(Music)
 - Welcome and good evening.
My name is Serge
Permyakoff, 2015 alumnus
  of the NYU Stern
  School of Business
 and Executive Committee
 member of the Alumni Council.
 I'm excited to be
 here with you tonight
  for this exciting program.
 It is my pleasure to introduce
 a member of the Stern family,
 Professor Scott Galloway,
 in conversation here tonight
 with Stephanie Ruhle.
 Professor Galloway is an NYU
 Stern Professor of Marketing,
  and teaches brand strategy
  class in this very room
to MBA students.
 He's also the founder
 of several firms,
 including L2, Red
 Envelope, and Prophet,
 and also has served on the
 boards of companies such as
 Gateway Computer and
 The New York Times.
 Tonight we're here to
 discuss his new book,
 "The Algebra of Happiness."
  (audience cheering
  and applauding)
  The book explores
  some of the topics
  that you might've heard of
 if you were a
 student in his class.
  The topics include
 distilling the formula
 of a life well lived,
 striving for work-life balance
 and a meaningful career,
and how it's so
important to never ever
 be late to his class.
 (audience laughing)
Joining him this evening
is Stephanie Ruhle,
 MSNBC Anchor and NBC
 News Correspondent,
and previously a managing
editor for Bloomberg Television
 and Editor-at-Large
 at Bloomberg News.
 (audience applauding)
 Professor Galloway's book,
 "The Algebra of Happiness,"
  was published by Portfolio
  Penguin last week
  and is sure to be
  a hit with readers
 looking to solve the happiness
 equation for themselves.
  And at this time, allow
  me to turn over the stage
 to Professor Galloway
 and Stephanie Ruhle.
- [Stephanie] Thank you.
 - [Scott] Thank you.
 (audience applauding)
 - [Stephanie] Scott,
 congratulations.
 First of all, do
 you fill this room?
  How many students
  are in your class?
 - No.
  - [Stephanie] You were
  about to be super amazing
 to me.
 - Yeah, yeah.
 "About" is the
 operative term there.
  My class is in 260 so
  it's 120 to 180 students,
 but I've taught 4200 students
so created approximately
$28 million
  in free cash flow for NYU.
 (audience laughing)
 - [Stephanie] There you go.
 All right, let's
 talk about the book.
 Right now there are lots of
 books out about fury, rage,
anger, revenge,
 conspiracy and, in large
 part, we're seeing the divide,
  the anger being
  capitalized upon.
You've gone the reverse.
Even though you're an
outspoken critical guy,
  you decided to write about
  happiness and fulfillment
  at a time when more and
  more people feel neither.
 - So first off,
 thanks for doing this.
- [Stephanie] Thank you.
- Stephanie's very busy
  and did this as a personal
  favor, so thank you.
 So the process or the catalyst
 or the motivation for this
  is I look at my blessings
  and I look at my mood,
  and my sister kind
  of summed it up.
 I speak to my sister
 every Sunday night.
 A couple of years
 ago she said to me,
  she's like, "Just
  hold on a second."
 She's like, "Why are you so
 pissed off all the time?"
 (audience laughing)
 And it kind of, it stilled me.
She said, "You have less
reason or justification
 "to be pissed off
 than anyone I know,
  "and yet you're pissed off
  all the God-damn time."
 And I started thinking about,
 if your blessings are here
 and your general mood
 and demeanor is here,
  that's a problem.
 And so I set about
 thinking about this,
 and then the process for books
is really
straightforward for me.
The second most popular session
in my course is the four,
 when I look at these
 four big platforms,
  and then do a video,
  video got a million views,
 write a book, book did well.
  And then the most
  popular session
 is something I've done
 the last two years,
  and it's the last session
where I try to distill
observations, personal stories,
 and some research down to
 a series of best practices.
 Because, I think most
 of the kids here,
 when I say kids, I mean the
 students, they come here
 thinking they're here to
 establish the domain expertise
 and the currency in
 the professional world
  such that they can
  develop economic security
 for them and their families.
 But I think the real
 reason we're here is,
 we want to figure out a way
 to build meaningful lives.
And the last session is
basically, all right,
 what are best practices and
 worst practices around this,
as someone who thinks about this
  and it's sort of a
  personal journey.
 Did a video, video
 got two million views.
 Book, so here we are.
- [Stephanie] But,
isn't one of the issues
 that happiness sounds simple,
but in fact, it's very abstract?
 - Yep.
- [Stephanie] So, when you
don't have all those blessings,
 it's easy to say I'm not
 happy because I don't have.
So you've got the Cosmo Magazine
checklist, and you can say,
 "Oh, I'm miserable, but I'd be
 happy if I had an apartment,
  "I'd be happy if I
  had a better job,
  "I'd be happy if I got
  married, if I had a baby."
- Yeah.
 - [Stephanie] When you
 talk about blessings,
 when you can line up all those
 blessings and you have them,
 and yet you're still sad,
 you're desperately more sad,
  because those two
  don't even out.
- Yeah.
 And, to be clear, the
 title's a bit of a misnomer
  and misleading, because--
  - [Stephanie] That
  was a good idea.
 - Yeah, right?
 A bad title.
 Thank you for that.
 We're close, but
 we're not that close.
 Anyways,
 (audience laughing)
the algebra, there is no
equation for happiness.
 There's best practices
 and worst practices,
 but there is no one formula.
 - [Stephanie] Okay.
 So, right there, when
 your sister says,
 "How can you have all these
 blessings and be angry,"
 well, the two are connected.
 - Well, so,
 there are, but there are what
 I would call best practices.
 And also, happiness is
 probably the incorrect word,
  because happiness
  is a sensation.
 You can get happiness from
 Netflix, Chipotle or Cialis.
 That will bring you
 short-term happiness.
  What we're really
  talking about here
 is where you make
 investments across your life,
 and the decisions you make,
 and the kind of
 personal code you have
such that you can develop an
arc or you can develop a plane,
 where the highs and lows of
 life which happen to all of us
  are just swinging
  on a higher plane.
  And I think there are a
  series of best practices,
and a lot of research to
show that best practice.
 So you talked about when
 something bad happens to you.
Martin Seligman just
published some research,
  and I don't know
  if anyone as this,
  but it really kind
  of stilled me.
 One year out from
 winning the lottery,
 people are no more
 happier or less happy.
  You know all those
  articles that say,
 "Oh, everyone's
 depressed and suicidal
 "after they won the lottery."
That's not true, but
they're not any happier.
They usually, on
average, regress
 to about where they were
 before they won the lottery.
That's interesting, but
what's fascinating is
that the same is true of people
 who have been in an
 accident and are paralyzed.
  A year post the accident,
 they are actually no
 less or more happy
than they were previous
to the accident,
 and that is, our brains, when
 they recognize a pattern,
 adapt to it and regress to a
 certain level of happiness.
 And so, the one thing, though,
 that tends to create
 variance in your life,
 and I think a decent
 analysis is fitness.
 So, everybody's talking about
 functional fitness right now,
 and one of the keys to fitness
 is shocking and
 surprising the body,
 and that's doing
 something different.
'cause if you do the ame
things over and over,
 your body adapts to it and
 just moves to the same level
of strength or fitness.
 And the only thing
 that's unpredictable
and can create a higher
plane consistently
 over the course of your life
  is investing and in
  forming new relationships,
'cause people are unpredictable.
 And they will surprise
 and disappoint you,
  but that is the equivalent
  of varied fitness
that takes you to a higher plane
is, in fact, relationships.
 - [Stephanie] Then I
 guess you shouldn't be
 a marriage counselor.
 - Yeah, no.
 Number two.
 (Stephanie, audience laughing)
 My dad's had four, but we
 think this one's gonna stick.
- [Stephanie] But is
that one of the issues,
 the way we look at happiness,
  or even the idea
  of being in love?
  Those are not sustainable
  beings, right?
It's more like adrenaline
rushes, or being drunk, or high.
 - You say that like
 it's a bad thing.
 (audience laughing)
 - Well, there's a lot
 there, so let me--
  - [Stephanie] You don't
  expect to be drunk or high
 or high on adrenaline
 all the time.
 You know going in it's a rush
 and it's gonna be over
 in a little while.
  But we enter into
  our life phases
 assuming this
 feeling of happiness,
  yeah, it should
  exist forevermore.
 - It should sustain.
 - [Stephanie] And then
 you can connect that
 to how people feel about
 their jobs, their marriage,
 parenthood.
- So, let's talk about marriages
and relationships and work,
and I'll just ease into
some of the equations.
 I ask the kids in the class,
  what is the most important
  decision they'll make
 in terms of their happiness
 over the course of their life.
And, because it's in the context
of a business school class,
they go, "What industry
you'll go into,"
 and someone else goes,
 "No, the arc of the
 industry you're going into,
 "is it in decline or ascent."
Is it your job position,
where you'll live?
  Someone goes "Cell phone,"
  it's like, where you live
  or being near your family.
 The most important
 decision you'll make
is who you partner with
the rest of your life,
  specifically your spouse,
  specifically who you
  decide to have kids with.
And there are three components,
 if you look at most
 of the research,
  that sustain a productive,
  long-term relationship.
 The first is physical
 attraction, sex and affection,
  identify your
  relationship as singular,
and say, "I choose you."
 The second is values.
 How close are you gonna
 live to his or her parents?
What's the role of
religion in your lives?
 What role does politics play?
Where do you expect to
live over the long-term?
 And then, the third is one
 that people don't talk about
because it's crass,
especially young people,
 when they're thinking
 about committing
 to this important partnership,
  and that is money,
 and specifically your
 approach to money,
  what economic weight
  class you expect to be in,
 who's responsible for
 that weight class,
and what is each of your
approach to spending.
