

### The Human Soul:

### Sexual Attraction

### By

### Jesus (AJ Miller) &

### Mary Magdalene (Mary Luck)

### Sessions 1-2

Published by

Divine Truth, Australia at Smashwords

http://www.divinetruth.com/

Copyright 2015 Divine Truth

Smashwords Edition, License Notes

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### This ebook is a transcript of two seminars delivered on 25th June and 26th June 2011 in Athens, Greece by Jesus (AJ Miller) and Mary Magdalene (Mary Luck) from the Human Soul series of talks. In these talks they describe the human soul and soulmates, what creates attraction between soulmates, what creates sexual attraction between people, and the emotional basis of sexual attractions and sexual taboos.

### Reminder From Jesus & Mary

### Jesus and Mary would like to remind you that any document produced by Divine Truth containing any information from Jesus, Mary or any other person includes only a portion of God's Truth that they have personally discovered.

### It does not and cannot contain the entire of God's Truth since God's Truth is infinite and humankind will forever continue to discover more of God's Truth as we progress in receiving more of God's Love.

### Please remember that due to these limitations information contained within this document may need to be revised in the future.

### Many other ebooks have been published by Divine Truth, including ebooks translated into a variety of different languages.

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Table of Contents

### Sexual Attraction: Session 1 Part 1

1. Introduction

2. Soul creation and incarnation

2.1. God creates everything, including souls, with almost infinite variety

2.2. Un-incarnated souls are perfected in natural love but not self-aware

2.3. Differences between reincarnation and incarnation

2.4. An example of a man having a vision of his pre-incarnated state

2.5. There are fourteen people who first chose to reincarnate on Earth

2.5.1. One of the fourteen has passed into the spirit world

3. Becoming aware of our soulmate

3.1. Questions from a spirit about reincarnation and differences in the spirit body

3.2. The withered state of souls prevents awareness

4. God's perspective of sexual attraction

5. The three things that create attraction between soulmates

5.1. Truth

5.2. Desire

5.3. Love

5.4. Developing in truth, love and desire draws the soul halves together

5.4.1. Every soul has different characteristics and personality

5.5. Facing personal truth involves discovering both our good and bad aspects

6. Sexual attraction is created by energy flow between chakras

6.1. Chakras are energy systems of our body

6.2. Sexual attraction for an uninjured person

6.2.1. Sexual attraction is the result of energy flow through your own body

6.3. Sexual attraction between injured people

6.3.1. The example of a needy man and a dominating woman

6.3.2. Greater energy flow between chakras due to sympathetic injuries creates greater sexual attraction

7. Spirits can influence sexual attraction in injured people

7.1. Spirit influence can create confusion in sexual preferences

8. Impediments to sexual desire

8.1. Anger, fear and shame shut down sexual desire

8.2. Multigenerational injuries in women cause women to shut down sexually

8.2.1. Spirits encourage women to shut down their sexual desire

8.3. Being shut down indicates a state of anger

8.4. Working through emotions to unblock sexual desire in a relationship

8.4.1. Method 1: Feeling emotions in a sexual situation

8.4.2. Method 2: Noticing emotional issues on a day-to-day basis

8.5. Working through spirit influence causing women to be sexually shut down

8.5.1. An example of a woman who needs to address her emotions about women spirits before dealing with inter-gender issues

9. Finding our ideal partner

9.1. An example of a woman looking for her ideal partner

9.2. Examining our expectations of and preferences for our ideal partner

9.3. An instance of spirits shutting down audience members

9.3.1. The benefits of dealing with sexual injuries

9.4. An example of a woman who feels drawn to a man

9.5. Exploring the truth about who our soulmate is

9.5.1. The example of when Mary met AJ

9.5.2. Exploring the emotional basis of sexual attraction

9.5.3. The example of the woman who feels drawn to a man (continued)

9.5.4. The example of when Mary met AJ (continued)

### Sexual Attraction: Session 1 Part 2

10. Reasons that people feel shame when discussing sex

10.1. Erroneous reasons for shame about sexual matters

10.2. Pure reasons for shame about sexual matters

10.2.1. An example of a man becoming more sensitive to unloving sexual actions

10.3. The two areas that create sexual shame

10.4. Healing injuries relating to sexual attraction requires open discussion

10.4.1. Most sexual injury is not related to sex

11. The emotional basis of sexual attractions and sexual taboos

11.1. We need to see our injuries in order to heal ourselves

11.2. Taboo sexual practices that people feel shame around

11.2.1. Emotions surrounding masturbation

11.2.2. Emotions surrounding pornography

11.2.3. Emotions surrounding oral sex

11.2.4. Emotions surrounding celibacy

11.2.5. Emotions surrounding S&M and bondage

11.3. Many sexual taboos are based around sexual addictions

11.3.1. Emotions surrounding S&M and bondage (continued)

11.4. Working through addictions underlying taboo sexual practices

11.5. All sexual injuries need to be healed to become at-one with God

11.5.1. Celibacy prevents at-onement with God as much as S&M

12. Emotions surrounding incest and paedophilia

12.1. Children are open to sexual abuse due to unhealed emotions in their parents

12.2. An example of sexual abuse in the Catholic Church

12.3. How to deal with children who are being abused

12.4. Spirit interactions are very common during sexual abuse

12.5. An example of a woman with genital pain resulting from likely sexual abuse

12.5.1. Spirits can sexually abuse children directly or indirectly through people on Earth

12.5.2. Being open to discovering the truth about potential sexual abuse

13. The dynamic of sexual projections between fathers and daughters

13.1. In a perfect family the father would only have soulmate-related energy exchanges with his wife

14. Sexual attraction in relationships

14.1. Most relationships are due to co-dependent addictions

14.2. Sexual attraction diminishes as addictions are no longer met

14.3. Developing a pure relationship

14.4. Dealing with feeling attracted to a person outside of the relationship

14.4.1. An example of a woman leaving her family to marry a man she loved

14.4.2. From God's perspective people are only married when they feel love towards each other

15. Closing Words

### Sexual Attraction: Session 2

16. Introduction

17. Soul incarnation

17.1. Soulmates often incarnate into nearby locations

17.1.1. When the soul is split it needs bodies to experience the universe

17.2. Attracting our soulmate by living in harmony with desire, truth and love

18. Experiencing at-onement with God

19. Working through sexual relationship problems

19.1. An example of emotions that can create sexual relationship problems in a couple

19.2. Women's resistance to emotions surrounding sexuality is enhanced by spirit influence

19.3. Emotional reasons for women having difficulty reaching orgasm

19.3.1. The body is a perfect reflection of the soul's beliefs and emotions

19.3.2. The example of Mary and AJ's relationship

19.4. Sexual connection is a reflection of the complete connection in the relationship

19.5. The male perspective of sexual relationships

19.6. Examining other issues in the relationship that create sexual problems

19.6.1. The example of Mary and AJ's relationship (continued)

20. Differences in attitude to sex in men and women of different generations

20.1. Emotions towards sex in younger men

20.2. The two main types of sexual attitudes in men

20.3. Connecting to grief about the loss of feminine love on Earth

21. Emotions in men and women affecting male sexual performance

22. An example of a man who's an angry woman pleaser during sex

22.1. Working through addictions in men who allow women's sexual rage

23. Suppression of emotions invites spirit influence during sexual acts

24. Women's rage towards men

24.1. Many women are resistive to hearing about men's emotions about sex

24.2. The impact on men and their male children of women's rage towards men

24.3. An example of a spirit-influenced woman with rage towards men and sexual fear

24.3.1. Dealing with the fear of the angry woman spirit

24.3.2. Factors that prevent a soulmate being attracted to a spirit-influenced angry woman

25. Closing Words

Sexual Attraction: Session 1 Part 1

1. Introduction

How's everyone feeling today? Some are feeling better; some are still feeling pretty rough. We were feeling pretty rough this morning, just a constant niggling from some spirits, which we eventually discussed and dealt with, and they all sort of relaxed their attack. Well, their attack was less effective, shall we say, after that. And it is basically because of this subject that they were attacking us about because there are many spirits, both male and female in the spirit world, who do not want you to understand the truth about sexual attraction because if you do, then they have less ability to manipulate you with relationships and therefore less ability to share in the relationship with you, or to share in the sexual engagements that happen with you. So the more you understand about sexual attraction, the safer your life becomes sexually because there are fewer spirits influencing all of your decisions about relationships.

Mary: And less injury really, isn't it?

Yeah. So that's why we wanted to discuss that topic with you today. Firstly though we thought we'd have a bit of a summary of the soul, how it splits and how it incarnates, just so that we remember the basics about the soul and soul attractions. This is because sexual attraction is actually a part of the soulmate relationship, and therefore we need to understand why it exists, both in a pure state and in an error-based state as well. [00:02:05.10]

2. Soul creation and incarnation

We've discussed with you how God, who has masculine and feminine qualities, created all of these little tiny beings called souls, both halves of which have masculine and feminine qualities; there's a wide variety of masculine and feminine qualities in the soul. Some of the entire souls are dominantly masculine and some are dominantly feminine, and they split. Every soul splits into two in the process of individualisation. If we choose a heterosexual soul, we have one half and the other half. They split and when we say 'split' one half always leaves first, and then they come into a body.

Let's say it was the male who did that, and then the male is attracted to two bodies that are created for it. A spirit body and a physical body are created for it at the time of conception. The soul then envelops those bodies and remains connected to those bodies for its entire lifetime while it's developing on Earth. It then releases the physical body and then there's a period of time all the way through the spirit world up until the soul union condition, which we'll talk about in a second, where it can release its spirit body. So the souls then join back together.

Souls split in two and each join with two bodies, the physical body (PB) and spirit body (SB), when they incarnate

The spirit and physical bodies are a necessary part of the half of the soul while the soul hasn't joined with its other half. In other words the soul senses, which are all these feelings that are absorbed from the universe, even the sense of sight, taste, touch and all of those other types of senses, not just emotional senses but feeling-based senses; all of them are all funnelled if you like through a cord into the soul. There's the cord that joins the physical and spirit body, and people call that the silver cord. And let's call the cord that joins the spirit body with the soul a golden cord. Through these cords, all of the sensory apparatus of the physical body are a way that the soul then experiences its environment while it's half of a soul.

Now of course the same applies to the female when she incarnates; she's attracted to two female bodies: a spirit body and a physical body. I've illustrated a soul here, in terms of its separation, that has two halves that are relatively equal in its masculine and feminine traits. But if there was a soul that was dominantly masculine and only had a little bit of feminine trait then they would be attracted to two male bodies. And if there was a soul that was dominantly feminine with very little masculine trait as a complete unit, then when it splits it will be attracting two female bodies. So that's the general process of incarnation. [00:05:53.21]

Participant: AJ, where is the soul before it incarnates? And what does it do?

It's in a soul union state. The only time you actually get to see the soul, with your soul eyes if you like, is when you are in a soul union state. So the first time we saw a soul in this union state, before it incarnated, was when we were in a soul union state ourselves.

Mary: Because at this time the soul doesn't actually do anything. It's not aware of itself. It's this process of incarnation into the physical and spirit bodies, or gaining this physical and spirit body, that help the soul begin this process of individuation and understanding that "I am a soul." Before this time, there's no awareness that we exist in this place.

Participant: Does it mean as well that the soul in this unconscious condition is not even aware of God?

That is correct. It's not aware of God in a conscious state. In other words it does have a connection with God, but it is not aware of that connection because it's in an unconscious state. It has yet to actually have a sense of itself and so therefore it has yet to have a sense of the universe in which it lives. If you're not conscious of yourself, how can you then be conscious of anything else? And this is whole process of individualisation, which is what this is all creating. It is the process of becoming aware of yourself and then of course the process of becoming aware of everything else around you as well. [00:07:36.07]

Mary: Including God.

Souls before they incarnate are not self-aware or individualised

Participant: God created the souls, is that right?

Yes.

2.1. God creates everything, including souls, with almost infinite variety

Participant: What purpose did He have, if there was any, to make one soul more dominantly masculine or more dominantly feminine or did this happen by chance, accidentally?

Well, no. Everything that God creates has a huge variety in it. You could liken it to the creation of trees. You imagine for a moment that every single tree that was created happened to be an apple tree. There were no other trees. We would never have any other variety of fruit, we would never have any other variety of joy from all these different trees and what they look like and we would actually be very stuck in a very plain sort of a world. Everything that God does has huge amounts of variety and in fact, universally almost an infinite amount of variety. And it's the same with the soul itself. The whole complete soul has an almost infinite variety of potentialities as to whether it be dominantly masculine, dominantly feminine, and anywhere in between. The reason why God does this is for our enjoyment so that we have more variety and therefore a wider joy of experience. It's actually a gift of love that God creates everything with very, very wide variety and not all the same. Imagine if we were all the same, then basically there would never be any homosexuality on the planet, which would already create a lack of variety amongst our experiences here. God is always giving this gift of almost infinite variety to us to experience. [00:09:32.22]

Mary: Because each soul, even when they're split into, say, a male form and a female form, each have their unique personality. It's like a spectrum of personality and attributes if you like.

Of which the sexual attribute is one.

Mary: And that's something worth pointing out. This sexual attraction, this sexuality part of us is unique. I mean it is an attribute of every soul. And that's why we talk about it under the term the human soul, and specifically in relation to soulmates, because sexuality was created as part of the soulmate relationship of the soul.

Participant: The soul when it is incarnating is completely happy with its own condition...

When you say completely happy it's not even aware of its own condition just before incarnation, because remember it doesn't have any self-awareness yet. It gains self-awareness through the process of incarnation. The soul without awareness is in a pristine condition though. In other words it doesn't have emotional injuries like those that we gain during the process of incarnation, and to be honest we only gain those emotional injuries because of the emotional injuries of the environment into which we're incarnating. If the environment were free of emotional injuries then the soul would go through this beautiful process of becoming self-aware without having to also go through absorbing lots and lots of emotional injuries. [00:11:04.00]

Participant: Yeah, this was going to be my question because sometimes for example if people are bipolar, or if people are just homosexual, they meet a lot of prejudice and a lot of judgement and then it might not be a very happy situation anymore.

All unhappiness on the Earth is created by our emotional injuries. It's not created by love. God creates all these beautiful things from a state of love, creates all this beautiful variety from a state of love, and it's only the environment into which the soul is incarnating, usually through the parent's emotions, that attract judgemental conditions. So you are right, many homosexuals and lesbians in the past have attracted much judgement, and a lot of that is to confront us; we need to be confronted in our concepts of God's variety of creation. Unfortunately for the majority of people on the planet we're very resistive to confronting our belief systems, and God is actually creating variety constantly in order to confront our belief systems, to help us confront the systems of belief that we have. Part of the confrontation is the fact that there are some souls that are homosexual and some souls that are lesbian. From God's perspective it's not really homosexual or lesbian either; it's not really a label like that, which we'll discuss in a minute. [00:12:37.05]

We'll talk about the pure soulmate attraction in a minute. The reality is that when it does attract the bodies it attracts two female or two male bodies and therefore we view it here on Earth as a homosexual or lesbian relationship. But the reality is that every relationship God created is actually a soulmate relationship. In other words, God doesn't differentiate between a homosexual soulmate relationship, a lesbian soulmate relationship or a heterosexual soulmate relationship. To God they are all just one thing and that is a soulmate relationship. That's all. The two halves of the soul slowly joining together. In the spirit world in particular there are no labels like that. [00:13:23.00]

Mary: There's no preference in our pure state; it's not that I prefer men or I'm attracted to men. In my pure state I'm attracted to my soulmate.

Who happens to be male.

Mary: It is a male. However I could be what the world would label homosexual but in my pure state I would only have an attraction to my soulmate who happens to be female.

Yeah, we wanted to talk more about that as an introduction, going through this process of what sexual attraction is all about.

2.2. Un-incarnated souls are perfected in natural love but not self-aware

Participant: Going back to the pristine soul, I'm a bit confused as to whether the pristine soul is in a sixth sphere state or a 22nd sphere state?

Well you would say that it's in a 6th sphere state. But in terms of the first time you can actually view it, you have to be in a 22nd sphere condition to see it because the only way to see the soul is in that unified state.

Mary: But I understand you're saying because they're in a unified state. There are many differences but in the 6th sphere state we're perfected in natural love, the capacity for love that God has placed in us for other people. In the 22nd sphere state, we've fully individuated ourselves, we've recognised God, we've longed to God for Love, and we've received that personally. We've also dealt with all of the injuries that were created through our incarnation that blocked us to our soulmate, and we've reached union in a conscious way.

The un-incarnated souls are not conscious of their own union.

Mary: So they're not conscious of themselves; they're not conscious that "I'm half of a soul." As we're all finding out, these are things we discover after incarnation and the only similarity is that they are unified, but that's just because God creates all of us in this unified state.

So you could say that the un-incarnated soul is the real self; the two halves unified is the complete self. At the moment you are just one half of your complete self. But you are one half of your complete self that is slowly gaining awareness, and one of the awarenesses you're gaining is the awareness that somewhere out there is the other half of yourself. That's one of the awarenesses through this process of individualisation; that's one of the awarenesses that we eventually gain, that we actually have the other half somewhere. [00:16:08.05]

Now many people who are on the Earth don't have that awareness and this is one of the things we wanted to talk about with sexual attraction. Also most spirits don't have that awareness until they reach the 5th sphere, or the 5th dimension in the spirit world. That's when they begin gaining a much greater awareness that there is another half of themselves. That's generally what happens. Now on Earth we can gain that awareness at a very, very early stage if we desire to but the problem historically is that the awareness hasn't been present, and so the majority of us don't really understand what's going on with regard to soulmate attraction.

2.3. Differences between reincarnation and incarnation

Participant: As I have understood it, your soul is in union on the soul plane, even if you have reincarnated and is now in the spirit and physical body. Is that the same with us?

No, there is a difference between a person who's reincarnated and a person who is in their first incarnation. In the reincarnation condition there is attenuation between the connection of the soul and the new bodies that have been created. In the original incarnation, so for my and Mary's first incarnation, which was 2000 years ago, what happened for us was the same as yourself; in that condition you are completely connected to your bodies. At that first moment of conception, when the two bodies are created, your soul is completely enveloping those two bodies. The soul's power is actually what maintains the bodies and keeps them alive; that's what keeps the bodies continuing to stay alive. And so for the first incarnation you don't have an attenuated connection between your soul and your bodies. [00:18:19.29]

For myself and Mary it's very different. It's the same kind of thing in terms of dealing with emotions because we still have to deal with emotions, but for us we're dealing with emotions for a different reason than you are. The reason you're dealing with emotions is that there are injuries inside of you that have been absorbed right from the moment of conception that prevent your soul from growing and therefore prevent your soul from growing in love, and prevent your soul from conceptualising love and conceptualising truth. It's a process of learning for the first time.

For the reincarnated soul it's a little different. The process when you incarnate is basically that your 22nd dimension union soul is now over-cloaking four bodies, two more spirit bodies and two more physical bodies. And the connection of these bodies to this soul initially has to begin in a very, very slight way so in other words it has to be a very, very minute connection, because in reality a soul in that condition would kill these bodies due to the imperfection in the bodies that were created through the conception and the absorption of emotions from its parents. And so we've got to go through a process of remembering our soul and therefore allowing the memories of that soul to flow into us, into the mind of this spirit body in particular, and then along with that, the way that happens is by letting the emotions of each memory be triggered.

While we still have to do emotional processing in the same manner that you do, the emotions are going to be far more intense than what you do to clear emotion, and on top of that they are slowly connecting a bigger pipe, if you like, towards the soul, until eventually the soul will have complete control of these two new bodies. We had to start off with very, very little control over those two bodies because it would damage firstly the parent who was carrying the child and once the child was born it would damage the child if the soul attempted a complete connection. And we have to re-establish that connection through a process.

Now, nobody knew the process before we did it. We had to guess about the process and we've had to find our way through that process, which is very, very different to doing it the first time, in the sense that other people could tell you, "This is the process because we've been through it." But when you're going through a second incarnation, particularly if you're the first people going through it, nobody can actually tell you what to do. It's like you're discovering a whole new thing for the very first time. You could say that from our perspective we're going through an experiment. What you see myself and Mary going through is an experiment whereas what you need to go through, you don't need to experiment with that much because you can have other people tell you, because they have actually been through exactly the same process. [00:21:19.16]

The reality is that Mary and my unified soul is now connected to our bodies but the conduit is very, very weak until this mind, not the brain of the physical body but the mind of the spirit body, is able to even conceive that it has this connection, and is able to allow the memories of this connection to flow to it, which are all emotional. Until then it's going to be totally unaware that it is reincarnated at any point. It's only through this process that it will become aware. So that's why all of the people who've returned at this point have a period of their life where they're totally unaware and the reason for that is that we're incarnating into a first sphere condition on the planet, and so therefore there's a lot of denial of the emotions and memories of the soul. It's totally unaware and then slowly, slowly, slowly it has got to gain awareness, but that is a choice. You have to make that choice individually. I can't make the choice for Mary. Mary can't make the choice for me.

It's impossible for me to go up to somebody and say to Jane, "Oh Jane, you're one of the fourteen", and for it to actually have any effect on Jane. Because the reality is that unless Jane has the memories and unless she has the emotions, unless she has the physical experience and allows this emotional experience, so as she's dealing with emotion, unless these memories come to her, and unless she has the physical experiences that are identical to what the fourteen have, then you can tell a person they're one of the fourteen but it makes no difference. At the end of the day they're going to have to go through an experience to find it out for themselves. [00:23:09.17]

For reincarnated people, the connections between their soul, in the 22nd sphere, and their spirit (SB) and physical bodies (PB) are very weak

There is a big difference if you like between the two parts. The majority of people on the planet are still in their first incarnation and the majority of people in the spirit world are in their first incarnation. Everything that we're discussing really is primarily based around what happens in the first incarnation with regard to sexual attraction in particular.

Very similar principles also exist with regard to sexual attraction to a reincarnated soul in the sense that it's still the emotions that are in each half of the soul that dictate the level of sexual attraction. We'll talk about that as we go through the discussion. [00:23:55.29]

Mary: From our own experience.

2.4. An example of a man having a vision of his pre-incarnated state

Participant: I would like to ask a question regarding a vision I had. I have the feeling that it is my memory but it contradicts what you have said about it. At some point I remember everything was dark and I felt the only way to describe it is like you know during the summer if you sleep outside, a breeze flows over you and you are a little bit cold. It was at that moment I opened my eyes and I saw the Earth from above because I was hovering. And then I just closed them again because I didn't know at that time what the whole thing was but I don't understand how I can remember this because I felt that it was before I incarnated.

Yes, a lot of people feel that they have memories before they incarnated of the incarnation process. And what that is, is spirits in the spirit world telling you what actually occurred during your own incarnation. There are a lot of spirits in the spirit world who want to tell people on Earth the truth about their own incarnation. So they give you a series of pictures and feelings about what the soul felt during the process of the first incarnation. The first incarnation is not traumatic with the exception of when it physically attaches to the physical and spiritual bodies. Before that point it is not traumatic at all, so in other words there is no trauma in the soul from the incarnation process. In the second incarnation there is a lot of trauma in the soul through the incarnation process because the soul is going through an experience of contradiction between a love and truth state and a state of no love and truth, and it is totally self-aware that that is occurring. So mine and Mary's second incarnation felt very different to the first incarnation. The first incarnation we were not conscious of, at all. We investigated it in the spirit world once we passed, or for myself I knew that as I was on Earth in the first century, but you can investigate it once you pass as to what the process was only by observing other people go through the process. [00:27:06.12]

Many spirits observe other people going through the process. They can't see the soul because they're not yet using their soul senses to see, they're still using their spirit body to see. They can't see the soul but they can see the effect it has on the energisation of the two bodies that are being created, and they can feel where the soul's going; where it's coming from, and where it's going through traces of the energy that the soul emits. They can see the effects of the soul, not the soul itself. Actually they see the process of incarnation through the energy fields that the soul emits connecting to the two bodies. If you're a mediumistic person they can show you a picture of that and many people on the Earth have been shown very complete pictures of that entire process. Many people on Earth have then interpreted that as if it was the acknowledgement of their own process and what I'm suggesting to you is that that's not the case. It's just a picture given to you from a spirit of what they have observed in this process in order to demonstrate to people on Earth the truth about the incarnation process. So I don't feel that your experience is contradictory to what's been said, it's just a spirit giving you that information.

Participant: That makes sense because I didn't feel that that it was a lie. I felt happy afterwards for some reason. I didn't have fear. You know how sometimes you have doubt inside you because you know the truth but in this case it was "this is it."

Yeah. The second incarnation and the first incarnations are very different to each other but we want to get back to the sexual attraction part of it, because we can discuss the nuts and bolts of how it all happens as a separate issue. If we can get back to the sexual attraction of it, that would be good because in the end the sexual attraction is very, very similar whether you're coming from a reincarnation or from an incarnation. But like I said the majority of people on the planet are coming from an incarnation, and so therefore we will discuss everything from that point of view if you like. [00:29:36.14]

2.5. There are fourteen people who first chose to reincarnate on Earth

Participant: I think that I have little information about the fourteen; who are these fourteen you're talking about? And were they aware of themselves before you told them that they were one of the fourteen?

Well firstly for the majority of the fourteen I've never told them anything. I've never told them that they're a person who's reincarnated or not. They've had to go through the process of experiencing that themselves. And I only told Mary because she asked. But even the telling of a person is totally immaterial really because at the end of the day the person has to go through their own experience. If Mary wasn't one of the fourteen and I said to Mary, "You're one of the fourteen", she couldn't manufacture all of the emotions and all of the memories of our experience together. It's impossible for her to actually accept she is one without going through a process herself that's totally independent of myself. And that applies to all of the fourteen. [00:30:42.12]

Mary: Are you asking who are the fourteen?

Participant: Yes.

When I referred to the fourteen they are the first seven soul pairs that ever chose to reincarnate from the spirit world onto this Earth. I'm not saying that there aren't other reincarnations occurring onto other planetary systems that are in the universe. But on this particular Earth they were the first seven. There have been others since then I feel, but they are the first seven to have gone through this experience for a purpose. And the purpose is to teach these kinds of principles to mankind, and help mankind understand the entire process of the soul, including understanding and receiving Divine Love.

Now the majority of those fourteen are aware of who they are, but they're in very strong denial of their emotions. So they've gone through a period of realising who they are, but then as soon as they did that they started getting very frightened and as a result of their fear they now turn off the entire process of connecting to their soul. And while they do that there is nothing that really can be done to assist them aside from just reminding them to connect to God and connect to their emotions, but the majority of them of course don't wish to do that at this point. There are only four who are wishing to do that in a more aware state at the moment. [00:32:20.10]

Participant: Four other than you two?

No, four including us two.

Mary: And I was someone who went into a lot of denial about it when I first met AJ. I didn't want to believe it and I tried many other hypotheses to try and discount what I was experiencing.

Mary's first mission was basically to try to convince me that I was wrong.

Mary: Because, "This is really cool but don't be Jesus because that's really scary." That was my basic premise.

So the majority of emotions Mary first had were, "No, that is all incorrect and what you're talking about is wrong and you're not Jesus anyway."

Mary: No, what you're teaching's right...

"What you're teaching's right but you're not Jesus anyway and I'm going to convince you that you're not." That was the general feeling she had.

Participant: Have you got in touch with the other ten?

Yes, through the Law of Attraction I have actually physically met, thirteen of those fourteen. I've personally met thirteen of them. One of them has now passed. But there's one that I have not met.

Mary: That's only twelve, babe, because you're the fourteenth.

Oh yeah sorry! Yeah! (Laughs) Of course I've met myself. Yeah, so I've met twelve of the others but there's one that I have not met, at this point. And I don't believe I'm going to meet that one person soon either because of the location on the Earth where that person lives and the different degrees of separation between myself and herself at this point in time.

When I say degrees of separation do you understand what I mean? Like you know I know you. You know somebody else. They know somebody else. Usually for every person on the Earth they suggest that there's around six degrees of separation basically, where you know someone that knows someone who knows someone six times and eventually you know there is a correlation there between the two people even though they don't know each other. Now, in my case with this particular person, the one person I have not met, I can feel the number of degrees of separation between the people who know her and the people who know those people and so forth, back and to the people who know myself or have heard of myself, and at the moment I can feel that is almost six degrees of separation between the two of us, whereas for all of the others there's no degree of separation at this point.

I can't explain the reason why that's the case, it's just the way it's working and I feel strongly that it's to do with the soulmate. I have met the soulmate of the person, but the soulmate doesn't want to activate his soulmate longing at all. He's totally closed down to doing any emotional work. He's aware of who he is, his name's John the Baptist from the first century, but he has no desire to deal with any emotions. He has no desire to accept any truths. He has no desire to, at this point, connect with Mary and me and talk with us about the process. He has no desire to do any of those things and in particular, he has no desire to connect to his soulmate. So at the moment he is quite separate from his soulmate and that's causing the difficulty for us to connect to her. He has a female soulmate.

2.5.1. One of the fourteen has passed into the spirit world

Participant: Do you know what happened to the one who has passed? I mean if he was in the first sphere again...

When any of the fourteen pass, they will automatically go to the condition that their soul has attracted due to the condition that they were on Earth, and in John's case, it was the apostle John who passed, he arrived in the first dimension of the spirit world, in the first sphere. He had to work through emotions which he worked through quite rapidly because he started remembering his spirit life from the first time quite rapidly, and some of his children from the first century came to speak with him and so forth, and there were a lot of memories that came up as a result. So within a period of three months he was totally aware of who he was, he wasn't in denial anymore about who he was, and then within a period of three years he's now in the seventeenth or eighteenth dimensional space.

Mary: If you think about it, the soul is still in the 22nd sphere and there's this attenuated connection. The only thing that happens when one of the fourteen passes is that the physical body is gone, and the spirit body still has to regain that connection, so it's still the same emotional process.

But it's a faster process because they're now meeting the same people that they remember. It's like you're almost forced into it in the spirit world because there's all these memories. With all your memories, and this applies to whether you're in your first incarnation or not, all of your memories are locked away inside of you until there's a point of contact, until there's a trigger point that actually allows the memory to flow. So even with your own childhood memories, many of your own childhood memories at the moment are completely suppressed and they will remain suppressed until such a time as you have a connection point between the emotions you're denying that hold those memories or that are about those memories and the memories themselves. Once there is a complete openness between the emotion and the memory, then the memory will flow in its complete detail. [00:37:49.01]

So some of you will go for a period of time in your life when you don't remember what you did when you were four years of age for example. And then all of a sudden something will trigger you and now you'll remember because there's a connection point, and it's exactly the same for all of the people who've reincarnated. They have to go through this series of connection points through their experience and then allow the emotions to be present before they will remember, and many of the first fourteen to reincarnate have a deep resistance to doing that process. There's a deep resistance to remembering anything about what or who they were; they are resisting their memories quite strongly. Now in some cases they are accepting their memories, for example John the Baptist is; he accepts many of his memories but he's not processing the emotions. He's not working his way through the issues of love and truth and he's not allowing the memories to change his life. And so nothing can happen until that allowance occurs.

3. Becoming aware of our soulmate

Okay, so that's a summary of the soul's incarnation. "What does that have to do with sex?" is the question. We need to focus now on this particular incarnation process, and what effect that has on sexuality and on sexual attraction. Let's look at a heterosexual couple. Remember they're in their bodies now, but really the bodies are just a little side point to the soul. The soul envelops and covers those bodies; in other words the soul provides the energy for those bodies to exist. And when a person passes, the soul is no longer connected with one of those bodies and therefore the body cannot exist. It's quite simple and from that moment on it'll decay, until eventually it decays to nothing, as does everything in God's universe that doesn't have energy. It decays to another form of energy. It always occurs like that. [00:40:16.10]

The two halves of the soul, with bodies attached to it

Here we have the two halves, with their bodies. The two halves are incarnated, and let's say they're now beginning this process of growing. In other words they're developing, they're absorbing things from the universe and therefore absorbing things from their experience. In other words they're starting to feel things, in particular from other people. But they have other experiences going on as well, and they start developing emotionally as well. They start growing, and during this period of growth, the first few years of growth, there isn't very much of a focus on connection with the other half of themselves because they're still discovering themselves. There's very little connection with the other half of yourself, with the exception of energy flowing between the two halves of the soul. In other words if I'm only two years of age, I have a very slightly developed intellect in comparison to when I'm eight years of age. So I have a very slightly developed awareness of myself when I'm two compared to when I'm seven and in comparison to when I'm twenty. In that very slight condition of personal awareness when I'm two years of age, it's very, very hard for me then to become aware even with an intellectual concept of some kind that I have another half, and to be aware of where that other half is. [00:42:07.12]

Participant: Are the souls aware of the other half, even though the two bodies may not be?

Yes. The soul is aware of the other half and this is the interesting thing; because of the multigenerational injuries, there is very, very little awareness of soulmates on the planet. The average person who is incarnated on to this planet, firstly conceived and then born, absorbs the belief systems of its parents very, very rapidly, and almost all parents on the planet have the belief system that you can connect to anybody. They believe that there are lots of people you could spend the rest of your life with. It's just a choice. This belief system influences the intellect of the spirit body's mind of the child, and so therefore from a very young age it feels quite unknowing of a potential connection between itself and its other half.

Mary: It's already blocked.

It's blocked to the connection through the emotional impact of the parents. But the two halves themselves can still have information flowing between them. And often that will remain for their entire life no matter how much they're denying it in their minds. There is this thing that can happen all through your life actually, where you sometimes have this really strange feeling that something's happening to someone else and you don't even know that other person, let alone know what's happening to them, but it's something not very nice. You know in other words there are these feelings of what the Apostle John would call discombobulating! (Laughs)

Mary: An unsettled feeling.

An unsettled feeling inside of yourself, and not understanding any reason why you feel so unsettled or anything like that. But the reality is that often it's the other half of yourself that's quite unsettled or going through some pain or suffering. And one half, your half, is feeling that. So yes, there is an energy flow of information and emotions and feelings to the other half of the soul, and that will always be the case. However, the more intellectually shut down we become, the more our soul becomes like a dried out prune. If you could think about it as "I'm shutting down myself, shutting down my desires, shutting down my passions, shutting down love." This is something that happens throughout our life generally, and what happens is this soul, instead of looking like a soul, is now looking like this withered up prune. That's what it looks like, with very little energy coming out of it. And because there's very little energy coming out of it to anything, there is also very little energy coming out of it to its other half. Its other half may be in a pristine condition, but the shrivelled half would not feel very much of the other half in that condition.

