

### Forever Seventeen

### Chapter One: Welcome to my life

I sat there at the grave sight a long time after everyone else had left. It was a nice funeral with a wonderful outcome. He had known a lot of people so of course the show was great. A thousand memories came flooding back to me as I stood before that engraved tombstone. There laid my baby... the only man I ever could and ever did love. My little granddaughter Sadie came up.

"Me-maw..." She said softly.

"Yes, honey?" I replied.

"Where did Grandpa go?" She asked, innocently.

"To Heaven." I replied in my raspy and tired old voice.

"Is he gonna come back and play with me?" She asked.

"Well, one day you'll play with him. But not too soon, I hope!" I said with a chuckle.

"Can he still be my best friend?" She asked with wide, eager eyes. I pulled her onto my lap. I groaned wearily as I did. I wasn't as young as I used to be, that's for sure. I held her small body close to my old, feeble one. She sighed.

"I miss him." She said weakly. Sadie was shivering from the cold. I held her closely in my shaking arms... just like he used to do to me.

"How did you and Grandpa meet?" She asked. She wriggled out of my grip a little to turn around and face me. I stared at the engraved letters on his tombstone before answering.

"Well... that's a long story." I replied weakly.

"Yaaaay! Story time!" She cried. She looked up at me with those young, eager, innocent eyes of her's. I let my gaze wonderful from her bright eyes to the white tulips lying at his grave. I chuckled to myself as I recalled our story. What a wild one it was. What a great time we'd had those past few years. The wind blew Sadie's beautiful dark hair in the wind. She had her grandfather's hair. I stroked it back gently.

"You might be too young though." I said.

"Grandma, please!" She pleaded.

"I've been through some dark times." I protested.

"Grandmaaa! Pleeease!" She wailed. I sighed.

"Well, Sadie... it all started when I was about seventeen..." I began.

I just sat there miserably as there jeered at me. They soaked up and enjoyed my pain. Hot tears burned my eyes. Before I know it, they were sliding down my cheeks. I kept my head down trying to hide them as they continued their hurtful insults. Their words were like knives cutting deeply into my thin flesh. With every horrible name they said I got an indescribable pain in the pit of my stomach. Even my so called "friends" were laughing along. I thought they'd stand up for me. I thought this year would be different... how could I have been so stupid? I got up and left the table. I still heard them hurling insults and flinging cruel names as I walked away. I went into the bathroom and let the tears fall. I slid down the wall and crashed onto the floor. I sobbed uncontrollably. I had no friends, no life, and no one to talk to. Why was I even here? Maybe the world would be a better place if I just wasn't in it. The words they said echoed in my head.

"Oh really? You think he likes you? You think anyone would like you? Loose about fifty pounds then we'll talk."

"At least someone thinks you're pretty."

"Give up the guitar act, Sam. You're just... not quite there. It's a one in a million shot, let's be real? Could you ever be that one?"

"You're no supermodel, Sam." The words they had said were tattooed into her mind... ugly, stupid, fat, worthless, nobody wants you, nobody could ever love you, you'll never get anywhere. I had to stop thinking about it. It was just too much to handle. I was really different and I knew that. But because of my differences I was thought of as an outcast. My friends could never stand up to the cool kids. They laughed along with them when they cut me down. I wiped away the remainder of the tears falling from my face. My heart was so heavy. To top it all off, for the past year I had been suffering from a very severe case of depression. Every night when I crawled in bed and drifted off all I wanted to do was sleep... forever. I had discussed my issues with my mom, but she had no idea how bad it really was. She didn't know the thoughts I had every night. How much I hated myself and hot badly I wished I was someone else. No matter how bad it got I could never really put her pain into words. It was just... to hard to describe.

I peered in the mirror. Black mascara smudges trailed down my tired face. My trembling hands grazed her swollen, puffy eyes. My face was tear stained and red. I really didn't want to come out. Just then, Angela walked into the doorway. She took one look at me then pulled me into a giant bear hug. It felt so good to be embraced by someone for a change. She squeezed me tightly and it felt so good... to know I was loved. She pulled away from me and looked into my eyes. I couldn't look her in the eyes without crying. The tears welled up again and slid down my face.

"Hey, hey... don't be sad." Angela whispered. I tried to muffle my sobs that were stuck in my throat, but they burst out painfully

"Wh-why am I s-so d-different? I j-just w-wanna b-be like other k-kids." I stammered in between sobs.

"Different is good... different is beautiful." Angela stated with a warm smile. I shook my head and begged the tears to stop.

"Th-there's n-nothing beautiful about m-me." I whimpered.

"There's beauty in everyone, Sam. Society tells us that we have to be flawless to be beautiful... but we are beautiful because of flaws. Differences aren't to be run away from... they're to be embraced." Angel stated. My whimpers died down as Angela rocked me gently in her arms.

"Thanks, Angela." I said sincerely. I really meant it too. I don't know if I could survive without this girl.

"Anytime." She said, offering me a warm smile.

"What would I do without you?" I asked, wiping my eyes.

"Die!" Angela joked. We both laughed, but the laughter hurt because... that was probably true.

"I did try to stand up for you." Angela assured. That wasn't true. I know she could never stand up to those guys. She was brave... but not quite that brave. I actually wanted to be angry with her for not standing up, but I knew I never could be. She was the only reason I had any friends at all.

"Are you ready?" She asked, finally. I nodded hesitantly. I peered one last time at my sour looking face in the bathroom mirror. My eyes were crusty from crying and my face was swollen from all the crying. We walked arm in arm out of the bathroom. I came to a sudden stop in front of the classroom door.

"Are you ready? If you're not we can wait here until you are." Angela said. I heaved a heavy sigh that came from the very pit of my stomach.

"No... I'm ready." I said a little less enthusiastically than I expected.

"Okay." She said giving my hand a little squeeze. She opened the door and we both slowly entered. Everyone stared at me as I walked in. I kept my head down, but I could feel their eyes on me and their stares penetrating into me. The teacher didn't ask any questions.

"There's a seat for you right there, miss Baker." He said somewhat compassionately. I nodded my gratefulness and slid into the seat.

"We had an emergency." Angela said unnecessarily. The class snickered. I sank down in my chair. My stomach twisted in knots. I had a burning hate for everyone who ever said anything mean to me, but every time I thought maybe I could do something about it that little girl inside me popped out and I freaked. I actually tried speaking to the principal about it once... it only made it worse. Everyone found out it was me that ratted them out and I now had a new nickname... the snitch. I always tried standing up for myself once. I told them that they were being hypocritical in calling out my flaws when they had plenty of their own. They'd shout across the room,

"THAT'S SO HYPOCRITICAL OF YOU! OH, WOAH NOW... LET'S NOT BE A HYPOCRITE."

I pretended like I didn't hear them and I didn't care, but the words stung... really badly. I used to skip out on school because it was so bad, but then my grades dropped and now I was having to battle keeping those up as well. That was another thing. I'm dyslexic. School has always been a really big struggle for me. Some kids seem to just whiz by in school and not even give any effort and still manage a top-of-the-notch grade. Well, that's not me. I had to work... no, fight for my grades. There were so many times when I thought it would just be easier to give up and go home. Maybe I could drop out of school and go work at a burger joint or something, but one little thing always kept me going... my dreams. I dreamed of being a famous guitar player in a band. I saw myself on a stage in front of millions of people wailing away on my guitar. A smile crossed my lips just at the thought of it.

Laughter filled the room, snapping me back into attention. I looked around confused.

"But this man was a hypocrite because he put a law against violence when he was doing it himself." The teacher repeated. Once again, the class roared with laughter. Tears started welling up again. Anytime the class thought I was being dramatic they'd all cry,

"TOUCHDOWN!" They all screamed it louder as my tears hit the table.

I kept my eyes glued to my desk pretending not to have noticed...but I noticed and everyone knew that I noticed. I could hardly even pay attention in class because it was so bad. All I thought about was how cruel the bullies were and what I wished I could say to them.

I stared at the window. A little bird flew away. I was envious of that bird. I wished I was like that bird. I wished I could fly far away from this evil place. I wished I could break away.

Breaking away... that's all I ever really wanted to do in my life. But I felt like an invisible chain was permanently bound to me, dragging me deeper into my never ending ocean of dark and deep depression. My heart longed for acceptance...the ability to fit in. I was hated and despised. How could anyone ever begin to love someone like me. Someone like me... who was I anyway? I was an animal... a caged animal. No one could see the cage, no one could hear my cries, no one could feel my pain, but I could.

Finally, the bell rang shattering my thoughts. That was the sound of my sweet freedom. I darted out of the room, avoiding eye contact with anyone. I wouldn't let anyone see my face. They'd just laugh. They enjoyed my pain. They thought my tears were funny.

Whenever someone made fun of me I got this queer and awful feeling in the pit of my stomach. It was a mixture of remorse and burning anger searing in my soul. My whole body got a burning hot sensation that ran throughout it. I wasn't really one of those girls who could shake things off really easily, but... I always had to pretend that I was.

I hurried into the hallway. I passed by a pretty young girl named Izzy. You see... Izzy and I used to be best friends. We had known each other literally since birth. We used to play together in the nursery. My cell phone was full of pictures of her and I. Sometimes I scrolled through them when I missed her. It was packed full of pointless selfies, piggy back-rides, birthday parties, and sleepovers. She acted like a different person when she was away from school, but in her defense everyone did. I hated high school. Everyone acted like demon possed zombies, but when they left this morgue of a place they were actually...human. They were like real people with a heart, soul, and actual real problems! I never knew this.

One day our talking just...stopped. She started hanging out with a beautiful and popular girl named Leslie. I didn't blame her. Leslie had every boy in the school drooling over her.

She was really funny, stunningly beautiful, and insanely popular. Leslie started clinging to Izzy ever since Izzy promised to set her up with her boyfriend, Conner. You see that was the thing with Leslie... you had to have something to bound over. You couldn't just be friends, there had to be some common interest with the two of you in order for her to even consider hanging out with you. When the common interest died... so did your friendship. I hated her for that. I hated that she stole my best friend. I hated Izzy too. I hated her for leaving me. I know it's my fault a little as well. I never really made the effort to go and talk to Izzy, but then again... I had never been good at seeking people out to talk to them. Usually, people had to approach me first because I just wasn't clingy like that. It just...wasn't me. Things had changed so much in the past few years. I had lost so many friends and so many people had changed. It seemed like my life was just one big exit door that everyone was eager to run through. I felt like I had no true friends. I had spent my weekends the past few years at home... on my computer. I used to go to people's houses and go to sleepovers, but now... I was alone.

We passed by each other every day. I guess she wanted me to pretend...pretend that we had never stayed up all night talking, pretend that we had never gone to each other for every problem, pretend that we'd never gone shopping together, or gone to concerts together, or discussed boys together, but we had. It hurt so bad to see all my friends slowly snatched away from me. I could have done something... I could have fought to keep her, but something stopped me. Something inside me told me that she wasn't just my best friend. She had other friends too and what kind of a person would I be to try and stop her from befriending other people? I never wanted to be one of those friends, who acted like they owned you. Lord knows we all hate that. So... I backed off and slowly watched from a distance as my best friend became a stranger. It's a beautiful thing when two strangers become best friends, but it's the most painful thing in the world when two best friends become strangers. Someone bumped into me really hard, startling me, and shattering my thoughts.

"Sorry." I said. I looked up...it was Leslie.

"Oh, I'm sorry." She said flashing her gorgeous pearly whites at me. She was one of the only people who was actually nice to me... but I hated her. She helped me up. I stared at her flawless face and wanted to punch it as hard as I could. Why couldn't I have her luscious perfect, blonde curls or tan, clear skin? Why couldn't I be a size zero and have perfect blue eyes?

"What's your name again?" She asked, while helping me up.

"Sam." I answered a bit coldly.

"I saw you playing guitar on the stairs yesterday... you were good." She complimented. It was a big deal to get a compliment from this chic. I shrugged it off though. She meant nothing to me.

"Thanks." I said, shortly.

"See you around!" She said as she strut off. I rolled my eyes.

"What an airhead." I muttered as I pushed my way through the crowded hallway.

It was lunchtime. I dreaded lunch all day. I always sat alone. The first time it was really bad. I just sat there absolutely miserable, but I had gotten pretty used to being alone by now. I didn't like it... but I had gotten used to it. I got my lunch and set my tray down at a table far off in the corner where I usually sat. I looked around. Everyone seemed to have a clique or a place where they belonged. I had no one. It used to be I'd skip around and hang out with all sorts of varieties of friends, but when you get to high school there's no more of that. You have to choose. I sighed as I looked at everyone around me so happy. I had nowhere where I really belonged. I was an absolute outcast. Despite what you might think, I was not at all used to being an outcast. In middle school, I had loads of friends. I was actually somewhat popular. I got complimented a lot, people wanted to be around me, some people even looked up to me. Look at me now... I was nothing. I often wondered what it would be like if I died... no one would care. No one would probably even notice, I mean they all hated me anyway. I really needed some medication or something to help me cope with all this, but I just wasn't willing to go that far. I was still struggling with admitting I had a problem. So... every day I went to bed knowing I'd wake up more miserable and regretting life more than I did the day before. I put one foot in front of the other and tried my best to make my way through this crazy life I was forced to live.

It was the next to last class of the day... math. I hated math. I really stunk at it. I tried my hardest... honest I did! But my best was never enough to get the grade I desired, or my parents desired, and diffidently not the grade my teacher desired. I used to run out of class crying every day because I couldn't get it. No matter how hard I tried I could never do it. As I said earlier, I was dyslexic.

Dyslexia had really affected my life in many areas. I felt very different from the other kids in my grade. My brain just worked a lot differently and I couldn't quite comprehend things the same way that they seemed too. My mom knew I was different ever since I was about four years old. She said I was just slower at learning things and that I even colored differently than the other kids in my pre-K class. My math teacher didn't appreciate my lack of understanding when it came to math. I just don't think she quite understood me. It took me hours to grasp one simple math concept. It really upset me seeing as I was trying my best.

She always made me move whenever I talked. One time, she told me to move and I refused. I just sat there stubbornly as everyone else stared at me expectantly.

"Sam!" One boy cried. I stared at my paper stubbornly.

"Sam!" He cried again. I didn't respond.

"SAM!" He cried one last time.

"What?!" I demanded, my head shooting up.

"Move." He and his friend said in unison. I let out a loud sigh and glared at him. Stubbornly, I got my stuff and tossed in onto the table in front of me. Everyone giggled, I wanted to kill them all.

"Sam!" My teacher cried, snapping me back into attention. I was so surprised that my body

jolted forward, catapulting me out of my chair.

Everyone snickered cruelly. Great, just one other thing to be dangled over my head.

"You weren't paying attention were you? This is why your grades are slipping so badly, because you never listen to me." The teacher stated coldly. It really embarrassed me when she said things like that. I didn't want the whole class knowing I was doing poorly in class. I just stared at her.

She stared right back at me as coldly as she usually did.

"Leslie, will you please pass out the tests?" She asked.

"Of course!" Leslie said, as she cheerfully sprung out of her chair.

All the guys flirted with her when she gave them their tests. I threw up in my mouth a little as she flaunted her skinny self around.

She plopped my tests on my desk and offered me a smile. I wanted to knock those pearly whites right out of that spray-tanned snooky face.

I glanced at my test... it was another F. I was used to it by now, but it really did disappoint me secretly because back in the good days, I used to make very good grades.

I let my mind drift to how different my life was a few years ago. A few years ago, everything was nice. Everyone was friends, there was no drama, the little bit of teasing I got was playful, I made good grades, and everyone just got along. But now everything seemed like an absolute dog eat dog world. I longed to go back to when everything was different. Life was paradise back then... but the sad thing was I didn't really appreciate it. I whizzed through those years without a clue of what my high school years would be like. I was so busy living my life that I didn't step back to see how God had blessed me.

I often wished I had a time machine... I'd go back and re-live those years. I would enjoy them and cherish them while I had them. Everything was so perfect then. Everyone was friends, everyone was beautiful, no one every judged, and life was just a little ray of sunshine bursting within us all. But look at me now... I felt like anything, but sunshine. But I always pasted a smile on my face. I once heard a smile is the best makeup a girl can wear and that's so true. Beneath those smiles can hide the deepest and darkest pain imaginable. The sweetest and happiest faces always seem to tell the saddest stories. This is because we spend our lives trying so incredibly hard for happiness that we often fake it, then we miss out when we're blessed with the true happiness because we're so occupied pretending. People often said I was so happy and vibrant, but those people... they just had no idea. I was hiding. I was hiding behind this massive smile, but inside I was breaking and felt like I was slowly fading out of existence.

I didn't belong anywhere. Everywhere I went there was some sort of insecurity in the back of my mind that I couldn't seem to shake. I didn't feel like I could go on anymore. I was hated and judged every place I went... church, school, and even home sometimes. I wasn't really much good at anything either so it was easier to be picked out and judged. I remember being on various sports teams and always being the worst. I remembered how the coaches pitied me along with every other girl on the team. Those practice hours were the absolute longest of my life. I practiced so hard, but I just wasn't good enough to make it. Riding the bench became a pretty usual thing for me. It was absolutely humiliating and I simply couldn't bare to be humiliated. I didn't understand how I couch be so terrible at something I wanted so badly. I knew that there was something in this world I could do right. I know I'm good at something I just haven't found it yet.

The bell rang shattering my thoughts as if they were made of glass.

It was the last class of the day... P.E.

I hated P.E.

Every class the team captains picked teams and guess who always got picked last? Your's truly.

"Okay, Captains! Pick your team." Coach instructed.

"Mallory." One captain said.

"Casey." Another called.

"Andrea."

"Lisa."

"Lesley."

"Lilly."

"Abby."

"Angela."

"Anna."

"Jenna."

"Claire."

"Valerie."

This went on for what seemed like hours. I stood in the every front trying to make myself known, but no one noticed me. But I guess I was started to get used to it. Yet that horrible outcast feeling crept into my heart.

"Sam... I guess." I guess...wow.

I sadly walked over to their group. They could all read the pain that was clearly written on my face.

"What's wrong, Sam? Were we being hypocritical?" One girl asked with a smirk. I turned around and pretended not to hear her. She was relentless.

"We wouldn't want that! Let's all try and not be a hypocrite for Sam, okay, you guys?" She sneered. Burning anger fled throughout my soul. Everyone giggled. That was it. I was tired of being a little pushover that everyone could thrown to the ground, beat on, and step all over. I shoved her with all my might. She fell on the ground. I jumped on top of her and punched her in the face.

I felt several hands yanking on my shoulders trying to wrench me off her, but my firsts wouldn't stop flying. I grabbed her hair and tugged violently on it. Finally, someone ripped me off her. I turned to face who dare touch me during this moment of rage. It was Leslie, I cocked my hand back and slapped her with all my might. She grabbed her cheek and gawked at me. I had left a hand print on her face. I actually almost couldn't believe I had done it. She had never been anything but nice to me, but I just couldn't seem to control myself. A guy tried to come at me for hitting Leslie. It was one of the boys that told me how I ugly I was.

I thrust my elbow out nailing him in the ribs as he charged toward me. He yelped out in pain and fell to the floor. His buddy charged toward me. Again, it was a boy who hated me and continuously talked about me behind my back. He grabbed my arms, I tore from his grip and ripped away. His hands were grabbing for me again... I couldn't help it. I sank my teeth into his tender arm. He shrieked in surprise and pain. I dug my nails into him. I felt hands grabbing at me from behind. I kicked my legs violently and wriggled this way and that. I thrashed about relentlessly and tried to wrench free out of the arms. It was the P.E. coach. I retreated and stopped my helpless spazzing. Tears flowed down my face when I had realized what I had done. I wept bitterly... what had I done? The P.E. coach carried me to the office. My shoulder shrugged up and down as I sobbed. The P.E. coach and I had always been good friends. Now I had ruined her good image of me. I had ruined everything. I buried my face in my hands and I yearned for a better life. I was a monster... and boy, was I in trouble too.

Finally, my sobs died down. They had already called my mom in. I was dead. We never got along as it was. All we ever did was fight...about everything. But to be honest, I was going to let her win this battle. I really didn't want to argue about this because I knew I was wrong. But...so were they.

I sat there for what seemed like hours. Angela passed by. She looked at me like I was some sort of criminal, but I guess I kind of was. Finally, the principal called me into his office. I guess he was waiting until I stopped crying.

I sat in front of him with pure misery in my eyes. The principal could sense it, but he showed no mercy. My mother walked stood beside me stiffly, still refusing to make eye contact of any sort with me. She looked so disappointed. I hated disappointed her more than anything in the entire world. A sinking feeling bubbled up in the pit of my stomach. It was a feeling of guilt, disappointment, and depression all writhing in my stomach.

Have you ever had that feeling before? You feel like you need to grieve... like you want to scream, cry, and shut the entire world out. You just wanna sleep...forever. But you just can't. You have to get up and face the world and any consequences that may have come with it. I wanted to crawl in my bed and never come out again. I wanted to throw up once I'd come to the realization of what I'd just done. My mom set her gaze on me. She just sat there and stared with tears in her eyes.

"Are you going to say something?" I whispered.

"My baby... my precious little girl, how could you do something like this? This isn't the sweet little girl I've raised." Mom said softly. My stomach turned into a horrible knot deep inside me.

"You don't understand." I said.

"No, you don't understand... you don't understand how incredibly disappointed I am." Mom said. It kind of seemed like she was always disappointed in me. Sometimes I felt like we hated each other. But right now... I didn't hate her. I wanted to run up, hug her, and tell her how sorry I was for everything I had ever done to her. But I froze and just stood there as she tried her best not to cry.

The principal told us both to sit down. I sat down and stared at him in complete misery as he talked. I couldn't even really quite hear what he said. I was too busy drowning in my sorrow to hear a word he said. I already knew I was going to be kicked out of school. I really didn't need him confirming that.

I actually wasn't even that sorry. I usually had a very guilty conscience, but not this time. I was reminded of all the pain this evil place had brought me. I remembered very clearly sitting with my nerdy little cliche of friends and watching longingly as the popular kids laughed in one big group. I often wondered if I should go over there. I knew they might not exactly reject me at first, but they would diffidently stop all conversation and awkwardly eye me as long as I stood there. I remembered sitting there thinking how much I loathed this school and everyone in it. The part that was most painful? I saw my friends slowly sucked into their little death trap of popularity. People I that had been at my side since I was a little kid being drug away from me by some rich, snooty, popular kids who had only been at this school a few months. It hurt so badly watching my friends just... leave. I mean, do you even understand the pain of seeing someone you care about more than anything morph into a monster before your very eyes? No... you probably don't. But it is probably one of the hardest things to witness.

It's almost like someone dying. You know that they will never be there for you anymore, they won't care about you like they used to, and won't even acknowledge your existence. People often said to me, "Be kind to them and it will get better." or "Just go talk to them."

It wasn't that easy. Once they had in their minds that they hated you there was absolutely nothing you could say, do, or show them to gain their approval. Once you were hated by them you were a permanent outcast forever suppressed in their memories. I'd hear the things they would say about me behind my back, I'd see them laughing, and for the longest time I just watched it happen in front of my face. But there comes a breaking point where you have to stand up for yourself. Everyone said, "It's only a joke. Lighten up." But now look at me... broken and alone. I sat here sobbing in front of the principal. Is your joke still funny?

Chapter Two: A heart like broken glass

We were riding home. I stared at the window miserably. My mom didn't say anything. She just sat there sobbing. It broke my heart to tell you the truth, but I wasn't about to give her the impression I was affected.

"I'm so disappointed." She said. I stared at the window without saying a word.

"Say something." She demanded gruffly.

"I'm sorry." I offered without much emotion.

"I'm sick of your attitude." My mom snapped.

"I'm not having an attitude." I said through gritted teeth.

"You see this is your problem, Sam! _Everything_ I say offends you. I'm not the one who got kicked out of school for hitting some innocent girls." My mom shouted. Innocent?

"THIS IS WHY WE CAN'T TALK! YOU NEVER TAKE MY SIDE AND ALWAYS INSULT ME!" I screamed.

" _DO NOT_ RAISE YOUR VOICE AT ME!" My mom hollered. I burst into tears, sobbing uncontrollably. I just really didn't need this right now. Why couldn't we just get along? I watched out my window as we rushed down the bustling road. I wanted to drive out of here and never stop. I wanted to drive right out of California and keep going until we sank down in the ocean. I just felt like it was all over. I tried to look at the bright side... well, what bright side? Because right now there didn't seem to be much of one.

Well... I guess I did learn a little. I learned to be so incredibly careful of who you hate. Sometimes, they'll try aimlessly for your affection and do just about anything to change your mind. But other times.... they'll destroy you for it. I can't really blame them. One can only work so hard for you for so long. Be very careful because pretty soon... they'll hate you too.

Playing hard to get is never the way to go. People get tired of working for you and they'll give up. That's how this all started. They'd playfully poke fun at me and I would get offended, but one day, it just went horribly wrong. They grew up... they changed. I guess we all did a little. That change cost me years of misery and an eventual explosion. Just be very careful because you may hate them now, but try to bottle your feelings because once it's too late then there's absolutely no turning back. There's no second chances. Once they have it engraved in their mind that your their enemy there's nothing you can say, nothing you can do, no way you can look, or act to change their minds. It's just... over. Maybe it was all a pride thing. Maybe I could have been nicer to them and tried harder to make peace, but was too afraid of being rejected to even put the effort forth. I was just glad to be out of there. Even if I was accept back next year (which was next to impossible) there was no amount of money in the world that could drag me back to that place. It was going to be hard though. I still went to church there and it was still my home. It was going to be difficult going there this Sunday and having to face up to what I had done. Many of the kid's parents were regular attendants of that church. I guess I'd just spend the rest of my life trying to avoid them.

My mom parked the car in the driveway. Everything was so still and quiet. I looked at her tear stained face for a moment. There was so much pain hidden behind that thin smile she plastered on.

"Go inside." She said calmly as she offered me a very weak, fake smile. I couldn't offer a smile in return. It was simply too painful.

I slipped out of the car and darted up to my room. I plopped on my bed and whipped my guitar out. I started singing as loudly as I could and strumming until I thought my fingers would fall of or bleed to death. I sang until my voice was scratchy and hoarse. I sat on the remote and my television snapped on. It startled and I stopped singing to turn it off, but something stopped me in my tracks. My favorite boy band flashed up on the screen. They were four boys from Australia and quite attractive if I do say so myself. The face of a pretty blonde news-reporter then flashed onto the screen.

"California has gone crazy with the All4U blues. The smash-hit boy band is currently looking for a instrumental band to play the music they sing to and auditions are being held in California. The Grammy-nominated; four time VMA award winning boy band is number one in over twenty seven countries and holds the record for fastest song to reach number one on the Billboards charts. Their newest single "Light Me with Your Love" is currently number one in America as well as seventeen other countries around the world. Their world-tour kicks off at the beginning of this summer. For more information on how to audition for Josh, Hunter, Logan, and Cory visit "www.Eastsidenews.com/All4Uauditions/California. Now for Brenda Walker with the evening news."

Her face flashed off the screen. I sat there wide-eyed, not being able to comprehend what my ears had just heard. I jerked my laptop out from under my bed and wrenched it open. My fingers were trembling as I typed in the link. What if...I could be All4U's new guitar player? I tried to stay calm and not get my hopes up. I mean it was a one in a million shot right? But something inside me told me that just maybe I could be that one. My heart began beating rapidly just at the thought of it. I scrolled through the audition locations. One of the locations was a theater relatively close to my house. It was fate... it had to be. I wouldn't ask my mother though yet. It was just too soon. I tried my very best to remain calm, but this was just such a big deal that I couldn't keep my hopes from soaring. It was practicing time. I strummed and strummed and strummed. Pain shot through my fingertips and up my arms. Doubt crept into the back of my mind though. I squeezed my eyes shut and as I did the horrid memories came flashing into my mind.

The memories were like a waterfall, flooding my mind, and taking control of my body. They forced me back into that deep, dark, guilty place that I had been trying to force my way out of for so many hours. I thought of all the things said to me... fat, ugly, stupid, worthless, trash. They echoed in my mind and rang throughout me. Could anyone possibly want me? How could the biggest boy-band in the world appreciate me when my own high school piers couldn't? The question haunted me. The voices screamed discouraging things in my head. I remembered how the boys would boo when I got up in front of the class to do anything, I remembered how weird I was, and how I never really fit in, but mostly I remembered the depression I had been battling for so long. The sadness that had lingered in my heart for so long that I just couldn't seem to shake away. How could they like me? I wasn't worth their attention even if it meant they only had to give me three minutes of their time for the audition... I wasn't even worth that.

I couldn't even walk through those school doors without a wave of depression hitting me to add to the ocean of sadness that I was drowning in. How was I supposed to walk in front of the world's biggest boy band with confidence when I couldn't even walk into my own school? My life had been a series of crushed dreams, exclusion, and over-all disappointment. I was worried about myself... I really was. But I didn't dare tell anyone what I was feeling inside. I was an actress. I was forever smiling and laughing even though nothing, but pain seemed to be going on in my life.

I knew most of this I had brought on myself though. I was loud, annoying, obnoxious, rude, and selfish. I knew that. I was completely aware of those flaws without them constantly being shoved in my face, but I wanted someone to love me through those flaws. I wanted someone to love me when I was obnoxious, scream with me when I was loud, put up with me when I'm rude, and give me more even when I'm being selfish.

I pretty much shut down at every social situation. I just wanted to go home and be alone. I was used to being alone... it was where I was safe. It was where I was comfortable. I could no longer play the games at youth group and get in front of my peers because I knew the consequences would only be cruel jeering and laughter whenever I stumbled. I was completely unable to accept that I was the weird one though. Whenever I discussed school with my parents it broke me to pieces because it showed that they still thought that I was that popular, loud, bubbly girl. That girl was long gone. I was no longer that girl anymore. I didn't know how to handle it either because my mind refused to accept that fact.

I often wish that I would have tried harder. I wished I would have pursued my friends more and not let them slid through my fingers like sand. The thing was I could _feel_ them leaving. I could feel the conversations start to get more awkward and that close-knit relationship die. When relationships like that die... a part of you dies with it I believe. But I couldn't chase after them. I simply couldn't.

There was no time to grieve over any of this either. Life kept jetting forward whether I was ready to jet with it or not. Life just seemed like this constant nightmare that I couldn't awaken from. I didn't really ever go into really deep thought about why people didn't like me. I had pretty much convinced myself that I was obnoxious and just overall unlikable. To be honest, if someone did like me I wouldn't know how to handle it. If someone _loved_ me I think I'd go ballistic. When everyone around you is constantly overflowing you with the thoughts that you're not wanted the idea seems to get etched into your brain no matter how hard you deny the fact. You might even try to prove that the fact isn't a reality, but the thought remains in the back of your head and will ultimately drive you insane.

I sat and sighed as I let my mind drift. I hated when I did that. I let it drift to ever time I'd ever felt unloved or unwanted. Every time I'd be told I wasn't worth it... every night I went to bed hoping I wouldn't wake up. Or that when I woke up it would have all been a dream...my whole life, a simple dream. That I was living a purposeful and regular life. I knew this wasn't a regular life. Most teenagers weren't as sad as I was, but I still let my mind wander to these thoughts...wonder through the pain.

As I did, a very dark memory popped into my mind. I sat in math class looking at the board. Two boys in front of me kept looking back and giggling at me and my friend.

"Stop looking at me, you're creeping me out." I snapped. I usually snapped at everyone. It was just my nature to be completely honest.

"Um...no, Sam. Don't even try that. I'm pretty sure _no one_ could _ever_ look at you like that." He sneered. A burning sensation stung throughout my head and in my chest. It was as if my heart had been set ablaze by these lies. The lies seared in my mind flaming into my mind and engraving the horrible words throughout my heart, setting my heart ablaze, and plummeting my self-esteem into an abys. The words seemed to linger in the air. They echoed in my mind so loudly that I felt as if my body was being taken over. I screamed out loud. I darted to the mirror and looked at myself. My red hair was ruffled, tears streamed out of my blue eyes, and black mascara was smeared across my pale face. I screamed at the reflection I saw. I threw my shoe at the mirror. The mirror fell to the floor and shattered into millions of pieces in front of my eyes. It made a horrifying noise as the glass made contact with the floor. I peered at my distorted reflection in the shards of glass lying shattered on my floor. It was broken...just like me. But the mirror could probably be fixed or replaced. My broken pieces simply couldn't be put back together.

"Is it even worth it anymore?" I hissed bitterly at my distorted reflection. I shook my head and picked up one of the pieces. I looked at myself through the shredded piece of glass. All I saw was my eye. Even that was ugly. I threw it down on the floor. A piece of glass grazed my foot. I screamed out in pain. My mom came rushing to my room.

"Honey, are you okay? I heard something smash! What happened?" She demanded.

"My mirror fell." Was all I muttered, avoiding eye contact. She pursed her lips and nodded. She knew the mirror hadn't just fallen, she could pretty much read my every thought. Salty tears fell down my face even though I pleaded them to stop.

"It just fell?" She whispered. I nodded.

"Here, let me clean you up." She said, retrieving a first-aid kit. She wiped my tears away then bandaged my foot up. She smoothed the bandage gently with her fingertips on my cut. She was good mom... a gentle and kind one and I was really lucky to have her. I knew I didn't appreciate her enough.

"If you ever need to talk... I'm here, you know?" She asked softly. I nodded without looking at her. I could see tears starting to well up in her soft brown eyes. I bit my lip trying for tears of my own not to come streaming down my face. I knew I was hurting her.

I mean, I was her only child and I was absolute mess. Usually, when you're an only child you're wonderful to your parents and the definition of perfect. I was _so_ far from that it wasn't even funny. It broke my heart a little to think about. But I tried to shove negative thoughts like that away. She tilted my chin up.

"I love you, sweetheart." She stated. I knew she meant it too. I nodded and swallowed hard.

"I love you too." I managed to choke out. She kissed my forehead then swept up the pieces of glass. She paused at the door frame for a moment. She looked longingly back at me. Then she opened her mouth like she was going to say something, but then swift shut it and slowly trudged out. A lump formed in my throat. I tried desperately to swallow it down, but she was breaking too...right beside me. If anyone were to understand me, I knew she would. I wanted to scream 'I need you' as she walked out just to let her know I cared, but I bit my tongue. I heard her dump the shards of glass into the trashcan. I cringed as she did. I heard it smash into even smaller pieces. My hopes, my dreams, and my life all smashed with it.

I crawled into my bed and cocooned myself in the covers. That was it. There was no way I was going to that audition... I just wasn't good enough and I honestly thought I never would be.

I drifted off to sleep. I had a weird dream. It was more of a nightmare, to be honest. I was at home sitting in my room and strumming my guitar when I decided to go get a glass of water. I saw a note taped on the refrigerator. It was a note from my mother.

Sweetheart, it was just too much. I love you dearly, baby girl... but I think we both know that neither of us could continue life like this. I'm Somewhere better now where I will never have to see you cry again. I know you might not understand this and to be honest I don't know if I do either. Being your mother has had it's challenges and those challenges were always ones I thought I could handle, but I see now I was wrong. This life, this world, and seeing you hurting was all too much to handle. I love you.

-Mom

I woke up screaming bloody murder.

"MOM!" I shrieked. My eyes popped wide open. My heart was beating like a drum, my pulse was racing, and a waterfall of sweat poured off my body. My hands shook uncontrollably as I wiped the beads of sweat from my forehead. My mom burst through the door at the speed of light.

"What's wrong, baby? What is it?" My mom asked in a panicked tone.

"Y-you left me." I stuttered.

"Baby, I'm not going anywhere." My mom assured as she sat on the edge of my bed.

"P-promise?" I stammered.

"Of course, sweetie. Where would I go?" She questioned stroking back my hair.

"I'm not... too much to handle?" I asked in between short choppy breathes.

"Honey, you'll never be too much to handle. You're a good girl." She said as she took my hand in her's. She held my spazzing body close to her heart.

"Shh, it's okay. It was only a dream." She whispered. But the sobs escaped me anyway.

"I'm right here." She said rocking me back to sleep. I nodded and tried to swallow down the lump in my throat, but it didn't disappear. She kissed my forehead before laying me back down. She thought I was asleep. She waited at the door frame for a moment just watching me. I could feel her eyes boring into me.

"God, please help my poor little baby." She whispered up at the ceiling. Her voice broke when she said it. I could tell she was about to break down, she'd probably cry herself to sleep. I guess we both would. I prayed a silent prayer that God would help me too. We were a very religious family. We went to church, read the Bible, and prayed. We didn't curse, swear, or do anything inappropriate. I dressed modestly and didn't believe in drinking or smoking. But despite everything I had done for God... He just didn't seem there. I'm not quite sure how to describe it, but there was this empty void that used to be filled with joy and love. God seemed to do that to people. I can always spot a group of Christians wherever I go. There's something about them that's just magical. They smile more, they're _much_ louder, and they just seem to have this sparkle or glow about them.

I had always had a love for God, but right now my heart felt so empty. I didn't feel Him like I used to. I tried to tell my mom about it once.

"Well, if you don't feel close to God... guess who moved?" She asked.

"I did, but how do I fix it?" I questioned.

"You gotta get right. Read the Bible and don't let those praying' knees get lazy." She replied, her Alabama accent showing through as she did. I stared out the window and thought about her response. Maybe I wasn't quite right with God. Maybe I was a little bitter because of the way He had been treating me the past few years.

"You know I went through a faze when I felt that God wasn't close to me." My mom informed.

"When?" I questioned.

"When your brother left." She replied. Those words stung... they got me right in the gut. I hated my brother for leaving. He had really messed up my life by leaving. He was here then he was gone, just like that. I was in third grade and I remember coming come and all his stuff being gone. His room was completely empty. We didn't know where he was or if he was ever coming back. We gave him everything. We gave him a home, food, water, love, money, and bent our lives and schedule to fit his. We gave him absolutely _everything_ and what did we get in return? Nothing...absolutely nothing. He spit in our face and betrayed us. He took our money and ran. I could just never forgive him for that...ever. That was another reason I hated Leslie. I remember being in fourth grade and watching her riding piggy-back on her brother into the classroom. Oh, how I envied her. I longed for that. I longed for even a simple hug or an 'I love you' from him, but I knew I'd never get it. He loved a stupid bottle more than he could ever love me... and that stung. And pretty soon even "I love you" starts to feel like a lie. It was. I didn't love him. I couldn't love him. I could never love anyone or anything. My heart had been through so much pain that I believe it had gone completely cold and numb, never to love anyone or anything...ever again.

Chapter Three: Empty

I woke up in the morning with my head throbbing. I guess it had been hurting from all the screaming. My phone was buzzing beside me. I reached out to see a new message in my Imessage chat room from Angela.

Angela: Did u see???

Me: See what?

Angela: ALL4 U IS HOLDING AUDITIONS!!! :-O :) ;)

Me: I'm not going

Angela: WHAAAAAAAAAAAAT?!?! WHO R U AND WUT HAVE U DONE WITH MY BFF?

Me: They would never pick me anyway

Angela: U know that's not true. Quit lying 2 urself

Me: They would laugh

Angela" They'd be laughing at themselves 4 not finding u sooner

Me: I'll think about it

Angela: U bet u will!!!

Me: R u on ur way 2 school?

Angela: Yes :( it won't b the same without u :'(

Me: I miss u

Angela: Same here :(

Me: Im an idiot

Angela: 4 punching those jerks? I say rite on, girl! I was proud that u stood up 4 urself

Me: Yeh, but wut now?

Angela: Idk where will u go?

Me: Idk

Angela: U will figure something out. U r a smart girl. I g2g now. Class time :P

Me: Have fun

Angela: Sure

Angela has logged offline.

She believed in me... even when I couldn't seem to believe in myself. I was very lucky to have someone like her in my life. I don't guess I had ever really told her that though. I opened my laptop. All4U's image still lingered on my screen. I stared at the audition dates, then back at their flawless faces. They were very handsome young men. Going on tour with them wouldn't be half bad. I shook that ridiculous thought out of my head.

"They'd never be interested in you, Sam." I told myself out loud.

"No one could ever love you, Sam..." Those words that the boys at my school said lingered in my mind. I shook my head vigorously as if shaking the memory away with it. For some reason, a little ray of hope shone through me and gave me the feeling maybe the All4U boys weren't so shallow.

I reached for my laptop. I did something really brave that I hadn't done in quite some time. I logged into my Face Book account. I stared at the log-in page for quite some time before typing in my password and user-name. I had been very close to shutting it down many times because of the horrible things that people said. I sighed... did I really want to do this? I had to know what the opinion was on me right now. So... I logged in. I looked at my latest post. It was a selfie of me with my hair done really nice and practically flawless makeup. It was at our last school dance. I went alone... of course. But it didn't bother me. I felt beautiful that night and I had a great time with Angela. The comments on the post were enough to sicken any human being.

You're possibly the fattest, ugliest, trashiest, most despicable, rude, and downright disgraceful thing I've ever laid eyes on... and you wonder why no one likes you.

Ew. Gross... no. Why do you even try?

Do me a favor and jump off a cliff

I won't lie. The comments hurt, but somehow I managed to shrug them off. I came across a picture of me and all my old friends. My stomach tied in knots. I missed them. You see... there's a little personality flaw I've always had. I can't fight. As much as I'd like to be a warrior and fight for the ones I love I just can't. I simply don't have the guts. I guess it's easier to let them go and move on then to chase after them and have them turn you away. I just never wanted to come off clingy I guess so I just kind of watched as everything I loved slowly slipped through my fingers. I wanted to fight. I wanted to speak up. I wanted those people in my life, but... I wasn't strong enough to fight for it. Slowly, I lost touch with them all. Slowly... I watched as the ones who meant the most to me in the world became people I just used to know. The days where I used to sit at their lunch table became just distance and faded memories. My cell phone and computer were jammed full of pictures. Those pictures were now just little momentums of what used to be. They usually only came to talk to me when nobody else was around or when they were bored and had no one to talk to. They'd use me. But I just let them do it. A couple times, I really wanted to confront them of it, but I knew I never could. Even if I did they would probably only be seen with me because they felt pressured to be and I didn't want that kind of fake friendship. What killed me the most was I remember being with Izzy and a few other girls during summer camp one year. Our friend, Felicity had just moved away.

"I really regret spending all my time with Matt and his gang." Izzy sighed.

"Me too." The other girls voiced.

"That's why I didn't roll with that crowd. I hung out with people who were really important to me."

"Good call." Izzy said, patting my shoulder. She was a hypocrite. Right when school started back, she went right back to the crowd and forgot who was really important. I hated people like that. I would often check my instagram or Facebook account and see her with all her "real friends" and it broke my heart. That used to be all over her account, that used to be me laughing with her, and that used to be me always by her side.

I distinctly remember one night, we were all having a sleepover. We all sat in one bunk bed and poured our hearts out. I talked about my brother leaving and how much he broke my heart when he did. We all cried together. We were still crying when we watched the sun come up into the sky. We often talked about that moment. It was a beautiful moment that we all cherished.

"I feel so much closer to you when that happened." Izzy said, one day. I smiled at the memory.

"Me too." I stated as I linked arms with her. But was it really that special after all? I mean, it was forgotten so quickly. That moment in time was forever captured in my heart, but to them it was just a stupid hormonal moment with the "used-to-be-cool" kid. They lied. They acted like they cared about my problems... like they cared about me, but they didn't. I stroked the blurry image of the screen of me and my friends. I sighed. This is why pictures were so important to me.

I was really into photography. If I ever quit my dream of playing for a famous band, then I'd go into photography. I loved how it was a moment captured in time that lay at your fingertips. The thing about pictures is, even if the person in the picture is long gone or has changed the memory that the picture contains never changes. I stroked a fingertip gently across my computer screen when I came across a picture of Leslie and I.

"Oh, how things have changed." I scoffed to myself.

It was when we were in about fifth grade. Everyone was friends back then. Beauty, clothes, weight, and popularity didn't even seem to exist in those days. We were just two pigtailed girls kicking soccer balls in a field at recess... nothing more too it.

I'd look at pictures of people and their friends and jealousy would eat away at me. It would devour every inch of me. I longed to have a good friend that I could just sit and watch tv with. Someone that I could make fun videos with and just enjoy being around. I didn't have friends like that, but I really wish I did. I didn't really know why God had chosen me to be alone all the time. You would think after so much time being by yourself you'd get kind of used to it, but you never really do. It takes constant adjusting and coping. Sometimes I was too tired to adjust. Sometimes it felt like it would be a lot easier to give up... on everything.

I cried as I came across a picture of Izzy and I. Tears burned my eyes. My Face Book page was full of them.

" _Whatever happened to this girl? Bet you lost her like you did your brother."_

"HOW COULD YOU?!" I shrieked at the comment. It made me sick that someone would talk to me like that. But I read on.

Go hide your caveman looking self in your closet and don't bother coming out until by some miracle God manages to make you somewhat presentable.

Oh, hey that's the girl that punched out my girl. Everyone hates you. If you ever even think of coming anywhere near this school, you're dead. And I mean that. I'll shoot you down if you even consider it. If they lock me up... who cares? It'll be worth it. You hurt Leslie... I'll hurt you. Bad.

It was Leslie's boyfriend that wrote that. A sickening feeling began to well up in the pit of stomach. With trembling hands, I shut the laptop. I kinda felt like I might be sick. I went to my bathroom floor and slid down the wall. I took deep breathes trying to calm myself. I had never been threatened with my life before. Fear trickled down my spine and a feeling of sickness crawled into my stomach and burned like an ongoing flame inside me.

This was my life. I didn't even really feel like I was living anymore. I felt like I was just going through the motions. Life had no purpose or excitement to it anymore. It was just... too much. My heart beat so fast that I thought the entire world could hear it drumming inside my chest. My life was so sad, boring, and without purpose. I needed this audition. I needed something real and exciting for once in my sorry life.

"I'm doing this." I said to myself, proudly. I clicked my laptop back on, covering my eyes at first so I couldn't see all the negative comments. Then I started googling All4U and their interest. I wanted to know the kind of music and style they liked so that I could play it for them. I searched, strummed, and practiced my audition for hours. For once, I felt like I was doing something resourceful with my life instead of the depressing slump I was used to living in. I looked in the mirror for a moment. I sighed.

"I'm gonna fix you." I said to my distorted reflection. I went into my mother's room and got all her fancy makeup. I stole her hair curler as well. I curled my hair to perfection I got little individual strands and curled them. They hung loosely by my face and framed my face, making it look full and beautiful. I applied blush to my cheekbones, swiped the mascara brush over my eyelashes, grazed my lids with eyeliner then, brushed some eyeshadow lightly onto the crease and lid of my eyes. I didn't look half bad. What was more important was, I didn't feel half bad either.

I went downstairs. My mom glanced at me, then her head shot back and she looked at me again.

"What have you got yourself all fancied up for?" She asked with a smile.

"I wanna be pretty." I murmured.

"What was that, darling?" She asked.

"I said I want to be pretty." I said louder.

"But, baby... you're beaut-" She began.

"No, don't say that!" I cut her off. She looked surprised.

"Why?' She questioned, lifting an eyebrow.

"Because you're lying." I scoffed.

"Sam, you don't need to be talking that way. I don't want to hear any child of mine speaking that way." Mom corrected.

"Then, I can't be your child because I don't feel that way about myself." I said lowering my head.

"You'll always be my child.... always my baby. Even if you don't want to be." She said. I looked down.

"Mom..." I said slowly.

"Yes?" She replied.

"I want out." I said, avoiding eye contact.

"Out of where?" She questioned, putting down her cooking utensils.

"I want out of here. Out of this city, out of this town, out of this state, I just want out!" I said.

"Well... I'm sorry you feel that way, baby girl." She said softly.

"But I have a way out." I stated.

"Okay then... How do except to do that?" She questioned. I handed her the laptop. She looked at me questioningly then glanced at the screen.

"A band audition, huh?" She asked, after examining the screen for quite some time.

"Yeah." I replied.

"Well, I'm going to need some details." She stated. I filled her in on the details I had read.

"Okay." She said with a sigh.

"What do you mean?" I asked.

"I mean, okay you can go." She stated.

"ARE YOU SERIOUS?!" I cried.

"Of course I am." She said.

"I thought we'd argue about this for at least an hour." I stated.

"I'm tired of arguing with you, Sam." She admitted.

"Thank-you, thank-you, thank-you!" I cried, throwing my arms around her neck.

"You're welcome." She said with a laugh.

"You'll never know how much this means!" I squealed.

"Besides, I think it's important to always chase your dreams. Sometimes, when you reach it you might realize the distance you ran to get their wasn't as far as you had expected." My mother said.

"Woah, that's deep." I said. I gave her one last squeeze then I ran off into my room. That night, I drempt of rock-stardom and having my name beside theirs.

The next morning, I woke up early and started a new song. The title was "God heals the broken."

I sang the lyrics as loudly as I possibly could and strummed with everything in me.

"God heals the broken." I whispered to myself. I did something I hadn't done in a very long time. I knelt beside my bed and prayed.

"Dear Jesus, I really want this. I know, I know, I haven't really been very good to You. I've ignored You for the past few years, but in all do respect, Lord can you really blame me? I've kind of had everything taken from me. My friends, my pride... my brother. If you'll just give me this one chance to break away from all this pain I promise I'll be forever grateful. Please, please, _please, pleease,_ Lord. I really want this. This right here is all I've ever wanted. I'll start reading my Bible again, I'll talk to You more often, I'll go be a missionary in Africa or whatever you want! I know You have the plans for my life all mapped out and maybe this isn't Your plan... but, maybe you could switch those plans around a little bit? I've been waiting for some sort of beautiful release for quite some time and I think I might have found it. If I do this, I'll do it for you. If there ever was a moment I needed you before it's now, God. I need you now... Amen." I prayed.

It actually felt really good to talk to God. Lately God had been very distant in my life. I still went to church every Sunday, went to youth group, and prayed at the dinner table. It just wasn't quite how it used to be though, you see? I used to walk into the church and my whole face would just light up. I'd get all giddy and hyper. My friends and I would just run around the church and down the halls. The parents hardly scolded us.

They always smiled when I came running past. They thanked the Lord for a happy little girl like me. I was always known as the hyper, happy, and perky one... my, how things have changed. Now I was the outcast, the one people pitied, and the ugly one. Every time I walked through those church doors, something lit inside me, something that's very hard to describe. Sometimes the adults would tell me to pipe down, but usually I wouldn't because I was just too happy. I would absorb those moments of pure happiness, so that whenever I was upset I could just recall those moments of pure joy and the pain wouldn't be so bad. But now... church wasn't like that for me anymore. It was just void and empty now. I was empty.

Chapter Four: God heals the broken

It was about time. A week or so had passed and I had waited anxiously for this moment in my life. I stared outside the car window at the bustling streets of California. Cars whizzed past us. I was sweating like a pig and my heart thudded loudly in my chest.

"I'm scared." I whispered to my mom.

"Sweetie, you'll do fine." My mom said, patting my knee.

"I don't think this was such a good idea." I stated.

"No backing out now." Mom said, wagging a finger at me. I crossed my arms and sank down in my seat.

"What if they hate me?" I asked.

"They won't hate you." My mom said, giving me a look.

"Everyone else does." I muttered.

"Sam, if you're gonna go in with that kind of attitude-" She began.

"You're right, you're right. I can do this. I _will_ do this." I said with a deep breathe. The car ride was seemed like a lingering, tortuous eternity. Finally, the car came to a halt. I inhaled deeply before slowly sliding out of the car. There were cars absolutely everywhere I looked. The parking lot was jammed full of them. I swallowed hard and looked at all the gorgeous girls lining up. I refused to make eye contact with any of them. If I even thought they may glance at me, my head shot down. I was so intimidated and had never felt so small in my life. I didn't fit in here. That was for sure. My clothes were raggedy and saggy. Everyone else had tightly fitted jeans and flawless skin. I rubbed at the bit of acne on the side of my face and sighed.

"This was a bad idea." I whispered. Their stares seemed to penetrate into me. The line was enormous. I was swimming in a sea of people. I honestly had never before encountered this amount of nervousness. My heart was beating like a drum and thudding so loudly inside of my chest that I swore everyone present could hear it. Sweat was pouring off my body and the butterflies in my stomach wouldn't depart no matter how much I begged them to. I felt sick to my stomach as I looked around. I wiped the perspiration from my forehead. My hands began to shake visibly and my entire body was trembling. I felt paralyzed. I didn't want to move. I didn't want to talk to anyone. I didn't want anyone to talk to me. I honestly could hardly breathe.

"Dear God, calm my nerves." I whispered, looking up. It was a very simple prayer, but from the bottom of my heart I meant it. I took in slow, deep breathes.

The line was massive. Other teens pulled out their phones and began texting to pass the time. I was tempted to do the same thing, but I stopped myself. The tips of my fingers froze inside my pocket.

I dropped my phone back deep inside my pocket. I let out a heavy sigh. For a moment there, I actually forgot who I was. I forgot that if I dared to look on that phone that I knew exactly what I would see. I'd see a whole lot of repulsive things about myself that I knew my heart couldn't possibly bare... especially not at this moment. It saddened me that I couldn't even get on my phone like normal kids could. It was that bad. I drummed my fingers on the outline of my phone, deep inside my pocket. The line was ever so slowly inching forward. I hated to wait. This line was like my own little personal torture chamber. I tried to take my mind off things by watching cars stroll by. No good. I put my headphones in my ears and tried to distract myself with a little music. I nodded by head to the beat of the music and before I knew it I was completely lost in it and had tuned out everything around me. I had a tendency to do that with any kind of music. I always got lost in the melody, even when I was a little kid. That's why I knew that I was born to do this. I was born to play. The music slowly faded into nothing and the song came to an end. The line seemed to be moving much faster now. I let my eyes wander a little farther into the line just to get a little bit of an idea what I was I was up against. There was a beautiful skinny blonde figure ahead of me with nice long legs, tan skin, crystal blue eyes, and a pearly white smile. She ran a dainty hand through her straight, silky hair. Her blonde locks rested on her back perfectly and complimented her flawless complexion. She looked like something off a vogue magazine. Boys were absolutely flocking her. I often wondered what it would be like to be one of those pretty girl that all the boys seemed to like... to be perfect. I was far from it though. The boys in my school hated me and that was that. I was seventeen and had never kissed a boy, never been on a date, and never even really held a boy's hand before.

Don't get in me wrong. I am in absolutely and no way saying the physical part of a relationship is at all important, ya hear me? I actually much prefer emotional sentiment like a sweet card, a 'good night' text, or just an 'I love you' before you go out the door. I think that's much better and my opinion is very different from most girls in that matter. I'm just saying most times things like that lead to a relationship and I had not been given any signs from any boy that I had ever met that they were in the least interested in me. It was especially awkward when girls at my school would go on and on about their sweet boyfriends as I sat there uncomfortably and listened. Part of me thought that they did it on purpose. They would often ask,

"Oh so how's your man, Sam?" With a little smirk.

"I don't have a boyfriend." I would usually say timidly.

"Oh, that's just too bad." They'd reply with a little giggle.

"You'll find someone some day." They'd sneer. I was never angry at that though. Despite the way they said it I would try my very hardest to take it as encouragement best I could. Wouldn't it be lovely though? Oh, how lovely it would be to be loved. I sighed just at the word. I was the kind of girl who could spend her entire life watching rom-coms, but could never be brave enough to try it. Love... I could never try love. This old heart was much too cold to be loved anyway. I hated everyone and everything. I hated my brother for leaving, I hated my classmates for treating me horribly, I hated my "friends" for betraying me, and most of all I hated myself... for even being here.

I couldn't help but flash back one more time. It was P.E. I always got picked last. I remembered sitting there miserably as they called out teams. It really stunk that I always seemed to be the leftover that got assigned a team. Even then, the kids who got me on their team would groan when I walked shyly over to them. The only time I ever got picked even somewhat close to first was when Angela was team captain. That just showed how much of a good friends she was to me... it was really embarrassing picking a looser like me to be on your team. I didn't apply myself at all whatsoever in any of the games we played. When we played volleyball I shied away from the ball.

''GOSH! JUST HIT THE BALL YOU STINKIN' IDIOT!" They'd cry. I'd just look down awkwardly and try to pretend like I didn't hear them. They looked at me with such passionate rage and hatred. It seriously got to where I struggled with even looking at someone in the eye because I recognized the look of pure despise that lingered inside their eyes. My eyes stung with tears as I recalled the painful memory. I'd sit in P.E. staring miserably at the clock and questioning Angela what time it was. I wanted out of this prison. I was sick and tired of being left out, hated, stuck at the back of the line, and picked last. I also hated seeing my athletic, beautiful, smart, and bubbly friends shining bright while I was left in the back unnoticed. I just didn't get why I was hated so much. I mean... I was honestly practically one of the only people in the school dealing with this.