People think the number
one source of divorce
 is some sort of value shift
 or infidelity, it's not.
It's agita and
disagreement over money.
 So you need to have
 these very open
and honest conversations
upfront because,
 quite frankly, the thing that
 can take you off track most
 in your 20s and 30s, everyone
 in this room may not feel it,
 but you're already
 kind of in the top 10%
 economically relative to the
 majority of the population.
The majority of you are healthy,
the majority of you
have more opportunities
  than 99% of the
  global population.
  The thing that can
  really take you off track
 economically and emotionally
 in your 20s and 30s,
 people say, "Oh, a sickness."
The reality is, most
sickness is of the aged.
Very few people in their
20s and 30s get sick.
 What could really
 take you off-course
in your 20s and 30s
and 40s, quite frankly,
is making a bad decision
around a partner,
 and that is divorce.
Divorce is economically ruinous,
it sets people back
emotionally and psychologically
 several years.
 So this upfront analysis of
 who you're gonna partner with
 is really important.
At the same time, "Well, Scott,
 "you're saying 'be so choosy,'
 "what if you don't end
 up with a partner?"
It's also important we
talk investing and that,
 if you want outsized returns,
you have to take outsize risks.
 I think the same is
 true in relationships.
 You have to take outsize risks
to punch above your weight class
 and find someone more
 interesting than you.
 Everybody wants to punch up.
 Evolutionary desire is that I
 want to marry someone smarter,
stronger, faster,
nicer, better character.
  That is a healthy part
  of evolutionary progress,
 and the way you get
 there is no different
  than a hedge fund manager.
 If you want to punch
 into a higher weight class
 than you deserve economically,
 professionally, or
 with relationships,
 you have to be willing
 to take a risk.
That means going up to strangers
and introducing yourself,
 pushing yourself to be
 in social situations,
 asking people out for coffee.
 Nothing wonderful with
 ever happen to you,
I mean really wonderful,
 without taking an
 uncomfortable risk.
 It's the same as
 managing a hedge fund.
  I got a little bit
  off track there.
 - [Stephanie] But, no,
 you're saying
  "Take an outsize risk and
  put yourself out there,"
 but at the same time,
 you need to be brutally
 honest when choosing a partner
 so you can figure out
 if you're compatible.
- Yeah.
 - [Stephanie] Isn't
 it hard to do both?
Because, if you're
taking an outsize risk,
 chances are, you're
 kind of bullshitting.
 - Yeah, but when I say
 take an outsize risk,
 I mean, put yourself in
 front of more opportunities.
 If you find somebody
 who's with somebody
  who is just in a
  different weight class in
character, looks,
success, and you think,
  "How did that happen," one
  of two things happened.
  Either one person is much
  richer than the other,
  or, two, that other person
  is willing to take risks
  and was willing to
  endure rejection.
One of the keys,
  and this is another I
  think critical algorithm.
 Your success is a function of
 your resilience over failure,
  full stop.
 - [Stephanie] Say that again?
 - Your success, your
 level of success,
is a function of your
perseverance over your failure.
 I've had marriages fail, I've
 had businesses go bankrupt.
 Everybody in this room
 will know failure.
 Everybody will lose
 somebody they love.
Everybody knows tragedy.
 Your ability to mourn and to
 move on is key to success.
  I am three, four, and two.
 I've started nine businesses,
 I am generously
 three, four, and two,
 which means I've had
 four businesses fail
 and two just go mad.
 If you don't take advantage
  of the greatest experiment
  in the history of mankind,
 and that is the US economy,
 people say we embrace failure,
that's bullshit.
  We don't embrace failure,
  but we tolerate it.
 If I lived in Europe
 or I lived in China,
I would not be here,
because those economies
 do not tolerate
 failure the way we do.
  - [Stephanie] What
  does that mean,
  "Take advantage of
  the US economy,"
  because when you say that
  to a room of bright-eyed
young people like this, I think
on one hand they feel inspired,
and on the other hand,
 they feel stressed by it,
 and then they walk out going,
 "Am I taking advantage of it?
  "Yeah, I'm paying NYU tens
  of thousands of dollars
  "for the rest of my life."
  - You can be more
  risk aggressive
 around starting
 your own businesses,
around putting yourself in
situations to meet other people,
 around going on social media.
 We tolerate risk and failure
 better than any
 society in the world.
The other thing is
going back to education,
  another algorithm.
 Give me someone's
 credentials and your zip code
 and I can tell you how much
 money you're gonna make.
 Someone who went to Dartmouth
 and it living in New York
is gonna be making at least
$150,000 by the time they're 30.
 Someone who dropped
 out of high school
 and is living in Little Rock
 will be lucky if
 they're making 50,000.
  Credentials and zip code.
 We live in a caste
 society in America.
  We don't like to think
  we're in a caste society,
we are 100% in a caste society,
and the new determinants
of that caste
are higher education
universities, full stop.
 This used to be the
 lubricant of upward mobility.
  We've now thrown
  sand in the gears,
  because people like myself
  have become drunk
  with exclusivity
 and no longer think
 we're public servants,
 we think we're luxury brands.
  And we brag about how
  hard it is to get in here,
  we brag that we reject 90%
  of the people who apply.
 That's like a housing shelter
 taking pride in the fact
they take 90% of the
people who need housing
  and shoo them off.
 The unremarkables...
 I'm going way off track here.
  The unremarkables
no longer have
access to incredibly
remarkable opportunity,
  and it's called
  higher education.
  Your zip code and
  your credentials.
So, even despite the cost here,
 even at a place like NYU,
 despite the incredible cost,
 college is still a
 really good plan B.
 I get people who come up to
 me at conferences all the time
 and say, "My kid's thinking
 of dropping out of school,"
"she's really into programming."
 And they say, "Maybe she'll
 be the next Mark Zuckerberg."
 I'm like, assume your child
 is not Mark Zuckerberg.
 (audience laughing)
  And what we have done as
  drunken pigs at the trough
in academia is,
 we have starched a lot of the
 return out with higher fees,
but the return is still
dramatically positive.
 Get to a city.
 Credentials.
 College isn't for everyone,
so get an aesthetician license,
 a Class III driver's
 license, a guild,
 union, whatever it
 might be, union card.
 The second thing is zip code.
  2/3 of the economic growth
  over the next 30 years
 is gonna be in 20 supercities
 around the nation,
  and most of you could
  probably name 18 of them.
You want to get to a
city while you're young,
'cause once you start
collecting dogs and kids
 it gets very hard
 to stay in the city.
 - [Stephanie] I'm
 gonna interrupt you.
  - Please.
- [Stephanie] But if this is
about the algebra of happiness,
 why is that the
 formula for happiness?
  Because, to move
  to New York City,
to go to Dartmouth and walk out
of Dartmouth in student debt
and move to New York City
making 150 grand, I don't know,
 that's kind of like standing
 outside the world's
 most fun party.
And if you were making 50 grand
 and were not saddled
 with student debt,
and living in Boulder, Colorado,
 I don't know, one could say--
 - That's a good rap.
  - [Stephanie] A
  whole lot happier.
Because what I first established
 was like the epicenter
 of living a fear
of missing out in life.
 - Great point.
 So the first is, let's
 talk about the relationship
 between money and happiness.
 When I query my kids
 how much money they
 expect to be making,
 and I have a selection bias,
 I want to first
 acknowledge your point
  that the path to happiness
 doesn't involve necessarily
 making a shit-ton of money.
 There are a lot of people
 who don't make a lot of money
  at a young age, decide
  that's not their priority,
they adjust their lifestyle,
and they live very happy lives.
 That is not the
 cohort I'm teaching.
 (audience laughing)
  The cohort I am
  teaching, when I ask them
  how much money they expect
  to be making in 10 years,
 not only do most of 'em think
 they're gonna be in the top
 10%, 90-plus percent of them
 think they're gonna
 be in the top 1%.
 So the first thing is, if you
 expect to be in the top 10
 or 1%, here's a myth, it's
 called the myth of balance.
 Expect to have no
 balance in your life.
 We all know somebody who's
 good looking, in great shape,
  great relationship, gets
  along with their parents,
  donates time at the ASPCA
  and has a food blog.
 Again, assume you
 are not that person.
  If you expect to be
  professionally successful
 and in that weight
 class economically,
 assume that you're gonna
 spend most of your 20s and 30s
  working and not much else.
  I'm not here with
  a message of hope.
 Secondly, the relationship...
 Hold on, let me
 finish your question.
 The relationship...
Before you punch holes in
everything I've been living for,
 (audience laughing)
 that the relationship
 between money and happiness.
There is a relationship.
  Middle class people are
  happier than poor people,
and affluent people are happier
than middle class people.
 But here's the
 thing, it tops out.
  It tops out once
  you get to a point
 where you can afford a
 nice house, good education,
  you can absorb an
  economic shock,
  you're not worried
  about healthcare.
 Supposedly, in most
 cities in America,
 that's between 90
 and $150,000 a year.
  In Manhattan, I think it's
  about $750,000 a year.
 But this is the thing
 you have to realize,
  is that, once you
  get to that point
  of some level of
  economic security,
I think you need to realize
that money is a wonderful thing.
  Bust a move to
  economic security.
We live in a capitalist
society, it is really important.
But, once you get to that point,
 realize that money is
 the ink in your pen.
 It can make your
 stories burn brighter,
it can write different chapters,
but it is not your story.
 If you keep imagining
 more and more money
  will make you
  exponentially more happy,
 you're gonna be disappointed.
 So, get to that point, but
 then realize it flat-lines.
  I'm sorry, Steph.
