 
RUNNING FROM BEIGE

The Ties That Bind Series

Book 1

By Terri Marie

Terri Marie

Copyright © 2012 by Terri Marie

All rights reserve

Smashwords Edition

All characters, places, and events were created from the imagination of this author. Some of these cities, towns, and popular businesses do exist in Michigan but are merely used as background for this novel of fiction. Any resemblance to real people, other places, and events is strictly coincidence.

This book may not be copied or reproduced, in whole or in part, without written consent from the author.

To my dearest friend, Meredith Ciotti, who spent countless hours editing and pouring over my manuscript.

Without you, this wouldn't have been possible.

Let us not close our ears to a woman in pain.

Let us not shield our eyes from evidence of abuse.

No woman has to become a statistic

1

She sits on her kitchen stool, gazing out the window as if on a perch. The lake she looks upon is one of the most beautiful pieces of black glass that she has ever seen. The trees seem to reflect in this mirror a perfect kind of symmetry, as if demonstrating to her how much she lacked and that her life was far from balanced, let alone beautiful. But at the same time, Connie was unable to avert her eyes. It's mocking me!

The only movements usually seen this hour of the morning are slow ripples from when the loons touch the water, or from the feisty fish that caught the bug in record speed. Sometimes when she's lucky, she gets to watch the eagles soar down with massive speed and accuracy, and pluck up large fish. The deer stop and drink, and the black bears can occasionally be seen roaming the shoreline. But not this morning...everything seemed to just stand still.

The air is so crisp; just another tell-tale sign that summer has moved over to give birth to fall. Wouldn't it be nice to start over again with each passing season? Most of the leaves are already exposing their beauty, giving a handful of new colors to even the most elaborate rainbow.

There is nothing better than to be where I am right now, thought Connie, as long as I pretend that I'll never have to get up. As long as I pretend my life is better than it is. As long as I believe the twenty year old lies.

Connie sipped her lukewarm coffee, made the way she's always made it, with one Equal and a third of a mug of nonfat milk. Her dream-like state continued as she sat on her white wicker stool at the kitchen island. It was the only stool she had left out of the set of four and it had grown worn and tattered over the years, but was still so comfortable. Connie sighed as she recalled past conversations. 'Why can't we buy more stools?' "We're the only two here. I don't sit there." Why do I bother asking?

The sun had climbed up over the horizon before Connie was able to break the trance. When she looked up at the wall, she was shocked to see that it was eight o'clock. Had she really been sitting here staring out the window for nearly three hours? I seem to stay lost in time. She knows that she has been daydreaming more and more lately.

She went into the bathroom and picked the newspaper up off the floor where her husband Randy had left it. I hate this room! How long do I have to live with black and pink tile?

It seemed like everything was magnified, as if she was looking through someone else's eyes and noticing irritating things for the very first time. Connie and Randy Hiller had lived in this same house since the birth of their daughter. No home improvements had ever been done, even though Connie knew they had the means to do so. We have plenty of money!

Connie closed her eyes while she walked around her house. She thought about riding in one of those big old-fashioned cars, like at the state fair. She wondered if she, too, was on a predetermined track: no steering was needed and no thinking was necessary. Connie opened her eyes and tried to shake those thoughts from her head.

She flipped through the newspaper while she strolled back through the dining room. This time last year she was putting her daughter on a plane. She remembers crying like she had never cried before. When she had to walk away from the boarding gate, her husband slipped an arm in hers. "Come on, hun. She's a grown woman. She'll be fine. You knew this moment was going to happen when you agreed so strongly to her leaving, so get a little bit of a grip. You're making a scene."

I must be having a mid-life crisis. These things never bothered me before...or did they and I've just reached the end of the road? This is just a phase I'm in. All of this will pass and I will be more sound minded. Crazy...that's what I am right now.

She wondered how Sandy, her almost twenty-year-old daughter, was doing. Because of her busy class schedule, Sandy was usually only able to call once a week on Sundays. She left home when she was nineteen. Connie had agreed with her that she should take the scholarship she received to go to Europe and study Culinary Arts. What was here for her precious daughter and only child, a replica of her own life? I have become this kitchen stool. Sandy came home only during the holidays and Connie missed her terribly, but knowing that her daughter had a chance for something better made the pain from missing her worth it.

Connie heard her husband holler towards the dining room on his way outside, saying he'd be home at six. Does he ever say goodbye, have a nice day, or anything different?!

Randy worked at the only local bank in Sutton, Michigan. His father, Randolph Hiller, was president at Sutton Bank and Trust until he retired, and then Randy followed in his footsteps, as was expected of him. Randy and Connie have known each other all of their lives and ended up being high school sweethearts. Randy was the quarterback and Connie, a cheerleader. Of course, they got married. That, too, was expected.

Most people had a tendency to graduate and move on. Get the hell out of this place! But the ones that were tied to this little town in Leelanau County grew up and took over the family businesses. Everyone knew everyone, or at least their family name.

Tourists were much needed in this town and could be spotted a mile away, or heard a mile away if they kept food in their tents at the campground on the resort. The black bears love tourists! Connie ran the resort they now owned, which was also passed down from Randolph. But she didn't have to do much, as her staff was more than competent. Other than checking in every morning, her days were pretty free. I shouldn't be complaining. I'm just being ungrateful and feeling sorry for myself. After twenty years of marriage, what else should I expect?

She stared at her husband as he put his briefcase in the truck. He wore gray pinstriped suits nearly every day, along with his black loafers. His pressed white shirt and dark gray tie matched his dark suspenders and gold tie clasp perfectly. His hair, dark brown and brushed straight back as it was in high school, was graying at the temples. He still held his six-foot frame well. His chest was still muscular as were his arms, but she had watched the small, tight stomach develop a love-handled bulge over the years. Every day is the same for him. How can he stand it? Every day is the same for me, and I hate it. Connie shook her head again, trying to rid herself of these thoughts she had, knowing she had no right to be thinking them.

She quietly wished he would stop saying that he'd be home at six as he walked out the door. He has been coming home at six o'clock in the evening for their entire marriage. And dinner, his dinner, has always been on the table by six thirty. There really isn't a reason for him to come home any earlier other than to help around the house or cook dinner for a change. But that has never happened, nor would it happen. She knew that Randy was incapable of doing anything domestic inside their home. "That's what you're here for, hun!" Hell, she would be happier if he just wanted to come home for a nice conversation.

What is wrong with me?

Connie walked into the living room and sat on the sofa that over looked Still Water's Lake and Resort, the same beautiful view she received from her kitchen perch. The trees began to sway as the September winds blew down from the mountains.

The resort stayed open all year round as the snowmobilers and other tourists that enjoyed winter sports flocked to northern Michigan. But now, tourists were in town to enjoy the changing colors of the leaves. The sights were spectacular. Her gaze shifted as she watched Char's housekeeping cart get dragged from room to room. She lazily noticed the lake had a few fishermen in boats around nine this morning trying to catch the trophy fish. Tourists, she thought. Regulars would've been on the lake well before sunrise with lanterns on their small boats.

Connie picked up her cordless phone and called the front desk.

"Still Water's Resort," said Frank, the sixty-year-old receptionist.

"Good morning, Frank. It's just me."

"Hey, Connie. What's new in your zoo?"

"Same ole, same ole." She had nothing new to say to Frank. "I'm just calling to check in. I have some errands to run, so if I don't answer at home, call me on my cell."

"You always say that when you call me, and when was the last time something happened that I had to call you?"

"Hmm, well you've got me there."

"That's why I'm still working here. I ran the place for Randolph and I'm still doing a pretty darn good job of running it now. Other than a fire, I don't think I'll be bugging you." Frank let out his jolly old-man chuckle.

"You're still the best, Frank."

She hung up and tried to make a mental note about not calling Frank every morning. Still in her flannel pajamas, because that's what she always wore, Connie reached over and picked up the new magazine All Woman, which her best friend Suzy had convinced her to buy. Sex, makeup, and fashion...Why am I reading this? Quickly flipping through the magazine while laughing at the amount of goop these young women were throwing on their faces--not to mention their very skimpy clothing--Connie reached the end of the pages and put it back in her magazine rack, which perfectly matched the rest of her out-of-date furniture. I match my furniture.

She went to her bedroom and made the bed of spring green flannel sheets over a down-feather bed with a white-down comforter. The matching throw pillows and shams made her smile every time she thought about the purchase. She ordered the whole thing right out of the JC Penny catalog. It was the only new item she purchased this year without Randy's say-so. He complained feverishly all evening until he awoke the next morning, saying that he hadn't slept that soundly in a long time. His good night's sleep could have been from the six pack he drank at the Tavern, but she wasn't going to remind him.

Connie went to the dresser and pulled out her jeans, her green sweatshirt with a deer on the front, and warm socks; all ordered with Randy's approval from the Cabela's catalog. She had to be careful to order only those things that were on sale, practical, and not flashy.

She stood in the bathroom and struggled to get the brush through her long, wavy brown hair. It was still the same style as her high school days, but the color had faded over the years. She looked at herself in the full-length mirror. The mirror still held scratch marks on the bottom portion of the glass and wood from two-year-old Sandy's creative demonstration with a set of Randy's car keys. Connie was displeased at her very plain and ordinary reflection. "They see silk in the cities, hun, not up here," Randy would recite when she asked about clothes shopping.

She looked back in her closet at the two dresses she owned, both purchased at Kmart. One was black polyester and nylon, with long sleeves that zipped up the back and clung to her. She was already feeling self-conscious about her less-than-perfect waistline, tummy, HIPS, thighs...Oh what the hell. I hate my whole body! She could only feel comfortable wearing this dress when she was able to sit with her coat lying across her lap. The other dress reminded her of material left over from some old person's slip covers. It was blue with hideous flowers. Both dresses were on the clearance rack, and Randy helped her pick them out. He didn't even comment on the looks of the dresses or how they made Connie's pale skin look even more washed-out. She tried to complain. "Hey Connie, would ya lookie 'ere...seven bucks!" It was fruitless.

Randy's idea of taking Connie out on the town for a special occasion consisted of meeting Suzy and her husband Blake Worthington, also married for twenty years, at the Still Water's Tavern for beer, pool, and conversations about golf. The only activity she was engaged in with Randy was the beer part. As a matter of fact, Connie and Suzy were equally ignored. Maybe she had no right to complain. After all, the men were consistent in taking them out most Friday and Saturday nights.

"Why, the Tavern even makes a great pizza for eight bucks! Why waste gas driving all those miles out of town to Commons to that Big Boy place that keeps upping their prices?" The prices hadn't changed. Oh well, the men knew what was best, so she'd been trained. It didn't seem to matter that Randy ran the bank and owned a resort. He looked so ridiculous talking as if they were destitute amongst the town folk. He would just continue drinking and laughing like a ten-year-old. "After six, everyone is equal," he'd chime. Except the women, Connie thought.

She also began to think about Estelle, his secretary. She was sixty-one and has been the bank secretary forever it seemed. She was one more thing that was handed down from Randolph. She wouldn't take any crap from him. She would up and slap him bald headed! Connie thought that maybe she should call Estelle and have lunch with her real soon.

The phone startled Connie when it rang.

"Hey," began Suzy, "Marge Wilson is having a Tupperware party next Saturday at two thirty. Are you going to go?"

"My Tupperware multiplies on its own. I have more than enough Tupperware. I have some pieces that I've never used. I have some that I don't even know I have."

"Come on. She's kind of weird. She reads palms and does psychic crap. I don't want to go alone."

"Then don't go."

"I have to go. She buys all of her cars from Blake and he said the least I could do is go and order some stuff from her."

"Tell Blake to go then."

"Okay. Why are you so pissy?"

"I don't know. I just am."

"Your time of the month...?"

Connie sighed heavily.

"Well, no need to sit and sulk all by yourself. Let's drive out to Commons and have lunch and shop."

"I don't know. I feel guilty. I just ordered a bunch of stuff from Cabela's. I don't think I should be spending all this money on things that I don't even need. I mean, I don't even go anywhere that requires anything other than what I wear every day." Connie looked down at her clothes. My God, I'm pathetic.

"I'll pick you up in half an hour."

"Wait a minute. I didn't---" Connie listened to the dial tone. Shit.

2

She heard the horn beep and slid her old wool jacket up over her arms. She grabbed her purse and cell phone and headed out the door. There was no need for her keys. Nobody ever locked their doors in Sutton.

Climbing in Suzy's Jeep, Connie began complaining, "I shouldn't be doing this. I didn't even call and tell Randy I was going, and what if Frank needs me?"

"Would you listen to yourself? You have a phone. Call Randy if you absolutely feel you have no other option, but Frank has never called you for your help. Seriously, just listen to yourself."

"Why are you so eager to get out of town, Suzy, you're never this way. What's up with you?"

"Did you read that new magazine? That All Woman you bought?"

"Hang on a second. I have to call Randy."

"Good God. Well, that answers my question." Suzy shook her head and put the Jeep in reverse. Backing out of the long, narrow driveway lined with pine trees, she glanced over at Connie. Having been best friends with her since before kindergarten, she knew this woman next to her better than anyone.

"Hi, Randy, I just wanted to let you know that I'm going out to Commons with Suzy...We're going to have lunch and shop...I don't know, but I'll be back in time to fix dinner...No, I won't. No, I don't have much money on me, Randy...I know I spent money on the order from Cabela's...Don't worry...No, I won't make this a habit...Okay, I'll see you at six."

"For the love of God...You have to read that magazine."

"I did!"

"You didn't!"

"Yes, I did." Connie wasn't in the mood to argue with anyone.

"No, you didn't."

"Well, I flipped through it and I wasn't impressed."

"That's not reading it. You have to read it! Promise me you will."

"Okay. But then you have to promise me that we won't discuss it again, alright?"

"Agreed..."

∞ ∞ ∞ ∞

Commons wasn't a bad place to go. Tucked in the mountains sat a Kmart, a Big Boy, a theater, a roller rink, and even a small mall. There are usually a fair amount of people in this area because around here, it's where all the action is. It's only a twelve mile drive from Sutton, Connie sadly thought in response to all of Randy's rationalizations that he used over the years. I must not even be worth a twelve mile drive...

"Let's eat first. I'm going to take us up here to Big Boy," said Suzy. "I'm starving and I want to sit in that section that has all the windows."

Two Slim Jims with fries and a trip to the salad bar...More harping from Suzy about that useless magazine, window shopping, and people watching. Connie kept her eye on the time, but no matter how hard she tried she just couldn't seem to pay attention.

Connie and Suzy stopped and talked to many folks they knew, some they liked and some they didn't. Marge Wilson was walking out of Sears just as Connie and Suzy were walking in.

"Oh, Shit!" Connie blurted out as she ran right into the back of Suzy, crunching her take-out cup of Diet Coke between them.

"Oh, hello ladies..."

"Hi, Marge," Suzy replied in her fake 'I like you' voice that she is forced to use at Blake's company parties.

"Marge, you remember Connie, don't you? "

"Of course, silly, her Sandy and my Edward went to school together." Marge raised her chin slightly and upon her tight lips she held a kind of grimace.

"Connie, certainly you're aware that you are walking around with a very large, dripping, wet spot on the front of your sweatshirt?"

"Yes, Marge...I am. I just wasn't paying attention and I ran right into the back of Suzy."

"Well, wait a minute. I have some Kleenex...no, I don't."

"That's okay, Marge. It's no big deal."

"Well, just be glad you happen to be wearing that old, worn-out sweatshirt instead of something like this!" Marge held out her arms to display her own rose colored silk blouse that matched her silk skirt. If she only knew that Connie just got this sweatshirt from the catalog order...

I hate this woman! "Have a nice afternoon, Marge," Connie blurted out as she continued to walk into Sears. Her cheeks were on fire.

"Wait, Connie. I'm having a Tupperware party and I'd be just thrilled to have you come."

"Thanks, Marge," Suzy interrupted. "If we can make it we will."

At three thirty they left to return to their normal lives. Connie doesn't know why she even bothered leaving her house. She could have made a tuna sandwich at home, stared out her own window, and saved herself some humiliation.

Connie turned on the radio and hummed to Patsy Cline while she made baked chicken, green beans cooked with bacon, mashed potatoes and biscuits with gravy, salad, and homemade apple pie for dessert, baked yesterday. And the most important part of the meal would be looking for approval from her husband for only spending a little on lunch, and that was it.

While Connie cooked dinner, she tried to do so without reminding herself about her ugly green stove. It was purchased when they moved into their house twenty years ago. It was a discounted one from the Sears out in Commons. "Hey, Connie, would ya lookie 'ere?" 'I don't want this one, Randy. It has a noticeable dent in the front and it's green! For a hundred dollars more we can get that nice white one. We have the money!' The back burner on the right hand side didn't even work anymore. The timer didn't work either, so Connie had to use the microwave timer, and the oven didn't get as hot as it used to, so she had to cook food longer than normal.

Waiting for Randy to get home was usually a downtime for Connie. Sometimes, she would lie on the couch and close her eyes for a few minutes, but not this evening. She found herself back on that mindless track, wondering what in the hell was wrong with her. Is this what happens when your kid moves out of the house?

She picked up the paper again and finished thumbing through the pages. The Howard brothers got arrested for being drunk and disorderly. The police were contacted when eighteen-year-old twins were caught pissing on Mrs. Haab's bushes behind the Still Water's Tavern...There were plenty of warnings about leaving garbage bags outside your house. More humorous bear stories involving tourists. A fifty-four-year old man was chased back to his car after trying to photograph a black bear while it was eating berries. The man apparently snuck up on the bear, wanting to get a close-up for his friends back in Ann Arbor. The bear kept the pictures and the camera. There should be a local tourist class offered on Common Sense, Connie thought.

After dinner, which included no small talk, Connie became more aware of the only sounds...chewing and silverware racket. Randy grabbed a beer from the fridge and sat back to watch the news. CNN reporters get more attention than I do. Connie believed that if she stood in front of him naked, he wouldn't watch her. If she showed up at the Tavern with her hair ratted up on top of her head, he would notice then because Randy hates change and any form of attention in public. I need to stop acting like this...

"I had a really good time with Suzy over at Commons," began Connie as she tried to strike up conversation with a smile on her face.

"Wonderful!"

"I didn't spend any money, except for lunch."

"That's great, hun."

"I had a really good lunch at Big Boy."

"Good for you, hun."

"We ran into some people we used to bowl doubles with when we first got married."

"I'm glad, hun."

"I wish we would go to Commons together sometime. We could just hold hands and stroll around the mall."

"That's nice, sweetie."

"I think we would have a good time."

"Good for you, babe."

"Do you think we could do that sometime, just us, as a couple?"

"Good for you, hun."

"I wish you wouldn't ignore me when I'm talking to you."

"That's wonderful, hun."

"I just shot everyone at the bank, and now I'm going to stab you in the back of the head with an ice pick!"

"Good for you, hun..."

∞ ∞ ∞ ∞

Suzy cleared the table while Blake went to stretch out on the couch and watch the evening news. She brought him a beer knowing that he would ask her for one soon enough. She wrapped up the dinner leftovers: meatloaf, steamed baby carrots, mashed potatoes and gravy, French bread, and homemade peach cobbler for dessert.

"I drove out to Commons with Connie this morning."

"Well, that's good." Blake's eyes still glued to the television.

"We went to lunch at Big Boy."

No response from Blake.

"Want to know what we ordered?"

"...Hmm?"

"I asked you if you wanted to know what we ordered."

No response from Blake.

"Guess who we ran into at Kmart?"

"...Hmm?"

"I asked you if you wanted to guess who we ran into."

No response from Blake.

"Jim and Nancy. I guess they're not getting a divorce after all. They were holding hands. Jim was whispering in Nancy's ear, and Nancy was just giggling up a storm. They looked so cute." The last time you held my hand was during labor nineteen years ago when I was delivering Brenda, and you never whisper in my ear unless you're embarrassed and have forgotten someone's name.

No response from Blake.

"I'm dying my hair from drab, dishwater blonde to green, and I spent seven hundred and fifty dollars on sexy underwear at the mall. You'll be wearing thongs from now on!"

No response from Blake.

3

Connie was standing at the sink doing dishes when the phone rang.

"Connie, it's me."

"God, Suzy. I haven't seen or spoken to you in such a long time!"

"Yeah, well, I've called to remind you to read that magazine."

"Oh. I got busy cooking the gourmet meal and I forgot all about it."

"Please, promise me you'll read it."

"I promise I'll try to remember to read it. I mean, after all, my days are so packed with adventure that getting distracted is a true possibility."

"Connie, come on. I'm not asking you to paint the garage. I just want you to read a magazine..."

"Alright, I just have to do a few more dishes and then I'll go in the other room and slowly go through each page."

"Call when you're done."

"Okay, but afterward I hope I'll be able to get the point of all of this."

"I hope so too."

Connie waved goodbye to Randy's back as he left again to go to a meeting at the bank. She then went in the front room and picked the magazine back out of the rack. Connie sighed. She looked at this gorgeous young redhead on the cover: perfect hair, perfect makeup, perfect everything. All Connie could think about was, My God...I'm going to be forty-one in five more months. She couldn't figure out why Suzy was trying to depress her so badly. But a promise is a promise. Slowly, she flipped through each page. She even did the scratch and sniff for the new fragrances. Nice, she thought. Seventy-five dollars for one small bottle! I spent nine dollars at Kmart. Randy would have my ass! Some of the clothes were hideous, decided Connie. But some of them were very sexy. If I lost fifteen pounds I wouldn't look so bad in that. Randy wouldn't even notice until he saw the receipt.

Randy tries to stay awake for the eleven o'clock news and ends up falling asleep in the recliner. She usually wakes him up if she's still awake or else he stammers into the bedroom around one thirty in the morning. He doesn't remember any of this, so her guess is that Randy's even asleep after he wakes up. But if she showed him a receipt where she spent a decent amount of money, he'd snap right the hell out of it. She remembers a time when she went to Sears and purchased a blouse for thirty-four dollars. Randy drove her to the store himself and made her take it back.

Connie went more slowly when she reached the makeover section. After all, she only wears makeup for special occasions...and she knows the outcome of that. But these women wore just a little bit, applied a special way, and looked so beautiful. The last time she tried to be pretty on their night out at the Tavern, Randy said, "What's that crap you got all over your face?" in front of everyone. Connie was fit to be tied. She ran to the bathroom and didn't want to come out, even after washing her face at the dirty sink. Suzy had to spend forty-five minutes trying to convince her that she did indeed look beautiful, that Randy was just jealous and didn't want any other men looking at her. Secretly, they both knew this was a lie.

Still, Connie twirled her hair around her finger and took a good look at the strands. I wish my hair wasn't a plain dark brown. I would love to have red hair! There was no use in dwelling on that. Her hair was down to the middle of her back as always. It wasn't too bad when it was wet, but as it dried it would frizz so bad that getting anything through it was impossible. It looks like a nest, she thought, a drab, ugly mess. Connie decided that so far this magazine was making her feel fat and ugly. She put the magazine back in the rack and shut off the light.

Connie sat in the dark for what seemed like hours. What was it about me that made Randy want me? Or did he? She couldn't get the question out of her mind. She asked him before and his response had been, "...Because I fell in love with ya, hun." But she was always hungry for more specifics, and that would make him mad. "Why is this always an issue with you? What do you want me to say?" That, of course, would shut down the whole topic for Connie. I shouldn't have to prompt him.

She remembers all the times when she'd ask him, 'How do I look?' And he would say, "Real good, hun." But she knew in the back of her mind that he never even looked at her long enough to register any thoughts. If she came up missing and he had to give the police a description of what she was wearing, or for that matter, what she looked like...well she'd definitely be a goner.

Connie turned the light back on and reached for the magazine. Finally, she came to some articles: "Is your man cheating?" No, not unless he can do so in a coma, she thought. "Learn the art of massage." She didn't think she wanted to put him to sleep quicker. Connie put the magazine on the sofa beside her. I am not going to read this. This is ridiculous.

Connie stood up and looked at the clock. It was eight forty-five. She could go take a hot bath and maybe...no. She wasn't in the mood, nor was she entertained at the thought of setting herself up for feeling unimportant and even less desirable.

∞ ∞ ∞ ∞

Suzy finished up the dishes and hung the towel by the stove. He works so hard every day. I should be grateful. He pays the bills while I get to stay home unless the school calls me in to substitute teach. I need to learn to give a little and understand more. Suzy walked over to sit on the edge of the couch next to him. He backed up to make room for her.

"Hun, hand me the remote."

"Where is it? I don't see it." Suzy began to scan the floor and the coffee table.

"It was right there, around where you are."

"No, I don't see it."

"Well, get up, you're probably sitting on it."

"Oops, sorry...Here it is."

"Good God, Suz, you smashed off the back cover and knocked the batteries right out of it! Move over there and sit down! There's not enough room here for the both of us!"

We used to lie side by side on this couch. I used to sit here and bend to give you wet, sloppy kisses that always ended in us...

"Grab me a beer, would you, hun?"

Suzy fetched the beer. She wasn't in any mood to start a fight. It was useless. He wouldn't pay attention to her enough to even get the damn point, let alone contribute towards a solution.

She walked into the spacious master bathroom and climbed up the two steps to the large bathtub. Blake had it put in on their first wedding anniversary. It was large enough for two adults. Unfortunately, she was the only one who ever used it. She turned on the hot water. I wish I could live in here.

Walking back to the bedroom, she shed her clothes: blue jeans and a tan-colored turtle neck under a matching sweatshirt that had a picture of a bear and her cubs on the front, with "Sleeping Bear Dunes" written in the lower left hand corner.

She pulled out clean white cotton briefs and flannel pajamas. Opening her closet door, she bent to grab her moccasin-style slippers. The mirror on the closet door caught her eye.

When did this happen to me? Drab, dishwater-blonde hair well past her shoulders and all one length, circles under her eyes that hadn't seemed to have been there before. When did those extra pounds creep up? When did she get that pale? When did I become this unimportant to myself?

Slowly, Suzy turned her face from the mirror that was holding her eyes hostage for too long. She tried to recall kind words from Blake to comfort herself. "I like the way you look, Suzy, unlike all those other women who are high maintenance, you have the natural look and that's what I like. Besides, makeup and flashy clothes just make you look like you're trying to be eighteen again. I like that you focus on inner beauty." Blake had always been so adamant about her never changing.

She walked to the bathtub, poured in the Calgon, and slowly slipped into the water. She stared at her thighs. They never used to spread out so far when she held them flat. She rubbed her hand slowly over two stomach rolls. Soon her tears began to blend with the water that was covering this foreign body. The news was still blaring from the living room as Suzy slipped underneath the water and held her breath, hoping that all of the unwanted would float to the top and fly away. When she rose to the top and gulped air, she looked down and everything was still the same...everywhere. I should write the damn company that makes this stuff. It smells great, but Calgon doesn't take me anywhere!

After her bath, Suzy grabbed her white fuzzy robe and wrapped it around herself. Maybe she was just overreacting. She might have been obsessing about that magazine article a little too much. Maybe she should be giving her husband the benefit of the doubt. She has been known to over do it in the emotions department. She just has to keep reminding herself that Blake is a good supporter, financially that is, but in her heart she desperately wishes it could be more.

Slowly she takes a few deep breaths. Suzy walks down the hallway and decides to make it up to Blake; after all, she hasn't been treating him very fairly. With her robe untied in the front, Suzy saunters over to the couch. The television is on and there he is...sound asleep. He can't stay awake too long. He works so hard. She'll just lean over and kiss his face lightly, rub her fingers around his stomach just the way he likes it, undo that belt with just a slight tug, rub his thigh...this is the beginning of the things she has in store for him. Tonight she is ready to rekindle the forgotten flames.

"Jesus Christ, Suz! I'm tryin' to relax here! What are you doing? I don't...What time is it? Shit, I almost missed the hockey game. Hun? Where are you going? You can still sit here. Hey! Can you grab me a beer on your way through the kitchen?"

∞ ∞ ∞ ∞

Suzy lies awake and listens to the muffled sound of the television and an occasional shout from Blake at the screen. The game ends at twelve thirty in the morning and she waits for her husband to come down the hall, open the bedroom door, peel his clothes off, and climb under the blankets. But there is no such sound. She heard the refrigerator door open up a couple of times, so she knows he must have fetched his own beer. She had needed to hurry up to the bedroom so he wouldn't see her flushed cheeks and the dampness in her eyes.

Maybe we need a vacation together, some quiet time alone with no phone, no television. I will look into a nice getaway for us the first thing in the morning. Suzy begins to yawn while she tries to think of far away places. Her last vacation with Blake...How many years has it been? Suzy falls asleep.

The last call for their flight sounds from overhead. She begins to run toward the gate. Blake is running right behind her. She can hear the carry-on bag rubbing against his trench coat. A newspaper is rolled up and sticking out of his pocket. She boards the plane. Where's Blake? He was right behind me! Panicked, she gets out of her seat and begins to look for him. She runs off the plane. "Ma'am, you'll have to take your seat!" She runs through the aisle, off the plane, and through the gate. She is calling him. She sees him, finally, and keeps yelling. "Blake! Over here!" He is running in the opposite direction! She begins to run towards him and tries to get him to turn around. The faster she runs, the farther away he appears to be. She runs back toward the boarding gate. She wants them to hold the plane and call her husband over the speakers. Suzy is running so fast her chest feels like it's on fire. She glances at the movement out of the large viewing window. There on the runway is their plane. She sees Blake on the plane staring at her through the passenger window. He is waving. Hey! She stares at him in disbelief as he smiles and waves. The plane takes off without her.

Suzy abruptly wakes up hearing herself yelling the word "Stop!"

∞ ∞ ∞ ∞

Connie begins to run the vacuum the next morning and picks up the magazine rack to vacuum underneath it. She sees the magazine All Woman and feels a pang of guilt. Once again, she notices all of the young, sexy models plastered all over the place. She sits down on the couch and stares at the cover. "Bounce to the beat of a leaner you!!!" Connie would like to get lean, that's for sure. If only she could be as lean and fit as she was when she was a cheerleader. Connie opened up the magazine to page thirty-six and was startled to see a young model in a cheerleading uniform doing exercises and 'bouncy' moves. God, she wishes she could be like that again. Would she marry Randy? Would she have moved out of Sutton? Connie closed her eyes as she leaned back on the cushions of the couch. Slowly she began replaying high school memories.

Connie looked over to the band section, trying to spot the clarinet that belonged to her best friend Suzy. There she was. Suzy waved her hand in front of her face to both create some sort of a breeze and to let Connie know how hot she felt in her band uniform. She, in return, mimicked Suzy's gesture, as doing all of those cheers did the same thing to her own body temperature.

Connie performed some more cheers before turning her back to face the field. There he is! She looked at her boyfriend with great longing. She always held her breath when Randy, her favorite quarterback, was trying to find his target so he could unleash the ball. Whenever he was tackled, which looked so violent, Connie's eyes would be glued at the place of impact.

She pictured her favorite moment: the end of the game. Randy would exit from the locker room; his six-foot frame and broad shoulders were aimed right toward her. His dark brown, almost black hair was combed straight back. Water was still slightly dripping down his neck from the hot shower. She couldn't help but notice how the cheerleaders and other girls would want his attention. That alone would make her want him even more.

She fell into his arms. His hug would slightly lift her from the ground. All of Connie's five foot two, one hundred and five pounds were able to be swallowed within his strong arms, just the way she liked it. He would lean over and kiss the top of her curly, sable colored hair. His attention would stay on Connie. Reaching up and locking her fingers behind his neck, she would kiss his lower lip with both of hers, slightly tickling it with her tongue. "Mm," he would moan. Randy would slowly spin her and hold her body up against the wall. She knew all too well how to make him respond. He would return her kiss; slowly, hungrily, and with all the passion he could muster.

Almost from a distant shore, Connie would pick up sounds that were never as noteworthy as his throaty moans or the sounds of her own. "Nice game, Randy!" "Way to go, Randy!" Sometimes he would respond quickly over his shoulder, "Thanks, man." Other girls, especially from the cheerleading squad, would make sure they touched his arm or his back as they walked by. They would strive for his attention. Oh, but his attention would be on the one girl he so desperately loved.

Afterward, everyone went to Buddy's in town to eat hot dogs and ice-cream. Connie didn't have to worry about her weight. She also never had to worry about where to sit. Randy would sit down, then reach for her hand and pull her on his lap. They were so in love. When they were together, nothing else existed. Connie and Randy gave each other their full attention.

Driving home was always hard, with neither wanting to separate from the other. She sat so close to him on the car seat, his arm tightly wrapped around her. They always kissed long and hard until Connie's mother would flip on the porch light, indicating to her that it was time to come in. Connie reluctantly went inside only after Randy begged her to sneak and call him when he got home. He really loves me. Connie watched the clock tick, waiting for the sound of her parent's bedroom door closing. Then she'd wait ten more minutes, sneak down the stairs, and go into the kitchen to call Randy.

"I thought maybe you weren't going to call. Connie, I can't stand being without you. I can't wait until after high school so I can make you my wife."

4

Suzy awakens at eight fifteen the next morning. She feels hung over, though she hasn't had anything to drink, and certainly didn't rest very well. Blake has already left. The afghan lies wadded up at the end of the sofa. The throw pillow still shows the imprint of his head, and of course, is folded in half. Why can't he at least do the simple things I ask of him? She has asked him to stop doing that way too often. He is going to ruin these too. Blake's two empty beer cans sit on the coffee table, off the coasters and upon white rings, as if on a throne. His clothes are in a pile on the floor at the foot of the sofa.

She realizes then that he came in the bedroom sometime while she was asleep to get clean clothes out of the closet. Did he kiss me on the cheek or whisper 'goodbye' before he left? Does he even know how he's acting? Does he even know how hurtful he's being? That's it! I'll write him a letter. I can't talk to him; he won't listen, but the letter can be read anywhere. God, I haven't written to Blake since--I better call Connie first and run it past her. Never mind, he wouldn't even look at it. I wish I could talk to him through the television...

"Hey, Connie, you sound like you just got up."

"Waking up feels unfortunate sometimes."

"I had nightmares last night and, of course, Blake and I got into it. I don't know if I can do this anymore, Connie. I've about had enough. I feel like I'm already dead. I'm going to take a shower and get dressed. Please read that magazine. I'll be over soon."

"Okay. Obviously it's important to you and you're not going to let it rest. I'll read the damn magazine." Connie could hear that her best friend was on the verge of tears.

Connie still had the magazine next to her on the couch. She picked it up, hating it a little more each time, and began turning the pages one by one. What in the bloody hell am I looking for? More pretty models, more celebrities, makeup tips, new recipes; like Randy would eat any of that stuff anyway. What is Suzy talking about?

And then Connie found it. She was so sure this was the article that she felt no need whatsoever in thumbing through any more pages. "Oh. My. GOD... " Connie said out loud as she felt chills go up her spine. "Reclaiming Yourself" by Linda Hopstat. Connie began to read.

"Things began when I would wake up in the mornings and my husband would just look right through me. Actually, the disinterest in me had gone on for a while; I just didn't want to believe it. We never had servants but that is what I began to feel like. We never kissed anymore and our love making was basically non-existent.

"What do you say to yourself every day when you look in the mirror? When you're treated like an old, ugly piece of furniture all the time, that is what you begin to see. You will verbally put yourself down. I walked around the house numb, feeling like a used up old lady. I don't think I had any more tears left to give. He was my high school sweetheart and I married him, had two babies and raised them basically by myself. Both boys are in college now and even though I miss them, I told them to travel and see what my eyes never got see. But what I really meant was for them to get the hell out of this house before they became him! That is how things started. Then the gates of hell broke open."

Connie grabbed a Kleenex and dabbed at her eyes as she got up to let Suzy in. She opened up the door and when Suzy saw Connie's face her eyes began to water up, knowing that Connie had begun reading the article. They embraced each other and held on for a long time. Both women were crying audibly now. The only words that were spoken were, "She was telling my story"..."Mine too."

5

Karen Meyers looked down at the dishes in the sink and sighed. Martin eats at night like a pig and drinks beer out of glasses. He keeps some glass mugs in the freezer like he's a damn bartender or something. An empty chip bag is lying on the floor by the couch. The chip dip container left open on the coffee table is attracting the attention of a fly. The reheated pizza is splattered all over the inside of the microwave and, of course, the door is left standing wide open. She can see he found the bag of cherries that were hidden in the back of the fridge. The pits had been spit out in the empty beer glass, the hot dogs were left out and will now need to be thrown away--she doesn't dare look any further right now. She'll have to eventually, as she has to have this cleaned up before he gets home from the construction site.

Martin has a bit of a temper problem and Karen knows not to open her mouth about that. Just look at this place. I was only gone for one day! Martin is an ass. He expects Karen to be a clean freak and he'll intentionally mess everything up so she'll always fall short. That's Karen's 'job,' to work inside the home. They don't have any children, thank God, so she has nothing better to do all day, as Martin keeps telling her. Karen reaches for the phone to check up on her mother, the only support in her life.

"Hi, Mom."

"Hi, honey. I'm so glad you called. I was getting worried."

"I know, Mom. That's why I called, to let you know I made it home okay."

"I wish you would have stayed up here in Alpena, Karen, instead of moving all the way down to Ann Arbor like you did after you married what's his name."

"Mom, his name is Martin and he's my husband. I wish you two could just get along."

"He doesn't treat you very nice."

"Anyway, how do you feel?"

"A little nauseated, but a lot better than yesterday. Those chemotherapy treatments make me so sick. This breast cancer isn't going to kick my butt, sweetie, so don't you worry."

"I'm not worried, Ma, you're the fighter in the family. I don't want to run your bill up so I'll let you go and you get some rest. I'll call you tomorrow and I'll drive up again as soon as I can. If anything happens--"

"I'll call you, but I feel bad with you driving five hours to see me, then having to turn right around and drive the five hours back on the same day! Why can't you just stay the night, love, or better yet, the weekend?"

"I'd drive a million miles to see you, Mom. I love you."

"I love you too, sweetie. I'll talk to you tomorrow."

"Bye, Mom."

Karen looked around the room and then up at the clock. She doesn't have that much time left before Martin comes home. It's three o'clock now, and Martin will be barging through the door around five thirty. Hurry, hurry, hurry!!!

After Karen finished cleaning, she gazed around the apartment. It suddenly dawned on her that there isn't any more need for her to complain to Martin that they need a bigger place, maybe even a house. There were holes in the walls, hinges broken, ruined carpet, wires hanging. The damage was too extensive to list. They couldn't afford to move out. Not because of money, as they had plenty of that, but because Martin couldn't afford to have all the secrets living in these walls released.

She walked out onto her balcony, but just for a brief moment to get some air, as Martin forbid her to leave the inside of the apartment. The neighbors were real quiet around here. No one interfered in other people's business, though Karen could have used their help several times. The problem was Martin's six-foot-five frame that was layered with solid muscle. He scared everyone. With Karen's five foot, ninety pound frame, it was easy to see why she hadn't reported Martin herself. Every time Karen looked like she was thinking of possibly considering picking up the phone for help, Martin would rip it out of the wall and smash it. Karen doesn't know how many phones they've gone through in their seven year marriage. Seven...long...years. The sound of the telephone ringing snapped Karen out of deep thought. She hurried inside and picked up the phone.

"Hey, baby, it's me. How's your ma?"

"She's really getting sick, Martin. I feel so bad. I wish I could spend more time with her."

"You're already there every weekend and you don't think that's enough? Jesus Christ, Karen!"

"Martin, please. I go once a month and drive there and back on the same day. Let's not get into this right now."

"Are you getting lippy?"

"No, Martin, I'm sorry. You're right."

I hate him!

"I didn't call to get bitched at. I called to let you know that I wasn't going to come home until very late. I'm going out with the guys to Tall Legs. Don't wait up."

Karen sat there staring at the receiver as the dial tone blared. I wonder what he would do if I just up and called him and told him not to wait up, that I was going to a male strip club? First, he'd come find me, beat the shit out of me, scream at the top of his lungs, then rinse and repeat. Karen feels no jealousy, only anger. She knows he only called to make her feel like crap inside, not that he was actually concerned about her waiting up with worry. He will come home extremely drunk with those strippers on his mind. I will be one of those girls until he sobers up some. Then he'll realize it's just me. He will beat me for ruining his fantasy. I wish he would leave me alone.

But you couldn't say no to Martin. She did it once. He took her anyway, and she bled horribly for days. He would spend probably an easy couple hundred tonight at that strip club. Her biggest expense was the multiple bottles of concealer and cover-up that she had to keep on hand at all times, the only expense he didn't bitch about.

She relives the humiliation she feels when he screams at her or insults her in front of other people. It's always the same comments from people on the outside, "Why did you marry him?!" There are the ones who aren't abused, then there's the rest of us.

Karen wasn't that stupid to marry someone like he had become. Or was he always this way and I just didn't realize it? But Martin had been a dream come true to her back then.

When they first met in college, he was attentive, loving, and gorgeous. Another woman would never turn his eyes. He talked to her lovingly, always. There wasn't any hint of any kind of trouble until after their first six months of marriage. She finished college during that year as a cosmetologist and had gotten a business degree. Her dream was to have her own salon. Martin was supportive of that back then, but little did she know...the day things changed was forever ingrained in her mind.

"You ain't working, got it? I make more than enough money! I don't need you to be running your ass all around town and sticking your chest in the faces of men who are there just to cop a feel during a haircut!"

Karen's mistake? She informed him firmly that she would be getting her career moving. That was the first time he knocked the hell out of her. She landed on her back right on the kitchen floor, her mouth bleeding. Then he opened the refrigerator door, cracked open a beer, and proceeded to dump it all over her head.

"There ya go, that's something to cry about, isn't it? Your hairdo is all ruined now. Better call yourself one of those cosmetologists to come fix it because your ass isn't going to be one!!!"

