♪♪ ♪♪ ♪♪
>>HOST: FROM HOLLYWOOD.
♪♪ ♪♪ ♪♪
THE JACK BENNY PROGRAM.
♪♪ ♪♪ ♪
>>JACK: THANK YOU.■■
THANK YOU, THANK YOU VERY, VERY
MUCH AND GOOD EVENING LADIES AND
GENTLEMAN. NOW, USUALLY, I
MEAN, AS A RULE, WHEN I START A
PROGRAM, I USUALLY BEGIN BY,
TELLING A SERIES OF JOKES
YOU KNOW, WHICH IS CALLED A
MONOLOGUE YOU SEE. BUT I
THOUGHT THAT, TONIGHT, I'D LIKE
TO DO SOMETHING A LITTLE BIT
DIFFERENT. NOW AH, I DON'T WANT
YOU TO THINK I'M BRAGGING, OF
COURSE, WHEN I SAY THAT I GET A
LOT OF FAN MAIL, BECAUSE I DO.
AND AH, I THOUGHT THAT,
AND, AND IN THESE LETTERS, THEY
ALWAYS ASK ME A LOT OF
QUESTIONS, YOU KNOW ABOUT
MYSELF, OR ABOUT THE SHOW. AND
I THOUGHT IT MIGHT BE NICE,
INSTEAD OF TELLING JOKES, TO
ANSWER, SOME OF THESE LETTERS,
YOU SEE. SO I'LL DO THAT
TONIGHT, INSTEAD OF. NOW HERE
IS A HUM, HERE'S ONE FROM A
LADY, IN MICHIGAN, AND SHE
ENCLOSED A AH, STAMPED, SELF
ADDRESSED ENVELOPE HERE.
AND SHE SAYS HUM, OH,
SHE SAYS HUM, SHE SAYS, DEAR
MR, BENNY, IS IT TRUE, THAT
YOU'RE AS CHEAP AND STINGY
IN PERSON, AS YOU ARE
ON TELEVISION?
>>JACK:  WELL I WON'T BOTHER
ANSWERING THAT ONE AT ALL.
OH HERE'S A LETTER
THAT SAYS AH, MR BENNY, IN A
RECENT PROGRAM, YOU REFERRED TO
YOU'RE VIOLIN PLAYING, IN THE
SAME CLASS WITH YASHA HEIFETZ.
NOW MR BENNY, HOW CAN YOU
POSSIBLE HAVE THE NERVE, TO
COMPARE YOURSELF WITH ANYONE
WHO KNOWS MUSIC, AS WELL AS HE
DOES. WELL MY, ONLY ANSWER TO
THAT IS THAT, I BELIEVE MY
DEVOTION, TO THE VIOLIN IS EVEN
GREATER, THAN HIS. BECAUSE I
DOUBT VERY, VERY MUCH IF MR,
HEIFETZ, WOULD CONTINUE TO
PLAY, AFTER BEING TARRED
AND FEATHERED.
LIKE TO SEE HIM ROSIN HIS
BOW WITH STICKY FINGERS. OH
HERE'S ONE MORE LETTER THAT I
WANT TO READ, IT SAYS,
MR BENNY, WITH ALL THE WORK THAT
YOU DO ON YOU'RE TELEVISION
SHOWS, DO YOU HAVE ANY TIME FOR
YOURSELF FOR SOCIAL LIFE?
WELL, THIS ONE, I REALLY WANT
TO ANSWER, BECAUSE, I HAVE, A
VERY NICE SOCIAL LIFE. I MEAN,
I GO TO MAYBE 15, 20 PARTIES A
YEAR, AND AH, THE NICEST PART
OF IT IS, THAT THE, THE PARTIES
THAT AREN'T PLANNED, ARE THE
BEST ONES OF ALL. YOU KNOW,
THOSE THAT JUST HAPPEN BY
ACCIDENT, I REMEMBER,
YESTERDAY, I MUST HAVE HAD IT
HAPPEN YESTERDAY, I RAN INTO
MY FAVOURITE MOTION PICTURE
STAR, JIMMY STEWART. AND A VERY
GOOD FRIEND OF MINE, YOU KNOW,
I, HE HAD TOLD ME THAT AH, THAT
NIGHT, IT WAS LAST NIGHT, THAT
HE WAS HUM, GOING TO UM,
CELEBRATE HIS WEDDING
ANNIVERSARY, HE AND HIS WIFE,
AND HE BEGGED ME TO JOIN THEM.