 - [Stephanie] You're
 telling young people,
 "Take these massive risks."
 On some level, is it--
 - With relationships, not
 necessarily professionally.
 - [Stephanie] But
 even professionally,
  we're giving this advice,
  "Put yourself out there,"
and are we doing it at the risk
of people not
respecting what it means
 to just grind it out anymore.
So, let me give you an example.
When you were in your
20s and I was in my 20s,
 we would just grind.
  That's all we did.
We weren't asking "How do I
feel about working for the man,
  "am I unleashing my animal
  entrepreneurial spirit,"
 we were just grinding
 it out and working.
  And, to the point that you
  said just a moment ago,
 "Should my daughter
 leave school,
 "maybe she's the next
 Mark Zuckerberg."
When you leave here, four
people are gonna come up to you
 and say, "I'm really
 looking for a mentor,
 "because I read a book
"and I heard mentorship
is where it's at."
 - Yeah, answer's no.
 (audience laughing)
 - [Stephanie] Okay,
 so, right there.
  But that's it right there.
So I want you to help
drill down a little bit
 so people understand when you
 say "Take an outsize risk."
sometimes that gets misconstrued
for people who are saying,
  "I shouldn't be here just
  working, I'm a thinker,"
and they're doing it
before they're grinding
all of those hours that you need
to create that stable
network to the point of,
I mean, yes, maybe Scott
will be your mentor,
 or maybe you're
 gonna win Powerball,
 but wouldn't it be
 better to just work?
 - So, let me be clear.
 Taking outsize risks in terms
 of introducing yourself,
being open to new relationships
 I think that's where you
 want to be risk aggressive.
  Let me talk about
  entrepreneurship
 and let me talk about
 the work in your 20s.
 You and I both started
 in investment banking.
You were on the trading side, I,
 only real job I had,
 was at Morgan Stanley.
  The worst advice you will
  ever hear in this chair,
and you will hear it every week
during your entire business
school career is the following.
 We invite two types of
 people to universities
 to speak, or business schools.
Super interesting and successful
people, or billionaires.
  For some reason, we've
  decided that billionaires
 just have insight around life,
  and they oftentimes
  finish their conversation
  with what I think is some
  of the worst advice given
to young people.
  Does anyone wanna
  guess what it is?
 - [Students] Follow
 your passion.
 - Follow your passion.
 What utter bullshit.
 (audience laughing)
If someone tells you
to follow your passion,
 it means they're already rich.
And typically, the guy on stage
 telling you to
 follow your passion
 made his billions
 in iron or smelting.
 (audience laughing)
  This is your job.
  Your job is to find
  something you're good at,
  and then spend the
  thousands of hours
 and apply the grit
 and the perseverance,
 and the sacrifice,
 and the willingness
 to break through hard things
 to become great at it.
 Because, once you're
 great at something,
  the economic accoutrements
 are being great at something,
the prestige, the relevance,
the camaraderie, the self-worth
of being great will make
you passionate about
whatever it is.
 No one grows up thinking "I'm
 passionate about tax law,"
  but the best tax lawyers
  in this nation fly private
and have a much broader
selection of mates
  than they deserve.
 (audience laughing)
 Then they get to do
 interesting things,
 which, by the way, makes them
 passionate about tax law.
 And here's the
 problem with believing
you should follow your passion.
 Work is hard, and when
 you run into obstacles
and you face injustice,
which is a common,
  guaranteed attribute of
  the workplace, injustice,
 you'll start thinking,
 "I'm not loving this.
 "This is upsetting and hard.
 "It must not be my passion."
  That is not the
  right litmus test.
 Do your passions on weekends.
Be a DJ.
  Jay-Z followed his passion
  and is a billionaire.
Again, assume you are not Jay-Z.
 Back to you.
 (audience laughing)
  - [Stephanie] You
  mentioned balance before.
Should we stop talking about it,
 especially in rooms like this?
 And when we're talking about
 career and life success,
chances are, the people
who are in this room
never had balance to begin with.
 If you're an overachiever,
 you never got an A on a test
  or became student council
  president and was like,
 "Whew, I'm all set,
 now I can just chill."
  immediately, those
  people are going,
 "What's next, what's next,"
 because the people you're
 talking about in large part
are success monsters
and adrenaline addicts.
So, is the idea to seek balance
a mistake in and of itself?
 Because the idea of balance,
none of those people ever
wanted to be balanced in a race,
 they wanted to win it.
 - Yeah, yeah.
So there are some high achievers
 that are just
 always on the wheel
 and always maniacally focused
 on success their whole lives.
 I think most of us do, at
 some point, want some balance.
 And the conversation
I just think people need
to have with yourself
is just an open and
honest one, and that is,
 I have a lot of balance now.
I have a lot of balance.
 I'm not a workaholic.
  Anyone here who works with
  me will attest, "Yeah,
  "we do all this shit and
  he just takes the credit,"
but I have a lot of balance now
because I didn't have
much when I was younger.
  There's just no
  getting around it.
 To obtain a certain
 level of success,
 I think you're gonna
 have to sacrifice
 for at least a couple decades.
 But I do think, at some point
  I think it depends on what
  kind of person you are,
 but my sense is, at least
 following your Instagram feed,
 it seems like you
 have a lot of balance,
you're very good at it.
- [Stephanie] At a cost, though.
  - It does come at a cost.
- [Stephanie] If you think about
any sort of traditional
jobs and success,
 when work was
 created, or business,
 it was this assumption
 that the executive,
 their only job in the
 world was to work.
 And there was an idea that,
  and they didn't
  necessarily talk about it,
 that there was another person,
 i.e. a wife who ran
 everything else in their life.
They weren't responsible
for anything.
  So, now that we
  are more evolved,
  when you're with your
  sons, you don't say to me,
  "Steph, I'm babysitting,"
 you say "I'm taking
 care of my children."
 Now that we have
 become more involved
  and we're seeking balance,
does that work in any
sort of traditional work
 or life environments?
 - The answers, I don't know.
 - [Stephanie] But how
 do we evaluate it?
 - Look, I think you
 have to decide...
So, let me go back to happiness.
  In general, people
  who are happiest
are typically in monogamous
relationships and have families,
 and that requires a
 certain level of sacrifice,
  and it requires a certain
  level of forgiveness.
  By the way, one of
  the key components
to any long-term relationship--
  - [Stephanie] I want you
  to say that one more time.
 - Which part?
  - [Stephanie] Here's why.
 (audience laughing)
 No, but I think it's so
 important, because the idea,
 people often think
 about happiness as
 this nirvana, right?
  You're monogamous, right?
And so, I'm monogamous,
 which means I must be
 madly in love, right?
 I have a family, which means
 my kids must be wonderful.
  But you just said,
  be monogamous,
 you have to sacrifice,
 there's some level of balance,
 there's some level of sorrow.
Those are words
  that people don't normally
  assimilate with happiness,
so I think it's really important
for you to say it again.
- I'm quoting research,
 and I don't want to be
 too judgmental here.
 I'm just saying that, in
 general, the happiest cohorts,
  these are best practices,
tend to be in
monogamous relationships
 where they have built
 a sense of support.
 A lot of people would argue
 that the baby boomers,
most people see marriage
as a commitment,
 the baby boom
 generation came along
 and saw marriage as an
 enhancement, and the moment
 it stopped becoming an
 enhancement to their lives,
  divorce rates skyrocketed.
Family is just kind of
critical to everything.
I mean, there's very few
people, especially among males.
Life expectancy goes
down seven to nine years
when you are not living
with other people
 when you're a male,
 because, again,
 the key to anything is, are
 you helping the species.
  And the brain has
  an unbelievable
 low-resolution security camera
 trying to decide if you're
 adding value to the species.
So, when you exercise,
you're fooling the brain
into thinking that
you're building housing
or hunting prey,
 and it decides to keep you
 around a little bit longer.
 When you are really
 engaged in work
 or doing a crossword
 puzzle, the brain,
the low-security camera,
is fooled into believing
 that you're making important
 decisions for the clan,
 or the tribe, or the group,
 and it decides to
 let you stick around.
  The most important
  thing, hands down,
 the most important act that
 literally releases a hormone
 that clears out the
 bad cholesterol is,
 in a word, caregiving.
 Caregivers, new
 mothers do not die.
The moment your parents
move in with you,
 your life expectancy
 goes up two years.
People who are--
 - [Stephanie] Your
 misery goes up 20%.
 - Yeah.
 (audience laughing)
 100%.
 - [Stephanie] Now you
 have to live longer,
and it's worse.
- That's right.
 But it's awful, kill me now.
 It makes sense, right?
This is the bottom line.
 The universe wants to prosper.
The universe chooses prosperity
and evolutionary progress.
 So, what does it do?
 It creates a series
 of incentives
 around what makes
 the universe prosper.
  So, food.
 Food is fun.
 We need that.
 Sex is fun.
 The species needs that, right?
 Ultimately, the
 most important thing
to the wellbeing of the species
 comes down to having
 an irrational passion
 for someone else's wellbeing.
 If we woke up tomorrow
 and decided we didn't,
  weren't infinitely in love
  with these little things
 called children, no one
 would put up with that shit.
No one.
 You'd literally have
 the end of the species
in about 20 to 40 years.
 So, the universe
 chooses prosperity,
 so that people who go all-in,
  I mean really go
  all-in and decide
 that they're gonna find
 relationships in their life
where they care for that
person irrationally,
 they don't keep score,
they're going all-in on
that person's wellbeing,
 those people are rewarded
 with a level of contentment,
a level of satisfaction,
a notion and a knowledge
 that their blink is still a
 blink in the cosmic universe,
but their blink matters.
