 
i 4 you

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i 4 you

By Prakash Hegade

Smashwords Edition

Copyright 2020 Prakash Hegade

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This ebook is licensed for your personal enjoyment only. This ebook may not be re-sold or given away to other people. If you would like to share this book with another person, please ask them to download an additional copy for each recipient (It's free! Share the link instead of pdf). Please do not use the contents of this book without the author's permission and reference.

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For any query or questions kindly email: prakash.hegade@gmail.com

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**First Edition**

**ISBN:** 9780463185698

**March 2020**

**Dedication**

**I dedicate this ebook to 3 V's of my life:**

**Vinuta (wife), Viven and Vrushali (kids).**

Preface

With every sunrise, the sky winks to the earth and passes a complimenting 'Hello.' The radiance lightens the aura with green, brown, blue, colorful, and colorless. With this milieu, every living and non-living have their storylines set for the day. The possibility to earn the daily bread being the foremost objective, the time continuum also stages a social drama adding a variety of sentiments to the living. It is these little stories which speak dimensions and volumes, carry a message for the era to comprehend and conceptualize. Those stories living amongst us need to be told to the social order, formally or informally.

It's a professional personal thing. It's a thin thread of storyline that possibly happens in disguised form in every individual's life. It's about that smile which has won the battle and got featured on face suppressing the pain within. It's the silent cries that sync with the midnight clock ticks on weekends because life was too busy even to cry on weekdays.

It is the soreness that is left behind for being unable to make some decisions as it was difficult to weigh which one had more sacrifices. It's telling the little heart housed inside the big body that it's okay to cry. It's about being part of other's happiness while knowing that ship we own is sinking. It's about dreams, dreams that keep one going forward. It's the liberation of freedom and understanding it in the real sense.

Unconditional love like the one exhibited and wrapped by a toddler rarely blossoms in an adult. But when it does, it's a mania. That love ignites the mind structure and disturbs the food and water-conducting mechanism. Love, though has ample scribbled and scripted, still lights the lamp for many paths. It's about all the color wrapped complications gifted by love. With all that said and seen, life is more of a convoluted social romantic drama with chapters of experience sharing.

Our life story, while knitting with jargon's, only a twist at regular intervals can sort out those intricate interwoven complicates. "i 4 you" is one such life and love story. The periodic logical ends open new possibilities marking a break-point to the life decisions.

The 4 in 'i 4 you' stands as a symbol of many 4's like care, miss, hate, like, love, lust, etc. that influence life. On top of the pyramid is lust. The story is about:

  * Celebrating life when it is at hands reach

  * Embracing love in every possible means

  * Rejoicing over the little things in life

  * What it means when we say living life to fullest

  * The purest form of emotions

  * The importance of having surrounded by family, friends, and well-wishers

'i 4 you' is yet another love story, another life story, yet another story.

Part A

Niya's Adit
01. I Love You

I don't know why,

Why,

It's Love and heart!

I see through eyes,

I feel with skin,

I whiff with the nose,

I lick with tongue,

I heed with ears.

In love and romances,

I lose my senses.

Still,

Why is it love and heart?

My heart beats sturdy,

Loudly, impatiently,

When I say 'love' and when I demand,

Why is it heart?

Why is it heart?

Niya was a poet in the making and a recent graduate with a distinction in LOVE-101. She had given up on taking sides with the two schools of thoughts, whether to - 'rise' or 'fall' in love. She now had her theory that if rise, then grow high. If fall, then fall deep down. But in either way, there had to be a 'converge.' Most importantly, there had to be a 'stay' because that's where miracles happened.

"Why is the love red?" she wondered asking that to herself. Without trying to understand her apprehension, she stared intensely at the desktop screen. As her fingers moved on the mouse, her wacky mind went ape having no clue of what she was browsing.

"Who would it be who named the colors so?" she asked herself again. With no answers in need, she smiled at the red-colored ceramic photo frame positioned beside her computer. The photo frame had the picture of her favorite quote printed in red letters on a white flowery background that said –

"They come with stories; they come with feelings,

The best gifts ever.

They come."

In the last six months, her office desk had seen quite a lot of restorations. It had gone from lackluster touchwood smell to aroma of 'complex named' perfumes. Reorganizing and assembling the stuffed small teddy bears and clay models happened daily. There was no more dust accumulated office table phone. The wooden pen stand had gathered different colored pens which usually otherwise had a borrowed blue point pen. The trash bin below the table mostly had crumpled paper balls and paper coffee cups.

She grabbed a blue pen, then a white A4 sheet white paper and began to scribble. She drew little heart-shaped drawings at the corners of the paper which seemed to boogie in celebration. She stared at the pen and smiled as if at her best friend. She gaped through the window and smirked at the funny shaped clouds which she thought were trying to tell her something. While the lines were gathering the lust words, she lost herself into the hypothetical universe she had created, which only had one emotion – Love.

***

"Niya?? You stinky ass, what's wrong with you lately?"

"Nothing Sana!" uttering that in a stumpy voice, Niya grabbed the paper she was scribbling and crumpled it into her hands.

Niya was 'rain on a dark cloudy day' confident that Sana was not going to let her go any easy. In fact, 'No easy let go' was the reason why they both had turned out to be supportive colleagues. They were colleague turned friends, and friends turned BFF's.

Sana snatched the paper from Niya's hands and started reading it aloud.

Like I said, like you heard,

Like I wanted, like you are.

My likes and dislikes,

Are your dislikes and likes,

Union is bigger,

Intersection is slender,

Likes of types and materials,

Dislikes of people and nature,

I disagree your dislikes,

You disagree my likes,

One thing you have liked,

Of my likes,

Is me liking you!

And that is why,

I Love

"Okay, I see what you did there! You need the word 'You' to complete this poem," said Sana with a husky voice.

Niya wore a quirky smile, and she muchly wished for an invisibility cloak. She knew her secret would no longer be one anymore.

"So, who is this 'You'?" Sana persisted, "And when do you plan to say it?"

"Wwwaaeeeelll," Niya dragged that word like a sloth and continued "Well, Well, Well...."

"Jump into that Well! It's quite deep already" alleged Sana.

Niya laughed with a shy and said, "Now, don't tell me that you are unaware of my fairy-tale!"

"I know my babes," Sana half closed her eyes, "It is you and Adit. My concern is why so much madness all of a sudden? You were normal until past recent times!"

Niya knew she had to do it sometime or the other.

"I got engaged!" she whispered.

"You bitch!" Sana kicked her, "And this is when and how you decide to tell your best friend? I want to kick you harder!" She did just that.

Sana sighed "While I am still trying to understand my three-year-old relationship, you got engaged with a guy you have known for six months? A long-distance relationship? And why am I only hearing about it now?"

Niya; staying composed and calm; knew that she had some explanations for doing. Trying to answer as many, she said, "I know, and it's sensibly okay for you to be mad at me. Listen; I was unaware that I was going to be engaged. It came out as a surprise to me as well!"

With the increasing impatience, Sana said, "Oh! Now you think I am going to buy this bat shit cover-up story? Really? You ghost! You son of a gun! I so much hate you!" with weird expressions, she pulled a chair and sat in front of Niya and said, "Ask me not how much!"

Sana kept her hands on her forehead with 'I hate you' expression on the face and said, "Okay! My lady, tell me. I am all ears and nose and eyes and face. I hope you and your butterfly story will convince me. Else you are going to pay for it."

Niya took a deep breath and restlessly explained how she got engaged and how her world had changed for the predictable better good. Sana was in tears. She hugged Niya tightly and expressed, "You lucky ass!"

While Niya had a fast heartbeat recollecting her treasured moments, her eyes fell on the photo frame. This time, the quote on the frame made sense to her differently. She could vividly recollect the hug from Adit, as well the hug from Ish soon after ring exchange. The soothing and comforting hug from Sana stood equal to that. No wonder the best gifts, hugs - in this case, came with feelings and stories. They both smiled at each other with the sense of 'I get you. Totally.'

"Then, did you get laid?" winked Sana.

"Shut up!" said Niya with a loud exhale.

Sana then called out for her gang, the remaining nine of them and announced, "Niya is engaged, and you got to listen to her."

There was a noisy discussion in the room. Simultaneous talks were creating noise. There was a decent deal of quirky questions, and the room sounded flea market. Sana, being the loudest of all made them shut their mouth, take a chair, and settle. Murthy asked to order tea while it got peacefully rejected.

With the same curiosity and interest, Niya repeated her story and how it turned out to be a huge surprise to her. Again, Sana was in tears. The team was in overloaded happiness. Hugging and congratulating, the next instant expression and request from all were – 'Treat!'

* * *

Niya was hopping in blue and red. Blue was for Adit, and Red was for her. Yes. She was not in pink. She was red. Blush was her new color; the rush was her new profession. Niya and Adit were frantically falling in love with each other.

Niya was office sweetheart and known for her perseverance. But post engagement, she was 'on the whole' in a new planet. It was a planet of her precincts. Most of the times, many most of the times, she was not even conscious of what she was doing. She was lagging at work, and the warning from her manager not meant a thing. She was deaf ears to complaints because her invisible boundary blocked a lot of stuff announcing them unwanted. Any charges or telling-off were just a bunch of hollow words. People around were clueless about what had happened to her.

She had not revealed to anyone at the office that she was engaged. Niya had no reason on why she was hiding it from the colleagues and even from her close friends at work. Not wearing an engagement ring during the office hours also had no reason what so ever.

Adit used to work in Pune. He had shifted to Pune after two years of work experience at Bangalore. He was introduced to Niya by a friend and then the later time had revealed 'friendship and more' between them. Traveling from Pune to Bangalore to meet Niya was his recently acquired favorite hobby.

* * *

Giving no ears to Niya on any concerns, Saturday lunch was the treat, agreed, and added to the calendar. Niya conveyed the message to Adit immediately about the lunch that had got introduced in their weekend plan. There was a sweet small fight on why the treat was agreed, especially the weekend of first Adit's visit post engagement. A puppy faced sorry selfie from Niya closed the fight. He asked her to purchase a new dress and a pairing shirt for him.

Niya merrily spent her after office hours in shopping with Sana, accompanied by girl talks and teases. Being too tired Niya hit the bed early and called the day off. Adit took the early morning flight, and by 8.00am he was at Niya's.

***

Adit wore a dark blue shirt with regular jeans. The clean shave gave him a gentleman look. Off-course it was Niya who had selected him the shirt as he had few impressions to make. Niya was in a light blue, long, one-piece skirt. She was a thaw!

The gloomy days of the past,

The frozen feelings of the time,

Girl, you are the thaw.

The promising days of present,

The caring like of divine,

Girl, you are the thaw.

The shining days of the future,

The rising emotions of glory,

Girl, you are the thaw.

With only a missing red carpet, Adit received celebrity attention. Niya was missing all the pampering that generally she used to get. 'How cute!', 'Pretty Dimple', were not the ones expressed to Niya anymore. The team of twelve, who had assembled for lunch, occupied a long table. Niya and Adit were made to sit at two opposite corners like the head of the family. They did not want either of them to talk something in secret. If anything, they wanted it to be loud.

Questions fired at Adit. Everything expected and pretty much the engagement FAQ materials. They had got the version of the engagement surprise story from Niya; then, they also expected to be heard from Adit. Adit made a quicker version of it without beating around the bush which still gathered some 'awww's' from the group.

He thought of her,

She looked at him.

She blinked her eyes,

He nodded his head.

He took a deep breath,

She gave a naughty smile.

She made a cute face,

He moved his lips.

He unhurriedly winked,

She had cheeks red.

A silent love message,

A real wireless connection.

'Love' is the router; there was a wireless connection between Niya and Adit. As the love messages mutely transported across the table, Niya was turning blush pinkish-red.

The loud gags spread across the hall with an assortment of adult jokes. For the first time in a team lunch like that, no one complained about the food. The desserts got ordered, and they were made to sit together for the surprise cake cut. Adit seized all the opportunities under the table.

Post lunch, post thanks and greetings, Adit and Niya took an auto to the nearest movie hall. They took the tickets being least bothered about the movie genre. The one on the big screen hardly mattered as their mind was rolling out a different story. All they wanted was to sit together in the dark and enjoy each other's presence. Single large popcorn and a cold drink did the job of bringing them closer appealingly well.

He wanted to kiss her but did not know how and when to make a move. She wanted to be kissed but did not know how to signal that to him. It was a 'Mysterious Kiss' deadlock situation.

After the movie they had dinner in Chinese and home was the destination next.
02. I Lust You

The home appeared remarkably welcoming as it wholly supported the privacy factor. The closure had comfort. After a quick 'hi-hello' talk with folks, Niya went to her room and Adit followed. While in her room, lights turned on, sitting on the bed,

"So?"

"So So!"

"I will get back to my room then!"

"Yeah. I need to change."

"Into what?"

"You know. Into Human!"

"eh?"

They were clearing lacking with conversational words. Though mind yelled a handful of thoughts, mouth filtered most of it, it got tongue-tied, and all that reached out was head nods and eye blink gestures. With all the failed expectations of Niya asking him to stay back, Adit unwillingly moved back to his room. While Niya hit the shower, Adit washed his face and put on his nightwear.

****

It was their routine sit-together television time. Pretty much every day ended with talks in front of the television. When Niya came out, Adit was already on the sofa with head resting on his mother's lap. His father was on his favorite darkish brown lean back chair which no one else was allowed to sit when he was around. Niya occupied a chair while they all greeted each other with smiles.

After regular aye-nay talks, yawns, Adit's parents decided to call the day off. Adit's mother looking at him said, "I hear the wedding bells sometime soon. You both are NOT permitted to get any crazy" after a pause; she added, "Adit, I hope you understand what I mean!" and walked out.

'No permissions' had only amplified the urge. Niya rushed back to her room with shy. Adit had zero clues that his mom would say something like that. It was already awkward for him to talk to Niya, and now he was dumbstruck. He switched off the TV while he heard Niya's room door slam.

As he was taking tortoise steps towards his room, he could feel ghostly energy pulling him towards Niya's room. His room felt like a dull dark dungeon. Washing his face in front of the mirror for a crazy number of times was not helping him in clearing his thoughts. He sprayed some perfume to the walls, mirror, arms, chest, pants, and underwear straightaway headed to Niya's room.

Adit looked around only to find Niya not being there.

I am disturbed,

Complicatedly, Unsurprisingly,

I am disturbed.

Where are you, Niya,

Where? Are? You?

Behind the brownish old door,

I search for you and more,

The door, old and alone,

Where are you, Niya?

The bed seems unaccompanied,

The sky blue sheets and pillows,

Now they all call for the warmth,

Where are you, Niya?

The windows and the curtains,

While hide and seek the air,

I see you nowhere,

Where are you, Niya?

The walls, lamps, and things,

The fully occupied room,

Occupied and still so empty,

Where are you, Niya?

The feeble sound of running tap water assured him that she was in the bathroom. Adit sat on the bed, rubbing his hands against each other, making weird monkey faces and actions looking at the mirror. He had his eyes glued to the bathroom door, waiting for it to open.

He could hear Niya singing something, not sure what, but something romantic. His imaginations were going untamed, and the wait was getting loner and untidier. He was waiting for his first kiss.

As soon as he witnessed the silence inside the bathroom, he rushed towards the door. The plan was to kiss. No plan B. Come what so many ever, kiss.

As Niya stepped out, he grabbed with her hips, pulled her closer, and gently pressed his lips against hers. He was not kissing yet. It was just the lip touch. He knew it was a bad idea to take away what had touched and was not confident enough for any of the next action. He held her tight, closer, moved his hands, and placed them on her shoulders. The lips were still intact, and Niya had closed her eyes. While allowing one hand to remain on the shoulder, he moved other on her hips and pressed it gently.

He moved his lips and kissed her forehead. He then kissed her nose tip. He licked her cheeks, both the sides and then again pressed his lips against hers. This time it was not just the press. He gently moved his tongue over her lips and licked them. He then slowly gave a bite to her upper lips and sucked it and ditto to lower. That still did not feel complete. He moved his tongue inside and did it the French way. Adit had seen them in the videos, but no pleasure could beat this experience of having one. Niya was in sheer gratification, eyes still closed, just as perfect, as she expected it to be.

Adit and Niya had their first kiss.

Words lost,

World Lost,

Lips touched,

Tongues danced,

Security breached,

The first kiss!

There was selfishness that had occupied the room. It was moments of lip lock, lip suck, tongue, tooth, and mouth. Saliva played the game of mouth to mouth. Deep breath broke the dead silence, and desires grew to a deep sea. The heartbeats were racing, beating faster and sturdy. The closed eyes were painting each other, within and without.

"Do you have it?" asked Niya, flouting the moment.

"Have what?" were the quick words that came out of Adit, though in seconds he had realized what Niya was asking for. After a moment of silence, he continued, "I wish I had one."

"Not without that!" exclaimed Niya.

He wasn't sure of further conversations and actions. He stood still in front of Niya with a grave sorry face. It was a continuous loop of dead air, dead thoughts, and near deceased wants. His mind was clear as mud. Adit, with knotty ideas, left the room with comical smiles.

With the expression of hurdles in his pants, he felt the thoughts of a complicated maze. His thoughts were running, no direction or sign of where! Meanwhile, Niya's head was playing the game of 'should I go and talk to him' or 'should I hit the bed.' The easiest option she could pick was to retake the shower. The geyser lights turned red, and she picked up her semi-wet towel.

Adit could not stop himself from thinking of all the pleasurable moments he would have had if he had the rubber. It was 11 something pm. He started browsing on his phone for the nearest medical shop. He found a closed one at about half a kilometer and uttered 'Fuck', loud. The hope for the moment rested at that medical shop, which was about three kilometers away.

He uttered 'Fuck' again. Multiple times.

No bike,  
Can't walk,

No cab,  
No other friends around.  
Most importantly,

No plans to give up!

Adit was in a fix. Lying on the bed and assembling the situation did not seem like a workable solution.

"Should I ask dad? If he has one?" he questioned himself. He certainly had no courage, and it would be reckless; he thought. He grabbed his wallet and rushed outside like a thief leaving behind no clues of escapade. He was confident about finding some way out on the road. He did not forget to curse himself for not buying it while he was already outside for the whole day or someday well in advance.

