

### The Wrong Night

### By Katrine Robinson

### Copyright Katrine Robinson 2011

### Smashwords Edition

*****

### Smashwords Edition, License Notes

This ebook is licensed for your personal enjoyment only. This ebook may not be re-sold or given away to other people. If you would like to share this book with another person, please purchase an additional copy for each recipient. If you are reading this book and did not purchase it, or it was not purchased for your use only, then please return to Smashwords.com and purchase your own copy. Thank you for respecting the hard work of this author.

*****

For all those who know it was so,

and all those who hope it is so

and all those who wish it might be so.

### Table of contents

Chapter 1: Tea, Toad and the Beginning

Chapter 2: Percy Persecuted

Chapter 3: Grumbo

Chapter 4: Rescuing the Presents

Chapter 5: Fire!

Chapter 6; Sleigh Rides and Slippers

Chapter 7: Breakfast

Chapter 8: Letters and Chimneys

Chapter 9: Grumbo Engineers a Sticky Situation

Chapter 10: Practical Jokes

Chapter 11: What is a Chief Father Christmas Like?

Chapter 12: Going Back

Chapter 13: Percy Alone

Chapter 14: Aunt Lucy

### Chapter 1- Tea, Toad and The Beginning

Percy dropped the toad (it was a big warty one) carefully into the cake tin and shut the lid hastily. He could hear his mother and Mrs Doggett puffing and wobbling through the hall. Creeping out, he tiptoed round the corner and joined Will, who was sitting on the patio below the window, his watch on his knee.

"Done it!" mouthed Percy, putting his finger to his lips and passing Will a large, crumbly, but slightly squashed, piece of chocolate cake from the two in his pocket. Will picked off a few bits of fluff and began to eat.

"We'll just have a nice cup of tea before we do the beds." - His mother's voice floated comfortably out of the open window. "Is there any of your cake left?"

"There should be a couple of slices in the tin," replied Mrs Doggett. "I'll get the plates."

Percy and Will glanced at each other and momentarily stopped chewing in gleeful anticipation. There was the clatter of crockery and the rumble of the kettle boiling. Then came the unmistakeable metallic sound of the tin being opened.........

Tinned Toad for Tea?

"Aaaaaagh!" -Mrs Doggett's startled scream was lengthy and ear splitting! Will pressed the button on his watch.

"4.8 seconds – not bad," he gasped, as they ran, bent double, to the far end of the garden, "-but you haven't beaten my 5.2 yet!"

Safely concealed in the shed, they rolled about gasping with mirth.

"We could rescue it," suggested Percy, wiping tears of laughter from his eye with one hand and scratching a scab on his knee with the other. "It was a really good toad. It'd be a pity to waste it."

"It was," agreed Will, taking off his sock to examine the progress of his verrucca. "What'll your mum do with it?"

"Put it in the outside bin if she catches it, I suppose," replied Percy thoughtfully.

"She won't catch it. It jumps too fast"

"Bet you!"

"Bet you she doesn't."

"First go on the computer, she does!" They crept to the door and peered out through the crack. Distant sounds of commotion were still coming from the kitchen window. Then there was a bang, and with a shout of "Out you go you nasty thing!" the edge of a broom shot briefly out beyond the corner of the house.

"I win!" declared Will triumphantly, but Percy's mind had moved on:

"A mouse would be good," he said reflectively. "I bet she'd shriek longer with a mouse."

"The spiders were best. Where'd we get a live mouse anyway?"

"Well, a dead one then. One of those your Henry brings in – with maggots!"

"Maggots!" breathed Will with delight. "White and wriggling...."

"If we keep it warm they won't take long to hatch."

"If he catches one tonight I'll bring it after school."

But the next day everything changed.

Percy came home from school to find his mother in tears in the living room and his father hurling piles of papers into cardboard boxes with silent venom. Percy took one look and decided that Mrs Doggett's kitchen was the best place to be.... But Mrs Doggett wasn't there. She wasn't in the utility room either. Furthermore there was no smell of cooking and no chocolate biscuits.

It had been a bad day at school. He'd had to stay in at break because he hadn't learnt his spellings; Will had caught chicken pox and was away sick, and now this! Percy inspected the kitchen meticulously – there was no sign of tea! That was really bad news. He wandered back into the living room. His mother was sitting by herself on the sofa with a large pink box of tissues. His father had disappeared back into his office.

"Oh, Percy!" she cried."What shall we do?" As Percy didn't know the answer to this question, he asked one himself:

"Where's Mrs Doggett?"

"Oh, Percy!" sobbed his mother again. "Your father's sent Mrs Doggett away. He says we can't afford her any longer. We've got to move house! He's lost all his money!"

"What are we going to have for dinner?" asked Percy, who was hungry. Percy's mother just sobbed. Percy went back into the kitchen and helped himself to two packets of crisps, a yoghurt, three slices of bread and jam, a glass of milk, a banana, a large bowl of sugar puffs and four satsumas. It didn't look very much so he added an apple and a slice of Mrs Doggett's new cake that was lurking at the back of the cupboard. Then he went to his room and switched the computer on gloomily – it wasn't the same without Will, and there was no custard.

****

The first thing that happened after Percy's father lost his money; the thing that happened even before Percy's mother had properly stopped crying all over the sofa; was that Percy's father started putting everything into a large removal van in the drive. He began with the boxes of paper and then gradually moved on to everything else, glaring at Percy's mother at intervals as he passed through the living room. Percy watched him from the bedroom window. Grown-ups were very peculiar, he decided. His father looked very cross, but then rather tired too. Percy felt a bit sorry for him, and as he'd finished the last satsuma he thought perhaps he'd try and help. He went downstairs and began to carry things from the pile that had grown in the hall out to the van. Percy's father stopped for a moment and looked at him. It wasn't a particularly pleased sort of look. Percy faltered for a moment as he heaved a pile of books over the doorstep, but then carried on. Between them in silence they gradually emptied the house of almost everything but the biggest bits of furniture and the still sobbing Mrs Proudworthy, enthroned on her sofa.

"Get in the back," Mr Proudworthy ordered Percy, curtly. "Maria, if you're coming with us, get in now. I don't intend to wait." With that injunction he climbed into the driver's seat and started the engine.

"Oh Edwin! Wait a minute! Wait a minute! I'm coming!" - Maria Proudworthy wobbled frantically across the drive clutching her tissues and climbed clumsily into the van, sniffing loudly and dabbing her red-rimmed eyes. Percy, sitting on Mrs Doggett's favourite kitchen chair pressed up against the upturned coffee table in the gloom of the back, wondered where they were going.

After what seemed like a very long time indeed Mr Proudworthy brought the van to a bumpy halt outside a long row of terraced houses built of dirty bricks.

*****

The new house was a great deal smaller and darker than the old one. It didn't have a beech tree or a garden pond. It had a dusty prickly sort of hedge that poked out in the wrong places, some concrete flags with a washing line pole stuck in the middle and three broken plant pots.

Percy's room was tiny. There was just room for his bed and a chest of drawers. It had a little old fashioned fire place with a black hood over it in one corner. Percy wasn't too bothered at first. His mother promised him that when they had got rid of the spare furniture and the papers from the old house that were filling the other bedroom he could have that to use as a playroom.

Percy's Room

What did bother Percy was that he didn't have any friends. None of the other people who lived in the road had children. They had sticks or zimmer frames, wore a lot of bulky clothes and walked very slowly to stand queues at the Post Office on the corner. Some of them were fat with wobbly bits and some of them were withered with crinkles, but all of them were old. Mostly they edged away a little when they saw him as if he might be dangerous, but the ones who didn't breathed out extra strong mints and called him "son" or even referred to him as "the wee lad".

Because he was lonely, Percy was quite looking forward to starting his new school although he was a bit afraid at the same time.

Percy's mother came with him on the first day. They stood there at the front of the classroom and Miss Carbuncle, the teacher, asked his name so that she could write it in the register.

Miss Carbuncle

"Percival Piers Paulinus Ponsonby Parminter Proudworthy," answered his mother, proudly, before Percy could get a word in edgeways. Miss Carbuncle looked at them, slowly, over the top of her spectacles, and a titter ran around the class.

"Silence!" rapped out Miss Carbuncle. "Percival, you may sit next to Sarah." She handed him a book. "Page 22, exercise 7, and remember that I do not allow casual conversation in my lessons and visits to the toilet take place strictly at break times."

"Oh dear! He's very delicate..." began Mrs Proudworthy.

"Indeed?" said Miss Carbuncle, holding open the classroom door. "Then we must harden off this hot-house flower for you. Good morning."

Percy moved nervously towards the empty place at the table. He'd never had to sit next to a girl before! Sarah moved her chair as far as possible from him and turned sideways so that she was looking in the other direction. He cheered up a little when he had found exercise 7 which turned out to be multiplication, as he was quite good at that.

When the bell rang, Miss Carbuncle shut her book with a snap and pointed at the door. The entire class rose and surged forward out of the classroom in a babble of voices. Percy, who was used to forming orderly queues, was taken by surprise. By the time he emerged the corridor was almost empty and there was no-one to tell him where to go or what to do. As he stood there wondering which way to turn, Miss Carbuncle suddenly materialised:

"Loitering, Percival?"She gave the word a menacing resonance. As she loomed closer to him, Percy experienced the same sense of panic that he once had felt when a wasp landed on his nose. "Loitering is forbidden. However, I shall overlook it, this once, as it is your first day. Now, OUT!" She raised a thin bony finger and pointed. Percy scuttled wildly down the corridor, gasping with relief as he reached a door into the playground.

### Chapter 2- Percy Persecuted

Percy had barely been in the playground for more than a moment when a voice behind him said "Well if it isn't our Pauline!" He spun round to see three of the boys who had been sitting at the front of Miss Carbuncle's class smirking at him.

"He's very delicate, you know!" said one of the others. "A little hot-house flower!"

"I think we ought to see how delicate he is," said the first.

"Let's find out...," said the second. They advanced towards Percy, spreading out slightly to cut off his escape. Percy backed towards the wall a little. Could he dive between them, he wondered? Maybe if he kept low down like a rugby scrum, he thought desperately. But where would he run to? The wall of the second mobile classroom was hiding them from view. If he could get clear of that maybe it would be safer in the main body of the playground. He was quite certain it wasn't safe here. He drew in his breath and tensed his muscles for a sudden dash.

"Pauline's looking anxious," said the tallest of the boys. "Mummy's little flower thinks he's going to run away." He drew a step closer, closing the trap. Percy breathed hard. It was now or never.

"Ahh, I wondered where you three had got to," said a deep male voice emerging from the rear of the hut. "Damien, the Head wants you, now. Richard, Harry, make yourselves scarce. The new boy doesn't need your help to break the rules. I'm sure he'll manage perfectly well to do it for himself. I don't want to see either of you until the end of break and if there's any trouble you'll miss football. Got it? Now, go!" He watched as the three departed and then turned to Percy. "If you've got any sense, though you don't look as though you have, you'll keep well away from those three. They're bad news."

"Yes sir," responded Percy, breathing hard with relief.

"Hmm," remarked Mr Melley who took PE, and whose parents, with an unfortunate lack of foresight, had christened him Steven: "Hopelessly unfit- just as I expected," with which he turned on his heel and left briskly. Percy looked miserably about him.

Three girls in the far corner were looking at him. One of them was bent almost double with giggles, and the others weren't much better. Not too distant, a rather under-sized boy with spectacles was standing on his own apparently gazing into space. His clothes looked too big for him, as though they had been bought for someone else much older. Percy looked down at his own jumper and trousers. They fitted, but they still looked out of place. They were too neat. His trousers had creases ironed in, and his jumper was a smart wool one, not a sweatshirt like the other boys. Furthermore, underneath he had a shirt with a tie. No-one else wore a tie. Not even the headmaster seemed to wear a tie. Percy decided he would lose the tie on the way home.

*****

The next day was not much better. Percy arrived as close to nine o'clock as possible so as to avoid being too long in the playground. In the classroom his chair bore a large label saying "Pauline's Place" in bright pink felt tip with huge letters. Great shiny pink bows of ribbon decorated the back of the seat and the legs of his desk. Percy just had time to tear off the label when Miss Carbuncle arrived.

Miss Carbuncle said nothing at all. She just looked.

And the class looked.

And Percy silently shrivelled up inside.

"English- page 197," announced Miss Carbuncle. "Today we will study adjectives. Adjectives are describing words. -What are adjectives, Damien?"

"Describing words, Miss Carbuncle."

"What are adjectives, Richard?"

"Describing words, Miss Carbuncle."

"I'm glad to see you're paying attention. Adjectives describe things. What do adjectives describe, Harold?"

"Things, Miss Carbuncle."

"Good. Today we are going to use adjectives to describe the things we can see in the classroom. Turn to your neighbour and study him or her closely. Then I want you to write a description of what you see using as many varied adjectives as possible. Yes, Sarah? "

"Please Miss Carbuncle, is 'pink' an adjective?"

"Yes, Sarah, but please don't stop at 'pink' – in Percival you have an excellent subject before you for whom you should be able to find a wealth of adjectives."

Sarah smirked and looked across at Percy like a cat watching a trapped mouse.Percy bent his head to his book and tried to shut out the suppressed giggles he could hear coming from behind him. Out of the corner of his eye he could see Sarah writing:

'Pauline is fat and pink. He has yucky brown hair and clothes like my granddad and he looks stupid. He is a new boy and he has a lot of silly names. He has a white shirt and lace-up shoes.'On his other side Melanie was scribbling away, glancing at him from time to time and grinning. He could see:

'Pauline is a stuck-up boy with scared eyes and a funny chin....'

Suddenly Percy decided to fight back. He looked very firmly at Sarah, and then began to write:

'Sarah is a strange girl with long dark hair and a malicious mouth....' That's a good word, 'malicious', he thought to himself, proudly. 'She has hairy arms and ugly jagged fingernails where she chews them. Her face is thin and pointed like a sick cat, and she picks her sharp nose,' he continued. 'Her black hair looks greasy and sometimes she twists it round her finger and bites the long ends with her sticky-out front teeth when she is thinking. Her eyes are small and pale but her messy fringe almost hides them which is a good thing as they are not pretty.'

That's quite good, he decided. He ruled a line and began again:

'Melanie has floppy yellow hair and a red sore face with fat pongy pimples on it.....' By the end of the lesson he had covered a whole page and a half and felt quite pleased with himself.

*****

Percy's war with the class continued as the weeks went by. He still felt different. He didn't look like the rest. He knew there was no money to pay for sweat shirts and trainers like the other kids, so he didn't ask. Even some of the teachers had started to call him Pauline, especially Smelly the games teacher, though Miss Carbuncle invariably addressed him as Percival. Each day as he arrived at school Percy looked about warily to see what was waiting for him.

On Monday he was late going to change for football. When he pulled his shorts out of his bag they didn't look right – he decided they must have got mixed up with someone else's. They seemed a bit small, but all the rest of the class had already changed and gone outside. There were no other shorts lying about in the cloakroom that might be his, so they would just have to do until he found his own. He could hear Smelly blowing the whistle outside. He was really late! Struggling to put the shorts on, Percy heard muffled giggles, and realised that Richard and Damien were outside the door. Smelly's whistle shrieked again. Wondering what they had done now, Percy tugged frantically at the waistband and ran outside as though he had heard nothing. Just then there was a terrible ripping noise and a gale of laughter came from behind him....the shorts had split all the way down the back.

"Still no fitter but fatter, I see, Pauline," said Smelly, and made him run five times right round the football pitch.

On Tuesday he arrived to find a big coloured picture of the rear of a huge pig grubbing in the mud pinned to the blackboard. Underneath it said "Pauline the Prize Porker hunts for truffles".

On Wednesday Miss Carbuncle sat down on her chair and let out a squeal of anguish. Standing upright again very rapidly, she addressed the class:

"Which of you revoltingly horrible, repulsive, odious, disgusting, ignorant and obnoxious children was responsible for putting drawing pins on my chair?" she enunciated through thinly drawn lips in her most menacing tone.

"It was Pauline, Miss," chorused the class gleefully.

Percy spent his lunchtime writing out "I must refrain from the misuse of school property, untidiness and all behaviour calculated to cause injury or extreme annoyance to others," sixty times in his best handwriting without spelling mistakes.

On Thursday Damien knocked a jug of custard over Percy's beefburger and chips.

On Friday afternoon it was Art with Hairy Mary. Hairy Mary wore a lot of floaty scarves and lumpy strings of necklaces with jangly bits. The scarves were usually shades of orange which clashed with Hairy Mary's bright pink face, especially her nose. She had long grey candyfloss hair. Bits of it tangled in her dangly ear rings and the rest hung untidily around her back like a loosely knitted blanket that has started to become unravelled. Percy thought she was a bit peculiar, but she wasn't as frightening as Miss Carbuncle.

Hairy Mary

They were supposed to be painting a cheerful market scene. Percy's people and his fruit and vegetables seemed to have become quite mixed up. The brown blobs that were supposed to be people's heads had green blobs for cabbages next to them so that it looked as though the market had been invaded by little green men. Percy decided to put some oranges in as well to make it better and reached across for the other paint.

"Percy, what have you done now?" enquired Hairy Mary's voice from across the room as with a crash, the green pot of paint fell over and dripped steadily down the table leg and onto Percy's trousers.

"It just fell, Mrs Mair," answered Percy in a puzzled voice, looking at the mess on the floor.

He didn't understand it. Every time he looked to his left it seemed the paint pot on his right tipped up, and every time he looked right, the one on his left fell over. There was no one close enough to push them over. His socks were quite saturated- one red and one blue with green streaks.

"Well, Percy, your socks are quite an artistic achievement!" remarked Hairy Mary as she reached his desk and looked down. "Those flowing colours! Such life! Such vibrance! - Such a pity they're on your feet," she added thoughtfully. "We really ought to preserve this effort. Take your shoes off."

Getting a large sheet of paper, Hairy Mary made him first walk over it several times and then take his socks off and press them onto the paper round the edge to make patterns. Percy decided she was even more peculiar than most grown-ups, possibly even mad. When he'd finished she sent him to put the socks on the radiator to dry while she hung up the paper. As he padded barefoot back to the desk, past Sarah and Becky, both holding their noses, Percy spotted a length of black cotton hanging over the edge. It was fastened to the bottom of the red paint pot. There was another sellotaped to the underneath of blue pot. Percy studied them silently. It was easy to see now why the paint had spilled, but who had been pulling the cotton? He sighed. It could have been almost anyone in the class! He hoped his mother would manage to wash it out of his trousers. She wasn't very good at washing. Mrs Doggett had always done it before.

Each day Percy debated with himself the best way of getting home. He could get ready as early as possible and run out first to try and avoid the rest of the class. Or he might stay behind as long as the caretaker or Miss Carbuncle would let him so that the others would have all gone home before he emerged. He'd tried both ways before. Neither worked very well. For one thing, he was so often in trouble at school that he was normally kept behind. That meant he couldn't usually use the first plan, and when he did, he sometimes Damien or one of the others would catch him up before he was out of the school gates. Lingering back was easier, especially when he had been kept in, but all too often there was a gang waiting for him once he did come out.

There weren't many different routes he could take home either. Only three really, and they all began the same way which was down Slime Street and across the main road to Dark Hollow Lane. He rarely reached home unscathed. The only good thing about it was that his clothes no longer appeared quite so conspicuous. They had so often been rolled in mud that they were worn and old looking now, and not nearly so noticeable.

Unfortunately, Percy's mother had managed to shrink his trousers in the wash, so that they were now a rather a strange shape with too much foot and leg showing at the end. His jumper had got very tight too, and one of his white shirts had turned pink in patches. The shirt didn't matter because it meant Percy could stop wearing it -even Percy's mother realised that sending him to school in a spotted pink shirt might not be a good idea - and he had successfully managed to lose all his ties. He'd pushed one into the letter box on the way home, thrown one over a wall and the very last one he cut into bits and dropped down a grid in the road.

Poor Percy. He was very miserable. If school was bad, home was boring. There wasn't much to do, not much room to do it in, and no one to do it with. Quite often he helped his mother with the housework. Not that he liked housework. It was just that his mother didn't seem to be very good at it, so Percy thought he'd better help her. He didn't turn out to be very good at it either. Things didn't seem to stay tidy and clean like they used to.

One weekend when Percy's parents were out, he wiped up some tomato ketchup that he'd spilt on the floor. It seemed to spread rather a lot as he wiped. He stood up and stared at it, critically. Instead of being a little red blob, it was now a great big patch of pink. Percy rubbed some more. The pink patch grew even larger. 'I know,' thought Percy, and he fetched the bottle of bleach from under the sink. He put on a good squirt and rubbed it well in. The carpet changed from pink to dirty beige. Percy looked at it. The rest of the carpet was a quite different colour. He'd just have to re-colour it. He went and got his old paint box and some water. After mixing for quite a while, he finally created a shade not much different from the original colour. He dabbed it on carefully. It didn't look right. 'Perhaps it needs to dry,' thought Percy. Colours look different when they're wet. He got his mother's hairdryer and switched it on. It took a long time. When he had finished the carpet looked like a frightened cat's fur in a cartoon – the hairs stood up, stiff and spiky, and they were still the wrong shade. Percy moved a chair over it and hoped his father wouldn't notice.

Then he thought he'd polish the dining table and make it nice and shiny like Mrs Doggett used to do. He thought that might please his mother and cheer her up. He couldn't find any polish at first, but then he remembered that there was some brown shoe polish in the kitchen which was the same colour as the table. He found an old rag and began. It was hard work, but the table began to look quite bright in patches, though it was just a bit smeary if you looked at it from the window side. Percy thought it was a great improvement. He was very proud of himself. The next day his father sat in his usual place in his shirt sleeves reading the newspaper with his elbows on the table. When he'd finished he folded the paper and stood up. As Mr Proudworthy's back disappeared through the door, Percy looked at him. Percy's mother looked at him.Then they both looked at each other. Mrs Proudworthy put one finger up to her mouth. Neither said anything. – Mr Proudworthy's shirt sleeves had 2 round patches of brown, one at the back of each elbow.

Percy decided that was probably why he'd always been told at his last school to take his elbows off the table. Manners had nothing to do with it – it was to stop you getting polish on them.

