and just want to go to sleep. Can I call you tomorrow?" I ask.

"Sure bestie. I love you," she tells me, before hanging up.

I try to push away my insecurities about Caine's behavior. I wish I could have a do-over because I certainly wouldn't have married him. I wonder what the hell has gotten into him. He has completely changed since moving in together. I didn't ask for us to live together. Why is he acting as if I've trapped him? I wonder if he's been talking with his mother and she's feeding him baloney about our relationship; I wouldn't put it past her. Eventually, sleep overtakes me as I contemplate my relationship with Caine. I wake up around two to a noise. Thinking it's Caine, I start to drift off to sleep, before I shoot out of bed, nervous I didn't unlock the bedroom door. If he finds it locked, he might take last night's incident up a notch. Why did he hit me? I don't understand because we were only having a heated conversation, well, a one-sided conversation, and then he slaps and spanks me? Another noise startles me and I go downstairs to see if Caine is okay. Surprise, surprise. No Caine. It is our neighbors coming in from wherever they might have been this evening. I head back to bed and try to go back to sleep. I begin to worry as the clock reads three... three-thirty... four-thirty. I pray something didn't happen to him. We don't have our home phone hooked up yet, so I immediately grab my cell phone. There aren't any messages. I send him a quick text asking where he is. I contemplate going out and looking for him but worry that I will fall asleep driving. A little after five this morning, Caine walks through the door. Seriously what excuse could he have?

"Caine?" I ask groggily.

"It's me; go back to sleep baby," he says, pulling me into his arms. "Lucas wouldn't leave; that's why I'm home so late." With a deep sigh he continues. "I'm sorry for earlier. I had a bad day at work. I love you. Can we try to have a better evening tonight?" He kisses my cheek and pulls me in tighter against his body. I'm sorry. Did I miss something?

"You should've just left him with Becca. He would have been fine, since he is dating her after all, and the party was at her house." I feel his body tense behind me. I know Caine isn't telling me the truth. I worry he was with someone. He stayed at the party because someone must have sparked his interest. Someone who wasn't pregnant, who didn't tie him down, and who is all the things I'm not. For heaven's sake, why hasn't he tried to have sex with me the past couple of weeks? I thought it was the stress and now I wonder if there is someone else.

After worrying about Caine half the night, I didn't fall back asleep for a while. My alarm clock sounded. For the love of God! I need to be at work in two hours and I'm scheduled to close the store. It's going to be a long day.

I fight my heavy eyelids for most of the day. Caine comes by the store to talk to dad about some stuff. I wonder if he is sniffing around to see if I told anyone about him slapping and spanking me. About an hour later, he pulls me into a hug and asks what I am doing tonight. Hmm... Why does he want to know or why does he care? And then it dawns on me! I ask, "Caine where are you going?" Now it's all too clear.

"I had so much fun last night that I want to go out again." Wow! Another disappointment to chalk up on the 'It's a Wonderful Life' board! I guess he hasn't gotten his fun out of his system.

"Lacey, have my friends called?" Caine asks, walking back into the store after spending about an hour perusing the mall.

"If they call, I will tell you. Where is your cell phone anyway?" I respond irritated.

"It's in the car, dead. I forgot to charge it this morning and left the vehicle charger in Lucas' car." Nice! "So, do you have plans with Becca?" he asks again. Does he want to see Becca, or does he remember what he tried to do and is worried about her talking to me?

"No Caine. I'm tired and just want to get some sleep. I think we need to have a talk whenever you can find time out of your busy schedule."

"Oh okay." He knows I'm upset and holding onto a grudge from last night.

"What time are you leaving?" I ask, wondering if I'm going to get any sleep, or if I am going to be up all night worrying until he comes home.

"Um, I'm not really going anywhere. I just wanted to see how you'd react to me going out again." He smirks. Whoa... talk about cruel. Why would someone deliberately upset someone to see how she would react? This not only affects me, but our baby too.

Caine knows how much I love going out dancing. He knows it bothers me that I had to give it up. For me, the reprieve is worth it while I have the little blimp cooking inside of me. Most of my friends are partying and living the high life while I've removed myself from that scene. Getting pregnant right out of high school is hard and most definitely frowned upon. I can't stand the pity of my friends or the looks their parents give me. I know I messed up and we're now a statistic. My social circle is gone, except for Becca. Her parents, like mine, didn't like the idea of me pregnant at such a young age, but they didn't ostracize me. Becca's parents embrace it and are supportive of my decision to keep the little guy. I wonder what I could have done differently. Abortion was strictly out of the question. Did I really need to marry this man? What the hell happened to the Caine who was begging me to give him another chance? Could I have raised the baby by myself? I wish I could just run away with the baby without Caine ever knowing about him or her, but then what's done is done. There is no going back and I can't run away now. Where would I go? He would probably call the police on me for leaving with his baby. He would do it just to hurt me at this point. I can only make things better for the little one inside of me and for myself from this moment on.

I walk through the door and feel a sigh of relief; the shower and bed are calling my name. Caine follows behind me. "I'm going to get a quick shower," I tell him.

"Come here, I want to show you something first." I follow him into the kitchen where a huge bouquet of flowers sits on the counter with a note sticking out of the top. "Go ahead and read it."

"Oh my, they're beautiful." I smile, taking in the dozen different colored roses and flowers. I pull out the note, careful not to mess up the arrangement and it reads 'Lacey, I'm so sorry for the way I behaved last night. I don't want to fight with you anymore. I love you more than anything. Love always, Caine.' My eyes water from the sentiment and I tell him, "I love you too," without taking my eyes off the bouquet.

"Hey, shh... come here. Please don't cry. I want to make you happy." He kisses my forehead and pulls me into a hug. I nod into his shoulder. He rubs my back and we stand for what feels like hours with my little bump between us. Pushing his hands into my hair and pulling my head back, his lips find mine. He gently kisses me, taking his time. Moments later his lips move, searching for more access, starving for a taste, as he flicks his tongue out to request entrance along the seam. He groans. Oh God! The kiss deepens with our tongues swirling and I relax against him. He sucks on my bottom lip, igniting flames in the pit of my stomach. His hands begin to explore, sweeping me up into a generous state of happiness. Happy tears fall from my eyes as my heart begins to heal from the massive heartache that was last night. He is apologizing and is showing regret. I know he is sorry and needs me to forgive him. I raise my hands to his back to remove any shadow of distance between us. Caine pushes me against the wall, realizing my little bump is getting in the way. He grabs my hand. "Come with me." He ushers me upstairs to our room.

I restrain any thoughts of talking now for fear of ruining the moment. We will talk after this. He brings his mouth back to mine, continuing where he left off downstairs. His fingers trace my back, trailing down my sides, capturing the hem of my shirt and slowly pulling it up and over my head. Our kiss breaks for only a second, and again when his shirt follows mine on the floor. His hands cover and squeeze my breasts that are so sensitive that it almost hurts. I gasp from the onslaught of sensations. I can sense Caine is holding onto as much control as he can from releasing before me. The sounds I'm making have always had a tantalizing effect on him. His hand roams further to the waistband of my pants and he sweeps them, along with my panties, down my legs. The abrasive touch of his hands has me squirming beneath them as I step out of the material. He moves us to the edge of the bed and pushes me back. Oh dear. After removing his jeans, he pulls my legs apart and settles himself between them. I stiffen at the unexpected intrusion. "Relax Lacey. I've got you," he coos in my ear, lightly licking his way around the curve before plunging in his tongue, emitting a shiver out of me. "I love you baby." He begins to move. "Does that feel good?" he asks as he rolls and rocks his hips into me.

I nod. "I love you too. Pleeeaaase Caine," I breathlessly beg. "Please."

"What do you want baby?" he questions, knowing far too well what I want.

"You. I... waaant... yooou." I barely shout before I begin to lose control. "Oh my God! Caine!"

"That's it. Let go. I want to feel you explode around me baby." His tempo quickens. I know he's close. I grab Caine's rear and push my hips up to meet his with every thrust until he spills into me. A rasped breath leaves his mouth as he reaches his ultimate satisfaction. "Hmmm. Awe, fuck Lacey. Fuck that feels good." He kisses me sweetly, while milking himself of every last drop.

# CHAPTER FOURTEEN

Revelations

With every day that goes by, Caine's behavior continues to be troublesome. I notice he is drinking more at home. When I question him, he tells me it's to save money at the club and I need to stop worrying. I try to block out the disappointment and regret before it consumes me. Sometimes it's too much to bare and I break down. Caine is distancing himself and doesn't acknowledge my presence half the time. I try not to cry. I found out that crying only aggravates him. He says things that aren't nice to me and I take it, trying to be the wife I said I would.

I spend today scrubbing the house; cleaning brings me peace. Who knew I would grow fond of cleaning on a Friday night? Mom calls to ask me a question about work when I accidently knock over Caine's coffee mug. I hold my breath, hoping he won't explode at my clumsiness. Caine gives me a look that could kill before he grabs his beer and walks into the family room. I blow out a sigh.

He stops to turn around and look at me, "Enough Lacey, knock it off!" Before he turns the corner, he gives me the middle finger.

"Was that Caine?" Mom asks with concern coming through the receiver at what she just heard.

"Oh, he was talking to the television." I try to hide my irritation and quickly end the phone call before Caine's temper gets worse and someone hears how he really talks to me.

I finish cleaning up the kitchen and walk into the family room to rest for a few minutes. Caine starts, "We have a lot of shit wrong in our marriage. I'm tired of your family always coming first and I don't like how much time you spend with them. You need to tell your parents that you will not be working more than twenty hours a week and you will only work during the day when I'm at work." Excuse me? I am outraged by his bitterness and the tears won't stop. "Will you stop crying? It makes you ugly." I try with everything I have to stop crying; between my hormones and the verbal attacks, I'm having a hard time composing myself.

"Caine, they need my help with mom having surgery next week. My family does so much for us."

He strides over to me to yell in my face, "Shut up!" His hand meets my face once again, leaving a sting in its wake. I unintentionally gasp at the strike and he continues, "I said shut up!" An unsettled feeling washes over me and I find myself on the floor after another slap. "Get up! I want you out of my fucking sight!" He pushes me with his foot. "Get up bitch. I can't stand to look at you or hear you cry. What the fuck is wrong with you? I want you gone."

I try to stand as a sharp pain hits my backside. It's his foot. Oh God, please help. "Cai..."

"I said I want you to get the fuck up and out of my sight." He strolls over to the end table next to the sofa and picks up his beer. "What the hell? You can't even follow the easiest instructions. Are you stupid?" he yells, sauntering back to where I am and finishing his beer as his foot slams into my back again. Fuck, pain. The baby. Oh my God, the baby!

I can hardly breathe. Thinking only of the baby, it takes all of my courage to get up and leave. I try to stand, but I fall. Out of the corner of my eye, I notice Caine walk into the kitchen to grab another beer, and then he rushes past me up the stairs. Breathing a sigh of relief with his absence, shock creeps in over what just happened. I manage to pull myself up onto the sofa. I sit for a moment thinking about what I did wrong. I don't understand what this is with us. He wanted me to marry him. I didn't ask him to. Who does he think he is to toy with my feelings this way? I don't know how much more I can take. Does he really love me; or does he love the idea of me, and this fantasy life of being a family? He loved the romance, the attention, and the promise of love. Once we were legally tied together and I moved in, things changed. Now, I'm afraid I've tolerated too much.

My hand immediately runs over my baby bump growing bigger every day and I caress my stomach. This baby doesn't deserve all of the yelling, arguing, and physical manipulation. It cannot be good for its development. Caine reappears dressed up. He stops in front of me noticing I'm having internal thoughts of the baby. "I'm going out to the club," he reports, walking into the kitchen.

It wasn't that long ago he enjoyed going to the clubs with me. He loved to watch me dance. I had a great body, and wore cute little sexy numbers. Caine would watch me in the crowd. Many times, I would feel him sneak up behind me so that he could stake his claim. While he loved watching me dance, he didn't like how close some guys came to dancing with me. I don't know why he got all cave man on me; I always shooed the guys away. I confused his possessiveness as being some sort of affection, but sadly, I was only a prize to him. And now, where is that guy?

Caine interrupts my thoughts, looking for something in the sofa cushions. I'm worried he has found someone else to make him feel the way I once did. Worried to be around him, I slowly make my way upstairs with my back and head throbbing. Closing the curtains in our bedroom, I notice Lane pull up outside. I descend the stairs as fast as the pain allows, quickly open the front door, and close it just as fast so that Caine doesn't know that Lane's here. I don't know where I'm finding my strength right now.

"Lane, please leave. Caine isn't in a good mood and is getting ready to leave. Can I call you as soon as he leaves?" I ask breathlessly, begging her to please listen because my family can't find out.

"Lacey, look at you; you've been crying! Your face is flushed. What the hell? Mom called me and asked if I could stop by. She didn't have a good feeling when she hung up with you earlier. Clearly, she was right to worry. What is going on?"