The horny mind had made its way. While he initially started walking with giant and furious steps covering almost a quarter a kilometer, he noticed a bike coming his way. It seemed like a lucky day as the guy agreed to drop him at the medical shop as Adit had managed to tell him it was a medical urgency. While he counted every passing second, minutes later, he stood at the counter of the medical shop.

Like it happens to many most guys while buying the first condom, he was a little nervous. He had a dry throat with a shivering tone.

"Yes, Sir. What do you want?"

"I need," and he continued in a shallow voice, "Conds."

"Sorry, Sir!??"

"Condoms!" he said in a shaky voice, increasing his tone.

The shop keeper smiled. He asked again, "Single or a pack?"

"Single, hmmm... no, a pack. A pack will do."

"Which flavor?"

Gosh! So many questions! Why does he not pick one, hand over and take the money? Thinking that, Adit said, "Any will do!"

The shop keeper kept a few packs on the table, marking a gesture of making a choice. The first pack that caught the attention was the chocolate flavor. He also looked at the dotted. He picked up a box to see the expiry date and scanned over corners. The words were tiny, and the picture on the box was intimidating. He grabbed two and said he would buy both: one chocolate and one dotted. For the two boxes he got, he justified himself that extra packs would motivate him to travel Bangalore often.

The shop keeper packed the boxes with an old newspaper and wrapped with the rubber band around. It was small enough to fit inside Adit's pant pockets. He paid the money and hurried to hunt for auto service. In two minutes of rapid search, he got one and took a ride way back home. Ten minutes, he was entering back home like a curious thief.

Adit had the most extended thirty so minutes ever. He quickly washed his face, sprayed more perfume, and rushed to her room. There were texts from Niya asking his whereabouts. He peeped inside her room and not finding her there; he rushed to the balcony. With no signs of her in the gallery as well, he hurried back to the room.

"Ahh! Bathroom again!" he exclaimed. He kept the condom packs on the bed and sat beside waiting for Niya. It was a déjà vu moment. There was stillness; latch creaked as it moved to unlock the door, Niya stepped out, Adit rushed. He hugged her and started to kiss, but only this time with passion and madness. The thirty so minutes had elevated the vigor and ignited the obsession. The infatuation was a full house.

While kissing, he pointed his finger towards the condoms kept on the bed. Niya blinked twice making the gesture of agreement. This kiss felt better. It was a kiss of freedom flagging a go-ahead. Adit was biting her lips, not so gently, leaving behind teeth marks and Niya was in no mood to complain.

Adit squeezed her as tight as he could. While he threw away his shirt in a hurry, she brushed his head hairs not so tenderly. The breath was creating the hum of lust, adding the melody to the kiss. He carried Niya to the bed and made her sleep. He jumped beside and kissed her fingers by holding her right hand tightly. He then kissed her forehead.

He looked deep into her eyes and said, "Niya, I lust you."

Niya smiled and nodded her head. She bit her lips in agreement and said, "I lust you too!"

Adit smiled and said, "I love you!"

Niya chuckled and said, "Thank you."

Adit kissed her on the lips again and said, "I love you."

Niya smiled again and said, "I think" after a pause, she added, "I guess, thank you."

Adit pushed her nose with his and smiled.

Adit switched off the lights leaving behind a dim light turned on. The room was mildly bright, gentle sounds heard. The clothes were on the floor, and the room had an aura like never before. In plodding progress of the timeline, two souls were one. Adit in the dark picked a random pack of condom. Minutes later room smelled chocolate.

An hour later, they were sleeping on each other — two dirty people on one messy bed. Not for the first time, they had the feeling of oneness, one of its kinds. For the first time, they had the feeling of oneness, of a different kind.

The following Monday at the office, Sana's first expression to Niya was,

"Dude! You had sex!"
03. I Miss You

Then there comes the days of our lives where it's not just about work, family, or routine chores. The entirety of the life orbits around one thing, maybe only one, and that one thing is the one which heart seeks to keep very close. When it's not, even the ones that are present appear to be missing.

It was still the Tuesday evening, Niya had come back from office, and the only thing she managed to do was to look intently at her engagement ring. She moved to the kitchen to ask if Adit's mother needed any help and instead started expressing her dilemma of missing Adit.

"Mom, I miss Adit."

"Oh, he is here!"

"What? Did he return? Did he miss me too? Is he in the room? Is he sleeping? Is he out? Where? Where is he?"

"Oh My god. Calm down"

"You tell me he is here and you tell me THAT? To calm down?"

"He is in the paper. He is in words."

"What kind of joke is this now?"

"Adit has left you a letter!"

"Wait, MOMM! You tell me this now? After two days?"

"He asked me to give it to you if you ever talk about him or express that you were missing him."

Adit's mom held a red envelope amidst her fingers, which she pulled out from one of the wooden drawers which also contained the spoons.

With no second thoughts or words, Niya snatched the envelope, rushed to her room, jumped on the bed, took out the letter and started reading it.

My Love Niya,

I started loving you from day two I met you, and at times I feel bad about missing this feeling on day one. From the first meet to second meet with 'why this girl,' then many other followed with 'I love this girl,' you have been mine. I feel like every of our meet is like the first time, and there is so much more to unveil and explore about you.

I want to hug you tight, like a trap, like there is no escape, keep myself warm and smell like you. My hugs are those lustful actions, the ones proposing about how much I am into you and my obsession in your love. I very much know that I am hungry about you, and I will always have that hunger.

My love has been in the form of sweat, in the form of burning heat, in the form of heavy breath, in the form of racing heart and whatnot. I want to become more of you, more connected to you, more you. You, whoever you are, you are possessed by me. Whatever be it, is my thing and me, whoever I will be, is selfish of you and greedy about you. Everything mixes up to me, you and us.

God cursed me to be a horny ass. He ascertained a path with you, and I want to fulfill all that exists. Yes, all that exists and more. I want to be you. I want to be me. I want to be you like you to be me. I want to hold you, hair tight and not let the position change until kissing lasts. I want to corner you against the wall, and push myself on you, glue us to the wall like it is one body overall.

I have this one question. Is there anything more supreme than love? For me, Love seems like a tiny thing to describe, and it appears to be part of something huge, unidentified, that I have on you.

There is a limitless thing that exists between you and me, yet to be named, yet to be defined and yet to be explored.

You know the words. Paint me. i 4 you.

Love,

Adit.

Niya read this twice, thrice, the fourth time and more. Every single time, she could not do without a tissue.
04. I Adit/Niya You

Love is yet another hello.

Love is in little care.

Love is madness.

Love is in affection.

Love is yet another glance.

Love is in wait.

Love is the sentiment.

Love is in silly texts.

Love is.

Love is in.

Love comes in little flavors. Adit and Niya had become a new kind of species dwelling in a livelihood of their own. Of the numerous things that love pinpointed, they had got them nailed on their love board.

Adit and Niya were in search of a definition of love. It had care, affection, concern, jealousy, madness, togetherness, and zillion other things. Most importantly, there was lust. Lust came with more lust.

Lust begets lust. Lust maybe could beget love.

Lust does not have a protocol.

It needs comfort and physical pleasures, and in that chaos, the heartbeats tend to sync.

Lust, carrying the tag of #OnlyToday might repeatedly call it every day, and that is when love digs down the root.

It was that period where getting physical seemed the purest form of love. It was either Adit traveling over the weekend or Niya. The primary reason for travel was sex. It was that madness which demanded the lip-lock and stayed so for the whole night. It was about the feel of body touch and kisses. It was about breathing the same air. Love for them was about the intense sex in the dark. It was about appreciating the different positions explained in the Kamasutra. Love was weekday's discussion about weekend sex.

Love was about the exchange of saliva. Love was about a passionate kiss. Love was about tight hugs. Love was about different ways of getting undressed. Love was about touching every corner of the bed, rolling on each other. Love was about feeling the tiredness in the morning and still longing for more. Love was about the need for intense sex and exploring what else can add more intimacy.

Love was exploring sexual desires. Love was sleeping with a horny mind everyday night and madly waiting for the weekend. Love was about watching porn. Love was about buying protection from a medical store. Love was about purchasing a pad during the periods. Love was to know about the size of every body part of others accurately.

They start from heart,

Spread out as smile.

They start from heart,

Eye out as wink.

Love Emotions, Are not meant to stay in!

They start from heart,

Make it beat faster.

They start from heart,

Build desires stronger.

Love Emotions, Are not meant to stay in!

They start from heart,

Turn cheeks red.

They start from heart,

Spread into arms.

Love Emotions, Are meant to spread out!

They start from heart,

Connect the other.

They start from heart,

Make a home for another.

Love Emotions, Are meant to spread out!

Love was about licks. Love was to know about the new ways of eating chocolates, ice-creams, honey, sugar, etc. other eatables. Love was about recognizing each other's unique body fragrance. Love was getting drenched in each other's sweat and still feeling good about it. Love was a happy feeling of dirtiness. Love was about taking a bath together for hours. Love was closeness. Love was sex. Love was more sex.

Love was fighting. Love was getting mad at each other for no reason. Love was competing against others because there was no goodnight text as one had fallen asleep from a tiring day of work. Love was about complaining about little things. Love was a misunderstanding over a silly thing even though positively knowing that it would never happen. Love was about little surprises gone wrong. Love was about fighting over the phone for stupid little things. Love was about being spiced up. Love was about having make-up sex at the weekend.

Love was about opening up and talking things that felt unnecessary. Those things like favorite color, food, dress, breakfast, fruits were known even without asking by mere observations. There was no room for pointless discussion, but there was for sex.

One of their chat conversations read so:

"Before you come to meet me next time, clean up. Those hairs under there are irritating."

"Yeah, yeah. I already did that the very next day!"

"Okay cool! Get a nice perfume. Should be mild and provoking."

"Trust me; I have been searching for one from months. Suggest if you have one in mind."

"I already purchased one! We shall try that next time!"

"I knew it! So why you were asking!"

"By the way, I have purchased some new inner wears. Hope I will look hot in them!"

"You will surely do without them!"

"Lol. Get lost. What I also mean is, I am bored of seeing you in those underwear. Buy some sexy ones. Amaze me!"

"Here it goes! Yes, madam. I will buy them tomorrow."

"Buy a white one too! Next time in the bathroom! Have seen a nice video and have sent you the link!"

"Will check before I sleep!"

"Love!"

"Heart!"

Between Adit and Niya, there was an unsaid real understanding. They had trust in each other, and it balanced in access. They were not a social media couple. If any update, it was on the level of understanding. Nothing to evaluate, discuss, debate, or compare for, it was instead something they mutually agreed and respected at. Likewise, they had grown common interests: Interest for food, movie, climate, seat at the bus, mobile apps, locations, work routines - to name a few.

They believed in each other.

They had understood that they were meant to be with each other and for each other.

Trust,

Reliance at stake, belief intake.

Upbeats the hope, duty no dope.

Serving the commits, faith that fits.

Truly be one, trust always won.

"Was that love?" They kept asking and assuring each other.

"Do you think it's the behavior and personality that is keeping us together?" When asked Niya, Adit used to say it was "sex" that was keeping them together. They were not able to discover and know the real reason why they were so much into each other. "I believe you" is all that mattered.

Part B

Mihita's Adit
05. I Know You

Mihita.

She knew her verses of life.

Keep this aside,

And look outside,

You are not moving on,

You are moving in,

Into.

In, to.

Mihita.

She used to pick her words carefully, meaning what she exactly wanted to convey. With time, it had become a fluent habit to her. Voicing her opinions out or keeping her mouth shut, she always picked the right one for the state of affairs. She knew precise ways of putting forward her thoughts at-need and as well managed to stay out of word wrestle issues. Cartoon Network was her favorite channel for she believed the unreal things there seemed more real than the ones aired in reality shows.

Mihita.

She was a firm believer of theory and principles coming from sociology. She had more considerable apprehensions for sociological theories and loved the classical premises derived from and about society. Understanding the society and its working dynamics was her hobby area of interest. She had shelved books from the authors like Adam Smith, Auguste Comte, Alexiz De Tocqueville, Karl Marx, Emile Durkheim, Max Weber, Norbert Elias, and many other classical writers. Auguste Comte being her favorite, one of her definition of fun, was relating science concepts with societal theories. Comte's 'positivism' with three stages: the theological stage, the metaphysical stage, and the positive stage were one of the reads that she recommended to anyone who asked.

Mihita.

She was workaholic. The code, logic, and programming made more sense to her than the no-sense family drama and discussions. She felt it drama because she had known people who had assumed, created, and rumored stories about her, which were nowhere close to what reality was.

*****

Though nothing irregular, Mihita had a hunch that the month ahead would be taxing, more than accustomed.

She was twiddling her thumbs for the interview result, which were expected to be declared anytime. It was her dream job, which at any/every cost she wanted to end up with. Meanwhile, she had another one lined up in two weeks. It was almost the same domain of her dream, and the decision was to attend this interview only if the first one resulted negative.

Also, in two weeks, the same day as her interview was scheduled; she had a presentation with her manager and the office team. It was a critical report presentation of a new research project and solely her responsibility. Based on her presentation, the project would be authorized, and Mihita would be allowed to head and start her new team. It was an excellent opportunity for her to separate from all the unwanted people at work and form a group of her own like-minded.

Meanwhile, her personal life had joined the rat race as well. They were equally complicated, and she could not just ignore as she did with many. If things progressed as planned, she would be engaged sometime soon and undeniably married in two months.

Mihita had a sense of urgency.

She had an intuition that she was not sane. Life to her was a mixed vegetable curry where she was not able to taste any of the vegetables properly. There was a rush in everything she did, and life seemed a non-deterministic machine. Her mind regularly honked "Mihita, what about 'that' work?" making her multitask, reducing her efficiency.

The following weekend she got engaged and as anticipated the marriage date was finalized to be in about two months. The hustles from professional and personal commitments were driving her uncertain. Of one thing she was sure of, was that her parents would have made the right choice of her life partner. She had trusted them more than she did herself and that being her eminence since childhood.

Her time table had now got an addition of one-hour telephonic conversation with 'Pixu.' Pixu was not his name. But she preferred to call him so. Pixu is what she had decided to call her better half, who was an imaginary floating person of her dreams, who had now taken shape, form, age, personality, and identity.

Pixu and Mihita used to end the conversation every day by discussing the following day's calendar. Not that they were interested in what other was doing, but it was to decide who will call the next day and at what time. With all those things happening, feeling not guilty about it, they both had found ample of compatible things which were already on board. They shared the freedom and not too much of engagement in one's routine. Or maybe it was just the initial phase or whatever reason to be named or stated, at the end of the day they found each other comfortable.

The daily chatter had revealed several exciting things. Mihita was happy to know that they both preferred the same flavored ice creams, anything other than vanilla, and sad that there would be competition henceforth. They had got to know about their favorite movies, which was anything other than teen drama. They both had signed a 'movie-war-treaty' whose objective was to exchange each other's hard disk and watch all the not seen ones. Pixu had shared his favorite dishes, and Mihita had asked him to learn to cook some dishes. Mihita had claimed that all his books would be hers after marriage and organizing the bookshelf would be solely her responsibility. They would have a dedicated room for books and eventually build their mini library. Pixu would have no opinion on categorizing the books, but there would be his higher hands at cleaning them. As compensation to that, Mihita had agreed to be 'player number two' while playing on video game consoles. Mihita indisputably appreciated her relationship with Pixu.

It was the 'D' day. With some unfinished personal works, led to arguments, unfulfilled duties; Mihita skipped her breakfast and reached office. As she started with her project presentation, her manager threw a black point on every slide presented. Manager asked to discontinue the presentation demanding a better one stating practical objectives. Mihita knew it was a lost cause with no mistake from her. It was this monstrous manager because of whom Mihita wanted a job change.

She had her lunch with much disappointment after receiving a mail stating the rejection of interview results. It was a dream job rejection. Mihita was soaking into a profound realm of thoughts. She gathered her hopes, for she had to show the confidence for the telephonic interview scheduled at 3.30pm. It took the interviewer forty-five minutes to say 'Good Luck' which had the tone of 'You Lost This.'

It was not the day Mihita had asked for. The feeling of 'gone astray' had occupied her in real sense. The office aura was making her feel no good. The chairs, tables, cubicles, whiteboards, the glasses, people walking around, everything else looked like unnecessary chaos. She rushed to the canteen.

She sat alone, wanting her distressing thoughts to disappear over a cup of chocolate. With every sip of hot chocolate, she prayed to God, asking to take away all the feelings of professional untidiness and make them disappear from her memory bank.

Then, it was her phone ringing. At first, she ignored. She ignored the second, third, and fourth too. The fifth time, she couldn't. It was her mother on the other side. She was crying. It took her a while to pass on the message that Pixu had met with an accident and was no more. It is then, Mihita was found unconscious lying on the canteen floor with hot chocolate spilled all over her. God had given her an unexpected way of forgetting professional failures.

She woke up in her room, expecting all of it to be a bad dream. It wasn't. Mihita cried like never before. Her whole body cried. While she cried in grief, unable to express even a word, for the moment to her was like the end of the world. She was not in a reasonable condition mentally, emotionally, physically, professionally, personally, and realistically.

She felt the flames were bursting from inside, creating anarchy of unheard howling cries. She felt her intellect had shattered, and the world to her looked hideous. All that had ceased from inside were diverging in different directions. She felt the water crying. Everything was tears. She felt like a half-carved statue, claiming to be complete, standing ugly with undefined shape. The meaning cried with a lost cause. Then, her tears decided to stay inside, finding inner more beautiful where they silently dried as the heart cried out in pain.

She knew she had to make herself strong. She had to stand and support others in being strong. She decided to join 'House Phoenix', making that her motif.

There was no magic,

It was just a tragic,

Stumbled over a hurdle,

Then it there repeats,

Deep it then sinks,

Plans to overwrite my existence,

But hey,

I hate to see myself so,

Impatient me!

My roots have been shaken,

Body shattered,

My boots have been lost,

Legs falling apart,

But I will stand still,

Bury my roots again,

Stand like never before,

I don't like lukewarm,

Impatient me!

Pathetic time was mine,

Body cries were nine,

Shivering over the nights,

Waiting for the bright,

My shoulders need me,

My will power calls me,

I am going to shine again,

Trust me,

I am Impatient!

