 
### MOUNTAIN PEOPLE

by

Meredith Rae Morgan

Smashwords Edition

Copyright 2011 Meredith Morgan

All Rights Reserved

Smashwords Edition, License Notes

This ebook is licensed for your personal enjoyment only. This ebook may not be re-sold or given away to other people. If you would like to share this book with another person, please purchase an additional copy for each person you share it with. If you're reading this book and did not purchase it, or it was not purchased for your use only, then you should return to Smashwords.com and purchase your own copy. Thank you for respecting the hard work of this author.

Author's Note: This is a work of fiction. The characters, events and circumstances depicted here are imaginary.

## Chapter 1

"Honest, Mama, I am happy to help you out. It'll take me a few days to make some arrangements for moving my equipment and subletting my apartment. I can probably be there by next week. Will that be soon enough?"

"Of course. I have home-care nurses coming in, and you know the neighbors will help out. I mainly want to have you here by early Autumn. I have guests booked several weekends between the end of September and Christmas."

"You don't have anybody booked over the summer?"

"No. I didn't accept reservations for the time I was scheduled for my surgery, and I canceled a few reservations when I ran into complications. Loretta, you have no idea how terrible I feel about asking you to do this."

"Mama, I don't want to hear you say that again! I'm your only daughter. You took care of me when I was little. Helping you now is the least I can do. Besides, it's not a big deal for me. I can do my job from anywhere that has Internet access. You do have a fast Internet connection, don't you?"

"I don't know if it's fast enough for your needs, but I have WiFi throughout the house."

"That should be adequate. If it isn't, I'll figure something out. I'll let you know when I will arrive. In the meantime, you can expect a delivery of some large boxes. Do not even try to open them. Have the delivery people put them in the attic room."

"You don't need to take the garret. What's wrong with your old room on the second floor?"

"I loved my old room, but I need more space for my equipment. Besides, you know I always loved to play in the attic anyway. I think I'll just move up there."

"It isn't heated or air conditioned."

"I hate air conditioning, and I'll get an electric heater when it gets cold."

Loretta's phone beeped and she glanced at the display. "Sorry, Mama, I have to go. That's one of my clients on the other line."

"Go! I'll talk to you soon."

"Take care, Mama. Get better."

Loretta clicked over to the other call, spun her desk chair around and faced an array of monitors mounted on the wall along an eight-foot long library table littered with computers and peripherals. The computer table took up most of one wall in the room. The rest of the room contained only a beat up love seat, a chair with an ottoman and a floor lamp. At one end of the room was the kitchen area. The counter held a microwave, an open pizza box and a half pot of very strong coffee.

Loretta's fingers blazed across the keyboard, and the displays on several monitors ran through a dizzying list of code. Loretta said, "Okay, I've got your system up on my monitors. Let me check out what's going on and I'll get back to you. Be patient, and don't worry. I'll take care of this."

For the next several hours, Loretta never took her eyes off the screens, and she never stopped typing. Beads of sweat beaded her brow and began to run down her cheeks. She swiped her face against her shoulders, never taking her fingers from the keyboard. By the time she stopped typing, she was soaking wet, shaking and exhausted. But, she had kicked out the hacker, closed all the holes he had created in the code, and then repaired the damage he had done to her client's website. As a last step, she verified that the hacker had not breached any of the company's encrypted business data that her client had hired her to protect.

She clicked open her phone, and redialed the last number. She was too exhausted to hold it up to her ear, so she turned it on speaker. She told her client the threat had been neutralized and the damage to his website had been repaired. The customer asked what had happened. Loretta told him that there was some seriously porous code in his website, and suggested that if his website designer was that careless, the customer might consider either hiring a new webmaster or paying her to check the code before website updates were posted.

The customer said he'd think about it. She knew he wouldn't follow her recommendations. His webmaster was his nephew who had just graduated from college with some kind of IT-related degree. He was clueless, but he was a family-member who had needed a job, and he worked cheap. The customer was not motivated to spend more on security, especially, when Loretta had managed to fix the problem every time the guy got hacked. She asked him what he'd do the first time somebody actually managed to hack into his business records. The customer told her quite bluntly he'd probably sue her.

She smiled. Her phone system automatically announced that calls were recorded "for quality control purposes." She recorded every incoming and out-going phone call. She made a copy of the conversation and sent it to her attorney requesting him to run a conflicts check in case it became necessary to prepare for litigation at some point in the future.

She stood up, stretched, flipped on her answering machine and headed for her bedroom, peeling off her reeking clothes as she walked. After a three minute shower, she returned to her office, with her hair wrapped in a towel, wearing a clean pair of jeans and a tank top, with no bra. She picked up the phone and hit one of her speed-dial numbers, "Daniel, I'm calling in that favor you owe me, and it'll even make you some money." She paused and laughed at his response, "No. You know me better than that. I have become neither kind nor generous. My mother just had a hip replacement and has run into some complications. Her recovery is expected to last longer than expected, and there's a possibility she may have to have more surgery. She's asked me to come home and help her run her bed and breakfast for a while. I can do that and keep up with a few of my largest clients, but I can't continue to provide an adequate level of service to all of them.

"Therefore, I propose to turn over my smaller clients for you to babysit at least for the next six months or so. You can keep all the money you earn, but you'd better take absolutely stellar care of my customers! I don't want to hear any complaints." She paused, "No, I'm not taking you on as a partner. You know I don't play well with others. I'm simply turning over some of my clients to you. It's a win-win situation. It grows your business – which helps you, because you suck at marketing – and it helps me, because I won't have time to take care of all my customers while I'm taking care of my mom and running her business. What do you say?"

After a few minutes, she nodded and said, "Okay. I'm going to forward my main business phone to your phone, starting immediately. I'll give the clients I'm keeping a new number to use. If you have any problems or need help, call me on my private cell number. You got it? Yeah. I expect to leave within a few days. You're the man in charge of most of my clients now! Thanks. Sometime after six months, I may try to steal them back from you. If you take good enough care of them to prevent me from doing that, the accounts yours for good."

She typed a long email to her most important clients, explaining the situation and providing her personal cell number and email address for their use until she could set up new business accounts.

She knew this arrangement would seriously cut into her income, but while living in her mother's attic in North Carolina, she would not have to pay the exorbitant rent she had been paying for this office/apartment in Silicon Valley. It would also have the advantage of weeding out some of her small PITA customers, allowing her to focus on her best and most profitable accounts. Even better: all four of the accounts she intended to keep were domiciled in the Eastern Time zone, so for the first time in years, she'd be able to live and work in the same time zone. She found herself excited by the prospect of scaling back a bit. Her routine of twenty-hour work days, usually seven days a week had begun to get old.

Besides, she sort of liked the idea of spending some quality time in the mountains after living away for nearly two decades, the last decade of which was spent amidst the noise, traffic and general hassle of life in California.

She feared that her mother probably had very different feelings about Loretta returning to the scene of so many of her crimes. Things must be really bad if Mama was desperate enough to invite her to come home. Loretta refused to allow herself to think about of what the neighbors would say.

She made a few more calls and managed to sublet her apartment on the fourth call. That was not surprising. She had a great location, with excellent lighting and electrical capacity for a lot of computer equipment. While the place was zoned commercial, the landlord wanted the tenant to live in for the purpose of extra security for his jewelry store on the first floor. Several of her colleagues had been angling to take it off her hands for years.

During her calls, Loretta had made arrangements to meet some friends for Thai food that evening. She put on a bra and changed from her tank top to an MIT sweatshirt that was old and faded. She noticed that her elbows showed through the fabric. Loretta knew it was past time to retire the shirt, but she wore it to dinner one last time, for old time's sake. Loretta's manner of dress had the advantage of preventing homeless people from asking her for money because she looked like them. She wouldn't be out of place at dinner, either, because most of her friends didn't dress any better than she did.

On her way to the restaurant, she stopped at an office supply store and ordered up a bunch of packing boxes, bubble wrap and heavy duty tape. The salesman promised to deliver the stuff to her office first thing the next morning.

The group of colleagues she met for dinner consisted of five guys, three of whom were only in their twenties. The other two were – like Loretta – approaching 40, but they looked and acted much younger. Every one of them was a programming wizard, but Loretta was glad to be leaving their midst. She was too close to taking on the role of Wendy Darling to this bunch of Lost Boys.

The group ordered beers and Thai-hot entrees.

Loretta explained her plans, and the guys all told her she was crazy. Most of them were from small towns or suburban areas in the Northeast or Midwest. Not one of them was close to his family. Loretta was an anomaly in her professional circle, both in terms of her gender and her close (if prickly) relationship with her mother. She had not lived at home since she left for college, but she visited for short periods every year or two and talked to her mother on the phone – sometimes for hours – several times a week. Her friends all thought she was making a big mistake moving to the mountains where there was no geek subculture.

Loretta found herself wondering if that might not be a good thing. She'd been a nerd for so long, she wondered if she'd even remember how to behave like a regular Southern gal. Not that she'd ever been any good at that in the first place. As she looked in the mirror of the bathroom while washing her hands before dinner, she grinned. _I guess I'm going to have to get my hair styled and buy some makeup!_ She laughed out loud at the very thought.

Loretta ate her dinner and let the criticism from her colleagues roll off her back. They were men. They were Yankees. They didn't understand, and she'd never be able to explain it, even if she had been inclined to do so, which she was not.

Loretta had never felt it necessary to justify her behavior to anyone for any reason. She consciously decided to ignore the awareness that her independent streak posed a serious obstacle to her integration into a community like Spencer, North Carolina, where everybody knew everybody's business, and nobody had any compunctions about offering opinions about what other people ought to be doing with their time, money, property, kids and even pets. Loretta was not in the habit of worrying about things she couldn't control, and it was too late to turn back now. Her mother needed her and she had decided to go home. She was not one to second guess herself once she'd made a decision.

She paid for her dinner and gave each of her friends a big, Southern-style hug. That was a familiarity they had never experienced before and none of them quite knew how to respond, so they mostly didn't respond at all. Loretta was a little freaked out about doing it, but knew she might as well get back in practice for public hugging and smooching every time she turned around.

Loretta left the restaurant convinced that she was doing the right thing. Maybe. She hoped.

The next day, the office supply store delivered the packing materials, and Loretta spent most of the day packing up her computer equipment for shipping via courier. She called a moving company, and, after she learned what they wanted to charge her to move her personal possessions, she packed her few clothes and personal items in a couple of boxes and labeled them for shipping with the computer equipment. She decided to leave the rest of her meager and pathetic furnishings in the apartment. Her sub-lessee could keep the stuff or throw it out. Most of it had been picked up from the side of the road or purchased from thrift shops anyway.

She called her landlord and explained that she had sublet the apartment through the end of her lease. The landlord groused about that, but there wasn't much he could do. Loretta knew that the landlord would be hard pressed to ever find a tenant who paid the rent as faithfully as she had. She would have felt bad about that, but for the fact that he was such an insufferable jerk who would never fix anything in the apartment. He didn't deserve a good tenant like Loretta. She was leaving him with another decent tenant and a furnished apartment that was cleaner than it had been when she moved it, and in good repair (Loretta paid for most of the maintenance herself). That was better than the empty dump she had moved into fifteen years earlier. She refused to feel guilty.

Having boxed up her computers all but a Netbook, she booked a one-way flight to Asheville for the following day. She called one of her friends, who – as unthinkable as it was for a California resident – did not own a car, and offered to give him her car if he would take her to the airport. He told her he didn't need or want a car. She suggested that he could sell it and keep the money. He asked, "You mean to tell me you'll sign over your car to me for a ride to the airport, no strings attached?"

"That's what I said. You can keep it or you can sell it. It has very low mileage, and I have all of the maintenance records in the glove box."

He accepted her offer. She told him that she would be at his house the following day at 8:00 AM. He groused about having to get up so early. She offered to give the car to someone else. He relented.

That evening, she packed a few personal toiletries in a baggie in her backpack along with her e-reader, Netbook, along with a tee-shirt and change of underwear in case there were flight delays. Then she stuffed all the rest of her personal belongings into a garbage bag and tossed it in the dumpster behind the building.

She had moved out of her family home at age 18 with nothing but a backpack. She was moving back home twenty-odd years later with a dozen boxes of computer equipment, two small boxes of random personal items, and the same backpack.

She called her mother and read off the flight information. Her mother was amazed that Loretta had been able to wrap up her affairs so quickly. Loretta was actually a little freaked out by that, too, but she knew that one of the factors that made her so brilliant at her job was the ability to move fast when the situation called for it. This situation called for her to move quickly, without thinking too much about the ramifications of her actions, so she wouldn't chicken out.

She stopped by her bank and learned that it had a branch in Asheville, so she did not need to move her money. She did virtually all of her banking online anyway. She stopped in a coffee shop for lunch, and fired up her Netbook, locating a car dealership that was not far from the airport in Asheville. She called the number and asked for the sales manager. She asked if he had a late model Honda on the used car lot. He actually had three, and he described them. She selected a silver Civic, and asked him if he could deliver it to the airport the following day. He asked how she proposed to pay for it. She told him to email her the paperwork, which she would sign and email back, with payment via a check card.

He laughed, "You're going to pay for a car with a debit card?"

"Give me the bottom line number – with taxes, title and tags – and I'll transfer the money today."

He promised to call her back shortly. She finished her lunch, paid the bill and walked back to her apartment, where she cleaned out the refrigerator and made one last pass through the drawers and closets searching for personal items she had overlooked. She spread out the things she found on the bed, found nothing she wanted to keep and then put it all into the trash.

That afternoon the guy who was subletting the apartment stopped by to pick up the keys. They ordered pizza and talked for a while, mostly about the care and feeding of the landlord. He was pleased that she was leaving her furniture because he lived in a furnished apartment and did not own any furniture of his own.

The next morning, she tossed her backpack into her car, and drove to her friend's apartment. He was waiting for her. She gave him the keys and the title to the car, which she had signed over to him, and then she hopped into the passenger's seat. When he pulled up in front of the departure entrance, Loretta got out, and called over her shoulder, "Thanks for the lift. Take care of Old Betsy." She was half-way through the revolving door before he even finished saying good-bye.

Loretta was not surprised to discover that she was flagged for special security screening, on account of the fact that she had purchased a one-way ticket the day before, and she had checked no luggage. She was used to that. Most of her travel in recent years had been last-minute, emergency trips, and she never checked a bag. She knew some of the special screening people by name. That didn't make the experience any more pleasant.

After she got through security and purchased coffee, she sent her mother an email, letting her know that the flight appeared to be on time and advising that she expected to arrive home early in the afternoon.

As usual with last-minute bookings, Loretta was crammed into the middle seat in a three-seat row. Before leaving home, she had downloaded a dozen or so technical articles to her e-reader, and spent the flight engrossed in algorithms. At one point, she noticed the guy sitting next to her sneak a peak at what she was reading, when he saw the math on the screen, he turned back to the in-flight magazine and didn't say a word the rest of the flight. Loretta smiled inside her mouth. High-level math was more effective than headphones in warding off potential chatterboxes on planes.

The car salesman was waiting at the baggage claim, holding a sign bearing her last name. They completed the paperwork for the transfer of the title and the salesman walked her to the vehicle. She asked him how he planned to get back to the dealership. He was embarrassed to say he hadn't thought about that. He'd never sold a car over the phone before and was a little fuzzy on the details of the process. She motioned for him to get into the passenger's seat. She threw her backpack into the back seat and climbed behind the wheel. After making the necessary seat and mirror adjustments, she pulled out of the garage and asked the salesman to direct her to the dealership. A few minutes later she dropped him off in front of the showroom, and, literally, headed for the hills.

Her destination was Spencer, North Carolina, a tiny town located about half way between Asheville, North Carolina, and Knoxville, Tennessee. The closest Interstate exchange was miles away, and the roads that led through Spencer didn't go anywhere people from outside the area needed to go. It was a sleepy hamlet in the middle of nowhere. Loretta's mother's bed and breakfast was the only business in the area that catered to outsiders, and Loretta knew that her mother barely made enough money to meet expenses. She had a few loyal customers, mostly hikers, birdwatchers and photographers, who visited year after year. Loretta knew that the bed and breakfast was more of a hobby than a business for her mother. She thought that might be a good thing, because it would allow her to spend most of her time running her own business, and the rest of her time hiking in the woods.

She called her mother to let her know that she was on the ground and would be arriving in a couple of hours. Her mother expressed shock that Loretta dropped everything and come home so quickly. Loretta shrugged, "It's not that big a deal, Mom. I was renting an apartment. I shipped all my business equipment and personal belongings to your address, and hopped on a plane. Has UPS delivered the packages yet?"

"Not yet, but they called me this morning to tell me that they were bringing a large delivery later today."

"Hopefully I'll be there before they arrive. If they get there before I do, have them haul the boxes up to the attic. Do you have a large table, like a parson's table – we can move up there?"

"No."

"Okay. I'll stop and pick up something." She pulled off the road and used her smart phone to locate the nearest furniture store. She bought two six foot tables that she could assemble herself. The boxes didn't fit in the car, but a service person helped her to carry them to her car and tie them to the roof. Loretta felt like an idiot, and she had to drive very slowly, but she managed to get to Spencer without rolling the car off the side of a mountain – and with the tables still on the roof.

Her mother greeted her at the door, using a walker. Her mother looked so frail! Loretta made a mental note to get her mother out in the fresh air from time to time, even if it involved an argument. It was obvious that her mother's tendency to stay cooped up inside all the time was not helping her recovery.

UPS had delivered her computer equipment a half hour before Loretta arrived. Freddie had asked them to put it in the attic, but had not been able to go up the stairs to make sure the delivery person had put the boxes away carefully. Loretta managed to drag the tables up to the attic one at a time. She verified that the UPS packages appeared to be intact and undamaged. She decided to wait until later to set up the tables and unpack the boxes.

She returned to the first floor, where her mother was heating soup for lunch. Loretta smelled the soup and grinned, "Smells like home!" Her mother dished up two bowls of soup and cut large squares of corn bread. Loretta suggested that they take their lunch out on the porch to eat in the sunshine. Her mother laughed, "What kind of computer nerd is such a sunshine fanatic?"

"A very rare and unusual nerd. I'm the only geek I know with a nice tan. I've lived in California for years, where you can go outside almost every day. I walk and run and revel in the sunshine. My friends – some of whom are so vampire-ish they never go outside in the daytime – mostly think I'm a freak."

"Will you be able to stand it here, what with the rain, fog and cold?"

Loretta raised her eyebrows and made straight line with her mouth. "I guess time will tell about that. Worst case, I'll buy a treadmill and a sunlamp."

Her mother laughed, but Loretta wasn't kidding.

After lunch, Loretta encouraged her mother to walk out to the road to check the mail. After some argument, her mother agreed to walk to the street – even though the mailman had already delivered the mail to the door. Loretta walked with her mother, who was sweating and exhausted by the time she got back into the house. The home health care nurse had set up a bedroom for Freddie in a room on the first floor by the kitchen. She retreated there immediately for a nap after the exertion of her walk.

That gave Loretta the opportunity to set up shop. It took her a couple of hours to unpack the equipment and arrange it on the tables which she set up by the long wall in the attic. The WiFi connection for the inn was an open and non-secure connection, which would absolutely not serve Loretta's needs. She called the service provider and asked if she could get a second account with a super-secure connection for the same billing address. They were able to do that over the phone, given that the hardware was already installed. Approximately three hours after her arrival, Loretta was back in business. She had received forty emails, which she disposed of in about ten minutes, mostly by forwarding them to the colleague to whom she was transferring her small accounts.

She decided to let him have her email account as well. She forwarded the email from that account to him, and sent him the log-in and password information. Then she set up a new email account and sent her four "keeper" customers, the new email address to use instead of using her personal address.

After doing what she considered the really important things, Loretta unpacked her clothes, which she knew were totally unsuitable for North Carolina – both because they were too light weight and too crummy. Her mother was going to have a cow when she discovered that Loretta still dressed like she had when she was in college – and mostly in the very same clothes. To forestall arguments, she went online and ordered a couple of pairs of jeans and some tops from Old Navy. She also ordered a couple of sweatshirts, a jacket and a selection of makeup from eBay. She considered ordering a book on how to apply makeup because it had been ages since last time she had put anything on her face other than sunscreen. She chuckled and told herself that her inner Southern gal would remember how to apply makeup. She hoped.

She found clean sheets in the hall closet and made up the single metal bed that had been in the attic as long as anyone remembered.

There was no bathroom in the attic, so she put her toothbrush in the main bathroom on the second floor.

Then she went to the kitchen and rummaged around for something to make for dinner.

## Chapter 2

Loretta's first few days at home passed in what she thought of as a perfect mix of work and relaxation, time with her mother and time alone. Both Loretta and her mother were early birds who loved to watch the sunrise while drinking their morning coffee. They got up before daybreak and ate breakfast, visiting quietly. As the sky began to lighten, they took their coffee out on the porch and sat quietly watching the new day reveal itself in all its pink, gold and purple glory. Once the sun was fully up, Freddie went inside to do the dishes and then lie down to rest, while Loretta headed out for her morning walk, which typically took a couple of hours.

By the time she returned home Freddie was up, reading the paper. Loretta was determined to make her mother take a walk outside on the sidewalk every day. Freddie had never been one to exercise and she gave Loretta grief about it, but Loretta threatened to rat her mother out to the doctor. He had told Freddie if she didn't do her walking at home, he would send her to a convalescent center for physical rehabilitation. Under that kind of threat Freddie permitted Loretta to help her walk slowly up and down the sidewalk in front of the house every morning.

When they came inside, Freddie was ready to rest again, typically stretched out on the couch in the living room to watch her morning shows on TV. Loretta took that opportunity to throw in a load of laundry and then head up to the attic for a few hours of work.

Her clients liked the fact that she was close. Two of her clients were in McLean, Virginia, one was in Charlotte, NC, and the other – her oldest and most faithful client – was in Boston. They all asked her to visit their facilities whenever it would be convenient for her to do so.

Typically, she was able to clear up most of her daily work by early afternoon, at which point she and Freddie would prepare and eat lunch. After lunch Loretta made Freddie take another walk and then Freddie was ready for her afternoon nap. While her mother rested, Loretta read, alternating between sprawling on her bed in the attic or stretching out on a chaise on the side porch, depending on the weather. Periodically, she'd take breaks to exchange flurries of text messages with her geek friends around the globe. Virtually every one of them thought she was nuts for moving back home with her mother. The serenity and restfulness of those first few days at home gave Loretta some (slim) hope that they were all wrong.

The real test would come when she had to engage with the neighbors.

On Friday, Freddie made out her grocery list for the following week. She asked if Loretta felt up to helping to prepare the Russell Inn's locally famous "Southern Sunday Supper." For years Freddie had hosted a traditional Sunday Supper for a number of the elderly people in the community who lived alone. They paid her for the meal, but the fellowship had become like family. Freddie had suspended the suppers for several weeks while she was incapacitated. She wanted to resume her routine, and she missed getting together with her neighbors. She told Loretta she believed her friends were eager to resume their gatherings, too.

Loretta agreed. They planned a menu of dishes that Loretta could cook, under Freddie's close supervision. The last time Loretta had actually helped cook a big meal was three years ago when she was home for Thanksgiving. She had never cooked a meal for herself, at least nothing that could not be eaten out of a single pot standing over the sink. She was careful not to let her mother know about that. She had, wisely, never shared very much information about her lifestyle with her mother. But, Loretta had grown up in the household of a truly great Southern cook, and she learned the basics early in life. She reckoned she could muddle through, with her mother's help.

They decided that if they kept the menu simple and Freddie supervised carefully, Loretta would be able to pull of a respectable Sunday Supper.

Freddie wanted Loretta to go to the store by herself, but Loretta insisted it would be a good opportunity for Freddie to get out, see people and – most importantly – get some exercise. Freddie rolled her eyes and made a face that clearly demonstrated her impatience for Loretta's harping about exercise. Freddie was an old-school Southern woman who believed that the only place a woman should work up a sweat was over the stove. She did not like to physically exert herself. Loretta was careful not to express her opinion that if her mother had got more exercise and not put on so much weight over the years, her hip might not have needed replacing.

Ultimately, the opportunity to get out and rub elbows with other people won out, and Freddie agreed to go to the store with Loretta. She said, "Why don't you go get dressed, dear. I'll have another cup of coffee."

"I am dressed."

Her mother paused, sipped her coffee and said, "Oh." That tiny word hung in the air and echoed like a prosecutor reading an indictment.

Loretta wanted to stamp her foot and storm out, which is what she had always done when she was a kid and her mother started to criticize her. She was no longer a kid, and she felt that foot-stamping and storming off to pout would be undignified behavior for a 39 year old professional woman. Instead, Loretta stood up and pretended not to notice the emotionally loaded undertones of her mother's remark. She simply said, "I'm ready. Let's go."

When she started to turn left to go into town, her mother motioned in the other direction. "Go that way. A few years ago, they put in a super WalMart over in the next town. I do my grocery shopping there."

Loretta pursed her lips and turned the car in the other direction. She did virtually all of her shopping online, mostly from Ebay. When she shopped locally, Loretta frequented organic farmer's markets for food and thrift shops for clothes. She refrained from mentioning any of that to her mother. Especially the thrift store part. One of her mother's most frequent criticisms of Loretta when she was in college was that she "looked like she bought her clothes at the Goodwill." Loretta bit her lips and had never once let on that Goodwill was, in fact, where she did most of her clothes shopping.

Twenty minutes later they pulled into the parking lot of the store, which was bigger than the high school Loretta had attended. She knew immediately that the next little while was going to be a challenge. It turned out to be more than a little while. Freddie refused to use one of the motorized carts provided for disabled people, so they had to walk – very slowly. By the time they got down the second aisle in the enormous grocery portion of the store, Freddie was worn out. Loretta installed her in a seat near the pharmacy, took the shopping list and virtually sprinted around the rest of the store to fill the order. She didn't recognize anybody in the store, and nobody gave any indication of recognizing her. She thought that was odd because she knew that the news of her return would have gone out throughout the community. Then she realized that the gigantic store served a number of towns, so probably most of the patrons didn't even know her family. Loretta shook her head in disappointment. She had hoped her mother could pass the time visiting with her neighbors, not sitting alone surrounded by strangers bustling past. Loretta liked to shop where people knew her name and her preferences, even if she had to pay a little more.

Loretta paid for the purchases with her credit card. Her mother looked at her and said, "What are you doing?"

Loretta gritted her teeth and breathed in through her nose. The intentionally ill-concealed disapproval that lay under such mild words had always made Loretta want to break something. She said softly, "Paying for the groceries. What's the problem?"

Her mother stood up as straight as her arthritic back would permit and said, "This is my grocery order. I should pay for it."

Loretta laughed, genuinely amused, "You know, Mama, I'm sorry. I've been paying my own way for so long, it never occurred to me that this is your business order. I've already run my card through. We can straighten up later." She needed to allow Freddie to save face after bitching at her, so she added, "Besides, I threw in some personal stuff for myself, so some of this is actually mine."

Freddie nodded and said, "Okay, I'll pay you back for the groceries out of the business account later."

Loretta nodded, and signed the ticket, without further comment. She pushed the cart slowly behind her mother and helped her get into the car. Then she stowed the groceries in the trunk, putting the refrigerated and frozen items in a cooler they'd brought along for the purpose.

As Loretta drove toward Spencer, they were quiet for a few minutes. After a while, Freddie said, "That's a really nice, new WalMart. It's much bigger and easier to find things in than the one they used to have here. How does it compare to the one where you lived?"

"I don't know. I imagine there must be a WalMart somewhere in Silicon Valley, but I never shopped there. I did all my shopping either online or at stores I could walk to from my apartment."

"You're kidding."

"No, I'm not. Actually, my life in Silicon Valley was very similar to my life in Boston. Which was – except for the traffic and being surrounded by damn Yankees – not that different from living in Spencer. I spent virtually all of my time within a few blocks of my home, which was also my office. I knew most of the merchants I dealt with by name and they knew me.

"This morning's shopping trip was a new and rather unpleasant experience for me. I usually only experience that sense of being a sheep in a pen when I'm in airports." She laughed, "I guess I don't step out of my comfort zone very often."

Freddie looked at her daughter with an odd expression. "I don't know anyone who's never shopped at WalMart." She paused for a long time, and then said softly, "You were always very different."

Loretta never took her eyes off the road, and she found herself gripping the wheel until her knuckles whitened. She swallowed hard and croaked, "I know that was always hard for you to deal with."

Freddie didn't look at her daughter but she smiled and nodded, "In a way, it made it harder for me that I understood you were aware of it. Most kids who are somehow 'different' either don't know or don't care what that means in a community like Spencer. Some kids rebel, go bad and do things to embarrass and humiliate their parents, and they don't give a dern. Our old pastor's oldest son has been in prison for twenty years. He never cared an iota how much pain he caused his Mama and Daddy.

"You always knew that it was hard for us to have a child who was so out of place in our community, but you cared about our feelings. You tried so hard to hide your differences. You bent over backwards to be the 'good little girl'. You did everything right. Straight A's in school. Perfect attendance in Sunday School. Four H awards every time we turned around. You went through all the motions and jumped through all the hoops of small town life. You tried so hard to make it look like you fit in. I think for a long time you fooled almost everybody but me, your Daddy and Pastor Marty."

Loretta shrugged, "It wasn't that bad. I faked it as much for me as for you and Daddy. I'm different from most people around here (actually, I've discovered that I'm different from most people pretty much anywhere), but I'm not a rebel. I don't like to rock the boat. I tried the best I could to fit in as much for my own comfort as for yours. I want you to understand that. I totally failed in my efforts, but I really tried for a long time. Eventually I gave it up as a hopeless effort. Leaving seemed the only option."

Freddie patted her daughter's hand as it rested on the steering wheel, and said, "Somehow, that does make me feel a little better." She looked out the window for a while and then asked, without looking at Loretta, "Have you really been happy since you left Spencer?"

Loretta threw back her head and laughed, "Yes, ma'am. I think I'm the happiest person I know. I will admit, I never felt really comfortable in California. I liked the sunshine and the nerd culture, but California's too strange a place for a little ol' gal from Spencer. I loved studying with so many smart people in Boston, but it was too freaking cold, and I couldn't stand the people from Boston. Talk about damn Yankees!

"But, everywhere I went, I made friends. Most of them are as weird as me, but they are really smart people who challenge me in many ways. There's a whole geek subculture that exists both in person and online. We have a nerdy version of fun.

"Most importantly, I always have been able to do work I truly love to do. How many people do you know – other than yourself – can say that?

"And," she hesitated, because money was a verboten topic in her family, "I will tell you even if it's a topic we've never discussed, my work has made me a lot of money. A whole lot of money. Money I've never spent because there was nothing I felt I really needed or wanted. I know you've always thought that I was living on the edge of bankruptcy because of the way I dress and my living in one-room furnished apartments. The fact is, while I have no interest in clothes or home furnishings, I'm far from poor."

Loretta sighed and looked around at the scenery. She smiled and patted her mother's hand, "You, know, Mama, I'd love to find a place for myself in Spencer. This is my home and I love everything about the mountains and the slow lifestyle. It would be wonderful to live with or, at least, near you. I'm willing to meet the community half way, but I've been away and lived my own lifestyle for a long time. I'm not willing to turn myself inside out to try to fit in anymore. I would like to think that the locals would be willing to accept me as I am instead of trying to turn me into someone I can never be. Do you think that could be possible?"

Freddie said softly, "Is a wife and mother someone you could never be?"

Loretta drove for a while, chewing on the inside of her cheek. This was the most dangerous topic of all, and she and her mother had never previously had the courage to discuss it. She said, "I don't know the answer to that. I never met a man I wanted to marry." She blinked back tears, angry at her loss of control, "But I have never given up the hope that one day I might." She shook her head, and added, "As for motherhood, that was never on my agenda. I don't think I'd be a good mother. I'm too selfish, and I mortally hate to be needed." She laughed, "That may have been part of my problem with men. The few guys I dated wanted to have kids." She swallowed hard, "Maybe when I get older, I'll meet someone who already has a grown family...."

She shook her head, cleared her throat and said, "I'm really sorry that I don't have a better answer for you. I wish I did."

Freddie was quiet for a long time, then she cleared her throat and whispered, "I wish you did, too, but I am overwhelmed by your honesty. Thank you."

Loretta said, "That was hard. Can we change the subject?"

"I think that would be a good idea." She snapped her fingers, "Since we took so long at the store, which is my fault for being too proud to ride in one of those derned scooters, let's eat supper out instead of cooking. My treat, since you paid for the groceries."

Loretta grinned and asked, "Is Pat's Q Shack still in business?"

"Mr. Pat died, but his kids took over the business. There's some debate about whether they smoke the meat as good as he did, but it's better than any barbecue you'd be able to get in California, and the people in the kitchen use his recipe for mac 'n' cheese."

"Then, let's go!" She paused, "Should we take the groceries home and then go?"

Freddie said, "Would you mind if we carried out? The place is always packed and the tables are close together. I don't think I could manage with my walker."

Loretta reached into her purse and handed her mother her cell phone. "Call them and put in the order. I want a pulled pork sandwich, with mac 'n' cheese and Brunswick stew."

"You want tea?"

"We have tea at home. Actually, to be honest, Mama. I'd like a beer with that meal, if you wouldn't mind."

Freddie made a disapproving face but said, "I have some beer in the fridge in the garage. I keep spirits on hand for guests."

"What's that bottle of bourbon in the pantry for?"

"Medicine."

Loretta threw back her head and laughed. Every Baptist in Spencer had a bottle of "medicine" somewhere in their house, even if they claimed to be tee-total abstainers.

Freddie put in the order and the women rode in companionable silence for a while enjoying the beautiful late summer afternoon. It was early for dinner when Loretta pulled into the parking lot of Pat's, but the place was already full with people waiting in rocking chairs on the porch. Freddie handed her daughter $20, and Loretta made her way through the crowd to the carry-out window.

The pimply fifteen year old at the window said, "Yes'm?"

"Order for Russell."

The girl turned away and a lady standing nearby said loudly, "I declare! Lo-rett-a Russell! I heard you were home visitin' your mama. How are you, Gal?"

Loretta had absolutely no idea who the woman was, but she responded, as politely as possible, "I'm fine, and Mama's doing very well, too. I plan to stay with her while she recuperates."

The woman looked surprised, "Oh, really? How long you planning to stay?"

"As long as Mama needs me."

The woman arched her eyebrows and smirked, "Won't your family need you back home soon?"

Loretta knew that everybody in town was aware that she was what they considered to be a spinster. Instead of smacking the bitch, she smiled the kind of "bless-your-heart" smile she didn't know she still had in her and said, "Mama is my family."

She turned back to the window, paid for the food and walked away without saying good-bye to the woman or acknowledging any of the dozen or so people who were openly eaves-dropping on the conversation.

Welcome home, Loretta. It's good to have you back, Sugar. Not.

When she got back to the car, she found it surrounded by a bunch of old people. Freddie was holding court from the passenger's seat. Loretta took a deep breath and waded into the crowd. She shook hands and submitted to hugs from a bunch of people she didn't know, a few of whose names rang a distant bell. After a few more minutes of chattering, Loretta said, "Mama, if we want to eat our dinner before it gets cold, we'll have to run along, now." She walked around the car, climbed behind the wheel and started the engine. The visitors moved away from the car.

Freddie didn't say anything. Loretta could tell something was wrong. Once they were under way, she asked, "What'd I do?"

"That was so rude."

"What?"

"Interrupting my conversation with my friends like that."

"Don't you want to eat your dinner before it gets cold and the sandwiches get soggy?"

"Well, sure I do, but not enough to hurt somebody's feelings."

Loretta shook her head and tried not to yell, "Explain to me how it's rude for us to excuse ourselves politely to go eat our supper while it's hot, but it's not rude of those folks to hold us up with their idle chit chat!"

Freddie threw up her hands in exasperation and looked at Loretta, "You really don't understand, do you?"

"No. I really don't. If you can explain it. Please do so."

"You have to put your needs ahead of somebody else's."

Loretta laughed, "Really?" She couldn't think of anything to say that would not totally piss her mother off, so she opted for, "And does that rule apply to everybody or just you and me?"

"What?"

"Nothing." Loretta waved her hand in the air as if to erase the recent events. "I'm sorry if I embarrassed you in front of your friends, Mama. You know my social skills were poor when I was a kid, and I'll tell you now, they haven't gotten any better with age. Here's what I recommend. I think you should just let everybody know that I've been living among Yankees for twenty years and what little manners I had to begin with have worn off."

Freddie laughed, "I can't say that!"

"Why not? It's actually the truth."

"All the more reason I can't say it."

"Mama, we need to change the subject. I have been a cultural misfit in this place since I learned to talk, and that's not going to change. You and I are going to have to figure out a way to deal with that. And, frankly, the neighbors are just going to have to cope." She drove in silence for a few minutes and than asked, "How come I can't be considered one of those wonderful eccentric, crazy old bats that folks in the South are so fond of?"

"What are you talking about?"

"Instead of thinking of me as rude, uncooperative, and anti-social, why doesn't the community just accept that I'm 'odd'. Seems to me that odd-balls have always been accepted as a part of the Southern landscape."

Freddie thought about that for a few minutes, then she burst out laughing, and she kept on laughing until she got the hiccups.

"It's not that funny, Mama!"

Freddie managed to suppress the giggle-fit long enough to say, "Actually, I think that's a positively brilliant idea, and, what is more, I think it might work."

Loretta grinned and winked, "I can be as weird as you need me to be!"

In the kitchen, Loretta cut her sandwich in half. She took most of the meat off the sandwich and put it in a plastic container. Then put half of the bun in a baggie, and put the containers in the fridge. Freddie raised her eyebrows, "You practicin' odd behavior already?"

"No. This is just my way of making sure I don't over eat. That's about a week's worth of meat for me. I'm guaranteeing I won't eat it all at one sitting."

"You're too thin. You should eat more."

"We've been doing really well today, Mama. Let's not blow it now."

"Why? Don't you want to tell me that I'm too fat and I shouldn't eat so much."

"It's not my place to tell you what to do, Mama. But, I do worry about your health."

Freddie laughed, and said, "There you go again!"

"What'd I do now?"

"What self-respecting Girl Raised In The South doesn't think she knows what's best for everybody around, and share the opinion with them all?"

"Me."

"You're going to be a hit as a misfit."

Loretta winked, "I've been practicing my whole life. I could go Goth again if you want me to."

"Not that, please! There are still people in town who think that you are a Satanist because of that black lipstick."

Loretta cleaned up the kitchen while Freddie went in to the living room to watch television. Loretta reckoned she had a couple of hours of daylight left, so she decided to take a second walk. When she returned home a little after seven, Freddie was asleep on the couch. Loretta woke her up and helped her to bed.

Loretta went to her room, checked her email and phone messages. Then she stretched out with her e-reader for several hours of silent bliss.

On Saturday afternoon they baked several pies and did as much of the prep work for the Sunday dinner as they could. Freddie spent several hours on the phone calling people and taking reservations. They would have four guests. Freddie told Loretta she didn't want to overload either of them with too many guests at once. Loretta was grateful for that, since this was the first time she'd ever cooked a meal for a crowd.

Saturday supper consisted of a grilled cheese sandwich and tomato soup for Freddie and leftover barbecue, macaroni and Brunswick stew for Loretta. As Loretta packed up the leftovers at the end of the meal, her mother asked, "How many meals you gonna get outta that pork sandwich dinner."

"I usually get three meals out of a restaurant order. Two dinners and a lunch. When I order Oriental, I usually get a large order which will sometimes feed me one meal a day for most of a week."

"You like Chinese food? We have a Chinese place in town now."

"I like Thai and Vietnamese food better. But, good Chinese is nice sometimes."

"I'm thinking that our little chop suey house wouldn't be up to your standards."

"Probably not. There's a fabulous oriental restaurant on every corner in California. My standards for that kind of food are very high, indeed."

After supper, Freddie cleared her throat and said, "I have a favor to ask you. I'm afraid you won't want to do it."

Loretta lowered her head and looked at her mother over the top of her glasses, grinning. "I was wondering when you were going to broach the subject of church."

"It's been weeks since I've been to church, and I'd really like to go."

"I know, Mama. What I want to know is how come I can't be like old Mr. Pawley down the road. He drops Miz Pawley at church and goes fishing every Sunday, then comes back to pick her up after the service. How come I can't just drop you off?"

Freddie looked as though she were considering throwing a fit, but she ran her fingers through her hair and said, with obvious effort, "This is your first week home in years. In the future, if you are not embarrassed by taking me to church and dropping me off, that will be fine. I'd really like you to go with me tomorrow for your first Sunday. Frankly, I feel like I might be able to use some help getting in and out of the church pew."

Loretta chewed on that for a minute. The last time she had set foot in a church was on the occasion of her high school baccalaureate service. The service was held in the Methodist church and the Baptist preacher gave the address. He chose the occasion to deliver a hell-fire and damnation screed against any person who was not a born-again Christian. There were a lot of noses out of joint over that because the Episcopalians, Presbyterians and Methodists discovered to their dismay they were not considered 'saved' by the Baptist purists, due to the fact that they were not baptized by immersion.

Loretta thought it was positively the rudest thing she had ever seen or heard up to that point in her life. She never said a word about it to her mother or to the minister, but she swore off Christianity beginning that day.

Nevertheless, she didn't want to fight with her mother, who treasured and was nurtured by her church community. "Is Pastor Marty still the preacher?"

"No, sweetheart. He died. We have a new young preacher. I think you'll like him. He's married and has several little kids. His sermons are very lively and they have a praise band that's pretty good."

The last part of that statement made Loretta want to open a vein, but she said, "Okay, Mama, I'll make nice and go to church with you tomorrow. I will even stay through the service on two conditions: number one, nobody tries to get me to answer an altar call; number two, there is no preaching against other churches."

Freddie sighed, "Pastor Tim doesn't usually preach against other Christians. He preaches against Jews and Arabs and people who don't practice any religion, but he doesn't usually get after other Christians, except sometimes Catholics, but I've never been really sure they're actually Christians, anyway. In any case, his sermons are usually low key."

Loretta walked up close to her mother and whispered, "Like I said, don't push me to do something I can't do." Freddie nodded, with her eyes closed to avoid her daughter's penetrating glare. Loretta turned away, and then stopped and said, "Oh, and for the record, the Catholics kind of invented Christianity as we know it, so I think they should get a pass."

"What?"

"Never mind."

Loretta had trouble sleeping she was so nervous at the prospect of being surrounded by the community of good Baptists from Spencer. She grew up under their disapproving glare, and had planned to never subject herself to their presence again. After this Sunday, she would return to her heathenish ways, but just this once, she'd knuckle under, show her face and try to behave – hoping against hope that she would not be struck dead upon walking in to the sanctuary. Suddenly she sat up in bed and blurted, "Oh, my God!"

Loretta padded down the stairs to her mother's room and knocked softly. "Mama, are you still awake?"

"Yes, dear. Come in. What's wrong?"

Loretta looked as though she might cry. "Mama, I have nothing to wear to church tomorrow."

"If you don't have a nice dress, you can get away with wearing dress pants. Especially in the summer a lot of ladies wear summery pants."

"You don't understand Mama. I own two pairs of jeans, two pairs of sweat pants, and the khaki cargo pants I have been wearing around here all week. I have nothing even remotely suitable for church."

"What size pants do you wear?"

"Size four or, sometimes, six."

"You're kidding?! I told you that you're too skinny. Well, my size 18's won't help you. What size did you wear in high school?"

"Six or eight."

"I still have some boxes of your clothes in the storage end of the attic. Maybe you could find something there. I think you had a couple of cute dresses."

Loretta laughed and shook her head, "All I can say, Mama, is if you didn't know how much I love you, you better understand it now. I expect to earn some serious extra credit with you for showing up at a Baptist church in a twenty year old dress!"

Freddie winked and said, "I'll give you extra bonus points if you put on a little lipstick."

Loretta pretended to glare at her mother, "Don't push me, Mama!" Then she winked.

Loretta discovered that she actually had some decent clothes in high school. Her mother had made most of her clothes: simple a-line skirts which she wore with tailored shirts. The collars on the shirts were too large, but she found a cute geometric print A-line dress. She dug around and found a pair of white sandals. The dress was a little loose, but it looked okay. It smelled musty, so Loretta took it down to the kitchen and tossed it in the dryer with a dryer sheet for a few minutes.

The next morning, she got up early for her run. She was coming in the front door, dripping sweat when Freddie came into the kitchen. "You'd better get ready!"

Loretta looked at the clock. "It's only eight o'clock. Church isn't until ten. How early do you want to get there?"

"We need to leave here by nine-thirty."

"No problem, Mom. It takes me twenty minutes flat to shower and dress. Let's eat breakfast first."

At nine o'clock, Loretta went upstairs to shower and dress. She returned to the kitchen in twenty-five minutes, dressed in her colorful dress and white sandals. She had pulled her hair up into a loose French twist and was wearing not just lipstick but full face makeup."

Freddie asked her, "When was the last time you wore makeup?"

Loretta had to think about it. "About three years ago one of my clients invited me to go to their annual stockholders meeting. The evening after the meeting the CEO had a dinner at his house for the Board of Directors. They invited me. That was the last time I think I put on makeup, or a dress either for that matter."

"Just out of curiosity what did you wear."

"Oh, something I picked up at a store in the airport. I think it was a Gucci knockoff or something. It was the classic little black dress that every woman is supposed to have in her wardrobe. I paid four hundred dollars for it, and wore it once."

"Do you still have it?"

"No. I gave it to the Goodwill."

"Why, if it was still good?"

"It was still good, but it came up against my one year rule."

"What does that mean?"

"Anything I don't wear in the course of a year, I give away because I figure somebody else may be able to put it to better use than me."

"You have got to be kidding me."

"Nope. And actually, right now, everything I own is upstairs in my attic room right now."

"You didn't put anything in storage?"

"No. I gave away everything I had that was any good and threw away most of my clothes, which I mostly bought when I was in college, and they were pretty rag-like."

Freddie shook her head, "How did you feel walking into my attic storage room?"

"At first I was totally freaked out at the thought that you have saved all my stuff. But then, I noticed that you still have Daddy's things and a bunch of other stuff that looks really old. I think I want to go exploring. You may have some real treasures up there, and not just in terms of clothes."

"I'm sure there are some valuable antiques up there, but don't get any ideas about getting rid of anything. I can't bring myself to part with any of my treasures."

"Okay, but can I look around?"

"Sure. And if there's anything you think you might be able to use, clothes or furniture, help yourself."

"Thanks, Mama. We'd better go."

As they pulled out of the driveway, Freddie said, "By the way, Honey, you look very pretty."

"Thank you, Mama. I can't remember you ever telling me that before."

Freddie looked out the window with a sad expression and said, "Me, either. Sad to say."

Loretta grinned and said, "Are you sure this outfit doesn't look 25 years old?"

"Actually, I think you hit it perfectly. It doesn't look dated at all, and it also doesn't look too young for you."

"You always told me I dressed too old. Maybe I sort of grew into this outfit. I never did have any sense of fashion."

"A failing you have neglected to rectify."

"I don't consider it really a failing. Maybe a disability, but it's one I get around by not giving a damn what I look like."

"Please don't swear."

"Sorry."

Loretta wondered if she could get out of going to church by dropping a couple of well-placed F-bombs. She concluded that might backfire. Her mother might drag her into the sanctuary and ask for an exorcism – if Baptists did anything like that. She pushed that thought out of her head, for fear it would bring on a giggle-fit during the sermon.

The parking lot was full, and people were milling around in the church yard before the service. Loretta hopped out and ran around to get Freddie's walker. They were immediately surrounded by several elderly gentlemen who were falling all over themselves to assist Freddie. She was greeted warmly by each of them, and then by a circle of couples, and a few other elderly women. Loretta hung back holding the walker while her mother made her way through the crowd on the arm of a tall, gangly-looking farmer who she introduced to Loretta as Mr. Bradford Thomas. Loretta realized that her mother was evidently considered to be something of a 'catch' to the elderly male population of Spencer. Loretta didn't know if that was because her mother owned her own home and was financially comfortable, or if it was because her cooking was positively legendary. Loretta decided that it was probably some combination of both.

Loretta followed the crowd, thrilled that it was her mother who was the center of attention, and not the returned prodigal. They made their way into church. Loretta parked Freddie's walker in front of her mother in the row to assist her in standing for the hymns. Mr. Brad, as he asked to be called, sat on her mother's right. Loretta sat on the aisle on her mother's left. People waved at her and smiled. Loretta politely waved back. It had been years since Loretta had prayed, but she found herself praying for the forbearance and patience to get through the next couple of hours without having some kind of meltdown.

She managed to achieve a kind of Zen-like trance where she tried to observe the events going on around her without really participating in them. The experience was not unlike her reaction to the shopping expedition at WalMart or her response to the surreal environment of post-9-11 air travel. The whole thing was just weird and strange. She tried hard not to find it amusing in order to avoid inappropriate laughter, which would be rude and probably cause her mother inordinate embarrassment.

The band played really awful music half-way decently. The lead singer had a very nice voice, and he was quite handsome. Loretta thought he'd kick butt singing country music in a bar. His talents seemed wasted on praise-Jesus songs. But, he sounded sincere. Loretta made it a special point during the sermon to do the exercise she always did when people were making speeches of any kind: she recited the multiplication tables rapidly to herself the entire time. She had learned a long time ago that she could drown out human speech with math. The skill had served her well every time she had to go to a convention, awards ceremony or political meeting of any kind.

She had originally developed the skill when she was in school. She learned all she needed to know from the text books. Having the teachers try to explain information she already understood, confused her. So she learned to mentally drown out lectures, sermons and speeches of any kind.

The only downside to her focus on multiplication during the sermon was that she didn't laugh at the pastor's jokes. She was the only person who didn't laugh. It was noticed. Loretta knew that her failure to laugh at the preacher's jokes would meet with general disapproval, but she also knew that she preferred mild disapproval to the kind of community wrath that would follow her either getting up and walking out if the preacher pissed her off or if she laughed at something that wasn't supposed to be funny.

She was only too well aware that the latter was the biggest danger of all for her in a church. She and one of her friends from college discovered some holiness preacher on the TV late on a Saturday night when they'd been drinking beer and smoking pot for hours. They found the sermons so hilarious, they decided to watch again the next weekend, sober. They found the sermons even more entertaining when they could actually think about the ideas. Soon, watching televangelists became their favorite weekend entertainment. They'd buy popcorn and beer, and laugh until their sides hurt. Loretta didn't really disapprove of religion _per se_. She disapproved of so-called religious people who were bigots and cruel and mean. She found most of what little she knew about religion to be ridiculous to the point of hilarity. She was so terrified that she would laugh inappropriately, she felt sweat running down her spine. Which made her decide to switch from simple multiplication to square roots, which required even greater concentration.

When the service was finally (mercifully) over Loretta followed her mother and Mr. Brad down the aisle. The pastor 's wife, who was about her age, shook her hand and said something to the effect that perhaps they could get together for iced tea one day. Loretta smiled nodded. _Yeah, I'll bring the pot and the zig zag papers. You can make the brownies._ She turned to shake hands with Pastor Tim. Instead of shaking her hand, he enveloped her with a beatific smile and a huge hug, whispering into her ear, "Miss Loretta, you have no idea how wonderful it is for a preacher to encounter someone in the congregation who is so moved to prayer by the sermon."

Loretta looked at him, and squeaked, "Thank you, Pastor Tim." Then she all but ran to open the car. While Freddie was talking to her male entourage Loretta got behind the wheel, buried her head in her arms and laughed until she cried. Loretta was pretty sure that everyone in the parking lot believed she was crying because she had been so profoundly moved by the service. At least for a few minutes that morning, the consensus among the faithful at Willow Run Baptist Church was that Loretta Russell was coming around. She might just end up "saved" after all.

Freddie was on cloud nine when she got into the car. Her joy crashed and burned when she realized that Loretta was laughing. Fortunately, Loretta pulled out of the parking lot before anyone else caught on. Freddie was so furious she didn't speak to Loretta all the way home.