"Please Lane. I can't have you here. I'll call you as soon as he leaves and explain everything. I've just been crying that's all. My hormones with the pregnancy make me more emotional than usual, and Caine is having a hard time dealing with my moods." I lie. Can I really tell her Caine raised a hand to me? I still love him and wish he would go back to the guy I fell in love with. Is this the way his mom's previous husbands treated her? What the hell do I do now?

Lane refuses to leave. "I promise I won't say anything, if you promise to tell me everything."

I nod in defeat, and we walk into the apartment.

As soon as Lane steps inside, she blurts out, "Caine, what are you doing to my sister?"

He looks at her with disgust. "I didn't do shit to her; she gets upset over nothing."

"Caine, don't play that bullshit with me. I know you've been acting differently ever since you two moved into this apartment." Now I look at her in shock. She noticed? "You spend too many nights out partying away from your wife. How do you think she feels?"

"She made the choice to marry me and have the baby; so what if she can't go out like we used to? Why do I have to stop as well?" he says, making the fury in Lane's face grow.

Lane has always been stronger. She doesn't take crap from anyone and can spot bullshit a mile away. Apparently, she is looking bullshit right in the face tonight. The arguing continues with so many things said back and forth that I feel as though I can't keep my head on straight. I'm exhausted. Here my sister is, trying to come over and knock some sense into Caine, and all she winds up doing is making things worse behind closed doors. Lane at least has the courage and the strength, which I don't have anymore, to stand up to him. I feel powerless and just stand here with my feet glued to the floor, watching my world fall apart.

Lane turns to me, "Lacey, since he's going out again, why don't you come over and stay at mom and dad's house where there will be people who want to be in your company?" I can hear the spitefulness in her voice.

I glance at Caine, unable to read the emotions on his face. Turning to Lane for support I say, "Sure." We go upstairs to prepare an overnight bag.

"Lacey, this is crazy. Is he like this all the time?" I give her an apologetic smile and shrug. I'm afraid to say anything while he is just below us brewing.

We are walking out the door as Caine yells, "Get out of my damn house, and give me your fucking keys!"

"Caine, this is just as much my house as it is yours." Going out to the car, I see Lucas is here, witnessing the tail end of our fight. Oh no!

"Lane, can you put my bags in the car? I need to speak to Caine for a second," I spit out before she could protest.

I open the door, finding him almost in the very spot I left him. "Caine, I'm sorry."

He shakes his head and says, "I cannot go on like this. I cannot stand you and your family. You're getting fat. You're so fucking ugly when you cry that I want to slap you to make you stop. I cannot stand to be in the same room with you anymore. Sometimes I just want to smother you and get it over with." A loud growl comes out of him as he throws his hands up in the air. Dumbfounded, I pick up my shattered heart and walk out of the apartment without turning back.

Lucas is resting on the back of my car, talking to Lane. I look at him pleadingly for help. "What is going on with Caine? Does he realize what he's doing to me? He begged me to take him back and marry him. Why does he not want this now? Lucas, he's been so nasty to me since we moved here."

"I'll talk to him. Becca and I have been discussing what's going on, hoping we can figure out a solution. Why don't you call her when you get to your parents?" Lucas says engulfing me in a hug. Maybe, if I love him enough for both of us, this could work. It will just take time.

I follow Lane to the house because I have to work a full day tomorrow and I'll go straight from our parents. We are just about out of my neighborhood, when Lane calls. I put it through my Bluetooth device. "Lane?"

"I just want you to know what Lucas was saying while you were dealing with Caine."

"Okay."

"He thinks it's ridiculous how often you two fight. He said he doesn't think Caine should have gotten married because he wants to stay single."

"Oh, so he must resent me for taking away his freedom."

"Well, Lucas also mentioned it's stupid how you yell at Caine about becoming an alcoholic. He thinks it's okay for him to go out and drink. Does he know about his mom?"

I sigh. "I don't know."

"Lucas said he doesn't drink that much, but I'm not sure if I believe he isn't drinking more than he should."

"I don't know if I can take Lucas' word for it, because Caine's been drinking more and more at home. And Lucas was highly intoxicated most of the week, too."

"I wonder what Lucas considers drinking too much."

"Lane, I don't know." There is a lot at stake for me to take his word given the history of Caine's mom. I just don't understand how we went from Caine begging me to give him another chance, asking me to marry him, and finding us an apartment to raise our little family, into this nightmare in a matter of months.

"We'll talk more when we get back to mom and dad's house."

"Okay, bye," I tell her before hitting 'End the Call'.

Caine gets upset when I worry about how much he drinks. He goes out five nights a week. He drinks so much that he isn't able to drive. Alcoholism runs in his family. Why shouldn't I be worried? Mental note: Protect my baby from alcohol.

Caine beats my confidence down on a daily basis to where I feel helpless. I don't know when I began to feel I can't do this 'have a baby thing' without Caine; regardless I don't know how to do this without Caine anymore. Could I talk to someone about how he treats me? The verbal bashing has turned physical. What if his Commanding Officer finds out? The consequences are too high. He could lose his job; he's told me this over and over. How would I support the baby? I don't make enough money for us and I cannot put this burden on my family; they've done so much for us already. I think it might be too late to get out.

I park next to Lane in the driveway. I didn't even realize we arrived at the house. I guess I was on autopilot. I don't remember anything after I hung up with Lane and she told me about her conversation with Lucas. Getting out of the car, I take a deep breath of the chilly evening air and suddenly feel a dull cramp in my abdomen. Lane turns around, "Lacey, are you coming in?"

"Yeah, I'll be right there. Uh..." I try to escape more questions. It should be a breeze since I'm already an emotional wreck after tonight's banter with Caine, but the cramp is too intense.

"What is it?" she asks, watching me shake my head as I try to get over the cramp.

I'm holding my stomach as... Damn... another ache almost sends me to my knees.

"I'm getting mom," Lane says, running into the house. Moments later, both of them rush out of the house.

"Get back in the car," Mom immediately ushers me to the car.

"Mom, I'm fine. I'm just upset that's all."

"Upset or not, you're cramping. Let's go get it checked out. It's not just your health you have to look after now. My grandbaby needs to be checked out Lacey."

"Ugh, dammit." I grunt. A second later, I realize I cussed in front of mom. "Sorry, mom." I begin to worry the doctors will see the marks on my back from Caine's foot. What will they do? Think Lacey, think. If it weren't for these freaking cramps, I might be able to come up with an excuse for them. Dammit! He's going to be court marshalled and lose his job. He told me I will be in a lot of trouble if he loses his job. Forget it. I just want these cramps to go away and my baby to be okay. I give up arguing with mom because she's right. Mom drives me to the military hospital on base.

They aren't a full service hospital and refuse my care, telling me to go to Walter Reed Medical Center, which is a good hour away. "Mom, I can barely keep my eyes open. Can you take me back to the house, and I'll call the hospital to make sure it is okay to wait it out?"

"Okay, honey, but if you get any cramps overnight, I want you to wake me up. I don't care what time it is."

"Thanks mom." I'm relieved that I won't need to do any explaining to the doctors.

Once we get home, I call Walter Reed. The nurse explains how the stress of what I'm going through probably caused the cramping. She is really nice, and instructs me to lie down and put my feet up, with the promise that if the cramps continue or worsen, I will get to the hospital as soon as possible. Relieved, I hang up and I go straight to my room - my old room that mom and dad haven't changed one bit – preparing to do exactly what the nurse told me to.

Lane comes in to talk while I get ready for bed. Unsure of what my back looks like from Caine, I close the bathroom door to change into my pajamas, hoping she doesn't question this behavior. "Lacey, I'm so sorry for tonight. I didn't mean to intrude, but mom and I were worried and felt one of us needed to do something." I can understand where Lane is coming from. I'm not mad; I would do the same for her in a heartbeat.

"I know you're married to Caine, and it's none of my business. It's hard to watch you go through this. I'm sorry if I've made things worse for you." She wears a sad smile, searching my face and waiting for me to say something. Her blue eyes sparkle from the tears pooling in them, and my heart breaks a little more. With me only turning to Lane when I get upset about Caine, I can understand her need to step in and try to fix this corpse of a marriage. She knows me too well to accept my lies about nothing being wrong. Oh God! She knows Caine isn't home when I magically appear at our parents' house because I'm tired of being alone in the apartment. She sees right through me. Ugh! I refuse to acknowledge her revelation, and continue to play my tale of a life. I silently scream at myself for allowing Caine to get away with his destructive behavior and at myself for my silence.

"I'm sorry I keep getting you involved, Lane. I try not to make him mad, but it seems like he's always mad about the silliest things."

"I know. You need to get some sleep and we can figure this out tomorrow, okay?" She begins to walk out.

"Lane?"

"Yeah?"

"Thanks for everything." She nods. "Seriously, Lane, I don't know what I'd do without you. Thank you," I say before lying down.

I wish I was stronger like Lane and could do something to make things better for the baby and me. I just don't know what to do. This baby needs a father. I defend Caine each time my parents go on a tirade about his partying. They think it's wrong for me to be okay with him going out five times a week with his friends, leaving me home. I'm not twenty-one years old and I can't get into the places he goes. My fake ID has expired, so it's not as if I can use that. Plus, I'm pregnant. I would certainly be a sight all dolled up; knee high black boots, dress showing my usual cleavage, oh and a baby bump too. Yeah, not going to happen! Nor am I going to take my baby to a place filled with smoke. That would be careless of me. Caine and I are both young. I'm pregnant; he's not. Why should he have to sit around while something is cooking inside of me? I will stop letting my parents know so much. Maybe I should stop looking for them to rescue me. This could work if I keep both lives separated.

I need to be patient and try to make things work out so that my baby will have a father in its life. I wish Caine wouldn't take advantage of me, but I'll pray tomorrow is a better day. Most of all, I am thankful for no more cramping and fighting tonight. I'm tired and tumble asleep soon after my head hits the pillow.

This morning I woke up late. I had just enough time to take a quick shower and grab a slice of bread before heading to work. It was weird sleeping in my old bed last night, but at least for once, I slept without any interruptions. I'm sure I look like a zombie but will somehow manage to get through the entire day. My phone vibrates on the counter; it's Becca. "Hey girl, whatcha doing?" I ask.

"Lacey, what the hell?"

"What?" I ask, knowing what Lane meant last night when she said that we'd figure it out tomorrow. She sic'd Becca on me.

"You know what. Lane just told Trish about what happened last night, and you didn't call me? Dammit Lacey, you were cramping. What did that fucker do?"

"Nothing Becca. He was just saying some mean stuff. He's been drinking and you know how they get when they're drunk. It was my fault for being too demanding when he was in that state." I try to dismiss the severity of the situation. I probably said too much.

"You are fucked up in the head if you are blaming yourself for any of this. He has messed with your head and weakened your mind, love." She sighs. "You know it's Saturday and I don't have anything special going on, so I'm coming over."

"Becca, please. You don't have to come over."

"I want to."

"I know, but I need to talk to Caine about everything going on and there's no reason for you to get caught up in his crap." Oops, a customer happened to walk by just when I cussed. Dammit, sometimes these customers are nuisances.

"Are you for real Lacey? You must have been abducted by fucking aliens. I absofuckinglutely want to be there if you are going to talk to him. Look what happened last night. You were upset and began cramping. You don't need to be alone."

"Becca," I start.

"You have no choice, I'm coming over. So pick my ass up on your way home, because Trish took the car to see her boy toy. Okay?"

"Fine, but it's going to be late because I don't get off until nine-thirty tonight."

"I'll see you at ten, okay bestie?"

"Alright, love, you win."

"You know I always do. Love you bestie. Mmm-ba-bye."

I smile and reply, "Mmm-ba-bye." It's from our little Saturday Night Live skit that we like to repeat on occasion.

I make it through the rest of the workday without hearing from Caine. It is nice to have my mind occupied by my own thoughts and not his poison. I have no idea what the hell I'm doing staying with him. He does whatever the hell he wants to and manipulates me to stop hanging out with my family, and soon it's going to include Becca, I'm sure. It's almost as if he is pulling me away from myself and molding me into the person he wants me to be.

I pull into the driveway at the house Becca is renting with Trish, and some other girls in college. Becca runs out to hug me. I internally flinch from the pain I still feel where Caine's foot slammed in my back. The bruises will heal, but the emotional pain is so much harder to heal from. Becca pulls back from our hug to look me in the eye. "Girl, I'm going to personally kick your ass if you ever, ever not contact me when something like last night happens again. We are best friends and we are supposed to be there for each other."

I roll my eyes at her. "I promise I'll at least text you and say, 'something.'" I internally giggle at my joke.

"You sarcastic little twit. You will tell me what's going on love, okay?"

"Okay. Are you ready because I'm tired as all get out," I tell her as a yawn grows where I can't suppress it any longer.

"Let me grab my bag," she says as I follow her inside. Her house is unusually quiet.

"Where is everyone?"

"There is a huge party at one of the frat houses and everyone's over there."

"Oh, why didn't you go?"

