 
# Juliet Chronicles

## Book One

## Cristin Cooper

## Edited by Nichole Strauss
Juliet Chronicles Book One

Copyright © 2017 by Cristin Cooper

All rights reserved.

No part of this book may be reproduced in any form or by any electronic or mechanical means, including information storage and retrieval systems, without written permission from the author, except for the use of brief quotations in a book review.

  Created with Vellum
To all the survivors.

# Contents

1. New Year's Eve

2. January 1st

3. Later on January 1st

4. January 3rd

5. Later on January 3rd

6. January 4th

7. January 6th

8. January 7th

9. January 9th

10. January 13th

11. January 15th

12. January 18th

13. January 19th

14. January 21st

15. January 25th

16. January 30th

17. January 31st

Acknowledgments

Free Book

About the Author

Also By Cristin Cooper
1

# New Year's Eve

Shivers ran down my spine as we stepped into the ballroom of Fox Mansion. I was still unsure if the feeling came from the thrill or dread of being there.

Money and influence dominated the room with its power. Sexual energy vibrated through the space. The sight and sounds of writhing bodies overwhelmed even me––a professional.

Smith's firm but warm hand guided me through the room. His familiar scent easing the anxiety that gripped my chest every time we came here. I focused my attention on the twinkling lights dangling from the ceiling, the sound of tinkling glasses and laughter.

My life revolved around sex but there was something about Fox Mansion that never felt right. It wasn't the exclusive sex club hidden behind a well-known name that caused tension. But something else . . . something I couldn't put my finger on.

I glanced at Smith whose sharp blue eyes scanned the room as if he were looking for someone in particular. The fit of his tux emphasized his tall, lean form. His blond hair slicked back added to his sexiness. Standing with his body tense and a neutral expression on his face, he radiated control and I liked that about him.

The first Saturday of each month Smith brought me here. We spent the first hour mingling with the many high-profile people with enough money to afford this place and the next few hours alone in one of the sex rooms.

This evening felt different. Maybe it was because it was New Year's Eve and not our usual night but Smith seemed more tense than usual, which said something. Though Smith had been my client for a few years, he didn't relax or let loose. Everything he did was calculated. I suspected it was why he hired me. A call girl, prostitute, paid escort or whatever you want to call me. I didn't ask questions or make demands. I did what he hired me to do.

Smith guided us to a corner of the room where we had a better view of our surroundings. My face heated at all the erotic scenes playing out in front of me. Stages were set up around the room with either couples or groups having sex.

A lump formed in my stomach as I found myself getting wet. I hated it here but I hated my response more. People did things here that reminded me of my past and I tried to keep those memories where they belonged.

That feeling in my gut was the very reason I usually met my clients in the privacy of my condo. I didn't want the influence of others or enjoy putting on a show for anyone but who I was with.

"Let me take that," Smith offered as he helped me out of my coat.

When I slipped out of it, Smith sucked in a breath. I didn't dare look at him to see his reaction. Though I wore more than some in the room, it was less than I cared to wear in public. My lacy pink bra emphasized my 34 D's and my thong left very little to the imagination. I smiled when I noticed how my matching four-inch heels sparkled under the twinkling lights.

"I'll be right back." Smith's gravelly voice only made me wetter. I knew I shouldn't have warn this lingerie set. There was no way to hide the wet spot on my panties. That wasn't something I had considered when I picked it out. I just loved the way it looked on me.

As Smith moved through the room toward the coat check, people moved out of his way as if he were parting the Red Sea. The confident way he moved commanded attention and he received it. Women's eyes followed him and I understood their lust-filled gazes.

To my relief, he avoided women who came on to him and seemed agitated when they requested to join him in a private room. It gave me pleasure knowing he paid me a small fortune to be here with him. Especially when, with a snap of a finger, he could have any woman here for free.

Once alone, I took a glass of champagne from a passing server and sipped on it as I attempted to calm my racing heart. Smith didn't often leave me alone when we came here and at the moment I felt especially exposed. Usually, I wore dresses on our nights here but the New Year's Eve party had a strict dress code. Women in lingerie or less and men in tuxes.

When Smith and I negotiated going to Fox Mansion once a month, he promised to never make me do anything I didn't want to. He stuck to that promise, never wavering. In fact, it surprised me when he never requested more than sex in a private room. He didn't even want to try some of the rooms with toys.

Watching Smith across the room, I wondered why he was set on coming here. He didn't seem to enjoy it.

While here, I played the part of a submissive. A request he made when we agreed to come here. In public, he touched and kissed me, rarely taking his hands off me. But what surprised me was once alone in one of the private rooms, we were once again Juliet and Smith. He barely looked me in the eye. I never questioned his reasoning. That wasn't what he paid me for.

Smith stood several feet away speaking to a group of men. I recognized two state officials and a famous basketball player. When he glanced at me with his brows pulled in tight, he mouthed, "You okay?" I raised my glass and gave him a smile.

As I exchanged my empty glass of champagne for another, a beautiful blonde approached. She wore bright red heels and a matching collar with a chain held by a surprisingly young man. Younger than the regular members here. If I had to guess I would say he was early twenties but with his slight baby face I could be wrong.

He loosened his grip on the chain and nodded his head toward me, directing the naked woman to approach me. They had to be new because Smith had made it clear to the regulars that he didn't share me.

Once again, my gut clenched. Because I agreed to play a submissive role at Fox, I couldn't speak without permission. I couldn't say no. I glanced over at Smith willing him with my eyes to save me but he had his back to me and appeared to be in a heated discussion.

It wasn't the beautiful blonde I had issue with but the man behind her. I hadn't always been able to distinguish the creeps from the good guys but he didn't hide his smirk. I recognized the way his eyes looked me up and down but as the blonde approached she drew my attention.

_Were her breasts shimmering?_

And were those marks on her wrists and around her neck? My best friend Sam protected me from predators like him but she wasn't here and Smith wasn't paying attention.

The blonde rubbed her large breasts against my arm while sliding one hand down my back to grope my ass. I wanted to push her hand away or ask her not to touch me, but I wouldn't risk Smith getting kicked out because of my behavior. So I gave her a flirty smile and played my part.

The man lifted one side of his mouth when the blonde looked to him for reassurance. That was his way of telling her to proceed. Being several inches taller than me, even with my high heels, she looked down at me and licked her lips.

Sliding her other hand across my stomach, she dragged her long fingernails up the center of my body until she reached my lacy bra. My nipples pebbled at her touch and I noticed the man adjust himself as he watched.

I sucked in a breath as she traced the top of my breasts with her nails then with her tongue she licked my neck leaving a trail of red lipstick. My heart raced as she kissed her way down until she reached the top of my breasts.

With half-lidded eyes, she smiled before looking at her master again. His mouth turned into a grin that made chills run down my spine. She licked her parted lips as she looked at me, and as she leaned in to kiss my lips, I felt a familiar hand grip my hip.

A sigh of relief escaped my lips. _Smith_. The woman sucked in a breath and I followed her eyes to see the fierce scowl on Smith's face. With just a look, he made it clear he wasn't interested.

This was why I trusted Smith more than any of my other clients, past and present. I knew I was safe with him.

Smith pulled me tight against his side and the woman finally let go of her hold on me. Smith shook his head glaring at the man, "She's mine. No touching."

The man's cold smile fell from his face as the woman placed her hands on her hips pushing her firm breasts out.

Her lips formed a pout enhanced by Botox. The man yanked on her chain and angrily pulled her away from us. I watched her walk away, her hips swaying back and forth. I couldn't help admire what a great ass she had and I might have been a little jealous. Mine was a bit more . . . bubbly than I'd like but then again, nobody had complained yet.

The blonde glanced over her shoulder and bit her lower lip in a seductive manner. She was beautiful, I wasn't blind, but relieved Smith didn't like to share. He wouldn't be my client otherwise and I liked him being my client.

I looked up at Smith expecting him to be watching the blonde walk away but he wasn't looking at her. He was staring at me. His eyes took me in from head to toe before his eyebrows turned in. He made a slight huffing noise as he took his handkerchief and wiped the lipstick off my neck and the top of my breasts.

With a barely contained whisper, he said, "I don't like anyone else kissing you when we're together." Before I could speak, he held up a hand. "I know I'm not your only client. I can handle that, but I won't share you with these people."

As I opened my mouth to apologize, he leaned down and placed a possessive kiss on my lips that made me crazy with desire. Running his hands through my hair, he gripped the back of my neck making it impossible for me to pull away. Not that I wanted to.

His other hand slid down from my waist to my ass and he pulled me tight against him. This unexpected possessive need for me made me dizzy with lust. I moaned against his mouth when I felt his hard cock against my stomach.

I needed him to take us to a private room.

_Now._

When he leaned his forehead against mine, I tried to catch my breath. His hold on my hips tightened and he pulled me hard against his chest.

Since I was nearly naked, I felt his heat through his tux. Smith's intense blue eyes looked deeply into mine. He leaned down and placed a light kiss on my lips just as everyone began counting down. We stood still as the room grew louder. As shouts erupted and balloons fell from the ceiling, his lips graced my ear sending shivers down my spine. "Happy New Year, Juliet."

At the end of our evening, or morning, Smith parked his Escalade in front of what I jokingly called my office but was really a condo I used with my clients.

The place I called home was a tiny apartment about a mile away. The condo was too . . . sophisticated for me and I enjoyed having a space that was just mine.

When I first met Smith, his silence had been intimidating. I had attempted to make conversation with him but learned quickly he didn't want to talk. Soon after, I appreciated our quiet moments together. But tonight's silence felt heavy and I worried I had done something wrong. The sex was good and just the way he liked it but he never relaxed.

Taking Smith's offered arm, he walked me into the building then thanked me for the evening. Before he let me go he turned to face me. His eyes staring into mine with an intensity that made my stomach clench. "When we are at Fox Mansion, you are mine, Juliet. I promise to never leave you alone there again." It was a promise as much as it was an apology. I knew from the moment we met that I would be safe with him. Those words only confirmed it.

He turned to leave. No goodbye kiss, as usual.

"I'll see you Saturday?" I asked to confirm.

"Yes." His no nonsense answer put a smile on my face.

"Fox again?" He nodded but didn't look particularly pleased about going back. It wasn't my favorite place either.

Instead of going upstairs to the condo to shower and change, I decided to go straight home. It was late . . . or early, and all I wanted to do was take a hot shower then go directly to bed.

I waited for Smith to pull his vehicle away from the curb before I stepped back outside and walked home. It wasn't the safest option, but the exercise and the brisk air helped relax me.
2

# January 1st

"Do you ever get the feeling someone is watching you?" a voice whispered in my ear.

Shooting out of bed, I braced a hand over my racing heart while trying to pry my exhausted eyes open.

Lying on my bed grinning ear to ear was my best friend since as far back as I could remember.

Sam's chuckle grated on my nerves. I hadn't even had coffee yet so there was no way I could handle her good mood this early. "Samantha Renee," I growled. "You scared the crap out of me!"

Sam concealed her laughter behind her hand while rolling off my bed. She had way too much energy for the morning after New Year's Eve.

"Don't call me Samantha." She pointed her finger at me with beady eyes. "I thought we were getting waffles today."

I fell back into bed, my fist still clenching at my chest, confident I lost at least ten years off my life. Tucking the pillow under my head, I yawned. "What time is it?"

"Just after ten, sleepyhead. Get up, I'm starving!" Sam bounced on the bed risking her life. I had never been a morning person and she knew it.

"Too early," I mumbled into my pillow.

Sam rolled over until she was inches from me. "I repeat. I'm starving. You wouldn't make me wait, would you?"

I lifted my head, my eyes open into slits. "Yes. Yes, I would. I didn't get home until four. I need more sleep."

"No. You need to eat." Sam swatted my butt then pushed me out of the bed and directed me toward the bathroom. "Now that the New Year's Eve party is over you can finally eat carbs."

My stomach growled realizing she was right. Carbs were a good excuse to get out of bed especially since I hadn't had any for weeks. Not wanting to look chubby in my undies in a room full of people had been my only motivation to quit the love of my life. But now I could eat! "I forgive you for waking me up. This time."

Sam grinned then shoved me into the bathroom and closed the door behind me. "By the way, I fed your cat. Mr. Knightly acted like you've been starving him."

Before turning on the shower I shouted through the door, "He always acts like that. Don't fall for it." She might have said something about my cat being exactly like me.

"Take a breath, Juliet. Nobody is going to steal your food." That hadn't always been the case but I wasn't about to bring that up. I had carbs to eat. "Did you really need waffles and pancakes with your bacon?"

I dead stared her until she got the hint. Of course I needed both. She didn't understand my love of all things starchy. It was my Achilles heel. One of the few things that always brought me comfort.

Sam stared at me with wide eyes and the fork half way to her mouth. "Good grief, Juliet. How long has it been?"

"Twenty-one days." I deserved a medal.

"Just so the teeny tiny bit of chub on your stomach wouldn't show?"

I lifted my fork dripping with syrup and pointed it at her. "First of all, I wish it was teeny tiny and second of all, yes." I sighed. "The guys seem to like the little roll I carry around my middle. But being in a room full of beautiful naked and mostly naked people is intimidating. I feel every single extra pound I carry around when I'm at Fox." I patted my stomach. "Though I don't think I'll ever get rid of this." I pinched my stomach hating and loving it.

Hating it because who liked having rolls when wearing tight fitting clothes. But I also loved it because it meant I wasn't going hungry.

"Pfft." Sam rolled her eyes. She didn't understand. Sam liked girls of all sizes, shapes and colors. She also didn't have to stand in a room with tall gorgeous women with perfect bodies. Most who had been sculpted under the knife. "You don't go this crazy on the regular Saturday's you're at the club," she pointed out.

"Because I usually wear a dress. Last night was all about lingerie," or the lack of it as I thought about the woman who came up to me last night. "Speaking of, you would have loved it there." Sam dropped her fork and leaned in. "Tell. Me. Everything."

Covering my mouth so she wasn't forced to see my chewed up food, I asked, "Aren't you going to brag about your hot date last night?"

Sam grimaced. "It bombed," she said with a huff. "Now back to you. I need all the juicy details."

I took my time to describe the blonde— in detail. I thought Sam's eyes would roll to the back of her head. "And you didn't hit that?" I shook my head and sighed at her ridiculousness.

"I was with Smith and he doesn't share." None of my clients did. It was part of the agreement. Plus, I didn't trust women.

I glanced over at Sam who had always been the exception but I wasn't so sure she liked being female. Sam had always been petite, skinny, no boobs. The only feminine part of her had been her long flowing blonde hair that had a natural wave. I had always been jealous of her until the day we ran away and she took sheers and shaved it all off.

Now she kept her buzz cut covered with a baseball cap. And her thin frame hidden beneath baggy basketball shorts and T-shirts or jerseys. The happiest I had ever seen her was the first time someone called her 'dude'.

"Man. You're killing me, Jules. Next time take pictures. I've been going through a dry spell."

It was my turn to "Pfft". Dry spell for Sam was a few weeks. She didn't like being alone and had been a serial dater. Not that I would ever judge. I got paid to have sex multiple times a week. I wasn't sure what I would do if I didn't get regular physical interaction.

Sam grew quiet as I kept stuffing my face. I was just about to say something when she said, "Jules?" I looked up with my mouth full of tasty waffle and syrup.

"Hmm?"

"I hate to bring it up again but . . ."

I shrugged and shoved another piece of waffle into my mouth so I didn't have to talk about it.

She pointed at me with squinty eyes knowing exactly what I was doing. "This is why I made that appointment for you."

I raised by brows faking ignorance. I hoped she had forgotten so I could pretend I didn't remember and skip out.

"You're still going to go see Dr. Thomas?"

I grumbled then took a large gulp of milk to help wash down my latest bite. "I said I would but I don't see the point."

"You don't?"

"What?" I stared at her. "I'm not nuts."

"Neither am I."

I raised my brows. "That's debatable."

Sam threw her used napkin at me and mumbled "bitch" under her breath. "She's helping me deal with all that crap we went through."

I pushed my empty plate away and leaned back against the bench. "Sam, I didn't even go through what you did." Memories flashed through my mind of some of the things I witnessed.

Chills ran down my spine.

"You were the one who . . . I didn't . . . that didn't happen to me. I'm all right."

Shaking her head, Sam stared out the window next to our table looking lost in thought. "What about the things you almost had to do." Sam's hands clenched and she turned to look at me. "Your mom was fucked up, Juliet. What she did . . . what she let happen isn't normal. What we experienced wasn't normal. Our fucked-up beliefs in relationships aren't healthy. You might not have had to do what I did but you still saw a lot of shitty stuff that messed with your brain."

I rolled my eyes, "Whatever." She didn't tell me anything I didn't know and spilling my guts to someone wasn't going to magically make me forget my past. I also couldn't see how it would make me want to have a 'normal' relationship with a man either.

"Juliet? You're a fucking prostitute."

I dead stared her, hating the way the words sounded. It wasn't like I sat on the corner giving guys head for twenty dollars a pop. There were enough people in the world who would look down on me for what I did for a living. I needed her to be on my side.

"I didn't mean it like that and you know I'm not judging you." I raised my brows in question because it sounded judgmental to me. "I want us both to have a better life and get over our pasts. I want you to have a life where people aren't paying you to fuck them. That's all." She sighed. "Actually, that isn't all. I want us to fall in love with cool people someday. Maybe have a normal life with a house and a picket fence or some other happily ever after shit."

"We'll never be normal, Sam." I swallowed the knot forming in my throat. I knew how bad we both wanted normal but I don't think we would know what to do with it if we did. "Going to see a psychiatrist is pointless. She won't be able to fix what is broken."

"Go one time. I'm paying for it so you are only out an hour of your life."

I huffed knowing I wouldn't be able to get out of it. The first time she asked me, she had gotten a few drinks into me. She had also stuffed me with nachos—extra guacamole, my weakness. That was the only way I would have agreed to go.

Sam pleaded with me with her sad eyes and pouty lips. "Just once. I will never ask you to do anything ever again."

"Liar."

"True, but go. For me. Your best friend. The person who saved you from your mother." She pleaded with her eyes and her hands fisted as if she were about to pray.

I hated it when she went there. "Fine." Her smile made me nervous. What did I agree to? "I hate you."

"I know. But you also love me and couldn't live without me."

_Damn it._

She was right.

I threw my napkin at her then grabbed her french toast with my fork. Her eyes widened. "Where the fuck do you put all that food?"

"No carbs for twenty-one days," I reminded her with a full mouth. "I almost withered away." Not true. I could live off my butt fat for a few weeks at least.

"You are scary similar to your cat."

I licked the syrup off my fingers and leaned back with a groan. I would be rolling myself out of the waffle house today. But so worth it. "It's why Mr. Knightly and I get along." He adopted me the day I moved into my apartment six years ago. I suspected he had belonged to the previous owners and not concerned who took care of him as long as someone fed him.

Sam checked her phone then nodded toward me. "Jack today?"

"Yeah. His lunch break." I patted my full stomach almost regretting eating so much.

"You should get going then." Sam slid the bill to me with a smirk. I loved the crap out of her but would it hurt her to pick up the food bill once in a while?

After paying for breakfast, Sam walked me to the condo. I needed to work off my food baby, not that Jack cared. He liked having something to hold onto when he fucked me but having sex with a full stomach did not feel good.

"I checked this morning and all the money is in your account. Speaking of, I'm still getting requests to meet you." What would I do without Sam? She acted like a bulldog making sure I got paid and guarded me with a fierceness that frightened most people.

"God, I hope I don't need to go through finding a new client again. There are some creepy perverted people out there." I shivered thinking about some of the former potential clients I had met.

This was the very reason why I stayed on my own instead of working for a madam. I chose my clients instead of taking whoever wanted to hire me.

When we stopped in front of my building, Sam leaned in and gave me a hug. "Let me know if you see sparkly boobs again. Oh, and don't forget to take pictures." Her eyebrows bounced as her smile widened.

"You're worse than a thirteen-year-old boy." Laughing, she slapped my ass before running off.