In two weeks, there was Mihita Version 2.0. She had changed. She had to. Her books, music, and movies supported her at the much needed time. Ish, her one of the best friend, did help her with a positive influence.

The world around her had changed. Now the challenge was to see and search for the good in it.
06. I Part You

"Mihi, do you know what your aunt Lyna said?"

"I don't want to know mom!"

"She said..."

"I said I don't want to know!"

"She said you were a bad omen. Pixu died because of your bad fate."

"Mom! I knew someone would say something crazy like this. I am least bothered."

"And your aunt Rikki.."

"I don't want to know mom!"

"She said..."

"Stop it, mom!"

"No one else will marry you!"

"Mom!"

Mihita rushed back to her room, and she did not feel the necessity to console her crying mother. It was only ten minutes past she had decided to sit in the hall and watch some random TV program. People would rumor a thousand petty things, and there was no need to bring everything into the discussion. She had told her mother 'n' times not to bring such things into the conversation, and for the n-th time, her mother had happened to overlook it. Mihita had expected her parents to be relatively more supportive than to give ears to third-person gossips.

Including her younger brother, who was four years smaller than her, they all had their concerns, and none bothered to know how Mihita felt. Back then, the family was about celebrating every auspicious day, appreciating their culture, good food, and homely talks. It had now turned to a place of worry, and no one seemed to get over it.

The effects of events and unwanted discussions were piling up, leading to unnecessary decisions. Sending Mihita's brother to a foreign land to complete his studies as it would be even painful to get him married otherwise, as expressed by a far relative who had come to console the family was the lamest of all that Mihita had heard. Mihita had started ignoring her family, just like they ignored her opinions and expressions.

*****

Saturday morning, she decided to visit Pixu's parents. She felt the concern that they might need some talk and soup. It was possibly the right time to visit them though she was a little hesitant, not knowing how they would have taken the incident of losing their only son. Though her family insisted not to, she got the cab booked. They stayed at a place around twenty odd kilometers and would be an hour and a half journey with city traffic.

Mihita's cab journey was a new white cloud. She was trying to pick some words and sentences on what she would talk about and how she would put forth, but nothing seemed to make the final cut. With passing time, her possibilities of things that might have happened grew larger and larger and everything unanswerable.

I stand unwanted,

Undesired,

Unfaithful,

My thoughts Uncaring,

Me, Unable,

Every sort of Un,

I feel like,

The God of Un's,

And still Underrated!

She was there with a fruit basket.

The door was open, and they both were sitting on chairs placed opposite to each other. The floor had gathered dust. The windows were open and curtain disorganized. It seemed like there was mini twister inside the house swirling things up and leaving behind a lot of dust. Mihita stepped inside and looked at them.

Pixu's mother hurried towards Mihita, hugged her tightly and with a loud cry said, "We are sorry for what happened. We are. Really. Forget all this and get married to someone worthy of you. You deserve the best."

Mihita looking at her watery eyes said, "Let's talk that later. Today, it's about me and you and uncle."

She made both be seated and decided to make some juice. They both looked thin, pale, dull, and a lot wear and tear. She could not stop herself from feeling awkward about Pixu's parents being more supportive than her own. They had lost their only son but indeed not their mind. She chopped four apples, made smaller pieces, mixed with milk, sugar, few ice cubes, and whipped it. She poured them into three long glasses and sat along with them for the much-needed consultation.

Pixu's dad broke the silence saying, "Mihita, sorry, and we both mean it. We know no amount of sorry can set things right and but what else have we got?"

Mihita instead replied in harsh tone and exclaimed, "Stop saying sorry you both! You both have had the greatest loss. I am alive yet. I am sorry for you both instead. I don't know what I can do. But I am ready to do what I can. "

The dead silence had occupied the room. The three sat with 'I don't know, you say something' face.

Again, Pixu's dad killed the silence saying, "We are planning to sell this house. Join an orphanage and as well donate the money there in installments. We neither have any relatives around, nor are we interested in living with any. I am also planning to donate my pension amount to 'Old Day Care' charity."

Mihita had a splash of the enlightening moment. She immediately added, "No. You will not do that. I will stay here at your place. My office is nearby from here. I am going to stay with you all for weekdays and weekends I will go home. I don't know how long but let's say for quite long from now. That will keep me in peace from all the family and relative exertion."

Pixu's father was not ready for the arrangement. He did not want to ruin her life or cause any disturbance in her routine life events. As a responsible father, he was not ready to accept Mihita's choice. No reason could convince Mihita, and she was affirmative to stick to her decisions. She did.

*****

It took her four days and several fights to finally settle down at Pixu's home. Her parents argued, debated, screamed, cried, etc., and nothing could stop Mihita from changing her decision. That weekend, she had moved with the needed luggage and decided to carry the rest during forthcoming weekends. Meanwhile, her brother cleared his exams and opted for higher studies in Australia.

Pixu's home got positive changes in Mihita, which she desperately needed. There was no one to brag and cry about past issues. Though she insisted on offering her hands in household chores, she was hardly given to do any. She had become a perfect definition of a workaholic. She had stopped using all of the social networking sites. There were some of her unwanted friends who were posting pity and sympathy messages on her timeline. Mihita preferred to leave behind some likes and discuss nothing over the matter.

Mihita's plan of: 'weekdays at Pixu's and weekends at home,' was flawlessly working out. After three weekends, her parents had stopped convincing her to return. But Pixu's parents weren't fully settled yet even after three months. It was not easy to 'move on.' Though Mihita bestowed the utmost companionship she can, they still had this internal loneliness. After a lot of deliberations with Mihita, they decided to take an 'All India' tour. They believed visiting holy places might bring some fulfillment. It was a two-year plan. They handed over the property to Mihita and went on for a tour. Though they had said they might return in eight to nine months, the plan was to never. They wanted the last few years of their life in the name of holy places and God.

It was time for her brother to move to Australia. Mihita's parents, haunted and left alone, insisted her to return home. They suggested renting the place she was staying. Mihita had a 'Big No' as an answer, and instead, she rearranged Pixu's house according to her desires. There was now a library, her favorite photo frames, flower vases, wall hangings, and everything that shouted out it was Mihita's house.
07. I Work You

It wasn't sure if Mihita was doing the work or work was doing Mihita. Along with regularly assigned assignments, she was also working on her research project. Months turned years, and she was able to witness her professional growth. With two years of work experience, she had learned how to deal with the crowd. After reporting and presenting the calculated success at the research project, she was promised by the company that there would be a new employee assigned to work under her, but from three weeks it had remained a promise.

I see a dream,

With dreams in it.

I have a dream,

To live in it.

When dreams go real,

I would be then,

Truly real, truly me.

Mihita had her hopes rested on the research project. It was the first ray to 'house of light.'

*****

"Hello! I am Adit"

"Yes! Myself, Mihita. I am a little occupied. Can you be back in like ten minutes?"

"Okay. I will wait"

"Thanks"

Adit had a first look at his office. He had completed his four months training at a different location, and because of his research interests, he was assigned to work under "Mihita." His cabin was adjacent to Mihita's. Ten minutes passed quickly. The empty tea cup was still in his hand. He saw through the glass, Mihita sitting idle, looking towards the ceiling, leaning back on her chair.

"Can we?"

"Yes, come inside, Adit!"

"I am Adit!

"Like I said!"

"Sorry. That came out quick. I am assigned to work under you."

"Oh, you are that! Finally. Book a meeting hall which has a projector in it. There we discuss."

"Book a meeting hall?"

"Yes. Do you have your login credentials?"

"Yes"

"Login then. You will see the option. Send me an invite, and I will be there! Hope you will get that done immediately."

"I will do it."

"Okay."

"Okay."

"That's all. See you at the meeting."

"Oh, okay."

Mihita offered her first smile to Adit.

Although Adit was perplexed, he felt responsible. In two minutes of conversation, he had understood it was not going to be an easy expedition working with Mihita. That is what precisely the coming days offered. Mihita was difficult and intensive. She was a good coder, a geek, who had her ways of dealing with work and resources. Apart from mind and body exhausting 9.00 am to 5.00 pm works, Adit was also learning professional ethics. There was never a day he worked overtime or on weekends. There was never a day of unwanted gossip. Lunch, snacks, and tea hours never had a work-related discussion. He was transforming towards an ideal corporate employee. It took less than a month for Adit to adore Mihita as his role model. He appreciated and obeyed her principles. The best and most important of all was that Adit was learning.

With Adit in the team and dedicated work had shown significant progress in the research project. They both had burned a lot of calories working on this new prototype for more than six months. They complimented each other unswervingly benefiting to the work progress.

This time with no third-party intervention, the first design presentation had got them a good impression and applauds. It had also gathered a bunch of jealous people around. Those who were not happy with their progress had made stories of her and Adit and spread rumors of their relationships. Adit was concerned when he got to know about the gossips through his other colleagues. Mihita had asked him to ignore all such stories even without giving a pinch of thoughts to them. Adit then had started appreciating will power of Mihita.

It was Mihita who had expressed – "Filthy people gossip about failures or hatred for success. These mucky politics will make your brain shittier. If you think and care, you will be one of them tomorrow. You know what you are working on, and I know what I am up to. That is all that matters."

A week after the presentation, there was a turn of events. To claim the benefits and credits, the manager had added a few of his recommendations into the team. He had also gathered an on-spot award. A mail sent to Mihita and Adit read, "We congratulate you for the incredible achievement. Keep up the good work and goodwill. The manager will carry forward the project status of approval, resource allocation, team, and other details."

Mihita was not in a position to take any more work politics, and the project had made her realize her potential and capabilities. With no second thoughts, she submitted her resignation letter where the company had the policy of one month notice period.

That day, Adit cried in secret. He could not handle the fact that Mihita would be resigning. He knew there was a month more left, however, it left him sad like the last day and after. It was Mihita who had transformed him into a decent corporate professional, and he credited it to her with no obligations. He knew he would miss her, and the workplace would never be the same.

Mihita respected Adit. He was a curious learner. As most did, he never argued to decisions taken by Mihita. The only intention he had was to learn. Not that he ever expressed his views. In the meetings, they used to discuss and shares opinions, but final decisions were Mihita's. Adit used to listen to her advice, comprehend, analyze, and follow accordingly. Mihita had liked the modest and down to earth behavior of Adit. She had developed a little crush on him. If there was anything she was going to miss the company, then it was Adit. Being a professional, that would be the last thing she would do – expressing herself to Adit. She knew it would lead to unwanted discussions even amongst her close colleagues.

She also felt, maybe, it was just an infatuation as they both used to work together and used to see each other all day long. She had decided to tell it to Adit if the feelings remained the same even after she joined the new company. The office gossips was the other reason she kept that away.

That month turned out to be a special one. Adit and Mihita were finally sharing personal and non-work related things. They had started talking about movies, songs, food, hotels, cinemas, etc. Only that management's treatment towards Mihita had become worst and way impossible to deal.

On the last day of her service, she got a send-off from a small group of caring colleagues she had earned. Adit had got a cake. They had the cake cut followed by dinner. Her feelings for Adit had strengthened in the last few days. However, she did not dare to express. Like decided, she wanted to wait and see over time if the feelings remained the same.

Adit had promised he would keep in touch. He did. And that is where and when the things went wrong.

08. I Near You

Mihita fancied her new job. The workplace was within a mile of the old one. The profile was in-line with her previous work experiences, and she headed a team of ten. She continued to follow her simple principles at work. Given complete freedom and control, she administrated her whole group in a way she believed would work best. The team assembled at 8.30 am sharp. They used to work rigorously till 1.30 pm with no breaks then followed by lunch, meetings, discussions, and gossips where there was no compulsion to work. One was free to explore anything related or even go home if any important personal works. Mihita valued efforts, quality, and work completed rather than just the logged time hours.

Mihita missed Adit. Adit did not miss a single teeny-weeny opportunity to make a call and have conversations with Mihita. They used to bitch about every possible dust in the corner to keep the conversation going. They used to meet for evening coffees. They mostly used to gossip about the office staff and laugh at each other saying, "Ah, we old ladies!" The so-called professionalism standing between the two made one wait for another, to express that there was more than friendship, that there was love, perhaps, most likely.

Infatuation and attraction?

It was past that.

Care and missing?

It was mostly that.

Friendship and trust?

It was everything that.

Love?

It was maybe that. Maybe.

*****

One evening at the coffee house:

Mihita expressed, "Look, my parents are home alone. My brother's room has remained empty as he moved to Australia for his higher studies and settled up with a job there. Do you want to stay as a paying guest? My parents are looking for one, and it's been quite a long time now."

Adit with confusion asked "What? Where do you stay?" he paused and asked again, "What??"

Mihita calmly replied, "Oh, I only stay there on weekends! I am used to it and don't want to go back."

Adit with continued confusion asked "Whattt?? Come again??"

Adit had a strange realization that they were so close to each other and still had hardly known about personal things. He had this little feeling of shame that they were too much of work-o-phobic. Then, Adit trying to ask the same differently questioned, "Where do you stay?"

Mihita said, "Hmm... Look, I don't know how to say this. Most importantly, I did not want to revisit these things that happened in my life. But I am telling you because it's you."

Adit said, "I understand!"

Mihita continued, "Look, My fiancé died weeks after engagement!"

Adit remained in ghostly silence for a while. Mihita appeared to be pretty stable and told him the entire story without any hesitation. She then said, "Look, I don't want you to cry or feel sorry for me. I have moved on, and the past passed."

Adit could hear his heartbeat loud and feel the uneasiness that body and mind had. Mihita continued and said, "I have been staying at guy's parent's place. My parents need someone to come and stay over at home as a paying guest. They need company. You will get home food."

"Hey," said Adit "Don't you know I have my own home here at Bangalore? Bangalore is my native, born and brought up here."

"Sorry," said Mihita. "We never talked about our things this far. It feels strange. Okay. Tell me more."

Adit continued, "My father is a bank employee. He got transferred to Chennai last year. He is planning to take voluntary retirement next year. So for now, I am alone at home. But If I get food, I am ready to shift. Is it necessary that I have to pay? Can I be a free paying guest? I will do my best with groceries. I know it sounds weird. It does in my head too. But that is what it is. Weird. "

Mihita was happy. With no further thoughts, she said, "God bless you. Don't give any money. Just come and stay. All they need is a company and someone to complain about me. Trust me, nothing else. It might be a bit of torture to you, but it's okay. I know you would not mind."

Adit, with a loud laugh, said, "What?" expecting no answer.

Adit did not quite know why he had agreed to do this. He knew it was the feeling towards Mihita, but it was not something he could easily express to someone else. It was internal suffocation of happiness.

That evening, the conversation with his mother went this way –

"Mom, I am moving to a new place?"

"You got a change in job location? This early?"

"No, mom!"

"You got a better job opportunity?"

"No, mom!"

"You got some project assigned?"

"Mom! Listen."

"Okay. Listening."

"One of my friend's parents are alone at home. They need a company and someone to stay along. I will get home food, which I always complained to you. I will stay there until you and dad are back to Bangalore."

"Who is SHE? That friend?"

"Mom! How do you tell it's SHE? Could be HE!"

"No. I know its SHE. You won't tell the name?"

"Mom!"

"Will she stay with us later when we come back?"

"Mom! Listen."

"Okay. Listening."

"It's this friend called Mihita."

"Okay. I understand. You can stay. Send me a picture. I want to see!"

"Mom!"

"Okay. I will meet in my next visit to Bangalore."

"Mom!"

"Then bring her here!"

"Mom! Listen."

"Okay, Listening."

"She is just an office friend."

"Okay. Let's talk this later. I agree that you can stay. But on one condition."

"Tell me, mom."

"You will have to clean the home at least once a fortnight. Else it will get dirty and unusable later."

"I can do that."

"Two alternate Saturday's of the month, you clean. Agree?"

"Agree."

Adit, was housing Mihita.

While he was housing Mihita in himself, he was ready to house at Mihita's.

Part C

Who's Who
09. I Care You

There was nothing more comforting to Adit than Mihita's bedroom. He stayed there for a week. He was trying to forget her. He felt he could by being her. He wanted to subsume her into himself and make her part, living inside and within. He felt staying in her room would put her features into his body and soul. For the first time in his life, he believed in the supernatural.

He felt energy would flow into him, giving him the feeling of completeness. And Mihita would do it. He knew she was there. She was in the room and watching him. Though not explicitly expressed, he knew she would understand his love, and maybe she would have had the same feeling. It was known to both and not communicated. They both loved each other.

While he stayed there, he checked out her books collection. There were books classified and labeled into different categories. Each book had a tag. She had also kept a tag on the favorite pages of every book she read. Some books had none, and some had more than ten. There were little notes made with yellow-colored paper pieces and placed at appropriate pages. There were also a few pencils, and red pen underlined lines neatly done with a ruler.

On the table were the covers which appeared to have letters in it. Each of the covers had the title "The Hidden Truth of Open Life" and serially-numbered.

He took one of them, the one numbered one and started reading it.

Letter Number 01

Dear Truth,

Everyone is cruel. Everything also is.

I hate Adit as much as I hate my childhood. I hate my childhood as much as I hate my brother. I hate my brother as much as I hate my parents. There are no good ones in the world, isn't it? Everyone is cruel. All are. Maybe even you are. I see that earth is a gruesome place. Earth has no help. The earth finds no support. Earth demands help. It gives no help. It only takes. I find it tough to breathe here. It is suffocating. I find it stifling. What are we doing? We are living a meaningless life.

I don't work when I go to work!

Because the fun keeps calling all the time.

I don't eat when I sit to eat!

Because the food I eat is not food at all.

I don't walk when I go for a walk!

Because the worries of life eat it all.

I don't sleep when I go to sleep!

For the dream of earning kills it all.

I don't have fun while I am supposed to be!

Because I am sitting at my office, unfinished works all!

Why can't we enjoy the lyrics of life? Why can't we have a meaningful life? Isn't life an incredible quest?

A hope, a rise, a sunshine

This life, a prize, divine

Do love, live and forgive

Be loved, give, and believe

Ever shy, act wise and be nice

Cry, Rejoice and sacrifice

We get, forget, goes on

Easiest, toughest, don't let down

Say; what you do

And do what you said

Quest, request, respect

Life just goes on perfect!

