I remember not knowing what gay was but that
he was different.
The first time I thought that I might be gay
was actually in the eighth grade.
I remember when I was twelve years old and
in the Girls scouts, I had the biggest crush
on somebody.
I remember really wanting to put my arm around
this girl's waist.
Everybody in the family embraced me.
I feel very blessed that they accepted me
when I came out.
I think he was sixteen or seventeen and he
shared with me one day that he identified
as gay.
I remember just putting my arms around him
and saying you're mine.
we'll just go forward.
I felt release.
he always had a friend, a special friend.
I noticed he was you know talking on the phone
alot, one day he asked me to go to the mall
he was actually going to meet up with this
friend.
Long story short he ended up going his way
and me and my brother were still at the mall,
and I was like so Khalil, he's gay, are you
gay, no I didn't even ask, you are gay, Khalil
said yes he told me he was and from there
on, it was always love, because it was love
from the beginning our relationship was built
on love.
In the black community as in other communities
there is a long way to go towards erasing
homophobia that has been one of the probably,
hardest things that I've had to deal with.
When I came out my family was quite unaccepting.
I had a child by that point.
when my daughter was born I moved a couple
of times for my job and all of a sudden I
got a subpoena for custody of my daughter.
This was back in the eighties so understand
that I had no rights, and so my mother had
custody of my daughter.
My mother raised my daughter I think I lost
my daughter I know I have, I've lost a grandson
as well yes I do have a grandson that I'm
not allowed to see.
that's the way is.
So, so everybody loses.
Frankly there have been times when I've been
afraid for Ty.
This could be a hostile walk in the Portland
community just being black and male.
so to be black and male and gay adds to the
fear that I've felt sometimes for his safety,
and at the same time i know that he is part
of a community that has embraced him.
Our church family of course has embraced him.
Having a pastor that is loving caring non-judgmental
is very important to me.
It makes me feel warmed, welcomed, accepted.
there is a stereotype still operating about
the African American church being an unwelcoming
place for gay and lesbian folk and I want
to call it for what it is.
I think it's a stereotype.
I mean every church has got gay people in
it.
They're sitting in the pews they're in the
choir, they're playing the music, they may
even be preaching so it is a stereotype.
we need to call for what it is and keep breaking
it down.
I think it took some time for me to really
try to reach out and find places that were
open and accepting and affirming and understanding
that true faith is all about love.
I'm African American, I'm gay, and I live
in a highly Caucasian community and I must
be able to operate or at least function in
all of those.
I'm blessed in the fact that I live in a community
that cares about all three.
We come from a family of community builders
and what I want for our family is that they
be able to thrive that we are a part of building
what Martin Luther King Jr. called, beloved
community.
A community that embraces all of its people
and the potential of all of its people.
Well the fact that I'm sixty seven years old
means that I've gone through the African American
movement with Dr. King and I've also gone
through and still going through the movement
with gays.
We're moving.
We've got a long way to go.
ok, We should be very positive about that
we need to be patient but not too patient.
Everyone wants the same thing as thats a quality
of life to be accepted and to be able to just
be free and just to love and support that
if nothing else support that.
For all the families out there erasing homophobia
starts with you.
To accept me you have to accept him and that's
really how I stand on it and I always have.
You know, having that support it's like it's
immeasurable.
To have a wonderful brother, you know, it
means the world to me and it just so happens
that he's gay.
What I love about Ty: two things courage and
intelligence, intelligence and courage, that's
Ty.
I'm just thankful of all the support that
she has given me over the years.
Being a Mom and a friend and someone that
cares and tries to understand.
We are some of the most spiritual people that
I know of and that probably there is because
of that spirit we can be one the most energetic
the one of the most forceful communities out
there.
We love you.
Love us back.
