 
This Song Reminds Me of You

Misty Reigenborn

Copyright 2012

By Misty Reigenborn

Smashwords Edition

A Better Man

He looked at her as she stood in the doorway of their bedroom. She wouldn't look at him. She knew that he was going to try to talk her into staying.

As she turned to leave he touched her back. "Del, please. We need to talk about this."

Delphina didn't turn. "Kiefer we've had this discussion before."

He sighed. "So I guess this time you're really leaving huh?"

Delphina wanted to groan. It seemed pretty obvious that she was leaving. Her bags were packed and she was ready to transfer everything to her car. "I think that's kind of a dumb question Kie."

"Give me five minutes babe. Please. Is three years not worth five more minutes of your life?"

She shook her head. "I'm sorry. I have an apartment and a job waiting for me. I start work the day after tomorrow. I have to go."

"How long have you been planning this?"

"What difference does it make? I can't do this anymore."

"I love you Delphina. I can be a better man for you. I promise."

"I think that promise is a little too late. I'm going to go now."

"Baby please. You're breaking my heart."

"I have to go."

"Can I call you?"

"I don't think that's a good idea. Goodbye Kiefer."

Delphina pulled out the handle on her rolling suitcase and slung her duffel bag over her shoulder. She took two steps out of the door. She heard the flick of his lighter as he lit a cigarette.

"Del, wait. At least let me help you take your stuff out. You'll let me do that much won't you?"

Delphina sighed. "I can do it Kiefer. I think that we need to make a clean break this time. It's for the best."

"Del I'm so sorry."

Delphina said nothing. She rolled her suitcase out the door and walked down the hall and through the living room. He got to the door ahead of her and opened it for her. She finally looked at him. His brown eyes looked wet. She stifled an urge to bite her lip and instead rolled her suitcase out the door. She had never seen Kiefer cry, not even when his grandmother had died, and they had been close. But she couldn't let it get to her now she thought, or she would let him talk her into staying like he had all of the other times she had decided to leave him.

He followed her to her car. She popped the trunk and shoved her suitcase and bag inside. The slam of the trunk seemed very loud to her. It sounded almost final. She was suddenly terrified. She had never lived by herself before. When she'd left home she'd went straight to college and lived in the dorms. Then she'd lived with her sister for a while. Then she'd met Kiefer. They'd moved in together two weeks after they met.

He put his arms around her from behind. She tried to ignore the fact that her head was at the perfect level for him to rest his chin on. She tried to ignore the way he smelled and the feel of his arms around her. She tried to ignore the fact that he was the first man that she had really loved. She made herself think about the lying and cheating instead, and the nights that he hadn't bothered to come home.

She pulled away from him and looked up at him with ice in her blue eyes. "Stop it. I am leaving. There is nothing you can say or do to make me change my mind."

'I'll get down on my knees and beg you in the dirty parking lot of our crappy apartment building. I'll pay all of the bills for a whole year and you can do whatever you want with your money. We'll get married. You can have a baby and stay home and take care of it. I'll get a better job. Hell I'll get two better jobs if I have to. I will do anything Del, I swear. Just please don't do this to me. I feel like somebody stabbed a knife through my heart."

Delphina looked up at Kiefer. He was six two with dark hair and dark eyes. He had muscles and tattoos. Her sister called him the personification of a bad boy. He smoked too much and sometimes he drank way too much. He'd cheated on her for the first time two days after they'd moved in together. He'd get drunk and come out of nowhere and tell her some story about a woman that he'd been with since they'd been together. Sometimes, she thought she hated him much more than she loved him.

"I'm breaking your heart? Do you know how many damned times you've broken mine? There is no comparison Kiefer. You've made me feel worthless for way too long."

"Baby I never meant to make you feel like that. You're smart and you're so beautiful. I know that you deserve a better man, but I promise you that I can be that man. I can't make all of the bad stuff that I did in the past go away, but I can give you a better tomorrow. Please Del. Just give me one last chance."

Delphina pushed the button to unlock her car. "No. I've given you more chances than you deserved already. Goodbye Kiefer. Have a nice life."

She got behind the wheel of her car. Before she could shut the door, he stuck his foot in the way. She gave him her dirtiest look. "Move your foot. Now. This is not up for discussion."

Kiefer sighed, but he did move his foot. She slammed the door and started the car. She put her seatbelt on and chanced one last glance at him. He made the motion for her to roll the window down. She sighed as she pushed the button.

"What?"

"I want you to know that I love you. I'll always love you. You were the only really good woman I ever had. I fucked it up like I always fuck everything up."

"You don't mess everything up Kiefer. You'll do fine." She gave him a tired smile that she didn't feel. "You're hot. You'll find another woman in no time."

Kiefer shook his head. "I don't want another woman."

Delphina figured that he'd have a woman in his bed by the end of the night and probably have another moved in by the end of the week.

"Goodbye Kiefer."

She put the car into gear.

"Wait. Just one last thing."

She sighed. "What Kiefer? Make it quick please."

"Don't you love me anymore?"

"It's not that Kiefer. I just can't put myself through the heartache of being with you. It's tearing me up inside. Now I really have to go. I'm already late getting on the road."

Kiefer let out a huge sigh. "You don't have to go. I'll go."

"No. I already have everything worked out. Goodbye." Before he could say another word, she put the car back into gear and pulled out of the parking lot.

The drive was not fun. Her destination was six hours away. Kiefer wouldn't stop calling her. Or at least she assumed it was Kiefer. Her phone rang so many times that she'd turned it off and shoved it into the glove box.

When she pulled up to her new apartment building, she let out a groan. She'd figured that it would be a dump with the price, but the place looked like it would blow over in a strong wind. She got out of her car and stretched. Her back hurt, and she briefly let herself think of how good it had felt when Kiefer had given her a massage. He had always been able to work all of the kinks out of her muscles. She sighed. She knew that she needed to stop thinking about him. Where thoughts of him had once brought her immense joy, they now brought her nothing but pain.

She opened the door marked "manager". An elderly woman was sitting behind the desk. She looked up, and stuck the pencil she had been doing what looked like a crossword puzzle with into her frizzy white bun.

"How can I help you?"

"I'm Delphina Brooks. We spoke on the phone. You still have the apartment available don't you?"

The woman nodded and her glasses slid down her nose. "Yes ma'am. Sure do. Rent's $450, $225 deposit. We cover $50 towards the electricity. You go over that it's added on to your next month's rent. No drugs, no loud parties, no prostitution, no dogs. You have a cat the deposit is $300 and it had better know how to use a litter box."

Delphina wanted to groan. She had a feeling that her new apartment might be even worse than she'd thought it would be by looking at the outside.

"My shift starts at six o'clock in the morning. I certainly won't be having any wild parties when I have to work the next morning. And I don't know anyone here."

The woman pulled a key off of a hook. "Pretty girl like you is never short of male attention for long. You're more than welcome to have visitors. They stay more than a few days, they're considered to live here. The rent goes up by $50 a month."

Delphina shook her head. "That won't be a problem."

The woman gave her a look and then came around the desk. "Yep. My daughter, she's even prettier than you are. Some people might not think so, but I'm her mama so I gotta think so. When you got a pretty face and more than half a brain between your ears, you gotta make damned sure you've got a heart of steel. Men will use you and abuse you and then leave you by the side of the road. You just hope that you don't have a baby growin' inside of you then. 'Cause a man that will treat you like shit and walk away like it was nothin', well, it ain't gonna be no skin off of his back not to pay you child support now is it?"

"Um, I guess not." Delphina got the feeling that the woman's daughter had children that didn't see their fathers and she didn't receive child support for.

"Second floor, all the way to the right."

"Okay."

Delphina opened the door. The manager shut it and then locked it. The woman walked in a stuttering gait that felt painfully slow to Del. She felt like she could have run around the parking lot five times by the time they made it up the stairs.

The woman unlocked the door and pushed it open. She flipped a light switch. Delphina took one step inside and wanted to walk right back out. She hadn't grown up in luxurious surroundings, and the apartment she'd lived in with Kiefer certainly hadn't been high class, but this apartment looked to her like it should have been on the cover of bad housekeeping.

The living room carpet was a rusty brown color. There were stains that looked like bleach. She wondered what had stained the carpet that someone had wanted to bleach out. The walls were painted an off white color and it didn't look like much care had been taken when the job was done. The air smelled like someone had smoked two packs of cigarettes a day for three years straight and had never bothered to open a window. She walked into the kitchen and saw a fridge that looked like it belonged in the 1980's. The microwave on the counter looked like it belonged in roughly the same decade as the fridge. The kitchen table was small, with a beat up chair with cracked upholstery. When she walked into the bathroom, she saw that the shower curtain was paper thin and the tub was filthy. The toilet seat was sitting crookedly.

The manager cleared her throat. "I know it's not the greatest, but it's a roof and the rent is manageable even if you make minimum wage. You put your furniture and some personal touches in here, it won't be so bad."

Delphina hid a sigh. "I actually don't have any furniture." She turned back towards the bedroom.

The carpet in there was a yellow color that reminded her of the color her nephew's poo had been when he was a newborn. There was a dresser, but the drawers were mismatched and it looked like it was on its last legs.

"There's a thrift store up the road a bit. They're gonna be closed now though."

"Oh. I'll take it I guess."

The manager laughed. "Don't sound so enthused girl. Whatever is goin' on if your life right now, just remember that it's not that bad. You woke up this morning didn't you?"

"I did."

They left the apartment and walked back down the stairs. Once they were back in the office, Delphina handed the woman her driver's license. While she made a copy on a copy machine that it looked like it belonged in an even more bygone decade than the furniture in her apartment, Delphina filled out a simple one-page application form.

Once her license was back in hand, she dug her wallet out of her purse and counted out the money to move into the apartment. She felt a little like screaming when the woman had to count it three times. Finally, when she was satisfied that it was the right amount, the manager handed her a single sheet of paper that listed the property rules and the key to the apartment.

"Thank you."

"You have any problems with your apartment, let me know. The maintenance guy is slow, but he does a good job. Grocery's stores up four blocks on the left. Discount store up another two blocks from there."

"Thank you."

"Yep. Take care Delphina. That's a real pretty name."

"Thanks. I'll let you know if I have any problems."

Delphina left the office and went to her car. She lugged her bags up the stairs and took another look around. There was a part of her that wanted to run back to Kiefer already. But she knew that she needed to stand on her own two feet and that she couldn't let him break her heart again.

She opened the window as far as it would go, which wasn't far. She sat down on the chair and made a list for the store. Air freshener and scented candles were high on her list. It had driven her crazy when Kiefer had smoked inside.

Her trip to the store took forever, and it was full dark by the time she got back to the apartment. She had picked up an air mattress. She hoped that it would only have to serve her for one night. She had a feeling it wasn't going to be very comfortable.

Once she had lit a scented oil candle and set up her bed, she felt a little better. She made herself a light dinner and then plugged in her laptop and booted it up, signing onto her mobile broadband internet connection. She discovered that her email was flooded with messages from Kiefer. She sent everything from him straight to the trash and then was left with some spam and a message from her sister. She opened the letter and found that Kiefer had called and begged Leanna to talk her into giving him another chance.

Delphina sighed. Lee had never liked Kiefer. She had told her little sister that he was bad news the second she had laid eyes on him. But the rest of the letter sounded too much like an "I told you so", so she sent it to the trash too.

She slept fitfully that night. It wasn't that she hadn't had nights apart from Kiefer in the past three years. She couldn't count the nights he hadn't come home, when he'd been out drinking with friends all night or had been with another woman. She just felt out of sorts and it was about more than her break up. She wondered if she was getting sick.

The next morning, she went to the thrift store. She was lucky enough to find a bed and a couch that were both in good condition and reasonably priced. She bought curtains and pictures for the walls. Once the furniture was delivered and the pictures had been hung, she admitted that the apartment felt a little less dreary.

Her first day at her new job, she was overwhelmed. It was training, but she already felt like she was in over her head. She was scared that she was going to fail. She cried a little as she drove home. Kiefer had stopped calling her, and even his emails were coming less frequently. She had a feeling it wouldn't take him too long to move on. She didn't know whether the thought made her sad or comforted her anymore.

Six weeks later, she finished training. She felt better than she had before, but still wasn't sure that she'd be able to handle the job. It was technical support at a call center, and while it certainly wasn't brain surgery, and it paid much better than her last job had, she still wasn't sure that she would make it. She hadn't made any friends in her training class, though three guys had hit on her on an almost daily basis.

Her first scheduled day on the call center floor, she woke up in the morning and immediately rushed to the bathroom to throw up. She wondered if it was nerves or if she had caught a bug. As she flushed the toilet the realization that she had missed her period hit her. She banged her hand on the toilet seat.

"No damn it. Not now. If there is a God you cannot do this to me."

She'd been dumb enough to have sex with Kiefer on the night before she'd left him. And he had been out of condoms. She wasn't on birth control because she could never remember to take the pills and they hadn't been able to afford any other form of birth control for her without insurance.

Delphina laid her head on the closed toilet seat and cried for a good fifteen minutes. Then she got up and took a shower and got ready for work. Her day did not go well. Every other customer she spoke with had a problem that was more complicated than her step by step screen prompts or wanted to speak with a supervisor.

She wanted to run her car into a tree by the time she left for the day. She stopped at a drug store and bought a pregnancy test. It took her two hours after she got home to find the courage to take it. When she saw the results, she cried for half an hour. It was positive.

She went to the bedroom and unplugged her phone from the charger. She took a deep breath and then let it out. She dialed Kiefer's cell phone number.

He answered before the first ring was through. "Del. Did you change your mind? Oh baby, I have been so lost without you."

Delphina bit her lip and brushed her hair back over her shoulder. "Kiefer I need to tell you something."

"What is it babe? You can tell me anything. Please just tell me that you are coming home. I know that I haven't always been there for you. Not during the bad times or even always the good. I know that I've been a real asshole and missed your birthday and that I lied and cheated and did a whole bunch of really messed up shit. But I promise you that I will be there for you from now on if you'll just give me the chance."

"This isn't about us. Well, in a way it is, but I didn't call you to tell you that I want to come home. I'm doing fine here. My paychecks are almost twice as big as at my old job. The apartment's not too bad."

"Don't you miss me even a little?"

Delphina sighed. "I didn't say that." She decided that she needed to just say it or he was going to have her talking in circles all night long. "I'm having a baby. I mean, we're having a baby."

"Huh? How can you be pregnant with my kid? I haven't even seen you in six weeks let alone had sex with you."

"Kiefer, don't play stupid. We obviously made a baby on the last night we were together. If you don't want to be a part of the child's life, that's up to you. I'm not going to keep you away, but I'm not going to fight you for child support or anything like that."

"Wait a minute Del. We made a baby and you still won't think about giving me another chance? I think that the kid deserves to have two parents don't you? I know I sure as hell didn't appreciate growing up without a father."

"You didn't listen to a damned thing I said like usual. I said you can play daddy."

"Huh uh. I'm not just gonna play daddy. I want to be a real dad. I want you to marry me. I quit drinking. I'm trying to quit smoking, but it's really hard. I can come up there. I sorta already have a job offer there."

"Kiefer."

"What? I miss you. I love you Del. I'll be the man that you deserve. I found a house for us to rent. It's gotta be better than that shithole that you're living in. I saw your car in the lot the day I went there for my job interview."

"No Kiefer. You are not coming here."

"Why the hell not? This job is a really good job. We can have a better life Del. You, me and the baby."

Delphina sighed. "You can come here, but we are not getting back together. I don't care what you say. You talk a good game, but you never live up to your promises."

"People change. When you walked out on me babe, I looked in the mirror and I saw this fuckup looking back at me. I've screwed up a lot of shit in my life Del, but never anything that was really worth a damn. Nothing that really mattered to me. You matter to me. I'm serious about wanting to marry you. I bought you a ring. I don't know if it's the right size though. Your sister wouldn't tell me. She made her husband get on the phone. He told me to stop bugging her."

"You shouldn't have done that Kiefer. I hope you can take it back."

"I don't wanna take it back. I bought it for you. Please Del. I'm just a broken down empty shell of a man without you."

"Kiefer, I can't do this. Especially when I'm pregnant. I can't let myself depend on you again. You always end up letting me down."

"I know baby, and I'm sorry. If I take the job, I start next week. Maybe you might change your mind by then."

"Yeah right."

"Del, I am serious. Why can't we give it one last try? I know you miss me."

"It doesn't matter if I miss you. That's not the point. I have to go. I have to work at six o'clock in the morning and I've been really tired lately."

"It's seven o'clock at night Del. Are you okay? Are you sure it's not more than being pregnant? Have you been to the doctor yet? I get insurance with this job. It's got really good coverage too."

"I don't care about your insurance Kie. I'm hanging up now."

Delphina pushed end on her phone. She wanted to throw it against the wall when it rang almost immediately after she'd hung up. She closed her eyes briefly. You did what you needed to, she told herself. You told him.

She didn't feel like she slept at all that night. Luckily, her next day at work was easier and it passed quickly. Kiefer had decided that it was okay to call her again. He called ten times and left nine messages before she went to sleep that night.

The next Monday Kiefer was waiting for her when she got home from work. She groaned. She tried to pretend that she hadn't seen him, but he was at her side seconds after she got out of her car.

"Hi," he said.

She looked up at him. "Hi."

"You're beautiful."

Delphina sighed. "Don't do this Kiefer. It's going to be hard enough as it having a baby together."

He reached a hand out towards her, but stopped when she gave him a look and shoved his hand in his pocket instead. "It doesn't have to be hard. Come on, I want to show you this house. It's rent to own. We can afford it too. You won't even have to go back to work after you have the baby."

"I don't want to see it. I don't care."

"So you're gonna raise a kid in this shithole?" He snorted as he gestured to the rundown apartment building.

"I'll find another place." She turned away from him. It was starting to hit her how much she had missed him. She wanted to kick her own ass when she caught the scent of his cologne. It was affecting her like it always had. She wanted to pull him to her and smell him.

She turned back towards him. "You shaved." She reached out and brushed her hand over his face. "You look so young. I bet they card you when you buy cigarettes."

He chuckled and put his hand over hers. "I quit two days ago."

She took her hand back. "Oh."

"Please baby. Just look at the house. You don't have to decide today. I'll give you all the time you need."

He put his arm around her shoulder and she left it there. "You're so tense Del. You should let me give you a massage."

Delphina shook her head. "No way. We both know what happens when you give me a massage."

Kiefer grinned. "It was always pretty damned good though wasn't it?"

Delphina gave him a dirty look and pulled away from him. "So what if we had good sex? It doesn't mean anything. I'm willing to bet you had good sex with plenty of other women while we were together. Hell, I know you did. You were an asshole and told me about it half the time."

Kiefer frowned. "Do you really have to remind me of shit like that? I'm trying to be a better man for you."

"Be a better man for yourself. I'll look at your stupid house. Then you're going to go away and leave me alone."

"Del, you're being unreasonable."

"I am not. You tore my heart out and stomped on it for three years."

"Everybody deserves a second chance. We're having a baby." Kiefer reached out his hand and laid it gently over her stomach. "My child is growing inside of you."

She pushed his hand away. "I gave you a second chance. I gave you a third chance and a fourth chance and a damned twentieth chance. I think that's enough. Let's go. I'll follow you."

"Why don't we go in my truck?"

"I don't want to ride with you."

Kiefer smiled. "I forgot that the way I smell drives you crazy."

"Shut up." There was no way she was going to tell him that he smelled even better now that he didn't smell like cigarette smoke.

She opened her car door. "Go. I'll follow you."

Kiefer sighed. "Fine."

He walked back to his truck. She had always found his truck to be almost comical. It was old and painted black with a neon green stripe on it. His friends had called it his UFO truck.

She watched him get into his truck and then followed him out of the parking lot. He pulled up in front of on off white house with red shutters a few minutes later. He grinned widely at her as he opened her car door for her.

"Pretty nice huh?"

She offered him a half smile. The yard was well kept, and the chain link fence was in good shape. The paint job on both the inside and the outside of her apartment seemed even worse now. "Sure. What's the inside look like?"

He held up a key. "I'll show you. I paid to move in today. My friends are helping me get the rest of my stuff moved in over the weekend."

"That should be fun. Are they going to let you pay them in beer?"

"My friends aren't that bad. Okay, so maybe they are. I'll make new friends here. Better friends that aren't just drinking buddies." He held out his hand. "Come on."

She shook her head. Being this close to him again was getting to her. When she was just listening to his voice on the phone, she could pretend that she hadn't missed him. When she was beside him, and could catch the scent of his earthy cologne when he moved, it drove her crazy. It had never made sense to her that the cologne smelled so good on him. When he'd been out and had let her smell it at the store, it hadn't smelled good to her. But when he put it on, it made her want to crawl up into his lap and turn her head into his neck and just breathe in his scent.

"Can't you just give a little Del?"

"I'm looking at your damned house aren't I?"

"Yeah." He opened the gate. She followed him inside the yard and shut the gate. She stood on the porch as he unlocked the door.

When he pushed the door open, she decided that she liked her apartment even less. The carpet was a nice midnight blue color and it was springy, not worn down as if a thousand pairs of feet had walked over it for years. The living room was good sized. There was a large window that was without blinds or a curtain at the moment, so she could see that it offered a nice view of the front yard. The walls had been painted off white, but the job was much more carefully done than it had been at her apartment.

She held back a sigh as she followed him into the kitchen. The kitchen table from their apartment was already set up. The cabinets were in good shape, and the counters were spotless. The stove looked relatively new, as did the fridge. The tile was a blue color with veins of green through it that complemented the color of the living room carpet.

He led her back to the bedroom. His suitcase and older than the hills duffel bag were in the closet. There was a new looking dresser and a curtain on the window but no other furniture. The bathroom was clean and the shower had a nice sliding door, with a good sized tub.

She was silent as she followed him to the second bedroom. The walls were sky blue. The shade was close to the color of her eyes.

"This would be the baby's room."

"Kiefer."

"Even if you don't want to move back in with me, the kid would need a room here."

Delphina sighed. "Yeah." She turned to leave the room.

He touched her arm. "Wait."

"What?"

She turned back to him. He pulled a velvet covered box out of his pocket. She closed her eyes and then opened them again as he popped open the box. She didn't want to look at it. She didn't like to think of all of the times he'd promised to marry her before.

"Del, aren't you even going to look at it?"

"Why? We can't get married. I don't want to be the laughingstock of town because I was dumb enough to marry a guy who doesn't bother to pretend that he doesn't stick his penis anywhere he wants to."

"I haven't been with anyone since you left."

"How dumb do you think I am? You're a sex addict. If we went more than a few days without having sex, you went looking for it somewhere else. Even when we were doing it all the time, you still looked for it elsewhere."

"There was one woman. But that was right after you left me. I was drunk for three days straight Del. She didn't mean anything. I can't look at a woman anymore without comparing her to you. I love you. I want to be with you."

She turned away from him. She had made the mistake of looking at the ring. It was very pretty. The styling wasn't modern, but she didn't like much modern jewelry. It looked old and romantic, like something that had been passed down in a family for generations. She wondered briefly where he had found it before she told herself to shut the hell up in her head.

"I don't want to be with you."

He slid his hands up and down her arms. It sent shivers down her spine. "I think you're lying."

She moved away from him. "So what? There is a sensible part of my brain and an emotional one. The emotional part of me is what kept me with you for so long. I do love you, but I can't be with you anymore. It hurts too much."

"It doesn't have to hurt Del. I'm never gonna be perfect, but I promise that I will be a better man. I want to be a good husband, a good father."

"I want you to be a good father. But you're going to have to find yourself another wife."

Kiefer sighed. "Can we compromise?"

"No."

"Women. I will back off. But I want you to know that if you decide you want me back, I'll be waiting for you."

"Kiefer. Ah, never mind. I'm not going to bother to say it. I have to go."

"Let me take you out to dinner."

"No."

"I'm getting to you aren't I? That's why you want to run away from me."

"You know how men walk around thinking with their penises all of the time? Sometimes women think with their hearts. But all too often it only brings them heartache. So I'm telling mine to shut the fuck up. It's getting easier every day."

Kiefer shut the ring box and pressed it into her hand. "I want you to have this."

"Give it to the next girl that you decide to sleep with. It doesn't look like a regular engagement ring. They'll never know that's what it was meant to be."

"I picked it out for you. I knew that you didn't like the kinda stuff that most other women like. I could have bought you some generic engagement ring like all the other guys buy their girls. But I didn't want to do that. I was actually thinking about you when I picked it out."

Delphina shook her head and shoved the ring into her purse. "That would be the first time."

"You don't need to be such a bitch. I know I was an asshole for three years, but that doesn't mean that I don't love you or that I need to be treated like shit when I'm trying really fucking hard."

"I'm sorry Kiefer. I'll be civil. I promise."

"Thanks. I guess I'll let you go home now. Does that place have cockroaches? It looks like it would."

"No. Do you have anything to sleep on before you bring the rest of your stuff down here? There's a thrift store downtown."

"I don't need to buy a bed. Our bed is comfortable and it's got a lot of good memories. You crying out my name in the heat of passion, the way you look when you're moving on top of me. You're the only woman that I've ever been with that always keeps her eyes open during sex. That is so hot."

"Shut up. I have an air mattress that you can use until you bring the bed. You can keep the damned thing. It's not very comfortable."

"I can buy my own. Wait, it probably smells like you. I love the way you smell too."

Delphina shook her head. "I said I would be civil. That doesn't mean you need to talk about our relationship and especially not about our sex life."

"You can't pretend it didn't happen Del. We had three good years together."

"You had three good years. I had three years of you lying and cheating and going to jail."

"I went to jail three times in three years. I went to jail way more than that before I met you. I only went to jail when I was drunk anyway. It won't be a problem anymore. I know that it's really hard for you to remember the good memories around all of the bad, but we did have good times. You don't need to let them stay hidden. Do you remember that picnic I took you on last year?"

It wasn't something that was easy for her to forget. They'd been fighting for weeks beforehand. Then he'd surprised her and taken her on an evening picnic. It had started to rain and they'd made love on the grass in the park. The experience had been incredible.

"None of that matters anymore Kie. Even the worst relationships have some good times. I'm going home. Do you want to follow me so I can give you that air mattress?"

"Yeah."

Kiefer followed her outside. She drove back to her apartment and he followed her. He insisted on going up to the apartment with her though she practically begged him not to. He made a face, but didn't remind her that she could live with him.

He thanked her for the air mattress and then left. She knew that he'd wanted to kiss her. She had let him get away with hugging her, but she couldn't let him kiss her. She was feeling way too vulnerable as it was.

She went to her first doctor's appointment. She made it on a day when she knew that Kiefer couldn't come and then ended up feeling bad because she'd been able to hear the baby's heartbeat. Her job was going well. She felt more comfortable every day.

When she was three months pregnant, Kiefer talked her into having dinner with him. Delphina had a good time, but it only reminded her of how much she missed him. It wasn't a feeling that she appreciated.

When she was six months pregnant, he invited her over to decorate the baby's room at his house. His new job was going well, and he was still sober. She was very proud of him, but still had doubts as to how long it would last. There was talk around town that he was seeing a woman. She had made a few friends at work and they all knew who Kiefer was. All of the single women in town seemed to think he was hot as hell. Even Delphina had to admit that he looked even better than he had before. He had cut his hair and was clean shaven most of the time.

They were sitting in Kiefer's living room after they'd finished the baby's room when Delphina asked him about his new girlfriend.

He gave her a strange look. "I don't have a girlfriend Del. I haven't gone this long without sex since I was a virgin."

"Yeah right Kiefer. It's going around town that you're seeing someone."

Kiefer chuckled. "Did it ever dawn on you that they might be talking about you Del? We've been out to dinner a few times and you've let me go to your last few doctors' appointments."

"I'm not your girlfriend."

He shrugged. "I'm not the one that said it. But you could be my wife if you wanted to be."

"We're not going to discuss that again."

"Del, don't tell me that you don't miss me being your man. I can see it in the way you look at me sometimes, that you want to kiss me. Right now I think you want to do a whole hell of a lot more than kiss me."

