♫ EPIC NEW FUS RO DAH INTRO MUSIC ♫
BRELYNA: It's a *fine* day with you around!
AARON: Well, thaaank you!
She wants it.
She always wants it.
EMRE: She does--BUT, she's dumb as a doorknob.
AARON: Yeaaah...
You know, you're great Brelyna but, uhmm--
BRELYNA: I think my parents reserved a spot for me here at the college on the day I was born!
AARON: I'm sure they did, and you can stay here because I'm *leaving*.
UHHHmm...
You and I, uh, you know--
[BRELYNA blithering on off-screen]
AARON: It's--What the *fuck*??
I was trying to break up with her and she just like, took off!
Uh! Brelyna! Listen to me for a second.
Heh, heh. I-Interested in me, are you?
BRELYNA [bashfully]: W-Well, yes! Why wouldn't I be?
Are you...
...Interested in me?
AARON: Uh, no.
BRELYNA: Oh...
...I'm sorry I said anything, then...
AARON: Yeah. A-Actually, uh, we're breaking up?
[BRELYNA cannot fathom rejection]
Uh, Brelyna? Come here.
Brelyyynna???
UHHH. It's not you, it's *me*.
UHHH. I'm moving on. I'm going somewhere else now. I don't wanna be the Archmage at this college anymore...
Umm, you're really...disgusting and ugly...
Sex with you is like having sex with...a dead animal.
AAAaannd...
Uh, I dunno?
I'm trying to be polite here.
UMMM.
So, w-we're done! We're *finished*, Brelyna.
I need to find someone *different*.
Someone...
...Not you.
BRELYNA: I better get going...
AARON: Okay.
It was nice...fucking you?
These college breakups are so weird and hard.
EMRE: Mhm.
AARON: Ya know?
I-I just, I dunno what to say.
EMRE: I *think* you handled that one well.
AARON: I-I guess so? It was my first *real* breakup, so...
I dunno. I hope she will be alright...
You know, Emre?
I graduated from college.
I became the Archmage, that was my graduation.
EMRE: Yeah.
Ya know, I mean, there's nothing left to do, really.
I'm just...like, I cleaned up the place.
I broke up with my girlfriend. It's time for me to move on.
EMRE: There is *one* thing you still have to do.
AARON: What's that?
EMRE: Graduation party.
AARON: Yeah.
I need a party.
And, I think...
That I know where the party is.
EMRE: OOOoooo! Party in the big citeh!
AARON: YEAAAAH!
To get to this party, I have to go through, uhh...s-some, some bullshit. But, it's gonna be a good party.
EMRE: Oh, like RVSPing? And, you know, buying the booze?
AARON: Yeah. You know, I gotta talk to the right *people* aaaand, you know...I gotta make sure I can get in.
*GOOD* party. I don't want just...I don't want just like, *ANY* party. I want like a reaaally, upper-crust cool party.
So, let's see...I think I gotta talk to this guy.
MALBORN: Need something?
AARON: Yes. I gotta talk to you, Mallborn.
Our mutual friend, uhhh...
J-Jimmy Lumpkin? Sent me?
MALBORN: *REALLY*??
AARON: Yup!
MALBORN: *YOU'RE* who she picked?!
AARON: Oh, I mean, uh--
J-Jenny Lumpkin.
What kinda thing should I bring?
MALBORN: You're asking ME??
AARON: To the party?
*YEAH*! You look like a partier.
MALBORN: I'd bring whatever you need to move *quietly* and *kill* quickly.
EMRE: HUH...
AARON: What kinda party is this?!
EMRE: Oh, I've been to one of *these* parties!
See when he says KILL, he means...like, *kill* like, uh...
SOCIALLY.
AARON: OOOh, so I gotta be 'dressed to kill'.
EMRE: Yeah! Absolutely!
AARON: Yeaaah, okay. I get it.
MALBORN: You ready yet?
AARON: Uh, no! I just have to go get a nice outfit for the party! I'll be right back.
I need something reaaaally sexy for a party. Whaddya got?
ENDARIE: Breeches. Gowns. Clothes for *any* occasion, really.
EMRE: Gross.
AARON: Where's the PARTY outfit??