There is always energy flowing between soulmates, but when a soul half is shrivelled it reduces its ability to feel the other half

3.1. Questions from a spirit about reincarnation and differences in the spirit body

Participant: Yeah the spirit who asked the question has passed, and on Earth he actually had tendencies towards both sexes but he's sexually confused. He wanted to know about himself. When he passed he became aware that he was just a male and not who he believed he was, a female. So he's really confused.

There is a lot of sexual confusion not only on Earth but also in the spirit world and we want to discuss why that is the case as part of this discussion today.

Participant: He also wanted to know about the differences in the quality of love between the soul when they're incarnated to the quality of love that you guys have. Is it just quantity of love that you receive, or is it that your soul grows in a way that is different?

Well no, because before you can reincarnate you've got to go through union. To go through the union you've got to receive quite a lot of Divine Love, which is very, very different to natural love. The reality is that there will be different qualities. He will see that our spirit body, for instance, does look quite different, even though he can see the injuries in my stomach and he can see the injury across my chest, a bit on my shoulder, and a bit around my throat. He can see those injuries but he can also see behind that and see that the actual chakras of the spirit body are different to a person like yourself. So even though we might be in exactly the same condition of brightness, in terms of our bodies, you can see that there are actually things that are different in each body. When a spirit looks at a reincarnated person, they see a very different person than a person who's in their first incarnation. [00:47:05.13]

Participant: Yeah, I think he was confused in terms of God's Love. Does it have attributes to it?

Yeah.

Participant: He's so confused about the quality of the love that he has received.

When you receive God's Love, it changes, or you could say enhances, many of the attributes of the soul. The natural personality of the soul is enhanced, but also it changes the condition of the spirit body quite markedly. What he observes with his spirit body eyes will be very, very different between a person who's in their first incarnation and a person who's reincarnated. If he has a look at this audience here, can he see that there is a person in the audience with a very similar spirit body to Mary and me even though it's not quite as bright? [00:47:55.28]

Participant: That's what he's attracted to. That's why he's trying to work out why he doesn't have...

So he can see that there's one other person in that state and he's trying to understand why. And that's just a difference between the spirit body of the person who is incarnated for the first time and the spirit body of the person who's reincarnated; the spirit bodies are very different in terms of how they look to another spirit.

As we proceed with the discussion we will answer many of the questions as to why these attractions happen on Earth, such as what's driving attraction on Earth? Why do many people on Earth feel they are attracted to males and females? What is it about bisexuality? Why do many people feel that there is such a thing as bisexuality when obviously, if we're talking about soulmate attraction here, there's only one attraction, not two, so why are many people attracted to both genders and so forth? We can answer all those questions as we proceed. Also, when we pass into the spirit world we still have the same groups of emotional injuries that drove sexual attraction on Earth, and for that reason many spirits who pass into the first to third spheres in the spirit world, they still believe they have attractions in a certain direction, and many times they only discover that they don't once they hit the condition of love with the fourth and fifth dimensional spaces in the spirit world. Many of them before then don't really understand why those attractions exist, and what we want to do today is explain why those attractions exist. [00:49:38.10]

3.2. The withered state of souls prevents awareness

Participant: With the prune of a soul, does that explain why we have so much resistance to actually getting to our emotions in the first place?

Yes. Unfortunately in our first incarnation in particular, because our soul is fully connected to the bodies, we are very much going to absorb the environmental conditions that the soul has incarnated into. And as result of this absorption, which happens very, very rapidly, we learn to shut down emotional pathways in our soul quite rapidly. Due to the belief systems in getting feelings of approval from parents and so forth, we also shut down many of the truths that our soul could be aware of quite rapidly as it gains self awareness. Unfortunately even the discovery of those truths get shut down as well and so we finish up in the process of incarnation sort of even being born in a withered state from a soul perspective and then of course that withered state usually grows. It's very rare for the withered state to actually be released. The withered state actually usually grows. In other words our soul shrinks as our growth in the physical continues, because our environment projects more and more and more and more at us, that we are still trying to maintain and eventually we get into addictions, we start closing down desires.

In the spirit world the most difficult soul to help have an awareness, is the soul that has no desires. In other words it went through life in a very laissez faire sort of way in the sense that it went through life not really making choices, not really making decisions, letting other people dictate its life. And when that kind of a person passes in the spirit world, they often have a very, very small bit of soul energy. It's sometimes better on Earth to exercise your soul in an actively, negative way, or an actively positive way. In other words to either be hot or cold, but not to be lukewarm because it's the people who are lukewarm that often take the longest in the spirit world to actually open up and change. That withered state is a very hard state in which to even determine any truth about yourself, let alone the truth about your sexual attractions.

4. God's perspective of sexual attraction

Mary: It'd be great if we talked about how God created this system in a pure way, because we're going to talk a lot about the injuries but it gets really heavy if we don't see the beautiful picture that God actually created.

So let's do that.

Mary: So, how does soul attraction, sexual attraction, work from God's perspective?

In reality, from God's perspective there really isn't such a thing as sexual attraction in the sense that you can be attracted to any person of the opposite gender. The reality from God's perspective is that there is only this thing that attracts the two halves of the soul, in other words what you would call the soulmate attraction. We could call that soul attraction. In its pure state, the only person that you would ever be sexually attracted to all of your life would be the other half of yourself, in other words, your soulmate. You would never actually feel a feeling of sexual attraction to any other person. [00:53:29.16]

You could have a hundred women all lined up naked, your soulmate lined up among those naked woman, and if you're a male, and you have a heterosexual attraction, if you're in a pure state none of those naked women would ever cause you to have any sexual feelings whatsoever. But as soon as you're opposite your soulmate, immediately you'd have an erection! That's how it would be. It would be pure to the point that it wouldn't matter what condition those other women were in, how beautiful they were physically, how attractive they were, or anything like that would not make any difference to your sexual response because your sexual response would only be dependent upon your soulmate response. In other words you could only ever have a sexual attraction to the other half of yourself. No other person. That's what God created it to be in the pure state. In that state we could all live naked and never have any sexual response to anybody else except to the other half of ourselves, which is in fact the way God created it to be on the planet.

Mary: And, babe, how did God create this? God created us to incarnate and individuate, but God has designed certain things that cause the attraction between the halves of the soul.

Yeah.

Mary: Can you talk about that a bit?

5. The three things that create attraction between soulmates

There are three primary things that we need to focus on with the attraction between the two halves of the soul. These primary things you already know about actually. That's a blessing, that you already know them.

5.1. Truth

The first thing that causes a huge sexual attraction between the two halves of the soul is truth. Even when only one half of these two halves get into a condition where they begin facing their truth, and I'm not talking about intellectual truth here, I'm talking about actually feeling the truth about things, all of a sudden the other half, no matter what its condition, will be sexually attracted to that half. When I say sexually attracted, it will feel a draw and a desire to be with the person who's in the condition of truth. [00:56:03.02]

Mary: If it's the masculine half of the soul, its condition of truth about, "What is my true soul condition right now? What is it I'm really feeling?"

What is my personality? What are my desires? It would know the truth of all those things, and the more it knows the truth of all those things, the stronger attraction there is on its mate. No matter what its mate's condition, it will be drawn. And it might not even like many of the things that it sees, but it will still be drawn. It basically can't help itself but be drawn to the other half through this aspect of truth.

Mary: And that's what happened with us. (Laughs) AJ was fully living in the truth of his identity, his passions and desires, he was facing a lot of emotional truth constantly about himself, and I felt compelled towards this man. But I also felt like, "No I don't like this about him, and I really don't like this, and I don't want this kind of life," but I couldn't stay away.

There are times when Mary left and went away, and even during those times her life became more tumultuous because she would feel like, "I have to go back," just this feeling of being drawn back. And that happens through truth. If I had stayed in a condition of error, not facing my own identity, not facing my personality, who I am, what I desire, what I long for, and I shut down all of those things, now Mary's part of the soul cannot feel any of that. And unless Mary's part of the soul enabled all of those things, I wouldn't ever have been drawn to her and therefore we would never find each other as a result. [00:57:55.04]

So truth is a major part of the soul opening to its other half. Without truth, you cannot open to your other half. Now if you think about it, this relates a lot to a normal relationship. In a normal relationship we cover truth over quite frequently; for example we say, "I don't want to say that because I'll hurt them, I don't want to say that because they'll be angry with me, I don't want to say that because they'll feel bad about themselves," and so forth. We have a whole list of unwritten rules that we make so that we don't tell the truth to each other.

Now what I'm suggesting is that if you're still very attracted to your partner, but you don't tell them the truth, then it can only be co-dependent addictions that are attracting you to each other, not a soulmate attraction. By the way, two halves of the soul can live in co-dependent addiction with each other, without actually knowing that they're soulmates. It's possible to live together in that state as soulmates, not even knowing that you're soulmates until you deal with the co-dependent addictions. But it's truth that actually shatters all co-dependent addictions. It's truth that actually destroys all sympathetic attractions, which we'll talk about in a minute. [00:59:21.06]

5.2. Desire

The second thing is desire. How can the other half of you feel you when you are shutting yourself down? If you're shutting down your desires and passions, in other words, your real self, how is it ever going to be possible that the other half of your real self will ever discover you? No matter what their condition is, it's impossible. So we need to learn to connect to desire. I'm not just talking about sexual desire, I'm talking about all forms of desire. We do need to connect to our sexual desire, but we also need to connect to all other forms of desire and passion. In other words, you need to allow yourself to personally discover and connect to and passionately embrace all the desires and passions that are a part of your personality. When you embrace those things passionately, the other half of your soul will feel you. When you try to shut those things down, and you don't embrace them passionately, the other half of your soul will not be able to feel you.

5.3. Love

The third, obviously, is love.

Soul attraction is based on truth, desire and love

When we talk about love, we're not talking about co-dependent sympathetic addictions, or expectations and demands. You see in many relationships today, what we see happening is that I might have a demand coming out of me: please cook my dinner. That's my demand. The woman who's willing to cook my dinner, I feel loves me. The woman who's not willing to cook my dinner, I feel doesn't love me. I will basically base my decision upon that demand being met as to whether she loves me or not. Now, is love dependent on whether the person cooks my dinner or not? Obviously not. But it's amazing how many times we feel that. You could be in a relationship and come home after a hard day's work and find the other person spent the whole day by the pool, and hasn't cooked your dinner, and see what you feel? Many of us feel very upset in that place because we do have a feeling inside of our soul that love would mean that she would have cooked our dinner for us. That's just one thing.

Now love is not the same as demand. It's not demands. It's not expectations and it's not addictions. Unfortunately for many relationships today, the whole relationship is based upon demands, expectations and addictions; I will meet your demands as long as you meet my demands. I will meet your addictions as long as you meet my addictions. I will meet your expectations as long as you meet my expectations. I will have feelings transmitted to you that I love you as long as you make me feel safe and secure and supported and so forth. But as soon as you make me feel unsafe and insecure and unsupported, I then feel you don't love me. In other words our definitions of what love is will drive the attraction. Now, if one soul half is in a more pure state of love, in other words they don't have demands, they don't have expectations, and they don't have addictions with the opposite gender, the opposite gender will be more attracted, and in particular the soulmate half will be more attracted to them as a result. [01:03:30.18]

Participant: I think I heard you say that if there is no expectation coming from the one person, the other half's love or attraction will be stronger.

Yes, as long as the other is not in co-dependent addictions too because if the other has a co-dependent addiction then of course there will still be a block. Let's say Mary's worked through her emotions and she no longer has a feeling that to be a good woman she has to cook a meal for a man. Let's say she's worked through that and she doesn't feel that anymore, but I still feel like a good woman will always cook me a meal when I come home from work. Now Mary's worked through her blockage about it, in other words she no longer believes that she has to do that for the man, but my still having the expectation is going to affect our joining because I'm going to then believe she doesn't love me, and if I believe she doesn't love me then I probably won't want to be with her.

5.4. Developing in truth, love and desire draws the soul halves together

Mary: And perhaps this is what I wanted to get to; the more the half of the soul develops in these three things, truth, desire and love, the more there's a drawing together of the soul halves, and that's part of God's process to confront the error in the other half the soul.

I think it's important to see that what Mary's saying is that there is an attraction; the two halves of the soul will be attracted to each other, not necessarily sexually at this point, but if they were in truth, desire and love and perfect in that, they would also be attracted sexually of course. So it depends whether we're comparing a perfect thing, where we've released all of our emotion, or we're talking about the imperfect thing. Now what I'm saying is that if you're perfectly in truth, perfectly in desire, perfectly in love, and at that point you would probably be at-one with God, then at that point the other half of your soul will be drawn to you; not necessarily sexually attracted at this point, but will be magnetically, as Mary said, drawn to you. [01:06:44.23]

Mary: And perhaps I just wanted to talk about what God has created in the soulmate relationship because remember the other half of your soul is the other half of you. So you're very matched in terms of your passions and desires, your loves, your creativity, what you would most like to do with this individuation that you've been given. And when you come together without injury, there's eventually a complete merging back into one soul. But before then, there's this beautiful experience of the sharing of love "energy", for want of a better word, a part of which is unique and sexual for that person.

But the sexual aspect is only a part.

Mary: It's a part of this beautiful connection that can exist and it's like a flow of emotion, a flow of energy, between the two halves.

Being open to truth, love and desire allows energy flow between soul halves and creates the soul attraction

In other words if Mary activates her desires strongly, I will actually not only feel more strongly attracted to her generally, but I'll be attracted to the fact that she now has these desires, because if I'm activating my desires, I can feel, "Ah, her desires and my desires are pretty much identical to each other," and that then is of course going to cause an attraction. But on top of that, if I'm clear emotionally, it will open up different parts of my body and cause me to feel a stronger sexual attraction for Mary as well. We'll talk about the relationship between these other attractions and sexual attraction as we go. [01:08:34.16]

Mary: And what it feels like to me, when you're talking about the demands, expectations and addictions, very often even if the couple are two halves of the one soul, it feels to me like it's almost like the facade self. There's this murky division between us where we're just wanting, "You make me feel good about this injury, I'll make you feel good about that one," and it's not even a connection between the souls. It's a connection to help us avoid our souls.

It's a connection between the fake selves, not the real selves. Remember the soul is the real self that God created and the fake selves are the selves that we create in order to avoid the pain of what our parents created, which is a long way separate from what God created. The true attraction between soulmate halves is based on what God created, inside of these souls; the personality and nature of these souls.

Mary: And so even the most fantastic relationship we feel we're in, or we've ever had right now, in comparison to this beautiful connection and sharing and openness, joy, sexual union, this flow between two individuals, this thing that we think is the best thing we've ever had, doesn't compare at all to the beauty that comes from this open space of feeling your true perfect mate.

Let's say you're a couple who are not soulmates, but let's say you're drawn together, even if you're in a perfect condition of love, even if you're both at-one with God, in harmony with truth, desire and love. I would suggest to you if you were doing those things you probably wouldn't be in a relationship, but let's say you were still in a relationship with a person sexually. In fact I feel personally that that's impossible and I have never ever seen anybody in the last two thousand years of my existence in that state, but if that could be the case, each half of the soul would have completely different desires. They have a completely different personality, because they are belonging to a different couple altogether. Their soulmate is somebody else. And as a result of that, to stay in the relationship they'd have to overlook the fact that they have completely different desires and they have completely different passions, and they have a completely different measure of truth inside of them. Every soul, even in its pristine state, has completely different aspects of its personality, and as a result of that, there's an automatic gradual separation of the couple as they grow towards God if they are not soulmates. There's going to be an automatic separation of the couple. [01:11:32.01]

Now in the first century I was asked the question, "A woman had seven partners while she was on Earth. She was married seven times; which one of those men would she stay with then, if she was in the spirit world?" And I said, "None of them potentially, because she would become like the angels in the spirit world." And what I meant was, she would become only attracted to her soulmate, whoever that might be, and whoever that might be might not be any of those seven men. And therefore she would be with none of them. That's what I meant in that discussion. The reality is that unless we engage these things inside of ourselves, how can we ever attract the other half of ourself? It's very, very difficult to attract the other half of ourselves.

Mary: But the beautiful thing is that as we do, it will happen naturally.

It will happen automatically.

Mary: God created this process so that you would find your soulmate, and as long as you engage these things, you're going to find them.

As we've mentioned earlier, there is energy flowing between the two soul halves, even in an unconscious state. So the reality is that your soul and your own mate are aware of each other at some level. The key is for you now to become aware in your mind as well as in what's going on between you emotionally. And this is something that is going to require these three things, truth, desire and love, to be activated in you. Now this is the reason why most people never find their soulmates until they enter the fifth sphere of the spirit world; because in the third sphere they've learnt the lessons of truth generally, in the fourth sphere they've learnt the lessons of desire, completely. They're in their desires and passions by this stage. And they've obviously received a lot of love at this point from God if they're progressing on the Divine Love Path, but they're obviously in a lot of love if they're on the Natural Love Path as well, and because of those three things being activated they usually draw their soulmate to them by the time they enter the fifth sphere of the spirit world. [01:13:42.15]

Now on Earth we don't have to wait that long. We can attract our soulmate at any point in time in our progress, but of course we do need to address these issues in a pure way before we're even going to know who our soulmate is.

5.4.1. Every soul has different characteristics and personality

Now it's interesting because every soul has a signature of itself. When I say a signature, I'm talking about all of these aspects that make up your characteristics and personality. You could say that every single soul has its own individual characteristics and personality and attributes. When you get to a condition where you're open emotionally to feeling these things, you can go up to a person and go, "Wow, that person feels very much like that person over there" and you start seeing the linkage.

Myself and Mary, we often meet people who are in different relationships, or not in relationships at all, and we go, "Yeah those two are soulmates," but we don't tell them, we just let them work through the emotions that they need to work through before they become aware of it themselves. Because you can actually feel the character or nature of each person's soul once you become emotionally open to doing that, and you can feel the differences in the character and nature of each person's soul. When two people feel identical in their nature, even though they may be in a different form physically, one might be in a male body and another one in a female body, you go, "Whoa! These are probably soulmates." You can feel the signature if you like of their soul.

5.5. Facing personal truth involves discovering both our good and bad aspects

Participant: When you said that when one half of the soul faces the truth about itself, does that mean all the injuries and the addictions? What exactly do you mean by that?

Not just the injuries and addictions. Also its pure personality, so in other words the half of the soul needs to come to allow itself to discover itself. This is where desire and passions are a very big part of that as well, in terms of "What is the truth of my nature? What kind of things do I really enjoy compared to what my parents told me I should enjoy," for example? "What kind of things do I really love compared to what my parents told me I should love? What kind of things do I really have a passion for compared to what my environment tells me I should have a passion for?" [01:16:26.27]

Mary: Naturally in that process you're actually facing your addictions, your injuries and all that stuff.

When you face these truths inside of yourself you automatically face the addictions. Automatically. And because of that, you now are in this space of truth, desire, and love, and because you're in that space, your own soul is now feeling itself. Remember I said earlier that if you can't feel yourself, how can another person feel you easily, particularly if the other person's shut down towards themselves too? Well it's very difficult. But if you can now feel yourself and you activate yourself, and when you feel and stay in your passions and desires, what effect does that have on everyone around you? Everyone around you feels like they know you better and that they can feel you, they can feel these things coming out of you, therefore there's a feeling of recognition that they have of you; they can feel your passions and desires. Now that applies very much to your soulmate of course. So your soulmate feeling you is a powerful thing! If you're not feeling you, then how can your soulmate feel you easily? It's pretty hard. It's pretty hard for the soulmate to do that. [01:17:46.08]

So far we've talked about the actual process of incarnation, and how joining or attraction occurs between the two halves of the soul if they're in a state of perfection. We've also talked about how the truth, desires and love are the things to activate within yourself, whether you're in error or not, if you want to draw your soulmate to you. But we've yet to discuss sexual attraction. We've discussed these principles but we've yet to discuss sexual attraction. We now need to put sexual attraction together with these other principles.

6. Sexual attraction is created by energy flow between chakras

Mary: We were going to talk about sexy feelings and chakra openings.

6.1. Chakras are energy systems of our body

Many of us are aware that in our first incarnation in particular we have seven primary chakra points. Chakras are energy systems of our body. Our body has all this energy flowing through it, and where the crossover of energy occurs, they're called our chakras. I think there are 192 points of crossover where the major chakra points are. [01:19:27.08]

There's the base chakra, then there's the second chakra, there's the third chakra, there's the heart, our fourth chakra, our throat, our fifth chakra, our third eye chakra, our sixth chakra and then our crown chakra, our seventh chakra. Each person has those.

There are seven major chakras in the human body

If they're operating perfectly, they're like a funnel of energy coming in and flowing out of your body, and they rotate in a clockwise direction. They also come out the back of your body; they come out of the back and the front of your body. For example my third chakra would be like a funnel of energy coming out of both the back and the front of my body. Now the back is more to do with intentions, in other words what you're going to do in the future or what you feel you want to do in your future life. And coming out the front is your current state or your current condition, in other words what you are involved in right now. One is your future intentions or your feelings of intention about a certain thing, and the other is the actual feelings you have right now about that particular thing. For that reason you can have a different state at the same chakra. You can have that one open and that one closed. You can have that one operating in the reverse direction and this one operating in the right direction. You can have all sorts of things happening as a result of the two states. But let's simplify and just look at the front, in terms of our current state, because it's our current state that generates or determines most of what happens in terms of attractions between the two people. [01:21:43.16]

6.2. Sexual attraction for an uninjured person

Mary: Can we talk about what it's like if we were not emotionally injured? What would happen sexually?

What would happen in a non-injured state is that every one of these chakras would be completely open and working perfectly. And I would have no sexual feelings whatsoever for any single person other than my soulmate.

Mary: How does that happen on a chakra level, babe?

It's a really important point. Imagine these chakras are like conduits of energy. They're like vortexes entering or leaving the body; you've got all these vortexes going into the body.

Chakras are like vortexes of energy entering and leaving the body

Now, if I know myself completely, and I know my desires and passions but in particular I know who I am, I know I have a sense of who I am and everything, then that means my second chakra will be operating perfectly. There will be no problems with it at all. By the way it's not a simple matter to have the chakra rotating in the right direction, there are 192 points of energy crossing this chakra, and every one of those points of energy would need to be operating in the right direction for that to occur. So that's how that chakra is going to be very, very open. So, if I know myself completely, if I come across and I see a woman there who doesn't know herself completely, could I be attracted to her? And the answer is quite easily no. I can't even be attracted to her. I can love her in the sense of care for her and the state she's in, and have compassion for her, but I can't actually feel an attraction for her. [01:24:00.11]

Mary: You wouldn't feel any sexual attraction at all?

I wouldn't feel any sexual attraction for her as a result.

Participant: But if she was your soulmate?

If she were your soulmate, you would still not feel a strong sexual attraction for her, but you would know she's your soulmate because you have already worked out who you are, and therefore it's easy for you to recognise the other half of yourself. You might not feel drawn to her, in other words you're not drawn to her injury, you're no longer feeling sexual feelings because of her having injuries, but you'll actually feel her real condition because you know yourself, and you're recognising yourself in the other half of you.

Mary: Do you think it's true? Because you're sexually attracted to me, babe. I know! (Laughs) And I certainly have a lot of injury in this second chakra area.

Yeah.

Mary: Would you say that our sexual union or matching would not be complete or in full intensity until I work through those issues in the second chakra region?

Definitely cannot be.

Mary: But you would still have an attraction for me.

6.2.1. Sexual attraction is the result of energy flow through your own body

Well let me talk about how attraction actually works. It doesn't actually work by the other person's emotion. It works when the other person's emotion affects yours in such a way that there's a connection of energy flow and then energy flows through you, through yourself. It's your own energy you're actually feeling that's sexual in nature, not the other person's. [01:25:38.05]

Mary: You need to explain that a bit more.

How can I explain this in a way that's easy to understand?

Mary: Do you want to use an injured example then?

6.3. Sexual attraction between injured people

If we use an injured example it's sometimes easier to explain.

6.3.1. The example of a needy man and a dominating woman

Let's say instead of being completely open with the second chakra, in other words everything being right with that chakra, I have a feeling of neediness directed out of me towards a woman. The feeling in my childhood that I'm probably denying is an emotion that my mother never really cared about me, never hugged me, I never really felt love from her, I always felt like my mother didn't like men and so therefore I feel like she doesn't like me. And instead of being angry with my mother about that, I decided that the best way to handle that emotionally is to try hard to get her approval all the time. In other words I'm now needy for the woman's attention and approval. Where I haven't healed this area of myself, I have a needy feeling going towards the woman that's coming out of me from the second chakra area.

Now let's say the woman is very similar to my mother in that she has very similar emotions coming out of her that my mother had. In other words she's angry with men, she feels like she wants to dominate a man and she wants a needy man to control. That's what she wants. So now she and I will be able to have a flow of energy through this second chakra. Because this energy is now flowing, even though it's flowing because of an error, I will now feel a sexual attraction for this person because the energy between the two of us is flowing, and as a result my own energy is flowing through me.

Sympathetic injuries in a man and a woman create energy flow between the second chakras and a sexual attraction in the man, resulting from energy flow through the man (indicated by downward arrows)

6.3.2. Greater energy flow between chakras due to sympathetic injuries creates greater sexual attraction

You see every time a part of your body is blocked, from an emotional or energetic point of view the flow of your own energy does not occur. But as soon as we engage a person with a sympathetic injury, the flow of energy through yourself will occur, which will have the effect of opening up the first two chakras, which are basically the sexually motivated chakras of our body. And now these two chakras are open because of the flow of energy that I've got happening. With both people in error it causes a flow between the chakras and it's now causing a flow in me. So now I'm feeling sexual arousal due to the flowing of energy between myself and this other person. I'm now feeling my own sexual arousal. The other person may not even be aware of it but I will feel it. [01:28:46.22]

Sexual attraction results from energy flow between the lower two chakras, creating energy flow down through the man

Mary: It's very likely though that if these injuries are complementary, we'd think this is the best love affair ever; we're definitely soulmates and we can't get out of bed; because if our injuries are so complementary, it causes the flow of energy that's been blocked up and problematic for ages to open, and we feel this huge flow of sexual energy that we think is desire for the other person.

Now, the reality is that if only one of these chakra points open, we will already feel a level of sexual attraction. The person can be 90 years old and I can be 20 and I'll feel it. It doesn't matter about age or anything else. It doesn't matter how they look. They can look pretty or ugly. It doesn't matter, I'll still feel it. There will still be this feeling that's generated and therefore that will affect how I feel and that will then motivate my choices and decisions.

Now, imagine if two of these chakras were out of harmony with each other but in sympathetic attraction, and the flow of energy between those two is now occurring. [01:29:53.12]

Mary: For example as a woman I could have lots of sexual shame. I feel icky because something happened in my childhood and I feel my sexuality is dirty and I'm yuk, and he's a man who doesn't have any sexual shame. He feels like he can doing anything sexually and it doesn't bother him at all.

In other words he's quite shameful how he uses his sexuality. The woman would then feel very comfortable with him. He's not going to shame her. Now we've got two chakras that are totally open, with the feelings flowing from the top to the base through ourselves. How strong is our sexual desire going to be now for that person? Much stronger you see. Now imagine if there were three or four; it is highly irregular by the way on the planet to have that many totally open in an injury state to each other, but imagine if there were three or four. It would be such an overwhelming feeling, wouldn't it?

Mary: That we'd say it's not just sexual attraction, it's love.

Having more energy flow between chakras due to sympathetic injuries creates more attraction and a feeling of "love"

"It's love and she's my soulmate or he's my soulmate." For example I'm a woman who doesn't want to speak up because I'm afraid of men and I'm afraid of being shamed or humiliated, and I attract a man who's very willing to speak up in every situation and take care of all of those things, and who feels that a woman needs to be kept quiet anyway...

Mary:... then I'll be happy.

Another attraction. Can you see that the more injury attractions I have, the more of the injuries that I have that are sympathetic with the other person, the stronger the feeling is? The stronger the bond is. And that's the problem with sexual attraction on the planet. That's the problem. We're often in co-dependent sympathetic injuries and the injuries are so intense that both parties are denying them and when we do feel an attraction we're not going, "Wow, what injury's causing this attraction?" We're going, "Wow, it's a pure relationship." [01:32:09.27]

7. Spirits can influence sexual attraction in injured people

Now, on top of that, let's say that we have a large degree of connection with a group of spirits on our 6th chakra. In other words I'm a male in this case and I have a huge group of male spirits with me who are sexually dominant, in fact many of them might have even raped or been sexually abusive while they were on Earth. Let's say I've now got a connection with them. How would I generate a connection with them? I might be afraid of them, for example, or I may feel like I actually feel powerless without them. In other words I want the feeling of power and control they give me. Imagine that. Now I've got spirits who can share in this flow of sexual energy passing through me when these things open. What are those spirits going to want to do? They're going to want to find a woman with a co-dependency and also sympathetic addictions that will open me up by being with her so they can now share in my sexual experience.

Spirits can attach via the sixth chakra and share the sexual experience

Now I not only have the complexity of dealing with my own unhealed emotions, but I'm actually supporting the unhealed emotions of a group of spirits with me who are looking at the women and going, "There's one, there's one." They're pointing them out to this man and he's drawn to look; they're pointing out to this man the women who he can get into bed through their co-dependent addiction-based injuries. So now we have a group of spirits influencing and sharing, like vampires, in the sexual feelings that are passing through this man, and they are setting up his love life for him. They are now actually pointing out the women and he's drawn to those particular women as a result. They're pointing out the women with whom he feels an attraction and the reason is that they wish to share in this flow of energy that's flowing through him. [01:34:30.08]

Or there might be women spirits with the woman, wishing to share in the flowing of energy through her, or even male spirits with her wanting to share the flow of energy through her, and so they cause her to feel, "He's the man. He's the person that I want to be with." Can you see now it's getting quite complex in terms of attraction? This is where sexual attraction has now become so muddy, and how do we even know what's going on? How do we know whether it's our own attraction, or another person's attraction? And this is where much confusion results, where we have women spirits with us, men spirits with us. Usually most people have both genders with them due to the different injuries involved.

7.1. Spirit influence can create confusion in sexual preferences

If I'm a woman and I had a group of men or women spirits with me who were attracted to men, my energy is going to flow even more when a man is on the other end of this energy flow, even though a man's not my soulmate. The openness and the emotions involved and the spirit influence involved will cause me to feel an attraction to the male. Automatically. So I can even be confused about what gender my soul is actually attracted to in that state.

Therefore we have a lot of sexual attraction confusion, and many people feel like they're bisexual as a result because they have both sets of injuries. For example, as a male I might be very, very angry with my father and very considerate of my mother. And if I then have a group of women with me who feel that I should feel that way, considerate of mum and angry with dad, those women may also then want to hook up sexually with another male. And they can, through the opening of these injuries and sexual feelings flowing through me, cause me to desire a male connection when in reality I am a heterosexual male. So there's lots of confusion that can result through these injuries occurring between the two halves.

Participant: Would you say that the parent's projection is less of a pull on this one, or is it more the spirit influence that makes you do that? As I grew up everybody wanted me to be a boy and so I thought males are better, or could I be attracted to women in the sense I would think women are more beautiful than men?

Well everything is based upon the emotional injuries you absorbed from your parents. Remember the spirit attraction is based upon an emotional injury as well. The sprit attraction is an effect of the underlying cause. And the underlying cause is the unhealed emotion that exists.

Remember that the emotions cause the crossing of energy flows in your body. If you understand that it's the emotion that causes the chakras to operate in any direction, then you understand that each particular emotion can have an effect on the operation of the energy that flows in and out of your body, as well as through your own body. Remember I'm saying to you that sexual attraction is an emotion, it is a feeling that flows through your body, and it is activated by what flows in and out of your body. [01:38:17.01]

Participant: I understand now that the feelings that I had were not mine altogether because it didn't make sense. (The participant's son comes and gives the participant a hug.)

Can I point out to you what happened in this interaction with your son? You feel much shame surrounding sexual attraction; it is still an issue and every time a person talks about sexual attraction you remember some of your past, which you feel ashamed about. Now you don't want to feel that shame; you want to know the information without feeling the shame. And your son Peter always comes to mummy's rescue; whenever Peter feels like, "Mummy wants to avoid an emotion, she needs me now, she needs me now," he comes rushing up as a result. It's good to ask these questions but also to notice how your own shame affects the question in terms of what's going on. [01:39:11.23]

8. Impediments to sexual desire

Participant: I feel resistance to asking this question, but what happens if you start healing some part of this? Because I've been with my partner for 29 years and now I don't have any sexual desire whatsoever, but still there is kind of a bond flowing.

8.1. Anger, fear and shame shut down sexual desire

Can I point out the two main impediments to desire? What are they? What are the main reasons why a person wouldn't feel desire? There's two main reasons.

Mary: Can you think of any Eva?

Participant: Fear.

Fear is the primary one, and anger is another. And of course there's another that's probably fairly dominant as well, which is...

Mary: Shame.

Shame, which is the result of judgement, if you like. Now, those things in particular affect desire.

Fear, anger and shame suppress desire

If you don't feel sexual desire, then something's going on with one of these three things.

Participant: Or all three of them?

Or all three of them, yes. When it comes to healing emotions revolving around the other gender in particular, in terms of attractions, we need to be particularly focused upon the feelings we have with the other gender. If you're with a male, and that's your partnership at the moment, then you need to look at your fears with the male, your anger with the male and your shame. Now, when I say fear, anger and shame with the male, I'm also saying with regard to yourself as a female with the male. In other words you may have lots of shame that is sexual in relationship to the male that may be dictating why you've closed down things sexually. The key is firstly to start with the anger generally because the reality is that shame and fear are emotions that we usually cover over with anger. In other words we use anger as a way of suppressing shame and fear of feelings. Often we need to start with the anger and then we will be able to get into the fear and shame-related issues. [01:42:09.29]

Many people, after periods of time in their life, shut down sexual desire. And they say to us, "Oh, we're in a lovely relationship but we don't have sexual desire." And my answer to that is, "Well you're not in a lovely relationship." Number one, because a lovely relationship will include sexual desire. Now many men understand that, because many times they're less shut down to sexuality than women. Many women are more shut down to sexuality than men because of multigenerational reasons.