"Don't flatter yourself."

"How about I kiss you and we can find out?"

Her heart started to beat faster. "No."

He brushed his hand over her cheek. "Look me in the eye and tell me you don't want me. Tell me that if I took you back to the bedroom and made love to you that you would just walk away from me again."

"I don't want you Kiefer." But the words didn't sound true even to her ears.

He smiled. "You're lying. You looked at me for two seconds and then you looked away. We've been together too long for me not to know when you're lying."

"We're not together anymore."

"I've been good to you haven't I? I've obeyed your wishes and I haven't bugged you all the time about getting back together. Give me one more chance Del. I promise you that if I fuck it up I won't ask for another chance. We don't have to get married right away. Just let me be your man. I can make you proud of me."

Delphina sighed. "I am proud of you Kie. You've been doing so well lately. I'm too vulnerable right now. I think I need to go."

"Baby, do you know how proud it makes me that you're the woman that's having my baby? When I messed around, I was terrified that some trashy slut was going to get knocked up with my kid because I was drunk and didn't think about using a rubber. It wasn't just because I didn't want to have to pay some bitch child support for 18 years. It was because I knew that when I was ready to have a kid, I wanted it to be with the right woman. You're the right woman Del. You've always been the right woman for me. I knew it the first time I looked at you, I was just too stupid to realize what I was doing to you, how I was making you feel. I can never tell you how sorry I am. Let me make it up to you. I will do anything if you'll just give me one last chance."

"I can't do this right now." Delphina grabbed her purse and got up off of the couch. Tears were running down her face by the time she made it out the door. Kiefer called out to her, but she ignored him. She couldn't face him. She wanted nothing more than to be in his arms at that moment.

She drove home and cried until she had no more tears. Two hours later, she was standing on his doorstep. He answered the door and gave her a cautious smile.

"Hi. I didn't mean to make you cry. You know that I never could stand to see you cry." He moved out of the doorway so that she could enter the house and when she had he shut the door behind them.

She tried to ignore the fact that he was wearing nothing other than a worn pair of flannel pajama bottoms. She sat down on the couch. She took a deep breath and then let it out.

"If I give you another chance, it will be the last one. If you cheat on me even one more time, I will walk away from you and never look back. You will always be the father of my child, but that doesn't mean that you always have to be my man. If things go well enough between us, I'll move in here after the baby is born. I don't want to marry you right now. It may take another three years for me to trust you enough to want to marry you."

Kiefer was silent for a minute. Then a grin broke out on his face. "You'll really take me back?"

Delphina nodded. "Yes."

"Can I kiss you now?"

"Please."

He kissed her slow and easy, but it only left her wanting more, so she turned up the passion a notch. He pulled back from her several minutes later and gave her a cocky grin.

"You're horny aren't you?"

She hit him with the pillow from the couch. "So what if I am?"

"I do still know how to take care of that."

She shook her head at him. "I'm sure you do. That doesn't mean that I need to hop right back into bed with you."

"How about I kiss you again and we let nature take its course?"

She nodded, because she couldn't speak. There was so much passion in his eyes that it made her almost dizzy looking at him.

Their nature did eventually lead them back to his bedroom. She was more than a little self–conscious as she stood naked in front of him. While she was thrilled with what her pregnancy had done to her breasts, she felt like her stomach was huge.

He followed her eyes from his flat abdomen to hers that was expanding with the growth of their child.

"You're beautiful baby. We're gonna take it slow and easy. If it's not comfortable for you let me know."

"This probably sounds like a dumb question and I probably should have researched it myself, but how do you have sex when a woman is further along in her pregnancy?"

Kiefer smiled. She shot him a dirty look. "No. I haven't been with a pregnant woman before. I took the liberty of doing some research of my own. I had a feeling that you might come around while you were still pregnant."

"Uh huh."

"Shh baby. Come here." He led her to the bed.

They made love three times that night. She didn't have to work the next day so she spent the night at his house. It was like coming home to fall asleep in his arms again.

She moved in two weeks before the baby was due. He had proven to her that he was trying his best to be the man that she needed him to be.

Macy Kendrix was born right on time. She weighed 7 pounds 7.5 ounces and was 21 inches long. Kiefer was a wonderful father. He proposed on the one-year anniversary of their second chance relationship and Delphina accepted

I Can Love You Like Nobody Can

Cecilia was sitting in a restaurant with her husband of six years when a woman walked by. Cec had the offhanded thought that she was beautiful, until she realized that Liam had smiled at the woman. She gave Liam a questioning look. The woman had disappeared, but his eyes had followed her exit. He looked like he was a million miles away.

"Liam, who was that?"

Liam turned back to her, brushing a strand of dark hair out of his eyes. Cec was always bugging him to cut his hair, but he'd never listened to her about it before, and she was sure that he wasn't going to start anytime soon. "Nobody."

Cec raised an eyebrow. "That smile was way too familiar for you not to know who she is. So why are you lying to me?"

Liam shook his head at her. "Cec, why are you being paranoid? So the woman was attractive and I looked at her. Are you on your period?"

Cec shook her head at him. "Every time a woman has an issue with a man, the first thing he asks is are you on your period. I don't have to be on my period to notice that you totally check out a woman, smile at her like you know her and then tell me that she's nobody. I'm going home. Have a nice rest of the day at work. I'm guessing that you're going to be home late again tonight."

Liam sighed. "Yes. I'm sorry baby. But you know we need the money."

"I can look for a job. I told you that it's not a big deal."

"We made an agreement before we got married that you wouldn't have to work. You were going to stay at home and raise our kids."

Cec sighed. "We don't have any kids remember?"

Liam rolled his eyes. "Of course I remember. I have to go babe. I'll see you later." He leaned over and gave her a kiss.

"So I'm assuming that you're working late with nobody again huh?"

Liam let out a frustrated sigh. "Cec, haven't you ever heard that assuming things makes an ass out of you and me? This is a one-man campaign. If they keep laying people off we might have to go live in your parents' guest house."

"Ugh. Maybe if your parents were the ones that had the guest house. But mine-no way. I'll live in a cockroach infested studio apartment before I live with them again. They won't stop asking when we're going to give them a grandbaby."

"We'll make a baby when we can afford one."

"Sometimes that sounds like it's not going to happen until I'm going through menopause."

"Baby, it's gonna get better. I promise. I'll see you later. Don't bother to cook dinner for me. I'll get takeout."

"I wish you'd let me send you something for dinner if you're working late."

"You do too much as it is. You're like a superwoman." Liam gave her another quick kiss. "Bye babe."

He turned and walked away. Cec sighed as she got up from the table. She didn't like the feeling she had gotten when the woman had walked by their table. She knew she was attractive. She wasn't normally self-conscious, but Liam's "nobody" had been beautiful hands down. If they were in a beauty contest together, Cec was sure that "nobody" would come out the winner by a unanimous decision.

Cec brushed her dark hair back over her shoulder and grabbed her purse from where she'd tossed it on the empty chair beside her. She left a tip on the table and then walked to the register to take care of the check.

As she walked home, uncomfortable thoughts were circulating in her head. She was an attractive woman with her trim figure, dark hair and eyes and creamy pale skin. But Liam was undoubtedly a very attractive man even if he did need a haircut. He was 6'2 and had muscles like he worked out, though he did only on rare occasions. He looked like a man that had a manly job, when his job was in advertising. At the moment, he was one of the very few left in advertising at the green household products company that he worked at.

Cec understood that there had been layoffs, but she was beginning to doubt more and more that he was really just working late. In what she called her crazy paranoid moments from early in their marriage, she had believed that a woman that looked like she should be on the cover of a magazine would steal Liam away from her. He HAD been on the cover of a magazine. Women had called their house for months afterwards, though the picture had showed the wedding ring on his finger. The article about him inside had also mentioned his wife, but Cec doubted that most of the women that called their house had bothered to read the article.

Then again, she thought as she put the key in the door to unlock their house, some women didn't seem to care if a man was married. Some women actually seemed to take it as a challenge to steal a man away from his wife or girlfriend. Cec had met way too many of those kind of girls in high school. Her high school boyfriend had been stolen away from her by one of them. Of course she had a feeling that it also had to do with the fact that she wouldn't have sex with Gene, and the other girl was known to put out.

Cec shook her head at herself as she sat down on the couch. She was going to drive herself crazy if she didn't stop thinking about the woman at the restaurant and she knew it. She tried not to think about it as she went about her daily activities of laundry and house cleaning, but it wasn't working. It didn't help that Liam got home even later than usual that night either.

She was reading a book when he walked into their bedroom. He gave her a look. "What?" she said.

"Why are you awake? It's after midnight."

Cec rolled her eyes. "I can read a clock Liam." She felt irritated and knew that a fight could start all too easily. "Why are you coming home now when you've got to be at work in eight hours?"

Liam sighed. "Babe, I told you. I have a very important project to finish. If I do well enough, there's a chance that I'll get the job as head of advertising."

Cec snorted, suddenly wanting a cigarette like she hadn't wanted one since she'd quit five years before. "You already do all of the work. I thought they got rid of that position. I thought they had to pay the last guy too much."

"They wouldn't have to pay me as much as they paid him and they know it. I'm going to take a shower and go to bed babe. Why don't you go to sleep? You look tired."

He went to the bathroom before she could say another word. She gave the closed bathroom door a dirty look. She marked her place in her book and then rolled over towards the edge of the bed. He hadn't noticed that she'd put on a piece of her sexiest lingerie. She knew that he was tired when he got home from work, but it seemed like forever since they'd made love. Right now, she thought she'd even take some down and dirty wham bam thank you ma'am sex.

He took forever in the shower. She was half asleep by the time he crawled into bed. He pulled her to him and then leaned over and turned off the lamp. "What's wrong babe? What's on your mind?"

"Nobody. Oh, I mean nothing."

Liam sighed. "Don't start that shit again. I don't want to fight. I'm tired baby. Goodnight Cec. I love you."

"I love you too, but ignoring it isn't going to make it go away."

"There is nothing to make go away Cec. You should wear that teddy when I'm not so damned tired. I'd ravage you."

"Sure."

Liam slid his hand between her legs. "Don't sure me." He let out a quiet groan. "You're not wearing panties. And you're rather moist. Who knew that arguing turned you on so much?"

"Ha ha. Make love to me Liam. I don't care if it's quick. I'd take a quickie right now."

Liam lightly stroked her womanhood. "I can feel that. Damn can I feel that. Have I really been neglecting you that much? I'm sorry baby."

Cec moved against his hand and spread her legs slightly. "You have. Take me just like this. Please." Cec didn't care at that moment if he was thinking of someone else. "I'll make your coffee extra strong in the morning. Love me Liam."

He groaned again. "I think I'm gonna have to or I'll end up with blue balls."

"Weirdo. Can you take your pants off with one hand?"

Liam chuckled. "My horny wife. Yeah, I think I can manage. Or you could always touch yourself for the thirty seconds it takes me to take my pants off. You know how much it turns me on when you do that."

"Not tonight. Please Liam."

"Yes baby." He shifted slightly. It seemed to Cec to take forever before he was finally inside of her. But it was so blissful when he was that she was sure she was going to have an orgasm right away. When he pushed himself more fully into her she did have an orgasm. She cried out his name so loud that she was glad that they didn't have children. He laughed at her, but he came to orgasm soon after she did. When he withdrew from her, she felt a little less suspicious than she had earlier. She was pretty sure that if he'd had sex with someone else recently he wouldn't have come to orgasm quite so fast.

She turned her head and kissed him. "Thank you. I love you Liam."

He chuckled. "Thank you darlin'. I needed that more than I realized. I love you Cec. Goodnight."

"Goodnight Liam." She snuggled back into his arms and was soon asleep.

Cec started to feel better about their relationship, but her suspicions rose again over the weekend. They went for a long drive, and Liam seemed as if he was a million miles away again. When she asked him what was on his mind, instead of nothing, he said nobody, even though she hadn't asked him who was on his mind. She cried a little that night while he was in the shower. She felt like he was slipping away from her. She loved Liam so much that it hurt sometimes. She was so afraid to lose him.

They got into a fight when he got out of the shower. He ended up sleeping on the couch that night. He was gone when she woke up in the morning. She wondered if she had driven him into the arms of his "nobody".

He returned home in the late afternoon, with takeout and a bouquet of flowers as a peace offering. She tried to tempt him into sex that night, but he told her that he had to get up extra early in the morning.

Monday night, she waited to take her shower until after he got home from work. She knew that he had already showered that morning. She crawled into bed naked and kissed him with a passion that felt almost frantic even to her. He pulled back after a minute. "Baby, are you sure you're okay?"

"No, I'm not okay. You're a million miles away all of the time."

Liam sighed. "I'm stressed. There's this new guy in the department. There's talk around the office that they're going to give him the head advertising position instead of me since he was an advertising exec at some other company. I'm sorry baby. I've got a lot on my mind."

Cec pulled completely away from him. "And part on what's on your mind is your 'nobody' isn't it Liam? Tell me the truth. I can take it if you'll just tell me the truth. We can make this work. I love you too much to walk away. But I can't stand your lies anymore."

Liam pulled her back against him and kissed the side of her neck. "I don't want to talk about that ridiculous crap anymore babe. Let's make love. Maybe if we make a baby, the Gods of fate will watch over us and make sure I get that job."

Cec shook her head. "You're lying. I don't even have to look at your face to know it. Go sleep on the couch again. Maybe if you're quiet enough, you can have phone sex with 'nobody' without me hearing. I'm sorry to break it to you, but it's just you and your hand tonight."

Liam let out a frustrated sigh. "Just like a woman. You're the one that attacked me after you came out of the shower. You get me all hot and bothered and then decide you don't want to have sex. I think that with the way you're acting I'd rather have my hand for company than you anyway."

"Go away Liam."

He got out of bed and stalked towards the door. "For a woman that seems to think her husband is cheating, you don't make a lot of sense Cec. You know that a lack of sex is one of the main reasons why men stray."

Cec threw his pillow at him. "The lack of sex lately has come from you until tonight. But I guess you probably don't need it from me since you're doing it with someone else." She gave him a tight smile.

He shook his head at her. "Go to sleep Cec. I hope you wake up in a better mood." He opened their bedroom door, walked out and slammed it shut behind him.

She cried when he was downstairs. She knew that she hadn't handled the situation in the right way. There was a part of her that wanted to apologize to him. Another part of her still thought that he was lying to her and didn't deserve an apology.

The next morning, Liam gave her the silent treatment. She stuck her tongue out at his back when he left for work, feeling juvenile, but not caring. She felt despondent and didn't know what to do. That afternoon, things only got worse. She answered their home phone in the middle of the afternoon.

"Hello."

"Is Liam there?"

It was a woman's unfamiliar voice. Cec narrowed her eyes, wondering if it was "nobody". "He's at work. May I ask who's calling?"

The woman hung up. Cec slammed the phone down. She paced the living room for a while, wondering what she was going to do. By early evening, she'd decided that she had one last chance to keep Liam. There was no way she was going to screw it up.

She made his favorite meal for dinner. It was steak and baked potatoes, something that she didn't much enjoy herself, but she couldn't remember the last time that she had made it for him. She was tempted to call his cell and ask when he was coming home, but she didn't want to bother him if he really was working and she certainly didn't want to catch him with "nobody".

At eleven o'clock the front door opened. She was sitting on the couch in Liam's favorite piece of her lingerie. She rarely wore it because it wedged up her ass and she had never been a thong kind of a girl, but Liam loved it. It showed off her breasts and he always said that her butt didn't look as good in anything else.

His briefcase fell to the floor with a quiet thud. He licked his lips. "I'm guessing you're not mad at me anymore."

She gave him a slight smile. "Let me get your dinner."

"You didn't have to cook dinner for me babe. But I appreciate it. I actually skipped dinner tonight. They're supposed to be making their decision this week on who gets the job so I was working extra hard. Cross your fingers for me."

"I will." She pulled him in for a long kiss before she went to the kitchen. "I love you Liam."

He patted her on the butt. "I love you too baby. You know how crazy I get when you wear that thing."

She winked at him. "I do."

He chuckled as she walked to the kitchen. She warmed his plate up in the microwave and then brought it to him. She'd tried to cook it as close to when she thought he'd be getting home as possible, but she'd been off by a half an hour or so, so it had grown cold.

He raised an eyebrow when she sat the plate in front of him. "Baby is there something I should know? Are you pregnant with the mailman's kid or something?"

Cec laughed. "Our mailman is sixty-five and stick thin. You know I like my men with some meat on their bones."

Liam shook his head. "I forgot that your favorite boyfriend before me was fat."

Cec rolled her eyes. "He was not fat."

Liam chuckled. "You showed me a picture. He was fat. I never understood how a guy that looked like that could get a girl like you."

"Elijah was maybe a little chunky and that's pushing it. He was very sweet and very smart. I probably would have married him if he hadn't decided to go live in some third world country."

"Elijah was more than a little chunky. You'd have a bunch of roly poly kids running around by now if you'd married him. Aren't you glad you married me instead?"

"I'm very glad I married you. Finish eating so we can make love."

He offered her a tired smile. "Sounds good to me."

He finished quickly. She took his plate into the kitchen, rinsed it and put it in the sink. She returned to the living room, took his hand and led him upstairs.

The sex was incredible. She kept her eyes locked on his the whole time he moved above her. She wanted to make sure that she was the only one he was thinking of. When he had come to orgasm, he moved off of her and let out a contented sigh.

"Mmm. I love you Cec."

"I love you too Liam. But we need to talk."

He gave her a look that was full of confusion. "Can it wait until morning? I am exhausted babe."

She shook her head. "Your 'nobody' called today."

"What are you talking about?"

"We're not going to play this game anymore Liam. A woman called our house this afternoon and asked for you. When I asked her name, she hung up. I had to wonder if she thought she was being funny." She reached out and squeezed his hand. "We can get through this Liam, but you have to be honest with me."

He sighed. "Why do we still have a home phone anyway? No one does anymore."

"It's being shut off tomorrow. The only people that usually call that number are my parents and telemarketers. My parents will have to live with calling my cell like everyone else does. Who is she Liam?"

"She really is nobody Cec. I can't believe that I slept with her. It was only a few times and it's over. I promise you. I am so sorry babe."

"You know that I can love you like 'nobody' can. Even better. Twice as good." She tried to coax a smile out of him, because his face has grown serious. "I'll let you do that kinky thing to me that you're always bugging me about."

A smile broke through, but it faded quickly. "Cec."

She stroked her hand over his face. "Shh. I love you Liam. I will do anything to make our marriage work."

"You're too good to me."

"You won't think so if another nobody shows up."

"I really am sorry babe."

"I know. I'm teasing you Liam."

"Goodnight Cec. I love you so much."

"I love you too Liam. Goodnight." She reached over and switched off the lamp.

Liam pulled her back against his chest. "Will you really try that position with me? Maybe over the weekend? We're gonna celebrate if I get that job."

"You'll get the job. I know it. I might try that position with you. If you're really nice to me."

He chuckled. "I knew there was a catch."

She elbowed him lightly. "Hey."

"Kidding baby."

Cec slept better that night than she had in a long time. Liam seemed to be more lighthearted at breakfast the next morning as well. She understood for the first time then how heavily his indiscretion must have been weighing on his mind.

He called her early in the afternoon. He had gotten the job at a higher salary than he'd expected and wanted to take her out to dinner to celebrate. She dressed carefully and applied a little more makeup than she usually wore. When he walked in the door after work, he let out a low whistle.

"Damn baby, you look almost as good in that dress as you do in your lingerie."

Cec smiled. "Thank you. This does mean shorter hours doesn't it?"

He gave her a triumphant grin. "Hell yeah it does. We're gonna make love every night for three weeks straight to make up for lost time. Maybe if we're lucky we'll make a baby huh?"

Cec wasn't sure how bright of an idea it was to create a child so soon after his affair, but she'd wanted a baby for a long time as it was. The house was almost paid off, and with Liam's higher salary, they might actually be able to afford to feed and clothe a child. She gave him a bright smile, though it still felt a little fake. "That sounds wonderful."

He squeezed her hand. "I love you Cec. I married the best woman on Earth."

"Go change your clothes. I'm hungry. I didn't eat lunch. I wanted to make sure I saved room for the cheesecake at Antonio's."

Liam chuckled. "Okay babe. I'll be right back."

Liam returned a few minutes later. He looked so good that she couldn't help but think that she'd married the most handsome guy around. He took her hand and led her out to his car.

Dinner was very nice. Antonio's had a romantic atmosphere and was a favorite of many local couples.

When they returned home, they went straight to the bedroom. No words were needed as they both undressed. Their lovemaking was full of passion. Cec could almost make herself believe that "nobody" had never existed.

Time passed, and Liam's new job was going well. They did make love every night, but Cec made sure it was for four weeks in a row and not just three. She realized after another passionate round of lovemaking that she'd missed her period, but chose not to mention it to Liam that night.

She bought and took a home pregnancy test the next morning after he left for work. She was indeed pregnant. When she told Liam, he was thrilled. He told her that she'd made him the happiest man on the planet. There was no more mention of "nobody". Over time, Cec gained her confidence in Liam back. She thought that the fact that he still wanted to make love to her right up until she had the baby helped, but thoughts of "nobody" soon left her mind. She was confident that they had left Liam's too.

Nobody But You

Jezebel lasted six months after she left him before she called him. Her hand was shaking when she dialed his number. She hoped he hadn't changed his number like she had hers. It had begun to dawn on her more and more every day that she couldn't love another man, that she would never love another man the way she loved Spence.

"Hello."

She felt tears prick her eyes when she heard his voice. His voice was so soothing. She'd always thought that he had the kind of voice that could easily sing even the crankiest baby right to sleep. She had to clear her throat before she could speak.

"Hi."

"Jez?"

"Yeah. It's me Spence."

"I don't recognize the area code. Where are you?"

"That doesn't matter right now. I've been doing a lot of thinking lately and I realized that there were some things that I needed to say to you."

"Okay." Jez thought that his voice sounded cautious.

"I know that I messed things up. Not just once, but over and over again. I lied to you about doing drugs and screwing other guys. I lied to you about a bunch of stupid crap that didn't even really matter. It was just so much easier to lie to you than to admit that I had become a lying, cheating junkie."

"Jez, a lot of people have drug problems. Did you get help?"

"Not exactly, but I haven't used in three months."

"That's great."

"Yeah. You have been the best husband a woman could ever ask for. I know that I was never the best wife. I can't cook, I'm not very good at cleaning, and I can't balance a budget to save my life. I act like a complete fool when I'm drunk, I'm probably addicted to sex and I doubt that I'll ever make the world's best mother. You always loved me in spite of my flaws. And I fucked it all up and then ran away from you when you really needed me. I am so sorry Spence. I can never tell you how sorry I am."

"I'm fine Jez. My dad's even doing much better now."

Jezebel had walked out on him right after his mother had died. He wasn't handling it well. She couldn't take his pain along with the realization that she had let her life become really fucked up, that she had caused it to become really fucked up.

"Have you filed for divorce Spence?"

"No. It's not like I would have known where to send the papers anyway."

Jez felt another piece of her heart break. She knew that she had no right to expect Spence to wait around for her forever, but a part of her had hoped that he'd missed her as much as she'd missed him.

"I can give you my address if you want to send them."

"That's not necessary Jez. If you called to tell me that you're sorry, thank you."

"I didn't only call you to tell you that I'm sorry. I called to tell you that I will never love a man the way that I love you. I can't. I had the perfect man and I messed it up."

"I'm hardly perfect Jez. I snore, I have bad eyesight; I can't do laundry. You know that I can't cook either. I've gained twenty pounds since you left from eating out so much."

"Good. You were too skinny."

Spence chuckled. "If you say so."

"I know that I don't really have a right to ask this of you. I know that our relationship can never be like it was, or the way that it should have been from the beginning, but I . . ."

"You what Jez?"

"I want to come home. I'll be a better wife. We can talk about having a baby if you still want to. I actually have a good job offer back there, at this new restaurant that's opening in a few weeks."

"No."

Jez couldn't breathe for a minute. Tears overflowed her eyes and fell down her cheeks. "I understand Spence. If money is the reason you don't want to divorce me right now, I can pay for it. Maybe not right away, but a few months down the road. They gave me the assistant manager position."

"That's great. I didn't mean it like that. I sold our house, so you can't exactly come home. I bought one of those condos that we looked at when we first got married. It has two bedrooms so we could talk about having a baby. But I need to know that you plan to stay clean. And I can't take you cheating either. I'm self-conscious enough as it is being a less than handsome guy who happened to catch himself a gorgeous woman."

Spence was what you would call ruggedly handsome or at least Jez thought so. His face looked hard, except when he smiled. His nose was crooked and had a bump in the middle. His older brother had broken it when they were little and it hadn't been set right. His blonde hair was shaggy and he had a bad habit of running his fingers through it, making it stick up even more than usual. He had one beautifully blue eye. The other was a muddy brown color. She had laughed at him the first time he had asked her out because he was in no way what she considered to be her type. He was 6'2 and had weighed 160 pounds when they'd met. He was up to 175 by the fourth year of their marriage when she'd left him, but she'd still thought he was too damned skinny.

Her type had always been guys with dark hair that were built. They tended to have tattoos, piercings or some combination of both. Most of the men she had cheated on him with had fit much better into her physical picture of the perfect man than Spence ever had or ever would.

But Spence was smart and he was sweet. He'd always been good to her. She was used to good looking men that treated her like crap. She'd had sex with so many guys by the time they'd started dating that it was starting to disgust her. She'd only had one real boyfriend and he had run for the hills when she had found out she was pregnant. She had miscarried the child, and she had never been completely sure whether it was a blessing or a curse.

Jez knew she was beautiful. She had creamy skin and bright green eyes. She kept a trim figure with little exercise, but she also had curves in all the right places. Her hair was long and wavy. Its natural color was brown with a red tint to it, but she had bleached it blonde two days after she'd left Spence. It was still blonde but she had let the colored streaks she had added fade.

"You're more than handsome enough for me Spence. I've missed you so much. I can leave tomorrow. It's my last day at work. I get off at eight o'clock at night but I don't mind driving through the night to get home to you."

"That sounds great. I hate to ask you this Jez, but have you been with that guy, the one that I caught you with?"

Jez stifled a groan. Spence had caught her in bed with one of her coworkers. They'd worked at a call center and had written dirty notes back and forth for months before they had actually done the deed. She knew that it had made it worse for Spence when he had come home after his mother's funeral and found her naked and in a rather compromising position with Brack. It certainly hadn't helped that instead of going to her mother in law's funeral she been so high that she had forgotten the reason she had left work early in the first place and taken Brack back to their house.

"I haven't been with anyone Spence. Why?"

"That guy called our home phone so many times that I had it disconnected. Then he showed up on our doorstep and told me that you left because you were pregnant with his kid and that he was going to sue you if you'd had an abortion."

Jez snorted. "I should have known he was a little weird. But I couldn't have been pregnant with his kid. We were using a rubber and he didn't get a chance to finish before you walked in on us. Yeah, that was probably not the picture that you wanted to see in your head. I'm sorry. I'm not very good at being sensitive. Sometimes I think I should have been born a man."

Spence chuckled. "I've gotten used to it in the six years that we've been together babe."

"You shouldn't have had to. I've been such a bitch Spence. I'll spend the rest of my life making it up to you."

"Be careful Jez. I might hold you to that." There was a teasing tone in his voice.

Jez laughed. "I wouldn't blame you if you did. The condos you're talking about are the ones on the north end of town right?"

"Yeah. We have the one on the right hand side of the second floor. I think you'll like our neighbors."

"As long as they're better than the last ones."

"They are-believe me. I traded my truck for a sports car. My dad thinks I'm going through a midlife crisis. I have to keep reminding him that I'm not even thirty yet."

"That's funny. But you loved your truck."

"It had too many memories."