"Because I have better plans with my bestie."

"Becca, you should go. I can't hold you back from having a good time. Where's Lucas? Please reconsider and go. I'm just going back to the house to sleep."

"I don't know what Lucas is doing. We aren't serious enough to know where the other one is all the time. And who said you were holding me back? That's a bunch of dog doo-doo," she says while I start cracking up. "What?"

"Oh, some of the things that come out of your mouth are funny. Let's go." For someone with such a vile mouth, when Becca says 'dog doo-doo', it cracks me up.

Answering all of Becca's questions about last night consumes the drive home. She needs to know every detail, but it sounds like Lane did a pretty decent job of telling Trish, who relayed it to Becca. She knows everything already, but I guess she wanted to hear it from me.

Caine's car isn't in its normal parking space; in fact, I don't see it at all. He must have gone out again. I was hoping to talk to him tonight, but maybe it's best to wait until tomorrow.

Becca and I settle in for the night. "I'm so exhausted, I could pass out anywhere."

She pulls out the sofa bed. "Do you want to watch a movie?" she asks, fixing her sheets and blankets.

I think Becca is hoping to talk more. "No, I need to go to bed. Goodnight, love." I tell her walking upstairs.

I am climbing into bed when the phone rings. "Caine?" I ask, picking my head off my pillow to look at my alarm clock that reads eleven-thirty.

"Yeah, I was wondering if you were home."

"Um... yes, I answered the phone." Dumbass.

"Well, I'm over at a friend's house that is having a party." There's a lot of noise in the background. Why is he calling to tell me this? Perhaps, he wanted to see if I was home, maybe... please God NO!!!!!

"Okay. Do you know what time you're going to be home? Because... we need to talk." I hope he can hear me over the noise.

"I don't know." He sighs. "We'll talk when I get in. I have to go now." The phone clicks. Nice!

Sleeping in the bed I've grown fond of in just a few short months gives me a restful night sleep, even with Caine staying out all night. My back doesn't feel as sore this morning. I'm afraid to look in the mirror for fear of seeing marks or bruises.

I yawn going downstairs to see if Becca's awake.

"Good morning Sunshine," she greets.

"Damn, I keep forgetting how chipper you are in the mornings." I smile.

"Dang girl, you aren't wearing your coffee face. How did you manage that?" she inquires.

"Simple. I stopped drinking coffee cold turkey. It was hell for a week or two and then I was over it." I shrug.

Walking into the kitchen to get a glass of orange juice, I ask, "Are you hungry? I'm going to fix some juice. Want some?"

"Sure. I guess I forgot about you cutting out coffee and cigarettes. I don't know how you did it. I would have probably committed assault or something. What do you have going on in the goods department?" She motions over to the refrigerator.

"Bacon, eggs, and grits?" I ask.

"Holy shit. I'll take eggs and bacon, but for fucks sake, hold that disgusting shit you call grits. I don't know why you eat that crap."

"Whatever, and it's not crap. I happen to love it." I smile smugly.

"Um yeah, it's crap, love." I roll my eyes at her.

I begin frying the bacon, with Becca chatting about her classes. I wish I had the opportunity to be at college right now. But mom needs me and besides, I'm only taking a year off. Mom's surgery is scheduled for next week. I hope this will take away most of the pain she has every day.

"Love, are you playing bacon Tetris?" she asks bringing me back to the here and now.

"Well, they have to be placed a certain way to fit as many as possible in the pan. It's called being efficient." I smile.

"You sure that's efficiency and not you're OCD?" she asks.

"Shut up," I tell her, throwing a small piece of burnt bacon at her.

"Hmm... nom, nom, nom. That's good bacon you're missing out on." She teases, imitating the noise of eating and enjoying every crumb.

I hand her a plate of eggs, and set the pile of bacon between us. I heat up my grits and sit next to her. "So what do you want to do today?" I ask. "Do you have any plans?

"Nope, I'm a free bird today, love."

"Do you want to go shopping and maybe look at baby stuff?" I ask.

"Hell yes! My niece or nephew deserves the best, and that means Auntie Becca needs to pick stuff out for him or her." She smiles.

"You are crazy; you know that, right?" I giggle. We shower and get out of the apartment in record time. I don't know if Becca realizes how much of a hurry I am in to get out of there, but I don't want to face Caine. I am in a good mood and don't want him to spoil it.

We start driving the short distance to the baby superstore when Becca yells, "My God Lacey! Go around her." She points to the car in front of us. "Freaking driving while gray is going to kill us lady." The poor old woman in front of us is going about ten or more miles under the speed limit. With cars zooming past me, I don't have the opportunity to pull around. We arrive at the store without any bodily harm, making Becca a little bit easier to handle. "What a fucking spot tease," she says.

I look over at her. "What do you mean a-what-spot?"

Becca laughs. "It's a parking space that looks open to only find a small car has occupied the space. I can't believe you didn't know that." She shakes her head in disgust at my lack of 'Urban Knowledge'.

"Becca, there are times when no one knows what the hell you are saying, so I don't think it's just me."

"Whatever, let's get in there. I'm dying to pick out the cutest bedding and outfits."

"Becca, are you having the baby?" I ask her amused.

"Actually, yeah I am. That's my baby you are carrying."

I roll my eyes. She is getting a little too attached to my little baby bump. I smile happily, knowing how much this baby is going to be loved, with or without a father in its life.

"Are you happy you are waiting until the birth to find out if you're having a girl or boy?"

"Yeah, I'm kind of excited to wait." I say thinking it's something I'm holding onto that Caine can't control.

I pull up to the apartment after dropping Becca off. We were in heaven going through the aisles making a list of the items we think I'll need to get. I even splurged and bought my baby bump its first outfit. It's the cutest thing ever. A simple little green sleeper with 'I love Mommy' embroidered on the upper left chest. Yes, my baby will love me and I love him or her. I will protect my baby from any future physical altercations with Caine. I'm done playing nice. I needed this time apparently to get back to my fiery self who wouldn't tolerate shit like Caine.

His car is parked next to mine. Caine's home but I'm not worried. I grab the bag that holds baby bump's first purchase and walk into the apartment.

"Hi," I say when I walk in finding him watching television.

He looks up from the TV to nod at me. I fix a glass of water and begin to leave the kitchen when Caine is standing right in my path. Uh oh! All smiles are gone.

"So, where have you been? Looks like you spent money. I'd like to know where you got the money, Lacey?" he snaps.

"I used my lunch money for a couple of days."

"Is it smart to deprive my child of food so that you can buy needless things?" he says nastily.

"Caine, stop! I'm tired of the crap you are putting me through." This was my moment. "You know what's interesting, Caine? You forgot to give me lunch money last week. I was almost out the door when I realized it. You had already begun to take your shower and I didn't want to bother you. I pulled five dollars out of your wallet and a piece of paper fell out. I picked it up and two girls' names and phone numbers were on it, in your handwriting."

I should probably also tell him that I called the numbers too. Shit is going to hit the fan. The girls did not want to talk to me. They called me a few choice words. I told them I didn't know why their phone number was in Caine's wallet but he is married and has a child on the way. They got all bitchy and told me to fuck off.

"Do you know how wrong it is to be snooping around?"

"I wasn't spying on you or fishing for information. I don't care if you believe me or not, because I'm done with all of this." I wave my hands around the apartment. "You asked me to marry you and then you treat me like some piece of trash now that we are living together. You constantly go out without caring that I'm alone, or even telling me where you are and when you'll be home. You berate me constantly. I internalize your criticism until my self-esteem sinks lower and lower. You turn on your charm, which causes me to doubt my instincts to run away. I have no freaking idea why you married me or if you even want to stay together. But I can tell you I don't. I want out!" I finally end shouting.

Ow! My face stings. "Don't you ever talk to me that way again, Lacey! I will slap you again. You will be obedient. I am your husband and I am entitled to do whatever the hell it is I want to do because I pay the bills. Don't forget it, Lacey. I'm the one with the real job." Oh no he didn't. "And you will never leave me." I look at him in horror. Why would he honestly think I would stay? "If you ever do, I will find you and kill you myself." I gasp at his harsh words. He pushes around me to grab a beer out of the refrigerator and walks out. Oh my God, did he just say he would kill me?

# CHAPTER FIFTEEN

Defa Vu

I avoided Caine like the plague last night after he told me he would kill me if I left him. I have no idea if he is serious or not, but I'm not going to find out. I need to keep the peace. As long as I'm carrying my little baby bump, I will keep myself safe. Once the baby's born, all bets are off, and I will leave his ass so fast he won't know what hit him. Maybe I should start writing a journal and documenting what he's doing. It probably wouldn't hold up in court though. I have to keep baby bump safe; that's my priority.

I don't know where the rage comes from within Caine. Is it because he was abused as a kid? Is it because he watched his mother being treated the way he treats me? If so, I wonder if he thinks that makes it acceptable. It's almost as if he doesn't know how to communicate with words so he resorts to force and destruction. His harsh words don't sting as much as they used to. When I get out of this marriage, I hope I still recognize the person in the mirror.

This morning when I wake up, I think my heart is going to stop when I feel Caine in bed. Thank God, he is still asleep. I get out of bed as quickly as possible, making sure I don't disturb him. I don't want to deal with him. I go downstairs to get my morning juice and watch a little bit of the Home and Garden Channel before getting ready for work. I'm due to be at work for another two hours.

I am engrossed in an episode of 'Curb Appeal' when Caine strolls down the stairs. The show is just about over when he asks, "Hand me the remote, would you?"

"Can I finish this first?" I ask.

"No, I pay the bills and will watch what I want when I want," he blows.

"Fine, I'm going to work anyway." I'm working a solid ten-hour day in Baltimore today, which is now a bonus because it will keep me out of the apartment and without the temptation of running to Becca or Lane if something happens. Before leaving, I pause in front of Caine. "Can you clean up the kitchen from this morning's breakfast, and start a load of laundry?" I don't think I am asking too much. He is more than capable. It's only a few dishes anyway.

"Sure, no problem." I nod and leave without kissing him goodbye. Our daily endearments were gone weeks ago.

By the way my stomach is growling, I know it is lunchtime and I realize that I freaking forgot to pack a lunch. Dammit! I pull out my purse, scrounging for change and come up empty. Caine controls all of the money and makes me return the change after shopping. I wouldn't put it past him to tally up the receipt and count the change to make sure I don't keep any of the money or purchase something for myself. I can't ask my parents to borrow a few dollars, or they will start asking questions. I decide it's best to make a quick trip home. After walking in the front door, I freeze. OMG! I debate whether I should go in or not. The apartment is a mess and the sliding glass doors are open. I cannot believe it. Were we robbed? What if we were robbed! Or worse, Caine was here with someone and rushed out when he heard the door unlock. Dammit, why? Thinking the second thought is more plausible, I check all of the rooms. Finally, looking into the kitchen last, I see the dishes are still in the sink. He didn't clean up like he said he would. I can't believe it! I lock up and leave, not having the stomach to eat anymore. I check my phone to see if there are any messages from him, thinking that maybe he got called into work. I debate whether I should text him and decide I don't really care anymore.

Lacey: Monday 12:19pm: Caine just wanted to know why the back door was open and the house was a mess.

Caine: Monday 1:43pm: What are you talking about?

Lacey: Monday 1:45pm: I went home for lunch and thought we were robbed. Why the hell would you leave the back door open?

Caine: Monday 1:56pm: I was letting in air, I thought I closed it.

Lacey: Monday 1:58pm: No, I did.

Caine: Monday 2:01pm: Why did you waste gas to come home for lunch?

Lacey: Monday 2:03: I forgot to pack my lunch. Did you put laundry on?

Caine: Monday 2:11pm: No, went to work. You shouldn't have wasted your money at the store.

Lacey: Monday 2:12pm: Caine, seriously? Are you not going to help out at all?

Caine: Monday 2:15pm: Whatever. Going out tonight.

I don't even bother replying. Hopefully he won't be home when I get back. I guess I'll be spending the afternoon doing laundry tomorrow.

The rest of the day I don't hear from Caine, resolving it's for the best. I need to make a conscious effort to avoid as much stress when I'm around him as possible.

I am practically asleep before I even walk into the apartment. I think I need to start taking naps in order to make it through the day. It's crazy how tired I've been getting. First things first, I'm starving from not eating lunch. I scour the refrigerator and settle for a quick salad before going to bed.

I wake up and feel a little more rested. Caine didn't come home last night and I make the decision to stop waiting up for him. I'm only working until twelve this afternoon and I'm happy with the distraction of the people around me. Mom stops by to pay me. "Hi honey, how are you feeling?" she asks giving me a hug.

"Good, mom. I slept like a rock last night."

"Did Caine come home?" she asks and I immediately look away, not bothering to answer. I didn't want to flat-out lie to her, but I also didn't want to tell her the truth, which is sure to upset her.

So, instead I do the best thing I know, I change the subject. "How did everything go with your pre-op appointment this morning? Is everything still scheduled for next week?"

