Inbar Fink here, and yep!
This is another Portal episode here on "The
Point Is".
Don't worry, this is gonna be an entirely
different topic than that last one.
So every so often, whenever the topic of video
game movies and why they suck comes up, someone
brings up the
option to make a movie out of Portal.
And on the surface, it makes tons of sense;
after all, the biggest reason why most video
game movies suck, is that Hollywood keeps
picking games that have pretty shitty or non-existent
plots -- and Portal is known for having a
great story!
Therefore, a movie based on that story would
be equally good!
It's simple logic!
Yeah... but... adaptations are not that simple.
By that logic, "The Last Airbender" shouldn't
exist, or " The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen"
movie, or a billion other shitty adaptations.
There are a lot of reasons for adaptations
going wrong, and a lot of the time it's not
a matter of the story being bad -- but the
story being too good!
If a work of fiction is truly excellent, it
probably has a story that fits like a glove
to its chosen medium, and if you try to take
that story to another medium -- you're basically
taking a glove and trying to use it as a sock.
There is a reason why there are so many failed
book adaptations: books, as a medium, are
incredibly different from movies -- in fact,
I'll say that the only medium more different
from movies would be... video games.
I'm not saying that a Portal Movie is impossible,
just that you can't just show a Let's Play
of the game on the big screen and call it
a day, like a lot of people seem to think.
Like, "The Hitchhiker's" movie, I already
mentioned before that it's my least favorite
adaptation ever and it's pretty much always
been that -- so much so, that when I was,
like, 13 I decided to write my own, proper
version of the story that would be 100% accurate
to the source material (in this case the book,
which wasn't really the source material, and
was also translated into Hebrew -- kinda badly,
actually.
But, hey, I was 13) and you know something?
As bad as "The Hitchhiker's" movie was, my
100% accurate, word for word, keep every joke
script would have been just as bad -- because
it just wouldn't have worked as a movie.
At the time, I refused to accept that some
changes are necessary when moving from one
medium to another, that's why it's called
Adaptation -- I say as I steal observations
from Charlie Kaufman.
And those necessary changes are what we're
talking about in this episode; let's pretend
I'm a Hollywood screenwriter who just got
the job of adapting "Portal" into a big blockbuster
film, what kind of changes would I make to
turn this great game into a good movie, while
still keeping as loyal to the game as possible?
First of all, let's go over what I would never
ever ever change about Portal:
KEEP THE ORIGINAL VOICE ACTORS.
THEY'RE WONDERFUL AND YOU'LL NEVER FIND A
BETTER VOICE FOR THESE CHARACTERS.
LIKE, I GUESS YOU COULD USE OTHER PEOPLE FOR
NOLAN NORTH CHARACTERS HE'S NOT THAT IMPOTRANT.
BUT THOSE THREE FUCKERS?
KEEP 'EM!
Now that we got that out of the way, what
are the big problems with Portal as a movie?
Well, for once, there's not much plot -- the
game's about 4 hours long, which might be
a ridiculous length for any movie that isn't
a Lord of the Rings Director's Cut -- but
is laughably short in terms of video games.
Most of our game time is spent solving portal
based tests -- which is a great source for
cool action scenes, but would get boring after
a while -- it's just go to a room, hear a
funny line from GLaDOS, solve a puzzle, maybe
find a cryptic clue about GLaDOS' plans, hear
another funny line from GLaDOS, again and
again until we get to Test Chamber 19 and
things start getting more interesting.
This is all great as a game, a lot of games
have stages -- but as a movie...
No, just no.
Condensing all of this crap into a proper
movie structure, we would be left with a plot
for a short film -- about 15 minutes, not
a full-length movie.
Secondly, as a protagonist for a movie, Chell's...
kinda bland- her only real trait is being
determined.
Which is fine for the game; she's a silent
protagonist, after all; she's given as little
characterization as possible to allow us,
the players, to project our own feelings into
her; When does Chell figure out GLaDOS is
planning to kill her?
Whenever you, the player, figure it out.
Is Chell afraid of GLaDOS?
Well are you?
