*intro music*
Matt: What's up everybody (Ryan: Welcome to Let's Players anonymous.)
Matt: Uh. Ryan. It's not call- ugh!
Ryan: Welcome everybody, this is soccer physics. It's a game that you've most likely have seen other people play but have not seen us play.
Ryan: There's no way you've seen us play this game before.
Matt: There is absolutely - (Ryan: Zero percent chance) - zero way you have seen us play this game.
Ryan: Yeah, yeah. Unless you're in our house behind us. (Matt: I... I don't know) But I hope it's unlikely.
Matt: I don't know. There's a gate and everything we... we uh across from a park. Ryan: We did put up the child proof gate so none of you can get in.
*air horn noises*
Ryan: Okay. So, two players obviously. (Matt: Aaalrighty) So what are my buttons again?
Matt: Uh I'm W and you're the (Ryan: oh I'm just up) alright.
Matt: Okay so I'm W and Ryan is the up arrow. So I'm red, you're blue.
Ryan: Here we go. (Matt: First to five wins, here we go.) Well I have a black guy on my team, so.
Matt: Aw Jesus Christ. (Ryan: Shit!)
Matt: It's all okay, it's all black guys now. Ryan: Diversity is on both of our sides this time.
Matt: Ohp... oh my god, dammit
Matt: Alright, huge goals. Here we go. (Ryan: Ohp!) I've got some huge goals. Really my other team..
Ryan: YES!!! (Matt: F*ck!) I just have to sit back here and watch you score. *moaning noise*
Matt: Ooph... ooph!?
Ryan: Suck on that! (Matt: Oh my god!) Suck on these nuts. Gothee!!!
Matt: Ok Ryan, enough with the Vine humor. Ok? I can only handle so much in one day.
Ryan: It's all I have.
Ryan: NO!!! F*ck.
Matt: Oooh! Son, you just got - you just got soccered!
*air horn noises*
Matt: repeatedly saying "oh" like a seal.
Matt: Oh dammit dammit! (Ryan: yes yes oh! *cough*)
Matt: No god dammit! (Ryan: Yes! I'm just not doing sh*t over here I'm just watching this masterpiece.) Matt: Small goals.
Matt: UH pah!
Matt: Small goals. (Ryan: F*ck you! F*ck you! F*ck you!) *Matt returns back in to a seal momentarily*
Matt: Okay, let's see, let's see let's see. BOOF
Ryan: Oh my god! (Matt: I'm, I'm going to bring this to an even tie.) Angry Ryan: F*ck off!
Matt: Oh. (Ryan: Yes!!!) No. No. No. No. What even!
Ryan: Looks like I won that round. (Matt: Ok good job Ryan. But) Ryan: You little b*tch. (Matt: Let's take it to the rematch)
Ryan: Little b*tch. Little b*tch. (Matt: Ryan) Little b*tch. (Alright stop!) Is it reminding you of home too much? (YES!)
Matt: Love you dad (*Ryan laughs* He doesn't love you)
Matt: Alright that was a little too uh. (Ryan: That is actually true your dad doesn't love you, right?)
Matt *getting annoyed* Yes Ryan, my dad doesn't love me. (Ryan: No, no, no. It's not. It's this weird dynamic where your dad happens to just not love you.)
Ryan: It's not like he hates you, it's not like he's just a bad dad. He just didn't have that connection with you or something.
Matt: Ryan this is just... eh... not the time to talk about this. (Ryan: Eh just f*ck you.)
Matt: And now I'm going to get this in your goal. (Ryan: F*ck off! Scissor me timbers, dude.)
Matt: Oh my god. Are you f*cking kidding me!? (*Ryan giggles*) Why? Why like you aren't even doing anything.
Ryan: Nope! As I said I just sit back and watch. Come here. (Matt: Ooph ooph boop! Oh!)
Ryan: Come here. (Matt: F*cking! Oh my god) Here we go! (Son of a b*tch!)
*Ryan laughs* You are so self...you're just self destructive.
Matt: I'm like, I'm like that kid that plays foosball and knocks it into his own goal.