*****

Percy's mother's cooking was the worst thing. Mr Proudworthy had ordered a special cookery book for her. It was called 'The Win the War Cookbook' and was full of very economical recipes, that people used to eat years ago, like potato pie or spotted dick without currants. Tonight they were having toad in the hole. It had grey lumps slithering in some wet soggy yellow stuff with rubbery bits. Percy wondered if the toad was one of the big fat ones that lived behind the dustbins in Slime Street. It tasted like something that lived behind the dustbins. Only it was difficult to imagine his mother going out to catch toads. Percy wondered how she'd done it. He decided not to ask her just now as his father might get cross if it turned out she hadn't caught them herself. He'd ask her later. It was probably very hard work. Toads could jump quite fast. His mother was probably rather proud of having caught them. It was a pity they tasted so horrible, but it would be better not to tell her that. As he slowly chewed on a gristly bit, Percy visualised his mother in her flowery pink hat pursuing toads round the bins with a butterfly net and a colander. It didn't seem quite right, somehow.

Percy didn't know much about making dinners either. As they were now too poor to buy many nice things to eat, like chocolate biscuits and crisps, he got quite good at cooking baked beans on toast. He could even bake potatoes, but puddings were the thing he craved. Sometimes he dreamed of Mrs Doggett's treacle pudding and custard, or jam tarts oozing with luscious rich red strawberry jam, hot from the oven. It was a disappointment to wake up to lumpy grey porridge.

Percy's mother was unhappy too. She'd got a lot thinner since Mrs Doggett left because of having to do all the cooking and cleaning herself instead of watching television, but bits of her still wobbled when she walked. She couldn't afford to buy cream cakes any longer to cheer herself up, and Mr Proudworthy, Percy's father, was always cross. Not that that was a change – he always had been cross, as long as Percy could remember – but now he was cross in the same room as Mrs Proudworthy because he hadn't got a study any longer. That made it much harder. Percy wondered if they would have room for a garden shed in the yard. He was sure he could find some newspapers from somewhere and then his father could go in there to enjoy himself being angry properly. Only he didn't know what he could do about the phones. Mr Proudworthy had always had at least two telephones to be cross and shout down before. Phones were more difficult to find than old newspapers.

Percy wasn't getting any thinner though. Percy was getting podgier – much podgier. School dinners were about the only thing he looked forward to each day, so he made the most of them. They weren't nearly as good as Mrs Doggett's dinners, but they were better than his mother's cooking, and Percy was very fond of chips. He had chips nearly every day. It wouldn't have been so bad if he'd had plenty of exercise, but that didn't happen. As he had no friends, he didn't go out. He just stayed in his room or helped his mother. At break in school he spent most of his time hiding from Damien and the others, so he didn't get much exercise then either. Old Smelly did his best to make up for this deficiency by making him run round the playground or do press-ups whenever he saw him, so Percy kept out of his way too. As Miss Carbuncle liked to make him stay in and write lines or spellings most days, this wasn't difficult. On the few occasions when he was allowed out, he usually hid in the boiler room as it was rather dark and the entrance was next to the staffroom which meant Damien avoided it, and he could lurk there in peace. He had got quite adept at slipping in unseen when the teachers were having their coffee.

Percy didn't see what he could do about being bullied. It was no use talking to his mother. She would only come down to the school and make a fuss and that would be worse. His father wasn't interested and Miss Carbuncle seemed to think everything that happened to him was his fault anyway. Perhaps it was, thought Percy, though he didn't see why. He simply had to put up with it. It couldn't last for ever, Percy told himself, but, secretly, he was afraid it might.

Christmas was coming. Once upon a time Percy would have been very excited and looked forward to lots of presents. This year he wondered if he would get any at all! It had always been a happy time before, but this year nothing seemed to change as the time got nearer. Everything in the house was as grim and gloomy as ever. No-one had made a Christmas pudding or a cake. There were no decorations. Mr Proudworthy said they were a waste of money and they couldn't afford them. Percy suggested he could make some paper ones and put them up, but his mother looked so depressed at the idea that he didn't say any more. There was no Christmas tree. "Trees belong in forests," declared Mr Proudworthy, pompously, "not in houses". There were no exciting looking parcels hidden in corners and cupboards. Each day as Christmas approached, there was just the everlasting smell of boiled cod and cabbage, cold rooms and brown paintwork and a grey damp mist in the back yard. Percy remembered the bowls of bright oranges, the spicy baking smell, the silver shiny chocolates and the sparkling Christmas tree of life before, and that night, for the first time, he cried himself to sleep.

### Chapter 3- Grumbo

At school the end of term was approaching. At least here there were some decorations and a more cheerful atmosphere. Sadly, the excitement of the rest of the class only made Percy feel more left out than ever. They did a class play. Percy was given the part of the donkey because no-one else wanted it. He didn't mind. It suited how miserable he felt. Still, there was the school Christmas dinner. He might as well try and enjoy that because it was probably the only Christmas dinner he would get, he thought, unhappily.

Despite everything, Percy did enjoy his school Christmas dinner. He managed to make sure that he was on a table as far away from Damien as possible and ate lots of turkey and roast potatoes. Then there was the Christmas pudding, one for each table. Percy eyed it appreciatively. It was a bit pale, but it was fat and round and it was pudding! Percy was very partial to pudding. He had two helpings. Half way through the second portion, Percy's tooth hit on something hard. He stopped chewing and rubbed at it with his tongue. It definitely wasn't pudding. It didn't seem to be anything edible at all. It felt thin and round and metallic. He took it out of his mouth very carefully- there wrapped in silver paper was a five pence piece.

"Hey- Pauline's got the lucky five pence!" cried Natalie who was sitting next to him.

"He would!" remarked Sarah, jealously.

"Trust greedy guts!" added an envious voice. George, a thin ragged, dark haired boy, was watching him carefully, narrow-eyed. Percy quickly closed his hand over the coin. He wasn't going to let the only good thing that had happened to him for ages and ages escape into the hands of George, or anyone else! It was his, even if it was only five pence, and he was keeping it.

Percy kept tight hold of the five pence all through the rest of school. He was debating with himself about how he should spend it. He hadn't had any pocket money for months, not even a penny. This five pence was really special. He could spend it on sweets – his mouth watered at the idea- but there was something more important in his mind. He hadn't bought any presents yet. Well, he couldn't as he hadn't any money, but now he had. OK, it wasn't much. It wasn't much at all, but he might be able to buy one present with it. His mother was really sad. No-one was going to give her any Christmas presents either, but maybe he could. That might cheer her up, even if it was only a very tiny present – a very very tiny present. By bedtime he still hadn't decided what he could possibly get with only 5p that she might like, so he stuck the coin under his pillow and went to sleep thinking about it.

*****

Percy was having a dream, or rather, a nightmare. He was dreaming that Miss Carbuncle had decided to come and live with them and had moved in to live in Percy's wardrobe. At the moment in his dream, Percy was inside the wardrobe, which seemed suddenly to have become very large indeed. He had a huge can of orange paint in front of him, a fat dictionary and a very tiny brush. His arms were aching and he was covered with white and orange splashes.

Painting the Wardrobe

Already he had painted the entire inside of the wardrobe in white at Miss Carbuncle's insistence, and now he was having to decorate it for her. Miss Carbuncle had decreed that on top of the white, all the walls were to be inscribed with adjectives, all of at least eight letters or more, spelt correctly and in alphabetical order! Percy had got as far as "carboniferous" on the first wall and there were three and half more to go and pages and pages of the dictionary. He looked again – he had missed the "o" near the end out. Picking up an old pair of socks that he was using as a rag, he wiped off the "u" and the "s". Somehow the "s" stopped being paint and fell off and bounced onto the floor. It made a surprisingly loud bump for something so small. "Drat!" said a voice, that didn't seem to be quite Percy's nor, yet again, quite Miss Carbuncle's. "Drat!" said the voice again, angrily.

Cautiously, Percy opened first one eye, and then the other eye. At least he wasn't in the wardrobe any more and the paint had vanished. Even better, so had Miss Carbuncle and the dictionary! He breathed sigh of relief. But what had thudded on the floor, and who had said "drat"? Had it all been part of his dream? He rubbed his eyes and sat up, chiefly to check that Miss Carbuncle wasn't actually lurking in some hidden corner. As he did so there was a slithering, rustling sound. It was quite faint. Percy wasn't quite sure if he had imagined it or not. He looked around the room carefully, a little anxious, and still not quite certain what was real and what had been a dream. Everything looked normal, or at least, as normal as things do look in the dark of the night when you can only see them by the street light filtering through the curtains. The furniture loomed black with long shadows and the tumbled bedcovers and Percy's clothes on the back of the chair had new half alive shapes all of their own. Percy shivered a little, even though he knew perfectly well that it was really only his jumper hanging on the chair and his duvet bunched up at the end of the bed. .... But there was something different by the fireplace! There was something on the floor that hadn't been there when he went to bed.

Percy peered hard into the darkness. It looked like an old Wellington boot – a large Wellington boot, tipped over on its side. Percy stared at it and rubbed his eyes. Where had it come from? Whose was it? It wasn't his – it was much too big – and where was the other one? Just then there was a second thump and another boot landed close to the first. This time Percy was watching. It had come from the fireplace!

And there, dangling in the fireplace was a foot! A foot whose big toe was poking through a large hole in its sock. In fact, not just one foot, because a second big toe was just descending. Percy watched, a mixture of alarm, curiosity and excitement invading his mind, first one by one and then all together – it felt most peculiar. He could feel his heart beating in his chest as he watched the feet swivel round and two legs slowly appear and then the rest of the body. A shower of soot and two brussel sprouts followed as the figure stepped out of the fireplace and slowly stood up and shook itself. Turning back to the chimney, it bent and shouted upwards: "OK, Rudolph!". A bulging sack hurtled down and bounced onto the hearth. "There's no need to throw things," said the figure, crossly, reaching to pick it up and holding one hand to the small of its back as it did so. Percy watched agog – he couldn't believe his eyes! The figure turned to him:

"And I don't know what you're doing sitting there! You're supposed to be asleep. How can I do my job if you sit there wide awake?"

"But..," began Percy.

"And another thing, you're supposed to see that the chimney's swept before I come round. Not a brush has that chimney seen in a month of Sundays. How do think I'm supposed to keep my beard clean with all that rubbish up there? Youngsters today! – No respect for their elders, no respect at all!" As he spoke he removed two starling feathers and a couple of twigs, shaking them briefly at Percy before tossing them into the fireplace.

"But...!"

"And you're the fifth house tonight with no mince pie or glass of sherry. There's just no consideration these days! It's a cold night out there you know."

"I..."

"How would you like it?" the figure rounded on him fiercely. "Having to go all over the place in the middle of the night when any other self respecting person is asleep in their bed, delivering presents to ungrateful children who can't even be bothered to go to sleep? Still," added the figure, relenting slightly, "At least you didn't leave brussel sprouts for Rudolph. They give him terrible wind, you know, but he simply can't resist them. Imagine it," he said gloomily, "miles and miles through the snow behind a reindeer with chronic wind."

"But it's the wrong night!" burst out Percy finally.

"What do you mean, it's the wrong night?" demanded the figure?

"It's the wrong night. You are Father Christmas, aren't you? Only he's supposed to come on the night of Christmas Eve isn't he?"

"I'm a Father Christmas, yes. But it is Christmas Eve, isn't it?" he asked anxiously, counting on his fingers as he did so.

"No," replied Percy, "it can't be because we only had school Christmas dinner yesterday, and it's not the end of term until Friday."

"Oh dear!" said Father Christmas. " Are you sure? Then I must be....," he counted some more and continued: "A whole week early!He seemed quite deflated and put out by this discovery. "That explains why there weren't any stockings hanging in the usual places – I had to use three pairs of socks in one house," he added miserably. Percy felt rather sorry for him.

"Have you made many deliveries tonight?" he enquired, politely.

"Only five," responded the Father Christmas, sitting down heavily and sootily on the end of Percy's bed. "-but they'll all have to go back. My name's Grumbo, by the way. The trouble is that it's one thing to climb down a chimney and wait for Rudolph to drop the sack down after you, but it's quite another to climb up a chimney with a full sack. We usually only climb up with empties."

"Oh. I see," said Percy, who was wondering how Grumbo ever managed to climb the chimney at all, even without a sack of presents on his back. He was rather large and the fireplace was quite small.

"Yes," continued Grumbo. "And it's to be done without waking any of them, and paper does rustle so. -And I can't see how I'm to do it all with my lumbago!"

"What's a 'lumbago'? asked Percy, curiously, wondering if it was some kind of lifting device for overweight Father Christmases.

"Backache, boy, backache! You'll know all about it when you get to my age. That and sciatica! Why sometimes these days I can hardly bend to put my wellies on, never mind climb chimneys for ungrateful children." Percy could see that Grumbo was getting cross again, and he did seem to be in pain. He was rubbing the small of his back as he spoke and little clouds of soot drifted gently onto the duvet as the bed rocked under his weight. "There's only one thing for it- you'll have to do it for me," he continued, leaning back so that the bed creaked alarmingly.

"But.." said Percy.

"Oh don't start 'butting' again!" said Grumbo, tetchily. "It's perfectly straightforward. Rudolph will show you where to go. I'll just have a short rest while you get on with it. Wake me up when you get back." - and with this last remark Grumbo stretched out on Percy's bed, pulled the duvet up comfortably around himself, and closed his eyes.

*****

Percy looked at the mass of Grumbo lying there, and then looked at the chimney. A gentle rumbling snore came from the bed, followed by another. Percy hoped his parents couldn't hear. There seemed nothing for it but to climb the chimney. He picked up Grumbo's discarded sack and put his arm through the loop of rope that closed the top so that his hand would be free. Then, in some trepidation, he approached the chimney. It looked very dirty. He ducked his head down under the edge and looked up. Far above starlight was twinkling at him from above the chimney pot. He could hear an odd snuffling sound echoing down from the top. Plucking up his courage, he reached both arms high into the blackness and pushed his hands hard against the rough sides of the chimney to support himself. Then he pressed his feet and knees against the sides and moved his arms up again. Then feet...then arms...then feet...then arms...- and in quite a short time he could feel the edge of the chimney pot. He gave one last heave, dragging the sack after himself, and there he was, sitting right on top of the chimney in the crisp frosty darkness under the night stars.

### Chapter 4- Rescuing the Presents

"You took your time," said a strange sounding grumpy voice, and a reindeer who had been idly grazing on the moss growing on the tiles and gutter, turned to look at him. "Oh, he's sent you to do the work for him, has he," it remarked. "Ah well, first time you've climbed a chimney I suppose. Lazy idler's gone to sleep, I guess?" As if to confirm this, as he spoke, a particularly loud snore reverberated upwards and out of the chimney pot, rather as though someone down below was practising the tuba very badly. Percy jumped at the noise and would have fallen and slid on the roof tiles, but for a steadying hoof put out by the reindeer. "I'm Rudolf," it added. "I expect he told you."

"Er, yes," said Percy, who had never held a conversation with a reindeer before. "I'm Percy," he added, politely.

"Wrong bag, was it?" enquired the reindeer, indicating the fat lumpy sack still attached to Percy's arm. "He's hopeless with the labels these days. His writing's so untidy he can't even read it himself."

"Oh, no," responded Percy. "It's just that it's the wrong day, you see. It won't be Christmas for another week. I've got to go and get the presents back for him before everyone wakes up."

"Ah," said Rudolph. "I told him! I told him he'd read the date wrong, and he wouldn't believe me. The cuckoo clock got iced-up with the weather you see, and what with that and the stables brussel sprout eating competition making me light headed I couldn't be sure if I was mixed up or he was. I might have known! " He chewed thoughtfully on a particularly succulent patch of moss growing where the guttering pipes had blocked with leaves and overflowed, and then said: "Well, we'd better get on then. If it's the wrong night the windways will be clear and so we can go as fast as I like without any speed checks. Hop in. -I won the speed sleigh of the year last December, you know," he added, conversationally, as Percy climbed carefully over the loaded sacks onto the sledge. There was a sudden whoosh and Percy fell backwards against the seat as icy air rushed against him and the sleigh turned to almost vertical.

Percy clutched at the nearest solid object, which turned out to be a bag containing Grumbo's spare pair of outsize Wellington boots. "Do you fancy looping the loop?" called out Rudolph from somewhere far above.

"Erraghhh,,," was as far as Percy got before he found himself spun upside down pinned against the sleigh cushions by centrifugal force and gazing vertically down at the black holes of the chimney pots.

"Number 32 coming up," shouted Rudolph, cheerfully, turning his head as they shot round to upright again and a particularly large snowflake melted inside Percy's ear."Not sleigh sick, are you?"

"No, no. Not at all!" lied Percy, valiantly, still clenching the bag of Wellingtons and wondering where he had left his stomach and if it would ever return.

"That's good," said Rudolph, skidding to a halt on the top of a steep roof between two tall narrow cream coloured chimneys each iced neatly with snow. "Thirty two's the one on your right. There should be 2 bags – twin girls – same room."

"OK," said Percy, getting gingerly out of the sleigh onto the tiles. His legs felt distinctly wobbly and the ground was a frightening distance away. He shivered and held tightly to the top of the pot, wondering exactly how one set about climbing down a chimney. What if he fell all the way down? Would it make a noise? What if he broke a leg or something? He wouldn't be able to climb back up with a broken leg. How would he explain what he was doing climbing down a strange chimney in the middle of the night when he was found? They might send him to jail for housebreaking!

"Oh get on with it," said Rudolph, but his voice wasn't unkind. "You'll find it's easy when you start. Just keep your knees pressed into the sides and you won't fall." he added, helpfully.

Percy sat on the edge of the chimney pot and lowered his legs cautiously into the blackness below. Then he grasped the edge of the pot firmly with both arms and let his body drop until he was hanging from the top.

"Knees! Don't forget your knees!" came Rudolph's voice from above.

Percy tried to obey, but the chimney was wide and he wasn't built like Grumbo. There seemed to be an alarming amount of black sooty space surrounding him. He lifted his feet and pushed them against the sides so that he was in a sitting position with his legs partly extended. Then he tentatively released one arm from the snowbound pot rim and lowered it. Pushing his open hand against the inside of the chimney for support, he wedged his back hard into the other side. Then he nervously released the other hand and did the same. Then he carefully let go with one leg and shuffled it downwards slightly and pushed again. Then he did the same with the second leg. Slowly he moved down the chimney. It was really just the same as climbing up, only the other way around, but he definitely preferred narrower chimneys, he decided. His own had a lot less space for falling.

There was a faint glow of light from the fireplace at the bottom. Percy hoped no-one was awake. What on earth could he say if they were? Would he end up in the right room? What if it were the parents' room- they might be sitting up late watching a DVD or something! He'd just have to pretend he was sweeping the chimney, only he didn't think boys did still sweep chimneys except in books, and they wouldn't be doing it in the middle of the night, would they? Perhaps he could say he'd fallen out of an aeroplane....that was it, he'd say he'd fallen out of an aeroplane on his way to see his Aunt Ethel in Ethiopia for Christmas! But he'd still got his pyjamas on....people on planes didn't wear pyjamas, did they? -He'd tell them his mother was trying to economise on the packing and as they were flying in the dark it made sense to wear night clothes. No, he'd tell them it was a traditional costume that everyone wore in Ethiopia. He hoped the M&S label wasn't showing at the back..... Percy's mind darted about wildly thinking of explanations. His heart was in his mouth as he finally felt his foot touch the grate at the bottom. Would there be anyone there? He must be as quiet as possible! He could hear his chest beating much too loudly. He held his breath as he ducked under the edge of the chimney breast and stepped out of the fireplace.

*****

The glow came from a small nightlight with a glass shade studded with tiny gold stars placed between two beds. In the dimness, Percy could just make out two small curled humps, one under each duvet. From the gloom at the end of each coverlet, he could discern two pairs of tights bulging with packages. A soft sighing noise rose and fell from the left hand bed and a quiet snuffling from the other. Percy was still holding his breath. He let it go as gently as possible and tiptoed forward. Then he realised! He had forgotten to bring the empty sack. How was he to carry the presents back up? He turned and started back to the grate and ducked his head under. "Rudolph!" he whispered. There was no reply. "Rudolph!" he called again, hardly daring to raise his voice. No response came. Just then he heard someone speaking from the stairs. Percy froze! The door was a little ajar. He could hear footsteps getting nearer!

"I must just check on the twins, Peter," said a woman's voice, and the door swung open. The light from the landing flooded into the room, illuminating the Disney designs on the bedspreads, a battered toy rabbit on one pillow and dark curly hair on the other.

Percy stood petrified into stillness in the shadow from the back of the door, as close to the wall as he could, praying that she would not look round.

The woman tiptoed round between the beds. "Goodnight, Hatty. Goodnight, Emily." - She bent to bestow a light kiss on each sleeping figure in turn, and then, standing upright again, glanced in puzzlement at the foot of the beds.

"Come along, Caroline. They'll be perfectly alright," called a male voice. The woman tiptoed out.

"They must have been playing at Father Christmas," Percy heard her say as the door swung to. They've stuffed my old tights full of toys and put them on the end of their beds, would you believe!"As her voice faded away and door shut down below, Percy decided it was time for action. Grabbing the first pair of tights and their contents, he quickly pushed down the parcels and tied a knot in the top. Then he did the same with the second one. Holding both upside down he knotted the toes together to make two huge loops and hung them over his head like giant lumpy necklaces. Then he dropped into the fireplace and began to climb upwards towards the night sky as fast as ever he could.

"You forgot the sack!" said Rudolph, as he emerged.

"I know!" responded Percy, breathing heavily as he lifted the parcel laden tights from round his neck. "I called but you didn't hear."

"Sorry!" said Rudolph cheerfully. "- I was just practising a few loops and a figure of eight round the trees over there. It's quite an art, you know, to do it without spilling anything, and I don't often have the chance without Grumbo on board. What are you going to do with the tights?"

"This!" answered Percy, untying the knots and emptying the parcels into the sleigh. Then, standing at the edge of the chimney pot, he rolled the tights into small ball and aiming carefully for the centre, he hurled them towards the grate below where they landed with a soft 'phht' in a pile of soot. "Right, next one!" he said decisively, wiping the black from his hands onto his pyjamas and jumping into the sleigh.

"Right you are!" said Rudolph, and the sledge shot off over the top of the nearest pine tree. "We'll take the scenic route," he shouted, calling back over his shoulder as they slid downwards at tremendous speed towards the edge of an empty quarry, Percy closed his eyes and prayed they wouldn't end up in the icy pool at the bottom which seemed to be approaching them at a terrifying pace. Just then there was a splash, and Percy's eyes jerked open just in time to see a large thin parcel skimming and bouncing over the water before finally sinking. "Sorry about that," called Rudolph. "I made the turn a bit too sharply. I don't think it was for anyone important though. Damien someone or other – he's not very satisfactory. – Not worth telling Grumbo we lost it," he added blithely, swooping up and over the far edge of the quarry towards the housing estate.