AND EVEN THOUGH I HAD ANOTHER
DATE, HE, WAS SO INSISTENT
ABOUT IT YOU SEE, THAT
I TOLD HIM I WOULD COME,
YOU SEE. AND AH, I'M GLAD THAT
I LET HIM TALK ME IN TO IT,
BECAUSE, WE HAD THE MOST
WONDERFUL..WELL, LET ME, LET ME
SHOW YOU, LET ME SHOW YOU
EXACTLY WHAT HAPPENED.
♪♪ ♪♪ ♪♪
>>CAPTAIN: PARDON MR STEWART,
PERHAPS YOU WOULD LIKE TO ORDER
ANOTHER DRINK?
>>JIMMY: AH NO I DON'T THINK
SO NOT RIGHT NOW, THANK YOU.
>>CAPTAIN:MADAME STEWART
PERHAPS?
>>GLORIA: NO THANK YOU, NOT
RIGHT NOW.
>>CAPTAIN: YES MADAME.
>>GLORIA: OH, CAPTAIN, YOU
CAN TAKE THESE TWO PLACES AWAY,
THERE WILL JUST THE TWO OF US.
>>CAPTAIN: AS YOU WISH.
>>JIMMY: GLORIA.
>>GLORIA: ISN'T IT WONDERFUL
JIMMY, TO BE ABLE TO CELEBRATE
OUR WEDDING ANNIVERSARY ALONE.
THIS IS THE FIRST TIME WE'VE
BEEN ABLE TO DO IT.
>>JIMMY: AH, AH GLORIA, AH,
DEAR, AH, THERE'S SOMETHING I
WANTED TO TELL YOU, BUT I
DIDN'T HAVE THE NERVE.
>>GLORIA: WELL, WHAT IS IT DEAR?
>>JIMMY: WELL JACK BENNY AND
HIS GIRLFRIEND, ARE GOING TO
JOIN US TONIGHT.
>>GLORIA: WHAT!
>>JIMMY: I KNOW.
>>GLORIA: AH NO!
>>JIMMY: I COULDN'T, I COULDN'T
DO ANYTHING ABOUT IT. NOW, I
JUST, I MET JACK ON THE STREET,
AND OF COURSE, IN THE
CONVERSATION, HE ASKED HOW YOU
WERE. AND INSTEAD OF JUST
SAYING FINE, AND LETTING IT GO
AT THAT, I JUST HAPPEN TO
MENTION THAT WE WERE GOING TO,
CELEBRATE OUR WEDDING
ANNIVERSARY TONIGHT AND THEN
JACK STARTED SUGGESTING THAT HE
JOIN US. AND BEFORE I COULD SAY
NO, HE GRABBED ME BY THE LAPEL.
>>GLORIA: WHY DIDN'T YOU JUST
WALK AWAY?
>>JIMMY: I DID AND DRAGGED HIM
TWO BLOCKS. JUST, JUST HUNG ON,
LIKE AN ABALONE.
>>GLORIA: I DON'T MIND JACK SO
MUCH, BUT THOSE GIRLS HE ALWAYS
BRINGS WITH HIM.
>>JIMMY: YEAH.
>>GLORIA: YOU REMEMBER THE ONE
HE BROUGHT TO THE CONRAD
HILTON PARTY?
>>JIMMY: OH YEAH, SHE'S THE ONE
THAT ATE ASPARAGUS, LIKE A
SWORD SWALLOWER, YEAH I
REMEMBER HER.
>>GLORIA: WELL DON'T WORRY
JIMMY, THIS IS KIND OF A NEW
RESTAURANT AND MAYBE JACK
WON'T KNOW WHERE IT IS.
>>JIMMY: NO, NO, WHEN I TOLD
HIM WHERE WE WERE GOING, HE
WROTE IT DOWN ON A PIECE OF
PAPER. GOSH, I HOPE HE SHOWS UP.
>>GLORIA: YOU HOPE HE SHOWS UP?
>>JIMMY: YEAH, HE KEPT MY
FOUNTAIN PEN.
>>GLORIA: I WONDER WHAT KIND OF
A GIRL HE'LL BRING WITH HIM,
THIS TIME?
