 
The Beggar Chronicles

Part the First

THE BEGGAR KNIGHT

By Hayden Pearton

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Published by Hayden Pearton at Smashwords

Cover design by Vasti Visser (visservasti@gmail.com)

Copyright 2018 Hayden Pearton

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Discover other titles by Hayden Pearton

The Chronicles of New Eden

Awakening

Sunrise Sapling

The Metrophobia Collective

Koinophobia

Autophobia

Be Good

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Contents

Prologue: Highest to Lowest

Chapter 1: A Beggar's Life

Chapter 2: The Redress

Chapter 3: Rule Nine

Chapter 4: Sir Bugger

Chapter 5: The Lowroad

Chapter 6: Revere

Chapter 7: Vagrancy

Chapter 8: The Crossing

Chapter 9: Humility

Chapter 10: Queen Hysterica

Chapter 11: The Council of Nine

Chapter 12: A Memory of Love

Chapter 13: Sun's Rest

Chapter 14: Rulebreaker

Chapter 15: A Suitable Reward

Epilogue: No Good Deed

About the Author

For Chanelle, Rule Twenty

For My Family, Rule Two

For Michael, Rule Eleven

And For You, Rule Four

In the tiny kingdom of Brent, nestled between the mountain and the sea, lives a beggar called You Bugger.

This is not his name. It's just what people call him.

This is his story.

# Prologue: Highest to Lowest

The man ran through the night, chased by the shadows.

He fled the past, and ran towards the future.

He had left everything behind. His name. His status. His wealth.

All he had kept was the dream.

And the ring.

Eventually, his feet took him towards the light.

A few scattered pinpricks, identifying a small town.

It would do, for now.

*

The town was quiet, with only a patrolling guard and a handful of people mulling about. The man soon came to the town square, which was as nondescript as it was unremarkable. The man had seen much more grandiose sights in his time, and yet, this place felt far more impressive.

For once, no one turned to stare at him as he walked.

No one called out to him.

No one cared.

To the people in the square, he was just another nobody.

Perfect.

As he strode forward, he became aware of how hungry he was. He had fled through the night on an empty stomach, after all.

And man cannot live on dreams alone.

But he had left his coin behind, along with his family.

No one was going to give him anything for nothing.

But even starving to death, far from home, was better than the alternative.

For there was freedom in death, in a way. If that was to be his fate, then so be it.

He would not go back.

"Spare a coin, kind sir?" came a gravelly voice from below.

Looking down, he saw a mound of rags and dirtied cloth, smelling like nothing he had ever smelt before.

Strangely, there was an arm attached to the mound, and it was outstretched towards him.

As his eyes focused, however, he saw the truth. The mound was not a mound.

It was a man.

"Who are you?" he asked, fascinated. He had never seen the like before.

"Just a humble beggar, asking for a bit of kindness," the mound-man replied, flashing a tooth.

"Forgive me, but I have no coin to my name," he said, trying to look apologetic.

"A runaway? Then we are alike, you and I."

"I guess we are," he replied, feeling a strange kinship with this mound-man.

He looked around, and saw the stares. The guard took a step towards them, but shook his head. Apparently he had more pressing matters to attend to.

The people, however, glanced at the mound-man for only a moment. And then, looks of shame and pity stole over their faces and they turned away.

He was in front of them, and yet they did not see him.

Perfect.

"Are you hungry?" the mound-man asked, gesturing to his stomach.

In response, it let out a low rumble.

"Sit, then, and share a loaf with me," the mound-man said, making space beside him.

The man who had left everything behind took a seat beside the man who had nothing.

"Why would you go so far as to share what little you have with a stranger?" he asked, confused.

"Everyone is a stranger once. But the pain of hunger is a friend that no one should have to make," the mound-man replied, fishing a mouldy piece of bread from... somewhere.

The runaway, who had often dined on much more appetizing dishes, nevertheless took the offering with gratitude.

They sat in silence, gnawing on the rock-hard bread as the world passed them by.

He had spent his life in the light. But now, here in the darkness, he was invisible.

It was a welcome change.

"Do you have a name?" the mound-man asked, once he had managed to swallow his meal.

"Not anymore," he replied, and he meant it. He had left it behind, with all the rest of his things.

Except the ring, of course.

"Good! A man only needs a name if he needs to be called out to. And no one is going to call out to a beggar, mark my words. I had a name once... but I've forgotten it. I suggest you do the same..."

The man nodded, as he finished the last of his bread. It had not been much, but it had been delicious.

*

A short while later, the two men sat side by side. Their bellies, while not full, no longer pained them.

As the night wore on, the mound-man taught the runaway everything he knew about the Art of Begging.

And, as the sun broke over the horizon, the runaway assumed the position for the first time.

Knees bent and feet behind him.

Head down.

Arms outstretched.

"Spare a coin, kind sir?" he asked, savouring the words as they passed through his lips.

They felt strange, and yet... comforting.

They were words that the old him would never have spoken.

And for him, that was enough.

The man he had asked, however, did not take kindly to his suggestion. He lashed out with his foot, sending the newly christened beggar to the floor.

However, this too was part of the Art.

Rule Nineteen: If struck, do not strike back.

As he lay there, basking in the unfamiliar pain, he heard the rude man speak.

"That'll teach you a lesson, you bugger!"

"A thousand pardons, kind sir," the runaway replied, crawling back into position.

No. He was no longer a runaway.

He had a new identity.

A new purpose.

From now on, he was...

You Bugger.

# Chapter 1: A Beggar's Life

"Spare a coin, kind sir?" the beggar asked, arms outstretched.

"Get away from me, you bugger!" the man replied, looking annoyed.

The beggar nodded in affirmation.

Rule Twelve: Do not pester.

Five years had passed since he had come to the town of Garn, and he was impressed with how almost everyone had learnt his name. Even visitors to the town, often passing through on their way to the seaside capital, had managed to guess it.

It was morning, and the merchants were busy setting up their stalls before the market officially opened. He did not know the day or the month, however, as such things are meaningless to beggars.

He was begging in spot six, the market square, as per the rota.

Rule Three: Do not overcrowd.

There were three other beggars nearby, located equidistant around the square.

Smelly Joe, an old man whose smell had been known to incapacitate small animals, sat against the eastern wall. Matilda the Hag, who in reality was one of the nicest people he had ever met and who had unfortunately been cursed with an unflattering appearance, sat by the northern gate. Scar, who, unlike Matilda, had a personality to match his grizzled looks, stood by the southern well.

And he, You Bugger, knelt beside the western stalls.

The sun was shining brightly overhead, illuminating the morning market. From across the kingdom, merchants had come to peddle their wares. Garn, an otherwise unremarkable town, had one facet which had allowed it to continue to thrive.

It lay exactly in the middle of the route which terminated in the capital, Dawnhold, which lay on Alm's eastern flank. At the other end of the route was Sun's Rest, a small town which was known as the border marker. Beyond Sun's Rest were the foothills and, rising 30000 feet into the air, the Black Mountain.

The tallest mountain on the continent of Alm, the Black Mountain was a symbol of the region. It was the mountain itself which had called the first settlers to the land. Sailing from a devastating war, they had espied the towering shard and found a land of peace and plenty.

And now, all those centuries later, it still inspired awe in every soul which glimpsed its jet-black surface.

But his eyes were not on the mountain today. Instead, he had assumed the position, and the cobbles were all he saw.

"A single coin for a hungry beggar, milady?" he asked, catching a glimpse of slippered feet and silken hems.

"Now Margaret, do not waste your precious coin on such a filthy vagrant!" he heard a man say.

"Hush Thomas," the lady replied, "I have spent the morning buying a whole new outfit and I have a few coppers to spare, so why not show a little kindness?"

He heard the man let out an exasperated sigh, but he did not try harder to dissuade his lover.

"Here you are, you poor thing..." the lady said, and a moment later he felt her place several coins in his outstretched hand.

Five copper coins and a half-silver. He had been a beggar long enough to know the weight of each and every coin, although knowing the weight of gold came instead from his former life.

"Thank you, for your generosity and kindness," he said, as per tradition.

Rule Two: Always say thank you.

After the contrasting couple left, he deftly pocketed the coins. He might have been a beggar, but he was no fool. The guards would permit begging, so long as it did not interfere with the people, but a beggar who became too fortunate might need to be taken out of sight and... taxed...

And it seemed that the guardsmen were even more vicious than the taxmen in this regard.

He had learnt that the hard way, shortly after arriving in Garn. In fact, if he twisted in the wrong direction, he could still feel where the guard's boot had landed.

After he had crawled back to his spot, he had been more careful to hide his coins.

"A bit of generosity, young master?" he asked, as a young child came into view.

His mother, a few steps behind him, watched on with a bemused smile.

Somehow, he already knew what was going to happen next...

"Why should I give you money for nothing?" the boy asked, with a sneer, "Can't you do a trick or something?"

"A trick, young master?" he replied, sounding confused. In truth, this was not the first time he had heard those words.

The boy, who could not have been older than ten, thought for a moment. A second later, his grin grew, and he said, "Maybe if you bark like a dog, I'll give you a silver coin!"

A silver coin. Equal to one hundred copper coins. It was no small sum, and most likely represented the child's monthly allowance.

A silver coin would buy him enough food to last at least a fortnight.

But in order to get it he would have to throw away his pride.

How much did pride cost?

Apparently he was about to find out.

"Forgive me, young master, but I cannot," he said, a few seconds later.

In response, the boy spat in his face before turning to re-join his mother.

Sighing, he resumed the position. He had thrown away many things since that fateful night, but apparently his foolish pride had not been one of them.

But pride would not fill his stomach, so he raised his arms once more and said the words.

"A simple coin for a simple man?"

*

The sun was approaching the horizon when he finally stopped for the day. It had been a productive time, with eighty copper coins filling his pockets. It would be enough to mend the larger of the holes in his garments, and perhaps with what remained he would be able to purchase a leg of lamb that was mostly free from rot.

Not that he didn't enjoy slurping watery soup almost every night, of course. When had he last eaten real meat? Two months? More?

As he gathered up his things, however, he sensed a shift in the nearby darkness. The wall he had been using to rest against had become steeped in shadow, and yet, as he watched, a portion of it became darker still. It was as if the shadows themselves were giving off shadows...

A darkness born in darkness.

The eclipse of a shadow.

A glimpse of the Abyss.

However, this aberration in nature did not raise up any alarm. No guard hurried over to investigate the strange phenomenon, nor did any children cry out in confusion or terror.

Instead, the patch of darkness went unnoticed to all, except one.

"Well met, Fade," You Bugger called out, facing the patch of ink that begged an explanation.

"Well met, friend," the darkness replied.

"How goes the hunt?"

It was a strange sensation, conversing with a wall. Mercifully he was a beggar, and thus even if anyone cared enough to listen in, they would simply dispel the strange conversation as a mark of madness from a perturbed mind.

For who truly knew what happened to the mind of a man who had lost everything?

Perhaps begging for scraps and speaking to walls went hand in hand, after one had lost enough wealth?

The common man, and even a few of the uncommon ones, vowed never to discover the truth.

"It goes well, oh beggar of buggers," the entity known as Fade responded.

There was a slight shifting in the darkness, as if a man had just crossed his arms. But that was impossible, surely, as the darkness did not have any recognizable anatomical features... right?

"Who was the target this time?" You Bugger asked, taking a step towards the wall. The market was closed, and the only people left in the market square were those who either had to be there or who had nowhere else to go.

"A minor nobleman serving under Lord Gustave."

"His crime?"

"Not being able to afford better protection, apparently..."

"Fade..." You Bugger started, an edge of worry creeping into his voice.

Any normal man, faced with such an abstract situation, would surely have fled by now. Yet, despite the ominous words, the two were friends, and their conversation held no dangerous subtext.

The beggar, and the blackness.

"He ordered the assassination of his niece so that he could claim his brother's land upon his demise. Poor little thing wasn't even ten yet, so what could I do?"

"I'm surprised the Bureau accepted a mark on a nobleman," You Bugger said, sounding impressed, "Who was the client?"

Fade said nothing for a moment. However, You Bugger had known him for long enough to understand the subtleties of his expressions. A patch of darkness shifted slightly to the left.

Guilt, with a touch of pride.

Ah...

"The client was the nobleman, correct?"

Fade, or more accurately, the patch of nothingness which indicated Fade's position, nodded.

"So you killed your client to save your mark? I thought that you were supposed to be one of the best assassins in the business?" You Bugger said. In truth, he was proud of his shadowy friend, but he also could not condone his flagrant disregard for the rules.

After all, the world could not run on chaos alone...

"I am one of the best," Fade retorted, sounding defensive, "But that doesn't mean that I have to accept every contract that comes my way. I won't have the blood of a child on my hands, thank you very much..."

"And so in order to save a child you assassinated a nobleman?"

"There were... others..."

"How many?"

"Six," Fade replied, somehow taking a step _backwards_.

Even though You Bugger had seen his friend appear and disappear into the darkness of the world many times before, he still found himself impressed. Fade belonged to the nothingness in the same manner that the birds belonged to the sky. They went together, like beggars and coin.

"I take it the girl is safe?"

"Well, everyone who ever wished her harm is dead, so yes, I would think so..."

You Bugger sighed, but inwardly he chuckled.

They were a strange pair, beggar and assassin, but they understood one another. They both had names that were better left unsaid, and pasts that did not need probing of any kind.

"What will you do now?" he asked, already knowing the answer. However, the words still needed to be said, for such were the mechanisms of friendship.

"I thought that I would hang around for a while," Fade said, temporarily halting in his sinuous movements. For a moment, he looked like a shadow of a man, although that moment passed by quicker than a king's promise, and with just as much substance.

Nothing was said for a while as the two men enjoyed the silence.

*

A while later, You Bugger stood from his spot. Smelly Joe and Scar had already left the market square, no doubt heading to the taverns to spend their hard won coinage.

They left only You Bugger and Matilda the Hag left.

However, as he sought out her haunted appearance, he saw that he had been wrong. They were not the only ones left.

A squad of guardsmen had entered the square, led by Captain Kieran who, unfortunately, was known to the beggars by a different name: the Taxman.

"What will you do?" asked Fade, although it was a wasted question.

After all, both of them already knew the answer.

You Bugger watched as the guardsmen quietly took Matilda by the arm and led her out of the square. Even though she was a beggar, it wouldn't sit well with the public to watch what was about to happen.

There might be talks of hearings, public condemnation or even worse... pay cuts...

He knew from past experiences that they would do it quietly, and if there was any backchat or resistance, then the unfortunate beggar would suddenly find themselves very clumsy indeed.

I mean, why else would they have fallen down those stairs?

You Bugger moved swiftly, passing through the lingering crowd with ease. It was made easier by the fact that while he did not want to bump into anyone, they definitely didn't want to bump into him.

You never knew what diseases beggars held, after all...

However, if they knew the truth, that the beggars had a doctor of their own, perhaps they wouldn't be so fearful.

Although... if they knew that said doctor practised the art of Neutrology, the apparently self-taught school of thought that different diseases could be neutralized by opposing diseases... then perhaps they would retain their fear.

As he slipped through the recoiling masses, he had a flashback to his first treatment by the Good Doctor. He had come down with a fever, and the doctor had given him bone chills in order to fight it. He had been forced to endure three days of alternating fevers and chills, hoping for a merciful death all the while.

In retrospect, he had come out of that ordeal healthier than he had gone in... and he hadn't caught a fever since...

Shaking the nightmarish images from his mind, he reached the other side of the square. The guardsmen, clearly tired from their long shift, had not taken Matilda far. They were standing in a small quad located just off the square but out of sight enough for what they had in mind.

You Bugger slowed as he approached the scene. Before he rushed in and did anything foolish, he wanted to make sure that he wasn't misunderstanding anything.

"We've been keeping an eye on you, beggar," Captain Kieran was saying, whilst staring daggers at Matilda. She stood between two of his guardsmen, held fast at either arm.

"I haven't broken any laws, have I?" Matilda asked, voice quivering slightly.

She was still considered a new addition to the town, having only arrived three months prior. Apparently she had been courted by a rich noble who had turned out to be a conman. He had taken all of her coin and told her to meet him in Garn so that they could head to the capital and start their new life together. Obviously, that dream had not materialized. Matilda, stranded and without coin, had been forced into the life she now lived.

Unlike him...

"Not all laws are written down, are they?" Captain Kieran replied, smiling a toothless smile.

"I don't understand, Captain?" Matilda replied.

"Of course you don't," he responded, "You are new to this town, are you not? But surely you have at least heard of the Beggar's Tax?"

Matilda shook her head. You Bugger knew that she was lying, but he wasn't going to fault her for it. Life was hard when everyone you met looked down on you. Simply earning enough coin to survive day to day was hard enough without men like Kieran coming in and taking most of it.

"One coin for the king, one for the taxman, one for the processing officer, one for the local administration and one for the beggar," Kieran said, sneering.

It sounded unfair, but plausible, until you looked deeper. No coin from a beggar would ever touch the king's hand, and in this case, the taxman, processing officer and local administration was staring at Matilda. Strangely, this eclectic group had only one set of eyes...

"I haven't that many coins, Captain," Matilda said, fear creeping into her already haunting features, "I wasn't favourably looked upon by the people, you see..."

Captain Kieran stepped forward, raising his fist. You Bugger knew what was about to happen. A quick beating, followed by a slower, lengthier beating, until the unfortunate beggar told the truth. After that, the guardsmen would take as much coin as they could carry, leaving the bruised beggar to crawl home and rethink their life choices.

"She speaks the truth, Captain," he said with a loud voice as he stepped out from the shadows. Fade could disappear entirely, yet You Bugger was not far behind him in ability.

Slowly, the guardsmen turned to face him. They knew him. Many of them had beaten him before, for one imagined offense or another. Some enjoyed beating a helpless man, most likely out of some sick perversion. Others did it out of boredom. And a few did it just to fit in.

Only the last group earned his pity.

"What lies do you bring us, _You_ _Bugger_?" Kieran said, placing a heavy emphasis on his insult of a name. It was amazing how a slight change in inflection could produce such a massive change in meaning. When a passer-by said it, it felt like an offhand comment.

However, when Kieran said his name, it sounded like years of malice wrapped up into three simple syllables.

But You Bugger had come here for a reason, and it wasn't to argue about the pronunciation of a made-up name.

"I have been watching her all day," he lied, "She has been most unfortunate, I'm afraid to say. Perhaps her appearance is to blame, but who can say for sure..."

He didn't want to insult her, especially not to her face, but he needed to paint a rather unflattering picture of her. If the guardsmen believed, even a little, that she was worth less coin than their time, they might let her go without incident.

But You Bugger knew that it would not be that easy.

"Nonsense," Kieran replied, "I saw no fewer than twenty people toss her coinage."

"With respect, Captain, I believe that the sun may have been in your eyes," You Bugger said, whilst reaching into his secret pocket.

"How dare-

"After all, it was I, not Matilda, who was met with such fortune," he continued, drawing forth his coin pouch. He doubted anyone could see the fine thread that connected the small pouch to his secret pocket. Unbeknownst to all, aside from Fade, if the pouch was removed in the wrong way, it would snag a stray thread which would unfortunately cause a tiny tear...

All eyes, including Matilda's, immediately focused on the bulging bag.

"Eighty copper coins, enough to buy at least a few rounds at the tavern," he proclaimed, lifting the bag higher. The thread was pulled taught by this movement.

"I am a generous man, believe it or not, so I will give you every coin in my possession," he continued, "Which by my count is enough to cover both mine and Matilda's contribution to the taxman. Although if you feel differently, I could call him over and get him to write us a... receipt?"

Kieran's snarl shrank, but only by a hair. You Bugger could almost see the gears turning in his mind, no doubt contemplating just taking both You Bugger's and Matilda's coins. However, he did not give the good captain time to finish his internal deliberations.

"Here, to health and hearth!" he cried, flinging the coin pouch skyward. The thread caught as he did so, rapidly unravelling the seam and spilling the precious contents.

As the copper rain fell, he motioned to Matilda, who nodded in return. A heartbeat later, every guard was on the ground, including Kieran, scrambling to stop the coins from rolling away.

By the time they had pocketed the last coin, You Bugger and Matilda had vanished.

*

They ran until their lungs gave out, dropping them onto the cobbles with an unceremonious _thud_. Both took a few seconds to recover, although You Bugger was the first to stand. He had more experience running away from the guard and it showed.

"Thank you, You Bugger," Matilda said, once she had regained her breath.

"Rule Nine: If you see someone in peril, help them," he replied.

Matilda nodded. If they abandoned the Art, then they truly had forsaken everything.

"Still, it is one thing to help someone, and another to give up your entire day's earnings," she said, with tears in her eyes.

"There will be other days," he replied, helping her to her feet, "And it is easier to mend a coin pouch than a broken bone."

Matilda nodded once more.

"A word of wisdom, however, from one who knows the sting of the law. If you receive too much, do not show it. Keep every coin out of sight, even if it is just a single copper."

"Thank you, for your assistance and your wisdom," Matilda said, dusting her cloak. Of course, she was not cleaning it, but rather rubbing more dust and dirt onto its frayed surface. No one gave coins to a well-kept beggar, after all.

"I am happy to help," he replied.

"I know you are, but I still worry for you. If you want, I can give you some of my coin, at least so that you might buy something to eat?"

"A tempting offer, to be sure, but your coin was hard-earned and hard-won. I will eat at the Beggar's Feast, so worry not for my health."

Matilda tried to protest further, but he silenced her with an upheld hand.

"You need every coin you can come by, if you are to ever leave this place. I, on the other hand, am right where I belong..."

She opened her mouth and then closed it, without uttering a single word. Instead, she reached into her cloak and withdrew a single copper coin.

Handing it to him, she said, "Payment then, for services rendered, Sir Bugger."

He took the coin without fuss.

She left him then, flashing a smile that for a moment revealed her true beauty.

"Sir Bugger?" asked Fade, sliding out from the shadows.

Of course, he had known that the assassin had been present the whole time, although he doubted that Matilda had noticed the man.

"It's what a few of my fellow beggars have taken to calling me, despite my objections. They say that I act more like a knight than the kingdom's 'finest', and am more deserving of the title than those who hold it."

"It suits you."

"Shut up," You Bugger replied, walking away.

"Not a chance in the Abyss," Fade replied, dissolving into the shadows.

*

"Another bowl, Sir Bugger?" asked Bucktooth. He was one of the older beggars and was known for his one remaining tooth which took up a sizeable space in his wrinkled mouth.

"Thank you, Buck," You Bugger replied, taking the wooden bowl from the man. He was sitting on a half-broken crate adjacent to the Vagrant River, which was the beggar term for the slow moving sludge which ran the length of the sewers beneath Garn. Here, aside from the occasional Rous and extremely rarely, a Swamp Python, the beggars of Garn could eat and rest in peace.

The bowl before him contained 'meat', 'water' and 'stock', and the saying went that if you had enough sense to ask what kind of each, you weren't cut out to be a beggar.

To his rumbling stomach, however, it was delicious. He gently slurped up the thick brown sludge, trying not to think about what he was eating.

Wait, had that been a whisker, or an antennae?

No... it didn't matter.

Finishing his second bowl, he laid it down on the rough cobbles below. Thankfully, whatever was in the stew was powerful enough to clean grout, so there was no need to rinse out his bowl. He could simply leave it out for a time, and it would come back clean.

The stew, made each night by a beggar named Michel, was a delicacy born from cooperation. Every night, the beggars who had done well that day would donate a few of their coins to help buy ingredients. This way, even if your luck during the day was poor, you were guaranteed at least a hearty meal in the evening.

Rule Four: Share what you are given, if possible

When You Bugger had first begun begging, he had only avoided starvation due to the generosity of others.

Glancing down at the 'water' running past, he caught a glimpse of his reflection. A pair of emerald green eyes looked back at him, framed by a mop of thick, unruly and dirty blonde hair which covered his head and continued downwards in a scruffy beard. He was thinner than most, but not spindly, and was dressed in brown rags that left only his hands visible.

A looker, he most certainly wasn't.

"We all heard what you did for Matilda, Sir Bugger," Bucktooth said, his words struggling to find their way out of his mouth.

"I was just following the Art, and for the last time, I am no knight!" You Bugger said, raising his voice slightly.

A few of the nearer beggars turned to look at him.

"We know that you ain't really a knight," Bucktooth said, spitting slightly, "But you sure do act like one. For those of us who ain't got too many role models, it's nice to know that even someone at the bottom can aspire to be like those on top."

"I don't aspire to be anything, Buck," You Bugger replied, sighing, "All I want is a life full of peace and poverty. Other men can dream of knighthood and adventure... My dreams, you see, have already come true..."

Bucktooth nodded, seemingly understanding, but You Bugger knew the truth. No one understood why he, a man of apparent intelligence and skill, would choose to remain a beggar. Over the years he had been forced to fend off offers of employment by shopkeepers and travelling merchants who had witnessed his 'heroics'.

All of them, when their offers were refused, always asked the same thing...

'Don't you have a dream?'

Yes, he did. What they failed to understand, of course, was that he was already living it...

"Attention, attention, ye men and women of ill fortune!" rose a voice from further down the sewer.

Immediately the two of them stood and made their way over. It would not do to keep the Beggar Lord waiting.

Julio, or the Beggar Lord as he proclaimed himself, sat atop a beggar hierarchy that he himself had invented. Styling himself as a man with connections that ran all the way to the capital, he claimed to speak for the beggars and care for their well-being. He would often tell the assembled vagrants of how much coin he had spent bribing the guardsmen and the officials so that they would treat the beggars with leniency.

Judging from the events in the market square, his bribes weren't having quite the effect he desired.

"Gather round, gather round!" he cried from the elevated platform he had made from half-rotten planks and broken crates.

"What news from the world?" asked one of the beggars.

"Turmoil and strife, although that is neither old nor new," Julio replied, a natural at projecting his voice. It echoed and twisted when it met the sewer walls, filling the space with his words.

"It is with sad tidings that I must inform you... the King and Queen are... dead," Julio said, wiping away an imaginary tear.

"And?" another beggar asked.

Beggars, by their very nature, cared little for crown politics. As long as the new ruler didn't start another purge of the undesirables then they could sit on the throne until their arse fell off.

"According to the Royal Rules, the new ruler cannot ascend the throne until he or she has completed the Royal Rites. They must travel from the capital to the ancient town of Sun's Rest, which means that they will pass through here on their journey."

"So?" the same beggar asked.

"So? So the future ruler of Brent will be arriving tomorrow morning, and bringing with them a horde of Goldmarks!"

Goldmarks. Men and women from the capital with more gold coins than sense. Even a single coin would be enough to free a beggar from a life of poverty.

The assembled beggars, understandably, broke into a jubilant frenzy.

Only You Bugger stayed silent.

To everyone else, royalty meant men and women with more money than sense.

But to You Bugger, royalty meant only one thing...

Trouble.

# Chapter 2: The Redress

The morning sun baked the road, forcing the crowds into the welcoming shade provided by the storefront awnings. From his shaded spot beside the wall, You Bugger had the perfect view of the procession.

From the looks of it, almost the entire town had come out to see their future ruler. The previous king and queen, whatever their names had been, had never ventured far from the capital of Dawnhold. Thus, to see a living, breathing monarch in the flesh would be a tale to be told to many future generations.

That, of course, was the official statement. In truth, it was the common knowledge that the nobility of Dawnhold were generous with their substantial wealth. Almost every single man, woman and child would be hoping to receive such a blessing, whilst the shopkeepers would profit from keeping the waiting crowd fed and watered.

As per the rota, You Bugger was begging outside the mayor's house, the largest building in Garn and the most gaudy. Apparently the mayor himself was a descendant of the first settlers of Garn, back when the town had been known for the massive garnet seam found in the nearby hills. He had used his familial wealth to build a miniature palace the likes of which would put any noble to shame.

Julio had told the assembled beggars that the royal procession would run from the eastern gate to the mayor's house. They had thus altered the rota so that every beggar would receive a spot along the route without overcrowding. You Bugger, uninterested in the ensuing discussion, had gone to bed early.

However, in his absence, his fellow vagrants had decided for him. Apparently, placing him at the end of the procession was meant to serve as a sign of their 'gratitude' for all that he had done for them.

To him, though, it felt more like a punishment.

*

By midday, he had pocketed thirty copper coins and an entire silver coin. It was a small fortune to a beggar, but he knew that it was little more than small change to a noble.

To a king, it wouldn't even merit a passing glance.

"Make way, make way!" called a voice, stern and imposing.

Looking up from his shaded spot, You Bugger caught a glimpse of a rider and his horse, both covered in ceremonial armour. It looked... tacky, but who was he to judge?

However, he ignored the ensuing stampede of people. They were moving to make way for the oncoming procession, but to them he was little more than a man sized mound of filth.

Something to be avoided, hit or pitied.

"Spare a coin for a man who has none?" he asked the crowd as they passed them.

As expected, none of them even turned to glance down.

"Here you go, you poor thing..."

The voice sounded young, and a moment later a tiny hand, clutching a single copper coin, came into view. Raising his head, he saw that a young girl wearing a red dress had appeared before him. She looked seven, or maybe eight years old, and wore a smile that immediately brightened his day.

With care, he took the coin from her and said, "Thank you, young one, for your generosity."

She nodded in return before disappearing back into the crowd.

"That was kind of her," Fade said, stepping out from the shadows.

"Children only learn disgust at a later age, thankfully," You Bugger replied, rising to his feet.

He was aware of the increasing volume of the crowd, which more than likely meant that the procession was drawing nearer. His quiet spot, unfortunately, had become less so.

Glancing upwards, he saw a balcony above him, bereft of people. With every pair of eyes on the cobbled road, no one was going to spot him.

Well, hopefully...

It was an easy climb owing to the handholds provided by the weathered wall behind him and within minutes he was sitting on the balcony's railing, feet swinging beneath him. Fade, while not visible, was nevertheless present.

"Any information on the future ruler of Brent?" You Bugger asked, almost as a formality. Knowing Fade, he would have already done his research and it would destroy him if he was forced to keep the knowledge to himself.

"I've picked up on a few things," Fade replied, sounding smug, "The former king and queen only had one child, may they rest in Accordia which has created a small problem with the royal succession. Since the Rulefather sought to make rules for every living thing under the sky, the royalty are not exempt. The Royal Rules clearly state that in order to ascend the throne, Cla-

"Wait!" You Bugger said, standing up so that he was balancing on the balcony's edge. While his ears had been taking in Fade's words, his eyes had been scanning the crowd. A flash of red... had he imagined it?

Glancing down the street, he saw that the procession had arrived. Four horses with armoured riders had already passed by, heralding a snow-white, gilded carriage that could only belong to the mayor and his royal guest. The carriage, drawn by two burly horses with plated hooves, was being driven by an old man who was clearly enjoying the attention. He was waving and blowing kisses to the crowd, safe in the knowledge that the riders before him had cleared the path.

But something was off...

Gold, white and blue.

Those were the colours of the procession.

Where then, had he seen red?

Straining his eyes, he searched for something amiss.

"Friend?" Fade asked, sounding nervous.

Where? Where?

Wait, just to the left of the old woman and the middle aged couple.

A child, playing in the road, oblivious to the carriage bearing down upon her.

A child wearing a red dress...

*

Without thinking, his feet kicked off from the balcony, sending him soaring into the air. As he fell, he saw one of the riders turn around, having obviously noticed the child who did not belong. The rider, a woman if her figure was genuine, was already halfway to the girl.

Doing a quick calculation, he found the answer disheartening.

The rider would not reach the girl in time.

At that moment he finally reached the ground. Thankfully, his fall was broken by several people, who were knocked over from the force. However, he did not have the time to stop and apologize. Pushing forward, he tried to move through the crowd with all the speed and dexterity he possessed. His lithe body, crafted through malnourishment, easily slipped between the packed people.

Faster!

And faster he went.

Finally, he broke through the last line and emerged onto the road. As he did so, time seemed to slow to a crawl. In this frozen tableau he saw the carriage and its heavyset horses bearing down on the girl. She was stuck in a pose of terror, hands held up as if she could somehow hold back the combined might of the beasts before her.

The rider, a young woman who had lost her helmet in the race to reach the girl, had her arms around the child. She did not look afraid, only determined, but determination alone cannot save lives.

Without hesitating, You Bugger dove forward, arms outstretched. He connected with both woman and girl, pushing them out of harm's way. As he did so, he felt a plated hoof connect with his stomach, driving the wind from his lungs. He was flung forward, into the helpless duo, knocking them to the ground.

He lay there, clutching his burning abdomen, not caring about the world around him.