After saying hello to the doorman, Jeremy, I went straight to the staircase intending to work off breakfast. By the third floor I had a cramp in my side and decided to take the elevator the rest of the way up. But I made a mental plan to run an extra mile tomorrow.

The condominium I had inherited from a former client was in an upscale neighborhood. It was nice but not too fancy that I'd be questioned for owning a place here. It was also private. Each floor had two condos with a total of forty in all.

I shared a floor with Angelo. As in _the_ Angelo Cerrato, the famous dress designer and whoever his current lover happened to be. Right now, Guy Fernandez.

They were a cute couple, but I tried not to get attached since Angelo had a new man every six months. He got rid of them like last season's clothes. I didn't judge him and though I was positive Angelo knew what I did for a living he had never said a word. But he often offered to dress me for special occasions.

Gripping the hand bar in the elevator I bent over trying to breathe through the cramp. I also may have sworn never to overeat again. _Total lie._ I never learned my lesson.

By the time I reached the condo, I didn't have much time to prepare for Jack. I took a quick shower avoiding getting my hair wet then picked out a baby doll nighty that would hide my stomach bulge. I'd never been so relieved that Jack was an ass man. The more to grab the better, so I wore a thong, hoping to distract him from my still full stomach.
3

# Later on January 1st

Three loud knocks had me rushing for the door. I could hear Jack's impatience in the way his fist pounded against the door. The louder the knock, the tougher his day. It was my job to soothe the wild beast in him.

Jack had been one of my long-term clients and the only one I saw more than once a week. He was more of a _let's get this done so I can get back to work_ kind of client. He needed sex and often, but didn't want any of the pre or post work involved.

On occasion, he would hang out for a while if there was a game on or if he had nowhere to be but that didn't happen often. He was a busy guy. Too busy for a real relationship which was why he hired me after his divorce.

Jack slapped my ass with a predatory smile as he walked past me yelling at someone over the phone. Following him into the living room, I took a moment to gauge what he would need today. Jack was a hard man with a soft center that he didn't share with most people.

In his late forties, Jack still had a full head of graying hair. In the past few years, he'd gained a few pounds and had a bit of a beer belly but it could never distract from his sex appeal. He reminded me of a bear in size and body hair. Every time I saw him, he had facial scruff that often left beard burn in sensitive places. Not that I complained, but I often had to use cover up on my thighs after particular appointments.

Jack turned and stared at me with his brown eyes that appeared nearly black today. It meant he needed hard and fast. Whiskey shade entailed a fun time for me. Milk chocolate eyes were a sign of a longer appointment because he'd require more time to get into it. I didn't have a favorite since I enjoyed Jack no matter his moods.

Still grumbling at someone over the phone, I went to work on relaxing him. His eyes turned heated as I turned around and shook my ass. I grinned when he stumbled over his words.

_Too easy._

When I stood in front of him in my lacy baby doll nighty, panties and high heels, I took my time loosening his tie as he slipped off his jacket. I didn't bother taking off his shirt.

Running my hands down his chest, I slowly knelt in front of him, licking my lips as I unbuckled his belt. He growled, "I'll call you back." Then dropped his phone on the couch. Biting my lip, I tried to hide my smile. I relished the control I had. Another growl reverberated in his chest when I took my time sliding down his zipper and pushed his pants and briefs down his legs.

The moment I slid a condom onto his thick shaft and leaned in guiding him to my lips, his fingers locked in my hair pulling hard enough to sting. With just one lick his head fell back and an, "Oh God, Juliet. I need you," flew out of his mouth.

I kept my eyes on him and waited for him to look down at me before I took the tip of his cock into my mouth and sucked. His fingers tightened in my hair and he began pumping his cock in and out of my mouth the way he liked to fuck my pussy. Hard and fast.

The moment I felt his balls tighten he lifted me up, his cock slipping from my mouth and he turned me around. Hanging over the edge of the back of the couch, I pushed my panties down far enough that he had access. Within seconds he was pumping in and out of me, ramming so hard that my hip bones dug into the back of the couch.

I didn't care.

I liked him like this.

Out of control and needy.

On a shout he came, his body stilling over me. Half a minute later, he pulled out more relaxed than when he first arrived. Leaning over me, he kissed the center of my back then helped me to stand. Nipping at my neck he groaned, "I needed that."

As he pulled off the condom, he nodded toward me. "Do we need to take care of you?"

_Awww, always the gentleman._

I didn't always come and at times I didn't care. It wasn't like my clients paid me to get me off. "No. I'm good. I just like being with you."

He chuckled in response. "Wednesday?" he asked.

I pulled up my panties and turned around. "We'll have to meet a little later than usual. I have a doctor's appointment."

He stopped mid tie adjustment and took a moment to look me over. With brows turned in he asked, "Are you okay?"

Turning away, I fluffed the couch pillows to avoid looking him in the eyes. The man could read me like a book. "I'm great. Sam set up an appointment and . . ." I waved it off. "Doesn't matter, but she set it up during your regular lunch time."

"Okay," he paused. "Text me when you expect to be here and I'll meet you."

"Thanks, Jack," I said as I walked him to the door. He reached for the handle but before he opened it, he looked me up and down again, as if he were inspecting me.

"Please tell me you're done with that stupid diet." I laughed knowing out of all my clients he would be the one to notice the weight loss.

"I am. No worries."

"Good." He smiled as he pinched my ass. "I miss your softness. Plus, I like the chub." Groaning, I shook my head. Moments like these, I could understand why his wife left him.

"Jack, do me a favor and never ever say that to another female. Ever." He gave me a guilty look. "Oh, Jack . . ." He huffed at my reprimand. "Please don't tell me you said that to either of your daughters."

He ran his hand down his face looking ashamed. "I might have said something about my youngest daughter's weight but I was only teasing. I like that she hasn't grown out of her childhood chubbiness."

_Oh lord. The man was clueless._

"No. No. No. You need to do something to apologize. Having a dad tease his daughter about her weight will ruin her for life."

"Pfft. For life, Juliet? Really?"

I stared him in the eyes. "For. Life."

His smile fell and he nodded. "Okay. I'll fix it." I loved Jack, but he was so dense when it came to women. And he really needed a wife. Not that I would tell him that but at times he counted on me the way he would his wife.

He dug into his pocket as he turned to leave and pulled out his phone. "Wednesday," he stated as he walked toward the elevator.

"Goodbye, Jack." Once alone, I showered and changed back into my jeans and sweater. Then went about preparing for the following evening with Michael. He preferred a romantic atmosphere so I set out candles in the bedroom and switched out the bedspread.

It had taken a few months to figure out what Michael liked. I asked, but he never gave details, so I had to work it out myself. After setting out clothes, I checked to make sure I had Michael's favorite whiskey. Once everything was perfect, I locked up the condo and headed for my favorite coffee shop. There was nothing better than walking home with a coffee and today a lemon Danish.

When I reached my apartment building, I found a sexy guy carrying in boxes. I hurried to the entrance and held the door for him. He glanced at me with a grateful smile then immediately gave me a second look. "Hey," I said.

Before he could respond, a little boy ran up to him carrying an armful of cars. He walked in with a grin and said, "Thanks."

"Yes. Thanks," cute guy said with a blush on his cheeks. He put the box down and put his hand out toward me. "I'm Kent, and that monster is Cole."

"I'm Juliet." I shook his hand then said hello to Cole who barely acknowledged me. I smiled as I dug my key out of my pocket. "Well, I guess I'll be seeing you around," I said as I walked toward my front door.

"Uh. Yeah––sure." Midway through unlocking my door, I debated turning around and acting a little more neighborly. But I wasn't naïve to his response to me, and I didn't want to encourage it. No matter how much I found someone attractive, I didn't have a life that allowed me to have more than what I had right now. Instead of speaking, I glanced over my shoulder and gave him a smile and a wave.

_There._

_Friendly but not too friendly_.

Mr. Knightly meowed the moment I stepped foot into my apartment. No doubt starving to death since he had only been fed this morning. "Hold on a little longer, Mr. Knightly. I'll feed you." He followed me to the kitchen where he paced in front of the cabinet where I kept his food.

"Why do I keep talking to you like you know what I'm saying?" He meowed again then jumped on the counter and took a seat staring at me with his intense eyes. "Still not feeding you right now." I sighed. "But that doesn't stop me from talking to you." I glared at Mr. Knightly. "Maybe I do need to see the psychiatrist." He returned my glare. "But we'll keep that between you and me. Sam doesn't need to know she might be right."
4

# January 3rd

I awaken with a text from Sam reminding me ––again, about my appointment with the psychiatrist. Not that I could have forgotten with the giant stress brick sitting in the pit of my stomach.

Today was the day.

I ignored her text then changed into running gear, strapped my phone to my arm and put in my ear buds. After feeding Mr. Knightly and resisting emotional eating, I laced up my shoes. My anger and frustration with Sam motivated my workout. I hated running. Every single minute of it. Sadly, it was a necessary evil if I kept eating whatever I wanted. And I did.

My phone vibrated against my arm with a call from Sam. Most days, I hoped for an interruption during my run, but not today. Breathing heavy, I slowed to a walk and barked, "What?"

"Ugh. I knew I shouldn't call you during your run. You need to find an exercise you enjoy doing."

Looking both ways before crossing the street, I reminded her, "There's no such thing." To convey my annoyance, I bit out, "Why are you calling?" even though I knew.

"Juliet, I get why you're pissy with me, but I swear meeting with Dr. Thomas won't be as bad as you think. She's very nice." I cringed at her placating voice. The one she used on the girls she no longer wanted to date.

"Mmmhmm. Sure. So is that why you called?"

"I wanted to make sure you were still going," she said followed by a huff. The best thing about Sam was no matter how moody I got or how much I blamed her for stuff, she never gave up on me. It was also the worst thing about her.

"I said I would." As I wiped the sweat running down my face I stared at the open sign to my favorite bakery. "God, I need a donut." Emotional eating wasn't the answer and I knew it, but it didn't stop me from wishing it could be.

"I'll buy you a whole box if you go."

"From Mary's and there better be at least two jelly-filled," I demanded before hanging up. It was the least I deserved for the hour of torture I had to put up with. Even though I definitely didn't need them.

My leg bounced as I flipped through a magazine trying to ignore the elevator music playing in the waiting room. I looked up just in time to catch the receptionist watching me. She gave me a smile and asked if I wanted tea or water.

_No. I didn't want tea or water! I want out of this office!_

Putting a forced smile on my face I calmly said, "No thanks." The way the receptionist kept eyeing the door, I figured she knew I was a runner. I wouldn't have put it past Sam to call and tell them to barricade the door to prevent me from leaving.

How was it that I had no problem getting naked with a new client, but was scared to death to talk to someone? There was probably something wrong with me.

Sam may have had a point to send me here but it didn't make it any easier or stop the nausea. "I can do this. It's just one hour," I mumbled to myself.

"What was that?" the receptionist asked.

"Nothing," I muttered again.

I jumped out of my seat when Dr. Thomas's office door opened. The woman who stepped out was nothing what I expected appearance wise. I had imagined Dr. Thomas wearing a business suit with her hair in a bun and glasses sitting at the edge of her nose as she looked down at me.

What I found was a short hippy. She couldn't have been more than five feet with jet black hair streaked with gray. It hung down her back almost reaching her butt. The Birkenstocks sandals went well with her long denim skirt. An old sweater covered a tie-dyed T-shirt.

_What the hell?_

What kind of doctor dressed as a hippy? Dr. Thomas smiled. "Hi, Juliet. Come on in." I shook my head as I walked into her office wondering why Sam hated me so much. When the door closed behind me, I turned to face the doctor. "I'm glad to finally meet you. I'm Dr. Thomas."

Shaking her hand, I said, "Are you sure? You don't look like a doctor." She laughed off my comment and guided me to a love seat that sat across from a comfy stuffed chair. "I get that a lot. I just like to be comfortable when I'm working and I find that it puts others at ease and helps them be themselves."

"I guess." It didn't help me but I could see how others might benefit from her casual attire.

Once seated, she leaned forward in her chair with her arms braced on her legs. "Tell me about yourself, Juliet."

"Uh . . ." What did she want to know? I assumed she knew about me since Sam had been seeing her for several months, so what could I say that she didn't know?

Dr. Thomas smiled. "You're going to make me work for it today," she said with humor in her voice. I glanced at the clock sitting on her desk and groaned. Fifty-eight more minutes. "Don't worry, I'll let you know when the torture is over," she said with a laugh. A serious expression replaced her smile. "I don't want you to worry. Whatever you say stays between us."

"You know . . ."

"About what you do for a living?" she asked. I nodded. "I do," she stated. I looked at her, like really looked at her. The knot in my stomach eased as I stared into her kind eyes. I felt no judgment whatsoever. "What would you call yourself?" she asked sincerely.

"I suppose I would call myself a call girl, mistress, friend, a wife without the nagging part." She smiled at that. "I am what they need me to be so I'm all of those depending on the client. But I guess if I had to choose, I would be . . . Juliet. Just Juliet."

She nodded with a soft smile. "Just Juliet, tell me, about how you grew up."

I crossed, uncrossed and re-crossed my legs twice as I felt that familiar knot form in my stomach when I thought about where I came from. Focusing on my hands instead of the woman in front of me, I replied, "You should know since you've talked to Sam."

Dr. Thomas leaned back looking at ease. Like she had spoken to stubborn people every single day of her life. "But I want to get your perspective."

Tapping my fingers on the sofa cushion, I thought back to my first memory. "I don't remember much but I do remember when Mom and I moved into the big house."

Her brows raised. "The big house?"

"Yeah. I remember my mom saying that we were special because we got picked to live with _him_ and some other women and kids." My throat tightened when memories began to flood my thoughts. "Being so young, I didn't know what that meant."

Dr. Thomas picked up a pen and pad and started making notes. "Him?"

"Yeah, as in . . ." I hated even thinking his name but Dr. Thomas nodded and held up a hand.

"It's okay. You don't have to say his name."

I released a heavy breath and waited for her to ask another question.

"So where was your dad when you moved into the big house?"

I shrugged. "I never knew my father. I had asked my mom once about him, and she said he was a very special man but nobody could know he was my dad." The memory of that day was so clear, it might as well have been yesterday. It was late at night and my mother had climbed into my bed to snuggle with me. In that quiet moment, I could no longer hold in my question. After answering me, she held me tighter and wept. I never dared ask why she was so sad and I never brought up my father again.

"Do you remember how old you were when you moved in?"

Chewing on my lip, I closed my eyes trying to think back that far. "I'm not sure. Maybe three or four. Most of my memories there are a little fuzzy."

Dr. Thomas nodded her head as she wrote more notes. "And how long did you live in the big house?"

"Until the day Sam and I ran away. I was fourteen and Sam was sixteen."

Concern filled her eyes. "That's young. Did you worry about how you were going to survive?"

A half laugh escaped my lips. "No. I think I was too young and ignorant to realize how difficult it would be. Plus, I had Sam. I idolized her and knew she was saving me from a life I didn't want."

"I'd like to talk about that some more, but not yet."

I stood to stretch my legs. Wandering over to the window, I peered down onto the busy street wishing I were there instead of up here.

"Where is your mom?"

Leaning my head against the window, I felt the pang of sadness. "As far as I know, she still lives there. I haven't seen or talked to her since I left."

"Do you have any siblings?"

I took a deep breath and shook my head. "Not that I know of."

"Who is Sam to you?"

Circling the room, I looked at all of Dr. Thomas's photos and books. Seeing them, but not really. My head was lost in my memories. "Sam is . . . Sam. I love her like a sister. She's my best friend, though I'm questioning that right now."

Dr. Thomas chuckled. "Go on."

"We take care of each other. She helped me escape a future I didn't want and survive on the streets. When we got settled, I supported her through college. Now Sam keeps me safe in other ways."

She nodded as she wrote down more notes. "How old are you, Juliet?"

"Twenty-eight." But I felt older. I always felt older.

"Do you have a boyfriend or sexual partner who isn't a client?"

I ungracefully snorted at the possibility. "No. I've never had a boyfriend or gone on a date where I didn't get paid."

Dr. Thomas tilted her head and watched me as she asked another question. "Do you want to?"

_Did I?_

I wasn't sure how to answer that. I liked my life, it was familiar and comfortable but I'd known something was missing for a long time. Maybe it was a partner but I wasn't ready and not sure I ever would. "Not yet," I replied.

Dr. Thomas set her pad and pen down and asked me to take a seat. "Juliet, I know you came here for Sam, but I hope you keep coming for you." I didn't respond. As of right now, I had no intention of returning. I fulfilled my promise to Sam and that was that.

"Do you know what my specialty is?" I shook my head. "Cult survivors." Looking back into her eyes, I could see it. She was one too. "I have some idea of what you've been through and the brainwashing that happens. You're safe here to talk about all the ugly stuff with no judgement from me. Situations that you came from tend to mess up ideas about intimacy and love."

_What do I say to that?_

She was right. Dr. Thomas stood and gave me a wide smile. "I'm proud of you for sticking through the past hour. I hope you consider coming back." Taking the cue, I followed her to the door. "When you're ready to return, call and Amy will set you up with another appointment."

I shook her hand then rushed out the door and through the building until I stood outside. Taking a deep breath, I let the sound of the busy street ease the tension in my body.

It wasn't as bad as I thought, but I knew for a fact, I wouldn't go back. The memories . . . the knot in my stomach talking about my past. It wasn't worth it and I couldn't see how bringing up my past would help me in any way.

As I walked to the condo to meet with Jack, I called Sam but had to leave a message. "I went. I hope you're happy. That was the biggest waste of time I've ever experienced and she asked me all these questions."

Standing on a corner waiting for the light to change, I sighed loud enough for her to hear. "I hate you." The woman standing next to me took a step to the side and scowled at me like I was talking to her.

After a few seconds of silence, I muttered, "Since you're my best friend, I forgive you. But if you ever make me do something like that again I'll cut you off." After another loud sigh, I mumbled, "No, I won't."

I stopped in the middle of the sidewalk annoying the other pedestrians. "I really hate leaving messages. We still on for breakfast on Sunday? I'm going to need to carb overload after this week."

Checking the time, I realized I needed to text Jack and get moving. "I love you, Sam."
5

# Later on January 3rd

"Oh fuck!" Jack grunted as I moved up and down his cock, my breasts bouncing in his face. Sweat poured down my back as I put everything into it. After the emotional tidal wave, I needed to feel normal.

_This was normal._

Pleasing Jack, having him stare at me with heated eyes as he fucked me into oblivion was my normal. His hands tightened around my hips as he pulled me closer. "I need to suck on your tits." The moment his mouth was on me I came, squeezing his cock until he shouted, "FUCK YES!" I sat straddling him on the sofa, my head in the crook of his sweaty neck as I tried to catch my breath. His hairy chest tickling my nipples.

Jack leaned his head back, his hair in disarray after having my fingers run through it. "Jesus fucking Christ, I needed that!"

_So did I_.

"I'm not complaining about our past sexual experiences, but that was . . . WOW."

Smiling, I kissed then nipped at his neck. "I completely agree." As he helped me stand, I took care of the condom so he could get dressed.

When I walked back into the living room from the bathroom, Jack watched me as he began to put on his tie. "You okay, Juliet? Something seems different about you."

I gave him a teasing smile, "Of course. I just fucked a sexy man and had a toe-curling orgasm. What could be wrong?"

His brows furrowed and he didn't return my smile. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing, I just..." Shaking my head, I sighed. "I'm having a day." I pushed his hands away and adjusted his tie then helped him into his suit jacket.

"Right." He gripped my hands and held them. "I know I'm not the easiest person to talk to but we've been friends for a long time. You can talk to me."

I pulled my hands away and patted his chest. I knew he was sincere but talking about therapy would blur our already hazy lines. He paid me to have sex and though it had never just been sex, the amount of money he put into my checking account was a reminder that he was a client. Having sex was my job and it didn't entail the intimacy that came with spilling my deepest darkest secrets. "I swear everything is fine."

With a frown, he picked up his keys and headed for the door. "Friday?"

