

Loving The Fire Chief

### Smashwords Edition

### Copyright 2013 Michelle Grotewohl

### Smashwords Edition, License Notes

This ebook is licensed for your personal enjoyment only. This ebook may not be re-sold or given away to other people. If you would like to share this book with another person, please purchase an additional copy for each recipient. If you're reading this book and did not purchase it, or it was not purchased for your use only, then please return to Smashwords.com and purchase your own copy. Thank you for respecting the hard work of this author.

* * * * *

June, 2001-

" **Make** love to me, Jackson," 18-year-old Carly Dixon demanded huskily, gazing up at her best friend- and more recently, boyfriend- from the bed of his F-150 truck.

J.D. Brewer's dark brown eyes flicked back and forth between hers, searching them. How had she known that her use of his first name, not his nickname, would drive him insane with lust for her? Hell, he hadn't even known. "Are you sure, Carly?"

Not that he didn't want to. He'd been ready for months, but she hadn't, so they'd waited. Apparently graduating from high school had flipped her 'I-can-have-sex-now' switch. Thank God! Too bad, though, that she'd waited so long.

He left in a week for the Marine Corps Recruit Depot San Diego. And after that, he was going for his firefighter certification before starting his four-year stint with the United States Marine Corps.

He'd barely have time to familiarize himself with her body before he had to go. But at least he wouldn't be leaving a virgin.

Coming back to her, J.D. stared down at her, the stars in the clear summer sky reflecting back at him in her blue eyes. Mentally, he begged her to be sure, to be ready, to not change her mind. He saw a smile bloom beautifully on her face, watched her cheeks flare coyly when she looked away for a moment. He held his breath, certain she was going to shake her head no, that she wasn't really as ready as she'd thought.

But she looked back at him, and nodded. "I'm sure, J.D. I want it to be you. I can't imagine my first time with anyone else."

He'd never heard sweeter words in his life. Thank God he'd decided to bring a couple of condoms tonight, just in case, knowing they'd be alone for most of it. He'd actually taken to carrying them with him months ago- wishful thinking that hadn't panned out. She'd given him no indication in the last few days that she was ready, and he'd nearly left them home when leaving earlier this morning for graduation.

But here she was, lying beneath him in the bed of his truck in the middle of Stagecoach State Park, after they'd just had a satisfying- and frustrating- make-out session, telling him she wanted to have sex with him. He still couldn't believe his luck.

Dropping his head, he put his forehead to hers, a gesture he knew she found incredibly sweet. "I promise, Carly, I'll do my best to please you."

She smiled. "You already do, J.D."

Unsure what to say to that, he decided not to say anything, and instead began undressing her. When they were both naked, he laid his lips on hers, then moved slowly down, kissing her chin, her neck, her breasts. This, at least, he knew how to do. Though they'd never gone all the way, they had messed around quite a bit, satisfied each other manually as well as orally.

While his lips and tongue worked over her nipples, he brought one hand to her slim thigh, gently parting her legs to touch her center. His eyes lifted to hers in surprise, and Carly blushed again. Curious, J.D. looked down. While he'd been near that particular area many times, he'd never seen it so... pretty. She'd trimmed her garden, he thought with boyish humor, and while he'd never disliked her natural blonde curls, he found he appreciated this neater look.

Looking back up at her, his brown eyes shining with pleased humor, he said, "You planned this, didn't you?"

She looked away innocently, as if offended he'd accuse her of such a thing as seduction. "I have no idea what you're talking about."

He grinned and lightly brushed a finger through her moist folds, making her gasp as her eyes closed. "Well, I was just down there a couple days ago, and I don't remember it looking like that."

Carly's eyes opened, sparkling with starlight. "Maybe I planned it a little. More like a 'just in case'."

Surprised at their similar thinking, J.D. laughed and reached into his pants pocket, showing her the condoms he'd brought. "Interesting how we both had the same 'just in case' supposition, don't you think?"

She inhaled quietly, happily, then said softly, "It must be fate."

J.D. smiled again, nodding. "I think you're right. And who are we, mere mortals, to mess with fate?" His fingers stroked softly over her inner thigh, and he felt her muscles quiver.

She opened her legs wider, an invitation. "Indeed."

He couldn't resist the offer, and quickly donned protection before positioning himself between her thighs. He lowered his head to kiss her gently, drawing it out as he inched closer, afraid to just go for it. When the very tip of him brushed against her, she stiffened and inhaled sharply.

He saw panic in her eyes, and a second later she said shakily, "J.D., I'm kinda scared."

J.D. felt his whole body shake with the force of his disappointment, but he knew if she told him to get off her, he would, no matter what it cost him. His heart, his pride, his sanity. All very likely. Without realizing it, he shook his head in denial.

Her lifted brows told him he'd done something she hadn't expected, and he realized he'd essentially told her no, that she couldn't stop now. Trying a smile to lighten his words, he said quietly, "Carly, think of all the reasons you had just a few minutes ago to do this. Fate, remember?"

She smiled, already feeling better. Joking, she said, "You'd say anything right now to get me to agree."

He couldn't fight the chuckle. "That's likely true. But I know you want this as much as I do." To prove it, he put a hand between them and touched her silky heat, found her wet and ready. Even still, he moved his fingers over her, working her toward orgasm the way he'd learned months ago. "You're ready for me, Carly. More wet than I've ever felt you before."

She reached for him, putting her hands on either side of his face to bring his mouth down to hers. The angle forced his body closer to hers, and he felt himself slide a little inside her, aided by her natural moisture. Both of them gasped in surprise.

J.D. fought everything in him that told him to slide all the way in and claim her for his own. "Carly, if you don't want to do this, tell me now or I'm gonna lose it."

Instead of pushing him away, she lifted her legs and settled them around his hips, and he slid further in, until he felt her virginal barrier. Though he hated himself for it, he gave her a final out, saying, "Last chance."

Carly looked up at him, saw the sweat on his brow from his restraint, felt his well-developed muscles shaking under her hands with the force of holding himself back, saw the hopeful torture in his dark chocolate eyes. He really thought she was going to back out now?

Pulling him down by his shoulders, she kissed him again, thrusting her tongue into his mouth as she hooked her ankles behind his thighs and pulled him against her. She whimpered once at the sharp twinge of pain as her maidenhead gave, making her a woman. His woman.

J.D. lifted his dark head at her cry, nearly cross-eyed with carnal pleasure. "Are you alright?"

She nodded and pulled him back down, needing the closeness, needing him to hold her, at least for a minute. J.D. tried staying perfectly still, unwilling to hurt her again. Resting his forearms on either side of her head, he remained locked tightly inside her while their mouths mated.

Rolling her mouth to the side, Carly ran a line of kisses along his jaw, then whispered in his ear, "Make love to me."

A tremor went through him at her words, and then he began moving, pulling out of her before pushing slowly back in. She gasped in a shaky breath, amazed that already she felt incredible, despite the discomfort of a moment ago. J.D. paused, glancing down at her through partially closed eyes. He felt so good, but he'd stop if he thought she was hurting.

Her face, however, was easily readable, and he saw no pain, just passion. Her eyes were closed, her luscious pink lips separated in silent pleasure, head tipped back. When she noticed that he'd stopped moving, she opened her eyes, glazed though they were, and whispered, "Don't stop, Jackson. Please don't stop."

He needed no further encouragement. Now that he knew she was enjoying it, he could continue without worrying so much. Though he was still careful- he was so much bigger than her- he moved more surely now, piercing her soft body over and over. The tempo built quickly, going from slow pumps to fast thrusts, carrying the pleasure with it until Carly thought she'd burst.

"Oh, Jackson!" she cried, her insides tightening in anticipation of something she'd never felt before. At least, not like this.

J.D. slammed into her; he couldn't seem to stop himself. He knew that just ahead was something incredible, and he wanted it enough that he'd lost his mind with desire. Not that Carly seemed to mind. She was moaning and calling his name to the stars, making him feel like Casanova, like the greatest lover in the world.

Now, he thought as he grew ever closer to orgasm, if he could just hold out until she came so he didn't embarrass himself. He wasn't sure. She sounded close, from what he knew, but this was an entirely different climax, so who knew?

And then suddenly, her slender body went taut beneath his, and she said his name so loudly it was practically a scream, followed by several loud shrieks of pleasure. He had about a second to enjoy the way her noises made him feel before her body tightening around him pushed him over the edge with her.

"Carly," he growled, pounding into her to draw out the orgasm that crashed through him, emptying him powerfully.

When the waves subsided, J.D.'s breath heaved in and out of his lungs as he stared down at her in wonder. She stared right back, fascinated. Lowering himself on shaking arms, he kissed her softly, then rested his head on her breasts and wrapped his arms completely around her. She let out a blissful sigh and brushed his dark hair back from his moist face.

"I'm sorry," she said after a minute.

J.D. couldn't think of anything she had to apologize for. She'd just given him the greatest gift he could imagine. "Why?"

He heard her smile though he couldn't see it. "For not agreeing to that sooner."

J.D. chuckled, but was too content to even raise his head and look at her. Though he wanted to tell her he was, too, he didn't want to risk upsetting her and spoiling the moment. So he shrugged his shoulder instead. "You had your reasons. It doesn't matter anyway. What matters is we did it now, as long as you're happy about it."

She didn't answer right away, so J.D. turned his head, resting his chin on her sternum. His heart cracked when he saw tears in her eyes, two already loose and rolling down the sides of her face into her blonde hair. Lifting himself, he crawled up next to her and pulled her into his arms.

"Carly, I'm sorry if I hurt you somehow. I promise I'll never do it again. I would never-"

"Shh, J.D. I'm alright. Just feeling extremely emotional, that's all. I promise."

He squeezed her tight. "You're sure?"

She lifted her face to his and kissed him, felt her body respond instantly to that smallest of skin-to-skin contact. When his hands gripped her, she knew he was feeling the same thing. She also knew he wouldn't touch her if he thought he'd hurt her the first time, so it was on her to initiate anything further.

Shoving him gently onto his back, she rose over him and straddled him, felt him ready for another round beneath her but didn't take him inside just yet. Answering his question, she said, "I'm positive, J.D. I couldn't feel better." Then she lifted her hips and settled herself over him. Her breath caught, as his did, and when she could breathe again, she looked down at him and said, "Well, maybe I feel a _little_ better now."

Despite the intensity of the feelings running through him, he laughed, then grabbed her breasts as she began to ride him.

**Several** hours later, they sat on the tailgate of his truck, dressed in last night's clothes, wrapped in a blanket he'd had in the cab of his truck for emergencies, watching the sun come up. As the first rays kissed their faces, J.D. touched his lips to hers. Though he felt the same pull to claim her that he'd felt hours ago, it wasn't so urgent now. He'd made love to her so many times during the night that he felt like a hero, and was now content to sit with her and let the need course through him unanswered.

He was pretty sure he loved her, though he'd never felt that particular emotion before. He debated telling her, just so she knew, but didn't want her thinking it was because of last night, or that she had to say it back if she didn't feel it. So he kept quiet, just held her tight in his arms while the sun continued climbing, effectively bringing their night to an end.

When it was halfway up, Carly turned to him. "One more time, J.D. Love me one more time, in the light, so I know it wasn't a dream."

Helpless to deny her anything, he gently laid her down.

**They** spent the next week, right up until four hours before he had to be at the airport, together, making love, talking as if they hadn't known each other most of their lives, making promises not likely to be kept.

J.D. still didn't tell her he loved her, but she didn't seem to need the reassurance. He hoped he was telling her well enough with his body, though he knew that sex wasn't love.

She drove him to Denver International Airport the morning he had to leave, and most of the trip was quiet. Neither was ready for this- Whatever it was- to be over, but he had to go. He'd made a commitment, and what kind of man would he be if he didn't follow through with it? Her words, when he'd suggested he could wait until next year to join the Marines.

"Besides," she'd said that day, climbing on top of him in his bed, "Whether you go now or next year, you're still going to go. Better to go now while we're both prepared for it."