He had saved the girl, and the rider too, and that was all that mattered.

However, a moment later, he was dragged to his feet by a guard. His arms were held fast behind him, and he was marched to the now immobile carriage. The gilded door swung open, revealing a portly man wearing several layers of fine silk. Strangely, a heavy looking silver chain hung across his chest.

The prince, perhaps?

"Who dares interrupt the royal procession?" the man asked, sending spittle spewing into the crowd.

"This decrepit beggar, your lordship," the guard replied, thrusting You Bugger to his knees. However, he kept a steady hand on You Bugger's shoulder, preventing him from fleeing.

The man's already beady eyes narrowed. His scowl, impossibly, grew deeper.

"The penalty for interfering with royal business is, as I'm sure you all know, death. Whether the criminal is a lord or a beggar makes no difference."

You Bugger looked for mercy in the man's eyes and was dismayed with what he saw.

Smiling an evil smile, the prince turned to the guard and announced, "Therefore I order you to take this filth away and do your duty!"

The guard, a man who was simply being paid to stand around all day, trembled for a moment. However, You Bugger felt the fingers digging into his shoulder stiffen and a second later the guard responded, "It shall be done, my lord."

You Bugger should have felt afraid. He should have tried begging for his life. But no words escaped his lips.

He had saved a life, two even, and if that meant sacrificing his own then he was alright with it.

No one lived forever, after all...

"Wait!" called a female voice, strong and sure. The rider, a woman of unparalleled beauty, had stepped out into the street. Her hair, formerly wrapped up inside her helmet, spilled forth like a frozen waterfall. It was pure silver, an unusual colour by any standard, and it framed her pale face and frost-melt blue eyes.

The man in the carriage, astonishingly, bowed low.

"Forgive me, Princess Claudia..."

*

"You are forgiven, Lord Roth," the woman replied, moving to stand beside You Bugger.

"You no doubt wish to pass the sentence yourself?" Lord Roth asked, his smile narrowing slightly.

"I do."

You Bugger held his breath. There wasn't much else he could do.

"For the crime of interrupting the royal procession... I hereby judge you guilty."

The guard, having taken a step back at the princess' arrival, stepped forward once more. He placed his hand on You Bugger's shoulder and started dragging him to his feet.

"I shall not sully your eyes with this violence, your Highness," the guard said.

"However!" Princess Claudia exclaimed, suddenly, "By your action, whilst illegal, you saved both my life and the life of one of your fellow citizens. For this, I would pardon you."

The guard immediately stepped back, bowing and apologizing at the same time.

Lord Roth, however, did neither.

"Are you certain, your Highness? By your own admission this man has broken the laws of this Kingdom. If you do not punish him accordingly, I worry that it will set a bad precedent for other disturbers of the peace..."

"Thank you for your input, Lord Roth. However, you might be Lord of War, but my decision is final. I hereby proclaim... wait, what did you say your name was?"

"You Bugger."

*

Silence immediately fell upon the crowd.

It must have been quite the spectacle, witnessing a last second rescue followed by an impromptu royal court. However, You Bugger was sure that absolutely no one could have predicted the defendant insulting the Heir of Brent to her face.

"What... did you call me?" the Princess asked, a mixture of shock and rage fighting a desperate battle for supremacy across the battlefield of her beautiful features.

"My name is... You Bugger..."

"You... Bugger?"

"That is correct," You Bugger said, wincing slightly.

"I... see..." Princess Claudia said, slowly, as if she was still trying to understand why anyone would want to be called that.

"Well, Mister Bugger, I hereby pardon you of your crime. I know that, as a vagrant, you do not have an education, but please try and be aware of this kingdom's laws in the future," she said, with what was probably supposed to be a comforting smile.

He bowed low, and prepared to leave.

"However, you did also save my life, and the life of that child. Thereby I grant you a single silver coin, a sign of my thanks. May it remind you that no good deed goes unrewarded, and no bad one unpunished," she said, handing him a silver coin.

He pocketed it in a flash. Hopefully none of the guards had seen the coin, or he would undoubtedly be subject to a surprise 'audit' on his way out.

"Thank you, Royal Bacheloress," he said, and immediately regretted it.

Princess Claudia raised an eyebrow, clearly surprised.

"You fool of a man!" Lord Roth cried, from the carriage, "You are to address the Princess as 'Your Highness' or 'Your Majesty'!"

Princess Claudia, instead of showing anger, merely raised her hand. You Bugger braced himself for the strike which, surprisingly, never came.

Instead, she turned to the carriage's occupant and stated, "No, Lord Roth, he was correct in his address. In fact, he is the first person I've met who has called me by the right title..." Turning back to him, she gave him a strange look, saying, "It would seem that there is more to you than meets the eye, Mister Bugger..."

"It was just a lucky guess," he said, trying to stifle a laugh when he caught sight of Lord Roth's reddening cheeks.

"Your Royal... Bacheloress," he said, "We have been delayed for far too long. We must continue the procession."

Princess Claudia nodded, calling for her horse. It came a few seconds later, clearly it had been trained to the highest standards.

However, before setting off, she reached down and extended her hand towards the girl in the red dress.

"What is your name, little one?"

"Oliwia," the girl replied, trembling slightly.

"Oliwia, can you see your mother around?" Princess Claudia asked, radiating warmth and compassion. It was amazing how quickly she could change her expression to match the situation.

Oliwia shook her head, growing visibly worried as she did so.

"Not to worry, Oliwia, I will help you look for her. Here, come and ride with me, and perhaps we will be able to spot her in the crowd."

Oliwia quickly grasped the extended hand and was swung up into the saddle. She sat before the woman who would soon rule over her entire life, and yet she did not look afraid. Instead, her anxiety disappeared like the morning dew, and moments later she was laughing and waving to the people in the crowd.

Slowly, the procession resumed, this time to a substantially larger amount of cheer. It might have been their first time seeing their future ruler, but Princess Claudia had managed to win over their hearts nonetheless.

Once she was out of sight, the people turned to look for the beggar who had barely escaped death. However, he was already long gone...

*

You Bugger sat on the rooftop, legs hanging over the lip in a comfortable manner. He sat atop a building beside the mayor's house, where the procession had finally come to a stop.

A stage made of wood and built with haste had been constructed outside the mayor's gate. Princess Claudia, flanked by several guards and Lord Roth, stood before the assembled crowd.

"So, I see you met the Princess," Fade said, settling down beside You Bugger. He was dressed, understandably, in all black garments. They looked like silk, yet did not move in the breeze. A hood obscured his features, save for two pinpricks of slightly lighter darkness that were his eyes. Coal against obsidian, if you will.

Even sitting fully in the sunlight, he was hard to see. It was as if one's eyes purposefully tried not to see him...

"I did. It was... eventful..." You Bugger said with a small sigh.

"From what I heard you were almost executed for saving the life of a child? Only you could have screwed something like that up so badly as to warrant death," Fade said, chuckling.

"I take it you were in the crowd?"

"Even better, I was in the carriage. Had that fool of a lord actually gone through with his plan he would have found his seat cushion suddenly contained a sharp knife..."

You Bugger did not doubt Fade's threat. He was an assassin, and killing was his trade. He would never kill an innocent, nor kill for no reason, but threaten his friend...

"Thank you, for your offer, but I think Lord Roth should be left alive for now."

"As you wish..." Fade replied, sounding disappointed.

*

"Citizens of Garn, I bid you welcome!" the mayor cried, addressing the growing crowd. The mayor, an old man nearing his seventieth year, nevertheless moved with the energy of a man fifty years his junior. You Bugger had seen him on a few occasions, inspecting the town with an ever changing group of assistants.

With regards to the 'problematic' beggars of Garn, he had devised a most elegant solution: he simply pretended like they did not exist. The beggars, funnily enough, were happy to return the favour.

Of course, this had left men like Captain Kieran in charge of maintaining order, with no superior force keeping him in check.

"On this most ostentatious day I am proud to introduce two very important guests! Representing the Council of Nine, Lord Edgar Roth, the Lord of War!"

Lord Roth bowed slightly before flashing a false smile.

"And our future ruler, Princess Claudia de Brent!"

Princess Claudia stepped forward, dropping into a small curtsy. Almost instantaneously, the cheering in the crowd magnified.

"The two of them will be staying with me for three days, during which time I will be showing them the splendour of our fair town! After this, they will depart, heading west, towards the sacred land of Sun's Rest!"

Another cheer rose up from the crowd. It was the biggest event of the year, and almost certainly their lives.

Princess Claudia placed her hand on the mayor's shoulder, and a moment later he stepped backwards, allowing her to address the crowd directly.

"Good citizens of Garn, I thank you for the warm welcome you have extended towards myself and Lord Roth," she said, bowing slightly.

"These past few days have been filled with too much darkness and death, so I am grateful for the light and life that you have showed me. Garn is a truly beautiful place, worthy of inclusion in the great Kingdom of Brent! I promise you, after I have ascended the throne, that I will not forget you!"

More cheering from the crowd. She was winning them over.

"My only wish, however, was that the purpose of my visit was to bring glad tidings. Unfortunately, this is not the case. My parents, the King and Queen, are dead. Before I can ascend the throne, I must journey to the royal burial ground in Sun's Rest and pay my respects. Only then, can I honour their memory by taking their place!"

Another cheer. Every face in attendance bore a smile.

Save for one: Lord Roth.

"I know that many of you feel forgotten or neglected by the capital, but I assure you that this will not be the case under my rule! Let this be a redress of my predecessors failings; I will not abandon the hardworking men and women of this land!"

You Bugger, in spite of himself, started to clap. It was a noble cause, even though it was unlikely to be fulfilled. He knew all too well the politics of Alm, and of the empty promises the mighty would tell the weak in order to keep them sated.

For a single rat could cause no harm... but a thousand could bring down a town.

"Not bad, for a royal," Fade said.

"Agreed," You Bugger replied, moving to stand.

"If only more of them acted as if their blood was the same colour as ours, I wouldn't have to prove it so often..."

You Bugger said nothing, instead turning around and dropping off the building.

It had been a busy morning, and something told him that the night would be no different...

*

In a dark place with no love or light, a man by the name of Thirty-Nine paced back and forth.

Before him, bound fast to a wooden chair, was one of the mayor's attendants. The man was bruised and bleeding from too many places to list, and was barely holding onto his consciousness.

"You swear to me that what you spoke was truth?" Thirty-Nine asked, pointing his dagger at the unfortunate man's heart.

"I swear!" the attendant replied, spitting up blood as he did so.

Thirty-Nine felt a pang of regret, but it was quickly buried beneath his Oddness.

He felt... off-balance. And there was only one way to make it right.

"I see. The Princess is smarter than I anticipated. Disguising herself as a rider for her own procession was one thing... but this..."

"Please, I've told you everything I know! Please let me go!" the man sobbed.

"Of course," Thirty-Nine replied, "I am a man of my word."

He took a step towards his captive. However, as he went to untie him a wave of wrongness washed through his mind.

The Oddness was getting worse.

He had been Thirty-Nine for almost a full week. Too long... far too long.

He looked at the man before him, searching his soul for mercy.

Sadly, he found none.

Stepping forth, he raised his blade.

"Thank you! Oh thank you!" the man cried, unaware.

Soon, he would be rid of the Oddness.

Soon, he would be Even again.

Soon, he would kill the heir to the Throne of Brent...

# Chapter 3: Rule Nine

Thick clouds hid the moon from sight, casting shadows across the land. The majority of the population had turned in for the night, and those who remained did so for one reason or another.

Garn never truly slept, after all; it merely rested its eyes for a while.

You Bugger the beggar and Fade the assassin strolled across the rooftops, a strange pair to the passing eye. For them, however, it was just another night.

They were most comfortable in one another's company, that was all.

Both were men who stayed in the shadows, albeit for very different reasons.

Both went unnoticed by most, which was a boon for one but a curse for the other.

And both knew the value of a gold coin better than anyone.

It could buy life or sell death, although the price was dependent on how much of each one wanted.

"There are strange tidings tonight, my friend," Fade said, slipping into and out of view as he walked. He appeared to do it without thinking, a subconscious effort on par with breathing.

"They do not have anything to do with begging, so I have little thought for them," replied You Bugger, moving with a nimbleness that belied his hulking exterior.

Together they leapt from roof to roof, never dislodging even a single tile. To the sleeping occupants below, it could have been a gust of wind, or a leaf blowing against the window.

In this dark world, they could move unseen.

"True, the affairs of kings and queens have little bearing on those who live at the other end of the chamber pot, but these developments might still have an impact on your life, my friend."

"How so?"

"The Princess and Lord Roth hid it well, but this kingdom is currently facing a time of great turmoil. The Council of Nine and the Royal Family have been at odds for decades, but recently the Council has begun to act with more and more impunity. The Princess has responded by circumventing their authority and going directly to the merchants and officials that the Lords are supposed to represent. However, in her current situation, she cannot do much, although that has not stopped her from trying."

"She infuriates them?" You Bugger responded, stopping for a moment.

"Yes," Fade replied, slowing to match You Bugger's movements.

"So the Princess and the Council are at odds, what does that have to do with me?"

Fade looked off into the distance, facing east. A few days travel in that direction would take them to the capital, Dawnhold. The seat of the leader of Brent, and the Council.

"From what I have been told, the Princess and the Council have very different views on several subjects. One of those, unfortunately, is the practice of begging. The Princess would like to start a program of providing aid to those who cannot help themselves as a result of sickness or injury, thus greatly reducing the number of beggars but at great cost to the royal treasury."

"Let me guess, the Council doesn't like the sound of that?"

"Worse, they want to make the act of begging a capital offense. Anyone caught begging would face royal justice and as we saw earlier, they aren't likely to just give out a slap on the wrist..."

You Bugger said nothing for a while.

It was a horrid thought, sliding back and forth through his mind.

"They would kill us... just for asking for a coin or two?"

Fade nodded.

"But they would end up killing hundreds... thousands..."

"As one who has done so already, I can tell you that anything after the first one is just a number. They would likely spin it as some great service they were doing to the kingdom, you know, cleaning its cities of filth and such."

You Bugger started walking again, although he had lost his carefree posture. Now he walked hunched over, mind filled with images of an imagined future in which he was hunted down and killed over a single coin.

"Do not worry, my friend, for we are not in danger of losing you anytime soon. So long as the Princess remains in charge, the Council cannot enact their bloody vision. And from what we saw earlier, she is more than capable of standing up to them..."

You Bugger nodded, but he did not straighten...

*

The man known as Forty moved across the rooftops, unseen and unheard.

He was Even again, and everything was good. Nothing could put a damper on his mood.

In less than an hour, he would have killed his target and he would be out of Garn a few minutes after that.

He was worried about the Oddness returning, naturally.

He never felt quite... right, when he was Odd.

Hopefully the Princess would be travelling with a companion...

And if not, then some poor soul he met along the way would have to do...

*

Thirty minutes later, You Bugger and Fade approached the edge of the city. A few decades earlier a noble passing through Garn had been somehow impressed with its beauty and had donated a large amount of money for a park to be built by the town's western gate.

It was known to the locals as The Garden of Gold.

It was deserted.

Well... it should have been deserted.

Instead, it contained a princess and her retinue.

Three men wearing the finest weapons and armour that You Bugger had seen in a very long time.

And the Princess, looking no less dangerous despite being surrounded by so much muscle and steel.

"What are the chances that she too is taking a midnight stroll?" You Bugger asked.

"It's possible, although compared to us she is travelling rather heavily. See how the men are bulging slightly at the waists? They have bags that they have secreted about their bodies, rather poorly, if I may say so."

You Bugger focused on the men guarding Princess Claudia. From their countenance he could tell that they were no mere guards. They moved with purpose and poise, constantly scanning the environment for any potential threats. Their equipment was mixed, with no common items. And they moved as individuals, taking little notice of one another.

These were not men who had spent a long time in each other's company, nor were they guards who were familiar with the area.

These were mercenaries, and expensive ones at that.

But why would a princess, the heir to an entire kingdom, need to hire mercenaries for protection?

Surely she could have a legion of guards come to her with a snap of her thin fingers?

You Bugger looked at Fade, raising a single eyebrow.

"Powerful, yet vulnerable. Brazen, yet stealthy. Trustworthy, yet untrusting. Our princess is a mystery, to be sure..." Fade said, with a look approaching admiration.

It wasn't a look he wore very often.

*

Forty watched the Princess from the shadows, biding his time. She had foolishly surrounded herself with three protectors.

An Odd number.

An omen.

An unnecessary waste of human life.

But at least the group as a whole was an Even number.

His Oddness would only be short lived after all.

Perfect.

*

Claudia had almost reached the western gate with her guardians. The gate was barred, but unmanned.

"Quickly now, before my husband realizes that my nightly stroll is anything but," Claudia said, gesturing to the men.

The largest man, wielding a sword that looked far too beautiful for his grizzled appearance came forth and asked, "As you command, Lady...?"

"Dianne," Claudia replied, wisely keeping her identity secret. It was possible, though unlikely, that the mercenaries could turn against her if they realized who they were really guarding. It was said that mercenaries loved gold more than kings or merchants, but You Bugger would back a starving beggar over a well-fed sell-sword any day.

"As you command, Lady Dianne, although I do feel as though you are wasting your coin. A midnight ride to meet with your lover is your business, not mine, however I do not believe that you need so much security. I myself would have been plenty..." the man said, obviously trying to cut the other two out of the deal.

"True, it is but a ride to meet my... lover, but you must understand that my husband is a very... possessive man. If he suspects my infidelity, he will send men to reclaim me. That is why I have hired you and your... comrades."

"As you wish, Lady Dianne," the man said, scowling slightly. It was obvious that he disliked having to share the payment with two more, but he said nothing further.

"Good, now let us be off," Claudia said, turning to face the gate once more.

However, it was no longer unmanned.

A single guard, carrying his spear in a lazy manner, sat beside the gate. He was snoring quietly, having apparently fallen asleep whilst carrying out his _exhausting_ duty.

Odd, that You Bugger had missed him. Perhaps he had been hidden by the shadows from the wall?

As Claudia approached, he awoke with a start.

Upon seeing Claudia and her guards, he let out a panicked scream.

"A thousand apologies, travellers!" he said, getting to his feet, "It is not often that anyone comes this way at this time."

"No apologies are necessary," Claudia said, recovering her composure, "But I was under the impression that no one guarded the west gate at night?"

The guard nodded, saying, "Normally, yes, but with the Princess in town Captain Kieran has ordered an increase in the amount of patrols and for every gate to be manned. Naturally, I picked the short straw and was ordered to guard the west gate."

Claudia nodded, relaxing. However, the mercenaries did not drop their guards. They were well trained, at the very least.

"I am Lady Dianne, and I wish to pass through the gate. If you could assist me in doing so, I would be most grateful..." she said, using a friendly, soothing tone.

"Ah... that might be a problem, Lady Dianne..." the guard replied, acting sheepish.

"How so?"

"Well, you see... Captain Kieran was very specific in his orders. I am to let not a soul enter or leave Garn from the last light until the first, otherwise I will lose my job and my family will suffer..."

"Surely you can overlook your orders, just this once?" Claudia asked, in a sweetly pleading tone.

She would make a good beggar, if she could produce that tone on demand.

The guard looked unsure, almost dropping his spear as he turned this way and that.

"My lady, I have dealt with enough guards in my time," the ugly man with the beautiful sword said, coming forward, "Sweet words will not work on them, for it is not the language that they speak."

Reaching into his coin purse, the mercenary withdrew five silver coins, enough to keep You Bugger fed for more than a month.

"Ah, well..." the guard stammered, "I suppose I can just tell myself that this is no more than a dream, can't I? I mean, Captain Kieran didn't say nothing about guarding the gate against dreams, now did he?"

The mercenary stepped forward, chuckling softly, "You see, my lady, money is the universal language. We are all bought and sold at a price, although mine is a great deal higher than this simple guard here..."

The guard reached out to take the coins, dropping his spear in the process. Cursing himself, he bent down to reclaim it just as the mercenary loomed above him.

"This man speaks the truth, Princess," the guard said, rising, "Although the price on your head is greater still!"

And then he moved, faster than You Bugger would have thought possible.

A heartbeat later, the mercenary fell backwards, a dagger protruding from his neck.

*

"What have you done?!?" Claudia screamed, taking a step towards the fallen man as if she could somehow save him.

But he had been dead before his body had even hit the ground, You Bugger knew.

"Nothing," the man replied, "Other than remove an obstacle in my path."

"Who are you?" Claudia asked, as the other mercenaries moved to stand between her and the mystery assailant.

"My name... is Forty-One, and I am here to kill you," the man said, smiling evilly.

"Fade, we need to get down there," You Bugger said, already moving. Thankfully, his friend agreed, and they leapt from the rooftop without a sound.

As they fell, You Bugger watched the situation below unfold.

"Who sent you?" Claudia asked, backing away from the murderer before her as she did so.

"Does it really matter?" Forty-One replied, taking a step towards the two remaining mercenaries.

The man on the right, a lanky fellow wielding a pair of daggers, uttered a yell before leaping forward.

Instead of moving forward to meet him, Forty-One jumped backwards, towards his fallen spear. It was in his hands in an instant, a far cry from his earlier clumsiness. He brought it around and caught the mercenary in the air, striking a fatal blow through the stomach.

"If it is money that you are after, Forty-One, then I have plenty. Simply name your price, and I shall provide. There is no need for any more bloodshed..." Claudia said, a slight shakiness to her otherwise confident voice.

"My name is Forty-Two, remember?" the man said, wrenching the spear free, "And I highly doubt that you can pay my fee!"

Forty-One... who now called himself Forty-Two, for some reason, moved towards the solitary remaining mercenary.

The man, of average build and wielding a bow and arrow, seemed to stiffen for a moment, before exclaiming, "Argh! It's not worth it! I'm not going to die just because some tarty lady wanted to have a forbidden tryst with a stable boy!"

A moment later, he threw down his bow and turned to flee.

"Normally, I would let you go..." Forty-Two uttered, raising the spear, "But that would leave me Odd after I kill your employer... Sorry, friend, for your poor luck... If only there had been one more of you..."

The mercenary made it ten steps before the spear buried itself in his back. He fell, and did not rise.

"Now, where were we?" the man asked, but there was no reply.

Claudia was gone.

*

"You cannot hide from me, Princess!" the man announced, as he slowly made his way through the park.

Claudia, unsurprisingly, did not answer him.

"I have killed Lords and Generals, but never a Princess, you know? You should consider this an honour, granted post-mortem, of course!"

You Bugger was getting closer, but he was still too far away to be of any help.

Not that many would consider an unarmed beggar any help to begin with...

The killer stalked through the trees, eyes scanning every shadow and probing every trunk.

For an instant, a break in the heavy cloud cover let a shaft of moonlight illuminate the scene. In that moment, the light glinted off something metallic. As his eyes adjusted, You Bugger saw something that defied belief.

Claudia, wielding the fallen mercenary's sword, sailing through the darkness. The moonlight struck her blade, scattering it across the shadowy glade. The man whose name was ever-changing had only seconds to react, which sadly was just enough time for him to avoid being decapitated.

Instead, the blade scored a small hit against his shoulder, drawing forth a bloody line.

"Argh!" the man cried, lashing out. His fist caught Claudia in the stomach, sending her flying backwards. A moment later he followed up with another attack, this time sending a long, thin dagger speeding towards her in the darkness.

She managed to bring the sword up to deflect it, but apparently the weight of the blade had been greater than she had anticipated. The dagger ended up missing her heart, and finding her shoulder instead, pierced it through to the tree behind her, nailing her to the bark. Pain immediately contorted her pretty features, and she dropped her sword in her anguish.

"Enough!" the man cried, withdrawing another blade from some place unseen, "I have been Odd for far too long, and only your death will rectify that! Know that it was I, Forty-Three, who ended the line of Brent this night!"

Forty-Three, as he was now known, leapt forward, dagger outstretched.

Unfortunately for him, he would never arrive at his target.

A branch, swung by You Bugger with all of his strength, impacted the strange man, knocking him backwards. He hit a tree behind him with a satisfying _thump_ before sliding to the grassy floor.

"Fade!" You Bugger cried, throwing down the makeshift weapon.

"Here," Fade replied, stepping out from the shadows beside Claudia. If the branch had not worked, Forty-Three would have found something far more lethal coming his way...

"You... but how?" Claudia asked, going into shock. While the wound in her shoulder was by no means lethal, it still needed to be treated.

"The right place at the right time, I guess," You Bugger replied, moving closer. Together with Fade, they were able to free her, although they could not remove the dagger.

"Why... why risk your life... for a stranger?" she asked, eyes closing.

"Rule Nine, if you see someone in peril... help them," Bugger replied.

Claudia smiled in response, but there were no further words. Sleep had taken her into its gentle embrace.

"Fade?" Bugger asked, knowing his friend well.

Fade withdrew the tiny needle and vial, quickly secreting it in a pouch unseen.

"Just something for the pain, nothing more," he said, gently placing her into You Bugger's waiting arms.

Straightening, he turned his head to survey the park. When no other crazed killers materialized, he said, "We can't stay here. If a guard catches the two of us next to three dead bodies they won't even wait until dawn to hang us."

"Agreed," You Bugger said, moving forward. Claudia was light in his hands, almost as if the lightest breeze could send her skyward.

No. He needed her alive, in order to stop the Council from outlawing his way of life.

"Come on then, I know a place where no one will look," You Bugger said, leaving the park.

"Where?"

"The sewers."

"Why?"

"Because no one in their right mind would come looking for a princess in a beggar's hideout," You Bugger said, picking up his pace. He wanted to be long gone by the time Forty-Three regained consciousness.

As they sped through the night, he wondered if all of this could be resolved quickly and he could be ready to beg by first light.

It was his turn to beg by the eastern gate, his favourite spot.

However, something told him that his encounter with the Princess and Forty-Three was just the beginning of a great deal of trouble...

# Chapter 4: Sir Bugger

They reached the entrance to the sewers less than an hour later. Making sure that no one, maniacal murderer or otherwise, was watching, they descended into the underbelly of Garn.

As they approached the faint flickering of the beggar's candles, a great murmuring arose from the assembled vagrants. All of them had been out on the streets that day, and all of them had heard about the Princess' speech.

"What... what happened?" Julio asked, coming forward.

"She was attacked by a killer near the western gate," You Bugger replied.

Immediately Julio's gaze swivelled towards Fade. Their odd friendship was an open secret, with the majority of the beggars accepting it for what it was.

But not Julio.

He believed that Fade had been sent to assassinate him, due to his perceived importance, and that he was merely using You Bugger in order to get close enough to strike.

"Fade was with me, Julio," You Bugger said, mildly exasperated, "He helped me rescue her."

At the mention of his involvement two words sprung up and spread amongst the beggars.

Sir Bugger.

"I didn't do anything that any of you couldn't have done, honestly," he said, trying to prevent more rumours from spreading.

But that did not quieten the men and women standing before him.

"But enough about what was, we need to focus on what is. She needs a healer and a place to rest."

"She can have my bed," Julio said, bowing slightly, "It would be an honour."

"Thank you, Julio. Now, where is the Good Doctor?"

"I shall fetch him, Sir Bugger," Bucktooth announced, before hobbling off deeper into the sewers.

In truth, You Bugger would have preferred to send for a proper doctor who had at least seen a medical school from afar, but no doctor would have answered the call of a beggar, not least one claiming that the Princess of Brent was their patient.

No, the Good Doctor would have to do.

You Bugger only hoped that he would not suggest stabbing her in the other arm in order to even her out...

*

"The wound was a clean through and through," the Good Doctor said, as he cleaned his instruments. They were spotless, which was an impressive feat given their current situation.

"So she won't lose the arm?"

"Thankfully not, although she will need to keep it bandaged for at least a week and avoid any heavy lifting."

"I don't think princesses do any heavy lifting in any case, but thank you," You Bugger said.

The Good Doctor nodded before returning to Claudia's side. She was still sleeping, apparently whatever Fade had given her was meant for men twice her size...

"Do you think she will be safe here?" You Bugger asked, staring at his old friend.

Fade glanced towards her before replying, "She is surrounded by men and women who would fight to the death for a single copper coin, a master assassin and, well, you..."

"I have no fighting ability," You Bugger replied, somewhat testily.

"Right, and I don't kill people for money," Fade answered, with a chuckle.

You Bugger said nothing.

"But she cannot stay in the sewers forever, especially not with that man hunting her," Fade said, sighing.

"You sound as if you know who he is?"

"I do," Fade replied, "I would be a failure of an assassin if I didn't."

"So he's famous?"

"Amongst assassins? Very. He is ranked third out of all of us, you know. Whoever hired him must have had a fortune in gold in order to afford him, especially if the target is royalty."

"Just our luck," You Bugger sighed, "We try and go for a walk and we end up getting caught up in an assassination attempt by one of the most dangerous men in Alm, targeting the Princess herself, no less..."

"It may not have been fortunate for us, but it certainly was for the Princess. If we hadn't been around she most certainly would have died, and Forty-Three would have become Forty-Four..."

"I suppose. Why does he change his name like that anyway?" You Bugger asked, hoping to finally sate his curiosity.

"He wants everyone to know exactly how many people he has killed, either as a point of pride or to intimidate his targets, I'm not sure. Since he is constantly changing his name, we at the Bureau have taken to calling him Nok," Fade said, leaning back against the cool stone. He looked troubled, which was not a look he wore very often.

"Nok?"

"Number of Kills. And while forty-three people might not sound like a great number for an assassin, keep in mind that he only graduated six months ago. For a new graduate to go from nothing to rank three in six months is nothing short of incredible. He is dangerous, but there is something about him that unnerves even myself..."

You Bugger raised an eyebrow.

"He is mad... half of the time..."

"Only half?" You Bugger asked, incredulously.

"Well, more like whenever he has an odd number of kills, he becomes unhinged. When he's Even he can be reasoned with, but when he's... Odd... run."

"I'll try and keep that in mind."

A moment later, another thought stole over him.

"Fade... he's Odd right now..."

"I know," Fade replied, and for the first time in his new life, You Bugger saw an expression on Fade's face that he had never expected to see...

Fear.

*

Eventually, Fade had left the sewers, promising to keep a lookout for Nok and try and keep him away from Claudia if possible. You Bugger, exhausted beyond belief, finally went to bed.

He woke up a few restless hours later, hoping that his princess problem had magically resolved itself.

But no, Claudia was still there, sleeping peacefully in Julio's makeshift bed. The sword she had taken from the unfortunate mercenary lay beside her, retrieved from where it fell by Fade. The Good Doctor had bandaged her injured shoulder and she now held it against her body.

She looked as though she had not a care in the world, despite having a madman on her trail.

At least You Bugger had made enough money during the day to pay for her bandages, leaving only the silver coin he had received from Claudia in his possession.

"Sir Bugger, you have been summoned," Bucktooth said, appearing from the tunnel leading to the sewer's central chamber.

You Bugger nodded. He had known that this would happen. No one brought an injured princess into the beggar's hideout without a few questions being raised.

He followed Buck into the central area, noting that almost all of the beggars had gathered. In the world above the sun had already risen, signifying the start of another day of begging.

And yet here they were, forsaking coin in favour of answers.

When Julio saw him approach he turned to the assembled beggars and announced, "I now call to order the Council of None! You Bugger the beggar, please step forward!"

You Bugger did so.

"I have called this Council together for only one purpose. As the one who has brought an injured stranger into our home, and a princess no less, I have but one question... What in the Abyss is going on?" Julio said, sounding baffled, and You Bugger honestly couldn't blame him.

You Bugger thought for a moment before answering.

"Julio, honoured Council, I tell naught but the truth. While I was taking a nightly stroll, I came across the Princess being attacked by an assassin by the name of Nok. Thanks to a great deal of luck I was able to rescue her and bring her here so that her wounds might be treated. That is all," he said, hoping that they would not ask about Fade.

A great murmuring immediately rose from amongst the Council of None, with many repeating the phrases 'assassin' and 'Sir Bugger'.

Julio, clearing his throat in order to bring about silence, faced You Bugger and asked, "Are we safe from this... Nok? Or will he come here and kill all of us in his quest to slay the Princess?"

"We are safe, for now," You Bugger replied, hoping that he was telling the truth, "I made sure that I was not followed and I doubt he would look for a princess in a sewer. However, that will not keep her safe for long. The sooner she is gone from this place, the better!"

"I couldn't agree more," called a soft voice from behind him.

Turning, he saw who had spoken.

Claudia, carrying her borrowed blade in one hand and holding the other tight to her chest, entered the chamber.

