
Agne: Inside the Mind of a Narcissist

Rowan Knight

Published by 22 Lions Publishing, 2019.
This is a work of fiction. Similarities to real people, places, or events are entirely coincidental.

AGNE: INSIDE THE MIND OF A NARCISSIST

**First edition. June 8, 2019.**

Copyright (C) 2019 Rowan Knight.

ISBN: 978-1393041542

Written by Rowan Knight.

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# Table of Contents

Title Page

Copyright Page

Title Page

About the Publisher

Introduction

Chapter 1

Chapter 2

Chapter 3

Chapter 4

Chapter 5

Chapter 6

Chapter 7

Chapter 8

Chapter 9

Chapter 10

Chapter 11

Chapter 12

Chapter 13

Chapter 14

Book Review Request

Booklist

About the Publisher

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# Title Page

Agne: Inside the Mind of a Narcissist

By Rowan Knight

Copyright (C) Rowan Knight, 2019 (1st Ed.) All Rights Reserved.

Published by 22 Lions Bookstore and Publishing House

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# About the Publisher

About the 22 Lions Bookstore:

www.22Lions.com

Facebook.com/22Lions

Twitter.com/22lionsbookshop

Instagram.com/22lionsbookshop

Pinterest.com/22lionsbookshop

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# Introduction

"I do not want to lose you. I don't know what to do. This relationship was such a mess the whole time, and never, never worked. And I know it was because of me. It was and still is only my fault. My fault you are unhappy and my fault I am still not grown up enough, my fault for all the provocations" (Agne).

These were some of her last words. And yet, "something inside just dies when we confront the spirit in which a narcissist does what she does. That is a confrontation with the pure will to evil. You stand on the edge of the abyss and look down into their soul and see there is no bottom" (Kathy Krajco).

In any relationship with such personalities, you enter a lost battle for an impossible love, in which you see faith and hope being crushed to pieces.

Such was also the case with Agne. And this is her true story, unveiling her words and thoughts, which her own family was never able to comprehend. So many times she misguided others, putting her partner in the middle of insinuations, assumptions and descriptions that had nothing to do with his true intent, just to hide herself and her dark world of viciousness.

Most people may never find the truth about Agne, they may never be able to accept such truth either, for it is far much darker than anyone could imagine, but this book will surely reveal to you everything there is to know about her darkness and disturbed mind.

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# Chapter 1

I met Agne in the exact same day I moved to Lithuania -- Friday, the 13 of January 2017.

When I arrived, it was late at night, but some friends that I had met when visiting Lithuania for the first time where joining in a bar nearby my temporary apartment, and so I went there to see them and noticed her for the first time. She was the prettiest in the group and hard to ignore. My first impression was that she was much younger than me, so when I met her, I talked to her as I would talk to any funny teenager.

I was aware that she was pretty, but too young for me.

Meanwhile, I was meeting many people and being invited to different events, and the situation reached a point in which it seemed impossible to avoid her wherever I went.

She was always provoking me too.

On the second night, drunk and high on cannabis, she was already grabbing my hands and my ass in a club where we all went, flirting in the least discreet way possible. And as I sill didn't give her what she wanted, she then kissed one of my female friends while turning to me and asking:

-- "Are you jealous?"

I wasn't. The friend she kissed was overweight and unattractive. And Agne was too young to attract me in a sexual way.

However, months later, she told me the following, when remembering that night:

-- "I was only trying to see if I could get you, as you seemed cool; I didn't even care about your age until you told me."

At that point, I was still not showing much interest towards her, and she resented that. But I eventually invited her out for a dinner to get to know her a little better -- February, the 14th. Somehow, I felt bad that she was spending Valentine's Day alone.

As soon as I apologized for my previous behavior, she didn't waste any time and grabbed my hand, while saying with a big smile:

-- "It is ok".

I also said that I really liked her and was hoping we could be friends. And her face started glowing with enthusiasm.

After that night, she was the one inviting me out every evening after work; and even though I wasn't quite sure of what was going on between us.

She would make it clear enough eventually, when one night, during a chat online, she invited herself to sleep in my apartment.

Once the relationship started, she went from acting shy and naive to showing me another persona. Soon I would know that she lied when I asked how many sexual partners she had and she replied:

-- "Only two".

Agne pretended to be shy but is very promiscuous. She's also very insulting, reason why, after a few days only, I would end the relationship that had barely started.

She apologized what occurred by texting me:

-- "I am always evil to my boyfriends, because I can't control myself. But I promise you, I will do what you say, and not misbehave anymore."

Her promises never really went anywhere, and many times I tried to end the relationship again, even though she didn't allow it and would find schemes to get it back.

I felt stuck, between loving someone and dealing with her mental illness.

She kept apologizing for her behavior, while never truly changing.

I talked about it with some friends and they told me I should take responsibility for the situation. And so, I did.

I asked her if she wanted to live with me and far from the environment where I found her, that is, living in a tiny loft and sleeping in the same bed of a gay man -- one of her best friends.

Her friends have no value, and I soon noticed too that they didn't like me and were trying to separate us.

I was moving too fast into her life, and changing her too.

I tolerated their presence until I realized that she is easily manipulated by their opinion and then creates fights based on what they say. That's when I prohibited her from meeting with Samantha, Ramune and that gay friend -- Marius.

I'm not the type of person that likes to tell others what to do, but I wasn't going to play the victim game here and be in the middle of their dramas.

She fought the idea at first, then seemed to agree, but kept meeting them behind my back, or creating fights whenever she wanted to meet them, to have an excuse to leave the house, party, smoke weed and get drunk.

I guess old habits are really hard to break.

She actually admitted creating fights on purpose, especially when I prohibited her from clubbing or getting drunk, to be able to leave the apartment against my will.

Basically, Agne refused to follow any rules whatsoever, including the simplest ones: No weed, no more than two beers a night, and no partying after midnight.

She never followed any agreements between us either. She chose to lie and do whatever she wanted behind my back.

When I noticed that she was unable to compromise, I told her the following:

-- "You can smoke weed, be drunk every weekend and party with your friends, as always. You just won't see me anymore. But then you are free to meet someone else."

Agne wasn't willing to either change anything or allow me to leave her life. She would always lie about what she does to hold me back, to stop me from meeting other people and find a new relationship for myself.

All her promises were just a lie. Any attempt at controlling her behavior, complaining about what she did or stoping her insults, was for her a form of suppression, or so she said.

When angry, she always repeated:

-- "I do whatever I want."

Agne was constantly insulting me, and if she couldn't see a reaction, she would just keep doing it, as if she was dependent on the drama. And what really made me mad was that I saw a smile on her face whenever I reacted with anger.

It is difficult to determine how insane or how evil she truly is, because then, when I didn't talk to her and ignored her, she would stay in the house, depressed, watching movies and crying alone.

She would do the same even when we traveled.

I remember that she completely wasted our vacations in Spain, by always creating fights out of nowhere and then going back to the house to cry the whole day.

The relationship with her was a never-ending rollercoaster. In the end, I could't plan anything and my life was going nowhere. I couldn't even make plans with her because I couldn't get agreements on anything related to our future.

Her life was going nowhere and she ended up blocking mine too. It is as if she did not want the relationship to work from the beginning.

If I told her to control herself, she would, but for a few minutes only. It's really as if her brain was always on automatic mode.

I once even asked:

-- "Are you trying to create a fight?"

Her reaction was to laugh, and then proceed to actually do it. It's as if she was playing with my emotions like a game, like a psychopath.

It was like seeing different personalities in the same body as well. And I think that's why I fell for it. I wanted to believe, as anyone else, that she can act like a normal human being. And yet, it is difficult to trust someone who says:

-- "I'm always thinking about what would happen if I cheated on you and you found."

When I asked if this was a confession or a test, she denied both, saying it was a random thought. But what kind of random thought is this?

It's not random when I compare it to many other things she told me, namely:

-- "I need sex; I can't live without sex."

-- "Most men I had sex with where ugly but I was single and I needed sex".

Those statements made it very hard to believe that she would want to marry me, even though she actually asked me several times to offer her a wedding ring and propose.

I did offer her a gold ring on her birthday, as she wanted -- the first birthday I celebrated with her -- on May 2017. And when receiving it, she asked me to propose her marriage.

I did not. Instead, I told her that, if she changed, she would get that proposal on May 2018 -- her next anniversary.

I wanted her to have something of value to hope for, which would motivate her to become a better person.

I was disappointed when she later said:

-- "You know, in some cultures women only accept gifts in gold, so that they can have money when divorcing."

She also told me many times that she would like to have children with me, but I started to doubt her intentions when she later said:

-- "I am afraid that if one day we have a baby, you won't let me go out to party with my friends, and instead demand that I stay at home taking care of our son."

On the 28th of June 2017, merely four months into the relationship, it was already clear that it had no future. And taking into consideration that I found condoms in her purse around this period, she had already, and most likely, cheated several times.

Her reaction when I found the condoms, was to smile and provocatively say:

-- "It's for when I am raped."

When I told her that, if she has condoms with her and is always thinking about cheating, she should just go ahead and do it, if she didn't already, her answer was:

-- "Thanks! I will!"

We had another fight because of this, and she left the house in that afternoon.

Later in the evening, when I asked where she had been, she replied:

-- "I do whatever I want, because I'm not in a relationship anymore, and I can fuck whoever I want".

Agne always saw our fights as an excuse to have casual sex outside the relationship, and without guilt.

It didn't matter that we had merely broken up only a few days or hours before, or that we shared an apartment together.

These fights weren't just about behaviors she had behind my back. They were also about what she did in front of me.

When confronted about her need to openly flirt with other men whenever I was next to her, or stare at other men passing by in the street while holding hands with me, or even about allowing men to chat with her and touch her in clubs and in meetups with friends, including an ex-boyfriend, and right in front of my eyes, she would answer:

-- "I can talk to strangers in clubs, and I won't ignore them just because you want".

In what regards the former boyfriend, she said:

-- "I can let him touch me and I can talk to him and I won't push him away just because you want".

In what regards flirting with men on her smartphone, she said:

-- "They're my friends and I have the right to chat with them."

The excuse, if there was one, was always the same:

-- "He's just a friend and has a girlfriend."

Apart from these, other justifications never felt right as well, such as:

-- "I need better sex, because you are boring."

-- "You're fucking old; you're too old for me, and our age gap freaks me out."

-- "You did something for your former girlfriends to cheat; you deserved it."

How could anyone interpret these phrases when, for example, she arrives home with her mouth smelling like she sucked a cock, after, supposedly, volunteering in an activity with coworkers? Why would I believe that she wasn't cheating, if her mouth smells like this in the same day that she confesses to always be thinking about cheating?

Isn't it too much of a coincidence?

Her sarcastic answer was:

-- "It won't happen again because next time I will bring chewing gum."

This wasn't the first time she acted weirdly.

One of our first fights was because she told me that she had gone to Kaunas to party with friends, and ended up sleeping there, according to her, in the house of a DJ.

So, basically, she went out to party alone, during a day in which I was feeling sick, and then spent the night there, with some random guy.

Her first lie about it was that he was a friend, and the second was that he had a girlfriend.

She would later confess that he was a friend of her female friend and that he was single. And yet, it was not her female friend who invited her to party and spend the night in another city, but a man.

She said it was her boyfriend. But Agne always has a different lie prepared for any occasion.

Not long after this, she would arrive at 4am, without telling me where she had been, and replying only:

-- "It's not of your business where I go."

A sentence that combines perfectly well with others, quite similar, such as:

-- "I don't respect you. I only respect my friends because they make me happy."

-- "If you think I cheated, I will."

-- "If you stop me from partying with friends, I will feel like cheating."

-- "I don't want you with me when I'm drunk with my friends."

-- "I don't remember what I do when I'm drunk."

-- "Don't ask what you can't handle."

-- "I need sex and I fuck whoever I want."

-- "I wish you had muscles and tattoos (like some guys I fucked with)."

-- "I was trying to cheat on you but that's the past and you should shut up now."

-- "I never loved you. That's why I was always checking other guys, even while next to you. That's why I was always texting with other guys. I was still choosing the best one for me."

Agne wasn't trying to cheat for nearly two years, as she claimed, but actually cheating.

Among the many things she said related to it, the most incriminating is probably the one she mentioned on the 23 of February 2018, when I asked her if she had already cheated on me. She replied:

-- "Why do you ask about things that happened months ago?"

If there was still any doubt about the fact that she had cheated already, a phrase that she told me on March 2019, clarifies it:

-- "Whenever a man loves a woman, it is normal that he accepts her back when she cheats."

This phrase matches another she had told me before:

-- "If you can forgive one of your ex-girlfriends for cheating, you should forgive me too."

It is obvious that Agne can't control herself, in front of me, or even alone. So cheating and lying about her actions comes out as normal to her, especially, if she can use the excuse of "we had a fight and we were not in a relationship during those days".

The fact that we shared a house and bed changed nothing in her head.

Agne has no empathy for anyone and refuses to follow any rules; and she can't control herself when receiving attention from men.

She has zero capability to control herself when horny. She's a Narcissist and a Nymphomaniac. She even admitted to have sex with more than five men in one year only, before meeting me: Two Portuguese, one Lithuanian, one Spaniard and one Chilean. But she's an expert liar, which means she can say something like, "No, nothing happened", in the same way that she lies about anything else, including the average number of guys she slept with, which is probably more than ten for one year only.

Her response to one of my messages actually indicates a number far above that.

---

I said, "Then I find you fucked dozens of guys", and she answered: "So?"

That's dozens of guys before she was even 23 years old.

I did try to get the exact number, but she said:

-- "Don't ask about things you're not ready to know."

It became obvious that she suffers from Narcissistic Personality Disorder: "Arrogant behavior; lack of empathy for other people; self-centered; manipulative and demanding; aggressive; sensation-seeker (e.g., risky sex); preoccupied with the superficial aspects of life; never taking responsibility; talks the talk but doesn't walk the walk" (in Psychologytoday.com).

Many other sources confirm the same: "Narcissism produces a distorted self-image, an oversized ego, and a presumption of superiority not based on any real-world accomplishments. Narcissists reveal their feelings about themselves and others through their actions, which are often manipulative and self-centered. People with NPD cannot relate to or understand the suffering of others, especially, when they're the ones responsible for the pain. If confronted with the truth about how their behavior has caused harm, narcissists will react with denial or confusion, asserting their innocence while demonstrating no real sympathy or compassion. People with narcissistic personality disorder frequently mistreat, manipulate, or abuse the people close to them to get what they want. They see nothing wrong with doing so, since they always put themselves first and do not consider the needs of others to be as important as their own. Their arrogance is a natural reflection of their assumed superiority, and they judge others as a way to elevate themselves. Some, who are included in their inner circles, are treated better, but narcissists are easily disillusioned by others and frequently reject people they once embraced" (in www.bridgestonerecovery.com).

Her mental illness led her to smoke weed regularly, in order to avoid anxiety, which complicated the situation between us furthermore.

Here are the symptoms of Marijuana consumption that she claims to have (In luxury.rehabs.com): "Memory loss; anxiety; distorted perception; learning problems; nervousness; anger/aggression/irritability; bad dreams; restlessness; weight loss; depression."

Apart from being a Narcissist and a Nymphomaniac, Agne is also a Psychopath. And as any other psychopath, she doesn't feel remorse for her actions, and never assumes responsibility for anything. If we breakup, it's always my fault. If she makes me fall from a bicycle by screaming in the middle of a bridge, causing me to nearly fall on the side of the road and die, that is also entirely my fault, according to her.

It didn't matter to her that I was bleeding from my arms in that morning. She went to her job as if nothing had occurred. She did not even cared about how hurt I was.

In Agne's head, everything is literally my fault, even if she cheats or acts insane.

She has no empathy whatsoever, not like any normal human being would. She even justifies herself by saying:

-- "You make me angry."

The only thing that kept my sanity during this crazy relationship was the messages I received from my readers, contradicting everything she was saying about me. One of them even said:

"These books have been a guide for me and have accelerated my progress in ways I could never had imagined. I can find an overwhelming sense of comfort throughout my day no matter my environment or situation. I slow down my tempo as soon as something affects my emotions and I'm right back to my collected self. These are just a few of the many benefits I have received. You are somebody I feel like I can completely trust. Thank you for this spark! You've helped me more than anyone else in this world. You offer the most valuable knowledge and have an amazing ability to bring understanding to life. Words cannot describe how blessed I feel to have come across your work" (Matt O.).

How did Agne reacted to what I did for her or when I showed these messages?

-- "Oh poor you, you sacrifice your awesome life because of me, because you just feel I want to be with you."

It is obvious that Agne has serious mental problems, but the first time I insisted that she should do therapy, and find a psychologist, in order for our relationship to improve, she refused. She said it was too expensive. And within weeks, she spent over $800 on a new iPhone.

Agne has excuses for everything she does, no matter how incongruent, illogical or ridiculous, and her favorite phrases are:

-- "It was a long time ago";

-- "I only did it once"

-- "You are too sensitive."

-- "It's funny to see you mad."

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# Chapter 2

Here are some of Agne's sentences proving that she suffers from Hypersexuality:

-- "I'm not a prostitute because I never accepted any money. I did it for pleasure and I enjoyed it every single time."

-- "I invited guys to sleep with me because I needed sex. There's nothing wrong in having sex with strangers when you are single and they don't pay."

-- "I knew I would not see them again, and that's why I slept with them."

-- "My friends never had one night stands, they just keep the same boyfriend for years, so I don't know what they think about it and I don't care."

As I couldn't get the exact number of sexual partners, I then asked how many men she kissed, to which she answered:

-- "Twenty for sure, but I don't remember exactly."

That, according to my math and the descriptions about when, makes it an average of two guys a month. And I seriously doubt that she did not have sex with each one of them, because Agne is addicted to sex only, not romance.

She confessed several times:

-- "I am only with you because of sex."

There are many proves that Agne is interested only in sex, and not relationships, as when I asked her why she had many one night stands, including last time she returned to Portugal to visit her African ex-boyfriend, but then decided to have sex with a guy she found on the Couchsurfing website instead, after accepting to stay in his own room. Her exact answer was:

-- "I need sex, and I can have sex with whoever I want when I am single. Besides, Rui didn't want to see me; I was in love with him and I was feeling lonely."

In other words, if Agne loves one man but feels lonely, she will sleep with any other. And that explains a lot about the type of relationship I had with her, and why she was disappearing during the night whenever we had fights, with the excuse of partying with friends.

Her words kept reinforcing my beliefs, such as when she said:

-- "It's very easy to find someone in a club to have sex with."