So here they were, mere hours from months- _years-_ of separation, and hardly speaking. They both tried to draw the other into conversation, but responses were short, and topics few. Before either of them was ready, they pulled up at the airport, and she climbed out to kiss him goodbye.

He pulled his duffel out of the back of the truck and turned to her. "You're welcome to use my truck for as long as you want. I told my parents the same thing. They agreed it was fine."

She smiled. "I have a car."

He shrugged. "I know, but mine's newer. A little."

A lot, she thought. She stepped close. "Thanks."

He lowered his head and kissed her. It was the kind of kiss that said goodbye, and it broke her heart. She breathed away the tears as he hugged her so he wouldn't know how upset she was, especially since it was her saying he had to go.

"Be good. Be safe," she said when he pulled away enough to look her in the eye. "How long till I see you again?"

Because she looked worried, J.D. lowered his head and kissed her softly. "It won't be forever, Carly. Twelve weeks of recruit training, then firefighter certification, four years of enlistment. We'll call, email, write. With you going to college in the fall, you'll barely know I'm gone."

She really doubted it, but nodded anyway. She had to be strong, to send him off thinking she'd be alright without him. "Call me when you get there, after you call your mother. Promise?"

"Promise." Another kiss, deeper, more feeling. Once more, he debated those three words, but decided she'd be better off not knowing. He knew she was close to tears, though she was fighting them like a champ.

"I'll miss you," she said against his mouth, holding his head to hers with her hand in his hair.

He dropped his forehead to hers, saw the flash of affectionate pain in her blue eyes. "I'll miss you, too." He needed to go, he thought, before he climbed back in the truck and went home with her. One more kiss, quick and final. "Bye."

Carly watched him go, though he didn't turn around to look at her as he walked through the doors into the airport. There he goes, she thought, the man she loved, on his way to becoming a stronger, better man for having joined the Marines. She hadn't told him, had wanted to make his leaving easier.

She blinked rapidly to hold back the tears, just in case he was inside watching her, and climbed into the truck. She hadn't even left the airport grounds when she had to pull over and let it out.

For nearly twenty minutes she sobbed her heart out, let loose a few deep, gut-wrenching screams just to let off some pressure. Regretted not telling him how she felt. What if he was in battle one day, and her love was the only thing that kept him alive? Then she laughed at herself, at her fanciful thoughts.

They weren't even at war right now. He'd train, get his certificate, do his job, then come back to her, just like they'd discussed. Laughing and putting it logically helped her to feel better, and she was able to put the car in gear and head home.

**A week** before he was due to graduate from MCRD San Diego, the Twin Towers in New York were hit. The day would become one of the worst tragedies in American history, but for J.D. it signaled more than that. For J.D. it was the beginning of his career. He'd always known he wanted to serve his country, and now his country needed him, and he was going to fight for her.

He completed the Crucible with flying colors, determination to serve his country to the best of his ability getting him through fifty-four uninterrupted hours of teamwork and skills tests. From there he went to Goodfellow Air Force Base to attend the Aircraft Rescue and Firefighting course, acing that.

Approximately eight months after starting his recruit training, J.D. was a Marine Corps Firefighter. It had been hard work, both physically and mentally, but it was worth every minute. Almost immediately, he was sent to Iraq.

All through training- both recruit and firefighter- he'd kept up a steady line of communication with Carly, unable to stop thinking about her, unless he was working and therefore completely unable to think of anything else. When the Towers had come down, she'd been devastated as most of the country was, but also terrified that he'd be sent away.

Knowing this was likely, J.D. hadn't sugarcoated it to try and make her feel better. It was better for her, for them, that she know he wanted to go, even though his feelings for her hadn't changed.

Now here he was, an ocean away, reading a letter from her that had come much later than he'd anticipated. He felt a twinge in his stomach that he was already losing her, but her letter implied nothing was out of the ordinary. She was going to school, enjoying her classes, and had decided on being a Registered Nurse so she could do home health care. He was glad for her.

Her next letter was even longer in coming, but J.D. was so busy he barely had time to read the letter and respond, let alone worry about the time it had taken to arrive. She was debating the wisdom of a two-year versus four-year program. He wrote her that more schooling was probably better, but if she was ready to jump in, as he suspected she was, the two-year would suffice.

Letters fewer and farther between. She'd decided on the two-year, graduated top of her class, and had almost immediately found a position taking care of an older man who'd been widowed five years previously and could no longer care for himself due to terminal cancer. J.D. was proud of her, honestly, but his joy for her was dampened by the knowledge that what they had wasn't strong enough to hold them together.

**Carly** had been working for that same man, Mr. Archibald Kennedy, for more than two years, when she received a letter from J.D. It hadn't taken him so long to write back this time, she thought, and assumed it was because he was excited about completing his four years and coming home. With a bright smile, she opened the envelope and pulled out the single sheet of paper.

Her smile darkened as she read, fell completely, then turned to tears. They fell large and wet to the paper as she read that he wasn't coming home, was extending his tour so he could remain with his fellow Marines in Iraq. Presumably, until the war was over. Who knew how long that would be?, she thought.

But this was his dream, and he'd made no real promises to her. Never told her he loved her, or would one day marry her, as she'd always imagined. He was a Marine, and he was where he needed to be. She comforted herself with that even while her heart shattered in her chest.

**The** last letter from Carly came weeks after he'd sent her the one informing her he wouldn't be home when he'd planned. She was glad he was enjoying his work, understood completely his need to stay, and she harbored no ill feelings toward him. But even as he read her words and felt relief that she did in fact understand him enough to know he needed to do this, the spots on the paper where tear drops had obviously landed caused him considerable guilt.

He'd promised her nothing, he reminded himself. Not really. Though he'd always thought they'd end up together, possibly married, with kids, he'd never said as much to her. And she'd never given him love words, either. Likely, she was merely sad that her best friend and first lover would be gone longer than she'd thought.

He wrote her back, apologizing for her pain even as he said he wasn't sorry for the choice he'd made. The words sounded defensive, though, and he crumpled it up, and tried another. But every time it came out as if he were the guilty party and needed to explain his actions. So in the end, he sent nothing.

He wasn't surprised when nearly a year passed before he heard of her again. And it wasn't from her, but his mother, who wrote him religiously every week whether he wrote her back or not. Admittedly, he'd asked her about Carly in his last letter, certain his mother saw her regularly, as Oak Creek, Colorado wasn't a large town.

But his mother's response to how Carly was doing nearly killed him. If he hadn't been so physically fit, he likely would have had a heart attack. Married?, he asked himself. She'd married the man she was caring for. Wasn't that a conflict of interest or something? Clearly, he hadn't been as old or as sick as Carly had led him to believe.

Taking a calming breath, J.D. tossed the letter into a nearby fire. He wanted no memories of what that page had said. Not that he cared that she was married. It had been years since he'd seen Carly. Had he really expected her to wait for him, especially after he'd extended his combat tour unnecessarily? If he was honest with himself, he had to admit that, yes, he had. But, if he was being honest with himself, then he also had to admit that with no promises on his part, she really had no reason to do so.

So he sent Carly a wish through the stars over his head that she be happy in her marriage, and find all the things with her husband that he, J.D., hadn't been able to give her. He honestly wanted her to be happy, even if he was miserable.

**I'm** all alone, Carly thought. Archie, her sweet, affectionate husband, had finally succumbed to his battle with cancer. Granted, she'd gotten nearly eight years with him, five of them as his wife, when the doctors had initially told them he had six months. Archie had always told her it was her gentle care that kept him alive when he should be dead.

Only a year ago, both her parents had died in a horrible car accident driving through the Rocky mountains near their home here in Oak Creek during a snow storm. She'd been visited by people she'd forgotten she used to know during that terrible time, but Oak Creek was nothing if not a tight-knit community.

One particular correspondence, though, had thoroughly surprised her. J.D.'s mother, Bonnie, had brought her a card and a casserole, though she clearly didn't need it as Archie was independently wealthy. She'd visited for a short time, then taken her leave. Curious as to why the woman had gotten her a card when she could simply visit as she often did, Carly opened the envelope.

It took her ten full minutes to be able to actually read the card once she saw who it was from: J.D. had heard about her parents from his mother, and sent her a card, offering sympathy for her loss and apologizing that he wouldn't be allowed to attend the funeral as they weren't immediate family. She stared at his handwriting, felt the familiar longing for him, until Archie had called for her.

And now, Archie was gone, too, leaving Carly alone in a giant house with more cars and money than she could use in five lifetimes. And she couldn't help noticing that this time, a condolence card was oddly missing. She didn't realize until that moment how much J.D.'s words had helped her through her parents' death, words written by a man she should have stopped loving years ago.

A knock sounded at the door, and Carly stood to answer it. It was J.D.'s mom, Bonnie, with another casserole and a sympathetic look. "I'm so sorry for your loss, Carly."

Bonnie sat at the kitchen table while Carly put the casserole in the state-of-the-art freezer. "Coffee?" Carly asked.

"Yes, please. That would be lovely."

Carly used her Keurig to make them each a cup, leaving Bonnie's black the way she knew she liked it, while adding cream and sugar to her own. After she sat across the table from her friend, they talked for a while about how Carly was holding up. Expecting your spouse to die, knowing it was coming, didn't make it as easy to deal with as some people thought.

"I can't imagine losing Grant, even if I did know he was sick," Bonnie said, taking a small drink of her coffee.

Carly shrugged. "You know it wasn't like that, Bonnie. Archie had affection for me because I took such good care of him, and he wanted me to have his money because he had no one else to give it to. Marrying him was the easiest way to accomplish that without a bunch of legal crap."

Bonnie nodded. "I know that, but it doesn't make it any easier to lose him. You had him for five years, eight if you count the three you worked for him before you were married. That's a long time to devote yourself to someone, especially twenty-four hours a day."

Again, Carly's shoulders lifted. "He needed me. I had no one else. Really, he helped me as much as I helped him."

Bonnie nodded knowingly, and Carly had to remind herself that though she considered Bonnie a friend, she would do well to remember that she was J.D.'s mom, and likely knew how serious their relationship had been despite the fact that they'd never actually told anyone.

Lifting a brow, Carly said, "Regardless, he's gone now. Yes, I'll miss him, but it's not as if we loved each other and I'll be desolate without him."

Bonnie got a twinkle in her eye. "Out of curiosity, did you two, ah..."

Carly laughed. "No."

The woman she considered to be like a second mother widened her eyes. "Really? So, you've gone... what, ten years without a man?" She lifted her cup to her lips, eyebrows raised innocently.

But Carly knew what she was doing. Feigning innocence herself, she lifted a shoulder. "Oh, I don't think it's been that long."

Bonnie's eyes flew to hers in surprise, but then she composed herself. "Oh. Well, either way, you need a man."

Carly lifted her brows noncommittally, but didn't respond.

Bonnie continued, a light of triumph in her eyes that Carly didn't understand. "Speaking of which, J.D. will be home on Saturday."

Carly bobbled her coffee cup, spilling it onto her jeans and nearly shattering the cup on the floor. "Damn it," she said softly, then stood. She grabbed a towel and cleaned up the table and floor. "Will you excuse me for a moment, Bonnie? I want to change before this stains."

When the older women merely nodded and tried to hide a smile behind her coffee cup, Carly left the room. She was so preoccupied, she wasn't entirely sure how she made it up the stairs and down the hall to her room. While she and Archie had been married, he'd insisted she have her own room instead of sharing his. Now she thought of it as her sanctuary.

But her sanctuary wasn't giving her much asylum now, she thought, sitting numbly on the bed. J.D. was coming home, in just a few short days. What was she going to do? More to the point, what was she thinking? That now, with Archie dead, they could have something again? She wasn't entirely sure, but it didn't seem plausible.

It had been more than ten years since she'd seen him, ten years since he'd left to accomplish his dream of defending his country. She still couldn't blame him for it, no matter how many nights of tear-soaked pillows and days of mind-numbing pain she'd endured since. So long as he was happy, she was happy for him.