Immediately, the beggars panicked as they tried to both rush to her side and bow in respect simultaneously, resulting in an embarrassing pileup.

Surprisingly, Claudia did not laugh at the sight of this. Instead, she looked rather... collected.

Even wounded and in an unfamiliar environment surrounded by the undesirables of the world, Claudia remarkably kept her calm.

That, if nothing else, earned her a small amount of respect in You Bugger's book.

"Thank you, for saving me," she said, turning towards him and flashing him a weary smile.

"I was simply following the rules," You Bugger said, dropping into a small bow, "Your Royal Bacheloress."

"I wonder about that..." Claudia replied, before turning to face the Council.

"Esteemed Council of None, I thank you for the kindness you have showed me. Truly, if not for all of you, I would not have survived the night. For that, you have my eternal gratitude. However, my need is still great. A man is hunting me, and no doubt more will follow even if we were able to defeat him."

"Could we not simply summon the guard, Princess?" Matilda asked, in a small voice.

"If I could, I would never have had to stoop to using mercenaries. The truth is that my position, while great, is at the same time fragile. Until I complete my journey, the kingdom will only regard me as a potential heir to the throne. At this moment, the only power I wield is this sword and the small amount of coins in my possession."

"But aren't you the future ruler of Brent?" Scar asked, almost sarcastically.

"Yes, but until I complete the Royal Rites, I will continue to be locked out of both my wealth and my authority. For this reason I am journeying towards Sun's Rest, so that I might complete the Rites and gain the power to uncover the proponents of this plot against my life!"

"Our hands and feet are yours, well, those that remain, oh Princess," Smelly Joe said, to a small cheer, "Although I cannot think of how we might be able to help you..."

Claudia appeared to think for a moment, before replying, "I need only two things from you, and I believe that you will be able to provide both. First, I need a safe way out of Garn, and second, I need a protector to watch my back as I make my way towards Sun's Rest."

"I can disguise her to look like one of us!" called Queenie, a beggar who had been placed in charge of maintaining and repairing their outfits. It was a difficult job, You Bugger had discovered, as she had to keep the beggars warm without making them appear too fortunate.

No one wanted to give coins to a beggar who looked as though he didn't need it.

So plenty of patches... but no holes.

"Thank you, Queenie!" Julio cried, "And I am sure that Buck will be happy to escort you to the southern gate! It will be less guarded than the eastern and northern gates, and will not bely your final destination."

"Thank you, all of you," Claudia replied, a true smile lighting up her features. If he had not seen it for himself, he would have never believed that she had been fighting for her life only a few hours ago.

"Now, for a protector... Perhaps I could be of aid?"

The Council immediately fell silent.

Irritated, Julio let out a huff and asked, "Fine then, who would you pick?"

Almost instantly, a great cry rose up from the Council, saying, "SIR BUGGER!"

*

You Bugger felt their eyes upon him.

"I refuse," he replied, a moment later.

Their gazes intensified.

"Look here, I already risked my life to save her! Shouldn't someone else have a turn?"

"No one else knows what this Nok fellow looks like, You Bugger," said Buck, looking at him with such expectation.

"I just want to beg in peace!"

"There won't be any peace if the Princess is murdered!" cried Julio.

"I would be a horrible protector!"

"You protected me just fine!" said Matilda, smiling.

"No. NO! Find someone else!"

"There is no one else, Sir Bugger," said Scar, wearing a look of amusement.

"Why do we even have to help her in the first place?" You Bugger asked, growing desperate, "I mean, how would it look, a princess asking a bunch of beggars for help? No one would take her seriously after that..."

That seemed to have an effect. The beggars grew quiet, seemingly stumped to come up with any more reasons.

And then, in a quiet voice from the back of the chamber, a phrase was uttered.

"Rule Twenty," whispered Michel, the beggar cook.

The phrase was repeated again and again, growing into a chant.

You Bugger tried to recall the rules which Mound had taught him, all that time ago. For the life of him, he couldn't remember a Rule Twenty.

"What in the Abyss is Rule Twenty?"

"Rule Twenty: If a princess asks for aid, provide it," replied Julio, with a smug expression.

"Is that really what the rule says?" You Bugger asked, doubtful.

"Yes," replied Michel, "Honestly I never expected to have to follow it, but these are strange times..."

"Seriously? We seriously have a rule that states that we have to help any princess who asks us? Why would a beggar ever need that rule?!?" You Bugger shouted, seeing his future unfolding before him. His dream of quietly begging beside his favourite wall seemed to move further away with every word the Council said.

"For occasions like this," Julio said, savouring his victory.

"It would only be as far as Sun's Rest," Claudia added, coming towards him, "And if you felt as if your life was in danger, I would not stop you from running away..."

You Bugger sighed. He knew when he was beaten.

"For this service, I will give you all that your heart desires," Claudia said, moving to face him.

"I doubt it," You Bugger sighed.

"The treasury of Brent is no small sum, You Bugger the beggar. Do you think that it could not satisfy your greed?"

"What I meant, Princess, is that what I want is not wealth or status."

"What is it that you want, then?" she asked, clearly mystified.

"A quiet street corner, where I can beg in peace," he said, sighing louder.

"You truly do not desire wealth?" she asked, looking as if she could not begin to imagine such a thing.

"I do not. However, I do desire peace, and if by helping you I can attain it, then I offer you my services... on one condition."

She looked at him, seeming to see him again for the first time, before asking, "I hope that you are not going to ask for my hand in marriage, You Bugger. True, as a royal I have the power to name my husband, but he must be someone I find worthy... I am afraid that a beggar, however noble in spirit, would simply not suffice..."

"I do not ask your hand, Royal Bacheloress," he said, shivering slightly at the prospect, "I merely wanted a favour. Once you have ascended the throne, I want you to promise me that you will do everything in your power to prevent the Council of Nine from outlawing begging..."

"Oh... I see," she asked, sounding strangely upset, "You ask not for yourself then, but for your comrades? Very well, I shall honour your noble request. Once I have claimed my birthright, I will see to it that no harm befalls the beggars of Brent. You have my word."

You Bugger nodded. It was the least he could ask for.

"Now, before we set off, there is one more thing I wish to do. The manner in which your friends refer to you has reminded me of a power that I still possess. It ought to be performed in the throne room with a full accompaniment of attendants and squires, but beneath the sewers of Garn and surrounded by beggars will have to do..."

Raising the sword with some difficulty, she placed the tip against his shoulder.

Oh no...

"You Bugger, for your services to the Kingdom of Brent and to me personally, I see fit to grant you the title of Knighthood. I hereby proclaim you, Sir Bugger!"

"You can't do that!" You Bugger protested, gently removing the blade from his cloak.

"Actually, Sir Bugger, I can," Claudia replied, before letting out a small laugh.

Before he could process what had just happened, the Council of None swarmed him, shaking his hand and congratulating him.

In the chaos, he saw Queenie approach Claudia and take her by the hand, leading her away from the central chamber.

And just like that, his dream of peace died and was replaced with a cruel reality.

He had hoped to leave his old life behind after arriving in Garn, but that was seeming less likely with every passing second...

*

An hour later, Claudia and Queenie reappeared.

However, Claudia was no longer a princess.

For how could she be, looking like that?

Her emerald riding dress was gone, replaced by a mass of blue and brown rags covered with a dirty white cloak. Her silvery hair had been dyed black by some unknown substance which gave off a rather pungent aroma. Her fair skin had been dirtied and marred, leaving only her pale-blue eyes untouched.

No one would ever mistake the woman before him for the Princess of Brent.

Well, that was the point, after all...

"How do I look?" Claudia asked, giving a little twirl. As she did so, several motes of dust floated skywards.

"Like a beggar," You Bugger replied, trying to preserve the image in his mind. It wasn't every day that one witnesses a princess dressed like a beggar, after all.

"Perfect!" she replied, her smile cracking through the layer of dirt which now adorned her face.

"You sound as though you are enjoying yourself," he said.

"Well, in a way, I am," she replied.

"Even though there is an assassin hunting you?"

"Strangely, yes," she said, chuckling.

"Speaking of assassins, how is your shoulder feeling?" he asked, noticing that she was no longer holding her injured arm tight against her body.

"Much better," she replied, lifting her arm to prove it, "Whoever that doctor is, he's far superior to some of the men who claim that title in the capital... In fact, I don't think I feel any pain at all..."

You Bugger smiled, glad that the Good Doctor had done his job well.

"Your majesty, we have done as you asked..." called a small voice.

A moment later, one of Queenie's helpers came forward carrying a long bundle of wrappings. With her good hand, Claudia took the bundle and handed it to him. Curious, he undid one of the wrappings, finding polished steel reflecting back at him.

"It is customary for all knights of the kingdom to carry a Knightsword, and seeing as that blade's owner is no longer around, I saw fit to give it to you. Since I cannot wield it myself, I am hoping that you will use it to defend me against any perils we might face on our journey."

Rewrapping the sword, You Bugger sighed and said, "Thank you... Royal Bacheloress... for this... gift."

The sword already weighed heavily in his hands, although he knew that that had nothing to do with its size.

"Please, call me Claudia," she said, smiling, "If I am to pass as a beggar I must speak as one, no?"

"As you wish... Claudia. Although we will need to figure out a new name for you to use once we are underway."

Claudia nodded, before saying, "Speaking of names, I hear that it is tradition for knights to name their Knightswords after something they value most. Some call their blades 'Valour' or 'Honour', so tell me, what does a beggar value most of all?"

You Bugger thought for a moment, before replying, "Generosity."

*

Half an hour later, You Bugger and Claudia were ready to leave. He had placed _Generosity_ on his back, secured to his body with a multitude of straps and knots.

"Won't it be difficult to draw your sword like that?" Claudia asked, when she saw the makeshift sheath.

"Trust me, that won't be a problem," You Bugger replied.

Claudia nodded in reply, no doubt believing that he had some special technique or stance that would allow him to draw forth the blade in a moment's notice.

The truth, however, was he was simply not going to draw it in the first place. Violence begets violence, he had learnt, but few men would attack a seemingly unarmed beggar for no reason...

He hoped.

Gathering up the rest of his things, he turned to face the assembled beggars. Most of them had already gone on ahead, spreading out into the city and reporting back on any suspicious activity. If Nok was still in the city, he would be hard-pressed to pass through it without crossing a beggar's path.

Buck waited above, ready to escort them to the southern gate.

"Now, remember what I told you," Queenie said, addressing Claudia, "If your face loses its grimy sheen, apply a half and half mixture of dirty water and day old manure, and it will have you looking your worst in no time!"

"Thank you... Queenie," Claudia said, with a somewhat strained smile. Despite her earlier bravado, You Bugger knew that she was still struggling to process everything that had happened.

"You Bugger, guard her with your life, understand?" Julio said, facing You Bugger.

You Bugger nodded in agreement. So long as he didn't complete the verbal contract, he could always claim that Julio had merely been making a suggestion instead of a binding order...

Not that any court in the kingdom would entertain such a nonsensical case...

"And now, I bid you all farewell," Claudia announced, taking a moment to meet every beggar's eyes, "You have all performed a service to your kingdom which shall not be forgotten, I promise you. When next we meet... I hope to be... no, _I will_ be queen. Until then, goodbye."

The assembled beggars mumbled a reply, clearly still not used to being around royalty.

A moment later, You Bugger and Claudia left the sewers, finally re-joining the word above.

*

Buck met them at the concealed entrance, beaming a toothy smile.

Well, it would have been a normal smile for anyone else...

"All set?" he asked them.

"Yes. Lead the way," You Bugger replied.

Buck nodded, gesturing for them to follow him. Instead of heading towards the main thoroughfare, he took them on a winding path that snaked its way towards the southern gate. They took turn after turn, often doubling back on themselves and moving through narrow alleyways which could not have been traversed by those with any kind of a gut.

Thankfully, beggars and princesses were both known to have slender figures, although for very different reasons.

By the time they approached the gate, You Bugger was impressed. Buck had clearly put a lot of thought into the route he had taken them on. Only a local, and a well versed one at that, could have possibly followed them.

Perfect for losing any potential out-of-town assassins...

"I don't see any sign of Nok," whispered a shadow to You Bugger's left.

Apparently they could still be followed by at least one assassin...

You Bugger nodded, but did not reply. From the looks of it, Fade's words had been meant for him alone. It was a handy skill, to project one's voice in such a way that only the recipient heard it, and they had used it to great effect on many an occasion.

A second later, the shadow lightened, almost imperceptibly.

"We're clear," You Bugger said, motioning for Buck and Claudia to follow him. They looked hesitant for a moment, before doing so.

Only a few paces away lay the southern gate. A few travellers, mostly merchants and farmers, passed through as they watched. Two guards, metal helmets polished but eyes dull, stopped each person for a quick inspection. However, they did not seem to be especially vigilant, and almost every traveller passed through the gate soon after.

"I wish you luck," Buck said, placing a heavy yet comforting hand on each of their backs.

"Thank you," Claudia replied.

"Keep a bowl of stew warm for me," You Bugger said, "This won't take long."

He hoped that by the end of this, he would still have a tongue with which to eat that stew...

*

"Prepare for the changing of the guard!" a stern voice cried out, as You Bugger and Claudia crossed the halfway mark to the gate.

The two guardsmen immediately sprung to attention, barking orders for the travellers to step back. From the west, two new guardsmen strolled forwards, ready to relieve their comrades.

The one on the right was unremarkable.

The one on the left... was Captain Kieran.

"Bugger."

When Claudia looked at him, he mouthed 'guard captain' and she immediately spat out a curse word that no princess should know.

"Follow my lead and keep your mouth closed," he whispered, moving forwards.

A moment later, they stood before the gate. In stark contrast to the departing guardsmen, Kieran was checking each and every traveller, interrogating many to the point of tears.

"You Bugger and companion, seeking passage through the southern gate," You Bugger announced, once they reached the front of the queue. He tried to keep his head down and his eyes in shadow, hoping that Kieran would simply let them pass without comment.

Well, there was a first time for everything...

Captain Kieran took a moment to study them, before replying, "Ah, if it isn't the worst beggar in all of Garn... and a friend? Tell me, for what reason do you wish to leave our fair town? Did the people finally grow tired of your antics and threaten to throw you out?"

"Ha-ha, a fine joke, Captain," You Bugger replied, through gritted teeth, "But thankfully my reasons for leaving are more... joyous..."

"Oh?"

"Yes. You see, I have been fortunate to find myself a wife," he said, gesturing to Claudia.

He heard the sharp intake of breath, both from her and the guard captain, and smiled a little smile to himself.

"Impressive, You Bugger! You managed to find the only blind beggar in all of Garn!" Captain Kieran laughed, although his face was devoid of mirth.

"Hilarious as always, Captain," You Bugger replied, cursing the man in his mind, "Now, if you would let us pass, we will be on our way to Revere, so as to begin our honeymoon..."

"Don't tell me, you plan to beg there as a couple?" Captain Kieran exclaimed, with a mocking tone.

You Bugger said nothing. If Kieran knew who really stood before him, he would most certainly be singing a very different tune...

When You Bugger failed to reply, Kieran shook his head and sighed, "Very well, you may pass. However, in the interests of security we have to take down the names of every person who passes through Garn. So, what is the name of the... unfortunate woman, who agreed to be your wife?"

You Bugger paused for a moment. In his head, he had prepared half a dozen names for Claudia to use, and yet, with Kieran staring at him, he suddenly found himself unable to remember even a single one.

As the silence became uncomfortable, Kieran's eyes narrowed. He was clearly growing suspicious.

"Well?" he asked, eventually.

"Her name is... it's..." You Bugger fumbled.

Obviously picking up on his struggle, Claudia came closer and whispered, "Felicity..."

Straightening, You Bugger looked at Captain Kieran and proudly proclaimed, "Her name is... Simplicity!"

From behind him, he heard Claudia exclaim, "You _little_ bugger!"

"Now, now, dearest, it's _just_ You Bugger, remember?" he replied with a small chuckle. If he was to accompany her on this dangerous journey, he should at least be able to get some enjoyment out of her, no?

"How... fitting," Captain Kieran said, "You Bugger and wife Simplicity, I hereby grant you permission to pass through the southern gate. Garn will welcome you, should you return... although I'm really hoping that you won't..."

You Bugger and 'Simplicity' bowed their heads as they walked passed him, both letting out a sigh of relief once they were through the gate.

When they were almost out of earshot, he heard Captain Kieran sigh and exclaim, "Good riddance!"

And then they were away. Towards an uncertain future.

Pursued by a relentless assassin...

Well, it may not be an easy or peaceful journey... but at least it would be an interesting one...

# Chapter 5: The Lowroad

"You're going the wrong way," Claudia moaned, as she walked beside You Bugger.

"With all due respect, darling, I'm not," You Bugger shot back. They had not even been together an hour, and yet already he was itching for a divorce...

"Yes, you are. I have studied every map in the royal library. I know every road and river from Sun's Rest to Port Argos, and I know that you are currently leading us away from where we need to be going."

You Bugger looked at her. Even though she was dressed in rags and covered in filth, her attitude had not changed.

"Is that so? Well then, where would you have us go?"

Claudia let out a little sigh, sounding as if she were about to educate a stubborn child who really should have known better.

Perhaps in her mind, she was...

"The Highroad. It runs the breadth of the kingdom and is well-guarded and well-maintained. You might not have seen it, being from Garn, but it is the fastest way to Sun's Rest."

"I see. It certainly does sound very attractive... however, you must remember that we have an assassin on our heels. If this... Highroad, is as well-used as you claim, would that not be the first place he would look for us?"

Claudia said nothing for several long seconds.

Eventually, she said, in a rather grumpy tone, "Fine then, where would you suggest we go?"

You Bugger took a moment to savour the embarrassed blush lighting up her cheeks before replying, "Why, the Lowroad, of course!"

*

After nearly an hour of silent trudging through the forest that surrounded Garn, they emerged and found themselves staring at a gully running perpendicular to them. It was barely twenty feet wide, with steep sides that rose roughly thirty feet from floor to lip. Unless you were right beside it, it was all but invisible.

"The Lowroad, I presume?" Claudia asked.

"Indeed. I take it that it wasn't marked on any of your precious maps?"

Claudia shook her head.

"I didn't think so. It was made by the downtrodden for the downtrodden, after all. A secret path for those who wish to remain unseen, and a safe haven from persecution by those who claim to see all."

"Why should anyone fear those in power? The guards and guides on the Highroad exist in order to keep those who travel on it safe from beasts and brigands. No one should be forced to travel in secret, so far from safety..."

"I agree, or, I would, if the world actually worked as it does in your head. In reality, guards exist to guard the wealthy, guides will save you if you have coin, and those in power often have far too much of it. The people who walk the Lowroad do not do so out of dubious necessity. No, they do so because it is the only place where they can walk tall, unmolested and unrestrained. If not for the Lowroad, I estimate that the kingdom's foot traffic would be cut in half."

Claudia said nothing. It was an entirely foreign concept to her, of course. Sitting in the palace, compared to being beside the lowest of the low... it must have been quite the shock to her sensibilities...

"I see. Thank you, You Bugger, for showing me this. I guess this proves that I still have a lot to learn before I become queen..."

You Bugger nodded, impressed by her humility.

"Just so long as you _do_ learn from this, then you will become a great queen," You Bugger said, as gently as he could manage.

Claudia nodded, before setting forth.

*

A few minutes later, they found themselves on the Lowroad, having stumbled across what looked like a man-made access path. The road behind was deserted, and the road ahead was obscured by a shimmering heat haze.

The day had warmed up whilst they had walked, and the sun now beat upon their backs with a relentless fury. They had water, and a few small parcels of food, but they would not make it to Sun's Rest on such paltry provisions alone.

*

Two hours of trudging in silence later, and they met their first traveller. He was coming from the opposite direction, leading a donkey laden with heavy looking bags. A merchant, afraid of being 'taxed' by those on the Highroad, or a smuggler, trying to sneak past the law unnoticed; You Bugger wasn't sure which, and at that moment, he didn't care.

When he was finally within speaking distance, he stopped. Wordlessly he put his hand into one of the bags, but did not drawn anything forth.

A weapon, most likely.

"Well met, fellow trav- Claudia started to say, until You Bugger elbowed her and motioned for her to shut up.

The man, arm still concealed, looked to them and asked, "A day old bread roll and a cup of honeyed water?"

Claudia's face, understandably, bore a look of pure confusion.

You Bugger, on the other hand, relaxed his body and replied, "Three copper coins."

"What are you talking about?" Claudia asked, but her question went unanswered.

Instead, You Bugger faced the traveller and said, "A bowl of Squeaker Stew and a bag of powdered ale?"

The man seemed to think for a moment, before replying, "Five copper coins... provided there aren't any tails in the stew."

You Bugger nodded in response.

The two men stared at each other for a few more seconds, before simultaneously breaking out into laughter. The traveller withdrew his hand, still empty, and raised it into the air.

You Bugger followed suit, a heartbeat later.

"Well met, friend," the man said, before lowering his hand.

"Well met, indeed!" You Bugger replied, before doing the same.

With the greeting complete, the man resumed his steady pace, gesturing for his beast to do the same. He passed them a few seconds later, and a minute after that, he had disappeared out of sight.

Claudia, with good reason, was staring at You Bugger with a look of disbelief.

"What... what in the Abyss just happened?"

"The Copper Code," You Bugger replied, knowing that that would not explain things, and yet relishing her confused expression.

"The Copper Code?"

"A Code developed for and used by those who use the Lowroad. Whenever two strangers cross paths on the road, they use it to determine if they are in the presence of a lowborn or a highborn. They name an item or several that any lowborn would know the price of by heart, but that a highborn would either never purchase for themselves or would have a servant buy for them."

"And if the other person gets the price wrong?"

"We ask them politely, yet firmly, to leave."

"I see..." Claudia replied, looking contemplative.

With no further travellers on the horizon, they resumed their march.

*

It was midday when they finally found a break in the path. In the time since their first encounter with the stranger, they had met nearly a dozen more.

"So, if I understand this, a fistful of miscellaneous mince costs two copper coins, but if you find a bug's leg inside the price rises to four coppers? But why would the price _increase_ if they found parts of an insect inside their food?" Claudia asked, struggling to wrap her head around the intricacies of the Copper Code.

"That's easy," You Bugger replied, walking beside her, "More protein, more coins."

Claudia visibly trembled as she processed his words.

"Part of being a beggar means doing things that others would find repulsive. If you can't slurp down a rat tail before asking for seconds, then you aren't cut out to be one of us."

"But... don't you wish for... more?"

You Bugger shook his head.

"I _had_ more, and it never did me any good."

Claudia said nothing for a while.

Eventually, she stopped and stared at him.

"You truly don't want anything more from life? You don't want to be rich? Successful? You don't want people to bow when they see you, and cheer when they hear your name?"

You Bugger sighed. It wasn't the first time he had been asked that question.

"I live by a simple philosophy, you know. Take only what the world gives you, and not a coin more."

"Well, this world hasn't given you much..." Claudia said, glancing at his rags.

"It has given me enough. It has given me a purpose, and a way of life that I love. That is more than I will ever need..."

"I don't understand," Claudia said, and from what You Bugger could tell, she meant it.

"No... I don't suppose you do..." he said with a sigh. No one, aside from Fade, had ever understood him. Not even the other beggars, for whom a life greater than what they had was forever their goal...

As the thought crossed his mind, he was reminded of an old friend.

A beggar who became... more.

"Enough of dreams," he said, picking up his feet, "They are priceless, but ultimately they don't fetch much of a price. No, for now we need to focus on what is in front of us."

"And that is?"

"Respite," You Bugger said, pointing to the building which had just appeared on the horizon.

*

They arrived at the double storey wooden building a few minutes later. It looked out of place, sitting just off to the side of the Lowroad. Its windows were for the most part unbroken, and its roof appeared to have been recently re-shingled.

"An inn? All the way out here?" Claudia asked.

"Of course," You Bugger replied, "Wherever there are travellers, there are inns, no? Just because their stomachs are usually closer to the ground, it doesn't mean that they don't suffer hunger and desire drink like everybody else."

"You've been here before?"

"A few times. It is run by an old friend and an ex-beggar."

Claudia raised an eyebrow, before turning to read the sign hanging above the door.

"The Spendthrift's Seclusion," she read aloud.

"It is a place of peace and understanding," You Bugger said, moving to open the heavyset door, "We will find rest here."

However, as he opened the door, a harsh voice cried out, "JUST TRY IT, YOU HALF-ROTTEN SNAKE-SPAWN, AND I'LL SEND YOU TO THE ABYSS MYSELF!"

"Peace and understanding, huh?" said Claudia, wearing an unbearably smug smirk.

"Shut up," You Bugger replied.

"Really? Now is that any way to speak to your wife, hey, darling?" she said, with a playful tone.

Ignoring her, You Bugger entered the inn.

*

"OH YEAH?!? WELL YOU BETTER SAVE ME A SPOT, BECAUSE YOU'LL BE THERE BEFORE ME!"

After his eyes adjusted to the gloom, You Bugger took in the tableau before him.

Two men stood in the centre of the inn's bar, facing one another. Each had a weapon in hand, pointing it at the other. Neither man was smiling.

"Now, won't you please calm down? This isn't something that you need to fight over!" cried a third man, standing between them. He looked panicked, which meant that he had something to lose if a fight broke out.

"Mound," You Bugger said, addressing the panicked man.

Immediately, his eyes lit up when he saw who had spoken.

"You Bugger, as I live and breathe! You couldn't have come at a better time!"

"I doubt that..." Claudia whispered from behind him.

"It's good to see you, old friend," You Bugger said, walking towards the stand-off.

In response, the men shifted slightly, so that they had each other and You Bugger in their field of view. Their weapons, however, did not move.

"I'm going to count to five, and if this sewer-dweller isn't on his knees apologizing, then I'm going to start stabbing. Heck, I might even just close my eyes as I do so..." the man on the left growled, tightening his grip on the long knife in his hand.

"Now, now James, let's be reasonable, alright?" Mound stammered, his eyes focused on the blade that was mere inches away from his face.

"Mound's right," said the man on the right, wielding a heavy looking club, "You don't want to do anything stupid... although picking a fight with me is already the stupidest thing you could have done."

"Please, Alexander, don't provoke him!" Mound cried, turning his head to look at the club which could easily dent his skull.

"That's it!" James said, raising the knife into the air.

"You Bugger, a little help?!?" Mound screamed, as he tried to back away from the falling blade.

"HOLD!" You Bugger shouted, moving forwards.

Amazingly, the men obeyed.

*

Gesturing to both men, he said, with an orator's grace, "Brothers and friends, I have borne witness to your struggle. I have seen the sins of man, and I have observed the failings between you. You good sir, with sword and club, have wronged your brother! You, good man, with box and axe, have betrayed your kin. I ask you now; have you not wrought equal harm against one another? Have your sins not cancelled out? Will you let mercy enter your heart, and forgiveness stay your hand?"

"Uh..." James began, but You Bugger was not finished.

"I ask you, will you rise above this petty squabble, and become brothers once more? For there is no prize but death, no treasure but decimation, should you let this violence unfold. Do you think that they will tell tales of your valour? Do you think that they will sing songs of your courage? Wrong! All you will leave behind are widows and orphans, destitute and broken, who will curse your names until their early deaths!"

"Well..." started Alexander, looking confused.

You Bugger did not let him continue. Instead he reached out and placed a hand on each man's shoulder, saying, "So rise up, and become better men than your fathers! So hold fast, and become something that will inspire your sons! The choice is yours, will you fight like beasts or will you overcome your base desires? So make your decision, and make it now!"

Nothing was said for a long time. The entire bar had gone silent, as if they had been placed under a trance.

Perhaps they had been.

Eventually, James lowered the knife, before putting it into its sheath. He looked... embarrassed?

Alexander, in response, let his club fall to the floor. It let out a dull _thud_ as it impacted the wooden planks.

And yet even that did not break the spell.

Claudia, standing behind You Bugger, could only stare in amazement. However, even as she tried to process the scene unfolding before her, something about the words You Bugger had used summoned forth an old memory.

She had heard those words before.

But... how did You Bugger know them?

*

"Alright! Alright... I concede..." James said, looking bashful, "I'll pick up the tab this time! But next time, it's your turn!"

Alexander nodded, and the two men returned to their table, smiling once more.

"Wait... THAT'S WHAT THEY WERE FIGHTING ABOUT?!?" Claudia screamed in anger. A few of the bar's patrons turned to look at her, before catching her expression and suddenly finding something a lot more interesting in the patterns of their ale.

"Well, it is an important matter, around here..." Mound said, breathing a sigh of relief.

"Typical!" Claudia said, with an exasperated expression.

"Indeed. Ah, where are my manners!" Turning to Claudia he bowed and said, "My name is... well, everyone just calls me Mound, and this is my inn."

"This is... Simplicity, my wife," You Bugger said, turning back towards them.

"A wife? Now that is a surprise!" Mound exclaimed. When he saw Claudia's expression, he hastily added, "A welcome one, of course!"

"Yes... I... _couldn't_ be happier," Claudia said, in a strained tone.

Turning towards You Bugger, Mound placed a hand on his shoulder and said, "Thank you, my friend, for your assistance with those two. I daresay that they've most likely never heard such powerful words in their lives! Where did that come from, I ask?"

You Bugger seemed to think for a moment before replying, "Oh... it just sort of came to me... It may have been a bit over the top, but it seems to have worked..."

Mound nodded and, with a smile on his face, gestured for them to follow him. He led them to an empty table near to the window.

Once they had been seated, Mound gestured to a serving boy who quickly ran into the kitchen before returning with a tray piled high with food.

As the boy set it down, Claudia took in what lay before her.

Without meaning to, she immediately blurted out, "Fifteen coppers!"

Mound and You Bugger, after a moment of silence, started to laugh.

Claudia, embarrassed, started eating her Squeaker Stew, noting with no small amount of joy that there was no extra protein, as she had feared...

*

"So... how do you know You Bugger, Mound?" Claudia asked, in between slurps.

They exchanged a quick glance before Mound answered, "Hmm, well... I guess I was the first person he met after coming to Garn. He arrived in the night, looking for something. I shared a meal with him and, at his urging, taught him how to beg."

"So he's a beggar because of you?"

Another glance between the two beggars, one former and one current.

"Perhaps, but I do believe that he would have ended up as one whether he had met me or not. He's a natural, you know? I've never seen anyone take so quickly to the Art... Honestly, with his skills, he could have earned enough to leave begging behind in less than a year..."

"Mound..." You Bugger started.

"I know, I know," Mound said, sounding defensive, "But I will never forget what you said that day... the day I stopped being a beggar..."

"What happened?" asked Claudia, interested.

"Well, it was a few months after You Bugger came to Garn. We were making our way back to the sewers when we came across a hysterical noblewoman. Apparently she had been out shopping with her son when they had been separated, and in the confusion her son had been kidnapped by a band of brigands. She was begging everyone for help, but the guards were reluctant to move until dawn. It wasn't really our place to intercede, and yet, half an hour later, we found ourselves sitting outside their hideout..."

Turning to face You Bugger, Mound suddenly asked, "Come to think of it, how did you know where they were?"

You Bugger sighed and replied, "It was just dumb luck, Mound. I happened to see one of the kidnappers go inside when I was walking past."

"Oh... Well, there we were, a couple of beggars acting like knights. I wanted to go and fetch the guard, but You Bugger believed that they would be moving the boy to a different location soon, so we came up with a plan. Somehow, You Bugger managed to lure the bandits outside. While they were distracted, I went inside and freed the boy..."

Again, Mound seemed to realize a problem with his story when he asked, "Hold on... the next time I saw you the bandits were gone... but I heard that the guard found them all knocked unconscious in a dead-end alleyway... so how did that happen?"

You Bugger seemed to think for a moment before answering, "I guess I was lucky twice that night. When the kidnappers were chasing me I managed to lose them, but they accidentally ran into a group of mercenaries on their way back from the tavern. In their rage and panic, they started a fight... which didn't exactly end in their favour..."

"I see... Where was I? Oh yes, so we managed to reunite the noblewoman with her son without any problems. She was very... grateful, and rewarded us with ten gold coins each. In the span of an hour, I went from being destitute to having enough coin to escape poverty. And then... You Bugger did something that no one else would have done..."

"What did he do?"

"He gave me his share. With twenty gold coins in my purse, I left Garn and built this place. I even offered to employ You Bugger and pay him double the usual rate, but he refused. To this day I still cannot understand it..."

"It's simple, Mound," You Bugger said, placing a hand on his friend's shoulder, "I was merely repaying you for teaching me how to be a beggar. That lesson was priceless, and if I had had more gold I would have given it to you. As for employing me, my answer has not changed since the last time you asked. All I want to do is find a nice corner and spend my days begging..."