"Yes, it's all scheduled as planned. I decided to ask our neighbor, Alice, to help for the next two months." Oh God, not the nosy bitch! "I don't want to leave it all in your and Lane's hands. Lane needs to concentrate on school and you need to take care of my grandbaby."

"Mom, I told you I could handle it and Lane will help out when she can. We've already worked up a schedule that works between dad and us. There is no need to involve Alice." The damn Evil Mail Lady aka 'EML'.

"Well, now you'll have some extra help in case something comes up." Mom raises her eyebrows at me. What does that mean? Premature labor? I'm not due for another three months and the first pregnancy is usually late. Everything went well at my last prenatal appointment a couple of weeks ago. I hope she isn't referring to anything about Caine. She doesn't know what's going on, does she? I decide to worry about that later.

"I wanted to stop by and pay you for this week and last."

"Thanks mom." I hug her. "I love you."

"I love you too. I need to wrap up a few thing at the other store, so I'll talk to you later, okay? Be careful, sweetheart."

"I will." Watching mom walk out, I decide to hold onto this money and not let Caine know about it.

Four loads of laundry already accomplished and I manage to clean the kitchen and the bathroom too. My head starts to feel light and I decide that I must need to eat something. Caine walks in just as I am taking my dinner out of the microwave. I mentally remind myself not to tell Caine about mom paying me. I need to make sure I have money for food and gas. Oh no! I forgot to hide the money. I don't trust him not to look through my purse, so I need to hide it. Dammit, I had all afternoon. When Caine goes upstairs to change, I stick it under a sofa cushion praying I will have a chance to grab it later. Hopefully he doesn't get the sudden urge to go through the sofa cushions. My heart is beating so fast that I am certain he can see it as he busies himself around me in the kitchen. I need to start saving a little bit here and there to plan for the unexpected, and ultimately, for when I leave.

Caine takes his dinner into the family room. I join him, sitting on the opposite side, bored out of my mind, keeping watch of my money. He doesn't talk to me. When he's home, I feel like a freaking prisoner in my head. I try not to bore holes in the sofa where I stashed my pay. About an hour later, Caine walks over to where I'm sitting and snuggles into my side. He turns to me and says, "Lacey, I love you." This is Caine's way of saying 'I'm sorry because I want to have sex'. Oh, for the love of God, please no, not now! I barely have enough strength to worry about the money I'm hiding from him. Holding back the bile in my throat, I remind myself Caine isn't truly sorry. He's just in the mood for a quick fuck and I'm available. I feel like a disgusting piece of trash to let myself put up with this. Thankfully, he doesn't make a move.

"I was told today that I'm deploying around the first of November."

"Okay, do you know what day you're leaving?"

"November 2nd and I'll be gone for a little over two months," he says softly against my cheek. Wow, two months free from Caine!

"That's close to the baby bump's due date."

"Yeah, I'm hoping I'll be back before you go into labor." Who the hell is this? He's hot one day and cold the next. I never know which Caine I'm going to get. I wonder if he needs to see a doctor about his split personalities. "I've wanted to ask you something for a while." I look at him, not sure if I should. And then the next thing he says shocks me. "Do you think a third person's perspective will help us?" What the hell?

I blink. "You mean counseling?"

He nods. "Yes." I sit up straighter and wonder if we are fixable. Will counseling do anything or will it be a front?

I hesitate, brooding over the thoughts in my mind. "I've wanted to see if someone could help us. I just didn't know how to ask you." My heart betrays me and it pisses me off. Why couldn't I stay mad at him? Why did he have to give me that little bit of the 'previous Caine' I fell in love with? We relax together for the first time in months without another argument.. It is pleasant and I think maybe, just maybe, this can work. Damn heart!

"Do you want to go with me to pick out a dining room table? The store doesn't close for another two hours," he asks, a few hours later.

"If you want me to go, I will," I say, because I know he's the one with the real job who is going to pay for it. Should I go? Is this that trying thing? Is he faking to only throw me off guard later? I cannot stand this emotional rollercoaster.

He shrugs, "You can go if you want." I sit and think about continuing this conversation but I stall, nervous of how Caine will react to anything I say. I have to keep it from becoming physical if I make him mad. I decide leaving him alone to finish watching his show is best. Finally, he goes upstairs for something and truthfully, I don't care what it is because I am more focused on saving the little amount of money behind the cushion. I quickly move it to one of the movies that Caine will never be caught dead watching. He hates chick flicks.

Caine holds my door for me like he used to while I settle into his car. We don't even get out of the driveway when Caine starts. "I don't think I'm taking you to the Navy Ball next month. My Officers and coworkers will be attending and I cannot afford for you to make another scene like you did at the gala." Excuse me? I become outraged.

"Caine, do you remember why I left the event? That bitch that lip locked you in front of everyone with me right beside you confronted me in the bathroom. If anyone is concerned, it should be me. I don't know who the hell you are anymore. You've changed so much in the past couple of months. I don't know why you treat me like garbage. You just asked to go to counseling. You wanted to be married to me. You wanted to help the baby and me. I never once asked for this. Do you want us to work because if you continue thi-" The back of Caine's hand comes flying to my mouth, busting my lip. I look at him in horror with tears building in my eyes. I can taste a small tang of something metallic. Fucking bastard made my lip bleed.

"We aren't going through this again, are we? I refuse to go into a store with you acting like this. Stop your Goddamn crying!" he yells, glaring at me. "I hate it when you cry because you look so foul. Dammit Lacey, this is entirely your fault. That's it; I'm dropping you off at the apartment. I can't stand to be around you anymore than I have to." He pushes his sleeves up and jerks the car around, returning the way we came. "I took care of the bills this morning. I've decided to pay the rent and utilities, but will no longer be giving you any money for anything else." Oh God, I'm going to be sick. "I also expect you to give me the money you make working at the store the day your parents pay you." Thank heavens I hid the money mom gave me today.

I can't stop the tears from falling. I feel so lonely in this marriage and in this fake life. I made myself promise not to go to my family anymore. God help it if Becca hears about something else Caine has done. I should probably call her. No, I can't. I cannot involve one more person for Caine to belittle and criticize.

True to his word, he pulls up to our place and allows me to get out before he speeds away. Covering my mouth, I run for the door, embarrassed if any of our neighbors see me. I need to get away from him to find peace and quiet to think about what the hell I'm going to do. I fill a bag with ice and go to the bathroom to wash up. I cannot have anyone know about this. I clean up my lip. It doesn't look as bad as I thought it would. Hopefully, the ice and ointment will help it heal by the day after tomorrow when I have to show my face at work.

The only place I feel safe is upstairs in bed. I cry into my pillow as I think about the madman I married. I cry for the guilt I feel and for my baby. I cry for getting myself trapped into this situation and not having the strength to walk away. I cry for the way Caine has humiliated me, ruining all of the self-esteem I've worked so hard to get. I cry for wishing this was the marriage and life Caine portrayed in that coffee shop. I would give anything to be back in the moment and say 'no, kiss my ass'. I cry until I fall into a restless sleep.

Two days later and my lip is almost healed. I'll think of an excuse if someone asks. I'll make it out to be my fault. Yesterday, Caine told me how much he can't stand Lane. How his family would never interfere like mine. I pretended to listen and nodded at the appropriate times. I feel as if I am reliving the movie 'Groundhog Day'. I would like to relive anything but the despicable things Caine says about my family and me. I try to dismiss as much as possible now to keep the peace. He refuses to give me his schedule so I can make our counseling appointment. He rejected my idea to call and find out if we can see a counselor at Walter Reed, saying they would force him to divorce me because I'm so messed up. I found a civilian therapist in our price range. All that is needed is for him to give me the hours he's working the next couple of weeks and I can make our first appointment.

I'm here at work and happy there are lots of people shopping today. I've straightened the store, dusted, and washed the glass, something I did the other day as well. Cleaning helps me feel better and busies my mind from thoughts about my troubled marriage.

My phone buzzes and it's Becca. "Hey love, what are you doing?"

"Not much, just working here until six this evening. What are you doing?" I ask.

"I was wondering if you wanted to get together tonight."

"Oh, let's have a girl's night drinking lemonade and watching 'My Fair Lady'," I snicker.

"Oh my God Lacey, you think you're fabularious! Don't you dare do that to me?! I have a better idea; let's watch our favorite movie 'Sing'," I gasp.

"YES! What time do you want me to pick you up? We can swing by mom's and pick up the movie on our way back." I am so excited to spend time with Becca tonight. We haven't seen much of each other. Between her college classes and me working, there is very little time left.

"I'll be ready when you get here bestie just get your fine ass moving this way after work." She has already cheered me up and made me forget my hideous situation.

Caine is home when we arrive. Ugh. I hope he doesn't start anything or Becca will go 'Urban' on him. We walk into the kitchen and Caine is sitting at the table eating supper. I walk by without any acknowledgement of his presence, preparing drinks and popcorn before the movie. I turn around ready to ask Becca what she wants to drink when I catch the look on her face. Her eyebrows are worried and she looks confused. Dammit! And wouldn't you know Caine takes that moment to look up and witness the exchange between Becca and me. Fuck me!

"Hi Becca," Caine say dryly. "Lacey, can I talk to you upstairs?" he asks, making me nervous.

"Um, yeah." I follow Caine upstairs. He leads us to the bedroom, closing the door behind us and locking it. Haunting memories come to the forefront of my mind and panic begins to build.

"What the hell is Becca doing here?" Uh, what? "You never told me she was coming over!"

"Er... I'm sor..." Caine's hand strikes me, taking me off my feet. Fuck that hurts. What the hell is he thinking doing this with her downstairs?

"Don't you dare say you are sorry to me bitch. You are the biggest dumbass out there. Do you know what Becca did the night before we moved in together? She made a fucking pass at me. I didn't tell you because I didn't want to hurt your feelings," he spits. He doesn't want to hurt my feelings? "Lacey, stop your Goddamn crying. Why do you always have to fucking cry? Get up." He pushes me up, causing me to lose my balance and I fall to my knees. "Get the fuck up Lacey." This time he doesn't wait for me to comply, instead the end of his foot lands on my rear.

"Caine, stop it. She's downstairs and will call the cops on you," I shout.

"She won't call the police darling if she knows what's good for her. If she does, I will make sure I tell Lucas what she did to me at the club and we'll see who wins. And remember you don't want me to lose my job." He laughs.

Did he just laugh at me? Wow, maybe I can leave. He doesn't have any remorse or regret for the way he treats me. I think that's exactly what I needed to confirm this won't work and I refuse to be here another day.

I move to a sitting position. "I've known about that night you made a pass on Becca all along. I know without a doubt that you're the one who was instigating the act with her. She wouldn't lie to me like you have been lying throughout this marriage. You've probably been putting your dick in places all around town on the nights you stay out late or don't even bother to come home." Holy cow, I'm on a roll. Where there hell am I getting the strength to do this? "I cannot wait for you to deploy so I can be free from you." I try to say more, but he puts his hand over my mouth and his arm around my neck. My eyes grow wide. He lacks emotion, empathy, or life in his eyes.

"You know, all I have to do is turn your head this way and you'll be dead." My body becomes rigid, my breath is bursting for air, my eyes are blinking back the terror, and my hands attempt to move his limbs away. I am scared out of my mind as my head becomes light and darkness takes over.

Ugh, my head is pounding. I open my eyes to find the ceiling. I'm in bed; turning my head, I see Becca lying next to me watching television. "Hey girl!" she yells and my eyes almost leave my head from the pain. "What the fuck were you thinking scaring me like that bitch?! I think I lost five good years of my dramatized lifestyle!" she says, trying to make me smile and then turns serious. "I don't know what the hell that fucking douche bag did to you. You are not going to lie to me anymore. Do you hear me?" Fuck! "I've already gone 'buck on his ass.' There is no way the marks on your face are from falling like he said. Your ass is leaving. Lane is on her way to help get you out of here. Don't you dare try to stop me love!!" Damn, Becca's turned all Schwarzenegger on me. I try to interject. "Don't you dare argue. I was earjacking the entire time you two were up here. I had a bad feeling and needed to eavesdrop to make sure you were okay." OMG! She knows. Does Lane know? They are going to hate me! Double fuck!! I nod in defeat.

I can hear him. Caine is still here. What the hell is he still doing here? Not even ten minutes later Lucas arrives. "We're going out," he yells up the stairs. I hope he gets out of here before Lane shows up. Please God, please don't let Lane know yet. Maybe I can get Becca to promise me she won't tell.

"Come on bestie, let's get some stuff for you so we can get to your parents, and watch our movie." She smiles. God, I love her!

I am almost finished packing an overnight bag when Lane knocks and walks in. "Lacey?" She stops in her tracks when she sees my face. "What on earth is going on and what happened to your face?" She walks towards me, rubbing her hand down my cheek where Caine slapped me.

My chest tightens, and clinching my clammy palms into fists, I shrug off the pain in her voice.

"I fell."