"Yes. Our usual time." He gave me a nod then walked out. I don't know how long I stood staring at the closed door but a part of me wanted to run out and grab him and beg him to stay. I didn't want to be alone with my thoughts.

A box of donuts from Mary's sat in front of my apartment door with a note from Sam.

**_Love you,_**

**_Sam_**

"I guess, I'll have to forgive her now," I muttered to myself as I lifted the lid and inhaled the scent of fried doughy goodness.

"I hope you plan to share," Ruth, my favorite person on the planet, and also my nextdoor neighbor, chimed in. Drooling over my box, I opened it up and offered her one.

Ruth's seventy-nine-year-old wrinkled hand aged with spots pulled out a cherry-filled donut. The smile on her face after her first bite was worth the sacrifice.

She eyed me up and down. "You look exhausted, dear."

"I am and I have every intention of going to bed early tonight."

"Oh." Her mouth turned down and her eyes that had seen so much teared up. "I thought we were having dinner together."

I took her hand and smiled. "We are, I just need to feed Mr. Knightly and I'll be right over."

"I'm so glad." Her smile returned, and she gave me a mischievous grin. "I'm dying to hear about New Year's Eve with Mr. Sexy Pants."

Hearing those words out of her mouth put me in a laughing fit. The woman loved her nicknames. I'd been neighbors with Ruth for six years, but it wasn't until a few years ago that I told her what I did for a living. Ever since then she begged me to tell her about my clients. Smith earned the name _Mr. Sexy Pants_ the first time I described his voice.

She had named Jack _Dirty Boy_ for obvious reasons. He had quite the mouth on him and my only client that I saw more than once a week because of his active libido.

Michael earned the name, _The Quiet One_ , which was a perfect description for the sweet guy who saw me once a week.

Joseph was _Old Boy_. Ruth questioned my sanity when I told her how old Joseph was. But then I clarified that we didn't actually have sex.

Then there was Stephen, who she called _Smart Guy_ , because he always gave me financial advice even though I had a money manager.

"I'll be right back."

Ruth and I stood at her kitchen counter while she gave me directions on how she wanted the vegetables cut. Then reminded me to check the sauce while she stood beside me inspecting my work. She lost the ability to do many things with her arthritic hands including chopping vegetables.

"So, what did Dirty Boy do today?"

Giggling I asked, "You really want to hear this?"

"I haven't had sex in years. Of course I want to hear this." After relaying my time with Jack she sighed. "My husband was great in bed. I don't miss a lot of things about him, like the way he hogged the bed or blew his nose at the table, but I do miss the sex."

"You're not dead. You can still have sex," I reminded her.

She scowled. "Have you seen my options?" Laughing I shook my head. "I'm likely to break a hip or something or give them a heart attack." As I rinsed the noodles, she leaned against the sink and watched. "Speaking of options, have you met the new neighbor?"

My eyes widened. "He's a little young for you, but I guess you wouldn't have to worry about him breaking a hip or having a heart attack."

"Oh.." Her cheeks reddened while she swatted at me with an oven mitt. "I was talking about you. He's a good looking man."

"With a kid," I added. I didn't hate kids, just the opposite, but I wasn't the best role model. If Kent knew what I did for a living, he wouldn't want me near his son.

"It might be time to give up your flashy lifestyle and settle down."

I glanced down at my yoga pants and sweatshirt and my mismatched socks. "Flashy lifestyle?" I laughed.

"You know what I mean. Maybe you could take the first step, like going on a real date."

I didn't want to offend her. It wasn't like she was Sam. But whenever anyone brought up me leaving my clients, I immediately became defensive. I liked my life. Just because most people would criticize my decisions didn't mean it wasn't right for me.

As we sat and ate dinner, tension filled the room until I couldn't handle it anymore. "Ruth, I appreciate your concern but I like my life just the way it is right now. It's perfect for me."

"But it wouldn't hurt to consider it." She put her hand over mine. "I just want to see you as happy as I was with my husband."

I patted her hand. "I'll think about it," I said to appease her but I had no intention of quitting. At least not yet.
6

# January 4th

_M y mother adjusted my hair she had spent hours curling until they fell in perfect ringlets. "Don't forget to smile."_

_I couldn't smile, not when I was so terrified._

_"Go on, sweetheart. It's okay." My legs shook as my mother nudged me forward. I didn't want to go in there. Samantha said it was a bad place. Every time she came out, she had tears running down her face and she wouldn't talk to me for a few days. If my best friend didn't want to go in there, neither did I._

_"But, Mom . . ." I cried as I braced my legs to keep Mom from pushing me closer to the door._

_My mother's grip pinched my arms and her forced smile fell away. "You are being a very bad girl and he doesn't like bad girls."_

He _._

_She didn't have to use_ hi _s name. Everyone knew who_ he _was. The way he looked at me . . . I didn't like it. I didn't care if he thought I was bad._

_Pulling away from my mother's hold, I pleaded, "Don't make me go in there." My mother pinched her lips and scowled while gaining a hold on me. "I'll do extra chores and I won't eat dinner tonight. Just let me go back to my room."_

_I blinked back tears and when someone opened the door to the room, I almost drowned in my fear. Choking back a sob, I tried to yank my arms out of her grasp but she only tightened. With a room full of people watching us, my mother got down on her knees to look me in the eyes. In a whisper she said, "Everything will be okay. He wants to get to know you."_

_"But you said I belonged to_ him _now." Soon, I would have to live with_ him _, she said. I didn't want to leave the room I shared with my mother._

_"You do, but today he just wants to talk to you. He won't hurt you. He loves you." She looked up and pointed her hand at the women in the room. "He loves all of us. You have nothing to fear."_

_I wanted to believe her but I got a funny feeling in my stomach whenever he looked at me . . . watched me. The women in our community loved him. They talked about how smart and attractive he was, but to me he was old and ugly on the inside. I didn't like his smile. It never looked real._

_As my mother turned me to enter the room, I heard Samantha scream, "Don't hurt her!" I turned around to see Samantha's hair flying behind her as she ran toward me._

_"Run! Run!" Stunned, I didn't dare move. The panic in her voice sent a chill down my spine. What did she know that I didn't? Samantha would never hurt me, there had to be a reason why she would be disobedient and follow me here._

_Samantha put her arms around me and tried to pull me away from my mother. She kicked and screamed when his bodyguards surrounded us._

_The guards were husbands and sons of parishioners called to serve him. They managed to pull her away but not before she bit one man and kicked another between his legs._

_Two more men ran into the room and managed to hold her down as a woman put a needle in Samantha's arm. Within seconds she stilled and the room became quiet. I thought they killed her until I heard her moan but she still didn't move._

_"Samantha," I called for her but I didn't get a response. One of the bodyguards lifted her and carried her out the door._

Not again _._

_That wasn't the first time they had silenced her. Samantha got in trouble a lot and had to be separated from everyone else more than once. I asked her where they took her. She said it was a dark place but not as scary as some other places._

_Once the hallway settled down with all the commotion, my mother took my hand and dragged me into the room. Terrified to have someone put a needle in my arm, I didn't fight her as much as I wanted to._

_Standing in the center of the room was_ him _with a smug look on his face. Women of all ages surrounded him. Even some girls my age, but not in the modest dresses he made us wear when we were in public. I blushed at the sight of the see-through gowns._ Would I have to wear those? _"Come here." He held his hand out to me._

_His touch felt clammy and I immediately wanted to pull away from him. "You are so very pretty," he said in a low calm voice. "I hope you'll be happy here with me someday."_

_I would never be happy here. My mother moved to his side looking lovingly at him until he said, "Martha, come here," to the woman standing near the door._

_I watched as my mother's facial expression turned pained then cold. The look she gave Martha startled me. I had never seen my mother look so angry._

_He smiled at Martha then looked down to me. "Martha will be your guide. You will go home with her and she will teach you everything you need to know."_

_"But . . ." my mother interrupted. "She's my daughter. I will teach her." The grin on his face made my stomach churn. It was like he enjoyed upsetting my mother._

_"All right. I will trust you to teach her everything." He emphasized the word everything. My mom nodded, still looking unhappy. I didn't understand what was going on but relieved I didn't have to go with Martha._

_"Come here, sweetheart. Follow me," my mother called._

_"Wait," he said. Leaning down he looked me in the eyes. "Don't I get a hug or a kiss before you go?"_

_Looking up at my mother, I waited for her to say something. Instead she nodded then placed a hand on my back, pushing me forward until I stood inches from him. I closed my eyes and put my arms out wanting to get it over with. He pulled me into a hug and as I tried to pull away he kissed the side of my mouth. I didn't like it. "I'll see you tomorrow," he stated._

"No!" I screamed pulling the covers up to protect me. My heart felt like it wanted to jump out of my chest as I reached for the bedside lamp. I drew in a deep breath reminding myself that I wasn't there with him. I was now safe.

I got out of bed and went to the kitchen to get a drink, my hands still shaking from my nightmare, _or was it a memory?_ I had blocked out many of the years I had lived with my mother and _him_ so I didn't know if it was real or not.

Picking up my phone, I speed dialed Sam. It wasn't until she swore into the phone that I realized it was only three AM. "Sorry to wake you," I said nearly in tears thinking about my dream.

"Did something happen?" she asked in a panic.

"No. Maybe. I believe so."

"Jules, what's wrong?" I heard a woman's voice ask who she was talking to and then Sam shushing her. "Do I need to come over?"

"No. I just . . . I had a dream."

She sighed then with a tired voice she repeated, "A dream? You had a dream so you called me? Go back to sleep."

Before she could hang up, I rushed to say, "I dreamt about _him_ but I don't know if it happened."

Silence hung between us for a few seconds before she said, "Tell me about your dream."

After spending ten minutes telling her about my nightmare, she grew quiet again. "Sam? Did that happen?" I heard Sam get out of her bed and tell whoever was with her that she would be right back.

After hearing the door close she said, "I remember that day or at least part of it. I did try to stop your mom."

"Where did they take you?"

"To a closet in his house. It was where they took the girls who were disobedient." Sam's voice turned cold. It wasn't like her.

"How long were you in there?"

"I don't know, Jules. It could have been minutes or hours or days. All I remember was that I couldn't leave until I begged him for forgiveness. Then I was forced to . . ." she sighed again. I pictured her pacing her hallway, her hand running through her cropped hair. "He forced me to do things a ten year old should never do."

"Sam." I didn't even know how to respond. We had been friends for years but she never went into detail with me about what happened to her. I knew it had to be worse for her than me because she was older and lived in his house longer.

"It's okay, Jules. I'm fine now." Silence hung between us like a heavy weight. I wondered how often she thought about our time there. She never mentioned if she still had nightmares.

When we first left, she rarely slept, and when she did, it was restless. It took years before she slept through the night. "God, so that actually happened?"

"Oh yeah. And a lot worse shit," she stated matter of factly.

"I don't like remembering this," I said more to myself than to her. Why would I remember this now?

"Yeah, well you may find yourself remembering more and more after talking to Dr. Thomas. I did."

Outraged she never mentioned that, I yelled, "Why didn't you warn me? Well, now I'm glad I decided not to go back."

"Are you serious? I thought you were just being a drama queen."

I gripped my phone until my knuckles turned white. "I'm not a drama queen! That hour sucked and now I've had my first nightmare in years, I don't want to remember any more."

"You are such a pain in the ass!" Sam huffed. "And I'm really tired. Call me later if you want to talk." She hung up.

Mr. Knightly rubbed his side against my leg and meowed. "Seriously? Just because I'm up doesn't mean it's breakfast time." He didn't shut up so I put a scoop of food in his bowl and called him Mr. Fatly. It didn't make me feel better.

"Now what, Mr. Knightly? There's no way I can fall back to sleep." He ignored me giving me a view of his rear while scarfing down his food.

Seeing the pile of mail on the counter, I decided I might as well do something to take my mind off of my dreams. Paying bills should do that. As I neared the end of the pile, I reached my favorite travel magazine and squealed when I saw the front page.

This month was all about Italy. Taking my magazine, I relaxed on the couch and read every single article. Then cut out my favorite photos and taped them to my fridge with the rest of my Italy pictures.

Each year, I took a month off to travel. After returning from Vancouver B.C. last April, I decided to head to Italy this year. It was like the universe agreed with me that it would be the perfect vacation.

"Eighty-seven more days, Mr. Knightly, until you have to visit Aunty Sam." Mr. Knightly glared at me as if he understood. He and Sam had a love-hate relationship. He loved to shed and pee all over her apartment and she hated him. But Sam loved me enough take him so I wouldn't have to put him in a pet hotel.

"Now what?" I asked Mr. Knightly, but he was already walking back into my room probably ready to take his first nap of the day. No matter how tired I was, or how badly I wanted to climb into bed for a few hours, I didn't want to risk having another bad dream.

"An early morning run it is." It wasn't like I wasn't planning on running today, I just tend to do it at normal human hours.

After running an extra mile to work through my emotions, I came home exhausted and still emotional. So, I ate a muffin . . . or two. Okay three. I ate three muffins and I still didn't feel better.

At least I had a list of things to do including dragging my dirty laundry to the condo since my apartment didn't come with a washer and dryer. Between loads, I went to the grocery store and post office.

_My life was so glamorous_.

Even though I was tired and not really in the mood to be sexy, I couldn't wait for Stephen to get here for our scheduled time. I had been meeting with Stephen for the past four years.

He was fun but a workaholic. There were days I feared he would have a heart attack while we had sex. He wasn't the healthiest guy and the way he grunted and groaned was comical but I worried about him.

When Stephen hadn't arrived thirty minutes after our scheduled time, I called his cell and left a message. "Hey sexy! Did you forget we were meeting tonight? I can't wait to see you so you better hurry up!" I used my most playful voice trying to cover my worry.

He had only been late a handful of times and each time he had texted me beforehand. Twenty minutes later, I sent a text asking if he were alright. Still nothing.

I turned on the television in the den and tried to distract myself with mindless sitcoms. But after another hour passed, Stephen still hadn't replied to my text or called. It wasn't like him.

Grabbing my phone, I called my go-to person. "Sam, have you heard from Stephen?"

"No. He's supposed to be with you," she said sounding distracted.

I rolled my eyes. "I know. But he's not here and he's not replying to my messages."

"That's weird." If I could, I would have strangled her through the phone.

"I know," I said a little louder than I should. It wasn't her fault I worried, but sometimes she could be so insensitive to my many emotions.

"Chill out, Jules. I'll make some calls and see if I can get a hold of him. You need to relax. Go home, take a sleeping pill and get some freaking zzz's before I'm forced to hurt your crabby butt." Nothing like a tongue lashing from Sam to put me in my place.

"Thanks, Sam."

She snorted. "I swear, Jules . . . I'll call you back if I hear anything." She hung up on me again.

"She loves me," I said to the empty room.

Instead of going home, I decided to wait a little longer but woke up hours later lying on the couch. Checking my phone, I realized several hours had passed and still no reply. Too tired to walk home, I called Ruth and asked her to feed Mr. Knightly then made use of the fabulous master bath.

I didn't normally like sleeping at the condo. It wasn't warm and cozy like my apartment, but my laziness was at an all-time high. Plus, I had to be back by noon tomorrow to meet Jack. So I made myself comfortable in the guest bedroom where I used to live and managed to fall asleep.
7

# January 6th

Compared to New Year's Eve, Fox Mansion was toned down tonight, which was saying something since some of the public activities would make people's eyes pop.

I stood at Smith's side as he guided us around the room to speak with different men. I pretended I didn't have a voice and only spoke when asked a direct question. Unlike the last time we were here, Smith was never more than an arm's reach away from me. I wasn't sure if it was to make me feel safer or a reminder for the rest of the gentlemen in the room that I was taken.

Sipping on my drink, I glanced around the room recognizing some familiar faces. Other paid escorts. I called myself a free agent from the beginning, I chose to do it my way. It was business. It had always been business for me. One that gave me financial security, regular sex and attention from men.

Unlike these girls, every penny I made belonged to me. I paid taxes like every other business owner. But instead of putting prostitute as occupation on my taxes, I claimed to own a dating service.

The sound of laughter drew my attention to two beautiful young women standing with a man between them. They were giggling as they exited the main room. For a split second, I saw the side of his face. I sucked in a breath noticing how familiar he looked. "It couldn't be." I shook my head refusing to believe it was _him_. I was probably seeing things.

Ever since I started having nightmares again, I became paranoid. I swore I saw _him_ everywhere I went. On the street in front of my apartment, at the grocery story, driving by me as I ran. I knew better than to believe it was _him_ , but no matter how much I reasoned that he hadn't found me, it still made my heart race.

"Juliet?" Smith's voice shook me out of my thoughts.

I looked up at Smith and he nodded toward the staircase. He was ready to move to the second part of our evening.

The sound of the party became muted as Smith led me to the private staircase leading to our reserved room. Before we could make our escape from the other party goers, a man Smith had introduced me to before blocked our way.

I smiled at his companion who I knew in passing. She worked for a service that had tried several times to recruit me.

From listening in on past conversation, the man owned several outlet stores around the country. I also knew he never came here alone or with the same girl.

Smith never spoke about his work or what he did for a living. Whatever Smith did, he had a lot of influence since men in the club often sought him out.

My clients jobs never mattered to me so I never asked. Most times, I found out because they mentioned work or came right out and said. Smith wasn't one of those guys. Maybe if I read the business page, I could figure it out but I only wanted the barest of information about each client. Sam did background checks so she was aware what each of them did, how much they made and where they lived, but we didn't discuss it.

The man speaking with Smith dropped names as he tried to start a conversation with him. His attempt failed miserably. "Excuse me, Albert. I have plans." Smith winked then took my hand. Instead of being offended by Smith's abrupt interruption, the man chuckled and waved a hand toward the stairway. "Enjoy. And maybe when you're finished I could have a go with her?"

Smith's grip tightened almost to the point of causing pain. His jaw ticked before he forced a cold smile on his face. "Sorry, Albert, she's all mine." At Fox Mansion, Smith had two personas. One who had no problem speaking to anyone and everyone and then the one I had known for two years.

"Is everything okay?" I asked. I could feel his tension in his grip.

"Yes," he said firmly.

Those were the last words spoken.

I never told him this, but it was the sound of his voice over the phone that made me want to take him as a client two years ago. When we met the following day, I was relieved to see he was as sexy as his voice since his background check came back clean.

Once alone in our usual room, Smith dragged a leather chair to the end of the bed and nodded toward me. I knew the drill. Considering where we were and the tools available to us, our sex was tame.

He wanted me in a certain way and never requested a change. As curious as I was to why he had been so particular, he didn't pay me to question him. He had his reasons for what he wanted and I had mine. But what I did know from experience, was there were reasons behind the way people fucked.

I turned away from him and listened for the sound of him unbuckling his belt then the swish of his slacks dropping to his ankles. It was the most undressed he got while at Fox. I didn't understand why since he had no issues getting naked during our appointments at the condo.

Glancing over my shoulder I checked to see if he had taken a seat before I began to undress. His eyes heated and I knew he was ready for me.

I stared straight ahead as I slipped out of my dress then unfastened my bra and slung it onto the bed. When I bent over slipping out of my panties, he sucked in a breath. Smith's strong hands gripped my hips and pulled me onto his lap.

Running his hands up my body he warmed me up with just his touch. He didn't kiss me when we were alone but knowing I was the only woman who he touched made me wet. Smith returned week after week because he desired me.

When I felt his length harden beneath me, I slid my hand between us and ran my fingers up and down his cock. Once he began breathing heavy, he pushed my hand away to slide on the condom.

That was my only warning before Smith lifted me and planted me on his hard cock. The first thrust always caught me off guard. He was thick and stretched me like no other. I loved it. It didn't take long before my breasts bounced slapping against my skin. My thighs burned and my clit throbbed with need.

It was coming. I felt the familiar warmth spread through me. Smith never left me for wanting. Closing my eyes, I focused on his every touch and the way we moved in sync. My heart raced with anticipation as Smith's hand slid over my left thigh then between my legs to caress my clit. As my legs tensed with the incoming orgasm, I pushed my chest out and gripped his upper thighs.