8.2. Multigenerational injuries in women cause women to shut down sexually

For example, many women have been sexually harmed by men. Therefore there is a lot of anger, fear and shame associated with the opposite gender regarding sexuality, and so that causes them to shut down towards the opposite gender. Many women have been objectified, shall we say. Most men are not objectified by sex. In other words, a man's self-definition in the world we currently live in is often more about what he accomplishes than his sexual life, but many women are objectified by sex. They are just projected at from men that they are sexual objects. That causes many women to feel a great deal of anger towards men as a result because the male is not accepting her other attributes, but rather only accepting one part of herself; just her sexual self, and even then they don't really care about the personality of the sexual self, they're only caring about the vagina and the breasts and the bottom and so forth. They're only really connected to the physical side of it. And because of that many women have lots of anger about that in comparison to men. Most men are not as angry about those particular things. [01:44:02.29]

So culturally, environmentally and multigenerationally there is a lot more pressure on women to shut down their sexual desires than there is on men. For that reason many men don't feel as injured sexually. They have often perpetrated injuries sexually and therefore they have many emotions to deal with as a result, but they don't feel as injured with their sexuality as the women do. For that reason in a relationship many women close down sexually before the man does. I'm not saying that's always the case because nowadays there are a lot more problems with impotence in men as well, and that is a direct result of anger in the male towards the female. So there are these growing issues and problems in sexual relationships due to these three primary emotions being held onto.

Does that help you with your question?

Participant: Yes.

Can you feel why you didn't want to ask the question?

Participant: At first I felt a lot of fear about asking it and I felt also a lot of impatience, waiting for it to come to a point where it would be appropriate to actually ask it, and I wanted to be very personal, to be about myself and my partner if he would like that. So it was a lot about I didn't want to take up the space here; kind of not being important enough or being wrong for some reason.

Yes, see I suggest actually that the real reason, Eva, is that there are women spirits with you who do not want you to heal your sexual desire.

Participant: I actually guessed about that but I'm not so aware of spirits.

8.2.1. Spirits encourage women to shut down their sexual desire

And this is happening with many women at the moment. There are many, many women spirits in the spirit world who are enraged by the entire concept of the soulmate union. In other words, they feel the soulmate union is definitely not where women want to go. They want women to have power over men because they have had many thousands of years of being dominated by men. Now they see a growing movement on the planet where women can now dominate men. And so they try to influence the women to use sex as a tool for control. Many women in the spirit world are doing this now; they are causing women on the Earth to either be afraid, angry or ashamed and stay in those emotions, rather than healing those emotions toward the opposite gender. [01:47:01.01]

Mary: Or I would say be in rebellion of those emotions so either completely shut down sexually, or reclaim sexuality but in a very angry way that objectifies men. I see this growing trend amongst women of my generation to be quite promiscuous and...

... overtly sexual. They're becoming like men in fact. They're becoming like the men of the past.

Mary: Like the injured male, and apparently shameless, but I feel it's a rebellion against these core feelings that most women carry around sexuality.

And they call it, "Reclaiming your sluttiness." Basically that's what many women in the younger generation are now involved in as well. So you can go into rebellion. This is not what you're doing, you're going into the shut down place.

8.3. Being shut down indicates a state of anger

Participant: Yes, I think it's fear.

There's a lot of anger in that.

Participant: It's anger?

There's always anger in being shut down. Always anger. Remember I said to start with the anger. Fear and shame are the underlying emotions, but start with the anger. Anger is always the start. Whenever we shut down it's like you and I were standing on opposite sides of a door, and you got the door and closed it on me. That's what you're doing sexually.

Participant: That's anger.

That's anger, you see? Why would you want to get the door and close it on a person? This is what's happening between yourself and Pierre.

Participant: To protect myself?

To protect yourself. There are other reasons too. It's due to a lot of reasons but can you see they all have to have an angry effect. The causes might be fear and shame, but the angry effect is the action or the choice to reject the connection. And therefore the anger is where you need to start. Many of us don't want to own the anger, and so we deny it exists and so forth. We want to focus on our fear and shame, but the actual act of closing the door on another person in whatever circumstance is actually an angry act. The reality is that there must be anger present. [01:49:13.27]

8.4. Working through emotions to unblock sexual desire in a relationship

8.4.1. Method 1: Feeling emotions in a sexual situation

Participant: Yes. So what would the way be to deal with it? To get into a sexual situation and then get in touch with my anger?

Certainly that is one way; to allow yourself to be touched sexually and then to feel your resistance to that. And then not just to feel it but express it. If your partner touches you sexually and then you feel really annoyed by it, then let yourself really express your annoyance.

Mary: Not to your partner, obviously.

Well obviously he's going to be present because he's just touched you, but if you express your annoyance just in terms of letting the emotion flow, what will come out of your mouth will often be a complete reflection of that anger. You'll be surprised sometimes what comes out of your mouth. I've been often surprised what comes out of mine when I've felt something between myself and Mary, and then I go into this emotion, and off I go and then wham! There it is! That's the emotion. I can feel that now, just by saying the words that are coming out of me while I'm feeling the anger in this case. So you could engage it that way.

8.4.2. Method 2: Noticing emotional issues on a day-to-day basis

Alternatively you could just notice what annoys you on a day-to-day basis with regard to men. If he's never cooked a meal, does that annoy you? Because whatever annoyances are there actually cover over the reason why you've closed the door. Quite frequently we overlook our annoyances in a relationship, where for example Mary might have cooked my meals for me for ten years, and in that whole time the only time I've ever cooked a meal for her is when I took her out to dinner somewhere else where somebody else cooked. Let's say that's what happened. So ten years she's had of this now. Can you feel that if she really felt herself emotionally she'd be going, "Wow, he really expects me to do this, he really wants me to provide and cook a meal for him all the time." Many men don't even know how to cook, let's face it, particularly because of this emotion in different cultures. And she's then feeling a build-up of resentment that occurs over years. Naturally so, because I'm not being loving and I'm not even noticing that I'm being unloving. That would naturally cause this resentment to build up over years. Now as the resentment builds up, that's the anger, the sexual desire will automatically shut down. It has to. You can't have desire when there's anger present. [01:52:07.00]

So look at those annoyances with men in particular. It's the annoyances with men and the beliefs about yourself that will cause your anger to become present. When I say the beliefs about yourself, they're the areas to look at like: do you feel that your body's getting older now, and therefore you're not as attractive anymore? In many women they've had a few children and the doctors have had to cut their vagina and do things to get some of those children out, and they now have a scar where the caesarean was as well, and so forth, and they don't feel as attractive. Therefore they don't really feel like the man would find them attractive either. So look at the areas of what the man is doing, your frustrations and annoyances, and then look at also how you perceive yourself; what the beliefs you have about yourself are, sexually in particular.

8.5. Working through spirit influence causing women to be sexually shut down

Participant: I actually feel pressure in my throat, now, facing this, asking my question, and...

Anna, is it an embarrassment type of feeling that's closing down your throat? What kind of feeling is it that you feel?

Participant: It's more like something constricting my throat, not being able to voice myself. And I have been coming and going in terms of my ability to listen to what you have said.

Yeah. That is spirit influence causing you to shut down, as is the feeling in your throat. I bring it to your attention because these are women spirits around you who do not want you to heal things from a sexual perspective. Now, because of that, you are going to struggle to heal while this connection remains in place.

8.5.1. An example of a woman who needs to address her emotions about women spirits before dealing with inter-gender issues

So the first thing to look at is, if spirits are around you, affecting your throat and affecting your consciousness, allowing you to go in and out of being present, then the first thing to look at is the hooks you have into other women. What are the feelings you have with other women? Because there's something going on here that allows these women then to affect your body. And you're allowing an open pathway between them and you energetically that causes them to be able to affect your body.

Spirits can influence women to prevent them from healing their sexual injuries

So the key is to look at, "What is my hook into them?" What do you think it might be? What are your hooks into women on Earth? Have you noticed much about that? What are your feelings with women on Earth? [01:55:31.29]

Participant: That... competition and envy is coming to me.

Competition and envy?

Participant: Yes.

Okay, competition and envy. What do you feel about yourself when you're envious of another woman? What do you feel about yourself when you're competitive with another woman?

Participant: When I'm envious of another woman I feel huge, fat and ugly.

So, she's slimmer, prettier, and smaller.

Participant: Elf-like, and then I'm more gorilla-like.

So you feel you're taller than she is, and therefore not as feminine, you feel like you're wider than she is and therefore not as feminine, and you feel she's more beautiful than you are and therefore more attractive. Can you see that you're avoiding those three emotions of "I'm not pretty enough"? And that you're avoiding the fact that you're bigger and so there is grief inside of you about those particular things. Now if you feel that way, what kind of women spirits do you feel would be with you, helping you avoid those emotions? Can you see that those women spirits must also have very similar emotions to you? They are avoiding the fact that they're not pretty, and they're trying to connect to you saying, "No, no don't go there. Don't go there."

Mary: "You're alright."

"You're alright. There's nothing wrong with you. You're pretty enough."

Mary: And, "You should feel bad towards those other women because we feel like that, and you're right to feel like that."

Yeah. "Those women are up themselves, and they're arrogant." They feel all of those emotions towards the other women through you, so therefore they have very similar experience. Now, why would that kind of woman want to close you down here from speaking, do you think? Have you any idea why they want to close you down? What do they get to do, when you feel bad about yourself and they're trying to make you feel better about yourself? What do they get to do?

Participant: Now I'm actually not understanding any longer. I'm a bit overwhelmed with the words and I feel that I don't understand things.

And I suggest to you that these women are just not wanting you to even engage this logical discussion that we're having with you. What's happening with you emotionally what is that they wish to continue to project envy, jealousy and so forth through you to other women on the Earth, in order for themselves to feel better about themselves. And if you heal this particular issue emotionally, where you feel pretty, attractive, and not huge or anything like that anymore, if you heal that emotionally, then they will no longer have this ability to project those emotions through you. Therefore they would prefer that you don't heal these things emotionally. They'd prefer that you avoid them completely. [01:59:25.24]

Participant: So are those spirits also part of me not meeting a partner?

Yes, I believe so. I would say that the spirits are an effect of the reason why you're not meeting a partner, because the main reason why you're not attracting a partner is that you don't feel good enough to attract a partner. You feel huge, unfeminine, fat and unattractive. Those are the feelings you have that you're avoiding.

While you avoid those feelings, then your partner has already got a job to do, to be attracted to you. He's going to have to make you feel the opposite to every one of those feelings. That's a huge projection then at a potential partner that he's got to make you feel good about yourself, he's got to make you feel like you're attractive, even if he feels you're not attractive. Even though he feels that Anna has flaws, he's got to say, "No, Anna has no flaws." Even if he feels, "Yeah, Anna could do with losing a bit of weight", he's got to say, "No, no, Anna's fine as she is." He's not allowed to tell the truth to you. He's got to tell you what you want to hear, because you don't want to feel those particular emotions at the moment. And that is a big emotional demand on the man, and most men get very tired of those kinds of demands very rapidly.

Participant: Over the last couple of days what I have come in contact with is that I have an addiction, a need to feel special. My mother and my father had put me on a pedestal. They still do. So I am gorgeous. Of course I know I'm not.

You don't feel it.

Participant: No because I don't want to sit up there on the pedestal. And so I realise this is something I need to have from both, I guess, men and women; I am special. And the last thing I got that I also feel that about the partner, or my friends, or everyone I sort of choose, that they need to be special too. And that's also a big burden.

To make me feel more special.

Participant: To make me more special.

Yeah. It's a bit like if you have emotional injury that you're not worldly enough, then you'll want a partner who's more worldly than you are in order for you to feel more worldly, because you've attracted this partner. We often do these kinds of things, and these kinds of emotions are the emotions that cause much sexual attraction on the planet, but are not based on the real soul-based attraction, that sexual attraction that we've been talking about that we can have.

9. Finding our ideal partner

9.1. An example of a woman looking for her ideal partner

Now, we never got to your question. (Laughs)

Participant: That's true. I have, since my teens, had this really strong longing to meet as I said it then, my "life partner"; that was the word I used then when I was in my teens. A life partner to create together with.

Can I word the question for you? If you've had such a longing for a life partner, then why have you not met him? And this is why you're looking at the potential answer of, "Oh, he must have died." And I suggest to you that there are other reasons why you have not met him. In fact one of the reasons is about this longing for the life partner. If you, for example, get a book and write down a list of all the things you expect from your life partner, in the end you'll probably find that you'll fill up that page, and you'll probably even be able to go over a few other pages, having a long list of different expectations. Can you see that every expectation is what we said ages ago now in this discussion, that they are about addictions?

Now remember we said that if we're in addiction, we're not going to attract our life partner. We can feel, "I wanted my life partner my whole life, why haven't I met her or him?" The reality is, no you haven't wanted your life partner your whole life, what you've wanted is your definition of what the ideal partner is. That's what you've wanted. And that definition of the ideal partner is actually your definition of how they're going to meet all of your unhealed emotions, and how they're going to meet all of your addictions and expectations. That's the reality. We haven't really longed for our soulmate in that place, what we've longed for in your case is a man who matches the description of those pages and pages of expectations. That's what we're looking for. Now, the poor man comes along and let's say he only matches 10% of those addictions. [02:05:12.11]

Participant: Then he's not special.

That's not special, is it?

Mary: He doesn't even get a look in.

He doesn't even get a look in.

Mary: You're just like, "Ah, who are you?"

He might be your soulmate, but you can't feel he's your soulmate because you've got a list of expectations. Now, I put to many of you that actually your list of expectations, which are all very much driven by what happened when you were growing up, and we'll talk more in detail about this after the break, they all come from unhealed emotions and unhealed expectations in our childhood. But are often, if you think about it, exactly what our dad is. Or, the opposite of what our dad is, depending on whether we liked our dad or not, and exactly what our mum is, or the opposite of what our mum is, depending on whether we liked our mum or not. And, as a result, we're not really seeking our soulmate, we're really seeking our daddy or our mummy, but just a much younger version that we can have sex with. Now it sounds pretty bad doesn't it, when I put it that way, but in reality that's really what is going on. And what if the man came along and he was five foot three, and how tall are you, Anna? [02:06:27.27]

Participant: 176 centimetres.

176. So you're about five foot nine and a half. And he's five foot three, so he's now six inches or so shorter than you, and it doesn't seem like he can protect you very well. You're bigger than he is! So that emotional addiction's going to go out the window, to have a protector for your life and so forth. And this is the problem we face; that we're so blinkered in terms of our expectations of our ideal partner. That's really what we're looking for. And that is not the same as a soulmate.

The reality is that our soulmate from God's perspective is our perfect ideal partner, but he or she does not necessarily meet the list of ideals we have.

9.2. Examining our expectations of and preferences for our ideal partner

So that's why I suggest to every single person one great exercise, with regard to sexual attraction, is to write down all of what you believe is ideal. I did this, and I took quite a few pages to do that. I even found pictures of women on the internet, with the ideal face and ideal everything, and I put them in a folder on my computer and I looked at it every day and I'm going, "Why do I feel like that's the ideal?" Let yourself really experiment with it. Find out why you feel these ideals are ideal. [02:08:27.10]

And in all of the cases revolving round myself, I found I was avoiding sadness, or avoiding grief, avoiding loneliness, avoiding my soulmate grief and a lot of other emotions actually. And in the end I realised that in many cases I was doing what I was suggesting just before, and that is that I was looking for someone who was like my mother in a younger version. That's all I was doing. And there are a lot of reasons why we do that because they're the emotional injuries we have, they came from that person so that's what we're looking for. I identified with my mother and not so much my father with regard to what's the ideal.

The ideal for me at that time was that the woman had to be about five foot three inches tall. Mary is about five foot six or seven inches tall. So Mary's not my ideal. Under those circumstances, Mary's not my ideal. I was looking for a shorter woman and Mary's taller. Now once I worked through the emotion, I then realised, "Hang on a sec, my soulmate could be six foot! What am I going to feel about that?" This is where these Internet dating services are difficult (and by the way I tried that too, to find my soulmate), because what happens in Internet dating services is that they ask for your preferred height, preferred size, preferred this, preferred that, and all these preferences.

Now what I suggest to you is that you need to investigate these preferences. Investigate them and see them for what they are. They are addictions usually, which got created during our childhood. Preferences are usually addictions that were created in our childhood. We need to see them for what they are. To be open to our soulmate, we need to be open to all the possibilities.

I'm very, very glad I became open to all the possibilities, because without that you can't attract the person, or you might attract the person and not even recognise them. You could sit down with them, talk with them for a couple of hours, and go away and think, "Yeah that was a nice discussion but that's not my ideal," and straight away you've just dismissed your soulmate, your ideal from God's perspective. [02:11:10.10]

9.3. An instance of spirits shutting down audience members

Mary: Can I just address who feels drowsy and not engaged? Quite a few of the women I'm noticing. I'm feeling the cloud descend. There's a lot of people disengaging further and further, and I'm primed to talk about shame and spirits.

But we're not going to get to talk about that if you're already disengaging about the good things.

Mary: Yeah, it's like, "Oh no, that window's closing now" because I feel like everyone's disengaged.

Can I suggest to you that these are women spirits wanting you to remain single or remain in control? That's all they're doing. They're wanting you to remain single, and remain in control of your life. When you enter your soulmate relationship you will not desire control of your life. You won't desire your soulmate to control your life either. You won't even think about control.

Mary: Ironically you'll be most in control, but you won't have this need to control.

You won't have a need to control. You won't have a need to be single. You won't have neediness projected at a potential mate. You won't have any of those things. Now a lot of the women spirits who are following us around a lot lately want to detune every woman from ever, ever attracting their male counterpart. [02:12:47.25]

9.3.1. The benefits of dealing with sexual injuries

Mary: And can I just encourage you all to get really real? One of the reasons that I really wanted us to talk about what is the non-injured state of sexuality and soulmate joining is because for me, when I met AJ, I really did not, in my heart of hearts, believe that sexuality was ever going to be a joy to me. It was never going to be a joyful part of who I am. I really felt like, yeah, sex is something that I got occasional pleasure from, but it was not a beloved part of the expression of who I am. And that's how God intends it to be for all of us. And I do feel a lot of women feel in their heart of hearts, and I certainly did, quite despondent about sexuality, about the concept of joining. It's feels fraught with fear and shame, and the potential of being controlled and harmed. The reality is that as we work through this stuff, the danger of those things happening decreases monumentally. The danger of us being harmed or getting into a situation that makes us feel shameful actually decreases quite a lot. But going into this stuff, if we really feel what's inside of us, inside of our bodies about sex, how we feel about our sexual organs, there's a lot of heaviness that can shut us down from the possibilities.

Mary: I did a channelling actually specifically about this topic yesterday from my guides and they were encouraging me to remember that every one of God's creations in its natural state is to heal and to have joy. It's not only instinct but inevitability when we open ourselves to our emotions and to love. And so I just want to inspire you a little bit to get real because it really took me getting very real about what I felt about sex - the rage, the shame, the fear - and I'm still in that process but it's very rewarding and it doesn't feel like my sexuality is this dirty old rag that I'd like to hide from myself and everyone else for the rest of my life; it's something that can grow and blossom and be beautiful. [02:15:12.25]

Participant: I feel the opposite - I've been sitting on the edge of my chair.

That's good! You feel excited obviously, and that's a really good thing. Whenever we feel shut down, that's a time to look and go, "Yeah, well, obviously we're not..."

Mary: "I've got some fear or some blocks on this topic."

We've got some fears associated. You obviously do not have much fear associated with this topic, and for that reason the women spirits around who want to shut you down cannot shut you down on this particular topic. And that's wonderful! For many of the women in the audience it's the opposite to that. They have a lot of fear and shame associated with the topic and so therefore there's a lot of heavy women spirits who are in the same condition and can easily shut them down as a result.

Mary: It's lovely that you feel excited.

Yeah it's good!

9.4. An example of a woman who feels drawn to a man

Participant: I am myself one of these women who don't want a soulmate. And before being on the path I've been with a lot of different men, and since I joined the path I just shut down; self sex, everything. And I feel how it's really hard. I feel today a lot of pain everywhere here, and I even wrote my questions because I cannot connect with them. But for me there is a guy in France who really triggered me a lot, and I've got a lot of anger towards him. My mind's saying, "I don't want to be with him" and at the same time sometimes I'm next to him and I cannot move. I just want to stay and my mind says, "No, go away."

So do you feel you know who your soulmate is? Is that what you're saying?

Participant: I don't know. When I had a thought it could be, it totally repulsed me. And one day he asked me, "Have you ever thought we could be soulmates?" and I said, "Oh no way!" I pushed him away. But sometimes when I'm next to him, I don't know, I just feel paralysed and I don't want to stay but my mind is saying, "You need to go away." It's really strange. I don't really know how to explain it.

Mary can understand many of those emotions.

Mary: Yep!

Participant: And so I was feeling more and more things, and I have tried to open up to this. I want to spend time with him and see what's happened because he doesn't really match my demands and expectations. He's not really the guy I'd like my soulmate to be. And at the same time I really like him as a person, but not as my soulmate. And last week someone said to me, "But maybe you think he's your soulmate because he's very sensitive, and he's very shy." But, at the same time I'm very emotional with him, and maybe I am truly attracted to him with my soul because he's very sensitive, and then I have this false belief that our soulmate could be sensitive. That's what the girls say. I'm really confused. [02:19:03.07]

Mary: So how would you resolve that question, Nina?

Can you see you're very getting intellectual and very confused about something that you could easily investigate without having to have sex with the man. You could easily investigate all of these issues if you chose to be open and just let yourself feel your feelings on the issue. You see quite often we do the opposite to that. In Australia the saying is, we want all of our t's crossed and our i's dotted. I don't know what the saying is in Europe. But basically we want everything to be perfect before we engage something. But the problem is that our idea of perfection is not God's creation of perfection for us. It's just our idea from our childhood that is the idea of perfection. And so, yes, you may feel that you'd love to have a sensitive man, but let's look at the men you have chosen up to this point in terms of your relationships. Have many of them been sensitive men?

Participant: Well, sensitive but really not like him. Like, really different, I don't know how to explain.

Okay. And this particular man, you don't actually feel a sexual attraction to him at this point?

Participant: No.

You just want to be friends. But you can't contemplate not being friends, which is interesting in itself.

Participant: Yeah. And especially when I feel the remorse about how I've been angry with him, my grief is bigger than with other men; that's what I'm feeling. Why do I feel a lot of grief around being angry with him?

These are the things to look at and be sensitive about. The fact is that something very strange is going on around here. And the strange thing is that this is very different to your normal attractions and normal type of relationships that you've had in the past with men, is it not? [02:21:07.25]

Participant: Yes.

So it's worth investigation just from that perspective, isn't it? And why do you have this unreasoning anger with him? Because that's what it feels like, isn't it?

Participant: Yeah.

It's an anger you can't explain.

Participant: It's rage. Big, big rage.

So why is there this very large rage with this guy that you still feel like you have to be friends with? There are a lot of contrary emotions and as we go through this discussion you'll see that actually soulmate attractions, which eventually result in sexual attraction between just you and one other person, are very much like this at times, where there are a lot of contrary emotions that are going on between the two halves. Because we're going to feel the injury of our partner and our partner is going to feel our injuries; our soul partner is going to feel our injuries more intensely than any other person. And we're going to feel their injuries more intensely than any other person. And unless we're both focused on dealing with those particular injuries, we are not going to join unless we have a deep desire to be humble, a deep desire to really feel every emotion that we feel. [02:22:24.07]

9.5. Exploring the truth about who our soulmate is

Mary: Can I make a suggestion, Nina? At the moment you would like to know before you investigate one way or the other, and the truth is that on this path as we get to know God, as we get to know ourselves, there are many unknowns. We have to get used to that. We have to get used to the fact that we're not going to know everything before we step into whatever it is we're stepping into. But I would keep in mind two questions - "How can I explore this possibility lovingly?" and, "How can I purify my soulmate desire?" Because with a pure soulmate desire, which we talked about before, we going to know out of the hundred guys in front of us, "That's the guy and I know it," because there's a purity in my desire. It's not based on helping me avoid my injuries.

9.5.1. The example of when Mary met AJ

Can I point out something? When I met Mary I did not tell her that she was my soulmate; I want to correct what might have been a suggestion earlier. Friends of mine told Mary that I felt Mary was my soulmate. Now when Mary heard that from her parents, whom my friends had told, Mary had a lot of tumultuous type of feelings come up, similar to the kinds of feelings you're feeling; confusion, and feelings she didn't understand.

Mary: I'd met him twice but hardly spoken. The second time I got very unreasonably rageful. I couldn't understand why. And then he left, I had other things on my mind, in my life, and I was told, and immediately I couldn't sleep or eat for two weeks.

Now, one thing I liked was that Mary was open enough to explore or investigate in a loving manner, although perhaps at times it wasn't that loving, but to explore or investigate the potential of this particular thing. And she was open because she felt like she had to. Inside of herself she had a feeling, "I've got to investigate this. For some reason I feel like I've got investigate." [02:24:48.25]

Mary: So I trusted that.

She trusted her own feeling, her own feeling of wanting to investigate. She trusted herself enough to know that she could leave me anytime she wanted, she could decide to do whatever she wanted. She trusted at least that. And there are many times during her investigation that she did leave me as a result of that, and I think that is fantastic because she trusted herself enough to do that. You see oftentimes the reason why we want to know everything upfront is that we don't trust ourselves enough to be able to make the right decision at the right time. And what I liked about what Mary did was that she trusted herself enough to know, "If I feel like I want to leave him, I'll leave him. If I feel like I want to go back to him, I'll give him a call." She trusted herself enough through that process. And this is what we need to be prepared to do, if we wish to investigate these issues with regard to relationship, and with regard to attractions. We need to trust ourselves enough to know that we can enter or exit at any time. [02:25:58.10]

Mary: And this is why I stressed the "lovingly"; you shouldn't emulate my behaviour apart from that one aspect because I did it quite angrily at times. And the beauty is that now for a couple of years you've been experiencing your emotions, you know what it means to own your anger, you know the principles of love, so you can explore lovingly. But when I met AJ I had no idea about love. So I was exploring but I wasn't always very loving.

But even though that was the case, I'm very glad that Mary had enough courage in her own soul and enough presence of her own mind to actually explore something, even though at times the way she did it may not have been loving . I'm very glad she took that choice and actually did it because without the engagement you can never resolve the unlovingness. Without the engagement it's very difficult to actually resolve. So this is where I feel that it's very important, even if at times you become unloving in the exploration, it's important to go, "Oh." And Mary did this many times.

I feel Mary's a good example in terms of being humble about the process, in the sense that many times Mary felt in a rage with me, recognised she was in a rage with me, went away for a while and worked through some of the issues of why she was so angry, and dealt with that without condemning her own feelings about the whole process. And I feel that's what many people need to do; they need to investigate these things without condemnation of their own feelings of the process. Now many others condemn your feelings, but the key is to forget about that. And this is what I liked about what Mary did, she enough presence of her own character and mind, and courage, to investigate the process knowing that she could do whatever she wanted in this process, and work her way through the particular issues involved. I feel, just to explore without being loving is better than actually shutting down the whole exploration process at all. To me, that is just a complete avoidance and denial of what's present, when you do that. While exploring lovingly is great, just the process of exploring is also, I feel, quite powerful. [02:28:32.21]

Mary: And of course to purify your soulmate desire you're going to need to be humble. You're going to need to look at, "Well, what are my expectations? What emotions do I want a man to help me avoid?" And the more you look at that, the more your pure desire will emerge.

9.5.2. Exploring the emotional basis of sexual attraction

So ask yourself some basic questions, Nina. What do I find sexy in a man? Write down a list of all the things you find sexy in a man. Write down all the things that you want in your ideal partner because many of these things are based on emotional injuries that we've picked up through our life, in particular in our relationship with either one or both parents. In other words, we either absorb what our mother thinks is ideal, if we're connected to our mother, or we see the ideal in our father and therefore that's the kind of man we feel is the kind of man we want, minus the negative attributes, generally. That's what we go for. [02:29:28.29]

For example, if our father was tall, bit on the large side, he has emotions of arrogance towards other men, he has emotions of belittling other women, then we're going to be very attracted to that kind of a man unless we heal those emotions. In other words we're going to be attracted to a younger version who's arrogant, who's got anger towards other men, and who belittles women. That's the man we're going to feel sexually attracted to as a result of those things. The key thing is to make the list, allow yourself to see the truth of what you currently find sexy and attractive. What do you find is the ideal? What's your ideal? Look at pictures of what you feel is ideal even. Look at the picture and ask yourself, why am I feeling that particular person is ideal? What does that do inside of me, that causes me to feel attracted to that? Why is that particularly attractive to me?

The problem with almost all of our attractions here on the planet is that we have idealised our attractions so much. Not only that, we have done this other thing and that is that we are all seeking perfection. And to be frank, none of our soulmates are perfect. If we're all seeking perfection and none of our soulmates are perfect, are we ever going to really know who our soulmate is while we're doing this? We need to get underneath those feelings of what's perfect, and into the real reason why we believe that particular thing is perfect. Why do you believe a six foot three man who's nice and slender and has a muscly body is perfect? There's got to be a reason. Because a five foot ten man or a five foot three man who's got an entirely different body may be your soulmate. [02:31:34.17]

9.5.3. The example of the woman who feels drawn to a man (continued)

Participant: Yes. Can I ask another question? In the soulmate relationship, when you share truth - you explained before that desires, love and truth draw soulmates together. For me we've been very truthful from the beginning and it's beautiful and triggering, so I don't know how it works in the relationship about the truth thing.

You're saying a lot of contrary things, aren't you? It's beautiful but triggering. When you say triggering you mean that it causes you to feel emotional, get angry and upset. Is that what you're saying?

Participant: Well I like it because I can really say things, or he would say things, but what he says sometimes, I don't like to hear it so much.

Okay! So you don't want to hear it. You're shut down; you're rejecting what he's saying and so forth. Yeah, my suggestion is, again, the same issue. See, if you were humble to all that process you wouldn't go into a shut down place, you wouldn't go into rejection.

9.5.4. The example of when Mary met AJ (continued)

Mary: Nina, when AJ and I first met, for some of the time we were split up, sometimes geographically and sometimes because I didn't want to be in a relationship with him, but he would send me these emails, long emails. You know AJ can talk a lot? He can type a lot too! And he would send me these big long emails and I'd sit and I'd read it and I'd read it and I'd read it and I'd read it and go, "Argh!" and I couldn't respond, I was so angry. But I couldn't leave it because I knew he was saying truth, even if it was just the truth of what he felt.

It was a lot more bluntly that Mary felt it though.

Mary: Yeah! (Laughing)

"F it, he's right"! (Laughs)

Mary: Yes! "Dammit! I can't let what he's saying go because it's the truth!" And it was very compelling, the truth. So it confronted a lot of my injury, and my addictions.

Mind you I didn't do that without Mary first inviting me to.

Mary: Absolutely. It was always in response.

I didn't send her unsolicited emails. I always sent an email in response to her desire.

Mary: Yep. So I wanted to hear from him, and then I'd hear from him, and then I'd hate it, and then I'd have to...

Then she'd send me an angry response. And then I'd respond to her angry response, saying the emotions involved, which made her even more angry and then I wouldn't hear from her for a while again.

Mary: Yeah.

And the more humility we have in terms of listening, the smoother the engagement becomes. It's only tumultuous because one or both parties is not being humble. This is the thing we need to realise; if any engagement with a person is tumultuous it's usually because one or both of you are not being humble, and this particularly applies to anything regarding investigating or exploring the soulmate relationship. If it's tumultuous, and causes lots of things to come up, then one or both of you are not being humble enough to feel your own stuff. [02:34:37.14]

Mary: And, Nina, I often make this joke with AJ that we're having our relationship in reverse. Like some people are married for thirty years and their sex life is in ruins, they're hardly connected to each other, they don't talk, it's all lukewarm and everything. But when they first met it was like daisy honeymoon fantastic! Well, sometimes I feel like we're like the flipside. The more we go on, the more romantic and beautiful it becomes, but when we started out it was, like, well I had a lot of gripes from the past, and there was a lot of lack of connection. Our sex life...

And I was frightened of her really. I was just frightened of Mary really.

Mary: Yeah. I was a bit frightened of me too, because I didn't the understand the emotions.

Because Mary never acted that way towards other men, you see. So she was a bit confused about why she felt all these things with myself. But I was frightened. A lot of it was just because I could feel the anger and rage and I could understand it, but sometimes Mary wasn't even open enough to talk about why she felt the way she felt at the time. And so I didn't know how to handle a lot of it. I was quite frightened, and sometimes it was a relief that she ran away for a while, so I could have a breather (laughs); that's how it felt. [02:36:01.10]

Mary: I don't know if all soulmate relationships start that way though, but ours obviously had a lot of pretext.

In the first century, ours was similar actually. When we first met I felt I knew who she was. Mary didn't have a concept of soulmates at the time but she felt quite a strong attraction to me but within a very short period of time she was bitterly angry with me as well.

Mary: I've been angry about that too, Nina! I'm always the bad guy! (Laughs)

So she was even angry about being angry with me! (Laughs) She was angry that I'm never angry with her and she's always angry with me. What's going on? (Laughs) That kind of thing. And so the key is to be willing to explore at least. Be willing to explore but also be as humble as possible to what you're actually feeling.

Mary: I just think it's awesome to understand as much as you do about God, soulmates and emotion and then to find your soulmate. I wish I knew, that I'd reconnected to any of it, because it would have been a lot smoother.

Yeah.

Participant: Do you think it's better to tell him or just explore by myself and not say anything?

You don't know for certain, do you?

Participant: No.

Don't say anything you don't know for certain.

Participant: Okay.

But you can say to him, "Look, you might be right." Hasn't he said to you, "Perhaps we're soulmates"?

Participant: Well he never said that, but he asked me one day, "Have you ever thought...?" He didn't want to say, "I feel we're soulmates," so he just said, "Have you ever thought we could be soulmates?" I was like, "Eek!" because I had had the thought before, and I was like, "No, no, no." And I said, "Oh no, never." And I lied because I had the same thought.

Okay! (Laughs) So, stop lying and start telling the truth! So, "Well, yes, now that you mention it, I don't want it to be true, but that's how it feels." Remember truth, desire and love are the three things that are going help it grow if it's going to grow, and it's going to sort out very rapidly whether you're soulmates or not, actually, if you stay in truth, desire and love. You're not going to open to your soulmate by lying, by misrepresenting the truth to him. So, if you're not attracted to some part of him, or her, then tell them. But also work through in humility why you feel that way.

Mary: Yeah. And remember the love bit. You don't have to force it upon them. Just be yourself.

If they say, "Do you like my body?" You say, "No." (Laughs) And they'll have hurt about that to feel, and you'll have to work out why you don't. And it could be partly because their body isn't being looked after by them, and that's why you don't like it. Or it might be that you just don't like that body type because you've yet to release the emotion about your dad; you want your dad's body type and not his. So, you see if both are humble then each will feel their own emotion about those particular things. [02:38:59.26]

Participant: Thank you so much.

Sexual Attraction: Session 1 Part 2

10. Reasons that people feel shame when discussing sex

Now, many of you are not feeling that engaged by the discussion, which is interesting in itself, considering that you wanted it. Remember when we asked you what you want to talk about? So what do you feel is the reason for that? What do you feel is the reason for the lack of engagement with the subject so far?