 The happiest people
 have a preponderance
 and they over-index
 not on transactional
 relationships.
A lot of people are in marriages
 where you've split up the
 household like a corporation
and you're all managing
different parts,
it's not even kids where
there's an instinctive,
 but they decided that they're
 gonna create a group of people
 where they go all
 in, don't keep score,
and become
irrationally passionate
 about other people's beings.
 The matriarch and the
 patriarch of elephant herds
and mammals are typically chosen
 by whoever demonstrates care,
 affection, and protection
 for someone else's children,
  because they're
  seen as stronger.
 The universe wants to prosper.
  And I know this
  sounds very Oprah,
but the people who consistently
over-index in happiness
 are the ones that have
 one thing in common.
 They have taken an
 irrational interest
in the wellbeing of other people
 regardless of what
 they're getting back
in terms of what we think of as
 traditional return on
 investment in relationships.
 - [Stephanie] In terms
 of prosperity, then,
 if that's what we want
 to do as a society,
and culture, and as individuals,
even if we're not
consciously deciding it,
 take me to 20-year-olds who
 are getting ready to go out.
 A group of guys and
 a group of girls.
Those group of guys are
sitting around talking,
  going, I hope I
  get laid tonight.
Does this connect with--
- I love that you can say that.
  - [Stephanie] Yes, I can.
- I love that you can say that.
  - [Stephanie] Guess what?
You can.
 Let's see how it goes for you.
 (audience laughing)
 - Eh, yeah.
 - [Stephanie] So,
 those guys are saying,
 "I want to get laid tonight,"
 because, in prosperity,
 deep inside of us, is it "I
 wanna go spread my seed."
 And women, those same
 20-year-old girls,
 whether it's good
 or bad, are saying,
"I really like this guy.
"I'm gonna be sure I don't sleep
with him because I like him
 "and I want to go
 out with him again."
 isn't this idea that, if
 she wants to be prosperous,
 she needs to protect herself
 because she doesn't
 want to get pregnant,
  she doesn't want to become
  a caregiver tomorrow,
she wants to live her best life.
 And he, being someone
 who wants to prosper,
 is saying "I need to
 spread my greatness."
 - This is literally,
 I do this podcast on
 Fridays called Pivot,
 and we did all this consumer
 research, and it came with,
 the reason we like
 listening to Scott is,
it's like a NASCAR race,
 where we think there could be
 a fiery crash at any moment.
 My answer is like a one in 10
 chance I'll be fired from NYU.
 (audience laughing)
 Males and females--
- [Stephanie] You said,
 "Take outsize risks if
 you want to be happy."
- There you are,
okay, thank you.
 Anyways, I don't know if this
 has to do with happiness,
  but, look.
 Males have two jobs.
  Their first job is to
  survive, their second job
 is to spread their seed to
 the four corners of the earth.
 The majority of the
 men in this room
 would sleep with the
 majority of the women,
  the women would sleep with
  almost none of the
  men in this room.
 (audience laughing)
 Women have two jobs.
 Their first job is to survive,
 their second is to put
 a much finer filter
  and based on all the seed
  trying to get everywhere,
 pick the smartest,
 strongest, and fastest seed.
  It's the reason your kids
  will be taller than you,
 it's the reason my kids will
 be less prone to infection
than me.
 That is the basis of
 evolutionary progress,
 it's the reason why
 guys will spend money
  to try and look 53 again,
and women will wear
ergonomically impossible shoes.
 This is the basis, this is the
 chocolate and peanut butter
  of evolutionary progress.
I have no idea how we got here.
 (audience laughing)
 How did we get here?
Anyways, what was the question?
 Prosperity?
  - [Stephanie] Prosperity.
 - Okay, look--
 - [Stephanie] I want
 you to take prosperity
 and take it doesn't
 so we can understand
  where it actually
  sits in our lives.
 - Well, look.
 I think that the early years
 around sexual selection
 and mating are
 incredibly important.
I think your instincts kick in,
 but I think we are
 an evolved species,
  and I think we can
  be more thoughtful
 around what creates
 long-term happiness,
 and there's some
 research showing that
 some of the indicators
 around happiness,
 open and honest
 conversations around values,
 around money, will
 extend the likelihood
 that you won't have something
 economically ruinous
and emotionally.
 I have personal
 experience with this.
 My parents were pulled out
 of school when they were 13,
 they were immigrants,
 came to this country.
  My father was a salesman,
  my mother a secretary,
but they strung together
this wonderful upper
middle class lifestyle,
and we managed to again
  take this other incredible
  innovation, credit,
 and we bought a house,
 or they bought a house
 in Laguna Niguel.
If you stood on your
toes in the living room,
you could see the ocean.
 We had an ocean view
 home in Laguna Niguel.
And I was thriving, I
was in the third grade,
 I was doing great in little
 league, I loved school,
 and my dad fucked up.
  My dad started
  his third marriage
 while his second
 marriage was going on.
And, within six months,
 we were all living
 in shitty apartments
and nobody was the same
for, like, 10 years.
  So I think it's important
  as a young person,
when you decide to try
and commit to somebody,
that you have very open
and honest conversations
around what your
expectations are
 and this approach to
 this type of stuff.
  And we don't like to
  have these conversations,
 because they're uncomfortable,
 or we don't think that
 way when we're young.
 We think, like you
 were talking about,
 "He's cool, she's
 hot, let's hook up.
 "Okay, we're 27,
 everyone's getting married,
 "so maybe we should."
That's how I slept-walk
through my 20s.
 "Oh, everyone else
 is getting married,
  "so that means I
  must get married.
  "And she's wonderful, and
  she seems to like me."
That was literally the
basis of my conversation
around mating in my 20s.
 So I think we should have a
 more thoughtful conversation.
I wish a lot of the
young people I counsel,
 I have this cottage industry
 counseling the young
 men of my friends,
 or the sons of my friends
 because, relatively speaking,
relative to other cohorts,
young men have lost more ground
  against any other
  cohort in the US.
  It's probably about time,
  but young men are failing
  on almost every index.
Something like 40 to 60% of men
will live with their parents
before the age of 25 again,
they're not graduating college,
  70% of high school
  valedictorians are girls.
All of these things are
great on some level--
 - [Stephanie] But, hold on.
- Yeah?
 - [Stephanie] Why does that
 mean that they're failing?
- That they're failing?
 - [Stephanie] Right?
 Before now,
 those girls didn't necessarily
 have the opportunities.
 - It's great.
- [Stephanie] That goes
into this narrative
  that there's this
  war against men
 and women are out to get them.
 No, maybe women just finally
 have a shot in the game.
- There's some wonderful
things happening,
 but there's just no
 getting around it,
 I think young men are failing.
 I think that they
 have become expectant.
 I think, generally,
they watched their dads
and they believed that,
  because they're white and
  they have outdoor plumbing
 that they're entitled
 to a certain life,
  and that's just not true.
 I don't think they
 bring level of grit,
 the same level of discipline,
 the same level of maturity
 as some of their
 female counterparts,
 and I think young men,
 on almost any level, if you
 really look at the data,
 are failing.
  So the question is, as a
  young man, when I sit down
and I talk to my friends' boys,
I ask a series of questions.
 Substances.
 What is the role that
 substances play in your life?
And this is one of my equations.
When I lived in New
York, I used to go out,
  I was working for
  Morgan Stanley,
I used to go out every
night and come downtown
  to a cool club and
  get shitty drunk
with what felt like
other successful people.
And I wasn't an addict,
I was quite productive.
 I was making a lot of money,
I was working at Morgan Stanley,
so I wasn't an alcoholic.
Young people think that
addiction is the litmus test of,
  am I living under a
  bridge, or am I a failure,
 or have I had an intervention.
If not, then whatever
I'm doing seems to work.
  And that's not the
  right question.
 The right question is,
  would you be a little bit
  better at a lot of things
if you were less
dependent upon alcohol,
 or cut down alcohol,
 cut down cannabis,
 cut down television,
 cut down trans fats,
 whatever it might be?
  I was a lesser
  investment banker,
  my relationships
  weren't as strong,
 I wasn't physically as
 strong as I should have been,
  because I was just
  drinking too much.
 And one of the things
 I tell the kids is,
 look at every
 substance in your life
and just imagine
dialing it back by 2/3.
 Maybe you're not an addict,
  maybe you're not
  physically addicted to it,
  but if you dialed
  it back by 2/3,
 what would happen to the
 other components of your life?
So, anyways, I think substances
  and open and honest
  conversation with yourself
about the role substances play,
  even if you're not
  addicted to them,
  is a worthwhile
  conversation in your 20s,
  it's one I wished
  I'd had earlier.
 - [Stephanie] Then, would you
 equate happiness with peace?
 - Contentment?
I don't know the answer to that.
 I think everybody has
 their own kind of chi
or contentment.
Some people get rewards
in different areas.
And again, I don't
think there's any one...
 I'm not comfortable saying--
  - [Stephanie] Then, maybe
  what I'm getting at is--
- The one thing.
- [Stephanie] Based on your
metrics, based on the equations,
 are we incorrectly
 defining happiness?
 And what I mean is,
 we often connect it
 to something like joy,
 and joy is not, I wouldn't put
 joy next to any of the things
that you just described.
  But, when you talk
  about happiness,
  a lot of those other words
 I equate with being
 centered and peaceful.
- So, happiness is
oftentimes a sensation.
  There was a great article
  between David Bornstein,
 New York Times, about this,
 and it's, oftentimes,
 happiness is in the context
 of an achievement yourself.
 Joy, real joy, is
 usually accomplished
 in the context of
 accomplishments with others.
 You feel joy, it's striking
  how much joy is happening
  out there right now.