>>JIMMY: WELL, I DON'T, HONEY
MAYBE WE'D BETTER HAVE ANOTHER
DRINK, HUH? OH, GARCON.
>>GARCON: WE SIR.
>>JIMMY: TWO MORE CHAMPAGNE
COCKTAILS PLEASE.
>>GARCON: WE SIR.
>>JIMMY: THANK YOU.
>>JIMMY:(WHISPERING TO WIFE)
OH THERE'S JACK, LOOK,
LOOK HONEY.
>>JACK: OH, OH, OH JIMMY,
JIMMY, GLORIA.
>>JIMMY: HI JACK.
>>JACK: HELLO, HOW ARE YOU
JIMMY, GLORIA HOW ARE YOU? SIT
DOWN, SIT DOWN JIMMY, I'M HUM,
I'M SORRY I'M LATE, JIMMY, BUT,
BUT LET ME, LET ME TELL YOU
WHAT HAPPENED.
>>JIMMY: JACK, JACK,
YOU'RE GIRL.
>>JACK: OH, OH, OH YES, YEAH,
I'M SORRY, OH MILDRED.
>>MILDRED: HERE I AM POOPSY.
>>JACK: WHY ARE YOU ALWAYS
LAGGING BEHIND?
>>MILDRED: WELL MY STEPS AIN'T
AS BIG AS YOURS.
>>JACK: OH. WELL HERE WE ARE
AH, GLORIA, THIS IS MILDRED.
>>MILDRED: PLEASED TO MAKE
YOUR ACQUAINTANCE.
>>JACK: AND AH, AH MILDRED,
THIS IS JIMMY STEWART.
>>MILDRED: PLEASED TO MAKE
YOUR, JIMMY STEWART!
>>JACK: YES, YES.
>>MILDRED: WELL THIS IS
CERTAINLY AND UNEXPECTED,
PLEASURABLE EVENT.
>>JACK: WELL, AH, SIT DOWN.
AH JIMMY SIT RIGHT WHERE YOU
WERE HERE, BY GLORIA. AND
MILDRED, YOU SIT NEXT TO JIMMY,
RIGHT OVER THERE, WHERE YOU
WANT TO YES. WELL, THERE
WE ARE.
>>MILDRED: GEE, THIS CERTAINLY
IS A RITZY JOINT, I'M SO GLAD
YOU STOPPED BY THE STUDIO AND
INVITED ME OUT.
>>JIMMY: STUDIO, ARE YOU
IN PICTURES?
>>MILDRED: WELL I...
>>JACK: NO, NO, NO, YOU SEE
MILDRED AH, WORKS AT C.B.S.
>>JIMMY: OH, OH SHE'S
IN TELEVISION.
>>MILDRED: WELL YOU SEE AH...
>>JACK: WELL NO, NO,
NOT EXACTLY.
>>MILDRED: WHAT ARE YOU HUMMING
AND HAWING ABOUT? I'M A
TELEPHONE OPERATOR, AND I'M
PROUD OF IT.
>>JACK:MILDRED FOR HEAVENS SAKE!
>>MILDRED: IF IT WASN'T FOR ME,
YOU WOULDN'T BE ABLE TO TALK TO
THOSE OTHER BIG SHOTS.
>>JACK: MILDRED, PLEASE.
>>MILDRED: ALRIGHT, ALRIGHT,
THE TRUTH HURTS, DON'T IT?
>>JACK: MILDRED, I'M NOT TRYING
TO HIDE ANYTHING.
>>JIMMY: AH, IF YOU TWO, IF YOU
TWO WILL EXCUSE US, GLORIA AND
I ARE GOING TO DANCE.
>>GLORIA: JIMMY, THE ORCHESTRA
ISN'T PLAYING.
>>JACK: HE, HE MUST HAVE
THOUGHT THE ORCHESTRA WAS
PLAYING. (LAUGHS) WELL, ANYWAY
JIMMY, I'M SO GLAD YOU INSISTED
ON MY COMING OVER HERE,
BECAUSE WE CAN HAVE A LOT FUN.
HOW ABOUT SOME DRINKS?
>>MILDRED:  YES.
>>GLORIA: WE'VE ALREADY ORDERED.
>>JACK: OH, OH YOU DID AH.
>>GARCON: COCKTAILS MONSIEUR.