How 'bout like, a toga?
EMRE: That'd be cool.
AARON: These boots are kinda nice.
OOOoohh!
College robes?
Fuck no.
EMRE: He's the Archmage.
AARON: I'm so done with college. I'm the Archmage.
Check me out.
EMRE: Mmmm!
Yeaaah!
AARON: This is good party-wear.
What I've got here? I'm good. I'm ready to go.
MALBORN: You ready yet?!
I need to get back before I'm missed!
AARON: Okay! I'm ready!
EMRE: Oh, you gotta give him whatever you want him to smuggle in for ya.
AARON: I wanna have a *fun* time at this party.
How 'bout this? Can you take this?
EMRE: Uhh, yeah?
AARON: Maybe you should take these in for me.
EMRE: Okay.
Just in case.
AARON: OOOOH, what *else* do I need?
EMRE: Do you have, like, a beer bong?
That'd be fun.
AARON: I got a basket?
I-I'm gonna make sure he takes this basket.
EMRE [uncertain laughter]: OOOhhhkayy?
AARON: Make sure that BASKET gets to the party!
I'm gonna need that!
Uhhh, it was nice meeting you, Malborn.
Yeah...
Hm.
Wow.
Quite the personality, that guy.
DELPHINE: Have you given Malborn the gear you want to smuggle into the embassy?
AARON: Yeah, yeah. I took care of it.
Ohhh, yeah!
This is it, baby!
EMRE: WOO! You're moving up in the world!
AARON: I'm gonna celebrate my graduation from college in *STYLE*!
DELPHINE: Put this on.
AARON: PARTY BOOTS?!
PARTY CLOTHES?!
EMRE: AAAWHH!
AARON: I didn't need to buy any of that shit!
Why'd you waste my time, asshole?
EMRE: I didn't *know* she was going to give you clothes!!
AARON: Goddammit...
Okay, chicken. Check this shit out.
Look at me.
Yeah! I'm ready for a party!
You like that?
OH! SHIT! He loves it!
Well, I'm glad I have *your* approval.
I'm ready, Delphine! Keep the rest of my things safe for me, 'kay?
EMRE: Party time, EXCELLENT!
AARON: Crotch Guzzler's WOOrrrld, paaarteh tiiiime--EXCELLEEEENT!
EMRE [like that of a boozed out rockstar]: PARTEH ON, CROOOOTCH.
AARON: PARTY ON...
BITCH.
This is where the party is!
I can't wait! This is going to be so fun!
...Is he wearing the same shirt as me? Oh, thank God!
OHMYGOD!
EMRE: Actually, if you *had* shown up with your other outfit--
AARON, A TEENAGE GIRL: OHmyGAHD. I'm so glad I didn't wear that other shirt! It would have been the same as Razelan!
This is gonna be a fun party!
EMRE: Hope there's some hot chicks here!
AARON: Yeah!
Oh, shit!
ELENWEN: Welcome!
AARON: Haaai!
ELENWEN: I don't *believe* we've met.
AARON: Noo, we haven't.
ELENWEN: I am Elenwen.
AARON: My name is Crotch Guzzler. *PLEAAASED* to meet you!
ELENWEN: Aaah, yes...
I remember your name from the guest list...
AARON: I'm surprised.
EMRE: Which part stuck out the most? CROTCH or GUZZLER?
AARON: Hey, Malborn! Do ya have my stuff?
MALBORN: Let's hope we both *live* through this day.
AARON [oblivious]: Yeah, me too. This is gonna be a good party, right buddy?
EEHEHEHEHE.
AARON: Uh. Wow.
There's like, two people at this party.
EMRE: Well, ya know...The night is still young.
Maybe everyone else is just...
Fashionably late?
AARON: Who is the *most* eligible ladeh at this partyeh?
Hey, babeh.
Are you...
a lady?
It looks like it...
EMRE: MMyeah, Those are boobs.
DEFINITELY A LADY THALMOR SOLDIER: We're not *supposed* to talk to the guests.
AARON [disappointed]: Awh...well, you're no fun.
EMRE: Well, heeey! Let's talk to that blonde chick right there.