"Er, no," agreed Percy, faintly. Then he thought a little: "Not Damien from Shigglehampton Road, was it?"

"That's right," said Rudolph. "Not a friend of yours, is he?" he enquired anxiously.

"No way!" exclaimed Percy.

"Aah!" said Rudolph, slowing a little. "In that case, as Grumbo's not here, I'll tell you a story. You know I said Grumbo had dreadful handwriting? - Well, last year he kept getting the labels muddled up because he couldn't read them. Your friend Damien got the stocking intended for a little girl called Danielle and she got his. Now Danielle didn't mind because she was only six months old and too young to understand, though I expect her parents were a bit confused when they found an electronic game and a football by her bed. It was too late to do anything about it by then, though."

"So what did Damien get?" asked Percy, eagerly.

"He got a ball too – a pink fluffy one with pale blue spots that said 'mama' when you rolled it, and a baby's rattle with little yellow and pink plastic bells on it. There was a white woolly hat with pom poms on and a letter 'D' in the middle too. Steady on!" he added. -Percy was shaking with laughter so much the parcels were beginning to slide about. He was visualising Damien dressed in a white woolly hat with pom poms, waving a rattle!

"Oh I wish I'd been there when he opened them!" he gurgled. "I can just imagine his face!"

"I'd rather not," observed Rudolph. "He looks rather sly at the best of times. Right, here we are!" he remarked, bringing the sledge to a smooth halt just above Rowanberry Crescent. "4, 6, 8 and then number 9 on the other side," he waved his hoof. "You'll have to do the window at 9 because they took the chimney out last year, but they're all straightforward. Don't forget the sacks this time!"

"I won't!" said Percy with feeling.

*****

Climbing down the chimney to number 4 seemed really easy after the last one. It was quite narrow, rather like Percy's own chimney, though cleaner as the house wasn't so old and so the soot wasn't so thick. This time it was quite dark as he reached the bottom. He stood for a while, wondering how he was going to be able to check whether he was in the right room and if he would be able to find the stocking. Fortunately, his eyes began to get accustomed to the gloom and soon he could just make out dark shapes around the room and a single bed in the centre. He stood very still, trying to work out where the stocking was so that he could reach it as easily as possible without disturbing whoever was sleeping in the bed. Yes, that must be it, he guessed, staring into the blackness at a lumpy shape dangling over the far edge of the bed. Carefully he began to move towards it, holding his hands out on either side of him to feel for obstacles as he went and moving his feet slowly in case he should trip on anything. He reached the bed and put out a hand, fumbling with the stocking to retrieve the first packet. "Pretty Polly, pretty Polly! Shut that door! Pretty Polly!" said a voice - Percy nearly jumped out of his skin! Where was it coming from? There was a swooshing noise as a shape flew past his left ear, and then he felt something sharp digging into his scalp. Percy bit back a squeal of anguish and put his hand up to his head. Just as he recognised the feel of warm feathers, there was a sharp peck on his finger. "Seeds for tea, seeds for tea!" said the voice, and feathers gently brushed the side of his ear.Hastily, Percy grabbed the stocking and upended it into the empty sack. "Tidy up, seeds for tea," adjured the parrot, as the packages rustled and slithered their way into the bag.

"Shut up, can't you!" muttered Percy through clenched teeth, throwing the empty stocking onto the floor. "And leave my head alone!" The parrot gave a friendly peck at Percy's ear and flew across the bed to settle on the headboard.

"Tidy up! Pretty Polly!" it announced.

The Parrot

As Percy hastily aimed for the chimney with his sack, he heard a male voice from an adjoining room say:

"He's got that dratted parrot in there again. You'll have to do something."

Percy didn't wait. He was up the chimney in a jiffy.

"You could have warned me about the parrot!" he said to Rudolph.

"Yes, Grumbo complained about her, too. Apparently she chased him round the room, did a whoopsie on his beard, and then told him to tidy up," replied Rudolph, cheerfully. Percy glared at him. Then he began to giggle.

"On his beard? Parrot poo! On his long white beard?" Percy was doubled up with laughter at the thought of Grumbo being pursued around the room by a mad parrot with diarrhoea.

"Twice," said Rudolph, laconically. "We're running out of time. You'd better get the next one done quickly. Boy's called James, keeps gerbils but no parrots."

"OK," said Percy, grabbing the next sack and sliding himself nonchalantly over the rim of the chimney pot.

Number 6 had the same sort of chimney as number 4. Percy slid straight down, braking lightly with his feet against the sides to avoid any loud thump as he reached the grate. There was a small amount of light filtering through under the bedroom door, but this time it was firmly shut and there was no sound from anywhere except a series of deep reverberating snores each followed by a tiny thin whistling noise.Percy advanced on tiptoe towards the bed, fairly confident this time that he would be unlikely to wake so deep a sleeper. What he hadn't bargained for were the things on the floor. It was rather as if an entire Lego city had been blown up and scattered to the four corners of the room. Every step he took he stood on something, and the light was too dim for him to avoid every brick. He winced as the corner of a particularly angular piece thrust into his instep. He stopped, and standing on one leg, moved the other foot forward and gently swept the floor with his toes to clear a space. Then he put the right foot down and did the same with the left. That was better!

Gradually he cleared a path, when all of a sudden his exploring toe encountered something large and smooth with what felt like a round lump on the top. He pushed at it, tentatively. The minute Percy's foot touched the button there was a whirring sound, a small red light came on. A metallic voice announced: "I am the Atomic Powered Robot programmed for total destruction. Countdown to blast off commencing now! Ten...nine....eight..." Percy froze! The whistling snores ceased and a grunt came from beneath the bedclothes. "..Seven...six...," – Percy was thinking quickly. He crouched low down by the foot of the bed, sliding the packed stocking off the end as he did so, hoping he would be out of sight. "..Five....four....," the springs creaked and the duvet slid off partly covering him and the robot as James crawled sleepily out.

"Mum'll kill me!" he muttered to himself. The gerbils must have knocked him over. Where is it?" Percy could hear him fumbling in the darkness. 'Don't switch the light on! Oh don't switch the light on, please!' he prayed silently. Quickly he tweaked the duvet off the robot and pushed it slightly away from him so that the red light could be seen.

"...Three....two...."

"Got you!" said James's voice, triumphantly, plucking the whirring rotating robot from the floor and just missing the corner of Percy's left pyjama leg as he did so. There was a click and the noises stopped. "I'll take your batteries out this time," James addressed the robot severely. There was a dull thud as they landed on the mattress. James slid back into the warmth and hauled the duvet around himself, lying down. The batteries slipped off and rolled as he did so, hitting Percy's ear, which was now concealed with the rest of him under James's bed. He let out an involuntary squeak of pain.

"Knew it was the gerbils!" said James to himself. Percy lay silent, wondering how he was to get out of this mess. There was a Lego truck wedged under his shoulder and somehow the head off a Lego man seemed to have inserted itself in his belly button. It was very uncomfortable. He stayed as still as he could, trying not to breathe too loudly and thinking carefully. James was bound to see him if he stood up. If he tried to move the parcels into the sack he might hear him. But it might be ages before James fell asleep again and he couldn't stay there all night! He felt the mattress bounce as James rolled over restlessly above him

Just then the phone rang from downstairs. James groaned and sat up. "I'll never get to sleep this way," he asserted to himself. "I'm far too hungry – and thirsty," he added. He padded out of bed and headed for the stairs. Percy didn't waste a moment! By the time James had re-appeared with a glass of milk, a large cheese and ham sandwich, an apple and three bananas, he was already at the top of the chimney clutching the sack of presents in his hand.

There was only one problem.

Rudolph was no-where to be seen!

### Chapter 5- Fire!

Percy took stock. – He was standing in the dark, on the top of a chimney stack in the middle of the night, with someone else's Christmas presents in his hand, wearing only a pair of rather worn pyjamas covered in soot. He'd been turned upside down in a sleigh by a manic reindeer, pecked by a mad parrot, jabbed all over by spiky bits of Lego, bashed on the ear by a runaway battery and scared almost to death.

Alone on the Roof

Furthermore, it was snowing and he had no idea how to get home. It wasn't looking good.

At that moment a tickling sensation made him look down at his chest. Two small bright eyes looked back at him. "Cheer up," said the gerbil. "It's not that bad. He'll be back soon."

"How do you know?" asked Percy looking down at the small creature perched on the top button of his pyjama jacket.

"He just needs to take his Reinitin, that's all," explained the gerbil. "He's got R.A.D.D. –that's Reindeer Attention Deficit Disorder. It means he can't stay still or pay attention for long. It's quite common, but it's very useful when they need to stay awake on Christmas Eve. There'll be some on the sledge. Just put one in a handful of moss for him. –Oh, and I'd check the presents are all there when he gets back. He tends to lose a few when he gets into the fast lane of the windway, especially if he decides to go upside down."

"Er, yes – I found that out," said Percy.

"I'd better get back," said the gerbil. "The name's Wilberforce by the way. Thanks for the lift to the top. It's good to get out now and then. Mustn't let one's self get in a rut. Besides, I don't want to miss a nibble of James's apple core." With this he ran down Percy's leg, over the rim of the chimney pot and vanished from sight. Percy shook his head. It had to be a dream! He peered into the chimney. He thought he could detect a slight movement in the grate, or was it his imagination? He blinked, and a small whitish lump rolled into in one corner -he thought he could just make out the shape of the gerbil pushing it along. Wilberforce had got his piece of apple! Percy shivered. The cold and the thought of the apple was making him hungry.

"Hey Percy, watch this!"Percy looked up, startled. A few yards away Rudolph was pulling the sleigh round and round, over and back in all sorts of shapes and patterns so fast that he was leaving a trail in the snowflakes. Against the night sky the swirling flakes spelled out 'Nearly Christmas!' for a brief moment before falling to earth.

"Get it?" said Rudolph slowing down and joining him on the roof. Percy wanted to say 'where on earth have you been? I'm cold', but he remembered the R.A.D.D. and saw how Rudolph's nose had lit up with pleasure at showing off his party piece, so he bit back the words.

"That's.." he began, trying hard to smile, though his teeth were chattering.

"Fantastic? - Yes I know!" declared Rudolph, glowing. "Come on – hop in. Number 8's easy – they've gone away for a day or two so it's all empty. You'll be up and down in less time than it takes Grumbo to eat a mince pie."

"Oh good," responded Percy, who was feeling less than enthusiastic about venturing down any more chimneys. He wondered if he could find the Reinitin.

*****

From the chimney of number 8 a thin stream of smoke filtered across the sky. Rudolph stopped and sniffed the air. "That's odd," he commented. "I was sure they were all away."

"They wouldn't have lit a fire if they were away from home," said Percy, anxiously thinking that he preferred being cold to being burnt to death.

"They are away," insisted Rudolph. "The car's not there. They always park it in the drive. I know they were going to Scotland. There's something wrong!" He parked the sleigh just above the top of the house: "Just put your fingers out and see if you can feel the tiles," he requested. Percy did as he was told.

"Yeeowhhh!" Percy pulled his hand away sharply. "The roof's red hot!"

"It's on fire!" the reindeer said decisively. "The house is on fire! Come on!" He swung the sleigh right round and over the road to the top of number 9 opposite. "Go on - no chimney- climb down to the window. The one on the right. That's Jodie's room. She had a mobile in her stocking last year and she always sleeps with it by her bed. You can call the fire brigade"

Percy scrambled out and made for the edge of the roof.

"Wait," called Rudolph. "Fasten the reins round your waist first! You'll have to abseil. It's too far down to reach"

Percy grabbed the reins and hastily tied them around himself. Then with his heart in his mouth, he lowered himself to dangle from the edge of the roof. Holding tightly to the rope, he took a deep breath, let go of the tiles and lifted his toes towards the wall. He couldn't look down! He gripped the reins till his knuckles were as white as the snowflakes settling on them and his finger nails had dug deep curves into his palms. Slowly he moved his feet downwards, paying out the reins as he did so. It seemed to take ages, but finally his foot located a ledge. He pulled himself upright. The window was in front of him. He breathed a sigh of relief. It was a tiny bit ajar.

"Move to the right and pull the left side open!" came Rudolph's voice, tense with concern.

"Calm down," called back Percy, brave now that he had something firm underfoot. He opened the window and jumped through into the room. Unfortunately, he had forgotten that the reins were still attached to his waist. As his feet jumped forwards, the rope jerked up under his arms and pulled his body backwards. Percy crashed loudly onto his bottom, his head thrown back with a clang against the metal radiator.

"I thought burglars were supposed to be quiet!" The comment came from a figure sitting up in bed a few yards to his left. "You're the second one tonight. The last one stole my socks," she observed.

"Uugh?" said Percy, his head still spinning and all the breath knocked out of him.

"You don't look much like a burglar," she added.

"Phone!" gasped Percy, groping for words and wishing he wasn't still seeing stars. "999. House on fire!"

"Oh, that won't do. I'm sure I'd have noticed if our house was on fire," remarked Jodie. "Do you steal socks too?" she enquired conversationally.

"No. No. Not your house!"

"You only steal them at other people's houses?" asked Jodie.

"No! I don't steal!" Percy was becoming frantic. "Phone! I need to phone!"

"You steal phones? Well that seems more reasonable than socks. I can't imagine what you do with second hand socks. Especially three of them. I don't think you can have my phone though. It was a Christmas present last year and I'm not expecting another."

"No!" shrieked a frustrated Percy. "Please! Dial 999. The house across the road is on fire!"

"Is it! How exciting! I don't think I've ever had such an exciting dream before. I must look!" And with that, she slipped out of bed and came over to the window. "It doesn't look like a fire to me," she remarked with disappointment. "There's no flames and the only smoke is the chimney. I was expecting something a bit more spectacular than that!"

"They're on fire. Really. The roof's red hot and there's no-one in," said Percy, getting his breath and his words back at the same time. "You have to phone – please!" Jodie still hesitated.

Inspiration struck Percy: "They might have a dog or a cat in there," he said. "They might get burned to death!" he added with maximum melodrama in his voice.

"Puddles!" said Jodie suddenly. "Puddles lives there. He's Mandy's kitten." She picked up her mobile and dialled. Percy slumped back against the radiator with relief. It was short lived. "Number eight's on fire," she explained into the phone. "We can see lots of smoke. Please can you come very very quickly. No, I'm not inside, but Puddles is. No, I don't know who else is inside because Mr and Mrs McHeatherpot have gone to Aberdeen, but Kylie and Wayne are probably in there. I expect it will all explode soon so you'd better hurry. Goodbye."

"We can't leave Puddles to burn," Jodie announced firmly, putting her mobile down. "You'll have to rescue him. The fire brigade will take far too long to get here from Sprawlton."

"Who are Kylie and Wayne?" asked Percy.

"Mandy's goldfish. Actually, we think Puddles ate them last week because we couldn't find them but they may have swum down the plughole. You see we thought we'd put them in the bath for a bit so that they could have a really long swim, but they were hard to see after Mandy put the bubble bath in as well. Mandy said if we dropped the soap in it would get rid of all the bubbles and then they'd be super clean which would be very healthy, only it took a while so we went out to play on the bikes. Then Julie's mum was baking mince pies so we stopped over hers to help eat them. It was a bit late when we got back and someone had emptied the bath and we couldn't find them anywhere but Puddles was sick in the corner and it smelt a bit fishy."

"Oh," said Percy, wondering what the firemen would say when they discovered they were rescuing two probably dead goldfish and a kitten.

"Well go on then! Are you going to let Puddles die while you sit there?" demanded Jodie.

"I, er...no...well I don't see what I can do!" said Percy, wondering how you were supposed to set about finding a lost kitten in a blazing house when you were wearing only pyjamas. "I could call it, I suppose," he offered lamely.

"Well anyone could call it!" Jodie rounded on him contemptuously. "Anyone could do that! You come in through windows at the dead of night but you can't even rescue a little kitten who might die! – You could at least try!"

"Well, er, what colour is he? Where does he sleep?" asked Percy, searching around for something helpful in the face of this tirade.

"He's black," declared Jodie. Why had he bothered asking, wondered Percy. Just his luck – a black cat in a house full of thick black smoke - he might have known!"-With a sweet little white patch just above his nose and one white paw," she continued. "And he sleeps in Mandy's bed though he's not supposed to. He's supposed to sleep in a box in their utility room. But he might have escaped through the cat flap," she added, thoughtfully. "Though he might have been overcome by the smoke and be lying there, unable to breathe, completely helpless!" She extracted as much drama as possible from this last remark. Percy, who had brightened at the idea that the kitten might be free after all, sank back into gloom. There seemed no hope for him. He would just have to go out and find the wretched creature!

*****

"You'd better have my Wellingtons," Jodie decided looking at his feet, which were by now an interesting combination of black dirt and bluish skin with red patches, the nails neatly edged with soot. "I'll let you out through the front door."

"What about your parents? Won't they be awake?"

"It's only my Mum," Jodie reassured him cheerfully, extracting a varied collection of shoes from her wardrobe and hurling them across the room in her hunt for suitable footwear. "She takes sleeping tablets because I'm so noisy and don't sleep." Percy silently sympathised with Jodie's mum.

The boots were a bit tight, but he squashed them on and meekly followed Jodie down the stairs.

Across the road, they walked up Mandy's garden path and Jodie led the way around to the back door where there was a square cat flap near the bottom with a see-through plastic window. "That's the utility room, " explained Jodie. Percy knelt down and peered through. There was a very unpleasant acrid burnt smell, but he couldn't see anything at all through the flap. Everything was dark.

"At least there aren't any flames," he said, moving back so that Jodie could look too. "Perhaps it's burnt itself out," he added hopefully. Jodie was pushing the cat flap open:

"Puddles! Puddles!" she called. "Come on Puddles! Nice dinner!"

"You're letting air in when you do that," observed Percy, who was keen on science. "You'll make the fire burn faster." He moved to the window and pressed his face against the glass. Even though the curtains weren't closed, it was almost impossible to see anything across the room. It just looked dark, but every now and then there seemed to be a blurry flicker of light. The fire must be still burning in another room, realised Percy. The flames were hidden by the smoke but he was still seeing their glow in the distance.There was no way that he or Jodie could possibly go inside – they would burn to death. No, the only thing was to somehow put out the fire. Percy thought fast:

"How do they water the garden?" he asked. "Do they use a hosepipe? Is there a shed or a garage?" As he spoke he was looking around hastily. "We need to find a hosepipe quickly!"

"There's a tap on the wall under the kitchen window," answered Jodie. She looked round vaguely. There's a hose somewhere – I don't know where they keep it."

"Have you got one at your house? – Can you get it quickly?"Jodie looked at him and then ran. Percy looked up at the sky and prayed that Rudolph was not off somewhere practising speed turns or snacking on moss again: "Rudolph!" he called. "Rudolph! Come down here! We need your help!" Jodie was now struggling back towards number 8 dragging a huge reel of hose behind her. As she reached the path Rudolph brought the sleigh to a smooth landing on the lawn in front of her. Jodie came to an abrupt halt, her eyes popping out at the sight. Percy didn't waste time. He ran and grabbed the end of the hose and pulled it up to the wall. "Unwind the rest!" he shouted over his shoulder to Jodie as he tried to force the end over the outside tap. It was difficult. His fingers were cold and so was the hosepipe which felt very stiff. He pushed and pushed, banging his frozen fingers against the icy tap, but he still couldn't get it to fit on. Jodie watched:

"I know!" she said suddenly, and darted back across the road. In a moment she was back with a mug of something steaming hot.

"We haven't got time for coffee!" said Percy irritably, still pushing with blue bruised hands.

"Not coffee," said Jodie. "Just hot water out of our tap. Stick the end of the pipe in to soften it, and then try." Percy looked at her and then grabbed the mug and held the hose in the water. After a second he pulled it out and tried again. It went straight on!

"Thanks!" said Percy. "Rudolph, can you take the other end up to the roof and drop it down the chimney?" Without a word, Rudolph picked up the pipe using his mouth and soared back into the air. Would it be long enough to reach, wondered Percy anxiously? Seconds later Rudolph poked his head over the edge of the roof and called down to them:

"Ready for lift off!"

Percy turned on the tap as far as it would go. They could hear the water gushing and bubbling its way upwards along the pipe. Percy crossed his fingers.

Percy and Jodie stood back on the lawn, looking up at the roof. Was the smoke coming out of the chimney getting less or not? It was difficult to tell. Rudolph landed quietly in the drift of snow beside them:

"Want a ride?" he asked Jodie.

"Oooh yes!" she exclaimed, and began to climb in amongst the clutter of parcels which were now loose all over the sleigh floor.

"Don't sit on the cat," he warned.

"Puddles!" exclaimed Jodie, scooping him into her arms and stroking him lovingly.

Percy climbed in on the other side and eyed the kitten warily. All that fuss and now the kitten wasn't even in the house! He looked down at his bruised hands ruefully.

"Look!" shouted Jodie, joyfully "We put it out! We put it out! There's no smoke any longer!"

They turned, and sure enough, the last wisp of smoke was gently curling away though the snow. A fire engine siren sounded in the distance as Rudolph took off. They circled high up round the line of houses and then with a final gentle glide, Rudolph halted by Jodie's front gate:

"Bedtime," he said.

Jodie hopped out and turned to them: "You've been the most wonderful dream ever!" she said, and then, as if in a daze, she walked back inside, still carrying the kitten, and shut the door.

As they took off again, Percy turned to Rudolph in puzzlement: "You were quite calm, you didn't speed and you didn't even loop the loop once?

"You noticed?" said Rudolph apologetically. " - I forgot to take my Reinitin earlier. I'm always a bit excitable if I forget to take it on time."

"But what about the presents – Jodie's presents and the ones in number 8? I never got them back!" asked Percy anxiously.

"It doesn't matter about the ones at number 8 because the McHeatherpots aren't due back until the New Year so they won't know they were delivered on the wrong day. As for Jodie's, she'll be fast asleep shortly so you can pop back and get them when the fire engine's left. She'll think it was all a dream in the morning."

"How do you know – about the McHeatherpots, I mean? enquired Percy curiously.

"Puddles told me, of course," replied Rudolph. "No need for the abseiling bit when we go back to Jodie's by the way. I'll park outside the window. Sorry about earlier," he added apologetically. "I only did it to tease."

Percy looked at him in stunned silence. "To tease!" he said faintly. Rudolph looked back at him:

"Yes," he said. "I think I got rather carried away. You were doing so well. I just wanted to make it a bit more exciting for you."

Percy was quiet for a bit, wondering how much excitement he could take in one night. Then: "Where did you find Puddles?" he asked.