Loretta suggested that her mother might want to lie down for a rest until time to start dinner. She wanted to take a quick walk. Freddie agreed.

By the time they started supper, Loretta was able to talk without dissolving into howls and Freddie managed to at least speak to her daughter using civil words even if the tone was a little chilly.

They cooked fried chicken, mashed potatoes, green beans and biscuits without further incident. Loretta went into the garden, that was overgrown and full of weeds, and rescued a few tomatoes from the straggly vines. She told her mother she'd work on the garden the following week. Freddie looked surprised. "I didn't know you knew the first thing about gardening."

"Actually, I'm a pretty good gardener. We had a neighborhood garden in the summer in at my apartment complex in Massachusetts, and I was part of a community garden near my apartment in California. I love to eat fresh produce, but I enjoy it even more if I help grow it."

"You never cease to amaze me."

Loretta winked, "On occasion, even pleasantly. Right?"

"Yes. Sometimes you dazzle me."

Loretta opened the fridge and pretended to look for something way in the back until she could blink back her tears.

The Sunday Supper crowd arrived, Freddie kicked into Hostess mode and Loretta kept herself busy in the kitchen. During supper, the guests peppered her with questions. She answered with questions, and got them talking about themselves and telling stories. When they had finished eating, Loretta took the dishes into the kitchen and washed them. By the time the guests had left and Freddie came into the kitchen, Loretta had finished the dishes and was mopping the floor.

"What are you doing?"

"Um. Cleaning the kitchen."

Freddie looked around at the immaculate kitchen and started to say something. Then she sighed and said, "Thank you, Loretta. I know today was hard for you. I appreciate your effort."

Loretta walked across the wet floor and hugged her mother. "It wasn't so bad. The supper went very well, I think."

"Yes. It did. Do you want to watch TV with me?"

"Actually, Mama, I really need to check my messages. I haven't checked my work email today."

"You work on Sundays?"

"I work whenever my clients need me. I'm supposed to be on call 24/7/365."

## Chapter 3

Over the next few weeks, the days passed like bubbles rising from the the aquarium filter in the front room, each one very similar to the last. No guests checked into the Inn, but the Sunday Supper group grew from four to eight and then to ten. The dinners themselves were weekly challenges to Loretta because the guests used them as occasions to pepper Loretta with questions about her life while she was away, and then to offer their opinions about what she should do with the rest of her life now that she was home. Those opinions unanimously favored staying close by, getting married and starting a family "before it was too late." The ladies never hesitated to remind Loretta – often several times during a meal – that her biological clock was ticking. Loretta did not respond to the commentary. She simply tried to change the subject. She expected that kind of treatment from the old people who had nothing better to do than to butt into other people's business. It made her mad, however, that her mother never once defended her – because Freddie agreed with the old biddies.

As much as the dinners themselves posed a challenge, Loretta was pleased to discover that she enjoyed cooking. Her mother delighted in teaching Loretta her own favorite recipes, and they religiously watched the Food Network in the great cooks' never-ending search for the "perfect" recipe.

Soon, Loretta shocked her mother by starting to invent her own recipes. Loretta had loved chemistry in school, and was delighted to discover that cooking was very similar to chemistry lab. She had an innate sense of measurement, assisted by her ability to make complicated calculations in her head. Despite her obsession with her weight, Loretta had a sweet tooth, and she loved no dessert more than pie. She would occasionally eat nothing but steamed vegetables for days in order to splurge on pie over the weekend. In her new-found role as the chief cook and bottle washer at the Russell Inn, Loretta began to experiment with baking pies and tarts.

The Sunday Supper crowd raved about Loretta's pies so much that the owner of the local bakery called to ask if Loretta would be interested in selling some of her wares in the bakery. The owner offered to split the profits 50/50. Loretta laughed and said, "No way. It's gotta be 80/20 or nothing. I'm buying all the ingredients retail."

The bakery owner was so offended, she hung up on Loretta.

At first, Freddie was mad at Loretta for being rude to a townie, but, after they discussed it, she relented. The lady had been trying to take advantage of Loretta, and Loretta was just standing up for herself.

One morning at breakfast, Loretta said, "Mom, you're doing well, but I don't think you're going to be bustling up and down the stairs like you used to do. I have an idea that could be fun and I think it will be profitable for you."

"What do you have in mind?"

"Let's shut down the Inn operations, other than for your regular annual customers who come for the Fall leaves, and let's focus on baking pies. We can sell them online."

"How do you sell baked goods on the computer?"

"You bake them here. Package them. And ship them to people who order them."

"You mail pies?"

"Yep. You can buy just about anything in the mail. We can mail frozen pies that our customers can bake themselves or we can overnight pies that we bake for them."

"Who would buy that kind of thing? Wouldn't it be really expensive? And how would we let people know about us?"

"Mama, have you ever looked around on the Internet?"

"Not really. I know how to check my email that you set up for me, but that's about all."

Loretta closed her eyes and shook her head. She sprinted up the stairs and came back with her largest laptop computer. She put it on the table in front of her mother, and clicked a few keys. "See that? That is the top twenty pie vendors on the Internet. You want to see the next twenty?" She clicked. "And twenty more?" She clicked again. "Mama, you can buy anything on the Internet. I'll tell you, the competition is fierce and I don't expect to make a lot of money. But, you're not making that much money running the Inn now. I betcha that in less than a year, we can make more money selling pies online than you make after fifteen years of running this Inn."

"You think so?"

"I think so. And, if I'm wrong, we're not out anything because we'll do it all with free web marketing tools. It'll be fun. And, best of all, it's something you can do despite your bum hip."

"Okay!"

"The first thing we have to do is come up with a name for our business."

Freddie said, "It already has a name."

"It does?"

"Everybody around here refers to your masterpieces as 'Miss Loretta's Pies.' Do you think we could sell some directly to the neighbors?"

"Do you have the proper license to sell food for carry out?"

"Yes. I have a restaurant license, but I also got a carry out license because some of my guests like to buy box lunches to take with them on outings."

"Then we'll go into competition with the bakery lady and sell pies and cookies directly to our neighbors, too. Screw her for trying to take advantage of me!"

She noticed her mother's disapproving stare. She tried not to chuckle at the shock her mother would have expressed to the first word that had popped into her head.

## Chapter 4

Loretta decided to focus on selling a limited menu of pies online. She tested out her favorite recipes on the Sunday Supper gang over a period of weeks. The consensus was that her pecan pie was the best around. They encouraged her to enter it into the county fair. For more than a decade, two local women had been taking turns winning the blue ribbon for pies. That Fall, Loretta entered her pecan pie and a Dutch apple pie. She won first and second prize, and, at the same time, earned the eternal enmity of the two women whose turf she had invaded. Her mother told her later that many of the other cooks around, who had been squeezed out of pie competitions for years, secretly cheered her on. It made Loretta nervous that she'd managed to insert herself into the middle of what amounted to a running cat fight. She knew she was likely to catch it from both sides. She didn't show up to accept her awards and she made up her mind not to ever enter another cooking contest.

She registered a domain name and built a website using all free tools. She also printed up business cards which she attached to several pies Freddie took to a bake sale at her church. Orders started coming in, both locally and online. Loretta altered her daily routine to include baking a dozen pies or so early every morning. While the pies cooled, she'd go to her room and work for several hours. Then she'd package the pies for shipping. She arranged for UPS to make a pickup every afternoon, unless she canceled it by noon. After that, she'd go for her walk and then work a few more hours at her regular job.

Freddie paid for the pie ingredients from her Inn account, and all the proceeds went into that account. They made $3.00 profit on each pie, and from the second week they were in business they sold an average of 10 pies a day. Freddie was amazed. Loretta was a afraid. She did not expect to have achieved that level of success so quickly. She couldn't spare any more time time from her regular job. A dozen pies a day was the outer limit of her capacity. On the other hand, she loved the fact that her mother was so enthusiastic about the business.

She showed her mother how to arrange for shipping for each pie using the UPS online account Loretta set up. She created a blog embedded in her website and encouraged Freddie to write short posts about life in the mountains, recipes, the weather, or whatever else struck her fancy. Freddie embraced that project with relish, and "A Few Words From Mama" became a very popular web page among the locals as well as some of their more far-flung pie customers.

Loretta's own position in the community remained precarious. On the one hand, the neighbors gave her a lot of credit for putting her life on hold and coming home to take care of her mother. There was only the dimmest awareness in the community about Loretta's job as a computer security expert. That was because Loretta never discussed her work with anyone. Her mother knew that Loretta did some kind of work on the computer, but she had no idea what it was. Therefore, the consensus was that, since Loretta had no family and no "real" job, maybe her decision to come home and take care of her mother was not such a sacrifice after all. The community considered her something of a ne'er-do-well. And uppity, to boot.

The "points" she got for taking care of her mother, and the few additional credits she got from being a good cook, were almost completely wiped out by all of her other perceived failings, the worst of which was that she did not go to church. She faithfully took her mother to church, dropping her off in the parking lot and into the care of whichever one of Freddie's would-be suitors got to the car first. While Freddie was at church, Loretta disappeared and nobody knew where she went. She came back precisely two hours later and waited in the parking lot for the service to be over.

Pastor Tim's wife invited her to join a fellowship circle of women in their thirties and forties who met twice a month for lunch. Loretta declined, saying that she could not get away in the middle of the day. The library society invited her to join after she became top borrower of books in their system. She declined saying she could not get away in the evenings.

On Tuesdays she took her mother to her quilting circle at the Methodist church, and always contributed a pie or a tart to their lunch. She helped them mount quilts on their ancient quilting frame, and she asked a million questions about the origin of the designs and the techniques of piecing the fabric together, creating the quilting design and then actually doing the quilting. The ladies answered her questions patiently. She showed them some of the amazing quilting sites online, some of which chronicled the history of quilting in America and others of which sold quilts. The ladies were generally uninterested in anything having to do with computers, and they declined Loretta's offer to create a website featuring their work to add to one of the Quilting Circles online. After that, Loretta tended to read or work on her computer while the women quilted and chatted.

One day when Loretta returned from walking in the woods, Freddie told her that one of her high school classmates had stopped by and left an invitation to their upcoming high school reunion for Loretta. Freddie said that very few of their classmates lived in the area and the woman could use some help with the arrangements for the reunion. She wanted to know if Loretta would agree to help her with the planning.

Loretta narrowed her eyes. "And what did you tell her?"

"I told her I'd give you the message."

"Did you tell her that I'm already working my own job and baking a dozen pies a day, plus taking you to the doctor and around to the various social things you do? Did you tell her I don't have time for planning parties? Did you tell her I've never planned a party in my entire life and have no plans to learn? Did you tell her that the likelihood of my attending the reunion is zero and, that, therefore it is not likely I'd be interested in helping her plan the event?"

Freddie shook her head and looked annoyed, "No, I didn't tell her any of those things. What I told her was that I would pass on the invitation. I thanked her for offering to let you help with the planning and I told her that I hoped you'd take her up on the offer."

"Why in the hell would you say that?"

"Because that's how I feel! Honey, you've been here for three months. Other than table talk with the old people who come to supper on Sundays, I don't think you've had a conversation with another person besides me. You never go out. You don't participate in any of the community organizations nor do you participate community events. You didn't even show up at the county fair to accept your prizes for your pies! It wasn't bad enough that you beat out Helen and Tracy for the top honors, but you showed your contempt for the whole process by not even bothering to accept the prizes that some other ladies would have killed for. You're still wearing your clothes from high school, which are too big for you. You need to get out and make some friends. I'd think you'd be excited to be here for your high school reunion. You've never been able to attend any of the others up to now."

Loretta laughed, "Correction: I have never had the least desire to attend any of the gatherings of my high school class up to now, and I still don't. I have no intention of helping plan the party, nor will I go to the party whenever or wherever it takes place."

"Why not? What can it hurt to be nice to people?"

"Mama. You know that I've been a misfit to the point of being considered a freak around this town my whole life. I never fit in when I was in school, and I don't fit in now. I have no idea why I love it here so much, but I do. I love the mountains: the smell of the piney air and the silence of the woods. I love working in the garden, and puttering around the house. I've had a ball learning how to do house repairs after so many years of renting. Learning to cook has been a huge pleasure, partly because it's been fun to discover that I'm good at it but more because it's something that you and I can share and enjoy together without arguing. Creating our little pie business has been fun, even if I'm a little afraid it may get out of hand. I'm having a great time. I don't need or want to go out and join committees or socialize with people I don't know and don't have anything in common with other than the happenstance of being born in the same town."

"But, aren't you lonely?"

"Me? Lonely? Hell, no! Mama, do you know what I do for my regular job? Do you have any idea how many people I interact with during the course of a given day?"

"Not really. I didn't know you talk to anybody."

"I provide computer security for several large corporations. I work about six hours a day doing that. During those hours, I'm online and on the phone with people constantly. I am also a member of three different professional organizations. I'm considered something of an expert in my field. I probably spend another hour or two every day emailing or talking on the phone to other security professionals discussing issues that we all face. In addition, I probably spend another hour or two on the phone or online chatting with the knucklehead to whom I turned over the rest of my customers and who seems to be determined to wreck the business I created and handed to him. I'm very close to resuming responsibility for some more clients, which could be a huge burden, but I can't stand the thought of abandoning them altogether. I'm on the phone or online with dozens of people every day. During my downtime, I prefer to walk in the woods and read quietly on the porch. I don't need to add committees or clubs to my busy schedule. And I have plenty of interaction with people, even if it isn't face-too-face."

Freddie shook her head, "If it's not face-too-face, it's not personal interaction."

"I beg to differ with you. My very best friend is somebody I've only met once in person. We met online shortly after I got my first computer. He's from Scotland. We got acquainted through an old discussion board when I was in high school. Later when we got cell phones, we tried to talk on the phone a few times but we couldn't understand each other because of our accents, so we've stuck to online chat, email and now texting. We have shared a lot over the years. The only time we met in person was when his son was killed in a freak accident. I went to Scotland to attend the funeral. Ronald and his wife invited me to stay with them because neither of them has any family. She's a nerd, too, and also a member of my online circle. I spent two days with them. We still couldn't understand much of what anybody said verbally, but mainly we sat around drinking the best Scotch I've ever tasted and crying our eyes out. Don't you tell me that my online friendships aren't real!"

Freddie put her elbows on the table and rested her face in her hands. "Honey, I just want you to be happy."

"What do I have to do to prove to you that I am happy? I have work that I am passionate about, and colleagues who value me professionally and personally. I love being here with you in this gorgeous house surrounded by the mountains that have been my solace and my inspiration since I was old enough to go out on the porch and look up at them. The fact that I don't fit into the social fabric of this community is not a problem for me, and I wish to hell that everyone else would just accept it as a given and get over it!"

"The problem is that you're only looking at it from your perspective. I wish you'd try to look at it from the perspective of the neighbors. They see you as aloof and distant. They think you don't like them. It hurts their feelings."

"I understand. Frankly, I am aloof and distant largely because I have nothing in common with most of the people around here. It isn't that I don't like them. For the most part they are very nice people. The problem is, we have nothing in common. There is nothing for us to talk about."

"You don't have to talk about anything in particular. It's simply a matter of passing the time with your neighbors."

Loretta stood up and snapped her fingers, touched her nose and then pointed at her mother, "Bingo! Ding! Ding! Ding! That is the single biggest difference between me and everybody else around here. It surfaced as early as elementary school. It is the thing about me that annoys you and all the neighbors the most, and the thing about all of you that annoys me the most. In my world, there is too much to do, learn, or explore to spend time on small talk or simply killing time drinking coffee on the porch and talking about the weather. I don't have the time or the patience for it. I love having good conversations with people. Conversations about places they've been, things they've done, books they've read, religion, politics, goals, aspirations, dreams, fears, joys and – best of all – technical computer babble. I'll talk about those things all day long, and often do long into the night when I should be sleeping. But, don't ask me to go drink tea with the pastor's wife to kill a few hours a couple of times a month. I don't have the time or the inclination for that."

"They think that you think you're better than us."

"I don't think I'm better than you or anybody. I'm different. That is not the same as better."

"They think you don't approve of our lifestyle."

"Who the hell am I to approve or disapprove of anybody's chosen lifestyle? If it works for y'all, fine. Why do I have to participate to validate it? Why can't y'all just be happy living the way you do and leave me to be happy living the way I choose."

Freddie lifted her face from her hands and showed her daughter the tears in her eyes, "Because the fabric of the community is ruptured when somebody doesn't participate."

Loretta sighed and reached across the table to take her mother's hands in her own. "Which is why I didn't come back after college."

"Are you going to leave again?"

"Not any time soon. You can't maintain this place by yourself. And I like being here with you. But, if I stay here, it's got to be with the understanding that I'll live on my terms. I will not be bullied into behaving in a way that is alien to me. I tried so hard to do that when I was a kid, and failed. I'm a successful and happy adult, I'm not going to pretend to be something I'm not."

"Can't you compromise at least a little bit, somewhere along the line?"

Loretta closed her eyes. "I'll think about that. My experience in high school was that if I give in a little bit they will want more and more. Let me think if there's something I could see myself participating in."

Freddie squeezed her daughter's hand and said, "Thank you. I would appreciate that, because I don't want you to leave."

Loretta stood up and poured them more tea. She said softly, "I can pretty much guarantee you it won't be the high school reunion."

Freddie shook her head and went to her room for a nap.

Loretta retreated to the attic and wrote an impassioned rant in an email, which she did not send to anyone, because she was tired of her online friends telling her they had warned her she would not be able to go back home. She was almost as fed up with their negative opinions of her choices as she was with the neighbors. She could understand the neighbors enjoyment of their organizations and social circles. She could also understand her nerdy friends' enjoyment of their freedom from family entanglements. She wished both sides could understand that she liked being close to her mom and living in the mountains, but she didn't need or want to participate in the activities of the local community. She couldn't understand why both groups would not accept that, even if they didn't exactly understand it.

She deleted the unsent email rant, and then went downstairs to start dinner. While she was at it, she mixed up her pie crust for the next morning, wrapping twelve identical balls of dough in plastic and setting them on a tray in the fridge. Then she put on her hiking boots and headed for the hills.

She came back two hours later, sweating and smiling. Freddie was sitting on the back porch reading a book. She watched Loretta approaching, and waved. Loretta bounded up the stairs, two at a time, calling over her shoulder as she passed her mother, "Be right back! I need water, but I think I had a great idea."

She came back a few minutes later, and leaned against the porch railing. "I don't have time for this, but I'll make the time because it may help. I truly don't want you to have to take grief on my account. What if I volunteer to tutor kids in the schools? I can give my name to the schools and they can refer kids to me who are having trouble with math, science or computer classes. I wouldn't charge anything. It would get me out in front of people and give me the chance to use my best skills to help kids. What do you think?"

"I think you'd better charge for it."

"Why? I don't need the money, and I want to do something voluntary."

"People won't accept it if they think it's charity."

"Oh, for God's sake."

"I mean it."

"Okay, you tell me. What can I volunteer to do for nothing that people will accept as my contribution toward this community?"

"How about the Friends of the Library? Maybe through them you could offer some computer workshops. They have free workshops on various topics from time to time."

"Okay. I'll do it. I have books due tomorrow. I'll finish the one I'm reading tonight, and when I drop them off tomorrow, I'll talk to Mrs. Perkins about volunteering."

Freddie said, "It's a start."

Loretta leaned forward and took her mother's shoulders in her hands staring into her eyes, "No. It is not 'a start'. It the deal. The total deal. Do not push me!"

Freddie sighed and nodded. Loretta went inside to shower before she said something she would regret.

## Chapter 5

The head librarian jumped on Loretta's offer and immediately scheduled a computer class for older people in the daytime and a class for kids on the weekend. Loretta would teach the older people how to use email and navigate the Internet. She'd teach little kids keyboarding and some of the basic elements of website design and simple programming. Freddie was ecstatic.

One day, Loretta came in from her walk and found Freddie concentrating on the laptop at the kitchen table. She asked, "What are you finding so interesting?"

"I was just looking at the order history for the pies. We have a few repeat customers, but one in particular. A doctor in Asheville has been ordering two pies once a month, delivered to the emergency room at a hospital."

Loretta shrugged. "A lot of places have a monthly staff meeting or something like that. Usually there's food. Maybe the folks in the ER like pie."

"I was thinking, it might be nice to reward good customers. Where I get my hair cut, they give me a punch card. After six haircuts, I get one for free. What would you think about doing that with the pies. Maybe not giving one free because it costs so much to ship them, but maybe we could give a discount coupon or throw in a few cookies or something as a 'thank you'."

"Mama, that's a great idea! They are ordering two pies now. I think that we could add in a couple of tarts or some cookies without increasing the shipping costs. Flag that account. The next time the doctor orders, we'll give him a bonus gift." She poured coffee and said, "I'm going to go upstairs and work for a while. One of my clients has overhauled their website and I'm going to test it. This may take several hours. Do you need me for anything?"

Freddie shook her head. Then, almost as an afterthought, she asked, "How do you test a website?"

"First I examine the code to see if there are any obvious errors, which I fix if I find them. Then I try to hack it."

"What does that mean?"

"I try to break into it."

"Why?"

"Because there are bad hackers out there who break into people's websites. Sometimes they are just pranksters who do it to see if they can. Sometimes they're the equivalent of cyber vandals who like to screw up websites. Sometimes they're cyber spies or thieves intent on stealing company secrets or their customer's private information."

"Why do they do it?"

"The pranksters do it because they're jerks. The thieves do it because there is huge money in it."

"How did you get into this business?"

Loretta laughed, "It actually grew out of a project I did at MIT. A programming seminar I took made a project out of helping some local businesses beef up their online security. We didn't charge them because we were students, but we provided very valuable services. All of us ended up getting paying customers out of that deal. Two of us were already supporting ourselves full time doing security work before we even got our undergraduate degree." She winked, "That is why you only had to pay for my first year of college. By my sophomore year, I was earning enough money to support myself and I had a scholarship to pay for my tuition."

Loretta headed for the stairs, but not without noticing the bemused look on her mother's face. A little while later Freddie called up the stairs that Loretta had a visitor, her friend from high school. Loretta, called down the stairs, "Mom, I'm on a conference call with a client that is going to last a while. Ask her to call me later."

When Loretta came downstairs for dinner, Freddie was sitting at the kitchen table, pale and shaking. The minute Loretta walked into the room, she said, "How dare you embarrass me so? You couldn't even come into the room for a visitor?"

Loretta put up both hands in a stop sign, "Hold it, right there, Mama. I was working. I was on the phone with a client who pays me more than $100,000 a year for my professional services. He gets priority attention from me when he needs something. The visitor who stopped by here, unannounced in the middle of a work day and without checking to see if it would be convenient, is the person who was being discourteous. Just because I don't go to an office somewhere doesn't mean I don't work. And when I'm working, I pretend that I am at an office somewhere, and I focus only on my customers for those designated hours unless somebody else has an appointment. So, let's be clear about who was out of line."

"Nobody will understand that."

"Then they'd better try real hard. People who work at factories or other businesses don't stop what they're doing to do personal stuff in the middle of a shift – or they shouldn't. I may work at home, but I'm a highly paid professional with a national reputation, and I provide first class service to my clients. I do not put my clients on hold to attend to personal business, at least not unless it's an absolute emergency. End of discussion."

Loretta went to the garage fridge and came back with a beer.

"Do you need to drink?"

"I spent two hours trying to hack my client's site, then I spent an hour and a half on the phone with him and his IT people discussing technical issues with their online business. It required a lot of concentration, and even more diplomacy because his IT guy is a total idiot. Yes, I need a beer. Would you rather I took it outside?"

Freddie glared at Loretta, but shook her head.

Loretta sighed, "Okay, who stopped by and what's the phone number so I can call back and make nice."

"It was Brenda Conyers. About the reunion." Freddie pushed a notepad across the table, "That's her home number."

Loretta picked up the house land line because she didn't want Brenda to have her cell number. She dialed the number, got a recording and left a message asking Brenda to call her either later in the evening or the next day before 10:00 AM or after 4:00 PM, explaining that she was scheduled to work during those hours. Loretta finished her beer and took the bottle out to the recycling. The phone rang, and Freddie picked it up. She called, "Loretta, it's Brenda."

Loretta picked up the receiver. Freddie didn't move. She made no pretense of not listening to the conversation. Loretta said, "Hello. Yes. Sorry about that but I was on a conference call with my biggest client. He's a bit high maintenance, to put it mildly. What can I do for you?" She paused and listened. She chewed on the inside of her mouth and closed her eyes. After a while she said, "Well, here's the thing Brenda, between my regular job, baking pies to sell to online and helping Mama around the house, I really do not have much spare time at all. Besides, I have barely ever even attended a party (at least not voluntarily) and I've certainly never planned one. I assure you I'd be more trouble than help to you." She listened again for a while, and a look of interest passed over her face. She nodded a couple of times and then said, "Sure. I've never used them, but I know there are a bunch of sites that are all about planning parties. I think Yahoo has an E-vite application that might be just the ticket. I'd be glad to do a little research and help get you set up to use that kind of thing. I don't do decorations or anything like that, but I'd be glad to set you up to do online registration for your guests." She paused again and said, "I don't think so. I'm a bit of a wet blanket, with no social skills. I'll set you up with a secure website for your registrations, but I really don't think you want me to actually show up at the party." She laughed, "Honest. I'm worse than a wallflower. I'm kind of disruptive in social settings. I don't mean to be. I just can't help it. I'll tell you what, give me a day or two to do some research and then we'll get together, and I'll fill you in on what I've come up with. Would you mind stopping by here or do you want me to come to your house? Sure. Why don't you come on Thursday morning. Do you have your invitation list in a spreadsheet? Can you email it to me? I'll show you some options, and then we can have a piece of pie and visit with Mama for a little while. Sounds like a plan. I'll see you Thursday. Would nine or nine thirty work? Great. I'll see you then."

She whirled around to face her mother, "Are you satisfied?"

"Thank you, dear."

Loretta shrugged with what she hoped was a devious look, "There's method in my madness."

"What would that be?"

"I'm hoping that Brenda Thacker Conyers hasn't changed her stripes since high school. She was the biggest gossip and busy-body in the school. Anything anybody told her might as well have been put on the radio. In fact," Loretta laughed, "the head of the student council didn't like to make announcements on the PA system, so when she wanted to get word out about something she'd just tell Brenda.

"Anyway, I invited her over so I can show her my office. I want to demonstrate that I do actually have a job and that I wasn't just blowing her off. I want her to see my operation so she can spread the word that I own a real business, and that's it's a real job like any other job, and that I am not just sitting around the house all day doing nothing. At the same time, I agreed to help her to setup online registration for the reunion. No charge. That's a bonus throw-in for your benefit, Mama."

Freddie said, "Thank you."

They ate chili and cornbread for dinner. When they had finished the dishes, Freddie asked, "Loretta, if you help me, I think I could make it up to the attic. I'd like to see your office myself. I know you had a lot of equipment delivered, but I haven't seen it since you set it up."

"Mama, I'm scared to try to take you up the attic stairs. You're taller and heavier than me. If you start to fall, I don't think I can stop you." She grinned and raised her eyebrows, "But, I have an idea! Sit down at the table."

Loretta fired up the laptop that made its home on the kitchen table and logged on. Her fingers danced across the keys and then she turned the laptop around to face her mother. The screen showed what looked like a TV with a blank screen. Loretta said, "Wait here and watch. It'll take me a few minutes to get set up." She clomped up the stairs to the attic, where she logged on to her main computer and flicked on a video camera that was already plugged into a USB hub and sitting on a stand.

Loretta said, "Mama can you hear me? The microphone is on, all you have to do is talk normally."

"I can hear you. What are you doing?"

"Watch." Loretta picked up the camera and panned it around the room. There were three laptops on the table with six large monitors arranged in a grid, three on the table and the other three mounted on brackets attached to the wall. A combination printer/scanner/fax sat at the end of the table, with a server. Loretta sat down at the desk chair and hung the camera back on its stand, pointing at her face. "Welcome to my office, Mama. I use this camera setup to do video conferencing. It saves me a lot of time and travel expense to have online meetings with my clients instead of visiting their offices."

Freddie asked softly, "Can you see me?"

"Yep. There's a web cam mounted at the top of the monitor on the laptop you're using and a microphone at the bottom by the mouse pad. I can see and hear you just as clear as if you were in the room. Is the picture of me clear?"

"Amazingly clear."

"It's high def. The sound should be good as well. Is it?"

"Yes."

"I can't give you a hug, but I can see you and talk to you any time from anywhere."

"I would like for you to come back downstairs now, please."

Loretta turned off the camera and the computer upstairs and ran down the stairs. She walked into the kitchen grinning, "Isn't that the coolest thing you've ever seen?"

Freddie looked at her with an astonished expression and said, "On the contrary, I found it positively creepy. You could use something like that to spy on people."

"Yeah, it's good for surveillance. In a lot of places they are now using cameras to catch people running red lights. They mount the camera on the top of the traffic light and it takes pictures of people running the light. No cops needed. They mail you the ticket. But, I mainly use it for video conferencing for work and, occasionally online bull crapping with my friends. I've had as many as twenty people hooked up to one video conference. It's pandemonium to get that many people online at one time. The confusion was made worse in the case of my large video conference because we were celebrating a guy's birthday and we were all drunk and talking simultaneously. But then, I've been at in-person meetings that devolved into chaos, too, when everybody was sober.

"Anyway, it's not everybody's cup of tea, but I don't like to travel and it's very useful to avoid having to go to in-person meetings."

"Why don't you like in-person meetings with real people?"

"First of all, I don't like to travel since 9-11. The hassle and inconvenience of traveling drive me nuts. I make a lot of money, but I'm very frugal and I don't like to spend so much money on something that's so annoying. I also do not like to eat out in restaurants, especially not fancy restaurants where the food is over-priced and the waiters are pompous and condescending. Usually in-person meetings involve evening events such as cocktail parties and dinners in restaurants. Those are always challenging to me. For one thing, you know how I dress. I buy suits to wear when I have to, but I hate wearing them. For another thing, I never drink alcohol in the presence of a client, and they make me crazy trying to convince me to have 'just one little drink'. Finally, as you are only too well aware, I have poor social skills, and no patience whatsoever for making small talk. I'll talk about my client's computer code for hours, with passionate engagement, but I don't give a damn about his kid's soccer league or his wife's community involvements. Worst of all, a couple of my clients always like to have me stay at their homes. They have these palatial estates where I get lost on the way to the bathroom. I don't want to sit around and watch TV with the family after dinner. It's all too challenging for me. Video conferencing is emotionally safer, and more economical for both me and my clients."

"Do you ever enjoy doing things with real live people?"

"I love cooking with you. When I lived in California a bunch of us used to go to the beach occasionally. I worked with some people in the neighborhood cooperative garden. Sometimes I'd go with friends to San Francisco to see plays. I really like live theater. A couple of people in the group like to dine out, but most of the rest of the were as allergic as I am to fine dining. We'd split up and my group would sample street fare while the other group would dine in some fancy place. We'd end up either in somebody's room at the hotel or in a cheap bar someplace and talk until the bar closed or the sun came up. I hung out with a similar group in Boston. Our thing there was Chinese take-out and beer. We'd solve all the problems of the world sitting around on the floor of somebody's apartment."

Freddie folded her hands in front of her. "I don't mean to be nosy, but have you ever had a boyfriend?"

Loretta sighed. "I dated some guys when I was in college. One was actually one of my professors which had the added excitement of being forbidden pleasure. Mostly he and I talked about computers, though, so I'm not sure he really counts as an actual boyfriend. In recent years, I've occasionally gone on dates with my clients or their employees. Again, we usually end up talking business. But, no, I've never had a real boyfriend. You see, Mama, I'm one of only a handful of women in my profession. It is very common for me to be the only woman in the room. I've always had to be one of the guys. And where guys are concerned, once a women joins the Guy Club as an official member, she is officially no longer date-worthy."

"What about girlfriends. You know the kind of BFF that Mona and I were."

Loretta threaded her fingers together and squeezed them until there was no blood in them. "Yes, I did have a sister-friend, BFF, soul-mate. We met when I was in graduate school. I was working on a Masters at Harvard, and she was finishing up a Ph. D. in mechanical engineering at MIT. She already had a degree as an architect. She wanted to build safer factories and off shore oil rigs. We both lived in an almost all male world. She was also one of those geniuses who was so smart it was downright scary. I seriously mean she was so brilliant, she was almost crazy. She couldn't work a gas pump, but she could figure out how to build almost anything out of derned near any material. She was gorgeous, too. But, she dated even less frequently than I did. She intimidated men. She got a degree in architecture from Harvard with almost totally perfect grades. She then went to MIT for a post-doctorate in engineering, and repeated the accomplishment. Hell, she intimidated world-renowned experts in their fields. Anyway, we roomed together for a while, but she couldn't stand my slovenly ways and I couldn't stand the smell of the god-awful perfume she wore, so we took apartments across the hall from one another."

Freddie watched her daughter wringing her hands in an almost painful way. She laid her hands over her daughter's hands. "What happened to her?"

Loretta laid her head on her mothers hands and whispered, "She was raped and beaten to death by the guy who came in second to her in the MIT engineering program. He told police he did it as a way to send a message to the uppity bitches who were occupying space in schools of higher education that should be occupied by men."

Freddie leaned forward and kissed the top of her daughter's head and breathed, "I am so very sorry, dear. Why did you never tell me about that?"

Loretta looked at her mother with tears in her eyes and said, "For one thing, it was hard to talk about."

"And for the other?"

Loretta looked at her mother as if offering her the opportunity to withdraw the question. She continued, "The real reason I never told you was because the bastard who killed Karina broke into my apartment and came after me when he was finished with her."

Her mother's eyes filled with horror. Loretta shook her head and said, "He didn't hurt me. I shot him. I didn't kill him, but I dropped him, and then I called the police."

"When did you start carrying a gun?"

"After the first time I got mugged on my way home from the library late at night."

"It never occurred to me that the the Harvard/MIT community was so violent."

"It's only occasionally violent, but it is very misogynistic. Women are tolerated in the upper echelons of academia, and (possibly) business, if they stay within certain boundaries. Women who routinely best the men in predominantly male arenas are asking for trouble. Karina and I did that with regularity. We had targets on our backs."

"Is that why you moved to California."

"Yes. I couldn't live in Boston any more. I loved the academic environment at MIT and Harvard, but I hated Boston. It became intolerable after Karina died. I curled up in my room in a fetal position for a couple of days when somebody else moved into her apartment. That was when I decided to head for Silicon Valley. I had the impression that regular geeks were a little more tolerant of excellence in the few women who chose to join their profession than the academics in Boston. My experience has borne that out. A lot of the Alpha-geeks tend to be kind of androgynous if not completely a-sexual. I always felt safe among them. Utterly de-feminized, but safe."

Freddie stood up and walked around the table, leaning over to hug Loretta who still sat with her head on her hands. "Thank you for talking to me about this. I think I understand a little better now."

"Then, I wish you'd explain it to me. You know, Mom, all of that business with Karina and the hazing rituals at MIT and Harvard is a side-show. It's not the point of where this conversation started or where it needs to end. What you really want to know is why I am so different from you and the people who live here, and why I can't do anything to change in order to fit in better. The answer to that doesn't have anything to do with my lack of dating or with Karina's death. It goes back a lot farther than that. It goes back to me being the smartest kid in school and having a rampant curiosity. From the time I was in kindergarten, I had no patience for whining or bullshit or time-wasting. There was a huge world of books and things to learn, and I wanted to read and understand it all.

"You want to know what's funny? Despite what people think, I'm not competitive at all. At least not with anyone other than myself. I always try to best my own previous peak performance, but I have never competed with others. I was number one in every class I ever took, but I didn't even know that until recently. Somebody did a profile on me in an online IT magazine. The reporter looked up my grades. From kindergarten through my unfinished Master's at Harvard, I never got so much as a B. The people at MIT were mystified because I never picked up my grades in any subject and never showed up for graduation. That just wasn't important to me. I went to school to learn stuff. Grades meant nothing to me."

"How come you didn't finish the Masters at Harvard and why is this the first I'm hearing about it?"

"Harvard had this prof who was just a freaking amazing genius. I wanted to take his classes, so applied for the Masters in Information Technology, which is a six class program with a thesis requirement. Dr. Andrews taught three of the classes. I took all three of his classes and then dropped the program."

"Why?"

"Same reason Bill Gates dropped out of Harvard: I didn't need the degree to make plenty of money at what I do best. (Granted, I have not made money at BG's level, so maybe I miscalculated.)

"The second reason was that the profs who taught the other classes were idiots."

Freddie said, "Okay, let me understand what you're saying. You're saying that you basically hold yourself apart from, and (if you are honest) above people who you don' t think are as smart as you. And you have no patience for those poor unfortunates who don't operate at your level. Is that correct?"

"If you want me to be brutally honest, I suppose that about sums it up."

"Then the people around here who always thought you were somebody who was too big for her britches have a point. Would you agree?"

"Guilty."

"Do you understand why I've spent my whole life trying to break you of that insufferable arrogance?"

"Yes."

"But you are never going to cooperate, are you?"

"No. Because your reason for always wanting to make me fit in and be one of the folks was because you wanted me to be happy. You didn't want me to be ostracized the way I was in this community. You wanted me to go along to get along, so I would be happy. The small twist that you never understood was that I am happy. I've always been happy. The things that make you happy, like marriage, family, home and community are all optional for me. The thing that makes me happy is work. I love learning new skills and pushing myself to constantly try to improve on them daily. They don't have to be great things. I can write killer code, and I'm very proud of that. I'm almost equally proud of that kick-ass pecan pie recipe I invented. It doesn't matter what I'm doing. I just like doing it really well. Not for the purpose of being better than others, but to be the very best I can be at everything I try to do. That is the most important thing in the world for me."

Loretta stood up and hugged her mother, adding, "There is one other thing I want you to think about before we end this conversation, which we must do because you need to take your medicine and get some rest and I'm tired of talking. The thing I want you to think about is that, while I may be arrogant and too big for my britches in some respects, I am not a bad person. I've never lied or cheated or stolen anything. I've never intentionally hurt someone's feelings or succeeded at the expense of someone else. I give my customers good value for the services I provide to them. I am honest, faithful and true to my friends.

"You're right that, in a culture where it is important for people to fit in and not stand out, I am an outcast. Someday remind me to tell you about my experience doing consulting work in Japan for a few months! Oh my God, was that a nightmare!

"Anyway, I don't fit in with the culture here. I never did. But that makes me neither unhappy nor a bad person. It just makes me different. Quite honestly I think that what is perceived around here as my arrogance and uppity-ways could equally be interpreted as self-confidence and ambition. Perhaps I'm rationalizing a bit. I would be very grateful if you would think about that. Perhaps we can discuss it again sometime when we're both ready."

"I will think about it. I thank you very much for finally agreeing to have this conversation with me. It has truly been enlightening."

Loretta dumped her mother's bedtime pills into her hand and poured a glass of juice. Freddie took the pills and, using her walker, slowly made her way towards her bedroom.

Loretta put her head down on the table and cried silently for a very long time.

## Chapter 6

Two days later, Freddie looked up from the laptop and said, "Dr. Shepherd ordered three pies this month."

Loretta looked up from crimping the crust on an apple pie and asked, "Who?"

"Dr. Jackson Shepherd, the doctor from Asheville that we talked about a while back. You were going to give him a bonus with his next order."

"What do you think we should throw in? Cookies? Tarts?"

"The delivery goes to an emergency room. Let's send cookies."

"I'll make small, bite-sized cookies that people can grab and pop in their mouths quickly."

Loretta filled the pie order and mixed up a small batch of miniature snickerdoodles, which she tucked into the top of the box. She added a handwritten note on Russell Inn stationary:

Dear Dr. Shepherd,

In appreciation for your business over the past few months, we are adding a bonus package of cookies. This is our way of saying 'thank you'.

Sincerely,

Loretta Russell for "Miss Loretta's Pies"

Two days later, Freddie was reviewing online orders and said, "We have an email from Dr. Shepherd. He says he really loves your pies and cookies. He's curious about the Russell Inn and wants to know more about it."

Loretta didn't look up from a peanut butter pie she was decorating. "Send him a link to your website."

"I don't have a website for the Inn."

"What?"

"There is no website for the Inn."

Loretta laughed. "Okay. Then we'll add a page to the _Miss Loretta's Pies_ website to feature the Russell Inn."

"How do you propose to do that?"

Loretta put the finishing touches on her peanut butter pie, and put it in the freezer. Then she ran up the stairs to the attic, two at a time, and retrieved her camera. She stopped on the second floor and took pictures of all four guest rooms. Then she came down to the first floor and took pictures of the living room, sitting room and dining room. After that she went outside and took pictures of the house, its gardens and porches from several angles. She came into the kitchen and said, "Mama, go comb your hair and put on some lipstick. I want to take your picture sitting on the porch drinking tea, welcoming your guests to the Inn."

She took several pictures of her mother on the porch. After a while Freddie said, "Shouldn't we take your picture, too? You're Miss Loretta."

"Nah. I hate to have my picture taken, besides. I don't fit the image of a big-haired Southern gal with a passion for pie. You look more like the Southern Mother who lives in the kitchen. You can be the face of both the Russell Inn and Miss Loretta's Pies."

She plugged the camera into the computer and logged into the _Miss Loretta's Pies_ website. In under an hour, she had added a page featuring the "Picturesque Russell Inn, nestled in the beautiful Smokey Mountains, and ready to welcome you for a few days of Southern-style relaxation, with your hostess Mrs. Freddie Russell." A slide show scrolled across the top of the page. Rates and reservation information were provided at the bottom, with a hyperlink to a dedicated email address Loretta set up for the purpose of providing additional information about the Inn. She set up the email account to automatically forward messages to the _Miss Loretta's_ email address, so Freddie would not have to check two accounts. Loretta raised her hands and leaned back like a calf roper, and said, "Okay, now send him a link to that page."

Freddie was gazing at the page in something like wonderment. She shook her head and pushed the computer toward Loretta, "You do it. I don't know how to do that."

"I'll talk you through it, Mama." Freddie opened an email and wrote a brief note of appreciation for Dr. Shepherd's interest in the Inn. She mentioned that Miss Loretta's pies were featured desserts at every meal. With Loretta's help, she inserted the hyperlink to the page for the Inn and sent the message. She sat back and grinned at Loretta. "Who knows, maybe we'll get some customers for the Inn out of this!"

Loretta made a face. "I hope not too many. I'm busy all day every day as it is right now, and you're not back up to full speed. Let's take things one step at a time."

On Thursday, Brenda Conyers dutifully showed up for her meeting with Loretta. In the meantime, Loretta had done some research and picked a free on-line party planning site. She'd uploaded the email addresses for the invitees, and set up the check lists for tasks to be accomplished and the time-table for accomplishing them. Brenda was blown away by the work Loretta had done, and by Loretta's computer array. Brenda laughed and said if she told her seventeen year old son about Loretta's computers, he'd break into the Inn and move into Loretta's room.

Loretta said, a lot more pleasantly than she felt, "That is one reason I rarely give people an invitation to my office. It's just too tempting to the techie types."

Brenda sighed and said, "Fortunately for you, I'm not one of those. My son is, and, even though he doesn't know it yet, he's going to be doing all the online work for planning this party. Are you sure you don't want to do it?"

Loretta said, "Brenda, IT consulting is my profession. If I were to manage this project for you, I'd have to charge you. And, trust me, you don't want to incur that kind of cost! I'd be glad to provide advice and help from behind the scenes if you or your son need it. No charge for that."

"Thanks, Loretta. I can't believe you run an entire company from your bedroom."

Loretta laughed, "This is the nicest place I've ever set up. When I started out in Boston, I was working off of a beat up desk in a studio apartment in a crummy a graduate student housing building. Half the time I slept on the floor under the desk because I was too tired to move the furniture around to open up the fold out bed. When I moved to California, I had the luxury of two rooms. A big room where I set up my business and a tiny bedroom and bathroom in the back. These days, I'm thinking about using one of the bedrooms on the second floor to sleep in, and totally devote this room to my business. I've never had the luxury of having that kind of separation between my business and my personal life. I'm not sure how I'll handle it. I'm quite sure I could not handle a job where I had to get up, get dressed and drive somewhere to work."

She laughed and stood up, "Would you like a piece of pie and some coffee?"

Brenda said she'd heard that Loretta's pies were to die for, and she accepted. Freddie joined Loretta and Brenda in the breakfast nook where Freddie and Brenda exchanged local gossip, and Loretta tried not to scream. Brenda ate a piece of pie and declared it the best she'd ever tasted. She offered to buy one for her family for dinner that night. Loretta gave her the rest of the pie she'd just cut. After finishing the coffee, and with hugs and air kisses all around, Brenda left.

Freddie said, "I think you earned some more bonus points. You did very well. I'm proud of you."

"Thanks. That means a lot. It really does."

Freddie asked, "Are you going to the reunion?"

Loretta pretended to glare at her mother, "Don't push me, Mama."

They both laughed. Loretta thought it was more out of politeness than real amusement.

A few days later, the house phone rang while Freddie was taking her nap. Loretta picked up the phone with a towel because she was kneading bread dough and her hands were messy. "Russell Inn. Good afternoon. This is Loretta."

A man's voice said, "Are you Miss Loretta, the pie lady?"

"One and the same. How may I help you?"

"The is Jackson Shepherd. I've ordered pies from you. Actually I was wondering if you had any vacancies this weekend. I have the whole weekend off for the first time in months and I want to get out of town, so they don't call me into work."

She paused, "Well, technically, we're not taking reservations right now because my mother is recovering from surgery and we're really not ready for too many guests. How many would there be in your party?"

"Just me. I don't want to intrude if you are not up to guests. But, believe me, you will not have to wait on me. I plan to bring my hiking boots because it appears you have some wonderful trails nearby. I also plan to bring a bunch of books because that front porch was made for reading. Give me access to a refrigerator with a pitcher of tea and a plate of cold cuts, and I'll be good for the weekend."

Loretta laughed out loud, "Actually, it might be worth opening up for a low-maintenance guest like that. It'd be an interesting change. From visits in the past, it seems that most people who like to stay in bed and breakfasts want to be pampered from morning till night, until mainly you want to strangle them instead of pour them another glass of wine. I don't know how Mama does it!" She started to go ahead and take the reservation, but hesitated. "Mama's taking a nap right now. I think it should be her call as to whether or not she feels ready for a guest. Would you mind giving me your phone number and I'll have her call you when she wakes up?"

"Not at all. And, believe me, I'll understand if she decides not to take the reservation now. If that happens, I wonder if y'all might be able to suggest another place somewhere on this side of Knoxville that might be a good weekend retreat for a hiking addict." He gave her the phone number.

She repeated it back and said, "I'll have Mama call you. I have a feeling she'll invite you to come for a visit. I think she misses having guests. I'm way too boring for her. If she declines, I'm sure we can suggest a couple of places that would serve."

"Thanks. I'll look forward to hearing from your mother. I'm on duty today, so I may not be able to answer my cell phone. Have her leave a yes or no message. If she says yes, I'll call back later to make the arrangements."

"Certainly. Thank you for calling, Dr. Shepherd."

"It's Jackson."

"Yes, sir."

When Freddie got up from her nap, they discussed the prospect of having a guest. Loretta was afraid it might be too much for Freddie. Freddie – who preferred having a houseful of people at all times (which was why she opened her home as an Inn after her husband's death) – was eager to start having visitors again. She called Dr. Shepherd and he answered on the first ring. She told him the Russell Inn would be open and ready for him whenever he chose to arrive over the weekend. He told her he'd like to arrive midday on Friday and check out on Sunday. She said, "That will be fine. On Sunday we serve a Southern Style Sunday Supper at 4:30 PM. Do you think you would be interested in staying for supper?"

He told her he'd love to have supper if she didn't mind him eating and running immediately. He said he'd want to be close to Asheville by dark because, "I'm a flat-lander and I'm a little freaked out by driving in the mountains at night."

Freddie said, "That's wise if you don't know the roads. We'll see you on Friday. The weather forecast is very good for the weekend. You should be able to get in lots of walking."

"I hope so. I'll see you on Friday." He paused, "I wonder if it would be too much of an imposition to make a request."

"Certainly, with enough notice we can accommodate most special requests."

"Does Miss Loretta happen to make some variation of peanut butter pie?"

Freddie laughed and said, "Dr. Shepherd, all of Loretta's pies are good. As you know her pecan pie is the best ever. Anywhere. But, she recently took my two favorite peanut butter pie recipes and combined them in a new way. It is to die for. I'll ask her if she'd make one you can start eating as a snack on Friday. I'm betting that between you and me, it'll be gone before Sunday Supper."

"That good, huh?"

"Yes, sir."

"I'll come hungry."

Loretta laughed. "Geez, Mama. You should have been a sales person."

"I was telling the truth. He wants a peanut butter pie."

"If all he wants is lunch meat sandwiches and peanut butter pie, I think we can handle it."

"He's staying for supper on Sunday, but leaving immediately after so he can get out of the mountains before dark. He says he's a flat-lander."

"Where do you think he's from?"

"By his accent, I'd say South Carolina Low Country."

"You want to make fish stew?"

"No. If he's really from eastern South Carolina, he'll want fish stew the way his mama made it, and I'm not his mama."

Loretta winked at her mother, and said, "Bet you wish you were, what with him being a doctor and all."

Freddie looked at her daughter through narrowed eyes and said, "The main bragging point for mothers of doctors and lawyers that I know seems to be that their kids make a lot of money. I have the feeling that you may make as much as a doctor or a lawyer ... or at least you did before you cut back to part time."

Loretta said, "I do okay, but being a geek is not nearly as cool for parents to brag about as a doctor or lawyer."

"What do you tell people when they ask what you do for a living?"

"Generally, I tell them I'm self employed and do not elaborate unless I think they might have some nerdy tendencies."

"In that case what do you tell them?"

"I tell them I'm a free-lance Internet security consultant."

"Do they know what that means?"

"If they're nerdy enough."

"You're kind of proud of being a nerd, aren't you?"

"Yes, as a matter of fact I am. You look at the people who were the cheerleaders and football players in high school and then you look at the ones who were nerds. The kids who were out shooting off rockets on the football field and playing chess are doctors. The kids who were on the newspaper, thespian club and/or yearbook are lawyers. The math brains and the Goths who were skulking around trying to disappear are geeks."

"I thought 'geek' was an insulting term."

"Well, it started out that way, but – like the Suffragettes in the early twentieth century – we have adopted the term as descriptive and not pejorative. There is even a hierarchy of geekdom. I have to admit I don't know all the nuances of it because it's a guy thing and they don't always let girl geeks in on the inner secrets, but there is a pecking order."

"What does one aspire to in this geeky hierarchy?"

"Why, it should be obvious. You aspire to be like the Supreme Alpha-Geek himself."

"And who would that be?"

"Think, Mom! His name's Gates."

Freddie laughed. Loretta had the sense that her mother had given a lot of thought to their earlier conversation. She felt an entirely new vibe: A pleasant sense of camaraderie she had never experienced from her mother before. It was a wonderful feeling.

Loretta winked, "Actually, he's more of the Great Geek God Emeritus, especially now that he's retired. I have posited the idea that unless one is actively employed and making a living as a Geek they should put down the title. I was overruled however by people who said that when hundreds of thousands of people are making a living because of what you did, you get to keep the title forever."

"Who do you have these conversations with? You never talk on the phone? And you never have company."

"Mama! No one talks on the phone any more except, well, old people." She threw up her hands and made a face. "I chat on line and IM – that's instant messaging – and text message with just dozens of people all over the world, every day."

Freddie looked skeptical and said, "I don't know if that counts..."

Loretta put up her hand and said, "Let's save that conversation for another day. We've achieved some kind of new zone here and I don't want to screw it up, if you don't mind."

Freddie nodded and said, "Okay."

