-I was running
a bit behind today.
So, I thought,
if you guys wouldn't mind,
I'd just like to write out
my weekly "thank you" notes
right now.
Is that cool with you?
[ Cheers and applause ]
I appreciate that.
Hey, James, can I get some
"thank you" note-writing music,
please?
[ Soft piano music playing ]
-Wow.
-Yeah.
-He loves grapes.
-Yeah.
[ Laughter ]
-[ Laughing ] What?
Did your pen break?
[ Music stops ]
You need a new pen?
Does it run out of ink?
-I need...
[ Squeaking ]
[ Squelching ]
Pbht!
[ Music restarts ]
"Thank you, Maroon 5,
for performing at this year's
Super Bowl halftime show
and for apparently
naming your band
without ever doing
a head count."
[ Laughter and applause ]
Seven.
"Thank you, Super Bowl logo,
for being my annual reminder
that I have no idea
how to read Roman numerals."
[ Laughter and applause ]
"L"? What is "L"?
-"L", "C", "M"?
-I don't know. I think it's --
it's the 26th Super Bowl?
[ Laughter ]
"Thank you, polar vortex,
for making the weather so cold
that even dogs are like,
'You know what?
I can hold it till spring.
I'm good.
You don't need to take me out.'"
-"I'm good."
-"Thank you, drumsticks,
for being chopsticks
that grew up to be rock stars."
[ Laughter and applause ]
"Thank you, icy sidewalks,
for combining all the fun
of the Slip 'N Slide
with exactly
none of the warning."
Which is just...perfect.
-My hip!
-"Thank you,
photoshoots of newborn babies,
for looking like
someone's pranking
their tiny, drunk roommate."
[ Laughter and applause ]
"He's passed out, dude."
-"Man, give me a marker."
-"Just put a hat on him."
[ Laughter ]
-Is that the last one?
-What's that?
[ Laughter ]
-Was that
the last "thank you" note?
-Yeah. So, this would be the --
-Penultimate one?
-Penultimate one.
So, this the last --
-That's the final one?
-Yes.
-Okay.
-This is the final
"thank you" note.
You know, they call it --
they say the "Martini Shot."
-Sure. The Martini Shot.
-Yeah, the last one.
-The last call?
-The "Last Call
with Carson Daly."
-Yeah.
-They call it that.
-That's what they call it?
-That's what
they call this card.
-They call that card,
the last one, the Martini Shot?
-Yes.
-Who -- Who calls it that?
-Uh, no. No one.
I made that up.
-Oh.
[ Laughter ]
It's your "thank you" note.
You can call it
whatever you want.
Now I know -- the Martini Shot.
-Yeah.
The Martini Shot -- Usually,
like, if you're doing a film,
if you have one last shot...
-Oh, they call it a Martini Shot
so, afterwards,
you have a martini?
-That's correct.
-Oh, I get it now.
Now I understand.
Thank you.
-You -- You understand it now?
-Now I do. I understand.
-You didn't before?
-No, I was totally confused
before,
because you were writing
a "thank you" note.
But when you put
in the sense of a film,
where it's a big,
long production,
sometimes 9 to 10 months
of shooting,
and then,
when it's finally done,
you go, "You know what?
I deserve a martini."
But writing out fake notes
doesn't seem that hard.
[ Laughter ]
I mean, it doesn't seem --
I mean, not that it's not hard.
People are writing them.
I'm not saying that.
-No, no.
-I was a writer at one time,
myself.
But what I'm saying is,
now I understand
the Martini Shot concept,
so thank you
for explaining that to me.
'Cause I love grapes.
You know that.
-Yeah.
[ Laughter ]
-Just not a secret one
you're gonna pull out.
[ Laughter ]
-What sequel?
-Not a secret one,
like, "Oh, fooled you"?
-You close with a Martini Shot,
because, if you are
filming a sequel,
such as, you know,
Anthony Mackie's done
with a lot of his movies...
-Sure.
-He's done sequels.
...at the last shot of that,
they call that
a Martini Shot, as well.
-They call it as well,
or do they call, like,
"Hey, Martini Shot Two"?
Because it's, like,
the second film.
-Yeah. Do you think two
like the number two or T-O-O?
-Yeah, number two.
Or T-O-O.
-Like as well? Like also?
-Yeah, as well. Yeah.
-Yeah.
Like, it's just a funny take
on the word "two," you know?
-I laugh.
You know what I mean?
I'm kind of a wordsmith.
I like making words funny.
[ Laughter ]
Could be "T-U,"
like "you" in Spanish.
You know what I mean?
Martini Shot Tu?
-Ooh.
[ Laughter ]
-You know?
[ Cheers and applause ]
I'm done.
-What's that?
-I'm done.
Go ahead.
-Cool.
-Hope it's a good one.
[ Laughter ]
-It's okay.
It's not...
-All right.
I'm shutting up.
-I can't.
I can't follow it.
Ready?
-Yeah.
-"Thank you, snow angels,
for showing me
what it would look like
if an angel got drunk
and passed out on my lawn."
There you have it, everybody.
Those are my "thank you" notes.