"You're a strange one, You Bugger, but a good man. Hopefully now that you have a wife, however, you will start to think about the future a little more seriously..."

You Bugger did not reply.

*

After they had finished eating, You Bugger excused himself, claiming he had to go and speak with a shadow...

Claudia assumed that it was a lowborn way of saying that he was going to the toilet...

In the silence that followed, Claudia found herself sitting across from Mound.

He seemed... sweet.

"You are a very lucky woman, Simplicity," he said, eventually, "You Bugger is one of a kind."

"I... am coming to realise that..."

"I must admit, I didn't think that that speech of his would work. James and Alexander are not known for being easily swayed once they commit to something..."

"Well, he was quoting the greatest peacemaker of all time," Claudia said.

"Oh? And who was that?" Mound asked, surprised.

"They called him the Good Knight."

"I've never heard of him..."

"I'm not surprised, since he doesn't really exist."

Mound looked understandably confused.

"He was the protagonist of an ancient tome, _The Good Knight_ , which was written in the Lawless Lands..."

"The continent our ancestors came from? That was centuries ago, how come you know about this book?"

Claudia sighed, recalling her childhood spent in that musty room.

"Because a copy exists in Brent... although it's missing a few pages. It's incredibly rare, and as far as I know, no one has a complete copy."

"So... You Bugger was quoting a book that he should never have had the chance to read?"

Claudia nodded.

"Well he is full of surprises... So, in this book, what did the Good Knight do?"

"He was... a peacekeeper, but unlike any the world had ever seen. Even though he was a knight, he carried no Knightsword. Instead, he relied on only his words to resolve conflicts. He was famous for ending duels, stopping feuds and reforming brigands using nothing more than a few sentences. The part that You Bugger quoted is near the end of the book, where the Good Knight convinces two kings to lay down their weapons and prevents a war that would have killed thousands..."

"Are you sure? Maybe it really was just a coincidence?"

Claudia thought back on his words. They fit the style of _The Good Knight_ perfectly, but it was still possible...

However, there was something far more unsettling.

The copy of the book in the Royal Library, which was widely regarded by many scholars as one of the most complete versions to exist... ended with the word... 'deaths'.

So... how had You Bugger known what to say afterwards...?

*

A few minutes later, they were standing outside the inn. Mound had insisted that they didn't have to pay for the meal, despite You Bugger's objections.

Having failed to convince his friend, You Bugger had left in a huff. Claudia savoured the image. It wasn't often that she saw him flustered, after all...

"Simplicity, thank you for stopping by," Mound said, handing her a package full of leftovers, "It puts me at ease knowing that You Bugger has someone at his side. He might be a little strange, but his heart is larger than anyone else I know. He might gripe and moan, but in the end, he will sacrifice everything for those around him. So long as you trust in him, he will not fail you..."

"Thank you, Mound, for your kindness. I will not forget your words..." replied Claudia, taking the package.

A moment later, she turned and left, following You Bugger. As she caught up to him, she slowed for a moment, taking in the sight of his silhouette in the fading light.

A lowborn man who knew ancient text.

A beggar who easily gave away a small fortune to help a friend.

And a untrained man who could speak better than an orator.

"Who are you really, You Bugger?" she whispered to his retreating form, "And why are you really helping me..."

# Chapter 6: Revere

"So... Grey Gruel and thickened water... that'll be... two coppers," Claudia said, facing the stranger.

He nodded in response, lowered his bow, and returned to the road.

Only after he was out of sight did Claudia relax.

It had been roughly three hours since leaving the Spendthrift's Seclusion, and they had already used the Copper Code a dozen times. The sun was edging closer to the horizon, and they would soon need to look for shelter.

Luckily, they were not far from a town.

"You're getting better at this," You Bugger said, "With a little more practice, you'll be able to fool anyone into thinking that you're a real beggar!"

Claudia smiled, but there was a tinge of sadness in it.

"As long as it's good enough to fool Nok, then I'll be happy. And as soon as I've completed the Royal Rites and claimed my inheritance, I shall send the entire garrison after that madman!"

She seemed to think for a second, before adding, "And then... I shall take the world's longest bath!"

You Bugger could not help but laugh.

*

A few minutes later, the town of Revere came into view. It was slightly smaller than Garn, and lacked a set of walls to protect the town. Instead, a moat surrounded the town, fed by the Black River, which cut the town into two halves. On one side lived the rich and powerful, and on the other... everyone else.

"Ever been here before?" You Bugger asked, gesturing to the town.

"Once, when I was a child. My parents took me to Sun's Rest in order to learn about my heritage, and we spent the night here... It was... beautiful."

"Well, I hope it goes as smoothly today as back then. Revere has been receiving more traffic as of late, and with more people, there are also more criminals. A particular gang, the Arbiters, have made Revere their home, and they are not picky when it comes to their targets. Even if you only have a single copper coin in your purse, they will try and take it. I recommend we try and cross the river before nightfall, as the security on the other side will be better."

"I see. Once more, you prove your worth as a guide, Sir Bugger," Claudia said, smiling.

You Bugger, in return, let out a sigh, "Thank you, although I still wish you had chosen someone else..."

*

Entering Revere went smoothly, and their cover story was believed unquestionably. They crossed the long drawbridge over the moat and soon found themselves in the town proper. For the most part, it was identical to Garn. There were shops and streets, beggars and buildings, and guards and gateways.

The only difference, really, was the air of trepidation that hung over the town. It was as if every man, woman and child was holding their breath a fraction of a second too long.

"Well met," You Bugger said, as he approached a beggar kneeling beside an uncluttered shop wall.

"Well met, and welcome to Revere," the beggar replied.

"Thank you, although I can't say that I'm feeling all that welcome at the moment..."

"My apologies," the beggar said, sighing, "We have had a hard few days."

"What happened?"

The beggar looked around before answering. No one was likely to pay him any attention, but it didn't hurt to check.

"Well... two days ago, the guard captain managed to round up a few Arbiters and put them in jail. Obviously, we were all exuberant, and many of us believed that the Arbiters time was finally up..."

"I'm guessing that that wasn't the case?" Claudia ventured.

"No. Yesterday morning, the guard captain's head was found in the town square. It was a clear message from the Ferryman, the Arbiters are here to stay..."

"Who is the Ferryman?"

"The leader of the Arbiters. No one is quite sure what he looks like, only that he takes great pleasure in guiding dozens of people towards the Abyss," the beggar said, with a shudder.

"I see... Thank you, for your assistance."

"Of course. Rule Eleven: No beggar is a beggar alone. If we don't look out for each other, who will?"

You Bugger thanked the helpful beggar once more before turning to leave. Together, they moved further into the town, towards the river, all the while seeing visions of Ferrymen and severed heads...

*

A few minutes later, with the sun straddling the horizon, they reached the Black River. It was an impressive body of water, more than three hundred feet wide and running from the Black Mountain to Dawnhold.

Standing beside the dock, hand resting against the thick rope which was used to move the ferry across, was a man.

"Good evening!" You Bugger called out, moving closer. The man nodded in response, but did not speak.

Strangely, the ferry was nowhere to be seen.

"We wish to travel across," Claudia added.

The man shook his head.

"The ferry is closed for the night," he replied, gesturing to the empty dock, "You got here half an hour too late."

"Can't you make an exception? We are in a hurry."

"No exceptions, no refunds, those are the rules."

"How about we pay double the normal rate?" Claudia inquired, and immediately You Bugger's blood ran cold.

No beggar would ever offer to pay _more_ for anything. They could spend an hour haggling to get a reduction of even a _single_ copper, but they would never pay more, even if it was a life or death scenario.

Understandably, the ferryman cast a suspicious glance towards the princess in disguise.

"Forgive me, friend, but my wife has had a long day and has spent most of it out in the sun. I fear that her mind is not her own..."

"It would appear that way, certainly," the man said, and yet he did not abate his gaze.

Trying to shift the conversation to a safer place, You Bugger asked, "What is the normal rate, may I ask?"

The ferryman's gaze swivelled to meet his and, without a moment's hesitation, said, "One silver coin."

"A silver coin? For two people to cross the river? That's way too much!"

The ferryman spat on the ground, "You misunderstand, beggar. It's one silver coin... each."

"That is robbery!" You Bugger cried.

"Careful, beggar," the ferryman said, with a smirk, "Folks around here are skittish enough already without you making a fuss..."

"You Bugger, what's the problem?" Claudia said, placing a slender hand on his arm, "We have more than enough silver coins to pay him."

You Bugger groaned internally. A real beggar would never disclose how much money they had on them unless they wanted to be relieved of most of it in short order...

"Again, it would appear that the heat has gotten to her. We will try and beg for the fare, and return first thing in the morning. Thank you for your... time."

"Always a pleasure to meet new... customers," the ferryman said.

Before Claudia could do any more damage, You Bugger took her by the arm and marched her back into town. Hopefully, the night would pass them by and they would soon be on their way across the river...

*

The town had grown quiet by the time they returned from the ferry. As always, the time that the town closed for business depended on those who moved through it. As soon as the last travellers had found lodging or left the town, the merchants packed away their wares, and the beggars, realizing that there would be no more chance for coin, disappeared into the night.

Very few people remained on the streets. The town guard, who huddled together in groups and cast fearful glances towards the shadows. The most optimistic shopkeepers, who would wear out their throats by continuing to cry for trade into the night. And, of course, two beggars who looked quite lost.

"How about that one?" Claudia asked, pointing towards a double storey building with a wooden sign declaring its purpose hanging over the well-kept entrance.

"Somnus and Sommelier," You Bugger read aloud.

"Well? It looks reputable, and we have more than enough silver to cover the night."

You Bugger sighed once more.

"Remember, _darling,_ that you are a beggar. Beggars, in general, sleep wherever the ground is softest. And if a beggar were, somehow, able to afford an inn, it would most certainly not be one where they can afford a real door _and_ an actual painted sign."

"Well, I'm not sleeping on the ground," Claudia said, stomping her foot on said earth to emphasize her point.

"Very well. Let us look closer to the town gate, where the less fortunate people always end up."

Claudia looked unhappy, but nodded in affirmation all the same.

Picking up their feet, the walked in silence for a time.

After a while, she looked at him and, with a chuckle, said, "You know, now that I'm aware of what it is like to be married, I am even more relieved that I did not accept any of the proposals that I have received."

"Oh? So how many men have had their hearts broken so far?"

Claudia closed her eyes as she tried to remember them, holding up a finger for each one.

A moment later, every finger was in the air.

"I would say... twenty? Although I doubt their hearts have been broken... more like their pride has been bruised. All of them, every last one, only saw the throne they would claim. Not a single man, not Lord Cussler, who looked as if he had eaten a few of his servants, nor Prince Osran, who was always drunk, wanted to fall in love with me."

"And no one even came close to rousing your interest?"

Claudia went silent for a moment, before sighing and replying, "There was one who I could have found myself marrying, had he learnt to keep his mouth shut. His name was Sir Aern, a knight who was formerly in my employ. He was a good man and a great knight, and we got along quite well. However, it came to my attention that the Council of Nine had put him up to proposing, promising him command of the army in exchange for becoming a puppet king."

"Did you banish him?"

"No," Claudia said, looking uncharacteristically sad as she spoke, "I told him to prove that he was worthy to marry me by going on a quest across the land, righting wrongdoing whenever he came across it. I was concerned that the Council might simply try again with another puppet after that, so I did not expose that I had discovered the truth. Better to let them think that he still had a chance with me..."

"Very clever," You Bugger said, and he meant it.

"Thank you, although in reality all I did was buy myself some time. Once I have completed the Rites and ascended the throne, the Council will quickly start demanding that I wed. If I have not found a suitable person by then, I fear that they might declare me incapable and choose someone for me..."

"Someone who is willing to follow their every order, I assume."

Claudia nodded.

"Well, then I guess you better find someone quickly then..."

Claudia looked at him for a moment, before smiling.

"I suppose I should..."

*

"The Scoff and Scarf," Claudia read, voice dripping with disapproval.

The low building, which appeared to have been constructed by someone both drunk and blind, stood... wobbled... before them.

The door, encouragingly, was actually a sheet hanging from three rusty nails hammered into the frame.

"It's perfect!" You Bugger said, whistling through his teeth.

"It's practically a ruin!" Claudia replied.

"If only!"

Claudia appeared to weigh her options for a moment before apparently giving up.

"Fine! Here," she said, handing him her coin purse after digging it out from... somewhere.

It was heavy with silver coins and was even bulging slightly at the seams. You Bugger had not held so much wealth in years.

Funnily enough, he could not wait to be rid of it. He, perhaps more than anyone else, knew just how many troubles came with such treasure.

"How many silver coins do you think it will cost?" Claudia asked, once again displaying the gaps in her knowledge.

"If we are lucky, we can haggle down the price to twenty coppers each. Anything more and we'll have to take our chances in the dirt."

Claudia opened her mouth to say something when a scream suddenly pierced the night.

"HELP ME!" a man's voice cried, seemingly coming from a nearby alleyway.

Silence followed the outburst.

Shaking his head, You Bugger turned towards the ramshackle inn.

"Wait, aren't you going to go and see what's happening?" Claudia asked, looking shocked.

"Rule Fourteen: Do not seek trouble," You Bugger said, as he tried to turn away.

"Wait, what about Rule Nine? If you see someone in peril, aren't you supposed to help them?"

"Yes, but I have to actually _see_ them in order for it to apply. It's a... what do you call it... a hole in the loop."

"I can't believe you!?! Have you forgotten that you are a knight now, _Sir_ Bugger? It is your sworn duty to help those who cannot help themselves!"

You Bugger looked from her to the alleyway and back again, trying to decide which one was more dangerous.

"PLEASE, WON'T SOMEONE HELP ME?" cried the voice once more, sounding even more imperilled.

"Argh! Fine!" You Bugger said, leaping towards the alleyway entrance, coin purse in hand and princess in tow.

*

The alleyway was longer than expected, and ended in a dead end. Standing with his back pressed tight against the brickwork was a man in the process of being robbed.

Standing before him, long knives gleaming in the moonlit gloom, were three thieves.

As soon as the unfortunate man saw You Bugger and Claudia, he let out a sigh and exclaimed, "I really think that the boss has lost it this time! I mean, how many coins can a couple of beggars really have?"

And then he saw the coin purse in You Bugger's hands.

You Bugger wanted to kick himself for making such a stupid mistake, but something told him that soon he would have no shortage of people willing to do it for him.

"Now, we haven't got much time, it's getting late and to be honest, my food is getting cold, so could we please skip the part where it takes you ages to figure out that this is a trap, and that we have five men standing behind you?"

You Bugger nodded, still angry with himself.

"If you wouldn't mind handing over any valuables you might have, including that delightful coin purse in your hands, we can get this over with. No bloodshed, unless you ask for some, I promise."

"How... kind of you," You Bugger muttered, preparing to throw the coin purse. It would seem that trouble had followed the treasure after all... as he had expected it would.

"You Bugger, what do you think you're doing?" Claudia asked, looking shocked.

"Now, is that any way to talk to your husband, tramp?" the lead thief asked, moving closer.

"My darling, I am simply trying to resolve this with as little violence as possible... What, pray tell, would you have me do?" You Bugger replied, with an exasperated tone.

"Well..."

"Would you have me be miserly and murdered instead?"

Claudia's eyes wandered across the scene, no doubt looking for anything to help them escape their current predicament. Eventually, her gaze fell across You Bugger's back.

"Of course not, my husband! In fact, in this situation... I believed that you should be very... _generous..._ " she said, winking as she did so.

"I see," You Bugger replied, with a smile.

She smiled in response, no doubt imagining the justice that was about to unfold. Well, he was not a man to disappoint...

"As you wish," he said, a second later.

And then he threw the coin purse.

*

Time seemed to slow to a crawl. In that frozen moment, three things happened.

First, Claudia's expression morphed from one of anticipatory glee to one of bewildered horror.

Second, every eye immediately refocused on the airborne wealth.

Third, unseen by everyone due to the aforementioned point, You Bugger reached behind his back and pulled at what could be misconstrued as an errant bit of cloth.

His hand found _Generosity's_ hilt and, with a complicated maneuverer that perhaps only Master Gladius -the best swordsman in Alm- could have also pulled off, he unfurled the blade.

Its sharpened edge did not find flesh or strike steel however.

No, instead his target was above.

_Generosity_ impacted the coin purse with enough force to split the already overworked seams and send its contents flying off in every direction.

The resulting silver rain thundered down upon the cobbles of the alleyway, scattered both the coins and the gazes which had previously been affixed to a single point in space. The thieves, caring more about money than murder, immediately dove towards the ground, determined to not let even a single coin be lost.

By the time all fifty coins had been recovered, the beggars were long gone...

*

"What were you thinking!?!" Claudia screamed, as soon as she had caught her breath. They had run without stopping for ten minutes, until they were roughly halfway between the town gate and the river.

Fortunately, none of the thieves had thought to follow them.

"I was thinking that you wanted to leave that alleyway with your head still attached to your shoulders!" You Bugger replied, in-between gasping for air.

"Of course I did, but I would have been a lot happier with a coin purse containing all of our wealth still in my hands!"

"It was the only way," You Bugger replied, "As soon as they found out how much that purse contained, they would have captured us and taken us to their hideout so that they could torture us and find out how we came upon so much wealth. After that... I believe that we would end up just like that unfortunate guard captain..."

"That may be, but you had a sword, and they only had knives! You could have beaten them easily!"

You Bugger sighed, wondering if he had ever been this deluded.

"In an alleyway fight, knives will always beat swords, especially if there are knives ahead and behind, and if the knives' owners know the area. And besides, I've never used a sword in my life, whereas I'm sure that those knives have been used to take dozens."

Claudia opened her mouth, and then closed it. Eventually she stomped her foot and said, "Fine! But from now on, I'm not letting you hold onto any more coins I come across!"

"Fair enough. Rule Seventeen: Do not beg from a beggar."

"Good. Now, what are we going to do for food and lodging? I doubt even the Scoff and Scarf would give us either for nothing..."

You Bugger thought for a moment before replying, "You know, there is somewhere where we can get both without having to spend even a single copper..."

"Well why didn't you say so earlier?"

"I figured that you wouldn't care to visit the place I am about to suggest."

"Why? Where do you plan on taking me?"

Smiling a toothy grin, You Bugger replied, "Why, the Beggar's Feast, of course!"

# Chapter 7: Vagrancy

You Bugger and Claudia crept through the town, eyeing every shadow and avoiding every sound. Slowly, they made their way towards the Old Town, which had been abandoned after the Black River had flooded it decades prior. A few attempts had been made to remove the floodwaters using a system of manmade channels and dykes, but ultimately the plan had been abandoned in favour of moving the town further south.

"Why would the beggars gather here?" Claudia asked, as she waded through the knee high water.

"No guards to hassle them, no thieves to rob them, and no people to mock them, why wouldn't they come here? I'm actually a little jealous, to be honest... Oh, why couldn't Garn have been built by the river..."

"Well, for starters, Garn is built over a couple of caverns which were excavated and mined for their garnets by the settlers of Alm, so if they were to ever be flooded, they would turn into sinkholes and swallow the town whole..."

"Ah, I guess I'll be thankful then, that we only have to worry about the Feathered Boa Constrictors and the Swamp Pythons in the sewers..."

"There are man-eating snakes in the sewers?" Claudia asked, eyes widening.

"Yeah, although we don't really worry about them too much. I mean, most of them get eaten by the rats anyway..."

"I see..." she said, shivering slightly.

"Anyway, we're almost there."

"And where exactly will we find these beggars?" Claudia asked, eyes straining to penetrate the gloom.

"They sleep in the abandoned mayor's mansion in the centre of the Old Town."

"So, beggars that sleep in a mansion, and an entirely hidden road running through my kingdom... I really have learnt a lot today..."

"And just think, you've only been a beggar for a single day! Imagine what you will learn tomorrow!" You Bugger said, with a proud grin.

"I shudder to imagine..." Claudia said, although she too wore a small grin.

*

A few minutes later, they waded into Revere's former town square. Looming above them, lower levels flooded but mostly intact, was the mayor's mansion. Unsurprisingly, a faint light shone through the grimy windows.

You Bugger went forward, towards a partially hidden rope ladder hanging from a second floor balcony. From what he could see, it was the only way inside.

"After you, my darling," he said, gesturing towards the frayed knots.

Claudia took a moment to prepare herself before attempting the climb. For a princess, she did surprisingly well.

You Bugger climbed up a few seconds later, making far less noise.

From the balcony, they made their way inside, following the light.

Almost immediately, they came across the ruined ballroom which had once occupied most of the second floor. It had been converted, with what appeared to be a great deal of hard work, into a home for the twenty or so beggars who were now staring at the two new additions.

"State your name and business, friend," said a beggar standing in the middle of the ballroom.

"I am You Bugger, of Garn, and this is my wife, Simplicity. We are travelling through to Copp in order to visit my ailing mother. We will be long gone by this time tomorrow, I promise."

"You Bugger... You Bugger... where have I heard that name before..." the beggar replied, speaking mostly to himself.

"If it helps, it's also a pretty common insult," You Bugger ventured.

"No, that's not it. I remember now! Sir Bugger of Garn! You saved my life when I travelled through there to attend the Soot! Those bandits would surely have killed me if you hadn't come when you did!"

He saw Claudia's confused expression and whispered the words 'beggar gathering' before turning back to the beggar before him.

"Please, friend, I was just passing by, and, of course, Rule Nine was in effect."

Immediately a chatter rose up amongst the beggars, with the words 'Rule Nine' being repeated often.

"Indeed, although I personally like that Rule, it has caused no shortage of troubles for beggars all over Alm. Sometimes I wonder if the Gods put it in as a form of punishment... since no other profession has anything remotely similar..."

"Perhaps, or perhaps it is a reminder that, no matter your station, an act of good can come from anyone... even a beggar," You Bugger said.

The beggars nodded in agreement, although some still looked doubtful.

"But enough about recollections and rules, my wife and I are tired and hungry, and we ask to join the Beggar's Feast, if we may..."

"Of course!" the beggar cried, motioning to his fellows to bring forth more bowls and cups, after which he gestured for You Bugger and Claudia to come closer to the centre of the ballroom, where a fire had been lit.

You Bugger soon held a cup of virgin grog and a bowl of stew in his hands.

"Excuse me, what kind of stew is this?" Claudia asked, as she received her bowl.

Immediately the room went silent.

"You want to know... what's in the stew?" asked the nearest beggar, eyes widening.

"Of course. How can I eat something if I don't know what it's made of?"

More beggars were starting to stare. You Bugger had to do something, fast.

"Come now, darling, remember what I told you! One should _never_ ask what's in a beggar's stew! Rule Thirteen, we can't be choosers, remember?"

Claudia looked blank for a moment before catching on.

"Ah, how silly of me!" she said, before taking a breath and dipping her spoon into the teal coloured broth.

After forcing herself to swallow the partially congealed stew, she sighed and uttered, "It's... wonderful..."

However, even with that display, many of the beggar's still wore looks of suspicion.

"You must forgive Simplicity, she has had a hard time adapting to this life. After all, she has only been a beggar for a few months now."

"What happened to her, if I might be so rude to ask?" asked one of the beggars.

"Well... what happened was..." You Bugger said, trying to recall the fabricated story that they had crafted whilst walking on the Lowroad, "She was... framed."

"Framed?" asked the beggar, looking doubtful.

"Yes, framed. She used to work for the Princess of Brent as a handmaid, until another of the Princess' handmaids stole her favourite dress, before placing the blame on Simplicity. The real thief had captured the heart of the captain of the royal guard, and manipulated him into arresting Simplicity for the crime. Without even being given a chance to defend herself, she was stripped of all of her possessions and cast out into the street... Unable to find a job due to her reputation, she eventually fled the capital and ended up in Garn, where I found her and started teaching her the Art."

"You poor thing..." the beggar whispered, before reaching out and placing her hand on Claudia's knee. Claudia, to her credit, did not pull away.

"Thank you. And I apologize for my earlier rudeness, I am simply trying to do right by my husband and learn the Art as quickly as I can."

"Not to worry dear, even the best of us make mistakes from time to time. Now, eat up before your stew hardens!"

Nodding, Claudia returned to her meal.

Inwardly, You Bugger breathed a sigh of relief.

Hopefully, they could keep up their subterfuge for a while longer still...

*

The following morning, Claudia did not ask what her soup was made from.

She was getting better.

While the beggars throughout the mansion carried out their morning routines, You Bugger and Claudia stood on the balcony overlooking the flooded Old Town. The sun, beginning its arduous trek across the sky, reflected off the settled water, turning the swamp into a million points of light.

It was beautiful, in an ugly sort of way.

Just like life, You Bugger mused, as he contemplated the view before him.

Claudia, however, was in no mood for thoughtful contemplation.

While she had avoided having to sleep on the ground, the sheets the beggars had provided had had so many holes they could have been cast into the river and used as nets. Additionally, the fire had died out in the middle of the night, plunging the ballroom into freezing temperatures.

Claudia, the Princess of Brent and the next in line to rule the kingdom, had been forced to spend most of her night clutching You Bugger tightly for warmth.

He wanted to tell her that things would get better. He wanted to tell her that the worst had come and passed. He wanted to tell her that this is as low as she would have to bend.

However, knowing what was about to happen, You Bugger held his tongue. After all, her day was about to get much worse... so why shouldn't he enjoy the quiet morning for a little longer?

"You Bugger!" cried a now familiar voice. Canker, the most senior beggar and the man who had interrogated them upon their arrival, emerged from one of the mansion's many meeting rooms.

"Canker, how did it go?" You Bugger replied, turning to face him.

Claudia, however, did not.

"A few of them were upset about what you asked me to suggest, but I told them that it would only be for one day. You and your wife have been inserted into the rota, like you wanted. Most of them wanted to give you the area outside the Scoff and Scarf, but I managed to change their minds."

"Thank you," You Bugger said, breathing a sigh of relief, "We do not have any fond memories of that place..."

"Few do, and it is my pleasure to help! After all, now I can finally repay that debt from all those years ago. You will be begging in Area Seven, Highgarden Street. It is widely regarded as the most lucrative and safest place in Revere, so you should have no trouble earning what you need."

"I appreciate that, Canker. Truly, you have repaid your debt twice over. May your hands be filled with coin and your heart be emptied of woe!"

Canker bowed, slightly, before turning to leave. As soon as he was out of earshot, Claudia turned to face You Bugger.

She did not look happy.

" _Dearest_ husband, do you care to tell me what in the Abyss that was all about?"

"Well, I figured that since we lost-

"You lost."

"I lost... our money, we would have to acquire some more in order to afford to cross the river. And in this situation, we can't really go to the mayor, tell him who you are and ask for a loan..."

"So you would spend the day begging instead?"

This was the hard part.

"Well... no. We would."

Claudia said nothing for several long seconds. Instead, she let her expressions speak for her.

First came shock. Then outrage. Then fury. Then... nothing.

"You expect me, Princess Claudia de Brent, Queen Ascendant, to lower my head to the ground and... beg?" she said in a tone which could only be described as incredulous.

"Yes."

"Why!?!"

"Even if the Gods favour me and every person who passes by gives a copper, which would be an event that beggars would speak of for years to come, by the way, I still wouldn't be able to make two silver coins in one day. Together, we have a chance..."

She said nothing for a while.

Clearly, while she was willing to wear rags and eat unidentifiable stew, she did not truly think of herself as a beggar.

She was still a princess. Although she had exchanged her crown for twigs in her hair and her dress for strips of mouldy cloth.

You Bugger knew how hard it was to change. He knew how hard it was to leave your old life behind.

It had taken him years to work up the courage, after all...

"Fine," she said, eventually, wearing a look of defeat, "But only for today, understood?"

"Understood. I guarantee you, Princess, that after today, your belly will never again touch the ground."

Leaving Claudia to her grumbling, he turned back to look at the sunlit streams. Unfortunately, a cloud had moved in front of the sun, transforming the brilliant reflecting pools back into what they truly were... a flooded town square that was on the verge of collapse...

It was not a good omen of what was to come...

*

"Spare a coin, kind sir?" You Bugger uttered, facing his 'wife'.

Claudia dutifully repeated the words back at him. At the very least, she could remember the phrases.

Getting her to assume the sublimation position, however, was a lot harder...

"Why can't I just sit with a bowl in front of me?" she asked, while resisting his efforts to mould her body into the correct shape.

They were standing in a short alleyway just off Highgarden Street, trying to transfer years of knowledge in a handful of minutes.

You Bugger sighed. He had asked the same question to Mound, albeit with a very different tone, five years ago. He still remembered the answer he had received.

"One, a bowl can be easily kicked away or stolen. Two, people don't like it when beggars look them in the eyes, it makes them feel... unnerved. And unnerved people are not generous. Three, a sitting position implies that you have enough strength in your body to hold your chest up, which means that you aren't in need of any further coin. And finally, four, because I said so!"

More grumbling from his 'darling', but at least she attempted to assume the position.

Her hands were too wide, allowing for coin spillage, and her head was too high, causing neck strain, but it was getting better.

After correcting her, he allowed her to stand.

Now it was time for the real thing.

Inwardly, he allowed himself to have a little chuckle.

He was perhaps the first beggar in all of history to witness an actual princess lower her head and beg for a handful of coins. It made him wish that he had some way to record this moment, for posterity.

No, savouring this time would just have to do...

*

"A little kindness from a great man," Claudia cried, in a fairly convincing tone filled with just the right note of pleading.

"Piss off, you wretched thing!" the man replied, using his cane to bat her hands away.

He saw her start to rise as he turned away, and for a moment he found himself capable of seeing the future.

It involved the town guard, the local jail and potentially the noose.

Thinking quickly, he said, in a low yet firm voice, "Rule Nineteen!"

Immediately, Claudia sank back to her spot, teeth clenched.

"If struck, do not strike back, I know, I know..." she spat, a moment later, after she had calmed down a little.

They had been begging for almost two hours, yet they had very little to show for it. Whether the Arbiters had scared away all those with coin or if it was just a slow day, they were still far from their goal.

If things did not improve, they might not be able to afford the ferry tickets before it stopped for the day. Another night in Revere, with the Arbiters skulking in the shadows and Nok probably getting closer, was not ideal.

Sighing, You Bugger resumed the position. More and more, he was missing his favourite begging spot back in Garn. At least there, he didn't have to worry about anyone hitting him.

They said that words could be more dangerous than swords, but no word had ever left so many bruises across his back...

*

The sun was already past the midline when they stopped for a break. Claudia, somehow, had managed to scrape together nearly fifty copper coins.

You Bugger had done only a little better, with sixty-five.

However, they were still a long way from the two hundred that they needed... and they were running out of time.

"Is this really how you spend every day?" Claudia asked, as she tried to massage some life back into her legs. You Bugger knew from experience that it took a while for a beggar's body to adapt to the strange position and the cramps that came with it. An experienced beggar, however, could hold the sublimation position for an entire day, if need be, without complaint.

"Yes. Come rain or shine, we spend our time begging. We have no other choice, you see, if we want to remain fed and out of the Abyss."

"It shouldn't be this way..." Claudia sighed, looking at him with pity.

"True, but it is. And besides, there is a certain... freedom, to be found in this. Spending every day with your head down, not causing trouble, not getting involved in the strife above, and not having to worry about complicated things like wars and politics... some would call that paradise."

"Some meaning you?"

"Yes. I must admit, I am somewhat of an... oddity, amongst beggars."

"I'll say," Claudia said, with a small chuckle.

"Most of the beggars in Garn, and perhaps all of Alm, dream of one day leaving the Art behind. For most of them, that is no more than a dream, and they will die as they lived, in the dirt. For a lucky few, like Mound, they are able to claw their way back into society. Some of them learn from their experience and try to better the lives of their former companions... whilst others try and get as far from their former life as possible."

"So which is Mound?"

You Bugger looked at her. He forgot, sometimes, that he was dealing with an intelligent and resourceful princess, instead of an uneducated beggar.

Clothes truly did make the woman, after all.

"It's not that simple a divide, I'm afraid. We are all selfish, every last one of us. Even me, although not in the way you are probably thinking. Mound... tries his best to move forward, but he has never forgotten where he has come from. He started a business far from Garn, but at the same time I know that he has never turned away a customer, no matter how poor they are. If you cannot afford a meal, he will have one brought to you, free of charge, and he will try and help the needy, as much as he can."

"It sounds as if you hold great respect for him."

