 
Cecily Paterson

Charlie Franks is A-OK

A Coco and Charlie Franks Novel
First published by Cecily Paterson in 2016

Copyright (C) Cecily Paterson, 2018

All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording, scanning, or otherwise without written permission from the publisher. It is illegal to copy this book, post it to a website, or distribute it by any other means without permission.

This novel is entirely a work of fiction. The names, characters and incidents portrayed in it are the work of the author's imagination. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, events or localities is entirely coincidental.

Cecily Paterson asserts the moral right to be identified as the author of this work.

Cecily Paterson has no responsibility for the persistence or accuracy of URLs for external or third-party Internet Websites referred to in this publication and does not guarantee that any content on such Websites is, or will remain, accurate or appropriate.

First edition

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#  Contents

  1. Author's Note
  2. Want a free book?
  3. Chapter 1
  4. Chapter 2
  5. Chapter 3
  6. Chapter 4
  7. Chapter 5
  8. Chapter 6
  9. Chapter 7
  10. Chapter 8
  11. Chapter 9
  12. Chapter 10
  13. Chapter 11
  14. Chapter 12
  15. Chapter 13
  16. Chapter 14
  17. Chapter 15
  18. Chapter 16
  19. Chapter 17
  20. Chapter 18
  21. Chapter 19
  22. Chapter 20
  23. Chapter 21
  24. Chapter 22
  25. Chapter 23
  26. Chapter 24
  27. Chapter 25
  28. Chapter 26
  29. Chapter 27
  30. Also in the Coco and Charlie Franks Series
  31. Acknowledgements
  32. 'Charlie Franks Is A-OK' is in paperback
  33. About the Author
  34. More books by Cecily Anne Paterson
  35. A request from the author... leave a review?

#

_For Abby, who loves horses just about as much as Charlie Franks does._

# Author's Note

This book is set in Australia and uses Aussie words, expressions and spelling. We say 'mum' to rhyme with 'thumb'. Year 9 is the same as Ninth Grade and High School begins in Year 7 and goes all the way through to Year 12. We do maths, not math, and we spell analyse (and a bunch of other words) with an 's', not a 'z'. In fact, lots of our spelling is just slightly different, so don't get worried if it's not what you're used to. Also, just so you know, Aussies love nicknames.

# Want a free book?

See why Cecily Anne Paterson's book _Invisible_ was a semifinalist in the Amazon Breakthrough Novel Awards. Sign up for her newsletter here and grab your free copy.

# 1

# Chapter 1

The best thing in my whole entire life happened on my fourteenth birthday.

One minute, I was ripping open a box with purple wrapping paper, tearing off the bow and getting through the sticky tape to find a shiny, brand new saddle, still with its from-the-shop smell. The next minute, I was looking out the door of our farmhouse to see the most beautiful sight in the world.

It was a horse. And not just any horse. It was Fozzles, my favourite horse in the world. She was all washed and brushed and braided, and walking next to Cupcake, my twin sister Coco's favourite horse. Both of them had gold ribbons around their necks, and were being led up the paddock by Ness, our neighbour, and her kids Tessa and James.

'Are you...?' I swung around to Mum. I meant to say 'Are you serious?' but the words wouldn't come out. I'd learned to ride on Fozzles last year after our family moved here to Budgong from the city, and I'd hardly spent an afternoon off her since then. My greatest dream had always been to have my own horse, and now it was coming true, but all I could do was look at Mum and Dad, kind of frozen, in a good way, until my eyes started hurting. I'd obviously forgotten to blink.

Mum laughed. 'Yes, Charlie. She's yours.'

'And Cupcake is for you,' Dad added to Coco, my twin sister, but I wasn't listening anymore. Instead, I was running, no, flying out the door, jumping the steps and pelting down the paddock towards Fozzles with a smile which felt like it couldn't get any wider.

I slowed down as I got closer to Ness. She and Mum met soon after we moved here, at the Budgong Community Group. They hit it off and kind of went into a riding business together, with help from her kids, Tessa and James, and us, of course. Whenever we help her out with the rides we organise around the property and out on the bush tracks, she's always saying, 'Don't go crazy around horses. They react.'

My feet went back to walking pace but I was still kind of bouncing.

'Happy birthday,' Ness said, as Tessa and James kept going, up to the house. Ness looked amused, like there was something funny about me.

I grinned back. 'Only like the happiest birthday ever. Are you sure I can have her?'

'I needed to sell some horses,' she said. 'And you love Fozzles so much. It would have been wrong to keep her.'

Ness handed me Fozzles' lead rope and kept on going towards the house. I stopped for a moment, hugged the horse around her neck and smelled her mane.

'This is the best day of my life.' I whispered it in her ear and patted her on the nose. 'Seriously. The best.'

Behind me, Coco had gotten to Cupcake, squealing and fussing before Ness shushed her. 'Settle, petal,' she said, but I could hear that she said it with a smile. I turned around to see Coco hug Cupcake. Then she squealed all over again as Mum, Dad, Josh our older brother, Tessa and James (now the new love of Coco's life) spilled out the back door and onto the grass. They all laughed and smiled and congratulated themselves.

'You didn't suspect anything?' Josh called to me. 'That just proves our secret-keeping powers.'

'Proves nothing,' I yelled back. 'Except that if you were in on this, it's a total miracle we didn't find out.'

'I knew,' said Coco, looking smug.

'You did not.' I gave her a grin. 'You're like me. You knew nothing.'

'You're right.' She did a fake pout and made a face at James, who gave her the big, droopy, adoring eyes he'd had on for two months now, ever since she'd run away at midnight, had fallen off her horse, had been rescued by James, had puked on his lap and then had started going out with him.

'He seriously should have told me. He's in big trouble for that.'

She walked quicker, pulling Cupcake after her, heading towards James. 'I can't believe you didn't tell me. That's like, so mean.'

I watched her grin and smile and act all ridiculously flirty with him until the others had reached them, and then there was so much laughing and chatting and, 'Can you believe it?' and, 'Were you really surprised?' that I stopped still and looked at Fozzles.

'Let's get out of here,' I said.

It took me four and a half minutes to tie her to the fence, run back up to the house, grab the new saddle and the rest of the tack and put it on her, and then find a helmet and buckle it under my chin.

I pulled Mum out of the circle of happy people. 'I'm going for a ride,' I said.

She looked at me, boots on my feet and helmet on my head. 'Already?'

'Totally. No time to waste.'

She smiled. 'There's never any stopping you.'

I shrugged and went over to Fozzles, who was waiting patiently at the fence. I put my foot in the stirrup, ready to swing up, but then thought better of it. I pulled it out and ran back to Mum and hugged her. 'Thanks Mum. Thanks so much. And tell Dad thanks too. Apart from moving here,' I gestured around at the farm, 'this is the greatest thing that has ever happened to me.'

She held me close for a second or two. 'I love you, Charlie. You're my best oldest daughter.'

I laughed. I was only older than Coco by one minute and forty-six seconds, but believe me, I'd used every single one of those seconds as leverage throughout my life. 'That's because I'm the only one.'

'Yes, but you know you're special. And I'll always be here for you. You know that, right?' She looked down, into my face. She was still just a bit taller than me, but hopefully not for too long.

'I know, Mum. Because _everything 's A-OK,_ right?' I made a silly face at her and used the phrase she always used to say to me when I was little before she tucked me into bed.

'A-OK,' she said back, also in a silly voice, and made an 'okay' sign with her fingers. Round thumb and first finger, and three happy fingers sticking up.

'And now I'm going. Fozzles and I need to run.'

I swung onto my, _my!_ horse's back and adjusted the reins. 'Trot,' I said, and Fozzles took off into an easy lope down the hill and out through the gate.

'Bye.' Coco's voice reached me on the breeze, but I didn't yell back. She was with James, and anyway, the wind was rushing past my face, and my hands and heart were filled with birthday sunshine and horse love. All I wanted to do was to run and ride, leap and gallop.

We cantered out along the sandy track first and then, as I could feel Fozzles getting tired, slowed down to a gentle walk through the bush and up the rocky path that led to the top of the plateau, out on the south end of the farm. I patted her and talked to her as we went, and from the way she was so willing to do everything I asked, I knew she knew she belonged to me now.

'You're my birthday horse.' I leaned down and whispered it in her ear. 'You're what I've been dreaming of ever since I was four and a half.'

It was true. I'd first discovered horses when I was tiny. It was Mum's fault. She'd taken the three of us to the library near our house in Sydney's eastern suburbs, which was where we lived then, all buildings and cars and traffic lights with crossings -- so different from Budgong's green paddocks and bush views. I remember it was a hot day outside and my nose was wet enough with sweat that I had to keep wiping it off on the back of my hand. The library, with its noisy air-conditioning and cool breezes shooting out of the ceiling, made us feel like we could breathe again.

Mum led us over to the children's section. 'Okay kids, go find something to borrow.'

Josh went off, probably to find his favourite Power Rangers DVDs on the shelf, Coco was entranced with some kind of princess book and I wandered amongst the flower shaped chairs and the elephant tables until Mum called me over.

'Charlie, come and look at this.' She stood next to a clanky red shelf with lots of books on it, all stacked up together, but there was something in her hand. 'Sit with me.'

We squashed into a grey armchair together in the corner and she opened the book flat on her lap.

When I saw what was on the page, my mouth dropped open, and my world changed forever. It was like the pictures of the horses and ponies were alive on the paper. They seemed actually real to me, like they were walking and breathing and making noises. I could almost smell them.

'I had a horse just like this once.' Mum pointed to a picture of one with gold hair and the longest white mane I'd ever seen, apart from on a My Little Pony toy. It had long, pricked up ears and eyes that asked me to pat it.

'Just like that?' I breathed.

'Just like,' said Mum. 'It's a Palomino.'

'What does that mean?'

'It's the colour. That gold colour is palomino. There are also chestnut horses. And black ones that are actually brown. And piebalds.'

'Do they eat pies?'

'No, silly.' She laughed at me and turned the page. 'They're kind of spotty. Like that one.'

I gazed at it, and then I jumped up and ran across to show Coco. 'Look.' I dragged her face towards the picture. 'It's a piebulb.'

Behind me, Mum laughed. 'Isn't it beautiful?'

Coco looked at the horse and then back at me, but blankly, like she had no idea what on earth I was talking about. She picked up her princess book again. 'I'm reading.'

That was the start. I insisted Mum borrow every horse book on the shelf that same day and spent the next fortnight memorising every picture and practicing the word 'piebald'.

'Mum, what's this again?' I asked twenty times a day. I needed to know what a bridle was and what a headstall was, and why that horse had its tail braided but the other one didn't. Dad complained about reading the same horse book to me every night and Coco got mad when I wanted to change all our puppy and kitten games into pony games.

As I got older and learned to read on my own I turned to horse novels. Then it became horse documentaries, horse bed linen and wearing jodhpurs whenever I wasn't either in school uniform or my swimming togs.

I asked for riding lessons when I was nine and was led around Centennial Park on a huge grey mare for an afternoon. I asked for more when I was ten and they sent me off to a place overlooking the sea for three hours on a weekend. I begged and begged for more lessons and more stable time and of course, my very own horse, and Dad rolled his eyes at Mum and said, 'See what you've started?'

'She would have discovered them anyway.' Her face was pinched. 'I don't see why we couldn't--'

'Who's got the time?' he said, his mouth all stiff and his voice tense like it got when he was angry and we three kids knew we should stop asking questions.

Mum breathed in heavily. 'It's always time that seems to be the issue.'

I clenched my thumbs inside my fists under the table when I heard her voice change. It's my nervous habit when I feel scared.

'Maybe if you came home earlier,' said Mum. 'From work, I mean.'

'I know what you mean,' said Dad. 'We all know what you mean.'

I looked over at Coco. She always went sulky in these arguments. Josh looked angry, but me, I just wanted to cry, mostly for Mum. It was always about the same thing: Dad working too much, and us never seeing him, and when were they ever going to do what they'd been talking about for so many years, and move? They always got over it, of course. I mean, eventually, once they'd yelled and Mum had cried and a few doors were slammed. But for a while I stopped asking for riding lessons. It made everything too tense.

What I didn't give up was dreaming of having my own horse. Even before Dad finally had enough of city life and being a banker, and bought the farm and we built our own house out of mud; even before all that crazy, amazing stuff happened, I still held out hope that one day I'd have a horse.

'You're the one, Fozzles.' I laughed out loud. No one was around. It was just me, the flat clearing and my horse. My very own horse.

'Gallop!'

I leant down over her neck and she took off. I stayed on, laughing and whooping and going crazy with joy.

When we reached the lookout I pulled her back. 'Whoa.'

She came to a stop and we waited for a while, looking back over the farm and Ness's place, with the river in the distance.

'You're the best horse ever.' She flicked her tail and caught my leg. 'And we're going to do something totally awesome together.

# 2

# Chapter 2

The day after my birthday, I knew exactly what awesome thing Fozzles and I were going to do.

Mum sent me down to Ness's place to pick up a couple of things for the horses. 'She just rang,' she said. 'She forgot to bring up some brushes and one of the saddle blankets.'

'Can I ride?'

She shrugged. 'Of course.'

The ride to Ness's place takes about fifteen minutes. We've done it practically every day since we first met Tessa and James and started riding in the afternoons with them. It's mostly over paddocks, but there's one bit I love when it's hot, and that's where we have to go through the stream, which is ankle deep.

When Coco and I walk over, we always take our shoes off and go through barefoot, although you've got to watch out for leeches. Once Coco got a leech on her ankle. The whole valley would have heard her screaming and me laughing. I always laugh at Coco when we cross on horseback because Fozzles is really cool about getting her feet wet and will go right in with no hassles, but Cupcake, Coco's horse, is difficult. Sometimes she'll do it, but most of the time Coco has to get off and lead her across.

'Good girl, Fozzles,' I said as she clip-clopped on through the water, splashing my legs a little bit. I reached down to pat her neck. 'You're amazing.'

When we got to Ness's place, I found her and Tessa in the round yard, with Tessa on her horse, Prince, who was all tacked up.

'What are you doing?' I slid off and tethered Fozzles to the fence. 'Practicing for something?'

'Tessa wanted to start practicing for the show this year.' Ness gestured to the middle of the ring where there were some red and white horse jumps made out of poles and rails set up. 'Jumping.'

'Oh.' I climbed up onto the fence and settled in to watch. 'Does she do it every year?'

'Mostly. Since she was about ten.' She watched as Tessa swung Prince around and came in to the rail at a canter. She swerved at the last minute and avoided the jump. 'The lead up was good,' she yelled to Tessa. 'Now you have to jump.'

I wiped the sweat off my nose. 'Why didn't she?'

'She gets nervous. Prince gets nervous too. I might take the jump down a bit.' Ness walked out into the ring and pulled the highest pole off the stand. 'Try that.'

Again, Tessa brought Prince in towards the rail at a canter. I could feel Ness's tension beside me, and as they got close to the jump, both she and I kind of lifted off our seats at the same time, like we were jumping over ourselves.

'Well done,' shouted Ness, and then she looked around at me, flicking a fly from under the brim of her hat. 'Did you just do that?'

'Do what?'

'You anticipated the jump.'

'I guess. I couldn't help it.'

She nodded towards Fozzles. 'Hop on. You should have a go.'

'On the jump? Awesome.'

In three seconds flat I was on the horse and in the ring, and cantering towards the rail.

'Slow it down.' I could hear Ness yelling out from the side. 'You don't know what to do.'

But it was too late. Fozzles was already flying across the jump, mid-air, with me on her back, shocked into silence, even though inside I was squealing. We landed and kept running until I realised what we were doing, so I pulled her in and around to come back to Ness. She and Tessa were standing there with their mouths open.

'Seriously, you just jumped,' said Tessa. 'That was amazing.'

'That was dangerous,' said Ness. 'You should have waited for me. When I said "you should have a go" I didn't mean straight away. There's a lot of learning to do so you don't come off and kill yourself.'

I hung my head to show I was sorry, but I wasn't really. I peeked out at her and smiled.

She gave me what looked like a reluctant, don't-do-that-again, fierce kind of smile. 'Have you ever jumped before?'

I shook my head. 'Nup.' I was still smiling--I couldn't stop--and I could still feel the blood gushing through my arms and legs.

Ness looked at Tessa. 'I think I'll be training the two of you.'

My plans to grab the brushes and saddle blanket and head home disappeared from my brain. Three hours later, after jumping and more jumping; low first, until Ness was satisfied I could control Fozzles (and myself) and then finally, a little bit higher, when my legs and arms and everything was sore and saddle-tired, Mum rang Ness to find out where I was.

'You'll come back tomorrow, yeah?' asked Tessa. 'We'll have to get in as much practice as we can before school starts next week.'

I made a face at her that said 'there is no way you are going to stop me coming back here and jumping over stuff on my horse' and we both laughed until I made another face, this one not so happy. 'School.' Even though I hardly ever get nervous about stuff, there was something about starting a new school in a week's time that was creating a kind of bubble in my stomach. It was weird, and not a feeling I'd had in a long time. 'I wish we were going to the same school,' I said. For some reason Mum and Dad had ended up sending us to the Anglican College in town, not the Catholic school down the road that James and Tessa went to.

Tessa rolled her eyes. 'I know. Parents, right?' She made an effort to look more cheerful. 'But you and Coco will be fine. Everyone in your year will love you.'

I shrugged my shoulders and smiled. 'Nothing to worry about.'

'Exactly.'

Mum was kind of mad about me not coming back straight away. 'You could have at least called.'

It was true, so I felt a bit guilty and apologised. 'Sorry, Mum. I really am.' I meant it, so she didn't stay mad. (She never really does with me, unlike Coco. In fact, she spent pretty much the whole of last year being mad with Coco, but then, everyone else was too, me included, so it wasn't that surprising.) Instead, she served up dinner, and then was nice enough to listen to me talk and talk and talk about show jumping and how awesomely cool it is.

'Did you actually jump over that pole thing in the yard?' Coco couldn't quite believe it. She's a good rider, but she's not what you'd call brave. 'Did you feel like you were going to fall off?'

'It just kind of happened. The first time, at least. And then it was like I had to do more of it. It was amazing.'

Josh shrugged. 'Jumping motorbikes is better.'

Coco took his bait immediately. 'Motorbikes don't love you like horses do.' She never just lets him be. She either bites back or makes a big fuss about deliberately ignoring him, which just makes him tease her even more. I get Josh back by smiling nicely and ignoring him, without all the drama.

'Motorbikes are cool,' I said, and Josh looked first surprised and then pleased.

'You're not jumping your motorbike,' Mum and Dad said in unison, from across the table.

'Let's change the subject,' said Mum.

'Yes,' said Dad. 'Let's talk about the year ahead.' He likes conversations like this, all about plans and dreams and things the family should do together. 'What do you guys want to achieve this year?'

Josh made a face. 'Do jumps on my motorbike.'

Coco twisted her mouth. 'I don't know. Like maybe, just make friends at school.' She shrugged, then looked shy. 'And hang out with James, obv--'

Josh cut in with a 'woo woo' sound and was shushed by Mum who gave him a glare.

'Stuff like that,' Coco finished up. 'Normal kind of stuff.'

The table was silent for a moment and then I opened my mouth. 'I want to do something,' I said. Although it was more like an announcement than just normal words. Mum put her fork down and Dad stopped chewing his mouthful. Coco turned to look at me and even Josh moved his head.

'I want to be a champion show jumper.' It came out of somewhere in my belly. I hadn't actually planned it or thought about it, even though if someone had asked me, I would have known that was what I was thinking. But when I heard the words come out of my mouth, and saw them form shapes above my head, it made it certain.

'I want to do show jumping on Fozzles.' I said it a bit more loudly this time. 'And win.'

Dad swallowed and cleared his throat. 'It's a good thing to want to do something. But you don't necessarily need to win. Maybe just participating is what you're after.' He tilted his head to the side, and seemed a little concerned. 'All the competition we had in the city is what I wanted us to get away from. Being ordinary is okay, you know.'

'He's right,' said Coco, and Josh nearly fell off his chair. Dad and Coco being allies was a new thing. They'd had pretty much a constant stand off for the whole of last year. And for Coco to agree with him about being ordinary, of all things, was obviously a bit too much for Josh to take, because now he was spluttering and choking on his glass of water.

'You okay, Josh?' Mum asked. 'Could you try not to react to your sister that way? She said something sensible and she doesn't need you going crazy about it.'

She went to get him a napkin to cough into and the conversation changed and didn't come back to me for the rest of the meal.

But I'd said it and I knew it was true. I wanted to jump. I wanted to do show jumping and win. It was a bigger buzz than riding, even though that was great too. Plus, I already loved competition; I'd proved that every year at the swimming and sports carnivals. I loved a challenge. Nothing was more of a challenge than learning a new sport and being the best at it. Anyway, it turned out that not only was I a natural, Fozzles was also a natural. And me on Fozzles was a totally ace combination.

'I've seen her jump before,' Ness had said that afternoon, 'but she gives even more with you on her back.'

Maybe Dad didn't understand but I knew Mum would. She 'got' me like no one else in the family did, not even Coco, which is surprising because we're twins and everything.

Everyone thinks we should be exactly the same, but they forget that it's identical twins who are like that. Fraternal twins like us are really just two sisters who happen to have been born on the same day. No one expects two normal sisters to be exactly the same. And Coco and I are really different. She's beautiful and I'm not. She cares about what she wears and I don't. She's hilariously funny when she wants to be, although she doesn't laugh that much herself. I make stupid jokes sometimes but I laugh more often. She makes a fuss and I shrug my shoulders.

Probably the biggest difference between us is that Coco holds back a bit. She's cautious; she watches everything and figures stuff out before she tries it. I jump right in. Last year, when we arrived here, I was on a horse the day after we met Tessa and James. We rode everywhere all year long, while Coco refused to leave her room or even walk down the paddock.

What no one knew was that she'd been watching everyone and getting secret lessons from Ness. The day she turned up riding Cupcake, amazingly cool and awesome, was the day James fell in dreamy-smoochy love with her. Tessa told me that later, and I laughed. I mean, that kind of love at our age? It just shows another difference between Coco and me. She's into that. I'm totally not. I'd rather run a race and win it.

Mum gets me. I think she was probably the same as me when she was a kid because she's often said how much she wasn't like Coco. Mum has her sports trophies in a box in storage, but she doesn't look at them much. She says she'd rather look at mine, and I have a whole heap in my room. Running, swimming, cross country, even gymnastics for a bit. I've done lots of stuff, and Mum's always taken me and she's been there for all my competitions, clapping on the sidelines. So I wasn't worried. Dad might not understand me wanting to win at show jumping, but Mum did.

After we'd cleaned up from dinner and I'd swept the floor, I'd had enough of listening to Josh and Coco bicker over the dirty dishes. I made Mum a cup of coffee, just the way she likes it, and took it out to her on the grass. The sun was finally going down; there was a pink and grey haze hanging in the air, and I could feel some cool currents sneaking up from the river. I sat down next to Mum and wiped my perspiring nose.

'This will be the last week we'll have to sit on the grass,' she said. 'Dad should have finished the deck in a few days.'

'It's going to make the house perfect. I still can't believe we live here. And we built the house ourselves.'

'I know. Crazy.' She laughed and sipped her coffee.

'I'm going to miss not being at home when school starts,' I said. 'It's so beautiful.'

'It'll be different for you.' Mum put her hand on my back. 'School is different from home schooling. It'll probably be a shock to go back, even though we only home schooled for a year.'

'I'll miss being with you the most.' I smiled at her.

She smiled back and blew a kiss at me. 'I guess you could stay home, if you really wanted to.'

'No,' I said. It was decisive and strong. 'There's a show jumping Inter-schools competition I want to go in. And after that, there's State level. Maybe even Nationals. I looked it up. And I want to win it.'

Mum raised her eyebrows. 'School it is, then. Are you nervous?'

I ignored the bubble in my stomach. 'Nah. School's easy. No problem at all.'

'Well, I'll take you to all the equestrian competitions.' She sipped her coffee. 'Same as I always have.'

'Aw, you're so nice.'

'We'll do it together. I'll cheer you on all the way.'

# 3

# Chapter 3

The sun woke me up on the first morning of school. I bounced out of bed, ready to go and jump on Coco and annoy her, but she was already awake, dressed and staring at herself in the mirror with her hand up to her hair, holding it all at the back of her head.

'Ponytail?' she asked, then let some of the hair go. 'Or maybe like a half ponytail, so it's kind of up but not all the way up.'

I rubbed my eyes. 'Why yes, good morning, Charlie. How are you? Are you well? How'd you sleep?' I smiled. 'Are you nervous about school?'

She rolled her eyes, but in a nice way. 'Whatever. I think I'm going with it half up. Or maybe not. Maybe a messy bun?'

I stuck out my tongue at her and made a quick exit, down the hall and out to the kitchen, where Mum was already up and making lunches for us.

'I didn't miss making these last year.' She smiled at me. 'Chicken salad sandwich for you?'

I gave her a hug.

'You nervous?' She kissed my head.

I shrugged. 'A little, I guess. But it can't be that bad, right?'

'I'm sure it will be fine.' She threw me a box of cereal. 'Eat. And then get dressed. You have to make sure you get up to the bus stop on time.'

I ate, then I pulled on the clothes Mum had bought for us the week before when they'd finally decided which school to send us to--white uniform shirt, checked uniform skirt, white socks and black shoes.

I was just about ready to go when Coco saw me. 'You're kidding, right?' She had that 'I'm-going-to-fix-everything' look on her face. 'You're wearing it like that?' She put a lot of emphasis on the 'that'.

I threw my backpack on the ground and stepped into the hallway with my hands up and away from my body. 'I have no idea what I've done wrong, but you obviously want to change it, so go ahead.'

She moved next to me, pulling at the waist of my blouse, bending over to adjust my socks and then tugging at my skirt.

'You're making it shorter.' I tried to slap her away.

'Yeah. Like, durr.'

'But it's the right length.'

She gave me a stare. 'It is _so_ not the right length.' She tugged at it again and folded something over at my waist. ' _Now_ it's the right length.'

Without a mirror in front of me, I couldn't see the difference, so I just shrugged and let it be. Coco was going to have her way, no matter what I said, and it was no skin off my nose if she wanted me to wear my uniforms tweaked in her particular Coco way. I honestly could never tell the difference between the way I put my clothes on and how she did it, but I figured if it was important to her and kept her happy, I'd let her dress me.

She peered in at my face. 'Makeup?'

'No.' I hadn't even thought of that. Obviously Coco had; her face was covered in a paste of something close to skin colour and her eyelashes looked like they'd been dipped in a bucket of tar.

'Not even a little? Primer?'

'Is that paint?' I was just teasing. I knew what primer was; Coco had insisted on giving me makeup lessons so many times I was at least familiar with the concept of primer. I also knew what an eyelash curler was. I wasn't going to use either a curler or primer, though. In fact, the only way makeup ever got on my face was if Coco put it there.

'I'd better not die before you get married,' she'd said once. 'You'd turn up to your wedding day in jeans and a scummy old t-shirt if you had your way. At least if I'm there you won't embarrass yourself.'

'Yeah, yeah. Whatever,' I'd said, and she'd made annoyed eyes at me.

'Can't I just get some mascara?' she said now, still looking at my face.

Dad interrupted. 'No time, Coco. We've got to get to the bus.'

Getting to the bus meant all of us getting into our massive four wheel drive, going along two kilometres of bumpy, unsealed road, through three different farm gates and then going up the hill on the twenty minute trek of the 'driveway-that-isn't-a-driveway', as Coco calls it. It's a dirt track that winds up around our mountain, past caves and cliffs and over rocks, until finally you get out onto the main road.

The first time we ever visited the farm, after Dad bought it as a surprise, we turned off the main road and just about fell out of the car. 'It's a bit of a steep driveway,' Dad had said, but he didn't tell us it was practically vertical, with potholes and rocks and logs to get over, all the way down.

I'd laughed and hooted with Josh because of the adrenaline, but Coco (being Coco) had screamed and cried and protested, which had just made Josh and me laugh even harder.

'So we have to do this every day?' asked Coco. 'Even if it's raining?'

Dad scoffed. In one year he'd turned from a suit and tie wearing city finance guy who wouldn't have known one end of a shovel from the other, into a flannel-shirted and Akubra-hatted farmer who feels better the dirtier he is. 'Rain? Ha! A little bit isn't going to hurt you. That's why we have this car.'

Coco narrowed her eyes. 'What if it's pouring? For three straight days? Or what if there's like the biggest storm in the entire country? Are we going to have to go to school then?'

'The biggest storm in the entire country?' said Josh. He raised his eyebrows. 'Yeah, right.'

'Look,' said Dad. 'If the road gets blocked off with a landslide or a waterfall or something, obviously we won't be able to get through. But it would have to be a lot of rain. You're going to go to school, okay?'

I grabbed Coco's hand and gave it a squeeze. I know when she gets nervous; she gets cranky and fusses around. She was definitely nervous that morning, with the prospect of new kids and making friends and all that stuff she really cares about.

'It'll be cool,' I whispered to her. 'We'll be fine.'

And it was. We got on the bus, we got to school, we found the teacher waiting for us, as Mum had already arranged. Josh was taken to his year group and Coco and I were introduced to some girls who'd been given the job of looking after the new kids.

'Hi, I'm Matilda,' said one of them, and introduced her friends, Sarah, Jemima and Baylor. Coco's face lit up immediately and her shoulders seemed to relax. I looked at the girls, then I realised why. They all had the same hairstyle as Coco, who in the end, had gone with what I would have called 'no hairstyle at all', just her hair long down by the side of her face, but really, really straight. Their faces also looked like Coco's; makeup stuff all over their cheeks and sooty eyelashes that a chimney sweep would be proud of.

Before I even knew what was going on, they started gushing at her. 'Hi! How are you? Oh, we're so glad you're, _you know_ , nice. We were told we'd have to look after the new girls, and you just never know what to expect, right?'

'Aw, that's sweet,' said Coco, and she got all gushy as well. 'I _love_ your hair,' she said to Matilda, or was it Sarah? I couldn't really tell them apart. 'The highlights are so great.' Then they grabbed her arm and were all crowding around her so that I had to follow along in their path as they led us over to the year nine homeroom.

'It's okay,' announced Matilda as we went inside. 'The twins are here, and they're awesome.'

A group of maybe twenty kids looked up at us and I suddenly felt totally weird. Almost like I'd forgotten to wear my skirt or something, or I'd turned up in my pyjamas. Coco, on the other hand, looked like she was utterly happy. She was chatting and laughing and waving her hands around like she was telling the most interesting stories in the world, and everyone was listening to her and looking at her and laughing at her jokes.

I looked around me for help but there was none to be found. For the first time in my life, I felt like an outsider. Where were the girls who looked like me--normal? In year seven in Sydney, there had been quite a few. Had I missed some memo about what girls had to become in year eight? How had every girl turned into a fashion model in the short year we'd been home-schooled? No one was looking at me. No one even asked me a question. It was all 'Coco, Coco, Coco.'

When we went to class, I felt better. I'm good at schoolwork, although obviously I'd prefer sport. But at recess, Coco grabbed my arm and pulled me along with her new friends.

'Try harder,' she hissed in my ear. 'You've got to talk more. What's going on with you?'

I shrugged. 'I don't know. Is there a game of soccer or something I can play?'

'In that?' Coco pointed to my skirt and looked a little scandalised.

'I don't care,' I said, but she wasn't listening.

'So, what do you guys like to do?' she asked Matilda. 'What are you into?'

'Dance, mostly,' shrugged Jemima. 'And just hanging out.'

'Do you play sport?' I asked, doing what Coco told me to do. _Try harder._ Usually conversation wasn't a problem for me but this just felt weird.

Matilda made a face. 'No. Do you?'

Coco came to my rescue. 'Charlie's a really good runner. Especially cross country.'

Sarah's eyes got big. 'I hate cross country. I'm so bad at it. I never actually even finish the race.'

'Yeah, me too,' said Baylor. She sat up straighter and kind of tossed her hair. 'If you're going to do sport, you should ride a horse. It's so good for you.'

My heart bounced in my chest. At last, someone I could understand. I gave Baylor a big grin. 'I ride. I love it! Even though I only started last year, really. I mean, I've loved horses since forever, but I never had a chance to ride them.'

Baylor smiled and lifted her chin. 'I've been riding since I was four.' She looked down at her shoulder like she was waiting for someone else to say something.

'Baylor won show jumping at the Inter-schools comp last year,' said Matilda. 'And she got selected for the Royals.' She sounded proud, but my face must have looked confused because she quickly explained. 'The Royal Easter Shows. _You_ know.'

'That's really great.' I was impressed. 'Wow. You must be good.'

Baylor made a face that tried to say 'oh, it's not that important' but I could tell she was actually really pleased with herself.

'I'm hoping to compete this year,' I told her. 'Maybe I can get some tips off you.'

Baylor smiled. 'Of course I'll give you tips. Always happy to help someone who's just starting out.'

I smiled back and the bubble in my stomach that had been getting bigger and bigger all morning finally started to deflate. Maybe school would be alright. No one was playing sport but at least I could talk to Baylor about horses. Maybe one day we could even ride together.

# 4

# Chapter 4

Ness said that the first thing to do if I wanted to compete in show jumping was to get myself to pony club. So she and Mum took Tessa and me over to Kangaroo Valley the first Sunday after school started. It was an early start; we had to catch Fozzles, groom her and gather her stuff and then get her into Ness's double horse float with Tessa's horse, Prince, before we drove over the mountain and into the little town of Kangaroo Valley to their pony club grounds, all green and gorgeous, looking out to the escarpment in the distance.

Ness's four wheel drive was as filthy as ours and every car I'd ever seen in Budgong. Apparently, we weren't the only people in the area with a dirt driveway. 'Look, Tessa,' I said, pointing to the window. I'd written with my finger, 'clean this car'.

'Ha ha,' she said. 'Don't write that. It's my job to wash the car with James and I don't want to do it all on my own while he's off with Coco. I'd rather ride.'