They sent me to boarding school when I was little. I was only in 5th standard. They said it was for my good and I would learn useful things. They hardly came to meet me. In holidays they used to send me to grand father's home. I don't know why it was not like that for my brother. He had all the luxury of staying home or doing whatever he likes. My father always wanted a son. He did not want a daughter and neither my mother. They were all the same. I had no hopes left on human life. They all are just cruel. Everything also is.

Adit was not sure if everything written down in the letter was authentic. He felt disconnected. He wasn't sure if there was something to be understood between the lines. He thought Mihita loved him, and now he wasn't sure. It was suffocating to read a long hate message starting with 'I hate Adit' and ending with 'I hate everything else.' He felt he was the reason and longed to know more.

He pulled out another letter from the cover and started reading it.

Letter Number 02

Dear Ugly Human,

One should never forget the values. We need them throughout our life. The more we value our life and the people around us, the more we get valued.

If you know it,

You should know it well.

If you know it well,

You should use it wisely.

The know is,

Kindness has more of it,

Care has most of it,

Attention has all of it,

For ignorance, minds none.

It's the little one.

It's not the costly one.

It's definitely the respect,

It's definitely not the mock.

It will add life to your living,

It will add a smile in your laugh,

It is looking for white in the gray

It comes with time and goes with time.

Remember, "Value" comes to you the way;

In the way, you are ready to receive!

My world has a crack in it, and it does not look complete. The crack has been so ruthless that it can never be repaired again. My parents ignored me in my childhood. They never celebrated my win. They never celebrated my achievements. I wonder why even getting an A+ from my brother called for a celebration. He indeed received more care. Neither were my teachers kind to me. Primary or high school, everything was the same – hell.

I remember my parents getting presents on my brother's birthday. I did not even know my birthday until high school. After that, they only gave me all the used and leftover presents gifted to my brother, packed in new covers. And look at my fate! I have been born on February 29. I get to celebrate my birthday once in four years. I don't even know if that is true. What if it was a strategy to celebrate my birthday once in four years? Cruel, isn't it?

Adit still could not believe what he had read. Neither mind nor the heart agreed to accept them. He pulled out another and started reading it.

Letter Number 03

Dear Cruel World,

In a meeting uncalled,

There were members uninvited,

Swirling up things,

Making up twigs,

And tangled twists.

Unwanted members,

Unwanted discussions,

Washes the brain,

Drains the vein,

Leaving messed up the lane.

Like my head sticks a 'wanted' poster,

And a satisfying reward,

They rush in with speed,

Position some seed,

Which is only a weed.

You came in uninvited,

You will go away the same,

Get away from me,

I will set you all free,

Go; hunt a new home!

Till I stepped into my college life, I never bothered on unwanted growth glitters. Only after that, I started to understand what was happening around me. Once I knew, I could not ignore. I had to smoke to exhaust out all my pressure. I used to drink on weekends. That gave me relief. At least when I was drunk, I used to stay happy. Life was good at those times.

I had few friends. Adit was one of my friends, and Ish was another. I had thought they are my good friends, they will help me, but they were not. They turned out to be wicked wolves. I knew Ish for a long time. He used to act pleasant and sweet and pretend to be kind. He had a mask of kind heart, and he could not keep that for long. I am sure he did all that to have me in bed. He did everything for that. He was not a good guy. I melted for him. I had feelings, but he crushed it. After we slept together, he stopped talking to me. He started ignoring. He never cared about my concerns. At first, he used to say he is busy, and then he was always busy. Then I understood that all he did was to get me, and after he had, he hardly cared. He wanted my body. Not my heart. Not me. He had a temporary attraction. It was lust. He used me.

Adit knew Ish. Closely. He was sure with all his heart that Ish would never do such loathing things. But why would Mihita mention that? Did it happen? Was she mentally tortured? Does Ish have another face covered with a mask, as Mihita expressed? Adit wasn't sure. He picked up another one. It had only one paragraph.

Letter Number 04

Dear God,

You need to know the truth.

Pixu used to care for me. My parents got to know that he had a lot of money. They never wished to see me happy. They got him murdered. It was after few weeks of my engagement. What do I do? I drink. I drink to forget things as they show in movies. I drown myself in alcohol. I wonder how it works in movies. It did nothing to me. Then, the only option I felt I had was to stay with Pixu's parents. When I finally found peace with Pixu's parents, in two months they went missing. I don't know what my mother and father did to them. Even till date, no one has a clue of what happened to them.

Adit was set back with thoughts. Was it all this trouble that had killed Mihita? Was she hiding things from him or others because they were her own family and friends? He wanted to report to the police. He would not let go anyone easy who were responsible for Mihita's death. Be her parents or Ish. He felt she was hiding reality from him. Was she?

He picked up another letter.

Letter Number 05

Dear Adit,

Things were getting ugly. I joined work and started concentrating on my work. I was doing well at my job. I used all my energy there at work so that I could at least excel in my professional life. My personal life was doomed. I could have made at least a good career. And you did not let that happen. Why?

After Adit walked into the office, I used to think I had made a good friend. We both were assigned the same project. We were working on a new project model. If it were successful, it would fetch our company a lot of new projects. I was promised to be head of this new division. Then with time and efforts, we finished the model, and it was perfect. Everyone liked it, and our customers were happy. We had also attracted more customers. That is where Adit played his game. He passed on all the unwanted messages to higher authorities and made me look devil in front of higher-ups. He used to bitch about me. He played politics.

As a result, they fired me, and he was made the head of the project. Well, the best part was I did not know anything about this. I cried. I felt bad. I got a new job in one week. Still, I used to meet Adit in my free time. We used to meet in the evenings. We used to discuss things. He acted so well. Gosh, he should have joined acting. He would have been very famous. If I had not known of this from my other friends, I would have trusted him. Not anymore.

One Saturday night, he stayed at my place. We got drunk. We were in the same bed. I knew things had happened. But I was not unhappy because I had thought Adit would propose me one beautiful day. But by morning when I woke up, he was not in bed. He had left a letter. He said he did this all to get me into bed. He mentioned it was him who had got me fired. He said he had a great night and thanked me for that. He also said never to contact back again. I took a lot of sleeping tablets. He had come to see me. It made no sense to me. My life was only getting worse. To give it all the rest, today I end it. I am the reason for my suicide — no one to be blamed. My life was a tragic drama, and I end it with my own will - no one to be blamed. I was a fool and let me be one. I am happy that I trusted people, and all they did was to betray me. Here I go and happily end my life, which has no meaning to it. I feel I am into peace and happiness finally.

*****

Adit stood still. He had that enlightening moment. Adit knew it was not her doing the talking.

10. I Lose You

Mihita felt vexed. Clouds of bewilderment were hovering over her imaginations. Being a curious and a deep philosophical analyzer, she was trying to gain knowledge from it. It seemed rather profound, unable to reach the bottom of it.

Her brain was giving her a multiple-choice question.

Is it Yes or No?

Option A. Yes

Option B. No

Option C. Yes comes first

Option D. No comes first

For anything, she picked, 'go back to question' was an appended thought. Her senses were lying to her. But her emotions weren't. Something wasn't right. Her senses were showing her a different path from what her emotions were pointing at. Dizzy, that's how she felt. She had this feeling of sitting alone at her favorite restaurant and having a pizza, which was her best friend's favorite.

Afternoon presentation cleared the air. It came out as a shock to Mihita's colleagues when all of a sudden, a very healthy colleague got hospitalized for no known reason. They discussed several possibilities, but none could come up with a better basis for one to collapse in the middle of a presentation. The only thing they all could agree upon was 'work stresses.' But was it?

The Doctor had a story, nothing as expected by anyone. She was in critical condition, and no medicine would work. Neither would any miracle change her fate. Mihita had a few months left in her quota. Possibly. Maybe a year in the best case. But soon, Mihita would not be able to walk or think as she did now. Doctor recommended staying home for the next labeled days.

Mihita, while she sleeps on the bed with eyes open, the only vision she had was of the color white. Everything was clean, and the room smelled great. With a grin, she was talking to herself. "Oh, dear God, at first you made me go gaga and confused over yes and no, and I did not even know what it was for! Now you throw a more significant challenge between life and death, and you give me four options yet again.

Option A. Die

Option B. Live sometime and die anyway

Option C. Just die

Option D. Time flies, die

What am I supposed to do with it? I don't know why my character was put into life role-play."

The nurse walked in, and Mihita shot a question at her. "Nurse, is the doctor crazy?" The nurse took a moment and said, "Oh, for the love of God, he must be! Many say that!" she continued, "You are free to take a walk. You are in bed from almost 30 hours". Mihita got up slowly from the bed and walked outside. Standing outside were her parents and Adit, baffled.

Mihita's mother, eyes red, was still crying. Her father looked like a zombie. It was evident that Adit had not slept since her admittance. Her colleagues, family, and friends everyone had left after the doctor had announced Mihita's status. Mihita could vaguely remember about the doctor saying that she would die soon, though not exactly the words, she was going unconscious with the interpreted thoughts. Her confusion was now apparent. The death to her was near and known.

The death stood beside.

Adit, with a shaky voice looking at her, said, "I can't believe you have only a few months left!"

Mihita was then affirmative that all this was not a dream. It was for real that she was going to die.

"I mean, how? How is it even possible? Can such a thing happen, or do they even exist? All of a sudden at random? With no hint or clue, do people suddenly die this way?" were the constant questions in Adit's mind. He could not help himself to settle with any negative thoughts. He still believed there would be something that would work. Something must. Something has to. We are not in stone-age.

He cried to the doctor for more information. He got the knowledge of the expert doctors and researchers who had worked on the disease. He hoped there was a cure. The doctor had expressed in grief that of all the cases they had, every one of them had ended with death. The hospital also had an expert doctor who had specialized and researched for nearly twenty long years on the disease. It was his statement that said, "As I see, have seen, which I am trying to change, but, death it is!"

Adit dropped an email of family emergency and took a month loss-of-pay leave. He spent a week meeting other expert doctors and gathering more information about the disease. He contacted every family and friend known to him. After a week's hospital treatment, Mihita was discharged and was back home.

After a week's effort, Adit had realized that he was waiting and expecting for something which he was then assured would never happen. Adit had finally started crying. It was too long already he kept himself strong, and he could not be anymore. He could not lie to himself any longer that Mihita had the tiniest possibility to survive.

It took two weeks of check-ups for Mihita's discharge. Adit had moved all her stuff from Pixu's house to her room. He had got it painted with multi-colors. The room had some new flower vases and bright wall hangings. There were new showpieces and a few paintings. Adit had made some abstract paintings for her. It was only then Mihita had known that Adit was an excellent painter. She could see Adit's sorrow through the arts. They all had an onward agenda to make her happy and hidden agenda conveying his mourning. The room was giving the aura of celebration. It was only the room which celebrated, but for Mihita, it was the celebration of death, and it was not pleasing.

Mihita shouted at Adit, "Tell me. What do I have? What is that disease? How will I die? Why will I die?"
11. I Fail You

Schizophrenia

Mihita Had Schizophrenia.

It is intriguing mental mayhem where patients fail to discriminate between fantasy and reality. Schizophrenia is a constant and severe cerebral disorder that affects how a person thinks, feels, and behaves. In medicine, Schizophrenia is considered as one of the most puzzling diseases, and there are no practical medical tests available for diagnosis.

The symptoms are generally very disabling. They typically include delusions, hallucinations, and non-coherence of speech and thoughts. The sufferer loses the ability to recognize the real-world people. They seem like they have lost contact with reality.

Symptoms of schizophrenia usually start between ages 16 and 30. In rare cases, children have schizophrenia too. There is no specific recovery mechanism and mostly is an on-going process as long as the patient survives.

The disease affects the patients in a positive, negative, and cognitive way.

*****

For Mihita, the start of the disease was not traceable. As she lived alone, the after office hours were known only to the walls. Maybe it was there for a long time. Perhaps, it strengthened after Pixu's death. Maybe it was professional life pressure. Maybe it was depression. Maybe it was the stay alone that had effected. Maybe it was a combined and cumulative effect of everything. There were many things to take a guess. She took her last breath after four months.

Adit did not know which one to opt between, "If he wanted to remember her forever or if he wanted never to forget her." Adit wanted to run away somewhere far, somewhere unknown where thoughts of Mihita would not reach him.

I wanted to run away,

Into the woods,

Where selfish don't sing,

Greedy doesn't sell,

Unkind don't serve,

Wicked doesn't exist,

Where only the bells ring,

Swings of melody,

Jingles of care,

Tunes of Love.

I wanted to run away.

Now my love is gone,

Where should I run away?

Where?

From what?

Adit was not himself.
12. I Need You

About the letters, Adit knew it was not her. It was her disease. Had she committed suicide, the letters would necessarily bring troubles. Mihita was living in a world of doubts. She had lost trust in everything. She was living in self-pity. The questions remained as is to Adit as there was no one to answer on why she would write such letters. He burned all the read and remaining letters considering that was the safest decision to make.

With good,

Things can change.

With things,

Time can spring.

With time,

Good's can bite the dust.

13. I Lost You

Neither the weather reports had it nor anyone had guessed it, at around afternoon 2.30 pm, it started raining.

Abandoned - That's how the street looked. There was no one on the road and almost every house had door locked either from inside or out. While many were out for work, the remaining were mostly taking a nap, post-lunch. Adit, who was all dressed up to go out, now stood outside the door with keys in his hands and mostly confused on if he has to get back inside or head outside in the heavy rain.

He had this feeling that if it were bound to happen, then everything around would have supported for the event. He had agreed because his friends wanted him to. Everything about and every act of nature signed him a bad omen.

Mihita's parents shifted to Australia to stay together with their son. The house was now under Adit's responsibility. Adit sat on the chair in the verandah. He kept looking at the rainwater hitting the ground, splashing the mud. He saw some of the tiny flower plants washed off in the rain waters. He sat there, helplessly. He did not want to step out in the rain and pull out the plants that were washing away. He sat there on the chair, physically present and mentally in the world of Mihita. Mihita, whom he had felt was the one. In the Adit's misplaced world of no thoughts,

They wander while we wonder,

They freeze while we free,

They sink while we blank,

They fly while we hold.

They surprise while we calm,

They hurt while we move-on,

They gather while we scatter,

They undo while we do.

They are unknown,

They are omnipresent,

They do what we don't ask for,

The one, the thoughts.

Adit had started hating his thoughts. They weren't pleasant lately. They were unjust and unwillingly got tears.

He stepped out in the rain and started walking furiously. He was crying his eyes out. He was crying his heart out. If it was not the rain and if people were outside, the entire street would have heard his howling sounds. His eyes had turned red, running nose and legs falling apart. He was blank. He had blacked out. The darkness was taking home. His heart was getting heavier.

Adit was shouting standing in the middle of the road, with all the voice he had, "I Love You Mihita!! I Love You!" The voice kept fading as he repeated the lines again and again. He had bright eyes and a glow like never before.

With no proper sight in the heavy rains, a car hit Adit. The car driver was kind enough to take him to the hospital. There were severe damages. By the time his friends had reached, he was in the operation theatre.

His friends sat there with anxiety. He was supposed to be present at the marriage register office for his wedding where all his friends waited. It was on his request a simple register office wedding planned. The wedding was supposed to happen at 3.30 pm.

Instead at 3.30 pm, the garlands which were supposed to mean the symbol of love exchange were now standing as a metaphor of something else, possibly and hopefully not.

It had rained. But the sky was not clear yet.

Part D

Ish's Eye
Before We Meet Ish

Stories.

Fiction, real, illustrations they send,

Plots, incidents, literature's blend,

Listen or read,

Generations breed,

Some of them never end.

Stories aid, stories heard, stories move across places and time. Some go lost, some treasured, some in the air waiting to be heard. This one will random around and connect the dots.

Ish, got to be heard, for he has a story, not his, not ours, not any ones.

This is about five friends, who were there for each other, who celebrated together and most importantly, cried for each other. Ish, who stayed in Hubli, was the connecting point between the five.

Secondly, there is Adit. There is Adit's Niya. Adit was Ish's school friend, and Niya was Ish's engineering best friend.

Fourthly, there is another Adit. Ish was glad to have his two best friends named Adit. While one moved from Hubli to Bangalore after school days, another came in from Pune to Hubli. One Adit replacing another was the best part of Ish's student life. Then, there is Adit's Mihita. Mihita was Adit's office colleague.

Over to Ish.

*****

Not for a change, neither for better good nor for any made-up reason, I got to tell my story.

I fell in love with.

Not once.

Not twice.

More.

I want to write it. Not that it has to be heard or read. But I want it for myself. It's like my world needs to listen to me. My voice needs to take its place. It could be in the void, but I am looking for reflections. Void might be void, but reflections could take shape.

*****

Here, we roll back and restart! Hubli is a South Indian city (Karnataka), and that's where Ish belongs. Though, since childhood, Ish knew he hardly had any option to move out of this city to settle; okay, read that back without 'though' and end at 'settle.' Ish had managed to remain sane, knowing the gigantic difference between 'what was he educated for' and 'what he was working on.'

14. I Fond You

One lazy morning, Ish read his social media status of two best friends: Adit and Niya. (Ish stood as a mutual friend between the two)

Adit's status update said - Posted to Pune. I am going to miss Bangalore.

Niya's status update said - I love to hate to say this, I am moving from Pune to Bangalore! New Job, New Home!

Two people were moving out of their hometown to a new place for a better job opportunity. Ish read the status, smiled, and preferred to stay calm. It was work-life that wanted him to take a break and not bother over anything. Everything looked like nothing else mattered anymore. Nevertheless, that afternoon, Ish decides to call Adit. It was almost a month they had not spoken to each other. Ish hardly anticipated Adit would have had a job change. As Adit would be traveling to Pune, he had to pass through Hubli. Ish wanted him to make a stay in Hubli amidst the journey so that they could catch up with things where they had left since the last meet. The previous personal meet was years ago. Phone calls and texts somehow didn't bridge the gap well like in-person meets.

Ish wanted to meet his school friend Adit. Everything between them stayed like in school days. No professional competition, no extra complications, just pure friendship. He missed him and occasionally felt his absence in his life. Most importantly, Ish wanted someone to listen to him and comprehend the way they were intended to be. Ish wanted to talk about his dreams and how he had been killing them slowly. Ish wanted Adit to assure him that all the sacrifices made were acceptable, and they did not matter. He wanted Adit to comfort him that he was doing the best with what he had in his plate. Ish wanted Adit to lie to him that it was okay to sacrifice the dreams!