Participant: It could be because a lot of us just like staying in our facade selves, and we don't want to really see how many sexual injuries we all have, and how much we really dislike being the gender that we are.

Well that sounded pretty intellectual as an answer. When you say, "Stay in your facade self," what is the emotion? When we talk about sex and sexual matters, what is one of the dominant emotions on the planet with regard to sex and sexual matters?

Participant: Shame.

Shame. Okay.

Mary: And, Jane, you mentioned one of your emotions right there at the end.

Can you remember?

Participant: Yeah. How much, personally, I don't like being a woman, so that's being my gender.

Mary: And anger about being a woman.

Participant: Yeah. Anger and then probably shame or fear as well.

With regard to sex, why is it that sex causes so much feeling of shame? We all have sexual organs, we all have legs, and we all have arms and we all have sexual organs as well. So why is it that when we start discussing the sexual organs and our responses that shame seems to be the dominant emotion when, if we started talking about your legs and your arms, you'd be, "Why are we even talking about this?" They'd be relatively unimportant subjects. Why is the sexual subject such a thing? [00:02:20.18]

10.1. Erroneous reasons for shame about sexual matters

Participant: I feel that for me it's related to rejection.

Let's look at that. So the issue of rejection; rejection of what though, Di? Can we be more specific?

Participant: Well rejection of myself, or rejection of a man and my shame around the rejection that I have of men, as well.

Okay. What about, not only of self, but of bodily functions?

Participant: Yep.

Anything else?

Participant: Well I would have thought that it's because we're brought up to cover everything up, and especially our sexual organs down here are close to our waste disposal, you know how should I put it. I don't know! So we associate it with something dirty but we're brought up to feel that. [00:03:34.27]

Mary: Dirty and private.

Participant: Yeah. We're told we have to cover even our breasts. Men don't have to cover their breasts, but we do because these are the things that have got nipples that feed children.

Well isn't the fact that the woman covers her breasts primarily because men view them as sexual objects? Isn't that the main cause? And the reality is that men do view them as sexual objects whereas most women don't view a man's chest as a sexual object necessarily. Some may, but can you see the difference? But you're right, there is this thing of feeling dirty with regard to sexual matters. [00:04:15.24]

Mary: Which is actually our parents' shame imposed upon us isn't it, to cover that up.

Anything else?

Participant: Lots of heavy guilt from churches.

Guilt.

Participant: Tons of it.

Not just from churches actually.

Participant: Judgement against sexuality.

Good. Judgement. Yep. The one thing we must realise is that the church is just a reflection of society. The reality is that many of the church's impositions upon a particular group of people are actually just the society using religion as a way to project their own feelings toward that group of people. For example, if a group of people feel something's dirty, then they'll create a religion that actually teaches that, that particular thing is dirty. And they'll hold onto that teaching as long as they possibly can.

Participant: And then if you feel different to society, and your instinct feels that this is not okay... Or, for example, why should it be okay the day after you get married, and the day before not? That's what my mum told me. She grew up in the generation where it was absolutely not okay except for having children and so on. That already didn't make sense to me. And I remember before, when I had my first boyfriend, for a whole year I had a diary where I just was grappling with the guilt because I grew up in the Catholic Church. It was not okay unless you were married and all that.

Exactly.

Participant: It's huge.

Belief systems certainly impose their shame upon you.

Participant: Yeah. Obviously.

It's not necessarily that we personally feel ashamed about what actually happens but belief systems impose their shame, so what we're talking about there is really a group of emotions where we are invested in other people's opinion of us.

Participant: Yeah. But even if you know deep in your gut it's wrong, then you get into conflict with what is imposed on you by your parents or society where you happen to live, and what your own feelings are.

What I'm saying to you though in return is that when I'm invested in my parents' viewpoints more than my own, that then causes me to feel ashamed about my own. [00:06:31.04]

Participant: Right.

Mary: That's where the conflict comes from. For example, if you came up to me now and said, "You're a dirty cow because you're sleeping with this man and you're not married," I'd go, "I feel pretty dirty about a lot of things but that's not one of them," because I'm not invested in what you think about me.

But if you said that Mary was dirty because of something she did in the first century...

Mary: Or even in this life...

Or even in this life, she would feel quite different. The principle here is that we take on the opinions of others based on what is already unhealed within ourselves. But belief systems certainly have a large effect on our willingness and openness to discuss matters of sexuality. [00:07:14.29]

What else?

Participant: This is very similar, but slightly different. It's the fear of unwanted pregnancy.

Well, would it be more the guilt of unwanted pregnancy, or the fear of that.

Participant: Well there's a history of this in my family.

Right.

Participant: And linked to the Catholic Church.

Shall we call it unwanted results?

Participant: Okay, yeah.

Mary: So they might not just be pregnancy?

They might not be pregnancy; it could also be venereal diseases and so forth. But let's look at the unwanted pregnancy. Historically, if a young woman was unmarried and got pregnant, she would normally be put in isolation for at least the nine month period that she was pregnant, she would be ostracised and criticised, and many women generationally were then taken and completely expelled from the family. The father and the mother would treat them as sluts, and they would never ever see them again. Now the threat of that is pretty painful emotionally. [00:08:21.17]

Mary: The women are carrying that.

Participant: I have met a woman in a psychiatric institution who's been in there since the age of 16 because of pregnancy. She was around 60.

Yeah. That's sad, hey, just because of the condemnation of the environment of the time. So unwanted results is a big issue. For some reason if we have some kind of a skin injury we'd go, "Oh yeah we've just got an injury," but if we have a venereal disease, now that's quite shameful. Can you see there's a big difference between those two things?

10.2. Pure reasons for shame about sexual matters

There are also some soul-based reasons why we have a sensitivity to sexual matters that are actually based on pure emotions. There are some pure things within the soul regarding sexuality that we've already taught you today, that may also be one of the reasons why we have a tendency towards shame about the issues.

Participant: Yeah I think it's that we know about our soulmate, and that there is something wrong having sex the way we do it.

In other words at some level we know the truth that there is just one connection, one person, and when we look at our sexual past, most people haven't had just one person, and all of a sudden there's a lot of shame about our past as a result. I suppose you could say what appears to be the negative part of truth is that we then often feel ashamed about our own life, and judge our own life in comparison with that truth. We often do that. [00:10:19.26]

Mary: And that's certainly a huge issue for me, because obviously the truth is quite strong in my soul even though I was in heavy denial of it for a long time. So even my sexual responsiveness and my orgasm was very shut down because I had this sense that it should be for my soulmate and it wasn't. I wasn't engaged with my soulmate and so I even found it difficult to orgasm and be engaged with other people.

Often we have this feeling of what is right within us. When we do what is the opposite to the feeling of what is right, there is a saying that our conscience, which is the inbuilt mechanism we have to know the difference between right and wrong, bothers us. When our conscience bothers us, and we don't allow ourselves to feel why it's bothering us we often feel emotions of shame or guilt rather than feeling the reason why our conscience is bothering us.

Participant: I just want to say exactly that, most of the time in my life I used sexuality as a tool to feel like a man. But in my heart I knew...

... that something was wrong with this?

Participant: Yeah. And because I used it and then comes out the fact that I allowed myself, with the same aspect, to be used by other people. And there was a lot of guilt and anger towards myself. How could I allow that? You know the truth but you allowed it. The betrayal.

Could I say as a summary of what you're saying that we bartered? We know the truth, that bartering sex is damaging.

Mary: And we begin to feel that as well, don't we? We get into the barter, it feels okay because we got satisfied what we were trying to avoid. But after a while we go, "Urgh, it doesn't feel good."

Many of us in sexual relationships have become used to bartering sex. It's almost like a commodity that is universal. It's even more universal than the money we have, because all of us have different types of dollars and so forth, but sex is a universal commodity. It's a commodity we can use with anybody on the planet, pretty much, if we wish to in order to get what we want and satisfy what they want. [00:13:12.13]

Mary: And for myself, the barter for me was touch. I wanted to be held and touched, and I was willing to have sex just to have that one thing met.

We were discussing this a few days ago, Mary and I, that it's interesting that every time we barter something for another thing it's often that we don't get the other thing anyway. What Mary found was that in the bartering of sex for touch she finished up not having very satisfying sex but also having no person to hang around and touch her afterwards. Often that occurs.

Participant: A lot of my unloving actions are associated with sex with men. And if I have a desire to love I'm very confronted about that.

About the unloving actions, yeah, that's very good. So again we know the truth that we're being unloving.

Mary: We have been unloving.

Or we have been unloving, yep. So can you see that some of the shame and guilt and everything is related to emotions that there's nothing wrong in reality? But some of the emotions related to our shame and guilt are that we have reasons to be ashamed and guilty; the choices we've made with sexuality. This is the conundrum with sexual desire and sexual attraction, that some of the emotions that we think are impure are actually pure, and then some of the emotions that we think are pure or we've believed were pure in the past are actually impure, and there's a lot of confusion about which one is pure, which one's not pure, and so therefore there's a lot of confusion about our emotions in dealing with sexual attraction as a result. [00:15:16.00]

Participant: Just like what you were saying, I think it's particularly in the age in which I was brought up due to lack of information and education. Like, it wasn't even talked about.

Very true.

Participant: There was no communication and there were no words.

But why was there no communication in that generation? There are underlying emotional reasons why there's no communication.

Participant: Well because they were ashamed, I guess.

Yes! So the problem is, if the adult generation feel shame about sex and sexuality issues, they're immediately imposing those feelings of shame and guilt upon any child that's now conceived. By the time the child is born and growing, the child is now also feeling all these issues and shame, and nobody wants to talk about it. The child can't go to the parents and say, "Oh mummy, I actually had this happen to me the other day to my vagina or my penis"; mummy just goes into a meltdown because she feels so ashamed about the whole thing, and so what do we learn to do? We learn to not discuss it openly, and the problem is that information then goes underground. In other words a lot of people then start getting information through pornography and other means, rather than it just being openly talked about and there being very little need to go underground to get information about sex and sexuality. [00:16:38.20]

10.2.1. An example of a man becoming more sensitive to unloving sexual actions

Participant: About 18 months ago I finished a relationship because I just felt I was being used but even worse I felt I was using. And when that hit me as an emotion it blew me away.

Yes, so what you're saying really is that the more sensitive you became to love, the less willing you were now...

Participant: Yeah, to not stay in it.

... the more ashamed you felt of your behaviour when you were unloving and just using.

Participant: That's it, yeah.

Mary: That's a beautiful thing about developing our soul and opening, isn't it? We begin to become far more sensitive to what's loving and what isn't, and it guides us. Even if we don't know the overreaching rules, we feel like, " I know that's not going to lead to good things."

10.3. The two areas that create sexual shame

So you can see that there are these two sides to the issue. There's the injuries imposed upon us by our environment that cause us to feel certain things about sex and sexuality, so we then feel that we can't openly and truthfully discuss the desires and passions and longing that we have within us. And on this other side, we have an inside understanding or what we'll call a soul knowing inside of us, a soul instinct about the truth, and whenever our actions have conflicted with those soul-based instincts surrounding love, then we finish up feeling bad about ourselves and therefore we feel shame and guilt and a bad conscience triggers us, and we then feel like we don't want to discuss that.

When you think about it, not wanting to discuss bartering is really all about just not being humble enough to our emotion. Not being humble to admit, "Yes, I have bartered sex. Yes, I have been unloving in my sexual interactions. Yes, I might have had some kind of sexual disease as a result of my use of sex, for example. Yes, I have had other things happen." I'm not saying these from my perspective. A lot of people, when I say things then quote me as saying that this has happened to me. [00:19:13.01]

Mary: That's the next media release: "Yes I have had a venereal disease! Yes I have!" (Laughs)

And I haven't. But the reality is, what I'm saying is that even if I had, then there's this instinct inside of us knowing that something was wrong there, something was up there. There's an instinct then of feeling, "Well something was wrong," but then there's this feeling of condemnation of ourselves and also an unwillingness to discuss openly that condemnation of us or that feeling that we have.

Mary: Yeah. And in my experience the way that I have been most manipulated sexually and the way I've actually entered into things that cause me more and more shame is through the avoidance of acknowledging my shame. Whether it be shame as a result of my soul instinct or shame as a result of injuries imposed upon me while I lived in denial of that shame and the truth of what really went on, that is when I became more and more disconnected with sex and love as one entity, as I believe that's the most harmonious way to experience sex. And also, through the Law of Attraction obviously, I accumulated more shame because I didn't want to feel these things, so then I would enter into exchanges as a result of denying those emotions.

10.4. Healing injuries relating to sexual attraction requires open discussion

Okay, so the question then becomes, the only way to heal in things regarding sexual attraction that are out of harmony with the way God designed them to be, is firstly to intellectually acknowledge that they are out of harmony, which means we have to at some point have a discussion about the issues. Now, if we're already resistive to having a discussion about the issues, how are we ever going to feel the emotion about the issues? While all of these things are true, that there are injuries that we have imposed upon us that cause us to feel shame, and that we do have a soul instinct to what's loving, and every time we've been unloving we do also feel some shame or guilt or a bad conscience, at the end of the day, whether we feel about a conscience or we have injuries imposed, we still need to enter the discussion before anything can be resolved. And we need to have an openness to entering the discussion about our emotions about the particular things that guide our sexual attractions. [00:21:55.11]

This is where many people have a lot of difficulty. For instance, many heterosexual males would have a lot of trouble admitting any single time that they felt an attraction to another male. And many heterosexual females will have usually difficulty admitting to an attraction they had with another female. Many of us would also be very resistive to talking about our sexual history. It's interesting that we're totally open generally about talking about every other piece of history that we have.

Mary: People come and tell us for hours!

What their other histories are, yeah! But when it comes to our sexual history, we don't want to examine it. And what I'm suggesting to you, if you want to heal sexual attraction so that it comes into line with the way God designed it, and right at the beginning we described that, you will only ever be sexually attracted to your soulmate no matter who else is around, then to get to that point we're going to have to discuss our sexual attractions by looking at our sexual history, in terms of what we've done in the past. We're going to need to have an openness emotionally and also even intellectually to feeling about our sexual history before we can discover the real reasons why things happen.

Now, what I've found in my own progression, and what I've noticed in almost everybody else who's trying to progress, is that many times there is a deep resistance to discussing the history about anything in particular, but particularly their sexual history, and this deep resistance then causes us to not be able to heal particular things.

10.4.1. Most sexual injury is not related to sex

And the ironic thing about our sexual history is that most of the time it was not created by any warped sexual desires or passions. The reality is, and this is a basic truth, that our sexual history was created most of the time by our unhealed emotions not related to sex at all, but related to other emotions and feelings. [00:24:50.27]

Most sexual injury is not related to sex. The sad irony of our inability to be open in the discussion is that we don't want to be truthful and honest about our sexual history because we feel shame and guilt. Some of the shame is understandable because we sometimes did shameful things and some of the shame is not understandable in that it was imposed upon us by our environment. But either way we don't want to discuss it because at the end of the day we feel there's something inside of us that must be terribly warped. And it's interesting that many people on the planet feel this; "There's something inside of me that's terribly badly damaged and warped and there's something wrong with me, there's basically something intrinsically wrong with my nature that caused me to do this shameful thing that I remember in the past." And the reality is that most of the shameful things that we've done in the past, even the shameful things we've done sexually, are not related to sexual things at all. They're actually related to other emotions and the intensity of the other emotions driving this opening of our sexual desires.

Remember the discussion we had earlier about the chakras and how they were in co-dependent sympathy, in terms of how a co-dependent addiction that's in sympathy between a male and female creates an openness of a flow of energy? And then, in the process of this flow of emotional energy, we then feel what most of us would term, "sexual desire" or "horny." Now, many times these sexual desires are totally unrelated to things that we think they're related to. That's the sad thing! Our lack of ability to discuss it openly is actually making it more hidden than what it needs to be. [00:26:49.12]

Mary: And it takes us further away from uncovering what's driving that injury, what's driving that desire.

This is where it's very important with sexual attraction and sexual injuries; we need to start being willing to examine them even though we are ashamed. Even though we have been ashamed of our past behaviour, we need to examine it. We need to stop justifying any behaviour that's out of harmony with the pure statement. And when I say we need to, it's up to you whether you do it, but if you want to be at-one with God, and you want to be at-one with your soulmate, at some point there needs to be a recognition of any emotion that prevents those two things from being true.

The sexual history is guided by injuries not related to sex, which we need to discuss. If we don't heal them we'll end up feeling no closer to our soulmate and no closer to God because eventually we need to heal everything within us including our sexual injuries to be closer to God. So, that being the case, we need to start discussing with each other the link between sexual feelings and emotions that are in addiction. We need to see the relationship between these two things. We need to understand more fully what sexual attraction really is, what actually causes this feeling of sexual attraction. Now we've already discussed some of those things, but let's discuss it in a bit more detail regarding injuries.

11. The emotional basis of sexual attractions and sexual taboos

Mary: We know that if we all carry no injury, our sexual attraction is naturally and harmoniously only for our soulmate.

That's the pure state.

Mary: That's the pure state. But the situation on the planet at the moment is that most of us have got injuries around our sexuality.

Now we could start on the basis that Mary said. That's the basis from where we start all of the discussions. If we assume for a moment, even though you may not believe it, that this is the pure state. Can you see if that's the pure state, any time when we have felt differently to that must be an impure state, or an unloving state? [00:29:44.27]

Mary: Can I say injured?

We could call it an injured state.

11.1. We need to see our injuries in order to heal ourselves

Now firstly we need to stop condemning ourselves for our injuries. You can't examine your injuries openly while you're condemning yourself for having them because it's the condemnation of them that causes us to go underneath and go, "I don't want to know. I don't want to know. Don't talk to me about that." That's what causes all of our injuries to go underground, our own judgmental attitude towards them. What we need to do is say, "Alright. I accept that there's many times in my life when I have not felt this pure state, so that means in those times I was in an injured state." That's the first point that we need to be aware of. If I have not felt this pure state, then I was automatically in this injured state. We need to stop condemning our injuries. We need to allow ourselves to see ourselves as we really are.

We've just had a discussion with Anna, who was saying, "Hurray, I can see that I'm so ugly!"

Mary: "I'm controlling! I'm so controlling!"

"I'm controlling!" In other words, we can be happy that we can see the truth about ourselves, even when the truth isn't very pleasant.

Mary: And why were you happy, Anna?

Participant: Because you feel joyful that you've heard for so long you're controlling, you have these injuries, and then when you see it in your heart and you feel it, it's like, "I can finally see this and it feels good!" I can see all this error and it's exciting because I can finally see it!

Why is it exciting to see the error?

Participant: Because then I know who I really am and then I can work from there.

Mary: Yeah, you can change. When you're just talking about it or thinking about it and not feeling it, how can you change?

Participant: I can't take any actions.

Mary: It's just a concept.

The first point is that you know what you are at last, but the second point, which is the more important one, is that you can change.

You see while I'm trying to shove any shameful things under the carpet, or any past history under the carpet, or any of those kinds of things, I'm not able to change. I am condemning myself to not changing. As soon as I can know what I am at last and see myself as I truly am in the mirror, there's beauty in it. And that is, I can change! I can get from this point to a different place. I can get from the injured state to the pure state if I want to, right? And it's all based on my desire, if I want to. I can get from that state to the other. [00:33:02.13]

Let's look at the injured state in which we may do particular things. Rather than condemning this injured state, let's start examining what is actually going from an emotional perspective, what is actually happening in terms of which emotions are being denied.

11.2. Taboo sexual practices that people feel shame around

Now what are some of the most taboo sexual practices that you can think of that most people don't even want to discuss?

Mary: Paedophilia.

Paedophilia? In other words sex with children, or desire for sex with children.

Participant: Sex with animals.

Right, bestiality.

Participant: Anal sex.

Participant: Necrophilia.

Necrophilia, which is sex with dead people.

Participant: Incest.

Incest, yeah.

Participant: Forced sex, like...

Mary: Rape?

Participant: Yeah, rape, anything that's like, bondage and that sort of stuff.

Oh okay. There's a difference between those two because one of them is consensual, and the other one is not.

Mary: What does S&M stand for? That's what they call it, isn't it. Sadism and masochism.

S&M. Bondage, and that's different to things like rape and abuse, right?

Participant: Swinging.

Mary: So, yep, swinging. That's like where you swap partners.

Swap partners. Partner swapping. How are you all feeling?

Mary: Is everyone breathing? I can see this is another beautiful image for the next media expose!

Yeah. Don't think that's what we're promoting! (Laughs)

Participant: Prostitution.

Mary: Prostitution. Yep. Group sex.

Tantric sacred sex, although a lot of it is not very sacred. Masturbation, yes. There are many religions that also condemn oral sex. In fact there are many religions that condemn sex for any purpose other than having a child.

Mary: So sexual pleasure.

Sexual pleasure itself, having this view point that holy means to be totally without sex, which is...

Mary: What is that called? Celibate.

Participant: Kind of dirty sex, like sex while menstruation.

Ah yes. What would you call that? Then you have things like weeing on people, which is more like a type of sexual degradation.

Mary: Does that fit in with bondage? Yep.

Yep. Any others you can think of? It's amazing how many things we've come up with, isn't it?

Mary: Homosexuality.

Homosexuality. Yeah, even that is considered...

Mary: Can we put bisexuality as well?

I don't know if it sort of meets...

Mary: I don't know if it's an injury, but bisexuality?

Yes, let's put bisexuality, because there is a feeling that homosexuality on the planet is an injured state but the reality is...

Mary: It's a taboo. Yeah.

Yeah. By the way we're not saying all of these are injured states. We want to just write down all of those things, so maybe we should include homosexuality. [00:39:17.09]

We're not saying they're all injured states, because some of them are and some of them aren't. What we're saying is we have all of these different belief systems about them. Voyeurism, yes. That's good.

Mary: Oh promiscuity, maybe?

Consecutive monogamy. (Laughs) Most of us have done that I think!

Mary: Serial monogamy. Promiscuity, yes.

Promiscuity, yeah, where you've got more than one thing going at the same time.

Participant: Sex with plants?

Sex with plants. Is that a possibility?

Participant: I don't know!

I don't know!

Participant: I heard a guy, he shared a story that he scratched a hole into a tree, and put a bit of meat in it, and then did it!

Fair enough!

Mary: Inanimate objects.

And shall we include in that things like vibrators, blow up dolls, all those kind of things, shall we? Sorry, what was that one? Fruits and vegetables! (Laughs) Okay. Use of inanimate objects, yeah. Asphyxiation, yes.

Mary: Yes. That's common is it? It's said to heighten your sexual pleasure when you constrict the flow of oxygen to your brain.

Oral sex.

Mary: Oral sex. Got that.

We've almost covered most I think, haven't we? We haven't exhausted the list.

Mary: What was that one? Pornography.

Pornography. Very good. Drugs, yes. So drugs with sex, yeah. We could put that in there somewhere.

Mary: Drug and alcohol use. Are we going to go through all of these, babe?

We're not going to get to go through all of these obviously. Any more you can think of while we're at it? Rituals, yes. Sexual rituals.

Mary: Exhibitionism.

So, exhibitionism. We're doing pretty well! I'm starting to worry about all of you!

Participant: I know! Mutilation of the sexual organs of young children...

Yeah I don't know if I'd include that as sexual, to me that's just...

Mary: Child abuse.

Violent abuse. Yeah. Just general abuse. Okay. Well that's a good enough list to start with, isn't it?

Now, every one of these things has an emotional cause, most of which are not connected with sex itself. Now some of these things are pure, for example, homosexuality. There can be pure homosexuality. Remember that we said that when healed, sexual attraction is only for your soulmate, and if your soulmate happens to be of the same gender that you are, then of course that means it's a homosexual relationship. So, homosexuality could be a pure thing, could it not? Some of those things are pure. [00:43:54.24]

Some of them are actually quite negative towards yourself in the sense that they have quite a lot of different unloving emotions involved with different things. And we need to examine these things with a lot more clarity.

11.2.1. Emotions surrounding masturbation

Now, firstly let's deal with masturbation, because it's one of the easiest to deal with. There's a lot of sexual to-do about masturbation, a lot of jokes about it and so forth. You know, if a person's caught masturbating they're usually made to feel quite terrible about themselves, but the reality is quite simple. If you are not allowed to touch yourself sexually, then why is anybody else allowed to touch you sexually? To me the whole reason why masturbation is treated as a taboo is that there is general shame that people have about touching themselves sexually and getting pleasure from their own touch. There's a general shame present. But sometimes masturbation is taken to the extreme. [00:45:23.03]

Mary: An addiction to masturbation.

In other words it becomes an addiction. A person may masturbate on a fairly regular basis but then it may become an extreme. Of course different psychologists would tell you different things about what the extreme is, but in the end much masturbation begins from a very, very simple emotion. It's a feeling of sadness about not being loved; just a simple emotion that we're trying to avoid by having a sexual feeling instead. In fact, the interesting thing about most of the things that are written here, not all of them but most of them, is that why we have that particular desire all comes from some kind of emotional hurt or injury. [00:46:17.07]

Mary: Many people are made to feel like they're very shameful and there's something wrong with them sexually when in fact the core reason that a person may masturbate compulsively is simply about avoiding their own loneliness and sadness.

11.2.2. Emotions surrounding pornography

Now the same thing applies to pornography. A lot of times pornography is actually about a person's sadness. This is why generally more men are involved in pornography than women. It's because more men carry of lot of sexual sadness than women do, because generally men want to have more sex, because they have fewer blockages to sex due to the multigenerational reasons. Remember that we talked earlier about multigenerational reasons for women feeling blocked to sex, things like how they've been abused, how they've been harmed, how sex has been used as a tool to hurt them, violence towards them as a gender and so forth, which cause blockages to sex. And then a lot of men feel the sadness that their partner or women around them are blocked to sex. And because of this sadness they then look for a means to look at women who are not blocked to sex. Unfortunately many of those women are in a rage about sex but that's a different thing; they're less blocked to sex and so pornography becomes a tool to use in order to feel excited sexually.

11.2.3. Emotions surrounding oral sex

Let's look at oral sex. What would most of the taboos about oral sex be involved with, do you think? [00:48:00.12]

Mary: It's not for procreation.

It's not for procreation. So it should be wrong then, according to many religious movements. Can you see that a lot of issues with oral sex are going to be about bodily functions? And not loving the genitalia, not loving genitals but actually feeling an aversion to the genitals. To the smell, taste, and so forth of those functions too. I don't feel oral sex or masturbation is an injured thing unless there are certain things happening along with them. They're not injured; they're just things that are taboos. Remember, we weren't listing injuries here, we were listing taboos, right? And these are all taboos. (Mary changed heading from "injuries" to "taboos" on whiteboard). Yep that's better.

But why would a person feel that oral sex is a taboo? Can you feel about what that would be? Emotionally? [00:49:22.26]

Participant: Because certain things go in certain places? Like, the penis is made for the vagina.

You mean the penis should go in the vagina?

Participant: Exactly.

And nothing else.

Participant: Yeah.

Okay, which is also a reason why anal sex is a taboo then.

Participant: Right.

Yep. Okay, well let's look at oral sex for example firstly. How is a woman's body made?

Mary: That's a fairly broad question!

In terms of sexually? If all pleasure of a woman's body happened internally, right, then it would make sense that sex is just about the penis going in the vagina. But the reality for women is that a lot of their pleasure doesn't happen just internally, does it? You've got the clitoris external to the body. So then does it make sense even from God's perspective that sex is penis in vagina? If a person has a sexual organ that's on the outside of their body, and not on the inside, then how does the justification occur that it all has to happen inside? Obviously there is no justification even from that perspective. [00:50:42.06]

Can you see how a lot of times we accept a sexual norm and then feel bad about it, or feel it's a taboo, and we accept things just because of belief structures that aren't even grounded in any logic? For example, the belief structure about masturbation, is it grounded in any logic? No. If you can't touch yourself, then who else should be able to touch you? Nobody. And if you can't touch yourself and nobody else is allowed to touch you then why was the sexual organ given to you in the first place by God? It makes no sense, does it? The same applies with things like oral sex; if sex is just going to happen inside your body, and not outside of your body, then why would you have a sexual organ that responds to touch or to somebody's licking or something like that outside of your body. It doesn't make any sense, does it? Logically, does it make any sense?

11.2.4. Emotions surrounding celibacy

Celibacy is an interesting one for the same reason. How can celibacy be holy when God, who created your body, created your sexual organs? It doesn't make any sense. Can you see that many of these taboos don't make sense? You can see why some have taboos but for others you can't even really see why there's any taboo associated with them.

Mary: Could we talk, babe, about the specific emotions that might lead us to be attracted to these things that are not really related to sex? Some of the aversions to these things are related to shame about our sexual organs that have been imposed upon us. [00:52:36.26]

Well, let's look at celibacy from that perspective. Why would I be attracted to celibacy? What emotions would cause me to be attracted to celibacy as a way of life?

Participant: Denial. It feels like denial.

Denial of what?

Participant: Of my feelings. Denial of myself. Denial of my urges.

Denial of sexual desire.

Participant: Yes.

Mary: Shame might cause me to deny my sexual desire. What else might cause me?

Participant: Just feeling uncomfortable with it that makes me want to not deal with sex at all, and being focused on being holy and...

Not wanting to deal with any sexual desires through...

Participant: Because I don't want to be sinful.

Okay. A definition of sinfulness. As a result of that I feel that celibacy is my course of action. Anything else? I can think of quite a lot more actually.

Mary: A fear of emotional intimacy.

Fear of emotional intimacy. Big one. Or fear of sexual intimacy. The two big causes. Yes. Anymore?

Participant: Being disillusioned with sex?

Disillusioned with relationships. Yes, very good. And therefore having a lot of grief about relationships.

Participant: Feeling inadequate sexually and so wanting to just shut down completely.

Yes. Feeling that you're not sexually powerful and therefore you'd rather have no sex at all and then call that a place that's holy. [00:54:21.24]

Participant: A belief in purifying through self-punishment.

"The way I become holy is by sacrificing myself, by sacrificing some of my desires."

Participant: Fear of being rejected?

Yes. Fear of being rejected. Definitely with celibacy. Keep going, there are some more. Why do you think the priesthood created celibacy?

Participant: I was going to say something else.

Go on, say something.

Participant: When you're having sex you're without protection and you're exposed to judgement and to harm.

So it's a desire for control.

Participant: No, no, no - the other way round. When I'm exposed to the possibility or the opportunity of being harmed, and I'm naked in that moment I've no protection, I'm not protected against any judgement.

Which is a desire to control.

Mary: If I become celibate...

...I'm now controlling all of my interactions.

Mary: What's the possibility of being harmed?

There's no possibility.

The question I asked earlier was why did the priesthood create celibacy for themselves? Why did they do that? There's an emotional reason.

Participant: To keep the man pure from women?

Yes!

Participant: Because women are lower than men?

So a fear of women is one; a fear of the opposite gender is a major reason for celibacy, a fear of the opposite gender having control of you. That's quite a few emotional injuries in one particular thing, isn't it? All these different emotions that actually generate a particular course of action. Let's choose another one, shall we?

11.2.5. Emotions surrounding S&M and bondage

Mary: Let's choose something particularly... for example S&M and bondage.

Okay. Let's choose that. S&M and bondage.

What might cause us to want to be involved in practices where pain is involved to heighten sexual desire? In other words, sexual desire is heightened while I'm in pain. [00:56:56.13]

Participant: Maybe being punished in their childhood?

Yes, being punished by the opposite gender parent can certainly create that.

Mary: Why does that create a sexual...?

Well when I'm punished by the opposite gender parent, and feel that that's love, now I'm going to have some issues about what surrounds love and sex as a result.

Participant: Or if someone is in a state of numbness, they need a very intense physical experience as to feel something.

Yes, very good. Why would they be in a state of numbness sexually? What would be the underlying emotional reason for that?

Participant: I believe fear of being harmed or anger.

Yeah, or what about even a desire to associate violence with sex? Rather than associate loving kindness with sex? In other words, kindness turns them off. Why would kindness turn you off?

Participant: When you've been treated really unlovingly as a child and perhaps had sexual injury through an adult or a powerful person in your life?

Certainly. Now, this is not an exhaustive list of the injuries associated with one of these particular things, it is just an example of some of the injuries associated with a certain practices. This is about being open enough to investigate these things. [00:58:56.10]

Mary: And very often it is about a sadness or a pain that has occurred in our childhood that was not in a sexual context but because we carry that and associate that with love or intimacy or closeness, then what appears to be a huge sexual injury is created when really the thing to heal is a pain within childhood.

Can I give an example of this? Let's say a man is attracted to S&M. In other words he's attracted to a woman punishing him and he gets sexually turned on as a result. Now, can you see there can be an underlying emotional injury where his mother has already punished him or rejected him and he feels an association between the rejection and that opens him up sexually? When he's being rejected, he opens up sexually. When he's not being rejected, he closes down sexually.

Remember I said that all the sexual feelings, and this is something to remember right from the beginning of our discussion, that they are within us, passing through us. And it happens through the opening of the particular chakra. Imagine if the man was only attracted to a woman who was punishing and rejecting; as long as the woman is rejecting him, he feels sexually attracted. And if she's rejecting him during the sex act he feels even more excited then. But as soon as she stops rejecting him in the sex act, in other words having some form of physical pain or punishment associated with it, now this energy is not passing through him anymore, so he's now blocked. He's now blocked sexually, and he feels like he needs the S&M practice in order to open up sexually again. [01:00:57.13]

Participant: I think you've said it but I want to state also that I think that if there is no emotional association between a certain type of behaviour from the mother, or from the parent generally, the person probably won't partner a trade off for some emotions to flow. I don't know if I say it correctly.

So you're saying that if emotions were denied during a child's development...

Participant: If a child has been abused, they think that's the way that mummy or daddy loves me, there's an association about joyful behaviour towards the child. It associates love and sex with abusive behaviour.

Yes, very true.

Participant: So it can trade off for its emotions with that kind of behaviour towards him, or from him or her towards others.

It feels sexually turned on by that kind of behaviour, rather than any other form, because the injury is that when that kind of behaviour is given to me, then I feel open emotionally.

Participant: And the numbness comes from when I have good behaviour towards me, that doesn't turn me on or that shuts me down actually so I become numb. But when someone shouts or behaves badly towards me, or I behave badly towards someone, that turns me on. [01:02:30.21]

You feel more emotionally connected, yeah.

What about on the giving side? We talked a lot about the receiving side of the S&M, but what about the giving? There's somebody doing the whipping; what are they feeling? What emotions do you feel that they're in denial of? [01:02:50.19]

Participant: I think with sadism it's a revenge for things that happened to them before.