Everyone else here seemed to have a rightful place, friends they could call their own, and a fair amount of popularity. What was so wrong with me? I mean... seriously. Was I ugly? Am I fat? Am I mean? Am I annoying? WHAT DID I DO TO DESERVE THIS? I ran my hands through my red hair and tugged at it a little in frustration.

"What's so wrong with me?" I whispered bitterly. The memories seared into my mind like a hot fire. Maybe I was just awkward... maybe that's why everyone hated me. But even then couldn't I at least find some awkward friends to hang around? Even the nerds hated me. I miss doing whatever made me happy whenever I wanted to do it. I just wish I could flash back to that time when nobody had ever hurt me, or burned me, or left me out. Back when life was just a little playground and I was just another little girl playing this fun little game of life on it. Now life seemed a little more like a battlefield. You had to fight for the ones you loved and if you didn't they left you. If you weren't a warrior sustainable to the fatal blows of your enemies you made it absolutely nowhere in your life. There were many times when I laid in my bed and screamed 'why' to God. But He just didn't seem to be listening to any of my prayers recently. As much as I begged him to stop this sick madness the pain continued. It was like a fire burning inside me and I just wish someone or something would come along and try and extinguish it. It just... hurt. I just wanted to be wanted.

CHAPTER FIVE: TOUCHDOWN

Sometimes I wondered what God was thinking when He made me. I often wondered if I even had a plan at all or if I was just here to take up space and be a burden to everyone I met. I pretty much spent my entire life wishing that I was anyone but myself. I mean... what was He thinking? My life honestly seemed like an extremely cruel joke. I honestly couldn't help but question God's motives on putting me on this planet. Whenever I do get those thoughts... though it happened quite often I just tried to remember that somewhere, someday someone was going to come into my life and make me really happy. There had to be a place somewhere in this world for me and one day I promised myself that I would find it.

I was convinced that God had this place set out for all of us, a place where we are indescribably happy. I didn't know how long it would be until I finally came in contact with mine, but I was convinced it was stored away somewhere for me. There was some place down in the crazy winding road of my life that was strictly for me. I didn't know how many years it was going to be until I was able to reach it, but I knew that it had to be there...somewhere. Even if it was when I was old and gray or when I was lying on my death bed, somewhere I would find peace. I wanted to move away to be honest. I wanted to get away from everything and everyone. I just wanted to start over. The memories would still sting though. Such as, sitting at a fence and two boys coming up.

"Hi, Angela." They said.

"Hi, Sam." The other said.

"Don't say hi to her!" His friends snapped. I just sat there not saying a word.

"Sorry!" He apologized to his friends as if he had committed some horribly wicked sin.

"Bye!" They said to each individual girl except me. It stung. I sat there in silence as they stared me directly in my eyes trying to emphasize that they were ignoring me. They all stared through me as if I was invisible or something. I could never really fully come to terms that I was the outcast though. I refused to accept it. It hurt too much to accept. In my mind, I liked to pretend that I had some people would actually loved me in my life, but the thing about dreaming and pretending is eventually you have to wake up. When you do finally get out of your beautiful fantasy world and into the cold harsh reality the pain of your situation seems to multiply.

I kind of wondered if there even was such a thing as "happy endings" for looser like myself. I mean... could I possibly be Anyone's princess? I just didn't really think I was deserving of love, or fairytale, or happy every afters like most people got. A lot of times it's the typical guy-meets-girl scenario where they fall in love, get married, have kids, and grow old together. Quite frankly... I never saw myself in that position. I mean who could love me anyway-

A shout snapped me back into attention.

"Hey, you!" A man screamed, pointing his bony finger at me.

"Me?" I asked, pointing at myself. The man nodded firmly.

"Get over here!" He demanded. I quickly shuffled over to the man.

"You're next." He said gruffly.

"Oh... thanks." I said quietly.

"What's your name, sweetie?" The girl behind the desk asked.

"Sam." I replied, shyly. She smiled a really big warm smile at me.

"Okay, Sam, where are you from?" The lady asked softly.

"L.A." I replied avoiding eye contact.

"Well, good luck." She said cheerfully. I forced a smile. She grabbed my arm before I went.

"Really... I mean that." She said, ducking her head a little trying to catch my eye. I smiled and nodded.

"Thanks." I said, looking at her.

"Don't be nervous. The boys are really nice. You'll love them." She stated, giving my shoulder a pat.

"Thank-you. It means a lot." I said. It really did. It was just the little bit of encouragement I needed to do this. I guess I looked just as nervous as I felt inside. I held my head high as I went into the waiting room though, shoving the negative thoughts aside. My guitar suddenly felt like a heavy burden weighing me down as it hung from my back. The waiting room was a very tense atmosphere. A few people were chatting quietly in there, but you could pretty much hear a pen drop. I saw people come out crying. I bit down hard on my lip. It was all I could do to keep myself from screaming out loud. I watched as they called in person after person. Some came out with a huge smile on their face, holding their heads high. Others were sobbing as they walked out the door. Once I entered that door, my future would be determined. Behind that door lay my destiny. I twiddled my thumbs nervously. I had a sick feeling in the pit of my stomach. What if I got in front of them and froze? I watched as more people came out grinning from ear to ear, then more came out looking pale as a ghost. I ran my fingers through my hair. Why was I even here?

"Sam Baker." My stomach tightened. My breathe caught inside my throat. I slowly got up and walked to the door.

"Hi." I managed to squeak at the man holding the door.

"Alright, good luck." He said, before gesturing for me to enter the room. The gripped the neck of my guitar so tightly that it left deep imprints in my skin. I clutched it as if my entire existence of being depended on it. I held it tightly against my chest, trying hard to hold it with my trembling hands. My heart was thudding loudly inside my chest, the blood pumped in my veins and spurted me with energy. I looked at the four angelic looking boys sitting in front of me. Oh. My. Gosh. How... could any human... be that hot? Are they real? I was tempted to run up and touch them just to make sure.

Cory was the first I saw. He had a golden quiff and a slight smirk on his sun-kissed face. He had gorgeous pearly white teeth that were in perfect straight line. Josh was gorgeous as well he had shaggy nutmeg hair that swooped by his jade green eyes. His hair was ruffled and hidden beneath a light blue beanie that rest perfectly on his head. His pink lips were upturned in a slight smirk that got my heart skipping a bit. Logan had big brown eyes that you could practically swim in. His brown hair was slicked back nicely and he looked like a very clean-cut man. His cheeks had a gorgeous rosy color as if he had been out running all day. Hunter was beautiful. His golden locks all lay in a ruffled mass at the side of his head. It was in deep waves and even looked as if it held a little curl. It looked like it held a bit of wave to it. Something about him took my breathe away. Maybe it was his chiseled features, his tan body, or his blue-green perfect eyes that I couldn't stop staring at. But something about him gave me butterflies. His eyelashes were really long and his face looked like there wasn't a single flaw in it. I knew it was creepy to examine him so closely, but something about him captivated me. He propped his head up with his hand, making his bicep bulge and revealing his masculine build. He smiled a little and sported dimples as deep as ditches.

"Hello, love." Hunter greeted. Ooooohhhhhhh, the way he spoke! It was enough to lull a baby to sleep. I couldn't say anything. I just nodded. Gosh, what was wrong with me?

"I'm Sam." I blurted out, stupidly.

"Oh, well that was the next question we were about to ask." Josh said with a laugh. I laughed nervously too.

"What are you gonna sing, babe?" Logan asked.

"God Heals the Broken." I replied a lot less confidently than I meant to.

"Alright, go on then." Cory prompted. I started strumming my guitar lightly. I prayed that my voice wouldn't come out as shaky as I was on the inside. I nodded my head trying to feel the beat the best I could. I hugged the neck of my guitar tightly, pressing it against my chest to the point where I could scarcely breathe. I inhaled deeply before softly singing the first lyrics.

" _You used me, abused me, and laughed in my pain.."_ I began a little timidly. _" You love me, you hate me..."_ I started to feel the rhythm deep inside me. " _YOU DRIVE ME INSANE!"_ I belted. An overwhelming passion overtook my entire body.

_I believe in this MAGIC, sweet SADNESS, sickin' kind of paiiin... Maybe one day I'll take the band-aids and fix this OLD BROKEN HEART OF MIINE."_ I began to calm down a little as the song ended. My heart beat slowed and stopped thudding like a drum in my chest. _"I'll smile and I'll laugh and know that God heals the broken."_ I ended quietly. They all sat there gawking at me. Hunter's mouth was left hanging open. I had overdone it.

"Um, good job, love." Corey said.

"We'll keep in touch." Hunter said.

"Okay, thanks. Bye." I said shyly, running out of the room. I burst into tears the minute I was out of there. Could that have possibly gone any worse? I dashed into the car and flopped like a lifeless doll into the passenger seat.

"Baby, what's-" My mom began.

"Nothing!" I screamed, cutting her off. She reached over trying to touch me, but I shoved her off.

"Just drive!" I growled through clenched teeth. This was my one chance. And I blew it. It was all over now. There was no plan B. I didn't know what in the world I was going to do now or where I was going to go from here. The future was uncertain now.

I just stared out the window. I couldn't believe this. I was just so angry at myself. I grabbed my guitar case with stiff, clenched hands. My mom parked the car in the driveway. I burst through the front door, darted up the stairs, and hurled myself onto my bed. I curled up in a ball and just dared my mother to walk through that door. I didn't want to see anyone right now. I just needed to be alone. My phone beeped with a text message. I rolled over lazily and dragged the phone off my bedside table.

" _Heard you auditioned for some band. Touchdown."_ It read. As I already told you earlier, touchdown was the inside joke EVERYONE was in on. They said that every time I was seeking attention. All of a sudden, my phone blew up with text messages and notifications. They came in almost faster than I could read them.

Touchdown

Tooouuchdown

Touchdooown

TOUCHDOWN, LOOSER

TOUCHDOWN :)

TOOOUCHDOOOWN

Towndown xx

Towndown ;)

TOUCHDOWNNN x

I screamed and hurled my phone as hard as I could at the wall. I buried my face in my pillow and wept bitterly. I wept as if someone had died... in a way someone had. My dreams had died and I thought just maybe I might go with them. My mascara ran onto my pillow and left streaks all down it. I didn't care. I cried even harder. I cried until I literally had nothing left in me, every last drop of water that existed in my body had exited. Then, I just sat on my bed shaking. Unable to be angry and unable to cry. I just felt numb. I glanced down at my cracked phone that lay beside the fresh hole that I had just made in my wall. "Touchdown" messages were still flashing on the screen. Even some of my so called "friends" were in on that joke. Yes, I was attention seeking, but maybe if someone gave me the attention I truly wanted then I wouldn't be that way. The people that absolutely demand you to be completely captivated with, the ones that you can't tear your attention from I believe to be the people who truly make it places in this messed up world. Well, I used to believe that anyway. Nowadays, if you want attention your a little selfish brat who is arrogant and self-obsessed. That was anything but the truth though. I hated myself. I didn't know where or why this cruel joke began, but it had started none the less. No matter how far I tried to run I couldn't seem to get away from the cruel jokes, the taunting, the insecurity, and the laughter of my classmates. I'm done, I'm just... done.

Touchdown. Hope you scored or you won this little sick game you've forced me to be a part of for so long because I'm done playing.

CHAPTER SIX: Something special

You always wake up with that sickening feeling in your stomach when you've cried yourself to sleep the night before. I was sick of being a "touchdown" icon, I was sick of being called fat, and ugly. I wanted so badly to be the pretty girl that everyone liked. It was still difficult to come to terms that I would never be that girl and that nobody did or ever would love me. It crushed me to think about. It also crushed me to think that all my dreams had just crashed and burned right in front of my face.

I glanced at my phone. The messages were still flashing up. Why did I even keep looking? I guess because every time I looked I was desperately hoping with every inch of me that it would be different... but it never was. I was never going to change. This was my life. Maybe I had put this on myself though. I was a pretty rude person to be honest. Whenever I had insults thrown in my face I just couldn't take it. I used to be that girl who would "kill em' with kindness" or simply shrug it off. But you can only do that for so long. I would usually insult them back. Some people might take it as rudeness or a sign of insecurity. I guess both those assumptions would be true, seeing as I guess I am insecure about myself. I am only human though, right? I called it strength. I perfected that word over "insecure" or "rude." I thought it was strong of me that I refused to let people walk all over me and shove me down. I thought that if you let others tear you down they'd see you as weak. I thought they'd continue to tear you apart, but... was I wrong? I never wanted to be thought of as a rude individual or some sort of image of insecurity. But I feel that maybe I was perceived that way. I'd freak over the little things which I know wasn't necessary.

My thoughts were interrupted by a loud scream downstairs. I shot off my bed and bolted down the stairs.

"Mom, are you okay?!" I cried. I saw her jumping up and down with tears streaming down her face. I ran to her side and whipped her body around so she faced me.

"Honey, you made it...you got callbacks." She whispered. My entire body tensed up and froze. An amazing feeling of relief, fear, anxiety, and denial poured throughout my body. Adrenaline pumped in my veins.

"Wh-what?" I asked breathlessly.

"They liked your passion and feist." She said grinning from ear-to-ear. I grabbed my chest in fear that I might just drop dead of a heart attack. I shook my head.

"This is impossible." I muttered.

"It's true." My mom grabbing me by the shoulders.

"It is true, isn't it? IT IS! THEY LIKED ME! SOMEONE LIKES ME!" I shrieked, jumping up and down. The shock left me only to be replaced with a feeling of excitement and comfort. I ran around the room throwing my hands in the air like a child at Christmas. I hadn't been this happy since... ever. Thrill and relief washed over me. I shrieked and fell to the ground. I rolled around the floor and giggled like a giddy little school with a huge crush. My mother knelt beside me.

"I'm so proud of you, sweetie." She whispered. I threw my arms around her neck, pulling her into a warm embrace.

"Thank-you." I said.

"For what?" She asked, squeezing me tightly.

"For believing in me." I whispered.

"I'll never stop believing." She assured. I gave her one last squeeze before pulling back and looking into her face.

"I love you, Mom." I said. I truly meant that too. Love wasn't a word my mother and I used too often with one another. We fought a good deal as I've told you so the world love usually didn't appear in our conversations. But I truly meant it from the bottom of my heart with my utter most affection. I loved her... and I always would. I loved her for believing in me and for putting up with me when I was difficult to handle. She loved me when I was unlovable.

"I love you too, sweetie." I could tell she meant it as well. She even looked a little bit surprised when I said it which saddened me. I guess she really _didn't_ know I loved her and she deserved to know.

"Can I call Angela?" I asked.

"Yes, she's going to be so excited when she finds out." My mom said. I flashed her a grin before darting up the stairs and pouncing on my phone. It rung a few times, my heart rate increasing with each and every ring.

"Hello?" Angela's voice filled the air on the phone.

"ANGELA!" I shrieked into the phone receiver.

"Ouch! What's got you so excited? You got my ears ringing." She said sorely.

"You'll never going to believe this." I stated a grin creeping onto my face.

"What is it?" She asked.

"I got callbacks." I said

"NO. STINKIN. WAY!" She cried.

"I'm serious!" I cried with a loud giggle.

"I knew you could do it! Oh my gosh, I've never been prouder to call you my friend." She gushed.

"Aw, stop it!" I said, blushing a little.

"Seriously! I'm going to be able to say that I knew you when." She said, causing a huge grin to form on my lips.

"I just can't believe it." I said, shaking my head.

"Well, believe it, baby! Before you know it you'll be rubbing elbows with like the hottest guys in the world. I won't lie. I'm quite jealous." She admitted. I heard loud voices echoing in the bathroom.

"Oh my gosh, Angela! Are you in school?" I asked.

"Yeah, I snuck in the bathroom during Mr. Brooz's class... more like Mr. Snooze. I always drop everything whenever your calls come." Angela said. My heart warmed a little when she said that. It was nice to know that I meant something to someone for a change.

"Thank-you so much for being there." I said.

"You're welcome, I love you. Mr. Booze is probably gonna send someone in the bathroom soon to check on me so I gotta go, but I am so stinking proud of you!" She squealed into the phone. I smiled as I hung up. So this was it... my one big chance. The rest of the week dragged by pretty slowly as I waited anxiously for my callback. Finally, the day came. I told my mom that I would drive myself there and home just in case it didn't go well and I needed a moment to collect myself. I didn't want her to see me in my breakdown stage again... that was a side of me she was unfortunately forced to see a little too often.

"Good luck, sweetheart." She said, kissing my head before I walked out the door. I twirled the keyring around my finger nervously.

"Thanks, Mom. I'll do you proud." I said, forcing a smile through my anxiety.

"I'm always proud of you." She said giving my arm a squeeze. I smiled a little at that comment. It made me happy that she was there no matter what.

"Pray for me." I said sincerely. I could use all the prayer I could get. I hopped in my car and rode off to my future. I hadn't remembered ever being quite this excited in my entire life. When I got there every part of me was shaking in fear. I gripped my guitar neck with my trembling hands. I couldn't get a good grasp though through my sweaty palms. I kept my head down and tried to block out all these beautiful, model-looking girls out of my mind. Right now I needed to focus on the main priority right now, which was landing this job. I hadn't remembered ever wanting something so badly in my entire life before. I hadn't ever really been passionate about anything before. I tried to make myself appear confident though. I plastered a huge, goofy grin on my face and strut right up to those doors.

"Hello, my name is Sam and I'm here on callbacks." I said cheerfully.

"Oh, of course. It's the first room on your left." The lady stated, warmly. It was the same lady that had given me my number when I first auditioned. She seemed pleasantly surprised to see me so perky and outgoing this time around.

"I knew you could do it." She whispered.

"Thank-you, I think deep down I did too." I stated, honestly.

"That's what I like to hear." She said with a nod. I smiled, nodded in return, and thanked her one more time before starting toward the doors. I took a seat in a chair closest to the door and sat strumming my guitar quietly to myself. About fifteen girls sat perched up real high on their chairs, with their long tans legs being completely revealed. I looked at my baggy jeans and winced a little. I shook my head vigorously though, shaking the thought away with it.

"Alright, can all the girls please come in?" A familiar voice said. A heard a couple squeals erupt. It was Hunter. All the girls started drooling and cooing over him. They all raced to his side and looked at him as if he were a freshly baked batch of cookies. I rolled my eyes. For some reason, it made me kinda mad they way they were falling all over him. I wasn't jealous or anything thought. Believe me, I was _very_ used to that feeling. This was a different feeling from that and it was worse in a way really. I didn't know what it was, but I really hated it. These girls really bothered me. Probably they only bothered me because I wasn't them and I really wished I was.

"Hey, Hunter! I'm so glad you picked me I'm like a huuuuge fan!" A pretty blonde said, flipping her hair.

"Ohh my gosh! Me too! I know like alll your songs." Another said, grasping his arm.

"I love you so much! Can I have a hug?" A curly haired brunette asked. She wrapped her arms around him before he had time to answer the question.

"Thanks, thank-you, and yes." He said, answering all the questions at once. He smiled at each of us, his hint of dimples showing.

"Are you guys ready to play?" He asked.

"Yes!" All the girls replied with a squeal. There was only one boy in this _entire_ group...wow, figures. This wasn't any of these girl's dreams. They just wanted to be near the boys so they could fall all over themselves flirting with them. That thought made me really angry so I tried to just shrug it away.

When we entered the room, it was a lot bigger and more intimidating than I thought. We followed Hunter through a little backstage area before coming onto a small little a platform stage with rows and rows of seats. Hunter got us all to line up in a row and gave us all numbers. There were about twenty of us. He then jogged over to where the rest of the boys were sitting in the front row seats, ready to judge us thoroughly. I tugged at my jeans a little self-consciously as I looked around. Hunter smiled right in my direction... surely, not. I looked behind me. There was no one behind me. Well then, it was probably the girl beside me. She was pretty cute... in a totally non-creepy way, you know? But I didn't have time to be thinking about that anyway. Right now, was one of the only moments in my entire life that was for me _just me._ The first girl went and she had the voice of an absolute angel. The second girl went, she could play better than I had ever heard in my entire life. The third went and her fingers strummed violently she mangled her fingers in the strings, playing every cord precisely. This torture went on until it finally reached me.

To be honest, I didn't have some big, impressive song in store. I had a simple, but powerful song in mind. I would be playing Sweet Home Alabama. It wasn't much, but I just prayed that it would be an effective one as well. I started the first few cords and the boys began bobbing their heads with the rhythm which made a big grin appear on my face. I started getting into it and moving the neck of my guitar with the beat. The other girls started giving me looks, but I didn't really care. I stayed myself to the beat and jerked the guitar neck on the big notes. I even did a little jump at the end.

"Okay, we're gonna start letting people go now..." Logan said.

"The people who stay are..." Josh said slowly.

"Number 12, number four, number seven, number eighteen..." Hunter said. I glanced down at my number seventeen. I was crushed. Absolutely gutted. They didn't call my name. I slowly turned towards the door.

"Oh, and lastly number seventeen." Hunter said. WHAT?! THAT WAS MY NUMBER! WAS THIS A DREAM? IF IT WAS PLEASE NEVER WAKE ME UP! OH. MY. GOSH. I jumped at least fifteen feet in the air, letting a squeal escape me. The boys grinned at my enthusiasm. I cupped my hands over my mouth, trying desperately to suppress my screams... or muffle them at least. I couldn't believe that this was happening to me.

"Alright, now for a playyyyofffffffffff!" Logan boomed, enthusiastically. My heart was thudding loudly in my chest. I felt like I was going to pass out. I held my guitar tightly in my arms against my chest to keep it from pounding right out of my chest. I played the "Eye of The Tiger." I again strummed as if my life depended on it. My fingers glided gracefully, yet roughly against the cords. I barred down on the strings, releasing sweet melodies. The rest of the girls went too, but I didn't even really hear them. All sorts of things and were racing through my brain at the moment. My mind was spinning with thoughts running through it a million miles an hour. _What did they think of me? Did I mess up? Was I even that good? What if I fail? I'll have to tell mom I didn't make it. Oh, she'll be so disappointed._

My thoughts were interrupted by a loud cry. My eyes shot up from the small place on the ground they had been fixed on.

"Congrats." One girl muttered to me. I cocked an eyebrow at her.

"What?" I mumbled. They all gave me icy stares.

"Did ya not hear us, babe?" Josh asked. I looked around, confused. One girl was already headed to the door wailing.

"You made it, love." Hunter said. Those four words had just changed my life. Actually, a lot more than I knew at the time.

"Welcome to "All4U!" Corey said with a warm smile.

"ARE YOU SERIOUS!" I cried.

"More than we have been in a real long time." Logan said. I jumped up and down like a little girl. I just stood there giggling, frozen in place. They all came up and gave me a hug, but I couldn't even really hug back. I was shaking so hard and the shock was clear in my expression. I looked at the ground, trying to hide my face so they wouldn't see how truly desperate I really was for this gig.

"That was the best we've heard in a really long time." Logan informed.

"Th-thanks." I managed to squeak out.

"You seem lovely, Sam. I think we'll get on real well." Hunter informed with a nod.

"Yeah, thank-you so much. This means a lot." Was all I could say. I was so surprised that I could even manage to even get that much out. There were cameras all over the place and that made me even more nervous if that was even humanly possible.

"You wanna call your mum or something?" Corey asked. I nodded and jerked my phone out of my hand.

"Your shaking." Hunter said, with a cheeky girl softly placing his hand on mine.

"Yeah." I said, breathlessly.

"You're excited?" He asked.

"More than you could ever know." I replied, holding the phone to my ear.

"Here let me talk." He said, swiping the phone.

"Hey!" I cried. He just offered another cheeky grin so I let it go.

"Hello, I'm Hunter and I'll taking your daughter on tour this summer." He said, putting the phone on speaker. I heard my mom screaming with joy and all the boys laughed.

"Mom, don't cry!" I said, a little embarrassed. She was sobbing on the other end. I shook my head a little, but I still couldn't wipe this grin off my face.

"Those boys are handsome too! You be careful!" My mother warned.

"Mom, stop it! The phone's on speaker!" I cried.

"Oh sorry, baby. I didn't mean to embarrass you." She apologized. I just laughed. Nothing could ruin this wonderful mood that I was in right now. All the other boys laughed along with me as well.

"I'm so proud of you! I just can't believe this." Mom sounded like a high pitched, squeaky, teenage girl and it was kind of funny. I chucked slightly to myself.

"Well, congratulations." Hunter said extend his hand. I took it and shook it firmly.

"Thank-you so much." I said, with a huge goofy smile.

"Welcome aboard." Corey said.

"I'm so happy to be aboard." I said with a nod.

"Well, our first rehearsal is about a week from now, alright? But the tour doesn't start for a good month or so." Logan informed, handing a me a schedule.

"Thank-you so much!" I stated with a slight squeal. I hurried off toward the door, but before I went someone snagged me arm. I turned around. It was Hunter.

"You know why we picked you, right?" He asked. I shook my head slowly.

"You had... some sort of fire and first in your eyes. I could just tell it by the way you played. You've been through something, haven't you?" He whispered. I nodded.

"Yeah, I've been through a lot." I said.

"Well, I can tell. You've got something special, Sam." I grinned at the words. Something special... one of the most famous celebrities in the world thought that _I_ had something special.

"Thanks." I whispered. I'd never really felt special before in my life. He nodded and gave me a light friendly pat on the back.

"Good job." He whispered. I nodded and gave one last wave before I went out. The minute I went through the door, I wanted to run back to where safety was assured for me. I was afraid these girls might kill me before I made it to the first rehearsal. They were looking at me with cold, dead eyes and giving me icy stares that could kill. I forced a tight lipped smile at all of them. They didn't return the kind gesture. I kept my head down on the way to my car, but I felt a hand grab me and jerk me back violently. It jerked my head backward, causing my neck to snap back painfully. I turned to see who was so aggressively violent with me. I turned around swiftly with anger in my eyes and clearly written all over my expression. It was the pretty little blonde girl.

"I don't care. I don't care that they picked you, I don't care why they picked you...but they did and you don't deserve it. You ugly little disgraceful thing. I worked my butt of for this." She snapped.

"Well, so did I and unlike you I've worked my entire life for this and gosh you're ugly. You're ugly where it counts. I don't care what I look like in the mirror. When I look at my reflection I want to see a girl who strives her hardest no matter what. I want to see a girl who is constantly making mistakes and learning." I said firmly. I held a mirror to her face.

"You look now... what do you see?" I whispered. She blinked dramatically at me in disbelief. With that, a snapped the mirror shut and turned to walk away. But then I whipped around to add one last thing.

"They picked me. They like me... they _love_ me. How does it feel to be rejected, princess?" I whispered in her ear. I pulled away and looked at her with a smirk. She turned on her heels and stormed off. I smiled a little to myself. I didn't have that burning sensation stinging deep within me like I usually did when I got insulted. Instead, it was replaced with a feeling of peace and serenity. It didn't hurt so bad, it actually felt kinda nice. I felt like I had done something instead of shy away and take every insult that was flung my way. I belted out the lyrics to every song on the radio when I was on my way home. I didn't care if I was even vaguely familiar with the song. I felt like a songbird flying high in the sky and chirping as she did it, releasing merry music throughout her kingdom. Kingdom. I felt like a princess. Right now, I might as well have been royalty. I didn't mean it in a conceited way, but right now I felt really good about myself. That was rare. That was new.

Chapter Seven: Wherever you are...

I parked the car and slowly walked into the house. I paused and leaned on the door frame. My mom sprinted towards me, practically leaping into my ready arms.

"I'm so proud of you!" She said, her voice muffled from her face being pressed against my shoulder.

"Thanks, you know... I never could have done it without you." I said, sincerely.

"No matter where you go or how hard you try, or wherever you are... I'll be here waiting on you. If you're on a stage I'll be behind it cheering you on. If you're in jail I'll be on the other side of the bars to bail you out, even if you're throwing up drunk I'll drive you home and take care of you. Don't you get me wrong, young lady. I'd be very disappointed in you, but the point is I've always loved you and always supported you. I will never stop either and I hope you know that." She said, as I brushed a tear that slid from her face. Her little speech really warmed my heart.

"I'm sorry for ever doubted that you were there." I said.

"I know. We've had some rough patches here and there..." My mom said.

"But that doesn't matter. Yesterday is history-" I started.

"And tomorrow is a mystery." My mom finished.

"Today is a gift... and that's why it's called the present." We said together. We laughed a little, both grinning like little children. For that moment, everything was peaceful, everything was right.

The week lingered on slowly before I went to the first rehearsal. I spent like two hours trying to pick out an outfit. I didn't really even know why. They liked me even when I was plain Jane with my baggy pants and makeup less face.

When, I got there the boys were on stage goofing off.

"Heyyy, Sam!" They all cried when I came in.

"Hey, guys." I said shyly. They all greeted me with a hug then we began.

"Okay, so have you been looking over the music?" Josh asked.

"Of course." I answered.

"Cool, we're gonna start with "Beautiful Mistake" next, we're gonna do "Light my world" then "Finally Awake" lastly we're gonna do "Got what I need" but we're gonna do an encore if the audience wants it." Corey informed.

"Great. Got it." I said.

I then was introduced to the entire team. The manager, hairdresser, security guards, drummer, bass players, vocal coaches, and makeup artist. I smiled and said hi to each one of them.

"Alright then, let's begin!" Josh said excitedly. The music started up and I began the first few cords of the song. It was a pretty simple song, nothing too hard and I was really enjoying myself. The boys were such great performers. They just danced around the stage singing and being silly, nothing too overly professional.

They were just... themselves and I really admired that. In a way, I sort of envied that and I wished that I could be a bit more myself sometimes instead of always holding back. The last song ended, and high fives went all around.

"YOU DID GREAT!" Hunter cried, slapping me a high-five.

"YEAHHH!" Logan cried, slapping me one as well. They obviously got really pumped after every rehearsal. Logan and Hunter both did a chest bump, while Josh and Corey just ran around the stage screaming.

"YEAH, KILLED IT BABE _KILLED_ IT!" Corey yelled, offering me a fist pound. They went around doing this to everyone until the energy seemed to have spread all around the room. I even did a little yell and a couple fist pumps. They all grinned at me and my energy.

After, rehearsals ended Hunter caught up with me as I was headed out the door.

"Hey, I'm gonna see if all the boys wanna go out for some pizza. Do you wanna tag along as well?" Hunter asked.

"Sure." I replied with a smile. He grinned at me and ran to catch up with the boys. He talked softly to them. They all punched his shoulder and shoved him playfully. I was kind of confused at what he had said to cause that, but it was probably just their normal behavior. He jogged back over to me.

"Alright, they're in!" He said.

"Is everyone else coming?" I asked, pointing to the bass and drum players.

"Nah, let's let it just be the five of us this time. We wanna get to know you." Hunter said.

"Oh, well okay." I said with a shrug. He led me out to his car and opened the door for me.

"Oh, I brought my own car." I said, gesturing to my mother's beat up old Volkswagen.

"It's alright, love. We'll pick it up afterward." He stated.

"Are you sure?" I asked, raising a brow. He nodded firmly so I slid into the car. It was perhaps the nicest car I'd ever seen in my entire life. It was an orange Mclaren with a long white stripe going down it and doors that slid upward. The seats were silky expensive looking leather. I brushed the seats with my fingertips. It felt like soft, sleek Heaven. It smelled brand new too. The other boys slid in as well. I was sitting in the passenger seat beside Hunter.

"We're warning you, Sam. Hunter might just be the worst drive this world has ever seen." Josh stated.

"Am not!" Hunter cried as he leaned back in his seat to pop Logan. I buckled my seat belt and clutched the sides of my seat with all my might.

"Hey, you don't believe them, do you?" Hunter cried. I noticed a helmet on the floor.

"Just to be safe..." I said, grabbing the helmet and plopping it on my head. The boys all laughed their heads off. The helmet was about three sizes too big more my head and lay lopsided toward the side of my head. I crossed my eyes. I bet I looked really silly. Hunter just shook his head and started up the car. He peeled out of the parking lot.

"We told you, didn't we?" Corey said, with a laugh. I gripped my helmet and pulled it harder down on my head. The boys laughed even harder. Hunter stuck his tongue out at the boys and turned the radio on.

"DANCE PARTY!" The boys cried. They all began bouncing around violently in the backseat, shaking the car. I started shimmying and first pumping in my seat as well.

"Guys, you're gonna flip the car!" Hunter cried.

"Your driving with do that anyway!" Logan cried in reply. I giggled a little.

"Oh, you think that's funny do ya, love?" Hunter asked. I shook my head, but still giggled as I did it.

"She's only known you for like two hours and she already knows your the world's worst driver."

Logan teased. I covered my mouth with my hand to suppress any more unexpected laughs and to hide my smile. My smile soon disappeared as my jaw dropped to the floor in shock. When we pulled in, there were tons of girls outside screaming and banging on the windows of the car.

"Oh my gosh... is it always like this?" I asked, barely even able to talk.

"Pretty much, but it's fine. We love seeing the fans." Josh replied.

"But how will we even eat?" I asked.

"It all works out fine. If they don't respect our privacy, we've got security guards." Josh said soothingly.

"Is it even safe?" I continued to interview.

"We'll keep you safe." Hunter said with a laugh.

"Good, because I'm actually really scared right now." I admitted.

"Oh, you don't say? What could have given it away? Your chattering teeth or the fact that your peeing your pants right now." Hunter said with a smirk.

"Am not!" I protested. He grinned at me.

"Well, that's what you get for making fun of my driving." He muttered. I rolled my eyes then prepared to slide out of the car into the monstrous sea of shrieking fans. Hunter got out first, the security hurrying to his side trying to push their way through the mass of people. Paparazzi swarmed the scene snapping pictures in his face and videotaping his every move. They all shouted his name and begged for a picture of autograph. I slid out as well, not at all prepared for the ciaos that would occur when I did. I was practically blinded by the rapid flashing bulbs of cameras that struck like lightning everywhere I looked. I shut my eyes and still saw spots. It made me really self-conscious. I really didn't want them taking pictures of me or zooming their cameras in on me. I felt like I was some sort of pop star right now and that kind of spotlight was most diffidently not one that I belonged in. I was far from perfect and that's exactly what I felt like every star in Hollywood either was or seemed to be striving for.

Hunter lightly tugged on my arm, pulling me through the crowd. He stopped and posed for a few pictures and signed a few things, but kept me in close range.

"Stay there." He said pointing to the spot directly behind him. I nodded obediently. I looked around. There were girls sobbing. Hunter went over and embraced all the girls that were wailing. The shrieks and cries didn't seem to faze him a bit though. This was his life now. He rubbed their backs as he hugged them and flashed his warm smile to calm them. The sight warned me heart and not many things did that. Once he was finished, he came back to me and put his hand on my back gently pushing me through the crowd until we finally reached the doors of the restaurant.

"Thanks. I thought I was gonna die." I stated dramatically.

"I wouldn't let that happen." Hunter assured

"Good, I'm not a fan of dying." I said. He laughed.

"Because then we'd have to go through that long and painful process of getting another guitar player and that would just be too much work." He said cheekily.

"Oh, thanks. I feel so special." I said, rolling my eyes.

"Oh, and there's be the whole funeral issue. That would be a pain." Hunter added.

"My parents could sue too, right? Now _that_ would be a good magazine article." I said.

"That would be a minor setback." He agreed.

"You know and you might have a little guilt for being the reason an innocent young girl died." I said.

"Maybe just a little guilt." He said with a shrug. We both laughed. The other boys finally came trailing behind us. A sobbing fan was still clinging to Josh. He patted her back and tried to calm her.

"Shhh, don't cry, babe." He said softly.

"Awwww!" I couldn't help, but ruin the moment.

"It really seems like you care about them." I stated absently. I was still mesmerized by the outcome of people that had showed up just to watch them eat dinner.

"Our fans are everything." Corey stated. I wondered what it was like to be someone's everything.

"Most of them have been here since day one in our career." Josh stated, staring at them with loving eyes.

"I've never really loved someone like I love them." Hunter said.

"Oh, stop getting sentimental you big sap!" Logan whined, slugging Hunter's arm.

"Well, all this sentimental talk has made me hungry." Josh informed.

"Let's eat!" I cried. We all walked into the restaurant. It was so fancy and tasteful. I'd never been somewhere so nice looking in my entire life. I scanned the room. I the environment was reverent and quiet. It had lacy white tablecloths and little chandlers hanging here and there. Hunter noticed my wide eyes.

"Impressed?" He asked with a satisfied smirk on his face. I nodded.

"I'm very impressed. Well done." I said, trying to hide the fact that I considered McDonalds fancy.

"Have you ever been anywhere like this before?" He asked.

"Never. My idea of fancy is pretty much oreos and netflix. That's my idea of a good night." I said with a laugh. Hunter laughed at my lame joke which made me really happy. Not many people got my weird quirky sense of humor.

We all sat at a long table and got our menus out. I scanned the menu thoroughly.

"What are you going to get?" Hunter asked leaning in to look at my menu.

"To be honest, I don't know what anything on here is." I admitted.

"That's alright. Just get what I get. You'll love it, I guarantee." He said.

"Oh, guaranteed?" I asked.

"Yes, it's amazing." He stated. The waiter came to take our orders. Even he was dressed to the nines with his black vest, white collared button-up shirt underneath, and black pants on his bottom half.

"I'll have purloined garlic shrimp cobob with a side of okra please." Hunter said.

"Uh, yeah what he said." I told the waiter. The boys laughed.

"Well, excuse me for counting Burger King as a luxury." I scoffed. The rest of the boys ordered their fancy food as well. The waiter penned their orders down, then walked briskly back into the kitchen.

"Boys, I've got to go to the lou." Logan informed.

"I could use a trip to the toilet as well." Corey said, getting up with him.

"I think I'll join the two of you to wash up." Josh stated. The three of them all left, leaving Hunter and I alone. Woah, awkward. I wasn't quite sure what to say. I licked my lips real slow like I did in pretty much every awkward situation. I was tempted to pull my phone out and text to avoid the awkwardness, but Hunter spoke up.

"They're like a bunch of girls going in pacts like that." He said.

"Yeah, and I love the way they announced it to us as well." I said with a laugh. Hunter grinned and shook his head.

"Is it always like these?" I asked, gesturing to the madness still happening outside.

"Most days." Hunter replied.

"That's insane." I said, staring at all the girls swarming the restaurant. They were looking through the windows at us. They had a certain look in their eyes that I had become very good at recognizing. It was jealousy. I had become very familiar seeing it often in my reflection, but it was very strange to see it in other's eyes. It gave me a queer feeling.

"You get used to it though." Hunter said with a shrug.

"I don't think I ever could." I said, staring out the window.

"You'll have to." He said. I raised an eyebrow.

"What do you mean by that?" I asked.

"Pretty much everyone one on our staff or even somewhat related to us is forced into this lifestyle. My mum gets noticed everywhere and fans send things to my house back home. Even our security guards and stylist often get noticed or mobbed." Hunter explained.

"Wow, that's crazy." I said.

"Yeah, we got some pretty amazing fans. Some of them have pretty much devoted their entire life to us. It's mad to think about really. They're just so passionate and devoted to us." Hunter said, shaking his head as if he didn't believe it himself. I smiled a little at his accent when he said the word us. It was beautiful... poetic actually in a way when he spoke of his fans.

"It must be nice to be loved like that." I said with a sigh. I closed my mouth quickly and tightened my jaw the minute I said it.

"What do you mean by that? You've never been loved?" He asked, cocking a brow. I really didn't feel like giving him my life story. It was really hard for me to discuss my feelings... I guess I just wasn't gifted in that area.

"No, um I mean... uh..." I stammered. I sipped on my drink trying to dodge the question. But the rest of the boys came just in time and saved me.

"So what did we miss?" Logan boomed, flopping back into his chair.

"We were just talking about how crazy these guys are." I said, pointing out the window.

"We prefer the word devoted." Corey said.

"Well, they're very devoted." I said.

"Yes... yes, they are." Josh said, giving them a little wave. Screams erupted when he did. I laughed.

"I wish guys at my school had that reaction." I said with a smile. But the smile on my lips disappeared as quickly as it had formed. I had just let more personal information slip out. I guess things like this kept slipping because deep down I wanted to discuss them. But I knew I just couldn't. It was as simple as that. I just... couldn't do it.

"Guys at your school don't like you?" Corey question. I really didn't want to answer that question. This was my chance to start over, what happened for all those years was history now. No need to talk about things of the past.

"No, I mean... um. Well, I'm sort of... I mean, uh-" I stuttered. But I was saved once again by the waiter coming with our food.

"Oh, yay! Food!" I cried, trying my best to quickly convert the subject to more pleasant matters.

"Great, I'm starving." Corey said, rubbing his stomach.

"It looks delicious." I said, licking my lips. The waiter placed the steaming food down in front of us. We thanked her and I bowed my head to say a quick prayer. When, I opened my eyes and lifted my head the boys were all staring at me.

"What are ya doin', love?" Josh asked.

"Did you go to sleep on us?" Hunter asked with a laugh.

"Maybe she just didn't want to look at your face!" Logan cried, slugging Hunter in the arm. Hunter slugged him right back just as hard, if not harder.

"No, I was just... praying." I said. It didn't really sound quite as cool as it did in my head.

"Oh... um, that's great." Corey said, quickly. I knew they didn't get the whole God thing, but I was going to try my best to change that. I knew I could do it. My pastor often talked about being with people that are a good influence to you. I kinda wondered if a bunch of non-believers were a bad influence. But I guess if they were God wouldn't have put me with them. I tried to push away the thought for now anyway.

"How's the food?" Hunter asked.

"Probably the best I've ever tasted." I said, taking another bite of my shrimp.

"Yeah, Hunter why don't you taste as well?" Logan cried, tossing a piece of his food at Hunter's face. It bounced off Hunter's nose and straight into my drink. Strawberry lemonade flew all over the tablecloth and some of it splashed into my lap. I squealed at the icy liquid ran down my leg. I threw a bit of shrimp back at Logan for revenge.

Before I knew it, we were in a full-on food fight. Everything that was considered edible was being thrown and even some very non-edible things as well. The waiter came to us very unimpressed.

"Um, excuse me, but I believe I am going to have to ask you to leave." She said firmly. Her expression was very stern and as cheeky as these boys were I knew that there was no weaseling our way out of this one.

"But... we're not done eating." Corey said quietly.

"Out!" She cried, pointing at the doorway.

We all exited the restaurant with our heads hanging in shame. But the minute they went through the doors, they all burst out laughing. I couldn't help, but laugh as well... and it felt so nice.

"Don't you guys even feel a little bit bad?" I asked.

"Oh, believe me, babe! That is _not_ the first time that's happened." Logan said with a laugh.

"Haven't you ever gotten kicked out of a restaurant?" Corey inquired.

"No, never." I replied honestly. The boys burst into laughter once again.

"Well... stick with us and it will be a pretty re-occurring event." Hunter said, with a laugh. The girls were still squealing and the boys stopped to snap a few more pictures, give a few more hugs, and sign a few more things. Then, we all slid into the car.

"Get ready for the horror." Logan teased, referring to Hunter's driving.

We laughed pretty much the entire way home. It felt so good to laugh for a change, I had forgotten what it truly felt like. When I got home, I flopped on my bed and let out a long sigh. I had just done what every girl in the entire world had dreampt of doing. I had hang out with All4U. I fell asleep that night dreaming sweet and happy dreams. I had friends. That had never happened before. For once everything was right in the world.

CHAPTER NINE: DREAMS OF HUNTER

The next day, I woke up really early for rehearsals. I wanted to be punctual so I sped the whole way there. When I stepped into the arena Hunter was the only one there. He was sitting on the stage looking into the empty seats. His head shot up when I entered.

"Sam!" He cried, rising to give me a hug. I hesitantly patted his back, trying to get him to let go of me as quickly as possibly. His embrace was so warm, but I wasn't used to being hugged, or kissed, or loved, or touched that when it did happen a queer feeling overtook me. That feeling overpowered the warm, sentimental feeling. He pulled away, looking at my face and I wondered what he was looking for. My tenseness at his touch seemed to bother him a little, but the disappointment only seemed to linger on his face for a moment. He was replenished to his regular boyish charm in seconds.

"Glad to see you're on time. It's nice to see someone who takes their job seriously for a change." He said.

"Are the other boys usually late?" I asked.

"Usually. It's beautiful in here, isn't it?" He asked, opening his arms wide and spinning in a complete circle. He sat on the stage and motioned for me to be seated beside him. I obeyed and sat beside him. We stared at the empty seats in silence for a moment.

"Isn't it amazing?" He asked, staring at the arena.

"What?" I asked.

"To think that in a week or so this entire stadium will be packed full of screaming fans... all to hear us sing." He replied with a sigh.

"It is pretty amazing to think about. This band must have changed your life." I stated.

"It's changed me more than you could ever know. I didn't even really think that I was going to make it in this band." Hunter confessed.

"Are you serious? What made you think that?" I questioned.

"I'm quite different from the boys. I mean... they just posses this sort of quality about them that I don't have." He said, quietly.

"Seriously? Have you looked in a mirror recently?" The minute I said it I regretted it. My face turned bright red and I instantly looked at the floor. He grinned widely at me.

"Really now?" He asked, inching just a bit closer.

"I meant, um..." I stammered.

"Well, I'm glad you think so." He said, smiling at me again. I wished he'd look away from me. I hated looking people in the eyes. I couldn't look at a boy for more than a few seconds without getting insecure. So I certainly didn't like the way he was looking at me right now. But thankfully, the boys came and saved me.

"WE'RE HERE!" They announced as they strut in.

"You're late!" I scolded, wagging my finger at them.

"You're way off schedule. Let's hurry and begin." Connie said gravely as she placed us all on our proper parts of the stage. I sat on my stool at the side of the stage and strummed the first few notes of the opening song. I watched the boys as they performed and I could see why they were the number one boy band in the nation.

It was the way that they were completely and utterly themselves every moment on that stage. They seemed as if they were some high school band entertaining their school in a talent show. But no... they were the biggest boy band in the world singing in front of millions of screaming fans, cameramen, and photographers capturing their every moment to be put in magazines or posted on YouTube.

I watched Hunter as well. I saw why the ladies loved him so much. The way he flipped his wavy hair when he sang and how he bounced around the stage like a giddy little kid was just so alluding. I'm not sure what it was exactly, but it was so attractive. I should have studied the music a lot more and the boys a lot less, but something about them was just captivating. They just had this glowing star quality about them that demanded the attention of everyone in the room and to be honest I wished I possed the same trait.

I ended the song, with one last wailing note and then a hardcore strum before beginning the next song. When that song ended, we received a standing ovation from Connie.

"That was amazing, boys! You smashed it as always. You're drumming was wicked, Kade. Your guitar playing was wonderful as always, Sam. Good job to all of you. Now let's break for lunch!" Connie said. I pretty much made a dead sprint for my car to find somewhere to eat since I felt like there was a monster in my stomach eating at my insides and begging for food. Hunter grabbed my arm before I made it all the way out the door.

"You wanna grab some lunch?" He asked.

"Sure, I'll go get the boys." I said. But he stood in my way.

"How about just us today?" He asked. I looked at him for a moment, but then shrugged.

"Okay, whatever you want." I said.

"Yeah...it is what I want." He said his blueish green eyes twinkling a bit. I nodded and tried not to stare at his perfect chiseled features too much. The way he had his jaw set right now was emphasizing his facial perfection.

"My car's over that way." He said. He held the door for me like a gentleman as I slid in.

"Where would you like to go?" He asked, setting his eyes on me. I hated everyone and everything and I wasn't sure what this was. I wasn't used to people bothering to ask my opinion in anything. I wasn't used to being invited somewhere for the sheer fun of it. Whenever I was invited to anywhere, it was always someone working an angle with me. I looked down very quickly trying my best to loose his gaze.

"Wherever you wanna go." I answered, quickly. He ducked his head trying to meet my gaze once again.

"Do you like steak?" He asked. I nodded, still continuing to keep my eyes glued to the floor. He started the car up. I wanted to jump out. I felt like a scared little girl trying to run from a cloud. I knew it was helpless and that he was only being friendly, but something about that terrified me. I guess it was just that no one had ever even made the slightest effort to be friendly to me. The fact that someone was spending time _and_ money on me was terrifying. We drove on for a few moments in silence.

"So, Sam... tell me a little bit about yourself. You've been here a while, but I still don't feel like I know you." Hunter said, shattering my thoughts as if they were made of glass.

"Well, my name in Samantha Baker. I'm seventeen years old and a junior in high school-" I began.

"Tell me more about school." He interrupted. Well, wasn't he being awfully pushy. I didn't want to tell him anything about school and certainly not about my life.

Those were all things of the past that I felt no need to discuss anymore. This was a new beginning for me. So why dwell on old troubles that had occurred in the past?

"Um, it was good. I guess I just had the average high school experience." I lied. My high school experience was anything, but average. It was more like an eight hour daily torture chamber, peer wise and grade wise.

"Did you have a lot of friends?" He asked. WHAT IN THE WORLD?! It was absolutely none of his business if I did or didn't have friends and I had no idea why he was grilling me so hard about this. I looked at him angrily.

"Yes." I said coldly. He raised an eyebrow.

"What? I did." I lied. We were at a red light, he set his eyes on me looking dead into mine. I looked down quickly. But this time he put his hand under my chin and tilted me face up, I was surprised and jumped at his touch.

"Listen, Sam. I know something bad happened back there. I can just see that pain in your eyes and it seems to hold you back in everything you do. It even holds you back in your guitar playing. All I want to do is help." He said, looking at me with compassion in his eyes. I was scared at first by his sudden forcefulness, but then I relaxed a little when I looked at the calm, comforting expression on his face. That let me know all my secrets were safe with him. I sighed and flopped back in my seat in exhaustion. I was done fighting. I had been holding in all this for so long and I was ready to spill my guts to someone. It was just so tiring to always be fighting someone or something.

"I'm hated." I burst out. He raised an eyebrow at me.

"What do you mean?" He asked.

"No one likes me at my school. I can't even look at my phone anymore because it's spammed with awful texts about how I'm fat, ugly, stupid, and overly attention seeking. Is wanting attention so bad though? Maybe if someone in this entire world gave me some attention every now and then I wouldn't have to go out of my way to seek it. You don't understand how hard it is to look in and mirror and despise what you see. Then, you come to school and all those little doubtful thoughts that have been welling up in your mind are confirmed. You _are_ fat, you _are_ ugly, and everyone _does_ hate you." I blurted on in one long rambling breathe. He parked the car and took the keys out of the ignition.

"Those people are jerks. I mean look at you. They're just jealous." He said, looking me over from head to toe. I fidgeted uncomfortably in me seat. He grinned then hopped out of the car and opened my door. He grabbed my hand and helped me out.

"We can continue this inside." He whispered in my ear. He opened the door of the restaurant for me and the waiter led us to a nice quiet table far off in the back that had a huge window revealing a lovely view of a sugar white sandy beach and a crystal blue ocean. The sound of the waves rolling in on the shore was so calming.

"How long has this been going on?" He asked, ripping my attention away from the beautiful view. I sighed.

"Since middle school." I replied.

"Have you told anyone?" He asked.

"I think that's the problem. I can't really explain how bad it is to my mother. Something in me shuts down whenever I do. She knows _of_ it, but she doesn't really know how bad it truly is. It's pretty much shut my life down." I stated.

"So nobody knows?" He inquired further.

"I talked to the guidance counselor about it a lot at first. She set up a meeting with them and their parents. That made it so much worse though. They hate me more than ever now. Going to seek adult help was probably not the best option." I answered.

"But just look at you now. You're having the time of your life, right? Those looser are gonna have to stay at home and watch you shine." He said, grinning widely at me.

"Yeah, I know. To be honest, that's really why I auditioned. I mean don't get me wrong, music is my passion. But I just really needed to break away from everything. I just needed to start over." I said.

"Well, I'm glad I've given you the chance." He stated.

"I'm very thankful." I said, offering a smile.

"What would you like to drink?" The waiter asked, ruining the moment.

"I'll have a Pepsi please." Hunter said.

"Can I have a diet coke?" I asked. Hunter's eyes widened a little when I said it.

"You know you look great, right?" He said, once the waiter had left.

"What do you mean?" I said, blushing a little.

"I mean that those bullies are completely wrong. You're not fat and you're not ugly... far from it. You don't need to get diet this or that. You're perfect the way you are." He said, sincerely. I blushed and looked away.

"Oh, you don't mean that. You're required to say sweet things like that, right?" I teased.

"Why would I be required to say that?" He asked.

"Because if you don't I'll think you're a jerk and you'll make a horrible first impression." I said with a laugh. He smiled and shook his head.

"I've already made my first impression and I think it was a good one." He said with a cheesy wink. I laughed.

"Ohhh, suuure." I said as he continued to strut and pretend to flirt.

"How did you convince your mum to let you try out?" He said, returning to our serious and deep atmosphere.

"Well, I kinda got kicked out of school." I said quietly.

"How?" He asked. I expected a bit of a more dramatic reaction from him, but he stayed calm and waited patiently for me to reply.

"I punched a few kids... and a teacher." I replied a little embarrassed. I thought he'd freak out, but his expression remained calm. He wasn't one to judge.

"Well that would do it, but if I'd been put through what you did I might knock some kid's lights out as well." He said, flexing. I laughed.

"It wasn't right to do, but I was just sick of it. All of it. It was past time I stood up for myself." I said.

"And it was like this every day?" He asked. I nodded.

"I'd look on face book and see all these pictures of me friends laughing and having fun... and I was always alone. I wished I could have friends like that, but I just never did.

My only friend was a girl named Angela. Even though she was all I had she sometimes couldn't seem to find time for me. She was pretty popular. I don't know why she stayed with me to be honest. Maybe I was just her charity case. I seem to be that to everyone who's nice to me actually." I said. Hunter raised an eyebrow at what I said last.

"You're not my charity case." He said, sincerely.

"Oh, I know. I didn't mean it like that. Sorry." I apologized quickly.

"No, I mean it. I really like you, Sam." He said.

"Oh, well um... I-I-" I stammered.

"Are you ready to order?" The waiter asked, saving me.

"Um, yes I'll have the sirloin steak please." Hunter said.

"Yeah, I'll have what he's having." I said. I had been so caught up in my conversation with Hunter that I hadn't even given my menu a glance yet.

"Are you close with the boys?" I asked. I was trying to quickly change the subject and take the attention away from what had just been said. But I think he noticed my lack of acknowledgment on the matter.

"Yes, the lads are my best mates. But I'm missing something." He said, staring off into the ocean.

"What's that?" I asked.

"They all have girlfriends. They're madly in love with them and when I see the way that their ladies look at them... I don't know I just long to be looked at like that. I wish I had what they had. I've been single for months now. It's just a little more difficult for me to find the right one I guess." He said with a sigh.

"Why is it so hard?" I asked. He looked away from me.

"It just... is." He said quietly. I noticed the hesitation, but I was so sure why. He had a secret that he was keeping from me and it made me angry seeing as I had just laid my whole life story out for him.

"Well, I'm sure there's someone out there." I said. The sound of my voice seemed to be penetrating into his thoughts. He nodded and looked at me deep in the eyes.

"Yeah... someone is." He said. He reached for my hand and I knew then that someone really was.

CHAPTER EIGHT: Screaming into an empty world

It was the last week of rehearsals. That meant the tour started in two days. I was super stoked! Throughout the rehearsals, I continued to go out to eat with the boys every day and get to know them better. It was the next to the last rehearsal today and I knew I had to be super focused. No distractions, no joking around, and no kidding. I rode to the grocery store to pick up some last minute snacks for the boys. They swore on their life that it helped them. I threw the snacks in my cart and hurried to the check-out line. As I waited in line, something caught my eye. I nearly had a heart attack when I got a closer look. It was a picture of Hunter and I on the cover of a magazine. I gasped. My eyes nearly popped out of my head.

**HUNTER'S NEW FIERY ROMANCE.** Was printed in big letter beside the picture. My jaw dropped halfway to the floor. I ripped the magazine off the rack and flipped to the proper page.

All4U's Hunter Thompson was seen with new guitar member Sam Baker on numerous occasions. Sources say the couple had a good time laughing and smiling during their lunch date. They couldn't seem to take their eyes off each other. But is this just another summer fling for Mr. Thompson? Hunter has been seen with several girls the past few months and can't seem to keep one.

