-Welcome to "The Tonight Show:
At-Home Edition."
We have a great show!
Whoo!
-♪ We in the house ♪
-Tonight, join Jimmy
and his guests --
Ethan Hawke,
Elle Fanning,
musical guest Maroon 5,
and the legendary Roots crew.
It's "The Tonight Show:
At-Home Edition."
-♪ We in the house, y'all ♪
-And now here's Jimmy.
-Welcome, everybody.
It is big show tonight.
Let's get to some jokes here.
Earlier today, Dr. Fauci
testified virtually
before Congress from his home,
although it was a little rough
to concentrate,
on what Dr. Fauci was saying
'cause he spent
the entire hearing
flipping through
Zoom backgrounds.
"Oh, I'm on the beach --"
Alright.
During his testimony, Dr. Fauci
talked about everything.
He discussed vaccines,
when we can expect to reopen,
and why it was never gonna work
between Kristin Cavallari
and Jay Cutler.
If you didn't see it,
here's a shot
of Dr. Fauci testifying today.
Take a look.
Where's his computer screen,
the ceiling?
He's like -- [ Laughs ]
Can we see that photo
one more time?
Yeah, can we zoom in
on the book in the background?
"Mama." I'm honored.
I'm honored. Yes.
Dr. Fauci, smart, smart man,
like I've always said.
Meanwhile, here's what the
Senate hearing room looked like
during the testimony.
Take a look at this.
That's either a Senate room
or the dullest Benihana ever.
Check this out. I read that
a growing number of churches
might start doing
drive-in services.
It's nice going to church
but super obvious when you try
to sneak out early.
Beep, beep, beep!
What, I wasn't -- No.
"Hey, can I help you?"
"I need four Hail Marys.
Thanks. Uh, sorry --
Five -- Five Hail Marys.
You sure, guys?
Five Hail Marys,
two Our Fathers, and -- Yeah."
That's right,
drive-in church services,
although it's weird when
a priest skates up to your car
to hear your confession.
"What can I absolve
for you, honey?"
[ Vocalizes doo-wop ]
In a new interview,
the founder of Quibi says
he blames everything
that has gone wrong
with the streaming service
on the coronavirus.
He might have a point.
If only the entire world
were stuck at home
desperate for new content.
Listen to this. I saw that
United Airlines just shared
an at-home recipe
for their signature dish.
Looks really good, actually.
Grab a pen. Write this down.
It says, "open bag,
eat square pretzel."
This isn't good.
After buying a new house,
a man in Georgia found 10--
sorry, 100,000 bees
living in the ceiling.
Phew. If you want
to see the house,
he's trying to rent it out
on Air-Bee-n-Bee.
[Airbnb]
[ Laughs ]
[ Laughs ]
That joke's
going to have a lot of --
Researchers in Italy say that
they don't think that there will
actually be a baby boom
after the lockdown,
although the research was done
by 1 guy walking up to 100 women
and asking
if they'd like to make a baby.
"Scusa. You and me make baby?"
[ Laughs ]
Finally, I saw that Heinz --
I want to get this --
Heinz has made
a 570-piece ketchup puzzle
that's just the color red.
People were disappointed
when they opened the box
and a bunch of gross, clear
liquid spurted out quickly.
Ugh. But once
they got past that,
they got to enjoying that puzz.
That's right. Heinz released
a new ketchup puzzle.
Meanwhile, Hunt's released
the exact same ketchup puzzle,
but for some reason,
not quite as good.
That's the monologue
for you, everybody.
Whew! Right there for you.
Happy Tuesday.
What a show we have tonight.
Man, if I could have a show
like this every night --
Well, I kind of do.
I'm very lucky
to have a show like this
and have great people
working for me.
Best director in the biz.
-[ Laughs ]
-Ethan Hawke is on the show.
I love Ethan. I love
Ethan Hawke. I'm just --
This is before even the show,
I was a fanboy of Ethan Hawke.
I love him so much. And he's
the nicest, coolest guy ever.
And if you ever just --
I don't know.
I could binge on all his movies.
He's just fantastic.
He's got this new limited series
that's going to be crusher,
as he always does. He kills.
Also Elle Fanning.
Aww, Elle Fanning, I love her.
I want to talk to her
about her birthday,
because it just passed,
and I want to see
how she celebrated.
Plus, musical guest,
let me tell you how much
I love these dudes.
So, Maroon 5
is the musical guest.
And, honey, guess what song
they're doing?
-No, there's no way.
-Yeah.
-There's no way.
-Yeah, they're doing "Memories."
-No.
-"Memories."
They're doing it.
-They don't do it.
-I know they don't do it.
-It's the best song.
-They did it.
-[ Gasps ]
Get the Kleenex out.
-I love them so much.
I think that is the best --
one of the best songs
ever written.
-Ever.
-I love it so much.
It makes me happy.
It makes me cry.
I think about
their manager, Jordan,
who passed away,
who I think the song is about,
and is also Jonah's
and Beanie's brother.
-Mm-hmm.
It's just a, oh, beautiful song.
What a voice. What a band.
And they've always been there.
They always came on our show
and did --
They've come on our show,
and they've done great things.
Very professional
and just always there for us.
But I remember
when the song came out,
I go, "Guys, I'm having a
flip-out.
This is my song. Please come on
and perform this."
They're like, "No."
"What can I absolve for you?"
They said, "We're not going
to the East Coast."
I go, "Well, alright. I gotcha."
So they didn't do it.
They might have performed it
on some other show.
But anyway, this is a big deal.
Maroon 5 is performing
"Memories."