Some day, Karen thought with revenge on her mind. Some day.

But Karen's thoughts weren't always that vague. She would dream of stabbing that bastard in his sleep or poisoning his beer. Hell, sometimes she even dreamed that he would get in a horrible car crash and be wheelchair-bound for the rest of his life, so she could leave him without any fear. She was positive she was going to hell just for that one. He hadn't hit her yesterday, so she knew that he'd come home drunk tonight and she'd become his punching bag. He usually beat her when he was sober, but he always hurt her when he'd been drinking, and Martin drank enough for three men. Several of his drinking buddies were police officers, and Martin donated lots of money annually. Talk about covering your ass, Martin.

Sure she could leave now, but would he hurt her mother? He threatened it once, and once was enough to instill the fear of God in her. In six and a half years she hasn't gone longer than three days without violence. And most of those days had been when Karen was in Alpena visiting her mother, or when he wasn't at home. He didn't allow her to have a car or money. I hate my life!

Karen tried to stay busy doing laundry and cleaning up the small apartment. When she passed the broken curio cabinet, she saw her reflection in the remaining piece of mirror on the inside. Karen stared closely at the nice-sized cut on the corner of her mouth. Her bottom lip was still split enough that she couldn't smile big. Yellow bruising over her right eyebrow and cheekbone, purplish bruises on her upper arms from being grabbed, lifted off the floor, and thrown. There was still the bad cut on the back of her head that should have received stitches like many other wounds he'd caused, but getting medical attention was a big no no. She watched the tears slide down her cheeks. Her body, weak and frail, was always ready to flinch out of fear. All of her ached when she lifted the clothes basket; her ribs knew his work boots well.

Karen looked for a place on the beige carpet that didn't have blackened blood stains, then put the clothes basket down and sat on the couch. Knowing in her heart that her life would never change, that she would never be able to look forward to a tomorrow, she wondered how she could make it all stop. How could I kill myself? I wonder if I have anything here to do it with? I don't want to do anything painful; it has to be something that will feel good and give me peace. I hurt enough every single damn day. It has to be drugs. I don't have any though. I could probably get some from my mother but she needs them. Maybe a gunshot to the head. Fast and easy. Ugh, we don't have any guns, I made sure of that. I'm stuck here for the rest of my life. Thirty-one years old and no way out. Maybe I just need to kill him? No, with my luck he would live and beat me beyond all recognition.

Karen cried until she had no more tears left. She finally got up to fix her concealer on her face. Even though Martin caused all the cuts and bruises, he insisted that she kept her wounds covered-up at all times. The wounds were still obvious though. The worst wounds were inside her heart and soul.

Karen's father walked out on her and her mother when Karen was two years old. She saw a picture of him once and remembers the feelings of anger and hatred. All men must suck.

She reached on the coffee table to gather Martin's favorite magazines, Sport's Illustrated and Hustler. Placing them neatly in the rack which had two out of the three slots busted out, she saw her magazine sitting in the back where she'd hidden it. All Woman. She got a subscription by saving some grocery money each week, then mailing in a money order at the grocery store. If Martin got the mail he threw it out. This one she got out of the trash but hadn't read it yet.

She still loved to read about fashion, makeup, and hair styles. Even though those things were far out of her life, a wasted education, she certainly didn't mind reminiscing. Those women were so beautiful. If she was taller she could have modeled, with her long, lush black hair, long eye lashes, perfect complexion, vibrant green eyes. She never had a problem turning anyone's head.

Now if they went any place, she got attention alright. People stare at battered women. I'm a battered woman. I've become everything I told myself I would never become. I flinch when someone lifts up their hand. It was easy to say that to myself way back then. But when it happens to you, your world as you once knew it begins to rot.

Karen tried to distract her thoughts by going into dreamland. She tried not to be angry at those women who had a career, a life, a child. She shouldn't be envious, but she was. Flipping the pages, she ended up in the middle of an article. She never read those articles that women wrote who had no idea what real life was like. She hated them. But something caught her eye...and she began to read.

..."Then one day, I was listening to the radio and a song came on. I listened to the words as if the radio was speaking to me. It certainly wasn't a love song, but a song about wanting to find a way to make all the pain disappear.

"I can't begin to tell you how broken I felt. The outside healed but the inside never seemed to. Those bruises and broken bones and what felt like mortal wounds to my soul just kept building. What was left? Nothing was. I wanted to die. I knew that someday he'd kill me. Not because I intentionally did something wrong, hell, I knew better than that. It was just that the rules always changed, and I was never informed of them until it was too late.

"But yes, more than anything I wanted to leave my ugly world. But I refused to die by his hand. I was at least going to go out with dignity. He was cheating on me with many women. There was absolutely nothing left inside of me. Sometimes you can be stabbed with knives and daggers without them ever touching your skin. How can someone stab you like that when they aren't even home? He had his ways. I knew if I ran, he would come after me and kill me when he got his hands on me. But he was going to kill me if I stayed. I was absolutely petrified at the thought of running and getting caught. But I saw my choices: stay and die, or run towards a safe, happy place for myself. I wasn't going to die without trying to obtain the greatest gift. Freedom. Our great country gave me freedom. It just took one man, one night, to take that away from me."

Karen panicked and threw the magazine down. If there was any time in her life when she completely resembled a ghost, it was then. She needed a glass of water to hold the nausea at bay, but her whole body was shaking too badly. Cupping her hands at the sink, throwing water in her mouth, and splashing her face, the audible sounds of sobs and gagging took over the kitchen. Oh God! OhGodOhGodOhGod!

An hour later she was still sitting on the kitchen floor where she dropped. Right here. Right here is where it all started. This is where he abused me the very first time. My God, it began here. It has to end here!

Karen got up, ran to the couch, and grabbed the magazine to read the whole article. She gasped in fear when the phone rang. She was afraid it would be Martin, but then again it could be her mother. She had to answer it.

"Is this Karen?"

"Yes it is, can I help you?" Karen tried to keep her voice even.

"I found out two things today. One, that you are Martin's wife, and two, that I'm pregnant with his kid. I don't want children right now, I'm trying to finish school. He won't give me money for an abortion because he wants the kid. So I needed to tell you that I'm sorry, he lied and said he was single. But I really need money for the abortion because--"

Hanging up the phone as the wave of nausea soared back through her, Karen grabbed her purse, two hundred dollars in Martin's top drawer, an American Express credit card that was with the cash, and headed for the door.

There has to be something better out there for me. There has to be!

∞ ∞ ∞ ∞

Knowing that time was of the essence and knowing that she could be found through credit cards, she ran to an ATM machine by the apartment and withdrew three thousand dollars. She grabbed a bus that went to the Kmart shopping plaza. She used the credit card for all purchases. There was no limit on the card, and she knew this. As fast as she could she bought a piece of luggage, scissors, hair dye, clothes for a week, and of course, makeup. She never flew through a store faster in all her life.

Without wasting any time she hailed a cab to Metro Airport, paid for a one-way ticket to Bay City, Michigan, then withdrew another five thousand dollars. She knew Martin would cancel the card immediately as soon as he found out she was missing.

In Bay City she rented a car with the card. She could have flown closer to Copper Harbor in the Keewenaw Penisula, but she didn't want him to know where she was going. By the time Martin got home from his drunk stripper fest, she would be long gone. She rented a little Nissan, then stopped at a pay phone and quickly phoned her mom. She felt as if she had a target stamped on her back.

"Mom, it's me."

"Honey, are you alright? You sound out of breath."

"Mom, listen, I don't have much time to talk. I left Martin. I'm sure he'll call you when he finds out I'm gone. Please tell him you haven't talked to me, okay?"

"Sweetheart, I've been waiting for this moment. Anything you need you call me, and you can always come home. Let that monster come here and I'll blow his damn brains out!"

"Mom, I don't know where I'll go but I have to hide for a while. Don't worry about me. I'll call you later with a number you can reach me at. If Martin calls you or comes there, don't talk to him. Just call the police. Bye, Mom. I love you."

With a full tank of gas, she stopped at a convenience store to get some items for the long day of driving that lie ahead of her. She threw out the credit card, and Karen was gone.

6

Connie and Suzy sat on the couch side by side and read through the article. The tears kept flowing.

"It's a seminar."

"I know it is, Suzy, but how are we going to be able to go to something like that?"

"We just go."

"Randy would kill me."

"Connie, we have to change things and this is the only way. Not 'change things' to fix Randy and Blake. But change things to fix ourselves."

"It says right here that we need fifteen hundred dollars and have to meet in Copper Harbor, which looks like the farthest point in the Upper Peninsula. That's a good two-day drive."

"Connie, we have to do this. And we can make that drive. Getting the fifteen hundred isn't a problem for us."

"Randy isn't going to let me go away like that."

"Well, that's why we aren't going to tell Randy and Blake anything."

"God. Randy will have a cow. He will take the keys or something. He likes me at home, and we won't even talk about what he would do if I spent that kind of money. He would be furious and stop talking to me for a solid month."

"He talks to you now?" Suzy let slip.

"You have a point. I'm an inanimate object to him."

"We will leave and then call Randy and Blake when we get close to there from another town."

"Wow. I don't know, Suz, this doesn't sound like it will help anything. I think doing this will make everything worse."

"Connie, look at the title again. "Reclaiming Yourself." Nothing changes if nothing changes. We are doing this. You are going even if I have to drag you."

"When would we have to leave?"

"In two days. Connie, your phone is ringing."

"What? Oh, just a second."

"Hiya, hun."

Connie cringed hearing Randy's voice. Usually when he called during the day it was because he had invited someone over for dinner.

"Please tell me no one is coming over this evening?"

"Nah. But I wanted you to start getting me packed, I'm going golfing for a handful of days."

"But, Randy, it's our anniversary tomorrow."

"Oh yeah that's right. It's okay, we can celebrate when I come home and maybe go have a couple at the Tavern. Hell, you can even invite Suz and Blake!"

"Why not just us go do something romantic?"

"Well, I'll even buy you flowers that day and have them delivered. I can do that over the phone. How's that? That's romantic, isn't it? Surprise flower delivery? Or better yet I'll let you take out twenty bucks and you can go pick out whatever kind of flowers at the florist that you like since I'll be out of town."

"Okay....Go pick out my own flowers. Do you see anything wrong with that? Can't we ever go do anything besides hang out at that Tavern?"

"Sure we can, hun. I'll even take you all the way out to Commons to that Big Boy place you like so well."

Twelve mile drive.

"When do you leave, Randy?"

"I'm leaving tomorrow around noon, right from work."

"Okay, Randy. Whatever you want..."

"That's my girl. That's what I like to hear."

As Connie said goodbye to Randy, she just stared at Suzy. The room was extremely silent other than the clock ticking on the wall. Connie never had a reason to feel embarrassed around Suzy about anything. But this time her cheeks glowed red.

"When do we leave?" Connie asked in a painful monotone.

"Well, this is Tuesday and Randy wants you to get him packed for tomorrow. We have two days of driving to do and the first day of the three-day seminar starts Friday. I was going to suggest we leave at the crack of dawn and drive straight through, but after all that crap he just puked out of his mouth? I think right now."

"Go pack, Suz. We have three hours to be out of here."

∞ ∞ ∞

Going back home, Suzy felt both excited and frightened. Maybe she should tell Blake before hand, maybe leave him a little note. She got home and found two messages on her answering machine. The first one was from Brenda, calling to tell her mother she loves her. The second one was from Blake.

"Hey, hun, I just wanted to let you know I won't be home until late tonight. I'm taking two clients out for dinner at Knight's Way. They are husband and wife and they bought two new cars off the lot. Anyway, I'll see you tonight when I get home. It should be around ten."

Good, God. Suzy was fuming. If he was taking another couple out to a nice restaurant and spending thirty bucks a plate, then why didn't he invite his own wife?! He never takes me out for dinner unless it's at the Tavern.

Suzy packed, then stopped by the bank and withdrew four thousand dollars. Still furious, she drove to Connie's without even looking back.

Connie was ready when Suzy drove up. She slid her luggage in the back seat and got in. Suzy stopped by a bank branch in another town to prevent Connie from running across Randy.

As they pulled onto the freeway Suzy turned to Connie and asked, "Would you like to be Thelma or Louise?" The pent-up tension came out in a long and much needed laughing session.

"Suz, we have three days to kill."

"Yep."

"Well, what are we going to do for three days?"

Suzy turned to her best friend, softly smiled, and said, "Breathe."

∞ ∞ ∞ ∞

Connie sat there and dreamed about some day being able to get a complete makeover in some town at a fancy salon. As she tightened the band holding her ponytail together, she struggled with her reality. Randy would never allow me to do that, ever.

As they approached Gaylord, Suzy sat there and quietly thought about getting her nails and hair done by a real beautician, not the town barber who was older than fire. Maybe some clothes that the women in that magazine got to wear too.

"I want red hair," blurted Connie out of the blue.

"Look for an exit." Suzy didn't even have to think about a reply.

The town was huge to Connie and Suzy. Even their Kmart was bigger, and they both agreed that if they never stepped inside another Kmart, that would be just fine with them. Driving through town, they both kept their eyes peeled.

"There!" Connie pointed as if she was in court identifying a criminal. "Wow, that looks expensive though. It's called Charmane's."

"Good," said Suzy, "now maybe we won't look like plain dust mops anymore."

Connie and Suzy were greeted when they walked in. They looked at all the women getting things done to their hair.

"What would you ladies like done today?"

In unison they both said, "Everything!"

While their nail polish dried from their manicures and pedicures, they carefully thumbed through hairstyle books. Both had gotten acrylic nail tips applied.

Edward would be doing Connie's hair and Martina would be doing Suzy's. They each watched as if bad memories, infectious memories, were dropping to the floor. Their excitement was so obvious. They sat in chairs at the beauty stations that were side by side. The weight of a billion pounds of spoiled life fell from them.

Connie looked in the mirror with tears in her eyes. For the very first time in years, she felt beautiful. She stared at her gorgeous layered and straightened auburn hair that now was cut just above her shoulders. The makeup they applied made her look ten years younger.

Suzy cried with her when she saw all the dishwater-blonde hair that lay scattered upon the floor. It reminded her of worn pictures unable to keep their place in an old photo album. But moving her gaze to the mirror made the inside of her dance. The bright blonde hair with tons of gorgeous highlights was cut around her face to perfectly frame it. She felt like a movie star. How come I could never give this to myself?

The girls purchased the makeup, hair products, and nail polish that was used on them, and Connie bought a straightening iron.

As they drove out of Gaylord, they couldn't keep their fingers out of their hair. They kept looking in the mirrors at beautiful faces they thought had died long ago.

"Suzy, I think this was the first step."

"To many great steps still to come!"

"Here, here!" They both chimed as they lifted up their travel mugs of coffee in victory.

∞ ∞ ∞ ∞

They drove until wee hours of the morning and decided to stop and get a room after crossing the Mackinaw Bridge and driving into Manistique. But neither of them could sleep. They looked at their clothes they dumped on the beds as they dug out their PJ's. The clothes all looked foreign, as if they held secrets from a distant country. How can clothes hold secrets of misery, pain, and neglect? Connie didn't believe it could be true but that seemed to be what was happening to her as she looked down onto the pile of things she packed. Is this really all I amounted to after being a good mother and obeying wife for twenty years? Just a drab pile of clothes? When you are treated like you're worth nothing, you really do begin to believe it. A loose pile of ugliness with no spine, unable to stand up on its own.

"Suzy, I'm going shopping in the morning. I'm throwing these clothes away and I'm going to buy some new things." Connie never said anything with as much conviction.

"Yeah, I'm with you on that. I look at my clothes and it makes me feel like a house up for sale, like when you need to paint everything beige in order to sell it. I mean, did Blake think he could do this to me? Zap the colorful life and personality I once had and just keep me an ugly, colorless thing all this time?" Suzy looked down towards the pile. Her face held the expression as if something important had been misplaced...stolen.

Connie woke up that morning very excited. She looked into the mirror to make sure all of it wasn't just a dream. Then she looked over at Suzy, still sleeping.

Never again will I let you become beige. Never again.

7

Karen pulled over on the side of the expressway. Frozen. Absolutely frozen in terror. Everything was going so good. She was determined and strong and had not a doubt in her mind. She turned the car around back in the direction of home. She drove five hundred yards, then pulled the car right back over to the side of the road. I should go back. Tell him I had an emergency with my mother and needed to take care of it. Maybe he won't get that upset. He will come after me for this, I know he will. And he'll beat me like I've never been beaten before, right in front of God and everyone! He won't care. What was I thinking? I can't escape him. There isn't anything out there for me. I'll never have a special place. Why did I even read that damn article? It's going to get me killed now.

Karen got out of the car quickly as her coffee rose to the back of her throat, then vomited. The thought occurred to her that if he can't find her, he'll go after her mom. Be strong, be strong, be strong, be strong.

Karen continued driving towards freedom again after her panic attack passed. Then, there it was. The Mackinaw Bridge. But she couldn't cross it. Stopping once again, she stared at the bridge, at the imaginary line she drew for herself. Once I cross this one point, there is no turning back. This is my ticket to freedom. This is my ticket to everything. This is where I make it or I don't, where I find out who I am. This is where I remove myself from Martin. Karen got back on the road, let out a huge holler to make herself stronger, and right smack in the middle of that bridge, Karen threw her wedding ring as far as she could. There, now there's no turning back for me.

She stopped in Mackinaw City and bought a sandwich, then walked down to a small park area that had a view of the bridge and ate her lunch. Karen took two bites, then threw it out as she knew she'd probably throw it up. Looking down at her empty finger she took a deep breath, as if too tight of a painful shackle had just been removed from her neck. Karen just couldn't imagine going through one entire day of not being utterly terrified by Martin. Will I always be afraid of him even after I'm far away? Will he find ways to haunt my dreams and continue to wreck my life?

Being stabbed by knives and daggers without them even touching my skin...

Karen drove until she reached Iron River and could no longer keep her eyes open. She drove up to the front doors of the motel, which had the vacancy light on. They wouldn't rent her a room without a credit card, even though she had cash. Karen begged the woman, and then finally it came out of her for the very first time, just like when a curtain opens to expose the scene in a play.

"You see these bruises? My husband beats the shit out of me. For seven years he has kicked my ass daily, and I fled. He will kill me if he finds me, and a credit card will lead him right to me. Please! I promise to be out early and I'll even pay you double for the room!"

Her name tag read "Marsha." "Girl, why didn't you leave him before this?"

"Have you ever been beaten?"

"No!"

"Then don't ask that of me."

"Honey, I'll give you a room. But don't give me your real name. This will be free of charge. You will need your money to save yourself, and if I can help make a difference then that's all the better."

Tears slowly leaked from Karen's eyes. "I'll repay you."

"You left him, dear. That's all the payment I need. It shouldn't cost anyone anything for escaping that kind of harm. You already paid enough for seven years."

∞ ∞ ∞ ∞

The long hot shower did not warm Karen. She was bone cold. Cold like she slept in an old grave. She locked the door again, just to make sure, then propped a chair under the knob and went to bed holding her nail file. He stabbed me with this once, right in the thigh. All I was doing was my nails. Now, if he comes near me I'll take his eyes out.

She didn't sleep until somewhere between five and six and was back in the lobby to return her key to a drop box by seven.

But at least a few minutes of sleep was better than nothing. She was used to not sleeping much. Every time Martin turned over in bed she flinched. She remembered him having a dream once about her cheating on him. He woke up and beat her out of a sound sleep, and made her spend the rest of the night in the closet he beat her into. After that, when Martin stirred she went into a full defensive position. Let him do it to me now and I promise I'll find a way to kill him.

Gassing up the car at a station, she continued on her journey to freedom, knowing that by this time Martin was looking for her. God what was I thinking!? He could spot me a mile away!

She pulled off at the next exit and drove down closer to the water. Karen headed towards Lake Michigan and found a park that had a small beach and a shower house. The weather had turned to the beginning of fall, so it was empty. She was afraid she wouldn't have a mirror or that the showers had been turned off, but her luck appeared. Standing in front of the mirror, she wondered how she'd been battered into this. Grabbing long locks of her hair, Karen chopped. She then cut just like she learned in cosmetology school. A short, cute, bouncy cut that ended at her jawline. The dye was a dark brown with red highlights. The shower was freezing cold but she didn't care. She dried herself with an old sweatshirt she took off. Karen placed the new sunglasses on her face that she picked up at the gas station. After putting on jeans and a cute white shirt she bought before leaving Ann Arbor, she turned back toward the mirror. There ya go, Martin. I cut those bad pieces of fruit off that you bruised and left them lying on the cold floor back there, and now I've left you.

Smiling, Karen started the car, not only looking like a new woman but feeling like one too. She sang with no music but at the top of her lungs anyway.

8 ~ Friday

Connie and Suzy found the Blizzard Hideaway Resort, located at the tip of the Keweenaw Peninsula, easily enough. Connie looked at herself in the windows as she approached the door. Her new pink wool-blend suit, with navy blue trim and gold buttons, made her walk straighter with her head held up high. Her navy blue pumps and matching purse made her smile at herself. She looked at her best friend, who wore a black wool-blend suit with a white shirt, black pumps and purse. She looks so beautiful, thought Connie.

"Suzy, you look like a million bucks and if I was a guy, why I'd be all over you."

"Why thank you, Connie. I think I'd let you. But would you let me sit on the remote?"

"Yes, even through a hockey game."

"Even if I broke it?"

"Hell, I'd break it for you."

"Gee, now that's what friends are for!"

The lobby was so crowded with women of all ages.

"Wow, there must be a couple hundred women here. I wonder if they all came here for this seminar."

Suzy glanced over the room, taking it all in. "Well, since there are droves of men who are assholes, I'm guessing, yes."

Going to a table after getting some complimentary coffee and bagels, the women slowly began to file in and take their seats.

"I wonder how this will go and what will happen in this thing?"

"Well, Connie, I think husbands will show up and shoot at all of us until we get back in the kitchen."

"Oh my god, I forgot about them! We never called Randy and Blake!"

"I don't know if I'll call Blake or not to be honest."

"Suz, you can't seriously mean that."

"Yes, I mean it."

Four other women gathered at Connie and Suzy's table, and they looked pleasant enough. But this one woman had marks all over her. Somehow both Suzy and Connie knew the marks weren't from a car wreck.

Suzy leaned over to Connie and whispered, "May he rot in hell."

"I would kill him for her."

Introductions were made, and everyone was looking nervous. Finally, someone approached the microphone. After a small fun speech about the beautiful scenery on the drive up, the introduction was made to the guest speaker.

"Without further delay I bring to you Linda Hopstat!" The audience roared.

Connie leaned over to Suzy. "I can't believe I'm sitting here in the same room with this woman."

"I know what you mean. To me she's like this huge pillar of hope. As in my only hope, my lifeline, and I don't even know this woman."

Linda took a long drink of water, calmly set the glass down, and smiled over the crowded room. The audience was silent.

"Ladies, I thank you for driving, flying, doing everything you needed to do to get here today. My name is Linda Hopstat, and I chose to go on the journey to reclaim myself. You are all my sisters. All women are sisters, and it is about time we started acting like it. I don't, nor will I pretend to know it all. I will tell you my story of how I ended up on this stage, in a magazine, and in other places. I hope this information will help you because that is my only reason behind doing what I do. Money doesn't matter to me."

Loud mumbling from the crowd could be heard. "Yeah, fifteen hundred a head doesn't make ya rich? I beg to differ."

"Perhaps I should explain this now. I don't want this money. As you can see you didn't have to pay to get in here. I didn't ask you for any money in advance. But I knew that some of my sisters would be leaving everything behind and just fleeing. I knew that most of you would need money for a new start. That money is yours. I have non-profit organizations that help out with the cost of the room rental, but I am not paid. I don't want to be paid. I don't charge family money."

Mumbling now became louder, but the comments were of gratitude. Smiling back to the crowd of women, Linda continued.

"I can't pretend to know what all of you have gone through or what it feels like. All of our stories are different. But it just seems like the end results are the same if you survive. You end up broken inside. I wasn't always broken. The day I decided to share my life with my husband is when the dying process inside of me began to take place. He drank too much. Then I'd get beaten. At first I blamed the alcohol, until he beat me regularly, even sober. But when I finally understood that there isn't a reason or an excuse to hit a woman, I confronted him. I told him 'No more!'"

The crowd began to nod with their approval and cheer her on.

"What happened after I said that wasn't pretty. He got the hot iron I had in my hand at the time while I was ironing his shirts. It had been completely heated when he gave me a nice iron shaped burn in the small of my back. Then he beat me unconscious. I learned then that opening my mouth, standing up for myself to him, was a really bad mistake. I woke up a day later, still on the living room floor where I was almost killed. He beat me so badly that, just like a dog, I urinated on myself. I wanted to die so he wouldn't get the satisfaction from killing me himself. There weren't too many bones left in me that he hadn't broken in one way or another. But that wasn't anything compared to the damage he did inside of me, to my heart, my soul.

"I fled to this church. He found me and beat me right inside. I went to a friend's home, and he found me and beat me in their driveway. It didn't take me long to realize that I had no where to run. So, I stayed. I stayed to keep finding women's phone numbers that he left right in the open on counters. I stayed to watch him actually bring another woman into our home, our bed, while I was in the house locked inside of a spare room. But I found that behind every slammed and locked door, there is a window. And out it I went.

"I hid in the woods until a bus came. I had a dollar in change on me and the clothes on my back. I never thought I would beg people on the streets for money. But I did. I took bus rides from town to town. Then I met this angel. I knew that God sent her to me. The same God I grew to hate for abandoning me."

Connie and Suzy watched as tears slid down the face of this woman whose name tag read "Karen."

"This woman's name was Estelle. I lost her last year to cancer, but I promised her that I would continue on with her work to help other women unite and protect one another. I will talk more about Estelle in a minute, as she is why I'm here today."

The crowd clapped loudly.

"I want everyone to know that the man I married didn't start out abusing me. He was a dream come true. He never let a minute go by that he didn't show his love for me. But I know for a fact now that you have it in you to beat a woman or you don't. You have it in you to cheat on a woman or you don't. You have it in you to break a woman inside, or you don't. And ladies? For those of you thinking about going back home to a physically abusive situation, just remember this. Yelling can't kill you. Being cheated on can't kill you. But if he hit you once he'll hit you again, and eventually he will kill you. He might not stab or shoot you or strangle you. But the wrong fracture in the wrong place, too much blood loss, a fall down the stairs, intentional or not, dead is dead.

"To those of you who fled from that to get here, we have organizations present with us at this seminar that are here to protect abused women, find you housing, and help you get back on your feet. Bring your honest hearts in here, but you leave your fear of making changes outside. There is no more room for fear. I will make sure that your fear gets replaced with excitement to start a new life, love for yourself, and the knowledge you need to rebuild what was stolen from you. If you do end up getting abused, make it the last time and involve the law!"

Connie and Suzy looked up at the screen to see the abuse and death statistics that occurred last year from battered women. They watched Karen hold herself with her bruised arms. Connie reached over and took Karen's hand in hers and held it. Then they watched as Linda put up statistics of battered women who sought help and who made it out alive.

"Ladies, choose to be one of these. There is hope. For me there was Estelle. I wasn't aware until months after Estelle took me in, when I got angry with her one day for not understanding my tears and my anger, that she had real knowledge about abuse. I thought she just talked the talk. She lived as a battered woman for twenty years. She killed her husband and spent ten years of her life in prison. That isn't the answer, sisters. This is. This is the beginning of the rest of your life. These volunteers can even assist you with career help. They will help hold you up until you can walk on your own."

∞ ∞ ∞ ∞

Breaking for lunch, which was complimentary there at the hotel, Connie and Suzy invited Karen to come sit with them.

"I don't feel as alone now or as foolish for marrying Martin."

"We were not beaten but more like forgotten and neglected. I think Linda was right. Broken is broken, so it doesn't matter how you got there." Connie reached over and squeezed Karen's hand again.

"I know Martin is looking for me. I can feel it."

Suzy looked Karen in her eyes and said, "Karen, I think this entire room would jump him and kick the hell out of him. Don't you worry about Martin finding you."

"Yeah," said Connie, "I'd throw the first punch at the spineless bastard."

"You have no idea how vicious Martin is or what he's capable of!"

"And you have no idea what an auditorium full of women with PMS could do to him."

That was the first time in a long time that Karen had laughed. It felt good even though she made her lip bleed a little.

They had fresh submarine sandwiches, salads, and pie. They talked about their lives more. Then at one o'clock they headed back inside. But this time Connie and Suzy sat Karen between them.

Linda stepped up to the podium again, and the women noticed that there was a big blank canvas on an easel behind her.

"Hello again, my sisters, I hope you found lunch satisfactory. That was something the hotel did for our group today. Be sure to thank them before you leave. Every hand that reaches out to you is in some way a life line. Knowledge about battered women is being spread farther and farther. The level of understanding and the willingness to help out a female is growing in this country.

"When I first started to experience being battered, the mentality was this, 'Why don't you just leave him? What did you do to make him mad?' Or my very favorite one, 'We don't want to get involved,' but we know that there is nothing simple about it, nor is it just 'leave' him. A woman getting hit is everyone's problem. And no matter how unhappy he is, let's say this together."

They watched as words came on the over head in capital letters. The auditorium shouted, "THERE IS NO EXCUSE TO HIT A WOMAN!"

Karen yelled it.

"Nice chant!" Martin yelled loudly with a sarcastic smile across his face as he glanced over the crowd of women.

"Oh my God!" Karen gasped. "That's Martin, he's here!"

Martin stood at the entrance of the auditorium with the magazine All Woman rolled up in his hand.

"How could I have been so stupid?! I left that magazine right on the couch, opened to the page of the seminar!"

Women were yelling back at him, but Martin maintained a cool smile. "I came to pick up my wife, seems she needs a ride home."

"Oh, God, I have to go to him, he'll hurt someone!"

Connie leaned over. "Just slump a little in your chair, cookie, you aren't going any place."

"Karen, get your ass over here!"

Linda addressed Martin. "What is your name, sir?"

"Martin. I've come for my wife to take her back home so she doesn't get brainwashed by a bunch of bitches."

Linda picked up her cell phone from under the podium and dialed 9-1-1.

"Oh God, he's drunk!" Karen began trembling even more.

"Sir, you aren't going to take your wife any place, nor will I tell you if she's here or she isn't. I have also called the police."

"To hell with all of you. I'll find her myself! Get out here, Karen, if you know what's good for you!"

"Oh, God, he'll find me. He doesn't care who he hits me in front of. He is going between the tables and he'll find me!"

"Karen, why are you making this worse for yourself? Didn't you know you can't hide from me? Oh, Kaaarrreeennn. Come out, come out, wherever you are!"

"Sir," began Linda, "I'm going to demand that you leave right now."

"I don't give a shit if you called the police. She's my wife."

"Oh I see, you must be a batterer?"

"Bite me."

"Oh god, here he comes!" Karen was whimpering.

Approaching the table, Martin stood straighter when he spotted Karen. Karen went underneath the table. She was sobbing uncontrollably with fear.

Martin reached underneath the table as Connie, Suzy, and two other women began attempting to hold him back and even hit him. Even more women were trying to make their way over to him. But Martin was stronger. Reaching underneath the table, he found her hair.

"Why, you look just like the slut I always knew you were. Get your stupid ass in the car and I'll be sure to adjust your attitude soon, honey!"

"Martin, you're drunk! Just stop it, please!! I'll come home!"

Martin dragged Karen out by her hair, pulled her to her feet, grabbed a delicate crystal water glass, and smashed it in her face, twisting his hand to grind the glass in her flesh, not even flinching at the cuts he was causing to himself.

The commotion storming through the crowd was huge. Everything happened so fast. But little did Martin know that amongst those women who were trying to reclaim their lives were four female officers. Guns were drawn.

"Turn around. Get on your knees! Put your hands above your head!"

Women ran from that area. Blood was pouring from Karen's face.

As soon as Martin picked up an ink pen from the table and raised it to stab it into Karen's neck, the first and only gunshot went off, hitting Martin in the shoulder. Martin dropped to his knees, then to his stomach as he was handcuffed and dragged to the doors of the auditorium. The four female officers were greeted by other officers who responded to Linda's 9-1-1 call. Linda asked to have them wait there with Martin for a minute before loading him onto an ambulance.

"Karen?" Linda spoke from the podium.

Karen, who was holding blood-soaked napkins on her face while someone else was running to her with towels, quietly said, "I'm sorry."

"Karen, you can end the abuse you suffer from this man. Are you leaving Martin?"

"Yes," whispered Karen.

The auditorium went spastic.

Linda said she needed to go to the hospital, and out of conditioning Karen said no. Then Linda brought the microphone down to her while the other ambulance was pulling in. Standing next to Linda, Karen kept her face towards the ground as blood now began seeping through the towels that someone had put on her face. Linda wrapped her arms around this young, battered, and frail woman and held her close.

"Read this out loud for Karen, sisters." The words appeared again on the screen.

"There is no excuse to hit a woman."

"Karen, do you have anything you want to say to Martin? You can say it now, honey, he is handcuffed and can't harm you. Let this room full of your sisters be your strength." Linda resisted the strong urge to say, do you have anything to say to this stupid, low life bastard?

After pausing for half a minute, Karen turned and looked at Martin with pure rage in her eyes.

"Martin, I'm divorcing you. I'm going to get my cosmetology business. I'm going to go to court. I'm going to prosecute you to the fullest extent of the law. I no longer fear you, Martin. When you just hurt me? You hurt all of these women. They are called witnesses. They are called my sisters. May you rot in hell, Martin!"

The crowd roared as one of the officers approached Karen. Martin just lay on the floor, moaning over his bullet wound as the paramedics bandaged his shoulder and got him on the stretcher.

"Honey, come to the hospital and let them examine you. They will take pictures and you will need the evidence for court."

Connie, Suzy, and a slew of other women came and hugged Karen before she left to climb in the other ambulance. Karen refused to walk in that direction until Martin was loaded into the other ambulance and securely cuffed inside with a police officer guarding him.

Linda began to speak again, "Ladies, do you see this canvas? It's blank. That's what this seminar is for. Just by coming here, by making changes, you are being given the opportunity to paint any color on it you want. It doesn't need to be painted full of hurt anymore. From this point on you are all being given a blank canvas. Karen began to paint hers today. I am going to help Karen, and I hope the rest of you sisters will step up and help her as well by being in the courtroom to help put that batterer behind bars where he belongs!"

Everyone was standing up and cheering. Connie and Suzy were cheering the loudest.

9

Karen winced as Dr. McCarthy examined her. Her voice was so soothing, and she was glad she got a female physician. "Will I need stitches?"

"Karen," began Dr. McCarthy as she pulled up a stool, "I see a lot of physically abused women. And most of them do not press charges. Then they come back again, and again, and again. Sometimes they don't make it. When I tell you all that I find, along with the x-ray results, I'll ask you a question or two and I want honest answers. Is that fair enough?"

"Yes." Karen was wringing the sheet between her hands and trembling.

Dr. McCarthy cleaned out all of Karen's facial wounds, looking closely at each cut with a magnifying lens to make sure all the glass was removed, and then sent her for a bunch of x-rays and scans.

"Karen, you are going to need many stitches in your face. So let's get that done. I've asked a plastic surgeon to come down and do that, so there will be minimal scarring. But I also found out that you have many old fractures, bad scars, and a fresh fracture on your lower rib. Four old fractures are on your face, one on your nose, two on your jaws, and one on your chin. You are missing three teeth at about the level of one of the jaw fractures. You have multiple old fractures and bruises on your body. I just wanted to tell you what all I found so far. But here is Dr. Ginea, he will stitch your face. I'll be back soon, okay? And don't worry, he will numb the wounds." Dr. McCarthy looked at the ground with a concerned expression on her face as she greeted Dr. Ginea, and then left the room.

Dr. Ginea put many shots in Karen's face, but her mind was a million miles away. Where was Martin being kept in this same hospital? Maybe he was in the room right next door. Karen was so used to pain and being able to 'go some place else' when Martin was hurting her that the pain in her face wasn't even in her thoughts. She felt so embarrassed having that happen in front of all those women. She just felt like Martin had won yet again. She snapped back into the here and now when Dr. McCarthy came back in the room.

"Well, Karen," Dr. Ginea held her hand. "I'm all finished here. Dr. McCarthy will take excellent care of you." Karen didn't even know if Dr. Ginea had been speaking to her all along or not.

"How many stitches did you give me?"

"I wrote everything down in your chart, so Dr. McCarthy will go over things with you." Dr. Ginea smiled, patted Karen softly on the shoulder, and then went quietly out the door.

Dr. McCarthy pulled up a stool. "Karen, you can just call me Mac if you'd like. Everyone does." She smiled as she sat in front of Karen on the stool.

"Okay, thank you, Mac."

"Karen, the damage to your face wasn't deep enough to require surgery, but almost. You have lacerations in many areas. I will show you your face but remember that it looks worse because of the swelling and all of the sutures. Dr. Ginea had to put one hundred and twenty three stitches in your face. Many of your cuts had to be stitched up inside as well as outside."

"Oh my God..." Karen began to cry hard and the tears were stinging some of the cuts that didn't get numbed or stitched up.

"Will you be okay? You don't have to look if you don't want to or if you aren't ready."

"No, I want to see."

Mac held up the mirror, but Karen kept her eyes closed. After about a minute had passed, Karen slowly opened her tear-filled eyes.

"Nooooo!!!" Karen hurried up and covered her face with the sheet. She saw the stitches all over her face. She looked like a monster!

"Here are the questions I wanted to ask you while you look into that mirror, sweetie. Are you going to prosecute him, Karen?"

"Yes!"

"Are you going to divorce him?"

"Oh my God, yes!"

Karen was crying so hard she was gasping. Mac wrapped her arms around her and held her for a couple of minutes.

"Karen, I will go to court and testify to your wounds. I'll do whatever I can to help you. But if you go back to him, he'll kill you."

"What if it doesn't work? Will they let him go? He really will kill me then!"

"Karen, he is in surgery right now getting the bullet out of his shoulder, and he has some cuts on his hand that need to be stitched up. He will have an armed policeman beside him until he is discharged. From here he will go straight to jail. I don't know if the judge will set bail or not. But probably he won't. Anyway, you have two visitors waiting out in the lobby who would love to see you."

"Who are they?"

"I'm not sure, but they've been here the entire time and are very concerned."

"I am embarrassed to let anyone see me looking like this."

"Karen, I'm almost positive that the reason they care about you has nothing to do with your looks. The great person that you are would be good enough."

Connie and Suzy walked slowly side by side as they entered Karen's room.

"That bastard..." Suzy was livid.

"Well," Connie tried to keep her voice calm even though she was trembling with rage. "We are going to be with you every step of the way, babes. And if you need a place to stay, our doors are open for you."

"You two don't even know me and you're being so nice," Karen whispered, still crying.

"Well, darlin', me and Connie here are going to help you sort everything out, but first things first. We need to bring in the officer, Karen. You tell her everything. All the abuse gets spilled out now so Martin can get locked away for a very long time. If you hold anything back there is a greater risk for him not paying for his crimes."

"I want to report him."

"Go in the parking lot, Connie, and call the female cop for Karen. Her name is Shelly. She is a friend to the officers that were at the seminar." Suzy handed Connie Shelly's business card.

Shelly was a short, stocky woman with light gray, curly hair. She had a very soft, pleasant looking face and a soothing voice. Karen felt immediately comfortable with her.

"Karen, I'm glad you came to the hospital, because all of your injuries are documented now. Those will be used in court. I have to ask you this and please be honest with me, okay?"

"I'm tired of hiding things. I want Martin to go to prison."

"Have you ever been sexually assaulted by Martin?"

"Yes, many times. Just once was bad enough to almost kill me."

"Can you tell me about it, Karen?"

Karen covered her bandaged face with her hands.

"Karen, I'm here to help you, there isn't anything for you to be ashamed or embarrassed about. Did you go to the hospital or call the police?"

"No! I didn't do either. He would have killed me!!"

"Karen, hun, I understand and I'm not judging you at all. I also understand why you didn't get help for so long. These are just questions I have to ask, okay?"

"Okay, I understand and I'm sorry."

"Did he physically harm you when he sexually assaulted you?"

"Yes, but I don't know if you could see anything. I bled vaginally and rectally for days. I was in bad pain. The bleeding, though, was pretty severe. That scared me."

"Karen, I'm going to ask the doctor to come back in and check you out. If there was damage and it shows up on examination and film, we will go after him for that as well. This time, Karen, it's Martin's turn to pay for all he's done to you. Will you agree to an exam?"

"Yes, I'm willing to go through anything to keep Martin from hurting me ever again."

∞ ∞ ∞ ∞

Mac took off her gloves and turned the spot light off, washed her hands, and told Karen she'd be right back. Karen didn't know there would be this much emotional pain involved in freedom, but she would do all of this again if it meant never having to be battered another day in her life.

Mac walked back into the room carrying Karen's chart. "How are you holding up, Karen?"

"I'm okay. I really don't know what to think, but I'm still afraid of him because he's here."

"He can't hurt you in here; they would blow his head off if he ran." Mac smiled as she said this, silently wishing Martin would run.

"Karen, when Martin assaulted you did he use any objects on you?"

"Yes, but he had me pinned face down, so I didn't see what it was."

"Did he use his hands, penis, etc. to assault you also?"

"Yes."

"Karen, I found lots of scarring on you, both vaginally and rectally. They are from tearing. Whatever he used caused the same pattern of scarring in both areas."

"He had been hitting me with a tennis racket, then a cue stick. So that was in his hands when he pinned me. Whatever it was it didn't fit, and Martin forced it inside of me." Karen hid her face.