'Me too. Who cares about a clean car anyway? Not when you can be on a horse.'

We tacked up and I swung my new birthday saddle over Fozzles' back. 'Come on, girl.' I gave her a rub. She smelt so horsey and gorgeous I snuggled up for a quick hug. 'Time to do up the girth.'

I reached under her belly for the other end of the belt and pulled it through the buckle. Almost the first thing Ness ever taught us about saddling up a horse is that they hate having the girth done up. Most horses will take a big breath in and hold it as long as they can, in the hope that you'll do up the girth while their chests are all puffed out. Then, when you've walked away, they can let out their breath and the saddle won't be as tight. I got tricked once, but luckily Ness was checking. She made me stop and do it up again so I wouldn't fall off because of a loose saddle.

'Let go,' I said to Fozzles, who seemed to be taking an even bigger breath than usual, her belly was so big. 'Just relax. I'm not going to hurt you, silly old thing.'

I waited for her to breathe out so I could pull the belt tighter, but it didn't seem to go down at all. After a long time, I did up the belt as best I could and went to find Ness. 'The first time I put the saddle on, it did up on the third hole, but now it seems to be back to the second hole. I can't get it any tighter.'

Ness had a fiddle and a tug and pulled the girth as hard as she could but she couldn't get it back to the third hole. 'Strange,' she said. 'Maybe she's put on some weight. You haven't ridden her as much since you started school, and she's been grazing all day.' She made a face like, 'oh well'. 'You'll be fine,' she said, and walked off to talk to the pony club woman.

Mum came over. She seemed hot and a little pale. 'Everything okay? Are you all set? I'll take my chair over to the shelter and watch you from there.'

'Awesome. I'm so excited.'

'Can I clap if you do a good jump?'

'Of course!' I gave her a hug. 'I love it when you watch my stuff.'

' _When_ I watch your stuff?' said Mum, in mock horror. 'I always watch your stuff.'

'I know you do.' I kissed her on the cheek. 'Go and sit down. You look like you need a drink.'

The pony club woman called everyone in and explained how the jumps were arranged, so Tessa and I led the horses onto the paddock.

'You're new, Charlie,' said the woman, 'so take it easy. Don't do more than you think you can do confidently, okay?'

I nodded. She gave more instructions and then we were on our horses, trotting, cantering and turning, doing all the things that Ness had taught me since we moved to Budgong. It was hot, but I was in heaven, even with the sweat running down my nose and into my eyes. Fozzles was perfect, and the two of us worked amazingly together.

When we started jumping, Ness called me aside. 'I've said to her that you've done a few jumps under my instruction. If you feel confident, you should try a few more. You'll know if you can do it. Just take it steady. Remember--be consistent. You've got to think it through, and prepare Fozzles for where you want to go. Chin up, look ahead, heels down, remember timing and--'

I grinned at her. 'Yeah, I know. Impulsion and direction.'

She raised her eyebrows at me. 'Exactly. Impulsion and direction.' I nodded and turned to go, but she was still calling after me. 'Don't rush! Stay calm. In control.'

The first jump felt a bit wobbly. Ness called me over and said I'd taken the approach wrong, so I adjusted it for the second one and came in feeling much better. Fozzles obviously felt better about it too because we sailed over it easily. I heard Mum clapping from the shelter area and turned to smile at her.

'That was good, Charlie,' said Ness, back at the fence. 'Next I want you to head for the big log.'

I looked over to where she was pointing. It was a log, probably pulled in on a trailer from someone's farm, but a perfect height and size for jumping.

'You can do it, girl,' I whispered, and brought her in for the approach. Again, we sailed over, flying like you only do in your dreams.

After about four goes over the log the pony club lady called me over. 'You're doing very well, Charlie. I think you could try the bigger jump if you feel up for it. I know it's scary, but I think you might be able to do it.'

I looked to where she was pointing. It was a jump that would have come up to my hip probably, set up for the kids who'd been there for years and who competed every year at the show. From the way she was talking, I could tell she thought I'd be nervous, thinking about it.

But I wasn't and I didn't waste time worrying about whether I should be or not. Instead, I made sure no one else was jumping, then squeezed Fozzles into a steady canter, heading straight for the centre of the jump. Out of the corner of my eye I could see a vehicle pulling a massive horse float drive down towards the grounds, but there was no time to focus on that. Instead, I focused on Fozzles, riding with her towards the red and white poles, controlled and steady, and feeling her rhythm through my seat. I balanced in the two point position, heels down and eyes up, and then we jumped together, and we were flying and I was whooping inside. I knew she was happy as well, because jumping set us totally free for those few seconds and it was wonderful.

We landed and kept running, and I was still yelling 'yeah!' in my head and Fozzles was snorting hot breaths out of her nose, and I'd never felt so alive and excited. We came to a stop and turned around to see every single eye on us, including Ness and Tessa, and Mum, of course, and the pony club lady too. But also, there in front of me, with an undiscernible look on her face and with a huge black horse on a lead rope, was the girl I'd met at school.

It was Baylor.

'Hey,' I said, panting and sweaty, riding up to her. 'I didn't know you came to this pony club.' I swung off Fozzles and landed bumpily on my feet. 'That's really cool. What's your horse's name?'

She looked confused, like she didn't really know who I was. Her eyes were narrow and she was sort of pulling her chin into her neck.

'It's Charlie,' I said, trying to be helpful. 'The new girl from school.'

'Yeah, I know.' She shook her head and came to life a little. 'Charlie. But didn't you say you'd only just started riding?'

I smiled. 'I guess. But it's been a whole year now. So not really.'

She pulled her horse in closer to her. 'This is my horse. He's a Warmblood.'

I turned my head to look at him. He was one of the most beautiful horses I'd ever seen; over sixteen hands high and so glossy he looked like he'd been wrapped in plastic. His looks matched the float he'd arrived in; it was enormous and painted in shiny black paint with red trimmings. The car pulling it was also black, and there was no way I could have written in the dust on the window with my finger, because there was not one speck of dirt on it.

'He's beautiful. And so's the float. What's his name?'

'Napoleon.' I looked back at the float. Something had caught my eye. It was the word 'Napoleon' written on it in swirly red and gold calligraphy. I raised my eyebrows to say 'wow'.

Baylor still looked stiff and unsure, so I tried to get her to relax. 'Hey, are you going to get ready? I'd love to see you jump.'

She bit her lip and tossed her head back. 'Yeah.'

'Awesome. I'll do another jump and then I'll come back when you're sorted.'

Baylor took a step towards the spotless boot of her spotless car and pulled out the shiniest looking tack I'd ever seen. I nodded at her and rode off for another jump, stopping by the shelter area where Mum was still sitting. 'You okay? You're still pale.'

'I'm alright. Who was that you were talking to?'

'A girl from school. Baylor. She's like, the champion for show jumping apparently. Which is so cool.'

'Competition,' said Mum, raising her eyebrows in a half jokey way. 'You'll have to watch out.'

I made a face at her. 'As if. Anyway, it's fun. Competition is awesome when you've got someone who's as good as you are. But she's probably better than me. She definitely is, if she's been to State.'

'Even better,' said Mum. 'You'll have someone to beat.'

I grinned. I'd had a friend in year five, Jessica, who was also a good runner and crazy, like me, for competing. We were first and second, and then second and first, and first and second again, until one year, when a freakishly fast kid turned up out of nowhere and beat the pants off both of us, leaving us at second and third. In year seven, I'd been with a group of kids who were all competitive, but in different areas, so we cheered each other on in our different events. Winning was fun, and winning and competing with friends was even better.

'Yeah, I'll definitely have someone to beat.'

# 5

# Chapter 5

School had improved from the first day's weirdness. There were still no girls who wanted to play soccer with me, so I'd dribbled the ball a couple of times with some of the boys from my year, but for some reason no one wanted to pass to me. Maybe I'd lost my skills in the time we'd spent at home, or maybe they didn't know I could actually play, so they didn't even bother trying to share the ball around.

I got a little frustrated after the fourth time of running up and down the oval yelling, 'Over here! I'm free!' and went to sit back with the girls.

Plus, Coco was right. It was hard to play in a skirt.

The girls weren't so bad, once I got used to all the hair flicking and tossing and worked out how to tune out the uninteresting stuff they talked about. Mostly, I tried to talk to Baylor about horses and jumping. Sometimes that seemed to work, other times she got snippy and a bit rude. I put it down to her having a bad day, shrugged it off and moved on. It would have been better if Tessa had been around, but she and James were across town at the other school, so we mostly ended up seeing each other in the afternoons when we trained for show jumping. Then we pretty much did a swap--James hung out with Coco at our place, and I hung out with Tessa at hers.

'Tuck your knees in, Tessa,' said Ness one afternoon at training. She was perched up on the fence of the round yard. 'Charlie, eyes up. Look ahead. Don't look down at the jump. That's it.'

I pulled Fozzles up and turned her towards Ness. 'How high is that?'

'Eighty centimetres,' she said. 'You're going over it well, but you need to speed up a bit. More impulsion. You'll lose points in competition.'

'Only eighty centimetres? Can we put it up? Can I jump a metre?'

She tilted her head. 'First show me you can keep your centre of balance without moving your lower legs as she jumps. Don't bring your hips forward. Then I'll put it up.'

'Okay.' I brought Fozzles around and headed back out into the yard. As we approached the jump, I centred my balance and concentrated hard on not moving the lower part of my legs, urging Fozzles on. 'Come on, we can do this together.' Fozzles came up to meet me, went over the jump and landed us on the other side, to the applause of Ness.

'That was better.' She hopped off the fence and walked out to the jump. 'I'll put it up.'

'I'm not trying that,' said Tessa. 'Prince clipped it at eighty.'

'Go on,' I urged her. 'It'll be fine. Just give it a go.'

She shook her head and turned Prince around to the gate. 'I'm done. He's tired and I need something to eat. I'll try it next time.'

Ness let her out of the gate and then turned back to me. 'So, superstar. Jump a metre. Just remember everything I've told you, and control, control, control. See what you can do.'

I grinned at her, then leaned down to Fozzles. 'You and me, lovely horse. Let's go.'

I applied pressure and she started out into the yard, cantering steadily, focused and willing as we approached the jump. My heart was beating, but I centred my seat, focused ahead and encouraged Fozzles on, and then we were flying over the jump, all one hundred centimetres of it, dancing in the air until we landed with a thump and a clatter of hooves.

Ness clapped. 'Not too shabby. Not bad at all.' She walked out to the middle of the arena to see me. 'Good girl. You just got in there and did it. I think you'll have a chance for a ribbon at the show if you can focus as well as that.'

I smiled a big wide smile. 'I love this.' I swung off and dismounted. 'And I love Fozzles. She just knows exactly what to do.'

'She's a good girl,' said Ness. She went up and gave Fozzles a stroke on her nose. 'Yes, you're a good and clever girl,' she said in the voice she always used to say nice things to the horses. 'She is getting a bit fat though,' she said, stepping back and taking a look at her middle. 'What's she eating up at your place? Custard and cream?'

I shrugged. 'Just the same feed she had when she lived down here in the paddock. I give her the same amount every morning, like you showed us.'

Ness made a question face, and was quiet for a minute. 'Who has she been paddocked with?' she said. 'There was Gingerbread, I know. And for a while, in the next paddock there was Molly and her foal, George Michael. But I made sure they were kept away from the mares.'

I made a frowny face, not understanding. Why did it matter who she was paddocked with? 'Should I feed her less? Is she too fat?'

Ness put her head to one side. 'No. I'll just change the feed for a bit and see if that makes a difference. I'll bring it up for you tomorrow.' She went to leave the round yard, but turned back to me. 'Oh, and well done. You're doing great. I can't wait to see you in competition. You and Fozzles make a great team.'

I felt happy riding home. Fozzles splashed across the stream as usual, not putting a foot wrong. 'Good girl,' I told her and leaned down to give her a pat. 'You're awesome.'

I untacked her in the shed, gave her a brush and a carrot and turned her out into the paddock with Cupcake. 'Night, beautiful,' I said, and she flared her nostrils at me.

'Guess what I jumped?' I sang out as I ran up the steps and in through the door. 'You're never going to believe it.' I stopped and waited for someone, anyone, to answer me, but everything was quiet.

'Hello?' I called out and stepped into the hall. There was definitely noise in the kitchen, but nothing anywhere else. I put my head around Mum and Dad's bedroom door. 'Anyone here?'

'Is that you, Charlie?' Mum's voice wafted weakly from the bed. 'I don't feel so well. Dad said he'd cook.'

I found Coco in her room, sitting at her desk with her head down at her books, and then moved on to the kitchen, where Dad was stumbling around, clacking pans and doing _something_ with eggs, bacon and zucchini, although I'm not sure he or anyone else, could have told you what it was. Josh was nowhere to be seen and I was pretty sure Coco was only doing her homework on the pretence of staying out of the mess.

'Do you need some help?' I looked around at the kitchen disaster he'd managed to create. 'What is it?'

'Maybe you can take something to your mother.' He seemed stressed. There was definitely something on his mind. 'Some toast. And a drink.'

'Can she eat? What's she got? Is it like a vomiting bug?'

He mumbled something unclear and kept on with his chopping. I wasn't going to get an answer out of him, so I put bread in the toaster and pulled out the butter.

'Oh, no. She can't have butter. Just plain toast,' said Dad.

I shrugged and put the butter back. Plain toast was boring, but if that's what Mum wanted, that's what she'd get. I boiled the kettle, put some coffee in a cup and added milk and sugar just the way she liked it. If I couldn't help Dad, at least I knew how Mum enjoyed her coffee.

'I've brought you this,' I said, a few minutes later, pushing her door open and backing in with the tray in my hands. 'It's toast and...' I turned around with a smile on my face that turned into horror when I saw Mum's face. She'd gone from white to green in about a quarter of a second, and was now leaning over the side of the bed, vomiting onto the floor.

'Eeewww,' I said. I brought the tray down onto the bed so I could help Mum but she scooched up right away from me.

'Is that coffee?' she said, with what looked like actual fear in her eyes.

'Um, yeah?' I was confused. I'd been taking Mum coffee since I was four and a half years old and I'd never seen this reaction before.

'Get it out of here!' She was almost screaming, she was so fierce.

'What?' My head was spinning. This was not my mother.

'The coffee. It has to go!' She was yelling now, although it was in a really weak, pathetic way. 'Get it out.'

I made a weird face, picked up the tray and backed myself out of the door, totally confused.

'What is with Mum?' I said to Dad, plonking down the tray in the middle of his mess, not caring. 'I made her a coffee and she just went off. Like, nutso crackers.'

'You made her a coffee?' he said. His voice went up on the end and got louder, like I'd done something wrong.

'Yeah.' I shrugged my shoulders. 'You said take her a drink, so I made her a coffee. I did it the usual way, nothing different. So I don't know what's so weird about it.'

'She can't drink coffee.' He looked at me like I was stupid. 'She'll get sick if she drinks coffee.'

'Do you mean "get sick" like vomit?'

'Yes,' he said, again like I was the dumbest person in the world. 'I mean, "get sick" like vomit.'

'Well, she's already done that. She threw up on the floor just now.'

Dad rolled his eyes and made a face at me like 'you should have known better', and stomped out down to his and Mum's room.

Coco crept into the kitchen, throwing worried glances down the hallway. 'What is going on?' she whispered. 'Dad's gone crazy again. I asked what was wrong with Mum and he almost yelled at me so I said I had heaps of homework, but I've actually just been hiding in my room.'

'I know, right? Like, how many times have I made Mum a coffee and now it's like some kind of evil deed I've done. Where's Josh?'

'Yelled at. Went down the paddock.'

'We should get him back in. Figure out what's going on. And make some dinner ourselves. Look what kind of debacle Dad's getting into here.' I swept my hand around the kitchen in despair. Dad had never been a good cook but this was getting into dark territory.

'I'll go. You cook,' said Coco, and she disappeared out the door. I took in a deep breath, let it out again, and then set to work, clearing up egg shells and zucchini ends and trying to get the mush Dad had created to form a batter that might actually cook up into a weird type of pancake, but I hardly had any time to get a result, because Dad came stomping down the hall again.

'Where are the others?' he asked, looking around.

'Outside. Coming in.' I didn't want to look up in case I got into trouble again.

'Well, as soon as they do, come into our bedroom. We all need to talk.'

He stomped out and I waited until Coco and Josh peeked around the door. 'All clear?' said Coco.

'Not even. The Family is Talking.' I made quote marks with my fingers.

'Serious?' said Josh. 'Again?' He made a face.

'Yes, in their room.' I led the way down the hall, through the door, and into their room, where we stood around the bed. Mum lay there, white again, and tired looking, and with some weird kind of smile on her face. Dad also looked like he was trying to be happy, although it seemed manic underneath.

'Kids,' Dad said. 'We have some news.'

'Big news,' whispered Mum from the bed.

Dad swallowed. 'We're having another baby.'

Mum said, 'I'm pregnant.'

# 6

# Chapter 6

'I'm pregnant,' Mum said, and my entire world tripped over its shoelaces.

There was a pause. No one really knew what to say. I looked at Coco and saw her kind of dry retch into her mouth. Josh's eyebrows were up, but not too far, like he wasn't that surprised, or maybe he was too cool and laid back to get surprised about anything.

Dad's smile was stretched out into a forced grin, Cheshire cat style, still with the manic undertones, and Mum looked white and worried, but was obviously trying to put on a happy face.

Coco found her words first. 'You're having, like, an actual baby?' Her shoulders heaved once more. 'But you're...' She looked around in despair, like she was trying to find a nice way to say it. 'You're _old_.'

Mum shrugged like, _I know, right?_ 'Apparently you can still get pregnant at forty-seven,' she said, panting as though the effort of talking was just too much for her.

'I can't even...' said Coco. She shook her head and turned away with the face she reserves for moments of supreme embarrassment.

'Boy or girl?' asked Josh. 'Seriously, if you can sort out a boy, that would be cool.'

Dad shook his head. 'It's too early to tell, Josh. That's weeks away.'

Coco must have recovered from her mortification because she came back to sit next to Mum. 'Are you actually going to have a baby? Like, a cute little actual baby?'

Mum nodded, and a tear rolled down her face.

'Awww,' said Coco, and she hugged her. 'It's embarrassing, yeah, especially for us, but for you, I guess it's cool. Why are you sad? It'll be my little sister and I'll dress her, and show her how to do her hair, and everything.'

'I'm not sad,' said Mum, weakly. 'I'm...' She shook her head and started crying again. 'I don't know what I am.'

Josh raised his eyebrows again and made a face at Dad, who kind of shrugged and nodded back to him. Sometimes they did this when Coco or Mum started crying in a movie, or if I got all 'coochie-coo' about small, furry animals. I think they were saying, 'Huh! Girls!' to each other, but I couldn't be sure.

'I always wanted to have another baby,' said Mum. The tears were really starting to roll down now. She wiped them away. 'Obviously, not at forty-seven, though.' Then her face turned green. 'David!'

Dad grabbed a bowl that was sitting by the side of the bed and handed it to her, and I saw my mum vomit brown and green bile.

Coco jumped away. She bit her lip. 'I'll go and get you a towel.' She rushed out to the linen cupboard.

'Your mother's sick,' said Dad. 'We can talk more about everything out in the lounge room. Come on, she needs to rest.' He took the bowl from Mum and wiped her forehead with a washcloth, which was by the side of the bed. They must have already needed it. 'Just lay down,' he said to her. 'I'll bring you a drink.'

He hustled me and Josh out of the bedroom, and my feet turned obediently and took steps into the hallway, but it felt like every other part of my body was on autopilot. I had no thoughts and no emotions. The only thing I was aware of was the fact that my eyes and my mouth were still open wide with shock. I moved my jaw around to see if it was going to be locked open for a while, but it seemed to work, so I jiggled it and then closed it. My nose was itchy, so I scratched it, then I moved into the kitchen where I just stared wildly at Dad's mess of dinner half-preparation, not knowing what to do.

'We'd better eat,' said Dad. He looked around at his chaos and made a face at me. 'What do you think?'

_What do I think?_

_What do_ I _think?_

_When my mum is sick in bed like I 've never seen her, crying because she's shocked and worried and who knows what else, all because of another baby, a kid that no one wants and no one needs, and no one even knows yet? _

_What do I think? When she 's promised to come to all my show jumping events, but she can't even have a conversation without throwing up? _

_When Coco 's going all gaga about dressing up a baby sister and Josh is happy (for him, anyway) and Dad is manic and crazy, maybe even happy, from the look on his face, and I feel like something must be wrong with me because I think it's the worst, most stupid news in the world, not to mention the most ridiculous thing my parents have ever done?_

I answered, 'We should do pancakes.'

We made (actually, _I_ made) pancakes. Dad watched on and flapped around, trying to clean things up but not doing very well. I made the batter, put on the pan, poured in the circles and flipped them, then I got all the pancake toppings out of the cupboard and put them on the table, and put the plates and the knives and forks out, and got everyone (except Mum) to come and eat it.

'Yum,' said Coco. 'Delish.' She squeezed a lemon, sprinkled her pancake delicately with sugar and took a bite. 'Dad, you have to tell us everything.' She stopped for a second and thought. I saw a slight shudder of shame go through her. 'Well, maybe not everything. But all the things about the baby. Like, when will it be born? Will we know if it's a girl or boy before?'

'We think late October,' said Dad. 'But we're not really sure, because Mum's dates have been all over the place.'

I watched Coco digest that little bit of too-much-information and whisk past it, moving on brightly. 'Where will it sleep? Will we have to share rooms? Can I babysit it? Will you name it after me? Can I take it to school sometimes? And we definitely have to make it a girl, okay?'

Josh slurped his maple syrup. 'Mum's too old. And why's she sick?'

'Most people are too old at forty-seven,' said Dad, 'but the doctor said that sometimes these late pregnancies can happen out of the blue. And she's sick because she's pregnant. It's normal.'

'Normal?' I put down my fork. 'None of this is normal. How long will she be sick for? A week?'

Dad laughed at me. 'A lot longer than a week. About two months at the least, if she's lucky.'

'If she's not?' asked Coco, her eyes big and round.

Dad shrugged. 'When she was pregnant with you two, she was sick for eight months.'

_Eight months!_ My head spun and my stomach dropped like it did that time we went on the roller coaster at Dreamworld, except then I liked the feeling. Now it just felt empty and wrong.

I breathed in and out, hard, through my nose. I had to ask another question. 'Did she, I mean, did you both, really always want another baby?'

Dad speared his pancake, spread it with jam, and poked it into his mouth. 'Well, I suppose so. I didn't really. I was happy with you three, but Mum would have had another two kids probably, if she'd been able to. She had to have a doctor's help to get pregnant with you, so we didn't keep going. It was too much hassle.' He shook his head. 'Yeah, I guess she did want another one. She cried about it sometimes, when you guys were little.'

My stomach got the roller coaster feeling again and my face went cold. Mum had taken me to all my competitions and had sung silly songs and read me stories and hung out with me, but secretly, she'd always wished she could do that with some other child? Maybe doing stuff with me was her 'second best' option.

I felt dirty. Like everything had been a lie.

'I'll do the dishes,' I said, gathering up Dad's plate from under him just as he put his last bite in his mouth. 'I'll clean up. Don't you worry about it.' I grabbed things off the table and cleared it, my face turned away so no one else could see it. Tidying and wiping and washing and drying gave me something to do. And I need something to do when I feel weird and cold and alone.

Mum was still sick the next day when we were getting ready for school.

'Are you going to say goodbye?' said Dad, as he bustled around, getting us into the car.

'Yeah.' I made movements to go down the hall to Mum's room, but diverted at the last minute and didn't do it. Dad didn't notice, so I got in the car and stared out the window and down the edge of the cliff, all the way up the crazy driveway.

School was even more nuts than usual with Coco going on and on to her friends about how she was getting a new sister and how cute and adorable and totally gorgeous it was going to be, _blah blah blah_ , so I took a walk by myself around the oval to get away from it all.

'Four more hours until I get home and ride Fozzles,' I said to myself. 'Three more hours until I get home and ride Fozzles.' I counted down the hours and minutes until I could throw myself on the bus, then off, then catch a ride with Dad down the driveway again, and back into the house and then, finally, out to my horse... and relative peace.

Time seemed to be wearing concrete boots, but finally we were home. I dumped my bag, grabbed an apple and was just heading out the door, down to the paddock when Dad called out to me.

'Oh, Charlie.' His voice sang out from the lounge room.

'Yeah?'

'Are you going to ride Fozzles?'

'Yeah.'

He stuck his head around the door frame so I could see his face. 'There's a little problem with that.'

I turned around and came back through to the hallway. 'Sorry, what?'

'Yeah. Funny story. In fact, you're not going to believe this. I just laughed and laughed when I heard.'

I said nothing, but made an impatient face, as if to say, 'Enough faffing around. Tell me already.'

'I got a phone call from Ness today,' he said, still chuckling to himself. 'She said you can't ride Fozzles anymore.'

'What? Why? Is she taking her back? Didn't you buy her for my birthday? What's happening?'

'Oh, it's nothing like that. We still own her. In fact, I guess you could say we still own "them".'

Now I was confused. 'What? Fozzles and Cupcake, you mean?'

Dad smiled. 'No. Fozzles and... well, let me tell you.' He stepped out into the hallway with the biggest ' _I 've got a surprise for you that you're going to LOVE_' expression on his face.

'Fozzles is pregnant. She's having a baby.'

# 7

# Chapter 7

Ness understood. She put her arms around me and just let me cry. I was dirty, hot and sweaty from running through the paddocks and over the creek and down through the bush to her place, as hard and as fast as I could. Fozzles was already down there; Dad told me that Ness had come up to get her during the day for the vet to do the test, so I belted down through the scrub to find her and ended up sobbing on Ness's shoulder.

'I don't want her to have a baby,' I gurgled into her shirt sleeve. 'It's not going to work out.'

Ness pulled my shoulders away from her and looked into my face. 'What's not going to work out? Nothing's going to go wrong. You've got a beautiful horse who's going to have a beautiful foal. And it's going to happen in six months' time. She's going to be a wonderful mother and there aren't going to be any hassles with the birth.'

I stopped crying for a second. That wasn't what I'd meant, but now that Ness mentioned that something might go wrong, I felt sick and angry all over again.

'What kinds of things go wrong? When horses have foals, I mean.' I gasped slightly to calm myself down.

Ness walked into the stables. I followed her. There was Fozzles, happy in a stall, with a feedbag in easy reach.

'Well, Fozzles is through one of the dangerous periods. Early on, mares can get an infection that means they lose their foals. But she's about five months on now, so that won't happen.' She gave me a brush and I moved into the stall to work on Fozzles' mane. 'Then sometimes, if a birth goes badly, the foal can die as it's being born. It's not usual, but it happens. We lost a foal three years ago. Had to call the vet during the birth but it was too late.'

My roller coaster tummy was back. 'Is there anything else?'

Ness laughed. 'If you were a horse, you probably wouldn't have made it out of your mother alive. It's pretty common for twin pregnancies to fail.'

'What if Fozzles has twins?' I asked, alarmed. 'How would you know?'

'It's alright. The vet checked. It's just one baby in there.'

I rubbed my hand on Fozzles' belly. It seemed even bigger than yesterday. 'Did you think she was pregnant? Is that why you called the vet?'

'I suspected it a week ago at pony club when you couldn't get the girth done up right. I still can't figure out how it could have happened, though. I mean, Fozzles was in a paddock with mares. There were no males around her at all, except for George Michael, Molly's foal in the next paddock. But he was too young and anyway, I told everyone not to let him in there.'

My eyes opened wide. 'Do you think George Michael...' I couldn't say the words.

'Do you mean, do I think cute little baby George Michael who suddenly grew up is the father?' smiled Ness. 'Maybe. I can't think of any other options. But someone would have had to have not put Fozzles away like they were told for that to happen.'

I turned away, embarrassed. Coco would have been gagging from start to finish in this conversation, thinking about which horse did what to Fozzles. Poor Fozzles nudged me and flicked her tail, so I patted her neck and pulled my fingers through her mane. 'Can I ride her if she's pregnant?' I asked, in a quiet voice.

'You can ride her for another two months but not too hard or fast. Just go gently.'

'What about jumping?' I asked again, even more quietly.

Ness let out a breath. 'Yeah. I'm sorry to say, no jumping. She looks big already, and you ride her pretty hard when you jump.'

I swallowed. There it was. That's what I'd meant when I said it wasn't going to work out. If my world had tripped over its shoelaces when Mum had said she was pregnant, it had landed flat on its face after Ness had spoken.

'Oh.' It was all I could manage. I'm not like Coco. I don't do huge tantrums. I don't make big fusses. Until then, I would have said I couldn't see the point in doing that, but then, nothing had really ever gone wrong. Now it had, I _could_ see the point, but I didn't really know how to do it.

'Oh.' I said it again, but inside I was screaming.

'We can find you another horse to ride,' said Ness. She looked over. Her face seemed concerned. 'You'll still be able to jump. It just won't be on Fozzles.'

_And it won 't be with Mum there, _I thought, but I nodded. 'Okay.'

'We'll figure something out. You'll be fine.'

I wasn't expecting Coco to be as glum and miserable as I was about the news, but I wasn't expecting her to be quite so excited about it either.

'A bay-beeeeee?' she screeched with joy. 'Another one? An actual little baby horse? That's _so_ cute. _So_ adorable. _So_ awesome.' She jumped up and down for pretty much a full minute while I just stood there and looked at her, like _what are you doing?_

Then she stopped. 'But you won't be able to jump her, right?'

I nodded, still glum and miserable.

'How did she, you know...' Coco squirmed and made a face. 'Who's the father?'

I itched my nose. 'Ness can't figure it out. She thinks maybe George Michael, you know, the colt that was in the paddock next to Fozzles. But only if he suddenly got interested...' Coco made another face, 'and if someone put them together.' I shook my head. 'But she can't work out who it would have been.'

'Oh,' said Coco. 'George Michael.' She went quiet and examined her toenails, her hair covering her face. 'But he's only a baby. Even if someone had put Fozzles in with him, nothing could have happened, right?'

' _Was_ only a baby. I guess not so much of a baby.'

Coco looked up at me. 'How _old_ do horses have to be before they can...?' She didn't finish the question before she put her hands over her ears and made a spitting out sound with her tongue. 'Oh, ick. I can't believe I even just said that. Forget it. Forget all of it.'

She looked back at her toes again and then up at me. 'So you're going to need a horse to ride.'

I nodded glumly. 'I know.' I flopped onto her bed, despondent. 'I've only just gotten my own horse and now I can't even jump her.'

That was when my twin sister made an enthusiastic, cheesy, very-un-Coco-like face at me. 'Well, that's easy. You can ride Cupcake.'

I took a breath in and let it out. Cupcake was not my ideal first choice of replacement horse for my perfect-in-every-way Fozzles. She was difficult; she'd almost been sold by Ness before somehow Coco managed to make a connection with her and start to work her in the round yard. I'd ridden her a few times, but I didn't like her, and I could tell she didn't like me. 'She pig-roots. It won't work.'

'She won't,' Coco said. Her head went down again. 'I'll do some work with her. And anyway, she only does it when I'm not around at all. If she knows I'm nearby, she's fine.'

'I guess so,' I said, but I didn't guess it at all. In my head, there was no substitute for Fozzles, and if there was, it certainly wasn't Cupcake. 'But if she only goes okay when you're nearby, that means you'll always have to be nearby. You'll have to come to training with me, and pony club. And you'll have to be there at every competition.' I shrugged my shoulders. 'Mum usually does that stuff. You never want to come. I just can't see it working out.'

Coco bit her lip. 'But you want to do show jumping, don't you? And...' She trailed off and didn't finish her sentence.

I nodded. 'I do. I mean, I _did._ ' My voice faded.

'You can't give up.' She lifted my chin in her hand. 'You look all hopeless and depressed. Not like normal Charlie, my sister who can do everything. You said you're going to be the show jumping champion, so you are. You've never failed at anything yet. You can't start now, just because a horse got pregnant accidentally because someone stuffed up. You can't quit just because your horse is having a baby.'

' _My_ horse is having a baby.' I still couldn't believe it. And then a thought hit me. 'Do you think that means the baby is mine too?'

Coco stared at me like I was stupid. 'Yeah, of course.'

I pictured it in my head for a moment--Fozzles, me and the baby-foal-to-be. 'We'll be like a little family.' My roller-coaster-dropping tummy feeling turned into the sort of warm glow you get inside when you stay in the spa hot tub on a cold day. 'That's actually okay.'

Coco made more rude faces at me. 'Seriously? You don't think having a foal is just the most gorgeous thing in the world? I mean, apart from having our own baby sister, of course.'

'Yeah, yeah.' I ignored the baby sister part of what Coco had said, and used my old voice, the confident Charlie voice that had been somehow misplaced for the past twenty-four hours. 'The most gorgeous.' I took a deep breath, and a tiny dip on the nervous roller coaster and said, 'And thanks. I'll jump Cupcake. That would be good.'

'Awesome,' said Coco. She bit her lip and then smiled brightly. 'I want her to be a champion, so it's down to you, okay?' She waved me out of her room. 'Go away now. I need to do my toenails and you always complain about the smell of the nail polish.'

I left. She was right. There was no place for me in her room anymore. Instead, I tiptoed down the hall towards my own room, being extra quiet as I snuck past Mum and Dad's door.

'Charlie,' a voice called out. It was a weak voice.

_Mum. Darn it._ I stopped, hoping she'd think I'd gone on, but she called again. 'Is that you, Charlie?'

I pressed my fingers into my hands and flicked my thumbnails, nervous. I didn't want to see Mum. I wouldn't know what to say, and she always knew when there was something going on with me. I couldn't tell her I was angry with her, either. It sounded really pathetic and self-centred, almost like something Coco would have said last year. Six months into her twelve-month 'I don't want to move to the country' tantrum, I'd sworn I'd never ever put anyone through what she inflicted on us all, and I wasn't about to start. It'd be better to hide it and keep it in than spray it all over the house like she did last year.