Her attitude towards sex, even before she was 22 years old, was extremely promiscuous in my view.

When she once saw me intrigued about it, she said:

-- "What did you expect? That I was a virgin? If I am single, I can have sex whenever I want."

In order to erase any doubts regarding her Nymphomania, I found her password and opened her Couchsurfing account, and discovered more than three hundred messages and conversations that she almost always initiated by herself, inviting travelers, even before entering the country, to stay in her room, party with her, and have drinks with her.

That's more than three hundred messages that she sent to men in less than two years.

Here are some of those conversations:

Luis: -- "Hi Agne! My name is Luis, I'm a Brazilian traveler and naval engineer. I currently live and work in France, and I'll be visiting Vilnius very soon (from oct 28th to nov 1st, Friday to Tuesday). I already have a place to stay, but it would be nice to have someone to show me around, grab a coffee or some drinks, and teach me some tong twisters in Lithuanian. Let me know if you'll be around and hope to hear from you soon! Cheers, Luis".

Agne's Reply: -- "I think we can arrange that. Let's meet up this week. Grab some coffee."

Toon: -- "Hey, any plans for tonight? My last weekend here."

Agne's Reply: -- "I will go in the bar to play foosball, wanna join?"

Joel: -- "Hi Agne, I'm an American student studying at the Hebrew University in Jerusalem. I've never been to Vilnius before, and I'm really excited to see and explore the city. I liked your profile and wondered if it might be alright for me to stay at your place. If you're free, I'd love to do something fun in the city together. Cheers, Joel".

Agne's Reply: "Hello Joel, Actually, not much I can do due to work days, and about the hosting, need to talk to my roommate, we have only two single beds. Best wishes, Agne".

These two beds that she is referring to, are connected as a single bed, in a tiny loft, which means all the men she accepts are literally sleeping with her.

Only God knows the real number of sex partners she had, but among three hundred messages, it's not hard to count them, and easily deduct dozens of men having sex with her while being accommodated for free in her own small loft.

That's a very good deal indeed, that no man would want to refuse -- free sex and free accommodation.

That's better than sleeping with a young prostitute, which Agne claimed not to be, because, as she said, "never accepted any money".

The following conversation is between her and a Chilean man named Andreas -- on 27 November 2016 -- with whom she had sex because she knew he was leaving the country and she was only interested in his body, as she said it herself.

We had several fights because of him, as she kept contact with him for years, and even met him in front of me and allowed him to touch her, while insulting me and telling me that she can do whatever she wants and I can't stop her from talking to other men, including ex-fuck-friends.

Here's their first conversation online:

Andreas: -- "Hi! How are you Agne? My name is Andreas, I'm from Chile. I have been traveling for 8 months so far! I have been to Brazil, Germany, Lithuania (I love it haha that's why I'm going again), Ukraine, Poland, Russia and now I'm in Thailand. I will go to Sweden very soon and from there to Vilnius!!! It would be great if I can do some Couchsurfing during my time there. I'm a very friendly and relaxed boy. I love smiling and dancing all the time. I think you seem to be very friendly!! It would be really nice to meet you!! And I already know many good places to have fun in Vilnius hehe I can surprise you. And if you can't host me it would also be nice just to meet you. And you have a very nice piercing!!! Looks cool. I hope to hear from you soon!!! Big hugs from sunny Thailand."

Agne: -- "Hello Andreas, how are you doing?"

Andreas: -- "Hi! I'm doing great! Do you have plans for today?"

Agne: -- "I am sorry for my late reply. Well"

Andreas: -- "Don't worry is ok :) we can meet and have some coffee or drink!"

Agne: -- "I am planning to go with my friend in "Alaus namai" (Beer house) because there in an event - Bon Jovi tribute. Fancy to join?"

Andreas: -- "Oh that's nice. At what time?"

Agne: -- "It starts at 9pm. But planning to appear in that place in one hour. But whatever, do you have whatsapp app? Because I am not into this app."

Andreas: -- "Ah ok! Of course!! Add me +569940 and etc......"

They met that night and had sex in the same night. He even posted photos of the event on his Instagram. Agne was sending kisses to the camera while dressed like a whore.

According to the description of two female friends who where with Agne that night, she kept putting her hands in his body to seduce him into having sex with her. Exactly as she did with me in my second night after arriving in Vilnius, and before even having any normal conversation with me.

She basically told her friend that she wanted to have sex with me, and became angry because I refused. Because that's all Agne wants: Quick sex with strangers.

She's not even interested in conversations. Agne is constantly seeking for validation through sex only.

There's really no difference between her and a common prostitute, except that a prostitute has sex with many strangers for money, and Agne does it in order to satisfy her sick and desperate need for validation and attention.

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# Chapter 3

-- "I will do anything you ask."

Agne said this multiple times, just to get me back, even if she never followed through.

She also said the following:

-- "To desire for changes and make changes is way stronger and seems that you do not appreciate that. You are being selfish in many ways. Besides that, you say that I am like this. I admit, but you do not. And always is my fault, I am always guilty, always saying sorry. You are miss perfection in this life... I feel like you need a doll that could have abilities to use a computer, not me or anybody else...  We are like an old boring couple, without any friends and not even going out. In one year, not even a single time we went out. These four walls make me crazy."

Agne always portrays herself as a victim. But let us not overlook reality. She ridicules everything I know and believe, tries to stop my work many times too, just because she needs attention, and starts fights whenever she doesn't have it, like a little child.

She is not mature enough to talk like an adult, and her brain filters reality in a psychopathic way because her responsibility level is zero.

On the other hand, if she never attacked her gay friend or humiliated him, as she did often with me, then maybe it is with him she should continue living.

The many fights we had left me physically sick and mentally exhausted too. I even fell on the stairs of my building on the way home, and more than once, due to psychological exhaustion.

Maybe she does want the relationship but she treats me as any other guy she meets in a club at night, any other stranger she sleeps with.

She even complained accordingly, when saying:

-- "None of the guys I met before treated me like you."

Obviously not, because they lasted for one night only, and they were strangers before that.

Agne doesn't know what a relationship is, as I confirmed by the photos she takes of us. She always portrays me as some fool from a cartoon.

She also manipulates me to get what she wants and puts her selfishness first and ahead of the relationship.

It's actually interesting to notice that she pushed me away -- on August 2018, in order to go clubbing with friends, by saying:

-- "I flirted with guys in front of you because I could see the look in their eyes, I knew they wanted to have sex with me, and I enjoy that feeling a lot. That's why I did it all the time for a whole year and called you paranoid whenever you complained. I lied but it's your problem you believe me when I lie. It's your fault you choose to trust me and take me back. I didn't like any of them but if I had chosen one of them, I would just dump you and move from your place to his house. I also stared at other guys in the street and on the beach because I liked their body and I think I deserve a body like that and not someone fat like you, because I have a good body myself."

After this day, I took some weeks off to travel by myself, which infuriated her greatly.

When I returned and invited her out for a coffee, she arrogantly asked:

-- "Why don't you pick me up by car?"

-- "Why the fuck did you come back?"

-- "Why didn't you take me with you?"

She then invited me for a walk in the park, looking for an opportunity to kiss me.

Once that occurred, she changed her attitude again, and said:

-- "I don't want to be with you because I need some time for myself; I want to see other guys and find a new boyfriend."

When I asked if she was seeing someone else already, she said:

-- "If you knew that I cheated on you, you would not even want to talk to me anymore."

She also seemed irritated, because according to her, most men only text her, and never want to meet. And yet, I do believe that she was already seeing someone, possibly having sex with him, as she admitted that she was using a dating app, while claiming that when we're not together that's not considered cheating.

I persisted on the question, to which she replied:

-- "If you knew I cheated, you would dump me; you don't dump me because you don't know."

-- "If I cheated on you, how did he look like?"

-- "If I cheated on you, which car was he driving?"

Later, when I mentioned the possibility of having sexually transmitted diseases, she answered:

-- "If you think I passed you a disease from other men, you should see a doctor."

It's interesting that she didn't assume that to be an impossibility, a situation which reminded me of another, when after we were apart for several weeks she invited me out and then said:

-- "Every time we fight, I think about the great opportunity that I am losing, of leaving my country to travel with you."

In other words, she never missed the relationship, but the opportunity to travel.

This is what she wrote before I traveled to Ukraine -- on the 10th of June 2018, at 21:01PM:

-- "I do not want to lose you. I don't know what to do. This relationship was such a mess the whole time, and never, never worked. And I know it was because of me. It was and still is only my fault. My fault you are unhappy and my fault I am still not grown up enough, my fault for all the provocations. I need to give you space, but I don't want to wait for that moment when I say sorry, when you are already with another woman. I know you hate me very much, and at the same time you hate me more because you love me. I hate you in a way as well, but I hate more the feeling of not being with you. I want to be with you forever. I want you to believe what I say, I like you, I love you; maybe the dates I said in the beginning were not so accurate, because time flies so fast that I cannot tell the exact date when things happened. But what I told you about drinking or smoking weed was the truth. I want to have a normal life with you, I want to be that woman for you. I got mad when you didn't believe me, because you don't accept my truth. I don't want to lie for you; why would I... I want to see you, I want to hug you. Tonight I had a dream that I woke you up for us to go for a breakfast together."

This message was sent only one month before telling me that she tried to cheat for over a year while living in my own house.

Nearly all the fights I had with Agne, were because she was flirting with men in front of me or seducing men to talk to her in clubs and never telling them that she had a boyfriend.

She admitted this herself, reason why I started opposing her going out by herself to party with her friends.

That, however, didn't stop her. She would rather lose the relationship than stop doing it.

In what regards those situations, she often repeated:

-- "I do whatever I want and you can't stop me from talking to other men."

Agne can't control herself. She's like a little child in a candy store when she sees men. And because of her behaviors in public, I was so embarrassed, that I stopped going out and lost nearly all my local friends.

I couldn't handle the fact that men would hit on her, and she would flirt with them like I am some idiot next to her. After all, was I next to my girlfriend or a hooker?

Agne also insulted me multiple times for not drinking, saying that she could not be in a relationship with someone that doesn't drink alcohol and is vegetarian, and is also religious. She kept saying that we don't match because we have nothing in common. And we surely don't, as I have plenty to offer and she's empty. But I told her that the door of my house was open for her to leave whenever she wanted and find a guy who would get drunk with her and eat chicken with her. I also told her that she could eat meat in front of me, as she did, many times, without any complain from my part. But when all of that didn't work, she started saying:

-- "You are too fucking old."

-- "I don't love you. I am just with you for fun."

Agne is clearly obsessed with drama. And the relationship never ended because she would always find her way to hook me back in, with fake promises, sex, apologies, and many excuses to enter the apartment and pick her endless things.

The truth is that Agne accepts no rules. She always does what she wants. She never stopped smoking weed with her gay friend Marius, or partying whenever she wanted and getting drunk all the time.

She has an excuse for everything she wants to do, and she created fights on purpose to leave the house whenever she wanted. And yet, instead of leaving the relationship, she demanded that I should leave to another country instead.

She even wrote letters to the real-estate agency and the landlord, asking them to change the contract and remove me from it.

She did this without warning me about it. It was done in secret, behind my back.

Her attitude was always between extremes, from showing regret to blaming; many times connecting both extremes to fulfill her hidden agenda.

In fact, she admitted to create many fights on purpose because she also wanted me to breakup with her and leave the country.

Agne said that if I was the one finishing the relationship, she would not feel guilty about it.

Despite saying that, she would always try to get me back by offering sex in explicit ways.

---

For two years, absolutely nothing changed.

Everyone that knows about this story quickly became fed up of it, like a movie a person watches a thousand times, while always knowing how it ends.

Nonetheless, she dared to tell me:

-- "Work harder for us";

-- "Leave the country and I will follow";

-- "I can visit you if you leave."

It was as if she was demanding me to leave to have an excuse for the breakup, but also demanding me to leave for her to be able to quit her job and travel with me.

One way or another, she felt she would win if I wasn't in Lithuania. And, apparently, it didn't make any sense for her to be with me if I had remained.

That's very likely one of the reasons why she got bored and frustrated, losing interest in the relationship.

Maybe that was also the reason why she was targeting wealthy foreigners for sex.

I certainly disappointed her when she found that I wasn't as adventurous or wealthy as she expected.

She was always asking me how much money I make and didn't like to know I was losing a lot after meeting her.

Instead of being supportive, she started partying more, and checking for her options.

Taking into consideration these personality traits, I never understood why she compared herself to other women and asked them questions about their relationship.

It would be a very sad world, if women were all just fucking around, smoking weed, getting drunk, insulting their partners every day, flirting with strangers, making their man mad, lying all the time about everything to everyone, and still expecting to get married or remain married.

Was my life a joke to her? It seems so, when she said things like:

-- "It's not cheating when we're not together."

It's the same phrase she used when she finally admitted to cheat, which means that if the excuse was always the same, so was the lie.

She cheated more than once, on purpose, after creating the excuses for it herself, all of which based on a problem-reaction-solution type of paradigm, that is, she creates the problem, I react, and she then disappears from the house to have sex with whomever she pleases, and for as long as she wants.

We can easily count dozens of men with whom she cheated on me during a period of nearly three years.

Agne actually uses the same strategy that all cheaters use, and the same strategy used on me by other women who have cheated too, reason why I could see it

Nevertheless, I refused to believe the obvious, because I couldn't let go of this cycle without her confession, even if the confession was minimized to one time after three years.

Agne minimizes everything she does.

I also believe she cried only when her ego was hurt, when feeling lonely, and not because she had any empathy for me or anyone else. She is selfish.

That would explain why she complains so much about normal things, as when saying:

-- "You are always giving me threats and rules".

She actually thinks that she can nullify any analysis on her behavior by comparison. She would sometimes answer me:

-- "Your parents were a shit too".

Yes, they were, but I am thousands of books, courses and hours of therapy away from them. She, on the other hand, can't even disagree on what they still tell her to do.

I did a huge job on myself, which started when I was only 14 years old. That's when I begun reading encyclopedias on psychotherapy to help myself, and doing meditation on a daily basis, three times a day.

In college, I was reading more books on psychology than the students of psychology themselves, as they confirmed.

Besides, I was voted to be President of the Student's Union, with the vast majority of the votes coming from psychology students. I was very popular among them. But there is more, as I also went on a psychologist during my years in college for therapy. That psychologist said that I was healthier than most people my age, and even though I grew up in a very dysfunctional environment.

Despite all this work on my background, just a few months before meeting Agne, I went on therapy again, to deal with a breakup, but my test results, before therapy, already showed that I was mentally healthier than most people are. But despite all these facts, Agne tells me:

-- "You faked those results because you know how to do it."

Seriously, if she nullifies anything and everything, and thinks she can compare herself with me, to get away with her way as the only way, it is impossible to answer her as well when she asks:

-- "Why do you think you're better than me?"

She then blames me for calling her stupid, even though admitting:

-- "Even if my friends think that I am stupid, at least, they never say it."

There is only one thing where Agne is never stupid, and that's in being evil and cheating.

As she said it herself:

-- "If I lie and you believe, it's your fault for taking me back".

That's indeed the best weapon of a cheater -- to blame the partner for not being able to see it.

I can see now that she didn't ask for my help because she accepts it but because that was a strategy for her to hold me back, to learn how to manipulate me better, to study my mind more deeply, by using the same knowledge I learned.

In doing so, she would know how to get me back after every cheating behavior with a new man.

Likewise, I know now that she went on therapy to learn how to control me better, and not to cure herself. That's why she chose a psychotherapist that is famous for writing on abusive relationships.

She chose such person because she wanted someone that could give her a one-on-one course on how to abuse someone furthermore.

Agne is indeed smart for evil, because she consulted her friends first, before seeing the psychologist, to make sure that she would get what she wanted.

She chose a person that deals with domestic abuse. Couldn't be better, right?

That's why she didn't mind paying so much for absolutely no results. Agne was learning exactly what she wanted.

She was never interested in changing herself or having a healthy relationship. Her purpose was to gain more control over me, to perpetuate the abuse, while cheating with better strategies.

The following phrases appeared immediately after I made her see the psychologist:

-- "You are controlling me."

-- "You are manipulating me."

I also believe Agne is so insane that she ends up fearing her own mind, and then selling herself to her own ego, to empower it furthermore, while neglecting her conscience, in a kind of progressive inner relationship between false self and subconscious self. Something which can only be explained by experts on demonic possession, as this dynamic finds no answers in mainstream psychology.

Agne is literally emptying her soul to feed that addictive feeling of entitlement that comes from hurting others, succeeding with lying and cheating. She expressed this herself, when telling me with a complete disdain:

-- "Why do you think you are saving my soul? I don't believe in that. There is no soul."

More evidence of demonic possession appeared when I talked to her about the possibility of renting an apartment for herself and she stated:

-- "I'm afraid of the dark; I'm afraid to be home alone, in silence."

I had to ask, to test her reaction:

-- "If you don't believe in anything, why do you fear the dark?"

She said:

-- "I believe in ghosts... I can't handle the silence... I need to hear people around me."

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# Chapter 4

I was wrong when I told Agne that she wouldn't need to worry because our relationship would work if she trusted me. I did not know she had already plenty of proves showing otherwise.

I was not realizing that she can't be that person; she can't trust or be trusted, and she can't follow or be followed. And that's how I wasted years by expecting changes from a woman that only existed in my imagination.

I was always angry for the same reasons and nothing ever changed, except me -- I became exhausted and drained from my energy.

Like a vampire, she was feeding from me.

Besides, if she couldn't change from 22 to 25 years old, she will certainly never change at 35 years old, or 45 years old, or later.

The reason why, reveals itself in the fact that she can't accept anything that resembles being normal.

She said it herself, while exposing her distorted perception of reality:

-- "I don't want to be put in a box at my age; You treat me like a doll."

The first time I heard from Agne that she was telling other people that she was being a victim of control, manipulation and domestic violence was not the last. But it never truly happened.

She has a tendency to replicate the traumas from her childhood by recreating them, as if she was still there, stuck in time, afraid of all men, while seeking their validation in the form of sex.

With every man she sleeps with, her mental illness gains stronger roots in the deep dark abysm of her empty soul.

Agne pushed me to the limits many times, and was violent with me often, but never got hit. What really occurred, in the first time that she decided to use this against me -- after several months of living in my house -- was that one night, at 4am, she arrived home drunk, and I asked where she had been, if she had sex with someone else, to which her exact answer was:

-- "I can fuck whoever I want and arrive home when I want, because you are not my boyfriend anymore and this is my house as well."