Wasn't that what you were supposed to want for someone you loved? Their happiness, whether it included you or not?

So she was glad for him. Just as she was sure he'd been happy for her when he'd heard she'd gotten married.

But that didn't make her feelings any less serious, or any easier to deal with now that he would be so close again. Especially since he clearly didn't feel the same way. She'd have to face him, likely on a regular basis, knowing she loved him as much as she had the night she'd given herself to him while he didn't feel anything for her.

Oh, they would be friends again. In a former-lovers-but-now-uncomfortably-polite-friends-with-an-intense-sexual-past kind of way, that would likely drive her mad within a week. Huffing out an aggravated breath, she stood up to change her pants. As she pulled on another pair of jeans, she decided the only way to avoid that scenario, and save her sanity and her memories of him, would be to avoid him altogether.

She knew it would be difficult: Oak Creek was ridiculously small, and they would run in the same social circle. She saw his mother regularly, too, and frequently went over there for dinner, which would have to stop, she thought with no small amount of sadness. But she couldn't risk seeing him and having their new, awkward relationship ruin the greatest thing in her life.

Resolute, Carly went back downstairs to find Bonnie standing in the foyer. "I have to go. I have an appointment to get my hair colored. I want to look perfect for Saturday!"

Her excitement was palpable, and Carly couldn't help but smile. After pulling on her coat, Bonnie turned to her. "By the way, we're having a Welcome Home dinner for J.D. Saturday night. Will you come?"

Carly's smile slid right off her face. Could she go? Then she remembered her resolution to stay away from him. Of course, it wasn't as if they could get into a fight or anything at his parents house with all of his friends and family watching. Wouldn't anyway, as they both tended to be polite people.

But no. Better to stay away completely, rather than open the door for one night and then try to close it again.

Smiling apologetically, Carly said softly, "I'm sorry, Bonnie. But I can't."

Bonnie's answering look was sad, but understanding. "Okay. I'll tell him you said hi, though."

Carly wanted to tell her not to, just in case he took that as an invitation to come see her. But she couldn't hurt the woman's feelings, or test one of her oldest friendships. "Okay. Thanks. And thanks for the casserole." She opened the door and watched Bonnie traverse the snow-covered walkway to her little sedan, then drive away with a wave.

Carly closed the door and leaned back against it, swallowing roughly past the lump in her throat. Ten years, she thought again. J.D. was coming home. Thank God he was safe and whole. The whole time he'd been gone, even when she told herself she wasn't thinking about him, she worried for him.

She let out a relieved sigh, one that felt like she'd been holding it for a decade. He was coming home, so there was no reason to worry anymore. Now she could get on with her life, although what she was going to do now that Archie was gone she had no idea.

Maybe she'd go back to school and get her Bachelor's, just because she could now that she had all the time and money in the world. Or maybe she'd devote her time to charities, and do some good with the riches she now had at her disposal. Or maybe she'd become a recluse; after all, now that she'd been married and widowed, it would be perfectly acceptable for her to never date or marry again. It didn't really matter. Whatever she wanted to do, she could do.

And she didn't want to see Jackson Douglas Brewer.

**J.D.** had been back for two months already, and still he hadn't seen hide nor hair of Carly. He'd expected to see her at his parent's house when he'd come home back in November. But no. And she didn't come to his party that night, either. His mother had told him she said hi, but it hadn't sounded like Carly, so he assumed it was just his mother being nice to him. It annoyed him to realize how much her absence hurt.

Despite Oak Creek being a tiny place, she'd managed to avoid him for eight weeks now. He wondered, not for the first time, if she called ahead whenever she was going somewhere just to see if he was there. She could. She knew everyone in town. But he'd likely hear about that, especially since it was his name involved. Gossipers rarely hid gossip from the object of it.

He heard about her all the time, though, no matter where he went. At the grocery store, they told him he'd just missed her. At the café for breakfast, he heard she was considering going back to school to advance her degree. At the bar after work with some of the other guys from the firehouse, he heard she was still living in the area.

He'd gotten just drunk enough that night to consider finding out where and going there, but had still been sober enough to refrain. Damn it! He still wondered what she'd have done if he'd shown up on her doorstep in the middle of the night. Would she be wearing a negligee? Would she welcome him with open arms? Would her husband answer the door and demand to know who he was?

Better to stay away.

J.D. sat at the desk in his office at the firehouse and was so bored, he actually wished there was a fire just so he had something to do besides sit here and think about Carly. Just a small one, mind; maybe a bonfire gone haywire or something. Nothing too dangerous, just something to take his mind off his M.I.A. former best friend.

Suddenly, the firebell rang, and J.D. jumped up to get dressed. Well, hell, he thought. That's what he got for borrowing trouble.

**Several** hours later, the fire was out, but the house was all but gone. Carly sat on the back bumper of one of the fire trucks, a blanket wrapped around her shoulders as she watched the firemen putting away their equipment. She'd been told the chief would come talk to her, but that it might be a while as he was busy.

She couldn't believe her luck. A year ago, her parents. Two months ago, Archie. And now, the house she'd called home for more than eight years. She wondered idly, as she watched smoke rise from the embers of her home, what kind of karmic wrong she'd done to deserve this.

From the direction of her- former- garage, she saw a fireman start walking toward the trucks. Her brows lifted in vague interest when she saw he was taller and broader than all the others, with dark hair and possibly dark eyes, though she couldn't clearly make out his features through the soot that covered him from head to toe.

As he grew closer, stopping repeatedly to talk to one man or another, Carly couldn't help but watch him, a faint tingle beginning at the base of her neck. She frowned slightly and rubbed her hand over the dancing nerve to stop it's movement- yes, she'd been celibate for a long time, but she didn't have to stare.

Bowing her head, she looked down, felt the strain at the back of her neck and hoped it would help.

But it only seemed to be getting worse, so she lifted her head again, and saw the big firefighter was only ten feet away now, and making his way toward her. Suddenly, one of the men called to him- "Chief!"- and he turned his face toward the man, directly into the headlights of one of the trucks as it was leaving.

Carly's breath caught in her chest. "Oh, my God," she breathed.

_J.D._ The fire chief was J.D. She looked him over again, now that she could see him more clearly, and could hardly believe her eyes. The Marines had been _good_ to him, she thought. He was taller than she remembered, but she knew men grew into their twenties whereas she'd stopped at sixteen. He was broader in the chest and shoulders, and as he stripped off his heavy protective coat, she saw it was all muscle. His face had thinned out, his cheek bones were more sculpted than they'd been at eighteen.

Despite the horrors she knew he'd seen, there were laugh lines around his sensual mouth and dark brown eyes. His dark brown hair was short, but not as short as it probably had been two-and-a-half months ago before he'd come home.

Of course, she'd been keeping tabs on him since he'd been back, but she hadn't seen him at all. She'd gone out of her way to make sure of that. Knowing he was home safe was enough for her. She hadn't needed some silly, overly-emotional reunion to prove it to herself. But it looked like she was gonna get one anyway.

And he was now coming right at her. Carly's mouth went dry. Why now, she asked any god who would listen, when she was in silk pajamas and a silk bathrobe, with only matching blue slippers on her feet and an emergency blanket around her shoulders to ward off the chill? Why couldn't it have been last weekend, when she'd gone out with her friend Sienna dancing and had looked amazing?

Pulling her robe tighter around herself, Carly waited for him to come to her.

J.D. pulled a notebook out of an inside pocket, along with a pen, and without looking up, asked, "Mrs. Kennedy, can you tell me what happened?"

Carly couldn't believe it. He was standing directly in front of her, not two feet away, and he hadn't so much as glanced at her. Wondering if she could get through this without drawing his attention to her- he did look awfully distracted- she fought the urge to squirm.

"Um, I was in bed-" She stopped abruptly when his head shot up, his eyes meeting hers, as soon as she'd begun talking.

"Carly?" he asked, ducking his head closer in an attempt to see her better. When he realized it was her, there was no mistaking the joy in his eyes, and Carly's heart did a little flip in her chest. "Carly, oh, my god!" he shouted, then scooped her against him for a tight hug, her feet dangling several inches off the ground.

Though she wanted to remain impassive, she couldn't deny that his arms around her felt amazing, and all her feelings came crashing in on her once again. Bringing her arms up, she wrapped them as far as she could around his shoulders and squeezed. He laughed in her ear, causing chills to rumble up and down her spine, and clenched his arms, stealing her breath.

She laughed despite herself. "J.D., I can't breathe."

"Oh, sorry," he said with a chuckle, putting her back on her feet, though he didn't step away. He just stood there with his big hands near her waist, smiling down at her as if she'd just granted him his greatest wish. She stared back for a moment, then felt heat steal into her cheeks and looked away.

Her shyness seemed to break the spell, and J.D. released her and took a step back. "So, how've you been?"

Considering everything that had happened? "Okay. You?"

"Great! Just great." He put his hands on his lean hips and looked her over, and Carly realized her blanket had fallen to the ground when he'd scooped her up, leaving her only in her nightclothes and robe. "You look great!"

She blushed darker. "Thank you. So do you," she replied honestly, though once the words were out and she heard the faint longing in her tone, she wasn't sure they had been such a good idea.

"Thanks." His eyes continued roving her body, and she wondered if she looked as different to him as he did to her. As far as she could tell, she looked mostly the same. Maybe a little older in the face, and her hair was a little shorter. But nothing that warranted the way he was looking at her. He seemed to realize the same thing just then, because he turned slightly and looked behind him. "So, this was your house?"

The use of the word 'was' hit her hard. She swallowed roughly. "Yes."

"Sorry about that. Do you- Hey! Where's your husband?"

He looked genuinely concerned as his eyes searched the people milling around that her heart twisted in her chest. He was such an amazing person, who obviously really cared about his job and the people he was trained to help.

She softened considerably, both in respect for her dead spouse and affection for J.D. "He's dead."

It was clear he felt like a tool for asking. "Oh, Carly, I'm sorry to hear that."

And why didn't your mother tell you?, she wondered. She'd had no problem blabbing when Carly'd gotten married even though her son had been overseas, so why not mention her husband was _out_ of the picture?

"When did it happen?" he asked, bringing her thoughts back to him.

"About two and a half months ago. But we knew he was sick for years. That's how we met- Well, you know that part. Anyway, he got several years more than the doctor's thought he would, so..."

J.D. smiled distantly. "The love of a good woman will do that for a man." His eyes spoke volumes.

Carly didn't want to correct him, to tell him that there had been no love between her and Archie. She didn't want to get into why she'd married him, not tonight. Soon, she knew, she'd have to come clean.

"So, did you call someone to come get you? I don't think your car will function." He gestured toward the burned-out attached garage, the roof having collapsed on the little sports car inside.

She shook her head. "No. I was gonna stay at a hotel."

J.D. remembered then that she didn't have anyone, now that her husband was gone. With her parents dead, she was alone. Without thinking, he said, "Why don't you stay with me?"

Her eyes widened and she shook her head again. "I couldn't do that."

Though the words had surprised him as much as her, he decided to go with it. He shrugged. "Come on. We were friends once, right?"

Carly couldn't help but think that they'd been much more than friends. But before she could say anything, he continued.

"We _are_ friends. Distance and time can't take away that bond we once had. You were my best friend once, Carly. I'd like to be that close again." He saw her hesitation. "We could catch up. And it'll only be until you find another place." He glanced behind him at the skeleton of the mansion. "It'll probably only be for a week or two at most, anyway."

Carly thought over what he was saying. What could it hurt, really, for them to be friends again? She'd missed him, both as a lover and as a confidant. And it had been so long since she'd had someone to really confide in. Sighing, she gave him a small smile. "Okay."

He grinned as though victorious, and she told herself it was because he felt good about having done a good deed for a friend. "I have to finish up some things here. I can't take you in the fire truck, but I'll get Sheriff Dalton to drop you at my apartment. If we leave at the same time, I should get there around the same time as you."