" _He's just young and wants to have fun. He's quite the party boy." A source says. "He's too busy for a girlfriend anyway and any girl that thinks they can change that is delirious." Another source close to the boys says._

I flipped to the next page. The title was "The many ladies of Hunter Thompson." Pictures of girls hugging, kissing, and holding hands with him filled the pages. There were even some of him dancing and drinking. Every girl seemed to be all over him as well and it made me cringe. I prayed I was never like that, clinging onto to someone for dear life as if they were the last thing you had. If anyone had the right to do that, it would be me since I didn't have much and I did try to cling to what I had. But I would never be like that. I would _never_ be _one of them._ I shamed myself to ever wanting to be one and I shamed myself for thinking I was special.

I shoved the magazine angrily back into the wrack and threw my stuff down on the conveyer belt. I stalked out of the grocery store and heaved the snacks angrily into my backseat. I floored it out of the parking lot. Thoughts raced throughout my mind at a million miles a second. I was such an idiot. I was pretty much the only girl around and that's why he had taken an interest to me. Because he was bored and he constantly had to have a woman falling at his feet. Well, this woman wasn't going to fall at his feet. This wasn't about him anyway it was about the music. Some irrelevant boy wasn't going to get in the way of that. I questioned myself a little though. Why did I allow myself to feel special? What would someone like him want with someone like me? To be honest, I wouldn't want me either. If everyone and I do mean _everyone_ hated me why would a guy with _billions_ of girls chasing after him would give me the time of day? I was stupid. And blind. And I would never be worth him anyway. The girls I saw on those pages were supermodels, singers, actresses, and Hollywood heartthrobs... not some seriously messed up girl from a small town with more issues than she can count.

I walked into the arena and threw their snacks down on a chair.

"Sam!" Hunter cried and ran to greet me. He wrapped him arms around me in a warm hug. I stiffened tightly at him embrace keeping my arms glued firmly to my side. He let go after a few seconds of no response. He looked into my face, studying me for any sign of what he might of done.

"Are you-" He started.

"I'm fine." I said a bit coldly.

"Have I done something?" He questioned, raising an eye. I shook my head stubbornly.

"OKAY, GUYS HUDDLE UP!" Connie yelled.

"We'll talk later." He said.

"Oh, no we won't!" I protested under my breathe.

"Okay, lads this is the last rehearsal. You know what that means right? We've got to kill it. I mean, _kill it._ This is for the fans, _your_ fans. This is your moment to shine, don't let us down. Ready? All4U on three..." Connie said. We all put our hands in the middle. Hunter's was covering mine. I quickly moved my hand to the bottom. His followed mine. I shot him an annoyed look.

"One, two, three... ALLFORU!" We all cried. I jogged over to my place at the side of the stage and grabbed my guitar. I could feel Hunter's eyes boring into me. I kept my eyes glued on my guitar, strumming it lightly. I looked up and met his gaze for one moment before looking back down quickly. I was almost tempted to hold his longing gaze for a few more moments though. His blue-green orbs were piercing like daggers in the middle of his face and when you looked in them you almost had no choice but to be captivated.

The song began and I strummed my first few chords. The boys sounded so good. They're voices blended together perfectly erupting a sweet melody into my ears. I smiled at the sound. Their harmony was perfect. By far the best I'd ever heard. I could understand why they had captured the heart of practically every teenage girl in the world. They deserved it and I was proud to be a part of this no matter what happened. These boys were amazing.

I was so caught up in their angelic voices that I almost missed my big finishing note. I let the note hold out in it's eerie wailing tone for a while then abruptly cut it off. I was getting good at this.

"Lunch break?" Hunter asked, once the song ended. All the boys grinned at Connie. Connie rolled her eyes. He looked up at her like a small child timidly telling Santa what he wanted for Christmas. She smiled and shook her head. He was just too cute for her to say no to.

"Fine, lunch break." She said with a sigh. The boys all cheered and scattered into different directions. I started quickly toward the door. I wanted to eat alone today. I wasn't in the mood for company at all. I felt a tap on my shoulder. I gritted my teeth and turned around slowly. It was Hunter.

"Yes?" I said, trying to remain calm. I was about to blow. I could feel the anger seething inside of me. He needed to leave me alone. I was in no mood to be hurt any further than the damage that had already been done.

"Would you like to grab a bite to eat?" He asked.

"Not today. I'm busy." I said, trying to get past him.

"Are you okay?" He asked, stepping in my path.

"Yes. I'm fine." I said, pushing past.

"Are you mad at me?" He questioned, running to catch up with me.

"No." I said through clenched teeth.

"Then why are you-" He started.

"I WANT TO BE ALONE!" I screamed. He stopped walking abruptly.

"Oh, I-I'm sorry." He said, the life draining from his face. I walked briskly to my car, slammed the door, and sped off. I didn't have time for this... any of this. This is _not_ what I signed up for. I signed up to be a musician not an actor in a soap opera. He was a little fake. Fakes don't make it anywhere, only the originals are what's worth keeping. Originals can't be replaced and I was original.

When I came back from lunch, Hunter avoided eye contact with me at all times. I knew that I had probably really hurt his feelings and I even considered apologizing. I knew I wouldn't be able to do that though. I was still angry and there was no point in apologizing when I was still holding a grudge. Not to mention, I didn't feel I was the one at fault in this situation at all. I was horrible at apologizing anyway. It wasn't my thing and if I could avoid it all costs I did.

But there was no time to think of such silly things. Our first concert was in two days and we started traveling tomorrow. I had never been away from home before. Not even really for a sleepover or slumber party because I didn't get invited to many of those to be honest. I was really excited, but I was dreading saying good-bye to my mom. I felt like we were just starting to get along. But I guess I'd just have to enjoy the little bit of time that I had left with her. Everyone said bye to each other after rehearsal then we went our separate ways for the night. Hunter still continued to avoid contact of any sort with me and I sure wasn't in any way attempting to reach out to him either. I wasn't the pursuing type.

When I got home, Mom was at the door with a stern expression written on her face. She was holding the magazine cover that had Hunter and I together at the cafe plastered on the front. There were "exclusive" pictures of him helping me out of the car and pulling my chair out for me. I wondered what kind of creepy person got those pictures. It scared me a little that I was being so closely observed.

"What...is this?" Mom asked slowly.

"I don't want to talk about it." I said, starting up the stairs.

"Well, I do, young lady!" She said, her voice rising a bit.

"It's not important." I said, becoming less patient by the second.

"Is this something going on between the two of you?" She interrogated.

"No, there isn't." I said, biting my tongue to keep from screaming at her.

"This magazine says otherwise." She said waving it in my face.

"Well, that's a lie!" I screamed, slapping the magazine away.

"DO NOT RAISE YOUR VOICE AT ME!" Mom screamed back.

"YOU NEVER TRUST ME!" I cried.

"MAYBE IF YOU WERE BETTER BEHAVED IT WOULD BE EASIER TO TRUST YOU!" She shrieked. She looked like she regretted it when she said it.

"I hate you. I'll hate you forever. I may be your daughter, but I will never be your friend. You can't understand me and you're the one person who's actually supposed to. I'll hate you forever for that." I said. I stormed up the stairs. All I needed was a friend. One friend. My own mother couldn't give me that. Did anybody hear me? Or was I just a broken girl screaming into an empty world.

CHAPTER NINE: PICKING UP THE PIECES

I packed up my stuff and got ready to hit the road the next morning. I wasn't leaving on very good terms with my mother and I hated that. I thought maybe we could make it right before I left, but by the look that was on her face I didn't seeing that happening. She hugged me good-bye, but it was a light and effortless hug. It diffidently wasn't a "I won't see you for nine more months" hug good-bye. I opened my mouth to say something, but shut it again quickly. There was just no use trying to mend what had already been ripped apart. I trudged to my car feeling as if I'd just had the life ripped out of me. I was numb as I make the long, lonely drive to the arena. The boys greeted me and started to help me unload my things. The gesture was nice, but I was unable to thank them. My mind was elsewhere.

"Do you like it?" Connie asked.

"It's amazing. I can't believe I get a whole bus to myself." I said, smiling.

"We just want to make you as comfortable as possible." She stated.

"Thank-you. I really do appreciate that." I stated.

"We leave in an hour or two. So you can explore while we're getting everything together."

"Thank-you." I said with a smile. I pulled my laptop out and checked for wi-fi. I decided to get on hulu. When I typed in 'H' the most searched result popped up. It was Hunter Thompson. I couldn't resist. When I clicked it thousands of websites filled the page. I clicked one that lead me to a link of an interview with Hunter.

"So, Hunter there's been a lot of pictures of you and actress Bailey Andrews. Any comments?" The interviewer asked.

"Uh, we're good friends." He said with a cheeky little grin. I shook my head.

"NOT TRUE! YOU DATE EVERY GIRL YOU SEE!" I screamed at the computer screen.

"Is that why you've been avoiding me?" A voice from behind me asked. I shrieked out loud and slammed the laptop shut. I jumped to my feet and spun around to see who had intruded into my bus, catching me in my moment of weakness.

"Oh, Hunter... wh-what are you doing in here?" I asked, my cheeks burning.

"I thought I'd check up on you." He said.

"I'm great. I've never been better really. Thanks for checking in." I said trying, to shoo him out the door. He spun around quickly and took my by the shoulders.

"You think I'm a player, don't you?" He inquired, looking me deep in the eyes. I opened my mouth to say something, but no words came out.

"That's not me anymore. I've changed." He said, solemnly.

"I don't believe you." I replied, stubbornly.

"Then let me prove it." He said, taking my hand. There was a copy of his latest magazine lying on my coffee table. I ripped from his grip and flipped to the page with him partying with practically every girl in Hollywood.

"You can't argue with that." I said, pointing to the pictures.

"I can try." He said, taking my hand again and pulling me out of the bus. He opened his car door and looked at me expectantly.

"Where are we going?" I asked.

"You'll see." He said with a smile playing on his lips. We drove on in silence for a few minutes.

"You shouldn't believe everything you see." He said, suddenly breaking the silence.

"There's proof." I protested.

"There is absolutely no proof. Those reporters don't know me... nobody does." He said quietly. I could relate to him in a way. Nobody knew me either, but in his case it might be worse because he can't complain or talk to anyone about it. Everything he said was a headline for some stupid magazine article. He had nowhere to hide. No escape.

He stopped the car and helped me out.

"Wow." I breathed. It was a huge mountainous hill over-looking all of Los Angelos. I could see the Hollywood sign off in the distance as clear as day. I felt like I could touch it. He sat on the hood of his car and motioned for me to join him.

"This is beautiful." I mused.

"I know. I come here often to clear my head." He said, gazing out at it. I kept my gaze locked on it too. It captivated my entire being, I didn't think I had ever seen anything so beautiful in my life. It was the perfect day for it. It seemed we could touch the turquoise sky. The illusion was created that it was only hovering inches above us. It's wispy, cotton-candy looking clouds hung above our heads and the wind blew softly, tossing Hunter's curls.

"So how many girls have you taken here?" I teased.

"You're the first." He said, setting his eyes on me. I kept my eyes out on the beautiful view in front of me. He must have noticed my stubbornness I was displaying by refusing to look at him because he put gently turned my face toward him. I looked at him softly.

"You're scared, aren't you?" He asked.

"Of you? I'm not scared of anything." I scoffed.

"Not just of me. You're scared of loving. You don't know what it feels like to love someone or something. I don't think you even know how and it's about time someone teaches you. You try to run from the feelings that well deep inside you and tug at your soul, but you know you can't. No matter how hard you try you just can't run away from me. It doesn't matter where you go, how fast you run, or how far you turn from me... every step you take is just one step closer to my arms." He said, looking at me with fiery eyes. I was taken aback by his cockiness.

"You can't make me love you." I scoffed.

"I can try." He stated.

"And you can't fix the pieces of me that are already broken." I added, stubbornly.

"But I can try and pick up the pieces." He said, tenderly.

"There are too many pieces to pick up. I'm already shattered." I said, standing my ground.

"I like a challenge." He said with a smirk. I was infuriated! I knew it. All I was to him was a little challenge.

"Ohhh, I see! _That's_ all you see me as. You see me as a challenge. I'm the one girl that doesn't drool all over you and that drives you crazy. You're used to every girl you see falling all over you! You're so cocky you can't stand it when just one girl isn't end to you. This is all a little game to you and I'm the prize. Well, I got news for you! I'm not gonna let some cocky rich kid, rock star, play-"

He cut me off with a kiss. I was surprised. I'd never been kissed before. My eyelids fluttered closed as he pulled me closer. I tried to rip away, but his hand rest firmly on the back of my head. I felt him smile into the kiss. I ripped away from him my eyes as wide as saucers. He was still cupping my face. I set my eyes on the ground, embarrassed to look him in the face. He tilted my chin up, forcing me to look into his blue-green eyes that a girl could practically swim in.

"You're not a challenge. You're not like the other girls I've been with." He said, tucking a piece of hair behind my ear. I was shaking. Being so close to him scared me to death. He wrapped his arms around me and pulled me closer. He could feel me shaking and I knew it.

"I hope I'm not like the other girls." I stated. My hands stayed clamped together in my lap. He stroked my hand softly before taking it.

"You're not. You're different." He whispered. I nodded.

"I've known that for a long time." I said. He drew lips to my ear.

"Please don't be scared. I won't hurt you." He whispered. I swallowed hard.

"I'll keep you safe." He said.

"I can protect myself." I said, still a bit stubborn.

"Now you won't have to anymore."

The next morning, I woke up with a strange fluttery feeling down inside of me. It was a queer sensation that I wasn't quite used to feeling before. I was also really scared when I woke up because I wasn't used to waking up in an unfamiliar place. It was strange waking up on the tour bus, but I guess I was just going to have to get used to that. In an hour or so we would be arriving at the arena for our very first gig. I was so excited. This was the moment that I had been waiting for my entire life. I sat there dreaming about it until the bus came to a sudden stop.

"We're here!" The bus driver grunted. I shot up and darted out the door of the bus. I could heard the crowd's deafening shrieks from miles away. They were absolutely electic and I could already feel the energy. A smile played on my lips as I thought of the millions of people and cameras that would be there tonight. This was big... huge actually. I saw Hunter getting off his bus as well and I was actually working up the courage to approach him when I was drug off to hair and makeup. Rows and rows of cosmetics were lined up in front of me. The table was cluttered with hair products, straighteners, curling irons, and hair pins of all sorts. This was more beauty supplies than I had ever seen in my entire life. Before I knew it, makeup brushes were running over every inch of my face.

"What kind of makeup do you usually use, doll?" The stylist asked.

"Um, I uh-" I stuttered. _Nothing could possibly help this_ face I thought.

"You know what, it's fine we're just gonna use what we got." She said, slapping foundation onto my face. I started giggling like a little kid when the sloppy, wet substance hit my face. It was diffidently something that I wasn't used to. The stylist gave me a funny look, but continued to rub it on me. I continued to squirm and laugh like a little kid. She then applied a powdery blush to my cheeks and started putting on mascara. Now the mascara was a little too much for me to handle and a little too close to my eye. I think my reaction to that was less than desirable for her. I used to put it on myself, but I guess somewhere along the lines I gave up trying. It was an occasional thing for me.

When, she was done mauling my face I went and looked in the mirror. I gasped at the reflection that I captured in the glass. I looked... pretty. The even more overwhelming thing was that I _felt_ pretty too. I'd never really experienced that feeling before. I softly put my hands on the glass making sure my eyes didn't deceive me and the reflection I caught was reality.

I looked really good with my perfect curls, red lips, and skin that looked flawless. I almost seemed to glow. I couldn't believe my eyes.

I felt two strong arms wrap around me from behind. I flinched and almost screamed out loud. It was Hunter.

"You scared me." I stated, my breathing rate returning to normal. He chuckled. His laugh was deep and throaty and I loved hearing it. He looked in the mirror at the both of us.

"You look stunning, babe." He whispered. I giggled. His breathe tickled my skin.

"You know what?" I whispered.

"What?" He said, looking me in the eye.

"For the first time in my life I kind of feel like it." I said, grinning from ear to ear. He grinned right along with me.

"You're always beautiful, love." He said, twirling me to get a good look at me. He leaned in to kiss me. I stood frozen for a minute not wanting to close the gap between the two of us. I was still scared. Just, kind of scared of getting hurt.

"YOU'RE ON, BOYS!" Connie cried, breaking our moment. He snapped back into reality and scurried out of the room. The boys did exactly as Connie said. She was like a mother to them while they were on tour. Sometimes I wish I had someone who cared for me in that way.

"Sam, you get out here too!" Connie cried. I ran my fingers through my curls and glanced at myself one last time in the mirror before darting out the door. My guitar was handed to me as I followed closely behind the boys onto the stage. The noise was absolutely mind-blowing. Their shrieks were shrill and high-pitched practically breaking the sound barrier. When the boys came out they roared and erupted into even louder cheering. Most of them were screaming, others sobbing, and some just stood there with their jaws open not coming to the conclusion that this was real life and that they were actually here.

The boys ran onto the stage and the stadium absolutely erupted in hysterical shrieks, the walls seemed to be rattling, the floor felt like it was shaking, and I honestly thought that the ceiling might cave in. My ears were buzzing already. The sound was earth shattering.

"How's everybody doing tonight?" Logan asked. The crowd roared in reply.

"Good, then? Alright, I'm so glad you guys came out." Corey said. Again, another round of ear-splitting shrieks.

"As you know this our first show of the tour and we are so glad to be having this first show in the _beautiful_ city of Los Angelos." Hunter said. Cue the rattling shrieks again.

"Well, thank-you for having us. We're throwing it back to the song you first heard from us. Here... is "Light Me with Your Love" please enjoy." Hunter said. I twanged the first notes of the song loudly before jumping into the chorus. The crowd was bobbing to the song, dancing, and singing along. The energy in the arena was completely electric and I was proud to be a part of it. The shrieks didn't die down even when the boys were singing, in fact they only screamed louder. I don't think they even really cared that much about hearing the song, they were just in awe of being in the boy's presence. I glanced at all the signs every where. It looked like a lot of people had put a whole lot of effort into them. I was impressed. These fans were amazing.

A round of rumissing shrieks pulled my attention back. The song had just ended. I had played the entire song without paying a lick of attention... I was getting a lot better than I thought.

Cameras flashed everywhere. I heard a few girls scream for me to look at their video cameras and I looked shyly at a few even though most of the faces in the crowds were just blurs. The whole stadium was sort of like a black hole swirling in front of me. I couldn't hear a word they were saying and their faces were blurred from the harsh lighting. The show went on smoothly and we ended the first half. The boys would come back for an encore, then a finishing song to close the show. They stood on a panel that sunk down and lowered them beneath the stage. As Hunter was darting to the spot he had to be, he kissed my cheek while running past. I flinched a little. I wondered if any of the girls had seen it. Probably not, I mean they were pretty far from the stage, right? But I knew they all had their cameras zoomed in as close as they could to watch Hunter's every move and capture it on video. I had seen some fan-made concert videos before and they were always extremely close up. People watched Hunter like a vulture too, seeing as he was the ladies man of the four. I just shook my head as someone from their management came out and tried to entertain them.

They let me go back beneath the stage as well for a break. They wanted me to be able to touch up my hair and makeup as well as the boys. I had to look nice too. Everyone associated with the boys did.

When I got backstage, the boys were in their dressing rooms hurrying to get their change of clothes on. I sat on the bench near their room. Our drummer sat beside me.

"That was crazy." I said, as he sat down. I think I was getting a bit more social seeing as I was the one to speak first. If you haven't noticed I'm a bit socially awkward, but I think I have a pass seeing as I'm alone all the time.

"It's always like that." He said, with a deep laugh. His voice was deep and raspy. He had dark hair that jetted downwards in a mass swooping by his face and deep dark-colored eyes. His lips were a soft and light color and his dark tan skin highlighted his light pink lips. He was masculine with broad shoulders and a distinctly set collar bone. Something about his collar bone was weird though and I didn't know quite why it looked so weird to me. His looks were just so featured and exotic. He noticed me studying him.

"You okay there, love?" He said with a chuckle.

"Yes, of course. Sorry." I said, blushing. He shot me a cheeky look.

"I'm Kade. I don't believe we've properly met before." He said, sticking out his hand.

"I'm Sam." I said, taking his hand and giving it a firm shake.

"You like it here so far?" He asked, as shrieks erupted in the background.

"Yes, I love it. It's crazy here." I said.

"Yeah, well better get used to it. It's like this most of the time. Sometimes even worse." He stated.

"How could it get any worse?" I questioned.

"Oh, you'd be surprised." He said, with a laugh. The boys came tumbling out of the dressing room. They were stick hopping from foot to foot to get their socks and shoes on. Hunter fumbled with his microphone while walking, banging it against his hand to turn it on.

"Well, that's our cue." Kade said, slowly getting up. He looked back at me as he walked toward the stage. Something about him was weird and intriguing and I didn't know why. I grabbed my guitar and ran toward the stage.

The rest of the night went as planned. It was a loud, crazy, and ear-shattering experience. But I enjoyed every second of it. The boys were pooped by the end of the show. I walked into the instrument storage room to set down my guitar.

There was a mirror taking up the wall. As I walked by, I examined myself. I just couldn't believe it was me. I couldn't believe that _I_ could ever be beautiful. Beautiful is never a word I would use to describe myself in a million years and diffidently not a word I would use as a feeling I've experienced. A pair of hands reached out and grabbed me. I screamed.

"Shhh, it's just me." Hunter said. His voice was worn out and raspy. He was lying lazily on the couch and he pulled me on with him. He snuggled into me.

"You scared me." I giggled. He chuckled. The chuckle came deep within his throat. His eyes were already half closed. He kissed my cheek, too lazy to take his lips off even when he spoke.

"I seem to do that often, don't I?" He muttered, lips still on my cheek.

" Yes, you do. Do you think they saw?" I asked.

"Saw what?" He asked, laying his cheek on mine.

"You kissed me when you walked by." I said. His face was smooshed on mine so I could barely talk.

"Maybe...who cares?" He asked. I could feel his jaw moved when he talked.

"I do." I said. He lifted his head to look at me, it looked like it took a lot of effort to do that. He craned his neck a little, his face inches from mine.

"Why?" He asked, sleepily.

"Because they'll hate me." I said. His tired expression changed into a more solemn one.

"You're right, you know. They hate everyone I've ever dated. Our fans are very...dedicated. Sam, if you're with me you have to realize that the fans are going to be savagely jealous. Stories are going to come out and people will spread rumors. Are you sure that you want to be with me?" He asked. I hesitated a moment and looked into his sleepy, hollow eyes. I drew in a deep breathe before slowly nodding. He grinned from ear to ear then pulled me closer. I stiffened in his arms, refusing to move. I didn't touch him. I didn't really _want_ to fall in love with him, but it seemed he was determined to make that happen. But I had been let down so many times and I just don't think that I could afford to get my heart broken. Not this time. Not again.

CHAPTER TEN: Broken and gone

I was in my tour bus all alone when I heard a faint tapping noise. I rolled out of bed and tumbled onto the floor. I stumbled to my feet and trudged to my window to see what the commotion was. I saw Hunter standing and tossing pebbles at the side of my bus. He had a big, goofy grin on plastered on his face as if he contained some secret I was unaware of.

"Good morning, gorgeous!" He cried. I walked to the door and opened it.

"What are you doing here?" I asked.

"I wanna take you somewhere." He said, grinning cheekily. I raised an eyebrow and clung a little tighter onto the door frame.

"Oh, come on! Don't be scared. I promise you'll love it." He stated, still smiling.

"Oh, alright, but wipe that goofy grin off your face." I said.

"You make me smile." He stated. I rolled my eyes.

"Cheesy." I muttered.

"Hey, I heard that!" He cried, opening his car door. I slid in and he started the engine up. He had a sharpie, a bunch of paper, and a jar all sitting on his dashboard. His car was usually completely spotless.

"What's this?" I asked, grabbing the mess up off the dashboard.

"Nothing." He said, quickly snatching the items out of my hands.

"You're making me nervous now." I said. He just grinned at me. I melted a little when he did. When he smiled his eyes light up and his dimples showed deep within his cheeks. For the first time, I smiled back at him. I hated to smile and to be honest being with Hunter was the most I'd smiled in quite sometime. It was weird how he just accepted me. I didn't even try to impress him. Usually, when I liked someone I was awkward, weird, and even mean sometimes. I just didn't know how to act.

He patted my knee, snapping me back into attention.

"I like this song." I said, humming along. A dark look passed over him.

"You okay?" I asked.

"It reminds me of someone." He muttered. I studied the look on his face.

"Bailey?" I said, after a moment of silence. He jumped a little at her name.

"How did you know about her?" He almost hissed.

"I saw an interview." I replied, quietly. A satisfied smile crossed his lips as he looked at me.

"You were stalking me?" He asked, looking over at me.

"N-no, of course not! That's ridiculous." I replied, quickly. I couldn't look him in the eyes when I said it though because it was completely true. I stalked him because wanted to know _about_ him, but I didn't want to get know him personally. I felt his lips against my cheek. The feeling sent shivers down my spine. He must have felt me shiver because he pulled me closer, his lips pressing a little harder. A horn blared at us making him jump and me scream. The light had turned green. We both laughed as the driver shouted at us. He sped off to catch up with the other cars in front of us, still laughing as he did.

"Did you love her?" I asked, breaking the silence after a while. He sighed heavily and had a far off look his eyes.

"Yes... yes, I loved her very much." He stated.

"What went wrong then?" I questioned.

"Everyone thinks that I broke her heart. That I cheated, or I thought I was too good. Mostly, that I couldn't die down and commit to anyone or anything. It's not true. _She_ cheated and _she_ thought she was too good. The things she said to me were enough to make the toughest man in the world cry. Then, I saw her with my best friend. That was the end. She ripped me apart. It's hard to love when someone has shattered every piece of you. I gave her all I had." He said, his voice breaking a bit. I stared at him not knowing how to comfort him. I lightly touched him. He put his hand on mine, before kissing it.

"I don't need her." He whispered. I swallowed hard, staring at his fiery eyes.

"I have you now, babe." He whispered. He lightly put his finger beneath my chin and lifting my face. I nodded.

"You have me. I'm your's." I whispered back. When I said it out loud, I felt as if it were official. I belonged to him and him to me. There was no more questioning if I was actually good enough or if he really loved me. Because I knew now he did and for the first time I actually _felt_ loved. He slid out of the car, opened my door, then took my hand. I didn't say anything, just let him lead me wherever we were going. He took me onto the beach. The sand felt good against me feet and the wind was lightly blowing his blonde waves. It looked like something off a movie. He started up the highest dune in the entire beach. We both climbed and crawled through the cool sand until we finally reached the top. He offered me his hands. I took them gladly as he pulled me up.

"It's beautiful." I whispered. He nodded. We both looked out on the turquoise blue water. The sun set into it, exploding orange and yellow colors into the pink sky. The sun reflected and glinted in the water. Hunter turned me to face me. I looked into his eyes. They were a deep blue that seemed to match the water. He held out a bunch of strips of paper and a sharpie to me.

"I want you to write down every mean name you've ever been called before." He said. My jaw dropped practically to the floor.

"What? Why? No." I said, stubbornly. I don't want to bring those memories back. They're forgotten. They're painful.

"Please...just trust me." He said, putting the sharpie in my hand.

I crossed my arms and huffed out a stubborn sigh.

"I won't do it." I said, shaking my head firmly.

"Sam, do you not trust me?" He questioned.

"Not at the moment." I stated. Hunter looked at me with his big, blue, pleading eyes.

"Whatever." I muttered. I set my jaw angrily. I didn't know why he was making me do this. Was he mocking me? Maybe those magazines were right. Maybe he was a jerk. I started sloppily scribbling the mean names I had been called on the strip of paper I'd been given. _Ugly. Fat. Stupid. Dumb. Worthless. Odd. Outcast. Unwanted. Unloved. Unaccepted. Idiot. Jerk. Mean. Attention seeker._ Before I knew it I had filled up every bit of space on all the papers. When I was done I looked up at Hunter. He was staring off into the sunset, his hair slightly ruffled from the wind. He looked beautiful, right now, breathe taking to be honest. He set his fiery blue eyes on me while holding out his hand. I placed the papers in his hand and watched silently as he shoved them in the jar. He screwed the lid onto the jar and chucked it off the top of the dune. I heard the glass shatter loudly and looked down at the millions of pieces lying in the sand. A gust of wind came and blew the papers away. I watched as the papers flew with the breeze off into the fiery sunset. They blew far, far away from where I stood.

The tide came in and took every single one of the pieces of glass away with it as well.

"Those words and things don't have to be in your mind anymore." Hunter said softly, as he kissed my head. I looked out into the sunset where those words lie, desingrated and ruined. They were burned and never able to be accessed again.

"As for the pieces that were broken... they're all picked up now." He said, gesturing to the ocean where the broken shards of glass lie.

"Broken and gone." I said, looking far out into the ocean. I felt him lightly lift my wrist with his fingertips. He wrote the word "STRONG" in big, black, bold letters across my wrist. The way he did his letters was beautiful. They curled in a very specific, artistic way. Hunter grinned cheekily at me. He lifted me up, threw me over his shoulder, and bounded down the dune.

"HUNTER! STOP!" I squealed. He spun around, making me explode into giggles. He then ran toward the ocean.

"Oh my gosh, you better not!" I cried. He continued running toward it.

"I'm warning you! I'll kill you!" I screamed. He ran into the ocean and dropped me into the water. I gasped as the freezing water made contact with my skin. He just laughed and pulled me into his chest. I shivered, which only made him cold me tighter. I could feel his body shivering from the cold as well.

"I can't believe you!" I cried, shakily. I pushed him off me and splashed him. He fell back a little which was the perfect opportunity for me to grab him and dunk him under. He came back up, his mouth gaping wide open as he gasped for air.

"Oh, you shouldn't have done that!" He screamed. He ran toward me. I tried to run, but my legs couldn't seem to push through the water fast enough. I felt his arms grab me from behind then he lifted me over my head as if I were weightless.

"Please don't dunk me." I said, poking out my bottom lip in a pouty gesture. I batted my eyelashes at him and he grinned a little.

"You're cute." He said. I smiled and shrugged.

"I know." I said, cockily.

"But cute won't get you out of this." He said, as he tossed me into the water. I made a huge splash as my body was catapulted into the water. I gasped for air as I broke the surface.

"I'm going to kill you." I said, starting toward him.

"Go right ahead." He said, yanking me toward him and kissing my lips. He cupped both sides of my face, his fingers spreading across my jaw to my neck. I slowly pulled my hands out of the water and wrapped them loosely around him. I kissed him back and for once I actually wasn't scared.

"I'm still mad though." I stated. He hugged me and tried to make up for his sneaky move. He was playing it tough, but I could feel him shivering too. We both couldn't take the cold much longer. He took my hand and lead me out of the water. He wrapped a towel around my shoulders and hugged me tightly to keep me warm. I nodded my gratitude unable to speak.

"Your lips are blue." He said with a shiver.

"It's cold." I said shakily. He pecked them softly and I felt the warmth of his when he did. When we got to the car, I stopped short.

"Hunter, we're gonna get the seats in your car all wet." I protested. He shrugged and looked at me.

"So?" He said.

"But this car is so nice." I said, looking at it admirable.

"Then you'll know all the pain I go through for you." He said, with a smile as he opened the car door. He was such a gentlemen. I eased slowly into the car, hearing the seat squish with water beneath me. I cringed when it made that sound, thinking of how expense these seats were. I hummed along to the radio merrily the whole way home, thinking of how lucky I was to have someone like him. I was lucky really just to have anyone in general.

The next morning, I woke in New York. The boys were playing a big show here and we had traveled over night. I listened to the blare of horns, the chatter of the bustling people, and breathed the fragrance of various sorts of food. I woke up, got out of the bus, and headed to the stage for rehearsals. As I walked in, I found Kade sitting all alone on the stage.

"Looks like I'm early." I said, looking around.

"Looks like it. Nobody usually gets up at this hour." He said, setting his dark eyes on me.

"Eh, the early bird gets the worm." I stated.

"You getting used to how things work around here?" Kade asked.

"I guess so. I mean it's hard to get used to something like this, but I think I'm getting the hang of it." I replied with a nod. He inched a bit closer with every word I said until he was about at arms length.

"I've always wanted to know how to playing guitar." He said, glancing at the guitar neck poking out from behind my back.

"It's easy. I could show you some time." I offered. It was an empty offer of course though.

"How about now?" Kade asked.

"Oh...of course." I said, a little taken aback. This guy jumped right into everything. He was different, but a good kind of different. He sat down in one of the arena seats and I hesitantly took a seat beside him.

"Okay, first put your hands here." I said, pointing to the guitar neck. He was awful. No matter how I tried to describe it he simply wouldn't place his hand on the right spot of the neck. So I put my hands over his trying to guide him better. He smiled a little when I did and I wasn't sure why. He looked at my wrist and took it softly in his hand.

"Why does it say that?" He asked, staring at the word. It was the word " **Strong** " written in bold letters from the day before when Hunter had wrote it there. I shifted uncomfortably, trying to take my wrist away. His grip remained firm though. He pulled up his shirt sleeve to reveal the same word tattooed in the same bold letters on his upper arm. He held my wrist next to his forearm and compared the two. They looked almost identical.

"We're the same." He whispered, looking from his arm to my wrist. I nodded, not knowing what to say.

"Tell me your story." He said, boldly. He was blunt and straight to the point. I liked that. I liked that a lot actually.

"How about you tell me your's first?" I asked, challenging his bravery.

"It's quite a long one." He informed.

"I've got time." I said, with a shrug. He took a deep breathe and stared off at the stage before beginning

"Well, I was home-schooled pretty much my entire which and as you can imagine that was a problem all of it's own. It works for some people, but not really for me. I wasn't that type. My parents and I fought a lot so it just wasn't working. My mom got a job when I was twelve and decided to put me in public school. Right away, I could tell how incredibly different I was from all the other kids. I dressed different, acted different, learned differently, and even talked differently. They hated me. Never in my life have I felt less accepted than when those school doors opened wide. I was picked last in just about everything. I remember sitting there miserably while they picked teams knowing I'd be last...every single day. I'd run home from school as fast as I could in fear of getting beat up and it actually happened a few times. But all of this changed one day. I met a girl and her name was Jade. I know it sounds cheesy, but the minute I saw her I knew I loved her." He said with a far away look in his eyes. You could tell just by the way he said her name that he loved her.

"Jade was the prettiest girl in school with long blonde, flowing hair and crystal blue eyes. When she smiled at me it was kind of like nobody else in the world existed. I was dared one day to ask her out. They knew I'd only embarrass myself and she'd reject me, but I wanted to prove them wrong. Then...she said yes. She told me to pick her up at seven and that I better not be late. All the guys sat there with their jaws hanging to the floor. We dated from sophomore year until senior year. I was positive that was the girl I'd spend the rest of my life with. But then...something happened." His eyes flickered when he said it and I could tell a dark memory was popping into his head.

"It was on the year of our third anniversary. I had dinner reservations and that was when I was planning to purpose." He said, tears beginning to form in his dark eyes.

"Purpose?! How old are you?" I asked.

"Nineteen...I know I'm young. But when you love someone like that age doesn't seem to really matter that much anymore." He said, a smile forming on his lips. I shrugged and leaned forward intently ready for him to continue his story.

"I was with some friends and we were being really stupid. I had gotten this new car and I was so stoked to drive it. My buddies asked me to race. Jade said it was a bad idea, but I didn't care. I told it would all be okay... I lied. I was going so fast and then I slammed on the breaks. She was the only one not wearing a seat-belt. She went through the windshield and..." His voice started to quiver. He looked away from me. He was trying to be tough. I almost reached out to comfort him, but I stopped myself. I just stayed quiet, the silence willing him to go on.

"I remember her hands flying out in front of me then her screaming...then silence. I hit my head on the dashboard and collar bone on the dashboard. I knocked out." Kade said. He pulled down his shirt collar, revealing his deformed collar bone. I always knew that there was something weird about that neck of his.

"When, I woke up they told me that she was gone. I remember trying to get out of the hospital bed and get to her. I didn't believe them. I didn't believe that the only girl who actually accepted me was gone. She was my best friend... my only friend." He said, sighing heavily. He traced his fingertips over his tattoo.

"I got this tattoo to remember her. To tell myself that I am strong even without her...it's a lie though. I'm weak without her. I'm nothing without her." He said quietly.

"How long has it been?" I asked.

"Two years. I spent a year of that under house arrest for my stupid driving. They make it sound like I did it on purpose...like her death was completely my fault. When all I was trying to do was have a happy ever after. So much for happy ever after." Kade said.

"So how did you end up here?" I questioned.

"Well, my mom decided that I couldn't go back to school during my house arrest session. I didn't really wanna go back either. Because that school was where we first met, where I first asked her out, and where we first kissed. Just every where I went in that school reminded me of her. I was allowed to go to church and school during my arrest and that was it. Seeing as I didn't go to school I spent most of my time at home. That was the worst thing I could have done. All I did that entire year was sit on my bed and think of what I'd done. I wish that they would've locked me up. At least then I would have felt like I was paying for my crime instead of just sitting around killing myself with guilt. After my arrest was over, I decided that I had to get out of there. The house held too many memories and I just couldn't deal with this anymore. That's when I tried out to be the boy's drummer, spent the year touring with them, and the rest is history." He said. Silence fell over us for a moment.

"That's...amazing. You deserve that tattoo more than I do." I said, pointing to his forearm.

"So what about you? What's _your_ story?" He asked.

"Well, to make the long story short. I've been bullied for years, I hate my mom, and my brother completely walked out on our family." I stated.

"I feel your pain." He said.

"I remember every night just wanting to sleep...forever." I said quietly.

"I don't see the difference in that and saying you want to die." Kade said, setting his dark eyes on me.

"That's because there is no difference." I admitted, ashamed. I expected him to judge me for saying that...for saying I wanted to die, but instead he looked at me so tenderly. A look of compassion crossed over his face and he said this,

"I felt that way too. I remember my mom would keep this little bottle of sleeping pills on the counter and I'd look at it lustfully. I wanted to take every single one and sleep...forever. But whenever I got the courage I chickened out. My heart beat fast, my knees got weak, and I even scared myself a little. It scared me that these weren't just little thoughts in the back of my mind anymore... they now seemed real. So I know what it's like to want to sleep...forever." Kade said quietly.

"But I felt like I was just getting used to the idea of being alone and then all this happens." I said.

"I think that when we're searching so hard for company we never seem to find it. Because while you're busy working so hard for the attention of others you might just miss what's been right under your nose waiting for you. Don't run so fast in life that you pass by the real friends." Kade said. Whoa. That was deep.

"To me it's easier just not to make friends. I feel like I take them for granted then when I really do come to the realization of how much they mean to me and voice it...they leave." I stated.

"I think I've come to the conclusion that those kind of people are put in our life for a very specific reason. Once you realize how much you need them they leave because their job is done. They've made a mark in your life and heart that will stay forever. Then God passes them along to someone else so they can change their lives as well... at least that's what I think God did with Jade." Kade said softly.

"Yeah, I think I've made some friends like that here." I said weakly.

"You're with Hunter aren't you?" He asked. I looked away a little embarrassed not wanting to answer the question. He set his dark eyes on me and I felt like they were boring into my soul...like he looked right through me.

"Just promise me you'll be careful, okay? They don't call him "trouble" for nothing." Kade said. I nodded solemnly, but I really wanted to change the subject.

"You believe in God?" I questioned, referring to his earlier statement.

"Yeah, I do actually. I used to go to church all the time when I was younger." Kade replied.

"I used to also...but then even church became and unsafe place for me." I admitted.

"Me too. I was in youth group and I used to love playing the games with the other kids. I'd get up in front of everyone and be so outgoing, but then I stopped. They'd sneer and make fun of me at every mistake and they'd chant for the opposite opponent no matter who it was. They hated me that much." Kade said softly.

"I know the feeling." I admitted, pain crossing over my face at the memories.

"You understand me." Kade said.

"Yeah...I guess I do." I said quietly.

"That's never happened before." Kade whispered.

"I've never belonged anywhere." I stated.

"We belong together. You belong to me." Kade seemed to blurt out. He looked like he regretted it when he said it, but I have to admit I agreed. We understood each other... we belonged together.

"Do you know where your brother is?" He asked, trying to change the subject. I shook my head.

"The last we heard from him he was in some rehab home in Tennessee." I said with a shrug.

"You know the boys will be stopping in Tennessee sometime soon. I could help you find him." He said.

"You would?!" I cried. He nodded. I looked at him suspiciously.

"But...why?" I asked.

"I guess I have to do a whole lot of good to cover up the bad I've done in the past." He said, setting his eyes at me. He looked at me as if I were glass. As if he could see right through me and that intrigued me. I wanted to get to know him more.

"So now that we got that out of the way, how about you show me another cord on this guitar?" He asked. I guided his hand to the next cord. Hunter walked in right about then. He cleared his throat loudly, causing me to jump back.

"Oh, uh...hi, Hunter." I said, awkwardly.

"What are you guys doing?" He asked, eying Kade angrily.

"I was teaching him some cords. Nothing big." I replied quickly.

"You don't play guitar, Kade. Maybe you should stick to what's yours." He said, with such fire in his eyes I thought he'd explode.

"Yes, sir," Kade said a bit sarcastically. He set his dark eyes on Hunter's green eyes and their icy stares were enough to kill. He walked slowly past Hunter grazing him a bit harshly when he walked by. His rebellious antics were so intriguing... I liked it. I liked him. I liked being understood.

CHAPTER ELEVEN: When you're in my arms

We had just arrived at our hotel for the night, but I hadn't unpacked my things into my room yet. Instead I sat in my tour room alone staring blankly at the television and thinking...mostly of Kade. I wondered what it was about him that captured my thoughts. A knock at the door shattered my thoughts and left them scattered in my brain. I walked to the door and Hunter burst in.

"Well, hi." I said a bit caught off guard.

"You're mine, you know?" Hunter asked angrily.

"You're jealous aren't you?" I questioned back. He shook his head defiantly.

"No, I'm not. There's nothing to be jealous of besides we have bigger problems." He stated. I raised an eyebrow wondered what dilemma occurred to make him forget the previous actions of today. He slapped a magazine in front of me. It was a picture of the two of us kissing plaster across the front page.

" **Player finds a new lady."** Was the headline. I stared angrily at the word "player" I didn't like to think that I was being played and every time that word was attached to my name it made me want to run. _They don't call him trouble for nothing..._ Hunter's words echoed in my mind. Hunter followed my gaze to the word.

"Sam?" Hunter whispered.

"Yes?" I acknowledged a bit coldly.

"You know in the movies how there's always this one girl that tames the wild guy and changes his outlook completely. From then on, every other girl he's ever been with means nothing to him...he only has eyes for her because she took the chance?" He asked. I nodded. I had seen many movies exactly like that.

"Well, you're that girl. You need to take the chance." He stated, looking me deep in the eyes. I didn't say anything, I just held his gaze.

"I wanna tell the world, Sam. Look they already know and they already assume it... let's tell the world." Hunter said.

"How?" I asked.

"I'll make it happen. Don't worry, just watch my interview on the tonight show while I'm gone, okay?" Hunter asked.

"I will." I said.

"You promise?" He asked, extending a pinky finger.

"I promise." I said, wrapping my pinky around his.

"Alright then, I gotta go. Just promise me you'll watch." He said, starting out the door.

"I said I promise." I said.

"Alright, I'm counting on it!" He said, as he kissed my head and hurried out the door. I shook my head a little. I didn't know if I was quite ready to come out with it yet. All this had happened so incredibly fast that it was just so hard to keep up with.

"Sam?" Connie called from outside the bus.

"Yes?" I answered. She popped her head in.

"Do you need help unloading for the night?" She asked. I looked at my massive mound of luggage lying in the corner then back to her.

"No." I said, shaking my head quickly.

"Alright, love if you need something just call." Connie said. I nodded. I really did need the help. It was going to take forever to get this luggage up there, but I needed to be alone right now...just me and my thoughts.

My whole situation just packed a load of insecurity on me. Like ugly clothes that you couldn't seem to pry off yourself. It I did go public with Hunter I would be under the watchful eye of the media. My every mistake would be splashed on the cover of a magazine and broadcast for everyone to see and I wasn't ready for that. I wasn't mature enough to handle that kind of pressie... maybe I'd go insane. Maybe I'd be like those people who go crazy and get locked up in a treatment house. Maybe I'd-

An ear-splitting, pleading cry snapped my back into attention. I stopped in my tracks and turned slowly. I looked down the hallway. All was quiet...all was still. I stood there motionless. The cry sounded again this time making my jump practically out of my skin. A few cries sounding after the monstrous ones, but softer and fainter. I followed the sound to a room...Kade's room. The door was slightly cracked so I barged right in. Kade was rolling on the floor screaming intoxicated.

"WHERE IS SHE?!" He screamed when he saw me.

"Kade, what are you talking about? Kade, no!" I screamed. He hurled his beer bottle across the room at the wall. The glass made a horrific sound as it hit the wall and the pieces came crashing onto the carpet. He began beating on the wall, screaming words of gibberish that I couldn't understand.

"Kade!" I screamed. I ran and fell to my knees beside him. I grabbed his wrist firmly to keep him from beating the walls in. He struggled and thrashed about trying to get away from me.

"WHERE IS SHE? WHERE'S MY BABY? BRING HER BACK!" He shrieked.

"Kade, no... no, she's gone." I stated firmly. He cried out loudly and thrashed about more.

"My baby's gone! She doesn't love me! WHY DOESN'T SHE LOVE ME!" He yelled wrenching his wrist free and punching the wall again. I grabbed both sides on his face and held it firmly in my hands.

"Kade, I need you to calm down. Please. You've got to stop this." I said, my voice quivering. His breathing started slowly to a normal pace. His head nodded back and forth. He unclenched his fist.

"Can you tell her I'm sorry? I'm so sorry...for what I've done." His words slurred.

"Yes, Kade...I'll tell her." I lied.

"She's gone because of me." He slurred, tears forming in his eyes.

"It's not your fault." I said.

"IT IS! IT'S ALL MY FAULT!" He screamed, ripping from my grip again. He grabbed another bottle and smashed it against the wall. I looked to the door. People were starting to come out of their rooms and watch him. I ran to the door and slammed it shut to save him any further embarrassment. I grabbed the collar of his shirt and jerked him into the bathroom. I got water from the sink and poured it over him. He screamed and started to shiver as the freezing water trickled down him. We continued this cycle of hot and cold sink showers until he had sobered up a bit.

"Here." I said giving him a towel. He wrapped the towel around his shivering body.

"Come with me." I commanded. He followed me obediently to the downstairs lobby with the towel still draped around his shoulders. I guided him across the street to a restaurant across from the hotel. I sat down at a table and he copied my actions, his head hung in shame. I ordered a huge hamburger hoping food would sober him up as well.

"I'm not hungry." He muttered.

"Well, you'd better eat." I said, hotly. He just nodded, hanging his head. Then, he burst into tears.

"I-I'm so sorry. I never meant to be like this." He sobbed holding his head in his hands.

"Kade, it's fine. It was a moment of weakness for you." I comforted. He shook his head, tears flowing down his face in a steady stream.

"Everything alright?" The waiter asked timidly approaching us.

"Yes, thank-you." I said as she set the hamburger on the table. She looked at him and back to me.

"Rough night." I whispered.

"Well... I hope he gets better." She said, awkwardly.

"Thanks, he'll be fine." I stated, accepting her sympathy on his behalf.

"No, I won't be! I'll never be." He sobbed.

"People are starring! Shut up and eat." I hissed. I didn't mean to be so forceful, but I felt I had to be. This was getting ridiculous. I shoved the hamburger towards him. He to stifle his sobs. Slowly, his sobs grew quieter and quieter until they turned to nothing but the sound of his hungry chewing. The hollow and distant look had disappeared from his face and his eyes looked alive and vibrant again. He was back. He set the hamburger down and looked me in the eyes. He opened his mouth to say something, but I cut him off.

"You don't have to thank me. As a matter of fact, you can pretend this never happened. But I do want to say one thing. You can drink as much as you want... you can smoke whatever you want. You can have a million girlfriends, but none of it will take the pain away. Sure, it may numb it for a little while, but you'll always wake up the with the pain stinging even more than it did before. Liquor won't bring your girlfriend back...remember that." I said. He looked at me then down to the floor. With that, I left him alone with his thoughts. He laid his head sleepily on the table as I walked out. I hoped to goodness he heard me, that he was sober enough to understand my words. They were important... they just might save his life.

I woke up around 2:00 pm. the next day. Dealing with Kade almost all night had completely worn me out. I popped right out of bed when I saw the clock. I was late...really late. I groaned loudly as I sprinted to the bathroom to get ready. I booked it to the arena to find the boys already rehearsing.

"And where have you been miss Sam?" Connie asked placing her hands on her hips.

"Sorry, I overslept." I said quickly. She shook her head at me.

"Don't let it happen again." She warned. I nodded.

"Now go find your place on stage." She said, pointing to my position.

"Where's Kade?" Hunter asked. My eyes widened. I wondered if he had enough sanity to make it here today.

"Do you know?" Logan asked looking at me. I shook my head quickly and set my eyes on the floor.

"Well, does _anyone_ know where Kade is?" Corey questioned looking around. As if one cue, Kade came bursting through the doors.

"Kade, you're late!" Connie said angrily.

"I know, I know. I'm sorry." Kade apologized repeatedly.

"So you're both late?" Hunter asked suspiciously.

"You two better start being on time or there's gonna be some consequences." Connie warned. We both nodded obediently.

"It won't happen again." Kade said quickly.

"It won't?" I asked. Did this mean he was giving up drinking? Did he actually take my advice? Connie gave me a filthy look.

"Oh, I mean it won't!" I covered quickly. Kade grinned at me from across the stage, he seemed to be holding back his laughter.

"Well, now that we've got that out of the way, let's play!" Connie said cuing us. I started with my guitar then Kade came in perfectly on time, the rhythm was precise and on beat, never missing a note. We both knew that this had to be a near perfect rehearsal to pay for our earlier actions. It wasn't my fault I was late though... I was only trying to help him...and I think I did. Just by the light in his face I could tell that nobody had ever told him drinking wasn't the answer. Either no one knew or they said that it was "just his way of coping" and I thought both were ridiculous. I'm glad I told him what he needed to hear. When rehearsals ended Hunter ran up to me as giddy as a school boy.

"Did you watch the interview?" He asked excitedly. Oh no. I completely forgot.

"Uh, um...well, you see I-" I stammered.

"You didn't watch it did you?" He cut me off angrily. The happy expression vanished from his face just as quickly as it had come. He shook his head slowly.

"What was so important that you had to miss my interview?" Hunter questioned. Before I even knew it, my eyes had drifted to Kade.

"Kade, of course." Hunter muttered under his breathe. It looked like even his name pained Hunter to say. He ran his fingers through his wavy hair in frustration.

"Hunter, I-I wish I could explain...but I can't." I stated. I couldn't possibly tell Hunter about Kade's drinking incident. I just couldn't stoop that low...even for Hunter

"You know what, love? It might be about time you make a decision who you wanna be with." He hissed angrily. He spun on his heels and stormed off. Part of me wanted to run after him, but I stopped myself. I let him go. I just couldn't make myself chase after him. I did him just like I did all my friends... I just surrendered and let them slowly slip from my fingertips just as quickly as they had come. I waited a few minutes before checking to see if his car was still here. It wasn't. He was gone. I saw skid marks on the parking lot where his car had been. He must have driven off fast and angry.

I sat on the hood of my tour bus and looked up at the sky. The clouds were so pretty like little white swirls painting into the perfect blue sky. I wish I had Hunter to share this view with. I felt a light tap on my shoulder. I turned around. It was Kade.

"Hey." He said, sliding onto the hood beside me.

"Hey." I said quietly. He turned to me abruptly.

"You know I'm really sorry about last night. I just, I-" He fumbled for the words.

"It's okay... you don't have to apologize. I understand." I said.

"You know you didn't have to do that, right? Nobody has ever really taken the time to help me... not like that anyway." Kade said.

"I guess I do have a bit of a forceful nature." I said with a laugh.

"You were right though... about how drinking doesn't numb the pain. It only makes it worse." Kade admitted.

"You heard what I said?" I asked in disbelief. He nodded.

"Kade... I want you to do me a favor." I said.

"Anything." He replied.

"You know how you said you'd go with me to find my brother at his rehab center?" I asked. Kade nodded.

"I wanna take you up on that, but not for me...for you. I want you to see what achocol and drugs can do to you if you rely on them. They can tear you up. I don't want you to drink away the pain anymore." I said gravely.

"I'll go...for you _and_ me." He agreed.

"You promise?" I asked. He grinned at me.

"I promise." He said solemnly. He looked deep into my eyes and I knew he meant that promise and that he'd keep it.

"Thanks, it means a lot." I said. He smiled again and looked at me. But this time it was different. The way he set his eyes on me gave me a queer feeling because it wasn't his usual dark look. His eyes seemed to be full of light when he looked at me. He seemed to be studying me...every inch of me. It made me uncomfortable. I shifted around a little awkwardly.

"Hey, Sam..." He said quietly.

"Yes, Kade?" I replied hesitantly.

"About all those bullies who called you ugly...they're such idiots. You're beautiful." Kade said a bit shyly. Every inch of me sizzled at that word, my cheeks burned like fire flaming beneath my skin. I bit my lip hard so he couldn't see the surprise in me. A feeling of surprise and shame both washed over me at the same time. I didn't feel beautiful, no one had ever liked me, I was awkward, and I didn't know how to take compliments.

"Thanks." I managed to croak out. He tilted my chin up, his touch ever so tender. It was the first time he'd ever really touched me. His fingertip rest lightly under my chin as he gently made my gaze meet his.

"You don't believe me." He whispered.

"I believe you." I lied. I smiled to myself.

"I think you're pretty too." I teased. He laughed. His laugh was like a bell chiming out, cutting the crisp air with it's majestic sound. I pulled away a little, feeling guilty. I was with Hunter now. I knew it was wrong to be feeling the way I was.

"Hey, I gotta go." I said quickly.

"Oh...okay." Kade said, surprised at me breaking the moment up so quickly. Just like that, I slid off the hood and scurried into the hotel. I couldn't fall in love with him... I couldn't let him pull me in. I couldn't let anyone pull me in for that matter. This was about me and my music... _me._ There was finally something in my life about ME. It felt good too.

I flopped lazily into my bed and sighed. I just remembered something. I never watched Hunter's interview that he was so eager for me to be there for. I opened my laptop and googled "All4U on late night show" a result popped up of the boys all sitting on a long couch in their suits and ties. I giggled. They looked really cute all dressed up like that. I clicked the interview and watched it for a while. I was just started to get bored and was about to change it when something that happened that almost made my eyes pop out of my head.

"So, Hunter are you single?" The interviewer asked. Say yes, say, yes please say yes. I didn't want the world to know about us. This was our little secret. A picture of Hunter kissing me popped onto the screen.

"OOOOOOOO!" The crowd cooed. The rest of the boy's mouth dropped practically to the floor when they saw that.

"Sam?" I heard Logan whisper in disbelief.

"NO!" I screamed. I buried my face in my hands and just prayed he'd deny it. I _wanted_ him to deny me. I was not the kind that was cut out for being in the spotlight at all.

"Yes, I actually kind of am seeing someone now." He admitted. Gasps escaped from the crowd, some clapped, some cheered, and most of the girls looked horrified at the fact that he was seeing someone other than them.

"So how long has this been going on now?" The interview asked.

"Oh, will you shut up?" I screamed at the laptop.

"Um, we've known her a few months actually now. She's our guitar player and we hired her back in March so I guess it's just been sort of budding since then." Hunter said a grin creeping onto his face.

"Awwwww!" Logan cooed.

"It's been blossoming from the start." Corey teased.

"But is this like a committed thing? Are your days of playing over?" The interview pressed. Man, there was just no stopping this guy. He was known for being blunt though and I guess that's what made his show successful. It was funny sometimes, but in this case I found it in no way funny.

"I think media milked it a bit. They were wrong about a lot of things and just tried to make something out of nothing. I was never really like that in my opinion to be honest. I value woman and wouldn't want to play any games because I think they're a treasure to us." Hunter rambled for a moment.

"Wooooooah, Hunter!" The interviewer marveled.

"WOOOOO!" The audience echoed. I shook my head. What a sap.

"Well, best of luck to the two of you. I'm sure the fans will be happy for you as long as she makes you happy." The interviewer said. Hunter nodded and seemed to mutter something under his breathe that I couldn't quite make out. To my relief, the subject was changed and the boys started talking about their tour, the album, and the fans. I understood now why Hunter wanted me to see the interview so badly. He wanted me to know that he had told the world and I repaid him by missing it to be with another guy. I sighed and slapped my laptop shut. He told the world...I could just see the headlines now and the thought made me wince. I sat on my bed when I heard the door creak open. Hunter walked in. I didn't say a word. I just starred at him. He slowly made his way over to me and sat next to me.

