-Yeah.
Uh, we should be able to have
that over to you by Monday.
Yeah, no problem.
[ Chuckles ]
Thank you.
-What the hell is this?
-Oh.
-This is not mega-desk.
-No. It's not.
They call it quad-desk.
-That's ridiculous.
This is made up of three desks.
-Oh, my God.
We're gonna have to rename it,
then, aren't we?
[ Telephone rings ]
-Hello.
Dwight Schrute.
♪♪
-Hey.
-Hey.
-Who are you faxing
so early in the morning?
-Oh, um...
[ Clicks tongue ]
Kinda hard to explain.
I don't have a ton of contact
with the Scranton branch,
but before I left, I took
a box of Dwight's stationery.
So, from time to time,
I send Dwight faxes.
From himself.
From the future.
"Dwight, at 8:00 a.m. today,
someone poisons the coffee.
Do not drink the coffee.
More instructions will follow.
Cordially, Future Dwight."
[ Telephone rings in distance ]
-Noooo!
You'll thank me later.
-Yeah, that looks good,
but you --
you want to initial
in one of these boxes.
-Where is my desk?
-That is weird.
-This is not funny.
This is totally unprofessional.
-Okay, well, you're the one
who lost the desk.
-I didn't lose my desk.
-Hey, calm down.
Where was the last place
you saw it?
-Okay.
Who moved my desk?
-I think you should retrace
your steps.
-Okay, I am going
to tell Michael
and this entire office
will be punished.
-Colder.
Warmer.
A little warmer.
There you go. Ooh.
Warmer.
Warmer.
Warmer. Warmer.
Warmer --
Cold. Cold. Cold.
Back up.
Ooh! Ooh.
[ Telephone rings in distance ]
Warmer. Hot. Red hot.
Hot.
Very hot.
[ Ringing continues ]
-Dwight Schrute.
-Hi, Dwight.
Uh, what sort of discounts
are we giving on
the 20 pound white bond?
-Jim, I've given you
this information,
like, 20 times.
-I know.
[ Toilet flushes ]
It's by the ream?
-Uh, yeah.
-Ream It is now $9.78.
So, it's a discount of 7%.
-Okay, thank you.
Got to get back to work.
-Wash your hands, Kevin.
-Last week,
I may have gone too far.
I'll explain it quickly.
Basically, I found out where
he gets his clothes dry-cleaned,
custom ordered the same suit,
made with tear-away Velcro,
and you can fill in the rest.
-Wha--
[ Laughter ]
Damn it, Jim!
[ Telephone rings in distance ]
-Hey.
-Hello.
Jim!
-What's up, buddy?
-This is not funny.
Why is my stuff in here?
-Wow. That's weird. Ooh.
A dollar for a stapler,
that's pretty good.
-Yeah, well, I'm not paying
for my own stuff, okay?
I know you did this
'cause you're friends
with the vending machine guy.
-Who, Steve?
-Yeah, Steve.
Whatever his name is.
-What do I want?
What do I want?
Ooh, It's a pencil cup.
[ Coins clinking ]
-Oh, no, no, no.
That's my pencil cup.
-Um, I don't think so.
I just bought it.
-Uh, I think so,
and you're gonna
hand it over to me.
-I love these.
-Okay, fine.
Where's my wallet?
-Oh, there it is. J-1.
Here, you know what?
-I don't have any...
-I've got some nickels.
[ Coins clinking ]
5, 10...
15, 20, 25.
[ Cellphone rings ]
-Hello.
This is Dwight Schrute.
Hello?
[ Headset beeps ]
-Hello, this is Dwight.
-Hello? Hello?
-Yes, we do have that.
Hold on one second.
-Jim what are you doing?
-And how many would you like?
-Uh, hang that up right now.
-Absolutely.
I can get that out to you
immediately.
-This man is an imposter.
Do not do business with him.
This is not Dwight Schrute.
-Dwight left his cellphone
on his desk.
So, naturally,
I paired it to my headset.
[ Cellphone rings ]
-Okay, fine.
I'll just let it go
to voicemail.
[ Headset beeps ]
-Hello, this is Dwight.
-Hey, is this Dwight?
-Yes, it is.
-Oh, my goodness.
You sound sexy.
-Oh, thank you.
I've been working out.
-Whoa, whoa, whoa. Pam! Pam!
You're not talking to Dwight
right now.
You're talking to Jim.
-Dwight?
-No!
Pam, I'm over here.
-I'm confused.
-Disconnect that right now.
You give me your earpiece.
-Can't do that. Unsanitary.
-Ugh! Okay.
You know what, fine.
I will reprogram my phone
to go to my office phone.
[ Cellphone beeping ]
Done.
[ Telephone rings ]
-This is Dwight.
Oh, and I forwarded
his desk phone to mine.
Oh, hello, "mater."
Good news, I've married.
Tell "fater."
Such a nice woman
[ Inhales deeply ]
[ Cellphone rings ]
[ Screams ]
-I am on the two-kid
sleep schedule,
so I'm up and at 'em at 4:15,
but no kids,
so I honestly didn't know
what to do with myself,
and then I thought of something.
Uh...
-Here's Dwi--
What the...
[ Door closes ]
Oh, man.
-What do you think happened?
-Looks like Jim got mixed up
with some bad apples.
[ Gasps ]
Oh, no, no, no, no.
It wasn't me.
I gotta find Luwanda
at the Alcohol Club.
Oh.
[ Both scream ]
[ Telephone rings in distance ]
[ Cellphone beeps ]
-It's kind of blurry.
That's better.
[ Inhales deeply ]
[ Sighs ]
Question --
what kind of bear is best?
-That's a ridiculous question.
-False.
Black bear.
-Well, that's debatable.
There are basically
two schools of thought.
-Fact -- bears eat beets.
-Oh...
-Bears, beets,
"Battlestar Galactica."
-Bears do not --
What is going on?
What are you doing?!
-Last week,
I was in a drug store,
and I saw these glasses.
Uh, $4.
And it only cost me $7
to recreate the rest
of the ensemble,
and that's a grand total of...
[ Watch beeps ]
...$11.
-You know what? Imitation is the
most sincere form of flattery.
So, I thank you.
Identity theft
is not a joke, Jim!
Millions of families
suffer every year!
Michael!
-Oh, that's funny.
Michael!
-[ Sighs ]
-Morning, Dwight.
-Who are you?
-[ Scoffs ]
Who am I?
I'm Jim.
We've been working together
for 12 years.
Weird joke, Dwight.
-You're not Jim.
Jim's not Asian.
-You seriously never noticed?
Hey, hats off to you
for not seeing race.
-Alright then, Jim, uh,
why don't you tell me
about that sale
that you made yesterday?
-Uh, Wellington Systems?
Sold them 10 cases
of 24-pound letter stock.
Or were you talking
about Krieger-Murphy?
Because I didn't
close that one yet,
but I'm hoping I've got
a voicemail from Paul Krieger
waiting for me.
-Please enter your password.
You have one new message.
-How did you know?
No! No, no.
That is sensitive information.
Only for employees,
not outsiders!
-Dwight, cut it out.
I'm trying to work.
-You don't work here!
You're not Jim!
-Jim, I got us that
dinner reservation.
Grico's, 7:30.
-Oh, great. Can't wait.
-Jim's at the dentist
this morning,
and Steve is
an actor friend of ours.
-I don't know who you are,
but you are not Jim.
This is Jim!
Oh, m--
Oh, d--
Oh, how did --
[ Sighs ]
