Back by popular demand, we’re bringing you
part three in our series of stories about
some of the dumbest people on the planet.
The Darwin Awards are awarded to people who
died from sheer stupidity.
Or, if they survived, they did something that
would guarantee that they will never reproduce
to pass on their DNA… which we’re sure
you’ll soon agree is absolutely for the
best.
Here are 10 more incredible stories of legendary
idiocy…
10.
Going the Distance
We all have the urge to break the rules every
once in a while.
For one Maryland man, an empty Amtrak train
station was his time to shine.
He didn’t want to go up the “up” escalator
like any normal schmuck.
No — he wanted to go the distance, and achieve
his dreams of sprinting up the “down”
escalator.
But, of course, he had to do this when no
one was looking.
Het set his plan into action at midnight of
December 18, 2018.
He actually did run his way to the top.
Triumphant, but out of breath, he slipped,
and tumbled backwards down the stairs, and
hit his head very hard on the way down.
The next morning, the train station staff
found his body, and were totally confused
as to how someone could get killed on the
escalator.
It was only when they examined the CCTV footage
that they saw what happened.
9.
You’re Not Santa…
Ending a relationship is never easy.
But for some people, getting dumped can turn
them into a completely irrational person.
For one 49-year-old doctor named Jacquelyn
Kotarac, her anger was enough for her to try
breaking into her ex-boyfriend’s house in
Bakersfield, California while he was on vacation.
At first, she picked up a shovel and tried
to use it to break in, but it didn’t work.
So she found a ladder and climbed up to the
roof, because she had the brilliant plan of
attempting to climb down the chimney.
Apparently, no one told her that Santa Claus
is just a legend (er… spoiler alert, kids!),
and human beings can’t actually fit down
chimneys.
Of course, you can guess what happened.
She got stuck.
The thing about being face-first in a chimney
is that no one can hear you scream.
Her body wasn’t discovered until three days
later, when a house-sitter stopped by to check
on the property.
The chimney had to be taken apart in order
to remove Kotarac’s body and give her a
proper funeral.
8.
Florida Man Strikes Again
Forget Infinity War — this is truly the
most ambitious crossover event in history.
You may or may not have seen our “Florida
Man” and “Florida Woman” lists here
on TopTenz, but it’s about time world’s
worst superhero won his own Darwin Award.
In March 2019, a 36-year-old man named Elian
Garcia-Rivera kept a pigeon coop on his property.
One of his pets got loose, and flew up to
a power line.
Garcia-Rivera had the brilliant idea of grabbing
a 20-foot aluminum pole, and began swinging
it at the bird, hoping that it would fly back
down.
First of all, metal conducts electricity.
Secondly, swinging a pole at a bird isn’t
exactly going to bring it back to you.
As you can probably imagine, once the aluminum
pole hit the power lines, Garcia-Rivera was
hit with such a powerful jolt of electricity
that his body flew backward and onto the ground.
He was rushed to the hospital, where he was
pronounced dead.
7.
Instant Karma
In March 2019, a 28-year-old man broke into
a garage in Marion, Indiana, with the intention
of stealing whatever valuables he could find.
Normally, such a thief might steal expensive
tools, or vehicles.
But the thief believed that he hit the jackpot,
because he spotted a huge antique safe sitting
on the floor.
It was locked, and he did not have the proper
tools to break into it.
So he decided he may as well try to take it
with him.
However, he completely underestimated just
how heavy it was.
The 900-pound safe fell on top of the burglar,
crushing him to death.
The next morning, the homeowner, George Hollingsworth,
noticed that his garage door was damaged.
So he rushed inside to see what had been taken.
This is when he discovered the body of a complete
stranger crushed under the antique.
He called 9-1-1, but the man was already dead.
The most ironic part?
The safe was completely empty.
6.
Ssstupid
In 2018, a 35-year-old man named Zaim Khalis
Kosnan from Kuala Langat, Malaysia was driving
home from work at 3 a.m. when he spotted a
python on the side of the road.
Pythons can fetch several hundred dollars
when they are sold as exotic pets, and they
are also use to make snakeskin boots and purses.
So, either way, he could make some good money
if he managed to catch it.
When he arrived back at his home, he told
his sister about his intention to nab the
python.
He grabbed a few tools, and jumped back on
his motorcycle.
Kosnan found the snake, and held it by its
head.
Then, he got back on his motorcycle.
As he was driving, the python began to wrap
its body around Kosnan, constricting and squeezing
him.
In case you weren’t aware, pythons can constrict
and consume an entire human being in under
an hour.
By the time the authorities found him, they
had to kill the snake and recover his body.
5.
Bulletproof
In several Western African countries, people
living in remote villages still believe in
ancient superstitions about demons and witchcraft.
Shamans and witch doctors are still considered
to be incredibly powerful figures in a community.