"I saw the interview." I said, finally breaking the silence. He nodded and looked at me. I could feel him studying me, I hated when he did that. I guess he was searching for some sort of reaction...good or bad.

"What did you think?" He asked softly.

"I think...it was brave of you." I replied. He pursed his lips and nodded.

"I figured it was about time to let the world know about us." He stated.

"Yeah... I'm sorry." The words stung on my lips. I hated to apologize even if it was to someone that I cared about. He nodded.

"Do you love him?" Hunter asked. I wish I knew the answer. I had finally found someone that truly understood me. Who thought like me, who acted like me, and who truly knew what I'd been through. Hunter didn't understand... he could pretend that he does all he wants, but he doesn't and quite frankly I don't think he ever will.

"No... no, I don't love him." I said softly. But for some reason the words kind of felt like a lie. That cheerful grin returned to Hunter's flawless face. He kissed my forehead. His lips pressed against my skin felt so nice...and familiar.

"I want to take you somewhere special tomorrow." Hunter said, his face still inches from mine.

"Okay, where?" I asked.

"It's a secret, but I have to warn you...there will probably be paparazzi... lots of them, but I don't really care because it just proves to the world your mine." Hunter said, taking my hand in his.

"The place is public?" I questioned.

"Yes, it is." He answered. So there would be paparazzi for sure then. I didn't know if I was ready, but for some reason I still nodded. Hunter jumped up real excited.

"Okay, then I'll pick you up tomorrow early in the morning. Don't be late." He said. I smiled as he skipped to the door as giddy as a little school boy.

"See you tomorrow!" He said, halfway out the door.

"See ya!" I echoed back. I looked outside at the bustling streets of New York. The place was crawling with people. All people that would be watching me tomorrow...watching _us._ I didn't want that. I hated to be looked at. I hated to be watched. I couldn't think about it right now though. I had to get some rest. My hotel bed looked warm and inviting. Before snuggling down into bed I looked at my door. I opened it just a crack...just in case. Just in case, Kade had another melt down, I wanted to be there. To be honest, I don't really know why I wanted to be there he isn't my responsibility or anything...but I just felt like I might be the only one to understand. The only one to not only sober him up, but to mend the wounds as well. I cuddled down into it and fell fast asleep. I had a terribly nightmare.

Thousands of girls circled me screaming insults and taunts about how I didn't deserve Hunter. They told me how much they hated me, how ugly I was, how worthless I was, how I was only his charity case. One girl spit at me, another jerked at my dress, and the last struck me right in the fast. I sob escaped my lips, but the girls only laughed and snarled at me. I looked at my pretty dress which was now ripped from their tugging and shoving. Tears slid down my face.

"Stop! Please stop! I'm sorry I'm not good enough, I'm sorry." The words echoed and rang throughout my mind.

"Sam! Sam, wake up!" I was being shaken. I opened my eyes to Hunter.

"Babe, you were having a nightmare. I heard it all the way from my room. The door was open. I came right in." He said. I nodded, but tears were forming in my eyes.

"Hey, are you okay?" He asked.

"Y-Yes." I stammered. My head was throbbing and my heart was leaping right out of my chest. He held my close, I could hear his own steady heart beating much more slowly and calmed than my own.

"Shh, I'm here. There's no need to be scared." Hunter whispered.

"You're the reason I'm scared." I said under my breathe. He pulled back to look me in the face.

"What?" He asked in disbelief.

"Nothing. I just had a nightmare." I said quickly.

"Was it about me?" He questioned. I didn't answer, I was shaking too much to answer anyway. He held me in his arms again.

"You're safe now. You're always safe when you're in my arms." He whispered.

CHAPTER TWELVE: just the way it should be

The next morning, I woke up to Hunter screaming and knocking on my door.

"GEEET UPP!" He cried. I rolled over and looked at the alarm clock. It was 8:00 am. And I was in no way prepared to get up.

"Wait just a minute." I called sleepily through the door.

"Okay, but hurry up!" Hunter cried excitedly. I went to the bathroom and got ready. I knew I needed to look perfect for my first coming out to the world. I tried millions of different hairstyles and never could get it right. I sighed as I slapped at my stringy hair. I hated it. I looked in the mirror for a little while. I had often read stories where the girl stares in the mirror and sees her full potential, but I never saw anything. When I looked in the mirror, I saw a scared little girl who wanted to run from everyone and everything.

"SAM!" Hunter cried, snapping me back into reality. I quickly brushed through my hair and applied my makeup. It wasn't really worth it anyway.

"Took you long enough- wow, you look great." He said.

"Thanks." I said weakly, but I felt like he was lying. He was my boyfriend now... he was required to say that.

"Where are we going?" I asked.

"Well, the surprise isn't until later tonight." He said. I looked at him suspiciously.

"Don't give me that look. You'll like it... I promise. I worked hard on it." He said with a satisfied grin. I shrugged.

"Well, until then where will we be going?" I asked.

"I figured we could go shopping." He suggested.

"Shopping?" I echoed with a laugh.

"Don't all girls like to go shopping? I only wanna do what you want to do." He stated.

"Well, I don't know. I've never really shopped much before. My clothes are mostly hand-me-downs." I admitted.

"Really?" Hunter asked.

"Yeah, my family never had much money and..." I trailed off.

"Well, that's going to change today! I'll buy you whatever you like, princess." He stated with a grin. I smiled. Princess... I quite liked the sound of that actually. The minute we opened the hotel doors we were bombarded with flashing cameras and screams. I fell back a little the flashing temporary blinding my vision. I closed my eyes, but still I saw spots everywhere in the darkness.

Our security guard helped us push through the crowds.  
"Hunter, can I have a picture?" A fan screamed. Hunter was mobbed with girls screaming his name, touching him, hugging him, grabbing him, and snapping pictures of him. Jealousy burned throughout me. It was a feeling I thought I was used to, but this time it was seething inside me to the core. Every time a girl so much as touched him the burn grew a little deeper. But they were his fans and the reason he was here in the first place, but it was still hard to accept. To my relief, security started shooting him along. I followed closely behind him. He reached for me and laced his hand through mine pulling me through the crowd. The photographers screamed all sorts of things that I couldn't make out.

I wasn't sure what they were saying, but by the looks on their faces it was nothing nice. Their flashing lights continued to blind my vision as I stumbled through the mass of people. I felt claustrophobic as hands went all over me. I felt hands in my hair and on my back and it made my skin crawl. I couldn't seem to breathe, there were just so many people. I heard my name being shouted as well, but I kept my hand down avoided the cameras. Finally, we broke out of the crowd and escaped their flashing lights and obnoxious screams.

"Are you okay, babe?" I felt a familiar pairs of lips whisper against my ear.

"Yeah, I just don't know how you deal with it." I admitted.

"Well, I guess you're gonna have to start getting used to it as well. I mean, you are sticking around aren't you? Or have I scared you away already?" He asked flashing me one of his signature grins. I saw why the world had fallen in love with him and why he was Hollywood's "It boy." That dazzling smile, that adorable dimple, that luscious hair, those sparkling blue-green eyes, that flawless tan skin, and that beautiful masculine body. He was perfect. He was mine. It was hard to believe. He must have seen me study him.

"You alright, love?" He asked again giving my hand a squeeze. I nodded. I didn't want him knowing I was marveling over his looks so I changed the subject.

"Are you used to it?" I questioned, jerking my head back towards the squealing girls who were now following us. He smiled and looked at them as well.

"Yeah, I guess I am. It took a bit of adjusting." He admitted with a shrug.

"Oh, I don't believe you." I said.

"Why not?" He asked, setting his eyes on me.

"You didn't have girls chasing you in high school?" I questioned in replied.

"Nah, not really. I wasn't all that popular in high school." He stated. I rolled my eyes dramatically.

"What? I wasn't, I can show you some pictures sometime." He offered.

"They can't be that bad." I said.

"Well, I'm glad you think so." He said, pecking my cheek. I heard the cameras click behind us. I knew that had gotten the shot and I could see the cover now. That would be fun to explain to my mother. Awkward.

We walked into a jewelry shop and I was amazed when I walked in. I had never really seen anything like it in my life. The light hit the diamonds in such a way that they glittered and radiated a rainbow colored spark. I saw a specific bracelet that I loved more than all the others in the shop. It was a golden bracelet with a chain that was lined with rubies. The rubies glinted and sparkled in the light. There was the word "forever" outlined in diamonds on the front. The way the sparkled and shimmered was like a piece of artwork and I had never seen anything quite so beautiful in my entire life. I felt a pair of arms wrap around me from behind. I jumped a little. Hunter had snapped me out of my trance. His eyes were sparkling just like the jewels were.

"You like it?" He asked, watching the bracelet as it rotated under the glass.

"No, no I don't want it." I said quickly. There was no way I was going to let him blow money like that on me. Hunter just shook his head and started fishing his wallet out of his pocket.

"Hunter, no! Stop!" I cried, trying to snatch it from his hand. He held it above his head. I grabbed his arm and pulled the wallet down, but he maneuvered it to the other hand and got it out of my reach. I grabbed at it again, but he pinned my arms behind my back and grinned cheekily at me. I struggled, but he just laughed at my sad attempt. His biceps were bulging a little though and I thought I might actually be giving him a bit of a challenge. I liked that... I liked being a challenge.

"What ya gonna do now, love?" He teased, tightening his grip. I laughed and wiggled a little more, but eventually got tired and gave up. He went to the counter while I watched him from behind just shaking my head. I watched as he fished hundred dollar bills out of my pocket. I grabbed him and spun him around.

"Hunter, no! You can't-" I protested. He laid a sweet kiss on my lips cutting me off. I fell back a little, stunned by his kiss. He grinned at me cheekily and laid the money down on the counter. The worker exchanged the bracelet for the money and Hunter fiddled clumsily with the clasp trying desperately to get it opened. He laid it delicately on my wrist and clasped it. He lifted my wrist gently so that the diamonds would catch the light and sparkle.

"It's beautiful." I whispered, lightly running a finger across the engrave word.

"Like you." He said, cupping my face. I blushed and scuffed my shoe against the wooden floor. He noticed my resistance and intertwined my fingers with his. He led me out of the store, the minute we exited the cameras stormed at us, the flashes like miniature lightning strikes lighting our path. My name was being called at every angle and so was Hunter's. Hunter tried to push through the crowd, but he was polite to everyone and a poised smile remained plastered on his face. His expression was calm, his face open and undisturbed. I on the other hand was about to completely loose it. I had never had so many people around me in my entire life, never had before I experienced so many eyes glued to me. Hunter must have felt me trembling because he tightened the grip on my hand and pulled me through the crowd a little more quickly. He draped an arm over my shaking body. I smiled gratefully up at him for helping me dodge a nervous breakdown. We walked on down the street for a little while. Girls stopped us and begged Hunter for a picture about every five minutes which was a bit irritating to me, but I realized that they were his fans and he loved them dearly so I tolerated it. Every girl that approached him was always stunning and seemed to be especially friendly to him. It honestly made me want to through my hands up, walk away, and give up. Why was he here with _me_ anyway?

The day went on, and pretty soon it was dark out. Hunter looked up at the stars and a twinkle filled his eyes. I cocked a brow.

"What are you thinking about?" I questioned suspiciously.

"Follow me." He whispered mischievously. I hesitantly followed him into a building and into an elevator.

"Where are we going?" I asked.

"You'll see." He said, a smile gracing his lips. The elevator stopped and the doors opened wide. I stepped out onto a rooftop. A huge gust of wind hit me the minute I stepped off the elevator and I was bombarded by a loud sound. My hair flew into my face and I was nearly knocked off balance. The sound I was hearing sounded kind of like something was knifing through the air. Finally, my hair blew out of my eyes and I gained my vision back.

"Hunter, are we at a helipad?" I cried. He nodded at me.

"Yes, hop on!" He cried, over the loud sound. I looked up at the helicopter blades chopping through the air and letting of mighty gusts of wind. My hair swished this way and that as I fought against the wind to make it to the helicopter. Hunter went in first then grabbed my hand and helped me up as well. He put a headset on and then put one on me as well.

"You look pretty with that headset." He yelled over the sound. I smiled at him then turned my attention to the window as we took off. The helicopter began slowly lifting off the rooftop and into the air. I grabbed Hunter's arm for security and he gave my hand a gentle squeeze. I let an excited squeal escape my lips and Hunter laughed at my enthusiasm. Hunter tapped my shoulder to get my attention.

"LOOK OUT MY WINDOW!" He cried. I glanced out the window and what I saw shocked me. My hand fluttered to my mouth and I let out an awestruck gasp. There were lanterns floating in the lake beneath us. The lanterns were lined in such a way that they spelled "I love you, Sam" I looked closely as the lanterns bobbed up and down aimlessly in the water. I touched the glass softly to see if this was actually reality. When I felt the coldness of the glass pressed against my skin I knew that this was no dream. An international superstar had taken the time to spell out my name in lanterns that were drifting in a lake that we hovered above.

"Hunter, did you do this?" I asked, breathlessly.

"All for you, princess." He whispered. I looked out at the beautiful masterpiece that lay right before me. The lanterns gleamed and flickered as they floated on the calm blue water. I was in complete awe.

"This might be the nicest thing anyone has ever done for me." I stated quietly. He grinned at me, his dimples peaking out.

"Well, I'm glad you like it." He said.

"When did you get time to do this?" I interrogated further.

"I make time... for you." He said, brushing a fly away hair from my face. I grinned for ear to ear. I couldn't believe that he had done this... and all for me! I giggled like a little girl who had a crush. He wrapped an arm around me as we both flew through the evening sky together. I actually felt...safe. I wasn't scared. For once in my life I felt...protected. I knew when I was in his arms I was safe. I was home. We spent the rest of the night laughing and enjoying each others company.

"Goodnight." He whispered, before planting a sweet kiss on my cheek.

"Goodnight." I echoed, as I slid into my hotel room. I plopped on my bed and let out a loud sigh. What a romantic night. It felt like a perfect night to lay out on the porch and do some star gazing. I stepped out onto the porch and shivered a little when the cold air came in contact with my skin. I sat in my hard steel chair that had been set out for me and rested my feet on the little table positioned near the railing. It was so beautiful tonight, the stars lit up the dark night sky and radiated a majestic glow. They sparkled like little diamonds twinkling in the night sky. I ran my finger across my diamond embroidered bracelet. It twinkled in the dim light as well. The sigh brought a smile to my lips. The noise of a glass door sliding open ripped me from my daydream and back into reality. It was Kade. His porch was right beside mine, only inches apart. We must be staying in the hotel room next to mine. He didn't seem to see me. He plopped nosily into his chair and sighed heavily. I froze, trying my best to not make one single noise. I didn't dare even breathe.

"Hey, God... it's me, Kade. I wanted to let you know that I've quit drinking so... I hope you're proud. Tell Jade I said hi... I miss her. Sometimes I wonder why she was taken from me. I know it was my fault though. I've been so stupid this past year. I'm sorry for that as well...for being stupid. It's just sometimes I feel so alone and-" He stopped suddenly.

"Is someone there?" He demanded. I could sense the angry rising in his voice. I tried to slid quietly out of my chair, but the button of my jeans caught on the chair and the metal chair made an ear splitting sound as it fell on me and banged on the hard concrete balcony.

"Ouch!" I exclaimed. Kade threw one leg over onto my porch and grabbed the balcony railing to lift himself over.

"Kade, what are you doing?! Stop, you could get hurt!" I cried. He climbed onto my porch, threw the chair off me, and pulled me to my feet quickly. His hands tightly gripped my arms, locking them to my side.

"You can't tell anyone what you heard." He said firmly.

"Why?" I asked.

"Just please...don't! You can't." He said, pulling me inches from his face.

"Okay, okay I won't." I said. He released me from his grip. I fell backward a little.

"I'm sorry, I didn't even ask if you were okay. It looked like it hurt when you fell. Are you alright?" He asked, helping to brush me off.

"I'm fine." I assured, looking down at my torn jeans.

"Oh, I'm so sorry. I'll buy you new jeans if you'd like." He offered.

"It's okay. These were really old anyway." I stated. He plopped down in the chair and held his face in his hands.

"I didn't mean to be so harsh, it's just...people don't really know that I'm religious and I'm really not, but God seems to be my only option nowadays." He said.

"Do you believe in God?" I asked quietly. He pulled a chair up next to him and looked at me expectantly. I obeyed and was quietly seated beside him.

"Not really, I just... don't know what I'm doing with my life anymore and I guess I'm just desperate for Help." He replied.

"Kade, God shouldn't be Someone you just go to when you're really desperate. Hey, we'll be in Georgia tomorrow and tomorrow is Sunday. Why don't you come to church with me? There's plenty of churches in Georgia." I stated.

"I don't know... I haven't been in a really long time." He said hesitantly.

"Pleeease! Just this once and if you don't like it I won't ask you to go every again." I promised.

"Will your boyfriend be okay with it?" He asked.

"My what?" I asked.

"Hunter." He replied. Oh...right. Hunter was my boyfriend. It felt so strange to hear that coming out of my own mouth much less the mouth of someone else.

"He won't care, I promise. So are you saying you'll go?" I questioned. Kade sighed loudly and dramatically.

"Yes, I'll go." He said finally.

"Yay!" I cheered, clapping my hands.

We sat in silence for a moment looking at the stars glimmer in the sky. He set his gaze on me, but I continued to examine the stars. I could feel his eyes piercing into me though.

"Does he make you happy?" Kade asked, breaking the peaceful silence.

"Well... I guess so. I don't really know if I know how to be happy." I admitted honestly. Kade snorted.

"Happiness isn't something you practice or learn how to do. It should be a daily thing...a natural thing. When you feel it, you'll know it. It's kind of like the wind slowly softly o your skin. It comes and goes, but even when it leaves you'll know it will return to you someday." Kade said.

"Wow, Kade... that's deep." I stated, meeting his gaze.

"If you're not sure he makes you happy then you shouldn't be with him." Kade said. I looked away from his angrily.

"Yeah, and who else would I be with? It's not like I've got a line of boys waiting to swoop in and ride off in the sunset with me." I retorted.

"I think you overlook some of your princes." Kade said. I didn't know how to respond to that. I wasn't even quite sure what in the world he was trying to say.

"Has anyone besides Jade ever made you happy?" I asked. I knew I might be treading on sensitive territory, but I didn't really care. He had already stirred up plenty of sensitive subjects with me.

"It's just...hard to let go." He said, his voice catching a bit. I knew he was on the verge on tears and I wanted to reach out and comfort him, but something stopped me. But then he grabbed my hand and took it in his.

"Sam, I want you to do something for me." He said softly.

"Sure, anything." I whispered.

"I want you to help me let go." Kade stated.

"How?" I questioned.

"When we're in Tennessee... I want you to go to Jade's grave with me. She's buried there and I told myself that when we stop by there on tour I'd visit just one last time. After that, I won't go anymore because I know that it's time to move on. She would have wanted it that way, but I don't want to go alone. I want to go with someone special... I want to go with you." He whispered. I nodded.

"I'm honored." I said, softly.

"Thank-you." He said and for the first time he hugged me. He wrapped his strong arms around me pulling me into his chest. I breathed in the smell of his strong cologne as he held me with his strong arms. We just sat there in the arms of each other, not saying a word. Usually, I'd get awkward in situations like this and try my best to leave. I'd make any excuse to get out of a long, awkward embrace. But right now, it wasn't awkward. It was a magical moment that I wanted to treasure forever. His strong arms wrapped my neck, the stars alining perfectly, and my hair falling over his strong forearms as he squeezed me tighter. He finally pulled away and looked me in the face.

"I'm sorry." He said quickly. The expression on his face looked as if he had snapped out of a daydream or something. I didn't say anything, I just stared at him really confused.

"I can't be doing this... you have a boyfriend." He stated. I nodded.

"I do." I said, quietly. I couldn't really believe those words... they sounded strange on my lips. He jumped back onto his balcony and I couldn't help, but flinch when he did.

"Careful." I heard myself mutter. He looked back and smiled at me before disappearing back into his room. He left me all alone with my thoughts...my thoughts and the stars. The stars began blurring a bit and my eyelids got really heavy. I felt them began to flutter close and as much as I wanted to sink in this view, my tired eyes couldn't be pried open. I slowly faded off into a silent dreamland.

I woke up the next morning tired and stiff from sleeping on the uncomfortable metal chair. I ached all over and my joints felt immovable. I groaned as I tried to pull myself to my feet. I stumbled blindly to my room and gave one lazy glance in the mirror, tossing my head to the side as I did. I looked like I had got hit by a bus. My head hair was in tangles by my face, my teeth remained unbrushed, and my face oily from not taking last night's makeup off. I had my work cut out for me. I gave my hair a proper brushing before hobbling into the shower. I hummed to myself merrily as I bathed. It was going to be a good day. I knew that the drive to Georgia would take up most of the day, then Kade and I would attend the evening church service at a local church I had heard only good things about. I figured I'd go ahead and slide into my Sunday attire though. I wondered if Kade had the same idea or if I'd just be an idiot dressed to the nines for nothing. I twirled a little in my white Sunday dress. It was ruffly and made me feel like a princess.

I opened the door to see Kade sitting on the bench outside my hotel. A grin briefly crossed his lips as I entered. He was dressed in a suit with his hair combed neatly, still damp from his shower. He smelled heavenly sporting some fancy, expensive smelling cologne. I got a good whiff as I stepped a little closer.

"You clean up nice." I stated, gesturing to his outfit.

"I could say the same about you." He said, circling me. Hunter stepped out of his room right about then.

"Babe, you look amazing!" He said, pulling me in for a kiss. My eyes were wide open when he kissed me. When he kissed me, I saw Kade look over with a strange expression written on his face. Was it hate? Jealousy? Anger? Pleasure? I knew all these things were very different options, but I simply couldn't read Kade. He was a complete and utter mystery to me... something about that really intrigued me. He was like an insolvable, unreadable mystery that you simply had to find the result to... and every day I felt like I was getting more clues that led me to the result of this mystery. I pulled away from Hunter very quickly and awkwardly.

"Okay, shouldn't we get going?" I said, uncomfortably.

"Yeah, sure... I guess." Hunter said.

"I just wanna get there fast." I stated, quickly.

"Why?" Hunter asked.

"Sam and I are going to a church an evening church service together." Kade answered for me. Hunter jumped back a little in surprise.

"Oh, really now?" He said, setting his eyes on me. I looked down quickly, but I could feel his eyes piercing me like daggers.

"Oh yeah, it's gonna be great." Kade said mischievously. A playful expression was on his face and his eyes were full of fire. I felt like he was only saying "try me if you dare" to Hunter without using any actual words at all. I stood there paralyzed as the two boys tried to kill one another with their eyes.

"Um, yeah it's nothing big... we're both religious." I said, cutting into the stare down.

"Maybe I should come." Hunter said, finally breaking away from Kade's hardcore stare to look at me.

"Oh, Hunter that really won't be necessary." Kade said with a smirk. I turned my face to the floor once again as the awkward tension continued to rise. Hunter licked his lips real slow, he always did that when he was angry then he folded across his chest.

"You know, Kade I think it would be best if I came. You two might need a little supervision." Hunter said, the anger rising in his voice.

"No, Hunter...it's fine. We don't supervision and certainly not your supervision." Kade said. His expression remained calm and collected. I knew he was driving Hunter crazy, the way he just smirked and seemed like he didn't care...about anything. The way he just seemed to look right through you and could tell your story better than you could yourself. The way he could describe feeling to you that you didn't know you had experienced until you heard the words come from his mouth. The way he was so... Kade.

"I think you need supervision." Hunter said through gritted teeth. His hands were balled into fist by his sides.

"Maybe we should let Sam choose." Kade said, setting his eyes on me. When Kade set his fiery dark eyes on me something seemed to explode within me like fireworks bursting within my soul. I felt like someone had a lit a fuse inside me and colors sparkled inside me. His dark eyes gave me chills.

"I think... you should trust me a little more, Hunter." I said softly.

"Oh, really? That's how you feel?" Hunter spat. He threw his hands up in the air and looked at me as if just the sight of me disgusted him. He turned angrily on his heels and stormed off. His steps grew loudly as he stomped and clamped down the stairs. Silence fell between Kade and I as we watched him go.

"What's wrong with you?" I cried turning angrily to me.

"What's wrong with me? What's wrong with you?" Kade cried back.

"Are you trying to start a fight or something?" I questioned.

"Can't you see he's using you?" Kade questioned in return.

"Kade, don't you _dare_ tell me who to be with, Kade!" I hissed.

"Hey, I don't want any drama." Kade said putting his hands up innocently.

"Than stop trying to stir it up. Why are you so hard on him anyway?" I interrogated.

"I wasn't being hard on him. He was just prying to hard." Kade replied expressionless.

"See, that's what makes him mad! You with your stupid "I hate everyone and everything" attitude. You can't be that bitter about life." I said harshly.

"Well, when life treats you so bad you can't help, but be a little bitter! I wouldn't expect you to understand." He snapped. I knew I had taken it too far. I could tell by the look on his face that I had crossed the line. He stamped off to the elevator and smacked the button real hard before clomping into the elevator. So there I stood alone...again.

I watched out the window as he rolled steadily down the road. I watched as trees whizzed by and cars sped down the lane beside us in the opposite direction. We hit the occasionally bump and it would usually pull me back into reality, but for a while I let my mind wander. I thought of how my mom was doing and if she still hated me... Mom! Oh my gosh, today was her birthday. I swiped my phone up and scrolled to her contact. I stared at her contact ID picture for a moment before calling. She was to beautiful. I listened to the phone ring a few times before hearing a racket on the other end. She was probably having friends over and enjoying my time away.

"Hello?" She said over the other line.

"MOM!" I cried. Oh, it was so good to hear her voice. I had missed hearing her merry voice ring out for so long now.

"Sam, is that you?" My mother asked. She sounded life she was in shock... maybe even denial. Her disbelief was clear in her tone.

"Yes, it's me. I've missed you." I stated.

"Have you? Have you really?" Her voice caught a little. Was she crying?

"Mom, are you okay?" I asked.

"Yes, it's just... I really didn't think you'd call. I just thought you were to busy and... to big for me now." Mom said. I could tell she was fighting the tears.

"Hey, listen I know I didn't really leave on good terms. I've learned a lot these past few months and I just want you to know that I've taken you for granted. You won't always been there and I need to enjoy the things I have while I've got them. Because you never know maybe one day you'll turn around and they'll be gone. I don't wanna loose you, especially over something so stupid." I stated. My mom was sobbing by now on the other end.

"I don't wanna loose you either, baby." She said in between stifled sobs.

"I'll stop seeing Hunter if you want." I stated solemnly.

"No, Sam if he makes you happy then he makes me happy too. I just want what's best for you." My mother said softly. I smiled to myself. She really did want what's best for me and... she loved me.

"Thanks, Mom. Happy birthday... I love you." I said sincerely.

"Thank-you, I love you too." She said. I heard her blow a kiss from the phone. I made a kiss sound in the receiver right back. I waited for her to hang up the phone and still held it to my face until I heard the phone making a strange buzzing noise to notify me that she had hung up long ago. But right then everything was good... everything was right. I loved her... she loved me. Just the way it's supposed to be.

CHAPTER THIRTEEN: How to love

Before I knew it, we were cruising through the busy streets of Atlanta. Horns were blaring, lights were flashing, and smells of all sorts of food drifted through the window and into my nostrils. I was excited that I was going to have a lot of time to myself...well, myself and Kade that was. The rest of the boys were going to do an interview and a small performance at some venue the whole interview. A meet-and-greet was scheduled afterward so they'd be tied up the rest of the day. That meant Hunter and I could keep our distance. He was still really angry at me and I could tell. He didn't tell me good-bye before he left for the day... he didn't even look at me. But right now I could care less about his opinion on Kade or the rest of the boy's opinion for that matter. I thought he was great and that's all that mattered. My bus stopped and I filed out. Kade slowly approached me.

"So...where's this church we're headed to?" He asked. I thought he'd avoid eye contact with me, but he looked me right at me.

"It's closer to the suburbs. To be honest, I didn't really think about how we were gonna get there." I admitted.

"Stay here, I've got an idea." He said, before scurrying down the street. I looked after him really confused. I knew this was probably headed nowhere good. I sat on the curb as I waited for him to come back. A group of guys passed by and nodded at me, a few of them even winked. I looked down quickly, but I could still feel their stares. I rubbed the back of my neck self-consciously. I even heard one let out a whisper, which made me duck my head completely down. I knew they probably recognized me as "Hunter's girl" and that was the only reason I was getting this kind of attention...not because I'm pretty. I was just another face that they'd seen on the tabloids.

"What was that all about?" Kade asked when he got back.

"Nothing." I said quickly. I then looked behind him. There was a sleek black motorcycle with two helmets propped up against a telephone pole.

"Is that yours?" I asked.

"Yeah, I rented it." He stated.

"How did you come up with the money?" I questioned further.

"Don't worry about it. Just hop on." Kade said, tossing me a helmet. I caught the helmet and put it on my head. It was way to big and lay lopsided toward the side of my face. Kade laughed when he looked at me. I just smiled and shook my head, causing the helmet to hit me in the jaw.

"Maybe we should trade." He said, taking the helmet off my head. He placed his on my head and it fit like a charm.

"Perfect." He murmured with a smile. He was really beautiful when he smiled. Before I slid onto the motorcycle, I stepped back and looked at him.

"Hey, I'm sorry for what I said at the hotel today." I apologized. He waved me off.

"Don't worry about it. I'm over it, honest. I shouldn't have gotten mad and... I was wrong. You do know what real pain is." He stated gravely. I nodded. But after his apology was over, the sincerity left his face and the adventurous smirk that I loved returned.

"Now, let's ride." He said mischievously.

He got on the motorcycle and I hopped right on behind him. He grabbed the clutch and gassed it. My body jolted backward almost throwing me off the motorcycle. He looked back at me as if I were stupid.

"Well, you'd better hold on." He said. I smiled a little.

"Oh, yeah... that might help." I said, wrapping my arms around his middle half. He just shook his head at me then clutched the gear again. I held on tight as we zoomed down the this unfamiliar winding road. The wind was whipping the little bit of long hair hanging out of my helmet. I felt like a bird flying through the air. Right now... I just felt so free. I watched as we zipped by other cars, going so fast that they only looked like blurs as we sped by. But I did catch one thing as we sped down the freeway... a camera. There was a paparazzi man in his car with a camera. They couldn't see me on a motorcycle with Kade. The media would make it seem like I was cheating on Hunter. I could just see the title now "All4U's girlfriend got a new man?" I couldn't let that happen. I didn't really care what the media thought, but Hunter would freak out.

"Kade!" I screamed over the sound of the wind.

"What?" He cried back.

"You need to go faster! There's paparazzi in the car beside us!" I hollered.

"Sure thing, boss!" Kade said, saluting me playfully. He clutched it harder and we went flying down the freeway. I knew we were breaking the speed limit... badly. I just prayed that we didn't have any police cars camping out to give tickets. Horns blared at us, shook their fists at us, yelled and cursed at us as we cut them all off. Kade just laughed and continued to swerve in and out of the lanes and as people squawked at us. I was freaking out and clutching Kade as tightly as I possibly could.

"Kade, maybe this was a bad idea! I think that the paparazzi are gone anyway." I shouted over the loud wind. He just chuckled and clutched it more. Oh, how he loved to keep me on my toes. I loved this free flying sensation I got when I was with him. I loved feeling like I could take off to the stars and never come down when I was with him. It was amazing. He was amazing.

"Is this it?" Kade, asked destroying my thoughts. I looked up at the church and recognized it right away.

"Yeah, this is the one." I replied with a nod. He hopped off the motorcycle and helped me off as well. We hung our helmets on either side of the handlebars of the bike.

"That helmet is too big for me too. I hope you understand the sacrifice I made for you." He said, rubbing his sore head.

"Oh, my hero!" I cried, dramatically. He rolled his eyes and let me lead him into the church. It was beautiful inside... more beautiful than I remember actually. There was a huge chandelier in the lobby with crystals that radiated a diamond glow. The lighting was so bright and cheerful that it made you feel welcome. It was a cozy little church with stain class windows and rows of comfortable pews. I looked over at Kade. He seemed somewhat impressed.

"It's nice in here." He muttered more to himself than me. We walked into the sanctuary to see a fair amount of people all dressed up nicely. It was good to know we weren't over-dressed. They chattered softly amongst themselves as the pastor sat at the pulpit organizing his notes for the evening sermon. Kade and I took a seat toward the back. Kade slouched in the pew embarrassingly with his arms folded across his chest. I wanted to scold his inappropriate posture, but decided it was best not to push it. I had gotten him to come here and that was a big accomplishment as it was. The preached came to his podium and the congregation quieted.

"Good evening." The pastor greeted.

"Good evening." The congregation echoed. He was a friendly looking man with a bald head and thin rimmed glasses. He wore a comfortable smile and his suit seemed to be sliding off his skinny figure. Again, I looked to Kade and he still sported that "whatever" expression.

"Today we will be talking about not looking back." The preacher said. Kade's ears perked up at this.

"So many times Christians get the idea that they're simply not good enough for God to love them. Or they assume that because of the horrible things that they've done that God doesn't want them. This couldn't be further from the truth. I once had a friend who spent twenty years in jail. I ran into him somewhere once he had been released and he informed me that he had turned his life around, but he also informed me he wouldn't be doing the "God thing" because no God could ever love him. I told him how much God loves us despite our flaws and he accepted Christ right then and there that night." The preacher stated. The congregation clapped at this astonishing story. Even Kade gave a soft clap or two.

There was a projector above us and a small screen in the front of the church. The lights dimmed a little and the screen lit up. The words "Never look back" appeared on them.

"Maybe you're like my friend today. Maybe you think God simply couldn't love you because of those things you've done in the past. We all have things that we want to keep simply. Those things that we have locked in our hearts and minds that we hope nobody ever finds out. But if God can love you and forgive you though that, why can't you forgive yourself?" The preacher asked. Kade sat up a little straighter.

"Now I know that nowadays people think that they don't need God. They refer to God as a "Sky-Daddy" that you turn to instead of dealing with your own problems. What kind of cocky, stubborn, conceited, mull-headed people they are. They go through life thinking they don't need any help and they don't need someone to carry their burdens, but the burdens with get so heavy that it will break their back. They will lay broken and alone unable to get up until they hand the burden over to God. You can't carry things like that on your own. You're going to need a helper. Until you get over yourself and your conceit, you're just gonna lay their completely broken. Now, will you bow your heads in prayer with me." Kade looked at me a little confused. I bowed my head and closed my eyes. Kade repeated this notion.

"Dear Father, I pray for all the broken people in the world. I pray that they would learn to give their burden over to you and that they would know their forgiven for their mistakes in the past. Open their eyes and let them see what you see. Let them see that they are your beautiful creation and they are forgiven. Show them your love and mercy in everything they do... Amen." I looked over at Kade. His head remained bowed and his shoulders were shaking up and down. Was he crying?

"Now if anyone would like to come to the alter today it is open." The pastor offered. The church band began playing as a few people lined up at the alter. Kade practically jumped the pew to get to the alter. He ran right down the aisle and fell to his knees before the church. He bowed his head and I could see him mouthing words. I slowly walked to the front and knelt beside him. I laid my hand softly on his back. He looked up at me. Tears glistened in his eyes and were streaming down his face. It was the first time I'd ever seen him cry. Usually, he had such a tough bad boy exterior, but right now he looked like a scared little child... a scared child who needed someone to nurture him. He bowed his head back down and continued to pray. I could make out some of the words he said. I heard his apology to God and his cries for help. A lump formed in my throat as I heard the desperation in his voice. I was getting a little emotional to myself. I sighed a little. I knew I should probably say a little prayer to God as well. I knew I had my fair share of guilty and dark moments myself. I was just as guilty as Kade was. I did a silent prayer myself as well.

"Hey, God... I know we haven't talked in a really long time and I'm sorry for that. I have been really busy, but I know that's no excuse. You gave me everything that I've ever wanted and I really can't begin to thank you enough for that. I'm not a caged bird anymore, you've set me free and let me fly. I couldn't be happier to be honest and I'm sorry for all those things I did in the past. It was just... my way of coping even if it was a stupid way. I never really apologized for all that and I don't guess I've ever really told you thank you for all this either. Well, thank-you... thank-you, thank-you, thank-you for everything. I want to get right with you again... I want to be close again and I know it might be a long process, but I'm willing to try if You are. I love you. Thanks for listening." I lifted my head and ended my prayer about the time Kade did. The song was coming to an end. Kade seemed to actually be in physical pain. Maybe the memories were coming flooding back. He winced a little every now and then and I wondered if it was another painful memory that was haunting him. He got up slowly and made his way back to our seat. The whole church looked moved, I was even a little teary eyed. The way the tears were pouring down his face and he was looking up and clutching his heart gave me a sickening feeling. You could tell this kid had been through a lot, as a matter of fact the whole church knew that now. He no longer had the "I don't care" expression on his face anymore, something about him was different and new. He actually looked... happy.

"Are you okay?" I asked, once we were seated. He smiled and nodded at me.

"Yeah, never better actually." He stated. I was never better as well. I felt different and new as well. I can't really describe it, but I felt like during that two hour sermon I had grown up so much. I just felt like I had finally done something right. We sung another song before wrapping up and I watched Kade as he sung. You could tell that he meant every word. With every lyric that he belted you could just see the passion clearly written on his face. I had never seen him like this. I had never seen him so happy. He put his hand up to the sky, feeling the music. I lifted my hands up a little as well letting the words sink in and rhythm rock me to the core. When the song ended, Kade clapped his hands together loudly. The rest of the congregation laughed a little and joined in. He wore this big goofy grin on his face the rest of the night.

After the service ended, people were crowded around him talking. I sat on a chair and watched from a distance as he just lit up the room. His laughter, his smile, and his happiness was just so contagious. There were times where you could tell the conversation going on was an intent one, but other times he'd say something and they would all laugh. He looked kind of like a scared little boy up in front of them though. I knew he wasn't used to being the center of attention. He was used to the complete opposite actually. He was used to being abused, made fun of, pushed around, and stomped on, but tonight...he was happy. I watched as he let his guard down and was...himself... and it was beautiful. He exchanged a few phone numbers with some people, prayed with them, and hugged them all good-bye. They continued calling out good-byes as he walked toward me. He turned and them one last hug. He grinned at me as he walked over. Like a gentleman, he opened the door for me.

"Thanks so much for taking me here." He said, once we had left the church.

"You glad you came?" I asked.

"Yes, I'm really glad. I feel...different. I was myself tonight, you know? I wasn't scared that anyone would judge me or see me differently. I actually felt... like a human being, with feelings, a heart, emotions, and everything! I can't tell you how long it's been since I've done that or felt that. I feel new... like a child again and I can't tell you what that means to me. I don't know how I'll make this up to you." He stated, the grin still not leaving his face.

"Seeing you happy is reward enough. Now, aren't your cheeks getting tired from all that smiling?" I teased, throwing his helmet at him. He caught it, smiled, and shook his head.

"I don't think I'll ever get tired of smiling or at least not tonight. Tonight, I'm making up for all those emotionless, depressing years. I'm gonna laugh like there's no tomorrow!"

He cried, picking me up and spinning me. When he set me down, he looked me in the eyes.

"Thank-you, Sam." When he said it, I knew he wasn't just saying thank-you for tonight. He was saying thank-you for all the times he had been hormonal and weird and I had put up with him. Or when he was drinking like a fish, thrashing around violently, and smashing things yet I was there to sober him. He was thanking me for always being there. I slid onto the motorcycle behind him.

"Your welcome." I said, wrapping my arms around him. Then, we took off into the black night. The cold air whipped my face and hair but nothing could ruin this night or this moment. Kade thanked me once again and we said our goodbyes. I danced up to my room and flopped on my bed. My phone had about a million notifications on it. I unlocked it and looked at my twitter page. I had gained 6,000 followers. I gasped and looked my tweets. They all had hundreds of comments on them. I was so excited! My heart began beating. Did I have... _fans?_ But then my heart sank deep in my chest when I actually read the comments. There were links to my hate page. Yes, people had actually taken time out of their day to make a website all about reasons they hate me. There were also videos that I was tagged in on YouTube listing how I was a fake girlfriend and how much they hated me.

"You don't deserve him and you never will. What is a model like him doing with a girl like you anyway?

"Loose some weight you fat pig and get that nose fixed. I don't hate you because you're dating Hunter. I would hate you even if you weren't... I mean who wouldn't?"

"Hurt him and I'll kill you. He doesn't love you. You don't deserve him."

"I hate you. Go die. He's only using you anyway. You thought you actually meant something to him? Yeah right, I'm sure those 12,345,678 other girls thought that too."

"Hey ugly looser, what's up?"

"I hate her more than anything! She doesn't love him, she loves his money! It's because her mom is a poor geezer than probably feeds them dirt. She just dates him for the money."

#samwehateyou was trending on twitter as well. I couldn't help it. I promised myself that this was a new beginning and I wouldn't cry over the people who didn't accept me anymore. I thought that I was tough now and that I could take this, but I couldn't. When I saw those comments all those little insecurities in the back of my mind were affirmed. Maybe I was ugly and maybe I didn't deserve Hunter. Seeing those comments made me want to walk away from him...forever. As I scrolled through all the hurtful memes, comments, hash-tags, and videos it was too much to take. I screamed out loud and threw my phone against the wall. I locked myself in the bathroom and slid down the wall as tears poured down my face. _I don't care about their opinion, I don't care, I don't care, I don't care._ I tried to tell myself that it didn't matter, but it did. I cupped my hand over my mouth trying to muffle the sobs, but they come out anyway. I looked at myself in the mirror and anger surged throughout me. WHY WAS I ME?! I went into my room and flipped the coffee table. I heard frantic knocking on the door. I didn't dare answer it. I wasn't in the mood to talk to anyone or diffidently not to be seen by anyone. If I was that ugly I didn't want anyone to look at me, not now and not ever. The knocking continued, faster and more frantic than before.

"Sam, open up! It's Hunter, please open the door." Hunter pleaded.

"NO!" I screamed at the door.

"Sam, please open this door!" Hunter begged. I sighed and reluctantly opened the door. He took one look at my red, puffy, swollen face then pulled me into his arms. I tried to be strong, but ended up sobbing into his shoulder.

"Sam, is this about this morning? I'm so sorry. I should have trusted you and Kade. I know you'd never try anything with him, I just got jealous." Hunter apologized.

"It's not that." I choked out. I could barely breathe as the sobs escaped me, but I managed short choppy breathes in between sentences. I was trying to be tough. I really didn't want Hunter thinking I was weak, but I was so angry, hurt, and upset that I just couldn't take it. I wanted to break something or burn something and just scream while doing it. Hunter looked at me and wiped my tears away with his thumb, even catching a few before they could fall.

"Nothing, I'm fine." I said quickly. I had to calm down. I didn't want him seeing me like this.

"Babe, please." Hunter whispered desperately. I sighed then handed him my phone. His eyes widened as he scrolled through some of the hurtful things he read.

"Oh." He said quietly. He entered into my room without even asking. He got my Cold play CD and popped it into the stereo. The song "Fix You" came softly through the speakers. He wrapped his arms around my waist and pulled me close.

"They're jealous, Sam. They're jealous of your beauty." Hunter stated.

"That's not tr-" I began, but finger pressed his finger against my lips.

"Shhhh, just hear me out. I love you so much, Sam. These people just want to tear us apart. They want to intimidate you and make you walk away, but if you walk away... I just don't think I'd be able to take it, Sam. I need you. I'll fix you." He whispered. I didn't say anything, I just cuddled into him as he swayed to the music. The lyrics to the song were beautiful.

"Lights will guide you home..." He whispered in my ear. His hot breathe tickled my skin forcing a smile on my face and even a slight giggle to escape me. I felt his lips on my cheek next.

"Tears fall down your face..." He sang against my cheek. His lips formed the words on the side of my face making me shiver. My breathing started to slow to a normal rate as he held me closer. I reluctantly wrapped my arms around his neck when all I wanted to do was run.

"And I will try to fix you." He whispered against my lips.

He held me as I gained control of myself. He held my shaking body until I had calmed down completely.

"Sam?" He whispered, stroking my hair.

"Yes?" I answered quietly.

"I love you." He said boldly. I was taken aback a little. I didn't say anything. I just gawked at him. He waited nervously.

"Well..." He said expectantly.

"I don't know." I said softly.

"What do you mean you don't know?" He asked.

"I mean I don't know how to love someone! How, Hunter? How?! How do you love someone? How do you love someone without getting burnt or hurt or regretting they ever came into your life. How do you love someone when your heart is so cold and numb that you didn't think you'd ever be able to use it. How do you love someone when you can't even love yourself. How...how do you love someone?" I cried. I knew I had let my anger get the best of me and I thought Hunter would be mad or at least surprised. He just looked at me right in the eyes as calm and collectively as he always did.

"I'll show you... I'll show you how to love." He said stroking my hair back.

CHAPTER FOURTEEN: Best big brother I never had

I woke up the next morning in the beautiful city of Nashville. I had slept the entire way there. The boys were southern here, the tea was sweet, and the music was loud... just the way I like it. I stepped out of the bus, absolutely pumped. We were playing a really big arena and I was really excited. I was also really stoked to just be playing again. The boys were starting another tour right after this one ended so most of our travels had been interviews to promote that. I was just eager to get on stage again. Hunter smiled at me as I walked through the door to the arena.

"Keep your head up, babe." Hunter whispered, rubbing my back softly. I smiled back at him and gave him a thumbs up to tell him I was doing much better now. I was headed into hair and makeup when Kade snagged my arm.

"I got it." He said, handing me a piece of paper. I looked up at him really confused.

"Um, what is this?" I asked.

"The rehab center where your brother is currently staying." Kade stated with a smile.

"Oh my gosh, Kade! ARE YOU SERIOUS!" I cried. Kade grinned from ear to ear.

"Yeah, remember I told you that when we got to Tennessee I'd help you find him? Well... I did. I tracked him down and don't ask how. I just have my connections." Kade said slyly. A bubble of excitement burst within me. I threw my hand over my mouth to keep from screaming out loud. I jumped up and down like a giddy school girl.

"Thank-you, thank-you, thank-you! You can never know how much this means to me." I squealed.

"I guess this means we're even now then, doesn't it?" Kade said.

"Yes, totally! You're amazing, you know that?" I said, still jumping up and down.

"Yeah, yeah I know." Kade said as he cockily brushed off his shoulder.

"You really didn't have to do this." I said.

"Yeah, I did. You deserve it and I know what it's like to miss someone. We don't leave Tennessee until late tomorrow so we'll have plenty of time to visit." Kade stated. I nodded excitedly.

"Okay, now don't get so excited that you miss every note tonight? You still gotta play." He said with a wink. I laughed as he walked off in his regular cool guy strut. I couldn't stop smiling. I couldn't believe Kade had done this... and here I was thinking he didn't care about anything. Hunter sneaked up behind me.

"So, I see my baby is smiling again? I'm glad to see that." Hunter said, making me jump at the sound of his voice.

"Yeah, I'm better now. Sorry about that." I said, a bit shyly.

"Don't apologize. I'm actually glad that I got to be there with you through it." Hunter said.

"Yeah, me too..." I said.

"Well, keep smiling! I'll see you after the show." Hunter said. He gave me a tight squeeze then ran off to wardrobe.

"See you after the show." I muttered after he had left. I wonder how he'd feel knowing I was going somewhere with Kade again. I knew explaining it wouldn't really help the situation so I decided to just go and apologize later. I'm sure he'd forgive me anyway.

"You know he thinks he's the reason for that smile?" I heard someone ask from behind me. I spun around. It was Logan. He had seen the whole thing go down.

"What do you mean?" I asked.

"Hunter thinks he's the reason you smile every day. He thinks you spend every night falling asleep thinking of him, but you don't. I know your mind is somewhere else... or on someone else. Hunter isn't the reason for that smile, is he?" Logan pressed.

"Logan, I don't know what you're talking about." I stated blankly. I had never really thought about either of them in that way before.

"Sam, I've been best mates with Hunter for a very long time and on top of that I'm not stupid. I see the way you look at Kade compared to the way you look at Hunter. If there's one thing I can tell you of all the years of being mates with Hunter it's that when he loves someone he gives them his whole heart. He loves you, Sam... he loves you very much. Please don't break his heart. For my sake...for the band's sake." Logan almost seemed to plead. I nodded absently.

"I won't." I said meekly. He patted my shoulder.

"That's a girl." He said. I just starred blankly at him. I wasn't even quite sure what he was trying to say. Was he saying that I didn't love Hunter? I was sort of confused myself. I knew that I didn't love Hunter. I didn't love anyone... I didn't know how.

"Now go get your hair and makeup. I bet Hunter is already waiting outside the door for you." Logan said. With that, he trotted off leaving me with my thoughts. I tried not to think too much about Logan's confusing lecture. Nobody could ruin this tonight. Tonight was my first gig in a while. Not to mention, tomorrow was the day I'd finally see my older brother again. I was beyond excited. I grinned from ear to ear at just the thought of it.

The crowd was _amazing_ tonight. Some days, the screams weren't as loud and the crowd just wasn't quite there. But tonight...they were electric. When the boys came out screams erupted from the audience loud enough to shatter the sound barrier. As I looked into the audience all I saw was flashing camera lights, signs, and hands waving in the air. At one point in the show the room went completely dark and the boys asked the crowd to put any lights they had up.

"Whether it's a cell phone, or a flashlight, or a glow stick I want you to put it in the air." Corey said. It was absolutely beautiful... majestic really. The lights glowed in the darkness making the room seem like we were in another dimension. I felt like I was floating through a world full of enchantment and sailing through an endless sea of lanterns. I smiled as the boys sung softly and the crowd stayed their bodies to the music, their lights swaying with them. I took my phone out when there was a break in my part and took a picture. It was just simply a perfect moment that I wanted forever captured in my heart and mind. I grinned at the picture on my screen. It was beautiful...just like them. I had grown to love the boy's fans. They had pretty much dedicated their entire life to these guys and I thought that was amazing. I loved them, but...from the things I'd seen online they didn't particularly love me. I wasn't sure why though because they didn't even know me. But then again... why would they love me? No one else really seemed to. I pushed away those thoughts and got prepared for the last song of the night. After the concert had ended, I was going to see what Kade was up to when Hunter grabbed me from behind. I screamed a little and I felt his chest rise and fall with laughter.

"You scared me a little." I said with a nervous laugh. I hoped he wouldn't realize that I was headed in the direction of Kade's tour bus. I liked going places with Kade. Kade was different... Kade was like me.

"I scared you again? Gosh, I'm good." He said with a laugh, tightening his grip. For some reason, I felt a little uncomfortable in his arms. I twisted my body around, wriggling out of his grip, and turning to face him.

"I'm tired. I think I'm gonna turn in early." I stated before turning toward my tour bus. He grabbed my wrist.

"Sam, I wanted you to be my date to this cool after party." He stated. I raised a brow.

"After party? I've never really been to a party." I admitted. Hunter's jaw dropped nearly to the floor and he stared at me as if I were some sort of alien.

"You're in high school and you've never been to a party?" He asked. I grinned a little. His accent was real thick when he said the word party.

"You've got to be joking." He said.

"Hunter, I've told you... I wasn't really into the whole high school scene." I said, looking down awkwardly. Hunter nodded slowly as if the thought was just now occurring to him.

"Oh, yes I remember now. Well, love there's a first time for everything. You'll have a great time and I'm eager to show your beautiful self off to all my friends." Hunter said with a cheeky grin. I blushed and kicked at the ground with my shoe. It still sort of made my stomach turn when he said I was beautiful. I wasn't used to that word ever been used in the same sentence as my name. I especially thought that it was weird to hear it from "Hollywood's It Boy." I knew I shouldn't think of him like that though. He was _my_ boy not Hollywood's number one lad. He was my lad. Yeah... he was my boyfriend. Hunter Thompson was my boyfriend. That thought boosted my confidence enough to go.

"Pleeease, Sam!" He begged. I rolled my eyes dramatically.

"Oh, alright I'll go." I said finally.

"Yeeeeah!" Hunter cheered pretended doing a few girly little jumps. I laughed a little as his reaction. He grabbed my hand, pecked my cheek, and led me to his car.

"Where exactly is this party?" I asked once we were on the road.

"It's at one of my best mate's houses. He's in the music industry too. There will be lots of people there." Hunter informed.

"Famous people?" I asked, almost choking on the word. Hunter nodded after pondering the question for a moment. He knew the answer would upset me and he hated doing that. Before I could even protest he started to comfort me.

"Babe, it's fine. Famous people are humans too ya know that, right? They're gonna love you." Hunter said.

"Nobody else seems to." I muttered. Hunter slammed the breaks a little too hard in my opinion at the red light.

"I'm sick of you saying that." Hunter almost seemed to hiss. I jerked my head up and looked at him angrily.

"What is that supposed to mean?" I snapped.

"You're always saying that you're not good at this or that and I'm tired of it. It's almost like you don't want to love yourself." Hunter said. My jaw dropped practically to the floor at his harsh words.

"Hunter, you live in some stupid dream world! What if this was high school? You'd be with the jocks making fun of me and I'd be over in the nerd huddle in the corner. You wouldn't give me the time of day! In fact you'd probably ignore me in public and make fun of me in private." I spat.

"This isn't highs cool! You're the one living in some dream world. Look at me, Sam! See me? Yes, it's your boyfriend Hunter. _This_ is the real world and high school is anything, but real. You're not even making since and I bet it's just the insecurities talking." He stated. I hated how he brought up my insecurities as if they were a topic of conversation. They were quite a private matter actually.

"I'm not insecure and I do want to love myself! Don't you dare tell me what I do or don't want to do because you don't know. You don't know anything, Hunter. You think you're so smart, but you're clueless." I snapped harshly. Hunter jerked the keys of the ignition and ran his hands through his hair in frustration. His hair wasn't in the usual wispy curls that were like an ocean wave on top of his head. Tonight, it was in beautiful luscious looking curls hanging loosely at the side of his face. I wanted to touch them really badly, but I was so angry right now that I refused to even make eye contact. Hunter got out of the car and opened my door for me. I didn't get out. I sat slouched in my seat with my arms crossed over my chest. I wasn't going to budge and he knew that.

"Listen, can we just start over? I'm sorry, okay? I didn't mean it. It's just very frustrating loving someone so much when they don't love themselves. Now, that's something I understand that you don't. I've been through stuff too, okay?" He asked. He held out his hand to me. I let out a heavy, dramatic sigh then reluctantly took it. He grinned at me. His smile was irresistible, which actually made me a little angry because I really wanted to stay mad right now. He pressed his lips against mine to make up. I didn't kiss him back though...not at all. He pulled me closer and wrapped his arms around me a little tighter. He pulled back and looked at me. He realized that I just wasn't going to give in. Making up with me wasn't that easy. He seemed to be studying my face for some sort of emotion, but I just stayed solemn. He sighed and took my hand.

"Come on, it's this way." He said, the disappointment clear in his voice. I followed to him a pool behind the house. There were glamorous looking people with expensive designer dresses on and makeup that looked like it had been done by high paying professionals. The girls were all sporting diamond embroidered jewelry and purses that looked as if they were all imported from foreign countries. My makeup had been done by a professional tonight because our makeup artists always did it for the boy's concerts, but it didn't even compare to these girls.

Their eyeliner was extravagant and their colors bold. They all had tan glowing sun-kissed skin and bodies that looked as if they had been carved by angels. I looked down at my cheap dress and how it squeezed my pudgy tummy. I crossed my arms over my chest self-consciously. I looked at the gaps between their thighs then at my fat meaty ones. Food was offered to me, but I turned it down after taking another glance at those girls. The boys hooted and hollered when Hunter came in.

"Heyyyy, the party just started! The H man is here!" One boy shouted. The girls all giggled and refused to take their eyes off him. A bunch of skinny twig looking blondes bounded over to Hunter and flocked him. They all flashed their pearly whites at him and batted their long, fake eyelashes. I held Hunter's hand loosely and was ready to just let go completely when he wrapped both arms around my shoulders and kissed my cheek. The girl's eyes went as wide as saucers as they gawked at me and the cheek that had just been kissed by the hottest boy at this party.

"Um, Hunter who's this?" One of the blondes asked, gesturing to me.

"This is my girlfriend. Her name is Sam and she's our band's guitar player." Hunter introduced. He kept his arms around me.

"How long have you been dating?" Another blonde asked.

