- And I went to a Malaysian
restaurant a few days ago
down in Chinatown, right.
I order my food and
then the waiter asked me
if I had any food allergies.
That's not what we do back home.
For street food?
I you eat a peanut and die
we just pack our shit up and cycle away.
(audience laughs)
Oh shit, leave the
chopsticks, lets go son.
(audience laughs)
Why's he on the floor daddy?
He's just taking a nap man,
(audience laughs)
who gives a fuck?
(audience laughs)
Asian parents don't even
believe in food allergies man.
Right?
My parents don't believe in that shit.
You tell parents you have a
peanut allergy they'll be like,
no, no, no, no, no, no such thing.
They're only strong people and
then there are weak people.
(audience laughs)
How can you be a man if a
peanut if a peanut fucks you up?
(audience laughs)
If peanut kill my son,
I have no son, alright?
(audience laughs)
Walk it off, pussy!
(audience laughs)
And what the fuck is gluten?
(audience laughs)
Had to tell parents I
had hay fever last summer
and that's the closest I felt
to coming out the closet.
(audience laughs)
I have something important to say mom,
trees make me sneeze,
(audience laughs)
please don't Sharpie me
off the family photos.
(simulates pen squeaking)
(audience laughs)
Who's that dark figure?
Oh we don't talk about him anymore.
(audience laughs)
He needs Benadryl.
(audience laughs)
Summer fucked him up.
(audience laughs)
My dad doesn't believe in
antibiotics either man,
he thinks it's cheating,
your body has to learn
how to fend for itself.
I'm like, that's not
how chlamydia works dad.
(audience laughs)
I can't just walk that off, okay?
(audience laughs)