"Bullshit Lacey! You aren't going to hide from us anymore!" Uh oh, Becca's mad. "Lane, Caine's been hurting Lacey, saying God awful things and he's been pushing her around. I only found out because he did it tonight while I was here. He slapped Lacey and that's why she fell. You should have heard the things he was saying to her." She turns to me. "Lacey, I'm sorry if I'm breaking some sort of bestie rules here, but I can't continue to sit back and watch Caine just destroy you. You've come so far trying to heal from your past." She pauses, trying to hold back her emotions. "I refuse to let that douche bag ruin your hard work. Fuck him!" Shit! Here come the tears I've been dodging.

Lane's face falls when she sees my face again and her hand immediately covers her mouth from the shock. She doesn't need me to acknowledge Becca's spectacle; she already knows it's the truth. I can see the gears turning. Fuck! "Lane, please...," I choke, but find myself speechless.

"Lacey, how long has he been doing this to you?" With her chin quivering and wet eyes, I find it difficult to look her in the eye as if I'm guilty of a crime. I can't answer her. I fear she will beat herself up for not recognizing it sooner. Lane steps forward with painful sorrow. "You've got to leave; you can't stay here. I won't let you." She shakes her head in disbelief and I scold myself for ever inviting Becca over this evening. No, I need to stop hiding. If I stay, will it get worse? Is Caine capable of killing me? I don't want to find out; I need to leave before he hurts me more or worse, harms the baby. Picking up what willpower I have left to protect the life growing inside of me, I nod to Lane and Becca. That was all they needed to move into action as if the apartment is on fire. We packed the cars with as much stuff as we could fit. I grabbed the important and essential items first. Once I leave here tonight, I promised myself I wouldn't be returning.

"Lacey, is that everything?" Becca's voice pushes away my thoughts about staying to make my marriage work. It would only be under false pretenses and what type of life would that be?

I look around the family room, wondering what Caine is going to do when he reads the letter that I left telling him I was leaving and that if he comes near me, I will enlighten his superiors as to what he has done to me. Lane ensures I have proof. She takes a dozen or so pictures of my face, back, and arms. Bruises are already forming, or maybe some are old wounds. Either way, I know now that I don't belong here. I take a deep breath and close the door. I am running away again, but not from the fear of my past. I'm running because I fear the present and future if I stay.

# CHAPTER SIXTEEN

The Birth

Three months later...

"God dammit Becca... get the fucking dooocccctoooor!!!! OH. MY. GOD! I can't do this. I can't. It's not going to fit. There is no fucking way something so big can come out of there. No fucking way Becca!" I scream at her while she gently rubs my hair, holds my hand, and shushes me. Bitch!

"That lady said you're only supposed to feel pressure, love."

"Becca, if pressure is what I'm fucking feeling, then a tornado is considered a God damn fan! I NEED more druuuugs!"

"Remember what your coach said, you need to breathe."

"I am breathing, can't you hear me?" I shout at Becca. "Where is my fucking fairy Godmother?"

"Let's work on some of those calming techniques we practiced. Okay, I've got one. It's a Carol Burnett joke, "Giving birth is like taking your bottom lip and forcing it over your head."

"Where is my mom? I need you to leave right now, Becca. Your jokes suck," I spit out to her.

"Too bad you don't like the jokes we picked out. Did you forget that you okayed these, love? Anyway, you picked me to be your labor support, so you're stuck with me. I'm legally bound to harass you while you lay there with shit coming out of every hole." Becca laughs. "Do you have a better joke? Oh wait, what do you call a pregnancy that begins while using birth control? A misconception." She fucking laughs again.

I roll my eyes. Thank heavens that wave of pain is over. "Holy shit Becca, how much longer?"

"I don't know, love."

"Do you think they can give me something and we can try this again tomorrow? I'm freaking tired, hot, sweaty, and thirsty as hell." My body feels like the shit is getting kicked out of it.

"Here are some ice chips." She hands me the cup.

I slap the cup out of her hand as another wave of torture is building. "Aaaaah Fuck!"

"Breathe Lacey. Remember hee, hee, hee, haa, haa, haa... The coach said that you need to breathe through the contractions. Holy shit, I think I'm getting lightheaded from breathing. Damn girl, you might need to move over so I can lie down too. Ouch! " she squeals.

"Kiss my ass, Becca. I'll tell you where you can..."

"Geez, you sound like an elephant dying. You need to work on your sounds. It's more like BIF, BAM, POW!" She sings the Popeye song about 'me eats me spinach', showing me her mega-watt smile while pumping a bicep.

"Becca, I'm going to kick your ass when I get half this shit off me."

"Knock, knock. How are we doing Mrs. Rogers?" The doctor who likes to look at pussies a little too much just walked in. "Not well, I want her gone," I say pointing at Becca, who smiles sheepishly, ejecting a laugh out of the Pussy Doc. Bitch! "But first, I want, NO, I need drugs now. This is more pain than they told me I was going to feel. I think they mixed up and gave me Tylenol."

"Well, let's see. You received an epidural about six hours ago. Hmm, I will be right back." The doctor walks out.

"Six hours? I've been doing this for six fucking hours, Becca? Oh no, no, no, they are not doing anything else to me. Grab my clothes, we're out of here." I try to sit up as another wave of pain pushes through. "Fuck, I feel like a geyser is going to shoo... ooot... out of meeeeeeeeee. Where is the fucking pussy doctor?" I scream as a number of Smurfs run into the room.

"Mrs. Rogers, you need to breathe, honey," Smurfette tells me.

"Lacey, honey I'm here," Mom says from a distance.

"Mom? Mom, where are you?" I start crying why? Because, I have no freaking clue why other than my innards are turning inside out.

"I'm right here honey. You're doing great. Becca, can you get me a cold wash cloth, please?"

"I'm on it." Becca turns into my private bathroom to fetch what my mom wants.

"Honey, you need to breathe okay? It will help, I promise." I try to breathe, but whatever is going on around my baby bump is taking my breath away and then, oh that's better.

"Mom? Oh my God mom, I'm so sorry," I cry to her.

"No worries, you're doing wonderfully. It wasn't called labor for just any reason." She puts the cool washcloth along the back of my neck and that feels fucking fantastic.

"Have you checked out the toilet paper they have here? Good God, that will leave you with dingle-berries for sure," Becca says more to herself because I for one am not listening to her anymore.

"Mrs. Rogers, you are only seven centimeters dilated. You have a little bit more time before we will need you to start pushing. I've called the anesthesiologist and he will be here soon to give you more medicine for the pain," the pussy doctor says.

"Well, I think you're doing a fine job love, if you ask me," Becca says, fixing her hair.

"No, no one asked you," I snap at her.

"Check out this. Here's a quiz to see if you might be pregnant. Funny, they put a magazine with this shit on the maternity floor." She looks up and sees my mom's raised eyebrows. "Sorry mom." Becca knows mom doesn't like to hear her talk like that either. "Well, let's take a look and see if this quiz thinks you're pregnant. Question one: Is it time to buy a new bra because your current one is too small? Hmm, I think your jugs have increased in size, so I'm going to answer, yes. Question two: Aunt Flo should have arrived but hasn't. I don't think you've had your period for nine months so I'm going to answer, yes again. Question three: It's late in the afternoon and all you can think about is letting your head fall wherever it is and take a snooze. I'm going to..."

"Beeecaaaaaa stop! I'm going to fucking erupt here!"

"Remember hee, hee..."

"Shut your fucking pie hooooole," I shout and then the pain hits me. "Where is the pussy...?"

"Knock, knock. Mrs. Rogers?" the fucking handsome guy who should not be looking at me like this asks.

"Not for long," I spout. I won't be Mrs. Rogers' for long.

"Excuse me?" Mr. Dreamy Drug Doc asks.

"Oh, nothing. She doesn't think this contraction has much longer." My mom gushes over the fine specimen of a man, while fixing her daughter's misplaced southern belle manners.

"Well it appears the medicine drip ran out and that is what is causing your discomfort. I've hooked you up and it won't be long before your pain eases." Yes Mr. Drug Doc, this is NOT discomfort!

"Okay, I answered yes to taking a snooze in the afternoon. We are three-zero. I'm beginning to think you might be pregnant." Becca smiles. "Question four: You've noticed your nipples are a tad more sensitive. Let's see..."

"Get your fucking hands off my nipples! Sorry, mom."

"I would say yes to the sensitive nipples." Raising her eyebrow, she moves to the next question.

"Mom, can you make her leave?" I beg.

"No honey, she's here under contractual obligations." Becca sticks her tongue out at me. Bitch! "I think Becca is just the distraction you need, Lacey."

"No, what I need is my baby bump to come out or go back to sleep so I can go home. Did Becca get to you? She did, didn't she?!"

"Mrs. Rogers?"

"Yeah? Holy shiiiiitttt get that fucking Dreamy Drug Doc back in here. I'm not supposed to feel soooooo much paaaaaaaaiiiiiiiiin. This is not fucking pressure; it's a freaking earthquake."

"Um, Lacey?" All three of our heads snap up. Forget the fucking doctor. My medicine is standing right in front of me. I'm going to enjoy ripping him free of his nut sack and so much more. Where the hell is my voodoo doll?

"What the fuuuuck are... you... uuuugh... doing here, Caine?" I try to catch my breath so I can chew his ass out for doing this to me. "How did you know I was here?" Becca and mom are quiet, perhaps stunned into silence. Can that really happen to Becca?

"The hospital called me looking for your mom. They said you were in labor and needed to find her for you."

"She's here; you can see that, so you can leave. Fuckkk argh..."

"Lacey, please let me try to help."

"Caine, I don't want your help. Get the fuck out!" I scream as loud as I can, beginning to feel the need to start pushing. Alarms are going off all around me. "Mom, Becca, oh my God, what's happening?"

"It's okay, sweetie. Let me get the doctor. Caine can you hold her hand please?"

"No mom!" Pain shoots down my back and I'm panting. "Uuugh!"

Caine takes my hand. "Breathe through it." I squeeze it as hard as I can without any apologies.

"OH. MY. GOD! I'm going to die. Something's not right."

"It's okay Lacey," Caine tries to comfort me.

"What the fuck do you know about squeezing something the size of a watermelon out of a hole the size of a grape?"

"Good one, Lacey. I love Shirley MacLaine's character Ouiser from Steele Magnolias. She's a firecracker, one I look up to and aspire to be."

Relief washes over me and I feel like I can breathe again. "Becca, you've surpassed her in your firecracker-ish-ness."

"Well, let's finish finding out if you're pregnant. Question five: Your poop schedule has gone extinct."

I give Becca a look that makes her realize I'm not answering that question. "I see, yes to that answer since you don't want to dish the details. Okay, last one. It's Saturday night and you're going out with the girls. Do you slip on your tight little dress or do you choose to wear something a little more comfortable?" She looks up at me. "I'll answer yes to that one after witnessing some of the crap I've seen you in lately. Let's tally your score. You've answered six of the six questions with a yes. According to this quiz's answer guide, you might be pregnant and should see a doctor. Although, it also states it's only a possibility and you should take a test just to be sure."

"Really, Becca? Oh, uh, I feel something, something isn't right." I'm dripping in sweat and the room is starting to spin.

"What is it?" Caine chimes in as the Smurf village returns to my room. Someone please get Gargamel out of here. Smurfs, please keep Gargamel from stealing my essence again. He is not wanted anywhere near me. Help, find a cheap tramp and that should occupy his time for a while.

Pussy doctor is looking at the machines and fishing with something that does not belong up my hoo ha. "Lacey, your baby's vitals are not what they should be when you have a contraction. We are going to need to prep you for an emergency C-section."

"What? Is my baby bump okay? No, this cannot be happening. Please let him be okay, pleeeeeaase! Fuuuckkk..." I can't breathe. Pussy doctor says something about the placenta and I start hyperventilating. I don't know what's going on. Shadows of people are floating around me, but I don't know who's who. My baby. Please God, please save my baby.

"Lacey?" I hear a muffled noise. "Lacey?" Who the hell keeps saying my name? I already know my fucking name. "Lacey!" There it goes again, shouting at me. Why is someone shouting at me? I'm the one going through this shit, and then I don't hear anyone.

~*~*~

For the past three months, I had licked my wounds from Caine's destructive behavior. My shattered heart began mending the moment I stepped out of the apartment that night. Every day I felt stronger as if the old Lacey were making a comeback. Caine had not contacted me, which helped a lot; granted, most of that time he deployed at sea without a way to contact me.

Regardless of the abuse, he had some sort of power over me. A power so great, that I lost all inhibitions when I got near him. Becca was still talking to Lucas. They were pretty tight lately and I was so happy for her. Lucas didn't know the entire story as to why I left Caine. He asked Becca numerous times, wanting to help fix our marriage. She told him it was not her story to tell. Caine refused to talk and if he knew what was good for him, he would keep it that way.