"A few months now actually." He replied. The girls jaws dropped halfway to the floor when he said that.

"So you're not-" Another began.

"Seeing multiple girls at one time. No, and I never was to begin with...she's it." With that, he strut off to his guy pals with his arm still draped over my shoulder.

"Hey, mate! How's it been going?" They all cooed. I sat there and listened to the boys tell stories, joke around, and laugh. I felt so out of place though. Don't get me wrong, I was so glad that Hunter took me as his date and even gladder when he stood up to those girls. But I knew that I didn't belong here with these kind of people. I knew my crowd and this diffidently wasn't it. I knew I wouldn't be making many public appearances with Hunter if these were the kind of people he was with. I liked them, but they just weren't my kind of people. To be fair though, not many people in the world were my kind of people. Kade was just about the only person in the world that I didn't feel insecure with. When I was with Kade I actually felt safe. Not many people in the world made me feel safe like he did. Not many people understood me.

I felt like going and talking to some people, but I felt that it would probably be pathetic to try really. I watched as they passed by my seat multiple times. When I didn't make the attempt I felt like a looser gawking at them as they walked by though. The situation overall was just out of my comfort zone and I very much liked to be comfortable. I had a really weird feeling in the pit of my stomach every time those girls looked at Hunter. I wasn't used to feeling it. It was jealousy...but a different kind of jealousy. Usually my jealousy was a burning feeling within me when I saw something that a pretty girl had that I wanted...now it was over loosing something _I_ had that _they_ wanted. It was so strange and such a horrible feeling. I was almost glad I had never had anything worth lusting over before because this feeling was awful. Just when I felt I couldn't take it anymore and I was getting up leave, a slow song came on. Hunter turned toward me and held out his hand with a romantic smirk on his face.

"Would you care to dance, love?" He asked, his accent clear and thick when he said it.

"Of course, handsome stranger." I pretended to flirt by batted my eyelashes like the other girls had done to him. He caught on pretty quickly to whom I was impersonating and laughed hysterically at how accurate it was. He took my hand and led me to the dance floor. He wrapped his arms around my waist and I hesitantly wrapped mine around his neck. I could feel the watchful eyes of every girl in this place on me and something about this just didn't seem quite right. Hunter pulled me even closer to where my head fit right into the place between his shoulder and his neck. He acted as if we were the only two here and I wondered how easily he could tone the others out. A lot of the girls who had been at his heels all night were dancing with other guys...probably just to make him jealous. But there were a lot of his guy friends at the side of the floor watching us. They obviously weren't as hot as him and couldn't get girls like he could. They stood alone in their own little "bro huddle" and I knew we were probably the topic of the huddle.

"You're shaking." He whispered in my ear.

"Your friends scare me." I whispered back. He laughed a little and I felt his chest rise and fall as he did.

"Oh, they're nothing to be scared of. I think you'd all get on really well if you gave them a chance." Hunter informed. I didn't say anything in reply. I could never give this people a chance because they were the complete opposite of everything I wanted to be. They were clingy, rich, stuck up, and clueless people. Okay, maybe I was the one being stuck up at the moment...but they scared me. I wasn't used to being scared of anyone or anything. I had no emotion and it's pretty hard to put fear into an emotionless, teenage girl. Fear was an emotion after all, wasn't it? I just didn't like being around people who put that emotion into me, as a matter of fact I didn't like being around anyone who put any emotion whatsoever into me... except Kade. I felt a different emotion with him. An indescribable one.

"Well, why don't we forget my little "friends" for just a moment then. Right now is about you, babe." Hunter whispered to me, shattering my thoughts. I nodded and got a little closer, but not too close. There was still just a little anger still in me from when he told me that I wanted to be insecure. He twirled me and my dress flawed out a little when he did. I felt sort of like a princess at a ball. But... if I was the princess that might Hunter would have to be the prince. I don't think I was ready for a prince...or a happy ever after. People like me don't get happy ever after ending anyway. I'm like one of those warriors from those horrific trauma filled novels. But in the end of those novels the character always ends up stronger and...she survives. I'd survive.

"I love you." Hunter whispered. I just nodded. I tried to make the words come out, but they just wouldn't form on my lips. The words were caught in my throat and refused to come out. I just couldn't do it. I wasn't used to feeling loved and diffidently not being told I was loved. The song ended and Hunter pulled back to look at me. He looked really disappointed. He wanted me to confess my love, dance of into the sunset, and have a happy ever after ending with me. Or did he? Did he just want three little words? Could I give him that without giving up everything? He studied my eyes to see if there was love in them. I looked down. That was it. He let go of me completely.

"We should probably go now." He said. I nodded and followed him toward the door. Of course, the girls made a bee line to hug him and drool all over him. I gagged myself a little as they did. Finally, after Hunter received many good-bye hugs and kisses we were finally able to leave. Hunter went to the car and didn't even bother to open the door. Hunter started the car up and we drove on in silence for a few moments. He looked really angry right now. I sighed a little and tried to find the words.

"Hunter..." I said. My voice came out as more of a squeak than a confident beginning to an announcement.

"Yes?" He replied a little impatiently.

"I love you." I said. The words felt strange and uncomfortable on my lips The words coming from my mouth were not very familiar to me and I hated being unfamiliar with things. Hunter jerked the car to a stop at the red light. He set his eyes on me his expression was excited, but hesitant at the same time.

"Do you mean it, Sam?" He asked, staring at me so hard I thought I'd melt underneath his gaze. I looked at him and nodded, unable to say the words out loud. I had already said it once and I wasn't going to confirm the fact once again. One "I love you" was plenty because I didn't think I had too much love in me to be freely giving out anyway. Hunter looked at me and grinned from ear to ear.

"I love you, Sam. I love you, I love you, I love you." He said. His accent grew thicker with every word and I smiled at the way the words sounded. They sounded almost...poetic. He put a finger gently beneath my chin and leaned closer to me. Just then, a car horn blared and ruined the moment. We both burst out laughing because it reminded us of the first time we'd gone out to the beach together. That was our first real date. As strange as it sounds, I was thankful for that horn blare. It was something that had happened before...something familiar. Unlike all these new words and emotions being discussed that I didn't understand. But as we laughed everything was good, everything was right, the feelings were familiar and I loved it.

The next morning, I woke with a startle to the sound of someone hollering. I rolled out of bed and smashed hard into the floor. I staggered to my feet in surprise. Kade was standing in front of me with the goofiest grin on his face. I rubbed my eyes and stared at him, waiting for an explanation on why he was in here.

"It's road-trip time! I've got snacks, CDs, and cheesy fedora hats." He said displaying every item.

"Cheesy fedora hats?" I said, raising an eyebrow.

"Isn't that what they all wear during those cute little road trip movies?" Kade asked. I shook my head and laughed.

"Well, never the less I'm all road trip ready!" He cried giddily. I had never seen him so excited in my entire life. I loved this side of him. I loved seeing the real him.

"Can I at least get ready?" I asked.

"But you look great." He protested. I laughed out loud as I caught my reflection. I had bed-head really badly, my hair looked like a matted lion's mane that had been tussled with by a predator, my makeup less face revealed spots of acne, and there was noticeable bags under my eyes. I grabbed a brush and ran it through my hair trying to get the huge mass of tangles out. Kade took a seat and watched me. I hated it when people saw me get ready, it just made me really self-conscious of all the things I had to cover up.

"Why do guys wear makeup?" Kade asked innocently, as I pulled out my eyeliner.

"So boys will think that they are pretty." I stated, covering up my spots of acne.

"Jade never wore any makeup." Kade stated. I looked at him funny.

"I thought you said she was the most popular girl in school." I protested.

"She was." He replied.

"That's funny... usually the popular ones are the cake-faced girls with the sleek hair that they probably spent three hours straightening." I said. Kade looked insulted.

"Jade wasn't like that. She was absolutely flawless without a single spot of makeup and I think that's why she was so respected. She wasn't popular...she was respected." Kade stated. I dropped my eyeliner.

"You know what? In honor of Jade I'll go makeup less today." I stated as I shoved my makeup back into it's bag and zipped it up. I turned to face him and he flashed a look of admiration at me.

"Beautiful..." I heard him mutter. The words didn't feel like a lie coming from Kade's lips, but they still made me uneasy anyway.

"Ohhhh, sure." I said, swatting his arm. He grinned at me and grabbed his things before heading out the door.

"Do you actually know where we're going?" I asked, once we were on the road.

"Well, I think I got a pretty good idea." He said, glancing at the GPS.

"We're not going on a wild goose chase?" I questioned.

"Well, we are chasing your goose brother." He replied cheekily. I swatted at his arm again.

"He's not a goose!" I protested.

"Oh, would you rather a more exotic animal? Like a hippo, or an elephant, oh how about a warthog!" He said grinning at me.

"You're a warthog." I muttered. He heard me and reached over his arm to tickle me. I squealed and pushed him away.

"Both eyes on the road, mister." I scolded. But really, any sort of affection or emotion from him was rare. I wanted him to stay like this forever and not turn solemn. I knew this road trip was very serious. It was the first time I was going to be able to see my brother in ages. But until that moment came, I was enjoying my time with Kade.

Kade popped a CD into his radio. "Drops of Jupiter" by Train blared through the speakers.

"Oh, I love this song!" I cried clapping my hands.

"Now that she's back in the atmosphere... with drops of Jupiter in her hair, heyyyyyyy!" Kade sang loudly. His singing was screechy and off-key. I covered my eyes and giggled. He pried my hands of my ears and sang even louder.

"She acts like summer and walks like rain. Reminds me that there's a time to change. Heyyyy." He squawked louder. I giggled and decided I might as well chime in.

"Since her return of the stay on the moon, she listens like rain and she talks like June, heyyyy, heyyy."

"So tell me... did you sail across the sun?" He sang loudly.

"Did you make it to the milky way to see the lights all faded." I sang a little louder.

"And that Heaven is overrated." He half screamed half sang.

"Did you fall for a shooting star?" I tried to yell over him.

"One without a permanent scar!" Kade drowned me out.

"Did you miss me while you were lookin' for yourself out there?" We both belted together. Kade started bopping and fist bumping in slow motion. I giggled as I watched him lip sync the words. He made strange faces with every lyric and pretended to be pushing from the depth of his diaphragm. I did the same. When we were at a red light the lady beside us saw us dancing like fools and gawked at us with her mouth half dropped to the floor. Kade rolled down the window and sang to the lady.

"I'm afraid she'll think of me as plain old Jane, told a story about a man who was too afraid to fly so he never did land!" Kade sang to the woman. The lady inched away in her seat and rolled the windows up. We laughed as sped away from us the minute the light turned green. Her face was absolutely priceless. She turned pale as if she were scared we were gonna hurt her...or maybe our singing was hurting her. She looked as if she thought we were aliens that might abduct her. I laughed until my stomach hurt and tears rolled down my cheeks. I hadn't laughed this hard in ages. Every time I thought I had control over myself, I'd look at Kade and loose it all over again. Kade was so beautiful when he laughed. His eyes got this sparkle in them and his whole face seemed to light up. I wished he would laugh like this a little more often. It was like a piece of art always hidden beneath the curtain... Kade in general was a piece of art continuously hidden. I felt like we both were, but maybe now we were getting to see the light.

Kade stopped at a gas station and got out to pump. He fished in his pocket and pulled out his wallet. He handed me a little money.

"How about you go in and buy us both some icees?" He suggested.

"I've never had one before." I stated honestly.

"Really? Oh, you're missing out. Go ahead, my treat." He said, shooing me. I jogged into the gas station and flicked the lever on the icee machine. The thick liquid gushed out and into my cup. I thought it would stop automatically or something when it got to the top of my cup, but it continued to flow steadily. It flowed over the brim of the cup and all over my hands. I squealed and tried to catch the freezing liquid in my hands. I didn't know what to do. The ice made a loud patter sound as it hit the floor. I panicked as I started bringing a lot of attention to myself. I stuck my head under the machine and let the liquid all flow into my mouth instead of on the floor. Kade game sprinting over to my aid. He burst through the door and over to me. He snapped the lever back and stopped the stream of ice from flowing immediately. He took one look at me and burst out laughing. I had the sticky syrupy substance all over my face and stuck in my hair. I was shivering and my face felt numb from the extreme amount of coldness I had just been put through. Kade didn't stop laughing as he went to get me some napkins. He wet the napkins and vigorously scrubbed my face. The water on the napkin was warm and felt good on my half frost-bitten face. His hard-core scrubbing became slow graceful strokes on my face as he got every last bit of it of my face. Even when he was done he didn't take the napkin off my face. He traced my jawline with it and was looking deeply in my eyes. He grinned at me.

"You didn't notice the lever went backwards as well?" He whispered. His face was a little too close to mine right now. I wanted to push him away, but everything in me wanted him to stay this close to me forever. I giggled a little at my own stupidity. His hand was now holding the balled up piece of napkin, but his hand still remained outstretched along my jawline. He noticed he hadn't moved yet and awkwardly took his hand away.

"Oh, sorry. I thought I saw a little more icee." He said quickly, his face flushing a deep red.

I laughed a little awkwardly.

"Well, the little bit of icee I tasted was good." I stated. He laughed. His laughter rang out merrily and was like sweet music to my eager ears. The worker behind the counter came with a mop to clean up the mess.

"It's fine, I'll clean it." Kade said, taking the mop from the man. The man didn't protest whatsoever and resumed reading his magazine with his feet propped up on the counter. Kade was such a gentleman.

"Kade, I can clean it. I am the idiot who didn't know how to pull the lever back." I said.

"Oh, you're not an idiot, but I must admit that was a pretty idiotic thing to do." He stated.

"Hey!" I cried. He looked up from his mopping to grin at me.

"Well, how about I try again?" I asked, grabbing another cup.

"Oh no, you don't! You've had your chance. I'll be making the icees from here on out." Kade stated, snatching the cup from me. We both walked out satisfyingly sipping our icees.

"Well, was it worth the trauma?" Kade teased, as I took my first few sips.

"Absolutely! This is amazing. Why haven't I had one of these before?" I asked, drinking like a camel.

"Stick with me and we'll discover all sorts of things, babe." He said, sipping loudly. I wondered what he meant by that. We started the car up and for a while there was nothing but the sound of our steady sipping. But then Kade broke the silence with a strange question that I wasn't sure I really wanted to answer. Out of the blue he turned slightly to me, taking his attention off the road and asked me,

"Do you love Hunter?" I contemplated the question for a moment and stalled by sipping my icee obnoxiously for quite a while. He knew I was dodging the question and shot me an annoyed look.

"Ah, brain freeze!" I cried, grabbing my head. He laughed softly and it came from the back of his throat. I could tell he was trying to be serious, but I made him, laugh anyway and that's why the laugh was so raspy and dark sounding.

"That's what you get for not answering the question." He said, his voice coming out deep and dark like it usually did. His voice usually changed when he was around me though. It became perkier and he sounded more alive. But right now, he had returned to his deep monotonous dark tone. I could tell this was a serious question. I looked out the window a moment longer before finally deciding to tell him what I had never told anyone else.

"I told him I loved him last night." I said quietly. There was nothing, but the sound of a quiet sip and tires running on the paved interstate. I waited patiently for Kade to respond. He took almost as much time as I did.

"Did you mean it?" He questioned. I was wondering why we were getting so deep all of a sudden. I mean, we were having fun. Now, we had turned into a Dr. Phil episode.

"He said it first." Was all I was able to reply.

"Love isn't something you freely hand out, Sam. You know that, right?" Kade questioned. I felt like he was getting on to me now and I hated being corrected. I didn't like this stern fatherly tone he was using with me at the moment.

"I know that. I don't give out love to anyone. It's a rare thing for me to care about anyone." I informed a little annoyed. He cocked a brow at me.

"You don't care for anyone?" He questioned.

"Rarely." I replied, honestly.

"When you're really in love...you'll know it. If you're having doubts it's not real." Kade continued.

"Did you know you loved Jade?" I asked, trying to change the subject and make this therapy session about him. Kade laughed a little. This time, it wasn't a deep laugh. This laugh seemed to almost burst out of him. It was the kind of laugh that only escapes you when you are reminded of fond memories.

"Yes, and that's why it was so hard leaving her. You see all these movies where everything is perfect and two people have that fairy tale ending...and I found it. I found my princess. I was her prince and I was reading for our happy every after, but what's so difficult is I was the reason my princess had to leave the story book. It wasn't her decision to go... it was mine. Maybe if she had chosen to leave it would have been easier because I could have accepted she didn't love me anymore, but...it was all my fault. I can't describe to you how bad that kind of guilt sting within you...knowing you've lost your princess and it's all your fault." Kade rambled a bit. I looked at him intently. He had the look of a man in love. He loved Jade and I was hoping I could find a love like his...one that I was completely sure of.

"Will you ever find another princess?" I asked. The way Kade said the word "princess" filled me with wonder. It was different from the way Hunter said it. Maybe it was special because Hunter had been with multiple other "princesses" before he met me. He had probably used that term as a nickname more than a proclamation of his love. Kade had only one princess and he loved her with all his heart. I would die to be called his princess.

"Maybe I will some day, but now... I don't think it would be fair to her. I mean, I kind of still love Jade. I don't think it's fair to offer someone your heart when it already belongs to someone else." Kade said. Woah, that's deep.

"To be honest... I don't want a love like the movies. I see these books and movies and it scares me." I admitted.

"How so?" Kade asked. He looked at me as if he were actually interested in what I had to say and that was a rare thing. Not many people, gave a care about what I had to say so I continued knowing this might be the only time this kind of undivided attention was offered so freely to me.

"When I hear these love songs, watch these movies, and read these books and it just scares me. You give your love everything. Your heart, your time, sometimes even your money and you're also giving them the chance to ultimately crush you. I mean, why would you take the risk like that? It could make you immensely happy, but it could also bring you so many tears and so much pain. Life just seems easier when you don't care for people. When you don't care about anyone... no one can let you down, nobody can disappoint you, or break you, or leave you all alone." I rambled. I looked to Kade realizing I had been going on about this for a while and I assumed his reaction would be bored, but it wasn't...it was thoughtful.

"You can't appreciate love unless you've been in it, Sam...it's amazing. It makes you feel so-" I knew this was going to be a sappy lovey-dovey talk.

"I don't feel though...I don't feel anything. I feel hate and sadness for the most part and those seem to be the only two emotions I possess." I stated.

"Love will make you start to feel." Kade said.

"I don't want to feel." I protested. Kade drew in a deep breathe and exhaled it slowly, obviously buying time for his next comeback.

"To be honest, I don't know if I am either. The hardest part is trying again. When someone or something leaves you heartbroken it's so hard to pick up the pieces again. Learning to love again is a hard task and you're case...learn to trust again. We can relate to each other, Sam. I guess I just have to wait until my princess is ready for that fairy tale ending...because the prince isn't ready to ride off into the sunset either." Kade said. I stiffened a little at what he had just said. Was he saying that he wanted a fairy tale ending with me? Surely not. I tried not to think about it too much. But the look he gave me was very hesitant as if he was studying my expression to see if he has overstepped his boundaries. I didn't return the eye contact and made sure my gaze was locked on the road.

The way he said "princess" was beautiful though. It actually was almost like poetry rolling off his tongue and the words were like music to my ears as they exited his lips. I was surprised that they intrigued me so much, but I was pretty sure I knew why. When he said he was waiting for his princess he meant the girl that would come with the key to unlock his heart again. When Hunter called me his princess I knew that there had been many royalty before me, but Kade... Kade was real. His princess was gone now and he was once again searching for a damsel in distress to save. But in reality she'd be the one saving him, saving him from being so bitter, saving him from being forbidden to love, and saving him mostly from himself.

"Well, why was Jade your princess? What made her so special?" I asked, putting the pressure on him once again.

"She was perfect. She was very romantic as well." Kade said with a grin.

"What was so romantic about her?" I questioned.

"One time, I was really confused about if I school pursue this whole music thing or not and I told her I just needed someone to light my way. That night, she had a trail of rose petals leading to my backyard. She had set torches and candles all around my yard and when she came out she said, "I'll be your torch...I'll light your way" and hugged me. It was the nicest thing anyone has ever done for me." Kade stated. He smiled as he recalled the memory and I could tell it was a happy one for him. I wanted to have happy memories with him as well. Woah, my mind was going wild.

"Are we close?" I asked, trying to change the subject quickly. Kade glanced at his GPS.

"Yeah, we're almost there actually." He replied. I grinned from ear to ear. I couldn't wait to see my brother after all this time. I would tell him all that had happened and how much I've missed him and we could just be a proper family again. Just the thought of it set off a little giggle in me that I do believe escaped my mouth.

"What are you so happy about?" Kade asked, noticing my soft laughter. He looked at me as I tried my best to wipe the grin off my face.

"I'm just so happy! I can't wait to see my brother again." I squealed. Kade grinned at me. I don't think he'd ever really seen me so enthusiastic.

"Don't worry, in forty miles he's all yours." Kade said cranking the radio. Now that our deep conversation was out of the way it was time to crank the tunes and jam out. Besides, this was no time for seriousness and pain. This was a time for celebration. Or so I thought...

After what seemed like years, Kade parked the car. We were in front of a shabby house that looked like it could use a paint job. The wood was splintered and the whole place smelled of smoke. I coughed as I inhaled the foul smell. Kade sputtered and wheezed as well. I thought this was a rehab center to stop smoking, drinking, and drug use habits not advertise the matter They must have a few people who sneak back and do those kind of things... surely not my brother though. He wasn't that desperate. We walked up the creaky wooden stairs that looked as if they might give at any moment then pushed hard against the heavy door as it slowly gave in and opened noisily. All eyes turned to us as we entered the room. Obviously there weren't many visitors around here. The boys were sitting at tables, playing cards, and lounging around. So far so good. Kade and I slowly made our way through to the front desk as he smiled as the stunned looking boys.

"Um, who are you here to see?" The lady asked.

"I'm Sam Baker and I'm here to see my brother Ryan Baker. Oh, and this is my friend Kade... he came with me." I informed. I felt like my every word bounced off the walls of this place and jumped around the room. The place was so quiet and eerie. I looked down at the cupcakes I held. Kade and I had gone to a lot of trouble to get cute little custom made cupcakes from this expensive new bakery in town. I'd saved for a little while to get the nicest ones there. I knew Ryan had a sweet tooth. I was so excited.

"He's in room 309 down the hallway." The lady said jerking her head lazily in that direction. Kade and I both nodded our gratitude then started down the long narrow hallway. The cheap lights on the wall flickered with our every step. The floorboards moaned beneath our weight and I figured this might just be the cheapest place in all of Tennessee. My excitement was dying with every step toward that door. Something deep down told me I wasn't going to get exactly what I was anticipated today. I gently lifted my shaky hand to knock on his door. I didn't know why I was so nervous, I mean he was my brother. There was really no need to be tense, but it was hard to relax in such a disturbing environment.

"Do you want me to wait out here?" Kade asked, interrupting my deep thoughts.

"Yeah, could you? I kind of want to talk to him in private." I replied.

"I completely understand. I'll be in the lounge, alright? If you need me I'm here." He said. I nodded. I was glad I had him here with me.

The door swung open to reveal my brother with a goofy grin on his face. I threw my arms around him. It felt so nice to be in his arms again. I wasn't the touch feely kind, but this moment was a wonderful one. I had desired his embrace for so long. His arms were strong and his grip tightened around me. I inhaled deeply. He smelled like smoke. I pulled back and looked at his face. His eyes were dimmed and glazed over. I drew in a shaky breathe and looked at him. He was ridiculously skinny and his pants sagged off his body. His hair lay on his shoulders in two big tangled clumps and a headband was pushing his shaggy locks away from his face. He looked awful. I wondered if he was even sober. I was about to find out.

"Ryan?" I said quietly.

"Sam! How's my wonderful sister?" His words slurred and he couldn't seem to focus his eyes on me for more than a few seconds. I was infuriated. He was supposed to be here to sober up, not have an all you can smoke dope buffet. I bit my lip trying not to saying anything that might upset him. It was especially to anger him when he was in this state.

"Ryan, are you okay?" I asked cautiously.

"Yeah, never better." He said, swaying a little. I clinched my teeth together and set my jaw tightly to control my tongue from releasing a string of accusations.

"Sit down." Ryan offered, pulling out a chair. I slowly and hesitantly was seated across from him. I set the cupcakes on the table beside him.

"That's nice." He said, nodding toward the cupcakes. I forced a smile. I decided I would ease into the conversation and not explode him with everything I wanted to say. There was so much I wanted to tell him and so little time.

"Ryan, are they good to you here?" I asked. I felt like I was speaking to a small child or a dog. I had the voice of a master training his pet. Ryan nodded deeply and lazily, his head tossing his one side as he did.

"Have you been sober?" I questioned further.

"Yeah, the people here are nice." He said. I sighed. That wasn't the question at all.

"Hey, I wanted to ask you something." I said slowly.

"Fire away, sis!" He said, taking a swig from his bottle. I jumped at the sight of it. Just the image of anything alcoholic made me want to be sick. Ryan had scarred me for life. I would never drink a drop of it as long as I lived. I had made a vow to myself and to God. I didn't want to end up like this fool, throwing away everything that he ever cared about.

"Ryan, you're not supposed to have that." I said, angrily. I tried to stay calm, but I could feel my body heating as anger surged throughout me.

"Oh, calm down. It's just a little gift from the boys." He said, licking his lips. I inhaled deeply trying to keep control of myself.

"I got a list of things I need. If you visit again I want you to bring them." He said shoving the list toward me. I took the list calmly in my hands.

"Visiting you again isn't very likely." I muttered.

"What was that?" He snapped.

"Nothing." I said quickly. I glanced at the lists. The first thing on there was cigarettes... yeah, like that was going to happen.

"Um, anyway...I wanted to ask you if you really wrote this." I said, taking a note from my purse. The note was a letter to my father. It said how sorry he was and how much he'd changed. It went on to say how much he loved my father and cared for him, how he couldn't wait to show the new him off to the family. But the letter seemed full of lies now. Ryan looked anything but changed.

"Therapist made me write that." Ryan said, swigging from his bottle again. My jaw dropped practically to the floor. All the excitement I had been feeling before was suddenly sucked out of me and drained from my system. My entire body froze and he continued downing the rest of the liquid in his bottle.

"So...the letter you wrote me was fake as well?" I asked quietly. Ryan just stared at me blankly. He might as well have ripped my heart out, thrown it on the ground, and stomped it a few times. I had received a letter earlier that said how much he couldn't wait to see me and how he treasured me. The letter had actually made me cry which was a very difficult thing for me to do so I was deeply touched. Now I find out that every bit of it was lies. Every. Single. Word. I had never been so disappointed in my entire life. I thought he meant it. I thought he loved me I don't even know why. How could I have possibly been so stupid? Why did I even come here anyway? It wasn't worth it. None of this was. I traveled so far and worked so hard to get here. I spent my time and money on him and what did I get? A drugged, little bum that would never amount to anything, drool and make drunken conversation. A fire starting in me.

"You're a little liar!" I yelled. He jumped back a little as I continued to scream.

"You lied to Mom, and Dad, and me! We gave you everything!" I hollered. He shot off his seat.

"You gave me nothing. Mom hated me." He said.

"YOU LIAR! SHE LOVED YOU AND YOU HAVE NO IDEA WHAT YOU'RE SAYING!" I shrieked. Tears started forming in my eyes as anger continued to boil inside me. He stood there watching me burn and didn't care. My tears didn't face him. He didn't know how hard it was to start a water show with me.

"GET OUT!" He screamed back, slurring a little.

"NO! You're nothing but a no good, lying, backstabbing, selfish, bratty, stupid, drunken, drug-dealing, waste of air and I hate you. I will never stop hating you. You lied to us. You let us think you cared after we gave you absolutely everything. You don't know how much I've cried over you and honestly you don't care. I will never cry for you again. I hate you." I said through clenched teeth. He didn't react much. He just took another sip from his bottle. Now, he's done it. I swiped the bottle from his hands and threw it as hard as I could against the wall. I hated that bottle. I knew he loved that bottle much more than he could ever love me. He screamed like I'd just shot him. He shoved me hard and I fell down. I quickly shot to the door and stumbled to my feet. I fumbled with the knob trying as quickly as I could to get out of there. I felt his hand grip my shoulder and I thought I was about to get hit. Kade burst in just then and him away from me. Ryan hiked back an arm and punched him right in the mouth. I screamed as he did.

"STOP! DON'T TOUCH HIM!" I shrieked. I tried to pry Ryan off him, but he gave me another hard shove and I went flying in the other direction. Kade tackled him to the ground and they rolled around punching and hollering words I didn't want to hear. Kade gave him a hard punch in the nose that made me slide down the wall in the corner, covering my ears, and praying. Ryan shoved Kade against the wall and Kade kneed him hard in the stomach. Ryan coughed, sputtered, and then fell to the floor. He gasped to get his breathe back. Kade took advantage of the moment. He took my hand and sprinted out of the house. He practically carried me down the creaky old stairs and didn't stop running until he reached the car. He shoved the keys into the ignition and peeled out of the parking lot. But not before I saw a limping Ryan shuffle into the lounge and give out my expensive, hard earned cupcakes. I think he wanted me to see that. He wanted me to know that he'd never eat anything I'd touched and he in no way was interested in accepting my peace offering. He didn't want peace. He hated me now and I apparently hated him too. I burst into tears. I was so disappointed, and hurt, and embarrassed. I was indescribably angry and embarrassed for letting myself be so stupid. I wept bitterly right in front of Kade and at the moment I didn't care how much of a baby I looked like. The pain was just too much for me to bare at the moment. Kade pulled the car over once we were a safe distance away and opened my door. He pried me out of the car and into his open arms. I sobbed into his chest and I just didn't care. I didn't care if anyone saw us, or if they took pictures. It just didn't matter. Nothing seemed to matter anymore. He rubbed my shoulders as they shook up and down with my every sob. He whispered comforting things and my ear that I could hear over my muffled cries. He swayed a little soothingly and I honestly wished he'd never let go. I pulled away and looked at him. There was still blood on his face.

"Oh, Kade! I'm so sorry. I never thought you'd get hurt-" He started.

"Shh, it's alright. I'm fine." He assured as he pulled me back into his arms. I still held my face to my hands as he held me to his chest. I didn't want him to see my tears. I wanted him to still think of me as a strong individual. I stared at the tattoo on his forearm that read "strong" and the sight comforted me. He pulled up his shirt sleeve a little and peered at it.

"That's you." He said, lightly tracing the word with his finger. I smiled a little and reached into the car. I pulled some napkins out of the glove department. They were left over from our icee and I had placed them there. I wiped his face gently and he flinched a little when I did.

"Are you okay? Does it hurt?" I asked. He shook his head and let me wipe the rest of the blood away. He had a scab by his mouth and his eye was slightly swollen. I looked at him and anger surged throughout me again.

"I can't believe he did this to you." I said through clenched teeth. He traced my jaw lightly with his fingertip.

"It's okay, I did it for you. He was no match for me anyway." He said with a laugh. I laughed as well and it felt nice.

"He's not worth your pain or my tears." I said. But as I said it the pain still welled up inside me and I broke. The tears flooded again and embarrassed me once more. Kade pulled me into his strong arms again and I let him. I cried and cried. I cried for the love that I'd never obtain, I cried for the thoughts wasted on him, I cried for my mother whom he never loved, I cried for my father that he could never accept, I cried for all the times I had been envious of that perfect family, I cried for always thinking I had done something wrong to make him this way, I cried for being so stupid to believe he loved me, I cried because that bottle was worth more than I was, and I mostly cried for the best big brother I never had.

CHAPTER FIFTEEN: You never loved him

I woke up in the morning feeling grouchy and awful. What I really needed was a nice, long nap, but that wasn't going to happen. We had a jam-packed tour schedule and tonight the boys were headed to a huge awards show. The finest celebrities would be there, but the rest of the band wasn't invited. I guess Kade and I would just have to watch it on the television from the comfort of our own rooms...bummer. I got dressed and got ready for rehearsal. I bounced in the room ready to rock. This was a time to let loose and forget everything that had happened yesterday. It was a moment for me... not Ryan. Ryan had taken up so much of my time and thoughts already and quite frankly he didn't deserve any more. I'd given him everything and I knew he wasn't thinking twice about me. The place was empty. The boys much be running a little late. I walked onto the stage and began to tune my guitar. Hunter came bounding in.

"Hey, Sam!" He cried a little too excitedly.

"Hey." I replied back looking up from my guitar.

"So, you know tonight is the big awards show." Hunter said.

"Yes..." I replied, not really knowing where he was going with this.

"Well, I wanted to know if you'd be my date to it." I winced a little. That awards show had a lot of cameras and celebrities there...pretty celebrities. I knew it would be really easy to see who were the superstars and what the cat had dragged in.

"Hunter, I don't know. There's a lot of people and cameras there and I think your fans would be really jealous anyway. I just don't really think it's a good idea." I said. Hunter sighed threw his head back in an annoyed fashion, as if we'd been over this a million times before, but we kind of had.

"Sam, it'll be fun! I promise I won't let the big mean celebrities get to you." He said in a baby voice. I rolled my eyes. He got down on his knees and took my hands in his.

"Samantha Baker, I would like to cordially invite you to a simply gathering where awards of high status will be handed out to subjects worthy of it. If you refuse, I'm terribly afraid I will have to result to screams and cries of anger and sadness. So please accept this simple invitation." Hunter said in a loud obnoxious voice. I smiled a little and also blushed at his loud, embarrassing invitation.

"Yes, kind sir', I accept." I said with a slight curtsy. He let out a low raspy chuckle and kissed my hand.

"That's my girl." He said as he wrapped an arm around my shoulder. He looked me deep in the eyes and grinned his signature, cheeky, charming boyish grin.

"They're gonna love you." He whispered. Kade came in right then. When he saw Hunter's face so close to mine he jumped a little. A strange look filled his eyes that I was unable to read. Anger? Jealousy? All of the above? I wasn't sure. Hunter looked at him then back to me as he leaned in and pecked my lips. I stood there frozen, completely paralyzed. Kade looked down at the ground for a moment then back at me. There was so much hurt in his eyes and he gripped his chest a little as if the sight he'd just witnessed pained him. Hunter had kissed me before right in front of Kade. Before Kade's expression was confusing and unreadable. Now, it was clear. His hand remained gripping his chest and his eyes bore holes into Hunter. If looks were capable of killing Hunter would be long dead. I wiggled uncomfortably out of Hunter's arms. Hunter smirked a little at Kade and I wanted to slap him silly.

"What's wrong with your face, Kade?" Hunter asked. I stiffened up. I shook my head ever so slowly at Kade. He looked at me then back to Hunter.

"I fell and ran into a pole." Kade replied quickly. He scratched his head and shifted awkwardly. He was so bad at being unsuspicious.

"Must have been a pretty special pole." Hunter said nodding toward his bruise that looked exactly like it had been marked by a fist.

"And a special fall." He added quietly. He looked at me with a little gleam in his eye as he said that and I looked down too embarrassed to meet his eyes. He followed Kade's gaze to me and slid in front of me, blocking Kade's view of me. His hands hovered in front of me like a predator protecting it's food. Hunter kissed my head, marking his territory. I flinched a little. I didn't like to be thought of as territory. As a matter of fact, I didn't like any of this. I didn't come here for a love story. A love story is what so many girls dreamed of in their life time. Not me... my dream was to make it through this crazy thing called life and survive. This feeling of being fought over was one that I wasn't used to. I didn't like this.

"You should probably get in your position. We'll be starting any time now." Hunter said to Kade. Kade grunted and walked toward his guitar. As Kade walked past Hunter as was able to see me again, he smiled at me. Hunter shifted around to my side quickly, blocking me once again. Hunter's eyes were full of fiery and he had a "go ahead and try me" expression on his face. Kade didn't move nor did he break eye contact with Hunter. Their heated stares were setting the room on fire with tension. No words were said and you could pretty much hear a pen drop in this place. I guess it was a matter of who would surrender first. I stood there awkwardly caught in the middle of all this. Neither one seemed like retreating was an option for them. Kade growled a deep frightening growl that came from the back of his throat and turned on his heels slowly. He walked to the backstage area, his every step echoing in the silence of the room. I stood there quiet and frozen, not quite sure what had just happened. Hunter spun around quickly and put his hands on my shoulders. I jumped back a little at the sudden break of the lingering silence.

"I don't want you near him, you hear me?" He almost hissed. I pulled my head back quickly with righteous indignation.

"What do you mean you don't want me around him?" I snapped.

"I mean he's bad news, Sam. Trust me, that guy is nothing but a trouble maker. Stay with me...where you're safe." Hunter said. Oddly enough, I didn't feel safe with Hunter. Especially not now when he was clucking like a hen at me and telling me who to do be with. It made me angry when he did that. He said he was only trying to protect me, but he wasn't my father so there was no need for him to act like he was.

"Why did you hire him if he's nothing but trouble?" I demanded. Hunter let out a loud sigh and ran his fingers through his gorgeous locks. He did that when he was frustrated and I was usually the reason for his frustration.

"I didn't know, Sam! Why do you have to have a perfect explanation for everything?" Hunter said, the aggravation clear in his tone.

"You drive me crazy." I muttered angrily.

"YOU DRIVE ME CRAZY!" He screamed angrily. I jumped at his booming voice. His voice echoed and bounced off the walls in this place, ringing loudly in my ears. He saw a fright in my face which was uncommon for me because I usually wasn't scared of anything. He sighed when he saw my frightening expression. He touched my shoulder lightly. I jumped again.

"Would you stop that?" He said through clenched teeth.

"What?" I asked, shrugging his hand of my shoulder.

"Flinching every single time I get anywhere near you." He replied. He was trying to keep his cool and I was almost tempted to test him, but I stopped myself. I didn't want to take it too far.

"Listen, Sam I love you. I love you a lot and I just wanna do what's best for you, okay? I don't want you to get hurt. I honestly don't know what in the world I'd do if you got hurt because you mean so much to me. Now, can we please try and get along?" He grinned like a cute little kid when he said please. I smiled back a little. He was a charmer, I've got to admit. It was hard to stay angry with someone like that, but I've got a lot of experience in being angry with people. I nodded slowly, accepting the invitation to start over.

"Okay." I said. I didn't mean it though. He couldn't stop me from seeing Kade. I'd do what I wanted to do. I guess I was just a rebel at heart. I looked at him defiantly, but I nodded and pretended I was listening all the same.

"We're gonna have fun, okay? Tonight is gonna be great. Don't even worry about Kade." Hunter said. I nodded again, but I knew I would be worrying about Kade anyway. For some reason, the thought of him being all alone while I was out living the dream gave me a sort of unsettling feeling.

"I already told our manager that you'll be coming and he found an extra seat. I also told our stylist to help you get your hair and makeup down if you want." Hunter offered.

"Thanks." I said. The words felt funny on my lips. I wasn't used to thanking people for things because not many good things were done in my favor. He grinned at me then walked backstage to get his mic stand. My head wasn't really in the rehearsal that day nor was my heart. I was really worried about the awards show tonight. What was I supposed to wear? Were celebrities as stuck up in real life as they were in the movies? What if I wore a totally whack outfit and I was on a "What Not To Wear" episode? What if Hunter ran off with some other pretty girls and left me all alone? All these thoughts were raced through my mind. I sat there defeated. I couldn't believe that I had agreed to go honestly. I liked the idea of going, but the reality of it was quite scary. After rehearsals, our hair stylist, Kelly came running up to me with a giddy look on her face.

"Are you ready?" Kelly asked.

"Ready for what?" I questioned in reply.

"To get ready for tonight!" Kelly cried, as if the answer was completely obvious.

"But that's in like nine hours." I protested.

"Beauty takes time, babe. Now lemme see the dress." Kelly said, a sparkle lighting her eyes. I raised my eyebrows. I had no idea what she was talking about.

"No...no, no, no, no, no! Don't tell me you don't have a dress!" She practically yelled. She was grabbing her hair and I thought if her grasp got any tighter she might rip it right out of it's roots. I honestly didn't see what the big deal was.

"Kelly, it's okay. I'm sure I've got something." I said, waving her off. I turned to go, but she grabbed my shoulder and jerked me violently back around to face her.

"Sam, you _obviously_ do _not_ understand what things are like in this world. This isn't your typical Sunday attire. Sam, people spend _weeks_ sometimes even _months_ picking out the perfect dress for a night like this. We have one night. This is a huge deal and many people dream of going to events like this with a guy like Hunter. As a matter of fact, not a guy _like_ Hunter, a guy who _is_ Hunter. You do realize he was voted Hottest Man Alive. You're dating America's Sweetheart..so don't blow it." With that, she grabbed my hand and whisked me away to her car. I didn't really get what the big deal was and to be honest her dramatic words and hand gestures annoyed me.

I also hated how much she was stressing how incredibly hot and wonderful Hunter was. I get it, okay. The world loves him and not me. I didn't need that being waved in my face every five seconds. It was a pretty known fact without the announcement. We rode in her hot pink convertible in absolute silence. I didn't even want to go to this stupid thing. Why was I being dragged to go shopping. Shopping...ew. I hated it. It was so girly.

"We have so much work to do." Kelly muttered. I rolled my eyes dramatically and prayed that she didn't see it.

"I don't even have money." I protested, half-heatedly. Kelly waved a pink credit card in the air. Ew...so much pink.

"It's on the house." She said, smiling with her glossy lips. I wasn't sure she was allowed to dip into the band's bank account like that.

"This card is for emergencies and I considered this a fashion emergency." She said, as if reading my mind. Fashion emergency or not, I didn't want to be doing this.

We rolled into a huge building with a sign on the front that said "Lilian's" on it. It was an extremely fancy looking place with glass doors that you could see practically to the other side of the building with and a beautiful garden lining the outside area.

"Where are we?" I asked Kelly.

"Only at a world renounced fashion designer's business." Kelly replied.

"World renounced?" I echoed. Kelly nodded.

"He's pretty much the best." Kelly said with a satisfied smirk.

"No, no, no! He? Please, don't tell me this guy's a dude." I begged.

"That would be what the term he means." She said. I clapped my palm against my head.

"Well, this should be fun." I muttered, as I reluctantly rolled out of the car. As I walked in I realize just how "world renounced" it was. The ceilings were set high with glass chandeliers hanging from them and the lobby was enough to fit about four football fields. There were secretaries on every corner chatting away into her headsets, smart-looking people running around with clipboards, and cameramen filming it all go down. Wait, what? Cameramen? No, this couldn't be...

"They have their own reality show." Kelly, said confirming my nightmares. They'd better not film me. It was bad enough Hunter had convinced me to go to this event where there would be cameras snapping away at us. That was totally enough publicity for one day.

"But there's hundreds of customers a day, right? Surely they've got plenty of footage." I said nervously. Kelly rolled her eyes and shook her head slowly.

"Sam, don't you worry your pretty little head. They won't film you. I'll make sure of it." Kelly stated. I breathed a sigh of relief. That was one less thing to worry about.

Kelly strode up to the receptionist. Her face light up at the sight of Kelly.

"Kelly, baby! It's been forever. What can I do for you today?" She asked.

"The girl needs a dress for the award show tonight." Kelly said, nodding toward me. The receptionist looked at me with a little smirk playing on her lips.

"Ohhh, I recognize you. You're Hunter's girl. It's nice to meet you. The tabloids are hot on your tail, missy." She said with a mischievously grin. I forced a polite smile. I hated to be known as "Hunter's girl." I was a real human-being with actually feelings, and a name, and everything. But I was well-aware of the tabloids. I had been trying to stay away, but you simply can't shelter yourself from everything.

"It's awful late to be getting a dress." The receptionist stated. Oh, whatever. I didn't come here to get shunned, ya know?

"Yes, I know. She's still learning the ropes of the whole Hollywood thing." Kelly stated.  
Oh, the "Hollywood thing" is that what they call a bunch of brats in tight dresses?

"It's quite difficult to grasp. I'm still trying to get a handle of it." The receptionist said with a laugh. Kelly began cackling her obnoxious witch laugh as well. To be honest, they both sounding like a bunch of snorting pigs when they laughed. But most everyone in this business sounded like a snorting pig most of the time. I laughed along awkwardly anyway even though I found nothing funny in the slightest. '

"Sheri will show you the way." The receptionist said. Sheri jumped up at the sound of her name. Sheri was an eager, bubbly, little blonde who enjoyed talking. As we neared the elevators she was already yammering about her new french poodle and how she didn't get along with her hairless cat that she had recently adopted. I also got a good informative of how water from the Swiss Alps was much better for your skin and the guy who could hook me up with some if I came into some alley at midnight with money. I swear I could tell you the girl's life story by the time we finally reached our destination.

"Alright, good luck with the dress. Oodles!" Sheri cried as she bounced off.

"She sure is a peppy thing." Kelly muttered. I shrugged.

"Surprisingly...I kind of like her." I admitted. Kelly shrugged as well then pushed through the heavy double doors. The doors had a huge star on them that read "Marcos." Yeah... this guy was gonna be a total weirdo. I could smell the nut case already. When we entered, the first thing I saw was a man with extremely tight pants on. He also sported a turtleneck and white hair that was in a bowl cut around his strangely square face. He had thick black glasses and one white glove on...just the way I pictured him.

"Oh, Keeeelllyy, babyyyy!" He said throwing his noodle-like arms in the air. Oh. My. Gosh. Ew.

"Oh, it's just been too long." He said playfully swatting her arm with his ridiculously small wrist. He giggled a little and jumped up and down. I lowered my head in shame. This was simply too much for my eyes to bare.

"Oh, and who is this lovely little lady?" He asked, putting his hands on his lips.

"I'm Sam." I said weakly. His hand fluttered to his mouth.

"OMG, could you happen to be the girlfriend of Hunter Thompson. _The_ Hunter Thompson? That boy's band is bigger than the Beatles, you know. Oh, I'll be right back." He said clapping his hands excitedly. No way. He just said OMG out loud and he was a dude. This was too much. I tossed my head over at Kelly as if I'd just been slapped.

"Kelly, I want out." I said firmly.

"Don't be so dramatic." Kelly, said as she applied MORE lip gloss.

"I'm not being dramatic. The guy is absolutely nuts. Why would I let a fruit cake like that put me in a dress?" I questioned. Kelly smiled at little at my little "fruit cake" comment. She pursed her lips and forced the smile to fade, but diffidently not before I saw it.

"He's a very well respected man. You should be ashamed of yourself talking about him like that." Kelly stated.

"Kelly, he said OMG... out loud. Like he was a sixteen year old white chic or something." I stated. Again, Kelly pursed her lips to suppress the smile that was threatening to spread across her face. I'd gotten my point across.

Just then, Marcos came bounding in with cameramen on his tail. I nearly fell out of my hot pink feathered chair. I threw my hands in front of my face, blocking the camera's shot of me.

"What are they doing here?" I practically shouted.

"Oh, this is just gonna be so perfect... a segment on the girlfriend of the most popular man in the world getting the perfect dress. Samantha, you'll be a fashion icon." Marcos said putting his hand on his heart as if saluted fashion or something.

"First off, don't call me Samantha. Second, I think you're completely bonkers and I don't like you-" I began to rant.

"SAM!" Kelly snapped. Her eyes were daggering into me, but I wasn't done... not even close.

"Third, there is absolutely no way on this earth you are filming me and lastly, I will hit you with your own Prada bag if front of your mother if you address me as "Hunter's girlfriend" one more time." I said. You could pretty much hear a pen drop in the room after that. It was really silent really quickly.

"Um, Sam can I have a word please?" Marcos asked, as he motioned for me to follow him out. With a dramatic eye roll and throwing of the head I followed him reluctantly outside. He led me down the plush red carpeted hallway to a corner. I was sort of scared to be following this looney toon. People like him were unpredictable.

"Sam, darling... please can you do this for me? This could boost my show to an all new level. I won't lie to you because I love you... the ratings haven't been their best recently." Marcos said ringing his hands nervously. You tell me because you love me? Uh, ew.

"Listen, I'm sorry about your ratings, but there's nothing I can do. My hands are tied." I said.

"Well, then untie them because I need you." He whined. He was whining now. I repeat, the grown man is whining. He looked at me then back to the camera men.

"I know about Kade." He blurted out.

"What?! What are you talking about?" I hissed.

"You're in with love him." He said, a greedy little smile on his ugly face.

"I am not! There's nothing between us." I insisted.

"Isn't there?" He asked, pulling out his phone. A picture of Kade and I embracing flashed onto the screen. I just stood there with my arms crossed. I seriously couldn't believe this.

"You're a monster. An ugly, weird, soap opera, rom-com, Prada bag carrying, monster." I muttered.

"I didn't wanna have to go there, but you left me no choice." He said putting his hands up innocently. I grabbed at the phone, but he quickly held it above his head and out of my reach.

"Not unless you do the episode." He said, wagging a finger at me.

"You're wasting my time." I said through clenched teeth.

"You don't think I'm a busy man as well? I've got appointments that I'm missing as we speak." He said, planting a hand on his hip.

"Fine, but under one condition. No more hands on hips, clapping of hands, flipping of hair, wagging of finger, squeals, shrieks, salutes, or jumping up and down." I said. Marcos sighed.

"I do believe that's more than one condition." He muttered. I rolled my eyes and followed him back into the room.

"I'll do it." I announced as I entered.

"You will?" Kelly asked in disbelief.

"She will." Marcos echoed. Instantly, the cameramen were up in my face. I sighed and tried to make the best of it. I sort of felt like I might be sick though. My hair was a tangled mess, my makeup lazily done, and my baggy clothing stood out like a sore thumb in this fancy up-scale place.

"LET'S GET STARTED!" Marcos cried, as he pulled dresses of the rack.

The first Marcos pulled was a frilly pink halter top dress with rhinestones and bow on the stomach area. I could already tell this was going to be a nightmare. I changed into it and walked onto the catwalk that was set up out of my dressing room.

"I like it." Kelly said.

"I think it makes you look like a sparkle sensation." Marcos said.

"I think it looks like a unicorn threw up on me." I stated.

"NEXT!" Kelly and Marcos cried. The next one was a long sleeved turquoise dress that was cut to the knees in the front and long in the back. I strut playfully down the catwalk.

"I like the color." Kelly stated.

"I don't know... it just doesn't scream Sam." Marcos said.

"You're right... next!" Kelly cried. Next was a sparkly, short black strapless dress that was frilly at the bottom. Maybe this wasn't so bad. I actually felt...kind of pretty. I walked onto the catwalk.

"We're getting there..." Kelly said.

"I'm just not quite feeling it." Marcos stated. This process continued until we found a long red dress with small embroidery going across the waist. The sleeves were slim and embroidered as well. I walked out, both Kelly and Marcos gasped.

"Oh my gosh." Kelly muttered.

"I think I'm gonna cry." Marcos said, dabbing his eyes.

"No, no, noooo! No crying or you'll loose your non-existant manhood." I said. He even laughed softly at my unnecessary comment.

"You look so beautiful, Sam." Kelly said, walking beside me. I peered in the mirror. I didn't even really look like me in this dress. My face even looked different. There was a light in it. I looked and felt confident.

"I think I've found it... I've found the dress." I said, touching my reflection. Tears shimmered in Kelly's eyes. She fanned her face to keep her makeup from running. I did a little twirl in my dress.

"So...how does it feel?" Marcos asked, hoping behind me and peering at my reflection over my shoulder.

"Perfect. I feel...beautiful." I said. The room erupted into applause. Even the cameramen that I had treated so poorly earlier. The minute I saw my reflection, I knew that this entire day had been completely worth it. The name-calling, the screaming, the drama, and the overall uncomfortableness of the situation was well worth it now.

I smiled at the confident, striking girl I saw in the mirror. Shopping wasn't so bad really. To be honest, I think the only reason I disliked it so much was because when you shop the focus is entirely on you. You're picking out clothing specifically for the indulgent of yourself and indulging in myself wasn't a habit I had acquired. Besides, I gave up trying to look perfect a really long time ago.

"Now, come with me, darling. We have to do a short interview for a segment in the show." Marcos said, leading me into a small closed in room. I looked at him suspiciously.

"Oh, don't you worry your pretty little head. It'll be fast, I promise." He assured. I obeyed hesitantly and followed. Practically, the second I sat down a light switched on and questioned were rapidly fired at me. One of the questions was what I was getting this dress for today and why the appointment was made.

"Um, I made the appointment today because I'm going to my very first award show." I said a bit nervously.

"Who's your date?" I should have seen that question coming.

"Hunter Thompson." My voice wasn't as confident as I would have hoped.

"Do you love him?" Oh, what a lovely-blunt question there. Make sure and not hold back at all, just come right out with it. But for some reason the words flew out of my mouth before I really even realized that I was saying them. I was never like this. I never opened up, but for some reason my heart was saying it was time to tell the world my store when my mind was screaming otherwise.

"To be honest, I'm really undeserving of the love I've been given not only by Hunter, but by everyone on the "All4U team." I started. Shut up, shut up, shut up! I tried to tell myself to stop, but I couldn't. The words continued to roll off my lips.

"I've had so many issues for so long now. When I auditioned to be in this band, I couldn't accept the fact that they actually liked me. Because...that was a first. I don't know how to deal with someone liking me since all I've ever been is pushed away. When someone loves me, it won't even register because it makes me question why they'd do that when I've been rejected and burned so many times." I stopped for a breathe. I tried to bite my tongue, but I just couldn't.

"Every girl dreams about this fairytale romance, but I've never wanted that. I realized that only the pretty, perfect girls get the happy ever after ending and it was made clear pretty early on in my life that I wasn't one of them. I don't want happy ever after anyway. I've just wanted to make it through life. Yes, I'm extremely hard to handle, obnoxious, rude, and selfish. But then when someone loves me through that I'm like...why? Why would you stay with me when I'm so used to people leaving? It scares me when people stay. Hunter has stayed with me when I'm hard to handle and I'm really grateful for that." I had let my feelings out. Now, it was time to tell the world my story.

"A few months ago, I was at school...the kids would always call me these really cruel names and I pretended like it didn't hurt me. I've always pretended to be an emotionless, heartless, jerk, but I swear I have feelings. The kids didn't know that. I remember every time I'd be in the bathroom there would be this group of girls...the minute I came in they'd turn and wait until I left to continue talking. I stayed behind the door one time and realized the topic of conversation was me. I think they wanted me to hear it. It was almost like they planned it because every single day that would happen. Well, eventually it got to be too much. One day, a girl tore me down in front of everybody and I just lost it. I honestly couldn't control myself. I remember hearing their laughs and it was like fire in my ears. I can't even really remember what happened next, but I do remember hitting everyone I saw. I punched everyone I saw. Needless to say, I got kicked out of school. So then I was just kinda of like...now what? I had absolutely no friends and to be honest, not much family to lean on. I'd just play my guitar because it was literally my only friend. I just sat around wondering what in the world I was going to do with my life. I felt like I was in a rut going through the same motions every day. There was nothing special in my life. I think All4U was that one special thing I needed in my life." I said. The whole room was quite now. My story was sent a hush over them all. Finally, someone asked a question. I think it was more to break the horrible silence than out of interest.

"Do you think your experience has made you bitter?" He asked. I paused a moment before answering.

"Well, I've been told that I tend to push people away. It's just...I feel like my life is series of disappointments so taking the chance and being happy just isn't worth it. Friends leave, boyfriends leave, I found out this week that even family leaves so...why take the jump when you know in the end you could fall. If I take the jump I'd better fly, because another fall is just too much to take." I replied. My reply was deeper than I even knew I was capable of being.

"What would you do if you hadn't made the band?"

"Before all this, I had no idea what I was going to do with my life. I'd just sit in my room all alone and wish that something would happen to me. I was just bored of my life. I didn't really like to be alone and cooped up all the time, but I had to kind of get used to it." I said.

"Has Hunter saved your life?" I didn't know how in the world I was going to answer that one. Neither yes or no seemed like an easy answer.

"Yes." The word came from my mouth without me even knowing it had. With that, the camera men all grinned at me and started to take their equipment down.

"Alright, we're all done here." They said, as they packed up their gear.

"Thank-you." I muttered as I swiftly exited the room. I was extremely discomforted by the fact that I had just poured my heart out to complete strangers. Marcos tapped me, destroying my thoughts.

"Sam, dear, if you wanna watch the show it'll be airing Sunday night. You see, we tape every week then release the episodes which is what makes us different from the other shows. They film for a few months then release week by week, but we film _and_ release week by week. We're special." Marcos bragged.

"You sure are." I muttered. It didn't matter anyway. I didn't even really care to look in a mirror much less see myself on television. I wouldn't be catching it, I wouldn't have even done it if Marcos hadn't bribed me with the picture of Kade and I.

Kelly and I paid for the dress and carried it out on it's hanger and proper protection. I looked over at Kelly, she was all smiles.