Ryan: No, you're the kid who plays foosball, like, by himself.
Matt: In church youth group, everyone is hanging out and I'm playing foosball by myself.
Ryan: In church youth group I was too busy, uh, loving on the lord.
Matt: Well I was doing some of that too Ryan. (Ryan: Well I love the lord more than you Matt.)
Matt: No, Ryan I love God more! (Ryan: I - no, no, no, you don't love God more. You LOVED God more.)
Ryan: NO, NO, NO, I LOVED God more. I see you trying to trick me.
Matt: No, Ryan I I loved God more than you ever did. And in fact (Ryan: Why are we shirtless and headless?)
Matt: That's what all the kids are into these days.
Matt: Now in fact Ryan I uh. (Ryan: F*ck you.) God loves me more than he loves you, so (F*ck!)
Matt: Actually I think we have a quote from God. Uh, actually, can we pull that up on the screen?
Matt: There it is. It says, uh, "I love Matt more." - God
Ryan: On his official Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram. As you can see here.
Matt: Ah, that's nice. That's nice. Thanks God.
*Ryan screams F*ck*
*Matt claps*
Matt: Oh look who's winning! *Monkey calls* (Ryan whines)
Matt: Oh god dammit Ryan!
Ryan: Well that was. Wait what's going on? (Matt: No heads.)
Matt: Okay, okay, okay, okay.
Matt: Ok how are we playing soccer with no heads? I don't understand.
Ryan: The head is... uh...
Matt: For these levels they should have just made the ball be the head. (Ryan: F*ck! F*ck)
Ryan: There's no way!
Matt: Red wins, Ryan. Sorry there's no uh. (Ryan: This is the tie breaker.)
Matt: Alright (Both: This is the tie breaker) Ryan: Winner wins all!
Matt: Alright. Let's do it. Let's do it. Ready? (*Ryan mumbles something*)
Matt: First to five wins. Here we go baby.
Ryan: F*cking!
Matt: Wow that was... alright here we go. Ooph!
Matt: Oh sh*it!
*Ryan cheers* Yeeess! *Matt start's fuming*  Aw that was an incredible goal!
Matt: Small goals like Ryan's... like Ryan's life and aspirations.
Ryan: To work with you, yeah.
Matt: Ryan?
Ryan: Dude get that ball! (Matt: I'm gonna let it come back. It's gonna come back. It's coming back and I'm gonna!
Ryan: Give us the ball dude. (Matt: What the f*ck?!) Give us the ball , dude *laughing*
Ryan: Woo! (Matt: You doing a hand stand on top of the goal.)
Matt: American. (Ryan: Is something whining in the background?) Yeah it's the, it's the stupid dog.
Ryan: You know that's my dog. (Matt: Oh that's your dog? I'm sorry.) Probably because he misses daddy. (Aww)
Matt: I miss daddy too. (Ryan: F*ck you!) To be honest I, I - oh my god.
Matt: Slippery? (Ryan: Oh it's snowing? NO!! F*ck!)
*Matt Claps and laughs*
Matt: Small goals plus American. Woo
Matt: Ooph aw sh*t. Wow. Slippery plus American. These sound like porn categories.
Matt: Alright here we go.
Matt: Here we go. Here we go. (Ryan: God dammit!)
Matt: Looks like we know who's gonna win this one, Ryan! (Ryan: God I'm sliding away from it. Sliding doesn't. What?)
Ryan: Is this moon, like, gravity mode?
Matt: Ryan this could be the one that ends the whole game and I win.
Matt: I, I could've hit it right then and it probably would've won but I was too busy talking myself up.
Matt: Aw what?
*More of Matt's Monkey Cheering*
*Both "Oh my god! Oh my god!"*
Ryan: Okay you win. You win this one.
Matt: Okay I win this one. (Ryan: Funny boy.)
Matt: Alright guys so that was soccer physics. Very fun ah little game.
You can go play it online so go search it on Google play and have a good time.
Ryan: Yeah just go to uh www.
Ryan: Sorry, sorry. http uh uh : // www. uh
*outro music*