Jez paused. She was sure he was thinking of the times they had made love in his truck. They had both lived with roommates when they first got together. Jez's had been a born again virgin who barely tolerated the fact that Jez had a boyfriend. The one time he had spent the night, Katricia had threatened to kick Jez out. Spence's roommate had been a painfully shy man who had had sex twice in his life. He listened through the wall when Spence was with a girl in his room. They had stopped having sex at his place when Jez had happened to glance at the doorway one night when they were having sex and seen Cord standing there pleasuring himself.

"We're going to make better memories Spence. I can't take back all the messed up shit that I've done to you over the years, but I can love you so well from now on that they won't be so painful anymore."

"I know baby. I have to go. I have to get to work. They changed my shift again, but I'm making better money so it's okay."

Spence was a security guard.

"Okay. Well, I guess I'll see you in a couple days. I love you Spence. Thank you for being dumb enough to give another chance."

"Baby, I have been lost without you. I would have helped you with your problems if you had been honest with me."

"I know. I'll let you go now. Have a good night at work."

"I'll try. Bye Jez."

"Bye Spence."

Jez had a hard time sleeping that night. She smoked too many cigarettes and couldn't keep her mind off of Spence. The drugs had been hell to give up, but she didn't think anyone around her would be happy if she went without her nicotine fix.

Her last day at work seemed to drag. She was a hostess at an upscale restaurant, and she normally enjoyed her job, but her mind kept drifting back to Spence. She couldn't wait to see him. Her apartment was already packed, so once she was home she stowed her belongings in the truck and the back seat of her car and headed out to her love.

The trip was four hours, so she reached her destination at almost one o'clock in the morning. She saw a shiny black sports car in the parking lot and wondered if it belonged to her husband. She looked up. Her heart started beating triple time in her chest. Her palms were suddenly sweaty. She wiped them on her jeans. Spence was sitting outside on a kitchen chair, with a big fuzzy collie beside him. The dog was new, but the man was definitely her one and only love.

She walked up the stairs. The dog barked. Spence said "Hush Blue."

Jez smiled. "Blue?"

"I'm not real good at names. Our kids are gonna be in trouble if you expect me to name them."

She laughed. "I think we'll do fine." She crossed to him and put her arms around him. His arms tightened around her waist. She pressed her body to his and then pulled back enough so that she could kiss him. "I missed you."

"The feeling is mutual baby. I like your hair. It brings out your eyes even more."

"Thank you. Can we go inside? It's kinda chilly. How long have you been sitting out here?"

Spence grinned. "A couple hours. No big deal."

"You're still a very silly man." She took his hand. "Bed sounds really good right now."

"Of course. You must be tired."

She winked at him. "Who said anything about sleeping?"

"Should I get your stuff?"

"It can wait. My body has missed your touch for six months."

"I think we can take care of that."

He opened the door and led her to the bedroom. Their love making felt like magic to Jez. Spence had always been an incredible lover, but that night, he put any other man she had ever been with doubly to shame. They made love for hours. By the time their passions were sated, it was almost six o'clock in the morning. Luckily, Spence was off that day. They retrieved her stuff from her car, showered and then went to bed.

Jez knew that it wasn't easy for Spence to even think of trusting her again. She knew that there had been many times in their relationship that she hadn't been worthy of his trust. But she was so happy that he had given her another chance, that she knew she would do anything to prove to him that she was worthy of his love.

That Kinda Love

Morning looked at her cell phone. She wondered if she had the guts to call him after all this time. She had been the one that had walked away. It had been almost a year since she'd walked away from Parrish. She wondered if he still thought about her, if he could possibly still love her the way that she loved him.

She had told him that she needed time to think and then ran off. They'd been involved heavily for a few months. She'd been terrified because she had never felt for anyone what she felt for Parrish. She had had what she considered to be way too many boyfriends both in high school and in college. By the time she met Parrish, she didn't believe that any man was worth trusting. But he had proved himself worthy of her trust again and again, and she had run away from him.

Morning sighed. She closed her eyes and pictured his face. Parrish was tall and thin with reddish blonde hair and pretty blue eyes. He wasn't her type. She'd told him that over and over when he'd first asked her out. She considered him to be too darned skinny. She normally liked her men to be built and preferred both dark hair and eyes. But he had been so sweet that she'd decided to give him a chance. And it had been worth it. The months that she'd spent with him had been the best in her life. She'd been too afraid to say "I love you, too" when he'd told her that he loved her, but she had felt it. She still felt it.

Morning opened her eyes. She took a deep breath and let it out. She wondered if Parrish would be home. He didn't believe in cell phones and still had an answering machine instead of voice mail. She had teased him about living in the dark ages, but she secretly agreed sometimes that it was a pain to always have a phone on your person. She understood the need for some people, but she didn't think that your average person really needed to be connected 24/7.

She dialed his number from memory with a hand that had a slight tremble to it. She shook her head at herself and listened to the phone ring. After five rings, his answering machine picked up. She swallowed hard when she heard the familiar voice.

"You've reached Parrish. This is Tuesday night so I am most likely bowling. If you're selling something, I'm not interested. If this is Morning, I still love you. Leave your name and number after the beep and I'll get back to you."

The phone fell out of Morning's hand. She looked at it lying on the floor and had the distant thought that she should pick it up. But she couldn't move. She felt as if she could hardly breathe. She was tempted to dial his number again, just to make sure that she had heard right, but she knew she had. Parrish still loved her. She lay back on the couch, not bothering with her phone. She felt a smile come to her face, even as tears pricked her eyes. He loved her after all this time. What kind of man did it take to hang on like that she thought?

She found herself lost in a daydream of the first night they had made love. It had been incredible. Parrish was so sweet and so gentle. He treated her as if she would break. She'd teased him while secretly she'd been so touched that she could hardly stand it. No other man had treated her like Parrish did. He'd waited three months to make love to her. She hadn't held out that long since she was in high school.

She sat up on the couch and wondered how long she should wait to call him back. There was no way she wasn't calling him back now. She had to tell him that she loved him too. Her mind raced as she finished up her work for the evening. She was lucky enough to work from home, and she made her own hours as long as her work was turned in on time.

It took hours for her to fall asleep that night. By the time she fell asleep, she was doubly glad that she made her own hours.

The next day, she decided that she would wait until Friday to call him. Wednesday and Thursday seemed to pass painfully slowly to her, and Friday felt like torture. Finally, at a few minutes after 7 p.m. she picked up her phone and dialed Parrish's number. She was disappointed when it rang four times. But by the time the machine had kicked on, she realized that she hadn't known what she would say to him anyway. She had rehearsed over and over in her head what she would say to him, but none of it sounded right.

She listened to his voice. "You've reached Parrish. This is Friday. I'm going to be gone all weekend. Please leave your name and number and I'll call you when I get back on Sunday. If this is Morning, I still love you."

Morning cleared her throat. When the beep sounded, she left her number and nothing else. She hoped that he recognized her voice. She smiled as she pushed end on her phone. She was pretty sure that he would.

She finished up her work for the week by the end of the night. Saturday she started packing. She had decided that if Parrish wanted her to, she was going to go to him. Her possessions would fit in the trunk of her car. She had rented a furnished apartment that was month-to-month. She could work anywhere. She knew that Parrish was attached to the small town he had grown up in, and she'd liked it more than she usually wanted to admit, being a city girl herself.

Sunday evening her phone rang. She felt like her heart was going to beat out of her chest when she saw his name on the caller ID. She picked up the phone, not bothering to say hello. She was afraid that if she didn't say what she needed to say, she would lose her courage.

"I love you Parrish. I'm sorry that I couldn't say it before. I want to be with you. If you want me, I'll come to you right now. And this is not voicemail you're talking to. This is Morning and I will always love you."

Parrish cleared his throat. "You're going to make me cry darlin'."

Morning laughed. "Big strong men that hunt and fish and bowl in a league and make their living with their hands don't cry."

Parrish chuckled. "I've missed you. So much."

"The feeling is mutual Parrish, believe me. I was a chicken. I ran away from you because I was afraid to feel what I was feeling. I've never felt this way before. I can't believe that you've hung on for this long. Any other man would have moved on."

"I'm not any man. I had to hang on. I knew that you were afraid. I will love you like no other man ever will. Come back to me baby. I'll leave the light on for you."

Morning smiled. "How long have you had that message on your answering machine?"

"Since about two days after you left. I held out hope for that long that you'd change your mind. Then I realized that I needed to give you your space. But I needed you to know that I still loved you. Did you go back to Charleston?"

"No. I don't really miss home much. I'm about six hours away from you. I can leave right now and be there around midnight."

"You gonna stick around this time?" She could hear the smile in his voice.

"Unless you decide you don't want me to."

Parrish chuckled. "Don't count on it darlin'. If you can put up with me, I can sure as hell put up with you."

Morning smiled. "I'll see you in a few hours. I love you."

"I love you too Morning. I'll be waiting. Your side of the bed has been really cold without you. I couldn't bring myself to wash the sheets or the pillowcase until your scent had faded from them completely."

Morning laughed. "I'm not sure whether that's really romantic or kinda gross. Maybe a little of both. I'm gonna let you go now Parrish. I'll see you soon."

"Not soon enough darlin'. I've waited for you for almost a year, don't make me wait any longer. Drive safely. I'll see you when you get here."

"Bye Parrish."

"No goodbyes anymore love. I prefer 'til we meet again."

Morning shook her head. "Okay Parrish. Until we meet again."

"You'd better get your pretty little butt here in the next eight hours or I'm gonna get in my truck and come looking for you."

"I'll be there. I promise."

"I'm holding you to that Morning. Oh, you made the happiest man in the universe by the way. But I'm letting you go now. I've missed the sound of your voice, but I want you here beside me where you belong even more."

"I'll be there before you know it."

"You'd better be baby. I'll see you."

"That you will Parrish."

Morning pushed end on her phone. She had her trunk packed and was ready to go in less than half an hour. She took one last look at the place she had called home for almost a year and smiled. She wasn't sad to be saying goodbye. She had a much better life to say hello to.

The drive seemed to take forever and fly by at the same time. When she pulled into Crestview, she smiled. Everything looked just the same as she remembered it. The small town locally owned businesses and the many churches. She drove to Parrish's house on streets that were empty since it was so late on a Sunday night.

He was waiting on his front porch when she pulled into his driveway. His grin was so wide that she thought it was going to split his face when he opened the car door for her. He took her hand and then swept her right into his arms. He kissed her slow and easy and then pulled back, cupping her face in his hands.

"You are a sight for sore eyes woman."

She put her hand over his. "So are you. You're even more handsome than I remembered you to be." She winked at him.

He shrugged. "Me? Handsome? You gotta be kidding." He dropped his hands from her face and twined his fingers through hers. "Let's go inside. We've got a lot of lost time to make up for."

"My bags."

Parrish shook his head. "Your bags can wait darlin'. My bed has been waiting for you for almost a year."

She smiled. "I love you Parrish."

"I love you Morning. I hope my boss can live without me for the next few days. We've got a lot of love to make."

She laughed as he let them into the house. His dog Werner barked, and then wagged his tail in greeting. He licked her hand. "It looks like you're not the only one that missed me."

"He wouldn't eat for almost a week after you left. He missed his mama."

"You silly man. Take me to bed."

"That I can handle beautiful."

They made love for hours. Morning was so happy she could hardly stand it. She couldn't believe that she'd found the love that she was beginning to think didn't exist anymore. They were married six months later, and within a year she was pregnant. Morning was sure that they had the kind of love that would last forever.

The Right Kind of Man

Forever was sitting in her living room alone. It was Valentine's Day, but she was thirty and unmarried so it certainly wasn't the first lovers holiday that she had spent alone. She sighed, and brushed a strand of dark hair out of her face. She'd always thought that her hair was her best physical quality. She certainly didn't think it was her body.

Forever was overweight. She hadn't had a date in a year and a half. She'd grown tired of dating men that thought she would put out on the first date because she was desperate. Sometimes, she did feel a little desperate. Tonight, she was just depressed. She felt her mind drift to what she thought of as her untouchable crush at work.

His name was Shiloh and he was gorgeous. They were both editors for a small book publisher. Forever loved her job, even if some days she felt like she was being driven to insanity by the work of talented authors that was still riddled with grammar errors and typos. Their lunch break was at the same time, so she saw him in the break room. They'd talked, and were friendly, but Forever didn't think she'd ever have a chance with a man like Shiloh. Sometimes, she could fool herself into thinking that he was flirting with her. Like at work that day when he had teasingly asked her if she had a Valentine.

Forever sighed again. Maybe if she was thin, she could believe that Shiloh thought of her as more than an office buddy. But Forever had not been thin since she was eight years old. She had nice hair and pretty dark eyes, but she thought of herself as the girl that people said things about like "Oh she would be so pretty if she was thin" or "She's cute for a fat girl." Forever was tired of it. She'd tried to lose weight, but even when she did it always seemed to creep back up on her a few weeks or months later.

Shiloh was her age. He was tall and had dark hair that was buzzed close to his scalp. She normally preferred guys that had hair that was a least a bit longer, but it looked good on him. Then again she thought any haircut would probably look good on Shiloh. He was built like he worked out and had a tattoo on his neck. He'd laughingly told her that it had hurt like hell to get it when she'd asked him about it. He had pretty hazel eyes and a voice that she found to be musical.

She had decided that it was time to retire to the bedroom when there was a knock at her door. Her cat looked up from his perch on the arm of the couch and gave her a look that might as well have said "Are you going to get that?"

Forever wondered who it could be as she walked towards the door. She had few friends, and most of them still lived back in their hometown or at least a lot closer than she did anyway.

As she opened the door, her heart started beating fast. Shiloh was standing on her doorstep, holding a huge bouquet of flowers and a box of chocolates. She blinked at him, thinking that he might be a mirage, though they didn't live in the desert.

He gave her a grin, showing dimples and straight white teeth. "Hi."

Forever couldn't speak for a moment. She just stared at him. Then she cleared her throat, and decided that he felt sorry for her. She couldn't believe that he didn't have a date on Valentine's Day though.

"Hi."

His grin faded. "I'm sorry to bother you. I'll leave." He shoved the flowers at her. "I wanted you to have these."

As the flowers and heart shaped box of chocolates were in her hands, she paused. She got the feeling that she had offended him. "Shiloh wait."

He turned back to her. "I know that I shouldn't have shown up on your doorstep on Valentine's Day. I got the crazy idea into my head that you might want to be my Valentine since you said you didn't have one."

Forever swallowed hard. "You can come in."

"Thank you."

He followed her into the house and then shut the door behind them. Mittens jumped up off of the couch and disappeared. Shiloh sat down on the couch. She cleared her throat again. Her palms were sweaty and her heart was still pounding. She couldn't believe Shiloh was in her living room, especially when she was wearing a ratty pair of pajamas.

"I'll be right back. Would you like something to drink?"

"Water would be great. Thank you. Tap is fine with me."

"I have bottled."

Shiloh nodded. He was starting to look very uncomfortable.

Forever put the vase of flowers and the chocolates on the counter and then grabbed two bottles of water out of the fridge. She wanted to stay in the kitchen for a minute or two, maybe all night, but she took a deep breath, let it out and then went back to the living room. She handed him the bottle of water. She had no idea what to say to him.

He took his coat off and draped it over the back of the couch. She wanted to tell him to put it back on. She could see his muscular arms. His t-shirt was tight and it clung to his chest. She looked away from him, feeling her face get hot.

"Forever?"

She licked lips that had gone dry and turned back to him. "Yes?"

"Was I wrong to come here? Well, I admit that I was probably wrong to come here. I had to bribe Treya to give me your address. I shouldn't have done that. But I always thought that you kinda liked me. I could be wrong. I'm wrong a lot."

Forever closed her eyes. When she opened them, he was still sitting there and he was giving her a concerned look. "You weren't wrong."

"So, I like you and you like me. I didn't really want to ask you out at work. There aren't any real rules against it, but it's still a little weird you know, even though the bosses are married."

"Yeah." She paused, because what he'd said had just hit her. "Wait, what do you mean you like me too?"

Shiloh laughed, though it sounded more than a little uncomfortable to Forever. "I thought you would have figured that out by now. I wanted to ask you out the first time I really talked to you. You're so pretty and so smart. And you're always so calm. Some days, I want to take up smoking because the job drives me crazy. You have these really talented writers. Well, they're not all talented, but I'm not the one who decides on what gets published so. . . Anyway, you have these talented writers and you know they self-edit probably a bunch of times before we get handed their material, but sometimes it's still riddled with stupid errors. I get it, but it still drives me out my head some days. You don't seem to get like that though."

"I do-believe me. Why would a guy like you want to go out with a girl like me?"

He gave her a strange look. "What do you mean a girl like you?"

"I'm fat in case you haven't noticed." Forever looked away from him. She knew that her face was really on fire now.

"I've always thought you were beautiful."

Forever turned back to him and shook her head. "Why would you want to go out with a fat girl when you could go out with a skinny girl that looks like a model? You're gorgeous."

"Forever, I don't choose my dates based on the size of their waists or the size of their breasts or the size of their pocket books anymore. In high school, I went to bed with a lot of girls for stupid reasons. In college, I did the same thing. Hell, I was still screwing around with a bunch of girls two years ago just because I knew I could. Then I looked at myself in the mirror and asked myself where it was getting me. And the answer was simple. It was getting me nowhere. Or it would have eventually led to a worse place. I would have gotten some random piece of ass pregnant and had to pay child support. It's not that I don't want children. But I want children with a woman that I love, that loves me back. When I met you, I got this stupid idea into my head that you were the woman that would love me for who I am instead of the fact that she thinks I'm hot."

"You are hot."

Shiloh sighed. "I get it. I'm gonna go now."

He stood.

"Wait. I didn't mean it like that. You're smart and you're kind and you're really good at your job. I don't like you just because I think you're hot."

He sat back down, giving her a grin that was almost shy. "So will you go out with me then?"

"I can't."

He gave her a look that was full of confusion. "Why not? I like you, you like me."

"In the last year and a half of being completely without a date, I've come to some decisions about my love life."

"Okay." The confusion was still on his face.

"I decided that the men that I've been with fall into a few distinct categories. Not that I've been with a lot of men, but anyway. Some want maids, some think I'm going to be their mother, some are way too clingy and make me feel like I can't breathe. Others lie and cheat. They usually look like you. Or are really good looking like you. I decided that I wanted a man that's a real man. I'm not a maid as you can probably see by the state of my house. I don't know how to be a mother. I don't want a man that's always up my ass. I've lived by myself for almost twelve years now and I need room to breathe. I'm not going to let a guy lie to me and cheat on me just because I'm not so hot that I can crook my finger and have another man in my bed. I also decided that the man I want does not exist."

Shiloh chuckled. "You did huh?"

"I did. Romance movies make me sick, even romantic comedies do."

Shiloh brushed her hair out of her face. "If you'll give me a chance I can be that man for you. I'm not perfect. I probably need a maid since I'm not the greatest at housekeeping myself, but I wouldn't expect you to clean my house for me because you were my woman. I don't need a mother. Mine did just fine and she's still there when I need her. I can be a little clingy sometimes but if I get clingy tell me to back off. I have cheated, I have lied, but I'm trying to be a better man. I'm not some guy out of a romance movie. It took me a long time to pick out those flowers. I think the salesgirl finally decided I was hopeless and she picked them out for me. I want to be your man Forever." He chuckled. "Your name kind of gives it a double meaning."

Forever smiled. "I guess it does." Her smiled faded. "Are you sure you don't have a secret wife or family?"

"I do not. I promise you." He stuck out his left hand. "See-no white band from where I took my wedding ring off."

"Maybe you just don't wear one." He gave her a look. "I'm kidding Shiloh."

"Can I kiss you?"

Forever bit her lip. "I don't know if that would be a good idea."

"Are you weird about the whole working together thing? I'll quit. I have a job offer at another publisher. The pay isn't quite as good since they're new, but I'll take it if it makes you feel better. I really like you. I haven't been out on a date in nine months. I was holding out the hope that you'd decide you wanted to go out with me."

Forever laughed. "You never asked me before."

"I was hoping you'd ask me. I was pretty sure that you liked me, but I didn't want to make a fool of myself if you didn't. Some girls flirt when they think a guy is safe, I guess so their flirting skills don't get rusty or something. Then I decided that I might as well make a fool of myself by showing up on your doorstep and asking you to be my Valentine like we're in second grade."

Forever smiled. "I will be your Valentine. You don't have to quit your job. I love seeing you around the office. Everybody else that works there seems so old and stuffy. I would love for you to kiss me, but you've made me feel very vulnerable. I'm afraid that a kiss would lead to something more. I don't want to be your one-night stand."

"I couldn't make love to you and walk away. I think I'm half in love with you already. We don't have to do anything you don't feel comfortable with. I admit that I haven't had sex in a while and I have thought about what it would be like to make love to you on many a lonely night, but I don't want to pressure you. I want this to be right."

"You sound too good to be true."

Shiloh laughed. "I'm not, believe me. I snore, I'm terrible about taking the trash out, I spend too much money on stuff that I don't need. I steal the covers, and I think that it's sexy to watch a woman's panties spinning around in the dryer with my boxers."

Forever laughed. "I always knew you were a little weird. You can kiss me. But forgive me if I attack you and drag you to my bedroom. I had a few glasses of wine earlier so my inhibitions are down and my hormones are already screaming at me."

Shiloh smiled. "I think I'll survive if you do. My hormones are pretty much on overdrive too." He winked at her.

Forever closed her eyes when she felt his lips touch hers. It was an incredible feeling. She felt like she was floating. He was so passionate. There was still a part of her that found it hard to believe that she'd made him feel that way. But as he pressed her gently back onto the couch several minutes later, his erection was very evident.

She let out a quiet moan and brought her hand to the crotch of his jeans. He groaned.

"Mmm. Forever, were you serious about taking me to your bedroom? I feel like I'm going to explode."

She licked her lips. "Oh yes."

She took his hand and led her to her bedroom. Mittens shot her a feline dirty look and ran out of the room. Shiloh shook his head. "I don't think your cat likes me."

"I don't think he likes anybody, to tell you the truth."

He chuckled. When they had both undressed, Forever moved immediately to turn off the light. Shiloh put his hand over hers.

"I want to look at you."

Forever gave him a half smile as she looked down at her less than perfect body. "If you insist."

"You're beautiful. Every part of you is beautiful. If you'll give me a second time around tonight, I'll prove to you how beautiful I think you are. But the first time, you'll have to forgive me. I have a feeling it's going to be quick."

"It's okay."

He took her hand and led her to the bed. He'd already put a condom on, but it still felt like too long to Forever before he was inside of her. She closed her eyes as he moved above her. She'd never been able to keep her eyes open for long during sex. She'd seen some very strange looks cross the faces of men she'd been with and she had to wonder what her own expressions looked like.

A moment later, Shiloh paused. "Forever?"

She opened her eyes. "Yes?"

"Look at me."

"I am looking at you."

"Keep your eyes open for just a little while please. I don't care if you make weird faces. I want to know that it's me you're thinking of."

Forever touched his face. "Why would I need to think of someone else?"

He smiled. "Thank you."

He started to move again. She kept her eyes locked on his as long as she could. So much crossed his face. The passion was still there, but then it changed to a dreamy sort of satisfaction. It made her believe that there was no else he'd rather be with.

She had to close her eyes then, because it made her want to cry. He came to orgasm soon after. He let out a contended sigh and moved off of her.

"I feel so much better now. Now I feel like I could take all night to please you. And I can do it if you want me to since we don't have to work tomorrow."

She looked away from him.

"Are you okay? You don't regret it already do you? I know it was quick but I really wasn't that bad was I?"

Forever shook her head. "You were wonderful. I just. . ."

"Just what babe?"

"The way you looked, it made me want to cry."

"Why would it make you cry?"

"I'm not used to men looking at me like that. Their eyes are usually closed too. I guess because they'd rather be with someone else."

Shiloh squeezed her hand. "I wouldn't. I haven't been with a lot of big women, but I never understood why a woman would think that she wasn't beautiful just because she had some extra meat on her bones. Curves are beautiful. Yours are spectacular. I'm surprised you haven't caught me checking out your butt. I looked down your shirt one day too."

Forever laughed. "Thanks. I think."

"Sorry. Your breasts are gorgeous."

She smiled. "Thank you."

"So what do you say I get started convincing you you're beautiful?"

"Sounds good to me."

Shiloh did a very good job of convincing her he thought she was beautiful. He pleased her over and over again with his hands, and his mouth. When he made love to her the second time, it was the best sex of her life. She'd never realized sex could feel that good. She'd had a boyfriend that had loved her, and treated her well, but he had never made her feel the way that Shiloh made her feel.

After they had showered together, Shiloh looked at her and gave her another smile that approached shyness. "Forever?"

"Hmm?" She was exhausted. Very content and so happy that she almost couldn't believe it, but exhausted all the same.

"Would you mind some company tonight?"

She smiled. "I don't think I'd mind your company every night to tell you the truth."

He squeezed her hand and pulled her to him for a kiss that was still as passionate as the first time he'd kissed her. "Be careful darlin'. I might just hold you to that."

"I'll remember that."

She shooed Mittens off of her bed and they lay down together. Waking up in Shiloh's arms the next morning was an incredible feeling for Forever. It made her feel things that she had been beginning to wonder if she'd ever really feel. He made her feel safe, protected, and special. The way he looked at her made her feel as if he could love her. She marveled over that fact for a long time.

They spent much time together after that. Mittens grew to accept Shiloh. Forever secretly thought that her cat had grown to like her boyfriend more than he'd ever liked her. Six months later, Shiloh proposed. It wasn't the most romantic proposal in the world. He'd asked her to help him pick out her engagement ring since he'd confessed that he was even worse at picking out jewelry than he was at picking out flowers, but it was more than good enough for Forever. She lost some weight, since he'd convinced her to start working out with him, but he had her convinced that he'd always love her no matter what she weighed, and he'd told her that he didn't want her to lose all of her fantastic curves.

Special Bonus Story:

Watching you, Watching Me

Carlie's breath caught in her throat as she stood at her bedroom window. Her neighbor was standing in front of his bedroom window again. He was undressing. He was gorgeous. She couldn't believe she hadn't run into him even once since he'd moved in next door almost three months ago. She had looked forward to this time of night for weeks now, since she had first caught a glimpse of him undressing. The first time it had been an accident, but it certainly hadn't been since then.

Carlie sighed as he walked away. She didn't know his name. He seemed to leave the house rarely and was always getting deliveries. She'd noticed packages sitting on his front porch several times when she'd returned home from work. She wondered if he had everything delivered.

Her neighbor on the other side was a notorious gossip and claimed that the good looking man who looked to be in his thirties was some sort of drug dealer or ex con. Carlie had pretended that what Nat had said made sense and then laughed about it when she'd gone back home. The only people she'd ever seen leave his house had been delivering something.

There was no car in his driveway. She hadn't seen a moving truck when he'd moved in either, though Nat claimed to have seen one late at night. Nat thought that his name was Trey, but Karen, the woman across the street, had supposedly talked with him one day and claimed that his name was Connor. Carlie was rather confused, since the names sounded nothing alike, but she wouldn't have had the courage to ask him even if she had run into him.

Carlie had been divorced for three years. She was very self-conscious about the weight she had gained since then. She thought that it was a little ironic that her ex had once threatened to leave her if she ever got fat, and she'd waited to get what she certainly considered to be fat until after he'd already left her. Her marriage with Brandt hadn't been all sunshine and rainbows, but she still missed him sometimes. Then she'd think about what he had done and she'd realize that she was actually quite glad that they hadn't been able to have children together. She didn't think she could stand to have to see him on a regular basis.

Carlie glanced at the romantic suspense novel on her night stand and wondered if she was awake enough to read for a while, or if she should just go to bed. It was after eleven. She had to be up and at the bake shop that she ran with her childhood best friend by 5 a.m., but Mr. Mysterious as she had been calling him in her head lately, always got undressed in front of his window a few minutes before eleven. It wasn't something that she wanted to miss.