 It's not happiness, it's joy.
  When you're at your kid's
  graduation, it's joy.
  You are in the company...
 We as a species are
 typically happiest
  when we're in the company
  of others and in motion.
 I think that's why SoulCycle
and Crossfit are so successful.
 But if you talk to seniors,
if you talk to people
as they're about to die,
 and you ask them
 for their memories,
 their most important memories,
  it's usually when they're
  surrounded by others
 and in motion.
 specifically,
  "Remember when we all went
  to the Vatican in Rome
"as a family, and what a
jerk Johnny was being."
 People remember their
 family vacations.
 They remember being
 outside, in motion,
in the context or in the company
of other people they love.
  They feel a level
  of satisfaction.
One of the other
key components--
- [Stephanie] But that's
also because, real-time,
the memory of family
experiences or parenting
is much better than the
real-time experience.
 - We put Vaseline over the
 lens, no doubt, but who cares?
I'm gonna do a shit-ton
of heroin before I die,
 and as long as I feel good,
 I think it'll be worthwhile.
 (audience laughing)
 I thought that'd be funnier.
 Anyways.
 (audience laughing)
 another key component,
 another key component
  that came up in
  all the research.
 People who ha very
 healthy relationships.
What's the secret sauce?
 If there's one best practice,
  it's a number of deep and
  meaningful relationships.
  That's where the happiest
  cohort over-indexed.
And what is one critical
attribute of people who,
 over the course of their life,
 had a lot of very healthy,
deep, meaningful relationships?
What was present in that person?
  Where did they over-index?
  They were more forgiving.
 If you don't bring a
 certain level of forgiveness
 or a predisposition
 to forgiveness,
it's gonna be difficult to
sustain long-term relationships,
 because you and your
 partner will screw up.
 You and your friends
 will take advantage
or not appreciate the friendship
 as much as they should
 at certain times,
 you will suffer injustices,
 they will not do
 you right sometimes.
 If you do not bring
 forgiveness to a relationship,
 you are not going to have a
 lot of long, meaningful ones.
The other thing that has
to do with forgiveness,
 again around the same
 survey of seniors.
 What is the one thing,
 the one piece of advice they
 would give to themselves?
 What is the one
 thing they'd change?
 It's not, "Oh, I wish
 I'd made more money,"
 or, "I wish I hadn't
 gotten divorced,"
 or, "I wish I had been
 closer to my parents,"
they wish they had been
less hard on themselves.
 And it goes back to one of
 these equations, and that is,
 nothing is ever as good or as
 bad as it seems in the moment.
Nothing is ever as good
or as bad as it seems.
 In 1999, I thought it
 was done economically.
 Credit Suisse was taking my
 firm red envelope public,
 I was gonna run for Congress,
 I was gonna give hundreds
 of millions of dollars away,
 and just be awesome
 the rest of my life.
 And, by 2000, the
 market corrected that
  in a very aggressive way.
  And then, by 2008, I got
  run over by the recession,
 and my oldest son
 had the bad judgment
 to come rotating out
 of my girlfriend,
 and I was 40 and felt
 like a total loser,
that I was economically
strained, had a son,
 and didn't, I mean,
 it was emasculating.
And I remember thinking,
nothing is ever as good
or as bad as it seems.
 I wasn't the genius I
 thought I was in '99,
 but I wasn't the idiot that
 I thought I was in 2008.
 And what most old people
 tell their younger selves is,
  look back.
 The things where you
 really beat yourself up on,
 where you really
 think you screwed up,
 they look back and they go,
"You know what, it just
wasn't that meaningful,
  "it just wasn't
  that big a deal."
 And, at the same time,
 when you're out there
 and you kill it, and
 you get promoted,
 or you're a genius in
 terms of your stocks,
or you made some money,
or you're the man or
the woman for that day,
also realize that's not
entirely your fault,
and that there's a
regression to the mean.
Nothing is ever as good
or as bad as it seems.
 And that's been
 very helpful to me.
 As I get older, I get anxious.
  I was at a board
  meeting last week,
 and I said the most
 stupid fucking things,
 and I made everything
 worse for everybody,
  and I walked out of
  there, and I was sitting,
 staring at the ceiling
 at night going,
 "God, I'm just terrible at
 this," and beating myself up,
  and just a chocolate mess.
Just a chocolate mess, so
pissed off and upset at myself.
  And what helps me get
  through those moments is,
 I know at the end of my life
 I'm gonna look back and,
 yeah, that was a stupid thing
 to say, who cares, move on.
Nothing is ever as good
or as bad as it seems.
 - [Stephanie] Explain
 to me blind ambition,
 and people are
 striving, grinding,
 pulling to be more
 and more successful.
 How come, while we're in
 that climb, or traditionally,
 we're not reminded, or
 we don't talk about
 the importance of deep
 and meaningful relationships
 or love and affirmation?
When Harvey Weinstein went down,
he went down because of
issues related to sex.
But, suddenly, everyone
started talking and said
he was an awful monster,
he was a brutal leader.
 And we've hears about this.
 More and more people
 in senior positions,
 not so much in 2019,
 but historically,
  you've actually
  seen a correlation
  between hugely successful
  people who are awful
and awful to those around them.
 - Well, look.
  Some of the things you're
  talking about verge into
  criminal behavior.
 - [Stephanie] I don't
 mean that, but--
  - Yeah, so, look--
  - [Stephanie] Today we're
  saying being empathetic
is really important,
but for years it wasn't,
so I'm trying to connect
ambition with love,
 the desire for love
 and affirmation.
Because, traditionally, I
don't think people equate them.
 - The wonderful thing
 about academia is,
we are told to pursue the truth
 regardless of who it offends.
And there is some
fantastic research now--
 - [Stephanie] That's
 what tenure gives you.
- Yeah.
 I'm not tenured, by the way.
 I can be fired at any moment.
 That's why I have
 180 kids in my class,
  'cause I actually have to
  show up and do the work.
 I could get fired
 for that, probably.
 Anyways, the notion
 that as you get older,
 I think that there's a ton
 of great research out there
showing that the most successful
leaders are empathetic,
that the people who are happiest
are constantly grateful.
 I mean, there's now all
 this research showing that,
not only should you be grateful,
 but you should cement
 it in your brain
by writing it down every night,
 that that's a trick
 for happiness,
  that it literally
  releases a hormone
 and that you're more grateful.
  So I think there's
  a lot of hacks,
  I think there's a lot of
  great research out there.
  I think every year
  we get a little bit more
  conscious of these things.
Lets talk about meteors.
We talked about divorce
taking people off track.
  There's other things that
  can take you off track.
  I think the two most
  prevalent things are, one,
 with this cohort, is always
 howling in the money storm.
Because if we said to you in
this room, what are your goals,
 if you said
 "In 20 years I want to have
 successful relationships,
 "I want to be relevant
 professionally, I
 want to be healthy,
"I want to have people who love
me, I want to love others,"
 almost all of you will
 achieve those things.
 Almost all of you will
 achieve those things,
  but you won't be--
- [Stephanie] Hold on a second.
 - No?
 - [Stephanie]
 That's a heady list.
 You really think that?
 - At a certain level,
I bet everybody in this
room, not everybody.
 I bet most of the
 people in this room
  have most of those
  things, or will.
  I'm confident that
  you'll have those things.
 The hard part with an
 ambitious group of people--
- [Stephanie] Can I
interrupt one more time?
- Sure.
 - [Stephanie] Will they feel
 that they have those things?
  - Well, that's the trick.
 The trick is, because here's
 one of the fantastic genes
that's important to the
evolution of the species
 is the competitiveness gene,
  and the competitiveness
  gene is really important,
  it makes you grasp
  beyond your reach.
 The downside to that
 is, you typically will
  anchor off the most
  successful person you know
  in every category.
  Who got tenure before me?
Who is always getting
best teacher every year
and has bigger classes than me?
 Haswell at the moment.
 (audience laughing)
 Who is richer than me?
  The majority of my friends
  in the hedge fund business
 who are more lucky than good.
 - [Stephanie] And you convince
 yourself that it's luck,
because if you accepted
that it was good,
then you would mean you
were less than them.
  - But the problem is, deep
  down, you don't accept it,
  that deep down
  you feel inferior.
 That competitiveness gene can
 be very, very destructive.
 And the thing about money,
 howling in the money storm is,
 you know that scene in Star
 Wars where Luke Skywalker
 is trying to convince Han
 Solo to rescue Princess Leia,
 and he says, "There'd be a
 lot of money in it for you."
 And he says, "How
 much," and he says,
 "More money than you
 could ever imagine."
  and Han Solo goes,
"I don't know, I can
imagine a lot of money."
Even when you check those boxes,
  if you're in a
  capitalist society
and you always have that income,
 you always have that number,
 it's very easy to imagine two,
 three, 10 times that number,
 and you probably know somebody
 or are following a lot
 of people on Instagram
who have two, five, 10s.
 So, one of the meteors
 is always howling
 in the money storm.
The other meteors that
can take you off track,
 and this is more for people
 of our generation is,
 you have your world of stuff,
 you have your world of sport,
 you have your world of kids.
 If something comes off the
 rails with one of your kids,
  your whole world goes away
 and it's just about
 the kids, full stop.
 You want to see perspective,
 you want to see how grateful
 and wonderful your
 life was yesterday,
 something goes
 wrong with your kid.
 And we have, in my opinion,
 and I'm parodying the work of
 an outstanding colleague here,
Jonathan Hyde, who wrote
this very important book
 called "The Coddling
 of The American Mind."
  We have an emerging mental
  health crisis among teens.
