>> Jimmy: OUR NEXT GUEST IS A 
VERY FUNNY COMEDIAN FROM 
ATLANTA, GEORGIA. 
YOU CAN SEE HIM EVERY FRIDAY 
NIGHT AT THE WESTSIDE COMEDY 
THEATER HERE IN SANTA MONICA, 
PLEASE WELCOME, NEEL NANDA!
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
♪
>> HOW ARE WE DOING, LOS 
ANGELES?
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
GOOD EVENING.
YES, YES.
I'M EXCITED TO BE HERE.
I DO LIVE HERE IN LOS ANGELES SO
I'M DATING IN LOS ANGELES, WHICH
IS FUN.
I DON'T KNOW IF I'M DATING GIRL 
ORDER IF I'M JUST FEEDING GIRLS.
I HAVE NO IDEA.
I'VE HAD A LOT OF FEEDINGS 
LATELY.
LIKE I WAS FEEDING THIS GIRL FOR
ABOUT TEN MONTHS.
THAT WAS ALMOST A COMMITTED 
FEEDING.
BUT NO, MY LAST RELATIONSHIP 
ACTUALLY ENDED BECAUSE OF A TEXT
MESSAGE.
IT WAS A SEXY TEXT.
SHE TEXTED ME, SHE SAID, HEY, 
COULD YOU COME OVER AND HELP ME 
BUILD MY BED?
MAYBE WE CAN USE IT.
YEAH.
SEXY TEXT.
I IMMEDIATELY TURNED INTO A '90s
R&B SINGER.
♪ BROW GIRL I'M GONNA BUILD YOUR
BED AND LAY YOU DOWN ♪
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
THAT WAS MY FIRST THOUGHT.
MY SECOND THOUGHT WAS, I CAN'T 
BUILD A BED.
THERE'S NO WAY.
THERE'S NO WAY I CAN DO THAT.
I CAN BARELY BUILD A BEAR AND 
THERE'S A WORKSHOP FOR THAT.
CAN'T DO IT.
I DID DO IT.
I DID DO IT, I WENT OVER THERE, 
TOOK ME ABOUT AN HOUR.
HOUR AND A HALF.
UNTIL I CALLED A MAN.
I WAS LIKE, HEY, DANNY, THIS IS 
COURTNEY, HE'S GOING TO BE 
FEEDING YOU FROM NOW ON.
[ LAUGHTER ]
♪ BAM BAM BAM NOW I'M GONNA 
WATCH A PORN WITH HEADPHONES 
ON ♪
I GOT ROOMMATES, WHAT ARE YOU 
GOING TO DO?
I DON'T KNOW.
I WISH I COULD MEET SOMEBODY THE
WAY MY PARENTS MET.
MY PARENTS HAVE THIS ADORABLE 
STORY.
MY MOM IS FROM A PLACE IN INDIA 
CALLED THE SUNGUNGE.
MY DAD IS FROM PENJAB.
THE WAY THINK PARENTS MET, 
ADORABLE STORY, THEY WERE 
MARRIED.
THAT'S HOW THEY MET.
[ LAUGHTER ]
[ APPLAUSE ]
IT WAS LOVE AT FIRST WEDDING.
MY DAD ACTUALLY LIVED IN 
ATLANTA, GEORGIA, AT THE TIME.
HE WAS AT GEORGIA TECH, 
ENGINEERING SCHOOL, SO HE WAS 
INCREDIBLY HORNY.
[ LAUGHTER ]
SO WHAT MY DAD DID WAS PUT AN AD
IN THE INDIAN NEWSPAPER.
ANCIENT TINDER, BASICALLY.
IT WAS JUST A PICTURE OF HIS 
FACE AND HIS BIO, AND MY GRANDPA
SAW THIS, MY MOM'S DAD.
HE CUT IT OUT, THEN CUT OUT FOUR
OTHER DUDES' PROFILES FOR MY MOM
TO SWIPE.
[ LAUGHTER ]
MY MOM SAW THESE FIVE GUYS.
AND SHE WENT, EVENNY MEANY 
MINENY.
THE ONE IN AMERICA.
[ LAUGHTER ]
[ APPLAUSE ]
THANK YOU, MOM, I APPRECIATE 
THAT.
THEY GOT MARRIED IN INDIA BUT 
THEY MOVED BACK TO GEORGIA 
BECAUSE THEY LOVED RACISM.
[ LAUGHTER ]
YEAH.
THEY RAISED ME IN GEORGIA, I 
ENJOYED GROWING UP IN GEORGIA, I
HAD GOOD FRIENDS GROWING UP IN 
GEORGIA.
MY FAVORITE FRIEND, PAGEMUS.
HEY, HOW DO YOU SPELL THAT?
P-A-D-G-E-P-A-A-J -- HE GOES, 
NO, IT'S P-A-J-A-M-A-S.
I WAS LIKE, YOUR NAME IS 
PAJAMAS?
[ LAUGHTER ]
IT'S NOT PAGEMUS.
BUT YOU KNOW WHAT, PAGEMUS?
YOU KNOW WHAT, MAN?
WHATEVER HELPS YOU SLEEP AT 
NIGHT, THAT'S COOL WITH ME.
COOL WITH ME.
[ LAUGHTER ]
[ APPLAUSE ]
NO BUT ME AND PAGEMUS WERE GOOD 
FRIENDS.
WE WOULD ARGUE ALL THE TIME.
WE DIDN'T AGREE ON THE SAME 
THINGS.
I WAS A BIG SUPPORTER OF GAY 
RIGHTS, GAY MARRIAGE.
BUT PAGEMUS WASN'T.
HE WOULD ALWAYS BRING UP THE 
BASEBALL.
HEY, MAN, IN LEVITICUS IT SAYS A
MAN MAY NOT LIE WITH ANOTHER MAN
AS HE DOES WITH A WOMAN.
AND I WAS LIKE, HEY, MAN, THAT'S
FROM A BOOK THAT'S BEEN 
REWRITTEN AND RETRANSLATED FOR 
OVER 2,000 YEARS.
WHAT IF THAT WAS A TYPO?
[ LAUGHTER ]
WHAT IF THAT WAS A MISTAKE?
WHAT IF THAT WAS SUPPOSED TO BE 
A MAN MAY NOT LIE TO ANOTHER MAN
AS HE DOES TO A WOMAN.
[ LAUGHTER ]
[ APPLAUSE ]
YEAH, YEAH.
BRO BIBLE, RIGHT?
YEAH.
AND WHY AM I ARGUING WITH A DUDE
NAMED PAJAMAS?
I DON'T KNOW.
THANK YOU GUYS SO MUCH.
[ LAUGHTER ]
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE 