>>JIMMY: YES, WE ORDERED
CHAMPAGNE COCKTAILS.
>>JACK: OH, WONDERFUL, HERE YOU
ARE MILDRED. DIDN'T YOU ORDER,
DIDN'T YOU ORDER
DRINKS, YOURSELF.
>>JIMMY: AH.
>>JACK: THIS IS DELICIOUS.
>>JIMMY: AH HA.
>>MILDRED: COME ON, LIVE IT
UP, HEE!
>>JIMMY: I GUESS WE MIGHT AS
WELL LIVE IT UP. HONEY, YOU
KNOW, WERE CELEBRATING
OUR ANNIVERSARY.
>>GLORIA: OUR HAPPY
ANNIVERSARY, BRING TWO
MORE, PLEASE.
>>GARCON: WE MADAME.
>>JACK: WE CERTAINLY CAN. YEAH
I WOULDN'T HAVE MISSED, HEY!
THERE'S THE MUSIC, COME ON
MILDRED, LET'S DANCE, HUH?
♪♪ DANCE MUSIC PLAYS ♪
>>MILDRED: OKAY.
>>JACK: MILDRED, WHAT ARE
YOU DOING?
>>MILDRED: I'M MARKING THE
LEVEL, I DON'T WANT TO BE OUT
THERE DANCING, WHILE I'M BEING
SIPPED DRY.
>>JACK: OH, THIS, THE REASON
SHE SAID THAT. THIS HAPPENED
THE LAST TWO PLACES I TOOK HER
TO, YOU KNOW. (LAUGHS)
>>JIMMY: OH, OKAY.
>>JACK: COME ON, COME
ON MILDRED.
>>MILDRED: OKAY.
>>JACK: COME ON, LET'S DANCE.
>>GLORIA: WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
>>JIMMY: WELL I, DON'T WANT TO
BE ACCUSED OF SIPPING, IF IT
JUST HAPPENS TO BE EVAPORATION.
>>GLORIA: SAY BY THE WAY JIMMY,
I NOTICED THAT WHEN JACK SAT
DOWN, HE HAD YOU'RE FOUNTAIN
PEN IN HIS BREAST POCKET.
>>JIMMY: OH YES, I SAW THAT.
IT WASN'T MINE, IT PROBABLY
BELONGS TO CONRAD HILTON.
>>MILDRED: GEE, YOU'RE A
WONDERFUL DANCER.
>>JACK: THANK YOU MILDRED.
>>MILDRED: AND JACKY?
>>JACK: WHAT?
>>MILDRED: NO MATTER WHAT
HAPPENS TONIGHT I WANT YOU TO
KNOW THAT I LIKE YOU VERY,
VERY MUCH.
>>JACK: I KNOW YOU DO MILDRED,
BUT, WHY DID YOU HAVE TO
MENTION IT NOW?
>>MILDRED: WELL, I HAVE A
FEELING AS THE EVENING MOVES
ON, JIMMY STEWART IS GOING TO
MAKE A PASS AT ME.
>>JACK: AND AH, AND YOU
DIDN'T WANT ME TO BE
JEALOUS, HUH?
>>MILDRED: YEAH.
>>JACK: OH WELL, WITH MY BLUE
EYES, I HAVE NOTHING TO
WORRY ABOUT.
>>JIMMY: GLORIA, I KNOW HOW YOU
FEEL, I KNOW WHAT YOU'RE
THINKING. BUT WERE STUCK WITH
THIS, WE'LL JUST, WE'LL JUST
HAVE TO STICK IT OUT, THERE'S
NOTHING TO DO.
>>GLORIA: WE CAN GET OUT
OF HERE.
>>JIMMY: NO WE CAN, WITHOUT AN
EXCUSE, NOW.
>>GLORIA: WELL I KNOW, WHEN
THEY COME BACK TO THE TABLE,
I'LL TELL THEM THAT MY STOMACH
IS A LITTLE UPSET.
>>JIMMY: BUT WE CAN'T LIE
TO THEM.
>>GLORIA: WHO'S LYING?
>>JIMMY: GEE I, I DIDN'T KNOW
THAT YOU'D BE SO UPSET ABOUT
IT. BUT I, BUT THE ONE THING
HONEY, AH, NO MATTER WHAT
HAPPENS THIS EVENING, I WANT
YOU TO KNOW THAT I LOVE YOU
VERY MUCH.