Carlie was lonely. She also got rather horny watching her neighbor. She felt like a dirty pervert. The thought that what she was doing was wrong hadn't stopped her though. She figured that she justified it in the same way that many people who had watched others undress without their knowledge did. If he didn't want anyone to watch him, he shouldn't undress in front of his windows. The way he went about the whole thing intrigued her. There were blinds on his window. He seemed to lower them after he returned from the shower or whatever else it was that he got naked to do, but he always raised them before he undressed.

Carlie decided against trying to read. She was too tired tonight she thought. She felt old and tended to take naps during the afternoon to make sure she wouldn't miss what had quickly become her favorite show of the day, but today had been an especially busy day at the shop.

Carlie closed the blinds on her own window and got ready for bed. Thoughts of Mr. Mysterious drifted through her mind as she fell asleep.

The next morning Carlie woke up before her alarm clock went off. She turned her alarm off and got out of bed. She used the bathroom and washed her face and hands and brushed her teeth. She made a face at herself in the mirror. She had never liked the color of her eyes. Her brother and her sister had both inherited their father's blue eyes but she had inherited their mother's brown eyes. She brushed her hair back from her forehead and saw that another pimple had popped up. And she saw several snowy hairs mixed in with the strawberry blonde.

She opened the medicine cabinet, wondering if she had time to rid herself of the white hairs. But she knew that if she did that, she'd probably just find more and still be standing in front of the mirror, deconstructing her appearance when she should be at work. She sighed and closed the door, trying not to catch another glimpse of herself in the mirror before she turned away.

She dressed quickly and pulled her hair back into its usual loose bun and headed out the door. She glanced at the house next door, but saw no movement. She hid another sigh as she backed out of her driveway.

Tanisha was forever trying to set her up with some friend of her husband's, but Carlie just wasn't interested. Brandt was the only man she'd ever been with. They'd been high school sweethearts. She was beginning to wonder if she'd ever have sex again.

Tanisha was already at the shop when she arrived. Her friend looked up and gave her a teasing smile. "You're late."

"I am not."

Tanisha laughed. Carlie had always found the sound of her laugh to be almost musical. "Okay, so maybe you're not, but we've got a lot of work to do today. Dozens of cookies that need to be made and two cakes that need to be ready by closing time. Are you ready to work your decorating magic?"

"It's hardly magic Nish. I learned everything in that class you made me go to."

"It is magic Car. Why are you so down on yourself all the time? I know that it's been hard for you since Brandt took off with that tramp, but honey the world hasn't come to an end. He never loved you the way you deserved anyway. Get over it and move on. There are other fish in the sea."

"This isn't about a man Nish. I don't need a man to make me feel good about myself. I feel like my life went off the tracks somewhere."

Tanisha laughed. "Mine's done that four or five times already. And I'm still here to tell the tale. Garth's friend Evan was asking about you again. He really wants to take you out. He's a nice guy. Even if there are no real sparks between you two, you could at least sleep with him."

Carlie shook her head. "You sound like a man. I'm not going to use some poor guy for sex. I'm obviously not that good at it anyway since Brandt felt the need to sleep with so many other women. And you told this guy that I was still thin or showed him an old picture of me didn't you?"

"You're not that big sweetie. No one would ever look at you and think you weigh as much as you do."

"Thanks Nish. So I don't look like I'm as fat as I really am. I don't want to go out with Evan or any other man for that matter. I think I was meant to grow old alone."

"You were not. And you'll always have me. We'll terrorize the nursing home together."

"Do you really believe that your kids will stick you in a nursing home?"

"You think I want my kids to take care of me? Do you not remember who their fathers are? None of their daddies besides Garth ever bothered to even try to take care of me."

Tanisha had been married three times. She had four children with three different fathers, but she'd been married to Garth for six years now and seemed content.

"Why do women think that they need men to take care of them anyway?"

"It's not about that. Well, maybe for some women it is. For me it's about taking care of each other. You need a man to take care of you sexually. Have you heard of friends with benefits? Maybe you should find yourself one of those. You'd certainly be less uptight."

"Oh, the politically correct term for a fuck buddy. No thank you. What do you think vibrators are for?"

Tanisha laughed. "It's not as good as the real thing. Sex is a normal part of life Car. You don't always have to be in love or expect to spend the rest of your life with someone to have sex with them. Live a little before you really do get old."

"Do you know how many white hairs I saw when I looked in the mirror this morning? We are getting old Nish. Your daughter is almost grown. I don't even have a child. We'll have our twentieth high school reunion in three years."

"So what? We both look better than we did in high school. You're tall. When you're thin you look like a damned skeleton. Curves look good on you."

"I just wish I didn't have so damned many."

"Maybe you should go to the gym. Find yourself a guy who's in great shape or is working to get there."

"No more talk about men. As if I don't think about them enough already. This guy came in the other day when you went out to get lunch. He smelled so good. I wanted to reach over the counter and grab him and pull him closer so I could really smell him. The sad thing was, I didn't even find him attractive. I would still have had sex with him though just because he smelled that good."

Tanisha shook her head. "I told you that you needed to get laid. Has there been anyone since Brandt left?"

"You know there hasn't been Nish. We see each other every day. You would have talked me into telling you even if I'd just had a one-night stand. I certainly heard enough about yours when we were younger."

Tanisha grinned. "Some of them were fantastic. If I managed to have fantastic sex between husbands, you can let go and take some guy from the bar home with you at least once."

"I can't stand the taste of alcohol. The last thing I need is to embarrass myself in public. Besides, guys don't come on to me the way they do with you. You're gorgeous."

"You're oblivious to the fact that men find you attractive, that's all." Tanisha took two sheets of cookies out of the oven and put another two in. "There was something I wanted to ask you."

"Okay."

"I got my kids a dog from the shelter because they've been bugging me forever to get one. He's a good dog, but Garth says he has to go. Will you take him? Please. I don't want to take him back to the shelter. And I don't like to think of you all alone in that big house. Why don't you sell it and move? Then you'd really be leaving your life with Brandt behind."

"I love my house. It's big enough for a family if I ever get around to having one before it's too late. I don't know about the dog. I loved them growing up, but as an adult my feelings kind of changed. They seem to be more trouble than they're worth."

"C'mon Car. My kids are already upset enough as it is that Garth said we had to get rid of Mitty. If they knew he was with you and that they could still visit him, they'd take it a lot better." Tanisha gave her a pleading look.

"You named the poor dog Mitty?"

"The kids named him. Or the older ones were nice enough to let Leela name him. Please Car. I'll be your best friend forever."

Carlie shook her head. "You'd better be my best friend forever anyway. But yes, I will take the dog."

"Thank you. Now let's get to work. Can you start on that birthday cake for the Potters?"

"Sure."

The rest of the day went quickly. Tanisha told her she would drop the dog off later that evening. Carlie went home and took a shower and then a nap. She made herself a salad for dinner and felt like she hadn't eaten anything. She made herself a bowl of low fat yogurt with organic fruit and granola. She felt a little less hungry after she'd finished.

She was curled up on the couch with her book when Tanisha showed up. Mitty was a huge dog. Carlie was suddenly glad that she had a big backyard. She actually had a doghouse in the shed that the previous owners of the house had left behind. She reminded herself to dig it out the next day after she got home from work. Tanisha left her with a leash, dog dishes and a huge bag of dog food. She assured her that Mitty was house trained and would scratch at the door when he wanted to be let out.

He scratched at the door a few minutes before eleven. Carlie groaned. She'd been on her way to the bedroom to watch Mr. Mysterious. She let the dog out into the backyard and then went to her bedroom. The blinds were open next door, but he was nowhere to be seen. She sighed and went back to the living room.

She was half asleep on the couch a few minutes later when the dog scratched at the door. She opened the door and Mitty came inside. She had turned and was ready to close the door when a deep voice said "He's beautiful."

Carlie turned and looked right into the eyes of her neighbor. He was standing at the fence that separated their yards, shirtless and barefoot. He had on a pair of faded jeans that hung low on his hips. The very edge of his boxers was peeking out. She had to swallow hard before she could speak.

"Thank you. My friend's husband said she couldn't keep him so I got stuck with him. Well, not stuck with him exactly." She trailed off, feeling like an idiot.

He chuckled. "I know what you mean. It's nice to have a companion sometimes. I know I certainly get lonely myself. You're Carlie Cooper aren't you? You own the cake shop downtown with Tanisha Landry."

Carlie licked her lips since they had suddenly gone dry. "I am. I don't think I know who you are. Well, other than my neighbor that is." She laughed, but it felt forced. Her heart was pounding in her chest and her palms were sweaty.

"Connor Blakely. It's nice to formally meet you Carlie."

"Yeah. You too." Not knowing what else to say and suddenly wanting to escape back into her house since she had a terrible feeling that he knew she'd been watching him undress every night, she turned away from him.

"Goodnight Carlie."

She didn't turn. Her face felt like it was on fire. "Goodnight Connor."

When she was back inside and the door was locked behind her, Carlie breathed a sigh of relief. Then she laughed at herself for thinking that Connor knew she'd been watching him. Well, she mused as she headed to bed; at least she had a name to add to her fantasies now.

Two weeks later she was standing beside her window at eleven o'clock at night. Mitty was asleep on the floor by the foot of her bed. She was glad that she didn't have to work the next day. Caring for Mitty was beginning to feel like caring for a child. She walked him twice a day. While she knew the exercise was good for both of them, it sometimes felt like he was walking her.

Connor appeared in front of his window. He was standing closer than usual. Carlie was more than a little disappointed. Granted, he usually turned away when he took his pants off, but she loved to look at his ass almost as much as she loved to look at his chest. He lingered by the window and was still standing there several minutes later when it finally dawned on Carlie what he was doing. His eyes were closed and with the movements of his arm, she suspected that he was pleasuring himself.

She felt a blush rise to her cheeks and turned away. But she wasn't halfway to her bed when she turned back. The movement of Connor's arm was slow and steady. Any doubt in her mind of what he was doing quickly left. Carlie swallowed and stepped back slightly. As she watched him, she grew more and more turned on until she felt as if she couldn't take it anymore. Finally, after watching him for what felt like an endless minute, she moved her hand into her panties.

Her eyes drifted closed. She was close to orgasm when she heard the movement of Mitty behind her. She opened her eyes and realized that she'd moved closer to the window. She chanced a glance across her yard and found herself looking straight into Connor's eyes. He gave her a slight smile. She removed her hand from between her legs and hastily shut her blinds. She was humiliated and was glad for the first time since Connor had moved in that he seemed to rarely leave his house.

Carlie took a cold shower and then went to bed.

The next morning she called Tanisha. "Hello." Carlie thought that her friend still sounded half asleep.

"I need to ask you a favor Nish."

Tanisha yawned. "Yep. You got it Car. Now let me go back to sleep. The kids were gone last night. Garth kept me up late. I still have three hours before Leela will be home. I plan to make good use of it."

"I'm sorry. When are your older kids coming home?"

"This afternoon. Why?"

"I need someone to walk Mitty for me today."

"He's not that bad is he? I thought you were starting to enjoy having him around."

"I am. There's another reason Nish. One that I'm way too embarrassed to tell you."

"Huh uh girl. You wake me up out of a dead sleep and then you tell me that you're too embarrassed to tell me something. Are you forgetting who you're talking to? We've been friends since kindergarten, when you ate glue and sniffed the fruit markers so much I swear you got high and I got paid by little boys when I let them look up my skirt. You had sex didn't you? Oh Car, wasn't it any good?"

"It wasn't that. I really can't tell you Nish. You'll laugh at me."

"I will not. I have four children. Believe me, sometimes when they get upset over really silly stuff I want to laugh at them. Not that it means I love them any less. I guess you'd have to be a mother to understand. Fess up. You'll feel better after you tell me anyway."

Carlie sighed. "You know that guy that moved in next door to me?"

"The hot one that never comes out in daylight? If I believed in vampires, I'd think he was one."

"He doesn't come out after dark much either. I actually talked to him a while back. His name is Connor. He has this habit of undressing in front of his bedroom window. It's right across from mine. He's got such a nice body. I know that I shouldn't look, but he stands there with the blinds open. He actually raises them before he undresses."

Tanisha laughed. "So he wants you to watch. Maybe he's lonely too. Have you started undressing in front of your window Car? Did you catch him watching you?"

"Not exactly. It's worse than that."

"Spill it. I hope to be able to go back to sleep."

"Thanks Nish. He was standing in front of his window last night. He stood there for a really long time. After a while, I figured out that he was pleasuring himself."

"Damn. That's kinda creepy but kinda hot too. So he caught you watching him jerk off?"

"Did you have to say it like that? We're not in high school anymore remember?"

"It's jerking off whether they're thirteen or sixty. Did he catch you?"

"Um, well I got really turned on and started to touch myself. I moved in front of the window without thinking about it. I opened my eyes and he was watching me. He smiled at me."

"Go get yourself a piece. He wants you, you want him. Simple as that. Walk Mitty yourself. Maybe you'll run into him."

"That's what I'm afraid of Nish. It was humiliating."

"How was it humiliating? He knows that you've been watching him and he likes it. But he's too shy to do anything about it. So he thought he'd push it a little further and see how you reacted. I'm thinking that your reaction was probably better than he'd hoped for."

"Why would he want me?"

Tanisha let out a sigh that was full of frustration. "I love you Car, but sometimes when I talk to you, I feel like I'm talking to one of my kids. You're not that big. You've always been much more attractive than you'll admit. This guy has a thing for you. Admit it to yourself. Enjoy it. Take advantage of it. Go get laid and let me go back to sleep. And don't ask me a question like that ever again or I'll let Leela kick your ass."

Carlie laughed. "She's five."

"My girl can kick some butt. She can take her brothers down."

"They're twice her size."

"Yes they are. Now I'm going back to sleep. Go knock on Connor's door and get yourself laid. Call me this afternoon and tell me about it. Then I'll forgive you for waking me up."

"But Nish. . ."

"No buts. Talk to you later Car."

Tanisha hung up. Carlie groaned as she hung up her phone. She couldn't believe that she'd told Tanisha about what had happened the night before, let alone that her best friend seemed to think her problem had such a simple solution.

She got dressed and took Mitty for a walk. She usually walked past Connor's house, but that day she went in the opposite direction. She avoided her bedroom window like the plague and tried to pretend she didn't have a neighbor.

Tanisha teased her about Connor at work. She threatened to tell Garth about what had happened if she didn't do something about what seemed to her to be an obvious mutual attraction, but finally shut up about it when Carlie begged her.

Two weeks later, she came back through the alley on her evening walk with Mitty. She let them in through the back gate and unlocked the side door to her house. Mitty had already gone inside. She was halfway inside when a voice stopped her. Connor's voice.

"Carlie, can I talk to you for a minute? Please."

Carlie wanted to pretend that she hadn't heard him. She paused with her hand on the doorknob and let out a quiet sigh. She took a deep breath and then let it out, and turned to face him.

"I think I owe you an apology."

"Oh."

Connor let out a sigh of his own. "Do you want to come over for a cup of decaf, or tea or something? I'd rather do this inside than out. You can bring Mitty if you want."

"I don't know if that's a good idea Connor."

"Please Carlie. I feel like I need to explain myself. I mean you no harm. Bring your dog. You know he won't let anything bad happen to you."

Mitty was a very protective dog, Carlie had to admit that. She called out his name. He came running. She clipped his leash back to his collar and shut and locked the door. Her heart was pounding as she walked to the front gate. Connor met her on his front porch. He held the door for her. Once she and Mitty were inside, he shut the door behind them.

His living room was very neat. There was no TV, only an elaborate stereo system in one corner and a big desk with both a desktop and a laptop computer. He gestured for her to sit down. "You can let him off of the leash. Do you prefer coffee or tea? Though I think I'm out of tea bags so it would have to be iced."

"Tea is fine, with a little sugar please."

"It's already sweetened. Do you want a slice of coffee cake? I'm sure it's not as good as anything you make at the shop, but I thought it was good."

"No thank you."

Connor shrugged and went towards the kitchen. Mitty followed him. She saw him pat the dog's head. He was back a few minutes later with two glasses of tea. She took a sip and then placed the glass on a coaster on his coffee table. It was perfectly sweetened.

Connor settled into the armchair across from her. Mitty curled up at his feet. She shot her dog a dirty look and Connor chuckled. They were both silent for several minutes. Then he cleared his throat. "I feel like such an idiot Carlie. I'm so sorry about that night. What I did was wrong. I noticed you watching me a few times and I enjoyed it. It made me feel good. It's hard to explain, but it made me feel as if life was worth living again, knowing that you were watching me."

Carlie picked up the tea just for something to do. She took a sip and then replaced the glass. "What do you mean Connor?"

"My wife died almost five years ago. We have a daughter. She'll turn five this spring. My mother has custody right now. I couldn't stand to raise her by myself. She looks just like Bessie. I never agreed with her choice. She had cancer. When she found out she was pregnant, she chose to discontinue any kind of treatment. We'd been using birth control, but things happen. Bessie thought it was a sign from above and she made up her mind. She thought that I'd be able to carry on without her if I had a piece of her with me, but I couldn't do it. I'm a terrible father and a terrible man."

"You're not. I'm sure it wasn't an easy choice for your wife to make."

Connor sighed. "Sometimes I think it was. Sometimes I think that she was tired and would have been ready to go even if she hadn't gotten pregnant. But that's not why I asked you in. That night, I let my feelings towards you overtake my sensibility. I think of you quite frequently when I do that in private. I thought that for some reason if you saw you'd realize that I knew you were watching and wanted you in the same way that you seem to want me. Or seemed to want me. I was thrilled when I saw that you were touching yourself as well, but then you opened your eyes and you saw me. The look on your face was terrible. I shouldn't have smiled at you. I never should have done it in the first place. I apologize. I promise you that I'll never do it again. You can go back to watching me if you'd like."

Carlie couldn't bring herself to look at him. "No Connor. I should never have watched you in the first place. I was wrong too. I'm going to go now. Come on Mitty."

Mitty raised his head, but didn't move.

"Carlie. I've wanted to approach since the first time I saw you, but I never had the courage. You're so beautiful. I've seen some of the cakes you've made. They're wonderful. It's almost like an art form."

Carlie laughed. "It's a cake Connor. The shop was Tanisha's idea. I never knew what I wanted to do with my life. She always seemed so sure. I'm just kinda along for the ride. I've felt that way my whole life. The shy, kinda cute girl that always hung out with the pretty girl who was never afraid to speak her mind."

"Do you not know that you're beautiful? Don't you own a mirror?"

Carlie shook her head. "I've gained almost forty pounds since my divorce. I wasn't that great to look at beforehand, now it's just kinda sad. I'm okay with what happened that night. We were both wrong. I'm thinking of selling my house."

Her last statement had slipped out. It hadn't been true until she'd said it. But now that she thought about it, moving away from this neighborhood was starting to sound better and better.

"I see. Can I take you out to dinner sometime? Or make you dinner. I seem to have developed more than a bit of agoraphobia since my wife's death."

"I'm sorry Connor. I wouldn't feel comfortable."

"I understand. But I want you to know that I do think you're beautiful no matter what you weigh. Will you say goodbye if you do sell your house?"

Carlie nodded, feeling tears prick her eyes. "I have to go. Mitty. Come."

Mitty finally responded. She clipped his leash back on and made her escape. When she was home, she let the tears flow. Her feelings were so conflicted that she didn't come close to understanding them. She understood that it had to have been hard for Connor to say the things to her that he had. There was a part of her that wanted to run back to his house and tell him that she'd love to have dinner with him, but there was a part of her that was still much too humiliated to face him again.

So she did nothing. She took a shower and then she went to bed. Two days later, she put her house on the market. Six weeks later it sold. She and Mitty moved into a much smaller house that still had a big backyard. It was reasonably priced. She was able to get more for her old house than she'd thought she would. She did not say goodbye to Connor.

A month after her move, Tanisha convinced her to go out with Evan. There was no chemistry between them. Carlie thought that he was good looking and funny, but knew that she'd never think of him as more than just a friend. He did give her a confidence boost though. He told her she was beautiful and actually made her believe it. She'd lost fifteen pounds since she'd started taking Mitty on longer walks and walking to work since her new house was much closer to the bake shop.

Three months after her move, she was in the back of the shop putting the finishing touches on a cake when Tanisha came into the room and said "Your boyfriend's here."

"Evan and I aren't seeing each other anymore. I thought you knew that. He was never really my boyfriend anyway. We just went out a few times."

Tanisha grinned. "I'm talking about the gorgeous neighbor that you ran away from. He's got an adorable little girl with him. She looks about Leela's age. I should invite her over for a play date."

"Connor is here? You take care of him. I'm staying right here."

Tanisha shook her head. "Nope. It's my break time. I think I'll go see if the hot one's daughter wants a cookie."

"Nish please."

"Honey you are thirty-six years old, not thirteen. You haven't faced him in almost six months. It's time to face him. I've never met a woman in my life that didn't totally take advantage of it when a guy that fine had a thing for her."

"Ha ha. Nish, I'll do anything. I'll watch your kids for the next month. You and Garth can go out every night."

"You and my kids would all go crazy if I let you do that. Now, if you'll excuse me, I have a pretty little girl to bribe away from her daddy."

Tanisha turned and walked out of the kitchen. Carlie groaned. She straightened her apron and then looked at her reflection in the door of the microwave. She sighed. Her cheeks were already flushed. She hoped that no one else was in the shop. She took a deep breath and then let it out.

Carlie walked out to the main area of the bake shop and put a smile on her face. Tanisha had already managed to wrangle Connor's daughter away from him and was sitting with her at a table. Tanisha winked at her and then turned back to the pretty little girl.

Connor gave her a smile. "Carlie. You look wonderful. We miss you in the neighborhood. The family that moved into your house has two very rebellious teenagers. I almost want to move myself."

Carlie laughed. "Your daughter is beautiful. Is she just visiting?"

Connor nodded. "Thank you. For now she is just visiting. I still have to figure out whether I want to stay here or go back to my hometown. Isabella is quite attached to her school and her friends."

"I see. It's good to see you out and about."

Connor chuckled. "It still feels rather strange sometimes. But I couldn't expect a five-year-old girl to stay cooped up inside the house for a week. She just had a birthday. Tanisha is trying to talk me into letting her take Isabella for the night. She has a daughter about her age."

"Leela. She's a bundle of energy. I'm sure they'd have a great time together."

Connor smiled. "I'm sure they would. Carlie, would you have dinner with me tonight? I haven't been able to stop thinking about you."

Tanisha raised an eyebrow at her. Carlie had forgotten that her best friend had such good hearing. She bit her lip. Tanisha frowned at her and then returned her attention to Isabella.

Connor sighed. "It's okay Carlie. I understand if you don't feel the same way."

Carlie shook her head and then decided to lay it all out. "It's not that Connor. I've always been very attracted to you. I'm afraid. Afraid of my feelings, afraid of hurting you. Afraid of getting attached to you and then having you leave. Your responsibility is to that beautiful little girl."

"We can't let our fears stop us from living Carlie. I did that for way too long. I let my fears steal a big part of my daughter's childhood from me. I watched Isabella grow up in pictures and videos because I couldn't stand to look at her and see her mother. It's dinner. One date. Then we let nature take its course. If you decide you never want to see me again, I'll understand and I'll leave you alone. No pressure."

Tanisha was grinning widely. Carlie shot her a dirty look and then turned back to Connor. He gave her an amused smile. "Please Carlie. It doesn't have to be tonight if you don't want it to be. You name the time and the place. Just don't try to make me go dancing please."

Carlie laughed. "You're in luck there. I don't dance either. Dinner would be great. Thank you."

"Great. What time should I pick you up? Or do you want to meet there?"

"Seven is good for me if that's not too late. You can pick me up. I need to make sure Mitty gets his evening walk. Sometimes I feel like I have a child myself."

"I could see that. You live at the corner of 12th and Pine is that right?"

"I do."

"I'm not stalking you, I swear. Tanisha told me."

"That does not surprise me. I'll see you at seven. It's the off white house with brown shutters if Tanisha didn't tell you."

"She didn't. I'll see you tonight. I suppose I should go retrieve my daughter. Would you like to meet her?"

"I'd like that."

"Good." Connor smiled. "I'll be right back."

Tanisha rose from the table. She gave Isabella a bright smile. "I'll see you tonight sweetie. Leela has a ton of dolls and games. We have a big backyard. Leela's bed even pulls out and turns into two beds. You'll have a great time."

Isabella gave Tanisha a shy smile. "Thank you. Daddy is it okay?"

Connor smiled. "Of course it is sweetheart. I know you miss your friends. Come meet Daddy's other friend."

Carlie smiled at Isabella. The child gave her an inquiring look. "Are you my dad's girlfriend?"

Carlie wasn't sure how to answer. Connor hid a smile. "Isabella, this is Carlie. Right now Carlie is just an extra special friend of Dad's. We are going out to dinner tonight though. Would you like to come?"

Isabella shook her head. "Tanisha said that they're having homemade pizza and that I can help make it. I like it when Grandma lets me help her make dinner. Dad can we still go to the park?"

"Yes honey. I'll see you later Carlie. It was nice to see you again Tanisha. Thank you so much for the invitation for Isabella."

"No problem Connor. Garth will pick her up at five thirty if that's okay. He has to pick Leela up from her ballet class."

"Sounds great."

Tanisha smiled. "Good. Can I borrow Isabella for another minute? I want to send her home with some cookies if that's okay with you. She says that Daddy isn't a very good baker."

Connor laughed. "She's right. That's fine."

Tanisha reached out her hand. Isabella took it and they headed back to the kitchen. Since there was no one else in the shop, Carlie was suddenly alone with Connor. She was painfully aware of the fact. He looked at her. She tried to look away, but his eyes drew her in. They were full of so much sincerity. She backed against the counter because she wanted very badly to reach for him.

She could hear Tanisha and Isabella chatting in the kitchen, but for Carlie it felt as if they were in a world of their own. Connor tentatively reached out a hand and brushed it across her cheek. Carlie closed her eyes when she felt his lips touch hers. She put her arms around his neck and let herself get lost until a few minutes later when Tanisha loudly cleared her throat.

"I hate to interrupt Carlie, but do you know where the last of the s'mores bars are? I can't seem to find them."

Carlie pulled away from Connor and gave her friend an embarrassed smile. "I'll get them. I'm sorry Nish."

Tanisha grinned. "As my oldest and dearest friend, you can imagine what dirty deeds I've done in this building after closing time. The kiddo didn't see. There's no one around. It's all good."

"Too much information Nish. We'll be right back Connor."

Connor chuckled. "Take your time."

Carlie followed Tanisha to the kitchen. Isabella was sitting on the footstool they kept there, patiently waiting. When Carlie saw the huge bag of cookies that Tanisha had already put aside, she had to laugh. "Nish, you're going to put her into a sugar coma. There's no way Connor is going to let her take that many cookies home."

"Hey, Isabella is taking some home with her to Grandma's house. She told me that Grandma isn't much of a baker either."

"I see. Let me get you those s'mores bars." Carlie dug around in the freezer until she found what she was looking for. Since there were only six inside, she handed the whole thing to Tanisha. "There you go."

Tanisha put the smaller plastic bag into the larger one. "There you go sweetie. We'll go take this to Daddy."

Isabella nodded. "Thank you."

As they turned to leave Carlie said "It was nice to meet you Isabella. I hope to see you again sometime soon."

"You too. Thank you."

As Isabella walked out of the kitchen Tanisha said quietly "You'll see plenty of her. Future stepmother."

"Tanisha."

Tanisha shook her head. "You're already gone girl. I can see it in your eyes. You're gonna walk in here Monday with a huge grin on your face. You're getting laid tonight. I can feel it."

"Is that why you asked to take Isabella for the night?"

Tanisha grinned. "You're welcome."

Carlie shook her head as she followed her friend out of the kitchen. Connor thanked them for the cookies and then he and Isabella said goodbye. Tanisha teased her endlessly about sex the rest of the day. She wanted to pull her hair out by closing time. But she was worried too. With the way she had felt when Connor kissed her, she was afraid that he wouldn't have to try very hard to talk her into bed with him.