Yes. A feeling of revenge is one of the emotions towards the gender that it's aimed towards.

Mary: What's under that feeling of revenge?

It could be that their opposite gender parent has treated them badly or treated their mother badly; they've treated the same gender as themselves badly and so they only feel powerful sexually when they're connected with this feeling of a revengeful act towards the opposite gender. [01:03:27.13]

Mary: In order to heal that, that person would need to connect to deep feelings of powerlessness and grief.

Yeah.

11.3. Many sexual taboos are based around sexual addictions

Remember that many of these actions that we view as taboos are actually based around addictions. They are actually addictions so that we open sexually, and sexual addictions are very powerful because they are sexual in nature and sex is a very strong feeling inside of our body. We finish up engaging in the addiction that opens us up sexually without dealing with the emotion that shut us down sexually. We're going for the addiction that opens us sexually in order to avoid the emotion that shut us down. If I've been treated badly by the opposite gender parent, I might then feel a degree of rage and anger about that. When I can begin to express that rage and anger towards the opposite gender, or feel a feeling of control towards the opposite gender, now that's my addiction being met. Now I open up sexually as a result of that addiction being met. But if the opposite gender did the same to me, I would be even more enraged and therefore closed down and maybe even close down myself even further as a result.

11.3.1. Emotions surrounding S&M and bondage (continued)

This is what you usually find with S&M type practices; it's very rare to have one person who engages in both the submissive behaviour and the dominating behaviour. Usually one person will engage in the dominating behaviour and not the submissive or vice versa; engage in the submissive behaviour but never the dominating behaviour. It is because of two completely separate injuries based upon interactions with their parents. Nikos?

Participant: You just said it; it is all about control.

Yep. Good.

Participant: The dominatrix feels she has control over the submissive.

It's about sexual control, isn't it?

Participant: Safety. "I'm not afraid of you. I can control you."

"I'm safe, you're not." That kind of feeling is there as well. Yes. Anything else you can think of on the dominating side? Can you see how it's working through? I wouldn't call it working through the emotion. It's living in the unhealed state but needing the unhealed state to open yourself up sexually that causes the attraction to different practices.

11.4. Working through addictions underlying taboo sexual practices

The key is to not condemn the practice. By making it taboo, we condemn the practice. When we condemn the practice, or generally when people condemn the practice, we now stop the openness to actually addressing the emotional injuries that create a practice that's unloving. [01:06:32.25]

Mary: Yeah, I would like to say to not condemn the desire. Some of the practices I feel are very harmful, and I would never condone the practice, but to not condemn the desire is a very important thing because unless you're willing to examine the desire you can't heal it.

The key is to not condemn the desire, but you don't have to act upon the desire. Instead we need to feel the underlying emotion that creates the desire. That's what we need to do.

Mary: Keep in mind that the pure state is "Sex with my soulmate."

In whatever form that may take. But if that takes an S&M-type form, then obviously there are still emotions to deal with because one is dominating and one is submissive. And does that sound like to you like a healed sexual relationship? No, it's not. It's not healed yet. We don't condemn the fact that it's like that but we go through the process of working through the emotions to heal it. That's what we do instead; if we want to be at-one with God, that's what we do. [01:07:53.26]

If we want to be at-one with God, we will always look at the practice, whatever the practices are, and we'll examine them completely from a position of love. We'll ask ourselves, "Well, is it right for me, if I'm addicted to dominating Mary sexually, and whipping her, I'm addicted to that and I can't even connect with any orgasmic feelings within myself unless those particular things are happening to Mary? If that's the case then is that loving for myself or Mary? Surely not. Surely I should be able to connect to sexual feelings and my own orgasm when we're in a loving exchange without me or her dominating the exchange." So we need to question ourselves rather than justify the behaviour.

See, most people on the planet become what I would call rebellious about all of these taboos. Do you know what I mean by that? We basically say, "Well, yes, I am involved with S&M and it's okay for me to be involved in S&M." I'm not actually saying it's not okay, because at the end of the day you have free will and you can do anything you like; even if it is damaging to another person you can still do it. I'm not saying that you haven't got free will, but what I'm saying is, if we ever want to be at-one with God and at one with our soulmate, we do need to address the unbalanced desires that are out of harmony with love in the process.

There's a lot of spirits at the moment projecting at the group, "Can we really say these things?" [01:09:41.02]

Mary: Yeah there's a lot of like, "Whoa, they're really talking about that!"

Can we really say that S&M is bad, for example? I'm not saying it's bad or good, because to me that's a judgement. What I'm saying is, there are emotional injuries involved in the S&M practices, and if we're willing and open we can see those emotional injuries and address them. We don't need to condemn them. We need to address them. We don't need to judge them; we need to address them. That's what I'm saying. [01:10:12.01]

Participant: I just wanted you to list at-one with God sexual preferences, the good ones.

At-one with God sexual practices. Okay! The problem with doing that is that it then seems like a whole heap of rules about what are the proper sexual practices. My suggestion instead of doing that is to start questioning whether love is involved in any sexual interaction. You see, a soulmate couple that has unhealed emotions can certainly still engage in unhealed sexual practices. You can be in a relationship with your soulmate and still have sexual practices that need to be healed. Do you follow me? And the key is to allow yourself to feel the lack of love in these things.

11.5. All sexual injuries need to be healed to become at-one with God

Now if you have a desire for God, you will always eventually progress towards God, and anything that causes you to stagnate in your progress towards God obviously needs to be healed. Sexual practices can certainly cause your stagnation in your progression towards God. This is why some of the people believe holiness and celibacy co-exist, because many times they got to a certain point where the sexual practices were not harmonious with getting closer to God and so they threw away all sexual practices. And they got a bit closer to God because they dealt with some emotions in that process, but unfortunately they can't ever be at-one with God in that place.

11.5.1. Celibacy prevents at-onement with God as much as S&M

While you're practicing celibacy, for example, and this is going to be a very strong statement for many of our spirit friends, you will never be at one with God except under one condition, and that is if it's impossible for you to have sexual interaction with your soulmate. But you still wouldn't be practicing celibacy. You'd still have a desire for your soulmate. So in reality you will never be at one with God by forcing yourself into a state of celibacy.

Celibacy is stopping your at-onement with God as much as S&M bondage practices will stop your at-onement with God. The reason these stop your at-onement with God is that there is domination over somebody else who's submissive. Now obviously that's not an act of love, to dominate and be submissive; both conditions are not an act of love. We would join together equally when we're in an act of love. So an S&M practice, while we may be engaged in it, and it's up to you whether you engage in it, at the end of the day will prevent your at-onement with God as much as a practice of celibacy will. That's the irony.

Mary: Is it as much as?

Yeah! Well it is at one point sooner or later; if I continue practicing celibacy at one point I'm going to stagnate in my condition, and from that moment on I am never going to become at one with God. That condition might be a bit higher than when I have practiced S&M bondage, but at the end of the day they're still stagnant conditions. So they're just as bad as each other preventing us from becoming at one with God. If we're looking at our desire to become at-one with God and at one with our soulmate, both practices will never, never allow us to become at-one with God or at-one with our soulmate. Both of them. Now, the Earth has no judgement of holiness towards celibacy. In fact, they laud celibacy as holy. And yet when it comes to S&M bondage, they condemn that and yet what I'm saying is, both practices will inhibit your desire and longing to become with at-one with your soulmate and at-one with God. Both practices. [01:14:10.14]

Mary: Because they're both denial of emotion.

They're both denial of different emotions, and they're both denial of the pure state. Anything that denies that pure state is going to inhibit your at-onement with the soulmate and at-onement with God. This is what we need to consider; if we condemn S&M and yet just skip over celibacy; from God's perspective the two practices will have just as much impact upon our becoming at-one with God as each other.

Mary: I keep getting stuck on that point because I feel that with S&M I'm actively involved in harming another person, whereas with celibacy I'm harming my own sexual desire.

So what's the difference? Harming another person or harming yourself? Celibacy is harming your soulmate. Celibacy is also harming yourself.

Mary: Sure.

Both are harming in each case. The reality is that both practices will stop you from becoming at-one with God, both practices will stop you from becoming at-one with your soulmate, and so both practices are just as stagnant as each other. They stagnate your progression, each practice as much as the other. In the spirit world at the moment in the sixth dimension there are still many millions of spirits who believe totally in celibacy; they believe celibacy is the only way to connect to God. And what I'm saying to those spirits is, "No, I'm sorry, but you are just as much in denial of God and your soulmate in that state as a person who practices bondage would be." That's what I'm saying. Is that pretty confronting, or what? (Laughs) [01:16:09.16]

Participant: Both these things to me are the extreme ends of the spectrum and you haven't really talked that much about normal day-to-day relationships where most of us enjoy our sexuality and we're married or in good relationships. Or maybe some meet their soulmates later on in life but happen to be married already by that time and have kids and families. Would you advise people like that to go for it and to try to be with their soulmates, or do you deny that and try to sublimate it into a different kind of love? What do you say to people who are in situations like that?

Can we cover this first, and then get to that subject?

Participant: Yes.

We'd certainly like to cover that subject. So if you can remind me if we don't get to that subject within the next fifteen or twenty minutes, I'd love to cover it.

12. Emotions surrounding incest and paedophilia

Participant: I would like to ask about incest and sex with children. Where does the Law of Attraction play a role here? Because with the other sexual practices that we're talking about, except sex with the dead and animals, where maybe there's no consent, we're mostly talking about consent between adults. But with children, I can't understand how does a child attract that?

A child attracts those kinds of events through the unhealed emotions of its own parents. It's its own parents in denial of unhealed emotions that attracts the events for the child. And this is the case for all things that children attract. There is huge damage in paedophilia and incest because not only does it not state the pure state but it is also imposing an adult's will upon an undeveloped soul, a person who's yet to have the development of knowing what is the right thing to do and what is the wrong thing to do, and it is imposed upon them without their consent. Any time you impose something upon an adult without getting consent, you are breaking Laws of Free Will. But if you're imposing something upon a child, whether they give consent or not, you are actually breaking a lot of laws about whether the child is developed or not as well. So paedophilia and incest are very damaging actions to take.

The key though is that we need to look at not condemning the desire. With any person who has the desire for incest or desire for paedophilia we eventually condemn them. In society, we condemn them, we're very angry with them and we do all sorts of things as a result to those particular people. Instead of doing that I'm suggesting to not condemn the desire but rather we need to look at the desire. We need to examine why the desire is present. If we don't examine why the desire is present, the action, which is very, very damaging, will never change. [01:19:17.14]

Mary: The desire will never change.

The desire will never change and therefore they will want to act upon the desire. We want to look at the desire, acknowledge whenever it's present, and start questioning why it exists. The reason we are talking about taboo, things sexually abhorrent to some people, is that I feel that there is such shame and judgment. I do feel paedophilia is a horrible, abhorrent practice, but because there's so much judgement of people who practice paedophilia, they themselves are never encouraged to examine what the desire covers. And so the statistics for healing people who practice paedophilia are pretty horrible. There are very low numbers of people who ever stop having the desire to harm children in that way once they've started, which is why they do it over and over and over again until they die. And it's usually only in the spirit world, because of the openness of people assisting them, that they actually begin to address the emotional reason why they did so many terrible acts towards children.

Mary and I are not saying that it isn't a major problem. It's a major problem on the Earth, but what we're saying is, every time we in society are condemning a person, we are actually stopping them from ever healing their problem, the reason for it occurring, the desire. We need to be able to discuss with them what the problem is all about emotionally and help them through the emotion that causes them to have a desire to have sex with children. That's what we need to do instead. If that means isolating them from children until the desire is healed then that's what we do. But we need to still go through the process of healing the desire.

See, a lot of these different sexual taboos are actually caused by unhealed desires and unhealed emotions. They're caused by emotions that are not even related to sex. Actually some paedophilia-based emotions are not even related to sex. They're related to many other emotions. But we need to be open to seeing the desire and then addressing it and talking about it openly without condemnation and judgement because as soon as we judge the person, as soon as we condemn the person, from that moment on they are unable to heal the emotion. From that moment on they are going to hold onto the emotion and deny it. They'll even try to make out they don't have it when they still have it. And that's not going to get us anywhere when it comes to healing that sexually. [01:22:11.29]

12.1. Children are open to sexual abuse due to unhealed emotions in their parents

Mary: But in answer to your question, children don't have a Law of Attraction. It's based on their parents' Law of Attraction and also it's based on the harm that individual is causing to children. They hold the ultimate responsibility for that and then there are unhealed emotions within both parents that cause the lack of protection if you like for that child, for them then to be harmed.

Many parents can't even recognise when their child has been sexually harmed just once. And the reason why they can't recognise it is that they themselves have emotional injuries that prevent the recognition of such harm. The truth is that when parents are totally open emotionally and totally open sexually they would instantly recognise the danger even before it occurred. They'd recognise the type of person who would be involved in some kind of act of incest, and they would instantly take precautions with that particular person. But for the majority of us as parents, we have different shames and different histories of our own and so forth, and this is why incest happens in a multigenerational sense, in particular if I have been a sexually harmed child. If I deny this emotion within myself and I grow up to be an adult, there are usually only two particular paths I'm going to take. One path is to become a person who abuses children myself. The other path is to become a person who is completely unaware of any abuse of children and therefore my child, if I ever have a child, will be totally open to being abused. [01:24:02.01]

Mary: They're the two paths while I'm in denial of my own emotions.

The third option obviously is for me to heal myself sexually, heal the history of my own abuse, and when I heal the history of my own abuse there is much higher likelihood of my child never being abused because I would instantly recognise the type of person who's the abuser rather than being afraid of them and going into my shell and trying to deny that they exist.

12.2. An example of sexual abuse in the Catholic Church

Participant: In relation to what you just mentioned, referring to the Roman Catholic Church, we have a lot of cases now in Germany who are talking about the sexual injuries they experienced from priests. Would this help the healing process? Of course other priests are condemned, right, they certainly don't look very nice but the victims are speaking openly about what happened to them. I thought it is maybe a way to heal what is there, underlying in the whole society.

Definitely. The truth is the always the thing that leads to healing. The truth of what actually happened is always what leads to healing. Having victims who have had incest able to speak openly and frankly about what's happened to them is a very powerful form of healing for them. They've got to be very careful though that they don't get into the cycle of just talking about what's happened without feeling the actual underlying emotions about what happened. That's the thing they need to take care of. However on the priest side, while the church still protects priests from this whole process...

Mary:...from the consequences of their actions...

... the priests themselves cannot heal.

Mary: You said they were condemned and they are condemned by a lot of society but they're actually almost condoned. They're actually allowed to avoid responsibility for what they've done because of the church.

Participant: And the other thing is that's what AJ said - they had no chance to heal because they are building up a block to hide behind because I think they're full of shame and they must have reasons for that.

Well no, many of them are just full of rage initially, and then other emotions. But while they're not isolated, placed in some kind of psychotherapy, working through the emotional reasons why they chose to harm children, then those priests and ministers have no chance to heal their problem. No chance at all. Now some of them would be very resistive to that of course. They'd be very resistive to having any form of that happening. However in the spirit world, that's what's going to happen to them either way because the Law of Attraction in the spirit world works perfectly and once those ministers get into a state where they acknowledge what they've done, from that moment on they have a chance to heal. Now any person who does not acknowledge what they've done just needs to then be kept in isolation until they acknowledge what they've done. [01:27:29.02]

Participant: Most of these priests who have been accused of having done that are retired or about to be.

But they're not in isolation.

Participant: No they're not in isolation.

The reality is that many of them have not been placed in some kind of isolation where they can no longer harm children.

Participant: This is true.

They still have the desire in them to harm children, and they're in society where there are children and yet they're not in isolation. They need to be placed in some form of isolation but the isolation needs to be non-condemnatory and loving, where it helps them work through the emotional injuries - that's the sole purpose of the isolation. It helps them work through their emotional injuries until such a point as they no longer have the injury. When they no longer have the injury, then they can re-enter society and they'll be safe to be with because they'll actually have a desire for their soulmate rather than a desire to sexually abuse children. [01:28:27.06]

Participant: I think the people in Germany right now work much more with the victims. And I thought it was a good idea that they come into the open because I think there are so many cases when victims do not speak. And all of a sudden they do speak up after twenty or thirty years. And I was amazed about this, like a volcano that is erupting. Things like this are erupting so everything comes in to the light.

Yes. The problem with society generally is that we as a society do not want to know about child abuse. We do not want to know or even most of the time accept that it's actually happening. And the reality is that it's happening in many families on this planet, at least one in three families on this planet in fact. In reality there are huge amounts of child abuse on the planet and because there's so much about there are many guilty people. And then the reason why we don't want to talk about it is that many people who feel guilty don't want to speak about it. And many of the people who have been abused don't want to speak about it either because they feel ashamed and guilty. They feel like they've been to blame somehow. They don't really understand how, but that's the feeling that's present, and as a result of that, there is a huge amount of suppression of the truth about abuse on the planet and that's what causes the shutdown of healing it. [01:29:53.06]

12.3. How to deal with children who are being abused

Participant: May I ask you a very personal question? Because I'm a teacher...

Yep.

Participant: I have a lot of kids who are either sexually abused or abused by violence and sometimes I do not know how to handle it. I give them the chance as often as possible to talk to me and I tell them, "You have the right for your feelings, not acting it out," which some of them do. But then in the end I feel very helpless. I don't know what to do and I was going to ask you, what can I do? Because in my class I have some cases which are quite serious.

The best thing you can ever do for a child who is being abused is to prevent the abuse.

Participant: How can I do that? I cannot go to the home.

Well you need to report it.

Participant: Yes I reported it. We intervene with the social workers but then we already experience how limited these institutions are because if parents deny and the doctor doesn't testify that it was abuse, the abuse will continue.

Of course, and this is where every single person involved in the reporting of it needs to take a good look at their own condition. Why are they in denial of something that's obviously harming a child? And what we need to see as a society is that there is a deep denial that these things are occurring in society; many people who are in positions of responsibility in society are actually denying their existence. This is also the reason why the Catholic Church for example denied the existence of paedophilia within the ranks of the priesthood; they want to maintain a semblance of order of their society, and they want to deny the truth of what's actually going on in many cases. And we all need to look at our own part in the denial of these truths and our own emotions. [01:31:43.13]

If I've reported a sexual abuse issue to the authorities, and I've done all I can to say something about that and still no action is taken, then I've got to look emotionally at why no action is being taken. That's part of my Law of Attraction. That's part of my soul attraction. I need to go through my own feelings of frustration, my own feelings of anger and rage towards the abuser, my own feelings of sadness about the abuse occurring. And often when I go through those emotions then the child will actually get looked after. We need to see that everything happening externally is a Law of Attraction event for something that we need to personally work through. In my own case, when ever I've noticed a child abused, the very first thing I do is give them the opportunity to get out of the family household if they're old enough to do so. Now, in some cases that's meant they've come and stayed in my house for a period of time.

Participant: We are not allowed to do that.

I know. Can you see what's the problem? You say you're not allowed to do that. I'm sorry I can't agree with that at all.

Participant: That we are not allowed to do that?

No I don't agree that you're not allowed to do it. You've got a fear of authority that causes you to feel you are not allowed to do that.

Participant: Not really, but I have to think about it or feel about it.

Yeah. We don't act because we've got a fear of our own self being harmed in some way if we act in the manner that we feel driven to do. If I'm very, very sure that a child is being abused, my feelings are that I want to take very strong action about that. Now if the society tells me I'm not allowed to, I say, "Well blow that!" I still need to act, no matter what's going to happen from society as a result. Do you follow me? Just like I would with any other truth. If I strongly feel that a child is being harmed, then why wouldn't I act even at the risk of my own harm. Can you see that I have an emotion where I'm so much afraid of my own harm that I'm not willing to take the child out of harm? This is where we need to deal with our emotions, every person involved with these issues of child abuse. [01:34:19.14]

12.4. Spirit interactions are very common during sexual abuse

Participant: I've been really scared to ask this question and every time I try to my son Luca comes back in, and I feel really awkward talking about this with him here.

Yep, and Luca just walked back in the room. (Laughs)

Participant: I have my own history and I wanted to ask a question around spirits and how they affect you, because it's something that I noticed recently. I read a book called "Tiger Tiger," which is a memoir about a lady who's been abused, and I read the book in a day. It's over 300 pages and I couldn't put it down. But I didn't cry and I didn't really connect too much apart from sexual feelings and I was kind of disgusted with myself.

So feelings of sexual desire rather than...

Participant: Yeah, arousal.

Rather than any sadness or anything like that.

Participant: Yeah. And I felt really disgusted with myself.

Well there's the starting point. The sexual disgust of yourself for feeling aroused when you're reading about somebody's abuse is actually condemning the emotion within yourself before you even begin to investigate it. So rather than condemning the emotion, let's investigate it.

Participant: Yeah. In the book she talks about, it's from the age of seven to twenty two. And at the age of thirteen, when the actual sex starts, she creates a lady called Nina, who she becomes. It's beautiful how she's written it. It's like, she can make nothing something and she just basically totally detached; it's total detachment. She's got an alter ego. When I was reading that bit I suddenly realised that that's what I've had all my life. I've had Anna, who's actually a spirit as well. [01:36:33.23]

Yep. And I suggest this Nina was a spirit as well.

Participant: Okay. Right. So I read the book and I thought okay, so her Nina is my Anna. I get that. But still no emotion. And then I spoke to my counsellor; as soon as I walked through the door I was all cocky and detached. It was, like, "I read this awesome book," slapped it down and just burst out crying and cried for an hour and a half. Sobbing.

So you didn't get to talk about it at all. Yeah.

Participant: Yeah. Sobbing, "Oh I can't believe it" because I realised from reading the book that Anna, who's like my detached self, had gotten really excited reading the book. But then, I actually connected emotionally with someone who I felt no judgement from, and I didn't even talk about it with my partner Mike. I was so scared of what had happened reading the book. I just spoke first to my counsellor, which of course affects our relationship. And it just seemed really amazing, the spirit influence and how a lot of my life, even before I was sexually active, I would get turned on thinking about incest situations. And I didn't understand it, and just thought that I was dreadful.

Yeah. Can you see now that that was Anna's unhealed emotion that she projected at you? The spirit is projecting this emotion at you. Why would a spirit get turned on about incest?

Participant: Well, what I came to was that it's actually the complete 180, so when I connected emotionally I felt terrified.

Yes. I agree.

Participant: But when I'm detached I feel turned on.

When you're detached what's happening though?

Participant: The spirit is...

The spirit is feeling through you.

Participant: Yeah.

What is she feeling? What's her feelings?

Participant: Excited.

She's excited. Why would a person, a woman spirit, be excited by the act of incest?

Participant: I don't know.

Have a feel about it. Because it's quite obvious. There are only two possible reasons why she would be excited, really.

Participant: Because she's an abuser?

One of those reasons is that she's an abuser. In other words that she abused children while she was Earth. That's one potential reason. And she then steps in when you're getting abused. When you go out of your body she then steps in and looks after that thing because she actually likes it then. Does that feel truthful to you?

Participant: I feel that she's my friend.

I know you feel that she's your friend. You feel that she was your friend. You feel she was your friend because she saved you from feeling the feelings. But the reality is that she likes the feelings. That's why she steps in at that point. There's only one other reason why she would do it. Remember I said that there were two reasons for it.

Mary: What's the other reason?

But you're going to very much want the reason to be the second reason. You're not going to want the reason to be the first reason, but the first reason is the most dominant reason. That's why I said it first. The second reason is that she herself has had some sexual abuse, and she is yet to grieve it, and she actually felt the enjoyment of it as a child and therefore she still wants to continue to feel that same enjoyment. That's the only thing that turns her on. That's the second possible reason.

Participant: Yeah I want that one.

Yes I know you want that one.

Mary: Course you do.

I know you want that one. But this is the problem. The problem with spirits is that often they connect us to the feelings we don't want. We don't want to come to acknowledgement of the truth. To be frank with you, almost all sexual abuse of children, all paedophilia and incest related issues involve a number of spirits, almost all of them, both on the receiving end and on the giving end of the abuse. On the receiving end many of the children go out of body because of the terror that they feel. They step away from their body and other spirits come in and actually act out the opposite emotion to what the person who owns the body at the time actually feels. The owner of the body often feels terrified and terrible but the person stepping in feels under control, powerful and often enjoys the interaction. And so then that creates even more confusion for the paedophile himself because he's going, "But you liked it." You see many paedophiles explain this, that they feel the child liked it. Unfortunately the child wasn't the person experiencing it; the child had stepped out of body and unfortunately a spirit had stepped in its place who did enjoy the process. [01:41:44.29]

And this is where understanding the truth of all of these interactions is very, very important to healing the emotion. The first one feels truthful even though you don't want it to be, doesn't it? And this is the problem. Much of the time these people who come to save us from a terrifying situation are not the good people we believe them to be, but rather a person who is a predator in their own right. That's why they come in, in those situations. And that's why she tries to encourage those situations. So yeah, it's very damaging to the person who's been abused. Very confusing emotions and this is why much of childhood abuse is not actually ever healed because the full dynamic of what's happening does not include understanding the spirit dynamic.

Mary: You'll find the truth about it, Fi.

Yeah. I think you already know the truth about it. Have you got any more questions about it? It makes sense though, doesn't it?

Participant: I've had conversations with Anna, and she showed me, well I've felt like I've remembered huge parts of my spirit life with her, as best friends, and that it's like this friendship that I've never had on Earth, which is why I'm so needy with women and we're like this, (crosses two of her fingers together) we're like tied together, and then I felt like we, Mike and I, moved her on one night.

Think of all the women who you have these kind of relationships with on earth. (AJ crosses two of his fingers together.) Have any of them proven to be your friend?

Participant: No.

Haven't most of them proven to be more domineering over you? Haven't most of them been controlling of you? Why would that be any different to this attraction?

Participant: Yeah, a lot of lies.

Yeah. And this is the problem; that there are a lot of lies involved in sexual abuse of children both on the part of spirits and on the part of people on Earth. You think of how much lies have been a part of your family, where you've had memories of these things now, but both mum and dad are in denial. In other words both wish to lie about these issues, and then on top of that you've got spirits lying to you at the same time. How confusing is this for a child? Very difficult. They are very difficult emotional things to deal with. [01:44:32.05]

12.5. An example of a woman with genital pain resulting from likely sexual abuse

Participant: Thank you. I just wanted to thank Fi for sharing that anyway because that's helped me. I don't know if I'm going to be able to ask this question because I'm just really shaking, sweating all over.

Yeah, you're very afraid Hannah.

Participant: I've had a problem with pain down below since I was young and I've never known why. It's been from a very young age. Mum said I was always really sore, like just taking my nappy off and seeing how sore I was and every time I'd have sugar or not drink enough water I would just get really red raw sore. I managed to be able to control it by not having so much sugar or just drinking loads of water, or having lemon or something, and then when I started my first sexual relationship, I went on the contraceptive pill and I started to have pain there all the time. Just round the entrance of the vagina. And it's never gone away. It's like, bright red sore and if I have sex with my partner, it takes me about a week for that skin to recover because it's just so painful. And I'm obviously really scared because I never shake like this.

So you'd like to know what it's about?

Participant: I really wanted to ask the question because I don't know the link with the sugar thing because whenever I breastfed my little boy he would scream every time I fed him and he would crunch up in pain and he couldn't hold the milk. He'd just poo it straight out and I worked out that it's like he couldn't have the lactose, the sugar in my milk. So at six weeks old I had to decide I couldn't feed him any longer but I sat on an express pump for four and a half months so that he'd still get my milk that I could treated to take the lactose out. He's still got a problem with sugar, and he just goes really hyperactive and I've no idea what the sugar thing is, but also obviously because of that continuous pain down below. But I wanted to ask a question. And I need a shower now!

So what's the question, Hannah?

Participant: I'm just really stuck with what even it could be to do with, and why I just have continuous pain there. I mean it's sensitive to the touch without saying obviously it's just round the area where I have sex. It's just painful.

And has your mum mentioned to you when it began in you?

Participant: Mum did say when I was young, like a baby. But it's really strange when Fi was just talking about her interactions with spirits and sexual abuse, I remember going to hypnotherapy because I've got real anger issues with my dad and I remember mum just saying... you know when you said about "they wouldn't even know the child's being abused or something?" I remember her saying, "Well don't let them convince you that you may have been sexually abused because I know that you were never abused." And I don't know why she'd just say that.

So when you went for therapy...

Participant: Hypnotherapy, yeah.

Your mother said, "Don't let them convince you you've been abused."

Participant: Yeah. She said that to me.

Okay. No worries. Well the truth is you may not have been abused by a person on Earth. But that doesn't mean that you haven't been abused, for a start. You see it's possible through the unhealed emotions of our parents for spirits to influence our body and therefore touch our body and we feel the sensations of that touch because of the unhealed emotions of our parents. So let's look at your mum's emotions about sex. Let's start there. What are her emotions about sex that you know of? Has she ever talked to you about it?

Participant: I know she told me that she was touched by someone when she was about five years old who was a friend of the family, who she really trusted.

She's told you she's been abused.

Participant: Yeah but she only told me probably within the last year.

Okay. Her own emotions will have had a large effect on your body when you were a little baby. Do you understand?

Participant: Okay. She seemed like she wasn't really bothered about it but you know, I don't understand that.

No, most people who seem like they're not very bothered about abuse happening in their own life have yet to fully deal with the emotion or have gone through the whole process which is quite traumatic, and they have come out the other end. I've been through it myself so I know what the process is. Now I suggest to you your mother has not come out the other end, because if she had, your body would not be responding to her denied emotion. Your body, when you were little, was responding to her denied emotion about her own abuse. Do you understand? [01:50:03.02]

Participant: Okay.

12.5.1. Spirits can sexually abuse children directly or indirectly through people on Earth

Now in that state she would also be completely open spiritually to you being abused. Because she's in so much denial herself, she's completely open spiritually. Now that completely opens you to the potential of abuse on the Earth, and it definitely opens you to the potential of abuse by spirits.

Participant: Maybe that's why I have those night terrors.

Exactly. So you will find in the end that many of these feelings you have are linked together, once you allow yourself to investigate. Many people on Earth have not been abused sexually by another person on Earth, but rather have been abused by spirits who have been able to touch the person because of the unhealed emotions of their parents. In other words, the mother of a child has been abused and she does not wish to deal with her emotions of being abused. That now allows an opening for a spirit to abuse her own child. And then the mother says, "But I never let you be abused, I've checked you, I've kept an eye on you all the time," not understanding that she has no way of keeping an eye on the spirits who are involved in her daughter's life; the only way she has control of them is through healing her emotions about the issue. That's the only way she can prevent the abuse from spirits. [01:51:28.25]

And so what we find, once we've talked to them about this, is that many people start having the memories of a spirit abusing them, rather than a person on Earth. However, many spirits do not want to participate in the abuse alone. They want a person on Earth to be involved in the abuse of a child. And so many spirits over-cloak a person on Earth, and show them which child is open to abuse by the unhealed emotions of their parents. In other words, they find a mother or a father who's been abused, they look at whether they have a child or not, and if the father or mother has not dealt with their abuse emotions, the spirit now has the opening to abuse the child. And the spirit then connects with a person who's near them, who has sexual desires related to connecting with a child, and then motivates that person into actually abusing the child sexually. That happens in almost all cases of abuse where a spirit has influenced another adult to actually abuse a child that has been open to it because of the unhealed emotions of the parents involved.

12.5.2. Being open to discovering the truth about potential sexual abuse

Participant: Okay. There's something I know for sure, when you're talking about that chakra flowing thing. I don't have contact with my dad but I did see him a couple of months ago, which was a big mistake, but whenever he used to be around I could never sit next to him and I can't look in his face, but I can feel this interference in my base chakra. I can just feel this horrible interference. I've had that for a long time, but I never used to understand and I used to just sit away from him.

You need to start trusting these feelings you have, Hannah, and letting yourself feel about them. If you can trust the feelings without condemning them, it'll lead you to the truth. What you're doing a lot is denying the feelings, not trusting them, because your mother in particular is telling you, "That's not true. That's not true. That's not true. I would never allow that to happen to you," and so forth and the reality is that while she has the unhealed emotion within herself, she is automatically allowing the potentiality of it happening to you. That's the reality. [01:53:47.23]

Participant: Because in my teenage years I was so angry with my dad. I just used to provoke a fight all the time just so I could get in a physical fight. We'd have physical fights about three or four days a week where I'd get really beaten but I wouldn't feel much of it. I suppose I was out of body but I just used to want to provoke those fights.

Yeah. You need to look at these feelings you have towards your father. Now there's a potential of two things there too. One potential is that you're actually so connected to your mother that you're feeling her unexpressed rage towards your father...

Participant: Yeah, she has got rage.

...and her unexpressed rage towards men because of her abuse. Or it could be that your father was involved in some kind of sexual molestation of yourself. They are the two potentials. Allow yourself to feel about those potentials rather than denying the feelings.

Participant: Okay.

Mary: It's really important to just let yourself feel the feelings, not draw any assumptions, not...

Not make conclusions.

Mary: Don't draw any conclusions. Just let your body and your feelings have their experience, and at the end of it you will know what the truth is.

Yeah, does that make sense, Hannah? Like, if you let yourself feel the feelings, that is the only way that you'll eventually end up with a conclusion. If you try to draw conclusions before you feel the feelings, you're not going to resolve the truth of this matter. [01:55:12.01]

Mary: And let the feelings have their conclusion as well. Not start to have feelings and go, "Right, I know what the truth is." You know, let yourself really experience these different feelings that you have.

The issue of incest on this planet is very murky because of spirit involvement. Every time I've ever seen a person on the receiving end of incest, there has always been involvement spiritually on the receiver and the person who's perpetrating the violence. This makes it very murky and very hard to resolve the truth until we're through all of the emotion, and therefore until we're accepting all of the feelings.

Participant: Cool. Thank you.

Good on you. Good on you for being brave too.

13. The dynamic of sexual projections between fathers and daughters

Participant: For a child, how subtle can sexual abuse be?

I don't feel it's subtle at all.

Participant: I mean, what...

Mary: What constitutes...?

You mean, how does a child feel abuse sexually?

Participant: No. I mean...

I mean, like if a man is just projecting sexually at his daughter, how does the daughter feel about that?

Participant: Yes. How subtle is the projection? It may be the occasional kiss or...?

If an adult male has a sexual feeling towards his own daughter, whether he acts upon that feeling or not, the daughter will feel that feeling, and it will feel quite bad for her. Now, she may in fact find herself acting in a couple of different ways as a result. She may then feel very attracted to daddy because daddy's giving her feelings that she doesn't recognise and cannot separate as feelings that should be only going to her soulmate, and as a result of that she starts feeling feelings for her dad that she doesn't understand. And that causes a distortion in all of her subsequent sexual relationships. Just the feeling of sexual attraction coming from a parent towards a child or an adult towards a child is automatically disturbing for the child if the child is open and unprotected from that feeling. [01:58:19.11]

Participant: Can we say that any extra special attention, besides your soulmate or your partner, to anyone is a sexual...