"Karen, there is nothing to be embarrassed about, honey. He is the one who should be embarrassed. Well, you can still have children if you want to in the future. But I'm going to have the officer come back in now so she can finish up her report and get the ball rolling."

Mac spoke with Shelly quietly in the hallway, and then Shelly came in alone.

"Hey, sweetie." Shelly held Karen's hand. "Karen, would you be willing to give us permission to search your home? If we can find the tennis racket or cue stick, we can send it to forensics. If he used that to sexually assault you there will be evidence on it. Or you can come with us while we get it."

"No!" The very thought of going back inside of that hell hole she was trapped in for seven years made her want to run. "I will give you any permission you need to look at or take whatever is inside of there. I'm never, ever going back!"

"Okay, sweetie. I will be one of the officers going. But let me ask you this. While I am there I would be glad to pick up anything you need. I just can't see you having to face that place."

"There is something I want. In the bedroom on the floor is a heat vent that doesn't work. Taped inside of it with duct tape is a plastic sandwich bag that has some jewelry in it. It is jewelry that my mother gave to me and I've had to keep it hidden. I forgot to grab it when I left."

"Okay, I will get that for you."

"Anything else you need?"

"Yes. Inside of the bedroom closet on the floor is a plastic file cabinet. It holds all the bank records, marriage license, just everything. With that, take the money in the top dresser drawer. Martin keeps the money in one of his socks. I only took the visible bills when I ran because I wasn't thinking. There is probably several hundred dollars there. If Martin gets bail, I'm going to make sure he can't financially afford to pay it."

"Do you have the bank information?"

"Yes, I can get access to the accounts. I made sure of that, and Martin doesn't know I know these things. I was never allowed to have or carry any money. The accounts are at First Federal."

"This is Friday, hun. I use First Federal also and that bank is open late this evening."

"Okay, I'll hurry and run over there."

"Do you need anything else?"

"Yes, I need a phone. I have to call my mom."

∞ ∞ ∞ ∞

After several minutes and lots of tears, Karen hung up with her mother. One thing that did for Karen was give her more strength and courage than she thought she had in her. Martin had even been hurting Karen's mother by making her cry and worry for years. Never again! Karen climbed into the front seat of Suzy's Jeep.

"Okay, hun, tell me which way to go and we're off!"

"Shelly said to turn right, keep going straight past two lights and it's on the left."

"Okay let's do it!" cheered Connie.

The inside of the bank seemed overly cold to Karen. She asked to speak to the manager and wanted Connie and Suzy to come with her. People were staring at Karen's bandaged up face.

"You hold your head up high, Karen. You looked at the ground for seven years. Now is your time to shine, girl," Connie said as she wrapped her arm around Karen's shoulder.

Karen held her head up high and walked into the office when her name was called.

"Hello, my name is Helen Carter. Which of you is Karen?"

"I am." Karen was trying not to feel self-conscious in front of this perfectly groomed woman. Then Karen remembered that not all battered women look like it when they are clothed. Karen sat in the chair directly across from Helen, Suzy sat on her right, and Connie on the left.

"How can I help you today?"

"Well, I uh...I need money."

"Okay, did you need to take out a loan?"

"No, I need all of my money out of the accounts at this bank."

"Do you have account numbers for me?"

"Yes." Karen recited numbers from memory for three accounts.

"Okay, give me a second to pull them up."

"Karen, this is a large sum of money. I'm afraid we won't be able to give you that amount of cash tonight."

"Okay, then I would like to withdraw it all and open up another account in just my name. I will need a savings, checking, and I'll need a debit card. Can that be done?"

"Yes. I'll be happy to do that for you."

"One of these accounts is a business account. Do you want that closed as well?"

"Yes, my name is on the business and the other two accounts. I want everything closed."

"Well, to completely close them we are going to need Martin's signature. Is he available?"

Karen never felt better in her life. Why no, no he isn't. The bastard's going to jail!

"No, he isn't available." Turning to Connie and Suzy, Karen said, "Pick a number one through ten."

Connie said five, and Suzy said seven.

"Okay, then leave six dollars in the accounts. Remove everything else."

Karen left the bank with her very own check book, savings log, and temporary debit card. Karen was also fifty-five thousand dollars richer.

All that money and I couldn't have a dime!

"Wait, I need to make a phone call real quick." Karen used Connie's phone and asked information for the number.

"Thank you for calling American Express, how can I help you today?"

"Well, I lost my card and I need to cancel it." Karen recited the card number from memory.

"Okay, that's no problem. I can send you out another one."

"No, I don't want another one. I want to cancel the card."

"Okay, let me look. Your card has a twelve-thousand dollar outstanding balance on it. I would also need Martin's permission to close it."

"That's okay. I'll pay that off, but I don't want that card to be used again."

"I can't just close this account. But I can send you out a new card because you lost yours. Then the old one won't be able to be used."

"Okay, fair enough. I would also like the address changed because we don't live there anymore, and we also have a different phone number. Just send one card out to our new address." Connie quickly held out her driver's license. Karen recited the information, mouthing the words 'thank you' at the end.

"Did I forget anything?" Karen was grinning and not feeling any of the pain when she hung up the phone.

"Ya know what? You did a mighty damn fine job!" Suzy was smiling, as was Connie.

Suzy drove to a local pharmacy where Karen could pick up her antibiotic ointment, fresh bandages, and some Tylenol. Karen refused pain medicine. She needed to keep a clear head.

She didn't much feel up to being stared at in a restaurant, so they picked up a pizza and brought it back to the motel. Karen agreed to stay the night with them rather than be alone.

She took a long, hot bubble bath after they ate, so she wouldn't get her face wet. Plus, she needed to relax and get used to the fact that she would never get hit again. They went to bed at ten and Karen slept with Suzy in the big queen size bed. The cot just looked too uncomfortable. Everyone was exhausted and fell asleep in minutes.

Suzy woke up at one in the morning to use the bathroom and get some water. Sitting up to put her slippers on her feet, a scream made her fly to the light switch. Karen was springing out of the bed as fast as she could, barely able to breathe. Connie and Suzy both ran to her.

"Oh my God...Karen, are you okay?" Connie asked as she tried to make sure it wasn't from her face.

It took the shaking Karen a bit to settle down. When she realized where she was, she told them about how Martin would beat her when she was asleep, and that Suzy's movement in bed made her think Martin was there. Comforting Karen back to where she could sleep again, Connie and Suzy shared a bed so Karen wouldn't have to go through that again.

Being stabbed with knives and daggers without them even touching my skin...

Karen wondered silently if there would ever come a time when Martin would completely be gone.

10 ~ Saturday

Connie, Suzy, and Karen entered the lobby at seven in the morning and had bagels and coffee. Karen knew that other women were staring at her but it didn't bother her like it did yesterday, as these women looked at her for other reasons. Good reasons. Many of the women gave Karen their phone numbers for court purposes. She knew that the battered women who witnessed the assault had been there themselves. Karen also thought about the women who suffered assaults and didn't live to tell about it. She felt grateful just knowing that Martin could have easily killed her, but wasn't able to. She survived, all because of her sisters.

They went inside after breakfast and sat at a table that had two other women at it. One of the women gave Karen a business card and told her she saw the whole incident with Martin and was available to testify.

Linda passed by their table on her way up to the stage, squeezed Karen's shoulder and told her, "Welcome back, I'm so happy to see you today."

"Thank you. Thank you for everything." Karen hadn't expected to be judged by these women, but she never thought she'd get this much support either.

"Good morning, sisters." Linda smiled as she looked over the auditorium. "We didn't have anyone check out over night and it looks like everyone is present this morning, so that's a very great thing. Karen is back with us this morning as well, so let's give her a round of applause and let her be an inspiration to us all."

Karen stood and shyly waved to everyone, whispering "Thank you" as she did so. She felt closer to these women and didn't even know them. It's funny how you can bond with complete strangers.

Linda smiled at Karen as the applause died down and then stepped back up close to the microphone.

"Ladies, let me see by a show of hands, how many of you have had to share the man you were or are with?"

Almost everyone raised their hand. Karen didn't see Suzy or Connie put their hands up. I was so engulfed in what was going on with me; I don't even know their story. Karen would remind herself to find out today. Maybe she could some way help them as they had helped her.

"Does anyone know why men cheat on their wives, girlfriends, whatever kind of relationship they are in?"

"...Because they think with the wrong head!" One woman shouted, and the auditorium filled with agreements and laughter.

"Well, the answer is quite simple. I know that women cheat also, but this weekend is about women so I will focus only on that. Men cheat because women don't say 'NO.' Imagine that. Imagine if every woman on this earth said 'No.' That is why I said we are all sisters. All of us are, even the women who are not here with us today. If they only said that one simple word, 'No,' then it wouldn't happen.

"If a man wants to be with someone else, so be it. That is a whole lot different than finding out he's been sharing a bed with someone else. Not every relationship is meant to be. But acting on that impulse or thought is a lot different than just a want or having needs met. Simply put, you end a relationship before you start another one. And if you don't, that's called cheating. The pain is often times worse than any physical torture. Emotional scars are much harder to heal.

"The first time I caught my husband cheating on me, and I know there were previous women but I just ignored the signs, I was devastated. The other woman had the nerve to call my home. She said, 'Eddie and I are in love and he wants us to spend the rest of our lives together.' She begged me to divorce Eddie. When he came home that evening, late again of course, I confronted him. You know what he said? 'Honey, why would I cheat when I have someone as great as you?' I almost threw up in my mouth. Then I told him about the phone call. He said it was a secretary at work that kept hitting on him. When he told her he was married, she became angry and that's why she called with those ridiculous lies.

"I went out one day to the bookstore, as Eddie would never let me work. I used to be a teacher but he made me quit my job long ago. He also hated it when I left the house. So, I really wasn't supposed to be at the book store, but off I went anyway. At an outdoor café I saw him. He was sitting with a pretty brunette, holding her hands underneath the table. But that day I got guts. I snuck in through the side door of the café and bought them each a drink and had it sent to their table. I said, 'Tell them the drinks are from Linda.' I was watching them. His face turned sheet white as if he might vomit. She was asking him, 'Linda is your wife's name? I thought you said you were leaving her.' See, Eddie was even cheating on the woman he was cheating on me with. Then I walked over, picked up Eddie's drink, and threw it in his face. Silly him beat me right there at the café. One of the patrons called the police. And that was the beginning of Eddie's abuse getting disclosed to the court system. He only received two years in prison. I believed he'd be a new man. Of course, I was wrong. He had been writing to me from prison and giving me false promises. It would take many years of abuse before I left Eddie for good.

"He broke my hand and arm that day and knocked my front teeth out before some other male customers showed up who were capable of pulling him off of me. They kept him pinned until the police arrived. If all women would say 'NO' to married or attached men, cheating would cease to exist. That doesn't mean that every man is honest. But ladies, making sure, very sure that a man is single before saying 'yes' will help stop the destruction of many sisters. If you find out differently, then walk away from that man. Those scars are so hard to heal, so don't add to them for other women. Your trust is gone, faith is gone, your self-esteem leaves you, and your confidence is broken.

"You are left with no sense of self-worth, and you spend the rest of your life feeling nothing more than ugly and unwanted. Every single flaw on your body becomes magnified by a thousand and you actually convince yourself that somehow his actions were your fault. 'If I was just thinner, if I was prettier,' you name it. We then begin to destroy ourselves even further, and for some women this kind of destruction causes them to take their own lives. This spiral to destruction from the actions of a cheating man begins because women don't say 'no.'

"And, ladies, this also applies to turning the other cheek. The old saying of 'I don't want to get involved' has to end! If you turn your cheek when you know a man is cheating on one of your sisters, you are as guilty as the man. Maybe it will cost you a friendship. Maybe it will make your friendship stronger. But to turn the other cheek because of your own selfish reasons isn't acceptable. If you were getting physically beaten and your female friends appeared, you would expect those friends to jump in and save you. Being beaten up inside can be worse. Ladies, you have to step in.

"Sisters protect sisters. If all women did that, then there wouldn't be any reason for a woman to feel so alone. Reach out to women in pain! Give them some of your strength when they have none. There is hope, there are answers, there is a future cut out for you that is way better than the one you exist in now. And I use the word exist because, ladies, where you came from is NOT living. You all enjoy your lunch and I will see you back here at one."

The auditorium stood and clapped, and then the sound of chairs moving out of the way and small chatter filled the air.

∞ ∞ ∞ ∞

Connie was obviously in deep thought as they sat down to enjoy a nice buffet assortment provided by the hotel. She said, "I sure am glad that Randy never cheated on me. And thank God I never had to see the hell that you did, Karen."

"Yeah, same with me, I don't think Blake is capable of giving another woman attention. He would fall asleep." Suzy laughed as Connie agreed.

"What brought you guys here?" asked Karen.

"We got sick and tired of feeling sick and tired. Both Randy and my husband Blake are best friends," Suzy explained, "and they treat us equally, as if we don't exist. After a while we began feeling that way too. We were trapped in these feelings and the thoughts became constricting. You kind of die as a person inside, and we don't want to live like that anymore. We came to learn how to reclaim our lives. We were both strong, outgoing women and then married right out of high school. It went downhill from there."

"Speaking of Randy," Connie stood up. "I'm going to go call him."

"I'm not going to call Blake."

"Suz, you really should, even if it's just for a minute."

"I don't know. I'll think about it."

"Suzy, come with me and call him. By not calling you are going to make everything worse."

"Okay, I'll call him. But I really don't miss him because I'm still so angry with him."

Suzy followed Connie out into the parking lot to escape the noise inside.

Connie dialed Randy's cell phone. "Hi, Randy."

"Oh, hiya, Connie, I'm sorry I haven't called. You must have been out with Suzy when I left. We took off early, so I packed a bag and I haven't had a chance to call. How are things at the house? I called a repairman to come in and fix a leak on the roof over the deck. Did he show up yet?"

He doesn't even know I've left.

Connie hung up.

Suzy looked bleakly at Connie and then dialed Blake's cell phone.

"Hello?" It was a woman. "Hello?"

"Who is this?"

"This is Carol, who is this?"

"Can I speak to Blake please?"

"Oh I'm sorry, we slept in. He's in the shower."

"Tell him his wife called."

Carol quickly hung up.

Suzy's eyes filled with tears as she tried to breathe. She was gasping for air. She took off running, running to escape Blake. She ran to escape Carol and ran to escape what she'd become. She ran even faster to escape her pain, to escape her skin. Connie ran after her. Suzy stopped two blocks down, violently throwing up at the corner. Cars were slowing down to watch her. Connie stared as her friend fell to her knees and buried her face in her hands. Suzy pressed her tear-stained face on the cold, dirty ground. Suzy accidentally dumped out her purse contents while grabbing for her phone. She dialed the dealership. Lucinda answered the phone, Blake's secretary.

"Lucinda, it's Suzy."

"What's wrong, Suz. You sound like you've come down with a bad cold."

"What were the names of the couple that Blake had dinner with the other night?"

Silence.

"Lucinda, what were their names?!"

Silence.

"Dammit, Lu, who were they?!"

"God, Suzy I'm so sorry. I can't keep this to myself anymore. I know I'll lose my job, but I just don't care. Your husband is a gross pig and he's been one for years."

Suzy hung up the phone.

Connie was kneeling in front of Suzy with her arms around her, crying for her, slowly rocking her best friend.

"I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!! I...DIDN'T...EVEN...KNOW!!" Suzy threw her phone out into the street and watched as cars ran it over, smashing it. She got to her feet and stood there with her hands down to her side while Connie held her. She took off her wedding ring and let it lazily fall into a sewer. Connie held her hand and guided her back to the hotel.

"I love you, Suzy, and there isn't anything we can't get through together." Connie was enraged, feeling the anger and tears heat her face.

Karen didn't know what had happened but she knew it wasn't anything good by the looks of Suzy, her red tear-stained face, the dirt on her knees. She followed Connie and Suzy into the auditorium. She watched Suzy's hands shake, watched tears fall from her eyes, watched her sink

11

Linda walked up on stage and smiled at everyone. "Ladies, that was some lunch, wasn't it?" The crowd agreed.

"Let me begin by saying this. I don't stand up here to say my story is better or worse than yours, but to let you know that the frail, weak woman I used to be no longer exists. I'm here to give you hope. There is such pain in not feeling good enough. Do you know how I made it through everything? It was certainly not because of me waking up one day saying 'Enough is enough.' It was because of my true women friends that I found while trying to reclaim myself. I stayed glued to them. They loved me until I could once again love myself. They held me up when all the strength in my legs was gone. They helped me walk when I could only crawl.

"The hardest thing I ever did in my life was to ask for help. To eat humble pie and say to these women, 'I need help.' You can't always soften the pain, but you can at least make it through it. You can do anything you set your mind on when you have people there to support you. Now I understand why my mother told me those words over and over again, because they're very true. Who brought a good friend with them or met a new friend here? Raise your hand."

Connie and Suzy looked at each other and raised their hands. After a moment, Karen looked at both of them and raised her hand.

"Now, ladies, turn to your friend and I want you to say, 'I need your help to get through this. Will you help me?'"

There were lots of muffled voices, women embracing, tears flowing.

Suzy looked at Connie, "Well, babe, I guess it's just you and me. I can't do it. I don't even know how. Will you help me through this?" Suzy was choking back sobs.

Audibly crying, Connie said, "You mean the world to me, Suz. I would move mountains for you. There is nothing you have to go through alone. Nothing..."

Karen got up, went around the table, and hugged them both. "We will all help each other because God knows I can't do this alone. It's all bigger than me."

"Congratulations, sisters! You have just made an army that is way bigger than any problem you could ever face. The power of a woman is great. The power of women who have bonded is incredible. You will win. None of you have to be a statistic. None of you have to continue being abused. But remember, nothing changes if nothing changes. If you don't change your situation, your thinking, your actions, then your pain will continue.

"I'm not saying that every marriage or relationship needs to end. Some respond to counseling. But I strongly urge you not to step back into a relationship without the other person getting professional help. When a man cheats on you, look at it this way, he was stupid enough to throw away a winning lotto ticket. You are a winner. We are all winners. And you have to believe that sometimes bad things like this happen because there is something better out there for you. If your husband or boyfriend cheated on you, just know that he will cheat on that person as well. You have it in you to cheat, or you don't. But never, ever forget this. Ladies, read this out loud."

Words appeared on the overhead again.

"THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH ME. I DIDN'T CAUSE THIS. I AM NOT TO BLAME FOR HIS SELFISH ACTIONS. I AM WORTH MORE THAN THIS!"

Everyone chanted loudly. Connie glanced at Suzy and said the words extra loud just for her. She said it for Suzy because Suzy couldn't say it herself. Connie was watching her best friend crumble before her eyes. She watched her stare blankly down at her ring finger and watched her go to a place she's never seen her go to before. She couldn't stand it. Connie excused herself during their fifteen minute break and went outside while Karen tried to get Suzy to talk to her and get an idea of what had just happened.

Once outside, Connie got out her cell phone and dialed Blake's number.

"Hello." It was Blake.

"You worthless piece of shit...I can't believe you did this to your wife and your daughter. I will make sure she's okay, and I will take care of her. I swear to God if you hurt her again it will be the last thing that you do, you son of a bitch! I never want you near my home or any place that I am. And I hope to God when your daughter finds out that you cheated on her, she handles it better than your wife. You loser! I never thought you were that kind of creep. I lost all respect for you! Don't you come near my husband. Don't you ever talk to us again! I will help Suzy get away from you. You threw away everything that was great in your life and for what, a piece of ass?! This won't be kept quiet, I promise you that. I'll even get a big ad put in the paper of what a lowlife you really are. You are scum! Suzy will make it out of this on top. I'll make sure of that. Don't you call her, don't you contact her in any way. Your next stop is divorce court, and I hope she takes you for everything you have. Her name is on that dealership as well. You have done nothing but disgrace her! For how long Blake, how long have you been cheating on your wife and your daughter?? No more. It's done. You have lost everything. Don't make me have to contact you again; it will only get worse from here. Don't you underestimate me, and don't you underestimate me and Suzy when we are together. I'm in her corner, asshole. Be very, very afraid. Our wrath is coming, you bastard. Enjoy your afternoon slut, because it cost you your family! And the next time you take your little piece of ass to a nice restaurant and treat her special? You think about the wife you had and how you kept her at home and never watered her, like some hated, discarded plant. I'm going to hang up the phone now before I find a way to drag you through the phone holes and beat your ass!!"

"Tell Suz I'm real sorry."

"GO TO HELL!"

After Connie stood there for a few minutes fuming, she put the phone back in her purse and smiled. Turning around to head back inside, she saw Suzy and Karen staring at her. Connie was dumbfounded.

Going to Connie, Suzy wrapped her arms around her friend and whispered, "Thank you for being my voice when I didn't have one."

"Any time, babes, you're under my wing now."

"I love you so much, Connie."

"I love you too, girl. Like I said before, we're in this together, okay?"

Karen joined them, wrapping her fragile, bruised arms around her new friends. "That's right, Suzy. We are all in this together, and I will protect you with everything I have. So just know that I have money and you don't ever have to go back there. We can get an apartment or even be hobos on the beach. It doesn't matter to me. We are family."

"I leave the cap off the toothpaste," Suzy said while trying to laugh through tears.

"That's fine, Suzy. I leave the lid up." Karen was already laughing, and then Connie joined them.

Connie, Suzy, and Karen were a few minutes late. Linda was already standing at the podium.

"Sometimes, the scarring inside of a woman doesn't have to be from physical abuse or even from cheating men. When you are treated like you're nothing for years on end, you begin to believe it. You stop defending yourself. You lose the truth inside of yourself and replace it with the lies he has created for you.

"I wasn't allowed to work. He dictated what I wore even. I seriously was waiting for cobwebs to form on me. There wasn't a birthday or anniversary he paid attention to, even when I reminded him. He never took me out. At one time I considered myself to be pretty. That turned into me calling myself 'Plain Jane.' I think I began letting myself go when he helped me believe that I wasn't worth caring about. I will tell you this though: those thoughts, those negative lies we tell ourselves sneak up on you over time, and you don't even recall when it happened. We seem to only care when someone else cares for us. Sometimes we hold those beliefs because of the way we were raised. But remember this, ladies. Read this out loud."

Words on the overhead appeared again and the women loudly read them. "MY HAPPINESS IS MY OWN RESPONSIBILITY, NO ONE ELSE'S!"

"As women, this is what we do. We find a man. A man who sweeps us off of our feet and makes us feel good. They do such a good job at making us feel happy that we completely give him that job. And the first time he does something to hurt us, we are sad. We are broken. Why? Because we gave him the responsibility of our happiness for so long that we forgot how to do it, how to make our own selves happy. So we go around emotionally bankrupt. That causes us to 'do anything' to get happy again. We become desperate. So we start putting up with physical and emotional abuse because afterwards at some point, he will be really sorry and comfort us; make it up to us, treat us like we're special, make us happy. But, ladies, what we really get is called a bandage.

"The wound is still there, growing and festering. But we ignore the pain that keeps building up because for a short bit, that bandage makes all the pain go away. So we spend our time doing what I call 'Chasing Bandages.' We constantly will put up with abuse, be it physical or emotional. We will do anything to get that relief. Having the pain get buried for a short while, at any cost, is worth it to us. Just so we can feel happy, even though that happiness isn't genuine and is very temporary. It isn't real. But, sisters, you have to keep that job as your own. NEVER depend on a man to make you happy. That way when he stops being an asset in your life, when he begins to bring your heart and body harm, you will still be one step ahead. You don't have to go through the painful process of relearning how to make yourself happy.

"Don't ever let anyone pretend they can handle the responsibility of making and keeping you happy. Today we will learn to do this for ourselves. We don't need any more bandages. We need to borrow strength from our sisters to help heal the wounds. We can grow and become stronger and relearn the fact that we are worth defending. Defend your heart, ladies, defend your bodies, and defend your beliefs.

"When you were young I'm almost positive you didn't say, 'I want to be a battered woman when I grow up.' 'I want to be cheated on.' 'I want to get ignored like a piece of furniture.'"

Everyone laughed at this, not out of humor so much, but because everyone knew it was true.

"So ask yourselves this: What happened? When you were younger and swore you would never let any of those things happen to you, what happened to change that? You let a man take the total responsibility for your happiness until you reached the point of starving emotionally. 'Emotional Bankruptcy.' A drowning woman will reach for a toothpick. That's what we became somewhere down the line. Out of desperation we hungered for whatever crumbs would get thrown our way, until pretty soon we became mentally and physically trapped. We became the broken women we said we'd never become. We started to drown.

"When you look back, you realize this probably all snuck up on you. We began to make excuses for our men. Why they hit us. Why they cheated. Why we were forgotten. The answers all pointed directly at us. Everything became our fault. The more we looked at our faults, the more faults we found until we saw very little, if any, goodness in ourselves. So we began to reach for toothpicks. There isn't one woman in this room who isn't capable of regaining self-worth and regaining self-love. Starting over and healing our wounds, never to touch another emotional bandage, begins now, ladies.

"There are tablets and pens on every table. I want everyone to write down five good things about themselves. PLEASE do not write 'I get along with people.' This is NOT a job interview."

Some women were laughing while others were crossing out that very thing on the list they started writing.

"I want the qualities inside of your heart. The positive physical qualities you see. Write those things down. Then we'll have some of you share your list out loud."

She gave everyone five minutes. Connie wrote down her five things. Karen looked angry as she wrote her list down. Suzy sat there with her pen lying on the table.

Connie snatched up Suzy's paper. "I will NOT let you do this!" Connie filled out Suzy's list.

"Okay, who would like to share their list?"

Connie pulled Suzy from her chair and Karen helped her. Suzy tried to resist, but these two women seemed to have the strength of ten men.

"Suzy would like to share her list!" Connie yelled.

Connie forced the list into Suzy's hands. Suzy cleared her throat and kept trying to swallow back tears.

"I am beautiful. I have a wonderful, giving heart. I am honest. I am worth over a billion bucks. I am the best mother a child could want."

While she read the list, both Connie and Karen wept with her, for her.

"What is your name, hun?" asked Linda as she smiled.

"My name is Suzy."

"Well, Suzy, that is such a beautiful list."

"I didn't write it. My friend did. I don't really feel any of these things."

"It's okay, sweetie, that's what sisters are for, to love you until you can love yourself. There's one important thing on your list I would like to address. Being a good mother. Ladies, did you know we are all teachers? We teach our daughters how to be and how not to be treated. We are examples to them. They learn to become strong women from us. We even teach our sons how to treat women. We are teachers. Ladies, if you have a daughter and you are in this room, it doesn't mean that you faltered as a mother. It means that you are doing something about your situation to change things, to make your life better. And THAT is the best thing you can teach them: HOPE.

"So yes, Suzy, you are a great mother. And I really love your hair. You are beautiful. And just being in this room does show that you care about yourself. Maybe it isn't a lot. But the beginning is just that, 'the beginning.' The seed of hope has been planted within you. We are all winners here. There will be best friendships created in this room with women you never knew before. The first day you came in, you may have felt alone. Perhaps you felt you weren't worth much love. But I can see there are women here who love you a huge amount and, Suzy, I want to thank you for sharing that list. Thank you for coming to this gathering. And thank you for becoming a better teacher for your child and any young woman who comes into your life. How many of you sisters here think Suzy is a beautiful, remarkable woman, good mother, and teacher?"

The crowd stood and clapped. Suzy wrapped her arms around Connie. "What would I ever do without you?"

"Well, you're never going to find out."

Several women shared their lists. Connie and Suzy looked over at Karen's list. Karen was a beautiful woman.

Connie, with a concerned look on her face, said, "Karen, you are beautiful. Why didn't you write that down?"

"I know this sounds pretty bad. But it's been six and a half years since I have seen my face without bruises and places swollen on it. I really don't remember what my face looks like undamaged."

"Well, he can rot in prison, hun. Maybe he will look really good to Bubba," Suzy shared with a smirk on her face.

With that, the girls couldn't stop laughing.

"Yeah, I'm going to buy him some soap on a rope and make sure it's made of nothing but weak, frayed strands that will always break in the shower." Connie held up a twenty dollar bill from her purse. "Where's the soap section?"

The girls gave Karen a high five as they got up to head back to their motel. Every few minutes it seemed like they were losing Suzy. She wouldn't eat any dinner, and both Connie and Karen listened while Suzy cried softly in her pillow.

Connie rolled over onto her side and wrapped her arms around her friend and whispered, "You're worth more than this, babes. I will write your worth across the sky just for you, if that's what it takes."

"I'll fly the plane, Suzy," Karen said.

Take your knives and daggers and shove them up your ass, Blake!

12 ~ Sunday

"Ladies, let me again remind you. We have representatives from multiple organizations that were created just to help women. I hope you go to them afterward. They can make your journey toward living the life you more than deserve, a whole lot easier. But now, I have a very special guest. Please provide a warm welcome."

A stout man walked onto the stage and stood in front of the microphone. He looked over the audience that looked back at him with confused looks on their faces.

"Hi, everyone, my name is Eddie."

The gasps that came from the crowd were quite audible.

"I know it is shocking to see me up here and I know most, if not all, of you hate me, especially when Linda shared with you painful pieces of her life. I am no longer married to Linda. She is a wonderful, loving woman, and I ruined our marriage and tried to ruin her. My last trip to prison changed me. I took lots of classes in there on anger, abuse, etc. It was an ugly awakening. So I decided that I had to somehow try and make amends to her. 'I'm sorry,' just doesn't cut it. So I decided that for women to really understand men like myself, they needed to hear from one. And I figured since I made Linda walk around for years with bruises and scars all over her face, not to mention broken bones, the least I could do was show my face and admit to being the one who did that to her. I'm in no way doing any of this for forgiveness, though Linda has forgiven me, I don't see how I deserve it.

"Why do men abuse women? I don't know what goes through every man's head, but for most men this stands true. Abuse of women goes back for years and years. It used to be expected for men to beat their women into submission, and that still holds true in lots of cultures. That gave men the feeling of being in control. It gave them power.

"Another reason, which happened in my own family, was that I saw my father beat my mother and sister repeatedly when I was a young boy. He died of a heart attack when I was thirteen. But by then the seed had been planted in me. Another reason, which also was true in my own family, is that no one stops abusers. People will listen to the yelling and screaming through walls or out on the streets. But no one wants to get involved. That gives the abuser an even bigger feeling of having power and control. No one can stop him.

"After the first beating, the beatings become harsher in order to keep the woman from leaving. If she leaves, it means he no longer has control and has 'lost' so to speak. His power gets stripped from him. Also, once a man has beaten a woman and gets away with it, it's another mark on his post of triumphs. The sense of being powerful gets greater. Often times, men will blame the beatings on being drunk. But usually, you don't see drunks picking out random people or their friends or the police, and beating them. They get drunk, go home, and beat their wife or girlfriend. This is the chosen way to deal with anger, feelings of inadequacy, or any feelings or thoughts that are making the abuser feel powerless. The abuser is great at justifying his actions.

"You either beat your wife or you don't. If you only beat your wife 'that one time,' you ARE a batterer. IF A MAN HITS YOU EVEN ONCE, HE WILL HIT YOU AGAIN. Do NOT believe the lie that he'll stop. You will never be safe with him, get out of that relationship. It sickens me when women say, 'Oh he's being so good now.' That, ladies, is the bandage that Linda was talking about. They can lure you into forgiving them and not leaving. The bandage is like a drug. It is addictive. It feels good. But the bandage is nothing but a lie. Never accept that, that will bring you peace, joy, happiness--all the things you should have had all along.

"Abusive men, both physical and emotional abusers, are the ones who hand out the bandages, ladies. Don't forget this. Would you take candy from someone who has a history of poisoning kids? Would you run into the arms of a man holding a knife? It's the same thing. That bandage puts rose colored glasses on you. It hides the bad and gives you a sense of peace, love, and security, but it is all a lie. Think of it this way. If he was really a good person, you wouldn't need that bandage to begin with. You wouldn't have any physical or emotional wounds.

"I caused my share of wounds to Linda. I was a horror, a tyrant. I love her more than anyone could know. But I also know we are better off being the close friends that we are. She deserves to be with someone who would never cause her to seek a bandage. You may judge me if you'd like. I can't undo the ugliness that I've done to her. I can't change the fact that I tortured her both physically and emotionally for years and years.

"Linda never mentioned this, but one night after I beat her beyond belief, she cut her wrists. She thought it was the only way out. When I got home and found her, she was unconscious. And do you know that I hesitated taking her to the emergency room because I didn't want them to see all her wounds and get into trouble with the law? How selfish is that? Just knowing she attempted to take her own life, all because of me, made me sick. She nearly died. This caused me to stop beating her. For two days, I gave Linda a bandage. Then I went right back at it. I will never forgive myself for everything I've done to her.

"I educate women now. I do conferences in the system for men who are abusers. This is the best I can do to help clean up the wreckage. Every woman is beautiful, and you should be treated like the queens you all are. Thank you for letting me speak to your group today. Stay strong enough to make a change. If you were strong enough to endure all that you have, then by God, you can endure the challenges that lie ahead of you on your journey to become safe and to have a happy, joyous life. God bless you all."

At first the crowd of women sat there staring at him in silence as he walked off the stage. Linda was dabbing at her eyes. Then they stood, one by one, and the standing ovation blared. Slowly with her head up, Linda approached the microphone again.

"Well, our time together is over. Just so you know, there were two hundred and ninety eight women that gathered here for this. Share your knowledge to others when you get home. My email address is on the back of the welcome packet you received when you came in. I truly do care about each and every one of you, and I hope you keep me updated on how you're doing. Remember that you DO NOT EVER have to go through any of this alone. Your secrets that brought you such harm will die in the light of exposure. May God carry you all the days of your life, keeping you safe, warm, and surrounded by those who love you. Take care, my sisters."

Linda bowed to everyone as the women cried and clapped, then headed towards the podium to hug her.

"I really love that woman," Karen said as she got up to go embrace Linda.

Connie and Suzy nodded and followed Karen. Everyone agreed that she was an angel sent to them in order for them to live. A woman so amazing that they would carry her in their hearts with each waking day for the rest of their lives.

∞ ∞ ∞ ∞

Connie, Suzy, and Karen drove to a quiet café on the shore to have dinner and talk.

"We have to all have a plan," Connie said.

Suzy came out of her shell some since earlier and was now experiencing severe anger.

"Connie, what are you going to do with Randy?"

"Well for now, nothing. He doesn't even know I'm gone. As for now, I have no intentions of going home. I'll wait until he calls me and take it from there. But no more... No more will I be nothing but an old, crumpled, spineless pile of clothes shoved in a closet."

"Good girl," said Karen. "You are important and if he can't see that then he's just robbing himself of the opportunity to grow old with an amazing, beautiful, fun woman. In other words, screw him."

They all laughed for a while. It felt good to sit and actually be liked and loved by the company you were with.

"Karen, where are you going to go?" asked Connie.

"Well, I'm taking Suzy with me. We will start new lives some place. Do you want to come?"

Connie thought for a minute, thought of her old life. She looked over at the water, then at these two wonderful women who loved her, cared about her, and thought she was beautiful. "Yes."

They all made a toast, "To US!" with their pretty water glasses. Then they paid the bill and walked out to Suzy's Jeep. The wind off the water made the air freezing cold.

"Well, which way?"

"Let's close our eyes and point either left or right. Straight ahead means we drown, and backwards means we run into those other parked cars. When we open our eyes after a count of three, whichever way two of us are pointing, that's the way we go." Karen smiled at her idea.

Connie asked, "Ready? Close your eyes and point!" She counted to three and opened her eyes. Everyone was pointing to the right. Laughing, Suzy put the Jeep in drive and hit the road.

Karen looked at Suzy's eyes in the rear view mirror. She saw her sadness, the deep, painful thought. It doesn't matter how we got here. Broken is broken.

13

After driving for about an hour, they found an exit that had lots of gas stations, motels, restaurants, and stores. They pulled into a gas station and filled up the Jeep. Suzy looked around as she walked inside and was greeted with the nauseating smell of some kind of over-heated sausage. Chase Bank stood on the corner, she noticed, but was closed.

"Hey, guys. Can we get a room here for the night?" Suzy pointed over her shoulder at the bank. Connie smiled. Karen looked puzzled. "I have to run an errand there at that bank in the morning. I need money to live. I won't take it all. But if he can spend our money on that tramp or however many women he's involved with, then I should certainly be able to have some money of my own to live on."

"Amen, sistah!" Karen gave her a high five.

"Good girl, Suzy. I'm kind of screwed. There aren't any of my bank branches up here."

"Dear Connie, go to any ATM and do a withdraw every day until you have what you need. There will be a fee, but then again, you paid your dues. Until then, or if you run out of money, I'm more than willing to share!" exclaimed Suzy.

Karen whipped out her bank book, "Me too!"

It felt good to laugh.

They found a cheap but clean motel room, and then Suzy drove Connie to an ATM. She could only withdraw one thousand dollars a day because that's how Randy set it up. The only way she could have the withdraw limit extended would be to call the bank and ask him to increase it. She was not about to do that.

"Okay, Suz, when you go to this bank in the morning, I will come with you to this ATM again and make another withdraw for myself."

"Deal." Suzy was so glad she didn't have to go through any of this alone.

"Okay, we need a bunch of newspapers and one of those little magazines that advertise apartments for rent. Living in a motel won't cut it. You guys are making me look cheap." They all laughed. Karen liked making them laugh. They deserve to laugh again.

Back at their motel room at The Royalty Suites, which clearly was a lie, they spread out their drinks, junk food, magazines, and newspapers. Connie was the secretary, so all their ideas and 'to do' lists would be in sync; nothing left out, forgotten or missed.

"Okay. First we need to find a place to live. Do you guys like this town?" asked Karen.

"It's beautiful here, but I haven't got the slightest idea of what town this is, do you?" Suzy asked as she got a map out of the dresser drawer, which also held a small pad of paper with "The Royalty Suite" printed on the top, a pencil, and a Bible.

"Well I kind of remember a sign with something that started with an 'H'," Karen said.

"It looks like we are in a town named Houghton. The next town is called Hancock." Suzy opened up the map a little more. It looks like we are still in the Keweenaw Peninsula, just at the base of it. I really love it here. I feel attached to this place now, like it's my home."

"I love it here too, Suzy." Karen squeezed Suzy's hand.

"I think," began Connie, "this is where our healing will happen. I really like it here too."

"Guys, look. These apartments aren't that much as long as we don't get one right on Houghton Lake. Oh, wait! Here is a three bedroom house we can rent. Five hundred and sixty-five a month, but doesn't include any utilities. The pictures look really nice. We need to put down a thousand for a security deposit. Do you want me to call on it?" Karen circled the listing with a pen and then showed it to Connie and Suzy.

"Oh wow, it has hardwood floors throughout. Let's call and see if we can go look at it in the morning. It's dark out now so we wouldn't be able to see the outside of it." They could tell Suzy was daydreaming about living there. She was smiling, but sad, all at the same time. "Guys, there are some things at my house that I really want to have. If --" Suzy was instantly cut off.

"Uh, we're coming too, and we won't take no for an answer." Both Connie and Karen pretty much said the same thing at the same time.

Suzy sighed with relief and blinked back tears.

Connie put her arm around Suzy, giving her a squeeze. "We wouldn't let you go alone, Suzy. We will always be one step ahead of you in that department. Don't you ever worry about that. From here on out, none of us will go through anything alone, again. Besides, I will have to go home and confront Randy. And I have to get the credit card that Karen had mailed to my house. Which reminds me, tomorrow, if we take that house we will have to call the police and let them know where to find Karen so we can make court dates."

She said 'we!' At this moment Karen never felt closer to any two people in all her life. "I will have to call my mom tomorrow and let her know I'm safe. Wait, I think tomorrow I need to go get my own phone." Karen hadn't had her own phone in seven years.

Suzy's eyebrows went up. "You know, my phone got in a car wreck and didn't make it out alive. I should get another one myself."

"Okay, I've written all of this stuff down. Tomorrow I guess we need to think about jobs," Connie said, staring at Suzy who was looking grimmer as reality was sinking in.

Karen turned to face her new friend. "You know, Suzy, between us we have a lot of money. We will be just fine for a while. I think we just need to breathe for a bit. Something none of us have been able to do for years and years. Let's just enjoy life some, do some cool things in town. I mean hell, if I can go around with my face looking this jacked up, then you can at least put a smile on yours for me." Karen made the best funny face she could, and Suzy laughed.

"I think we should all try to get some sleep. We have to be up early to get all of this stuff done. I think moving into an actual home will make us all feel a little more secure. And Karen is right. As soon as we get the necessities taken care of, we need to go have some old-fashioned fun!" Connie said, getting up from her chair and opening her suitcase.

"My God," said Karen, trying not to burst out laughing. But she did anyway.

"What?" asked Connie, "What's so funny?"

When she could talk she said, "You have duck pajamas! Bright yellow ones!"

"Yes I do! Aren't they cool? And look at these silk pajamas. I love this lavender color. Suzy and I went on a shopping spree!"

"I just love you," said Karen as she wrapped her arms around Connie.

"Aww, I love you too, kiddo."

Turning off the lights after they were all in bed, Karen said, "Goodnight, John Boy."

"God," said Connie.

Suzy almost fell out of bed laughing.

I will chase away the daggers and knives from you, Suzy. Karen closed her eyes and fell asleep, maintaining a determined look on her face.

They got up at seven, showered, dressed, and headed out to breakfast. As Connie was taking a bite of her toast, her cell phone rang.

"Hello, Randy."

"Hiya, hun, I just wanted to let you know that I should be pulling in around six, so you can get a nice dinner made for me. I'll be starving."