"Oh cats are generally nocturnal when they're on their own. He was just prowling around practising looking for mice. Hadn't caught any, of course. I found him pretending to catch some dead leaves at the bottom of number 10's garden. He was quite glad to hop aboard – not very keen on the snow making his fur wet."

Rudolph was quite right. When Percy climbed back in through Jodie's window she was curled up in bed with Puddles next to her and both were sound asleep. Quietly he slipped off the borrowed wellies and put them carefully away. Then he emptied the 3 socks that Grumbo had filled which were now lying on the floor. Puddles twitched one ear in farewell as Percy stood on the window sill, but Jodie stayed quite still, her eyes fast shut.

"Mission accomplished?" asked Rudolph, yawning, as Percy landed triumphantly in the sleigh, sack in hand. "You haven't got a brussel sprout or a carrot about you, have you? I feel quite peckish."

"Sorry," said Percy who felt extraordinarily tired all of a sudden. He lay back on the cushions and closed his eyes.

"Youngsters!" sniffed Rudolph, peering round at him. "Can't take the pace!"

### Chapter 6 - Sleigh Rides and Slippers

Back at the Proudworthy's chimney, Rudolph snorted loudly in an endeavour to wake Percy who had finally nodded off in exhaustion and was lying sprawled across the seat. There was no response. Rudolph glanced back at him and decided there was only one thing for it. "I'll wake you up!" he muttered:"Hold tight," he called loudly and proceeded to perform a neat figure of eight vertically above the roof at enormous speed. Percy, who had been comfortably dreaming of Mrs Doggett's Christmas pudding with extra custard, opened his eyes abruptly to find himself upside down and whirling through the air.

He was about to hit the chimney stack! No he wasn't; they were just going to miss it! He seized the edge of the sleigh frantically and shouted "stop!" as two parcels bounced their way off the sledge and slid down the tiles and into the gutter.

"Thought that would wake you," remarked the reindeer, slowing down just slightly as he completed the manoeuvre and then swung round to circle the roof. Clearly the effect of the Reinitin was wearing off, thought Percy!

Upside Down!

"We're back," announced Rudolph, unnecessarily. Percy could see the small yard and the edge of his own bedroom window as he leaned out. He stretched, yawned and wondered if Grumbo had woken up yet. It would be nice to be back in his own bed but what about the soot on the sheets?

"Thanks, Rudolph," he said politely.

"Good moss, this," remarked the reindeer, nibbling at the tiles. "Tell Grumbo not to hurry – I may as well have breakfast." Percy slid down the chimney with practised ease. Grumbo was still in his bed, eyes closed, his huge stomach rising and falling rhythmically and his beard dangling over the edge. Percy could see the mark left by the mad parrot, bang in the hairy centre. He hoped none of the parrot poo had got on his duvet, though it looked nearly dry now. One foot was sticking out from the sheets and a hairy big toe still protruded from the holey sock. Percy began to giggle. Gathering a handful of wet snow which had caught on his pyjama jacket, he stole forward and let it gently drip onto Grumbo's foot, the icy water trickling slowly over the exposed toe.

"Yeeowwh!" squealed Grumbo, sitting up abruptly. "What's happening? Why am I in a pond?" He peered about him in confusion.

"Percy!" -his father's voice came grimly through the bedroom wall. "Percy, if you must have nightmares please have them quietly! I am trying to sleep."

Percy put his finger to his lips and signalled frantically to Grumbo to be quiet.

"Erh? Oh it's you," said Grumbo. "What does that silly old fool next door want?"

"Please be quiet!" Percy said anxiously. "He might come in!"

"We'd better go then before he does," said Grumbo, who suddenly seemed to be wide awake. He pulled on his Wellingtons and looked at Percy: "What are you waiting for? Come on!"

"But – I live here!" pointed out Percy.

"That's got nothing to do with it," stated Grumbo, irritably. "You got the presents back, didn't you?"

"Yes," said Percy, "but..."

"There you go again – but, but, but! Load of rubbish! Come on. I want my breakfast. You're hungry aren't you?"

By this time Percy felt he was absolutely starving, and anyway, the prospect of remaining behind to face his father's wrath was not enticing. He meekly followed Grumbo up the chimney. He was sure his father would be in a dreadful temper by now. (In this he was right, but the temper was not just because of Percy. Mr Proudworthy had other things on his mind that night.)

*****

"You'll get fat if you eat all that moss." -Grumbo interrupted Rudolph's gentle munching.

"You should talk!" responded Rudolph, who, nevertheless, seemed quite pleased to see him. "Are we taking Percy?"

"Well he can't stuff his face with moss like you, can he? Of course we're taking him along! Stir your antlers!"

"Along where?" asked Percy, but his question went unheard.

"There is the question of Health and Safety," said Rudolph, pompously, having decided that he didn't like having his breakfast interrupted. "Carrying minors in sledges requires a full risk assessment."

"Risk assessment!" roared Grumbo. "Risk assessment! There'd be no need for risk assessments if you didn't keep insisting on travelling upside down!"

"Maintaining competence in vertical inversion is part of the Reindeer Standard Training Requirements, section 3 point 5, subsection 7," pointed out Rudolph, snootily. "Furthermore I am entitled to a full fifteen minutes moss grazing every three hours."

"Ok, ok! " sighed Grumbo. " I bet he didn't bother about risk assessments when you were with him earlier," he remarked to Percy, taking out a large sheet of paper. "We'd better humour him. He gets very bad tempered when he's hungry. Now, you don't suffer from fits, do you?"

"Er, no," answered Percy.

"Nor vertigo, finger rot, hair loss, beard fungus – oh no, that's Father Christmases only – mince pie allergy, hypothermia, glitter fever, excessive fear of heights or wobbly leg disease?"

"I don't think so," replied Percy.

"And you're not less than 90cm tall?" – Grumbo eyed him up and down: "No, you're not, so you don't need to sit on the elf booster sack. Just as well – that's where I keep the hamsters. Stops them chewing the wrapping paper when they get bored. Oh, and do you have both your own legs?"

Percy looked at him: "Of course I have! – Well, they're not anyone else's!"

"Attached to own legs," wrote Grumbo. "Right - if you should fall out, just grab a passing cloud and sit tight on it until someone comes to collect you. No heroics like finding your own way - it's against the rules."

"Alright," said Percy, wondering how he could possibly find his own way anyway as he didn't know where they were going, and what did you do if there wasn't a cloud? It didn't seem the right moment to ask, somehow.

"That's ok then. Just fasten your seat belt and we can go as soon as his Lordship has finished his repast," said Grumbo, satisfied, putting away the sheet of paper which Percy saw was now covered in large messy scrawling writing.

"But," began Percy as the sleigh jerked and swung upwards.

"You're 'butting' again," said Grumbo. "It's a very bad habit of yours."

"B.....It must be nearly morning," hastily amended Percy. "My mother might get worried if she finds I've vanished," he added apologetically. "And I have to go to school."

"Nonsense!" said Grumbo. "Hurry up Rudolph! Mothers worry anyway whether you're there or not. Besides, who said you wouldn't be there by morning? I don't know what gave you that ridiculous idea!"

"We aren't going far, then?" asked Percy, wondering wildly if Grumbo was intending popping into the 24 hour MacDonald's by the bypass for breakfast. It was the only place he could think of that might be open in the middle of the night. Would they serve someone in sooty pyjamas? Who would pay? He hadn't got any money, and somehow he didn't think Grumbo would carry a wallet.

"Only a few hundred miles or so," replied Grumbo, cheerfully, and anything but reassuringly.

"But...!" – Percy hesitated. By now the sleigh was racing through the air higher and higher above the houses. It didn't look as if Rudolph was about to turn round.

"There you go again! But, but, but!"

"I just wondered how we can go hundreds of miles and still be back for breakfast?" asked Percy, meekly.

"Don't they teach you anything in schools these days?" he sighed. "Surely you learnt in Geography that the whole earth turns round on its axis every 24 hours?"

"Well, yes," admitted Percy.

"So even just lying in your bed, you go right around the world every day without doing anything at all, don't you?" Percy thought about it. Gumbo continued: "So all you have to do is go up above the earth and wait for it to spin round until wherever you want to go is underneath, and then just drop down again. Of course it is a bit more complicated than that. It only spins in one way, so if you want to go north or south you have to do a bit of driving yourself."

"You mean I have to do a bit of pulling," came Rudolph's voice from somewhere in the thicket of snowflakes in front of them. "And you haven't told him about time loops either."

"That's true," admitted Grumbo. He turned to Percy again: "For special occasions we're allowed to use time loops. That's what we do on Christmas Eve. We only have a few hours to deliver presents all over the world, so we do have to cheat a little to get it done, even with the earth spinning round."

"What he hasn't told you is that he used a time loop tonight," explained Rudolph. "That's the real reason you don't need to worry about morning."

"I don't understand," said Percy.

*****

"Well," said Grumbo, "think of time like a long strip of paper with a model car going down one side. Normally it lies flat and the car just goes along it. But if you snip the paper on one side, just a quarter way through, and then another short snip on the other side but a bit farther down, you can bend the paper round and slide the cuts into one another. Then you've made a loop in the road, and the car can go right round the loop before it comes back to where it started from and carries on. But, and this is the clever bit, if you do it right, the car can avoid going round the loop at all and just carry on driving, though on the other side. Time is just like that piece of paper. The important thing is to choose a wide enough bit of time, and to make sure that the loop isn't visible except to those using it." He scrabbled about amongst the parcels and fished out a length of wide stiff red and green striped ribbon and a manicure set with scissors in. "Here, try it. You'll see." Percy carefully cut small slits either side a few centimetres apart and made a loop out of the ribbon. Then he studied it for a few minutes and traced his finger along. It made sense.

"So we're in a time loop now?" he asked.

"That's right," said Grumbo, proudly. I made a really big one so there's plenty of time for your tour."

"My tour?" enquired Percy, puzzled.

"Didn't I say? You got the lucky five pence piece in the Christmas pudding so you get a tour of the Father Christmas Training School as your prize."

"Training School? You mean there's more than one Father Christmas – you're not the only one?"

"Of course there's more than one! You didn't imagine anyone could possibly deliver all those presents on their own in just one night, even with time loops, did you? Besides, hadn't you noticed when you go into stores at Christmas that the Father Christmases are all a bit different? Some of us are slim like me," (Grumbo pulled in his stomach and preened himself a little), "and some are fat, some tall and some short, some blue eyed and some brown. -You're not very observant, are you," said Grumbo, disparagingly.

"Yes, but they're not real Father Christmases, are they?" protested Percy.

"Real! Of course they're real! As real as you and I! Dear me! They aren't the Chief Father Christmas, if that's what you mean. The CFC gave up doing store work fifty or a hundred years or so ago when his gout began to trouble him."

"I thought..." Percy fell silent for a moment: "Well, thought, -I thought it wasn't really true. I thought there was only supposed to be one Father Christmas but that he wasn't real anyway."

"It sounds to me as though you didn't really know what you thought!" declared Grumbo, a little huffily. "Do I _look_ unreal? It's a bit insulting you know, to be told by some young whippersnapper that you're _not real_ "

"I, - I didn't mean to insult you," said Percy, anxious to put things right. "It's just that it is a bit confusing," he added apologetically. "Have you always been a Father Christmas?"

"Only for the last hundred and fifty years," replied Grumbo. "It's my anniversary next month," he concluded, proudly.

"A hundred and fifty years!" said Percy in astonishment. "But you're not that wrinkled! "

"Wrinkled!" roared Grumbo."Wrinkled!"

"- and you look so young!" added Percy, hastily telling a white lie. "Er, when is your anniversary?"

"On the 12th January – that's when I passed my Advanced Silent Chimney Climbing finals. I was top of my year," declared Grumbo, mollified by Percy's interest. "Oh, we did things properly in those days! None of these special aids and continuous assessment like the youngsters have today. If you didn't climb your chimneys correctly on the day of the exam, that was it. No nonsense about having a cold and not being able to help sneezing, or being late because the reindeer were on strike. You either passed or you went back and re-sat the whole course."

"How long did it take – for the course I mean?" asked Percy.

"Five years," replied Grumbo. "It was hard work, I can tell you, young Percy!"

"Five years!" exclaimed Percy, wondering how anyone could possibly spend a whole five years learning to climb up and down a chimney. After all, he'd done it in a night! Grumbo glanced down at him and guessed what he was thinking:

"We don't just do silent chimney climbing," he explained. "There are all sorts of things to learn before you can become a fully qualified Father Christmas. It's a highly skilled job, you know. –But you'll see when we get there. Not long now!"

Percy looked out over the edge of the sleigh. They seemed to be descending rapidly, though it was difficult to tell as the snow had become even thicker, if that were possible. He could just make out Rudolph's antlers ahead of them and the faint glow from his nose. Certainly they were moving incredibly fast. As he stared out, he began to discern some sort of huge wall or cliff ahead of them. It looked as though Rudolph was going to go straight into it! Faster and faster they went. The sleigh turned slightly and rocked to and fro, presents slithering across the floor as Rudolph's speed continued, unchecked. Percy clutched his seat in panic. The enormous black wall was coming towards him! It was only metres away! They would hit it any minute! They were going to crash!

"Don't worry," said Grumbo's voice, reassuringly. He seemed to have read Percy's mind. "It's always a bit bumpy when we come off the Windway, but we won't hit anything. Rudolph's an expert at this, but he does get a little over enthusiastic once the scent of the brussel sprouts reaches him, especially after a long journey."

Just as Percy's hand went anxiously to his seat belt to check that it was safely fastened, the sledge took a sudden dive, jerked a little and swerved as it followed Rudolph into a dark narrow cave slit half way up the cliff.

*****

Suddenly there was no snow; no whiteness or whirling flakes. The walls were deep black and glistening wet. Percy blinked, adjusting his eyes. They were still travelling faster than he'd ever travelled before, but a soft muffling darkness enclosed them with just small subdued glints of light bouncing off the sides here and there. It felt as if they were moving through a thick dark fog, as indeed they were.

Gradually the reindeer slowed down and the mist began to clear. At the same time, tiny lights began to appear on the walls, more and more of them as they progressed. The air was warmer. Percy began to feel the painful prickle of blood returning to his numb icy feet. He'd forgotten how cold he was. The snow which had fallen onto his pyjamas had melted and they felt uncomfortably damp. Percy shivered and looked enviously at Grumbo, in his thick red jacket. Grumbo glanced at him:

"Hmm," he said, thoughtfully, rummaging amongst the parcels and murmuring under his breath: "Mr Parry – socks, Mr Patel – umbrella, ah yes, Mr Pettit – slippers." With that, he handed two parcels to Percy. "Try those. You need something on your feet."

Percy pulled out a pack of three pairs of M & S socks, black, extra large, and a pair of red and blue wool slippers, size 10.

"They're a bit big," he said, doubtfully.

"Put them all on," suggested Grumbo. "Then they'll fill up the extra space in the slippers." Percy did as he was told, and he was just wondering if it would be possible to walk at all without the slippers falling off, when the sleigh swung round a corner and they came to a sudden halt before a tall thick pointed oak door with enormous metal hinges on one side. Rudolph bent his head and knocked with his antlers three times.

Chapter 7 – Breakfast!

"Come in dear, come in," said a cheerful motherly voice. Rudolph pulled the door handle round with a twist of his head and pushed it open.

"I'll be off then. See you later, Perce! Cheerio!" - And with that Rudolph shuffled off his reins and raced rapidly away down the other corridor.

"After sprouts again!" said Grumbo, climbing out. "Thinks of nothing but his stomach, that reindeer!"

Percy was too busy gazing in front of him to pay attention.

Before them was a small round room with a blazing fire and a sofa covered in cushions of every hue. In the middle of it sat a tiny kindly looking woman with grey curly hair and a red fluffy cardigan. Her glasses were shaped like half moons and she wore a white shawl over her shoulders and a pair of furry slippers. By her side was a large basket of what appeared to be socks and there was a needlework box standing next to the sofa. She was knitting very rapidly, though she seemed to have far more needles than was usual.

"Goodness gracious!" she exclaimed, looking at them over the top of her glasses and catching sight of Percy's feet. "What has he been doing to you, poor boy! Grumbo, you are an absolute disgrace! Come by the fire, Percy. You must be frozen!" She glared at Grumbo fiercely. Percy shuffled carefully towards her, the slippers flapping and threatening to fall off at every step.

"Sorry, Nanny," said Grumbo, shamefaced.

"No coat, no shoes, wrong night – really Grumbo! Never mind, Percy. You come and get warm again. Now just sit here by me." She patted the sofa. "I'm Nanny Christmas. Grumbo, don't just stand there you great lozzocking lump! Go and get Percy a cup of hot chocolate, and no dilly dallying. – Oh and bring a towel – _and don't forget to comb your beard_!" she called as Grumbo hastened out of the door.

"Now, Percy, make yourself comfortable."

"Thank you," said Percy, politely as his pyjamas began to steam and the melted snow dripped off his hair. He thought Nanny looked just a little bit like Mrs Doggett, only she was much smaller and her face had a lot more kind crinkles in it.

"Socks!" she said.

"Er, pardon?" answered Percy, wondering if he had heard correctly.

"Socks! What size are you? No, you don't know. Boys never do." She answered herself, peering at his feet. "Never mind." She hooked a fresh ball of wool from a pile on the floor and began to knit at a furious pace, the wool disappearing between the needles as if something was consuming it.

"Here you are, Nanny. I got one for you too," said Grumbo's voice. He placed a tray with three mugs of steaming hot creamy chocolate on the table and handed them out. Percy clasped his gratefully. It tasted absolutely delicious and was exactly the right temperature; not so hot that it burnt his tongue, but warm enough to send a wonderful cheerful glow all the way down.

"Now dry your hair," said Nanny, not ceasing her knitting as she handed him the towel, "-and take those ridiculous things off your feet." Percy meekly obeyed. "There we are," continued Nanny, removing the last needle from a pair of long grey socks that had grown as if by magic, and snipping the wool. "Put those on," she commanded. She looked him up and down. "Yes, you'll do now. Grumbo, you may take him for breakfast, and mind you look after him!" Dismissing them, she delved into her pile of wool and resumed knitting.

Percy, now warm and dry again, felt much better, but the thought of breakfast was good, very good. He wondered what it would be, and if it would be as super as the chocolate had been. Maybe, if he was really lucky, there might be bacon and eggs as well as toast. Even just cornflakes would be welcome. Grumbo was striding along setting a very fast pace through the long cave corridor. It was difficult to keep up. "She's very kind, Nanny Christmas, isn't she?" he said, a little breathlessly as they strode along.

"I knew she'd notice your socks," sighed Grumbo, gloomily, slowing down. "I never get things right!"

"It doesn't matter," said Percy. "I didn't mind at all and I think Nanny likes knitting."

"She does," said Grumbo, even more gloomily, now walking along wearily with his head slumped. "But she'll notice the ones you took off, you see. They weren't ones that she'd knitted. They came from a shop. Nanny doesn't believe in shop socks. We have to pretend that the ones we send out as presents are the ones she knits."

"Oh, I see," said Percy. "But she can't knit enough for everyone, can she?"

"She can!" responded Grumbo, heavily. "She knits everything. She knitted me a scarf last Christmas with yellow spots on and the words to Jingle Bells in green. Yellow spots! She said it suited me. I had to wear it for a whole month before the weather turned!" Percy sympathised – he remembered his pink shirt.

"Now I'll have to find some more socks for Mr Parry, and the shops are so crowded at this time of year and there's never enough time!" He sighed again.

"You could have these ones back," offered Percy, "- only they might be a bit grubby. I don't think my feet were very clean because of the chimneys and so on, but I don't think they'll smell _very_ much yet." At that moment another Father Christmas came hurrying along the corridor the other way.

"Hi Grumbo," he called "Can't stop! Got to see the CFC. You'd better hurry up if you want breakfast – The Lane's open today!" and he raced on down the passage.

"The Lane!" said Grumbo, straightening up and his eyes brightening. "Come on, Percy, run!"

*****

They ran, Percy in his stocking feet following close behind Grumbo so as not lose him, until finally they reached a pair of arched doors with 'Breakfast Magna' written across. Percy, who had no idea what 'Magna' meant but was expecting to see something like a large café with chairs and tables, gasped in astonishment as the door opened.

There below was a vast network of roads, paths and fields spread out like a huge map. Dotted about moving along the paths or simply sitting down on one of the many benches, were hundreds of Father Christmases. Most of them were carrying plates or bowls as they went. Those sitting down were eating and chatting to each other. The sun was shining and trees and flowers bordered each route, but there were no kitchens or serving hatches visible.

"Follow me," called Grumbo, who could move with amazing speed for someone so bulky. He shot off on a path to the left, Percy running behind. "This way!" he called, taking a sudden right turn downhill. Then at last he began to slow down and Percy had the chance to look about. He had just begun to realise that the trees and plants were not the ones he was used to, when they reached a signpost with a clock attached saying 'Oatcake Lane – Open 7- 9', and Grumbo stopped.

"Just in time," he beamed, turning to Percy. "-Take a plate," he added pointing to a tree standing by the gate in the wall where the lane began.

Percy looked under the tree, his eyes searching for piles of crockery, but saw none.

"Not under it," said Grumbo impatiently "- on it!" Percy looked up. Sure enough there, hanging from the tree were not leaves, but attractive oval plates in different sizes, some green and some white. Grumbo reached out and pulled off the largest he could see. Percy, rather hesitantly, followed suite, choosing a rather smaller size from the lower branches.

"You do like oatcakes, I take it?" asked Grumbo, pushing open the door.

"I don't know. I don't think I've ever had one," replied Percy following him.

The road before them seemed very misty, as though it was steaming in the sun. Along it were wandering dozens of Father Christmases of all shapes and sizes, each with a plate, talking and plucking what appeared from the distance to be extremely large and very dead leaves. The trees that lined the lane seemed to be quite bare and denuded even of the dead looking leaves already. There was hardly any green upon most of them, though there were smaller bushes too. These were covered in bunches of long yellow dangly flowers, rather like catkins from a distance, and there were beds of tall plants with sprays of small round orange blooms as well. As they got closer, Percy saw one of the Father Christmases shake one of these sprays onto his plate, and a shower of orange fell onto the brown leaf below which he then gathered up and began to eat. Percy wondered what they were and what they tasted like.

Oatcake Lane

Grumbo reached up and pulled off one of the enormous blotchy brown leaves and handed it to Percy and then got another for himself. It was curiously soft and floppy, like a thin pale brown pancake, not dry and brittle like old leaves usually are. It was also hot. Percy jumped as he touched it in surprise.

