- (backwards yelling)
(tape recorder rewinding)
Shut up!!!
Dude, do you think you can help out a little bit? The news is coming over here to interview me.
- Oh, for your stupid internet show where you talk to the camera like an idiot?
- (sighs)
It's not stupid, and just help out a little bit. I don't want them to think we're slobs.
- We aren't slobs.
- Is your house so full of trash that you've passed out from the smell of old rotting food?
- Yes.
- Have you ever wanted a slave to do all your cleaning for you?
- No?
- Yes.
- Well, you're in luck, you lazy fatso. Now you could get your own personal robot slave to do everything for you.
All you have to do is give it a command phrase and say it after the command. I made mine
"dingleberry." Since it's not a real human, you could do anything you want to it.
You can even make it drive you places, but you
probably shouldn't do that if you get an Asian robot.
Wow, that was really f--king racist.
- I can't believe you actually bought one of these creepy things.
(angelic music)
(whir)
- Personal robot slave awaiting your command.
- Hey, she's kind of hot.
- What is your command phrase?
- Biatch.
- You seriously think that'll work?
- Clean up the house, biatch.
(whirring)
Wash my car, biatch!
Go in the kitchen and make me a sammich, biatch!
Give me a cool new haircut, biatch.
- Change my diaper, biatch!
Oh. (nervous chuckle)
I was just joking. Cancel that, biatch. Um, I gotta go do my show now.
(rustling sound with each step)
- Has anyone ever told you how beautiful you are?
- Does not compute.
- Make us a romantic dinner, biatch.
- What's happening, internet? Anthony can be such a gullible dick sometimes.
I was just testing the robot to see if it would do something random like change a diaper, and
Anthony comes in, and he's like, WTF? I don't actually wear a diaper.
That would be gross and expensive, kind of like Heidi Montag's boobs.
(cash register rings)
Well, that's all for today, internet. See you guys next time.
- Isn't this romantic?
- Does not compute.
- Aren't you gonna eat?
- Does not compute.
- Put the food to your mouth, biatch.
(whir, munching)
- What the hell is going on here?
(dramatic riff, Ian screams)
What the hell? What's the deal with that guy? First, he called that robot creepy, and now he's trying to f--k her?
And what's with that
potato face?
- (deep voice) Come here for some lovin', bitch.
- Bleh!! Don't worry, internet.
I got a plan to end this. I'm gonna take the robot out of the picture and teach Anthony a lesson.
Can you just go in the closet, biatch?
(robot voice) Oh, Anthony over here.
- Oh, hey, so where do you want to go for our date?
- I can't be with you anymore.
- Why?
- Because I'm in love with someone else.
- Really?
- His name is Ian. He is super hot and muscular, and he has a gigantic...
processor.
- But I was gonna ask you--
- If you love me, you'll let me go.
- (holding back tears) Okay.
(chokes up)
At least give me a goodbye kiss, biatch.
- No, no goodbye kiss.
(slow-mo groaning)
- Why are you faking to be the robot?
- Look, there's plenty of real girls to obsess over.
There's no point in wasting your time with some hunk of metal with exceptional breasteses.
- Yeah.
Why are you wearing lipstick if you weren't planning to show me your face?
- If I can't have you, no one can.
- We'll see about that, biatch! Get her!
- Three, two, one!
Fight!
- Yeah! Go! Go! Go!
(gasps) No. (loud punching)
Crouch and kick, Anthony!
Yah! Kick her ass!
Yeah! FINISH
HER!
- Shoryuken!
(taunting giggles)
- You win.
- You have defeated me, but you are a cheater, and you have gay hair.
- Nice job, dude.
- Yeah, I think we learned a valuable lesson here today.
- What's that?
- Always be yourself.
- Yeah.
Always be yourself? More like, always pee yourself.
Heh.
Not! The only time that I peed myself was when I saw Amy Winehouse without makeup.
(man groans)
Alright, internet. I'll see you later.
- Wow, really? I mean, come on.
What, you think no one would see that? Unless this is some kind of weird German porn, nobody wants to see him piss himself.
(dramatic echo)
- ♪ Stalkin' your mom, stalk, stalk, stalk ♪
- To see bloopers from this video and other sexy things, click the link below!
- Nah.
- Make sure you subscribe,
biatch. Oh, wait. You're not a robot. Well, do it anyway, biatch!