"I do. He was the one who showed me this life, and took the time to teach me the Art, despite having no incentive to do so. He could just as easily left me to starve, and yet he shared what little food he had with me. My gratitude towards him is... endless."

"Is that why you gave him your share of the reward?"

You Bugger stood up, motioning for Claudia to do the same.

"That was part of the reason, yes, but not all of it. Money can do just as much good as harm... remember that..."

Claudia, following his lead, stood as well. She wore a strange expression on her face.

Was it... respect?

"I will... Now, shall we return to the dirt?" she said, sounding oddly... energetic.

You Bugger nodded, and the two of them left the alleyway, to beg for a miracle.

*

"One hundred and sixty-nine, one hundred and seventy, one hundred and seventy-one..." You Bugger counted, staring at the small heap of copper coins on the grass before him.

They had found a quiet spot not far from the ferry dock where they could count their coins in peace, out of sight of any would-be thieves or tax-minded guards.

"One hundred and eighty-three coins..." he finished, a few seconds later.

Claudia wore a dejected look.

They had failed.

"Dammit! If only if that noble had given me that half-silver!"

"What could you have done? He wanted you to strip naked in the middle of town in exchange for it. Remember, Rule Ten: no coin is worth more than a life. You cannot put a price of dignity, trust me."

"I know... thank you, for telling him off back there..."

"Of course, that is what husbands are for, no?" You Bugger replied, while trying to avoid holding the side of his head where the noble's boot had caught him. He had told Claudia that it hadn't really connected, but the slight blur to his vision told him otherwise.

"I suppose so... although I don't think many husbands have ever had to do what you did..." she said, with a smile.

After collecting all of the coins in a makeshift pouch, You Bugger stood.

"So, are we going to head to the Old Town again?" she asked.

He shook his head, saying, "No, I want to try to barter with the ferryman. Perhaps he will be lenient, and accept the seventeen coin shortfall."

"Perhaps, although he did not seem the type..." she muttered, looking doubtful.

*

"No," said the ferryman.

"Please," said the beggar.

"No. Full payment or nothing. No negotiations."

"Not even for a pair of down on their luck beggars?"

"Not even if you were dying and the doctor was on the other bank."

You Bugger took a step backwards. Claudia, as instructed, was waiting a few feet away.

"I am surprised that you would resort to haggling, given how much money you were flaunting yesterday. How, I wonder, did you manage to spend fifty silver coins in the course of a single night?"

You Bugger said nothing.

And... had they ever told the ferryman exactly how many coins they had possessed?

No matter.

It pained him, but there was only one way out of this desperate situation.

Reaching into the depths of his rags, he sought out a small disc. He had placed it in his innermost pocket, next to the ring.

He had not worn it in five years, and would hopefully never wear it again.

And yet he simply could not throw it away.

It was... priceless.

"Here," he said, professing the small disc to the untrustworthy ferryman.

"Well now, why didn't you just give me this from the start!"

You Bugger said nothing.

"Fine, keep your secrets. The ferry will depart shortly, collect your belongings, including your wife, and meet me at the dock," the ferryman said, pocketing the fare with a practiced flourish. He was smiling, but it did not make him look any less malicious.

The sooner they were on the other side of Revere, the better, You Bugger thought, as he returned to Claudia.

*

A few minutes later, they were standing on the dock, waiting for the ferryman. A solid chain, barely submerged beneath the water, indicated where the ferry would be docking.

"I don't understand, I thought that he said that he would only accept the full price?" Claudia asked.

"He would and he did."

"But we were short?"

"We were... but thankfully I remembered that I had a silver coin tucked away. With it, I had enough to pay him."

Claudia looked at him.

"Why would a beggar have something so valuable just... tucked away? And if you already had a silver coin, then why did we both have to spend the entire day begging?" she said, looking slightly annoyed.

"It wasn't a coin I had planned on spending."

"What kind of coin isn't used for spending?" she asked, clearly confused.

"A coin whose sentimental value is higher than its monetary one..."

"What does that even mean?"

And then, a moment later, realization dawned in her eyes.

"You used the coin I gave you... for saving my life... on ferry fare?"

"Yes."

"Why?"

"Because getting you across this river and resuming our journey is more important that holding onto a single silver coin."

Claudia said nothing for several seconds.

"You... continue to surprise me, Sir Bugger..." she said, eventually.

Before he had a chance to reply, the ferryman appeared, followed by a large crowd of people.

"This way, this way to the ferry!" he cried, gesturing towards the dock. At the same time, the ferry, a large barge attached to the submerged chain, came into view. It moved slowly across the river, pulled by the chain which in turn was pulled by a team of burly men a bit further down the river bank. Most likely, an identical team was working on the other side of the river.

It was a simple setup, but it worked.

"Now then, are all of you ready to leave this place behind, and go somewhere new?" the ferryman called, as the barge smoothly reached the dock.

Claudia looked back at the town. It was where she had been robbed, made to eat mystery stew and, for the first and hopefully last time, beg for money.

"YES!" she cried.

Her enthusiasm proved to be infectious, and soon all of the other passengers were mimicking her cry.

Only one person did not join in.

The person who was heading further and further away from home... from safety... from peace. The person who had no desire to get closer to the Black Mountain.

The person who only wanted to get back to his favourite spot, and beg in peace.

"No," You Bugger whispered, but he followed Claudia anyway.

He would see this through to the end, as per the agreement.

He only hoped that it would not be _his_ end...

# Chapter 8: The Crossing

A few minutes later, almost everyone was aboard. You Bugger counted twenty-three others, including the ferryman himself. The group seemed to cover every demographic, from an elderly couple to a single mother cradling her child. There were three noble lords, no doubt returning to their home, and several merchants, likely seeking better lodging with their daily profits.

And there were two beggars, leaning against the railing close to the side of the barge facing their destination. Thankfully, no one seemed to be paying them any attention, probably out of a mixture of guilt and loathing.

A perfectly ordinary group... save for one.

One man stood out.

He was wearing a set of half-armour, with a white painted chest plate and a helmet that ended with a long white plume. At his side, held in place by a belt, was a long, thin sword.

Perhaps he was a bodyguard, to one of the nobles?

Or maybe he was a mercenary, looking for work?

No. He wasn't something like that.

You Bugger knew it in his heart, but it was the look in his eyes that confirmed it.

They were brimming with confidence. He was entirely self-assured. He knew who he was, and what the world owed him.

He was a knight.

A real one, not a pale imitation like You Bugger.

He wondered what the knight would say, if he discovered that a beggar was going around acting as one of his equals.

Probably something along the lines of 'off with his head!'

*

"Have you ever come this way, darling?" Claudia asked, as she stared at the far shore. The ferryman had cast off a few minutes earlier, and they were now beginning their journey across the Black River.

"Once, although I was travelling the other way."

"Were you a beggar back then?" she asked, curiosity filling her voice.

Ah. He had wondered when she was going to start digging.

"No. The last time I rode this ferry, I was... not a beggar."

She turned her head slightly to look at him, eyes catching the sunset as she did so.

Despite himself, You Bugger took in a sharp breath.

Even covered in grime and with Queenie-only-knew-what in her hair, she was still a beautiful creation. She moved like a beggar, and was learning how to speak like one too, but that aura of confidence was something that could not be taught, or forgotten.

"Hmm, let me guess... you were a scholar?"

He shook his head.

"Strange, that would have explained things..." she said, speaking mostly to herself, "If not a scholar, then perhaps a merchant?"

He shook his head once more.

"No? Hmm, those were my two best guesses you know, You Bugger the mysterious beggar... Well, if it wasn't one of those, then maybe you were higher up on the ladder. Were you perhaps... the son of a lord?"

You Bugger said nothing for a moment.

And then he shook his head a third time.

"Oh come on, can't you give me just a small hint?" she said, with a put-on exasperated tone.

He sighed, and said, "Simplicity, when I last came through Revere, I was... nothing. Not a scholar, or a merchant, or even a beggar. I had just left my old life behind, and I had yet to start a new one. I moved through this place like a shadow, without stopping, without seeing. It was only once I had reached Garn... and once I had met Mound, that I was able to see clearly once more."

It was her turn to say nothing.

Eventually, in a small voice, she said, "Forgive me, for prying... I didn't know..."

"It's alright, it's just a part of my life that I have spent the last five years trying to forget. I may have to sleep on the ground and beg for coppers in order to eat now, but compared to the life I had before..."

"Was it truly so terrible?"

He nodded.

"I was... a prisoner."

He saw her eyes widen slightly, but she was good at keeping her composure when she needed to, and so her voice was mostly level when she asked, "What... what was your crime?"

Looking past her, towards the approaching dock, he whispered, "Being born."

*

Claudia turned towards him, most likely to ask him for more details, but the words never came. Instead, she started falling backwards, over the low railing.

You Bugger reached out towards her, but someone was in the way.

The ferryman.

When had he moved closer?

He too had his arms outstretched, although for some reason his palms were up, facing Claudia.

A heartbeat later, Claudia was in the water, and then, she was gone.

Surely they taught princesses how to swim, he thought, as he watched for any sign of her resurgence.

Perhaps they did, but they most definitely did _not_ teach them how to swim in a fast flowing river whilst wearing several layers of very absorbent clothing.

"Dammit!" You Bugger cried, before pushing the ferryman out of the way and diving headfirst into the water.

It was icy cold and pitch-black, as befitting its name. He dove downwards, aware of how much water his own clothes were absorbing. Soon, he would be too heavy to surface, and that was without even factoring in the weight of another person.

But Claudia was nowhere to be seen. She had been wearing dark clothing and her hair had been turned black by Queenie, rendering her almost invisible in the icy gloom.

No, wait.

There, a flash of colour, about thirty feet below.

A mop of silver hair, washed clean by the river.

Straining every muscle, he forced his body towards the riverbed. Thankfully, his clothes helped him to sink faster than muscles alone.

He could already feel his lungs clamouring for air, a burning in his chest that only got worse with time. How long since he had last swum in a river, or even a bath?

Too long.

Thankfully, his muscles still remembered their childhood training. Hands in front, scooping the water out of the way. Feet behind, kicking against the current.

Slowly, he drew nearer to his 'wife'.

Ten feet.

Five.

One.

And then he had her.

She was heavy, but that was to be expected. Wrapping one arm around her, he planted his feet firmly in the sand and kicked off with all of his remaining might. Like an arrow, he rose, each powerful kick sending him higher and higher, towards the surface.

Slowly... far too slowly, he drew closer.

Ten feet.

Five.

One.

And then they breached the water, and the light of the sun set to warming their chilled bodies.

*

A few seconds later, hands were reaching down from the barge, dragging Claudia from his grasp. He let them take her, and followed her onto the mercifully dry wood. A few seconds, he looked over at her, coughing up water, and smiled.

He had made it in time.

That was all that mattered.

"Gods above, are you alright?" asked the ferryman, with a fake look of concern.

You Bugger wanted to ask him why he had pushed Claudia off the ferry. He wanted to ask how he knew exactly how many silver coins had been left inside their coin purse.

He especially wanted to know what had happened to the kindly old ferryman who had taken You Bugger across the river for ten copper coins all those years ago...

But those were all dangerous questions.

And they were in enough danger already without seeking out more.

"I am fine, thank you," he said, trying to sound civil, "And I believe that my wife will be fine as well, after some rest. If you would all just give her some space, I sure that she will be able to recover quickly."

The crowd, not used to being addressed by a beggar for anything other than spare coins, strangely obeyed.

Thankfully, they gave You Bugger and Claudia a wide berth, allowing them to rest in peace.

A few seconds later, Claudia, with help from You Bugger, sat up. Her face was flushed, and she was still drenched, but at least she was breathing.

"That is the second time that you have saved me, Sir Bugger... although I am unable to reward you in the same manner as last time..."

"That's alright, I didn't do it for the reward," he said, and he meant it.

"I don't doubt that..." she said, with a smile.

And then she kissed him on the cheek.

"A reward, for services rendered," she said, blushing slightly.

He said nothing.

Shock tends to hold words for ransom, it seemed.

"But I must say, it was quite the rescue," she said, turning to look at the waters which had almost claimed her life, "Not many people know how to swim, let alone swim in a raging river whilst carrying another person..."

Before he could come up with an excuse, the ferryman, ironically, saved him by announcing, "Get ready to dock!"

*

A short while later, the barge reached the dock. The people, having received a show for no added cost, were high-spirited as they began to disembark. In the rush, no one saw where the two beggars went.

But only one man cared.

One man, wearing armour and carrying a fine blade.

As the others made their way off the ferry and towards Revere's better half, he alone stared at the spot where the beggar woman had lain after being saved.

Had it been his imagination, or had her hair changed colour after her unexpected trip?

Not black, not brown... but silver?

But there were only three people he knew, in the entire kingdom, who had silver coloured hair.

And two of them had died recently...

"Claudia..." he whispered, as his eyes scanned the riverbank, searching for any sign of her...

Finally... his quest was coming to an end...

*

You Bugger and Claudia, still drenched from the river, moved as quickly as they could through the town. She had, at You Bugger's insistence, covered her head with her damp, white cloak. Her silver hair, while beautiful, was simply too eye-catching to leave exposed.

The sooner they could find a place to dye it again, the better.

After ten minutes of hurried walking, they found an alleyway far away from the main thoroughfare. There, chilled and exhausted, they allowed themselves to relax.

"What happened back there?" Claudia asked, as she attempted to wring what looked like half a river out of her clothes.

"What do you mean?"

"I mean, how did I get into the river? I definitely didn't trip, and I can't think of any reason why I would have jumped in voluntarily."

"I think... the ferryman pushed you in."

"Him? Why?"

You Bugger held a quick internal debate before lying, "I don't know."

She already had a murderous assassin after her, why worry her further?

Claudia said nothing for a while, instead choosing to work on drying herself.

With the light fading and the air moist, however, she had little luck.

"Regardless of why he did it, I think that we should leave Revere, tonight," You Bugger ventured.

"Couldn't we look for an inn on this side of the river? It should be a bit safer here, after all..."

You Bugger shook his head, saying, "We have only a few copper coins left, and something tells me that inns on this side of Revere won't accept anything less than gold."

"But if we can't stay in Revere, then where?"

"There is a small forest outside of town where we can set up camp. It won't be comfortable, but at least it will be safe."

Claudia thought for a moment, before nodding.

"Lead the way," she said.

*

One hour later, the destitute duo found themselves sitting in a small glade in the middle of the forest. The sun, obstructed by the towering trees, was not strong enough to dry their drenched bodies.

You Bugger, who had learnt how to survive in such situations, had created a small fire pit and filled it with sticks.

"Well, at least we won't have to go to bed hungry, right?" Claudia said, as she prepared their meal.

Luckily, You Bugger had managed to buy some stale bread, almost-off fish and half-drunk ale from a tavern close to the town's western gate, after begging the owner for ten minutes.

"Rule Five," You Bugger said, as he stoked the diminutive flame.

"Let none sleep with empty bellies," Claudia finished, with a smile.

She was learning.

But how much would she retain, once that crown was on her silver curls?

He was about to congratulate her on her progress, when a shape in the distance caught his eye. It looked... familiar.

"I'm going to see if I can find us some more firewood, just in case we run out..." he said, standing.

Claudia, busy with her task, simply nodded.

Leaving her, he started walking deeper into the forest, the setting sun casting deep shadows amongst the trees.

One of these shadows, however, was deeper than the others.

"Well met, Fade," he said, addressing the darkness.

"Well met, friend," Fade replied, coming into view. He wore a smug smile on his face, as per usual.

"How long have you been following us?"

"Since you left Mound's Inn, although I've been keeping my distance."

"I see. Concerned for the Princess?"

"Concerned for you. You get yourself into danger far too easily..."

"Rule Nine, what am I supposed to do?"

Fade let out a small chuckle. It was a bit disconcerting, hearing laughter from a shadow.

"You know, old friend, something tells me that even without that rule, you would still dive headfirst into situations that could result in your death, just because someone else was in trouble. It is both your best quality and your most infuriating feature."

You Bugger said nothing. No one knew him as well as Fade... and he was perhaps the only person on the continent who knew who You Bugger really was...

"Speaking of danger, I have been tracking the biggest one to your... wife."

"Nok? Is he still in Garn?" You Bugger asked, hope creeping into his voice.

Fade shook his head.

"He left Garn this morning after searching everywhere for the Princess. Somehow, he managed to find out your name... well, not your name, but what everyone calls you. He's been spotted on the Lowroad, asking after a beggar and a female companion. I lost him a couple of hours ago, but I think that it's safe to assume that he has entered Revere."

"Damn, I had hoped that he would think that we were planning on staying in Garn. And now you tell me we can't use the Lowroad, so that only leaves-

"The Highroad. The place where anyone with coin is welcome, and those without... aren't..."

"Yes. But if it means keeping Claudia safe, then I suppose I can endure a bit of verbal abuse..."

Fade looked at him, raising an eyebrow.

"You sound as if you have grown fond of her," he said, sounding bemused.

You Bugger sighed, trying to come up with the right words.

True, she had impressed him on occasion, and he did feel responsible for her, but those were as deep as those feelings went.

"She is... different, that much I will concede. But she is also looking for someone to become the next King of Brent, and that someone cannot be me. For several reasons..."

"I see. Well, time will tell, I suppose. For now, I must go. There is a man in Copp who has an appointment with me, although he probably doesn't know it yet. After I am finished, I will try and find you on the Highroad."

Fade started to disappear into the shadows, however, he stopped halfway.

It was... a strange sight.

"Here, a gift," he said, as he threw down a bundle of sticks onto the ground between them, "May you walk in the light."

"Thank you, friend. May you creep in the darkness."

And then he was gone.

Picking up the bundle, You Bugger turned to leave.

As he did so, a stray thought crossed his mind.

What would happen if Nok met the Ferryman?

Shivering, You Bugger pushed the thought from his mind. At the very least, if they were to meet, Nok would no longer be called Forty-Three...

*

Forty-Three crept through the town, keeping to the shadows.

He was not as proficient as Fade, who seemed to disappear entirely in the darkness, but he was experienced enough to go by all but unseen.

He was hunting a princess and a beggar, which was as unlikely a combination as assassins and priests.

He had been Odd for almost two days, and he was nearing his limit. Part of him wanted to simply run out into the street and start stabbing, but he was limited by the Assassins Code.

Rule Six: Do not kill needlessly.

That meant that he could only kill people related to his target, in self-defence, or if someone got in his way.

In some ways, the rules for assassins could be more restrictive than those of Knights.

Although he had no desire to return to that life...

He was moving across a tiled roof when he heard voices. Judging from the content of their conversation, they were not innocents.

With any luck, they would get in his way, or better yet... attack him.

That, he mused, would be perfect...

*

"It just doesn't make any sense, boss, why would a couple of beggars have this much money on them? They couldn't have gotten it all from begging, otherwise I may have taken up the wrong career path..." the thief said, whilst holding open the coin purse for all present to see.

Standing next to him, wielding the largest knife Forty-Three had ever seen, was another thief. A bodyguard of some sort, judging from Forty-Three's experience.

The third man, however, did not seem to fit in. He wore simple clothes that smelt like the river, and a bemused expression on his plain face.

"Does it matter how they acquired it?" he said, with a tone colder than ice.

Ah. He too could mask his true self, it would seem.

"All that matters is that we took it from them. Fifty silver coins for a single night's work, and no one injured or arrested! Now, didn't I tell you that this plan of mine would be lucrative? I observe the travellers on the ferry and tell you boys who is worthwhile to go after. Isn't that better than hiding out in the woods and preying on lost merchants? "

Fifty silver coins?

Forty-Three felt the smile on his face widen. He could think of only one reason why a beggar would have so much wealth.

If he was travelling with a princess.

"But Ferryman," the thief said, in a whiny voice, "What if it was a trap?"

"Shut up," the man-in-charge, who apparently was called the Ferryman, said, as he smacked the lesser thief across the face, "We got the money, they left the town. What more do you want?"

The thief, holding his reddened cheek, said, in a small voice, "I would have wanted them silenced..."

The Ferryman, for a change, looked embarrassed.

"Look, how was I supposed to know that that beggar could swim? I tried getting rid of both of them, just in case they went to the guards, but even after that they simply left town. We are safe, my friend. No one is coming for us!"

Forty-Three let out a small chuckle.

If only the man below knew just how wrong he was.

Still, he had heard enough. You Bugger and Princess Claudia had left Revere, most likely heading west. Soon, he would add them both to his number.

But for now...

Three men. An Odd number.

But through them... he would become Even once more...

Wasting no more time, he stepped off the edge of the roof.

Without making a sound, he fell, bringing terror and death.

Soon, it would be Claudia's turn...

Soon...

# Chapter 9: Humility

You Bugger dreamt of daggers in the darkness, fighting a losing battle against a torrent of endless water, and strangely, being turned into a copper coin and fought over by all the beggars of Garn...

Upon waking, however, he found himself facing reality.

He was escorting a princess halfway across the kingdom while being chased by a murderous madman.

Somehow, his dreams felt more plausible than that...

"Good morning," Claudia said, from her place on the other side of the dead fire. They had managed to find some mud nearby, and had applied it to Claudia's silver mane. It was not perfect, but at least it covered up the eye-catching colour.

"Morning, we have yet to see if it is good or not," he said, somewhat unhappily.

Fade's talk about Nok and Claudia had unnerved him, apparently, and for a moment he wondered which was worse: to be killed by an assassin or spend the rest of his life as a king...

It was a tie, he decided, after some further thought...

"So, are we heading back to the Lowroad?" Claudia asked, as she readied herself to travel. They had no leftovers for breakfast, and no ablutions to perform.

At least they had that going for them...

Shaking his head, he said, "No, we are going to travel on the Highroad today."

"Why?" she asked, clearly confused.

It took him only a second to come up with a convincing enough lie.

"If we only stay on the Lowroad, Nok might be able to track us down. By switching to the Highroad here, we might be able to fool him for long enough to reach Sun's Rest. If we maintain a good pace, we should be able to make it there tomorrow afternoon, and then all of this will finally be over..."

"I see... And then, what will you do? You will have a suitable reward from the royal treasury, that I can promise you," she said, before hesitating for a moment.

A moment later, she continued, "And... if you want... you could always come and work for me... as a bodyguard, of sorts?"

Her expression was... hopeful?

"Forgive me, Princess, but a life of hard work in the capital is not what I desire. I have told you this before, and I will repeat it now, but all I want is to be able to beg in peace."

She said nothing for a few seconds, although her expression had changed from hopeful... to hurt.

"As you wish," she said, somewhat coldly.

Before he could say anything more, she had gathered up her few belongings and left the camp. Seeing no other alternative, he followed after her.

*

The Highroad, the main transit for the upper echelon of Brent, soon lay before them. In contrast to the rough, poorly maintained dirt road of the Lowroad, the Highroad was a gleaming path with alabaster paving stones and long-burning torches spaced evenly apart. Every few minutes, a trio of horsemen rode past, carrying well-kept weapons and banners of every discernible colour.

Their sole duty was to ensure that the nobles and merchants who travelled upon the Highroad had as pleasant a journey as possible. Any bandit foolish enough to attack them would soon find his body occupying at least three different locations at once.

You Bugger took a deep breath.

This was no place for a beggar.

And yet, here he was.

Claudia, however, showed none of his nervousness. It was to be expected, after all. She had spent most of her life either in the capital or travelling on the Highroad to some event or another.

"Remember what I said," You Bugger said, as they approached the polished stones, "Keep your head down and your eyes averted. The people who travel here will use any excuse to harass a beggar or two, especially if they are bored or cruel. Do not engage with them, and we might be able to make it through today without incident."

Claudia nodded half-heartedly.

Her eyes were glued to the road. Soon, she would be travelling upon it as the rightful Heir of Brent, and then all eyes would be on her. For now, she was just a beggar, and a beginner at that.

The only eyes that would be on her today would contain scorn, or worse, pity.

*

"Get out of the way, you filthy beggar!" the man cried, as the carriage thundered past. You Bugger barely had enough time to leap to the side to avoid getting run over.

That had been the third time someone had tried to flatten him, and they had only been on the Highroad for an hour.

The sooner they left, the better.

"Be careful son, don't touch them!" a woman, dressed in several layers of coloured silk and holding the hand of a young boy, cried as she passed.

"Why not, mother?" the boy asked, innocent to the ways of the world.

"Because beggars are full of dangerous diseases, and I don't want you getting sick! Now keep your distance, and if they ask for money, we'll tell the guard!"

The boy looked from his mother to the beggars and back again.

You Bugger could seem him mulling over the idea. And then, like magic, it settled in his mind, and one more person became prejudiced.

"Okay, mother, I'll stay away from them."

They passed out of sight a few minutes later.

But they were not the first to say such things, and after five years of begging, You Bugger knew that they would not be the last.

*

"Look dearest, a beggar couple on the Highroad!" the young man announced, holding the arm of his beloved.

Her face contorted into a horrified rictus when she saw them, and she tried to pull away.

"Worry not, my pet, if they try anything they shall feel my fist upon their faces. Although I am curious as to why they would use this road... I always thought that beggars lived in swamps and sewers and never ventured far from town..."

"Maybe they're on their honeymoon, like us?" the woman offered, although her tone was derisive.

"Come now, my sweet, you and I both know that beggars are incapable of love. And to think that someone would ever stoop so low as to actually marry them... no, that can't be the case. Perhaps they were kicked out of their town after the guard finally realized what an eyesore they were!" the man said, with a big laugh.

"That does make sense..." the woman said, partly to herself, "It makes me wonder why they don't just outlaw begging and put them all in the stockade! I mean, what's to stop them from simply moving to our town?"

The man quickly glanced around, making sure that no other travellers were nearby. They were on an empty stretch of the Highroad, travelling uphill towards the Black Mountain's outer flanks.

"Don't worry, peach-bottom, I overheard my father speaking with Lady Reven, the Lord of Taxes, and they were discussing the implementation of a beggar tax. If my memory serves me right, the Council plans to implement a ninety-five percent taxation on all beggars in the kingdom, and if they don't pay up, they plan to outlaw begging itself and execute any who defy them."

Immediately, the woman's mood improved.

"But I thought that only the king could make new laws and change the taxes?" she asked, a moment later.

"True, but at the moment there is a bit of an unusual situation in the kingdom. It's still being kept secret from the public, but Lady Reven revealed to my father that Princess Claudia has gone missing. With no one on the throne, the Council have assumed control of the kingdom until the Princess is found. In the meantime, they have the power to change taxes and implement laws as long as the majority of them are in agreement."

"I see..." the woman said, "Well, I do hope that the Princess is found soon. Although if she isn't, I'm sure that the Council of Nine will lead us well in her stead!"

The two continued their conversation out of earshot of the two beggars.

You Bugger wondered what would have happened if Claudia had chosen to reveal herself...

Ideally, they would have fallen to the floor in fear and begged for forgiveness.

Realistically, they would have laughed at the crazy beggar with delusions of grandeur...

*

Eventually, they stopped to rest beside a small pond just off the Highroad. Claudia had said that she needed to recover her strength, but You Bugger knew that there was more to it than that.

She needed time to heal her heart.

Nothing was said for a long time.

Claudia, silent and contemplative, dipped her aching feet into the cold pond.

You Bugger, used to the pain, instead kept watch. Hopefully, Nok would have taken the Lowroad from Revere, but there was no guarantee...

"How are you feeling?" he asked, after a few minutes had passed.

She looked at him before replying. It was a look he knew well.

Pity.

"How... how do you endure _that_ , day after day? How do you put up with so much abuse, so much hatred, and still keep on going? I thought that the politics in the royal court was difficult, but that was _nothing_ compared to what I just witnessed..."

"It gets easier," he lied.

"It shouldn't be this hard in the first place! We are all people, are we not? Yes, they have more coin to their name, but were they not also born to a mother? Did they not also suckle at her teat? Did they not also learn how to speak, one word at a time? How can they treat others like that... when we all come from the same place..."

You Bugger let out a low whistle. It was the first time he had ever heard royalty utter such words.

"I told you, money changes people. Put a few coppers in a man's hand, and he goes to bed with a full stomach. Give him a few silvers, and he starts to dress himself up... but if you provide him with a few gold coins, it changes him entirely. No more 'please' and 'thank you', instead he'll say 'do this' and 'fetch me that'. A man with gold in his purse will almost always come to believe that he is better than those without. Such is the strength of the curse that comes with money. If people had any real sense, they would dump it all into the ocean, and let the fish deal with it."

"But money can also help people, can it not?" Claudia asked, looking confused, "With copper we can feed one man, silver a family. But with gold... we can feed a kingdom."

You Bugger shook his head. He had heard it all before.

"People almost always start out with the right intentions. They want to do good deeds, and believe that the more money they have, the more good that they can do. But somewhere along the way, they lose that generous nature. Given enough time, any man or woman with money will ultimately only care about obtaining more of it, no matter who has to suffer along the way."

"But... it shouldn't be that way..." Claudia said. Her unease was clear on her face. You Bugger felt a tinge of guilt, as he watched her struggle to reconcile her two opposing worldviews.

Twenty-three years of being a privileged princess versus two days of begging.

It was a close match.

"It shouldn't, but it is. Perhaps you will be the one to change that, once you have your fancy crown and gilded throne, or perhaps you will forget your time as Simplicity the beggar within a fortnight. And even if you truly want to change things, you will find that the people at the top have grown attached to their power and wealth. They will not give it up easily, especially not in exchange for the happiness of a few beggars."

Claudia looked at him then, with fire in her eyes. If he had to describe her, he would say she looked like a rod of tempered iron wrapped in fine silk. She was beautiful, but she was so much more than that.

"Soon, I will claim my birthright. I will discard these rags and wash out my hair, but I will not forget what I have seen. I will no longer look away. I will change Brent, for the better, even if I am the only one fighting. I don't care what the nobles or even the Council have to say..."

Ah, so that was the reason for the friction between them...

They wanted an obedient girl, but what they had received instead was a headstrong woman.

"I hope that you are speaking the truth, Claudia. For my sake, and the sakes of all those who spend their days staring at the ground. However, none of that will matter if Nok catches us, so I suggest we return to the road..."

Slowly, the fire left her, and she nodded.

You Bugger wasn't sure how sincere she had been, but just the fact that she was willing to make an effort was enough for him...

*

The next few hours passed in much the same fashion: people hurled abuse at them, and they took it.

As the sun dove towards the horizon, however, they met someone who did not ridicule them.

His name was Agister, and he was a travelling teacher.

They had met him on the road, as he was travelling with his student, the son of a local lord.

"You see, there is nothing better than a practical lesson," Agister said, addressing the teenager, "I had hoped that a walk along the Highroad would teach you its importance and place in the kingdom's infrastructure, and lo and behold we ended up seeing something amazing. Two beggars, walking side by side with nobles and merchants, as if they were equal to the men and women above them."

"My father told me not to approach beggars, in case they tried to eat me..." the young man replied, looking concerned.

"Do not worry, my student, that is nothing more than an unsubstantiated rumour. Beggars do not eat the same food that we do, but they _do_ eat food."

Turning to Claudia, he asked, "So tell me, beggar woman, why _are_ you travelling on the Highroad?"

Claudia quickly shot You Bugger a glance, asking him what to say with nothing more than a split-second long expression.

He shrugged in reply.

"We... are heading to Sun's Rest for our honeymoon..." she lied.

Agister raised an eyebrow.

"Interesting, I did not know that beggars got married. Surely you are not thinking of starting a family, when you are already struggling to feed yourselves?"

Claudia shook her head.

Vigorously.

"No, we have not planned for such things. We simply wanted to see a bit of the world, before returning to Greenfields and living out the rest of our days begging for coin."

"I see... and tell me, what about your husband made you want to marry him? I cannot imagine that a beggar would possess many redeeming qualities?"

Claudia seemed to study You Bugger for a moment before she replied, "True, when I met him, he seemed... unremarkable. However, since our first meeting, I have come to learn that there is a lot more to him than meets the eye. He is kind, intelligent, and full of surprises..."

She was smiling as she spoke.

Almost as if her words were not lies...

"Incredible. You know, that description calls to mind a student I had a great many years ago... he was, and perhaps still is, the Lord-Inherent of the Rion family..."

"The Rion family? Are you saying that they actually exist, teacher?" said the boy, in a voice filled with wonder, "Father has spoken of them, but I always thought that they were a myth..."

"Come now, you should know better than that," Agister said, with a sigh, "The Rion family are the most famous family in all of Alm. From their home atop the Black Mountain, they control the fate of the world. Possessing endless wealth and unmatched armies, they are the ones to whom even Kings bow."

"And you taught one of them? Wow..."