"Hello!"

"Hey, Hello, Ass!"

"Listen. You are moving to Pune, right?"

"So?"

"What so? Come Hubli, stay a day, then move to Pune."

"What if I don't?"

"You can't!"

"Nonsense! You know I would be coming to Hubli. It's been so long, and I need to meet your mom and dad. I miss mom's food."

"Me? You don't miss me?"

"Nah!"

"I have got new leather shoes."

"I am scared! Whatever, listen, I will reach your home Saturday morning! For further, we discuss later."

"Coolio! Done!"

"Saturday, we roam!"

"Your highness!"

"Okay. So how are you?"

"Thanks. See you on Saturday. Don't spoil my day!"

"Cya. Bye."

"Bye."

*****

Ish had his ass pressed to Hubli. He had completed his education right from nursery to engineering in Hubli itself. He was more of a homely guy. Though he had several job opportunities after his degree, he still preferred to stay back at his hometown and find some means to earn his bread and butter. Hubli did not have any job profiles or industries that would provide him employment worth his degree. If he had to, then he was on his own.

It was this inevitable reason that had mandated him to start a small company in Hubli. He used to provide software solutions to local companies. Though the requirements were minimal, works were in slow progress, and he was acquiring projects for automation one after another. Recent government initiatives of everything going digital and cashless were a benefiting factor to him. His company had also turned into a computer repair and service center. He also had few evening slots where he used to tutor students on computer courses. The repair and tuitions were in demand than the software solutions which he wanted to be known for.

Though at times he used to feel he would have made better use of his talent at a place elsewhere, he never regretted his decisions. He lived by his choices, and it was nothing worth complaining. It was just a family thing. He had this feeling that his family never even allowed him to dream. All they wanted was to stay at Hubli. He did. No regrets. However, that thought stayed!

*****

The following Saturday, Hubli had seen two caffeinated monkeys roaming around the city in the ecstatic state of mind. They visited school, met teachers, had favorite street food, spent some time by the lake, visited all their favorite places and everything that refreshed back the school memories. Things had not changed much. The places had not changed much. The two had changed in nothing!

After hogging the delicious dinner prepared by Ish's mother, they sat on the couch, discussing life and its chaotic mess. It seemed like a critical everlasting discussion.

Ish could not resist asking Adit, "You seem to carry small luggage. Have you been transporting the rest?"

Adit smiled and replied, "It was my dad. He made me pack minimal stuff. Others will be purchased based on need and would depend on the place I pick to accommodate."

Ish agreed and expressed, "That sounds like a plan. There is no meaning in carrying heavy unwanted luggage to that far distance."

They kept staring at each other for a while as if they were misplaced in unfathomable thoughts as if they were going to make some earth-changing decisions. It was the jam-packed tummy that had made them lazy even to talk. Breaking the silence, they both burst into laughter and Adit uttered, "This is so not us!"

Ish's parents joined the conversation, and Adit asked, "Aunty, can I take Ish along with me to Pune? He will be of great help!" That's when Ish startled, jaws down. It came out of nowhere to Ish.

Ish's mother with no second thoughts cried, "Why ask? Take him! You both have not been together since your parents shifted to Bangalore", saying that she made some mental calculations and said, "It's been seven years!" She then took a long pause and continued, "You know, Ish never takes a break from work. At times he works on Sundays too! I want him to take a break. Take him away for a week. Or more. Please!"

To make it worse, Ish's father added, "Yeah Adit, take him to Pune! He needs a change. We need a change. We are fed up looking at him every single day! Give us the gift of not seeing this boring face for a week!"

Ish quickly interrupted with disagreement tone "No, no, I have commitments. I can't skip those, and there is a lot of work piled up and... "

His mother, without any hesitation, added "Work work blah blah work work! Yawn!"

Everyone was looking at Ish, with a face that had wide eyes and the expressions that said – "you are so dead!" Ish's mother in a peculiar and loud tone shouted, "Make the calls, delegate the work, pack your bags, take a break, and get lost!" When she said 'Get Lost,' a little more loudly, she meant it. It seemed so.

Ish wanted to interrupt and cancel the plans, but he got ignored as if his concerns never mattered. His dad looking at his cell phone, said, "I am booking tickets for you both for tomorrow night. Is that okay Adit?"

Adit smiled and said, "Very Much Uncle. I don't have my tickets booked for Hubli to Pune Journey. I had a hunch you both would agree. I very much knew that if I tell this in advance to Ish, he would have made some reason to chicken out from the plan. I am glad this worked"

Ish was pissed off because he was ignored. He was pissed off more because he was ignored, and no one cared.

Then there was a usual dramatic conversation of Adit trying to book the tickets and Ish's dad not allowing him to and dad doing it by himself. Dad repeatedly said Ish needed a break. Tickets were booked, and Ish was made to make all the necessary phone calls adjusting his work calendar. He delegated all the high priority works and cleared his schedule for a week. Though initially he was pissed off, it did not take him time to be excited about the journey.

*****

Sunday morning breakfast went the usual at the dining table. The conversation that happened over breakfast was about where to have lunch, and Adit was allowed to pick the restaurant of his choice.

Lunch. Restaurant – Fine Dine.

At the table, Ish's father declared, "I have a plan!"

Ish laughed out loud and said, "On how do we eat?"

Adit then laughed and said, "That was not even a PJ Ish!"

Ish's father ignoring Ish, asked Adit, "Where will you stay in Pune?"

Adit replied, "We will possibly take a hotel until we get a place. I have already talked to a few agents and should be able to get in a day or two."

Ish's father looked at Ish and said: "What about your friend Niya?"

Adit immediately said, "I have seen Niya in your pictures. Was she your engineering batch mate? The way you used to shy in school, I used to feel you will never be able to talk to girls."

Ish added, "See! Ask him about my engineering male friends; he knows none. Ask about Niya, he knows! "

Ish's father smiled and said, "Continue this fight later. Call up Niya and ask her. You can stay at her place". He then looked at Adit and said, "As close you were to him in school, so was Niya during engineering. I miss her!"

Adit smiled.

Ish - "She is moving to Bangalore for her job. I don't know if she has already moved or not."

Ish's father - "What kind of friend are you? You could have called and asked her!"

Ish – "Time gap, and we have hardly talked!"

Ish's father - "Okay, no problem, call, and ask now."

Ish - "Now? No. I will call after lunch."

Ish's father - "Nopes. Now! Do it now!"

The table had smiles, and Ish knew his father would not take another word. He called immediately and put her on the speakerphone.

Niya on the other side in an excited voice, "Hey duffer, hundred years to you. I was about to call you tonight. I have got a job offer in Bangalore. I am moving out from Pune on Thursday night. I have decided to halt in Hubli for a day and then take the night bus to Bangalore."

Ish's father exclaimed, "Perfect! Ish is coming to Pune tomorrow morning with his friend. He will join you in return journey. "

Niya was happy to hear uncles voice and greeted him. She agreed, and she invited both to stay at her home. She also expressed that she would have slaughtered Ish if he had opted to stay at a hotel and not her home in Pune. Adit introduced himself and said that she could stay at his home until she finds a place in Bangalore.

Ish's father then explained the plan to Niya.

"Niya, this is the plan.

Monday morning Ish and Adit will reach your home. They are going to search for PG and settle up. Hopefully, things will get done in a day or two. Then you three can roam the city or whatever possible, have fun. Then Ish and you will start the journey on Thursday night and reach Hubli Friday morning. Friday night you and Ish will start to Bangalore. You both are going to stay at Adit's home until you find a place. Ish will come back to Hubli once you get comfortable with the place and all arrangements made."

Ish was going nuts. His dad had finalized the plan without asking him, and it was not the first time. Needless to say, it was indeed the best. Everyone agreed to it, and Niya was relieved too. The lunch later had lots of gags.

*****

That evening Ish and Adit boarded the Pune bus, and by morning seven they had reached the city. Ish was not new to Pune as he had visited Niya several times during engineering holidays.

Ish and Adit got a warm welcome from Niya's parents. The first thing Niya did to Ish was giving a hard pat on his shoulders. It looked like a pat but sounded a bang. If no one was around, she possibly would have kicked him. A room, good breakfast, comfy bed, and homely treatment was part of the welcome. Adit had met Niya for the first time. They both were in excitement. Both were shifting to each other's hometown and were having nonstop talks. Ish was cornered and left alone. Obviously.

Adit had planned to look for places nearby to his company to reduce the commute. Niya's father had a few suggestions through his contacts. He suggested looking for agent suggestions if his recommendations did not work well. Adit agreed to plans, and the three went to look out in the evening.

The first one was a paying guest facility with single accommodation. It was a cozy place with a proper widow, ventilation, and surrounding green. The home was nearby and reachable to most of the market area. The rent paid included food, stay, water, cleaning charges, and electricity bills.

The room had a bed, placed with a chair and a table, making it a study place. One wall had a fixed cupboard, and the room had an attached bathroom. The bed was comfortable, and the windows had vibrant curtains. The room was on the second floor, and the place was calm. Adit was smiling in glee as the very first place they looked had his heart rejoice.

They talked over the terms and agreement with the owner, and Adit already felt the bonding. The couple who maintained it, who were of his parent's age had one strict condition that smoking and drinking was not allowed in the place. Adit had no problem or concerns with that as he was not into any of it. Adit made payment of the advance amount, the first-month rent and confirmed the place by submitting identity proof documents and few signatures. They happily returned to Niya's home.

Adit thanked Niya's father, for it was a huge favor to find a place just like his home environment. Adit updated the information to his parents, and they expressed satisfaction. They also assured Adit that they would help Niya to get an ideal place back in Bangalore as she expects.

The plan of getting a room by Thursday was done and dusted by Monday. Well, Niya, Adit and Ish had the whole of Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday to be sorted out.

Niya took charge as the unanimous leader and laid out the plan. Tuesday was the water kingdom. Wednesday was the city market and shopping. Thursday would be packing and talking. Thursday evening Ish and Niya would leave to Bangalore and Adit would shift to his new room.

*****

Thursday night came on time as an uninvited guest. Ish wanted to time-freeze, and Adit/Niya were experiencing the suffocation of depart. It felt like they had spent one long day with several breaks and wanted the day to never end. Niya's parents cried. Adit, Niya, and Ish cried, hiding the real reason why.

*****

For Niya, Hubli felt home. Hugs from Ish's parents, cooking her favorite food, talks, and care, Niya had missed them all and certainly coveted it. The place had everything for Niya to get emotional. This visit was special. It was after a long gap bringing her back all the engineering memories. There wasn't a moment of silence at home. The more they talked, more to be talked remained.

*****

Friday night, with a heavy heart, Niya and Ish boarded the bus to Bangalore. Though it was a few hours of halt at Hubli, Niya was content. Adit's father picked them from Bangalore bus stop on arrival. On reaching Adit's home, Adit's mom and his younger brother greeted them, followed by routines and chores.

*****

Adit's mother took Niya to a room and said, "Welcome Home Niya. This is where you will stay. We have enquired, and your company is nearby as well." She smiled and then continued, "Thank you for treating my son so kindly. I have known people who don't even allow guys to stay at their place if daughters are around. Your parents are so kind," saying that she paused.

Niya did not know what exactly to answer. She stood still gazing around the room.

Adit's mother, Parvati, continued, "I always wanted a daughter. All I got was two naughty sons. I guess this is how God has sent me a daughter! I know it's too early to say anything like that, but neither do I see anything wrong too. With my younger son too moving out of the city for his studies soon, you have come here at the right time!"

Niya – 'But,'

Parvati – 'No but's. It's not easy to find a good place in Bangalore. It's nowhere like the city once it was before.'

Niya – 'But,'

Parvati – 'We can have this discussion for hours, and you can have any number of but's, but, I am not going to agree to any of it. You better accept it. Sooner you do, better for you.'

It came out as a real surprise to Niya. She had no expectations that something like this would happen. She smiled with a thankful heart, and with a little hesitation, said, "I will be the best daughter I can be!"

Adit's mother asked her to get comfortable and unpack things and went towards the kitchen. The room was spacious and clean. It had all the required arrangements. There was also a bunch of flowers kept inside the room along with a note which said "Welcome Home – Adit." Adit had asked his younger brother to do that.

Ish entered the room and exclaimed, "Wow! This is Adit's room. You should have seen how it used to be when Adit stayed here. Adit's parents have made a complete makeover of this room in such a short span!"

Niya smiled. She ran towards the kitchen and hugged Adit's mother. She expressed her thanks, and there was nothing else she could think of for the moment. She thanked Adit's father and his little brother too. Niya was home. Another.

Niya called home and expressed gratitude. It was contentment for the three families.

*****

The following night when Ish took the bus back to Hubli, he cried. It was tears of joy. Or maybe not. He had witnessed a world of pleasure and kindness. He had seen how kindness had propagated and expanded to form a bigger umbrella. He had been through the emotions of three joyful families. Everything looked perfect and tailored.

Yes. Ish had a hectic week jam-packed with travels and tasks. But it had friends and family. It had glorious lived memories. It had meetings of friends across his life paths. It was unison of good things.

He had every chance of calling both and saying he would be busy and not be able to catch up and postpone it to next time. Adit would have settled up somehow, and Niya would have picked some other place to stay. Things would have still been 'okay.' He would always be in Hubli having a regular workweek. But through his parents, he opted to bring things together. He thanked his parents. He praised himself for he decided to do this.

Ish cried. He had tears of joy. The world looked perfect with kindness. It was a mess and still had sympathy. It was happiness as his school best friend and engineering best friend had met each other. Well, he had seen a spark between Adit and Niya. Though he did not have any severe feelings on Niya, he did not feel good to see the close bonding that was happening between Adit and Niya.

Was he in love with Niya? He asked himself. No. He knew they were just good friends. But he cried. He cried because he was a little jealous to see Adit and Niya going so well together.

Ish cried. He cried because Niya's family had heartily thanked him for all the help. They still treated him as one of their family members. He cried because Adit's family thanked him for all the support and expressed that it was god's way of putting him in between for good things to happen. Ish cried with satisfaction. Because of him, there were two happy families. He stood as a trust between both.

He was emotional. He wanted someone to confirm that all this had happened and he was not in his dreams.
15. I Fear You

Ish knew that he critically lacked in industry experiences. Though he had intuitions for professionalism, he knew a real experience would build a better profile. Ish had planned to get a short period internship for the same reason. Of all the places he applied, the one from Mumbai gave him a green signal. It was a six-month-long internship, and the selection was in his favor as his final year project was in-line with company work domain.

***

Pune to Mumbai is around 150 kilometers. Mumbai (known as Bombay, the official name until 1995) is the capital city of the Indian state of Maharashtra. It is the most populous city in India and the ninth most populous agglomeration in the world, with an estimated city population of 18.4 million (as of 2016).

***

Ish had taken a paying guest room nearby to office as he wanted to minimize the travel time. He had borrowed some money from his parents so that he could make his initial living experiences work out. It did not offer him a high stipend but good enough to make a living with basic amenities. All that mattered to him was the experiences that he would take away than the financial benefits.

Few forms, signs and his joining formalities got completed. He was informed that the identity card would be issued in two working days. It was a two-year-old startup with a small team size of around 60 employees. Ish was supposed to work under technical team lead, known to be stringent with his work and deadlines. There was nothing of it that bothered Ish.

It was on day two, Ish got to know that his team would be complete the following week, when two more new interns would walk in. By then, he had materials to read, which he had to finish reading and orient the new interns on the day one. It did not take much time for Ish to make new friends moving around the floor. He used to interact with people during lunch hours and also got to know the facilities well. Ish used to meet his lead every day one hour to have a Q&A session to clear all his doubts. He had made a good impression within a short period.

Ish was comfortable with work and environment. He had made new friends, and Mumbai felt overwhelming. The week rushed, and two new interns had joined the team. After all the official formalities, Ish took them to lunch. They discussed their college, work, and got to know each other better. Ullas would make a good friend and Shriya, Shriya was shine!

Ish took them for a company tour and got them introduced to the various teams that were working there. Shriya felt it difficult to believe that Ish was only one week old to the company. She was impressed with his communication and behavioral skills. Though he talked often and non-stop, wasn't uneasy. By the end of the day, Ullas, Shriya and Ish had become good friends. Their conversation had turned from serious company topics to laughable jokes.

Ish spent the next day discussing all the materials he had learned throughout the week. Ullas was faster in catching concepts. He already had few questions, and the three prepared a report on their meeting and discussion. Next day the three had a meeting with the team lead and presented the work they would carry ahead. Rohit, the lead was impressed with the way the team had worked and appreciated Ish for doing his assigned job so efficiently. In turn, Ish complimented Ullas and Shriya for being very supportive and co-operative.

In a week, the trio had become famous in the company. They were known for their hard work and dedication. Well, as the days passed, weekdays was office work and weekend city excursion. As a team, they were collectively better than an individual. Over the arguments, no matter what, Ish and Shriya used to team up, Ullas always went against, right or wrong. They consistently identified each other with nicknames no matter where. Evening tea in the lawn was compulsory part of everyday day routine. While at days they talked about movies, favorite songs, sports, at other days, it was just the tea and silence.

When it came to work, they always had a plan. The day ended with a to-do list for the next day and a brainstorming. They used to set a timer for every meeting, and the condition was that no meet to span more than 30 minutes. The plan worked effectively in making significant progress. No, not every day went as per plan. On some days they used to laze around promising to work better the next day because they had worked hard the day earlier. The team celebrated on their third-month presentation where they gave out the deliverable on time, leaving behind a positive impression. Their team lead was proud of the team and knew all he needed was a word, and the word would get the work done.

Ish had this quality of listening without interrupting or adding any opinions. No wonder why Shriya preferred Ish over Ullas. Ullas was more of 'me, my headphones and my music' guy. While Shriya talked of her college stories, popularity, fans and favors, Ish preferred to listen and smile.

"You know..."

"I don't."

"Let me complete!"

"Okay. Go on. I thought that was it!"

"Shlok was my best friend. He still is. It's just that we don't talk anymore."

"What?"

"Really. Shlok was the best one I ever had. But we don't talk. But he was and is the best friend for life. I guess you come next."