'It's me,' I called back. 'You okay?'

'Can you come in here?'

I took a deep breath, opened the door and went in. The room was half-dark, the blinds pulled to keep the glaring late summer sun to a minimum. It was hot too, but I could feel the fan blowing from the corner. Mum was still in bed; she looked like she'd hardly moved since I saw her the night before, except she looked even thinner and whiter.

'How are you feeling?' I asked from the door. 'Do you need a drink?'

'I can't drink. I throw it up. Just come over here.'

I stepped closer, quietly and slowly. It seemed that if I made too much noise or moved too fast something might break, and it might be Mum. When I got to the side of her bed and got a proper look at her, something did break. Inside me, the hard rock of anger against Mum I was carrying fell and smashed into tiny pieces. I reached down and touched her hand. 'You look terrible.'

She grinned a small smile. 'Oh, Charlie. Always say what you think, sweetie.'

'It's true. Is this normal? Do people get this sick? Or are you just turning into some kind of weird, pregnant ghost?'

'I get sick when I'm pregnant.' She waited a moment. 'I'm sorry, darling.'

I knelt down beside her. 'Sorry? Why? You can't help it.'

'I'm sorry about your plans.' She stroked my face. 'Dad will have to take you to pony club and the competitions. I won't be able to. I was planning to, but...'

'It's okay, Mum. You'll be better soon, then everything will be like it was before.'

She nodded. 'Yes, and I'll be able to bring the baby.'

Some of my tiny anger rocks clogged together again. I wasn't angry with Mum anymore, but somehow I just knew I didn't like the baby. I didn't like it pushing into our lives, wrecking things, making Mum sick, changing everything around. I'd look after Mum, but there was no way I was going to be happy about the baby.

# 8

# Chapter 8

Dad took me to Pony Club on the weekend. It was okay, in a 'we got there, I rode and we came home' kind of way, but he didn't stay like Mum did.

'Jobs to do,' he said, as he undid the car from the horse float we'd borrowed and backed around and out of the parking area. 'Oil to get, to finish the deck. See you in a bit, yeah?'

'Yeah.' I waved as he drove away and then turned to Cupcake, who was looking sulky and tense. 'We have to jump, Cupcake.'

'You can't talk to her like that,' said Coco, appearing beside me. She'd been grabbing the tack from the float. 'You have to be smooth. And kind. Like so.' She nestled up to Cupcake and leaned in to her ear. I didn't even hear what she said, but something changed in the horse. She relaxed and pricked her ears up.

'How do you do that?' I asked.

Coco shrugged. 'She just loves me, like you do.'

'Yeah, ha ha.' I picked up the saddle and swung it over her back. 'Because you're so lovable. Whatever.'

Coco made a face at me and came around to do up Cupcake's girth. 'Just take it easy with her, okay? At first, I mean. Don't go trying to do everything all at once like you usually do.'

I rolled my eyes. 'Of course not. Don't worry.'

Coco watched from the side as I took Cupcake through her paces. We started off slowly, just walking and trotting, then we went through some of the easy beginner jumps. She pigrooted once, which shocked me a little bit, but Coco jumped up and came over, and she didn't do it again.

After a few goes around the yard, up and over the beginner jumps, we started on the bigger ones. I was the only one doing them as the rest of the kids who were there that day were still on small ponies and only jumping forty centimetres or so. Cupcake wasn't smooth and we didn't seem to move together, like Fozzles and I, but it didn't feel terrible.

'Come on, Cupcake,' I whispered to her. 'Let's do the next level.' I took her back around and went for the run up. We went over together and kept going. It didn't feel like flying, but it wasn't bad.

I patted Cupcake on the neck. 'Good job, girl.' Her ears pricked up. 'We might be okay after all.'

From the side of my eye I could see Coco clapping, so I rode over to her.

'Awesome. Well done,' she said. 'You guys are going great.'

I hopped down, pulling my helmet off and wiping the sweat off my forehead. 'Thanks. She's good. I think it might work out.'

Coco gave me a hug. 'Yay.'

'The only thing is, you don't get to ride if I'm on her.' I'd been worried about this all week. It didn't seem fair. It also didn't seem normal that Coco was being so overly nice to me. Not that I was complaining, of course, but still, I just couldn't figure it all out. It was like she was desperate to have me ride. 'I mean, don't you want to do pony club too? You love Cupcake as much as I love Fozzles.'

Coco's eyes went to the side and then back to me. She shrugged. 'I just... I mean, yeah, of course I love her. That's how come I know how bad you must feel that Fozzles is having a baby and you can't jump her. Anyway, it's not your fault she's pregnant.' She scratched her head. She seemed confused, or something else. I didn't know what.

I opened my mouth to ask her another question, but she swivelled around suddenly. 'Oh look!' Her voice had a note of relief in it. 'Isn't that Baylor?'

A huge black four wheel drive was driving down the gravel road, towing a huge, shiny black horse float behind it. It was definitely Baylor. My face suddenly felt itchy and I gave it a rub.

'What are you doing?' Coco poked me in the shoulder. 'Stop rubbing your face.'

I stopped, but I gave her a look that said, _Stay out of my itchy face, it 's none of your business._ She stepped forward and waved at the black car that had now pulled up in front of us. 'Hey, Baylor.'

I raised my hand too. 'Hey, Baylor.'

Baylor slid neatly out of the front passenger seat of her car. She looked nearly as shiny as the horse float and I gazed at her curiously. Something else was the same, but I couldn't figure it out. It wasn't until Coco opened her mouth that I realised. Baylor's outfit matched the colours on the horse float.

'Oooh,' gushed Coco. 'Love your jacket. So cute. And such a nice cut.'

I looked again. It was just a jacket, even though it was red and black. Could a jacket have a nice cut? What did that even mean? For me, a jacket was a back, two sleeves and two flaps at the front. Oh, and a collar. _Bam_. Done. Easy. I had no idea how Coco could say one jacket was cuter than another. And 'cuter'? Puppies are cute. Foals are cute. Baby bunnies are cute. Jackets are not cute.

'Thanks,' I heard Baylor say. 'I love your shorts. Adorable.'

I coughed and rubbed my eyes again. Honestly. Adorable shorts? Puppies, foals and bunnies, yes. Shorts? No.

I looked around to see what the other riders were doing. It was definitely time to get out of there when the clothes conversations started.

I went to lead Cupcake back out to the grounds, but Baylor's voice stopped me. 'Charlie? Where's your other horse?'

I looked over at her, all matchy-matchy and cute and perfect. Her mum was getting her horse out of the float and he looked as shiny as everything else.

'She's pregnant. Just found out.' I made a face. 'We didn't know.'

Baylor's eyes went wide. 'Really?'

Coco jumped in to the conversation. She was speaking quickly. 'Yeah, it must have happened before we even got our horses. From the place they were living before. Somehow Fozzles got into a paddock with a colt who grew up a bit too quickly. No one knows how it happened.'

Baylor blinked a couple of times. She looked almost shocked. 'None of our horses get pregnant unless it's planned. We have a breeding program. The stallions get selected. It's all done properly.'

Coco looked away. I laughed. 'Well, it looks like Fozzles did it the old fashioned way. But this is Cupcake. And she's great too. Are you jumping?'

'Yeah,' said Baylor. Her voice sounded like she meant to say, _What else would I be doing?_ Her mum saddled up her horse and brought it around, and Baylor buckled up her helmet, put her foot in the stirrup and swung up like she'd been doing it all her life. I watched her trot out into the ring and soar easily over the small jumps. Her seat was great; she knew just how to move with the horse and she looked comfortable, like it was the easiest thing she'd ever do.

When she'd finished a round, she came back to Coco and me. She'd hardly even broken a sweat.

'You're really good.' I nodded a few times to make the point. 'You have a great seat.'

'I've been doing this since I was four.' She sat up straighter and shook her ponytail back. 'I should be.'

I gave her horse a pat on the nose. He was beautiful. 'You're heaps lucky. I didn't even see an actual horse in the flesh until I was about nine.'

Baylor smiled in a 'poor you' kind of way. 'You're a pretty good rider for someone who's only just started.'

'Thanks,' I said, but she'd already gone. She was back out and onto the next jump. The pony club woman gave her a big thumbs up and a wide grin, and Baylor powered through like she owned the ground, the little kids on their ponies getting out of the way whenever she came through.

I grinned to myself. This would be fun. 'Come on, Cupcake,' I said, bending down to her ears. 'We've got company.'

We charged out into the ground after Baylor, heading straight for the jump she'd gone over. This time it felt like Cupcake knew I had something on the line. She didn't falter or take a wrong step. She just cantered and launched and jumped and landed and kept running, and together we felt unstoppable.

At the end of the ground, I turned Cupcake around so that I could see where Baylor was. For a second I thought she'd disappeared; her float was still there, but she wasn't out in the arena any more.

Then I saw her. She was sitting on her horse, near the gate, just watching, but her eyes were fixed on me. I raised my hand to give her a thumbs up, but she didn't move a muscle. Instead, she just kept watching me, her head slightly tilted, her mouth pursed and her eyes squinty like she was looking into the sun.

I rode over to her and pulled up close by. 'You're great. It's awesome to have someone to compete with.'

She looked away for a second, then fixed her eyes straight out in front of her, like she was focusing on the view of the mountain in front of us.

'Yes,' she said. 'You're very competitive.'

When Dad picked us up later that day, I was hot, sweaty, messy and happy.

'You've got dirt all over your shirt,' Coco scolded as we got into the car after sorting out the gear and putting Cupcake back in the float. 'Jodhpurs I can understand, but a shirt? I don't even know how that's possible.'

I shrugged and smiled. 'Seriously? It doesn't matter. Cupcake was awesome. Did you see how she went over that barrel jump? The third time was better than the fourth time, but the fifth time was the best of all.'

'I stopped watching. I checked Facebook, then I walked into town for a drink. James met me there. We had milkshakes.' She smiled, like she was remembering it. 'Didn't you notice I was gone?'

'Really? I thought you were going to stay.'

Coco looked aghast. 'I was there. At least, most of the time. But I was never going to watch every single jump. You knew that, right?'

My happiness dropped a notch. 'Yeah, I know.' _Mum would 've stayed. _'How's Mum?' I asked Dad, looking out the window at the bush flying past the car. 'Any better?'

'Same as yesterday. Sick, sick and sick.'

'Can I go talk to her when we get back? Tell her what happened?'

'She's gone to sleep. She said for no one to disturb her, not even me.' He grinned at me apologetically. 'She was even sicker than this when she was having you two. This actually isn't too bad.'

'Oh.' I didn't know what else to say.

'You can tell _me_ what happened, if you like. At least the highlights, anyway. Maybe in five sentences or less. Or two.'

I rested my forehead on the window. Close up, I could see smatterings of dust and spider web. Further out, the green and grey of the trees and scrub was mushed together into a big smudge of khaki.

'It doesn't matter,' I said. 'It's not that important.'

But it was.

# 9

# Chapter 9

At school the following week, something was different. I wasn't sure what it was. Perhaps it was something about the way the girls looked at me. Or spoke to me. Or both, maybe. Whatever it was, it was oozing out of Baylor.

'What were your scores at pony club?' she asked me on Monday morning, shaking back her hair. 'Did you get any penalties?'

'Um,' I tried to remember. 'Three penalties. One on the second jump and two on jump five.' I looked over at her, but she'd looked away and seemed engrossed in some other conversation. I shrugged and moved on.

On Tuesday she handed me an article she'd printed out from some horse website she followed. 'Here you go. It just reminded me of you for some reason.'

I smiled and then looked down at the title.

_So, you 're starting out show jumping? Six mistakes beginners make and how you can avoid them._

'Thanks?' I put it in my bag.

On Wednesday she had her phone out with a bunch of girls going _ooh_ and _aah_ around it. I didn't bother looking. Things that make most girls go ooh and aah don't thrill me too much, but I didn't have a chance to not look. Baylor came over to me and put the phone right up to my face. 'I'm ordering these for the Inter-schools comp.' It was a picture of a pair of chaps. 'Leather. They're the best ones you can get.'

'Oh, That's nice.'

'Yeah. I told Mum I had to have them. For competitions. None of mine are new anymore.' She turned to me with a super-interested look on her face. 'What brand are yours?'

I shrugged. 'Who would know? Ness gave me an old pair of hers. I didn't even have white joddys until she lent me some.'

Baylor's nostrils flared and her eyes got wider. 'Really?' She pulled her phone away from me like I had some kind of virus and flounced back to the girls.

On Thursday she showed everyone a photo of her on her horse at last year's State event saying, 'Oh, it's just an old one, I don't even know why I got it up,' and on Friday she cornered me after History. 'Are you riding at the Show tomorrow?'

'Yeah. I'm going with Ness and Tessa.'

Her nose wrinkled. 'Oh. Well, I'll see you there. Hopefully you'll do well.'

I smiled. 'Thanks. You too. You're a good rider.'

Her nose wrinkled again and she looked away. 'Oh. Um, thanks.'

Coco always says that the weirdest thing about me is the fact I don't get mad with people. She carries grudges practically forever. Once, when she was five and we still lived in Sydney, she had a thing against Micah, a friend of Josh's, because for about two months he teased her about having the same name as the ingredient for chocolate cake--cocoa. She hated Micah for years, even after he'd stopped doing it, and every time he came over to play, she'd play some kind of sneaky trick on him, like tie his shoelaces together or hide his hat. She didn't do it to make a fuss and get attention, it was only to make his life more difficult.

I never cared about being teased, though. Even when Micah said to me, 'Charlie's a boy's name,' I just let it roll off me and got on with whatever I was doing. Getting mad wasn't worth the hassle.

Having said that, of course, I'm not some Little Miss Perfect who loves everyone. There are people I don't like. One of them was Coco's stupid ex-best friend Samantha from Sydney. Not because she annoyed me or teased me, or anything like that. It was more that I could tell she was only out for herself. She didn't care about Coco at all. I don't like those kinds of people. But I don't get mad about being teased and I don't make a fuss about the people I don't like.

Baylor was doing something. I wasn't stupid enough to think she wasn't. But whatever it was, I decided to let it slide off my back. Maybe she was having a bad week. _Who knew?_ I shrugged. The more important thing to think about was the horse riding events at the Kangaroo Valley Show.

And even more important, the fact that I was going to be riding to win.

That night I stayed up washing, brushing and plaiting Cupcake, just like Tessa had showed me, before rugging her overnight. When I finally got into bed, I set my alarm for five am like Ness told me to. She was coming to pick up Cupcake in the float early, and Dad said he'd drive me and Coco over the mountain at six am for a seven am start. (Actually, he didn't 'say' it. He started out with a lot of groaning and reluctance, but I insisted, so he finally growled, 'Okay then. Six in the morning.') I had an hour to pack up my stuff and the tack, and catch Cupcake. When I was all dressed myself, I woke Coco up gently, because she hates to be dislodged out of bed at all, especially on a Saturday morning.

'You are insane.' She tried to cover her head with her pillow. 'Go away. I hate you.'

I batted her toes, which were sticking out from under her doona and, once she reached down to stop me, moved up so I could bat her ears.

'James will be there.'

'Argh. Alright.' She made a big noise on the 'right'. 'I'm coming.'

Everything was sorted, the horses had been floated and sent off, and Coco was actually dressed and ready by the time I woke Dad up at five-fifty. Mum stirred next to him but she didn't open her eyes. She still had a bowl by the side of her bed and the room smelled vaguely of puke. Not badly, but enough to hint at the fact that someone had vomited in there at least three times a day every day for the last four months. Dad obviously didn't believe in bleach-based cleaning products the same way Mum did. _Or maybe they made her sicker_. I'd have to ask.

'Ready?' Dad said, but he didn't wait for the answer. He didn't even get dressed, pulling a pair of gumboots on over his pyjama pants and walking straight out the door to the SUV.

As we bumped and rumbled up the driveway, the sun peeked over the side of the escarpment and spread gold all over the morning. I poked Coco with excitement. 'Eeek. The show. Can you believe it?'

She yawned, opened her eyes briefly and shut them again. 'Why am I not asleep? What is this alternate universe you dwell in?'

I rolled my eyes, smiled and ignored her, looking out at the world waking up around me.

Half an hour later we were pulling up into the Kangaroo Valley Showground, all festooned with tents and caravans and sideshows, ready for a big day. I spied Ness running towards us. 'You're here! Great.'

Tessa dragged her feet behind her, and I spied James yawning behind a horse float.

Coco's eyes suddenly sprang open. 'I'll just be over there,' she sang out, leaving me to organise Cupcake.

'You girls all okay then?' Dad said. 'I'll be back at what? Five-thirty this evening?'

'About that,' said Ness. She came around to the back of the float with me. 'How are you feeling?'

'I'm fine. I think Cupcake's fine too. She was easy this morning.'

Ness raised her eyebrows. 'I thought so too. Good stuff. What are you wearing today?'

I looked down at my outfit: Ness's cast-off jodhpurs and chaps, my boots and a polo shirt I'd found at the back of my cupboard. 'This?'

She tilted her head and gazed at me. 'Yeah, nah. I've got something that will be better.' She took me around to the back of her four-wheel drive, filled to the brim with tack and boots and hats and anything else you could ever need for a day out with a horse, dug around a little bit and pulled out a shirt and a tie. 'These will help.'

I shrugged and put them on. They fit okay, and Ness helped me do up the tie. 'How do I look?'

'A bit scruffy. Those chaps could do with a clean.' She gestured towards my legs. 'But it's good enough. They want you to ride well but they like you to look right too.'

'Hang on.' I ran around the other side of the float to where Coco was sitting next to James, giggling her head off. 'Hey Coco. Check it out. I have an outfit.'

Coco looked up and squirmed, just slightly. 'Really? Okay, I guess.'

I laughed at her. 'It's not designer, obvs.'

She made a face and looked back to James.

'It looks fine to me.' He shoved his hand through his blond hair. 'Anyway, who cares? It's about the riding.'

'Ugh. You just don't understand.' Coco rolled her eyes and punched him in the arm, giggling again.

Tessa and I tacked up, sipped water, got ready, and watched and waited. We walked through the show jumping course, pacing it out and thinking about turns and angles and lines.

When the events started, the littler kids went through their paces first; tiny little tots on white ponies cantering, trotting and lifting their little hooves over mini jumps and then being awarded small blue ribbons.

The heat started to come in in earnest about eight am, the flies started soon after that, and Coco started complaining loudly not long after I'd wiped the first sweat off my nose. 'Seriously? Is it too early for a snow cone? Why aren't any of the stalls open yet?'

'Sit in the shade,' I heard James say. 'Do you want me to get you a drink?'

I rolled my eyes at Tessa and laughed.

Baylor had arrived in her big black setup, and walked around in her new jacket, leading her big horse behind her, all to the soundtrack of the seemingly inexhaustible competition caller, an old man with a microphone who roamed the oval, getting everyone in their places, and calling the hacking and sporting events all day as if he'd been doing it for a hundred years.

I entered three show jumping events. Tessa entered two and did hacking as well. The whole thing was more challenging than I'd thought.

'You've got to be smart for this,' I panted to Ness after my first round. 'Like, you've got to remember where the jumps are and pace everything out, and stay in control.'

She nodded. 'That's exactly what I've been telling you. But you're smart. You can do it.'

I nodded, and watched even more intently, impressing it all into my brain.

I pulled ahead in the first round, then Baylor got in front in the jump-off. Then I won the second jump-off, and she won the third. Both of us picked up blue and red ribbons throughout the afternoon, but at the end of the afternoon, when they called out the Supreme Champion, I knew it would be Baylor. I was okay with that; I had given it everything I had, and Cupcake had given it everything she had. We'd learned a lot, for a first time. And we'd be back.

'Congratulations,' I said to Baylor. 'That was close.'

She gave me a big smile and touched her ribbon. It was green, white and yellow, with tassels sewn on the ends. 'Not that close.'

'Yeah, it was.' I touched the Reserve Champion ribbon they had laid over my shoulder. 'It was close.'

I smiled. I actually felt good. Now I knew what the competition was, now I understood how Baylor rode and how she competed on the day, I knew what I'd have to do to beat her.

_I can do that,_ I said to myself. _I can do it next time._

And I knew I could. I dismounted, put my ribbon in Ness's car, tethered Cupcake with some water and feed, pulled off my tie and threw off my helmet. It was still boiling hot even in the late afternoon.

'Is there time for me to get something?' I asked Ness.

'Coco and James are about to go get a drink. I'll tell them to wait for you, if you like.'

'Yes, please.' I was hungry for victory, but thirsty for anything that was cold and wet.

# 10

# Chapter 10

Nothing's cheap at a show, and I'd stuffed my wallet down into the bottom of my bag, mostly so I wouldn't be tempted to spend my money on rubbish I didn't need. Coco's the spender; I'm the saver. I've got a plan to buy a car when I get my licence in a couple of years, and if I pick the right one, I think I'll be able to afford it.

Coco might be able to afford a steering wheel cover if she's lucky.

She was always asking me to help her out because she'd just spent all her money on a new something or other, usually clothes, but she also bought a lot of makeup. I couldn't figure out why anyone needed so much--she only had one face, as I told her constantly, but she assured me it was necessary.

'Please lend me twenty bucks?' she'd whine. 'You've got heaps. You can afford it.' I'd just laugh at her and tell her 'no'. 'Save your money and you'll have heaps too.' But she never listened.

My bag was at the back of the horse float and I had to go around the float to get to it. I dislodged it, hopped out of the gate of the float, and leaned against it with my hand shoved right down into my bag, grabbing around for my wallet.

I was looking into the distance ahead of me, that looking-but-not-looking thing that you do when you're focusing on something else. There were kids and horses everywhere, and as my hand was digging around in my bag, my eyes travelled to a small girl who was struggling to get a saddle off her big palomino. Almost at the exact second that my fingers closed around my wallet, it was like I got an electric shock. Something jolted inside me, all the way down to my fingernails.

'Ow,' I said. I dropped my bag and shook my hand a few times. But there was no other pain, which was weird. I've had a shock before, trying to plug in a vacuum cleaner when I was about five, and wanting to be helpful to Mum. I remember the horrible scratchy feeling it gave me, and the pain in my hand afterward. But this was different.

I picked up my bag again, and reached down once more for my wallet, again letting my eyes drift over to the girl and her palomino, and the boy who'd joined them. As soon as I did it, I got another jolt. This one left me breathless. Like, actually with no breath. It was like all the air got sucked out of me in one sudden swoop.

I was so taken aback I felt like I had to lean against something while my lungs learned how to work again, so I stepped backwards towards the float. Unfortunately, I'd moved when I dropped the bag and the float wasn't behind me anymore. Instead of leaning back onto the wall of the horse trailer, I leaned back into nothing at all, and fell straight back onto my bottom.

'Ow,' I said again. This time there was actual pain. I rubbed my bum and down the back of my leg.

'You okay?' Coco popped her head around the back of the float. 'Are you getting your wallet? We're waiting.' She took a step towards me. 'Why are you down there?'

I shrugged my shoulders. 'I dunno. I got a shock and then I suddenly felt dizzy and then I just fell over.'

Coco looked concerned. 'Are you sick? Do you need to eat?'

I shook my head. I was as confused as she was. 'No. I just suddenly felt so strange. I've never ever felt like it before.'

She narrowed her eyebrows. 'What were you doing?'

'Just getting my wallet out of the bag, and looking over there.' I pointed with my chin a bit towards the girl and her palomino. My eyes flicked from her to the horse, and then seemed to dance around a little bit, out of my control. My mouth moved and some words came out but I didn't really know what I said until Coco answered me.

'Where's who?' said Coco.

'What?'

'You asked "where is he?"' said Coco. She was looking at me with the weirdest expression on her face, halfway between a massive smile and an 'I can't believe it' face.

'I did not. Why would I say that?'

Coco turned her face out to where I was looking and scanned across the crowd of people, floats and horses.

'It's him, isn't it?' she said triumphantly.

'Who?'

'That guy over there.' She gestured with her head, because Coco never, ever points. If we go out to the shops and Mum dares to point at an outfit she likes, Coco looks like she might sink into the floor with embarrassment.

'That guy?' I opened my mouth to speak but the words got all jumbled up and my tongue felt thick. All I could do was swallow a few times and grab for some support. My eyes were firmly stuck; they weren't going to move, but my chest felt like someone had stomped all the air out of it.

Coco was right. There, just fifty metres away, helping the little girl take the saddle off her palomino, was a boy. And he was a boy like I'd never seen a boy to be before. He was tanned, dressed in a hat, boots and jodhpurs and he was smiling and chatting to the little girl he was helping. I felt my mouth open on its own but I didn't bother to close it. Even if I'd caught a few flies in it, it wouldn't have mattered. Nothing would ever have mattered ever again if that boy was in eye shot.

I heard fingers snapping and then Coco's head came into my view.

'Hey? Charlie?' She grinned. 'I think you're in love.' Then she started singing. 'Charlie's crushing on a far-mer, Charlie's crushing on a far-mer.'

I sat up. The spell, if that's what it had been, was broken. 'I am _not_. I am going to get a drink.' I grabbed my wallet from my bag, sprang to my feet and strode off, leaving her laughing behind me. 'I'm thirsty, that's all.'

The gravel crunched under my boots and the dust swirled around my toes as I walked away, in the opposite direction from the boy. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw James walking over to Coco with a curious look on his face and Tessa's head turn to see what they were talking about, but I didn't care. Coco had it wrong, and I wasn't going to stick around for her to start teasing me. I checked my wallet. I had a five dollar note and a few stray coins. That was enough for a drink. And maybe a snow cone too. I'd get hydrated and refreshed, then we'd pack up and go home with Dad. I'd feel better and Coco would forget about whatever it was she thought had happened.

I walked up the hill, through the day-time stalls, which were mostly closing down, with people packing things off tables into boxes and taking down signs. I was heading for the food stalls, which were lighting up brightly for the evening. Music was pumping from the vans that sold hot dogs and hot chips, and chiko rolls and all the greasy food you only ever want to eat at the show, when it's warm enough to raise a sweat in the shade, and dust is in the air and in your hair.

I headed for the slushie bar. Crushed ice and sugar syrup would do the job for sure. I lined up behind a family who seemed to have more kids every time I looked down at them. It took them about seven minutes to even decide what they wanted, and at least another three or four for the guy behind the counter to fill the cups and pour the syrup on top, and then to take the money and give the change.

Getting bored, I started to look around me. In one direction the vans were selling pizza, doughnuts and cappuccinos for the parents. In the other direction, skinny men and tattooed women were calling passing kids to come and 'ave-a-go on the rifle shooting or the duck catching games. I gazed further, down to the dodgem cars and the ride where you spin so fast you nearly puke, and then it happened again. My eyes found That Boy and my knees buckled underneath me.

'Oof,' I said, nearly hitting the ground. The little kids in front of me stopped their whinging for a good two seconds and looked at me like I was some kind of alien. I stood up again, straightening myself out, and carefully peered down in the same direction as before. It was definitely him, and even though I was trying really hard to stay in control, I still felt my heart beat faster.

'Can I help you?' called the slushie guy, and my head jerked around to the front. The family with multiple children had taken their cups and disappeared. The guy looked impatient.

'Oh, sorry.' I stepped up to the van. 'Um, maybe just a blue one, please?'

'Three bucks fifty.' I scrabbled around in my wallet and passed him some money, then whirled my head back around so I could see down the path.

'No. Three fifty.'

I looked down at my hand. I had given the guy a two dollar coin. I was going nuts. 'Sorry.' I threw my five dollar note at him, picked up my blue snow cone and walked away.

'Change?' he called out behind me, but I waved it away. It wasn't important. The only thing that was important was to make sure He stayed in my eye line. Everything else seemed trivial and stupid. Watching him was the only thing I could do. He moved from side show to side show with a couple of friends, laughing and talking, and I stayed about thirty metres away, hugging the edge of the path. If his face ever pointed in my direction I pretended to look at whatever I was standing next to. _He can 't see me_, I thought. _He can 't know I'm looking at him._ My breathing was short and shallow and I wasn't even tasting my snow cone, even though I was sipping it through the straw.

Just as he was moving away down the path and back towards the dodgems, I felt a hand on my shoulder. I whirled around in shock, only to find Coco and James behind me. Coco's eyebrows were so high they were practically part of her hair. She was laughing. 'Where did you go? Dad's here to get us.'

'Really?' I swung my head back around to see if the boy was still there, but it was too late. There was no sign of him or his friends. Everything sank a little inside my chest.

'Are you still looking at that guy?' Coco asked. She had a grin as wide as her face.

'What guy?' The words snapped out of my mouth. They sounded a lot more defensive than I meant them to.

'What guy?' Coco laughed to James. 'Look at her.'

He smiled, but only a little bit. 'Don't be mean to her.'

'Do you even know who he is?'

I shook my head. I didn't trust myself to speak.

She gave a tiny shrug, like she was trying to say 'sorry for teasing'. 'I'll find out for you.'

# 11

# Chapter 11

Dad sounded chirpy in the car on the way home and there was a spring in his step as we put Cupcake away and cleaned out the float. 'Mum's better today. Lots better.'

I put on some speed and rushed into the house before Coco had even pulled off her boots. 'Mum? Where are you?'

The house was quiet and still, just like usual.

'Mu-um?' I raised my voice.

There was a weak reply from behind Mum's door. 'Is that you, Charlie?'

I bumped down the hall, dragging my bag with the ribbons in it. 'Mum? Are you still in bed? Dad said you were heaps better.' From the door I saw her face, still pale and so much thinner than it used to be. She was in bed, just like I'd seen her every day for weeks.

'I was. I even got up. But I think I used up all my energy.' She sounded drained and weak, but she put a smile on her face anyway. 'Did you have a good day? Did you do well?'

I sat down on the bed next to her. 'It was good. I was so close but Baylor just edged me out in the end. See? I got a second.' I pulled my Reserve Champion ribbon out and stretched it over the bed cover.

She took a deep breath in and let it out again. 'You did so well, sweetie. Were you proud?'

I nodded. 'I missed you though. It hasn't been the same.'

'I know. I'm sorry.' She patted her stomach. 'It's the baby, though. She won't let me just yet.'

'She? Do you know what it is?'

She smiled and shook her head. 'No. But I have a strong feeling it's going to be a girl. And I think she's going to be a lot like you.'

I forced a smile on my face. 'Oh.' I changed the subject. 'Do you want anything?'

Mum shook her head again. 'No thanks. If there's nothing else to tell me, just give me some quiet so I can sleep, okay?'

I sat back and dropped my hand down by my side. So much for being better. I had so much to tell her, but I couldn't even get half of it out. And now I wasn't even sure I wanted to tell her anything if she was only focusing on a baby girl who was going to be just like me. I stood up. _Don 't make a fuss._ 'Okay. See you later.'

She closed her eyes and waved a hand limply at me and I backed out of the room and shut the door. In the hallway, Coco jumped on me, all bright eyes and excitement. 'Did you tell Mum about you know who?'

'What?' I gave her the best cranky look I could muster. 'Who?'

She grinned like a mad woman next to me. 'The Boy. You know who! The boy who made you fall over on the grass. It's something I've never seen before--Charlie in love.'

'One, I am not in love.' I tried to put on my most dignified, you-aren't-bothering-me-in-the-slightest kind of air. It usually worked when I wanted to get Coco off my back. 'And two, I did not tell Mum about the "boy", whoever he is, because even though, yes, he's very good looking, and yes, I may have been a little bit watching him, I'll probably never see him again in my life, and even if I did, he probably wouldn't be interested in me anyway.'

'Why not?' Her grin was really getting on my nerves.

'Why not what?'

'Why wouldn't he be interested in you?'

I dropped my bag on the ground and gave her a look. 'I don't know. Because, well, because...'

'Because nothing. Because you're so heaps ugly that no one would ever love you? Nope. Because you're a terrible rider? Nope. Because you have a really boring personality? Nuh-uh.' She danced around me. 'I'm gonna find out who he is. And then I'm going to make sure he notices you. And then...'

'And then nothing!' I picked up my bag and swung it at her. 'It's none of your business, okay?'

She jumped away from me, looking a little shocked. I made my voice quieter. 'I'm sorry. But don't bug me about this. It's not even important.'

In bed later, I didn't sleep. Instead, I turned over and over until I almost got horizontally dizzy, if there is such a thing. I looked at the photo of me on Fozzles, pinned up on one wall, and then turned on the other side to look out the window. Even with the curtains closed, there was light sneaking in through the gaps. The moon seemed extra bright, with silver tendrils reaching into my brain and jumbling up my thoughts. I thought about Mum and the stupid baby. I thought about Cupcake and Baylor, and how close I came at the show. I thought about Fozzles and her stomach, growing bigger every single day.

The thoughts swirled and tossed and just when I thought I might be able to let it all go like I normally do, another thought came in, pitched a tent and set up camp in my head. It was him--that boy with the hat and the boots and the jodhpurs, the one who did strange things to my breathing and my balance. He stood there, laughing and chatting in my brain, and didn't want to leave. Or maybe I didn't want him to leave. Either way, he stayed, and while one part of me was happier than I've ever been before, another part of me was super-annoyed. Was this boy, whoever he was, going to derail my plans?

I thumped my fists into my mattress and sat up. I wouldn't let him. I was going to win the competition and beat Baylor, and nothing--no babies, no pregnant horses and especially no boys--were going to stop me.

At lunchtime on Monday, Baylor was showing something on her phone to her group of giggling girls when I walked up to them.

'Good job on Saturday, by the way, Baylor,' I said, when there was a gap in the conversation. 'You rode awesome.'

'See? Pictures of the prize giving.' She smiled, kind of patronisingly and showed me her phone, with a picture of her, Napoleon and her Champion ribbon at the end of the day. 'Maybe you'll do better next year.'

Something in her voice woke up the part of my brain that wants to win, and for some reason, I didn't shut it down. 'It was close, for my first competition ever.'

'Close? It was a good win.'

I looked straight in her face and smiled. 'It'll be closer next time.'