One night after a discussion, was all it took for her to have sex with someone else.

It didn't matter to her that we were sharing the same house.

Was she confusing me with her gay roommate? Or using him as a sexless boyfriend?

I ignored what she had said as being true. And days later, after doing this, in one afternoon, she arrived home completely drunk again, and went to sleep, without explaining whatsoever to me once more.

This time, I said nothing back as well. But she woke me up at 3am by kicking my back.

I told her many times to stop but she did not. She kept kicking, laughing and saying:

-- "I am not going to let you sleep".

I told her, repeatedly, to let me sleep, and then she took the blanket away, while laughing even louder like a maniac.

I shouted at her, but she kept laughing, mimicking my words, like a little child, and saying:

-- "You look stupid when you are angry".

I was already exhausted from my work and the many fights, and that's when I snapped, grabbed her by the hair and said I would hurt her if she did not shut up and let me sleep.

I also told her that the relationship was over and I wanted her out of the house.

She then cried, and stopped. But in the following day went to her family and said that the opposite occurred. She said that I attacked her and that she broke up with me.

In order to protect her reputation of innocent victim of domestic abuse, she made me look like an idiot in front of everyone.

After that, she made me visit her family, while knowing that she had lied about the whole situation. And whenever I asked about it, she would deny that she had done it, or lie and say that she had already corrected the whole story and shared the truth.

I knew this was a lie as I kept feeling uncomfortable in front of everyone. But she didn't care that they were thinking of me as an aggressive psychopath. I think she was enjoying it, as finally her family was on her side, as she wanted from the start.

She didn't stop her schemes here. I only found that she had told the landlord and real-estate agents that I was leaving the house, that the contract had to be changed to her name only, and that I had to be excluded from the papers, when they told me this themselves.

When I confronted her, Agne said:

-- "I cannot afford this apartment on my own, but if I can't find a roommate and have to lose this place, you're not taking it either."

Agne basically expelled me from the house I found for myself and to which I invited her, after seeing where she was living, and for revenge.

Once I told them the truth and explained why this was happening, I asked for their help to find an apartment for myself, and they said they could easily help me.

One of them, even though did not work for the agency anymore, was sending me multiple offers every day.

Meanwhile, they quickly realized what kind of manipulative liar Agne is.

One day, they had a meeting and then sent me an email saying that the landlord had lost trust on her, and would not rent the apartment to Agne if I did not stay.

The landlord said to me:

-- "Agne is not reliable".

That's how Agne ended up being expelled from the house, not by me, but by the landlord and three real-estate agents, and due to her own behaviors.

She then went back to her previous roommate, Marius, the gay guy that is always smoking weed and getting drunk with her since they met in Portugal. But kept constantly putting me in similar situations like this one, as when she provoked me online and then reported to facebook when I reacted, to get my account deleted.

Agne is extremely revengeful and full of hatred, especially when I am just defending myself with facts and truth.

She even threatened to call the police once, because I refused to give her back the alcohol bottles she had, while prohibiting her from getting drunk in my own house.

One of her latest revenges, was to provoke me in the house of her parents, in order to film my reaction, and prove to everyone in her family that I'm the crazy one, and not her.

Even when she finally got removed from the house contract, Agne kept finding excuses to get back in the house, to pick her things, as a reason to see me and persuade me to go back to her. That's how she remained in the house for longer, after already being expelled from the contract. She used this to her advantage, by letting me pay a higher rent, while she kept her new room for half of what she was paying me before.

Agne is always trying to take advantage of every situation and everyone, and she behaves like she's entitled to everything.

She also acts as if her social life is amazing, although she doesn't have a healthy lifestyle or more than a few unscrupulous friends.

I once found her reading a book on a Sunday afternoon, and she invited me to go with her to a bar.

We chat for a while and then she started crying:

-- "I am always alone on the weekends. Nobody wants to go out with me or even meet for a coffee. They always say they are busy. I spend many weekends in bed, just crying the whole day. And I never want the weekends to come. I work extra hours in my job just to avoid being home alone."

In the past, I would feel pity for her, but at this point I didn't know what these tears meant anymore.

I even thought that the story with Agne had gotten to a final stand when she met with a psychologist that is more insane than her and said:

-- "Your boyfriend sent you to a psychologist because he is trying to control you ... It's ok to smoke weed when you want ... there's nothing wrong with having sex with strangers ... your boyfriend is just insecure and that's why he doesn't let you party alone and flirt with other men ... and if you keep thinking about killing yourself, there's nothing wrong with that too".

When I decided to go meet that Psychopathic-Psychologist and understand what was going on, she refused to receive me. So I waited outside, and on her way out of the office, told her:

-- "I need to ask only two questions about the situation of Agne".

Before I had a chance to ask anything, this psychologist replied:

-- "You are trying to control me and manipulate me".

I looked into her eyes, and that's when I understood that this woman was schizophrenic, and the source of Agne's words.

Upon realizing it, I had to change my approach. I told her:

-- "If you think that a stranger you never met before is trying to control you and manipulate you just because he needs to ask you two questions, you are more mentally sick than any of your patients, and you shouldn't work as a clinical psychologist because you need more help than anyone else coming here. You should actually be in a mental hospital yourself, and not working as a psychologist. What you are doing is a crime."

After hearing this, this big woman, as fat as a hippopotamus, runaway from me while bitching the whole way.

Agne did the same on her way back home.

Agne actually blamed me for unmasking the psychologist as a fraud, stealing her money and manipulating her. Or maybe she was angry at me because it was never her purpose to begin with of being helped and changed, but merely learn how to use the physical abuse storytelling strategy to control the opinion of others against me.

Whatsoever was the case, a psychologist has to be very stupid not to notice how illogic it is to call someone victim of domestic abuse, when the 'abuser' actually expels the 'victim' from the house, and it's the 'victim' who keeps coming back and asking the 'abuser' to stay in her life.

Is this 'domestic abuse'? Or are both, patient and psychologist, mentally ill? Or did Agne picked this psychologist on purpose, after knowing that such woman is obsessed with stories of domestic abuse?

I don't know for sure, but I do believe Agne never stopped visiting her, as she always did what she wanted behind my back and for many months kept insisting on the same narrative:

-- "You are aggressive; you are manipulating me; you are trying to control me."

Agne has a tendency to repeat the phrases she hears like a parrot.

Her gay roommate told her that I am too old for her, and she kept repeating:

-- "You are too fucking old for me."

A coworker once saw us together, and told her at work that we don't match; and she took it as true, and kept repeating:

-- "We don't match together."

Someone else at work said that she likes sugar daddies, and she kept repeating:

-- "I am not your daughter."

Yes, these are her exact words. But there are more.

On August 2018, one of her friends, Ramune, came to Lithuania from London, to visit Agne, and I didn't want them to party together, so this friend of hers started insulting me behind my back, to get her way, because her friends are all basically like little immature spoiled children.

Instead of protecting the relationship, Agne kept repeating to me the same words of her friend:

-- "You are too ugly for me, I deserve a prettier man, because I am pretty myself, and you are fat and too old and ugly."

The same occurred with another friend of hers, named Samantha, who told her that I was trying to cheat by calling her smartphone multiple times.

She believed this Samantha, and told me:

-- "I know her for many more years than I know you. She's from my hometown, and you only appeared in my life recently, out of nowhere. Of course I believe her."

This is how Agne rationalizes the truth.

She considers a person who tries to destroy her relationship with lies and insults more important than me, basically, because she knows such person for a longer time than she knows me. Or maybe Agne lies so much, that her brain is completely damaged, and she has no idea any more of what is true and what is not.

How insane one needs to be to analyze reality in such a way?

However, to say that Agne is mentally ill, is to seriously underestimate the gravity of the situation, because she also suffers from hormonal imbalance, causing her to oscillate between depression and anger, and also to develop cysts in her body.

That's why soon after partying with her friends for weeks, getting drunk nearly every night with shots and other heavy drinks, one of her ovarian cysts opened, causing her to have an internal bleeding and nearly die.

When she was fainting and about to die, she only called two persons, her mother and me.

I told her that she needed to go to a hospital urgently. I also told her that she should wake up her gay friend Marius, as she could die if there was nobody around to call the ambulance in case she fainted permanently. But Agne refused to wake up her gay friend.

Interesting, how she rather die than wake up her party friend, but calls me to save her life, after telling me that I don't deserve her because I am too ugly.

That night, she was rushed to a hospital for an emergency operation. And I didn't sleep the whole night, thinking that it could be the last time I ever talked to her.

Maybe she deserved it. Maybe it was karma. Maybe she was being punished. Maybe she should have died. But I prayed heavily so that she did not die that night.

She didn't know where the ambulance was taking her but I was able to find the hospital in the following morning.

I then visit her every day, bringing cooked meals for lunch and dinner, as well as fruits.

I spent entire days, every singe day of the week, next to her in that hospital.

Nobody else, not even her drinking buddies, came to visit her.

Did it change anything? Did she learn anything from the experience?

I thought she would change after this, but her answer was:

-- "You just did what you have to do as a boyfriend."

In other words, Agne appreciates nothing, and can't even recognize the fact that none of the persons she places ahead of me cared about her wellbeing.

Nobody else came to see her. And exactly one year later, she would repeat the same scenario, this time by visiting her friend Ramune in England.

Personally, I just felt sad to see such a stupid person receiving a blood transfusion, full of tubes coming out of her body, after nearly dying, and not learning a thing about such experience.

Taking into consideration that before this incident she was trying to find a new boyfriend, as she admitted herself, and probably had sex with other men, even though she would never admit this, she was actually lucky that I was there to visit her, or even that I picked the phone and worried about her wellbeing, instead of simply letting her suffer and die alone.

For this reason, I doubt that Agne will ever learn anything from life.

If not even near death experiences change her, nothing will.

Agne has the aura of someone seeking death. She has no empathy for anyone, she has unprotected sex with multiple men, she easily develops cysts in her body, and she can die anytime, from either cancer, sexually transmitted diseases, or her own anger, since I have experienced her insulting me while calmly driving a car.

Agne is already a complete disaster of a human being, without rules, without moral, without limits or boundaries, without responsibility, or even respect, and she also told me that she constantly has suicidal thoughts. Altogether, Agne is a complete cocktail of toxicity.

Her beloved psychologist told her to call whenever she is about to kill herself, and I wonder why is that psychologist even being paid to literally incentivize patients to commit suicide.

Seems more like Lithuania is a country where people with mental problems go visit psychologists that are psychopathic.

I really wonder who in this world could help Agne, if even her own narcissistic brother says in front of me:

-- "One day you will find that your boyfriend is not who he says he is, but a drug lord, hiding drugs under the bed."

It's sad when people are so stupid that they can't even help each other but think they are a family.

I was certainly more of a family to Agne than anyone else ever was, but maybe that's why she hated me so much, as she couldn't accept her own hatred towards them.

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# Chapter 5

Agne said many times that she feels useless in the relationship, because I can do everything and even do it better than her -- I cook better than her, I know more than her, and I don't need her help for anything.

Maybe that's why she resents me and ends up creating problems. She seems to have a competitive mindset, rooted on selfishness.

Her sense of entitlement and superiority makes it unbearable for her to accept anyone who is somehow superior, even though, ironically, she seeks such type of men to feed her own ego.

I always told her that she only needs to respect me. Besides, if I cook better, I can also cook more often for her, and she can enjoy that too.

If I know more, her life becomes more simple and easy. And if I am independent, she can focus on other things with her time. But, these qualities somehow don't fit her brain.

She completely contradicts herself and can't even see it.

Agne also likes the drama, even though she claims that she doesn't. I've noticed that she pulls fights every time the relationship is stable, and doing well, as if she couldn't handle happiness or a common lifestyle.

She is as well always triangulating me with other people, putting me in fights based on things like "he said" and "she said this and that about you".

Agne seems to always feel bored with everything and needing constant entertainment.

I certainly don't have so much time available to give her attention with all my work.

I never understood why she behaves like this, as I did a lot for her, and even allowed her to enjoy a better lifestyle. I even rented an apartment near the river, near her job, and near a forest, for her to be able to walk to work, do sports and enjoy a healthier lifestyle.

I did everything within my reach to make her life easier and to make her happier.

She seemed to not appreciate any of that, even though she was offered everything to live a joyful life, a hundred times better than the one she had before finding me.

I also gave her a life purpose, by letting her experience a family lifestyle with me, while envisioning the possibility of being married to someone, which increased her sense of self-worth.

I always told her that I would like to have my own family with her; and we often talked about raising children.

I even explained how my vast background experience in education and in working with many young kids would make it easier for us to raise our own.

I helped her see the true value of her friends, and learn how to differentiate them, by describing in which ways they want her best or not.

I taught her to see that nearly all of her friends don't have her best interest in mind and they're actually selfish and rather not see her with me, as by improving herself, she wouldn't be with them and they somehow know it. But, more than explaining such things, I gave her the knowledge through many books showing it. And I did this, because I wanted to protect her from bad influences.

I made her see the many ways in which she could be happier, as before that, she would only see happiness in getting drunk.

She learned to enjoy walks in the park, feeding the birds in the balcony or the ducks outside in the river, doing sports with me, and even reading next to me.

She had never traveled with a boyfriend before either, and I think she enjoyed that quite a lot too, namely, when I took her to Spain, Portugal, Holland, France and Poland.

That's when she considered even more to quit her lifestyle in Lithuania and spend more time with me, helping me in my work as well.

She never enjoyed her job anyway. She was always complaining about it. Especially the routine of being stuck in an office.

That never happened because I feared for her health issues, knowing that she would need plenty of medical care, and it would be better for her to stay for a few more years in Lithuania.

I believed that she wanted to spend more time with me because she was indeed happier. She loved to be part of my lifestyle and travel with me. But she destroyed it all because of what her friends told her and because she can't control herself.

I can understand why her friends hate me so much, as I made her stop getting drunk every weekend, and increased her sense of life purpose.

She even started dressing more like an adult and being more confident than ever before, as she confirmed, when saying:

-- "It's the first time I live in a normal house since I left my parents' house".

-- "I feel much more feminine and confident since I am with you."

I would eventually realize that Agne can't be happy, even if I sacrificed my own life for her.

From my side, I lost all of my friends in Lithuania, because she doesn't know how to behave properly in public. She embarrassed me all the time.

Men are always trying to seduce her, and she allows it because she likes the attention.

I had many fights with her because of this kind of behavior in public. She's not a person I am proud of bringing with me anywhere.

She is attractive, but she doesn't know how to behave and makes me look like a fool all the time, and I really hate that in a woman.

I basically stopped taking her anywhere with me, and in order to not let her be alone at home, I also stopped going anywhere myself.

That's when she got even more bored, resentful, and angry, and started considering leaving the relationship to party with her own friends, while seeking for a new partner.

I believe she did found, several times, even if for only casual flings.

My life with Agne went nowhere. She could't compromise, could't persist in any task, and changed her mind often.

For example, she can say that she wants to quit her job, but is always watching movies, and didn't help me with anything related to what I do.

She probably just wanted me to support her, to be her sponsor, without having to follow any rules or do any type of work.

She also said she wanted to change country but didn't research anything about other countries, is attached to her own country and was always blaming me for not wanting to stay.

She also complained about any country to where I chose to move.

She doesn't even like Copenhagen, which she visits often because of her family living and working there. And I did initially considered this to be a good option for her, as she would be close to her own family. But I think Agne never wanted that, as they would have more control over things she prefers to keep as a secret.

In other words, by forcing her to improve herself, I was just prolonging the illusion that I can do anything for her.

It is in her own nature to be self-destructive and to keep becoming worse.

Agne has that vitality of a 25 years old that I don't have and a will to explore, do sports and travel, that I miss having when alone too.

If it was not for her insane and irresponsible side, she could have a very good impact on my lifestyle, and vice-versa. Because, if she could help me more and not insult so much, she could soon quit her job and enjoy more the lifestyle she wanted with me.

Instead, I saw in her a spoiled brat demanding too much but going nowhere and doing nothing to deserve it, while increasing my risk of failure.

I can't work when I am angry at someone, and Agne has no responsibility whatsoever; so to give her more would just be to imply a higher probability of failure.

I wasted quite a lot of money to avoid her in the house and work outside, as I was having all my meals outdoors.

She said once something related to these behaviors that made me think. She said:

-- "Maybe if I just leave the country with you, all these people that keep affecting my behavior will stop having an impact in our life and I will change more easily."

I told her that although this is likely true, I can't bet my life on it.

Life simply doesn't work like that.

Agne can be caring and cheerful and is always looking for adventure. She can make life interesting. But she is also very aggressive, insulting and disrespectful. She betrays too easily. And I can't handle that dark side of her, especially when she started shouting inside the house.

I told her many times not to do that. My mother was totally insane as well, always shouting at me. But I think Agne started screaming more when I told her that I did not like it, because my mother did the same during my entire life.

Her intention to torture me just makes me hate her furthermore. But she seems to enjoy that, as it gives her a narcissistic boost. To make me mad makes her feel in control.

I don't think marriage would change this situation.

On May 2017 -- only three months after we started dating -- she asked me for a gold ring for her birthday. She was very specific, after asking for a car, vacations in Thailand, and a smartphone; all of which, things I refused to offer her.

Agne was very happy to get that ring, and promised a lot, but it changed nothing.

In fact, I think the sense of entitlement made her more disrespectful towards me.

As a result, and because we had a big fight on May 2018, not only didn't I offer her anything on her 24th birthday, but she also spent it crying alone on her tiny room where she was now living.

This fight started because she said that she would like to travel to Portugal with me, but when I asked what she would do, if she saw her former African boyfriend and the other guys she slept with, in one night stands, she answered:

-- "I would talk to them. I cannot ignore them and pretend they don't exist. You cannot stop me from talking to my former boyfriends."

Why are these words so meaningful to me?

Apart from the obvious, during the time I lived with Agne, many times, she would not arrive home after work and would refuse to tell me where she had been, where she was going and with whom.

Whenever I called her phone, she either did not pickup, or would tell me, while laughing, that she was partying, or sleeping in her loft.

Sometimes, she either did not sleep in my house or arrived late, at 4am in the morning or around this time.

I asked her many times if she was cheating on me, but she kept denying it.

The evidence that she cheated often was common, such as when she became very silent, as if admitting her guilt, when I said:

-- "You know Agne, a court doesn't need to see a crime to put the criminal in jail."

Her ritual of always being drunk on Fridays, and then flirting with men, certainly predisposes her for what she likes best -- random sex with someone she won't see anymore after that.

Agne is so addicted to hunting men for sex, that whenever they refused, she would ask to meet them at night and go get drunk and party.