>>GLORIA: WELL I KNOW YOU DO
DEAR, BUT WHY DO YOU BRING IT
UP NOW?
>>JIMMY: WELL, I, I DON'T KNOW,
I KIND OF HAVE A FEELING THAT
AS THE EVENING GOES ON,
MILDRED'S GOING TO MAKE A PASS
AT ME.
>>GLORIA: DON'T BE SILLY.
>>JIMMY: WELL I, I'M, I'M SORRY
I GOT IN TO THIS DEAR. AWFUL
SORRY, BUT LOOK IT'S A BIG
PLACE, AND IT'S CROWDED, NOW
MAYBE NOBODY WILL NOTICE THEIR
WITH US.
>>GLORIA: I HOPE SO.
>>MAN: I BEG YOU'RE PARDON.
>>MILDRED: WHY YOU SHOULD BE,
WHY DON'T YOU LOOK WHERE
YOU'RE GOING.
>>JACK: MILDRED, PLEASE.
>>MAN: WELL I'M, I'M SORRY, BUT
YOU BUMPED IN TO ME.
>>MILDRED: IF YOU DON'T KNOW
HOW TO DANCE, WHY DON'T YOU
GET LOST.
>>JACK: MILDRED.
>>MAN: NOW LOOK MISS, IT WAS
YOU'RE FAULT AND YOU KNOW IT.
>>MILDRED: MY FAULT? LISTEN YOU
CAN'T TALK TO ME LIKE THAT, I
HAPPEN TO BE HERE WITH
JIMMY STEWART.
>>JACK: NOW COME ON MILDRED,
LET'S GO BACK TO THE TABLE.
>>MILDRED: OKAY.
>>MAN: NOW THAT'S
GOOD RIDDANCE.
>>MILDRED: WHAT DID YOU SAY?
>>JACK: LOOK IT MILDRED, IF
YOU START ANOTHER FIGHT, IT'S
THE LAST TIME I'M GOING TO TAKE
YOU OUT. LET'S GO BACK TO
THE TABLE.
>>JACK: WELL I DON'T KNOW,
I'M KIND OF HUNGRY.
>>JIMMY: YEAH.
>>JACK: HOW ABOUT HAVING
SOMETHING TO EAT, HOW DO
YOU FEEL?
>>MILDRED: OH, I'M STARVED.
>>JACK: ALRIGHT, WAIT A MINUTE,
I'LL GET THE, I'LL GET THE
WAITER. WAITER, WHERE IS
THAT WAITER?
>>GLORIA: WERE BOTH WRONG,
HARRY S. TRUMAN.
>>JACK: WAITER, WAITER PLEASE,
WERE GOING TO EAT. BOY
I'M HUNGRY.
>>GARCON: WOULD YOU LIKE TO
ORDER THE DINNER NOW?
>>JIMMY: YES, YES, I GUESS SO.
>>JACK: WOW, GOSH.
>>MILDRED: HEY, GET A LOAD
OF THESE FANCY DISHES,
WHAT'S VICHYSSOISE?
>>GLORIA: THAT'S A COLD SOUP.
>>MILDRED: OH GOOD, THEN I
WON'T HAVE TO BLOW ON IT.
>>JACK: COME ON, LET'S, LET'S
ORDER HUH?
>>GLORIA: HOW ABOUT SOME CAVIAR
TO START WITH?
>>MILDRED: CAVIAR?
>>GARCON: THOSE ARE FISH EGGS.
>>JIMMY: I'LL BET SHE ORDERS
TWO, SOFT BOILED.
>>GLORIA: YEAH, WHAT ARE YOU
GOING TO HAVE JACK?
>>JACK: WELL I DON'T KNOW,
LET'S SEE, GRENADINA BEEF, $3.75
LONG ISLAND DUCKLING $4.50 FILET
MIGNON WHOOPS, OH BROTHER.
>>GARCON: IF YOU'RE FINE, I'LL
TAKE THE ORDERS.
>>JACK: ALRIGHT, I'LL HAVE
GRENADINA BEEF.
>>GARCON: WE, YOU MADAME?
>>GLORIA: I'LL HAVE THE LONG
ISLAND DUCKLING.
>>GARCON: VERY GOOD MADAME,
YOU SIR?
>>JIMMY: I'LL HAVE THE WHOOPS,
MEDIUM RARE.