There was a gasp from the girls around us, but I didn't pay any attention to them. Instead, I smiled again and walked down to the oval. I needed to play soccer; my feet were itching to run and kick, and I'd already decided to try to get into whatever game was going on down there, whether they wanted me or not.

A bunch of year seven boys were getting into teams and when I asked to join them they looked almost too nervous to say no, so I put myself on a team, scored three goals and gave them all high fives when the bell went at the end of lunch.

I was wiping my face down and getting a drink from my locker when Coco came running up to me, her face anxious. 'What did you say to Baylor?' She half whispered it, looking around her as if she was scared someone might see her.

I shrugged my shoulders. 'Nothing. Why?'

'She's saying stuff about you.' Her voice was worried.

'What sort of stuff?'

'Like, you threatened her. She's kind of hinting that you cheated in the competition, and it sounds like you said she was, I don't know, a loser or something.'

I made a face. 'Really? That's nuts.' I shrugged. 'I don't care, though.'

A tremor went through Coco's whole body. 'You have to care.'

I leaned back against my locker. 'Why?'

'Because this is school. Because I don't know if you realise it, but Baylor is one of the opinion makers around here. Because if she says something, people agree with it and if she hates someone, everyone hates them too.'

I took in a breath and let it out. I could feel a headache starting to press its way up the back of my neck and reach its little hot fingers down into my ears. 'I was fine to Baylor. I didn't say anything. Seriously. Nothing bad. And nothing she didn't ask for, with what she said to me. She can tell what stories she likes. It won't change what's true. It was a close result and next time it'll be closer. If she wants to make up lies, I can't change that.'

'But you should go stick up for yourself,' said Coco, almost pleading now. 'Or make peace. Do something.'

'I don't have the energy for games like that. It's Baylor's problem. If she wants to argue with me or be mean to me, she can come do it to my face. If not...' I shrugged my shoulders, 'whatever. Anyway, it's not like I'd know what to say to make it up to her. I've just been honest. You're the one who's good at all that "she said, no she said" stuff. I just want life to be simple--say what you mean, be honest, don't get offended.'

I went to maths, I went to English, and I went to textiles. I went home and came to school and went home again, times five or ten or twenty, and I ignored Baylor and whatever she was apparently saying about me. Coco looked anxious and upset, but I ignored that too. It was all too much to deal with so I refused to think about it.

I put my energy into jumping and getting ready for the next competition, practicing every afternoon on Cupcake, down at Ness's round yard, and I would have been totally focused if it hadn't been for that boy from the show, who still snuck his way through a door into my head, sometimes at the most ridiculous times. I've always been someone who can concentrate, even in the boring classes, like maths. Now though, I found myself forgetting even basic formulas like the circumference of a circle or how to calculate the volume of a cube, just because I was admiring his hat and his laugh and his smile in my head.

'Get it together,' I growled to myself, almost out loud, more than once, slapping myself on the cheek. 'You've got to sort this out.'

I decided I didn't want to think about him and his hat and his smile. And every time I caught myself opening the door to him to say 'hi', I pinched my leg really hard.

_Ow._

The first time I did it so hard I nearly cried.

_Ow, ow, ow._

It worked, mostly, and I'd nearly gotten rid of him, until Coco popped into my room one night, her laptop in her hand, and a sparkle in her eye.

'I tracked him down,' she announced, her voice sounding all, 'clever-me-aren't-I-great'.

I put my book down on my bed, let out a big sigh and feigned interest. 'You tracked who down?'

'Your boyfriend, of course.'

I made a face at her but I didn't hit her. Even though she was super annoying, she was also heaps cleverer than me at anything to do with people, and much as I wanted to get him out of my head, the very second Coco mentioned him, I realised I also wanted to find out every single thing about him. Starting with his name.

'He's not my boyfrie--' I began half-heartedly, but she didn't even let me finish.

'He's Jake Smith.' She bounced down onto the bed and pushed her laptop into my face. 'He's got a sister in the under twelves section--Talia Smith, in case you wanted to know--and he's fourteen. Exactly our age!'

I blinked. It was hard to see what was in front of me when everything was so close, so I pushed it back and away and focused on the photo in front of me.

Immediately my lungs started gasping and my hands got sweaty. It was him. It really was. His Facebook profile picture wasn't the clearest, but it was definitely his hat, his face and his smile. Something inside me melted. 'Is that him?'

'Are you stupid?' said Coco, rolling her eyes. 'Look.'

I looked and miserably nodded my head. She bounced up and down in delight. 'You should friend him. Here, I'll log out, and you log in and friend him.'

'What? No!' I sprang away from her, shocked. 'I've never even talked to him.'

'So? You don't have to talk to someone to friend them.'

'Well _I_ do. That's just nuts. Why are they your friend if you don't even know them?'

Coco shrugged happily. 'I don't know. But you can. Look, he's got at least four mutual friends with me, so he would have with you too. See, Baylor's one of them.' She looked up. 'You and Baylor are good now, right?'

I raised my eyebrows. 'Is that what she says?'

'Is that what you say?'

I shrugged. 'I wouldn't know.'

Coco went back to the computer. 'I haven't heard her say anything about you, so she must have let it blow over.'

'Blow over?'

'You know, just let whatever happened sort itself out.'

'Nothing happened. She just got mean and made stuff up.' Inside my chest, strangely, the air felt hot. I'd never felt this way before.

'Well, whatever.' She shrugged. 'Anyway, with Jake Smith, I think James knows someone who knows him, so that's enough, right?'

'Not for me. That's weird.' I picked up my book again and started reading, and nothing Coco did could make me look at her computer again. If Jake Smith, or whoever he was, was Facebook friends with Baylor, he could leave now. Anyway, he was distracting me from what I had to do next--win the next show, then train for the Inter-schools competition.

Oh, and beat Baylor.

# 12

# Chapter 12

Beating Baylor at the next show was the only thing I thought about for the next week.

I smiled nicely at school when I saw her. Even Coco couldn't have picked that I didn't mean it. The only time she stared at me with a question in her eyes was when she must have seen me turn away from Baylor, who'd started hammering on about something horsey. Like she was the only one who knew anything about horses, anyway. I don't normally get mad, but Baylor was pressing the few buttons I had. I turned away and made a face, just a teeny tiny one, but Coco saw it. Her mouth opened like she was going to say something but I jumped up and made an excuse to get away. 'Orange juice. Canteen. Back in a min.'

Beating Baylor at the next show was also the only thing I thought about at home.

'What events are you going in this time?' asked Mum, in her pregnant, sick voice, back in bed again. 'Are they the same as the Kangaroo Valley Show?'

I flicked open the program. 'Yeah, mostly. Hacking, barrel racing. The usual stuff. I'm only going to do show jumping, though.'

'Will the same people be riding again?' She shifted up in bed to get a look at the page I was holding open.

'Probably some. Maybe a few. Not sure.'

'That girl who rode last time and beat you, is it Bailey or something? Will she be there?'

I turned my head so Mum couldn't see my face. 'I think so.'

I didn't say, 'I know so. And she'd better watch out because I'm going to jump so high and gallop so fast that the wind behind me will whip off her super cute jacket and blow it away to the tops of the trees.' I looked back at Mum. 'She'll probably be there.' Then I added, 'I'd like to win.'

Mum lay back on her pillow. The smell of vomit was mostly gone now, but her face was still white, and her arms had lost their plump 'Mum-ness'. She smiled a thin sort of smile at me and closed her eyes. 'You'll do absolutely great, sweetheart. I know you will.'

It was the thought of beating Baylor that got me out of bed at five am once again on Saturday morning, after an afternoon the previous day of catching Cupcake, washing, brushing and plaiting her, and tying and sewing up her mane into tiny rosettes. I imagined the look that would be on Baylor's face when I finished first, as I got Cupcake in the float we were borrowing from Ness and packed the stuff. And as I got myself dressed and ready, I imagined me being a gracious winner, shaking her hand and saying, 'Congratulations, Baylor. You did really well.'

Dad didn't have quite the same motivation for opening his eyes at six am when I shook his shoulder and put a loud whisper in his ear. 'Come on. Show time.' He was bleary in the car and grumpy all the way down the coast until I finally let him stop for a coffee, once I'd figured out we weren't going to be late and miss registration.

'You're staying all day, right? Because Coco isn't coming this time, and you know I need someone to be there.'

'Yes, dear,' he said, in that voice that parents do when really what they want to say is, 'I've told you twenty-five times I'm staying all day. How many times do you need me to repeat myself?' I smiled out the window with satisfaction. I do better when there's someone there, cheering me on. _Cheering me on._ Suddenly I felt anxious. 'You're going to watch, right?'

'Huh?' he said, coming up from his takeaway cup. 'Watch what?'

'Watch _me,_ obvs. Watch me win.' I thought better of what I'd said and corrected myself. 'At least, try to win. Do the best I can do. Participate and try my best. You know, that stuff.'

He sipped again, and I'm sure there was a tiny eye roll in there too, because his face was a bit turned away. 'Yes, Charlie. Yes, I will be watching you. Also maybe reading _The Land_ between events. Will that be okay?'

'That boring farming newspaper?'

'Yes. That "boring" farming newspaper.' He grinned. 'I can tell I'm not going to be converting you into a farmer anytime soon.'

'If you have horses on your farm, I'll be there.' I grinned back at him. 'Feeling better now? Six in the morning isn't so bad, is it? It's going to be a good day.'

It was. A good day, I mean.

In fact, it was better than I expected.

Even though the thought of beating Baylor had gotten me out of bed, once we got into the showground, I put her and Napoleon and her mean looks out of my mind. Instead, I focused on Cupcake, keeping her calm, getting her going, then making sure we were working together. We took our turns, controlled our canters and jumped as well as we could, and we made sure we stayed out of Baylor's way, avoiding her eye and not hanging out with the group of girls she had gathered around her. When I wasn't in an event, I sat myself on the dust that passed for grass, in the shade next to our horse float, and read a book.

The only time I actually looked up and around was in the middle of the day. I didn't have much of an interest in the show itself; I'd decided to save my money and bring all my own food and drink for the day, so I didn't want to go up and walk around the sideshow stalls or the food caravans and tempt myself into any overpriced drinks or ultra-greasy show food. The only thing I was vaguely interested in, apart from the horse events, was, well, you know...

_Jake Smith_. Pinch. _Ow._

He was bugging me even more now. His name had taken up a permanent part of my main brain since the Facebook discussion, but for some reason, I could hardly say it to myself, let alone out loud. 'That boy,' I called him when I thought about him. And, 'You know, that boy,' I called him if Coco insisted I talk about him.

I didn't look for him. I was too embarrassed. Instead, I looked for his sister in the under twelves section. Talia Smith, on her palomino. When I heard the under twelves announced, I listened carefully to the names, but even with the screeching and the distortion of the PA, nothing sounded like a 'Talia'. I listened twice, and then on the third event, got up and casually wandered over to the barriers in an 'I'd like to admire the horses' kind of way, but there were no palominos. Even when I'd really gotten desperate and walked up and down the area where all the horses were tethered, then gone a bit further up the path, just in case Talia might have taken her palomino for a walk somewhere, I still didn't see her.

Or him.

My heart sank a little bit, all on its own, without any instructions. Then I gave it a tiny slap and my leg a pinch and told my heart not to be silly and romantic and stupid. I didn't need That Boy to be here. In fact, it was great that he wasn't. I had a day of riding to get through. I had a goal to fulfil. I had Baylor to beat, and Cupcake to ride. And ribbons to win.

I took a deep breath. This was why I was here. To compete. Having _him_ around would only get in the way.

Dad did his part well. Not as well as Mum would have, of course. I mean, he did things in a 'dad' sort of way, asking obvious questions and not really following along with the program.

'What's that event?' he'd ask when there were barrels out, and the event name in the program said 'Barrel Racing'. I tried not to do a Coco and roll my eyes, but it was hard.

But, to be positive, he stayed at the showground, which I gave him points for. He also gave me a thumbs up every time I looked over at him, so he was generally paying attention and being encouraging, which was great. Every time I knew he was watching me, I pretended it was Mum sitting there, cheering me on, and I'd jump higher and focus harder and do everything better. Before I knew it, the day was over and they were announcing the ribbons.

'The overall champion for the twelves to sixteens is Charlie Franks.' A grizzled man in white moleskin pants and an Akubra hat announced it into his microphone and my name squeaked and crackled out over the whole showground.

'Really?' I looked around me.

'Dad, did you keep track of the points?' I mouthed the words back to where he was still sitting in the tiny bit of shade he'd followed around all day. He shrugged a little and pointed to his newspaper.

'Charlie Franks?' The announcer said my name a second time. 'Show Jumping Champion.'

Slightly dazed, I grabbed Cupcake's lead rope and led her out to where the announcer was standing with the officials and a girl wearing some kind of purple sash. _Miss Showgirl_ , it said, when I gave it a quick glance. I'd have to tell Coco. She wouldn't ride a horse at a show, but I'd bet she'd go in a showgirl contest. I wouldn't do it if you paid me.

'Congratulations, Charlie,' said Miss Showgirl, with a dazzling smile. She put a striped gold, purple and white ribbon over my shoulder, and adjusted her sash almost in one movement. As I said--there's not enough money in the world to tempt me.

'Well done, Charlie,' came another voice. It was the announcer, who now had his mouth away from the microphone. He came in closer. 'You did some really great riding today. Terrific form. Hope to see you compete in the Opens sometime.' He shook my hand with his big, craggy one. 'Good on you.' At least, that's what I think he said. It came out more like 'G'donya.'

'Thanks. Thanks a lot.' I nodded and smiled and put my ribbon across Cupcake's neck before I took her back out the gate to the float, but as I did, my eyes caught a sight of someone familiar. _That boy._ Or was it? It was a single flash of recognition. I'd seen his face, but then the face had turned away, and the person started walking back up the path towards the sideshow stalls. I gazed after him, blinking and frozen into the ground, and it wasn't until Baylor bumped into me that I came back to life.

'You've stopped,' she said and I noticed the Reserve Champion ribbon she was carrying. 'They're waiting for us to leave the arena so they can announce the Opens.'

'Congratulations,' I said, and took a few steps forward. 'You did really well.'

Baylor looked at me with a weird kind of head tilt and something I didn't understand in her eyes. 'Congratulations? Really?' She raised her eyebrows. 'You did really well?'

'Um, yeah.' I gathered Cupcake's lead rope into my hand and kept walking. 'Good competition.'

'I'll see you at the Inter-schools day,' said Baylor. She turned back to me. 'If you're doing it, that is.' She smiled. 'It's not just a local show, you know. The competition is heaps harder.'

I smiled back. My horse, Cupcake, had a Supreme Champion ribbon thrown around her neck, and the Reserve Champion ribbon didn't match Napoleon's tack or Baylor's outfit. 'I'll be there, for sure.'

# 13

# Chapter 13

I hung up my Champion ribbon in my room. Actually, I pinned it straight on the wall so I could see it when I was dumping stuff in my room, when I was doing my homework, when I was going to sleep, and when the first light came in through my window, telling me it was time to get up for a practice ride. The mist was still hovering over the paddocks when I got out there the next morning, jodhs and boots pulled on over my pyjamas. By the time I went in for breakfast, the sun had cleared it away.

Coco was nervous about me going back to school, what with winning and beating Baylor and everything.

'You won't be, you know... arrogant about it, will you?' she asked me about fifty times on Sunday afternoon.

'If Baylor's that precious that she can't handle being beaten, I can't help it. Anyway, I don't rub stuff in people's faces. Don't worry about me.'

'I'm not worried about you. I'm worried about _me_.'

I gave her crazy eyebrows, like ' _whaaat? '_ but she didn't laugh like she usually does.

'Serious. What you do affects me, you know. They see us as kind of the same person. So if you get on Baylor's bad side, I'll suffer as well.'

I let out a breath. ' _May-be_ , just _poss-i-bly_ , you are making a fuss about absolutely nothing? It has been known to happen before.' I ducked, waiting for her to throw a cushion at me, but nothing hit my head. I sat up and blinked.

Coco's hand wasn't anywhere near the cushions. Instead, she was looking thoughtful. 'Maybe you're right. Maybe nothing will happen.'

'Nothing will happen. I won. She didn't. She'll get over it. Forget about it.'

Nothing did happen. We went to school. I smiled and pretended to be interested in girlie conversations until the year seven boys started playing soccer, then I went off, ignoring the fact that I was wearing a skirt, and scoring enough goals to make me the first pick on the team for next time. If Baylor was angry with me, I didn't hang around long enough to notice it.

While I was at school, I put in enough effort to show I was actually present in the class, and at least vaguely interested in most subjects (I think I mostly just looked vague in Ancient History) but as soon as the bell went and I was on the bus, school was forgotten. Horses were the only things that were important.

On Tuesday afternoon, I was impatient with Dad when he picked us up from the bus stop and drove us down the driveway. 'Can't we go quicker?'

'You want to go quicker down this? The car will fall apart if we do.'

'And we'll fall apart from when the car goes down the side of the cliff,' came Coco's voice from the back. 'Slow, Dad. She's just impatient.'

'What's the deal with you?' asked Josh, with wonder in his voice. It's true this was unusual. I'm hardly ever impatient.

'The vet's coming to give Fozzles a check-up. I need to be there.'

Inside the house I ignored Mum's call from her bedroom and raced into my room to throw my bag on my bed. I kicked off my school shoes and dragged on my riding boots, and was halfway out the door before I raced back to get my purple and gold ribbon off the wall, then disappeared down the paddock, running as fast as I could to Ness's place.

'Am I too late?' I panted, ten minutes later. 'Dad was so slow down the drive.'

Ness made a face at me across the stables. 'Yeah, I'm sorry. The vet was early.'

I kicked the sand. 'Oh, no.'

Ness must have seen my disappointed shoulders because she walked over to me. 'It's okay, though.' Her face was hopeful.

I looked up. 'Really? What did he say?'

'She. It was a woman this time. She gave her a good check over, and said everything was normal.'

'And the baby?' I still felt nervous.

'The foal is fine. Everything's on track. Fozzles is young. She's a good age for having a baby, and she's healthy. So it's all good. I told the vet we'd have her on call for the delivery.'

'On call? Why?'

Ness grabbed a shovel and started mucking out one of the stalls. I picked one up too. 'It's a "just in case" thing. In case something goes wrong. The same reason your Mum's going to have her baby in hospital.'

I put down my shovel. 'What do you mean? Hospitals are the places where babies are born. It's normal.'

'Yeah, because sometimes things go wrong,' said Ness. 'That's how it started. Women had babies at home for hundreds of years. That was the normal thing. But once doctors figured out ways to stop babies, and mothers, dying, because they did sometimes, it became normal to go to hospital. Just in case.'

I swallowed hard. This was something I hadn't really thought about. I turned away from Ness so she couldn't see my face. 'I'm going to go see Fozzles, okay?'

Fozzles was out in the paddock on the side of the stable, but when I went out the door, blinking in the sunshine, I almost didn't recognise her.

'She's huge!' I called back to Ness. My beautiful, sleek horse had turned into a heffalump. I climbed the fence, jumped down the other side, and went over to her. She nickered and came towards me.

'Fozzles.' I gave her a hug around the neck. 'I missed you.'

She ruffled my hair with her breath, and I reached into my pocket. 'I brought something for you.' I pulled out the Champion ribbon, and hung it around her neck. 'See?'

Fozzles rubbed her nose against my arm. She actually looked happy. But then I got worried. 'Oh. I hope you're not jealous. I rode Cupcake, but I mostly thought about you. And your baby.' I reached down to gently rub my hand over her tummy. 'Are you going to be okay? You aren't going to have any problems, are you?'

She nickered again, and this time I leaned down and spoke right against Fozzles' belly. 'Hey, baby. You're going to be okay. I know you are. The vet's going to be on call just in case. But it's going to be fine.'

I was good at reassuring Fozzles but I wasn't so good at reassuring myself. For the rest of the afternoon, all I could hear were Ness's words, replaying over and over again in my head.

_Babies and mothers dying._

_Babies and mothers dying._

_Babies and mothers dy_ --

I put my fork down at dinner. It made a crashing sound _._ Coco and Josh looked at me. Dad looked like he was trying not to notice.

'Dad, I have a question.' My words were louder than normal. I was sick of the scaredy-cat feelings I'd had all afternoon. I needed them cleared up once and for all.

'Okay.'

'Is Mum going to die when she has this baby?'

'Charlie!' sang out Coco. 'You can't ask that!'

'Far out,' said Josh. 'Way to bring up the panic level.'

But Dad just sat there with his eyebrows halfway up his forehead. 'Where'd you get that idea?'

'Well, for a start, she has to go to the hospital to have it. And that's in case she dies. Or the baby dies,' I added. 'Plus she's old. Like, really old. And people that old don't have babies without it being dangerous.'

Dad smiled, but it wasn't a relaxed smile. He looked like he had thoughts in his head he wasn't going to tell me. 'I'll be straight with you,' he said. 'Yes, Mum's old to have a baby. And yes, there are higher risk factors because of that. But she's got a great doctor and they're keeping a good eye on her. If anything even looks slightly tricky, they'll be all over it.'

I narrowed my eyes. 'You still didn't answer my question, though.'

Dad looked shifty. 'Really?'

'Yeah. Is Mum going to die?'

Coco let out a huge breath and looked away. Josh rolled his eyes.

Dad leaned in towards me. 'Sweetheart, no. I mean, okay, maybe there's a small chance of her dying. A bit like there's a chance of you falling off your horse when you jump.'

'No there's not. I stay on. I've never fallen off.'

Coco rolled her eyes. 'Yeah, you say that, until it happens. I fell off. I didn't die, though.'

'Oh, really?' Josh's voice was full of fake wonder. 'You didn't die? I thought you did.' Coco reached out and slapped his forehead, but I ignored them.

'A small chance?' I said to Dad.

'An infinitesimal chance. Who knows when anyone's going to die? But it's pretty unlikely she'll die when she has the baby because she'll be in the hospital, with great doctors and nurses and excellent care.' He put his hand out to cover mine. 'You okay?'

I nodded my head, but inside I felt like crying. 'How long does she have now? When's it due?'

'You really should say, "when's _she_ due?" you know. You're having a sister. We saw it on the ultrasound.'

The lump in my throat got bigger. I didn't want to say 'she'. That baby was an 'it', forcing its way into our lives, and making my mum sick. I forced the words out. 'When's she due?'

'Three more months. It's not long. And pretty soon, Mum will start to actually feel better. She should be up and around again. You'll see.'

I had one more question for Dad before I went to lie on my bed and look at my Champion ribbon again. 'What if Mum can't get to the hospital?'

'Why wouldn't she be able to?'

I shrugged. 'I don't know. Maybe the car breaks down?'

'If the car breaks down, we'll get an ambulance.' He smiled without hiding anything now. 'It's going to be fine. Don't worry. Where's my unfussable, unflappable Charlie-girl gone?'

I shrugged. Maybe the version of Charlie everyone seemed to have in their head wasn't as accurate as they all thought. Ever since Mum had gotten sick, I'd felt just a little bit crazy. Definitely not unflappable. Maybe it was Mum who made everything, and me, A-OK. Not having her there every day was turning me into some kind of weird, nervous disaster zone.

I went into Mum's room after dinner. I wanted to give her a hug, to tell her she'd be okay, and that I would try not to let anything happen to her, but she was asleep. I sat on the edge of the bed and tapped her on the shoulder. 'Mum?'

She stirred and half opened her eyes. Not in a good way. 'What? Charlie?'

'I just wanted to give you a hug.'

'Some other time,' she said, still half asleep. 'I'm so tired. Can you let me sleep?' She turned to the other side and adjusted her quilt. I stood up and looked at her for a minute, but she didn't move, and I crept out of the room.

Lying on my bed that night, with my purple and gold ribbon off the wall and draped over my knees, I forced Ness and the vet and Mum and the baby out of my head, and stared at the ribbon instead.

I liked the colour. I liked the felt it was made from, and the black letters printed on it. _Champion._ I liked the feeling I got when I won it; the excitement and heat of the show. I liked riding. No, I _loved_ riding. I even quite liked Cupcake. When she cooperated, she was almost on a level with Fozzles. I _really_ liked the idea that maybe Jake Smith might be at the next event. I'd forget about babies and hospitals and all that scary stuff. I'd think about what made me feel not-scared.

I sat up, swung my legs off the side of the bed and put my ribbon, folding it neatly, into my school bag. This was the thing that helped. This was the thing I'd take with me wherever I went. 

# 14

# Chapter 14

Mum was up and out of bed the next morning.

'Have you packed your bag, Charlie?' she asked. 'Coco. Do you have all your homework? Who wants eggs?'

We looked at her and then at each other. We'd been sorting ourselves out and getting our own breakfast for months. What was this?

I shrugged my shoulders and opened my mouth to speak, but Josh jumped in. 'Eggs? Yeah. I'm hungry.' He sat down at the table looking eager while Mum cracked eggs into a bowl and began to whip them up. Her face seemed happy.

'Are you feeling better?' I asked.

She flashed a smile, but it wasn't quite up to par with her old smiles. 'So far, so good. Anyway, it's terrible being in bed. I'm missing out on everything. Life.'

'Homework and breakfast,' said Josh. 'Not that much.'

'It _is_ that much,' said Mum, but then she put down the fork she was beating the eggs with. Her face looked grey again. 'Sorry, Josh. Do you mind?' She gestured at the stove. 'I just need to sit down.'

'I'll do it,' I said. 'You go back to bed.'

'I'm sorry. I'm really sorry. I thought I could.'

'It's okay. It's fine. Anyway, Josh is nearly sixteen. He should be making his own eggs.'

'Yeah, Josh,' said Coco. 'Make your own.'

I scrambled the eggs for Josh, who was not as grateful as I thought he should have been, and did myself a piece of toast and avocado before finding a school uniform that was mostly clean and at least half ironed. Coco stuck her nose up at me in the hallway. 'Hmmm,' she began, but Dad cut in. 'No time. You're nearly late already. Let's go.'

'It was the eggs,' I said over my shoulder to Josh, as we ran out the door and threw ourselves into the four wheel drive. 'You made us late.'

'You cooked them too slowly. Actually, you didn't cook them enough. Raw eggs. They would have failed you on Masterchef.'

I smiled and pretended to ignore him, reaching my hand into my bag and finding my purple and gold ribbon. I pulled it slightly out of my bag and fingered the felt. Mum couldn't even make eggs for us. It felt like she'd been away forever.

We got to the bus stop ten seconds before the bus pulled up, hissing and wheezing. I found a seat on my own and rested my forehead on the window, far away in my thoughts. When we finally pulled into the concrete set down area at school, I was surprised and had to scramble to get myself together, get my bag zipped up and get off the bus.

'You okay?' said Coco, falling in beside me on the long walk down the path into school. 'You seem odd.'

'You mean more odd than usual?' I smiled, but I was faking.

'Yeah. More than usual.'

She made a face at me, but I turned away from her. 'I'm okay.'

She left it at that, although I knew she wasn't satisfied. Coco liked to know what was going on. She'd be back once she'd spent enough time chatting with her friends, to find out what was really going through my mind.

'Coco!' It was a cry from one of the girls from across the quad--one of the ones Coco liked the most. Her name was Hannah, but Coco called her 'Hannie'. Hannah returned the favour with 'Cokie'. _Ugh_. Now Hannah was yelling again. 'Hugs!'

Coco held out her arms. 'Hugs!' And the two of them pretend-raced across to each other, where they gave each other a hug, with lots of patting and air kissing. I winced and scratched my nose. Here was another perfect demonstration of how, even if we looked alike, practically nobody would _ever_ mistake Coco and me for identical twins.

'They're so cute, aren't they?' came a voice beside me. I turned to see Baylor standing next to me, with her nice face on.

'Hum, I guess so.'

Baylor turned towards me and reached out towards my bag. 'You've got... something.' She pulled at it a bit. 'Sticking out. I can fix it.'

'Oh,' I said, as she pulled a little more, and adjusted the zipper. 'Thanks,' but then she took a step back. In her hand was my Champion ribbon, and before I knew it, on my face was a red blush of embarrassment.

'What's that?' she said. 'Is that the ribbon you won from the show?'

'Um, I guess.'

She made a strange, curious face at me and held it like it was dirty, dangling between her fingers. 'What are you carrying it around for?'

'Oh, 'I needed it for something.' I could feel my cheeks getting hotter, but I put them out of my mind and held my hand out towards Baylor. _Please give me the ribbon back._ She shrugged a little and put it back in my hand, her face a mix of something, I just didn't know what. 'Thanks. I've got to go.'

I headed for the girls' bathroom, splashed my face with water and let out a few deep breaths. I wasn't upset. I hardly even knew why I was embarrassed. I mean, there's nothing wrong with bringing a ribbon to school in your bag, right? I put it out of my mind and decided that I'd play soccer at both recess _and_ lunch that day.

It didn't happen. At least, not straight away. At lunch, Miss Baker, one of the PE teachers, and the one who organised all the inter-school sports comps, came looking for Baylor and me just after the bell rang, with notes in her hand.

'Girls,' she called. Our whole group stopped and waited for her to cross the quad. She walked fast, with really strong calf muscles. _She 'd make a good horse rider,_ I thought to myself.

'Baylor,' she said, when she got closer. 'And... Charlie, is it?' She looked at her piece of paper before speaking to me. 'Short for something?'

'No, Miss. Just Charlie.'

Miss Baker's eyebrows went up and she made a face like ' _Okay then '. _'Baylor and Charlie. And anyone else who's a horse rider, I suppose,' she said, looking around her. 'I've got the information for the Inter-schools equestrian competition. Baylor, you did this last year, didn't you?'

Baylor looked like she was trying to stifle a grin. She settled on a 'bored but cool' face. 'Yes, Miss.'

'She won it,' offered Hannah. 'The show jumping part.'

'Oh yes,' said Miss Baker. 'How could I forget?' I snuck a look at her face, but I couldn't tell what she was thinking. 'And Charlie, you ticked the box when you enrolled, for information. So here it is. Let me know if you girls need any help with anything, of course, but mostly it's up to you to get yourself there.'

She passed out some papers. I took some and Baylor took the rest. 'Thank you.'

'Yes, right. Thanks,' said Baylor.

Miss Baker raised her eyebrows and then her hand. 'Okay then,' she said, and walked off.

There was silence, then everyone was all over Baylor. 'When is it? What day? Do you think you can win? Of course she will, why wouldn't she?'

I took a deep breath in, then silently let it out. Then I put my bag on the ground and unzipped it. The purple and gold ribbon was sitting there on the top of all my stuff. I took it out and put it on my lap, hiding it slightly under some other things, and then pulled out a folder Mum had bought me right at the beginning of the year exactly for this purpose--to put school notes in. I placed the note in the folder, put the folder back in my bag, and then folded the ribbon up again, and put it in carefully on top. I didn't look up. Instead, I just picked up my bag and walked off to the oval and the year seven boys and their soccer game.

Later that night I looked at Facebook. I don't even know why I did it. Dad was reading his paper, Josh was watching something stupid on TV and Coco was trying to avoid her phone and focus on her maths homework.

'Is Mum okay?' I asked Dad.

He shook his head from behind the paper. 'Sleeping again.'

I made a bored face. Maybe I could talk to Tessa online. I opened up Facebook, sent her a quick 'hi' and waited for a bit, but got no reply. I decided to give her five more minutes and started scrolling down the feed. It was mostly the usual rubbish. Memes about dogs and dance moves, videos and pouty pictures from some of Coco's friends. Like for a like. Like for a message. Like for eternal friendship. _Yeah, right._ I forgot this was why I hardly ever go on Facebook. Maybe if people had original stuff to say, I'd be more interested.

I kept scrolling until Baylor's name flashed past my eyes. She'd written a lot. I scrolled back up and had a look.

'It really ticks me off when people think they're just so much better than everyone else. They think they're so smart and so talented, and such a good rider, but actually, they're just lucky beginners on average horses. It really ticks me off when people show off at school about how good they are, and try to get everyone to think that they're better than everyone else. People who show off like that are just attention seekers. And instead of letting it get to me, I'm just not even going to respond. Like, I don't need that kind of negativity in my life. I know who I am. I know what I'm worth. I'm just trying my best, and trying to be a good person. You can't bring me down, so don't even try, 'cos I'm gonna fly, okay.'

I read it. Then I read it again, with a cold feeling in my stomach. Was this me? Did Baylor really think I thought I was better than everyone else? I started to feel shaky. Josh's TV show was still going, and Dad was hidden behind the paper, with tiny snores starting to come from his general direction. I stood up and took the laptop with me to Coco's room.

'Look.' I put the laptop down on her bed and pointed at it. I didn't have anything else to say. 'Look at that.'

She put her head back and made a dog growl at me. 'Urrrrgh. I'm doing _this_ , okay? Do you want me to fail? I need to get it done. How come you're so quick anyway?'

'Just look. You have to see. It's Baylor.'

Coco sat up immediately. Her focus, which had seemed blurry when it came to her maths, appeared to be laser-sharp now. She read Baylor's status, then she read it again, and put her hand over her mouth.

'Is it me?' I asked. 'Is that who she's talking about?'

'It's you.' She shook her head slowly. 'No doubt. It's what happened today. I didn't catch all of it; I was with Hannah. But I heard a bit. She was mad at you about the ribbon in your bag. Then she said you snubbed her after the teacher gave you the notes.'

I made a face. 'I didn't. I was just bored, and sick of her showing off. I wanted to play soccer. Why is she even doing this?'

'She's causing a fight,' said Coco. Her eyes were intense and focused, like she was solving a really tricky puzzle. 'She wants to put you on the outs. She wants to make everyone think you're bad.'

'But why? I haven't done anything to her.' I grabbed my head and ruffled all my hair up. Some of it went over my face, and past my eyes. 'This is so crazy.'

'You're a good show jumper and she hasn't had any competition. Ever. Now you're winning and she can't handle it. She has to bring you down another way.'