  Teen suicide among
  boys is up 30%,
it's up 60 to 80% among
girls for two reasons.
 One, we engage in this
 concierge bulldozer parenting,
 where we use so many sanitary
 wipes on our kids' lives
that they don't develop
any requisite immunities
 when they face
 adversity, and two,
 we have these social
 media platforms
 and unfettered tech companies
that have absolutely no
regard, in my opinion,
for the mental
wellbeing of our youth.
They have no regulation on them.
  And, whereas there's
  fear of missing out, now,
 teenagers see a party
 they're not invited to
 play out in real time
 alone in their room.
So, boys bully
physically and verbally,
 girls bully relationally, and
 we have put nuclear weapons
 in the hands of young girls
 to bully relationally.
  We're seeing self-cutting
  and self-harm.
 We are, in my view,
seeing an absolute
epidemic of depression,
which leads to opioid
overdoses and opioid addiction.
Most people in this room
 could tell you where
 the DOW is today,
  most people can't tell you
  what their PSA levels are,
  their cholesterol levels.
 We think the DOW...
  The DOW is literally the
  worst metric in the world.
 It is so damaging to America,
 because it is
 effectively a measure
 on the economic wellbeing
 of the top 10% of households
  who own 80% of the stocks.
And guess what?
 Spoiler alert.
 The top 10% are killing it.
 What's a better metric
 that nobody knows?
  For the last three years,
  for the first time in the
  history of this nation,
  our life expectancy is
  declining in this country.
 We've never had
 that happen before,
 because more people will die
 this year of opioid overdoses
than died in the entire
Vietnam conflict.
  "Oh, but the DOW's
  hit new highs."
  Who cares?
  And I think part of that,
 I think that's gonna get
 worse because, unfortunately,
trying to make our
kids so physically safe
  we don't prepare
  them emotionally,
 and because we
 have tech platforms
 that aren't subject
 to the same standards
 as any other firm
 we've held accountable
 in the history of business.
 So I think a huge
 source of unhappiness
 for people of our generation
 will be teen depression,
as brought on by this dangerous
cocktail of over-parenting
 and unfettered social
 media platforms.
- [Stephanie] And then,
 if you don't let your children
 use any of these platforms,
 then they're
 completely isolated,
 because it's how young
 people communicate.
We're gonna open
up to questions.
- I just want to
flip the script.
 The two or three elements or
 best practices for happiness
  in Stephanie Ruhle's life.
  What brings you happiness?
 Have you distilled
 it down to anything?
 - Oh.
  Honestly?
 I was in investment banking
 for the first 15
 years of my career.
 The number one thing that has
 made me significantly happier
in the last five years,
 I don't have long-term
 goals anymore.
  My life was built on them,
  especially in banking.
  Like, "I work for
  the worst person
  "and I'm getting
  treated horribly,
  "but in a year I'm
  gonna get this,"
 and, "If I do this
 I'm gonna get that.
 "Where am I gonna live, and
 how old are my kids gonna be,
"and what is my husband
gonna look like?"
 And then the end of the year
 comes and the goalposts move,
because you didn't get promoted,
  or the person you work
  for quit or got blown out,
 and you realize all of
 those years behind you
that you were grinding,
you were miserable.
 You didn't respect yourself,
 you treated the
 people closest to you
who you love like shit.
  And so, for me, honestly,
  it was wiping out
  my long-term goals
and trying every day to say,
I'm gonna try to wake up happy,
  and I'm gonna try to go to
  bed a little bit happier.
 And the best way I
 was able to do that
 was to have less sharp elbows.
 And I think that,
 especially for women,
when you go into really
competitive industries,
  we're little, and not a
  lot of people look like us
  or sound like us.
 We believe we have to
 cut and be so sharp.
 And in order for me to succeed
 and be the most successful,
 other people can't be.
  But when you actually get
  mature about your ability,
 when you start to say,
 "I know I'm pretty
 good at this," and
 you create a community
and you're not
hoarding your business,
  when you hoard your
  business, it's exhausting,
 and you're trying to do things
 you're not that good at.
But when you actually celebrate
the people around you,
  and you're complimentary,
 and you make the
 environment positive,
people will want to be near you.
They'll actually choose
to work with you,
 which might have a
 less successful team
 or a less successful
 group than others,
  because even if you create
  joy, joy begets joy.
 Then people want to
 work in your group,
  and they want to sleep
  with people in your group,
 and they want to go
 out, I don't mean.
 You know what I mean?
 Like, if you create
 positivity, right?
 - I'm always the profane one.
 - [Stephanie] And
 I'll just be quick.
 There's even a huge difference
 between people having
 positive relationships at work
 and falling at love at work,
which I think is totally normal.
 I mean, you spend 80%
 of your time at work,
  you have common interests
  with your coworkers,
 you socialize
 together, it's normal.
 It's the intimacy, and
 I don't mean the sex,
but it's intimacy
that's actually created
 amazing business ideas
 and relationships.
But, since Me Too has happened,
which is a great thing,
 but we're sanitizing things,
 harassment and relationships
and love have nothing
to do with one another.
  And I'll give an example.
 What people say Joe Biden did,
  and I'm not trying
  to be political,
 Joe Biden was giving people
 affection, saying "I care."
 When someone's harassing you,
 they're not trying to hug you,
 they're trying to assert power
 over you in a grotesque way.
 And so, I actually think
 creating a loving environment,
as silly as it could be,
and helping people
makes a huge difference.
 And, oftentimes rich people
 (audience applauding)
 think that they're generous.
 Oh, thank you.
 Oh.
Oh my God, I got an
applause and you didn't.
Holy shit, you must feel
horrible about yourself.
- [Scott] I hate myself!
 - Yes, yes!
 (audience laughing)
- [Scott] I hate myself!
 - but, to be generous,
 to be generous,
  when a really rich person
  gives money away...
Listen, I'll take their
money for my charity,
  for my school,
  because I want it.
 That's not generosity.
 Generosity is giving something
 that costs something.
 And so, when you see people
 do generous things every day,
 taking away from themselves,
 I just think it's awesome.
And if you make it, look at you.
 You moved to Florida,
 you're saying,
 "Not all my businesses
 are successful,"
 but you've prioritized being
 good, not being a dick.
 And we used to think that
 being successful was being...
  We especially in areas
  like politics or banking.
 People connected being an
 asshole with being successful.
- You know why?
 Steve Jobs.
- [Stephanie] Well, guess what?
 He's dead, and Mark
 Benioff's alive.
And you know what he is?
Awesome.
  - I agree.
 But we had, and we'll
 open up the questions.
Their Jesus Christ is...
 Society's become less
 reliant on religion
as it become more
educated and wealthier,
but we still need super-beings,
and we decided that that
super-being and the Jesus Christ
  of the information
  economy was a guy
 who, in court,
 denied his own blood
 so he could avoid
 child support payments
 when he was worth a quarter
 of a billion dollars.
 I mean, it's just so obvious
  that we need more
  engaged fathers,
 not a better fucking father.
 Let's open it up to questions.
 (audience laughing)
 (applauding)
 - Hi, Scott.
Oh, it's not on.
Well, hopefully you can hear me.
  - [Scott] We can.
  Please introduce yourself.
  - My name is Adam Manzoni.
 Do you think how much time
 you spend in the digital world
 affects how happy you are,
 and how do you manage that?
 - Yeah, I do.
 There's an amazing researcher,
 a guy named Tristan Harris.
 You probably know, Tristan has
 done great work around this.
 I think we're just literally
 scratching the surface
  in terms of the negative.
  And there's some positive
  things about social,
 but this is just...
So, this is my smoking.
 My mom and dad were addicted
 to smoking, it killed my mom.
 Twitter's my smoking.
 I know I'm gonna get a
 dopa hit, I wanna see,
 I need constant
 reaffirmation, I need rewards.
 I go on and I see my content,
 how many people love me,
 say nice things about me, and
 probably, more importantly,
 I get people who don't like
 me, and that outrages me,
 which keeps me checking this
 thing 40 to 50 times a day.
 - But isn't that also why we
 always say, oh my goodness,
 those social media platforms,
 they're in trouble,
 they're having huge problems.
 They're not actually
 having any problems.
 - Business has
 never been stronger.
- [Stephanie] We're gonna
shit-talk Twitter all day long,
 and then you're gonna
 check your Twitter account.
- Their businesses have
never been stronger.
 I know it's bad for me, having
 a dopa thing in my pocket.
 I've started going to dinner,
 I can modulate myself.
 I'm at least mature enough
 and I can read the research
 to know I have a problem,
 and to do something about it.
  I worry my 11-year-old boy
when he'd ask me to take a
video of him doing a handstand,
  and then he says, "Can
  we upload it to YouTube,"
 which we did.
 And then I start seeing him
 saying, we're at the beach,
 and he's like, "Can we go on
 and see if I got any likes,"
 because he got a
 like and a comment,
  and it gave him some dopa.
 "Wow, well done, a handstand."
 And then someone else
 came up and said,
"You shouldn't be doing
handstands," and that upset him.
 But all of a sudden,
I saw the addiction starting
to feed back in random rewards.
 And we're all
 addicted to feedback.
 I mean, these terms basically
 have taken slot machines
 and turned them into this
 supernova of the dopa you get
 right when the wheels come up.
 And actually, another
 outstanding colleague,
 Adam Alter, wrote
 this fantastic book
 called "Irresistible: The Rise
 of Addictive Technologies."
  I can modulate it.
 I'm worried that young people
 and teens can't modulate it,
  and we're gonna find that
  we're raising a generation
of chemically screwed up
kids and young adults.