She nodded. "Thanks, J.D. Really."

His grin brightened, and he began backing away from her. "Hey, what are friends for?"

**An** hour later, Carly stepped out of the sheriff's SUV and stood on the sidewalk in front of J.D.'s apartment, waiting for him to arrive. He was only a minute or so behind them, but it gave Micah Dalton enough time to get out of his vehicle to grill her.

"So, you're staying here, with J.D.?" The man was only a few years older than her, someone she'd had a crush on in high school before J.D. had stolen all her attention. He still looked just as good as he had then: a bulky, muscular frame; long black hair that spoke of his Ute heritage pulled back in a ponytail; golden brown eyes that had always reminded her of a wolf's. He was cunning and light on his feet; she'd seen him chase and corner a thief once when she worked at the drug store during college, and the man had had no idea how he'd gotten trapped when the cuffs wrapped around his wrist.

In answer to his question, she nodded. "Yes. For now." She wrapped her arms more tightly around herself and shivered.

One raven brow winged up in doubt. "Hmm... You know, everyone thought you guys were quite the couple way back when. Thought for sure you'd get married and have a passel of kids."

So had she, she thought darkly, irritation warming her briefly. But things didn't always work out the way you wanted them to. "We're just friends, Micah." But even to herself she didn't sound too happy about it. "Don't get your tongue wagging."

"So what happened back then?" Micah asked, his open curiosity typical in this tight-knit community where everyone knew everyone else.

"Life," she mumbled quietly, the word leaving her mouth on a puff of steam.

Micah hadn't heard her. "What?"

Just then, J.D.'s new burgundy pick-up truck came around the curve, warm exhaust leaving a trail of smoke behind him, saving her from having to repeat herself and possibly explain further. J.D. parked his truck at the curb and jumped out, giving the two of them a friendly smile.

"Thanks for giving her a ride, Micah," J.D. said as though it had been a huge personal favor, offering his hand.

Micah clasped it easily. "No problem, J.D. It gave us a little time to catch up." His eyes roamed appreciatively over Carly's body, who didn't notice as she was looking at J.D.

J.D.'s warm smile fell at the blatant interest in Micah's golden gaze as he inclined his head once. "Hmm. Well, see ya."

Micah smiled. "See ya." He stepped off the curb, but just before he ducked into his truck, he gave Carly a wink behind J.D.'s back.

She frowned after the sheriff, wondering what the hell that was all about. Shaking her head- She'd never understand men- she followed J.D. into his building and up a flight of stairs to his apartment. She waited, her body tensed from the cold, while he unlocked the door and let them in, hitting a light switch as he entered.

Carly's eyed bugged right out of her head. The place was nice... If you overlooked the dirty clothes strewn about, the dirty dishes piled in the sink, the empty pizza boxes on the counter.

J.D. saw her eyes roaming widely over the living room/ dining room/ kitchen area, and imagined it probably looked like a domestic bomb had gone off in here. "Sorry about the mess. I wasn't expecting company."

Carly lifted a brow at the word 'mess'. Talk about an understatement. 'Hellhole' was the term that came to mind. Slipping easily back into the comfortable way they'd spoken to each other a decade before when they could say anything, she said, "Ever?"

J.D. laughed. "I guess not." He walked toward a hallway, stepping over piles of laundry as he went. "There are two bedrooms. Mine's here-" He gestured toward the first door he came to. "Then this is the bathroom." It was almost directly across the hall from his room. "And this one will be yours."

Carly stepped gingerly around... things to follow him. As she went toward 'her' room, she glanced into his, then turned quickly away with a roll of her eyes. It was almost as bad as the living areas. She walked straight past the bathroom, afraid to even look.

"Don't they teach you organization and neatness in the military?" she asked, giving him a doubtful look.

He had the good sense to look mildly ashamed. "Yes. But with only getting back a couple months ago, and after taking on the job as chief at the firehouse, I don't have much free time. Which includes having the time to look for a housekeeper. Please don't tell my mother."

She laughed at the fear in his eyes. "Don't worry. Your secret is safe with me." She made a cross over her left breast, unintentionally drawing his gaze there. When she felt her nipples begin to harden, she walked past him, hoping he hadn't seen them through her thin pajamas. Taking a deep breath, she slowly opened the door to what would be her room, afraid to see what he might have done with an empty space.

Surprisingly, though, it was clean. There was a queen-size bed set up, its dark wood headboard against one wall. The sheets and pillowcases looked clean. But other than that and a few boxes stacked in one corner, it was empty. Lifting surprised eyebrows, she glanced at him. "Why hasn't the mess spread to this room?"

He shrugged. "I don't know. I put the bed up- a cast off extra of my mother's, by the way- stored a few boxes in there and shut the door. Just never opened it up again. In fact, I wonder what's in them that I haven't needed for two months."

He walked into the room and over to the boxes, opening the top one. Letting out a pleased laugh, he pulled a thick book out of the box, and Carly saw it was a year book. "Look. Senior year," he said, taking the book with him to sit on the bed. "Come on. Let's look at it."

Carly wasn't all that eager to look through the book- After all, she hadn't traveled the world as J.D. had, and saw most of these people on a regular basis- but she slowly moved over to sit beside him, leaning toward him slightly as he opened the book and rested half of it on her lap.

They flipped through the book, from beginning to end, laughing at pictures of the underclassmen that they still knew. Finally, they reached the back section where the senior's pictures were. He sought himself out first, as he came first alphabetically, and looked down at his picture. Overall, he didn't think he looked that much different. His hair was a little shorter now, his body bigger, but that was really it.

Carly laughed softly. "You look almost the same."

He couldn't tell by her tone whether that was a good thing or a bad thing. So he turned the page and found her picture, smiling at the sweet girl he'd known ten years before. "So do you." Her hair was a little shorter now, her face more defined in the cheekbones, sexier.

He slanted a look at her, saw she was looking a few pages ahead with a misty look in her eyes. He grabbed the pages she'd skipped and found the picture she was staring at, and felt his heart flip in his chest.

It was a picture of the two of them, standing in front of a brick wall outside the school building. J.D.'s arms were around her shoulders, Carly's around his waist, half turned toward each other. Carly was facing the camera, her eyes shining brightly with an emotion he wasn't sure he could objectively identify; it looked like love, but that might be wishful remembrance on his part. He looked at his own face, and was almost embarrassed. He wasn't looking at the camera but down at her, with the dopiest look of adoration completely gripping his features.

The caption below the picture said, "Most Likely To Get Married... To Each Other."

Letting out a slow breath to try and relieve some of the sudden pressure in his chest, J.D. turned his head to look at Carly. She turned to him at the same time, and there were tears glimmering in her blue eyes. When the tear fell, J.D. found he still couldn't stand it when she cried, and he wondered what it was about the picture that had caused this reaction.

Reaching up, he brushed away the tear that slipped from her eye with the pad of his thumb. His hand stayed against the side of her neck and face, big enough to practically cover the whole thing. His eyes went to her lips of their own accord, and a dark curl of lust clutched his stomach.

He wondered what she'd do if he leaned forward, laid his lips over hers, took her mouth gently for the first time in ten years. Or if he crushed her mouth beneath his, thrusting his tongue into her intoxicating heat and forcing her to accept him. He was so distracted by his thoughts that it took him several seconds to realize she was looking at him curiously, one brow raised.

When he finally noticed, he removed his hand from her face and curled his fingers into a fist, relishing the heat still brazing his palm. How long, he wondered, had he been staring at her like that? Clearing his throat, he took the book and stood, dropping it into the top box as he headed for the door. "Well, I'll see you in the morning. I have the next two days off, so we can talk and catch up." Then he ducked out, leaving her staring after him.

Carly put her fingertips to her lips, feeling as if he had kissed her. His eyes had been so intense and intent on her mouth that she'd expected him to kiss her. But he hadn't, and she couldn't deny that she was disappointed. And he had the next two days off?

She stood and pulled back the covers on her bed, sliding in and down until her head rested on the pillow. As she lay there, trying to sleep though her brain was buzzing with questions, and sexual awareness, she wondered how the hell they were going to be able to spend two whole days with each other when they had barely handled an hour.

She appreciated his offer to let her stay here, but at what cost to her carefully constructed life? Would she be able to deny him if he offered her sex? Did she want to? And if she accepted, could she keep her heart safe? Of course, keeping it safe implied it currently was. And she'd thought it was, though her feelings for him had never really gone away. But now, after seeing him and laughing with him, she wasn't so sure.

**The** following morning, J.D. woke to the smell of bacon frying. He smiled, as bacon was one of his favorite foods, then frowned, wondering who the hell could be cooking it. He wracked his sleeping brain, trying to remember if he'd brought someone home last night, relatively certain he'd clearly remember his first sexual encounter in ten years without much thought.

Let's see... Work, fire, Carly, home- _Carly_!

His eyes popped open and J.D. sat up, swinging his naked legs over the side of his bed. He took a second to pull on a pair of flannel pajama pants, then walked out of his room.

As soon as he reached the large living area of his apartment he stopped in his tracks, his eyes widening. His first thought was that he'd been robbed. But, no, he thought, no one would want his dirt laundry and garbage. Next came a rational explanation as to where all his stuff had gone, and his eyes found Carly in his kitchen.

She had her back to him, flipping bacon in one pan and eggs in another, while toast sat recently buttered on a nearby plate. His eyebrows lifted in surprise as he wondered how she could do so many things at once while cooking. Then they rose higher when he saw what she was wearing.

It was one of his flannel shirts, probably the matching top to the pants he was wearing. It was huge on her, so that she had the sleeves rolled several times, and the hem came to midway down her thighs. The sight of her in his shirt, in his kitchen, practically naked, had his groin stirring in a way it hadn't since he'd last seen her.

Carly separated the eggs onto two plates, did the same to the bacon, then turned to go to the fridge, and let out a short scream when she saw him standing there, huge and barrel-chested, his face set in a dark scowl. Her hand came up to cover her mouth, her pretty blue eyes widening comically.

J.D.'s scowl turned into a grin and he laughed out loud as he came toward her, pulling her into his arms to hug her.

"You startled me," she said with a laugh, smacking his bare chest lightly. Her hand rested on his chiseled stomach for just a second while she smiled up at him. J.D. felt a punch of heat in his stomach at her touch, stealing his breath and turning his brown eyes liquid as he stared down at her.

Carly snatched her hand back and looked away. "Sorry." Her eyes focused on a spot somewhere near her feet. Understanding what she was going through- he hoped- he lifted her face with a knuckle under her chin.

"It's alright, Carly. We were really close once upon a time. Best friends, like I said last night. It's natural that we would feel comfortable enough to touch each other without it... meaning anything." He swallowed because the lie tasted sour on his tongue.

She stared at him, seeming to search his gaze for sincerity. Then she smiled and nodded. "You're right. Friends, right?"

He nodded because he couldn't make himself say the words.

She took a step back. "Hungry?"

"Starved," he said honestly, though he didn't necessarily want food.

Her eyes flicked to his in alarm, but she smiled and grabbed the plates, carrying them to the table. Trying to be as calm about their obvious attraction as she was, J.D. grabbed forks and napkins and went to sit across from her at the table.

"I hope you don't mind that I cleaned up a little," she said as they dug in. "I'm used to getting up early and I could barely walk in here."

J.D. shrugged and shoveled food into his mouth. "It's no big deal. I'm sure I should have done it myself forever ago."

She smiled at his easy acquiescence. "Good. 'Cuz I was thinking about tackling your room next."

J.D. started to agree, just because he was getting tired of walking around the mess himself. Then he remembered what resided at the back of his closet, and he changed his mind. "No! Don't go in my room."

She gave him a strange look. "Okay..."

He laughed once to relieve some tension. "It's just that I have everything right where I can find it. Sort of, uh, organized chaos. You know?"

She lifted a brow. "Fine. It's your room. No problem."