It took only seconds before I screamed his name. He grunted beneath me as each pump became more aggressive. When he finally held onto my thighs spreading them apart, he came with a shout. His cock pulsed inside me as he leaned his head against my back.

I wanted to turn around and touch him. I was dying to see what he looked like as he came, but he preferred I always faced away from him. If it wasn't for his reaction to me, I would be offended or worried that he didn't find me attractive.

When he relaxed into the chair, it was my sign to get up and take care of the condom. As I began to stand, he held me a moment longer. Something he had never done before.

I tensed wondering if I had done something wrong until he ran a hand up and down my body. I relaxed against his chest feeling the rise and fall with his every breath. Once his hold loosened around my hips, I stood and cleaned us up wishing I could ask him why tonight was different. But that wasn't how we worked.

I slipped out of my shoes and moved to the bed, pulling down the covers to climb between the sheets. I listened to him pull up his pants and the sound of his zipper. Facing away, I silently waited for him. The bed dipped behind me and then I felt his arms wrap around my belly and pull me against his clothed body.

I loved this time with him. It was in those quiet moments in his arms that I felt the safest I had ever felt in my life. I never had to entertain Smith or keep him excited or put on a show. I just gave him my body and he treated me with respect.

A part of me worried I was getting too attached. But experience told me I would miss him if he ever decided to end our contract but I would be okay. Just like with every other former client.

Lying in his arms, our breath the only sound, I relaxed and let my mind wander to the first time we met. We agreed the day before to meet at my favorite coffee place. I was sitting next to the window enjoying the last of the sunshine when in walked the sexiest man I had ever seen. By the time we agreed for one evening to see if we worked well together, I wondered why me.

As far back as I could remember, I had positive self-esteem. There were things about my body I struggled with, like most woman. My stomach area being one of them. But it never stopped me from feeling attractive or desired. In all honesty, my outward appearance was on the pretty side of average.

My light brown hair had a reddish tint in the sunlight. My eyes, an unremarkable shade of brown, were large and with makeup seemed a little more remarkable. I'd been told I had a great smile. Thanks to excellent genes, I had natural straight teeth. Thank goodness, since my mother would never had paid for something as frivolous as braces.

All in all, I looked like the girl next door. No blonde bombshell here. My five-six frame and the fact I had a little too much junk in my trunk was testament to that. But not even the slight pudge on my tummy kept men from inquiring about me. What I lacked in appearance didn't make a difference.

What most men wanted was to feel desired and to have an orgasm. They asked and I gave them want they wanted as long we both agreed. If a prospective client wanted pain or bondage, then I referred them to someone else.

I had seen and experienced enough in my life to know I wouldn't like that nor had any desire to give that to my clients. It was a niche I didn't cater to. Light bondage? Yes. Pain? No. Completely at someone else's mercy? Never.

Smith stirred behind me, pulling me out of my thoughts. When his hands began making a trail from my thighs up toward my breasts in a slow languid pace, I knew he was ready for another round.

Once he had his zipper down, I felt him adjust himself then he pulled my leg up and moved in behind me. Our pace was slower and for some reason more intense. Each time he pumped into me, I felt his whole body tense behind me.

His cock hit just the right place so I didn't need him to touch my clit for me to come. As my body thrummed from my intense orgasm, he didn't stop. He wrapped an arm around my waist pulling me closer as he came.

An hour later, Smith walked me to the entrance of the condo appearing to be slightly less tense than when he picked me up.
8

# January 7th

"I thought I saw _him_ ," I said leaning over trying to catch my breath with a racquet hanging from my wrist.

_And what kind of person does this for fun?_

"Him?" Sam asked as she slapped my butt with her racquet and waved me to the line.

My turn . . . again.

I dropped the ball then swung my racquet missing the ball completely. I growled as Sam's laughter grew louder. I was glad someone was enjoying this torture. "As in _him_." I raised my brows.

She shook her head. "This is why I told you to see the therapist. Your nightmares are making you see things."

"Ugh! I'm not going back. Drop it, plus it wasn't a bad dream. Last night while Smith and I were at Fox Mansion, I saw him. Or at least someone who looks exactly like him."

I did a little cheer in my head when my racquet managed to hit the ball. But seconds later, the ball hit the wall and flew back towards me. "It's going to kill me, Sam!" I shouted as I managed to escape getting hit. "Racquetball is for people who hate themselves," I declared.

Sam stared at me. "Are you serious? You saw _him_?"

"I don't know. Maybe you're right and I'm seeing things, but I could've sworn it was him."

She glared down at the ball in her hand as if it were the man who starred in her every nightmare. "Jesus. What if it was?" Her voice echoed in the racquetball court where she was attempting to teach me how to play. So far, I was getting more exercise running away from her strong serve.

"Sam?"

She looked up with a grimace on her face. "Yeah?"

"Why are we doing this? Running is easy. There aren't rules or balls flying at my head."

She snorted. "You said you liked balls," she joked.

"I'm serious. I'm going to have welts all over my body. Plus, racquetball is stupid. All we are doing is hitting a ball against a wall."

"Running isn't stupid? You run but not to get to a place, just to run. Then what?"

_She had a point._

"Okay, so the ball can only bounce once?" I asked.

"Yes, and it won't kill you to try a different kind of exercise."

"Okay. I'll stop complaining. For now," I mumbled. Sam hit the ball, and when it flew back, I ducked to keep the ball from hitting anything of importance.

"So, was anyone with the look alike? Anyone you might know?"

"I didn't recognize the two girls with him. They were young though."

"Wow. Then it could be him." She wasn't joking in the least. We knew from experience he preferred his girls young.

"Young girls at Fox isn't unusual," I reminded her.

"Give me details. What did the guy look like?"

"Like an older version of _him_." It seemed silly to call him _he_ and _him_ when he had a name, but like Voldemort, it seemed like bad luck to say it out loud. "Let's drop it. It probably wasn't him."

"Fine." Sam gave me a mischievous grin. "Did you see sparkly boobs last night?"

I laughed. Sam and her love of big-busted women. "No. The guy was with someone else."

"One day you're going to tell me everything that happens at the club," she said dreamily.

Rolling my eyes, I reminded her, "I say more than I should."

After managing to return the ball a few times, Sam asked, "How's Smith?"

I shrug. "Sexy and quiet as usual."

"I sometimes wonder if he's your favorite." From the corner of my eye, I noticed her watch me. I suspected she was waiting to see my expression. I hated that she could read me so well.

I turned so she couldn't see my face. "I don't have favorites." _Yes, I did_. "But if I did it would be Joseph." _It was Joseph_.

"I don't get you. It's bad enough that he has a penis, but Joseph has an old penis." I looked over at Sam just in time to see her shiver in disgust.

"Doesn't mean he can't be my favorite. He's so sweet. He calls me _pearl_. He also says it takes grit to make one so who wouldn't want to be named after a precious gem?"

"Me. I wouldn't."

"Well, I like it. Speaking of, I can't wait to see him. He's been on vacation for weeks." Three exact. He took a vacation with his son and grandson. He was so proud of those boys, he talked about them as much as his wife who passed away nearly a decade ago.

"You should hear some of the stories he tells about him and his wife. I wished someone felt that way about me. Plus, some of the things they had to deal with because he's black and she was white is eye opening. They leaned on each other to get through life. Kind of like me with you except they were in love." Sam put her arm around my neck and kissed my cheek.

"So, what's on the menu for tonight?"

"Pot roast. His wife's recipe. Which reminds me I need to pick up groceries for dinner this evening."

"Is it weird he has you cook him dinner?" I laughed at the idea.

"No. It's probably the most normal thing anyone has paid me to do and you know I've done way stranger." I immediately thought of Jamey who asked me to dress him up in my clothes. Sometimes we did his makeup and hair too. He liked to look pretty before we had sex.

"Jamey?" Sam asked. I mentioned once that Jamey stretched out my lingerie and Sam never forgot.

"Yeah," I nodded.

Sam handed me the ball so I could practice my serve. "Have you heard from him?"

_Damnit! I'm not coordinated enough to hit the ball with a racquet._

"He was in town last month, and we had dinner. He's good. Happy. Dating a woman who is cool with his proclivities."

"I can't believe you keep in touch with former clients."

"Why? After three years, we kind of became friends."

"I don't know. It's just weird." I had never thought about it but I guess it was kind of strange to keep in contact with former clients. But even though they paid me, I created a bond with these men. I knew things about them that most people would never learn. And they trusted me. Those secrets connected me to them forever.

I took a relieved breath when the timer went off announcing our time was up. "Thank God," I mumbled.

Sam rolled her eyes. "We're going to try again next week."

"Nooooo," I whined. "Why do you hate me?"

After showering and changing, we walked out of the gym together. "There's something I need to tell you." The way Sam said those words sounded ominous.

"O-kay." This wasn't going to be good.

"You're going to need a baked good for this." So really not good.

We both turned around and began walking the opposite direction to go to Mary's Bakery. "Alright, spill. What is it?"

"Don't freak."

"Oh no. Telling me not to freak means I will freak." I began to panic at all the horrible possibilities.

Sam put her arm around my shoulders. "Just listen. I think your mom is looking for you. Someone contacted me about a woman asking for you. And we both know you don't have female friends. So, it could be your mom, or any of the other women from . . ."

First nightmares about _him_ and now this? "Why now? It's been years since I've seen her. It doesn't make any sense."

"If it is her, you know it can't be good."

My paced picked up as I hurried toward Mary's. "I'm going to need a lot of baked goods."

I stress ate then ran a few miles on the treadmill before I got ready for my evening with Joseph. I couldn't wait to see him. He really was my favorite. He was older, yes, but I enjoyed every minute with him. And it wasn't because it wasn't sexual between us.

We met nearly eight years ago, just two years after his wife's death. He had been friends with my first client and visited him at the condo where we were introduced. A year later Joseph asked to hire me. We discussed what he wanted, and I had no problem with his requests, but our first meeting didn't go well. He hired me to have sex, but when I began undressing for him, he started to cry.

Watching a sixty-something-year-old man cry was heartbreaking. He was so in love with his wife, he felt like he was cheating. To my relief, he still wanted to see me but didn't want sex. Instead we had a lovely evening together, with drinks, dinner, and sometimes we danced.

Most nights we talked. I was the first person he told when he decided to retire from his judgeship. He was sick and tired of seeing the worst of the worst day in and day out. He wanted the last years of his life to have happy memories. I thought it sweet he shared his dream with me.

It sounded strange to say this since I was a white twenty-eight-year-old and he was a sixty-nine-year-old black man, but I loved Sundays because of him. He was a bright spot in my week.

With dinner in the oven, I went to the bedroom to put on his favorite dress of mine. It showed an appropriate amount of cleavage and leg. Pretty but understated. I didn't have to worry about wearing sexy lingerie for Joseph, but I still did. It put me in the right headspace.

Once my makeup and hair were just right, I returned to the living room. First music, his favorite jazz and then prepared his drink. I had two minutes before he was to be here and he never arrived late.

Just as I finished pouring his drink, I heard a knock. When I opened the door, the first thing I saw was his smile that could light up a room. "How are you, my pearl?"

I hugged him then took his hand to guide him into the condo. "I'm good. How was your trip?"

Helping him off with his jacket, he explained how he got home a few hours ago.

"You must be exhausted. Have a seat, and I'll get you your drink."

"But first," he said as he put an arm around my waist. "I need a kiss."

Smiling brightly, I kissed his cheek like I did at the beginning of every evening we spent together. "I missed you."

"Oh," he said with a little gruff. "A beautiful girl like you would never miss an old man like me."

"Joseph," I reprimanded. "You underestimate your charm. Now sit and relax. Dinner will be ready in about a half hour, so we have time to talk about your trip."

"Hold up, young lady. I brought you something." He pulled out a gift box and handed it to me. The man spoiled me rotten, and I loved it.

"What? Why?"

"Because you're my pearl," he declared.

I opened the box and felt a warmth in my chest from his kindness. Joseph was the only client who ever gave me gifts and as much as I loved each thoughtful present, it made me feel guilty that he would spend more money on me.

His voice softened as he spoke. "Pearls for my pearl."

"Joseph. You didn't have to do this." My eyes watered when I noticed his get moist.

"That's why I did it." He grinned as he helped me put on the pearl necklace. Its delicate beads soft against my skin.

"You are the sweetest man I've ever met." He smiled at the compliment as he eased onto the sofa making sure there was room for me at his side.

Holding his drink with one hand, he held my hand with his other. When I leaned my head against his shoulder, he tightened his hold as he went into detail about his vacation.

A few hours later I kissed him goodnight, happy to have my favorite client home safe and sound. Once I closed the door behind him, I immediately changed my clothes. Then took my time cleaning up dinner and preparing for Jack's appointment the following evening.

There were days I questioned how long I could keep doing this but nights like these reminded me how much I would miss not having these men in my life. Being normal was overrated.
9

# January 9th

After waking from another nightmare about _him_ , my bed looked like a war zone. These sleepless nights were starting to get to me. Too tired to get out of bed, I flipped on the television and watched the morning news until my phone rang.

"Who in their right mind would call me at six AM?" Just because I happen to be awake didn't mean I was normally up this early. Squinting I checked my phone and didn't recognize the number. "This is Juliet."

"Hello, Miss . . ." Not only was the number unfamiliar but the voice too.

"Juliet," I repeated.

"Yes, Ms. Juliet, this is Detective Greg Brown."

I jumped out of bed as if someone had raided my apartment. _Why would a detective be calling me?_

As calmly as I could muster, I said, "What can I do for you?" expecting him to tell me they knew who I was and what I did for a living. And now I was in big trouble.

If I were more awake, I would have realized the ridiculousness of my thought process, but I was too exhausted.

"I was calling to see if you could come into the precinct and speak with me."

Settling on the edge of the bed, I picked up an unhappy Mr. Knightly and set him on my lap so I could pet him. I needed something to help calm myself.

"About?" I asked.

"It would be better to discuss this here." I did not like the sound of that. I watched too much _Law & Order_ to know that wasn't something I wanted to hear.

"Well . . . okay . . . uh . . ." Mr. Knightly got smart and jumped off my lap before I could pet the fur right off of him. "I can be there in about forty-five minutes."

"That would be perfect. When you get here ask for me, and they'll direct you to my desk."

"Right. Okay. See you soon." _See you soon?_ That's what you say to people you want to see.

I put my phone on speaker as I changed into jeans and T-shirt. "What the fuck, Jules. It's six AM."

"I know. I'm sorry, but I just received a call from a detective asking me to come in to speak with him."

"Fuck! Do you want me to call you an attorney?"

"No. I mean, do you think I'll need one?"

_Oh my God! Oh my God! Oh my God!_

"Did the detective say what it was about?"

"No. He only told me to come in." My stomach churned. I might be doing something illegal, but I still hated the idea of being in trouble. Deep down, I was a rule follower. I was that good girl who wanted to please her mother and _him_.

"Okay, if he starts asking a bunch of questions and doesn't explain himself, tell him you want a lawyer. Don't say anything else then call me. I know the perfect attorney."

I managed to appear calm though everything inside of me wanted to run out of the precinct and hide. Detective Brown, a middle-aged man with a bit of a gut and receding hairline, wasn't quite what I expected. He had a kind smile that put me at ease. At least at first. He looked like a really nice . . . dad.

On his desk sat a photo of him, his wife and four look-alike boys. So, a family man. When he shook my hand, it was gentle but firm.

"Will you follow me. I'd like to speak to you with fewer distractions."

_Oh shit_.

He was going to take me to an interrogation room. This wasn't a good sign.

When we entered a room, it wasn't nearly as intimidating as I expected. A small white-walled room with a table against one wall and a couple of chairs. No double-sided mirrors or anything that I had seen on _Law & Order_.

"I know it's early, I appreciate you coming in. Go ahead and take a seat."

"What is this about?" No matter how hard I tried to appear calm, my voice broke giving me away. I fidgeted in the chair waiting to find out why I was called here.

"Can someone confirm your whereabouts on January the fourth?" Was that Thursday? That was my scheduled night with Stephen but he didn't show. Would I need an alibi?

"What's going on? You're not telling me anything."

"Where were you this past Thursday?"

Frustrated, I pulled out my phone to look at my calendar where I kept daily notes. "Um. In the morning I went for a long run." I showed him my run tracker on my phone as proof. Then went on and gave him every detail of my day, including being stood up and sleeping at the condo. I couldn't imagine why he needed to know every single detail about my day.

"Can anyone confirm that you were at the condo?"

I searched my memory trying to think if anyone saw me that night. "The doorman, and after the grocery store, I took the elevator with my neighbor."

"I'll need their information and what store did you go to and what time?" Shaking my head, I finally began to lose it. I dumped my purse and ruffled through the contents until I found my receipt from the grocery store and handed it to him.

"What is going on? Why are you asking questions about my day?"

Calmly, he asked, "Do you know Stephen Henry?"

I stilled in my seat now having an entirely different worry. "Yes. Is he all right?"

"How do you know him?"

I swallowed the lump in my throat. "We're friends. He was the guy who stood me up on Thursday."

" _Friends?_ Who you . . ." He flipped through a notepad before going on. "See every Thursday?"

Hesitantly I replied, "Yeah. We have a regularly scheduled date."

"Why every Thursday?" Frustrated by the questions and not getting answers, I gritted my teeth. "We're both very busy and that night works for both of us."

He folded his hands in front of him. The look on his face told me he didn't believe me. "So, just friends?"

"What are you asking?" I felt the crease between my eyes grow deeper.

"Are you intimate?"

"As in?" I question.

"Do you have sex?" His calm, steady voice did nothing for my nerves.

Taking a deep breath, I tried to calm my racing heart. "Yes, we do."

"So, you're dating?"

"No. We both find relief with each other. He's a very nice man, and we don't have time for real relationships." _All true_. He nodded and wrote something down.

"So he was supposed to meet you on Thursday at what time?"

"Yes, at seven PM." He nodded again and kept writing. "For fuck's sake, tell me what has happened to him!" I clenched my fists and held back frustrated tears.

_What the hell was going on?_

Detective Brown scratched at the scruff on his chin, appearing as annoyed as I felt. "Mr. Henry was found dead in his home late last night." I muffled my cry with my fist and held back tears as I listened to the detective. "He was last seen late Wednesday evening by his business partner and no one has talked to or seen him since. We suspect he died sometime on Thursday. Most likely early morning."

Swallowing the lump in my throat, I managed to ask, "Do you know what happened?"

He didn't answer, instead he went on. "We noticed you had called and sent messages to him that night. When was the last time you saw Mr. Henry?"

"Um . . ." I shook my head trying to calm my thoughts. "The previous Thursday." I looked at the calendar on my phone. "December twenty-eighth around seven PM."

"Do you own a gun?" Shocked by the question, my mouth dropped open and no words came out. "Juliet, do you own a gun or have access to one?"

"No, I don't own a gun, and as far as I know, I don't have access to one. I've never held a gun, let alone owned one." It took a moment for everything to connect. "Oh my God! He was shot?" Tears streamed down my face imagining the horror. "Who would do that?"

"That's what we're trying to find out," he stated. "Would you like a drink? We have water or soda."

"Water. Please." I wiped at my tears trying to make sense of all of it.

The detective clicked on his pen and made some notes. "How well do you know Mr. Henry?"

"Not well. I mean I know what he likes in bed, but we don't talk a lot about work or anything outside the bedroom. I told you it's just about finding relief with each other once a week."

A moment later an officer walked in and set a paper cup of water on the table. My hand shook as I lifted it to my lips.

The detective stared at me for an uncomfortable amount of time before he spoke again. I don't know if he was trying to intimidate me with his stare but it wasn't necessary. I was terrified. "May I contact you at this same number if I have any more questions?" he asked.

"Yeah. I always have my cell with me."

"I noticed that your driver's license has a different address than where you were meeting Mr. Henry."