When she got home, she took Mitty for his walk. After they were home she took a shower and then agonized over what to wear. She had no idea where Connor was taking her and wished she'd thought to ask. Finally she decided that semi casual would be best. She pulled out a new pair of dark slacks and a violet sweater set. She had to run the lint brush over her clothes three times by the time the doorbell rang. Mitty had decided he wanted to be even more affectionate than usual.

Her heart beat fast as she opened the door. Connor smiled at her. "You look great. I probably should have told you where we were going."

Carlie laughed. "I thought about that too. I figured that jeans and a t-shirt were probably the wrong way to go unless you were taking me to a drive through."

"Not on the first date. Maybe the second." He winked at her. "You ready to go?"

"Yes. Let me put Mitty out."

She let Mitty out into the backyard. He whined at her for a minute, but quieted as she shut the door. "He's a little spoiled."

"I can see that. I hope you like Italian."

"I do."

"Good." Connor smiled as he held her front door open for her. She shut and locked it and followed him out to a dark blue sedan.

Connor held the car door for her. She got in and shut the door. When he was behind the wheel she said "Nice wheels. When did you get this?"

"Right after you moved out. When you didn't say goodbye, it kind of made me come to the realization that I was letting my life pass me by."

"I'm sorry." Carlie gave him an apologetic smile.

Connor shook his head as he started the car. "No need to apologize. I think I needed it."

"Was Isabella excited to spend the night with Leela?"

The rest of their conversation was about Isabella until they reached the restaurant. The restaurant was relatively new in town. Carlie had never been there. The lights were low and the atmosphere was romantic. They followed a pretty waitress back to a booth. Conversation was light, but Carlie could feel the tension. She felt like there was a pink elephant sitting in the middle of the table. And it was called sex.

By the time they had finished eating, Carlie was thrilled that Connor hadn't offered to cook her dinner. She had a feeling that if he had, they would have already been in bed together. But she was helpless with anticipation and was almost disappointed when he drove straight to her house after they left the restaurant.

He walked her to the door. Mitty barked at her from the back yard. Connor laughed. "Someone's glad that you're home."

"Yeah. Do you want to come in for a minute?"

"I'd like that."

Carlie unlocked the door. He followed her inside. She left Connor on the couch while she went to let Mitty in. Mitty joyously greeted both of them and then seemed to content to lie on his pillow next to the front door. They sat in silence for several minutes, then both started to speak at once.

"Connor," she said.

"Carlie," he said.

Carlie laughed. "I'm sorry. Go ahead."

"No, you go ahead."

Carlie licked her lips. "Will you kiss me?"

Connor smiled. "I'd like nothing more."

Their kissing soon grew heated. Carlie pulled back several minutes later to take a breath. "Would it sound too forward if I asked you to stay with me tonight?"

"I'd love to. I'd have to leave early in the morning though. I want to make sure that I'm home when Isabella returns. Would I be too forward if I told you I don't have protection?"

Carlie blushed. "My brain is kind of cloudy right now. I was thinking of that, but I didn't think that far ahead. I'm not on birth control anymore."

"I could go to the store."

"Maybe next time. I've never been with anyone besides my ex-husband. I'm really nervous."

"I haven't been with anyone for almost four years Carlie. There have only been two women for me besides my wife. I think we'll do fine. We'll take it slow and easy okay?"

Carlie smiled. She took his hand. "I'm not sure I can handle slow and easy the first time."

Connor grinned. "We'll take it slow and easy the second time then."

"Sounds good to me."

She led him to her bedroom. Connor shut the door behind them. Mitty whined to be let in, but Carlie shook her head. "He likes to jump up on the bed."

"We wouldn't want that right now, now would we?"

"Oh no."

Carlie undressed herself. Connor took it slow. It reminded her of the delicious moments she had spent watching him through the window. He smiled at her and then led her to the bed. The sex was incredible. Carlie didn't think she'd ever spent so many pleasurable hours in her life.

After they had showered, they let Mitty into the bedroom. Carlie gave him a stern look and directed him to his bed which lay on the floor at the foot of her bed. She and Connor lay down together. She felt utterly content. She knew at that moment that she could love him, that she very likely would quite soon.

She traced a heart on his chest. "Do you shave your chest hair or do you just not have any?"

Connor chuckled. "I actually seem to have inherited an almost hairless chest from my father. Not very manly, I know."

"No. It's nice. Every part of you is very nice."

Connor kissed the side of her neck. "Thank you. The feeling is mutual. I realize that you've lost a little weight, but you must have been terribly thin before you gained weight. You have a beautiful body. Curves in all the right places."

"Thank you. I actually feel like I walk Mitty most of the time now instead of the other way around."

"That is good. Isabella wants a dog. But my mother is allergic."

"I'm sure she'd love Mitty. Tanisha's kids loved him. She can visit him if she'd like. Of course I guess it would have to be well before she goes home. When does she leave?"

"Four days. The time seems so short. I'll miss her so."

Carlie hid a sigh. "I know you will."

Connor brushed her hair back from her neck. "Carlie, are you okay? I don't like to think that you already regret what we've done."

"It's not that. I'm afraid of losing you. I know that you have to do what's best for Isabella though."

"I feel like I've been hit by a freight train Carlie. But not in a bad way. What we could have together can be a very beautiful thing if we let it. My daughter still needs time to get adjusted to the idea of living with me full time. Maybe with enough visits with Tanisha and her kids, she won't even be upset about living here. The schools are quite good here."

"Are you sure?"

"If we question too much, we can talk ourselves out of anything, even something that could quite easily turn into love." Connor squeezed her hand. "I could very easily see myself head over heels in love with you Carlie."

Carlie smiled. "I feel the same way about you. It half scares the shit out of me and half makes me want to tie you to my bed and never let you leave."

"Mmm. Sounds kinky. We might have to try that sometime." He winked at her. "Will you set the alarm for seven thirty please? I'd say eight, but I think I might have a hard time talking myself out of your bed."

Carlie kissed him. "It's a good thing I don't have to work tomorrow or you'd have to talk yourself out of my bed at four thirty in the morning."

Connor chuckled. "I didn't think about that. The shop is closed on Sundays right?"

"Most Sundays. Busier parts of the year we're open longer hours and seven days a week. That's when Tanisha has to hire extra help."

Connor yawned. "I could see that. Goodnight Carlie. I had a fantastic time tonight."

"I did too. I'm so glad you came into the shop today."

"Me too. I almost didn't stop. My daughter convinced me."

"I'll have to thank her someday."

"Yes. I'm sure you two will get along great."

"I hope so."

Carlie leaned over and set her alarm. She switched the lamp off and then snuggled back into Connor's arms. "Goodnight Connor."

The alarm seemed to go off all too soon. They both used the restroom and then crawled back into bed together. Mitty whined to be let out. She sighed as she let him out the back door. When Carlie returned to the bedroom, their heated make out session turned into leisurely love making. When they had finished, Connor groaned as he looked at the clock.

"I wish I didn't have to leave. I would love to spend all day in your bed."

Carlie smiled. "There will be other days for that."

Connor grinned. "Oh yes there will." He dressed quickly and then gave her a quick kiss.

She let Mitty back in on the way by. If her dog had been a human she thought that he would have given her a very dirty look. She walked Connor to his car. "I'll see you."

"You will. Count on it. Oh, can I have your phone number?"

Carlie laughed. "Of course." He took out his cell phone. She gave him her number. Then she gave him a lingering kiss. "Goodbye Connor."

"No goodbyes. 'Til we meet again Carlie. I'll call you. I'll ask Isabella if she'd like to visit Mitty."

"Sure. I'll talk to you later Connor."

He gave her a wave as he drove away. He called her later that afternoon. Isabella wanted to visit Mitty the next day. They made plans for them to come over after Carlie got off of work. It was a nice day. They walked the dog together and then made dinner together.

Connor talked Carlie into going with him when he took Isabella back to his mother's house. His mother was thrilled to meet her. Carlie liked the older woman very much. She spent much of her time off with Connor after that.

Things moved quickly between them. Two weeks after their first date they discussed moving in together. Four weeks after that they did because Carlie was pregnant. They compromised at first. Carlie and Mitty moved into Connor's house since it was bigger. They found a bigger house two months later. Isabella was soon living with them happily. They were married on the sixth month anniversary of their first date. Carlie thought she'd never been happier. She wasn't sure she'd ever be able to tell her grandkids the truth about how she had met Connor though. It still seemed strange to her to think that she used to spy on him when he undressed in front of his window, but she was glad that she had and that he had caught her.

Special Bonus Story:

One Night of Your Life

Winter rolled her window down a crack. The rain was pouring down. She almost rolled it back up, but she'd never been able to stand being cooped up anywhere with the windows closed when she smoked. She took a drag of her cigarette and wondered how much longer she could drive before she fell asleep behind the wheel.

She turned the radio up and happened to glance to the side of the road as she passed the exit sign. It was the middle of nowhere, but there had been a man standing by the side of the road, not carrying an umbrella or wearing a coat. Winter had never in her life thought of picking up a hitchhiker, but before she could talk herself out of it, she braked and then backed the van up.

She rolled the passenger side window down. "Get in. Please. You're drenched."

He gave her a grin. He had straight white teeth and a beautiful pair of green eyes. She noticed as he got in that his t-shirt was plastered to his chest. It looked to be a very nice chest.

He shut the door. She rolled both of the windows back up and turned the heater up a notch. "You can put your bag in the back if you want. Where are you headed?"

"Anywhere but here." He laughed.

"That makes sense since it's the middle of nowhere. How long have you been out there?"

"Hours that felt like days. What's your name? And thanks for the ride by the way. I never expected a woman to stop, especially one who looks like you."

"Uh huh. My name is Winter. And you are?"

"John."

"It's nice to meet you John. I'm exhausted and was thinking about pulling over for the night. What do you think about sharing a room?" The last part had come out completely without thought. While the sensible part of Winter's brain wanted to take it back, the hormonal part that knew she had a very attractive man beside her did not.

"Is that some kind of a cheap come on line?" John chuckled. "You can drop me off wherever you decide to stop. I wouldn't want to put you out like that. You've already done enough. I was beginning to think that no one was ever going to stop."

"I insist. Who knows when it's going to stop raining? You can take a shower, put on some dry clothes. Please tell me that you have a jacket."

"It's in my bag. You sound like a mother. Where are your children?"

"I don't have any. My ex and I had trouble conceiving. Sometimes I think that was a blessing."

"Was he really that bad?"

"No. He wasn't that bad. I wasn't that bad. We just tended to bring out the worst in each other instead of the best."

"I see. My ex-wife walked out on me about a year ago. We tended to do the same thing I think. We were separated for about six months and we were perfectly civil. We got along better than we had when we were together. So we tried to get back together. It didn't work. Within two days we were at each other's throats again. So I left. Been kinda drifting ever since."

"Isn't it hard? I wouldn't think that a lot of people would want to pick up hitchhikers."

"You'd be surprised. But if I get stuck somewhere for too long, I just buy a bus ticket out."

"Oh. Are you hungry? That exit coming up should have a drive through. I'd say we could go to a diner, but I'm not in the mood to wait." She yawned. "I'm so tired."

"I am hungry, but you don't need to bother. If you're tired just find a motel and get some sleep. Where are you headed?"

"To my niece's graduation. I can't believe she's eighteen. It seems like the last time I looked she was a baby. I am a little hungry myself so we'll see what we can find. I'll pay for the food and the motel. It's no big deal. I'm doing pretty well right now. Somehow I'm able to balance my budget a lot better now that I'm divorced."

John chuckled. "My wife was better at that than me. I always had this idea in my head that no matter how broke I got, there would always be more ya know?"

"Hmm." Winter pulled off at the exit. She could see two drive through fast food restaurants and a motel within sight. "Do you prefer burgers or tacos?"

"I don't care. Get whatever you want."

Winter sighed. "Give a girl a break. I don't care. I'm easy." She turned to look at him when she stopped at the stop light. "Well, not easy like that. Although I was a little back in high school. I was a chunky and that seemed to be the only way I could get a guy to like me. Wow, I did not need to tell you that."

"It's not wrong to like sex. It feels good. I considered myself a sex addict for a while. I cheated quite a bit. Sometimes I wondered why my wife didn't leave me long before she did. But I'm trying to be a better man. I wanted to be a better husband, but it's a little hard once you figure out that you really are better off apart. She's dating some actor now. I can't even remember his name. He's the third one. The divorce was final and she wasted no time. Anyway, I would prefer tacos. Thank you."

Winter smiled as she pulled away from the stop light. "An actor huh? When I first got divorced, this was right after my first novel was published, this actor that I had a crush on when I was a teenager hit on me at this party. It was kinda gross because he's like twenty years older than me and he did not age well. I turned him down and then regretted it since I heard he's supposed to be fantastic in bed. I've been rather high and dry since my divorce."

"I find that hard to believe. You're beautiful. What do you write? Anything I've heard of?"

"Nothing on the best seller list and definitely not the great American novel. I write mostly romance. Down and dirty bodice ripping romance with lots of sex. Which I find to be totally ironic most of the time since I have no love life or sex life to speak of."

Winter pulled into the parking lot of the restaurant and joined the line behind three other cars. John cleared his throat. "So I'm thinking that you don't want a man in your life?"

Winter snorted. "Oh, there have been times that I felt like I would have taken any man, even if it was just for the night. Then I decided that I wanted to do it right the second time around. Do you think you'll ever get married again? Do you have kids?"

"I don't know about marriage. I kinda feel the same way that you do. If I do it again I want to make sure I get it right. No kids. I wanted them and she didn't. She won."

"I'm sure you've had plenty of women out on the road. You're gorgeous. Many women must have invited you into their house for the night, into their bed."

"I'd be lying if I said that wasn't true, but it was just meaningless sex. It was about one body helping another body get off. I always thought that if it was right, even if you just met someone, it didn't have to be meaningless."

Winter swallowed hard as she pulled up to the speaker. She didn't look at him. She was afraid of what she would see written on his face. "So what do you want to eat? Anything you want."

"Oh I don't think you'd be comfortable giving me what I really want Winter. But that's okay. I'm not going to try to talk you into something you don't want. I'm not that kind of man. Let me look at the menu."

He leaned over her. She could smell his cologne. She suddenly wanted to kiss him like she'd never wanted to kiss a man before. He was crazy if he thought she didn't want what he wanted she thought. He told her five items that he wanted. She laughed and had to tease him even though they were all a dollar or less. "Are you sure that's all you want?"

"To eat yes." He winked at her as he moved back to the passenger seat.

She closed her eyes briefly and then waited for the voice to come back on the speaker. She placed their order and then pulled forward. She felt like the tension was so thick in the car that you could cut it with a knife. The food seemed to take forever and the last two songs on the radio had been about sex. She reached over and shut the radio off.

John gave her a lazy grin and pushed his dark hair out of his eyes. "Do you believe in signs Winter?"

"If you want to see them you can find them anywhere. If you look for them everywhere you can eventually turn them into whatever suits your purpose at the time and end up driving yourself crazy."

"I suppose you could. Have you ever picked up a hitchhiker before?"

Winter shook her head. "No. I never even really thought about it. I don't see them that often. When I do, it's usually somebody who looks like they'll rob me or something."

"Do you believe in destiny?"

"I guess. But I don't believe in all that romantic bullshit. It probably sounds kind of dumb coming from a romance writer, but it's true."

"I see." He paused as she took their food from the girl at the window. She handed him the bag, then pulled out of the parking lot and headed up the road to the motel. "So you wouldn't believe me if I told you that I thought we had been destined to meet tonight?"

"No. I should have actually already been there. My sister is kind of nontraditional. She had the graduation party before the actual graduation. I was supposed to leave two days ago, but I had a deadline to meet. I got behind when I got an idea for this other novel that just wouldn't leave me alone. The party was tonight. I missed that, but graduation isn't until the day after tomorrow so at least I won't miss that."

"Does it not seem strange to you that you should have already been there but you're not, and you happened to decide to pick up a hitchhiker when it's against your nature?"

"It's not exactly against my nature. I'm not a bitch, or at least I don't like to think so. I'm just cautious."

"Normal behavior for a single woman. I'll shut up now. It's obvious that you're not interested. I'm sorry."

"No, it's okay." She pulled into the parking lot of the motel and parked next to the office. "I'll be right back."

"I'll be waiting."

A pretty woman in her twenties was behind the counter. She gave Winter a bright smile. "Good evening. How can I help you?"

"Your sign says that you have vacancies. Please tell me that you do. I'm exhausted."

"We do. Smoking or non-smoking?"

"Smoking please. With two beds."

The girl raised an eyebrow and glanced at John. "Tell me you're related to him. There is no way I wouldn't share a bed with a guy that looked like that if I wasn't."

Winter fought an eye roll. "I'm not. Do you have a room with two beds?"

The girl sighed. "You're a lesbian aren't you? Or he's gay. All of the really good looking ones seem to be."

"No. I don't mean to be abrupt, but do you have a room with two beds? I really am very tired."

"Sorry. My husband is in the military. Sometimes I think I like to look a little too much. Um, let me check." The girl looked at a sheet of paper. She ran her finger down and then looked at Winter and shook her head. "The only smoking rooms we have only have one bed. Actually, the only rooms we have left period have one bed. There's some convention in town."

Winter sighed. "Damn. I guess we'll take a smoking room then. It's $39.99 plus tax right?"

"It's $68.12 with tax. Will that be cash, or credit?"

Winter stifled a groan. "That seems like an awful lot of tax."

"That's the 'and up'. I told the manager that he should change it since there are only three rooms in the whole place that are $40 a night, but he won't do it. People usually end up paying it anyway. We're a lot cleaner than the other places on this road."

"Fine. Credit." Winter gave the girl her credit card and her license. "Do you need to see his ID too?"

"I'd like to see a lot more of him than his ID, but no. You're fine. Just one night?"

"Yes."

The girl made a copy of her license and then processed the card and handed her the receipt. She pulled a key off a hook behind her and handed it Winter. "Second floor, all the way to the right. Are you sure you're not a lesbian? If I had a guy like that even for the night, there's no way in hell I wouldn't have sex with him. If I wasn't married and you told me you didn't want him, I'd be all over him right now. You wouldn't have to worry about sharing a bed with him because I'd have him in mine."

"How old are you?"

"Twenty-three. Why?"

"He's too old for you."

"Not for one night he isn't. Are you blind? I can see his shirt sticking to his chest through the window. I can only imagine how good he looks without it on."

"So he's good looking. It doesn't mean that we need to hop into bed with someone every time we find a member of the opposite sex attractive."

"Before I got married, it was really good when I did a few times."

Winter turned away and rolled her eyes. "Have a good night. I hope your husband comes home soon."

"Me too. I'm not gonna let him out of our bed for three days straight."

Winter laughed. "I'm sure you won't."

Winter shook her head as she walked outside. John grinned at her. "That took long enough. Did they not have the room that you wanted?"

Winter cleared her throat as she got back behind the wheel. "Uh, the only rooms they had available only had one bed."

"I can sleep on the floor. It's not like I haven't slept on worse."

Winter pulled into an empty parking space. "You don't have to do that. I'm sure the bed is big enough for two."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes."

She didn't look at John as she retrieved her bag out of the back of the van. After he had retrieved his bag from the back seat she waited for him to get out of the van. After he had shut the door she pushed the button to lock the vehicle.

"I can carry your bag," he said.

She shook her head. "It's not heavy. We're on the second floor."

He grinned at her. "Would you have let me carry it if it was heavy?"

"Probably not. Yours looks heavy."

He threw his bag over his shoulder. "I'm used to it. The rain seems to be letting off. Are you sure you want to share your room with me?"

Winter gave him a look as she headed to the stairs. "I've told you that I'm fine with it more than once. If you don't want to, you don't have to. But you're more than welcome. With what I paid and the state of this place on the outside at least, it was more than enough for two people."

John followed her up the stairs. "You go to California the rooms are almost a $100 a night. And half of those are dumps."

"I don't like California. Not my kind of place. I grew up in a small town. You can still buy a house there for a years' wages, not two or three or ten."

John chuckled as she put the key in the door. "Yeah, it's pretty sad. Sometimes all of the beauty in the world is hard to see around all the shit."

"Yeah." Winter opened the door and turned on the light. The room was clean. It wasn't quite the dump that she'd thought it would be. She immediately walked over to the window and pushed it open.

John gave her a look as he shut the door. "Are you some kind of fresh air buff?"

"I can't stand to smoke without a window open. Sounds kinda dumb even to me, but it's true. I should quit smoking I know."

John shrugged as he deposited his bag on the floor. "Everyone has their little idiosyncrasies. I love the smell of the air when it's raining. Fresh and clean."

Winter sat down on the bed and took the bag of food that he offered her. "Not always. I've been in cities where the rain just made it smell worse. It kicked up all the nasty smells on the ground, especially in certain parts of town."

"I've been in those kind of towns too."

"I bet you've been just about everywhere."

"A lot of places. When I find a place that feels like home, I'll settle down." He took the bag back from her after she'd removed her food. "Thanks. I can cover my part. I'm not quite that broke."

"Don't worry about it. How will you know it feels like home?"

"I guess I'll just know."

Winter nodded, though she wasn't quite sure that she understood. They were silent as they ate their food. They both finished quickly. She had been hungrier than she'd thought. John got up from the chair he was sitting in and stretched. His shirt rose enough so that she could see the edge of his boxers. She swallowed hard.

"You don't mind if I take the shower first do you?"

Winter looked at her feet. She was already imagining him naked and it was driving her crazy. It wasn't just because she had just met him and disapproved of her strong attraction to him. It was also because she really wanted to know what he looked like naked.

"Go ahead."

"You okay?"

"Yes. Go. I'll turn the heat on a bit."

"Okay. Thanks." John rummaged in his bag for clean clothes. He was headed to the bathroom when he turned. "I don't suppose I could talk you into joining me."

Winter couldn't speak for a moment. Her hormones were a complete threat to her sensibility. She felt like a horny teenager. She cleared her throat. "No thank you."

John sighed. "You don't need to be afraid of this Winter. I feel it too. I've never felt quite this way before. The physical attraction, sure. But there's something more here. Don't tell me that you don't feel it. We were meant to be together tonight."

Winter forced a laugh. "You sound like some kind of a romantic prophet."

John shook his head. "I'm no prophet. I just listen to my heart. And right now it won't shut up."

Winter snorted. "Are you sure what won't shut up doesn't reside a little bit lower in your anatomy than your heart?"

John chuckled. "That doesn't want to shut up either, but I can deal with that. Men learn to ignore their little heads. If you want to pretend that this didn't happen for a reason, go ahead. But you'll always wonder. What could have been. What should have been. If you change your mind, feel free to join me." He winked at her.

Winter held her groan until she heard the shower start. Her heart was beating fast and her palms were sweaty. She lit a cigarette, but only took one drag before she put it out in the ashtray beside the bed. She was on edge, but nicotine wasn't going to help her. Nicotine wasn't what she was craving. She was craving the touch of a man. One man in particular who happened to be naked about 15 feet away from where she sat.

Winter closed her eyes. But she couldn't shut out the picture of John's naked body that her head kept trying to create. She took a deep breath and then let it out. Fuck it she thought. She was going to join him.

She undressed quickly and stepped into the bathroom, shutting the door behind her. She pulled the shower curtain aside and drank in the sight of John's body. He looked even better naked than she'd thought that he would. He gave her a wide grin.

"I was beginning to think that you'd changed your mind."

She raised an eyebrow as she stepped into the shower. "Changed my mind? I think someone has a big ego."

He reached over and pulled the shower curtain closed. "I can tell when a woman wants me. You wanted me the moment you saw me."

Winter laughed. "That sounds suspiciously like your ego talking."

John reached out his hand and brushed it over her arm. "It's okay Winter. The feeling is very, very mutual. We can fight this inexplicable feeling that we both know is right and we'll always wonder. Or we can let go and let ourselves feel and have a night that neither of us will ever forget."

Winter sighed as he moved his hand to her face. "I've never had a one-night stand before."

"If it's meant to be darlin' we will meet again."

"How can you be so sure?"

"Some things a man just knows."

"Uh huh."

"Shh baby. That's your head talking. Let your body take over. I'll give your body anything that it wants tonight."

Winter smiled. "Within reason of course."

"Within reason." John smiled. He ran his hand down her arm again. It sent shivers down her spine. He kissed her, slowly and softly. "Tell me what you want baby."

She whispered into his ear. His smile grew wider. "Mmm. That I can most definitely handle."

When they finally made it out of the shower, they couldn't seem to get to the bed fast enough. Winter had never had such an erotic shower in her life. Neither bothered to take the time to dry off.

John paused. "One thing darlin'."

Winter looked up at him and wanted to groan. "Yes?"

"I don't have protection."

Winter sighed. "Damn."

"There was a convenience store back by the drive through wasn't there?"

Winter bit her lip. She'd never had unprotected sex besides with her ex-husband, but she really wasn't in the mood to wait. She felt like she was on fire with passion and she didn't want her sensibility to take over. And if she wanted to be completely honest with herself, she wanted to feel every part of John in every way possible. "Um, I'm okay with it if you are. I'm clean."

John chuckled. "I would think you would be more worried about things that like than I would be, but I am as well. Are you sure Winter? If you say yes, I'm going to make love to you to all night long."

Winter felt color rise to her cheeks. She gave him a half smile. "Promises, promises."

"I keep my promises darlin'. Now shall we start with that sexy suggestion that you whispered into my ear?"

"Oh yes."

John smiled. Winter had never had a night so filled with passion in her life. John was an incredible lover. Her ex-husband hadn't been bad in bed by any means, but he wasn't the best at foreplay. John was fantastic at foreplay. He pleasured her fully with his hands and his mouth. She couldn't get enough of the feeling of his body underneath her hands. He had an incredible body. She'd never realized that a man could feel so good or smell so good. He hadn't put cologne on after their shower he just smelled so much like the essence of a man to her that it drove her crazy.

When they finally made it to the love making, Winter never wanted it to end. She felt like a horny teenager that had lost her virginity to an incredible lover and knew that it could always feel that good. She had thought that she was tired before, but by the time they had taken their third shower of the night together, she was truly exhausted.

She lit a cigarette with a hand that had a slight tremble to it. John grinned at her. "So it was good for you too huh?"

She hit him with the pillow that her head wasn't on. "Ha ha. I thought you figured that out somewhere around my fifth orgasm."

He chuckled. "It took that long for you to figure out that it was good?"

Winter rolled her eyes at him. "I knew the second you touched me that it was going to be good. I just didn't think that you needed another ego boost. I bet women tell you that all the time."

John brushed his hand over her hair. "Darlin' it doesn't matter how many times I've heard it. You took me to another level tonight. What we had together was hands down the best sex I've ever had in my life. You're so passionate. I bet you're not always like that though. What made you decide to let go?"

Winter turned away from him and put her cigarette out in the ashtray on the nightstand. "I figured that every woman deserves at least one night of unbridled passion in her lifetime. It should give me some good material."

John chuckled, but then he touched her shoulder. When she turned her head, he took her chin in his hand and forced her to look at him. "Hey beautiful, no need for that. Like I said, if it's meant to be, we will meet again."

Winter stroked her hand over his chest. "Do you really think so? I've never felt this way before. I feel like I'm going crazy."

"You're not crazy. We should get some sleep. Do you want me to shut the window?"

Winter shook her head. "No. It's fine." She kissed him. "Goodnight John. Thank you."

He smiled. "Anytime. Thank you too."

She twined her fingers through his. He reached over to the turn the lamp off. She settled back against his chest and was soon asleep.

Winter woke a few hours later. John was still breathing evenly beside her. She resisted an urge to reach out and touch him. What she wanted to do was to spend the hours until checkout time making love to him, what her sensible side knew she needed to do was leave before he woke up. She eased out of bed and dressed quickly.