>>GARCON: VERY GOOD SIR, AND AH
YOU MADEMOISELLE?
>>MILDRED: I DON'T KNOW WHAT I
WANT. I THINK I'LL HAVE SOME OF
THAT VICHYSSOISE, AND A
SALAMI SANDWICH.
>>JACK: OH FOR HEAVENS SAKES,
MILDRED, I MEAN THIS IS A HIGH
CLASS FRENCH RESTAURANT. I MEAN
ORDER SOMETHING APPROPRIATE.
WAITER, WHAT WOULD YOU SUGGEST?
>>GARCON: WELL, I WOULD
RECOMMEND THE LAPINS SAUCE
AUX CHAMPIGNON.
>>JACK: OH, WHAT, WHAT'S THAT?
>>GARCON: THAT'S RABBIT, FRIED
IN MUSHROOM SAUCE.
>>JACK: RABBIT, WOULD YOU LIKE
RABBIT, MILDRED?
>>MILDRED: ANYTHING, AS LONG AS
IT'S DEAD.
>>JIMMY: WAITER AH, I SUDDENLY
FEEL IN NEED OF ANOTHER DRINK.
>>GARCON: OUI.
>>JACK: WHAT HAPPENED TO THE
DRINK YOU HAD?
>>GLORIA: I'M DRINKING IT.
>>GARCON: AND THE LADY?
>>JACK: OH, BRING HER, BRING
HER THE GRENADINA BEEF, AND
WE'LL ALL HAVE SHRIMP COCKTAIL.
>>GARCON: WE MONSIEUR.
>>JACK: MERCI. HEY THERE'S THE
MUSIC AGAIN, I'LL TELL YOU
WHAT, LOOK IT, MILDRED, YOU
DANCE WITH JIMMY, AND I'LL
DANCE WITH GLORIA HUH? COME ON.
>>MILDRED: OKAY.
>>JACK: OKAY, GOOD MAN.
>>MILDRED: GOSH JIMMY, I'M SO
THRILLED DANCING WITH YOU.
>>JIMMY: YOU ARE?
>>MILDRED: WHO EVER THOUGHT
THAT I, MILDRED MYERHOUSER,
WOULD SOMEDAY, BE DANCING WITH
A REAL MOVIE STAR.
>>JIMMY: MILDRED MYERHOUSER?
>>MILDRED: YEAH.
>>JIMMY: THAT'S, THAT'S AN
UNUSUAL NAME ISN'T IT?
>>MILDRED: YEAH, I THOUGHT
ABOUT CHANGING IT, BUT SOMEBODY
SAID WHEN YOU CHANGE YOU'RE
NAME, SOMETIMES IT CHANGES
YOU'RE WHOLE PERSONALITY.
>>JIMMY: AND YOU DIDN'T WANT TO
TAKE THE GAMBLE?
>>MILDRED: OH NO.
♪♪ ♪♪ ♪♪
>>JACK: THIS IS, THIS IS FUN,
ISN'T IT GLORIA?
>>GLORIA: YEAH.
>>JACK: COME ON, LET'S DO
THAT AGAIN.
>>GLORIA: OH JACK.
>>JACK: OH COME ON, BE A SPORT,
FOR HEAVENS SAKES.
(TRAY CRASHES TO FLOOR)
>>JACK: WELL IT'S HIS FAULT,
FOR CUTTING IN. COME ON, LET'S
GO BACK TO THE TABLE.
♪♪ DANCE MUSIC PLAYS ♪
>>MILDRED: GEE, JIMMY, YOU
DON'T KNOW WHAT A THRILL THIS
IS. ME IN YOUR ARMS DANCING
FACE TO FACE, I'D GIVE
ANYTHING IF THEY TURNED THE
LIGHTS DOWN LOW.
>>JIMMY: I SORT OF HOPED,
THEY'D TURN THEM OFF ALTOGETHER.
>>MILDRED: AH JIMMY (GIGGLES)
I CAN'T GET OVER IT, HERE I
AM DANCING WITH JIMMY STEWART,
AND THE ORCHESTRA IS PLAYING MY
FAVOURITE SONG.
>>JIMMY: HAH HAH.
