- No!
I'm getting fucking attacked
by a swarm of spirits!
(energetic rock music)
(air whooshes)
(liquid pours)
- Hi, my name's
Duncan Trussell.
You should be careful when
you take Penis Envy mushrooms,
especially if we have
the same mushroom dealer.
(descending slide whistle)
This is 2011.
I was with someone I'd been
seeing for a short time,
and she had never
taken mushrooms.
(leisurely country music)
So I'm like,
"Let's drive up to the
desert, we'll take mushrooms.
"Don't worry, I'll
be your guide."
You know, I'm sure
the ride up there,
I was giving her some awful
(air whooshes)
psychedelic Jesus-style
(punches land)
ear beating about
(poof)
what mushrooms are,
(gulp)
and what she can expect,
and the healing that
would come her way, and.
These mushrooms I had
obtained from a drug dealer.
He told me the name
of the mushrooms was
(twinkling chimes)
Penis Envy, and I remember
hating that.
(squish)
You don't wanna
tell the date, like,
"Yeah, these are
Penis Envy mushrooms,"
like, "These mushrooms
are named after
"the Freudian hang-up where
women wish they had dicks."
This drug dealer had warned me,
"Don't fuck around with these."
(squish)
These were a spore print
from Terence McKenna
and Dennis McKenna's
(serene harp music with choir)
private collection.
(ricochet)
Terence McKenna
and Dennis McKenna
are essentially gods
in the psychedelic community.
And I just didn't believe him.
(zap)
We got to this spa.
It was this cool collision
of New Age healers,
(energetic dance music)
and one of them had told me
(drips)
the place was
an energy vortex,
which means, I guess,
you only need to take,
like, half the dose
of the drug that you're
gonna take there.
We get there, and I
take the mushrooms,
my date takes the mushrooms,
and within 10 minutes,
something starts
happening that has never
happened to me
before on mushrooms.
(psychedelic droning music)
I'm looking down at my hands
on the bed, and my fingers
(stretching balloon squeaks)
are spaghettifying.
Like, you've probably
heard of what happens
(twisting)
if you go into a black hole.
This was happening
to my fingers.
My date is like, "When am
I gonna start feelin' it?"
And I'm like, "I don't know."
We walk out of the hotel room,
and I hear a voice in my head.
And the voice in my head says,
(distorted) "We are the eternal
guardians of the universe,
"and we are going to do
deep work on you today."
"Can we do deep work
on me another day?
"'Cause I was hoping
for just more of, like,
"a kind of, you know,
fun, laugh trip,
"not deep work,
voices in your head."
I told my date, I'm
like, "I'm just gonna
"go lay down for a second."
And I was laying
on this lawn chair.
The sun is setting.
(sizzle)
What I'm about to say
sounds like something
someone who's
never taken a
psychedelic would say.
(air whooshes)
It's like the kinda thing
(officer kicks door open)
when the cop came
(aggressive metal music)
to your school and was like,
"If you take acid,
you're gonna see dragons,
"Bigfoot is gonna be holding
your mom's head in one hand
"and her tits in the other, and
he's gonna shake 'em at you!
"And that's what drugs do!"
No, this happened.
I'm looking at this
now-alien landscape,
hyper-dimensional colors,
everything is melting,
and standing on a tree branch
(cymbal shimmer)
is a gnome.
It's like my subconscious
was just being fuckin' lazy,
and is like, "Okay, let's just
"show him a fuckin' yard gnome."
Or, because I was
on mushrooms, and it
(fart)
expanded my third eye,
(squishing)
I was literally
seeing a gnome, and
whoever made yard gnomes
was just being hyper-realistic,
'cause that's how they
fuckin' like to dress.
I don't know!
(gnome laughs)
Suddenly, it realizes
(shocked whimper)
I can see it.
It looks at me in the
same way like when you're
at a restaurant and
you see a celebrity,
and they catch you
looking at 'em,
and they're just
sort of annoyed,
like, "Ugh, another
fuckin' high asshole
"at the spa,
(splashes)
"watchin' me watch
the fuckin' sunset."
You know, I've been
rejected so many times.
I've eaten hot bowls
of shit onstage.
But to be rejected
by a fuckin' gnome?
That hurts.
And I'm trying to
deal with the fact
that I'm seeing a gnome.
You know, if you do see
(camera flash clicks)
Bigfoot, you're fucked,
'cause for the
rest of your life,
you're someone who saw Bigfoot.
Which means that when
you run into somebody,
and if they bring up
Bigfoot, you either have to
be a coward--
- Shh!
(air whooshes)
- Or tell 'em what happened,
which means for the
rest of your life,
they're gonna think
you're absolutely insane.
'Cause you really, if
you run into people
who've encountered
Bigfoot, a piece of you
is like, "Okay, man, okay.
"Oh, yeah, no, no, I'm
sure there's a completely
"undiscovered primate in
the Pacific Northwest."
Similarly, when you see a gnome,
you're realizing, for
the rest of your life,
you're gonna have to be
the asshole at the party
who's like, "You know
gnomes are real, man?
"And you can see 'em
when you're on mushrooms,
"the Penis Envy, have
you heard of 'em?"
So my brain is working
through all of this
(fart)
when I feel something
(bell dings)
jump into my mind,
(electrical pulses)
and I realize that there's
some kind of entities
swimming through me.
Meanwhile, by the way, my date,
she's next to a tree having
the best trip of all time!
She's laughing, I
can hear her saying,
"It's so beautiful, the
world is just so beautiful!"
I'm like, "Just, no!
"I'm getting fucking attacked
by a swarm of spirits!"
But I start praying in my head,
(echoes) "Please,
God, protect me,"
and then, suddenly,
(calming New Age music)
there's a sense
of a maternal energy that just
shoos them away and embraces me.
When I opened my eyes again,
I'd started coming down.
And that is pretty
much the last time
I took a substantial
dose of mushrooms.
Listen, kids, here's
the moral of the story.
If you're gonna take
'em with somebody,
ask the person, "What would
you do if I shit my pants?"
(fart)
Don't even ask,
just shit your pants
(fart)
in front of them.
(dramatic music sting)
And if they act weird,
don't take (laughs) mushrooms
with 'em.
(air whooshes)
(Duncan and crew laugh)
Just... (laughing)
Okay, cool, that's--
- [Man] We've got this.
- Great!
- That's it.
- We've got our ending.
- "Tales from the
(distorted) Trip."
(energetic rock music)
