This week, the CBC fired popular radio personality
Jian Ghomeshi after it was alleged that he
had sexually and physically assaulted at least
three women.
Since the story broke, that number has grown
officially to eight women, and unofficially
to upwards of twenty-two women when you count
comments on Reddit, blogTO, and other sources.
In response, Jian sued the CBC for 55 million
dollars.
Lots of people are scared to talk about this
issue, because, well, who would risk
being sued for defamation?
[DING]
Without further ado, my Jian Ghomeshi-inspired
makeup tutorial.
First step: foundation. This colour is called,
um, Beloved Public Broadcaster.
People love this shade, but if you use it
too much, it'll go to your head and make you
think that you can get away with anything.
Even a crime!
Next step: primer.
So I'm using a new one, it is called Expensive
PR Firm.
And you apply this really liberally when you
anticipate that something bad is going to happen
to your reputation.
Dab dab, Facebook post evoking sympathy.
Dab dab dab. Astronomically expensive lawsuit
to distract the public and add credibility
to your story, via a public record document.
Of course the lawsuit's not gonna go anywhere! He's a union employee, and he has no legal standing.
But he did take the time to sue, which must
mean he's serious, which must mean he's telling
the truth... right?
Kinda convenient for a guy trying to force
his version of a story, don't ya think?
Next step is eye shadow. I'm using a black colour with a red shimmer, called Pseudo-Intellectual Douchebag.
Smart people who read Giller Prize-winning
books, they don't commit violent crimes!
Uh, unless you're John Wayne Gacy, Ted Bundy,
Jeffrey Dahmer, the Unibomber, or literally
thousands of other intelligent people who
have committed violent acts.
[BLOWS A RASPBERRY]
Next step is a pink shimmery eye shadow called
Anonymous Still Counts.
A lot of people critique the use of the Anonymous
shade, like it's unreasonable to be afraid
of a beloved national public figure who has
hurt you and lied to you and slandered your
name before you even got the opportunity to
share your side of the story.
I'm also using a special brush this week called
2 to 4 Percent, which is the percentage of rape
claims made to the police that turn out to
be false.
Let me repeat that for you: only two to four
percent of reported rapes turn out to be false.
The blush I'm using today has been misidentified
as a colour called BDSM in a lot of other
makeup tutorials. Um, but the actual colour
we're gonna use is called Straight-Up Assault.
If you compare them side-by-side, you can
see that, uh, BDSM has elements of other popular
blushes in it, like, um... you can see a glimmer
of Continuous Consent in there, you see some
Aftercare, uh, you see Rigorous Rules and
Restrictions, you see Respect. There's a heavy
pigmentation of Respect mixed into BDSM.
If you look at Straight-Up Assault, you'll
see none of that.
They're two completely different colours,
and one should not be mistaken for the other.
I'm using a liquid liner today, in a colour
called Blind Ignorance.
You're gonna want to apply it quickly, confidently,
and without really critically thinking. Like,
your hero has just, uh, committed an unspeakable
violent act against multiple women, and you're
just like "Nope!" You know?
La-la-la-la-la-la-la.
I can't hear you...
Wow, that makes me look kind of stupid. Oh
well!
Sorry guys, there's a fly in the...
I call this stuff The CBC, because when it
sees vermin, it takes care of it.
And finally, lip colour. The colour I'm using
is Why Does This Keep Happening?
Why do we keep letting powerful men get away
with violence?
Why do we expect the world from the victim,
but accept a Facebook post from the villain?
And why, time after time, do we see a woman
in trouble, and choose to not believe her?
Yes, we still need more information about
this incident.
But if even the bare bones ideas presented
to us right now are true, then this is way
beyond a pithy sex scandal we all can laugh
at. This is a violent sex crime, committed
by a man in power, seemingly with no remorse,
and something needs to be done about that.
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down below. And I've included a selection
of other videos for you to check out. Bye.