Though it wasn't addressed as a question, I explained the logistics to him. "I own the condo where he and I planned to meet on Thursday. It's where I work but I live at the address on my identification. Location wise, meeting at the condo is–was more convenient, for both of us."

He wrote some more notes then stood and shook my hand. "Thank you for coming in."

As I was leaving, I glanced around the room filled with detectives and found a familiar face wearing my favorite suit of his. He was speaking with a couple of police officers.

Jack's brows pinched as he watched me walk by without saying a word. I noticed him lift his phone and not a minute later, my phone dinged with a text from him.

**Jack:** Everything ok?

**Me:** No. Stephen murdered. They questioned me.

All my clients were aware of each other. It wasn't something done intentionally but since most of my clients were referred by other clients they knew who I spent my time with.

**Jack:** I'll look into it. Don't worry.

Having Jack as a client, a man who worked for the city and had a lot of connections, eased some of my anxiety. Even though I wasn't the slightest bit guilty, I hated the fact that someone questioned me and my intentions.

* * *

Walking to a nearby coffee shop, I texted Michael and asked to reschedule for the following day. I knew I couldn't be what Michael needed today. My nerves were shot, and the stress brick in my stomach was growing larger.

Though I disliked meeting more than one client a day, I decided to fit Michael in tomorrow evening after my regular noon appointment with Jack.

Michael replied immediately agreeing to the change in day leaving me feeling a little less stressed.

I stopped at the coffee shop and ordered the largest coffee and a scone. While standing in line, I felt someone watching me. I looked around and notice an attractive man standing a few feet from me staring at me. I gave him a forced smile and turned back around.

After picking up my order, I turned and noticed he was still staring at me. He smiled wider when he caught my eye. "Juliet?"

"Yes?" I didn't mean for it to sound like a question, but I was suspicious that a stranger knew my name.

"You don't remember me." His smile fell, and I immediately felt guilty.

"I'm sorry. You look familiar." And he did, but I couldn't pinpoint where I had seen him.

"I'm Bruce, Stephen Henry's partner. We met last year." He seemed a little too upbeat for a man whose partner just died.

"Oh, right. At a party." I had been Stephen's date. Something I didn't do often with clients besides Smith but I made an exception for one night. "I'm so sorry about Stephen. I was just at the police station. They questioned me."

He ran his hand up and down my arm, not looking nearly upset as I expected. "Yeah. I was on my way to speak to Detective Brown when I saw you come in here."

I took a step closer to him so others wouldn't hear. "Do you know of anyone who would do this?" I whispered.

He looked away from me and shook his head. "I wish I did. I can't believe he's gone."

_Me neither_.

It hadn't quit hit me yet that I would never see him again. Stephen and I weren't as close as I was with my other clients but his death hit me hard.

Bruce pointed over his shoulder toward the police station. "I should get going."

"Good luck and I'm so sorry about Stephen." I leaned in and gave him a hug.

His arms tightened and he held me for a few seconds before I stepped away. "Thanks, Juliet."

Twenty minutes later, I slumped onto the couch and called Sam, replaying my morning. "I'll look into it, Jules." Thank goodness for friends with connections and kick-ass computer skills. It was the same skills she used to keep me safe from potential clients. And got her paid the big bucks even though she dressed like a thirteen-year-old boy. Nobody cared as long as she did her job and found the goods on people.

"Thanks, Sam." I had no idea what I'd do without her.

"Order a large pizza, drink beer, hang out with Mr. Crabbypants and relax. Everything will be okay." It was exactly what I did and when Sam stopped by that evening with take-out and agreed to stay the night, the stress from the day finally eased.
10

# January 13th

To my relief, I hadn't heard from Detective Brown since Tuesday. I hoped that meant I was no longer a suspect.

According to the information Sam found, Stephen was shot from behind. Since there was no sign of a break-in, they assumed he knew his killer, but they had yet to locate the weapon.

After the emotional roller coaster of a week, I was relieved this evening was not at Fox Mansion. Smith and I had a regular appointment at the condo. Not only did I want him to myself but I wasn't in the mood to put on a show for the rich and ridiculous.

The first thing I noticed when I opened the door was how wrinkled Smith's clothes were. He looked like he had slept in them then wore them a second day. It was so out of character for him. Even on nights we didn't go to Fox, he looked professional and put together in a suit that fit him like a glove.

Tonight, he walked in carrying his briefcase with his suit jacket hanging over his arm. A tie hung from his open collar and his shirt sleeves were rolled up. I didn't know what to make of the sight before me.

When we met at the condo he tended to be more relaxed but not this evening. Tonight, his appearance was more casual, but the stress lines on his forehead concerned me. We didn't talk about work or how our days went so I wasn't sure what to say.

But something was definitely wrong.

After setting his briefcase next to the front door, I hung up his jacket in the closet while he stood silently in the entrance watching me. I smiled over my shoulder and tried to lighten his mood. "You look like you need a drink."

"I do," he said succinctly. When I walked to the bar, he came up behind me and placed a hand on my low back. "Let me get the drinks, you go sit down." I was pretty sure he could have tipped me over with a feather. It was my job to take care of him and he always let me.

I did what he said and took a seat on the couch, making sure to give him plenty of room. Relaxing into the corner of the sofa, I watched as his shoulders rose and fell with each breath in a hypnotic way. It wasn't often I got to stare at him like this and admire his beauty. I appreciated his broad shoulders and chest. He looked powerful in a suit, but a different kind of powerful undressed. It helped that I knew about his tight abs hidden underneath his dress shirt. Smith was tall and solid. If I had to judge by appearances, he took care of himself in every way.

Smith's facial expressions relaxed as he handed me a glass of wine and sat next to me holding his bourbon. My fingers ached to touch him to help him relax but he didn't always enjoy me touching him. At times, he appeared conflicted when he enjoyed my caresses.

After taking a sip of his drink, Smith leaned his head back, closed his eyes and sighed. I had to do something, and the one thing I knew helped men relax fast was a good old-fashioned blowjob. And I was good at them, if I said so myself. I slid off the couch and knelt in front of him.

Before he realized what I was doing, I placed my hands on his knees. He almost dropped his glass when he startled. I took his drink and set it on the table next to mine. "Let me help you relax." Once again, I placed my hands on his knees. This time he watched me as I ran my hands up his thighs until I reached his semi hard cock. His breath caught as he gripped my hand and held it against his growing erection for a moment. Without saying a word, he stared at our hands like he was trying to read me.

I leaned in until my lips were a breath away from his. "I want to make you feel good." He didn't normally let me touch him like this, but I could tell he needed it. He needed more than our usual.

Once his shoulders relaxed, he let go of my hands. I took my time unbuttoning his slacks and pulling down his zipper. The whole time watching his reaction. He focused his attention on my face instead of what I was doing to him.

A groan escaped his lips the second I put a hand in his briefs and ran my fingers down his long shaft.

Reaching behind myself, I picked up a condom I kept in a candy bowl on the coffee table. He took it from me and with a gravelly voice said, "I want to see your body, Juliet." Happy to please him, I unbuttoned my silk top letting it fall behind me, showing off my sexy see-through bra and a black pencil skirt, I wanted to do anything I could to please him.

I managed to shimmy out of my skirt and thong. I kicked them off to the side before I made a show of unlatching my bra.

His fists clenched at his sides until I moved my hands back to his thighs. He jumped up making me lose my balance. Before I fell over, he gripped my shoulders and helped steady me.

_So jumpy_.

He seriously needed to relax.

Once I was steady on my knees again, I realized his cock was right there. In licking distance. As I leaned in to take him in my mouth, he lifted me up and turned me around until I knelt on the couch facing away from him. "Don't move." His voice broke, and I heard him undress.

Standing behind me, I felt him nudge me with his cock as his hands ran down my back, curving around my ass where he kept them. The next thing I knew he was kneeling behind me and his tongue was licking my pussy.

_Not what I expected._

His fingers opened me up and he began fucking me with his tongue. I couldn't see him, but I imagined what it looked like. I tried to hold back my orgasm but I couldn't. I came embarrassingly fast. "Smith! Oh God! Smith!" He pumped his fingers in as wave after wave hit me. His tongue working as fast as his fingers.

If it hadn't felt so fucking good, I would've felt guilty. It was my job to make him come and instead I had come so hard my toes curled from the intensity.

I drew in a deep breath before Smith stood behind me, pulling my hips back as he pushed his cock into my now extremely sensitive and wet pussy.

He grunted as he pumped in and out of me, his fingers digging into my hips. I don't know what happened with him today but I liked how I benefited from it. He groaned, one more time as he came. I followed right behind him with another powerful orgasm.

After taking care of the condom, we laid naked on the couch. He spooned me from behind while his hand ran up and down my body spreading goosebumps over my skin. "I'm sorry. I hope I didn't hurt you. I would never intentionally . . ." His voice sounded pained.

"No. Of course not," I said sleepily. I was so close to dozing off. An incredible orgasm along with a warm body cuddling me? That was as good as a sleeping pill. I placed my hand over his that was tucked around my waist. "I know you'd never hurt me." His hand tightened just enough that if I weren't paying attention, I might not have noticed.

"Thank you, Juliet. I'll see you next week." I closed the door behind a freshly showered and more relaxed Smith.

Once alone, I cleaned up then jumped in the shower. My thoughts didn't stray far from Smith though. I declared it was only sex between me and my clients, but that wasn't true. I cared about these men. I worried about them and I wanted them to be happy. When they left here, I wanted them to be glad they spent time with me.

I wanted that for Smith more than anything. Unlike my other clients, I didn't believe that Smith wanted something more from women than what I gave him. With the others, I knew when they were ready for a real relationship, they would move on. Even Jack. But I didn't think that with Smith. It was just a hunch. He didn't need conversation or meals. We didn't have down time. Everything we did together had purpose. That alone made me want to please him more than my other clients.

Once the condo was prepared for Joseph for the following night, I went to the coffee shop. The store was empty except for one customer. "Bruce?" I asked.

He turned around in his chair and smiled. "Juliet. We keep running into each other."

He stood and kissed my cheek offering me a seat across from him. "I'll be right back." I placed my order and returned a few minutes later with a chai tea and blueberry muffin.

Bruce closed his laptop and eyed my choices. "Do you come here often?" he said with a laugh. "Goodness, that was horrible. I didn't mean for that to sound like a pick-up line. I meant that I've never seen you here before."

Breaking up my muffin, I offered him a piece he gladly took. "I do. Not every day but most days. It's near where I . . ." He knew what I did and he nodded in understanding. "What about you?"

"I just found it. There aren't many good coffee shops open this late and I tend to work better in the evening."

Looking around the cozy coffee shop with its mismatched furniture and eclectic lighting, and the scent of coffee and baked goods, made me feel welcome no matter the time or day.

"This one is the best I've found." It felt odd speaking about something so trivial when we were both dealing with heavy stuff. Like the death of his partner. I wondered if he worried that something might happen to him.

"Uh." he blushed. "I wanted to ask you if you were going to get a new client." That was the last thing I expected to hear out of his mouth. Did he think I was so heartless that figured my first thought would have been to find a replacement client?

"Oh, ummm. I hadn't thought about it, but eventually yes." But I wasn't in a hurry.

"Stephen spoke highly of you. I hoped that you could take me on as a client." For a split second, my jaw hung open and I didn't know what to say. I had my share of men ask to be clients but the timing just seemed off.

"It's rare I take on a new client." In fact it was rare that people knew what I did outside of my circle. Though Bruce made it clear that he knew what I did, it wasn't until that moment that I realized that Stephen must have told him. I couldn't control who did and didn't know but I was surprised that Stephen would tell. None of my clients would want to risk having the fact they paid me for sex publicized.

"No, I suspect it would be. If I were your client, I'd never give you up."

I smiled though his words sounded a little . . . possessive. I was probably just being sensitive. I'd been on edge for over a week. Maybe I should start doing yoga. It might help relax me and firm me up.

"I'll give you Sam's number. She takes care of the background checks and makes sure you see a physician to check for any STD's. All that has to be done before we would meet to discuss expectations and see if we would be a good fit."

"That sounds reasonable. How long does this all take?" He tapped his fingers on the table and I noticed his leg bounce while his tone turned frustrated.

"I'm not sure. I've never dealt with that. Sam could give you that information." I dug into my purse and pulled out her card. "Well, it's getting late." I stood and shook his hand. "It was nice seeing you again."

"I hope to see you real soon." I gave him a small smile trying to hide how uncomfortable the conversation had been.

Instead of going home, I decide to go to Sam's. I didn't feel like being alone and I could talk to her about Bruce.

The first thing she said when she opened the door was, "This guy Bruce just called me about becoming your client." With her hands fisted on her hips she waited for an explanation. It had been years since I interviewed for a new client.

"That was fast," I mumbled as I plopped down onto her couch.

"I told him I would call him back tomorrow and give him the rundown of the information I needed from him. According to him, he can afford your fee. He didn't even sound surprised by the amount."

My fees usually cut my potential client list in half. I wasn't ashamed to admit, I got paid a lot and not everybody wanted to pay that kind of money for sex.

"He was Stephen's partner. Maybe they discussed what he paid me."

Sam sat on the armrest of the couch as she talked to me. "Hmm. You think Stephen talked?"

I shrugged. "He must have."

Bracing her arms on her knees she looked skeptical. "Maybe." She didn't say anything for a while. "So, you ready to fill Stephen's spot?"

I leaned my head back staring at her ceiling. "I'm not, or wasn't. I guess it wouldn't hurt to meet some potential clients."

Sam shoved my leg with her foot to get my attention. "Well, I have a list I can contact and set up meetings. Give you a few options to choose from."

I shook my head. "I'll just meet Bruce for now. He was Stephen's partner so he had to be a half decent person and he did seem friendly."

Sam hesitated for a moment. "Sure. Whatever you want, Jules. You don't even have to take another client if you don't want to. It's not like you need the money. I've seen your bank statements."

I slipped off my shoes and tucked my legs underneath me. "I know but, this past Thursday felt so . . . empty without Stephen." Since as long as I could remember, I rarely had time alone. I still wasn't comfortable with it which was why I had a client for every day.

"Okay. All I ask is that you do what is best for you."

"I will. I promise."

"It's pretty late. Why don't you sleep over? We can snuggle like we used to when I had bad dreams."

"Really?" I had forgotten about that. Maybe sleeping next to Sam would help with _my_ bad dreams.

"Jules, you're my best friend. I'd do anything for you like you would for me. And I can tell you aren't sleeping well." I rubbed my eyes remembering I wasn't wearing makeup, so the dark circles were probably visible.

"Does sleeping next to someone still help?" I asked. When we left the cult together, we spent several years sharing a bed. Her cuddled up next to me. I told myself it was for her but I found comfort having her near.

She shrugged. "Yeah. I guess."

"Is that why you always have a girl stay over?"

She laughed and rolled her eyes. "Mostly. But I also love pussy. If I'm lucky then I get pussy then cuddling. What could be better than that?" Even though she joked about it, I knew the truth. She was like me and didn't like being alone. I didn't like being left alone with my thoughts and memories.

"Dick and cuddling?" I asked.

Sam threw a throw pillow at my face. "Blech. Stop talking. Dicks are so gross." Something she knew from firsthand knowledge. Walking to the kitchen, Sam lifted a bag of microwave popcorn. "How about a movie?"

Settling into the couch, I let myself relax. "Sounds perfect."

"Why don't you change into something comfortable." She nodded toward her bedroom. "While I get the popcorn and movie ready."

I managed to find a T-shirt and shorts. Even though they were baggy on Sam because of her pixie size, they fit me perfectly. I didn't know why I didn't wear basketball shorts more often. "Man, these things are comfy," I announced as I slumped back onto the couch.

"Right?" Sam turned on the movie then patted her thigh. My cue to lay my head on her lap so she could play with my hair. This was one of the many reasons why I loved Sam. We may argue, but we loved like sisters.
11

# January 15th

"This sucks," I grumbled to myself as I stuffed the washer with another load of dirty clothes. This was my second attempt at washing my clothes this week. My first ended with the laundry floor flooding in the condo and a call to maintenance. Several hundred dollars later, I had a new washing machine ordered but it wouldn't arrive for another week. So, I was stuck in the apartment complex laundry room hoping I wouldn't have to fight over the machines.

So far so good.

My phone dinged with an incoming text when I was in the middle of moving a load from the washing machine to the dryer.

**Jack:** I need to change our time from noon to 7 and I want to hang around tonight.

**Me:** No problem. Dinner?

**Jack:** I'll pick up Chinese. Your usual?

**Me:** Yes please. See you tonight.

"Boyfriend?" A voice from behind me asked. I turned around and grinned at cute neighbor guy who had his arms full carrying two baskets of laundry. His blond haired blue eyed mini me, Cole, trailed behind him carrying the detergent.

"No. Work." I made a point not to tell him I didn't have a boyfriend.

"Oh, what do you do?" Ugh. Trent asked the one question I hated answering. He began sorting his clothes while I answered.

"I have my own business. I teach men how to date."

His eyes widened and his hands stilled, holding a pair of tiny jeans. "Really?" The words came out with a half laugh.

_No but,_ "Yes what about you?" I asked to keep him from questioning me more about work.

Smiling he shook his head and began sorting again. "Dry Waller."

Before I could ask more questions, Cole began to complain. "Dad, I'm hungry and I don't like it down here." I didn't either. The lights flickered and the room was dingy and smelled like mildew.

"I know, bud. I'm hurrying as fast as I can then I can make you lunch." He finished loading the machines the same time I finished folding my first load.

I couldn't believe I was doing this, but I had more leftovers than I could eat from my dinner with Joseph the night before. I thought it would be a good idea to make extra so I didn't have to cook this week but I went a little overboard.

"If you guys like fried chicken, you're welcome to come over for lunch. I have plenty plus mashed potatoes and gravy."

Trent's smile widened and I immediately felt guilty. _Was I leading him on?_ I just wanted to share my food. "Thanks, Juliet. We would love to wouldn't we, bud?" Cole didn't answer, he was too busy playing with his dinosaurs.

While I heated up the food, Trent received a call. I couldn't help overhear. Something about his babysitter canceling. A few minutes later he hung up the phone and ran a hand through his hair and his face pinched with frustration. I couldn't imagine what it was like to be a single parent. It did make me curious about Cole's mother. I had yet to see a sign of a woman living with them.

"Everything okay?" I asked.

"Yeah. My babysitter is sick so she can't watch Cole tomorrow but she gave me a number to someone else."

I wanted to scream at myself for offering this but I felt bad for him. "I could maybe help sometime. My work schedule is different everyday but you can always ask if you're in a bind."

The tension in his shoulders eased as he gave me a relieved smile. "Thanks, Juliet, for your offer. I might take you up on it."

"Do. But I should warn you, I don't have a lot of experience with kids. Okay, I don't have any experience but we seem to get along okay?" I pointed to Cole who was loving on Mr. Knightly, and for once Mr. Knightly was on his best behavior.

Classical music played in the background as Jack pounded into me. Sweat dripped from his forehead as he moved over me rhythmically. He seemed to have some extra aggression this evening. "Fuck!" Jack chanted with every pump. His arms strained to hold his weight over me. Wrapping my legs around his waist, I moved against him with every thrust.

I had assumed men's sex drives slowed down at his age, but Jack didn't seem to be showing signs of that.

When Jack first arrived, he asked for a drink, but somewhere between the front door and the wet bar, he could no longer wait to fuck me. Before I knew it, my dress was on the floor and my panties pushed aside. He managed to at least get his pants below his knees. His shirt was now sopping wet with sweat. Not that he cared.

An hour later, I stepped out of the shower knowing there was a content Jack waiting for me somewhere in the condo. He showered first since he enjoyed cold showers and I preferred them to be hot enough to turn my skin pink. I pulled on a robe and went in search of my client.

I found him on the balcony with a cigarette hanging from his lips. He had that sexy bad boy look to him tonight. I could imagine him being quite the catch when he was younger. Not that he wasn't now, but years seemed to harden him a bit.

I slid open the sliding glass door and stepped out into the freezing cold. _How could he stand out here with only slacks on?_ The hair all over his body must be some sort of heater.