"What do you mean? You will stop talking to me sometime in the future?"

"If that is what you take away from it, yes!"

"What? Really?"

"Why do you look so confused?"

"Don't you think with what you just said, confusion is the most subtle expression?"

"I haven't got to the main part yet. There is more."

"Ah, there is more!"

"There certainly is!"

"Go on!"

"My high school bestie was Vir. We don't talk anymore, either! It's been very long now though."

"You got to stop doing this. I know I am next."

"Why don't you ask the most important question? Why!!!?"

"Yeah, WHY??"

"I had told Shlok on why I had stopped talking to Vir. He did the same. He knew it would happen. He still did that!"

"DO WHATT??"

"Propose."

"PROPOSE?"

"Can you please stop shouting? Others are looking at us."

"Ehh! Sorry. This is, this, I don't know! I still don't understand."

"I am telling you this well in advance as well. Please. I don't want to end our friendship relationship. Not all the time a girl talking to a guy, being friends with him, would expect to end things in bed. Life has more to it. After propose everything gets awkward. Things can never be the same. They will never be. It just gets ugly. Even a shoulder pat or hand-shake seems different. At-least to me. I had told Shlok and made it very clear on what had happened with Vir. After six months, he did the same and said he very much meant it."

Long awkward silence.

"Glad you mentioned it. At least for now, I can assure you I have not developed any feelings towards you. This will always be in my mind as an ever ringing alarm."

"Also, this is exactly what even Shlok had said."

"No wonder. You are a girl with 'fall in love' charm. No wonder."

"Shall we just keep that to friends?"

"I certainly want to as well. This is awkward. But,"

"I know there are a lot of buts. Let's keep that in mind and move on. I don't want to talk about it anymore and anything more."

"Yes, Madam."

The conversation had not changed anything between both. If anything, in-turn it had made the bonding stronger. One had started ordering snacks to both without asking other. They had shared each other's movie and music list. They had put a lot of photographs on social media. While Shriya's friends had started teasing her with Ish, so were Ish's relatives with Shriya. Two strong and independent people had become stronger and dependent on each other. For Ish, for the moment, 'friendship' tag seemed the most beautiful one.

Sharing chat food on weekends to auto expenses, birthday celebrations, exploring Mumbai, shopping, market tours, they did a lot of things together. Ish had so many moments with her, which carried the feeling of – "This is so perfect! I wish I could propose her and marry right away!" But they just stayed inside, peacefully, creating a lot of stumbling blocks. He then wondered the same would have happened with Shlok. He had to be a tougher than he thought he was.

*****

At the near end of the internship, the team presented their work. The prototype of the project was satisfactorily completed. The team answered every question asked with grace and diligence. The lead that day made an announcement soon after the presentation.

"I talked with higher-ups, and we have decided to launch this project from next month. If any of you are interested in being part of this team, mail me your interest. We will also be hiring a few. However, on my recommendation, the company has decided to offer the job right now to 3 people: Ish, Ullas and Shriya!" There were claps and excitement all around. The three were in complete shock. It was supposed to be their internship only.

Ullas was jumping out of happiness. Everyone in the hall could see it. He was jumping up and down from his chair. His hands were up in the air. There were cheers. Shriya was confused. If she had to continue here, then she had to switch back from her hometown. She did not want to be away from home. She was here only for the internship, and there was no such prior plan. However, Ish was sure about his decision that he would quit right after the internship as he would be working on something of his own at his hometown Hubli.

It was a Yes from Ullas.

It was a No from Ish.

It was a Maybe from Shriya.

Soon after the announcement the lead returned to his cubicle, called the three and said, "Look, team, I am not sure if all the three would want to continue here and I leave that decision to you all. But as my duty based on the work you all did, I had to do this and I certainly did. The decisions to opt or not is left to your personal choices. However, I want and badly want you three to stay back in the team and lead the project. You three have a sturdier vision for this product."

All the three nodded their heads and said would get back after giving a thought. That day in the canteen, between Shriya and Ish:

"Listen, I am confused. I don't know what to do!"

"How badly you want to be home?"

"I want to be home, but it is okay not to too. I can spend a year or two here and then shift."

"Then stay. You know the work here is awesome. You will transform yourself."

"I know, but I don't know why I am not able to accept that with content."

"Why so?"

"Listen, will you stay back?"

"Me, No! It is my firm decision. I have to start something on my own. I can't stay back. I don't want to."

"But do you want to stay back?"

"I can't!"

"My question is, do you want to stay back?"

"Well, yes. I love the work here. But I won't stay."

"Why don't you work here for two years and then shift back to your home town? You will learn too."

"I know, but, I already have what I came for. There is no meaning in my stay."

"Really? You feel so?"

"Yes. I have felt so. Always"

"Okay. Are you sure that you don't want to stay back?"

"I am sure. I don't want to stay back. No matter what I feel, that is my decision."

"Well, then... "

"Yeah! Then?"

"I know my decision."

"Already?"

"I will not accept the offer too. I will move back to my home town."

"Really? Why?"

"I don't know. It's good when and if you are here. Else I don't feel it will be the same."

"But why do you want to miss a good opportunity? You can earn and learn here."

"Well, I had those thoughts. I don't think I can if you are not around."

"You can still take time, think, and decide. Put me out of your evaluation parameters."

"Well, that's my final decision. I won't accept the offer. The way you have your decision made, so is mine. No other parameters can change it. Parameter? Ah, I hate when technical terms get into routine conversations."

The two had made their decisions. It was NO from Ish and Shriya. With the internship days about to end, Ish was confused about why his decision to stay or not had influenced Shriya's decisions. He did feel if she had started liking him too and then if so the case then she would have said that to him. Certainly.

At two days to go, there was a send-off organized to all interns with the cake cut followed by lunch. There were almost a dozen interns who were saying bye to the workplace. However, a few had got job offers. That day was a celebration. There were hugs, people expressing good wishes, some autographs, food, smiles, and more smiles.

The last day was all about returning the official belongings to the company. They had to return their laptops, surrender the accounts, return the ID cards, sign few forms, and so was it all. Ullas was doing it all only to take back all the next day as an employee. Shriya and Ish were doing it as an end to their internship journey. Lead gave a speech about how much he would miss the team. It was an emotional moment. With the end of the day, was the end of association to the company.

Ish had decided to see-off Shriya and then travel back Hubli. They both pretty much knew this would be their last meet unless life strategizes a meet coincidently. Attending each other's wedding was definitely not in the plan.

Railway station seemed erratically void that day. They did not know how to do the good-byes. It felt like it mostly involved long silences with weird expressions looking at each other's faces. While having fifteen minutes for the train arrived, they both were at the seat beside the platform.

"Then?"

"Then??"

"When do we meet again!?"

"I don't know!"

"I really don't know!"

Few seconds of silence.

"Then?"

"Then??"

"What plans have you made for ahead?"

"Nothing as of now."

"Same here."

Few seconds of silence

"Then?"

"Then??"

"When will the train reach?"

"It says sixteen hours!"

"Ohh!"

Few seconds of silence

"Then?"

"Then??"

"You say."

"You say."

Few seconds of silence

"Then?"

"Then??"

"Hmm"

"Hmm.."

The question-repeat session went on for a while.

The train made it to the platform on time. Ish helped her with the luggage and Shriya settled down at her seat. She made sure that everything around was comfortable. Along with her in the cabin was a family traveling as her co-passengers. The compartment was clean, and it looked like it was dressed in white. They both made sure that everything around was alright and walked towards the door. Shriya took her handbag with her. Ish asked her to leave it back, but she insisted on carrying it out as it had money and other essential belongings in there. Shriya stood at the compartment door, and Ish got down from the train.

Sharp at 7.30 pm, the train blew its first whistle. In seconds was another, then yet another and the train slowly started its move. They both kept staring at each other. Shriya took out a pack from her bag. It was a gift-wrapped up in red color cover, undoubtedly. It looked like a novel, or a diary or something of that kind. It had a tiny lace tied around it. She handed it over to Ish. Ish was a little surprised. They had agreed that they would not exchange any gifts, and it was a strict order from Shriya herself. She pushed it into his hands.

Ish took it. He noticed that Shriya had tears. She was crying. The train was moving. It had moved quite a distance and Ish was walking along with the train.

Shriya said, "I will miss you, Ish. Take care. And keep in touch. Forget not to wish me on my birthdays! February 29th!"

Ish was nodding his head. He was stuck wordless and remained speechless with blank expressions. By then the train had moved far. They waved hands at each other and signaled byes. It was apparent that Shriya was crying. There were tears. There were. They were not supposed to cry as per the previous day chat agreement. Ish had cried a bucket lot back home, making himself stronger not to cry during the see-off. He wanted to put down his face and cry but also did not want to miss seeing her face as long as it's visible.

The train had left, nowhere around, nowhere seen, and he stood there holding the gift tightly. He sat on the long wooden seat that they had sat earlier keeping the gift on the seat which Shriya had occupied earlier. For a moment, he wanted to leave it there and go back room not wanting to know what was in it. It was a promise - not to exchange any gifts. Else he had planned to gift a watch, reminding of time that spent together.

But then, he would never miss a gift from Shriya. He knew it was a book. It was a book. He moved his hands on it, and he could feel that there was also a card, probably. On top of it, there was a small message card. The card had his name, station name, time of train departure, and her name. He felt he was gifted with time. As much as he wanted to unwrap and open it, so much he wanted it to be a forever surprised. He removed the wrapper and saw a novel and a letter. The novel had a binding in a red cover. The way he unpacked it, the letter was facing up. He wanted to read the letter right away. He took out the letter, and there were four pages. It was a hand-made card. Shriya was good at quilling which she had used for front and back cover. The inners had the words in black ink.

Deer Ish,

No dear for you. Only deer. It should have instead said mad monkey or donkey maybe. I did not want to be formal, but somehow, it came up. I have no idea what I am going to write on these two pages. But I wanted to write and say something. Those things may be which I could not speak while I was in front of you. I want to tell you how meaningful your friendship was to me. If you were not part of my internship life, there was every possibility that it could get worse in every possible way it could. I will remember this whole journey only because of you and only because of your/our friendship.

You know, I was a very independent girl. I used to make my decisions without depending on anyone's opinion. I knew what was right for me. But now, you have spoilt me big time. Even to buy a little thing I had started asking your opinion. You were the one who selected my birthday dress. Do you know how many tea/coffee we had in the last six months without each other? I guess none! I am going to miss that big time. Weekdays or weekends we were together. It was somehow, always you. I don't understand how I changed this lot. None of my other friends would believe it. Even I won't believe it. But I don't have any regrets about that. I have thoroughly enjoyed these six months. I am thankful to you for what I am.

But now you see, I need to get back and be older me. I do not like it. I don't want to be so. I still want to listen to your suggestions. I still want to be around you, and I know it isn't possible. My mind is not ready to accept any of this. Very soon we will be in our cities busy with our works. Slowly we will get busy with our life annoyances, and we will have no time for other things. The communication gap will increase, things will slow down, and I have no complaints on it. That is how the design of life is, and I am okay to it. But, I don't like this but.

But remember at any point in time if you are in my hometown then you will have to visit me. If I am Hubli, I will be at your place. We shall keep in touch, whatever it takes. Hopefully. Even if we don't talk for years, we still have a lot of thoughts being passed on in our silence. Our friendship will always be remembered. It will always be the best part of my life. Always! I don't think any other event in my life would be treasured like these six months. It will always be my favorite. I know I should not say this, but I want to 'thank you.' I will always be thankful for everything you did to me.

And listen,

While writing this letter, I also felt maybe I am making a mistake. I thought I am keeping this half said. But I did not know what. I felt maybe there was a lot more to say. But I kept thinking and do not know what else to. So to complete this letter, I am keeping a novel. I know you are crazy about books. I know you have already read this one. I want you to have a copy from myside. I hope you will keep it with you forever. It would mean a lot to me. It is going to be my memory and me staying with you. Lots of good wishes.

Your dear friend,

Shriya.

Ish wanted to reread the letter. He tried to look through those words again. He re-read, and it asked for more. Every word there was giving him warmth. He could feel the nearness those words had. Every sentence was like a story on its own.

He read the last paragraph of the letter again. He held the novel and opened to the first page (the binding was an extra layer over the cover). He immediately fell on the ground with knees. He started crying loudly and madly. He felt he had lost his feet and could not stand up. Everything around him stood meaningless. The world had lost its significance. Life had lost its implication. He cried like someone had sealed his way from turning back. He was stuck in the shutters of time. She had presented him the book, 'P.S. I Love You.'

For the next six months, there was silence. There was no call or message. Ish was never so much confused before. He then saw the status update that Shirya had got married to Shlok. It made sense in more than ways he could think and comprehend. Ish, amongst all the confusions, moved on! The friendship tag was associated forever into the life of Ish and Shriya, and possibly, they both would never talk again.

16. I Fool You

Ish is in Hubli.

Adit is in Pune and

Niya in Bangalore.

It was Friday morning, and Ish planned to surprise Niya. He had got funding approved for his project and wanted to share the news in person. It was that project for which he had toiled days and nights from engineering days, and Niya was very much aware of it. The internship experience had given it a better shape. He updated the news at home and got his tickets booked to travel to Bangalore that night.

It was Friday morning, and Adit was not in a mood to work at the office. He knew he would be glued to chair updating about weekly work status and discussing plans for next week. He felt he should instead do something zestful. He got his right ear pierced. Next immediate thing he wanted to do was to travel Hubli, meet Ish and get his ear pierced too. Ish would not agree if it were not in person. So he decided to reach Hubli, give a surprise, and then get his ear pierced. He booked his bus tickets to Hubli.

It's Friday morning, and Niya longed to meet Adit. No occasion. To have warm hugs and talk about life. She thought she would keep it as a surprise and booked the flight tickets to Pune. She made sure that she would give no clue about it and give an early morning surprise.

Well, Friday night, Adit had started his travel to Hubli, Ish had started his journey to Bangalore and Niya took her early morning flight to Pune.

Around 8.30 am

They were standing in front of each other's house to shout out a surprise. That was a weekend they would never forget in their lifetime!

*****

That day Ish then decided to meet Adit as Niya wasn't there. The other Adit, his class 11 and 12 friend. That is the day he met Mihita and had exchanged the ideas and thoughts of starting something in Hubli and about his approved project funding. Mihita, who was fed up with work culture, had shown interest in Ish's work and had expressed if she could join his firm, someday!

17. I Knot You

Adit was falling in love with Pune because it was Niya's hometown. Niya was falling in love with Bangalore because it reminded her of Adit. They used to have conference calls: Ish, Adit, and Niya. Ish used to be idle most of the times as he used lacking opportunity to talk. Only when prompted with – 'Hey Ish, say something,' it was then, Ish used to add some weasel words. Ish wasn't sure if he was happy or jealous about what was happening.

*****

Niya to Adit's mother - "Aunty, I want to tell you something. You should not be angry. It's rather asking than tell. I am nervous, actually."

She replied, "Well, I can't promise that. I will try it!"

Niya said, "I don't know any other means to do it. I am nervous."

She said, "Go on!"

Niya said, "I request that first I will finish up everything that I want to say and you will have to advise me on the matter. I will follow whatever your suggestion is. I will abide by it and will follow with respect".

Adit's mother agreed.

Niya continued, "I don't know how to say this. I would have considered Adit. But my heart insisted that I should talk to you first. You and uncle have all the rights to know that I have fallen in love with Adit. I miss him a lot. I like his behavior. I don't know if it is attraction or love, but I miss him. Talking to him makes me happy. I really would be blessed if I get a chance to spend the rest of my life with Adit and you both."

Niya continued with a deep breath, "Now before telling this to Adit, I felt I should discuss this with you both. I don't know about Adit. He might say yes or no. I wanted to have an opinion of you both and then move ahead with the matter."

As soon as Niya stopped, Adit's mother without any expression asked, "Are you done?? Can I speak now?"

Niya said, "Yes!" and she closed her eyes with her fingers.

Adit's mother replied, "No. You should not. I don't have a 'yes' for this. I guess you both are good as friends."

Niya teared up. The response came quickly, without any hesitation or thought. It was negative. It was a bright, sharp 'no.'

Niya then said with a lot of struggle, "I hope this will not spoil anything between us!"

Adit's mother smiled and said, "No, Niya. I am pleased that you told me first. As long as you and Adit remain friends, I really would not mind. I will still treat you the same. I don't like the idea of more than friends. What we have is good!"

Niya said, "No. I will never discuss this thing with Adit. I will never do anything without the consent of you both. You have taken care of me like your daughter."

Adit's mother, with agreement nod, said, "Now don't think on this anymore. Forget this happened!" saying so she hugged her.

Niya rushed back to her room. She silently closed the door, pushed her face to the bed, and cried. Adit's mother was noticing that felt helpless. She was not sure if it was the right thing to do or right way to do, but she knew the cry would heal her and preferred to be left alone. Niya was in despair. Everything happened quickly, and that was a lot to take in.

The silence was disturbed,

The silence was concerned.

Not a word uttered,

Not an emotion expressed.

Still a book of thoughts,

Alphabets, lots and lots.

Silence,

Silently traveled,

Miles apart,

Delivered.

The second weekend of this incident, Saturday morning, Adit was home. Niya had decided to act normal for she had to. She was surprised by the way Adit's parents had taken it. They behaved as if nothing had happened. Though Niya felt a little weird to see Adit's face and talk, she did. She had that feeling from the past two weeks as well. Adit though noticed a changed behavior did not bother to question why.

Niya saw someone sleeping in Adit's brother's room. It can't be him as he was out of the country for his studies.

"Hey, Adit! Who is that?"

"Why don't you go and check out?"

"Oh My God, it's Ish, Isn't it?"

Adit smiled. Niya rushed to the room and woke Ish up.

"Hey, Donkey! You never said"

"Ghost! Let me sleep!"

"You never said!"

"I guess that's what surprises are!"

"Nice cover-up!"

"Go away. Let me sleep."

"Wake up! You don't sleep when you come to meet your friends. Wake up!"

Niya pulled him out of the room and dragged him towards the dining table. Breakfast was ready. She then pushed Ish and asked him to get fresh. They all sat for breakfast and were talking about work-life and projects.

Adit's mother interrupted serving dosa, "How sad of this modern generation! Three friends meet and discuss work!?? Ehh!??," she smiled.