(MILDRED SINGS)
♪♪ HOLD ME CLOSE ♪♪
♪♪ AND HOLD ME FAST ♪♪
♪♪ THE MAGIC SPELL YOU CAST ♪♪
♪♪ THIS IS HOW LOVE ROSE ♪♪
♪♪ WHEN YOU KISS ME INSIDE ♪♪
♪♪ I DARE NOT CLOSE MY EYES ♪♪
THIS IS HOW LOVE ROSE ♪
♪♪ WHEN YOU PRESS ME TO YOUR ♪
♪ HEART, I'M IN A WORLD ♪♪
♪♪ A PART, A WORLD WHERE ♪♪
♪♪ ROSES BLOOM, AND ♪♪
>>JIMMY: NO! NO! NO! NO!
>>JACK: WELL YOU, YOU GOT BACK
JUST IN TIME, THE FOOD IS HERE.
>>GLADYS: WELL OF ALL PEOPLE,
JACK BENNY.
>>JACK: GLADYS.
>>GLADYS: MILDRED, WHY DIDN'T
YOU TELL ME YOU WERE GOING OUT
WITH JACK TONIGHT?
>>JACK: AH, THIS IS,
GLADYS THIS IS MR, AND
MRS JIMMY STEWART.
>>JIMMY: HOW ARE YOU DOING?
>>GLADYS: OH WELL MY, THIS IS
CERTAINLY A PRIVILEGE, AN I
WOULD LIKE ALL OF YOU TO MEET,
AH, AH, WHAT DID YOU SAY
NAME WAS?
>>JOE: JOE, JOE GALLAGHER.
>>GLADYS: OH YEAH, YEAH, THAT'S
RIGHT. AND JOE TELLS HE'S A
FOOTBALL PLAYER, AND THAT
RIGHT JOE?
>>JOE: YEAH, FULLBACK.
>>JIMMY: ARE YOU WITH THE
LOS ANGELES RAMS?
>>JOE: NO, I GO TO
HOLLYWOOD HIGH.
>>JACK: HOLLYWOOD HIGH?
>>GLADYS: FOR NINE YEARS!
>>JACK: OH.
>>GLADYS: AH JOE, I WOULD LIKE
FOR YOU TO MEET MR, JACK BENNY.
>>JOE: HI.
>>JACK: HOW DO YOU DO, OUCH.
>>GLADYS: AND THIS IS MR, AND
MRS, JIMMY STEWART.
>>JOE: HOW ARE YOU?
>>JIMMY: OUCH.
>>GLADYS: AND AH, THAT IS MY
GIRLFRIEND MILDRED.
>>JOE: HI, OUCH.
>>GLADYS: WELL, I GUESS WE
BETTER GET GOING, SO WE CAN
FIND A TABLE HUH?
>>MILDRED: WHAT DO YOU MEAN
TABLE? COME ON AND JOIN US,
HEY WAITER.
>>JACK: WAIT A MINUTE, MILDRED,
NO MILDRED, WAIT, THEY, THERE
ISN'T ENOUGH ROOM HERE.
>>JIMMY: NO JACK, THAT'S
ALRIGHT, GLORIA AND I
WILL LEAVE.
>>JACK: NO, NO, NO JIMMY YOU
CAN'T LEAVE, THIS IS, THIS IS
YOU'RE, YOU'RE ANNIVERSARY AND
ANYWAY, I HAVE SURPRISE FOR YOU.
>>JIMMY: SURPRISE?
>>JACK: NOW, NOW, JUST STAY
HERE A MINUTE AND THEN WE'LL
GET SOME CHAIRS FOR YOU.
>>GLADYS: ALRIGHT.
>>JACK: OH, OH MAESTRO, MAESTRO
WOULD YOU COME HERE PLEASE.
YOU'LL LIKE THIS.
>>MAESTRO: LADIES AND
GENTLEMEN, I HAVE AN
ANNOUNCEMENT TO MAKE. IN THE
CLUB TONIGHT, CELEBRATING A
WEDDING ANNIVERSARY, ARE
MR AND MRS JIMMY STEWART.
(AUDIENCE APPLAUDS)
HERE WITH MR AND MRS JIMMY
STEWART ARE GOOD FRIENDS JACK
BENNY AND MILDRED MYERHOUSER.
(AUDIENCE APPLAUDS)
ALSO AT THE TABLE ARE GLADYS
GERSHIPED AND JOE GALLAGHER
(AUDIENCE APPLAUDS)
THE SECOND STRING FULLBACK,
FROM HOLLYWOOD HIGH.