He let out a breath, slowly so as not to tip her off to his discomfort. "Thanks."

"What about laundry?"

"What do you mean?"

"Well, I figure that since I don't have a job, while I'm staying here I can do stuff around the house. Like cleaning up." She indicated the spotless living area with a sweep of her hand. "And I can help with cooking, do the laundry. Speaking of which, I hope you don't mind that I put this on." She lifted the shirt from her chest a bit. "I found it draped over a chair, and it smelled clean. My pajamas smelled like smoke."

His eyes darkened. "Of course I don't mind. But Carly, I didn't bring you here to be my maid."

"I know. But I'll feel bad if I don't help out. I'd offer to pay rent but-" She paused and smiled when his face went stone hard. "But I don't feel like getting my head bitten off."

His features immediately cleared. "Ha, ha, ha," he said sarcastically.

"Besides, I don't want to get lazy just because I have the money to do nothing with the rest of my life. Helping out around here will make me feel useful."

He understood that, didn't know what he would do if he couldn't be a Marine, or a firefighter. So he nodded.

"So, about the laundry, if I can't go in your room-" she gave him a mockingly serious look- "then we'll have to get a laundry basket for you to put your dirty clothes into. And I'll have to leave them somewhere so you can put them away."

J.D. thought about it. "The hamper I can do. As to putting it away, it'll probably be alright if you put it on my bed. Just don't go rummaging around in my stuff while you're in there."

She smiled faintly and rolled her eyes. "I'll try to control myself."

He pointed at her with his fork. "See that you do."

**After** the breakfast dishes were cleared and put in the dishwasher, they went to sit in the living room- J.D. had forgotten his furniture was a muted blue- with cups of coffee. She curled into one of his big, deep chairs, her feet tucked beneath her, her bare legs exposed. J.D. sat on the sofa opposite her so he could see all of her face while she spoke.

"So, did you have any idea where you were gonna look for a place?"

She shook her head. "No. I kinda want a house, and since I can afford one, I don't see the point in staying in an apartment. But at the same time, I don't know if I'll be up to maintaining a house." She shrugged.

"Maintenance is easy. All you have to do is call me. I can fix just about anything." He gave her a cocky smirk.

She remembered how he'd always been mechanically inclined, very good with his hands. In more ways than one... "I'll keep you in mind, J.D. But you're already doing so much for me by letting me stay here. I'd make you crazy if I started calling you all the time to come fix something."

His eyes were very intent when they met and held hers. "Hearing from you could never be a bad thing. I'd take any excuse I could to see you. Besides, hopefully now that we're talking again, we can continue to do so."

His eyes were slightly wounded, and Carly regretted any pain she may have caused him by not writing. "J.D...."

He shook his head, cutting off her words. "I don't want to do this. We both did it. I was the one who never wrote you back remember?"

Boy, did she, Carly thought. Every week that had passed without a letter had cut deeper and deeper into her until she couldn't close the wound anymore, and merely walked around for months emotionally bleeding.

He continued. "I didn't call you when I could, or email."

"J.D., you were fighting for your country, for your life. I should have been the one to make the effort."

Once again, he shook his head. "Let's just call it even, shall we? You'll always feel responsible, and so will I. No sense in dwelling on it when we both feel the same way."

She sighed in defeat, seeing it was important to him. "Okay."

He nodded his thanks. "Now, what are you doing for the rest of your life?"

Carly's eyes lifted to his suddenly. His words sounded suspiciously like a marriage proposal she'd once heard in a movie or a song. But his eyes were clear when she met them with hers, so he obviously had no idea what he'd said.

To distract him from the way she'd been looking at him, she gave him the stink-eye and said, "What are you, my guidance counselor?"

He lifted a mildly irritated brow. "No. I'm just a friend who's trying to help you figure out what's going to happen in your life. You're in a kind of limbo right now. I mean, you have no real family-" He saw that his words brought pain to her eyes, but he understood that it wasn't because of him but the loss of her parents, so he continued. "Your job was taking care of your husband, and he's gone now, too. You could literally do absolutely anything you wanted, Carly. So what's it gonna be?"

Because she was hurting, over the loss of her parents, Archie, and her relationship with J.D., her answer was sarcastic. "Well, Mr. Brewer, I just don't know. I guess I'll have to wait and see what my SAT scores look like before I make any serious decisions." She batted her eyelashes, then screamed out a laugh when he threw a couch pillow at her.

By the time she'd swatted it away, he'd stood and was now looming over her. Her eyes widened. "What are you doing?" she asked as he scooped her up and tossed her over his shoulder as if she weighed less than a bag of potatoes.

"Teaching you a lesson," he growled, carrying her down the hall to her bedroom, trying to ignore the fact that her barely-covered backside was within biting distance.

When she saw where he was going, she started squirming in earnest. "J.D.! What are you doing?!" Then her breath left her body in one quick 'oomph' when he tossed her on the bed. She scrambled up, sitting in the middle of the bed so she had plenty of ways to get away if he came after her.

He looked for several seconds like he wanted to join her on the bed, pin her down with his body and make love to her. But instead he put his hands on his hips. "You are grounded, young lady. Now, I want you to stay in here and think about what you did." Then he stormed out, slamming the door dramatically behind him.

Carly stared at the door in shock. She couldn't remember the last time someone had played with her, joked with her... tossed her over their shoulder, she thought with a grin. It felt so good to be silly, she realized. She couldn't remember the last time she'd been so happy. Falling back against her pillows, Carly laughed out loud.

**She** didn't remember falling asleep, but she must have drifted off, because when the knock came at her bedroom door, she opened her eyes to find it was nearly noon. Sitting up groggily, she combed her fingers through her hair, calming the flyaway strands, then pulled J.D.'s shirt down from where it had floated up around her waist in sleep.

"Carly?" J.D. called to her through the door.

"Yeah. I'm awake."

"Can I come in?"

She hesitated, noting her state of dress. But he'd already seen her in his shirt, had in fact carried her in here with her ass hanging out, so what the hell? But she still lifted her knees and wrapped her arms around them. "Yes. Come on in."

He opened the door slowly, making sure she was decent before pushing the door open all the way. His eyes roamed over her, lingering on her bare legs and thighs, before meeting hers. He smiled. "Did you sleep well?"

Carly nodded. "Yes. I'm sorry for falling asleep. I can't remember the last time I've taken a nap."

He shrugged. "Smoke inhalation can do that to you, make you tired. Also sore throat, difficulty breathing, raw eyes, the list goes on. Actually, you're pretty well off. You must have gotten out of there pretty fast." It hit him at that moment how close he'd come to never seeing her again. Even being overseas in a war torn country hadn't scared him as much.

"The alarm system was state-of-the-art. It went off in the house, and alerted the security company and 9-1-1 at the same time."

J.D. nodded. "I know this might sound weird, considering... Well, considering, but I'm really glad you're okay."

She sent him a soft smile. "Me, too."

"Uh, I have something for you, out in the living room."

"Okay." She stood and followed him out to the dining room table.

"Here. I found these." He pushed a pile of clothes toward her on the table, and she unfolded them to find a pair of red sweat pants and a matching sweatshirt with the Marine Corps logo on them. "They might be a bit big, but the pants have a drawstring. They'll do until we can get to a store to buy you some clothes."

She smiled up at him, touched more than she should be that he would let her wear something representing the thing he loved most. "Thank you, J.D."

"You're welcome. Are you up to shopping now? We could get dinner, maybe see a movie. Or if you're too tired, we could go tomorrow."

She considered him and stood, taking the sweats with her. "We can go now."

"Okay. I'll wait out here for you to change, and then we'll go."

Carly scooped up the soft clothes and turned toward the hallway.

Just then, the front door opened quickly, slamming into the wall behind it. Bonnie Brewer came running in and straight to Carly, pulling her into a tight hug.

"Oh, you're alright! I'm so glad you're alright." She patted Carly's head softly, smoothing her hair, and Carly sank into her hold, desperate for a mother's touch. Then Bonnie pulled back, holding Carly by her upper arms to look her over. Her eyes lit as she saw the shirt Carly was wearing, and she whipped her head around to look at J.D. and saw that he was wearing the pants to the shirt.

J.D.'s cheeks puffed out in apprehension. He knew how this probably looked to his mother, especially since he hadn't told her that Carly was staying with him yet. But he hadn't anticipated the light of pleasure in his mother's gaze as she stared at their guilty faces. J.D. felt his eyebrows wing up in surprise. Already Carly was opening her mouth to say something.

Bonnie beat her to it. "I heard you were here. It was all over town that you'd come here last night. And I didn't believe it. I told everyone, 'Those two haven't talked in years. And they certainly haven't seen each other.' But people kept insisting, so I wanted to check for myself. Oh, I'm so glad you're here." She clapped her hands together in front of her, her fingers gripping each other tightly.

She had tears in her eyes, J.D. saw. Actual tears. He couldn't believe his mother's behavior, acting as if they'd just announced their engagement instead of simply having been caught in the same room together.

"Bonnie-" Carly began, but his mother held up a hand to stop her, her lips compressed as if holding in a shout, and Carly just couldn't bring herself to tell her the truth.

Bonnie shook her head, both stopping any arguments from the two of them, and denying herself the tears that wanted to fall. "I'm gonna go. I just wanted to be sure you were alright, and tell you I'm sorry about your home. Now, it's none of my business what the two of you do, so I'm leaving." She opened her mouth to say something else, then snapped it closed as the tears pooled again.

Quickly, Bonnie walked out the door, closing it quietly behind her. After she'd gone, Carly and J.D. stared at the door as if it were going to come alive and eat them at any moment. J.D. was the first to break the silence.

"That is _not_ gonna end well."

"We should have told her," Carly said guiltily. "How could we let her walk out of here believing what she saw?"

J.D. put his hands on his hips and shook his head. "We both know she wouldn't have believed it if we had denied it, anyway. She'd have just thought we were covering our asses. We really just saved ourselves the headache."

Carly bobbed her head from side to side, considering. She knew what he was saying was true. Bonnie had seen them as a couple, and there was no telling Bonnie she was wrong about something, especially when she had 'seen' it herself.

Turning once again, Carly said, "I'm gonna go get dressed."

**They** went to the Wal-Mart in Steamboat Springs, as Oak Creek was small enough not to have it's own clothing store. Though J.D. suspected she usually shopped in more uppity stores, he found she had no qualms about shopping here just because she could afford better.

After buying herself an entirely new wardrobe, they loaded everything into J.D.'s truck and went to dinner. They ate and laughed about old times, silly things they'd done together as teenagers, then opted for renting a DVD rather than going to a movie, so stopped at the RedBox outside McDonald's to grab a couple before driving back to his apartment.

While Carly put the DVD into the player, J.D. popped them some popcorn. Turning off all the lights, they sat together on the sofa. "Which one did you put in?" J.D. asked.

"The scary one."

His eyes flashed to hers in the dark, appearing black. "Really?"

She nodded. "I figure that way, I can watch the rom-com after, and it'll take my mind off the scary one so I can sleep."

"I like your logic. But you know, if you get too scared, you can always come slide into bed with me. Especially if you're wearing one of my shirts."

Carly rolled her eyes at him but smiled. She liked how easily they'd slipped back to their old ways. It was as if the last ten years had never happened, only they were both older and wiser now. She liked, too, that he wasn't afraid to flirt with her as he once might have. It was- mostly- harmless, and if either of them took it seriously, they kept it light despite that.

As the previews played, Carly said, "You know, I was thinking about maybe going back to school. I only have my Associate's. I could go back for my Bachelor's, or even my Master's. What do you think?"

"I think if you enjoy what you're doing, then there's no reason not to. Why wouldn't you want to learn all you can about a topic you love so much?"

She smiled beautifully, and J.D. felt his chest tighten in response. "Exactly," she said, leaning her head against his arm. "But first, I'm gonna find a place to live, so I can get out of your hair."