"I thought you quit."

He offered me a puff but I shook my head. I never had the desire to smoke and had been working on helping him quit for years. "I did but then I realized it was in the best interest of everyone that I don't." He didn't look the least bit regretful either. At least he was wise enough to smoke out here instead of inside the condo.

"But it's not good for you." He brought the cigarette to his lips but I took it out of his hand. I put it out on the guardrail before he could take another puff.

He groaned right before he wrapped an arm around me and pulled me close. "Come here, woman!" The mischievous look on his face excited me. He was being playful. I liked playful Jack. But I liked playful Jack more when he didn't have cigarette breath.

I leaned my head back scrunching my nose at his stinky breath. He grumbled but pulled mints out of his pocket and popped a few in his mouth.

"You're as bad as a wife." I narrowed my eyes at him. That was quite the insult considering how he felt about his ex. "No. My wife would have stopped having sex with me by now." The bite in his voice gave away his bitterness.

Sometimes I wondered if he was still in love with his ex-wife. It would explain why after all these years he still came to see me instead of trying to have a real relationship. He worked a lot and he wasn't romantic in any sense but he was a good guy. According to him, he was not good husband material. I'm not sure what that meant.

Once his breath was minty fresh, I allowed him to kiss my breath away. Between kisses I asked, "What's with the cigarettes tonight?" He grumbled but finally came out with it.

"It's my night with the girls but the ex asked to keep them tonight. She wants to introduce them to their soon-to-be step-grandparents."

"So, it's official? Your ex is getting remarried?"

He sighed and looked out onto the city lights. "Yeah. Happened last week."

Well, that explained his aggression. "That's the reason you're hanging out with me tonight?"

"That and my house is too quiet." He was getting moody so I decided to take care of it. I pulled a condom out of the pocket of my robe. The second Jack saw it, he unzipped his pants. A few minutes later, he came with my lips wrapped around his cock. When I rose, his mischievous smile was back.

I squeaked when he dropped to a lounge chair and pulled me onto his lap. By this point, I could barely feel my fingers and toes, but I didn't want to ruin the moment. I reached for the outside heater to turn it on and pulled out a blanket I kept in a storage container.

When I leaned against Jack's chest, he covered us with the blanket then wrapped his arms around me. I couldn't help sigh. It was nice cuddling with him and feel his body wrapped around mine.

"So, how are the girls?" I asked threading my fingers with his. After years being my client, I knew a lot about Jack. Including his love for his daughters and his struggle as a single father. He often came to me when he had nobody else to talk to. It was the same with most of my clients. There was something about being sexually vulnerable with someone that opened them up to me. Well, except for Smith. He was still a mystery.

"Fine. I guess. Every year they get older and every year I understand them less. Did I tell you my oldest has a boyfriend? A fucking boyfriend." He leaned his head back and I felt his body tense. "I swear it was yesterday that I held her tiny little body in my arms for the first time. I'm not ready for this shit."

"No parent is prepared for that shit." Except maybe mine who pressured me to do things with _him_ but my mother wasn't normal. "Plus, what did I tell you before?"

He tried to mimic my voice but it came out gruff. "Love her and be a good dad and she won't go looking around for someone to fill the void," he repeated.

I patted his hand. "Very good."

"Is that why you are the way you are?" he asked sincerely.

I took in a deep breath and soaked in his question. "I don't know. Maybe." _Probably._

His hold on me tightened. I wondered if I was exactly what he feared for his daughters. "Was your dad active in your life?"

I shook my head. "I don't know who my dad is. It was always just me and Mom." And _him_. But I didn't want to bring up that subject.

"Serious?" Jack had no patience for people who didn't take their responsibilities seriously. Especially parenting.

"Yeah. My mom would never tell me who he was." Just that I belonged to _him_ and _he_ was the only man that mattered.

"You curious?"

"Of course. I am human. But a part of me doesn't want to know the man who abandoned me. You know?"

Jack kissed the top of my head. "Yeah. I guess."

No longer wanting to discuss my past, I asked him if he wanted to come inside and watch a movie. He smirked and lifted me off his lap. "Sure, if movie is code for my dick deep inside you."
12

# January 18th

The last time Bruce saw me I had looked a little less put together. So, I put a little more effort into dressing up. The flirty skirt and low cut blouse was sexy yet still appropriate for a late lunch.

He and I were meeting at an Italian restaurant he had picked that wasn't too far from the condo. It made me wonder if he lived nearby since his office was on the other side of town and he claimed to come here often. He proved that point by knowing the waiters and waitresses by name.

The place was busy, and a little noisy but the atmosphere felt intimate. We sat in a corner booth giving us a bit more privacy. I had no desire for others to hear our conversation.

"So, I guess this means I passed the first two tests?" he asked with a nervous chuckle.

"Yes. Yay for you for not having a prison record or any sexually transmitted diseases." Once the words were out, I wanted to hide under the table.

_Who talked to a potential client like that?_

Okay, so I might say something like that to Jack, but, it was Jack.

_I needed more sleep._

Plus, it had been way too long since I had to do this interview thing. It made me question if I were really ready to find a new client.

_Would it be so bad to have a free day?_

Bruce raised his brows as he chuckled again. His ultra-white teeth gleamed against his tanned skin. With perfectly trimmed nails, and a large muscled body you can only get working out at a gym, he made it clear that appearances were important to him.

In an attempt to distract him from my runaway mouth, I got down to business.

An hour and a half later, we had empty plates and dessert dishes along with an agreement between us.

Bruce had been pleasant and a complete gentleman. There were moments when I felt like he was trying too hard but that was flattering. I didn't take for granted the fact someone wanted to pay me lots of money for something they could get for free or for far less.

Out of everything we discussed, the only sticky point was the amount of time he wanted. I wouldn't give him more days not only because I didn't like to have more than one client a day but I still didn't know him well.

When we discussed his likes, dislikes and what he expected during our appointments, nothing was outrageous or gave me pause. As wishy washy as I had felt about getting a new client, I felt like this might actually be a good match for me.

"Did Sam go over the ground rules for you?"

"She did, but I'd like to hear it from you." He leaned in with his elbows on the table looking relaxed.

"Okay. Well first, condoms. I'll supply them, and they are not optional."

His head bobbed up and down. "I can handle that."

"Nobody else is invited to our appointments. That means no third or fourth person. If You want that, then I can find you someone else that has no issue with it."

He tilted his head with a smirk. "So, you don't care for ménage's?"

"It isn't that, but when you add a third person, or more, then there is a greater risk of someone talking. I take the privacy of my clients seriously. Inviting someone that isn't part of the agreement risks that security. Also, three or more people creates a lot of fluids and well, I don't want to risk getting STD's. Like I said, if you want that then I can find someone who would be a better fit for you."

His eyes widened and he shook his head. "No. I'm good with it being only you and I."

_So far so good._

Years ago, Sam and I came up with the rules. She used her past as an example of what boundaries I should make and what not to do. Thanks to her, I had yet to have a problem with any of clients and my rules.

"Okay, well keeping in line with avoiding STD's, you agree to only have sex with me. I know it sounds unfair considering I have four other clients, but I use protection every time and get tested regularly, and so do my clients."

"Yeah. I guess I struggle with that." My stomach dropped and I wondered if this was really going to work.

"If you want a different arrangement, I can find someone else that will fit your needs . . ." I knew enough girls in the business that there was someone for everyone. I just hated the idea of having to go through this again to find another client.

He shook his head. "No no. This is going to work, Juliet." He took my hand in his and held it.

"Well, if you agree to those terms then we can schedule to meet for our first appointment."

Squeezing my hand, he gave me a smile. "I'd like that. How soon can we meet?"

We were interrupted by the waiter dropping off the check. Bruce released my hand to reach for it but I got to it first. I placed cash on the tray and slid it to the edge of the table. He glared at it until I spoke again.

"We'll always meet on Thursday. If that day doesn't work, I can see if someone else can switch."

"No that'll work. I just hate that it's a week away." The smile on his face contradicted the irritation in his voice.

I patted his hand. "It'll be here before you know it." He smiled, but it looked strained.

Bruce pressed a hand at my lower back as he guided me out of the restaurant. Leaning in he kissed my cheek and waved goodbye.

The sun was out, but a chill clung to the air. For once, I didn't feel like walking. After catching a cab, I called Sam. "What's up chickadee?"

"I just had lunch with Bruce and agreed to meet him next Thursday for our first appointment."

Soft rock played over the speaker as the driver sang along to the song.

"You don't sound overly excited?" I suppose I did sound business like but it wasn't that I wasn't excited. I was just nervous.

"He's nice, I...I don't know. We'll see how things go on Thursday." The driver looked in the rearview mirror and smiled as he kept singing. His happy demeanor put a smile on my face though I was feeling out of sorts.

"Hey, Juliet. You don't have to do this. You know that, right?" I appreciated her concern but I didn't want my irrational concern to affect my job.

"Yes. I know. But there's no reason not to either."

I could hear Sam sigh on the other end of the phone. "Okay. But if you change your mind, say the word and I'll take care of it."

We had this discussion countless times and it was getting old. I would quit when I was ready. But I loved that she cared. "Thanks, Sam."

"I'll text you when his funds go through or if any issues arise between now and then."

"What would I do without you?"

"You'll never know." I smiled hearing those words. Sam was my family. I needed her and couldn't imagine not having her in my life.

"Thank, God."

After paying for the cab, I got out just as the cute neighbor and his son pulled up to the apartment building.

"Hey, guys. How are you?" Now that we were laundry buddies, I considered us friends. Cole ran up to me holding dinosaurs in both fists while Trent carried Cole's backpack and lunch box. Trent appeared to have a layer of dust covering him from head to toe and had the appearance of someone who couldn't wait to get in the shower and relax after a hard day.

"You look pretty." Cole stated.

"Thank you, Cole!" He beamed at me pleased how happy his comment made me. "I guess it's better than my jeans and T-shirt I usually wear."

"You're _pretty_ no matter what you wear," Trent added as his cheeks blushed.

"That's very sweet to say." I smiled but refrained from flirting back. No matter how cute he was, or how good he looked in T-shirts and jeans that showed off his fit body, I never wanted to give him the wrong idea. I didn't date. It would be cruel to let him assume otherwise. He deserved a sweet girl who loved cute guys with adorable kids . . . and didn't get paid to have sex.

"Did you get your babysitter situation worked out?"

He ran a hand through his already messy hair. "Yes. Thank you for the offer."

"The invitation is always open," I said sincerely though I was still terrified to be alone with his kid . . . or anyone's kid. When I unlocked my door, I waved a goodbye. "I'll see you guys around."

Trent opened his mouth to say something but Cole interrupted him by speaking first. "See you later alligator."

"In a while crocodile," I returned. His contagious three-year-old giggle filled the hallway making me laugh. Trent waved goodbye as he herded Cole toward their apartment.

Mr. Knightly meowed at me from his perch on the window seal. "Now what, Mr. Knightly?" I had the evening free but had no idea what to do with myself. This was the second Thursday in a row I felt aimless. That was until I looked at my fridge and saw all my photos of Italy.

After changing into my yoga pants, I went online and did fun research on how to get around in Italy and checked travel sites to find the must-see places.

April was too far away.
13

# January 19th

"Mmm, you taste so good." Jack licked his lips before pressing his face between my thighs to lick my clit. My fingers clenched the sheets as he teased me to the point of torture.

"Jack," I whined. My sweat-covered body shook beneath his hands.

_So. Fucking. Good._

He lifted his head with a smirk. "Yes, Juliet?"

"You better take care of it, or I'm pushing you out of the way," I threatened.

By the sound of his chuckle, he didn't take me seriously. His hands pressed my legs further apart while his tongue went to work on me.

He had been at this for a while now. Teasing me but never letting me tip over the precipice. I hated and loved him for what he was doing to me.

I had never met a guy who loved going down on a girl as much as him. He seemed to get off on it as much as if I gave him a blowjob. I think he also thought it funny to tease me. The jerk.

Not an hour ago, we fucked in this very bed. He even showered and changed back into his suit. But as I walked him to the front door, he decided he wanted a treat before heading back to work.

_I was the treat._

_Thank God._

When he slipped in two fingers and curved them, so they hit _that_ spot just right, I came hard. His hand dripped with my juices when he pulled his fingers out. With a content smile, he licked his fingers before heading to the bathroom to wash up. I suppose it wasn't good to smell like sex at work.

I laid in bed breathing hard, my legs still spread wide for him.

God, I loved it when he was in the mood for a treat.

Jack came back into the bedroom looking pleased with himself. He should, that was awesome. "I'd get up, but my legs are jello."

"Don't worry about it." He leaned over and kissed me hard and fast. "I'll see you Monday at noon." Too drained to speak, I waved a hand, or tried to anyway.

Years ago when Jack requested to see me multiple times a week, I questioned my sanity when I agreed. But I had never regretted it once. He was easy to please, fun to spend time with and I just . . . liked him even on his grumpy days and my cranky days. Today I was particularly happy he was my client.

I woke up splayed out on top of the covers, my body sticky and smelling of sweat and sex. Checking my phone, I realized I had fallen asleep hours ago. "So all I need is to be eaten out every night before bed to get a good night's sleep." I laughed not the slightest bit embarrassed I had been talking to myself.

Sam had sent me a few texts reminding me it was our night to meet for drinks. Actually, it was more like Sam's night to hook up with a random chick and for me to drink by myself and determine whether I should drive home or not.

Still, it was only once a month, and I never missed a night out with her. That's what friends were for.

Since it was late and I didn't have time to go to my apartment to change, I picked an outfit out of my sexy closet. AKA my work closet. Normally, I leaned toward casual wear, even on nights out with Sam, but I didn't have much of a choice.

The bar was wall to wall people. Everyone talking almost drowned out the music.

I had texted Sam when I first arrived, but I had yet to see her through the throngs of people. While waiting for Sam to find me, I ordered a beer and avoided making eye contact with the group of guys sitting at a nearby table. I wasn't here for them, though my clothing might say differently.

The first words out of Sam's mouth were, "What's with the outfit?" She looked me up and down inspecting me.

I leaned in so she could hear me as she guided me to a table. "I fell asleep at the condo and didn't have time to go home and change."

She stopped and looked at me again. "That's the least dressy thing you could find?"

"What?" I looked down at my token black cocktail dress. It wasn't the dress she might have been talking about but the shoes. I didn't have a lot of options, so I wore my shimmery high heels that I wore to the New Year's Eve party. They dressed up my plain dress a little more, but I loved these shoes. They were so pretty.

Sam raised her brows and shook her head. "Guys are going to be all over you tonight."

I shrugged. It wasn't like I didn't know how to handle a man.

Sam took my hand and pushed through the crowd until we came to a table where a beautiful blonde sat.

"Who's this?" I waved my hand at the blonde surprised how quickly Sam had picked up a woman tonight. It usually took her at least an hour.

Sam grinned and introduced me. "Juliet, this is Rainbow." I almost spit out my sip of beer.

_What kind of name was Rainbow?_

I reached over the table and shook her hand.

"Hi," she said cheerfully while she bobbed her head to the music.

"Nice to meet you." I took the seat across from her then leaned into Sam. "Isn't she a little too . . . happy for your taste?"

"I like her. Leave it alone." To each their own.

Rainbow stood holding her drink, giving me a better view of her dress and her boobs that wanted to escape. At least now I understood why Sam was into her.

Rainbow closed her eyes as she began to sway her hips to her own rhythm. She must of heard something I didn't because she was off beat from the music playing overhead.

While Rainbow was lost in her little world, I looked Sam square in the eyes. "What do you have in common with her?"

"We both love licking pussy. Seriously. She's really good. This is a serious relationship for me." I couldn't tell if she was being sincere.

"O-kay." I shook my head.

Sam lost her smile and leaned back in her chair, her arms braced on the table. "What's your problem?"

"You said not too long ago that you wanted to find a girl to settle down with. You would settle down with her?" I asked pointing to Rainbow who was still dancing by herself.

"I would die a happy woman having Rainbow's tongue on my pussy for the rest of my life."

"As long as she didn't speak?" I wouldn't have been so hard on Sam if she wasn't always giving me life advice.

"She'll be too busy licking me."

I huffed. "Sam . . ."

"I'm just having fun. There's nothing wrong with that. You should try it sometime." Sam took a pull from her beer and leaned in. "You need a drink. You're ruining my fun."

"This is your fault, you know."

She pointed at herself with her beer then shook her head. "I'm the reason you're crabby?"

I faced her so she could hear me loud and clear. "Yes. Ever since I saw Dr. Thomas over two weeks ago, I haven't had a good night's sleep. Every night I wake up in a sweat."

Sam's irritation turned to concern as she set her bottle down. "You have nightmares every night?"

I slunk back in my chair and sighed. "I assume. I mean, I don't always remember all my dreams, but it's bad enough that I wake up from them."

Sam squeezed my arm to gain my attention. "You need to go back and see her again. Work through it so it won't bother you so much." With a smirk, she said, "Then maybe you'll be likable again."

Laughing, I bumped her foot with mine and asked, "What's your excuse?"

Sam mumbled, "bitch," then looked me straight in the eyes. "Juliet, it worked for me. Keep going. It couldn't hurt."

"If I had never gone . . ."

Sam pressed her fingers to my lips. "Shhhh, you are ruining my buzz tonight. Just go back and talk to Dr. Thomas. It won't kill you. Seriously. Look at me." She waved her hand over her body like Vanna White. "I've told her so much ugly shit, and I'm still alive."

Sick of the conversation and telling her no, I went back to discussing the big breasted blonde dancing seductively by herself. "So how did you meet her?"

"At the grocery store. She flirted." Sam shrugged. "I flirted back."

I glanced over at Rainbow then back to Sam. "Are you really serious about this girl?" If she was, I promised myself to put some effort into getting to know her.

"No. She's happily married to a man."

"Wait!" My eyes bulged. "What?"

"She wants a side piece." Sam grinned ear to ear. "I'm the side piece."

"Yeah. I got that. But..."

"Don't get your panties in a bunch, they have an open marriage. Sometimes they share. Sometimes they don't. Right now, they don't since I won't have dick anywhere near me. I had enough of it when we were kids."

Sam's comment, even if she were joking, made my stomach drop. The things she had to do before we got out... She never told me everything and swore I didn't want to know. I believed her.

"So Jack wore you out today?" she asked changing the subject.

"You have no idea." I sighed remembering how relaxed I felt afterward.

"Man, Jack never fails to impress me. He fucked you so good that you fell asleep?"

My smile answered her question.

"He must be good for an old guy."

I swatted at her annoyed that she would talk about him that way. "He's not that old!" At least it never felt that way.

"It wasn't like I was calling him Joseph old, but you know . . . older-er. Not in his twenty's like you."

"Or in his thirties like you?"

That sobered her up. "Let's clarify this. I'm thirty. Not _in_ my thirties." Sam's shoulders dropped. "God, I'm thirty. When did that happen?"

"Probably when you were making out with a random chick."

"Hardy! Har! Har! You're so funny." Sam pushed her chair back and announced she was getting another drink. When she returned, she looked even more depressed. "Juliet, we're at the age we should be thinking about settling down."

I shook my head. "Say's you. I don't want to settle down, and by the type of women you date, you don't really either."

"But I do. I just can't help myself. I like the ladies."

I flicked off her baseball cap and told her to go dance with her woman to cheer herself up. She didn't argue.

Once alone, I noticed the guys around me. I found one that didn't look too young and made eye contact. A few minutes later, I was on the dance floor grinding my body against his. Thanks to years as a stripper, I had some pretty hot moves. And I used them tonight. Sadly, the guy who spent the evening with me went home empty handed.

It did make me wonder what it would be like to be normal and ask a guy to come back to my place. I didn't think I was missing out.

As the cute boy asked me for my number, Sam drew my attention. "Juliet? I need your help."

"Sorry," I fake pouted and waved goodbye to the cute boy. "What's the matter?" Sam pointed to her passed out date sitting at our table with one breast hanging out of her top.