"Yeah, I'll get right on that."

"That's my girl. See you then."

"Bye." Connie hung up and threw her phone down in her purse.

"What an asshole," said Suzy, shaking her head in disgust.

"Yeah," Karen chimed in, "let him eat crow."

"That's right!" said Suzy, picking up her coffee cup. "Here's to CROW!"

They all toasted, but Connie at that moment looked ten years older.

"Okay, let's go look at that house. We have a ten o'clock appointment," Connie said as she pulled money out of her purse to pay for breakfast. For the time being, they all took turns paying for meals.

∞ ∞ ∞ ∞

The house was beautiful. Gene and Mary, an elderly couple, owned the home and lived next door. They were more than delighted those three mature women were interested in renting the house.

"We think you ladies will work out just fine here. I did most of the work inside of the house. I'm glad you like it."

They fell head over heels in love with it. They split the deposit between them.

Gene and Mary stared at Karen's face.

"Karen," began a hesitant Mary, "I know it's none of my business. But what happened to your face?"

"Well I was in a car acc--" Karen let out a long sigh. "My husband was abusive and smashed a glass in my face. I've left him, and I'm prosecuting him. He's in jail right now, so he can't come here." She was afraid of what this would do to their ability to rent from them. She didn't know if Gene and Mary would think she'd bring trouble.

"Karen, Gene and I are very proud of you. Our daughter was beaten for four years. He is in prison for life. Not because of the abuse, but for killing her. He stabbed her to death for sneaking out of the house to get her hair done. He accused her of having an affair. She was only twenty-eight years old. We are very glad that you got out, Karen. And if anyone comes looking for you, we won't tell them you live here. This house you are renting belonged to our daughter Isabel. And if there's anything you ever need, just let us know, okay?"

Wow. Karen didn't expect this. "Thank you, that really means a lot to me. I'm so very sorry for the loss of your daughter. I bet she was a terrific woman. I'm really sorry." The sadness she was feeling for their daughter Isabel was overwhelming her.

"It's alright, Karen," began Gene as he hugged her. Just put plenty of smiles back in that home for us."

After signing the papers they were given keys. Then off they went to the truck to get their luggage. Luckily, the house came furnished. Gene, Mary, and Isabel had excellent taste.

The outside was a soft yellow, aluminum siding with white brick. It had a two-car attached garage, which was empty and clean. The white shutters around the house seemed to glow in the sunlight. The many windows and all the light that poured into the house seemed to symbolize to them a beacon of hope. Their new home had a cute front porch with room for chairs and a nice patio in back with a picnic table and a gas grill, which was covered. It didn't have central air, but the breeze off the water kept the house cool. There was an unfinished but large basement, and most importantly, Karen noted, the house had very nice, durable locks on all the doors and windows.

It doesn't matter how many doors shut in your face. There will always be a window open. Suzy looked up to the sky and whispered, "Thank you."

They ordered a pizza again for dinner. And when the guy asked, 'What's your address?' They all started laughing and scrambling around looking for something with their address on it. Finally, Connie remembered the rental papers and got them out of her purse. She quickly held them up for Suzy. They took turns that night reciting their address by heart, with a lot of added laughter.

"I have to go back to Mac in seven more days to get my stitches out." Karen was looking in the mirror wishing she could take a hot shower.

"That won't be a problem. We'll have you there in time. After we do that, we have to go back to Sutton so I can get my things out of that house. Hopefully he won't be home."

"Oh, honey. Let him be home..." Connie looked at her best friend with fierce determination to protect her, while images of kicking the bastard in his crotch, over and over again, played in her head.

"I think we should wait on the job thing until we get all this other stuff taken care of. The female officer Shelly is going to get all I need from the apartment when they go there to search it."

"That's great, Karen, that way you don't have to see that House of Horrors again." Suzy wished her new friend didn't have to see any of her memories either.

"I think we should fly down," said Connie. "Once we are there we can rent a U-Haul and get everything in one shot. We can rent the big truck in case I need to get my things too. Because I really don't know what's going to happen with me." Connie's eyes began to water and she turned her face away, but the girls were on her as soon as she did.

Holding Connie close to them, Suzy said, "Together, Connie. We do everything together. And I know you don't know what's going to happen with Randy, but do know that we will be there to support you with whatever decision you come up with."

Connie just let the tears flow. They had to come out and were long overdue. The cry felt good to her. And most importantly, these women held her while she sobbed and wiped her tears away when she was done. Then Karen called Randy a 'hoser,' which made Connie laugh again.

As they were cleaning up their dinner mess, the door bell rang. All three women became instantly in fear for Karen.

"Let me get that," said Suzy as she got up. At the door was Mary, with a box.

"I didn't mean to disturb you ladies, and I won't stay. I was just baking some pies and threw together an extra apple one. I just wanted to welcome you all to the neighborhood!"

Connie and the other two thanked Mary, brought the pie to the table, and simply dove in.

"Good Lord, that woman can bake a mean apple pie," Karen said as she rubbed her too-skinny belly.

"Yeah, I gained ten pounds just looking at it!" Suzy laughed.

At six fifteen, Connie's cell phone rang again.

"Hello, Randy."

"Hiya, hun. Where's dinner at? I'm starving over here!" Randy was laughing like a child.

"Randy, I'm so many miles away from home it's not even funny. I left Tuesday afternoon. You haven't even noticed that I left. You never noticed me when I was there. I don't know if I will ever come home, Randy. I definitely am not sure if I can stay married to a man who forgot about me years and years ago. So, as far as your dinner is concerned? I'll give ya twenty bucks to go to any restaurant you want and pick yourself up something real nice to eat. Happy Anniversary, Randy, don't call me again. If I want to talk, I will be the one who calls you."

"Whatcha talkin' about, hun? Did you want me to take you to the Tavern tonight instead? If you don't feel up to cookin' anything, that's fine by me because I really don't want to wait much longer, I'm starving."

Connie hung up on Randy, looked at Suzy and Karen, and smiled a genuine smile. "Wow, did that feel good."

"Good job!" Suzy hugged her and Karen kissed her cheek.

∞ ∞ ∞ ∞

The girls turned the heat up a little in the house and then took off for the grocery store.

"Did I ever tell you that I hated grocery shopping?"

"Yes, Suzy, every single time you have to go do it. And I say, 'I don't mind the shopping but I hate dragging the bags in the house and unloading everything.'"

Laughing, Karen said, "I hate it all too. What would really piss me off is bringing in groceries and putting them all away, just to have Martin instantly appear back in the kitchen when the work was all done and start dragging food out he wanted to eat. He would leave everything out or eat everything. He would only let me spend fifty dollars a week on food and stuff for the house, because he lies and claims he mostly eats out. That was his excuse for limiting how much I could buy. I was stuck there. I couldn't even go to the grocery store without him outside in the car. I wasn't allowed to go out for a meal or even order a pizza. And yet, he would come home drunk and eat the food at home too. So I would have to go for a couple of days or more without any food. You guys hate grocery shopping, but did I ever tell you how much I hate Martin?"

"Oh, darling, we hate Martin too!" Suzy held up her Pepsi, "Here's to hating The Martian!"

Karen never laughed so much since she met these two women.

The grocery store was called Ajay's. It was small and sat back off the road. There were hardly any people in there, but it was clean and everyone was very nice. They were quite impressed with all that Ajay's carried. They bought plenty of fresh fruit and vegetables, staples for the house, and Karen picked up a tube of A&D ointment for her face, for when the sutures came out to help decrease the scarring. They picked out meats for meals that they never made before. Connie found a nice recipe book at the check out counter and they all thumbed through it, reading some of the meals out loud. Karen picked up a small bouquet of flowers for their table and two votive candles in lilac scent.

On the way home, they ran into a shopping center and found a Bed Bath and Beyond, where they purchased towels and other essentials for the house. With a full truck load of things, the women headed for home...their new home, their safe haven.

After putting everything away, they realized they hadn't decided on bedrooms. Connie intentionally said, "I would like the bedroom downstairs if no one minds."

"Fine by me," said Suzy. "I'll take the bedroom off the stairs, and you can take the one across from me, Karen, if that's okay?"

"That's wonderful." Karen took a deep breath and thought, thank you for not letting me have to sleep by a door that Martin could come bashing through.

Connie knew this already though because when they toured the house for the first time, Karen looked at the bedroom, then at the front door, then back at the bedroom.

The next morning they all got up around the same time and went to the kitchen table.

"I can't tell you when the last time was that I slept throughout the entire night." Karen looked radiant, despite her bandages.

"Karen, that is so nice to hear. Hopefully you will do that from now on." Connie gave her a wink and poured three cups of coffee.

"So, what all do we have to do today?" Suzy didn't want to have too much downtime to think.

"Suzy, you and Karen need to get cell phones."

"Well," began Karen, "after that I want to go fishing."

"Are you serious?" Suzy asked as she tried to hold back a laugh.

"Well, I used to go fishing with my grandfather when I was little and I haven't done it since he died. I would love to go. Do you guys know how to fish?"

"Sure we do," Suzy lied. "Fishing would be fun!"

Connie looked at Suzy and laughed because she knew Suzy didn't know the first thing about fishing. Connie did, but disliked it. But poor Suzy didn't have a clue. "That should be a ton of fun!"

∞ ∞ ∞ ∞

After picking up cell phones, (Suzy kept her old number because of her daughter, and Karen picked up a cute pink one) they went to the grocery store and bought fishing supplies. Ajay's was also the local bait and tackle shop. They bought three rods and reels. The owner helped them set the poles up, but Karen set up her own. She picked up a tackle box, filled it with lures, some night crawlers, and other things they'd need, and then off they went to go fishing.

It was mild and sunny out, but they had to dress warm as the wind off the water made it chilly. After about thirty minutes of casting and fixing Suzy's pole every time she got a hook stuck on something, Suzy got a hit.

"I think I got something!"

"Suz, is your line hung up again?"

"No, Karen, I think I really got a fish! What do I do?"

"Okay, when it bites or tugs on it really good, pull back on the pole to set the hook, then slowly reel the fish in."

Suzy felt the pole jerk downward, so she quickly pulled upward on the pole and set the hook. "Oh my God, I think I got him!"

"Okay, now reel him in slowly so you don't pull the hook out of his mouth."

"Oh, look! Here he comes! Oh hurray, I caught my first fish!"

"Hey now, you told me you knew how to fish!" Karen laughed.

"Well, I lied. I don't know squat about fishing. But hell, this is fun!"

Karen went closer to the water to pull the fish up. It was a nice fourteen-inch Walleye. "Good job, Suzy, you caught a Walleye!"

Suzy clapped and did little jumps up and down. "What do we do with it though?"

"Well," Karen couldn't wait for this part. "We are going to clean it and cook it."

"What do you mean clean it? Like gut it and take the scale things off?"

"Well, of course. You don't want to eat the guts and scales."

"I'm so not going to clean that fish."

"You don't want to eat it?"

"No. That's just gross."

"Why? What do you think happens to the fish in restaurants? They clean them and cook them."

"Okay, this is gross. Can we just throw him back?"

"Sure. Open the tackle box and get out the pliers."

"...For what?"

"Well, you have to take the hook out of its mouth before you release him. And this is a Walleye so their fins are like razor wire, and they have very sharp teeth."

"Honestly. I will have to go to the emergency room because I decided to take a hook out of a fish's mouth so it could live?"

"Okay, I better take the hook out." Karen was ready to bust out laughing, and Connie had already lost composure and had tears streaming down her face.

Karen folded down the spines with her gloved hand and with the pliers she crushed the barb, then gently pulled the hook out. She placed the Walleye in the water and slowly moved it back and forth until the fish took off on its own.

"Okay, what was that about? Were you teaching it to swim or something?"

"Well, that's kind of like CPR for a fish. We had him out of water for a bit so that helps get oxygen into them. But I will tell you this, Suzy, and I mean it from the bottom of my heart."

"What's that?"

"Never again will I ever have to watch Comedy Central. If I want to laugh, all I have to do is take you fishing."

Both Connie and Karen had to lean on each other to prevent falling to the ground. Then Suzy busted out laughing and was even able to take a smaller fish off the hook all by herself. They fished for a few hours and then headed home to wash up. Karen cleaned her hands really well at the sink, as did Connie. Suzy took a forty-five minute shower. When she came out her skin was very pink, which was just one more thing to cause the laughter to start all over again. Connie found a picture of a fish in the recipe book, so she tore it out and stuck it on the refrigerator door.

"We need to buy a camera and get an album so we can always have these memories," said Connie. Karen wrote it on the 'to do' list.

After a lunch of garlic bologna, Pringles, and cherry pie, they cleaned up the kitchen.

"Wow, I haven't had garlic bologna in like forever," Karen said while she smiled for choosing it at the deli.

"I always loved garlic bologna, but Randy hates the stuff."

"Yeah," said Suzy, "Blake hates it too, but now he can eat dog shit for all I care."

Connie picked up her glass of Pepsi, "Here's to Blake eating dog shit!"

Cracking up, they all toasted.

14

Karen sat in the exam room and waited for Mac. Suzy and Connie sat in the lobby looking at pictures they had developed. Karen couldn't wait to get the stitches out and was relieved to not have to keep putting bandages on her face.

"Karen! It's so good to see you. How are you doing?"

Karen looked at this wonderful, tall, thin, beautiful woman who had helped her. Her hair was light brown and done up in a loose but professional bun. The only details Karen remembered about her that night were her soft touch, her warmth, and caring eyes. The terror she felt from that night was beginning to raise its ugly head again. "I'm feeling much better." Stuttering, Karen inquired about what was dwelling on her mind since the drive to the hospital. "Is Martin out of the hospital yet?"

"Well, he developed an infection so he had to stay some extra days, but they transported him to the jail yesterday."

"Has bail been set?"

"I don't know about that one. You could probably call the prosecutor or the jail and find out. Did you file for a personal protection order?"

"Oh my God, I forgot to do that!"

"It's okay, but make sure you do it today, just in case. I can send you with your records to show them so your order can be done immediately."

"Now let's take a look at that beautiful face of yours."

Slowly, Mac removed each bandage. "Everything looks good, Karen. Are you ready to get those stitches out? The ones underneath will dissolve on their own. Okay, can you lay back for me?"

Karen nodded, lay down on the table, and looked up at the ceiling. "Will this hurt?"

"You will feel some slight pinching but that's about it. It isn't painful to get stitches out."

Karen closed her eyes and thought about fishing.

After several minutes had passed, Mac threw out the sutures, bandages, and suture removal kit. "Well, Karen, I'm all done with that, you can sit up again."

"Does my face look really bad?"

"You can still see the cuts and they will be red for a while, but that will fade. Dr. Ginea did an excellent job, so you should have minimal scarring, if any at all. Your face looks pretty good." Handing Karen the mirror she said, "See for yourself."

"Wow, I don't look half as bad as I thought I would. This is wonderful!"

"All you have to do is make sure you keep those scars from getting dried out. Just put this ointment on them and lightly rub it into each area. I really don't think you'll scar, Karen. Your wounds are healing very well. Even better than I thought they would."

"I can't believe this! I thought for sure Martin ruined my face forever. But he didn't!"

"Nope, and now that he'll be locked away I don't think Martin will lay another hand on you ever again, sweetie. But you don't have to come back here, Karen, unless you start seeing signs of an infection. If any cuts start getting redder, start draining, you start having pain or a fever, you come back and see me, okay?"

"Mac, I don't know how to thank you for all you've done for me."

"It was my pleasure, you're worth it. You are beautiful Karen, both inside and outside. Don't you ever forget that, okay?"

After giving Mac a long, heart-felt hug, Karen walked out to the lobby and stood there until Connie and Suzy both looked up.

"Oh, Karen, you look so beautiful!"

"Suzy is right, Karen. You are indeed gorgeous. I might be single soon, so hell, will you go out with me?" They busted out laughing and headed for the door.

"He will never put me in a place like this again."

I'm out of your prison, Martin. Now you can enjoy yours.

Heading back to the Jeep, Karen asked Suzy to take her to the court house so she could file a personal protection order.

"You got it, kiddo."

Following the signs, they arrived, but Karen hesitated getting out of the truck.

"What's wrong, Karen?" Connie opened Karen's door for her and stood there.

"I just know Martin is here. It makes me feel sick inside."

"It's okay, doll. He is behind bars."

"But what if the guards are walking him down the hall or something? If he sees me he will get away from them, and he could easily kill me faster than they could stop him."

Taking a deep breath and picking up her medical records, Karen went inside, sandwiched between Connie and Suzy.

The interview didn't take very long and the judge was in the courthouse, so he signed the order. Karen held it in her hand as they walked back to the truck, reading and re-reading the document.

"See, Karen? With that paper he can't touch you," Connie said, hugging Karen.

"I love you, Connie, and don't take any offense to this, but the police and an auditorium full of people didn't stop Martin from smashing in my face, so a paper doesn't stand a chance in hell."

"That's true," chimed in Suzy. "But you have that paper and us."

"Yes, now that is a true statement! I have to call Shelly though, she should be at my house by now."

Karen opened her cell phone and called the officer's number which had been handwritten on the front of her business card.

"Hi, is this Shelly?"

"Yes, is this Karen?"

"Yes, it's me. This is my new phone number. I wanted to ask you if you've been to the house yet and if Martin will get bail?"

"Martin's attorney asked for bail for him but the request was denied this morning after he told the judge, 'don't believe a thing that stupid, clumsy bitch tells you. She falls constantly due to her drinking problem.' When asked if he assumed any responsibility for the injuries to your face, he denied it saying, 'Women stick together. I never touched her.' So the judge asked him if he could keep away from you and not harm you again, and his response was, 'Are you kidding me? She will get a piece of me. She is going to know how much this put me out!' So bail was denied. Martin even hired a very expensive defense attorney. But then he found out he doesn't have any money. So now Martin is using the public defender. He wasn't very happy when he left the court room."

"Oh, thank God. I gave the court my new address and number when I was there, and I'll give it to you if you can write where you are." Shelly wrote as Karen recited her address that she learned by heart after the pizza delivery incident. They all learned it well.

"And as far as your old house is concerned, we will be there in about fifteen minutes. Are you sure there isn't anything else you want or need?"

"No, nothing. I'm never going back there again. We rented that place on a month to month basis so I will call the landlord and take care of that part."

"Okay. I'll call you when I get back up north and I'll stop by your new place to give you your things. I expect to be down here for a while, as we have another police matter to deal with. But it shouldn't take us too long. And if I were you, Karen, I would hire a divorce attorney and file."

"Okay, I will look for one today. Do you know any good ones?"

"As a matter of fact I do. Her name is Elise Maur. She handled my sister's divorce recently. She did a really nice job and won't rob you blind either. Her office is across the street from the court house and three blocks down. The building is quite large, you can't miss it, and it has really big, tinted windows in front."

"Thank you, Shelly. Some day I hope I can repay you."

"You left him. You put the bastard behind bars. So, that in and of itself is all the payment I need, Karen. I'm proud of you."

∞ ∞ ∞ ∞

The law offices looked expensive enough to Karen. Being there made her feel like she should have dressed up. When Karen called her office, the receptionist informed her that the next appointment had cancelled so she could come on in.

"Here it is," said Connie, pointing to the list of offices. "She's on the third floor."

They walked into the lobby of Elise Maur's office and went up to the counter. Karen was asked to sign in and have a seat, and told that Ms. Maur would be with her shortly. When Karen's name was called, she asked if it would be okay if her friends came in with her. Karen, Suzy, and Connie were led into a plush conference room and offered seats at a large oak table.

Introductions were made, and Karen looked at this perfectly dressed woman in a white shirt and navy blue suit. Her shiny brunette hair was pinned up, her skin was flawless. I wonder what she must think of me. Some people still associate battered women with lack of intelligence. I hope she isn't one of them.

"Karen, this is a list of things I will need for you to bring in for me. If you have any medical records to document your abuse, I will need to have those as well."

"Yes, I have them. I am getting the other records in just a few days and I can drop those off." Karen handed Elise her medical file.

She watched as Elise read the medical records and watched her pause a while to study the photographs and to read the evidence of old injuries.

"Karen, let me just begin by telling you that this is the best possible gift you could ever give to yourself. Martin is a serious abuser, and I will work very hard for you, don't you worry about that. There isn't much he can do about this divorce. The records are quite damning. You don't have any children nor do you have any assets, other than half of the construction company."

"I don't care about the construction company. There were accounts that I emptied but I need money to live on, and I have to pay Martin's employees, the bills, the rent, and many other things. No one else should suffer because of Martin."

"That money is clearly justified, and if his attorney is any good he'll see that it is not in Martin's best interest to request anything from those accounts. Karen, you paid for that construction company with years of suffering. You are entitled to it, and you will need money to live on."

Karen agreed to have Martin's construction company in the divorce settlement. "How long will it take before I am actually divorced?"

"Well, in Michigan, if you don't have any children, the law requires sixty days. Sometimes it takes three months, but usually not longer. This divorce should go pretty smoothly. But there isn't anything else I can do until I get the required documents from you. At that time we can file. When you leave, just stop by the receptionist and make an appointment for later in the week and we can get the ball rolling."

"Okay, I'll do that. Thank you, Ms. Maur."

"Please, call me Elise. And don't you worry about this divorce. That's why you've hired me." Smiling and patting Karen's shoulder gently, Elise told them all to take care and turned to leave the conference room.

"I like her, she was really nice."

"I liked her too, Karen. And I bet that even though she looks like a school principle, under that skirt she has some brass gonads."

Laughing at Suzy, they pulled out of the parking lot. Connie's phone began to ring. Not recognizing the number, she answered the phone, knowing it wouldn't be Randy.

"Could I speak with Karen, please?"

"Who is calling?"

"My name is Daniel Patterson. I'm the Prosecuting Attorney handling Karen's case.

Connie handed Karen the phone, and Karen made a weird face.

"Hello, may I help you?"

"Is this Karen Meyers?"

"Yes, it is."

"Karen, my name is Daniel Patterson. I'm the Prosecuting Attorney in your case against Martin."

"Is Martin going to stay in jail?"

"No, he isn't going to stay in jail because we are going to work together and send him to prison. I was wondering when you could come in and talk with me."

"Well, I moved to Houghton. But I'm in town right now if you think you could see me. Or I can come back up at your convenience."

"No, that's okay. Right now would be fine, I'm free."

∞ ∞ ∞ ∞

Heading back to the courthouse, Karen's nerves started to unravel, but she remembered what they all agreed upon. They never had to go through things alone.

Taking the elevator up to the fifth floor, they found Daniel waiting for them at his desk. He was a middle aged man, still slightly tanned from the summer. Salt and pepper hair and a well groomed mustache made him look safe. A picture of his wife and kids sat on his desk. He was wearing a light blue shirt, unbuttoned at the neck, sleeves rolled up, and his jacket was draped over the back of the chair. Daniel stood and introduced himself with soft handshakes.

"Karen, I know how difficult this is to relive your past. But keep in mind that you have to climb a big mountain to get to the other side. Once that is conquered, you never have to climb it again and go to the darker side. So if you would, start from the beginning. Tell me about when you met Martin and continue on until the here and now. We can stop when you need to take some time, and always know that I'm on your side. I'm fighting for you."

Karen took a deep breath, handed him her medical file, and began to speak. She didn't want to relive her life with Martin. But she knew that in order to start a new life, she would have to make sure Martin stayed in prison. Connie and Suzy, who each sat beside of her, reached out and held Karen's hands.

"I met Martin while I was in college finishing up my business degree and getting my cosmetology license. He was taking building courses for a construction company he wanted to eventually make. He was standing next to me in the cafeteria when I dropped my books while trying to carry my tray. He bent to pick them up, introduced himself and then asked me if he could take me out to buy me a 'real' dinner. He seemed nice enough, so we walked across the street to this little Italian restaurant. We stayed there for three hours, talking. I was living in a dorm with two other girls, but Martin had his own apartment. After a few months, I thought I'd finally found the perfect man. My mother even fell in love with Martin. Six months later, we were married. Things were wonderful then. Six months after that..."

Connie and Suzy silently wept while Karen disclosed all the gory details in the hell she was forced to live in. Karen stayed strong, but talked as if she was a robot, revealing horrid details that were never even uttered to Connie or Suzy. She spoke without emotion; no embarrassment, no shame, no anger, not even one painful facial expression was displayed. After an hour and a half of just Karen talking, Daniel cleared his throat and firmly believed, even after all he was told, that he didn't know the half of this woman's torture.

"This is what I love about my job, Karen. I get to help keep these abusers behind bars. This will easily be an open and shut case. We have excellent medical evidence and we have an enormous amount of witnesses, four of them being police officers. We have pretty much all we need. I'm going to get some paperwork going, and then I'm going to bring every possible charge I can against Martin, and I will refuse to take any pleas. I will need those personal documents you are obtaining from your home. Can I call you when I get done? That way I can let you know all the charges and how much time Martin is looking at serving."

"Yes, that would be great," said Connie as Karen just turned and walked out the door with Suzy right behind her.

Karen laid her head back in the seat and closed her eyes. They rode the fifty mile car ride home in silence. She walked directly up to the staircase when they got home. Suzy and Connie stopped in the living room once they realized that Karen wasn't following them.

"Good night, guys, I'm pretty exhausted," Karen said while she walked very slowly up the steps, as if she were dragging fifty pound weights on her legs.

"Good night, honey. If you need us for anything just holler, okay?" Connie said, with a worried look on her face.

"I will."

Karen fell asleep almost instantly, and then she began having nightmares just as quickly.

Karen sat on the witness stand recounting the past seven years she lived with Martin. He glared at her from the table as he sat with a smug look on his face. He mouthed the words to her, 'You can't win.' Suddenly, Martin sprung from the table, waved his hand in the air, and everyone in the courtroom besides himself and Karen were frozen. He picked up the water glass, jumped over the table, and ran towards her.

Karen woke up screaming. Fast footsteps came from the stairs and from across the hall, scaring Karen even more.

Suzy reached Karen's room first. Opening the door, she saw her curled up in the corner on the floor, in utter terror.

"It's me, honey, it's me," Suzy whispered quietly as she sat on the floor next to Karen and wrapped her arms around her.

Connie sat down in front of Karen, softly stroking her hair. Then she got up and went back down to her room and got her pillow and blanket, then stopped by Suzy's room and got hers.

"You aren't alone, sweetie, we're here and we aren't going any place. Together we are much stronger than Martin. He can't hurt you anymore, Karen, he's behind bars," Connie said as she got Karen's pillow and blanket off the twin bed and then spread them all out on the floor. She guided Karen to lie down between them, and slowly, Karen fell back asleep without any signs of turmoil, but also without speaking.

15

Shelly called Karen later that morning to let her know that the pool cue did indeed show proof through forensic testing, that Martin used it to rape and sodomize her. There was also visible blood on the handle. Shelly told her that the cue stick and the lab tests from forensics were taken to Daniel. She also let Karen know she would be stopping by this evening to drop off the documents, the money, and jewelry from the house that Karen wanted, and would need her to sign a receipt.

Later that day, Daniel also called Karen to inform her of all the charges being pressed against Martin, all of them serious felonies, and through Martin's attorney he learned that Martin was pleading not guilty. So, the case would indeed be going to trial. If convicted, Martin would face life in prison.

But Karen didn't comprehend any of it other than, I have to go to trial and face Martin. When Shelly stopped by later that night, Suzy was the one who got the jewelry, documents, and other things from her. Karen wouldn't come downstairs when called.

Connie and Suzy watched Karen in the days ahead and found that she was speaking less, not really eating, lying in bed too much, and not taking care of her hygiene. They both agreed that Karen needed to seek some help before her depression spiraled.

Looking in the yellow pages, they came across a therapist named Lynn Seaver, located right in town, who specialized in treating battered women. They called her and made an appointment for Karen. Lynn Seaver agreed to treat her as an emergency and requested to see her as soon as possible.

"She might not go," said Suzy.

"I love her enough to carry her there if I have to. She's going to go one way or the other."

After a long time of debating, Karen agreed to go and at least meet Lynn. Karen wouldn't eat, shower, or even brush her hair before she left. She was wearing the same clothes that she had been wearing for days.

Lynn's reception area was decorated very warmly, and Lynn herself was in jeans. She hardly had any makeup on and her hair was in a ponytail, but she was very pretty. Karen followed Lynn back to her office after Connie and Suzy helped her to stand up by gently pulling her by her hands.

"Karen, I'd like to help you. Will you talk to me?"

Karen didn't speak nor look at Lynn. She stared down at the Kleenex she was twirling around in her hands.

"Karen, I really would like to help you."

Karen wouldn't respond.

"Alright, Karen, I'm going to share some things with you."

Lynn stood up and lifted her shirt above her stomach. So many scars Karen saw when she moved her eyes to Lynn's abdomen.

"These are from stab wounds. My husband had stabbed me thirteen times, leaving me for dead. Eleven years of abuse, multiple rapes, broken bones, you name it, until I was able to finally get out and put him behind bars for the rest of his life. I had to sit through the trial, face him, all of it. I'm not here to judge you. I'm just here to help you. That is all. I then became a therapist to help other women. I went through the entire thing alone, and I didn't want any other woman to have to go through what I did. I really do hope you will let me help you."

With dry eyes, Karen looked into Lynn's and in a monotone said, "No one can help me."

"Would you let me try? The worse that can happen, Karen, is that you'll end up with one more friend."

Karen thought about Connie, Suzy, and all the other sisters in that auditorium, and tears finally began to flow. Lynn sat beside Karen and held her hand.

"Just let it all out, Karen. I'm here."

After twenty minutes of crying and rocking, all Karen could do was look at Lynn and nod her head 'yes.' Lynn enveloped her in her arms.

"You don't have to go over anything today. But I am very worried about you. You don't have to be a victim anymore. And you can actually come out stronger than ever. I do know that you have two friends out there who care about you and who love you very much. There is hope through this difficult time. And I know it all seems impossible for you to get through, Karen. Going through it with people who love and care about you will make things that seem impossible, very possible. You are going to have to face him during the trial, but just remember that when you leave from there, he will go to prison. It is you who will finally be free. It's a lot of work, but you're way worth it. You think about things you want to do with your future, because you are being given a gateway to it. What were some of the things you always wanted to do?"

"I wanted to be a cosmetologist and some day have my own salon."

"I wish I could do something like that, that's really great!"

"I already am a cosmetologist, but Martin wouldn't ever let me work. My mother kept my license up for me and had it mailed to her home address."

"But now you can. You really can do anything you want to do."

"I don't want to see Martin in court."

"Close your eyes for me, Karen."

Karen closed her eyes.

"What do you see?"

"I don't see anything."

"Exactly, now look at the ceiling. What do you see?"

"Just the ceiling..."

"So when you are in court, close your eyes or look at the ceiling and the jury. You don't have to look at Martin, except for one time when you identify him as the person who hurt you. And when you do look at him, just think 'I won.' Look at him and smile; that's the best revenge. Let him know that you aren't crumbling and you aren't his victim anymore."

"That's a good way to look at it. But I'm scared."

"Martin can't hurt you. He will try to get to you emotionally, but he won't be able to walk without shackles, and he'll be surrounded by cops. I know it doesn't help because he's a scary person. But all abusers are. You won't be alone. Love is stronger than all of that combined, and you will go in there with an army that he isn't capable of fighting against."

"Thank you."

"You're more than welcome, Karen, but you have to remember something else for me. It's common for battered women to live in a depression, most do. But not getting out of bed or eating or taking a shower, those kinds of things are not only symptoms of depression, but they also feed your depression and make it bigger. You might have to force yourself to get back into a routine, but eventually as the depression lifts, the basic things you do every day won't be hard work for you to accomplish. Will you come back and see me tomorrow?"

"Yes."

"Good. Now will you do me a favor?"

"If I can..."

"Will you go get something good to eat for me?"

"I'll try, but I'm not hungry."

"It's a symptom of depression, Karen. So you have to fight the symptoms."

"Okay, I will try to eat."

Lynn got up and went to her desk and opened her schedule book. "I have an opening at ten in the morning, can you make it?"

"Yes, I will come in."

"Perfect. I will see you then." Lynn gave Karen a hug and then opened the door for her.

Suzy and Connie sat in the lobby, and when Karen came out they both looked at her with very worried faces. I'm not alone, they are my family.

"Hi, guys. Do you think we could go out and grab a bite to eat?"

Smiling, they got up and hugged Karen, then headed out the door, each holding one of her hands.

At the small café that overlooked the water, Karen ordered a bowl of chicken noodle soup and a ham sandwich, which she finished off except for just a few bites.

"Guys, I'm really sorry for the way I've been acting."

Suzy, sitting next to her, pushed Karen's hair from her face and said, "Honey, we're here for you through thick and thin. This is just a thick part, and we'll get through it together."

Connie made a muscle and flexed it for Karen. "If he even thought about harming you, I'd beat his ass."

Karen and Suzy laughed. It was so wonderful to hear laughter again.

"We have to go back to the house; Shelly is stopping by with the documents I need to give to Elise and Daniel, and I'm in need of a long, hot shower."

"I already have most of the things, babes. Don't you worry," said Suzy, digging her keys out of her purse.

"Where did time go?" Karen's eyes began to water.

"Don't worry about anything, kiddo. We're here. And when you get to be our age, this will happen to you daily!" Finally, Karen let out a small chuckle and rolled her eyes.

∞ ∞ ∞ ∞

Shelly stopped by again the next day to drop off some receipts for Karen to sign. It felt good to Karen to see Shelly again. But she felt kind of embarrassed knowing that she had seen the condition of her apartment, her prison cell, her future coffin, all of the holes in the walls, broken furniture, just all of it.

"Here's your copy of the receipt, Karen, and if I wouldn't go to prison myself, I would gladly kill him for you. I took photos of the whole apartment, even the inside of the refrigerator and cupboards. I didn't leave one stone unturned. Here's the cash from Martin's top drawer. I had to give you the money with a signed receipt. Would you sign these other copies for me?"

"Thank you, Shelly. Will you be at court?" asked Karen as she signed on the lines.

"Yes, I will be on the stand also, as I'm directly involved in your case."

"Answer me honestly. Can he hurt me in there?"

"There is absolutely no way he can harm you in there. He will have two police officers near him, and he will arrive in shackles. You have nothing to fear from him ever again. And if he yells anything at you, he will be removed from the courtroom and taken back to his cell. You won't even be in the hallway with him. There won't be any contact like that with him ever again."

"When is the trial?"

"A date hasn't been set yet. He still has a few court appearances before that happens. But Daniel will keep you informed so you can get yourself prepared for it."

"Do I have to go to those?"

"No, you just have to go to the trial itself."

"Will the trial last a long time?"

"No it won't, Karen. There is so much evidence; I don't even expect the jury to be out a full day on this one."

Karen sat in deep thought. Shelly held both of her hands. "Karen, you aren't alone. You just have to be strong during the trial, and then it's all over with. Putting him behind bars will give you power."

"Will he ever know where I live?"

"It's a possibility, but keep in mind you have a restraining order. He can't even send you letters from prison since all mail goes through the guards. And if he gets caught trying to contact you, they will add more to his sentence."

"But what if he gets out in a few years on good behavior?"

"I highly doubt he will be offered parole. His crimes are big felonies. The prosecutor that we have is amazing. He will go after Martin with everything he's got."

After Shelly left, Karen called her mother. "How are you feeling, Mom? Are you okay?"

"I'm doing fine, baby, I was getting worried about you."

"I'm doing okay. I just wanted to let you know so you could stop worrying. I did press charges against Martin, and he's in jail right now waiting for trial. I have these two great friends who are really helping me. I live with them in this pretty little house, and they are going through all the steps with me. And I'm seeing a therapist."

"I'm so glad you are doing that, love. I'm so proud of you. And yes I'm doing okay. It seems the chemo has worked and they aren't seeing any cancer!"

"Oh thank God, Mom."

"I want to be there for the trial."

"No!"

"...Karen, why don't you want me there to support you? I'm your mother."

"Because I know it would hurt you deeply to know all the things that Martin has done to me. But after the trial when he gets sent to prison, I want you to move out here with me. It's so beautiful."

"This house is getting way too big for me to take care of. I would love to move out there to be near you. I miss you so much."

"I miss you too, Mom, and don't worry about me, seriously. I'm doing well, and I'm going to be stronger than Martin. He can't hurt me anymore."

"That's good news, sweetie, because if I ever see him on the streets, I'll blow his damn brains out."

Karen, Connie, and Suzy drove to Elise's office and dropped off copies of paperwork for Karen's divorce, then dropped copies off at Daniel's office. They had a very pleasant drive through the beautiful Upper Peninsula, stopping once in a while when they saw a waterfall to take pictures of each other. Their photo album was quickly filling up. The biggest obstacle had been finding parking at the airport.

The plane ride was quiet, as they knew Suzy needed her time to think. The girls occasionally reached over to rub Suzy's arm or hug her.

Finally, when she came out of her own world of turmoil, Suzy asked, "How do I do this? It has just now occurred to me that I don't know how to do this. And I still have to phone Brenda and tell her. I don't know how to do any of this!" Tears came.

"I have to deal with stuff too, Suzy. It will be easier because I know you and Karen are there for me. I have to call Sandy as well, but I know I'll get through it and so will you. Just remember, Blake didn't cheat on you. He cheated on us too. Martin didn't just abuse Karen. He abused us too."

Suzy took a hold of Connie's hand. "And Randy didn't treat you like an outdated piece of furniture and a pile of old, unwanted clothes. He treated us like that also."

16

They landed in Traverse City, rented a large U-Haul, and headed north to Suttons.

Suzy drove slower the closer she got to her house. Pulling over, she put her hands over her face and sobbed. Loud, gulping sobs. After fifteen minutes, she wiped off her face with her sleeve and said, "I can do this."

"No," said Connie.

"No. WE can do this!" Karen lifted up her water bottle and exclaimed, "HERE'S TO CLIMBING THE MOUNTAIN!"

"HERE, HERE!" everyone chimed.

"Okay, guys, I'm ready. Let's do it!"

Pulling into the driveway, Suzy noticed a car she'd never seen before.

"Do you want to come back later, babes?"

"Oh, hell no! Let's go."

Using her key, Suzy opened the door to find another woman cooking on her stove. Blake wasn't home.

"Excuse me?"

"Who might you be?" asked Connie.

"Lola, I'm Blake's girlfriend."

"Really?" began Karen. "I thought maybe you were Carol, the one he was with a couple of weeks ago..."

"...What?!" Lola looked livid.

Connie saw Suzy's lip trembling.

"Well," instructed Connie, "just go off into the bedroom or something since you know that place well, and keep your stupid, sleazy mouth shut and we won't have a problem."

"Who in the HELL\--?"

"Not a word, understand? Because I kind of had a bad day, and I'd be more than happy to show you how bad it was. GET YOUR ASS IN THE BEDROOM!" Karen yelled as she walked towards her.

Lola ran to the bedroom in her tight jeans. She was wearing too much jewelry, including a diamond ring on her finger. She couldn't have been any older than twenty-five. Lola slammed the door shut without looking back.

Karen took the phone off the hook in the living room to prevent Lola from calling Blake in the bedroom.

Suzy quickly removed all photographs of Brenda. She took antiques given to her by her mother. She took papers from the study, china, and silver. She saw her coffee mug in the sink that the bitch drank out of. She lifted it and smashed it on the floor. Suzy charged the bedroom door. Karen and Connie had to grab her so tightly that the embrace actually lifted Suzy off the ground. She took some deep breaths and went to the bathroom to remove her things from the cupboards, and to vomit.

Finishing up all the other rooms, they carried stuff to the U-Haul at the same time because they didn't trust Suzy to be in the house alone with Tramp Woman. They returned to the living room for the last load, only to be confronted by Lola, red faced and glaring at Suzy.

"Why are you acting like an infant? Blake left you a long time ago!"

"Oh, really, cookie?" Suzy crossed her arms. With lasers in her eyes, she stared Lola up and down. "Blake never told me about you. When I called the house and some other woman answered it? That was the first I knew that he was having an affair. I guess you liked Blake sleeping with me and you at the same time. Oh, and add Carol to that and whoever else he's been seeing."

"WHAT?!"

"Did you really think that a man who cheats wouldn't cheat on the woman he was having an affair with? Are you that stupid?"

"Wait a minute. Blake told me he left you around Christmas time. I live downstate and we usually meet halfway. This is the first time I've been to his home."

"Nice. I'm glad to know how long you've been sleeping with my husband while he lived here with me and slept in my bed."

"Oh. My. God. But I've been seeing him for four years! I would have known!"

"But he's yours now. You both sicken me; him because he's a low life, and you because you willingly slept with a married man who has a daughter."

"Wait a minute. He doesn't have any kids! He said he wanted them with me! We are engaged to be married!"

"Who do you think all these pictures are of?"

"That's his niece!"

"That's Brenda, his daughter. Our daughter!"

"I'm going to be sick," Lola ran to the bathroom. Gagging was heard all the way in the living room.

"Suzy, do you need anything out of the bedroom while the sleaze bag is puking?" asked Karen.

"I just want the photos of Brenda."

"Okay," said Connie, "I will go in and remove them for you."

As Connie, Suzy, and Karen left the house, they heard the door opening, and Lola was coming out.

"Are you late for your date or something? You seem a tad in a hurry," Karen asked smugly.

"He can go die for all I care, that lying bastard!"

"You shouldn't be calling the kettle black, cookie." Suzy smiled at her. "You clearly got what you deserved. You are both pitiful losers. Have a nice day!"

Pulling out of the driveway, Suzy said to Connie, "Okay, doll, next stop is you. Let's do it."