Now, let us not forget that Agne's loft was nothing more than one tiny room with nothing else. But she didn't feel any shame in saying it to them either when inviting them in to sleep there.

In all the messages I found, she would be very explicit about the accommodations, making it clear that they would come to sleep with her.

There was no other way they would not see her naked after a shower, because she would have to undress and dress inside that same loft, which was basically a box with nothing inside; certainly, no possibility for any privacy.

It's intriguing how Agne was always repeating that I was trying to keep her in a box, while she was the one living inside a box herself and bringing men in.

At 22 years old, Agne already knew how to arouse men, and demand sex without any possibility for rejection. And she took advantage of it, to have sex with as many men as possible.

She did not do this only with her own loft, but also when traveling abroad. She would pick guys offering their own room, for her to be accommodated without having to pay for anything, while benefiting from sex with them.

She even did this when telling her family that she would travel back to Portugal to see her former African boyfriend. She picked a room to stay in, and slept with the guy that accommodate her.

This was a common practice, as she admitted when saying:

-- "I never ever paid for accommodation when I traveled."

Obviously not, because all she had to do was open her legs, and that for her was always free, fun and normal.

I don't even know how could she call that African a boyfriend, because according to her own version of the story, he was just a guy hanging out with her friends. This, until one night, when she was already drunk, he asked her to go with him to his room, for sex, and she accepted.

From that moment on, he basically used her like a sex doll the entire time. He never took her anywhere, and was not interested in anything more than sex.

It's actually interesting when she accuses me of using her like a sex doll, because that's what all other men, which she praises of being better than me, did to her.

That is also exactly what she offered to all the men she slept with -- her empty body, like a doll, to be used and abused.

It's indeed ironic that she accuses me of what she already does and always did with herself -- offer her body like a doll.

---

Agne didn't seem to mind this. She even said that she had great sex with that African, and that he was always giving her oral sex

Despite this, she seemed to be surprised with the fact that when she took her plane to go back to her own country, he told her that he wasn't interested in a long distance relationship, because he was not interested in any relationship with her without sex.

Agne doesn't learn any of her lessons, but then compares all men in the same way.

She compared me too much with her sex adventures. And that's the paradox of her imbecility, as she wants a husband that behaves like the men she has sexual adventures with.

At the same time, expects this man to be loyal, while she keeps her escapades to meet with other men in secret.

She's not only promiscuous and immature but too stupid and demanding as well.

I believe that she confuses herself too, as on the first night that we went out together, I told her that I was interested in having a relationship and not just sex, and when that African texted her, she replied him happily with smiles, after telling me that she wasn't interested in having a relationship with anyone.

She wasn't interested in having a relationship because she was having much more fun in riding the dick-carousel, and wasn't planing to quit that anytime soon.

She never did, she merely used me, to portray herself to the family and friends as a normal woman, and not the whore she has always been and was still being behind my back.

I am sure that if he told her that he was coming to visit her, she would agree to meet him and forget about me in an instant, just to fuck, just be used again like a sex doll.

I have learned, by living with Agne, that nothing interests her beyond sex, and that's why she needs variety of men.

As she has no emotions, sex always turns boring to her when repeated with the same man.

Agne is too basic as a human being. But I did bought her a eReader on the Christmas of 2017 and filled it with hundreds of books on psychology and self-therapy.

She never used it, and told me:

-- "I will never read what you want me to read."

She only reads books that other people suggest her, even if I am the one doing the research to find the books she needs the most, and other people only offer her useless information to waste time.

It is as if she completely ignored whatsoever I do for her, while blaming me for her own behavior, because she was never interested in changing.

She gave me an expectation merely to keep me hooked.

Despite my patience and everything I did for Agne, she claims that I never helped her. And yet, in her entire life, nobody ever helped her more than I did, and nobody ever will.

I offered her many opportunities to completely change her whole future. I was even willing to share the income of my work with her, for no other reason than living with me.

What did Agne do for me? Nothing! She doesn't even like to cook. And spends her afternoons after work scrolling on her mobile.

She literally scrolls Instagram for more than five hours nonstop, until she falls asleep, often with the smartphone in her hands.

I always felt under stress with her, which made me unable to sleep at night. And when I couldn't sleep, she made it worse, as if trying to push me to the limits.

Sometimes she would even hit my head on purpose, while pretending she was asleep.

Once she did it twice in a single night -- first with a head bump and then with a punch to my face.

No human being can handle so much pressure, constant provocations, emotional abuse and torture on a daily basis.

She treats all of her friends very nicely but treats me like garbage. And why doesn't she try to insult other people like she insults me, to see who is more patient?

Instead, with others, as I have seen, she shuts her mouth. And they can even mock her, because she says nothing in return.

She lives in a black and white world, in which whatsoever her friends do or say is good, and whatsoever I say or do is bad. For some mysterious reason, I am the bad person for her, and everyone else is good, which means that everything I did for her amounts to nothing, and the nothing others do for her is sufficient enough.

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# Chapter 6

Before the end of 2017, I went with Agne to do a communication course. It was my suggestion for quite some time, as I thought it could help her. I had done that communication course myself two times already. This would be my third experience.

The initial exercises were very simple. All she had to do was sit in front of me on a chair and not react to my phrases.

Agne believed she could finish these drills very quickly, but that was far from happening.

Nonetheless, Agne was enjoying the process a lot, especially when I was making her laugh.

I then proceeded to use specific keywords, going up and down on the emotional scale.

I got her to react at fear, which seemed to be the strongest emotion for her. And then I spent two hours calling her a "coward".

For some reason, this word created the strongest emotional reaction.

It was quite an interesting experience, because every time I called her coward she would become furious. She started behaving exactly as she behaves in private with me, and even kicked my leg in front of the supervisor out of anger.

She then persisted in making her expressions of scorn and resentment.

At one point, she could not even look at my eyes anymore.

I continued, now connecting the word "coward" with others, to test what would happen.

I have no idea why I decided to do this, but maybe it was just an instinct. I knew that this "cowardice" would have to match something else, more profound and within her subconscious mind.

I decided to hit her most sensitive point -- her family. That's when she really got mad.

For me, personally, the results were simply getting more interesting along the way. Because you see, I don't think she was realizing we were just doing a drill and I was helping her. She was completely oblivious to why we were there and why I was saying those things, as if unaware of the whole purpose of the exercises.

I then decided to focus on the main restimulating concepts -- the ones affecting the relationship the most -- and obtained some crucial insights from doing that.

Apparently, in her head, father equals coward, and mother equals coward too. She hates both but suppresses her feelings towards them because of a "family complex" -- the need to love and accept them at the same time. And, because she accepts two persons whom she hates and considers to be cowards (and even suppresses her emotions towards them and her thoughts about them), she inevitably inverts the natural cycle of thoughts.

She begun to hate herself because she can't confront her real feelings about them. In other words, Agne thinks of herself as a coward -- worthless and undeserving.

Agne's self-hatred is a direct consequence of suppressing her emotions towards her parents, and such feelings come to the surface whenever she loves someone -- in the form of undeserving love. But because hating someone we love is insane, she inverts the process, by projecting her own thoughts and emotions unto the person she loves.

That's how the "undeserving love" becomes the "impossible love"; in her head, not because she is incapable of accepting love, but because the partner is incapable of loving, even if she is the one constantly denying it, through different strategies, and even cheating to avoid it.

That's why she told me often, "I don't know what I did to deserve you", and at the same time insulted me and provoked me in order to accuse me of being evil, mean, aggressive, controlling, and so on.

The partner has to necessarily be portrayed as evil, even if she always seeks the most caring and loving one she can find, and easily gets bored with such man, while keeping her quest for sexual adventures with strangers.

It's in the "stranger" that she finds excitement the most, as if seeking what she avoids -- validation without love.

The ideal balance for Agne is to have both: The partner that loves her while she abuses him, and the harem of sex partners to validate her fake persona. In doing so, she places her sick personality in an ideal balance between her sick mind and her social mask.

It was true when she said that she loved me, as well as when she said that she hated me. That's what love is for her -- love and hate at the same time, as what she feels towards her parents.

I reflect back at her that inner world, so very familiar.

Once I realized this, everything started getting clearer to me. Because she also reacted to the connection between the words "friends" and "cowards".

That's when I started noticing the whole picture -- her entire mental map -- unfolding before me.

I understand now that Agne only has cowards as friends because she is antisocial, and fears people that have more knowledge, power or skills than she does.

Having dumb friends who are also cowards makes her feel safe. It is a form of sociopathy, but convenient too.

The relationships she develops with her friends are somehow a counterbalance to the relationship she has with her family, reason why she can't detach from "bad companies" and uses as an argument:

-- "I know them longer than I know you."

Or even:

-- "I am always nice to my friends because I love them."

Agne hates her mother because her mother can't defend herself, and was unable, both physically and financially, of protecting herself against the abuses of her father. And naturally, she hates her father too, because he is a bully that used to violently beat her mother, which for her is also a form of cowardice.

As many of such incidents occurred in front of her, she hates herself for being weak and vulnerable, unable to both protect her mother and confront her father.

To be in a relationship is for her to go back to her childhood -- aggression and cowardice. She anxiously needs to be in control of both emotions by manipulating her partner to react emotionally in both ways, and by attacking him to escape her own fears.

If it makes any sense, Agne regains self-control by creating chaos in the form of drama, even if it may have drastic consequences on her life.

She neglects the consequences in favor of the elimination of the fear. That's why she blamed me for expelling her from the house, as if I was supposed to accept the abuse.

This type of trauma is what led her to always choose boyfriends for sex only, or merely through sex, as the lack of love, the attraction based on superficial elements, the illusion she portrays (the mask she uses), makes her feel safe, while love awakens feelings of fear within her.

Agne can't love because it exposes her as the immature child she is. That is why she rejects men who show her love, as they make her feel vulnerable and scared. As she said:

-- "I never want men who choose me; I need to be the one choosing them."

It explains also why she dumped one of her former boyfriends, about whom she said the following:

-- "He was annoying me by saying all the time that he was in love with me."

We find here also the explanation to why she was saying to me multiple times, and while laughing, the following:

-- "Why do you want to be with someone who doesn't love you?"

She needs to eliminate love from the relationship due to fear. Because she knows that, whenever she is afraid, she starts dramatizing her childhood, by picking roles, and alternating them.

It is as if somehow she needed to ask: Why do you want to be with someone who can't love?

Instead, she uses the, "Doesn't love you", in order to project guilt on the lover and force him to accept her as she is, with her need for psychological abuse.

Whenever in the middle of her drama, she either chooses to be the abusive father, or the victim -- the mother. And if she can't be either, she will runaway like a coward, and then suppress all of her emotions with alcohol and marijuana, which is the equivalent to hiding under the bedsheets, which she also does, as she did when she was a child.

In both situations, there is a need to "disappear", to be as "nothing", because Agne never grew up past her childhood.

In a very distorted view of reality, Agne learned to devalue herself in order to diminish the risk of suffering.

Helping Agne to become a better person, as I did, is indeed to increase her sense of vulnerability.

The more I helped her, the more she feared me, and the more she accused me of wanting to control her and manipulate her, which was actually what she was doing herself.

During the time in which Agne lived with me, this is what she did after an argument, in which she couldn't get her selfish needs met. She would either hide herself under the bedsheets, crying like a little child, or leave the house to get drunk and smoke weed with friends, after having her typical temper tantrums.

If she can't runaway, she will do her best to destroy the relationship and make her partner leave, by shouting, insulting, and even by being physically aggressive.

This is an inevitable cycle, whenever she feels loved and wanted.

The more a man loves her, the more she feels an anxious claustrophobia, a fear of suffering.

By default, Agne has to despise love. And that's why she laughs at men who fall in love with her, and easily discards them.

Despite this, her emotions are not the only source triggering such childhood traumas. Even silence does that.

She creates fights whenever there is silence or whenever she is happy, because, according to her,...

-- "It was when everything was good that the drama begun."

She recreates the drama to feel in control of her life, because her brain keeps telling her that both tranquility and happiness equal fear and suffering.

Basically, tranquility and happiness equal danger for her.

Any moment of tranquility and happiness will trigger her traumas. And because she suppressed them, she can't identify the source of her emotions, reason why she dramatizes by creating fights.

Another thing that I wanted to know, was why she chose me for her displays of insanity. And that's when I remembered her saying:

-- "I like you because you make me feel safe."

As mentioned before, she seeks what she fears the most. And that's her dilemma, and the reason why she can't ever be happy with anyone.

In order to decrease her level of fear, she would have to also decrease the expectations that she seeks, or simply by choosing a man that she will never love.

That's why she keeps coming back to me, as she doesn't want such man either. That type of man, is the one she has sex with and never loves.

On the other hand, this also explains why she cheated on me multiple times, as she needed to erase the fear of losing love by having sex with other men.

There's indeed no better way to keep a relationship without love than by cheating.

This is the motivation behind phrases like:

-- "I had sex with them because I knew I would never see them again."

Or,

-- "I had sex with many ugly guys because I need sex."

It's easy to not love an ugly man after sex, as it is to have sex with someone that has to leave.

Even if she cheats, she will always, and invariably, feel the need to go back to the person who gave her validation in the form of "non-manifested love", if this makes any sense.

This is why, every time she cheated on me with other men, she felt the need to go back to the relationship. I am the one who represents confidence, strength, intelligence, and everything else that she wants the most in life -- the man that validates her future, and in doing so, represents non-manifested love; but also the one she can't have, because she knows she's undeserving. And this is why she said:

-- "Even if I will never find anyone better than you, I don't want anyone who treats me so badly."

This phrase is actually a projection, reflecting what she truly wants. The "treats me so badly" is related to the consequences of her own behaviors, which she justifies to avoid introspection (the need to accept her hatred towards her parents, her irrational fears and her sense of unworthiness, as well as the guilt and shame that she feels but can't process); and the "I will never find anyone better than you", is related to the many qualities that she wants in a man and found in me. It is also, simultaneously, a projection of her guilt for cheating on me.

She plays this contradiction by presenting me to her family as the one she wants to get married with, the one who validates her worthiness, while simultaneously destroying my reputation and portraying me as the scapegoat of her wrongdoings, to avoid being found and made accountable.

That is, she hates the fact that she loves me, and cheats to deny such love, as it forces her to introspect her actions. And that's why she says, when in love and confused about her own needs and actions:

-- "I hate you."

That is another projection. She actually hates herself.

To prove it is the fact that, if I don't accept the hate, and even laugh about it, she starts hating herself instead, which leads to the emotions of guilt and shame -- the emotions she can't accept in herself, and even more along time, because of all the things she does behind my back.

That's why she cries and misses me when I am apart, but easily discards me for new men, parties and other forms of entertainment.

It becomes more important for her to nullify such emotions, rather than actually learn from her mistakes, reason why after sex she recreates more drama to justify another breakup.

That is the reason why she offers me sex, as sex itself with someone she loves is enough to nullify all guilt and shame recreated with every detachment or cheating behavior.

When I give her sex, I validate her abuse, and make myself unworthy of respect.

It should be the opposite, but not for someone like Agne.

There is nothing more devastating for her than knowing that I am happy -- It increases her sense of guilt and shame for what she did. And that's why succeeding in life with joy is the most devastating weapon against a narcissist.

Whenever I talk about my plans for the future, and if they include traveling, partying and meeting new people -- the things she craves the most -- she immediately begins the insults and the invalidation process.

She is indeed hurt by the same methods that she uses to hurt others. And that's the source of her competitive mindset, of always wanting to be ahead of the "relationship game", of wanting to always hurt more than the amount of hurt she receives (even if imaginary), of being vindictive and revengeful and resentful against any sense of justice.

Agne does resent the success of others, including mine. That's why she always did her best to make me waste all my money, while systematically asking how much I can make every month.

With less money, I have less power, and less options, and she has more opportunities, and more control over my life as well.

Nothing gives her more satisfaction than asking me if I need her to borrow me money, and nothing gives her more disappointment than hearing me say "no" to that.

This cycle is also explicit when she said twice -- after a promotion and after quitting her previous job, the following:

-- "I think I make more money than you now."

If I say that she isn't making more money than me, she becomes enraged.

She quit her previous job only months after getting promoted, which indicates that she is money-driven and competitive by nature, and not interested in stability or in making connections with anyone.

She is also not interested in long term plans but only the excitement of the novelty. Only what is "new" catches her eye. That applies to everything, including new men.

She can't handle routines and repetitions. She has to cheat, she has to constantly seek the validation of new men, she has to constantly have sex with different men.

She can't survive without this constant cycle of need for approval and validation in the form of sex. This is why cheating makes her proud. It validates her as someone who is wanted. Because the truth is that, without sex, Agne feels worthless.

She can't obtain that validation in any other way.

Anything that is given to her that doesn't include sex, is depreciated and devalued. But even sex, eventually, becomes boring to her, because having sex with the same person often is validating the other person, and not herself.

She needs to, basically, be fucked by men who want her, without allowing herself to go beyond that.

For many months with me, Agne couldn't even accept any other sexual position that didn't include her being on top. That's how much sex is for her a source of narcissistic validation.

She will only start a relationship to gain social validation.

In truth, Agne never had any relationship because she never wanted one. She is afraid of relationships, commitment and love. She despises people that have commitments.

The only relationship she wants is the one in which she can behave as if she had none. As soon as a partner starts demanding for commitment, Agne starts considering discarding him.

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# Chapter 7

The competitive and self-destructive nature of Agne, inevitably deteriorates the foundations of any relationship -- trust, commitment and agreements.

Every time she restarts one, she already knows that she will repeat the same cycle, while not knowing why she feels the need to do so. And because of that, she avoids being trustworthy, she avoids commitment and she breaks all agreements.

The best evidence of this came when she said:

-- "I need my friends, even if they hate you, because they can help me when we breakup."

Agne chooses her friends, who want the relationship destroyed and prioritize their selfishness over her relationship, because the more the relationship deteriorates, the more she prepares herself for the stage of detachment.

Fundamentally, she destroys a relationship on purpose, with the help of others, because she already assumes that it will end anyway.

Instead of investing on the relationship, as a healthy person would, she invests on the transition post-relationship, because she doesn't believe she can keep one, and can't handle the detachment process on her own.

She literally needs her friends, who support the end of her relationships, because they are the ones who can help her move on, even if they are the same individuals who help her destroy them.

Agne becomes then the victim of her own self-fulfilling prophecy.

This also unveils the fact that she has no friends but supporters, also known as "flying monkeys" -- people who accept her as the loser she is and embrace that state gladly, for it fulfills their own needs.