When John still hadn't roused, she wasn't sure whether she was relieved or disappointed. She shook her head at herself and slipped her feet into her shoes. She grabbed her cell phone and double checked to make sure everything was in her bag. She hid a sigh as she took a moment to watch him sleep. She worried about him living the life that he was living. There was a part of her that was tempted to wake him up and ask if he wanted to go with her.

That thought really made her shake her head at herself. Not only would her sister never stop giving her crap if she showed up with a strange man at her daughter's graduation, but what was she supposed to do with him afterwards? What if they didn't get along after they spent more time together? She didn't want to spoil what they had had.

She bit her lip. Finally she made the decision that she had known was already coming. She decided to let him sleep. Before she left, she took all of the cash out of her wallet and laid it on the night stand. It was several hundred dollars. She hoped that John didn't take it the wrong way. She wasn't trying to make him feel that their night together had been cheap, she was just pretty sure that he could use the cash more than she could.

She took one last look at him and then exited the room. She closed the door quietly behind her, pausing for a moment outside the room. There was no movement so she continued toward the stairs. She made it to her van and stowed her bag in the back. She took one last look at the motel and then started the van. She felt tears prick her eyes and felt like even more of an idiot. It wasn't because she'd had a one-night stand. She figured that a lot of people had probably had at least one in their lives. It was because even though she knew that it was the right choice to make, it didn't make it any easier to walk away from him.

She stopped at a diner on the edge of town and got breakfast. Her sister called her. She was tempted to tell her about John, but her older sister was rather conservative. Veronica had been married to her high school sweetheart for 20 years. Winter wasn't sure how she would take the news that her little sister, though a grown woman, had had a night of passion with a total stranger, let alone a man that she had picked up hitchhiking.

The rest of the drive was uneventful. Watching her niece graduate gave Winter a strange feeling. Most of the time, she wasn't sure that she wanted kids. But when she saw Treylisa accept her diploma, she felt a mix of emotions sweep over her. She found herself fantasizing about what it would be like to have John's child. By the time she left Veronica's house, she had already pictured running into John on the way back home a dozen different ways.

But she didn't meet him anywhere on the road. She made sure she took the longest route possible and made many stops that she didn't need to make, but there was no sign of the handsome almost stranger that had made love to her like no man before him ever had. So Winter went back home and continued her normal life.

Six weeks later, she got out of bed and rushed to the bathroom. Nausea had never hit her like that unless she had drunk heavily. She hadn't had a drink in weeks. As she raised her head from the toilet, she realized she had missed her period. She laughed a little as she flushed the toilet. She had wondered what it would be like to have John's child, and now she had a sneaking suspicion she was going to find out.

Two hours later, she stood in her bathroom with a positive pregnancy test in her hand. She was not upset at the fact that she was pregnant with John's child. She put her hand over her stomach and wondered at the life that was now growing inside of her. She just had no idea how she was going to explain to her sister and her parents that the child she was carrying was created during a one-night stand with a hitchhiker. As she pondered what she would tell them, she realized that it was going to be interesting when she gave birth to list the name of the father of her child since she didn't know John's last name.

Her sister took the news better than Winter had thought she would. She confessed to having an incredible one night stand early in her marriage when she and Justified had been fighting. He knew about it, and had accepted it. Veronica also told Winter that she had thought about the man for years afterwards and had never known even his first name.

Her parents did not take the news well. They yelled at her for being irresponsible. They brought up the idea of adoption to avoid the embarrassment that they believed would inevitably befall her. Though all of her books had done very well lately and her last was actually close to reaching best seller status, she wrote under a pen name, and she certainly didn't believe that she was so much in the public eye that people would know about her child, let alone take the time to wonder who the father was.

Winter thought a lot about John as her pregnancy progressed. She drove to random locations. She was always on the lookout for the father of her child, but she never saw him. She did most of her writing from motel rooms. She had a feeling that her parents were starting to believe that she was crazy. Veronica thought that it was very romantic and was rooting for her sister to find John again, but it didn't happen. As the days passed, Winter wished more and more that she had thought to leave John her phone number. She held out hope that they were meant to meet again, but secretly thought she was acting like a romantic fool.

Three days after Jonnie Chance Trinity was born and given her mother's last name, Winter made the decision to move. It wasn't fun packing and moving with a newborn especially since she was nursing, but she found her home to have turned into a prison. She realized that she couldn't run from her memories of John. She saw him every day when she looked at their daughter's face. Jonnie had her father's beautiful green eyes. But Winter felt an overwhelming feeling to start over in a new place. She and Jonnie moved to the east coast and found a nice house in a beautiful small town. The people were wonderful and no one questioned the paternity of her child, though she did find several of her fans living there.

Time went on. Winter felt herself healing from the heartache of what felt like the loss of the love of her life. Jonnie brought so much joy into her life. Watching her daughter grow was a feeling like no other. She still thought about John, but it became more distant. She held true to the belief that if they were meant to meet again, they would.

It was a Tuesday in June. Jonnie had just turned three and they were at the park down the street from their house. They had a big yard, both front and back, but Jonnie had always loved the park. Winter was sitting on the grass a few feet away from the playground where she could still keep a close eye on her daughter when she looked up and saw a man. She blinked, thinking that her mind had conjured him. It still did that sometimes. She'd think she saw John on the street or in a local store or restaurant. But until now, she had always known that it was just her heart seeing what it wanted to see.

She tilted her head, her heart starting to beat fast. She blinked and rubbed her eyes, but he was still there and he was coming her way with a slight smile on his face. The smile was questioning, but there was something else behind it. She had a feeling that it was hope and felt a smile drift to her own face.

He crossed to her. She glanced back at the playground. Jonnie was still running around with the little girl that lived down the block from them and went to the same preschool. The man looked down at her. "Winter?"

Her heart felt as if it was going to beat out of her chest. "John?"

His smile widened. "Yes. So it was meant to be."

She let out a nervous laugh. "I guess so."

"I assume that you live in town?"

"I do. Right down the street actually."

"I've been here for almost a year now. I can't believe we haven't run into each other before."

Winter started to speak, but Jonnie was suddenly headed her way and she was wailing. "Mommy I hurt my knee."

John looked back and forth between Jonnie and Winter. Winter didn't know what to say. Would John recognize his eyes in his daughter's face? "Come here sweetheart. Let Mommy see your knee."

Jonnie sat down beside her mother and put her leg on her Winter's lap. "It hurts bad."

"I'm sorry baby." The knee was scraped, but it wasn't bleeding. "Let's get you cleaned up. Then you can go back and play for a little while longer if you're still feeling up to it."

Jonnie nodded, then looked up at John. "Who's he?"

Winter cleared her throat. "This is John baby."

Jonnie gave her father an inquiring look. "My name is Jonnie."

John gave Winter a look she couldn't quite read. "That's a very pretty name for a very pretty girl."

"Thank you."

Jonnie's attention was suddenly elsewhere. Winter cleaned her knee with supplies from the first aid kit that she always carried in her purse, and then applied a bandage. "Is that better baby?"

"Yes Mommy. Thank you. I'm going back to play now."

"You're welcome sweetheart. I'll be right here."

Jonnie ran off. John dropped down into the grass next to her. "She's beautiful. Jonnie huh?"

Winter looked him in the eye. "She was named after her father."

John swallowed hard. "I had a feeling. It's strange to see your eyes looking out from someone else's face. I don't know what to say Winter."

Winter held back a sigh. This was not how she'd expected their reunion to go. She couldn't tell by the look on his face how he felt about the fact that she had told him that he was a father. "Look John, if you're worried about me wanting child support, the thought never crossed my mind. I'm doing very well. My books are selling better than I ever imagined possible. Every new title gets closer and closer to the best seller list."

"Do you write under a pen name?"

"I do. What does that have to do with anything?"

"This is a small town. I can't believe that it would be kept quiet that a famous writer lived here. I don't understand how we haven't run into each other. It's crazy."

Winter laughed. "I'm not exactly famous. I may be well known, but it's mostly by women that devour trashy romance novels. Men don't pay attention to that sort of thing."

"I would have. I think about you all the time. There have been other women, but no woman could ever hold a candle to you. I love you Winter. Shit. You're probably married."

Winter shook her head. She couldn't speak for a moment. Then she cleared her throat. "I haven't been with a man since you." She let out a shaky laugh. "I was afraid none of them would compare to you either. I love you John. Wow, I can't believe that I actually said the words out loud." She laughed, and it was a little less nervous. "The heroes in my novels are all starting to sound a bit like you."

John grinned. "Damn. I think this is the best day of my life. My business loan just came through, and then I find you and find out that I have a daughter. I think we should go buy a lottery ticket."

Winter smiled. "What kind of business?"

"I am going to paint houses. The houses around here tend to be rather boring. A lot of people seem excited with the idea."

"I'd love for you to do mine. It is pretty boring."

John laughed. "I'll make sure you're first on my list." He looked at Jonnie. "Um, does she know about me?"

"In a roundabout sort of way. You can't exactly explain a one-night stand to a three-year-old."

"I'll give you a lifetime if you'll let me."

"Be careful John, I might hold you to that."

John winked at her. "You'd better."

The talk between them was easy after that. They made plans for dinner. When Winter told him where they lived, John told her that he lived a few blocks away. She was beginning to believe that she hadn't been imagining things when she'd thought she'd seen him around town.

They ate dinner together. Jonnie chattered at her father, but Winter caught her daughter giving John questioning glances all night long. She wasn't quite sure how to tell Jonnie that John was her father. And she figured that it was something that she needed to discuss with John anyway.

They watched TV together for a while after Jonnie was tucked into bed. An embrace turned into a heated kiss, which turned into a night in Winter's bedroom that rivaled their first night together. John was still the passionate lover that she remembered him to be. Winter found herself looking forward to many more orgasms at the hands, mouth and member of her lover.

Jonnie took the news that John was her father in stride. She was soon calling him Daddy and he had soon moved into their house. They were married three months later. Winter was pregnant six months after that. When she looked back on it, Winter still marveled over the fact that she was married to the hitchhiker she had picked up when he was standing by the side of the road in the rain with no umbrella and no coat.

Take a sneak peek at Misty Reigenborn's short story collection Second Chance!

A New Life-Carina left the the abusive father of her child when Christiana was two. Now twelve years later, Brady has walked back into their lives. Is Brady ready to be the father of a teenage daughter? Is Carina ready to let him?

An Unexpected Family-With the death of her best friend, Mackenzie is suddenly expected to raise six-year-old Willow. But how can Mackenzie raise her best friend's daughter when she feels as if she can't take care of herself? And how will she get Kyle, the man that she had a one-night stand with on the way to her best friend's funeral, out of her head?

The Choice-Young mother Kendra has a dream that her son will be diagnosed with leukemia. Her dream is almost forgotten when she receives an unexpected visit from a man that gives her a choice she never expected to receive. Will Kendra find the strength to make a choice that could save her son's life?

What Would You Do-When her six-year-old daughter dies, Ali finds herself unable to cope. Twelve years later, when she finally feels that she has gotten her life back together, the man that took her daughter's life is released from prison. Can Ali learn to forgive? Will she make the right choice when an unexpected tragedy befalls her daughter's killer?

My Life For You-Elacia is not coping well with her daughter's death. Two months later when she receives a strange visit and an even stranger offer, will Lacy choose to give her life in place of her daughter's? If she does, will her husband Dawson be able to cope without her?

A New Life

She was outside sneaking a cigarette before her daughter came home from school when he showed up. She saw him coming to the front door from her usual place on the side of the house and almost choked on the last drag of her cigarette. After all these years, he'd finally found them.

Shit was her immediate thought. She had to get Christiana from school. She looked at her watch. Nope, too late, her daughter was already on the bus on her way home. What the hell was she going to do? She couldn't call the police. She'd never reported any of the things he'd done to her, so why would they believe she had reasonable cause to fear the father of her child?

The child that she'd kept away from him for almost twelve years now. Christiana had been almost two when she'd taken off. Her aunt, who was now dead, was the only one who had known what Brady had put her through. She was the only reason they were able to escape and start a new life.

Looking at the man she'd thought she'd loved from the moment she'd laid eyes on him, she felt a cold stab of fear. How had he found them? Was he here to do what he'd threatened to do more times than she could count she wondered?

He was still knocking and the bus was going to be coming down the street any minute now.

What would she do if Christiana got off of the bus and saw him? Would he recognize the daughter that looked so much like him, even after so many years? She didn't recognize her daughter sometimes, with her hair color of the week and her three different sets of colored contacts.

Her daughter's hair was a dark red with a streak of blue now. She sometimes wondered how long it had been since she'd felt that young.

Finally he turned away, and walked down the street to a dark colored sedan. He looked good she thought. Older of course, but he didn't seem to be drunk or high or seeing red with anger, like he'd been so much of the three years that they'd been together.

She glanced at her watch again. Christiana, who had been named as Jennifer Marie Shipley on her birth certificate, would be home in about five minutes. That is, if she didn't get off the bus at one her friends' houses without asking or with the boy she wanted so badly to go to the movies with.

Carina, who had been Sarah Michelle Rawlins, wouldn't let her go.

Carina thought that not quite fourteen was too damned young to be going out with boys. Of course, she'd prefer that her daughter not date until she was thirty-five, but that wasn't going to happen.

She lit another cigarette, smoking only half, and then went and sat on the front steps. The bus was coming, but it wasn't slowing down.

What if she'd gotten off with Noelle and Brady had passed them? Christiana had stopped asking questions about her father a while ago, but if Brady happened to see her and her friend walking down the street, and he had driven off in the same direction she'd be walking if she was going to Noelle's house, would he stop them?

Was he on the lookout for teenage girls, looking for the now mostly grown child that he'd always called his baby girl?

She dialed her daughter's cell phone. It rang three times and then Christiana answered.

"We're on our way. Noelle's coming over to do homework."

"I'd prefer it if you asked first."

"Mom. I need help and you tell me all the time that the way they teach things in school now is a lot different than when you were in school."

It was true she thought. She felt ancient when she tried to help her daughter with her homework. They were teaching some of the same things that she'd learned, but in a way that made everything unduly complicated, at least in her mind.

"It's fine if Noelle comes over. Is she staying for dinner?"

Noelle's parents both worked late and she was on her own most nights until 7 or 8.

"Yeah. Can we get pizza?"

"Yeah. You're coming straight home right?"

"Yeah Mom."

She could almost see her daughter rolling her eyes.

"We're like two blocks away."

"Okay."

She wanted to ask Christy if she'd seen any cars, any strange men, but couldn't bring herself to do it. How could she bring up to her daughter that she'd seen her father, that he had been at their house, she wondered? How was she going to avoid him? How had he found them?

She'd changed their names, dyed and cut her hair more times than she could count and had a couple different sets of colored contacts herself. She could hardly blame her daughter for reinventing herself every other week.

"I'll see you when I get home Mom, okay?"

"Okay. I love you."

"Yeah you too."

Christiana hung up. She sat back and wondered what she was going to do.

She didn't want to tear Christiana away from her life. They'd moved a lot when she was young, five or six times before she'd started school. But it had only been three times after that. They'd been here for four years now.

They'd been lucky. Her aunt had bankrolled their moves in exchange for a month with Christy every summer. Christy had loved Aunt Mona almost as much as she had, though she hoped her daughter never fully had to comprehend what Mona had done for them.

What excuse could she give her daughter for leaving? Her job? That had been the excuse a couple of times before, but she did most of her work at home now, so Christiana probably wouldn't buy it.

Her parents were both dead, and she had no brothers and sisters so she couldn't explain it away with a family emergency. If only it were summer, they could just pick up and go on vacation for a month or so. Maybe Brady would have given up by the time they got back.

What did he want she thought? They'd never been married. He'd told her a thousand times that he didn't believe the baby was his.

Christy and Noelle were coming up the block. The girls both waved. She tried to look nonchalant as she scanned the street behind them, looking for Brady's car. She hadn't been able to see what state the plates were from. And she had no idea what kind of car it was.

She followed the girls into the house, locking the door behind them, still racking her brain for what the hell she was going to do. She knew Brady would be back, she just hoped it wasn't when Christy was home.

Carina couldn't ignore him forever, and wondered if he'd been able to get a hold of their unlisted phone numbers. But Christy would mention it if she'd received a strange phone call right? Carina certainly hoped so.

She peeked out the curtain, breathing a sigh of relief when the only car she saw on the street was their neighbor coming home from work.

"Are you being paranoid again Mom? Is that guy bothering you?"

She'd almost forgotten about the man that she'd went out on one date with and had called her incessantly for months afterwards.

"No. It's fine honey. How was school?"

Christiana shrugged. "The usual."

There was a lot about her life that Christy didn't share with her anymore. She felt her slipping further and further away everyday it seemed. How would her daughter feel about her father being in town?

She'd told Christy that she and her dad hadn't gotten along, and her little girl had always lived with it. She'd forged birthday cards a couple of years when the questions had gotten more frequent, but then she'd gotten older and had more important things to worry about. Like the boy that she wanted to go to the movies with. He was a smart kid, polite, but he had green hair and a nose ring and talked about getting a tattoo as soon as he was sixteen.

Carina went into the kitchen to try to do some work, where she could still keep an eye on the girls.

She was absorbed in her work half an hour later when Christy said "Mom. Are you going to order the pizza?"

"Sorry. What kind do you want?"

"Supreme."

Carina wondered how her daughter had somehow inherited her father's taste in food as she placed the order online. It was set to be delivered in forty-five minutes.

When the doorbell rang a little over half an hour later, Carina jumped. Christy started to get up, but she stopped her. "I'll get it."

Christy rolled her eyes and said "Whatever," exchanging a look with Noelle that clearly said 'parents are weird'.

She peeked out the curtain and could see a beat up car with the pizza place logo on top.

She breathed a sigh of relief and opened the door.

The teenage boy handed her the pizza and the credit card slip to sign and said "Hi, Christy. Hey Noelle."

She signed and added a tip and then took the warm boxes from him. When the door was closed, the girls helped themselves to slices and took them back to the living room, chattering about the boy.

"Plates please girls," she called out.

It would have been a normal night if not for the appearance of Brady. The girls were arguing about who was better looking, the kid that had delivered the pizza, who was two grades ahead of them and named Kurt, or the boy that Christy wanted to go out with, Locke. Noelle shared Carina's opinion that Locke was nice, but a little weird, and thought Kurt was better looking, but Christy stuck to her guns.

When they'd finished eating and homework was done, Carina said she'd give Noelle a ride home.

Noelle declined, because it was only a few blocks away, but Carina insisted. She didn't want her daughter's friend out alone at night when Brady might be lurking around.

When they were home Christy asked. "So what's up Mom? You're acting weird."

"Nothing hon. I promise."

Christy looked at her hard. Her daughter didn't believe her.

She'd tried to be as honest with her daughter as she felt she could, but she still had to figure out how she was going to handle this.

"Do you have a boyfriend or something?"

"No."

She'd dated very few men in the past twelve years, and none of them had been serious.

"Maybe you should get one. You're still young. What are you going to do when I go to college?"

That was something she didn't want to face, because she honestly had no idea.

"I'll be fine Christy."

"No you won't. You've got to live a little Mom. Noelle's Dad has this really hot friend that just got divorced. Well, I mean he's hot for an old guy. They want us to come over for a barbecue next weekend. He's gonna be there."

"We'll see."

"C'mon Mom. It'll be fun."

"I will think about it Christy."

"I'm never going to have a little brother or sister am I?"

Usually she'd just laugh off that comment, but now she wondered. Did Brady have other children?

"I don't know honey. Don't you think it's time for bed?"

Christy looked at the clock and rolled her eyes again. She rolled her eyes when she didn't know she was doing it she did it so often.

"It's barely after 9."

Knowing that her daughter would probably go upstairs, turn her light out and log onto her laptop and talk to her friends or text message with Noelle or another one of their little group, but really wanting a cigarette, she said "I know. But you have school in the morning."

"Fine. Goodnight Mom. Don't smoke too many cigarettes."

"Ha ha."

"I thought you quit."

"I did."

"No you didn't. I smelled it on you earlier. I know that's why you want to get rid of me."

"Okay -fine. I admit it. Goodnight honey."

"Night Mom. Hey, Noelle's Dad showed his friend I think his name is Clark, a picture of you. He thinks you're hot."

Carina shook her head. "Not the one I think it is."

"Yep."

Noelle's family had a pool. Carina hadn't bothered to try on her new swimsuit before she'd brought it over to their house last summer for a swim. It was a lot more revealing than it had looked in the store. Noelle's father Andy had snapped a picture of her which she'd begged him to delete. He apparently never had.

Christy was smiling.

"I wish I'd never bought that damned suit."

"You looked good Mom. You never buy stuff like that. You wear clothes like you're my grandma instead of my mom. I think you're gorgeous."

"Thank you sweetie."

"I just hope my boobs get as big as yours and that I don't get fat."

Carina stifled a laugh. "Goodnight Christiana."

"Night Mom. I love you."

"Love you too honey. Don't stay up too late and no talking to Locke."

"Mom. Come on. You won't let me go out with him, even with a bunch of other kids. What does it hurt for me to talk to him online? Are you going to let him come to my birthday party?"

Christy's birthday was in two weeks. She was begging to let boys from her class come. Locke was first on her list of course.

"I said I'll think about it Christy."

"Hey, if you hit it off with Clark he can help you chaperone."

Carina picked up one of the pillows from the couch and threw it at her. "Go to bed."

Christiana laughed and then went up the stairs.

Once her daughter was in her room, she opened the back door and lit a cigarette. She didn't want to go all the way outside because it got very dark on the side of the house. Brady had had a way of creeping up on her when she wasn't paying attention.

Another thing that Christy had inherited from him.

Smoking was a habit she hated even more because she'd picked it up from Brady. She'd shared her first cigarette with him after she'd lost her virginity to him.

He hadn't started hitting her until Christy was about 9 months old. It had been a once and a while thing at first. He'd smacked her with a spoon on the backs of her legs and her arms because she couldn't get the spaghetti to cook the way he liked it. He'd been drunk at the time, close to the point of a blackout. When he'd seen the bruises the next time they'd made love, he'd asked her where they'd come from.

He hadn't broken any of her bones and he'd never sent her to the hospital, but she'd had more black eyes and fat lips than she could count. And she felt like he'd taken away all her hopes and dreams.

She was going to stay at home and take care of their daughter and that was that. He wanted more kids, but she was so afraid that he'd hurt her when she was pregnant that she'd gotten birth control and had hidden it from him.

The worst nights were when he was so drunk and high that he'd go into some kind of a weird flashback of some scene that hadn't happened in his life, what she called his past life moments. He'd drag her and Christy out all hours of the night on some quest that was known only to him.

He didn't know who she was on those nights. Most of the time she was the enemy, though interestingly enough, those were not the nights when he'd threatened to take her life.

Those had been nights when she'd begged him to stop drinking, when she'd threatened to leave him, when she told him she wouldn't marry him until he went to rehab, when she told him that she didn't want another child.

Towards the end, he had hit her on a daily basis and she couldn't take it anymore. If he would have raised a hand to Christy, she would have left long before she did, but he was always good to Christy. She was his pride and joy, the apple of his eye, his baby girl.

She'd been cowering in bed one morning after he'd left for work. Christy had toddled in and said "Mommy hurt."

Yes, Mommy had been hurt. Another black eye, a split lip, a lump on her head and a big bite mark on her arm from a few nights before when she'd been tired and hadn't wanted to get up and make him something to eat at 3 o'clock in the morning when he'd finally come home from the bar.

She'd called her Aunt Mona that morning and told her she needed to get away. Mona had rented them a house halfway across the country from Brady in a town he'd never heard of and had arranged for the paperwork to be drawn up to change their names.

She'd cut and dyed her hair that morning as soon as he left for work and then packed all their possessions in the trunk of her car. She'd had to wait until after his lunch break to leave because he always called home. If she didn't answer the phone, he would come home and demand to know where she'd been, what she'd been doing in front of their daughter.

They'd moved around so much when Christy was little because she'd get a feeling sometimes, it was almost as if she could feel him breathing down the back of her neck. She knew if he found them, he would kill her and take Christy away. But this was the first time he'd actually showed up.

Why now Carina wondered again? She only had a little over four years left until Christy left home. Then she felt she could face Brady any day.

They were comfortable now, but there were times when she'd had to work two jobs and borrow a lot more money than she wanted to from Mona.

It took her a long time to fall asleep that night. She tossed and turned thinking of her nights with Brady, nights when he wouldn't come home, nights she'd prayed that he wouldn't come home.

When Christy's alarm clock went off, she groaned. Her daughter was not a morning person and took forever to get ready for school in the morning. She wanted to pull the blanket over her head and go back to sleep herself.

She knocked on Christy's door and her daughter called out "Five more minutes Mom."

"No. You'll be late for the bus or you'll end up skipping breakfast again. If you didn't stay up so late talking to the same friends that you talk with all day at school, you wouldn't be so tired in the morning."

"Yeah, yeah," Christiana said.

But she heard the bathroom door open, which meant she was out of bed at least.

She'd given Christy the master bedroom because her daughter spent three times as long in the bathroom as she did.

She went downstairs and started a pot of coffee, wondering if she had time for a cigarette.

She shook her head at herself. She was getting addicted again and that was definitely not good.

She popped two bagels in the toaster and got the cream cheese out of the fridge.

If she could get Christy to eat in the morning that was usually the most she could get her to eat.

By the time Christiana came down forty-five minutes later after much prompting, she was only a few minutes away from missing the bus.

"See ya Mom."

Carina shook her head. "You're skipping breakfast again."

"I gotta go Mom. Love you."

"Love you too."

She went to the front door and watched her daughter rush down the street and barely catch the bus before it pulled off. But there was no sign of Brady, so that was something at least.

She went outside and smoked a cigarette, intent on the neighborhood traffic. Still no sign of Brady, just the usual parents taking kids to school and people going off to their daily lives. She went back in the house and got to work.

The day passed quickly. It was lunchtime before she knew it. She made herself a sandwich and watched part of a ridiculous talk show, before deciding to go upstairs and take a nap.

A loud knock at the door awoke her a little after two p.m. Heart beating fast, she walked slowly down the stairs. The knocking had stopped. When she peeked out the curtain, there was a package sitting on the doorstep.

She laughed she was so relieved, checked the street one more time and then opened the door. It was the software that they'd sent her from work. She shut the door quickly and went through the process of installing it on her computer.

Christy was home on time, though she went straight up to her room and didn't come out until dinnertime.

She'd had a fight with Odessa, her best friend of the moment. She thought that Odessa had her sights set on Locke which Odessa denied.

Carina preferred when she hung out with Noelle. At least Noelle was level headed and she was a better influence on Christy than most of the other girls she hung out with.

They rented a movie on pay per view, and then both went up to their rooms early.

A week passed. She conceded and went to the barbecue at Noelle's with Christy. Clark was a nice enough guy. He was very good looking, but Carina's mind couldn't help but drift back to Brady.

She didn't think that he'd give up. She knew he'd be back and she didn't want to involve anyone else in what she figured would be a hell of a situation.

Christy called her chicken when she told Clark that she couldn't go out with him and invited him to dinner at their house. Clark raised an eyebrow and asked if it was okay with her mother. Carina, not wanting to feel like a complete bitch, said it was fine.

He came over on the Wednesday before Christy's birthday, bringing flowers and the ice cream cake that Christy always begged her for for dessert. They had a nice time, but she put him off again when he asked her to the movies.

Christy rolled her eyes and muttered something under her breath about the last time her mother had gotten laid. Carina wanted to strangle her, and almost did when she invited Clark to her birthday party. He looked to her again. She hid a sigh and told him it was fine, that she could use the company and the sanity with all the teenagers she was going to have in her house.

She'd finally agreed to let Christy invite a few boys from her class, against her instincts.

Her daughter was growing up way too fast.

The party was mostly good. Noelle's parents came by. They had a few drinks. She was pleasantly buzzed until she went outside for a cigarette and found Christiana in a lip lock with Locke.

She almost blew up, but Clark followed her out and broke the kids up. She ended up in a lip lock of her own at the end of the night.