It was a good thing I loved Sam.
14

# January 21st

"Son of a—" Sam held her palm to her cheek as tears sprung from her eyes. "Did you do that on purpose?" she screamed.

I set my racket on the ground and tried to move her hand to see the damage. It wasn't like I meant to hit her in the face with the racquetball. "Tell me you love me," I begged.

Sam didn't say a word just took in deep breaths and blew them out slowly. "I'm so fucking sorry, Sam. It was an accident."

"I can't believe men kiss that mouth," she yelled. I thought for sure she was going to hit me with her racket when I began to laugh. She was more concerned about my language than the fact I accidentally hit her?

"They do a lot more than kiss this mouth, and they like it," I joked.

Two guys sitting behind the tempered glass deep in conversation suddenly became very interested in our game.

I cringed noticing the bruise forming on Sam's cheek. I would have guessed by her scowl that she wasn't in a laughing mood yet.

"Seriously? I don't understand your love of cock. They're kind of creepy looking. Like a snake with one eye."

I couldn't believe we were having this conversation instead of getting ice for her face. "But if used correctly, they can be a lot of fun," I pointed out.

Sam rubbed her cheek then flipped me off. "Next time you want to list all the terms you found for the word penis, refrain from sharing them with me. I don't find it nearly as funny, and it distracted me from our game."

I laughed until I had to cross my legs to keep from peeing myself. "You asked!"

She pointed her racket and me. "I didn't think it would make me blush and miss the ball."

"You didn't miss the ball; it hit you right here." I pointed to her cheek.

Sam lifted her racket and began chasing me with it. "I'm sorry!" I screamed while laughing.

I didn't make it far; I was giggling too hard.

Somehow, we ended up in a pile on the floor laughing until we were sighing. "Man that hurt," she muttered.

"It looks like it did and I'm so sorry." I kissed her cheek right over her forming bruise.

"We still have ten minutes. You want to finish the game?"

Pushing Sam off of me, I grunted, "Of course not. I think we gave these guys a good enough show."

"I agree. Let's go get waffles. I'm starving," Sam stated.

She spoke my language.

Once we were seated and had our food ordered at our favorite waffle place, I asked, "How did it go with your lady friend?"

Sam dropped the bag of ice she'd been holding against her cheek "Fine. She stayed until this morning. I guess her and her husband have church today."

I blinked at her.

"I know," she said incredulously. "I don't know what's up with that. I guess they have an open church or something." Or they're members of the same cult as my mother. But the cult didn't have services on Sunday's.

"Are you going to see her again?"

Sam hissed in pain when she shook her head. I think the hit to the face did more than cause a bruise on her cheek. "Probably not. It's too weird being with a woman who is married to a man. I thought it would be fun to show her how good it could be with me but . . . It's the whole dick thing."

The waitress setting our plates on the table muffled a laugh. I smiled and winked at her.

Me and Sam's conversations could be very entertaining, but we often had to watch what we said in public. Not everybody appreciated vagina and penis talk.

"Plus, you don't like sharing," I pointed out.

"There is that. Well, at least with a dude. I mean if it was another woman, maybe . . ."

This time I muffled a laugh, and had so many questions. I had never been all that interested in Sam's sex life. Mine had always been exciting enough, but now she had me curious.

If a large family with little kids hadn't just sat down next to us, I would've asked for details. I couldn't help be curious about Sam and her multiple partners.

After grocery shopping and laying out a clean dress for tonight, I decided to spend a few hours at the coffee shop to do a bit more Italy research.

Every day my excitement grew, and my list of places to see got longer. It was good I had a whole month to explore. Though I wasn't sure if that would be enough time to see everything on my list. If not, I could always go back, I reasoned. I was young and had plenty of time to see the rest of the world.

"Am I interrupting?" Bruce smiled at me then leaned in to look at my computer screen. "Going to Italy?" he asked before I could answer his first question.

I closed the lid of my laptop and smiled though I was annoyed he would look at my screen without permission.

"Hi. Yeah. Remember when I said I took the month of April off?"

"Oh. Right, yeah." He eyed the chair next to mine, but I didn't offer him a seat.

The sweet, obedient girl in me didn't want to be rude, but the grown up me wanted some privacy while I dreamt about my vacation. "I travel every April. This year I'm headed to Italy."

Not taking my hint, Bruce sat down without asking. "That must be nice. Did you ever consider taking clients or specifically a client?" He leaned back in the chair crossing his beefy arms over his chest looking anything but relaxed.

I pinched my brows wondering if he was trying to get an invite to my vacation or if he was asking me to go somewhere with him. "No. Everyone needs a vacation from life, don't you think?"

His smile fell. "So you can't wait to get away from your clients?" he asked with a little bite to his words.

"I didn't say that." My frustration was growing. I had a feeling no matter what I said, he would be offended. "It's nice to not have any responsibilities for a few weeks."

That answer didn't make him any happier. "I guess."

He had this information when we agreed to meet. What was going on? Was he changing his mind?

"So are you working or . . ." He was dressed casual in jeans and T-shirt but I asked wondering why he would be here on a Sunday when most offices were closed today.

"No. I had a craving for a cup of the best coffee around." He raised his glass and managed to give me half a smile.

"Yeah. Me too." I tapped my fingers on the table feeling more uncomfortable with every minute. Having a conversation with Bruce was a lot of work.

"I called Detective Brown to see if he had gotten any further on Stephen's case but he didn't say much. Have you heard anything?"

Taken back by the abrupt change of conversation, it took me a moment to answer. "I haven't heard anything. I assumed if they caught the person, we would have heard about it on the news."

His brown eyes darkened as he glanced around the room and mumbled, "I guess."

"It would be nice to know the killer was behind bars," I stated.

"Mhmm," he answered as if he were deep in thought.

"Well, I have someplace I have to be." It wasn't a lie. Eventually, I would need to go to the condo. I shoved my laptop into my bag ready to make a break from this conversation. I hoped Thursday night wasn't going to be this painful. I hated the idea of having to tell him I changed my mind.

"Client?" he asked.

_Did he really want to know?_

I didn't answer his question but said, "I need to get dinner in the oven. I'll see you Thursday."

He stood with me and followed me out the door. "Can I walk you home?"

"No. Thank you for the offer, but I'm good. Goodbye, Bruce."

"See you later, Juliet." I waved and fast walked toward the condo. Something was off. It could have been me, I reasoned. Or maybe he was under a lot of pressure with his business. I mean his partner did get murdered. That had to be why he was acting strangely.

Once I stepped into the condo, I immediately called Sam. "Can you do another background check on Bruce?"

"Why? Is something wrong? Did he do something?"

"No . . . I just . . . I don't know. I saw him at the coffee shop, and it was . . . weird. I can't explain it."

"Sure, but I doubt I'll find anything. Besides a couple of speeding tickets and spending a lot of money at a tanning salon, his background check came back clean."

"Just check it one more time. Please."

"Okay," she said reluctantly.

After hanging up with Sam, I went about preparing dinner and prepping the evening for Joseph. There was something calming about making dinner and getting dressed up. It could be that feeling of ritual and normalcy. No matter what it was, I liked it.

Of course, nothing compared to seeing Joseph. His smile alone eased any tension. Within minutes of being with him, my time with Bruce was forgotten. I was back to being myself and enjoying an evening with one of my favorite people who always made me smile.

Unfortunately, the feeling didn't last. When Joseph left, concern over my strange encounter with Bruce returned.

I rushed through cleaning up and preparing for the following day then headed home. The whole walk to my apartment, I kept having this feeling that I was being watched. I was probably being paranoid. If I hadn't had this weird feeling, I would have laughed at myself.

When I reached my apartment, I decided to hang out with Ruth for a while, at least until I felt comfortable being alone. As much as I loved my cat, Mr. Knightly wasn't the protective type and didn't make me feel safe.
15

# January 25th

My stomach had been in knots since the moment I woke. Tonight was my first scheduled night with Bruce. It was always stressful having sex with a new client for the first time but I was still feeling uneasy about him.

Sam had done another background check and swore I had nothing to worry about. I believed her, but it didn't calm my nerves. It had been two years since I took on a new client. The last one was Smith and I never felt uneasy about him.

"Chill out. You're worrying about nothing," I reminded myself.

I arrived at the condo early to make sure everything was perfect for my evening with Bruce. I had a general idea of what he wanted and expected, but there was always a learning curve in the beginning.

The first thing I did was put his name on my visitor list so the doorman would allow him up. Then I made sure there was a variety food in case he got hungry and I restocked the wet bar.

Sex, food and booze. All the necessities.

It took a good hour to pick out what to wear. First the lingerie. Something sexy yet easy to remove. Same with the dress. After tonight I should have a better idea of what to expect.

Pacing the entrance, I anxiously waited for the knock on the door.

From the moment Bruce walked in, his hands were on me. Barely a hello before his tongue was in my mouth. His kiss bruising, pushing me past my comfort level. Particularly for a first meeting.

I had my work cut out for me. Getting and keeping the upper hand would be challenging with him.

After managing a hello, he tugged on my dress until I put enough space between us to pull the dress over my head. My heart raced as I felt his intensity grow.

Before I knew it, he had me on my back, half off the couch with my panties tugged down to my knees and him rolling a condom onto his hard dick.

Half excited by his alpha tendencies and half terrified of his passion, I tried to breathe through the excitement. I pushed my chest out as he pulled down the bra cups giving him access to my breasts.

He treated my tits the same way he kissed my mouth. A part of me wanted to push him away and another wanted to pull him closer. He was as intense as his fucking.

We had discussed that I didn't do rough and where the boundary lines were. My stomach clenched realizing how close he was to reaching them.

Instinctively I wanted to slow us down, so I could catch up but he was the client, and he apparently wanted hard and fast.

It didn't take long before he was shouting my name. Just as he started to come, he pulled off his condom and strings of come landed on my stomach and breasts. I jerked a little surprised by his movements. That wasn't the first time that happened with a client and most likely wouldn't be the last time either.

Pushing off the couch, Bruce stood and grinned as he took in the sight of me. "I can't tell you how long I've wanted to do that. Stephen would never talk about your appointments but I knew they had to be good for him to keep seeing you."

My stomach twisted with unease wondering how long he had wanted to be my client. That thought was quickly pushed aside as I thought about Stephen and how his death was the reason I had to pick a new client. Considering Bruce was Stephen's partner, I was shocked by the callous way he brought him up. As if Stephen had decided to stop seeing me instead of being murdered.

My thoughts were as jumbled as my feelings about Bruce. I didn't know what to make of him.

I took his offered hand and let him help me off the couch. Come dripping down my body was a reminder that I needed to get cleaned up. Adjusting my bra, I told him I would be right back. I disappeared into the master bathroom to clean up then changed into lingerie that didn't have Bruce's fluids on it.

When I returned, I found Bruce relaxed on the couch with his feet up on the coffee table and a drink in hand.

Since he hadn't undressed, he only needed to zip up his pants to be presentable. I had put a robe on over my bra and panties unsure if he would need another round.

Considering how quickly he came, I figured we'd have at least one more round before it was time for him to go.

Thinking about what he said, I reminded him. "There was a reason Stephen didn't discuss what we did. It's part of the same contract you signed. What happens here stays here."

"Don't worry your pretty little head." That didn't give me confidence in his ability to keep quiet. I wasn't sure if the alarms going off in my head were because I was trying to adjust to a new client or if it was him.

Since my clients usually stuck with me for years, being with Bruce was going to be an adjustment. Each man that hired me was different. All I needed to do was get used to his kind of different.

_I was right._

We had enough time for a second round. This time we were fully naked and made it to the bed. My earlier concern disappeared when he let me slow us down. His kisses were softer and his touch gentler.

Everything was going great until we were getting out of the shower. While I dried off, he wandered around the bedroom then headed down the hall.

Wondering what he was doing, I followed him. "I noticed you don't have anything really personal here. No photos or knickknacks."

"It's because I don't live here." After the words were out of my mouth, I regretted it. The others knew but I never talked about it. His curiosity concerned me. "Why not? This place is beautiful."

"Yeah, it is but I'm too messy and disorganized. I would have to hire someone to clean the place. Plus, I prefer comfort over style, there is nothing designer about my apartment."

"Then you must not live too far from here." Relieved that our time was almost up, I picked up his clothes and helped him redress. The whole time he kept asking questions.

"Not far."

"Wow. You must make a lot of money to pay for two places." He wasn't wrong. I did make a lot of money but I didn't comment or want to explain how I came about inheriting the condo. Or explain how I kept my expenses down.

"Plus, I know you have a coffee addiction to pay for and I've seen the expensive chocolate you buy at the grocery store." Alarm bells went off in my head and I could feel my heart pound against my chest.

"Excuse me?" I didn't keep chocolate here; it never lasted that long. "Have you been following me?" I kept my voice light and playful but I felt anything but.

He laughed and shook his head. "No. I happened to see you a few times while out and about. It was a coincidence."

That familiar knot in my stomach was back. I wanted to get him out of here as soon as possible. I had enough of his comments and questions.

"Considering how much I pay you, it would be nice to have a little more time. I might start filling gipped, especially knowing at least one of your clients gets more days with you."

This wasn't going to work with him. The discomfort I was feeling wasn't right. It wasn't just my paranoia. "How did you know . . ." It didn't matter how he knew about Jack or how often I saw him. "Never mind. It doesn't matter. Bruce, it's really none of your business what my other clients pay me or how much time I spend with them. That is between them and me."

"Hey, I wasn't trying to upset you. I'm just jealous that someone gets to spend more time with you."

"He doesn't though. I might see him more often but I spend about the same number of hours with you as I do him." He looked skeptical.

As he tied his shoes, he kept asking more questions. I couldn't get him out of here fast enough. "What do your parents think of your job?"

"Bruce, I rather not talk about my family." My hands fisted as I tried to keep the anger from my voice.

"Sure. I mean, I could see why. I bet they aren't thrilled knowing their daughter fucked a bunch of guys for money."

My cheeks reddened from the way he spoke. He said it almost in disgust which was ridiculous considering he was one of the men paying to have sex with me.

"It's late and time for you to go." I got short with him but kept a smile on my face. "I'll get in touch with you next week," I said as I walked him to the door.

I had hoped he got the hint that it was time for him to leave but he either ignored the hint or didn't get it. "It is late. How about I follow you home. We could stop and get coffee together and get one of those muffins you enjoy."

"That's okay. I'm staying here tonight." I hadn't planned on it but I considered it now.

"That's a shame. Well, one of these days maybe you'll break your rules for me and go on a date." My body tensed with every moment he stayed here. I couldn't believe I was letting him affect me this way. I kept feeling like I was one step behind him and couldn't get the upper hand.

"Bruce, you know I can't do that." For a split second, I saw anger in his eyes but then he laughed it off.

* * *

By the time I left the condo to head home, I had made the decision to no longer have him as a client but by the time I reached my place, I had cooled off enough that I decided to give him another chance. It was the first appointment and they didn't always go well. If I still had this knot in my stomach after next week then I would cancel our agreement.

I was so lost in thought I almost didn't see Trent. He stood in front of his closed front door emptying all his pockets and going through Cole's backpack. It was late and I wondered what was wrong. The way he was cussing under his breath I figured he had a bad night too.

"Hey. Everything okay?" I asked when I noticed a sleeping Cole lying on the floor.

"No, I'm not. I lost my keys or left them in there. I don't know." Running a hand through his messy hair, he looked on the verge of losing it. "I was checking all my pockets again. A locksmith is coming out but he won't be here until tomorrow so we're stuck out here."

After hearing the exhaustion in his voice, I couldn't leave him out here with his kid all night no matter how much I liked my privacy. "My place is small, but I think you two could fit. I have a comfy couch you can sleep on and I'm sure we could make a mattress out of blankets for Cole."

Trent hesitated as he looked at me then down at his sleeping son. "Are you sure?"

"Come on. My couch will be much more comfortable than the cold floor," I teased.

"Juliet, you are an angel." He lifted Cole and followed me into my apartment.

"I'm not. I'm just a person who knows what it's like not to have a bed to sleep in." He looked as if he were about to ask me about it but I spoke first. "It was another life." He let it go at that. "I'll be right back."

Trent stood next to the front door holding his son while looking around my apartment. It was a mess but thankfully, not dirty. I returned with several blankets and sheets.

After making a bed for Cole, Trent laid him down then helped me cover the couch with a sheet and blanket. He dropped to the sofa looking exhausted and defeated while staring at his son.

"You look stressed." I handed him a beer and wanted to help ease the stress lines on his face. He was too young to look this old.

His smile looked as tired as the dark circles around his eyes. He took a long pull of his beer then sighed. "Being a single parent is hard."

Sitting in the large stuffed chair, I put my feet up on the coffee table and enjoyed the silence until my curiosity got the best of me. "Do you mind me asking about Cole's mom?"

With another sigh he spoke. "I don't mind. We're divorced." He focused his eyes on the beer in his hand as he picked at the label. "I got full custody since she has addiction issues."

The sadness in his expression hit me right in the heart. "I'm sorry, that must be hard. For you and Cole."

His head bobbed up and down. "We divorced when he was still a baby. I don't think or at least I hope he doesn't remember her. She wasn't a very good mom."

"Well, I guess it's good he has a great dad." He gave me a tired smile but I could see he didn't see himself that way. I patted his thigh regretting it immediately. I needed to remind myself to keep some distance even if we were becoming friends.

I took his empty beer and carried it to the kitchen. "I'm heading to bed. Make yourself at home. If you need anything, just knock. I'm a pretty light sleeper."

Trent stood in front of the couch watching me. It took a moment for him to respond but he finally said, "Thanks again, Juliet. I mean it."

"Goodnight, Trent."
16

# January 30th

"I have a delivery for a Juliet." The teenage girl held a bouquet of roses half the size of her tiny body with both arms. I had no idea how she had been able to knock on my door.

"That's me." Her relieved smile widened as she passed me the flowers and asked me to sign for them.

"Oh, my goodness, lucky girl!" Ruth exclaimed from my living room where she sat petting Mr. Knightly and drinking tea. "Who are they from?"

"That's what I would like to know," I said more to myself then to her.

"Does it have a note?" she asked at the same time I plucked one from the bow on the vase.

_Thinking of you._

"It isn't signed." I placed the flowers on the kitchen counter then rushed out of my apartment to see if I could catch the girl. Lucky for me she was still parked in front of the building smiling and texting someone.

"Hi. Could you tell me who sent me the flowers?"

"Um." she checked her iPad "Sorry. It doesn't say. Whoever it was paid cash."

I walked into the building feeling a heavy weight on my chest.

_Who would send me flowers here?_

And _Thinking of you?_

Walking back into my apartment, the scent of roses overwhelmed my tiny living room. "What's the matter, dear?" Ruth asked losing her earlier smile.

"Nothing. Just curious who sent them."

"I wonder if it was Trent thanking you for letting him stay the night last week." I knew right away they weren't from him. They were way too expensive for a single dad trying to make ends meet. Plus, he and Cole made me brownies as a thank you.

I preferred the brownies.

Taking a seat next to Ruth, I asked, "Have you noticed anyone come by my apartment when I wasn't here?"

"Oh goodness! Yes! Yesterday. I forgot to tell you. A woman stopped by. She didn't give her name. She was late forties maybe early fifties. She had the same shade of hair as you but with gray streaks. Very pretty."

My heart began to race. The only woman I knew around that age was my mother. "She knocked on my door and asked if I knew you and when I thought you might be home."

_My mother knew where I lived._

Panic began to build in my chest as Ruth kept talking. "I told her your schedule changed daily. But don't worry. I didn't tell her what you do." I drew in deep breaths, but it was getting harder to breathe. "Whoa. Are you all right? Juliet. Would you like me to get you some water?"

I nodded as the realization began to settle.

_My mother was here and she knew where I lived!_

"Do you think the flowers are from that woman?" she asked as she handed me the water. "I assumed it was one of your gentlemen declaring his love for you," she said wistfully.

After gulping down half the glass, I fumbled with my phone to call Sam. "I don't know, Ruth."

Ruth took my glass and refilled it for me. "Are you okay? You look really upset."