After all, the more lonely Agne is, the more she needs to get drunk and party with others -- the more available she is.

The best analogy consists in imagining a child that breaks a toy that doesn't belong to her because she can't have it. And this is why Agne inverts cause and effect, when stating that she is the one that doesn't want the relationship, and not the opposite.

I remember that her biggest fear, when she started this relationship, was abandonment. She was always asking me questions related to it, such as:

-- "Can you just change country when you want?"

-- "Will you leave me if your friends reject me?"

-- "Will you leave me if your family rejects me?"

-- "Will you get bored of me one day and leave me?"

Agne knows that, eventually, all of her relationships deteriorate over time and expire. This is something beyond her control, reason why she says:

-- "I am always evil to my boyfriends and I can't control myself."

She attacks because she feels weak and vulnerable. She needs to test the boundaries of the relationships, even if she keeps pushing them further.

She attacks the same person that makes her feel safe, because she is afraid of the same things that make her feel safe. She is afraid to love and be abandoned, and so she refuses to love and abandons. And that's how the dilemma between protectors and aggressors, being the same two individuals -- mother and father, plays out in her life.

I think this situation becomes more obvious when we take into consideration that, during her entire life, only her father was working and sustaining the family. Her mother was just a house keeper. And so, the father, being the same person who financially supported the family, who was the protector of the family, acted as a bully and aggressor, and was beating his own wife, creating a mental conflict within Agne, which made her forever be paralyzed, in that momentum, never developing either psychologically or emotionally beyond that, never fully growing into a woman.

Even her facial traits and body are those of a child, and not a woman.

The fact that her mother abandoned her to be with her father, didn't help as well in handling the traumas, but rather created more excuses to suppress them more deeply.

Paradoxically, what makes her very attractive as a woman -- a baby face and a petite body, is a sign of her lack of mental maturity too.

Agne is like a child that can attract men but has no idea of what to do with them, as if playing with dolls that have an independent will and emotions.

When she says things like, "You treat me like a doll", she is indeed projecting her own actions, because this is what she does with men when "playing with them", reason why she told me:

-- "I was only trying to see if I could get you."

I seemed like a "fun toy" for Agne. But having sex with her "men-toys", or sex dolls, is as far as she can go to feel alive and normal. Even though, when she invites many men to have sex with her, she naturally feels like a little girl with many dolls, and never for a moment thinks about how sick this is.

As she grew up poor, having male attention from individuals that she sees as objects, makes her feel important, worthy, in control, and smarter.

That's why she uses men as if they were toys, to play with, to get validation from, then abandoning them whenever they don't fulfill those purposes anymore, whenever she gets bored of "the toys", or the toys don't "behave as she expects them to behave" -- like objects.

This is basically why she can't love or be in a relationship with anyone. She is interested only on the initial stages of validation and attention, manifested through seduction and sex.

Besides, the more entitled she is, the more she needs a man who is valuable enough to raise her social status in the form of hypergamy. But the more value this man has, the more independently willed he will be, which completely contradicts what she's looking for -- an object to play with, leading her to the common frustration and temper tantrums, which inevitably destroy any relationship sooner or later.

From another viewpoint, we see that the more her family supports the relationship that Agne has with me, the less valuable her post-breakup friends are, and the more she has to confront her own guilt and shame.

That is why she can't handle breakups when sharing time with the family.

Inevitably, she always felt forced to come back to my life and apologize whenever with them.

How did she solve this dilemma? By provoking me enough to create a video that she can show to them, proving that I am aggressive. Then, they can finally believe in her lie, and let her do what she intended from the start -- destroy her own relationship.

Agne wants to have the freedom to be who she is and destroy everything she has, and she can't handle the introspection that her family forces her to have against her irrational behaviors.

In resume, Agne wants a man who is intelligent enough to be a provider, an attention giver, but stupid enough to be easily controlled and accept manipulation, letting her do whatever she wants, without any rules to follow, even if it includes cheating with other men, while leaving her family in the dark about who she truly is and what she does.

I actually confirmed this when one day she said:

-- "I want to be with you, but I hate you so much."

I replied:

-- "You want to be with me because you love me, but you hate me because you can't control me."

She laughed embarrassingly as if caught with the hands in the cookie jar.

That's how she reacts when exposed -- like a little child without self-control or the maturity of an adult.

I obtained more confirmation when she told me that she wants to find someone else. I asked what kind of man she is looking for and her answer was:

-- "A kind man."

This was the same criteria used to pick me, as she described once. But why a "kind man"? Because kindness comes from empathy, and only empathy can be used against a man that is smart in order to control him.

You can only have control over the brain of a very smart individual, with all the other attributes associated to him, such as integrity, honesty, wisdom, confidence, and even social influence, by accessing his heart and using his own emotions against him.

That's what manipulation and control really is. Mind control is always a method through which one individual accesses the mind of another by manipulating his emotional reactions, and in doing so, reshaping his personality according to predefined goals.

Which predefined goals? In her case, the need to feed on the time, thoughts and emotions of that individual, copy his qualities, and destroy his sense of individuality through invalidation, insults, temper tantrums and the threat of cheating.

Agne will always and inevitably have to put her weapons of punishment to use whenever the target refuses to comply to her goals. After all, that's what the men who accept her sign in for when being with her. That's the contract she implies on others. And this is why she only takes as partners those who are willingly compliant, through their kindness.

How can we do that when a person is self-aware of his own value and options? We remove those qualities with invalidation, gaslighting and threats.

That's why from day one, Agne was always insulting me, confusing me and disappearing without warning.

Invalidation is the opposite of validation. We validate someone when we praise, admire and support. In this way, we can say that loving someone, is to make a person stronger and happier, with a greater sense of self-worth.

A good wife or girlfriend, is, or should be, someone who increases the sense of worthiness of her man. And so, invalidation is then to do the opposite, and make a person feel worthless. After that, the sense of unworthiness can lead to codependency, where the narcissist imposes her own will and is finally able to reign and control, and manipulate with ease.

Gaslighting adds another layer to the abuse, by confusing the partner in what regards to what was said or not, and the reasons behind it.

If the partner suspects of cheating behaviors, for example, she calls him crazy and paranoid. If he asks for explanations on what she says, she will then say that she never said such things, or that the intention behind the words was different.

Any man that can't be manipulated is, for Agne, an unworthy toy to be discarded. But, any man who is easily manipulated, becomes a boring toy, too predictable, easy to understand, being then also discarded for this reason.

How far can this game go? Well, if I abandon her because of her behaviors, she knows that she can't control me, and therefore she seeks for a more worthy partner, by going out to clubs and cheating with other men.

When she tries to come back to my life and I accept her for whatsoever reason, I end up creating a routine to which she accommodates herself, justifying again the discard.

It's a lose-lose game on both sides.

Basically, Agne doesn't think that I accept her back because of her promises and apologies, but rather because I can be lied to, controlled and fooled, or in other words, because I am unworthy.

As she said herself...

-- "If I lie and you believe, it's your fault for taking me back."

One way or another, I end up being devalued, as all of her partners are and will always be.

In her head, it works like this: "If I can say anything to get him back, he belongs to me, will never abandon me, and therefore has no value as a man."

She is afraid to be abandoned but abandons all men who don't abandon her. One way or another, she will always lose interest in any man, while not realizing that she is actually the one devaluing such men.

There is no way any partner will ever be able to keep the level of attraction on the highs she wants, because her own self-destructive nature will always pull him down from there.

That's why she is a narcissist; she can't tolerate anyone outside her control, and meanwhile she also can't validate the attention of someone under her control.

One way or another, Agne will always discard her men-toys as useless. That is why when everything was good between us, she said:

-- "We are like an old boring couple."

I wasn't boring when she met me but "cool", the challenge that she wanted to play with, to see if she could get me, as she said. And why me? Because all the other men, by giving her the attention she wanted, doing whatever she asked, complying to her needs and showing constant interest, devalued themselves in the process.

I devalued myself as soon as the relationship started, because there was nothing else to play with.

As any other child, Agne is always seeking for what is exciting and new.

It's easy to seduce her but impossible to keep her, if we look at what interests her as a toy.

No wonder that her relationships don't last more than one night of sex or a few days, as she is looking for men that are challenging -- men that have many options and can be played to win or lose.

She picks men as a game, based on how challenging they are, and loses interest in them as soon as the game is over, that is, as soon as she has them.

That's why she is interested only in sex with strangers, but not romance or relationships.

Her "game" with me ended when I invited her to live in my apartment. That's when she started chasing other men.

As insane as it may seem, the only way to keep a relationship with Agne consists in actually ignoring her and chasing other women instead.

The closer I got to finding a new girlfriend, the faster and the more efforts she put to reenter my life, even if months apart had passed already.

She may have assumed that I was easy to keep due to the fact that I'm nearly 40 years old, but quickly understood such wasn't the case when realizing that I was partying as much or more than her and could easily make new friends and find more women interested in being with me.

During that stage, in which she saw that I had options, her interest was kept high. She couldn't focus on cheating while facing the prospect of being cheated.

This drama played well in her head to keep her in the relationship. But not for long, as she had to eliminate the threat through an improvement of her control strategy.

In essence, she lost complete interest when I compromised to her to eliminate the fights we had.

Could I have kept her for longer? Yes, by fighting every day and doing what she does -- cheat.

I would actually dare to say that Agne likes players because she is a player herself.

In other words, she likes men that behave like the little immature child she is, and satisfy that inner world of constant play, gaming and childish irresponsibility; men that, just like her, refuse to grow up.

At least, this explains why she was so attracted to her African boyfriend, who was unemployed, always cheating with different women, and living on the allowance of his own mother, who worked as a cleaning lady in the United States.

Whenever life is too predictable, good, organized and easy, Agne gets bored and destroys it. She likes the chaos and the drama.

That's why any man who once looked "cool" to her eventually became "boring" over time, as it was with my case.

The only way for her to always be "high on life" is by continually discarding the men she obtains, after knowing them for long enough to get bored with the routines of someone who "always has the same personality".

This, while seeking new ones with the expectation that they will be better than the previous -- exciting and new. Except that they will all go through the same stages and end up being discarded for the same reasons.

She can't control this program operating inside her mind, because it is playing her own sickness -- the obsessive need for short term sexual relationships.

Only a psychopath could entertain her for long enough, at the expense of her own emotional torture. But does she want that? No! She wants a "kind man" that she can torture.

She may be attracted to psychopaths but she doesn't want them, as they don't allow her to be herself -- the psychopath she is.

It is inevitable as well that Agne will always, through this process of invalidation and abuse, force any man in a relationship with her to mirror that, behaving as abusively as she is, which, ironically, is what she fears the most.

That is how she will always destroy all of her relationships, while blaming her victims far before the stage of discard begins.

Provoking them and filming their reaction, and spreading false rumors about them, certainly helps in preparing the stage for when they are brought to their final judgment.

All the relationships that Agne has, end as soon as they begin.

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# Chapter 8

Much of what is logical to anyone who is normal can't be perceived by the brain of Agne which is damaged. This, as much as she can't perceive the difference between a communication exercise and real life. And this explains her emotional cycle:

• Stage one: She feels fearful and vulnerable, and provokes a fight to regain control;

• Stage Two: She regrets what she does and feels guilty about it, but has no idea whatsoever about why she does such things;

• Stage Three: She denies her own insanity and attempts to justify being sane, by using my reaction as the cause for the quarrel. She then says things like, "You shouted at me", or "You did not talk to me", as a form of using post-drama events to replace the cause -- her. In doing so, she succeeds in projecting her mental illness and keeping her integrity safe. This is how she refuses to accept that she has a mental problem.

The more she repeats this cycle, with different people, the more obvious it becomes that she is indeed mentally ill, because the cycle reinforces itself, making her worse over time.

She then needs to escape this introspection, by abandoning and cheating, and then lying about her victims, and portraying them as evil.

Agne needs to do this in order to keep her circle of friends and family in the dark about the truth. Except that, every time she does it, the greater her fear of vulnerably, of being found, is, which leads her to repeat the same cycle with more viciousness, aggression and a stronger intent.

Her slander gets worse, her violence becomes more brutal, and her constant justifications for revenge are, then, more constant.

I only saw Agne tremble in fear in one situation, and that was when I threatened to expose her to the entire family with this book.

That certainly explains why she tried to put me in jail for the rest of my life with videos that she planned carefully.

Just to show how worse being with her becomes in time, when I invited her to spend a weekend with me in Poland, she decided to head bump me during sleep, and then later punched my face.

She pretended that she was sleeping when doing that but I know that she wasn't. I felt the balance of her weight in bed shifting, slightly opened my eyes and saw her gaining balance by pulling her head backwards before the head-bump. That's how psychopathic she is.

She attacked me because she was happy, and she could't deal with it.

At the same time, she didn't want to do anything stupid that would make me expel her from the house and country. And that's why she did those things while I was sleeping, and then said sorry, to calm me down, and make me believe it wasn't on purpose.

In doing so, she skillfully escaped my reactions while fulfilling her purpose of hurting me violently.

One can only wonder how insane someone has to be to plan such things even during sleep.

That is when I realized this would never end but only become more dramatic and violent. She will literally become more aggressive over time. But she will also become smarter, so that her aggression never suffers any repercussions.

She plays this game by doing the following:

  1. She insults verbally or attacks physically;
  2. She then apologies or justifies the attack with something unrelated;
  3. Finally, she blames the victim for not being able to cope, forget and let go.

This cycle applies to everything, even to cheating behaviors. Here's an example:

  1. First she flirts with men in front of me, installs dating apps, and cheats;

  1. She then apologizes for what she did, and demands that I forgive her, or begs for it. She will use the fact that I did not see any cheating occurring, to make me believe that it didn't occur. In her head, if I have "no proves", if I don't know "how he looked like", "which car he was driving", or "when it happened", then I can't say it did happen;
  2. Finally, she blames me for not forgetting her actions and accuses me of being paranoid, denies what she did, even after confessing it (that is, she gaslights), but keeps doing the same things, repeating this same cycle.

What made the experience of the communication exercise so interesting, is that by realizing all these things, I was actually able to, on purpose, make her react in the violent way that she often does when I don't intend it.

By causing her to attack me on purpose, and being in control of her actions, for the first time, I understood her problem. And yet, she could not tell the difference between something I made her do, and something she decided to do on her own, which means that she has absolutely no clue over herself, no self-awareness and no self-control over her own brain and thoughts; she reacts on impulse.

Agne is unaware of what she does. And that makes her a psychopath by default, incapable of any moral thought.

It is really fascinating to see that even in that moment, she could not perceive that she is insane, that her reactions prove that she has a mental problem to solve.

For her, I was just using the communication exercise to insult her. She couldn't even see the relation between the exercise and what I was doing.

Simultaneously, she couldn't see either, that many of my insults did not go through. Only those specific phrases caused a violent reaction.

In many other cases, she would react for only a few minutes and then go back to her own self.

It was with the word "coward" that things really got out of hand. And as she often seemed out of touch with reality, I had to ask her:

-- "Are you here?"

I saw no reaction, and would only receive back insults when asking that. And so I had to calm her down by asking her to...

-- "Be here in the present."

When we finished, she was furious. It was as if she did not really finish the exercise or did not understand that the exercise was over.

She kept being mad. And then, at home, she started shouting at me like a crazy person.

I had to conclude that she has some mechanisms that are really out of her control, as in any case of psychosis.

In the following days, she would start accusing me during the drills of the course, by saying:

-- "You just invented that."

-- "You just don't want me to pass the course."

-- "You are offending me."

Agne, clearly, couldn't see that what I was doing was part of the course. She did not understand and could not accept my independent will during the communication.

It is as if she expected people to always communicate within certain predefined patterns, and rejected anything that goes outside those -- her conceptualization of reality.

Agne can't control herself and the reasons are now very obvious. She is constantly being restimulated. But for me, personally, it is also very hard to handle such personalities.

My life with her was always full of ups and downs. She gets insane in the most unpredictable situations and for no reason.

Now I know, that she provokes because she is a coward, always afraid of everything, always in constant fear.

What triggers these fears or why she attacks me, is impossible to know, except that I don't think that by either getting angrier at her or ending up sick myself, I could solve this in anyway.

She is quite persistent at self-destroying everything, even if she claimed to want the relationship.

I asked many times if she really wants to be with me or just has some expectations that I match, and she always said that she wants to be with me, although behaving like she doesn't.

The fact that she can cheat, both in front of me and behind my back, proves that her words mean nothing.

Agne has zero self-control as much as she has zero responsibility, and zero will to obey and follow any rules, even if based on moral conduct.

She feels contempt for morality and despises people who are moral, by labeling them as boring.

Boring in this case, means predictable. And yet, nobody is more boring and predictable than Agne, who's only novelty comes in the variety of the men she sleeps with.

She was very proud to tell me in the last day I saw her that she cheated with a foreigner, because boring, obviously, would be to choose someone from her own culture.

Agne knows all the bars and clubs in Vilnius who attract foreigners for one night stands, because she is only interested in having sex with those -- they provide the greatest variety, the highest level of validation and the highest dose of entertainment.

Invariably, they all end up in the same situation as me. She makes them very angry and they end up saying things that they usually don't, or disappearing.

That's how I ended up too, involuntarily, supplying and supporting, and even validating her behavior against my will.

It came a point in which our relationship became like those one night stands, because as soon as she got sex, she would restart the abuse.

I believe that she cheated so many times on her relationship with me, that she eventually forgot that she had one, and started acting with me as she does with the random men that approach her in clubs.

The contradictions of Agne also manifest in many other areas. Agne wants a lot from life, but is very immature and does very little to accomplish anything.

She is so far from reaching any goal, that she truly has no idea of what she says. And that explains her need to invalidate me, suppress me and destroy my ambitions in life.

I now see that she did all that in order to gain control over my life. She insulted me because I am perceived as too valuable to be lost, and meanwhile, she learns all she can from me, to be able to get the value that I have and easily discard me.

It doesn't make any sense, but even as an office girl, she always wants to read my books on business.

Admiration would be a better tool to keep someone, but those who can't love know only invalidation as a means to gain the same result.

I often ask myself: What does she really value in a man?

Because when I asked her why she was in relationships with men that look like losers in life, she answered:

-- "They looked cool."

I probably seemed more cool to her when she saw that I was traveling instead of afterwards, when she saw me working the whole time. But she did try to keep me locked in her life, by spreading to everyone that I am aggressive and attack her.

She does this to control me with guilt, while breaking all the rules imaginable.

Agne hates having rules, and she doesn't care who suffers with her behaviors.