'But I didn't do anything. I wasn't mean. I wasn't, like, _' Oh Baylor, you're so great',_ and being super nice to her like everyone else is, but I wasn't horrible either. I was just normal.' I shook my hair out of my eyes. 'Girls are nuts. Why can't they just be nice to each other?'

'What are you going to do?' asked Coco. 'Do you want me to do something? We could put her in her place. Get people on your side. We could make a Facebook group and talk about it.'

I shrugged. This was already too much drama. 'What's the point? I don't need this. I'll ignore it and it'll go away.'

I closed the computer and walked back into the lounge room. Dad was really snoring now. I chucked a pillow at him and he sprang to life.

'Sorry?' he said, and then settled back into his seat again. I threw myself down into the rocking chair and sat there for a while. I just didn't understand this kind of stuff. My question to Coco was genuine. Why couldn't we all just be nice to each other? Be normal. I didn't want Coco going in and making a fuss for me. I'd rather just pretend it didn't hurt me.

The truth, though, if anyone had asked me, was that it did hurt. I'd cried once this year. It had been the first time in a long time. And now, for the second time in a long time, I felt like crying again.

# 15

# Chapter 15

I put my ribbon back in my bag for school, but this time I put it right at the bottom of everything. There was no way it was going to fall out again. But there was also no way I was going to leave it behind. I needed it with me, whether something happened with Baylor or not.

Coco stroked my arm on the bus. 'It'll be okay. Just be cool.' She looked out the window. 'Oh, here we are.' Her head started craning around behind her. I guessed she was trying to see if Baylor had arrived yet.

'Also, be nice,' she said. 'You know, like...' She took a breath in and let it out, like she was trying to explain something to me. 'Like, try to fit in, okay?'

I gave her a look. 'I'm Charlie Franks. I'm fine. Just let it be.' I shrugged her hand off me and jogged off the bus.

Nothing happened.

At least, nothing happened that I noticed. There were no fights, no raised voices, no tears, no anythings. I said 'hi' to everyone and smiled, made sure I had shoelaces to tie and books to organise. At recess I ate with them, then went to play soccer, and at lunch I sat listening to their conversations about clothes and selfies and makeup and boys until the bell went.

Nothing.

Baylor was normal, as far as I could see, so I shrugged my shoulders and tried to shut Coco up. She was still trying to get in my ear and tell me to 'do something about it' and 'fix it' and 'fit in'. Finally, after about three trips to the bathroom in which she pretty much whispered non-stop to me, I told her to lay off.

'There is no problem, Coco. Seriously. It's fine, I'm fine, we're all fine. I did nothing and it's all gone away. Chill out.'

At home, I dumped my bags, cleared my head from school mode and headed out to ride with Cupcake down at Ness's place. She and Tessa were out for the afternoon, and James was with Coco as usual. Jumping was all I wanted to think about, and Cupcake was the only one I wanted to communicate with. We cleared a high rail ten times in a row and only quit when Cupcake was even more sweaty than me.

'Are you good?' I asked her. 'Are you too hot? We'll have to work harder at the next show.'

From across the side of the stall, Fozzles must have heard me and made a nickering noise. I poked my head around to say hello and she nuzzled into my cheek. Her tummy looked seriously huge. Was she going to keep stretching and stretching until the foal just burst right out of her? My skin felt weird just thinking about it.

Mum was also looking pretty massive when I went back in to the house for dinner. She was up and eating with us, but had to run to the bathroom during dessert, so she went back to bed after. We were all kind of used to it, really.

Dad called out to her from the table. 'You right, love?' and we listened for her weak, 'Yeah,' before we kept eating, but no one did anything else. Not even me.

I felt bad when I finally got into bed after finishing my homework and cleaning up Dad's terrible attempts at kitchen duty. I'd tried to say goodnight to Mum, but she was already asleep. Her blankets had to cover a much bigger lump in the bed these days, and again, my skin felt weird. The idea that there was another person inside her made me feel creeped out.

I was even more creeped out when I thought about the fact that I'd been in there too once. It was double creepy to think that I'd been in there with Coco and I shuddered. _Eeew._ There were some things you just shouldn't think about because they're gross.

And there were some things you shouldn't think about because they're scary.

Like death rates for women who have babies after the age of forty. I'd spent some time secretly googling after Ness told me all that stuff about vets and hospitals and births that can go wrong. Dad's answers, while I'm sure he thought he was being up front and reassuring, didn't really cut it for me. I needed proof everything was going to be alright, not just my Dad's say so.

First I typed in, 'Will my mum die having a baby?' and nearly freaked out. Apparently, at forty-seven, she was a 'high risk' mother and there were about ten gamillion things that could go wrong. I shut my computer super quick and went in to see her, but I couldn't tell her why I was nearly crying because I figured it would just make her upset too, so I had to make up a story about how I hit my knee on the fence and it really hurt. She was nice, and tried to look for a bruise, but of course it was made up.

Anyway, just seeing her with that tummy sticking out made me too terrified to even sit and chat with her, so I made up some reason to leave the room--putting ice on the fake bruise, I think--and got out of there.

I'd been feeling guilty ever since.

Every day I had the same two thoughts buzzing around at the back of my brain, regardless of what else I was doing. One, would Fozzles be okay? And two, would Mum be okay? They cycled around and around and wouldn't let me go. Sometimes it was just the words. Other times there were pictures that went with them--pictures of Mum in hospital, or me crying, or Fozzles lying on the floor and not being able to get up.

I tried super hard but I couldn't dislodge them. They were there, eating little bits off the edges of my happiness. _Nibble, nibble, nibble. Chew, swallow, spit._

I didn't like it.

The only thing that seemed to get them to at least be a bit quieter was thinking about _you know who_ again. The pinching had worked for a while, but then he came back, complete with his very own PowerPoint presentation in my brain. It replayed all the pictures of the times I'd ever seen him--the first glimpse across the fence at the show, him walking down the road from the slushie stall--in slow motion sometimes--and his profile picture and name from his Facebook page. It made my heart go quicker and my hands get sweaty. Sometimes I even imagined him talking to me. My brain had somehow created some kind of imaginary footage of him and me in a conversation, except I could actually see myself (which obviously wouldn't be possible in real life).

The other thing that was weird about it was that I never got to hear what we were actually saying. I had no idea if he was talking about the footy and the team he supported or if he was asking me if I liked hot chips. Or whatever.

I didn't want to think about Jake Smith because it made me feel weird. Kind of like I wasn't myself. I mean, I'm Charlie Franks. I never worried about what other people think of me. At least, not until this point. Now, everything was different. Now, even though I said to myself that I didn't care about him, I just _knew_ if Jake Smith ever actually spoke to me, _and didn 't like me_, my life might be over.

At least, I would probably cry in my bed for possibly three days. Or more.

Probably more.

The whole idea was terrifying.

So I was stuck between worrying about my mum and my horse dying, or worrying that Jake Smith might not like me. Neither option was great, but it was understandable that I was going to pick Jake Smith, even if it made me into some kind of cranky, weird-feeling mess all day. Packing my Champion ribbon into my bag in the morning was the only thing that made everything start to be even a little bit okay.

I couldn't tell Mum about any of this. I didn't feel like I could tell Coco because she'd just have teased me, and I didn't feel like I could tell Ness either. She'd just try to convince me that everything was going to be okay, and I wasn't so sure I wanted to be convinced. Better to talk to Ness about horse stuff. On that topic, at least, we were on the same page. Plus, she was entering me in one more competition. It was another show in a bigger town about two hours' drive away.

'Good practice for Inter-schools,' she said to me when she first told me about it. 'The competition's pretty tough, but I think you can do it.'

At four am, on show day, with Cupcake already groomed and braided and rugged up, waiting for Ness to arrive with the float, I was getting dressed for competition. We had a collection of jackets and jodhpurs now, cobbled from various places and people who'd given us some hand-me-downs.

Normally I just pulled out whatever was on the top of the pile, or first hanging in the cupboard, without even turning on the lights, but that morning, Jake Smith popped into my head. I tried to swat him out, but he stayed, resolutely having opinions about what I was going to wear.

I swallowed hard and thought of Baylor and her super cute jackets. _I should change mine_ , I thought. _Definitely_. But which one should I pick? Coco might have helped me, but at four am, I wasn't willing to run the risk of waking her up.

I pulled out all the jackets. Which one would Coco think was best? How would I possibly know?

In the end I chose a black one. It had a small stain on it, but I figured no one would notice, with all the dust and muck and everything that got all over us at shows. And black seemed like a pretty safe choice. Coco might even approve.

It was a long drive down the coast. Tessa sat in the front with Ness and seemed sleepy, so I had the back seat of the Pajero to myself, trying not to think too hard. Now Mum, Fozzles and Jake were disappearing from the centre of my head, and Baylor was taking their place again and, with her, enough nervous feelings to make me think about vomit and the possibility of asking Ness to stop the car. I opened my window instead, breathed deeply and then reached down into the bag I'd packed, and touched my ribbon.

'You'll be fine, right?' said Ness, over her shoulder from the front.

'Yeah, 'course.'

'Tessa said that Coco told her you'd been getting a bit of grief from that Baylor girl.'

I shrugged. 'A bit. I'm just ignoring it.'

'Good choice. She's a bit of a princess. Can't handle having someone around who's as good as she is.'

'Better,' said Tessa, indignantly. 'Charlie's heaps better than her.'

'Not heaps,' I said, embarrassed. 'I've beaten her once.'

'Yeah, and you'll beat her again today, won't she, Mum?'

Ness laughed. 'Who knows what's going to happen? All I know is, Charlie will do her best. She always does.'

The weather had turned from stinking hot at the previous shows to humid, with patchy bits of rain. Tessa and I left our bags beside the car and swapped between riding in the events and holing up in the float, reading and chatting. A few hours later, when we got too hungry to resist the wafting smells of gozleme and pizza that were baking in one of the stalls, we headed out to feed our growling tummies.

'There she is again,' said Tessa, seeing Baylor walking towards us with a slushie in her hand. 'I mean, I don't go to school with her, but I can tell she's just like, the biggest show-off ever.'

I shrugged my shoulders. I thought it, but I didn't want to say it. 'She's okay.'

'Seriously? She's so mean. Coco told me. And you're so nice. I don't know how you can even stand her.'

As Baylor passed us, Tessa made a big point of turning her head right away and sniffing loudly.

'Don't,' I said when she'd passed, and Tessa and I turned ourselves to watch Baylor walk away from us. 'She'll just get meaner. And I don't care, really.'

'Look at her,' said Tessa, with disdain in her voice. 'I mean, look.'

I did look. But what I saw wasn't what Tessa probably saw, which was Baylor's new jacket, and super shiny riding boots and matching everything, and slick dark hair. What I saw was something gold and purple, hanging out of Baylor's bag off her shoulder. It was the same colours as my Champion ribbon, and it had black letters on it.

I pulled my bag off my shoulder and dug into it, reaching my hand right around the bottom of it, grabbing at anything I could feel.

'What are you doing?' said Tessa. 'Did you lose something?'

I ran to the side of the path, onto a patch of grass and dumped everything out of my bag. Out fell my wallet, a jumper, a book and other bits and pieces I'd shoved in there last night.

Everything except my ribbon.

'I'm not hungry,' I told Tessa. 'You go. I've got to go back to the float.' I scrabbled everything back into my bag, threw it over my shoulder, and started back down the path after Baylor. She wasn't far in front of me and I was going pretty fast, but I didn't want to catch up with her just yet. Instead I wanted to see what I'd seen before. Had my eyes been playing tricks on me? Maybe I was seeing purple and gold everywhere I went. I just had to be sure.

My feet crunched on the gravel path beneath me and I was breathing hard. Baylor had shifted her bag on her back so that I could only see one side of it. I tried to crane my head around so I could get the other side in view, but it didn't work.

_Maybe not,_ I said to myself, and stopped, just when I was about ten metres behind her. _I imagined it._

Just then, the wind blew. It created a cloud of dust around my feet, whipped my ponytail around my face, and put a shudder through my clothes. It also caught a little tail of a purple something poking out of Baylor's bag. I narrowed my eyes. The something fluttered and danced behind Baylor, like a bird showing off its feathers. Purple, gold and white. A Champion ribbon. I was sure of it. Baylor was carrying a Champion ribbon. And mine was missing.

I ran back to the float and found Ness looking for me, frantic. 'They've just started calling you for the next event. Where's Tessa?'

I pointed towards the gozleme stall. 'Up there. I'll get her.'

'No.' Ness almost shouted. 'You get ready.'

Ness ran up the path to find Tessa and I went to get Cupcake. My head was spinning, and my breath was coming fast.

'Come on, girl,' I said to her. 'We're on.' I pulled myself on to the saddle, and pressed my legs together. 'Walk.' As we headed towards the entrance gate to the arena, I could tell Cupcake was tetchy. I'd done everything too fast and hadn't calmed her down enough.

I gathered my thoughts, and tried to slow down my breathing. I'd sort out the ribbon later. Right now, we just had to compete.

'Good girl,' I said to her, letting my shoulders lower and my neck get relaxed. 'It'll be okay.'

She calmed down and we went into the arena together and began to take the jumps. One, over. Two, over. Three, over. And then we rode around to the fourth jump. As we took the corner, out of the side of my eye, I saw something I really didn't want to see. It was something that made my heart go fast, my hands slip with sweat, and my knees buckle. Beneath me, Cupcake must have felt my anxiety rise. She got upset. She reared up, her front legs in the air; I pulled back on the reins, and she twisted away from the pressure. It didn't work. She threw me off.

I landed on my back, on the ground, with the sky spinning above me.

_Ooof._

_Ouch._

It wasn't Cupcake's fault. It was mine.

Jake Smith got in my eye line, and I was off my horse.

# 16

# Chapter 16

I fell out of a tree when I was six. I misjudged a branch I was reaching for and missed it, landing half on my knees and half on my side. It winded me and for a moment I couldn't breathe. It was bad. But this was worse.

Way worse.

For a moment, everything went black and there was a really loud ringing in my ears, like my brain had kind of shifted in my head. When the noise subsided I opened my eyes and saw only stars and brightness, so I closed them again. They told me later I was out for three minutes or so. When I didn't get up after half a minute, Ness was over the fence, running out to me, while Tessa was sent to catch Cupcake, who apparently ended up prancing around looking a little bit foolish.

'You okay?' Ness's voice broke into my ear-ringing. I tried the opening eye thing again, to see her face staring right down at me. 'The ambo's here. Don't move.' She stepped back, and there was a flash of blue sky and a blink before another face stared down into mine.

'Charlie, is it?' It was a man with a deep voice. 'I'm Rob, the ambulance officer. Do you know what happened?'

I opened my mouth and closed it again. I wasn't about to tell Rob I came off my horse because I saw a boy at the fence.

'Charlie?' Rob's voice was still calm. 'Can you talk?'

'Yes.' At least that question was easier. My voice sounded like it didn't quite belong to me though.

'Can you tell me what day it is today?'

'Saturday. The show.' I moved my arm up to my face stiffly. My nose was itchy.

'Good stuff,' he said. 'What's your horse's name?'

'Fozzles. I mean, Cupcake.' I saw a question flit across Rob's face, and then heard Ness's voice explaining it to him.

'She was riding Cupcake today. Her horse is at home.'

'Cool.' He seemed relieved. 'You've moved your arm. Can you move the other one?'

I lifted my other hand up from the ground and put it down again. It worked. My legs worked too, both of them, and my head lifted up as well. As I brought it up, I looked around me to see practically half of the people at the whole show gathered in a group around me. The other half, still sitting in the stands, had their heads turned towards me as well.

_Great. How embarrassing._

'I'm going to help you to sit up now,' said Rob. 'When you feel ready.'

I felt ready. The quicker I got off the ground and back onto Cupcake, the better. 'Can I finish my round? I don't want to lose the points.'

Rob raised his eyebrows and I heard Ness laughing behind me. 'I think you're probably done for the day, kiddo. Sit up with me on the count of three, okay?'

As I came off the grass, my head felt dizzy for a few moments.

'How's that?' asked Rob. 'Bit strange?'

'A bit.' But the dizziness passed and a few minutes later I was able to walk off the arena with Rob on one side and Ness on the other, to cheers and applause.

'They never clap that much when you win.' I forced the words out and gave Ness a wry smile.

'They're just glad you're not dead,' said Ness. 'As am I. It would have been awkward explaining that one to your mum and dad.'

She sat me down on a camp chair next to the float. 'Tessa's sorting out Cupcake. She'll get her a drink. I think we'll go home after that. You need a rest.'

Rob was fine to let me go home once he'd taken my blood pressure and poked me in different places to make sure I wasn't somehow turning into a paralysed mess. Ness let me lie down on the back seat, with Tessa in the front.

'You okay?' said Tessa, constantly, turning around to look at me. 'I couldn't believe it when I saw you go off.'

'Give her a break, Tessa,' said Ness. 'Everyone comes off sometime.'

'I know. But not Charlie.'

It was a long trip home, mostly because Ness didn't want to drive too fast and jolt me, even though I assured her I wasn't really bruised, but the further we went and the more I stiffened up, I knew I was definitely going to come out in black, blue and green the next day.

Despite me protesting, Ness and Tessa said they'd look after Cupcake, getting her into the paddock and putting her stuff away in the shed, and would drop me off at the house on the way. They even offered to walk me in, but I refused.

'It's okay.' I didn't want any fuss. I limped in, my bag on my back and my jacket a dishevelled mess, hanging down off my shoulder.

There was fuss.

'What happened to you?' Coco noticed me first. She swung her head around like she couldn't believe what she was seeing. I must have looked pretty terrible, because I can't ever remember her face looking quite so shocked at my appearance, not even the time we were supposed to go to a party in year six and I chose my oldest t-shirt and worst shorts, because they'd said we were having a water fight. Coco made me change to a dress and a stupid pair of sandals that kept making me slip on the wet tiles.

'Did you get run over by a truck?' said Josh. His face looked amused. 'Like, a big truck. With hay falling out of it?'

'Dad, look at Charlie,' said Coco, still with disbelief all over her face. 'What happened?'

I found my words. 'I was chucked off.'

'Chucked off?' said Coco. 'What do you mean?'

'Chucked off my horse.'

'By Cupcake?'

'Who else?'

Dad stood up, like he'd just realised something was happening. 'Charlie? Are you hurt?'

'No.' But then something happened to me. Tears came welling up out of my eyes, without any warning, and without any stopping. 'I'm fine.' But there was water all over my face and my nose was starting to run.

'Sit down,' said Dad. 'You've had a shock. Did you get checked over by someone? Do we need to take you to hospital?'

'I'm not going to hospital,' I said fiercely, and stopped, surprised by myself. 'The ambo guy, Rob. He said I was okay. Is Mum here?'

'Mum's in bed. She had a headache this afternoon and needed to sleep. Here.' He held out a tissue to me. 'You'll be fine.'

'I know.' I held it up to my eyes, but the crying didn't stop. I blinked hard and managed to stop the tears coming out of my eyes, but I could feel them making puddles in my throat.

I looked over at Coco, who seemed stunned, just sitting on the edge of the sofa, almost frozen. 'I just came straight off the back of Cupcake. Landed right on my back.'

Coco swallowed hard. 'Were you calm enough? If you're calm, she'll do anything for you.'

I looked at her and blinked, and the pool of tears in my throat turned into a volcano that came pouring out of my mouth.

'Calm enough? Of course I was calm enough. And even if I wasn't calm enough, it wasn't my fault. You said you'd be there at every event if I rode Cupcake. Maybe if you'd been there, like you promised, this wouldn't have happened.'

Coco's face went white and then red, but my words wouldn't stop.

'Or maybe if you spent enough time with Cupcake in general, she'd be a better horse. You're supposed to have this amazing bond and everything, but I hardly see you out there with her, and I've got to be super calm all the time, even though everything else is going wrong, and Baylor and my ribbon, and then stupid Jake Smith turns up?' Now I wasn't even making sense. I took a swipe at my eye with the tissue. 'Far out. It's hard enough just to ride, let alone look after an edgy horse.'

My voice was loud and Dad was just kind of standing there, looking like he didn't know what to do. Coco, on the other hand, knew exactly what to do. She launched in at me, her face red and her words breathless.

'Sounds to me like someone didn't pay attention to what they were doing. Can't blame Cupcake for that, can we? And Baylor, again. I told you that you should have sorted that out, but no, you said you were fine. Fine, fine, fine. You're not fine. And if you were fine, and the great rider and champion and winner that you keep wanting to be, why can't you keep your mind on what you're doing?'

I gasped. 'I am good. You know I am. It wasn't my fault.'

'Well, it wasn't my fault.' She shook her head at me. 'And it wasn't Cupcake's fault either. If you don't want to ride her, don't.'

'I wouldn't have chosen her, you know that,' I nearly yelled. 'But Fozzles is pregnant. And that's not my fault.'

'Well, it's not my fault that Fozzles is pregnant either,' yelled back Coco. 'I shut that gate.'

There was a silence. On the other side of the room, I saw Josh raise his eyebrows and grin.

'You what?' I said.

Coco swallowed. 'I said I shut the gate. The gate between the two paddocks. The one with George Michael in it.'

I looked at her. 'So it was you.'

She hung her head, then she sat down. She looked white in the face. 'Maybe. I don't think so. But maybe. I always shut it, but then one time I noticed it was swinging a bit. I had to go back and do it again. Maybe George Michael got in that time and got Fozzles, you know...' Her voice drifted off.

'Pregnant.' I said the word. 'Got Fozzles pregnant.'

'Fozzles might have chucked you off,' tried Coco, lamely.

'She never would have. Not ever.' I walked over to the kitchen bin and put my wet tissue into it. 'And I'm fine. Don't worry about me.'

I stomped outside onto the deck. Mum was still asleep, or at least, pretending to be. I don't know how she could have kept sleeping through my outburst. Through the window to the lounge room, out of the corner of my eye, I saw Josh take out his phone and Coco sit back on the sofa. She looked like she was out of breath. Dad still looked lost.

I would have to be fine. There was only a month to the Inter-schools event. Not only did I still need to train, now I'd have to recover from whatever horrible bruise I woke up with tomorrow morning. I'd have to also totally put stupid Jake Smith out of my mind, and I'd have to get my Championship ribbon back from Baylor somehow.

All that in just a month.

I ran through the timeline I'd been focusing on for the last few weeks. I needed to win at Inter-schools if I wanted to get to State. If I could do that, I'd be on track. Then, more training. Two weeks after Inter-schools, the baby would be born, and then, finally, I'd get Mum back, just in time to get to State.

I sat down gingerly in the deck chair. Things hurt--my arms, my back and my bottom. There would probably be more pain tomorrow. It hadn't been a good day, and it was going to be a hard month. The only good news in the whole thing was that Fozzles' baby was nearly here. Sometime in the next three weeks, Ness had told me yesterday. She had already set up the foal alarm on Fozzles, and had the buzzer next to her in bed at night. She'd promised she'd call me when it went off.

I stood up and moved carefully to the other side of the deck, where I could see Fozzles and Cupcake both grazing in the paddock down the hill. Fozzles, all roly poly enormous, was flicking tails with Cupcake and I felt cross. They shouldn't be friends. No one should be friends with Cupcake.

'I hate her.' The words formed on my lips without me even trying to say them. 'I hate Cupcake,' I said to myself, even though I knew I had to ride her again. Cupcake was my only option for getting to Inter-schools and beyond. But I didn't want to touch her. I didn't want to get up on her back. I didn't want to jump with her.

Not ever again.

# 17

# Chapter 17

Coco came into my room later. I was in bed, still cranky, and getting more and more achy every hour.

She closed the door behind her, and then stood next to it, against the wall, like she didn't want to intrude. 'I'm sorry.'

'I know.' I shifted my position and set off a dull pain in my back.

'No, I really am.' She came over and sat on my bed. 'I'm actually apologising to you, okay? So don't pretend it's all fine and it doesn't matter. This is a totally authentic Coco Franks apology. Dad didn't even make me do it. You should enjoy this.'

I looked at her through narrowed eyes. 'Alriiiight...'

'Here it is. I'm sorry I didn't stay with you and Cupcake. I should have. I should have known Cupcake needed me there. I said I would and I didn't, and this is what's happened.' Her voice was rushed and her face was flushed and I could tell from the way she was pulling her lips over her teeth, something she only did when she was nervous, that she was genuine.

'It's okay,' I began, but she rushed in again, over me.

'I'm also sorry for the other thing.' Her face got redder.

'What other thing?' I said, puzzled.

'You know. Getting Fozzles pregnant.'

I laughed. 'Um, you didn't?'

She hung her head. 'I didn't shut the gate. I knew I didn't shut it. Ness told me not to let George Michael in that other paddock one time, and I totally didn't do it. I only remembered it when it was too late.' She made a face. 'Obviously.'

It clicked. I grinned. 'That's why you were so quick to offer Cupcake, isn't it? It seemed really unlike you to be so generous.'

Coco seemed offended. 'I'm always generous. James says I am.'

'James is in love with you.' I laughed at her. 'I've lived with you for fourteen years.'

She sniffed. 'Well, anyway. Out of my apparently un-generous heart I've just apologised to you. A double apology. So you can take it or chuck it. Your choice.'

I sat up and hugged her. 'I take it. But my back hurts, so don't touch me. I'm going to be all colours of bruises at school on Monday.' But the thought of school made my face drop. 'Can you see my bag on the floor over there?'

She leaned off the bed, stretched out to pick my bag up for me and dumped it on my knees. I winced, and lay back on the pillows. 'Ow. Can you check in there for something for me?'

Coco dug into the bag. 'What is it?'

I turned my head to the side so she wouldn't see the embarrassment on my face. 'It's that ribbon I won. The Champion one. Purple and gold.'

If Coco gave me a look I didn't see it. I just waited, looking at the wall, while she sorted through my stuff.

'Eeewww,' she said, pulling out an old t-shirt and chucking it at my face. 'That stinks.'

I threw it back at her, without looking. 'I'm putting it in the wash later.'

'Yeah, but that's really bad. Anyway, why are you still even wearing it? I thought we got rid of that one like, two months ago. We went through your clothes, remember?'

I did remember. She'd insisted on making two piles of my things, one for keeping, and one for getting rid of, passing her own unique Coco-judgement on about five t-shirts of mine that were still perfectly fine. She put them in a bag for Dad to take to the op shop later but what she didn't know was that I took the bag back quietly once she'd moved her passion for fashion onto some other victim (poor James) and put the shirts back in my cupboard without telling her.

'Whatever. I don't know. Is the ribbon there though?'

Coco emptied the entire bag all over my doona and shook her head. 'I can't see it. But you have some filthy rubbish in here. Plus it smells like horse. You seriously need to clean up more.' She clucked over the contents of my bag, picking out dirty socks and separating notebooks from horse brushes. I didn't care, though. My ribbon wasn't in the bag, and it definitely wasn't in my room. There was only one place it could be, and I didn't know how I was going to get it back.

Not from Baylor.

'You okay?' Coco's voice cut into my thoughts. She must have noticed I'd gone quiet.

'Yep,' I said, automatically. But then, 'No. Not really.'

'Your back?'

'That. Plus other stuff.'

'What stuff? Not being able to put your dirty socks away?' She laughed at me, and I knew, right then, that Baylor was something I'd have to handle myself. Coco wouldn't get it. She'd rush in, make a big fuss and create a 'thing' out of something that didn't need to be anything. No, I'd do it myself.

'Mostly tiredness. I forgive you for George Michael, but only if you put my stuff in the wash. I need to sleep.'

She grinned and collected not only the dirty socks off my bed, but the sweaty t-shirt I'd thrown at her, plus some jodhpurs and a jacket off the floor.

'I'm glad you're not dead,' she said, as she went out the door. 'Oh, and I forgot to ask you.' She stuck her head back in, grinning. 'You said Jake Smith was there.'

'Pffft. So what? It didn't do me much good.'

'I'm going to introduce you. I'm going to find a way.'

'I'm going to kill you. I already know a way.'

She laughed and turned out my light. 'Go to bed, injured girl.'

I slept. It wasn't hard. With all the pain and the fatigue that was taking over my body, I simply shut my eyes and, _bam,_ went straight to sleep land. __

But it didn't last. Two seconds later (at least, that's what it felt like, although it must actually have been hours later, because it was really dark) Dad was in my room, shaking my shoulder. 'Charlie, Charlie, get up.'

I waved my hand around my head like I was shooing away a fly. 'No, no,' I garbled. 'I asleep.'

He didn't give up. 'Charlie, you need to get up.' He walked over to the light switch and flicked on the lights. The brightness in my eyes felt actually physically painful. I sat up in dismay, and then groaned. Everything still hurt, and even more now that I was stiff.

'Are you...' I would have added 'crazy' but something stopped me. After Coco was so rude to Dad last year, and I saw how upset it made him, I'd sworn to myself to never to be rude to him. It seemed my brain could even manage manners in the middle of the night. I blinked a few times, and then it came to me. 'The baby. It's coming.'

Dad looked confused for a second, but then I saw understanding flash over his face. 'Yes, the baby foal. Ness rang me. The alarm went off and she's on her way up. She told me to wake you... and hurry.'

I scrambled out of bed, even though scrambling in this case was more like stiffly creaking my arms and legs out from under the doona and wobbling off the bed. Getting dressed felt terrible. All my clothes felt like I was trying to fit thick wooden boards to my body, expecting them to be comfy. After a short fight with track pants and a jumper, I pulled on the easiest thing I could find--Mum's dressing gown that I'd stolen from her room two months ago, mostly because it wrapped around me almost as well as one of her hugs. Plus, it was warm. I could tell the night air was going to be cold.

Dad and I pulled on boots, and he grabbed a flashlight from the laundry.

'It might be over already. They're pretty quick, if everything goes well.'

A shiver went through my shoulders and I boosted my speed behind him. We hardly needed the flashlight, the moon was so bright, and I was able to see my way down the farm through the clumpy grass, all the way to a small pen Ness had set up in the paddock just last week.

In the pen, Fozzles was lying down on her side.

'Ssssh,' said Ness when she saw us coming. Her longest gumboots were pulled on over her jeans and she had what looked like rubber gloves on her hands. 'No noise.'

I tried to tiptoe, but it was hard with boots and sore legs and a bruised back. 'Can we pat her? Is she okay?'

'She's fine.' Ness's voice was a whisper. 'She just needs to be left alone. If she needs help, I'll pull the baby out. You just stand over there.'

Dad and I parked ourselves five metres or so from the side of the pen and stood, shivering and watching in the dark.

'Do you think she's too cold?' I whispered to Dad. 'I can't see much.'

'You'll see everything in a minute,' he said. He was right. Fozzles stood up with a grunt and turned around so that her tail was closest to us. Poking out of her, just below her tail, was a white, weird looking something, almost like a balloon.

'Oh!' I said, with surprise. 'What is that?'

Ness appeared beside me so quietly I nearly jumped. 'That's the first part of the foal. The front hooves and the head come out first. The rest will come soon.'

'Front hooves? Seriously?' I put my arms up so my hands were near my face and tried to imagine sliding out of somewhere in that position. 'That's so cool.'

Fozzles gave another grunt, turned around twice, and then sat down heavily on the grass and straw Ness had put out for her.

'This will be it,' said Ness. She stepped forward, watching intently. I grabbed Dad's hand, almost without realising.

Fozzles started to take a breath, and then kind of pushed on the breath out, one after the other, in a regular rhythm. Every time she pushed, a bit more of the foal came out.

'But it doesn't look like a foal,' I whispered. 'That stuff's all over it.' I let go of Dad's hand and pointed at the white balloon thing, which now looked like an empty, wet water balloon, clinging to the foal. I had a sudden, terrified thought. 'It's not going to suffocate, is it?'

Dad shook his head. 'No. It's normal. Don't worry.'

'Okay.' But my arms felt tense and I noticed my hands were clenching a bit.

Fozzles snorted, but now instead of the foal inching out when she pushed, nothing happened.

Ness looked at her watch. 'I'm going to help her. She's slowing down.'

She let herself into the pen and gave Fozzles a pat on the muzzle. 'It's okay. Let's pull this baby out.' She took herself down to where the foal was half out; a slimy piece of wet membrane, shining in the moonlight.

'That's it. Push,' she said to Fozzles, and when Fozzles breathed and pushed, Ness pulled.

_Not too hard,_ I thought to myself, dancing up and down a little, with nerves. _Don 't hurt it._

Fozzles breathed and pushed again, and Ness pulled again. 'Nearly there. One more.'

Fozzles gave another breath and push, and Ness pulled one more time, and this time the whole foal slid out onto the grass and straw below.

'Oh!' I cried. I had no other words. 'Oh, oh, oh!'

It was tiny and wet, and covered in goo, but it was already strong and alive. It sat there, unable to really move, but clearly wanting to get up. You could see it. It moved its head and tried to move its legs, and looked towards Fozzles, who was still sitting in the same position.

'Is she going to get up?' I said to Dad.

'Soon. She'll rest, and then she'll stand.' He looked at me, amused. 'It's hard work, you know, having a baby.'

I hardly heard him. We must have stood there for quite a while, because later Ness said it took half an hour for Fozzles to stand up, but it felt like nothing at all. My eyes were on the foal, who was breaking out of the membrane. It was the most beautiful thing I'd ever seen, and I could hardly breathe, as I watched its little muscles tensing and flexing and its little eyes looking around.

'Look, it's watching us,' I said to Dad and, at that very moment, Fozzles struggled to her feet and began to lick her baby. There were tears in my eyes. 'Oh!' I said again, just because I needed to say something. My heart was beating fast, my throat had a lump in it, and my feet wanted to spring up out of my boots and fly. 'It's so beautiful. I can't believe it.'

'She's so beautiful,' said Ness, correcting me. 'Your foal is a filly. A little girl.'

'And she's okay? And Fozzles? Is she okay too?'

'Have a look at her.' She was smiling. 'She looks great.'

Fozzles was licking and neighing and nickering over the baby. She looked as happy as a horse can look. I reached in to give her a hug, but Ness stopped me. 'Give her a bit of time. She needs to focus on the foal first. You'll have lots of hugs tomorrow, with both of them.'