Spending the holidays with my family had been a big help for my mood and it helped put me in a better place emotionally as I prepared for my little bundle to make its grand entrance into the world. I spent most of the time working, decorating for the holidays, and enjoying girl-time with Becca. With her first semester over, she had a lot of free time. Mom's surgery went a lot better than expected. She was just about fully recover. However, because they fused her neck together, she couldn't bend it up and down, side to side, or put her ear to her shoulder, unless she pulled her shoulder up to her ear. So far, her pain had not been too bad, but that might have had something to do with the post-op drugs the doctor prescribed. We found out that degenerative disc disease was the cause of her repeated need for surgeries.

Lane and I covered the stores as much as possible with the help of the ever so popular 'EML' or 'Recluse' as Lane calls her. We were surprised to find out that Alice was actually a nice person. Who would have thought? She was just shy and too nosy for her own good. We had incorporated her into our little family and she couldn't wait to meet baby bump. Alice was a lonely woman and I was now happy that the planets had aligned to bring us together. I thought it had helped her break out of her skin, being at the store interacting with people. It became a win-win situation for all of us. Mom liked to remind me it was all her doing. Lane and I shook our heads and chuckled because we knew it was true, despite our reservations at first.

Beep, beep, beep. What the hell is that sound? I try to open my eyes, but I can't and I don't know if I'm awake or asleep. There are a few familiar sounds and I'm trying my hardest to figure out what it is. It sounds like crying. Baby bump, oh my God, where is my baby bump? I try to move my fingers to my belly; feeling numb, I'm unable to move them. I try my legs; what the fuck is wrong. I can't move; oh my God, what the hell is wrong? I hear the beeping getting louder and louder and the short pulses are hurting my head. The cries sound louder and someone is yelling. What the fuck? And then silence.

~*~*~

I miss the Caine I fell in love with over a year ago. I don't know if it was the stress of having a baby at such a young age or something stemming from his childhood, but he began taking the steps towards becoming an alcoholic almost immediately after moving in together. Maybe it started before and I didn't realize it because we weren't with each other twenty-four-seven. The change in his demeanor was frightening to watch and fall victim to when he continued to drink, despite the problems it was causing in our marriage. I'm glad I got out when I did; scared to think what could have happened to my baby bump or me if I stayed.

Caine was here, wasn't he? Why was he here? I told him I don't want to see him again and if he tried to contact me, I was going to advise his superiors with the reasons for leaving. He wouldn't be that stupid, would he? Is he here to take away baby bump? Oh my God! Why can't I wake up? Where the fuck am I? Where is my baby bump? I need my baby bump, please God. Don't let him take baby bump away from me, please!

There is a scream. Wait, that sounds like Becca. Becca! I try to shout, but nothing is coming out. I try to move any muscle that will listen to me and finally I can feel my fingers. I wiggle my fingers and she fucking screamed again in my ear. For God sakes, Becca! I am kicking her ass out of here the first chance I get. My baby bump, where's my baby? I try to move my hand and it feels as if it weighs as much as a freaking boulder. Okay, my bump is smaller. Where is my bump? The beeping sounds louder, piercing my ears. Somebody beat the shit out of that thing to get it to stop!

I need to open my eyes. Concentrate Lacey, the things hiding the big balls need to move. I can feel my eyeballs moving, that has to be a good sign. Now, open the sealed lids closing you off to the world, Lacey. Finally! I blink multiple times because the room is bright and it feels like I'm looking directly at the sun. And there she is screaming.

"Lacey! Can you hear me, Lacey? Mom, go get the doctor!" It's Lane too! Wow, when did she get here? I turn to look at her and she is wearing the biggest smile.

"Ah," I try to talk, but something's in my mouth. What the fuck? I move my hand to my mouth.

"Lacey, wait for the doctor; you have a tube in your mouth." My eyes grow and fill with moisture as she tells me. Looking around the room, I'm trying to find baby bump. I see Becca and I think Caine, but he's too far and fuzzy. I think my heart just stopped. Is that baby bump? Oh my God, my baby bump. Caine's holding the baby. Thank you God for saving baby bump. Caine begins to walk over while my eyes rain from joy.

The first look at this beautiful creature I helped create took away all of the pain I experienced bringing baby bump into this world. OH.MY.GOD. I'm in love. I try to hold my arms out but another Smurf appears, causing Caine to move away. NO! I want to see my baby.

"Hello, Mrs. Rogers welcome back." The guy who is wasting my time tells me. "I need to check a couple things and maybe we can remove the tube." He shines a fucking bright light in each eye and I try with all my might to close my eyes, but he's holding them open. "Good," he says. No motherfucker, you blinded me. He pulls the earphone thing around his neck to his ears and puts the other end to my chest and waits and waits. He better not be checking me out or I'm serving his balls to him on a hospital platter. "Lacey, your heart sounds good and it appears you are able to breathe on your own now. You had complications during labor that caused you to go into shock. We were able to get your baby out safely before there were any effects to him." Him, I have a boy? Oh my God, I have a baby boy! Baby bump is a boy... my Evan. I need to hold my Evan. "Lacey, I need you to calm down. You cannot get upset with what just happened to you. I know you want to see your baby and you will be able to hold him soon, but we have to make sure you are okay first. You will not be any good to him if you're not well," fucking logical doctor says. Dammit!

After about thirty minutes of poking and prodding me in places nobody has business touching, mom is able to hand me my Evan. He is now my world. I love him already with all of my heart. I know I'm beaming from ear to ear. He is amazing. I will learn how to be the mom he needs. I won't give up on him. I won't let anyone hurt him.

Caine moves to sit next to me. "He's beautiful, Lacey." I look up to his watery eyes. "I'm so sorry for everything, baby. I was a horrible husband to you. I don't know what to do without you. I had so much time to think about things while I was deployed. I've stopped drinking so that I can be a better person. I'm hoping you will let me try to be part of your life and our son's.

Something's wrong with my heart. What the hell did they give me? I shouldn't feel my heartstrings tugging again. Deceitful heart! Caine moves to kiss my temple while Becca, mom, and Lane watch in the background. Why isn't Becca chewing him a new one? Why didn't mom throw him out? I don't understand.

"Lacey, I don't want to upset you right now, so we aren't going to talk about anything but our baby for now. Okay?" I nod. "But, I have to thank you." I look at him questioningly. "Thank you for giving me the best present in the world, Evan."

"How..." My voice is hoarse and it hurts to talk.

"Don't talk for now. Becca told me you were naming him Evan if it was a boy." I figured. I look up at Becca, silently thanking her for everything she has done. I smile at her. "I will always love you, Lacey. Not just because of the person you are, but for giving me Evan," he says with tears flowing down his cheeks.

I look down at my Evan, counting his fingers and toes. He has all of them. There is an IV thing sticking out of his head. That can't be good. I look up at Caine, who reads my questioning look. "That's for giving him medicine. The nurse says its fine and happens a lot when they can't get a vein in their hands or feet." I nod again, feeling relief. He's beautiful and perfect. His skin has an olive tinge to it, just like Caine. His hands are in tight fists, cheeks are full, cutest little nose, and his lips are pressed together in a pouty fashion. Simple perfection, my Evan.

# CHAPTER SEVENTEENT

Consequences

Eight weeks later...

Evan and I were in the hospital for a total of six days. Once I was coherent, mom explained what exactly happened during delivery. The placenta, which happens to nourish the fetus, detached itself from my uterus and became life threatening for the baby. The alarm sounds that annoyed the snot out of me during labor were warning the doctor and staff that Evan was under distress and I was going into shock. Thankfully, they were able to move fast enough to save Evan from any complications or permanent damage. I did not lose as much blood as what normally might happen, saving me from having a hysterectomy.

Evan is absolutely wonderful. I can stare at him for hours as he sleeps or makes the slightest noise. He has big lungs and can wake up people on another continent when he's mad, which happens to be about every time his diaper needs changing. I tell him I'll only be a minute, but the wipes just piss him off to no end. It doesn't matter if they're cold or warm, they're wet, and by the very definition, he doesn't like them. I think it's kind of cute.

Caine spent most of the visiting hours at the hospital holding Evan as much as possible. He went out with a bunch of guys to celebrate Evan. I didn't ask whom he went out with or whether he drank. I'm not ready to dive into that type of relationship. I want to spend my time enjoying Evan. Once released from the hospital, Caine wanted me to move back in with him. I put my foot down and stayed with my parents. I told him that he is more than welcome to visit every day, but I just need my space. He tried to argue, but realized he wasn't going to win. He quickly let it go, at least for now.

Evan is eight weeks old and time as flown. He is now at the point of getting excited when he knows I'm getting a bottle ready for him to devour. The funniest thing is his discovery of his hands. He'll bring one up to his face, inspecting the foreign object as he scrunches his forehead and crosses his eyes wondering what the new thing is for. The muscles in his neck are getting stronger every day and he is holding his head up for longer periods of time. He's my little Hercules who has won over the hearts of everyone. I wonder sometimes if he knows which one of us is his mommy, but I can't complain. My family has been a tremendous help and even Caine's presence during the afternoon or evening is a nice reprieve to do laundry or fix supper. I've gone back to work at the store. The nicest thing about working for your parents is being able to bring your baby to work. One little smile to the customers and they are wrapped around his finger. He's going to be a knockout when he gets older.

Caine has, once again, managed to work his way back into my heart. He has taken a very active role in Evan's life, all the while trying to woo me in the process. I'm skeptical of giving him any more chances. He tells me he still isn't drinking and I hope it's true for Evan's sake. I'm trying to keep a level head around him, but my heart aches for the person I know he can be. I want the Caine that I fell in love with. The Caine who would do anything for me and wouldn't ever degrade or hurt the one he loves. The gentle, compassionate, and intimate Caine is trying to make a comeback; I see it every time he's near. For instance, tonight he's playing on the floor with Evan, talking about life, and making sure he knows the important things in life. He's going to bring me to tears.

"Evan, when you meet a pretty girl who is everything you want in the world, don't ever let her go. Make sure you do everything to make her happy and never hurt her," Caine says while playing with Evan's hands. Evan stares at him like he's an alien, but I hope he is taking Caine's advice. I will do everything I can to raise a gentleman who respects women.

"Awe, come here little sweet pea," Caine gently says to Evan, who begins to fuss. Oh yes, this boy is spoiled rotten; he loves to be held.

"Lacey, I was wondering if I could come over earlier tomorrow. The guys have plans and want me to join them. You're not working tomorrow are you?" Caine asks.

"No, that's fine. We'll be here." Do I dare tell him about the plans I've made; I mean the plans Becca made and demanded my presence? I think I'll keep that to myself. He doesn't need to know.

"Are you getting tired little man?" Caine asks Evan. It's so sweet to watch him look at Evan as if he's his world. I know that look because it's the same look I have for Evan. He is my world.

"It is about that time. Do you want to get him ready for bed?" I ask Caine.

"Sure. Do you mind fixing a bottle while I change him?"

"Not at all. Go enjoy him and I'll be right in there." I prepare Evan's bedtime bottle, reflecting on how easy this mom thing came to me.

I walk into my room, the room I share with Evan, and Caine has him bundled in a blanket ready for bed, but he's rocking him while singing lullabies. I watch from the doorway, my heart heavy with emotions I want, but am scared to have. "Lacey, how about you take him? I want to go get something."

"Okay."

Caine pulls one of dad's guitars down and begins to strum the guitar and sing 'Whatever It Takes' by Lifehouse as I rock Evan to sleep. He's not singing directly to Evan. He doesn't even look at Evan when his gaze rises; he's singing to me. I want to cry because I don't want to love him this much. What am I supposed to do? Can he change? Can he be the person I fell in love with? I didn't realize tears were, in fact, escaping my eyes until he put the guitar down and moved towards Evan and me. He gently pulls Evan from my arms and puts him in his crib. Once he has him settled, he turns around to me. Only I haven't moved a muscle. I'm paralyzed by the overwhelming emotions of what I feel for him. My eyes remain focused on the ground. I'm having a hard time being near him right now. I need to think. I need air. I need Caine to be the person he promised he would be.

Caine kneels in front of me. "Lacey, I'm serious; I'll do whatever it takes. I love you. I'm so sorry for ever laying a hand on you or saying the horrible things I did. I'll live with the regret every day for how I treated you. I don't know how to live without you. We are young, but if we love each other, we can make this work. Please Lacey, give me another chance. A chance I know I don't deserve but am desperate to have. I didn't know what to do when we found out you were pregnant and we got married. It was all happening so fast, even though I begged to take care of you. I got scared and began drinking. I'm so sorry baby. I know I should have treated you better, and I will spend the rest of my life trying to make it up to you if you'll have me." He pauses, grabbing my hands. "Please Lacey, don't keep us apart any longer. You know we are meant to be. We can be a happy little family, just the three of us."

"I don't know if I have anything left in me, Caine. It's so hard to be around you with what you did to me, but also because the person I fell in love with just disappeared. I won't lie. I love you too, but sometimes love isn't enough. I used to be enough for you and then for some reason, I wasn't. I don't ever want to feel like that again. My heart broke so many times over you. I'll always love you, Caine. Always," I say with tears spilling from my eyes.