Is Chell a badass serious stoic, a comedic
straight man or as wacky as everybody else?
That's for you to decide!
But for a movie, she'll have to be given some
more personality to help the audience sympathize
with her now that were not literally seeing
the world through her eyes.
In addition, unlike a lot of other silent
protagonists, the silence is part of her -- for
a lot of fans, the silence is a symbol of
her defiance of GLaDOS; she's not even gonna
give her the pleasure of hearing her voice.
So making Chell speak would make more people
angry then let's say... making Gordon Freeman
speak.
Okay so what could I do about these problems?
Well, the obvious solution to the "not enough
plot" problem would be to add a subplot about
Doug Rattman -- AKA the man who scribbled
"The Cake Is a Lie" all over everything.
He already has his own comic "Lab Rat" that
takes place during, and slightly after the
game -- so he, and the hallucination of his
Companion Cube, could probably handle a nice
lil' subplot (maybe an adaptation of Lab Rat?)
that would add some more meat to the movie.
Plus, he can talk.
We could also (possibly in addition to the
Doug Rattman bits) focus more on Chell's back-story,
which barely got referenced in the games -- but
could be used to give more sympathy, personality,
and, yeah, add more time to the movie.
Whether you use the back-story hinted at in
the games (that she was a child of an Aperture
employee who was captured during bring your
daughter to work day) or just invent a new
one, maybe she was just a random girl kidnapped
just the night before "Portal" happened, it
would still be very effective -- either revealing
it in a series of flashbacks, or just making
it a linear part of the story.
That kind of back-story could naturally set
up a decent (if a bit clichéd) character
arc of her starting out as a confused woman
or a traumatized little girl and BECOMING
the determined, silent badass we all know
and love -- which...might be in contrast with
what we know about her from "Lab Rat", but,
hey, we can work on that.
This might also be the only way we could have
Chell SPEAK in a story without betraying the
character -- she would only talk pre-character
development, and once she got serious about
the "Fuck You GLaDOS" agenda, she'd shut up.
Again, this is a very standard character arc
-- but hey, there are not many Hollywood moral
lessons to be taken from "Portal", maybe except
"don't trust evil supercomputers".
If we used the canon Portal back story, we
could also have a revenge element -- since
Chell's dad was most likely killed by GLaDOS
during the takeover -- but then again, maybe
that's too clichéd and over done.
I mean, she's already a tiny human against
a big computer; we don't need revenge to be
on her side.
And maybe...maybe...man, playing Peter Jackson
is harder than I thought, is there any elements
from Portal 2-
OF COURSE, PORTAL 2!
While adapting Portal 2 would also require
some changes, you got to admit this game lends
itself to the big screen much more then its
predecessor; it has just enough plot to fit
into a full length movie, even with a few
twists and surprises in it, it has a lot of
epic set pieces that would look great on the
big screen and while Chell is still a silent
protagonist -- the two other main characters
get some really great character arcs that
could be used as a base for Chell's.
So... why don't we leave Portal 1 short and
sweet like it needs to be and make Portal
2 into "the Portal Movie"?
Why not make Portal 1 a subplot of or a short
movie that plays before the Half Life movie
and then make "Portal" a spinoff of that,
following the plot of Portal 2?
Why not make Portal 1 a prologue in its own
movie?
Why not just remove the sequel-y elements
in Portal 2, replace them with some stuff
from Portal 1 and release that as a single
film?
Well, mostly because that would mean the studio
gets one less movie to make money off, and
studios like money.
So what's the ultimate solution?
What's the one true answer for this brilliant
concept?
I don't really know!
I'm not trying to write an actual script for
a "Portal" movie, just to show you the kind
of changes that are needed in order to make
an adaptation work.
Because The Point Is that while everyone likes
a nice, loyal adaptation -- we all love to
see our favorite iconic scenes played on the
big screen, and we all get angry when they
needlessly change something, ruin a character
or completely miss the entire point of the
original -- it's important to remember that
there are ALWAYS changes you need to make,
some sewing is needed to make this wonderfully
fitting glove into a sock.