So many times, she shouted at my face, saying:

-- "Hit me! Why don't you just hit me?"

I refused to hit her during her moments of madness, but she would insist:

-- "You're not man enough! You are a coward! Hit me! C'mon, hit me in the face!"

Several times, she would even push me to get me to do it. This, because, since I know her, that Agne really wants to prove to everyone that I am aggressive, as she knows that this is the only chance she has of proving her innocence as an insane woman.

Any person who is sane enough should wonder why she accuses me of being physically abusive and yet keeps trying to come back to my life, despite the fact that I block her from my social accounts and never send her any message. But if they are as stupid as the psychologist she found, they will tell her the same thing: "You love him too much".

As insane as her behavior and words are, she always manages to take things to another level. Here are many of the things that she said, and which, pretty much, resume how her brain functions:

-- "I think that it is ok if other men approach me, in order to talk to me in a club or bar, just because they want sex with me, and it's also ok if they touch me, because we're just talking."

The "just talking" excuses her need to find sexual partners to cheat with.

-- "You deserve to be cheated. If I cheat on you is because you deserved it."

-- "I am always thinking about what would happen if I cheated on you and you found about it."

These phrases invalidate any sense of guilt or shame she may have felt after cheating on me, even if she cried because of it during sex.

-- "If your friends don't talk to you because of my behavior, it's your problem."

She said this because she flirts with my male friends, either she is interested in them or not, just to play with her seduction tactics.

She was always unwilling to stop flirting with men.

-- "Fucking with any random guy every single day, is selling your body and soul, but to have free sex when you are single, I don't see a tragedy here."

-- "I don't think I am a prostitute because I never asked for money."

-- "I don't sell my body; I just offer it."

That pretty much explains the complete promiscuity going on in her life.

-- "If I arrive late at 4am and don't tell you where I was, it's not of your business to know anyway."

-- "It's normal that people cheat during fights."

Here we have a complete disregard and irresponsibility towards the act of cheating in the relationship.

-- "You cannot prove that I cheated. You know nothing."

-- "If you haven't seen it, it didn't happen."

-- "I can have sex whenever I want if I don't have a boyfriend."

These sentences resume her favorite excuse to cheat, even though she created all the fights that led to the cheating behaviors.

-- "The many men that I had sex with don't really count because they were ugly. I need sex, so I don't care how they look like."

-- "I just have to be hot and I can say whatever I want."

-- "People trust me because I look cute and like a kiddo."

These three senses show the level of control she knows she has on others, and how she uses it to portray herself as a victim.

--"It's funny to see you get angry."

-- "Men never abandon a hot woman, even if she's evil."

-- "If I quit my job, you have to support me financially, because you are my boyfriend. My mother and sister don't work, and their husbands pay everything too."

-- "I never dated my African boyfriend. He just asked me one night to go to his house to have sex with him and I said yes."

-- "What's wrong with dick slapping you all the time? You can't hit me or threaten me because of that. Besides, it's fun."

-- "I reopened my Couchsurfing profile on May 2018, so I can keep meeting other guys, because I don't like to be alone when we have fights."

-- "I think I kissed about fifty guys and girls in just three years."

-- "I flirted with other guys in front of you, because I was attracted to them. I needed to see if I had a chance."

-- "It's not of your business who I fuck with; I can fuck whoever I want and do what I want."

-- "You may think I had sex with more than thirty guys, before I was 23 years old, but I don't have to tell you anything because we are not together anymore."

-- "I had sex with guys from Spain, Romania, Portugal, Africa, Lithuania, but it was only once, long time ago. I don't remember them all."

Apart from all that, many fights were also related to her taking rides from men, and not proving me where she was going, if to meet her parents or not. It happened really too many times. She would say:

-- "What's wrong with taking a ride from a man to my hometown?"

Nothing is ever wrong to Agne, not even flirting with men, including my own friends, not going to clubs where foreigners are trying to find a one night stand, not even taking rides from random men, nothing.

For her, "If I didn't see it, it didn't happen". That's how she feels entitled to behave like a prostitute without any regard for anyone.

She does love sex, and can't live without sex, as she says, but she needs it with variety, like any other narcissist, and she will cheat often to get it.

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# Chapter 9

Not only is Agne completely insane but also suffering from serious physical illnesses.

One night Agne called me, saying that she was falling down in her room, losing conscience, and feeling pain in her stomach. I told her to get into an ambulance. It turns out that she had a cyst that blew up, and created an internal hemorrhage. Probably caused from all the heavy drinking while partying that she had in the previous month, after discarding me.

She had to be operated urgently, otherwise she would die. She could hardly breathe, because the blood was already filling her organs.

I went to visit her the next day, and saw her full of tubes, getting a blood transfusion. And I was indeed shocked to see that.

I never thought someone so young would manifest such symptoms already, and could die so soon.

The doctors had no answer or solutions. Basically, it was found that Agne has a tendency to develop cysts in her body, which is the same as to say that she has a strong predisposition to develop cancer as well.

As if this wasn't enough, she is also losing her eyesight. She doesn't like to talk about it, but the speed at which she is losing her overall health, memory and eyesight is scary.

I would not abandon her because of her illnesses, even though I am sure the opposite would happen. And I believed that the experience at the hospital would be enough for her to change. But it wasn't.

This occurred on September of 2018, in Vilnius, and in June of 2019, less than a year later, she went back to partying with the same friends, this time, in London.

When, after the operation, the doctors told her to go home, she wasn't yet recovered, and so I took her to my place, to help her. And after two weeks I told her it was time to move out to her room, which she refused, although we kept fighting all the time.

She didn't want to leave the house anymore but kept repeating the same behaviors as before.

The fact that I expect her to die young doesn't change anything. I think she already knows her fate, as she keeps repeating:

-- "Why should I not have as much fun as I can in life, if life is short?"

Indeed, I can't argue with that. I can only waste my time on someone that is trying to have as much fun as possible because she already assumes that she won't live long. But, the concept of fun for Agne, is sex with a bunch of men, being drunk all the time with friends, smoking weed, and traveling the world like there is no reason to make any plans for the next week.

Her tears mean nothing. And I believe that the only reason why she insists so much on being with me is because everyone abandons her -- the men she sleeps with and cheats with abandon her, and the majority of her friends abandon her too, and all of them, I believe, for very obvious reasons.

Anyone would conclude that, if I am the only one who doesn't abandon her, and is even next to her in a hospital, she would appreciate me more, but that was far from happening.

She despised me, and was constantly thinking about ways of making me vanish from her life.

Agne is not a likable person. She is too selfish and abusive to be trusted by anyone.

Even if she treats her friends extremely well, at one point anyone realizes that she has no empathy and is only looking for her self-interest.

She's a chronic liar too, and lies too well and too fast. For that, her brain is amazingly impressive. I never saw anyone finding great excuses so extremely fast.

I also could't believe that after such traumatic experience, we would continue fighting as before, and for the same reasons, but she will always keep creating excuses to do what she wants, even if it kills her.

When I told her that she will die if she keeps pushing the limits, her answer was:

-- "You just wish me to die because you are evil."

I am evil? The first person she called when near death and told her to call an ambulance, is evil?

The only person who worried about her death, didn't sleep and visited five hospitals, looking for her, is evil?

The only person who visited her in the hospital with daily cooked meals is evil?

The only person who took her home and helped her recover from a surgery is evil?

The only person who was trying to avoid her death is evil?

The person who told her, "If you party again with the same friends, I will end the relationship with you", is evil?

I cared more about Agne than she cares about herself.

The last fight that I had with Agne, before she took the plane to London to party again with the same friends, and find more men to fuck with, after telling me that she cheated on me, was about this.

Agne is too stupid and too selfish, even for her own good, even if it kills her. She appreciates nothing. But a human being has to really be like garbage to neglect and disrespect the one who saves her own life.

I can only feel disgust and nausea for such a creature. Agne deserves nothing, not even life itself.

I took care of her when she needed the most, after she discarded me and cheated on me, and she said thank you for that, by cheating on me again with a bunch of men and then removing herself to a new relationship.

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# Chapter 10

I once created a survey to understand Agne and asked her to fill it.

Here are the answers.

"Things that I am thankful about you:

  1. Your kindness;
  2. Your patience;
  3. Your desire to improve me as a better human-being;
  4. Your cooking skills;
  5. Your desire to build a strong connection between us;
  6. That you care about me, my health and general well-being;
  7. For your interesting and meaningful/thoughtful conversations;
  8. The compliments you say;
  9. That you are such a talented person, which makes me very proud to have you in my life;
  10. That you try to make me peaceful and calm;
  11. For every morning that I wake up next to you;
  12. For your support in every move I make;
  13. For your help to organize my life;
  14. For your unique personality;
  15. That you gave me opportunities to discover my undiscovered qualities, giving me opportunities to be involved in your creativity/art field;
  16. That you could give me your "last pants" because of me;
  17. For trying to look at the same direction in life.

How I could help you:

  1. I could help you with cooking when you are working;
  2. I can bring more discipline to our lives;
  3. I can organize the weekends for us;
  4. I can stand with you in every corner and fight with the world if needed;
  5. I can be a safe place for you;
  6. I can be a responsible homemaker;
  7. I can be encouraging."

It was interesting to notice that Agne knows exactly what to do to improve the relationship, but consciously refuses to do such things.

How could she otherwise be evil, unless she knows what her partner wants, so that she doesn't give him exactly that?

What would she do differently? She answered:

"I am considering to go to a psychologist as a friend went and said it's always good to have such kind of person to talk to when we have any problems, because they are detached from the situation and look from a different angle. I have promised you to read more, to read more of your books, as you wanted, and I think I should have done this already long time ago, as my boyfriend is a writer. A big shame on me, but I have already got one of your books. Do not bother you when you work, because you don't like it; but yesterday I started to act like this and things went wrong... I will not resist your help when it touches my ego."

Agne eventually did go to a psychologist, but to gain more control over the relationship, and not to change herself.

I guess her ego is really too big to allow any change whatsoever.

As for the rest, she did the exact opposite, which is also interesting to notice here, as it proves once again that she is indeed very conscious of her evilness.

When I then asked her about her goals in life, she referred to things that are either too far in time or completely unrelated to the future of the relationship. She answered:

* "To find out the things that I want to do";

* "To adopt one child";

* "I would like to live for some time outside of Lithuania."

The following is probably the most interesting question to analyze, as she never seemed to admit it, and also never did anything of what she wrote.

It's interesting indeed, to see that she knows what to do, but never does it, on purpose, and instead blames me for trying to stop her from doing what she already knows that she shouldn't be doing.

It is intriguing to notice, moreover, how she distorts her own actions towards proving that she is willing to do what I want, when in fact she wants to do what she wants, that is, she chose me because I travel and she wants to travel too, even though she claims she would like to quit her job because of me, to make me believe that she is somehow supportive of my life goals, and not just trying to take advantage of me.

The truth is that Agne would quit something only because of herself.

She always chose foreigners to sleep with because of the prospect of using them for her own benefit.

The same applies to alcohol. She kept getting drunk almost every weekend. In fact, from what I have witnessed multiple times, Agne can't drink without abusing alcohol and ending up drunk.

When I asked her why she thinks she deserves the relationship, she said:

-- "Because we have similar goals in life, I am putting way more efforts to improve myself in order to make this relationship work, I barely consume alcoholic beverages and basically quit eating meat just because of you. I read the books that you want me to read. I am pretty slow, but I am not stopping. At one point, I was willing to quit my job and leave the country because of you, to work for you. Not many people would be willing to do such things that I am willing to do for you."

What I found interesting about the next question, is that she basically projected herself in it, blaming me for the things she is always doing herself:

-- "Things I do not like about you: You push me to talk about myself, not to close my emotions inside, but you are very tricky, you do not open yourself to me, I never know what is spinning around your head, and this is so unpredictable; When we have a fight, you do not talk, you do not want to communicate, you just leave; Even when I say something more sarcastic, you get immediately mad and start saying that I create fights... This is already too sensitive. And always is my fault, I am always guilty, always saying sorry. You are miss perfection in this life... I feel like you need a doll that could have abilities to use a computer, not me or anybody else... A happy marriage is about three things: memories of togetherness, forgiveness of mistakes and a promise to never give up on each other."

A happy marriage? What does a whore like Agne knows about it?

She can't even keep a relationship beyond one night of sex. Besides, most people feel depressed when they argue with their partner, but not Agne. She goes on to party with her friends the whole night, and gets completely drunk. Doesn't even sleep at home, saying that she has the right to "fuck whoever she wants when we're not together".

She has sex with other men after a fight to boost her ego.

Agne can't live with the pain of introspection, the possibility of being guilty of something. Any attempt at reasoning with her triggers her narcissistic rage.

She always said it's very easy to find sex partners in clubs. And at least for her it is. In fact, if a friend is coming from abroad to visit her, she will create a fight on purpose, just to be able to party with that friend and check for her opportunities once again.

One partner isn't enough to keep her overrated ego in the clouds.

On the other hand, I started noticing that she doesn't really like her friends, but only what they can do for her.

By partying with her, they allow her to get drunk and expand her attempts at finding new sex partners.

To try to stop her from meeting with them, is like cutting off the only source of entertainment that Agne wants. She would rather end a relationship forever.

This is exactly what she did when I tried to stop her from meeting with Samantha. She even said:

-- "If I have to choose between my friend and you, then I let you go."

She would then kiss one of Samantha's friends at her wedding and in front of everyone, like the dumb circus monkey Agne likes to be.

It was as if she was gladly kissing Samantha's ass with that present, and saying, "I love you so much as my friend that I am willing to dump my boyfriend for you, and kiss a stranger in front of everyone, to prove to you that I am and will always be your loyal whore."

That was somehow predictable from the combination of two demonically possessed souls partying together, reason why I tried to separate them.

Who would have thought that you can't separate two demons, right?

I went to hell to rescue one soul, and got attacked by a legion of demons.

Whenever I tried to be with her and her friends, she always refused -- because she doesn't wanted me to interfere in her flirting and other perversions -- by saying:

-- "My friends don't like you."

My friends don't like her either, but for the right reasons.

Her friends don't like me because she is always destroying my reputation to make herself look better than she actually is.

It's hard to expect more from Agne, even if I would like to believe her answers related to the relationship.

I have to look at what she keeps doing and not saying.

Besides, statistics show me that the more sexual partners a woman has, the less likely it is that she can keep a relationship.

On the other hand, she hangs out with very low level people like her, that support her, because they want her the way she is, as a complete loser just like they are. And it's worth noticing that she never agrees with whatsoever I say, despite my background and knowledge, but accepts whatsoever her moronic and demonic friends tell her, because, basically, she has no personality of her own, and is only interested on her own short term goals -- partying, getting drunk and fucking as many men as she can with as much variety as possible.

That's why she can't love or feel loved, trust or be trusted, choose or follow. Agne has no character.

There is nothing inside of her. She's completely empty. And it is impossible to put any reason inside of her head.

She always nullifies everything with phrases like:

-- "Stop talking to me! I'm busy!"

-- "You already said that ...you live in the past."

-- "You are always repeating yourself."

She actually thinks that a relationship is about control, because when she's losing it, she tries to brainwash me by repeating certain sentences like:

--"You still like me."

--"You still love me."

I also think that she always saw the relationship with me as some form of exchange of value: she gives me sex and I take her to travel for free.

Except that, if she gives sex to anyone else while with me, there's no value whatsoever in Agne as a human being. And I think she knows that, reason why she feels the need to discard me to eliminate her past wrongdoings from her memory and revalidate herself as a human being, instead of accepting the monster she is.

That's how she fixes the past -- by restarting again with someone new.

That's what she's doing now: new job, new house and new partner.

Her incapacity for introspection leads her to believe that she can just fake her way up in life and forget the past.

No wonder she suffers from memory loss. There is too much inside of her that she wishes to forget to suppress shame.

It's not hard to see what type of person she is or to conclude that she was only using me, to pretend to be someone she's not. She even confirmed it herself, when saying:

-- "I didn't love you when I signed the house contract to live with you."

She was using me because my apartment was much better than her filthy loft shared with a gay where she had her sexual adventures with strangers traveling in the country. But her life is not my responsibility, and the more I helped her, the more she disrespected me.

She went from imploring to take her back, by saying:

-- "I will do whatever you want if you take me back and accept me in the house."

To saying:

-- "You are abusive and violent".

Helping her and believing in her, so it seems, completely nullified her respect towards me, if there has even been any. But I did not enter her life to save her and then be betrayed multiple times.

I entered her life to love and be loved, and I got hate only in return. Because Agne is a monster, not a woman, or even human.

Her hate towards me has nothing to do with who I am, and much less what I did for her. Her hate belongs to her only, and is part of her insane mind.

Her diagnostic is clear: Narcissistic Personality Disorder, or NPD, with strong traits of Nymphomania.

We can even add alcohol and drug abuse to it.

She cannot perceive reality beyond the pleasures of present time. She cannot take responsibility for anything, which means she progressively and selfishly self-destroys herself in the name of immediate pleasure, and she can't associate consequences with causes because she can't process guilt and shame.

She even compares a three years relationship with me to fucking some random stranger she met on a wedding.

Her lack of empathy is, at the very least, surreal.

She flirts with men because she ignores the feelings or reactions of the boyfriend as being caused by her. Then she sees him as a game to be played and controlled, so she diminishes his self-worth to keep him under control. She constantly invalidates him to weaken him.

Once this stage is passed, she can continue doing what she wants, including cheating with other men, knowing that he won't runaway from her; or so she thinks. But she gets bored with what she has and grows more interest for other men as time passes.

Her friends, on the other hand, encourage her power over the male gender and admire her narcissistic behavior as being suitable for a woman. They are her cheerleaders, her fan club, her "flying monkeys". They are as pathetic as she is.

People of value never want to be near her. But her moronic friends probably think her stories are funny too. And so, validated and encouraged, Agne grows arrogant and more evil than before as time goes by.

Her boyfriend, whoever he is, is then trapped. He feels too weak (drained from his energy, unable to relax his mind and financially ruined) to escape. And that's how Agne plays her insanity between walls.

She then feels free to cheat as that validates her ego and actions furthermore, especially if her boyfriend remains with her.

Agne actually tests the level of abuse her boyfriend can take, by revealing that she cheats in doses that keep increasing over time, as if making him accustomed to the hidden reality:

• Level 1: Flirting with other men in front of the boyfriend;

• Level 2: Confessing that she is always "thinking" about cheating;

• Level 3: Confessing that she actually cheated already with a kiss.