Loretta went back to spreading whipped cream on the top of her peanut butter pie, and asked, "What room do you want me to make up for Dr. Shepherd?"

"He's an emergency room doctor who's trying to get away for a quiet weekend. Let's give him the mini-suite at the end of the hall. It has the best view of the mountains and it has its own bathroom."

Loretta nodded, turning the pie smoothly to spread the topping evenly. She turned the pie once more and made long smooth swirls beginning at the edge and all meeting in a graceful series of peaks in the middle. It looked like a totally professional job.

Freddie smiled. "Did you ever bake a pie before you came back this year?"

"No, ma'am."

"How in the world did you get so good at it so quickly? I've baked pies my whole life and yours are already as good as mine, and they actually look better."

"Your crust is still better than mine, but I'm working on it."

"You amaze me. How do you do it?"

"Focus and concentration, I guess. You know I always did throw myself into anything I undertook with complete abandon. For the last twenty years or so, I've devoted myself about eighteen hours of every day to working on my computer. I have been surprised to discover that I like doing something creative with my hands instead of just my brain. It's a kind of sensuous experience. I get my hands messy. It smells good. It tastes good. I like the idea of giving people enjoyment instead of just blowing their minds with my brilliance and then sending them a big bill. I'm having a blast with this pie thing."

Freddie looked confused.

Loretta changed the subject. "Mama, I'm going to the store on Thursday. Why don't you sit down and make out our menu and shopping list while I clean up here." She opened the fridge, "How does vegetable soup with cornbread and red beans sound?"

Freddie made a face, "Where in the sam hill did you learn to eat so healthy?"

"I picked it up around. Most of the students I knew in school lived on pizza, ramen noodles and junk food. Most of the geeks I knew then and now subsist on a steady diet of caffeine and junk food, with occasional take-out Szechuan or Thai. I ate that way, too, for the first year or two at MIT. But then my skin started getting bad and my hair looked awful. I took a course in the science of nutrition for an elective, and it changed my life. If I wasn't so in love with computers, I'd have changed my major and become an dietician, I think. Add that to the reasons I like cooking. It's like doing science experiments that you can eat."

Her mother commented, "You certainly are in great shape. I was wondering. I know that the Sunday Supper will stay Southern fried as long as the arteries of my neighbors hold out, but some of my weekend guests have asked for lighter food to be added, not instead of the rich stuff I serve but as an alternative. Do you think you could modify some of my recipes so they're not so fattening?"

Loretta grinned like it was snow day. "Absolutely. I've actually been experimenting with that on my own. When I was in California, I ate an almost exclusively Asian diet. There was an Asian market on the corner and the lady who owned it thought I was poor, on account of I dressed like a homeless person. She used to give me over-ripe vegetables and share recipes and Asian cooking techniques. It was a very healthy diet. You can almost feel your arteries pumping happily. Since I've been here I've started trying to make some of our old Southern favorites a little lighter to suit my new taste. There are a bunch of Southern cooks online who are doing Southern gourmet and Southern fusion. I'll dig around and see what I come up with. Will you be my guinea pig?"

"Yes. If you can please me with diet food, you'll have a winner on your hands."

"It's not diet food, Mama. It's a healthy twist on tradition."

"If you say so. Maybe you should start with this weekend. I bet that doctor eats healthy."

"I bet that doctor eats nothing but crap, given the schedule in a hospital emergency room. I don't want to try any experimental recipes on a guest, but I have already worked out a couple of recipes that are pretty good. He wants it simple. Let's have Senate bean soup and brown bread for supper on Friday. He can start on the peanut butter pie. Saturday breakfast can be continental on the buffet. Lunch will be cold cuts and salad in the fridge; he can eat when he's hungry. Saturday evening, lets do a turkey breast with some kind of sweat potato casserole, a cranberry relish and an arugula and endive salad. I'll make a small peach cobbler in case he wants something other than pie. Sunday, do you usually do a big breakfast?"

"Not when I'm cooking a big dinner so early. Usually on Sundays I make home-made donuts."

Loretta closed her eyes and folded her hands. "I've never made donuts, but I want to learn."

"I'll teach you."

Loretta said, "Sunday lunch can be leftover soup and sandwiches whenever. Do you have the menu worked out for supper?"

"Yes."

"How did I do?"

"Very well, but you need to have at least one alternative main choice for Friday. Offer Senate bean soup with ham or a vegetable soup or tomato basil soup. When I first started the inn I embarrassed myself by not offering meatless entrees on a Friday, My guests, who were Catholic, had to just eat the side dishes."

"Oh, my. Good point. What other critiques?"

"I like the turkey, idea, but let's cook a whole turkey, then we can have soup and other leftovers during the week. I've never bought just a turkey breast."

Loretta put her arm around her mother's shoulders. "OK, go ahead and turn me into a regular home economist. You finally have my attention, after all these years."

Freddie raised her arms in the air and said, "Praise the Lord!" Then she winked at Loretta.

Loretta was busy cleaning, shopping and cooking for the next couple of days. In the middle of all that, she had an issue with one of her clients that took several hours to resolve. She got behind in her pie-baking and had to stay up about half of Thursday night.

Friday morning Freddie came out of her room, poured a cup of coffee and sat down at the table. "Did you get any sleep, Honey?"

Loretta nodded. "Yeah, I slept for a few hours. Then I went for a walk. I'm good for the day, now. I actually don't require a lot of sleep."

Freddie stirred her coffee and said, "I've been thinking. You've been doing virtually everything around here. I'm getting better. Slowly. I don't think I'll ever be able to run up and down the stairs like I used to. But, I can still cook. Maybe we could get a comfy bar stool to put by the butcher block so I can sit when I get tired. You know my pie crust is every bit as good as yours...."

"Oh, baloney, Mama. You make the best pie crust in the world. Your crust and my fillings. It's a match made in heaven."

"That's what I'm thinking. Let me help. I'll make the crusts and maybe some days if you're busy, if you'll give me the recipes, I'll even make the whole pies."

"Maybe we should change the name to something like Delicacies from the Russell Inn Kitchen?"

Freddie shook her head. "I like 'Miss Loretta's Pies'. I'm sure there was always more than one person behind Betty Crocker."

"Was there ever a real Betty Crocker?"

"I doubt it. Anyway, let me help with the pies and cookies to free you up for your regular work and your walking time. I don't want you to go back to working absolutely all the time and doing nothing else."

"Why not? I'm kind of a workaholic. In case you haven't noticed, I've filled up all the free time I had from cutting back on work to running my baking operation and this week I appear to have launched a coup against your supremacy at the Inn. Don't let me do that to you, Mama!"

"That's where I'm going with this. I'm going to take back some of the jobs I can do. Pie crust for starters. Doing the lion's share of the Sunday Supper. When my regular guests come, I'll set the menu and supervise the cooking."

"Fair enough."

"We'll be partners."

"That sounds like fun. You can teach me the economics of running an inn. I can show you the chemistry of altering recipes in important ways that don't affect the taste. We'll have such fun!" She looked at the clock. "We'd better start right now, or we won't have supper ready for Dr. Shepherd. Would you mind chopping the ham and the onions while I punch down the bread."

"Are the beans soaking?"

"Yes. Actually they're already in the pot ready for the other ingredients and the heat. I've already rinsed them."

"What did you decide for your alternative soup?"

"We have about a quart of that vegetable soup I made the other day. It's better now than the day I made it. If anybody wants it we'll have that. If nobody wants it, I'm going to put it in the freezer for another time. I'd like to stock up on pre-made soups and desserts so we'll always have something ready to go if we need it."

"Good idea."

They put the bean soup on to simmer. Freddie worked on the crusts for the pies that UPS would pick up later in the afternoon, while Loretta did some last minute cleaning in the mini-suite. She added a bowl of trail mix with some plastic bags, a basket of energy bars and a champagne bucket filled with water bottles on ice.

Freddie said, "I usually have cut flowers, but that is a really good idea for a man who's already told us he wants to hike."

Loretta said, "Cut flowers make me sad. They're pretty, but they're dead. I like live plants or stuff like this that is cheerful and useful." She looked around, "What am I forgetting, Mama?"

"I usually have music playing in the front room."

"What kind of music?"

"I have found that standards seem to be the most popular. Personally, I like light classical, but that doesn't go over as well as Frank Sinatra and what have you."

"Dr. Shepherd sounds kind of young. You think he'd maybe like some very easy jazz?"

"That might be good."

Loretta popped a CD in the changer and took one last look around the room. Loretta chuckled.

Freddie asked, "What's so funny?"

"Our timing is perfect. I'm going to put that brown bread in the oven now. In about half an hour – which is about when Dr. Shepherd should be arriving – this place is going to smell divine."

"Other than bacon – which smells better than any other food – I think the smell of molasses bread is the best."

Loretta said, "I agree about the bacon. For me plain old white bread comes second, but snickerdoodles are right up there, too."

Freddie asked, "Aren't you going to change your clothes?"

"I wasn't planning to. I've got pies and cookies to make. I don't see the need to change."

"Have you ever heard of wearing an apron instead of wiping your hands on your pants?"

She tried to make it sound light, but Loretta knew she was serious. They were running a business, and Loretta couldn't very well greet guests in her ragged, too-big sweatpants that were smeared with everything she'd cooked in the last several days. Loretta looked down at herself and said, "I guess I do need to clean up my act when we have guests. I'm tired of wearing my high school clothes."

"Which make you look like a scarecrow!"

"Okay, you've made your point."

"Do you want to go shopping tomorrow morning at in town?"

"No! I ordered some clothes online a while ago. I just haven't worn them yet. They're basic pants and tee shirts."

Freddie laughed, "I guess that will have to do. Would you be willing to use an apron or at least hang a towel from your pocket?"

"You still have any of those smock aprons that Granny used to wear?"

"There are probably a lot of them in the other end of the attic. Why?"

"Well, I don't like those frilly little aprons you wear, but I did always think Granny's aprons with the big old pockets that were always filled with interesting stuff were kind of cool. I think something like that might actually suit me. What do you think?"

"You may be right. I think there are a few of them in the back of the pantry. I use those aprons at Christmas time when I'm doing heavy-duty cookie baking."

Loretta came out of the closet with a paisley apron in her hand. "I love paisley!" She ran upstairs to change, leaving her mother standing in the kitchen shaking her head. Loretta was back in a flash. She stood in the doorway to the living room wearing clean, naturally faded jeans and a white shirt under her paisley apron. "How do I look?"

Freddie smiled, "You look like someone who can cook!"

"And you look like someone excited about having company."

"I am. I don't get a lot of guests, and most of my guests in recent years have been either repeat customers or referrals from repeat customer's. Most of them are hikers or birdwatchers. There's some birdwatching club in Virginia that somehow got onto staying here. This doctor is the first brand new customer out of the blue I've ever had. I'm nervous and excited."

Loretta said, "I'm going in the kitchen to work on today's batch of pies. No use overwhelming him at the door. You're the hostess. You welcome him and give him the orientation. Let me know when it's time to show him to his room, and I'll take him upstairs."

About that time the doorbell rang, and Freddie made her way to answer it. Loretta noticed Freddie left her walker in the kitchen and went to the door using only a cane. Her progress was slow, but she was getting better. Loretta wondered if maybe she had been coddling her mother too much. Maybe she should encourage Freddie to move around more and put weight on her leg.

She heard Freddie and a man talking in the other room, but focused on the task of arranging a layer of whole, beautiful pecans on top of a pie. Just by way of gilding the lily, she drizzled melted dark chocolate over the top in a random but attractive design. Lost in her work, she did not hear Freddie and the guest come into the kitchen. She was startled when he laughed and said, "So this is the famous Miss Loretta, and appropriately she's making the pecan pie that we fight over in the ER. We actually raffle off the last piece!"

She turned and held out her hand, saying, "This one's headed for Mississippi where I hear they know a few things about pecan pie. I'll make you one of your own to take back to the hospital with you."

He looked a little embarrassed, and then asked, "Would you mind if I took your picture? The day nurses want to know what you look like."

Loretta started to refuse. She hated to have her picture taken, but she saw her mother glaring at her from behind the doctor, so she smiled and said, "Sure. Why not? If it turns out good, maybe I can use it on my website. You want me to dust some flour on my face like that commercial on TV?"

He laughed out loud, "Actually, you have a little smear of chocolate on your cheek already. Do you want to wipe it off, or can I document the Real Miss Loretta?"

She threw back her head and laughed, "The real Miss Loretta is a horrible pig whose mother shamed her into cleaning up this much. If all I've got is a schmutz of chocolate on my face, I figure that's as good as I'm ever going to get. Go for it, before I suddenly get dirty like that character in the Charlie Brown cartoon."

He took the picture, then he picked up a towel from the table, wiped the chocolate off her cheek, and fiddled with his camera for a minute. She made a face and said, "Sometime today, okay?"

He snapped the picture just as she flashed him a smile. He looked at the picture on the viewer and said, "There you go! That's your website photo. Do you want me to email it to you?"

Loretta said, "Either that, or you can plug your camera directly into that computer over there and save it directly to the desktop."

He reached in his backpack, took out a chord, and plugged one end into his camera and the other into the laptop. Loretta came around her work table and keyed in a complicated series of letters and numbers at lightning speed.

He whistled, "Whoa. That's some serious security you've got there!" Then he turned and flipped through his photos.

Loretta looked over his shoulder and made an admiring noise in the back of her throat. "Those are fabulous photos!"

"Photography has been a serious hobby for me since I did a photo project for the Boy Scouts in high school. I love to take pictures everywhere I go. Do you take pictures?"

"Yes, I take pictures when I walk in the woods. What you do is photography. There's a huge gulf between the two. Thanks for taking my picture."

"You want to see it?"

Loretta made a face and said, "Not really. I hate how dweeby I look in pictures."

He turned the camera in her direction and said, "Lady, you don't look dweeby at all in that picture!"

Loretta leaned forward and Freddie moved up to look over her shoulder. Both women let out small cries. Loretta looked beautiful, holding a pie in one hand and reaching toward the camera with the other hand, palm upturned. Wisps of hair (having escaped from the band that held her pony tail) floated around her apple cheeks, and her wide-set violet eyes sparkled, as she flashed a welcoming grin. She looked like a woman supremely confident in herself, inviting the onlooker to join her for a special treat.

Loretta blushed. Freddie applauded. "I have never seen a picture of my daughter that so perfectly captures her essence!"

"What are you talking about, Mama? That woman doesn't look anything like me."

Freddie raised her eyebrows and winked at the doctor, "Thank you. That is a very special photo. I will have it printed and keep it in my room."

Loretta waved a spatula. "Are you going to stand around all afternoon yapping or are you going to offer Dr. Shepherd a drink or at least a cup of coffee?"

Freddie fluttered around, "I don't know where my manners have gone. It's been a while since we've had guests. I'm out of practice. Would you like a soft drink? Tea? Or perhaps a cold beer?"

He smiled and looked out the window, "Actually, after my drive, I'd kind of like to stretch my legs. Could I take a rain check on the beer and take a walk before supper?"

"Certainly. Would you like some bottled water to take with you?"

"Yes, please."

Loretta finished packing the pies and turned to Freddie, "Mama, UPS will be here in a second. Can you take care of giving them the shipment? Dr. Shepherd, may I show you to your room so you can get settled?"

"I'd appreciate that. I want to change into my hiking boots and use the lavatory."

He had a smooth, low voice with a comforting quality. His accent was definitely South Carolina, but it had a slight edge to it that made her think he had spent some time up North. She led the way upstairs, and showed him to his room, pointing out the closet in the hall with extra towels and blankets. She showed him the back stairs that led directly to the vestibule where the back porch entered the kitchen. "If you are going for a hike, you can go down that way and straight out the back door. I hate to have to say this because it sounds so obvious, but Mama says she's had problems before. If your hiking boots have metal cleats of any kind, please don't put them on until you get to the back porch. We have chairs out there for the purpose."

He smiled and said, "I brought regular rubber soled boots for this trip. I'm here to relax and take easy walks. If there are rugged trails around, I may come back another time with my full gear and get some real exercise."

She turned toward the door and said, "Then I'll leave you to settle in. Please don't hesitate to call if there's anything you need. Mama can't manage the steps yet, but she'll take care of you downstairs. I'm the upstairs maid."

"You live here?"

She thought about that for a while, "Well, I suppose I do, now. I've been thinking along the lines of 'I'm staying here temporarily while Mama recuperates.' But, in view of the fact that I sublet my apartment and have no other address, I guess it's true to say I live here now. I don't know for how long." A cloud crossed her face, "Although, it may be longer than I expected. She's not making very rapid progress."

"Hip replacement?"

"Yes."

"How old is she?"

"Seventy-four."

"That's not really all that old."

"Yeah, but she's overweight and she has never exercised in her life. She's not cooperating with her physical therapy. I have to practically fight with her to get her to walk to the mailbox."

"That's a problem."

Loretta lifted her chin and met his gaze. She said, "Yes, Dr. Shepherd, it's a problem, but it's my problem which I will address with my mother's doctor. You are on vacation. We absolutely will not impose upon you for free medical advice."

He leaned forward and put his hand on the wall beside her head, saying, "I appreciate your courtesy. That's rare. However, I want you to know that if you want a second opinion on her treatment, I know a really good gerontologist in Asheville. His practice includes post-surgical therapy for patients who are not progressing. If your mother doesn't start making some real strides very soon, let me know and I'll get you an appointment."

"Thank you, Doctor. That's very kind. Now, you'd better get a move on. Supper is officially scheduled for two hours from now, although the truth is you're our only guest, so we'll hold dinner until you're ready to eat it."

He smiled. She started to walk away, but he put his hand on her shoulder and said, "There is one other thing."

"What's that?"

"This weekend I'm your guest, a patron of your inn, relaxing in the mountains. My given name is Jackson. Can we drop the Doctor Shepherd shit?"

Loretta looked up into his chocolate eyes and noticed that he was probably the same age as her. That surprised her. A few flecks of gray could be seek in his sideburns, but otherwise his hair was raven. His smile was an advertisement for a very talented orthodontist. Loretta thought he was the most handsome man she'd seen since the last time she visited San Francisco, where everyone always seemed gorgeous to her.

She nodded and smiled, "I understand. Jackson it is then."

"Would you mind mentioning that to your mama?"

"Certainly." As she walked away, she called over her shoulder, "I'll have some bottles of water waiting for you on the table. You want some raisins or power bars?"

"No, thanks. I'm not going to go far, and I don't want to spoil my supper."

"You want to know what's on the menu?"

"No. Surprise me."

"Well, let me ask you this: If you had your choice between Senate bean soup with ham, and vegetarian vegetable, which would you pick?"

"Ma'am, if you were to serve me a soup that wasn't flavored with some part of a pig, I probably wouldn't eat it."

"Understood. Then I'll surprise you with something porky." She winked at him and headed down the stairs.

## Chapter 7

Jackson looked back at her through the window from the porch. She had turned to the stove to take out the bread. Her movements were spare, quick and efficient. She seemed to be concentrating totally on the task at hand. He had the impression that she had completely forgotten he was even there. He found that vaguely disturbing, but at the same time he found her attractive. With some difficulty, he resisted the urge to hang around in the kitchen and get in her way.

Loretta had placed a map of the local trails in his room, and he was delighted to discover that there was one trail that literally ran through the back yard of the inn. He walked past Freddie's garden and the clothes lines, wondering if they hung the linens outside to dry. He thought fresh smelling, dried-on-a-clothesline sheets would be wonderful. The yard was immaculately landscaped. He thought it must be beautiful in the spring with the azaleas and crepe myrtle blooming, not to mention whatever other flowers filled the many small flower beds dotting the yard.

He set an easy pace and walked up hill for about three miles, then he turned around and headed back toward the Inn at a slightly faster pace. He walked in the back door, and stopped. Loretta was stirring a large pot of bean soup. The brown bread was sitting on a cutting board awaiting the slicing knife. He grinned and said, "Oh, my God! This smells like my mama's kitchen."

Freddie was sitting at the kitchen table, composing her daily blog post at the computer. She looked up and smiled, "Where is your mama's kitchen?"

He made a sad face. "It used to be in Walterboro, South Carolina."

"What happened to it?"

"Mama had to go into a nursing home and my oldest brother, who takes care of her affairs, sold the house."

Loretta asked if he was ready for that beer she promised him. He said he was and asked if they would mind if he joined them at the kitchen table. Freddie pointed at the chair across from her. Loretta brought him a bottle of beer and a glass, and asked, "When do you want to eat?"

He looked at the beer and then at her, "Would you mind waiting for about a half hour. I'd like to enjoy my beer and visit for a spell."

Freddie said, "Make your self at home. There's no better seat in the house than at the kitchen table."

Loretta said, "Would you care to eat with us here or shall I set you up in the dining room?"

He laughed, "If you don't mind my intruding on your private time, I'd love to eat here. It's so much cozier than the dining room. Don't get me wrong, the dining room is beautiful, but I prefer eating in the kitchen."

"No problem." Loretta got out the bowls and fetched a beer for herself. She pulled up a chair and said, "I hope you don't mind if I join you."

"I'm delighted. That soup smells wonderful."

"Senate bean soup is my all-time favorite."

The three of them chatted for a while. Loretta asked to see the photos he had on his camera and she and Freddie admired them with words, expressions and much gesticulation. He and Loretta finished their beers. She replaced the pilsner glasses with tall glasses for iced tea, and served up the soup. They ate in silence except for Jackson's periodic murmurs of appreciation. After supper, he offered to help with the dishes and both women shooed him out of the kitchen. He took a book to the side porch and sprawled on the chaise, listening to the sounds of the woods settling down for the evening. When it got too dark to read outside, he found a comfortable chair in the parlor.

Loretta came in a few minutes later and offered him some cheese with crackers and a glass of wine. He said, "I'm not hungry, and I'm really not much of a wine drinker. You wouldn't happen to have any bourbon would you?"

Loretta laughed, "Well, officially, Mama is a tee-totalling Baptist, but she keeps liquor on hand for her heathen guests. She also keeps a bottle of really good Kentucky bourbon for medicine. You want it mixed with anything or on the rocks?"

"A short one with a couple of cubes. Would you care to join me? I'd love to hear some stories about this Inn and the town."

"Sure. Mama's the real story-teller here, so you should hit her up tomorrow for the local lore. I can tell you about the Inn, though. I'll be right back."

A few minutes later, she returned with two tinkling glasses of amber liquid, and without her apron. She set his drink on the coffee table and curled up on a love seat across from him, twirling the ice cubes in her glass. "Mama opened this place as an Inn fifteen years ago after my dad died. She needed something to do with her time, and she had always been known as a great hostess, so she thought she'd make a business of it. She's never made a lot of money at it, but she enjoys meeting people from other places and cooking for appreciative diners. Some of the locals take meals here on Sundays and sometimes for special occasions. It's almost become a restaurant."

"I get the impression you haven't worked here the whole time."

"No. When she first opened the Inn, I lived in Massachusetts. Later I moved to California. I only came back a couple of months ago after her surgery, because she was not progressing very quickly in her recovery and she needed help."

"Are you here to stay?"

"I don't know. Frankly, I'd like to be, but I'm not sure the neighbors are exactly thrilled to have me here."

"You a troublemaker?"

"I try not to be, but my presence seems to disturb folks."

"Don't tell me, let me guess. It has something to do with your living among Yankees for all those years."

"Actually, I lived among Yankees all those years because my presence here seemed to bother the locals, even when I was a kid."

"What did you do to them?"

"I don't fit in. Worse still, this time around I no longer care that I don't fit in."

He laughed, "That may be the one unforgivable sin for a small town Southern gal. I see no wedding ring and hear no rug rats running around. So, you don't fit in and you're not married. In my family at least, that is the worst fate imaginable for a woman. What do you do for a living when you're not here running your mother's business and baking pies?"

"I'm an Internet security consultant. I'm running my business out of the attic."

He whistled. "As I understand it, that can involve some pretty serious technical stuff."

"Yes, it does. I love it."

"How did you get into that? Isn't that kind of an unusual occupation for a woman?"

"I guess that's another of my manifold sins. I'm a female who never seemed to understand her place."

"Yikes! That's three strikes against you. You'd better head North again, quick."

She chuckled, with no humor. "Actually, I went to college as a math major. Another decidedly unfeminine thing. I took a programming class my freshman year and changed my major like five minutes after my first class. I love programming. I just can't explain it. Doing high level math makes me happy. Now isn't that the weirdest thing you've ever heard?"

"Actually, it makes sense. I've read that very high level math and scientific thinking can often border on the kind of brain activity that Buddhist monks achieve when they meditate. Besides, I think that whatever it may be, if you find something in life you love to do, you're lucky. In your case it appears you are doubly blessed, because you make a living doing what you love."

"If that is true, then I am blessed beyond words, because I make a lot of money doing what I am passionate about. I've only recently learned to cook and I am falling in love with that as well. Plus, I'm making some money at it, to boot."

"Wow! I'm impressed."

"What about you? What do you love?"

He looked off into space, sipped his drink and squirmed. She added quickly, "You don't have to answer if you don't want to."

He smiled, and said, "I kind of want to answer, but I don't know how. The truth is that other than hiking and taking pictures, I've never really found anything that really lights me up."

"You're a healer. Isn't that your passion?"

He shook his head. "I'm not a healer in the way you mean it. I'm an emergency room doctor. I patch people up, and then turn them over to the real healers who take care of them over the long haul."

"Most medical professionals seem to have grown up wanting to become doctors or nurses. How did you get into that if it wasn't your lifelong ambition?"

He sipped and squirmed some more. "After high school, I went to Clemson. I studied medical technology because my family there believes that the medical profession would be good for me, but we didn't have the money for me to go to medical school and I didn't want to be a nurse because—well, you know what they used to say about male nurses.

"It wasn't really what I would have picked, but I went along because it was a safe choice. When I graduated, I went work in a lab in Columbia, South Carolina. I liked my job. It paid well. It was not too taxing. It allowed me to spend my weekends hiking and taking pictures. I even started dabbling at painting on the weekends, which was a secret desire I'd had since childhood, but one which I have never shared with anyone in my family. I worked in the lab for about six years, and had become a supervisor for an important research project. In the spring of 2002, the project lost its funding and I was laid off.

"I was almost too old, but I decided to do my part for my country and I joined the Army. Because I had some medical training, they put me in the medical corps and sent me to Iraq where my main job was to pick up the pieces of bodies strewn along the road to Fajullah. If they were still breathing, we tried to save them, and often we were able to do that. Sometimes I think we saved people we shouldn't have. If they were not breathing, we bagged them, tagged them and shipped them home." He sighed and was quiet for a long time. Loretta stared into her drink to allow him some privacy with his thoughts.

Eventually, he went on, "I put in one tour in Iraq and then they sent me to Afghanistan, where I did another tour of similar duty. One of the doctors I worked with suggested that I go to medical school on the GI bill. I rotated out of the Army and applied for medical school. I was accepted to Ohio State, and surprised myself and my family by doing very well in medical school, even though I was the oldest student enrolled, by about a decade. I did my internship in Columbus, and then I did my residency at the Cleveland Clinic. I really hated the winters up north, and decided I wanted to work in a smaller city, so I applied for permanent jobs in various small to mid-sized hospitals all over the South. Asheville seemed like the perfect place."

"Is it?"

"Yes and no. On the one hand, I love living in the South again. And I have fallen madly in love with the mountains. But, working in an emergency room is not for the weak. Even in a relatively small city like Asheville some really bad shit happens to people. The hours are long, the work is brutal and, frankly, there isn't a lot of satisfaction in it."

"You're saving lives on a daily basis."

"Some days, anyway. Most days, we're treating minor injuries and illnesses for people who don't have regular doctors because they don't have insurance. Other days we have patients come in with serious illnesses that have passed the point that we can help, because they waited too long. It makes me sad."

Loretta said, "It makes me sad to hear the tone in your voice when you talk about your job. I get up every morning eager to go to work. It always makes me very sorry to hear people talk about their work as though it were some kind of burden."

He was quiet for a while. Then he said, as if to change the subject, "Are you an only child?"

"Yes. What about you?"

"I am the youngest of seven children. I think I was kind of a mid-life surprise. I'm seven years younger than my nearest sibling. My oldest brother is almost twenty years older than me."

Loretta smiled, "I'm guessing you were either the pampered baby or you were picked on mercilessly."

"Both, actually. The girls spoiled me and treated me like a baby. They still do, treat me like a baby, that is. The spoiling stopped years ago. My nearest brothers took pleasure in tormenting me. They kind of still do that, also, when I let them."

"What do you mean by that?"

"I don't see my family very much any more. Daddy died about ten years ago. Mama couldn't really cope with living in a world without him, but she was still physically okay. She kind of curled up into her own mind and retreated into dementia. I look just like my dad, and when I used to go to see her, she thought I was him. At first that was okay. She'd tell me stories, and reminisce about their early days together. Later, she started behaving inappropriately. She would try to kiss me and be intimate. I spoke with the doctors about that and told them that it made me terribly uncomfortable, and my discomfort upset my mother. She felt that my father was rejecting her, and she'd cry and beg me to love her. It was awful. The doctors said they thought the only solution was for me to not visit her any more. She didn't remember that she even had children. She wouldn't really miss me. She missed my dad something awful, but there was no getting around that, since he was actually dead. I did as the doctors suggested and stopped going to see her.

"My brothers and sisters were very upset about that. They still go to see her. They drag their kids to the nursing home, and they always come home upset and in tears. I'd visit, too, but the problem is that the older I get, the more I look like my dad, so I'm kind of afraid of her reaction. I talk to her on the phone, but I don't visit. I steer clear of my brothers and sisters because I get tired of them harping about it."

Loretta set her drink on the table. "This has created a rift in your family, I take it?"

"The truth is that it widened a rift that had already opened. Nobody in my family wanted me to join the Army when I did. None of them wanted me to move up North and go to medical school. They wanted me to come home, get a job, get married and live the same way they do."

"They all still live in the same area?"

"All of my brothers and sisters live in or near Charleston, except for my oldest sister who lives with her family in Columbia. I'm the odd man out."

Loretta picked up her glass and raised it in a toast, "Here's to Southern-fried oddballs."

He clinked her glass and they both sipped.

He said softly, "I used to imagine that I was an only child. What was it like?"

"I suppose on the one hand there was no problem with sharing the bathroom, toys and clothes. I guess that's the good thing about it. The bad thing about it was the unrelenting attention of my parents. There was nobody else for them to worry about, fret over and fuss at. It was okay when I was really little. It started to be a problem when I was in high school. I went through a kind of Goth period. I hung out with the science nerds. I was into rocketry and I played chess with the smart boys. I got straight A's in everything, but loved math and science most of all. I didn't date, because the guys I hung out with were dorks and so was I, so none of us were particularly date-worthy.

"I didn't have any girlfriends, and I was okay with that because I thought girls were stupid with all their giggly ways and talking about makeup all the time. My parents were not okay with that at all. I was not living up to the normal Girl-Raised-In-The-South standards. For a long time I tried to at least look like I fit in, but somewhere around the end of my junior year of high school, I decided to abandon all pretense. I cut my own hair and made it spiky. The only cosmetics I wore were black lipstick and fingernail polish, neither of which went over very well with the Baptist Sunday school teachers. I was just weird and strange. I was okay with that, but my parents and the people in town were not. The fact that I got straight A's, did volunteer work and won every 4H award there was, did not help."

He nodded and smiled, "I'm guessing you went away to college. Where did you go?"

"MIT."

He whistled, "Wow! How did you like Boston?"

"I lived in Boston for nearly eight years and hated every minute of it. I'd have left long before I did, but I had a great job doing computer security for a high tech company, and they just paid me too well for me to leave. Eventually, some things happened that made it impossible for me to stay in Massachusetts. I decided I wanted to move to Silicon Valley. My employer offered to hire me as a consultant in order not to lose me entirely. I ended up making more money consulting for them than they ever paid me in salary. When I arrived in California, I rented an apartment and set myself up as a consultant. I did great, and I probably would have stayed there indefinitely except that Mama asked me to come home to help her after her surgery."

"Will you go back to California after she gets better?"

"I don't think so. I didn't care much for California except for the food. I love seafood and Asian food, and there was plenty of both to be had where I lived. I hated the traffic and congestion, and the general weirdness of the place." She paused and chuckled, "I recognize the irony of that statement.

"Fortunately, since I was self employed and worked out of my home, I didn't have to commute to a job. Quite honestly, I like it here. I'd stay here forever if my neighbors would stay off my back.

"How do you like Asheville?"

"Actually, I think I'll like it there pretty well once I get established. Right now, I'm living in a furnished apartment that I rented over the phone. I'm looking around to figure out where I want to actually live. My biggest problem right now is that every woman I have met in the hospital either wants to date me or introduce me to her friends, daughters, or cousins. There's a conspiracy among women to try to marry off every single man they come across."

Loretta laughed, "I'm guessing that the fact that you're a doctor (who does now or could in the future make a lot money) and you're very handsome doesn't help."

"Thanks. I think you may be right, about the former, anyway." Then he blushed.

"You don't want to get married?"

"Not really. Most of the people I know who are married, seem stressed and overwhelmed. They typically have two jobs, kids going in every direction and they seem to spend their lives chasing their tails. My brothers and sisters all live lives that exhaust me just listening to them talk about it."

"I'm guessing that life in the ER is stressful and exhausting enough without adding family responsibilities."

"Yeah. But, I think it's more than that. I grew up in a house that was a three ring circus. Seven kids and only one bathroom. The noise and chaos was unrelenting. I used to get up in the middle of the night and sit in the living room, just to experience some peace and quiet. When I graduated from college, I bought a tiny house in a cute neighborhood and worked in a very quiet lab. I spent my weekends hiking and taking photos. My dad was still alive, and I'd go home to visit my parents fairly frequently. That was nice because all the rest of the kids were married and had their own homes, and I had some one-on-one time with my parents for the first time. I just had no interest at that point in getting married and having a family. After I came back from the Army, I was in medical school, which is a totally life-consuming exercise. Now, I'm working fifty hours a week in an emergency room. When I'm not working, I crave solitude and quiet."

"Would you consider getting a job in some other field of medicine?"

"Absolutely. I have no plans to be an ER doctor any longer than necessary. I actually would prefer to work in a lab. I'm not really much of a people person. My bedside manner leaves a lot to be desired. That may not be a huge problem in the ER, but it would not do for me to try to go into private practice."

Loretta laughed, "I'm not much of a people person, either. A fact which my mother laments daily."

"Why do you suppose that others are so free to try to tell us how we should live our lives, even if it would be unnatural for us?"

"Because our 'difference' is somehow threatening to them. It somehow calls into question the choices they made."

"That doesn't make sense."

"I agree. It's stupid and ridiculous. In fact, – excuse my French – it pisses me off royally that people are so free with their opinions of how I should live my life. I don't tell other people how to live, and I would really appreciate it if others would extend me the same courtesy."

"Do you think it's worse in the South?"

"Not really. In Cambridge I was the uppity bitch who was invading male turf. A lot of people took exception to that. Women were supposed to study literature or philosophy or whatever. Women could even be lawyers or doctors, but we were not very welcome in the math and IT departments. I guess the closest I came to finding a place where people left me alone was in California. My nerdy friends were mostly guys who were fifteen years younger than me. They were as weird as I am. My neighbors thought I was poor, because I bought my clothes at the Goodwill and didn't seem to have a job. A local grocer used to give me over-ripe produce because she felt sorry for me. Some of the neighbors were always trying to find me a job or dates with employed males. Actually, I was making well over $200,000 a year, I just never spent any of it, at least not on clothes or stuff people could see."

"Did you date?"

"Not much. For one thing, I think my looks put professional men off. As I said, I'm kind of a slob. I had a very nice business suit which I wore when I visited my clients. I try not to have to do that very often. I guess I must clean up okay, because frequently I was asked out by employees of my client companies."

"Did you accept?"

"Occasionally. When the guy wasn't married. The problem was that they almost always wanted to go out for an expensive dinner at a fancy restaurant, and I just mortally hate that. I'd rather have a killer barbecue sandwich and a cold draft beer at a local joint than a five star meal at a fancy restaurant where I am always intimidated by the waiters."

He laughed. "You are like the anti-Southern gal."

She grinned and made a face. "That would be me."

She stood up and stretched. "I'm also an early riser, which means I poop out early. Stay up as long as you like. I left the bourbon out on the sideboard if you'd like another drink. It's time for me to hit the hay."

He said, "I think I'll follow shortly. I'm going to finish this chapter and then turn in early, too. I want to get up and watch the sunrise. Maybe I can get in an early walk before breakfast."

"Sure. Breakfast is at no set time. I'll have yogurt, fruit and cereal out whenever you want to eat. I usually take an early walk myself."

"Thank you. I have to tell you, I love this place. I may become a regular."

She grinned, "I think we'd like that. Goodnight."

She turned and walked away. Once again, Jackson had the uncomfortable impression that the minute she turned her back she forgot he was there. On the one hand, she was strange and different from any woman he'd ever met. On the other hand, he felt that in some way they had a connection, if it was only that they both had the experience of being out of synch with their cultural environment. The part of him that had never given up on finding a wife wanted to get to know her better. The sensible part of him insisted that he not go down that road with someone so unusual.

He picked up his book, but could not concentrate. He was troubled by their conversation. The last person he had shared that much personal information with was a guy he served with in the Army. They had lost touch after Jackson left Iraq. He heard that the guy had been killed in a car accident while he was home on leave. Jackson could not imagine how he had reached such a level of intimacy with Loretta so quickly.

Since he couldn't concentrate, he went to bed. Retreating into sleep was his typical antidote to troubling thoughts and emotions.

The next morning, he was awakened at 5:30 AM by Loretta's descent from the attic. She walked very quietly but two of the attic stairs squeaked. Soon he heard her moving around in the kitchen, and he smelled coffee. Before 6:00, he could hear Freddie and Loretta talking softly. He decided to get up and join them. When he entered the kitchen, Freddie was making pie crusts and Loretta was making fillings for apple pies and pecan pies. Their hands were messy, so Loretta invited him to pour his own coffee and make himself comfortable wherever he wanted to sit. She told him that sunrise was due at 7:15 and invited him to join her and her mother on the porch for the event.

He poured coffee, and helped himself to a muffin from a basket on the table. Then he sat down at the table and watched the women working. They reminded him of a skilled surgical team in the operating room. No wasted motions, no unnecessary talk, it was all business, and yet somehow graceful and beautiful to watch. In the case of the kitchen in the Russell Inn, it smelled wonderful, too.

They put on sweatshirts and went out on the porch to watch the sun come up. None of them spoke. Watching the sun rise was a moving and deeply personal experience for each of them. Jackson had his camera with him and took a number of pictures. He sneaked in a photo of Loretta and her mother, with the pink-gold sunshine reflecting off their glasses, and identical looks of wonder around their mouths. When the sun had risen fully, Loretta stretched and said, "Well, folks, I'm off for my morning stroll. I see you back here in a while."

She charged across the back yard, eager to be on the trail.

Freddie huffed, "That was rude. She should have asked if you wanted to join her."

Jackson laughed, "I'm guessing that Miss Loretta is pretty much of a solo-walker. Truth be told, so am I. I have really long legs and I walk fast. Most people can't keep up with me and it annoys me to have to slow my pace."

Freddie laughed, "I think Loretta could keep up with you. She walks like the Banshee is after her." She shook her head, "It still would have been nice for her to offer to show you around."

"Maybe later she and I can take a walk and she can show me around. Right now, she's all about getting the old heart rate up."

Freddie shook her head and said, "I just don't get it. All that exercise all by yourself. What ever happened to team sports?"

Jackson raised his eyebrows and said, "I don't know about Miss Loretta, but my involvement with team sports ended with my last P. E. class in high school. I had put up with too many years of never being voluntarily chosen to be on any kind of a team."

Freddie made a face, "Actually, Loretta was always very athletic, but she is too independent and too contrary for team sports. She was invited to join the tennis team and the softball team when she was in high school. She ended up on the track team. She was their long-distance runner. I don't think she even learned the names of the other kids on the team."

Jackson smiled, "Some of us are just natural born loners."

"You?"

"Yes, ma'am. I'm guessing that Miss Loretta hasn't heard any lectures from parental units that I haven't heard, too, – dozens of times. The main difference between us is that I have six older siblings all of whom are married, giving me twelve people who have carried on the litany of complaints about my lack of a spouse and children after my dad died and my mother went into a nursing home. I'm into the second generation of being bitched at. Actually, one of my nieces asked me a while back when I was going to break down and get married. I guess that's a third generation unhappy with me."

Freddie said, staring off into space and with a very sad look on her face, "I cannot imagine a young person who does not want to be married and have children."

"Some of us have not been lucky enough to meet the right person. I'm guessing that you and Mr. Russell were childhood sweethearts."

"Not exactly." She hesitated for a long time. "I was born here. My mother died when I was very small. Papa married a lady from up the mountain. He died, and she and I lived in our family home, which burned down a few years ago. We hated each other, so we sort of occupied the same address and interacted as little as possible.

"Jimmy Russell was a handsome man from Eastern Kentucky. He came here to work as a mechanic in the gas station, which he eventually bought. He was almost fifteen years older than me, but we fell in love the first time we met. I was only fifteen. He waited for me until I graduated from high school and turned eighteen. Then we got married. He worked in the gas station. I worked in the grocery store and ran the soda fountain. We lived in a room in the back of the store, and saved every penny.

"This house was falling into ruins and the people who'd owned it for several generations died out. We bought it for back taxes. At first we lived in the kitchen while we fixed up the rest of the house. It took us years, but we finally restored it to the way we thought it was supposed to look. They call this kind of house a Victorian Lady, and Jimmy wanted her to be as fancy as her name. Actually, Jimmy always called her Nancy. I didn't learn until after I buried him, and some of his distant kin showed up looking to see if he had any money, that Nancy was his sister's name.

"Anyway, we wanted to fill our home with a whole bunch of kids. Neither of us had family close by, and I think we wanted to create a whole clan of our own.

"Unfortunately, the Good Lord in His wisdom, decided that Loretta would be our only child.

"We adored her, doted on her and spoiled her. It was years before we totally gave up any hope of having more children. Our plans to fill the house with a passel of kids never materialized. Ironically, Loretta might have been the quietest child ever raised in these parts or maybe anywhere. She loved to read, or to play quietly with her tinker toys. Sometimes she'd go for days and speak only a few words. She never ran in the house or slammed doors or talked back."

Jackson said, "You know I'm sure that some only children are lonely and sad, but most of the only children that I know were actually happier as kids than some of us from big families. As for me, I was the youngest of seven. I once actually volunteered to be given up for adoption to a family with no children so I could find some peace and quiet. My family thought that was hilarious. The truth of the matter is, I wasn't kidding when I said it."

Freddie shook her head and waved her hands in surrender, "Okay you've convinced me that you don't think my daughter's rude. Go! Take your own walk alone. Be by yourself. Enjoy your precious solitude. I'll have mint tea and fruit for you when you get back."

"Thanks! That sounds wonderful."

He took off across the yard toward the trail head.

Two hours later, he returned to the inn. His cheeks were red with windburn and just the slightest bit of a chill in the air. He was grinning as he walked into the kitchen where Freddie was laying out a snack of fruit and nuts and crackers. He said, "Your timing is perfect. I'm thirsty and starving."

Freddie put the plate on the kitchen table and poured herself a cup of coffee. "Help yourself."

"Where's Miss Loretta? Don't tell me she's still walking?"

"Yes. She takes her long walks on the weekend. Usually two hours. Sometimes two and a half. During the week, she limits it to an hour or ninety minutes because she works at her computer job. Do you know about that?"

He nodded, and then whistled. "She must be in great shape to walk that far in the mountains."

"Yes. She is. I get so mad at her sometimes. I just don't think it's safe for her to be out there rambling around in the forest alone, but she insists she's okay. I'm not supposed to know it, but she carries a gun. I don't think she ever goes anywhere without it. I guess that's supposed to make me feel a little better about her safety. I can't say that it does."

"Does she know how to use the gun?"

"I have reason to believe she does."

Jackson shook his head and ran his hand through his hair, "That is a big surprise to me. I took her for a kind of pacifist hippie-type."

"It shocked the daylights out of me when I found out. Let me tell you."

Loretta walked in the back door, with her hair windblown and her cheeks matching Jackson's glow. She grinned and said, "Isn't it a glorious day for a walk?" She looked at Jackson and smiled, "Maybe later, if you want to, we could go again. I'd be glad to show you some of the points of interest on the trail."

"I'd love to, but let me have a snack first."

"No rush. I need to check my email and do some of the prep work for dinner. If you're up to another walk later, maybe we can go early in the afternoon."

"That sounds good. I think I'd like to sack out on the porch for a while. Wake me if anything happens that requires consciousness."

Freddie stood up and said, "I think I'll take a nap, too. Not too many things happen around here of a Saturday that require consciousness."

After lunch, Loretta and Jackson headed out for the trail again. They both walked slower than they would have if they were alone, but they kept up a brisk pace. Loretta pointed out certain plants and animal habitats that Jackson had missed earlier. She told him some stories about the history of the area, and urged him to pump her mother for more stories if he were interested in local lore. After that they walked in silence for twenty minutes or so.

At one point, Jackson pulled a couple of bottles of water out from his backpack and said, "What do you say we take a break and then turn around. You're in better shape than me. The way back is all up hill. I don't want you to have to carry me home over your shoulder."

She accepted the bottle and they sat on a fallen log overlooking an almost-dried-up creek that was, at that time of the year, nothing more than a network of muddy puddles. They sipped their water and said little. Finally she asked, "You and my mother were talking about me, weren't you."

He said, "You know it's not all about you."

"I know that, but my mother doesn't."

"She's a mother. They can't help it. She loves you and wants what's best for you. The problem is that she doesn't seem to understand that what is best for you is contrary to almost everything she believes you should want. That's hard for her to understand."

Loretta took a long swig of her water and said, "Hell, it's hard for me to understand. Where do you suppose I got my anti-social streak?"

Jackson laughed and said, "You're asking the wrong guy. Don't forget, I'm in the same boat. And my family has a similarly negative reaction to it. I have to say, I think your mom is trying a lot harder to understand your situation than anyone in my family has ever tried to look at my point of view."

"I think you're right. That's a very recent development. Mama used to be really bad about getting on my case about every damned thing, but she's trying really hard to mellow out now."

"Let me know how you accomplished that. I may want to take a page from your book."

"I'm not sure, but I think it has to do with the fact that, on the one hand, she needs me, and, on the other, I finally tried a tactic that had never occurred to me before: total honesty."

"What the hell kind of self-respecting Southerner tells the truth about their feelings?"

"None I ever met. I told Mama it came from all those years I spent living and working among Yankees and other Outsiders. I've become corrupted."

"Did she buy that?"

"I don't think so, but she pretended to. The most important thing is that she seems to have finally decided to try to accept the fact that I am happy, despite not being married, with a bunch of kids and a mortgage."

"I'm envious."

She sipped more water and asked, "Do parents get after an unmarried guy as much as an unmarried girl?"

He shrugged. "Every girl in my family was married in their early twenties. So, I don't know how my family would react to a girl who doesn't conform. We never had one of those.

"As for non-conforming boys, they've driven me absolutely crazy. To the point that, for years, I have avoided my siblings as much as possible."

They headed back toward the house. Loretta joined her mother in the kitchen to finish cooking supper, and Jackson took a book out to the porch where he stretched out with a beer waiting for the call to dinner. A little while later Freddie joined him. She said, "Loretta had an emergency call from one of her clients. She wondered if we'd mind waiting supper for about an hour so she can take care of an issue."

"Not a problem for me."

"We can have a cocktail if you want. I like an occasional Manhattan, but don't tell the pastor. How about you?"

"I'm not much for Manhattan's, but I do have a taste for good bourbon. I wouldn't mind a short one if you'll join me."

She grinned and said, "I'll be back in a few minutes." She returned with a healthy glass of bourbon for Jackson and a small Manhattan on the rocks for herself. She set a shaker and a glass on a table beside Jackson. In response to his unspoken question, she said, "That's Loretta's martini. She picked up the martini habit in Boston. To my knowledge she hasn't indulged recently, but this is a special occasion."

"What's special about it?"

"You are the first 'new' guest I've had in the inn in years. That's certainly cause for celebration."

"I really appreciate your hospitality. I feel like you've brought me into your family, and I can't tell you how much that means."

"You mean particularly because you are on the outside looking in at your family."

"Yes, ma'am."

"Kind of like Loretta has been for most of her life."

"So it would appear." He paused and said, "The difference between Loretta's family and mine is that you seem like a reasonable person who is genuinely trying to look at things from Loretta's point of view. My family operates on herd mentality, without taking my wishes or feelings into account."

"It's hard, but I'm trying to be less critical of Loretta."

He raised his glass in a toast, "I'm thinking it will be worth the effort."

At that moment, Loretta walked out onto the porch and asked, "What effort?"

Jackson didn't pause for an instant, responding, "The effort I'm going to have to make to improve my ability to walk up and down these steep trails without getting sore legs or winded. I'm planning to become a regular visitor."

Loretta sniffed the martini, swirled it around in the shaker and poured it into a glass half filled with ice. She said, "You pay your bill with a valid credit card and don't trash the room, we'll put your name on the mailbox."

She sipped her drink and said, "I should go finish up dinner."

Jackson answered, "Let's enjoy our cocktails and chill out for a while here. If necessary, we can all pitch in to do the last minute stuff."

Freddie asked, "You cook?"

"Me? No, ma'am! I can open carry-out containers and set a mean table, but cooking is something no male in my family would ever think about learning to do."

Loretta said, "Then you'd be no damned help around here. I already set the table, so other than shoving food in your pie-hole I reckon you're pretty much useless. Right?"

"I can wash dishes."

Loretta said, "But you're a paying guest, so you won't be doing that, in any event."

Jackson said, "My mother always did say I knew every trick in the books to get out of helping with the dishes." He took a sip of his drink and looked at Loretta. "What kind of problem did your customer have?"

"Actually, it turned out to be the craziest thing. His entire network suddenly became unstable and strange things started happening. Files would disappear and reappear. It was crazy. He thought his system had been hacked and someone was rummaging through his data. At first I did, too, but I could find no evidence of hacking. I wrote the code for it, so I knew it was strong. Besides, the things that were happening didn't make sense even if the hacker was a vandal who was just fooling around as opposed to somebody looking for encrypted documents worth stealing. After a little while I started to wonder if it wasn't a hardware problem. I'm a software person. I can hook up a computer and peripherals, but I wouldn't begin to work on hardware. So I called a friend of mine who is a hardware guy. He can barely open a Word document, but he can fix any kind of mechanical problem imaginable, and some that are pretty impossible to believe. I got him on the phone with my client's in-house IT idiot, and he found a problem in a component in the hard drive of the company's main server that was not supposed to be able to fail. The problem will cost them about $100 to fix. If the server had gone down and they'd lost their data, they could have been out of business for days if not weeks. That would have been huge. It's a $3-billion a year company."

"Wow. Your job must be exciting."

Loretta thought about it for a while, and then said, "Actually, I think my job is almost the same as yours only I deal with wounded code and/or broken computer files, while you deal with the blood and guts of real live people."

"You deal with corporate blood and guts."

"It truly amounts to that, and a lot of what I do is a matter of life or death for my client's companies. That's the piece of my job that a lot of people don't understand. If my client has a proprietary widget or process that is better than what their competition can offer, and somebody steals it or destroys it, my client could go out of business."

"Has that ever happened to you?"

"Nope. I've lost a couple of clients because they thought I was too expensive. I've fired a few clients because I thought they were more trouble than they were worth. But, I've never had a client go under because of a cyber attack that I couldn't prevent or fix."

"I wish I could say I'd never lost a patient."

"One huge difference is that you don't get to pick your patients. You have to treat anyone who comes through the door of the emergency room. I'm very selective about my clients. With only one exception – and I'm about ready to dump them – I do business only with companies that already demonstrate a commitment to playing it safe with their data in the first place."

"That's a big difference!"