"Cheese or beans?" asked Grumbo, gathering a bunch of the catkin like flowers and rolling them inside the leaf where they began to melt and ooze out of the end with and a distinctly tantalising cheese-like smell. "Can't make up your mind? - Have both!" With that, he gathered more of the catkins and placed them on Percy's plate and then taking it from him he held it under one of the orange flowered plants and shook. "There you are," he said, handing it back with a grin.

Percy looked at his plate. There on top of the brown pancake thing, cheese was undoubtedly melting and beside it a pile of baked beans, all steaming hot! "You roll it up to eat it, like this," explained Grumbo, suiting the action to the word. "It saves on washing up."

It smelt wonderful! Percy was so hungry! He eyed it for a second only and then copied Grumbo who was already tucking in. It tasted even more marvellous than it smelled.

"Right," said Grumbo, brushing the last fragment of his sixth oatcake off his beard. "That'll do for starters. What would you like next?

"What is there?" asked Percy.

"It all depends on how far you want to walk," replied Grumbo, who was already moving purposefully towards a path at right angles to them. "You see, we have to keep our strength up or we'd never manage all the deliveries in time on Christmas Eve, so we have to eat plenty, but we have to exercise a lot too or we'd just get unfit and too fat to go down the chimneys. So, we have delicious food, but it's all in different villages on different roads and paths. It's very convenient because it means that by the time you reach your next course you feel hungry again. This village is just Breakfast Magna. There's also Breakfast Parva, which is a bit smaller, Upper Luncheon and Lower Luncheon, Dinner cum Pudding, Dinner cum Soup, Teatime and Greater Teatime and of course, Elevenses, Little Snacking, Munchit Green and Supperton."

As he spoke they were walking alongside a small stream which fell in a waterfall to a lake below. Taking Percy's plate, Grumbo bent and put it with his own onto a conveyor belt which led from the path through the waterfall, carrying all the dirty plates which came out clean and sparkling at the other side. What a great idea, thought Percy – no washing up!.

"Does all the food grow ready to eat on trees and plants?" he asked.

Grumbo smiled: "No, only some of it – the very freshest. Oatcakes are special. The trees only produce them on Fridays, so we all try to make sure we get there on time. The roots have to reach all the way to the middle of North Staffordshire, which is a very long way away, so that they can get the right nutrients. There they're fed on a top secret recipe known only to the Old Oatcake Bakers of Burslem."

"Do you have bacon and eggs and things like that too?" enquired Percy, hopefully.

"We do – just follow me," and Grumbo strode off.

*****

Percy hadn't known it was possible to eat so much gorgeous delicious food and still want more. They went from path to path and village to village. He climbed Pudding Mountain and watched the hot red fragrant strawberry jam erupt from the centre and cascade down the sides as hundreds of Father Christmases reached out from the raised path with huge spoons and waiting bowls to collect it. He sailed on Custard Lake and helped himself. He drank from a lemonade fountain which had real lemons floating in it with an enticing scent that you could smell for miles around. He visited the glorious warm Chocolate Sauce Falls, and the Apricot Gardens where the fruit was always fat, ripe and juicy and just asking to be eaten and the walls were lined with fresh grapes and figs. He collected his own new laid eggs from the hens roaming through Greater Teatime and boiled them in the hot spring bubbling up from the stones that automatically rolled the eggs out when they were done. He ate warm bread baked for him in a hot cave oven by a Mother Christmas which came out with his name written on the top. He tasted all the Soup Ponds and had lunch at Pie Corner where there were more different kinds of pies than he had thought could exist. He picked his own salad in Munchit Green whose luscious round ripe tomatoes had a flavour and scent nothing like those from a shop.He walked round Sweetshop Crescent where humbugs hung from the bushes, pear drops flowered and the tree trunks and branches were made of coltsfoot rock. But best of all he thought, was Sherbert Fountain where your nose tickled as you got near and your tongue began to fizz - or perhaps the Creamery with its hundreds of kinds of ice-cream and real cream, its great heaps of meringues, wafers, chocolate flakes and bowls of fresh pineapple, strawberries, blueberries and raspberries that filled up again as fast as you ate them. It was a blissful morning!

### Chapter 8 -Letters and Chimneys

"Time for your tour of the Training School," announced Grumbo, "I'd better just rinse the bits off my beard first as we're bound to meet Miss MacGrammar somewhere." He shuddered at the thought, and then going to one of the streams that ran down the side of nearly every path, he leant over and dangled his beard in it. Percy looked on, critically:

"You haven't done the top bit," he said. "There's a bit of chocolate still on it, and isn't that the lemonade stream?"

"Yes," agreed Grumbo, sticking his tongue out as far as it would go and licking around the bits of beard it could reach. "I do believe you're right. Ah!Got it! Mmmm - lemonade and chocolate go rather well together."

"Who's Miss MacGrammar," asked Percy as they set off with Grumbo shaking the drops of surplus lemonade off his beard.

"You'll see, you'll see!" said Grumbo, in a voice of deep foreboding, opening a giant oak door with 'Father Christmas Training School' written on a polished brass plate on it.

The Door to the Training School

The door led to an arched passageway off which many other doors opened on both sides, each with its own brass square.

"Now, where should we start," wondered Grumbo aloud. "Better get it over with, I suppose," he added gloomily, going towards a dark narrow door on the right with "Letter Writing Class" on it. He seemed very nervous as he knocked and opened it.

*****

"No Henry! 'We do NOT spell reindeer 'RAIN DEAR'. Get your dictionary and look it up! It starts with R E." - It sounded a little like Miss Carbuncle, thought Percy .Inside he could see about thirty young looking Father Christmases, all sitting behind wooden desks writing busily. They didn't look very happy.

"Good afternoon, Grumbo. – And who is your youthful companion?" enquired a tall woman with a large nose and small head, turning from the front of the class and looking first over her glasses and then under her glasses at them as they entered. She looked rather like a bird of prey, thought Percy.

Miss MacGrammar

"This is Percy, please Miss MacGrammar," replied Grumbo deferentially. "He's come to look around."

"I see," replied Miss MacGrammar. She turned to Percy: "Grumbo here has the unhappy distinction of being my worst ever pupil. It took me three years to teach him to spell 'stocking' without missing out the 'c'. However, even he attained success in the end." She smiled frostily: "I expect you want to know what we do here?"

"Yes please," said Percy, shyly. Her next words filled him with horror:

"In that case, the best way is for you to take a seat and join in," she said. "You too, Grumbo. – I'm sure a little extra practice will do you no harm. There are seats over there." She pointed and, miserably, Grumbo and Percy sat down where she indicated.

"Now," said Miss MacGrammar, "-the letter from a child writing in to Father Christmas that we are studying today is on the board. Here is a sheet of paper each and a pen each for you to write a suitable reply to them, and," she added grimly, her long nose pointing at them menacingly, "I want no spelling mistakes."

Percy looked at the letter on the board. It read:

' _Dear Santa,_

I'm not shore I beleav in you, but if you are reel, plese can I have a dog for crismas.

Jack

_PS sum choclate wood be_ nise _good too'_

Percy thought hard:

' _Dear Jack_ ,' he began. ' _Thank you for riting to me_.' He put his pen down and looked at it. There was something wrong. He knew that wasn't how you spelt it, but what did ' _writing_ ' begin with?

"You need a 'w'," said a whisper behind his left ear, and a wisp of beard tickled against his shoulder.

"Thanks!" he whispered back. He didn't dare look round to see who his helper was in case Miss MacGrammar caught him. He bent over the paper and wrote:

' _I will see if I can bring a dog. It won't fit in your stocking so I will leave it in your kitchen.You will have to remember to look after it and to take it for woarks every day. I will put the choclate in your stocking._

Love

Father Christmas'

As he finished a torn scrap fluttered onto his desk. It just had one word written on it: 'walks'.Percy could see Miss MacGrammar moving towards him so he crumpled the bit of paper in his hand and hastily corrected what he had written.

"Now," announced Miss MacGrammar, "- you have all had time to think about the exercise and should all have completed at least a draft response by now. Who can tell me what particular things we need to consider in our reply? - Yes, Rhodri?"

"Where to put the dog on the sledge so that it doesn't chew anything?"

"No, Rhodri. Before that we need to consider IF we put a dog on the sledge. Why might you not want to take a dog?"

"If it bites, Miss?"

"If we're allergic, Miss?"

"If it's got fleas, Miss!"

"Quieten down class! No, those are not the reasons. Think about where Jack lives. Think about his parents."

"Is it because his parents are allergic?" asked a large earnest looking Father Christmas from the back.

"Is it because his parents have fleas and they might give them to the dog?" asked Grumbo, looking innocent. Miss MacGrammar glared at him.

"Yes, Brown. One of his parents having an allergy to dogs could be a reason. Can you think of any others?" The class went quiet as they thought:

"If they haven't got any dog food?" asked Brown.

"Yes," said Miss MacGrammar. "If they are too poor to buy dog food is a good reason. What about where they live? -They might not live in a house," she hinted.

"If they live in a cave?" suggested Grumbo. "The dog might get lost and fall down a deep crevasse and have to be rescued by the fire brigade." Miss MacGrammar, looking steadfastly over Grumbo's head at Rhodri, ignored him. Percy shyly put up his hand:

"What if they live in a flat high up and don't have a garden?" he asked.

"Very good, Percy! They may not have room for a dog and they may have no-where to let it play outside. Can you think of any other things we need to consider in the letter - what about the request for chocolate?"

"Might Jack be allergic to chocolate?"

"Yes, that is certainly a possibility, Brown, though unlikely I feel. Anything else? – yes, Percy?"

"He might be allergic to nuts, Miss, and some chocolate's got nuts in."

"A very good point, Percy. We would need to take care that it was nut free chocolate."

"Is it because the dog might eat the chocolate and if it was allergic to it, it might swell up and have to be taken to the vet's and they might not be open on Christmas day?" asked Grumbo. Miss MacGrammar closed her eyes briefly and sighed.Grumbo turned to the class. "I took a dog once, when I was young and foolish. A German Shepherd puppy it was. It was quiet as a lamb all the way and no trouble at all until we got down the chimney. Then it discovered there was a cat asleep at the end of the bed! After chasing each other round the room half a dozen times knocking over the furniture and making a terrific noise, the cat escaped up the chimney and the dog tried to follow. Only being a rather stupid animal, it got stuck on the bend just above the fire place and began to bark. I couldn't get out through the chimney because the dog was stuck there, so I had to climb out of the window which was one of those which only open a tiny way and a bit of my beard got stuck in the hinge. I pulled this way and that way, but it was no good. I was fast there, dangling by my beard!"Grumbo paused for dramatic effect and glanced around his audience: "There was only one thing to be done!" Grumbo paused again: "I bit it off!It took a bit of chewing, but my teeth were young in those days.By then the father was trying to yank the dog down by the tail. When I got back up to the roof, minus half my beard, the cat was sitting calmly on the ridge tiles having a wash and chatting to Rudolph, as cool as a cucumber, and the dog was still barking below."

"Thank you for sharing that with us, Grumbo," said Miss MacGrammar, dryly, picking up the paper from Grumbo's desk and peering at it with a frown. "As your handwriting remains illegible, perhaps you would like to read us your contribution personally, before you move on." Grumbo cleared his throat:

"Dear Jack, " he began. "Sorry, but I don't do dogs. Choc's fine though, and I'll leave you a few of Rudolph's sprouts to go with it. Course I'm real – are you? You should learn not to be so cheeky, but I'll let you off because your spelling is even worse than mine. I can do a hamster if you like, but keep it away from the sprouts, or you can have a kitten if you don't mind it being a bit sooty, but don't let it pee in your bed. Don't let the spelling stop you writing – it never did me. Cheers, Father Christmas."

Miss MacGrammar drew a deep breath. There was a pause. She appeared to be counting to ten. Her spectacles shuddered slightly on the long pointed nose. Not a Father Christmas moved, not a desk creaked. Every eye was on Miss MacGrammar. The room tensed. You could almost feel the silence.

"GRUMBO! " – The noise was like an explosion. "Your spelling is execrable, your writing unreadable, your grammar appalling, your style vulgar and the content of your response breaks almost every rule I can think of in the FC compliance manual." Miss MacGrammar paused for breath: "I cannot imagine how you ever succeeded in passing your finals, for clearly the five years I spent on you were completely wasted. WASTED, Grumbo! I can only hope that you haven't yet contaminated Percy with your sloppy habits and idleness."

"Yes, Miss MacGrammar. No, Miss MacGrammar." replied Grumbo, looking a little shamefaced.

"I am tempted," she continued, "to tear up your work and throw it in the wastepaper basket where it undoubtedly belongs. However, I abhor waste, and so I have thought of a use for it. Henceforth it will be printed in the FC letter writing manual as a prime example of common faults and how not to compose a letter. Each year there will be a competition for those aged under 105 to see who can spot the most errors in it. The winner will receive a copy of my book 'FC Grammatical Style' and a tour of the Oatcake Groves of Burslem.

"The Oatcake Groves! Oh, Miss MacGrammar!" – Grumbo's voice faltered.

"Yes, the Oatcake Groves. I am well aware of your obsession, Grumbo, and it will be fitting that each year, you should reflect on how your carelessness and idleness have ever prevented you from reaching them. I am sure that you will ensure that the same fate does not await Percy." With that, Miss MacGrammar swept majestically to the door and held it open. A chastened Grumbo, followed by Percy, crept through.

*****

"Pheww!" exclaimed Percy as the door safely shut behind them. "She's really peculiar! -Almost as bad as Miss Carbuncle!"

"I can't think why she doesn't like me," said Grumbo in a puzzled voice. "If everybody did it right she wouldn't have a job – you'd think she'd be pleased when someone gets something wrong!"

"I thought your reply was really good," Percy said loyally, "I bet Jack would have thought so too."

"Wasn't bad, was it," replied Grumbo, proudly. "We'll go to Silent Chimney Climbing next. That'll be a bit more fun."

"Grumbo," said Percy who had been thinking about things as they hurried down the corridor, "why did you put the bit about the sprouts going with the chocolate in? I mean, sprouts just don't go with chocolate."

"Ah! That's because of Rudolph. He's obsessed with the things – eats them incessantly if you give him a chance, and he always smuggles an extra bag onto the sleigh when my back's turned. I leave a few sprouts with every delivery so as to get rid of them."

"Why can't you just let him eat them?" asked Percy.

"Because they make his farts smell awful," explained Grumbo. "He says it's a good thing and they make him go faster, like a jet propelled rocket, but I'm the one sitting behind! Here we are."

The Silent Chimney Climbing classroom looked a bit like a gym, thought Percy. The ceiling was very high and there seemed to be quite a lot of apparatus about including ropes and climbing bars, but what struck his eye was a group of enormously tall coloured glass tubes placed in the centre of the room. The tubes were different shapes and widths, some with bends in them and some without, all ending in a chimney pot. Inside each, climbing upwards was a figure in red carrying a sack. At ground level, a small Father Christmas with a face as brown and wrinkled as an old walnut was rolling about in a wheelchair between the glass chimneys and shouting encouragement and advice to the climbers.

"That's Father Edmund," explained Grumbo. "He's a brilliant teacher.*

"Hi, Grumbo!" called Father Edmund, spotting them and steering enthusiastically in their direction. "Who have we here?" He smiled at Percy, with a generous grin that almost seemed to fold his face in half as the edges of his mouth reached out towards his long ears and his beard waggled cheerfully.

"This is Percy," explained Grumbo, "here for the tour. He's a dab hand at climbing chimneys already – Not that he hasn't a lot to learn, but I've been giving him some practice."

"Want to have a go?" asked Father Edmund, turning to Percy. "You don't have to, but the green chimney's free if you'd like to try." He waved a hand towards the shortest of the tubes.

"Thanks!" said Percy, his eyes lighting up. It looked much more exciting than writing letters.

"Dummy sacks are over there, and if you get stuck just shout out, though you won't – you look far too slim!" Father Edmund's eyes twinkled as Percy, picking up a sack, nonchalantly set off inside the green chimney. "Keen, isn't he," he remarked to Grumbo.

"Yes. It's early days but he's a good lad. He put up with me and Rudolph OK anyway. – Never complained about being cold or hungry or anything, just got on with it."

Percy was finding the chimney a bit more difficult than he had expected. Being glass, it was more slippery than bricks and his socks slithered on the sides if he wasn't careful. He thought it would have been easier with the rubber soles on a pair of Wellingtons. Despite that, he had already overtaken the Father Christmas in the next chimney who seemed to be struggling. There! His head was out of the top. In another minute he was perched astride the chimney pot waving down at Grumbo and Father Edmund far below. They waved back:

"Well done!" called Father Edmund. "Have a go at getting down and then you can try the blue chimney." As he spoke, he went over to the purple tube next to Percy's and stuck his head under the edge and called up: "Are you OK, Smithers?"

"I'm stuck!" called a desperate voice echoing down the tube.

"Don't panic. Just draw your right leg in slightly. Yes, that's it. Now right foot down a couple of centimetres.Now do the same with the left. Just a couple of centimetres at a time. Keep your body in the same place. Just move your legs. You'll be free in a moment. A few centimetres at a time, remember. Now put your right hand on your left shoulder. Now your left hand on your right shoulder and stretch upwards. You won't fall." Father Edmund turned to Grumbo: " I really don't know what to do with him," he whispered. "He has no sense at all and he's getting fatter by the day. He keeps panicking and rolling himself into a ball inside the chimney. We had to get him out with the corkscrew last week!"

Percy, slithering triumphantly out of the green tube and making a beeline for the blue chimney, stopped and looked upwards at Smithers. He remembered how his first chimney had felt and how afraid he had been of falling. He looked at Father Edmund. "You could lie the chimney down for him. Then he could practise the movements inside it without worrying about falling," he suggested.

"You know, that's a very good idea," said Father Edmund, thoughtfully.

"Then you could just tilt it a little bit when he'd got the idea, and then make it steeper each time until it was upright," added Grumbo, approaching the empty green chimney as Smithers finally extricated himself from the bottom of the purple tube with a resounding 'plop', rather like a cork being pulled out of a bottle. "Come on, no time like the present! " continued Grumbo, enthusiastically, pulling a bolt from a fastening in the floor. "You go to the top again, Percy and take the rope with you." Percy didn't need telling twice. Tying the rope firmly around the chimney pot, he threw the other end down to Grumbo. Then he began to slide back down. As he did so, Grumbo began to tug on the rope. There was a loud creaking noise, and the chimney swung forwards and then began to descend very quickly indeed....

Percy, who had just at that moment let go of the sides, flew out of the end and through the air like a human cannon ball!

Down below, Smithers who had tripped over the rope, was lying on his back like a giant red ladybird, kicking his legs in exactly the spot where the chimney was due to land. There was a loud 'thwack' noise, rather like a tennis ball hitting a racquet, and the chimney pot bounced off Smithers' huge stomach and headed upwards again.

Percy the cannon ball made a grab at the nearest solid object which turned out to be Wingle, who had just reached the top of the yellow chimney. Knocked off his feet by this unexpected arrival, Wingle fell down the outside of the yellow tube taking Percy with him, both tangled together by the cord on Wingle's sack.

By now all the Father Christmases had stopped climbing and were gazing out from the top of their chimneys to see what was happening. The green chimney was still oscillating to and fro and Grumbo was running frantically around the floor chasing the end of the rope as it moved. Smithers sat up and rubbed his stomach, muttering to himself. Father Edmund was sitting back in his wheelchair roaring with laughter.

"I don't think I've seen anything so funny in the last hundred years," he said, wiping tears of amusement from his eyes with an enormous turquoise handkerchief. " Your face was a picture, Grumbo! Just as well Smithers had his super-spring elasticated corsets on, though! Time to finish for the afternoon I think."
Chapter 9 – Grumbo Engineers a Sticky Situation

"Pack and dispatch next," announced Grumbo, after they had helped Father Edmund to anchor the green chimney so that it was lying down safely and ready for Smithers' next attempt. They entered a gigantic network of caves all lined with shelves. At intervals there were huge rolls of wrapping paper hanging from the walls with serrated cutting edges underneath, like enormous rolls of cling film. Sellotape dispensers hung above the tables and pots of glue stood in the middle. Several Father Christmases were busy at the benches. Percy noticed that each table bore a label saying: 'Easy', 'Medium', 'Hard' or 'Really Difficult'. The very last bench was marked 'Challenging – Qualified FCs only'.

He recognised Rhodri working on the first bench. The parcels before him were already in rectangular boxes of different sizes and he was rapidly covering them in paper and attaching bows. As he completed each one, Percy noticed that he put on a sticker from a bowl at his side and then placed the parcel on the conveyor belt that ran down the centre of the room.

"Hi, Rhodri," said Grumbo. "You escaped from Miss MacGrammar then!"

"Only just, Grumbo! She's kept the rest of the class in to go over their spellings again."

"Why did she let you off?" asked Percy with interest.

"Ah, " said Grumbo, " Rhodri has a gift for spelling. It's because he specialises in book testing. He reads so many words that he always recognises when one looks wrong. I bet you got ten out of ten, didn't you, Rhodri?"

"Well, sort of," said Rhodri, modestly. "Nine and a half actually – she took half a mark off for not putting the capital 'T' at the start of 'Tuesday'. You were lucky to get out before the test."

"Capital 'T'?" said Grumbo, wonderingly. "I thought it began with 'Ch'. You know: 'CHEWS-DAY', or is it 'CHOOSE-DAY?" Rhodri looked at Percy and Percy looked at Rhodri, and then they both burst out laughing.

"Grumbo, you are hopeless!" declared Rhodri. "Have you shown Percy our new machine yet?"

"No, I didn't know we'd got one. Where is it and what does it do?" enquired Grumbo.

"It's brilliant," declared Rhodri. "It makes the ribbon bows automatically!" He led the way over to the other side of the cave where a strange contraption full of gears and wheels and levers stood. On the front a notice read 'Super Deluxe Ribbon Bow Maker'.

"You choose your ribbon colours," explained Rhodri, pointing at a series of large reels at the top, "- and you pour the glue in here. Then you press one of these to choose what size you want and how many, and the bow or the rosette comes out of the chute. Do you want to have a go, Percy?"

"Please!" said Percy. "Can we make a big red one?"

"Certainly," said Rhodri, picking up a reel of vivid red ribbon and feeding the end into a slot. "You choose the style and the size by pressing these buttons. Then press the green button marked 'Go'."

Percy pressed the buttons. There was a whirring sound as the cogs began to turn and the ribbon was drawn inside the machine. Seconds later a large red rosette dropped out of the end of the chute.

"Let the glue dry for a moment," said Rhodri, "and then you can pick it up."