Well let's raise this issue more fully if we can. If you think about a situation of a man, his wife, or his partner, and their daughter, the child. Now, many times the man has certain feelings about his wife and his wife has certain feelings about him. When his wife does not return the feelings that he's expecting from her, as a part of love, and he remains in a relationship with her, if there is another woman or a girl around him, he will begin projecting some of those feelings towards her. Now they might not be sexual feelings. They might be feelings of, like, "I want a woman to listen to me." So instead of projecting, "I want my soulmate or my wife or my partner to listen to me," and the wife has said, "No, no I don't want to listen to you. I'm tired of listening to you. I'm tired of listening to men," or "I don't want to listen to men," so she's blocked to that. She's not giving that back so he substitutes his daughter in place of his wife for that feeling. And the daughter will often then engage it because she wants daddy's approval and acceptance and love and attention and so forth, and now the daughter has supplanted or replaced one of the roles that the wife by nature should have in the relationship. [01:59:58.01]

Mary: Sometimes it's not a role that the wife would lovingly have. It may be that he's very demanding.

I mean it's a role that he expects the woman to have.

Mary: Yes.

What he expects from the woman. He is now no longer expecting it from his wife or partner, but now he's expecting it from his daughter. This automatically creates a distortion in his relationship with his daughter. It also creates a distortion in her. She is now going to have an undue connection with her father that normally she would be giving to her soulmate, to somebody else instead. So now there's a tie.

This man might have an expectation of his wife that she does other things, for example that she likes his body. He might parade around naked in front of his wife, wanting his wife to like his body, and his wife doesn't like his body. So he continues to parade around naked, but now he parades around naked in front of his daughter. There's going to be a projection, "Do you like my body? Do you like my body?" He's still not engaged in any sexual act with his daughter, but if she then accepts that projection and has a feeling of liking daddy's body, can you see now she is going to want somebody that has the same body as daddy to connect to sexually? It's distorting her desires and passions even further.

He might have another emotion: he first attempts to go to his wife, where he wants his wife to recognise that he is the provider and supporter of the family. He's the provider, he's the man who makes everything secure. And she might go, ""You don't make me feel secure, I'm totally able to be care for myself, thank you very much." If he's still in his expectation and his addiction, he then projects at his daughter; "I'm the person who protects you, I'm the person who makes you feel secure and I'm the person who makes you feel safe." Now she of course doesn't have the same feelings as the wife and so she will feel back to him, "Yes, daddy, you make me feel safe and secure. I love this relationship with you. It makes me feel like I'm a good woman and I'm safe and secure." [02:02:25.20]

Can you see what's happening? He may still have sex with his wife and she may still give to him sexually, that might be still happening, but he would need to heal all of these other emotions if his expectations were out of harmony with love or that would normally go to his soulmate in a pure relationship. Instead of healing them he's now projecting them at his daughter. And his daughter is going to respond emotionally to that because she is undeveloped, she's unable to determine whether this is right or wrong. She's unable to say, "No, you know, I shouldn't have this with daddy. I should have this with my soulmate," or whatever, and she will actually finish up having a very, very close bond with her father that she doesn't wish to give up.

A father who does not get addictions met by his wife can create co-dependent addictions with his daughter

And in fact, when the daughter grows up to be an adult woman, able to engage sexually with other men and so forth, she engages with other men sexually but every other part of the soulmate relationship is still actually aimed at her father. And her father treats her partner okay provided her partner doesn't take away any of these other emotions that he's getting from her. So while she's giving him a feeling, "You're my safety and you're my security," she's fine. But as soon as she projects that at her partner he is now jealous of this man, and he gets angry and upset and all sorts of things start happening. Now, these dynamics are very, very common. None of them come from a sexual injury in the sense of where sexual incest has actually occurred. But there are sexual injuries that cause the man to not deal with the issue with his partner, and causes them instead to seek the same emotions from his daughter. [02:04:30.12]

Mary: And then it actually creates a great deal of sexual injury in the daughter.

In the daughter. She will then act upon these injuries with other males as a result of the injuries that have been created in her.

Participant: Yes. It's like a soul-based sexual energy exchange.

Yes, well, he might actually feel that she should be asexual. He might project, "A good woman doesn't have sex with anybody." He might project that at her. And she says, "No worries, daddy, a good woman doesn't have sex with anybody. I'm a good woman so I'm not going to have sex with anybody. I'm not going to actually connect sexually with anybody." But then she might want to have attention or she might want to have affection, so how does she get this? She either gets the affection from her father, in other words she sits on his lap and he gives the hugs and so forth, or she tries to get it from another male in competition with her father which he doesn't like. So she has to risk the anger and rage of her father in order to join with another male in that regard. [02:05:34.25]

Mary: And because she's received this message that a good woman is asexual, as soon as she tries to connect sexually with another man, there's huge amounts of shame triggered within her.

Because a good woman is asexual, and not a sexual being. Really it's the unhealed emotions in this dynamic between the husband and wife that create the desires being pushed to the child, which then means the child now has these unhealed emotions sexually, and now when the child enters a relationship as an adult, there's competing factors. There's the daughter's partner competing with the father for her sexual interest. And so, can a soulmate joining actually occur if this is her soulmate? No. A soulmate joining cannot occur until she heals these unfortunate injuries within herself. And while she goes through the process of attempting to do that, it's highly likely she's going to receive her father's rage at the same time because he's used to getting all these emotions from her. [02:06:44.24]

13.1. In a perfect family the father would only have soulmate-related energy exchanges with his wife

Participant: So in the perfect family, a man would just engage in an energy exchange with the partner only and just show an example to the child?

That's correct. In a perfect family, even if the emotions aren't healed, in a good relationship mum and dad will have these exchanges. He will have a feeling, she will have a feeling, he will have a feeling, she will have a feeling.

In a good relationship all energy exchanges should take place between the father and mother

Now some of the exchanges are where he will have a feeling for her but she doesn't have a corresponding feeling for him. The first thing he would need to do, is begin to question himself; "Do I have a unloving expectation of my wife? Is that why she's not giving me this thing?" He needs to work his way through that. Now if he's worked his way through that and he feels that the exchange is a loving exchange, then he would need to talk to her about that and she would need to look at it.

For example, if he always listens to her but she never listens to him, that's an unloving exchange, isn't it? One person is listening, the other person is not. What he would need to do then is say, "Okay, why is it you do not want to listen to me? He would firstly need to feel some grief about the fact that she doesn't want to listen to him. But instead he often says, "Right, my wife's not listening to me, so instead I'll get the next girl in my family," whoever that happens to be, sometimes it's his mother rather than his wife but sometimes it's his daughter rather than his wife or a cousin or a niece other than his wife. [02:08:31.26]

Mary: Daughter in law.

Daughter in law, even. He will look for another woman to fulfil that emotionally. And it's the process of looking for the other woman to fulfil him emotionally that creates the emotional damage in the other person.

If a father doesn't get a feeling from his partner, he can project that demand onto his daughter

Mary: He would still have exchanges with his daughter, obviously, but they wouldn't be based on the soulmate relationship.

He wouldn't be trying to get from his daughter what he would normally get from a partner.

Mary: If he's a really loving dad he's not trying to get anything from her.

Participant: He would engage her free will...

He would just love her. He would love her, care about her, and teach her about her own will and her own desires. He wouldn't impose any of his own desires upon her. [02:09:17.04]

Participant: Thank you.

It's a good question actually, Igor. It was actually a subject Mary and I wanted to cover as well.

14. Sexual attraction in relationships

Let's discuss a normal relationship that seems relatively happy.

14.1. Most relationships are due to co-dependent addictions

So we have a woman and a man in the relationship. If it seems happy, and it may be happy, there is only one of a couple of different possibilities. One is that they are in many co-dependent addictions with each other. For example, I desire that a woman listens to me, and Mary always listens to me. [02:10:06.14]

Mary: As long as you (laughs) give me a house...

But only as long as I make her feel safe.

Mary: Yep.

So she desires that I make her feel safe, and I always make her feel safe. Now I suggest to you that while that relationship will feel very harmonious, it is actually not a soulmate relationship. While I have an expectation and a demand that something gets fulfilled, I am not actually loving. If I have a feeling inside of myself that I want to make Mary feel safe, the question has to be asked "Why doesn't Mary feel safe already without me being in her life? And making her feel safe, is that love?" Surely she needs to feel her fear of unsafeness and once she gets through that she'll automatically feel safe. She won't need me to make her feel safe. You see love doesn't need the other person to give it anything. As soon as I require something of Mary I am being unloving. But you see, what happens on the Earth most of the time is the opposite to this. I have an emotion at Mary, even just a simple emotion like: a good woman will always make my dinner every night, just a simple emotion like that. And Mary feels like, "Yes, I want to make his dinner every night. That's my role. That's how I feel..." [02:11:30.23]

Mary:...that's how I feel important and I'm good.

We are now in a co-dependent addiction. We are now sympathetic in our attraction.

Many happy couples are in co-dependent addictions

It'll feel great because I get my meal every night and Mary gets to feel important every night. It'll feel great to both of us, but the reality is that there is still healing to happen in the relationship. Now, anything like that is also generally going to mean that we're open sexually to each other. While Mary is meeting my co-dependent addictions and I am meeting her addictions, there's a high likelihood we'll also have some sexual bond during that state. But when you no longer meet the addiction it's interesting what happens then.

14.2. Sexual attraction diminishes as addictions are no longer met

For example, Mary might no longer meet my addiction. I come home from a hard day's work, and I find Mary's been out there by the pool for the whole day and there's no meal, and I've been hard at work, chipping away at concrete or something all day. What am I feeling now? I'm now feeling, "Wow, my addiction is not met." No of course I don't feel that, do I? Because I don't even recognise it's an addiction! I just feel she doesn't love me. Immediately. Because I'm no longer getting this addiction met, I then automatically go into this state, "What's happening? Have you got another guy? What happened to my meal?" Many times it goes from one state to a completely different state as a result. And from that particular night, do you think that I'm going to be very attracted to Mary? No, because my addiction is not getting met and I'm angry. I'm upset. And anger is a major impediment to sexual attraction.

Now we need to understand that many times this co-dependence exists in a relationship, and one or both need to have the desire to challenge it if we want to grow towards God. Many people don't want to grow towards God, and they're perfectly happy staying in a co-dependent addiction with their partner all their life. And I say to you, "Well fair enough, if that's what you want to do. You're allowed to do that because you've got your life and it's your life. Nobody else's. You're allowed to stay in these seemingly very happy co-dependent addiction roles with each other if that's what you wish." But that is not a soulmate relationship and it also means that you'll never be at-one with God because you have co-dependent addictions. It means that you have expectations and demands which are unloving and anything that's unloving in us has to be confronted if we're going to become at-one with God. As long as you both have a strong desire for God there's a good chance that you'll want to deal with any co-dependent addictions within you - provided you both have a desire for God. But if you don't have a desire for God and you only have a desire for each other and you feel quite happy with this dynamic of "I do things for you, you do things for me" going on for the rest of your life, then you'll probably stay the rest of your life in that relationship and feel quite content about the relationship. But that is not a soulmate relationship. That's only two people getting what they want from each other. [02:15:11.16]

Mary: And eventually the process of barter, which is essentially what's happening there, can get very tiring and taxing and anger can start to build, and this is when sexual relationships start to disconnect, because I might just start feeling like it's always expected and I don't want to make your dinner. I might keep making your dinner, and suppress the rage and...

... and be resentful.

Mary: And then I want distance sexually.

If the sexual connection starts separating in the relationship, that's a very good indication that other things in the relationship are in denial. Not the sexual connection, but other things such as what's happening from a love perspective between the two of us. I might still have the demand upon Mary to cook my meal every night, but she now feels annoyed with this demand. She's done it for twenty years now. Well you'd be annoyed after twenty years of having to make the evening meal every night and nobody makes an evening meal for you. Isn't that quite annoying? Sooner or later it's going to be but she might deny that. She might say to herself; "Oh I've got a loving relationship, everything's fine. There's just this one thing that's a bit of a problem." [02:16:33.18]

Mary: Very often we don't even acknowledge that one thing, do we? We just submerge it and suddenly there's no sexual desire.

And all of a sudden I don't feel anything or she doesn't feel any desire to make love. And then as a result of that, I'm going, "She doesn't want to make love to me anymore," and I go, "What's wrong? What's wrong? Why don't we want to, you know, what's it...?", and she just says, "I don't know. I don't know. It's something... I just don't feel sexy anymore or sexual desire for you anymore," and we can be in so much denial that we don't even know...

Mary:... what's happening.

What's actually really happening.

Mary: The other thing that can happen is that we're in strong addiction with each other, and for the early part of our relationship that creates a sexual connection because there's this feeling, "Oh you make me feel nice. I make you feel nice." We have a sex life. It's regular and we feel like it's quite enjoyable. But say I'm a woman who's carrying a lot of shame from my mother and some abuse in my childhood and some issues that happened when I was at high school, I've suppressed them. Now earlier in my life I could get over those things because of this nice feeling thing and we just have sex but eventually the suppression is building and it's going to start to create anger inside of me and then I can suddenly feel like, "Oh I don't have a sexual desire at all," and not understand why. [02:17:56.06]

14.3. Developing a pure relationship

Yep. Now I put to you that God created every single human soul to enjoy the soulmate relationship, and when you enjoy the soulmate relationship, you will wonder why you would ever contemplate any other relationship. And this is the problem on the planet; we are often in so much fear about losing our current relationship that we don't embrace the potentialities that are available to us. So what I suggest is that you may even be with your soulmate, but not be in a soulmate relationship because remember a soulmate relationship's based on purity of truth, desire and purity of love. That's when the soulmate relationship really starts developing. My suggestion is that if you're in a good relationship, then start asking yourself, "Is it purity in truth? Is it purity in desire? Am I allowed to have my desires?" [02:18:56.07]

Mary: "Do I enable the desire of the other person?"

Do I even know what my desires are? Or are they suppressed as well?" And start working on all those. Now as you start working on all of those, whether you're the male or the female in the relationship, whether they like it or not the other person is going to be challenged by these new changes in yourself.

Mary: If you think about it, if we're in many co-dependent addictions, in breaking those down we might say, "Oh hang on, maybe that's not loving, or maybe I don't desire that. I'm not going to demand something of you."

Doesn't need a demand met, in other words.

To develop a pure relationship a couple needs to break down their co-dependent addictions

Mary: "I'm going to find my desire. I'm going to try to love my partner in purity and not give him what he needs to feel good in this moment because I'm breaking the addiction." It's going to be very challenging for both of us. It's going to feel a bit rocky.

Yeah. But I suggest that if you can eventually do that you will get closer and closer to the soulmate relationship. Now if the soulmate relationship is such that this person is not your soulmate but rather somebody else is, sooner or later both of you will recognise this. You will recognise, "Wow, we are very different in desires. We are very different with our personality. We are very different and in fact in the past what we've been doing is just pandering to each other's addictions, right? Just doing what the other person demanded, and that made us both feel good but now that we're not doing what the other person demanded and we're connecting with our own desires and our own passions, instead of it drawing us together it's pulling us apart." Now that's a sign that something is wrong. In other words when I say something is wrong, it means that firstly we must have been in a co-dependent relationship and secondly there's a chance that this person is not my soulmate. Just a chance, because we don't know for certain until both of us engage our desires and passions, and both of us speak the truth and both of us act in harmony with love with each other. We won't know for certain what the choice is, both won't know for certain. One might, but the other one might not.

Now what do you do? You've got children and all of a sudden you realise that someone's not your soulmate and you no longer feel a sexual attraction to them. My suggestion is this. Quite simple. While you feel a sexual attraction for somebody and you're in a relationship with them, you are in harmony with at least one of your desires. If you choose to leave that person because you think somebody else is your soulmate and there is no sexual attraction with your soulmate, why would you do such a thing in the first place? Do you see what I'm saying? Why would you leave a person if there's no sexual attraction with the other person but there remains a sexual attraction with the person you're with? Why would you leave them?

14.4. Dealing with feeling attracted to a person outside of the relationship

Conversely, if you are in a relationship but constantly thinking about another person that you've met, constantly feeling for them, now you've got some issues of truth. One issue of truth is: How are you treating your current partner, this person you're with? You need to treat this person with love and truth. You need to tell them that you keep thinking about this other person. You need to tell them that for some reason there's an attraction in that direction, and you don't understand why. Now that attraction may be based on error and if it is and you talk about it, you will both will feel closer, the relationship will feel closer. If it's based on truth then as you grow you may eventually go, "No, I can no longer engage this relationship sexually. I still love the person, I still feel feelings of love for the person but I can no longer engage them sexually because it doesn't feel right anymore." If that's the case you could still remain living together even for a little while just to test that out, couldn't you? You could still stay together, test that out, "How is this working? What happens here?" You could stay doing that until such a time as it becomes clear to you that it's unloving for you to stay in that relationship. [02:23:49.14]

If a woman in a relationship is always thinking about another man, she needs to be truthful about it with her partner

I don't ever suggest to a person that they just go, "Oh, that person's my attraction, I'm going to go to them straight away," and all of a sudden your relationship is pulled apart and your partner may be your soulmate!

Mary: And even if they're not, why do you not desire to love them? If you've been in a relationship with them for twenty years, you've had three kids, and you find this teaching or whatever and you realise, "Wow actually I think we're in a lot of co-dependent addiction and you annoy me now. I'm just going to rub you out and go and sleep with this guy who I met at a seminar who I feel really hot for." That would be so unloving and the basis of the teaching is about love and truth.

14.4.1. An example of a woman leaving her family to marry a man she loved

Participant: I have this example of a very close friend in Austria who I absolutely adore. We go back a long way. She was married for eighteen years and I idolised them as a couple. I loved her husband very much and they went through a lot together. Lost a child. He had cancer. And then she met this guy and fell so madly in love with him. He had four kids as well and a wife who was suffering from depression and they fought it like crazy. They didn't see each other for three months. My friend became almost suicidal and lost about fifteen kilos, and in the end they decided to go for it. And you cannot imagine the hatred they faced from society, from people, the judgement. Her husband even threatened to kill her. I mean they went through hell but they stuck together. For years they had six kids, who they had to take on holiday and everything, financial downturn. They eventually got married. They're now married seven years and every time I go home I say, "Doris, was it worth it?" And if I see this couple together it's like I almost see stars between them. I don't judge them. It taught me a lot about not judging people. Had a guy done it we'd all say, you know, "Bastard! Typical!" [02:26:05.16]

Yeah, yeah. (Laughs)

Participant: This was a friend that I loved and it happened to her and I can just explain it with this soulmate theory because they've been through so much and she says, "If I hadn't done it, I'd never know that such love existed in life."

Yeah.

Participant: And she doesn't regret it.

Yeah. Now I put to you that the husband, who then threatened to kill her as a result of her actions, never loved her in the first place. Because you can't love somebody one minute and then want to kill them the next. He must have been in a co-dependent addiction with her. Otherwise he would never have threatened such a thing. See, a person who loves doesn't threaten a person they love when the person they love no longer does what they want. [02:26:52.10]

Participant: Can you justify going for that, even though you're hurting so many people in the process?

You're not. I would suggest to you that you're not hurting your partner at all.

Participant: But the children and...

No, you're not hurting the children either. I don't believe you're hurting the children. If there's children involved in this particular partnership, they will automatically feel the co-dependent addictions between those two. They will already know there's something not quite right with this relationship.

It is damaging to children for parents to stay in a relationship that is not loving when they love someone else

If the parent stays in this relationship the children will also begin to believe that they have to deny love before they do anything. As a result of that they will grow up denying love and therefore having a lot of other emotional turmoil in their lives. So we've got to be very careful you see; the turmoil usually only results because one or both are not loving. What I put to you is that by staying separate from the man she loved and then talking to her husband... I don't know how it happened in that manner... [02:28:03.24]

Mary:... that she owned the desire and said, "Look, this is what's happening. I need to talk to you...."

She talked to her husband about it.

Mary: "... first because you're my husband. I need to examine whether this is loving or addiction. I need to know inside of myself that this is not based on an avoidance of something." If she went through that whole process for three months....

...endured some of his rage and anger as a result. Even in that process though why does she have to endure it? She doesn't have to. But let's say she did, and then she still decided, "No I've got to be with this man." After all of that, she has acted appropriately with her husband. She has acted in harmony with integrity and love and truth with her husband. She has actually loved her husband. If he then goes and says, "I'm going to kill you if you leave," who's now acting lovingly? He certainly is not. And if he then goes, "The kids should hate you now because you've left," who's now acting unlovingly? Him. Not her. He's the one who doesn't want to feel his feelings. He's the one who doesn't want to feel his emotions. He's the one who's blaming the other person for their choices and decisions. He's the one who's controlling. And I put to you that he's always been controlling because you never revert to control unless you've always been controlling. You never revert to a course of action unless you've always been like that. It's just that up until this point she has always met the control with the appropriate response. And that's why they had a seemingly outwardly happy relationship. The reality is quite different. The reality is always triggered by the event. [02:29:42.10]

If she felt these feelings for another man, if he really loved her and really cared for her he would not be going, "I'm going to kill you if you go with this other man." He would not be getting the children to fight against her or any of those kinds of things if he really loved her or cared for her. He would say to her, "You go with this man and determine whether that makes you happy or not and I will deal with my grief about that particular situation." That's what he would do, if he really loved her. So I put to you that he didn't really love her, he was just in an addiction with her.

Participant: Just referring to the kids: my parents, they stayed in a relationship for a long time and I felt like it was really unloving all the time and felt, "Oh it's my fault that they're still together" and stuff. And now they've finally broken up and I have felt such relief. It was quite easy to work through the emotion of feeling I'm the one at fault and I'm the mistake, it was such a relief. And now they're following their passions more and even though it's quite triggering for them it's really great.

Yeah. And it's interesting isn't it how often the parents think they're staying together for the children.

Participant: Yeah, and it's so damaging.

The children feel like they're being blamed for all of the problems the parents are having. That's the reality, and we need to stop blaming the children as the reason they stay together or go apart. We need to own our emotions instead about, "Do I love this person still? Do I not?"

14.4.2. From God's perspective people are only married when they feel love towards each other

You see from God's perspective, this original relationship is only a marriage if both people love. If this person loves this person and this person loves this person, love is the binding force of any relationship. While love is present those two, in God's eyes, are married.

God views marriage as based on love

As soon as love is not present, and this can happen on a daily basis by the way, from God's point of view they are no longer married. They are now in opposition to each other. They now have anger or resentment or other feelings going towards each other. Now obviously the first thing we'll try to do is heal those. And once we heal those, and we get closer and closer in love, if we find we're activating our desires, activating truth, activating our passions, and the reality is we love each other but we no longer feel a sexual bond with each other, then it's highly likely that this person is not our soulmate. Somebody else is. And we would be perfectly happy to separate even if we had children. We'd be perfectly happy to separate and work through the emotions of finding the soulmate at some point, and attracting them through this pure attraction. [02:32:36.29]

Most people have a lot of judgement of that. I've even had the media... At the moment, they're saying that I break up relationships, right? And the reality is that my feelings are that even if a couple are not soulmates and eventually they break up from a sexual relationship, if they practice the principles that we're teaching, they will still love each other. They will still treat each other kindly and they will still take responsibility for their children, and they will still treat their children kindly. That's what will definitely happen. If that is not happening, then one or both of them are not loving each other. Quite simple.

15. Closing Words

Okay, now we haven't covered all things, but our time is up. Obviously we probably want to discuss more of these issues on the list of the taboos that we made. At some point in the future we would like to cover many of those taboos and talk openly about the emotions involved with the sexual practices that we engage in. But what we would like to encourage you to do before then is to consider this as a possible truth. This is that when we're healed, when our sexual attraction is pure and our desires are pure and our love is pure, the sexual attraction will only be for our soulmate. Consider that as a possible truth, and then allow yourself to look at the relationships you're in or, if you're not in a relationship now, look at the relationships you've had in the past, and examine them from this perspective about whether things were pure or not, or whether instead there were expectations, addictions and demands that were being made upon each other. [02:34:37.12]

Mary: And I found it really helpful to go back and look at my relationship and sexual history and look at who I had attracted, what kind of interaction I had had with them, how I felt, what my perception of that interaction had been and what it was now, and it helped me identify a lot of expectations I had with the opposite gender, also a lot of the way I'd felt it was okay to treat myself in those situations and a lot of the barter that I was willing to enter. Why did I enter this exchange? What did I get from it and what was I willing to give to get that? It helped me start to be very real about the injuries I was carrying.

Now I'd like to recommend a book if you want to investigate these things further. This is a book that both Mary and I have read and we both quite enjoyed. While we don't agree with everything in every book that we recommend, this is a really good book if you want to sincerely examine the attractions that you have going on. It has some wonderful exercises in it. Some of them are quite funny exercises. It's called, "Are you the one for me" by Barbara De Angelis, a very, very good book to buy. Don't loan it from the library because you're going to need it longer than that. Trust me! Buy it and look at it, and examine it carefully and do many of the exercises in it to help you work through these issues of attraction.

Mary: And can I just recommend another book that maybe some of you will be interested in?

And it will help you particularly with issues of abuse or things like that.

Mary: "The body never lies" by Alice Miller. That is just a powerful book. Alice Miller passed just recently. I think she was German; I think her work was actually originally in German but translated to English. She talks a lot about the truth about emotions, childhood and your body, trusting your body to tell you stories. [02:36:52.00]

Very good books, both of them. "The body never lies" is a bit more emotionally focused whereas "Are you the one for me" is a little bit more intellectually focused, but both are very, very good books. We'd like to recommend those to you. We'd also like to recommend that you consider the truth about sexual attraction, and that is that when it's pure it will only ever be for one person. And while many of you may consider, and many of the people listening to these videos may consider that that would be boring, trust me, it is definitely not boring! (Laughs). Okay. Thanks for your time today everyone. [02:37:34.07]

Mary: Yeah thank you, everyone.

I'm never bored by my girl. Ever.

And thank you for your donations too. Thank you, guys. (Applause)

Sexual Attraction: Session 2

16. Introduction

How's everyone going today? Well? Good.

Mary: Last day, last Greece talk. Surely you've had enough? Katerina was saying, "There's a point where there's enough truth!"

And after that, that's it! (Laughs) We want everyone to go home just to absorb it. (Laughs) Yeah.

We'd just like to also thank those who were quite brave yesterday in "The Human Soul - Sexual Attraction - Session 1," talking about their sexual stuff, and also we'd like to thank the spirits who were quite brave yesterday. Quite a lot of spirits were quite confronted by what I was saying yesterday so we'd just like to thank them for staying engaged with us while we were having those conversations. In particular, remember how I mentioned that celibacy and sadomasochistic activities both end up in stagnation? That was quite confronting for many spirits who had practiced celibacy all of their life in the spirit world. They were quite confronted by that particular truth, and so we'll see how they go with all of that today with some of these questions that you might come up with.

17. Soul incarnation

Participant: Yesterday, if I understood correctly, you said that the soul splits into two and the two soulmates try to find each other. They come into the material world and are born into a physical body and a spiritual body.

That's correct.

Participant: Would that not imply that the soulmates are born on the same date?

No, it doesn't happen that way. I can explain how it happens in a bit more detail.

Remember that you've got the un-incarnated soul that is in its unified state. It's actually sitting in a place that's in the same place that you finish up at in the soul union state when you grow, and let's call that the 22nd dimension, which is a fair way in progression. But this soul is just sitting there in that state, in a condition where it doesn't understand itself, as we explained yesterday.

Now this location is not as if it's like millions and millions of billions of miles away or anything like that. It's actually surrounding every Earth or place where there is procreation occurring between human couples. As a result of every act of procreation or even the potential of procreation, any time a couple actually has sex; there is a natural affinity of these souls surrounding that particular couple, based on the personalities of the couple and the emotional injuries of the couple. There's a Law of Attraction working even there, which the un-incarnated soul itself is not conscious of, but the couple who are engaged in the sex act are drawing that particular soul to themselves.

When a couple on Earth have sex there are un-incarnated souls nearby, waiting to incarnate

So the couple on Earth are engaged in sexual activity. There's a drawing of a particular soul that matches the conditions of their personality as well as many of their emotional injuries all combining to create a law of attraction between itself and this couple, and the most risk-taking half of the soul will separate from this soul. When the, let's say, male child is conceived, at that moment the two bodies are created and they begin the process of multiplication of the cell structures of those bodies and then this half of the soul is attracted to it.

17.1. Soulmates often incarnate into nearby locations

Now the second part of the soul is un-incarnated and from that moment on it remains very close to the other half of its soul; it just stays there waiting for its chance to incarnate.

When the first half of the soul incarnates, the other half waits for an opportunity to incarnate

For that reason, many people will find that their soulmate is the same nationality or in the same location... [00:06:04.24]

Mary:...same region...

...or the same region because the second half is now constantly drawn to the first part of the soul that's incarnated. It's also looking for an opportunity to incarnate in a similar location.

Mary: And of course it has to be drawn to a couple also. But it's not just any couple, is it?

There's another couple it has to be drawn to, and of course the same Laws of Attraction are applying. In other words the second couple has a personality. Between the two of them they have certain emotional injuries and so forth, and this particular soul half finds an affinity with that particular couple, and that's the strongest affinity. When the second couple have sex and create the bodies for, in this case, the feminine part of the soul, then this part of the soul connects to those bodies and then, you could say, from that moment the individualisation of the entire soul is now complete.

The un-incarnated half of the soul half finds another couple on Earth who it has an affinity with, and incarnates

Both of them can even pass away while they're still within the womb but the process of individualisation has been completed. They are now in a sensitive soul-aware state where they're starting to absorb information from the universe.

17.1.1. When the soul is split it needs bodies to experience the universe

When they're in the un-incarnated state they're not in a sensitive, self-aware state to absorb information from the universe. It's only once they get into this incarnated state. The other interesting thing about the incarnation of the soul is that the half of the soul actually needs the bodies in order to absorb from the universe. The complete soul does not need bodies to absorb information from the universe. For that reason while we're in a half of the soul state, we are always going to need either a physical body or a spirit body to absorb information from the universe. Now as you progress through the different dimensions, and remember there's the first seven dimensions, from one to seven, then there's the transition into at-onement with God in the eighth dimension, and then there's the progression to, let's call it the 22nd dimension at this stage. At that point the soul can re-unify. Now at that point, the soul doesn't need the bodies to use the soul's senses and to absorb information from the universe in a self-aware state.

Soul halves can progress until the 22nd sphere, where they recombine and no longer need bodies

The bodies are only necessary while the halves of the soul are actually separate from each other. The process is that one half of the soul incarnates first, the second half of the soul will follow that first half, looking for the appropriate personality parents to actually be attracted to, and the gap between the first half and the second half incarnating may be as long as up to twenty years or so. It's rare that it's longer than that but it may be up to that type of space in time because the personality of the soul doesn't quite match what's going on with the couple that are making love. [00:09:24.13]

17.2. Attracting our soulmate by living in harmony with desire, truth and love

With location a lot of people are worried about where their soulmates are. You don't need to worry so much about that because there's a high likelihood when you engage the three aspects of desire, truth and love inside of your own soul, and you follow your passions with passion, then your soulmate, if they're alive on the Earth, will be attracted to you, and if your soulmate is not alive on Earth they'll probably already be with you in the spirit state. It's just a matter of becoming aware of that as you open up those particular pathways within yourself. You don't really need to worry so much about the location and where they possibly are, but the truth is that the majority of people will finish up being in a same or a similar culture or nearby location. For example, if somebody was incarnated here in Greece, it doesn't mean that their soulmate is Greek. They could be any of the countries nearby; it just depends on a whole lot of factors, particularly the attraction of the two parents that are having a sexual union.

The key is to not worry too much about that but use this technique that God has given us, and that is to open up our desires and passions, live in harmony with truth and love, and when you live in that state the attraction will automatically occur. What a lot of people find, which is very interesting, is that they've actually known their soulmate, and once they start activating those particular things, they start having feelings about one particular person in their past. Many people find that they have met their soulmate in the past but just didn't recognise them at the time because of a lot of factors, mostly to do with emotional injuries, but because of various factors we don't get together with our soulmate at the time.

18. Experiencing at-onement with God

Participant: It's a different topic. What does it mean to be at-one with God?

I've answered that question so many times before, Patricia, in a lot of the presentations so I don't know whether it's worth spending more time answering it today. My suggestion is to actually watch the presentations that are now on YouTube, if you haven't had the opportunity, on "Relationship with God - Prayer," "Relationship with God - Longing for Divine Love," and "Relationship with God - Longing for Divine Truth." In those talks I explain in detail what at-onement with God is, and also over the years there have been different people asking me different questions of what it feels like and so forth, and I've explained a lot of the feelings that are involved in that state. [00:12:32.01]

Participant: Okay. I'll look out for that because I've missed that so far and it's a concept that I have a bit of a hard time relating to, because it feels like something that might apply to other people but not really something that I might aim for. It's seems very grand and very lofty. So I'll look out for that.

It's interesting that you call it very grand and very lofty, and I feel that there's some spirits asking the question through you now. The reality is very different. If you could imagine a person who's like a child, who's in their own emotions completely but they are completely free of any negative emotions, in other words they never experience anger or hatred or resentment or any of those other kinds of emotions; grief, even. But they are very emotional, they're very passionate, the child is doing its thing in life. And imagine that child now grown up as an adult, but exactly the same type of life, where they're not worried about what everybody around them thinks of them; when I say not worried, they don't have any consideration whatsoever of what anybody thinks of them. [00:13:44.28]

Mary: But they're in a state of love with everyone around them.

Yeah. So they treat a person who's angry with them with the same amount of love as a person who likes them. They're in a state of consistent joy constantly and they're in a state of consistent peace internally. Constantly. They are also absorbing truths from the universe constantly, so they're constantly growing. They're like a child in constant experimentation with the universe. There's no resistance to learning.

Imagine for a moment instead of having, like most of us, deep resistances to learning new things, this child is now an adult that has the same kind of feeling as a child, and has no resistance to learning new things. No shut-down emotions, no feelings of resistance in them to changing or growing. Imagine this constant state of internal peace and wellbeing, knowing that you're loved by God constantly. There's never a break in that condition where you feel that God loves you. Imagine the peace of that state; that's the state of being at-one with God. It's not a lofty position. [00:15:07.07]

Mary: It's not an austere, formal place. It's quite a disarming place. There's a lot of love.