∞ ∞ ∞ ∞

Randy wasn't home when she got there. She let herself in the house. Suzy and Karen walked closely behind her. The kitchen was totally trashed with Chinese take-out containers, pizza boxes, and chip bags. The garbage was even overflowing. Nothing had been dusted or cleaned. There were spots on the floor where Randy had spilled stuff and just left it. The refrigerator was bare, cupboards left wide open.

"Get the pictures. Suzy, you know the stuff that I got from my family, clean it all out. I don't want any clothes. Take paperwork also, and my phone book; I don't know Sandy's numbers by heart. Do this quickly. I can't be in here for long, I can feel Randy infecting my soul. Obviously, all I was to him was his damn maid and cook!" Connie let out huge sobs and began banging her fists on the couch cushions.

"Let's have at it, babes!" said Suzy, and she took off to get pictures, the afghan that Connie's mother made for her, and Norman Rockwell figurines that were gifts from Suzy, her mother, and Sandy. Tears slid down Connie's cheeks as she swallowed the bitter sweet taste of her past twenty years. The photo album on the coffee table called to her like the worst craving she's ever had, beckoning for her to look inside for evidence that she was someone important, rather than some lie that only she believed. The wedding photos of a dance with a man who made a precious daughter with her, a man who shed a tear of happiness when he saw her walking down the isle. He was smiling back at her.

"I have to call him."

"Is that what you want to do?" Suzy already knew she would have to make that call, because no one had a bigger heart than her best friend.

"Yes."

Picking up the phone, she dialed the bank. Estelle answered.

"Estelle, it's Connie. Is Randy around?"

"Connie, Randy told me everything. He had a pretty severe breakdown here at the bank and I had to take him to the hospital. He was admitted to the mental health unit. I've never seen Randy like this; he's in pretty rough shape, and I just believe in my heart that if you don't go see him, he won't make it."

"Oh, God..."

"Go to him, Connie. He loves you."

"I can't believe this!" Connie said to Suzy and Karen when she hung up the phone. She bent over to hold her stomach.

"What's up, sis?" asked Suzy.

"Randy's had a breakdown, he's in the hospital. He broke down at work."

"Wow," Is all Suzy could say.

"What do you want to do, Connie? We're here to support you in whatever you decide to do."

"I have to go see him."

"Okay," began Suzy as she got up. "To the hospital we go, love."

∞ ∞ ∞ ∞

Connie walked on to the mental health unit by herself. She stood there staring at a much older looking, bearded, swollen-eyed Randy.

"Hi, Connie, if you are here to give me divorce papers which I don't blame you for at all, especially for the way I've treated you all these years, I just ask you to wait until I'm stronger. Seems I'm just--" Randy began to bawl.

Breaking down herself, Connie ran to him and sobbed on his shoulder. The staff led them from the front desk to a private room.

"Do you have divorce papers, Connie?"

"No."

"But you've left me for good?"

"I hope not. But Randy, things have to change if we are to make it. You've really hurt me and made me feel like nothing inside. I can never live like that again."

"I've been getting lots of help in here. I'm seeing some of the things I need to change, but I still need a lot of work to see them all."

"Randy, would you be willing to go to counseling with me?"

"I would love to. I'll do anything to not only get you back but to keep you. I've never felt so alone and so much pain in all my life."

"I lived like that for years, Randy."

"I know you did, and from the bottom of my heart I am sorry for that."

"Then our anniversary. Look at what you did!"

"I was an arrogant ass. There is no excuse for what I did."

"I met some friends, Randy. And I have to help them with some things. In time we'll see if I come home or not. I'm leaving town right now, but you can call me whenever you'd like. Take care of you right now. I have to take care of me. Then we can talk to see if there will ever be an us."

"Okay. Thank you for coming to see me. Let me give something to you. I was going to just send it to the house in case you decided to come home. I hope you read it."

Connie watched Randy walk down the hall. He had hardly any expression in his voice when he spoke to her. She never thought she'd ever see this man, broken.

Randy reached out, hand shaking, and handed the envelope to Connie.

"I'm sorry it's so long, but I had so much to say." Randy was struggling to hold back tears.

"Don't be sorry for that. And I promise I'll read it."

"You take care of yourself, Connie, and just remember that I love you with all of my heart."

"Thank you, Randy. Everything you've said means a lot to me. I'm going to go now, we're out of time. We showed up at the tail end of visitation."

"Can I hug you?"

"Of course you can."

Randy wrapped his arms around Connie and held her close. His arms felt so weak, his body, frail. She noticed that he'd lost a lot of weight. But she held him closely and kissed him on the cheek.

"I love you, Connie. I really, really love you. And your hair, your clothes, you look absolutely breathtaking."

Connie turned and walked to the door as the staff hit the buzzard to let her out. Randy was looking at the ground, his eyes finally spilling over with tears.

Connie looked over her shoulder and said, "Randy?"

"Yes?"

"I love you too." Then Connie walked out the door as she felt Randy's smile.

"He agreed to go to counseling with me, but not until he works on himself and I work on myself. Then we'll see what happens."

Suzy hugged her, "Sweetheart, I'm so happy for you. I really do hope your marriage works out. Do you want to stay here?"

"No way, my darlin's! We have a trial to take care of and a mess of other stuff. But first we need to check in the county for a good divorce attorney for you, Suzy, and put that piece of garbage behind you so you can get the beautiful life that you deserve."

Suzy held both of Connie's hands and looked into her eyes. She hadn't seen this much hope and life in her friend's eyes in many, many years.

"Okay, let's get down to business!" Karen said as she picked up a used paper coffee cup. Connie picked up an empty Doritos bag, and Suzy grabbed a straw, all off the table beside them in the waiting room. "HERE'S TO TAKING OUT THE TRASH!"

"HERE, HERE!!" Everyone chimed and laughed. The laughter was very welcomed and felt good as they prepared to throw away the infected chapters in all of their lives.

∞ ∞ ∞ ∞

Suzy picked the first name in the yellow pages that was sitting on a table by the wall phone in the lobby. It was a male attorney, but she didn't care at this point. She brought her papers with her, spoke with him, gave him money with his promises to 'get things progressing quickly,' got in the U-Haul, and off they went for their long trek back home. Suzy was happy that Karen didn't have to file all the way down in Ann Arbor. It took a year for Suzy to plan her marriage to Blake, and forty-five minutes to plan a divorce.

For the first three hours they found themselves singing everything from Motown and Funk, to Country. When they didn't know the words they made them up. Sometimes they laughed so hard they weren't even able to sing anything.

If life could be as simple as a song, where you make up your own words, thought Karen.

Crossing the Mackinaw Bridge to get a room for the night, Karen said, "This Bridge represents my freedom from Martin. I threw my wedding ring out there in the water." Karen remembered the terror she felt while trying to cross that line.

Suzy pretended to take off her wedding ring that was long gone in a sewer, then made a throwing motion out of the window towards the water. "Yep, it's a great place to represent freedom."

Connie and Karen just kind of looked at her.

"Don't look so glum, it was too tight anyway!"

"Martin and Blake, I now pronounce you, Monster and Freak," Karen said while she made a formal gesture with her hand. The laughter carried for miles.

They took tons of pictures when they reached the end of the bridge that day, and would forever remember the welcomed healing shores on the other side, their side.

∞ ∞ ∞ ∞

They arrived home late in the evening and unloaded the U-Haul. Suzy was really happy that the house had a basement. They enjoyed a cup of chamomile tea and then went to bed. Connie closed her eyes and hoped that Suzy and Karen wouldn't have nightmares.

But Connie couldn't sleep. She had put off reading Randy's letter long enough. She went to her purse and pulled the letter out, climbed back into bed, and opened the envelope.

My Dearest Connie,

I know you are gone from me. I treated you so horribly all these years. I am less than a man, especially not one that deserves you. I fell very short as a husband, and I treated you like you meant nothing in my heart. You tried many times to tell me how you felt, and I either ignored you or made dumb comments, or just shut you up. I never allowed you to have a voice. I treated the people at the bank and my golf buddies better than I ever treated you. I left you alone even when I was home with you. You cooked, you cleaned, you took care of me, but I never did the same for you. Never once did I take care of the person most important in my life.

When it sunk in that you'd had enough and left me, I felt lost. It hit me like a ton of bricks that I lost the most wonderful woman and mother in the world. I didn't want to live without you. I broke down at work in front of customers. These newlyweds came in to get a loan for a house. They were so in love, holding hands and flirting. I couldn't take it. I've had twenty years to treat you like that but I didn't. I was a selfish ass who took you completely for granted. To be honest, I'm surprised you didn't leave me sooner with the way I treated you. Or should I say, didn't treat you?

That's all I ever wanted was to make you my wife. Remember? I was so good to you back then. But I stopped. It had nothing to do with you. You are a beautiful woman. I even treated you badly about that. Always making you buy clothes that weren't very appealing, not letting you shop or get your hair done. I even put money in front of you. What was I thinking? All I know is that the best thing that ever came into my life has gone away. I have no one to blame, but Randy.

I would love leaving for work, and you'd be sitting on the stool while the sun was coming up. And it would make your face kind of glow. You would look so beautiful, and I never even told you that. I never told you that I loved sleeping in our bed because you smelled so good. After you left I couldn't sleep in our bed anymore without bawling like a baby.

If you ever do come home, we are going shopping together, and not from the sales rack. I got rid of all your old clothes that I knew you hated. We'll buy you new things to wear. And if you don't want to shop with me, you can take the money to go get beautiful things. We have money, and we have more than enough to spoil you some. It's our money.

I blew it, Connie. I know I did. I won't beg you for another chance because I don't deserve anything from you. This letter isn't about asking you for forgiveness and for you to come running home. It's about me admitting the things that I did wrong to you, my neglect. It was flat out neglect. It's time this person becomes a man. I love you more than life. If we never speak again, just know that you are very beautiful to me. You attract me like no other woman could. Thank you so much for the twenty years you gave to me.

I'm so sorry for acting the way I did on our anniversary. Honey, you are worth celebrating every day. When I get out of the hospital, I'm taking three months off of work to get things right. I would love to go away with you, but if you don't want that then I'd really love to send you or you and your friends some place really special. I was thinking France. I know you've always wanted to go, but like a creep I couldn't be bothered. I can't tell you that I've changed, because that would be a discredit to you. You should be shown love, plain and simple. But I blew my chance, and I know I have.

If you do read this, I thank you for taking the time, especially when I gave you none of mine. I really don't deserve you. You are my heart, you are my soul, and I'm so incredibly sorry.

You will have all my love, forever and always,

Randy

Connie let slow tears slip from her eyes. This was a man that just sailed back in time twenty years and became the guy she fell in love with. She finally fell asleep and dreamt of all the loving dances she'd had with Randy, something they hadn't done since the beginning of those twenty years.

17

On the morning of the trial, Connie looked out of the window in the kitchen and couldn't help but notice what a beautiful, clear day it was, even with all the snow on the ground. It was a beautiful day that gave her a sense of hope for living a loving life with Randy, and a perfect day to give Karen the closure and justice she so deserved. She hadn't had that peaceful of a night's sleep since Sandy began sleeping the whole night through. Her peaceful thoughts were abruptly interrupted by the sounds of Karen dry heaving in the bathroom.

Suzy knocked on the bathroom door, "Babes, you don't have to worry. He can't hurt you, and we'll be right there with you every step of the way."

"I can't see him, Suz."

"Karen, this is the really sucky part. We all know that, but it's something that has to be done. It's going to hurt, but then it's going to feel really good knowing that because of you, Martin will never be able to hurt anyone ever again, especially you."

Connie walked to the door with a cold, wet washcloth and went in. She sat next to Karen on the bathroom floor and held the cloth on her forehead. Suzy left to make some tea and get Karen some crackers.

"I can't."

"No you can't. We can."

Connie sat on the floor with Karen while she sipped her tea and nibbled on some crackers. Suzy sat on the side of the tub and ran her fingers through Karen's hair.

"Hun, do you remember when you went after my husband's sleaze bag?"

Karen let out a small chuckle, "Yeah I did do that, didn't I? I would have beaten her ass."

"I know. We can't beat Martin's ass. The judge would frown upon us until he got to know Martin, then he'd pay us. But that's beside the point. When you go in that court room, just know that you're going in there to save your life. Now, I know that I don't have to sit here and explain to you how important you are, right?"

"Is this because you want to marry me, Suzy? It's my grilled cheese, isn't it?"

"Well, yes, that and your tackle box."

"Just don't let go of me when I walk in there, okay?"

"We will walk in together. We will keep a wall of strength around you, doll. Don't you ever worry about that."

Hand in hand, Connie, Suzy, and Karen walked into the courtroom. Karen had purchased a pretty blue suit, and she held her head up high as she entered. They couldn't help but look at Martin's attorney with disgust. Connie and Suzy squeezed Karen's hands before she went up to the front table to sit next to Daniel.

"You doing okay?" Daniel patted Karen softly on her back.

"I think so. Will Martin be in here?" Karen was shaking like a leaf.

"Yes. He will be arriving shortly. But he can't hurt you, I promise."

"Okay." Karen wanted so badly to believe him, but she remained petrified. Her knees trembled underneath her skirt.

Being stabbed with knives and daggers without them ever touching my skin...

Martin laughed out loud at every charge. The charges were just formal words that played as background noise in her head. Her mind had to float some place else when everything that Martin had done to her was read in front of all those people, with not one horrible, vivid detail left out. She could feel everyone looking at her, including the jury.

Just close your eyes and you won't see anything.

But Karen didn't close her eyes. She held her chin high and kept Connie and Suzy as close to her as she could with her mind.

Everything I've had to endure for six and a half years is being spilled for the world to see. You shut me up, and now everyone in this courtroom has given me an even louder voice.

And here we are. Today is your Judgment Day, Martin. I never thought I would live to see the day where YOU are going to have to wear my shoes for the rest of your life. I have all the money now, you have none. I can go any place I please, and you can enjoy your cell. I can eat whatever I want and I'll never go hungry again. I will never again wear makeup unless it's to look pretty. I'm out of my prison now; you enjoy yours. And best of all? I hope whatever Bubba has, Martin, it's bigger than a pool cue.

Several people took the stand as witnesses on Karen's behalf, including police officers, Mac, women from the seminar that witnessed the attack, Connie and Suzy, and also Linda Hopstat and many others. What people didn't know is that Linda recorded the seminar for future use, so women who were unable to make it to her presentation could listen to the wonderful words that she said. Everything that Martin said was recorded that day too.

Karen cried many times, mostly just grieving for herself. Martin stared at her frequently. She turned to him one time and smiled. He mouthed 'bitch' at her, earning him a tough nudge from the guards.

Martin had only one witness. It was a so called professional who discussed how Karen's injuries came from her alcoholism, her falling and running into things, and how she blamed it all on Martin. How Martin had been a loving husband, never even raised his voice to her, and asked her not to leave the apartment so she wouldn't stagger into traffic. If no one knew Karen or Martin that testimony could have been believable; however, the courtroom had already heard Mac's medical statements, the officer's testimonies, and all the other witnesses. And best of all was the one way ticket to hell that Martin purchased when he harmed her in front of all her sisters.

When Karen rose to take the stand, she'd had enough of him. She looked right into Martin's face and said, "That is Martin," then proceeded to point at him for longer than necessary. She recounted the events in their so called marriage, explaining why she didn't leave Martin, and how he pulled phones out of the wall or just broke them. Karen looked right at the jury so she could avoid looking at Martin, not from fear, but from disgust. Her sisters in this courtroom gave her the strength to move mountains.

The prosecution and defense rested after not quite the full second day, as Martin's attorney realized that too many cross examinations were just digging more holes for his client. Karen went out of the courtroom with Connie, Suzy, Shelly, Mac, Linda, and others from the seminar. She felt surrounded by armor and protected. These women love me, so I will be more than just okay.

Daniel came out and told Karen that a verdict had been reached after forty-five minutes of deliberation. Karen and the women went into the courtroom together.

After the jury was seated, Martin was asked to stand. He was found guilty on all counts and sentenced to life without the possibility of parole. The judge told Martin he was a disgrace and wasn't fit to be out in society. The courtroom stood and erupted into applause. Martin flipped everyone off. He was escorted from the courtroom to live out the remainder of his life in Marquette Prison. Even though the prison was located in Michigan, it was still many miles away from Karen.

∞ ∞ ∞ ∞

The party was back at the house and many people showed up. I can't believe I made it through all this. They were right all along. I didn't have to go through anything alone. They were there. They carried me when all I could do was crawl. No more knives and daggers, Martin.

Karen reached over and picked up her glass, "WE WON!!" She never saw so many people toast at once. If she ever floated in her entire life, it was at this moment.

Karen picked up her phone and called her mom. "We won, Mom. Martin received life without the possibility of parole."

"WOOO HOOO!!!"

"Will you come here and live with me?"

"Sweetheart, consider it done. My cancer is gone, now your cancer is gone. We have lots to celebrate and I really, really miss you!"

Yeah. Martin certainly was a cancer. Just like the worst kind.

Karen's divorce went through a week later. Martin didn't even begin to contest it. She called the landlord and made things right with her. She was an older woman who had always been kind to Karen. So she mailed her a nice check to repair all the damages, clean it out, and get new renters. In the divorce Karen was awarded the construction company, as well as all other assets. He was sent paperwork to remove his name from everything. She sold the construction company to one of the guys who worked for Martin, which included all of Martin's tools and heavy machinery. Karen gave his car away to a women's shelter.

18

Connie remembered to give Karen the credit card stuff from her purse. She took one last look around the house, took lots of pictures with Karen and Suzy, got in the cab, and left for the airport. Connie promised to come visit them soon. Before she left, Suzy took her by her hands.

"Babes, are you sure this is what you want to do?"

"Suzy, I have to go. It's time, and if it doesn't work, I know I have a home to come back to where there is lots of love."

"Connie, I hope everything goes really well for you. You know you're my heart." Suzy wrapped her arms around her best friend who she has never been apart from.

"Connie, I don't know how to thank you. I can say the words, but for everything that you have done, for all the love, the acceptance and strength that you have given me, I just don't know..." Karen cried on Connie's shoulder.

"Listen, kiddo. You did as much for me and any time you ever need me, I'm just a phone call away, you got that?"

She made her departure faster than what she wanted, but it was just too painful for everyone to say extended goodbyes. Leaving Suzy was like cutting off her right arm. She didn't know what she was going to do when she got home.

Connie stood outside in the long driveway. She insisted that the cab driver stop halfway up to the house so she would be hidden by the pine trees. She retrieved her cell phone from her purse and phoned Suzy.

"Connie is everything, okay?"

"So far it is. I'm not in the house yet but I wanted to let you know that I made it here in one piece."

"Are you scared, babes?"

"Suzy, what if everything he told me was just a lie to get me here and continue being his maid?"

"Hun, I don't think Randy would have written that letter to you if he wasn't serious."

"Do you think that's the way it's supposed to go after you have a kid? It seems like everything was fine for both of us until the kids were born."

"Do you remember when Linda was telling us about happiness, that it's our responsibility, and how we end up giving that job to the men because in the beginning they do such a good job at it? Then when they fail, which eventually they all do, we crumble."

"Yeah, I remember. Both Blake and Randy made us so happy when we were young and before we had children."

"I don't think it was the kids, Connie. I think it became easy for them to put us in that 'nothing' role. And when we noticed it we didn't know what to do."

"What if he does it again to me? I can't bare going through the whole process of leaving him again."

"Maybe he's really changed. But whatever you do, just enjoy the nice things that he does. Just don't depend on it as the bread and butter for your heart. Make your own self happy. And don't you dare become spineless again. You are worth way more than the way he was treating you. And if he's going to act the same way and not do anything to help things, I'll pull you out of that house myself."

"I'm afraid to go in there. Like what if the house is still trashed or he's sprawled out watching sports or the news and doesn't even notice I've come in."

"Do you love him, Connie?"

"Of course I love him. He's the father of my daughter."

"No. You have to keep Sandy out of this question. Do you love him for who he is, regardless of the things he could be or do for you?"

"I can't live like that again."

"Do you love him?"

"Maybe I just love the memories of him."

"I think you do love him or you wouldn't be hung up on the memories, and you definitely wouldn't have felt that much pain."

"I guess I don't know what I feel."

"Do you love yourself?"

"I didn't used to. But thanks to you and the rest of those women, I do now."

"Then I think you should love yourself enough to find out the answers. Living life with questions isn't a way to live."

"So, I should just go in?"

"Yes. Don't call, don't knock, and don't make any sounds. Just go in. The real truth will be there, Connie. And remember, you can always turn right back around and I'll meet you at the airport, okay?"

"If you don't hear from me for a bit, just know that everything's okay. But if I call you--"

"Babes, you're not alone."

"I know."

"Take a deep breath, sweetie, and go inside. I don't have any bad feelings about you being in there. It just seems right to me."

"I love you."

"More than words, Connie."

Randy had been there for weeks and didn't know she was coming, which is exactly how she wanted it. She took another cab from Traverse City to Suttons. After hanging up the phone with Suzy, she slowly carried her two stuffed suitcases up the walk. Her palms were sweating and her breathing had quickened. Getting out her key with shaking hands, she let herself in.

The house was immaculate. The things she was going to remove from the house were put back where they belonged, and at the island in the kitchen by the big window were four beautiful, new stools. The pictures were all put back on the walls and the afghan back on the sofa, folded neatly. The stains on the floor were gone, and she saw Randy sitting on the back deck, writing in a journal. Since when does he write in journals?

He still looked a little weak and frail, but clean shaven. She set down her suitcases, took a very deep breath, and opened the sliding glass door. It was crisp outside. Randy was wearing his lamb's wool coat, and a cup of hot chocolate was sitting on the table beside him.

"Is there room for two here?"

"Connie!!"

"Hi, Randy, how are you?"

"God, I've missed you!" Randy stayed where he stood, afraid that he no longer had the right to touch this woman. Maybe she is here to let me know in person that she's found a better life. His heart felt so destroyed, just like he destroyed all that was good in his life. How could I have treated her like that? The guilt inside of him was evident on his face and in his eyes.

"Can I at least get a hug then?"

Randy ran to her, took her in his arms and slowly, passionately kissed her like he hadn't done since high school.

Holding her very close to him, he buried his face in her neck and choked back a sob. He stood there holding her for a long time, not even noticing the chill outside. Neither of them did. Randy began to hum in her ear a beautiful melody. She always loved his voice. Then he began to slowly sway with her on the deck.

He's dancing with me!

"I love you, baby. Never again is all I can say."

"I love you, Randy."

Scooping her up in his arms, he carried her to the glass door which she slid open. He went inside and let her slide it shut. Randy walked down the hallway with her and laid her on the made bed. He took off her shoes, her coat. He removed his. Then he spooned with her while he lightly caressed her, savoring every touch, every scent, and all the joy of just being near her.

They fell asleep in each other's arms, and at three in the morning Randy woke her, undressed her, and then made the sweetest love to her for a long time. Randy's eyes watered as he looked upon her face.

This is the man that I married. This is the man in my photo album.

∞ ∞ ∞ ∞

At eight thirty, Connie woke up to the smell of bacon cooking. She went to the kitchen and saw Randy cooking this amazing breakfast soufflé on a new white stove. She stood in her steps, absolutely shocked.

"Good morning, my beautiful wife."

"You bought a new stove!"

"Connie, I don't know how you cooked on that old one. That's just one more thing I messed up. I'm so sorry."

"Randy, how did you learn to cook this?"

"Well, I've been taking cooking classes up at the community college twice a week."

"...Really?"

"Yep, and I go to counseling twice a week. And I'm taking a class on marriage. It's for one or both spouses so I've been going to it. I only work three days a week now, and I really like that. I also come home for lunch, and I leave there about four in the afternoon."

"Wow, Randy. You really are doing what you said you would. I'm so happy you're doing this."

"I love you. And I want to be a better husband for you, a better father for Sandy, and a better man for me."

"Come here." Pulling Randy into her arms, she kissed him. She kissed her husband as if he were sweet water on a dry desert day. Everything felt right to her.

Randy got up early the next morning and was putting groceries away when Connie woke up. All she could do was smile.

Thank you God, thank you for all of this...

"Babe, I found this really cool furniture store in Commons. I'd like to go in there with you and buy some new things for the house. I was going to do that last week, but I figured you would like to make things pretty, the way I'm not able to do. Connie, I also know that you hated the bathroom. It didn't bother me. Well, none of this did because I wasn't the one stuck in the house all the time. I would really love it if we went and picked out everything and remodeled it ourselves. You know, like a weekend project, giving everything your special touch. If you would rather not get involved in that kind of thing, I can hire a guy to get it completed."

"Randy, I think I would look real cute in a pair of coveralls."

"Oh, I know you would. But I can't promise I'll keep my mind on working."

"I love you."

"I love you, my sweet Connie. Thank you for giving me another chance."

After breakfast, Connie phoned Suzy. "You were so right."

"Aww, I'm so happy for you, doll."

"He is being absolutely remarkable. But not just for me and Sandy. He's doing it for himself."

"I'm so happy for you. I miss you like hell, but I wouldn't have it any other way right now."

"I owe you one, Suz."

"I know. I'd love a nice pool boy, if you would."

"Suzy, you don't have a pool."

"Okay, you can get me a dumb one."

Laughing, Connie hung up the phone and then helped Randy clean up the kitchen. They sat together on the kitchen stools, held hands, and just enjoyed the silence...

"Randy, where is the television?"

"Oh, I threw that out a while ago. That was one of the suggestions from the counselor. I spent more time watching that television than I ever spent talking with you. I was married to that T.V."

"Your counselor told you to throw it away?"

"Connie, I changed my life. Throwing it away was something that I chose to do. If we want to watch something I'd be more than happy to take you out to a movie. Perhaps after spending time without one, we won't find a use for a television. You never watched it. I lived watching it. I want a new life with you. I learned that when you keep doing something that negatively impacts your life, you eventually get faced with a decision. I got hit in the face with it. This decision was easy for me. I quit watching it the day you told me you left me."

"You mean you would go see a chick flick with me?"

"Only if we sit in the back, in the dark, and I can make you miss some of the scenes."

"Wow, I never wanted to go to a movie so much in my life!"

Connie looked at her husband's face, letting herself fall in love all over again.

∞ ∞ ∞ ∞

Suzy didn't want anything in the house. She got all the things she wanted, but she demanded that Brenda's belongings be sent to her new house. She wanted the old house sold. Blake didn't contest it. His fling left him, and he had called Suzy many times begging her to come back. Finally, she got her number changed. Telling Brenda went easier than expected.

"Good for you, Mom. I'm really glad you didn't put up with that crap."

"So when you come home, honey, you come here to this house, okay?"

"Sounds like a plan, Mom. You will get through this; you're the strongest woman I know."

I borrowed this strength from my sisters. I'm not going through things alone and I never have to, and now I want you to learn that you never have to be alone either.

Karen flew down to Ann Arbor to help her mother put the house on the market and put her things in storage. Rose insisted that the house be sold before she moved. She didn't want anyone to break in and cause damage. It felt so great to Karen to just sit around and visit with her mom, without the trip being tainted by Martin.

"Mom, there's something I have to say to you."

"What's the matter, sweetie?"

"I just want to tell you how sorry I am for getting mixed up with Martin and not spending time with you when you were sick."

"Honey, Martin was a monster, and you did what you had to do to stay alive. If visiting me was going to bring you harm, then I'm happy you stayed put. However, I'll admit that I wanted to put that bastard in the ground." Rose wrapped her daughter up in her arms and savored every moment of their time together.

"I should get going, Mom. I have to get the room ready for you. I want it to be perfect. I want to make this transition for you really easy, so I'll make sure you get on and off of flights without any problems, and have all the things that you need."

"I think this house will sell pretty fast. It's in a great school district and sits on lots of land."

"I want you to know that I'm not going to wait a long time for you to move up north with me. If it doesn't sell pretty quickly, we'll empty the rest of it and let an agent handle the sale."

"I love you, Karen, and I can't wait to see you every single day!"

∞ ∞ ∞ ∞

The summer months flew by for everyone. The house sold, but Rose was waiting for the new owners to close on the house they were selling and to tie up loose ends. Karen paid to have a new roof and gutters put on her mom's house so it would meet code, as well as a new furnace and other updates.

She painted her mom's bedroom in the new house yellow, Rose's favorite color, and went to the store and bought a good mattress and beautiful blue floral bedding. Karen couldn't wait to finally take care of her mom the way she should have been taken care of. She wanted to spoil her beyond belief. Karen was more than going to make up for all the lost time, and would enjoy every single second of doing so.

19

In November of that year, on the first day of deer season, hunters found Blake's body with a self inflicted gunshot wound to his head.

"I'm really sorry, Suzy."

"You're just doing your job, Shelly."

"Are you going to be, okay?"

"Yes, I'm fine."

Suzy turned, vomited on the floor, and passed out cold.

Karen stood next to Suzy and held her hand while she came to on the gurney.

"Hey, there," whispered Karen. Suzy had hit the floor pretty hard going down.

"Hey," Suzy said, grimacing and rubbing the side of her head.

"Suzy, I'm Mac. Do you remember me?"

"Yes, of course."

"I just have to ask you to answer a few questions and do a neurological exam on you. I won't do anything painful."

Mac asked her who the president was, what year it was, to state her full name, to count to twenty, to squeeze her hands. She checked her pupils with a light.

"Well, you certainly did put a knot on your head, but your x-rays came out okay. It doesn't seem like you have a concussion, but we're going to keep you over night just in case, okay?"

"Okay."

Then, memories flooded Suzy's mind again.

"Oh God, I have to call Brenda and let her know. I don't know what to think about this. I feel totally numb. Did I make him do that?"

"No," said Karen, "you didn't make him screw up his life. He did that himself. You had nothing to do with it. He made a selfish decision to take his own life. You have a right to anything you feel or don't feel. But none of this was your fault."

"But the funeral...who will take care of that? Should I be calling someone?"

"Suzy, you are going way ahead here. He has family; his mother is alive and I think you told me he has two brothers and a sister. They can take care of all that, and you can have the hospital call them. They are his next of kin, you no longer are."

"God, I can't believe this."

"Suzy, he made his bed."

"I should go to his funeral."

"If you want to go, WE will go, but you aren't going there without me."

"This is a nightmare."

"We can get through it. He did this all to himself."

The next morning when Suzy was discharged, she took her phone and sat on her bed. Karen came and sat on the bed next to her and held her hand.

"Hi, baby."

"Hey, Mom, how are you doing?"

"Sweetheart, are you alone?"

"No, Cindy, my roommate, is here."

"Okay, good. I have some bad news, sweetheart, and I wish I could sugar coat this but I can't."

"Okay, Mom ,you're scaring me. Just say it."

Suzy took a deep breath. "Sweetie, I'm going to get you a flight out so you can come home."

"Why?"

"Your father..."

"Mom, what's wrong with Dad?"

Suzy let out a sob that she was trying so hard to control.

"Mom! Did Dad get hurt? Was he in an accident? Is he sick? TELL ME!"

"...took his life yesterday."

"Oh, Jesus!!" Brenda buried her face on her friend's shoulder and dropped the phone.

Suzy cried and waited for her heart broken daughter to be able to talk again.

"I don't...Oh, God. Just tell me what he did."

"I'm sorry, baby."

"Tell me, Mom."

"Hunters found him in the woods. He shot himself in the head. I'm sorry, baby. It was a decision he made. A selfish one to get out of the mess he turned his life into." Suzy cried along with her daughter.

Suzy could hear her roommate comforting her. It was breaking her heart.

"Call me back with the flight information. I'm coming home."

Karen and Suzy flew to Traverse City together and drove to the funeral home in Suttons. Blake's family glared at her until his mother couldn't stand it anymore.

"Why in the hell are you here? You left him and he killed himself because of it."

All of a sudden she felt a hand slip into her right hand, then another hand slip into her left. There they were. Connie was on her right and Randy on her left.

Suzy fell into Connie's arms.

"We're here, babes."

Suzy felt no need to air Blake's dirty laundry there at his funeral.

She once again turned to Blake's mother, "I want to be here to support Brenda."

"That poor kid, I feel sorry for her knowing she has a mother who made her father kill himself! You disgust me!"

Suzy saw Lola enter the funeral parlor out of the corner of her eye.

Great.

"I want you to leave, now! You're upsetting my mother," spat Rodney, Blake's oldest brother. "Suzy, you put my brother in the ground!"

"Your Blake screwed up his own life. Don't blame it on anyone else, understand?" Randy was toe to toe with Rodney.

Then Lola came outside and stopped in front of Suzy, then turned her back to face Blake's family. "Stop yelling at her! She did nothing wrong. Your dearest son, Blake, slept with me, had an affair with me for four years. Suzy just found out about it and left him. He lied to us both. Suzy was smart and got a divorce. I left Blake, also. I just stopped in to pay my respects and to whisper to him to go to hell for not standing up to the wreckage he made, taking the easy way out, and giving people even more of his mess to clean up. So before you go pointing fingers, know what you're talking about." Lola spun around on her heels and headed towards the parking lot.

Suzy walked through them all because they were blocking the entrance. Karen was right behind her, but stopped to hug Connie and meet Randy. None of Blake's family said another word.

Suzy headed over towards the closed casket. Thank God I don't have to see his face.

She had rented a car for Brenda at the airport. When she went back outside with Karen, Connie, and Randy, she was feeling pretty sick to her stomach. The flower stench wasn't helping any at all. She saw Brenda being mauled by Blake's family.

"I'm okay, really I am. I need to find my mom though."

"Well, don't believe everything your mother has told you, dear. Your father was a very wonderful, honest, hardworking man."

"You're full of it if you believe that one. He told my mother he was working all the time, but he was having an affair. I have to say goodbye to my father today. It will be a brief visit, as I've lost all respect for him."

"Brenda! How could you talk like that?"

"Because when he cheated on Mom, he cheated on me too. Then he takes the coward's way out. I feel nothing for him. Maybe some day I will, or maybe I won't. So your 'Blake is great' speech is unwelcomed."

Suzy swooped down, grabbed Brenda's hand, and got her out of there. Suzy introduced Karen to Brenda, and in they went.

Brenda walked in, saw the casket, and walked back out.

"I'm sorry, Mom. I know it's cold of me, but I can't do this. I want no part of this. I can't handle it."

"Let's go then, sweetheart. You don't have to do any of it."

Suzy and Brenda rode in Suzy's rental, and Karen drove Brenda's. Suzy didn't want Brenda to be behind the wheel right now. Connie and Randy followed close behind.

"Why don't I feel anything?"

"I think you're just in shock, honey. Same as me, but you can say goodbye to your father anytime you want, and any way that you want."

"Will you ever forgive him, Mom?"

"That, my dear, is going to take an awful lot of therapy."

"What did he shoot himself with?"

"A rifle."

"In the face?"

"Through the mouth and upward."

"What a--!"

"Brenda, when people do this, commit suicide, anger is one of the emotions left on the laps of those who loved them. And anger is healthy as long as you keep it constructive and you don't hold it in. You will go through many stages of grief, and not necessarily in any one order. But the important thing is you work through them all. I think I should put us both in therapy for a bit."

"I hate him!"

"You can hate him right now if that's what you need to do. But I think getting some help working through this would be good."

"He quit being my dad when he decided to cheat on us."

"I understand that."

"Do you know he hasn't even called me in months?"

"No, I didn't. He told me he was regularly calling you from work."

"I haven't spoken to him in nine months."

"I'm sorry, baby." Suzy was feeling sick to her stomach again.

"Well, I think the best thing for me to do is to just move on and forget this ever happened. Forget about him."

"No. We aren't going to destroy ourselves by doing that. We are going to get some help."

"I have to get back to school. I can't fall behind."

"Can't you take some time off?"

"Four days."

"Then I will arrange for some counseling out by you."

"I don't know, Mom."

"Well just think about it, okay?"

"Maybe..."

Brenda, Suzy, and Karen stayed with Connie and Randy for a few days while Suzy got all of her affairs in order. Suzy knew that she had to work this out with the help of a therapist, and even though Brenda was against it, she arranged for counseling for her daughter anyway. Hopefully Brenda would go. Suzy would learn from her own therapy sessions that she began detaching herself from Blake the day he began begging her to come back, and was no longer angry at him. She just pitied him. She didn't miss him. She got through her shock, she did her weeping. But not for Blake. Every tear was for her daughter. Some day she knew that emotions would rear their ugly heads and she'd have to deal with them. But the busy work was at least something else to think about so she wouldn't have to fall apart in front of her daughter.

Suzy's name was still in Blake's will and attached to everything, leaving her the business, the house, the boat, and other things. Even though Blake's family offered her lots of phone harassment and grief, she put the house up on the market, furniture included, and the car dealership, which sold within a week at the low price she listed it for. When all was said and done, Suzy was a few million dollars richer. As far as Blake's family was concerned, they could all go to hell because she knew she more than paid for all of those things.

Suzy, Connie, and Karen went for a long walk early the next morning while Brenda slept. They felt so good being back together again. Suzy was especially impressed with Randy. And even he, Blake's best friend, let Suzy know that what Blake did was inexcusable.

Departing at the airport for everyone was really difficult. After saying their goodbyes and putting Brenda on her own flight, Suzy and Karen sat quietly on the plane, in their own thoughts and memories, and wept.

How come we can only say goodbye to bad things after years of suffering, but we have to say goodbye to good things way too soon? Karen thought, as she stared out the window into the clouds.

20

After a few weeks of digging around, Suzy's prayers were answered. She called for Karen from the kitchen, "Come on, kid, let's go."

"Where are we going?"

"I've been looking in the paper. I'll explain when we get there."

"God, Suz, tell me you haven't been thumbing through the sale ads and now you're hell bent on going to Kmart? I'm not letting you go there."

"No, silly, let's hop in the Jeep. You're driving."

Driving into town, Karen asked, "How far? I'm really not used to driving, let alone driving this big Jeep."

"Um, around this corner I think."

"Okay."

Half a mile down on the right hand side was an empty building, an empty parking lot, and what seemed like an alley from Detroit, minus the bums and junkies.

"Okay, stop right here."

"There's nothing here."

"Yes there is."

Another car pulled in behind them and an older gentleman stepped out onto the sidewalk.

"Are you Mr. Garrison?"

"Yes, I am. And you must be, Suzy?"

"Yes and this is my friend Karen."

"Well, nice to meet you both. Let's go on inside."

Karen whispered to Suzy, "Okay, what's this about?"

Suzy whispered back to Karen, "Come on."

"I'm not comfortable going in there with this strange man. Who knows if we'll ever be seen alive again?"

"You have to come in, kiddo. You don't have a choice."

"What is this place?"

"This, my love, is your new salon."

Karen stopped dead in her tracks, and Suzy had to reach down, grab her hand, and pull Karen with her.

The old man opened the door and held it as Karen and Suzy stepped inside. It was indeed a salon, but in really bad shape.

"The building has been for sale for two years with no takers," Mr. Garrison offered.

"It sure does need a lot of work," Suzy said as her eyes scanned the inside walls and floor.

"They are asking seventy-five thousand for it."

"This building isn't worth seventy-five thousand," said Suzy.

"Well they might come down to seventy. The bank is threatening to take it."

"Tell them I'll purchase it for fifty-thousand in cash today. That's my offer."

Karen whispered again to Suzy, "I don't have that kind of money!" After Karen received her money from the divorce, she had paid off her mother's medical bills and met several other financial obligations.

"Shush." Suzy eyed Karen.

"Well, I will call them with your offer. Excuse me for a minute."

After he walked off Karen tried protesting to Suzy more, but every time Karen started to talk, Suzy would lift up her hand and say, "Shush, not another word..."

Walking back to the women with a smile, he let them in on the news.

"They said they'd take it."

The next afternoon, after getting the keys and the deed, they put on scrubby clothes and went inside.

"This place is a wreck." Karen let her eyes wander.

"Not for long, sistah!"

"What are you going to do?" Karen said with amusement evident on her face.

"We are going to have the place remodeled."

"That will cost a fortune, Suz."

"Yep, and it just so happens that I have a fortune!"

"So, what do we need to do in here today?"

"Well, we are going to make a list of the things we need done and how we want it set up."

"In other words, stare at it."

"Exactly..."

The building itself was in good shape. So were the pipes, electrical and plumbing. But the floor and all the stations had to be completely replaced, and they wanted a bigger reception counter. The salon colors they decided upon were lavender, lime green, and black.

"Okay, let's head back to the house and get the yellow pages. We need to find some sexy men crews!"

Monday morning they pulled up in front of their salon and saw a very huge dumpster.

"They must have just brought that," Suzy said as she stepped up to the massive dumpster.

Stepping inside, they waited for the construction company to arrive. While they were looking around, a voice startled them both.

"I'm looking for Suzy and Karen."

"Hi, I'm Suzy and this is Karen."

"It's nice to meet you both. My name is Jim Hanson. So, which one is the owner?"

Jim was absolutely gorgeous and in his early thirties. His hair was a sandy blonde and he had the most vibrant blue eyes. He was tanned and had the perfect amount of a groomed five o'clock shadow.

"We are both on the deed," Suzy said while he shook their hands.

"Okay, good. We won't be doing anything today except for gutting the place. It will take a full day or maybe two, but it'll be done. I have quite a few guys here to help me gut it. This will be a fun project."

"Yes it will be. Owning a salon has been a dream," said Karen.

"That's really cool. So what are you going to call the place?"

Karen and Suzy just stared at each other. Thoughts of the pizza delivery episode flooded their thoughts again.

"We're still working on that one," said Suzy. "But we'll have a name picked out soon."

"Okay, when you do, let me know. I know a great sign guy I work with sometimes. He does a supreme job for a decent price."

"That's perfect, and I'm sure you will do a nice smile also," said a dreamy Karen.

Jim and Suzy both stared at her.

"What?" Karen totally missed it.