The three made funny faces.

Adit – "Mom, I have booked tickets. We are going to movies. We will be back for lunch."

Adit's mother - "No way! Eat outside. I am serious. It's my rest day. I am not going to cook anything today. Dare if you enter the home before 9.00 pm."

Adit felt weird. So was Niya. So was Ish. Adit said, "Mom, aren't you happy that I am home. I am dying to eat home food."

Adit's mother alleged - "No son. Not today. Today, don't disturb me. Go out and eat. Enjoy your day. Tomorrow home food, I promise."

Niya – "Are you unwell aunty? Should I help you?"

Adit's Mother – "A greater help would be to stay out today!"

Niya wasn't sure of what had happened. She decided to talk at night. The three had an entire day for themselves. They watched a movie, had long lunch, walk in the garden and then evening chat. With new and rapid constructions, Bangalore looked different every single day. They were not sure if it was good. The traffic had increased, and comfort had decreased. There were nothing and no one to be blamed as they all were contributing to it. The day had added more colors to the memory bucket.

While they were returning, Niya wished if every day was like this day and the other two agreed with no second thoughts or anything to add over. Niya had finally come out of her worried mind, and she felt relaxed. As they reached home, it was rather dark than usual. Not even the outside lights were lit neither the street lights. For a moment, it felt as if Adit's parents had been somewhere out.

As they stepped near the door, the lights turned on. Not just one, but hundreds of colorful ones decorating the entire house, including the compound and the gate. There was red, green, blue and others as well some dancing to silent music. Niya screamed and jumped out with a 'wow.' All three were looking at each other's faces. They were kind of confused. Niya then did ring the doorbell. While Adit's mother opened the door, Niya asked, "Aunty, what's the occasion? Why all this?"

She replied in glee, "Come in!"

Ish and Adit had disappeared. Niya was still surprised and mostly curious. She did not know what was happening. She stood still watching the lights trying to recollect if she had missed out any occasion. She was trying to relate to why they were sent out of home for the entire day and what it had to do with this surprise. Her amazement only increased after entering inside, looking at how the whole house looked like. It did not even look a bit of what it was when they left in the morning. There were balloons everywhere, red and white ones. There were other themed decorations of a guy and a girl. The lights danced in colors and shapes. The hall called for a celebration. The aura had the pomp and fest. The place had every expression to support happiness. Niya's amazement turned into shock when her parents walked towards her. She was puzzled. She hugged them not knowing which question to ask first. 'Where the heck did they come from?', that, she kept asking herself.

Out of nowhere came well-dressed Adit. Ish and Adit's parents were standing too. Adit stood on his knees and read the lines to her:

They catch in a glimpse,

Soak me and rinse,

Blissful mild start,

After effects to heart,

Beats of rhythm raga,

Freezes my saga,

I misplace myself,

Speculating and probing,

"Why me?"

That one sure thing,

Binds me in a ring,

I am scared to stare and ask,

About,

Your killing,

Smokey Eyes!

Adit held the ring up. He had nothing else to say as the ring was doing the talking. Niya was tearing. Everyone knew. She looked at everyone's face.

Took a small jump and said, "Of course Idiot. YES."

Adit put her ring and hugged her. Then they had a group hug. It was the most cherish-able moment of their life.

Niya then took all her words and asked, "What's going on?"

Adit said, "We are getting engaged. They said its auspicious day today. So we are getting engaged. We already did with the ring, but yes, with all other official things. "

Niya went, "What?"

Adit said, "Yes. All our closed ones are here. They will join the celebration."

Niya did a happy dance.

Adit said, "Go, there is a dress kept for you in your room. Get ready quick!"

Niya rushed to the room and got ready real quick. She was least bothered on how she looked. All she wanted was to get engaged to Adit. She badly and madly wanted it.

Adit then clarified what had happened behind the scene. "You know, this plan was made a week before you talked to my mom about our love. We had already discussed this plan, and your parents knew and had agreed too. We were in doubt if you would agree or not. When you said this to mom, thank god she did not reveal and acted that way. Otherwise, this arrangement and all this would have never happened. We had planned for the proposal, and as we got to know about your consent, we advanced it to engagement. We were not happy that you were sad for a few days. But it yielded double the happiness now. I hope you are not upset!"

Niya, with non-stop smile, said, "Upset? Are you mad? Why will I be? That is the sweetest thing you all did! This surprise was more heavenly than any other thing! Yayy!" The Pandit was there too. The rituals were carried out, engagement ceremony done. Adit and Niya were engaged. Niya had a beautiful ring in her finger, and so did Adit. They were platinum rings, glittering the smiles of Niya and Adit.

*****

Meanwhile, when all this planning was happening, At Hubli, Ish to his mother:

"Mom, I guess I am falling in love with Niya. Should I tell her?"

"Son, we had expected that would happen in your second year of engineering. You both were so close. Your dad and I had the same feeling that one day you would tell us. But nothing happened. We felt most weird when Niya graduated and moved back to Pune."

"We were just friends. We never thought so. Now Adit getting closer to Niya is making me jealous. Like I don't even know if the feelings are real."

Ish, saying that made funny faces.

After a while, he asked again, "Tell me what I should do. How do I tell?"

His mother in a sarcastic tone, "Well, take your phone, dial the number and drop the message! You both are friends. You have all the rights to express the way you feel. Tell her everything. Tell her how you feel and why!"

Ish said, "Mom, please. I know. I want a proper way!"

The conversation then went,

"What proper way?"

"I don't know. That is what I am asking you!"

"That is what I told. Phone, Call And Speak!"

"No, mom! How can I call and do that randomly? It's not the right way!"

"Then what do you want to do? Call her Hubli. We will talk!"

"Hee! Call her Hubli to tell this? That is stupid!"

"Arey! You don't want to call or bring her home either! What are you expecting mister? Walk into her dreams and speak out?"

"Arey, I wish that dream thing was possible. Tell me, mom! Please. What should I do?"

"You are such a headache! I will call and tell her! Now!"

"No, no! Don't do that."

"Then? How do you expect to do it?"

"I don't know. That is what I am expecting you to suggest."

"But I am suggesting you the same!"

"No. You aren't. I don't mean that way!"

"Go! Do it! I don't know what you will do; if that does not happen in this week, then I will make the call."

Ish knew he was overacting. Now that he had got a deadline, the challenge was how exactly he would do it.

That very same night, he got a call from Adit. The phone conversation went the following way:

"Hey Ish, I got to tell you something!"

"Yeah. Tell me! I am all ears."

"Niya told my mother that she loves me!"

Ish immediately cut the call! He rushed to the bathroom. He had a severe rushing heartbeat. He was standing in front of the mirror looking at himself tears rolling down.

He had realized it was too late for him to express his feelings. He texted back Adit saying "Low battery, call you back soon." For that moment, he hated his life and himself.

After an hour and more, gathering some strength and faith, he decided to call back to Adit. He called, and the conversation continued.

"Yeah, Adit, tell me, sorry for the low battery. The got held up."

"Okay, listen! Niya told my mother she loves me. But my mom said no."

"Okayyy and ... ?"

"She said no because I had told a week ago that I am planning for a surprise proposal for her. If the mother had agreed, it would have ruined our plan."

"Ah! Clever she! You mom needs a prize! She is so careful and on the spot!"

"Yeah. All that true. The reason to call is, I want a favor from you."

"Yeah, yeah. Congrats to you guys. I am delighted to hear the news."

"Thanks, buddy. Now listen. I am proposing next weekend. Her parents are coming too. Earlier the plan was only to propose. Now I am sure she is having the same feelings too, we are planning to have a small engagement ceremony within the family. You have to be there too."

"Me?? No. I can't, I guess."

"You have to! We are getting engaged on the same day."

Ish remained silent.

"Okay. I have a lot to plan. Friday night, I will reach Hubli. Saturday morning we both reach Bangalore. Be ready."

"Okay!"

"One more thing. I have transferred 40K to your account. You got to buy two engagement rings. I have emailed you finger sizes. I am not going to hear any excuses from you. Keep the rings ready by Friday. We need to shop for clothes on Friday. For me, you and Niya."

Ish smiled and said, "Okay, okay! Rings will be ready. You don't worry."

"Okay, bye then. See you soon!"

"Bye"

Ish rushed to talk to his mother. They were in front of the television, watching their regular daily soap. He went near to his mother, knelt on his knees, kept his head on her laps, and started crying. It did not take long for his mother to notice that he was crying.

Moving her hands over his head hairs, she said – "Your dad, and I have been happy with your decision. I am sure this cry has to do something with what you said us a while ago. Why this cry now?"

Ish in a little voice - "Niya loves Adit" saying that he started crying loudly. He explained the conversation that had happened over the call sometime ago. His father was quite. He knew the situation had got complicated.

He and his mother,

"Son, what do you want to do?"

"I don't know mom, you tell me. I will follow that!"

"This is more complicated than it looks like. She will be confused for the rest of her life if you express your love to her. Both Niya and Adit love each other. You will muddle the matter. I would have insisted you to express your love, but not anymore. Niya will be unhappy for the rest of her life if you do that. And if Niya has dared to speak to his mother, then she is firm with her feelings."

There was a silence in the room. The muted TV was powered off.

His father continued, "Son, your mother is right. You have to let it go. However difficult it is! And you are confused as well as you felt all this because Adit was getting close to her. It's hard to say what you have is love right now!"

They all had tears.

"Mom, I need to buy engagement rings. I can't do it alone. Will you please help me?"

"Okay, let's do it tomorrow. However difficult it is, you have to be happy with your two best friends."

Ish had matured. He felt he was stupid yesterday, and he was happy that he was not anymore today. Then the engagement happened with the same love, care, and happiness.

18. I Heed You

Ish was pulled out by his mother for household and grocery shopping because she felt it was a beautiful gloomy day. She kept transiting from one shop to another complaining things were cheaper at the other. The last time he went shopping with her was ages ago. He remembered when he was a kid, she used to hand him over a candy, and he used to enjoy it throughout the shopping and hardly bothered on how many shops they visited and how long it took. Now, he felt it was a pain in the ass. There were petite arguments over everything. Ish was complaining about being too picky, and his mother was giving him all the Gyan on how the new generation is careless about the money. Ish and his mother were relishing each other's company.

Ish saw Adit and Niya in the market, and he could not believe his eyes. His two best friends were in Hubli without informing him was his primary concern. He also saw Mihita and Adit, in the same lane at the other corner. It was unbelievable. His best friends were in Hubli, but not visited him, as well not informed him about whereabouts. It seemed impossible for him. He was pissed off, and for a moment, he wanted to rush towards them and create a scene in the market. He dropped his mother back home and came back. As he came back, he noticed Mihita purchasing a shirt. At another lane, he saw Adit and Niya with a box. They were coming towards each other, and Ish decided to hide. He went near a corner and hid himself. They all four were coming towards each other. They met and were talking something which Ish was trying to catch through the lip moments.

He then had a lightning moment. It was his birthday the next day, and maybe they were in Hubli to surprise him. It was Thursday so they all might have taken two days off from the work. He had got Adit and Adit introduced once when he was in Bangalore. He did not know they all had become so close. Maybe, it indeed was for his birthday. He jumped out of happiness.

He went back home with a celebration. He was feeling on top of the world. He decided to act surprised so that their efforts will not go in vain. At midnight, there was a doorbell ring, and Niya was at the door.

Ish acted surprised and said, "I was guessing why you had not called yet! Here you are. What a surprise!" Saying that he peeped through the door in search of others and there was no one else around. Niya asked him what the fuss all about was. He said nothing, and they both entered inside.

Ish's parents came out, and there was a small cake. Ish was really in surprise as he had expected others to be there too. Ish thought maybe others would jump in while cutting the cake. He remained quiet. They all started to sing, and Ish did cut the cake. There was no surprise entry of anyone. Ish, instead of looking at the cake, was looking towards the door that someone might come in. He did blow the candle and cut the cake. No one came in. Nothing else happened.

"Hey, you did not like me coming and wishing for your birthday?" asked Niya.

"Oh, no! Please don't think that way! I am Happy," said Ish.

"No, you are not! Look at your face. It is obvious that you are not!" replied Niya.

"That is not the issue!" said Ish in kind of a low voice and with an artificial cough.

"So, there is an issue. What is it? You did not like the cake?" started interrogating Niya.

"Oh, no. The cake was delicious. It was small and cute. I loved it.", said Ish.

"Then? What makes you unhappy?" asked Niya again.

"That is...", said Ish and silenced himself.

"Yeah. That is...", continued Niya.

"I saw you all in the market today. Where are the two Adit's? Where is Mihita?" questioned Ish.

"I knew it! You Ass! I knew it! I knew it that you already knew that we were here. I had seen you in the market while you were hiding and stalking at us. I knew it!" Niya said it with a loud voice.

Everyone was laughing.

"So?" asked Ish.

"No one believed me when I said it. It was the strategy made by us to find out if you already knew or not. Seven other people are hiding outside. They are supposed to enter after I reveal this information and call them inside."

Ish was now puzzled. "There are seven others?" he asked. He was now truly surprised. Niya continued. "We then had a bet. I said you knew we were here. Others disagreed. I am here to prove or disprove the bet. If I win, they all together give me what I ask, and if they win, I treat them all with ice-cream. I am going to ask for a nice dress. I will now call them all in"

Ish stopped her. He said, "Listen, you all have made a long journey to reach here. You all wanted me to be surprised. That is important. For the happiness of all, can you lose the bet?"

Niya asked, "Eww, why should I? Do you think I will?"

Ish tried to convince her.

He said, "Look Niya. You all have traveled a very long distance. I don't want to spoil the momentum. I know you will lose the bet. But many will be happy. I will act surprised. We shall not tell this to anyone. It will be worth it."

Niya thought for a while and said, "Okay. But you will pay for the ice cream treat, and no one else will know it!"

Ish agreed for that and Niya still kept thinking. She then added one more clause to the agreement. She said, "You will get me a birthday present. A present for me on your birthday. Do you agree?"

Ish said, "Totally. I will get you a new dress, tomorrow, of your choice."

Niya had expected something smaller, but she was happy with the dress agreement. She agreed.

Niya went outside and called Adit, "Adit, you all were right. He does not know we all are here. We did cut the cake now. He went to take bath as I smeared the cake on his face and head. He has no clue we all are here. If you all come now, before he comes out of the bath, we can keep our arrangements ready."

It was 12.30 am, and everyone quickly assembled near the door. Other local friends came right on time. They all hastily rushed inside the house. Everyone was teasing Niya for losing the bet. Niya had held her head down for she did not want to speak anything odd and get caught form the lie she was hiding. She had lost an ice cream bet and won a lot from it which no one else knew. More than all of that, she had realized that Ish was right.

There was a spark on everyone's face. They were excited because Ish did not know this. Niya felt happy. She thanked Ish silently. She understood how matured he was. If she had not lied, then possibly no one would have been this excited. No one would have prepared with this excitement for celebration.

The decorative stuffed in the bag was pulled out. Everyone had something in hand to be hanged, to be lighted, to be pasted or to be arranged. They also took the help of Ish's mom and dad and decorated everything around. Everything was ready.

A huge cake was placed at the center of the hall on a round table. The number candle on the cake danced in glee amidst all the candles lighted around the table. It was a fruit cake – Ish's favorite. The present was wrapped in a blue color cover. When they got the hint that Ish was about to come out of the bathroom, they quickly hid in rooms and behind curtains. Ish came out in shorts, shirtless, with a towel on his shoulder. He stood there in surprise, awed to see all the decorations. As a surprise, and not really as a surprise to Ish, everyone came out loud and cheering "SURRRPRRRRIIISEEEEE!!!"

Ish rushed to his room and came out wearing a black t-shirt. He had this 'this is not going to stop' smiles. They all hugged each other, and everyone took turns and wished Ish with a hand shake. Ish had those tears of happiness. His eyes sparkled. They had a story. Niya was in astonishing appreciation of Ish's acting skills. He had nailed the surprise part cent percent. There was not a single hint that he was acting or he knew about this. He looked contented, and Niya could notice the happiness he was in. It was genuine — not every day one smiles with gratification expressed all over the face. Ish jumped out, shouting loud – Fruit Cake. He thanked everyone again and stood in front of the cake.

He blew the candles, cut the cake while the birthday song was sung. The first piece, he offered it to his mother, and then no one waited. The cake was grabbed, a little smeared to faces, and the rest reached the tummy. Ish got birthday bumps, gentle ones, keeping up the friendly tradition. Ish was forced to open the present while others grabbed more cake. They made sure that Ish got the smallest part of the cake.

The present was a customized diary and a shirt. There was no other gift that would make Ish happier. The diary was in velvet blue with a hardbound cover. The diary was divided into seven sections, all colored in light shades of the rainbow. Each section took a color, and each page had a design running across the corners and borders. There were places to stick pictures and bookmarks. It was unique. The first page of the diary had letters printed and pasted with the words – 'i 4 you'. The last page had signs from everyone with a small note written to Ish. The 4 stood for all the four-letter words dedicated to Ish. Love, Hate, Care, Like and everything else that could fit in into the XXXX. Ish announced he would write a novel worth that diary. He promised he would do it before the next birthday.

The center of attraction after Ish was Niya. She had lost the bet and the group had a person and a topic to tease.

After the cake, chips and cold drinks, everyone craved for an ice-cream.

"There is one ice-cream parlor nearby. It's usually open till late midnight. "

"How midnight?"

"I have been there once at 3.00 am."

"Oh, it's just 1.00 am now. We should sure check out."

"Let's go!"

"Niya, keep your purse! You got to treat us!"

"Okay. I will. Let's go."

The pathway had the gags, street dogs scared, a lot of memories, topped with a variety of delicious ice-creams. For a change, Niya had fallen in love with Ish. Adit to her that day did not matter. The discussion went on till 3.00 am, and finally, they all decided to sleep. The local friends went back to their homes, and others settled down in Ish's place. It was for the first time all of Ish's friends were together. That is how Ish and Mihita had talked about a similar kind of interests in starting a new company. That is from when the interaction between Mihita and Ish had increased. That is when Ish had found out that Mihita and Adit had something going on. Whatever it was to name, Ish had the best birthday of his life.