I stepped back a little. I was disappointed, but I understood. 'I think it is tomorrow.' The sky had gone from black to grey to the faintest tinge of pink. You could still see the moon, a silver circle above us, but it was getting lighter.

'What are you going to call her, Coco?' asked Ness.

'You mean I get to choose?'

'Of course. She's your foal.'

I thought for a moment. I looked up at the sky, now starting to curl orange on the edges, the grass, covered in dew, and the moon, nearly finished for the night.

'Mika. Mika, for moon. Because it's the first thing she saw when she was born.' I didn't add what I really wanted to say, which was, 'and because she's a light'. It sounded stupid to say out loud, but I meant it inside.

Just then, almost the second after I said her name, Mika struggled to her feet, on her little, tiny legs, wobbling and bracing, and trying so bravely to keep upright and meet her mummy. Fozzles licked her and nuzzled her and the two of them were so beautiful that, standing out there, watching all this, I didn't even feel the pain in my back or my arms or my legs. It had disappeared. Fozzles and Mika were the important ones. All the troubles of the day now seemed tiny.

Things would be fine tomorrow. 

# 18

# Chapter 18

I gave up the ribbon. As I stood, watching little Mika wobble and balance that first day, imprinting on her like Ness showed us, with lots of hugs and touching, I imagined myself letting the ribbon go; allowing it to slip from my hand and fly, purple and gold, in the breeze across the trees, into a different place.

If Baylor wanted it, she could have it. I still loved it and it wasn't that I didn't think it mattered anymore; it did. But I knew I didn't want to get upset, cause a fight or go to any trouble to get it back. At school, I smiled at Baylor, told everyone I was alright after the fall, and went back to playing soccer at lunch time.

Things were fine.

The other thing I did was get back on Cupcake. It took a week for my bruises to go down, which was probably just about the right amount of time to get back my courage. I'd never thought that getting back on a horse after a fall would be difficult. It probably wouldn't have been if the horse was Fozzles. But this was Cupcake we were talking about.

'You've got to help me,' I said to Coco from the door of her room. 'Like you promised.' She was lying on her bed, eating a packet of chips and reading a magazine. I was insistent. 'I'm not riding her without you.'

She turned her face to me. 'This is not the Charlie I know and love. You're normally all gung ho. Back on the horse! Keep going! Never give up!' She made some enthusiastic hand gestures to illustrate the point.

I wrinkled my nose. 'Older. Wiser. And plus, falling off hurt. Just help me, okay?'

She shrugged and went back to her magazine. 'Whatevs. Okay.'

We went out that afternoon. Coco gave my jodhpurs and dirty-ish t-shirt the evil eye. 'What are you wearing at the Schools comp?' she said as she pulled on her boots. Her voice had an edge to it.

'It's got to be a school blazer; the instructions said. And under it, the usual stuff. White joddys. Chaps. And that shirt of Ness's. If it's clean, I mean.'

Coco's face was unimpressed. 'Your chaps are yuck. Really scruffy. And you need a new shirt. Something more...' she rolled her eyes, 'up to date.'

'It's perfectly okay.'

'It's perfectly not. It's a hand-me-down from Ness from about twenty-five years ago. Baylor had a shirt that looked awesome. And have you seen her chaps? They're gorgeous. You need something like them.'

I made a face. 'Seriously. It's a shirt and some material you fasten around your legs.'

'Leather.'

'Well, not mine. Leather's the expensive stuff. Anyway, it's not a fashion parade. It's a show jumping competition. They're looking at how you ride.'

'Not everyone.' Coco winked at me. 'Not,' and she mouthed a word that looked suspiciously like 'Jake'.

'Stop it.' I slapped her arm. 'I'm done with all that.'

'Ja-ake,' she half-sang. 'Ja-ake and Char-lie.'

'Seriously. You're like a twelve year old,' but I felt my face getting red. I turned away to hide it. 'Just come help calm this horse down, okay?'

We caught Cupcake and saddled her up. I was nervous, but with Coco there, she was perfect. She was calm, beautiful and fast, and she didn't put a foot wrong.

'I'll take her down past the creek and back,' I said to Coco, but from the look on her face, I could tell she was dubious.

'Really? She still hates the water.'

'She should be fine. Come on, Cupcake.' I pressed in with my knees to get her to move and she slipped into a medium paced canter, down the paddock, past Fozzles and Mika, who were grazing in another fenced off area, near the horse shed Dad had just finished putting up. 'For shelter,' he'd told us. 'In the rain, a foal needs a place to go.'

I'd laughed at him. 'It hasn't rained for ages. She'll be a year old before it rains again.'

It was a six or seven minute ride to the creek, the halfway point between our property and Ness's place. And Cupcake was perfect.

'You're doing well,' I told her. 'Much better. See? It helps when Coco's around.'

I could see the creek, which was really just a tiny little dribble of water in this dry weather. Last year, when it had rained a lot, it had become an actual stream for about three days. Josh even took his boogie board down there for a bit, and we all went crashing down over the rocks in the current, gasping and laughing, until Dad told us not to; it was dangerous.

'Come on, Cupcake. Across we go.'

Tiny flecks of sunshine pierced the shade from the overhanging trees and made the water into a flashing, gleaming ribbon. It looked amazing; clear, twinkling and refreshing. But Cupcake didn't think so. She came to a stop, even though I hadn't told her to, right on the edge of the water, pawing and snorting and refusing to go any further.

'Come on, Cupcake.' I pressed in with my legs, but it made no difference. Cupcake refused to cross the water. She shuffled sideways, breathing out hard, and flicking her tail around.

And then I did something I don't normally do. I got scared.

A wave of fear came over me, and for a half second, all I could see was the bright sky above me from when I opened my eyes after coming off Cupcake. It was a flashback but it felt real. Real enough, anyway, for me to pull the reins sharply, turn Cupcake around, and head back up the hill. Under my shirt, I could feel myself breathing hard, and not because I was tired. My mouth was dry and my arms were shaky.

'It's okay,' I told Cupcake. 'I didn't want to go over the creek either. This way's better.'

Coco was waiting for us on the fence. 'Did she cross? The stream, I mean.'

I shook my head. 'We decided not to.' I turned my face so she wouldn't see my mouth. Coco always says that when I lie, she can tell from the way my lips move. 'We thought we'd come back. Had enough for now.'

'Cool,' said Coco, obviously unsuspecting. She took Cupcake's rein and started leading her back to the tack shed. 'Anyway, Dad said to come in. He's got something to tell us.'

I looked at her with fake alarm in my eyes and she grinned. Whenever Dad has something to tell us now, we never quite know what's going to happen. Moving to the country, Mum being pregnant. What would come next?

It wasn't anything serious. At least, not really.

'We've got to go to a funeral,' Dad said, when we were all assembled in the lounge room, Mum included. 'It's next week, on a Saturday, which is unusual, but...' he gave us all an amused, knowing look. 'Well, that was Aunty Dot.'

Josh made a face. Aunty Dot had never been his favourite of the three great-aunts we had, unlike me, who thought she was hilarious with the jokes she told and the doughnuts she served up. The three of them, Dot, Beryl and Gloria, had all helped to bring Dad up. Second, third and fourth mothers, he'd called them, although they were much older than his actual mother, and, Dot excepted, much more cranky, according to his 'when-I-was-a-little-boy' stories.

When we were very tiny, we'd visited their musty house, eaten their food and played with their boxes of old toys kept in dusty cupboards for us. As we got older, our home visits turned into nursing home visits once or twice a year, until one by one, Gloria and Beryl had passed away, leaving only Dot.

Now she was gone too. I felt sad, but in a nostalgic sort of way.

'What do you wear to a funeral?' asked Coco.

'Will there be food?' said Josh.

'Are you okay, Dad?' I asked.

He nodded. 'Yeah, I am. I mean, she was old, and ready to go. She had a good life. The funeral will be in Sydney. Early afternoon, plus a light dinner afterwards.'

There was a noise from the corner of the room. It was Mum. 'I don't think I'll be able to go, sweetheart. A full day, and all that travelling. I mean, I loved Dot, but I won't cope.' She looked exhausted as she said it. Also, quite like a balloon. Her belly was getting bigger and bigger. I could almost see the dent she was making in the couch.

'I get it,' Dad said, but his voice fell. 'Do you want me to stay behind with you?'

I looked from Mum to Dad and back again. Mum's face was white and exhausted. Dad's looked torn. 'I'll stay. You go, Dad. I'll look after Mum.'

'Are you sure?' He looked at Mum's tummy. 'Four weeks to go. Do you think it'll be okay?'

Mum made a face. 'It'll be fine. Four weeks is really early. The baby's not going to come, I know it. She's still really high and stable. And if anything _does_ happen, which it won't, Charlie will call the ambulance for me. They can get here in twenty minutes. Or I'll call Ness and she'll take me to the hospital and we can call you from there. You're only two hours away, anyway. Less if you drive quicker.' She gave him a knowing look.

'Shhh,' said Dad with a 'behave' face to Mum. She made a 'sorry' mouth back to him, with a smile. We all knew Dad drove too fast sometimes, but he obviously thought he could still keep it a secret.

'Are you sure you'll be okay to stay with Mum?' Dad asked me. 'I know you liked Dot.'

'Yeah,' came Mum's voice from the sofa. 'It's really sweet of you to stay back to help me and the baby.'

I ignored her. I wasn't helping the baby. I was helping her and Dad.

'Mum can't go. Look at her. So I'll stay home.' I gave Dad a grin. 'Mum and I will be fine.'

# 19

# Chapter 19

I didn't do it for the baby, no matter what Mum thought.

The truth was, I still didn't want that baby, no matter how cute the little pink and white jumpsuits, teddies and blankets were that were starting to accumulate in piles around the house. Everything smelled like talcum powder and the place was beginning to look like some kind of sparkly, happy-family nappy advertisement you see on TV. I was doing my best to ignore it all.

I was also doing my best to ignore the fear that was still creeping up the walls of my stomach. It was the Inter-schools event, looming over me even in my dreams. Even Baylor seemed nervous; at school she was being even more obsessive about her riding outfits than normal. I needed to practice--in a big way, and especially after the fall--so I went out jumping on Cupcake every afternoon after school, but to get myself there I had to drag Coco after me and shout down her protests.

'You've done it,' she said every time. 'You got back on. Cupcake is fine with you. And anyway, I've got homework. Plus I'm face-timing James. Do you really need me?'

I held the fear in my stomach secretly, so Coco wouldn't see it. 'You're still the Cupcake secret strategy.' I wasn't lying, I just wasn't telling the whole truth. 'She's still better with you around, and there's no way you'll be inside doing your homework. James can wait. I still need you. In fact, I'm going to need you with me right up until I get to Inter-schools in two weeks' time and win it.'

'Do I get a day off from school for it?'

'Absolutely. I'll even write the note to get you out of there.'

The Friday afternoon before the funeral, Dad picked us up from school early. The weather was getting cooler and the sky was grey.

'We'll leave early for Sydney,' he told Josh and Coco. 'Tonight, in fact. I've got things to do for tomorrow.'

Half an hour after getting home they had their bags packed and by the door.

'Oh,' said Dad. 'I forgot.' He called my name. 'Charlie.'

I stuck my head around my bedroom door, halfway through changing out of my school uniform into old jeans and a t-shirt. 'What?'

'I need to tell you. There's a storm warning for tomorrow. It's not serious. At least, they say probably not. But keep an eye out in case you need to go and put Fozzles and Mika under the shelter.'

'Okay.' I did up the button on my jeans and pulled my t-shirt straight. 'And you'll be back tomorrow night?'

'By nine, hopefully. We'll try not to be too late.'

I grinned. 'Josh will be pushing you out the door.'

'He'll have to wait. We all know Grandma loves to talk. And at family funerals, Grandmas get to talk.'

I grabbed some bags and helped them load the car. 'Be good,' said Coco, air kissing me. 'Take Cupcake for a ride.'

'We'll see.' I hefted Josh's backpack into the boot. 'Maybe.' My stomach clenched as I said it, and I knew I wouldn't be riding. Not without Coco there.

'Bye,' they called, and, 'Bye,' Mum and I answered and waved, and then it was just the two of us, on the deck, and in the house, for the night, on our own.

We sat for a while, then Mum had a rest on the sofa while I made some pancakes for dinner. It was Mum's choice. 'If you can't have pancakes for dinner for a treat when you're pregnant, what's the point of having a baby?'

I just nodded. I couldn't see the point of having a baby at all, but if you had to have one, I supposed there might as well be pancakes involved. We ate them together, watching the sunset, and then I washed up while Mum picked a night of TV viewing for us.

'The reception's bad tonight,' she said, after about the sixth time the sound went patchy and the picture scratchy.

I got up to look outside. 'The wind's coming up,' I said. 'I might get Fozzles and Mika in the shed tonight. It might be that storm that Dad told me about.'

'It'll probably blow through pretty quick. That's what they're forecasting. Will little Mika be okay?' Her voice sounded plaintive and concerned.

I smiled at her. 'She's adorable. She'll be fine in the shelter.'

Outside, the wind was fierce, and getting colder. I wrapped a jacket around me and headed over to the paddock to find the horses. Fozzles was easy to catch, and Mika followed along behind her into the shelter where I gave them some feed and spread some fresh straw out. Cupcake would be alright in the paddock overnight, I decided, but when I opened the shed door to go back to the house, there she was.

'Alright, come on in.' She trotted in and I patted her and put a blanket on her. 'Be good, okay?' I went over to pat Mika, who was settling down for a nap. 'Sweet thing,' I murmured to her, and patted Fozzles on the nose. 'You're a good girl.'

Inside, I made hot chocolate for Mum, watched her fall asleep on the sofa, then headed to bed, where I listened to the wind howl until my eyes shut and my brain got some rest.

In the morning, Mum woke me up.

Early.

'Get up, Charlie,' she sang out, sticking her head around my door. 'I think we should do things today.'

I sat up, rubbing my eyes. I was used to early starts, but when you plan a sleep-in, even seven am seems a horribly mean time for a wake-up call.

'What things?'

'The house is a mess.' She almost looked pleased. 'I was looking under the sink just now and it looks like nobody's cleaned it for about eight months.'

'They haven't. Are people supposed to clean under the sink?'

She stepped in, easing her enormous stomach through the door, her hands covered with rubber gloves. 'Of course. Also, in the bathroom cupboards. And the laundry. And you should see the grout in the bathroom. It looks like nobody's cleaned it...'

'...for about eight months?'

She grinned. 'Exactly. And the weather's not great, so once you check the horses, we can have an inside day.'

I stretched and considered. Cleaning grout wasn't in my plan, but it was a day with Mum with no interruptions, and it was as good as anything. 'Only if we play my music.'

'And mine,' she said.

'Deal.' I hopped out of bed, looking for some clothes.

'I'll make you breakfast,' she said, disappearing.

I looked after her, confused at her sudden energy, but figuring she'd probably need a rest by nine am. Once she collapsed, I could check out YouTube for show jumping videos, if there was any reception with this wind. Even if I didn't want to ride without Coco being there, I could at least practice in my mind by watching. A sports psychologist we knew in Sydney told me when I was ten, and just getting into running, that visualising the thing you want to do--running through it in your head--is seventy per cent as good as actually practicing it with your body. I'd tried it a few times before some of my races and managed to beat a kid who'd come first for the whole season.

Breakfast was delicious. Mum was back to her old standards. Her cleaning was also back to her old standards, but I was wrong about the midmorning rest. We did grout, we did bathroom cupboards and we did kitchen cupboards. After a cup of tea, we did vacuuming (well, I vacuumed while Mum fussed over the correct way to position the cushions on the couch). 'Dad's been doing it wrong,' she told me. 'I always tell him to put them one in front of the other, but he just spreads them out evenly. It really bugs me.'

I raised my eyebrows and grinned to myself. 'Oh.' I hadn't noticed much bugging going on in the last eight months. As long as she could sleep, Mum hadn't complained about anything while she'd been sick. She'd hardly been able to talk. But today was a step in the right direction. Maybe I'd finally actually get _my_ mum back sometime soon.

'Do you want a sleep? After lunch, I mean.'

'I'll see. Maybe not. I'm feeling good, and there's so much to do.' She looked around her, almost wildly. My eyes followed her gaze. The house was okay. I mean, it wasn't terrible. It was 'Dad' standard, at least, which was about eighty per cent of 'Mum' standard, but I wasn't about to try to improve things and give myself more work.

Mum saw me looking. 'See? It's chaos.' She took a deep breath. 'I'll get it fixed.'

# 20

# Chapter 20

The wind kept on until lunch time, when the rain started as well. It began as a patter on our aluminium roof, steadily became an audience clapping, then came in bursts of gunfire.

'That's a lot of water,' said Mum, looking upwards. She had an omelette and toast and another cup of tea in front of her. Apparently having a baby made you really hungry and thirsty, although coffee was still off the menu. 'Is Mika okay?'

'I'll go and see.'

It was pointless taking an umbrella into the wind so I wrapped myself in Dad's Drizabone farmer's raincoat and put his hat on my head before heading down to the paddock. Fozzles and Mika were fine, and Cupcake was still in the shelter too. I gave them some feed, checked their water, patted them, then trudged back, water running down into my boots.

'It's a torrent out there,' I called to Mum from the laundry, shaking off my coat and kicking off my boots. 'Look, I'm heaps wet.'

'Change your clothes,' she called back, her voice emerging from the room the baby was going to sleep in. It had been built as a spare for visitors and relatives and anyone who stayed over but clearly, it wasn't going to stay like that. I didn't have an opinion on it, unlike Coco, who'd had her eyes on that room almost since we built the house, and who couldn't see why a baby, who wouldn't appreciate the bigger closet space, should have it all to itself. The only thing I'd been glad about was that the baby wouldn't have to move in with me. Now, as I entered the room, still a bit drippy, my eyes got wide.

'When did you do this?'

Mum had the light turned on, because of the darkness of the storm outside, but I could still see that the walls were painted the most gorgeous shade of yellow. A white cot and some kind of weird white table thing stood next to each other. The cot had yellow and white blankets and on the table, a smiling toy giraffe beamed at me. Someone had put up a series of wooden shelves, and white triangular bunting was looped along the window.

Mum was kneeling at the cupboard, sorting out little piles of what looked like baby clothes. She looked back at me. 'Dad's been working on it and I've done a bit too.' She smiled. 'When you've been at school, mostly. Haven't you seen it at all?'

I shook my head in wonder. 'No.'

She shooed me away with her hands. 'I told you to get changed. Don't get water through the house. I've just cleaned it. And your socks are disgusting. Take them off.'

'I was just going to say it's really, really wet out there.' I made moves towards the door. 'The creeks will probably rise soon. If it's too wet, Dad and the others won't be able to get home tonight. The water will be over the driveway. Should I ring them?'

'We can ring later, if we need to. We'll keep an eye on it. But it won't be too bad on the driveway. Dad built a bit of a causeway so we wouldn't get trapped anymore, unless there's a really big flood.' She pointed at my feet. 'Socks!'

I scampered back down the hallway to the laundry, where I pulled my wet clothes off, dumped them in the wash basket, then ran, half-freezing, back to my room, where I found some dry pyjamas and pulled them on.

'Nice,' said Mum, approving, when I found her in the lounge room. 'I might get mine on too. I'm feeling a bit tired now. We can heat up something for dinner. Maybe even play cards. I'll just have a nap first, though.' She stretched out on the couch and shut her eyes.

I walked around the house, checking for open windows and doors. The wind was even louder than it had been and the rain showed no signs of slowing down. If Josh had left his window open again, he was going to be sorry; it was right above his desk and last time the rain had gotten in, his iPod had been ruined. I rolled up a towel and pushed it against the back door. This house had more than a few quirks, and one of them was a propensity for gusts--of both wind and water--to get in underneath doors.

It was only four in the afternoon, but it was as dark as it would have been at eight. _Dinner,_ I thought, even though it was far too early. I knew Mum wouldn't mind. She'd been eating everything I could feed her all day. And we could always have a snack later if we got hungry.

I headed to the kitchen and dug in the freezer. It was surprisingly full. Plastic tubs and takeaway containers with all sorts of labels on them were stacked in the drawers and on the shelves--beef casserole, chicken stir fry, butter chicken. My mouth watered.

'Mum, did you know there's heaps of food in here?'

There was a noise from the lounge room, but it wasn't a reply. It was a different sort of noise. Almost like a groan.

'Mum--?' I wandered out, around the kitchen bench and through the dining area, towards the sofa. Mum was sitting up, clutching her belly with both hands, and the expression on her face wasn't one that said, 'hey, let's have dinner and play cards'.

'You're all white. Do you want to go back to bed? Maybe have a cup of tea? I can bring you some food in bed, if you like. We can hang out in your room.'

She swallowed hard. 'I'll go back to bed. That's a good idea.' She held out her hand for me to help pull her up, and I let out a breath as I shifted her weight up onto her feet. That baby was going to weigh a ton.

'Can you help me walk back to my room?' she asked, weakly. I blinked, surprised, but not really. Here it was--the energy crash after the day's activities. I had expected it, just perhaps not so late, and perhaps not in such an extreme way.

I put my arm around her back and under her arm and walked with her back to her room.

'Oh, hang on,' she said, and stopped. I stopped with her, confused. She stood still for a moment and shut her eyes tight, like she was concentrating on something. Then her face seemed to relax and she shook her head, like she was trying to get rid of something. 'Okay,' she said, and we kept walking.

'Butter chicken for dinner?' I asked when we reached the bed and she collapsed onto it, her eyes closed.

She nodded. 'A-OK.' She pulled the tiniest of smiles to the corners of her mouth. It quickly disappeared, though, and then she didn't make another movement. I backed out of the room, trying to hide my disappointment. It didn't look like there would be any cards this evening. I slapped my hands hard against my legs and felt the sting through my PJ pants. _It 's fine._

More noisily than I should have, I pulled the tub of butter chicken out of the freezer and banged it on the counter. I was frustrated but it didn't matter. Mum wouldn't be able to hear my crashing around over the crashing noises that were coming from the sky. The wind was even higher now, the rain hadn't stopped, and now there was thunder and--I shivered when I saw them--forks of lightning, not too far in the distance.

I opened the microwave door, put in the butter chicken (with the lid loosened, but still sitting on top... Mum always insists) and closed the door again. I pressed my finger to the button to set the time and at the exact same time that I pressed, there was a massive crash of thunder and a burst of lightning, and all the power in the house disappeared.

'Oh no.' I said it to myself mostly. I knew Mum wouldn't be able to hear me, but I probably wouldn't have said it to her anyway, being asleep and napping and sick. No power meant no butter chicken, that was for sure, unless I heated it up on the gas barbeque outside. It also meant no TV, no warm showers and not much light.

I'd have to dig around for one of the old lanterns we'd used before we had any power on the site at all, last year when we were still building. The only problem was, I didn't know where they were, and there was no way I was going to venture outside into the rain if they were at the top of some cupboard in a bedroom somewhere.

Dad would know. And the funeral would be over by now, so I could ring him... if I could even find a phone, now that tidy-up-Mum had been through like a whirling dervish.

It took me a little bit of scrabbling around in the dark, but I did find the cordless landline phone on the kitchen bench. I sat down on the couch with it and pressed the 'on' button. Nothing happened.

_Weird,_ I thought. _It 's lost all its charge already_? I'd have to find someone else's mobile instead.

Coco's phone was with her, of course; Mum and Dad shared one, which was with Dad; and I didn't know the password to Josh's, even if I'd been able to find it. The only other option was mine, and for a few minutes I suddenly understood why Mum and Dad kept making constant proclamations that 'all phones should be kept on the kitchen bench, near the charger'. I knew it was somewhere in my room, but the question was where? After a bit of searching under some piles of clothes I managed to locate it. _Phew_.

I took it to my bed and sat down. The 'on' button worked, but there was no dial tone. I looked at it more closely, to see no bars in the connection space. Nothing but an 'x'. There was no way I could call Dad. There was no way I could call anyone at all.

'Mum,' I called out, my voice going before my feet, which were already walking down to her bedroom. 'Mum, there's no...'

But as I stepped out of the door into the corridor, I saw Mum coming towards me. She had her hand on her belly, and a terrible look on her face.

'Charlie,' she said. 'I'm going to have a baby.'

My eyes moved from Mum's mouth to Mum's tummy and back again. Of course I knew she was going to have a baby. It was obvious. You only had to look at the size of her stomach to know there was something in there. It was even bigger than Fozzles' had been. I was almost expecting the baby to be bigger than Mika, Mum was so massive.

'Yeah, I know.' I gave her a look, like, 'you okay?' and she just stared back at me, a wild expression in her eyes.

'No,' she said, eventually, her head slightly swaying. 'You don't understand. I'm having this baby now. I'm in labour, Charlie.'

I laughed. I actually did. I felt bad about it later, but it was my first reaction. _She 's joking!_

'Ha ha, Mum. Very funny. That's a good one.' I actually thought it was a pretty good prank. It was certainly something Mum would have pulled on me before she got pregnant. And I might have fallen for it before, but I was older and wiser now. 'Pull the other one.'

'I'm not kidding.' Her voice was steady, but it was low and I could hear the beginning of a shake. 'I think this baby is going to come soon.'

I sat down in the middle of the floor. All the power fell out of my legs and I had nowhere else to go. I sat for a second, and then I jumped to my feet again. 'But it can't. It's too early. Mum?'

Mum was doing that concentrating thing with her face again; eyes closed, head down, hands on belly. She waited for a few seconds, and then let out a breath and looked back at me.

'That's a contraction. I'm going to have quite a few of those. Hopefully they'll be slow, and the ambulance will arrive in time to get me to hospital. But I need you to get me a phone.'

My stomach dropped. Not quite to the floor, but low enough that I felt sick.

'That's what I was coming to tell you.' I held out my phone in a faltering hand. 'It's not working.'

We stood and looked at each other. Above us, a thunderclap sang its bass notes and outside, lightning made everything into daylight for half a second. All I saw was my mum's face, scared, small and weary. And in that moment, I knew that I would do what it took to help her.

I just didn't know what that would have to be.

'No phone,' said Mum. She leaned back against the wall, her palms pressed flat against it. 'No power. Presumably no internet.' I shook my head. The few times we'd lost power before, Coco had stomped out of her room, looking for someone to blame for her not being able to comment on Facebook anymore.

I looked at the clock. 'Can we wait? I mean, Dad will be home at nine. It's nearly five now.'

Mum didn't answer me, so I turned to her. Her face was tight again, and this time she looked like she was in pain. I had to wait for her to talk again.

'We can't wait,' she said finally, blinking hard. 'Not four hours. This baby's on her way.' She looked at me. 'You're going to have to ride for help.'

# 21

# Chapter 21

'Ride for help.' The words came out of my mouth automatically, but I didn't really understand them. My head was spinning a bit. _Ride for help?_

Mum groaned a bit and started sweating. 'Ride your horse.' She could hardly make full sentences. 'Down to Ness. See if her phone works. Get an ambulance here.'

For a millisecond, everything froze. Then, in slow motion, my brain jumped from ' _it 's raining'_ to ' _it 's raining a _lot _'_ to ' _Mum might die '._

Almost like Mum could read my mind, she spoke again. 'You can do it, Charlie. I have faith in you.'

I hesitated.

'Or you could deliver the baby yourself,' she said, finding the energy to give me a grin like she used to in the old days.

'I'll go right now,' I said. And then it was like I'd taken some kind of energy drink. I zipped to the kitchen and grabbed the biggest flashlight I could find, and ran back to my room to pull on my boots and find a jacket.

'Coat,' said Mum, weakly. 'The rain.'

'I will.' I put my arm around her shoulder. 'But first, you have to move. Somewhere more comfy.'

'I'm fine.' She waved me away. 'I'll go to the sofa once you go.'

I wrapped myself in Dad's big rain coat and pulled a riding helmet onto my head. 'I'll be back soon.'

'Don't be long.' Her voice carried from the hallway, but I could hear the strain in it. 'I have faith in you. And Charlie?'

I put my head around the door.

'You're A-OK.'

When I stepped out of the back door, the wind hit me so hard it was hard to breathe. As I went down the steps, it was like buckets of water were being poured over my head. By the time I'd jogged to the shelter (running faster was totally out of the picture with all the water on the grass), I was wet through, despite Dad's expensive, super-everything coat. I'd have to tell him he was ripped off. I grinned to myself.

Then I stopped grinning, because there in the shelter, in front of me, was Cupcake. She was damp, she was restless, and she was the only horse I had to ride. In the dark. Through a storm. Over a creek. To rescue my mum from potentially dying.

I made a face and my tummy felt ill. My brain clammed up with panic, and all I could see was Rob the ambo guy after I came off Cupcake, his face filling my vision, asking me if I was okay. A disgusting taste came into the back of my throat and I swallowed it down. Hard.

I was going to have to do this.

I pushed Rob and his questions down somewhere where I couldn't see him, and wrestled a picture of Mum into my head instead.

_I have faith in you, Charlie. You 're A-OK._

'Yes, I am,' I said to myself. And then I said to Cupcake, but more quietly. 'And so are you.' I took a deep breath in and let it out steadily, calming the twitch in my arms and the shake in my legs. I put out my hand to her nose and gave her a pat. 'We have to ride, Cupcake. We're going to be fine. You're going to be able to do this.'

She nuzzled my hand and I pulled some feed out of a sack, staying calm and quiet as I did. Little Mika watched me with her big, brown eyes from the back of the shelter. Both she and Fozzles were resting quietly on the straw. I gave her a pat and blew Fozzles a kiss. 'See you guys soon.'

I pulled a saddle and a bridle onto Cupcake, adjusted the girth and swung myself up onto her back, ducking my head at the top of the shelter.

Cupcake didn't like the rain. She also didn't like the wind, the dark, and the fact I was riding her. But I was calm and strong and put my hand on her neck to reassure her.

_I have faith in you, Charlie._

'I have faith in you too, Cupcake,' I said loudly, so she could hear me over the noise of the storm. 'Walk on.'

We walked for a while, just to get Cupcake used to the idea that we were going outside in the worst weather she'd possibly ever seen in her life, then I pressed my legs against her to get her to break into a run. As her pace increased, so did the amount of water hitting my face and running down my neck into my clothes. The only thing Dad's jacket was good for was keeping me reasonably warm in the midst of the wind and rain. Cupcake wasn't that warm, unfortunately, so I got her to run a bit more to keep her from freezing. We trotted, then cantered down to the bottom of the property, and then I saw it.

The creek.

I knew it would be higher. I didn't realise it would be a mini-river, with brown waves, swirling white edges and a noise that almost drowned out the sound of the rain splattering on my ears.

_This isn 't good._

_I have faith in you, Charlie._

'I have faith in you, too, Cupcake,' I said, and urged her on towards the creek.

She stopped, just before the edge of the water, turning her head towards me, crossly. I could almost hear her words to me. 'Really? This? I thought we were friends now.'

'We have to. Mum needs us.' I leant down over her neck and hugged her, a big drippy hug. 'Please?'

She wouldn't move. She didn't go backwards, which was good, but she didn't go forwards either. Instead she was trying to turn away, walking on the spot. I heard Coco's voice in my ear. 'She hates the creek.' And then I realised this was not going to happen. Not without something special from me.

'Okay, if that's the way you want it.' I slid off her back, down to the muddy ground. 'Oh!' I said, as my boot shot through the slush. 'Whew.' I found my footing again.

If Cupcake wouldn't be ridden through the creek, she would have to walk with me. I shut out Dad's warnings about rushing water and focused on Mum, alone in the house, crying in pain. I gathered the reins up into my hand, hung on tightly, and shone my flashlight a couple of metres downstream to where I knew the creek bed was flatter. That was where we would cross.

'Ugh,' I shuddered as the water filled my boots and found its way up into my jeans. Now I was getting wet from both ends. 'Ugh, ugh, ugh.' I tried to keep my voice down and my breath steady, to calm Cupcake. 'Come on, girl,' I said carefully, and pulled firmly at her reins. 'You just have to. There are no options.'

It was true. If Cupcake didn't do this, Mum might not get help in time, and then, who knew what might happen? Maybe she'd be fine. People have babies all the time and they're fine. But sometimes they're not. And maybe, this time Mum wouldn't be. I gripped the reins tighter and pulled again. I wasn't going to be able to live with myself if she wasn't.

Cupcake moved. She took a step into the water with me, then she took another. I pressed on, walking further out into the rushing stream, pulling her along behind me. 'We're doing this,' I said firmly, trying to stop myself from jumping with joy. Even though I'd told her to follow me, I was surprised it was actually working. Cupcake was tentative, but she trusted me, and followed along.

The part of the stream I'd chosen to cross was wider and shallower than other parts, but even so, as we reached the middle, the current was torrential. Each step I took had to be deliberate and each foot had to be firmly placed. I looked back to see if Cupcake was wobbling like I was, but she looked firm.

'Good girl,' I said, but I shouldn't have. By shifting my concentration, I lost my footing. 'Wo-oh!' My body was shifting, turning in the direction of the current, and I felt like I was going to fall... until Cupcake's nose caught my flailing arm. I grabbed her bridle out of instinct and steadied myself, my heart beating crazy-fast.

'Thank you,' I said, when I was upright and my breath had slowed down. 'You got me.' But then I was surprised again. Cupcake walked on, so that she was by my side, but on the downstream side. If I fell again, I'd fall right into her. I wouldn't get taken away by the water. I put my hand up to support myself against her bridle and she took the weight without even a shake.

'Thank you,' I said again, when our final step was onto firm ground again and the creek was behind us. I stopped and pressed my forehead against hers. 'I... I mean, I--' Nothing came out. I knew what I wanted to say, but I knew that if I said it, I'd break down. It would have to wait. Because we still had to get to Ness's place.

I swung back up onto Cupcake's back, ignoring the water pouring out of my boots, and the fact that everything I was wearing, even my undies, was wet through. 'Canter,' I said to Cupcake, and she took off like a rocket. We both knew the path; we'd ridden this way hundreds of times, and we both wanted to get to Ness as quickly as we could.