"Yes, but not just anyone. I taught the Lord-Inherent, Sebastian de Rion. One day, when his father abdicates as head of the House, he will take over, and his every word will send ripples from the mountain all the way to the sea."

"Are they really that powerful?" asked You Bugger, in a rare moment of curiosity.

Agister's gaze swivelled to meet his. Chuckling, he said, "You probably wouldn't know this, for a beggar is about as far removed from the Rion family as anyone possibly could be, but yes, they are that powerful. It is said that everything you can see from the top of the Black Mountain belongs to them. They are secretive, however, and do not come down to visit the Lowlands often."

"So they are even more powerful than King Osrik of Lisare? But I've heard that no one has ever bested him in combat or negotiations..." asked the boy, looking doubtful.

"Well, I understand that it is a difficult concept to understand... Now, how to explain... Ah, yes! Do you know what a Rule Zero is?" asked Agister, with a kind tone.

The boy thought for a moment before replying, "Yeah, you taught me that just the other day. Let's see... a Rule Zero is a rule that was never actually written down, because it is so intuitive that everyone kind of already knows it?"

"That's right! Now, do you know what Rule Zero is for the Royal Rules?"

The boy shook his head.

"Never oppose the Rion family."

*

Eventually, they parted ways with Agister and his student.

It had been pleasant, while it had lasted, not being constantly demeaned as they walked.

A short while later, with the sun's rim touching the horizon, they decided to stop for the night.

They had decided to leave the Highroad behind and head south, travelling until they reached a small grove of trees. Soon, they would have a fire going and food in their stomachs, which Agister had kindly gifted them in exchange for answering his questions.

No stale bread and rotten fish tonight.

Instead, they would dine on aged cheese, a freshly baked bread roll and ripe grapes, washed down with sweetened wine.

It might have been an ordinary meal to Claudia, but to You Bugger, it was a rare treat.

However, as they approached the grove, a strange smell filled the air.

Smoke.

Someone was already cooking something.

Fade was his first thought, but Fade would never be so foolish as to reveal himself.

Against his better judgement, You Bugger crept closer.

Who could it be? Who else would leave the relative safety of the Highroad and camp out all the way over here?

Someone who didn't want to be found, especially by the law, perhaps?

Or just someone who disliked the company of others, hopefully...

Before he could make a decision on whether to move closer or turn and run, a man emerged from the undergrowth.

He wore simple clothes that, while not ragged, had been well-maintained. He had a long knife hanging from his belt, and in his hands he was holding a coin purse covered in... blood?

Strangely, he looked... familiar...

Apparently, the feeling was mutual, as the stranger took a step forward, pocketing the coin purse and drawing the knife as he did so.

It was then that You Bugger realized when he had seen this man before.

It had been dark and in a dimly-lit alleyway, and in the situation, he hadn't really had time to memorize faces.

Before him, and getting closer, was one of the thieves who had robbed them in Revere.

"Oh _bugger!_ " he said, at the same time as the thief's associates appeared, surrounding them.

# Chapter 10: Queen Hysterica

Fade crept through the shadows, making several sounds.

Most of the assassins he had met thought that the point was to make no sound whatsoever, however, in his experience, people had a knack for detecting the strange absence of noise.

Instead, he rustled the occasional branch and imitated the sounds of a pigeon looking for love.

No one had ever been assassinated by a bird, after all.

He was in Copp, a small town southwest of Revere, looking for a white door besides a broken window. His target was a slaver posing as a merchant, using the fact that he needed to travel often as a cover to market his true wares. His client, a slave who had managed to run away, had somehow obtained a gold coin, most likely from stealing it during his escape.

It was a lot less than he was usually paid, but he had accepted it all the same.

After all, slavery rings didn't destroy themselves...

As he worked, he could not help but worry about his friend. He had been serious when he had stated that he had an unusual ability to find danger.

Even now, he was probably facing some terror or another.

And yet, he did not turn around.

Others surely would have rushed to check. Others would have been right to.

But Sir Bugger, despite being frequently found in dangerous situations, somehow always managed to get out of them just as easily.

*

" _You_?" asked the thief, looking dumbfounded.

"You Bugger, do something!" Claudia cried, whilst backing away from the dangerous man.

But You Bugger had no more coins to throw... so instead, he surrendered.

*

"Really, you just gave up?" asked Claudia, as she struggled against her bonds. They had been tied up with coils of worn rope and seated at the edge of the thieves' camp. They had started a modest fire and laid out several sheets to serve as impromptu bedding. It was clear that this had not been a planned excursion.

"Well, what else would you have had me do?" You Bugger snapped back. Part of him was irritated with himself for his carelessness, the rest of him was just hungry.

The latter half was particularly upset by the fact that the thieves had found their food...

"I don't know, fight them or something!" she said, in an indignant tone. You Bugger could tell that she was close to the edge of her self-control, which had no doubt been tested and worn by the day's constant harassments.

"One beggar versus six armed thieves? I would have been killed, and then you would be in the same situation you are now, minus your protector," he said, with an irritated tone.

"Sounds like an improvement to _me_ ," she whispered.

*

"I say, this is the finest wine I've ever tasted," stated one of the thieves, his voice filled with awe.

"I'm sure it has nothing on this cheese!" his companion cried, as he wolfed down six pieces at once.

"Men, fancy things are supposed to taste fancy, but this plain bread here is better than anything I've ever stolen from a bakery!" said another, as he tried to bite off more than he could chew.

It was painful to watch them devour the food that they had looked forward to eating, but if it meant that they weren't poking holes where holes shouldn't be, then perhaps it was for the best.

As long as they didn't ask about-

"Hang on," said the sommelier-thief, "How did two beggars come by such fine food?"

"More importantly," said the wannabe-affineur, "How did they acquire fifty silver coins?"

"I think the biggest question," said the amateur-pâtissier, "Is why they were travelling on the Highroad in the first place?"

In perfect sync, the three gluttonous thieves swivelled where they sat and came to stare at the perplexing beggars.

"Well?" they asked, with one voice.

*

You Bugger's mind raced to find a single answer that would satisfy all three questions.

Unfortunately, his mind tripped at the starting line and ended up with its face in the dirt.

"Um," he said, rather pathetically.

"Talk, beggar, before we start hurting you..." the closest thief said, as he drew his knife.

"Well, what happened was..." he started, hoping that the lie would simply fall into place as he spoke.

But it never came.

"Fine," said the man, after several long seconds of silence, "Perhaps if we harm your woman, you will find your lips becoming a little looser..."

He stood, knife pointing straight at Claudia.

There was murder in his eyes.

In Claudia's, however, there was more than fear.

There was rage.

She had reached her boiling point...

"How dare you!" she spat, her voice sounding regal despite her precarious position, "Do you even know who you have just threatened?!?"

The thief took a step back, reeling from her intensity.

But then he came to his senses, and he started to laugh.

"Well this is just great!" he exclaimed, "I can't even scare a simple beggar woman! We really have fallen into the Abyss ever since the boss was killed..."

"Know this, you filth who steal and hurt, that your faces are known to me. The moment I am free, I will fetch the royal guard, and they will hunt you down. Perhaps I shall allow you all to beg for forgiveness, before I have you executed!"

The thief stopped laughing.

"The royal guard, you say? Well, why didn't you mention that before? Tell me, tramp, who are you to claim the power to summon them? Are you some noble lady in disguise, or perhaps you are the Queen herself, back from the dead?" he said, in a mocking tone.

"I am no mere lady, nor am I the Queen."

"Oh? Well then who are you, beggar woman?"

Claudia paused before she replied. She wore a victorious smile upon her face, as if she believed that if she revealed who she really was, the bandits would simply apologize and let her go...

Well, he had only taught her how to beg.

She had learnt common sense all on her own.

And apparently she was a poor student...

"I am Princess Claudia de Brent, the Royal Bacheloress and Heir-Apparent to the throne! I rule from the mountain to the sea, and all within these lands is under my domain! I am the Dawnflower, the Sunkissed, the Silverstar, and my power is beyond your simple comprehension! Now, I demand that you release me, or suffer my royal wrath!"

Silence filled the camp. No one spoke. No one moved.

For a second, You Bugger believed that they would actually obey her, so great was her appeal. It would cause problems in the long run, but perhaps they could escape unharmed.

And then the laughter came back.

Not just one man, or three.

All six thieves burst out into a cacophony of chortles, guffaws and belly-breaking howls. Their laughter did not abate, even as Claudia continued to protest her identity.

If You Bugger wanted to change the narrative, now was his chance.

*

"Gentlemen!" he cried, as the laughter began to fade, "Please, forgive my wife, Simplicity! I fear that her mind is not her own tonight, and perhaps it has not been her own in a long time..."

The nearest thief, the man with the drawn knife that was a little bit too close for comfort, asked, "What do you mean, beggar?"

"Well, first of all, my name is You Bugger-

He waited for the fresh wave of laughter to subside before he continued, "And my wife, sweet as a peach, has sadly taken to drink in order to numb the pain of her unfortunate situation. She was once a handmaiden to the Princess herself, and after being falsely charged with theft she was left destitute. One of the other handmaidens, a kindly woman, took pity on her, and gave her a few coins and a basket of fine food to help her get started. It was these coins that you so rightfully confiscated from us, and that very same food that now lines your stomachs..."

Five of the six thieves believed the lie, he could tell.

But the man holding the knife still had his doubts.

"I don't know... maybe she really is the Princess, in disguise. I heard that she has gone missing, so it's not impossible..." he said, in a slow and deliberate tone.

"I implore you to trust me on this matter, good sir. She has taken to imbibing powdered ale to calm her nerves, but in her... overindulgence, I believe that she has contracted brainrot," he said, allowing sadness to creep into his voice.

"Brainrot, you say?" the thief asked, looking thoughtful.

"Sadly, yes. She isn't herself most days, and I believe that she has taken to believing that she is someone else entirely... Today it is Princess Claudia, apparently... and just yesterday, she was going around telling everyone that she was Queen Hysterica, Ruler of the Rainbow People!"

That got another round of laughter, but in You Bugger's experience laughter, even if it was derisive, was better than being stabbed.

"You Bugger!" Claudia spat, looking understandably offended.

"Yes, my darling, that's right! I'm not King Osrik or Sir Aern today, thank the Gods!" You Bugger said, with a jubilant cry towards the heavens. Part of him wanted to escape with his neck still attached to his shoulders... while the other was enjoying the outraged look on Claudia's face.

*

The nearest thief, apparently satisfied with the answer he had received, finally sheathed his knife. Spitting in their direction, he re-joined his comrades around the fire.

"I knew she wasn't really the Princess," he said, after the others teased him about his actions.

"Yes, of course you did," said his companion, with a chuckle.

"Shut up. Anyway, we need to get back to discussing what's really important. What are we going to do now?"

Immediately the mood amongst the thieves shifted from joyful to anxious.

"Are we even still Arbiters anymore?" asked one of the thieves, "I mean, the boss and his bodyguard were both found beheaded in the town square... so doesn't that mean that we don't have a gang anymore?"

None of the thieves spoke for several seconds.

Eventually, the youngest looking man, spoke up, saying, "I think... that we are the Arbiters, even if the Ferryman... I mean the boss, is gone. As long as we stick together, we'll be safe..."

The thieves nodded in joint affirmation.

"But what if the person who killed the boss comes after us next?" one of the thieves asked.

"Come now, what are the chances of that happening? I'm sure that the boss was just in the wrong place at the wrong time..." his comrade replied.

"Perhaps... or maybe the killer is targeting the Arbiters... and he won't stop until he has destroyed us all..."

"Now hold on! Why on Alm would anyone go after us?" the youngest thief asked.

More silence.

You Bugger could almost see their minds working, as they dug up memories of misdeeds long past. There were plenty of reasons; he was sure, why someone would come after them.

Eventually, the knife-wielding thief stood and said, in strong voice, "Regardless of why they are after us, we will not simply stand still and let them slay us! We are Arbiters, and we make our own destiny! I say that we regroup with our remaining members tomorrow and seek out the person who killed the boss! And when we find them... WE'LL RIP THEIR HEADS OFF!"

*

His proclamation was met with applause and hollers that echoed away into the silent night.

If anyone was nearby, they most certainly would have heard the commotion...

But even if someone came to investigate, it was time for You Bugger and Claudia to leave.

"Come on," he whispered, while the thieves were distracted with their revelry, "Let's get out of here."

Claudia, still upset after his lie saved her life, for some reason, narrowed her eyes at his proposal.

"That sounds lovely, _dearest_ , but in case you haven't noticed, my hands are rather tied at the moment..."

"Ah... give me a second," he said, as he moved his hands in a manner that only the sharpest observer would have caught.

A moment later, his hands were free.

"How... how did you-

"An old trick I picked up from a peculiar friend. Now, shall we?" he said, as he performed the movement for the second time and unbound his pretend-wife.

"In a second," Claudia whispered, just before she moved closer to the thieves.

For a heart-pounding moment, You Bugger believed that she was going to chastise them once more, or worse, attack them.

Instead, in an act so petty that he would never have imagined a princess carrying it out unless he had actually witnessed it; she crept closer to their well-packaged food and took as much as she could carry.

As she crept past You Bugger, she said, in a hushed tone, "And no, I'm not going to share any with you, because you called me crazy!"

*

-HEADS OFF!"

The man, clad in the finest armour money could buy and looking for trouble, turned towards the unassuming copse of trees. It was dark, and the wind was barely moving, so he had to strain his eyes to see the smoke from the fire.

Creeping closer, he unsheathed his Knightsword.

"Come, _Claudia_ , let us see what evil lurks afoot," he said, speaking to the blade.

Drawing closer, he came upon a strange scene.

Six men, bandits from the looks of it, stood around a campfire, cheering and hollering. They seemed to be encouraging one another, uttering promises of retribution towards someone who has assumedly wronged them.

However, six bandits around a fire, or variations thereof, was something that the knight had seen many times before.

What he hadn't seen before, however, were two beggars sneaking away from the men.

Why had the thieves captured beggars, who were not known to be high-value targets?

And how had the beggars managed to escape, despite being so close to their captors?

It was at that moment that he saw the beggar woman, as the fire illuminated her retreating form.

She was the same beggar who had fallen off the ferry, he was sure of it.

Her hair appeared to be darker now, but such things could be changed.

And if she really was who he believed her to be...

Then this was his moment, to finally prove himself to her.

"Claudia!" he screamed, as he emerged from the underbrush, sword drawn and ready to draw blood, "WITNESS ME!"

The 'beggar' woman turned around, for a moment, and he saw recognition flash in her eyes.

He saw her mouth form two words.

She had said his name...

Sir Aern.

*

"You idiot," Claudia said, as she stared at the man on the other side of the fire.

"Do you know him?" You Bugger, asked, as he tried to keep pace with her.

"Unfortunately," she replied, turning away.

"Ah... well, I'm sure he can handle himself..." You Bugger said, as they made their way back towards the Highroad.

Behind them, the sounds of metal striking metal were interspaced with cries for Claudia to witness the man's efforts, as the thieves fought desperately against the madman who had appeared out of nowhere.

You Bugger allowed himself the luxury of a smile, as he listened to their frantic shrieks.

And then they were out of earshot, as he and Claudia moved into the night, away from the poor, unfortunate thieves...

# Chapter 11: The Council of Nine

Forty-Six surveyed the scene that lay before him.

A disturbed fire pit, which had been broken in a fight, as recently as the night before.

Several dull knives, dropped in retreat.

Nine sets of footprints, radiating outwards from the scene of battle.

Four men, moving quickly, had escaped to the south.

Two men, one badly injured, had run to the east.

One man, wearing armour, had chased after them.

And a man and woman pair had slipped away to the west.

At least he was Even, so he could think clearly and make a rational decision. If he had been Odd... he most likely would have followed the trail of blood, hoping for carnage.

No. The man wearing armour could prove to be a difficult foe. Better to leave him to deal with the two in the east.

The man and woman's tracks disappeared shortly after leaving the grove, almost as if they had been hidden on purpose.

That left only the group which had headed south.

Four men...

An Even number, that was good.

*

"Who in the Abyss was that last night?" the thief muttered, as he tended to his wounds.

"Whoever it was, he was a bloody good fighter," his companion replied, holding his arm tight against his body.

The four of them had run throughout the night, without stopping to rest.

Only Mikel, the youngest, still had energy to spare.

"Do you think he was the same person who killed the boss?" he asked, glancing around nervously as he did so.

He had somehow avoided injury, most likely due to him being a skittish coward.

"Maybe," said the oldest thief, whose feet bore numerous blisters from their unplanned flight. He had unfortunately taken off his shoes just before the man had arrived.

"Or maybe he was a royal knight, come to rescue the Princess!"

Strangely, no one laughed.

"What is she really was Princess Claudia?" asked Mikel, fear in his eyes.

As one, the thieves looked at their feet. If she _really_ had been the Princess... then they had committed a crime far greater than stealing a few coins from gullible travellers...

"Come now, let's be serious," said one of the thieves, "Do you really think that the Princess, the Heir of Brent, would ever dress up like a beggar and go around with a man called _You Bugger_ of all things?!?"

"I agree, it is rather unbelievable... Even I did not believe, at first, which is why they were able to leave Garn undetected..."

Wait, who had said that?

Like a snake uncoiling from the grass, a man suddenly came into view. He was... unremarkable.

His hair was a muddy shade of brown, and his eyes were not an exotic shade of green or purple.

Instead, they were black, and as featureless as a lump of coal.

He was average height and average build, to the point where he would need no disguise to hide in a crowd.

His mediocrity was camouflage enough.

"And just who in the Abyss are you?" asked one of the thieves, hand resting on his knife handle.

"My name, is Forty-Six... for now," the man replied, in a tone that was a perfect meld of confidence and coldness.

"Forty-Six? What kind of stupid name is that?"

The man moved closer. He didn't seem to be armed, and yet there was a heaviness to his movement, as if he was weighed down by several pounds of steel.

Mikel, who was standing the furthest away, had apparently noticed it too. He was already edging away from the group, eyes scanning the horizon.

A courageous man, he was not.

But the man who called himself Forty-Six only had eyes for them. With an evil smile, he withdrew a long, black blade.

"Well, if you hate it so much... why don't you help me change it!" he cried.

And then he struck, and the world turned upside down.

*

Forty-Nine screamed a wordless, guttural scream, as he watched the thief race across the landscape. The man had been a worthless fighter, but apparently the Gods had gifted him with the legs of a master-runner.

He had been so close, to being Even. But he had been greedy.

After the first two thieves fell, their comrades had fled.

Forty-Nine had believed that he could catch and kill both.

The first thief had gone down after only a few minutes.

But the last, the youngest, had exceeded his expectations. The man had easily discarded his weapon, breaking Rule Zero, and fled towards the hills.

Forty-Nine was faced with a dilemma: pursue the man and become Even now, or track down the Princess and end her...

Any other day, and he would have gone for the thief.

But nine thousand gold coins, and the satisfaction of seeing her dead at his feet, was a powerful motivator.

Spitting in the fortunate man's general direction, Forty-Nine turned and faced the horizon.

For a brief moment, he recalled his past.

*

He had been a knight, once.

Travelling at the behest of his king, he had ventured across the land, hunting down a band of murderers. Together with his comrades, they had tracked the men to an abandoned tower at the edge of the kingdom's border. The other knights, good men to the last, had tried to reason with the murderers, promising them leniency in exchange for a bloodless surrender.

The murderers had seemingly agreed, inviting the knights into the tower on the understanding that they would first negotiate the terms of their surrender.

However, true to their nature, they had attacked the knights the moment that they lowered their guard. With no time to react, they had been slaughtered, to the last man.

It had been at that moment that something had awoken inside of him.

A terrible craving.

A ravenous darkness.

There had been six murderers.

Forty-Nine had killed five, but the last man had slipped through his fingers.

He could have left him. He should have buried his fallen comrades and returned to his king.

Things would have been different, if he had settled at killing five men.

But that same darkness that had awoken inside of him grew stronger when he was Odd. He had been compelled, by his own twisted mind, to hunt down the man who had escaped.

It had taken him a month.

A month of being Odd.

That month... had been the longest and most terrifying period of his life. But eventually, he had tracked down the unfortunate killer.

He had already abandoned his title and his Knightsword by that point. Whatever his name had been, whoever his family were waiting for, no longer existed.

He had become Five, killer of men.

The moment his blade had found the murderer, he had felt a wave of calm spread across his body. All of a sudden, the madness abated, and the darkness cleared from his mind.

It was at that moment that he knew that killing was his new passion. To achieve that bliss, he would have to kill, Odd and then Even, Even and then Odd, forever.

Fortunately, the assassins had been hunting the same man, and, impressed with Six's skills, had invited him to become one of them.

But now he was Odd again, and already, he could feel the darkness returning.

Only Claudia... only his prey, could make him whole again...

*

"We need to talk about your conduct," Claudia said, as they walked.

After a fitful night's sleep and a breakfast of stolen food, they had returned to the Highroad. So far, aside from a few derisive glances, no one had bothered them. Perhaps, if they were fortunate, they would make it to Sun's Rest in peace.

"Would you care to explain, _dearest_?" You Bugger replied, keeping pace. The road around them was relatively deserted, with only an elderly couple ahead of them and a few children behind.

"I am talking about what happened in Revere, and what occurred last night."

"You mean when I saved your life... twice?"

Claudia fumbled for a second before replying, "I am talking about when you broke the rules."

Breaking a rule, no matter how small, was a serious offence in Alm. For those who did so and did not repent, the Abyss beckoned.

It was not an accusation to be made lightly.

"By my recollection, I followed the Art of Begging to the last letter,"

"I am sure that you did. However, I am referring to the Way of the Sword, the ruleset that all knights must follow," she said, with a triumphant smile.

"Ah, but _dearest_ , as I'm sure you've realized by now, I am a _beggar_ , not a knight."

Claudia looked at him for a moment. She looked... pleased with herself.

"You _were_ a beggar, and now you are... more. When I knighted you, I did so as the Heir-Apparent of Brent, and thereby my words were true and proper. Whether you like it or not-

"Oh I definitely don't like it."

"You are a knight now, and you must learn the rules if you are to bear the responsibility of your station."

You Bugger sighed. He could simply divert her attention to another matter, such as the identity of the person who had hired Nok to kill her, but she looked happy this way, so he held his tongue.

"Very well, tell me about this... Way of the Shovel."

"Sword," she said, pointedly.

"Way of the Sword, right."

"Well, the first knight to follow the Way of the Sword was, of course, Sebastian the Black. After sailing from the Lawless Lands with the survivors of the Anarchysm, he was visited by the Gods of Alm and received the Rules of Man. Amongst these rules, which covered every possible profession and way of life, was a set for all knights to follow."

You Bugger nodded. He had heard this story before, although the last time had been under very different circumstance.

"Rule Zero, by its nature, shouldn't need to be said, but the rest of them I will explain to you. As for the ones that you broke, that would be Rule Eight: Do not run from a fight; and Rule Twelve: Follow the commands of those above you. Do you understand everything so far?"

He nodded once more, if only to keep her happy.

*

An hour later, Claudia finally stopped talking.

Her explanation had been... extensive.

"Rule Three?" she asked, testing his recollection.

"Settle all disputes with a duel... although I personally think that running away is the better option..."

"Correct," she said, with a smile, "Although if you did, that would break Rule Eight."

"Do not run from a fight."

She nodded.

"The most important thing for a knight to know, however, is not the Way of the Sword. That is a big part of being a knight, of course, but there is something far greater. Can you tell me what it is?"

"Having a noble spirit?" he guessed.

"Correct. A knight is a symbol as much as he is a force for good. People look to knights for protection, but also inspiration. Wherever you walk, whether it be the halls of a lord's manor or the muddy street of a small village, you carry with you a reputation of excellence. _That_ is what it means to be a knight."

You Bugger had heard that phrase before, although the man who had said it knew its true meaning far better than Claudia.

"So, _Sir_ Bugger, do you understand now how your actions over the past few days have reflected on the nobility of your knighthood?"

You Bugger nodded.

It was easier than lying.

"Good. Now, the next time you encounter someone who wishes me harm, I trust you will do the right thing."

You Bugger nodded once more.

In his heart, however, he knew the truth. The Rules of Man, gifted by the Gods themselves, only applied _if_ you let them. In his soul, he was a beggar true, and no title, not knight, king or even lord, could change that.

So he would continue to follow the Art of Begging, and he would follow it well.

For that was _who_ he was...

*

It was nearly noon when their peace was broken.

A caravan of white carriages, pulled by expensive looking horses, appeared on the horizon behind them. Slowly, it gained on them, moving at a pace _just_ faster than their own.

"White carriages... that can only belong to one group..." Claudia whispered, looking worried.

Before You Bugger had time to ask, the carriages drew nearer and the answer became clear.

Emblazoned on the sides of the carriages was the emblem of Brent, a white sun shining on the Black Mountain.

Only two types of people could use that emblem.

Royalty... and nobility.

And since the only remaining member of the royal family was standing beside him, that left only the latter.

"Hopefully it'll just be a minor lord and they'll pass us by," Claudia said, looking strangely apprehensive. He would have thought that she would be relieved to be amongst her kind of people for a change.

"Make way for the Lord of War! Make way for Lord Edgar Roth!" one of the footmen cried, from the lead carriage.

"Never mind..." sighed Claudia.

Unfortunately, the horses pulling the carriages slowed their pace to match You Bugger's. They could only walk beside the caravan, feet brushing against the edge of the Highroad. If they walked any slower, they would not reach Sun's Rest by nightfall, and if they sped up, they would draw attention to themselves.

All they could do was hunch their shoulders, and pray that no one noticed them.

Which was the opposite of what beggars usually did, so it was rather difficult...

*

"Lord Roth, are you comfortable?" the servant asked, as he trotted alongside the most-ostentatious carriage.

From within the carriage came the unnervingly familiar voice, "As comfortable as one can be, with our fair princess missing."

"I understand, my lord, it is a trying time for us all. Have you truly heard nothing from your reports?"

"No, she remains lost to us. The Council of Nine has received no ransom demands nor appendages, and if she truly did run away on her own... then we can do nothing."

The servant faltered for a moment.

"But... my lord... why would she run away? Once she completes her Royal Rites, she will ascend the throne... why would anyone run away from such a position?"

"Every position comes with responsibility. The greater the title, the greater the burden."

Lord Roth paused for a moment, before adding, "Perhaps... Princess Claudia realized that the weight of the crown was too great for her to bear..."

"But... but if she truly is gone... then what will happen to Brent? What will happen to the people?"

"Worry not, for Brent is not without men and women strong enough to bear the weight of responsibility. Where the Princess failed, the Council will not. And, who knows, perhaps we will end up doing a better job than she could have ever achieved."

The servant's look of worry started to fade.

"I see... thank you, Lord Roth, for bringing hope to this humble servant. Truly, if it as you say... then perhaps it is better that the Princess never comes back..."

Lord Roth did not reply for a while.

And then, in a whisper that barely floated on the breeze, You Bugger heard him say, "Perhaps..."

*

A short while later, a rider rode up to Lord Roth's carriage. The man was dressed in well-maintained armour, and carried a sword at his side.

"Ah, Sir Gravens, how did it go?"

The knight shook his head, saying, "Forgive me, Lord Roth, but my search was unsuccessful. I have travelled the length and breadth of Alm, walking the markets of Rowhaven; inspecting the fortress-city of Kiros; and sneaking through the catacombs of the Undertown, but he was nowhere to be found..."

"Bugger!" Lord Roth exclaimed, causing You Bugger to flinch.

"I am sorry, Lord Roth, but the man seems to have simply vanished. I asked every swordmaster and bladesmith that I could find, and all of them said that he stopped visiting them about six years ago. However, during my travels, I did meet a great number of men who could competently train your nephew."

Lord Roth seemed to fume for a moment, before announcing, "Very well, I charge you now to seek out the best of these men and bring him into my employ. I did promise Uther that I would get the best swordsman in Alm to teach him... but apparently the man doesn't want to be found..."

"It shall be done, my lord," Sir Gravens said, bowing slightly. A moment later, he turned his horse around and galloped away in the direction he had come from.

"Really now... where did you go... Master Gladius..."

Immediately, You Bugger flinched once more... although this time for a wholly different reason...

*

An hour later, the caravan finally lumbered to a stop. Finally, You Bugger and Claudia could leave it behind, and carry on their way.

All they had to do was stay out of sight until the caravan did the same.

They made it ten paces before someone called out to them.

"You there, beggars!" the politically-minded servant called out, causing every pair of eyes to swivel towards them.

You Bugger pretended to have gone deaf. It had saved his life once, many years ago... and who could say that it couldn't do so again?

"I say, stop!"

Apparently not.

With great reluctance, he came to a stop.

"I thought that you were beggars, but the others didn't believe me! Now, Lord Roth has just finished his lunch, and in his magnanimity, he has asked me to dispose of his leftovers. I was going to just throw them to the dogs, but then I saw you!"

Reaching behind him, the servant retrieved a foul-smelling sack of half-eaten food. He tossed it towards You Bugger who, for a moment, contemplated letting it fall to the cobbles.

Rule Thirteen: We can't be choosers.

He caught the bag with one hand, trying to keep it as far from his body as possible. Whatever Lord Roth had been eating, it smelt as though it had died several weeks ago.

The servant looked at him with expectant eyes.

Ah, of course.

Rule Two: Always say thank you.

"Thank you, for your... generosity..." You Bugger said, with a low bow. Turning, he made it another ten paces before another voice called out.

"Hang on... don't I know you?"

Oh no...

"Are you sure, Lord Roth? I wouldn't expect you to know any... beggars..." the servant said, facing his employer.

Lord Edgar Roth, the Lord of War.

*

"I have seen many things in my life," Lord Roth said, his chins trembling slightly, "I have seen cavalry charges that could shatter entire armies. I have seen knights duelling to the death. I have even seen sons fighting against their own fathers. But I have never, ever, seen beggars on the Highroad. Especially, not beggars from a backwater town like Garn..."

Damn.

"I believe that you were called... what was it... oh yes, _You Bugger_ ," said Lord Roth, in a malicious tone that Captain Kieran would've been envious of.

"I am just a humble beggar, your Lordship, travelling with my wife. I meant no disrespect..."

With a huff, Lord Roth said, "Foolish beggar, your existence itself is disrespectful. Not only to myself, but to all the hard-working men and women of Brent. The sooner the Council gains the power to make legislature, the sooner Brent will be rid of you and your kind..."

You Bugger fought hard to keep the anger out of his voice.

"It is as you say, your Lordship. By your leave, we will depart from your sight at once."

Lord Roth, with a sneer, nodded.

They were almost free.

And then... Claudia opened her mouth.

"Lord Roth, my husband has done you no wrong!" she stated, loud and clear, "You, on the other hand, have insulted him deeply! If you are truly a man of leadership, then you should know when to stand firm, and when to apologize! If I were you... I would think about doing the latter!"

You Bugger couldn't believe his ears. They had been so close...

However, a part of him could not deny the enjoyment he received from seeing Lord Roth's face contort as he heard Claudia's words. It was clear that the man had never been shouted at, nor ordered to apologize to a _beggar_ of all things.

Wait, that could work. They still had a few seconds before Lord Roth realized how absurd the situation was. If he could just grab Claudia and run, maybe they could make it to Sun's Rest with their heads still attached to their shoulders.

But Claudia wasn't going to give him that chance.

"In fact, for almost getting him killed in Garn, I think you should take it one step further. Lord Roth, I demand that you _beg_ my husband for forgiveness!"

Lord Roth was speechless, but not for long.

"You... you want me to beg... for forgiveness... from a _beggar_?" he said, clearly struggling to come to terms with what was happening.

Claudia nodded.

"How... dare... you..." he said, eyes flaring into anger, "HOW DARE YOU?!?"

Lord Roth stepped down from the carriage, a mass of silk and rage. His silver chain, stretched across his chest, rose and fell with his heavy breaths.

"Listen here, You _Bugger,_ " he said, with murder in his eyes, "In Garn, the Princess, in her stupidity, kept you from my wrath! But the Princess isn't here anymore, and there is no one who can save you this time!"

"Lord Roth, please calm down!" the servant cried, climbing after his master, "Even you cannot kill a beggar in broad daylight!"

"WATCH ME!" Lord Roth cried, as he drew nearer.

You Bugger took a step backwards, placing himself between the Lord of War and the Princess of Brent. His hand reached behind him, feeling for the well-hidden hilt.

He had just wanted to beg in peace, and now he was about to fight a lord because a princess was trying to defend his honour...

Truly, he could have never foreseen this scene...