According to the meaning of the phrases she uses often, I guess the following levels would predictably have to be:

• Level 4: I had sex with another guy during the relationship but it was only once;

• Level 5: I had sex with lots of guys during the relationship but I love you;

• Level 6: I need sex with lots of foreigners but I will marry you.

• Level 7: I am a slut, I fuck random guys all the time, but I don't want to divorce.

The truth is that, this whole time, Agne always had sex with multiple men. She has been merely preparing her partner to accept that, to accept that she needs to have sex with multiple men regularly while keeping a relationship.

Agne wants both, the stable relationship and her parallel life of a promiscuous whore.

She said it already very clearly, with the words:

-- "It's ok when a man is cheated if he is in love".

In her mind, cheating and keeping her boyfriend, actually boosts her worth as a woman, by reinforcing the idea that she is both attractive and loved.

It is as if she actually needed to cheat to keep her narcissistic pride as high as possible. And it's not difficult to deduct that she became proud soon after every breakup I had with her, because she got the sex she wanted to validate herself and then got me back to reinforce her sense of value.

Agne never tried to get me back in her life because she wants to be with me, but because she needs to believe that she can be attractive and loved at the same time, especially, after being used as a fuck-toy and discarded by someone else.

As in many other areas of her life, she needs to balance the contradictions that don't make any sense to a normal human being. That's why she keeps the life of a prostitute with a fake relationship that sustains her social worth in the eyes of others.

It is important for her that her family knows that she has a relationship, even if in the nights prior to visiting them, she has sex with someone else and cheats on the boyfriend.

No wonder her favorite movies are, "Nymphomaniac", and "Basic Instinct". She watched them like a little child watching movies about her favorite superheroes.

Once in a relationship, Agne always continues this cycle of invalidation and emotional abuse of the boyfriend, cheating behind his back, growing stronger in her sense of entitlement, and becoming more arrogant. Because these two parallel lifestyles suit her mental disease.

She has to find her balance by being completely unbalanced, finding her normal state by being totally abnormal.

If she manages to keep that level of control, she will gaslight her partner as much as possible, by accusing him of what she does, that is, by accusing him of wanting to control her, invalidating her and emotionally abusing her.

In doing this, she keeps the partner under control, confused, and lost, unable to analyze what she does behind his back.

I once told Agne that I had cheated to test her reaction.

She laughed loudly. Because that's what she did, and often.

Agne is the opposite of me: no responsibility about anything; as stupid as anyone can be except to do evil and cheat; no moral; no ethics; no concept of truth; no goals in life. Nothing! She's as empty as a corpse; filled with evil and filth. That's why she said:

-- "You believe in souls? What's a soul? I have no soul."

She laughed at me while saying this because it is a joke for her to consider that I could be as insane as she is.

She completely despises any moral thoughts and behaviors.

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# Chapter 11

I collected several of Agne's sayings over the years, and made my own analysis of her most insightful thoughts by mixing the phrases altogether.

In many cases, I replaced the "you are" by "I think" in order to help me in understanding how Agne really sees reality.

These are her real words and thinking patterns put into perspective for a better perception of her inner world:

- "I am always evil to my boyfriends and I can't control myself. I'm only nice to my friends because I love them and they help me overcome my breakups. I won't ever push other men away just because my boyfriend wants. I think that it's ok if other men approach me to talk to me in a club or bar because they want sex with me, as it's also ok if they touch me. We are just talking. Besides, I enjoy looking in their eyes when they want to fuck me. Flirting with strangers, talking with strangers and taking rides from strangers is normal. And I always do whatever I want."

- If my boyfriend doesn't trust me and was cheated in the past, it's his fault. He deserved it. If I cheat on him, it's his fault too. If I lie and he believes, it's his fault as well. And if he stops me from doing what I want, I will just do it anyway and lie. If he loves me, he should accept anything. But if I cheat and he doesn't see, it didn't happen. I also don't have to tell him where I go, or with whom I have been, even when I arrive home late at night. I told him that I never cheated, even if I am always thinking about what would happen if he found. I do carry condoms in my purse for whenever I am raped. But it's not cheating if I fuck someone else when we're not together. It's normal that people cheat during fights, including the fights I create to be able to cheat freely. That's why I create fights for him to breakup with me whenever I want to go clubbing and have one night stands."

- "You know, on Facebook people are nice, but in real life is shitty. I'm a mad woman. I lied to my boyfriend because I don't love him and he isn't the type of guy I want in my life. We have different lifestyles because I like to get drunk and he doesn't drink. We don't match and I think he is boring because he is always working. I never wanted a guy like him. Besides, it also freaks me out our age gap. If guys hit on me in front of him is because he doesn't look like my boyfriend. It's not my fault. And I let them touch me because I don't want to be rude. But I don't want him to cheat on me and I don't want him to go out alone at night. I also check who is he texting with all the time, to stop him from chatting with any other girls, even though I keep replying to all the guys that text me and want to have sex with me. It's also normal that I sleep outside, in a house owned by another guy, as I did once in another city, after partying and getting drunk with a bunch of guys.

- "Everybody had one night stands. To fuck with any random guy every day is selling your body and soul, but to have free sex when you are single, I don't see a tragedy here. I am not a prostitute because I enjoy sex and I don't take money."

- "Most men I have sex with don't really count because they are ugly. I need sex so I don't care how they look like. Once I even arrived home with my mouth smelling like a sucked a penis, but I told my boyfriend it wouldn't happen again because I would carry chewing gum from that moment on. I also told him that I am only with him because of sex. I need sex after other men dump me. I would prefer to keep partying, fucking ugly random guys, smoking weed, and sharing the bed with my gay friend as before, but my boyfriend doesn't want that, so I ruin his life and make him mad, so that I can tell everyone that I ended the relationship with him because he is crazy, and not the opposite. I even provoked him for nearly three years, with my smartphone in my hand, to be able to catch his reaction on camera and prove to everyone that he is the crazy one. I also told my family that he expelled me from the house after attacking me for no reason, even though the truth is that I kicked him while he was sleeping after arriving home drunk and partying with other people."

- "I don't think that I'm a gold digger, but I did ask my boyfriend to buy me a house, trips, a car and a ring. I got the last one only. So I told him that I wanted 50% of everything he earns. And because he refused, I said that I would quit my job but he would have to support me financially because I am his girlfriend, and no other reason besides that. That's what my mom and sister got from their husband, and I want the same lifestyle they have because my favorite activity is to watch movies and eat in bed while playing with my smartphone. That's what I do every single day when I am not shopping or getting drunk with friends and coworkers. But I don't think he is man enough to give me what I want, so I insult him and tell him that. And when he gets angry and refuses to talk to me, I walk naked in the house and offer sex instead of apologizing. If it doesn't work, I disappear from the house to have sex with someone else. It's not cheating if we're not together."

- "I don't sleep with my male friends, but with strangers is fine. I slept with probably thirty guys before December 2016. Every time a guy texted me a message saying he needs a bed, I would share mine, especially, if I think he's hot and from an exotic country like Portugal or Spain. I don't care how a guy looks like -- black, white, old, young, gypsies, Africans, or South Americans, as long as I can have sex. I can't live without sex. When I am single, I don't see the drama here. I don't sell my body, I just offer it, because I enjoy sex, and I enjoyed it every single time. But I don't want anyone to know about that, or what I keep doing, not even my gynecologist, because she talks to me like I am a slut. My boyfriend thinks that I'm a nymphomaniac but I don't think I am. I did invite more than fifty strangers in one single month to sleep in my room, which has only two beds attached to one another, but I am not a prostitute because I am not selling my body; I do it for free -- both the accommodation and the sex. I enjoy having sex with different guys. My boyfriend doesn't understand it because he is old fashioned."

- "I provoked fights with my boyfriend, mostly because I was checking other guys all the time and flirting with any guy I met. The reason for this? I wasn't sure he was the one. Only a whole year later, I realized that he is. Or at least this is what I told him, because I kept looking for better. I never stopped doing that. But I don't want to breakup with my boyfriend just because I told him these things, as I realized I would lose a very good opportunity to quit my job and travel the world with him if I did that. I was mad when he said that he would stay in my country for another year because of me, as I don't want to work anymore and I'm not with him because I want a relationship. I was only with him to travel."

- "Whenever my boyfriend catches me lying about something, like smoking weed for an entire year, partying and getting drunk behind his back, I answer him: "It was only once"; "It was a long time ago"; "We were not even together at that time." I said the same when he asked me about how many guys I slept with, from the hundreds that I invited online. I also said this when he asked me how many times I cheated. I told him I only cheated once, and it doesn't matter how many guys I fucked during the relationship because that's the past. I also said to other people that he is jealous and paranoid for them to never find the reasons behind our fights."

- "I can't handle negative feedback on my behavior. The first time that my family found about fights in my relationship and accused me of causing them, I lied to them, and told them that my boyfriend was beating me. I never told them the truth, and made him be known as a violent person since then to save my reputation. I also provoked him to have evidence of his anger and violence. After nearly three years, I still allow my family to think badly about him, and I accuse him of wanting to control me and stop me from socializing with other people, so that I can continue doing what I want, party when I want and sleep with whomever I want and where I want. I care only about my own needs, and I get infuriated whenever someone doesn't trust me and doesn't believe what I say."

- "I fucked more than 30 guys and kissed more than 50 in just 3 years, and before turning 23 years old. And when I see them in Vilnius, while holding hands with my boyfriend, I laugh. I think that it's funny when they pretend not to know me."

- "I never had sex with more than two men, and if I did have sex with many guys, everyone does the same anyway; Even if I was the one inviting hundreds of guys, I did not get paid to have sex and I enjoyed it, so I am not a prostitute; If I was behaving like a prostitute, it's because I was single and I can do whatever I want when single; I can't unfuck and undo what I did, therefore that's my boyfriend's problem, and not mine; If my boyfriend can't accept my past, and prefers to have another woman, it's because he is a disgusting person."

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# Chapter 12

It is always difficult for me to end a relationship, even with a person like Agne.

Whenever I sit still on a chair, doing nothing, a hurricane of thoughts invades my mind. And every single one of those thoughts moves me in a different direction.

I think, for example, about when she said:

-- "My mother and sister don't work, so I don't want to work either; I don't like your work, I just need some time off."

This is how she thought that her life with me would be like. And I guess I disappointed her when she found that I was not as rich as she assumed.

I was actually quite well financially when I met her, but the relationship drained my energy and resources and made me poorer.

Even if I could give her what she wanted when I met her, I definitely could't at this point, and that's why she gave up on me.

I also think about her health. She has a weak immune system, lacks iron and vitamins, has cysts constantly growing in her body, and can die one day from cancer. She cannot even have children due to her hormonal problems. But she insists on partying, on abusing alcohol, smoking cigars, marijuana,... And not only is her health really bad, but she also shows clear indications of being promiscuous and not being loyal.

I am sure she has cheated multiple times, and not just once, as she said.

She certainly created many opportunities for this to happen, using the same excuse too, and couldn't stop herself from seeking such opportunities.

Any man can distract her attention, and she needs it badly, like a drug addict. Even if I am just next to her, she can't control herself, she needs to flirt with other men, gain their attention, at the cost of any relationship.

If pushed to make a choice between new men and the relationship, she quits the relationship.

That's exactly what she did every single time. Even if she has to choose between friends that take her out to party to find more sex partners, and her relationship, she still chooses those friends, without any consideration for the amount of time spent with that man or what he did for her.

She can't handle receiving advice or orders or having any agreements whatsoever. It seems to me that what attracted her to me was truly and only the prospect of having more wealth and travel the world freely.

She seemed very disappointed whenever realizing that I just want to work all the time. She insulted so much my appearance that this is the only reason I see for her to be with me.

To put it simply, she's a gold digging whore.

Moreover, she knows where to get foreigners, she knows where are the bars and clubs where it is easier to meet travelers, and she always seemed more interested in meeting a richer person from abroad.

Somehow, she thought that by offering sex to travelers, she would get what she wanted. And she proudly told me that she had cheated with a smile on her face, as if it was some kind of award.

Agne is seeking for an easy life. She doesn't love, she has no empathy, and she is selfish.

She seemed very happy when I told her that I could keep meeting her, even if I leave the country, because this allows her two things -- to seek for someone else while using me to travel abroad. And that was another moment when I realized that she wasn't truly interested in living with me.

Even if I considered taking her with me somewhere else, she's not the type of person that I can take out to meet other people. She's always behaving like a whore, always talking to other guys in a group, checking how interested in having sex with her they are, and especially if she can see that they are excited with her.

She likes to put me in such games as when bringing me to meet her ex-boyfriend. She likes to play people against one another, and raise a competition for her, as if she was a trophy.

She also likes to pull men's attention when not having it. I have seen men actually ignoring her when knowing that she was with a boyfriend, and yet, she had her way of showing them that I am not as important, by isolating me and then ignoring me to be with them.

It doesn't take me long to always find her in the middle of a group of sexually frustrated men.

No wonder most women don't like her. She's not a social person, but a selfish attention seeking whore, without any respect for her own relationship or the relationship of others.

Besides, I can't imagine her being the mother of my own children. How can I look at the mother of my children as a slut that fucked all the dicks she could find, from Africans to South Americans and everything else in between?

It only takes less than a week for her to forget me and start seeking for someone else, and kiss another guy and have sex with him. She has no sense of loyalty whatsoever.

She can't take responsibility even for a breakup with me, but actually uses it as an excuse to be with someone else. So what kind of woman is she?

What can she really give me or any other man? Sex? Most likely, not even that, once she gets what she wants. She even said:

-- "I give you sex but you party with me when I want and I can refuse sex when I want and move to your house. And you have to forget what I did because it's your fault that you still remember what I did, even if I did it."

It's my fault if she cheats, kisses other men, and is always drunk and smoking weed?

What is also scary for me is how fast she hooks men -- she does it in the exact same way she behaved with me. She will touch them and tell them:

-- "I think you want to kiss me".

She seduces like a sexual predator. She escalates fast with physical contact, and then projects the thoughts of what she wants to see happening.

That's indeed a very good method, that avoids any responsibility while arousing another person. It's simple too.

She can then blame them for kissing her and inviting her for sex, even though she's the one playing the whole game.

She did the same with the last man she cheated with. She said:

-- "He kissed me."

She also said that she was very attracted to him, which means she made him kiss her, after giving obvious signs, as she always does with any man.

Agne could be a very popular and wealthy prostitute, and I don't understand why she didn't chose this lifestyle, as the only thing missing in her "exciting" life is really the money part.

I can surely see that she learned it all from the many men she had sex with. That is also why I have very little doubts that she used me.

She never wanted to help me with my work, but just travel and enjoy life without doing anything more than scrolling on her smartphone the whole day and giving me sex once in a while, whenever she would be in the mood. Probably no more than once a month, this until, obviously, she could find anyone else that was better, with more money.

Raising a family also didn't seem to be in her mind. She actually considered to continue partying and cheating behind my back after being a mother. Those where her own words:

-- "I am afraid that if one day we have a baby, you won't let me go out to party with my friends, and instead demand that I stay at home taking care of our son."

One way or another, how could I live with someone who can't process blame and always blames me instead for her own actions?

She has no empathy and will never accept accountability or culpability for abuse because she has a mental disorder. She will lie and distort the truth to make herself look like a victim, a good person, to hide her own abusive behavior, while portraying me to others as the abuser.

She knows that she is an abuser and does it for a necessity she can't control -- the need for conflict and drama, the need to constantly seek for new sexual supply.

All the things she accused me of, are things she does herself:

-- "You want me in a box."

-- "You just want to control me."

-- "You are manipulating me."

-- "You are mean."

-- "You are evil."

-- "You are like a drama queen."

-- "You cheated on me."

Her response when cornered is always the same:

-- "You are crazy."

-- "It never happened."

-- "Maybe it will happen if you keep talking about it."

-- "It happened only once."

-- "It won't happen again."

It was certainly not "only once" that she cheated on me, as she said, because the excuse was always the same: "We were not together."

Every single time that we had a fight, she had an excuse to have sex with someone else. And if I count all the fights we had -- that gave her an excuse to go out and find a new sex partner -- she had, at least, more than fifty opportunities in three years to cheat.

It is because the pattern of behaviors and justification is always the same, that I don't need to see what happened, to know it did.

Agne cheated on me more than a dozen of times.

Three years was enough to see that everything always repeats itself in a kind of loop, like a horror movie that always ends in the same way.

Not only that, but she doesn't take responsibility and always justifies her behaviors, no matter how serious they were.

If I abandon her because of her actions, she says: -- "I cannot control myself."

It we have a big fight, because of what she does, she says: -- "You deserve it."

If I complain about her lack of respect and insults, she says: -- "You are too sensitive."

If I react to her insults and insult her back, she will say: -- "You are evil."

If she attacks me physically, and I respond in the same way, she says: -- "You are violent."

In the book, "What Makes Narcissists Tick", by Kathy Krajco, these patterns are perfectly resumed, when the author says: "The brain is programmed to perform logical operations on its ideology. So the result of this mental virus is the conclusion that believing your own lies makes you innocent of lying. People abuse their minds like this and then wonder why their brains don't work right."

I do believe that Agne is so repetitive on her own lies and betrayals, that she ends up getting trapped in her own mental web.

That's why she even creates fights on purpose to cheat.

It doesn't matter, at one point, how things happen for her, as long as they do. It all basically keeps getting worse after that, in automatic mode.

Her behavior is just the starting point. She will even say things like:

-- "I was creating fights and checking other guys because I was not sure if you were the one."

Another weird moment for me was when I told her that I would renew my house contract to be with her. Because apparently, she was only with me to travel and quit working, and by not traveling to be with her, she lost interest in me.

How ironic! She was always claiming that I only wanted her to work for free and sex, but she is the one that used me for sex and to quit her job.

Every time we got back together, after weeks apart, she would obsessively talk about traveling and quitting her job, because that's all she wanted, and that's the only reason that motivated her to come back to my life.

She always said:

-- "I don't want to break up with you because I realized I am losing a good opportunity to quit my job and travel."

I also find it strange when she says that she only behaved badly with me because I make her feel different, as if there was an excuse to hit me with an umbrella on the face, punch my arm, or hit my groin all the time.

Not only that, but she associates herself with people that wanted the relationship destroyed and then brings to me their own insults, by repeating the same words and making them her own. And what does she do when someone insults me because of her? She laughs.

And how can anyone be proud of cheating? I saw nothing on her face when she confessed it -- no shame, no regret, no emotion whatsoever.

So let us recall everything: Looking at other guys is cheating -- emotional cheating; texting with other guys is cheating -- It's preliminary cheating; kissing other guys is factual cheating.