"That's clever," remarked Grumbo. He turned to Percy: "We used to have to make them all by hand, and it took ages. I'll tell you what, Rhodri, you tell us how many you want and what colours and Percy and I will operate the machine. Then you can get your packing done in record time." Rhodri seemed to hesitate for a minute, thought Percy.

"OK," he agreed, "but please do be careful with it, Grumbo. We've only had it a week and Father Gerbil's very proud of it."

"Of course we'll be careful, " responded Grumbo airily. "There's nothing to it!"

Rhodri threw them an anxious look as he returned to his bench. Grumbo was enthusiastically fitting a reel of yellow ribbon in to the first slot. He peered at the controls. "Extra large, I think!" he said putting his finger firmly on one of the buttons and holding it down.

"I don't think you actually need to hold the button down," ventured Percy. "You just press it."

"Bound to work better if you're firm with it," replied Grumbo, cheerfully, his eyes on the delivery chute. Seconds later a splendidly large yellow bow emerged. "You see!" he beamed. "Let's do some more!" As he spoke a second yellow bow appeared; then a third and a fourth. A fifth and sixth bow slid down as the reel of ribbon above whirled round furiously. Soon the huge bows were shooting out of the machine faster than Percy could gather them up.

"I think we're running out of ribbon," he said to Grumbo, who was still standing with his finger on the button, mesmerised by the appearance of the endless stream of yellow bows.

"What? Oh, yes. Better put another reel in. I'll do it." He fitted a bright blue sparkly ribbon into the second slot. There was a slight jolt from the machine, a scraping noise and then a half finished yellow bow appeared followed by silence.

"We've broken it!" -Percy glanced anxiously at Rhodri as he spoke.

"Nonsense!" declared Grumbo, vigorously jabbing the green button. There was a grinding sound and then the cogs shuddered and began to turn again. Percy watched the delivery chute. A small blue and yellow rosette creaked slowly out.

"You see! Nothing to it!" announced Grumbo. "Just needs a bit of oil, that's all. Hand me that can off the shelf, will you."

With misgiving, Percy passed Grumbo a large oilcan.

Lifting off the top of the machine, Grumbo peered into the inside. "Got you, ....got you!" he said as he inverted the can over various points." Then he handed it back to Percy and closed the lid. "Got to look after your machinery, you know. There's nothing like a bit of oil to keep things running smoothly." Percy replaced the can on the shelf – it felt very considerably lighter.

"We'll see how she goes now," announced Grumbo, wiping oil off his hands onto the back of his trousers. With this he stuck his thumb firmly on the green button again.

Nothing happened.

Grumbo pressed again.

Nothing happened.

"Maybe something's stuck," suggested Percy.

Grumbo grunted: "They just don't maintain their equipment properly these days," he declared, poking at one of the cogs and wiping the dirt off with the end of his beard. "It probably needs a thorough overhaul." Percy's heart sank. "Have a look round for a screwdriver, can you Percy." Percy looked, secretly hoping he wouldn't find one. Alas, there was a toolbag on the bench next to him. "Over there," said Grumbo, irritably.

Percy reluctantly opened it and handed over a large screwdriver.

"I'll just tighten a few things up first," said Grumbo, suiting the action to the word. "And then I think the delivery mechanism needs taking apart."

A few seconds later the delivery chute and a large number of screws, nuts and bolts lay on the floor around them and Grumbo, his head half way inside the machine, was poking his beard between the remaining gears and pulling through metres of mangled ribbon.

"There," he announced in a muffled voice, "that's the problem. Probably been blocked up for days," he added cheerfully, emerging into the light.

Percy decided not to point out that the mangled ribbon was all the same yellow or blue that they had been using.

Grumbo set to work to put the chute back together again. A few of the screws had rolled under the bench, and one of the nuts didn't seem to fit anywhere any longer, but Grumbo seemed undeterred. The finished result looked a slightly different shape, considered Percy, but he felt that maybe that was something he hadn't better mention either.

Grumbo proudly fed in more ribbon and pressed the button. The machine whirred into action. Out slid a large sparkling blue bow, or at least, it would have been sparkling if it hadn't been so oily.

"We need to work the oil through," said Grumbo, examining it. He pushed the button. Two more bows emerged, slightly less oily than the first.Percy was impressed. He hadn't believed Grumbo would get it working again. He picked up the least oily of the bows. As he did so, it fell apart. Grumbo's face dropped. He took the remains of the bow from Percy and examined it closely: "It's run out of glue, that's all!" he declared, brightening. Taking a fresh giant size tub of glue, he unscrewed it and poured the entire contents into the funnel at the top of the bow making machine.

"Are you sure you're supposed to put the whole tub in?" asked Percy, faintly, watching the glutinous white stuff glug slowly down into the pipe. He wasn't even sure that Grumbo had put the funnel in the right hole. In fact, he was nearly sure that the one Rhodri had pointed out was on the right, not the left. Grumbo, however, seemed confident that all was well.

"If you weren't meant to put it all in they would make smaller containers, wouldn't they?" he pointed out, shaking the last reluctant drops out. "It makes lots of bows, so it needs lots of glue – simple as that. You can press the button this time."

Percy pressed. Just as he did so Rhodri's voice by his ear said: "I thought I'd come and see how you're getting on."

There was a gurgling sound from the bow machine and the cogs began to spin round. Faster and faster they seemed to go but nothing emerged from the chute.

"Something's stuck," announced Grumbo, authoritatively. He bent down to peer inside the hole and poked a screwdriver insideThe machine seemed to be getting rather hot and there was an odd smell coming from it.

Then, suddenly, Grumbo backed hastily away as the chute began to spew out enormous lengths of slippery slimy gluey oily ribbon. So fast were the cogs turning that it was creating its own breeze and the lengths of ribbon were being drawn up into the air. Dozens of them now began to float down. Before they could think what to do next, Percy, Grumbo, Rhodri and most of the nearby benches were all covered in the long sticky strips.

Glued!

"Get it off me, get it off me!" yelled Rhodri, pulling at his ear as a particularly large piece wound itself round and round his head. "Get it off, quick! It's super setting glue!"

Grumbo, who was trying to pull a strip from his own beard, reached out to help unwind Rhodri. But there his hand stopped. The glue had set. His hand was fastened tight to Rhodri's beard! What was more, his own beard was stuck to his hand as well. Percy tried to move forward to help, but his feet were stuck to the ground. He couldn't move!

"I'm stuck!" he said unnecessarily.

"We're all stuck!" announced Grumbo.

"urgh ullng eye eardd!" said Rhodri, whose mouth was completely covered by tape.

"It's no good talking to us in Welsh," said Grumbo, disapprovingly. " Percy only speaks English."

"Ught erlsh," responded Rhodri, waving his one free arm about vigorously.

"I think he's trying to say it's not Welsh," Percy interpreted helpfully.

"It doesn't matter what it is if we can't understand it, does it?" retorted Grumbo trying to pull his hand away in vain.

The bow making machine came to a shuddering halt and a small plume of evil smelling smoke rose from the lid as a last scrap of blue ribbon settled on the top of Grumbo's head.

"At least it's stopped," said Percy, struggling to free his feet. Then he had a thought. All he had to do was pull his feet out of his socks! In a moment he was free.

Rhodri and Grumbo were by now engaged in a sort of one handed fight as they tried to separate themselves. All the glue had now set hard. Percy looked at the pair of Father Christmases glued helplessly together, and bit his lip. He didn't want to hurt their feelings by laughing, but it was hard not to as they stood there, covered in ribbons, glaring at each other and waving one arm each.

"If you stop fighting," he said, "and both step out of your wellingtons together, you'll be able to walk." The waving hands stopped in mid air.

"He's right you know!" remarked Grumbo.

"Mmm ut irl uck," responded Rhodri.

"Yes," agreed Grumbo, rightly interpreting this as meaning they would still be stuck together, "but we could get Father Gerbil to find something to dissolve the glue." Rhodri shook his head vigorously, waggling Grumbo's beard to and fro as he did so.

"You're pulling my chin again!" Grumbo growled. "Why can't we tell Father Gerbil?" Rhodri became even more agitated and a succession of loud grunts emerged from beneath the ribbon. Percy looked at him anxiously.

"I think he's worried about how Father Gerbil will react when he sees the state of the bow machine," he said. Rhodri nodded, almost lifting Grumbo from the floor as he did so.

"Oh, is that all!" said Grumbo airily. "What a fuss to make about nothing. Old Gerbil won't mind!" Beads of sweat began to appear on Rhodri's brow at this remark. He emitted a series of loud grunts and began to wave his one free hand about again.

"Oh stop it!" said Grumbo, angrily.

"I don't think Rhodri's very happy," said Percy, eyeing Rhodri closely. "I think I've got a better idea." He peered at Rhodri's forehead as he spoke. "The ribbon on Rhodri's head is coming loose. I think his sweat is stopping it sticking. If you both go near the boiler and move about as much as you can until you're hot and sweaty, then you might be able to loosen the rest the same way." The two Father Christmases looked at one another. Then they looked at Percy. Then with one accord they both simultaneously stepped out of their wellingtons and began to move towards the boiler.

"You could jump up and down," suggested Percy. "One, two, three, go!"

"Yeeowh!" screeched Grumbo as Rhodri went up and he went down and the beards between them stretched taut. "You're pulling my beard off!" He stopped and glared at Rhodri who glared back at him, his eyes furious above the ribbon.

"You have to move together," pointed out Percy, patiently.

"Urgh oh gugh," uttered Rhodri. "earrr oan weught."

"Beards don't sweat," translated Grumbo who was beginning to get the hang of this. "- He's right, hair doesn't sweat! We'll have to think of another way."

"Yes, but hands do," pointed out Percy. "At least you could get your hands free even if the beards were still stuck together." He paused, wondering how the two Father Christmases would react to his next suggestion: "I could get the scissors..." he said tentatively. There was silence. Grumbo and Rhodri looked at one another. "Your beards would grow again, wouldn't they?" Then he added hopefully: "I wouldn't have to cut them all off. Just the bit that's stuck. I expect they'd look alright after a trim," he concluded encouragingly.

Grumbo looked at Rhodri.

Rhodri looked at Grumbo.

"I don't like that idea," said Grumbo, firmly. "Maybe if we put some oil on them it might loosen the glue." His eye was on the oil can sitting on the shelf where Percy had replaced it.

"Ert erth mm ry," agreed Rhodri.

"It's worth a try?" Percy translated. Rhodri nodded. Percy lifted the oil can. There wasn't a lot left in it. "You'll have to sit down," he said. "I can't reach otherwise."

Nanny Christmas coming through the door, was confronted by the sight of the two Father Christmases sitting on the floor in their socks before the boiler, covered all over in strips of coloured tape, while Percy stood in his ribbon bedecked pyjamas pouring engine oil over their joint beard.

"What in the world have you done now, Grumbo?" she asked, adjusting her half moon spectacles and peering at them.

"It's not my fault, Nanny!" declared Grumbo, aggrieved.

"Nonsense!" retorted Nanny briskly. "Of course it is. Percy would never think of such a thing, and neither would Rhodri. You're always so impetuous, Grumbo! Percy dear, do stop pouring that oil everywhere,"

"Sorry, Nanny," said Percy, "only we couldn't think of any other way to get their beards unstuck."

"The bow machine went on the blink. I was only trying to mend it," muttered Grumbo.

"Well oil won't work," stated Nanny, firmly. "I'll just have to give your beards a trim with my mending scissors." With that, she removed an enormous pair of scissors from her apron pocket and advanced towards the pair. Grumbo and Rhodri shrank back nervously. There was a look of anguish on their faces."Don't be so ridiculous," said Nanny, "it won't hurt you!"

Seconds later two large chunks of beard lay glued together on the floor and a rather odd looking Rhodri and Grumbo were looking at each other, each wondering if he looked as foolish as the other did. Percy bit his lip.

"Nanny!" said Grumbo in a tone of sheer desperation, "it's nearly Christmas day! We can't do deliveries with only half a beard!"

"Now, now now, you're being thoroughly silly again, Grumbo. You could do deliveries without any beard at all if you weren't so vain. Now go and get washed while I deal with these. You all look quite disgraceful. When you're tidy, and not before, mind, you may come to my room." Picking up the oily bits of beard, Nanny left.

*****

A short time later the three of them knocked on Nanny's door. Rhodri and Grumbo, who had been able to change their clothes, were now looking almost normal apart from their strangely ragged beards. Poor Percy, however, was still festooned with ribbons, though as no-one seemed to notice anything odd about him, he felt quite happy. Grumbo and Rhodri could not say the same – they had both walked down the corridors with heads bent, trying to conceal their beards, pretending they were lost in thought when any other FC passed by.

"Ah, there you are," said Nanny. "Percy, there is a set of clean clothes waiting for you in the other room. Off you go and get changed." She waved him through a small door to her right. "Now, Rhodri first," she announced. "You can wait, Grumbo," and she produced the remains of the two beards, now washed clean and sparkling, plus a needle and white cotton. "Sit still," she instructed. Rhodri dutifully obeyed, though his knuckles gripping the chair showed white.

Tipping his head up and adjusting her spectacles, Nanny peered down at the remaining beard. Then she selected one of the pieces, and holding it in place, began to sew rapidly. As she was snipping the last thread, Percy came shyly back into the room in his new clothes, carrying his sooty beribboned pyjamas in his hand. Nanny looked him up and down, critically.

"You'll do," she said. "Just leave those old pyjamas with me. Now, Rhodri, take Percy off to Toy Testing while I deal with Grumbo."

Rhodri looked down at his newly sewn on beard, and a smile spread over his face:

"Thanks, Nanny!" he said in a tone of great relief. "Come on, Percy!"

"Now you!" declared Nanny, as the other two left the room. "Grumbo, I hardly know what to say to you! How old are you now? 225 isn't it? Really! The older you get the less sense you seem to have. "

"Yes, Nanny," said Grumbo, meekly. Then he looked up at her, a twinkle spreading across his eyes. "We had fun though! Percy needed some fun."

"Yes," said Nanny reflectively. "He did. But you shouldn't have involved poor Rhodri. You know how anxious he is."

"Yes, he's even afraid of Father Gerbil," agreed Grumbo. "I'm sorry about that. Things just got out of hand."

"That was because you were letting yourself get carried away again without thinking of the consequences. Though," she added, "if truth be told I suspect Father Gerbil will actually quite enjoy repairing the bow machine, though he will never say so. Well, we'll say no more about it. How is young Rudolph these days? Are you making sure he takes his Reinitin?"

"He's fine," declared Grumbo, "just so long as I let him do vertical twirls and fly upside down now and then. He really enjoyed showing off to Percy." He lifted his chin to allow Nanny to start sewing.

### Chapter 10 – Practical Jokes

"Getting on with old Grumbo alright?" asked Rhodri as he and Percy hastened down yet more corridors.

"Yes, thanks," replied Percy, politely.

"What about that mad reindeer of his, Rudolph?"

"Oh, he's fun," said Percy, "only a bit scary sometimes!"

"Got himself a bit of a reputation, that one," said Rhodri, "but he seems to have settled down since Grumbo took him on."

"They seemed to get a bit grumpy with each other sometimes, but I don't think they mean it," said Percy, thoughtfully.

"That's just their way," replied Rhodri. "They'd do anything for one another. They're always getting each other out of scrapes." He paused before a tall thin wooden door. "Here we are," he said.

By now, Percy was getting quite used to the idea that what lay on the other side of a door might bear no resemblance to whatever he had imagined, but the Toy Testing section took even him by surprise. It was enormous! It was also very very noisy. Gales of laughter from hundreds of Father Christmases echoed through the room. It was as if all the toy sections from every department store or toyshop in the country had all been put together into one huge cave and the spaces filled up with a myriad Santa Clauses.

"Hi, Rhodri!" called a voice above them. "Come and have a go on this! It's tremendous!" As he spoke, the speaker sailed high into the air and came down with a thud on a small trampoline just by Percy. "It's called the Obstacle Bounce – came in on Tuesday. We've got to find out how long it goes before it wears out, but it's going as well as ever and we've been working it all day every day." He scrambled off the trampoline and came over to them.

"Hi Tingle," said Rhodri. "What's it supposed to do? - This is Percy, by the way."

"Cheers Perce," responded Tingle, slapping them both on the back in welcome and guiding them to the far side of the room. "You get in here, and you have to get through the obstacle course to the trampoline without letting any of the balls loose. If you touch anything you shouldn't or release more than three balls you drop into a black pit in the middle." He waved a hand towards a short ladder beside an opening in a kind of tent. "Have a go!"

Toy Testing

"Would you like to go first, Percy?" Rhodri asked, politely.

Percy needed no further encouragement. He was up the ladder in a trice.

Inside the tent the light was just a red glow. Percy blinked as his eyes accustomed themselves to the semi darkness. He could make out a row of silver balls of about the size you use for tennis lined up on his right, in a funnel. Before them was a maze of channels, some leading straight into a large black hole in the centre and some skirting the edge or spiralling around it. Because there were gaps in the inflatable walls that lined these channels if any ball rolled, it risked falling towards the hole. It was rather like the sort of plastic maze that you sometimes find in Christmas crackers with ball bearings in, but on a giant scale. Still, thought Percy, the balls weren't moving, so it should be easy to get across to the other side where the opening to the trampoline was.

He stepped forward. Suddenly the whole surface tipped and Percy found himself lying on his back while a bell swung to and fro clanging above him and the first ball zoomed around a spiral leading down to the horrible hole. Cautiously, he sat up holding carefully to the sides. The floor rocked and swayed beneath him. A second ball edged loose from the funnel and dribbled half way around the upper channel before falling back a metre and stopping.

Percy considered his position. Any movement he made would tip the floor and start the balls rolling. He could try just dashing very quickly over to the other side and hope to get out before the balls fell, or he could try to move the balls to a safer place first. He sat very still and thought. It was probably too far to run across in time. His best chance lay in getting the balls into a safe position. There was an 'L' shaped channel with a dead end on one side not far from where the second ball had come to rest. If he could trap them all in that and then walk around the outside edge on that side his weight would mean that if they rolled out they should fall away from the hole, not towards it. On the other hand, if he walked on the inside edge he would be at the bottom of the 'L' and none should fall out at all...but what if he fell into the horrible hole? What was in the hole anyway, wondered Percy?

Cautiously he moved one hand out and tapped the surface in front of him. The balls in the funnel jostled one another, but didn't roll out. Percy tapped harder. One ball rolled out slowly. Percy watched it, holding his breath. It slid to the side of the channel and then began to roll downhill. Percy bit his lip. "Stop!" he said to it silently, "Please stop!" The ball slithered to the other side and then slowly halted, caught in a small hollow. Percy looked across. The first ball was rolling backwards! It was going to join the other one.

Just as they clanged together, deepening the depression Percy noticed something hanging from above. It was dangling high above the two balls. It looked like just any old strip of metal, but suddenly Percy noticed that as it swung above the balls, they moved just slightly side to side with it. Inspiration struck him! The metal pendulum thing was magnetic!Maybe he could use it to draw the balls to where he wanted them! The trouble was, he couldn't quite reach it without moving and if he moved, the floor would tip....Percy thought hard. Cautiously, trying not to move too much, he felt in his pockets in case there was anything that might help. It was no good. They were empty.

Percy looked around for more ideas. Then his eyes fell on the trainers Nanny Christmas had provided. They were the old fashioned sort with laces in. Very gently he moved one leg, bending his knee until he could just reach his foot. Slowly with care not to jog the floor, he took out the laces and removed one sock. Then he did the same with the other foot.

Rolling the first sock into a ball he took aim and tossed it into the channel by the two balls to block it. It fitted the down channel rather well, considered Percy, but would it hold if both balls rolled heavily against it? Still, it was a start.

Tying the two laces together to make one long one, he fastened one end to part of the second sock, rolled it up, and holding the other end, he threw upwards towards the pendulum.

It missed.

Percy dragged the lace tied sock back and tried again.

This time the sock hit the bar of metal, making it swing violently. The balls rolled to and fro. Percy held his breath. If only they didn't dislodge the first sock and roll down the horrible hole!

Slowly the magnetic pendulum stopped oscillating, and the balls settled down. Percy let out a sigh of relief and threw once more, aiming just a bit higher.

The sock flew into the air just above and beyond the magnet and then flirted back to him as it reached the limit of the lace. "Yes!" breathed Percy to himself.The shoelace was now looped around the string holding the magnet!

Holding both the ends of the laces, Percy carefully pulled the magnet towards himself. He was just about to reach out for it with his hand when he suddenly remembered that Tingle had said: 'If you touch anything you shouldn't...' – Was this something he shouldn't touch? What did 'touch' actually mean ? Did holding it with the shoes laces count? Percy hesitated.

As he did so, there was a thump from somewhere underneath and Tingle's voice called: "Come on, Perce! You've been ages! Hurry up – Grumbo's here and he wants a go!"

Startled, his concentration broken, Percy let slip one end of the laces. The magnetic bar lurched away, swinging violently and turning round and round and upside down. The floor rose and sank, the bell clanged and balls rolled everywhere. Percy groaned in frustration! The magnetic pendulum was now twirling upside down right over the horrible hole!

Then he looked again....and again – the balls hadn't fallen in! They were swirling round and round just above the hole, but they weren't falling. Percy was puzzled. Why weren't they falling?

He stared at the pendulum and the circling balls. Then his face cleared. Of course! The pendulum and the balls were magnetic! When the bar turned upside down it would repel instead of attract, so the balls were all being pushed away from the middle where the horrible hole was! They couldn't fall in so long as the magnet stayed there. Quickly Percy grabbed his shoes and socks and ran barefoot across the undulating floor to the hole by the trampoline and jumped out. Bouncing off, he turned to the waiting Father Christmases:

"Your turn, Grumbo," he said, nonchalantly.

"Wow!" remarked Rhodri in admiration. "You only dropped one! Tingle said everyone falls into the black hole first time round."

"How did you do it?" asked Tingle, curiously.

"Easy," said Percy, grinning. "I used my shoelaces."

"Yes, but how?" Tingle persisted.

"Here comes Grumbo!" announced Rhodri as the bell rang followed by a huge slurping splashing noise from under the tent as a very wet and grimy Grumbo clambered heavily out of the tank of dark green slime underneath.

"I wondered what was in the horrible hole," remarked Percy.

"Well now you know," said Grumbo, shaking his beard and emptying a slithery puddle of slime out of his left wellington boot.

"Mind out!" said Tingle, jumping to one side. "That nearly went on my leg!"

"Have a towel," offered Rhodri, passing it to Grumbo. "Did the rope break?"

"What rope," growled Grumbo, rubbing vigorously.

"Well, Tingle said there was a rope you can use to swing across by so that you don't tip the floor?"