It's very playful as well.

Mary: It's very playful, relaxed.

Participant: If I'm in that state, or if someone is in that state, do the effects of that spread outside of themselves? I get the feeling that it does.

Yes, very much so. It actually spreads to billions of people at the soul place because a person is now open to every emotional experience, they're not judgemental at all, they have total openness with truth and love, and every single person around them cannot help but be affected by their life. Now some of the people around will be affected negatively.

Mary: Or they'll feel it's negative.

They will feel it's negative. They'll have feelings of jealousy, hatred, anger, rage and so forth, mostly because they feel the comparison between themselves and the person in that state and then they automatically feel like they're being judged by the person even just existing. [00:16:18.24]

Mary: And also because of the confrontation. You remember yesterday we talked a lot about the co-dependent addictions that basically most of our relationships operate in? Because this person at-one with God doesn't even consider that they would meet an addiction in the other person, it's very confronting. The other person feels like they're not being loved, they feel like they want to demand from the person at-one with God. But this demand doesn't even affect the person at-one with God. It confronts the error within everyone around and that is actually a loving, beautiful thing really if you think about it because it starts them in the process of confronting the error, which can then lead to them becoming more loving.

When you're at-one with God everyone doesn't automatically like you. There will be people that just like you and they don't really understand why but then there are also people who will just hate you and they don't really understand why either. But these emotions are getting confronted.

Mary: And many people open emotionally because there's a person who has no resistance to emotion, so in the presence of that person there's a deep feeling of, "It's okay to be myself, however I am." A lot of people, not even actually knowing the person but in the vicinity of that person, spontaneously open emotionally. We talk constantly about the effect of injuries on the Law of Attraction, the effect of injuries on the way the planet works and the emotions in kids and the way structures work. Well, conversely, because God's Love is far more powerful than any hateful emotion, just one person in this state of at-onement has a massive effect on the Law of Attraction on everything around them. We have this common conception that dark forces are very powerful and scary, and I know I certainly have had that feeling, but the truth is that God's Love is a far more powerful force, so just one person living in harmony with that has a hugely beautiful effect.

Yeah. The best way to illustrate it, Pauline, in the end is for one person to get into that state. And once one person's in that state in front of you, then you have an idea of what that state looks like and feels like. And that's one of the reasons why we wanted to return to Earth, to go through the process of demonstrating how to get into that state, and then to get into the state for the purpose of demonstrating what the state looks and feels like. That way those people who've been interested in the process before then can have a lot more faith that they can also get to that same state or condition; it's just through their desire and passion being activated. [00:19:11.00]

Mary: We're not there yet.

19. Working through sexual relationship problems

Participant: I have a lot of terror about this question. It regards sexuality. As I'm contemplating asking yesterday and today I have physical reactions, and now Artole, my husband, is getting scared and he says, "Why do you need to ask it for?" So I feel I need to ask. In our sexual union together 90% of the time we struggle to have the orgasm either together or to even have one. Only 10% of the time we're synchronised. Or even less and I want to be honest. And I find myself really struggling to even stay in the interaction while I'm there and I don't have much desire for him throughout the week whereas he has desire for me every day, and is ready in a moment's notice. And then he struggles to wait for me because he's ready to have an orgasm like really, really quickly. So we have to find techniques, and we've been together eleven years and we've worked at it a lot. But we just have to struggle with this because we desire each other and it's just there's stuff in between. [00:35:16.26]

The key, Katerina, is to start not viewing it as a struggle so much but to view it more as an experiment. Let's start by looking at some of the emotions present. With most couples on the planet there are a number of things impeding the sexual connection. Remember yesterday we said that the most pure sexual connection is going to be with your soulmate. We also said that you also have to be quite developed for that connection to be pure. And when we say quite developed, we have to have released most of our emotional injuries and a lot of our injuries pertain to sex but they are also related to other factors about ourselves.

19.1. An example of emotions that can create sexual relationship problems in a couple

For example, many women do feel the emotion that they're not beautiful now. They used to be at some point, usually when they were sixteen or seventeen or something like that, and then by the time they're in their thirties and particularly by the time you reach the forties, many women are starting to feel, "I'm not beautiful anymore. Look at those young women; they're much more beautiful than I am now," and so forth. So there are emotions, and I don't like using this term, but I'll use it anyway, surrounding sexual worthiness, where it pertains particularly to our appearance, our beauty, our body image and all of those kinds of things.

Also for many men, they do have a feeling that they are sexually worthy. But many men also have a feeling of wanting to take sexually, or of frustration sexually, because with many women, as time goes along, they're closing down more emotionally and sexually, and as a result then the men become quite frustrated and annoyed with how long it takes for the woman to orgasm and so forth. Then the men get to the point where they no longer feel like they should spend that time because it feels like the woman's sort of demanding more and more and more and more time.

What's happening at the soul level is fear usually inside of the woman, as well as shame that she needs to release. These are multigenerational emotions, as we discussed yesterday, and those emotions build up and up, and as she grows older of course they build up because her body image is also changing, whereas when she was younger she might have been a lot slimmer and she looked prettier, she looked more beautiful than she does now, and so she then starts shutting down more and more and more. Her sexual unworthiness, if you like, grows. Now as a result of that, a wall starts appearing in the sense that the woman is now becoming more and more resistive to her own body's feelings. She's stepping more and more away from herself, particularly sexually, and she's now feeling less sexual worthiness, like, "Why would the man want to make love to me anyway? Like, I've got this bump here and that bump there and all of these other things."

Mary: And, "I feel really ashamed about what I've done in the past, and when I connect to my body I'm reminded of things that I've done in the past." So every time you get into bed, you're having to go over the top of all of these feelings of unworthiness sexually, all of this shame, all of this fear, to get to orgasm.

Which is a lot of effort, let's face it. And most women and then most men also start becoming quite frustrated because it takes a bit of effort on their part to engage all of this. Men still feel like they want to have sex with their wife, they still feel like they can orgasm easily enough, so to a degree they give up trying to help their wife through this problem because many times the wife herself is actually closed down towards the primary emotions that are going to fix the problem.

For example every time the man goes, "But isn't this about fear?" the wife goes, "Well yes but I'm allowed to have my fear'; she wants to stay in her fear. Or anytime he notices some shame and he might mention it, "Why are you so ashamed?" she goes, "Well, you know," and gets upset with him for pointing out that she's ashamed, which is actually getting upset about the causal emotion that is shutting her down. So he then goes, "I might as well give up trying to please her or make her orgasm or any of those things, and I'll just focus on my pleasure and my orgasm after that." And this is why that has a tendency of occurring in many relationships. Now I've only indicated one of a number of different emotions that might be the cause. Specifically I'm answering your question. In other words I'm talking about the cause between the two of you here. [00:40:32.17]

Denied emotions between a couple can create problems in their sexual relationship

And of course the causes between other couples are going to be different, depending on the different emotional conditions that exist between that couple. But your fear and shame grows as you get older. When I say it grows, it's always been there, it's just been lessened by the fact that you were younger, prettier and more available and all these other things, and also lessened by you skipping out of your fear; you used to go out of your body a lot when you were younger to get away from any fear-based situation or any shame.

Participant: Yes, all the time.

And now you're practicing trying to stay in your body, to stay connected, to stay present and of course that then means that you feel more of these emotions and as a result of that, a sort of a fissure, or a break, starts appearing sexually in the relationship. You may still love each other, but the feeling is, "I can't engage sexually anymore." Now fear and shame shut down desire. Anything to do with unworthiness within us shuts down passion and desire.

The male may also have feelings of sexual unworthiness; he's now feeling frustrated too because he feels like he can't please his woman anymore. He used to be able to and now he can't. Those feelings grow within him, and the key is to address these feelings emotionally, to release those feelings emotionally. To do that, the woman has to feel her sexual fear and shame.

19.2. Women's resistance to emotions surrounding sexuality is enhanced by spirit influence

Now that, for most women, is a very daunting task because not only do they have to feel the fear and shame sexually about what happened in their own life, but there are actually many multigenerational injuries from women who have lived in the past, generationally, that have imposed these sets of injuries. For example, women in the past were just treated as possessions. All of those women in the past who were treated as possessions never released their emotion while they were on Earth, so generally they passed that emotion down to the next generation of women. Then they passed into the spirit world still feeling that emotion. So now they're trying to connect to women on Earth, saying, "You're just being treated as a possession." [00:42:49.07]

Participant: I feel them and they wouldn't let me ask the question. They were hurting my ears, hurting my throat and I'm having heart burn and they're like, "Don't, don't do this! Don't do this! We'll be exposed."

Many of the women in the spirit world do not wish any of the women on Earth to heal their sexuality. They don't want to heal it, because they believe the place of soulmate union is a weak place.

Mary: They feel they can be harmed again in that place.

A potentially harmful place. Not understanding that if a soulmate union occurs then it can only occur in love and therefore it can never be harmful. They don't understand that. They're very afraid of it. They're very afraid of giving their will over to the man. Whenever you want to discuss getting closer to your man, they then think that means giving your will to the man, and that's not the same thing but they think it's the same thing, and as a result they get a lot of fear and anger in them about that.

These women spirits who have had multigenerational injuries are still in the spirit world, and in fact many of them are attached to the Earth. In other words they are Earth-bound, and they connect to the woman who's feeling these feelings. They're trying to help the woman not feel those feelings, because they don't want to feel the feelings, the spirits themselves, which actually shuts the woman down even further. It makes the man feel like there's a lot of resistance now, so he then starts attracting spirits who are resentful towards women about sex. In other words he starts feeling like, "I might as well get my sex elsewhere, if that's the way it's going to be." Or, "I might not get it elsewhere but I might as well just take my pleasure and be done with it rather than trying for hours on end to help my woman orgasm when she doesn't really want to deal with the reasons why she's not." [00:44:42.21]

19.3. Emotional reasons for women having difficulty reaching orgasm

Mary: I just want to add to that. What I want to say about orgasm is that I feel this difficulty with orgasm is about anger; anger and control.

And I'd actually put rage above that; the most intense form of anger.

Anger and rage can shut down a woman's ability to orgasm during sex with her partner

Mary: Yeah. For myself a lot of difficulty with orgasming with a partner has been about these emotions, a lot of rage with men, and specifically with my soulmate; a feeling that I don't want to give my body over to him. I don't want him to have control of my body. What will happen if I give him total sexual control, he leaves me hanging, he doesn't care for me? Which brings up a lot of vulnerability feelings.

A lot of it's about love too though, isn't it? If I'm giving my heart in love, he will just abuse that.

Mary: Yep. My orgasm and my heart are very related. (Laughs)

Connected.

Mary: It's like if I give my orgasm I've given him my heart. But also as I give my heart my orgasm happens and then I feel out of control. This man is in charge of my body.

If this man dies now, or this man leaves, where are you left? You're left not being able to give your heart or yourself sexually to another person, and where does that leave you?

Participant: The thing is, with my husband, he's actually the only one with whom I was able to have an orgasm almost every time. When I was younger it was absolutely impossible and I was never satisfied ever. I rarely had pleasure from this; it was like "What's the reason of having sex?" So that's the thing, like together we do work and it's fantastic but it's still this issue of me delaying and him wanting to go faster.

I feel, Katerina, there's still more Mary needs to say about rage, anger and control.

19.3.1. The body is a perfect reflection of the soul's beliefs and emotions

One thing I've always said to Mary is that your body is a perfect machine. It responds perfectly to everything. And if it's not responding perfectly, it's not because of the body; it's actually because of the emotions that control the body. We need to understand that if this perfect machine isn't working perfectly it's not because of a problem with the machine. It's a problem with the soul that's driving it. And this soul is all to do with belief systems and emotions. It's got all these emotions controlling and driving the body. [00:47:42.00]

For example, if you cannot orgasm, and many women in today's age cannot orgasm, it's understandable why: because they have many emotions. The bodies are okay, the bodies work but they have many emotions controlling how the body will respond in any situation and when those emotions are not embraced and felt, then it's impossible for the body to have the responses it would normally have due to the condition of the soul, the emotions that are in the soul. It's very important to understand that basic principle when you're dealing with sexual matters. If you're dealing with any sexual matters where things are not working properly, it's always important to understand the basic principle that the body itself works properly, and the only reason why the body doesn't work properly naturally is because of the soul.

Remember we're made up of the soul, the half of the soul, in your case the feminine, and the two bodies; the physical body and spirit body, and the soul.

The physical (PB) and spirit (SB) bodies respond to the soul's emotions

Now what I'm saying that both of these bodies respond to the soul, not to anything else. Even with regard to touch, how that touch enters the soul of Mary as a feeling is going to be very dependent upon the emotions that are present inside of Mary's soul. It's not anything to do with the body. The truth is that I should be able to just touch her on the arm and she could have waves of pleasure come over her. Just by that one touch. That's possible. Your body is able to do that because just the process of touching the body creates all this energy flow in your spirit body and you can have waves of tingling pleasurable sensations that are not the same as sex but just as intense and pleasurable as sex, travelling all over your body, just from the touch. Now if that is not happening, it's not the body's fault. It's because of the emotions that prevent the flow of that touch and then the flow of the subsequent energy it creates into the soul, which is the receptor, if you like, of all of those feelings. [00:50:02.00]

This is the point Mary's getting at; any emotion that is inside of your soul, and particularly emotions related to sexual matters, but all sorts of emotions actually, are going to affect that soul's ability to actually feel the body. As a result of that, the body feels almost like when you touch it it's like touching nothing, like the touch doesn't enter; you touch your sexual organs and it's like that touch doesn't enter.

Participant: Like nothing, like it doesn't happen.

Yeah. Mary can explain further. I just wanted to put that background in there for you because it's very important when you're working on sexual issues to understand that there's nothing wrong with our bodies; there's everything wrong with regard to the emotions and belief systems that our soul contains that affect the connection. The sensitivity of our soul to receiving the signals from the body is the determining factor. And the sexual signals are just the same as any other signal, like taste, touch, sight, any other signal. The sensitivity of those signals are all dependent upon the soul's openness to the reception of those signals. [00:51:24.09]

19.3.2. The example of Mary and AJ's relationship

Mary: But for most of us, we're very numb. We don't really taste, we don't really feel, we don't really feel other people very much because of the shutdown of so much emotion within us. I know this very well! (Laughs). I've lived this. So I just wanted to say a few things from my own experience. It's very easy to get into feelings of frustration, self-punishment, this feeling of, "I don't work, my body doesn't work, it's hopeless." A lot of those kinds of feelings. They're all effect feelings to something with a very different cause. I had to come to recognise, as AJ said, that my body works fine. And my body really does work fine, it's just that I don't really want to be in it most of the time and especially during sex; this was a big issue for me. Even if my body was aroused I was somewhere else, and I couldn't actually reach climax. And I'd be, like, "Get in the body. No I don't want to be there," and all of this stuff.

And I had to recognise there was actually a refusal within me to climax in this situation and I was fighting that refusal all of the time. Now it was really crucial for me to realise, no, I'm actually using my will against this. I think I want this but the refusal comes from these things: I'm avoiding my feelings of sexual unworthiness. I'm avoiding masses of shame within me. I'm avoiding the terror of giving my heart, of being sexually harmed, all of these things. I want control. I'm angry. In fact, no I'm really pissed off! And then is the refusal.

Now I felt like I want to join with this person, I want to have pleasure, I want to pleasure him, all of these things, but because I was in denial of all of these things, it created a refusal in my body. And while I was happy to feel all this frustration, "It doesn't work, babe, I really want it to work, I'm just bad. Oh my body doesn't work. I hate everything!" That was all a big effect of me avoiding, "I refuse." [00:53:32.05]

This was self-deception really. For Mary it was mostly self-deception because she didn't want to feel how angry with me she is.

Participant: The refusal, like it clicked.

Mary: That clicked with me too.

Participant: I'm not going to give that pleasure or...

Mary: I'm not going to give this part of myself.

Participant: It's mine. I'm holding it, it's mine.

So both women are quite angry with men, and unless they're able to transmit that anger freely, they won't reach orgasm. Now unfortunately, a lot of women nowadays transmit that anger freely even during sex, and many of the men are willing to receive it because they can also enjoy themselves with the sex. Unfortunately the women only orgasm when they're in this state where they're taking control, staying in this area of rage, anger and control.

What I'm suggesting to you is that when you try to release rage, anger and control you won't orgasm anymore basically, and that's because we're now starting to get into the emotion of what's really there. Sometimes women who are angry will certainly be able to orgasm regularly but only because the male will accept that anger, and therefore there's a transmission, or a flow of emotional energy from the female to the male, where the male's absorbing the anger and both of them can now actually reach orgasm. But if the male stops absorbing the anger, then the woman's no longer attracted to him; she won't feel sexually attracted to him. [00:55:03.10]

Mary: But for myself, orgasm was never easy. It hardly ever happened. It was always a marathon. (Laughs) Nikos's giggling about my marathon! But it wasn't until I started to get real about these things that things freed up. I was, like, "Oh! This is totally different," but because I'm still working through these things, it's still waxes and wanes.

So we could make love for an hour and Mary doesn't go beyond a certain point. But then we just stop and usually I feel like, "Mary, you're fairly angry. You're really frustrated and angry" and when Mary then goes into her anger and rage, sometimes she'll rage or be angry and then get into a lot of grief about how she feels about me and that might take a few hours or so, and then if we come together after that, five minutes later it's all happened, sort of thing. It can be that much difference between connection and non-connection. [00:56:05.00]

Mary: I didn't believe it was possible for me to orgasm this easily. And I really thought it was a physical dysfunction until I started dealing with these things and then I was like, "Oh!" And you'll get more confidence and faith in this process once you get real about the refusal.

Participant: As I see it then the problem is that it's difficult to accept that at the time we have to actually stop, let it go, no matter who's more aroused and who wants it more.

Yep.

Participant: And, like, just either get angry or feel...

Mary: Get real about it.

Participant: But just completely stop and not just say, "Well okay, well you go ahead and we'll forget it."

Well for us now, if I feel any contrary emotion from Mary at all I just lose my erection immediately anyway. So it's not possible for us to continue sexually until the emotional issue is resolved. When the emotional issue is resolved then it's totally different. We can stay at it most of the day if we wanted to, if the emotional issues are resolved. [00:57:09.15]

Mary: But don't just wait for sexual experiences to start to challenge these emotions. I found now that I'm really starting to focus on them all of the time. How do I feel about my own body, my own vagina? How do I feel about my soulmate? How do I feel about men? All of the time, looking at those, and it's starting to happen for you, I know, in dreams...

Participant: Yeah, really explicit and shameful.

Mary: It was the same thing for me, and if you can take those opportunities then the actual sexual act becomes immediately much more relaxed and sometimes you still have to stop but sometimes it works much more in a lovely way.

19.4. Sexual connection is a reflection of the complete connection in the relationship

Also, don't forget that sexual connection is not just about sex either; it's about what happens all day every day between the two of you. We often notice in a lot of relationships that there's almost total disconnection most of the day, and then they come together to have sex and then wonder why there's disconnection or a feeling of disconnection. The reality is that a sexual union occurs all day every day when it's in its pure state, and physically you come together whenever you want the opportunity but you are constantly feeling desire and passion for the other person. Any time you're not feeling desire and passion for the other person, the key is to stop and feel about that. For me, it usually relates to my grief with women and my feelings of rejection about women that cause me to feel like, "Ah, you know, I want to spend time alone, away from Mary," or whatever. For Mary it's different emotions. [00:58:54.09]

Mary: Lots of things. And even just, like, "Whoa, this is enough connection now. I want to go and hide in that little shell of myself." When I met AJ I was so used to keeping everything guarded inside of me. I didn't want to share all of me because I thought I was so yucky and unlovable. But then other issues might cause me to withdraw like grief, rage, shame, anything that I don't want to be with him.

Sometimes spirits cause it; it's due to the connection with spirits. For example, we found that when Mary was around other angry women, she would treat me in a totally different way than when we were by ourselves. We had to work through that issue together; I had to bring it up. [00:59:38.12]

Mary: The feeling, "I want mum's love and I want mum's approval and I'm afraid of mum's anger," was stronger than, "I want to connect with my soulmate". And until I worked through some of that...

...and if the women around are all angry with men then the only way for me to get mum's approval

Mary: ...is to side with them.

...is to be angry with men. And so she'd be angry with me.

Mary: Or distant. Yeah.

Participant: I have all of the stuff and I recognise it from myself and maybe I'm not always open about, "This is what it is," and then Artole feels that I am controlling him with this. So he says, "If I want this every day and we only have sex when you feel like it, then I feel, why do I have to give it to you?" Then he gets angry about that.

19.5. The male perspective of sexual relationships

Can I talk about it from the male's perspective for a bit? Because a lot of men don't get to voice what's really going on with their sexual relationships at all. They often get ignored with everything. Everything gets focused upon the woman and her orgasm and everything else and oftentimes there's very, very little discussion about how the men feel when these problems occur. Now when Mary goes into rage, anger, control, my feelings surrounding these kinds of things are, "No, now I'm just being used. I'm just having to be a machine, like I don't have any feelings." I just have to be a machine that lasts longer than she does, you know? I have to perform otherwise I'm not considered any other time, if I don't perform sexually and so forth. [01:01:22.14]

Mary: And you have to suppress your desire if I don't have one. Now I had to come to the point of recognising, "Ah, if I'm the one without the desire, and we're in a relationship, maybe I've got the issue. His desire feels like a demand but maybe it's just a desire and I have a lot of anger and refusal to soften and actually be in a state of desire with my partner all of the time."

From a male's perspective, I'd be going, "But, Mary, I desire you all the time because I love you all the time, and I'm not angry with you all the time. I don't feel like I want to control you," or any of those kind of feelings. "I just love you," and so therefore I desire Mary, I desire her body, I desire to interact with her. Unlike many men, I want to interact with her emotionally as well as physically and sexually, but all forms of interaction - spiritually as well. [01:02:22.18]

Mary: Yeah. But it's not to say that you should have sex when you don't desire it because that is yucky. That is creating more lies in your body.

Yes.

Mary: So if I don't have a desire, why don't I?

There's got to be something wrong, doesn't there? If you love somebody and sex is a pleasurable act then surely desire would be present quite frequently unless there's some alternative thing going on. The problem is that many don't see that, they just go, "No, he's being demanding," or, "He's being this," and in the woman's anger towards the male, she's acting out past anger; anger towards her father, anger towards men multi-generationally. Usually that's the source of this anger. She's acting this out with her current partner and if this continues without being resolved and he stays in the relationship, he becomes more and more and more resentful and eventually he becomes one of those men that she's complaining about even though he might have started in a different state! And this is the problem with these kinds of interactions if we don't resolve them, and discuss them, and then work through them as a priority. We find a lot of people in relationships don't work through these issues as a priority, they sort of put these things on the back burner, and they deal with it once a week or whatever. [01:03:38.12]

Mary: Yeah. Because these things, sexual fear and shame, they're pretty buried in a lot of women. It feels very confronting to go there and for me, I was happy to deal with any other emotion except those ones. But in fact, it's the thing that is affecting our relationship on a day-to-day basis, our closeness, our intimacy and I had to really look at, "Well, where is my desire? How much do I really value this person? Maybe he does have a point that if he desires me and I'm always shutting him down, maybe that's just as controlling as I feel I have been controlled in other relationships."

Can I also point out that when this interaction occurs the male often feels the female's refusal and then basically it almost feels pointless being in love with her? Like, "There's no point in being in love with you. I'm not allowed to interact with your body. I'm not interacting with you emotionally because of your fear and shame either. But I love you and I have this strong desire to interact," and then there's this feeling of almost pointlessness that overwhelms the male. "I'm better off not being in a relationship if that's the case." And there's been some times in our relationship where I've felt Mary's refusal so strongly, in terms of as an emotion. It wasn't verbalised. Mary wouldn't say, "I don't like you," but there's just this refusal to even have any concept of a desire even for me. And I'd go, "Well darling if you don't desire me, then I'd prefer to not be in a relationship with you," because the reality is, living in a relationship where you desire somebody and they don't desire you feels quite hurtful. You actually feel better off not in the relationship and unless the person who has the lack of desire is willing to look at the lack of desire, then basically you're not going to grow in the relationship. You're never going to reach that union state together where you're actually joining. So one or both of the parties need to look at their emotions involved. [01:05:53.15]

19.6. Examining other issues in the relationship that create sexual problems

Mary: And also, in other partnerships, as we talked a bit about yesterday, there's perhaps a lack of desire in the woman because of an error-based emotion coming from the man. So both parties need to look...

Need to look at their stuff.

Mary: Okay, there's a lack of desire. Is that an injury in me? Am I avoiding a lot of things?

Can I give an example of that?

Mary: Yes.

Let's say, I expect Mary all day every day to care for the kids, care for the washing, care for the ironing, care for the food, plus she has to go to work as well because we want some extra money in the family, and she's got to do all these other things. I come home, I relax. She comes home, she's still working. Now, you imagine months and months and months of that, or years of that, even. Eventually what's Mary going to feel? She's going to feel very resentful. [01:06:39.27]

Tired. Exhausted.

Mary: Not feeling very sexually open to you because I'm actually annoyed at you.

Not very sexually open at all, because she's probably tired as well. She'd actually be quite angry with me, even though that anger might be hidden, quite suppressed. She would be quite angry with me. That is definitely going to suppress her passion and desire. So if I'm going, "What's the problem with your passion and desire?" at Mary, and Mary starts to voice to me, like, "Ah, well, I'm doing this and I'm doing that and I'm doing this." "No, it's nothing to do with that! This is about sex."

Then what I'm doing is ignoring how I'm treating Mary, and I'm really the creator of Mary's lack of desire. I've got to look at that as the male. Why would I want to do that? If I really love this woman, wouldn't I want our relationship to have an equal burden of responsibility? Wouldn't I want that? I've got to look at how I have affected her lack of desire. [01:07:43.24]

Mary: Yeah. For me though in our relationship it was much more about me wanting to justify my fear and shame: "It's too hard, I can't do it, you don't know how bad it is for me! I'm staying in refusal," and I had to look at that.

Mary would say to me that her fear was too great to handle. "It's too hard." Or she'd be going, "I feel overwhelmed. I can't go any further," those kind of statements. They're all statements that indicate you're refusing to go there. You're not embracing the process of dealing with your emotion, you're refusing it. Together we've had to work through that issue of why there is this refusal. What are Mary's belief systems about emotion, even?

And one of the emotional beliefs that she picked up, very young, due to her family influences, was that emotion always gets hugged out of you. [01:08:37.23]

Mary: You don't have to go through it on your own.

You don't have to feel, it is just going to get hugged out of you by somebody else.

Mary: You shouldn't go through emotions. You need a hug.

You don't have to go through it. You just need a hug and everything will be fine, and that caused a lot of shut down emotionally. It causes a lot of disclaiming of personal responsibility for the emotion.

Mary: And it also eroded my confidence in being able to experience my emotions.

She got to the point where she didn't even believe she could do it and feel it, without overloading herself in some way emotionally. So she's had to work through those belief systems to get to the actual emotions.

Participant: Yeah, the problem with us was kind of the opposite. We never talk about sex. I didn't learn from my mum. And she had the worst experience ever, so it was always something really, really bad.

Yeah. So the key is to continue the discussion, place a priority on dealing with these emotions. Anything that prevents the joining of a couple is going to have a terrible effect on their lives and their family in the long run. Anything, either in the male or female that prevents the proper joining in equality needs to be addressed emotionally. It's not about blaming each other but it's about addressing the issues in truth, becoming more truthful and honest and open with each other about those particular things. [01:10:05.19]

19.6.1. The example of Mary and AJ's relationship (continued)

Mary: And, Kat, it's so rewarding, honestly. I didn't think it would be but it really is. It's lovely.

Mary sort of had a belief, didn't you, darling, that your body just didn't work and that was the way it is basically.

Mary: Yeah and I was stuck in frustration and I felt it was pointless, until I got to this 'light bulb' moment, where I realised my refusal, and that I need to start with my rage, anger and control.

And for us, it's still not perfect.

Mary: No.

But Mary can now enjoy orgasm three or four times in a row if she wants to, and so it's much, much better than it used to be and also I can feel Mary a lot more. [01:10:44.14]

Mary: I'm in my body.

She's allowing the touch into her to touch her soul whereas before when I would touch Mary I just felt like there was no allowance of any touch into her soul.

Mary: And I sort of had this feeling like, I have to put out, basically. It's sort of like, a man's allowed to have sex and it's really like, lie back and think of England! It wasn't quite that bad but it was almost! There was that injury in me where I felt I've got to do this and I don't really get much from it, and it was yucky.

In past relationships you've felt quite pressured, haven't you?

Mary: Yeah. I kind of had the injury that it's a normal part of the relationship, you should do it, but I wasn't ever involved in it.

20. Differences in attitude to sex in men and women of different generations

Participant: Hey brother. It seems like you worked a lot of stuff but I feel like there's a huge thing for men with the pleasure stuff, and to please a woman.

Particularly for the younger generation. The older generation has almost the opposite emotion. It's very interesting when you talk to different generations of men because they certainly have different attitudes towards the woman. [01:12:11.19]

Mary: And the women have different attitudes, don't they? You feel that, Simon? Like there's a lot of pressure to please.

In the younger women of your generation, sort of in the under-thirties bracket, shall we say, even down into under-twenties, there is now quite a lot of demand and expectation.

Participant: Yeah. If you watch porn or something like that, they're doing it like for ages and you feel like, "Holy shit, what the fuck!"

Yeah exactly! Yeah I can't do that so I'm gone already! (Laughs) And that's how a lot of young men actually get their sexual education unfortunately, as well. They don't learn much in any other way and then they meet a girl who's quite demanding sexually and who's expressing a lot of rage sexually. That particular girl will only be able to climax or orgasm by projecting the rage during the sex act, so unless you can maintain an erection while you're getting rage at you, it's going to be a very unfulfilling for the male. For many of the young men I feel there's a lot of confusion as a result of that and then unfortunately a lot of the men then respond very negatively by becoming attacking and abusive or rageful themselves. [01:13:30.20]

Participant: And the attitude is more going, "Oh, I'm the best one and I can have everything."

Exactly. The male who has that attitude can maintain his erection during the anger and doesn't even really care what he's feeling from the woman, and it's not really an act of love anymore, it's just a sexual engagement.

20.1. Emotions towards sex in younger men

Participant: Yeah. So what are the causal emotions for the younger men?

I feel a lot of younger men have this feeling that they can expect to get anything they want whenever they want it, and you see it a lot in the young generation now. It's a very, very strong emotion in a lot of young men. Basically young men are polarised sexually. You have the young men who have become pleasers of the angry woman, who basically just pander, pander, pander, in other words, please, please her, please her some more, please her some more, please her some more.

Participant: That's me. Yeah.

That group of emotions is all about needing to feel validated as a male and needing the woman to actually see you as important, or see you as having value, before you have a feeling of value yourself. And then there's another group of young men who basically have the opposite emotion. Many of the young men in Greece have this emotion of, "I'm just a wonderful man," and that often comes from being treated like that by their mothers, that they're just a wonderful man. Mum will do anything for them because they're just a wonderful man and they come out with this attitude of really strong sexual arrogance, and as a result of that they feel every woman should just fall over backwards for them, and ironically many of the women do because of their own injuries, and so that emotion inside of them grows.

20.2. The two main types of sexual attitudes in men

Not everyone's the same, obviously, and we have different emotions in our family that create the different injuries we have sexually. That's the key thing to remember. If you're the kind of man who pleases, pleases, pleases, even though you're getting rage, then the key is to look at, "Why am I pleasing this angry woman who's just projecting rage at me?" And if you're the kind of man who's just arrogant, who thinks he's pretty good and should get as much sex as he wants, whenever he wants with whomever he wants, then there's a lot of unloving emotions coming from that perspective, revolving around how your mother, in particular, and how your father, viewed men, and how important men are. And in a lot of cultures men are still more important than women and so many of the men have this sexual arrogance as a result.

Participant: I feel like God is a really important part in it as well. For myself, if I focus on God, a lot of things seem to be worked.

That is very true. However, unless we're willing to face how disconnected we feel from the feminine side of God, particularly for you and me, as we have the same injury, we will not heal these sexual injuries. Most of the planet's disconnected from femininity, as I've stated before, but many men on the planet are very disconnected from femininity, and that's resulted in men polarising. There's the kind of men who now view themselves as dominant over femininity and therefore they're basically the oppressors of femininity, and then there's the kind of men who pander to femininity, you know, who want to please femininity all the time. [01:17:09.16]

20.3. Connecting to grief about the loss of feminine love on Earth

Mary: Well it's not even femininity, is it?

It's not.

Mary: It's a desire to please women in order to avoid the feeling of the loss of feminine love. That's the thing to focus on, Simon, the...

...the grief about feminine love. The truth is that for any person on the planet it's very, very hard at the moment to feel loved by a woman. And I'm sorry for mothers, I know many mothers believe that their love is the strongest for their children, but I put to you that most mothers who actually believe that, actually have very strong control of their children. And if you look at the relationships and the damage that it does to the children, sooner or later you will see the control coming out. The reality is that unfortunately true femininity is still not being demonstrated on the planet. It's something we hope to see demonstrated on the planet shortly, and I hope many of you will be part of demonstrating that on the planet, but you're correct, Simon, in that you've got to connect to the feminine side of God in order to do that and the problem is that very few people even recognise the feminine side of God, let alone connect to Her. [01:18:29.07]

Participant: Yeah, when you asked the question yesterday, "What questions do we have to God?" I just felt like, I'm not connecting to my mother at all. I really felt a disconnection and then the tears came out, but there's huge grief I feel.

Yeah, I have some very large grief about it and I'm still working my way through it, now, as we're talking about this. And I feel it's going to take some time yet before I resolve the issue because I can just feel the amount of grief that I have about the loss of that connection with God, and the loss of connection with my soulmate in that pure state. I have quite a lot of grief about it and I think most people on the planet do too.

When I talk about the femininity I'm not talking about the Earth goddess, the New Age goddesses. I put to you that many of the people who view themselves as New Age goddesses are actually enraged with males. In fact you very rarely hear of men on Earth calling themselves gods but you do hear of many women being called or calling themselves goddesses, and it's almost a kickback to the damage that the women have received. Now they're in rage, anger and control about it, trying to tell themselves that they're goddesses, when the reality is that they still don't really feel that inside of themselves. There are a lot of healing things that need to occur between the masculine and the feminine. The reality is that as we get closer to God we will also heal the different injuries we have towards the masculine or towards the feminine, depending on what gender we are. While we refuse to heal them, we are in anger, not in any other emotion. That's the thing we need to remember. [01:20:32.15]

21. Emotions in men and women affecting male sexual performance

Participant: I would love to hear about the emotions with losing the erection and what part I may play in that as a woman.