She didn't admit to have sex with all the guys she was with, but if she can have sex with a guy in her sister's wedding, and hook up a new man in her friend's (Samantha) weeding, she certainly didn't waste any time in having sex with him.

She would not seduce him and let him go just like that.

She does what she does for sex. And she claims to always be thinking about cheating sexually because she actually does cheat often.

The evidence, that she actually did it, was too obvious to be denied.

Agne is a like a little child. She wants attention, makes a temper tantrum when she doesn't get it, lies to get her way, and looks at men as toys to play with.

She uses her body as if it was just an object for fucking.

A relationship for her is a means to an end only -- traveling, gold rings, cars, houses, and other gifts.

She even had the audacity of asking for 50% of my income. But having it all, is not enough for her, as she hated me for having a better house while she lived in a tiny room; she hated me for being right all the time; she hated me for having more knowledge than she does; she hated me for knowing when she lies.

Why so much hate? To suppress her actions? She behaves like an entitled bitch, but she's nothing more than a common whore suffering with psychopathy.

Once we were apart for several weeks, and then she kept trying to come back to my apartment and seduce me to have sex with her. When she finally got what she wanted, she started to cry during sex, reminding me two of my former girlfriends, who also cried during sex because they had cheated and felt bad about it.

When I asked her why she was crying, she refused to answer.

I believe that Agne eventually learned how to handle the guilt of having sex with multiple men at the same time, because last time I saw her, there was no emotion in her. She told me that she had cheated with a smile on her face.

I don't think Agne will ever be happy or mentally healthy. She will surely never be able to have a normal relationship with anyone, despite what she might say to other people or show on social media, or even hide along the way.

I think she is pushing herself harder and more deeply downwards. And one day, very soon in the future, she will die, either by suicide, cancer or aids.

The darkest future for her, would actually be to get completely blind, before these things occur, as she is also losing her eyesight very fast.

I am actually surprised that she can keep a job, because her brain is so messed up, that she can't focus on anything or remember anything she learns.

Right now, as I write these words, Agne is in London, receiving training to join her new company, and partying as usual, with the same friends that nearly got her dead in Vilnius.

I look at everything, and I can't really hate her, because she is already paying heavily for her own actions, and suffering because of what she does.

Beyond that, and because she keeps refusing to take responsibility for her own behaviors, that lack of self-awareness is destroying her.

Agne is a victim of her own mental illness. She doesn't know what she wants and she doesn't know what she should want either.

She keeps wasting herself in her own life. And so, I am afraid that her dreams will never be more than just dreams. She does not have the capacity or maturity to be responsible for her own happiness.

---

There is a biblical quote that perfectly describes the relationship I had with Agne, as well as her dramatic future. It says in Proverbs 10:21: "A good person's words will benefit many people, but you can die with stupidity."

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# Chapter 13

On Saturday, June the 15th of 2019, Agne invited me for a coffee by email, by writing:

-- "Can I invite you for a coffee? Without any bad intention."

I though it was all over between us, so when she invited me out, I actually asked if she wanted to say goodbye.

She said she just wanted to talk, and kept asking me when I was leaving the country.

Then she admitted to have cheated days ago by kissing another man.

I did not know that day, but would eventually find, months later, that in fact Agne was already cheating on me with someone that she met at work; a lawyer by the name of Tadas.

He worked on the 6th floor while she worked on the 3rd. And most likely, they met inside the elevator on their way to work.

---

--------

IT WAS NOT WITH SAMANTHA that she was this entire time, as she was telling me to keep me aside, but with this Tadas.

Quite simply, Agne had to know first if this relationship was solid enough to let me go. And it was, except that, despite her efforts, ended only a couple of months later.

She knows that all of her relationships are doomed to fail, so she tries to keep a man at distance first, to increase his interest in her, to make the interaction last longer than just sex.

It's what she did to me, just before traveling to Denmark.

Besides, Agne's stories are always the same. She doesn't "date men". She moves immediately to sex when meeting a guy she's attracted to, and then starts a relationship from there.

She doesn't have the concept of getting to know a person before starting a relationship.

Contrary to normal human beings, she starts from sex, and then goes backwards to letting herself be known, if that ever happens, because Agne is an empty vessel filled with nothingness.

As many other people, including her mother, I kept falling for the lies she tells and her dramas, full of tears, but I believe now that every time she disappeared from sight, to party with friends, she had sex with other men, was dumped, and then returned to me to get her self-esteem restored.

She never liked me. She's an empty person without any consideration, empathy or emotions.

She only cares about herself. And I know now that she only cries because nobody accepts her as she is.

As soon as she got a chance to find someone else, she dumped me as if I was just a piece of garbage.

Agne talked about that kiss as if it was completely normal, as if she got pleasure from it. And I'm sure it wasn't the first time, even though she said it was.

I believe this due to her own justification:

-- "We weren't even together."

Yes, we weren't together for less than five days, because she knew she could get me back.

Agne, as always, kept her options open, by setting me aside with a fight created by herself.

This was always her tactic. First, she creates fights to be able to do what she wants, to have sex with other men, and then she tries to get me back when it all fails, pretending to feel remorse. But she had no remorse for anything; she just can't handle being dumped by her fuck buddies.

After saying that she kissed another man, she invited me for a walk near the river, as if it was the most normal thing in the world.

Instead, I took her to a corner where nobody would see, and asked for a confirmation of what she had said, to which she answered...

-- "There's nothing wrong because we weren't even together", resuming the dozens of fights we had, and clarifying the meaning behind the, "If you knew I had sex with other men, you would not even want to be with me"; and the "If you can forgive one of your former girlfriends for cheating, you should forgive me too."

Agne learned to manipulate me well, and for her I was the doll, that could be kept in a box, on a shelf, to be picked after she was dumped by other men.

She was using me after every sexual encounter to keep her self-esteem in one piece. And what a perfect deal it was, because she used me to show to her family that she is a normal human being too, while portraying me as an abusive partner, to hide the reasons for our fights.

In doing so, she was able to keep the relationship as a social mask, while being the whore she always was behind everyone's back.

Once Agne confirmed what she had done, with a big smile on her face, I slapped her really hard, and told her:

-- "No, Agne! Now we are not for sure together anymore."

She took her hand to the face, surprised, because indeed, this was the first time ever that I slapped her face.

Despite what she told other people about me, it had never happened before.

Nevertheless, if her purpose with this last encounter was to make me suffer, she had succeeded.

I was letting her go, moving on with my life, and then went into a depression.

We had many fights, almost always because of her slutty behavior, but she never apologized for anything. She actually admitted that she was trying to find someone else. And only God knows how many men she kissed and had sex with in that quest for three years, while keeping me on a shelf, waiting for her changes, which never ever happened.

Agne is this kind of person that has sex with someone she just met, and then enters a relationship with the same person the next instant, and thinks it's perfectly normal to do so.

If it fails, she also considers to be normal to go back to the previous boyfriend, and hide from him what she did. She had been doing this with all the men.

I now see that her life repeats the same pattern.

Interestingly, she didn't show any emotion, either when telling me what she did, or after being slapped.

There was no regret, no fear, no remorse, nothing. And that, because she did it on purpose in order to move on without guilt.

She deserved that slap, but I turned my back and went away, not to break her face as she deserved too.

Before the final goodbye, I did say to her:

-- "Weeks ago you were crying, telling me that you have no friends, but you deserve no friends... you are empty and evil; I did a lot for you and was even next to you the whole time, when you were in that hospital, after nearly dying, and you just kissed some random guy like that because you can't control yourself like a stupid slut?"

She coldly and without any emotion whatsoever answered:

-- "Why should I even be thankful for what you did?"

I stared at her in shock and replied:

-- "Are you that so empty? Don't you have anything inside of you?"

She became silent.

She seemed to be smiling as well after getting slapped.

It is hard to believe that someone can be so young and already so sick. Agne is only 25 years old, and is as empty as a dead body.

I have been cheated before and more than once but I never saw such coldness in someone's eyes.

So many times I have tried to let things go, but she had to do that and meet me to tell me. Why?

The purpose in telling me this was clearly to push me away from the country for good, so that I never see her together with her new toy.

Reflecting back at another similar situation, in which she confessed that she was using a dating app to meet men, and didn't want a relationship with me before making her choice among her other options, I told her that I would beat any guy I saw next to her, and I believe she must have told this to whomever was having sex with her, as she would later tell me the following:

-- "All men are pussies. They are cowards."

Why would she say this, unless the guy she was with got scared of being beaten, and disappeared from her life because of that?

In fact, she changed her mind very quickly, between not wanting to see me anymore, to date other men, and wanting to go back to my life. And it makes total sense, if she told that guy that I am a black belt of several martial arts.

Agne didn't just kissed someone at a wedding because she would not have told me about how many men she has already kissed either. She was in a new relationship and trying to keep me in standby once again.

Agne has this tendency to drastically and irrationally reduce her numbers, such as saying fifty when reflecting on the number of men she kissed, and only about ten when referring to the ones she had sex with, even though she has directly invited online more than three hundred to sleep in her bed.

How many more would she invite in a club to have sex with her? She said it herself:

-- "It's very easy to pick a man in a club to have sex with."

There are about 48 weekends in a year for her to party, and she created fights with me on purpose nearly every week, to be able to cheat, so it's not difficult to make the math here.

That's why she treats me with such contempt and disdain. I am a complete fool in her eyes.

She would not reveal that she is in a new relationship to others, not until she is sure that this guy won't runaway from her anytime soon, as others always do.

Typically, Agne's relationships never last more than one night or a few days of wild animalistic sex with someone she knows nothing about and doesn't care about knowing.

Agne is so obsessed with what others think of her, that controlling a man like a toy is far more important than knowing who he is.

That knowing is only relevant if helpful in the manipulation process.

I know now that her questions are always related to manipulation and control, exactly the same words she used to gaslight me. She constantly accused me of the things she did, and portrayed me to other people in the same light of what she was doing to me, to keep the truth hidden.

From the start, Agne has shown me that she's nothing more than a whore, even though I met her when she was only 22 years old.

The reason why this truth hurts me so deeply, is because this is precisely the reason why I ended the relationship so many times with her.

I knew she was a slut and wouldn't change, even though it was hard for me to accept this fact for a very long time.

I was always trying to move on with my life, and she was always trying to pull me backwards, with false promises, tears, and supplications. And I was naturally confused, but lost my friends, my social life, and much more because of her, including my sanity.

Worse than everything she did, before meeting me or during the relationship, is her pride in being a whore. Not even nearly dying changed her a bit.

Days after ending the relationship with Tadas, she was already texting travelers, as I found on her social media.

-- "When are you coming back to Lithuania?", she would ask them directly, leaving no doubts about her intentions.

Agne changed nothing in three years.

She reminds me of the interviews with Pornstars, in which they consider themselves famous and important because they suck hundreds of dicks on camera. It makes me sick to witness this truth about her. And she didn't have to do this. She could have just move on with her life and let me move on with mine.

Instead, she tried to put me in jail with false accusations, she systematically punched me and kicked me during sleep, she tried to make me lose the apartment, she tried to put me in the middle of fights with former boyfriends, she tried to eliminate my social accounts, she destroyed my social life, she flirted in front of me with many men, and she cheated.

I gave her many chances for three years, and in the end I turned into the fool that I predicted I would be by keeping her in my life.

As I told her in this last conversation:

-- "I put so much efforts on you and you ended up going back to how I found you: a whore."

She didn't even react.

It's as if she was proud to show me that I was right this whole time, that she's just a whore and has always been one, and can't be helped by anyone.

She didn't understand that my disappointment was related to her. She was happy to see me frustrated, angry and sad.

It was as if she was happy to make me feel the emotions that she was supposed to feel about herself but can't.

It is as if she was showing me that I wasted three years of my life, by caring about her tears, dramas, and lies, and promises, plus the "I am always alone and I have no friends."

I observed her going home from the distance and she was walking like it was a perfectly normal day as any other.

Her life was made easy because I was always around like a safe net whenever she fell. But I hope that now she really pays for everything she did and deserves.

Agne has really no idea of how damaged her brain already is, or how predictable her future can be by her behaviors. On the other hand, if she enjoys being a whore, then I was only an idiot who tried to make her into a normal human being, an ideal wife to marry with.

In this sense, she was right, as she repeatedly told me in the last encounter:

-- "You were trying to change me into someone I'm not."

I certainly was. I was trying to change the party slut and cheating psychopathic attention whore she is, into a normal human being.

If she didn't change from 22 to 25 years old, she will never change now.

I believe she is actually much worse. She has learned to take advantage of others, to manipulate at a larger scale, and to use many men at the same time to satisfy her sexual needs.

Worse than that, she has learned to take advantage of psychologists and her friends, to become a better manipulator and sex addict.

She even asked her coworkers how they met their husband, to meet more sexual partners. And she asked her friends how to control men, to keep her own harem under control.

The people that Agne hangs around with made her worse. Probably, they inspired her to punish me further, with more devastating consequences, because when I asked her why she was always provoking me to make videos of my reaction, her answer was:

-- "If you beat me, I have evidence to show to the police."

In other words, she was trying to get me to beat her on purpose to put me in jail, even though she has been telling to everyone in her family that I am physically abusive.

Somehow, she got here an excuse to avoid people thinking she's insane. And because she was terrified that everyone could know the truth, if talking to me about the situation, she decided that it would be better to just put me in jail for life with false accusations. That's how scared she is about people knowing the truth about her.

I don't like violence but I can open exceptions for the demons that walk the earth, demons like Agne. I would pity her if it was just a mental disease, but it's much more than that. She knows that she's evil and she takes pleasure from it. She enjoys torturing others, manipulating people, turning them against one another, and seeing people getting hurt.

Anything goes for Agne to have sex with whomever she wants and keep the truth from being found. That's how out of control she has become.

She is an out of control psychopath with a strong sex addiction -- a demon on earth. And she deserved that slap really many times, when throwing objects at my face, when punching me while I sleep (pretending she was sleeping too), when arriving home drunk and attacking me, and so on.

I actually felt relieved from all this abuse.

Agne took the plane to London on Monday 17, only a few days after this last encounter.

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# Chapter 14

I understand now where all the hate Agne has towards me comes from. I was the only person who found who she is and could reveal it to others by writing this book. That's why she was obsessed with putting me in jail with false accusations of physical abuse.

I found the truth about her, that her virtual world is not in any way different form her real world.

She cheated on me multiple times with many men. She didn't just have two boyfriends but many. She didn't just have dozens of one night stands but probably over one hundred. And she didn't just kissed a random guy in a wedding but started a new relationship with him.

She told me that to push me away so that she can say to others she started a new relationship because I left the country. It's the perfect strategy, to make herself look as innocent as she wants others to see her. But the truth is that she has been trying to start another relationship since she started one with me.

She was never in a relationship with me. She can't be in a relationship with anyone.

Agne is a very sick human being. She's addicted to sex with multiple men and she hates love and happiness. She only cares about herself and her sexual needs. And she has a highly distorted view of the world.

I can clearly see now that, among all the lies she told me, some were the greatest truths.

She created fights whenever she wanted to have sex with other men, because, in her mind, if we break up after a fight, it's not cheating. She said:

-- "It's normal that people cheat during fights."

-- "I was creating fights and checking other guys because I was not sure you were the one."

-- "I can fuck whoever I want and arrive home when I want, because you are not my boyfriend anymore and this is my house as well."

-- "I do whatever I want, because I'm not in a relationship anymore, and I can fuck whoever I want".

-- "I need sex, and I can have sex with whoever I want when I am single.

The reasons why she hided from me that she was having sex with other men were also perfectly justifiable in her mind:

-- "When a man loves a woman, it is normal that he accepts her back when she cheats."

-- "If I lie and you believe, it's your fault for taking me back".

-- "If you haven't seen it, it didn't happen."

-- "If you knew that I cheated on you, you would not even talk to me anymore."

-- "Oh poor you, you sacrifice your awesome life because of me, because you just feel I want to be with you."

-- "You deserve to be cheated. If I cheat on you is because you deserved it."

-- "It's not of your business who I fuck with; I can fuck whoever I want and do what I want."

If under suspicion of cheating, she basically becomes better at manipulating the facts:

-- "It won't happen again because next time I will bring chewing gum with me."

-- "I was trying to cheat on you but that's the past and you should shut up now."

Even if Agne behaves like a common prostitute, she justifies everything by rationalizing the behaviors in the following way:

-- "I need sex; I can't live without sex."

-- "I'm not a prostitute because I never accepted any money."

-- "I did it for pleasure and I enjoyed it every single time."

-- "I knew I would not see them again, and that's why I slept with them."

-- "To have free sex when you are single, I don't see a tragedy here."

As a matter of fact, Agne is so addicted to having sex with different men, that she has absolutely no idea of what a relationship is, as the following statements show:

-- "I never dated my African boyfriend. He just asked me one night to go to his house to have sex with him and I said yes."

-- "I was only trying to see if I could get you."

She falsely accused me of being insane and physically abusive to keep her family and friends in the dark, far from knowing the truth exposed in this book, and she knew I was writing this book as well, which terrified her greatly. And so, she tried to put me in jail to stop me from sharing this information with the world. But the moral of this story is actually very simple: You can't make a whore into a lady, and if you try to rescue one soul out of hell, you will turn all the demons against you.

To love a soul possessed by the devil is a suicide mission. It has cost me, at the very least, my own sanity and happiness. She stole from me three years of my life and I barely noticed it because I became obsessed with helping her, as she wanted, to keep me in the shelf of men she could abuse permanently, even while cheating with others.

She was never interested in being helped. That was just a hook to keep me for as long as possible.

As a matter of fact, the world seems to have gained more color and joy since she removed herself from my life. I feel like I am coming out of a spell, a very horrific spell.

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# Book Review Request

Dear Reader, Thank you for purchasing this book! I would love to know your opinion. Writing a book review helps in understanding readers and also has an impact on other reader's purchasing decisions. Your opinion matters. Please write a book review! Your kindness is greatly appreciated!

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# Booklist

Books written by the author:

Agne: Inside the Mind of a Narcissist;

Destiny: When Your Soulmate Finds You;

Disenchanted: Poems by Rowan Knight;

Illusion: When a Nymphomaniac Falls in Love;

One Chance: 20 Short Stories with a Plot Twist and Moral Lesson;

Prophecy: A Message to Humanity;

Slave: Fulfilling a Prophecy;

Soulless: Letters to a Narcissist.

# About the Publisher

This book was published by 22Lions.com.

Follow us at Facebook.com/22lions