"I knew you'd like it." Kelly said with a smirk.

"I never said I liked it." I replied stubbornly. Kelly did a long dramatic eye roll.

"Oh, won't you just admit you like being a girl?" She groaned.

"A girl? Mmm, that doesn't sound like me." I said with a shrug. She shook her head at me.

"Samantha Baker, I will turn you into a lady if it's the last thing I do." Kelly stated.

"Well, good luck with that one." I muttered.

"I heard that! And for that we're gonna make your hair and makeup tonight extra girly." She smirked. I let out an annoyed groan, but to be honest I was really looking forward to getting all dolled up tonight. I loved looking _and_ feeling pretty.

"Hunter is going to be so impressed." Kelly stated. I laughed a little at her comment because to be honest, I wasn't seeking to impress him. I was seeking to impress his snooty, pretty celebrity friends. Next, we stopped off at the stylist for some hair care. I sat down and instantly the brush began ripping away at my hair. I winced a little. I'll admit I didn't take very good care of my hair, but I had no idea there was so many tangles. She brushed as if she was starting a chainsaw.

"I' sure glad you came to me, sweetheart. I don't think your poor hair could have taken much more of this kinda treatment." I smiled at her thick southern accent. I liked it. I could listen to her talk for ages even if she was chewing me out about my hair.

"So, doll lemme see the dress." The stylist said. I walked over to the other side of the room and unzipped it from it's plastic bag. Her hands fluttered to her mouth.

"It's beautiful! I've got the perfect hairstyle for that dress. Have a seat, sweetie." She said as she whipped out her curling iron.

"So when's this little award show?" She asked, just making conversation.

"Four hours." I replied. She gasped loudly and it made me flinch seeing as she was holding the curling iron awfully close to my face.

"I'm not gonna be able to do my masterpiece in four hours, darlin' ya know beauty takes time." She sounded almost insulted.

"Well, you're going to have to try because we still have makeup to do as well." Kelly stated. She looked at Kelly and I as if we had lobsters coming from our ears. She actually looked as if she might faint.

"We'll never make it." She muttered.

"We're going to have to." I stated. She flashed me an angry look.

Then, she began working once again on her little "masterpiece." I sat there quietly not even quite sure what she was doing. She had this little string or roses and thousands of bobby pins. She was braiding my hair and pinning it in ever spot imaginable. There was also a lot of hairspray involved and I knew that I'd probably toxicate the whole room when I entered because the stench of hairspray was so strong. Most of the work seemed to be going on toward the back of my head and Kelly would occasionally look up from her phone and give a satisfied smile so I assumed that it was looking good. After about an two and a half hours she declared she was done.

"It's the quickest job I've ever done, but...would you like to she?" She asked. I nodded eagerly. She held a mirror in front of me and I was able to peer at the back of my head. It was beautiful. She had curled my hair then braided it, making the braid extremely thick and wavy. The braid started at the roof of my hair then wrapped around making a crown effect. After that, she had weaved a string of red roses throughout it that matched the color of my dress perfectly. Some of the tight spiral curls had not been put in the braid and went in a perfect line on either side of the braid, lining it perfectly. I gasped a little. She had made such a fuss, but I get why now. Things like this diffidently took some time.

"Oh, it's so beautiful... thank-you so much." I said. I couldn't stop staring at it. For once, I actually wished I was someone else so I could look at myself. It was a prideful thought, but to be honest, I was proud of my pride. I had never had the confidence to be prideful and even though it was wrong it felt good. It felt good to be proud. I gave her a hug, thanked her several more times, then told her for the millionth time what a beautiful job she had done. Kelly grinned over at me.

"Still hating the girl thing?" She questioned. I shrugged. I wasn't about to admit to her that I was having the absolute time of my life. I liked being pampered. For once in my life, I liked the focus just being on me. For once in my life, I was proud to be doing something useful with my life and not sitting in my room alone all the time. Our makeup artist, Anna greeted me with a big hug and compliments on how beautiful I looked once we entered. I returned the hug and blushed at the compliments.

"Alright, take a seat. I think we're gonna go for a pretty bold look because that is one bold dress and some sophisticated hair so... bold and sophisticated. That's the kind of look we're striving for, okay?" Anna said, as he pulled his pallet out.

"Bold?" I echoed. That word made me nervous.

"Don't worry, we're not going for something to dramatic. Just relax, and don't be nervous. This night is about you, right?" Anna asked. I nodded and smiled. He was right. This night was about me for once. This was my moment. Anna instructed me to close my eyes and I felt a him brush again and again across my eyes. Then, I was instructed to park my lips and I felt a dark, glossy color being layered on. Then, foundation was lathered on in a pretty deep coat. I was told to smile and blush was applied then a dark black eyeliner went on my top and bottom lids. My lips were lined with a soft pink color then a powder was put on my face to tone down the dark foundation a little. A brush was used to apply my foundation instead of a sponge to give that "flawless look." False lashes were applied then coated with a little mascara to make them appear even longer and fuller. A little mascara was applied very precisely to my bottom lashes. Apparently I had the "cat and smokey" eye effect going on. But the "smokey eye wasn't too far out of the eyelid and the cat eye wasn't too dramatic." Believe me, if I knew what that meant I'd explain it further, but he might as well have been speaking Japanese.

"Are you ready for me to reveal my worth?" She asked.

"Ready as I'll ever be." I said. She spun me around and my breathe caught in my throat. I didn't even look like me. My face was completely different. This weird feeling I can't describe washed over me. I felt so happy and joyous... complete unlike myself. When I looked pretty I felt pretty. I wasn't afraid to make eye contact with anyone and I wanted to take dozens of selfies when I'd usually shy away from a camera. I felt like I could face the world. My lipstick was the same shade as my dress, my "smokey eye" or whatever was a soft gray color, and my lashes were so long and full. I blinked a few times in the mirror. I did a little twirl and peered at myself again.

"You look gorgeous. Oh, but please don't cry. You'll mess up my work." Anna said.

"Don't worry, crying will be the absolute last thing on the agenda today." I said, staring at my face again. Tonight... I felt so wonderful. I can't make up a word or phrase for this feeling, but it was just wonderful.

"Well, are you ready to go?" Kelly asked. I nodded.

"Thank-you so much, Anna." I said. I meant it too. She had given me more than a makeover today. She gave me confidence too. I looked in the mirror one last time before going out the door. I just still couldn't believe that confident, young lady was me.

"What do you feel about the girl thing now?" Kelly asked. I smiled to myself.

"I think I love it." I said, looking in the rear-view mirror at myself again.

"Look at you! You simply can't take your eyes off yourself. Just imagine what Hunter is gonna think." Kelly said, giving me a playful nudge. I grinned a little to myself. What was he gonna think? This didn't look like me at all. Maybe he'd want me to fix up like this more often. Maybe he'd never see me the same way when I'm not all dressed up. I tried not to think about all those things. This night was about me anyway.

We finally arrived back at the hotel where everyone was staying. It was dark by the time we got there and we had about an hour and a half before we had to be there. It was a pretty far way so we decided to head out now. Hunter and the boys all came out in their suits, ties, blazers, and nice black slacks. Hunter had on a black blazer with a matching black bow tie, a white collared shirt, black buffed, shiny shoes and his hair in it's usual nice waves laying at the side of his face. He looks so handsome.

He whistled softly when Kelly and I entered. I thought about whistling myself. He looked really, really good in that outfit. I kind of wished he'd dress up a little more often. But he was the kind of boy that literally never took a bad picture and looked good in everything so it didn't really matter. He was voted Hottest Man Alive last year.

"Don't you look handsome." I said softly.

"You look... so beautiful, baby. I'm glad I'm taking such a pretty girl to this award show. I wouldn't have it any other way. Gosh...you're just...wow." He said, pulling me a little closer.

"No, noooo! No kissing. I just got my lipstick perfect." I said, pursing my red lips.

"Aww, but-" He protested.

"Noooo, it took like two hours." I said.

"Oh, fine." He pouted. He put his arm around my shoulder instead.

"Are you excited?" He whispered. I shrugged.

"Yes, but no at the same time. I'm sort of scared." I admitted. He gave my arm a squeeze. I heard the sound of a camera go off on someone's phone behind us, but I didn't turn around. I really hoped someone wasn't taken our picture though. I looked back. It was Logan. He was the one that had taken the picture. He gave me a smile and a slight thumbs up when I turned back. I just shook my head at him. I didn't really know why he wanted us together so much. It was truly a mystery to me.

"Don't be scared. Tonight it gonna be great and I honestly can't think of one person that I would rather be with, but you." He giving me a quick hug. Another picture snapped. Seriously, Logan?

"Oh, our limo is here!" Josh cried.

"Alright, this is gonna be so fun! I've watched this award show since I was a little kid." Corey said eagerly. I followed the boys into the limo. I hadn't ever been in one of these before. I felt like a genuine celebrity. I sort of hoped that we wouldn't have such a grand entrance. I would have been perfectly fine with a pick-up truck arrival or even my mom's mini van. This was a little over the top. I was here tonight in the perfect dress with the perfect boy, and now the perfect car as well. I wished someone would pinch me. I peered at my phone. Logan had tagged me in one of his post. There was a picture of Hunter with his arm wrapped around me. The caption was "Headed to the show with the lovebirds. Gonna have to deal with the PDA the entire show." I rolled my eyes. He had millions of followers and now they all got to see my "wonderful" face. Yippee. On top of that, pictures like this is what started the unbelievable hate. I had stopped checking my twitter a long time ago because of the violent attacks on that site in particular. I now checked on a completely different secret account. But I knew it wouldn't be too long before the fans found that one as well. These guys were nuts.

Okay, not nuts...passionate. I found a weird site with all these creepy facts about them. It had things like their head sizes, bicep sizes, and even phone passwords. It was scary. You couldn't keep anything from these guys. If they wanted to know then they'd find out. I had a few comments made on my private account, but not many. Still, a few fans had already fount it. Maybe this wasn't such a good idea.

""We're here!" Josh cried happily.

"Oh, I can't wait." Corey said eagerly.

"I'm excited too, but man do I have to use the toilet." Hunter said.

"Typical Hunter." Logan said with a roll of the eyes. Slowly, the car came to a halt. Logan stepped out first, then Corey, then Josh. Hunter looked back at me.

"Are you ready for this?" He whispered. I could barely hear him over the loud screams of the fans and the paparazzi. I nodded and he took my hand and lead me out. Instantly, screams erupted everywhere when we stepped out. Screams from the paparazzi, the fans, and I do believe a few whistles from the celebrities in the car as well. Cameras flashes in every direction, practically lighting the night. I could hardly see. Hunter offered his arm to me and I gladly linked arms with him. This was scary.

"Babe, I'll be right back. I gotta run to the lou. Stay with the boys while I'm gone." He whispered in my ear. I nodded and he trotted off. I followed him and waited outside the bathroom so I'd be out of the lights for a little while. Logan slid closely next to me.

"He's really happy you know." Logan said.

"Logan, I don't get why you're pushing our relationship so much. What's it to you, anyway?" I knew I was being rude, but he was really getting on my nerves lately.

"Because I saw the things that you didn't see, Sam." Logan replied a little harshly. I raised a brow.

"What do you mean?" I asked.

"You've heard of his last girlfriend Bailey, right?" Logan questioned. I nodded.

"Well, I walked into the bathroom one day and saw him on the floor sobbing. He was crying because she had broken his heart so badly. It took him so long to love again and I think that's why he went and did whatever he wanted. He just tried to take the pain away some how. I haven't seen him so happy in so long, Sam. You're just really something special for him to love you like he does." Logan stated.

"I thought he went out with other girls after Bailey." I said.

"Yeah, we tried to set him up. He was never happy or satisfied with anything. He was sure a girl would just fall out of the sky and...you kind of did. He told me that night when he picked you that the way you played spoke to him and that he felt something when he looked at you that he hadn't felt in a long time." Logan said solemnly.

I looked steadily at Logan. I wasn't even quite sure how to respond to that. It scared me a little that someone loved me so much. I didn't usually have that affect on people. Usually, I actually stirred up quite the opposite reaction. This feeling of being loved was so new and unfamiliar and I hated it to be honest. I liked be numb and emotionless much better. I didn't like...feeling.

"My point is, Sam... I hear the way he talks about you. I see him staring at you when you're not looking and how he gives his undivided attention when you speak. Just...don't blow it. The boy can't go through another heartbreak again." Logan said. I nodded slowly. Just then, Hunter came out. Logan gave me a knowing look, clapped me on the shoulder, then jogged off to the other boys. I stared after him.

"What was that all about?" Hunter asked.

"Oh, nothing." I said, dismissively. Hunter shrugged then grabbed my hand.

"Are you ready?" He asked, swinging our hands back and fourth. I watched as the paparazzi screamed at all the other celebrities.

"Look over here! Smile! Can you smile for us? Please, smile! Come on." They all screamed obnoxiously over each other. It was as if the place was a shouting match or some sort of auction.

"Okay, I changed my mind." I said, turning in the opposite direction.

"Sam, you can't turn back now." Hunter whined.

"Too late, turning back now." I said, getting ready to make a run for it. Hunter grabbed my arm and pulled me back.

"I'm not going. They're scary." I stated firmly. Hunter sighed.

"I didn't wanna have to do this." He muttered. With that, he scooped me right up into his arms and carried me in front of the backdrop. The camera men laughed a little at his strange behavior. I squirmed in his arms. Blinding lights were flashing in every direction and I could barely see. When I closed my eyes I saw spots.

"If I set you down, are you going to run?" Hunter asked. I sighed and shook my head reluctantly. He smiled at me and set me back on the floor. The men were all screaming my name and Hunter's as well. Commands were shouted from every direction and I couldn't heart a word any of them were saying. I felt Hunter's mouth come to my ear.

"Don't be scary, babe. I'm here and they won't hurt you." He whispered softly in my ear. I smiled a little. His breathe tickled. I felt him rub my back soothingly.

"Pretend it's just you and me right now. The cameras aren't even here. Just you and I." Hunter said, turning my face to look at him. He tucked a fly away curl back into it's proper place. He kissed my head gently.

"Oh, come on! How about a real kiss?" One of the paparazzi shouted.

I laughed and blushed a little. Hunter looked at me with a shy little grin. I kind of hoped he wouldn't do it, because.

"No, it's okay. The fans don't appreciate that kind of thing and to be honest, I really don't either. It's embarrassing, unnecessary, and I don't particularly like to be touched anyway-" I began.

"Oh, shut up and kiss me." Hunter said with a smirk. He cupped both sides of my face and kissed my lips. We posed for a few more pictures then he took my hand and helped me off the platform where the backdrop was. He grinned at me once I had hopped down.

"What?" I said.

"You did great and looked beautiful too. I bet you'll make the cover for sure." He said.

"No, no, no, Hunter. I don't _want_ to make the cover. I'm perfectly happy being invisible." I said.

"Well, your invisible days are over now." Hunter said. I couldn't tell if that was a good or bad thing. Just then, Hunter's body completely stiffened. His face went as white as a sheet.

"Hey, what's wrong?" I asked. He looked down quickly.

"Nothing, let's head inside. We need to catch up with the boys, anyway." He said, swiftly pulling me away. I had no idea what was going on.

"Hey, mate! We've been waiting on you-" Logan began. Logan's eyes went wide as he looked behind Hunter.

"Alright then, boys! Let's head inside." He said, trying to push us quickly inside. I had no idea what was going on. But the boys were kind of weird anyway so I decided to just go with it and not ask any questions. We stood at the door waiting to be seated.

I looked at handsome young Hunter. I wanted to hug him really badly, but kept from doing so. There was too many witnesses. Before I could think of it again, he wrapped his arms around me and pulled me close. His arms were so nice and strong. I could feel him flexing his biceps a bit.

"You showing off?" I asked.

"Just for you." He said, rolling his sleeve up. I rolled my eyes. He kept an arm around my shoulder as we were seated. I sat down and scanned the room. There were celebrities literally every direction I looked. Big celebrities. Gosh, this is so intimidating. I looked across the room and saw my favorite actress. I had watched every single one of her movies. I nearly screamed.

"Hunter, Hunter, Huuunter! Ohhhhh myyy gosh!" I squealed.

"What is it?" Hunter asked.

"Th-that's only the best actress in the entire universe...standing in front of me." I nearly screamed. I couldn't believe I was in the same room as Lilian Scott. I won't lie. I looked up to a lot of people in Hollywood, mostly because I just needed something to look up to. But that one day, in the church changed that. I've found Someone Else to look up to and... He's a lot better than those Hollywood idols.

"Oh, yeah I know her." Hunter said dismissively.

"What? You...know her? How? Why? When? You didn't date her did you?" I interviewed.

"Yes, movie premiere and keep in touch on twitter, because she's nice, a year ago, and absolutely not." Hunter said.

"She's so...ah! I don't know. She's just...perfect." I said, propping my face with my hands and staring creepily at her.

"Come on, let me introduce you." Hunter said. I gasped.

"No. No, I'm not worthy." I said. Hunter laughed.

"Oh, come on! Now isn't the time to be shy." Hunter said, tugging at my arm.

"No, I'd rather admire her from afar." I said. Hunter started dragging me closer and closer. I tried my best to wiggle out of his grip. I was thrashing this way and that. He pushed me a little and I stumbled into her.

"Oh, hey sorry. Um, I didn't mean to bump into you. I just-" I stammered.

"Oh my gosh. I love your dress! Where did you get it?" Lilian asked.

"Oh, uh...um, from this place. Uh, the guy's name was Marcos." I fumbled.

"No way, shut up! I love Marcos. I go there like all the time." Lilian said.

"Really? Yeah, uh he's erm um a handful." I stuttered.

"Oh, I know. But it is _totally_ worth it in the end. He's a great guy." She said.

"Sure." I muttered.

"Not to mention your hair is to die for. I just hate you right now." Lilian gushed.

"Wait, what? You do? Why?" I asked. Lilian laughed her high pitched cute laugh. It rang like a bell in the loud room. I'd actually heard that laugh millions of times before in various interviews...not that I spent all day on YouTube looking up her interviews.

"Oh my gosh, you're too cute. It's an expression. You're hilarious." Lilian said.

"Oh, I knew that. I love all your movies." I stated.

"I wish we had a stylists like the one you use in my movies. Your hair is just so cute, I can't get over it." She said, tightly touching my braid.

"It has rose petals too? You're seriously the luckiest girl alive." Leslie said.

"Not as lucky as you. I'd die for your acting skills." I said, returning the compliment.

"Oh, you're too sweet. What do you do?" Leslie asked.

"I'm a musician." I replied.

"No way...your All4U's band, aren't you? I knew I recognized you from somewhere. You're the one who's lucky. You're dating Hunter, right?" She practically squealed. I nodded and blushed.

"He's a hottie. Hold onto him. I saw a magazine the other day saying he got voted Hottest Man Alive again." She warned.

"I'll be careful." I assured. I meant that too. The thought of me being with the hottest guy alive was a horrifying thought. If I dwelt on it too long, I'd end up running right out of this hotel and screaming down the road.

"Well, hey here's my number in case you ever wanna hang out." She said scribbling on a piece of paper. Oh my gosh... Oh. My. Gosh. She's about to give me her number, I'm about to pass out.

"Oh, thanks. I don't call many people... I'm awkward." I blurted out. WHY WOULD I SAY THAT?!

"Don't go spreading' it around, but I'm extremely awkward myself. One time, I started asking some random guy if he wanted to see pictures of my dog. If that wasn't weird enough, I remembered that I don't even have a dog." Leslie said with a laugh. Ooooh, I loved her laugh.

"One time, I laughed really hard and spit milk all over the really good looking guys in my class." I said, trying to top her story. She burst into a fit of laughter. I'd never really made someone laugh like this... and I loved it.

"You're hysterical! We've gotta hang soon, okay? We can be awkies together. You'll probably have me laughing the night away." Leslie said.

"Oh, so it's a sleepover now?" I said.

"You know it!" She said with a wink.

"Okay, well bye." I said, internally squealing.

"Byeee! See you, beautiful!" She said, twiddling her fingers at me. Once she turned, I squealed like a hog at feeding time. I began skipping backed to my seat when I saw the hottest guy in Hollywood passing my by. It was Kenny Ortago, only the best looking actor in Hollywood. Now was my chance. I turned quickly toward him before he was gone.

"Hey, Kenny! I love your movies." I blurted out.

"Oh, thank-you so much. What's your name?" He asked.

"My name is Sam and I'm a big fan." I gushed.

"It's nice to know such a beautiful girl is a fan of my movies." He said. I blushed. It was weird being called pretty or beautiful by celebrities. I got treated so much more different when I was dressed like a superstar. I liked it and I felt so wonderful about myself.

"Oh, thanks. I don't get how you cry on command like you. Do you think of hurt puppies or something?" I asked. He laughed hardily.

"No, no, just a lot of practice." He said with a grin.

"Well, it's amazing." I stated.

"Thank-you so much. I really hope we meet again some time soon. You'll be at more events, right?" He asked. I nodded and grinned.

"It was so greet seeing you." He said, giving me a hug. I just about died right then and there. Kenny Ortago just hugged me. Like... he hugged me. He touched me. Just then, Lilian popped up and gave Kenny a small hug. They started small-talking and as I turned to go, Lilian piped up.

"This is my new friend Sam. Do you know her, Ken?" Lilian asked.

"Oh, yeah we just met. She's very nice." Kenny said. I grinned like a chessire cat.

"She's hilarious! Sam, tell him one of your stories." Lilian urged. I fidgeted uncomfortably.

"I don't think he wants to hear any of my lame stories." I said quickly. Lilian rolled her beautiful eyes dramatically.

"Oh, come on! Pleease!" Lilian begged.

"Okay." I said reluctantly. Lilian clapped and cheered. I started telling the story of how I once stole and vandalized a wheelchair we found in the school. Before I knew it, I had a swarm of people around me listening intently and laughing as I told my story. That story led into another about when I farted during the Pledge of Allegiance which had everyone rolling with laughter. Lilian laughed so hard that she cried which didn't make her stylist very happy.

"Oh my gosh, you're so funny." Someone said.

"Yeah, you should totally hang out with us." Another said. I just grinned as they gushed over how amazing I was. This was the best night ever.

"Well, the show is starting so I'd better get to my seat." Lilian said. The others all agreed.

"But we're gonna catch up with you later, okay? Wait up for us." Kenny said. I grinned and nodded at Kenny. He gave me another quick hug and an air-kiss on the cheek. Apparently, that was the celebrity thing so do, but I didn't know that so I didn't return the gesture. After I received a round of compliments, hugs, and air-kisses, I skipped off happily to my seat with a grin that spread from one ear to the other. I flopped in my seat and started spazzing and talking a mile a minute.

"So I assume it went well?" Hunter said with a laugh.

"I'm in love." I said grinning from ear to ear.

"Woah, now don't make me jealous." Hunter said. I just laughed.

"She gave me her number and Kenny Ortago hugged me and said I was beautiful and they asked me to hang out later, Lilian said we should have a sleepover, and Kenny told me to wait up for him and I just-ahhh I'm so excited right now!" I squealed bouncing up and down.

"Wait, what? Now I'm seriously jealous. You're not cheating on me all of them, are you?" Hunter asked, nudging me playfully.

"Sorry, Hunter...I've been meaning to tell you." I said with a laugh. He rolled his eyes and laughed too.

"You're emotionally unstable." Hunter said, putting his hands on my shoulders.

"Gosh, I'm so happy!" I practically shouted as I clapped my hands.

"I can see that." Hunter said, as I squirmed and twitched in my seat. To onlookers, it probably looked like I was having a heart attack, the way I was jolting and thrusting myself about. They probably thought I belonged in an asylum. Who cares?

To the looney tune house it is. For once in my life, I just didn't care.

"I saw them surrounding you. They acted like you were the President or something. I knew you fit in. I'm just so proud of you right now." Hunter said, grinning at me.

"Nothing could bring me down!" I stated with a huge smile. Then, I laid eyes on her. My whole body stiffened and I froze. I saw the world move in slow motion as she spritzed her perfume on and tossed her hair. My entire night was ruined right then and there.

"Hunter... I recognize her from the interview I saw. Th-that's Bailey." I hissed.

"That's what the boys and I have been trying to keep from you all night." Hunter whispered back.

"Boy, I'd like to show that jerk a thing or two." I muttered. He took my hands which were balled into fists. He pried them open and slipped his through mine. I jerked away.

"Oh my gosh, look at her. She's drooling all over you." I mumbled angrily. Hunter shook his head.

"Would you like to take a picture, babe? Maybe it would last longer." I muttered. She was still eying Hunter. When he meet her gaze, she gave him a flirty wave. I gripped both sides of my chair and tried my best to keep my mouth shut. She couldn't just trample his heart, throw it in the dirt, spit on it, and then expect him to just come crawling back to her. That's not how real life worked. But I forgot that this was Hollywood...and everything is different here.

"What did you do to her to get her to look at you like that?" I said under my breathe.

"Sam, you know I love you." He said. He puckered his lips out, asking for a kiss. I hesitantly leaned in and pecked them quickly. But instead of looking into Hunter's gorgeous eyes which were a jade green color tonight, I locked my gaze back on my biggest competition. I watched her every move. She slathered lip gloss on her already slimy looking lips.

"She's looking at you like you're a freshly baked batch of cookies." I said bitterly. Hunter pushed me into his seat and got in the one that I was currently in so that my back was to her. He wrapped his arms around me in one his signature snuggles. He was the best hugger in the band. He was known for his warm cuddles. He nuzzled into my neck. Which gave me the shivers. I felt him softly kiss my jaw. I was ready to pull away, but his strong arms didn't retreat. He rubbed my back soothingly.

"Why are you jealous?" He whispered in my ear. I pulled away and looked at him. His arms remained on my shoulders.

"I never said I was jealous." I said defensively. He shot me a "get real" look.

"Okay, okay. Fine, I'm sorry. I trust you." I said.

" _Thank-you!_ " He practically hollered. I smiled at him and the show started up.

"How's everybody doing tonight?" The host asked. The crowd cheered loudly. I let out a few loud whoops myself. I was so excited to be here tonight.

"Well, we've got a great time for you tonight. Debuting her first new single tonight, we've got Bailey Andrews performing." He said. Cheers erupted all over. Hunter clapped politely. I threw up in my mouth a little.

"Booo!" I said under my breathe. Hunter heard me and nudged me. I just gave him an innocent smile. He couldn't resist my smile. He just smiled back and shook his head. I looked back. Her seat was now empty. That meant she was backstage getting ready and her performance was near. Oh, boy.

The boys were nominated for "Best New Breakout Artist" tonight. I knew that they were shoe in. The night, was filled with puns, jabs, and beautiful music. It finally became time to announce Best New Breakout Artist. I knew the boys wanted this. I looked over at all their eager faces. As Hunter's hand rest on my knee, I looked down and saw his fingers crossed. The rest of the boys actually looked jealous of us. Their girlfriends couldn't make it so I was the only supporting girlfriend as of now.

"And the winner is... ALL4U!" The announcer cried. The boys all jumped a foot in the air. They drew each other into a huge group hug. I clapped for them and grinned up at their smiling faces. They looked so happy. Hunter drew my face to his. Oh gosh. No. Don't. Not on TV. He kissed my lips as the camera zoomed closer in on him specifically. I prayed the boys blocked the shot because that kiss would mean a whole lot of hate from the media. I think I managed to mutter a congratulations, but I don't really remember. I was especially angry because his annoying ex wasn't here to see it either. She was probably piling makeup on her already caked face. Just the thought of her made me cringe. But tonight, was about the boys...not her.

They all jogged up to the stage and received their awards. The crowd was roaring with cheers and applause. The place was practically shaking because of the overwhelming noise. Everyone in the room rose to their feet and gave the boys a standing ovation. They stood there blushing and receiving the praise modestly. I rose to my feet as well and clapped. They deserved this. There was just something wonderful about them...they had a sort of undeniable charm that nobody else seemed to posses.

"Thank-you so much for this. We honestly, never expected this." Josh said. Corey took the mic next.

"I would like to thank me mum and dad for everythin' they've done for me. I wouldn't be in the music industry without them and just me entire family. I love you all." Corey said, as he began passing the mic to Logan.

"I would like to thank everyone on the All4U team and our amazing fans." Logan said. The crowd erupted into applause at the mention of their extremely wide fan base.

"We couldn't do what we do without you and you're amazing so thank-you." Logan continued.

"Yeah, I wanna thank our security guard for keeping us safe, my mom and dad...I love you guys, and my beautiful girlfriend for supporting me tonight." He said. The crowd burst into cheers at the last one. I blushed like crazy. The camera panned to me to see my reaction. I didn't know quite how to react though. I just sat there blushing, smiling, maybe even a little giggling like a fool. The crowd continued with their cheers as the boys were taken backstage to take a few pictures with their award. I was really proud to be with them tonight. I was proud to be able to say I even knew them. For once... I wasn't jealous of something someone else had that I didn't. I was proud.

"Okay, next up is an actress who had exploded onto the music scene. With her hit single reaching number one on the Billboard chart in over twenty countries is... Bailey Andrews!" The announcer said. I groaned. Okay, okay, we get it...the girl is a big deal. Not only is she this award-winning actress now she's a megastar singer as well? What, no modeling contract? Oh, I forgot...she had that as well.

Bailey rose up from the stage in a pink leotard. The music was loud and boomed in my ears. Her dancers were already shaking like they were having a heart attack, the fog machine gushed like a waterfall, and her glittery makeup hurt my eyes. The boys crept in during the performance and were seated. I grinned at Hunter as he sat beside me.

"We did it, babe." He muttered.

"Good job." I said, offering a high-five. He slapped my hand and looked up at Bailey then to me.

"I didn't know she was playing yet." He muttered. I shrugged. I was going to be completely professional about this. If Hunter could put aside his pain and clap for her as she performed so could I.

We were close to the front so we had a pretty good view of her performance...lucky us. She strut around the stage and when she got to the front she set her eyes on Hunter. She had such fire in her eyes when she looked at him... a blaze I actually think I seemed to lack. When she sang the lyric "We can start again and make it right" I swore she winked at Hunter. Then, she gave him a nod when another romantic lyric was sung. Oh, this girl better get off the stage before I have something to say about it. She gave him a flirty wave _and_ pointed at him right before the song ended. I sat there with my jaw clenched tight. I glanced at Hunter so see his current expression. He looked uncomfortable and a little confused as well. I couldn't decide if that was good or bad. She blew a kiss in his direction right before she was lowered down. His eyes were wide and he looked like he had seen a ghost.

"Wow, ew." I heard him mutter. I put my hand over my mouth to keep from laughing. He smiled over at me, glad that he could be my amusement.

Besides that little disturbance, the rest of the night went quite smoothly. Before I knew it, the fun time had come to an end and the host was doing his ending monologue. Hunter suggested we leave quickly to beat all the traffic that there would be. We started to sneak out. Oh, and you'll never guess who had the same idea... you guess it! The one and only Bailey Andrews. She saddled up next to Hunter.

"Oh, Hunter! I didn't even see you there. Where have you been?" Bailey said with a laugh. She sounded like the wicked witch of the west when she laughed.

"We've been busy. You know Sam right?" Hunter introduced.

"Of course, that's your new little guitar player right?" Bailey said.

"Yes, she's also my girlfriend." Hunter added. That's right! You tell her, Hunter!

"Ooh, so this is the one on all the magazines. Well, it's nice to finally meet you." Bailey said.

"I wish I could say the same." I muttered. Hunter nudged me and gave me a really dirty look.

"Your performance was great." I said, trying to redeem myself. Bailey gave a laugh which sounded a little more like a snort. Well, that's attractive.

"Thanks, we've worked on it for sooo long." She said. She was string right at Hunter as she talked even though I was the one giving the compliments.

"So how long have you guys been dating?" Bailey pressed. This was getting awkward.

"A few months now. I think it'll be six soon. Right, babe?" Hunter said. I nodded.

"Six months? Wow, so you're about to have your half a year anniversary? Oh, that's too cute!" Bailey cooed. Oh, shut up.

"Yeah, it's been half a year. I can't believe it's been that long." Hunter said with a smile.

Bailey frowned a little at the happy look that was currently on his face. I really wanted to tell that bottle blonde to buzz off, but neither Hunter and I could be rude like that. Even if I wanted to be rude I wouldn't simply for the fact that I could already see a few flashes going off and I knew the paparazzi could catch every sour expression I made toward her. In fact, I could already see the headlines now. "Awkward Reunion" or something like that. This was awkward now that you mention it. I don't know how much more of this I can take.

"Um, I need to use the restroom." I said.

"Sure, love, it's right over there." Hunter said, pointing toward it. I went back inside the arena to find the bathroom. Bailey smiled and followed me. What in the world? Her smile disappeared the moment she was out of the camera's sight. She twirled she around to face. I jumped when she touched me as if I had felt something slimy... well, I kind of had. She put a hand on my shoulder. I slapped it off quickly. A sharp sound was made when my skin made contact with her. She squealed out loud, grabbed her wrist, and gawked at me. I figured I had probably crossed the line. But I wasn't a big fan of affection and especially not from a little bottle blonde like her. I went in here to get away from her not have a one-on-one, heartfelt talk... or whatever she was doing in here. Why don't you just go outside and have a twerk party with the paparazzi or something?

"You listen here and you listen good. Hunter doesn't love you, okay? You're simply a comeback girlfriend. Now, I know it's sort of embarrassing that he's dating you _this_ long to get back at me, but I've been playing hard to get. He calls me like every night. He's completely obsessed with me. Does he make you feel like you're special? Oh, don't let me guess he called you his princess. Well, I'll have you know Hunter Thompson has had _a lot_ of princesses and he doesn't love you. So stop flattering yourself." Bailey snarled.

"No, how about _you_ listen to _me,_ you spray-tanned bottle blonde. You never loved him and don't you dare pretend for a second that you do or did. You ripped his heart out and laughed as you did it. You destroyed him. I don't know why you stayed with him or what angle you were working at, but I know girls like you. Love isn't real to people like you and everything is a game. Well, in this game you lost and you need to accept it. I don't know why you pretended for so long that you loved him. Maybe he just stroked your ego, or he was good for your self-esteem, or maybe you were just proud of yourself for having the boy that every girl wanted, but you never loved him. You completely tore him apart...and you don't tear apart someone you love." I said. With that, I turned on my heels and left her with her mouth hanging wide open.

CHAPTER SIXTEEN: I wish it was you

I woke up the next morning to the beautiful sounds of Texas. We had flown overnight to Texas. I was asleep when we had arrived to the hotel. I didn't even really remember how I had gotten to my room. I assumed, they convinced me to get up and shuffle to my proper place. I was super excited for the show tonight. I decided it was time to pick up some pre-show snacks. I got dressed and went down to the lobby. Connie was sitting there sipping on a steamy cup of coffee.

"Good morning." She greeted as I slid into the booth with her.

"Good morning, Connie. Hey, do you know where a nearby grocery store might be?" I asked. Connie nodded.

"There's one a few blocks from here." She stated.

"Do you think I could walk?" I asked.

"Of course, do you want me to write down some directions?" She questioned. I nodded. She scribbled vigorously on a napkin and then passed it to me. I grabbed the napkin up and headed out the door.

"Thanks, Connie!" I cried as I jogged out. It was farther than I'd thought, but I could use the exercise anyway. I drank in the beautiful sight of Texas as I jogged down the quiet road. It was early in the morning and hardly even the sun was up. There were birds chirping softly in the trees and the morning air was cool. It was an enjoyable and refreshing walk. I reached the grocery store and headed straight for the frozen food aisle. I was gonna need some ice cream to get through this show. By the end of my shopping trip, my cart piled so high with snacks I could barely push it. I put my back into it and tried to push it to the check out line. As I waited in line, I looked over at the magazines hanging on the rack. My eyes nearly popped out of my head at what I saw.

" **Hollywood's 'It couple' at the awards last night"** was the title. I ripped the magazine off the rack with wide eyes. It was a picture of the two of us kissing on the red carpet. I flipped to the proper page and saw a whole article written on us. There was a huge, blown up picture of him holding me bridal style in his arms. There were smaller pictures of him kissing my head, both of us embracing, him whispering my ear, and us smiling at each other. I couldn't believe it. We were the "It Couple"?

Hunter Thompson made his first public appearance with girlfriend of six months, Samantha Baker. The couple packed on the PDA with many hugs and kisses to go around and even had an awkward run-in with Hunter's newest ex- actress/singer Bailey Andrews. (Picture on left) The band won "Best New Breakout Artist" where Hunter thanked his girlfriend for being there. "I would like to thank my beautiful girlfriend for supporting me tonight." He said. The camera then pleased to a very please Sam Baker. Well, we have our fingers crossed for the new, happy couple.

I looked at the picture of Bailey, Hunter, and I. The caption "Awkward Reunion" was above the photo. Called it! I flipped to the next page. I gasped and dropped my magazine. The clerk looked over at me.

"Miss, are you going to check out, or what?" He asked, impatiently.

"Oh, hold on!" I said, waving him off. The people behind skipped ahead of me in line, but I didn't care. I saw a huge picture of myself blown up. "A new America's sweetheart?" There was a smaller picture of Lilian and I. Lilian had her head thrown back in laughter at something I said.

" _Making friends quickly with superstars."_ Was the caption above the above picture.

Then there was a picture of Kenny and I hugging. _"Rubbing elbows with Kenny Ortago"_ There was a picture of Logan and I as he was lecturing me about how to treat Hunter right.

" _Deep discussion with fellow band member, Logan."_ Man, they really did get my every move on camera. There was a photo of a group of girls waiting for All4U and then a boy in the middle holding a sign reading "Sam, be mine." The caption was _"The men love her."_

Then, there was a picture of all the celebrities surround me. They all had their mouths wide open with laughter as I was talking. The caption above the shot was _"And the miss popularity award goes to.."_

Sam Baker, who made her fist public appearance at the award show last night was a huge hit. Onlookers said, she was "radiant and the perfect definition of beauty" that night and had a group of stars surrounding her and giving them her undivided attention most of the night. A source says, "There were dozens of people completely circling here and laughing at every word she said. She was just so glowing and radiant that it was hard not to love her. She has beauty, style, and humor. I mean, what's not to love?" She appeared on an episode of "That's the Dress for Me" last night, and shared her story with the world. She spoke of her past bullying experience, getting kicked out of her last school, and the abandonment of her older brother. First we fell in love with her story, then her style, and now her. Since her episode on the number one television show she's a trending topic on twitter and multiple fan sights have been created revolving around her. Her boyfriend, Hunter Thompson currently reins as "Hollywood's It Man" but does he now have a little competition? Only time will tell...

"Competition? That's ridiculous." I muttered to myself. But I couldn't shake the fact that people...liked me. Did they really "fall in love" with me? Was the magazine just milking it to sell a story? I just couldn't believe this. I dropped my magazine in my cart and stumbled over to the check-out counter in a daze. This was incredible. Was I really "Hollywood's It Girl"? I really didn't deserve this. All I did was show up in a cute dress and stand beside a hot guy.

"Hey, that girl looks a lot like you." The check-out guy said as he pointed at the cover of the magazine.

"Really? I get that a lot." I said absently. He shrugged and continued to check out my things. I just couldn't believe the reaction I had gotten. I hoped Bailey saw this magazine and knew that I wasn't just another girl in Hunter's parade of girlfriends. I had made my mark. I had made an actual impression as opposed to all the other girls that had frolicked in and out of Hunter's life. I looked down at my cell phone and logged into twitter. I checked the trends. The number one trend was #weloveyousam

There were tears in my eyes and I begged them not to slide down my face, but this was literally the nicest thing anyone every could have done.

#samanthabeautifulbaker was the second trend. I went to the bathroom and looked in the mirror for a moment. Beautiful Me? What? The girl I saw in that reflection and the girl that was plastered on the cover of that magazine didn't look like the same person...nor did they feel like it.

I looked at the magazine and then back to my phone. This was just too much to take in. I saw the third largest trend which said #baileywho now if I wasn't grinning like a kid in a candy shop, I was now. I didn't want to be harsh, but I think Bailey should know where her place is now...and it's not next to Hunter. I decided to log into my first account that had received so much hate and thank the fans. I went outside and sat on the bench outside the exiting door of the grocery store.

" _Thank you so much for all the wonderful things said regarding last night. You guys are the best xxx."_ I sent the tweet out and tons of comments instantly appeared.

" _I love you!"_

" _You deserve it!"_

" _If you make Hunter happy, then I'm happy too."_ I just sat and watched as the cars whizzed past me, trying to let everything sink in.

When I was hated before, it hurt me...but, I expected it. I expected to be hated because, hatred and loneliness was all I'd ever really known in my life. But now... now, I was loved? I was called _beautiful?_ That just blew my mind. My phone had been buzzing for the past few minutes as I thought. I looked down at the latest comment. It was from Hunter.

" _A wonderful girl deserves wonderful things said about her xox."_ I smiled at his comment. My eyes drifted from my phone screen to a little park that lay across the street from me. A grin spread on my face at what I saw. But it also left me feeling a bit sick.

I saw a little girl playing with her mother on the playground across the street. A queer feeling stirred inside me a little. You see, I have a little secret. Deep down within me, I have a legit fear of growing older. I think of my life as a ticking time bomb, every second I get closer to my adulthood and ultimately the loss of myself. I don't want to be an adult. I don't want to be mature. I don't want to have to sit down, shut up, and listen to people. Growing up seems like a bit of a trap to me... but it is an unavoidable trap that we are burdened with from the second we are brought into this world. If you avoid this burden that has been cast upon you, your piers that have accepted this fact will look down on you. You will be judged for your denial of this disease that seems to curse every mortal on this earth. I want to be extremely loud, obnoxious, foolish, and immature for as long as I can. I want to make as many mistakes as possible because I fear that my time for foolish decisions will come to an end soon. By the time I am old I will be very wise from all the mistakes I have made in my youth. I want to stay the same. I just... don't want to grow up. I don't want this monster called age that has devoured so many to devour me as well.

As I watched the little girl laugh, I had to hold myself down and use every inch of me to keep from running to her. I wanted to join her in her journey down the slide or across the monkey bars. Just look at her. She was whatever she wanted to be. Right now, she could be a pirate, or a princess, or a fairy. She was able to be whatever she desired and there was no one here to tell her she couldn't She was young, she was free, and left unmarked by life's cruelties.

I liked my selfish, immature, unstable self now. I could honestly say I did. After so much work struggling to love yourself, why do I have to change all of a sudden? I don't desire maturity as most do, but I do desire acceptance. I go over the line often, I mess up every single day of my life, I say stupid things I don't mean frequently, and I never think about my actions nor the consequences. But then I think to myself, isn't that living? Is that not those mistakes the very essence in which we strive in daily? We hurt, we learn, and grow strong from those stupid mistakes. I wouldn't go as far as to say I was proud of my mistakes. They weren't trophies... more like scars. They were scars that I needed, scars that helped me learn. All these dumb things I had done in my life have given me stories to tell to my children, my grandchildren, my friends, and now I even had the opportunity to share those stories on television. Those mistakes had made my life anything, but boring.

I looked away from the girl for a moment. I looked back down at my phone. Oh no! I was late for rehearsals! I started back down the road. I thought I had only been gazing at the girl for a few moments. I had been thinking and watching for half an hour now. I started jogging down the road. I heard my phone ringing faintly over the sound of cars whizzing by. I looked down at it. It was an unknown number.

"Hello?" I answered.

"Hello?" Another echoed over the line.

"Um, who is this?" I asked, my voice shaking a little.

"Sam, I need to see you." The voice said frantically over the other line.

"Who is this?" I repeated.

"Can you meet me at the cafe near the groceries. I already know where you are and everything. Please, I tried so hard to get a hold of you." The voice rambled.

"Who is this?!" I demanded.

"Sam...it's Leslie." The voice said quietly. I didn't say anything. Nothing but dead air filled the line.

"Are you going to say something?" She almost whispered. I sighed.

"Leslie from my school? Like...popular Leslie that I was always jealous of and got all the boys?" I asked.

"Well, yes...and no. You were jealous of me?" Leslie asked.

"Why did you call me?" I interrogated. I know it was stupid to hold old grudges, but even though I was living the dream I still had some harsh feelings for her.

"Sam, I just really need to talk to you." She begged.

"Well, you're talking to me now." I said, coldly.

"It won't take long, I promise. I got in touch with your agent and begged him to give me your number. I read somewhere you were in Dallas and I thought this was my chance to meet you. I assume you're staying in the "Raleigh Hotel" because that's where all the stars stay." She said all this in almost one breathe.

"Well, you assumed correctly." I said.

"Great, can you please come meet me at the cafe in your hotel?" Leslie asked.

"They only let customers stay in the hotel." I said, very matter-of-factly.

"Well, then you can tell them I'm with you." Leslie said. I sighed loudly and dramatically.

"Okay." I said finally. Leslie cheered and squealed over the line.

"Ouch, only if you promise not to do that again." I groaned into the receiver.

"Deal, I'll be there in fifteen minutes." She said.

"Whatever." I muttered before hanging up. What in the world did this girl want to see me for? She never wanted to hang out with me before I was dating "Hollywood's It Boy." I didn't like people who only came around when times were good. Believe me, I had plenty of people like that. Some of the bullies, had tried to message me on twitter saying how sorry they were. They were only sorry because I have lots of money and fame now. If I was still boring, ordinary Sam they wouldn't give me the time of day. I knew I should probably forgive them, but they showed no mercy when I was in school with them so I wouldn't show any now.

I walked over to the hotel and waited in the lobby for Leslie. I saw a girl in tight black clothes ride up in a motorcycle. What a cool chic, I thought to myself. Then, she pulled off her helmet revealing long jet black, colorfully highlighted hair. My hand flew to my mouth. Leslie?! No way, she didn't drive a motorcycle and she certainly didn't wear all black like some goth emo kid. She walked right up to me.

"Sam!" She cried as she gave me a hug.

"Hey." I said absently. I looked her up and down. She had a huge black ring through her nose, dark manicured nails, frizzy hair with blue highlights, extremely dark colored makeup, and biker outfit with spikes and everything.

"The cafe is this way." I said, jerking my head to the right. She smiled and followed after me. We both were seating at a table and I took another good look at her. As I looked more closely, I realized that she had not only blue highlights, but purple, pink, green, orange, and feather woven into her hair. She had rings underneath her eyes and she looked as if she hadn't had sleep in days.

"It's been so long." She said with a smile. She no longer had those pearly whites I coveted.

"What are you doing in Texas? You live in California." I hated to be blunt, but I was in no mood for small talk. Leslie sighed and looked into her steaming cup of coffee that had just been delivered to us.

"It's a long story." She replied. I looked down at my watch.

"Well, I've got time." I said with a shrug. Leslie took a deep breathe before continuing.

"Sam, things have changed since you've been gone..." Leslie said quietly.

"Leslie, don't even be like that. Everyone hated me at that school and you know it." I almost snarled.

"No, Sam... things changed. People started realizing that they didn't have to put up with being shoved around. Kids started to stand up for themselves." She said. I sat back in my chair and listened quietly. She drew in a breathe before continuing.

"Sam, I've lost all my friends-" She began.

"Woah, hold the phone! You lost your friends? You always had a crowd around you. You can't be serious. Leslie, was that motorcycle helmet on too tight? You have everything! You've got all the boys falling at your feet, you get invited to every party, you're gorgeous, you're never alone, and you made more friends just this year than I've made in my entire life." I stated. Leslie shook her head.

"Sure, Sam... I had friends, but no real friends. Do you know how quickly those people turn on you? My "best friend" saw me talking to her boyfriend and before I knew it rumors were flying all around school. I came into school the next morning and everyone was looking at me like I was a criminal." She said, her voice catching a little. I hoped to goodness she wouldn't cry.

"I went to talk to my friends and they instantly turned their backs when they saw me coming. I sat alone at lunch that day. It was the most miserable feeling in the world. When I went outside to my sports car, it was keyed and the tires had been slit. They keyed my car... I couldn't believe it." I could already see teats started to form in her eyes. She inhaled and exhaled deeply, trying to keep calm.

"When I got home my house was toilet papered and egged. They had chalked horrible threats not only to me, but to my parents as well on the sidewalk. My parents were absolutely furious...and scared too. They had never had anything like this happen before. When I got inside my phone was blown up with texts and emails. They were all telling me how ugly, fat, stupid, and disgusting I was. They told me I should just die and that if I was gone nobody would even notice. I cried for hours, soon after that my boyfriend broke up with me. He didn't want to be with me now that I wasn't cool any more, but that wasn't even the worst of it." Leslie said.

She paused a moment before continuing. Seeing, the tears glisten in her eyes and watching her hurt put a lump in my throat. I tried to swallow it down, but the pain in her eyes was so familiar. It was something that I had seen so many times in my own eyes when I looked in the mirror. It hurt to see her in that kind of pain. I truly understood it too. Sometimes I felt like I was the only one who understood.

"They really stressed the whole fat and ugly thing. They even had a hate wall set up for me and a hate petition. A "sign this if you hate Leslie" petition. I'd stare at my food and as I did...all the comments would pop in my mind. I can't...I can't eat anymore." She said, as she burst into tears. She lifted her shirt just a little. When she did, I winced at what I saw. Her stomach had almost completely caved in on itself. Her ribs had a very thin layer of skin covering them. She looked down at her own stomach and stared sobbing. She looked like a starving animal right now, not the beautiful girl that I wanted to be so badly. A loud noise erupted from the depths of her stomach and I knew she was hungry.

"Please...please eat something." I whispered, choking a little on my own words.

"I can't!" She wailed as she covered her face. I lightly pushed a bagel near her. She looked at it and slapped it off the table. I jumped back in surprise and sat there too stunned to say anything.

"I'm sorry, Sam. Just please don't ask me to do something that I am completely incapable of. I can't... I'm scared." She said in a hushed whisper. I nodded and picked the bagel up off the floor. She sighed.

"I quit school." She said softly.

"What?" I almost screamed. She looked down at the floor and paused a moment before continuing her horrific tale.

"I had no choice. It got to where it wasn't just verbal abuse anymore... my safety was at risk." She said, as she pulled her shirt sleeve up. When she did, she revealed a huge bruise on her shoulder.

"What happened?" I asked, in disbelief. Tears were started to form in her eyes again and I prayed she wouldn't cry because I could feel myself breaking as well.

"The first time that I realized I was in a completely different world was when I was headed down the stairs. I felt two hands on my back then a hard, forceful push. I went tumbling down the stairs and looked up to see a bunch of kids laughing their heads off. That was months ago... I still have bruises and scars." She said, revealing more wounds. I cringed and looked away. I couldn't take this. How could this happen? How could the tables have turned so quickly? I never got physical hurt. Maybe I didn't have it quite as bad as I thought I did.

"Sam, there is nothing I wouldn't do to be you. Not just now because you're living the dream, but when you were at school too. I envied you." Leslie stated. I choked on my coffee and it burned my throat as I did. I coughed and sputtered for a few more moments before gaining my composure again.

" _You_ wanted to be _me?_ You _envied_ me?" I practically spat.

"Sam, you never cared what anybody thought about you. You were so carefree and everyone's opinion was irrelevant to you. Every time someone says something about me... I-I just can't take it. It destroys me and I don't know why! I don't want it to be that way." She said, the sobs rising in her voice. She hung her head and her shoulders shook as she wept.

"I can't believe the life I'm living anymore... it doesn't seem real. It's a nightmare... my entire life is a nightmare." She whispered.

"That was my life." I stated.

"Yes, but you changed it! I can't. I have no taken whatsoever. Being pretty doesn't get you anywhere. Especially not now... I mean, look at me?" She said, as she gestured to her body.

"You could try getting a makeover and do modeling." I suggested. She shook her head.

"I tried that. I was still empty. Nothing I could do would make me happy. I just wanna be happy again. I did everything I could to be happy. I got tons of piercings." She said, as she pulled her hair back, revealing many ear piercings all above her lobs.

"I got tattoos." She said, as she rolled her sleeve up again. She looked at the images up her arm and looked disturbed by her own actions... almost as if she couldn't really believe that they were there.

"I bought a motorcycle and I drove. I don't have my nice little car anymore. Someone ripped the breaks out." She said quietly.

"THEY RIPPED THE BREAKS OUT?!" I screamed.

"Shh!" Leslie hissed. She scanned the room to see if anyone had heard me. She then leaned across the table and motioned for me to come in real close. I leaned in.

"I joined a gang." She said softly. My jaw dropped.

"A gang?" I hissed. She nodded.

"Yeah, kinda hints the ratchet clothes...it's our gang's clothes." She said as she unzipped her jacket. When she unzipped, she revealed a T-shirt with a rather large symbol in the middle.

"Your gang symbol?" I whispered. She nodded.

"My gang members ripped the breaks out of my car because I didn't do a deal right." Leslie said.

"A deal?" I echoed.

"We steal stuff...it's what gangs do, Sam. Apparently, I didn't do it to their satisfaction so..." She trailed off. She drew in a deep breathe obviously to keep the tears away.

"So...you just got on your bike and drove? What do your parents think about all this?" I asked. Leslie shrugged.

"They don't know where I am. They call all the time and it breaks my heart, but it's too late to go back now." Leslie stated. Leslie looked up at my with a swollen tear stained face and red puffy eyes. She looked miserable. A sob caught in my throat.

"Don't be like me, Sam. I had every quality to make one divinely happy which was ironic because it seemed the quality I lacked most in my life was the very happiness that was implied to go along with my life." Leslie said. I just nodded. Woah, deep. As Leslie looked at me like a starving puppy dog, her face morphed to mine for a moment. I gasped and jumped back a little. She was just like me and I noticed it more by the second as the tears streamed down her face and the sobs escaped her.

"I know you... I am you." I said softly. She lifted her face from her hands and looked up at me with a confused expression.

"I know how it feels. I've been where you are... I'm not just saying that either. I've been forced into the same tragedies, but through those I found myself." I said. Leslie sighed.

"I'm still looking for myself." Leslie said, her voice trembling.

"Well, stop searching. When you're not looking...it will find you. Right now, Leslie is a beautiful, flawless, and model-like girl who has to be perfect. Maybe that's not you." I said. Leslie sighed. I couldn't stand it anymore. I got up and embraced her. She wrapped her arms around me as well and sobbed into my shoulder. I knew people were watching, some were even asking if we were okay, but I just shook my head. I could feel Leslie shaking and before I knew it, tears were streaming down my face as well. She shook in my arms and I did the same in her's. It was a moment of healing. A moment where two broken girls who barely spoke to one another in high school made a special connection outside in the real world. It was fate. It was...friendship, a most unlike friendship at that. Finally, she let out a deep breathe and pulled away from me. She looked me in the eyes and smiled as if to say thank-you.

"Where will you go?" I whispered. She shrugged.

"Wherever the wind takes me." She said in a low voice. I grabbed her wrist forcefully.

"Come with me." I almost demanded. She jumped back a little in surprise.

"What do you mean?" She asked.

"Leslie, we're going on a flight soon back to California for a few days. You could fly with us and find your parents again." I suggested. Leslie shook her head stubbornly.

"I can't do that. Even if I wanted to come back they wouldn't accept me." Leslie protested. I sighed.

"Then at least come with me to church." I said.

"Church?" Leslie echoed. I nodded.

"Today is Sunday, the afternoon service is probably about done now, but the evening one starts in a few hours." I stated. Leslie sighed in defeat.

"I'm not even dressed." She said.

"Oh, come on! That's your excuse? Surely, you could have thought of something better than _that._ I've got plenty of clothes at the hotel. Our stylist, Kelly is an absolute fashion queen and we won't have a problem finding something in your size." I said, nodding at her scronny stomach. She pulled her shirt down self-consciously.

"I just don't know, Sam." She said as she gazed at her bike. I sighed.

"You could meet Hunter." I said finally.

"FROM ALL4U?! HE'S THE CUTEST!" She squealed. I nodded with a satisfied smirk on my face.

"Okay...I'll come." She agreed reluctantly. I clapped my hands and let out a little cheer. I led her up the stairs to my hotel room. Our security guard, Bryce stopped me when I came off the elevator.

"Um, who is this?" He demanded.

"Bryce, this is Leslie. She's going to be staying with me for a little while." I said calmly. He jerked me away from Leslie and waited until we were out of earshot to speak.

"Sam, the girl looks like an absolute punk! Besides, even if she was your best friend we wouldn't let her around here because it's not safe for the boys. We're not just talking about some lads that play at a local pub or something this is _the biggest boy band_ in the entire world we're speaking of. We have to keep them safe. I don't think you understand the responsibility you were taking on by joining this band." Bryce said sternly. I rolled my eyes at his long, unnecessary lecture.