"Please. God, Lacey, don't let me live without you. We can start over; I can fix this if you give me a chance. I've stopped drinking and I'll do anything else you want me to do so that you'll give me another chance," Caine says pleadingly. "I can't believe I was so stupid baby. I love you and Evan so much. You are my world. I don't want anyone else. I want and need you. You make me better." He moves the rocking chair to pull me into a sweet gentle kiss. I can't resist him. He's broken down the reinforced walls I've built since walking out of our apartment. Is it wrong to want him after everything he's done? Is there something wrong with me for wanting him so bad that it hurts, even after all the pain and grief he caused?

He leans into me, tracing my lips with his tongue. I want nothing more than to give myself to him. He stands and pulls me up with him into a hug. "Lacey baby, I love you and I don't ever want to let you down again." Loosening his hold, he pulls his head back to capture my mouth, wrapping his arms tightly around my shoulders, this time not as gentle. We are in the midst of a heated kiss, relearning each crevice of our mouths searching for our comfort. Caine leads me to the edge of my bed, and we fall back without breaking our kiss. We lie back on the bed, kissing, nothing more. He isn't trying to move this to the next level of intimacy; he's taking it slow. I'm so unsure of everything right now. Our legs are tangled, but our hips don't move. We are simply kissing and it's beautiful. It makes me want this, him, us, our family.

"Lacey baby, I need to go before I screw this up. I love you and I don't want to mess up more than I have. Please know I love you," Caine says, with his hot breath against my neck. I nod and allow him to get up without protesting. "I'll see you and our little man tomorrow. I love you." He kisses my cheek and walks out.

I sit on the edge of my bed and cry. I cry because I'm scared of what will happen if I listen to my heart. As I am getting ready for bed, I relive each tender moment, filling my heart with hopes and dreams of what could be. I fall into a restful sleep.

~*~*~

Caine arrives earlier today to spend time with Evan. We take a walk around the neighborhood. It's a little chilly, but not as cold as a normal late March afternoon. Caine tells me about his possible orders to relocate in a couple of months to Maine. He asks about my plans for college in the fall. I've decided to put them on hold again until Evan gets a little older. I'm sure many mothers attend college, but right now, I'm doing everything I can to keep my head above water. I don't want to add stress to my plate that will cause me to have less time with Evan. He's growing like a weed and needs me more than anything else.

We eat lunch together and the three of us snuggle, watching a movie on TV. Evan sleeps through most of it. Caine occasionally stole kisses from me, making it a really special day. I feel like we are turning our relationship around. When it is time for him to leave, he spends a few extra minutes talking to Evan and telling him how much he loves him. I walk him out, holding Evan in my arms. Caine gingerly kisses me in front of our son, but it quickly turns into something else. Desire, longing, want, and need build in our kiss. Caine rests his forehead on mine, with an arm around Evan and me. It was perfect. I don't want him to go. I don't want to go out tonight. I just want Caine and Evan. They are my future, my everything. "I love you so much, Lacey."

"I love you too," I finally whisper to him. He kisses me again, harder, forgetting Evan is in our arms. Quickly, I ease up, for the sake of our son. We'll have our time. I'm going to take this slow because the last thing my baby boy needs is an emotionally wrecked mommy.

Caine leaves later than he originally planned, which means I don't have much time to get ready before Becca arrives. She will have my hide if I'm not ready. Becca, Trish, and Lane are treating me to a night out. Becca says I need to cut loose and live a little. I just roll my eyes, because she will find any excuse to get me out.

My mom is watching Evan for the evening so I don't have to worry about getting back early. Becca's enthusiasm is contagious. "Are you ready girl?" she asks from my bathroom. I'm sliding my dress on when she comes walking into my room. "Really Lacey, how much longer is it going to take you? You need to get your ass moving. The girls are going to be here any minute." I shake my head at her persistence. I'm tired and could really use more sleep and more Caine. Evan's not sleeping through the night. Waking up multiple times in the middle of the night is beginning to take its toll on my body. I'm grateful for mom's help tonight.

I walk out to where Becca is waiting for me in the hallway. "Woo hoo, girlie you are beautiful. Those girls aren't going to have anything on you." I'm wearing a simple deep purple dress with heels. I'm thankful I'm almost at my pre-Prego figure. I still have a little pooch to work on, but I'm not stressing about it. Evan is my complete focus now, not my body.

"Becca, I'm married. I'm not looking for a sugar daddy."

"Well, maybe you should, because the asshat you're married to doesn't give a shit about spending time with his wife."

"You know Becca, just because a thought pops in your head doesn't mean it should come out of your mouth. We are working on things. He's been really sweet since Evan was born and has been trying." I gawk at her.

"I'm sorry, love. That asshole makes me flip my bitch switch. I think the pig is whacked out for leaving his gorgeous wife at home to go out."

"Becca," I warn. "I don't want to get into it now." I didn't bother telling her I never asked him where he was going tonight. We are taking it slow and I don't want to involve him in my night with the girls.

"Love, one day you'll see what everyone else sees. I promise I won't be that friend to say I told you so, but I think denial has you blinded. He may apologize, but remember I heard what he said to you. That is not all right in any situation. I'm only thinking of you, honey. I don't want to get a call one day that you are in the hospital, or worse, that Evan's in the hospital. I will be here for you but it doesn't mean I like what you're putting yourself through. I will try my hardest to watch what comes out of my mouth. You can only expect so much self-control out of this whipper-snapper." She smiles teasingly.

I hear Lane and Trish honk the car horn for us. "Whatever. I don't want to talk about him right now. Let's go have some fun." I pull her towards the door with my arm around her shoulder. "Oh wait, I'll be right back." I turn quickly to give my favorite little man, Evan, one more smooch before heading out.

Trish is driving us tonight. The girls wanted to make sure I wouldn't have a care in the world tonight. They have been awesome while trying to help me through this difficult time. I couldn't ask for better friends and family. Once we walk through the doors of the club, I smile at the girls. They know I'm ready to take over the night on the dance floor. Now that I'm here, my body is so excited to cut loose. We order waters and take our usual spot just off the dance floor to take in the scene. I was ready to dance as soon as we paid our cover, but I know I must hydrate first. Evan doesn't need a lethargic and dehydrated mom tomorrow morning. That little man is the best thing that has ever happened to me. I thank God every day for giving him to me. I know I'm a young mom and it's not the most ideal time to have a child, but I wouldn't change it for the world.

Becca is right behind me, throwing her water bottle away. We look at each other with big eyes at the song the DJ just began playing. Oh yes, 'That's Not My Name' by The Ting Tings. It's time to get on the dance floor. I look over at Trish and Lane and they are clearly not ready to dance. They roll their eyes at us. Becca and I love to sing this song at the top of our lungs acting like two crazy girls. I'm so happy having a baby hasn't changed anything about our friendship. Becca simply adores Evan and he reciprocates the feelings. I am very blessed for the people in my life.

I've mentally decided to give Caine another chance. It's taken a lot to persuade me. I'm trying to keep him at an arm's length to protect my heart, but who the hell am I kidding? I never stopped loving him and as bad as it got, I still love him. He is Evan's dad after all and as long as he's a good father, he is welcome in his life.

Becca and I mouth the words 'It's not my name, it's not my name.' We are dancing in our own magical world with the song taking over our brains. As this song finishes, Robin Thicke's 'Blurred Lines' flows through the speakers, causing Becca and I to get energized by the up-tempo. We dance closely, throwing our bodies back and forth to the beat. This is such an amazing song to make you feel good. We cause unwanted commotion on the dance floor. I'm so caught up in moving to the rhythm that I don't realize what's going on around me. I love this song because I am a good girl right? Right! Before the song ends, I look up at Becca and smile. She wears a look on her face that I can't read. I go back to my world after smiling at her. Usher's 'Love in this Club' begins to play and my hips move slower to the electric beats in tune to the instruments. I close my eyes and feel the music. The beat pulses my body, describing the emotions through my movements. I twist my midsection and my arms begin to move toward the ceiling. The lights are exploding around the dance floor and sweat begins to trickle done the sides of my face, causing my hair to stick to it. Suddenly, I feel a hand on my hip and I quickly spin around to tell the jerkoff no. Becca and I came here to dance, not to hook up. My heart stops suddenly and I have to remind myself to breathe.

OMG, it's Caine.

That must be why Becca gave me the look earlier. I wonder if she knew he was behind me the entire time. Fuck! 'I know you're scared baby we don't know what we're doing' the lyrics sing. His hands grab my hips to pull me closer. My legs go weak from longing for his intimate touch and embrace. I am so in love with him; I need to stop pretending. My feelings for this man are so intense that I cannot think straight when I'm in his presence. Having him here, staring at me with his intoxicating eyes is helping to break down the remaining barriers between us.

We've always had a magnetic pull on the dance floor. His hips pulse with mine as Usher sings 'Baby let me love you down.' And oh yes, at this moment, he can love me down for God's sake. His arm moves to the small of my back to pull me in closer. Dammit, he is growing in excitement. Has he missed this as much as I've missed it? I'm an emotional mess at the moment. I want him so bad. His other hand works its way into my hair, bringing my face inches from his. The warmth of his breath is sending blood to the pit of my stomach. He gently pulls my hair to move my head back to see the lust in my eyes. He knows exactly what the fuck he's doing and I'm unable to fight back my emotions.

His mouth moves to my ear, breath heavy as he says, "Oh, baby you got it all." The heat of his mouth moves along to my jaw and seals my mouth. He doesn't need to ask for entrance, as my mouth is already open from the heady combination. After last night and this afternoon, I give up. I allow my body to lose control. It's been too long since I've felt this and if this is the last time I feel this, I'll make the most of it.

The hand that's on my back moves south to cup my rear, pushing me into his cock. I'm on the verge of exploding from my longing for him. He deepens the kiss, taking me prisoner. My lips are already swollen from his eagerness. He pulls back, taking my bottom lip with him. I cannot believe I forgot how great a lover he is. His kisses earlier today were gentle compared to now. His lips follow down my jaw, then down to my neck, sending excitement throughout my body. He finds my ear and sucks on its. My arms are on his biceps. I hear him groan, causing a moan to erupt from me. I am so ready for him to take me right here, right now. We've been through so much the past year and we deserve this. We need to be together; I think I believe him when he said we were meant to be. I wonder what this means for our future if I give into him. I know he is feeling this too; his actions are speaking louder than words. He wants me just as bad.

He pulls back to look at me with hooded eyes full of desire. I am immobilized by his stare. He moves my hips in tune with the music and his hands begin to explore my body again. They work their way along my sides as if he has never touched me before. His caress is empowering and fucking sexy as hell. I've moved my hands to his shoulders. I'm almost too scared to move them, afraid I might lose this moment. I'm trying to burn it into my memory. As great as this feels, I'm not stupid, only human, and I cannot deny missing this with him. Selena Gomez's 'Come and Get It' begins and the heat picks up between us. Caine pulls my leg up around his waist like he used to. His fullness presses in my entrance. My body has taken over my thoughts of reality. I am only aware of Caine and the trance he has put me in. My hands move to his back and take in the plethora of muscles under them. This is heaven. I miss this. I wonder if Lane and Trish have seen me on the dance floor with Caine. Lane is going to have a freaking conniption if so.

Caine leans into my ear, "I miss this Lacey; I miss you so fucking much. I was honest yesterday when I told you I wish we could go back in time. I would do so many things differently." I pull back to look into his eyes. I believe he's being honest. He has that look in his eyes. I'm speechless.

We continue to move to the music. Letting go of my leg, he spins me around, placing his hand along my stomach, to remove the distance between us. God I love this. His hot, heavy breath is on my neck and my panties become wetter. I want a night to forget everything that's happened. I want him so bad. My hips move with his and his hardness is pushing into me. Do I have the ability to take him back this soon? We have so much to work out, but my hormones are beginning to get the best of me.

I close my eyes to embrace this moment. I know he would take me if I wanted him to. Do I? I think I need to get some air. I pull away, turn, and look him in the eyes. I think he knows exactly what I am saying in this moment. "I need some water," I tell him. He nods and we make our way over to the bar where we find Lane and Trish in a booth. Lane's eyes grow wide and I give her a look to 'shut up.' Becca apparently found Lucas and they begin to make their way over to the booth as well. We all sit at a booth and order drinks. Even though Lane is the designated driver, she orders a screwdriver. I know she is fully capable of having two or three and still be sober enough to drive, so I don't question her. Trish orders the same drink. Becca and I ask for another bottle of water. Caine and Lucas order beers, of course. Wait, what?

We dive into our drinks. Caine finishes his beer and excuses himself to use the men's room. Becca and I are caught up in a conversation and I nod to Caine. Becca is asking about the new developments in Evan. I swear she is in love with that little heartthrob. God help me when he gets older; he will have the girls chasing after him. After a few moments, I excuse myself to use the ladies room. I make my way through the club, fully expecting to see Caine on his way back since there is usually a shorter line for the men than there is for women. Oh well.