AARON [stricken with horror]: OOOhhMAHGOD.
EMRE: Wha--OOOoohhhahahaha!
AARON: UHHH!
Wow! Okay. So far, ladies at this party? *NOT* super exciting...
Illdi!
EMRE: Ooooo!
AARON: HEEEELLO!
ILLDI: These parties are a great way to earn a little extra money!
AARON:...You're not a guest, are you?
[still trying] I'm the Archmage.
ILLDI: I hope you are enjoying the music, Sir!
AARON: No. No, you stopped playing.
[EXASPERATED SIGH]
EMRE: Hey, there's a fine piece of ass. Sitting down eatin' some bread.
AARON: UHHH, okay? What did you just say, Emre??
EMRE: OhGAWHD!
AARON: Yeah.
EMRE: NEVERMIND!
AARON: *This* is what you said was a *FINE PIECE OFF ASS*.
EMRE [excuses, excuses]: She looks better from far away!
JARL IDGRAD RAVENCRONE: THUR ARE WORDS SPOKEN 'N WORDS UNSPOKEN!
EMRE: I wish I had 'unspoken' those words!!
AARON: It's too late!
Is there any women, like hidden away?
Behind the walls or something?
ERIKUR: The great war of long past! It's time--
EMRE [groaning]: OOOh, GOD. This guy just wants to talk about POLITICS.
AARON: What are you looking at?
Stop staring at me!
EMRE: OOoo...He's checking you out.
AARON: Well, you know what? He's a lot hotter than any of the women at this party.
This is the *WORST* party I've ever been to!
Whose idea was it to come to this pile of shit?
ELENWEN: Do enjoy yourself!
AARON: I WON'T!
You didn't invite *anyone* that's fun to party with!
This is the shittiest party I've EVER been to!
Where's the beer? Come on. Gimme some booze.
Oh, my God. Wh...
Apple pie?
What kinda fucking party is this?!
Gimme some of this!
BRELAS: I hope you are enjoying yourself.
AARON: HEY! What happened to the--I'D LIKE A DRINK!
BRELAS: Here ya go,  Sir! Colovian brandy!
AARON: Colombian brandy?
EMRE: Wow. I didn't know they had that.
AARON: I'd like another drink.
BRELAS: I'm sorry, but I think you've had enough for the night.
AARON: No, NO, I haven't!
No. More!
OHGAWHD.
EMRE: What kinda party does *anybody* say, 'I'm sorry but I think you've had enough'?
AARON: Yeah! After ONE drink!
EMRE: YEAH!
AARON: Like, yup! One drink at *this* party and you're done!
AARON [suddenly very drunk]: FUCK DIS PARTY!
WHO WANTS DIS FUCKIN' SWEET ROLL?!
FUCK YEW GUYS!!
I'M WASTED! I HAD THAT ONE DRINK! IT WAS TOO MUCH FOR ME!
I DUNNO WHATS HAPPENING ANY MORE!
UUGGH!
OHGAHD!
IMSOWASTEDDD!
Awwwhgawhd! This party's so dull!
[PAINFUL GROANING WHILE EMRE CHUCKLES]
AARON: OHYEAAAH, I'MMA DANCE ON THIS TABLE!
WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOoooo!!
YEAAAH, RAVENCRONE! COME 'N DANCE WITH MEH! COME ON, BABEH!
Come on.
HERE.
HAVE SUM FUCKIN' BREAD. HAVE SUM MOAR BREAD!
Have some more bread, you piece of shit!
You like bread?!
Eat it!
Eat it!
Eat this bread!
Eat it!
SUCK IT!
OH! She takes out her OWN bread!
She don't like MY bread--She's gotta eat her OWN bread!
Screw you!
I HATE ALL OF YOU!
Let's get outta here! Wanna ditch this place?
RAZELAN: What's a fellow need to do to get a drink around here??
AARON: Yeah, that's a good question! They only gave me ONE.
Here, you can have mine.
RAZELAN: AAAAHH! The ONE generous soul amongst a gathering of pinch-pennies and LICKspittles!!!
AARON: YEAAAAH. There is a LOT of lickspittles here.
[EMRE FINALLY BREAKS]
AARON: I noticed that immediately.