"Bryce, it's not like she's some crazed fan." I argued.

"OH MY GOSH, IT'S HUNTER FROM ALL4U! I AM LIKE A HUUUGE FAN!" Leslie squealed. I smacked my palm to my face.

"Not a crazed fan, huh?" I heard Bryce mutter. Hunter smiled warmly at her.

"Hello, love. What's your name?" Hunter asked. Leslie squirmed awkward and embarrassing way.

"My name's Leslie." She said.

"Nice to meet you, Leslie." Hunter greeted.

She looked down and nodded like a little kid that had just won a prize during treasure or something. I knew my chances of her getting to stay with us until we went to California in two days were extremely slim... and becoming slimmer by the second. I looked around the hotel searching for some answer to convince Bryce.

"Hey, babe." Hunter said, wrapping his arms around me.

"Hi." I greeted, absently. Leslie's eyes went wide as saucers.

"I-Is he y-your b-b-" Leslie stuttered.

"Boyfriend? Yes, I am." Hunter said with a grin. I looked down embarrassed. It still felt very strange to be addressed as that. But she obviously hadn't seen the tabloids lately which was understandable seeing as she'd pretty much had a life on the run these past few months.

"Hunter, this is Leslie and she needs to get back to California and I want her to ride with us when we fly there in two days." I explained. Hunter nodded slowly.

"Okay, so... what's the problem?" Hunter asked.

"Well, I guess it's not exactly safe to have a complete strange with us for the next two days, but I swear she's harmless and she'll leave everyone alone. Right, Leslie?" I said, giving her a knowing look. Leslie nodded eagerly, too starstruck to even speak.

"This isn't a movie! You can't just scoop up a random stranger and put them on the world's hottest tour with you for a couple days. There are plenty of safety perceptions that must be taken before that happens." Bryce said, very matter-of-factly. I batted my eyes at Hunter, silently pleading for him to be on my side for this one.

"Come on, Bryce. She's a fan. It's the least we can do for a supporter of our career. Without our fans, where would we be?" He asked. Bryce heaved a heavy and reluctant sigh.

"Fine, she can stay." He muttered.

"YAY!" Leslie and I both cheered.

"But only is she promises no more creepy fangirling and screaming." Bryce said firmly.

"I promise not to be creepy or fangirly." She vowed. Bryce nodded firmly, turned on his heels, and practically marched back to his room.

"Thanks so much." I whispered to Hunter.

"Any time." He whispered back.

"So, Leslie, let me show you to our room." I said. She linked arms with me and I led her to our suite.

"WOOOAH, THIS PLACE IS MASSIVE!" She screamed.

"Shhh, shhh! People are sleeping." I hissed.

"Oh, sorry." She said, obediently putting her fingers to her lips. I could still see the excitement in her eyes though. I wondered if I was like that when I first entered this life.

"You're the luckiest girl alive, Sam." Leslie stated, as she flopped lazily on my perfectly made bed.

"For the next two days, you are too." I stated. Leslie sighed happily in agreement.

"You can't go to church like that though." I said, gesturing to her Gothic attire.

"What? Why not? I thought God was supposed to accept me the way I am." She protested. Oh, what a little smart alack.

"Listen, you're not going in looking like a band member of Kiss or something. Just let me make a few little changes." I said. She sighed and reluctantly stood up.

"Fine, what do you wanna change?" She asked.

"Well, let's start with the nose piercing." I said.

"No, I can't take it out!" Leslie cried, cupping her hands over her nose defensively.

"And why not?" I asked.

"Because, it'll close up." Leslie said.

"Is that a gang thing?" I asked.

"Shhhh!" Leslie hissed.

"Leslie, we're all alone and an hour of not having it in isn't going to ruin your life." I stated. Leslie held her hands up, signaling a retreat and went to the bathroom to get peg shoved through her nose out. She came back out about a minute later.

"What now, miss modesty management?" Leslie said with a smirk. Smart. Alack.

"Can we get this out?" I asked, as I pulled on the feather weaved into her hair.

"Ouch!" She cried, grabbing her hair. I rolled my eyes.

"Oh, don't be a baby." I said, tugging on it again. She screamed once again. I sighed and went to my suitcase. I grabbed some safety scissors.

"No, no, no! We are not cutting it out. I draw the line. No. Not happening. Why do you even have that in your suitcase anyway? Are you a secret killer or something?" She questioned. I couldn't help, but laugh a little at her strange hypothesis.

"Yes, Leslie I secretly murder people with scissors at nightfall." I said in a spooky voice.

"Just be gentle, okay." She said, wincing as I inched closer to her with the scissors. I quickly snipped the feather that was attached to the root of her hair and a little of her dark frizzy hair cut with it, but I didn't dare tell her.

"Can we dye your hair?" I asked.

"What? You're not serious. I didn't sign up for an extreme makeover, you know. I just agreed to going to church with you. Don't take advantage." Leslie snapped.

"Okay, okay, just saying your hair looked really nice when it was blonde." I stated. Leslie didn't say anything for a moment.

"Did it really?" She asked. I nodded.

"Okay, let's do it." She said. We both scampered down the stairs and into the parking lot. Leslie hopped on the bike and I hopped on behind her. Awkward. What's even more awkward is that I got my leg stuck and fell over on the other side.

"Babe, you okay?" Hunter asked, running to my side. He must have been watching us from the lobby.

"Yes, I'm fine. We're running to the store." I said, brushing myself off. Leslie just nodded and drooled a little as she stared at him. Ick.

"Why don't I give you guys a ride?" Hunter asked.

"No, it's fine really. We're just gonna-" I started.

"I'd like to see your car!" Leslie cut in. I shook my head at Leslie and tried to get her attention, but her eyes were locked on Hunter.

"Alright then!" Hunter said, twirling the keys of his car on his finger. I don't know why, but the idea of Hunter and Leslie being in a tight area where she could drool all over him made me a little nervous... even if I was there.

"But I won't lie, you look adorable in that little biker helmet." Hunter said, tugging gently on the straps of my hat. I smiled and pulled the helmet off.

"Oh my gosh! Is that you car?" Leslie cried. Hunter nodded with a satisfied smile.

"That's unbelievable! I can't believe I'm gonna get to ride in that. It's beautiful." Leslie cooed. Hunter shrugged.

"I do the best I can." He said, trying to be modest. He opened the passenger door for me and Leslie slid in.

"Wait-" Hunter started.

"It's okay." I cut in, as I slid into the backseat. Leslie went on yammering a mile a minute about how her friends used to jam out to his music and fired questions about his fame life. She asked who was the most famous person he had on his phone and when he went to show her Justin Bieber's number she ended up calling him. Surprisingly, the Biebs wasn't so thrilled having a girl squeal in his ear on his private phone number while he was trying to work. Hunter glanced at me through the rear view mirror and smiled.

It was nice to see that actually... to know he was thinking of me as a good looking girl drooled all over him. I looked out the window and thought about the challenges of having Leslie here for the next little bit. I wondered if she'd be a klutz and ruin the rehearsals or something. Either way, bringing her back to her parents would be totally worth it.

"We're here." Hunter said when we reached the store. Leslie bounded out and went skipping toward the entrance. Hunter slipped his hand through mine.

"I like her, she's nice." Hunter said. I rose an eyebrow and he pushed me playfully.

"Oh, not like that. Don't get all worried. Have you been friends a long time now?" Hunter asked. I shook my head.

"Actually we were never friends until she heard about me joining the band." I replied. Hunter groaned.

"Sam, she's using you then. Can't you see that?" Hunter asked. I shrugged.

"It's a little different than that, Hunter. It's hard to explain." I replied.

"COME ON, GUYS!" Leslie cried, motioning for us to run faster. We jogged over to where she was standing. She looked down lustfully at our intertwined hands and I pulled away self-consciously.

"Okay, what kind of dye do you want?" I asked, rummaging through the different colors of blonde.

"I like this platinum blonde." She said, holding it up to her head. I nodded.

"I think that would be nice, but lay it on easy. This is church you know." I said.

"Is all this just for church?" She asked, tossing the dye in the cart.

"No... to be honest, I don't want your parents to see you like this. You scared me when you came in and I don't want your parents to have the shock I did when they see you. Church just seemed like a good excuse to get you back to normal." I replied.

"So we're not really going to church?" She asked, hopefully. I laughed.

"No, don't think you're getting out of that. We're diffidently still going to church." I stated. Her face fell a little in disappointment, but I wasn't sorry I was dragging her there. There were plenty of things that were going to be said tonight that she really needed to hear.

"Do you have a dress?" I asked.

"Kind of." She replied.

"What do you mean kind of?" I asked.

"Well, it's a black dress with skulls." She replied. I shook my head.

"I don't think going to church looking like the grim reaper is very Godly." I said.

"Yeah... I hate to say it, but I agree with you on that one." Leslie stated. We headed off to the clothes section and passed by Hunter looking at the magazine racks. Leslie smiled and waved at him as we passed. He looked up and politely returned the wave.

"You are so lucky." Leslie muttered.

"Why?" I asked.

"Just look... Look at what you've got. Your life is so perfect." Leslie said, gesturing to Hunter.

"Leslie, I know high school is all about getting a boyfriend and all, but that's not really how the real world works. Sure, he's cool... but there all other things in life besides boys." I stated.

"Like what?" Leslie, asked as she pulled a flowered dress off the rack.

"Well, I've got a music career ahead of me, concerts, rehearsals, and I've even been asked to do a few interviews... but I haven't decided if that's quite the route I wanna take." I said.

"Oh, but don't you want that perfect fairy tale ending. I mean, I don't know what's going to happen, but it looks like you've got it. The boy is crazy about you, Sam." Leslie said.

"No...no, actually I don't. I never really expected one and so I've never had my hopes up for my life to end that way." I stated. Leslie shrugged and searched through the rack of cute dresses.

"What about this one?" She asked, holding up a white, laced dressed. I rubbed the scarlet fabric.

"I like it." I said. Leslie grinned.

"Me too, let's go try it on." She said as she excitedly ran to the dressing room. I waited outside as she changed. She came out and did a little twirl. She looked like a princess, but then again she was the kind of girl who could pull of practically any outfit and work it better than the model in the catalog did.

"Should I get it?" She asked, looking in the mirror. I nodded.

"Perfect!" She squealed as she went in to get her wallet. She rummaged deep in her wallet searching for money. I realized pretty quickly that she was completely broke. I understood why too, motorcycle gas wasn't cheap.

"It's okay, I'll pay." Hunter said from behind. I was really glad Hunter had offered because I didn't have any money either.

"Oh my gosh, are you for real? That is sooo sweet. You really don't have to do that." Leslie said. Hunter waved her off.

"No, it's okay. I want to. Any friend of Sam's is a friend of mine as well." He said, going into his back pocket for his wallet. I grinned as she skipped back into the dressing room like a school girl ready for summer break. It was good to see her happy compared to the misery she was in earlier today. Hunter plopped down beside me and wrapped an arm around me pulling me into his chest for a hug.

"You saved the day. I didn't have any money either. That would have been a bummer." I said. He laughed, his chest rising and falling as he did.

"This happens to be an easy fix, but I hope you know I'll always be there to save the day for you. No matter how big or small the problem is, I'll be there." He said. Leslie burst out of the dressing room at that moment.

"Awww, you guys are so sweet! Ya'll are like the perfect couple!" Leslie cooed.

"Eh, um, yeah. So...let's play that dress." I said a bit awkwardly. We all walked to the check-out counter and paid. Leslie continued to babble on the ride home and I listened intently this time. She was so miserable when she came in earlier today. She looked like a deprived beast, but now she had that signature gorgeous grin on her face and sight warmed me. Hunter parked the car in the lot and helped all of us out.

"Babe, we've got an interview to do down at the radio station. Would you like to come?" Hunter asked me. I shook my head.

"Leslie and I are gonna catch the evening service tonight and we still haven't found a church so we got a lot to do, but thanks anyway. I hope it goes well." I said.

"Oh, come on! We can go to church some other time. I've never been on the radio before and I know you haven't either. Pleeease!" Leslie begged. The offer was extremely tempting, but I knew what was right.

"No, we need to stay here." I said firmly. Both Leslie and Hunter looked disappointed, but I didn't even mind. I had always prided myself a bit in having a good conscious and that wasn't changing now.

"Come on, Leslie. We should be getting ready now." I said, as I drug her into the hotel lobby. She still looked bummed, but she didn't say anything more about it.

"Okay, I'm not really sure how to dye hair, but this shouldn't be too hard. I think it's sort of like shampoo, right? You wash it in, I'm pretty sure." I said, once we were back in the hotel room.

"That sounds about right." Leslie said as she scanned over the back of the bottle. I made her kneel over the tub and began rinsing the shampooing the dye into her hair.

"Um, Leslie, something isn't right here." I said hesitantly.

"WHAT?!" Leslie screamed. I ran my fingers through my hair in frustration. I looked from the bottle back to Leslie's hair.

I gripped my head and thought of what I was doing wrong. I scrubbed a little hard and tried to rinse all I could from her hair.

"I don't know, it's just... oh my gosh." I gasped when I looked in the mirror. In the confusion, I had gotten dye all over my hair as well. When I grabbed my hair in frustration, I forgot my hands were completely smothered in dye. My jaw dropped open.

"Leslie!" I cried.

"What?" She said, lifting her head from the tub. A gasp escaped her as she caught sight of my multicolored hair. I dived for the tub.

"No, don't rinse it!" She cried jerking me out of the tub.

"Why?" I asked.

"I don't know what'll happen. You're supposed to let it set. Just... come on, Sam you're already halfway blonde. Why don't you just dye the rest?" She asked. I sighed. It was a very logical conclusion. I tugged at my naturally fiery red hair. I had been rocking the ginger look for as long as I can remember. Maybe it was time for a little change.

"Okay, I guess I have no choice." I said, as I squirted the remainder of the dye on my hair. We let it set for the proper amount of time before rinsing again. I blow dried my hair then looked in the mirror at my new blonde luscious locks. I never thought I'd enjoy being a blonde, but I really did like this look. I kept stealing glances of myself in every passing mirror. I just couldn't believe it was me.

"Oh, look at you! You can't stop drooling over yourself." Leslie said with a giggle as she tugged on my new due. I looked at Leslie. She was really starting to look like herself with her old hairstyle back. She no longer looked like this creepy emo kid lurking the streets at night and I liked it. I liked having something familiar for a change, having the old Leslie was like having a piece of home.

"Now, for that makeup." I said, grabbing a makeup removing wipe. Leslie covered her face defensively.

"What do you mean? There's nothing wrong with my makeup." Leslie protested.

"Okay, Leslie I hate it when people tell me my makeup is too much. I used to load it on and my parents would complain and I eventually stopped trying, but this is church. Can we tone it down just a bit?" I asked with a pleading smile. Leslie sighed loudly and dramatically before reluctantly nodding in agreement. I was glad too because I really didn't think she was going to budge on this one. I lightly brushed the wipe against her face until she was completely bare. She opened her eyes and looked at me. She was a very beautiful girl with and without makeup. To be honest, she was the definition of perfection and deep down I was starting to wish I was here once again and I knew that was wrong. She had even told me flat out that she coveted my lifestyle and that I wouldn't want her's. I didn't want her life, but a part of me did want her beauty. I applied a bit of eyeliner and a few strokes of mascara. I used a few soft eyeshadow as well.

"Believe it or not... I sort of like it better when it's not all caked on. My face can actually breathe now. Sometimes, I feel like I'm wearing a mask or something." She said, rubbing her face gently. I smiled.

"It looks good too. You're really pretty." I said softly. She smiled a little at my statement.

"Thank-you, but it's a lot of pressure." She replied quietly.

"No, to be perfect." She replied taking a long gaze in the mirror. I looked at the two of us in the mirror. Who knew that two people that looked so different could have so much in common? We were diffidently not those kids that you would see hanging out in the school hallway together. In fact, we would probably barely acknowledge each other if we were back in school. But right now... right now, we had everything in common and we weren't in a school setting anymore. We had broken away from all that. We weren't the same people we were a few months ago. We were stronger.

"Do people pressure you to be perfect?" I asked, as she examined her reflection.

"Well, I guess the group of people I hang out with don't really encourage me to be different." She said. I wasn't sure if she was referring to her friends back at school or her new gang friends. Either way, that was a completely true statement.

"Well, for the next two days you'll be in a completely safe environment. There's no need to fear any of that." I stated. Leslie smiled and let out a sigh of relief.

"That's so nice... you know, I'm so scared of my gang members. If you make one wrong move, it could be game over for you and that's a terrifying thing." She said with a shiver.

"Don't worry, we're all family here. Nobody has an image painted for you and nobody will judge. Speaking of painting, how are we gonna cover those tattoos?" I asked as I gestured to the prints snaking all the way up her arm. She shrugged. I went rummaging through my suitcase and found a long shawl.

"How about this?" I asked, holding it up. She peered out of the bathroom door.

"That'll work!" She said. She finished changing, slipped into her shawl, and pulled her hair over her ears to cover the piercings. She stood in front of me. She actually looked... like Leslie. She looked so beautiful and I was so happy to see her like this again. I glanced down at my watch.

"Oh, I lost track of time! We gotta hurry!" I cried as I scurried into the bathroom. I shimmied into my dress, grabbed my purse and darted out.

"Are we gonna have to hop on your bike in our dresses?" I asked. Leslie shrugged.

"I guess so." She said, as she threw one leg over the bike. I did the same and before I knew it, we were speeding down the highway with our golden locks flapping in the wind.

We continued cruising on steadily when we saw a motorcycle flipped over on the side of the road. There was nobody stopping for the man and I heard a few loud cries for help coming from that direction.

"Leslie, pull over." I commanded.

"Why?" Leslie asked.

"Please, just do it." I said. Leslie pulled over to the side of the road. I hopped off the bike and sprinted over to the man. I gently pulled his helmet off his head. When I saw the face of the man a sharp gasp escaped me.

"Kade?" I squeaked. He replied with a light groan of pain.

"Just hold on, okay?" I said, as I yanked my phone from my pocket. I dialed 911 and quickly briefed them on the situation. Kade writhed in pain and screamed. I knelt beside him and tried to hold him down.

"Kade, the more you thrash the more blood you'll loose. Please just calm down." I begged, trying to hold down his spazzing body. He shook his head and squirmed this way and that. I knew that there was nothing I could do, but stay with him.

"Shh, Kade, it's okay." I said. The paramedics showed up pretty quickly. I watched in horror as he was lifted onto a stretcher and shoved into the ambulance. The ambulance sped off, leaving Leslie and I with the haunting sound of the wailing sirens. We stood there until the loud cries of the ambulance faded to a gentle moan, then to nothing but the rustling of the trees beneath the wind.

Leslie and I both hopped on the bike and zoomed off following closely behind the hospital. With a few quick calls, the entire All4U team was sitting in the waiting room waiting for the news on Kade. I was pacing the floor frantically. The thought of Kade being hurt absolutely freaked me out.

"Do you think he's okay?" I said, running my hands through my hair. Hunter looked up from his phone at me.

"Sam, he's gonna be fine. Why do you care so much anyway?" He asked, in an annoyed tone.

"Don't you? I mean, he's a member of our team. We're supposed to be a family." I said.

"Maybe you should start treating him a little more like family and a little less like your spouse." Hunter muttered.

"What was that?" I snapped.

"Nothing." Hunter said, putting his hands up defensively. I narrowed my eyes at him.

"You just need to chill." He said. I didn't reply.

"I like your hair." He said, trying to change the subject. He tugged it lightly. I felt like slapping him off, but restrained myself. I knew that probably wouldn't end well.

"You dye it?" He asked, inching closer to look at it. I nodded.

"I just wanted something different." I lied. I didn't have time to explain my stupid mistake right now.

"It looks beautiful." He said.

"Thanks." I said. I was paying hardly any attention to our conversation right now though, my mind was on Kade. I absent-mindedly fiddled with the teddy bear I had purchased Kade in the gift shop. It was holding a "Get Well Soon" heart in it's fluffy paws. I smiled down at it. I hoped he'd like it. The doctor walked through the doors and we all exploded out of our chairs almost perfectly in-sync.

"Kade is able to see you now." The nurse said. We all followed her down a long narrow hallway to his room. My entire body was shaking as we opened the door to his room. I wanted him to be okay so badly. I wasn't quite sure what I'd do if he wasn't. I had never been so scared in my entire life. I felt lightheaded and my entire body was weak. I thought I might pass out. He just had to be okay When we got in Kade looked as if he'd just stirred from a deep sleep. He looked over at us drowsily.

"How are you feeling?" I asked anxiously.

"Fine." He replied adjusting his position.

"He was banged up pretty good, but nothing too serious. He should be home in about two days. Don't worry, he'll be back on stage in no time." The nurse said.

"Oh, that's such a relief. Thank-you so much. You hear that, Kade? You'll be rocking out again in no time." Connie said. Kade gave a weak smile and a little groan of agreement. Everyone small-talked with Kade for the next few minutes, but it didn't seem he was in either the mood or condition for chatting. I stayed back as everyone else filed out of the room. I sunk down in the corner so Hunter wouldn't see me.

"What are you doing?" Kade asked once the last person had exited.

"I wanted to see you. What happened?" I asked.

"Oh, like you even care." He scoffed.

"Kade, what's that supposed to mean?" I demanded. Kade shook his head.

"I get it, Sam. You'd rather be with Hunter than me. I knew you'd have to make a choice some time." Kade said. He no longer seemed drowsy or sleepy, but I did wonder if there was just all the drugs and medicine talking right now.

"I have absolutely no idea what you're talking about." I stated.

"I heard him, Sam. I heard him say he didn't want you hanging around me anymore and after that you started avoiding me. I haven't seen you in days, Sam. I know you'll do whatever Hunter tells you. If he says to stay away from me you'll run as far as you can and that's exactly what you did." Kade snarled.

"Kade, what's wrong with you? I've been busy and that's why I haven't been spending time with you. You're obviously confused." I said.

"No, Sam! You're the one who's confused. I trusted you. I thought you'd be different and that maybe you wouldn't be shallow. I thought you could look beyond the good looks, glory, and fame of Hunter. For some reason, I thought you might be the kind of girl who can look within, the kind of girl who would rather be happy than famous. I see now how wrong I was." Kade continued.

"YOU'RE AN ANIMAL AND A LIAR!" I screamed. I heaved the teddy bear at his head as hard as I could.

"YOU'RE THE POSER! I SHOULD'VE KNOWN YOU'RE NOTHING BUT A FAKE!" I shouted as I slammed the door loudly. The nurses in the hallway were all gawking at me. I could feel their stares like hot rays penetrating into me.

"Is everything okay, dear?" One asked me. She lightly touched my shoulder, but I shoved her off.

"Everything is fine." I said coldly. I slammed the elevator button and stomped inside. As the elevator plummeted down, so did my heart. It was all in my head. We had no connection whatsoever. What I thought I felt with him was all fake. He didn't love me... he didn't even like me. For the very first time, I had my first broken heart. It just stung so badly. I didn't cry. I wasn't even angry. I just felt...numb. That was the thing, Kade was the one who showed me how to feel and without him...I was numb. I felt nothing. I walked stiffly back to the parking lot where Hunter was still waiting on me.

"Where were you?" He asked.

"I-um...I-" I started to choke a little on my words.

"Hey, babe, are you okay?" Hunter asked, tilting my chin up. I was forced to look at him and I knew the pain in my eyes was obvious.

"What's wrong?" He asked. I shook my head.

"Nothing... I just really love you. I'm sorry." I lied. I knew Hunter was all I had to hold on to. He was my boyfriend anyway. It was silly to be brokenhearted when I had the perfect boy right here in front of me. What was I thinking anyway? I needed to stick to what was familiar...not what felt right. My heart told me that Kade and I were perfect for each other. That was so stupid though. When had I ever listened to my heart? I was a fighter who used her head and skills not a sentimental drama queen.

"Awww, babe, I love you too. You don't have to apologize. I know you're just under stress, don't even worry about it." Hunter said, wrapping me in a tight hug. I breathed in the strong scent of his cologne and returned the embrace. He kissed the top of my head. I hugged him tight like if I let go he'd be gone forever. But...was it wrong that the whole time I was in Hunter's arm I was dreaming it was Kade? I looked down at my wrist where my the bold words "strong" used to be printed.

"I wish it was you..." I whispered into the air.

CHAPTER SEVENTEEN: Just a friend

When I woke up in the morning, my head was splitting. It was probably throbbing from all the stressful thinking I had done the night before. I had come to the conclusion that Hunter was who I wanted to be with, but I think what I said to Kade was harsh. I wasn't one to regret much. I meant what I said and said what I meant, but he wasn't a liar. I was the liar. I was a liar for calling him a liar...if that makes sense. He wasn't fake either. I wasn't sure how I was going to apologize. The words I said couldn't be taken back no matter how hard I tried. Suddenly, an idea hit me in the face like a ton of bricks.

"Leslie, are you okay if I'm out for a few hours?" I asked. Leslie nodded.

"I'm sure I'll find something to do around here." Leslie said.

"Okay, great. I'll be back soon." I said as I dashed out the door. As I was hustling out to the store, I saw Hunter sitting on the back of his car and staring up at the sky. His gaze temporary was disengaged from the sky to meet mine instead.

"Hey." He greeted. He tapped the spot beside him on his car, motioning for me to sit down. I obediently sat beside him.

"What are you doing?" I asked.

"Just thinking..." He replied.

"What about?" I asked. I laid down as well and stared up at the clouds.

"You." He replied.

"Me? Why?" I questioned.

"I saw this article the other day and it had a picture of you telling Bailey off... was that real?" He asked in reply. I waited a moment before answering. Part of me was tempted to lie. I didn't want Hunter thinking I was a jealous maniac or anything. But I couldn't lie to him... not anymore than I was already. He hadn't known all the adventures I had these past few months, all I had been was dishonest. I thought maybe now was the time to start fessing up.

"It's true, Hunter... I'm sorry. She just-" I started.

"Thank-you." He cut in. I furrowed my brows in confusion.

"I won't lie... sometimes I feel like I should have chased after Bailey when she left. But now seeing the way she treats you as well as other I see how wrong I was. I shouldn't have put up with her as long as I did and I'm just like everyone else. Everyone else is too scared to stand up to her, but you weren't. You put her in her place and I'm glad you did. So...thank-you." Hunter said. I nodded and blushed a little.

"Hunter, do you mean that?" I asked, weakly.

"Of course, you're-"

"No, do you mean you should chase after someone even though it might not be right? To love someone that others don't think are right for you? To take chances even when the odds are against the both of you?" I inquired. Hunter paused a moment before replying.

"I think that if you love someone it doesn't really matter what others think. Love is for two people to share...not for the rest of the world to judge." Hunter replied thoughtfully. I nodded and pondered the thought.

"So even if you know what the consequences could be... you should go for it?" I questioned.

"Sam, what are we even talking about anymore? If you wanna something, babe then get on with it." Hunter urged. I shook my head.

"There's nothing I wanna say...not yet anyway." I said quietly. Hunter cocked a brow.

"I've got to go now. I'll see you later." I said. Hunter nodded.

"I'm going on a talk show...I'll call you afterward." He said. I nodded and slid off the car. I started toward Leslie's motorcycle I was sure she wouldn't mind if I took it for a spin. I was paying for her hotel expenses and for her flight back home.

"Would you like a ride?" Hunter asked me from across the lot. I shook my head.

"I'll just take Leslie's bike!" I called.

"Don't you have to have a license for that?" Hunter asked.

"I do. When I was fourteen I got one. I had a lot of spare time to study. It's not like I ever had anything better to do." I replied.

"There's so much I don't know about you." Hunter said, shaking his head. I kind of wondered if I wanted him to know everything about me. For some reason, he was a lot harder to talk to than Kade. But he was my boyfriend and I loved him. Yeah... I loved him. A lot. Because he was mine... all mine.

I hopped on my bike and sped off for the store. While I was there, I got all the supplies I needed for the perfect apology. By the time I was done, it was dark out. I knew most of the patients at the hospital would be asleep and that was perfect. I didn't think the nurses would exactly approve of the scenery I was setting up, but they would have to deal with it because it was probably the only way I could get Kade back.

When I arrived at the hospital I checked my surroundings. The hospital was very quietly and most of the patients were resting. I set small glowing candles all along the hallway and a trail of rose petals that lead down the hallway to where I was standing with a torch. The lights were dimmed which made it even better. I softly knocked on Kade's door and rounded the corner to the end of the hallway. I heard him noisily clank out of his bed and jerk on the knob a few times before opening the door. I heard the door creak slowly behind him. He padded down the hallway following the trail of sweet smelling roses. When he rounded corner of the hallway he had a sheepish grin that melted my me.

"Can I be your torch?" I whispered. I was carrying a lit torch in my hand with a hopeful grin. He smiled and shook his head in disbelief.

"Come on, do you know how long it took me to find a torch? They don't sell these just anywhere." I said. He laughed... I forgot how much I'd missed his laugh.

"You did all this?" He asked. I nodded.

"Just like Jade did..." He whispered. I saw tears in his eyes.

"Aw, c'mon, don't get all choked up. It wasn't meant to be that heartwarming. I'm not quite the sentimental kind." I stated.

"Oh, really? I never would have guessed." He said sarcastically. He looked around the room with a smile on his beautiful face.

"This is stunning." He whispered as he walked closer to the flickering candlelight. The light emanated a heartening glow that reflected and bounced off the walls. Their light bounced playfully off the roses making them a much deeper and prettier shade of red. The fragrance coming from the trail was a satisfying, fresh, welcoming, and clean smile that filled your nostrils the minute you entered the hallway.

"You didn't have to do this." He stated. I shrugged.

"I think I sort of owed it to you. You were right." I almost choked on those words.

"I was right? Wow, how does that feel? Actually admitting you're wrong? You got it bad for me." He said. I laughed and was surprised at how much my cheeks were burning right now. My heart was beating so quickly in my chest that I could hardly breathe. My stomach was twisted in so many thoughts that I was thinking I might just be sick. These were all feelings I didn't usually get around Hunter. I clasped my clammy hands together and tried to hide my obvious discomfort at these unfamiliar feelings.

"I'm sorry too, Sam. I shouldn't have said what I did. You are different and you're so incredibly special and though you may deny it you're really thoughtful. I know most people and even you most of the time say you don't care, but...this is amazing. I didn't think you even remembered when I told you Jade did this and it pains me to say it, but you recreated it better than she did. You're amazing, Sam." Kade said. He limped over to me and blew my torch out so he wouldn't get burned. He wrapped his arms around me in a loving embrace. His hugs weren't like anyone's that I'd ever received before. They were warming and he nuzzled into me, making butterflies explode within my stomach. Butterflies? When he hugged me it was like an entire zoo let loose inside me. I didn't appreciate these feelings and I wasn't used to them. I wasn't used to caring whether someone was fond of me or not. I never really cared if I hurt someone's feelings before. I almost thought they deserved it since I had my feelings hurt so many time before. I was actually started to deny the fact that I even had feelings or emotions. But... when Kade was around I knew for sure I had feelings. I knew for sure I had emotions... and he stirred them up more than anyone I'd ever met before.

"When can you come back to us?" I asked. He rubbed his sore leg.

"The doctors say they'll let me out tomorrow afternoon. But... when I'm starting to feel better I'd like you to do something for me." Kade said.

"Of course, what is it?" I questioned.

"Well, I did go with you to see your brother and I took quite a beating as well when I did." He said.

"You sure did." I said with a laugh.

"So you know we'll be back in Raleigh in a few days?" Kade asked. I nodded.

"Well, Jade is buried there...I haven't been there in months, because I promised myself the next time I went would be the last. It's time to move on and I know that... that's what she would want anyway. So... I was wondering if you'd come with me to say my final goodbye and support me." Kade said.

"Of course, I'd love to." I said. He smiled and hugged me once again. I wanted to stay there...in his arms...forever.

"Will you come see me tomorrow?" Kade asked. I nodded.

"We're all going to have to. It's gonna take a lot to get you loaded in the bus. The doctors told us they didn't really think you should be traveling the minute you're released." I said. Kade laughed softly.

"I'm always doing things that people don't think I should." Kade said.

"You're going on a separate plane though."

"That's true. Hey, Kade..." I whispered.

"Yes?" He replied.

"Can I tell you something?" I asked.

"Anything." He replied softly. His arms were still wrapped around me.

"When you got hurt... I was just so scared. The thought of loosing you was almost more than I could take and... I guess I kind of realized that I care about you. I care about you a whole lot." I admitted. He stared at me without saying anything and for a moment I wished that I wouldn't have said anything.

"I'm sorry, I just-" I began.

"No, Sam...it's okay. I care about you too. I love you." Kade said. My heart sank deep within me. I felt like someone had just punched me in the stomach. I honestly never thought that I would hear those words come from Kade's lips. I didn't know what to say.

"But, I know... you're with Hunter. It's okay, I just thought I'd tell you while we were admitting things." He said, awkwardly rubbing the back of this neck. I pursed my lips and looked down uncomfortably. I still wasn't sure what to say and my heart was beating so fast that I could hardly breathe.

"No, it's okay. Why don't we just wait this out? It's obvious we both feel...something. So can you just give me a little time?" I asked.

"Time... time for what?" Kade asked in reply.

"Time to find what I'm looking for." I answered.

"What if I'm what you're looking for?" Kade whispered.

"I'm starting to think maybe you are." I said with a laugh. Kade looked at me and when he did I felt something inside me softened I felt like a part of my heart that had been frozen for such a long time thawed. The looked he gave me as those candle lights flickered softly made me start to feel again. His eyes glowed like the soft rays of the candles and I didn't want him to let me go.

"I'll come here tomorrow." I said.

"Okay...I'll be waiting for you." He said with a smile. He leaned over and gently kissed my cheek. For all the months I had known him, that's what I had been waiting for. I grinned at him. I helped him back to his room and he hobbled over to his bed.

"Do you have everything you need?" I asked. He nodded.

"Okay, bye." I whispered, softly shutting the door.

"Bye." I heard his sweet voice ring out through the door. I booked it home knowing Hunter would be full of questions when I arrived. But when I got there it was quite the opposite. Leslie and Hunter were sitting on the coach in the lobby, staring at a laptop, both sharing an earpiece. I cleared my throat loudly. They both looked up at me.

"Oh, hey where have you been?" Hunter asked.

"Busy. Where have you been?" I interrogated.

"We went to a theme park. Believe it or not, I've actually never been to one before. Hunter said I had to go before I went home tomorrow." Leslie said. I was completely baffled, but I kept my words closed behind my compressed lips. Leslie looked awfully beautiful now that she had her flowing blonde hair back, natural pretty face, and studs out of her nose... and I knew Hunter wasn't the one to resist beautiful girls. I actually really regretted getting her back to normal. Why doesn't she got ahead and run from town to town with her ugly morbid clothes, killer gang, and stupid sob story.

"Hey, sorry I didn't call you. I really meant to, I just kind of lost track of time." Hunter apologized. I nodded my head and tried my best to keep cool.

"It's fine, I don't really care. I was busy to." I said, maintaining my poise.

"Sam, I-" Hunter started.

"You know, I'm beat. I bet you are too from all the roller coaster right, Leslie. Let's get some shut eye." I said, jerking her off the couch. Leslie turned back and waved at Hunter.

"Byeee!" She called across the lobby. I was embarrassed now as well as angry.

"Bye!" Hunter called back. I rolled my eyes and gagged a little.

"Baby, don't I get a good-bye hug?" He asked. I turned around, but Leslie was already practically leaping into his arms. That was it. I turned on my heels and stomped into the elevator. What a jerk. They both were jerks. I went up to my room alone and plopped on the bed. Leslie came shortly behind me.

"You know he wanted a hug from each of us, right?" Leslie asked, once she entered.

"No, I'm pretty sure he meant just me. Thank-you very much." I snapped.

"Well, whatever you say." She said as she slid into her bed.

"What did ya'll do?" I questioned.

"Well, he bought me cotton candy, won me a prize, and-"

"Okay, I've heard enough." I interrupted.

"But you asked-"

"Leslie, shut up! Nobody cares about your stupid tricks you play." I snarled. Leslie looked hurt.

"I don't play tricks." She said quietly.

"Stop pretending your this sweet innocent girl because I don't buy it!" I snapped. With that, I rolled over on my side, slapped the light switch off, and jerked the covers up over my head. There was nothing but crickets chirping outside. There was an impenetrable wall of silence dividing the two of us and a part of me wished I would have just kept my mouth shut. But now...what was said was said. I wasn't sure but I thought I heard soft whimpering and it broke my heart to pieces. Part of me wanted to crawl over into bed with her and tell her I didn't mean what I said. I knew an apology was in order, but I just lay there paralyzed and completely unable to make the words come from my mouth. I knew that I was just as bad as the bullies that had scarred me so much for so long. I felt awful...for probably the second time in my life I actually felt guilty. All these new unfamiliar feelings were welling inside me and making me question if I was even knew who I was anymore.

The next morning, I woke up and Leslie's bed was empty. I got up and looked around the room for her, but she was nowhere to be found. Everything inside me dropped. What if I had scared her away? Had she left in the night? Had I hurt her that badly? I'm a monster, I'll never live with myself. I hate myself I'll never, ever-

"Good morning, Sam!" Leslie's voice rang out from behind me. I twirled around. I saw her sitting at a table in the lobby, brewing some coffee. My jaw dropped to the floor and I was instantly filled with sweet, satisfying relief. I grabbed my heart, thinking it may have been pounding so hard that there was a chance it would fall right out.

"Leslie, I'm so sorry. I was being so-" I started breathlessly.

"Don't worry about it, Sam. I get it... you love him." She said. The words made me stomach tie in knots and I actually felt like saying something of the matter, but I kept my mouth shut.

"I thought you left and I was so scared. I just-" I tried again.

"Sam, it's okay. I promise you... I'm not hurt." Leslie said with a warm smile. I felt so guilty. How could she just forgive me like that? How could she possibly be so nice when I was such a jerk? Maybe she did deserve Hunter more than I did...

"Morning, babe." Hunter said, giving my cheek a peck. I stood there numbly. I was still recovering from my miniature heart attack.

"Excuse me?" Hunter said, turning his head toward me. He tapped his jawline gently, requesting a kiss.

"Hunter, Leslie made you some coffee." I said almost robotically. He raised a brow.

"Okay? Thank...you." Hunter said, taking the cup of coffee that was made for me. Leslie opened her mouth to protest, but I shook my head. She shut her mouth at my command.

"Leslie, I'll go get your bags." I said.

"No, you don't have-"

"It's okay. I want to." I said, already halfway to the elevator, leaving them alone. I figured if Hunter made a move on Leslie it would be a sign that I should be with Kade. I went into the room and searched for Leslie's bags. I found them near the window. Sunlight was streaming through the window softly as it overlooked the streets. I sat and thought... I thought about all that had happened to me the past few months. I was so grateful. I hardly remembered that broken girl who hated being around people anymore... I was different. That pain was nothing but a shattered memory now in the back of my mind. All the smiles I had on this tour had made up for the tears that had been shed in the past. All of sudden, it didn't really matter as much anymore if I stayed with Hunter or went with Kade. I knew God had a plan either way. I looked up into the glorious turquoise sky.

"Hey, God... we haven't really spoken much. I'm really sorry about that. I haven't thanked you for all you've given me. This kind of life is the one that everyone dreams of having and you gave it to me of all people. I just can't believe it. I haven't really thought about it much to be honest. I sort of tend to take things for granted, but You already know that. I just wanted to tell You... You mean everything. Thanks for all of this." I prayed. At that moment, I knew my goal of getting right with God had been achieved. A river of indescribable peace flowed throughout me and I knew God loved me... and I loved him. I smiled up into the sun and felt it's warmth on my face. I knew I was a lucky one and I didn't realize it quite often enough. If you wouldn't asked me a few months ago, I would have described my life as a living torture chamber, an incurable sickness, or a nightmare that I just couldn't seem to awaken from. But now... I knew I was lucky. I knew I was loved. I was loved by Someone who really mattered and for once in my life I could honestly say I really loved Him too.

"Thanks, God... I love you." I whispered.

"Sam, who are you talking to?" Someone said as they knocked violently on my door. I was so startled that I fell off the ledge and hit the floor hard. I scampered to my feet and pulled the suitcases with me. I pulled the door open.

"Are you okay?" Leslie asked. I nodded.

"You weren't talking to a boy were you?" Hunter asked. I smiled and shook my head.

"No... just a Friend." I said.

CHAPTER EIGHTEEN: Living my life your way

Everything was packed up and we soared through the sky on our way to our destination. Everything was quiet on the flight. I had my headphones in, Hunter was asleep, and the rest of the boys were entertaining themselves quietly with a tape gun. Logan was currently taping Corey to his seat while Josh took pictures of it.

"California here we come!" Leslie cheered. I pulled my headphones off my ears.

"Are you excited?" I asked. Leslie shifted a little uneasily.

"I'm scared." She replied, weakly. I was surprised by her answer.

"Why? Aren't you happy to see your parents again?" I asked. She waited a moment before slowly nodding.

"I am, but... I just don't know if they even want me back. Will things ever be the same again? I mean, how can I look them in the eyes knowing what I've done?" She asked. She made no eye contact with me which was a sure sign of her guilt.

"Leslie, they're your parents. They are kind of required to love you no matter how bad you mess up. Besides, you're a intelligent, beautiful, young lady. You've got everything going for you. There's no reason to be down on yourself." I said.

"You're right... can I have a pop tart from your bag?" Leslie asked. I tried to hide my surprise, but I wasn't sure how successful I was.

"Are you... sure?" I asked as I fished it out of my bag. Leslie looked hesitant, but she nodded all the same.

"It's time I start accepting myself the way I am... even if I'm not a size zero. Like you said, I got a lot going for me... and I'm worth it." She said. Her beautiful blue eyes shimmered when she said that. But I wasn't envious of her turquoise orbs for once. I was happy to see the light in them. They had been dim and dead for so long... it was good to see her happy for once. I handed her the pop tart. She stared at it for a few moments before slowly bringing it to her lips. I watched, silenced by the anticipation of what she was going to do with it. Slowly, she sank her teeth into it. From her facial expressions it kind of looked like every bite hurt her. She was jumping right in and clearly on her way to recovery. She choose probably the most sugary food on earth to eat instead of starting slowly and that took an unfathomable amount of courage. She gave me a forced, fake smile as she ate on. She only got halfway through when she held her stomach and threw it down.

"I can't." She said weakly. I could tell she was disappointed in herself.

"No, no, it's okay. I'm proud of you." I said, as I took it. I set it in front of her though in case she wanted to resume her challenge. I couldn't wait for her parents to see her. The color had come back to her face, her blonde hair was in loose curls, and she no longer had the starved animal look about her. She looked gorgeous.

"Sam, I can never thank you enough." She said, tearing a microscopic bite off the pop tar and eating it. I tried to hide my excitement at that tiny bite. Any process was an improvement from where she was when she came a few days ago.

"Thank me? All I did was give you a ride." I said. She shook her head.

"You loved me when nobody else would. I felt so...alone. When I'm with you I feel...different. I feel understood. You're probably the only friend I've ever really had. You're real." Leslie said. I smiled at her compliment. I was actually not as dumbfounded now when I received compliments probably because I wasn't as insecure as I was a few months ago. So much had changed since then.

"I should be thanking you. You've taught me so much as well. I won't lie. I hated you." I admitted.

"What?" Leslie asked, surprised.

"No, no, not now. But... all those years of school I wished I was you. But now I see that the pretty girls don't have everything. Those pretty faces actually seem to tell the saddest stories." I said. Leslie nodded.

"I certainly don't have everything. To be honest, I don't have any idea what I'll do next. I don't think returning to school is an option and my gang situation is still unhanded." She said with a sigh.

"You just have to trust God." I said with a shrug.

"Yeah, we never did make it to church, did we?" Leslie asked.

"No, we got a bit distracted." I said with a laugh. Leslie laughed as well and it was such a comfort to hear that beautiful sound come from her. It wasn't something I'd been missing actually. I fished into my bag and pulled out a Bible.

"Here... since we never got to go to church, I want you to take this." I said, handing the Book to her.

"Thank-you so much." She said running her fingertips over it's golden engraved words.

"Will you read It?" I asked. She nodded.

"You promise?" I asked, extending my pinky finger.

"I promise." She said, intertwining her pinkie with mine.

"As a matter of fact, why don't we read a little now?" She suggested. She opened to the book of Psalms and began reading. Her reading voice was beautiful and flowed perfectly with the elegant, poetic words. I soon was lulled to a deep sleep. Her lighthearted, happy tone mixed with the soothing words, made my eyelids flutter until they became too heavy to lift anymore. I was tired and gave into the continuous call of sleep that beckoned me. With a smile on my lips and happy words in my heart I let myself doze off into my own silent dreamworld.

"Saaaaam! Saaaaam!" My eyelids popped wide open. I was being shaken by Hunter and Leslie was calling my name.

"Man, you were knocked out. You slept the whole way here." Hunter said.

"You snored too." Leslie whined.

"We're here." Josh said, from behind them all. I stretched a little and slid out of my seat. My neck was cramped, my entire body was stiff, and my legs felt like jelly. I gripped the seats of the plane to steady myself and keep from tumbling over. Leslie was chewing her manicured fingernails nervously and twirling her curls with her finger. She looked like the typical cliche popular girl and the sight made me laugh. We stepped off the plane and into the airport.

"My parents are waiting inside." Leslie said, ringing her hands nervously.

"Don't be scared... I'll go with you." I encouraged. She nodded and I followed closely behind her as she took her walk of doom into the airport. I studied her stiff motions and tight expression. I wasn't quite sure what was going through her mind right now. Suddenly, she stopped cold, causing me to bump roughly into her back. She was as white as a sheet.

"What's wrong?" I asked.

"That's them." She said in a barely audible voice. Her parents didn't move a muscle and neither did she. The whole world seemed to go silent and move in slow motion as they stood there gawking at one another.

"Maybe this was a bad idea." Leslie whispered. I didn't say anything. Slowly, her parents closed the gap between the three of them. She stood stiffly as they neared closer. Leslie's father lifted a hand. She flinched, as if she was about to be hit. Suddenly, both of them burst into tears. I jumped in surprise at the sudden reaction. I looked over at Leslie and it was clearly written on her face that she had been effected the same way by this sudden change of atmosphere. Both her parents threw their arms around her, tears flowing down their face. The sternness left their hard expressions and was replaced by a soft look of love for their aught. Leslie slowly and hesitantly returned the embrace. They stood there all wrapped up for what seemed like hours. It was a moment that would be forever locked away in my brain. It was something you'd see out of a sappy love movie and it kind of warmed my heart. I wasn't used to that. Whatever the feeling I was experiencing now was one I enjoyed. I didn't know what to call it... pleasure? Admiration? Love? Joy? None the less, this picture was one that would remain permanently etched in my brain. Leslie's shoulders began shrugging up and down with sobs as well, though she did her best to hide it. She cried into her father's shoulder with such a tight grip that I thought she may never let go. For some reason, the figure of her father slowly morphed into an image of my brother in my mind. I had no idea why my brain was playing such cruel tricks on me and my breathe caught in my throat a little at this disturbing mental trick. I thought of how I'd hold him. I thought of the embrace I desired from that one guy that would never love me... out of a long list of many. But I had let go of my past now... and he was a part of my past. That was over. He was over.

"I'm sorry!" Leslie sobbed, snapping me back into reality. Her father rubbed her back soothingly as the tears continued to stream down her face. Her mother was displaying a show of waterworks as well with a river of tears flowing down her cheeks as well. Leslie sobs grew quieter and quieter until they faded into silence and we heard nothing, but the soft chatter of passengers around us. I listened contently to the hum of airplanes taking off and last calls for flights coming over the speaker. Leslie's father continued to rock her in his arms even after her tears had stopped.

"I feel like if I let you go again, I'll loose you forever." He said, holding her tightly.

"I'm never leaving, Dad... never again. I promise." Leslie said, pulling away to look into his eyes. He reluctantly let his arms drop to his side. Leslie's mother linked her arm in his to make sure his position would stay secured that way and not strangle his daughter with hugs. Not now anyway.

"Thank you, Sam... thank-you so much. If it weren't for you, I just don't know where I'd be. I owe you everything." Leslie said. She wrapped her arms around me and I hugged her back. I actually liked it. I didn't feel the urge to shove her away like I had in the past. I liked her. I liked hugs. I liked being loved.

"Maybe you can repay me by loaning some of your clothes to me. You know a Hannah Home sort of thing? It's like charity work. Maybe you could get some community service credit for it." I said. She laughed a hardy laugh that came from her stomach and smiled a genuine smile at me. The kind of smile that comes from your eyes. For once in my life, I had done something right. I had done something good... and I was happy. After a round of hugs (Leslie and Hunter's embrace seem to last the longest) Leslie was off. She had an arm around each of her parents and soft laughter followed in a trail behind them and rang throughout my ears. The sound brought a smile to my face. I felt two strong arms around me. I expected it to be Hunter.

"You did good." But the voice wasn't Hunter's. I spun around. I saw dark shimmering eyes, jet black hair, an a playfully grin on some nice rosy lips.

"KADE!" I cried, throwing my arms around him. He hugged me back and put most of his weight on me, to steady himself.

"How are you feeling?" I asked.

"My leg still isn't great, but the flight up here was nice. It was quieter without you." He said.

"Heyyyy!" I said, giving him a gentle nudge.

"I never said that was a bad thing. I missed hearing your voice." He said. I smiled.

"I missed hearing yours as well." I admitted.

"Hey, Kade!" Hunter said, giving him an extremely hard back slap that knocked him a few steps away from me. Kade rubbed his shoulder sorely.

"It's good to have you back." Hunter said with a clenched jaw.

"Thanks, bro... it's good to be back." Kade said, staring him dead in the eye. You could cut the tension with a knife in this room. I shifted with my bags uncomfortably.

"Oh, do you need some help with that?" Kade asked, taking my suitcase from my hand.

"No, Kade you better rest. You still have a bad leg, remember? It's probably not a good idea for you to be carrying heavy things." Hunter said, jerking the luggage from my hand.

"It's not heavy." I muttered. Hunter shot me a filthy look and if looks could kill I would have dropped dead on the spot.

"I love your hair, Sam." Kade said, as he took a lock in his hand. I let a smile cross my lips momentary, keeping in mind Hunter was right in front of me.

"What did you do to it?" Kade asked, running a hand through it. Hunter spun around slowly.

"Kade, maybe you should keep your hands to yourself." Hunter barked. He grabbed my wrist and pulled me far away from Kade. There was a huge crowd of us herding like cattle and trying desperately to stay together. Hunter had dragged me to the front of the crowd of us, as far away from Kade as possible.

"I hate that kid!" He growled. I didn't reply. Because I didn't agree with him... I didn't hate Kade. I was starting to feel quite the opposite about him actually.

"Are you going to say something?" He said through clenched teeth.

"I don't see why you hate him." I replied honestly.

"Because he's all over you! Are you blind, Sam? The guy is smitten with you." Hunter cried. I blushed a little. Was he really smitten with me? I bit my lip, trying to hide my smile. I felt really happy and giggly all of a sudden.

"I don't think he's smitten. I think you're being dramatic." I said.

"Please kiss me." Hunter almost whined.

"What? Why?" I demanded, looking right at Kade.

"I need to know your mine." Hunter said, reaching for me. I stared at Kade. No way was I kissing Hunter in front of Kade. I'd made that mistake before and the pain clearly written on Kade's face was enough to kill me. I thought of an believable excuse.

"We're in public." I said.

"Like that's ever held me back before." Hunter snorted.

"That means you have no shame." I stated.

"Maybe not." Hunter said with a shrug.

"You're proud of that?" I questioned.

"Are we seriously arguing about this?' Hunter asked.

"Um, as I believe you're the one who started it." I snapped.

"You know what? I'm over it." Hunter huffed. He turned back around, making sure to nudge Kade as he passed him and walked over to the boys. I rolled my eyes. I knew I had made him mad, but I just didn't care. It just wasn't even worth it anymore. Kade saddled up next to me the minute Hunter left. I cringed because I could feel Hunter's eyes boring into me. But at the same time it melted me that Hunter had made the effort to limp up here. It must have been painful. We spent the rest of the walk to the car talking and laughing. He made me laugh a whole lot more than Hunter did. I was still laughing as I walked into the hotel lobby with him.

"Okay, guys, you have exactly three free hours before we have rehearsal. If anyone is late then they'll answer to me." Connie said sternly.

"Yes ma'am." We all answered in unison.

"You wanna go somewhere?" Kade whispered in my ear.

"Where?" I asked.

"I don't know. Let's explore." He said with a shrug.

"We could hike... you like hiking?" I asked.

"Doesn't matter. Just wanna spend time with you." He seemed a little surprised at his own words... almost as much as I was.

"Okay, let me put my things up stairs." I said, blushing. I ran up the stairs, knowing I'd be up even faster than the elevator. I darted up to my room and threw my stuff on the bed. I took a quick look in the mirror, I fixed my hair, and applied a lit more eyeliner. Then, there was a firm knock at my door. I opened the door expecting to see Kade's eager face... but what I saw was quite the opposite. All of a sudden, I felt like I might pass out. I gripped the door frame to stability.

"R-R-Ryan?" I squeaked.

"Sam, baby... how have you been?" He asked. He didn't slur, his eyes seemed clear, and he stood in a firm and upright position.

"Are you sober?" I asked, waving my hand in front of his face. His eyes followed my hand without hesitation.

"Why are you here?" I demanded.

"To say I'm sorry." He replied.

"I think it's a little late for that." I said, starting to close the door. His hand hit the door firmly, swinging it back open. I jumped a little at the hard thud, but I wasn't about to give him any indication that I was scared.

"How did you even get in here?" I asked skeptically.

"I have my ways." He replied with a shrug. I narrowed my eyes in suspicion.

"Sam, lighten up. It doesn't matter anyway. Aren't you happy to see your big brother?" He questioned, holding his arms wide open. I always thought of how I wanted his embrace and how I wanted to be with him, but now I put my foot down. I wasn't about to let him manipulate me as he'd done before. He'd manipulated all of us and we were so blind for so long. But today was the day I awaken. His arms dropped to his side in defeat when he realize I wasn't in the mood for hugs. He sighed.

"Listen, Sam, if it isn't too much trouble I was wondering if you could pick up some supplies for me." He lowered his voice.

"I will not be your drug dealer!" I cried.

"Shhhhhh!" He hissed as his hand flew over my mouth. I narrowed my eyes at him as he cupped my mouth tighter.

"Take it easy, alright? I wasn't asking for drugs. I'm past all that now... I'm clean." Ryan said. He lied. He lied straight to my face just then and I hated him even more for it.

"I see now how wrong I was and I want to help you. I can show you the ropes of life, little sister. But you need to help me too." Ryan persuaded.

"What life? You have no life. You're just a worth, drunk bum who will never accomplish anything." I jeered.

"Ouch, words hurt." Ryan said, grabbing his chest.

"But actions hurt worse and your actions have hurt not only me, but the entire family." I stated.

"I'm living the dream, don't you wanna be a part of that?" Ryan questioned.

"I can't believe you. You're so blind by your own selfishness that you don't see what an idiot you are. You'll get caught and you'll rot in jail for the rest of your sorry, useless life." I hissed.

"Sam, all I'm asking for is a little money." Ryan said putting his hands up defensively.

"MONEY?! THAT'S ALL YOU EVER WANT!" I screamed.

"What's your problem?" Ryan snarled.

"You're my problem! You've always been a problem to everyone you meet!" I cried.

"If you not gonna help me, I don't need some Godly goody-two shoes preaching at me about what a hindrance I am." Ryan said.

"God will strike you down." I said firmly.

"I won't stop until God strikes me _dead._ " Ryan sneered.

"If I gave you money you'd only want more. Your selfish hands are always outstretched waiting for suckers like me to fill them." I stated.

"The old Sam would have helped me. You've changed." Ryan stated.

"I've changed? No, I've just stopped living my life your way." I said. With that, I slammed the door in his face. I went to my bed and lay there frozen. He was gone. He was only using me for my money and now that he knew I wouldn't be supplying that anymore, he'd take off. I'd never see him again... and it was so hard to let go. I watched from the window as he hopped in a car with a bunch of his friends. The car skidded off and drove away... and my memories or him drove off as well.

"Good-bye, Ryan." I whispered.

CHAPTER NINETEEN: Holding my world

I took all my photos of Ryan and I together. One by one, I held the lighter to the picture and slowly watched as the picture and the memory disintegrated in front of my eyes. I watched as the flames engulfed the paper, incinerating it in seconds. It was time to burn him out of my memory and out of my life. I heard a frantic knock at my door. I really didn't wanna be bothered right now.