He glanced down at her, frowning. He grabbed her closest hand, and held it tight when she looked at him in surprise. "Carly, you can stay here as long as you want. You don't have to be in a hurry to leave."

Carly smiled at him again as the movie started. "Thanks, J.D. That means a lot." But she was already feeling things for him that she'd thought long gone. True, she'd never gotten completely over him, but the things she wanted now, the things running through her mind, went beyond loving him forever because he was her first. And having those feelings, she didn't want to force the issue or press her luck where he was concerned.

As the movie rolled through the spooky opening scene, Carly laid her head against his arm, like she'd done when they were dating. J.D. glanced down at her, and couldn't help the emotions coursing through him. He'd been remembering all day exactly how much fun they'd had together, and how much they would laugh, or how intense their discussions got sometimes.

She was absolutely perfect. Even after ten years of separation, after losing people close to them- him in Iraq, her right here at home- she was still the same Carly he'd fallen in love with as a teenage boy.

Not that he was in love with her now, J.D. thought. He was simply reminiscing, and enjoying being in her company once again. He wouldn't even try to fool himself into thinking you could fall in love with someone in less than a day, even if you had a history with them.

Or could you?, he wondered. It would probably be pretty easy, actually, if you'd never really gotten over them in the first place. But he doubted she would feel that way. She would tell him he was crazy, or imagining it, or if she was feeling really vulnerable, think he was saying it to get in her pants.

Suddenly, Carly jumped and buried her face in his side, and J.D. lifted his arm to wrap it around her, pulling her close to him. She didn't object, just cuddled into his side, and J.D. felt a faint stirring of hope.

**She** hadn't come into his room in the middle of the night, freaked out and on the verge of tears. But she had fallen asleep on the couch, so J.D. had gotten to carry her to bed, holding her lithe form tight against his chest. And when he'd put her on the bed and tucked her under the covers, she'd softly moaned his name in her sleep, spiking his heart rate as he fought the urge to climb in beside her.

He'd slept fitfully due to that soft whimper, and now was cranky as he woke once again to the smell of food cooking. He should have gotten into bed with her last night. Maybe then he wouldn't be in such a bad mood. But no, he had to fight the desire he felt for her, the _lust_ , because she didn't want to face the fact that they were still attracted to each other.

Rising, he slipped on a pair of boxers, uncaring if she saw anything she probably shouldn't. He wasn't in the mood to cater to her sensibilities. Besides, he reasoned as he went into the bathroom, it wasn't anything she hadn't seen before, a hundred times.

Suddenly, something hit him. Just like yesterday, his surroundings were practically unrecognizable. _She'd cleaned the bathroom._ He could only imagine what horrors she'd faced to clean these surfaces. And just where did she get off, cleaning up after him, anyway?

With a scowl on his face, J.D. stormed out of the bathroom. His heavy footsteps alerted her to his presence well before she could see him, but as he came into the living room, he saw her eyes widen in surprise- and maybe just a smidgen of fear- when she saw the dark look in his.

She looked back at the omelet she was making. "Is something wrong?"

His jaw worked as he tried really hard not to snap at her. But it burst out of him anyway. "Stop cleaning up after me. You're not my maid."

She lifted a brow and didn't speak, only nodded her head once.

Because he'd expected her to shout back, he was stunned silent for a moment. He stood with his hands on his hips, trying to think of the other things he'd wanted to say. "And stop cooking for me. I can feed myself."

Still staring at him, she dropped the spatula in her hand onto the counter and turned off the burner she'd been using, leaving the omelet half-cooked in the pan. Crossing her arms, she turned to face him. "Anything else?"

J.D.'s mouth instantly dried up at the way she was standing. She was once again wearing his shirt, even though she'd bought herself some pajamas yesterday. The thought that she preferred his clothes over hers drove him mad, as did the way she stood with her hip cocked in attitude, arms crossed under her breasts and pushing them up.

He knew he should leave the room, go to his own and calm down. But his blood was coursing through his veins- and not entirely from anger. What would she do, he wondered- not for the first time- if he hauled her against him and kissed her? Testing her, he took two large steps toward her, bringing them within a foot of each other. Her eyes widened slightly, and the glimmer of fear was back.

Incited, J.D. grabbed her upper arms and pulled her close. "And stop looking at me like that." Then he claimed her mouth, none too gently, crushing his lips to hers so she had no choice but to accept it. He felt her stiffen beneath his hands, and in an effort to soothe, he rubbed his hands down her arms and back to her shoulders.

Just a few more seconds, he told himself when she still didn't relax. A few more seconds of heaven; heaven he needed after all the hell he'd seen. He felt her calming, slowly pressing herself against him. Too much, he thought. Time to back away.

Just as Carly began lifting her hands, unbeknownst to J.D., he pulled back, breathing hard. Her eyes popped open, her lips still pursed, as he backed away with his hands raised.

"I'm sorry," he said roughly, then turned and went quickly to his room.

Carly straightened, blinking repeatedly as her head cleared. She lifted a hand and pressed her fingers gently to her swollen lips, puckering them slightly to apply more pressure. They still tingled, she thought with the beginnings of a smile.

She blew out a shaky breath. What did this mean for them?, she wondered. Was J.D. interested in a relationship with her again? Had the kiss been an indicator of that? And if it was, how did she feel about it? Did she want to get involved with him again, and risk losing him a second time?

She honestly didn't know. But it didn't matter until she knew how he felt. So she'd wait until he made another move, or said something to indicate he wanted her in his life on a more 'permanent' basis.

**She** didn't have to wait long. Less than an hour after leaving her stunned in the kitchen, J.D. came out of his room, fully dressed, and sat on the couch. Dressed in a short-sleeve sweater and hip-hugging blue jeans, Carly sat in the chair with a book in her hands. She lifted her eyes, ignored the way her heart leapt at the sight of him, and waited for him to say something.

It took him several minutes, and several attempts, before he could get his vocal cords to function properly. Finally, he forced the sounds past his lips. "Carly, I'm sorry about earlier."

"What about it?" she asked, not willing to make this easy on him.

He let out a deep sigh. "For shouting at you, twice. And... For kissing you. I know I said we would be friends, and I meant it, but I'm having trouble ignoring the..." His eyes roamed the room as he searched his brain for the right word to use. "Chemistry between us."

Carly felt a spurt of something inside her, but she didn't know if it was excitement or regret. She continued watching him through guarded eyes, waiting for him to decide her fate.

"I'm gonna try harder to be what we said we'd be. Friends," he finished lamely.

And there it was, she thought. The verdict. He admitted there was chemistry between them, but he wasn't willing to explore it. Fine, if that was how he felt.

But as she sat there staring at him, yet to say a word, she realized it wasn't fine, not by her. She wanted to see where their mutual need would take them. Now, how to convince him?

"You know," J.D. said with a half smile on his face, "you were the first girl I ever loved."

Carly was surprised, and she knew it showed on her face. He'd never told her he loved her while they were together. Why now? "Really?"

He nodded. Suddenly his eyebrows furrowed slightly, like he realized he'd made a mistake in telling her that. "But," he said quickly, "I, uh, I got over it." He offered her a smile that didn't reach his eyes.

Carly narrowed her eyes at him, wondering if maybe he'd just given her the opportunity she needed to let him know- subtly- how she felt. "Hmm," she said in response to what he'd said. "I never did." So much for subtle.

J.D.'s eyebrows rose, telling her she'd hit her target. "You- You never-" He swallowed roughly. "You never... got over it?"

"Nope." She shook her head and went back to her book, fighting a smile at his expense.

Just when he looked like he was going to say something, his phone rang. Giving her a look that said he didn't want to leave the conversation, he stood and grabbed the cordless phone off the table.

"Hello?" A pause while he listened. He frowned. "Uh, yeah. Hold on a second." He held the receiver against his chest and looked at her. "It's Gypsy. He wants to talk to you."

"Oh, good!" Carly said, standing to take the phone from him. She'd been expecting the call from the mechanic who owned a nearby garage. She kept her call short, then hung up and smiled at J.D. "Could you give me a ride over there? I have to pick up my truck."

He ran a hand through his hair, frustrated that their conversation had been interrupted. It wasn't exactly one you could easily pick up again. "Yeah. Of course."

When they were in the truck ten minutes later, J.D. asked, "Why does Gypsy have your truck?"

Carly gave him a sarcastic smile. "He was fixing it."

Lifting a brow at her dry tone, he said, "I guess that's a good thing. You were only without a vehicle for a couple days. Now you'll have a car to do whatever you want when I have to be at work."

She nodded.

"So... Whose car was in your garage?"

"My husband's," she said quietly.

J.D. looked out his side window, calling himself all kinds of names for bringing up her deceased spouse. It was clear by her tone that she'd loved him very much. And here he was, J.D. the Dolt, kissing her when the man had been buried less than three months. "Oh," was all he said.

She gave him a look but said nothing.

Less than twenty minutes later, he pulled into Gypsy's parking lot and got out to go inside with her. There was no one behind the counter, so she rang the bell on the Formica countertop and waited patiently with a placid smile on her face. A side door opened, and a blond man about their age in jean overalls came into the room.

Gypsy grinned when he saw them. He shook hands with J.D., welcoming him home, before turning to wrap his arms around Carly. He turned in a circle with her hanging inches off the ground, his muscular arms bulging beneath his white t-shirt. Carly giggled like a little girl until he set her on the ground, giving her a loud smacking kiss before letting her go.

When they turned toward J.D., wearing matching grins, his eyes were almost black and his smile was a little scary. Gypsy looked at her and lifted a brow. Carly bit the inside of her cheek, and gave her head the barest of shakes. Gypsy's smile deepened, his eyes twinkling merrily at the idea of being in on a private joke.

"Well, let's get you squared away, and then I'll pull your truck around." He stepped behind the counter to print her an itemized list of repairs and services, then slid it across the counter for her to look over.

Carly looked at the list and sighed. "It's getting longer," she said sadly.

Gypsy gave her a sad smile. "I know. It's an old truck," he said by way of explanation. "But, with everything I've replaced on it in the last few years, she should run for another ten years before she needs anything other than regular maintenance."

Carly smiled, then looked at the price to pay the bill. Her eyes flashed up to Gypsy's when she saw he hadn't charged her for labor. "What is this?"

"I heard about the fire. It's the least I could do."

She put her hand over his on the countertop, her eyes brimming with tears. "Thank you," she said, her voice watery.

As she dug through her new purse for her wallet, J.D. looked at Gypsy over her head and sent him a reluctant smile. Gypsy couldn't help the delighted grin that crossed his ruggedly handsome features, though J.D. didn't understand it.

Carly produced the cash necessary to cover her bill, and Gypsy cashed her out and handed her the change. Then he laughed once, and Carly widened her eyes at him in warning.

Before he gave the secret away, Gypsy ducked back through the little side door, saying, "I'll go pull your truck out front."

Carly shook her head at his retreating back, then turned to J.D. "Come on. We'll wait outside."

While they waited for Gypsy and her truck, J.D. looked at her curiously. "I thought your husband was rich?"

She frowned at him, wondering where he was going with this. "He was."

"Then why is your truck ancient? Why don't you have a bright, shiny BMW to drive or something?"

She opened her mouth to answer him, but heard her baby growl as Gypsy started her up. So she shut her mouth and sent him an enigmatic smile, then turned to see the truck come roaring out of the garage bay. Eager to see J.D.'s expression, she looked back at him.

His eyes lifted absently to the vehicle, then came back to hers as he started to say something. "Carly-" He stopped talking and looked up once again, slower this time, in disbelief, as Gypsy parked the truck in front of them, his bright grin clearly visible through the windshield.

J.D. stared at the truck, walking slowly around it, inspecting it from every angle. When he made it all the way around and stood once more beside Carly and Gypsy, he looked at her nervous smile and shook his head in wonder.

"You kept it," he said quietly. "You kept my truck. All these years, and you still have it." He glanced at Gypsy, then back at Carly. "That's why he couldn't stop smiling, isn't it? He knew it was my truck, and that I was gonna freak out."