When we found the driveway, Cupcake's hooves clattered on the gravel. _Ness might even be able to hear us coming_ , I thought. _Every little bit of time helps._

As we rounded the bend towards the house, I breathed a sigh of relief. 'The lights are on,' I shouted over the noise. 'She's got power.'

From that point, it was a blur. We reached the house, Ness came running out, followed by Tessa and James and I slid off Cupcake so fast they almost had to catch me. I said some incomprehensible things about babies and power and phones and ambulances, and somehow, someone understood me enough to find a phone that worked and call the hospital.

'How many weeks is she?' Ness asked me, all cold and shivery and dripping all over the floor, mid-conversation to the emergency line.

'Weeks?' I must have looked blank because Ness looked impatient.

'When's the baby due?'

'Oh. Um, next month, I think.' My mouth hardly worked, I was so shivering so much.

'Get her a towel,' mouthed Ness to Tessa, and to me, 'Change your clothes.'

I shook my head. Changing clothes and getting dry would take time. I needed to get back to Mum as soon as I could. The ambulance might take forty-five minutes to get to her in this weather, down our drive, even if it left straight away, but riding back would only take twenty. 'I'm going home.'

Ness hung up the phone and stared at me. 'On horseback? No way. James, get me a pile of towels, a pair of scissors and the first aid kit. Tessa, you ring Charlie's dad and tell them what's going on, and then take Cupcake to the stables and look after her. Charlie, you and I are getting into the car right now.'

I dropped the towel and went to move but she scolded me. 'Bring that.' She pointed to the towel. 'And the ones James is getting too. You may be some kind of rescue-angel-slash-superhero-storm-goddess, but I'm not letting you get pneumonia on my watch.'

# 22

# Chapter 22

It's just as well Ness wasn't fussy about the seat covers in her four wheel drive, or she might never have been my friend again. I squished mud all over everything when I got in her car, but neither of us really noticed. We were way more focused on squinting at the road through the windscreen wipers, which were panting their little hearts out, trying to keep up with the ferocity of the storm.

'We had our power go out,' I said. 'And the phones didn't work.'

'Our mobiles went too.' Ness's face was grim with concentration as she steered the car up the slippery dirt road. 'I think it was a lightning strike on the phone tower. But I've got a land line with one of those old style phones. The tower doesn't affect them.'

'It's been a surprising day,' I said, which made Ness chuckle. We turned onto the main road and sped down the bitumen, the fastest bit of the trip.

'Two minutes till we turn, and then, maybe ten minutes down the drive?' she said. 'We'll be there soon.' She glanced at my hands and I looked at them too, to see clenched fingers and white knuckles. 'How the heck did you get Cupcake across that creek?'

I laughed, but it sounded jangled and weird in my ears. Nerves, probably. 'I have no idea. I just knew we couldn't go back.'

'Here's the turn.' The car slid slightly in the mud as we headed onto our driveway. 'It's okay. I've got low range.' She pulled the gear shifter down and across, and the engine moved into a low growl as we began to bump down the steep part of the drive. 'How high is the water that goes across the driveway lower down, do you think?'

'Mum said Dad put a causeway in. I don't know if it will work in this kind of weather, though.'

Ness twisted her mouth, breathed in and out, and looked ahead again. 'We may have to take her to the hospital ourselves. Or even just meet the ambulance at the top of the drive. I don't know if it's going to make it down here.'

Fear gripped my stomach and I pushed it away. 'She'll be okay, right?'

'No worrying. It doesn't help. Let's just get there and do what we have to do.'

'What will we have to do?' My voice sounded like a thin wail in the darkness, but the only reply was the sound of the rain and the wind, battering the outside of the car.

Exactly thirty-seven minutes after I left the house, dry and scared, I entered it again, still scared, but now totally soaked.

'Now you _have_ to get changed,' said Ness as she shook off her rain jacket at the door.

'Takes up time. I want to see Mum first.'

But Ness wasn't having any arguments. 'It's more dangerous for your mum if you're hanging around, all wet and germy, and for the baby too.'

A sudden picture of Mika flashed into my brain, snuggled warm and dry on the straw in the shelter. 'Okay. I'll do it now.'

I ran down the hall into my room, where I tore off the wet gear, all clammy and clinging to me, dried myself as quickly as possible with a towel I found on the floor, then pulled on whatever came out of my cupboard first--a t-shirt, a pair of track pants, and some kind of jacket thing that Josh had grown out of. I pulled my wet hair into a ponytail and towelled off some stray drips around my face, then raced back down the hall to the lounge room, where I came to a screeching stop outside the door.

I'd told Ness it had been a surprising day, and here was another surprise. Not necessarily a good one, either. There was noise inside. Specifically, a lot of groaning. Also, some screaming, panting and grunting.

My eyes went wide. Was Mum dying? I wasn't sure if I wanted to find out.

I pushed the door open slowly and quietly. Maybe this would be the last time I saw Mum. I didn't know if I was ready for it. Had my rescue mission not worked? Maybe I'd ridden through the rain and crossed the stream for nothing. I looked up at the clock on the wall. Would the ambulance ever get here?

'Mu-um?' My voice choked up as I stepped into the room. Was I going to lose it now, right when she needed me most?

'Oh, good, Charlie, it's you.' Ness's voice was straightforward, cheerful and loud. Just like normal. Her face was normal too; she turned towards me with a smile.

My eyebrows went up. How could she be happy at a time like this? Behind her, Mum was kneeling on the floor, her face pressed into the sofa. She groaned again.

'Mum?' I swallowed. Maybe, if the baby wasn't killing her, she'd die of suffocation.

'She's fine,' said Ness, grinning. 'But it looks like she's going to have this baby. Right here, right now.'

Mum groaned again and shifted position. Ness looked back at her and gave her a pat on the back.

'What about the ambulance?' My words weren't much more than a splutter--a tiny drop of spit with each syllable.

'They've been called.' Ness shrugged. 'They'll get here when they get here. We could try to get her in the car now and take her ourselves, but I think we'll be delivering a baby in the rain on the side of the drive if we do that.'

My face must have looked like it was hit with a wet fish because she laughed. 'My thoughts exactly. We stay here, warm and dry. We pray a little. And we do what needs to be done.'

I hadn't thought about praying before but it suddenly seemed like an excellent idea. _Dear God. That 's my mother over there. Don't let her die. I need her. _Do you have to say 'Amen' at the end? The question crossed my mind but I didn't have time to think about it. I figured God could take care of those kinds of details. The important thing was Mum. And her staying alive.

There was another groan from the sofa. My stomach dropped.

'What do I do?' I asked Ness, who was kneeling down next to Mum. 'I need to do something.'

She stood up and surveyed the room. 'We need something on the floor. A tarp. Or a big sheet of plastic, or even just towels. We need hot water. We need a drink for your Mum.' I rushed towards the door. 'And after that, you can come hold her hand and tell her she's going to be okay.'

I'm a girl who does my best when I've got something to do. Give me a job, give me a task and I'll get it done for you. Charlie Franks delivers. It's what Mum always said about me. 'Charlie will get it done.'

_I have faith in you._

So I did it. I found two old waterproof sheets Mum must have kept from the days when Josh (not me!) used to wet his bed, and spread them out on the floor under her. I put the biggest pot of water I could find on the BBQ plate and lit the burner. I filled a glass, then threw it down the sink, and filled a water bottle instead, for Mum to sip from. No point having more water spilling; there was quite enough outside already. Then I sat myself next to Mum and held her hand.

The groaning was terrible, and it wasn't cool to hear Mum scream, but Ness's face was telling me things were good, despite how it sounded.

'You don't have long to go,' she said. 'You're nearly fully dilated.'

'Dilated?' I asked.

'You probably don't want to know,' said Mum in a grunt. It was the first time she'd spoken to me, although she had gripped my hand enough for me to know that she knew I was there.

'Don't tell her that,' said Ness. 'She needs to know.' She grinned at me while Mum groaned again. 'Imagine you pulling on a tight long necked polo shirt.'

I made a face. 'I hate those.'

'You push your head into the neck hole, and it's all tight for a bit, then you think you'll never breathe again, but suddenly, it's as wide as it needs to be for your head to slip out.'

I nodded.

'Your baby sister's head is pushing down, out of your mum. Being dilated means that where she's coming out of is now wide enough for her.'

'Oh.' I had no other words. Whereas Coco would have screamed or made a face, or been grossed out in some other kind of way, I didn't feel any disgust at all. There was still a little bit of fear buried somewhere deep, but mostly I was interested.

'Is it like a foal, where the hooves are first? Do you see the hands come out?'

Mum groaned. 'Better not be.'

Ness laughed. 'Normal presentation is head first. That's what you want for a good birth. Bum first is bad. And I can't imagine feet or hands first.'

'Is sh-- I mean, this one, head first?'

'We'll find out in a minute, I think.'

Mum groaned and yelled a few more times while Ness and I sat and waited, me rubbing Mum's hands and Ness stroking her back. Then it happened.

'I can see hair,' said Ness. She put her face up close to Mum's. 'Your baby is crowning, and she's got the most beautiful head of hair.'

Mum's mouth formed a perfect O shape and she turned her head towards me. I saw two tears run down her cheeks in perfect unison, and for some unknown reason, I choked up as well.

'Are you going to be ready to push?' asked Ness. 'On the next contraction, okay?'

Mum closed her eyes, then, when her mouth grimaced up, she held her breath, gripped my hand harder than it had ever been gripped before, and strained down so hard I thought she might pop.

'That's great,' said Ness. 'You're doing really well. Another one now.'

Again, Mum strained down. Her fingernails clenched my hand so hard I nearly had to stifle a yell. I was sure there would be blood spots when I opened my palm, but she wasn't letting go anytime soon. A third time and then a fourth, she shut her eyes and pushed and pushed.

Then, on the fifth massive push, just when I thought my hand was about to fall off my wrist, there was a shout from Ness. 'You did it. She's here.'

Mum's head jerked up from the sofa, and she looked around, her eyes streaming tears. 'Is she okay? Is she alright?'

I let go of Mum's hand and looked over at Ness, who was holding something in her hands. It was a tiny, squirmy baby, all encased in a white bubble, just like Mika had been.

'The sac is still together,' she said. 'It's amazing. I've never seen that happen before. But she looks perfect.'

Mum turned around and sank onto the floor, which were covered with the sheets I'd found. She was still crying, but her face was happy and her arms were out for her baby, and she didn't even seem to mind the mess that was surrounding her. Goo, bits of snot-looking stuff, and some blood. I raised my eyebrows at it, but Ness didn't seem worried, so I figured it must be normal.

Ness turned to me. 'We'll need towels. Can you get some?'

'Okay.' I skipped towards the door, and then looked back. Mum was hugging the baby. And I was surprised for what may have been the seven hundred and fifty-fourth time that day. Instead of feeling angry about it, I felt happy. And then, I started to cry. With joy.

# 23

# Chapter 23

I brought as many towels as we had in the cupboard, a stack higher than my own head, and stumbled over myself to get through the door. Next to the sofa, Mum was still just sitting there, holding the baby, crying her eyes out and smiling.

I handed the towels to Ness awkwardly and then stood back. Fozzles had needed time to bond with Mika. Maybe human mothers and babies were the same.

But Ness didn't seem to think so. She gave me a funny look. 'Aren't you going to hug your mum? And your sister?'

'Can I?'

She laughed. 'Of course. Why not?'

I didn't need to be told twice.

'Oh, Charlie,' said Mum, tearfully. 'You did it.' She wiped her face and looked down at the baby, who was still gooey and covered in bits of stuff that I didn't really want to ask about. 'Isn't she beautiful?'

I looked at her little pink face. It was slightly squashed, her eyes were closed, and her mouth was opening and closing like the fish we used to have in an aquarium back when I was about seven. Objectively, no, she wasn't beautiful.

But then something warm came over me, something I'd never felt before. It was a fierceness, a protectiveness. It was more than a feeling; it was an absolute certainty that _this baby_ was _my_ baby sister. She was the most beautiful baby in the world. I would more than happily ride through storms and wade through creeks and get towels and have my hands ripped up if it meant she would be okay. 'Wow. She's ours.'

Mum started to cry all over again, smiling at me and dripping on the baby, at which point Ness stepped in. 'We need to wrap her up and keep her warm. Maybe even give her a feed until the ambulance people get here and can deal with the rest of it.'

She held out a towel, Mum placed the baby into it and Ness wrapped her so tightly I got a little concerned.

'She won't be able to move.' My voice was worried. 'Aren't you hurting her?'

Again Ness laughed at me. 'She's fine. She's used to feeling tight and secure from when she was inside your mum. And she needs to stay warm.'

'Do you want a hold, Charlie?'

My eyes went big and my heart started beating as Mum passed me the small bundle of towel-wrapped baby gorgeousness. 'Just gently. No big movements.'

I took my little sister and nestled her in my arms, right up against my chest. Her eyes opened and looked at mine, and she turned towards me in a wobbly sort of way. She reminded me a bit of Mika on that first night-- with jerky, un-practiced movements, and big, curious eyes, looking around her as though she was asking, 'What kind of world is this?'

'It's a big world,' I whispered, turning away so Mum and Ness wouldn't hear me. 'But I'll help you through it. I'll cheer you on.'

I sniffed the top of her head. It smelled beautiful, like the freshest morning on the crispest day in spring. 'I'm going to be your sister forever.'

My words were interrupted by a crashing on the front door, but I couldn't move with the baby, my baby, in my arms. Ness jumped up and ran out to see what was happening, and ten seconds later, came back in with someone whose face I recognised.

'Rob!' I was delighted. If Rob the ambo was here, everything was going to be okay. Then I corrected myself. Everything was already okay. Mum had done a great job, the baby was beautiful, and I had gotten lots and lots of towels. Rob's job was practically done.

'I recognise you,' he said, then he pointed to the warm bundle in my arms. 'What's all this, then?'

I beamed. 'I have a sister.'

'And poor old Mum had to give birth in the middle of the storm.' He grinned back. 'Let's get you sorted out and off to hospital, and make sure everything's just as perfect as it should be.'

Rob did checks on the baby (I had to reluctantly give her over) and Mum, and even though he said that everything looked great, we still had to get her to hospital, so we bundled them both up in warm gear and Rob parked the ambulance so the door was really close to the front door and they didn't have to get through too much rain to get in.

Ness and I scrambled under coats to get into her car and we followed them up the drive, which was now running like a river in some places, down the road and into town to the hospital, which was warm, clean, and lit; a nice change from our place. I thought about the piles of towels I'd left all over the floor, and the waterproof sheets Ness had rolled up and dumped in the laundry, and wondered what Mum would say after all her cleaning efforts of this morning.

_This morning_. I laughed to myself. This morning seemed like a whole lifetime ago. I'd read books where the heroine in the story has her world turned upside down in the space of a day, but it had never really happened to me... until now. Even the big move we'd done last year wasn't the same. Yes, it changed the things in my life--where we lived, and the stuff we did. But it didn't change me. Today, though--today I woke up as one person, and I'll be going to bed a totally different one.

_I have faith in you, Charlie._

Mum's voice echoed in my head, and then I realised she was talking for real. I turned my head. The doctor had gone ('this baby is just fine and perfect' she had pronounced), the nurses had exited and even Ness was out of the room, heading home to Tessa and James; she'd said she might bring them back later.

'Can you hold her, Charlie?' Mum's face looked better than it had for the last eight months. She actually had colour, even though she looked tired. 'I'm dying for a hot shower.'

'Of course.' I stood up and took the baby from Mum. Someone had gotten rid of our towel and wrapped her in a pink flannelette blanket. 'Shall I sit down with her?'

'Whatever you like.' Mum rolled herself off the bed and headed into the bathroom. 'Just keep her close. It's good for her to bond.'

'Like Mika.' I smiled, then gazed down at the little face in front of me. Her eyes were closed, and her nose was the tiniest thing I'd even seen, except for her eyelashes, which made me gasp out loud when I noticed them. I peeked inside the blanket wrap and saw a little fist, closed up but relaxed, with the tiniest little fingers ever. And fingernails! 'Oh!' I said. I couldn't help myself.

We sat on the armchair for ages. Mum must have had the longest shower ever in the history of showers, but I guess she had a lot of icky stuff to wash off, plus with the power going off, the rain, and the mud I tracked in, everything had seemed kind of grubby at home. I didn't mind, though. I just sat with my baby sister, looking at her and talking to her, and falling in love.

Yes, I was in love with her. It was true. And astounding. For so many months, I had hated the thought of having a baby in the house, but the second I'd met her, everything was different.

I looked towards the bathroom door. Mum was still in there, but I wanted to apologise. For everything. For thinking Mum wouldn't love me as much if she had another baby. For thinking I was getting squeezed out. For assuming Mum didn't care.

'Love grows,' I whispered to the baby. 'There's enough for everybody to have one hundred per cent of it.' I blew on her forehead, just gently. She stirred and moved her hand, and I smiled to myself. In the stillness, the room seemed to shrink until it was just me and my baby sister, sitting together in the light and calm.

Then, everything happened all at once. I heard the water in the shower stop and saw Mum's head poke out of the bathroom. 'She okay?'

'Yes. Fine. She's--' But there was no space to say more. Out of nowhere appeared Dad, Josh and Coco, eyes bright and mouths laughing, and alternate looks of worry and wonder on their faces.

'We raced back.' That was Josh.

'Is it really a girl?' said Coco.

'Are you okay?' asked Dad. 'I'm so sorry. I should never have left you.'

Then, from Coco, 'Did you seriously ride Cupcake across the creek in that storm?'

I held out the baby to Dad, gave Josh a high five, and stood up next to Coco, all in one movement. 'Yep.'

'Oh my goodness!' She was yelping, jumping around the room. 'I can't believe it. You are like, the biggest hero. Ever.' She stopped and struck a pose. 'My twin sister rode through a cyclone to rescue my mum. They're going to give you an award, I reckon. That makes me some kind of celebrity, right?'

'As if,' said Josh. 'Simmer down, petal.' He rolled his eyes at Coco and turned away, just in time to nearly bash into two nurses who were coming in with some kind of medical equipment on a roller stand. 'Oops. Sorry.'

They made an amused face at him as they rolled their gadget up to Mum, who was back lying on the bed, hair wet and smile huge, with the baby snug in a funny little baby bed that looked like a plastic see-through tub on a shopping trolley frame.

'Deborah, is it?' said one of them, consulting a clipboard at the end of Mum's bed. 'And you've had the baby at home?'

We all nodded at the same time like a set of bobble head dolls.

'In this weather,' the other one said. She took Mum's arm, put a fat velcro strap around it, and pressed a button. There was a low electronic buzz. 'Wow. I'll bet that was an adventure.'

Mum nodded. 'A bit, yes.'

'And I heard that someone had to ride through the storm to get help?' The first nurse looked around the room expectantly.

I blushed and tried to hide my face, but Coco grabbed my hand and used it to point at my own head. 'She did. My sister. She rode my horse through a flooded creek.'

The nurses looked impressed. 'Wow. That's a story for the records,' said the second one. She undid the arm strap, took it off Mum, and put it back on the trolley. 'You and this baby are going to have quite a bond.'

'What's her name?' asked the first nurse. 'Have you decided yet?'

Mum and Dad looked at each other with faces that said, 'What do you think?' and, 'I don't know yet'.

'We have a list,' said Mum. She looked a bit apologetic. 'But we still haven't really been able to come up with one we both like enough.'

'It should be Chloe,' said Coco. 'Or maybe Callie. Or Corinne.'

'Ursula,' said Josh. I checked his face to make sure he really didn't think this was an acceptable name for the most gorgeous, beautiful baby in the whole universe, but it was alright. He was joking. 'Or Gertrude.'

Coco rolled her eyes and went to slap him on the head, but one of the nurses gave her a look like 'hey, this is a hospital' and she stopped.

I stood up, suddenly. 'I know what her name should be. It's already part of her.' My voice was strong.

'Oh,' said Mum.

'Really?' said Dad.

I swallowed. I'd already proved it was true. I'd done the impossible and faced my fears, and gotten help for Mum when I really didn't think I could.

_I have faith in you, Charlie._ It had worked. Now I had faith in myself, and a friend in my baby sister.

'We should name her Faith.'

# 24

# Chapter 24

They decided to call her Faith.

Mum and Dad did that looking at each other thing which always means, 'What do you think darling? I don't know. We probably need to talk about it without the children here.' Then Mum wanted to know (just to be fair, I'm sure) if Josh or Coco had names they wanted to be considered too but Josh had nothing and Coco's next suggestions of Beyonce or Sia were probably never going to be taken seriously anyway.

They sent us out of the room with money for the vending machine and by the time we'd made our way back through the corridors with packets of chips and a chocolate milk each, our sister had a name.

'It's a bit hard to call her "Faithy" though,' complained Coco.

'Why do you want to call her Faithy anyway?' said Dad. 'What's wrong with her name as it is?'

'We're Australians,' said Josh. 'She needs a nickname. It's like, a birthright.'

I laughed. 'A birthright? Really, Joshie?'

He threw a pillow at me and Mum growled at us. 'The baby! Be careful. Faith is...'

'Faith is,' I said. 'It becomes Fizz.'

So Faith got another name. Actually, heaps of other names--Fizz or Fizzy, or 'the Fizzster' (that was Josh) or Fizz-o ('in case she plays soccer one day') or Fizz-a-licious.

'Really?' said Mum. Her face was tired now, but her smile was still right across her face. 'Fizz-a-licious?'

Right on cue, Faith stirred in her crib and started chewing her fist.

'Awwwww,' melted Coco, all over the floor.

'Is that her food?' said Josh. 'We've got a cannibal baby.'

I hit him across the head. ' _You 're _a cannibal.'

Mum shot a look at Dad and he stood up. 'You guys, we're going.' He moved towards us with his arms out, like he was trying to herd us out the door. 'Mum needs some sleep. Fizz needs some milk. And we need to drive home and make sure our house hasn't floated away in the rain.'

The house was still there, thankfully. My bed was still dry, also thankfully, because I crashed into it almost the same minute we walked through the front door. Mum would have been horrified if she'd seen me; I took my shoes off and pulled off my socks, but changing my clothes seemed too much like hard work when it felt like my eyelids were dropping off my face. _I 'll clean my teeth and get dressed in the morning,_ I thought. _Before we go to the hospital again._

I didn't.

When I woke up, the rain had stopped, the sun was high, my teeth were extra-fuzzy and there was no one in the house.

'Hellooo?' I called through the lounge room a few times, and then out the back door and off the deck, just in case they'd gone outside, but there was no reply.

The clock in the hall said elevenish, and from the look of the kitchen, they'd all had breakfast. I finally found the note blu-tacked to the outside of my bedroom door.

_Gone to the hospital. Home by four. We couldn 't wake you._

I felt a short missing pang for Faith, but at the same time, a sleepy relief. Truth was, I was exhausted, and my muscles hurt with that post-exercise stiffness you get after a really good workout. Even my shoulders were tired; I must have been tensing up a lot while I was riding for help. I shrugged them a few times and circled my head around and then let out a sigh. Breakfast. Then clean up. Then wait.

After three eggs, plus toast, butter, jam and a cut up apple, I wandered around the house. There were a _lot_ of towels out. Maybe even more than I remember. There were two stacks of them in the lounge room, a few used ones dumped in the laundry and at least three pulled out and strewn down the hall. I must have dropped them in my haste to get to Mum.

I threw on a load of sheets and towels, plus my uber-wet, still-dripping clothes from yesterday, and started cleaning up the lounge room.

It seemed incredible. Yesterday was so dark and wet and, even more crazy, my mum had had a baby right in here. I stood in the exact same spot Mum had been in and looked around me. This was what Faith had seen on her first ever day in the world.

I plumped some cushions and stacked them (Mum's way, not Dad's) and headed back down the hall to what yesterday I called 'the baby nursery' but which would now always be 'Faith's room'. I shook my head. More crazy-pants stuff. Yesterday I had no baby sister, just the threat of one that I knew I'd hate. Today, I couldn't get the most gorgeous baby in the world--who I'd named, and who I'd helped to birth--out of my thoughts.

I stood by the side of the cot and patted the yellow and white mobile Mum must have put up some time. It was so strange that I'd had no idea, and no interest, about what was going on in this room. Now it was the most important room in the house.

'How did I miss this?' My words were quiet. I was speaking them to myself, but also out loud. Things you say in actual time and space have more weight than thoughts that just zoom through your head. 'What was I seeing instead?'

I knew what I'd been seeing. I knew what I'd been focusing on. And that day, it seemed laughably small.

I turned my head slowly. This was the view Faith would be seeing every day for a long time. I wanted to know it completely so I could share it with her. Cot, cupboard, giraffe painting, window.

Through the glass, I saw the horse shelter in the distance. I smiled. Faith would be able to see Fozzles and Mika--and Cupcake too, when she came back from Ness's place--every day.

I ran out of the room, and out through the laundry onto the deck to get a better view. Fozzles was gently grazing and Mika was gambolling (there was no other word for it) around close to her, her head up in the breeze and her tail streaming out behind her. She sniffed, and then trotted over to Fozzles, bent her head under her tummy and took a long drink of milk. In my throat, a lump grew and then settled at the back, out of reach, but so I knew it was there.

'I got it wrong,' I said to myself. Again, out loud, because it matters that way. 'This is what's right.'

The phone rang. The signal must have been fixed at the tower. I swallowed down the lump in my throat and ran in to hear Tessa's voice on the other end.

'So is it true you named her?' she asked, super-fast and excited. 'Was the whole birth thing gross? I was asking Mum, but she didn't say much. Did you faint? Could you even watch? Did you see everything--? Like, you know, _every_ thing?'

'It was cool.' I smiled back at her down the phone line. 'And I didn't faint at all. And yeah, Faith. I named her, and she's amazing.'

She asked more questions and I gave more answers (yes, Mum was screaming; no, there wasn't blood all over the floor, and yes, goo and gross stuff. But then again, Tessa says she wants to be a nurse-- _if_ she can handle it, she says--so she likes to find out about the gory bits).

'Is she coming home soon?'

'I guess so. About four. They left a note for me.' I looked at the clock. It was only ten past two.

Tessa's voice got excited again. 'So do you want to come and train today? Mum and I are doing some riding. Inter-schools is only five days away. You could come down and do some rounds on Cupcake. She's here anyway, so you might as well.'

Around me, the air seemed to go still, like the earth was taking a pause from turning. It was a moment of decision; I could almost see my choices suspended in front of my eyes. _Go riding. Or don 't._

'You know what?' My voice was firm. 'I don't really want to. But thanks.'

I spent the two hours, plus a bit more--they were late--cleaning, patting Mika and Fozzles, and lying on the floor in Faith's room, learning every inch of every wall and every spot of the giraffe in the painting.

Finally, I heard the low growl of the diesel engine coming down the drive, and the familiar sounds of the car being pulled up outside. I ran to the front door and down the steps, and pulled open Mum's door.

'Sweetie!' She gave me a hug with both arms. It felt like her hugs used to feel; firm, warm and comfortable.

'You're back.' I grinned at her.

'A-OK?'

'Double A-OK. How's Faith?' I stuck my head over the seat so I could see in the back. 'Oh, so cute.' Fizz was dressed in a pink one-piece suit, with a little hat to match. Her eyes were closed and she seemed almost too small for the baby capsule she was in.

'I'll bring her in.' Dad had to show me how to unclip the capsule (it was tricky) but we managed. I tried to carry her so that the capsule didn't move at all, but then I relaxed. A little bit of rocking had to be good for babies, right? I mean, they get rocked around for nine months in their mum's tummies. They'd be used to it.

After the hustle and bustle of getting bags out and the slamming of car doors, all of us were in the lounge room, sitting around, just looking at this baby, Faith, who had somehow just arrived out of nowhere, to be part of our family. Six faces--two older and (presumably) wiser, three of us teenagers, all so different, and one tiny one, pink and round, perfectly innocent.

'Were they sure she was okay to come home?' I asked. 'Because she's four weeks early and everything.'

'They did heaps of checking,' said Dad. 'She's feeding really well. They'll send out someone every day for two weeks to check on her too.'

'Good,' I said to Faith, making big eyes and a relieved face. 'You're a clever girl, aren't you?'

'There's lasagne in the freezer, Coco,' said Mum. 'Can you and Josh get it out and make some salad? We'll have it for dinner as soon as it's ready. I'm _so_ hungry.'

'Tea?' I offered, tearing myself away from Faith's gorgeousness. 'And a cracker while you're waiting?'

'I could really use a coffee,' she said, and I smiled.

'Coming right up.'

We had dinner on the deck, with Faith sleeping in her capsule nearby, and then, when she stirred, Mum got up. 'I'll feed her on my bed, and then I'll head to bed myself. While the baby sleeps, I should sleep too. I'll be up later in the night.'

Dad started to pick up Faith as Mum got up, but I took her from his arms. 'I'll do it.'

I followed Mum into her room and watched as she settled Faith into a feeding position. I lay down beside them, propped up on one elbow.

'Ness called by this morning,' said Mum. 'I thanked her again.'

'She was great yesterday. I don't know what I would have done if it had just been me.'

'Well, we wouldn't have had her here without what you did.'

I smiled at her and she grinned back.

'She said the Inter-schools event is in five days. I'd forgotten it was so close. I think everything's just kind of jumbled up my brain. Did you go down to train with Tessa and her this afternoon?'

'No, I've decided not to do it anymore.'

Her face flashed from normal to shocked in about a millisecond. 'What? Not ride anymore?'

'No. I mean, of course I'll ride.' I made a face at her like, 'don't be silly'. 'It's just the events. I'm giving up show jumping. After today, it doesn't seem important. I'd rather be at home with Faith and Mika.'

Mum looked down at Faith for a moment, who was guzzling so loud that I could hear her. Obviously learning good eating manners kicks in at a later age. She looked up again. 'That's sweet, but I think you're wrong.'

Now it was my turn to look shocked.

'Yes, family's important,' Mum said. 'Babies are important. And they're gorgeous, but you still need to do all the other things of life.'

'But I don't care about it anymore.' My voice sounded whiny. 'All I wanted to do was win before, and now I don't mind if Baylor wins everything.' It was true. Baylor winning all the blue ribbons and the Champion ribbons actually seemed like a pretty good option to me. I was so happy with my Mum and my baby sister, and Mika and Fozzles, and yes, with all the others--Coco and Josh and Dad, that all I wanted was for everyone else to be happy too.

'That may be so right now,' Mum said. Her voice was serious. 'But when have you ever quit anything?'

'I'm not a quitter.' I sat up on the bed, defensive. 'Anyway, this isn't quitting. This is deciding to stay home. Higher priorities.'

Mum sat up too, gathering Faith in her arms to keep her feeding. 'Take a day. Really think about this. Maybe you don't feel as competitive as you did. But you're talented and you've got potential, and you'll be wasting it if you don't at least try.' She smiled. 'And if that doesn't make you do it, think of me. I've missed all your events, but I'll definitely be coming to this one. Faith and I want to see you ride. And win.'

# 25

# Chapter 25

All night I thought I wouldn't go to the event. I even dreamed about not going. Then, in the morning, I changed my mind. The day was so shiny and perfect, the horses looked so great, and I thought of Faith. How cool would it be for her to see a horse event at a week old? I'd do it for her.

So I started training again. Cupcake and I jumped and trotted and cantered, and practiced getting clear rounds for five straight days. At school, Coco and I showed off pictures of Faith to the girls, so they could _ooh_ and _aah_ and goo and gaa. In the afternoon I trained with Tessa and Ness and at night I scrambled out as little homework as I could get away with, and held Faith, so Mum could have a rest.

Coco's new obsession was Faith's outfits. She was getting up early in the morning (for Coco) and laying out different jumpsuits and headbands and little tiny skirts for her, with strict instructions for Mum to _only_ dress her in the chosen clothes for the day.

The fact that Faith chucked up her milk and dribbled and generally made baby-type messes only made Coco happier. 'She gets to change, like five times a day,' she said the first day, when she realised that the morning outfit she'd dressed her in was different from the clothes she was wearing on our return home from school. 'There are _so_ many possibilities, now.'

I didn't care what little Fizz wore. I just liked to sit with her, out on the deck, or even take her for a little walk around the farm, not too far from the house, showing her things. 'That's a sunset. There's the grass. Can you hear the kookaburras? And this is the smell of jasmine. Take a sniff.'

'Are you sure she can come to the event?' I asked Mum all week. 'It's not too early for her to go out?'

'She's going to be fine.' Even with broken sleep, Mum seemed almost as energetic as she'd been before she got pregnant. 'It helps to not be throwing up every hour,' she'd told us the third day, when we kept telling her to go and have a nap. 'I feel like a new woman.' Now she scruffled my hair. 'We can't wait to come.'

It used to be that having Mum at a race kept my nerves away, but this time, the promise of her turning up with Fizzy was making me crazy. Even though Cupcake was jumping well and Ness was really pleased, the night before the event, I felt like my stomach was going nuts. Butterflies, with outboard motors attached to them, were buzzing inside me, giving me the jitters.

And my thoughts were all over the place; I didn't want to do it, but I really, really wanted to do it. I didn't much care about winning, but I wanted to do my best for Faith. And not caring about winning was so crazy-weird for me, Charlie Franks, who's wanted to win everything my whole life, that I was extra-worried about that too. Would I be able to keep my focus or would I just fall apart?

The one thing I wasn't nervous about was Baylor, surprisingly. If being mean was the way she knew how to be competitive, I was sorry for her, and that was all. If she wanted to steal my Champion ribbon for whatever reason, I figured she must have really needed it. It was only a bit of coloured felt, after all. I could spare it.

I smiled to myself. A month ago, if you'd told me I'd think about it like that, I'd have said you were crazy. But Faith hadn't been born then. And poor Baylor would probably never, ever get to have a baby sister, let alone ride through a storm for her or be there at her birth. If Baylor was going to beat me on the day, so be it. I didn't have a problem with it anymore.