Loretta stood up and polished off her martini. "I'm ready for dinner. By the time you two wash your hands and get to the table, I'll have the food ready."

They ate dinner mostly in silence, and then Freddie and Loretta cleaned up the kitchen, while Jackson sat at the kitchen table with a cup of coffee, complaining about the fact that they wouldn't let him help. Finally, Loretta said, "Will you just knock it off! We can't let a paying customer clean up. And we can't let you stay for free because the whole point of running a bed and breakfast is to make at least a little money. Just humor us. Okay?"

Jackson laughed and said, "In that case, I'm going to my room to read and go to bed early so I can get up with you chickens in the morning."

Freddie stood up and said, "That sounds like a plan, and, since I didn't get much of a nap today, I'm going to dispense with my nightly reading and just go to bed."

Loretta didn't say anything.

A couple of hours later, Jackson came down to the kitchen to get a bottle of water and found Loretta sitting at the table, with a cup of coffee beside her, concentrating on her computer. He looked over her shoulder and saw two chat room windows with animated conversations going on among what appeared to be quite a number of people in each window. She looked up at him and smiled, then she typed in GTG in both chats, and closed the windows.

"What was that?"

"Nerd talk."

He laughed. She stood up, stretched and said, "You want some milk and pie?"

"I came down for water, but you could twist my arm."

She poured two glasses of milk and put the peanut butter pie between them. There was only half of the pie left. She laughed and said, "Why don't I cut myself a piece and then give you a fork so you can just eat the rest."

"I'm not that bad."

"You're close!"

They ate their snack at the table, telling stories. They tried to outdo each other with crazy stories about the nutty people they had worked with over the years. Jackson discovered to his delight that Loretta was actually a wonderful story-teller. He assumed that her stories were as exaggerated (to the point of being fabrications) as his were, but they were amusing. He was gratified to know that she seemed to enjoy his tales, without actually appearing to believe them.

When they ran out of gas, they rinsed their dishes and walked up the stairs. As she started to pass him on the stairs, he said, "You don't have to show me tonight, but I'd like to see your office at some point. I kind of like computers, and I think I'd like to see your set up."

"Come on up. I drank a lot of coffee tonight, and I'm not really tired yet."

He followed her up the narrow attic stairs to the door of the garret. She opened it and said, "Welcome to my lair." She stepped back from the door to reveal the futuristic-looking computer array that reminded him of a set from a TV cop show. Then he noticed the single metal bed that appeared to be vintage 1930's and a few items of clothing hanging from a clothes rack in the corner. The room did not have a closet.

She followed his eyes and said, "I'm going to get some comfortable furniture. Honest. Of course, you understand I've been saying that for twenty years. As long as I have state-of-the-art computer equipment, I don't care whether or not I have any furniture. "Do you think I'm crazy?"

He made a face. "I live in a furnished apartment that I moved into with one suitcase. I have never bought furniture or 'stuff' other than clothes and cameras and I don't let either category accumulate. I used to buy books, but I got rid of them after I read them and I stopped buying print books altogether when I bought my first e-reader."

"Okay, here's the question: are we a couple of almost middle aged Peter Pans who never got over adolescence or are we exceedingly evolved creatures who have sublimated the need for the kind of material possessions that most people find essential?"

He grinned and leaned forward saying softly, "Speaking strictly for myself, I think it's both. I won't hazard a guess as to the percentage of either."

He picked up her camera and said, "This is a way cool camera. Would you mind sharing some of your photos?"

She turned on one of her laptops and one of the monitors flashed to life. A few minutes later, Jackson was clicking through dozens of photos: mountain sunrises, sunsets, and storms; the California coastline, at sunrise, sunset and in every imaginable weather condition. He could tell from the number of folders, she had nearly thirty years of photos.

"When did you start taking pictures?"

"My parents gave me one of those pocket cameras that used 35MM film when I turned ten. Since then, I've never gone anywhere without a camera on my person. A few years ago when I bought my first really good photo scanner, I scanned all my good prints to digital and threw out all my photo albums. I also scanned a bunch of my parent's pictures of our life when I was little. Right here in this folder is my entire life. Photos in one folder. Important papers in another. Financial information in another. And it's all backed up in the Cloud so I can access it from anywhere, any time."

"Do you worry about having your entire life stored online?"

"I'm an internet security expert. I actually make that a point in my marketing. Everything there is to know about me is online. I trust my abilities to safeguard my stuff enough to trust my money and my privacy to my security abilities."

"That's powerful advertising."

"So my clients tell me. The truth is that I have never been able to let myself migrate totally to the Cloud. I have copies of everything on my hard drive. I also have a redundant backup hard drive in addition to the stuff I have backed up online."

"Doesn't the replication of copies make it more likely your information will be compromised?"

"I suppose theoretically, but I have different passwords and other security layers for each of them, so I feel they are as close to inviolable as you can get without being the CIA or the Treasury Department."

He whistled. "I have a lot of photos on an external hard drive. Could you give me some advice about how to migrate them to someplace on the Web where they won't deteriorate?"

"Sure. I'll shoot you an email with several suggestions, depending on how many photos you have and their resolution."

"How much do you charge?"

She grinned and said, "You're my best pie customer. I'll throw in some consulting for nothing."

He continued to scroll through her photos, and said, "I thought you said you sucked as a photographer. Some of these are very good."

"You think? I'm my own worst critic."

"Your photos of people are not so hot. Too many posed pictures. But, your photos of scenery are pretty good. It doesn't hurt that you appear to have always had positively state-of-the-art equipment."

"I don't buy clothes, jewelery, makeup or any of the other crap women usually spend their money on. I do, however, have the best computers, cameras, scanners and phones that money can buy. I'm a techno-holic."

They chatted for a few more minutes and then Jackson went back down the stairs and to bed. He heard her moving around in her room, and wondered if the woman ever slept.

## Chapter 8

Sunday dawned clear and crisp. Jackson headed out for his walk. It appeared that Loretta was ahead of him. Breakfast was laid out and coffee was made, but he didn't hear her moving around in the house. Jackson headed up the trail at a comfortable pace with the intention of walking for a couple of hours. He took pictures and found himself slowing down in order to enjoy the details of the colored trees and the musty smell of the spongy carpet of leaves and loam on which he walked.

After about an hour he heard someone running, fast. A few minutes later Loretta came racing down the path. She paused momentarily and said, "I lost track of the time, I'm almost going to be late to take Mama to church. I'll leave the back door open for you. I'll be back shortly if you want a hot breakfast."

"What time do you get home from church."

"I just drop Mama off, and then go back later to pick her up."

"Gal, you are not helping your case!"

"Don't you start in on me, too!" She waved and ran down the hill and out of sight.

Jackson spent most of the day alternately reading and dozing on the side porch while Loretta and Freddie prepared Sunday supper.

About three-thirty the other guests arrived. Freddie greeted them and showed them into the parlor where she served iced tea and a sweet punch. Jackson, started to ask for a cup of the punch when Loretta came up behind him and whispered, "That stuff is about 180-proof. If you plan to drive to Asheville today, stick with the tea."

He didn't say anything but requested tea, chuckling.

The guests drank the punch and, with a new person to tell stories to, they outdid themselves. Jackson could barely eat, he was laughing so hard, but he managed nonetheless to eat a healthy portion of the best fried chicken he'd tasted since his mama gave up cooking.

After she cleaned off the table and brought in the desserts, Loretta said, "Jackson, I don't want to rush you, but there is only about an hour and a half of daylight left. If you want to get back to Asheville before dark, you should leave soon."

He said, "I already have my bag in the car, so I'm ready. I am so sorry to eat and run. It's so rude."

Freddie stood up and said, "We completely understand."

Jackson shook hands around the table, and Freddie walked him to the door as Loretta ducked into the kitchen. Freddie gave him a hug and invited him to come back again soon. Loretta reappeared a second later with a large bag, grinning. "This is a care package from mama and me. We figure with your schedule you probably don't eat right. There's some leftover fried chicken, some cole slaw, a couple of containers of frozen soup. I wrapped them good, but you should put them right in the freezer when you get home. There's a couple of jars of jam and a pecan pie for the folks in the ER. If you want more peanut butter pie, you have to come back."

He gave her a hug and said, "Sugar, I will drive over the mountain on a regular basis for that pie."

His trip home was uneventful and he arrived feeling more relaxed and rested than he had in a long time.

Before he went to bed, he sent Loretta an email thanking her for her hospitality, and posted a comment on Freddie's blog recommending the Inn to anyone who might want to savor fabulous food and be spoiled by a couple of very fine Southern ladies.

## Chapter 9

On Monday, Loretta was scheduled to offer the first of her computer classes for adults at the library. The librarian had decided it would be better to wait until fall when things slowed down a little. Loretta managed not to laugh about that. She had not been aware that things had been particularly hectic in Spencer.

She pulled into the library parking lot at 9:30 to set up for her 10:00 AM class. Freddie came with her, which Loretta didn't particularly appreciate, but she couldn't think of a good reason to ask Freddie not to come, so she kept her mouth shut.

Five people showed up for the class, besides Freddie, who did not really need the basics that Loretta intended to cover. The students ranged in age from sixty-five to eighty. They all said the had grandchildren who lived far away, and they needed to learn to communicate by email because the grand kids did not communicate any other way.

Loretta said, "Actually, if the goal is to communicate with teenagers, y'all probably need to learn to text message. How many of you have cell phones with text messaging?" None of them had cell phones at all.

"Okay, then, we'll stick with email."

She spent the next half hour showing them how to log onto the internet. She walked them through the process of setting up free email accounts. They each had the telephone numbers for the children and grandchildren they wanted to contact, so Loretta sent texts to each of those people requesting their email addresses so she could help their grandparents sent up their contacts list. That tipped the kids off to be looking for emails from their grandparents.

It took a few minutes to get the email addresses entered into the contacts. Then Loretta told them to send a brief message to their kin, something simple like _"Hi, I'm now online! What do you think about that?"_

They each hit send and only seconds later they all received responses. The woman who was eighty sat there with tears in her eyes saying, "I 'member the first time I ever talked on a telephone. It was in World War II. Papa was in the Navy. We didn't have the money fer him to come home on leave, but he got lucky in a poker game or something and came up with the money to call us long distance. The only phone in town was at the doctor's house. Mama and my brothers and me went there and waited. Papa called us from Jacksonville. I thought it was a miracle to be able to talk to somebody so far away.

"This here Internet thing is the same kind of miracle. The granddaughter that just emailed me is in Arizona." She looked up and smiled, "Thank you, Miss Loretta. I miss my kids since they moved away. They don't write letters. They call once in a while, but maybe we can stay in closer touch with this email."

Loretta patted her hand and said, "Yes, ma'am. It's cool because you can write long letters telling them about your day and stuff. Or you can send short messages frequently. Next week, I'll show you how to send and receive pictures. I doubt you have digital cameras, but for homework, I want each of you to bring in a picture you'd like to share with your grand kids. We'll work on that next week.

"I guess we're done here today. Thank for coming."

The librarian had set out tea and cookies in the conference room and invited the group to stay for refreshments. Loretta wanted to go straight home and get to work, but she knew that Freddie would throw a fit if Loretta insisted on rushing off.

The old people talked about their neighbors, their pills and their aches and pains. Loretta munched on a dried out grocery store cookie and sipped her tea, trying, without success, to hide her impatience.

After about fifteen minutes, she looked at her watch and said, "Mama, I'm sorry to break up the party, but I have a conference call with a client in forty-five minutes and I have some preparation to do."

The only man in the group looked at her quizzically and asked, "You have conference calls for selling pies?"

Loretta smiled, "No, sir. Pies sell themselves. I run a consulting business, and I have a call scheduled with one of my clients."

"That's impressive, Miss Loretta. So basically you can have meetings over the internet without even having to go to an office."

"Yes, sir. If you're interested, maybe one week before we're done, I'll show you video-conferencing. It's way awesome."

Freddie looked annoyed, but the others seemed to understand that Loretta had to go to work, so no one asked them to stay longer.

In an effort to be conciliatory, once they were on the road, Loretta said, "That was very fun. I loved the fact that we opened up some lines of communication for these folks that they didn't have. Their kids could have showed them all of that, but somehow people don't take the time to teach old people new stuff."

"Maybe they didn't want to learn until they realized that their kin were not going to communicate with them any other way."

"You're probably right. That's the only way I got you started using email and cell phones."

"Yeah, but to your credit, you were always pretty good about calling on the phone, too. Some of these folks hardly ever hear from their kids and they never hear from their grandchildren."

"That's sad."

"Yes, it is. Thanks for doing that, Loretta. I know you're busy, but that was a nice thing to do. I think the people enjoyed it."

"I agree. I enjoyed it, myself. I'm actually looking forward to working with the kids on Saturday morning, too. Miss Landen said that she has a dozen kids signed up, all from the eighth grade."

"How come only the eighth grade."

"I wanted kids who could already read and write, but I don't feel competent to deal with teenagers at least not until I get a little experience around kids. I haven't really been around children since I was one."

"What are you going to teach them? They probably already know how to email."

"They better know how to email if they want to live in the world into which they were born. I plan to work on keyboarding, a little website design and some basic programming. I'm not very good with hardware, but I'm also going to teach them how to set up a new computer, add peripherals and troubleshoot problems."

"Why would they have to know that?"

"Mainly because to live in the world today, you have to know how to use computers, and the more you can do for yourself the less time you'll spend on the phone with some technical support geek from India who can't speak English and doesn't know what the hell he's talking about anyway."

Freddie laughed, "I don't know what you're talking about, but I'm sure you do."

"Yes, I do. You can come with me if you want."

"I'll pass on those classes. I think they'd be way over my head. I only went today to hang out with my friends."

Loretta looked at her watch, "Mama, I have to run upstairs. Would you mind finishing up the pies for today? This call may take a while."

"Sure. Be happy to."

Loretta bolted up the stairs, and did not come back down for more than six hours.

She walked in the kitchen, went straight to the fridge, poured herself a glass of milk and broke off a piece of cornbread. She drank the milk in almost one gulp and sighed. Freddie looked up and said, "You want supper early?"

Loretta ran her hand through her messy hair (she'd obviously been tousling her hair all afternoon), and said, "I missed lunch and I'm starving, but I need some fresh air and I need to stretch my legs. Would you mind if I went for a short walk before we finish up supper."

Freddie looked at her, narrowing her eyes and peering over her glasses, "You look plumb whipped. Go for your walk. I'll have supper ready when you get home. How about some potato soup and a BLT?"

Loretta nodded, "No bacon for me, but potato soup and a tomato and lettuce sandwich would be good. Even better if you have some arugula. I'll be back in an hour."

"You be sure to get back here before dark!"

"Yes, ma'am. I will."

"You know I don't like you wandering around in the woods alone."

"I know you don't, but I'll be safe." She winked and said, "Besides, you know how fast I go. Somebody who's up to no good would have to catch me first."

Freddie didn't look convinced.

Loretta returned in just over an hour, and just before the sun slipped behind the mountains, plunging the back yard into darkness. She raised her eyebrows and looked genuinely sheepish, "That was cutting it too close for comfort, even for me."

Freddie looked up and said irritably, "Then I'll spare you the lecture I've been rehearsing for the last half hour."

"Thanks, Mama. It smells wonderful in here. Let me wash my hands and I'm ready to eat."

"You want tea or a beer?"

Loretta called from the bathroom, "Actually, I'll have water for now."

They ate supper, watched _Dancing with the Stars_ on TV and then Freddie went to bed.

Once Freddie was quiet, Loretta poured herself a large glass of wine and sat down at the laptop in the kitchen, where she checked her personal emails and chatted online with her network of friends. She had told Jackson about the class at the library, and she was pleased to see that he sent her an email inquiring about how it went. She replied with a short note and added that she appreciated his keeping in touch.

On Saturday, she went to the library, set up for her class, and waited. More than a dozen students had signed up for the class – or had been signed up by parents. Only two showed up. One was a boy who clearly did not want to be there. His mother waited for him in the library. It appeared to Loretta she was making sure he didn't run off. He told Loretta his mother was making him take the class because he was getting bad grades and she thought that this might help.

The other student was a girl. Loretta looked into her eyes and saw the reflection of herself at that age. For a moment, she couldn't breathe.

She asked the girl her name. After a long pause, she said, "My name's Juanita Jeffers."

"And why are you here, Juanita? What do you want to learn?"

The girl smiled with a far-off look in her eyes and said, "I want to learn just everything! I think the Internet is amazing. There's so much to see and learn and I don't know where to start."

"What are your favorite subjects in school?"

The girl made a derisive noise in the back of her throat, and said, "I got no use for school. I show up just enough to keep my parents outta trouble with the truant officer."

"How are your grades?"

"I get A's and B's."

She looked at the boy, "Doug, how are your grades?"

"I tole you. Not so good. I failed seventh grade last year. Mama says if I don't pass this year, she's takin' me out of school and sending me to work in the mine in Kentucky where my Pa lives."

Loretta was shocked, but tried not to show it. "Okay, then, is it safe to assume that you two know the basics of how to access the internet and do basic web searches?"

They both nodded. Loretta asked them how they spend their time online. Doug said he spent his time mostly playing the free games on his computer. Juanita said she tended to waste hours surfing randomly.

Loretta said, "You have both already discovered that computers, while they are outstanding tools, can be the biggest time-wasters on the planet. What I want to do here is to teach you some skills that will help you use computers more efficiently and may give you some skills that you can use to make money in the future, either because you will need the skills in regular jobs, or by conducting business directly online. Have either of you ever looked at blogs on the Internet?"

They both nodded, although she wasn't totally convinced that Doug knew what she was talking about. "How would you like to create one of your own?"

Doug looked as though he'd rather go to the dentist. Juanita looked as though someone had just handed her $100. Loretta smiled and winked at Doug, "It's not that hard."

She showed them how to set up a blog account and started walking them through the basics. Juanita stayed about three steps ahead of her. Doug, on the other hand, didn't get it at all. Loretta soon discovered that Doug's problem was that he was almost totally illiterate. She gave Juanita some instructions, and then switched Doug to You-Tube where she found some video instructions for how to set up a simple website. Loretta whispered, "Don't worry about writing content, let's just get the blog set up and then we'll figure out what you want to put on it."

Doug watched the video, and in less than a half an hour he had created his own blog.

Juanita's blog was quite beautiful in a stark and geometric way. Doug's was colorful and wild. Loretta was thrilled with both of them. She said, "Okay, that will do for today. Now, this week I want you to give some thought to what you want your blog to say. Are you going to use words? Pictures? Music? Or some combination. Next week we'll talk about content."

Doug's mother shooed him out the door before Loretta could have a word with her. Juanita settled into a chair in the reading room with a book. Loretta asked, "Is your mother picking you up?"

"Yes, ma'am. She's going to pick me up at 4:30 when she gets off work."

"Did you bring your lunch?"

"No'm. I didn't get up early enough to pack my lunch. Mama had to be at work at 7:00."

"She dropped you off at seven and you'll be here all day?"

"Yes, ma'am. The library is my favorite place. I love to stay here when Mama's at work."

"Well, you have to eat, too. Why don't you come with me to the Inn. We'll have lunch and I'll bring you back here before your Mama gets off work."

"I don't want to be no trouble. I'll be fine here. I skip meals all the time."

Looking at the scrawny kid, Loretta believed that.

"Come on. I'll feed you, then I'll show you my computers. That will blow your mind."

Juanita stood up and said, "You have your own computer at home?"

Loretta looked sheepish and said, "Honey, I have a half a dozen computers. It's truly a sickness with me."

A few minutes later, Loretta and Juanita walked in the front door of the Inn. They were greeted by the smell of baking bread and pork roast. Juanita stopped just inside the door and said, "Oh, ma'am, I didn't know you was making a special occasion meal. I'll come back another time."

Loretta said, "Actually it's not a special occasion. Mama's cooking a pork roast because one of our Sunday regulars asked for pulled pork barbecue for tomorrow's dinner. Mama's cooking the meat in the oven rather than smoking it, but I think it'll still be okay. Come on. We'll have a sandwich and then I'll show you my room."

Freddie looked surprised when Loretta walked in with the child, but didn't say anything. Loretta was shocked at how much Juanita ate. She gave every appearance of someone who was not skipping meals voluntarily. After the child pushed back from the table, Loretta said, "You think you can walk up three flights or are you too full?"

"Ma'am, I'm way too full to walk up the stairs."

"In that case, you'll have to wait for another time to see my computers. What do you say we walk back to town. That's downhill, so it shouldn't be to much for you and it will help you not feel so full. I'll take my camera and we can take some pictures for your blog and Doug's."

"How're you going to get home?"

"I'll walk."

"That must be a couple of miles round trip. That's awful far."

"Honey, I walk about eight to ten miles a day. I won't even break a sweat for two."

She dropped Juanita off at the library, and then headed for the trail and walked for another couple of hours. When she finally got home, Freddie was sitting on the porch, shelling peas.

"Why did you bring that little gal home."

"Because she hadn't had breakfast and wasn't going to get lunch. Her mama wasn't picking her up until after 4:30."

"You know who her family is?"

"No. Should I?"

"I guess not. They moved here after you left. Not too many people have moved into the area, but some."

"What's their story?"

"I'm not 100% sure. It's just the little girl and her mama. Her mama works at the Walmart where we buy our groceries. The little girl has always kind of fended for herself. They live out beyond the high school in the old Jeffers place."

"She said her name is Jeffers."

"I'm not sure what the relationship is. I don't think the mother abuses her, at least I've never heard of anything like that, but she sure is neglected. Be careful. You pick up a stray like that you may have a hard time getting rid of her."

"That's rather unkind, Mama, although I do know what you mean."

"What about your other students."

"The only other kid who showed up was Doug Ponder. His mother brought him against his will in the hope that it would help him do better in school."

"You think it will?"

"I don't know what I can do for him. He can't read or write. I showed him how to use U-Tube to get video information. Problem is you still have to be able to write at least a little to put in searches. I'm going to have to do some research to see if I can find some websites that might help him learn to read."

"Nobody else showed up?"

"No, ma'am."

Freddie said, "I'm sorry about that, Loretta. I know how you were looking forward to helping the kids."

A couple of days later, Freddie said, "Friday night's the homecoming game at the high school."

"Oh, yeah?"

"You planning to go?"

"Now, Mama, have you ever known me to attend a football game?"

"No. I guess I was kind of hoping that you might make an exception. This year is my 50th class reunion. We're going to be in the homecoming parade. We rented a flatbed truck. One of my classmate's kid is a farmer. They're fixing the truck up with pumpkins and bales of hay, like an old-fashioned hayride. We're going to ride in the Homecoming parade."

"Where the hell does a parade go in this town?"

"Well the Memorial Day parade starts at the high school and goes to the cemetery. The Homecoming Parade starts at the athletic field the Rotary built, and ends at the high school."

Loretta laughed. "That's like, what, three quarters of a mile?"

"About that."

"I thought you might want to go and take pictures. I think it would be fun to put some pictures up on our website."

"Okay, I'll go the parade and take your picture, but I'm not going to the derned football game."

"Then how am I going to get home?"

"You're going to the football game?"

"I haven't been to a regular game since my hip got bad, but I have never missed a Homecoming."

Loretta sighed, "Okay. I'll take you to Homecoming. Can I sit with you?"

"No. You have to sit with your own class."

Loretta didn't say anything. She wondered if the same hiding places were still available that she used to use when her parents dragged her to football games when she was a kid.

On Friday afternoon Loretta contemplated taking a flask with her, like most of the other adults and half of the students would have in their pockets. She decided against it because she wanted to keep all her faculties in order to avoid expressing her true opinion of the event that would land her in hot water.

She dropped her mother off at the athletic field and then parked the car at the high school. After that, she walked back down the parade route and found a spot in the front row near the police station. A few people spoke to her. She answered politely, but didn't initiate or invite any actual conversations. She killed time taking pictures of the changing color of the sky as the sun slipped behind the mountains.

Her phone rang. She answered without looking at the number, half expecting it to be Freddie checking to make sure she hadn't gone home. "Hello, Miss Loretta? This is Jackson Shepherd. How are you?"

"I'm fine! How are you? Haven't heard from you lately."

"Did you drop off of Facebook?"

"Yeah, I did. I have plenty of online networking. I find Facebook very annoying."

"I wish you had told me that. No wonder you haven't answered my message."

"If you want an answer, text or email me. I'm a bit of an old-fashioned nerd."

"Where are you? Did I interrupt a party?"

"You wouldn't believe me if I told you."

"What are you doing?"

"I'm waiting for the Homecoming Parade. Mama's class is riding on a float. After this, I'm going to the Homecoming Game."

Jackson laughed so hard he dropped the phone and disconnected the line. Loretta called him back and said, "It's not than damned funny."

"Yes it is and you know it."

"OK, it's hilarious. I'll laugh about it tomorrow. Tonight I'm just annoyed as hell. So, to what do I owe the pleasure of your call."

"Actually, my main reason for calling was to ask if you were mad at me because you haven't responded to my Facebook messages. But, I also want to know if you have a vacancy over the weekend. I suddenly find myself off tomorrow and Sunday. If you can accommodate me, I'd like to come tomorrow and check out midday on Monday."

"That should be no problem. We have people scheduled for next weekend, but this weekend we're all empty. I can give you the same room you had the last time, if that's okay. Same price."

"Seems to me you could charge more, what with the leaves being so pretty."

"Yeah, I probably could, but I won't. You can just leave Mama a nice tip."

"Okay, then. I need to get back to work. I'll see you tomorrow. I can't wait to see your photos of the the Big Game."

"Shut up. Come hungry. We're making pulled pork this weekend."

"What kind of pies you contemplate serving?"

"I've got a cherry pie and a Dutch apple already made. I'm guessing I'll be making a peanut butter pie before I go to bed tonight."

"Don't go to any special trouble."

"You're my best customer, you get the VIP treatment."

"Thanks. I'll see you tomorrow."

"I'm looking forward to it."

Loretta hung up and sent a text message to her mother announcing the news of their weekend guest. Freddie responded with a happy greeting and mentioned that the parade was under way."

Loretta took photos of all the floats, as well as the school classes, the VFW color guard and fire truck.

After the parade passed, she put her camera in her pocket and turned to go to the school.

A deep voice behind her said, "Miss Loretta Russell. I declare. You sure do make yourself scarce."

She turned around and looked up into the eyes of a man she thought she ought to know, but couldn't remember. She knew that was going to get her in trouble. "I stay busy baking pies and running my business. I don't get out much." She laughed hoping to get him to give away his identity by adding, "But, then, I guess you know I never did."

He chuckled and said, "You don't remember me, do you?"

She looked down, shook her head and straightened her lips, "No, I'm sorry. I don't."

"Roy Ashbury."

At first that name meant nothing to her. Then she remembered he was kind of the big man on campus when she was in high school. It was no surprise that she wouldn't remember him. They had never exchanged any conversation other than her occasionally excusing herself for bumping into him with her locker door, which was next to his one year. "Oh, yeah, I remember. I hope bruises I gave you with my locker door have healed."

"Yeah, they have. What have you been doing with yourself?"

"Like I said, I'm helping Mama with the inn, and I have my own business."

"Doing what?"

"Consulting. What do you do?"

"Well, after high school, I went the the University of Tennessee and played football there. After college, I was drafted into the NFL. I played ten years in the pros. You didn't know that?"

"I'm sorry. I don't really follow sports."

"I figured your mama would have mentioned it."

"She may have, but, as I said, I never have really been interested in sports, so it would have kind of gone in one ear and out the other. What did you do after the NFL? You weren't hurt, were you?"

He laughed, "No, but thanks for acting concerned. I didn't get hurt, I just sucked. I went to the Canadian Football League for a while, but I got too old. Now, I'm an over the road truck driver."

"You still live here?"

"I moved back a couple of years ago. Papa died. Mama was getting old. My divorce cleaned me out of what was left of all the money I made playing football. Seemed like the thing to do. Mama died last year and I intended to sell the house and move back to Knoxville. Unfortunately, I can't find a buyer, and I can't see paying house payments in Knoxville, when I own this place free and clear."

"That makes sense." She looked at her watch. "I promised Mama I'd actually show up for the game and take pictures of her group. You mind if we head that way?"

"Where's your car?"

"I parked it at the school."

"You gonna walk all the way to the high school?"

She laughed, "It's less than a mile."

"You always were strange."

"I won't argue with that, but I fail to see why it's strange for someone to like to get out and walk around in the beautiful mountain fresh air. As an athlete, I'd think you'd want to do the same." She regretted that immediately. His big belly and puffy eyes, spoke of too many fast food dinners eaten behind the wheel, and, probably, too many beers at the end of the day. They walked slowly.

He changed the subject. "You married?"

"No."

"Kids?"

"Nope."

"How come?"

She shook her head. "Never found anybody who wanted to marry me. I'm strange, remember?"

"I heard you went up north to college."

"Yes."

"I heard you went to MIT."

"Yes."

"Most people would probably brag about that."

"It was a long time ago."

"They say you also lived in California."

"Yes."

"Plenty of strange people out there. I'd think you might have found someone to marry."

"Well, my circle of acquaintances in California consisted almost entirely of nerdy guys who were my colleagues and friends. Most were much younger than me. I've never seen myself as a cougar."

He laughed. "Sounds like a lonely life."

"Actually it isn't. I'm very happy."

"How is that possible?"

"I do work I love for clients I respect and admire. I have a wonderful network of colleagues that spans the globe, and at the end of the day, I get to eat supper that I cook with Mama. I'm actually very content."

"I hear you make great pies."

"We do. Mama and I are a great team. We serve supper on Sunday for the locals. It's a steal at $10 a head, and that includes a glass of Mama's special punch. Let us know by Thursday afternoon any week if you'd like to join us so we can have enough food."

"I'll pass on the old-folks Sunday Suppers. How about I stop by sometime for a piece of pie and a cup of coffee kind of neighbor-like."

"You mean on the house?"

"I'll pay if you insist."

"Stop buy for a free sample slice and a cup of coffee. If you like the pie, you can buy one."

They arrived at the football field. He paid for her admission, over her objections. He said, "Are you sitting with your class?"

"I probably won't sit very much. I'm taking pictures for Mama to post on her website. I think I'll probably keep on the move."

"Why don't you want to sit with the classes?"

"Well, for one thing, I promised Mama I'd take a lot of pictures. For another thing, I know nothing about the game of football, so I wouldn't know what I was looking at if I sat down to watch. Lastly, I do not now and never have known the words to the fight song, and I'm almost certain that would land me in trouble with some of the more active members of the alumni association."

He shook his head. "How long you planning to stay here?"

"As long as Mama needs me, and I don't see her getting any younger anytime soon."

"You sorry you came back?"

"No, I'm not. I actually like it here a lot. I love spending time in that beautiful house with my mother. I have a mountain range in my back yard. It's beautiful here."

"But you don't think too much of the people."

"On the contrary. The people here are wonderful folks. Salt of the earth folks. There's no better people anywhere I've ever been."

"Then why do you stay away from everybody all the time and look down your nose at us yokels?"

"That's actually two questions. First, I do not look down my nose at anybody. Ever. I stay to myself because that is my nature. That is not the same thing as being snooty. "

"People think it is."

"People are wrong about that." She looked up and waved at her mother, "I need to go and take some pictures of Mama's group. Please, stop by for coffee and pie some evening." She grinned, "We usually eat supper about 5:30 and there's always plenty. If you were to show up about then, you wouldn't go away hungry. After all, you paid for my admission to the game. I figure I owe you. See ya." She hurried off and left him standing there with his hands in his pockets.

Loretta stayed on the move all evening and took dozens of photos of the game and the crowd, mainly for something to do. Near the end of the game a kid tapped her on the shoulder and said, "Ma'am, you got a good camera there. I'm the school yearbook editor. Would you be willin' to share some of your pitchures?"

"Sure. Give me your email address and I'll send you the best ones." He scribbled his number on the back of one of Loretta's business cards and she slid it into her pocket.

Near the end of the game, she bought a bottle of water from one of the booster trailers and stood at the end of the bleachers. The band was lining up for the end-of-game song. The crowd was going crazy. For the first time she checked the scoreboard and realized that the home team was two points behind with under two minutes to play. It took her a few minutes to realize that the home team had the ball. She had no idea what was going on, having never watched a football game in her life, but the crowd was going berserk, and Loretta picked up on the excitement.

She was standing behind the end zone, and the plays were coming in her direction. She reached into her camera bag and clipped on a telephoto lens. She started snapping pictures of whoever had the ball, to the extent she could tell. She ended up with some great action shots. When the ball-carrier crossed the goal line with ten seconds to go, the crowd erupted and Loretta caught the moment. Then she turned to go find her mother.

Roy Ashbury was standing at the end of the bleachers, watching her, shaking his head. She smiled at him and said, "I guess that was a good game. I sure as heck got some great pictures."

He said, "What the fuck kind of a person watches the end of the biggest game this school has won in years, snaps a few pictures and, then, just walks away!?"

She made a face, "The kind of person who has never watched a football game before, so she didn't know that it was such a big deal."

He turned and walked away without saying anything else. Loretta figured she'd never see him again, and that was pretty much okay with her. She didn't mean to be impolite, but she got a negative vibe from him that made her uncomfortable.

She found her mother in the middle of a crowd of old people whooping and hollering. She made her way through the crowd and said, "Mama, we'd better go. You've had a long day."

Freddie looked at Loretta as though she had two heads, "I'm not going home, now. We just won the game that's putting us in the regional playoffs. We're going to the Burger Hut for hamburgers and milk-shakes to celebrate."

Loretta said, "Mama...."

Freddie's withering look silenced her and she helped her mother through the crowd and toward the car. Once they got in the car, Freddie said, "I expect you to eat a burger and a milk-shake and at least pretend that you are not bored and disgusted by this whole scene."

Loretta said, "I'll order chili cheese fries and a glass of sweet tea. I will mush the fries around on my plate so it looks like I ate some. I will drink the tea. Then we will go home."

"You are determined not to have any fun in your life, aren't you?"

"I actually had a great time tonight. I took some awesome pictures, and I can't wait for you to see them. The yearbook kid asked me to share them with him for the yearbook. Hell, Mama, I may get photo credits in the yearbook! Wouldn't that be cool? I had a good time. But, you also know I get up at 5:00 AM and so I'm not really interested in closing up the Burger Hut."

Freddie didn't respond.

The restaurant was packed. Someone had saved Freddie a seat with her group, but no one had thought to save a seat for Loretta. She stood there for a minute looking awkward when one of the old men who was always trying to make time with Freddie said, "Loretta, you don't need to wait for your mama, I'll bring her home when we're done. You can go on home, Gal."

Loretta looked at her mother with a cross between relief and shame. She really didn't want to stay, but she was hurt by being dismissed so casually.

Freddie looked into her eyes and Loretta knew her mother saw both emotions. She said, "Go ahead, Sugar. I'll be along directly."

Loretta drove home with emotions roiling. Upon arriving home, she retreated to the kitchen to mix up a peanut butter pie for Jackson, and she started to feel better. She really did feel emotionally safer and more comfortable alone at home than with the crazed crowd at the Burger Hut. Her mother was having a great time with her friends. There was no reason that Loretta had to stay through all that commotion. She put the pie in the freezer and then went upstairs to make up Jackson's room. Finally, she dusted the furniture in the living room and parlor.

When she had finished, she poured a glass of milk and sat down with a book to wait for her mother.

Freddie came in a little after eleven, limping badly and looking gaunt. Loretta got up to help her mother to her room.

Freddie said, "I guess I overdid it. I'm going to pay for it tomorrow."

Loretta helped her mother out of her clothes and into her nightgown. She tucked her into bed and whispered, "The question is: did you have a good time?"

"I haven't had so much fun in ages."

Loretta kissed her mother on the forehead and said, "Then it was worth it. Sleep late tomorrow. Jackson's arriving in the late morning. I have his room all made up, and a pie in the freezer. He'll probably want to go for a walk when he arrives. I'll bring you breakfast in bed. Then we'll have a late lunch once you get moving."

Freddie looked up into Loretta's eyes and said, "Thank you."

"It's nothing."

"I mean thank you for going to the Homecoming. It meant a lot to me that you were there. I saw you talking to people and taking a lot of pictures."

"Yeah, but I caught hell because I missed the significance of that final touchdown play."

"You must be the only Southern gal in America who doesn't know anything about football."

"Probably. I got some fantastic photos for you to post on your blog. That reminds me. I promised to email them to the kid from the yearbook." She kissed her mother again and said, "See you tomorrow, Mama." She put her mother's cell phone on the bedside table. "Call me if you need me."

Loretta got up early the next morning, threw in a load of laundry, put several loaves of cold-rise bread in the fridge, and went for a walk. Then she drove to the library for the kids' class. She arrived at five minutes till ten. There was no one there but the librarian. She told Loretta she probably should have canceled the class what with Homecoming. Loretta doubted that either the Ponders or the Jeffers were involved in the celebrations. When no one had showed by ten after ten, the librarian told Loretta she should just go home.

She had just put the bread in the oven and started browning meat for a pot of chili when Freddie came out in her bathrobe about 10:30. Loretta got her situated at the table and poured her a cup of coffee.

"You want eggs for breakfast, Mama?"

"No thanks. I ate so much last night, I shouldn't be hungry for a week. I'll just have a muffin." Loretta had loaded her photos onto the laptop, and Freddie studied them. "Your pictures are really good."

"They did turn out good. I can't wait for Jackson to see them. He told me when he was here before that my nature pictures are good, but my pictures of people suck. I concentrated on taking candid shots of people last night and I think a lot of them turned out good."

"Your action shots of the game are very good."

"I'm proud of them."

Jackson arrived a little after eleven, with apologies for being too early. Loretta shooed him into the kitchen and poured him a cup of coffee. He looked at Loretta's pictures with Freddie for a while. Then he stood up and stretched. "If you don't mind. I'd like to go for a walk before lunch."

Loretta smiled. "I figured you would. Which is good because I got a late start with the chili, and it won't be ready for a while.

"Your room is ready if you want to change."

Freddie got up slowly and said, "I think I'll lie back down for a while."

"You want a pain pill, Mama?"

"Yes. I think I will."

Loretta helped her mother to bed while Jackson changed. He came into the kitchen as Loretta was coming out of her mother's room. "She doesn't look too good."

"She overdid it last night at the game. Afterward she and her classmates went to the Burger Hut for milkshakes. She didn't get home until late."

"And what were you doing?"

"I was making a peanut butter pie at the time." She grinned up at him.

He smiled back at her and inclined his head in thanks. "You feel like a walk?"

"You sure you don't mind?"

"I'd love your company."

They walked for an hour and a half, much more slowly than either of them was used to. They stopped to take pictures and to examine plants and flowers. They took pictures of the same things and then compared them, remarking on how different they were.

When they got back to the house, Freddie was up, watching TV in the living room. She said, "I waited until you got back to take my shower. If you'll excuse me, I'd like to do that before we eat lunch."

Jackson said, "Good idea. I think I'll do the same."

Loretta stirred the chili and popped a pan of cornbread in the oven.

## Chapter 10

Jackson thought it was odd how the weekend sped by even though he didn't really do anything but eat, walk and read. He felt comfortable in the house, and happy to be wandering through the woods in the quiet for hours. Something about the peace of the mountains soothed his soul, which took a daily beating at the hospital.

When he wasn't walking the trails on Sunday, he spent the day at the kitchen table, watching Loretta and Freddie bustling around preparing dinner for the Sunday crowd. He tried to stay out of the way, while staying close enough to watch them work. They were amazing. They never seemed to discuss what they were going to do next. They both instinctively knew what needed to be done and did it as naturally as walking across a floor. He thought there was something marvelous about watching great cooks at work.

His main role during dinner was to serve as an audience for the old people's stories. He didn't mention that he had heard some of the stories the last time he visited. He laughed where he was supposed to laugh and expressed surprise and amazement as appropriate, when the storyteller paused for a reaction. At one point during dinner he caught Loretta watching him. She smiled and winked. He grinned at her. He somehow knew that he was giving her a break, because she probably filled the role of "audience" when no one else was there.

The dinner crowd left by six. Loretta cleaned up the kitchen, while Jackson and Freddie drank coffee and talked. Jackson noticed that Freddie had seemed a little more chipper during the day on Sunday, but she was tiring rapidly. He said, "Freddie, why don't you get comfortable in your jammies. You look tired."

"I am tired. I think I'll go on to bed. Loretta, I'm sorry I've been no help in cleaning up."

"No problem, Mama. I needed to move around after that big dinner, and it's dark outside so I couldn't go for a walk. All I have left is to sweep the floor."

Jackson stood up, "Go get your Mama squared away. I can at least sweep up."

Loretta put her hands on her hips and said, "You will do no such thing! You are our guest. Go sit down in the living room. You want a drink?"

"Yes. I know where the bourbon is. I'll make a drink and sit like a good boy."

Freddie patted his arm and said good-night. He leaned over and kissed her on the cheek. "If you did your physical therapy exercises a little more regularly, you wouldn't be so stiff."

Loretta chuckled.

Freddie looked at her daughter and asked, "Did you put him up to that?"

Before Loretta could answer, Jackson shook his head and said, "I'm a doctor. I can tell when patients are following instructions and when they're not."

Freddie made a face and went into her room. Loretta followed her and came back out a few minutes later. She swept the kitchen floor and prepared the coffee pot for the next morning. Then she joined Jackson in the parlor. He was reading.

"Am I interrupting?"

"Not at all. I was waiting for you."

They talked for a while, but both of them had gotten up early, and soon their yawns exceeded their conversation.

Jackson stood up and said, "We're a couple of real live wires, aren't we?"

She walked around the room, turning off lights and said, "If I didn't know better, I'd say we were a couple of old farts."

"More like exhausted young people."

She sighed and smiled, "Sleepy anyway."

They walked up the stairs together. She stopped by his door and said, "Extra towels and blankets are in the hall closet. I put water and snacks in your room. Coffee will be on by 5:30. I'm probably going to go for a walk at daybreak. After that, I'll make your breakfast whenever you want."

He didn't say anything. He just looked at her. It almost seemed that he had never seen her before. She was lovely. He leaned forward and kissed her softly on the lips. Then he looked into her eyes again. At first he saw surprise, and a second emotion that looked a little like fear. Then he saw the timid but eager look he had hoped for. That was when he took her into his arms and kissed her, long and slow and hard.

She responded.

When it was over, she leaned her head on his shoulder and inhaled deeply. He couldn't tell if it was because she was breathless from the kiss or because she was smelling his scent. He didn't care. He held her tight for a few minutes until her breathing returned to normal. Then he whispered into her hair, "Good-night, Sugar."

She looked directly into his eyes. Jackson realized that they were almost exactly the same height. Then she smiled, kissed him lightly on the cheek and said with a silky, seductive voice that surprised him, "Sweet dreams."

Loretta had already left for her walk by the time Jackson headed out the back door in the morning. They met up on the trail about forty-five minutes later and walked the last mile together. When they walked in the door, holding hands, Freddie was sitting at the table drinking coffee. Loretta dropped his hand the minute she saw her mother, but Jackson could tell that Freddie had noticed. He thought he detected a hint of a smile around the corner of Freddie's mouth.

The three of them ate breakfast together. Then Jackson said, "As much as I hate to break up the party, I have to be at work by three this afternoon, so I'd better run along." He took out his credit card and handed it to Freddie. "Would you check me out while I go to get my bag."

Freddie laughed and said, "You seem so at home here, I kind of hate to charge you." After a pause she quipped, "But, I will."

Loretta started digging around in the pantry. When Jackson came back downstairs, he finished his transaction with Freddie. Loretta packed up a bag of goodies, including the remaining peanut butter pie, well wrapped in layers of foil. She handed the bag to Jackson and said, "You can't leave without your care package. No charge. You help us get rid of leftovers."

"You've been saving leftovers for me?"

"I save leftovers, period. You're just somebody I think would benefit from them."

"Would you walk me to my car?"

"Sure."

When they were around the side of the house, Jackson hugged her and kissed her cheek. "Thanks for everything. I'll call you when I get home."

"I would appreciate that. Come again soon."

"I will. As soon as I have another two days off in a row."

She leaned forward and kissed him on the mouth.

He heard a car pass by and slow down. He looked at Loretta. Her eyes were closed and a look of annoyance danced across her face before she recovered and looked back at him with a gentle smile in her eyes.

He said, "Sorry if you're likely to have a hard time about that."

"I'm not sorry. Maybe people will leave me alone about my spinsterish lifestyle. You may have just done me a huge favor."

He narrowed his eyes and gave her what he hoped was a seductive and not stupid look, "You want me to do it again?"

She grinned and shook her head, "Let's not get carried away. Go. You need to get those goodies in your fridge before you go to work."

As he drove away, he glanced in his rear view mirror. She was standing in the driveway waving, with her other hand on her lips.

## Chapter 11

On Monday Loretta went to the library to teach her computer class for the seniors. All anybody could talk about was the Homecoming game and how much fun everyone had. Loretta showed them her pictures and they each chose a couple of photos to send to their families. She showed them how to scan printed photos on the library scanners, save them to their computers, and send them to their families. She also showed them how to send links to websites.

While they were having their refreshments after the class, one of the ladies, who was also a Sunday Supper regular at the Inn, asked Loretta about "that handsome young man" who joined them for dinner on Sunday."

Everybody's ears perked up. Loretta tried to gloss it over. "He's a doctor from Asheville. He's been ordering pies from us once a month or so, and sometimes when he gets a couple of days off, he comes over here to kind of unwind. He works in the emergency room at a hospital, which is evidently a pressure cooker of a job."

One of the other ladies said, "I think I know who you mean. He stopped at the grocery store for a cold drink on Monday. He's so handsome, and seems nice. South Carolina accent would be my guess."

Loretta said, "That's right. He's from the Piedmont, inland from Charleston."

Someone else asked if he was single. Loretta told them he was. The entire group grinned and told Loretta she had a real opportunity there. Loretta shrugged it off. One of the ladies said, in a very kind tone, "Well, you know, honey, you're not getting any younger. This kind of opportunity doesn't come along every day. You should take advantage of it."

Loretta knew they did not mean to be unkind. They were simply making conversation, in the way that old women have talked to young women since humans learned to talk. Nevertheless, it made her mad. She gritted her teeth and tried to say something non-committal. She knew, however, that they could tell she was annoyed. She was grateful that Freddie had not joined the group that day. Anyone else in town would have giggled and blushed and told the group about her flirtation with Jackson. Loretta would never divulge such private information, especially private information that she cherished so deeply. She left the library in a state of annoyance that she only managed to shake after a long, fast walk in the woods.

A few days later, Loretta came in from a trip to the store, and found Freddie on the phone. Loretta put away the groceries while her mother finished her conversation. When she hung up, Freddie said, "That was odd. You didn't tell me that you talked to Roy Ashbury at the game Friday night."

"Who?"

"Roy Ashbury. You talked to him at the parade and then went to the game with him. He says you invited him to dinner."

"Oh, yeah. I forgot. He wanted to try our pie. I told him I'd give him a free sample. He's evidently divorced or something and lives alone. He told me he's an over the road trucker. That's a hard and lonely life. I told him to consider coming for one of our Sunday Suppers sometime." She looked at her mother with a sheepish expression and added, "I didn't think you'd mind."

"I don't mind. I just think it's strange that you talked to a man and didn't mention it to me."

"I talk to men all the time, Mama. You want a report on all those conversations."

"You know what I mean! Anyway, he wants to come for supper tomorrow night. I told him to be here at 5:30."

"Okay." She looked in the fridge and said, "I picked up a large pack of chicken thighs planning to make chicken soup. How about I make barbecue chicken. We'll have baked beans and mac 'n' cheese with it. And peach pie for dessert."

"That sounds good. What's he like?"

"I thought you'd know him."

"I know who he is, but he lived away from here for a long time. He only moved back a couple of years ago when his mama was sick. He's not home very much because of his job, so nobody really knows much about him. He doesn't go to church and doesn't appear to hang out in any of the local places. People were surprised when he showed up at Homecoming."

Loretta thought about it. "I don't know what to say. He seemed kind of sad to me. I don't think he likes living here, but he told me he hasn't been able to sell his mama's house." She shrugged, "I guess I didn't pay much attention to him. I was busy taking pictures while he was talking. Truth be told, I mainly made the invitation to dinner as a way to get rid of him so I could wander around. He wanted me to sit with him and watch the game. I didn't want to do that."

Freddie closed her eyes and rubbed her forehead. Loretta pretended not to notice.

The next evening, Roy arrived punctually at 5:30. Loretta did not offer him a cocktail. She served him sweet tea, and left him in the parlor instead of inviting him into the kitchen. Freddie joined him and made small talk while Loretta finished the last minute dinner preparations. They ate in the dining room.

Freddie and Roy did virtually all the talking. She asked him about the places he went on his job. He explained that he had a regular route from Knoxville to south Florida and back, delivering manufactured goods on the southbound leg of the trip, and bringing back citrus and other food items on the return trip.

Loretta commented, "With all those perishables, I'll bet you barely stop on the way home."

He laughed, "You're right. I know how to avoid all the weigh stations, and I frequently drive straight through."

Loretta said, "Isn't there a limit to how many hours you can spend on the road without taking a break?"

"Yeah. But, they can't fine me if they don't catch me."

"Doesn't your employer look at your trip log or whatever you use?"

"No. I'm an independent operator. The companies I drive for simply take delivery of the merchandise I deliver. They don't know and don't care how I get it to them."

Loretta sighed, "Maybe it's because I hate to drive, but that sounds awful to me. You pass through beautiful places, but you can't stop to enjoy them. You pass through Florida a couple of times a week. When was the last time you saw the ocean."

"I've never seen the ocean."

Loretta was truly shocked, "Never?"

"When I was a kid, we never had the money to go on vacation. Now, I've got the money, but when I get days off, I spend them fishing or hunting around here. I don't want to drive any where. You're right. I travel I-95 almost all the way to Miami a couple of times a week. There are places where I'm only a few miles from the Atlantic Ocean, but I never been able to take the time to see it."

Freddie said, "Perhaps sometime you should take a day or so between when you drop off the manufactured goods and when you pick up the perishables. Rest up at the beach."

"Yeah. That sounds like a good idea."

Somehow Loretta knew that he wouldn't do it. Freddie tried a couple of other topics. He seemed to have no interests other than fishing and hunting, which were subjects neither Freddie nor Loretta could talk about.

He ate a huge supper and finished it off with two large pieces of pie. Freddie sent him home with some leftover chicken and macaroni, as well as the rest of the pie.

After he left, Freddie was quiet, which Loretta thought was odd. She said, "Is something wrong, Mama?"

"I can't quite put my finger on it, but there's something about that man that bothers me. He's a local, and I've never heard anything bad about him. There's just something about him that doesn't seem quite right."

"He's a lonely man with no interests. I think he's kind of pathetic."

Freddie looked at her daughter and said, "That's rather unkind."

"I'm sorry. I guess I have a hard time understanding how someone could have so little interest in the world around them."

Freddie looked at her daughter with an odd expression. "I had the impression he's somewhat interested in you."

"Me? Why in the hell would he be interested in me? We have nothing in common."

"You said almost nothing during the meal. You cooked it, served it and cleaned up afterward. The food was fabulous. He might have the impression that you are kind of a traditional sort of Southern gal. That might have something to do with his coming around."

"You mean he's looking for a wife?"

"That would be my guess."

"Then somebody needs to disabuse him of any notion that I'd be a potential candidate for the job."

"Yes. Somebody should do that."

Loretta finished cleaning up the kitchen, mixed up some pie crust to roll out in the morning, and headed off to her room to read for a while before going to bed. She didn't give Roy Ashbury another thought.

The following Saturday, no children showed up for her class again. Loretta went to the school on Monday and spoke to the teacher. She told Loretta that she couldn't discuss any of the students' educational needs. She said she encouraged them to attend Loretta's class, but that was all she could do. Loretta subsequently did some online research on sites to help people learn to read. She called Doug's mother and tried to discuss it with her. The woman was outraged that Loretta would "accuse" her son of being stupid. Loretta told the woman she didn't think he was stupid, he just couldn't read. She offered to help. The woman told her to butt out and leave her family alone. She hung up.