"Lord Roth, watch out!" the servant shouted, with a new level of fear in his voice. He dove through the air, arms outstretched towards his lord. Despite his small frame, the servant, through sheer fear-enhanced strength, managed to tackle the larger man to the floor. A moment later, one of the carriage's horses thundered past, missing Lord Roth by a hair's breadth.

You Bugger, taking Claudia's hand, managed to get out the way just in time to avoid a fatal injury. In the moment that followed, You Bugger saw the scene in its entirety.

Every horse in the caravan had somehow come loose, and, in their panic, had run off in every direction.

How?

But there was no time to ponder his good fortune. Firming his grip on Claudia's hand, he pulled her along, moving away from the murderous lord as quickly as he could.

As he ran, curiosity overcame him, and he glanced backwards.

There was the servant, struggling to lift his master's hefty weight. There was Lord Roth, spewing forth an endless variety of imaginative curses.

And there was the man in black, pocketing a small knife.

A heartbeat later, the man disappeared, fading from sight...

# Chapter 12: A Memory of Love

Fade disappeared into the shadows, his work complete.

The horses had bolted in every direction, grounding the caravan. It wouldn't be until nightfall, at the earliest, until it started moving again.

Plenty of time to reach Sun's Rest.

Turning eastward, he strained his eyes, searching for any sign of Nok.

Not that any half-decent assassin would allow himself to be found so easily.

But something told him that the madman was out there.

And he was getting closer...

Perhaps this would all have been easier... if he had simply accepted the offer...

Nine-thousand gold coins was a lot of money, after all.

No. Even if he had been offered all the gold in Alm, it would still not be enough to replace his friendship.

Shrugging his shoulders, he allowed the darkness to claim him.

*

You Bugger did not stop running until his feet gave out. Together, they collapsed into a sweaty heap. It was strange to think that he had had more exercise in the last three days than in the preceding five years...

After several minutes of heavy panting, he turned to Claudia and said, "What in the Abyss were you thinking?!?"

Claudia took a few more seconds to fully recover.

Once she had done so, she squared her jaw and said, in a voice befitting a queen, "No one, not even a lord, talks to my husband like that."

She was completely serious... and that was troubling.

"We're. Not. Really. MARRIED!" he screamed, voice filled with frustration.

"Perhaps not, but you should not have endured his abuse all the same."

Sighing, You Bugger said, "Listen, Princess, and listen well. Beggars have endured far worse for far less, and do you know why? Because men like Lord Roth do not view us as people, not really. He could kill a beggar and a rat on the same night, and not be able to tell you which was which!"

Claudia sniffed.

"Well it shouldn't be that way!"

"THEN CHANGE IT!" he cried, frustration reaching its peak.

Silence followed his outburst.

"Very well," Claudia said, eventually, "I will change the world, for you."

"For me?" he asked, surprised.

"I- I mean, for people _like_ you," Claudia stammered, as she tried to disentangle herself from him.

"Ah... I see. Well... I hope that works..."

There was a hint of redness in Claudia's cheeks as she said, in a soft voice, "You could help me, you know? If you came with me to Dawnhold... if the nobles saw that beggars are not... lesser... we could change things..."

Surprisingly, You Bugger hesitated.

It should have been an easy answer.

No.

And yet, for a moment, he thought about saying yes...

It was then that the memory rose into the forefront of his mind.

The ring. The flight. The choice.

"I am... sorry, Claudia, but I cannot go with you... My place is in Garn, begging on its streets, and living below them. I truly hope that you can make life better for the beggars of Brent, but my life is already as good as it possibly can be..."

"Oh..." Claudia replied, looking crestfallen, "I understand..."

Standing, they resumed their walk, moving in an awkward silence.

They were still the same distance apart... and yet it felt wider than before...

*

One hour later, and Sun's Rest was almost in sight. The lowlands had given way to the foothills, which would eventually lead to the steppes of the Black Mountain. It rose before them, an impossibly tall tower of pitch-black rock.

Now that they were closer, they could see it: the greatest monument mankind had ever constructed.

It was known as the Sword of the Mountain, which was an apt description.

It rose from the peak of the Black Mountain, a half-span of blade ending in an ornate hilt. Upon it, carved in the metal, was the motto of the Rion family.

STRENGTH ABOVE ALL

A more appropriate motto You Bugger could not imagine.

"My parents took me to see the Sword, when I was a child," Claudia said, staring at the monolithic structure, "At the time, I couldn't believe what I saw..."

You Bugger said nothing.

There was still a distance between them, and it could not be measured with any ruler.

"My father, King Claude, lifted me onto his shoulders so that I could see the Sword better. My mother, Queen Willow, told me about the Rion family, and all that they had done for Alm. Together, they showed me the past, while preparing me for the future..."

"You loved them?" You Bugger asked, recalling his own relationship with his parents.

His was a little more... complicated, than Claudia's, however...

"As much as a daughter can love her parents. They were good people, strong and kind, and together they led Brent into an era of peace and prosperity..." Claudia said, with a mixture of pride and sorrow.

"I am sorry... for your loss..."

What more could he say?

Wiping away an errant tear, Claudia smiled and said, "Thank you, You Bugger. Truth be told, I worry about living up to their legacy... Even when things got bad, and it seemed like the kingdom was about to collapse, they had each other. My father, with his deep voice and powerful affectations, could bring the Council into line with a single sentence. My mother, with wisdom and grace in equal amounts, connected with the people, earning their love and loyalty..."

"Claudia..."

"It's alright... I know that I shouldn't try to copy them... I have my own path, and if I must walk it alone, then so be it..."

"Well, in my belief, any woman who, while dressed as a beggar, has the courage to demand that the Lord of War apologize to her husband... is a woman who will do great things..." You Bugger said, with a smile.

"I suppose so... and, if the Council will not stop pestering me, I can always turn to the Royal Rules."

You Bugger raised an eyebrow.

"Rule Three: Marry with impunity."

"You really have a rule like that?" he asked, fascinated.

"Yes, although when I was younger, I couldn't figure out why, until father told me how he managed to win mother's hand..."

With horror in his voice, he asked, "He... forced her to marry him?"

"Technically... yes. But it was for a good reason. You see, my mother came from Brenna, our neighbour to the south, and her family was very influential. During a diplomatic meeting between our nations, she met my father, the prince, and they fell in love. However, her family forbade them from being together, as they wanted her to marry someone from Brenna and stay close to her family."

"I'm surprised that they were against her marrying a future king."

Claudia gave him a sidelong glance before replying, "Well, sometimes people don't act as you would expect them to... Anyway, Claude, along with his knights, broke into my mother's estate. Together, they eloped, and as soon as they entered Brent, he invoked his Royal Rule. Once their marriage was announced, Willow's family immediately disowned her, but there was nothing they could do about the marriage itself. My mother lived the rest of her life in Brent... with her king."

*

They walked in silence for a while longer.

However, hanging over them were the unspoken questions.

What about you?

What happened to your parents?

What tragedy did you experience that led to 'You' becoming 'You Bugger'?

You Bugger knew Claudia well enough, or at least, as well as someone can know another person after a few days of shared life-threatening situations, to know that she would never ask them.

But in that same knowledge, he knew that she desperately wanted to...

Sighing, he collected his thoughts.

What could he tell her, to sate her wordless curiosity?

What words did she need to hear?

Ah...

There we go.

"Claudia, before we reach our destination, there is something I wish to share with you..." he said, adding just the right note of hesitation to his voice.

"Yes?" she replied.

"It's about my past... and how I came to be a beggar..."

Claudia immediately stopped.

The look of shock on her face was genuine, he could tell.

"Are you... are you sure? I know that it's not something that you share easily..."

She wanted to know, and yet, even now, she was trying to respect his privacy.

Remarkable.

Which made this all the harder...

"Yes. We have travelled together, faced dangers together, and it is only right that you know who you are truly travelling with..."

She nodded, not trusting her words.

"Now, where to begin... Ah, I guess... it all started in my birthplace."

"Where... were you born?" she asked, curiosity overflowing.

"Copp."

*

"Copp?" she repeated, disappointment flashing across her face faster than a sparrow in flight.

"It's a small village southwest of Revere, known mainly for its copper mines. Interestingly, most of the copper for the kingdom's copper coins were mined there... Anyway, it really wasn't much, but it was home. My father, Seb, was a copper miner, which was a profession held by most of the male population old enough to swing a pickaxe. He was a stern man of few words, but when he was around my mother, Astia, he melted like heated tallow. She was, without a doubt, the most beautiful woman in the entire village. Before she met Seb, it was said that she had a new suitor at her door every single day, yet she turned them all away."

Glancing down, You Bugger found Claudia's eyes on him. She had been ensnared by his tale, and could not look away.

"My father told me, when I was ten years old, how he had managed to win her heart. He had gone into the deepest part of the mine, where the slightest shift in the tunnels could end in a cave-in, and had searched for three days and three nights, until he found the largest copper orestone that anyone had ever seen. He could have sold it, and lived a life of luxury, but instead he took it to the smithy and had it smelted. From the copper he fashioned a dozen copper roses, which he then presented to Astia, explaining that just like her beauty, the roses would never wilt..."

"That's... beautiful..."

You Bugger nodded, before continuing, "For a time, life was good. I came a few years later, a product of love formed from their union. We lived a simple life, but we never went to bed hungry..."

"So what happened?"

"Lord Ingram happened," You Bugger replied, spitting as he did so.

"Lord Ingram? I haven't heard of him before..."

"Well, you wouldn't have," You Bugger said, speaking the absolute truth, "He was a minor lord, although he did have a large claim to Copp's mines that he leveraged to get what he wanted from its people. He used to threaten to close the mines unless the townsfolk gave him what he wanted..."

"What did he want?"

"Women. He was a sick man, desiring the wives and daughters of the villagers as a twisted form of tribute. In order for the mines to remain open and for Copp to prosper, dozens of men had no choice but to surrender those they loved most to his evil embrace..."

Any second now, she would figure it out...

He saw the change in her expression. Pity, mixed with sorrow, and just a hint of anger.

"He... he went after your mother, after Astia, didn't he?"

You Bugger nodded, letting a single tear fall to the cobbles below.

"He tried to. But Seb did not let him have her... so he took my father into the village square and had him beaten... until my father breathed his last breath..."

"You poor thing..." she whispered, reaching out with a slender hand and placing it on his arm.

He felt a twinge of guilt, but he shoved it aside and carried on.

"Everyone else was too afraid of Lord Ingram to try and stop him... I was too afraid... and afterwards, I was the only one who stayed behind in that square... I buried my father, alone, as Lord Ingram made his way to my house."

"Astia... does she still live?" asked Claudia, in a soft voice.

You Bugger shook his head. When he spoke, there was a touch of pride in his voice, "No, but she did not submit to that bastard. Instead, she pretended to be swayed, and invited him inside, asking him to leave his guards outside. As soon as he was in the house, she barred the doors, and set a fire which quickly became a blaze. Both she and Lord Ingram were consumed by it, and I became an orphan in the span of a single afternoon. The only thing to survive the fire was the copper bouquet my father had made, so I placed them on their grave, an eternal symbol of their love..."

Claudia squeezed his arm. In her eyes, understandably, were tears.

*

"After that, I knew that I couldn't stay in Copp. With Lord Ingram's death being blamed on my family, I threw away my name and left the village. My inheritance, however, was nothing more than a pile of ash, and with no skills to my name, I wandered the land until I came across Brent. It was there that I met Mound, and my new life as You Bugger began..."

"I'm so sorry... I had no idea..." Claudia mumbled, obviously reeling from his revelations.

"It's alright. Do you understand now, why I don't like to talk about it?"

She nodded.

"Good. Now, we are almost there, so we might as well move on."

She nodded once more.

He made it ten paces.

In the shadow of a large boulder, sitting alone on the plains outside Sun's Rest, he saw something.

Something darker than a shadow.

"Actually... there is something I need to take care of, before we go..."

She gave him a quizzical look.

"Something that _really_ shouldn't be put off for too long," he said, looking uncomfortable.

A moment later, Claudia caught on.

"Ah! Of course, take your time!" she exclaimed, turning red.

He dashed away before she could say anything. If she had questioned him further, he wasn't sure if she would believe that he had an appointment with a shadow's shadow to keep...

*

With his back facing Claudia and his face turned towards the boulder, he looked like a man who needed to take care of business.

Unusually, this business included a meeting with an assassin.

"Well met, Fade," he said, straining his eyes to make out the slightly deeper patch of shadow.

"Well met, friend," came the reply.

"I take it we have you to thank for that unexpected windfall with Lord Roth?"

Fade, or more accurately, the patch of darkness Fade currently inhabited, nodded.

"I appreciate your assistance," You Bugger said, meaning every word, "I don't know how we would've escaped that situation without your help..."

"Oh, I'm sure you would have figured something out..."

"Perhaps, but I'm rather glad that I didn't have to."

Fade said nothing.

"Now, I'm guessing you haven't come here to watch me pretend to relieve myself?"

Fade chuckled, saying, "No, I can honestly say that that was not my intention. Actually, I came here to give you two important pieces of news..."

"About Nok?"

Fade nodded, saying, "The first has to do with him, certainly. I haven't been able to observe him directly, but while I was making my way back from Copp, I discovered a trail of victims. He is getting closer, from what I could tell, and might reach Sun's Rest by sundown."

You Bugger glanced up, noting dismally that the sun was not very far from the horizon. They had a few hours, at best, to reach the town and complete Claudia's Royal Rites.

Hopefully, they would not take long...

"I know that you can take care of yourself, but I must advise caution," Fade said, sounding uncharacteristically worried, "Nok was trained to be an assassin, true, but he lived most of his life as a knight under King Osrik. He is capable with both knife and sword, and he will not hesitate to use both to get rid of you. With Master Gladius missing, he just might be the best swordsman in Alm..."

You Bugger had suspected as much, after seeing the mad assassin's methods for himself, but hearing it from Fade somehow made it real. In the four years he had known him, Fade had never shown the slightest hint of concern for an opponent. He was one of the top three assassins in the Bureau, after all, so there were only two other men who should pose a challenge.

And one of those men wanted to drive a blade straight into You Bugger's heart...

Great.

"Thank you for letting me know. I will be careful, old friend, so rest easy. And besides, it might not even come down to a fight, in the end. If I can get Claudia to where she needs to be and have her complete her task, this all will be over. Claudia will ascend the throne, and with the power of the crown she will be able to easily defeat Nok. I will return to Garn, where I can spend the rest of my days doing what I love... begging in my favourite spot."

"I hope that it will be that simple, friend, I really do. But when has it ever been simple with you?"

You Bugger did not reply. Fade was right, after all.

Soon, Fade began to, well, fade.

"Wait, what was the second piece of information?" You Bugger asked.

"Ah, yes, I did say there were two, didn't I...?" Fade replied, with a chuckle.

"Well?" You Bugger asked.

"Your parents have started looking for you."

You Bugger did not reply.

He couldn't.

He had just been told that a murderous madman was closing in on him, but somehow that had just become the least of his worries...

# Chapter 13: Sun's Rest

You Bugger made his way back to Claudia in a daze.

His parents were looking for him?

That was bad... very, very bad.

But for now, the princess-turned-beggar before him was the priority, so he shoved the distressing news to the furthest reaches of his mind.

"Feeling better?" she asked.

"Not really, but it isn't a problem for you to worry about..." he replied, absentmindedly.

"Oh! Sorry, I didn't know... But, I think that there might be a special kind of tea that can help with... that..." she said, looking embarrassed.

What?

Oh... she had no idea what he was talking about.

"It's not... that," he said, uncomfortable with how far their conversation had strayed, "I'm just worried about Nok. The sooner we get you to Sun's Rest, the better."

"Oh... well, no point in waiting around any longer then?"

Picking up his feet, he proclaimed, with hope in his voice, "Right! And who knows, perhaps Nok is still a long way away!"

*

As he crested the hill, Forty-Nine caught sight of his destination.

Sun's Rest, the Village of Fading Light, lay before him.

Behind it, rising like a spear dipped in oil, was the Black Mountain.

He was close now...

*

The sun was still about two hours from setting by the time they arrived, giving them plenty of time to complete the Royal Rites and find shelter before Nok arrived.

Hopefully.

The guard at the town's entrance looked to be constructed from an equal ratio of wrinkles and grey hair, and barely acknowledged their passage.

Nok could probably defeat the man with a sneeze, if it came to it...

The town proper was quite different from anything You Bugger had seen in Garn or Revere. Sun's Rest was one of the oldest settlements on Alm, and it showed. Every building was made from stone, making it appear that most of them had been seemingly excavated rather than constructed.

The population, too, were ancient, with grey hair far out-stripping blonde or brown. The townspeople, accustomed to a slower way of life, moved with a unified unhurried pace.

They would get to where they were going.

Eventually.

So why hurry?

You Bugger wondered, for a moment, what would happen if they were to discover that the Princess of Brent had just walked into their midst.

There would probably be a large commotion...

Tomorrow.

*

"So, darling, where are we going? The mayor's house? The town square?"

Shaking her head, Claudia replied, "The cemetery."

"Lovely. Just the place for a romantic date," he replied, sarcastically.

"That is where the Royal Rites must take place, no exceptions... although..."

"Although?"

"We can only start the Rites... at sunset."

So much for their head start.

"Why?" he asked, hoping that it was for a reason that could be reasoned against.

"The Royal Tomb, the place I must go, will only open as the last rays of daylight strike its surface. It is a lightlock, created to ensure that only the royal family can enter."

"So we have to just wait around until then?"

"Well... there is somewhere I've always wanted to go..."

*

Forty-Nine could hardly breathe.

The Oddness had become... unbearable.

But why? He had been Odd for longer...

Although those moments had felt like torture.

He was drawing close to the town, and yet, upon his approach, he had picked up a scent.

Smoke.

Someone had lit a fire outside the town walls.

But why?

In his Oddness, he couldn't think straight.

It was always worst, right before a big number.

Fifty... that was a milestone.

His fiftieth kill, therefore, had to be monumental.

Not just any thief or beggar would do...

No... only a princess...

But where was he going to find a princess in a place like this?

Wait... remember the mission...

Remember the reason he was here...

Perfect.

*

"The Hall of History?" You Bugger read, confused.

There were standing outside a building in the centre of town. It looked... discontinuous.

Stone columns outside.

Wooden palisades surrounding it.

And clay tablets adorning mudbrick walls inside.

It was a Hall, that much was true, and from the looks of it, it was also a physical timeline of Alm's History.

Ah...

"Why here, of all places?"

But Claudia was already pushing open the entry curtain made of what looked to be animal skins.

Following her inside, he found more of the same.

"Welcome, to the past!" a voice intoned, coming from every direction at once.

A few seconds later, a wizened old man appeared from some hiding place, wearing a smile that was mostly gums.

He was, without a doubt, the oldest person You Bugger had ever seen.

Perhaps he was going to tell them the story of Alm's history... from memory?

"Ah, it is not often that we see your kind in here... I am surprised that you would spend your time in a place of learning... instead of begging for coin..." he said, in a not unkind tone.

"There are things in this world that no amount of coin can buy. Wisdom, thankfully, is one of them," Claudia replied, with a toothier smile.

"Well spoken, child!" the living relic said, gesturing them closer, "I am Experto Crede, and I am the curator of this Hall. Now tell me, what do you wish to know?"

"What can you tell us?" You Bugger asked, curious.

"Everything," replied Experto, "From the Schism in the West to the Anarchysm in the East. I could tell you about the Lawless Lands, or even the creation of Alm at the hands of the Ruling Family... You must but only ask..."

"I want to hear about... Sebastian the Black," Claudia said, with a look of expectant joy.

"Ah, yes, the first of the Rion line," Experto said, "Now, before we begin, I would suggest you make yourselves comfortable. It is not a tale for the impatient..."

*

Forty-Nine approached the fire, noting the stares he was receiving. There were men here, looking worn and worried, but nevertheless brandishing enough metal to rival a town armoury.

"Who are you?" one of the men asked, prodding Forty-Nine with the tip of his spear.

Kill him.

Become Even.

KILL HIM!

Become Whole.

"I am... Forty-Nine. You are-

One, two, three, four...

"Twelve," he finished, "My number is bigger..."

"A madman, all the way out here?" one of the twelve asked, looking confused.

"He's not a madman, he's an assassin!" a voice cried.

A _familiar_ voice.

Young man.

Coward.

Fast runner.

Denier of Evenness.

Kill.

KILL!

"Mikel, do you know this man?"

The man... boy... man, nodded.

"He attacked us with no warning, slaughtering everyone. Only I escaped..."

"Why am I not surprised," the older man commented, with a look of disgust.

"He's dangerous! We outnumber him, so I say we get rid of him!" cried Mikel, backing away.

Wrong.

Forty-Nine outnumbered Twelve.

Did they not know their basic sums?

But it did not matter.

All they needed to be was expendable.

The Princess... his gateway to Evenness, had proven to be unexpectedly competent at evading him. He needed a plan. He needed help.

But most of all, he needed to be Even...

Only then would the darkness subside...

*

"Sebastian the Black was a knight-captain in the employ of a lord of the Lawless Lands, which at the time was consumed by civil war."

"The Anarchysm," Claudia offered.

"Correct. It was a time of chaos, created from mankind's lack of Rules. Eventually, Sebastian realized that the Lords were going to destroy one another in their madness, and chose to leave the Lawless Lands behind. Taking with him every soldier loyal to him and every person still willing to listen to reason, he took to the seas, in search of something better. After forty days and forty nights, he reached Alm, and landed in the bay which would eventually become Dawnhold."

"How many sailed with him?" You Bugger asked.

"Thousands, and yet thousands more died in the Lawless Lands. To this day, no one has ever returned to that wretched place... But our story is about those that left, and the man who led them. Sebastian the Black was a natural leader, and under his guidance, Alm was settled peacefully. However, it was still without any Rules, and, in their absence, was doomed to follow in the way of the Lawless Lands."

You Bugger already knew this story, but when he saw the joyous look on Claudia's face, he felt compelled to play along.

So he asked, "So where did the rules come from?"

"The Gods themselves. A few years after Sebastian came to Alm, he ventured inland. Arriving at the Mountain, he began to climb. One by one, the brave men and women accompanying him gave up and turned back, unable to keep pace with him. Alone, he reached the peak, becoming the first person to do so, and was rewarded for his efforts. The Gods, the Ruling Family, was there to greet him."

In his head, You Bugger listed them.

Codex, the Rulefather.

Alma, the Mother of the Mountain.

Supremus, The Son who Stands Above.

And Abyssa, The Daughter who Waits Below.

"In recognition of his achievements, and in order to prevent another Anarchysm, the Gods gave Sebastian two gifts."

"The Ring and the Rules," Claudia intoned, spellbound.

"That's right. Sebastian received the first Black Ring, which carried with it the Heart of the Mountain. It was made from a pitch-black metal only found on the Mountain, and it glowed when exposed to the light of day. Today, it is called Rionite."

You Bugger nodded. The man spoke truth.

"With the Ring, Sebastian the Black became Sebastian de Rion, the first of his line. With the Rules, he brought order to Alm, and allowed all those who followed them to reach Accordia, the Godland, upon their death. For those who broke the rules..."

"An eternity in the lightless Abyss," You Bugger finished.

*

"Look, it's a simple plan. We kill this madman, and then take over the town!" the Arbiter said, facing his fellows, "The majority of the people here are facing their last winter, so we'll encounter little resistance. In a few months, things will be like they were in Revere, you'll see!"

"You mean before our boss lost his head?" Mikel ventured.

That silenced them.

But in that silence, there was room for madness...

"Gentlemen, Arbiters, whatever you want to call yourself... I have a proposition to make," Forty-Nine said, from his position beside the fire. They had bound his arms with rope and taken what they thought were all of his weapons.

In other words, negotiations were underway.

"Well, you have nothing we want, so shut it!" one of the thieves replied.

"Really? I must have been mistaken, then, in believing that thieves loved coin more than their own mothers..."

This earned him their full attention.

"What are you talking about, madman?"

"I am in need of some assistance in a matter that is rather important to me. For every man who lends me his aid, I will grant them a hundred gold coins."

The thieves looked at him with mouths agape.

Even Mikel, the coward, could not look away.

"One... hundred... gold... coins?" the rude thief said, mouth practically salivating at the thought.

It was more than they would ever hold in a lifetime, he was sure.

"Prove it," said Mikel, ever-wary, "Prove you have the money, then we'll talk."

"As you wish," he replied, stepping out of his bonds.

Immediately, the last of the Arbiters took a collective step back, weapons drawn.

Reaching inside his clothes, he moved various sharp things out of the way until he found the bag. It was his advance fee, but it would do for proof.

Counting out twelve golden coins, he tossed them into the air, leaving the thieves scrambling for cover. However, once they saw what he had thrown, their escape turned into a frenzied rush, as they shoved one another out of the way to claim their prize.

"Worry not, gentlemen, for that is just the start. Ninety-nine more coins await, for those of you who will follow me."

After the last coin had been retrieved, the men stood and looked at him with new eyes.

"What would you have us do... master?" the formerly rude thief asked.

"A simple task. I am hunting a pair of beggars, a man and a woman. They are somewhere in Sun's Rest, so I want you to disguise yourselves and find them. Once you do, report back to me, and I will kill them. You are not to harm them, especially the woman, understand?"

"Two beggars? For a hundred gold coins we would help you slay the Princess herself, you know?" Mikel asked, looking confused.

"I know, and you will..."

*

"Sebastian the Black, or Sebastian de Rion, as he was now known, went on to father twelve children. They would become the first kings and queens of Alm, including Sebastian's lastborn, Brent de Rion, who founded the Kingdom of Brent. After many more years of life, Sebastian finally lived his last winter, and left this world for good. Filled with gratitude and respect for the man who had led them to safety and prosperity, every able-bodied man and woman on Alm gathered at the Rion estate. Together, they built a monumental memorial to their great leader-

"The Sword of the Mountain..." Claudia whispered.

"Yes, the Sword of the Mountain," Experto nodded, before continuing, "Sebastian was placed beneath its mighty blade, an eternal protector against the Abyss, so that he might rest in peace."

"Upon the Sword was carved his personal motto, Strength Above All, so that everyone would know that he was up there, forever watching over them," Experto said, wiping away an imaginary tear.

It was clear that he had given this talk many, many times before.

"And that, is the story of Sebastian the Black, the Man who Became More," he concluded.

"Thank you, Experto, for your time," Claudia said, bowing slightly.

"It is my pleasure, to educate the uneducated!" he replied, with a toothless smile, "These Halls will always welcome those who seek wisdom, so come back anytime!"

Thanking him once more, they left.

*

Sir Aern finished burying the three unfortunate thieves, mind churning.

They had been killed in a brutal way, but it had not been a mindless act of aggression, he could tell.

Each man had been felled in a single blow to a vital spot.

But who could do such a thing?

And of course, there were two tracks of footprints, one moving much faster than the other.

Both had headed west, towards Sun's Rest.

A survivor?

As he started walking, he pondered over what it all meant. Everything he had seen, everything he had encountered, seemed to part of something much bigger than he had first thought.

A gang of bandits, roaming the countryside, being picked off by an unseen assailant.

A missing princess, disguised as a beggar.

A killer, carving a path from Garn to Sun's Rest.

And then, the answer came to him.

He knew who the killer was, and why the Princess had gone missing. He also knew exactly where to go.

The only unknown was the mysterious male beggar... but he was inconsequential.

Most likely, he was nothing more than an unfortunate vagrant who had become caught up in this tale of assassins and princesses.

"Hold on, Claudia, I'm coming to save you!" he cried, as he started to run, towards his future queen.

*

Once outside, You Bugger turned to Claudia and asked the question he had been holding onto since they had arrived at the Hall, "Why did we come here?"

Claudia stared off into the distance for a while, watching the sun sink, before answering, "As you know, when I was a child, my parents would often tell me stories about Sebastian the Black. I was awed, in every way, at how much a single person, with enough determination, could accomplish. Now that I am only moments away from ascending the throne and taking charge of an entire kingdom... I needed to hear those stories again... because if he could do it, why can't I?"

You Bugger head the words unsaid. Her heard her worries, as clearly as if she had shouted them.

"You think that you'll fail? You think that you won't be a good ruler... a good queen?"

Claudia, blushing slightly, nodded.

"Cla- Simplicity... from what I have seen in these past few days... how you fought an assassin, learnt how to beg in a single morning and even shouted at the Lord of War himself... I can honestly say that you will not be a good queen..."

Claudia looked up at him, blue eyes sparkling in the fading light.

"You will be the best queen Brent has ever seen. I promise you that..." he finished.

She said nothing, for a while.

"Thank you... Sir Bugger, that means a lot to me," she eventually said, smiling.

Taking her hand, he lead her away.

"Now, how about we go and make you that queen?"

Together, they left the Hall of History, having learnt of the past, and ready to face whatever the future held...

# Chapter 14: Rulebreaker

The sun was mere moments from disappearing by the time they arrived at the cemetery. Thankfully, an army of unseen grave keepers had hung several coloured lanterns around the area, illuminating the place of eternal rest.

In the centre of the cemetery, looming large above the tombstones, was the Royal Tomb. It was a cube of solid stone, with no apparent doors, windows or frescoes. Viewed from afar, it looked... unfinished, and many would be hard-pressed to believe that it housed the bodies of the kings and queens of Brent.

"So, I have been meaning to ask... what exactly are you going to do in there?" You Bugger asked, as they approached the unadorned structure.

"The Royal Rites have been used since King Brent himself passed on, as a means of selecting the next rightful ruler. First, one must journey across the kingdom and arrive at Sun's Rest safely, proving that they can take care of themselves, before taking care of an entire kingdom. Then, one must enter the Royal Tomb, showing that they are ready to accept the burden that will sit upon their shoulders until they too lie within it. And finally, as proof of their right to rule, one must retrieve the Royal Ring interred within."

"Royal Ring?" asked You Bugger, feeling his own ring brush against his chest as he moved.

It was worthless to him now, and yet, at the same time, it was also priceless.

"A White Ring, made in mimicry of Sebastian the Black's original ring. Every king and queen in Alm wears one, coloured in the manner of their kingdom's Royal Emblem. It is a sign, and a promise, and without it, I can never be queen."

"Where will it be?"

Claudia shook her head.

"I don't know. They would have been taken from the hands of my parents before they were buried, and hidden somewhere inside. Some people have taken days to find them, or so I've been told, so you might want to make yourself comfortable..."

"I'll wait as long as I need to, so don't worry. Whenever you come out, I'll be here..."

Claudia looked at him, with something different in her gaze.

You Bugger didn't understand it, but it did make him feel... strange.

*

"Are you ready?" You Bugger asked, at the last rays of light struck Sun's Rest.

Claudia hesitated for a moment before replying, "I think so. The real fight comes after this, so spending a few hours in an unlit tomb shouldn't be a problem..."

She held a white lantern in hand, casting shadows across the blank stone of the Royal Tomb.

For a moment, You Bugger wondered if she was wrong about the secret entrance. What if they had come all this way, for nothing?

A heartbeat later, the last ray of light fell, striking the tomb. It went through a hole barely bigger than an iris, a single beam of light which immediately caused a reaction.

From within the bland structure, You Bugger heard the sounds of grating gears and turning cranks. Whatever machinery lay within had obviously been well maintained by the grave keepers.

Slowly, a seam appeared in the rock, a line no wider than a single hair. As they watched, it grew, transforming into the outline of a door, which then began to slide open, revealing the murky darkness beyond.

The entire process took less than a minute, and where once had been smooth stone, now stood an entrance into the lower crypt. A flight of marble stairs led further in, descending quickly into the void.

"Good luck... your majesty," You Bugger said, with a smile.

"Thank you, You Bugger," she replied, and for the first time in five years, it didn't sound like an insult...

*

"There goes the future Queen of Brent," Fade said, stepping out from the shadows.

"And a fine ruler she will be, if she stays the path," You Bugger replied, turning to face him.

"She has you to thank for that, you know."

"I only guided her here, I never carried her."

"And yet she has been forever changed from meeting you..."

"You think so?" You Bugger asked, doubtful.

"I was."

*

Forty-Nine led his men through the streets, noting with satisfaction that all who saw them wisely decided to turn in for the night.

He was so close now...

Soon, he would be Even once more.

Soon...

*

"So that's why he was coming here... thank you, friend, that makes everything clearer..."

"Glad to be of help, although I do not think that anything will come of it. Even if you were to expose him, a beggar's word against _his_... well, I shouldn't have to tell you, of all people."

"At the very least, I can let Claudia know, and maybe she can do something about it..."