Noelle, Odessa, a girl named Simone she'd never met before and Clarice, the first friend that Christy had made when they'd moved to town that she barely saw anymore, all spent the night.

She was up half the night, listening to four fourteen-year-old girls giggle and talk about boys.

They were playing a game of who would you rather kiss. She pulled her pillow over her head when they started naming the teachers at their school.

Monday, she talked to Clark on the phone after Christiana left for school. They made a date for Friday.

In the afternoon, there was a knock on the door. She was expecting a lunch delivery and had almost forgotten about Brady, so she opened it without hesitation.

And stood face to face with the father of her child.

She almost shut the door in his face, but couldn't because the guy from the sandwich shop was standing behind him. He stood aside while she paid for her lunch and then just stood there and looked at her.

He looked tired, and he needed to shave. She could remember the scratchy feel of his stubble as he kissed her. She swallowed hard and instead of going back inside, sat on a chair on the porch.

"It's been a long time Sarah. Oh, I'm sorry. It's Carina now right?" She nodded. "And Jennifer is Christiana."

She felt nauseous. He was talking in a normal tone of voice, seemed perfectly calm, but she was used to the rage that could coil his body from head to toe even when he looked relaxed.

"Brady."

"Listen Sarah, I mean Carina, I just can't get used to thinking of you as anything but Sarah. I didn't come here to start trouble. I didn't come here to make your life hell. I came here to see my daughter. I want to be a part of her life."

She was livid. What right did he have to think he deserved to be a part of Christiana's life after all that he'd done to her she wondered?

He held up his hand. "I know. I know. We didn't have the best relationship."

She wanted to laugh. They hadn't had the best relationship. She pulled a cigarette from the pack hidden underneath the porch swing and lit it. She couldn't believe he was sitting here on her porch talking to her like they were old friends.

He sighed. "You have no idea what my life has been like for the past few years. I know that I treated you like shit, but Jennifer was my life. I stayed awake nights, wondering if my baby was okay. You've never had that feeling have you?"

She had to give him that. The only times that Christiana had been away from her other than staying at friends' houses was when she was with Mona, and there hadn't been anyone in the world that she'd trusted more with her daughter than Mona. She shook her head slowly.

"You're right. I haven't."

"I'm not saying that you deserve to know that feeling. You were always a wonderful mother and I'm sure you've done a good job raising her by yourself. But I've changed Sarah. I'm a different man now. I have to be a part of my daughter's life before she's grown. Please."

She didn't correct him on the name, though she hadn't felt like Sarah in a really long time.

Lots of people said that they'd changed, but how could she believe him she wondered? He could be perfectly rational when he wasn't drinking. He could be a caring lover and the perfect father, but he could also be the monster hiding in your closet before you noticed the scene had changed.

He looked at her. She could see the pain in his eyes. She put out her cigarette and looked away.

"Do you know how long it's taken me to find you? How many times I thought that I'd found you only to find out that it was some other mother, some other little girl that wasn't mine? I love Jennifer. I loved her the minute I found out you were having her."

"Her name is Christiana and do you not remember the number of times you threatened to kill me Brady? What was I supposed to do- let you? Then where would she have been? You would have been in prison and she would have been in foster care. I had no choice."

"You will never know how sorry I am about what I did to you. I know that I wasn't a good husband, and I don't expect you to forgive me for everything that I did to you. I'm asking you to give me the chance to prove that I deserve to be a part of her life."

He'd always called her his wife.

She didn't want to have this discussion she thought. She'd fought with herself a thousand times in her head after she'd left him, because he'd never hurt Christiana; only her. He was a good father when he wasn't drunk or high. And he did love their daughter.

She hated having to put herself before her daughter, but as she'd told him, in the last few months she'd been with him, she'd imagined over and over the ways he'd kill her. Him going on the run with the baby, them getting pulled over. Christy growing up with strangers, her mother in a hole in the ground and her father in prison. Which was worse, what she'd done or what could have been, what most likely would have been?

"I had no choice Brady. You didn't give me one. I begged you over and over again to get help. I never called the police on you when they could have arrested you a hundred times. I kept it to myself because I believed that our daughter needed both parents. But there is only so much that a person can take."

He dug a chip out of his pocket and showed it to her. AA. She nodded.

"Congratulations."

"Six years sober. Ten years for the drugs, but only six for the booze. I went to counseling Carina. I went to rehab. I went to jail. I did six months in jail and almost a year of domestic violence classes. I took parenting classes. I bought her a birthday card every year, had a little party for just me. I look at the moon every night and say goodnight to my little girl who's not so little anymore."

She lit another cigarette. She didn't want to feel any of what she was feeling. She didn't want to feel compassion for a man that had once choked her until she'd blacked out. But she was curious.

"Who else did you smack around? One of your girlfriends?"

He sighed, looking pained. "Okay. I deserved that. Yes, I was seeing her when we were together. I was so pissed off at you I took it out on her. I went to jail. When I got out of jail, I was going to find you and take Jenni away from you. I did my time, did my stupid classes. I was still drinking, still doing drugs, asking everybody that we had known if they knew where you were. I had to see my daughter. I was going crazy. I almost overdosed two times in the first year, had to go to the hospital both times. I am deeply ashamed of what I've done Carina, but I promise you that I will be a good father for Christiana. She needs a father."

"She's been fine for twelve years without one," she said, then felt like a bitch.

He got up. She was afraid for a minute that he was going to hit her. It had gotten hard not to flinch when he raised his hand around her.

"Will you think about it please? I'll be in town for a couple more weeks."

She wanted to say no. She wanted to tell him to go fuck himself; that he'd given up the chance to be a part of his daughter's life when he'd beaten her mother on a daily basis for over a year.

"Fine."

She lit another cigarette, knowing that she was getting way too close to chain smoking. She looked to the sky, as if for wisdom from the heavens. Mona would know what to do. Mona who'd been married three times, each man richer than the last.

Christy was going to be home soon. She'd convinced Carina to let Locke come over for dinner tonight. No way in hell did she want Brady to see their daughter's would-be boyfriend.

"Thank you Carina. That's all I can ask. I have something for Christiana even if you won't let me see her."

"What?"

He took a slim blue book from his back pocket, the kind they gave you at the bank for a savings account. He handed it to her. She almost jumped when his hand brushed hers. He looked pained when he pulled away, shoving his hands into his pockets.

She opened it. There were multiple entries starting ten years ago. The current balance was a little over $10,000.

"For college," he said quietly. "I know it's not enough. Child support really adds up in twelve years, but I went without food some weeks to make sure that I was making a regular deposit."

She nodded, biting her lip as she handed it back to him. "Thank you. My Aunt Mona made sure that she'd have more than enough to cover college, but she can use it to buy a car or something I'm sure."

He sighed and she shook her head. "I didn't mean it like that. I didn't mean to trivialize what you've done. Do you have a number that I can reach you at when I figure this all out?"

He took an expensive looking cell phone out of his pocket, and she noticed for the first time that he was wearing a wedding ring.

He took a piece of paper out of his wallet and scrawled a number on it.

She wanted to ask him how long he'd been married, if he had other children, but she couldn't do it.

She felt like a traitor to her past self for even having a civil conversation with him. But then he answered her questions for her.

"I met her in AA. We've been married for five years now. No, we don't have kids. She can't have them. Christiana's my only chance."

"I promise I'll think about it. I don't mean to sound abrupt, but she's going to be home any minute now."

"Do you mind if I sit in my car for a minute so I can at least look at her?"

"Um."

Christy was going to be with Locke, and what bigger reality check did you need to know how much your child had grown up than to see them with a member their own age of the opposite sex she thought?

"It's okay," he said, but the disappointment was apparent in his eyes.

"She's bringing home this boy from school. She's been bugging me for months to let her go out with him."

"But she just turned fourteen."

There was a protest in his voice. He wanted to believe even less than she did that their little girl was growing up.

"He's a good kid. If you can get past the green hair."

"Green?"

"Yeah. Go on. They'll be here any minute."

He took one last look at her and then took off across the street to his car.

The bus pulled up at the stop about a block away. Christiana got off, followed by Locke. She glanced across the street at Brady's car, wondering what he would think of their daughter.

As they neared the house, she thought she saw the flash of a camera. Christy didn't notice.

She was too involved in conversation with Locke.

"Hi Mom."

"Hi honey. Hello Locke."

"Hi Miss Moore. How are you?"

"Good, you?"

"We had a big test at school today. I don't know how well I did."

Christy snorted. "You could ace a test in your sleep. Get over it."

He smiled almost shyly at Christy and shrugged. When Christy opened the door to go inside, she glanced at Brady's car. He was still sitting there. She fought the urge to wave, but stopped herself.

Carina wondered how she could possibly be thinking what she was thinking. That he was right, that he did have a right to be a part of their daughter's life. And how in the hell was she going to bring it up to Christy? After all these years, she was going to have to tell her daughter the truth.

The kids did homework in the living room. She sat in the kitchen and wondered who she could talk to about this. For the millionth time since Mona had died, she wished her aunt were still alive.

She wasn't close enough to the parents of any of Christiana's friends, nor any of their neighbors to talk to them about it. She really liked Clark, she was afraid that she liked him a little too much for her own good, but she couldn't see herself talking about her past with him.

She didn't want to admit to anyone that she had stuck around when Christy's dad had abused her for so long. But she also didn't like to think about the fact that she had walked away with their daughter when he had never laid a hand on Christy.

Not that there was an excuse for any of what he had done to her, but after a while, she had begun to think there may have been another way.

She had been so caught up in running away that she hadn't wanted to stop. It was a difficult situation. She didn't look forward to explaining any of it to her daughter, who was sitting so happily in the living room, basking in the attention of a boy that she adored.

She had no idea how Christy would feel about seeing her father when Carina explained to her why she had really left him. Would she be angrier with the father who had abused her mother, or the mother that had walked away and never looked back?

Her cell phone rang. She pulled it out of her purse. It was Clark. "Hi."

"Hi. I heard you've got a dinner guest."

"Yeah."

She looked into the living room. Christy was listening closely to something that Locke was animatedly explaining to her, his hands flying in the air.

"How's it going?"

"He's a nice boy."

She had other things on her mind. For the first time since Christiana had been gushing over Locke, she was more concerned about something other than her daughter's growing interest in a boy.

"You don't sound so sure."

"I like Locke. She's just too young."

He laughed. "I know."

He had a sixteen-year-old daughter and a twelve-year-old son that lived with their mother.

"Hey, the kids are going to be up over the weekend. Do you want to get together? I'd really like you to meet them."

"I don't want to intrude on your time with your kids."

"You wouldn't be intruding. I think Christy and Mel would get along great. And I plan on talking you into being a big part of my life."

She laughed, suddenly feeling breathless, like she was no better than her teenage daughter.

"I have to start dinner," she said, purposefully avoiding his statement.

"Okay. I'll talk to you later. And please think about it. If not this time, then next time. I'm serious Carina. In the short time that I've known you, I've really grown to care about you. You are a wonderful woman and a truly awesome mother."

"Thank you. I will think about it. I'll bring it up to Christy, see what she thinks."

She didn't feel like an awesome mother right now, she felt selfish, but then again her self-doubt, her lack of self-worth, were part of what had kept her with Brady for so long.

"Have a nice dinner. Let me know okay?"

"I will."

"Tell Christy hi for me. Watch Locke's hands. Fourteen-year-old boys have very fast hands."

She thought that Christy was probably the one she really had to worry about. It had looked like she was the one that was kissing him the other night. Locke seemed almost shy. Christiana was very open and forward when she wanted something.

"I think that my daughter is the one I need to watch out for."

Clark laughed. "Mel's the same way. Take care hon. I'll talk to you later."

"Okay. Bye Clark."

"Bye."

She hung up the phone and glanced at the kids. Their heads were close together over a textbook.

She took the lasagna noodles out of the cupboard and put water on to boil.

When it was ready to go in the oven, she called out to the living room "Do you two want something to drink?"

"Do we have soda?" Christy said.

"We're out. I need to go to the grocery store. You want milk or juice?"

"We'll go down to the store and get some."

Since she felt that her daughter drank way too much soda Carina said "We have some of that flavored water, will that work?"

Christiana sighed. "I guess."

She came into the kitchen and pulled two bottles out of the fridge.

"You want ice Locke?"

"No thank you. Miss Moore?"

"Yes Locke?"

"My parents wanted to know if you and Christiana would like to come to dinner at our house next week."

She'd never met Locke's parents, but had heard they were quite a pair. His mother was a tattoo artist who was very talented. His father was a scientist who did research studies on treatments for diseases.

"That would be nice. What do you think Christy?"

"Your mom is so cool. Mom, can I get a tattoo?"

Carina shook her head. Leave it to a teenager to be more impressed with a tattoo artist than a scientist she thought.

"You're more than welcome to get a tattoo when you're 30, honey."

Christiana rolled her eyes. "That's so old Mom."

Carina laughed. "I know I'm ancient. Three years over thirty. You'd better get ready to make funeral arrangements."

Christy rolled her eyes again. "Ha ha."

"What night Locke?"

"Wednesday is good for my parents, if it's okay with you."

"That would be fine. Tell them thank you. Let me know if we can bring anything."

"I'll ask them and then let Christiana know at school. Do you need help with anything Miss Moore?"

He was the only one of her daughter's friends that didn't call Christiana Christy, and that consistently called her Miss Moore. Christy's other friends all went back and forth between calling her Miss Moore and Carina.

"The salad's already made. I'll just need to put the bread in after the lasagna's out. Thank you though."

"It smells really good. Lasagna is one of my favorite meals. My mom always buys it pre made. Of course my dad says it safer that way."

Carina laughed. "I guess we all have different things that we're good at huh?"

He nodded.

"I saw a picture of some of your mother's work in the paper a while back. She's really talented."

"She's awesome. Dad always says he has his way of making the world a better place and she has hers."

She smiled at Locke as Christy impatiently motioned him back over to the couch.

He gave her an apologetic look and followed Christy back to the living room.

She listened to their chatter at dinner and then gave Locke a ride home. Christy was excited about going to dinner at Locke's house, wanting to buy something new to wear.

Now was not the time to bring up Brady. But when would be a good time she wondered? He'd said he was only in town for another two weeks. She still hadn't paid attention to what state his license plates were from so she didn't know how far away he lived.

Christy wasn't too thrilled about meeting Clark's kids until she mentioned that he had a sixteen-year-old daughter. Then she perked up. She was envious of the older girls in her school, their being able to drive and date high on her list.

She called Clark back after Christy went upstairs but he didn't answer, so she left him a voicemail.

After smoking a cigarette, she went upstairs herself, wondering when she could bring it up with Christy that her father was in town and how she was going to do it.

She'd made up her mind that she was going to let Brady see his daughter. At any time during the twelve years since she'd left him if you would have told her that she'd consider doing such a thing, she'd have thought it was crazy.

She tossed and turned again that night, nervous about a lot of things. Her daughter's relationship with Locke was very sweet. She didn't think that Locke was in any way bad for her daughter, she just didn't want to think of the natural progression of even a teenage relationship when it involved her little girl.

She was nervous about meeting Clark's kids. She hadn't thought about seriously dating anyone in a long time and was afraid that her relationship was moving too fast and that maybe she should worry more about where things were going between her and Clark than where they were going between Christy and Locke.

As much as her daughter talked about boys, kissing and sex with her friends, she didn't think that Christy was ready to go much beyond the casual kissing that she'd been doing with Locke in their backyard.

From the tipsy kissing that she'd done with Clark, and the way that she'd felt, she was afraid that she was already in over her head. Meeting Clark's children was one step that brought her way too close to having to face up to the statement that he had made earlier, which she could tell from his tone was not in jest, that he wanted her to be a bigger part of his life.

He was damned good looking. He was smart, and kind, and very good with Christy. He made good money, drove a nice car, owned a home that she would have envied back when she cared about such things.

But she was scared. She hadn't had sex in a very long time. It made her blush thinking about doing it with Clark. Then there was the whole Brady thing, which was the most important part of what she was nervous about.

She hadn't exactly lied to her daughter about her father; she just hadn't told her the whole truth.

Her daughter had never asked if her father wanted to see her. Carina guessed that she'd always assumed that he hadn't, or had talked about it with someone other than her mother.

She finally fell asleep, though it seemed like just minutes later when the alarm went off. She had to go into the office for a meeting. That would keep her occupied, though she was tired as hell and knew she had dark circles under her eyes.

When she went out into the hallway Christy said "You look like crap Mom. Do you want to borrow some of my makeup to cover up the big bags under your eyes?"

That was another thing they'd fought about. Makeup. Christiana was a beautiful girl, no matter what color her hair was or what color her eyes were, though the blue contacts that she had that were so light they were almost white secretly creeped Carina out. She personally thought that her daughter didn't need a drop of makeup, but Christy was adamant that all the girls at school were wearing it.

"No thank you, honey."

"I thought your boss had the hots for you. Don't you want to look good for him?"

Carina shook her head. Yes, her boss had a crush on her. But he was forty-five, overweight and always smelled like garlic and sweat. And she wouldn't have wanted to out with her boss if he was her age and looked like he should be on the cover of a magazine.

"Oh, I forgot. You've got Clark now. No more need for smelly Mr. Robinson right?"

"You should do stand up," she remarked dryly to her daughter.

"You and Clark would make a really cute baby. How 'bout it Mother dear? Wanna give me a little brother or sister before I leave home?"

"No."

Christy laughed. "Never hurts to ask right?"

"Sure Christy."

"Locke wants like ten kids."

Carina opened her mouth, and then shut it. Why was her daughter discussing children with Locke she wondered?

"Just kidding Mom. I never asked him."

Trying not to look too relieved, she said "Good."

"I gotta go Mom. I'm meeting Noelle at the bus stop."

"You'll miss breakfast again."

"I eat plenty at lunchtime. Quit worrying so much Mom. I'm fourteen, not four."

"Mothers have the right to worry, even when their kids are forty."

"And I have no doubt that you will Mom. Are you still having lunch with Clark?"

"Yeah, why?"

The building where he worked was near her office building, so they'd decided to meet on his lunch break.

"You really should put some makeup on. You wouldn't want him to start thinking you're just a frumpy regular mom instead of a hot mom."

The things that came out of her daughter's mouth these days she thought.

"If he doesn't want to look at me without makeup, I guess he doesn't want to look at me all."

"Oh, he wants to look at you."

"Christiana Monique." The suggestion in her daughter's statement was plain.

"Maybe if you quit acting so old Mom, you wouldn't feel so old."

"Go to school Christy."

"Yes Mother. Have a nice day."

"You too. I love you. Behave yourself."

"Always. Bye Mom. Love you too."

Her daughter waved and then was off down the stairs and out the door.

She finished getting ready and then drove to the office. The meeting ran late, so she tried to text Clark under the table, something she'd seen Christy do a thousand times. But she was afraid it was coming out like gibberish and her boss was looking at her.

She smiled at him and was relieved when a message from Clark came back that said 'okay, see you when you get here.'

When the meeting was over, she practically jumped up from the table. Mr. Robinson tried to talk her into going to lunch with him, but she said she had to run, that Christy had a doctor's appointment.

She used to feel guilty making up imaginary appointments for her daughter, but Robinson always backed off when she mentioned her daughter, so she didn't feel too bad anymore.

When she got to the restaurant, Clark was talking with a very attractive woman who looked like she'd invested an amount of money in makeup that would make Christy envious. Her perfume was overpowering. Carina could smell it five feet away, from where she stood watching them.

Clark put his hand on the woman's shoulder and they laughed together. When he kissed her on the cheek Carina wanted to turn and walk away. But he spotted her then and motioned her over.

"Carina I'm so glad you're here. Ashleigh, I'd like you to meet my girlfriend, Carina. Carina this is my sister Ashleigh."

His sister she thought. She was so relieved she wanted to laugh. The stab of jealousy she'd felt at watching them together had been overwhelmed doubly by the fact that the gorgeous though over done-up woman next to him was his sister and the fact that he'd called her his girlfriend.

Ashleigh surprised the hell out of her by giving her a hug.

"I've heard a lot about you. It's good to see Clark interested in someone again. The divorce was so hard on him."

He hadn't mentioned a lot about his divorce, other than the fact that he didn't get to see his kids as much as he'd like.

"It's nice to meet you Ashleigh."

"You too hon, believe me. I've got to run. Call me Clark. We'll get together for drinks sometime."

"As long as you promise to leave your fiancé at home Ash."

Ashleigh rolled her eyes, reminding Carina of Christiana. "No one will ever be good enough for your little sister right?"

"You're damned right little sister."

Ashleigh smiled. "Be good to my big brother Carina. He deserves someone nice after putting up with that bitch for so long."

"Ash," Clark said.

"Your kids aren't in the room. And she is a bitch."

Clark sighed. "I know. Love you kiddo."

"Kiddo? I'm twenty-five." Ashleigh laughed. "Love you too. Have a nice lunch guys."

She walked off, waving, leaving a trail of perfume behind her.

"I'm sorry I'm so late."

"It's okay." He squeezed her hand. "How'd it go yesterday?"

For a minute she almost panicked, thinking that he was talking about her meeting with Brady. Then she realized he was talking about dinner with Locke.

"It was fine. He's such a polite kid. If she was two years older, I'd probably be begging her to go out with someone as nice as him."

Clark laughed. "I doubt that. Melicia was sneaking kisses on the playground when she was twelve. They grow up way too fast don't they?"

"Yeah, they do."

"My ex-wife thinks our son is gay because he's twelve and not interested in girls."

"That's crazy. When I was in school boys still acted like girls had the plague until we were at least fourteen."

"Sharon's a little off the wall sometimes. I wanted Andrew to live with me full time but she fought it hard, said I work too much. I think she was sleeping with the judge."

At first she thought he was joking, but the look on his face said he was serious. She started to say 'I'm sorry,' but didn't know if it was appropriate.

He nodded to himself. "Ash hates Sharon. Hated her on sight. Sometimes I think she was right when she said I never should have married her. But then we wouldn't have the kids and they're worth putting up with anything. How's Christy?"

"She's good. Excited that Locke's parents invited us over for dinner next week."

"His dad is a famous scientist isn't he?"

"Yeah. And his mom is so talented. Almost makes me want to get a tattoo."

"I've always wanted to meet them. They seem like such interesting people. Before Sharon moved the kids three hundred miles away they went to the same school. I'd see them at PTA meetings and stuff, but never got the chance to talk to them."

"Maybe we can have them over for dinner sometime."

"That'd be great. It's almost summer. I'm pretty good with a barbecue."

She smiled, feeling warm inside. He was making plans for the future, even if it was only a few weeks away. The waiter came by and they ordered their food. She was afraid he was going to be late getting back to work and told him so.

He shrugged. "They'll survive a few extra minutes without me."

The conversation was casual after that. He talked her into splitting dessert.

When he walked her to her car, he paused and gave her a long kiss. She was usually uncomfortable with public displays of affection, but got so caught up that she didn't care who was watching. She hadn't felt this way since she'd first met Brady. She felt a stab again when he pulled away and she watched him walk to his car.

Could she bring it up to Christiana tonight that her father wanted to see her, that she had a stepmother she wondered? She didn't know his wife's name, but supposed she wasn't in town with him. Or was she? Did it matter? Her mind was racing again as she drove home. She wanted to go back to her normal boring life. Or as normal and boring as life could be when you were the mother of a vivacious fourteen-year-old.

She waited for Christy on the front porch, but didn't get a chance to talk to her daughter about Brady that night. She'd brought Odessa home with her and they did homework until dinner. The girls ended up having another fight about boys, only this time Odessa was accusing Christy of trying to hone in on the boy she was interested in.

The ride to Odessa's house was silent and Christy listened to her mp3 player on the way home, so loud that Carina could hear the music perfectly. When they got home, Christy went straight to her room so Carina put off talking to her another night.

The next morning she told Christiana that she'd prefer if she came home from school alone that afternoon because there was something she needed to talk to her about. Christy gave her a funny look, opened her mouth to ask a question, thought better of it, and then nodded.

She didn't look like she'd slept well and was wearing way too much makeup. She'd wanted to go to the mall that afternoon to pick out something to wear to dinner at Locke's house, but the conversation they needed to have wasn't something she wanted to do in public. She'd finally convinced her to wait until the weekend and let Melicia help her pick something out.

She'd heard Christy joking with Odessa about meeting her new stepsister and brother over the weekend, and had almost said something, but then figured it was your usual private teenage conversation when parents weren't supposed to be listening.

She was glad when Christy didn't object when she made her eat breakfast and was actually out the door on time for the school bus.

She was seeing Clark on Friday night. Christiana was spending the night at Noelle's and she was picking her up the next morning to meet Clark and his kids. She was nervous about her date. It was the first time she'd really be alone with him. He was coming over and cooking her dinner.

She considered writing down what she wanted to say to Christy about her dad, but dismissed the idea. It was something that she'd thought about a lot during the years, and she didn't need some fake sounding speech while talking to her flesh and blood.

Mid-afternoon she called Brady.

"Hello."

"Hi Brady. It's Carina."

"Hi."

He sounded hopeful, but like he wasn't trying to be too hopeful.

"I'm going to talk to Christiana this afternoon. I'm going to let her know that you're in town and want to see her, but I'm leaving it up to her if she wants to see you."

"That sounds fair. Thank you."

"You're welcome. Is your wife in town too?"

"No, Stacy's at home. She's pretty busy most of the time. She does a lot of work with AA and NA and she volunteers at a children's home. And then she works the graveyard shift at a nursing home. She's a CNA."

"Wow."

"She's a heck of a woman." She thought that he sounded proud. "I thought maybe she could come down the weekend before I go back home. If it's okay with you and Christiana."

"I'm sure that will be fine, if Christy decides to see you."

She had no idea how her daughter was going to react.

"Yeah, if she decides to see me." He sighed.

"Brady, I want you to know that I'm not going to try to put anything in a way that makes her think that she shouldn't. I'm sorry I've kept her away from you, but I didn't see another way."

"I understand. I hope she'll give me a chance."

"If not now, then I'm sure there will come a time when she will."

"Yeah."

He'd already missed so much she could only imagine how it must feel to him, having to wait even longer.

"Well, you have my number. I'll meet her anywhere, anytime."

"I'll let you know."

"I don't know if it will help or not, but I've got all my certificates and things from all the classes and stuff. And I can give her Stacy's phone number and e-mail address if she wants to talk to her."

"Okay."

She wasn't sure if any of that would matter to Christy, but she knew he was trying to be helpful.

"Will you tell her I love her? That I think of her every day?"

"I will. I've got to go Brady."

"Okay. Bye Carina."

Tears were stinging her eyes as she hung up the phone. She'd never questioned her decision more in her life than she had at that moment. If it would have just been her, it would have been different. She wouldn't feel bad at all about walking away. It would have been a simple sense of self preservation. But when it involved a child, things were different.

She had never believed, no matter how drunk or high or angry that Brady was that he would ever hurt their child. Could she have walked away for six months, a year, made him suffer without his child for that long and then contacted him, at least given him a chance she wondered?

And what if she'd waited two years or three, hell even six? She put her head in her hands for a moment and then stood up, going outside for a cigarette. It was too late to question herself now about a decision that she'd made twelve years ago.

And though she'd been convinced that no matter what Brady did to her, he would never have harmed Christy; well what if she'd have been wrong about that? If she stayed and he'd have hurt Christy she never would have been able to live with herself.

Would Christiana understand she wondered? Would she forgive her father and would she forgive HER? She didn't know. But she was going to have to face it because the bus would be arriving in forty-five minutes or so.

Going back into the house, she decided to give Christy one of the junk food nights that she only gave into about every six months. She went to the grocery store, bought soda and ice cream and the makings for nachos. She had to spend hours working off all the calories they ingested on one of their junk food nights.

When she pulled up with the groceries, she could see the bus pulling up down the block.

Christy walked slowly. Carina wondered if something was wrong or she was just unenthusiastic about a night alone with her mother.

She'd put all the groceries away and was about to go looking for Christy when her daughter came in and abruptly shut the front door.