Then Loretta called Juanita's house. Juanita answered the phone. Loretta asked why she hadn't been back to the class. She told Loretta her mother wouldn't let her come back because Loretta had offered her charity. She was not allowed to come back to the class and she was pretty sure her mother wouldn't want her to talk to Loretta on the phone.

Loretta was deeply troubled by both conversations. She did not mention them to her mother because she had a strong feeling her mother would side with the children's parents. Loretta couldn't figure out why it was okay for everybody in town to tell her how to live her life, but if she offered to help someone, she was in the wrong. She told the librarian she'd be available for individual tutoring if anybody requested it, but she was going to let the children's class go. The librarian understood and said it was probably for the best.

The class for seniors, however, became so popular that she started a second beginners class. She introduced the "advanced" group to Facebook and the next thing she knew her entire class was spending half the day uploading photos and updating their statuses. They started a Facebook group and spent untold hours sharing jokes and photos online. Loretta thought that was a good hobby for them, especially with winter coming and some of her students living fairly far up in the hills. It would cut down on their isolation. She tried to get Freddie to join the group, but she insisted she didn't want any part of Facebook. Loretta suspected that Freddie didn't want to have to admit that online socializing might actually be fun.

A few weeks before Thanksgiving, Jackson sent an email to Loretta asking what their plans were for the holiday. She said she and Freddie were making a traditional Thanksgiving dinner for about a dozen people from the community. He called her the next day and asked if she could make room for him. She said, "You know you're always welcome here, Jackson. But, I'd think you'd be going home to spend the holiday with your family."

"I'm off on Wednesday and Thursday, but I have to be at work on Friday by three PM and I'm on duty all weekend."

"That sounds like a killer schedule."

"You have no idea. The only two weekends of the year that are busier in the ER are New Years and the Super Bowl."

"Mixing alcohol, family dynamics and an aggressive sport like football is a bad combination, I take it."

"You got it. Anyway, I don't have time to go to South Carolina for the holiday. And, I don't really want to. My oldest sister is the matriarch of the family now. She's having something like forty people over to her house so she can butt into their affairs and tell them how to run their lives. I actually volunteered to work the weekend."

"You're bad."

"That's a case of the pot calling the kettle black!"

She changed the subject. "You want a pecan pie or are you good with pumpkin and mince meat."

"Pumpkin is fine. I wouldn't touch a mince meat pie if you paid me."

"Me either, but Mama insists. Mama eats one piece of it. Usually a couple of other people taste it, and then we'll throw the rest of it out. Mince pie is kind of like fruitcake, nobody likes it but it's become part of the holiday landscape. We'll have plenty of pumpkin pie, and probably a couple of sweet potato pies, as well."

"I'll come hungry."

The next few weeks flew by in a pre-holiday flurry of shopping and cleaning and cooking. Loretta knew that she was putting more effort into the meal because she knew Jackson was coming. Ordinarily that would have annoyed her, but she found that she sort of liked the way he made her feel. She got into the habit of keeping her cell phone in her pocket all the time because Jackson sent her text messages periodically, just to check in. She felt like a giddy school girl, but for once in her life she decided to go with the flow and see what might happen. She didn't mention it to her mother, but she knew her mother well enough to know that Freddie was following the process closely. She was pretty sure Freddie was amused. And pleased.

A week before Thanksgiving Roy Ashbury called. Loretta answered the phone. He said that someone had told him they were hosting a Thanksgiving dinner at the Inn. She told him that was correct. They were having a traditional, family-style Thanksgiving dinner. The cost was $18 per person. He asked if they had sent out invitations. She laughed, "No. Actually it kind of just happened. One of our Sunday regulars asked if we were cooking on Thanksgiving. Mama told them we were, and then they all said they wanted to come. We figured out a budget and then word spread. I think we have a dozen or so people coming."

"Do you have room for one more?"

Loretta hesitated, "I'm sure we do, but the Inn is Mama's and I defer to her on all decisions about reservations for rooms and meals. Would it be okay if I had her call you back to confirm?"

"I guess so, if you don't have the authority to make a simple reservation."

She ignored his sarcasm, and said, "What's your number?"

He gave it to her and hung up.

When Freddie got up from her nap, Loretta gave her the message. Neither of them really wanted Ashbury to come to dinner, but it was a public event that people were paying for, and they both knew he'd spend the day alone if they didn't invite him. Against her better judgment, Freddie called him back and confirmed his reservation.

Jackson arrived mid-morning on Wednesday. Freddie and Loretta were in the final stages of cleaning and decorating the house for the holiday. They shooed him out for a walk. When he returned, the house was even more immaculate than usual, and there were fall floral arrangements on the tables, and candles everywhere.

Loretta and her mother had moved into the kitchen and were baking pies. They had a virtual assembly line going. Jackson whistled, "Is that just for us?"

Freddie said, "Yes. Counting you, we have fourteen people, so we decided we needed a bunch of pies."

Loretta chimed in, "And we are way behind schedule because we had so many online orders for holiday pies, we've been scrambling. Between Saturday and yesterday, we shipped four dozen pies. I gotta tell you if I don't see another pumpkin pie until next November, it'll be fine with me. I don't even think I'll eat any for dessert tomorrow."

Freddie laughed, "You say that now. There have been years when I think you ate nothing but pumpkin pie on Thanksgiving."

Jackson poured a glass of tea and pulled up a chair.

Loretta looked at him and asked, "You want some lunch?"

"I'm kind of hungry but I don't want to interrupt you. Would you mind if I dig around in the fridge?"

Loretta grinned. "There's a plate of cold cuts, cheese and fruit, and a loaf of bread next to it."

Jackson grinned and then winked at her, "Gal, you'd better quit spoiling me so."

Loretta beamed, blushed and then mumbled, "Or what?"

He tousled her hair as he walked past her and said softly, "I'm not sure, but we could probably figure out something."

Freddie didn't say anything but Loretta could see her mother smiling before she bent her head to crimp a pie crust.

Loretta took a break in the afternoon for a walk. She started to go by herself, then she looped back into the house and asked Jackson if he wanted to go with her. He looked up at her and said, "I've already had my long walk, and I took a shower. I think I'll sit here and read. You go and take your power walk. In about an hour, I'll head up the trail and we can walk back together. How about that?"

She closed her eyes and smiled up towards Heaven. Then she leaned forward and gave him a peck on the cheek, "Great idea. I'll see you in a while."

She charged off almost at a slow jog. A little over an hour later, she saw Jackson coming up the trail towards her. She glanced at her watch and said, "You cheated. You left sooner than an hour."

"Sorry. I guess I was eager to see you."

She made a face, "You been seein' me all day."

He took her in his arms and gave her a full body hug, holding her close with his hands in her hair. "Yes, but not like this."

She leaned against him and wrapped her arms around his waist. They stood there for a couple of minutes listening to their hearts beating against the background of the sounds of the woods. When it became clear that the heart-pounding excitement was building instead of simmering down, Jackson tilted her head back and kissed her. Her knees buckled, but she managed to stay on her feet. She gave herself over to the kiss and his embrace and found herself outside of space and time. It might have lasted ten seconds or ten years but she was in a free fall into love, and everything in the universe disappeared but Jackson.

When the kiss ended, they continued to hold each other for several minutes. Too soon, she said, "We need to get back."

He let her go and turned toward the house. She reached for his hand, and they walked back toward the inn in silence. Just before they emerged into the back yard, he said, "I guess we need to talk."

She squeezed his hand and rubbed her cheek against his shoulder, "I guess we do, but can we wait until after tomorrow? I'm going to be on a really tight schedule and I can't let myself be distracted." She paused and looked up at him through narrowed but twinkling eyes and added, "Especially not by such a handsome, sexy man who takes my breath away."

He grinned and blushed, "Really? I take your breath away?"

"Yep."

He stepped closer and whispered, "I don't think I've breathed since I arrived."

She tweaked his nose, and said, "You might want to try breathing into a paper bag."

He kissed her quickly and they emerged from the woods and walked into the the back yard perfectly in step, still holding hands.

For supper, they ordered barbecue sandwiches from the barbecue place, and Jackson picked them up while the women worked on the preparation for the next day.

Freddie went to bed about nine. Loretta cleaned up the kitchen and Jackson poured them drinks.

"You want to sit in the parlor?"

She shook her head. "If you don't mind, I'd just as soon sit here in the kitchen."

They sipped their drinks and made small talk. He told her some stories about his job, the drama in his family between a couple of sisters-in-law who were feuding and his apartment hunting. She told him about the computer classes and the Homecoming event. They carefully avoided talking about anything personal because they both knew that would require much more time than they had.

Loretta was ready for bed by ten. Jackson said he wanted to read for a while. She asked him to turn out the lights before he went to bed. She started to leave the room, but then she came back and leaned over to kiss him good-night. He pulled her down into his lap and made it much more than a simple good-night kiss. Loretta felt herself yielding and responding in ways her body had never experienced before. She put her hand on his chest and leaned back. "Let's not go there right now."

He whispered into her hair, "Does that mean we might go there sometime?"

"I don't know. I do know that we need to have a serious talk and that I can't do that in Mama's house with her in the next room."

He smiled and hugged her, "I understand."

Loretta hesitated. She didn't look at him but said sort of to the middle of his chest. "There's one other important thing you need to know."

"What's that?"

"I've never dated anyone before."

"You've never dated at all."

"I've been out on a few first dates and I've hung with guy friends my whole life. But, I've never had a boyfriend."

"Have you kissed before?"

"A couple of times, but it was just a good night kiss." She looked up into his eyes, her face red with embarrassment and passion and said, "Nothing like with you."

He kissed her again, and then pulled her head down onto his shoulder. He whispered, "I understand what you're telling me. Thank you for letting me know. I hope you know that I would never do anything to hurt you, or even to make you feel uncomfortable." He paused and lifted her head by the chin so she could look into his eyes. "You believe me, don't you?"

She stared into his eyes for a long time without saying anything. Eventually, her eyes filled with tears and she nodded.

"I'm sorry. I have to go to bed."

He laughed, "If you didn't go voluntarily, I'd have to send you away soon anyhow. I hope you have plenty of cold water for my shower."

She made as if to slap him, but stroked his cheek instead, blew him a kiss and then ran up the stairs.

Thanksgiving dawned with the kind of glory that only happens in the mountains in the Fall. Loretta left for her walk as soon as it was light enough to see. She was on her way back as Jackson was heading up the hill for his walk. They stopped briefly, and, after an awkward minute, they smiled and hugged. They stood with their cheeks touching.

He said, "You have a very busy day today and you'll have a number of guests. I'll leave you alone, and simply play the role of patron at the inn. There's no point in creating gossip before we know where we're headed."

She put her arms around him and leaned her head on his shoulder, "The old ladies are already trying to make something of your visits. I've been laughing it off. I agree that would be good if we played it cool today. We'll talk another time."

"Do you think you could get away sometime to visit me in Asheville? It seems to me that your Mama is doing a little better, and she has plenty of support around here."

She smiled up at him and said, "I think I could probably manage to steal a couple of days at some point. Mama knows I love to visit Biltmore when it's decorated for Christmas. We could use that for an excuse."

He chuckled. Loretta could feel the vibration deep in his chest. He said, "I don't think we need to give your mama any excuses. She seems to be okay with us."

"I think Mama would be okay with me visiting you, but I'm going to give her an excuse anyway, just for appearance sake."

"I'll have my December work schedule next week. I'll let you know when I'm off."

"Okay."

She kissed his cheek and said, "I've got to get back and get the bird in the oven. Get plenty of exercise because Mama and I have pulled out all the stops for this meal." She winked, "You should know that we did it mostly for your benefit."

Loretta and Freddie spent the morning executing their well-laid-out game plan. At noon, they put everything on hold in order to shower and change into their party finery. Jackson read in the parlor until the guests started arriving, at which point he joined them by the punch bowl. Even though he didn't have to drive home after dinner, Jackson avoided the punch and stuck to tea for before dinner cocktails. Loretta walked up behind him and asked softly, "Would you like a beer or a glass of wine?"

He smiled and said, "I'll have wine with dinner, but I'm good now. I'm pacing myself."

Roy Ashbury was the last to arrive. The others were all chattering in the living room, sipping their cocktails and telling stories. Loretta invited him to join the group. He handed her his coat and said, "I'll have a beer."

Loretta took his coat into Freddie's room and tossed it on the bed with the others, and then she went to the kitchen to get his beer. She found herself feeling annoyed. She handed him the beer and then moved through the crowd, refilling tea and wine glasses. About a half an hour before dinner, Loretta checked with Jackson to make sure he was okay, made one last pass through the group refilling glasses and then headed toward the kitchen to put the finishing touches on dinner.

Freddie followed a few minutes later and said, "Mr. Ashbury would like another beer." She rummaged around in the garage refrigerator and came in with a bottle. Loretta opened it and asked, "Can you manage the beer with your cane?"

Freddie looked sheepish. "I don't think so. I think I've overdone it today. I'm very shaky, and think I may need to resort to my walker."

"Go get your walker. I'll take Roy his beer." She shook her head. "I feel bad to say this but, I just do not like that man."

Freddie said, "That seems to be the general sense of the crowd. He's kind of putting a damper on the party."

"How is Jackson coping?"

"Jackson is sitting in the parlor listening to Mable Kingtree tell stories."

Loretta smiled. Freddie patted her hand and whispered, "That's a man a girl could fall for."

Loretta winked and said, "I won't argue with you there, Mama."

She hurried out into the living room, served Roy his beer, checked the hors d'oeuvres table and was back in the kitchen by the time Freddie came out of her room with her walker. Freddie made to move into the kitchen to help Loretta, but Loretta shooed her mother away, "You go entertain your guests – sitting down! I've got everything under control here."

Freddie laughed, "What a difference a few months has made. You never cooked before and now you're making Thanksgiving dinner for a crowd. I'm proud of you, Honey."

"We can get sloppy and sentimental – not to mention drunk – later. Right now, we have a show to put on. You play your part. I'll play mine."

The meal was fabulous. All the guests ate until they said they were ready to pop. While Freddie sat at the desk settling their bills, Loretta handed each one a bag filled with leftovers, and saw the guests out the door with hugs and air-kisses. Jackson watched that portion of the festivities from the parlor.

When all the guests were gone, Loretta stretched and said, "OK, Mama. You go take your nap. You look positively pooped. I'm going to change my clothes and tackle the kitchen. Jackson, why don't you go for a walk or take a nap."

Freddie said, "You are not going to clean up this mess by yourself."

"Yes, ma'am, I am. I made a total wreck of your kitchen and I aim to clean it up all by myself." She looked at her watch. "It's four o'clock. Give me until seven with no interruptions."

Jackson walked into the kitchen two hours later, just before dark. The dishes were done and the stove was clean. Loretta was dragging the mop and bucket from the mud room. She looked up and grinned. "I will be finished here in fifteen minutes. Make yourself a drink and, while you're at it, pour one for me. I'll meet you in the parlor."

"You want a martini or bourbon."

"Bourbon."

He took the bottle, two glasses and a bowl of ice to the parlor. Loretta finished mopping the floor and looked down at herself. She stuck her head in the parlor, "I'm a mess. Give me ten more minutes to clean up and get comfy. I'll be right back."

A few minutes later, she was back, dressed in yoga pants and a tank top. Her hair was wet and her skin was glowing from the hot shower. She snuggled up on the couch beside Jackson and clinked glasses. "Well, I'm glad that's over."

"You did great."

"I should be a chef who stays in the kitchen. I love the cooking part, but I'm not so good with the hostessing part."

"Your mama has that part down cold."

"We make a great team."

"You do. Really."

They sat quietly staring into the fire and sipping their drinks. Freddie came out a few minutes later, dressed in a sweat suit, using her walker.

She sat in a wing backed chair and said, "Loretta, I'm so proud of you. You did a spectacular job today. Thank you."

"That means a lot, Mama. You want a short one?"

"Yes please. Two fingers. One ice cube."

Loretta laughed, "I'm gonna tell the preacher."

"You'll do no such thing."

They chatted for a while and went to bed early. Nobody wanted supper.

The next morning, Loretta took an abbreviated morning walk and then packed a huge bag of leftovers and sweets for Jackson. When he got up, she made him eggs, bacon, biscuits and grits for breakfast. He looked up at her and said, "You like fat men?"

"No, why?"

"Because you give every appearance of trying to turn me into one."

She made a face and asked him what time he had to leave. He told her he wanted to be on the road early due to post Thanksgiving shopping traffic. There were a couple of malls near his apartment and he was concerned about getting to work on time.

Freddie wandered into the kitchen, still wearing her robe. Loretta filled her mother's plate and put it in front of her. Freddie said, "I shouldn't eat for a week, but I could never pass up bacon and grits."

They sat at the table and talked for a while. Jackson got up to leave. Freddie gave him a hug and said she had to go to the bathroom. She retreated to her room. Loretta gave him his care package and walked him to his car. He put his arms around her and they kissed for a long time.

"I'll call you when I get home."

"You'd better."

She waved from the driveway until he was out of sight. Then she returned to the kitchen. Freddie was sitting at the table, still in her robe, uploading photos from Thanksgiving to her blog. Loretta put on another pot of coffee. Freddie motioned to the chair across the table. "Sit."

Loretta sat.

Freddie said, "I want you to take the day totally off. We will pick on leftovers for our food, not that you left us much leftovers. We will not cook today. You will not clean, nor will you do any of your computer work. I want you to take the day off. Walk in the woods. Read. Take a long bath. Here's an novel idea: get some sleep! You work too hard."

Loretta patted her mother's hand and said, "You know, I'm going to take you up on that. I'm going to go back to bed with a book. After lunch, when it warms up a bit, I'm going to take a really, really long walk. I plan to be in bed shortly after sunset. I am completely pooped after yesterday."

She took a large mug of coffee up the stairs. She didn't go back to bed. She answered the emails that had piled up since Wednesday in her business Inbox. She chatted online with her nerd-friends for a while, and then she curled upon her bed and read for a couple of hours.

In the early afternoon, she wandered downstairs. Freddie was reading a book in the parlor, still in her robe.

"You gonna get dressed, Mama?"

"No. I've got no place to go and nobody coming. I'm going to stay comfortable, and be ready to go to sleep at the first notion."

"I like your style. Let's have a bite of lunch and then I think I'll take that long walk I've been dying for."

They had turkey sandwiches and cold dressing with cranberry sauce for lunch. After they did the dishes, Loretta put Freddie down for a nap and headed out the back door towards the trail head.

## Chapter 12

Jackson was with a patient who had been in a car accident. The front of the car had collapsed and the man's legs were badly injured. Jackson's cell phone vibrated in his pocket. He ignored it. It vibrated again and again. Jackson said to the nurse, "Please send him to x-ray and let me know when you get the results."

He stepped out into the hall and found five missed calls from the Russell Inn. He hit redial with his heart in his mouth.

Freddie answered on the first ring. "I'm sorry to bother you, Jackson. I wanted to let you know that Loretta has been terribly hurt. They took her away in a helicopter. They asked me if I wanted her to go to Knoxville or Asheville. I told them to take her to your hospital. I couldn't go with her, but I wanted her to have someone there who would watch over her."

"What happened?"

"She went walking in the woods and was attacked."

"By what? A bear?"

"A man."

"Who?"

"I don't know."

"What are her injuries?"

"I don't know the full extent of her wounds, but the police told me she was badly beaten."

The alarms went off in the ER notifying the team that a helicopter was coming in. Jackson said, "Freddie, I think she's coming in now. I'll call you back later."

He ran to the nurses station and asked, "What's up."

"Chopper coming in from Spencer. Victim is a white female. Age forty-ish. Raped and beaten in the woods. EMT's say she's in bad shape."

Jackson bent over and put his head by his knees. He forced himself to stand up and speak in a more-or-less normal voice. He said, "Please page the next doctor on call. I just got off the phone with her mother. This patient is my friend. Actually, this patient is my girlfriend. I can't be her attending."

The nurse took one look at his face and picked up the phone.

Another nurse put down her phone and said to Jackson, "That was the police. They asked us not to touch her until the rape unit has processed her." She looked at Jackson and asked, "Are you okay? Do you need to lie down?"

He didn't hear her because he was racing for the elevators to the helipad.

The EVAC helicopter had just touched down on the pad, and the hospital trauma team sprang into action. Typically, Jackson would not have come up to the pad, which was located on the roof of the hospital. The regular ER staff ordinarily continued their work on the floor until the trauma victim was brought downstairs. He couldn't wait around downstairs. He waited under the horrible wash of the rotors while they unstrapped her stretcher from the infrastructure in the helicopter and moved her (backboard and all) to a waiting gurney. Jackson took one look at her face and almost threw up. She was unrecognizable.

He followed the team to the elevator and asked for a briefing. The cop who accompanied her from Spencer told them that her mother had called the police when she got up from her nap at dusk and found that Loretta had not returned from her walk. The officer said that it was not unusual for Loretta ("the victim") to walk for three hours, but her mother said she never stayed out after dark. The police had gone in with dogs and searchlights and had found her about a quarter of a mile from home, naked, beaten and raped.

Jackson started to cry. The entire team looked at him, astonished. He said, "I'm sorry. She's my girlfriend. I've called in another ER doctor to be the attending."

The cop asked, "Do you have any idea who might have done this to her?"

Jackson paused for only an instant, "Yesterday she and her mother hosted a Thanksgiving dinner for about a dozen locals from Spencer and me. There was a new person there, whom I had not met before. His name was Roy or Ray something. I don't remember his last name. He never took his eyes off Loretta the entire afternoon. I thought he looked mean. I was very annoyed, but I chalked it up to jealousy at the time. That could be totally off the wall, but it's all I've got."

The cop said, "We'll check him out. Do you know where he lives?"

"All I know is he lives in Spencer and he's a truck driver."

They reached the ground level and pushed Loretta's gurney into an examination room. The police rape investigator was waiting. She asked the cop, "Did you find her clothes?"

He handed her an evidence bag. "She was naked, but her clothes were lying beside her."

"Anything else?"

"She has a license to carry a concealed weapon. Her gun was lying with her clothes. It had not been fired, but it was covered in blood and there appear to be some good prints. I'm guessing the rapist beat her with her own gun."

"Where is it?"

The cop pulled a plastic bag out of his satchel and handed it to her. The blood from the gun had coated the inside of the bag, and started to clot. Jackson watched, horrified, as the CSI put it in her own satchel.

"Anything else?"

"There were some bloody foot prints leading away from the scene. We took photos. Let us know where to email them."

She handed him her card with her contact information. He said, "Excuse me and I'll call my office to have them send the photos." He walked out of the room.

The CSI looked at Jackson and asked, "Are you the attending?"

"No. We're waiting for my backup. She's my friend. I can't ...."

"I understand. I thought you looked a little green for an ER doctor."

"This is hard."

The CSI said, "Why do I get the feeling she's more than a casual friend."

"Because she is."

"Then perhaps you should step outside."

"Can I try to talk to her. I won't touch her."

"Okay."

Jackson walked around the bed and leaned over her bloody, swollen and unrecognizable face, "Sugar, it's me, Jackson. You're in good hands. The doctors here are the best. I'll be here, but I can't treat you. Can you hear me?"

She moaned.

The CSI said, "Let's take that for a 'yes'."

Jackson leaned closer to Loretta and whispered, "I'm going to have to go now for a little while. The police need to talk to you. I'll be back soon, I promise. Sugar, I want you to keep in mind that I love you. Don't let that thought out of your head. I love you, and your mama loves you. You hang onto that and don't think about anything else."

The CSI waved him out of the room. He didn't argue because he knew what was going to happen next, and he didn't want to see it. It was bad enough that he stood outside the door and listened to Loretta moaning and crying.

A nurse asked him if he would be able to see a new patient who had just come in with chest pains. He didn't want to leave Loretta, but he knew there was nothing he could do for her standing in the hall. The backup doctor had not yet arrived, so Jackson allowed himself to be led into a treatment room at which point his medical training kicked in and he moved into automatic pilot, asking the appropriate questions and listening to the babbling of the family members surrounding the man. He turned to the nurse, "We need to get this man to the cardiac ICU right away."

"You want a defibrillator?"

"No. It appears to me that the infarction is over. He's breathing okay and his heart is beating, although it's out of the normal rhythm. Call upstairs and see if they have a place for him stat."

Another nurse came in with a needle, "Doctor, do you want to give him some nitro?"

Jackson listened to his heart again and looked at his pupils. "No. Let's let the cardiologists decide what to give him. He's actually stable right now. It was either a very mild heart attack or perhaps an angina attack. Whatever it was it seems to be over now. His pulse is slowing and his breathing is okay. Given his age and his weight, I'd like for him to spend some time in the cardiac ICU, but I don't want to give him any medicine here."

He held the man's wrist and monitored the pulse as it gradually slowed. It was still too fast and way too irregular, but it was better than it had been a few minutes ago. Jackson thought the guy had just had really just had an attack of indigestion.

Another nurse came into the room. "Doctor Shepard, you should know that both Doctor Andrews and Doctor Johnson are here. Dr. Andrews is with Miss Russell. Dr. Johnson wanted me to let you know that he'll take over the rest of your shift."

Jackson looked up at her as though waking from a deep sleep. "You called them both?"

She smiled. "Yes, sir."

"Are the police finished with Loretta?"

"Not yet, Doctor, but they will be soon. Dr. Andrews is monitoring their process."

"Is Loretta conscious?"

"Sort of."

Jackson bent over and listened to the man's heart. He looked up at the wife and patted her hand. "I think he'll be okay. We'll have the cardiac unit monitor him overnight, but, frankly, I don't think it was a heart attack. It was, however, a warning. Your husband needs to lose weight and exercise. Perhaps a night in the cardiac unit may give him some incentive."

The wife smiled at him. "Thank you, Doctor. I've been nagging him for years about his weight. I hope this will be a wake-up call for him."

Jackson smiled and said, "Best of luck to both of you."

He went to the staff lounge and washed his face in the bathroom. There was a remnant of coffee in the pot that looked and smelled as though it had been there for hours. He poured a cup and downed it without tasting it. He hung his white jacket in his locker and put on a sweater. Then he went down the hall and asked the duty nurse to let him know when the police were finished with Loretta. He added, "I'll be in the waiting room."

"Doctor Shepherd. Please. Go wait in the staff lounge. If you sit in the waiting room, you'll end up treating patients – out of turn."

He smiled with his lips, but his eyes were too tired to join in. "You have a point."

At that moment, the CSI came out of Loretta's room. Jackson turned to her and asked, "How is she?"

"I'm not a doctor, so I can't tell you medically. I can tell you from my perspective as a cop and a woman: that woman is a mess. She was badly beaten, looks like a couple of times, and repeatedly raped."

Jackson pulled the woman aside and said, "I don't know if it matters to your investigation, but it matters to me. She was a virgin."

"You're kidding."

"No." Tears filled his eyes and he clenched his fists. "We had plans to spend a weekend together soon... ." His voice trailed off and he stifled a sob.

The cop said, "I'm very sorry, Doctor. I'm pretty sure her injuries are not life threatening. I think she may wish they were, unless you convince her that you still love her no matter what."

"I'll do my best."

He walked down the hall like a diver in a bell suit on the bottom of the sea. He went into Loretta's room where Jessica Andrews was bending over Loretta talking softly. Jackson approached the bed on the other side. Jessica looked up at him and said to Loretta, "You have a visitor, Loretta. Someone who cares about you very much. I'm going to leave you two alone for a few minutes. When Doctor Stewart gets here, we'll have to ask Jackson to leave for a while, but you two should spend a little time together."

Loretta made a noise that was somewhere between a murmur and a moan. Doctor Andrews touched Loretta's hair gently. Loretta recoiled.

Jackson took her hand and she jerked it away. He leaned closer and she cried out. "Sugar, it's me, Jackson." Her eyes were swollen shut. "I'm here and I won't leave you except when the doctors tell me I have to."

Loretta relaxed slightly. He touched her hand again. She didn't jerk it away, but she was tense and trembling. She clearly did not want to be touched. He let go of her hand, and laid his hand on her shoulder, on top of the blanket, and pulled a chair close to the bed. He started talking. Babbling really. He told her stories about the staff who would be taking care of her. He talked about the weather and a bunch of nonsense. He kept talking to let her know she was not alone. At one point, he took her hand again. This time it lay limp in his palm. He thought for a moment she might be sleeping, but then she moved a finger and stroked his palm.

She shifted slightly in the bed, and then moaned. He took her hand in both of his. "Oh, my God, Sugar, I am so sorry about this." He started to cry and then forced himself to buck up, at which point he started talking again.

A little while later, Dr. Andrews came in with Dr. Roger Stewart, the leading gynecologist in the city. Jessica leaned over Loretta and said, "Dr. Stewart is here. Do you remember what I told you about what will happen now?"

Loretta groaned softly, and a tear rolled down her face.

Jessica said, "I'll stay with you, but we're going to ask Jackson to step outside. Is that okay with you?"

Loretta was crying now, which made her eyes even more swollen and red. Jessica wiped Loretta's face with a tissue. "I'll be here. Jackson will be back in a few minutes."

Loretta gripped Jackson's hand and would not let go. Dr. Stewart asked, "Dr. Shepherd, do you think you could stay with her while I examine her. She seems not to want you to leave."

Jackson sighed and said, "Yes. I'll stay."

Jessica looked at him across Loretta's bed and whispered, "Don't peek."

Jackson looked at Loretta's battered face and bloody hands and arms. "Trust me. I won't."

He scooted closer to Loretta, held her hand in both of his and laid his head on her shoulder as gently as he could not knowing if it was injured. She did not pull away.

The other two doctors pulled the covers up from the bottom of the bed, and tried to get her to open her legs. She fought them, cried out and started crying again. Jackson said, "No, Sugar, it's okay. They are doctors. They need to examine you. Please be still and relax. Hold my hand. Relax as much as you can."

They managed to get her feet in the stirrups at the bottom of the bed, with blankets draped over her knees. Jackson made the mistake of looking at the doctors' faces. Jessica winced and closed her eyes for a moment. Stewart gritted his teeth and two spots of red appeared on his cheeks; his eyes glittered with anger. Jackson buried his face in the pillow next to Loretta's head and babbled nonsense to her, as much for his comfort as hers.

After what seemed to be an eternity, by which time Loretta and Jackson were both sobbing, the doctors lowered her legs and pulled the blankets back down over her feet. Stewart said, "Dr. Shepherd, could I have a word with you?"

Jackson stood up and said to Loretta, "I'll be right back."

Jessica stepped up, took her hand and said, "I'm here. I'll stay with you until Jackson comes back."

Stewart turned to Jackson in the hall, "Are you a relative?"

"No. Actually, I hate the word, but I'm her boyfriend."

"Where's her family?"

"Her only living family is her mother. She's elderly and disabled. She stayed home in Spencer."

"We're going to need to do some surgery. Ms. Russell is barely conscious and we have her so loaded up with pain meds, she's not competent to sign the necessary releases. Do you know if her mother has a POA?"

"I don't know. I can call her."

"Please do. I'm going to go ahead prep for surgery. If her mother doesn't have a POA, I'm going to take her to the OR anyway. She's bleeding badly and needs to be stitched up. I'd prefer to have the proper releases before I do." He paused, "Does she have any children?"

Jackson shook his head. "No. In fact, as I understand it, this would have been her first sexual encounter."

"You and she have not had sex?"

"We had plans for my next weekend off."

"She's badly hurt."

"How badly?"

"She has a broken cheekbone, couple of broken ribs, probable concussion, cuts and bruises everywhere, couple of broken fingers from the struggle. Looks like he hit her in the stomach a few times, but I don't think there's any internal bleeding. Massive trauma to the pelvic area."

"What kind of trauma?"

"The usual you see with rape, plus what appears to be something like an episiotomy with a pocket knife."

Jackson started to double over and felt his gorge rising. He closed his eyes, clenched his fists and regained some control. He took a deep breath and said, "I'll call her mother."

Stewart said, "I'm on my way to the OR. Are you still on duty?"

"No. I'm through. Dr. Johnson has relieved me."

"You don't need to sit in the surgical waiting room. Go to the doctor's lounge in the surgical suite. I'll meet you there when I'm through."

Jackson went into the staff lounge and called Freddie. She answered before the first ring ended. "Tell me how she is!"

"Did you see her before they took her away?"

"No. They landed the helicopter in a clearing near where she was. I couldn't get there."

"Are you alone?"

"No. The police chief and his wife go to my church. She is here with the pastor and his wife."

"Good. Okay. First of all, none of her injuries are life threatening, but she is very badly hurt. She has a bunch of broken bones and bruises, plus some deep cuts that need to surgical repair. Do you have a power of attorney?"

"Is she that bad?"

"She sort of semi-conscious but they have her loaded up with painkillers. The surgeon would prefer to have the authorization from a POA if you have one."

"I do. Loretta is my POA and executor. I am her primary POA."

"Who's her backup?"

"Her attorney."

"Do you have a fax machine?"

"I have the POA form saved on my computer. I can email it to you."

"Okay. You know how to use the scanner?"

"Yes."

"Okay. I'll send you the release in an electronic document. You fill it out and email it back with the POA form. Hopefully that will suffice."

"Why is the doctor being so careful about this?"

Jackson sighed. "He's a male doctor. She's a young woman who's never been married and never had kids. I haven't seen her injuries, and I'm not going to invade her privacy, but I'm guessing that the doctor is concerned that she may have some kind of permanent damage and he wants to cover his ass in case she wants to make something of it."

"You know she wouldn't do that."

"I know that. Frankly, I'm much more worried about her emotional wounds than I am about her physical wounds." He forced himself to get back to business. "Please, go fire up your computer. I'll email you the forms.

He sat down at the desktop computer that was in the lounge, and accessed the hospital's forms file. He emailed the form to Freddie and then messed around checking up on his relatives on Facebook while he waited for her response. He was annoyed that the big issue among his family was the growing feud between two sisters-in-law that was threatening to create a rift in the family. His world was falling to pieces and they were all worked up about a stupid cat fight.

Freddie returned the authorization and the POA in only a few moments. She also attached Loretta's living will, as a precaution. He printed out the forms and took them to the nurse's station, handing them to the head nurse, "Would you make sure these forms get to all the right places so Dr. Stewart can proceed."

"Certainly, Doctor Shepherd."

He went back into Loretta's room. Jessica was still there. She looked up and said to Loretta, "Jackson's back. They'll be down to take you to the OR soon. I'm going to run along. I'll be back to see you later this evening."

She motioned Jackson to step outside the door. "Did you get the forms?"

"Yes."

"Roger's just being his typical self."

"Which is?"

"A total prick." She paused for emphasis, "But, I called him because he's the best surgical GYN in the area. If anybody can repair the damage, he can. I hate his guts, but I recognize his medical ability."

"Thanks for coming in."

"No problem. I've assigned myself as her attending physician. If her regular doctor comes around, I'll defer to him or her."

"I don't think she has a regular doctor. She moved back here from California a few months ago, and I don't think she's established herself with a doctor."

"I'll take care of her as long as she wants me to."

"Thanks, Jess. I appreciate it."

"How long have you known her?"

"Not very long. We were kind of just getting started with a relationship."

"She's going to have a long road to recovery, physically and emotionally."

"Do you think we should call in a counselor?"

"I think it would be a good idea. Is she religious? Should we call her pastor?"

"Her mother's very religious. Her pastor's with her now, but I've had the impression Loretta isn't too keen on religion. I know she drops her mother off to church and picks her up later."

"Okay. My favorite rape counselor is actually a Methodist minister. I like to use her if the victims are religious. My second favorite is a woman who was formerly a cop. She now works for the rape crisis center. I'll call her." She paused and bit her lip, as if considering what to say next. "I'm also going to call another friend. He's a great therapist who works with families of victims of violent crimes. I think you should talk to him."

"Me?"

"Yeah, you. You may not have known her for long, but I can tell you're in love with her. You also indicated that you and she had plans to take your relationship to the next level. I can feel your anger from across the room. You need to talk to someone about your own feelings in order to be able to help her with hers."

"I suppose you're right."

"I'll have him call you. His name is Casey Albright."

"Okay. I'll talk to him."

She left, and Jackson went into Loretta's room taking up his position beside her bed. He held Loretta's hand and talked to her. She was almost asleep and, on the one hand, he didn't want to disturb her, but on the other, he knew the surgical team would wake her up anyway. "Loretta, I talked to your mother. She told me to tell you she loves you. The pastor and his wife along with another friend are with her, so she's not alone. She wants you to focus on getting better and not worry about her."

Loretta murmured something unintelligible, but at least he knew she heard him and understood.

"They're going to take you to the operating room soon. Obviously, I can't go with you there, but I'll be here when you wake up. We're going to get through this together, and you're going to be just fine." He paused, kissed her palm and added, "or there will be hell to pay from both me and your mama."

She made a noise that sounded like it might be a laugh deep in her chest. He decided it was. Then she moaned.

He said, "Oh, I'm sorry. No more jokes around people with broken ribs. I told you my bedside manner sucks!"

She squeezed his hand.

At that moment, the surgical team came in, pushing a gurney. Jackson leaned over her and whispered, "OK, you're going to turn into Sleeping Beauty now. I'll see you on the flip side. I love you." He dared not kiss her on her damaged lips, so he kissed the top of her head. The orderlies waved him away.

He headed for the surgical suite, and then realized that he had not eaten since lunch the day before. He made a detour through the commissary, where he had coffee and some kind of stew that was probably pretty good, but he didn't really taste it. Then he headed for the doctor's lounge in the surgical suite. There were two surgeons talking in the lounge. One of them looked up and said, "You Dr. Shepherd?"

"Yes."

"Dr. Stewart said to tell you he'll be in as soon as he is finished. Feel free to wait here."

Jackson stretched and said, "I was near the end of a twenty-four hour shift in the ER. You think anyone would mind if I stretch out on the couch and snooze?"

The female doctor motioned to a door. "There's a cot inside that closet. The GYN's sleep there all the time. Make yourself comfortable. Or, as comfortable as you can be on a cot in a hospital."

"Thanks."

She left and the other doctor said, "From what I hear, your friend is pretty banged up."

"Yep."

"You want to talk about it?"

"No, thanks. I want to pass out and pretend that the last couple of hours never happened."

He woke up an hour later, and went out to the nurse's station to ask if they had any news on Loretta. She said, "I can't discuss the patient's condition with you, but I can tell you that the surgery is taking longer than Dr. Stewart expected. He pushed back the three other procedures he had scheduled for today and had another doctor from his practice come in to deliver a baby for him."

Jackson closed his eyes and sighed. "Okay. Then I suppose I have time to go to my locker in the ER and get my toothbrush and shaving gear."

She reached into a drawer and said, "Here. We keep what we call tidy kits on hand for doctors who get called in during the middle of the night."

"Thanks."

"You want me to order you some food from the commissary?"

"No, thanks. I ate."

He went into the bathroom, brushed his teeth and shaved. Then he commenced to pacing the floor in the doctor's lounge. At one point a voice behind him said, "Pacing will not help. In fact, in my experience, pacing makes it worse."

Jackson turned to see a tall elderly man wearing jeans and a leather jacket. The man approached Jackson with his hand extended, "Casey Albright. Jess Andrews called me. I decided to pop on over while your friend is still in surgery. I figured you might appreciate some company."

"Thanks. I don't know what I want other than for this to be a nightmare that I'll wake up from soon."

"I'm here because that is not going to happen. In fact, I'm here to tell you that things may get worse before it gets better."

"How so?"

"Right now, you're dealing with your pain and your worry about her. When she gets out of the hospital, you're going to have to help her deal with her pain. Our goal right now is to get you in shape to do that."

"I'm a doctor. I know about distancing yourself and all that."

"Doctors make the worst friends in a time like this precisely because you are so skilled at distancing yourself from your patients' pain. I'll level with you and tell you that I snooped around and found out that you were in the military. The combination of combat experience and medical training – in an ER, for God's sake – makes you the worst possible person to help someone in a predicament like Ms. Russell's. You'll struggle to distance yourself from both your pain and hers when what you both need to do is got through the pain together in order to come out the other side."

Jackson made a face. He wasn't in the mood for a bunch of psycho-babble. He grew up with a mother whose response to every crisis was "we just need to buck up." He didn't think he needed counseling and didn't appreciate the intrusion. Casey seemed to read his mind, and said, "Okay, I'll stop with that shit. How about I just keep you company for a while."

They drank coffee and watched Vanderbilt get creamed by Auburn. Eventually Dr. Stewart came into the room. He was still in his scrubs and had blood all over his gown. Jackson wanted to murder him. He hated when surgeons wore a patient's blood in front of their loved ones. Casey leaned toward Jackson, and he could almost feel calmness emanating from Casey's body. Jackson took a deep breath and stood up to hear what the surgeon had to say.

"She tolerated the surgery very well. I stitched up all the cuts. We taped her ribs and splinted the broken bones in her hands. She's going to be in a lot of pain when she wakes up. We'll keep her here for a couple of days so we can load her up with meds, but she should be able to leave the hospital by about Tuesday. I understand she lives in Spencer. I don't know that I'd recommend she ride in a car that far so soon after this surgery."

Jackson said, "She can stay with me. I don't think she will want to go back to Spencer with the person who did this to her still on the loose."

"Good point. I'd like to see her in the office a week after her release from the hospital. Who is her doctor in Spencer?"

"I don't think she has one. Jessica Andrews is her attending here."

"I'll consult with Jessica until Ms. Russell tells me otherwise. You know I can't really consult with you."

"I know that, and I truly appreciate your talking to me now. Would you like for me to get her mother on the phone?"

"Yes, please."

Jackson dialed Freddie's number. The pastor answered and said that Freddie was resting. He asked if they could call back in a few minutes. The doctor gave the minister his cell number and told him to just have Freddie call him when she woke up."

When the surgeon hung up, Jackson asked, "May I wait in the recovery room with her."

"In the absence of her mother, yes. Go ahead."

The surgeon left, and Casey stood up from the table. He said, "Just for the record, I share Jessica's opinion of him at every level. He a condescending asshole, but he's truly an artist with a scalpel." He handed Jackson his card. "Call me. Anytime."

Jackson put the card in his pocket. He didn't want to need it, but he was pretty sure he would.

He shook Casey's hand and headed for the recovery room. The nurses looked annoyed, but they knew he was a doctor so they left him alone.

It took Loretta a long time to wake up. One of the nurses told Jackson that the anesthesiologist told her that they had put Loretta in a very deep sleep because of the nature of her injuries.

"Will she be in a lot of pain when she wakes up?"

"No. We're pumping her really full of painkillers, and we will continue that for about twelve hours after she wakes up. Then we'll gradually withdraw them. That's when the pain will hit her, but hopefully a lot of the swelling will have gone down by then."

"I'm going to step outside and call her mother. Let me know immediately if she stirs."

"Certainly, Doctor."

He went out to the hall and called the Inn. The pastor's wife answered. He asked if Freddie were still sleeping. She told him that Freddie was actually talking to Dr. Stewart on her cell phone. Jackson said, "I think Freddie should come here to see Loretta. She'll probably be released Tuesday or Wednesday, but the doctor doesn't think she should ride in a car as far as Spencer, and he wants to follow up with her here. I propose to have Loretta stay with me until she can drive. I think Freddie and Loretta would both benefit from a visit."

"We could bring her over tomorrow."

"That would work. She's still sleeping and they are going to keep her sedated today, so she probably wouldn't even remember it if Freddie came today. I only have a one bedroom apartment, and I'm going to give the bedroom to Loretta. If Freddie wants to stay, she can have the couch and I'll rent a a cot for when I'm not bunking at the hospital."

"I'll mention that to Freddie. I'm sure she'll want to talk to you when she gets off the phone."

"I'm going back into the recovery room. Tell her I'll call her after Loretta wakes up." He paused, and then asked, "Did the cops catch the guy?"

"Yes. It was Roy Ashbury."

"Why did he do it?"

"He's evidently not talking." She added, "You should know that Loretta fought him really hard. She put him in the hospital. She put one of his eyes out and did some serious damage to his face."

"Whatever damage she may have done to him is nothing compared to what he did to her."

"Is she going to be okay?"

"She's going to live. How okay she will be remains to be seen."

He returned to the recovery room where the nurse was talking softly to Loretta, who was stirring but not fully awake. "Doctor Shepherd, would you mind sitting with her for a few minutes. She's starting to wake up and I'm afraid she may be sick from the anesthesia. I want to go get a tray and some towels. Jackson leaned over Loretta, massaging her temples and talking to her softly. She was clearly trying to wake up, but was still not fully conscious. He talked to her and stroked her hair. The nurse came back in a few minutes with towels and a spit bowl. She spread the towels around Loretta's pillow and in the front of her. She said to Jackson, "I'd rather not have to move her around to change sheets. She's been through enough."

"I agree. You want to put an extra sheet across the top of her?"

"That's a good idea."

The were just in time because almost as soon as they got the clean towels and sheets all spread out, Loretta turned her head to the side and vomited. The nurse winked at Jackson and said, "Right on schedule. I hate it when they have to put patients under that deep. They almost always get sick. She'll probably throw up several times. I'm going to bring more towels." She took the dirty one away while Jackson put down a clean one. The nurse came back a few minutes later with a stack.

The next few hours were grueling for everyone. Loretta threw up about every half hour without ever really waking up. They increased her IV fluids to keep her from dehydrating. Eventually, she had nothing to vomit, so she simply gagged.

Jackson stepped out a few times to call Freddie. A neighbor was going to bring Freddie to the hospital on Saturday. Jackson told her she was welcome to stay at his apartment. She said that she'd prefer to stay in a hotel if there were one nearby. Jackson didn't argue. He was grateful enough that Freddie seemed okay with his plans to take Loretta to his house. He wasn't so sure Loretta was going to see it the same way, but she wasn't really in a position to argue too much.

One of the ER nurses called him to ask if he wanted to be taken off the work schedule for a while. He told her to go ahead and put him on the schedule for Sunday and Monday, but to keep him off for a few days beginning on Tuesday. He wanted to stay home with Loretta for a couple of days until she was able to be up and around.

When he got off, he checked in with Loretta before looking for an empty room to crash. She was awake and not vomiting.

He kissed her hair and whispered, "Hello, Sugar. I'm not going to ask how you feel. I will say I'm glad you're awake."

She looked at him with dead eyes and said, "I'm not glad to be awake. In fact, I'm not glad to be alive."

He forced himself not to close his eyes. Somehow he managed to look deep into her eyes despite the horror he saw there, and say, "I know, but the people who love you are glad you're alive, and we mean to give you back your joy no matter how hard it is for all of us, or how long it takes." His tears dripped onto her cheek. She had no tears left.

She looked up at him and croaked, "I so wanted it to be you..."

He put his finger to her swollen and scabby lips. "Shhhh. We are not going to have that conversation now. When the day comes that we are ready to have it, I hope that it won't be necessary. What happened, happened. We can't make it un-happen. We will not let it ruin the rest of our lives. We will not let that bastard take away your happiness, or mine. We will not let him win."

Loretta nodded, "I am sure that I will get there at some point. I'd like to be angry. All I can feel now is that I just want to die."

Jackson said, "Well, you're not going to die, so take that option off the table. I think anger would be counterproductive, unless you can channel it into determination to get past this. Why don't you try love?"

Loretta smiled. It was a crooked, swollen, jack-o-lantern-looking smile, but it was an actual smile. "Anybody in particular I should love?"

"Your mother." He paused, "And, maybe, me."

She looked up at him. Her eyes were a little less dead. They looked mostly bemused and afraid. "You mean you could maybe still love me?"

"Yes. I was already headed in that direction. It's awfully soon for us to know how that might go over the long haul, but nothing about what happened to you has changed my desire to at least go down that road and see where it might lead us. This may slow us down a little, which might not be a bad thing. We were speeding, after all. But, we will not let it ruin either of our lives, whether separately or together. You got that?"

She nodded. "You look exhausted."

"I'm an ER doctor. Exhaustion is my normal state of being. You want anything before I go find someplace to nap?"

"I'm actually kind of hungry. Any chance I could get me a middle of the night snack?"

"I'll be right back."

He came back with some juice and graham crackers. "I don't know if you're going to be able to chew. You have a broken cheekbone. The jaw is fine. I don't know about the teeth. So let's start with teeny tiny bites you can mush up with your tongue."

"How about apple sauce?"

"The commissary is closed. This is all they had on the floor."

He gave her a sip of juice and broke off a tiny piece of cracker. She managed to chew a bit, and said that she didn't think she had lost any teeth. She took a slightly bigger bite. A nurse walked in and said, "Sneaking food to my patients, Doctor?"

"Just special ones."

"I happen to know that you have been here since yesterday afternoon and you're scheduled to work tomorrow. Please go find a place to sleep for a while. I'll take good care of your special patient."

"She's actually Dr. Andrews' patient. She's my gal. And she's the lady who makes the pies y'all love so much."

The nurse smiled, "Oh, my, God! This is Miss Loretta? Then I'll take extra special good care of her."

Loretta gave the nurse a grotesque smile, and said, "Get me back on my feet, and the first pie I bake is free for you."

Jackson just managed to make it into the hall before he started sobbing.

## Chapter 13

For Jackson, the next day was a blur of work and worry. He stopped in to see Loretta as often as he could. After her mother arrived on Saturday afternoon, he relaxed a little. She sat with Loretta all afternoon. He took Freddie to a hotel near his house early in the evening and then went back to the hospital where he was scheduled to work until 3:00 AM.

Freddie took a cab from the hotel to the hospital early in the morning on Sunday and sat alternately talking softly with her daughter and watching Loretta sleep. It was a long day day. Loretta slept most of the day. Jackson popped in when he could. Late in the afternoon, he found Freddie sleeping in the chair, looking pale. He woke her and said, "Let me take you to the hotel. She's out. I'll be here all night, and they'll call me if she needs anything. We don't need you over do it and get down yourself."

Freddie started to argue, but acknowledged that he was right. Jackson offered to drive her, but she said she'd take a cab. He was so exhausted he wasn't sure it would be safe for him to get behind the wheel anyway, so he didn't argue.

He got off at 3:00 AM and went to Loretta's room where he spent the night in the chair. Freddie arrived around 7:30 AM Monday and shooed him away to get some rest.

Mid-morning two physical therapists came in and told Loretta they were going to get her up to go for a walk. They had cut way back on her pain medication and Loretta had a pretty good idea of how much getting out of bed was going to hurt. She said, "Mama, why don't you go have breakfast while I go for a stroll with these people."

Freddie started to argue, but the male therapist said, "That might not be a bad idea, ma'am. This is going to be hard for your daughter. She might not want you to watch."

When Freddie was gone, the therapists explained exactly how Loretta should move to try to minimize what they called the discomfort. She started to laugh, but that hurt her ribs. She managed to sit up. That was when the extent of the damage between her legs finally sunk into her, along with the searing pain that she felt was going to tear her insides apart. She let out an almost in human groan, gritted her teeth and stood up. She discovered that, painful as it was, standing was better than sitting. She was pretty sure that moving forward wasn't going to be any fun.

At that moment, Jackson walked in the door. Loretta looked up at him, with tears in her eyes, but she clenched her jaw and took a step forward. Jackson walked over to her and circled her with his arms without touching her. "If I'm very gentle, may I hug you?"

She put her hands on his chest and leaned her face against his shirt. Jackson held her as gently as he possibly could. The therapists stood aside. After a minute, Jackson said, "I need to get another nap before my shift starts this afternoon. You finish your walk. Where's your Mama?"

"We sent her to have breakfast. I didn't want her to see me trying to get up."

"That was a good idea." Jackson kissed Loretta on the tip of her nose and waved as he left.

Loretta managed to walk across the room to a chair. The female therapist said, "We're going to try to put you in this chair. You've been lying down for too long. We brought a cushion for you to sit on. It's going to hurt really bad as you lower yourself to the chair, but once you get situated we think sitting up will be more comfortable than lying down."