"I'm busy!" I called.

"Sam, I need you to-" I jerked the door open because I recognized the voice. It was Kade.

"Why didn't you come out and meet me? I thought... wait, do I smell smoke?" He demanded, he burst into my room without a proper invitation. He looked around frantically.

"Sam, there's a fire in here! We gotta get out of here!" He cried. He scooped me up in his arms and started running out the door. I giggled.

"Kade, stop! There's no fire." I said, hitting his chest. He let me down.

"Well, at least it was an excuse to have you in my arms." He muttered.

"I heard that." I said with a laugh.

"You were supposed to." He shot back.

"Well, then mission accomplished." I said, giving him a playful round of applause. Kade walking over with a grin to my where my pictures lay all already half torched. He picked it up gently, knowing with too much force it could crumble in his hands. He recognized the half of the face he saw that wasn't already seared. He looked at me with a sympathy in his eyes that made my stomach flutter. He turned slowly to face me and put his hands so gently on my shoulder that I could barely sense his touch. But the feeling warmed me none the less.

"He came by." I said finally.

"Are you okay? Because I can beat him up aga-"

"No, no, it's fine. I don't think he'll be showing up in my life anymore." I interrupted. Kade nodded in understatement. He looked from me to the scorched picture.

"Do you want this jerk in your life?" He asked, gesturing toward the photograph. I shook my head.

"Then I'll help you... I'll help you let go. Just like you're gonna go to Raleigh with me and help me let go... I'll help you. Because I know what it feels like... trust me." Kade said softly. I nodded. He put his hand on top of mine and flicked the lighter on. We both watched as the flame ignited and cremated the picture. It was time to let go.

As the flames flickered I looked in Kade's eyes and saw the blames reflecting in them. He was concentrated on the destruction happening at his fingertips. The remainder of the picture turned to ashes in seconds. Neither of us said a word for a few moments. Silence enveloped us... but it was a comfortable silence, more of a respectful silence. It was almost like those silences that are given out of respect at a funeral because in a way someone had died today. The big brother I grew to love so many years ago would never be that boy again. That boy was gone... he was dead to me. Kade put his arm loosely around my shoulder

"Come on... let's go rehearse." He whispered in my ear. I followed him down the hall and to the elevator. As we stepped in the wall of silence remained between us. Kade let out a long sigh.

"Sam..." He said softly.

"Yes?" I acknowledged. He took my hand and looked me deeply in my eyes. My breathe caught a little as he did. His eyes were a dark almost black color and they were always full of mystery, but not right now. I could read every emotion going on in his body through his eyes. I once heard that your eyes are a window to your soul... Kade's eyes were not only a window to his soul, but to his mind as well. I could practically read his every thought just be the look in his eyes. Right now, his eyes were filled with anxiety and he even looked a little frightened. I had never truly seen Kade scared before and the sight was discomforting.

"I've been thinking and..." He said softly.

"Come on with it." I pressed.

"I just don't think I ever really told you-" Kade began again. Just then, the elevator doors opened and Hunter came pouncing in. He grabbed me and jerked me out. His eyes were puffy, his nose bright red, and his entire face slightly swollen. He looked like he had been crying for ages.

"Sam, I can't believe it!" He cried.

"What? What's the matter?" I demanded. He shook his head and buried his face in my shoulder. I pushed him off to look at him.

"Tell, me what's going on right now." I demanded. He shook his head and hid his face from me. I waited patiently for him to gain his composure. He drew in a deep breathe before speaking.

"They won't let us be together." He whispered. He looked at me longingly, I supposed waiting for some crazy, dramatic reaction. I didn't give him that though.

"What do you mean? Who?" I asked calmly.

"My management. They want me to go out with a pop star... they said it would be better for my image. I told them you had kind of become a pop star though. You were voted America's Sweetheart, you know that? You're special, but they just don't think it's good for the band as a whole either." Hunter explained. I nodded slowly.

"Maybe they're right." I muttered. Hunter looked at me as if I had just insulted his mother or something.

"What do you mean?!" He practically shouted.

"Hunter, let's face it... I'm not exactly your type." I admitted. Hunter shook his head firmly. I could practically see steam coming from his ears.

"I won't accept it. I just can't. Sam, I don't care if I have to leave this band. I'm going to be with you and nobody is going to tell me I can't." He said firmly. Part of me agreed with him. The rebel in me who had defied authority her entire life and had absolutely no respect for any human put higher than her agreed. The "you can't tell me what to do" part of me was blazed with anger that someone would tell me how I should live my life. I had always broken the rules and I didn't care who told me I couldn't. Most times, I'd even ignore my parents instructions even though they swore they knew best. Part of me, thought that this was cruel and wrong. Then again... the other sentimental part of me that had grown over the years wanted to let Hunter go. This was an easy way to break up with him, but I knew that was a cowardly way to slide out of this relationship.

"This is an outrage! Sam, I can start a rebellion or something. I can get the fans in on it as well. I know they'll take my side. I just... wanna be with you forever." Hunter said, taking my hand. He was more angry than sad now.

"Hunter, just calm down." I said.

"Calm down? That's all you have to say? I thought you'd be angry as well. Don't you see what they're trying to do? They want to break us up. They wanna tear us apart." Hunter said. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Kade leaning up against the wall. I knew he had been listening to every word of our conversation. I didn't want to say anything to make Kade think I loved Hunter... but I didn't want to say anything to Hunter to make him think I didn't care.

"Don't you think it's wrong to go against management?" I asked.

"No, Sam I don't. All I've ever done is the right thing. I've always done exactly what they told me to." Hunter replied angrily.

"Do what you think is right." I said.

"I'll do what I feel is right." He said.

"Use your head, Hunter... not your heart." I warned.

"Don't let me go, Sam... don't let them push you away from me." He whispered.

"I won't." I couldn't believe the words that had just escaped my lips.

During rehearsals, Hunter kept his eyes locked on mine. I tried to focus on getting my chords right, but his soul devouring gaze was a bit distracting. I looked over at Kade, he was banging away at the drums and seemed completely lost in the music. I know I should be doing the same, but my mind was elsewhere today. Kade's biceps bulged a little as he whacked at the drums and his hair was slightly damp with sweat. The sight made me heart flutter a little. He looked so perfect when he was with the things he loved. Drumming was his passion and when he was on stage performing he had such fire in his eyes. I don't know why, but I wanted to be looked at like that from him. I wanted to be something he was passionate about, but I knew with the way things had been going lately my dreams weren't likely. I needed to shove such childish thoughts away. I was here for one purpose and one purpose only... to pursue my career as a guitarist. I wasn't here to have some fling with a boy I was forbidden to be with. When the song ended, Connie stood up and clapped for us.

"That was wonderful! All of you did great. Now, we have to be to Raleigh by tonight, so let's get hopping why don't we?" Connie said, already beginning to usher us out the door.

As I began unloading my things into my bus, a felt a lips come to my ear. I almost felt silky hair swish a little and hit the back of my neck. Shivers went down my spine when I heard Kade's warm voice.

"Raleigh here we come." He whispered. I looked back and grinned at him. When he returned the smile, I wanted his flawless face to stay in that position forever. He was gorgeous when he smiled. His entire face lit up and a glow seemed to almost radiate from him.

"See you in a few hours." Kade whispered with a smile. I gave him a wave. He couldn't seem to wipe that goofy grin on his face... and I loved it. Right as I was about to turn around, I felt a hand grip my wrist then and yanked me off the steps of my bus. I stumbled a little before finding my balance and looking with fiery eyes at the jerk who dared even think of handling me in such a manner. I had cock my head far back to see the guy's face. He towered over me in a rather intimidating manner and his wide frame blocked the sun from my view. He had broad shoulders, huge forearms, an evil sneer on his lips, and a chiseled chin that jutting out from his face. There were tattoos snaked up his arm and a scar on his face.

"Who are you?" I whispered shakily.

"I'm part of management. I don't guess you see me quite often." He said, crossing his arms. His forearms increased in size as he did. I swallowed hard. His accent was extremely think and intimidating as well and I couldn't quite make out where he was from.

"No, you don't come around often." I stated.

"I'll bet you're thankful I don't." He said looking down at me with those beady eyes of his. I almost thought of reply "why yes, I am" but seeing as he could crush me with his pinky I refrained from doing so.

"Well, you see I have what's best in mind for the boys. I try to eliminate anything that might get in the way of their career." He stated as he cracked his knuckles. I just nodded. I could physically feel myself shaking, but I in no way wanted to give off the impression I was frightened.

"You see, I feel you're standing a bit in the way of Hunter's career. He hasn't quite been himself since you two started going out. He keeps his eyes on you during rehearsals and not on the fans. That's not fair to them, you see? What if you were a teenage girl who's entire life was devoted to a band such as this and one girl comes and rips all their attention away from you. It's cruel, isn't it?" He asked. He sounded like he was selling a point in a business meeting not talking to a seventeen year old girl.

"I suppose." I said, smoothly.

"Listen, Sam... I don't want things to get ugly. All you have to do is walk away from Hunter and all this will be fine." He said. He put his shades on his face and began to walk away. I guess he thought this conversation was over.

"What if I don't?" I called after him. He turned around slowly and walked back over to me. He towered over me once again, this time he knelt down close to my face.

"We'll have a problem then." He said.

"I have a choice then, don't I?" I asked, stubbornly. My defiance was kicking in now. I wasn't about to listen to some big, ugly, bald man who ordered me around. No one told me what to do. I could do what I wanted when I wanted to do it. The rebel inside me was set free and running harder every moment he continued to speak.

"I don't think you're getting it, Sam. You walk away on your own or we'll make you walk away." He said, getting in my face. I clinched my hands into fists, tempted to push him away.

"You can't hurt me." I said bravely. He chuckled darkly.

"Listen up, Sam." He said, taking his shades off his face calmly. He hung them on his shirt collar calmly before continuing his threat.

"I don't want things to get bad for you, honestly I don't. But let's face it... this is just a fling. One way or another, you'll loose him so just do it the easy way." He said. With that, he stood up straight blocking the sun from my view once again so that I was forced to focus my attention on his freakishly tall and intimidating figure.

"Your choice." He said softly. He said it so softly that it felt almost like a thought or sub-conscious whisper replaying in the back of my mind. I watched him as he slid his shades back onto his face and walked over to his jet black, tinted windowed, mustang. He slowly reversed and stopped beside me.

"You know what to do." He said. With that, he peeled out of the parking lot, leaving me scared and a bit stunned.

Hunter walked up beside me. I didn't even acknowledge his presence, I just stood there in a daze. I knew it was time I ended it with him. I knew I was strictly with him now because I was told that I shouldn't be. I was being stubborn. I was playing games.

"Are you alright, babe?" Hunter questioned. I nodded slowly. He looked in the distance as the jet black car sped off into the sunset.

"Was it management?" He asked. I nodded numbly. Suddenly, I felt I was doing something wrong by being with Hunter. I felt like a liar and a cheater.

"I'll handle this, okay? I promise." He said, kissing the top of my head. I just watched as the black car drove farther and farther away until it faded into nothing but a black dot.

"I won't let them do this. Are you sure you're okay?" He asked.

"I'm fine." I said, dismissively. I thought I heard Hunter still talking, but I walked back to my bus. I knew what I had to do. I knew what was right. I fell into a deep sleep with these nagging thoughts running through my mind and over-working my brain to the point of exhaustion.

"Sam? Saaaam? Sam! Sam, wake up!" My eyelids slowly opened up and my vision was restored to me. I rubbed the sleep out of my eyes and the blurry images around me began to be return to their normal vivid colors. Kade was hovering above me and shaking me.

"Man, you were really knocked out. You must have been tired." He said. I nodded and sat up. I heard ear-splitting screams outside.

"What is that?" I asked groggily.

"Oh, these girls have been waiting at this hotel for the boys for ages." Kade replied.

I crawled to my window and peered out. There were girls everywhere screaming, crying, and throwing themselves at the boys.

"Woah, that's insane." I muttered.

"Yeah, we'd better get out there. They might come in here and start mugging us." Kade said with a laugh. I knew he was joking, but the thought did alarm me slightly. I knew the fans weren't particularly happy with Hunter and I being together and I knew they were quite aggressive at times so I hurried out the door to the safety of our security guards. Kade followed closely behind me. I was practically knocked off my feet when I opened the door and the sound wave hit me. The screams were deafening and I didn't see why the boys didn't have earplugs of some sort. I could hardly take it. I covered my ears and stood behind security where I was safe. I watched as the boys went and signed things for some of the fans under the watchful eye of their security guards. I heard my name being screamed. I looked over and saw a few girls screaming my name and holding out a pen and paper for me to sign. I looked over at our security guard hesitantly. He shrugged.

"Why not? I won't let them hurt you." He said. I cringed and slowly slid shyly toward the girls. I was afraid they were gonna call me names or tell me how I didn't deserve to be with Hunter. Instead, I saw a girl push her way to the front and look up at me with tears in her eyes. She had an innocent face and looked about thirteen or fourteen. She wore an All4U T-shirt with a heart painted in by Hunter's face. She had brown medium length hair and blue-green eyes that had looked like they had shed quite a few today. It looked as if it was taking a lot of courage to spit out what she was trying to say. She sighed and looked up at me with her lips quivering. She was about my height and at almost exactly eye level with me so I looked her right in the face and granted her my undivided attention.

"I'm not mad you two are dating. I'm happy for the two of you, really. But... when you hold him just please be careful... because you're holding my world." She said softly. Even over those earth-shattering screams I heard her softly whispered words. I felt as if she had just slapped me in the face. I fell back a little at her poetic outlook on the situation.

"I wrote this for you... will you read it?" She asked gently. I nodded dismissively and slowly stumbled toward the hotel. I had never thought of Hunter and I's relationship in that way. These girls here had dedicated their entire life to these boys. They had spent their time, money, and even tears on these boys. They truly loved them. I realized them what true love. I hadn't given half the time and attention to Hunter that these girls had. They had waited outside this hotel for hours, saved their money for their concerts or merchandise. They had spent countless hours looking up interviews, concert tapes, and performances of them. These girls had spent so many thoughts and tears on them. Their passion for them was indescribable. They had been there through thick and thin with them even though the boys weren't even aware of their existence. At their first concert, I saw the signs and was impressed. I had a respect for the fans. Now, they had my undying affection. Because now I actually understood them. I looked back and saw Hunter surrounded by beautiful girls. They were kissing his cheek, tugging at his shirt, hugging him, and crying over him. That jealousy I used to feel whenever another beautiful lady touched him was gone. I didn't feel the way I did when he was with Leslie or Bailey. In that moment... I knew right then and there that I had fallen completely out of love with Hunter.

CHAPTER TWENTY: Forever Seventeen

I sat in my room all alone channel surfing. I stopped on some weird cooking show that I had never even heard of before. I wasn't even watching it though. I was thinking of how horrid of a person I was and wondering how I was going to break the news. So many thoughts raced through my heard. If I broke up with Hunter I would still have to see him every day so wouldn't that be awkward? Could we remain friends? I didn't think we could. I hadn't made a very good girlfriend I don't think being his friend would work any better to be honest. What if he kicked me out of the band? What would I do then? Would I have to go back to school? Would I have to face my classmates again? Would they treat me differently now?

I looked at the letter that the fan had handed me. I wondered if I should read it. Maybe it was a hate letter. I got those from time to time. For the most part, the hate had died down some though. Ever since I was named "The It Girl" seems things to have slowed down. I hesitantly unfolded the paper and peered at the words printed inside.

Dear Leslie,

I want you to know I am so happy you make Hunter happy. I wish nothing, but the best for the two of you. But I will admit I spend every living second of my life daydreaming about him and wishing on every star that I could trade places with you. Sometimes, I wake myself up from this daydream I'm living and come to the realization that he does not want me and he is not mine. That's what is so painful about these dreams I have of the boy's... sometimes I have to wake up. I have to come to the painful realization that he is happy with another and it is not me. When I watch their videos on YouTube I have a smile plastered on my face the entire time and sometimes I even have to leave the room to calm myself. I cannot express this love I feel for these four boys, but it is one I have never experienced before. I think these boys are my very first love... and the first cut it always the deepest. Thank-you for your time and thank-you for the joy you've brought Hunter. I can tell by the way he looks at you that he loves you.

Love, your adoring fan Elizabeth

I stared at the letter for what seemed like hours. I had to do it. I couldn't go on like this. I could almost feel her passion and determination for these boys as I read through this sweet handwritten letter. I traced every individual letter on the page with my fingertip and scanned over her pretty handwriting countless times. She loved Hunter... she really, truly loved him. She probably had fake conversations with him, drifted off about him during class, and had watched every interview ever released of him and his band. Sometimes she probably wished she'd never even found this band at all because it brought her so much heartache. She really, truly loved him... and I knew that if it were her in my shoes, she would treat him as he should be treated. To her, this was more than some boy band... it was what kept her going. It was what she had poured her time and effort into. It might just be the one thing that kept her smiling. It was what she wanted and maybe even what she needed. This boy... was truly her world. Then, a thought occurred to me that shattered me. I was just like Ryan. We gave Ryan everything and he always ended up disappointed me. Hunter gave me everything and I always ended up disappointing him. I didn't deserve him. To be honest, I think he should date a fan. One of those would give him the affection and care he truly needed. They could give him everything that would make him happy. Never again would he be disappointed.

A knock at the door interrupted my thoughts as if they were made of thin, worthless glass. I stomped to the door, my mind still elsewhere. I swung the door open only to reveal Kade's grinning face. The sight warmed me and made me forget my previous mental torture. He twirled car keys on his finger.

"Did you buy a car?" I asked.

"No, no, this is a special occasion, but not that special. I borrowed it from Kelly." He said with a laugh.

"Oh no... so we're going to be driving a pink convertible?" I asked with a giggle.

"Hey, help a brother out. It's the best I could do. I didn't want to drive the motorcycle over there because it's supposed to rain and I didn't wanna get that pretty blonde hair you got wet." He said, gently tugging on my blonde locks.

"Oh, you think I'm a little princess that's too prissy to get wet?" I questioned. He just laughed. He opened his mouth as if he was ready to say something, but then swiftly shut it again. We walked down to his smoking' hot pink ride. I knew we were under serious circumstances, but I just couldn't look at that bright pink car and take the situation solemnly.

"Your carriage awaits, your highness." Kade said as he opened the door.

"Oh, why thank-you, sir." I said, giving him a swallow and awkward curtsy. He laughed as I tripped a little while attempting to rise from my curtsy. I slid into the passenger seat beside him and listened as the engine roared. We rode on in silence for a little while. There was nothing but the steady sound of the tires on the paved road and the hum of the engine. I looked out the window. Silence was never awkward with Kade...always comfortable.

"Are you ready?" I asked finally. Kade waited a moment before answering.

"I think so." He replied.

"How do you feel?" I inquired.

"I don't really know. I knew I'd have to do this some day, but it just feels so weird now that I'm finally facing it. But I feel better because I'm with you." Kade stated. I smiled a little at his response.

"Hey, you came with me and it's only fair I come with you. Besides, you got beat up for me." I said with a smile.

"There will be no beating up this time." Kade said.

"Promise?" I asked.

"Promise." He replied with a grin.

"You don't have to do this, you know." I said.

"Oh, but I do. I've needed to do this for a while. I can never move on if I don't let go first. I know that Jade would want it this way. I heard a soft patter on the roof and rolled down the window. I felt cold droplets of water hitting my skin.

"It's raining." I said. Kade glanced up at the sky.

"Oh, it's only a drizzle. We're fine." He said. After what seemed like ages, he stopped the car. I looked out. We were in a wide valley that had what looked like hundreds of tombstones. There were little gray stones lined together perfectly as far as I could see. I looked at Kade. Little rain droplets were now beating on his head and forming at the end of his hair. I could tell if the dampness on his cheeks were tears or rain. He looked handsome though. He went into the car and pulled a red rose from the glove compartment. He sniffed it and closed his eyes as he inhaled the scent.

"Do you know where her grave is?" I asked. He nodded.

"I know exactly where is it by heart. I come here often." He responded. I followed him through the damp and grass until we stopped in front of a stone. "Jade Elise Thomas" was engraved on the stone. Kade dropped to his knees right in the mud before the stone as if it were some sort of holy land. He brushed the words lightly with his fingertips. He touched them so tenderly as if her grave were made of glass and if he didn't treat her gently enough it would crumble right his eyes. I stood behind him and bit my lip, I was getting a bit emotional just watching him.

"I miss you." He whispered. His voice was barely audible over the sound of the rain on the concrete. He seemed as if in that moment he didn't even realize I was there. H gently set the rose in front of the grave stone. It was covered in tiny little rain droplets and looked so majestic against the the shimmering gray stone. He stooped down as if he were praying them slowly lifted his head to eye level with Jade's name.

"I love you... but I'm moving on because I love. I know that's what you'd want, baby." He said gently. His voice quivered and I hoped to goodness he wouldn't cry. I knew I'd break down as well if I so much as saw a single tear slid down his face. He slowly rose to his feet and looked down at Jade. Water streamed from the tips of his hair down his face. His hair looked an even deeper jet black when it was wet.

"Are you ready?" I whispered faintly. He nodded.

"Good-bye, Jade." He said softly. As soon as he did a loud clap of thunder sounded.

"What was that?" He cried. We both looked up at the same time to see the bottom drop from the sky and release buckets of rain that it seemed to have been storing for months. It poured down mercilessly on both our faces. Rolls of thunder sounded like banging drums off in the distance and flashes of lightning flickered in the sky.

Kade grabbed my hand and sprinted down the hill. Somewhere along the way he lost his footing and we both went skidding down the hill right into an enormous mud puddle. He laughed a little and I could only faintly hear the joyous sound over the constant rumble of thunder. He helped me up as well, but refused to let go even when I was steady on my feet. He just stood there looking at me and holding my arms. Slowly, his hands traveled up my shoulders, to my neck, and then to my face. He cupped both sides of my face and stared at me with those beautiful, coal-black eyes. It still made my heart flutter when he did that. He looked awfully handsome with his dripping wet shaggy hair sticking to his face, rain droplets on his skin, mud smeared on that flawless face of his, and that signature crooked grin.

"I've proved myself." I said finally. He raised a brow.

"What do you mean?" He asked, inching closer.

"I'm not a little princess that doesn't want to get wet." I said.

"You're my princess." He whispered, pulling me close to him. Butterflies exploded within me when he said that word. I longed for him to call me that for so long. My breathe caught in my throat and although I opened my mouth to say something, no words came out. I parted my lips and tried again, but still no luck. It didn't matter then though because he did something I would have never expected. As I opened my mouth to say something, he pulled me close and kissed me. My heart leaped in my chest and I suddenly grew extremely weak at the knees. I could hardly stand on my own two feet and I can't describe what was happening inside me. It wasn't like when Hunter kissed me. When Kade kissed me, I felt like the only girl in the entire world. If this was what love felt like then I never wanted it to stop. For once, if my life I was feeling and I liked it. I loved it. I loved him. There was no confusion on the matter anymore, I knew right then and there what love felt like. I knew I was head over heels in it as well. I didn't want to fight it, I wasn't scared. For once in my life, I felt safe. I felt protected. I felt like I had found my prince. Sudden a horn blared, and Kade pulled away from me quickly. His eyes were as wide as saucers, but I didn't follow his eyes to where his gaze lay because mine was set on him. When I looked at him he seemed to sparkle, he glew like an angel. In a way he was an angel... he was my angel. My heart seemed to leap into my throat and I had no words to say. I slowly tilted my head to the side and nearly had a stroke at what I saw.

Hunter was sprinting toward Kade with all his might. He had such a vicious look in his eyes as if he was ready to devour someone. Icy fear trickled down my spine and paralyzed me. Kade pushed me out of the way right in time. Hunter came leaping onto Kade like a tiger on it's prey before it tears it apart. His hands were clenched into tight fists as he raised his hand to strike Kade. I was absolutely horrified, but there was no way I could stop it.

"HUNTER, STOP!" I shrieked. He punched Kade right in the nose. Kade let out a shrill noise, like a puppy dog getting his tail ran over. Kade rolled over on top of Hunter and this cycle contained for quite some time, each feeling a dominance over the brief seconds they spent on top. They wallowed in the mud like swine, screaming, shrieking, and raising fist to pound one another. Kade got on top and struck Hunter a few times in the face. I screamed and fell to my knees, trying to tear the two of them apart.

"PLEASE, STOP!" I sobbed. Loud crashed of thunder sounded like clanging cymbals, drowning out my cries and making them sound like a hoarse whisper. Hunter shoved me away as I tried to pry them apart and I stumbled back, landing in the mud myself. I struggled to get back up and make a second attempt to rip them away from one another. They were buried in the mud and I couldn't quite see what was going on, but I did hear their cries of pain and grunts.

"HUNTER, HE'S HAD ENOUGH!" I wailed. I looked up at the sky. It was so dark that it almost looked black. It was as dark and heavy as this atmosphere right now. Kade popped up from out of the mud. He looked at me as if I had just committed some crime. He had blood smeared on his face, it ran down him along with the water. Hunter popped up as well with an equal amount of blood dripping from him. Kade retreated to his car. Hunter grabbed both my arms.

"Did he hurt you, babe?" Hunter asked. I ripped away from Hunter and ran toward his car. Kade peeled out of the narrow walkway and skidded down the road. I hopped into Hunter's car. He had left the keys in the ignition. I heard him screaming and me and commanding I come out, but I wasn't listening. I had one ambition and one ambition only... to not let Kade go. I had let so many people walk out of my life... I just couldn't let him slip through my fingertips. I looked back and saw Hunter helplessly standing there in the rain. He looked like a lonely, hurt, confused puppy dog. Part of me, felt bad. It was wrong to steal his car. I had to do it though. There was no way I was letting fall right through my hands. I couldn't let my prince go. I booked it going dozens and dozens of miles over the speed limit. If I got pulled over, my excuse would be I did it for love... that seemed like a valid one anyway. Kade continued rolling down the road at an unfathomable speed. Maybe he'd get pulled over... I could catch him then. Then, I saw something that saved my day. The light in front of us, turned red. He was forced to stop the car. He slammed on his breaks. I swerved into the lane beside him, cutting the car next to me off. A stream of unkind words seemed to be flowing from her mouth. I screeched to a stop beside Kade. I rolled my window down. He didn't even seem to see me. I leaned out of my car and tapped on his window. He looked over at me and jumped in surprise. He looked hesitantly at me then back at the light. He slowly inched toward the passenger seat and with great reluctance rolled his window down. He leaned out of the car and so did I. He put his hand to the back of my head, pulling me close and kissed me once more. It felt so right with his lips on mine.

As the rained poured down on our heads, it felt like a magic moment. I put my hand on the back of his head as well, running my fingers through his slightly spiked, wet, ruffled, dark hair. I didn't want to let go. I didn't want this moment to end. I felt like it I let him go now, I'd loose him forever. My heart skipped a beat and fluttered inside my chest again. It was a feeling I enjoyed more than anything. It was a feeling I had only ever experienced with Kade. A feeling I had been fighting all along. I felt like a jolt of electricity had just been shot through my entire body. I never wanted to stop feeling this way. I felt as if I were flying or floating on a cloud. I traced his deformed collar bone lightly. Kade pulled back from me suddenly.

"We can't go on." He whispered. I felt my heart had leaped into my throat after that kiss, and I could hardly speak.

"Wh-what?" I stammered.

"Sam, I'm gonna get kicked out of the band and so are you. It's over. We're gonna have to go our on separate ways. Listen, I love you, but we can't go on like this. It's not right." He said. My hand still rest of the back of his head stuck in his wet, slightly spiked, jet black hair. He removed my hand and held my wrist. He looked at the "Forever" bracelet Hunter had given me months ago. I hadn't taken it off since. He ran his finger gently over the engraved word, then looked at me solemnly.

"This isn't right, Sam. Face it, we've been sneaking around and that's wrong. We just can't do this anymore. I can't." Kade said.

"Kade, no! If we get kicked out we can be together. Please-" The light turned green right then.

"I have to go. Good-bye, Sam." He said. With that, he slid into the driver's seat and drove away. I reached for his car. It brushed my fingertips as he drove away. I tried to grip the bumper as if that would make him stay, but my grip was far too weak. I watched with blurry vision as his convertible faded into nothing, but a speck. I could hardly see through my tears anyway. That kiss he gave me... that magic kiss, who would have ever though it would be our last?

"Your broke your promise..." I whispered softly. Horns blared at me and the people behind me were screaming at me that the light was green. I could hardly even hear the threats being hurled at me though. I didn't even care. The one thing I actually cared about had driven off, never to be called mine again... if he ever even was mine to begin with. I pulled over to the side of the road, much to the delight of the cars behind me. I honestly had never been in so much mental pain before. It was this stinging empty sensation within me. I drove numbly back to the hotel. The thought crossed my mind that Hunter didn't have a ride home. I knew I should give him his car back. He was probably sitting alone in the rain still. I knew what I had done was wrong, but I just couldn't deal with right now.

I parked the car, pulling the keys out of the ignition, and lugged myself to the elevator. I felt like a lifeless zombie. I couldn't even take in anything happening around me. The world seemed like a hazy blur. The feeling I got so long ago of being unloved returned. Now it was true though. I was unloved by Kade and now by Hunter as well. Nobody loved me. It was as if I was right back to square one again. I let my mind drift to the hospital when Kade announced he was in love with me. Was it real? Was he only caught up in the moment? I didn't say it back then because I was scared. I was cared of rejection. It was my ultimate fear. Now, here I stood... facing my ultimate fear. It was so much worse than I possibly imagined it being. When I saw all these movies of girls falling in love then having a traumatic heartbreak, I always thought of how that would never be me. I thought of how I wouldn't fall in love in the first place, I thought of how I'd never take that risk. But here I was falling like a fool before I even knew it. I was just like those girls in those Rom-coms left broken and alone... again.

I had slid Hunter's car keys under his door so he'd have them tomorrow. For the first time in a long time, I cried myself to sleep. It had been a very long time since I'd last done that. As a matter of fact, the last few months here had been pretty wonderful and lacked tears of any sort. But tonight... tonight I let it all out. I didn't want anyone to hear me or see me like this. I woke up the next morning with a very sore throat and complete exhaustion. I rolled over in my bed and tossed a pillow over my head to hide from the sunlight streaming through my window. I didn't want the sun to shine so brightly today. Why would it be so glorious when I was so miserable. There was a light knock at my door. I wasn't in the mood to speak to anyone right now.

"GET OUT!" I shrieked as I heaved a pillow at the door.

"It's Kade." A voice said weakly. I wiped my eyes quickly. I didn't want him to get the idea that I cared at all. That was usually the impression I gave to everyone... that I just didn't care. I didn't care about anyone or anything. I looked at my puffy, swollen, red, gritty eyes in the mirror. I jogged to the bathroom and washed my face with cold water. I pulled my hair up nicely and forced a smile on my lips. I no longer looked like a miserable heartbroken girl. I looked like... me.

"Sam?" I heard him say through the door.

"I'm really busy. What do you want?" I said, refusing to let him in. He knocked again.

"Please let me in. I want to talk to you." Kade pleaded.

"I said I'm busy." I snapped. There was a long pause and I waited beside the door as a wall of silence jutted between us.

"Are you okay?" He asked finally.

"Why wouldn't I be?" I asked in reply.

"I heard you crying last night. I don't ever wanna be the reason you cry." Kade said, softly. I could hear his lips were probably pressed closely to the door so I could hear his soft whispers.

"I'd never cry over you. I just hurt myself... I-I was looking for a band-aid." I lied.

"Let me be your band-aid... let me bandage you." He whispered.

"I don't need you." I scoffed.

"I didn't say you did. I just wanna talk to you." He said. I didn't respond. I just stood there frozen on the other side of the door. I hesitantly grabbed the knob then slowly with much resistance, twisted it and opened the door a crack. I saw his dark eyes flicker with pleasure through the small crack. He push on the door and it swung wide open. I tried to keep my hand firmly on it to show I was only comfortable with the amount the door was opened at the moment, but I wasn't strong enough.

"Hey..." He said softly. I didn't respond.

"Look, I think I owe it to you to tell you this." Kade said.

"Tell me what?" I asked, without much interest.

"I'm leaving tomorrow." Kade blurted out. I felt my heart drop to my knees.

I choked on my own spit a little bit.

"What do you mean?" I sputtered.

"I've been kicked out of the band for fighting Hunter. They already booked my flight home tomorrow." Kade replied. I felt the world grow a little hazy. I gripped the door frame. I thought that I just might pass out. My words were stuck in my throat. Though my mouth move no words came from it.

"Where will you go?" I croaked.

"I don't really know. I'm sure I'll figure something out." Kade said with a shrug. I shook my head.

"How? How can he do this?" I questioned.

"It actually wasn't his choice. It's true he doesn't like me much, but management was the one who made the ultimate decision. I'm really lucky actually, I should probably do time for it, but they said they'd drop all charges if I was out of here by tomorrow. I'm thankful really." Kade replied. I was trying to maintain my cool. I wasn't about to let him think that I cared he was leaving.

"That's just too bad." I said with a shrug. He looked at me dead in the eyes with his tongue in his cheek.

"Yeah... it is." He said.

"What about me?" I asked, selfishly.

"What do you mean?" He questioned back.

"Where will I go?" I inquired.

"I guess you'll stay here. Hunter seems to think the whole thing was my fault. I told him I was the one who kissed you so you're allowed to stay." Kade replied.

"I can't stay here... it would be dishonest." I replied.

"Well, it's your choice." Kade said with a shrug.

"Then again, they can't kick me out for one little mistake." I said cockily.

"That's what they're doing to me." Kade fired back. There was a linger silence before Kade took a step closer to me and looked at me. I felt I would melt under the strong light of his gaze. I tried to break eye contact, but I remained hypnotized.

"Was it a mistake, Sam? Do you regret it?" He whispered. If anyone heard us we were both dead. We were in enough trouble already.

"I don't guess it really matter now, does it? You're leaving tomorrow... that's that, end of story." I replied coldly. Kade nodded slowly, he looked as if he'd just been slapped in the face. He slowly stumbled backward toward his room without breaking my gaze. He shoved his hands deep in his front pockets.

"Well, then, I guess you're right. You really don't need me. Good-bye, Samantha Baker. I wish you and Hunter the best." With that, he turned and slammed his door. I stood there paralyzed by my own stupidity. I didn't mean what I had said, I just wanted to look strong. I wanted to be a warrior. That's what I always had been anyway. I didn't know love was a completely different battlefield from what I was used to.

We had rehearsals that night, but Kade didn't show up. Connie said she was scheduling a meeting later on that night for all of us. All the boys would be there, Kelly, Connie, even the creepy management man. I wasn't in the mood for a meeting and even considered skipping, but the "invitation" Connie gave me was more of a command. I knew I'd better not miss it. Kade was of course, uninvited as well. We stood in a dark room with dull white walls that were peeling paint like crazy. I looked down at the splintery table in front of me. The atmosphere all around was very stiff and uncomfortable.

"Sam, this meeting today has been called together because of you." Connie said, getting in front of everyone.

"Me?" I squeaked. Connie nodded.

"Your behavior this past month has been completely and utterly inappropriate. I think you've forgotten how incredibly blessed you are to have landed this job. I hope you know this is a highly coveted position." Connie said sternly. I could feel my cheeks warm as I felt everyone's eyes burning holes into me.

"Now, as you may have been informed Kade will be taking a flight home tomorrow. If you'd like you may join him... or you can get your act together and stay here. It is absolutely your choice. I hope you know this job is a privilege... one that can be provoked extremely quickly." Connie said giving me a filthy look. I didn't nod or respond whatsoever. I just stared at her.

"Samantha, what will it?" She asked. Everyone turned to face me. It was by far the most awkward position I'd ever been put in.

"I'll do better." I half muttered. Connie clasped her hands together happily.

"Good, so we're all in agreement?" She said. I starred at the table, trying my best not to make any eye contact with anyone in this room. Hunter caught my eye briefly and then looked away just as quickly. I couldn't quite read the look he gave me, but it kind of looked like a painful one. I could still feel my cheeks burning as I got up and scurried out of the room. Hunter jogged to catch up with me. I couldn't believe he was walking beside me... after all I'd done to him. I do the guy's car and left him all alone in the rain. I kissed another boy right in front of him... but now he was running to catch up with me?

"Hey." He said. I didn't say anything back. I didn't know what to say. Was he going to bring up what I did last night?

"Do you need a ride back home?" He asked. I looked at him hesitantly. Was this a trap or something? Was he going to like kill me on the way there?

"I kind of do, but I'll get one from someone else. It's fine." I said quickly. I quickened my pace a little trying to run off, but he grabbed my wrist. I stopped cold at his touch. I turned around slowly.

"Sam, just get in my car. Please... I just need to talk to you." I nodded and walked silently to his car. He didn't bother to open the door for me this time. He was no long my little gentleman. I sat there quietly with my hands folded nicely as he started the car up. He didn't begin to speak until we had reached the highway.

"I saw your little documentary you filmed while getting a dressed last night... it was nice." He said softly. I nodded my gratitude.

"Did you mean it?" He asked.

"Did I mean what?" I inquired in response.

"Everything you said about me saving your life and how you loved me." Hunter said. I hesitated. Hunter sighed.

"I knew it." He muttered.

"I wouldn't have said it if I didn't mean it." I replied quickly.

"So you did?" He asked hopefully. I couldn't lie to his face. I may have meant it then, but I certainly didn't mean it now.

"Sam, I need to know... do you love me or not? You've done some pretty horrible things to me and a guy can only take so much. I mean... you stole my car... to run after some other guy. That's not exactly a romantic gesture." Hunter said. He was getting angry.

"I know." I replied calmly.

"You know? Well, why don't you ever do anything about it? Do you not see what you're doing to me? You're tearing me apart!" He spat.

"Hunter, I love him." I blurted out. All the anger left Hunter's face. Instead his entire body flushed a bright white color. He gripped the steering wheel, tightly. A single tear slid down his cheek.

"No, Hunter, please don't-"

"I knew it." He interrupted. His voice was nothing more than a hoarse whisper. He pulled the car over. Luckily, we were close to the hotel. I could scarcely believe the words that came from my mouth either.

"I knew this would happen. I could just feel it." Hunter squeaked.

"Knew what would happen?" I asked. He brushed angrily at his tears, but they wouldn't stop flowing.

"I knew I'd loose you. We can work this out, you know?" Hunter said. I shook my head.

"Hunter, it wouldn't be fair to you. You deserve better than me anyway." I stated.

"But after all I've done for us to be together. I went against management to be with you, ya know. I just... I thought I could change your mind." Hunter said. He looked at me with blood-shot eyes. A lump grew in my throat as I saw his tear-stained face. I gripped the sides of my seat so tightly that when I released it, marks still remained in the hard leather. This was a lot harder than I thought it was going to be.

"I know, Hunter. I just... don't feel it anymore. Do you only want to stay with me because the tabloids know we're together? Is all this just because you're gonna have to face the world and tell them "Hollywood's It Couple" broke up?" I questioned. He looked at with me complete utter, and pure disgust.

"Is this really what you think this is all about?" A strange look flickered in his eyes as he said this. It only lasted momentarily, but it kind of looked like hatred. I didn't want him to hate me. I didn't want to break him like Bailey had done. I was trying my best to be gentle.

"Sam, this isn't about the fame. This isn't about my fortune or career. For once in my life this was about me and what made me happy. The one thing that makes me happy is you... I just don't know how I can do this without you." He whispered. He looked at the floor to scared to face me.

"Will you? Please?" He begged. Again, he didn't look at me because he knew what my reply would be. I was stubborn and just wouldn't budge on most things. This was certainly no different.

"Hunter, I'm sorry." I whispered back. Hunter let his head fall back on his seat slowly. He took in a deep breathe.

"Sam, I loved you, you know. I loved you a lot.. certainly a whole lot more than you loved me. I knew that though. I knew that from the start." He said as he slowly turned to look at me. When he looked at me with those tear feared puppy dog eyes it almost broke me. I almost told him that I was wrong and wanted to be with him. But then I thought of the way I felt when Kade kissed me. I thought of how sparks exploded when he touched me.

"I know... thank-you for that. Thanks for loving me through my imperfections." I said softly.

"I love you because of your imperfections." He stated.

"Really? Is that the only reason? I questioned. He shook his head.

"I just don't know what it really was about you to be honest, Sam." Hunter said hoarsely.

"I do." I replied. He waited for me to continue.

"Good, tell me because I honestly don't know." Hunter said, brushing back the last of the tears.

"I think you thought you could make me fall in love with you. But I'm just a rebel, Hunter. I'm messed up and I'm not perfect like you. I just need a little more time with someone a little more like me." I replied.

"Is there anything I can say to make you stay?" He asked. I shook my head. His head fell and bit down hard on his lip to stop the tears. They come anyway though. He wasn't very good at containing his emotion.

"I'm sorry, Hunter... I really am. I hope one day you can understand." I said. He sighed.

"I'm sure I will, Sam. I'll tell you one thing, he's a lucky guy. He also much be something really special to be able to capture that difficult you have." Hunter said. I blushed and nodded.

"He is." I said softly. Hunter nodded, but I knew the words hurt.

"I could feel you slipping from the start, you know. I just didn't know what to do though. I thought it would get better." He said softly.

"There's nothing you could have done." I said gently. He nodded.

"Can I ask you something?" He said hesitantly.

"Sure, anything." I replied.

"Did you ever really love me? Or was this just all in my head?" He questioned. I shook my head. I remembered the fluttery sensation I woke up with in the morning when he had kissed me the night before. It was an amazing feeling. It was love.

"I-I... I did. I know I did. The moment I knew I felt nothing anymore was when we got off the bus to the hotel and all those fans were outside. I used to be so jealous whenever a girl so much as touched you, but then... I wasn't jealous. I was happy for them. I was happy for you. There was this girl there that even said to be careful because when I held you I was holding her world in my arms. That scared me. I don't wanna have someone's reason to live in my arms." I replied.

"Then... can you lie to me? Lie to me just one last time." He whispered. I looked him in the eyes.

"I love you." I whispered softly. He looked at me with compressed lips and angry tears, but nodded anyway. Silence filled the car for a few brief moments.

"Here." I said, handing him a slip of paper.

"What is this?" He asked, glancing at it.

"It's Leslie's number. You know, she really likes you. You didn't seem like you thought she was half bad either." I said, giving nudging him playfully.

"Oh, yeah I remember! _Someone_ was jealous." He said, playfully nudging me back.

"Yeah, you guys really hit it off. I saw the sparks there... everyone did. I think you're fine off without me." I said.

"I don't think so, but that's fine... I can change you know. I can become more like Kade if that's what you really want." Hunter offered.

"Hunter, you're wonderful. I don't want you to change. The world loves you, I love-" I stopped. He looked at me hopefully, but I couldn't finish the sentence.

"Now, stop. You're too pretty to beg." I said, patting his knee. He smiled.

"Good-bye, Sam." He said softly. I pecked him lightly on the cheek. He closed his eyes and seemed to be savoring the moment. He knew it was the last one he'd ever get from me. I opened the car door, but before I got out I looked back at him.

"You promise you'll call Leslie?" I asked.

"I promise." He said with a nod.

"She likes you a lot... I can tell." I stated.

"I'm flattered." He said, but the pain was clear in his tone.

"Thank-you... for everything. You've let me live my dream." I said. I shut the car door and started my walk toward the hotel. I had gotten a little ways when he pulled up beside me again.

"Even though you hurt me, I can't let you walk the whole way back. It's just not right." He said as he unlocked the doors.

"I'm fine, I like to walk." I said.

"Sam, I won't beg you. Please just get in the car." Hunter pleaded. I shrugged a little and slid into the seat. The ride back was extremely awkward and no talking went on except for the soft murmur of the radio. After what seemed like ages, we reached the hotel. I opened the door to slid out of there, but Hunter put his hand on my knee. I stopped cold.

"Don't let me go." He whispered.

"Hunter, I-" I began.

"Please." He interrupted. I didn't know quite what to say.

"I'm so tired of being so empty and alone. No one makes me feel the way you do. Please... you don't have to go." He whispered.

I could see both the tears start to form in his eyes so I cupped both sides of his face as he usually did to me.

"Listen to me, you are Hunter Thompson. You are strong and I admire you a whole lot. As a matter of fact, I wish I was more like you. Maybe one day this will work out again, but for now... right now, I need a little time. I need to be with someone that will influence me and change me for the better. You've changed me so much and I feel like you've watched me grow up these past few months, but that's the thing. Your time is over. You've showed me I can be the best and now I need someone who truly understands and can encourage me. Hunter, you're busy and I've been distracted you from your career. This is best for both us. You just need a little time alone to focus on what really matters... and that's your fans." I whispered. He nodded in agreement with me.

"Remember when you said you wanted to be looked at in that special way that all the other boy's girlfriends looked at them?" I asked. He nodded.

"I never looked at you that way, did I?" I questioned. He shook his head.

"No, but I thought I could make you." He whispered.

"That's the thing, Hunter. You just can't make someone love you. It takes a lot of time and a lot of hard work to be honest." I stated.

"I tried." He said softly.

"Love shouldn't be work." I protested.

"You're right. It shouldn't be." He mumbled.

"I think maybe you should go out and find someone who will look at you like that." I stated. He nodded, but still didn't look at me.

"Are you okay?" I asked. He nodded.

"Yeah... I'm fine." He assured.

"Here, maybe you should take this." I said, offering him the bracelet. I fumbled with the clasp, but he put his hand over mine and stopped me.

"No, you keep it." He said.

"I shouldn't really-" I protested.

"I want you to keep it to remember me by." He interrupted.

"Thanks, Hunter. Now don't forget to call her." I warned.

"I won't." He assured. I felt him watching me as I walked back into the hotel room.

It was over. I knew that there would be no getting back together or second chances. I was almost positive Hunter would find someone else to take my place, but my heart belonged to another as well. You pretty much got one chance with Hunter Thompson and for practically every girl in the world it was a very coveted chance. This chance had been granted to me and I had given it up for another man. I knew that this was the final good-bye and maybe he had come to the realization as well. Maybe that's why it hurt him so. Maybe that's why he begged me to stay. Because this was it. No turning back.

I didn't dare look back as I walked away. Right now, I was looking into my future and not back on my past. I wasn't going to let anyone or anything distract me. I walked right up to Kade's door and knocked firmly on it. When I did, I realized a sticky note attached to his door. I cocked my head to one side in curiosity then read the note in his neatly crafted hand writing.

To whom it may concern:

I caught an early flight and am headed out right about now. If you're reading this I'm probably already on the plane home. Thanks for the many years with this band. I'm grateful. -Kade

I knew that he had probably left that note there a few hours ago. It was probably too late by now, anyway. I felt like my entire world had just ended. I stood there frozen with absolutely no clue what to say or do. I literally felt my heart shatter within me. My stomach twisted and turned. I felt like I was going to be sick. I knew what I had to do.

"Forgive me, Hunter... forgive me one last time." I whispered. I flew down the stairs, bolted across the lobby, and darted to Hunter's car. He was still packing up and his keys were left in the car so he could listen to the radio while packing. Hunter ran out to the car.

"What are you doing?!" He cried.

"I'm so sorry, Hunter. But I have to do this... for love." I shouted back as I sped away. When I looked back, I saw him with a smile on his face. I expect him to be shouting, cursing, or waving his fist at me. But none of those things seemed to be happening. He looked like he was content and at peace. I could pretty much tell what was happening in that pretty little head of his. He knew that I had finally for once in my life found someone who had made me divinely happy. He wanted my happiness just as badly as I desired it for myself. Who would he be to take that happiness away from me anyway? He knew what I wanted and I knew it too.

I sped down the road at earth shattering speed. I broke practically every light and swerved in and out of lanes. The drivers beside me screamed and shook their fists at me, but I didn't even care. I had my eyes focused on one thing and one thing only... that was Kade. I pressed down harder on the pedal and was practically flooring it down the highway. Just then, I heard sirens behind me.

"You have got to be kidding me." I muttered. There was no way I was stopping... not now anyway. I jerked the wheel to the right, cutting multiple people off and making a quick break for the other lane.

I busted another red light. Now I was really in trouble. I heard a beeping noise and glance down. I was low on fuel. This was going to be interesting. I was in complete panic mode. The roar of the engine, the blaring sirens, and Kade's sweet voice all seemed to echo in my ears. I just wanted it all to stop. I shot a quick look at the sign beside me. It was only about a mile to the airport. I yanked on the steering wheel and swerve to the side of the road. I opened the door, jumped out, tucked and rolled, and hit the ground running. I didn't even wait for the car to stop. I could feel my arm bleeding, but I didn't care. I grabbed my bleeding shoulder and winced. I could see the blood through my white T-shirt. I found myself running through a wooded area. Tree branches hit my face and left painful scratches. I pushed on though until I got to the other side of the woods and found another highway. It was a four way line with cars going at every direction... it was jay walking time. I darted across the busy road with car horns blaring at me every which way. It was a miracle I wasn't road kill. I saw a little rundown apartment building with a small alley. I dashed into the alley and knelt beside the dumpster to catch my breathe.

"WHERE IS SHE?!" I heard an officer cry. How had they found me? These guys were good. I panicked and smooshed myself flat against the dumpster. The stench was awful. I heard quick footsteps coming nearer to the alley. I closed my eyes and braced myself for the worst. Suddenly, I saw an old lady emerge from an unseen door behind me. She gasped and dropped the bag of garbage that was in her hand when she saw me.

"I'm so sorry, ma'am! I can explain, you see I'm in love with this boy and his flight is taking off right now and-" I rambled. The lady grabbed my arm and dragged me inside. Before I knew it, she was lugging me up the fire escape and into a little room.

"Um, excuse me... but where are we?" I asked. She opened the curtain and light poured in. I covered my eyes from the brightness.

"We're at the highest point in Raleigh." She said. I went to the window and looked out. You could see practically the entire state from here.

"Wow..." I muttered.

"You see this apartment has been vacant for ages. Nobody will ever know you're here so there's no need to worry now... you're safe." The old lady said as she patted my arm.

"Couldn't you get arrested for being up here?" I questioned.

"I'm an old woman, what could they do with me anyway? I haven't got that many years left you know." She said wearily. I smiled.

"Why did you help me?" I asked.

"Because I know what's it's like to be in love. You see... that's why I come up here every day. This room right here was where my husband and I used to live. When we started out, we had no money when we started out so this apartment was like like a mansion to us." She said. I looked around. It certainly looked like no mansion.

"There are so many memories in this little old place. I can't stop myself from coming. But let me tell you... time goes by so quickly when you're with the one you love. So don't waste it... go. Go find your man." She said shooing me out the door. I glanced out the window to check for the cops. There were none in sight. The view was so beautiful that I was almost tempted to linger there and drink it in for a moment, but I knew I had to go.

"Thank-you so much! You saved my life!" I cried as I hustled out the door.

"And your love!" I heard her call before I was out of complete earshot. I couldn't wipe the smile off my face as I dashed down the stairs and sprinted down the road. Everything in my body ached. My side felt like it had been split, my legs felt like jelly, I couldn't breathe, my throat was as dry as dust, and my heart felt like a bolder in the middle of my chest. I keeled over in pain and gasped for breathe. I felt my blood throbbing in my head and pounding in my ears. I was dehydrated and had barely any water in my body. I felt lightheaded and dizzy. I started seeing little speckles of black. But then I thought of Kade's beautiful face and some how I mustered up the stamina to go on. It wasn't far now.

I saw the airport off in the distance and I thought it my mind must be playing tricks on me. I sprinted toward it even though my legs were burning and there was a stabbing pain in my chest. The sun was beating down on my head and my hair was damp with sweat. I rocketed over the steep hill and felt a burning sensation in my thighs and calves. I burst through those doors and found myself swimming in a sea of people. I pushed my way through the crowd, bouncing left and right to avoid running into anyone. I searched through every face I saw. None of them were the one I was hoping for. I spun in complete circles making a full scan of the area. Kade was nowhere to be found. I shoved my way to the front of the crowd and flopped on the counter. I barely had the strength to stand. Then... I saw him. I saw him standing there in line just about to set foot on the plane. My heart fluttered at the sight of him. Suddenly, I felt all this work had been worth it. I knew he might not want me though I was sweaty, my face was red, I probably smelled awful, and my hair was frizzy and windblown. I kind of looked like a hobo that had just crawled into the airport for shelter. He looked back slowly and hesitantly as if he was regretting his decision. Now was my chance.

"Kade!" I cried as I ran up to him. His eyes were wide as saucers and for a moment I wondered if I had made a mistake by coming here. I knew rejection would be more than I could take.

"Okay, I know you're probably gonna hate me and I'm sorry, but I just thought I'd try and stop you. I actually kind of did a lot to come here. I mean, I sped in my car, went in an old lady's apartment, ran two miles, and-" He interrupted me with a passionate kiss. I suddenly felt my knees go weak. It was hard for me to stand. My eyelids fluttered closed quickly. When he finally pulled away from me, I stared at him in surprise.

"I thought you'd be mad. I didn't mean a word I said, I'm sorry-" He interrupted me again with another kiss. If I could get kisses by talking I'd never shut up. Everyone around us was clapping now at this display of love. I blushed and looked behind me. We were in the front of a very long and crowded line. Usually, I'd hate the attention, but right now I loved it. Right now, I was with the one person I cared about more than anything.

"I knew you didn't mean it... to be honest, I was hoping you'd come back for me." Kade said, stroking my hair back. I grabbed self-consciously at my sweaty head.

"Sorry, it was quite the run up here." I stated.

"I think you're perfect no matter how you look. You're beautiful... wait, you ran for me?" He asked. I nodded.

"Wow, you must really be smitten." He said with a grin.

"I am." I whispered. He grinned again cheekily.

"I love your smile." I said softly.

"Good, because you are absolutely the reason for it." He replied. I smiled and looked at the ground. When my eyes met his again, they were full of anxiety.

"Kade... where will we go?" I asked.

"I don't really know to be honest. I've been kicked out of the band and I'm guessing you are as well." Kade said.

"Yeah, I dumped Hunter. I'm assuming he never wants to see my face again so... so much for touring with the world's biggest boy." I said with a shrug.

"Eh, it was fun while it lasting. Anyway... we can be together now." Kade said.

"Yeah... but what's next?" I questioned.

"I don't know, but I've been doing a little thinking. That one night at church sticks in my mind and I don't think I'll ever forget it. I was wondering if maybe we could start an orphanage and share the Gospel. We could be missionaries." Kade said. His eyes lit up when he talked about missions. I could tell he'd found a new passion.

"Oh, Kade! That would be wonderful. Just think of the lives we would touch." I squealed.

"Speaking of lives... why don't we start one of our own? I was thinking maybe when the times right we could settle down, get married, and start a family. Right now, money seems to sort of be an issue... but if everything goes as plan it won't for long." Kade said, cupping my face and looking me deeply in the eyes.

"When you were in the hospital, I realized how much I didn't wanna loose you. I've never been more scared in my life. I thought you were gone. Kade, I would love to spend the rest of my life with you." I admitted.

"And I'd love to spend mine with you. I love you, Sam." He said boldly.

"I love you too, Kade." I whispered back. He dipped me and kissed me, causing another roar of applause.

"I've been looking for you, princess." He whispered. Butterflies exploded in me when he called me princess... because I knew I had finally found my prince. I giggled like a little girl and at that moment I was changed. I knew I wasn't emotionless, unlovable, or number. I was loved, I was happy, I was free, and for one moment in my life I was with someone who made me feel like the most beautiful girl in the world.

So there I stood telling this story to my grandchild Sadie. By now, my entire family and all the attendants of the funeral had gathered around. I was surrounded by a wall of people. They were all sniffle, crying, and hugging one another. I had captivated their attention for the past two hours telling them Kade and I's story.

"So that's really how you and Grandpa met?" Sadie asked.

"Yes, Sadie it is." I replied. She jumped up and down giddily.

"Will I have a prince one day?" Sadie asked. I smiled down at her.

"One day, Sadie... but not too soon. I don't want you growing up and leaving me to fast." I said with a weary laugh.

"I want someone just like Grandpa Kade!" She cheered.

"That's a good idea." I said. I looked around at all the people crying from my story... our story. Everyone here had loved Kade just as much as I had. I could see from the tears in their eyes that he had touched and changed their lives as he had done mine.

I stayed by his grave far after everyone else had left. I just couldn't tear myself away from him. When I looked at that fresh spot in the ground I felt those familiar feelings that had warmed me for so long. I knew in my heart I'd stay seventeen forever... forever seventeen. And as I whispered his name into the wind I could almost hear him whisper in reply...

"Forever seventeen, Sam... forever seventeen."