"No rope when I was there," stated Grumbo. "Just a bit of string with an iron bar on the end. It wouldn't have supported a squirrel."

"I didn't see a rope either," said Percy.

"Tingle!" said Grumbo and Rhodri simultaneously.

"Well, it was a bit _too_ easy before," said Tingle, defensively. "You wanted a challenge, didn't you?"

"Do you want to try the new Spider-wars game?" asked Rhodri hastily, turning to Percy, as Tingle fled down the room hotly pursued by a squelching Grumbo wearing one wellington and waving the other with ferocious intent.

"You choose the kind of web you want and then aim at a suitable corner," explained Rhodri, "-like this." He pressed the trigger on the web-maker gun.From out of the nozzle came a fine thread that flew against the wall and stuck there. Rhodri moved the lever from side to side and round and round, and as he did so a fine spider web appeared on the wall.

"It looks real!" said Percy, admiringly.

"Wait a moment for it to set properly and then you can put one of these on."Rhodri selected a large hairy spider with glowing red eyes from a box before them."Now," he added, passing a small control box with several buttons on to Percy, "you take that one."

Rhodri then created a second web, this time providing it with a green eyed spider with hugely long thin legs. "The idea is that you have to try and capture your opponent's web," he explained. "The box is a remote control for your spider. The side levers move it left right and up and down, but if you press the middle button it can make a web itself to trap any other spider. "

Percy pressed the left button. The red eyed spider moved menacingly across the web towards Rhodri's green eyed one. Rhodri moved his forward. Percy was very close now! Suddenly the green eyed spider fired a stream of thread between the two webs and began to move across! Percy's spider moved in to do battle. Percy pressed the middle button. Thread flew out towards the green eyed spider, but it was too low. Rhodri dodged and entered Percy's web, circling behind red-eye. Then suddenly, before Percy could escape, a stream of web encircled his spider!

"Come on, let's have another go!" said Percy, undeterred.

"Let me make my web first!" said Grumbo's voice, behind him.

Half an hour later the wall was festooned with broken webs and the score stood at Percy 2, Grumbo 1 and Rhodri 3. A slightly disgruntled Grumbo decided it was time to move on.

"What else is new?" he asked.

"There's the Wobble Bike," offered Rhodri. "That came in last week."

"Right," said Grumbo. "We'll try it."

"But you haven't filled in the assessment forms for Spider-wars or the Obstacle Bounce yet!" protested Rhodri. Grumbo lifted his eyes to the ceiling:

"No time," he declared."You can fill them in for us if you like." Rhodri sighed:

"You know I'm not supposed to," he said, mildly.

"Yes," responded Grumbo impatiently, "but you _like_ paperwork and I don't. Besides," he added in a mollifying tone, "-you can spell and I can't, so there's really no point at all in me filling them in because no-one can understand them when I do."

"I don't mind filling them in," offered Percy, "- though my spelling's not very good either."

"They're very easy," said Rhodri, picking up a pile of sheets from a nearby shelf and passing a couple to Percy with a pen. Grumbo sighed and put out his hand for one.

"If I must, I must," he said. "You're both as bad as Rudolph!"

Grumbo's Form

Once Grumbo had finished chewing the end of his pen and had filled in at least one form, he eyed the Wobble Bike. It looked much the same as any other, with 2 wheels and handlebars just as usual.

"Can't see anything special about this," he declared. "The seat looks very slippery though -you haven't let Tingle near it, have you?" he added, suspiciously.

"Honestly, Grumbo!" said Rhodri. "Anyone would think you were afraid of Tingle!"

"Me! Afraid! Don't be ridiculous!" asserted Grumbo, affronted at the suggestion. He seized the bike and jumping on it, set off at a furious pace down the room. He'd managed about ten metres when the bike began to shake from side to side.

Rhodri watched with horror. "You're only supposed to ride it on the special track!" he explained to Percy. "It's padded for when you fall off."

Grumbo was clinging on, pedalling as fast as he could, but the bike didn't seem to be moving forwards as it should. The faster he pedalled, the more it shook. Grumbo was desperately trying to balance himself to avoid falling. Then the front wheel rose into the air. Grumbo lurched forwards, trying to avoid sliding off the back of the seat. As he did so, the bike reversed and the front wheel came down, only for the back one to rise up. Hastily Grumbo leaned back. Immediately the front wheel rose again and the whole bike somersaulted into the air, depositing Grumbo heavily on the floor.

"Aaghh!" came a noise from the red heap on the floor. "Aaagh!"

"Oh dear!" said Rhodri anxiously. "Perhaps I'd better get Nanny or Father Edmund?"

"He's alive, anyway," said Percy, practically.

Grumbo glared at him balefully through one eye from his position on the floor. Then he slowly got to his feet. "I do NOT need Nanny," he stated.

Rhodri looked at his watch: "I think its time for a hot chocolate and lemonade tea break," he said diplomatically. "You must be thirsty, Percy?"

"Not really," began Percy, who was itching for a go on the Wobble Bike himself. . "-Chocolate would be great though!" he amended hastily as Rhodri winked at him and looked in Grumbo's direction.

"No lemonade in it?" asked Rhodri watching as Grumbo inspected the bike for signs of Tingle. "Don't you like lemonade?"

"You mean you put lemonade in the hot chocolate?" queried Percy in surprise.

"Well, it's not as simple as that," explained Rhodri. "There's a special manufacturing process they use, but it tastes a bit like a sort of fizzy lemon sweet with a chocolate middle, only you drink it and it's hot. It's quite delicious."

"Wow!" said Percy. Grumbo grinned.

"We'll get you an extra large one with a marshmallow in," he promised, "but you have to ride the Wobble Bike all the way down the track without falling off first!"

"OK!" said Percy. He wheeled the bike to the start of the track and climbed on, eying the track, which circled half way around the top end of the room, very carefully. It looked simple enough. He began to pedal, very gingerly, feeling for any strange movement the bike might make. The bike moved forward. Then quite suddenly it decided to go backwards. Grumbo and Rhodri hastily moved out of the way. Not deterred, Percy began to pedal backwards. The bike jumped forwards. Then he stopped pedalling and let it free wheel, holding on very tightly. It was as well he did, because the seat suddenly tipped up. Percy hung on and pedalled a few yards forward. Then, just as he felt the bike change to reverse, he changed to reverse pedalling again. The bike carried on forward. After that it was fairly simple. Percy realised that the bike always waited until you had done something for a bit and then it did the opposite. If you pedalled forwards, after a moment it would go backwards, but if you pedalled backwards instead, it would start to go forwards; if you leaned forward in the seat, it would tip backwards and vice versa. If you pedalled fast, it would go so slowly you would probably fall off like Grumbo, so Percy pedalled rather slowly and carefully. If he leaned even a tiny bit to the left, the bike tilted to the right, and if he moved to the right it jerked over to the left which was a bit confusing.

Percy concentrated hard. It felt a bit like trying to write backwards using the wrong hand. He was trying so hard to ignore the shouts of advice from Grumbo and Rhodri that he almost fell off as he rounded the corner, but he righted himself just in time, but the bike had one final trick up its sleeve. Just as Percy was almost at the end of the track, it began to jump. Percy couldn't quite work out what the reverse of jumping might be, but he held tight, stood on the pedals and jumped too. With one final leap, the bike took him over the end of the track! A spontaneous burst of clapping spread out across the room from all the Father Christmases as Percy, rather shakily, dismounted.

"Well!" said Grumbo, "that was impressive!"

"You're the first person to get to the end," added Rhodri, admiringly. Percy beamed.

"Right," said Grumbo, "time for chocolate lemonade!"

### Chapter 11 - What is a Chief Father Christmas Like?

Percy was sitting in Upper Teatime finishing a second delicious chocolate lemonade with Grumbo and Rhodri, when Smithers appeared panting at his side.

"Message for Percy," he gasped. "The CFC wants to see him." He sat down heavily beside them and eyed their drinks enviously. "It took me ages to find you! Is that chocolate lemonade?"

"Yes," said Grumbo, "-want some?"

"But aren't you on a diet?" asked Rhodri. "Are you sure you ought to have any? It's very fattening."

"Yes," said Smithers, sadly. "I'm not allowed until I can get up the purple chimney without getting stuck."

"Exercise! That's what you need," announced Grumbo, heartily, slurping the last of his drink and using his finger to spoon up the remains of a melted marshmallow from the side of his mug before licking it. "Come on, you can help us show Percy the way to the CFC's office."

"OK, but I need to sit down for a bit first to catch my breath," said Smithers, defensively.

"We shall take the scenic route around Munchit Green, Little Snacking, Lower Luncheon and Supperton," stated Grumbo, firmly.

"But it's miles and miles that way!" complained Smithers.

"Exactly!" declared Grumbo, "-and we don't want to keep the CFC waiting, do we, so we're going to run – all the way!"

"Don't worry," added Rhodri, reassuringly "-we won't go too fast." Grumbo looked at him witheringly.

"Percy will be able to see some of the bits he missed before if we go that way. – You wouldn't want him to miss out, would you Smithers?" Grumbo added cheerfully. "Besides, its for your own good!"

"Why does the CFC want to see me?" asked Percy, anxiously. It sounded alarmingly like being summoned to see the headmaster. "I haven't done anything wrong, have I?"

Grumbo glanced at him: "Nothing to worry about, Percy. He always makes sure he has a chat to any visitors before they leave. That's all it is. You'll like him. Everyone does."

In spite of Grumbo's reassuring words, Percy's heart was thumping as they set off down the long corridors, Grumbo jogging ahead and Smithers bringing up the rear, breathing noisily as he struggled along. Those words 'before they leave' seemed to be hanging in the pit of his stomach. Of course it couldn't go on for ever. He knew that, really he did. It was only a tour. Only the thought of going back to his little dark room and worse, back to school, was dreadful! If only he could stay! If only he could train to be a Father Christmas! He wasn't old enough though. He knew he wasn't old enough. He'd have to finish school first.

He thought uncomfortably of what his father might say if he said he wanted to become a Father Christmas when he was grown up. Percy wasn't sure what his parents would like him to be, but he was fairly certain that Father Christmas was not on their list. He decided not to think about it. He'd just enjoy what was left of his tour. It was no use hoping for something impossible.

Despite the two chocolate lemonades that seemed to be still fizzing in his stomach, he found he was easily able to keep up. Up and down, corridor after corridor, village after village, they went, until at last they reached another of the arched wooden doors and Grumbo drew to a halt. 'CFC up' was painted on the door in simple plain gold letters.

"Well, here we are Percy," announced Grumbo, as Smithers finally caught up with them and collapsed into a panting heap on the stone floor, red in the face and gasping like an overworked coffee machine. "This is where we leave you. Just go through the door and the lift will take you up automatically. We'll see you later." And with that he and Rhodri bent to haul the still speechless Smithers to his feet, and Percy cautiously opened the arched door. He suddenly felt very alone.

*****

As the door closed behind him, Percy found he was standing in a tiny hexagonal room with pictures painted on each of its six sides. It didn't look like any lift Percy had ever seen before. He was just wondering if there were any buttons he had to press, when he felt the floor rising. Moments later it stopped and one of the pictures slid back to allow him to step out.

Percy looked around. He was in the centre of a large and very strangely shaped open space. Above him was a large dome shaped roof, and surrounding him were six long alcoves spreading out from the centre like the petals of a flower. The alcoves all seemed to be quite different from one another. Percy wondered what he should do as there didn't seem to be anybody about. He wandered towards the alcove directly in front. It had dust sheets with blobs of paint all over the floor. Mixed with a smell of wet paint there was a sort of spicy smell that reminded him of Mrs Doggett's fruit cake. As he entered it a small elderly man in paint spattered overalls came down from a step ladder carrying a brush.

Nick the Painter

"What do you think?" he asked, gesturing at the ceiling. "I wasn't sure about that metallic paint myself."

Percy looked up. The roof of the alcove was a deep midnight blue and on it twinkled small stars in gold and silver. "It's just like the sky!" he exclaimed. "Did you paint those?"

The small man nodded almost shyly. "I like painting," he said. "Do you really think it's good? You don't think there're too many stars?"

"I think it's wonderful!" declared Percy truthfully.

"This one's Winter," explained the small painter. "Each alcove is decorated to match their names, Autumn, Spring, Summer, May and that one's Tuesday. I'm very partial to Tuesday. Such a satisfactory sort of day, neither at the beginning nor at the end, so it's all middle. You could do anything on a Tuesday."

"I suppose you could on a Wednesday too," said Percy, thoughtfully, "- or even a Thursday."

"Yes," responded the small man, "but they don't sound as nice. They're not the beginning of the middle, like Tuesday is. It's like the first good bite into the centre of a delicious sandwich when you're really hungry. By the time you reach Thursday the flavour is never quite so good. Monday, I always think is the corner of the crust, the bit that the butter and filling has missed."

"Why is one alcove called 'May'," asked Percy, who felt that this question might be simpler than asking any more about Tuesday.

"Why not? It's Nanny's first name and even Grumbo can spell it! May' is such a glorious green sort of month – I painted it full of trees in new leaf - come and take a look."

Percy followed him into a space full of soft green light where the walls seemed alive with young trees and new grass and the ceiling was a sky of the lightest clear blue. It was like finding yourself suddenly enjoying the most beautiful warm Spring day. He could have sworn the leaves were moving in a light breeze, except that he knew it wasn't possible.

You don't fancy playing a computer game while the paint dries, do you?" asked the decorator. "There's a new one on the PC in Tuesday."

"I'm supposed to be waiting for the Chief Father Christmas," said Percy hesitantly, "so I'm not sure I should. He sent for me you see. You don't know where he is, do you?"

"Oh he's not far away," said the small man cheerfully, wiping paint from his hands onto a dirty rag and dropping the brush into a jar of paint cleaner. "He won't mind. Come on! – I'm Nick, by the way."

"Percy," said Percy, shaking Nick's hand politely and hoping that any paint he picked up wouldn't show when he met the CFC.

"Each of us is a detective," Nick explained, switching on the computer, "-and we have to solve a major crime using the clues. There are various things to help you, like a magnifying glass, a fingerprint kit and some disguises for under cover work, and so on. You can have up to 3 assistants too, but you have to win them first, and you can lose them again if you fall foul of the Chief Constable by not solving minor crimes as you go. The one to get the right villains first wins."

It was nearly as good as playing with Will in the old days, thought Percy, notching up two forgers and a jewel thief. Nick the painter really threw himself into the game. He'd picked up the drug smuggler before Percy even had time to work out who he was, but then he lost points by not stopping to book Percy for a parking offence. He was hard to beat, thought Percy.

It was several games later that Percy suddenly remembered with a start about seeing the CFC. He jumped up.

"I nearly forgot!" he said alarmed. I'm supposed to see the CFC. He sent for me!"

The small man smiled: "So he did and so you have," he said.

Percy stared at him. "But...," he said, "- you mean...?"

"Yes," said the small man simply. "I'm the CFC."

"But, I thought you were the decorator!" said Percy in horror. "You said your name was Nick!"

"It is," said the CFC," smiling. "It seemed a pity to explain as you were so anxious about meeting me. Besides, I am the decorator, so you were quite right!" Percy sat down again, slowly:

"I thought, well, I thought you'd be, sort of, very important, with robes and things - you know."

"And now you don't think I'm 'very important'," asked the CFC, smiling.

"Oh, I don't mean you're not important!" added Percy hastily. "Only you're quite ordinary. – At least, I don't mean that you're ordinary, but...you _seem_ ordinary."

"I am ordinary," said the CFC. "I couldn't be good at my job if I wasn't, because you see, all those people out there and all those children waiting for Christmas, they're ordinary too. I have to understand them, and I couldn't do that if I wasn't like them."

"I suppose so," said Percy, thoughtfully. "But all this!"He waved his hand around the amazing room with its fantastic paintings. "You must be extraordinary, too!"

The CFC laughed. "All Father Christmases are a bit extraordinary. But, Percy, I have a very important question to ask you." Percy looked at him, puzzled. "It's a very ordinary question," the CFC assured him: "-what do you want for Christmas?"

Thoughts crowded into Percy's head all at once: he wanted some chocolate; he wanted a huge bar of toffee; he wanted to go back to his old school; he wanted to make Damien and his gang really grovel; he wanted to climb trees with Will; he wanted to give his mother something she'd like for Christmas; he wanted things to be right again -how they used to be; he wanted Mrs Doggett to come and do the cooking; he wanted to be a Father Christmas and live here for ever; he wanted to show Miss Carbuncle that he wasn't useless; he wanted to give his father a room to shout in; he wanted never to feel lonely again; he wanted a friend. Only he knew most of it wasn't possible. You can never go back, he thought, sadly.

"I think I got all that," the CFC declared, scribbling busily on the sleeve of his overalls with a stump of pencil.

"But I didn't say anything!" protested Percy, coming out of his reverie in surprise.

"Your mouth didn't," remarked the CFC, "-but your face said a great deal."

"I think I was going to say that I'd like a surprise," Percy said, lamely.

"Oh, I think I can promise you that!" chuckled the CFC as a grinding groaning noise came from the centre of the room. "Listen - there's the lift struggling with Grumbo – or is it Grumbo struggling with the lift? I never quite know."

The sound of someone singing 'Good King Wenceslas' vigorously but erratically drifted from the little hexagon, accompanied by the noise of grinding gears. Percy thought the words didn't seem quite right, and the tune seemed to be turning into 'I Saw Three Ships' at intervals. After a second, Grumbo emerged from the lift, with a final enthusiastic 'gathering winter fu..,u...el'. He winked at Percy and looked across at the computer: "Who won?" he enquired.

"Percy did," said the CFC.

"Nick did," said Percy, simultaneously and rather shyly.

The CFC laughed : "Three all, Grumbo. I got the drug smuggler, though! You'd better take him away before he learns to beat me every time." He sniffed the air: "Grumbo, you've been pinching chocolate mints out of the stockings again!" Grumbo looked a little shamefaced.

"What did you put in instead this time?" asked the CFC. "Not sprouts again?"

"It was only one stocking!" protested Grumbo. "I put in an exercise DVD. It'll be much better for her," he added hopefully.

The CFC looked at Percy. "I think there's only one thing to be done!" he declared. "Hand them over, Grumbo!"

Grumbo rummaged deeply in his pockets and after unloading a battered spinning top, three juggling balls, a sock with a large hole, a rather crumbled piece of ginger biscuit, a length of string with two knots in, a small remote controlled car, a catapult and a hibernating tortoise, reluctantly produced a brown and green box smelling strongly of mint, and maybe a little of tortoise. "Ah," said the CFC, counting the contents. "Twelve left – that's six for me and six for Percy.

"But it's not fair!" said Percy, "-what about the person who was going to get the stocking?"

"I see what you mean," said Grumbo, earnestly. "Mrs Parsons is losing out. He's quite right, CFC. I've already eaten quite a few, so if there's twelve left, that makes four for you, four for Percy and four for Mrs Parsons."

"No, no, no!" declared Nick, popping one into his mouth. "We can't put chocolates loose in the stocking – they'd get squashed. Six for me and six for Percy. Put two apples and a satsuma in instead. We can't have the poor woman getting fat. It's our duty to see that she's healthy!" – He unwrapped another mint. The tortoise, disturbed from hibernation, opened his eyes and blinked.

"Come on, Percy!" said Grumbo. "You're not eating your share! Nick will have them all if you let him. Nanny keeps him on a diet you see."

"She does too!" said the CFC ruefully. "And chocolate mints aren't on it! Bran flakes and porridge mostly. Quite right, Grumbo. Take them away Percy!"

A little shyly, Percy picked up six mints and put them in his pocket.

"We'd better hurry, I'm afraid," said Grumbo, scooping up the tortoise who had begun to amble in the direction of Nick's paint tin, and dropping him in his pocket. "The time loop runs out soon."

"Happy Christmas, Percy," said the CFC, smiling.

"Happy Christmas," said Percy, "- and thank you for everything! It's been fantastic!"

### Chapter 12 – Going Back

There was quite a crowd waiting by the sledge to wave Percy off when he and Grumbo finally arrived.

"You'll need these, Percy dear," said Nanny, handing him a bulky parcel wrapped in Christmas paper. "It's just your old pyjamas, but I've put in a few spare socks in case. -Now mind you look after him," she added, turning to Grumbo and glaring at him fiercely.

"Yes, Nanny," replied Grumbo, meekly.

"Thanks, Nanny," said Percy in embarrassment as the little old lady stood on tiptoe to give him a quick hug and a peck on the cheek.

"I hope we will see you again one day, Percy, and I trust this will be of some educational value to you," said Miss MacGrammar, very formally, handing him a small extremely neatly wrapped packet. "Peruse it carefully." Percy could hear Grumbo's indrawn breath behind him as he took it.

"Thank you Miss MacGrammar!" said Percy, almost as startled as Grumbo. "I'm sure it will be most interesting," he added politely, trying not to listen to the muffled snort of derision coming from Tingle.

"I thought you might like these," offered Smithers, producing a large box of assorted toffees. "It's a sort of thank you. – Father Edmund says I shall be able to climb the purple chimney by the end of the week if I carry on!" he finished proudly.

"They look delicious!" Percy said truthfully.

"I, I, er, felt you might enjoy this," said Rhodri, giving him a carefully wrapped box. "You can open it later."

"Thanks Rhodri!"

"And I got you this." Father Edmund rolled forward in his chair and passed over a small round bundle. "I thought it might remind you of a few things. Open it when you're home."

"Thanks! " said Percy, his arms full, clutching at the pile of presents which were in grave danger of falling.

"Here, Perce, you need a hand," remarked Tingle, steadying the heap and placing yet another gift on top with his other hand. "One from me- enjoy!"

"Come on, come on!" said Grumbo impatiently. "We can't stand here all day gossiping! Percy has to get back!"

"Thanks everyone!" said Percy, climbing into the sledge. "It's been so wonderful I can hardly believe it!" and he bent his head as though he was busy arranging the presents on the seat and bit his lip hard. Grumbo glanced quickly at him and then shook the reins impatiently:

"Come on Rudolph! We haven't got all day."

"Cheers, Perce," shouted Tingle as the sledge swung out into the night. Percy turned to wave, but they were travelling so fast that already the little group had become nothing but a tiny red blur on the horizon.

He tried not to think too much about going back. It wasn't an enticing prospect. Would they really be back in time for breakfast, and how would he explain all the new clothes and presents to his mother?

"I'd be careful how you open that parcel from Tingle," remarked Grumbo, breaking in on his thoughts.

"Why, what's in it?" asked Percy.

"You never know with Tingle," said Grumbo darkly. "I didn't like the way he placed it on the top of the pile just before we left." Percy looked at him: "It was as if he thought it might explode or something," explained Grumbo.