Loretta nodded. They were right. The process of sitting down hurt like hell, but once she was in the chair, on the cushion with a lambskin cover, she felt much better. A nurse came in and asked her if she wanted breakfast. She found, somewhat to her amazement that she was hungry. They brought her eggs and toast with milk and juice. She was eating when Freddie came back into the room. Loretta looked up and said, "I'm sorry. I think I'm sitting in your chair."

Freddie pulled up a hard chair from the corner and set it next to Loretta. She reached out and put her hand on Loretta's leg, "Go ahead and finish your breakfast. I just want to sit by you and feel grateful you're alive."

Both women started to tear up. Loretta waved her fork at her mother, "Let's not do that. I don't have the energy to be upset and also to get better."

Freddie wiped her eyes and blew her nose. "Then we'll focus on the getting better part."

Loretta ate a few more bites and then she said. "Did the police catch him?"

"After he gets out of the hospital, he will go to jail for a long time, I hope."

"He's not here in this hospital, is he?"

"No. He's in the county hospital."

"What's he in the hospital for?"

"You poked one of his eyes out and cut him up pretty bad with your fingernails. He also had a whack on the head from the policeman who arrested him. They said he was resisting arrest, so they threw him up against a tree and he was knocked out for a while."

"Why did he do it, Mama?"

"I don't know. He has not spoken to the police on the advice of his lawyer."

Loretta finished her breakfast and asked for more coffee. Freddie went to find a nurse. A female police officer walked into the room.

"Miss Russell, I'm Detective Sherman, Asheville PD. The local police in Spencer asked us to talk to you. Are you feeling up to it?"

"Do you want a formal statement?"

"I'm sure the prosecutor will want something formal at some point. Right now I'd like to just talk to you. If you don't mind, I'd like to record the conversation since I'm going to have to share this with police and prosecutors in a different jurisdiction."

"Sure. Of course. My mother is here and I don't want her to be present when I'm talking about it."

Freddie walked in and heard the end of that. She said, "I don't want to hear it either, but it will be important for you to talk to the officer without feeling rushed. I think I'll go back to the hotel and take a nap. Call me later when you want me to come back. May I use your phone to call a cab?"

The investigator said. "There's a black and white downstairs. The officer will drive you to your hotel." She radioed to the patrolman, asking him to meet a lady a the the front desk. Freddie thanked her and headed down the hall using her walker.

Before they could get started, Jackson stuck his head in. "I'm just going to say hello. Your mother told me you were with the investigator, so I'll leave you alone." He blew her a kiss, and said, "Call me later if you want company before your mama gets back."

The detective laid her phone on the table, and switched on the recorder. She led Loretta through everything she remembered about her conversations with Roy Ashbury, beginning with the night of Homecoming. She probed deeply into what they said, how he acted and how Loretta behaved. She went into similar detail about his visits to the Inn. During that portion of the conversation, Loretta was fairly relaxed and engaged in the process of trying to figure out what triggered the attack. Then she realized that they were at the point where she was going to have to talk about the attack itself. She had resolutely closed her mind to those events and had refused to let herself think about them. She became very nervous and agitated.

The detective put her hand over Loretta's and said, "I think it's too soon for you to have to give me a detailed narrative of what happened. You'll have to do that with the prosecutor later. We know what your injuries are. We know what he did to you. We have his DNA. What we don't know is what he may have said to you during the attack. Please try to remember anything he said. Take your time."

Loretta carefully opened the door in her mind behind which the memory of that event coiled like a cobra. She remembered it all as though it were in slow motion. She broke out into a cold sweat and started trembling violently. The detective held her hand and said nothing. Loretta let the memory play out in her mind like a horror movie. When she had thought through the entire event she looked at the detective with a puzzled expression.

"As far as I can remember, he only said two things to me. At first, he jumped me from behind and pulled my jacket down to pin my arms. He found my pistol in my pocket. He laughed and said, 'This isn't going to do you any good, so I'll use it.' I thought he was going to shoot me. Instead, he hit me in the face with it. Then he hit me in the side, and then the head. I fell down on the ground. That was when he got on top of me and ripped my pants off. He kept slapping me but I fought back. I poked at his eyes and scratched his face. I don't remember him saying anything at all the whole time. I kept screaming at him to get off of me and let me go. He still didn't say anything. After he was finished raping me he said, 'Well, if you're not going to be any good to me, I'll make it so you won't be any good to anybody else.' He took out a pocket knife. I passed out when he cut me. I don't remember anything else until I woke up when they were putting me into the helicopter. Then they gave me a shot and the next thing I remember was when I woke up after surgery."

The detective looked over her notes. Loretta thought back over the things she remembered. She didn't think that she did or said anything that should have made Ashbury angry. She asked the detective what she thought. The woman asked, "How many single women are there in Spencer?"

Loretta thought about it for a while and said, "Other than a few elderly widows and a few teenagers, I guess I'm the only one."

The detective raised her eyebrows and slid her glasses up on her head. "So. He's a single man living alone in a town with only one single woman who's even remotely in his age range. He figures he's got the inside track because what woman wouldn't jump at the opportunity to have a man in her life? Then Dr. Shepherd shows up at Thanksgiving and foils his plans to turn you into a housewife."

Loretta shook her head, "First of all, I gave that man no indication that I was interested in him. Secondly, at Thanksgiving Jackson and I played it very cool."

The detective said, "Ma'am, you should know that you don't have to lead a man on to get him to think you're hot for him. Most men think every woman they meet is ready to hop in the sack with them . Secondly, was that Dr. Shepherd who stuck his head in here a little while ago?"

Loretta nodded.

"You two positively glow when you look at one another. You may have thought you were playing it cool at Thanksgiving, but I'd bet that if I talked to the other people who were there, I'd hear a very different story. Probably something like how cute it was that you pretended not to be involved when it was very clear that you were madly in love. To a guy like Ashbury, that was an insult to his manhood that could not be allowed to stand."

Loretta shrugged. "I don't get it. I guess that's why I never dated before."

"You what?"

"I've never really dated anybody before Jackson. I was a dork in high school. I was a math nerd in college. Since college most of my colleagues are computer geeks. I've always been kind of one of the geeky guys. I never had a boyfriend. Never really wanted one, to be honest. It's funny. I always thought it would be neat to be married, but I never was interested in the dating part."

"You were a virgin?"

Loretta looked at her hands in her lap and nodded. The detective said, "That could be a factor. Some men can almost smell innocence or at least inexperience. Some predators go after women who are awkward around men because they think that those women can be easily manipulated, and too often the men are right."

The detective flipped through her notebook, "Why do you carry a gun?"

"I bought the gun and learned to shoot for self defense when I lived in Boston and was going to and from the library late at night."

"Have you ever used it outside of the firing range?"

"Yes."

"Tell me about that." Loretta told her the story of the intruder in her home in Boston.

"Did you ever use it any other time?"

"I showed it to a guy once. I was in San Francisco with friends. Three of us were walking down the street. It was late but we were in what we thought was an okay neighborhood. A guy came out of an alley and demanded money. I showed him my gun and told him that we were going to be on our way. He stepped aside and let us go."

"That explains what the Spencer police told me about your demeanor, which didn't fit at all with what you just told me."

"What does that mean?"

"They told me that you go around giving the appearance that you own the earth. That doesn't gibe with the way you described yourself, except for the fighting back part."

Loretta said softly, "Well, you're not exactly seeing me at my best. I think the truth is that, while I may be a nerd, I am typically a very confident person. I've always had a great job, have earned the respect of my peers, and I make a lot of money. I've been told that I often come across as arrogant, in fact. To be honest, I probably do. In a business setting, that usually works in my favor.

"On the personal side, the fact that I was totally inexperienced with men, in my mind, didn't make me any less of a woman. I know that others often saw it differently. A lot of the people I know pity me because I'm almost forty and I've never been married or even engaged and have no hope of having children. What they don't understand is that, while I always kind of fantasized about being married and having someone to talk to and cuddle with, I never wanted to have children, and, because of what I do and my unsociable ways, I never had any serious expectation that I'd get married either. Therefore, I planned my life without including either a husband or children. Nobody in Spencer believes me, but I am really – at least up until the last few days – a very happy and content person. I could see how others would interpret that as confidence and/or arrogance."

"Perhaps that's what Ashbury saw even more than your attraction to the doctor. Maybe you made it clear to him that you really weren't interested in him, and that was just totally unacceptable."

Loretta said, "Well, in reality it doesn't matter what he saw, imagined or fantasized. What he did was wrong and he should go to jail."

"He will. His DNA was all over you and your DNA was in the scratches on his face. A lot of rapists try to say that the sex was consensual. Even when the women fight back, they'll often say it was just rough sex. I've never heard of anyone poking somebody's eye out during even the kinkiest sex. And the cutting part was not rough sex, it was intentional mutilation."

"Are we finished? I'm getting tired."

"Yes. Thank you for your time." She handed Loretta her card, "If you should happen to think of anything else, please give me a call."

Loretta phoned her mother at the hotel and told Freddie that they were finished. Freddie said she had just gotten up from her nap and she'd return to the hospital soon. "Mama, could I get you to do me a favor?"

"Sure. What?"

"I need a computer. I haven't checked my emails in days. I don't have my wallet or credit cards with me, but if you would buy me a cheapie laptop, I'll transfer the money into your account as soon as I get the computer set up."

Freddie made a noise like a sneeze, "There is no possible way am I bringing you a computer! You are recovering from surgery, not to mention the incredibly traumatic experience that caused you to have the surgery. You are not going to work."

"Mama, I need to feel normal again. I need something in my life that is like it was before. I mean it Mama. This is important. Trust me, I'm too tired and sore, not to mention strung out on painkillers, to actually conduct business. I just want to let my clients know I'm okay, and, most of all, I want to chat online with my friends and feel like myself again. Can you understand that?"

"When you put it that way, I absolutely understand. What kind of a computer do you want?"

"Just get a cheap Netbook. Go to any store that sells computers. Then call me. I'll talk to the sales-person."

"Okay. I noticed there's a shopping center near my hotel with a couple of those discount stores."

"That's fine. Call me from the store."

Jackson came in at the tail end of that conversation, and laughed, "I was wondering how long it would be before you asked for a computer."

"Is there WiFi in the hospital?"

"Yes."

"Then I'm golden!"

"You're not going to work, are you?"

"No. I'm too tired and I could never trust myself with my clients' security with so many drugs in my system. I want to touch base with them, let them know I'm okay, and give them referrals to someone else. That scares the hell out of me, but I have to do it. Then I want to chat online with my friends."

"You miss them?"

"Not like that. What I miss is feeling normal. Everything here is surreal. I feel like I've turned into someone I don't know. I'm in pain and I'm scared, and that's not like me. I want to do something that I would ordinarily do in the course of my normal life. I need to reconnect with myself. Messing around with a computer will go a long way toward that."

He nodded, and paused for a long time. Then he took her hand between both of his. "Am I helping or making it worse?"

She was quiet for a long time, studying his face and gazing into his eyes. Eventually she said, "You make it worse in two different ways. First, you make me feel different. That had already started before Friday. No man ever looked at me with desire in his eyes until you did. No man ever held me and kissed me, at least not outside of drunks at parties. I kissed you back instead of giving you a knee in the balls which is what everyone else got. I was starting to feel special and maybe even attractive. But that hadn't been going on long enough for it to feel normal. Now when you kiss me or look at me in that soft way you have, I'm afraid you pity me and it makes me feel worse.

"Also, you make it worse because you make me afraid that I'll never be able to have a normal relationship with you. Before I met you if I had an injury that could prevent me from having sex, I would have shrugged it off because it wouldn't have made a difference. Now, it does make a difference. And that makes it worse. It makes me afraid and anxious and worried."

He was quiet for a long time. "Do you want me to step back?"

"Do you want to?"

"God, no! But, I want to do what is best for you."

She looked at her hands and he saw tears dripping in her lap. She looked up at him with almost blind terror in her eyes, "Even if it sometimes makes it worse, I need you with me. You made me want to live again because you told me you want me to live. I'm still not 100% sure that I really want to live, but I'll try to want to live because you want me to do it. You said we would do this together, and I want you to keep your promise." She looked down again and covered her face with her hands, "Unless you don't want to now that you've had time to think about it."

He knelt down in front of her and took her face in his hands, lifting her chin. "I am here today. I'll be here tomorrow, and every day as long as you want me to be. Do you understand?"

"Yes."

"More importantly, do you believe me?"

"I want to."

"Well, I'll just have to demonstrate that you can trust me."

"You just do that."

He kissed her on the lips, not hard, but he held the kiss for a long time. She returned the kiss at first gingerly – and then she freaked out because she felt her body begin to respond to him.

"What's wrong?"

She closed her eyes. Her heart was pounding and she could barely breathe. He held her hands while she calmed herself. "That looked like a panic attack."

"I think it was. I started to respond to your kiss, and I became terrified."

He said, "I'm going to have Jessica call in the rape counselors. You're overdue for that. She already set me up with a guy. Now it's your turn."

"There's rape crisis counselors for men?"

"Counselors for families of victims of violent crime."

"I see. You're probably right. I guess I do need to talk to somebody. But please don't tell my mother. She thinks that seeing a counselor other than your minister is a sign of weakness and she would think less of me for it."

"Then we won't tell her."

"Jackson?"

"What, Sugar?"

"I'm really tired, would you call the physical therapists and ask them to put me back to bed."

"I'll help you."

"It hurts really bad. I'd rather you not watch."

"I'm there for you. Whatever you need, no matter how hard it is. Remember?"

"Okay. But it took two people to get me here."

"Let's try it."

She managed to push herself up to an almost standing position, but the pain was so bad it caused her knees to buckle. He grabbed her before she fell, put his arms around her and walked her to the bed.

"Wait a minute. I need to rest and get up my nerve" She held onto him like a drowning person. Then she sat on the edge of the bed and rolled over on her side, where she lay trembling and trying in vain not to cry. She tried to scoot up in the bed, but didn't have the strength.

Jackson lifted her as gently as he could to avoid both her broken ribs and her sore bottom, and moved her upon the pillow. She lay back sweating and exhausted.

Freddie called a few minutes later. Loretta asked, "You know I'm going to pay you back as soon as you get here. Do you have credit limit for up to about $1000?"

"Yes."

"Let me talk to the salesperson." She paused, "Okay, I want a 15 inch computer with the fastest processor you have. I don't care about hard drive size, but it's got to have at least 3gigs of RAM. What do you have that will serve? Okay. What kind of screen does it have? Webcam? Okay, I'll take it. I also need a smart phone. No. I want a touch phone. Yeah, that's fine. No. I have an active account, but I don't have the phone with me. I have all my contacts and apps backed up online. I'll download it when I get the phone. Just activate it and I can do the rest."

She threw back her head and laughed, holding her ribs and wincing, "You know something, I don't know if that's the way you meant it, but I'll take that for a huge compliment." She told him to ring up the sale and send her mother on her way.

Jackson said, "I was afraid I'd never hear you laugh again. What was so funny?"

Loretta wiped the laughing tears from her eyes, and said, "The guy told me I was the nerdiest woman he'd ever spoken to."

Jackson laughed, too.

The next morning Dr. Stewart and Dr. Andrews visited Loretta together. Her mother had not arrived yet. Jackson was at work in the ER. Dr. Stewart said, "I initially thought we'd be able to release you today, but I think I'd like to keep you here another day or two. I want you to have some occupational therapy to help you get from the bed to a chair and back. We're going to take the catheter out this morning. A nurse will come in to help show you how to manage your wounds and use the bathroom. You have what amounts to a very badly botched episiotomy. We're bringing in a nurse from obstetrics to help you with that. I think probably by Thursday you'll be able to leave the hospital. I understand that you will be staying with Dr. Shepherd."

"He mentioned it, but I really hadn't intended to do so."

"You won't be able to drive for at least a month maybe longer. And I can't imagine that the drive over the mountains to Spencer would be very comfortable. I think you should stay in Asheville at least until you can drive."

Loretta made a face. "I'm betting that Jackson put you up to this, but I suppose you have a point. Okay."

"We'll plan on releasing you Thursday, or before. If you don't want to stay with Dr. Shepherd, we can arrange for you to go to a convalescent center."

"Thank you. I think that won't be necessary."

As soon as Dr. Stewart was out the door, Dr. Andrews said, "I'm not turning you over to some random OB nurse. I'm going to take care of this myself. This is going to be painful and it's going to be very embarrassing for you. She explained the mechanics of caring for the wounds. On the one hand Loretta was mortified to discuss such intimate thing with someone else. On the other, she was horrified to learn the full extent of her injuries.

The doctor removed the catheter and chatted for a few more minutes. Before she left, she said, "Jackson told me that he thought you might want to talk to a counselor."

Loretta thought about it for a minute. "I really don't want to, but I think I need to. A part of me is starting to come back to myself. Cutting back on the medicine may have a lot to to with that. Speaking of that, I want you to keep cutting it down because I hate the disconnected way I feel. I'd rather be in pain than feel so odd.

"Anyway, I think that I will be okay, but there are some things that really scare me and I'm afraid to think about them. Also, I had a panic attack yesterday when Jackson kissed me."

"Tell me about that."

"I don't know what to tell you. Jackson kissed me on the lips. I think that might have been the first time he tried to kiss me on the mouth. I kissed him back, and my body started to respond to him. Then, I just completely flipped out."

"You should understand that is not uncommon."

"It makes logical sense, but I'm pretty sure that it's not good for me."

"You're right. You will want to nip that in the bud right away or you could turn out to be literally afraid of men, including Jackson."

"I guess I'd better talk to someone, then." She looked up at the doctor with tears in her eyes, "I don't give a damn about the rest of male humanity, but I don't want to hurt Jackson. I never want to see the look in his eyes that he had when I pulled away from him. He was hurt and confused. He deserves better from me."

"Don't beat yourself up about it. It wasn't your fault, and I know that Jackson understands that. We'll get you taken care of."

Loretta looked at the doctor with a very serious expression, and a low almost throbbing voice, "One thing you need to understand about me, Dr. Andrews: I never beat myself up about anything. I may be only woman in America who absolutely, positively never feels guilty about anything. Ever. I live life facing forward and I don't look back."

Dr. Andrews looked shocked for a minute. Then tears sprang to her eyes and she whispered, "Maybe someday when you're feeling better you could fill me in on how you managed to accomplish that."

"I'm not sure I could do that. The fact is that I just made a decision one day to live my life my way and everybody else would just have to deal with it."

Dr. Andrews smiled, "I think somebody with that level of self-confidence and grit will get through this very well."

"I hope you're right."

It had been late in the evening by the time Loretta had got her computer set up and sent emails to her clients letting them know that he would be mostly out of pocket for a while, until she could clear her brain of medication. She gave them referrals to other security consultants they could contact in the meantime. She had been too tired by that point to log into any chats, but she sent out a blast email to her circle of friends letting them know that she was in the hospital,but would be fine and would reach out to them again soon. She had turned off the computer immediately.

After the doctor left, she logged on to her computer and found that she had more than 300 emails virtually every one of them "get well" wishes.

She read through them one at a time. Firing off replies and finding herself feeling better every time she hit 'Send'.

The physical therapists came in and took her to the occupational therapy room where they worked with her on getting into and out of chairs. The female therapist asked if she needed any help with bathroom techniques. Loretta said she was doing okay with the toilet, she wanted to know what she needed to do in order to take a shower. The woman explained the process and suggested that Loretta get assistance for her first shower. They scheduled an appointment for later that day.

They returned her to her room, which was filled with live plants. Freddie was arranging them on the wide window sill. The room looked like a greenhouse. Loretta said, "Who are these from?"

Her mother said, "I don't know. I didn't open the cards."

Loretta settled herself in her chair and Freddie started passing her the cards. While she was reading that batch another florist came in with an entire cart-full of plants. They had to put some of them on the floor.

Freddie said, "Tell me, who are these from?"

"Three of them are from my current clients the rest are from friends and most of my former clients. The guy I gave most of my accounts to must have sent out a message to them. The messages are overwhelming." She started to cry.

A nurse came in to check on her. Loretta asked her if someone could come to take most of the plants to other patients who didn't have gifts. Three aids arrived with carts a little while later. Loretta kept most of the plants that were on the windowsill, but gave away the overflow. Two more carts arrived later in the day. Loretta and Freddie admired the plants for a few minutes. They took the cards and told the florists to distribute the plants to any room that didn't have any flowers.

Jackson was visiting at that time. He said, "It seems odd to me that they are all live plants. No floral arrangements."

"It isn't odd at all. For one thing a lot of nerds tend to be kind of environmentalists, especially the ones on the West Coast. They wouldn't order cut flowers. But, the real reason is that a couple of years ago I went to a funeral in Scotland and when I came back I posted a positively hysterical screed on an online forum about how disgusted I was by the cut flower arrangements that people sent. I think I said something how inappropriate it seemed to send dead things to people who were burying their dead child. Anyway, my friends would never send me cut flowers except as a joke."

Jackson laughed. "I guess I better cancel the order I put in to the florist."

"If you ordered cut flowers, I'd recommend you divert them before they get to me."

He reached in his pocket and said, "I would never send you flowers. That seems too impersonal. From me, you'll have to settle for stuff like this." He handed her a ring box. Inside was a silver pinkie ring. It was an undecorated band. Loretta put it on and looked at him, raising her eyebrows to request an explanation. Jackson said, "Look at the engraving."

She took the ring off and looked inside. It read: "Remember: I keep my promises. JS"

She smiled and said, "I'm utterly speechless. Thank you."

He leaned over and brushed her lips with his. "I gotta run. I'm on duty in five minutes. I'll check in on you gals later. But, while I'm not here, you have a physical reminder that I meant it when I said we're in this together."

She reached up and cupped his cheek in her hand, "You are too wonderful to be true. Now, go before you're late for work."

Freddie asked if she could borrow the laptop so she could respond to pie orders explaining to customers that Miss Loretta was temporarily indisposed. Loretta handed her mother the laptop and fingered the ring on her hand while watching the clock, eagerly awaiting her shower.

The therapist showed up right at three o'clock with plastic sheeting, lots of towels, and a bag from the gift shop. She handed the bag to Loretta. "Doctor Shepherd isn't supposed to look at your chart, but I think he peeks. He somehow knew you were going to have a shower today. He thought you might like this better than the institutional crap we use." Loretta opened the bag to find very high end shampoo, body wash, cologne and body lotion. It was a spicy piney fragrance that reminded Loretta of the mountains she loved. She said to her mother, "Remind me that I want to have a real good cry about this later, but right now I'm too eager to get into the shower."

Freddie reached down and pulled out a bag from under her chair. "I got into the spirit, too. They said that you can wear a regular night gown now. Here's a gown and a robe."

Loretta laughed, "The last time I wore a nightgown and a matching robe was when I was in high school."

"What do you sleep in now, or do I want to know?"

"In the summertime I sleep in a tee shirt. In the winter I sleep in sweats."

Freddie made a face. Then she told Loretta to go take her shower.

When she came out of the shower, Loretta glowed, from the scalding water she insisted they use and with delight at smelling so good. She said to her mother, "Part of me would like to have scrubbed my body with a wire brush, but actually using these wonderful smelling products make me feel comforted and clean in an even better way."

About that moment a man knocked on the door and asked, "Am I interrupting?"

Loretta put her hands to her still-disfigured face and said, "Jeff! What the hell are you doing here?"

He walked in the door with a small bamboo planter and said, "Actually, I was about to ask you the same question." He put the planter down on her tray table, and leaned against the wall.

Loretta said, "Mama, this is Jeffrey Hendricks. He's the CEO of Microdynamics, my most important, lucrative and high maintenance client."

"Jeff, this is my mother, Freddie Russell."

Loretta said, "You answer my question before I answer yours."

"Well, the truth of the matter is, Loretta, I've always felt that we were friends as much as we have been business associates. We've worked together for nearly twenty years, and you've saved my bacon on more than one occasion. As soon as I learned you were in the hospital, I hopped in the car and drove up here without even thinking about it. If there is absolutely anything I can do for you, all you have to do is ask."

Loretta smiled. She put her hands in front of her face again because she knew her smiles were still rather gross due to the swelling. "Jeff, that is so nice. But, you didn't have to leave your business to come see me."

"That reminds me." He took a large envelope from his pocket, "There are notes in here from most of my employees who have worked with you, including every member of the IT department who adore you even though they know you think they're a bunch of jackasses." He winked. "Who knew they could actually write?

"Anyway, you drop everything and go to bat for me when I'm in trouble. I figured it was the least I could do to return the favor. You don't look sick. Were you in an accident?"

Loretta said, "No, actually..." She stopped. She had not previously spoken the words. She could tell that her mother was holding her breath. Loretta cleared her throat and said, "I was walking in the woods near our house when a man attacked me. I was raped and beaten." She closed her eyes and took a couple of deep breaths to make sure that she wasn't going to fall apart. She added, "I'll spare you the details."

She opened her eyes and looked into his face. What she saw there was nearly the same look of murderous rage she had seen on Ashbury's face, but this was not directed at her. Hendricks didn't say anything for several seconds. A vein just below his jaw throbbed. When he finally spoke, his voice was barely above a whisper. "Your physical injuries. Are they serious?"

Loretta said, "I have some broken bones, bruises and some pretty bad cuts. Nothing that won't heal eventually."

"I'm sorry to be so blunt, but you've caught me off guard. Do you have a good counselor?"

"My doctor has offered a referral if I need it."

He stared off into space for a long time, chewing on his lower lip. Finally he said, "You know that my wife has been dead for many years. What I never told you was that Sarah was murdered by a rapist. We had only been married a couple of years. Our daughter was a year old. I would be dead now, too, if it weren't for my therapist. If you don't feel the local counselors are helping you, I would consider it a privilege if you'd let me introduce you to mine. I'll pay for it."

Loretta was unable to speak for a long time. When she did finally speak, she said, "You know, I have an inkling of what its costing you to still be sitting here right now talking to me. What is more, I think that you just offered me a gift that is the most precious you can imagine. Thank you. If I need to, I most definitely will take you up on that, but you don't have to pay for it."

Hendricks cleared his throat and squirmed, saying, "We need to talk of other things, but I do have to ask. Did they catch the guy?"

Loretta nodded. "Yes."

She grinned without covering her mouth this time. "I put him in the hospital."

"Good." Jeff changed the subject to the weather and the future of Miss Loretta's pies. She said she was taking things one day at a time, but she definitely wanted to get back to pie-baking.

"I am not rushing you, but do you have any idea when you'll be back to your regular job? I will call the person you referred me to if I have to, but I'd rather not. You seem physically okay. You're my go-to gal."

"I will be fine, but I don't trust myself to handle complexities that could involve the future of your business when I have drugs in my system. I'm too addled for dealing with code. I've asked my doctors to wean me off of the painkillers, but that may take some time." She sighed, "After that, I'll have to deal with the pain, which can be just as bad for concentration. I'll be back as soon as I can trust my brain to be functioning at its previously amazing levels. But, not before. Your business deserves the best I can give you, and I won't come back until I can offer that."

Jeff stood up and said, "That brain of your is a phenomenal thing. I hope it bounces back, because if it does, the rest of you will be just fine."

"That's a good point. Thank you for visiting. I'd stand up to see you off, but I'm not going to let you see what that involves."

He looked at her with a puzzled expression. A dawning of understanding followed. Just before he turned away, she saw the hate well up in his eyes again.

He shook Freddie's hand and then Loretta's. She took his hand between hers and looked up into his miserable eyes, and said, "I don't think there is any injury the human soul can't heal from except hate."

He smiled with his mouth, but the pain in his eyes did not change, "You'll love my therapist, then. She's like a stuck record on that subject."

Loretta squeezed his hand and said, "You should listen to her."

He left quickly, and Loretta was pretty sure he was going to cry. She hoped it would help.

Loretta's appointment with the therapist was set for early in the evening. Freddie sat with Loretta while she ate supper. Loretta told her mother that she was tired and had more physical therapy later. She suggested that Freddie go back to the hotel so she could rest.

Loretta talked to the therapist for two hours. It was a wide ranging conversation, that dealt only briefly with the events of the attack itself. The woman said she mainly wanted to get to know Loretta first. She asked if it would be okay for her to talk to Freddie and, perhaps, even Jackson. Loretta told her that it would be okay for her to talk to Jackson, but she didn't want Freddie to know she was seeing a counselor.

"What did you tell her you were doing tonight."

"I told her it was extra physical therapy so I can go home tomorrow."

"Why don't you want her to know you're seeing a counselor?"

"Because she's old-fashioned about that kind of thing."

"She sees it as a sign of weakness?"

"Yes. In her world the only people it is acceptable to confide in are your best friend, your beautician and, maybe, your pastor."

The woman laughed, "How do you feel about it?"

"Well, the fact is, my BFF is dead, I cut my own hair, and I don't go to church. So, I'm pretty much stuck with hired help whether I like it or not."

"Which I take it you don't."

"I have no prejudice against your profession, it just pisses me off that I need it."

"Being angry is normal."

"I know it's normal and probably inevitable, but I am trying with every fiber in my being to substitute other emotions for anger. I am not an angry or bitter person. I am not hateful or vindictive. I will not allow a monster like that man to turn me into any of those things. I am going to get through this, and I will be glad to use any and every tool that may be at my disposal. Whether my mother approves or not."

"You have a good relationship with your mother?"

"We love each other, and actually living together lately has helped us achieve a certain level of understanding, but we have our challenges."

"What's the biggest obstacle in your relationship?"

"My lack of cooperation with her efforts to turn me into the kind of woman she wants me to be."

"She wants you to be a woman like her?"

"Pretty much."

"When did you start to rebel on that score."

"About the time I learned to talk, or before. I was born different from anybody my mama ever knew. She has never really known what to make of me."

"How did that make you feel?"

"Mostly resentful. It pisses me off when people tell me how to live my life. My mama is a Southern lady who has lived her entire life according to the Rules. I'm not saying she hasn't been happy. She loved my father. She's happy in her beautiful home. She loves her church. She wanted what they told her to want and she has been happy. She wanted the same for me, but I wanted something different. I resent the fact that she just can't let me be happy in my own way. Her and everybody else in Spencer."

In response to the follow up question about what made her happy, Loretta waxed eloquent for five full minutes about how fulfilled she was in her job and her online friends, and her new part-time job as a baker and cook in the Inn. She ended with, "And now I seem to have this amazing new potential relationship with Jackson. It's scary, but good-scary if you know what I mean."

"Do you think that what happened will change your relationship with Jackson?"

"My logical Mr. Spock mind tells me that there is no possible way that it won't affect our relationship, but ..." She held up her hand. "Do you see this ring? This is a physical reminder of the promise that Jackson and I made to each other not to let that happen. I have no earthly idea of how we will go about that. Maybe you can help with that. We are determined to make it work between us."

The woman looked at her watch and said, "I think you've probably had enough for today. I would like to talk to you again tomorrow before you leave. Just to touch base about how you feel about going to stay with Jackson. After that I'll let you determine how often you need me." She smiled, "I can tell already that you are going to be just fine."

Loretta sat up very straight in the chair, lifted her chin in an almost regal posture and said, "I know."

The therapist said, "I want you to know that I've been doing this for fifteen years and I've never had a patient say that this early in the game."

"Well, you have now. Let's see if we can't do this thing as quickly as possible."

"It's a process. It takes time."

"I am not a patient woman."

"That could be your biggest hurdle." She stopped at the door and asked, "How do you handle grief?"

"A little at a time."

"What do you mean by that?"

"Well, what I do when I grieve is I wall off my feelings and keep as busy as possible. When I am alone, I let out little bits of the grief and ponder them and cry and rage and let myself lie on the floor and want to die. Then I put it away, and get back to living my life until I find another appropriate and private time to deal with more of it."

"How long does that process take?"

"Only two people I've loved have died. My father died of cancer and he was sick for a long time, so I had plenty of time to prepare myself, plenty of time to do and say all the stuff I needed to do and say before he died. So for him I grieved hard for about a year. Little wavelets of grief still hit me from time to time, particularly when I hear a song that he liked, but I think I got through that okay.

"My best friend from college was raped and murdered by a man who then tried to attack me. That was sudden and dramatic. I grieved over her for years. In fact, I have a bad feeling that I'm going to have a serious attack of missing her the first time I find myself alone in a place where I can scream and cry." She looked at the woman with an odd expression, "You wouldn't have a padded room around here, would you?"

"No. We don't use those any more. We typically sedate people who get out of control. Do you think you need anything to help even out your emotions?"

"Absolutely not, and I don't want you to mention it again. What I want is to get all of the drugs out of my system, and get my head clear again. Then I can deal with my emotions in my way, by letting them out."

The doctor said, "I'll see you tomorrow after lunch."

"If Mama's here, tell her you have to take me to therapy, and then let's go to your office."

"How about I just have an orderly bring you to my office."

"I'd like that. A more professional setting than a bedroom."

"Being professional is important to you, isn't it?"

"Yes it is."

The woman left. Loretta was tired, but she knew Jackson got off work at nine, and she thought he might stop in before going home. She wanted to be in the chair instead of in bed. She leaned back her head and dozed. The nurse came in and asked if she wanted to go to bed. Loretta told her that she was actually more comfortable in the chair. She went to the bathroom and was heading for the chair when Jackson came in.

She stopped and reached out to him. He hugged her, but not too tight, and made as if to help her to the chair. She said, "Watch this!" and she proceeded to walk to the chair and lower herself slowly to the seat. The only sign of pain was the slight hesitation just before she put her butt on the cushion and her clenched teeth. Once she was seated, she let out a deep breath.

He said, "That was truly amazing. You should try to breathe through the the last few inches on the way to the seat. I think holding your breath may make it worse."

"I think you're right. I need to work on that."

"I heard you had a very handsome and possibly rich visitor today. Do I need to be jealous?"

"How did you hear that?" Loretta looked annoyed.

"A hospital is like a small town. Everybody knows everybody's business. I've been buttering up the nurses with your pies for months. They tell me absolutely everything they know."

Loretta shook her head. She wanted to be irritated, but found it too cute that the nurses were so good to him. "My visitor was one of my clients whose company is in Charlotte."

"He drove all the way from Charlotte here just to visit you?"

"Well, you see, I've done work for him for years. On two separate occasions I literally saved his business from ruin. He kind of owes his millions to me. I think he truly came to be nice, but he's a businessman, and I think the main thing he came for was to assure himself that I'm not going to up and die on him."

"How did that make you feel?"

"I thought it was nice of him to do something so spontaneous. He's not a spontaneous kind of guy. In his position, I'd have probably done the same thing and for the same complex reasons.

"How was your day?"

"Oh, the usual shootings, knifings, heart attacks and a toddler with a bean in its nose."

"You have an interesting job."

"That's one word for it. How are you feeling today?"

"Tired of people asking me how I feel? Oh, thank you for the shampoo and stuff. I smell wonderful, and that shampoo made my hair so shiny and soft, I can't believe it."

"I like your robe."

"That was from Mama. It's kind of frilly for me, but at least it's not pink and it doesn't have any bows on it."

He laughed. They lapsed into silence. She said, "I think they're letting me out tomorrow. Does your invitation still stand?"

"Yes."

"I talked to Mama today. Her pastor's wife is going to pick her up here tomorrow around noon. The doctor told me that I won't be able to drive for a month. I need some time totally alone, which I wouldn't have at home with Mama fussing around me. I will take you up on your offer to let me stay with you on two conditions. One, I don't want you to give up your bed. Frankly I'm more comfortable sitting anyway. Do you have a reclining chair?"

"Yes. There's a very comfortable leather recliner in the living room. Hell, I sleep in it about half the time."

"Good. I'll sleep there."

"What's your second condition?"

"I want you to continue to work. Maybe no 48 hour shifts in case I need food or anything, but I want to be alone for at least a few hours a day. I need to cry and rage and throw fits. I have to do that alone."

"I understand. We have a deal."

"Thank you. Now go home and enjoy some quality time in your recliner. I'm taking it over come tomorrow."

He said, "Okay. I'll see you tomorrow, Sugar. Do you want me to put you to bed before I go?"

"No. I'll call the nurse. I want to make a phone call before I go to bed."

She looked at her watch. It was already six thirty on the West Coast, but she knew her attorney usually worked late. She dialed his number and waited. He answered on the second ring. She identified herself and, in response to his question about how she was doing, she said, "Well, actually, I'm not so hot. I'm in the hospital in Asheville, North Carolina." She paused. "I was attacked in the woods near my house. No, it was a person. A man who beat and raped me." She paused again, "I'll be fine. I'm banged up physically and pretty rotten emotionally, but I'll get through it. I have a couple of legal matters I want you to take care of for me. Are you ready?

"Okay, first, I want to change my will. I presently am leaving all my money to my mother. I want to change that. I want all my money to go into a trust that will pay out the interest to my mother every year for as long as she lives. When she dies, I want the trust to be donated to the Mission Hospital in Asheville, designated for funding a position for a special counselor for rape victims. If Mama predeceases me, I want the entire trust to go to the endowment. Name the endowment the Sarah Hendricks and Karina Ognoff Memorial Fund. I will send you the information I have on both families. I want you to keep tabs on them so you have current contact information. I want the families notified when the Endowment is funded so they will know that their loved ones have not been forgotten, but I don't want them to know about it before I die.

"Second, I want you to find out everything you can about a man from Spencer, North Carolina. His name is Roy Ashbury. He's a native of Spencer but lived away for a number of years. His case is currently in the hands of the local police. They have a good case against him, but as far as a lot of old timers are concerned rape is barely a crime in the mountains. Especially when the rapee is somebody like me who's been warned for years not to traipse around in the woods alone. I'm very afraid that, what with him being a good-old local boy and me being me, they will figure out a way to give him a slap on the wrist. I'd like to know if he's committed other crimes. I don't care if it's skipping out on a parking ticket. I want to find enough stuff to put the bastard away for a long time so I can feel safe. Hire all the private investigators you need. I think the guy's probably got some dirt that I'd like to hand to the prosecutor. That lazy jerk sure as hell won't go to any trouble to dig it up himself.

"Third, I want you to do some research and find out who is the best neurosurgeon in the country. I am terrified that the combination of the beating, the anesthesia they gave me and the drugs they are pumping into me will have some kind of effect on my brain. I want to consult with an expert.

"You got that?"

"Yes, I do. Now answer me this question. How okay are you really?"

"I am not okay at all, but nobody knows, and I'm aiming not to let them find out."

"Do you want me to come there?"

"No free trips to the Smokies for you, at least not right now. Oh, you don't do any criminal work do you?"

"Other than the fact that I have a couple of very dishonest clients, no."

"Find a good criminal lawyer in North Carolina. I want somebody to keep poking the local prosecutor."

"Okay. You stay in closer touch than you have been, do you hear me?"

"So you can bill me for the calls? No. You'll hear from me when I need you to do some legal work. These assignments should be enough to keep the doors open for a few days."

"I wish all my clients were as warm and fuzzy as you."

"I bet you do. Email me the will. I'll have it executed here in the hospital. Should I give them a copy of it?"

"Only if you want their fund-raising people to start checking on your health monthly."

"Understood. I guess we'll just keep it between us, then."

She hung up without saying good-bye. Then she got up, walked slowly to the bed, and collapsed in a heap, wracked by body-quaking sobs, but making no noise at all.

## Chapter 14

Jackson told Loretta he had traded with another doctor for an early shift so he could get off in time to take her home when she was discharged. At 5:30 AM, he came in to check on her. She was still curled up in a fetal position at the bottom of the bed. She thought it was a nurse coming in, so she pretended to be sleeping.

He picked her up, turned down the bed and laid her out, with her head properly on the pillow, adjusting her nightgown around her and pulling up the covers. She opened one eye, "I'm not going to wake all the way up, but I want to say thank you. I didn't have the energy for scooting last night."

"You overdid it yesterday."

"Yes, I know. Get the hell out of here and let me sleep until the nurse comes in to prod and poke me." She paused and then looked at him with both eyes wide and pleading, "Can you make them stop giving me pain-killers. I don't think I need it and I don't like how it makes me feel."

"You're in a lot of pain now and you're taking pain medication. Are you sure you want to try to go without it?"

"Yes. I hate the way it makes me feel. It's just like I used to feel when I smoked pot in college. I hate it."

"You smoked pot?"

"Heck, yeah, didn't you?"

"No. I've always been a 'fraidy cat about stuff like that."

"Then you should know how I feel now."

"I know how you feel about not wanting to feel all fuzzy, but as a doctor, I'd recommend taking the meds for a little while longer. You still have a lot of healing to do."

"Have you been peeking?"

"At your chart? Yes."

"That's unethical."

"I think it's probably illegal and I could be fired for it."

"Why are you doing it?"

"Because I want to make sure that Jessica and Dr. Stewart are taking the best possible care of you."

"Are they?"

"I think so."

"Okay. I won't pitch a fit about the meds while I'm here, but I don't promise to take any pills after I leave."

"We'll cross that bridge when we come to it."

Freddie came in while Loretta was eating breakfast. They visited for a while and then Loretta had to go to physical therapy.

The pastor and his wife came in just after the hospital served Loretta's lunch. Loretta had asked them to stop at the inn and pick up her purse and pack a few clothes for her. They brought in her purse and a suitcase. The minister asked if he could say the grace and pray over her. She started to ask him not to, and then caught Freddie's eye. She could tell that her mother desperately wanted the pastor to pray over her. She nodded and bowed her head. He laid his hands on her and prayed for so long she was afraid her soup was going to get cold. Eventually, he wound down. They sat with her while she ate, and then the pastor and his wife stepped out to let Freddie and Loretta say goodbye.

Freddie started to cry, and Loretta put her hands on her mother's shoulders and said, "Mama, please don't do that. I'll be fine here. I can't take care of you and me. You have help and support and your own home in Spencer. We need to do it this way. You know Jackson's worse of a mother duck than you are when it comes to me."

"Believe me that is the only reason I'm going home now."

After Freddie left, Loretta dressed. She thought she'd be better off with dresses than pants, so she had them bring her a skirt and sweater from the attic. She'd need to do some shopping.

Once she was dressed, she waited for the orderly to fetch her for her appointment with the shrink.

They talked mostly about her feelings about being alone with Jackson under such intimate circumstances. They talked about how to breathe through a panic attack and other sort of practical techniques she could use to hold herself together.

She told the therapist, "I like your style. I like having tools I can use to help me process emotions instead of just talking about my feelings."

"If necessary, there will be time to talk about your feelings at some point. Right now, we're still in the immediate aftermath stage where what you need to learn to do is to get through the pain without letting it overwhelm you but also without repressing it. You have to give your pain permission to exist, and you have to acknowledge it. But, you also have to be able to function. I think the way you manage grief is sort of on the right track. I'm just trying to help you tweak your technique a little.

"Do you feel ready to go home with Jackson?"

"I'd rather go home to Mama's but Jackson's place has an elevator and Mama's doesn't. My bedroom is in the attic. I guess I'll be better off with Jackson. For a couple of reasons."

"What would that be?"

"He's willing to acknowledge my pain and not make me hide it."

"And your mother isn't?"

"Mothers don't want to see their children hurting."

"I will tell you I think you are better off with Jackson, for a whole host of reasons."

Loretta stood slowly, "Reasons which I'm sure you'll want to discuss in excruciating detail over the coming weeks and/or months."

"Most likely."

Loretta shook the woman's hand and started out the door.

"Aren't you going to wait for the orderly?"

"I'll meet him somewhere along the way."

The orderly caught up with her while she was on her way back to her room, and whisked her off in the wheel chair. Dr. Andrews and Dr. Stewart were waiting for her. Dr. Stewart looked displeased to see her dressed. He told her he'd like to examine her. She sighed. He stepped out of the room. Loretta asked Dr. Andrews if she would call a nurse to help her undress. The doctor said, "I'll help you."

She helped Loretta out of her skirt and underwear, put her on the bed and draped her with a sheet. Then she called Dr. Stewart. He tried to get Loretta to put her feet in the stirrups, but she cried out. He said, "Never mind. We'll deal with the scar tissue later. Let's not stretch too much now. Just put your feet flat on the bed."

Dr. Andrews moved around the bed and steadied Loretta's knees. Loretta closed her eyes and started saying square roots in her head. A few minutes later, Dr. Stewart stretched her legs down and covered her. He touched her shoulder. "Did you hear what I said?"

"No. I'm sorry."

"Were you meditating or something?"

"Sort of. I was reciting square roots. It makes me concentrate really hard, so I can ignore something I don't want to experience, like that exam."

He smiled, "That's probably a good technique, if you know the square root tables."

"I do. How am I, Doctor?"

"You are doing remarkably well. Your ribs are going to be sore for a while. Nothing we can do about that. Drink milk. Maybe take a calcium supplement. The cuts are healing. Next week, I'll see you in the office. Internally, I used the kind of sutures that dissolve into the body. Externally I used regular sutures. We'll take those out next week. Once the cuts are healed over, we'll get you started on some exercises to help with flexibility."

Loretta nodded.

Dr. Andrews handed her several prescriptions, indicating that one was daytime pain medication, one was nighttime pain medication and one was a high-powered medication in case the others were insufficient.

Loretta shook their hands, and sat in the chair waiting for Jackson, reading a newspaper on her phone, with a cane propped up next to her chair. She had suggested to the physical therapists that she might feel a little more stable walking if she had a cane, so they had one sent up to her.

Getting in the car was more painful than she expected, particularly in view of the fact that they had taken her off the IV medicine early in the morning and she had spit out the pills they gave her with lunch. She asked Jackson if they could stop at a discount store so she could pick up some things. He asked if she wanted to get a scooter. She said she thought she could manage okay with the cane. He asked if she had any scripts to fill. She said she didn't. She went to the vitamin aisle and took a list from her purse. She put about ten different vitamins and herbs into the cart. Then she said she wanted to go to the women's department. She picked out three skirts and several tops, some cotton underwear and a couple of camisoles. She threw in a warm long robe and a long flannel nightgown. Jackson made a face. "How romantic."

"I'm going for warmth."

"I guess it will be good for snuggling on cold nights."

"We'll talk about that later. Let's go. I'm getting tired."

She paid for her purchases and Jackson carried them to the car. He asked if she wanted to stop for something to eat. She said, "Could we get takeout? I don't know how many more times I will be able to get in and out of the car today."

He called ahead for Chinese takeout, which was ready by the time they got to the store. Jackson picked up the food and drove in silence the rest of the way to his house. Loretta had fallen asleep. She didn't wake up when he pulled into the parking garage, so he took the purchases and the food to his apartment. She was still sleeping when he came back. He opened her car door and reached in to pick her up. "Come on, Sleeping Beauty, you need to quit overdoing it."

She woke up and told him to put her down so she could walk. He told her to shut up and go back to sleep. He carried her to the elevator. Then he propped her up in the corner and handed her the cane. "Are you awake enough to walk?"

She yawned, "Yes. I feel like I have a bad hangover."

"You stopped taking the meds didn't you?"

"Yes. They took me off the drip this morning."

"What about the pills?"

"What pills?"

"The ones they gave you after they stopped the drip."

"I didn't see any pills."

"Remind me when you're better that you need a spanking."

"That's a hell of a thing to say to somebody in my situation."

"Yes. It was totally inappropriate. I'm very sorry, Sugar."

"Don't dance around me, Jackson. I want you to treat me normally."

"Okay, then you need a spanking."

She laughed. "I'm hungry."

"Food's on the table."

"How'd that happen."

"I brought our stuff in while you were sleeping."

"I was out that deep?"

"Totally zonked."

He showed her around the apartment. There wasn't much to see. One bedroom with a bath and a walk in shower. Combined living room, kitchen and dining area. The furnishings were spare and neutral. It reminded her of a hotel room, but it was twenty times nicer than any apartment she had ever lived in on her own. The most important things she noticed were the handicapped accessible bathroom and the big leather chair in the corner of the living room.

After they ate their early dinner, Jackson suggested that she rest. She said she wanted to take a shower and change her clothes. She came out of the shower a little while later, dressed in her long nightgown, smelling like a forest. He had brought out a quilt his mother had made and some pillows for her to sit on.

She looked at him sheepishly and said, "Do you think you could borrow a shower stool from the hospital. It's very hard for me to stand up and wash my hair."

"I'll buy one tomorrow."

"One other thing I should have bought." She looked embarrassed.

"What?"

"Sanitary pads."

"Are you having your period?"

"Not yet, but it's due any day."

He looked at her oddly. "I'll pick up a stool and pads on my way home tomorrow. Don't freak out if your period is late. Surgery and trauma often screw up a woman's cycle."

"You and I both know that I'm going to be positively a basket case until my period starts, and we're not going to discuss that. Neither of us can afford to worry about what might or might not happen in the future. We have to focus on right now."

"You're taking this counseling stuff seriously, aren't you?"

"Trying to. What about you?"

"I haven't had time to call my guy back."

"Sheila wants to talk to you."

"Who?"

"Sheila, my therapist. I don't remember her last name. She's going to catch up with you at work and talk to you about the care and feeding of me."

"Do you want me to pay attention?"

"You can listen. I think the important thing will be for us to work out together, by a process of elimination, what works for us and what doesn't."

"You're scaring me a little bit because it sounds to me like you're going all clinical. I thought I was the one who would do that, and Casey warned me not to do that."

"I guess I understand why he would have warned you. He probably didn't want you to give me the impression you were backing off."

"Yeah, but you're doing it to me, now. And Casey's right, it's scary."

"Sorry. I can't deal with strong emotions any other way, but I can be very honest about what I'm doing. Will you settle for that?"

He kissed her nose and said, "I guess so. How about I tuck you in before you fall asleep standing up."

"What are you going to do?"

"I'm going to read for about thirty seconds and then pass out from emotional and physical exhaustion."

"Exciting evening we're having here. What time is it?"

"About seven."

"I have to leave for work at six. I'll try not to wake you."

When Jackson got up at 5:15 the next morning, Loretta was up and had the coffee made. She looked at him and said, "I'm going to need permission to access the bathroom even if you're in bed."

"Please, do not hesitate to come in if you have to go to the bathroom at night."

She hurried into the other room as fast as she could go, which wasn't very fast. The next thing he heard was, "Oh, shit!"

He ran into the bedroom and stopped at the closed bathroom door. "You okay."

"I'm fine. I just didn't make it all the way. Now I have to change my clothes. Go on to work. I'll talk to you later. Is the laundry in the basement."

"No it's in the closet in the hall next to my bedroom door, but don't worry about it. I need to do some laundry when I get home anyway."

"Don't forget the shower stool and pads."

"Look in the fridge and text me if we need any groceries."

"Bye."

"Bye."

He was gone. She cleaned herself up and put in a load of clothes, his and hers together. She checked out the contents of the fridge, which consisted of the leftover Chinese from last night, two beers, a bottle of ketchup, a bottle of sour milk and half of leftover pizza that looked like it had been there for weeks. She made a shopping list and texted it to him.

Then, knowing that she would be alone for several hours, she curled up on the couch and sobbed. When she couldn't cry any more, she washed her face, called her mother and talked for half an hour. Then she ate the Chinese leftovers and made some iced tea. She put the clothes in the dryer and did a load of towels and sheets that he had thrown on the floor in the bedroom. His house was very neat, but it was dusty. She dusted the furniture and found a dust mop in the broom closet. There was no way she could vacuum, but she could push a dust mop.

She took a short nap, and was dressed and sitting on the couch reading a magazine when Jackson came in.

He looked around and said, "For somebody who's supposed to be recovering from surgery, it looks like you've been awfully busy."

"I was just putzing. I didn't overdo it at all. You will be happy to know, I even took a nap."

While she put away the groceries, he put the shower stool and the sanitary pads in the bathroom. She noticed the next time she went in there that he had put box of pads on the floor beside the toilet, so he could see when she opened them. She swore under her breath, but she didn't move the box.

They cooked supper together. He looked at the foods and the bottles and vials she had lined up on the sink. "Why do I get the feeling that somebody in this house is into homeopathic medicine?"

"Because someone is."