I walk in and am surprised by the lack of a line. I walk past a couple of stalls to get to the open one. I hear moaning. For fuck's sake, someone is having sex in the bathroom stall. I remember when Caine and I did that. It was an unbelievable experience. I will never forget. I finish and walk over to the sinks when I catch a familiar shirt. I stop to turn back. It can't be. Please God... NO! I peek in the stall. OH. MY. GOD. I can't breathe. I say unswervingly, "Oh my God," which causes Caine to turn around and find me noticing him fucking some chick.

The walls are closing in on me. I can't see past what's in front of me. I need to get out of here. I cannot believe this. I rush out of the bathroom without washing my hands and out into the club. I take an alternate route for the door. I cannot confront Becca, Trish, or Lane right now. I need air. Oh my God. Why would he do this? We were just making out on the dance floor. He told me he missed this, so why was he fucking someone in the bathroom? What the fuck is wrong with him?

I am trying my hardest to hold back the tears but I can't. He has ripped my heart out again. I'm pushing through the bodies to get out of here and it's taking me longer than I anticipated. I feel the rush of cool air, knowing I'm close to getting out. I push forward. I don't know if Caine is following me or not; I don't care. I just need to get out of this place and never look back. Fuck, Lane drove. I can't leave.

Wait, I could get a taxi and tell the girls I wasn't feeling well. I make it outside and begin running down the sidewalk towards a more populated area where I can find a cab. I hear Caine's voice. Shit. I begin running faster to keep as much distance between us as possible. I cannot have him catch up to me.

What the hell kind of excuse is he going to lay on me now? No excuse is going to get me to take him back. We are over. O.V.E.R. I can hear footsteps getting closer. Where the fuck is a taxi when you need one? There are always taxis around here. I remove my heels and turn into a full fledge run, hoping he can't reach me before I make it safely away from him in a taxi. I see one coming up the street and relief washes over me.

I glance over my shoulder as I walk out into the street to get the taxi's attention and find Caine right on my heels. I hear him yell, "Look out Lacey!" I turn around to find out what he's talking about. By this time, the taxi is heading straight for me, and the driver is looking for something in the seat next to him. I pull myself to a dead stop, hoping he will slam on his brakes. Oh my God, Evan! My feet are cemented into the pavement. I am paralyzed by fear. Please driver, look up, please.

Caine is screaming my name and I feel something heavy move me. I don't know what it is. My body hurts and everything begins to spin. What the fuck just happened? I try to move, but I can't. Oh my God NO... please no, Evan cannot have this. This isn't fair. What the hell was I thinking going out tonight? Why wasn't I with my son where I belong? My chest is heavy. I don't know what has happened, but I hear screaming around me. I try to talk but I can't as something is building in my throat. Please God, don't take me, please. I need to see my baby, my favorite little man, my Evan. Please God, NO...

# EPILOGUE

Black, everything is black. There is no noise, nothing. Complete and utter silence. Silence I might have been able to prevent if I had chosen to tell Caine about my plans tonight. Silence, I might have been able to do something about if I didn't keep the physical and emotional abuse with Caine silent. If I hadn't been silent, I might have been able to change more lives damaged by my uncle's blatant disregard for the effects of his actions.

All I ever wanted to do was forget my past, the stolen innocence of my childhood. I was a victim of a despicable crime by a family member. I never asked to be a target. I was in a safe environment, my grandparents' house. How does someone enjoy taking something so precious away? How is a person like that created? Silence is my haven. If I don't speak of what happened, it could be erased, or so I thought. A victim is encouraged to talk about the abuse. Dealing with the unpleasant realities of what happened is not something I can handle. No, I prefer to disconnect myself from that time and never revisit those moments again. My silence was destructive because I don't know how many others fell victim to my uncle. My coping mechanism shattered more hopes, innocence and dreams, because I was silent. Children are often thought of as resilient and I'm sure that is true, however, I didn't bounce back; I stuck my head in a hole where it's dark, where it's black.

Dealing with another life-altering event as a teenager is a hardship I would never have traded. It may not be the ideal time to have a child, but sweet Evan is the best thing that ever happened to me. I cherish him so much. I will make sure my baby doesn't become a statistic. He will graduate high school; he will not windup in jail because I will do everything I can to make sure he is successful. That is what a parent does regardless of their age. Parents love, cherish, and set rules and guidelines to help steer their children in the right direction. My Evan will do something worthwhile with his life. My Evan. What just happened? Will I be able to see him again, be able to tell him how much I love him, be able to do all the things I told him I would do? I can't see anything but black, a black canvas absent of all color.

And then there is the cycle of violence. Why did I stay silent? It's not okay for anyone to cause verbal, emotional, or physical distress to another. I was kept quiet. There was a breakdown of communication, anger, and rage, promises that it will never happen again, gifts and make-up sex. Those things kept me silent and afraid to cause more tension, for things to escalate. My final wake-up call allowed me the opportunity to enjoy the final three months of my pregnancy and deliver the handsomest little guy on the face of this earth.

The only thing I'm good at besides silence is running. I run away when I'm scared. I run away when I'm nervous. I run away when I'm sad. Running is another coping mechanism. However, tonight I ran from my destructive past, which led to more silence.

What is going to happen to Evan? What is happening to me? Everything is blank and I don't know if I'm alive or dead. I cannot feel anything. Confusion is all I know. I would give anything to feel something, pain even.

I need to get to my baby boy. My Evan.

# ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS

The journey to write Destructive Silence began when I moved from Maryland to Colorado. I was consumed with working and volunteering every moment of my life and I felt like I was losing part of me. Once the family and I were settled into our new home, Destructive Silence started to come to life.

I understand this book may not be for everyone, but is a tragic reality for so many. I am Lacey. Not only do I feel accomplished for surviving, but also for bleeding my heart on paper. I wrote this with blood, sweat and tears. Lots of them. I lost moments as a mom and a wife, I will never get back, but was needed to write as a sense of healing. I added few fictitious moments to make the story a little more exciting or to add humor where needed.

Most of the time we try to escape our lives by reading books with Happily Ever After; this is not that kind of book. I hope that by writing this, someone might take that giant leap of faith. If you know anyone who is suffering from child abuse, domestic violence and/or alcoholism please try to encourage them to get help and support them when they might take a step backwards. You may never comprehend the how, why and what if's unless you've walked in their shoes.

I have so many people to thank for helping me get from typing my first word to the very moment my fingers hit publish - which might be one of the scariest things I've ever done!

First, I have to thank my beautiful late mother who made me to be the person I am today. Even though your life on earth was unexpectedly cut short, I am so blessed to call you my mom. You were such a strong and amazing woman. I will always love you!!

I'd like to thank my husband, the love of my life. Your support and eagerness (ahem) to take over "Mom's duties" while she hides in her office to enter the world of 'Lacey Land', and your encouragement and understanding during my meltdowns (thanks to Caine) packaged together has made me fall deeper in love with you. Nicholas, thank you for your support and stepping up to the plate to help the family while Mom was absent in her cave writing. Baby Leah, aka my beverage fetcher, you have been an inspiration to help me finish what I started. Your genuine interest, "Mommy, are you going to write today? Mommy, are you going to write upstairs or downstairs? Mommy, what time is Daddy coming home? I'm bored. Mommy, I'm going to write a story too!" I have thoroughly enjoyed sharing each and every moment throughout this process with my family.

My sister, Leah, you have been such an amazing support, pushing me out of my comfort zone. I am eternally grateful to have you as my sister, my friend, but also as my confidant. I love you so much!

To my 'real life Becca', Liz, my best friend and second sister. I never would have gotten through so many life altering events if it weren't for your support and friendship. I love you and know we will be sitting in our rocking chairs at 100 years of age, most likely checking out the latest meat market.

To "The Ladies Who Look Under My Skirt" or as some would call them, my beta readers. Your help, enthusiasm, and suggestions have made this book what it is. I cannot thank you enough for the laughs, the comments (both good and bad) and encouragement. I could write a book to thank each and every one of you.

# RESOURCES

Everybody will experience a tragic moment at one point in his or her lives.

That moment doesn't have to define you!

This story was not easy to write but so many women and men face domestic violence every day. It is hard for those who have not walked in the shoes of the victim to understand how difficult it is to gather the courage to finally leave. I applaud everyone who has taken that step and I pray that someone who is reading this and going through a similar situation will take a leap of faith. YOU are not alone and YOU do not deserve to be treated with anything but the utmost respect!

Teen pregnancy is life altering for the teen herself, but most of the time, she is also shunned from society. Why? Mistakes happen and when a child is having a child, they need ALL the support they can receive.

Alcoholism and codependency were thought to go hand in hand until recently. This addiction affects every race, religion, and social class. It is serious and can lead to immoral activity such as child abuse, domestic violence, assault and more. Persons afflicted with the disease usually isolate themselves from their loved ones as well as world around. A lot of people turn to alcohol to cope with grief and stress. When a spouse or parent drinks to cope, they are unknowingly putting a wedge between alcohol and the ones they love. This person becomes dependent on something innate to feed their need for comfort. People with codependency often form one-sided relationships and is can be a learned behavior often from a dysfunctional family. A dysfunctional family member can be deemed as chemically dependent, by either alcohol or drugs, victim of a physical or sexual assault or untreated mental health. Most people who fall into these categories come from families who did not deal with the issue in a healthy way. These individuals are at risk of adapting by disengaging themselves from healthy relationships.

CHILD ABUSE

Because it is NOT okay to hurt a child - they may hurt MORE than you realize!

CHILDHELP

Prevention and Treatment of Child Abuse

Their mission is to meet the physical, emotional, educational, and spiritual needs of abused, neglected, and at-risk children. We focus our efforts on advocacy, prevention, treatment, and community outreach.

National Child Abuse Hotline: 1800-4-A-CHILD (1-800-422-4453). Calls are taken 24/7.

TEEN PREGNANCY

You have options. You have support. You are NOT alone!

Centers for Disease Control offers resources for parents and teens from prevention to parenthood. CDC advocates a national campaign to prevent teen and unwanted pregnancies. You can find more information on the link below.

http://www.cdc.gov/teenpregnancy/parents.htm

The U.S. Department of Health & Human Services can help you find a family planning clinic. Use the link below.

http://www.hhs.gov/opa/

DOMESTIC VIOLENCE

It is NOT okay-There are NO excuses!

U.S. National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-SAFE (7233) and TTY 1-800-787-3224.  http://www.thehotline.org/get-educated/what-is-domestic-violence/

http://www.domesticviolence.org/

Many abusers are so controlling their victims are not allowed to use the phone or internet. If you are in need to use the internet to report abuse and cannot get to a safe computer, both of the links above have quick access to the information you need. But remember, there is always a trail.

BE safe, but most of all, BE smart!

ALCOHOL AND DRUG ADDICTION

You do NOT have to use it to cope!

The main symptom that defines an alcoholic is if the person continues to drink once it's caused problems with work, relationships, drinking and driving occurring on a continued basis. If you have concerns, there are a number of resources out there that can help.

Alcoholics Anonymous -  www.alcoholics-anonymous.org

Al-Anon/Alateen - www.al-anon.org

National Institute on Alcohol Abuse and Alcoholism - http://www.niaaa.nih.gov/alcohol-health

Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration - www.samhsa.gov

CODEPENDENCY

You do NOT need someone else to make you happy!

Mental Health America

Co-dependency is an emotional and behavioral condition that affects an individual's ability to have a healthy relationship. It is also known as "relationship addiction" because people with codependency often form or maintain relationships that are one-sided, emotionally destructive and/or abusive.

1-800-273-TALK

http://www.mentalhealthamerica.net/go/codependency

# ABOUT THE AUTHOR

Author L.U. Ann moved to Colorado from the Eastern Shore of Maryland with her husband and two children. Life in Colorado is so much different. In Maryland you would find her in the garden tending to her vegetables and flowers, sea glass and shark tooth hunting once a week and enjoying the kids swimming in the backyard. Our lives took a drastic change moving to "Our Little House on the Prairie" at an elevation over 6,000 and the semi-arid climate makes it hard to grow anything. While barely anything can grow where she resides now, the wildlife makes up for it. Mountain Lions and coyotes and rattlesnakes, oh my!

She tries to spend a little time each day writing but domestic chores around the house usually take precedence. She would much rather hide them from her husband. She tends to her loving four-legged friends, who at times become much too demanding when she locks herself in the office. This often results in MORE domestic work; cleaning up after their deviant behavior.

At night, you'll find her begging the kids to go to bed so she can catch up on the latest book before her sister can. Yes, she is an avid reader who escapes her chaotic but wonderful home to the feisty depths of romance land in search of her newest book boyfriend. Shh, don't tell her husband!

She is an artist by the grace of God. She worked as a set designer for six years, helping establish a local children's theatre where she was the scenery artist, set, and prop designer. Before that you would find her covered in paint so engrossed in painting a mural, time didn't exist. Graphic design is her guilty pleasure.

A Destructive Novel:

Destructive Silence

Destructive Choices

Destructive Release

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