"Well it hasn't done yet," said Percy, glancing at the packet with new unease. His father might get rather angry if he bought a bomb home, he thought with foreboding. Not that he'd ever done it before, but he sensed somehow that bombs in the bedroom might be one of the many things his father didn't approve of. "Perhaps we'd better open it now," he suggested anxiously. "It might be safer than waiting." Grumbo brightened.

Cautiously, Percy picked up the parcel. It wasn't very heavy. "Do you think we ought, though?" he asked, hesitating. "Maybe I should wait for Christmas day?"

"Nonsense," stated Grumbo robustly. "Tingle wouldn't wait if it was him," he added confidently. He watched as Percy removed the silver cord and began carefully to pull back the paper to reveal a bright red cube underneath..

Suddenly the top of the cube exploded open like a jack in the box! Percy jumped backwards. A giant spider sat slowly revolving on the top with a small envelope attached to each of its eight legs. Percy leaned forward again and read the nearest envelope. 'Red Hand Soap – put this white soap in the bathroom and everyone will come out red-handed!' it said.

Grumbo peered at the next envelope: " Inflatable Wobble Ball – never flies true!" he read.

"This one's a 'Disappearing 5 pence trick'" , said Percy, grinning.

"There's one of those rope tricks where the knots magically dissolve too," added Grumbo, eagerly. "I've always wanted one of those!"

"I'm going to put it away until Christmas," said Percy. "You see. You were wrong about Tingle. It's a great present." He put a hand on the spider and began to push it back into the box. A huge jet of icy cold water shot out of its mouth and hit Grumbo right in the face. Percy collapsed into helpless laughter.

"I told you he wasn't to be trusted!" shouted Grumbo, shaking water off his beard. Then he too began to laugh. "You're right, " he said, "it's a great present. Typical Tingle!"

Percy was quiet for a while after he re-packed the spider. He was thinking about the differences between home and the FC Training School. ' I'll remember it,' he thought to himself. ' I'll remember it all, always. Whatever happens, it'll always be there, and one day...one day, maybe, I'll be able to go back.'

"You never know what's around the corner," remarked Grumbo kindly, as the chimney of Percy's house loomed up through the snow. "Oh, yes," he added, rummaging in his copious pockets. "I nearly forgot. This is for you. I haven't wrapped it up, I'm afraid. It kept walking across the table when I tried to tie the ribbon, but I thought it would probably be quite happy in your bedroom for now, and they don't eat much, just a bit of grass and dandelions and stuff, so your parents don't need to know. Happy Christmas!"He handed Percy the sleepy tortoise.

"Thanks, Grumbo!" Percy said appreciatively, stroking the tortoise who had popped his head out. "Thanks for everything!

"These are from me," said Rudolph's voice, and he bent his head and dropped a small bag from one antler. "Just grass and dandelions indeed! What kind of a Christmas dinner is that for a tortoise?" A brussel sprout rolled out of the bag.

"Thanks, Rudolph! That's really kind!"

"See you again Percy," and Rudolph winked one eye as Percy climbed onto the roof.

"Don't forget what the CFC said!" called Grumbo, and with that the sleigh whirled upwards and Percy's last sight was of Grumbo clutching on desperately as Rudolph did a series of spectacular loops through the night, finally zooming vertically upwards until Percy could see them no longer.

Home Again

### Chapter 13 – Percy Alone

Percy peered anxiously at his bedside clock. It was ten minutes past four and all was quiet and dark, apart from the heavy snorting grunting sound coming through the wall, which was the usual noise of his father sleeping. He placed the gifts carefully inside his wardrobe, closed the door gently, put the tortoise into an old box, climbed into bed and fell asleep.

It seemed hardly a moment before he woke again. It was daylight. He could hear his father downstairs, shouting, and his mother protesting: "But we can't leave him!"

Leave who, he wondered, sleepily? Then his brain alerted as he heard his own name. He scrambled out of bed and put his ear to the floor.

"He'll be perfectly alright on his own for a few days. You've written to Lucy. She'll see to him. Don't fuss so, woman!"

"But I didn't think we'd be going so soon! Not today!" protested his mother.

Percy got dressed. It was nearly time for school anyway.

Downstairs his mother was sobbing over a bowl of cornflakes and his father was hauling two suitcases out to the car.

"Oh Percy! My little boy! My baby!" Percy submitted unwillingly to a vast sloppy embrace and decided that the soot on his sheets was unlikely to be noticed.

"Percy, you're going to be on your own for a short time," announced his father bluntly, coming back inside. "Your mother and I have to go away."

"But Auntie Lucy will come soon, darling. You will be alright, won't you?"

"Of course I will," said Percy, detaching himself and pouring the milk. "Where are you going?"

"Scotland," announced his father firmly. "Your Great Uncle Gordon is seriously ill in the Outer Hebrides."

"Oh," said Percy, looking round for the bread and trying to remember who Great Uncle Gordon was, and wondering what bit of the body the Outer Hebrides was and if it hurt much. It was probably the medical name for one of the bits his mother insisted he shouldn't ever mention, he decided.

"I expect Auntie Lucy will take you to stay with her," added his mother, blowing her nose loudly on a pink tissue and looking at him sadly.

"Get in the car, Maria, and stop wasting time snivelling. Percy, if anyone should call for me _if necessary_ you may give them the address in the book by the phone. Your Aunt should arrive tomorrow." With that Mr Proudworthy hustled his sobbing wife outside and slammed the door shut. Percy finished his toast and wondered about Aunt Lucy. He hoped she wasn't the aunt with cross eyes and the red drippy nose as he didn't think she would be much fun, but he couldn't remember any others. Then he looked at the clock and realised he was already late for school. Gloom descended on him. Then he brightened. It was still Friday, the last day of term! No-one would bother if he didn't turn up and best of all, his father would never know!

Percy stuck his breakfast dishes in the sink and went upstairs. He took his presents out of the wardrobe and lined them up on the bed and looked at them. Then he lifted them up in turn and shook them gently and tried to guess what was inside. A snuffling noise from inside the old box in the wardrobe reminded him that the tortoise was still in there. He lifted it out carefully and put it on the floor.

"And about time too!" it remarked. "Don't I get any breakfast in this place?"

"You can talk!" gasped Percy.

"Nothing remarkable in that," said the tortoise. "So can you, and you're just a human. Now, about this breakfast, I prefer dandelions for starters or a little hawkweed if you've got it and just a touch of red fescue for afters."

"Er, I'm not sure," said Percy. "Er, Perhaps if I take you outside you can see if there's anything you fancy. It's a bit cold though."

"Always the same, always the same," muttered the tortoise. " Go out in the snow and get your own breakfast – I might get chilblains or hypothermia -no one cares!"

"Oh, er, I've got some sprouts Rudolph gave me," said Percy hastily, "-and I think there's some carrots and lettuce in the fridge?"

"I suppose that'll do for now," said the tortoise, gloomily.

*****

Percy had quite a good day. He had a long chat to the tortoise who turned out to be called Wesley, uncovered some dandelions beneath the snow for him and made him a comfy bed in the box with some old papers. After several leaves, a bit of lettuce and part of one of his mother's pot plants, Wesley became almost cheerful. The pot plant looked a bit ragged, but Percy hoped it might grow back before his mother got home. He made beans and oven chips for his dinner and Wesley went to sleep on the bits of pink newspaper. It was just a bit scary going to bed in the house on his own that night, but at least things were getting a bit more exciting in his life, thought Percy as he snuggled down.

In the morning it was cold. The central heating had stopped working. Percy stayed in bed for a while and then got dressed as quickly as possible without bothering about things like washing or changing his socks. He had just given Wesley a brussel sprout and made some toast to warm himself up when there was a tremendous thundering on the door. "Police – open up!" called a voice.

Percy, alarmed, wondered what he had done and if they had found out about him not going to school the day before.

"Oh," said the burly policeman looking down as Percy anxiously opened the door. "Is your dad in, son?"

"No, but it was the last day of term," said Percy. The policeman looked puzzled.

"Can we come in," he said. Percy held the door open. Five large policemen marched in.

"Mum about?" enquired the first policeman.

"No," said Percy. "They've both gone to see Great Uncle Gordon. It was only one day," he added. "I've been the whole of the rest of the term, honestly!" A smile of enlightenment creased the policeman's face.

"Ah," he said. "You've been playing truant from school have you? - And you thought we'd come to take you away?" There was a burst of laughter from the other four men. "Well I think we can overlook it just this once, but don't let it happen again! Now, when did your mum and dad go, and do you have an address for Great Uncle Gordon?"

"They went yesterday morning," said Percy, relieved that he was not to be arrested. He went to the book by the phone. "The address is in here."

"Lochmaddy, Outer Hebrides," read the policeman making a kitchen chair creak as he sat down. "They've gone a long way then. When did they say they would be coming back, and who's looking after you?"

"I don't know," said Percy, "but my Aunt Lucy's supposed to be coming."

"Ever met your Great Uncle or your Aunt Lucy?" asked the burly policeman.

"No," said Percy. "I don't think so."

"Right," said the burly policeman, and he lifted his eyebrows and nodded to one of the other men.

"OK boss, I'll get onto Social Services now," said the man and disappeared through the door. Percy began to feel alarmed.

"What's your name son?" asked the first policeman. Percy told him. "OK, Percy. There's nothing for you to worry about, but we have to search the house. The best thing is for you to go up to your room and stay there for now. Alright?"

"OK," said Percy miserably, picking up Wesley and carrying him upstairs to his icy bedroom. He wondered what was going to happen to him now. Downstairs there was a lot of banging and noise going on. He could hear two of the men talking:

"Poor kid. Just look at the place! Not a decoration in sight, freezing cold and they've jumped ship and left him on his own at Christmas. You wouldn't treat a dog like that."

"I wouldn't fancy Christmas in a kids' home either myself."

"Do you reckon they have gone to Scotland?"

"No- It's just a trick to fool us. They'll be on a plane to somewhere nice and cosy and far away. I bet Aunt Lucy and Uncle Gordon don't exist."

Percy sat by the window and wondered if they would let him keep Wesley in the children's home and what would happen if he ran away. He felt very unhappy. Then a car pulled up outside and a woman in a red suit got out holding a large briefcase. She had black rimmed glasses and Percy thought she looked bad tempered. She definitely didn't look as if she was fond of tortoises. He sighed.

"Miss Grimsludge, Social Services," she announced briskly. "I'm here to collect Percival."Percy's heart sank.

"Just bear with us a moment, Miss Grimsludge," said the large policeman. "Percy's upstairs, but he'll need to pack his stuff and we'll need to check it before it leaves the house I'm afraid. Perhaps if you take a seat you can fill in your paperwork first."

"There is absolutely no point in wasting time," declared Miss Grimsludge, crossly. The boy can come straight back with me."

"Hang on, hang on," said the policeman. "The kid doesn't even know he's going yet! We need to break it to him gently. He thinks his Auntie's collecting him."

"A short sharp break, that's what's needed in these cases," announced Miss Grimsludge firmly, lifting her chin. "All this emotional shilly shallying is quite unnecessary!"

Just then there was a squeal of brakes and a loud thud from outside as a small red car backed, with a slightly too enthusiastic flourish, into the space by Miss Grimsludge's shiny smart silver grey saloon.

### Chapter 14 Aunt Lucy

Percy looked out of the window to see what had happened. A short dumpy woman in a blue knitted hat appeared from the red car. She and a furious Miss Grimsludge met face to face at the door.

"My car! My new car!" exclaimed Miss Grimsludge in anguish.

"Only the bumper," retorted the woman in the blue hat waving cheerfully. "Nothing to worry about. Now where's Percy?"

"But I only bought it last week! You've damaged it! It'll never be the same!"

"Nonsense," said the blue-hatted woman. "It still goes, doesn't it? That's what a car's for, you know – just to get you from A to B. I don't think there's even a scratch. Now, I need to find Percy."

"Shut up about Percy!" screamed Miss Grimsludge. "I don't care about Percy! He's only a boy! What about my car?"

"Percy!" called the blue-hatted woman. "Are you in there somewhere?" Percy started down the stairs.

"You're a witness!" announced Miss Grimsludge, grabbing the burly policeman who had come to see what all the fuss was. "She's crashed into my car!"

"Can't see any damage," said the policeman, inspecting it. " I wouldn't worry about it if I were you." He turned to the lady in the blue hat: "Might you be Percy's Aunt Lucy?"

"That's right," said the blue-hatted lady calmly taking off her woolly gloves. His mother wrote to me. Any opportunity to rescue him from awful Edwin, I thought, so I came straight here."

"Ah," said the policeman. "She didn't by any chance say where they were going?"

"Well," said Aunt Lucy, "- she _said_ they were going to see Edwin's Uncle Gordon in Scotland because he was dying, but I expect that's just what Edwin told her. I'm afraid my sister is a very silly woman. The Edwin I knew didn't do sick visiting. -I suppose it's fraud again is it? " The policeman nodded. Aunt Lucy, unperturbed, smiled at Percy who was now standing at the bottom of the stairs. "Hello, Percy!" she said, inspecting him speculatively. "At least you don't look like your father, so that's one blessing. You must have been wondering what was going to happen next?"

"A bit," said Percy, shyly, deciding that this new aunt looked a whole lot better than Miss Grimsludge.

"Right," announced Aunt Lucy. "Well, it's been a long journey from Wales so I'm going to put the kettle on. Have you got any biscuits. Percy?

"There's two in the tin. I accidentally dropped them on the floor last night so they might be a bit fluffy and one broke, but I don't think Wesley nibbled them much," replied Percy.

"Never mind," said Aunt Lucy. "I didn't know what I was going to find here and so I came prepared with a few presents for Maria in case, but as she's left, we may as well enjoy them. Here, Percy – there's a box in my car boot. Can you carry it in for me?" She tossed him a set of keys, and went into the kitchen.

By the time Percy had struggled back in with the large cardboard box, all five policemen were sitting cheerfully round the table with mugs of hot tea. He looked around nervously to see where Miss Grimsludge was.

"She's gone," stated Aunt Lucy briskly. "She said she didn't drink tea so I told her she'd better go and buy whatever she does drink at the Red Lion. I don't think she'll be back. Now let's see.." she delved into the box. "- Yes, I thought I'd put some in. Have a welsh cake. They're better warm with a little butter and sugar, but this will do for now."

*****

"Well, remarked Aunt Lucy when the policemen had gone back to their search, "I had a feeling that you didn't want to go with Miss Grimsludge, so would you like to come and live with me and your Uncle Gethin and Jack until your mother gets back? Jack is the same age as you and I think you'll get on with each other. He'd like some company. He'd have come with me today only Bess, our sheepdog, was having puppies so he thought he'd better stay with her. You'll have to change schools, though," she warned.

"Oh, I don't mind that!" said Percy quickly. "I'd like to see the puppies!" he added.

"Well that's settled then," said Aunt Lucy. She smiled: "-we have hens too, and another sheepdog called Dai and a cat called George, and lots of sheep."

"Can I bring Wesley?" asked Percy. "He's my tortoise."

"Of course you can," beamed Aunt Lucy, looking for a moment rather like his mother used to look in the days before she started having to hunt for toads and mash lumpy grey potatoes. "I expect you'll want to bring a few treasures with you. Have you got a box for Wesley? I'll unpack this one and then you can use that."

After Percy had carefully packed the Christmas parcels hidden in his wardrobe he thought about what else to put in. He deliberated a while and then added a spare pair of pants and socks just in case he _should_ need to change them in the next week or two. He had just put in a jumper in case it was very cold, when he suddenly recalled the lucky five pence under his pillow, so he wrapped it up in the spare socks for safety. The case still didn't look very full, so he packed an interesting stone that he'd found in the yard and his toothpaste. It took him a while to find his toothbrush, until he remembered that he'd used it to scrub the mud from the interesting stone to see if there were any fossils on it last Monday. Then he added two useful thick red rubber bands that he'd rescued when the postman dropped them on the pavement; the spring from a dead ball point pen that his father had thrown away which he'd been keeping because you never knew when it might come in handy, and an old magnet that still worked a bit. Then he closed the case and went downstairs.

It seemed hard to believe, but there was a smell of chips! Percy decided that Aunt Lucy must definitely be the surprise the CFC had referred too. She was certainly a surprise anyway!

"Lay the table, will you, Percy dear," she said as he opened the door, "- and call those policemen to come and sit down."

The contents of Aunt Lucy's box had now been marvellously transformed into seven steaming plates of ham, egg and chips. Furthermore there were mince pies and – joy of joys – custard to follow! It was like having Mrs Doggett back.

*****

The journey to Wales in Aunt Lucy's little red car took a long time, but Percy missed most of it. He was fast asleep. It had been an unusually busy couple of days. He woke up as the car began its slow ascent up the bumpy mountain track to Aunt Lucy and Uncle Gethin's farm. By then it was dark, so he couldn't see out much.

"We're nearly there," Aunt Lucy told him. "Jack will be looking forward to meeting you." She sounded quite confident about this, but Percy suddenly felt anxious.

"He won't mind, will he?" he asked. "I mean, he doesn't know me. –We might not like each other," he blurted out. Lucy glanced at him and smiled:

"He'll be pleased as Punch!" she said. "He's always wanted someone else to play with in the holidays. We're a bit far away from the village up here, so his friends don't pop round all that often. I think you're quite alike really."

"I never knew I had a cousin before," remarked Percy, curiously.

"You did meet once when you were both babies. Then Edwin, your father, had a bit of a row with Gethin. After that Maria stopped replying to letters. I suppose Edwin wouldn't let her. – But it's all in the past. Look, there's Jack waiting for us – I think Bess must have had her litter!" She pointed to a figure caught in the headlights, weaving frantically.

"She's had six pups, Mum! Come and see! Come on Percy!"

By the time Percy had scrambled out of the car and stretched the sleepiness from his legs, Jack had vanished into the barn.

Inside between the bales of hay, a beautiful black and white collie lay on her side on an old blanket. Six tiny naked newborn puppies were tumbling over one another as she gently licked them. Percy knelt down, entranced, and watched.

Jack looked at Aunt Lucy:

"Mum, I know we can't keep them all, but could Percy and I keep one each? – Please!"

Aunt Lucy smiled "I think we might manage that," she said cheerfully, "-but don't disturb Bess for now. She needs some peace. Come inside and get washed and show Percy his room while I get dinner."

Inside, shining glossy holly decorated the big fireplace and a Christmas tree sparkled as warm light from the flames bounced off silver and gold baubles and flickered on the wall. There was a lovely smell of pine needles and a pile of excitingly mysterious presents piled on the floor.

"You've got the room next to mine," said Jack, heading up the stairs and flinging open two doors. "Only you'll have to kick George off the bed because he thinks it's his." Percy looked at the large black cat curled up in the centre of the duvet. "– You're not allergic, or anything are you?" Jack added hastily. Percy, remembering Grumbo and Miss MacGrammar, began to laugh:

"No, I'm not allergic," he spluttered, shaking with laughter. Jack looked at him curiously. "Sorry! It's rather a long story, and you'll never believe it" he gasped apologetically.

"That's OK. It'll be ages before dinner," said Jack cheerfully sitting on the bed. So Percy began, and the odd thing was that Jack _did_ believe it.

*****

It wasn't long before Percy felt as if he'd lived at the farm all his life. He had a fantastic Christmas – probably, he thought, the best ever. Even Wesley was good tempered on the few occasions when he was awake as Aunt Lucy always seemed to be able to find some titbit that would appeal to his rather finicky appetite. On Christmas morning Percy had woken to the sound of Jack hammering on the door shouting to him to get up. The mountain was freshly carpeted with snow and a lumpy stocking lay on the end of his bed. Downstairs Uncle Gethin was singing Christmas carols in a vigorous baritone as he fetched in logs for the fire and smell of bacon and eggs scented the air. As they ate, Jack and Percy eyed two particularly large oddly shaped parcels that had appeared beneath the tree overnight.

"You might want to open those first," suggested Uncle Gethin. "Before the sun gets up," he added, grinning.

"Not until they've finished breakfast and washed up," said Aunt Lucy firmly. Percy and Jack had never cleared dishes so quickly!

"It's a-," said Jack, tearing off wrapping paper.

"-Sledge!" completed Percy, joyfully yanking away the last strip of sticky tape.

They looked at one another.

"Two sledges," corrected Jack, a grin spreading from ear to ear "-Come on!" With one accord they both disappeared through the door into the blanket of white.

"Peace!" said Uncle Gethin.

"Peace," agreed Aunt Lucy, smiling.

"All the same," remarked Uncle Gethin, moving to look out of the window, "I wish I was their age!"

Sledging

Percy had saved until last the parcels he'd brought with him, and he and Jack opened them together that evening sitting on his bed, eating Smithers' toffees and feeding bits of lettuce to Wesley. There was a 'Make Your Own Robot kit' from Rhodri, a wind up Father Christmas with its own chimney to climb from Father Edmund, and a copy of 'The Easy Guide to Spelling' by Mary-Anne MacGrammar inscribed in copperplate handwriting: "to Percival from M. MacGrammar, in the hope that it may prove of some small assistance". Nanny had provided enough socks to keep him going for a year, two pairs of woolly mittens and a jumper, which fortunately, was plain red, apart from one band of grey near the bottom. The box of jokes and tricks from Tingle he shared with Jack so that they could try them out on one another. It was a day Percy would never forget.

Even school turned out to be better than Percy could have hoped. No-one in Wales seemed to think his name was odd. They knew all the English were peculiar anyway and couldn't sing properly, nor read words with two 'L's and 'W's' in the middle like Pwllelli, so neither Percy's name nor his clothes or his accent came as any surprise to them. Besides, he was Jack's cousin, and everyone liked Jack, so that was OK, especially as Percy turned out to be good fun too, once he'd got over being a bit shy on the first day.

After a while a postcard arrived from Percy's mother. It said:

" _Dear Percy,_

We decided not to go to Scotland after all as Uncle Gordon is always grumpy. It's very hot here but they have a lot of taxis. Your father has bought a hat as a llama ate his wig. I hope you are remembering to change your socks.

Love and kisses,

Mummy xxxxxxxxxxx"

"Ughh Yuk!" said Jack when he read it

"The postmark says 'Lima'. -That's in Peru, in South America, I think," said Uncle Gethin, thoughtfully.

Aunt Lucy just lifted her eyebrows and put the kettle on.

Percy put the card away in his case with the spring and the interesting stone. After all, she was his mother.

In time, Percy began to wonder if Grumbo, Rudolph and the trip to the Father Christmas Training School had all been a dream.

That is, until one day......but that's another story!

The End

###

