While Ye Black Knight was chasing Heavy Metal glory, he was also getting noticed South of Heaven
And some fellers down there didn’t take too kindly to our Tuba hero.
It all started in the Court of the Crimson King
Next to be granted audience with the King of Hell is Shart Tineru from your Musical Corruption department.
Hail Satan, wuzzup!
I have news that will
interest you Lord Satan:
Two Demons from the Metal division have made a deal with a mortal:
his soul for a possessed tuba
(Groan)
It’s Rahflan Mean and his intern Ranzyr.
Bring them forth.
Oh goodness!
Hail Satan! Hail Satan!
What is this? You're trading a tuba for a soul?
It's Heavy Metal.
You're supposed to trade souls for the ability to sing
play guitar, drums or bass. Nothing else.
Like anyone selling their soul to be a bass
player.
Aren't you two coming off suspension forgiving that guy in JethroTull a possessed flute?
Yep, a flute.
Yes, but Jethro Tull when a Grammy for
Best Metal Performance.
You know as well as I do
that the Grammys are a crock of shit!
But this guy is badass, he's a knight.
A knight?
Well not a real Knight, no no no. He identifies as one though.
Let's see this tuba player
(Tuba shreds)
Oh My GWAR what is this?
What were you doing?
Practicing on ye toilet
Farting along with the tuba, yeah!
Lo, for this night doth recognize this most wicked locale:
unforgiving heat, pungent
filth, and infernal beasts.
This be none other than Los Angeles California!
No, this is Hell.
H-E-Double hockey stick.
Really?
You know what, you seem like good kids
I'll let the three of you off easy -  99
years with my pet Mr snuggle buns.
(Screams)
Wait, wait!
I challenge that demon Shart to
a Shred Duel. Any musician he wants
against Ye Black Knight. If our Knight
wins you let us all off the hook.
When is our Skype with Iron Maiden?
Not til 3:30.
All right make it quick
Let's get it on! For my shredder I select...
Kirk Hammett, lead guitarist of Metallica. Whazzup!
Hey Kirk.
Hi Satan. I just love it down here, it looks like the set of a spooky old monster movie.
You Metallica guys have
performed with an orchestra, Lou Reed and Lady Gaga
(laughs) You just love bitch-slapping
your fans.
so what do you have coming down the pike?
We're working on something
special but I don't want to spoil any surprises.
Memories, all alone in the moonlight, yeah!
Fantastic.
Anyway, let 'er rip.
So Kirk Hammett launched his shred attack.
He wiggled the wah-wah like his toes were headbangin'!
Ooh, ye Double-Wah-Wah!
Then Hammett played what no other mortal man could ever attempt!
(Gasps) Ye Triple-Wah-Wah!
Yes! (Imitates guitar) Hell yeah!
It's too sad for me to listen to. Sounds like a pack of crying ducklings with head colds.
Sounds like the Aflac duck and his groupies are getting it on.
Ye musicianship ’tis middling. But ye quackiness be’ith off ye charts!
It was the most Kirk Hammett-iest sound
that Kirk Hammet ever made.
Dude, that was dope!
Okay Ye Black Knight, let's see if you can top that
May this knight take’th borrow’age of thine noise-canceling headset?
Then it was the Knight's turn to
unleash a torrent of metallic virtuosity.
(Huge tuba note)
And he hit a bass chord in Q-flat. Lower
than whale fart from the bottom of the ocean.
(Pooping sounds)
What the funk was that?
Ye legendary Brown Note lads. A musical tone so low
anyone whom hear'eth it loseth control of
their bowels
some call it ye Taco Bell Tone.
This knight was in ye midst of
practicing it on mine chamber-pot
whence summoned to this fiery pit.
In eons of shred battles I've banged my head,
I've moshed the pit, but I've never pooped my pants.
Ye Black Knight you are the winner!
(Applause)
Ye Black Knight won the duel, and to the
victor winter spoils.
The Devil upgraded his tuba. Louder, Heavier and more Metal than before!
The Rum Tum Tugger is a curious cat! Yeah!