She nodded. "We all used it often enough to go party. He's known it all along."

"Why?"

She could have pretended to misunderstand him, but she didn't. Instead she looked away and shrugged delicately. "I told you I never got over you."

His eyebrows went up in surprise, and he shook his head again. He opened his mouth to say something, then closed it and lifted his shoulders, unsure what to say.

So Carly picked up the slack in conversation. "You know, sometimes driving your truck was the hardest thing I did. Like, whenever I heard on the news that some Marines had been killed or that a bomb had gone off. But then there were other times-" A secret grin crossed her face. "When the memories of what we'd done in this truck were the only things keeping me going. So I just couldn't get rid of her, even when Archie offered to buy me a new one, which he did. Regularly."

J.D. couldn't believe his ears. She'd missed him, worried for him, the same way he had her. And she'd kept his truck for ten years, putting ungodly amounts of money into it to keep it running, simply because it reminded her of him. He couldn't begin to describe the feelings inside him.

Grabbing her hips, he walked her backward until her back hit the side of the truck. She smiled. "I've been here before," she said with a sexy grin, a second before he took her mouth with a growl. This time she showed no hesitation, but opened for him and met his questing tongue with her own.

Somewhere behind him, the shop door opened and closed quietly as Gypsy went inside to give them some privacy. He heard cars passing on the nearby street, and knew he should get out of the public eye if he was determined to make-out with her. Which he was.

"Let's go back to my apartment," he muttered against her lips.

He felt her smile, and pulled back enough to verify her answer. Her blue eyes were smoky with desire, and he could feel her entire body vibrating beneath his hands.

"Let's go," she said huskily, then ducked out from between him and the truck to climb into it. She started the vehicle, listened to it rumble happily with all its new parts. Then she rolled down her window. "Better hurry up, or I'll start without you." Then she tore out of the parking lot, leaving J.D. scrambling to get into his own truck.

**She** beat him home, but only by a minute. By the time she parked and got the door open, he was right behind her, having parked in front of the building instead of the parking lot like she did. He grabbed her with one arm, went inside and slammed the door before slamming her up against it. She moaned as he pressed his mouth to hers, lifting a leg to hook it over his hip.

J.D. put both hands under her, lifting her so she was wrapped around him, then held her up by leaning his body into hers, leaving his hands free to massage and knead her breasts. Her head fell back against the door, and J.D. took the opportunity to press open-mouthed kisses along her jaw and neck.

"J.D...." she panted.

"Carly," he whispered.

A shiver went through her at the intensity of the need in his voice, but she had to get this out. "No, J.D., I have to tell you something."

"Whatever it is, honey, it can wait. 'Cuz I can't." He lifted her shirt and buried his face between her newly exposed breasts, driving her crazy.

"J.D.!"

He lifted his head at her sharp tone. "What is it, Carly?" His tone said he was a little annoyed and a lot horny.

She took a deep breath. "J.D., I haven't been with anyone-"

"Since your husband. I get it, baby. That's fine. That's great. That's a good thing." He started to lower his head, but Carly grabbed his face between both hands and forced him to look at her.

"J.D., I haven't been with anyone since you left."

He froze, even stopped breathing for a second as his eyes searched hers, checking for the truth. When she bit her lip nervously, he asked, "How is that possible?"

She shrugged. "It just... never happened."

"What about your husband?"

She inhaled, and then shook her head as she let the breath out slowly.

"Carly, you were married to the man for _five years_. How is it possible he didn't demand to exercise his marital rights?"

She looked away, feeling that this really wasn't the time to discuss it, but knowing it needed to be said. "Our marriage wasn't for love, J.D. Archie married me because he had no one else to leave his money to- no wife, no children- and he wanted me to have it for taking such good care of him. Getting married was the easiest way to do that without a big legal to-do over it if he died and just willed it to me. We lived together, and I cared for him, and him for me, but we never made love."

"Ever?"

She shook her head.

"Never ever?"

Again, she made a negative gesture.

"Not even before you were married, with a boyfriend or something?"

"Only you, J.D. Ever."

He let out a quiet breath. "Wow. Now I don't feel so strange."

She cocked her head to the side in curious interest. "What do you mean?"

He looked away, but Carly saw a flush of red splash across his cheeks. "I've only ever been with you, too, Carly." His eyes came back to hers, and it was clear he thought she would laugh at him.

But she only regarded him quietly before asking, "How did you manage that one?"

Now it was his turn to shrug uncomfortably. "I don't know. I devoted my life to the Marines. When the others went out to... relieve the pressure, I didn't go. Any kind of leave I had I came home, and being here only made me want you, but you were married so unavailable. It just didn't come up."

Now it was her turn to be surprised. "Wow," she said softly, copying him.

He rolled his eyes self-deprecatingly, and turned his face away.

Carly felt his hold on her loosening, so she tightened her limbs around him. "I have to tell you, J.D., I find that..." She could see he was expecting her to say something negative about him. But he was about to be disappointed. "Incredibly erotic."

His eyes came back to hers in a flash, searching. She hoped he saw what he wanted, what he needed, because she was about to explode.

Suddenly he went crazy, his mouth slamming down on hers, his hands seeking out the clasp on her jeans, then his own. When they were open, he pushed her legs down just long enough for both of them to step out of their pants and undergarments, then he lifted her by her waist and pinned her once again to the wall, this time entering her in one long, smooth stroke.

She cried out, almost coming apart right then. J.D. smoothed his hands over her breasts, around her sides, and up, hooking them over her shoulders to pull her down as he drove up. She moaned every time he moved, thrilling him with her responsiveness and driving him to the point of insanity. He knew he wouldn't last long- they were both practically virgins- but he was determined to make it good for her in the interim.

Carly felt her orgasm building immediately, and knew she wouldn't last very long. She'd been so long without a man- without _him_ \- she was surprised she hadn't shattered already. The familiar coiling began in her belly, spiraling downward until it focused on her center. She swirled her hips in time to his strokes, grinding against him as he thrust into her.

Suddenly she went blind, crying out loudly. "Oh, oh, Jackson! Yes!" she screamed, her body arching against his.

The combination of her calling his name and her body tightening around him shot him over, and he gripped her shoulders hard enough to bruise as he pulled her body flush with his. Groaning his satisfaction, he emptied completely, body, heart and mind.

Much as they had that first time so long ago, they stared at each other in awe as they came down, each of them wracked occasionally with aftershocks that pulled gasps from them. Then J.D. dropped his head, pressing his forehead to hers, and Carly felt her heart tip in her chest.

'Oh,' she thought, reaching up to stroke his gorgeous brown hair. 'I love him.' But she didn't want to say it, not yet. Not until she knew for sure how this was going to affect their relationship.

**They** moved to the couch, lying together under a blanket, still naked, neither wanting to end the romantic interlude. They were pressed chest to chest, thigh to thigh, with Carly's back against the couch so J.D. had an excuse to hold on to her and keep from falling.

One of his arms was under her head, the other draped over her waist so his fingers could draw lazy circles over her back. Both of Carly's hands were caught between them, resting firmly on his chest, occasionally sifting lightly through the sprinkling of hair there.

J.D. came in close, kissed her forehead and her nose, then her mouth, all so gentle Carly felt only that she was being cherished, loved.

"I missed you so much while I was gone," he murmured, brushing the hair from the side of her face.

She closed her eyes and let the warmth of his words wash over her, filling all the cold, empty spots he'd left behind when he'd left her. "I missed you, too, J.D."

He wanted to ask her if they could never be apart again, but he didn't know how she would feel about a question like that directly on the heels of their explosive lovemaking. Especially since he wasn't proposing marriage or anything. Not that he wouldn't, he thought, but he didn't want to jump head first into a serious relationship with her without getting to know who she'd become in the last decade. Who knew? Maybe they'd both changed so much that a relationship wouldn't work like it used to.

There was something he _could_ ask her, though, and feel relatively safe about the answer. "Carly, why didn't you ever sleep with anyone else?"

She opened her eyes and looked up at him. "I already told you."

"I know about your husband now, and the true nature of your marriage-" Which perversely pleased him to no end. "-but what about others?"

"Well, when I was in college, we were technically still together. Then I finished and got the job for Archie, which was around the clock. And then we were married, and it just didn't seem right. Regardless, I've never wanted anyone but you."

"But surely there was someone you were attracted to. Someone you wouldn't have minded scratching the itch with."

She thought about it, and only one person came to mind. But she hesitated in telling him that. They knew everyone for miles from their schooling, and she wondered how he'd take knowing she was sexually interested in someone he knew personally. Very personally.

"Well... Really there wasn't anyone I was _that_ attracted to, except..."

He waited, but when she didn't answer right away, he said, "Well? Who was it?"

She took a deep breath. If they were going to do this thing, she didn't want there to be any lies between them. "It's Micah."

He went stone hard against her, and she watched in fascination as his eyes darkened to nearly black. "Micah?"

She nodded. "Only he could have remotely sparked that interest." Who knew?, she thought as he digested that. Maybe a little jealousy would work in her favor.

"You always did have a thing for him, back in high school," he said quietly.

She nodded. "Until that party at Lisa Castle's house where we all played 'Seven Minutes In Heaven', and you kissed me in the closet like you couldn't stand to be separated from me ever again." Her eyes lit as his did, remembering how that first kiss had started something that still raged between them today.

"It surprised me, too, believe me. All that time, since second grade when I realized girls didn't really have cooties, you were my best friend. And then that damn game, and I thought, 'What the hell? She's my best friend. What harm could one kiss do?' How was I to know that as soon as I touched your lips with mine, my brain would explode?"

She smiled and felt him relax against her. But she decided she wanted to see him a little jealous. Micah could handle J.D. if he got it into his head to do something about it. So she said coyly, "I actually wished I was going into that closet with Micah that night, right up until you kissed me." She made her eyes go dreamy, as if she still thought about the sheriff that way from time to time.

J.D.'s face hardened once again, and he regarded her seriously. "Why would you say something like that?"

Carly brought her gaze back to him. "Well, how do you feel about it?"

"Like I want to go plow my bare fist into the face of one of my oldest friends," he snarled.

She sent him a wicked grin. "That's why I said it."

J.D.'s mouth dropped open. She'd been purposely trying to make him jealous. And he'd let her, walking right into it. Deciding to pay her back, he growled and rolled her under him, sliding easily inside her.

"Oh, Jackson," she sighed with a smile.

**Though** he now knew Carly had been messing with him the day before, he couldn't help the agitation he felt about her feelings for Micah. And he wondered if Micah returned those feelings, and if he did, why he'd never acted on them. Unable to let it go, J.D. used his lunch break at the firehouse to go next door to see Micah at the police station.

When he walked in he saw Micah leaning on the desk of one of the dispatchers, laughing and flirting with her. J.D. scowled; did the man flirt with every breathing female? Micah looked up and saw him, his face going stone serious when he saw the look on J.D.'s. Clearly, he assumed something was wrong.

Micah walked over to him. "What's up, J.D.?"

"Can we talk?" He needed room to prowl, and Micah's little office wouldn't cut it. "Outside, maybe?"

Micah gave him an odd look, but nodded. "Sure, pal." He followed J.D. out and around to the parking lot. It was essentially empty but for the dispatcher's sedan and Micah's SUV. "What's going on?" Micah asked when they'd reached the back of the lot and stopped walking.

The obvious concern in his voice had J.D. feeling a little like a creep for acting this way, but he had to know if he had any real competition where Carly was concerned.

When J.D. didn't respond right away, Micah got a scared look in his eyes and asked, "Is it Carly? Is she alright?"

Why would Micah assume something was wrong with Carly? And if there was something wrong, didn't he think J.D. would be rushing to tell him, instead of hesitating? J.D. fought the sneer that wanted to jump onto his face. "She's fine. She's great, actually."

Relaxing, Micah grinned mischievously. "I'll bet."