"She meant you guys will do a nice job," Suzy quickly said.

Laughing and smiling shyly at Karen, Jim said, "I'll see you both tomorrow morning, and we'll go do some shopping."

"That would be wonderful," said Karen while she backed up and had to be grabbed by Suzy so she wouldn't trip over a parking block.

Suzy tried to talk to Karen on the way home, but she really wasn't listening to a thing anyone was saying.

Suzy looked out the window often as she drove so Karen wouldn't see the smile cracking across her face.

∞ ∞ ∞ ∞

Later when they got home, Karen laughed, "A name. How in the bloody hell did we forget a name?"

"Well. Let's see. I think because...Well. You know what? I just don't know."

They were laughing so hard that names flew through their head.

"I know!" exclaimed Karen. "How about we call it, The Mop Shop?"

"No, no. How about, You're Still Ugly!"

They were rolling.

"No, I got it! How about, Baldies?"

"Or we could call it, Only the Good Dye Young!"

The girls were laughing so hard they had tears.

"Okay, I really have one," began Karen. "Sisters."

"Oh, Karen, that's perfect! I love it!"

"There is a local women's shelter, so we should start out there when we look for employees."

"Karen, my love, I couldn't have come up with a better idea myself."

The crew began their work, and Karen and Suzy stopped by a couple of times each day. They didn't want the sign put up until the building got painted and they were close to opening.

"Hey, Suzy, my mom is flying in tomorrow morning. She got the house sold and movers are bringing a few of her things, so I'm going to go finish Connie's old room for her. There are a couple of more items I'd like to put in there, like a beautiful vase that I can keep fresh flowers in for Mom."

"Sweet! I'll come pick her up with you if that's okay?"

"That would be perfect! My mother is wonderful. You will fall in love with her."

"Well, I love her daughter very, very much. I don't have a mother anymore so maybe you can share her."

"She would love that. Her name is Rose Ellen, but you can just call her Rose."

"I love that name. When I was little I had this doll, and I named her Rose."

"You know, my maiden name is Jenkins. I want my maiden name back. I don't want anything having to do with Martin on any of my accomplishments."

"I don't blame you one bit, sweetie. It should be easy to do."

Rose was everything that Suzy had pictured. She had a natural rose tint to her cheeks, and blue eyes. She had soft, very short white hair, which was growing back in nicely, and a beautiful smile. When she met Suzy, she tip toed up and kissed her on the cheek. She couldn't have been any taller than four foot, eleven inches.

On the car ride back to the house, they told Rose all about the salon.

"You girls did really well. I'm very proud of you."

"You have to come to the shop and hang out with us while we ruin people's hair."

"Suzy, that's so funny!"

Suzy also noticed that Rose had the most adorable laugh.

After they got Karen's mom settled in, the girls put the speaker phone on and called Connie.

"Are you serious? You guys actually bought it?"

"Yep, Karen and I bought it. The construction crew is already working at the place. Are you ready to hear the name of it?

"God, I'm afraid to ask," laughed Connie.

"Sisters."

"You could not have possibly picked out a more perfect name!"

"I know!" Suzy and Karen chimed at the same time.

After much small talk about the town, the house, and how cute Jim Hanson was, Suzy and Karen really needed to know that Connie was doing okay.

"So how are things going with Randy?" asked Suzy.

"Well, we're going to a marriage counseling group together, and we are both learning a lot about ourselves. He is still being very wonderful and is even doing laundry!"

"My oh my, that is certainly a change."

"I'm really glad you're happy, Connie," said Karen. "You deserve nothing but the best."

"To be honest, I never thought we would make it through this."

"But all of us have made it through our difficult journeys. Without you and Suzy, I think I would have just been swallowed whole."

"But you did good, Karen, you really, really did." Connie thought about the bravery that this young woman showed.

The girls sat and talked with Rose for a bit in the kitchen over a hot cup of tea, then decided to call it an early night so they could be at the job site first thing in the morning.

Early the next day when Karen, Suzy, and Rose went to the salon and found Jim, they noticed that his hair was combed and he was even wearing a clean pair of jeans and a nice shirt. He was already waiting for them with a smile. Suzy gave Jim the full list of what they wanted, including their colors they picked out from the color chart. Karen didn't give any input. She just stared at Jim. All three women went with him to go pick out supplies in Suzy's Jeep.

They picked black flooring that looked like marble. The receptionist desk was a very polished, black chest-high counter and the waiting area was to have black faux-leather chairs. Full length mirrors would be on all the walls, and a display case for products would be by the receptionist's desk. Everything else, from sinks to dryers, was black. The walls that weren't mirrored were to be painted in lavender, with lime green trim. It was going to be beautiful. Rose proceeded to softly elbow Karen and wink as she nodded at Jim when his back was turned. Karen kept turning different shades of red.

A few weeks later, Karen went to a beauty supply place and purchased their inventory of products at a discount, thanks to her license. She had to make two trips with the Jeep.

Three and a half weeks after that, the building was complete. The outside was painted lavender, and the sign, which Stanley made, was beautiful. Jim was right. He really did do good work. The sign was in lime green lights, with a lavender angel flying in the background to represent freedom. It read "Sisters."

The help wanted advertisement was given to a local women's shelter. Four women were hired, which met their immediate staffing needs. Two of those women were licensed to do hair as well.

While the sign was being put in place, Karen, Suzy, and Rose set up the inside.

Karen gave her mother a crash course in hair so she would know how much time to give her for appointments, and said she'd put up a cheat sheet for her also.

"You do know, dear, that I will screw this up?"

"It's okay, Mom. We are all going to screw up, which is part of the fun in all of this!"

"Amen!" said Suzy.

The salon was to be fully open in two days. They called Connie, and she was so happy for all of them.

21

At nine on the dot, Suzy unlocked the salon door and went back to sit down with Karen and Rose. The other staff wasn't due in until eleven. They didn't want them to just have to sit around. At five minutes past nine, the door opened.

"I'd like a scalp shine, please!"

"Connie!!!" chimed the girls.

"Oh, Connie, I can't believe you came all the way up here just to be with us for our opening day!"

"Uh, like I'd miss that?"

"You are so wonderful, sis!" Suzy hugged her close, as did Karen and Rose.

While the women were talking, the door dinged six more times. Two perms, one with color and cut, four cuts, and a waxing was going to be a challenge and a half.

"My God," uttered Karen.

Suzy started to crack up. "Can you handle them?"

"I think so, as long as no one complains and wants something done over ten times. But we'll have to put them on the speed drive. Suzy, start washing hair, and get the perm up first that doesn't need the dye. I'll do the cuts during the perms. Ask my mom to call the other girls in."

"I'll help get the cuts washed!" Connie headed to the front to get the customers.

"You saved the day!" Karen patted Connie's back and went to work.

Rose had her first day of craziness.

Karen called the petite blonde with long, straight hair back from the reception area. When she was asked to remove her jacket so she wouldn't get it ruined, she reluctantly took it off. Her name was Margaret, and Karen saw all the bruises up and down her arms, and her disfigured hand where the fingers had been broken and not set to heal correctly. When she had her lean back in the sink to get her hair washed, Karen saw through the thick makeup, all the bruises and abrasions, as well as a healing cut on her neck.

Karen leaned over close to Margaret's face and looked right into her eyes. "Are you going to leave him?"

Margaret hesitated as long as she dared. "Please, hurry. He's at work but will be home for lunch. I know you hired some of these women from the shelter, so I hoped you might understand my situation. He will realize I've left the house the moment he gets home," she said in a pressured whisper. "I'm sorry I left the shelter and went back to him, but he was threatening to burn it down if I didn't come back home. There are kids in there with their mothers!"

"Don't you worry, hun. We will get you out of here safely. After I do your hair, I want you to go back in my office and hang out until I'm done here, okay?"

"He will kill me! You don't understand!"

"Oh, sister, I understand more than you know..."

Karen worked quickly but proficiently, and when the other stylists arrived, she felt comfortable enough to leave. She gave her staff a quick explanation, got Suzy's Jeep keys, and went out the back door with her new sister.

"Get in and keep your head down," instructed Karen as she kept her eyes on her surroundings.

Karen drove Margaret to the airport after stopping by the bank.

"Do you have safe friends or family anywhere?"

"Yes, my mother lives in Georgia but he knows that. He would come for me. I have a friend named Gayle, who lives in Austin. He doesn't know about her. But she knows that Simon beats me. And she's asked me a million times to come out there. I just needed to save up some money."

"Okay, Margaret. I want you to use my phone and call her. I'm going to go buy you a plane ticket as soon as we reach the inside of the airport."

After Margaret hung up the phone, she sighed in relief. "She's happy I'm coming out."

"Listen, I want you to contact this woman through email. Her name is Linda and she's a great lady. Tell her I referred you. She helped me get where I am today when I found myself in your shoes. Get stronger, call the police, and prosecute him. Do not go back to him!"

"You were?"

"Yes, but I can't talk to you here. We have to get you out of town. This flight leaves in twelve minutes, so we have to move. And here is fifteen hundred dollars. Use it wisely and remember, you don't have to go through anything alone. On the back is my phone number. Don't you ever be afraid to call me, okay?"

"Thank you," Margaret whispered softly as she tearfully hugged Karen.

"You can do this."

Karen rushed Margaret to the gate and stayed to make sure the plane took off.

Karen thought back to the seminar. In helping Margaret she felt like she healed herself a little bit more. She felt as if she had come full circle.

Sisters helping sisters.

Walking back into a smoothly running salon, Karen came up to Suzy, Connie, and her mom and said, "I really need to buy a car."

"Well, the salon looks okay and I can watch the phones and counter. Take Suzy and Connie and go pick yourself out one, dear," Rose said with a smile.

Connie asked, "What kind of car would you like?"

"I want a sports car."

"No, you don't," added Suzy.

"What do you mean by that?"

"Karen, you live in the Upper Peninsula," Suzy reminded her. "You are forgetting about the outrageous snowfalls. Why buy a vehicle you can only drive during certain parts of the year? You need a Jeep or a truck, anything other than a car."

"Yeah, I didn't stop to think about that."

Karen, Connie, and Suzy decided to stay until the salon closed. They drove Rose back to the house because she was getting pretty tired.

Driving up in the parking lot of the dealership, Karen was so excited she couldn't sit still.

"Wow, I really like this one!" Karen exclaimed as she looked over at the black Ford Explorer.

"That one is brand new so it'll have a nice warranty with it," Connie added.

"Yuck, look at the price on it!"

"It's okay, sweetheart, buy the truck," Suzy said as she patted Karen's back.

"If I buy that, I'll have hardly any money left after purchasing things for the salon and paying off my mom's bills. And the car payments would be ridiculous."

"Okay, let me go inside and see what they have in used trucks," said Suzy as she winked at Connie.

Suzy disappeared inside the dealership. After agreeing to purchase the truck in one payment, she got the price lowered by ten thousand dollars. Suzy brought the keys out to Karen.

"Oh my God, you didn't..."

"Uh huh, I did."

"No, I can't let you do this! You have already done enough for me!"

"Okay, so like if you don't drive it home, then I will drive it back to the house and it'll rot in the driveway. Besides, if something happens to the Jeep we will need another reliable vehicle."

"Karen, my darling, you need to know this now. You can never win when it comes to Suzy."

"I'm finding that one out, Connie," Karen said while she hugged Suzy. "Thank you so much. I love you, guys!"

∞ ∞ ∞ ∞

Pulling into the driveway, the women spotted a yellow mustang they had never seen. The car door opened and out stepped Jim Hanson.

"Hey, Jim," Suzy greeted him and shook his hand.

Connie waved and smiled, and Karen just stood there, staring.

"Hey, ladies, I just stopped by to drop off a check. We ended up getting a nice discount from one of the stores since we ordered so much from them. Here you go." Jim handed the check to Karen.

Karen never even looked down at the check. She didn't move her hand to take it. She just kept staring.

Smiling, Suzy stepped in and took the check. "Thanks a lot, Jim. Would you like to come inside for a cup of coffee?"

"Great, I'd love some."

Following the women inside, he chose a seat at the kitchen table.

Connie put the pot of coffee on, Suzy cut some pound cake up, and Karen stood in the doorway, staring.

Suzy decided it was best if she kept Karen busy. "Karen, why don't you make up some grilled cheese sandwiches for everyone? You're the best at making them, and we'll heat up some of the soup your mom made."

"Okay," replied Karen as she got out the ingredients and the pan. She was moving like a zombie.

"So, Karen, you're the best at making grilled cheese sandwiches, huh?" Jim asked.

"Yes, I like nice sandwiches."

"So all the other kinds of sandwiches are mean?"

"What?" Karen seemed lost.

"Nothing," said Jim as he let out a soft chuckle.

Karen burned the first one.

Suzy was trying not to laugh, and Connie had to step into the other room.

"It's okay, Karen. I'll make them and I'll make a special one just for you," said Jim as he winked at her.

"No, it's okay. I can make him."

"What?" Jim asked.

Suzy looked down at the ground. Her smile was bordering on full out laughter.

"Karen, you don't have to make one for me, sweetheart." Jim winked at her again.

"No, I don't mind making you a smile, I'm good at it."

"What?" Jim asked again. He was laughing now.

"What's so funny?" Karen burned the second one.

"Karen," Jim got up from the table, took the spatula from her hand, turned off the stove, and pulled her into the living room. "Could I take you out for dinner?"

"What?"

"Would you go out with me tonight?"

"Uh..."

"You don't want to go?"

"Why do you want to take me to dinner?"

"Because you're beautiful, and the nicest person I've met in a long time."

Karen ran upstairs, making the sound of an elephant herd.

Connie and Suzy came running in the room.

"Jim," inquired a worried Suzy, "what happened?"

"Gee, I feel horrible. I offended her and that's the last dang thing I wanted to do!"

"What did you say to her?" Suzy's protective mode set in.

"I asked her out." Jim looked at the ground. "It's okay, I'll go ahead and go, but I didn't mean anything bad by it."

Smiling, Suzy looked at Jim, patted his back, and asked him to have a seat. "I'll be right back."

Connie started to clean up the kitchen and felt so happy inside knowing that her friend might possibly, finally find love.

Suzy found Karen curled up in the bed with the covers up to her eyes. "Honey, what was all that about?"

"I think he asked me out!"

"Aw that's great. He seems like a super great guy."

"No! Martin did too!"

"Babes, Martin is a monster. Not all men are like him. Give Jim a chance. Just remember, you won't be far away from me, so if he's not a great guy I'll drive over there and kick his ass. Deal?"

"I don't know..."

"Hun, I want you to go."

"Look at me though!"

"You're beautiful."

"That's what he said, but Martin said that too."

"Please? Would you go for me?"

"I don't know."

"Okay good. It's only dinner, so I'll tell him you'll be right down." Suzy headed for the door.

"No! Wait! Don't!"

Smiling, Suzy kept walking down the stairs.

Fifteen minutes later, Karen came slowly down the steps wearing a pair of jeans and a pale yellow sweater.

"Karen, you look gorgeous," Connie whispered to her as she hugged Karen. "Don't be afraid of this, okay? It's just dinner, and you're our lamb. We would never throw you in a lion's den. You go and have a great time."

Jim got up and smiled at Karen. "Your chariot awaits."

Karen managed a small smile and went out the door that Jim was holding open for her.

When they drove away, Suzy and Connie did a high five and picked up their coffee cups.

Connie gave the toast with a huge smile on her face. "Here's to going on a date without a curfew!!

"Here, here!"

They sat in a secluded booth at a nice Italian restaurant named Antonio's. Karen looked at the expensive menu, trying to pick out something that she wouldn't slop all over herself. She really wanted the spaghetti but her hands were shaking too much to eat it.

"Do you know what you'd like?" Jim was trying hard not to mess up again.

"Well, I'd really like the spaghetti but I'd slop it all over myself. I think I'll have the chicken."

"That sounds great." Motioning the waiter over, he couldn't help returning his eyes quickly to this beautiful woman that was with him.

"May I take your order?"

"Yes, we'd like a bottle of the house wine and two orders of the spaghetti."

"Good choice. I'll return soon with your wine."

"Jim, I'm going to make a pig of myself."

"Yes, but you will be the cutest pig that I've ever seen." Jim couldn't believe he said that.

Finally, Karen laughed.

The waiter returned with the bottle of wine, then poured two glasses.

Jim held up his glass to make a toast.

Hey! We do this at the house!

"Here's to the best evening I've had in a long time, and hopefully, to many more spaghetti dinners with this wonderful woman."

Karen was so stunned she couldn't pick her glass up.

"Hey now, you're supposed to toast with me."

Tears began to form in her eyes as Karen ran to the bathroom.

Jim ran after her and stood by the door. Cracking it some, he spoke to Karen in a calm voice. "Karen, I'm sorry I upset you. It seems like I have a habit of making you run off. I hope you forgive me. Like a fool, I assumed that you would want to see me again. I'm really sorry."

Karen came out of the bathroom. Jim bent some and gave her a slow kiss on her forehead.

"It's not you, Jim. It's me. It's all me. I just think I'm forever broken."

"I'm not going to make you talk about anything you don't want to talk about. Let's go eat, and then I'd love to take you on a drive. We don't even have to talk if you don't want to."

Karen just nodded and walked back to the table. She lifted her glass without saying a word and toasted with him. She took a sip of wine, then another sip before draining her glass.

She slopped the spaghetti down the front of her yellow sweater.

"Oh God, I knew I'd do this."

Taking a bit of spaghetti in his fingers, Jim rubbed it on his green sweater. All they could do was laugh and have a second glass of wine.

The small talk was much needed by Karen, and the wine helped her nerves calm some. Jim paid the bill and then escorted Karen back to the Mustang, resisting the urge to hold her until all her worries left.

There was a lot of silence as Jim drove along the shoreline. He smiled frequently at her, wondering what she was thinking.

"Do you live close to here?" Karen felt fearful.

"Not too far. Would you like to see my house? It's almost done."

The way Karen was playing with her fingers, he could tell she was nervous.

"I can just show it to you. You don't have to go inside if you don't want to."

"No, it's okay. I'd like to go."

∞ ∞ ∞ ∞

Jim drove along a quiet road until it ended, then he turned right. He didn't have any neighbors and you couldn't see the house from the road. The driveway, long and unpaved, was surrounded by woods.

Karen was growing more nervous and kept her hand on her cell phone. But when she saw his house she fell in love with it. All the field stones and cedar amazed her. The deck in front had a view of a man-made lake. The deck behind the house faced the woods. Both had beautiful views.

Look at all these huge windows! I would love to have a home like this!

He walked Karen up the steps. Jim noticed Karen's smile as he opened the front door. Suddenly, in bounced Jake, his golden retriever. Karen's smile got even bigger.

"Hey, Jake!" Jim scratched his stomach while Karen noticed the dog bed with Jake's name on it, and all the toys.

You can't be that bad if you can love an animal so much.

"Karen, this is my buddy, Jake. He comes to work with me sometimes if all I'm doing is driving. He's ten years old, that's why his face is white. He's an old boy but he's my son."

"You don't have any children?"

"No, but I would love to have them. I just never met the right woman. Do you have children?"

"No, I don't. I've always wanted them. But the man I was with wasn't the right person."

He took Karen's hand and walked to a sun room in the back, and had her sit on the thick cushioned couch with him. She was glad she still felt the effects of the wine.

"Your house is beautiful. I really love it."

"Well, I'm glad. I would love to have you come over again some time."

They sat in silence for a while. Karen glanced around the room and saw magazines lying around in neat stacks on the coffee table.

"I'll be right back. I think that wine is going right through me." Smiling, Jim got up and left the room.

Karen went through the different stacks of magazines. There were wildlife and building magazines, a few on home designs and decorating.

No smut magazines.

"Sorry, I don't have much of a collection you'd be interested in. I could get you some though."

"No, that's okay. I was just looking."

The night was going well, but Jim needed to tell her some things. Hopefully he wouldn't blow the rest of the night. "Karen, do you know why I wanted to ask you out?"

"No, not really. I mean, I'm not very pretty and I have some scar--" Karen stopped herself.

Oh, God!

"I saw them. Were you in an accident?"

Karen took a deep breath. I don't have to hide anything anymore. "I was abused for six and a half years. My ex-husband busted a glass in my face, so I'm still healing. But in case you're wondering, I did prosecute him. He's spending the rest of his years in prison without parole for all the things he did to me."

"Karen, I have to say something to you after hearing all that."

"Yeah, I know. I'll get my jacket and purse."

Jim stopped her from getting up, wrapped his arms around her, gently kissed all over her face and whispered, "It makes me like you even more. You're now even more beautiful to me, and I didn't think that was possible."

Karen closed her eyes, and tears slowly slid down her cheeks.

"Karen?" asked Jim as he wiped the tears off of her face.

She couldn't speak yet, but just looked up at him.

"I wish I could tell you how much I like you. I have gone out with my share of women, but just for short periods. I don't like shallow people. I want someone in my life, I really do. You don't have to see me again, but I would like to see you. I want to see you every day. I want to talk to you on the phone. Even if all you want is to have me as a friend, that's fine also. But I would really love, more than anything, to spend more time with you. And I bet I've upset you once again with all that."

"No, you didn't. I can't remember when the last time was that I got butterflies in my stomach. And I would like very much to spend time with you."

They sat quietly together for a short while, with Jim's arm around Karen and her head on his shoulder. Neither one of them wanted to move.

"I should get home. I don't want Connie and Suzy to get worried about me."

"Well, then I shall take you home, though with silent protest." He softly kissed her cheek.

The car ride home was quiet. There were so many thoughts in Karen's head, so much warmth in Jim's heart. Pulling into the driveway they looked up and saw Suzy and Connie looking out the living room window.

"Well now, you seem to have gate keepers," Jim chuckled.

Those guys are keepers.

Jim opened Karen's door and escorted her to the front door.

"Thank you, Jim. I really had a nice time."

"Can I call you tomorrow?"

"I would really like that."

This time it was Karen who stood on tiptoes and softly kissed Jim's cheek. He held her close for a couple of minutes and then gently, briefly brushed his lips against hers. Smiling, Karen turned and went inside the house.

Then Karen got bum rushed.

"So how did it go?" Suzy was the first.

"Was he nice?" Connie had a furrowed brow.

"He was absolutely a dream. I think I really like him. We are going to go out again. And you know what I did?"

"Oh God, please tell me you didn't sleep with him already!" Connie's brow was about ready to fold in on itself.

"No! He isn't even like that!"

"Ah, he's gay?" Suzy was serious.

"You guys. Honestly. No, he was a perfect gentleman. What I did was tell him the truth about the scars on my face. And after I told him, he kissed them and said I was even more beautiful."

They both said, "Aw" in unison.

"Jeez! I'm going to bed. Wait until you date, Suzy. Just you wait." Laughing, Karen went into the hallway to her mother's room. She slowly opened the door to check on her, then went to her own bedroom. Her mother was working long hours at the salon, making new friends and loving it.

But she couldn't sleep. She had butterflies, lots and lots of butterflies.

I'm not broken.

22

Suzy, Connie, and Karen met in the kitchen at six thirty to get breakfast going. Suzy poured her Special-K and Connie made her English muffins. Karen still had butterflies from the night before. She peeled an orange while she waited for her mom's oatmeal and toast to finish. Karen loved cooking for her mother. She loved the fact that she could finally give her mom the care that she longed to give her for years.

It was when Karen went into the hall that she heard the moaning. Hurrying to her mother's door, she quickly opened it to hear labored breathing. Rose's face was discolored and there was sweat beaded up all over her.

"Mom! Mom! Oh God, Mom! CALL AN AMBULANCE, NOW!"

Connie sat on one side of Karen, with Suzy on the other. Both of her sisters were holding her hands. They saw how much Karen was shaking and it broke their hearts.

Please, God. Don't take anything else away from this child. Please! Suzy prayed.

It took quite a while for the doctor to come out and talk with Karen. But when he did, he looked very stern. Karen sank.

"Who is Karen?"

"That's me, I'm Rose's daughter."

"Are these your relatives?"

"These are my friends. I need them with me."

"Okay, can you come with me into a room over there? It's a little more private."

Sitting down in the room, Karen asked what she wanted to know and what she feared knowing. "Is my mom going to be okay?"

"Well, first let me tell you what has happened. Your mother suffered a heart attack and then a massive stroke. Karen, there isn't anything more we can do for her."

"Is she alive?"

"Yes she is. But she won't be for much longer. We could put her on life support, but I will only do that if you want me to. And she could live for a while on that, but it isn't any quality of life. She will never regain consciousness, nor would she ever be able to speak or walk. So I need to know what you'd like for me to do."

"She is dying."

"Yes, Karen. I'm really sorry you are losing your mother."

"I need to see her."

"You can see her, Karen. I just want you to know that she really isn't even there anymore."

"I need to see her," Karen repeated.

Karen got up from the chair and followed the doctor. She didn't even think to ask Connie and Suzy to come. She just knew they would. She stepped into her mother's room with her eyes closed. She heard the bleeping of the cardiac monitor and hissing of oxygen.

I can't do this!

Quickly she turned to run back out of the doorway, but instead ran right into Suzy and Connie's arms. She let them fold her up in their wings. Karen let out loud sobs.

"When you're ready, baby, we'll go with you," Suzy said with tears on her cheeks. Connie's tears were flowing as well.

Slowly, Karen turned towards her mother and felt Connie and Suzy hold her hands again. Her mother looked so small in that bed. Her mouth was now slack, as was her left eye.

"Mom? Mom, it's me. You stay strong for me okay?" Karen bent over and kissed her mother's cheek, then had to wipe off her own tear which fell to her mother's gown. "Mom, you don't leave me. It's not time for you to leave me, okay? You just got to me. You are my life. Please, please, please don't do this..."

Karen let down the rail of the bed and lay down next to her mother. She wrapped her arm over her mom and laid her head on her shoulder.

"Mom, do you remember when I was little, I would come into your room and lie down with you until I fell asleep, just so I wouldn't be afraid? Well, I have to do it again, Mom, because I've never been so afraid in my life. You have always been there for me. How could I ever go on without you? You just beat this cancer, Mom. You can beat this too. You can, Mom. I believe in you. I'm not going to leave you, okay? So you don't leave me. You fight this. You tell me you love me again and let me hear your beautiful voice."

Connie began to loudly cry and quietly left the room. Suzy was leaning over Karen, holding her while Karen held her mom. She lay next to her mother for four hours. Hospital staff came and went, but they were quiet and no one said a word. Slowly, Karen drifted off to sleep.

Jim quietly came in the room and let Suzy know that Connie had called him. He came right away. When he saw Karen, a small tear slid down his face, then many more followed. Suzy went over and hugged him.

The staff had turned off the sound of the cardiac monitor so the family could have quiet time. But the doctor arrived shortly and with his stethoscope he confirmed what he saw on the monitor at the front desk. Rose's heart had stopped.

"Karen, your mother's heart has stopped. Do you want us to do any measures?"

Karen jumped out of bed. "What do you mean?! She isn't dead!"

"Karen, she's gone. But I need to know right away, do you want us to do measures to keep her alive?"

"YES! You do everything!"

Suzy grabbed her. "You don't do this to her! Baby, she's gone. Let her be with God. Honey, don't make her exist in a shell. Set her free."

Karen collapsed on the ground on her knees. With her face in her hands, Karen shook her head and said, "No, just let me say goodbye, okay?"

"Yes, Karen, of course you can. Take as much time as you need with your mother and once again, I'm very sorry for your loss."

Karen rose to her feet, held her mother's face in her hands. "Mama, I'm so sorry. I'm sorry I wasn't there for you for all these years. I'm sorry I missed the last years that I had to spend with you. I blew it. I know you will be an angel, because you were mine here. Your wings will be beautiful, just like you. I was always so proud of you. I was proud to have you as a mom. I love you more than anything. You go now, Mom. You fly. I love you. I'll see you soon." Karen gave her mother one last kiss on the cheek.

Karen backed out of the room and then bolted.

Suzy caught on first. "Oh my God, she'll see her mother soon? She's going to kill herself, RUN!"

Jim ran the fastest, followed by Suzy and Connie. They spotted Karen rounding the corner. The girls had never seen Karen run so fast. They couldn't catch her. She ran for the water.

"RUN! SHE'S HEADED FOR THE PIER!" Suzy yelled as she also tried to holler out to Karen for her to stop.

They finally got behind her about fifty yards. Karen leaped onto the pier at full speed.

Suzy was panicked while Connie had enough of a clear head to stop and call the police.

"JIM! MY GOD, STOP HER! GO, GO, GO!"

Karen was very close to the water now, about thirty feet.

"YOU'RE NOT LEAVING ME, KAREN! I WILL JUMP IN AFTER YOU!!" Jim took off like a rocket, reaching Karen at the last second. He threw his arms around her, lifting her off the ground. Jim carried her from the pier as she yelled, screamed, and kicked.

Karen stopped fighting and screamed; a loud, deep, long, guttural sound that no one believed could come from her.

Suzy held Karen while Connie talked to the police who had just arrived.

"Let it out, sweetheart. Let it all out," Suzy whispered as she held her.

"I HATE YOU, MARTIN! You ROBBED me of my MOTHER! You removed the last years I could have spent taking care of her!! BUT YOU KEPT ME THERE TO BEAT ME, TO RAPE ME, TO HOLD ME A PRISONER? YOU WILL PAY, MARTIN! YOU WILL PAY FOR THIS, YOU BASTARD!!"

Karen sobbed and screamed and fell apart until her body just went limp. Her insides became numb. Slowly, she backed out of Suzy's arms, looking at her like she didn't even know who Suzy was. Karen began to walk away, never before feeling this empty.

I never thought I'd see that look of defeat in that girl's eyes again. Yeah, screw you, Martin. Suzy wished she could kill him.

Karen walked by herself with an angry look on her face, staring at the ground.

"I'll stay with her," Jim said as he took off. He gave her space but stayed no more than ten feet behind her.

Karen walked, and walked. The sun was setting and the air was getting chilly. Karen didn't have a jacket on, but didn't seem to feel it. She didn't even notice Jim behind her. Jim was grateful that Suzy and Connie were slowly following them in the Jeep.

Connie looked at Suzy, "Karen needs to release her mother's body. We will have to get her back there."

"We will, just as soon as Karen can do it. Right now that girl just has to walk away and shed all her unfairness in life."

Karen was now close to the house. She walked into the woods and found a sapling, a Blue Spruce to match the blue of her mother's beautiful eyes. She reached the back yard and dug a hole with her hands where the earth was cold, but soft. Karen carefully planted the sapling, then went in the back door and got a pitcher of water, while Jim stayed in the distance. She watered the tree, then knelt by it.

"Well, Mom, now I can take care of you. I will help you to grow strong. I love you, Mom. I really, really love you." Karen got into a fetal position, curled around the tree on the cold ground, and rocked herself.

Jim couldn't stay away any longer. He got to his knees and then curled his body behind Karen, trying to keep her warm. He gently rocked her as he held her close.

Connie and Suzy saw them out the kitchen window. Suzy went into her bedroom and got the blanket and comforter off her bed, then quietly walked outside and covered them both up. It wasn't long before Karen fell asleep. Jim rose to his feet and picked her up, while Connie carried in the blankets and Suzy held the door open. They pointed to Karen's room. Jim carried her there, laid her on the bed, and then curled up against her again. Karen talked and cried in her sleep, but Jim would just hold her closer and she would settle again.

It was after nine that night when Karen woke up. She got out of the bed without realizing that Jim was with her. She walked as if in a trance, just going through motions.

"Bless her heart. This is so hard to watch. That girl has been through enough," Suzy said to Connie.

Karen walked into the room with them. "I have to go to the hospital and take care of things. I want to walk there."

"But, babes, it's late and it's cold. I can drive you," Suzy said as she tried to hug Karen, but Karen wouldn't hug her back.

She walked out the front door. Jim went right out behind her. He wasn't going to let her walk in the dark with no coat on, as the hospital was three miles away.

"Karen, stop."

Karen turned towards Jim. She acknowledged him without even seeing him. "Why?"

"I'm driving you."

"I'm going to walk there. I need to walk."

"I will drive you there and then when we get back, I'll go for a walk with you."

"My mother just died."

"My mother died too, and my father. We were in a car accident when I was eighteen. I lived angry for years because I survived and they didn't. We were a close, loving family. I know your pain. I know what it's like to go through all of this. You walk, I swam. I swam so far out the lifeguard had to come and get me. It's okay that you have to walk. But I will promise you this. I'm not going to let you take one step alone. You aren't alone. You will always have me. You have Suzy and Connie. We all love you."

"You love me?"

"I love you."

He wrapped his arms around Karen. "Baby, I never want to be without you. You are the one for me. I have never met anyone who I felt this way about. I will be here with you every step of the way. I'll take off of work for as long as you need me to. But I want to be the one who's with you through all of your happy and sad times. I've waited all my life for you. No matter what you say or do, I'm not bailing."

Karen let him hold her, but she couldn't hold him back.

"Come with me, sweetheart, let me take care of everything."

Jim was able to get Karen in his car without protest, but as a precaution he locked the doors. They were safety locks that wouldn't allow Karen to open her car door and flee.

Jim was the one who asked for the charge nurse. She brought out all of Rose's belongings and the paperwork. He looked over everything and asked that Karen sign this line and that line. He helped her pick out a funeral home, the same one his parents were at. Jim was told that tomorrow, Karen would need to go to the funeral home and make arrangements.

"That's fine, I'll bring her."

Karen walked into the house without acknowledging Connie or Suzy and went straight up to her bed. She lay down with her dirty clothes and hiking boots on. Jim looked at Connie and Suzy, pointed upstairs, and they nodded, giving him permission. He set Rose's belongings down on the end table, as well as the papers, and walked upstairs. He untied Karen's boots and slipped them off, then curled up behind her.

Kissing her cheek, Jim whispered, "I love you, Karen."

Karen didn't respond. She stared at a window which only showed her the black sky.

The next morning Karen came downstairs in the same clothes with dirty knees. Her fingers had remnants of soil on them, and she was still wearing her hiking boots.

"I have to go to the funeral home and make arrangements." Then she went out the door.

"No, Karen," Jim said as he followed behind her. "We do this together." He grabbed her hands gently and walked backwards, slowly pulling her to his car. Karen got in but no words were spoken.

They sat in an office, and Karen couldn't help but remember the nauseating carnation scent at Blake's funeral. She felt like she would vomit. The funeral director arrived, a very tall, thin, pale man with long arms.

"Karen, I'm sorry for your loss. I know this is a very tough time for you. But we'll help you anyway we can. Do you know what your mom's wishes were?"

"My mother wanted to be cremated."

"Would you like a viewing?"

"I would like something beautiful for her. We don't have any family. There will only be a few of my friends attending. I would like us to have some time with her for a couple hours."

"We can do that."

"We were family. She was my family. Now, I don't have a family."

Karen walked out of the room like a robot. Jim reached in his wallet for his credit card, paid for the services, then finished up with the director as fast as he could. He needed to make sure Karen didn't walk out of the funeral home.

But when he went into the lobby, Karen was gone. Rushing outside as fast as he could, he spotted Karen walking towards some shops.

"Karen!" Jim sprinted over to her.

"I have to get some flowers for my mom."

"Karen, come with me a second." Taking Karen's hand, Jim walked her over to a park bench.

"Martin was a terror." Jim wasn't going to let go of her hand. He had to get her to talk.

"Martin is Satan. He ruined my life. He took six and a half years from me and robbed a mother and daughter of time, precious, precious time."

"But now he's paying with his life."

"Not enough. I want someone to torture him every day. I will find a way to kill him myself," Karen responded in a monotone.

"Karen, you are blocking yourself from feeling this and I'm really worried. I think maybe you should go see a grief counselor like I did. It helped me."

"There isn't anything to say."

"I would go with you. Would you go for me?"

Karen didn't respond.

"Karen, please? If you don't like it you never have to go back. Please? Just one time..."

"I'm sick and tired of counselors."

"I understand that. I went for four years."

"You did?"

"Yeah, I did. After the sudden death of my parents, I was a wreck. And they were the only family I had. So now it's just me. I don't have anyone. It gets hard sometimes knowing that."

Karen got up and walked to the flower shop. They picked out a beautiful cascade of yellow roses, her mom's favorite.

They walked outside and Jim said, "Please, wait here. Please. Don't walk off okay? Promise me?"

Karen nodded and then Jim took off running as fast as he could. He disappeared through the woods and into a field. Fifteen minutes later he came up behind Karen and put a lovely bouquet of wild flowers in front of her.

"I didn't see any flowers in there that I liked. But I knew where there were pretty ones. But any flowers, no matter where in the world they are grown, no matter how beautiful, they are all just cheap imitations of you."

Karen smiled and took the flowers. It was her first smile. They smelled beautiful. She didn't say anything. She just climbed into the Mustang while Jim held the door open for her.

Jim got in and started the engine. While his hand was on the shifter, Karen reached over and put her hand on top of his. He wasn't going to do anything that would cause her to move her precious hand.

"You do," whispered Karen.

"I do what?"

"Have family. You have me, you have Connie and Suzy."

"And you all have me too."

Karen removed her hand and Jim finally shifted and moved out to the road. He wanted to holler out the window. He had never been happier.

Walking into the house hand in hand with Jim, Karen saw Connie and Suzy sitting in the living room. Giving them both a smile as she walked in, she lovingly said, "I love you guys. You're my family and you always have been."

Getting up at the same time, Suzy and Connie wrapped their arms around Karen and then included Jim in their warm embrace.

Through tears, Suzy whispered, "We love you too, baby. Don't you ever forget that. Don't you ever forget that we are the best kind of family."

The very best kind, thought Karen.

The service was beautiful. They each took turns speaking to Rose out loud. A cascade of yellow roses lay on top of her white casket. They had a local pastor perform the service. Karen picked the most beautiful place she could find and scattered her mother's ashes. It was down by the lake in a field of wild flowers. Jim, Connie, and Suzy stayed by the edge of the field so Karen could talk to her mother in private. It was a sunny but chilly day, and when she was done she walked back to those she loved so dearly.

Connie and Suzy got back to work taking care of the salon and hired a new desk clerk and stylist from the women's shelter. Then they got a hold of Stanley and set a surprise into motion.

Karen slept in a couple of hours on her first day back. She got out of her truck and had to take a deep breath. She wasn't looking forward to seeing someone new doing her mom's job. But something was different. Looking up at the sign, the angel was now holding a long stemmed yellow rose. Karen wept, and seeing this, Connie and Suzy ran outside to embrace her.

Slowly and barely, Karen was able to choke out the words "Thank you."

23

Spring arrived and was very much welcomed after the cold harsh winter. Sisters was doing very well and Karen, with the help of Connie, Suzy, and Jim, was able to pick up the pieces from her mother's death. Connie left a couple of weeks after the funeral to get back down state to Randy. They told Karen to take her time, as she needed to get all her mom's affairs in order and attend some grief counseling. She decided the therapy was helping her immensely. Suzy's daughter Brenda had even flown in for Christmas, and the season did bring in much joy and happiness. Karen missed her mother deeply. But the anger and bitterness had finally faded as Karen realized she didn't lose everything after all.

Karen and Jim had remained inseparable, and Jim had very much become a part of their family.

On the second Sunday in May, Jim stopped by the house and asked Karen to go get some things for him at the store so he could cook everyone dinner.

"Okay, you got a deal!" Taking the list, Karen headed off to the store.

Jim motioned for Suzy to sit with him.

"What's up, kiddo?"

"Suzy, before you say anything please hear me out, okay?"

"Sure, Jim, is there a problem?"

"You are the closest person Karen has to a mother. And she really loves and respects you, as do I. I have never met a woman like Karen before. She brightens all of my days. When I leave her, I ache inside and think about when the next time will be that I can see her. I love her with all of my heart and there isn't anything I would do to hurt her or even put a frown on that beautiful face. I would love nothing more than to spend the rest of my life with her. So this is my way of asking your permission. Would you mind me asking Karen to be my wife? If you want me to wait I will, but I would treat her like the queen she is. I promise you that."

"Yes! Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes!!!!"

Standing up, Jim wrapped his strong arms around Suzy. "Thank you so much for your blessing. I would like to ask Karen tonight."

"Jim, she loves you. I never thought she would ever allow anyone near her again. But I've seen her face light up every time you are near her or call. You are the perfect man for Karen. Thank you for making her so happy." Suzy wiped her eyes.

When Karen pulled up, Jim took the groceries from her arms and handed them to Suzy. Then he escorted Karen to the car and helped her get in.

"Where are we going?"

"I would just like to go for a drive with you."

They drove in silence holding hands until they came to a field where wild flowers were beginning to bloom along side a lake. The weather was warm and sunny.

"This is where I scattered my mother's ashes, right here beside the lake in these flowers." Karen slowly walked over to the place while Jim followed behind her.

"Right here isn't it?"

"Yes, right here is where. I come here often because I feel like she's here with me."

"That's perfect then."

Karen, puzzled, turned to face Jim and watched him get down on one knee.

"Sweetheart, I wanted your mother to be here for this."

Karen began to drip tears down her cheeks as she looked upon this man who taught her what love really is.

"Baby, you brought the love and joy into my life that I've always longed for. And I want you to spend the rest of your life with me. I can't even imagine being with anyone else. I can't even imagine a different mother for my children. I love you more than anything and I promise to do the best for you. You are the closest thing to an angel that I've ever come across. Honey, you make my heart sing and you're the reason for all my smiles. You are my soul mate and now, Karen, I want to ask you to be my wife. Baby, will you marry me?"

Karen dropped down on her knees in front of Jim and held his face in her hands. "Yes..." Karen was sobbing and that was the only word she was able to mutter as Jim slid the most gorgeous diamond ring upon her finger. He smiled at the perfect fit.