"I'm . . . I'm fine. I think I'm just tired. It's been weeks since I've been able to get a good night's rest." It wasn't a lie but not the whole truth either. I didn't want to get my sweet neighbor involved with my drama.

Ruth patted my thigh and sat next to me. Putting a kind arm around my shoulders, her motherly kindness soothed me. "I have a special trick for sleepless nights."

"Oh yeah? Care to share?"

She grinned. "Whiskey."

My laugh felt heavy. I was grateful she was trying to make me smile but the thoughts running through my head were overwhelming. "I might have to give that a try."

I needed to call Sam before my anxiety turned into a panic attack. "Can you excuse me for a minute?"

"Of course. I should be going anyway. I'll see you, dear." She kissed my cheek and gave me a quick hug. "Try to enjoy the flowers."

I wished more than anything that receiving flowers at my apartment address was a good thing. But no matter who sent them, it meant someone I didn't want to know where I lived, did know.

Sam answered on the second ring. "Hey, Jules. What's up?"

"I received a bouquet of red roses at my apartment today with a card that wasn't signed. And Ruth said a woman in her forties or fifties had come by looking for me. Could it be her?" The panic in my voice rose as fast as the words flew out of my mouth. It took a moment for Sam to catch up.

"Okay, you need to calm down, Juliet."

"I can't. I mean I was just back to feeling like my old self. Confident everything was going to work out with Bruce. I figured I just needed to relax and go with the flow and now this. It's what I get for thinking I could finally stop worrying."

My anxiety was rising to epic proportions.

Sleepless nights.

Nightmares.

Death of a client.

My mother possibly looking for me.

I was beginning to feel like I was spiraling. "Whoa. Seriously, Juliet, you are going to have a stroke if you don't relax. Take a deep breath. If you haven't seen your mom, then you don't really know she's here. If you're uncomfortable with Bruce then let him know he's no longer a client. You're stressing over something you don't even know is fact or things you can fix."

Her ability to break down my worries and put reason to my concerns was why I needed Sam in my life.

I drew in a deep breath and slowly blew it out. "This is why I love you so much, Sam."

"Juliet, I know you don't want to hear this but this might be a good time to go back to Dr. Thomas. She might be able to help with all this crap you're worried about."

Holding back a groan, I pointed out, "I don't need her when I have you."

Sam sighed then told me she loved me before hanging up. Feeling a little less stressed out, I decided to leave a little early for the condo. I needed enough time to get coffee and a baked good before meeting Michael. I deserved it after the morning I had.

"Hello, Juliet." Michael gave me a shy smile then leaned in and kissed my cheek. The feel of his soft lips against my skin was an excellent beginning to our evening.

There were times that being with Michael felt like work. He was a sweet guy but I had to initiate sex every time. It wasn't a bad thing but when he first started coming, I worried that he didn't feel comfortable with me. I realized now it was just him.

It did make me wonder what kind of boss he was. I couldn't imagine a soft-spoken guy like him running a huge software company.

I took Michael's hand and guided him into the living room. "You look handsome as always." With his darker skin it was hard to tell when he blushed, but I could tell by the way he avoided eye contact.

"I was just about to mention how beautiful you look tonight." This sweet guy never failed to compliment me on our nights. It was one of the many reasons I adored him.

In his late twenties, Michael had a young face and a boyish grin. His nearly black eyes and tan skin, a sign of his Asian heritage, added to his charm.

He was a fun mix of sexy and nerdy. I knew he was smart and according to Sam, he was an Ivy League graduate and started his own company right out of college. Now he led a multi-million-dollar business.

It didn't surprise me that he was bright enough to create something so successful. From the outside, he seemed like a shy sweet guy but I had been witness to his determination and intensity.

If he even put a fraction of the effort he used to please me into his business then it explained why he was so successful.

It was a mystery to me why he didn't have a girlfriend. I understood early on that he didn't have time to date but now . . . I couldn't imagine that was still the case.

"Drink?" I asked.

"Beer would be perfect." I knew that but I still asked. My fridge always held his favorite IPA's.

Relaxing on the couch, I asked him about his day, the whole time touching him, helping him relax. When the conversation became less stilted and his shoulders relaxed, I knew it was time.

Threading my fingers with his, I pulled on his hand. "Come with me." I guided him to the bedroom where I began to undress him. His fingers ran lazily down my arms while I unbuttoned his dress shirt.

"I like the feel of your skin." I smiled when I noticed his lust filled eyes.

"I like the way you touch me." A grin formed on his lips.

I leaned in and pressed my lips to his as I wrapped my arms around his neck. While enjoying the taste of beer on his tongue, I felt the heat of his bare skin through my top. I couldn't wait for us to be skin to skin.

A few minutes later, he made it a reality. His hands worked quickly, unzipping my dress and pushing it down past my hips.

Before long, I was writhing beneath him. His muscles strained as he pumped harder and deeper. The rhythmic sound of the headboard hitting the wall grew louder as his body tensed. "I'm coming." The words came out strained and ragged. I wrapped my legs around his back encouraging him to let go. He didn't like to come before me. He was _a ladies first_ kind of guy but I didn't need to orgasm to feel good. Having this quiet sexy man lose control on top of me was more than enough.

With a few more pumps his jaw clenched as he came. I ran my hands through his hair and pulled him down for a kiss. His sweaty body relaxed on top of mine.

I needed this.

Skin on skin.

Kisses.

The weight of a body on top of mine.

The feeling was familiar and calming.

Once Michael rolled off me, I went and got us waters while he relaxed on the bed. When I returned, he gave me a relaxed smile and lifted the covers and pulled me against his chest. Lying in his arms I soaked in the calming effect he had on me as we talked about his work. We kissed some more then talked about trivial things but it was nice just listening to his soothing voice.

When I brought up Italy and the places I wanted to see, he gave me some advice since he had visited there several times. He also promised to give me a list of out-of-the-way restaurants I had to try while I was there. I smiled against his chest listening to him talk about food with the same passion I felt for carbs.

Before the night was through we had one more round in the shower making clean up easy.

At the end of the evening, I gave Michael a kiss and wished him goodnight just as my phone began to ring.

Once he was out the door, I dug through my purse to answer it before the caller was sent to voicemail.

"Sam? Everything all right?" She never called me when I was with a client.

"I just . . ." she growled as she flustered with her words. "Oh God, I received a call from your mom." Her voice held worry and anger which matched my own.

"What?" It came out more as a breath than a question. So many things raced through my mind as I thought about her and what she would want now. After so many years. "What did she say?"

Unsure what to do with myself and feeling a familiar powerlessness, I began to clean up from my evening as Sam kept talking. I couldn't just sit still.

"She's trying to get a hold of you. She says it's important."

Tugging the sheets off the bed with a little too much effort, I caused the corner to rip.

_Relax._

_Nothing has happened._

_Yet._

My voice shook as I asked, "What did you tell her?"

"To climb back into the hole she came out of." I laughed though the situation was anything but funny.

"My mother's here," I mumbled to myself. It was beginning to settle in that I would have to deal with her whether I wanted to or not.

"I know." The stress in Sam's voice didn't help the situation.

"Looking for me."

"I know." I could hear her pacing. She was no doubt thinking of what we needed to do. Sam was a problem solver and she was already working out my problem in her head.

I stood in the middle of the bedroom and yelled, "Fuck!"

"I know!" Sam growled.

Did this mean _he_ was here too? I didn't dare ask Sam though the thought probably had crossed her mind too.

"Juliet, she didn't send the flowers." I didn't think so but I couldn't imagine who would send them unless they were from _him_. It wouldn't surprise me that he would do something like that to fuck with my head.

"Double fuck! Then who did?"

Digging through the cleaning products under the bathroom sink, I went to work cleaning the shower putting extra effort into scrubbing every inch of it. I wished I could scrub my memories the way I could the shower.

"I don't know. I'll see if I can get any information or description of the person who sent them but let's deal with your mother first. If the woman was smart, she took my advice and decided to leave you alone."

Sitting on my knees in the middle of the shower I began to feel hopeless. A familiar feeling I had when it came to my mom. "It's my mother." She would never leave it alone. Not if _he_ wanted or needed something from me.

"I know. That's why you need to take extra precautions. Get a restraining order against her. Considering she knows where you live, her and other members could be watching you." When we ran away it wasn't necessary to do any of this because we lived on the streets. It would have been nearly impossible to track us down. Now, leaving or hiding wasn't an option.

"You're right. I'll take care of it tomorrow." Knowing I had Sam at my side was a good reminder that at least I wasn't alone. "I can't have her in my life, Sam."

"I know, Juliet. Trust me, I know."

An hour later, I found myself knocking on Ruth's door at nearly midnight. I thought I could handle being alone but I couldn't. Not tonight. If I hadn't heard a woman's voice over the phone when I talked to Sam I would have been sleeping on her couch right now.

Ruth opened the door as far as the chain lock would allow. "Juliet? Everything okay?"

"Do you happen to have your sleep remedy around?" I tried to smile but I just couldn't fake it.

"Hold on." Ruth closed the door and slid the lock open. "Come in, dear. Go relax in the living room while I get you a drink."
17

# January 31st

"I _t's alright, Juliet. It might hurt at first but only for a little while. Next time will be easier."_

_"Mom, I don't want to." I had been crying since she told me he asked for me to come to him tonight. No matter how many times I begged for her to let me stay with her, she never listened._

_"Sweetie, I know you can do this. When it's over he'll be proud of you. You'll become his favored one. Give yourself to him, and you will feel pure joy."_

_My mother's fingers pinched my arms as she grew more frustrated. I couldn't understand why it was so important for me to be in favor with him. I didn't love him like she did._

_"Smile pretty for him and do exactly what I taught you." I shivered in her arms. The thin cloth covering my body was for decoration only. It held no warmth._

_"Juliet?" I turned to see Martha standing in the doorway looking as unhappy as my mother. "It's time."_

"NO!"

Startled awake, I fell off the bed.

Wait.

No.

Not my bed.

I slid my eyes open and realized I must have fallen asleep on Ruth's couch. The whiskey worked but it didn't keep me from having bad dreams. And now I was exhausted and had a headache.

I pinched my eyes closed hoping it would somehow ease the pain in my head. My body wasn't made to consume hard liquor.

It was still early and Ruth wasn't around so I left her a note thanking her for the whiskey and couch. Not that I was all that thankful for the whiskey at the moment.

Mr. Knightley's grumpy meow sounded like a drum next to my head. I fed him to make him shut up then took some headache pills to ease this ache. Once I had coffee and a shower, I felt a little better and called Sam.

As much as I didn't want to admit she was right. She was. I couldn't deal with all this stuff on my own.

The first words I said to her were, "Fine. I'll talk to her again."

It took Sam a few seconds to realize what I meant. "Did something happen?"

"Life." I was being flippant but it was the truth. "I had another dream and I just . . . I can't keep going like this. I'm a mess, Sam. I went from everything going great to feeling like I can barely breathe."

"I get it. I do and I'm glad you decided to go back because everything comes up eventually."

"Sam . . ." I tried to swallow the lump in my throat. "How much do you remember from that time?"

"Juliet, I remember every fucking thing that happened to me. I wish I could forget, but I can't."

Dr. Thomas's receptionist smiled politely when I walked into the room. "Welcome back, Juliet. Would you like some water or tea?"

Shaking my head, I took a seat feeling as tense as the first time I came. This was the right thing to do. It might have taken me a month to realize it but at least I was here now.

The moment Dr. Thomas closed the door behind me, I spewed out, "I think my mother is in the city and I don't know how to deal with it. Fix me."

Without missing a beat she said, "Take a seat. I'm glad you came back."

"I know I just brought up my mother but I'm not sure if I'm ready to talk about her yet or where I came from. Can we work up to it?"

She didn't laugh at my rambling and acted like this was how normal people spoke to her. "This is your time. We can discuss anything you want."

Picking at my nails, I shook my head. "That's just it. I don't know where to start. If not there then where?"

"Do you want to talk about how you ended up with your current career?" That topic seemed safe enough and didn't make me want to squirm in my chair.

"Yeah. Sure. Um . . ." I sighed thinking about where I should begin. "Okay, so when I was seventeen, I got a job working as a waitress at this strip bar. I lied about my age and it was kind of a sleazy place so they never checked my I.D."

"Right." Dr. Thomas nodded as she made some notes.

"When I first started, I didn't dance. I just walked around in itty bitty outfits passing out drinks. The money was better than working at a restaurant and at the time, I was helping Sam pay for college. We lived together in this tiny studio apartment."

I smiled thinking about our time there. We were so poor and life felt hard but we were happy because we had a roof over our heads and full stomachs. On the nights I didn't work, we would stay up late playing cards and eat licorice. It was our only splurge. We couldn't afford to buy a TV let alone pay for cable so we entertained ourselves.

"It wasn't until I turned eighteen that I began dancing. Right after my birthday. That was when I met William."

"And who is William?"

I blew out a breath. "I guess he would be considered my first client."

"At eighteen?" she confirmed.

"Yeah. He came in every week on the same nights. He was a big tipper and wasn't creepy like some of the regulars."

"How old was he?"

"Forty-three. He was a bachelor, never married, it was a month or so later that I found out he was extremely wealthy and . . . dying of cancer."

Her brows rose. "Whoa. That's heavy stuff."

"Yeah." I stood and walked around. I couldn't sit still and talk about him at the same time. "He told me one night after requesting me to go to a private room. I had just given him a lap dance. The song was over but he asked to hold me on his lap. Strangely enough it wasn't all that sexual. He had a few too many drinks and began talking. I listened." For the first time, I felt like I was more than a body to be used. He spoke to me like I mattered.

"After that night, he came every evening I worked until one night while walking me out to my car he asked if he could hire me."

"Hire you for what?" She tilted her head waiting for me to clarify.

"Sex, but it ended up being . . . more. In exchange for leaving my job, he paid me to be his mistress. He gave me a place to live. On the days he was well, we had sex. When he wasn't feeling well, we stayed in bed and watched TV or I read to him.

Near the end of his life we would have these long conversations. He told me about his life and I told him about mine. He was the only person besides Sam who knew about where we came from."

"So, you told him your story?" I noticed the surprise on her face. I had never thought about it but I guess it was a big deal especially since I had never told any of my other clients.

"Not all of it. Not all the ugly stuff. Who would want to hear that? I told him about the good times and never gave him the complete reason why Sam and I left. He cared about me and I didn't want him to see me as a victim or feel like he should take care of me."

After making my way around the room, I returned to my seat. "In the end, he took care of me and in turn I helped Sam."

Tapping her pencil on her pad she asked, "How's that?"

"He left me his condo and a big chunk of money in his will. It was enough money to pay for Sam's schooling and cover expenses for the condo for years."

"It sounds like you loved him." I felt her eyes on me as I turned to stare out the window.

"I don't know. I've never loved a man before but I think it was love. I cared deeply for him and was at his side when he passed away. I still miss him."

"Sounds like love to me." I turned to look her in the eyes.

"Does it?" It seemed strange that I wouldn't know for sure. Did everyone feel this way?

"Yeah." She gave me a sad smile when I felt tears fall. I didn't know why the thought of loving a man would make me cry, but I suddenly felt deep sadness, reminding me how I felt after he died."

Dr. Thomas let me sit in my sadness for a few minutes before she asked more questions.

"So how did you go from him to having multiple clients?"

"Months after the funeral, I ran into a friend of his." _Jack._ "We had met before and he knew why William hired me. Anyway, he asked if we could work something out. A few months later, I had two more clients." Joseph and now a former client, Douglas.

"A few years later, I had five clients and consistently kept that many."

"Is there a reason for that?" She leaned forward and watched me as I replied.

"Not really. It just worked so why change it?"

She smiled. "That's a good reason. Sam mentioned that you and she made rules for your clients. Was that for your benefit or theirs?"

"Both I guess. I want to please all my clients and still feel like I have control."

She nodded with a thoughtful smile. "I can see how rules would help with that. Tell me about one of your rules and why."

"Okay, well. I don't take clients who are in relationships. The moment they become sexually active with someone else, they are no longer a client. Cheating isn't acceptable. I've seen the ugliness that can happen and I don't want to be a part of it."

"What ugliness are you talking about? Personally, or something you witnessed?"

I looked away from her as memories popped into my head. "Witnessed. I saw the length people went to hurt each other." I thought of my mother and the pain in her eyes every time _he_ chose another woman . . . or girl. Even me.

"I didn't want to cause another woman . . . or man pain. If a client intends to cheat that is their choice, but it would never be mine."

"Juliet, I probably shouldn't say this but the more time I spend with you, the more I like you. I hope you keep coming."

It felt good to hear that, even from a professional, or especially from a professional. "I will," I said with a determination, I still didn't feel.

"Well, our time is up. I'd like to see you every week but if you don't want to come that often then I'll let you decide."

I knew I wasn't ready for weekly visits. I couldn't imagine feeling like this every week. "Every other week would work for me."

"Perfect." She smiled as she walked me to the door. "See you in two weeks."

For some reason, I thought I would feel better after seeing her or at least hoped I would. I was impatient and wanted to feel better now. In some ways I did. It felt good talking about William, no matter how much I missed him. But leaving her office, I realized how far I had left to go and didn't see this getting any easier. At least not yet.

I texted Jack to let him know I was on my way to the condo and to meet me there.

Arriving first, I had a chance to clean up a bit and reapply my makeup.

A wave of relief hit me when I heard his knock.

"Why aren't you already naked?" Jack slapped my ass as he walked past me and began to strip.

Feeling relaxed after a Jack-induced orgasm, I had a little pep to my step. I was pretty sure I could handle therapy as long as Jack and I kept up our Wednesday appointments. He did exactly what I needed him to do after an emotional morning with Dr. Thomas.

For the first time in a month, I was feeling optimistic and that things were going to be okay. Yeah, talking about my past was uncomfortable but I was beginning to think Sam was right. The best way to deal with my past was to face it head on.

Right before I reached my apartment, I saw a familiar figure standing on the curb. I sucked in a breath. It had been years since I had seen her. Besides her gray hair and a few fine lines, she looked the same.

Memories of us flashed through my mind. The nights she laid in bed with me reading my favorite books, working in the garden at her side as she taught me about plants. Her teaching me how to swim in the natural spring on the property. But just as quickly as the good memories came, so did the bad. Every time she ignored my tears as I begged her not to leave me with him. Her reminders that to be a good girl I had to do what he said.

A part of me wanted to run to her and feel her arms around me but the other wanted to run as far away from her as possible. The warring feelings made me freeze on the sidewalk. When she took a step closer and called out my name, I shook off my fear and glanced around making sure she was alone. Dealing with her was difficult enough, I couldn't handle seeing more of his followers.

"Mom?"

"Hi, sweetheart. It's been too long."

* * *

To be continued . . .

# Acknowledgments

If it weren't for my best friend this series would never have come about. So a big tackle hug to Carrie. Love you and thank you for listening to me drone on and on about this series and my love for Juliet.

* * *

A big shout out to my editor Nichole Strauss. Terrified, I sent her a manuscript that nobody had seen except for me and with her help I managed to clean it up and make it what I wanted it to be.
To receive a free book.

And be the first to know about upcoming releases, teasers and giveaways Join My Newsletter.

# About the Author

When I'm not writing, I'm riding on the back of my husband's motorcycle or hanging out with my four kids. I love my family, reading, writing, napping and sunshine. Not always in that order.

* * *

To be the first to know about upcoming releases, teasers and giveaways Join My Newsletter

* * *

<https://cristincooperauthor.blogspot.com>

cristincooperauthor@gmail.com

  Facebook

  Twitter

# Also By Cristin Cooper

**Always Series**

Love, Ryan

Love You, Always

Love Me

* * *

**Always Novella**

Safe Love novella

* * *

**Until Series**

Until Now

Until Here novella

Until Us

Until You novella

* * *

**Juliet Chronicles**

Juliet Chronicles Book One

Juliet Chronicles Book Two

Juliet Chronicles Book Three

Juliet Chronicles Book Four - Coming Soon