"Since how long?"

"I never did the vitamin routine before, but I'm pulling out all the stops right now. My thing was always nutrition, herbs and exercise. I've used exclusively homeopathic treatments for years. There was a Chinese lady who lived on my block who could cure almost anything with herbal remedies. She swore she could cure cancer. I don't know about cure it, but she could sure as hell slow it down. Actually, I wouldn't mind finding an acupuncturist. I bet that would help a lot with both my pain and stiffness."

"I don't know of too many acupuncturists in Asheville, and to my knowledge we don't have any Chinese herbalists either."

"I bet you do. I bet I could find one with a phone call."

"How?"

"I'd call that Chinese restaurant and ask them if they know of one. Even if they use regular medicine for their family, if they're really Chinese they'll know who the herbalists are."

"When was the last time you went to a regular doctor before this past week?"

"When I had my physical for enrollment at MIT."

"You haven't had a PAP smear in 20 years or a mammogram ever?"

"I've never had a PAP smear either. I wouldn't let them do a pelvic exam because I was embarrassed."

"Do you know what that sounds like to a doctor?"

"I have an idea. It probably sounds to you like it sounds to me when people tell me they don't like to use computers. It makes me cringe."

"Actually, it makes me feel kind of useless to you."

She smiled, "You're not my doctor and you never would be, so don't sweat it. I plan to take care of myself with vitamins, herbs, awesomely wonderful nutrition, lots of sleep and fresh air. You will take care of me with love and kindness, which I plan to return, by the way. Together we will get me back in my old form. I'm not sure how long it will take, but I guess we'll find that out as we go along."

They sat down to the best meal Jackson had eaten, ever. It wasn't exactly Southern food, but it reminded him of his mother's cooking. "How did you do that? This food is ultra healthy. It looks like something you'd see in a trendy restaurant, but it tastes like what my mama used to make."

"I've been playing with recipes, trying to make food taste like down home Southern food without posing an immediate danger of a cardiac incident. I've got some really good ones. You may actually put on a few pounds, but you could use it."

After dinner, they cleaned up the kitchen together. She asked if he'd mind taking her for a short walk before they settled in for the night. He looked skeptical. "It's kind of chilly."

"We won't go far, but I need a daily dose of fresh air."

"Okay." He led her into the bedroom. "You may not have noticed this. I have a balcony off my bedroom. It faces west, toward the mountains. It gets the afternoon sun and it's recessed enough that it's not too windy. Feel free to use it in the daytime."

Her face lit up. "Oh, that would be spectacular! I could see the mountains, and watch the sunset every day. Thank you."

He looked around. "You know, you don't need to do my laundry or make my bed."

"I did better than that. I washed your sheets and towels and changed the bedclothes."

"Why?"

"Because I wanted to."

They walked around the block. Loretta took her cane, but she mainly leaned on Jackson. On the way back he asked, "Do you plan to keep your appointment with Dr. Stewart?"

"I plan to see him next week because there are stitches that need to be removed. After that, I'll determine whether I will see him again depending on the course of treatment he has in mind."

"What course of treatment do you have in mind?"

"I called my neighbor from Silicon Valley. After she got finished doing what I assumed was swearing in Chinese for a few minutes and then yelling at me in English for moving away to such a dangerous place, she took my address and told me she was going to send me a lotion that will help me heal, prevent infection and restore flexibility to my pelvic area. She said it's an Chinese herbal postpartum treatment. She said there are exercises that go with it. She doesn't write English, so she was going to get someone to help her with the instructions."

He didn't respond. She looked at him and said, "What?"

He said, "I am speechless."

"About what?"

"About the sort of businesslike way you are going about this. You're freaking me out a little."

"I'm sorry. The only way I know how to deal with trouble is straight on."

Days passed, and neither of them had spoken about the unopened box of sanitary pads in the bathroom. It sat there gathering dust, a testament to their unspoken anxiety.

Loretta took no pain pills. Her ribs hurt when she breathed, so she kept them taped. Her bottom burned constantly. She was afraid there was infection, but she was not running a fever. On Saturday, Loretta received the package from the Chinese lady. She followed the instructions carefully. The cream made her wounds feel better instantly. She started doing the exercises, which hurt like hell, but she did them anyway, several times a day.

The following week, Jackson rearranged his schedule so he could take Loretta to Dr. Stewart's office. Jackson stayed in the waiting room while Loretta went into the office. She undressed and waited for the doctor. She was still a little sore, but the cream had helped heal the cuts and the exercises had helped lot with the stiffness. On Tuesday, she stopped using the cane. By her appointment on Thursday, she was able to undress without difficulty and climb up onto the examining table – gingerly – but without undue difficulty.

Dr. Steward asked if she thought she could put her feet in the stirrups and she complied without hesitation or significant pain. He adjusted his examination light and a look of astonishment washed over his face. Loretta wanted to laugh, but maintained a non-committal expression. He said, "This is looking very good. I'm amazed at how supple and flexible the skin is. I was expecting the scar tissue to be much worse. I'm going to take the stitches out. If you continue to progress like this in the next week, I may release you to be able to drive the next time I see you." He snipped at the stitches and then stood up and said, "Go ahead and get dressed. I'll meet you in my office. Do you need assistance?"

"No. I'm fine. I'd like for Jackson to join us."

"Why?"

"There's nothing you can say that he can't hear."

"That's highly irregular."

"It's the way I want it."

"Alright."

She sat up and said, "Wait a minute. Before you go. I want you to do a pregnancy test. My period was due several days ago and it hasn't started yet."

The doctor looked horrified. "We can do a blood test to make sure. The urine test works best with your first void of the morning."

Loretta reached into her bag and pulled out a pill bottle in a plastic baggie. "I kept this in the fridge until we left for your office, so it should be okay."

He took the baggie as though it were radioactive and left the room.

Loretta got dressed and stuck her head out to the waiting room to call Jackson. They walked into Dr. Stewart's office hand in hand. He was studying her chart. He didn't look at or acknowledge Jackson. He said to Loretta, "Your healing is barely short of miraculous. I've never seen such horrible injuries heal so fast."

Loretta looked bored. Jackson chuckled. He looked at Loretta and asked, "Did you tell him what you have been doing."

"Of course not. He wouldn't care."

Dr. Stewart raised his eyebrows and asked, "Let me be the judge of that."

Loretta shrugged and said, "I ordered some lotion from a Chinese lady I knew in California. She sent me the lotion along with instructions for stretching exercises that have helped enormously. I can dress myself now without difficulty. I quit using the cane. I'm still sore and I don't really want to try to wear pants yet, but I feel much better."

"Do you need a refill on your pain meds."

"I never filled the first script."

"What?"

"I don't like to take medicine. It makes me feel strange and I can't concentrate. In my job, I need to be able to focus."

Dr. Stewart didn't ask what she did. He said, "Well, I'll want to see you again in a week and we'll discuss driving."

Loretta didn't move. "What about the results of that pregnancy test?"

"Do you know what's in the cream you're using?"

"No."

"Then I'd like to wait until we get the blood test back tomorrow. The urine test was positive, but that could have been affected by the ingredients in the cream you are using. I'll have the blood test results tomorrow. I'll call you."

Loretta stood up. Jackson somehow managed to follow suit. She held out her hand and said, "I'll talk to you tomorrow."

She walked out of the office without showing any emotion. Jackson followed her, looking as though he couldn't decide whether to run away or vomit.

Loretta stopped at the desk and paid her co-payment, chatting pleasantly with the billing clerk. Neither of them spoke as they walked to the car. Once they were in the car, Jackson turned to her and said, "How in God's name did you remain so calm."

"Let's wait until we get the blood test before we panic. For one thing, God alone knows what's that cream. It could be ground up fetus for all I know. Let's wait until tomorrow. And then if the test is positive, well.... Is abortion legal in North Carolina?"

"It's legal, but it's not easy to find someone who will perform one."

"If necessary, I'll visit friends in California."

"You're serious?"

"There is no way in hell I am going to have that bastard's baby. There is no ifs ands or buts about it. Do you have a problem with that?"

"I've always been pro-choice."

"That's not good enough. Being theoretically pro-choice is one thing. Being involved with someone who has had an abortion is something else. I want to know how you really feel."

"I need to think about that."

"Understood. Let me know where you come out with that."

Jackson asked if she wanted to stop for a bite. She said she'd rather cook at home. They went home and she made a fabulous vegetable pot pie with a sweet potato crust that almost made Jackson cry.

The next day he got up for work at 5:30. Loretta had coffee made, his lunch packed and a breakfast sandwich on a plate. She smiled at him and said, "I'm going for a walk all by myself today."

"Really?"

"Yes. The weather is supposed to be good. I will call you when I leave the house and I will check in when I get home. How about that?"

"Well, aren't you just the most adventurous thing?"

She smiled. "I hope to be again, yes."

While she was walking, she got a call from Dr. Stewart's office. The blood test was negative. She hit speed-dial for Jackson's number. The call went straight to voice mail. She said, "Peter Cottontail lives! Bring wine for dinner."

## Chapter 15

Jackson swept through the door at 5:30 with a bottle of Loretta's favorite Australian Merlot held aloft, saying, "Break out the glasses!"

She smiled, "Excellent. That will go good with the balsamic glazed salmon with mixed grilled root veggies and spinach salad I've made for dinner."

"We're going for antioxidants, it looks like."

"Sure are."

He held up the wine and said, "Here's my contribution."

She puttered around the kitchen while Jackson showered and changed his clothes. When he came out of the bedroom, she had the table set and the wine poured.

He leaned against the door jamb and said, "You surprise me. I never figured you for the domestic goddess type. You'd better stop spoiling me."

Loretta smiled, a bit sadly, he thought, and said, "Actually, I've kind of surprised myself. In a way it feels a little like I'm playing house. What is surprising is that I really am enjoying it. Keeping this apartment and cooking for you would not keep me busy if I were operating at my full capacity, but in my present circumstances, what with napping half the day and exercising so much, it makes me feel productive and useful. Besides, you know how I love to cook. And you're a much more adventurous eater than Mama."

They did not talk much while they ate. Loretta picked at her food, while Jackson tucked in with relish. He had been very worried over the past few days and had not eaten very much. He seemed to be making up for lost time. They cleaned up the kitchen together. When they were finished, Jackson took her in his arms, kissed her and said, "Thank you so much for that wonderful dinner. I love coming home to an apartment filled with the smells of good food and the face of a beautiful woman."

Loretta kissed him back, saying, "On the one hand, it's the least I could do since you took me in when I couldn't go home." She winked, "On the other, I love doing it. I love how your face lights up when I make you special surprises."

He tilted her chin up so she had to look into his eyes and said, "Then why do you seem so sad and worried. I thought you would be relieved and happy after your news today."

"That's what I want to talk to you about. Let's sit down."

She poured tea and they sat at the kitchen table.

"As far as I am concerned a pregnancy would have been something easily dealt with. A pain, granted, but I already made a tentative appointment with a local abortion clinic. I even found out that my medical insurance would pay for it in the case of rape."

He patted her hand, "I have never met or could have imagined a woman so strong and so organized that she would make those kinds of arrangements in advance."

"It beats curling up in a fetal position and worrying myself to death. But, you see that's how my mind works. It's highly organized. It's all about making categories for things, planning for every possible eventuality that might arise from every action I take or that someone else takes towards me. The reason I'm so good with computers is because my mind works like one." She paused for a long time, looking down at her hands lying on the table. Eventually she swallowed and took a deep breath, saying, "Or, more accurately, it did."

She looked up at Jackson and held his gaze. "I am very afraid I may have some kind of brain damage. At first, I thought it was due to the drugs. That was one reason I was so eager to stop the painkillers. I haven't taken any drugs in over a week, but I'm still having problems with my thinking. How long do you think it take to get all those drugs totally out of my system?"

He made a face, "Could take weeks to fully flush your body of all the chemicals. What exactly is the problem. Memory loss? That's common after surgery. The anesthesia does that."

"Is it permanent?"

"Not usually, but sometimes it is, especially with older patients."

"It's not really short term memory loss. It's deeper than that. It's technical abilities that don't seem to be working. I noticed it first in the hospital when we were doing some of the physical therapy exercises. My usual technique for dealing with painful or unpleasant things that I just have to power through, is to do math tables in my head. I found that I was making mistakes. That's why I have not been working. Jeff Hendricks is beside himself that I have not started working yet, but I work in a profession where a mistake from me could bring down a company, and I won't go back to work until I'm sure I'm fit for it.

"I have to tell you, Jackson, this scares me more than everything else combined. Physical wounds heal. I think that with my inner strength, the love of you and Mama, and plenty of therapy, my emotional wounds will heal, too. But, if I have the kind of brain damage that puts me out of business, I don't know what I'll do."

"I'm sure that you could find a job that you could do."

"It isn't a question of money. I have lots of money invested. If I were careful, and especially if I lived with Mama and continued to sell pies, I wouldn't need to work at a regular job ever again. For me, the more important thing is the emotional and psychological thrill I get from the work I do. It's truly mind-bendingly difficult, but it is very exciting, and I love doing it."

She sat up straighter and the pitch of her voice lowered about an octave. She continued to look directly into his eyes, "Because I am a worrier, and I can't stand the uncertainty, I have made an appointment with a neurosurgeon in Boston. If you could possibly get away, I'd love for you to go with me. I'm afraid I may not understand all the medical mumbo-jumbo, and I know I'll be so nervous I may not be able to focus and to listen like I should. I want you to go with me, if you possibly can."

"They won't talk to me."

Loretta walked over to the desk and pulled a sheet of paper out of a folder, "Yes, they will. I had my attorney draw this up. It's a medical power of attorney. I sign this and you become fully in charge of my medical care and treatment. I can revoke it at any time – at least while I am competent – , but when it is in force, my doctors will take orders from you and you alone. Not even me."

Jackson looked at her with a mixture of astonishment and horror. "I can't believe you would hand this kind of power over your life to me – or anyone."

She sat down on his lap and said, "Jackson, you handed me my life when you made me decide to live. I could have died, if not from my wounds then from bitterness." She touched his face, "But, I'm not going to die now because you gave me a reason to live. At the time, the only reason I lived was because you wanted me to. Now, I want to live, too. I want to live a full and wonderful life. If I'm going to have doctors messing with my brain (which is the part of me I value the most), I want someone with me who has medical training and can help me make fully informed decisions. And, importantly for me, I want it to be a person who will deal with any potential unfortunate outcome in the manner I want to have it handled. I can tell you that before I sign this, you and I are going to have a serious talk about my wishes."

"Would you be hurt if I asked to think about this first?"

She smiled at him with love shining in her eyes and whispered, "I think I'd be a little worried if you signed that form too quickly, without pondering the true enormity of what I am asking you to do."

He said, "Let me think about it for a couple of days. I may even want to talk to Casey about it. When is your appointment?"

"Two weeks. I wanted to get all the drugs out of my system and get myself as physically fit as I can."

"I'll let you know at the end of the week. By the way, Sheila Bogden and I had lunch together. I like her very much. She likes you, but we both have serious doubts about whether or not she is the right person to help you. For one thing, you are way smarter than she is and you intimidate her. For another, she works almost exclusively with women who make decisions with their emotions. She doesn't know how to deal with you. I jokingly told her maybe we should trade. I make impulsive and emotional decisions that I frequently regret. Maybe I should see her and you should see Casey. She said she thought it might be a good idea for you to talk to Casey, because you tend to think more like a man. Maybe we could see him together, on the subject of this," he tapped the paper, "anyway."

She nodded, "Okay. I think that may not be a bad idea. I had the impression that Dr. Bogden didn't like me."

"It isn't that she didn't like you. You freaked her out a little. She's not used to dealing with people like you."

"My dad used to call me Tigger."

"What?"

"Tigger, like in the Winnie the Pooh books. Because Daddy always said I was one of a kind. As far as most of the people in Spencer were concerned, that was a bad thing to be. My dad was kind of okay with it, but don't tell Mama that.

"Anyway, I agree that maybe we should talk to your guy, but right now we have something else important to discuss."

"What's that?"

She put her hand over his and said, "Well, it may have escaped your notice – it sure as hell did mine – that Christmas is coming. This season, I would like to do two things. First, sometime between now and Christmas, I want to go to Biltmore. It's been years since I've been there when it was decorated for the holidays, and I want to go. I'll pay. Secondly, we need to discuss how to get me to Spencer before you take off for South Carolina for the holiday..."

He held up his hand in a stop sign and said, "I'm way ahead of you, Sugar. On the first question, the hospital's Christmas party is a week from tomorrow, at Biltmore. There will be dinner and dancing in the restaurant, with free tours of the house. I bought two tickets because I remember you mentioned at some point you liked that place. So. Please buy an evening gown this week, by the way. Make it something elegant and festive instead of the granny clothes you usually wear. I know you hate to dress up, but I'm asking you to humor me, if only this once.

"On the second point, I have to work on Christmas. I have already talked to your mother. If you are able to make the drive, we will go pick her up the weekend before Christmas. She insists on staying in the hotel where she stayed before, but she'll be in town. I'm working from 3:00 AM to 3:PM both Christmas Eve and Christmas Day. I'm off the day after Christmas. We will decorate the tree on Christmas Eve just before I pass out from exhaustion. You and your mother will spend Christmas Day cooking a fabulous meal, which I will eat just before I pass out. On the day after Christmas, we'll hang around here and play with our presents or go out and look at the Christmas lights. What do you think of that?"

"I think it's very wonderful. It's like the perfect Christmas. Every other Christmas of my life, has been one of two t hings: either I was at home spending Christmas with Mama and three quarters of the town of Spencer, which made me nuts; or, I was spending it totally alone eating peanut butter sandwiches and chatting with other losers online. Spending Christmas with the two people I love most will be wonderful. Thank you."

She paused, "Will you feel weird taking a patient to the Christmas party?"

"You're not my patient, and everybody knows it. I hope you don't feel weird being at a party with all your doctors and nurses."

"I'll manage if it's something you want me to do."

The next day while Jackson was at work, Loretta called a cab and had the driver take her to the nearest mall. She asked him to pick her up in two hours. She purchased an evening gown, a couple of pairs of dress slacks and tailored shirts, a black blazer and two sweaters. She bought some shoes, including one pair of sexy slippers for the Christmas party and plain black flats to go with the trousers. She also bought a pretty red Christmas sweater that she knew would surprise and delight her mother, who had always insisted (over Loretta's objections) that they wear Christmas sweaters for the holiday. She also bought a small suitcase for her trip to Boston because the one the pastor's wife brought her was an ancient hard-sided suitcase that belonged to her mother.

She hid the purchases in the hall closet.

Jackson had arranged for them to meet with Casey the following day, which was Jackson's day off. Casey wanted to meet them at Jackson's apartment so he could watch them together in a non-clinical setting. They invited him to lunch. Loretta served a hot chicken salad casserole and followed it with a sweet potato pie. Casey laughed and patted his stomach, "Well, I don't know about your psychological health, but you are one fabulous cook. That's for sure."

Loretta laughed and said, "One thing I've learned from watching the Food Channel with Mama, you can be mad as a hatter, but if you can cook, it's okay. So, maybe it doesn't matter if I go all the way to nuts. I can become a chef."

Casey smiled, "You may be right, but I'd like to avoid that if possible."

The three of them talked for several hours. Casey asked them questions that made them each uncomfortable, but they answered as honestly as they could. At the conclusion of the conversation, Casey folded his hands and said to Loretta, "I have to tell you, I've worked with a lot of families who have experienced a violent crime. I have never seen anyone handle the aftermath in quite the way that you are doing. I'm not a hundred percent sure that soldiering on quite the way you are is healthy, at least not according to 21st Century norms. It's actually more of a Victorian 'sucking it up' attitude. But, it seems to be working for you."

He ran his fingers through his hair and pinched the bridge of his nose, adding, "I'm not going to ask you to include me in your conversation about the power of attorney. As far as I'm concerned, that's between the two of you. Loretta, I'm assuming that your attorney is okay with it or he wouldn't have drafted it."

"Well, he only drafted it after yelling at me for an hour about what kind of a fucking idiot would do a thing like that. But, after I told him that if he didn't draft the form, I'd find one on the Internet and doctor it up myself." She laughed. "Do you know what that kind of statement does to a lawyer? It was actually hilarious. Anyway, he drafted it. And, he's a good lawyer."

Casey stood up and said, "Then I'll leave you two alone." He handed Loretta his card and said, "Feel free to call me if you need me."

"Even if you're already seeing Jackson?"

"I like to work with entire family units. Actually, if your mother would be willing ..."

Loretta held up her hands. "Don't even go there. Mama would not talk to you. And, I don't want her to find out that I've been talking to you, either. She's kind of a Victorian 'suck it up' kind of person. I think that's where I got it."

Casey said, "I understand. I actually encounter a lot of people like that. If she changes her mind, I'd love to talk to her."

He shook their hands and left. Loretta said, "I liked the fact that he didn't hug us. There's way too much hugging that goes on between people who should have a more professional relationship."

Jackson said, "I could do with a hug right about now. I found that particularly brutal."

Loretta put her arms around him and hugged him with all her might, despite the pain in her ribs. They clung to each other for a long time. Eventually, Jackson said, "Well, I've made my decision. What do you say we go ahead and have that talk now, while we're emotionally raw, and get it over with."

"I'm for that."

He sat down at the kitchen table and motioned for her to sit next to him. She sat on his lap instead and put her arms around him. "We both need all the support we can get for this conversation. I find comfort in this. Are you okay with it?"

"Yes." He put his head on her shoulder and his arms moved naturally around her waist. He said, "I'll do it. God knows, I don't want to, but I will. I'm nowhere near as smart as you or as honest with myself as you. Sometimes you scare me. But, I love you. I love you more every day I know you. I want to be with you no matter what happens. During the last few weeks, I've felt mostly helpless and, often, useless. You are asking me to help you through a medical process that will challenge both of us, but it will at least allow me to use my medical training in your behalf. I will do it, on one condition. You told me you wanted to have a conversation about your wishes. I'm willing to have a conversation about that, but I'd prefer if you'd put your wishes in writing. Even if its rambling, stream-of-consciousness, I'd like to know what you fear and what you think you'd do in the event any of those fears come true."

"Okay. I can do that. I'll do it one day soon, while you're at work." She paused and said with a raspy voice that held tears, fears and gratitude spilling over, "Thank you."

He held her close for a long time. Then they went for a walk. Neither of them wanted dinner because they'd had such a big lunch, so they ate sweet potato pie and drank milk and then turned in about eight o'clock.

The Christmas party at Biltmore was an ordeal for both of them, in very different ways. Jackson took one look at her in her oyster-colored silk evening gown and wanted nothing more than to spend the evening with her in his arms on the dance floor, pretending they were alone in the world. Unfortunately, he was expected to spend most of the evening schmoozing with the executives and playing politics.

For her part, Loretta was captivated by the venue: the colors, smells and lights of one of America's most amazing mansions. She would have preferred to wander around alone, or on Jackson's arm and revel in the beauty of it all.

Instead, she spent most of the evening standing by Jackson, with an artificial smile plastered on her face, hoping against hope that her annoyance at the whole experience didn't show. She could tell that Jackson was as irritated as she was, but he was good at smoothing things over and playing his assigned roll. He was much more of a go-along-to-get-along kind of person than she could ever be. On this one occasion of her life, it was very important that she play the role of the Doctor's Lady. She did the best she could. She had no idea at the time how spectacularly she had played her role.

Late in the evening they finally managed to break away from the group of executives who seemed to be interrogating Jackson. Jessica Andrews and her husband stopped by and Jessica told Jackson that the last shuttle was leaving for the house. If they wanted to tour the mansion, they would have to go. They extricated themselves from the knot of big shots. Jackson went to get their coats and Loretta went to the bathroom. Jessica followed her. While they were washing their hands, Jessica said, "I hope you don't think it's inappropriate of me to make this comment at a social occasion, but I just can't get over how amazingly wonderful you look. Less than three weeks ago you could barely get out of bed. Tonight you look ravishing and you even danced. What have you been doing?"

Loretta shrugged. "I have been taking vitamins and a bunch of herbal supplements as well as eating a diet that is as loaded with antioxidants as I can make it. I have myself on a regimen of a good night's sleep plus two naps a day. Lots of exercise, including walking outside and stretching exercises inside. Once my ribs get a little better, I'm going to add weight training."

"Amazing."

Loretta added, "There is one other huge factor."

"What is that?"

"I'm keeping myself busy spoiling Jackson – and loving every minute of it."

Jessica smiled. "Well, whatever you are doing, it's working, at least on your physical injuries. You doing okay otherwise?"

"I'm getting there. I have plenty of support, and I think I'm pretty strong."

"Dr. Stewart's not real happy with you. He said you missed an appointment this week and then showed up here as though nothing ever happened to you. Doctors don't like it when their patients make miraculous recoveries that they can't claim credit for."

"Screw him."

Loretta virtually floated out of the bathroom. Jackson was in the hall, holding her wrap. She slid her arms into the jacket, and Jackson seized the opportunity to wrap his arms around her and whisper, "You are the most beautiful, sexy and exciting woman at this party."

She looked up at him with shining eyes and said, "Then let's go to that beautiful mansion and pretend we are the gorgeous and fabulously rich couple who own the joint."

He winked.

There were very few people left in the house. Docents stood in every room to answer questions (and guard the priceless contents). A pianist played Christmas carols softly in the ballroom. They danced for a moment to Silver Bells.

The shuttle took them back to the parking lot, where their car was among the last remaining. Loretta laughed out loud, "This is the first time in my life I've stayed at a party until the end. I usually run away at the first opportunity."

"You were the hit of the evening."

"Jessica told me that Dr. Stewart wasn't so thrilled with my miraculous transformation."

"Yes, because everybody's knows that he had nothing to do with it."

"He did, though. He did an amazing job of stitching up my cuts."

"You think so? I thought that healing really didn't kick in until you started with the Chinese ointment and stretching exercises."

"He sewed them up in a way that I think will not create too much scar tissue. It's still a little sore to the touch when I put on the cream, but the skin feels almost normal."

"Hmmm."

Without saying another word, they mutually dropped that subject.

Even though they were the last to leave, it was still only ten o'clock when they got home. Jackson didn't have to go to work until the next afternoon. He asked, "You want another glass of wine?"

"Actually, I'd love one. I didn't drink wine at the party."

"What were you drinking out of that wine glass all night long?"

"Apple juice. I heavily tipped a bartender to pour my drinks from a special bottle he kept under the bar for me."

"You're amazing."

"I wanted to be on my very best behavior and not embarrass you."

"In a way your plan may have backfired. You were on such good behavior and you were so ravishingly beautiful, I have invitations to about twelve parties over the next three weeks."

Loretta stopped by the door to the bedroom, her eyes wide and her face drained of color, and said, "Tonight was a one-shot deal. I did it for you. I am not going to repeat the performance. I hope you don't mind." She struck a pose and said, "Enjoy your last look at the ravishingly beautiful me, because I'm going to go wash all this gunk off my face and turn myself back into a bumpkin."

When she came out a few minutes later, her face was scrubbed free of makeup, and she was wearing her flannel nightgown. Jackson was sitting on the couch holding a glass of wine, with his feet propped upon the coffee table and his tie open and shirt collar unbuttoned, flipping channels on the TV. She said from the door. "There was another astonishingly gorgeous person at the party."

"Who?"

"You. During the few nanoseconds I managed to tear my eyes away from you, I noticed that you were getting a lot of attention."

"Yeah. I noticed that too. And not all of it was from the women. I think the fact that I finally showed up at an event with a woman made some people see me differently. I'm not sure, but I think that there was some doubt in a few executives' minds about my sexual preference."

"You mean a drop-dead gorgeous guy shows up in the ER, he buys pies for the nurses but doesn't hit on anybody and doesn't seem to be dating anybody. What's up with that? Inquiring minds will want to know."

"Something like that."

"Well, then, I guess we showed them what's up with that, huh?."

"We sure did. We were the 'it' couple at that party."

"Who knew something like that could happen?"

"We should probably record it somehow. I doubt it will ever happen again."

"Right. Why don't you go get comfy and let's watch a movie."

He came back a few minutes later wearing his own flannel pajamas. They curled up on the couch and turned on It's a Wonderful Life. About 2:00 AM, Jackson woke up. He was sprawled out on one end of the couch. Loretta was curled up asleep, with her head on his thigh. Jackson started to get up and go to bed, but thought better of it. He put his hand on her arm and went back to sleep.

The next time he woke up, it was 6:30 AM, and Loretta was in the kitchen making breakfast. He asked, "How'd you sleep?"

"Wonderful. I think I may switch from the chair to the couch. It felt good to lie down and sleep."

"You want to sleep in the bed?"

"No. I don't want to put you out."

"I wasn't offering to give it to you. I was offering to share it with you. Last night I woke up and found you curled up sleeping beside me. I liked it. I'm not going to push for anything more. I just think you'd be more comfortable, and maybe that kind of closeness will help us get over any remaining awkwardness about non-sexual intimacy."

"Let me think about it. We'll see what feels right."

"Well tonight I'm working all night. I won't be home until 4:00 AM. Feel free to use the bed. If you want to leave when I get home, it won't hurt my feelings."

"Yes, it would."

"Probably, but I'll get over it."

"We'll see."

He said, "Looks like pancakes. Isn't that kind of off your diet?"

"Sort of. These are multi-grain pancakes and I'm loading them up with blueberries, but I felt the need for some comfort food."

"Something wrong?"

"No. I'm just kind of sad and scared, and my plan today is to sit down and write that letter to you. That is going to be hard."

They ate breakfast, went for a walk and then went to the grocery store. Jackson lay down for a few hours' sleep before his all night shift.

## Chapter 16

After Jackson left for work, Loretta sat at the table and wrote the letter. She wrote in long-hand with a pen on a legal pad. This was too important to trust to firing off at 110 words a minute on her computer. It took her hours to get it right. Then she typed it. She saved a copy to her computer, emailed a copy to her attorney and printed out a copy of the letter and the power of attorney for Jackson. She left them in an envelope on the table, intending to go over it with Jackson the next day.

By then, it was seven PM. She ate a handful of blueberries and some edemame, and then did about a half an hour of stretching exercises. After that she took a long, hot shower and let herself cry the entire time.

When she came out of the shower, she started to head for the living room, but then she stopped and looked at the queen sized bed. She had just changed the sheets the day before. She checked the night stands and climbed into the bed on the opposite side from where the alarm clock was. She stretched and smiled. It felt wonderful to sleep lying down on a comfortable bed. Her ribs were still a little sore and if she moved the wrong way, they tended to wake her up. She propped pillows around herself to keep from turning over, and then she fell asleep.

When she woke at 5:30 AM, Jackson was snoring softly beside her. Somehow she had ended up in his arms with her head on his shoulder. She knew his arm was probably asleep. She extricated herself from his embrace slowly and crawled out of the bed.

In the dining room , she noticed that the POA was signed. The four page letter setting forth her desires regarding her treatment and final care in the event treatment went awry was spread out on the table. Jackson had initialed the bottom of each page. She saw a few tear stains on both the letter and the POA. She picked up all five pages, scanned them, saved them to her computer, and emailed the executed copy to her attorney. She put the original executed POA into an envelope, which she slid into her purse to give to the neurosurgeon.

A few hours later, Jackson came out of the bedroom. He took her into his arms and looked deeply into her eyes, "I want you to know that if it becomes necessary, I will carry out your wishes exactly as you spelled them out for me. I also want you to know that I do not ever want to discuss that document with you, or even mention it. Do you understand?"

"Yes."

"When is your appointment?"

"Next Tuesday. I checked your schedule. You're off early on Monday. I have booked us on a flight to Boston on Monday night. We'll come back Tuesday evening."

"What if they want to keep you for tests."

"Then I'll stay by myself. They can consult with you over the phone."

"Not a chance, Sugar. I've already alerted the hospital that you are seeing a specialist and I may be gone for a while. They're okay with that."

"What about my doctors? Do you think they'll be okay with you taking charge?"

"I'll stay in the background on this end. I think Jessica is ready to release you, and you missed your scheduled appointment with Dr. Stewart, so I reckon you're done with him. Neither of them gave you a referral to a neurologist, but you're free to see who you want. I happen to have a front row view of your self-awareness. If you think you need a neurologist, you probably do."

"Were they surprised?"

"I didn't talk to Stewart. Jessica was a little alarmed that you might think she missed something."

"She did. Ashbury hit me in the head with a pistol and then I hit my head again on the ground where he continued to slap me around, with my head bouncing around. It seems to me a neurologist should have been included on my care team."

"You're right. Are you going to sue the hospital if they find anything?"

"Hell, no! They can't be expected to bring every specialist in on every injury. Anyway. I don't want to talk about it, either. We'll cross next week's bridge when the time comes. Right now, let's have a bite to eat and go for a walk. It's cold, but if we bundle up we should be okay."

He held her more tightly than he had ever done, so tight her ribs hurt. When she winced, he eased up. Then he kissed her. Long and slow and deep. She felt herself respond, but she didn't feel the panic. She let herself yield to him for long enough to assure herself that she might not panic. Then she pulled away, and looked up at him with tears in her eyes. "I'm sorry. I'm not ready for that yet."

He brushed away a tear with his thumb, "I understand. We'll take all the time you need."

"I think I'd like to defer any discussion of that until after Christmas. Next week is going to be really scary and then we don't really need to add a lot of hormones with Mama here. She and I have enough issues."

He laughed, "It may have escaped your notice, Sugar, but there are a lot of hormones whenever we're together."

"I've noticed. I've just chosen to ignore it."

"You have amazing mental and emotional powers."

"Not as much as I used to."

He kissed her cheek, "Hence the concern."

Over the weekend Loretta and her mother had words over the phone about the fact that Loretta had made arrangements for Jackson to accompany her to Boston and Freddie was not included. When Loretta hung up the phone, she put her head in her hands, "Mama means well, but, my God, sometimes that woman drives me crazy."

Jackson made a sound that was supposed to be laughter, but turned into more of a groan. "I had a similar conversation with my sister today. She is mad at me because I am staying here to spend Christmas with you and your mother without introducing you to my family."

"What have you told them about me?"

"Actually, I have told them very little about you, which is going to land me in extremely deep shit when they find out the whole story."

"Why haven't you told them about me?"

"For two reasons. I didn't say too much before, because it was all too new, too tentative, and too special to talk about. I haven't said much recently because some of the members of my family have very old-fashioned ideas about rape."

She sighed, "I knew that was going to come up at some point. Let's go ahead and get it out on the table now. I know for certain I'm going to walk into a shit storm when I go back to Spencer. The prevailing attitude there is that most rape victims do something to cause the rapist to go 'off'. People have been telling me ever since I've been back in Spencer that I shouldn't wander around in the woods alone. Mama has been very careful about what she's said recently. Careful enough that I have the sense that the prevailing opinion in the town is that I asked for it. I don't like it, but you don't need to protect me if you think your family is likely to feel that way, too."

"I hate it, but that is not an uncommon reaction to rape in some circles."

"The important thing is that I know that I didn't do anything wrong. Do you agree?"

"Absolutely. I walked with you in those woods. They were remote and peaceful and beautiful. No one should feel they have to refrain from enjoying that beauty because of a nut job. Besides, you went armed!"

"A fat lot of good that did me."

"The point is that you were prepared to defend yourself, and you fought back."

"Even if I hadn't fought back, it would have still not have been my fault. Just because a woman is too scared or doesn't have the self-defense skills to fight back, doesn't make rape her fault."

"You're right, of course. But, I have to confess I'm glad you hurt him. Not because it proves anything about you but because he deserved to be scarred by the experience, too."

"I think we should drop this subject, now. Except that I want to know your opinion about something as a doctor, not my boyfriend."

"What?"

"Do you think I will ever be able to enjoy a normal sex life?"

"As a medical professional, I'd have to say that once your wounds are fully healed, there should be no physical reason you can't enjoy sex like anyone else." He paused and held her close, "As your boyfriend, I ardently hope that Dr. Shepherd is right about that."

She laughed, and kissed him on the cheek. "I hope Dr. Shepherd is right, too. I'm scared, though."

"About what?"

"About everything."

"Well, I think we're in agreement that we are not going to do anything about it until after Christmas, so let's shelve the whole subject and go for a walk. What do you say? I think right now you need to focus on healing in body and spirit. We'll just let things happen in their own time."

The following week, they flew to Boston. They went to the appointment together. Loretta filled out the preliminary forms, and provided the secretary with a copy of the POA. The woman looked at Loretta strangely and asked if Loretta thought that was necessary. Loretta told her she did, and asked her to note the file that Dr. Shepherd was to be included in all conversations between her and the medical team. She scowled, but didn't say anything.

The doctor ran a battery of tests in the office, and asked them to come back the next day. They checked into a hotel and then went exploring.

Jackson had never been to Boston. Loretta showed him around all her old haunts in Cambridge. They ate pizza and drank beer at a Cambridge institution near Harvard Square. Then they went back to their motel and turned in early.

The next day, they returned to the neurologist's office. The nurse called her into the consultation room. Loretta asked Jackson to go with her. The nurse objected at first, but Loretta insisted. She and Jackson walked into the consultation room together. The doctor stood up, walked around his desk and shook hands with Loretta and then with Jackson. "Herb Goldstein. Pleased to meet you, Dr. Shepherd. I recognize that the arrangement Ms. Russell has with you is highly unusual, but I think I understand why she wants you to be here. Neurological issues are enormously complicated, and it is important for the patient to feel she has all the information she needs to make an informed decision about any course of treatment."

Jackson said, "I'm an ER doctor, not a specialist, but I'll do my best to listen carefully and try to help Loretta understand her options as best I can. I'll not interfere with your relationship with your patient any more than necessary."

Dr. Goldstein said, "Then let's go over the test results." He pulled out a manila folder from a vertical rack on his desk and leafed through the sheets. He scanned the pages and nodded a couple of times. "This is a very interesting case. The test results show an individual with above normal cognitive skills in certain areas of the brain, especially math and concrete functioning. I have no baseline to go from, but there are some lesions in the cortex that make me think she may have been functioning at an even higher level before the attack. The only thing we can do is to use these results as a benchmark, and monitor her progress. One of three things will happen: She will either recover the cognitive skills she empirically reports she has lost; she will remain the same; or, her cognitive abilities will deteriorate further. I recommend that we run the same battery of tests at three-month intervals until we can tell which way things are heading."

Loretta asked, "I've heard that the brain doesn't really heal. How likely is it that I will recover?"

"That is what science used to believe. Recent research has shown that the brain can and does heal. It grows new cells, too. I won't begin to make a prediction about what's going to happen with yours. I don't know how much function you've lost, for one thing. Can you tell me what you've noticed."

"The first thing I noticed was that I can't do square roots in my head any more."

The doctor laughed. "I'm sorry for laughing. Hardly anybody can do square roots in their head. What I want to know is why on earth would you do square roots in your head?"

"I was having an examination by the gynecologist. If I concentrate really hard and do math in my head I can block out a lot of things. I was trying to avoid feeling the exam, so I started doing square roots, and I made some mistakes."

"It seems to me that you are still functioning at a much higher level than the vast majority of people, so I'm not really sure I understand why you're worried."

"It put me out of business."

"How so?"

She explained about how her job required the ability to notice, follow and correct complex and very subtle changes in computer code. These operations required mental subtlety and the ability to concentrate and remember long strings of numbers, in her head, and on the fly. She ended with, "If I can't trust myself to be able to do that with the same level of accuracy that I used to, then I'm going to have to close my business."

Dr. Goldstein nodded and pulled his beard. "Well, then, let's run the tests again in six weeks instead of three months. Can you wait that long?"

"I guess I don't have much of a choice."

They went back to the hotel and Loretta called the airline to book an afternoon flight back to Asheville. Loretta was silent on the way to the airport, and she let Jackson turn in the rental car and navigate them through the ordeal of checking in and going through security. After they were seated on the plane, she took out her earphones, winked at him and said, "It's time to zone out!" He smiled and put on his headphone as well. They read and listened to music until the plane landed. Loretta followed Jackson through the terminal and out into the parking lot. It was snowing, but she barely felt the cold.

As he pulled out of the parking lot Jackson said, "It's seven-thirty and we haven't eaten a regular meal today. Would you like to go out."

Loretta shook her head. "I left a pot of soup in the fridge. All we have to do is heat it up. I'd rather have that than restaurant food that may contain things I don't want to eat."

"Sure."

As soon as they got inside the door, Jackson took her into his arms and just held her. She leaned against him for a few minutes and then said, "If you don't mind, while the soup is heating, I'd like to take a shower and get comfortable." She looked at him a bit sheepishly, "Would you mind if I go ahead and put on my nightgown?"

"You mean that incredibly sexy flannel number that looks like something my grandmother used to wear?"

"That would be the one."

"Sure. Get comfy. I think I'll hop in the shower when you're finished and put on my pajamas too. I have a feeling we're going to make an early night of it."

"I sure am."

They ate their soup in their pajamas, and checked their email on their phones. He asked if she wanted to watch TV, she shook her head and suggested that they put on some music. He plugged his MP3 player into the speakers and put it on shuffle. He joined her on the couch and pulled her close. "Do you want to talk?"

"No. Not yet. I have a lot of thinking to do. You'll have to bear with me. I think things through for a long time before I can talk about them."

"You mean you're not one of those people who would go on TV and blather on about all their problems for the world to hear?"

"No. I can't even stand to watch those shows. People who have so little self-respect or dignity piss me off! I hope you don't think I'm shutting you out, but I really do need to think about this a lot before I will be able to talk about it."

"I understand. I'll listen when you want to talk. In the meantime, we'll just go back to the way we've been."

"I'm not sure how to do that. I'm feeling better. There's not enough to do here to keep me busy. I can't work. I could spend my days chatting online, but I don't want to do that. Part of me would like to go back to Spencer and start baking pies again, but I can't go back there."

"I'll level with you and tell you I'm glad to hear that, but I'm curious as to why not."

"The prosecutor called me the other day and told me that Ashbury's attorney has filed a motion to let him out on bail pending his trial."

"What?"

"The judge denied the motion, but the attorney has appealed. The prosecutor told me he thinks there is a chance he may get out on bail. I can't go to Spencer if he's out. In fact, I talked to Mama and she agreed to come to Asheville if they let him out."

"That's wise. Maybe you could bake pies here."

"I thought about that. Your kitchen's not big enough for the kind of large scale baking we do. Although, it's been so long since we stopped taking orders, we may be out of business."

"So basically, you're saying that all your income streams have dried up."

"Yes and no. My income from my current businesses has stopped, perhaps permanently. I have plenty of investments. If I were careful, I could live on that for a long time. My consulting business has value. I could sell it for several hundred thousand dollars, especially if I sell it soon before my clients all drift away. I know a guy who is almost as good as I was at security, and I think he's got the money. I'm thinking about reaching out to him to see if he's interested in acquiring my company.

"I want to talk to Jeff Hendricks and some of my other clients first. I may actually go visit them. If I sell my business, I should make enough money to buy a house, and add to my investments so that I might be able to generate enough of an income stream to live on. I don't feel as though my problem is getting any worse. So, I think I could start another business, just not one that would require the kind of super-technical work I have been doing. I found that I really love baking and cooking. Maybe I'll open a bakery or a bistro. I don't know. I have a lot of thinking and planning to do."

"I'm glad you are thinking along the lines of staying in Asheville. I don't want to push you, but I've been looking at houses. I'm not asking for any kind of permanent commitment, but why don't you plan on staying with me. I'll buy a house with a big kitchen."

She laughed. "You know, Mama kind of implied that I should suggest that. I was shocked, but she likes you and I think she wants to see us end up together."

"She'd be okay with us shacking up?"

"As long as we shack up in Asheville and lie about it to anyone from Spencer."

"Where would she live?"

"She has agreed to consider moving to an apartment here, or maybe an assisted living place. Papa had a good amount of life insurance. Mama has lived completely on her Social Security and the income from the Inn, so never used any of the money Papa left her. It has accumulated into a nice nest egg. She's got the money to live pretty much anywhere she wants."

He commented, "There are a lot of moving pieces to this, but I think we can work something out."

Loretta smiled up at him and then closed her eyes. "Oh, yeah. My brain may not be firing on all of its former pistons, but I'm still a very creative thinker. I'll come up with something. The complicating factor for me is that I've never had to consult with anyone else when I was making plans. If we're going to move forward together, then I guess I'd better do a little more talking along with my thinking, right?"

"I'd appreciate that."

"Are we moving forward together?"

"I'm in at least for the next leg. How about you?"

"Me, too."

"I don't have to go back to work until the weekend. What do you say we go house hunting?"

"Let's not rush it. Let's defer any long term planning until after Christmas. We have some serious work to do before Mama gets here."

"Such as?"

"Such as, if she walks into this place and there's no Christmas tree or decorations, she will have a cow. We need to do some shopping for decorations, presents and food."

"That sounds like fun."

"Do you like to shop?"

"Actually I do. What about you?"

"I hate to shop with a passion, except for grocery shopping. Most of the time, I shop online because I can't stand the crowds and noise in stores. Mama thinks I'm agoraphobic. Actually, I'm just highly unsociable. Anyway, we don't have time for online shopping, so I'm going to have to brave the stores. When I have to do that, I like to go to stores that are open 24 hours, and I go in the wee hours of the morning."

"I tend to do that, too, only it's mainly because my working hours are so crazy that's usually the only time I have to do it."

She stood up and stretched, "So let's turn in early, and get up about 4:00 AM to go shopping."

"Okay."

Afterward, Loretta thought that was the best Christmas of her life. She and Jackson decorated the apartment together, and she and her mother cooked magnificent meals. Jackson took the leftovers into the hospital. On Christmas Day, Freddie and Loretta surprised the emergency room staff by bringing in a ham with all the trimmings, plus three pies. Then they made a full family dinner at Jackson's apartment. It was a wonderful time of celebrating and being close. Loretta was a bit annoyed by the fact that her mother seemed to accept her more now than she ever had because Loretta had a man in her life. Loretta's first inclination was to be annoyed by that, but she decided to simply enjoy the closeness that was developing with her mother.

In January, Loretta made a swing through North Carolina and Virginia, visiting her clients and discussing her plans. They were all sad to learn she was contemplating selling her business, but they were also glad to know that they would no longer be in limbo.

She made an appointment with Dr. Goldstein for the end of January, and scheduled a visit with her Boston client at the same time. The guy she wanted to sell her business to lived in Connecticut, so she scheduled a visit with him while she was in the vicinity.

The second round of tests showed that there had been no improvement, but there there did not appear to be any deterioration in her condition. Loretta decided to move forward with selling her business. Her Boston client knew Matthew Haynes, and liked him. He agreed to stick with Matt if he bought Loretta's business. She called all of her other clients and told them about Matt. They agreed to stick with him for at least a year if she sold to him.

She prepared spreadsheets showing her income over the last ten years from each of her customers. She called and asked Matt to bring his lawyer to the meeting, knowing in the back of her mind that her attorney would have a shit fit when he found out about that. She showed them the numbers and told them that all of her remaining clients had agreed to stay with Matt for at least a year. She also told them that she'd provide a list of the customers she had transferred to her friend in California. She told them that after six months he would be free to go after those accounts, and she thought that many of them would be willing to move. She offered to provide recommendations as necessary. The lawyer asked how much she wanted. She suggested that they make an offer. Matt asked her if she'd stay on in a consulting role, and she said no. He asked her why she was selling, and she told him it was a personal matter that she did not wish to discuss. His attorney asked how likely it would be that she would change her mind and start up a new company to compete with Matt. She shrugged and told him it was unlikely, but suggested that she'd be willing to include a five year non-compete clause in the sale agreement. They scheduled a second meeting for the following day. They offered her $800,000, and she accepted.

After they signed the contract Matt asked, "What were you willing to take?"

She winked at him and narrowed her eyes. "Trust me. You don't want to know."

They electronically transferred the money to her account. She had her accountant prepare the necessary tax forms, and way too much of the money went to the government, but she still had a nice chunk left. She thought that would be plenty to stake a new businesses venture of some sort.

Freddie moved into an apartment in Jackson's complex immediately after Christmas because the prosecutor alerted Loretta that Ashbury was to be let out on bail. She didn't even go back to Spencer to pack her things. Some of her friends packed her personal possessions and delivered them to her. They loaded up Loretta's car with her mother's things and delivered the car to Loretta along with her mother's belongings. As much as she loved her home, Freddie agreed with Loretta that Spencer was not safe for either of them with Ashbury free. Besides, Freddie could not take care of the house by herself. She listed it for sale.

Jackson heard through the hospital grapevine that one of the senior surgeons was looking for a mountain retreat. Jackson gave the doctor the name of Freddie's realtor. The doctor and his wife offered to buy the house for the full listing price after their first walk-through. Freddie and Loretta owned the house jointly, and Freddie insisted on splitting the proceeds from the sale of the house with Loretta. That put another $150,000 in her bank account.

Jackson insisted on Loretta going with him to look for houses. At first the realtor showed them large houses with huge kitchens and beautiful views of the mountains. They were the kind of huge homes in up-scale neighborhoods where doctors and lawyers lived. Loretta didn't like any of them. Jackson seemed to have no real preference. The realtor became annoyed and told them that needed to sit down together and decide what they wanted instead of wasting everybody's time.

The only thing they both agreed on was they wanted a view of the mountains. Beyond that, they were at a loss. Neither of them wanted to do yard work or maintenance on a house, so they started looking at condos. They liked the smaller living spaces better than the big houses, but neither of them liked the rules and regulations that went with condominium ownership.

One day in late February, Loretta called Jackson just as he was leaving work. Her voice trembled and squeaked. "I think I found the perfect place for us to live." She gave him an address and said, "Meet me there in twenty minutes."

Loretta and the realtor were standing on the sidewalk talking when Jackson pulled up. He looked at the front of the building, a closed bakery. He made a face, "What's this?"

Loretta beckoned him, "Come. See."

They went around the side of the building where the realtor opened a door and led them to an upstairs apartment. It had one bedroom with a western view of the mountains. French doors opened onto a small balcony, also with a mountain view. The living room in the front had a small stone fireplace. The kitchen was tiny and the realtor said it needed updating. Loretta interrupted and said, "Absolutely not! That stove may be almost an antique, but it's one of the best stoves ever made and I bet it will outlast me in this kitchen. I happen to think the kitchen is quaint. I love it!"

She turned to Jackson with her hands folded in front of her, her face radiant and her eyes almost pleading, "What do you think?"

He laughed and said, "I think you'd hurt me if I said I don't like it..."

Loretta's joy visibly evaporated, but Jackson continued, "So it's a really good thing that I love it. It's small. No yard. Fabulous views. And it's fifteen minutes closer to the hospital than my current apartment." He paused and raised his eyebrows, "When are you going to show me the bakery?"

Loretta was almost jumping up and down. "Now. You have to see it. It's perfect!"

They went back downstairs and the realtor opened the door to the bakery. Loretta raised her hands in greeting and said, "Welcome to the new home of Miss Loretta's Pies!"

Jackson glanced around, smiling. He picked her up and swung her around. "This is absolutely perfect!" He asked the realtor how much it cost. The realtor told him it wasn't for sale. He looked from the realtor to Loretta and back, "What the f..."

Loretta laughed. "This building was in foreclosure. I bought it this morning in a cash deal. If you want to share in the ownership, we can have my attorney draw up a partnership agreement and you can buy half. Even if you didn't like the apartment, I wanted the bakery. I was prepared to rent out the apartment if you didn't like it."

Jackson laughed out loud. "Okay, so instead of me spending hundreds of thousands of dollars on a big house, you've bought yourself business where we can live rent free. Do you know how much money I'll be able to save?"

"You live in a pricy apartment now. I have a pretty good idea how much you'll save. So at least until I get the business up and running, I was thinking maybe you can pay the utilities and buy our food."

"Deal!"

Freddie loved the bakery as much as Loretta did. She even managed to go up the stairs to see the apartment, and loved it, too.