Yep. Certainly. The more sensitive a male becomes to the woman's emotion, the more it will actually dictate his sexual response to the woman. Most men on the planet historically have not been very connected to the woman's emotion. In other words the woman is almost like a possession. In the past this was particularly the case. In past generations, women were just possessions. Basically from a male's perspective, a woman was just a sex doll really, and a baby production system, and a cook and a cleaner and a washer upper, and all of those kind of things. That's how many men treated their women. Now of course, as a result of that, many women multi-generationally have a lot of anger about being treated this way. Even if you personally weren't, it's a high likelihood your mother or your grandmother or her grandmother was treated that way. [01:22:06.15]

It's only very recently that women have felt empowered. In fact it's only very recently that women were even given a vote, let's face it, let alone any other form of control over their life. And in many countries they're still not given a vote. They're not allowed to buy property. They're not allowed to do so many things, so there is this multi-generational thing that is still being perpetuated today. The woman's emotions then get quite intense. Now, if I'm a male who is sensitive to her emotions, then what I'm going to feel is the barrage of those emotions aimed at myself because I'm a man. In Mary's case, I feel it not only because I'm a man, but because Mary has anger and rage about my death in the first century and the choices that I made in the first century that are in her now. As a result of that when we come together now, if any of those emotions are unfelt within Mary, in other words she's not connecting to them and she's trying to suppress them, she will actually be projecting them; they'll be pushed out of her towards myself. Now as soon as I feel those emotions, because I'm sensitive to her feelings, I immediately lose my erection. [01:23:26.05]

Mary: There's another way that impotence is an issue, isn't there?

Yeah, this is one way. There is another way that's an issue as well. In that place I cannot engage with Mary sexually. We have to stop and then we discuss the emotions that I'm feeling from her, and my response to them. my response to them is to sort of go into my shell, to say, "Oh this barrage coming from you is too much for me to handle. I feel totally unloved and unwanted. I don't feel like I'm desired." Because of some of the injuries I have about that I just go into my shell with it. I talk about it with Mary of course but we have to resolve both of the emotions. Mary needs to look at her rage and anger and I need to look at my response to her rage and anger.

Mary: It's also about love and will in your case. You can feel that my will is not actually to have sex because I'm projecting these things. And so you respond quite sensitively to that.

Yeah. As soon as I feel from Mary that she is not interested in having sex, then I will instantly lose an erection anyway. As soon as I feel from her she's not interested. The reasons for a lack of interest may be manifold. It might be she's being harmed by spirits at the time, or she might be in self-blame or she's feeling self-punishing at the time or she might have some emotions of fear or shame that she's not allowing herself to feel, or some emotions of rage, anger and control.

Mary: If I get triggered into fear or shame, which is not even related but it just comes up as a result of something in my body being triggered through the act, then you immediately...

I immediately have to stop. And then I just let Mary work through that emotion. Once Mary's worked through the emotion I can feel, and my body even responds, to her working through the emotion. If Mary works through the emotion while we're lying in bed together, eventually I'll get an erection again without even touching her, because of the sensitivity to her emotion.

Now, that's one reason why a man may lose his erection. He may be very sensitive to the emotion and therefore be able to respond in that way, which I feel is actually quite a loving way, in the sense that why would you want to have sex with a person who feels a lack of desire? Or why would you want to have sex when the will of the other person isn't involved? Why would you want to have sex if they feel angry towards you? For many men though, impotence or losing of their erection is actually more about rage and for many men the speed of their orgasm is more about rage than it is about sensitivity to the woman's emotion. [01:26:23.10]

Do you understand what I mean by that?

Participant: Yes, that it could have something to do with their not wanting to please the woman to that extent any longer.

Yes. That's correct. Many men want to have the orgasm and get it over and done with and then not please the woman any longer than that. They don't want to touch the woman after that; maybe they even feel ashamed of the woman. There might be many childhood emotions involved in that.

Mary: You know how I was saying that the refusal of my body to orgasm was about suppression of all of rage, anger, control, fear, shame, sexual worthiness, frustration, and self-punishment...

If we talk about the man's refusal, it's got to be about similar emotions.

Emotions in men and women that can prevent sexual performance in both sexes

Mary: He might ejaculate quickly or lose his erection. It is very commonly about the huge suppression of many emotions on his behalf. It's a very similar dynamic.

Yep. But I suggest to all men that when they become completely sensitive to the will and desire of each person in the relationship, then of course the erection will be very sensitive, even in terms of the maintenance of it, in terms of period of time, to the emotional flow between the two of you. For us now it doesn't depend on anything else. For me it doesn't matter how sexy Mary looks. Well she looks gorgeous most of the time, I feel all the time, but it doesn't depend upon that. It doesn't depend upon any of those things but it does depend a lot upon my feelings. I've had times when I've lost my erection because of my own feelings about myself but I've also had times when I can just feel Mary's feelings towards me and while I have a desire then my body shows me that, no, the desire is not there anymore. Yeah. [01:28:16.06]

Mary: Yes. The more pure we become, the more it's based on the flow of energy and emotions between us. Initially when we start working on these issues, like for me, there was no flow and I was in suppression of a lot of that, which was blocking our flow. I was going out of body.

And Mary was getting into self-blame a lot too, blaming her body, saying, "My body's just useless." Getting angry with her body and I'd just try to help Mary get out of the anger with herself and into the fact that, "No, the body's perfect. There's just got to be emotions."

Mary: Yeah. That created the refusal and for many men, the impotence or the quick ejaculation is usually about a lot of the anger, control, shame and lack of worth in women, suppressed from their past or from the history of the relationship. It's not related to that flow.

Does that answer your question, Eva, in a bit more detail?

Participant: Yeah.

Mary: And, Eva, you asked about what your part may be. Well very often these sort of issues for men can occur after they've been with a woman for a long time and she has projected a lot of rage and control and that then triggers in them a lot of other feelings. If it was my partner in that situation, I would be looking at my own feelings of rage, anger, control, fear, shame, sexual unworthiness, frustration and self-punishment that I'm holding onto in myself.

What Mary's suggesting is if the woman has been in this state for a long, long time and unwilling to deal with that state for a long time.

Mary: In refusal, say.

In refusal, then the man's feeling her refusal and after a while that feeling of refusal coming from her just builds up and builds up in the man, and he gets to the point where he really no longer cares. He doesn't care at all about whether she orgasms or not. He doesn't care whether she receives any pleasure or not because he's just too tired of the refusal to deal with the issue. He's now in a rage and the way he acts that out is either through impotence or through quick ejaculation and then just rolling over and going to sleep, in other words using the woman for his own pleasure because that's now the only thing he feels is possible. The alternative to that is going off and cheating on her, going off and having a relationship with a woman who's more responsive. And that happens quite frequently. I don't feel that that is always the case because many times men also have the injury that they should be able to have sex with lots of different women and it's a normal thing and that's a whole different set of injuries. [01:30:48.19]

Don't feel that what we're describing here is a complete set of the injuries that are possible in any partnership because it's not.

22. An example of a man who's an angry woman pleaser during sex

Participant: I'm wondering if I could have been confused or in the dark about sex a lot because I'm a pleaser, and I cared very much about pleasing my girl and she is well pleased. You know, multiple orgasms and...

Can I put to you that all the women you've been engaged with have had huge amounts of rage?

Participant: And I haven't felt that.

I know. Which is this issue. See, they have huge amounts of rage which they are able to act out in the sexual act. That's why they're orgasming frequently, and unfortunately if they have huge amounts of rage there's a high likelihood too that they're also being affected by spirits who are also affecting their sexual response. So you're actually engaging with not just the woman but often many spirits with the woman who want to share in her sexual response. And, because you are so desensitised to a woman's anger, you just feel it's normal that a woman's angry with you. In fact you've become so desensitised that you don't even feel it as anger anymore. That's how desensitised you've become. You now are the absorber of this consistent stream of rage during the sex act and of course that's going to turn the woman on and therefore she will be quite pleased. [01:32:54.25]

Mary: Because she can live in control then.

She's the person living in anger, rage and control. She's got spirits with her living in the same place, heightening her sexual response because they're all enjoying the fact that they have control of this situation. They have the upper hand in this situation, if you could call it that. As a result of that, and you're not even aware of it, you are really being quite denigrated and pushed around. And because it's sex, there's this willingness to overlook it, because you receive some pleasure in the process. Therefore there's a strong willingness to overlook how badly you're getting treated. This is what's happening in your particular situation. [01:33:36.01]

Now the key is to allow yourself to become more sensitive to the rage and anger in the person. Then you've got to allow yourself to actually see that the rage and anger being projected at you is undeserved, that you don't deserve this rage and anger. Perhaps other men may have treated her badly and do deserve such rage and anger, but even then I would argue that if a person wants to love then they will want to heal that too. But you certainly don't deserve this rage and anger. And this is why you often feel quite dissatisfied in the relationship, not sexually dissatisfied, but actually dissatisfied emotionally because the reality is that you're receiving huge amounts of very negative projections in order to satisfy the woman.

Mary: But I would look at the barter you're willing to have. There are huge feelings of unworthiness that translate into neediness with women, so you're happy to receive the anger as long as they placate that emotion within you. There's your responsibility; "Okay, what am I not feeling for myself?" which is how badly I feel about myself in relation to women.

I feel for yourself that it even gets more specific than what Mary said; you're willing to receive the anger as long as you have sex. Sex is your method of getting approval as a male. As long as you receive sex you're willing to have the female's anger for as long as she wants to send it to you. Of course the women you then attract are all going to only be able to orgasm in a rage. In other words, during the sexual process most of the time they are feeling feelings of rage and allowing those feelings of rage to enter you. [01:35:37.15]

Participant: Could they be unaware of their rage too and just be stepped out and so someone else is there?

Most probably, because when a person's in a rage there are heavy spirit influences in that place and therefore the reality is that she's just feeling her own orgasmic state, not realising that her orgasmic state has been heightened by not only her own rage but the rage of the spirits with her who are then utilising her rage in order to feel sexual feelings. In other words she's not really participating in her own sexual experience. Mary in the first century had a lot of experience with this where she was in a rage with men and often acted out that rage in a spirit-induced state, and most of the men accepted it because of the same feeling of, "Sex is sex, so you've got to be happy when you have it."

And that does define most of your female relationships, doesn't it? Many of them are carrying around large amounts of rage, which they do project at you at times other than sex, if you think about it.

Participant: And I have difficulty getting to my grief, so I'm guessing that that's where I need to go?

22.1. Working through addictions in men who allow women's sexual rage

Well yeah, there's a whole set of belief systems first, Michael. The belief system, "Actually, this is allowable," begins the problem, where you're allowing the woman who's angry to use you, and you've got to look at why. Would you normally be attracted to such an angry woman? You've got to look at that; the attraction you feel towards the angry and resentful woman. You've got to look at why you feel so attracted to that angry resentful woman and partly I feel it's because some spirits with you know that they'll give you lots of sex as long as you please them.

Your method of getting approval as a male is by the woman wanting sex with you. Now you're willing to overlook large amounts of rage in your day-to-day existence with her. She comes home angry, she's spitting chips most of the time, and you're willing to overlook all of that as long as the sexual union seems to be consistent. And that's the place to start; the willingness to overlook poor behaviour just because you are getting some sexual feelings from her. Unfortunately, most women who have any form of interaction with you are in sexual rage and they know that you are the kind of person who'll be able to allow that to come out during the sex act and they know they're going to have some enjoyment with that.

Mary: I don't know, it's just a little round-off probably, just about addictions. Emotional addictions. Before we even get to the grief that drives an emotional addiction, we have to first be willing to see the extent of the addiction, and that's basically what AJ's describing to you. You have to be willing to see how big this is in your life, how much the barter occurs, see the extent of what's happening, and then connect to the damage that it's doing to you and to the other people involved. Really be willing to see those first two things because until you are, it's going to be very hard to get to the grief of what's actually happened that you're actually avoiding.

While we're not willing to see those things, we're not really willing to, like, open the windows and see what's there. It's very hard to get deeper. We can intellectually go, "This is grief about not feeling loved by mum," but if we're not willing to see just how big it is, a theme in our life, we're never fully going to release how much is actually there. That's my feeling anyway. Do you agree with that? [01:40:09.22]

Yeah, definitely. And what's happening for yourself is that you are staying in the addiction because it's a preferable state to feeling the grief that's really within you about how you're being treated on a day-to-day basis. You are generally overlooking the treatment in preference to the sex and many men do this because our addiction to sex is a way of getting the feelings of sexual approval. That's one of the reasons why we do it. We need to look at that because this is not an equal relationship now. One person is projecting huge amounts of rage through the sex act at the other person and it's very, very damaging for you to absorb it into yourself. But it's also damaging for the woman because she's becoming more and more connected to her sexual rage, living in her sexual rage, never releasing it in fact, and unfortunately in that state becoming over-cloaked with spirits during the sex act as well. You're not only having sex with one person now, you're basically having threesomes or more every single time you're engaging sexually.

And the other thing is that if you think about in your day-to-day relationships you have been very disappointed emotionally. You often feel quite misunderstood, quite unappreciated and so forth emotionally in these relationships but because of the sex, you stay in the relationship. And quite often you absorb quite a lot of anger that's not just sexual in the relationship but you absorb that anger because of the sexual connection being strong, or what you feel is "strong." Also one other thing I'd like to bring to your attention is that at least one of the women in your past have become lesbian after leaving you. My suggestion to you is to consider that that's how much sexual rage they have towards the male. And that's something to just allow yourself to feel about. (Michael starts crying) Yeah. That's good, Michael. [01:42:31.23]

23. Suppression of emotions invites spirit influence during sexual acts

Participant: Could you just talk a bit more about the spirit influence at that time? Like when does it actually stop? When you're in a sex act? When are you not influenced by spirits? At what point do you reach...?

Remember that our pure emotions are all loving, they're all lovingly-based. All of our other emotions that are rage, anger, control, fear, shame, all of the emotions that eventually we need to release from us, they are not based on love. They are based on other things. Now there's a difference between feeling the emotion and releasing it, and using the emotion to maintain a state. When you get into a rage (and all of you at some point in your life have surely been in a rage), in that place there is a desire to maintain the state as long as possible most of the time. Now the reason for that is that we have no desire to get underneath that state and into the actual emotion we really do feel. The rage is the preferred power-based position. While I am searching for power (and rage, anger, control are all forms of power that I'm searching for), not only am I avoiding more causal emotions of fear and shame and the underlying grief, but I am now in the state where many spirits are going to be attracted to express their emotions through me. [01:44:15.25]

Now if the rage and anger and control feelings are revolving around the sexual acts, then during the sexual acts I am definitely going to be over-cloaked or engaged with spirits sexually. That can only stop when I'm willing to actually own the rage and anger that I have inside of myself without having sex, express that and release it and then get underneath that to the fear and shame, the terrible terrors and shame that exist, the avoidance of which cause the rage. While I'm heavily trying to shut down my fear and shame, I will revert to rage, anger, and control, and when I revert to those emotions and live in them, now I am definitely going to attract many spirits around me who wish to engage those feelings with me.

The combination of sexual feelings along with rage, anger, and control is one of the most powerful motivators for spirits and for people on Earth to never change their life. In other words, I can only orgasm or climax, I can only feel good when I feel rage, anger, and control, and that is one of the most powerful ways in which spirits can affect us. Many men for example who become rapists or abusers are in this state. They are angry and also having sexual desires at the time, and as a result of that they are in sexual rage and they can perpetrate all forms of violence in justification of this rage.

For many women, they don't have the physical power to actually do that. They engage a man who's willing to absorb all of that rage. They find a man like Michael, unfortunately, and project all that rage to him and during that rage can now also orgasm. In that place many spirits are actually involved in the process. [01:46:24.22]

Mary: The critical point is when we own it. As you know with other spirit influence, it's only when we want to live in the state, project the state, suppress the state, that spirits can hook in. As soon as I own, "I'm angry and it's my feeling, it's not your fault, it's my feeling," spirits can't maintain the connection.

So that's why when myself and Mary are together, whenever Mary feels that anger, whether it's towards me or other men in the past that she's been involved with, I mean in the first century past, towards whom she has a lot of rage because of how damaging they were towards her, then we just stop straight away and I just encourage Mary to go into this rage. Just go into the rage. And the rage might last twenty minutes or half an hour or an hour or whatever. Just allow the going into the rage. While you're in your personal rage, while you're actually feeling the related emotions, spirits can now not affect you with their rage. It's the denial of your personal rage that causes spirits to be able to greatly influence you in that state and connect with you sexually and so forth and before you know it, many even have heightened sexual experiences in that state.

They actually tell themselves they're even more connected than they are. Remember I described yesterday how when an emotional flow occurs outside of me, the sexual feelings can now pass through me? They're not blocked anymore. If I have a deep injury of sexual rage, and I find somebody who has no sexual rage but in fact the opposite emotion of absorption of sexual rage, now there's a connection, now my sexy feelings will be very strong and then if I'm in the rage, I've got spirits with me enhancing those feelings because I'm allowing the flow of those feelings in that state. Now the spirits with me can enhance those feelings even stronger and before I know it I'm just like a sexual monster really in a lot of ways projecting all of this stuff. And I'm enjoying myself, but it doesn't mean the other person is. [01:48:35.14]

Mary: But the other person may be enjoying themselves if they have a lot of shame that they feel I'm sexually disgusting.

Or they have a lot of sexual unworthiness. They'll absorb all that.

Mary: They'll take that in.

And feel quite turned on as well in the process. So it'll feel great to both people but the reality is it's not loving.

Participant: For example, when we've felt some emotions and then we have a desire for each other and we go into an act, even though we've still got all those other emotions we haven't dealt with, I guess during the act itself, we're still allowing other spirits to come in because of that other set of emotions?

It's the shutdown of rage, anger, and control that allow the other spirits to come. When you're in full engagement, you're not now allowing spirits very well at all; in fact they can't get in.

Mary: You don't have to be completely healed to have no spirit influence. You just have to be completely in your body and in your experience. You can deal with some emotions and come together in a pure desire or a desire that's based fairly purely, and stay connected with each other and your body in that state and no spirit can be involved. It's when, if you're in that act, something gets triggered for one of you and you suppress it, then you open it. [01:49:47.17]

Can I draw to your attention too, Anto, that spirits who do this are all in the hells or in a condition of the hells. If you together are in a second sphere condition, they are already going to be very uncomfortable around you, no matter what emotions you feel.

Participant: I mean when we started this path we actually had experiences where we realised it wasn't actually us.

Exactly, where you were totally over-cloaked.

Participant: We woke up and realised we were actually having sex and we weren't aware of it. But now things are slowly changing.

And as your condition grows, once you get to about a third sphere condition together, in that place you're in total truth with each other and you no longer have any fear dominance in your entire life. In other words truth always dominates your entire life, and you'd never engage anybody in a fearful way. In that state it's very, very hard for any spirit now to influence the sex act between the two of you because most spirits who could do so would be in the hells and they feel that to even be in your presence is uncomfortable. So that disconnects you almost completely.

24. Women's rage towards men

24.1. Many women are resistive to hearing about men's emotions about sex

Mary: Can I just say that since you started speaking to the men, men have starting asking questions and you've addressed some of the masculine emotion. I don't know if anyone else can feel it but the whole energy has dropped and there is a lot of rage being projected at me right now. So there's obviously some spirits here. I'm just going to love them because they're feeling a bit challenged about loving men.

They're women spirits affecting many of the women in the audience now. And yes, the challenge is to heal these inter-gender emotional injuries. Many of you women who are hearing this stuff as we talk about men, if you're finding yourself getting tired or finding yourself feeling exhausted all of a sudden, that is the amount of female spirit influence you are under to not know anything about a man's emotion. That can be quite intense. [01:52:01.06]

Mary: Many of us, and I used to be in this state, feel there's so much damage being done to women and that has been done to me, that to even hear about a man's experience, or a man's pain, made me angry.

Felt like a betrayal.

Mary: It felt like, "Hey, but what about me? My pain is paramount, it's more." And the justification of my fear and all of those things made me very resistive to even hearing about a man's experience. I think it's beautiful that the men are opening up and sharing their experiences.

In our earlier relationship I would listen to Mary for hours and hours about her emotions. As soon as I opened my mouth to speak about just one emotion, Mary would close down completely. She wouldn't even want to hear it at all. She'd get up, walk out. All of a sudden she had to do other things, whatever would happen. There would never be an overt, "No I don't want to hear you," but it would just happen every single time.

Mary: And there were a lot of women spirits helping me with that because I was in avoidance of all of these emotions; rage, anger, control, fear, shame, sexual unworthiness, and frustration.

So I suggest to you, if you're feeling closed down or feeling sort of in a rage about listening to a male about his emotions of sadness about sexual connection, and this applies to the spirits who are here, that actually tells you that you're in a lot of rage with men that you're not willing to feel and grieve. And if you ever want to be happy, the only way is to get through that rage and into the fear and shame and then underneath that into the grief. And this applies to many of these women spirits. They are very resistive to getting into this grief and so they want every woman on the planet to be angry with men generally.

24.2. The impact on men and their male children of women's rage towards men

It's a bit sad in a way because if you think about it, many of you women have a love of your children. But just think about it this way. Many of you have huge amounts of rage and anger that you continue to project or continue to feel inside of yourself towards men. Most of the time it's sexual rage; it's very sexually-based, and sexuality is at the core of a person's worth. So it's a very harsh emotion coming out. I understand why you would have it, because of the harm you've received by these men, but unfortunately if you don't heal it, if you have a male child, he is going to bear the brunt because he is going to be the closest man to you. He is going to bear the brunt of those emotions. [01:55:18.23]

Women who don't own their rage towards men project it onto their sons

What do you think your son is going to grow up like? There are only two possible things he can grow up to be. One is to be a sexual predator himself because of the amount of rage that he has inside of him about how he was unfairly treated, because he didn't do the damage. Other men did the damage. The problem with viewing all men as damaging when you have been harmed by men, and the problem with viewing all women as damaging when you've been harmed by women is that if you don't release that emotion you are now projecting it towards men or women that have not harmed you. Now is that just? It's not just. It's not loving. And unfortunately the men who have not harmed you will feel the injustice of that.

How do you feel when you're treated unjustly? Don't you often feel quite angry? Eventually these men, if they continue to get treated unjustly when they never did the damage, are going to become enraged with you. They are actually going to have rage in them because of your unfair treatment of them. This is a problem that we have emotionally. Somebody treats us unfairly. Let's draw it in red because that's how it often looks colour-wise in the spirit world. They treat you unfairly, all these really nasty emotions enter you, and because you don't want to feel your grief, you then project out at them, but unfortunately you're usually afraid to project to those men who harmed you, because they harmed you, and you're afraid of them. So of course you're not going to project anger and rage at them because you're afraid of them hurting you even further. And so you finish up projecting your rage and anger towards the men who will receive it, who actually haven't hurt you, who you're not afraid of. And that is very unjust. It's an unjust act and not only is it an unjust act, it lacks courage because if there is any rage and anger that you are going to feel, it should be towards the perpetrator, surely. Not towards people who are innocent. [01:58:01.24]

Women who are afraid to project their anger at the men who have harmed them (top), project their rage at other men and their sons instead, who will accept it (below)

Mary: Well even this projection, babe, is an avoidance of feeling anger towards the people it belongs to, the perpetrators of the damage towards the woman.

But only if there is any right, if there's any justice. We're not talking about love.

Mary: No, no. I meant that even this projection of rage towards the men who will receive the rage is actually a projection of the rage you do feel with these perpetrators, but are avoiding.

But you're unwilling to feel it.

Mary: Yeah, because of fear.

So that is unfair now. It's unfair. The perpetrators of harm are the men who deserve the projection, if there's anybody could be said to deserve any projection, and I don't agree that anybody can be said to be doing that. But if we were just about it, the perpetrators are the men who would be receiving the anger. Not other men, and certainly not your own male child. He certainly does not deserve any of it but he is receiving it. And sooner or later he's going to be affected by it.

So this is where we need to understand the responsibility of not releasing causal emotion. Whenever we decide to not release the grief of the hurt, most of the time we are now not damaging the people who hurt us, because those persons are the people we're afraid of. Most of the time we're damaging other people; other people who are totally innocent of any of these engagements with us. And yet we're damaging them. That's where we need to understand the problem of not dealing with our own emotion properly, and taking responsibility. [01:59:40.10]

24.3. An example of a spirit-influenced woman with rage towards men and sexual fear

Participant: I feel like I've done more damage to men than I've ever had done to me.

Personally, you mean? Any you had done to you personally?

Participant: Yeah. And I feel like I've been very spirit-influenced sexually ever since I was a child, with what was done to me and then how I was influenced as a child and then what I've done as a result as a woman.

Yeah. Unfortunately the current crop of sensitive men, of which there are some I must say, are enduring the abuse perpetrated by the insensitive and uncaring men. This is very damaging because eventually the next generation after that becomes exactly the person that you were afraid of in the first instance.

So generationally, let's say there's a woman who's being influenced by a spirit from an older generation who's in a rage with men. For some reason she just has a feeling of rage towards men but she's never really been personally harmed by men very much. She might have had a dad who wasn't present and those kind of things, but she's never really had terrible sexual abuse or been raped or any of those things. The female spirit projects at the woman, "You've got to hate all men." A man comes along who might be quite nice, and this might be a man who's willing to absorb that hatred, he has to be otherwise he wouldn't be attracted, and so he gets all that hatred. They eventually get together and they have children. They have a male child. The male child receives all that hatred. He's only going to grow to be one of two things. He's going to either be a perpetrator of anger towards women because of the injustice of his own projection from his mother, or he's going to be a pleaser of women, just like his father. He can only be one of those two. [02:02:01.28]

A female spirit (top) with rage towards men can influence a woman in her behaviour towards her husband (middle) and male child (below)

Participant: Yeah. He's a woman pleaser.

Yep. He can only ever be one of those two things. Now all of that begins with this hook between the woman on Earth and the spirit, who is remaining in her rage rather than feeling her causal grief and anger. The female spirit wants to protect this woman by using rage and anger to do so, attracting a man who's also in a sensitive condition, and then creating a child who's now either angry and mad as hell, or a woman pleaser. Either way he's going to have quite a lot of pretty hard emotions to work through, particularly that child.

Participant: I guess my other question is, I've got so much fear about being sexual again because of how awful it became when I was. And apart from going more into the shame I don't quite know where to go without being in a relationship to start with.

Yep. Well the truth is you probably won't get into a relationship while this sexual fear is present. You'll be attracting celibacy.

Participant: Yeah, I feel like that's what I'm doing.

Yeah. And many women are doing this nowadays. They're attracting celibacy. They're attracting separation, being single for a long period of time.

24.3.1. Dealing with the fear of the angry woman spirit

Now if you think about the dynamic that we just spoke about, this is a very much what's been happening with yourself. Firstly, can you see what you are hooked into this woman spirit for? What is the emotional hook that you have with her? Because I feel that much of your fear about sexual engaging is actually your fear of her response to it. Imagine she's a mum on Earth and mum's in a rage with you every time you even think about being with a man. That's what this woman's doing to you. She's in a rage with you every time you even think about joining with your soulmate. "You just think about it, and I'm going to hammer you." [02:04:22.23]

Participant: I know and it's so much more intense now.

Very much so, because your male children are more sensitive to it, but what we've got to do is look at the hook you have into her. Why are you keeping her with you? Why are you responding? Now the hook has to be fear, doesn't it? What is this fear of? It is fear of angry women. Now who does that remind you of?

Participant: My mother.

A woman on Earth will do what the spirit wants with regards to men because she is afraid of angry women

It's fear of your mother. It was fear of mum. You're afraid of your mother and her opinions. That's the hook that maintains this connection with this spirit. That then means you're now afraid to do anything other than have no relationship. The spirit's perfectly happy with you never having a relationship again. [02:05:19.27]

Participant: Yeah. I know I feel like my mother's perfectly happy that I'm just having a relationship with her now and she's got no partners around.

Exactly. Yep.

Participant: And even my son now wants to go and look after her in a sense emotionally.

Of course he will. He'll be feeling your guilt and other emotions as well. So the real problem you face is not to do with your fear of a sexual relationship. Your real problem is your fear of your angry mother and her opinions of you having a sexual relationship.

Participant: Yep. The guilt.

That's the emotion that needs to be addressed first. When you address that emotion, you will find that your fear of the sexual relationship will lessen quite considerably, and as a result of that you'll feel more inclined to sexually engage a person who you feel is your soulmate. If he's willing of course!

Participant: Thank you.

24.3.2. Factors that prevent a soulmate being attracted to a spirit-influenced angry woman

Of course he's going to be more willing if he doesn't feel this continual fear of angry rageful women around you. Because it's terrible as a male to feel that your wife or your partner is more concerned about her mother than she is about you. She's more worried about her mother's opinions than she is about you. She's more concerned about pleasing her mother than she is about pleasing you and it just feels like you're always going to take second place, if even that. The reality is that if you're afraid of your mother, you're going to be afraid of every other woman.

How it looks in terms of the male who's looking at a relationship with you is, "I've got to firstly go through your mum and get her approval of me, which is highly unlikely because she's an angry woman who hates men, and I'm a man, so it's going to be pretty hard to get her approval." And then you're bound to have, due to the Law of Attraction with this emotion, many friends who are also angry women. "So now I've got to get the approval of all of your friends, which is highly unlikely because all of them are also angry with men due to the Law of Attraction." [02:07:39.07]

"And then somehow I've also got to get the approval of the spirit that won't even talk to me, who's influencing you. I've got to get approval of the angry spirit women who are with you." Now the average male looks at that and goes, "I think I'll go for somebody else!" (Laughter) He's got to be pretty dedicated about the soulmate issue before he's going to bite that off.

And then many women who are attracting this also have a feeling of connectivity with their father, so now we've got another set of emotions. There's daddy, whether he's in the spirit world or on Earth, and he gives her all these nice feelings of approval and acceptance and she's the special girl and all that kind of stuff. Special girl-type feelings towards his daughter, and now this poor old soulmate has to also get dad's approval as well but of course he's not going to feel much approval because dad's going to be jealous of any man that the woman connects to.

A male soulmate has many oppositions to forming a relationship with a spirit-influenced angry woman

And then there's also any male spirits who are like dad who are projecting that at you as well, that he's got to go through. So now he's going, "Whoa! How do I have a relationship under these circumstances?" And to be frank with it, many of our relationships are happening through this soup of all of these different emotions being projected at any one point in time. And that's why sometimes relationships feel very difficult. It's not because of the one-on-one interaction most of the time that it's actually difficult. It's because of all of these other things going on.

Mary: All the hooks into everyone else.

All the hooks into everything else. Yeah.

25. Closing Words

I think two hours are well and truly up, aren't they? We're probably not going to be able to answer any more of them now, but I hope you've seen with yesterday's sexual discussion and also the sexual questions that we answered today about the soul, that there is quite a lot involved in the emotions with regard to sexuality. What we need to understand about sexual attraction is that it's more about the unhealed emotions than it is about sex. [02:10:36.01]

Mary: That's what we were trying to emphasise so often yesterday. Very often our sexual injury is not even related to sex; it's related to all the dozens of other influences and priorities we put in our life.

And many of us get afraid of relationships, not because of the relationship, but rather because we're afraid of all the other people's opinions about our relationship. And we get all of their rage and anger and resistance to the relationship so we don't engage a relationship because of the opinions of mum and dad, the opinions of all of our friends, the opinions of all of our spirit friends. Some of our deep fears are actually not about the relationship with this woman, in the example I just gave, but rather about all of these people's opinions about my relationship with this woman, and how society is going to respond to this relationship. And yet having a loving relationship is the most beautiful thing to experience. [02:11:42.03]

Participant: So he starts masturbating.

(Laughs) So we start masturbating instead because there's no other option! Yeah. And that's true too; that's why the sales of vibrators and dildos and everything are increasing because at the end of the day a lot of people feel more connected to a toy than they do to a person; they actually feel afraid of the person. They're not necessarily feeling afraid of the interaction with the person, but rather all of these other things that are going on. This is the thing to bear in mind.

Mary: And can I address the spirits in the room, and also for the women? I know we've spoken a lot about the injuries in women and that is because I'm really walking this path through all of my sexual injuries at the moment and so I believe there's even a Law of Attraction that is created through that. I'd just like to encourage you all, as I am endeavouring, to soften into this, not just to the grief and shame that I have inside of me but the demands and expectations I have on men to help me avoid those things, and the unloving belief systems that I have about men. Because I really feel that if we want to be leaders, this is the way to lead, from our hearts and in a softening into this true femininity that many of us, even myself as a woman, I feel lacking around me from my own mum, in my own self. I feel we can be leaders in this but it takes humility and a desire to see ourselves.

And from a male's perspective, there are usually only two directions in which a male goes sexually. One is into sexual arrogance and the other is into sexual neediness. And either one of those conditions need to be resolved if we really want to have a joining with our partner. We need to remove any sexual neediness from ourselves, through a process of grieving. We need remove the sexual arrogance that we have through a process of seeing how much demand and expectation we have and how good we think we are in comparison to others.

If we have the neediness, we need to do one of set of things; if we have the arrogance, we need to do the other. But it's usually one of those two areas that the male needs to go into if he really wants to heal and have a soulmate relationship with his soulmate. You can have all sorts of relationship with your soulmate, but to have a soulmate relationship with your soulmate, both the female and the male in the relationship, or if they're two males, both males, or if they're two females in the relationship, both women, have to resolve their inter-gender emotional injuries. They have to resolve their injuries with mum and their injuries with dad. Basically that's where they begin.

Mary: Yeah, and as you can probably see, we're quite passionate about this topic because I really feel that a lot of the dynamic within the relationship is reflected in the sexual union, and what happens in that relationship or the lack of it. And we both feel really inspired about our own progress in this area and what it brings up.

Also the amount of joy that you can receive from the relationship is unknown on this planet at the moment. The amount of joy you can receive from a relationship is totally unknown in terms of pure joy that's based upon love and truth and desire. It is totally unknown on the planet, and as a result of that many of us are quite disillusioned with relationships. In reality we all have the ability to heal these emotions so that the joy can return and then this relationship becomes so binding and intense and enjoyable that you don't consider having a relationship with anybody else. You don't need your mummy and your daddy and your brother and your sister and your friends. You don't need them anymore, and because you don't need them anymore, you're no longer in addiction with them anymore, and now you can love them more. So actually the binding of the relationship can cause both parties in the relationship to become more loving to everyone else as a result. That's the beauty and the effect that it has in the world around you.

We just thought we'd remind you of that before we close. (Applause)