There isn't anything I wouldn't do for him. I found him, Mom. I found him.

Jim held Karen as they sat amongst the flowers near the lake. They both sat in quiet thoughts, appreciating this moment, appreciating each other.

"I can't wait to tell Suzy and Connie."

Jim hugged her closer and smiled.

"Jim, do you think there's something wrong with me?"

"No, sweetheart, you are perfect."

"But you never asked me to..."

"You mean to make love?"

"Yes."

"Karen, I do want that. But I want to make love to my wife for the first time on our wedding night. Is that okay with you?"

Karen smiled and softly kissed him.

∞ ∞ ∞ ∞

"Suzy, you have to be my matron of honor, and I want Connie to be my bridesmaid."

"Of course I will, sweetheart. I'd do anything for you, and I am very honored that you picked me!" Suzy said with the biggest thrill of excitement in her voice.

"You're my best friend. How could I not pick you?"

"I love you too, kiddo."

The waiter appeared with their chef salads and iced tea.

"Karen, did you bring the notebook?"

"Yeah, I did. I couldn't remember anything if I tried. It's a couple of months away and already I'm a nervous wreck."

"It's okay, babes! Don't you worry, you'll get even more nervous," said Suzy, cracking up.

"Oh gee, thanks."

"Okay, did you guys pick a date?"

"Yes, Saturday, July fourth."

"That's a great day. And I know all those fireworks will be celebrating you guys."

"It's Jim's birthday."

"Perfect!"

"Well, he is also, so yeah." Karen blushed.

"Do you know what your colors will be?"

"Okay, don't laugh at me, but I really don't know anything about this. I just sort of picked meaningful things."

"Did you guys pick a church?"

"Well, we are going to get married in the wildflower field. My mother is there. Jim proposed to me there, it's beautiful and peaceful."

"Sweetheart, I couldn't possibly think of a better place."

"As far as the colors go, I would like you guys dressed in a light blue, like my mother's eyes, and to carry roses in honor of her name, yellow ones."

"Deal! I love this already! Is Jim having a best man or bringing anyone to the wedding?"

"His best friend Jason will be his best man. He's much older than Jim, kind of like a grandfather. Jason took him under his wing after his parents died. I've met him, he's really nice. And Jason is bringing his son. I'm not sure who else. But we want a very small, intimate ceremony."

"What would you like the guys to be wearing?"

"Jim thought they would look nice in silver tuxes, with yellow roses in their lapels."

"Well, we can make things really pretty out there. My mind is already ticking, darling."

"You're funny, Suzy. You are the best friend who's ever come into my life. You really are a godsend."

Suzy hugged Karen. "You are so important to me, babes. I don't know what I would have done without you." Suzy glanced down at Karen's hand as she squeezed it. "Did you guys pick out rings?"

"We still have to go looking. I hate that he spent so much money on this one."

"Angel, you are priceless and he isn't poor."

"I get sick to my stomach when I think about all of this and the fact that when we get married I will be moving in with him. Then you will be all alone."

"Don't you worry about me, I'm a big girl and I want you to be happy."

I don't want to leave you!

"Do you know what kind of dress you'd like?"

"No, I don't have a clue. But I know my mother wanted me to wear a Cinderella dress, and I didn't do that with Martin."

"Then we shall find you a Cinderella dress. Martin didn't deserve it. So, when you're finished eating we're off to shop!"

"I'm ready!"

After paying the bill, Karen's stomach was already feeling upset from nerves.

The girls were looking at all the dresses in Carmen's Bridal Boutique's window. Suzy took Karen by the hand and led her inside. A plump, elderly, but very sophisticated looking woman approached them. Her name tag read "Gertrude."

"Hello, ladies, can I help you today?"

"Yes, this beautiful bride-to-be, Karen, needs a Cinderella dress for a July fourth wedding!"

"Well, I think we can find something! Let me get Karen measured, then you can both have a seat. I'll be right back with some beautiful dresses for you to try on."

"Oh god," whispered Karen. "What if I look horrible in all of them?"

"Sweet cakes, you need to spend more time looking in the mirror. You are breathtaking."

"Okay, I have these. I must say they are spectacular! Come with me, Karen, and let's get started."

Gertrude escorted Karen into a very huge dressing room. There was a large platform in the middle and mirrors were everywhere. Karen felt so small.

"Okay, let's try this one on."

Karen stood there.

"Hun, you have to take off your clothes," Gertrude chuckled.

I don't have to hide a bruised body anymore.

"Oh, right. Sorry." Karen took off her clothes, and Gertrude slid the dress down over her head and zipped it up.

"Could I have Suzy come in and stay? Her opinion means the world to me."

"Of course, dear, let me go get her."

Suzy walked into the room, touched that Karen wanted to share something that normally was shared between a mother and daughter. Suzy stopped in her tracks when she looked at Karen.

"What do you think about this one?"

"Karen..."

"Do you like this one?"

"Karen..." Her eyes were watering.

"You don't like this one?"

"I've never seen an angel in real life before this moment. You look so beautiful. My God..." Suzy looked at this beautiful woman who was standing before her. She definitely had a true Cinderella gown on.

The gown was done in a romantic silk, satin, and lace design. It was strapless and a little lower in the back. There was a medium hoop underneath of it with open pleats in the front and back where lace and satin cascaded down in thick, beautiful layers. In the back, the train was spread out about six feet. When Karen turned, the dress flowed with her as if they were one. The waist hugged her just right, and scattered sequins on the gown picked up the light perfectly.

My God...she looks like she just stepped out of a fairy tale.

"Do you like it?"

"Karen, I've never seen a more gorgeous sight in my life. I absolutely love this dress."

"I'll take this one."

"Karen, I have others here for you to try on."

"No. Suzy likes this one. She's my best friend and is like a mother to me. If she likes it then it's the perfect dress."

Suzy walked out of the dressing room, went into an empty one, and just let her tears flow. She composed herself before Gertrude came out of the fitting room and then went to the counter with her.

"I don't think it needs to be altered, do you?" Suzy asked.

"No, it fit her quite well. But what shoes will she wear?"

"Karen hates heels, so whatever she picks will be flat."

Suzy paid for the gown. That's what mothers do.

Karen picked out white ballet slippers and a white sequin purse. She refused to let Suzy pay for these.

Driving home with the dress in the back seat, Karen kept turning and looking at it. "I think my mom would have liked this dress."

"Babes, you are breathtaking with or without that Cinderella gown you have."

"I hope it fits for the wedding okay."

"You just have to lay off that ice cream you've been engulfing."

"Screw that. I'll get another dress. I'm not giving up the ice cream."

"Good girl! That's the spirit!" Suzy ruffled Karen's hair.

Karen called Connie that evening while Suzy looked through pictures of flowers and wedding cakes.

"Hi, Connie, it's me."

"Hey, girl!"

"I wanted to know if you'd be my bridesmaid."

"Oh, I'm so there!"

"Would a blue gown be okay with you?"

"Sweetheart, I'd walk down the isle in my underwear for you. Wait no I wouldn't."

"Oh, thank God," Karen laughed, "because I want the underwear off."

"Well, I have to get a tan then."

"Connie, you're cracking me up!"

"A blue gown would be perfect. Like your mother's eyes?"

"I knew you would figure that out. The ceremony will be in that field where I scattered Mom's ashes."

"So she can be there."

"I love you."

"Hey, I love you too, beautiful."

"I got a dress today. My mother always wanted me to wear a Cinderella gown, but I never did. So now I will wear one."

"I bet you look so beautiful in it!"

"We're getting married on Saturday, July fourth. Can you and Randy make it?"

"Yeah, like anything could stop us!"

"I'm worried though. After I get married I'm moving in with Jim. Suzy will be alone then."

"Don't you worry about Suzy, okay? She will be just fine. And it's not like you can't visit, plus you work together every day."

"Yeah, I suppose so..."

"Well, don't you worry, and if you need help with anything or you need me to do or get something for you, let me know, okay?"

"Okay, I promise. Thank you, Connie. It means everything to me that you'll be there."

"Well, you're one of the lovely people who mean everything to me, so of course I wouldn't miss it for the world."

"Good. I'll do your hair for free."

"Sold..."

Laughing, Karen blew Connie a kiss and hung up the phone as Suzy came walking back in the room.

"Karen, what would you like to do about a reception?"

"Well, crap."

"What's wrong?"

"Uh, I forgot about that part."

"Well, we could cook up some stuff and have it there, or we could go to a nice restaurant."

"Hey, I got it! I will pass this by Jim, and I know he won't mind, but our first date was at Antonio's. It's a nice Italian restaurant where Jim took me for our first date." Her first date with Martin was at an Italian restaurant.

Martin who??? Karen smiled.

"Aw, that's just perfect!"

"Do you want music at the wedding?"

"I would love some, but I don't have a clue on that one."

"How about something soft and beautiful?"

"Yes, and I would like to have something special sung. But I'll be horrible at picking a song out."

"So, do I have the right then to surprise you?"

"Go for it, sister."

24

The weather on July fourth couldn't have been more perfect. Suzy and Connie had met Jim, Jason, and Jason's son Mike out at the field. The area was scattered in color by wild flowers in full bloom, and the fragrance swept them as they set up for the ceremony. Suzy had ordered a trellis to be brought in, and the florist had helped decorate it full of yellow roses. Everyone was in the wedding, so chairs weren't necessary. The photographer was due soon, and it had been decided that Mike would be the ring bearer.

"Suzy, we have to go get dressed. Karen did an amazing job on our hair, but our outfits aren't doing it a damn bit of justice."

Suzy laughed, "Yeah, the photographer is pulling up, so let's fly home and get dressed. Don't forget that Karen doesn't want anyone seeing her."

"Bless her heart. I wish her mom could have been here."

"She's here," began Suzy, "I really believe that. But let's get going, we have less than an hour."

Everyone took off to get dressed while the photographer set up. The violinist and singer were due anytime.

Suzy knocked on Karen's door. "You, okay, babes?"

"Yeah, other than feeling like I could just upchuck."

"Hey, cookie, this is the beginning of your new life with someone who really loves you."

"But what if he doesn't like my dress?"

"Well, if he doesn't like it I'll marry you, okay?"

"Sweet!"

Suzy and Karen both laughed.

"Connie and I are heading over. You have to leave here in exactly fifteen minutes. Can you do it?"

"Yeah, I'm almost done so I'll see you there."

"Okay, sweet pea. Call me if you need anything."

Karen pulled up behind the trees and spotted the runner that led up a short path in the woods. No one could see her until she stepped out into the clearing. She chose to walk alone all the way to the people who love her.

Well, Mom, this is it. I wish you were here in person. I would have had you give me away. No one could ever fill those shoes but you. I hope you like my dress, and I'm so happy you got to meet your son-in-law and that you like him. I know you're not physically here, but I feel you near me and I know you'll be walking with me. I love you, Mom. I love you with all my heart.

Karen picked up her bouquet of red and yellow roses that were wrapped with cascading white, lavender, and blue lace. The runner was long. She stepped onto it, her chin held high, and waited for the music to begin. There were rose petals on the runner, a surprise from Suzy. The trellis was decorated with yellow roses, also a surprise from Suzy. Then she heard the violin and the most beautiful female voice singing a song about loving someone forever. It was so perfect. Karen took her first step, and her beautiful gown flowed with her.

She looked up at Jim's face. He had water-filled eyes and a genuine smile at the love of his life. It was an image she would never allow to leave her mind. Karen didn't see a dry eye. Suzy and Connie looked so beautiful, even with the tears. She reached the trellis and Jim took her hands into his. They decided to write their own vows. The pastor was the same one at Rose's funeral. He had been so kind and loving to Karen. When it was time, Jim went first.

"Karen. I can't tell you how beautiful you are, both inside and out. You made me the luckiest man in the world the first time you said 'hi' to me. This is my most important journey in life and I can't wait to take you on it with me.

"I promise to give to you everything in life that you need. All the love that I have is yours, and it's more than enough to carry you through any dark and trying time. I will be there with you when you are sick, and I will be there with you when you're happy or sad.

"I never could dream of being with another, as I believe we were made to be together. You are my puzzle piece. You are my sunshine and my rain when I thirst. You are the most precious gift I've ever been given and I will never forget your importance, even for a second. Just the thought of you makes me smile. I can't wait to spend my life with you. You're my heart.

"You are so much a part of me that when you're away I feel like a big part of me is missing. There is so much love that I have to give to you. Not just today, but every day for the rest of our lives. I want you to know no pain, no misery, and no loneliness. I want to take care of you. I want to take care of your heart.

"I promise to not let a day go by that you don't know how much I love you. I can only point at you when people ask me why I'm so happy. I want to hold your hand today, and I want to hold your hand when we're a hundred years old. Even then, I will still call you my bride. I love you, Karen."

Karen dabbed at her eyes through all of Jim's words. When it was her turn, she took a big deep breath and looked right into Jim's eyes.

"I look in your eyes and I see this kind, loving, wonderful man. I want to always deserve you. Spending the rest of my life as your wife would be heaven to me.

"When I was a little girl I used to run really fast with my kite. And I would daydream that the kite would lift my feet off the ground and take me high into the sky. There isn't any kite or string anymore...there is you. That's what happens to me now every time you kiss me.

"You have the most beautiful spirit and soul of anyone I've ever met. They couldn't have painted anything more beautiful. Jim, I can't give you everything, because you already are.

"You carry me everywhere we go with your love. My feet never even touch the rough surface of the ground. You give me your strength when I don't have enough. You hold my hand in the dark when I can't seem to find my way. You sit quietly sometimes for hours with me...and that makes you happy. When you tell me you love me, you make me feel it every time.

"You teach me so many of life's lessons with every contact that we have. Your unconditional love pours out of you, and no matter where it falls, you find every drop and you give it to me.

"You take the time to find the difference between rain on my face and tears. I promise you, Jim, that every day I will teach life lessons to you: how you are the greatest man that ever lived and that there isn't enough repayment available for all your acts of kindness. No one else could fill your shoes and no one else ever could wear my ring.

"I will love and cherish you every day, and I promise to tell you how much I love you, even in your sleep. I promise to be grateful every day for this gift that God has given to me, and I will celebrate you and rejoice your every breath.

"So I give you my hand today and I give you what strength I have. I'll carry you anytime and soften your journey. I will take your tears as my own, and even when it's not dark anymore I will still want to hold your hand.

"Jim, all of my unconditional love has overflowed, and I've picked up every drop so you could have it all. I give to you my heart. I'll work hard to deserve you, and I'll be very proud to call myself your wife. I want nothing more than this. Thank you for picking me."

When the simple but beautiful engraved bands were placed on each other's fingers, Jim was told he could kiss his bride. It was a long, beautiful kiss.

"I now introduce to you, Mr. and Mrs. Jim Hanson!"

Connie hugged Suzy and then they ran to Karen and Jim.

"Oh, baby! I just love you!"

"I love you too, Suzy."

"Sweet cheeks, you are the best of the best."

"Thanks, Connie. Thank you for being here, and I really love you."

"I love you, Karen."

Suzy hugged Jim tightly. Then out of habit she turned and hugged Jason. Then she hugged Mike, and Mike didn't let go.

Karen noticed, Jim noticed, Jason noticed, and Connie noticed.

But no one said anything.

The restaurant was wonderful. They were given a small, private room. Karen and Jim never expected gifts.

"Here, guys," began a smiling Suzy. "This is a little something from me and Connie."

Karen took the card and opened it.

"Oh, my God!! I can't let you guys do this!"

"Well, two weeks in Hawaii for the love birds is just perfect!" said Connie, smiling, "And you can go any time. The tickets don't have a date."

"Aw, thank you guys so much." Karen and Jim got up to hug them and deliver kisses on their cheeks.

The newlyweds opened the other cards and gifts, including a picture frame and crystal wine glasses with their names and wedding date engraved, money, and even a quilt that Jason's sister had made with their names on it. It had wedding ring designs that made everyone stare, even the wait staff. It was beautiful.

Jim gave the guys expensive pen and pencil sets with their names engraved, along with golf passes. Karen opened her purse.

"I have something for Connie and Suzy."

"Sweetheart, you don't have to give us anything," Suzy began.

"Yes, I want to."

Suzy and Connie opened up their small boxes. Inside, each got a very beautiful golden locket with blue and rose colored flowers on the front. On the back, Karen had them engraved. "My friend and my sister, I love you."

"Oh, Karen..." Suzy and Connie wept.

"Open them."

Connie and Suzy slowly opened the lockets. Inside was a picture of Suzy, Connie, and Karen that they had taken down by the lake after they moved in together. It was the day they purchased their first good camera, and Karen's face was healing nicely. Connie set the timer then placed it on a rock. Karen remembers her running like hell to get back in the picture.

Connie got up and hugged Karen. "Baby, it's beautiful. Thank you so much!"

Suzy hugged Karen and held onto her. "You mean so much to me."

"I love you, guys." Karen hugged them back.

The new bride had a bag packed for her wedding night, her first night with the man who meant the world to her. Karen would get the rest of her things later in the week. She wasn't looking forward to seeing Suzy's face when she left.

Karen went with Jim back to his house...Her house...Their house. The drive seemed extra long, as she was nervous about what was to come. What if he didn't like her that way? She tried to put these thoughts out of her head. It wasn't working very well.

They held hands and walked up to the door together, and then all of a sudden Jim lifted her off her feet and carried her through the doorway.

"Welcome home, my beautiful wife."

He had cleaned the house and even bathed Jake. He lit candles as he went, bringing her with him by her hand. When he got her to the steps, he stopped to kiss her up every one of them.

"My wife, my beautiful, beautiful, wife... You are breathtaking, and I've never seen a more beautiful gown on such a perfect woman."

What if he feels my scars...?

"Jim, I'm not perfect..."

"Shhh. You've just never been shown love before. But now you're going to be and for the rest of your life as well."

At the top of the stairs, Jim picked up his wife and carried her to their bed. He lay down next to her and just kissed her mouth for a long time. He kissed her hands, looked into her eyes, and told her how much she means to him.

"I don't want to do anything you don't want to do."

"I want your love," Karen whispered as she softly held his face.

Jim got up and pulled Karen to her feet very gently. He unzipped her gown and looked at his wife. After slipping off her beautiful wedding dress, he took off his own clothes slowly, then picked her back up in his arms and laid her on the bed. He kissed all over her beautiful body, going slow and being gentle. Finally she wrapped her arms around him and kissed his lips.

"Make love to me," She whispered.

Jim entwined his body with hers and they became one, making such slow, passionate love in perfect rhythm. Everything felt right, like their matching love for each other.

They made love until late in the evening, drank a glass of wine, and then made love again. They spooned for the remainder of the night, talking softly, holding hands, kissing. Karen had never felt this much love before. Jim couldn't believe that such a perfect woman existed.

"Karen?"

"Yes, baby?"

"Will you marry me?"

"Every day..."

"That's good, because I'm going to ask you every day."

"I love you."

"I love you, my beautiful bride."

They fell asleep wrapped up with each other. Nothing could have been more genuine.

25

On Wednesday, Jim drove Karen to get her things out of her old house. She wasn't looking forward to it. She didn't want to see the pain in Suzy's eyes. She wasn't looking forward to making her sister be alone. Karen swallowed back tears as she unlocked the door, and they both went in. Suzy must have been taking a nap. She came out of the bedroom looking kind of tired. Karen felt bad for waking her.

"Who is it, doll?" A voice came from the bedroom.

"Oh God," said Jim.

"Oh God," said Suzy.

"...Sweetheart, who is at the door?" Mike asked as he stepped out with a sheet around him. "Oh God," he said.

"Um..." Karen was speechless.

"What?" asked a calm Suzy. "Hey now, I'm an adult."

"Wow. We'll come back later and get my things. Oh God. Just uh..."

"Oh God," repeated Jim.

Jim walked out the door while Suzy winked at Karen.

Driving away, neither Jim nor Karen spoke for a bit.

"Well, I didn't expect that."

"How do you think I feel? I feel like I just caught my mother in bed!"

"Ugh...and with Mike..." Jim said while he twisted his face.

"He's her age. I just wish I knew him better."

"Just, ugh."

"If he does anything mean to her I'm going to kick your best friend's son's ass."

"Ugh."

Silence continued until they reached their house. They went inside and Karen felt like she should at least fix this.

"Look, Suzy and Mike are a cute couple. Suzy is a beautiful woman and Mike likes her. I'm glad that she found someone, I was worried she would miss me."

At that, they both fell out laughing. "Hun, I don't think Suzy is going to miss you being in the house!"

They laughed for a very long time. It sure felt better than the shock.

On Friday, Karen called Suzy and asked her if it was okay to come and pick up her things.

"Of course it is," informed Suzy.

"Well, that was something." Karen knew the topic had to be brought up.

"What, me and Mike? We really like each other."

"Well, I'm glad for that. I'm really happy you found someone. Is it anything serious?"

"I think it's turning out to be that way. I'm really falling for him."

"Just be careful. I don't want you to get hurt because then I'm going to go to prison."

"He's really good to me. We go to the movies and he even took me out dancing. We are really close."

"I'm glad, Suz. I really am."

Karen pulled up in the driveway and Mike's car was there. Ugh.

"Hello!" Karen yelled from the front door before she opened it all the way.

"We're in the kitchen."

Suzy and Karen hugged each other, then she hugged Mike because she really didn't know what the heck else to do.

"So, how are you guys?"

"We're doing great. I'm about to take Suzy fishing."

Karen let out uncontrollable laughter. "Have fun with that!"

"She told me she fishes very well."

Another loud burst of laughter escaped Karen, and Suzy was having a hard time not busting out herself.

"She fishes very well. Don't forget to dress warm. Bring a camera."

Suzy bent and whispered into Karen's ear, "Can I borrow that glove thingy you have?"

"Yes, just take the tackle box." Karen was almost out of breath from laughing.

"Would you like to come with us, Karen?"

"No, thank you, Mike, I have some things I have to do. But you enjoy your fishing with Suzy and I'd be most delighted to hear all the details."

Suzy gave Karen the evil eye.

Karen got her things that she already had packed up and went out to her truck. Suzy followed her outside.

"Is this okay with you? That me and Mike are seeing each other, because I'm really happy."

"Suzy, if you're happy then I'm happy. I support you in any decision you make and you should know that by now. Besides, you guys look really cute together, though never, ever again do I want to see Mike wrapped in a sheet."

Suzy laughed. "Okay, I'll make sure he comes out nude next time."

"NO!!"

∞ ∞ ∞ ∞

A few months later, Karen stopped by to visit Mike and Suzy. She still made sure to knock first but had grown used to them being a couple.

"We should go out sometime together on a double date," suggested Suzy.

"Wow that would be really fun! But we'll have to wait until Jim feels better. He has a flu bug. He stayed home from work today and I'm making him see the doctor this afternoon."

"If he stayed home he must be sick. Give him my love and tell him to get better soon."

"We had to reschedule our honeymoon. We thought we'd wait until things settled down and Jim got a job finished up, plus we wanted to escape the cold winter. But now he's way too sick to travel."

Karen kissed Suzy, said bye to Mike, and went out the door to go take care of her husband.

The salon was busy. The receptionist that Connie and Suzy had to hire since Rose's death was working out really well. Her name was Melody. She had worked in a busy salon before, so this wasn't new to her. She had a great sense of humor and fit right in.

Karen and Suzy arrived about the same time and greeted everyone. All of the stations had clients already seated and Karen's first cut was due in twenty minutes.

"Are you doing okay, kiddo?"

"No, I am coming down with Jim's stomach flu. Oh God. This smell in here is making me sick."

"Do you need to go home?"

"No, I'll deal with it."

Karen ran to the bathroom and vomited frequently.

"Okay, this isn't funny. Get your butt home."

"I'm okay, really. I just..."

Suzy reached out and grabbed Karen before she fell.

"Sit down over here. I'm making you go home."

Suzy called Jim on his cell phone and he was there in fifteen minutes.

"Baby, what's wrong?"

"I have that stomach flu you had."

"Jeez, I feel horrible. Come on Karen, I'm taking you home."

"I think I'm okay now."

"Home...Come on, doll."

Karen let Jim walk her to his car. He had to stop twice so she could get out on the side of the road and wretch with dry heaves.

An hour after Karen left, Melody began coming down with symptoms. Suzy had her hands full and was hoping no one else was going to get sick.

Jim put Karen to bed, then gave her some ice chips which she was only able to keep down for just a few minutes. He lay with her.

"Well, at least you're not running a fever."

"I feel like crap."

"It's okay, hun, I'll take care of you."

Karen stayed sick for three days. Jim was worried because she wasn't able to keep anything down and was so light headed. He took her to the doctor and Karen protested for the entire drive.

"I don't need to see the doctor, I'm okay."

"Just humor me, Karen, and let them check you out."

Karen's name was called and she reluctantly went in.

Doctor Erickson was nice. He drew some blood and checked her urine.

"Well, two things, Karen."

"What?"

"You are dehydrated. And you are pregnant."

"I'm pregnant?"

"Have you been missing periods?"

"Yes, but just three. I thought maybe it was nerves. It has never been unusual for me to miss periods. I've always been like that."

"Well, I'm going to give you the name of an obstetrician. I want you to make an appointment right away."

"Dr. Erickson, is the obstetrician a female?"

"Yes, and she's really good. She'll examine you and she'll have your blood work results."

"Wow, a baby..."

"Do you not want a baby?"

"You have no idea how badly I want one. And so does my husband. Thank you, doctor." Karen walked out of the examination room with a huge smile while wiping tears off her glowing face. She wanted to surprise Jim.

Karen got into Jim's car. He still held her arm when she walked, just in case.

"Is it the flu?"

"No, it isn't the flu. Will you take me to where we were married? I want to be near my mother."

"Oh, no...It's serious, isn't it?"

"Oh, it's something serious alright. But I want you to take me."

"Sure, I'll drive there." Jim started the car with trembling hands. His heart was pounding and fear was enveloping him.

Jim helped Karen on with her coat. The October winds were gently blowing in from the lake. He was so afraid something from Karen's past was causing her pain, as it did sometimes.

"Walk with me." Karen took his hand.

When they reached the place where they were made husband and wife, Karen held his face. "Do you love me?"

"God, Karen, I love you with all of my heart."

"The doctor told me something today."

"Okay, I don't like the sound of this. Sweetheart, are you okay?"

"Yes and no."

"Tell me the no part first." Jim had a panicked look on his face.

"I'm dehydrated."

"Well, we will have to make that better right away."

"The good news is..."

"Tell me. Please."

"Well, you're going to be a dad."

"What?! Oh my God! A BABY?"

Jim threw his arms around Karen, lifted her off the ground some, and began twirling her.

"Oh, I'm sorry!"

"It's okay, Jim. I'm not going to break, but you have to stop the twirling thing until my stomach settles down."

"A...dad!"

"Yes, love, you're going to be a dad."

Well, Mom. I wish you were here, but I know you'll hold this grandchild of yours every minute of every day in your heart.

Jim yelled as loud as he could, jumping clear in the air, "I'M GOING TO BE A DAD!"

They stood holding each other on this important spot. Jim's hand slid down to Karen's belly. His tears flowed the moment he blinked.

He will be a perfect dad.

They both agreed to tell Suzy right away. She was like a mother to Karen, and now to Jim as well. Karen knocked on the front door before opening it now that Mike stayed over frequently.

"Come on in, sweetheart, I'm in the kitchen!" Suzy yelled as Karen opened the door.

Karen tried to ignore the smell of coffee brewing.

"Hey, guys! Karen, shouldn't you be in bed? What did the doctor say?" Suzy hugged and kissed them both.

"How are you doing today, Aunt Suzy?" Karen's back was to Suzy so she couldn't see Karen's smile.

"I'm doing great. Melody came down with it so I sent her home. I was just making me a nice cup of....What?!"

"Well, you are the only Aunt Suzy we know." Now Karen turned around.

"Ohhh my God, really?!"

"Yes," Jim said with a huge smile.

Suzy was all over both of them, feeling and patting Karen's little stomach.

"When are you due? I have to be there! We have to make sure you eat right now. Do you have names picked out? Have you started on the nursery yet? Wow, I get to buy baby stuff!! Who is your doctor? Have you had an ultrasound yet? Do you guys want a boy or a girl? I get to play with a little baby!! Aunt Suzy!!"

"Suzy." Karen was laughing hard. "I just got back from the medical doctor's office. We thought I had the flu. So, I still have to call and get an appointment with an obstetrician he recommended. You are the first person we've told." Suzy threw her arms around Karen again. "Suzy, I want you with us every step of the way."

"I second that," chimed in Jim.

"Guys, you couldn't have possibly made me any happier. Thank you..."

∞ ∞ ∞ ∞

Jim sat in the lobby at Doctor Carol Kettle's office. Looking around the room he saw lots of very pregnant women there. His heart swelled with love for his wife. He couldn't wait to share every step of this with Karen and to go to all her appointments with her. For this first one he was told it would be best if he sat in the lobby. But if that doctor and nurse thought it would be best to sit in the lobby every appointment, then they had another thing coming! Jim didn't know that this was Karen's request. She wanted to ask the doctor something in private.

"Doctor Kettle...."

"Karen," laughed the doctor, "please call me Carol. Everyone around here does. It keeps things friendlier for the moms and it's easy to remember, plus I dislike my last name." Carol let out a giggle.

"Thank you, Carol. Before you examine me, I'm afraid of something."

"What would that be?"

"I was physically and sexually abused by my ex-husband. I'm afraid that I won't be able to carry this baby full-term or deliver it naturally."

"I read your medical file, Karen. And we are going to find all of that out. Now I just need you to lay back and relax."

Karen lay back on the table and closed her eyes. Carol was very gentle as she carefully examined her.

"Well, Karen. I feel some scarring, but other than that there isn't anything that will prevent you from having this child vaginally. And according to your blood work and the size of your uterus, you are about twelve weeks pregnant. Now I want to give you a treat. Are you ready to listen to your child's heartbeat for the first time?"

"Wait! Get my husband, he's in the lobby!" Karen was so happy.

Jim was escorted to the room by the nurse.

"Hi, sweetheart," Jim said as he leaned down and kissed his wife's cheek. "Is everything okay?"

"Hi, Jim, I'm Carol, Karen's obstetrician. We are getting ready to listen to your baby's heartbeat for the first time. Karen wanted you here for that. Are you excited?"

"You have no idea....." Jim's smile said it all. He reached down and held Karen's hands.

Carol turned up the volume of the Doppler, and there was the beautiful sound. The soft, quick beat of their precious child's heart.

"God, Karen, you mean the world to me. And not only that, but you are the cutest mama I have ever seen! Thank you, sweetheart. Thank you."

Karen and Jim softly wept with each other.

"You two have no idea what a splendid treat it is to see a couple so in love and who wants their unborn child." Carol let them hear their baby's heartbeat a little while longer.

"Everything looks and sounds perfect, Karen. I did take a pap smear and I've ordered some additional blood work, that's just normal routine. But so far I see no reason for any concern. But I want you to stop by the desk and have an ultrasound scheduled. We don't do those here so you'll have to go to the main hospital. But so far I can tell you that you can expect your baby to come see you around April fifteenth. The nurse is also going to give you some prenatal vitamins that you will have to take daily. No alcohol, no other medicines are allowed. There's some information on healthy diets and a bunch of other important things, so make sure you both read up. Do you guys want to know the sex of your baby before it's born?"

"No!" They both said at the same time.

The doctor laughed. "Okay, then. I will see you back here after the tests and I'll let you know your results."

Karen and Jim left the office hand in hand, still smiling and replaying their baby's heartbeat in their minds. They were able to schedule the ultrasound for the next week. They couldn't wait to see their baby.

26

"Mama, what room should we pick for the nursery?" Jim asked as they were driving home.

"The room across the hall from us is the perfect size, has lots of closet space, built in shelves, and big bright windows."

"And a very nice and important rocking chair I made..." Jim pulled over on the side of the road, leaned over, and gave his pregnant wife a slow, passionate kiss.

"I can't believe you made a rocking chair for me!"

"I love you. You have made me the happiest man in the world."

After arriving home they settled into the front room with all the information from Carol's office. Jim brought the rocking chair out for Karen to sit in, and she fell in love with it. They read every word out loud and copied down the list of healthy foods. Karen called Suzy and let her know what was going on.

"Well, that's just splendid news! And don't worry, babes, I'll call Connie and let her know everything. You just take care of you and that baby of ours and get some rest. I'll take care of the shop and everything else. Don't forget to pick up some saltines at the grocery store. They help with nausea so just keep a pack beside the bed and eat a few before you stand up."

"I love it when you tell me what to do, baby." All three of them laughed, as Karen had speaker phone on.

"Honey," Karen began as she held Jim in her arms, "do you want a boy or a girl?"

"Love isn't male or female. Love is love. That's what we made. That's what he or she will be given. I will be in seventh heaven regardless. The sex of our child doesn't matter to me, Karen. We made a life. What more could we ask for?"

"Okay, but will you change diapers?"

"Yes, while you sleep, while you're awake. I will totally be there for all of it."

"Will you bathe him or her?"

"I would be in my glory!"

"Will you get up during the night when the baby's crying constantly from a belly ache or teething?"

"Every night...and just so you know, that rocking chair fits my butt too."

"Okay, then. I think you might be a keeper, sir."

"Oh, babes, you aren't getting rid of me. I have radar. I will chase you down and find you, and move right back into your heart."

"Would you serenade me at the window?"

"Yes, and throw pebbles at your window to get your attention in the middle of the night."

"What if you break my window?"

"Don't you worry your pretty head, I can fix that."

"Will you charge me?"

"Yes, why yes I will." Jim gave her a cute grin and kissed her mouth slowly.

Jim cleaned out the kitchen and threw all unhealthy foods away. Karen watched him, trying not to laugh out loud. Then he added onto their two page grocery list.

"Honey, we don't need all of these things."

"Yes we do. I'm going to buy all the things on this list."

"Jim, how often do you think we are going to go grocery shopping?"

"I think we should go once a week, more if necessary."

"Okay, then. So you think we are going to eat eight bags of spinach, eight bags of carrots, three bunches of celery, and six heads of lettuce? Really??"

"Okay, so I might have over estimated."

"I'm going with you. I am definitely going with you..."

Grocery shopping was indeed an event. Jim put things in, Karen took things out. Jim picked out okra, Karen shook her head no. Almost three hours later, they drove back home.

"Well, now that that's done, we have to figure out the colors for the nursery. I can make all of the furniture for our baby."

"Okay, but it's going to take us six months to put all this food up!"

"Hey, missy, I'm a professional shopper..."

Shaking her head, Karen decided to change the topic off of the food problem. "So what color do you think we should paint it?"

"Well, I think we should stick with beige. That way it'll be good for a boy or a girl."

Karen stared at him. "Beige..."

"What is wrong with beige?"

She threw her face in her hands. "Jim. Jim, Jim, Jim. I am not putting beige in our child's room. It is a 'nothing' color, it's insignificant. Everyone should start out with color and live with the colors of their hearts."

"Okay then. I do grocery shopping because I'm so good at it and I will build things. You can pick out colors. So what color would you like?"

"I want very beautiful spring colors."

"That would be perfect. But then we are going to have to have beige carpet."

"Beige is a horrible color."

"Karen, lots of people enjoy beige in their homes."

"After being knocked out, bleeding, and left for dead, the first thing I saw when I opened my eyes was the blood-stained beige carpet that I was sprawled out upon. I'm not going to invite any memories of him into our home and especially not in the room of our child."

"Karen, I'm so sorry all of that happened to you. But you're right. No bad memories are allowed in our home. I think we should do the whole room in spring colors. What do you think, love?" Jim wrapped his arms around Karen and held her close. He wished he could erase all of his wife's bad memories.

"Yes, Jim. That would be a fine idea."

No more knives and daggers, Martin.

∞ ∞ ∞ ∞

Karen lay down and took a nap while Jim emptied out all of the boxes, stored things from the nursery, and pulled up the carpet. Then he went out to his work barn, cleared away other project supplies to set up the saws and benches. He was touched knowing that what he would make would hold all of his child's sweet dreams.

Jim opened the windows and wiped down the room. Even though he objected to her doing physical labor, Karen helped paint the walls a very light mint green and all the trim white. Jim hired his painter to make murals of rainbows and animals in light spring colors on the walls, with a few animals scattered on the ceiling. After the painting was all done Jim put down a beautiful yellow carpet.

"Now all we need is our precious baby," Jim said as he wrapped his arms around Karen.

"Oh, speaking of which, we have our ultrasound tomorrow."

"Yes, and you have to drink a ton of water."

"Oh yeah, I forgot about that."

Jim woke Karen up nice and early to start drinking her required amount of water.

"Jim...I can't finish the rest of this."

"Yes you can. It's for the baby. So drink up!"

Sitting in the lobby, Karen began squirming.

"Baby, are you okay?"

"Jim. Tell them to hurry up and call us, I have to pee!"

"They said your bladder has to be really full."

"Jim...Go...Tell...Them, to hurry the hell up!"

Jim restrained a full out laughter and went to the counter. He returned another minute later.

"Okay, there are just two more ahead of you."

"Pay them!"

"Pay who, honey?"

"...Those two other women. Give them money to let me go next!"

"Karen, hang in there. It won't be much longer."

"Jesus!" Karen got up and began pacing.

"Honey, it's okay. They'll call you soon."

"Next time I have to do this, you will do it also! Then say that!!"

Karen paced until her name was called. But when she got to see their little baby moving around inside of her, she forgot all about having to pee.

"Excuse me for a second," said the tech as she left the room.

"She said we get to have a picture of the baby today!" Karen was glowing.

Another person came in and finished the ultra sound. Doctor Carry Sims introduced herself. "How are you folks doing today?"

"Wonderful!" Jim said and Karen agreed as the doctor reviewed the screen shots.

"Well, I got called down here because of two heartbeats and two babies. You, my dears, are going to have twins."

Stunned didn't even begin to describe the new parents.

"Will that be a problem?" asked the doctor as she moved her eyes away from the screen. She saw Karen and Jim embracing, their tears mixing with each other's.

"Karen, I will fax all of this to your obstetrician, and I want you to call and make an appointment with her. I don't see a third baby or hear a third heartbeat. One baby was behind the other one, but if you look here they are almost side by side having a field day on your bladder."

"Jim, look how beautiful they are!"

"Thank you for this gift, sweetheart," Jim whispered to Karen.

The proud parents-to-be were given extra copies of the twin's first photograph. One for Karen and Jim to each carry around and one for the nursery wall. They also wanted to give copies to Aunt Connie and Aunt Suzy.

As soon as Karen sat her purse down when they got home, Jim pushed the play button on the stereo. While beautiful music filled the room, he slowly pulled his wife into his arms and danced with her, softly kissing her cheeks and her lips.

"Karen, I love you with all of me."

Karen held him a little closer. "Now I know what love is. Thank you."

If I had to go through every sad, painful thing in my life to get to where I am right now, I'd gladly do it all over again.

The next morning, Karen woke up without being nauseated. She picked up the phone and called Suzy.

"Hi, sweetheart. How did your ultrasound go?"

"It was wonderful, Aunt Suzy, Aunt Suzy."

"That's great. Did you get a picture?"

"Yes we did, Aunt Suzy, Aunt Suzy."

"Is that your new way of talking?" Suzy laughed.

"We just wanted you to get used to your greeting when you come to our house."

"What are you talking about?"

"We are having twins!"

"Oh! Two beautiful babies?!"

Karen laughed. "Yes, they saw two babies and we got to hear both heartbeats. I go back to the doctor this Friday. And I got a copy of their first ultrasound for you."

"I think I need to sit down!"

"Something else I want to ask you. Jim and I talked about it. We would really love for you to come into the delivery room. We want you there with us."

"Oh, babes, I'd be totally honored. Thank you!" said Suzy as she began to cry.

27

Karen sat in the nursery in one of the empty rocking chairs that Jim had made, happy that he added a second one as another surprise. She was only supposed to be out of bed for short durations but Karen adored this room. She stared at all of the love and hard work that her husband had put into all the furniture. He made cribs that were so beautiful, and Karen couldn't wait for their children's first happy smiles and sweet dreams to be held in them. The changing table and dressers came out so gorgeously. She couldn't imagine better looking or better built furniture anywhere. All the details he carved into the wood were created with so much love. She wouldn't trade Jim for the world.

She wasn't allowed to leave the house anymore or do anything strenuous. She spent her time in here refolding clothes that Suzy had bought and the ones that Connie had sent. Karen seemed to be getting more energy as her due date got closer. Carol told her this could happen and warned her not to over do it.

Mike bought a swing for two and delivered it himself. It was a wonderful addition for the nursery. He made Karen stay in the bedroom so he could set it up and surprise her. Suzy knitted two blankets, one yellow and the other white, and Mike had folded them neatly on the swing as an extra surprise.

The built-in bookshelf was lined with trim that Jim had made. The top corner pieces had beautiful carved designs. The shelves already held a collection of picture books picked out by the proud parents.

Karen rubbed her belly and back as she talked to her unborn children. "I just wish this back ache would go away. I've called your daddy at work too many times. My belly is huge so I know the two of you are going to be big and strong." Growing babies can cause this kind of pain. She read about how physically strenuous carrying twins could be. The babies were always very active, but had slowed down some.

Karen readjusted the pillow behind her back. She just wished that pain would back off some. Karen was slowly rocking and rubbing her belly softly when the phone rang.

"Hi, Mama, how are you doing?"

"Jim, this pain is getting worse. It's hurting more than it was yesterday and earlier this morning. And my due date isn't for another week. I'm sorry I keep complaining about this. I only got out of bed for a short bit."

"I'm coming home, love, sit tight."

"No, it's okay, it's probably nothing."