They furnished the apartment sparsely, because the first time they went furniture shopping, they discovered that neither of them had any taste when it came to furniture or design, and neither of them particularly cared about decorating the apartment. They both gravitated to functional, comfortable furniture, and left it at that. The end result was a clean, simple and comfortable apartment where everything focused on the beauty of the mountains beyond. Loretta said she was glad her mother wouldn't be able to visit often because she knew Freddie would give her hell for living in an "unfinished" apartment, but the important thing was that she and Jackson both loved it.

Loretta did rely on her mother's advice and help when it came to decorating the bakery. She wanted to go for a very retro look, something like a throwback to the early Sixties in décor. She made pies, breads and cookies (never cakes; Loretta hated baking cakes), but added a few tables, and offered a limited lunch menu, which could be taken as a box lunch or eaten in. She posted a special for morning coffee patrons: buy a box lunch and a large coffee and get a bagel or donut for free. She resumed selling pies online even before she opened for walk-in business. Miss Loretta's Pies was back in business and most of her online customers returned, except for Dr. Shepherd who now picked up his pies in person.

The next time the ER had a staff meeting, Loretta delivered two pies and a huge tin of cookies personally. She got a standing ovation from the entire emergency room staff. She got a public kiss from Dr. Shepherd, after which they both blushed and giggled. That kicked off another ovation.

The bakery itself opened in April, intentionally coinciding with the glorious Appalachian spring that brought many tourists to Asheville. She put a couple of tables out on the sidewalk, and opened for the first time on a Saturday. She was scheduled to be open from 7:30 AM until 2:30 PM. She was out of everything before noon. She spent the rest of the day baking for Sunday. She made twice as much. On Sunday she was completely out of wares by noon again.

Monday she was closed. She scrambled around and hired two part time assistants, one for the kitchen and one to wait on tables and do the dishes. She opened on Tuesday with three times the wares. She sold out of almost everything, but managed to stay open until her posted closing time.

Freddie had already made friends with a couple of other widows in the apartment complex. One or the other of them came with Freddie nearly every day to help make the pies. One of the ladies loved to bake cookies. That became her regular job.

Loretta had two different part time waitress/dishwashers who were teenagers. Her part-time cook was a homemaker who had not previously worked; she was actually a great home cook who worked in the restaurant for something to do while her kids were in school. Loretta didn't know anything about running a business so she sort of made it up as she went along. She decided not to pay anyone a specific salary or hourly rate. After all expenses were paid, Loretta took 40% profit for herself and divided the rest of the profits equally among the people who worked for her. She was afraid that there might be hard feelings if one person felt they were working harder than others, but she found that all of the staff worked harder, longer hours and were nicer to the customers because they were stakeholders in the business. The profit sharing arrangement seemed to create happy workers.

Miss Loretta's Pies became the hot place in Asheville for desserts and lunches. One day a young man stopped into the restaurant and offered to deliver lunches for those people who couldn't come out to pick up lunch. Loretta's lunch business almost doubled within a month.

The profits were not huge because Loretta refused to skimp on quality or quantity, but the business turned a profit from the very first month, and made steadily increased profits every month thereafter. She had no full-time employees, so she didn't offer benefits. She continued to divide the profits among the workers, but she created a share arrangement so employees who worked more hours got a more shares. There was no differentiation between job duties. The dishwashers were paid the same percentage per share as the cooks for the same hours. Every employee was responsible for providing outstanding customer service. Very soon it was known around town that Loretta's employees made more than restaurant workers in any other place in town outside of the high end restaurants. She soon had a waiting list for employees.

The mail order business took off, too. After the bakery closed at 2:30, a second shift came in to bake pies for the online orders. They sometimes worked until 8:30 at night. All of them were homemakers who worked hours that were convenient to them, according to their family's schedule. Loretta wrote a program for a scheduling tool that Jackson said could be used by the people who made out the Major League Baseball schedule.

Loretta worked her own schedule around Jackson's. When he was off in the daytime, she let the employees run the bakery, and they spent time together. Sometimes they'd drive up to the mountains and walk for hours. The first time they headed down a mountain trail, Loretta stopped for a moment, worrying that she might panic. She was with Jackson, and the smell of the forest drew her in. She marched into the woods with Jackson, leaving her fears behind, forever.

Sometimes they cocooned at home in their apartment, where they could enjoy the wonderful smells and hear the buzz of activity in the busy store below.

One Monday, when the bakery was quiet, after she finished the breakfast dishes, Loretta turned around and smiled at Jackson. "So, what are we going to do today?"

He walked over to her, put his arms around her and stared into her eyes, "Are you happy?"

"Yes."

"Do you regret losing your consulting job?"

"Not really. I think maybe I was outgrowing it anyway. I love running the bakery."

"Do you love me?"

She smiled at him as though he were a child asking a stupid question, "You know I love you more than I ever imagined I could love anyone."

"Do you trust me?"

"Of course."

"Do you believe that I would never do anything to hurt you?"

She looked alarmed, "Yes. What is going on? Is something wrong?"

He looked at her with an expression she had never seen before. It was something between an invitation and a demand. He pulled her close to him and said, "I think we've waited long enough. If you are willing, I'd like to spend the today making love with the woman I've waited so long for."

For a minute Loretta thought that panic was starting to make her heart pound. Then she realized that she did trust him completely and she recognized that her heart was pounding for an entirely different reason. She tilted her head up and reached for him, "I most certainly am willing. Scared. But willing."

He picked her up and carried her into the bedroom where they alternately made love and dozed all day long. Late in the afternoon, Loretta stretched and said, "I need a shower and then food. I'm starving, but I don't feel like cooking. What do you say we raid the kitchen in the bakery and see what we can find."

"Mind if I join you in the shower?"

She was a little freaked out by that at first, but said, "OK. I guess." It didn't take her long to get un-freaked out by showering together. In fact, they showered together on an almost daily basis from then on.

They were frequently invited to parties given by doctors and fundraisers hosted by charities. Neither of them liked to socialize, but they both knew that for the good of both of their careers, they had to be seen in public. They agreed to accept two social invitations a month. They typically favored charity-related fundraisers over purely social dinner parties in the homes of people who might expect them to reciprocate.

Their apartment was too small for entertaining, and they preferred to keep their living space private, reserved for the two of them alone. They recognized the need to entertain in some manner. With help from Freddie and the bakery staff, Loretta hosted a fundraiser for battered women at the bakery, inviting both her regular customers and a bunch of hospital people. She was surprised to discover that she had a great time.

Freddie and Loretta got along better than they ever had. Freddie asked Loretta once if she and Jackson had considered getting married and having children. Loretta said, "Mama, I want that to be the last time you ask that question. I know that biologically I'm not too old to have kids, but I'm psychologically unsuited for motherhood. I don't know that Jackson would be a particularly good dad, either. I don't think he likes kids very much. At least he doesn't like his nieces and nephews. We are not going to have kids. And we're happy with the way things are. I see no reason to raise the subject of marriage with him. Let's drop this subject from our conversational repertoire altogether. You wanted me to be happy. You never believed that I was. Now, you have to know that I am so deliriously happy I hardly sleep at night because I can't wait to get up every day. So, let's leave it at that. Okay?"

Freddie agreed, and Loretta ignored the irritation in her mother's voice.

One day in September, Jackson called Loretta at the bakery and told her he wanted her to knock off early and get dressed, because he wanted to take her out for dinner. They hardly ever ate out, and Loretta was not really crazy about eating anyone's cooking other than her own, but she knew that it must be important for Jackson to suggest such a thing. "What do you want me to wear?"

"Something beautiful and dressy. Maybe something sexy if you think you might like to get lucky after dinner."

"What time will you be home?"

"I'll be home at 7:30. Be ready. I'll change quickly so we can make 8:30 reservations."

"Isn't that kind of late for dinner?"

"I already told your staff you'd be coming in late tomorrow."

"You did, huh?"

"Yeah."

"What's the occasion?"

"It's our anniversary."

"What?"

"One year ago today, I walked into the Russell Inn and in less than five minutes I fell in love with the most unusual and fascinating woman I'd ever met. Things went a little off the beam for a while, but we're finally where I dreamed we would be, only even better."

Loretta turned to face the wall, brushed the tears from her eyes and said, "Don't make me cry." She cleared her throat and added, "I'll be ready at 7:30."

She glanced at her watch and said to the women making the pies, "Anybody have a problem with me knocking off early? Jackson wants to go out for dinner and I'd like to pop off to buy something special."

The women all adored Jackson, and they shooed her out calling out for her to buy something really sexy.

Loretta did not like provocative clothing, but she knew that Jackson liked silk and that green was his favorite color. She stopped at a department store that was more expensive than the places she ordinarily shopped and bought a beautiful green silk dress that was clingy and sexy without showing too much skin. It was outrageously expensive, but Loretta's heart told her that Jackson was worth it.

Jackson had made reservations at a very upscale Japanese restaurant. It had hibachi tables for crowds, but they sat at an intimate table in an alcove off the bar. They ordered sushi and then a hibachi meal to share. They drank sake and gazed at one another, talking about nothing in particular, but it all seemed so important.

After dinner, they declined desert. The waiter insisted, saying, "I have the perfect thing to top of your lovely evening. Please let me bring it."

Loretta smiled up at him and said, "Okay. Surprise us with something else wonderful after that marvelous meal."

A waitress delivered a pot of tea. The waiter returned with a plate of almond cookies (which were Loretta's all time favorite cookie). A ring box sat on the middle of the plate. The waiter grinned, saying, "Enjoy."

Loretta stared at the box and then at Jackson. She twirled the pinkie ring that she never took off. She raised her eyebrows and asked, "What might that be?"

"Open it and find out."

Inside the box was a plain band with a round cut solitaire diamond. She looked at Jackson, speechless.

He said, "I know we are happy with the way things are now. I don't expect you to change your name or change the way we live in any way. But, I would be honored if you would let me make you my wife."

She looked past the candlelight into his shining eyes, with tears welling up in her own. "Yes. I'll marry you." Then she looked at him suspiciously, "Did Mama put you up to this?"

"No. To her credit your mother has never said a word to me about the fact that I have been shacking up with her beloved daughter without benefit of matrimony. I figured she reserved those lectures for you."

"Pretty much."

"I don't think she'll mind."

"Mind? Hell, she'll do back flips around the complex. She adores you." She paused, "I don't have the feeling that your siblings will be quite so happy about our news."

He made a face, "My family will just have to deal with it. I took you to Mama's funeral last month at their insistence, because they wanted to meet you. They were not nice to you. I've made my choice. You're my family now. It will stay that way until and unless my family is able to commit to treating you with respect. End of story."

"That makes me feel bad. I hate coming between you and your family."

"You know I didn't have much of a relationship with them before. So, don't worry about it."

They left the restaurant a little after 10:00 PM. Loretta asked, "Can we swing by Mama's?"

"Sure."

She called her mother's number. Freddie answered on the second ring, sounding alarmed, "What's wrong, Loretta?"

"Nothing, Mama. I know it's late. Were you in bed?"

"Not yet, just making the coffee pot and starting to get ready for bed."

"Jackson and I are nearby and we'd like to stop by, just for a minute if you wouldn't mind."

"I'm already in my housecoat."

"That's okay with us if you are okay with it."

"What's going on?"

"We'll be there in a few minutes."

When Freddie opened the door, her face registered surprise at how dressed up they were. She stood back and let them come in. She shut the door and turned to them with wide eyes and one hand in front of her mouth, "What's wrong?"

Loretta smiled and said, "Nothing is wrong. In fact, everything is just perfectly wonderful." She held out her left hand toward her mother. The ring flashed. Freddie put both hands in front of her face and burst into tears.

Jackson quipped, "Gee, I was hoping you'd be happy about our engagement."

Then they all joined in the happy tears and ended with a group hug accompanied by soggy, salty kisses all around.

## Chapter 17

Their bliss was interrupted a couple of weeks later when the prosecutor from Spenser called to tell Loretta that Ashbury's trial was set for the first week in October and he wanted her to testify live.

She said, "Do I absolutely have to be there live? Don't you have enough evidence to prosecute without me?"

"I probably do, but his lawyer is making a big deal about the fact that he has a right to face his accuser, which he does."

"I won't argue with you. Tell me when and where I need to be. And I need to know that I will be safe from him. As I understand it, he's still out on bail."

"We understand. The trial starts at 9:30 in the morning, so you'll have to stay over the night before. We'll make sure to guard the hotel. I'll have a friend of mine from Knoxville call and make the reservations in a bogus name. Nobody will know where you are staying."

"Okay."

"Will your mother be coming with you?"

"No. In fact, I'm not even going to tell her about it until it's over. Jackson will be with me."

"Okay. I'll get a double room."

After Jackson left for work, she called her attorney and asked what he had been able to dig up on Ashbury. He told her he had quite a lot of evidence pointing to Ashbury being a serial rapist who had attacked women all over the country, but especially in a line of towns from Spencer to Miami over a period of the last five years. She asked if he had shared that information with anyone. He told her he had not. She asked him to mail it anonymously to the prosecutor.

A few days later, the prosecutor called her and said, "The trial's off. He changed his plea to guilty."

"Why?"

"There was an interesting development. Someone sent me a packet of pretty convincing evidence pointing at other rapes that he may have committed. A lot of the evidence is circumstantial, but I'm sure cops in other jurisdictions would be interested in seeing it."

"That was fortuitous."

"Yes. I thought the timing was interesting."

"How so?"

"On the eve of trial, when I asked you to testify, I get a packet of information that caused him to change his plea."

"Such a coincidence."

"How long have you had that information?"

"I never had the information at all. The private detective my lawyer hired was holding onto it until and unless we needed it."

"Well, he's going to jail for twenty years."

"I hope he dies in jail."

"I do, too. He's always been a scum bag."

Loretta closed her eyes and forced herself to breathe slowly. "So. This means we're done."

"Yes."

"When will he be eligible for parole?"

"About ten years."

"Will I be notified before they let him out?"

"If you want to be. Keep my office informed of your address and contact information. We will keep the parole office current."

"Okay. Thank you. I guess this is good-bye."

"Yes, ma'am. I understand you've moved to Asheville, which I think was a good idea for both you and your mama. If you come back to visit, stop by."

"We will. Give Mama's regards to everybody you see because she's friends with all of them."

"I will. She's well?"

"Yes. She's getting along fine. She works in my bakery a few days a week and then hangs out with the widows in her apartment complex the rest of the time."

"That sounds like Freddie. All the old men in Spencer are just pining away."

"I'll bet they are."

They rang off. Loretta went out on the balcony and watched the dying sunlight filter through the clouds, playing across the mountains. She thought that she might want to cry, but then realized that she had no tears left to spill over those events. Ashbury was in jail where he belonged. She lived in a lovely home, enjoyed her wonderful job and spent her nights in the arms of the man she loved. How could she waste any negative emotions on the events of the past? She realized that she had fully healed. The memory would never go away, but the the emotional wounds had healed in the same manner as the physical wounds: with permanent scars that she could live with. She was going to be okay.

Jackson came in later and found her staring off into space, smiling. "You are the picture of contentment."

"Yes, I am. I am so happy it ought to be illegal."

"About what?"

"About my wonderful life."

He sat in the chair next to her and poked her with his elbow, "I wouldn't happen to have any part in that, would I?"

"Maybe a little bit." She paused and looked at him, hesitating.

He looked concerned. "What's wrong?"

"I want to ask you a question, but I don't want you to think I'm trying to push you."

"What's your question?"

"When do you want to get married?"

"I've wanted to marry you for months. How about tomorrow?"

"You're serious? You want to get married right away?"

"Yes, dammit! I've been resisting pushing the issue because I thought you were skittish about it."

"I was at first, but the more I think about it, the better I like the idea. I think I'm ready to start talking about what kind of a wedding we want and when we want to do it."

He put his face in his hands. For a minute Loretta thought he was going to cry. Then he looked up at her and smiled. She had never seen such naked, childlike joy on an adult's face. For a moment she thought she might cry, but she managed to get control of herself and smile back. "So. What kind of a wedding would you like?"

"Well, at first I thought we would get married on the veranda at the Russell Inn, but since you sold it, I guess that's out. They do weddings at Biltmore."

Loretta made a face. "No. That place is beautiful, but it's not really us. What about that park where we go walking sometimes. We could get married by the waterfall."

"That would be nice. You think your mother could make the walk?"

"Probably not. That actually raises a point that Mama and I have talked about. Do you plan to invite your family."

"No. Now that Mama's gone, and, considering the way they treated you at her funeral, I'm not inclined to invite them."

"Well, I appreciate the fact that you want to include Mama, but she says we really don't have to. She and Papa ran off and got married, and neither of them had anything to do with their families again. Mama has never told me why they were estranged from their families, but in any case, Mama is one of the few Southern mothers I've ever met who's not a fan of big weddings. She put a lot of pressure on me over the years to get married, but now that I'm engaged, she's made it clear that she thinks a wedding should be for the bride and groom alone."

"Really?"

"Yes. I was positively shocked, to tell you the truth."

"You think she means it or is she just trying to be polite?"

"Mama only does things to be polite for other people. She feels no obligation to be polite to me. That makes me think that she really and truly doesn't expect to be part of it."

"Then that makes it easy. We can get married anywhere we want to, including the courthouse."

"I was thinking of that."

"Do you want to go on a honeymoon?"

She smiled. "You know, I do want to go away. Even if it's only a few days. We need a break."

"We could go anywhere."

"We can't go far. I have a business to run."

"Your business runs itself."

"I guess I'd like to go someplace special for just us, but I want to come home soon because I love it so much here."

"Okay. You want to go to the beach? To the mountains? The desert?"

"Where do you want to go?"

He smiled, "If it were up to me, we'd go to the beach. I love our mountains, but occasionally I miss the ocean."

"Then it's settled. I've never spent any time on the East Coast beaches. I loved going to the beach in California, even if the water was cold.

"So. We're going to elope and go on a honeymoon to the beach. When and where?"

"Let's get married at Thanksgiving and go to Hilton Head. That will be off season there. In fact it could be chilly, but beaches won't be crowded and we can wander for miles just the two of us."

"That's only a few weeks away."

"Too soon?"

"No. I can't wait. Let's start looking for a hotel."

"Can we eat supper first?"

As it turned out, Freddie did go to the wedding because Loretta prevailed upon her mother to be her matron of honor one evening when the three of them were having dinner in the closed bakery, which they often did because Freddie couldn't navigate the stairs to their apartment.

After Loretta had talked her mother into witnessing the wedding on her behalf, Jackson asked, "Do the witnesses have to be a man and a woman? Or do you just need two witnesses?"

"I don't know. Why?"

"I've been thinking about it. My closest male friend is an Army buddy who lives in Texas. I don't want him to have to fly all the way here for a five minute ceremony at the courthouse. Other than Loretta, my closest friend here is the head nurse at the hospital. She's been my rock since the day I arrived. If you wouldn't mind, and if it would be legal, I'd like to ask her to be my Best Woman." He grinned and blew a kiss at Loretta, "Or maybe my Second Best Woman."

They confirmed with the court that any two witnesses over eighteen were sufficient. Jackson obtained the nurse's agreement to witness the wedding and swore her to secrecy. Jackson had a pretty good idea that the people at the hospital would want him to throw a party at some point. He brought that up with Loretta. She laughed and said that she had been thinking the same thing. Her staff were very close and some of her regular customers had risen to the level of friends. She thought that having a party when they got back would be fun. She suggested perhaps they could have a holiday party. Neither their apartment nor the bakery was big enough for a large party.

Loretta said, "The building we rent for the pie baking has a very large room that we don't use. I think it used to be a restaurant or a party hall of some sort. It has paneling and nice lighting. We're only using the kitchen. Maybe we could rent some tables and chairs, and have the party there."

They picked a date in mid-December. Freddie and the staff of the bakery announced that they would take care of everything. All Loretta needed to do would be to send out her invitations and leave the rest to the party-planning experts. Since neither Loretta nor Jackson had ever planned a party, that seemed like a sensible plan.

They ended up inviting about forty people, about evenly divided between hospital staff and customers of the bakery.

They got married at the courthouse the day before Thanksgiving, kissed Freddie and Frances good-bye, and headed for South Carolina. As they approached Columbia, she said, "You know, you really should at least tell your family about our marriage and give them the opportunity to reconcile."

He sighed, "Okay, dammit. If you're going to nag me about it."

She laughed and said, "Well, well, we've been married about three hours and you're already calling me a nag. This is working out well."

He glanced at her to see if she was serious. She winked at him and smiled.

He called his oldest sister. They chatted for a few minutes and caught up on family news. His tone was pleasant and matter of fact. After a few minutes he said, "Listen, Charlotte, I'm just going to blurt this out. Loretta and I got married this morning. We're going to be on our honeymoon at the beach for a few days. I wanted you to know." He paused, and said, "Well, anyway, I just wanted you to know. Good-bye."

He didn't cry, but he looked as though he wanted to. He gripped the wheel a little tighter and leaned his head slightly forward, concentrating on the road. Loretta reached out and put her hand on his thigh. He drove with his left hand and put his right hand over hers. Neither of them said anything for more than an hour. As they merged onto I-95 near Charleston, he said, "Well, I've been informed that I've made my choice and I'll have to live with it. You're my family now, Sugar."

She gripped his hand with all her might and said, "I'm so sorry."

He put his mouth in a straight line and said, "Perhaps it's for the best. You bring out the best in me. In the bosom of my family, I was always in trouble, and instead of it making me try to get along with them, it made me more rebellious. In any case, that's that."

They spent the next few days walking the beaches for hours, from daybreak until early evening. In between walks, they made love. Occasionally, for something different they rented bikes and rode along the scenic trails that ribbon Hilton Head Island.

On the way home, Loretta said, "It doesn't happen often, but you were wrong about one thing."

"What's that?"

"You said you thought I'd love walking on the beach so much I wouldn't want to go back to the mountains. On the contrary, I can't wait to get back into the mountains." Soon after they climbed into the mountains just outside of Spartanburg, they saw a sign for a park with a scenic trail. They stopped and walked for more than an hour. When they climbed back in the car, chapped and windblown, Loretta ran her fingers through her hair and stretched contentedly, "Now, that's what I'm talking about!"

"My very own Mountain Woman."

She laughed and nodded. "You got it!"

"I have to admit, I found myself missing the mountains over the past few days. I think I may be turning into a Mountain Man."

She giggled. "That's fine, but do me one favor."

"What's that?"

"Please don't grow a beard. I am not a fan of facial hair."

He said, "Damn! And I was just thinking I'd look right fine as Grizzly Adams."

She shook her head, "I don't think that would go over in the ER."

"I suppose you're right."

They drove the rest of the way to Asheville, holding hands, enjoying the mountain scenery. They arrived home late in the afternoon and holed up in their apartment for the rest of the day, making out and talking about their plans for their lives together. Plans which were heavy on sex and domestic bliss, but did not seem to include a lot of other activity, or people.

The party that everyone involved had started calling the "Un-Wedding Reception" was a huge success. Freddie and the ladies from the bakery pulled out all the stops, creating interesting food combinations and an elegant and romantic decoration theme. Instead of renting them, Loretta bought table cloths, napkins and china, with the idea that perhaps they could use the room for catered parties at other times. The party was such a success, within a week at least a dozen people asked to rent the room for events in the coming year to be catered by _Miss Loretta's Pies_.

And thus, Loretta made her entrance into the catering and event planning business.

She named her party venue "The Russell Inn," and hired a professional event planner to run the operation. The place stayed booked almost every weekend from the time it opened. After a few months they opened to the public for dinner on Tuesday through Thursday, with a menu that changed monthly.

Loretta was so consumed with running her businesses and spending every other minute with Jackson, she eliminated virtually everything else from her life. In January she got a notice from Dr. Goldstein that it had been a year since she'd been seen in his office. He asked her to schedule an appointment. She put it aside, and forgot about it.

In the spring, Jackson was promoted to the chief doctor for the Emergency Room. Loretta threw a huge party for him at the Russell Inn, and invited all the hospital big shots. Within a month, they got ten bookings from people who had attended the party.

One evening in June, Jackson came home from an eighteen hour shift. He headed straight for the shower, looking pale and tired. Loretta opened a beer for him and had it sitting on the counter when he came out of the bathroom. She asked, "Do you want to eat right away or visit for a while."

He looked at her as though he barely recognized her and said, "I don't care." Then he sat down on the couch and fell asleep.

Loretta let him sleep for a while, and put away the supper she had cooked. About 9:00, she woke him, and encouraged him to eat some cheese and crackers, after which she led him to bed. He was asleep before she finished brushing her teeth.

The next day he was off, and Loretta had arranged to take the day off as well. She got up about 4:30 AM and sat down at the computer, searching for remote mountain vacation retreats. When she heard him stirring, she put aside her computer and made a huge breakfast for him. They packed snacks and drove up into the mountains where they hiked for several hours. By the time they got home, Jackson seemed more relaxed, but still tired, and way too quiet.

After dinner, Loretta said, "I'm not very good at confrontation, but I need to say something to you. Ever since your promotion, you've been pushing yourself too hard. You've been pulling away from me. Today was the first time in over a month we've gone for a walk together. We haven't made love in more than two weeks. Even today, we didn't talk like we used to do on our walk. You're scaring me, Jackson. You are the sun around which my world revolves, and when you pull away from me, it scares me."

He looked at her with tired eyes, and said, "Maybe we need a vacation."

She snapped her fingers and said, "My thoughts exactly! I've found just the place. Tomorrow, please submit a request for two weeks vacation as soon as it can be scheduled. Call me to let me know when, so I can make the reservation."

"Don't I get to vote on where?"

"Do you trust me to pick a place we both will love?"

"I think so. I guess my only requirement is that I don't want there to be a phone or a TV or a radio. I want to get away. Far away."

Jackson called her the next day and told her he had the first two weeks of July off. She scheduled herself to be away from her business affairs during that period as well.

She made arrangements to rent a remote and very rustic cabin in the mountains in western Virginia near the Shenandoah Valley.

They spent two weeks hiking in the mountains, reading, sleeping and lying on a double lounge chair on the porch, talking and making love. In the entire two weeks, they never saw another person, turned on the TV, or talked on the phone. Before they left home, Loretta set up an emergency email address that they promised to check once a day, and gave the address to Freddie and to the emergency room administrator. They were to use it only in the case of a vacation-ending emergency. Loretta dutifully checked the email every morning when she woke. There were no messages.

One morning near the end of their vacation, Loretta sipped her steaming coffee, stretched out on the lounge chair and said, "Let's just stay here."

"What?"

"We have enough money to live on if we live simply enough. Over the last year, you've saved a ton of money, because we didn't have a mortgage payment. You paid all our personal bills and I banked virtually everything I made from my businesses. We could buy a little place like this on a small patch of land somewhere and live in the woods."

"We're both used to being busy. What would we do?"

"What we're doing now."

"Don't you think we'd be bored after a while?"

"Maybe. But I could plant a garden, and can vegetables, make jam. We could walk in the woods. You take fabulous photos, maybe you could submit them to magazines. You told me once you used to want to paint. You could paint to your heart's content. I'd love to have the time to plant a garden and grow our own food. I'm sure we could find all kinds of things to occupy our time."

"You're serious, aren't you?"

"Yeah. I'm tired of working eighteen hour days. Don't get me wrong, it's been fun building those businesses. But, they're at the point where they're running themselves. At first it was an adventure because I didn't know what I was doing and I was learning something new every day. Now, it's just a job. One I don't really enjoy any more. I liked it when I was working in the kitchen, up to my elbows in pie crust. Now I mostly sit at the computer and keep track of the money or play hostess to big parties. I don't like either of those aspects of the job.

"As for you, I know you weren't thrilled with your job when we met. Ever since your promotion, you have seemed less and less happy. I know you still love me, but you seem both stressed and sad a lot and unable or unwilling to show much affection.. I don't take it personally because I know it's work-related, but it hurts me to see you so miserable. And, it hurts me even worse to feel you pulling away from me. After all those years of living alone without any affection, I crave love more than anything.

"I'm telling you, you don't have to do it if you don't want to."

"Are you sure we have enough money to live on forever? We're only in our early 40's."

Loretta retrieved her Netbook from her purse in the bedroom closet. She downloaded and opened a spreadsheet. "This is a summary of all of our investments: your 401(k) and personal savings; my investment portfolio."

"Oh my God, that's over $3 million! Most of it is your money."

"It is 'our' money. Notice that your 401(k) is up there, too. It had been doing great, but, the economy is tanking. I have moved all of my investments into U. S. Treasury bonds and cash. I recommend that you do the same. The yield is about 3%, and that has held fairly steady for years. It may go down some as more people move money into bonds. I say we take $500,000 out to buy land and a house, which we will totally trick out with solar energy, a recycled water system and a septic system so it will be completely self contained. We'll have no utility bills. Our only expenses will be food and taxes, and I suppose cell phones and Internet access. If we live on two thirds of our interest, our principal will continue to grow – slowly, but steadily. If we don't have all the expense of living in a city, we could easily live on $50,000, probably a whole lot less once we start growing a garden."

"How long have you been thinking about this?"

"For months! Since your promotion, anyway.

"I've been a business tycoon. Twice. I built my consulting business up to where I was working 18 hour days seven days a week. I was making money hand over fist, and saving it all because I didn't have a spare moment to go shopping, not that I wanted to buy anything. After I moved to Asheville, I started the bakery mainly for something to do when you were at work, and the next thing I knew, I was back to working 18 hour days!

"I miss the mountains. We never have time to go for long walks. Our workouts now are fast runs on the treadmill and 20 minutes of weight training at the gym. I hate the gym. I'm tired of the grind. Unfortunately, most people don't have the luxury of escaping the rat race. We do. I'd like to try it."

She put out her hands in an imploring gesture. "If, after a while, we find we're bored and hate it, we can always go back and start over again. Maybe you could go into private practice and I could be your office manager. Or you could get a job in a lab. I could teach computer classes for old people or tutor kids in school. Who knows? We'll cross that bridge if and when we come to it.

"In the meantime, I want us to get off this crazy merry-go-round that is driving us apart."

Jackson stretched out on the chaise next to her, with his hands behind his head, closed his eyes and murmured, "To spend all of our time in a tiny cabin in the woods, just the two of us." His chest literally expanded, and an expression of joy spread over his face that made Loretta laugh out loud.

"You look like the laughing Buddha."

"That may be appropriate. I think I have just achieved Enlightenment!" He sat up and said, his voice trembling with excitement, "When can we start house-hunting?"

"What do you think about this place?"

"I think it's totally perfect."

"The owner will sell us the cabin and a quarter of an acre for $120,000."

"You already talked to him?"

"I started looking for a vacation cabin a few weeks ago. I fell in love with every one I looked at, and then I started focusing on those that I thought we might want to buy for a vacation retreat even if you weren't willing to quit your regular job and move to the woods. I liked this one, and thought we should try it out for a couple of weeks. I'm ready to buy it. What do you think?"

"Absolutely! How long do you think it will take before we can move?"

"I don't think it should take too long. Right now the cabin is hooked up to electricity. We can hire a contractor to install solar panels and fuel efficient appliances including a chest freezer, and all of that. But we could still live here while that work is going on. Hopefully by the first snowfall, we'll be self contained enough to hibernate for the winter. I figure by spring we'll know if we'll be able to tolerate living here."

"We'll be modern day pioneers."

"Mountaineers anyway."

"I think the more common word for that is hillbillies."

"By whatever name others refer to us, I believe we'll be happy here."

Before they left Virginia, they met with the property owner and closed on the house. Loretta had already moved money from her investment account to her checking account. The property owner was astonished when she wrote him a personal check for the full purchase price.

When they returned to Asheville, Jackson turned in his in his notice at the hospital. No one there was terribly surprised that he was quitting. He had been unhappy in his job from the beginning. The people he shared his actual plans with were shocked, and the word spread through the hospital grapevine even faster than gossip usually did. Casey Albright stopped by the ER late in the afternoon and asked Jackson if he could take a break. They went into the doctors' lounge and Casey asked him what was up. Jackson told him their plans. Casey asked, "Don't you think that's running away from your problems?."

Jackson laughed, "Maybe. Then again, maybe we're running toward the thing we want more than we want professional success. We have both worked hard and saved our money. We're tired of spending all our time doing things that don't nurture us. Lately, we have had very little time to spend together. We both waited years to find our soul-mate. Having found each other, we want to spend all our time together. I think we're not running away from anything. I thing we are running full throttle toward our bliss." He shrugged, "And if it turns out we're bored and lonely for society, we'll come back and get new jobs. In the meantime, we need to rest and be together."

Casey laughed, "You're not that introspective. I'm guessing this whole scheme originated with Loretta."

"It did. Because you're right: I'm not introspective or calculating enough to have noticed what was happening to me or to have figured out a way to get myself out of the rut I was plowing myself into. Loretta saw what was happening, and she made a plan to fix it. My role was mainly to embrace it with all my heart and ask her to execute it as soon as possible."

"I hope you will be very happy. I have to say, I'm not sure I would really do it if the opportunity came along, but it sounds wonderful."

"Even if it's only for few months, we need the time together, away from the rat race."

Loretta broke the news to her mother. Freddie was not terribly surprised. She told Loretta she knew that both Loretta and Jackson were bordering on burnout. Even though the move would take them away from her, Freddie acknowledged they needed to be together, alone.

Loretta promised to visit Freddie as often as possible, and added, "We will have phone and internet service there, so we can talk every day, like we did when I lived in California."

Freddie smiled, "Well, at least before you up and moved off to the wilderness, you got me settled in Asheville, with a one-level apartment that has elevator access. I've made lots of friends and a have a good support network. I'm more self-sufficient here than I ever could have been living in that big house in Spencer. I'll be fine. You deserve this."

The next day Loretta called a meeting for all of the employees of the Miss Loretta's Pies and the Russell Inn. She told them that she was going to step aside, "You people run the business. You don't need me any more. I hardly do anything but keep the books and get in the way in the kitchen occasionally. I am leaving. You can organize yourselves in whatever manner you choose. I recommend you hire my accountant to keep the books. He's already familiar with the business operations."

The event planner asked, "Are you going to sell the business?"

"No. I'm going to give it away. I'm giving it to you. All of you. Each of you will receive an equity share in the business according to the same percentage as your profit sharing has been for this year. That equity percentage will be locked in, even if your position changes. If you quit, the company will buy you out. If you are fired, the equity ownership reverts to the business with no money to you. Partnership agreements will be mailed to you this week spelling out your rights and duties as co-owners of the business. I'm sure there are tax consequences for that, so you should consult with an accountant before you file your taxes next year. Anyway, you are now all officially the shareholders of the Russell Inn LLC, which is the entity that owns both the bakery and the restaurant. Congratulations."

One of the youngest employees, a waitress, asked, "Miss Loretta, what are you going to do?"

"I'm literally heading for the hills. Jackson and I are moving to a cabin in western Virginia."

Loretta had a contractor working on the cabin in less than two weeks. New appliances were installed, along with solar panels, a water collection and recycling system and an environmentally friendly septic system. When the project was completed, the house would be completely self-contained and as environmentally friendly as current technology would allow.

Jackson gave the hospital a month's notice. Loretta quit all work on the restaurant immediately and devoted her time to planning their new life.

One of the cooks in the restaurant had just left her husband, and was staying with a friend. Loretta offered to let her move into the apartment with all its furnishings after she and Jackson left. She told the lady to work out a rental arrangement with the Russell Inn, because she had deeded over the buildings to the company.

They got rid of personal items they would not need in the mountains, including all her dresses and what she thought of as "girlie" clothes. She planned to revert to cargo pants and tee shirts with no makeup. Other than his clothes, toiletries, and camera gear Jackson had very few possessions. The only thing Loretta struggled with was getting rid of her array of computer equipment. Even though she didn't do the consulting work any more, she still had the the high-powered electronics. She sold all of it, and settled for a souped-up 15" laptop with wireless internet access through her cell phone provider, and a small wireless printer.

After that she went shopping for the new things they would need: warm winter gear, hiking boots, satellite phones, and food. Lots of food. Loretta did some research on survival and camping websites and wrote out a month's worth of menus for the two of them. Then she created a shopping list. Jackson whistled. "That's a lot of groceries."

"Yeah. But, we won't have to go to the store for a month."

"Are we nuts?"

"Probably. Does that bother you?"

"Not at all. I'm totally jazzed about this. I'm glad you thought of it."

They traded in both of their cars and bought a Jeep. By the first of August, they were ready. The house wasn't completely finished, but the contractor told them it was habitable. They were just finishing up the water recycling and septic system, which would be finished within the week. They could use the existing delivered water in the meantime.

They drove away from Asheville with all their possessions in the back of the Jeep, and with room to spare.

It took them less than an hour to put their clothes away, make the bed and put away their toiletries. Then they emptied kitchen cabinets of its battered pots and pans and dishes, and put away the new dishes and pans they had purchased. After that they cleaned out the pantry, which contained a few canned goods they could use, but mostly it was cluttered with junk that had accumulated over the years. They wiped down the shelves and put down shelf paper.

Loretta said, "I brought enough food for a couple of days. You want to knock off for today and play or do you want to go into town and buy our supplies?"

"Let's play, starting with a long walk."

They walked for hours using their GPS for guidance so they did not need to stick to the marked trails. Loretta found that she felt safer in the wild woods than on the trails. Jackson took dozens of photos, including several of her.

They arrived back at the cabin just as the workers were knocking off for the day. The contractor told them that the water collection system was all hooked up, but he recommended they continue to keep tanks of delivered water on hand to avoid running out during dry spells. He showed them how to read the meters on the electric system and how to monitor the septic system.

After he left, Jackson said, "Other than our phones and internet connection, we are totally off the grid."

"Isn't that cool? I wish I could bring myself to think about getting rid of my phone and computer, but, I'd get rid of my right arm before I'd do that."

"Why are you so into this? For me it's about communing with nature. I don't see you as a nature lover, even though you like to walk. Half the time I don't think you're even aware of the scenery. What do you get out of this?"

"You have opened my eyes to the beauty of the scenery, which is wonderful. Thank you for that. I think I'm basically anti-social. I don't like to be around a lot of people. You're all I need in the way of company, and I want you all to myself.

"Additionally, for some reason, I've always had this dread of being homeless and helpless. It has always been my goal to find a place to live where I don't have to depend on anyone. I've always dreamed of owning a home that is mine that nobody can ever take away from me."

She looked up at him with a puzzled expression, "Do you think I am I a sociopath?"

"Possibly, but you pose no danger to anyone and you appear to be genuinely happy in this environment, so I think it's okay."

A couple of days later, they went into town to officially move in. They registered their car and applied for Virginia drivers licenses. Then they went to the nearest warehouse store and bought a membership, after which they bought a month's worth of groceries. Jackson bought an easel, paints and several canvases. When they got home, they put away the food and then went for a hike. When they got home, he printed out a picture of an unusual tree, clipped it to his easel, and looked at Loretta with a little boy's excitement, "No time like the present to dive in!"

"Go for it. I'm going to go outside and call Mama."

Their days flowed like a mountain stream. They reverted to an almost primitive existence. They got up when the sun came up and went to bed when it got dark. They ate when they were hungry. They typically took two walks a day, usually for a couple of hours each. Jackson took hundreds of photos, which he posted on a website he created. He painted pictures, which turned out to be surprisingly good. He took some photos of his paintings and posted them for sale on his website. He sold out within a week.

Loretta occupied herself with gardening. She planted herbs and flowers. It was too late in the season to plant a vegetable garden, but she laid one out for the spring, and tilled the soil by hand. Jackson offered to rent a rototiller, but she declined. She held up her arm and showed him her developing muscles. "I have worked at a computer my whole life. I was thin, but flabby. I'm liking these muscles."

They both lost weight, even though they had not been heavy. They put on muscle. When they took off their clothes, they laughed about their farmer tans.

One evening as they were getting ready for bed, Loretta laughed. "You remember how we worried about being bored? Hell, I'm having a hard time keeping up with all the stuff I've got going on! I haven't even had a chance to read lately."

He asked, "What have you been up to? I noticed you've been spending a lot of time on the computer again."

"Well, it seems that you are married to a person with a bit of a Midas touch. We had quite a bit of our $500,000 stake left over after we redid the house, plus we had our emergency savings account, which I figured we don't need any more. So, I invested $200,000 in a venture capital fund. I just got a quarterly dividend of $25,000."

"That's approximately equal to our annual budget."

"That's right. And since we kept out enough money in our checking account to live on for two years, unless you object, I'm going to invest this money in something else and see what happens."

"Go for it. You're the money-maker around here."

She laughed. "I always saved my money, but I kept my investments in managed funds. I've never traded on my own. I'm gonna give it a shot."

By the first of November, they decided to lay in their winter provisions to avoid getting stranded by a late fall snowstorm. They went to the store and bought four months of groceries, which completely filled the jeep, including Loretta's lap. They filled the freezer with meat, and the pantry with canned goods, pastas, rice and other staples..

Loretta had bought canning supplies on their shopping trip in October. One weekend they went to a farmers market in the Shenandoah Valley. Loretta bought several pumpkins, a bushel of corn, a bushel of apples, and two bushels of tomatoes. She spent the next few days putting up her own canned goods to add to their larder.

As she was cleaning up from a long day in the kitchen, she said, "You know, honey, these woods are filled with blackberries. In the spring we'll go berrying and I'll make jams and jellies for us. And I'll grow a garden and put up our own food, so next year we won't have to buy so much."

He laughed, "Well aren't you just the most frugal little farm wife?"

She grinned and made a face, "Who knew?"

There were times when Loretta felt so happy it was almost painful.

One day at supper, Jackson said, "My paintings of trees and clouds and rock are pretty good, I think. Do you agree?"

"I think they're fantastic."

"I would like to paint something really beautiful."

"Like what?"

"You."

"Me?" She laughed, "Yeah, I'm a real beauty these days with no makeup, a self-inflicted hair cut, and usually with dirt or food stains on my clothes. Look at my hands." She held up hands that were growing callouses from working in the garden, with ragged nails and cuts and scratches on both hands and forearms.

Jackson took her hand, rubbed it with his own smooth, well-manicured hand, and kissed her palm. "You are the most beautiful thing in my world. I want to paint you."

"Can you do it from a photo, or do I have to sit still."

He laughed out loud and the sound echoed in the rafters. "You? Sit still? That'll be the day! No. I'll do it from a photo."

"Do you want me to pose, or do you plan to use one you already have."

"I have one I want to use. Problem is I don't think you're going to like it."

"Why?"

"Do you remember that day in September when it was so hot, we cooled off in a creek."

She raised her eyebrows and her forehead wrinkled, "Yes. I. do."

"Well, I took some pictures of you that afternoon, when you weren't looking."

"Naked pictures?"

"Yep."

"Jackson!"

"Oh my, God, Sugar, you looked like some kind of nature goddess."

"Let me see them."

"He showed her the photos on his camera."

"The lighting is amazing."

"I know. That's why I want to try painting them. The photo was taken from away. I'll use the one where you're facing away from the camera. I have to try to paint it, but, I didn't want to paint you in the nude without your permission."

"Okay. Go for it. But, let's talk again before you post them online for sale or anything."

"Okay. Actually, this is really for practice. I've never tried to paint people before."

The painting turned out better than either of them could have imagined. Loretta looked like a wood nymph playing in the water. She wasn't even embarrassed by her nudity. Since they never had company, she let him hang the picture in their bedroom.

Next he painted her portrait, using a photo he'd taken of her sitting on a low hanging branch. Her face was sweaty and she had a smudge of dirt on her cheek. When she saw the painting, she started to cry, "How can somebody so filthy be so beautiful?"

He took her in his arms and said, "I don't know, but you manage to do it every day."

"I'm a regular Pigpen."

"Yep. You can get dirtier more easily than anyone I've ever met. What's amazing is that you don't seem to mind being dirty. I find that, on you, dirt is quite attractive."

In the spring they visited Freddie in Asheville. While they were there they spent an evening at the Russell Inn, which just "happened" to be filled with hospital staff and old regulars. Their friends could not get over how fit and deliriously happy they appeared to be. Freddie told Loretta she was not thrilled that Loretta had reverted to no makeup and dressing like a nine-year old boy, but since Jackson didn't seem to mind she'd keep her further opinions to herself.

Between Loretta's successful investments and Jackson's sale of paintings, they hadn't touched their savings, and it continued to accumulate. They grew so much of their own food, their annual budget actually went down. The first year, they bought meat for the freezer.

By the second year on the mountain, they had given up meat altogether, which reduced their cost of living even more. In the spring they gathered nuts and berries. Throughout the summer they bought fruit and vegetables in quantity from farmers markets. They feasted on fresh vegetables, and Loretta canned and froze the rest. She made batches of vegetable soup, tomato sauce, vegetarian chili, and every kind of squash casserole she could dream up. They had so much food left over at the end of their second year, they donated an entire carload of canned goods and frozen meals to a family in town whose house had burned down. They threw in a freezer to keep the food in.

One night in late October during their third year on the mountain, they were lounging on the porch swing, wrapped up in a blanket. Loretta asked, "Do you think we are selfish?"

"Yes."

"Do you think that's bad?"

"Maybe. I know our families and most of our former friends think it is."

"Why is it bad to be happy?"

"It isn't bad to be happy. A lot of people think it's bad to be different."

"I don't think it is. Sometimes I feel as thought I'm kind of doing Mama a favor by not being around to annoy her."

"I happen to feel exactly the same way about my family. I know it made them mad when I distanced my self from them years ago. But, when I was with them, I annoyed them even more. I think we're both better off up here on the mountain where we can't get on people's nerves."

She said, "I feel like we're in Eden."

"It differs from Eden in a couple of respects."

"What's that?"

"For one thing, I don't feel the least temptation to do evil. Do you?"

"Not unless it's evil for us to be here in the first place. What else."

"Eden didn't have the Internet."

"Maybe the Internet is like the Tree of Knowledge of Good and Evil."

"You mean forbidden fruit?"

"Maybe."

"You going to quit using it?"

"Not a chance."

He asked, "What brought this up? You, waxing philosophical creeps me out! Are you having second thoughts about our lifestyle?"

"Hell, no! If anything I'm trying to figure out how to stay here and never have to go to town for anything. But, Mama's been on my case to come visit again before winter. I just hate to leave the mountain. I've still got canning to do and I don't want to take the time. Nevertheless, I feel like we should visit her before the winter sets in."

"We're not going to have a freeze any time soon. Let's go tomorrow. We'll stay a few days and then come home and hole up for the winter."

"You want to see some of the people from the hospital?"

"No. We'll pop in on your mom and then come straight home. Two days. No socializing."

They had two wonderful days with Freddie. Loretta brought her mother a bushel basket filled with canned goods: jams, jellies, tomato sauce, homemade pumpkin pie filling, and canned corn. Jackson gave her one of his paintings of Loretta (wearing clothes). Freddie was overwhelmed by the joy they radiated.

On their way home, they stopped to lay in their winter supply of groceries. They didn't leave their homestead again until the spring of their fourth year on the mountain.

## Chapter 18

One day Jackson came home from a trip to the post office to mail a couple of his paintings and found Loretta in a state of agitation. "I can't find my phone! I know it's here. This is a small house. I can't find it."

He walked into the bedroom and picked the phone up from the night stand where Loretta always kept it. "Here you go."

Loretta looked horrified for a second, and then she tried to laugh it off. "What an idiot. Thank you. What would I do without you?"

Jackson didn't like the look on her face when she realized that the phone had been where she always left it.

She was strangely quiet the rest of the day. He didn't push her to talk, but he could tell she was upset. She continued to be withdrawn and distant for several days. Jackson had enough of that.

He begged her to leave her canning and gardening and go for a walk with him, which she rarely did anymore. She reluctantly agreed. They walked far into the woods and found a place where a stream had carved out a clear and still pool. He asked, "Do you want to go swimming?"

"So you can take more naked pictures of me? No thanks."

"I didn't bring my camera."

"You came on a walk and didn't bring your camera? I can't believe it."

"I want to make love and then I want to talk."

Loretta looked at him for a long time. Her eyes were filled with sorrow and pain. He wanted to look away, but he held her gaze. Then he held out his arms. She stepped into his embrace. They made love under the trees with the stream burbling beside them.

When they were through, Loretta started to get dressed. Jackson pulled her back down beside him. "We need to talk while we're naked. Honestly. Openly. There can be nothing hidden between us. Tell me the truth."

She started to cry. She didn't look at him. She clung to him so hard it hurt him. Even while wincing at her grip on his arm, he found himself feeling proud of her strength.

She said, "It's happening."

"What?"

"My short term memory is going fast. My cognitive abilities are eroding daily. Some days I have trouble writing coherent emails to Mama."

"Do you want to go see Dr. Goldstein?"

"Absolutely not. You and I both know there's nothing he can do."

"So what do you plan to do?"

"You told me that was something you never wanted to discuss."

Jackson wanted to scream like a girl in a slasher movie. Instead, he buried his face on Loretta's breast and sobbed. He cried like he hadn't done since he saw his first dead body in Iraq. She held him and cried with him.

Eventually, they cried themselves to sleep. Jackson awakened first. He watched her sleeping, naked on the ground and wished with all his heart he had brought his camera.

He woke her, telling her they should go home before dark. There was no one around. They didn't bother to dress, walking home carrying their clothes, holding hands.

A few days later, he came home from his daily walk and found a note from Loretta telling him that she'd gone to the post office.

He ripped it into confetti and screamed at the top of his lungs until his throat hurt.

When she got home, she went about her regular routine. She worked in the garden. She made supper. Jackson worked on sketching her from memory, sleeping naked on the ground.

They ate dinner in silence.

They went to bed at dark and made love for hours. The next morning, he started to get up. She pulled him back down and said, "Please make love to me again."

When they were finished, she cried for a few minutes, then she held him close and said, "Do you have any idea how much I love you?"

"If it's half as much as I love you, it's phenomenal."

"Go for your walk."

Jackson started to say something, but the look in her eyes prohibited further speech. She was far away from him and going deeper into her own pain every moment he stood there. Just like at the very beginning of their relationship, he felt as though she somehow turned her attention completely away from him and virtually forgot he was there.

He took his camera and headed into the woods. As he walked away from the house, he noticed that she was standing in the door taking a picture of him with her phone.

He returned three hours later. On the dining room table, he found a print of the photo she took of him. It showed the date and the time in the lower corner. Underneath it, was a letter from Loretta, addressed to no one describing her mental state and her reasons for her action. Jackson read the first two paragraphs and quit. Beneath that was her will.

He walked into the bedroom and found her naked on the bed. A mug was next to her on the night stand. He smelled it. It smelled like tea. A part of him wanted to drink the rest of it, and die, too.

Instead, he went back to the other room and called the police. He sat on the front porch and waited for them.

The sheriff read her letter, glanced at her will and looked around the house while the coroner examined the body and then bagged it.

Jackson asked him. "Will you have to do an autopsy?"

"Usually we do when someone dies at home, but she left detailed information about exactly what she took and how much. She specifically asked that we not autopsy her. I think we can corroborate her letter with a simple blood test."

Jackson somehow managed to say, "Would it be legal to bury her here without embalming her?"

"No, but you could have her cremated and then scatter her where ever you wish."

"Then that's what I'll do."

"I'll take her to the crematory after the coroner releases the body."

"Thank you."

The sheriff had read her letter several times. He said, "I'll take this with me. I am pretty sure there will be no further investigation."

"I hope not."

The sheriff asked, "Did you know what she was planning to do?"

"She told me a long time ago that she could not and would not ever be dependent on me or anyone else when the time came that she could not take care of herself. She gave me her power of attorney and her living will, and told me that she wanted to die in her own time and in her own way and, even though I am a doctor, she extracted my promise to respect her wishes and not try to save her if she were found alive when she had decided the time had come to die."

"Did you know that today was the day?"

"Yes."

"You stayed away longer than usual."

"Yes."

"I am very sorry for your loss, Dr. Shepherd."

"I don't know how I'll survive this, but I will do it because she gave me a purpose in life: I want to continue to paint pictures. Of her. In the mountains she loved."

=The End=