  And that's even before
  you even get to the point
 where a foreign intelligence
 arm of a foreign government
 can weaponize these platforms,
because they're totally
driven by economics
 and can basically
 pervert our elections,
or you have algorithms,
you have profit engines
that are run on rage.
 Because, through we like
 to think we're nice people,
 we're fairly tribal,
 and nothing creates
 engagement like enragement.
  - [Stephanie] Fairly nice
  doesn't work on social.
  - [Scott] I mean,
  there's some nice.
 You get a lot of nice stuff,
 I get a lot of nice stuff,
 but when the clicks
 really go rampant
 and we get more Chobani ads
  and more shareholder value
  for Facebook and Instagram
  is when they say something
  awful, or controversial,
  or they publish
  anti-vax content.
 That creates a ton of anger.
 More clicks, more Chobani ads,
 more earnings for Facebook.
 Whereas, if you put out saying
 "Scientific research saying,
"no, in general, pretty
much 100% of the time
 "societies that adopt
 vaccinations that kids
"are healthier and the
society is better off,"
that just doesn't stir
up a lot of controversy,
  or clicks, or Chobani ads.
So we have an
underlying profit motive
built into dividing and tearing
 at the fabric of our society.
 It's very dangerous.
  I went off-script.
 Emotionally, I think
 it's very damaging.
 - [Stephanie] Are
 you able to modulate,
  not just because you're
  an adult and he's a child,
 but are you able to modulate
because you were raised
without social media?
 So your self-worth, for
 the most part, is internal,
 and the highs and lows that
 you get from social media
  is like an add-on.
  We're raising kids
  in a digital era
 where their entire
 self-worth is based on likes.
 - Could be.
But, are you, I don't
know if you're this way,
 I get very bummed
 out or very excited
 by the feedback I
 get in social media.
 - [Stephanie] Of course, but
 I don't live and die by it
because it didn't exist
in my life for 40 years.
  But our children--
- That's an interesting
thesis, I don't know.
 - [Stephanie] Don't
 know the difference?
 - I don't know if
 we're less prone to it
because we spend most
of our lives without it.
 I don't know.
  That could be a bad
  thing, too, I don't know.
  - Hi there, my name is
  Sanaz (microphone static).
 I'm a big fan of your podcast.
  I was curious in the
  research around happiness.
 Were there difference
 in other countries,
 or was it all the same
 themes, even globally?
 - [Scott] It is interesting.
 The most recent study
 on happiness found
 that seven of the
 top 10 countries that
 were the happiest,
 they had one thing in common.
 Does anyone know what
 that one thing was?
 - [Stephanie] Poverty.
- [Audience Member] Healthcare?
 - Socialism.
Seven of the 10 happiest
countries are socialist.
And there's probably
some noise in that data,
  but happiness is not
  only about what you have,
it's an absence of fear
 from what can be
 taken away from you.
  Most socialist countries,
  what you have is,
 you don't worry
 about going bankrupt
 because your wife's
 diagnosed with lung cancer.
  So the happiest countries
  tend to be socialist.
Also, there's an
arc of happiness
 across all economic classes,
 across all geographic
 boundaries,
across all cultural boundaries,
 and you never see
 research this clean.
And that is, the
arc of happiness
 through the course of
 your life is a smile,
 and that is kind of zero to 25
 is the stuff of Disney Land,
Han Solo, fun times with
your parents, brother.
You just look generally
back on your childhood
 as being very happy.
 And then, 25 to 45 is actually
 when you're least happiest.
 Why?
  It's what I call
  the shit-gets-real
  part of your life.
  You come to the discovery
 that you're probably
 not gonna be senator
 or have a fragrance
 named after you.
Someone you know and you
love gets sick and dies,
and that literally hits
you square in the face.
  The harshness of life hits
  you square in the face.
 Kids are stressful.
We don't like to
talk about this,
 but there's a body
 of research out there
showing that people without kids
 are generally happier
 than people with kids.
People don't regret having them,
think it's incredibly rewarding.
 To your point, tend to have a
 bias and revisionist history
 about how wonderful
 it was to have kids,
  but having kids is
  really stressful.
  Work is stressful.
 - [Stephanie] Well,
 it's about sacrifice.
 - It's stressful, it's about
 sacrifice, they get sick,
 you're up all night
 wondering about their croup.
  But then something
  wonderful happens,
 and about the time you hit
 50, younger if you're soulful,
  you start getting happier.
 You start realizing
 that life is finite,
  you take stock of
  your blessings.
If you live in America,
 you probably have incredible
 blessings, in my view,
  and you start
  appreciating weird things.
 I used to go surfing
 'cause I thought it was fun
 and it made me seem
 more interesting.
 Now I do it, I can't
 get over how on earth
 a cylinder of several
 million tons of water forms,
  and that I can ride it
  on a piece of fiberglass.
 It just fascinates me.
 I never thought that
 way when I was 25.
 You start getting into nature,
 you start appreciating help,
 you start loving food more,
 you start appreciating
 friendships,
you start realizing what
an incredible invention
 academia is.
I just didn't think that
way when I was younger.
Anyways, of course, back to me.
 But you get happier.
So the advice to people
in their 20s and 30s,
when they face adversity
  and they're in a point in
  their life, they're like,
"I'm not as happy as I
thought I was gonna be,"
that is entirely normal.
 That is part of the journey,
 and the key is to
 keep on keeping on,
 that happiness waits for you.
  - [Stephanie] Just quickly
  before we go to
  the next question.
 You had said, and chances are
 you live in the United States
so you have all these blessings,
so isn't this interesting?
 The happiest countries
 for the most part
 are countries with socialism,
 yet, in your last answer, you
 said, and you're Americans,
 you have all these
 blessings, we're less happy.
  So we have the blessings,
 but we're less happy
 than those who don't.
- That's what the research says.
 I'm just speaking personally,
 state-funded education,
key component is being grateful.
 I'm here on the stage with you
 because of the generosity and
 vision of California taxpayers
  and the regents of the
  University of California.
 I went to UCLA and Berkeley,
 total tuition, $7000,
and live a life I would
have never imagined
  because of big government,
  and because America used
  to love unremarkable kids.
  This isn't a humble-brag.
 - [Stephanie] And
 because of your mom.
- And because of my
mom, thank you for that,
 and the irrational passion for
 the wellbeing of my mother.
We used to, as a nation,
and unfortunately,
  there's never been a
  better time in our nation
  to be remarkable.
  The top 1% have
  never been better.
 If you were middle of
 the road like I was,
 it's never been a worse time.
 For the first time in
 our country's history,
a 30-year-old isn't doing as
well as his parents were at 30.
  Now, I think it's
  because we've fallen out.
There's a very dangerous
element in our society.
 I think we've fallen out of
 love with the unremarkables,
 and there's some good
 things about that--
 - [Stephanie]
 They're not exciting.
Everybody loves a story
of the underprivileged
 and helping the
 underprivileged win.
 We love those stories, and we
 love the remarkable stories,
 but all of those
 people in the middle
are just not that cool.
They don't get that many likes.
- 100%.
  And there's some wonderful
  things in our economy.
  If you're a kid from an
  impoverished neighborhood
 and you've done really
 well, Harvard will find you,
  and you can find Harvard.
 There's some amazing things
 about our economy right now.
But what if you're just average
 from a middle-class
 household now?
You can't get into a UC campus.
  That's what I was.
  Mother was a secretary, I
  didn't have good grades,
but I didn't test well, either.
  And I got to go
  to a great school
 and have remarkable
 opportunities.
 No longer the case.
 So I think the real issues,
 and we start talking
 about America,
 I don't know how we got here,
  but I think we
  have real problems
 in terms of the role
 that the education...
  Do you realize Stanford
  has triple the applicants
  that it did 30 years ago,
and they haven't increased their
freshman class by one seat?
  Harvard has a $38
  billion endowment,
  and the Admissions
  Director brags every year
  that we could have
  doubled the freshman class
and not sacrificed any quality.
And my viewpoint is,
well, with $38 billion,
  why wouldn't you?
- [Stephanie] 'Cause exclusivity
  is what we think
  gives people joy.
- We think we're luxury brands.
We're not luxury brands,
we're public servants.
  Anyway, thank you
  for the question.
 - Hi.
  Ricky Barron, and I took
  Professor Galloway's class
 back in 2013.
 - [Scott] Hi, Ricky.
 - How are you?
- [Scott] Good.
 - [Stephanie] Are you happy?
- I would say you've
always been very honest,
 especially in your lectures,
 but I think I've noticed
 from reading your newsletter
 and listening to podcasts,
 I think you've become a
 little bit more vulnerable,
  and you talk about issues
  relating to your kids,
or even fear of public speaking.
  I'm curious, one, if this
  is a conscious decision
  you've made to be
  more vulnerable,
if that's tied into
the happiness equation,
 and if you've seen
 the benefits of it.
 - That's a generous question.
 So he's talking about one of
 my blogs was about speaking.
 I get panic attacks.
 Typically I'm fine.
 I'm an outstanding speaker.
 (audience laughing)
 I'm outstanding.
  - [Ricky] I agree.
- One of the best in the world.
 I get paid more than
 household income
to go to Midtown
 and speak to a bunch
 of whatever dudes
 that work for a hedge fund.
 And on a regular basis
 I get a panic attack,
 and I feel like I'm gonna
 throw up, pass out, wake up.
 I mean, I literally
 feel like I'm dying.
  - [Stephanie] Why?
  Impostor syndrome?
- I don't know.
 I think it might be
 impostor syndrome,
and it's totally random,
it's totally random.
So I write about it, it
helps writing about it,
  and I love the Mr.
  Rodgers quote of,
"True success is having
nothing to fear."
 So I write a lot
 about insecurities.
