I was 24 weeks gestation. I asked the doctor, "Is he
going to make it? Will he even be a pound?
What does all this mean?"
They had a NICU doctor come in and ask if we wanted
to make sure his life was saved or go through
necessary things to keep him alive - put him on
life support, and all those things. And of course, yes.
Absolutely. We want to do that.
So they scooped him away. He weighed 1 pound, 11 ounces,
and he was 12 inches long. I remember sitting down
in a little rocking chair, and it took quite a while for them
to position him just right on my chest.
I remember just crying and just overwhelmed with so much joy.
"Say mama, I'm trying to open my eyes."
Again, he's a little human baby that has emotions,
that has feelings, that has a desire to live, that feels pain,
that seeks comfort. All the things, all the emotions,
all the struggles and ups and downs that anybody else
deals with. Are you so glad you have your life and that
you get to live this life?
Why don't you tell him that.
I love how I just live my life.
And I love my life.
And we found out that we were expecting again.
Surprise!
It definitely wasn't planned.
But the Lord knew better.
So we went for our first ultrasound, and there's two
little babies. We were optimistic that this pregnancy
was going to be completely different, and that we were
going to be able to go to full-term, 40 weeks.
I was approaching 26 weeks gestation, which was a
huge victory getting past 24, then 25 weeks.
And that evening, I knew this was not good.
They were born just a few hours later. We got to hear
little, tiny cries from them both, but at least I got to hear
those little bitty tiny almost like a kitten noise.
Of course, the same thing. They asked us if we
wanted to intervene. A lot of the doctors knew us
from Samuel and it was almost like they just had to
ask for legality purposes, but they knew we wanted -
absolutely, let's fight for these kiddos. They're going to
fight with us, you know.
The first time around with Samuel, not knowing
what the future held with that fight in the NICU to help
him survive, versus the second time around with the twins,
and knowing what that fight was going to be like. It still
didn't change, I mean there still was never one second
that we thought, "Man, do we really want to do this?"
I mean, that was never an option. That was never a question.
They were worth me doing that. They were worth me
being strong and putting my wants aside.
I have life to live. You know, it's hard to be on
bed-rest every single day for months, but it was what
I needed to do for them. I needed to put myself aside
to do that. Those moments of being in the NICU.
That uplifted, victorious arm that he holds up, is just as
big, if not bigger, than what his entire body was at birth.
You just can't put a price on that, man.
Sometimes I wonder, "Lord, why in the world did You
give us three micro-preemies?
How did You think we were capable of this journey?"
It's truly a gift, though.
My goodness, we get to parent miracles, okay!