"First, we need to ensure that she gets out of here safely," Fade said, looking worried.

"What do you mean? We won, didn't we? Claudia made it to Sun's Rest and is even now completing her Royal Rites! Once she has those rings, Nok can't touch her..."

Fade looked at him for a moment, before replying, "If he was anyone else, then I would agree with you. But Nok, having come so far and spilled so much blood, will not simply give up. Even if it means killing a queen, he will do it. _That's_ the kind of person that he is..."

"He's right, you know!" cried a voice that You Bugger had not heard in several days.

Turning, he saw a nightmare.

Nok, killer of men, stood before him.

Oddly, there were several others standing behind him, although they did not look like assassins.

"Well met, Fade," Nok said, taking a step forward. Behind him, the men unsheathed a variety of weapons and moved to cover the exits.

"Forty-Three," Fade replied.

"It's Forty-Nine now," Nok replied, flashing a look of annoyance.

Oh shit.

"You are... with them?" Nok asked, gesturing towards You Bugger and the tomb.

Fade nodded.

"I see... then we are at Odds on this one," Nok said, voice growing colder, "And you know how I feel about Odds..."

"This doesn't have to end in bloodshed, Forty-Nine," Fade said, stepping forward, "Claudia is completing her Royal Rites as we speak, marking her as Queen of Brent. She is no longer the Princess you were hired to kill, you know that..."

"I do," Nok replied, with a cruel smile, "But this isn't about that anymore. I have promised myself that she will be my Fiftieth, that's all. Even if I don't receive a coin more of what was promised to me, by killing her, I will be Whole once more."

At this, the men behind him gave an alarmed glance.

"But you and I cannot fight, so unless you want to help me, get out of my way," Nok concluded.

You Bugger looked to Fade, remembering that for all their talks of friendship, there was still much that they kept hidden from one another.

"What is he talking about, Fade?"

"Rule Thirteen of the Assassins Code: Do not interfere with another assassin's target. I have already stretched the rule to breaking, just by being here. I cannot fight him, lest I be cast out of the Assassins Bureau and be condemned to the Abyss. I'm sorry, friend, for hiding it from you."

"Yes, now step aside," Nok said, moving forward.

Fade, unfortunately, did so.

*

Forty-Nine smiled to himself, as he watched the situation unfold.

He had been aiming too low, after all.

As soon as Claudia lay dead at his feet, Rule Thirteen would no longer apply. He could kill Fade, and his beggar friend too, and become the second most feared assassin in Alm.

Glancing backwards, his smile widened.

By the time he left Sun's Rest, he would be nine thousand gold coins richer, and he would have a new number.

Sixty-Four... it had a nice ring to it...

*

"And then there was one," Nok spat, turning his attention towards You Bugger.

"I am of the same mind as Fade," You Bugger said, raising his hands, "This doesn't have to end in bloodshed."

"I agree," Nok said, surprisingly.

"You do?"

"Yes. I only want the Princess. You, beggar, are free to go."

You Bugger had wanted to hear those words since he had first encountered Claudia, all those nights ago.

He had never expected to hear them from the man hunting her, however.

It was a good offer, on the surface. Leave, unharmed, and finally return to his life in Garn.

He could live out the rest of his days, in peace, begging in his favourite spot.

"Here, I'll even give you something for your troubles," Nok said, suddenly pulling out something from his cloak.

Without hesitation, he threw it into the air. It caught the lantern-light as it fell, showering the cemetery in golden light.

You Bugger snatched it from the air, surprised at how heavy it was.

It carried the promise of a better tomorrow, after all.

Sitting in his palm was a gold coin.

He had not held one in years...

It was a fortune to anyone, not just beggars. And Nok had thrown it away as easily as one would toss garbage.

"Don't worry, one coin out of nine thousand is nothing. Take it, and be merry," Nok said, with an evil smile.

You Bugger wanted to. He _really_ did.

He even ran through the Art of Begging in his mind, searching for a way out. But, as he did so, he was reminded of a different rule.

A newer rule.

"I'm sorry," he said, "But I cannot accept this. I must follow Rule Eight, after all."

And then, after a moment's hesitation, he threw the coin back.

*

"Rule Eight... what was it for beggars... Do not maintain eye contact?" Nok said, clearly confused.

"That is correct, but that is not the rule I was talking about. Rule Eight: Do not run away from a fight..."

If anything, this confused Nok even more.

"Why is a beggar using a rule meant for knights?" he asked, laughter in his voice.

"Because I am one."

Nok stared at him, dumbfounded.

"Claudia knighted _you_?"

You Bugger nodded.

"Oh will this madness never end!?!" Nok cried, drawing his black blade.

You Bugger knew what was coming next, so he thought faster than ever before.

"Wait!" he cried, as the assassin prepared to charge, "I invoke Rule Three... of the Way of the Sword."

Nok hesitated, lowering his blade an inch.

"You... wish to challenge me to a duel?"

You Bugger nodded once more.

"You? A beggar? Want to fight me, a former knight and master assassin?" Nok asked, sounding astonished.

Even the men behind him looked confused, as if they could not figure out if they were supposed to laugh or not.

"Unless you don't think that you could win?" You Bugger said, in an innocent voice.

"I have killed soldiers, bandits and soon, royalty. But I have never killed a beggar."

"And you never will, I promise you," You Bugger said, hoping that his goading was having the desired effect. If Nok decided to simply attack, then it was all over.

He had to lead him away from the tomb... away from Claudia.

And if he fell to Nok's blade, then at least Fade could get her to the capital safely.

"FINE!" Nok screamed, clearly frustrated.

Good.

"Let us move away from here, then, unless you want your men to see you kill a helpless beggar?"

Nok deliberated for a moment before nodding.

Perfect.

Away from any witnesses. Away from people who would question what they had seen unfold. Away from those who would wonder why a beggar knew how to use a blade...

Turning to his men, he snarled, "No one is to leave this cemetery alive, understand? If the Princess appears, capture her. Fail me, and my number will grow, understand?"

The men, looking fearful, nodded.

*

You Bugger led Nok to the other side of the cemetery, near the town's edge. There was no one around, and only a handful of white lanterns provided a paltry light.

Not the place he had envisioned himself dying, if he was to be honest.

But then again, he did not plan on dying... not tonight.

*

"Are you afraid, assassin?" the thief called out, with a menacing smirk, "That your little beggar friend is going to be killed? Or are you worried that you will be next?"

Fade shook his head, a smile forming on his face.

"I am not worried about myself or my friend," he said, addressing the unfortunate group, "I am more worried about Nok... the man has no idea who he is really dealing with..."

"Oh? Well aren't you so brave, for a man who isn't allowed to fight us!" the thief announced, brandishing his sword.

Fade took a step towards the man, whose look instantly changed from bravado to hesitation.

"You are mistaken, gentlemen, in your understanding of the Assassin's Code. True, I am forbidden from attacking your... employer..."

He took another step forward.

"However... the Code doesn't say anything about you!" he cried, dashing forward, a shadow with sharp edges...

*

"Tell me, beggar, why go so far for someone you barely know?" Nok asked, as he tested his blade, slashing through the air with focused precision.

It was a question You Bugger had asked himself many times in the last few days, and he had yet to find a satisfactory answer.

However, as he watched the mad assassin prepare to kill him, the words came to him.

"She is worth it," he replied, standing proud, "She will lead this kingdom well, and by her hand, everyone will come to know peace, from the poorest beggar to the richest lord. That... is why I would fight for her... that is why I would die for her..."

"Spoken like a knight, and yet I do not find that your words have convinced me to spare her. Others will take her place, others who are more capable, more competent, so perhaps it is better for her to die before she has a chance to fail? Is that not mercy, in its own way?"

"Claudia will prove you wrong, although you will have to watch her succeed from afar, and through a set of prison bars."

"Maybe, but she will never get that chance if she dies tonight..."

"That's not going to happen," You Bugger said, reaching over his shoulder, feeling for the polished hilt.

"I was trained by the best swordsmen in Lisare, and then again by the master assassins of the Bureau. I have killed forty-nine people, beggar, and you will be no different. I doubt you even know how to swing your weapon!"

Gripping _Generosity's_ hilt, You Bugger thought back, to that wintry day all those years ago.

It had been a while... but his body had not forgotten.

"Let's see!" he cried, dashing forward, blade out and falling in a diagonal slash that was near-perfect in its execution.

However, to beat Nok, he needed to be better.

The assassin, while surprised, managed to move out of the way, swiping to the side with his own black blade. The steel brushed past You Bugger's cloak, slicing through several layers.

Thankfully, the winters in Garn were cold, and he had many to spare.

"COME!" Nok screamed, twisting into a new stance before lashing out once more.

You Bugger parried the blow, feeling the weight of the steel forcing him back.

Nok was good.

Almost the best You Bugger had ever faced.

*

You Bugger, panting with exhaustion, barely avoided the next blow. They had been trading steel for several minutes, and his lack of practice was beginning to show.

One did not build muscle staring at the ground all day, after all.

"You have impressed me, beggar, with your refusal to die!" Nok screamed, eyes wild.

You Bugger did not reply as he was too busy trying to regain his breath.

He had several shallow cuts along his arms and legs where Nok's steel had struck flesh.

Nok, or Forty-Nine as he preferred to be known, was uninjured.

Perhaps a beggar could not beat an assassin after all...

Not that that would stop You Bugger from trying.

Without warning, he leapt into the air, bringing _Generosity_ down in a wide arc. Predictably, Nok managed to dodge the blow, but as he sidestepped You Bugger heaved the blade to the side, changing its course.

He felt the sword strike flesh, but it was not enough.

A line of red appeared on Nok's shoulder, enough to aggravate, but not enough to kill.

"HOW DARE YOU!" the madman replied, sending out a flurry of blows.

You Bugger managed to fend off most of them, but was left with a wound to his knee for his troubles.

Around them, the flickering lantern light threw up shadows across the gravestones.

At least they wouldn't have to go far to bury him, a pessimistic part of him thought, as he avoided another sweeping strike.

Think.

Think harder.

How could he win, against someone far better than himself.

He had done it once before, hadn't he?

But how had he done it?

Ah, yes...

By breaking the rules...

*

"Tell me, Forty-Nine, who is the greatest swordsman in Alm?" You Bugger asked, skipping back three steps, creating a space between them.

Nok, barely panting, gave him that.

Perhaps he knew how this was going to end.

Or at least he _thought_ he knew...

"Fool, I am reminded that you are nothing more than a beggar, in the end," Nok said, with a cruel laugh, "Out of all the swordsmen in Alm, there is only one who stands above. Undefeated, unbroken, unparalleled, his name... is Master Gladius, although he disappeared from sight many years ago, without reason."

"You're wrong," You Bugger said, moving into a stance he had not used in a very long time.

"In what way?"

"In every way," You Bugger said, loosening his grip on _Generosity_ , "He is no longer the best swordsman in Alm, he is not undefeated, and he did not disappear without reason..."

Nok laughed, lowering his blade.

Perfect.

"You speak as if you know him?" he said, with a demeaning chuckle.

"I do. He was my master, until I defeated him in a duel, causing him to retire."

You Bugger waited for the laughter to subside.

" _You_? You defeated the greatest swordsman Alm has ever known?"

You Bugger nodded.

"How in the Abyss would that have happened?!?"

"Let me show you," You Bugger said, tensing his arms.

He would only get one chance.

"But first, one final question... do you know what Rule Zero is, for the Way of the Sword?"

Nok looked at him, with suspicion in his eyes. But it was too late.

It had been too late ever since he lowered his sword.

"Of course! Every swordsman knows it, and yet none have to be taught it! Rule Zero: Never throw away your weapon!"

"Right..." You Bugger said, lowering _Generosity_ , "But some rules were made to be broken!"

And then he threw away his weapon.

*

_Generosity_ flew high, travelling in a perfect arc.

Predictably, Nok's eyes followed the airborne blade.

That was his mistake.

In that moment, when Nok's full attention was on the sword above him, he forgot about the beggar below.

You Bugger flew forward, moving faster than he ever had before.

Drawing back his right arm, he formed a fist, pouring all of his remaining strength into it.

A heartbeat later, he lashed out, punching with all his might.

Nok looked down just in time to see the blow, and yet not fast enough to avoid it.

It connected with a solid _thump_ , sending the surprised assassin flying. He hit the ground with another _thump_ , sword falling from his hand.

Finally, it was over.

And then _Generosity_ fell, stabbing the would-be killer in the chest.

Oops.

*

You Bugger stared at the scene before him.

Nok, killer of dozens, lay with his eyes open, staring at the stars.

_Generosity_ , Knightsword, pierced his breast, delivering a fatal blow.

How had this happened?

Ah... yes... Master Gladius had been smart enough to move out of the way...

"What... just... happened...?" Nok wheezed, as he stared at the blade embedded in his chest.

You Bugger approached, at a loss for words.

"You... beat... me...?"

You Bugger nodded.

"How?!?"

You Bugger shook his head.

"I... was so close... to being... Even..."

Nok coughed, sending a spurt of blood into the air.

It wouldn't be long...

"You... took that... away from me... You... killed me... at Forty-Nine..."

He stopped to take in a deep breath, but You Bugger could tell that it was getting harder.

"How did... a simple beggar... beat me...? How did I... lose to... you?"

You Bugger shook his head.

He didn't know either.

"At least... tell me... your name...?"

You Bugger knelt beside the mad assassin. He could almost see his life-force leaving him, with every tortured breath.

"Most people call me You Bugger. You, however, can call me... _One_."

Nok did not reply.

He was gone, with only a frozen snarl left in his place.

It was done.

# Chapter 15: A Suitable Reward

You Bugger returned to the Royal Tomb in a daze, struggling to process what had just occurred.

He was only half-surprised to find Fade waiting for him.

The last of the Arbiters, poor things, were on the ground around him.

They were hurt, some very much so, but all of them were breathing.

At least they would have plenty of time to recover, in prison.

"Nok?" asked Fade, as he came closer.

You Bugger shook his head.

"He has begun his journey to the Abyss, may he find his peace along the way..."

"Well, perhaps it is for the best..." Fade said, looking strangely uncomfortable.

When You Bugger gave him a questioning gaze, he sighed and said, "Now that he is... gone, I can finally tell you the truth. A few weeks ago, a servant approached me with an offer. Nine thousand gold coins in exchange for the head of the Princess of Brent. Of course, I declined the job and went on my way, forgetting about the meeting, until I realized that Nok had been given the same deal..."

"And you couldn't mention this before?"

"The Assassin's Code," Fade said, shrugging, "Is very clear on the matter."

Reaching out and placing his hand on You Bugger's shoulder, he said, "Forgive me, my friend, but I really couldn't let you know until now..."

"I understand, Fade," You Bugger said, and he meant it. He knew all too well how restrictive the rules could be.

Feeling the weight of Fade's hand upon his shoulder, he remembered his fatigue. It had been a long day, and all You Bugger wanted to do was collapse into a soft bed. However, even exhausted and pushed to his limits, he knew that this wasn't over.

Not until Claudia emerged.

And they would stand guard all night, if need be.

Thankfully, it looked like that wouldn't be necessary.

A sudden churning, emanating from the Royal Tomb, made them both glance towards it. In an identical manner as before, a door slowly emerged.

However, no princess came through it.

"Claudia, it's safe to come out!" You Bugger called, facing the darkness.

From deep within, he heard a reply.

"I heard sounds of fighting... so prove you really are You Bugger!"

Sighing, You Bugger searched his mind for a way to prove his identity.

Ah... that would do...

"A bowl of Squeaker Stew and a bag of powdered ale!" he called out, to Fade's bafflement.

A few moments of silence passed before she replied, "Are there any tails in the stew?"

"None."

"Then five copper coins!"

"Correct!"

Claudia, forsaking her turn to ask, appeared from the darkness a few seconds later, clutching a ceremonial mace that she had most likely pried from the hands of one of her ancestors.

You Bugger had no doubt that she had been prepared to use it to fight her way out of the cemetery...

"Welcome back, your majesty!" he cried, with honest joy.

Dropping the mace, she ran forward, flinging her arms around him.

For a moment, he allowed himself to enjoy the warm sensation, before gently pushing her away.

After collecting herself, she raised her hands, showing her prize.

Two White Royal Rings.

Simplicity the beggar had become Queen Claudia de Brent, at long last...

Bowing, You Bugger said, "Congratulations, your majesty, on ascending the throne."

"Rise, Sir Bugger, and be at ease!" she said, in a put-on condescending tone.

"It is a pleasure to finally meet you, your majesty," Fade said, with a similar bow.

"Do I know you?" Claudia asked, suspicion painted across her sweaty brow.

"I am called Fade, an assassin of the highest ability, and a friend to you and yours. You have nothing to fear from me, and you have my word on that..."

Turning to face You Bugger, Claudia chuckled and said, "An assassin for a friend? Honestly, nothing about you is predictable..."

It was then that Claudia seemed to take in the scene for what it was.

"What... happened here?"

"Nok attacked while you were inside," Fade said, "Along with a few unfortunate helpers."

"Is he...?"

"He will not bother you anymore," You Bugger said, with a smile.

Claudia took a moment to process the news.

Eventually, with a matching smile, she said, "Thank you, both of you... There is not enough gold in Brent to repay this... but perhaps I can find something more valuable for you..."

*

They were preparing to leave the cemetery when they heard the scream.

A battle cry, echoing throughout the area.

It sounded... familiar.

"CLAUDIA! I'm coming to save you!"

A moment later, a man in gleaming armour burst through the iron-wrought gates, wielding a sword and searching for enemies.

"YOU!" he screamed, as he took stock of who stood before him, "Unhand the Princess and I will end you quickly!"

Fade immediately brought out a knife from... somewhere.

_Generosity_ , cleaned and returned to its hiding place, stayed put.

"Sir Aern, you have made two mistakes," Claudia said, facing the frenzied knight, "Firstly, these men are my protectors, and I will not tolerate any harm that comes to them."

Sir Aern lowered his sword, slowly, looking confused.

"And secondly, you address your queen, and you will refer to me as such," she said, brandishing the White Rings.

Immediately, Sir Aern fell to his knees, overwhelmed.

"But- I thought- That you were in danger..."

"I was. But I'm not anymore."

"Because of them?" Sir Aern said, gesturing with his blade.

Claudia nodded.

"I don't- This makes no- How could this- What?"

Sighing, Claudia walked forward, placing her hand on Sir Aern's pauldron.

"Rest, Sir Aern, your journey is over. I release you from your mission. Now go home, and let this night fade from your mind..."

Sir Aern, still mumbling to himself, did not acknowledge his queen.

Shaking her head, Claudia gestured for You Bugger to follow her. Fade, naturally, had already disappeared back into the shadows.

Leaving the confused knight behind, they left the cemetery... together.

It had been a long day, and the hardest part was yet to come, but for a moment, they were able to forget their troubles, and enjoy their victory.

*

"All hail Her Majesty, Queen Claudia de Brent!" Lord Roth cried, leading the chant.

The rest of the court followed suit, filling the enormous room with cacophonous sound.

From the looks of it, every lord and lady in Brent had come to the capital to see their new queen.

You Bugger, dressed in rags and smelling like rot, noticeably stood out. He had rejected Claudia's offer of fine silk robes and a perfumed bath.

He was a beggar, and he would dress and smell like one.

In the days since leaving Sun's Rest, he had had many discussions with his queen. They had spoken about the beggars of Brent, and how they could be looked after without being pitied. They had spoken about the Council, and their genuine surprise at seeing Claudia standing at the gates of Sun's Rest when Lord Roth arrived, rings clearly visible.

They had spoken about the future, which for You Bugger contained his favourite spot and his favourite activity.

But Claudia had insisted, upon reaching Garn, that You Bugger travel with her to the capital. She was determined to find 'a suitable reward' for the man who had safeguarded her during her journey.

Even though You Bugger already had everything he could ever want...

*

Queen Claudia, dressed in a white dress that flowed across the carpeted floor, looked down on her new subjects. On her head, a white-gold circlet, denoting her status. She stood beside the empty throne, upon which had been laid the King's Crown.

Royal Rule Three: Only a king shall sit the throne.

Seeing her standing up there, she looked... radiant, but alone.

Hopefully she would find someone worthy enough to stand beside her...

Lord Roth, wearing his silver chain of office, approached the dais and said, with a half-bow, "My queen, I know that this is a day of celebration, and I hate to point this out... but you have yet to choose a husband. Brent cannot be without a king, as I'm sure you know..."

Claudia stiffened slightly, smile dropping by a minute amount.

"I am aware, Lord Roth," she said, with an icy tone.

"Well, perhaps... seeing how you are having such... difficulty... in this matter, the Council might be of some help?"

Claudia said nothing.

"I know that you are waiting for someone you deem... worthy, but perhaps your standards are a bit... high? It is in my humble opinion that there is someone here who would make for an excellent king..."

Claudia stared at the man, forcing him to take an involuntary step backwards.

"Yes... I propose that you marry... Sir Aern!" Lord Roth said, with a flourish.

Sir Aern, dressed in gleaming armour, stepped forward.

The Council of Nine, standing behind him, began clapping, as if Claudia had already agreed.

"Worry not, Council, Lords and Ladies!" Claudia cried, immediately silencing those before her, "I have weighed this matter heavily in my heart and in my mind, and I am in agreement with you!"

The applause, once silence, began to start up again.

"However, I do not find Sir Aern... suitable... to sit the throne. In fact, there is only one among you is truly worthy..."

Lord Roth looked confused, which was understandable.

Who else could she mean?

With a clear, strong voice, Claudia announced, "I hereby proclaim, irrevocably and eternally, that my husband and King of Brent is... You Bugger!"

Wait, what?

# Epilogue: No Good Deed

You Bugger silently fumed as he made his way down the deserted street.

It wasn't fair!

All he had wanted was to return to Garn and beg in peace, not become the bloody king of the country!

But Claudia had the power to marry with impunity... and that meant that he, effectively, could not refuse...

So now he was King Bugger... what a mess...

But that was a problem for tomorrow. For now, he had to deal with a larger issue.

*

The mansion loomed above the rest of the city, sitting on one of the two hills at either end of the Bay of Dawn. Sitting atop the opposing hill was the Royal Palace, his new home.

Well, he would see about that...

Turning his attention back to the imposing mansion, he moved closer, noting that only one window was illuminated.

The mansion was the meeting place of the Council of Nine, where they would come together once a month in order to discuss recent events and plan for the future.

Tonight, they were having an emergency, unscheduled gathering.

He wondered why...

As he approached, a pair of guards sighted him and stepped forward, barring his path.

And then they saw who he was.

A moment later, they stepped aside, apologizing furiously.

Being king did have a few perks, at least...

*

"What was Claudia thinking, marrying a beggar of all people!" a woman's voice cried, from further within the building.

"Clearly, her journey cost the poor thing her sanity..." a man responded, with false pity.

"Is there no way we can undo this? Surely there must be a rule about marrying beggars? And if not, then perhaps we can remove her from the throne on grounds of insanity!"

"I'm afraid to say, Lord Gelding, that there is no way out of this. Claudia has the Royal Rules on her side, and they very clearly state that she can marry whoever she wishes. Even if that person is... undesirable..."

"But Lady Gettwel, word has already begun to spread! Once our neighbours learn that we have a beggar for a king, Brent will become a laughing stock! Some of them might even move against us, sensing weakness! Claudia might have meant well, but her actions today might spell the end of Brent!"

"Lords and Ladies, please, do not fret!" Lord Roth's voice, clear and distinct, called out, "This is nothing more than an unforeseen turn in the path. Our destination remains unchanged. We will deal with this... _You Bugger_... and then, if Claudia does not learn her lesson, we will... take action..."

You Bugger had heard enough.

Taking a page from Fade's book, he moved through the shadows, emerging in a well-lit room.

The Council, nine men and women who, together with the king and queen, controlled Brent, sat before him around a large, circular table.

There were ten seats, he noticed, but only nine people.

A symbolic gesture that the king, while not required to attend, was never to be excluded.

So You Bugger took them up on their unspoken invitation, dropping into the cushioned chair with barely a sound.

*

It took the Council a few seconds to notice the new addition to their ranks. When they did, their expressions ranged from shock to disgust, and in the case of Lord Roth, rage.

All of them, however, had spent years dealing with kings, and quickly regained their composure.

Lord Roth even cracked a smile.

"Greetings, Your... Majesty," he said, forcing a conciliatory tone.

"Greetings, Lord Roth," You Bugger replied, smiling confidently.

"We were just discussing the surprising turn of events of the day..." said Lord Gelding, a shrewd looking man well past his prime.

"Yes, I _heard_."

All of them jumped at this.

Good.

"It is actually quite fortuitous that you came, Sire," said Lady Gettwel, a sickly looking woman who frequently stopped talking to dab at her mouth with a lace handkerchief.

"Really?" replied You Bugger, genuinely surprised.

"Why yes! We were all very worried about you, a lowly beggar, being forced to take on this very... unusual role. We are sure that you would rather be doing whatever it is that beggars do, not worrying about managing finances and enacting laws! So, with that in mind, we wanted to remind you of a power that you possess that can make this all go away..." she said, with a sickly-sweet smile.

"And what power would that be?"

"Abdication."

*

"You would have me give up the throne?" he asked, barely keeping his tone neutral.

"It would be for the best... for both Brent, and for yourself... do you not agree?"

Part of him did. Part of him really wanted to return to Garn and partake in the Beggar's Feast. But a bigger part of him knew that he could not leave Claudia alone, surrounded by enemies.

Perhaps once she was safe, he would take them up on their offer.

"Lady Gettwel, the Lord of Health, speaks truth," he replied, watching their faces light up, "However, I cannot abandon the throne until I have finished investigating an abnormality that has come to my attention..."

Blank stares greeted him.

"I may have only been king for a few hours, but in that time I decided to take stock of my kingdom, starting with the royal treasury."

Lady Gettwel's face, impossibly, became even paler.

"Now, as the Council, surely you have noticed this irregularity as well? Lord Gelding, as the Lord of Commerce, you have no doubt observed a few spending oddities in the ledger?"

Lord Gelding shook his head, saying, "Sire, I must admit that I don't have the slightest idea what you are talking about..."

"I see... Well, then let me explain it to you. In the ledger, there are several unexplained withdrawals, one for each of you, as it turns out. One thousand gold coins were taken by the Lord of Transport, Lady Atto, for the construction of a new fleet, and yet the shipyards lie empty? One thousand gold coins were withdrawn by the Lord of Defence, Lady Armoire, for the construction of an outpost on our southern border. However, we have a pact in place with the kingdom of Brenna forbidding such a structure."

*

Most of the Council had started sweating.

Only Lord Roth remained calm.

"The same could be said for Lord Buldem, Lord Gelding, Lady Reven, Lord Graham, Lord Billow and Lady Gettwel. One thousand gold coins each, taken to be spent on projects that either do not exist, or that are impossible in the first place. Now, assuming that you have not collectively lost your minds, I believe that this large sum was taken for a reason."

"What are you implying, _Sire_?" Lord Roth spat.

"I am implying that, together with the one thousand gold coins _you_ took out to re-arm all seven of Copp's town guard, there are nine thousand gold coins unaccounted for."

Taking in the anxious faces before him, he continued, "And, in an occurrence that I'm sure you will all claim to be coincidental, this amount matches exactly the fee paid to the man known as Nok, who was hired to assassinate Claudia. In fact, I encountered Lord Roth on the Highroad while he was on his way to finalize that very transaction."

"Are you saying that we hired an assassin to kill the queen?" Lady Reven, a woman of sharp angles and sharper gazes, said, in an affronted tone.

"I am simply saying that the numbers add up, and that the man hired to kill Claudia was a big fan of numbers. Of course, there is no proof, however, I will be using every power available to me in order to investigate this fully..."

The Council relaxed slightly. They believed that they were safe.

Fools.

With a relaxed manner, he raised his right hand, showing them the White Ring of Brent. Claudia had placed it upon his finger herself, even as he had protested her declaration.

It was a symbol of his power, his kingship, and it should have been respected as such.

The Council, however, was unfazed.

Lord Roth, with a relaxed smile, stood, saying, "Your Majesty, you are new to the throne, so we will forgive this... indiscretion. In time, you will come to understand that you cannot simply barge into a meeting of your superiors and start accusing them of imagined crimes. And as for the ring you now bear, keep in mind, it does not hold as much power as you think it does..."

So be it.

"I understand, Lord Roth, that you do not respect _this_ ring... So how about I bring out another?"

Their looks of confusion returned in an instant.

If the Royal Ring had had no effect, what would?

Reaching inside his ragged robes, he sought out the pouch closest to his heart. Inside, untouched for more than five years, was the ring.

He had carried it with him, always, hoping that he would never have to use it.

And now he would... in order to save an entire kingdom.

How fitting...

*

Drawing forth the tiny circlet, he gently laid it upon the wooden table, clear for all to see.

No one said anything, for a long time.

Their expressions, however, spoke volumes.

Shock. Horror. Confusion.

Even more so than when Claudia had named him king.

"Is that..." Lord Roth began, before his words failed him.

"It is as you fear, Lord Roth," You Bugger replied, "It is the Black Ring of the House of Rion."

"How... how did a beggar come by this..." Lord Gelding whispered.

"By saving the life of the Lord-Inherent, Sebastian de Rion, when he tried to take a drunken swim in the Black River. In his gratitude, he gave me two things... his Black Ring, and a promise of repayment. I have to but ask, and he will provide. An army, a throne, an assassination... there are no limits to his power, as I'm sure you are aware..."

Lord Roth, trembling with every movement, asked, "Please... don't call for him... We will do whatever you want... Just do not bring down the wrath of the Rion family upon us..."

You Bugger smiled, relieved that things were finally going his way.

It had been worth it, saving Sebastian's life, all those years ago...

"Of course, I would not like to involve the Rion family in this matter. In fact, there is only one thing I want from you, and luckily, you already have the power to make it reality."

"What power is that?" asked Lady Gettwel, tears streaming down her face.

"Abdication."

*

You Bugger left the mansion, smiling to himself. The sight of the Council, scrambling over one another to get out of his sight had been... marvellous. By morning, they would be on their way out of Brent, never to return, lest they force him to make good on his threat.

And just like that, every man and woman who wished harm upon Claudia had been removed, and he was finally able to rest easy.

In the morning, he would plot his own escape, but for now, he was happy to revel in his victory.

"That went well," Fade said, stepping out from the shadows.

"I would like to think so," You Bugger said, falling into an easy stride alongside his friend.

"Of course, if it hadn't, I would have made myself known..."

"I know, and I thank you for your presence... and your patience."

Fade nodded, a shadow with a heart of light.

"So what now? Will you run back to Garn, and return to begging?"

"In the morning. For now, there is something I want to see..."

Together, they walked on, towards the opposite hill.

*

They arrived at the Royal Palace a short while later. Only a few guards were present, and none of them dared to stop the king himself.

Fade, naturally, slipped past them unseen.

Together, they walked to the throne room, where only hours earlier Claudia had altered the course of his life.

The crown, a heavyset circle of white-gold, lay upon the cushioned throne. Upon its worn surface, etched by artisans centuries ago, was the Brent Royal Emblem.

A white sun rising upon the Black Mountain.

Picking it up, he felt its weight. It was heavy, and not just because of all the gold in its construction.

It carried with it the weight of responsibility.

A weight he had thought he would never have to bear again...

"It truly has been a strange couple of days," Fade said, standing beside him, "A mad assassin coming after you, a princess standing beside you, and a throne waiting before you..."

You Bugger nodded.

He wondered, for a moment, if the world was ready for this.

There were plenty of princesses, assassins and thrones in Alm.

But now, there was something new.

Something... unique.

He would be the first, after all. He would be...

The Beggar King

TO BE CONTINUED...

# About the Author

Hayden Pearton is an independent author, physiotherapist and all-round good guy. He is handsome beyond compare, and if you can believe that, you can believe anything. He started writing when he was eighteen and hasn't stopped since. The Beggar Knight is his sixth work, and the first of a fantastic trilogy.

His other works are:

The Chronicles of New Eden 1: Awakening

The Chronicles of New Eden 2: Sunrise Sapling

Koinophobia: A Collection of Technical Poetry

Autophobia: A Collection of Novelized Poetry

Be Good

For more information, please visit my website at www.haydenpearton.com or check out my blog at www.newedenchronicles.wordpress.com

Follow me on Twitter at www.twitter.com/hayden_pearton

Favourite me at Smashwords at <http://www.smashwords.com/profile/view/HaydenPearton>

If you liked this book please leave a review at your favourite retailer.

Thanks for reading!