♪♪ ♪♪ ♪♪
>>JACK: JIMMY AS YOU ENTER
ANOTHER YEAR OF HAPPINESS, I
WANT TO MAKE A TOAST.
>>JIMMY: OH, FINE.
>>JACK: TO YOU, JIMMY AND
GLORIA, MAY YOU CONTINUE TO
HAVE HEALTH, HAPPINESS AND MY
ALL YOU'RE WISHES COME TRUE.
>>JIMMY: THANK YOU JACK.
>>JACK: WAIT, I'M NOT
THROUGH YET.
>>JIMMY: OH, OKAY.
>>JACK: AND I HOPE, THAT ON
YOU'RE NEXT ANNIVERSARY,
EXACTLY A YEAR FROM TODAY, THAT
WE WILL ALL BE TOGETHER AGAIN.E
ALONE ON OUR ANNIVERSARY.
>>JIMMY: YEAH, AH HUH.
>>GLORIA: I WAS SURPRISED WHEN
I CAME BACK FROM THE POWDER
ROOM AND SAW EVERYBODY RUSHING
OUT. I HOPE YOU DIDN'T
INSULT THEM.
>>JIMMY: NO, I DON'T THINK SO?
>>GLORIA: YOU MUST HAVE
SAID SOMETHING?
>>JIMMY: ALL I SAID WAS, WAITER
BRING THE CHECK. ANYWAY, WERE
ALONE, HUH?
HAPPY ANNIVERSARY DEAR.
>>GLORIA: THANK YOU DEAR.
>>JIMMY: OH, JACK, WHAT ARE YOU
DOING BACK HERE?
>>JACK: WELL, DON WILSON SAID I
WOULD BE BACK IN A MINUTE AND
I COULDN'T MAKE A LIAR OUT
OF HIM.
>>JIMMY: OH, I SEE.
>>JACK: AND ANYWAY UM, JIMMY,
I DO WANT TO THANK YOU AND
GLORIA VERY, VERY MUCH,
FOR BEING ON MY SHOW.
>>JIMMY: IT'S A GREAT
PLEASURE, JACK.
>>GLORIA: ENJOYED IT JACK,
IT WAS FUN.
>>JACK: I'M GLAD, AND AS LONG
AS I AM, THANK YOU, I'LL ALSO
WANT TO, TO CONGRATULATE
YOU, AND WISH YOU A
HAPPY ANNIVERSARY.
>>JIMMY: WHY JACK, AS A MATTER
OF FACT, YOU KNOW, THIS ISN'T
REALLY OUR ANNIVERSARY, WE JUST
MADE THIS UP FOR THE SHOW.
>>JACK: OH, THIS ISN'T YOU'RE,
OH, WELL WHEN IS YOU'RE
ANNIVERSARY? JIMMY I SAID WHEN
IS YOU'RE ANNIVERSARY?
>>JIMMY: JULY 2.
>>GLORIA: AUGUST 20.
>>JIMMY: JACK, AS A MATTER OF
FACT, IT WOULDN'T MAKE ANY
DIFFERENCE, BECAUSE, WHEN WE
CELEBRATE OUR WEDDING
ANNIVERSARY THE NEXT TIME WERE
GOING TO BE OUT OF TOWN ANYWAY.
>>JACK: OH, OH YEAH, WHERE
YOU GOING?
>>JIMMY: AH, WELL, WE'LL THINK
OF SOME PLACE.
>>JACK: WELL ANYWAY, GOODBYE.
OH GOLLY, SUCH A WONDERFUL
COUPLE ISN'T IT, SUCH GREAT
FRIENDS OF MINE. AND NOW HUM,
AH LADIES AND GENTLEMAN.
BARBARA, WHAT ARE YOU DOING
BACK HERE, THE SHOW IS OVER?
>>BARBARA: WELL THE SHOW MAY BE
OVER JACK, BUT I HAVEN'T
FINISHED MY SHRIMP COCKTAIL.
>>JACK: OH, NEITHER DID I, COME
ON, LETS HAVE IT, THAT'S RIGHT.
♪♪ ♪♪ ♪♪
 CLOSED CAPTIONING BY
 LOOK SMART CAPTIONING
 looksmart@sympatico.ca
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