Ya know, actually, there *is* something you could do for me...
UHH, I need you to cause a scene...maybe burn some things?
Uhhhh, you know, light this guard on fire?
UMMM. You know.
Stab some people?
RAZELAN: IZ THAT AAAALL??
AARON: Yup!
RAZELAN: Mah friend! You've come to the right person!
AARON: Yeah! Do it, buddy! Come on!
Get some excitement going at this party!
Alright! Well! I'm blowing this party! This is a fuckin' joke! I'm outta here.
MALBORN [whispering]: Alright, let's go! Let's go!
AARON: Alright. Let's go, Malborn.
I guess me and Malborn are gonna get it on.
Oh, thank god! My basket!
EMRE: AAALRIGHT! Now it's time for a REAL party!
AARON: Yeah, now let's start the party...
RIGHT.
Hey, what's happenin'?
Oh, excuse me.
Whoops.
OHHH, yeah! Now this party's more fun!
Now there's some people on fire.
I'll just summon my own fun.
Crotch Guzzler's Flame Atronach.
Yeaaah! Dance for me! DANCE!
WISE MAN EMRE: You know what they say...
If there isn't a hot chick at a party, make one yourself.
AARON: It's what they said in Weird Science.
[AARON and EMRE giggle over their own references]
EMRE: CHECK THIS OUT!
AARON: YEAAAH!
EMRE: That does a *lot* a damage.
AARON: I *stormed* his *ice*.
YEAH!
Now we're talkin'!
EMRE: Ain't a real party until ya get in a fight.
AARON: Oookaay, where do I have to gooo?
Down in some sort of basement?
EMRE: OH! This must be where the *REAL* party is!
AARON: YEAH!
I see. That was just a front.
EMRE: Everybody was OLD. You know what it was?? That was the party for the real guests' PARENTS.
AARON: AAAAH, right!
So, down here's where there's going to be all kinds of...wwwrithing maidens and...CLUB MUSIC...and...
EMRE: Torture devices.
AARON: Torture devices?
EMRE: Blood?
AARON [aggravted]: Ohh! This is not where the party is!
Heeey, uh, what's happenin'?
ETIENNE RARNIS: I told you...I don't know anything else about it!
AARON: WHERE IS THE PARTY?!
Tell me where the fucking party is, Etienne RAWRnis!
ETIENNE: W-What??
AARON: PARTY.
ETIENNE: WUT.
AARON: Alright, *fine*.
Tell ya what. I'm gonna let you go but then you got to tell me where a cool party is!
[SHRIEKS OF PAIN]
Hey! Stop it!
EMRE: I-Is that dude ok??
AARON: He's fiiiine. See?
Let's go to that party!
You said you'd tell me...
EMRE: He looks a *little* upset.
AARON: Eh, RAWRnis?
Heeey, RAWRnis? What are you doing?
Where are you going?
You said, you'd tell me!
Aw, Jesus. He thinks I attacked him.
EMRE: Wait! I-Is that your friend?
AARON: OH, SHIT! MALBORN!
EMRE: AAhahahaooohh!
AARON: OH, NO! They killed you!
EMRE: Naww, he's just passed out!
AARON: Oh, yeah. You're right! He got really drunk, I bet.
EMRE: Yeah, he must have had that *second* drink.
AARON: NO, no--There's no way. He must have *stole* it then...cuz that was the only way to get it.
Alright, Malborn. Come on.
We gotta--
This is disgraceful, just leaving you at the top of the stairs like that. Here.
EMRE: Oh!
AARON: Theeere we go! That's more like it!
UHHH. Emre? I think we just found the party.
EMRE: Is this a rave?
AARON: This guy is reaaally good at breakdancing.
Check this shit out.
EMRE: WOW! I can't even tell what he's doing--he's that quick!
I wonder if we can find some Fus-Ro-Dubstep.
AARON [laughing]: F-Fus...Fus Ro Dubstep?
[CUE THE EPIC FUS RO DUBSTEP GRANTED TO THE BOYS BY THE GODS]
[GTA Random Citizen: Yeeeeaaah! BOI, BOI! HaHa! DOPE!]