In 2018, a 26-year-old Nigerian man named
Chinaka Adoezuwe purchased a charm from a
local witch doctor, which apparently had a
spell cast on it that would make him bulletproof.
Confident that magic is real, he asked his
friends to try and shoot him.
As you can imagine, they shot him, and he
died.
The friends were arrested for his murder.
According to the BBC, there are multiple cases
of deaths caused by “bulletproof charms”
in Nigeria.
In some of the stories, the witch doctors
would even hand a gun to their customers immediately
after selling them the charm, with the promise
that they would survive after shooting themselves.
But, of course, if they kill themselves in
the process, they can’t exactly ask for
a refund.
4.
Too Much of a Good Thing
In 1974, a 48-year old health food enthusiast
from England named Basil Brown claimed that
he could detox his body by drinking a gallon
of carrot juice every day.
While it’s true that drinking fresh vegetable
juice is a great source of vitamins, most
doctors and nutritionists would recommend
that people need so much more than that to
have a balanced diet.
Brown learned this lesson the hard way.
By drinking these gallons of carrot juice,
he had consumed 70 million units of Vitamin
A over the course of 10 days.
His skin turned yellow and his liver completely
failed.
After his autopsy, the coroner confirmed that
the carrot juice was to blame.
It turns out that even if you are eating a
balanced diet, too many carrots may turn your
skin orange as well, due to an excess of beta-carotene
in the bloodstream.
Just how many carrots are too many?
Well, that actually depends on the person,
and the speed of your metabolism.
But if you want to avoid winning a Darwin
Award, yellow or orange skin is a sign you
need to stop.
3.
All Dogs Go to Heaven
Some people will go above and beyond for their
dogs.
In fact, there have been studies that show
that when pet owners see a dog, their brain
lights up in the same areas as when they see
their own children.
By the way — no study has shown the same
result with cats, probably because we’re
all aware that they’re trying to control
our minds to do their bidding.
So it shouldn’t be all that surprising that
in 1981, a man won a Darwin Award in an attempt
to save a canine’s life.
Two young men named David Kirwan and Ronald
Ratliff were visiting Yellowstone National
Park.
They brought along Ratliff’s Great Dane,
“Moosie” in the back of their pickup truck.
When they got out to look at one of Yellowstone’s
famous “fountain paint pot” hot springs,
Moosie spotted the water, and assumed that
it was a swimming pool.
Of course, the dog had no way of knowing that
it was actually 220 degrees Fahrenheit, which
is boiling.
Since he was not being kept on a leash, the
dog barrelled towards the water, and jumped
in head-first.
Almost immediately, the dog began to yelp
in pain as it was being boiled alive.
Kirwan started running towards the water to
save Moosie.
A bystander shouted at him, “Don’t go
in there!”
He replied, “Like hell I won’t!”
You can guess what happened after Kirwan jumped
in.
Ratliff had to step into the pool as well,
and he suffered second-degree burns on his
feet to pull out his friend.
Kirwan’s skin was peeling off his entire
body, and he had gone completely blind.
He was brought to the hospital, and died the
next day.
The moral of the story?
No matter how cute Fido might be, please don’t
value a dog’s life above your own.
2.
When Animals Strike Back
Okay, so that last entry was more than a bit
grim.
So it’s time to balance it out with some
animal justice.
Rhinos are an endangered species, but that
doesn’t stop some poachers from breaking
into restricted areas in order to hunt them
anyway.
In April 2019, a group of poachers snuck into
the Kruger National Park in South Africa at
night.
Well, you know that saying that “an elephant
never forgets”?
Turns out, it’s very true.
These men must have been repeat offenders,
because an elephant spotted them, and killed
one of the men.
Then, the elephant dragged his body to the
road so that the humans could recover him,
but his friends were already running away.
The next morning, the poacher’s friends
told the dead man’s family what had happened.
The family contacted the park staff in an
attempt to get the man’s body back, but
it turns out the elephant wasn’t the only
one who wanted a piece of the poacher.
A pride of lions devoured his remains, only
leaving behind his skull and his trousers.
1.
Eyes on the Road, Buddy
We already know how dangerous it is to text
and drive, and yet so many people still do
it anyway.
According to the National Safety Council of
the United States, cellphones cause 1.6 million
car crashes every single year.
But this next story takes distracted driving
to a whole other level.
In 2016, one man from Detroit, Michigan was
watching an adult film on his cellphone and
driving at the same time.
There is a time and a place for everything.
Clearly, driving is not the time to be watching
any movie, let alone one so distracting.
Clearly, he must not have thought this through,
because he crashed while trying to merge on
the ramp of I-75.
The car began to roll, and the man was partially
ejected out of his sunroof.
When the police found him, he wasn’t wearing
any pants.
