When you think of Africa,
what's the first thing
that comes to mind?
It's probably Wakanda,
uh, handsome talk show hosts--
why, thank you--
or ruthless dictators.
Now, Wakanda
and the talk show hosts
aren't going anywhere,
thank God,
-but the dictators are
on their way out. -MAN: Yeah!
Breaking news.
In just the last few minutes,
word that the president of Sudan
has stepped down.
MAN: 
 Omar al-Bashir ousted
 by the army as part
 of a popular uprising.
 The army has dissolved
 the government,
 declared a state of emergency
 for three months.
WOMAN: 
 After three decades in power,
 multiple sources telling us,
 President Omar al-Bashir
 has resigned.
 He is under house arrest.
This is major news, people.
Sudan's dictator of 30 years
has been kicked out of power.
Although, I like how
he's saying he's stepping down.
No, no, no, my friend.
Let me put it this way.
When thousands of people
with guns come to your palace,
you don't get to make it sound
like it was your decision
to leave.
Yeah, like the mob is rushing
the palace gates,
and he comes out like, "Ah,
before you guys say anything,
"I want you to know
that I have chosen to step down.
Now what were you gonna say?"
(laughing):
"Mm, hoo, hoo, hoo, hoo."
And, also, just another thing.
I don't think it's fair
to give dictators house arrest,
all right?
'Cause have you seen
this guy's house, right?
Have you...?
Look at this.
So he pillages the country
to build a palace,
and then the punishment is
that he has to live in it.
That's not a rest.
That's a stay-cation.
That's what that is, okay?
In my opinion, they should give
the Sudanese people that house
and then let the dictator live
in the rest of the country
that he destroyed. That's what
the punishment should be.
-(applause and cheering)
-Not let you live in the palace.
Oh, and you know,
this is honestly
one of my favorite parts
of the story, is that
it was really the women of Sudan
who are driving
the protest movement, right?
-(cheers and applause) -People
were calling them... Yeah.
People were calling them
"Kandaka," the queens.
And I was thinking to myself,
how cool would it be
if Sudan replaced
this male dictator
with a woman dictator.
-Yeah. Yeah!
-(laughter, groaning)
Maybe not dictator, but, yeah.
(laughter)
So I will say,
this is an exciting time
for the African continent,
right?
You have the dictator of Sudan
who is out.
The dictator of Algeria
was just deposed.
And something tells me that
guy's scar is not gonna make it
to the end of the movie.
I don't know why,
but I got a feeling.
I got a good feeling.
But let's move on
from international news
to a story closer to home,
because while time is up
for African dictators,
the college scam parents
are just about
to start doing theirs.
Actress Lori Loughlin and
her husband Mossimo Giannulli
could face up
to 40 years in prison
in the college admissions
scandal.
MAN:
 E! News is also reporting
 that she thought prosecutors
 were bluffing about jail time
 when she and her husband
 turned down the initial offer.
You can't be serious.
(laughter)
Aunt Becky turned
down a plea deal
because she thought
the prosecutors were bluffing?
You see, that's what happens
when you're in Hollywood
for too long, all right?
You just assume everyone
around you is also acting. Yeah?
She's like, "Wow.
These prison bars feel so real."
"Now, for this beat-down scene,
are we using a stunt double?
Is that what's gonna happen?"
You know what? I-I know why
she thought
they were bluffing, though.
Law enforcement has
a great sense of humor.
You know,
they're always pulling pranks,
like yelling,
"Stop, or we'll shoot!"
And when the person stops,
they shoot anyway.
It's hilarious.
So, as it stands,
Lori Loughlin could face
up to 40 years in prison.
Yeah, which, let's be honest,
is a story
nobody could have predicted.
Right, for two years,
everyone's been like,
"Trump's gonna go down.
Trump's going down!"
And the universe was like,
"Okay, look,
I can't give you Trump,
"but I can give you Aunt Becky
"and one Desperate Housewife.
-Yes? Yes?"
-(laughter)
"Huh?"
(applause and cheering)
And speaking of celebrities
and the law,
if Aunt Becky is looking
for a lawyer
who understands her needs
as a famous person,
I know just who to call.
WOMAN: Kim Kardashian's
 new profession.
 The reality star working toward
 becoming a lawyer
 after helping a woman
 get released from prison.
WOMAN 2: As of last summer,
 Kim had enrolled
 in a four-year-long
 apprenticeship
 at a San Francisco law firm
 in order to prepare
 for the bar exam.
 Currently, she is studying
 18 hours a week
 underneath two
 practicing attorneys.
I'm like, "God, if there wasn't
the long college process,
I would be an attorney."
But I just...
I-I researched, um,
that in the state of California,
I could assist
-an attorney for three years...
-And then...?
and just take the bar.
Now, that's who I want
as my lawyer.
-(laughter)
-Yeah.
I want the lawyer who goes,
"God, if this wasn't so hard,
then I wouldn't have done it."
She's gonna be packing up
her papers
at the end of the trial like,
"I'm sorry. If the other side
wasn't so prepared,
you would so be acquitted."
(laughter)
But I-I will say this.
I do think it's admirable
that Kim Kardashian wants
to become a lawyer, right,
as part of her journey
on criminal justice reform.
And honestly, I believe in her,
because there's nothing
you cannot achieve
when you really, really want to
avoid talking to your husband.
Just like, "Hey, Kim,
I discovered a new form
of energy in my mind!"
She's like, "Uh, I'm studying
for the next four years."