J.D. took in the knowing light in Micah's eyes, the leering grin, and wanted to punch him all over again. "Micah, how come you never went for her?" He hadn't meant to blurt it out like that, but there it was.

Micah obviously thought he was joking. "Why? Did she say something about me?"

J.D. sent him a look that should have made him bleed.

Seeing J.D. was serious, Micah rolled his eyes. "Come on, dude! It was obvious she had a thing for you. She drove your truck around for ten years, for God's sake. No man wants to try to replace a dream."

J.D. was surprised he put it that way. "She said you could have."

Now it was Micah's turn to be surprised. "She said that?" When J.D. nodded, Micah grinned and rubbed his thumb and forefinger over his chin. "If I'd know that-"

J.D.'s eyes went deadly, and he took a threatening step closer. "Stay away from her."

Micah laughed and lifted his hands palms out. "Easy, pal. She's off-limits. I get it."

J.D. felt like a fool for threatening a man he'd known all his life, so turned without a word to go back to work. Behind him, Micah called his name. Though he wasn't willing to see the smug look on Micah's face, he felt bad enough to turn around anyway.

Micah's face wasn't smug or arrogant. He looked more like a man who understood what J.D. was feeling. "Just so you know, she always has been off-limits, because of you."

With a grateful nod, J.D. went back to the firehouse.

**Admittedly** , J.D. felt better after his conversation with Micah. He also felt worse. What kind of man was he, he wondered as he drove the short distance home, that he would go after a close friend over a woman? _A man in love_ , came the immediate answer. And he definitely was that. He loved Carly now as much as he ever had when he was a teenager. Possibly more, as his feelings were now as mature as he.

He parked his truck and got out, walking quickly through the cold night to the warmth of the building. He couldn't hide his excitement over the fact that just inside, Carly waited for him, hopefully with dinner going so they could share a meal, and he was glad he was alone as he bounded up the stairs.

Composing himself, he opened the door and walked in, instantly seeing her in the kitchen frying something in a pan on the stove. She turned when she heard him, giving him a sweet smile before turning back to her cooking.

"Making steaks?" he asked hopefully, removing his coat and hanging it over a chair.

"Chicken," she said.

"Chicken?" He pulled a face that she didn't see; he'd much prefer steaks.

"Boneless and skinless."

He stuck out his tongue as if even her words tasted disgusting. When he turned his eyes back to her, she was looking at him over her shoulder, one brow lifted.

"It's good for you. Better than steaks. You'll like it."

When she turned away from him, he snuck up behind her and put his hands on her hips. He didn't pull her back, and she didn't lean into him, but continued concentrating on her task. But he leaned down, pressed a kiss to the side of her neck beneath her ear, and smiled when he felt her shiver.

"I can think of something I like much better, and it's good for both of us."

Carly didn't say anything, and he assumed she was going to ignore him. She reached up and turned off the burner, then moved the pan to a cool one. Before he could blink, she'd turned in his arms, and he saw the button-down shirt she was wearing was open... And she wasn't wearing a bra.

Her beautiful breasts thrust proudly from between the undone lapels of her shirt, and he realized she'd planned this all out, timing it perfectly. His hands molded her breasts, her head falling back.

"What about the chicken?" he asked quietly.

"It'll still be there when we're done," she said as he lifted her into his arms.

**The** following morning J.D. woke to her climbing on top of him. He blinked his eyes open, squinting against the glare of sunlight as it streamed through his half-open blinds. He could feel Carly, sitting atop him, but he couldn't see her very well. He shifted his head around, trying to get his eyes out of the light, but the beam seemed to be everywhere.

Suddenly, her face appeared directly in front of him, and she was smiling just as brightly as the sun. "Good morning," she whispered before kissing him softly, barely brushing her lips over his.

J.D. smiled sleepily, not minding in the least that she woke him early. "I have to get ready for work soon," he said.

"I guess we'd better hurry then," she said, then lifted her hips and took him inside her.

Once again, J.D. was blind to her, but he could feel her astride him, rocking them both to glory. He lifted his hands, smoothed them over her body until he found her bare breasts and fondled.

It was like making love to an angel. Her skin was so soft, her moans so sweet, and all he could see were golden glimpses of her face when she rocked forward, surrounded by white blonde clouds of her gorgeous hair, and rare sky blue glints of her eyes.

His muscles tightened as he neared climax, his breath catching in his lungs as she rode them both to completion. The sounds she made, the moans and pants, told him she was close. Sliding one hand down, he found her center and rubbed his thumb over her clitoris.

She cried out at the contact, her hips picking up pace and swirling madly, driving him deeper and deeper inside until he swore he touched her soul. She certainly had his.

Suddenly she tensed, held him deep inside her as he lifted his hips to plunge, and came apart, breath shuddering out of her as she clenched around him. Moments later, he followed her over, his back arching in pleasure.

Carly collapsed on his chest, her breath heaving in and out of her lungs. J.D. couldn't fight the huge grin that split his face as he brushed her hair from hers, tucking it behind her ear. She tilted her head just slightly, just enough that he could see her eyes. She looked satisfied, and that made him even happier.

"What are you grinning at?" she asked, laughter lacing her voice.

He shook his head slowly on his pillow. "I just... feel really good right now."

In fact, in light of what had just happened, yesterday with Micah seemed silly. Despite himself, he burst out laughing.

"What is it?" she asked, grinning, too.

He wasn't sure he should tell her, but didn't like the idea of lying. "I... talked to Micah yesterday. And now, after this, the conversation seems so ridiculous..." He shrugged.

She lifted a brow. "What did you talk about that was so ridiculous?"

"You."

She put her forearm on his chest and levered herself up. "What about me?" She still had a smile on her face, but it was slowly dissipating.

"I asked him why he never made a move on you. He said it was because you were hung up on me, driving my truck and all that, that you didn't seem available. I told him how you said he would have been the only one to interest you. Then when he showed interest, I threatened him."

Carly stared at him, all traces of her smile gone. "Are you nuts? He never knew how I felt about him. How could you tell him that?"

Too late, J.D. realized he probably shouldn't have told, Micah _or_ her. "I was upset about it, Carly, thinking you were interested in another man. But it doesn't matter. We're together now, and I realize it was stupid."

She jumped off him and grabbed the clothes he'd discarded on his bedroom floor the night before. "Yes, it _was_ stupid. Especially since now you have something else to be upset about." She stormed out of the room, slamming his bedroom door behind her.

J.D. sat up, wondering what the hell had happened that his perfect sexual encounter with the angel could be so completely destroyed. He put his feet on the floor, intending to follow her, then glanced at the clock.

Damn! He barely had time to get ready for work before he had to leave. He couldn't risk being late, not when he'd held the position of chief for less than three months. He had to be there. Unfortunately, Carly would have to wait.

**Carly** sat on her bed, so mad she could spit nails, listening to J.D. run around the apartment getting ready for work. She smiled darkly because she'd made him late, then scowled when she recalled how.

Their lovemaking had been amazing. Watching his face bathed in sunlight, knowing he couldn't really see her, and the way he'd touched her... She shook as a satisfied chill swept through her.

So he'd told Micah how she felt about him. It didn't matter anyway, now that they were together, like he said. Had never really mattered at all, because just like Micah had told J.D., she'd pined for him the whole time he was gone, and hadn't even had the good sense to hide it. It wasn't as if Micah had told J.D. anything he didn't already know, either.

So what the hell was she so mad about? She should go give J.D. a kiss goodbye, wish him a good day, maybe slip in that she loved him before she shoved him out the door. Give him something to think about while she was here alone all day, thinking about the same thing.

She stood, planning to go out into the living room to catch him before he left, when she heard the front door slam. It echoed through the mostly empty apartment like a shot to her heart. He hadn't even said goodbye, she thought sadly, sitting roughly on the bed.

She let the pain roll through her, turning swiftly back to anger. The bastard hadn't even said goodbye, after the lovemaking they'd shared, and the realization she'd come to? Well, he didn't know about that last part, but that was beside the point. Where the hell did he get off?

Standing again, she dressed quickly, needing to clean something. She always cleaned when she was mad. Or sad, or upset, or irritated. On the flip side, her home was typically spotless. Which J.D.'s would be, by the time she was done with it.

Over the next couple hours, she cleaned everything, dusting, vacuuming, even cleaning the inside of the oven. By the time she'd finished, the whole apartment was immaculate, save one room.

J.D.'s bedroom.

She stood outside the door, contemplating going in. He'd told her he didn't want her going in there, and she suspected it was because he didn't want her finding something he had hidden. Like porn, or dirty magazines, she thought with a scowl.

Well, too bad. She'd slept in his bed, she could clean his room.

With a fortifying breath, she went in.

It took her nearly an hour to find what he had hidden, but when she did, there was no doubt in her mind that the contents of the box in her hands were something he'd meant for his eyes only.

**J.D.** trudged up the stairs, not looking forward to hashing it out with Carly, especially after he'd walked out this morning without saying goodbye. In a woman's world, that was tantamount to declaring war. With a sigh, he opened the door.

He'd expected her to be making dinner, or maybe watching TV, waiting somewhere where she'd see him the second he came home. But he couldn't see her, and when he listened, he couldn't hear her, either. Mild panic clutched at his chest.

Maybe she'd gone, he thought. Maybe she'd been so angry that she'd left. But where would she go?, he wondered. And why would she clean his home first?, he asked himself with mounting confusion as he looked around the super-clean apartment. She wouldn't. She had to be here somewhere.

Maybe she was taking a nap. Grasping desperately at the logic of that, he dropped his coat on the floor as he hurried toward the hall. He passed his room, not even pausing to wonder why the light was on, until he saw something out of his peripheral vision. Stopping, he backtracked a few steps and turned his head to look at his bed.

His heart caught in his chest when he saw Carly sitting on the bed, her back against the wall, surrounded by pictures. On her lap was the box he kept them in, the one he'd had hidden at the very back of his closet, covered by a heap of clothes he didn't wear anymore. She had tears streaming down her face.

He must have made some sound of distress, a groan or gasp, because she looked up at him as if she hadn't expected him to return, and was so glad that he had.

"You lied," she said her voice hoarse from disuse and crying.

He had no idea what to say. "Uh..."

"You said you got over it, over me, but you didn't. You couldn't have. Not if you carried these around with you all this time." She filled her hands with dozens of pictures of herself, some with him, some with friends, some by herself, and a very few rare ones where she was topless or nude.

He still couldn't think of anything to say. "Eh..."

She scooted off the bed, careful not to push any of the pictures onto the floor. "J.D., why did you lie?"

Say something, idiot!, he screamed at himself. In his desperation, he told the truth. "Well, I, uh, I lied because I thought that was what you wanted."

"What?!"

"Well, you just seemed so... reluctant to get into a relationship with me. And I didn't want to scare you off before I had a chance to convince you to give us a try by being too clingy, so I downplayed my feelings."

She nodded once, digesting this. "And what are your real feelings?"

He sighed, came into the room to stand a foot away from her, knowing it was time to fess up. "I never got over it. I never got over you. I thought I did; I told myself I did because you'd married someone else." He shrugged. "But seeing you again, being with you again, just brought it all back. So I don't care anymore that you were married. I get it. All I care about is you, Carly. Just you. I love you."

Her hands came up to cover her mouth, and fresh tears sprang into her eyes. "I didn't want you to lie to me, J.D. I wanted you. I always have." She laughed when he pulled her towards him and into his arms, lifting her off the floor to squeeze her. She wrapped her arms around his neck and buried her fingers in his hair. "I love you, J.D. Never leave me again."

He shook his head. "Never. There's nowhere else I want to be, Carly. I promise you that." He kissed her, then touched his forehead to hers, melting her heart all over again. "Will you marry me, Carly?"

She gasped and pulled back to look into his brown eyes, then closed her lids happily as more tears fell down her face. "Yes, J.D. Yes, I'll marry you."

He held her tight and kissed her, then smiled down at her. "Hey, call my Jackson."