"I'm five minutes from the house. I'll be right there."

Karen could hear Jim accelerating. Finally he arrived.

"Angel, let me help you to the bed. You should lie down and I'll curl up with you."

Jim put an arm around Karen and lifted her to her feet. After only one step into the hallway, Karen felt the gush of warmness between her legs.

"Oh God, Jim, my water broke!"

"Okay, baby, let's go. The bags have been in the car for a couple of months, so no worries."

Karen watched Jim scramble around the house at high speeds.

"Jim, we have to leave!"

"I need my keys!"

"They're hanging out of your pocket!"

Karen felt a nice size contraction.

Jim picked her up, carried her down the steps, out the front door, and stood her on her feet while he opened the door.

"Jim, hurry!"

Jim drove at ridiculous speeds with Karen begging him to slow down, then begging him to hurry.

"It's okay, baby. I've got this under control." Jim was sweating profusely.

The hospital was only fifteen minutes from the house. Jim made it there as if it was right next door.

The attendants took Karen up to labor and delivery while Jim parked the car, called Suzy, and got Karen registered. Then he flew up the stairwell to be with his wife.

They already had Karen in a gown and attached to an I.V. and monitor. He could hear the heartbeats in the hallway.

"How are you doing, sweetheart?"

"Jim!! Hold my hand!"

"Okay, breathe with me." Jim took slow deep breaths like they had learned in their birthing class.

"AHHHHH!!"

"Breathe, Karen."

"OH JESUS!"

"Karen, breathe, sweetheart."

"I'M SPLITTING IN HALF!"

"Look at me, baby. I want you to roll on your side a little so I can rub your back."

"Tell them to give me something!!"

The doctor came in to examine Karen. "You are going to deliver anytime now, so it's really too late to medicate you. Just try to work with the contractions and if you start feeling the need to push, don't. Not until I say to do so. We called your obstetrician, but I don't think she'll be here in time."

The nurse took Karen's vital signs and charted the babies' heart rates.

"Karen, everything looks good on this end. They aren't showing any signs of distress," said the nurse while she patted Karen's hand.

"God help me!"

"Look at me, angel. I'm here and Suzy will be here any second."

"Jim, PLEASE do something!!"

"Aw, hi babes," Suzy whisked in and put her arms around Karen.

"Suzy, this hurts so badly!"

"Yes, but the result is worth the pain. Just think baby, your very own family!"

After another hour and a half of labor, Karen began to grunt.

"Doctor!" shouted Jim from the hallway.

Carol stepped inside. "Don't push, Karen, until I have you in the delivery room." Carol shouted from the hall. "Move her!"

Both Karen and Jim were so relieved to see that Carol made it.

Nurses in scrubs, face masks, and hair and feet covers hurried the bed down the hall. They all helped slide Karen onto the delivery table.

"Karen, when I tell you to push I want you to push, okay?" instructed Carol.

"Yes, are Jim and Suzy in here?!"

"They are outside the door getting protective attire on."

"We're here with you now, babes," Suzy said as she kissed Karen's cheek.

"Okay, I don't want you guys by me. Stand where you can see the babies be born okay?"

"Now, Jim, I'm going to have you help deliver the babies," said Carol.

"I will deliver one. I want Suzy to help deliver the first baby if that's okay." Jim winked at Suzy.

"Yes!" yelled Karen. "But hurry I have to push!"

With everyone in position, Karen was instructed to push. After several attempts at pushing, the first sight was long, curly black hair. Karen yelled and pushed more, delivering the shoulders, then the rest of the baby. Suzy helped Carol guide the baby out.

"You have a very beautiful baby girl! Congratulations!" Carol said, and instructed Suzy first on cutting the umbilical cord.

"Rose Elizabeth Hanson," whispered Karen.

"Oh, Karen, you named her after me?"

"Yes, my mother's first name and your middle name, the two most important women in my life."

Suzy kissed Karen and Jim. They watched the nurse come over with the baby, holding her to meet her mother. But soon, Karen had to push.

"Okay, Karen, just like last time. Push when you're ready, but not too hard. I don't want you tearing."

Jim and Suzy saw another head of dark curly hair. Jim helped his baby come into the world. The babies looked identical.

"Jim, cut the umbilical cord on your strong, healthy baby boy!"

Jim cut the cord, surprised he could see through all the tears.

"James Robert Hanson," whispered Karen, "after Jim and his father."

The nurses brought both babies over to Karen, and as she held them she showered them with soft kisses, right along with Jim.

A family... I have a family!

∞ ∞ ∞ ∞

Jim had Karen put in a luxury suite at the hospital. It was a large, private room, and he had gotten permission to stay the night with her. He already had a camera and tons of film in the bag he had packed. And when the babies were brought in, Jim and Karen would alternate. Suzy always came by after work and for lunch, and then Jim would go down to the cafeteria.

"I'm still pretty sore."

"Most of that is from stitches and bruising. The doctor said you tore some. And delivering twins is quite a feat!"

"Suzy, thank you for being there."

"I wouldn't have missed it for the world, kiddo."

The nurse arrived with two beautiful, fussing infants. Karen put Rose to her breast while Suzy strolled with baby Jimmy around the room. Rose cried, and then Jimmy cried. Rose quieted for a second, and then Jimmy started crying louder. So Rose joined in.

Karen sighed. "Suz, how am I going to do this?"

"The trick to breast feeding is to not get frustrated, sweetheart. It will be easier when your milk comes in."

"But two at one time? What if I do a horrible job?"

"You won't do a horrible job. You are a wonderful mother."

"Okay, so what can I do to make them stop crying like this?"

Suzy helped position Rose so she could suckle better. Jimmy settled down and fell asleep.

"Suzy, look how beautiful she is. Her cheeks are so pink, just like my mother's."

"Karen, she's gorgeous, and she will certainly melt lots of boys' hearts growing up."

"And I'll pull those little boys' heads off," Karen said as she smiled.

Suzy giggled and took a sleeping Rose gently from Karen's arms. She placed Jimmy up against Karen's breast until he suckled.

"When I look at my two beautiful babies, I'm simply amazed that I helped make these. That they are part of me."

"Karen, you and Jim have so many beautiful times ahead of you."

"I hope I never fail them."

"Fail them? Never, but mess up? Lots. It's called parenting, honey."

"Look at him. He looks just like his sister. I hope I never mix them up."

"Hun, if you confuse a boy and a girl..."

"I know, I know." Karen laughed.

"I can't believe I get to go home tomorrow. I'm glad but I'm so scared!"

"Don't you worry your pretty head, hun, everything is going to be more than okay."

Karen and Jim were up almost constantly for the twin's first week in their home.

Spit-up, poop, eating, burping, pee, spit-up, more poop, lots of crying...I can't keep up! Karen thought while she broke down in tears once again.

"Sweetheart, don't cry, you're a wonderful mom," said Jim as he tried to comfort her.

"Then why are they crying so much?"

"Because that's what babies do."

"God, I'm so tired. Will they ever sleep all night or for more than an hour?"

"Karen, they will. I promise. I think that I'll just stay up with them tonight while you get your sleep. That's important too."

Karen buried her face in her pillow as Rose began crying from the nursery.

"Jim, do you think the kids are sick?"

"No, love, they aren't sick. Babies are just fussy. And having twins isn't easy."

Those women on television in those reality shows that have 999999 kids and still smile and have everything under control, can just bite it!

"Hi, cookie, how are you doing?"

"Hi, Suz, I'm a horrible mother. They cry all the time. I'm not sleeping. They aren't sleeping. Jim isn't sleeping. I can't think straight. Jim is staying up with the kids and he's being so wonderful, but all I feel is guilt, day in and day out. And when I fall asleep I feel guilty as hell knowing that Jim hasn't slept."

Suzy listened to Karen's frustration. She could tell she had been crying for a long time.

"Honey, be patient. Having a baby isn't easy. And having two doesn't mean it's the same thing. It isn't. It means you need more help. And, sweetheart, you really do need to sleep. Are you eating?"

"I suck at life."

Karen found Jim in the spare bedroom looking around on his first morning back to work.

"Sweetheart, we don't need to do anything to this room for a very long time. Rose and Jimmy are still infants."

"No, it's not for Rose and Jimmy, love."

"What? Honey, what are you talking about?"

"Get the door for me, sweetheart?"

"What? I didn't hear anyone."

"I did. Can you get the door for me?"

"Okay...."

Karen opened the front door and literally buried her face in Connie's shoulder and held her so tight. She couldn't even talk.

"I just thought I would come over and visit with my new niece and nephew, if it's alright."

"Oh my God, Connie..."

"Well, you got me until you decide you've had enough and you throw me out."

"Where did you come from? You are an angel!"

"Nope, I'm just a sister who loves her sister more than anything."

Jim smiled and brought Connie's luggage in and placed it in the spare bedroom.

Karen looked at Jim's face. I love you more than words.

∞ ∞ ∞ ∞

Things went a whole lot smoother with Connie there. She got up to feed the twins, as breast feeding was becoming too frustrating for Karen. She was an extra set of arms, and rarely left Karen's side. She could tell when the new mom needed her quiet time to rest. Connie was falling more and more in love with these two beautiful babies, and anything she could do to put goodness into Karen's life was a true benefit.

"What would I have done without you?"

"Called me." Connie hugged Karen closely.

"I can't kidnap you away from Randy. I feel horrible about you leaving him."

"Well, he was the one who said, 'Connie you're a great mother. Go help her out.'"

"I'm afraid you're not going to get much sleep staying in this house."

"Look, sweetheart, you need to understand that they're just infants and before you know it, you will be having conversations with them. Keep your mind on the beautiful things that are yet to come."

"Connie, did you feel like this when you had Sandy?"

"Oh, I was a wreck, and having two babies isn't anything to sneeze at. But you have to be willing to ask for and accept help. I'm here because I love you, Jim, and the babies. And besides, I'm a pretty good cook." Connie took Karen's hands and held them in hers. "Don't forget, sweetie, we made a pact remember? We never have to go through anything alone."

"I just simply love you, Connie."

"Back at ya, kiddo."

28

Karen and Jim finally got a routine down for taking care of the twins. Rose and Jimmy were growing so fast, and Karen was in awe of Jim and how close he was to his children. The year the twins turned two, Karen got to work on an idea for a combined Father's Day and Birthday party for Jim. It would be a surprise cookout in the field of wildflowers. She wanted it to be a huge surprise. He had taken her and the twins to a nice restaurant and had helped Rose and Jimmy make her craft projects for Mother's Day. She was served breakfast in bed and was so happy.

She would buy a big grill for the cookout and store it at Suzy's. Mike could lift it so they wouldn't need to ask for any help. She wanted to invite some of Jim's other friends, and she knew that he kept their numbers in his wallet. Karen needed to make sure they could keep a secret.

On the folded sheet of paper she read "Max, Walter, Rodney," before a smaller piece of paper fell out. "Marissa." She read the number and message. "I can't wait to see you in Ohio, what a great surprise!" Then her number was listed.

Don't Panic. Jim isn't like this.

Karen looked the area code up. England! She sat on her bed and began to feel her stomach turning over. She reached for the phone.

"Hey, Suzy."

"Hi, love, how's my girl doing?"

"I'm doing alright. Do you think you could watch Rose and Jimmy this morning?"

"Sure I can. Is everything okay?"

"Yeah I just have a few errands to run, and I'd rather not cart them around in the rain."

"It definitely looks like a good rain is coming. You can bring them over anytime, hun."

"Thanks, Suz, you're a gem."

She had to get over to the work site and get Jim's laptop and cell phone somehow.

Just stop it!

But Karen couldn't. She called Jim and asked him if she could use his laptop.

"Sure, babe, I don't need it anymore today, so you can just take it home if you'd like."

"Okay, thanks Jim. I'll drive over and pick it up."

You are acting like a teenager!

Karen walked over to Jim's truck and climbed up into the driver's seat. Jim couldn't see her. As quick as she could, she checked the visors, the console, and glove box. A small note was in the glove box.

"Meet Marissa, hotel lobby, May 30th @ 2pm."

Getting out of the truck with Jim's laptop, she headed over to where he was standing and asked to use his phone.

"Hun, take it over by the truck, it's going to get really loud over here in about a minute."

Climbing back in Jim's truck, she checked his numbers. There it was, "MR," then the number. Leaving his laptop and phone in the truck, Karen left with her mind spinning, even forgetting to say goodbye to Jim.

Driving home as quickly as she could, she flew to her computer and looked up their cell phone bill. Sixteen calls to her and fourteen from her over a three week period last month.

God knows how many this month.

Shaking, she lay back on the bed, but had to practically jump out of it.

Our bed...

Looking at the desk calendar, she counted thirteen more days until he was to meet this woman.

Dragging the file cabinet closer to the chair, she pulled out bank statements and credit card receipts showing dinner at expensive restaurants, and roses.

He didn't take me to these places and I never got flowers from this florist! She's been here!

Karen checked the accounts. She pulled out the statements from April. Thousands and thousands of dollars were pulled out.

What is he doing??

Karen ran to the bathroom and vomited. She hadn't realized how long she'd been sitting there. The phone rang.

"Hi, sweetheart, do you want me to pick up a pizza for dinner tonight?"

What else did you pick up!

"Sure, that sounds good."

"Are you feeling okay?"

"Just tired."

"Okay, I'll see you in about an hour and I'll give you a nice massage."

Like hell you will!

There didn't seem to be much conversation during dinner other than chatter from the twins. After their baths, they put Jimmy and Rose to bed and went to the living room.

"Karen, is something wrong?"

"No. But I was thinking about something. Let's go away together, say the end of this month?"

"I'd really love to, but I have to go out of town that weekend. It's a work thing."

"Can I go?"

"No, I think you'd get pretty bored."

For the next week and a half, Karen tried to stay up until she knew that Jim would be asleep. They didn't talk very much because Karen tried to either be gone or stay as busy as possible. She was also losing weight.

"Okay, kiddo. Something's up. You're getting thinner. Is everything alright?"

"Yes, Suzy, I'm fine. Just tired is all."

Suzy stared at Karen's serious expression.

"Do you think I'm ugly?"

"Okay, now I know something's wrong..."

"No, I think the twins just have me exhausted."

"Well, if you need to talk about anything, babes, I'm here for you."

∞ ∞ ∞ ∞

As Jim showered and got ready to leave for Ohio, Karen sat on the bed and watched him; shaving, fixing his hair...cologne!

Jim bent down to kiss Karen and she just offered a small peck on his lips and faked a hug.

"I'll be back before you know it. I'm going to miss my sweet wife."

Running back to the phone Karen called the bank. Another two thousand dollars was missing from the accounts.

It was one of the longest weekends of Karen's life, especially after Jim called her.

"Hi, hun, just letting you know that I made it okay, loveyougottago..."

She must have walked in the room.

Karen tried to call Jim on two occasions, and he didn't pick up his phone or call her back. Jim came home a day late and even had dinner at an expensive restaurant before arriving home. She spent her weekend crying and not really eating. Jim's party was in less than three weeks. She already informed Suzy of the party, so she couldn't back out now.

Jim was never where he said he was going to be when he got home. It was all one lie after the next. Sometimes he was gone before she even woke up in the mornings. Often he came home when the twins were already in bed.

I should just ask him. I couldn't stand to be lied to anymore and that's exactly what he'd do.

The guests had all confirmed by phone that they'd be coming to the party. She would get there around two with Suzy and Mike and get the grill set up. Mike said he'd handle the picnic table rental.

The Saturday morning of Jim's party, he approached her as she was dressing the twins.

"Do you think that Suzy could watch Rose and Jimmy so you and I can go some place and talk today?"

"It will have to wait until tonight, I have plans this afternoon and I'll need your help. Is that okay?"

Disappointed, Jim nodded his head.

Oh God, he's leaving me!

Around eleven, Suzy called to let Karen know that they already had things set up and to just bring Jim at two for the party. Karen was getting sicker by the second.

When Karen pulled up to the field with Jim, her heart sank. There was a playground area, benches, and someone even planted a border of rosebushes for privacy.

"Jim, I haven't been here for a while. It looks like someone is developing this property into a park. This is breaking my heart! My mother is here!"

"It's fine, love, it doesn't seem like anyone is guarding it. What did you need help with?"

"Come on out here, I'll show you." Karen knew that everyone parked their cars up the street and would be coming out of the wooded area to surprise him.

The same place I walked from when you married me!

Right on time, everyone came out and yelled 'surprise' to Jim and sang Happy Birthday. Karen forced a smile, knowing he would leave her soon. Jim was totally surprised. He bent down, hugged and kissed Karen, then thanked all of his friends.

After chatting with everyone for a while, Jim stepped away from Karen, made a phone call, then quickly hung up mid sentence when she got close.

"Who was that?"

"Just a friend."

Karen let the tears slowly roll down her cheeks.

Jim took her by the hand and walked back up towards the road. In front of the field was a sign. "Rose Park." Jim bent down and kissed her.

"Someone named Rose owns this?" Karen felt her heart falling even more as everyone began approaching them.

"No, baby, Karen owns it."

"Karen? What? Me??"

"I have a friend I want you to meet."

Walking towards them was a beautiful woman in her sixties at least. She approached Karen first and hugged her, then kissed both of her cheeks, and did the same to Jim.

"It's a pleasure to finally meet you, Karen," Marissa said in a beautiful English accent.

"I don't understand, Jim."

"Karen, I wanted to build a play area here for our children so your mom could watch them play and grow, and they would always know how important she was. But to do that, I had to get permission from the land owner. Marissa owned it. She lives in England, and the land once belonged to her father. She has relatives in Ohio, so she agreed to meet me so I could buy the land from her. That's where I went. I had the sign made and I built the playground. I put benches in, one of them is down by the lake near your mother. I paid her cash for the land and after hearing some things about you, she agreed to accept the cash in a lump sum, at a much lower price. I have something else for you."

Marissa handed Jim a small box. Inside was a beautiful mother's ring, uniquely designed with diamonds and the twin's birthstones, which he slipped on Karen's finger.

"Marissa is a jeweler, and she helped me design this for you. I planted all the yellow rose bushes myself and did all the rest of the work. I wanted my kids and my wife to have a beautiful place to come to. I didn't have time for the next project because it took a while for Marissa to be able to come to the states. But I'm putting a gazebo in soon for you, right over there."

Karen turned to Suzy, "Did you know about this?"

"Yes, and so did they."

Walking up to the field were Connie and Randy.

Karen began to bawl and threw her arms around Jim, then ran into Connie's arms.

Marissa stayed for about an hour, then left to catch a flight back to England. The cookout was full of laughter, fun, and lots of love. Jim was also grateful for the cookout and the celebration that Karen had planned. It was indeed special and a great surprise, as Suzy never let him know about any of it.

Back home that night, Karen turned on her side in bed and faced Jim.

"I thought you were having an affair with some woman named Marissa and that you were leaving me tonight." Karen's eyes began to water.

"Baby, I would never leave you and my children."

"I went snooping and got the wrong idea."

"Well, obviously I am horrible at hiding things and just so you know, you are always welcome to check anything I have. I've been working on this for a few months. But, love, the next time you are troubled by something, you just talk to me about it."

"I still can't believe that you bought that land for me. You made such a beautiful place for us."

"There wasn't any way I was going to allow some land developer to buy it and dig it all up. She was getting ready to put it on the market."

"You are amazing."

"No, just very happily married."

The wildflowers were in full bloom when Jim and a few buddies from work put the gazebo up. Jim, Karen, Mike, and Suzy went out to the park often. Rose and Jimmy loved to play there. Connie came up two more times that summer to visit everyone, and she was so in love with the twins. She couldn't seem to get enough of them.

"You know, Connie, if you would have told me way back while we were sitting on your sofa reading that article, that we would be where we are today, I'd have said you were crazy. Everything is so beautiful now, so full of life and hope. Our troubles are all behind us, and we came out on top as pretty strong women."

"Good things happen to good people, which I'm not sure I used to believe in that," Connie said as she put her arm around Suzy.

"Well, you are indeed good."

"...In bed?" Both women began laughing, but quietly realized how much they had saved each other.

29

The following winter, with five inches of fresh snow on the ground, blue skies and mild temperatures, Karen decided to take Jimmy and Rose outside to play in the snow and make a snowman. The kids were laughing so hard, Karen couldn't help but laugh along with them. Finding the perfect place to build the snowman wouldn't be too difficult.

As she approached the side of the house she noticed a large set of boot prints. They were too big to belong to Jim. There aren't meters over here...She knew that the tracks were made this morning, as the snow stopped when Jim was leaving for work at six. The boot prints led right up to the large front window, then moved back and forth along the window length. She followed the tracks with her eyes as they led right back down to the driveway. There were no other tire tracks visible besides Jim's.

She played with the twins, trying not to let the foot prints bother her. The snowman was decorated with one of Jim's old hats, a scarf, a carrot nose, and button eyes. Karen had the kids stand next to it and took some pictures. Jimmy and Rose were all bundled up and practically falling over while holding their toy snow shovels. They were full of laughter.

She heard sticks snapping in the brush. Trying not to alarm the twins, she picked them up and headed in the house, locking the door behind her. It must be a deer. Karen made the kids some lunch and then tucked them in for a nap. She didn't want to alarm Jim, who would come flying home, but at the same time she needed to put her mind at ease. She called Suzy, knowing that she'd help her to stop worrying.

"Keep your door locked. I'm on my way over. Stay away from the windows. Don't open it for anyone other than me or Jim."

Well, it wasn't exactly what Karen wanted, but she did as Suzy instructed. She put a pot of coffee on and tried to do some small tasks to keep her mind occupied, but it was fruitless. Karen was becoming petrified, hearing all kinds of things in her mind and envisioning Martin coming after her.

Suzy knocked on the door and Karen peeked through the curtains before letting her in.

"Karen, I looked at the foot prints. They are where you said they were. But how many paths did you see leading to and from it?"

"I saw one set leading to the window, some footprints that went back and forth in front of it, then one set leading away and disappearing down the driveway."

"I saw another set of foot prints which must have just happened. Could you show me where you heard that snapping sound?"

Karen took Suzy to the window and pointed behind the snowman. "Over there, behind the snowman. I was taking pictures and heard the sticks snapping."

"Did you see anything?"

"No, I wasn't really looking. I was paying attention to the kids. After I heard it I took them inside."

"I'm going to call Jim."

"What if it's nothing?"

"Karen, we need to check this out. You are pretty much in the middle of nowhere."

Jim arrived home in a half hour and viewed the prints from a distance so he wouldn't disturb the snow. He immediately phoned the police. The police took an hour but he was grateful that one of the officers knew Karen and her history. The police checked the area around the house and in the woods, and also took photographs and dusted the window.

Shelly walked inside, hugged Karen, then asked to see the photographs.

"You want to see the twins?"

"Yes and no. If you heard the sticks breaking behind the twins, it's possible you picked up something in the photos."

Karen printed out the high quality photos and handed them to Shelly.

"I need to take these two photos outside with me for a minute." She walked out the door and Jim went right behind her.

"Jim, do you see this?" Shelly pointed to a dark place on the photos.

"Yeah, but I don't see it now."

"Someone was there. Hold these a second." Shelly carefully walked back to the brush. She saw boot prints that matched the others and a place where it looked like someone was kneeling.

"Okay, this isn't good," said Jim nervously.

"No, it isn't. You are going to have to convince Karen to go to Suzy's for a bit. Martin is in prison, which is the first thing I checked, but it isn't uncommon for inmates to get people on the outside to do their dirty work. We'll put surveillance on the house. You can leave with Karen or stay and continue to come and go as normal."

"Okay, I can get Karen and the kids out, she won't mind. When can you set up some surveillance?"

"We'll set it up tomorrow."

Karen was more than happy to leave, but feared for Jim. After much reassurance she felt that her husband would probably be safe.

Jim woke up at eight the next morning, ate breakfast, and was out the door to his first appointment at nine. Going down the first step from the door, he stopped instantly. With a very pale face, Jim called Shelly.

"You need to see this, like yesterday."

Shelly arrived and looked down toward Jim's boots on the step by the back door. "We have a big problem, Jim, and it has nothing to do with a peeping tom."

Shelly walked back to her car and took out her camera. She carefully photographed the boy and girl dolls with their arms and heads pulled off.

"You need to pack some clothes and not be here either."

"This is Martin, isn't it?"

"I'm not sure, Jim, but there is one sick individual behind this."

"Are they safe at Suzy's?"

"I'll keep a car there."

Karen wanted to go to the store and pick up some groceries for the twins. She had plenty of free time as she only worked a few hours here and there at the salon. Shelly had to tell her what was on the porch.

"Martin is doing this!"

"Not Martin directly, he's still in a cell. We are checking out his mail, visitors, phone calls; no stone is being left unturned." Since she had been promoted to detective last year, Shelly would definitely be heading this investigation.

The next morning Shelly called Karen and asked if she knew anyone named Lawrence Bradley.

"No, I've never heard of that name before."

"Did you know the names of all of Martin's friends?"

"No, some of them had nicknames."

"Okay, I'll bring a photo by. He has been having contact with Martin. I'm sure everything is in code, and Martin is having another inmate send mail for him.

Shelly produced the photo and Karen recognized him. "That's Rooster. I don't know why he's called that, but Martin always called him Rooster. He's crazy and very mean."

"Why do you say that?"

"This one night, Martin brought him in the apartment. This Rooster guy slapped me on the behind and tried to kiss me. Martin laughed at him. He kept pushing me into the counters and even grabbed the back of my hair. He held me like that for a minute while he breathed in my face. He was drunk."

"We're getting a search warrant for his house. In the meantime you and the kids stay out of sight, don't go outside for any reason." Shelly had her suspicions. Lawrence had recently relocated up north.

Jim moved to Suzy's with Karen and the twins. Mike would be there as well. Jim was not about to let anything happen to his wife and his kids, and neither was Shelly, who believed that if anyone deserved a happy life, it was Karen.

Martin was put in administrative segregation for swinging at a guard when he was questioned. All phone, mail, and visitor privileges were revoked, and contact from any other inmate wasn't going to happen. Martin was making his life pretty comfortable in general population by terrorizing and hurting other inmates. He was very unhappy about being controlled. It would cause him to lose his status amongst the general population.

The search on Lawrence Bradley's trailer turned up nothing involving Karen, but he did seem to have a child pornography problem. Lawrence was arrested.

"Well, if it was him the problem should stop," Shelly explained.

"So, what are we supposed to do in the meantime? Stay hidden?!" Karen was infuriated.

Being cut by knives and daggers without them even touching your skin...

"The prison has ways of encouraging Martin to talk. I think that's the only way we're going to find out who all is behind this. We can persuade Lawrence to talk as well."

"I will never be free from him and my family will never be safe!" Karen buried her face in her hands while Jim held her.

Martin refused to have an attorney present when questioned. He just laughed. But by the third hour he was getting angry. He was still refusing to talk. Martin went back in isolation.

On the fourth day in a row of attempts to talk to Martin, the guards had to drag him out to come and speak to Shelly and her partner.

Martin spit on Shelly.

More charges accrued for him and he was put back in isolation.

∞ ∞ ∞ ∞

For two weeks nothing had happened to Karen. Shelly agreed to let Jim escort her to the store to pick up some Christmas gifts for Rose and Jimmy. Jim went out of the store to pull the truck up for Karen. The tires had been slashed, the windows had been busted, and the toy snow shovels from Karen and Jim's yard were lying on the hood.

Jim bolted back to the store to get Karen away from the door and back inside. He called the police as Karen shook with terror.

No one noticed anything at the busy toy store. Shelly was convinced that this person or persons worked quickly and were gone just as fast. She was waiting for security to unwind the surveillance camera film of the parking lot. The tape showed two men approaching quickly in an older Impala and neither of their faces or skin could be seen. But the license plate number was in clear view.

Fred and Daryl Bradley, Lawrence's brothers, also worked for Martin at his construction business. Fred was picked up quickly but Daryl tried to flee and was caught the next morning at a bus station. At first they both denied involvement. But after they had all the charges pressed against them, they both broke down and blamed everything on Martin and an inmate named Mike Sellers, who was also serving life. He was handling mail for Martin. When his cell was searched they found letters from Daryl, Fred, and Lawrence, and notes from Martin.

After Shelly got done with them all, Martin blamed everything on Lawrence and Mike Sellers, and made it known that he would make sure "the bitch died" one way or the other. Mike Sellers had charges filed against him and was placed in administrative segregation. All of his privileges were revoked.

Martin's confession awarded him a spot back out in general population where his status had hugely plummeted. He was now known as a narc.

∞ ∞ ∞ ∞

At two in the morning on Christmas day, Martin was found beaten and stabbed to death in his cell.

Shelly couldn't fall back to sleep after that phone call informing her of the death of Martin, and really couldn't stand the thought of waiting until daylight. She knew that Karen would be awake and in total fear.

"He's dead?"

"Yes, Karen. Martin is dead. He can never again bring you harm."

"Shelly, you just gave me the happiest news of my life." Karen let out long sobs while Shelly tried to comfort her through her own tears.

"You get some comforting sleep now, hun. You don't have to worry about anything anymore, and you can go back to your home whenever you want."

"You have a great Christmas, Shelly, and thank you for everything. You gave me the best gift. Finally I'm completely free!"

"Sleep tight, Karen, and I hope you and your family have a Merry Christmas."

"Wait, Shelly?"

"Yes?"

"Are you doing anything for Christmas?"

"I was thinking about renting a couple of movies and just having a relaxing day off."

"Great, I'll see you around seven for breakfast and you can put up with us crazy folk for the day!"

Shelly listened to the dial tone as a big smile spread across her face.

Everyone went back to Jim and Karen's house. They had a wonderful Christmas morning, especially watching the twins open their gifts.

That night as they sat around the fireplace, Karen got up and went to the other room. She came out with a very large file, and page by page she let the sheets burn to ashes. Everyone knew what they were. Everyone knew why she had to do it.

This is my home, Martin. You don't belong here.

When the last piece of paper that contained Martin's name burned, Karen called Connie and Randy and put them on speaker phone. She lifted up her wine glass and stood. She stared in everyone's eyes, even Shelly's. Suzy stood up and held her hand while Mike held Suzy's. Pretty soon a circle had formed.

"To my greatest friends, my knights in shining armor, my life lines, my sisters, my perfect husband, and my children... here's to another year of loving you all. Thank you for being my family."

"I love you, kiddo," Suzy said as she held Karen's face.

"I love you guys and miss you like crazy!" said Connie.

After everyone left, Jim and Karen peeked in on the twins, then went to bed themselves. Karen had the best sleep of her life.

30

She sits on one of her beautiful kitchen stools, gazing out the window. The lake she looks upon is one of the most beautiful pieces of black glass that she has ever seen. The trees seem to be reflecting in this mirror a perfect kind of beauty and symmetry, as if painting the exact picture of Connie Hiller's life, or at least inviting her to be a part of it. She couldn't look for too long. Connie knew she had to leave this morning if she was going to get to her destination on time.

Walking through her beautiful house, she took one last look in her lovely bathroom mirror, picked up her luggage, and kissed her doting husband goodbye.

"Drive careful, my sweetheart. Call me if you need anything. Are you sure you don't want me to go?"

"I'll be okay, Randy. This is something I need to do. I love you and I'll see you in a few days." She bent down for a passionate kiss from her husband, then headed out the door."

Driving through Gaylord, Connie smiled at a certain exit, then looked in her rear view mirror and winked at a site that she loved. Her cute red hair and her perfectly applied makeup made her shine inside.

Crossing the Mackinaw Bridge, she gazed out on the water and nodded approval at the burial ground for Karen's wedding band.

The leaves were so beautiful, so full of color, and she couldn't help but notice the light yellow cashmere sweater she was wearing. The diamond earrings that Randy had given her for her birthday sparkled in the sun. She felt like she was part of this elaborate rainbow that nature made. Her canvas had all sorts of beautiful colors on it and she couldn't help but accelerate a little.

Stopping at the motel, the same room number was available so she took it. Opening her suitcase and picking out her baby blue silk pajamas made her stare at the bed for a bit. She remembers the two drab, spineless piles of clothes that she and her best friend had stared at when they summed up their lives in less than five minutes. Connie slept like a baby.

Pulling into the busy salon parking lot, Sisters had become one of the favorites in the area. The yellow rose shone from the angel on the sign. Connie stared at it for a little while and remembered the beaten, small, frightened girl with the name tag that read "Karen."

Walking in, she had to smile as Karen and Suzy stared in disbelief at their sight. Both were at the desk checking on appointments when Connie walked in.

"Oh my God," Suzy said while running at Connie.

"Connie..." Karen began to choke up as she ran behind Suzy.

"Hey, guys!"

After lots of tears and hugs, Connie kidnapped them both. Hopping in Suzy's Jeep, they headed towards a particular café on the lake.

∞ ∞ ∞ ∞

"I remember the first time we came here," Karen began. "It's been a long time since we all ran."

"Today marks the fifth year since then," Connie smiled as she reminded them.

"You know, you're right. You guys saved my life..."

"No, Suzy, we saved each other's lives. We were all drowning," Karen replied with a smile and a loving squeeze from her hand.

"Linda Hopstat and her words will forever live in my mind and in my heart." After Connie said this there was some silence, each of them in deep thought.

"I will never forget. She, as well as the whole room, gave me the courage and strength to say those things to Martin."

"We were so proud of you," Suzy said as she brushed her palm on Karen's cheek.

"Our lives have changed so much..." Karen looked at both of their faces and smiled.

"I don't think I can say it like that," began Connie. "It wasn't like my life changed, it was as if I just received one. Like I came out of a shell and realized I never had a life. I thought it was normal. You get married, you have a kid, and you get this place you just sort of hover in. But I never noticed it until my daughter moved away. I think I was conditioned to just say 'everything is fine.' I didn't realize just how bad things were until the year Sandy was gone, when I was forced to look at my own life instead of living through hers. There was nothing but emptiness and pain."

"Yeah, I felt like that when Brenda left too. I had been dying inside little by little for our whole marriage. Not being fancy enough to take out on the town, but too plain to be worth anything different." Suzy looked down at her hands.

"He was cheating on you, cookie. You're a beautiful woman, Suzy. He was a horrible person. Randy never cheated on me. You can't cheat on your maid, and that's what I felt like I was."

"Connie?" asked Karen with a worried face, "Is he still good to you now? I mean, if he wasn't you wouldn't be all full of pride and stuff and keep that from us, would you?"

"Randy has become the man I fell in love with, and maybe even better. I've never been happier. I do know that if I wouldn't have left...I don't know, I was just breaking and ready to crumble into nothing."

"I thought Martin scarred me for life. It's amazing how it's possible to completely heal from that. Yes, it's changed me, but I don't hurt anymore because of it. Allowing Martin to continue to hurt me would keep me his victim, keep me inside the cell he had me imprisoned in. But I couldn't have escaped that, healed, and given myself a second chance at a happy life without you guys."

"I know this is going to sound horrible," Suzy began as she played with the paper that covered her straw. "When Blake killed himself, I felt relieved. I think if he would have lived I wouldn't have this life I live now. I think I would have stayed angry and hurt. All of his 'girlfriends' would have just eaten away at me. I was pretty weak.

"The only real compliment that Blake gave to me was that I was this 'natural' kind of woman. It was all I had, so I ran with that and held onto it. That is how I allowed myself to become a pile of nothingness. Maybe I could have gotten over it. One thing I do know for sure is that I got this far because of you two. You guys made me rediscover the beauty that was within me all along."

"I understand what you mean, Suzy. When Martin died," Karen paused, "there was a relief. That's when I finally felt that I did win. While he was still in prison, a part of me felt like he still owned me, but I kept that inside. I still had nightmares of the beatings. I still searched for evidence of the marks he put on my body. I felt that no matter where I went, I took him with me as if I was tattooed. There is nothing greater than that complete feeling of freedom. I look at my two beautiful children and my wonderful husband, and I feel so grateful.

"It also opened my eyes. I didn't have any friends. I used to, but when Martin came along he made me so happy I just didn't feel like I lacked anything. So my friends left. Or should I say, I alienated them. All of this was such a painful lesson to learn, but I'm glad I did."

"Randy still apologizes to me for how he acted. At first I was afraid that he would fall back into the old Randy. But he hasn't. I get new surprises, and not just material things. This past summer I woke up to rose petals leaving the bedroom in a trail. I followed them to the deck where Randy had beautiful music playing, and he asked me to dance. We sat out there for a while too. He brought me my coffee and just held my hand and talked. But stuff like that happens so much now." Connie smiled and continued.

"At first I thought that this would all get old for him, that I wasn't enough to be the center of anything. That maybe he was doing this just to get me back and have a caretaker. But I had to change also. I learned not to depend on him for my happiness. Relearning that wasn't easy for me. I actually gave him that job back in high school. But you guys helped me see and believe that I was more than just a mother, a wife, and a caretaker. I was worth celebrating. When you quit loving yourself, you stop taking care of yourself. That shows that you're not important, so why should anyone else think you are? Money may make things easier, but it costs nothing to show someone that they're important and you love them. You use things and people as crutches to get by. I used motherhood. As long as I had an important role in the family, I could forget that other areas had died." Connie looked at her hands.

"Sandy was always so appreciative and loving, so I dove right into her life. That didn't make me a very good teacher. What I taught her was how to be a good mother, not how to be an important person to herself. I showed Sandy that it's okay to be mistreated by your husband. It was always mother and daughter, but never the family as a whole. He was always busy. She wasn't witness to any affection from Randy towards me, and that's sad. I have since talked to her about it. But most importantly, Randy talked to her and didn't sugar coat anything. We're going to Europe next summer to visit her."

"Do you think Sandy knew what was going on?" Karen asked.

"I thought things were hidden pretty well and that I was good at making excuses for him. But she surprised me when she informed me that she knows her dad as her dad, but she doesn't know him as a person. She knew he worked, he golfed, he took trips, he watched television, but if she had to write an essay about her dad it would have been a short one. That devastated Randy. He calls her himself without any prompting, three to four times a week. They just sit there and chat away." Connie hadn't noticed the tear that slid down her cheek until Suzy wiped it away.

"Brenda had no idea that Blake was cheating on me." Suzy looked over at the lake. "She didn't know I was unhappy and sinking. Blake was a completely different person when he was around her, and even treated me differently if I was there with Brenda. It was a big show. But I allowed him to treat me like that and I never demanded anything different from him. I lost my voice many, many years ago. I did what he wanted me to do. I stayed neutral.

"Brenda's therapy is going good and she's finally obtained some peace and closure over her father's suicide. I think that withholding the truth from my daughter for twenty years did more harm than good. Probably her high perception of him wouldn't have exploded in her face as hard as it did. But I've learned. I know I'm worth more than that and she knows she is too."

"I stayed in that motel room we were at, Suzy, the first room we found on the way up here."

"Was it still the same, Connie?"

"Yes. It still had the same dreariness to it." Connie laughed.

"I remember when we looked at our clothes and decided to throw them all away and go buy some new things. That felt like total freedom," Suzy said as she remembered her neutral colored pile of clothes that looked just like the way she felt inside. "I will never forget dumping out my clothes and feeling like that pile was a mirror image of me."

"I remember my clothes pile also. It was drab and spineless, just like me." Connie displayed a sad smile. "When you were sleeping, Suzy, I looked over at you and felt such guilt."

"Why would you feel guilt from looking at me? You've been my foundation all my life. You have nothing to be guilty for."

"I felt like I knew in advance that you had become that pile of clothes. Remember when you said that Blake wanted you to stay colorless and neutral?"

"Yeah, he did."

"I promised you something while you were sleeping the next morning. I promised to never allow you to become beige again."

"You did?"

"Yeah, and I'll never break that promise."

"I hate that color with a passion," began Karen. "The carpet in our apartment was blood stained. The stains were actually black. Whenever I see beige carpet I remember it vividly. I hate beige and I refuse to have it in my home. Isn't that funny in a freakish kind of way?"

"Not at all, babes," said Suzy as she squeezed Karen's hand. "You have so much color and life inside of that little body and in that pretty face."

"Do you think color can define you?" asked Karen.

"I think color can describe how you feel about yourself," Connie said as she looked at the red dress Suzy was wearing and smiled at her.

"Well," began Suzy as she grinned, "I don't dress drab anymore. I let my colors that are inside of me shine through. Even if I'm cleaning the house, I wear colorful, comfortable clothes. You won't catch me dead in anything like I used to wear. I think I wore stuff like that because it hid me."

"Same with me," said Connie. "The clothes made me blend into the background."

Karen smiled, picked up her water glass, and held it high. "Here's to running to a safer, brighter, more colorful life!"

"Here's to running and finding a voice!" said a cheerful Connie.

"Here's to running from beige!" laughed Suzy.

"HERE, HERE!" they all yelled and tapped their glasses together.

The girls walked along the beach as the cool breeze washed over them. It was a sunny fall day in Michigan, with the gorgeous scenery and the beauty of friendships.

"Okay, everyone stop right here," Connie laughed as she dug in her purse and pulled out a camera. She placed it upon a rock, set the timer, and ran like hell back over to her friends. With heads together and arms around one another, Connie yelled, "Let's go fishing!"

Connie, Suzy, and Karen began to laugh as the camera took the picture in the same spot, with the same three faces, on their beach.

The picture would make its way to the last page of their photo album. "The Before and After," they lovingly wrote on the front cover. This was the photo Connie mailed to Linda Hopstat with the words "We thank you."

Connie arrived back home three days later and ran to the open and waiting arms of her husband Randy. He held her close to him and as she looked over his shoulder at the beautiful lake, she smiled.

There is nothing better than to be where I am right now.

About the author:

Terri Marie resides in Michigan with her family. She is currently working on her next novel in "The Ties That Bind Series."