I write a lot about,
'cause here's the thing.
 The moment you write
 about this stuff,
I'm the CEO of one of the
three largest content companies
 in the world.
 I'm coming downtown
 to meet with you,
 and I started talking
 about my mom's death
 and how I couldn't get past
 it, and how I felt like...
  I like to think of myself
as an alpha male
master of the universe,
  and I realized three
  years after my mom's death
  I hadn't moved on with my
  life and I needed help.
 And this guy, I mean this guy
 is a real master of the
 universe, call me and says,
 "I'm coming downtown."
 I didn't recognize his name,
  and he comes downtown and
  he brings a cup of coffee,
  and he just wants to talk
  about his mom's death.
And what you realize is,
we're all struggling.
We're all struggling at
some point in our life,
 and to be open and
 honest, you do get,
  you get wonderful support
  from other people.
One of the keys,
 we talked about the ability
 to mourn and move on.
I think, when something
bad happens to you,
 you literally need a clock.
  "All right, I got fired."
Feel sorry for yourself,
hate yourself, be upset,
 whatever it is, before
 two weeks, four weeks,
  eight weeks, give
  yourself a time.
  If you can't get past it,
 start thinking about
 reaching out to other people
 and saying, "I'm
 having some trouble."
 and I should have done
 that when my mom died.
 I should have said,
 "Okay, six, 12 months,
 "I should kind of have my act
 back together," and I didn't.
I think it's important,
  but it's just amazing when
  you talk about this stuff,
 there is a world of empathy
 and support out there.
So it's more self-preservation,
and also, affirmation.
 People like it,
 people respond to it.
  So, it's selfish
  in a lot of ways.
But, thank you for the question.
  - [Stephanie] You didn't
  talk about being ashamed.
 And when we get fired
 and we're ashamed,
  or, what was the
  Mr. Rodgers quote?
 - "True success is not
 fearing the truth."
 - [Stephanie] So, when
 people feel shame,
 it's when they hide the truth,
it's when they cover things up,
 is when we think there's an
 ugly truth and we start lying.
  So, is part of this
  starting to own ourselves
 and not believe
 there's an ugly truth,
 just be exactly who you are?
- Yeah.
 I mean, we all have secrets.
This is a tough one, but I find,
 when you're out there
 with your emotions.
 Here's another thing
 that I find with men.
 We believe being
 complimentary of each other,
men being complimentary
of another man,
 that somehow your skills are
 a finite currency and that,
 if you say to a guy,
 "I like your glasses,"
or you say to this guy,
"You have great hair,
"you're handsome," that somehow
that makes my hair worse
 and I'm less handsome.
 - [Stephanie] What
 does that have to do
 with men versus women?
  If two men go to a party
  wearing the same sweater,
 they take a picture together.
If two women are
wearing the same dress,
 one is hiding under a table
 until the other one leaves.
 - I find, in general,
 that women are more open with
 compliments of each other
  than men, that
  men are very rare,
 especially young men
 typically don't...
  How many young men do you
  ever say to each other,
 "I'm just so impressed by you.
"I'm just so impressed by you."
- [Stephanie] But that's
cultural homophobia.
 - That is one, 'cause
 it's a currency--
 - [Stephanie] I just
 made that term up,
  I'm just gonna say
  that right there.
  I feel really good
  about it, too.
 - It's true.
We're taught, "I'm
going to affection now."
 I was raised in a household
 where there was no affection,
 and I decided early on
 I was gonna be overwhelmingly
 affectionate with my boys.
 Because, if you look
 at pack animals,
  and there's a ton of
  research around mammals...
I co-sleep with my boys.
  Everyone starts
  in their own bed,
  it turns into musical
  chairs around three a.m.,
and I usually end up
with a 40-pound bow tie,
 which is my youngest,
 across my neck,
 who's just decided he wants
 to sleep across my neck.
And Americans are really
weird about co-sleeping.
 And actually, in Japan
 it's very accepted,
 in India it's very accepted.
I think it's natural as mammals
for us to be constantly
touching each other.
So I decided I was gonna
take affection back
  and be really
  affectionate with my boys.
 I'm trying to be affectionate
 with my male friends,
 and it is not easy.
 (audience laughing)
It is not easy.
  And you know what?
A lot of it comes back
to what you were saying.
 When I was young,
 you were told that,
if you were affectionate
with other men,
it was a sign of homosexuality.
 And when I was growing
 up, that was not cool.
  That meant there was
  something wrong with you.
 So we all put on this
 kind of masculine,
  testosterone-filled
  barrier between affection.
  Affection meant
  one of two things.
 It was either a path to sex,
  or it meant you
  were a homosexual.
  That's it.
  Any other affection,
  that's all affection was.
And so, I think my
generation of males lost
 what is one of the
 most wonderful things
 for our species,
 and that is affection
 that is not sexual.
 Affection, I'm doing a lot of
 virtue signaling right now.
  I'm sorry?
- [Stephanie] No, human contact.
- 100%.
 Thank you for the question.
 Yes?
- Hi, Kira Jolliffe, former
student of Professor Galloway's.
 - [Scott] How are you?
- Great.
I have three children, all boys.
  The conversation
  around the crisis
that young men and boys
are facing resonated,
 and I'm wondering, what do you
 think people like me can do
 to have an impact in
 reversing some of those trends
  that we discussed?
  - When I'm talking
  about this topic,
  I like it when people
  introduce me with my name
as opposed to professor,
 because I am not clinically
 trained in these issues.
I have no academic credibility,
  which didn't stop me
  from writing a book, but.
 (audience laughing)
  This is what I tell young
  men, and it's kind of,
  do as I say, not as I do.
 I think embracing your gender
 is incredibly rewarding.
 And having this
 important conversation
 about how gender is
 a continuum, and,
 unfortunately, because
 of some criminal acts
 and corruption in power and
 a workplace that wallpapered
over all this
incredibly bad behavior,
  we have conflated
  masculinity with toxicity.
Masculinity is a
wonderful thing.
 I think femininity
 is a wonderful thing.
But a big part of my rap
 when I'm speaking to these,
 and these aren't boys,
 I'm speaking to
 young men, typically,
 and I don't feel like
 I have any background
or real domain expertise
in child psychology.
 But what I can tell you when
 I'm meeting with young men
  is that, when I was young,
 embracing masculinity for me
 was generally being ripped.
 I didn't go to the gym to
 get fit, I went to be huge.
 Right?
 I just wanted to be
 ridiculously big.
 And it's instinctive, right?
 You should be able, as a male,
 to either kill someone
 or outrun them,
one of those two things.
 That's built into us.
  Two, I wanted to have sex
 with as many strange
 women as possible,
 and three, I wanted to
 be generally awesome.
That's why I took a job
at an investment bank.
I had no idea what
investment banking was,
  literally no idea,
  but I thought--
 - [Stephanie] Me too.
  - Awesome.
 I wanna be awesome.
 And my roommate wanted it,
 so I thought, if he wants it,
  I'll do it, because I was
  very competitive with him.
 Those were my vines.
 And what I tell young men
 is, masculinity is awesome,
 but define your vines.
 My vines have changed
 as I've gotten older.
 You know what makes
 me feel masculine?
Voting.
 I'm getting involved
 in the election,
I'm signing a--
  - [Stephanie] I'm
  so into you now.
 (audience laughing)
- Thank you, Stephanie.
 - [Stephanie] Voting!
- Voting, being a good neighbor.
 - [Stephanie] Chicks
 are so into that.
 - I realize I am doing the
 mother of all virtue signaling
  right now.
 I have a neighbor who's sick,
 I took my kids
 over the other day.
 Being a good neighbor,
 being a responsible citizen,
taking an interest in a
child that's not yours,
  those make me feel
  strong like bull.
So, what young men should do
is, define what your vines are,
and in some, don't do what I do,
don't be a boy in a man's body,
 get to the man part as
 quickly as possible.
  Masculinity is wonderful.
  It's wonderful, but define
  it early as a man and say,
"This is what I'm committed to,
 "this is how I define
 my masculinity."
  I think it means
  being aggressive.
 Let me say something
that gets a lot of
controversy in the book.
 Take economic responsibility
 of your household as a man.
 Take responsibility.
And, by the way,
sometimes taking responsibility
 is realizing that your partner
is better at that whole
money thing than you,
  and being more supportive
  of that in the home.
My partner that I had kids with,
 I had a job at Goldman Sachs
  and was making more money
  than me 10 years ago.
 I said, okay,
I'll stay at home with
the kids in the morning,
 which I hated, which I hated.
 - [Stephanie] And society
 hated you doing it as well.
 - Anyways, my point
 is, masculinity is
 a wonderful thing,
 we've just, for some reason,
  conflated it with
  terrible behavior.
  My behavior as a young man
 was what I'll call
 boyish masculinity,
  but I think a conversation
  with young men and saying,
  "What is masculinity,
  what does it mean to you,"
and get to those vines
as quickly as possible.
 Thank you for the question.
 - [Stephanie] They're
 kicking us out.
 - [Scott] Well,
 thank you, Stephanie.
 - Thank you.
 (applauding)
 Let's hear it for Scott again!
  - Thank you, Scott
  and Stephanie,
  for this thought-provoking
  conversation this evening.
 On behalf of Stern,
I would like to give you a
small token of our appreciation.
 (audience applauding)
 I would also like to extend a
 thank you to each one of you
 for your continued involvement
 with the NYU community.
  We'll now move to
  the patron's lobby
 for the cocktail reception,
 where the books have been
 provided graciously by Scott
 to each one of you for free,
 and they will be available to
 be signed by Scott as well.
Thank you very much, and
have a great evening.