19. I Hate You

This one, titled, is for Tanu. Tanu walked into the office with her impressive resume asking for a job and expressing how badly she needed it. More than her need, which she expressed in her HR round, she left a positive impression in the technical interview. Okay, we are not an established company, but we have etiquettes that are followed. She was offered the job the very next day.

With her dedication, she had got credibility to the company in the very first month. There were no role-wise specific jobs, but she did more than what she was expected to do. She got a raise the very second month.

No, it's not the hate because she was better than me. It was because, after four months, she vanished. She disappeared. The address she had given was not a valid one. She was not reachable on the phone, and I guess she had taken a temporary number. She was not found on any form of social media. I am not even sure if Tanu was her real name. It could be something else. She had said her date of birth was February 29th. She had told her father was of the same age as mine. She had no other siblings as I did.

None of it was real including everything that was mentioned in her resume. She was not a student at the college she had mentioned. The resume, now it looked bizarre. I looked stupid.

I did not want to lodge a police complaint. She did not deserve that. I don't believe; still, she had or has a darker side. Not for a moment, I doubted her - neither her skills nor her behavior. Ah, perfection, her 'perfection' possibly that must have been the hint. How can someone be so perfect? That was the clue. I could not catch it. Was she really in need of it? Why would she run away with ten lakhs of cash that belonged to the company? Would not I lend if she was really in need of it for a genuine reason? Would I say no? Why?

I hate Tanu. Or whatever is her name. I also hate anyone with that name.

20. I Like You

Ish.

The days are dark,

The blanket is brown,

I am talking to fantasies,

Tucking inside sheets.

Version zero me,

Known only to mine!

With Ish, the walk was never alone. He had commitment issues. The issues of getting committed more than necessary. He had this eye of looking at the brighter side of the circumstances even at unusual situations. He was a man of patience. He considered himself to be a well-off kid, but his definition of that certainly did not involve money. Status quo was a status quo, and he felt it was a bookish concept for a fictional exam. Most of his pocket money was spent on purchasing books, and it did not bother him that he had spent his entire college life in four pair of dresses. Though not explicitly declared, he felt he had a responsible shoulder.

While his friends backed up on tuitions, he was on his own to secure the mandatory marks to get into an undergraduate college of his choice. During his class 11 and 12, he used to work with his family business after his college hours. As his parents were striving for the betterment, he felt responsible too. He used to spend the given money mostly on books and least cared for what he wears or how he commutes. After his school life, Adit was his only friend. He did not want to be in any such bonding where a friend invites to a movie, and he cannot join because of his family issues. So he had decided to stay with Adit and concentrate on his studies for the two years. He always had his school friend Adit, but after 10th, his father had got a transfer, and they had shifted to Bangalore. One Adit was replaced by another Adit. It was Ish who had gotten himself introduced by hearing the name 'Adit.' He badly needed a replacement for his old friend and one with same name was a celebration. This new Adit was a reserved one. Old Adit and new Adit, they both were opposite. The older one was extrovert, and the new one was an introvert. New one was a synonym for a loner.

The introvert nature worked best with Ish. They used to meet for study discussions and keep the meets mostly related to college works only. Adit preferred that and Ish desired that. The bonding was working well, and for those two years 'study' was the only thing they did.

Ish used to leave home at 5.30 am in the morning, attend his tuitions, attend classes, evening tuitions again and then head to home by around 7.00 pm in the evening. Some days he used to eat, and some days he used to skip. It mostly depended on the day's schedule. Adit was precisely the same. Ish skips lunch; Adit does too. Adit has evening snacks; Ish does too.

Ish had become thin and pale. The lost weight did not concern him. At times he used to sit in the classroom and cry. He did not know why exactly he used to. He was not sure if it was the hunger or his emotions. However, the goal of doing well in the exams kept him going. He wanted to secure good results so that he could opt for engineering in his hometown itself and be a help to his mother and father in their business.

Ish used to be tired after he used to reach home every day. He used to help his mother and father with business transactions, and then they used to have dinner together. After his parents slept, Ish used to study till midnight 2-ish. However, after first year when he got his results, he had only managed to pass. He had decided to quit his studies and look after the business. He had expressed it to his parents that he was not able to cope up with heavy books and concepts. His parents were under confusion too. Till class ten it was different. But college books were poles apart. There was nothing fixed like in schools to study, and Ish was messed up. He did not exactly know how to tackle it, and it did not concern him.

It was his father who had suggested him not to worry about the score and read for the pleasure, as much he could. He had told him the degree was to get a good girl as many might not opt for a business family. Ish with shy had agreed. The tuitions for class 12 had begun during vacations. Ish used to feel that Mathematics was very complicated. He never understood most of it.

He used to spend hours and hours at night, staring at complex mathematical formulae. He never understood why it was made so complicated. He used to read line by line, word by word, trying to understand what exactly the book was trying to say. In the first tuition test, Ish had scored well. Study with 'no stress' was working out for his best. As his dad had suggested, he used to read with no exam pressure and for understanding. Adit had started helping him too, and with time, came good scores. The good scores made him improve and strive a little more than last time.

He used to study only ten pages at a time but also along, understand them correctly. He used to write answers only for the understood part with perfection and get a perfect score for those answers. This effort slowly improved with time. He started feeling confident about himself. The freedom of a free mind was benefitting him in a lot of directions.

Life wasn't easy. Days came with pestering over one problem for an entire day and trying to figure out why the answer was 1 or 0. There were many sleepless nights. During weekends Adit and Ish used to stay together and study the whole day and night with minimal sleep.

At times Ish used to cry, looking at other students who used to discuss movies and parties. At times he used to cry because he used to feel lonely. There was nothing else apart from self-talk to boost his morale and confidence. He had decided not to do anything which would set back his study life. For goodness sake, things went right and much better than expected.

As the results were out, he had sufficient score to pursue engineering in his hometown. Adit opted for a college in Bangalore. To the best of time, even their financial status had improved. It was in engineering he had met Niya. It was her who had added colors back in his life. He had the best school life because of Adit. He had the much needed pre-university experience because of the second Adit. He had the best engineering life because of Niya.

It was in these two years; Adit felt matured. He had understood life, and the real meaning of it as against most of his aged students would never understand that. He understood life on a very different terms. He had learned and practiced patience. He had learned how to survive on an empty stomach without losing control of his mind. He had discovered that life is about achievement. He had determined how to be happy even when one is a loner.

In the gathering of life,

Amongst all the populace,

With all the recognized,

Friends, family, crowd,

There lies a vicious circle.

At the very every end,

One is,

Unconditionally alone.

Ish had learned to stop complaining about life. He had understood the meaning of living in a very different perspective. He had realized that no matter how many friends one has; there will always be a situation where one has to face alone. He had learned to handle the many situations of life.

Ish, like others, also used to have emotional swings. When he felt alone or when he felt too happy or on any other random day, he used to write his daily diary. He knew it was not healthy to express one's emotions in front of the world. He knew there would be people who would laugh at it. Not just other people, he knew he would laugh at himself down the line. He did not want his bad memories to be laughed at. He knew they were as precious as the happy ones. But it was better to keep them under the cover.

Ish knew what to ask and what not. He was gentleman at a gathering and crap with his friends. The only thing he had spent money on was the books. And he knew it would mostly be so in the future too! Ish believed in 'dream big' and for that to happen he knew he had to work big.

Ish did not want to leave his hometown and settle in a different place. He wanted to stay put with his parents. A walk with his pets in the evenings would make him happier than a high earning job in a crowded mess. He wanted to do something innovative. He wanted to contribute something in the research. That is why he had set up his own company in his hometown, Hubli.

Ish was about to reach his thirties, and his life was going the very usual way. Mostly work, and the occasional meet up with friends. Life was going on the road where there was no definite way. There was no destination. There was just every day like every other day.

21. I Don't You

Note:

'I' here is not 'I' like it means. It's more of every kind of 'I' if you know what I mean. A very abstract metaphor. It could be a person, bird, bag, rain, etc. Anything. Just anything. I am not talking of anything here that is way direct and easily understandable. I prefer to say that it is a generalization of several contexts.

I see things that I don't intend to. So does the words. I am not aware of the context, so I decide not to come up with any conclusions. I am still happy. Because hey, there are always reasons to celebrate. You restore that in me.

I sleep at times with leaking thoughts (okay, I am full). I need arms that wrap me around to comfort. Those arms that would mean more than anything else in the world and beyond every material comforts. A hug is as soothing as a heart connecting lyrics. But it's imaginary because currently, you are beyond physical reach. You are not very far. But far enough from the expectations.

I have desires. They are not infinite or beyond. They are small and reachable. They seem to move far. I want to blame you. I almost want to. I don't know what stops me. I quit. I know it's not evil to have small desires.

Sometimes I take bath singing fun songs. That I do, because at times bath goes too much of sob and cry. The running tap water saves me from a bunch of things. The bathroom is also sometimes a quick negligible routine. You don't have any role here. I still bring you up and complain/compliment.

I have worries, and I have been workaholic. I feel work eats up my worry. It does not happen so. Instead, it makes work tedious and worry-some. I think of you and pretend to assure myself everything is alright.

There is this crowd, and the crowd is so sophisticated that it has no representation. But that crowd does not make any sense to me. There is this one tiny thing in that complex, and that is all matters. For no reason, in that tiny thing, you are there.

No one heard my cry. No one would understand what I am going through. And no one needs to understand that. It's not necessary. It's an integral part of me, and I decide the flow. I put pretty faces and pace and what not. I tell you everything is beautiful. You smile and say things are beautiful because of you. I don't want to, but I accept it. As a matter of fact, I don't have any argument or proof to come to any conclusion. I decide to agree on certain things with no basis.

I want to be in a zone where there is loud music, woofer, and beats that mask every pain. Then I want to forget everything and sing my song, my lyrics. I don't know what role you have there. Just be there.

I don't know what it takes,

I don't know-how,

I don't know where it leads,

I don't know when,

I don't know what I don't know,

But I know you and,

You are there.

I very much know that, that 'You' is part of me. A part of me. A better version of me that keeps me going ahead. Thank 'you.' You are doing an incredible job out there.

'Completeness' is not an everyday feeling, or maybe it does not even qualify as a considerate feeling. Completeness is a temporal expression, and it would lose its essence if so, not the case. Let's ask this question 'Is anything in life ever complete?' Let's leave it there hanging as any further exploration would still be incomplete.

We are not meant to make sense in every universe all the time. A leap of longish faith conversation might be a load of crap to the third. Though we paint the picture of everyday life with varying emotions, they seem stupid the very next day. In an optional debate where we can agree to disagree, let's pick and point something in specific.

In the random weird world where most times are lethargic and lackluster circumstances, the shoes always mismatch. Sometimes it's the sock. Then there is a tie as well. Handkerchief might be missing, or the top is too tight, or the color isn't just right. Like said, we are not meant to make sense all the time.

Who does? Who makes sense? Who 'makes' sense? Or who makes 'sense'? Making sense is somewhere somewhat associated with completeness. This completeness does not come easily from within. It mostly is an effect and affects from the surrounding we have built. Those we have prioritized. Those whose words we have made influence our life.

People,

Who makes sense,

Hold your hand,

Take through the path,

Where thus far you felt,

You walked alone.

People who make sense are seldom found in our zone of comfort. They are 'by and large' randomly shuffled along the corners of the world where we are never expected to look over.

Part E

Nitya's Adit
22. I Very You

It's been a week Adit is dead. Adit and Nitya are in deep sorrow and are unable to recover yet. Adit having Schizophrenia, known from a year, was miserably counting his days. In spite a week past, Nitya has the scene flashing vividly, the way Adit's mother had howled deafeningly when the news was out from the hospital ward.

Adit and Nitya sit on the couch in absolute silence.

Nitya – You remember Adit handed a diary and asked to get it published a month before he passed away?

Adit – I remember. It's the same one we had presented him on his birthday.

Nitya – Yes. 'i 4 you'. That's what it said. He had ages ago promised that he would get it published the following year we gifted. I wonder why he did not.

Adit – I guess we must read it.

Nitya – Yeah. We must. We did forget that one amidst all the chaos.

Adit got it from his cupboard. They kept in front of them and started reading it together, page by page.
23. I Stun You

Adit and Nitya finish reading the novel written by writer Adit. Adit used to write under the pen name 'Ish'. Now that he knew he was going to die, he had written the novel with the lead character named after Ish. The novel had his life story. Part A to Part D is what Ish had written, which Adit, and Nitya have finished reading.

Nitya – "Gosh! I don't know where to start! Do you see this is such a brain fuck? For us?"

Adit – "He first confuses the reader with the name Adit."

Nitya – "Do you see that? Oh god, do you see that? Mihita? Do you think Niya and Mihita together makes my name – Nitya? My Name?"

Adit – "Maybe that! Yes. It is so. You see, he loved you!"

Nitya – "He never expressed!"

Adit – "Did you notice? He never used your name in the story. There is Nitya nowhere mentioned."

Nitya – "He killed an Adit. He kept Ish. He knew he was dying. But he gave his disease to character Mihita!"

Adit – "We are three friends. Me, you, and Him. He has put our story splitting them into five characters not using your name. Was it the disease? Did it have an impact?"

Nitya – "I don't know. I miss him"

Adit – "I miss him too!"

Nitya – "How clever is the plot set? I mean all this, see, I have goosebumps!"

Adit – "I am in wonders!"

Nitya – "Did you see how he used my birthday? February 29th? February 29th everywhere!"

Adit – "Did you see the girl he mentions during the internship, Shriya? It's you! It was me who had suggested you to gift the novel 'P.S. I Love You' as it was one of his favorites. Did you see how he scripted it? It was heart-melting!"

Nitya – "Those letters?"

Adit – "Gosh! He addressed the first one to Adit."

Nitya – "And talked wicked about everyone around. For Mihita, there was nothing more important than Adit."

Adit – "It means to Adit there was nothing more important than Nitya."

Nitya – "In the second, he calls us all ugly, oh, we are, and uses my birthday again. February 29th."

Adit – "In the third, smoke and drinks? How did that come by? Used one to get into bed? How did that come for? "

Nitya – "Pixu murdered? And his parents?"

Adit - "Do you think all this stands for something?"

Nitya – "It's hard to guess. Unless he does it, which we know, now, he cannot."

Adit – "I just hate the fifth letter."

Nitya – "Do you see how the story is weaved? With a lot of tangled threads? It's we three in so many forms."

Adit – "Just like our life. Just like our damn life. "

Nitya – "There are a lot of tiny connected details. Mihita, Ish, Pixu, they all have similar character traits."

Adit – "What are you referring to?"

Nitya – "In the first part, he says both Adit and Ish had hugged her after the engagement. That is where Ish is mentioned for the first time. But in Part D, it is not mentioned. There is no hug. He wanted to hug me after the engagement. But he did not!"

Adit - "Ah, oh my god!"

Nitya – "I feel devastated. That girl who looted his company, Tanu, that was me again. I had worked in his company for a month when I was free during my job change. Was that money metaphor to heart? Like I ran away with heart? His heart??"

Adit – "I am confused. He has fallen in love with you again and again! Every single time!"

Nitya – "He loved me. Like his life!"

Adit – "I feel guilty! I asked him to purchase our engagement rings! You know those rings are his gift. He has not taken any money for it."

Nitya – "Really? Gosh!"

Adit – "Every girl he writes about is you Nitya. Just the different names and rest is you and your story."

Nitya – "Pixu? I now remember. My childhood love! He had died from an accident when he was young. I liked him. Do you see it? He has captured every little detail of my life events. He knows and remembers it all."

Adit – "That one year where you were in the hostel when your dad and mom got transferred? You were under caretakers for a year! They later went to all India tour. That is there in the story too."

Nitya – "He has put every detail of my life events. He has not written about himself. He made my life as his and then presented it as a story. This is love Adit. This is unconditional and un-believable."

Adit – "He knows your favorite author is Auguste Comte."

Nitya – "He was going through a lot of pain."

Adit – "That love letter; it is so deep!"

Nitya – "Gosh, I read it like ten times. I could feel every word of it."

Nitya – "Remember how we decided to get register marriage first, and then we canceled it? He took it as part of the story, and that day he killed a character Adit."

Adit – "I don't know what to say! He should not have had this disease."

Nitya – "Now, we know! He was a friend that everyone in life should have!"

Adit – "I am feeling guilty. A lot"

Nitya – "What about me? What should I feel?"

Nitya started crying out loud, again.

Adit – "I am glad to have spent my childhood with him."

Nitya – "I don't know what to say! He made my engineering life."

Adit – "He was all alone during his class 11 and 12. But he never made himself feel so. He thought I was always beside him. He made an introvert version of my character. He wanted me Nitya. I was not with him."

Nitya – "I want a baby boy, and I want to name him Ish. I hope he will be in my life as my son. That is the only way I can shower him the unconditional love like the one he had on me."

Adit shouted and cried loudly. Nitya was down, on the floor, hugging the diary and crying like a baby.

Crying, probably is not the word. Adit and Nitya had lost the world. They were profoundly missing their writer friend Adit (AKA Ish). They wanted to hold and hug him tight. They wanted to feel his presence and warmth.
24. I Know You

It's been two weeks, Adit and Nitya want to get the story written by Adit (AKA Ish) published. They are not able to decide on how to give it an end.

Every time they read, they cry. And you have only completed reading the incomplete story.

I love this

Fanatical – Fixated,

Alluring – Abnormal,

Awesome – Awful,

Clear – Confusing,

Wow – Weird,

Magical – Miracle,

Almost – At times,

Still, Beautiful Life!

Goodbye.

But we aren't done yet!

Your Love!

It means a lot to know your thoughts.

Kindly leave your review/rating at Goodreads:

https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/52457020-i-4-you

Prakash Hegade

By no means had he thought, starting a blog out of research frustration would end up in writing a novel. It was NaNoWriMo 2016 that did the miracle. Prakash works in Academia as an Assistant Professor in KLE Technological University, Hubballi and also runs his start-up Knit Arena. Prakash has four years of Industry experience and seven years of academia (as of 2020). He has been working as Municipal Liaison, India, for NaNoWriMo since 2017. As much as he enjoys writing his research papers, so much does he with quick poems (Instagram: prakash.hegade) and blog posts (Wordpress: https://itsphblog.wordpress.com/).

Prakash Hegade