Coco, however, didn't feel the same way. She bounced into my room the night before the event with a shopping bag in her hands. 'It's a present. Unwrapped, sorry.' She looked slightly awkward, but also pleased with herself. 'It's because I'm not coming with you. You're still okay with that, right?'

I nodded. 'We're going to be okay, Cupcake and I. And I know it's not your thing.' I eyed the bag. 'What is this about?'

She handed it to me and smiled. A great, big, wide smile. 'You don't just have to beat Baylor in the arena, you know.'

I gave her an odd look. The bag felt soft, like it had material in it. _Clothes?_ 'Where did you get these?'

She rolled her eyes. 'I bought them, obviously.'

'But you never have any money.'

'That's what you think.' She grinned again and jumped and down. 'Open it.'

I put my hand in the bag and pulled out a beautifully folded, brand new pair of white jodhpurs and a crisp, white shirt. And chaps. Soft, black leather chaps that felt like butter under my fingers.

'Oh!' I laid them on the bed and looked at them. 'You're right,' I said, without even thinking.

'Right about what?' Coco landed on the bed next to the shirt and looked up at me with a cheeky grin.

'Nothing. I mean...' I couldn't finish what I wanted to say. Instead, I just sat there and looked at the clothes and at my sister, who I'd laughed at so many times just because she liked clothes. And now, with this outfit in front of me, I understood. Sure, I probably wasn't ever going to lay out six different styles to choose from just to make sure I was dressed exactly right to go out to dinner, but, for maybe the first time in my life, I got it. A great outfit made a difference.

'That is _so_ nice of you.' I hugged her. 'So, _so_ kind.' I wiped my eyes without her seeing me. A stray tear was sneaking out and there was no way I was going to give Coco _that_ particular satisfaction. 'I can't even--'

'Try them on,' she urged, so I did.

Once again, I was amazed. If I ever write my memoirs, it's going to be called _Charlie Franks gets the biggest surprise of her life, in fact, lots of surprises, over and over again_. It was true. In the mirror I saw a girl who was strong and confident about winning, but also about _not_ winning. I had never realised that could be a thing.

The morning came too quickly, or maybe I just didn't sleep that well, thinking about everything and anything, but at five am I pulled myself out of bed, tromped outside across dewy grass in the cool morning fog, and set to work getting Cupcake ready under the shelter.

'Big day, today. You and me.' Mika nuzzled at my hand and Fozzles called her away. 'It's okay, there's always time for that.'

Cupcake and I went in the float with Ness and Tessa, who eyed off my new outfit. 'Nice,' she said. 'And your chaps. So gorgeous. Where'd you get them?'

'Coco bought everything.' I did a little twirl. 'Like?'

'Like a lot.' She almost looked envious. 'Coco chooses really nice things.'

I thought about it for a second and then agreed. 'Yes, she does.'

Mum and Fizz were coming later, driving down together with Dad, who said he had some kind of business at a rural supplies shop near the equestrian centre, but who, I suspected, just wanted to make sure Mum wasn't going to crash the car from lack of sleep from being up with the baby. He'd tried to make her stay home, but she'd been insistent.

'This is a big event for Charlie. And I haven't been to any of her events all year, so Fizz and I are definitely going. Even if I have to nap in the car in the afternoon.'

When we arrived at the equestrian centre, Ness parked and Tessa and I got out the horses and set them up with what they needed. I looked around nervously. It was different from a show; there were tents and camping stuff set up off to the side, heaps of people, and loads more official-looking jackets. Everywhere I looked there were groups of kids--kids laughing, walking together, riding together. Kids and horses, kids and parents, kids and food. There were stalls for the horses, sand arenas for dressage marked out with letters, and, as far as I could see, grass arenas, cordoned off with bunting.

Some of the riders were already starting warm-ups. They looked good, with nice form and great-looking horses. I shivered with nerves but told myself it was a useful thing. Mum would be there soon and as she always said, a bit of adrenaline is awesome for helping you focus. That's what she used to tell me at athletic meets, anyway. It helped me get through the times before the races when I'd wanted to either run away or throw up.

Tessa and I were doing a lap of the area, checking everything out, when I spotted Baylor at the fence line. She didn't look like she wanted to throw up at all. Every bit of the 'I'm better than you' classic Baylor facial expression was out in force, but then she moved her hand to scratch her arm and I could tell from the fumbling way she did it that she actually was human after all, and was feeling nerves. _Poor thing._

'Wait a sec, Tessa.' I walked over to say hello.

'Hey,' I said to Baylor. 'I hope you do well today.' I gave her a smile. 'I'm sure you will.'

A small but strong look of confusion passed over her face. She moved her eyebrows slightly, but then seemed to pull herself together and stand tall again. 'Thanks,' she said, a little stiffly, but I wasn't offended. I just shrugged a little, smiled and started back to Tessa.

'Charlie?'

Baylor's voice called out from behind me. I turned in surprise, and saw her fumbling with her bag.

'Yes?'

She took a step towards me, pulling something out of it as she did. Something gold and purple. Something made of felt. Something with black letters on it.

My Champion ribbon.

She held it out to me.

I stood still, almost frozen, holding my breath.

'I think this might be yours. I found it a while ago. I keep forgetting to give it back.'

'Oh, okay.'

I held out my hand for it, and she put it across my fingers. 'Sorry.'

A second passed, and then I said, 'That's okay.' I looked down at the ribbon, and then up at Baylor, who somehow seemed smaller. 'Thank you.' I smiled at her, and meant it, and she seemed relieved somehow, like I'd said something else; something to take whatever guilt she had away. Whatever guilt it was, I didn't mind. I was glad to have the ribbon back, but I didn't need it anymore.

I turned back to Tessa and walked on with her to Cupcake and the other horses.

'Do you think she really did, you know, steal it?' whispered Tessa once we were out of earshot.

'I don't know. And it doesn't matter now.' I folded it up and tucked it in a pocket of my backpack.

Soon Mum and Faith arrived with bags and camp chairs, dropped off by Dad, who said he'd be back soon, he just had to duck out for a bit. Mum rolled her eyes and grinned. 'He just can't drive past those rural supplies stores. He has to go in and check them out, even though they all seem the same to me.'

'Over here in the shade?' I suggested, taking the chairs from her and setting them up against a fence line. 'You should be able to see everything.' I scanned the view; the paths, leading up to the stands and the canteen, and the arena, where there were already horses waiting for their round. The younger age groups were getting started. Primary school kids, according to the announcer on the microphone.

In the distance, I saw a palomino enter out into the arena, a small girl on its back. They jumped, circled and rounded the corners to jump again. It was a clear round, and I clapped as the palomino moved out of the ground. I followed it with my eyes and saw an older boy in a hat giving the girl rider a high five.

My stomach fell for a second. _Jake Smith._

I let out a breath. _Here? Again?_

_No. It 's okay._ I took hold of my own hand and breathed in. Jake Smith was there, it was true, and things might be the same as last time. But I was different. Jake Smith wasn't going to make me fall off my horse again. I was here with Fizz and Mum, riding for Fizz and Mum.

'And for myself too.' I whispered it aloud, my words tumbling into the breeze.

I felt a squeeze on my shoulder. It was Mum, holding Faith up to my face. Her eyes were open; in the sunshine they were a vivid shade of blue.

'Faith says you can win,' said Mum.

'I don't care about winning,' I said. 'I really don't. But I'll do my very, very best for her.'

# 26

# Chapter 26

Cupcake was awesome. She really was. Somehow, a terrible, storming afternoon and a walk across a flooded creek had bonded us. All week, I'd noticed it at training. We were a team; together, not two separate personalities. It wasn't a case of a girl trying to ride her sister's horse anymore. Cupcake was on my side, and I was on her side.

The events looked fierce. 'So many competitors,' I said to Mum. There were horses everywhere, and riders who looked like they'd been glued to their saddles since the age of two and a half.

'Yes, but they aren't all your age, and they aren't all doing show jumping.' She shifted Faith so that her little face was peeking out over Mum's shoulder.

'That's true.' I took a deep breath to calm my nerves. 'They're calling my section. I'd better go.' I sprang up and adjusted my jodhpurs. 'Watch me, okay?'

We walked the course first, as usual. It gave me a chance to plan out how I would time the jumps, and to see where Cupcake would be strongest, so as to gain more time. I talked with Ness about corners, directions and pacing out the jump and then got the shivers, hoping I'd be able to remember it all and take the right line at the right time. The jumps themselves were doable, of course. I'd cleared those heights before, and I felt confident.

Baylor looked confident too. She was looking away from me and not walking near me at all. Maybe it was coincidence, but I had a feeling it was on purpose. I didn't mind. Instead, I looked for a chance to smile at her and wish her well. It never came. I shrugged to myself. It didn't matter.

Then it began. The first riders went through, then the next ones.

'Everyone with a clear round gets to go into the jump-offs,' I explained to Mum after my turn.

'Was yours a clear round? I still don't know all the rules.'

'Yeah. It's like high jump. If the rail stays on, you're still in.'

There were ten of us in the jump-offs. The first rider went through the course, confident until the fourth jump and then shaken, when her horse refused, and then clipped its hoof on the pole.

'That was close,' whispered one of the girls standing next to me, watching.

'Yeah, but it made her slower,' said another. They were twitching with nerves, eyes big and fearful. I thought of Fizz and turned my head around to find her and Mum across the other side of the arena. They saw me and Mum waved, and I felt better again.

Six riders came back with clear rounds and average times. Two had their horses refuse a jump at first, but one was a lot faster than the other. Two boy riders knocked a rail each, both on the fourth jump. There was something there that was upsetting the horses.

I could see Baylor, in the line behind me, breathing firmly and clenching her fingers in and out, then wiping them on her white jodhpurs. Hers looked new, and her shirt as well. She looked good. I stole a quick glance down at myself and smiled. I looked good too. Coco was a legend. Maybe next time she asked to borrow some money I'd lend it to her.

Then it was my turn; the third last rider to take the arena. As they called my name, I breathed in deeply.

'It's for Faith.' I felt as strong and confident as I had ever been. Cupcake and I swung out together, rounding the first corner and controlling it up to the first jump. It was a clean take-off, lots of air, and a perfect landing. 'Good job.'

I focused on the second. 'Next one, now.' The second jump was perfect, and the third, but at the fourth, Cupcake shied a little.

'It's okay. You can do this. With me. Together.' I urged her on, and she broke into a run and then a take-off, and _whoosh_ , we were over again. No poles on the ground. No time penalties. 'Awesome!' We rounded the next corner, and the next one after that, and then we were on the approach to the last jump. 'This is it. Nice and clean. Straight over and up.' I squeezed her forward and she took us high, with every bit of spring she had. 'Good girl, Cupcake. Good girl.'

It was a clear round, and my time was good: 64.5. The fastest of anyone so far.

I saw Mum walking up quickly, with Faith in her arms. She stood behind the fence and called me over. 'You didn't hit any of them.'

'I know.' I swung my leg over Cupcake and let myself down to the ground. 'Did Faith watch?' Little Fizz was asleep, her eyes closed, and her mouth partly open, like a tiny flower.

'She's been asleep the whole time, but I watched.' She grinned at me. You did great, as far as I could see. Nothing knocked over. Does it mean you've won?'

I looked out into the arena. The second last rider, a boy, was rounding the fifth jump. We watched him take the approach, and then stop, his horse refusing.

'Not yet. Maybe. It depends on what the last rider does.'

'Who's the last rider?' Mum squinted in the sun, trying to see. 'That one there? She's got a beautiful horse.'

Mum pointed at the big black gelding, on which the last rider of the section was sitting, waiting to go out.

Baylor.

'Yes, she's the last one.' I swallowed. Suddenly I didn't feel so confident any more. 'She won it last year.'

Mum squeezed my hand. 'You've done so well, sweetheart. And it's not over yet.'

She turned with me to watch Baylor canter out into the arena. The starter horn went and she took the first corner and the first jump flawlessly. The second was the same, and the third was perfect too.

'Now for the fourth,' I murmured, but Baylor didn't even pause. She urged her horse forward and he took the jump like he'd been born flying.

'Wow. Cupcake didn't like that one.'

'It's okay,' said Mum. 'Just wait.'

Baylor's round was almost as perfect as it could be. She took the three next obstacles without even blinking, and then it was up to the last jump. She rounded the corner, cantered up to the jump, and flew over it with inches to spare.

I let out the air that had been collecting in my lungs in one big breath. 'That's it. No penalties.'

'We just have to wait for them to announce the times,' said Mum.

'It'll come up on that screen. Just wait for it.'

It came up.

It was quicker than me.

It was 63.9.

Baylor had won. There was a smile on her face so big it looked like someone might fall into it if they got too close.

Baylor would be the one to go through to State. Baylor would be the one to have a chance at Nationals. Baylor would be the one who could boast all year about winning the Schools event.

And I was perfectly okay with that.

The realisation took over my body in a quiet rush of gladness. I smiled, and almost stood on tiptoes as the 'okayness' of it all burst up from my toes to my head, all in a gush.

'You alright?' said Mum. She patted Faith, who was stirring. 'So close--'

I shrugged my shoulders. 'I'm fine. I really am. I'm not just saying it.'

The officials announced the results and the times, and our section lined up for ribbons and congratulations. They gave out a yellow ribbon for fourth, and then a white one for third, and then moved on to second.

'A very close runner-up today,' intoned the announcer. 'With a clear round, and very good time. Charlie Franks and Cupcake.'

I walked forward with Cupcake and a lady with jodhpurs and a wide hat placed a red ribbon around Cupcake's neck. Cupcake made a snorting noise but I put my hand on her neck and reassured her. 'It's okay.' She quietened down.

'And of course, we have our champion,' went on the announcer. 'Retaining her title from last year, and with a clear round and flawless progress, Baylor Tharion and Napoleon.'

Baylor moved out to receive her ribbon and I clapped hard, almost disturbing Cupcake's peace of mind. She shifted away from me slightly, to avoid the noise.

From in front of me, Baylor looked around and caught my eye. She looked wary, as if she might be worried about my reaction, so I quickly smiled--a big, broad, genuine smile--and gave her a thumbs up. 'Good job,' I mouthed to her, and her face went from wary to confused, and looked away quickly.

When she came back to the gate, I pushed through the crush of people and horses.

'Baylor. Hey.' I stuck out my hand. 'Congratulations. You did a really great job.'

She shook my hand, not that she had much choice, but she didn't grip it tightly, and her face still looked a bit wary.

'Cupcake stalled on jump four,' I said. 'Napoleon was perfect. He just went straight around. It was really cool to watch. You did a great job.'

'Oh. Um, thanks.' She gave me a look like she was expecting me to suddenly jump out at her and say, 'Oh ha ha, only kidding, I actually _hate_ you' but when I didn't do it, she let out a tiny, curious smile. 'That's really nice of you.'

I winked at her and grinned. 'I'll get you next year. I've got all year to train.'

She seemed shocked, but then she grinned back. And it was a real grin. A proper, twinkle-in-your-eye type grin. 'Whatever you do, I'll do twice over.'

'Deal?'

'Deal.'

My heart felt warm.

Tessa placed fourth in her section, and Ness was full of equal parts praise, criticism and comfort. 'You did great,' she said, followed by, 'You've got to practice riding more softly. Not as much pull on the mouth,' and, 'There's always next year.'

'Want to get a drink, Tessa?' I asked. She looked like she needed to escape from her mum.

'Totally.'

'We'll go up to the canteen. I saw some people with milkshakes.'

Tessa's eyes popped out of her head. 'Chocolate? Lead the way.'

We left Mum, Faith and Ness with the horses and headed up to the concrete concourse at the top of the arena, where kids in jodhpurs, jackets and helmets, and their parents and coaches were milling; some looking out at the events, some with smiles, and some in tears.

There was a sudden pull at my arm.

'Charlie!' Tessa's voice was urgent. 'Ahead of us.'

'What?' But she could hardly answer. Instead, she just half-pointed, half-indicated with her chin to a person in a hat, queued up for the canteen, about three people in front.

My heart dropped into my stomach.

_Jake Smith._

Jake Smith getting a milkshake.

Jake Smith!

I let out a whistly breath, fished up my heart and blue-tacked it back into its normal spot. _One day Faith might meet Jake Smith,_ I thought. _That would be cool._

I shrugged at Tessa. 'It's okay. We'll see what happens.'

We stood, three people behind Jake Smith, and waited for the canteen workers to serve all the customers. There were two of them, harried and hustling, grabbing pies and lollies and drinks, and filling orders for milkshakes.

Jake's order was obviously a big one; he had two milkshakes on the counter in front of him and another one in the mixer to the side, and he looked like he was still deliberating about what flavour of chips he wanted. One canteen worker was looking after him, while the other was serving the kids in front of us, who just wanted lollies. They scrabbled their loot into their hands and left. The other canteen worker gave us an eyebrow. 'Can I help you?'

Tessa could hardly move, let alone speak, so I ordered for both of us. 'Hi. Can I get a chocolate milkshake and a caramel one with malt, please?'

_I 'm standing next to Jake Smith. We're both ordering milkshakes._

I kept it together.

He looked over at me. Then he looked again. 'Malt?'

I looked back.

_Jake Smith is talking to me._

'Always malt.'

'Would you have malt with strawberry?'

' _Always_ malt.' I grinned. 'Malt wins. Malt is the boss. Malt is where it's at.'

He nodded. 'Okay, then.' He gave me a look out of thinned eyes. 'I recognise you. Aren't you the girl who fell off her horse at the show, like three weeks ago?'

The blu-tack on my heart started to slip, so I gave it a firm push and took a deep breath. 'Yep. That's me.'

His eyebrow went up. 'Back on the horse?'

My eyebrow matched his. 'We sorted out our differences.'

He nodded again. Slowly. Like he was impressed. 'Okay.' The canteen woman put the third milkshake in front of him and stood, waiting for payment, like she was impatient. He pulled out his wallet. 'And, I think, a packet of salt and vinegar chips, thanks.'

She made a teeny tiny sniffing sound, found the chips and put them down on the counter. Jake gave her a fifty, and she took it to the cash register to find change.

He turned to me and held out his hand. 'I've seen you round. I'm Jake Smith.'

_I know,_ I thought. _Believe me, I know._ But I didn't say it. I just thought of Faith and was super cool.

'This is Tessa.' I moved aside and pointed to my friend, still silent like she thought she might fall into the ground if she moved or spoke. 'And I'm Charlie Franks.' I met his hand and shook it, and electric buzzers went off in my brain, while I pretended that I was perfectly okay.

'Cool.' He held my hand while we shook, and kept it for just a second longer than he needed to. Then he nodded again, and scooped up his chips and milkshakes carefully in both hands. 'I guess I'll see you around.'

I nodded at him, then smiled. 'I guess so.'

# 27

# Chapter 27

When Ness and Tessa dropped me home, after the day was over, Mum invited them in for dinner. Dad had insisted she and Faith come home straight after my event to have a nap. It had obviously worked; she looked fresh and energetic again.

'James is here anyway,' she said. She had a white baby towel over her shoulder. Faith was pressed up against it while Mum patted her back. 'And we've still got lots of food in the freezer. You don't want to have to cook when you get home.' She gestured with her head towards the kitchen. 'David's heating up a curry and rice, and Josh is making a salad.'

'Josh is making a salad?' asked Tessa. She grinned. 'I have to see this.'

'It'll be inedible,' I said. 'But the curry's good.' I ducked instinctively, expecting Josh to throw something at me, even though he was through two doors and around a corner.

'We'll stay,' said Ness. 'That's kind.' She looked pleased, but concerned. 'And then we'll clean up for you and go straight home. You must be exhausted.'

Mum shrugged. 'Tired, but happy. Finally, I can do things again.'

By the time Tessa and I had sorted out the horses, everyone was gathering out on the deck. Mum had settled down in a chair with a tall lemon squash with ice cubes next to her. I poured one for myself, clinking the cubes in my glass, and sat next to her, looking out at the view. In the distance, Mika and Fozzles and Cupcake were eating grass, flicking their tails and lifting their heads occasionally to shake their manes.

Coco wheeled Faith out, who was tucked into her pram, her little blue eyes peeking out from under a pink bow.

'Isn't she cute?' gushed Coco to James. 'See? The bow goes with the cardigan.'

He looked unsure, like he didn't know what he was supposed to say.

I laughed at him. 'You'll have to do better than that, James. This is the best looking baby in the whole area. And best dressed too.'

'Did you put avocados in?' Tessa was talking to Josh, who seemed unsure as well, like he didn't know to make of Tessa's sudden interest in salad vegetables. I grinned to myself. If Tessa wanted Josh, she'd have to work a bit harder than that.

Ness and Dad came out, carrying serving dishes. 'Make room,' said Dad. 'These are hot.' He put them down carefully, lifted the lids and ladled out plates of steaming rice and curry.

For a few minutes there was silence; the food was good and if everyone was as hungry as I was, there was nothing else to think about except getting it into us as quickly as possible.

Finally, Ness pushed her plate away. 'Delicious.' She looked out towards the horses, then back to me. 'You did well today. Next year on Fozzles, you could make it to State if you want to.'

'She can do anything if she wants to,' said Coco, chewing probably more noisily than she realised. Even Coco's manners slipped on curry nights.

'She can,' said Ness.

'She's always been like that,' said Mum. Her voice got into that remembering-the-good-old-days tone she sometimes gets, mostly when she's about to tell embarrassing stories about us kids. 'Ever since she was a little girl, if she wanted something enough she'd do it. She just has to have confidence.'

My face was getting hot and it wasn't from the dinner.

'Stop it.' I made a funny face at them, like, _hey, I 'm embarrassed here._

'You can do it, you know.' Tessa looked up from the huge pile of salad on her plate. 'You can go to State next year.'

'She didn't do it this year.'

That was from Josh. I swiped out to hit him over the head, but missed and hit the back of his chair instead. It hurt my thumb. 'Ow,' I said, and sucked it. Faith let out a little tiny breath and cry, and suddenly all the focus was off me and on her. I felt better.

Was it true, what Mum said? If I wanted something enough, had I always gotten it? Maybe. Or maybe not. I had really, really wanted to get to State for jumping this year. But what I discovered was that by wanting it too much, I made myself a little bit crazy. It was only when I stopped wanting it so much, when I took it out of the box that said 'The Most Important Things' and put the things that actually belonged in there--having a sister, loving my mum and looking out for other people along the way--that I discovered a confidence that was bigger, deeper and stronger than any confidence I'd ever felt before. With it came something I'd never known before either--that it's okay to try your best and not make it.

I sat back, sipped my drink, crushed an ice cube between my teeth and looked around me. Maybe Baylor was better at riding than me. Or maybe she wasn't. Maybe I had just needed to train more. Maybe all the things that had happened this year--changing horses, going to a new school, Mum being unwell--had an effect, maybe not. I didn't know. I really didn't. But it wasn't important either, because I would get another chance next year. I had heaps more confidence, and I had something that was more important than winning--my family and my friends.

And Faith and Mika.

And Fozzles, who was now well enough to ride again, according to Ness.

'Just go gently,' she said to me, as she finished the washing up and herded Tessa and James out the door. 'Come on, James. You'll see Coco again tomorrow.' She looked at me intently, as though she didn't quite trust me. 'Go easy on her, okay? Not too much, and not too hard.' She looked back. 'And not too long. Mika will miss her.'

It was okay. After a lot of hard riding, I was pretty happy to go slow and steady, and the next morning, Fozzles and I got saddled up. We left Mika with Cupcake and Coco, and instructions to ring us the instant Mika started to get upset.

'Go,' said Coco, when I'd checked for the seventh or eighth time that Cupcake was fine, and Mika was okay, and everyone was alright with us leaving. 'We'll be fine.' So Fozzles and I went for a ride.

We headed down the paddocks towards the creek, now just a tiny sliver of silver water dancing across small rocks. 'Imagine it, Fozzles.' I laughed to her. 'It was nuts. And you know what Cupcake's like.' Fozzles snorted and shook her head, and I laughed again. 'If it ever happens again, I'll be riding you. Actually...' I stopped talking and bit my lip. 'It had better not ever happen again.'

We kept going onto the path which leads to the rock face and my favourite view ever, out over the bush and the farms of Budgong, right out to the coast and the sea.

'Perfect. You and me here. This is just how it should be.' But even as I said it, I knew it wasn't. There was something missing. Two things missing, in fact. It would take some waiting, I knew, but in a few years, it would be perfect.

'Let's go home,' I said to Fozzles. 'There's something we need to do.'

Coco yelled at me as we walked up the farm to where she was waiting with the horses. 'I didn't even ring you.'

'Look at her.' I pointed to Mika, who was going crazy now she'd seen Fozzles, lolloping around like a baby lamb, but with longer legs and a flickier tail.

'That's so cute. Adorable.' She considered a moment, her head to one side. 'I'm so glad I let George Michael in the paddock, you know.'

I gave her a look. 'Yeah, right. Next time, check with me. Or let him in with Cupcake.'

I saw the hint of an idea start in Coco's face, travel up to her brain, sit there for a little bit and get fatter, and come down to near her mouth.

'Hmmm,' she said, but it was a happy 'hmmm', not a grumpy one.

'"Hmmm" indeed. Come inside with me. I have to get something.'

'Get what?' But I wouldn't tell her until we were in the lounge room, and I was borrowing Faith from Mum, who'd just finished feeding her.

'I haven't changed her,' she called after us. 'You'll have to do the nappy for me. And don't blame me if it's a full one.'

'It's okay, I'm on it.'

Coco followed me down to the fence. 'So close to the horses so early?' She looked unsure.

'I'm being careful. And if she doesn't start now, when will she?'

I opened the gate and went through into the paddock, up to Fozzles and Mika, who'd calmed down from the exhilaration of being reunited with her mother. Holding Faith close and still with one arm, I took her hand out with my other arm to give Mika a pat. The baby foal nosed her way in to me, close and warm by my side.

'She can be your horse,' I said to Faith. 'You can ride her, and I'll teach you everything I know.' I looked around me; the grass and trees were glowing in the sunlight; the blue sky went on forever. There were so many possibilities in life. So much to do. And now I had someone to take along with me.

Faith's fingers found the sprouting hairs of Mika's baby foal mane, and closed over them. Mika tossed her head a little, trying to get free, and I laughed. I'd had Faith's hands in my hair before, and it had hurt.

'Let go.' I gently prised her fingers free. Mika galloped away, frisking in the grass. Faith's eyes followed her and then came back to me. 'You don't cling too tightly.' I made a big 'look at me' smile on my face. 'Hold things gently, okay?'

Faith's mouth opened, then the corner of her lips went up for just a second, but it was enough.

'You smiled at me,' I cooed. My face opened in delight. 'You gave me a smile.' I shifted her into both arms and started walking quickly up to the fence. 'She's smiling at me,' I called to Coco. 'You should see this.'

'Seriously? A real smile?'

'I think so. I really do. We need to get a picture of it--show Mum and Dad.'

And the two of us, twin sisters, with our new baby sister, on a perfect evening, walked back into the house.

THE END

# Also in the Coco and Charlie Franks Series

###

### Have you read them yet?

## Love and Muddy Puddles

Thirteen year old fashionista Coco Franks has finally made it into the popular group at school when her dad decides to move the whole family to the country so they can 'bond'. Social death is looming, her shoes are covered in mud and all Coco wants to do is get herself back to her city friends.

It'll take a boy with no dress sense and totally hick boots, and a contrary horse called Cupcake to bring Coco to her senses. But it might just be too little, too late.

_... and a short story..._

## Six Words That Wreck Your Life

Her mum has just dropped some terrible news that has Coco _convinced_ her life is going to be over for _ever._ Like, for reals. It'll take some smart talking from Charlie to help her see that it doesn't matter what people think-- _really._

# Acknowledgements

I really loved writing Coco's story back in _Love and Muddy Puddles,_ the first book of this series, and I was a bit afraid that Charlie might not be quite so much fun, but, as you can imagine, it turned out just fine, and I was able to put her in enough terrible situations to keep it amusing and challenging. Thanks to all the readers who kept emailing me, asking when the sequel was coming out, and keeping me on track. (You know who you are.)

Really big, super-huge thanks go to the _real_ Franks family, who actually exist in real life, even though I have taken so many liberties with their characters so as to make them almost unrecognisable throughout these two books. When I gave the manuscript to Deb (the mum) to read through, she said, "This is weird. We don't yell at the kids." There are lots of other little differences, for which I apologise, dear Deb, but I still say _thank you_ for letting me use you and your beautiful family in my writing. Deb also helped with horsey details and show jumping stuff. She's a riding instructor, so I learned all about things like 'impulsion and direction'. Extra special thanks go to the _real_ Charlie and the real Faith, who have been kind enough to let me write about them and make them into fiction. And a shout out to Christine, the Franks' real life grandma, who lives with them on the farm, and who keeps asking when she's going to get her own story line. (If you want to see glimpses of the real Franks family, head to www.kangaroovalleyhorses.com and check out their gorgeous property. Or, if you're local and you can, go on a ride with them.)

Clever Izzy E gave me the name for Mika the foal. It means 'moon' in an Aboriginal language.

Massive thanks also to Sue and Aria B, who let me into the world of show jumping and gave me the deets on some of the local comps. Readers who live in New South Wales will recognise that, actually, you don't have to qualify to enter in the State competition, but on that little detail, I took author's licence. Yes, I made it up, I'll admit it. I needed it for the tension in the plot.

Of course, thanks go to all my 'test readers' who were kind enough to leave reviews as well: Jemima G, Aria and Paige B, Milly and Yasmin A, Abby and Caitlin T, Jo and Rachel K. Also, Lara L, Jessy L, Rianna D, Annette L, Abby U, Izzy E, Nati from Barcelona, Amanda C, Sarah B, Heather M, Izel, Emma Y, Craig F, Bec C, Denise B, Anne S, Janelle M, Emily, Phoebe and Georgia S, Amelie and Carys B, Mariette W, Jo B, Julia C, Gillian, Beth, Nati, Clara, Hannah B, Sarah W, Aiyana, Linda T, Emma B, Bec and Zoe P, Annie-Jo, writer Katie J Cross (check out her awesome books, guys) and anyone I've left off because I'm disorganised and not very meticulous with lists. Sorry!

I really appreciate my readers, young and old, and from so many different parts of the world! Getting your emails and messages makes me happy and keeps me wanting to be a writer, day after day.

Always, thanks to my husband, who gives me time to write. I often shoo him out of my office. "Go away, I'm working," I say. And he does. (We talk later, don't worry.)

# 'Charlie Franks Is A-OK' is in paperback

Books on your e-reader are great, but when you really love a story, there's nothing like having it on your shelf in paperback, am I right?

Grab a copy of _Charlie Franks_ for yourself, or buy it as a gift for a girl in your life. You can order it through major book retailers or online.

# About the Author

**_Cecily Anne Paterson_** was born in Australia but lived overseas with her family in Pakistan from the ages of three to sixteen. She spent time in the city, in the desert, and in the Himalayan mountains, where she went to boarding school for five years.

These days she lives in a tiny tourist town in New South Wales, Australia, with her husband, four children and very cuddly dog. Her hobbies include playing the cello, reading good books, watching good films and not cleaning the house.

Cecily loves getting letters from readers and tries to answer every message she gets. Find her on Facebook, Instagram or Twitter, or drop her a line through her website at: www.cecilypaterson.com. You can also sign up to get her newsletter, and to hear about new books and special offers.

# More books by Cecily Anne Paterson

### In the Invisible Series...

#  Invisible

Jazmine Crawford doesn't make decisions. She doesn't make choices. She doesn't make friends. Jazmine Crawford only wants one thing: to be invisible. For Jazmine, it's a lot easier to take out her hearing aid and drift along in life pretending that nothing's wrong than it is to admit that she's heartbroken. But something's got to give... and soon.

_" An exquisitely written story... a stunning account of the reinvention of a compelling and sympathetic character." ~ Publisher's Weekly_

_" Lovely... sensitive, hopeful, empowering" ~ Cathy Cassidy_

_Invisible_ was a semi-finalist in the 2014 Amazon Breakthrough Novel Award.

Sign up for Cecily Anne Paterson's newsletter here and she'll give you a free copy of Invisible.

# Invincible

Finally, everything is going right for 13 year-old Jazmine Crawford. After years of being invisible, she's making friends, talking to her mum and hanging out with Liam. But what happens when everyone around her changes? Will getting back in touch with her grandma help her cope or just make things worse? And who's going to finally give arrogant Angela what she deserves?

_Invincible_ was a finalist in the 2016 Caleb Awards. ****

# Being Jazmine

Jazmine's deaf. And she's getting tired. Tired of having to try hard, tired of fitting in, tired of pretending to be like everyone else. When Jaz goes to deaf camp, a new world opens up to her. A world where things are easier, and she finally seems to have a place.

But when you leave one world and enter another, what happens to the people you leave behind? And why is one of her new deaf friends suddenly pushed out of the group?

Which world will Jaz live in? Can she keep a foot in both? How will she figure out the best way to be Jazmine?

# Coming in 2018

### A brand new series with brand new characters

# Smart Girls Don't Wear Mascara

Abby Smart is planning to have the most awesome year ever. She's the leader of the Smart Girls club and her dreams to be a singer are coming true. But then Stella turns up, wrecking everything. Will Abby follow her friends or her dreams, because she certainly can't have both.

# How Not To Be Popular

It's a bonus for Maddie when her good deed - helping weird, chicken-obsessed Tahlia get a dress for the Year Six formal - leads to a genuine friendship between them. But Maddie has a dark, guilty secret that she's going to have to keep hidden, or risk both her new friendship and her dream to be voted the School Leader at the end of the year.

# A request from the author... leave a review?

If you've enjoyed this book, I'd be _super grateful_ if you would spend just a moment leaving a review. It can be as short - or as long - as you like. Leave a review on Goodreads, or the site of the retailer you bought this from, or even, just tell your friends about it.

Oh, and tell me what you thought too... I'd love to hear it.

_Thank you so much xxx_