"So Mom. What's the big secret? You can't be pregnant because you've only known Clark a couple weeks and I'd be overjoyed if you were anyway. But it might still have something to do with Clark. Are you two eloping in Vegas this weekend instead of hanging out with your kids? Are you running away with him and leaving me with my dad, who's some elusive millionaire that finally decided he wants to see me after fourteen years of not giving a shit? Are we moving because you're afraid that you might like Clark a little too much and have sex with him? C'mon Mom, give it up."

Her daughter's tone was teasing, but she had a feeling that the questions were all too serious.

She handed Christy a glass of soda and sat in the armchair across from the couch.

"I'm not pregnant. I'm not eloping with Clark and we're not moving because I'm afraid I'm going to have a real relationship with a man for the first time in a really long time."

She took a deep breath and continued. "Your father is not an elusive millionaire and I never said that he didn't care about you."

"So how come he hasn't called, written, bothered to do or say anything that's ever made me think otherwise? Why is he coming around now? Is he dying and feels guilty because he was an asshole for fourteen years?"

"No. It's a long story Christiana."

"So tell me. We've got all night. You've made sure of that."

"Help me make dinner honey. Then we'll talk."

Christy brightened a little at the prospect of a junk food night, but once they had their plates and were back in the living room her expression turned dark again.

She watched her daughter eat for a minute and then said "I never married your father as you know. I wouldn't marry him because he was an alcoholic with a drug problem."

Christiana shrugged. "Half the kids in school, their parents are either closet junkies addicted to pills or booze or recovering. Who cares these days?"

"It wasn't just that Christy."

"So what did he do? Did he cheat on you?"

"He did."

"You said that you didn't get along, but you never really told me how long we were with him or why we left, why he didn't feel the need to be a part of my life."

Carina sighed. "We left right before you turned two."

"So he didn't like kids? He couldn't deal with the terrible twos? He got some other chick pregnant? He knocked you around? What Mom?"

"He loved you. You were his whole world."

"So why did you take me away? What did he do that was so wrong?"

This wasn't going the way she'd hoped she thought.

"Christy, this wasn't something that I wanted to have to explain to you, at least now."

"So when were you going to explain to me? When I was eighteen, when I was thirty, when my father was in a hole in the ground? What did he do to you, what did he do to me?"

"He didn't do anything to you. He never even spanked you."

"So what did he do to you that was so bad that you decided I didn't need a father?"

"He hit me. He threatened my life."

"So why are you telling me this now?"

"He wants to see you."

"Why should I want to see a guy who beat my mother, especially after so long? Don't you think if he'd have wanted to see me, he'd have tried say ten, twelve years ago?"

"He did try. I changed our names."

"Huh?"

"I changed our names. You were born Jennifer Marie Shipley. I was Sarah Michelle Rawlins."

"What the hell Mom?"

She sighed again. "None of it was easy for me Christy. I never called the cops, never told anyone what he did besides your Aunt Mona."

"Why not? If he beat you up, he should have gone to jail. Did he do it in front of me?"

"Only once. The rest of the time it was when you were napping, or in bed."

"Does that make it right?"

"I never said that it did."

"How long did you let him hit you?"

"Too long. Over a year."

"Mom seriously? You let him beat you for over a year and never called the cops? I don't know my own mother. Shit."

Christiana shook her head, pushing her half empty plate across the coffee table.

"I'm not proud of it Christy, believe me."

"So he shows up on our doorstep out of nowhere and tells you that he's found Jesus and atoned for his sins?"

Carina hid a smile. She shared her daughter's opinion of organized religion, but now was not the time to discuss it.

"No honey. He's missed twelve years of your life and he wants to be a part of the rest of it. He's changed. He quit drinking, quit doing drugs, he got married a few years ago."

"Did he quit beating women?"

Carina closed her eyes for a moment. "A long time ago."

"Did he take it out on the wrong chick and she decided to put his sorry ass in jail?"

"I don't know sweetheart. Will you at least think about it? I told him you'd at least do that."

"I can't believe you could stand to be in the same room as him. If some guy hit me, I'd never want to see him again."

"I don't blame you."

"So why did you do it?"

"I was young, unsure of myself. I wanted you to have a father."

"Great father he is, beating my mother."

"Look Christiana, I don't know whether or not I did the right thing. I probably could have made different choices and we wouldn't be having this discussion right now."

Christy was silent for a moment, and then said "I want ice cream. You want some?"

Carina shook her head.

"I'll make you a float. C'mon Mom, you know you want one."

There her daughter was, the easy teasing confident Christy she thought.

"Okay."

She started to get up, but Christy said "Sit Mom. I'll get it."

She watched her daughter in the kitchen, making herself a huge bowl of ice cream and adding chocolate syrup and marshmallow on top, and then taking a tall glass out of the cupboard and adding soda and ice cream. She set the glass on the table next to her mother and then curled up on the couch with her overflowing bowl of ice cream.

"Do you know how many calories are in that?"

Christiana shrugged. "I'll do an extra lap around the gym during P.E. tomorrow."

They were silent as they enjoyed their treats. Carina broke the silence by saying "Will you please think about it Christiana? Your father does love you."

"I don't want to see him," she said matter-of-factly.

"Christy. You don't have to decide now. He'll understand."

"He's waited twelve years right? What difference is another twenty or thirty going to make?"

She walked to the kitchen and put her bowl in the sink and then headed for the stairs.

"Goodnight Mom. I love you. I don't blame you for leaving him."

"I love you too Christiana. Goodnight."

She got up, took her glass to the sink, dumped the rest of her and Christy's nachos down the garbage disposal and rinsed the dishes, putting them in the dishwasher.

She opened the kitchen door and went outside for a cigarette. She was drained and wanted to crawl into bed, but she had a phone call to make.

It wasn't Brady that she called, because she had a feeling that Christy was going to change her mind about seeing him. She took her cell phone out to the front porch and called Clark. She didn't know if she was relieved or disappointed when he answered. She told him everything.

She cried a little. He offered to come over, but she declined. She was much too vulnerable. An embrace could lead to a kiss, which could lead to him upstairs in her bed while her daughter slept down the hall. She couldn't deal with that right now.

She hung up and went inside, checking the doors and windows, making sure that everything was locked, and the lights were all off. Then she went upstairs and crawled into bed.

She slept better than she had for a week.

The next morning, Christy didn't mention their discussion from the night before, but she asked for permission to go to Noelle's house after school to do homework, and promised to be home in time for dinner. She ate breakfast without protest and gave Carina a hug before she left.

She breathed in her daughter's clean scent and remembered the mornings when she'd been in kindergarten when she wouldn't go into the building without a hug from her mother.

Christiana wanted to dye her hair again before the weekend so she had to go to the store and get some dye. She said Carina should dye her hair blonde again too, so that they could match.

She actually liked the way she looked as a blonde; thought that it went well with her skin tone, so she agreed.

Christy and Noelle were going to come over after school the next day before heading back to Noelle's for the night. Noelle wanted to dye her hair blonde, too. She was going to check with Noelle's mom to make sure she had permission, but other than that she was fine with it.

She spent most of the day working and catching up on laundry and was watching a movie on DVD when Christy came home from Noelle's.

"Hey Mom. What's for dinner?"

"I wasn't in the mood to cook. Dinner's on the way. Chinese."

"Cool. Locke said that we don't need to bring anything for dinner, but I thought it would be cool if you'd make that salad-the one with the cherries and stuff. You haven't made that in a while."

"Sure. I called Noelle's mom to make sure it was okay to dye her hair."

"And she said yes right?" Christiana rolled her eyes. "Do you think we're not smart enough to figure out that you'd call her mom?"

Carina laughed. "I just wanted to make sure. I didn't want Adele to hate me."

"I forgot you and your friends dyed and chopped at each other's hair when you were teenagers and there were a lot of pissed off parental units."

She nodded. A knock at the door told them their food was there. She let Christy open it and took the slip to sign. They ate a quiet dinner and then Christy helped her finish folding the laundry which she hadn't done in a long time.

She wondered if her daughter felt sorry for her because of what she told her about Brady.

When Christy was on the way up the stairs with an armful of clean laundry she turned and said "What's my father's name?"

"Brady Anthony Shipley."

Christy nodded and then went up the stairs.

There were no more questions about Brady through Friday. The girls were busy giggling about Locke and a boy that Noelle liked named Howard and trying to come up with a way to trick their parents into letting them go to the movies, forgetting that Carina was in the room.

When they were all blondes and had taken their time to admire each other, the girls left for Noelle's house.

She took her time getting dressed for her night with Clark and finally ended up back in the jeans and long sleeved t-shirt that she'd put on in the first place.

He was right on time, ringing the bell at six thirty, his arms filled with grocery bags. He'd brought her flowers again. Once the food was stowed in the kitchen, he took her in his arms and gave her a long kiss that left her breathless.

He was making pizza with a whole wheat crust, organic sauce, natural cheese, and what he called safe meat from animals that were raised without steroids. They had a glass of wine with dinner and then went to the living room.

She played an album that she hadn't heard in a long time. They sat together on the couch, her head on his shoulder. They drank some more wine, chatted a little bit, and then ended up in a major make out session, the likes of which she hadn't had since she'd been in high school. She was more turned on than she'd been in years and didn't protest when he led her up the stairs towards her room.

When they were both unclothed, he fumbled in his pocket, and said "Shit."

"What?"

"I don't have protection."

"Oh."

Then Carina thought, they were both adults, he'd been married for a long time; she hadn't been with a man in forever, so they should be safe right?

She looked at him and almost sighed. He looked so good. His arms were muscular, his chest was toned and the glimpse she'd gotten of his naked butt when he'd turned around to search for a condom had made her want to drool.

He reached for his pants. "There's a convenience store down the street right?"

"Next time."

"You sure?"

She nodded, pulling him to her.

The best way she could think of to describe Clark in bed was intoxicating. He was an incredible lover, very intuitive. He seemed to know when she wanted to take it slow, but he also seemed to know when she couldn't stand for him to take it slow and easy anymore.

They reached climax at the closest she'd ever come to simultaneous. When he moved off of her, he grinned.

She was laying back on the bed, almost in a stupor. "What?"

He laughed.

She threw her pillow at him. "What? Tell me what's so damned funny or get that look off of your face."

He leaned down and kissed her. "It's not funny. You're beautiful. But you'd better quit being so beautiful or I'm going to have to go to the store."

She raised an eyebrow. "I thought guys over thirty-five couldn't do that."

He threw the pillow back at her. "I am not old."

"I know," she said, and kissed him.

"I really like you as a blonde," he murmured, kissing the side of her neck.

"Why do you have a tattoo on your butt that says Mom?"

She was trying to distract him.

He laughed. "I got mad at my mom right after I got out of high school and told her to kiss my ass. My dad got really pissed and said if I didn't apologize to her he was going to tattoo that on my ass. We fought a lot then. One night when I was drunk in college I thought of that night and went out with some of my friends and got the tattoo."

"Why didn't you have it removed when you sobered up?"

"I was a kid. I never had the money back then. By the time I did, it was a combination of embarrassment and a strange sort of fondness that kept me from doing it. My mom thinks it's funny now. She didn't then, but now she does."

"Your mom must be quite a woman."

"You'll find out when you meet her." He squeezed her hand. "If I'm going to spend the night, I really need to go to the store."

"Spend the night?"

"You don't want me to?"

"It's not that. Don't you have to drive three hundred miles to pick up your kids?"

"She usually meets me halfway, but tomorrow she's bringing them all the way here. She's meeting an old friend in town which my daughter informed me is an old boyfriend."

"Oh."

"You want to come to the store with me?"

She shook her head. She wanted a cigarette. He knew she smoked, but wasn't too thrilled about it.

"You want anything?"

"Chocolate."

He gave her an amused smile. "What kind?"

"I don't care."

"Ice cream? Candy bar? Chocolate milk?"

"Candy bar. Something with nuts, but no coconut."

"Okay. Anything else my fair lady?"

"No. Wait, make it a brownie instead. I'll warm it up and put some ice cream on top."

"So let me see, that's orange juice because I can't go without it the mornings and I noticed you didn't have any in the fridge, a brownie and one extra-large box of condoms right?"

She threw the pillow at him again. "Clark."

He grinned. "Only kidding." He leaned over and kissed her again. "Be back in a few."

She put her robe on and walked down the stairs with him, opening the kitchen door when he'd pulled away and lighting a cigarette.

When he came back fifteen minutes later, he was laughing.

"What?"

"The kid at the store."

He pulled the condoms out of the bag and showed them to her. It was an economy sized box.

She gave him a stern look. "That's all they had-I swear. But he asked me if I'd hooked up with a MILF. I asked him what a MILF was. He wouldn't tell me. He got bright red and forgot to charge me for the orange juice."

"Clark."

She knew what a MILF was. Her daughter had laughingly told her that she'd heard one of the boys she'd invited to the party call both her and Adele MILFs. It had been a little embarrassing having her daughter explain it to her, especially when it made her laugh even harder. It felt strange to be thought of that way by a fourteen-year-old boy, but even stranger that her fourteen-year-old daughter thought it was hilarious.

"You know what a MILF is right?"

"I got to listen to my daughter explain it to me after her party."

He laughed. "My daughter's boyfriend explained it to me when she was fifteen, only her boyfriend wasn't as shy about telling me what it meant as the kid at the store was, even after I caught him calling my ex-wife one."

"Wow."

"I wasn't too upset when she broke up with him."

He handed her her brownie and then put the orange juice in the fridge.

She took a bowl out of the cupboard. "You want some?"

"Nah. Well, maybe the ice cream without the brownie."

They ate their ice cream and then went back upstairs. She found out that he was very good at foreplay too. It was after two in the morning when they finally went to sleep after a long shower together.

When she went downstairs the next morning and Christiana was sitting at the kitchen table eating a bowl of cereal, her face instantly got hot.

Christy looked up and said mildly "Chill Mom. It's not like I didn't see his car in the driveway. You were supposed to pick me up half an hour ago."

"I'm sorry."

"No problem. Noelle's dad had a good laugh when he saw Clark's car out front."

Wonderful Carina thought, now everyone would know Clark had spent the night with her.

"It's just sex Mom. You're an adult. It's like normal and stuff."

Clark chuckled from behind her and her face went red again. "Good morning Christiana."

"Hey Clark."

And then her daughter proceeded to have a normal conversation with her newfound lover.

She went upstairs and got dressed. Then it was time to meet Clark's kids. They followed him to the mall, where they were all meeting up.

The girls hit it off right away and immediately disappeared in the direction of the clothing store.

At lunch time the girls met them at the food court; giggling uncontrollably. They showed off a set of bracelets that read 'stepsisters'. When Carina gave her daughter a dirty look she said "What-are we being too presumptuous?"

They dissolved into another fit of giggles then.

Clark thought it was funny too, but Andrew looked confused. She went with Andrew when he refilled his soda to get away from the conspirators.

They went to see a movie after lunch and then wandered around the mall the rest of the afternoon, stopping in wherever the kids decided they wanted to. Clark spent a lot of money on the kids, Christy included, buying them pretty much whatever they wanted, only drawing the line twice at a skirt Melicia wanted that was way too short and a two-hundred-dollar remote control car for Andrew.

They stopped for dinner at a buffet she and Christy both loved but never seemed to get around to going to. When they parted in the parking lot the girls were busy exchanging phone numbers and email addresses. Andrew was involved in a book his dad had bought him, sitting in the backseat of Clark's car.

She tried to give him a quick kiss, but he pulled her in for a lengthier one, which drew snickers from both of their teenage daughters.

They went home. She read a book on the couch while Christiana was upstairs trying on her new outfit again.

She came downstairs half an hour later, holding two pictures. One of herself and Melicia she'd taken with her phone and another of the five of them that the girls had made a stranger at the mall take.

"They're nice honey."

"We look like a family don't we?"

Carina admitted to herself that they did if you didn't know better. The two girls, both blonde because of Christy's dye job; could pass for sisters. Andrew had dark hair like his father so it looked like two teenage girls who took after their mother and a preteen who took after their father.

Carina handed the picture back.

"Mom," Christiana said after a few minutes of their sitting in silence on opposite ends of the couch.

"Yes honey?"

"Can I call my dad?"

She almost asked what had changed her mind, but figured it had something to do with Melicia.

Clark seemed very close to his kids, and after their lengthy discussion the other night she figured that he might have mentioned something to his daughter.

Christiana obviously looked up to the older girl, even after just having met her. By the end of the afternoon they'd been acting like friends that had known each other forever, or indeed, sisters.

"Sure hon. Let me find his number."

She'd stored it in her phone, but wanted to give Christy a minute, in case she changed her mind. She handed the slip of paper to her daughter. Christy dialed it into her phone, but didn't push send.

"I'm going up to my room."

"Okay hon."

Her daughter walked slowly up the stairs and shut her door. She was interested to know how their conversation would go, but knew if Christy had wanted her to know, she would have stayed downstairs.

Her daughter was gone for at least half an hour. She smoked two cigarettes and was sitting on the couch unsuccessfully trying to concentrate on her book when Christiana came back downstairs.

"How'd it go?"

Christy shrugged. "He's coming by to pick me up tomorrow morning if that's okay."

"That's fine."

"His wife, my stepmom, is coming down next weekend I guess. It's weird to think of having a stepmom." She grinned. "I guess it fits. I have a feeling I'm going to have a stepdad soon."

"Christiana Monique, stop with that."

"Why? You like him, he likes you. Mel thinks you're pretty cool. Her mom is very high maintenance and she likes that you're casual. She thinks that if you marry her dad she and Andrew will get to come live with us because you work from home most of the time. Then their mom can't use the excuse that Clark works all the time and is never around for not letting them stay with him more often."

"Do the kids want to live with their dad?"

"Definitely. Mel misses all her friends down here and Andrew's a boy so of course he would rather hang out with his dad. She says their mom sleeps with different guys all the time. She did the judge that decided who got custody. Brought him right into their house."

"Wow."

Her daughter was so open and frank about everything, sometimes it scared her.

"Yeah. She's saying that Clark can't be a good dad because he's at work all the time and she's getting drunk and bringing guys home and living off of alimony and child support."

"That's not good."

"Nope. Mel doesn't even like her mother. Andrew reads all the time, shuts it all out."

"It sounds like Clark should go back to court."

Christiana shrugged again. "She'd sleep with the new judge. Mel said she'd do it even if it was a woman."

"There has to be something he can do."

"Marry him. Help him find a better lawyer that won't just lie down and take it. You know you're going to do it eventually, so the sooner the better."

"Christiana."

"What?"

"It's not that simple."

"I know you Mom. You haven't had a real boyfriend in forever. You're into Clark, he thinks you're awesome. You did it with him."

"Christiana."

Christy smiled. "It'll happen. Noelle is going to be so jealous of my cool step-sister."

"Goodnight Christy."

"It's the weekend Mom."

"Just go upstairs and be a brat to your friends instead of your mother okay?"

Christy rolled her eyes. "A brat? You couldn't think of a better word Mom?"

Carina smiled. "I love you Christiana."

"Love you too Mom. I'll leave you alone now."

"What time is your father coming by tomorrow?"

"Nine or so."

"Okay."

Christy went up the stairs. Carina curled up on the couch, trying to read her book. It still wasn't working. It was a romance novel, and her mind kept drifting back to Clark.

When she wasn't thinking about their love making, she was thinking about the absurd custody situation with his children. She'd had no idea that situations like that went on in family court.

She fell asleep on the couch. When she went woke up and went upstairs it was after midnight. She could still hear the soft taps from Christy's fingers on the keyboard of her laptop from down the hall.

She almost told her to go to bed, but it was the weekend and she was seeing her father for the first time in twelve years, so she decided to leave her alone.

She woke up around seven and made coffee. Christy came down a little after 8:30, looking tired.

She waved off Carina's offer to make her breakfast and said she wanted to go sit on the porch. Carina asked her if she wanted company, but she shook her head.

Her daughter was never this quiet. She was a little worried, thinking that maybe though she'd been convinced that she should give her dad a chance that she still wasn't ready to actually meet him.

But she stuck her head in the door a little after 9. "Dad's here. If you need me call me. You have his number too. I'll be home this afternoon sometime. I love you Mom."

"Love you too honey."

Christiana shut the door. She heard a car door shut and then she was gone.

It was a boring day. Her work for the week had been finished on Friday, there wasn't more than a load of laundry to do, and after a quick run through of the house, vacuuming, straightening up her bathroom; she always left Christy's to her, it was her daughter's private domain, and putting the dishes in the dishwasher away, she was done. So she took her book outside and read on the porch.

Noelle's mom called her early in the afternoon. She wanted details on her night with Clark and was jealous that they were going to dinner at Locke's house. She too, wanted to meet his parents.

She said she'd bring up with them a barbecue in early summer. Then both Adele and Clark's curiosity would be satisfied.

Adele said that she had agreed to let Noelle go to the movies with Howard, if Christy would come along and the adults would sit in another part of the theater. Carina agreed, somewhat reluctantly since she still wasn't ready to let her daughter really date, but figured with a crowded theater and parents watching from a few rows away the kids couldn't get into too much trouble.

Christy came home a little after 4 with a bag from the mall full of clothes. Brady waved from across the street, and since his window was down she could see the wide grin on his face.

"Christiana."

"Don't start Mom. I told him he didn't have to buy me all this stuff. He wanted to. He said it doesn't start to make up for all the birthday and Christmas presents that he's missed. He saved all the presents he bought me. He said I could have them, but it's just a bunch of kid's stuff now."

Carina nodded. "Did you have a nice time?"

"I guess. It's weird for both of us still. He took like a thousand pictures of me."

Christy rolled her eyes.

"Can you blame him?"

"No. And I don't blame you either, in case you're wondering. It was just an f-ed up situation. You both should have probably handled it differently but you didn't, and now we have to get on with our lives."

Teenagers were such a strange mixture of child and adult, it never ceased to blow her mind.

"You know what's funny Mom?"

"What?"

"He showed me a picture of his wife. She kind of looks like you. She's not as tall and she's really skinny, but her eyes are a lot like yours and the coloring. I think he missed you."

How to answer that one she wondered?

"I don't know hon."

Christiana shrugged. "When are Clark's kids coming down again?"

"I'm not sure."

"Noelle knew who Mel was when they went to school here, but they weren't friends, so she's really jealous. And the girl that was Melicia's best friend when they lived here is like the prettiest girl in school."

"Hmm."

"I'm going up to my room for a while. Call me when dinner's ready okay?"

"Okay."

She made a salad with chicken breast for dinner and called Christy down. Christy made a face.

She didn't mind eating salad, just didn't think it was a complete meal.

"Can Locke come over and help me study for our science test tomorrow?"

Carina held back a sigh. "I suppose. Adele is letting Noelle go to the movies with Howard as long as you and Locke go too."

"Awesome. Really?"

"Yes honey. But we will be there too. We won't embarrass you by sitting with you, though."

"No wonder Noelle didn't tell me."

"You've been begging me to go for months and now I say you can go, and you don't want to?"

"It's no fun with parents hanging over your shoulder."

"We won't be hanging over your shoulders."

"At least you're being honest about it. Though it would be pretty funny catching you guys spying on us."

Carina smiled. She had thought about that, but knew the kids would have found them out all too quickly.

"Do you think Locke's parents will be okay with it?"

"Yeah. They fell in love when they were thirteen."

"I see."

"It's a very romantic story."

"Hmm."

Christy rolled her eyes again. "It wasn't like you're thinking Mom. She didn't end up pregnant at sixteen. She's your age."

"I wasn't judging."

"Parents always judge."

"I try not to Christiana. A lot of parents wouldn't let their child date someone with green hair, even if his father is a scientist."

"You're okay most of the time, Mom. Except when you treat me like I'm five and try to pretend that sex doesn't exist."

"You're too young to be thinking about sex."

Another dramatic eye roll.

"I didn't say I wanted to have it. But don't pretend like it's some dirty secret."

"Can we have this discussion later? Say in another four years?"

"You're doing it again Mom."

"We had the birds and the bees discussion Christy. Wasn't that enough?"

"I guess. I just want to know that when I get older if I have a question I can talk to you without you acting weird."

"Hopefully Christiana, by the time that comes up I will be ready."

Christy laughed. "Parents are weird."

"You're a part of me Christy."

"Don't go getting all sentimental on me, Mom. I know you love me. I've never once in my life doubted that, even if you can be a pain in the ass."

"Christy."

"Yes Mother, no filthy language. I'm terribly sorry."

The look on her daughter's face made her laugh.

"Can I see what your dad bought you?"

"There's nothing inappropriate. It's just jeans and t-shirts."

"Okay."

"He wanted to know if you had any old school pictures."

"I'm sure we probably have some somewhere."

"You got the biggest package every year. I'm sure you have a ton left. You're saving them to embarrass me when I get married."

Carina laughed. "You always look good in your school pictures."

"Yeah, right. Only parents like school pictures. They always turn out goofy like the picture on your drivers' license when you get older. But I told him you'd look."

"I'll look in the morning. If he's got an e-mail address I can scan a lot of your other pictures for him too."

"I'll tell him. He's picking me up next Saturday morning with his wife."

"Okay."

"I'm going to my room okay?"

"Yes dear."

Christy ran off up the stairs. Carina went to bed early, but had to fight with Christy to get her up in the morning because her daughter obviously hadn't.

She spent half the day digging through old pictures, and saw that she did have several copies of every year of Christy's school pictures. By the time she was halfway through scanning the other pictures into the computer, she realized there was no way she could do them all. She had too many.

So she set aside the ones that were similar, but it was almost three by the time she was done anyway.

Locke came home with Christy after school and ended up staying for dinner again. When she drove him home afterwards she spoke briefly with his parents. They were both very nice.

His mother was gorgeous, and his father was not what you'd think of as your typical scientist. He was tall with chin length dark hair and beautiful green eyes that he'd passed on to his son. And he had muscles like he worked out. She didn't know when he found time to work out. He was almost enough to make her drool.

When Locke's mother told her that Christy was all he talked about, she wasn't sure how to feel.

When they got in the car Christy said "I'm telling Clark that you were drooling over Locke's dad."

Feeling herself blush, Carina said "I was not."

"Yes you were. Maybe you should ask them if you can bring Clark to dinner so he can keep you in line."

"I hardly think that's necessary."

Christy laughed. "Just kidding Mom. I know he's hot. Locke is going to grow up to look just like him."

Carina laughed. "Maybe I should tell Locke you were drooling over his dad."

"I give. You don't tell Locke I think his dad's a hottie, and I won't tell your boyfriend okay?"

It felt strange to hear Christiana call Clark her boyfriend.

"Deal."

They both had a nice time at Locke's on Wednesday. His parents, Jasmine and Hunter, were both very intelligent and willing to answer any questions she had about their work.

She was having such a good time, she was hardly bothered when she looked out from the cozy kitchen where they were having coffee and noticed that Christy and Locke were holding hands in the living room.

They set a tentative date for the barbecue in the middle of June and even offered to hold it at their house since they had a much bigger yard. It turned out that they were just as interested in meeting people as people were in meeting them, but neither of them had a lot of free time.

She brought up the movie date with the kids, which they'd planned for the next Friday, but neither of them were able to go.

Friday night, she, Clark, Adele and Adam sat in the back of the theater while the kids sat in the middle. Christiana and Locke were holding hands, but it didn't look like Noelle was too thrilled with her 'date'.

Christy went home with Noelle to spend the night and Clark drove Locke home. She went home alone and was surprised when Clark showed up forty-five minutes later.

He liked Locke and said that he seemed very sincere in his interest in Christiana. She was touched by his concern about her daughter's almost boyfriend and felt her thoughts drifting to him being her stepfather.

They made love. She liked the feeling of waking up in his arms the next morning. He wanted her and Christy to come over to his place for dinner the next week. She agreed.

She had almost forgotten about Christiana's visit with her father and jumped when she came in the front door.

Christy gave her an amused smile when she saw Clark sitting at the table drinking his orange juice and was humming 'going to the chapel' when she went up the stairs. Clark thought it was funny too. Melicia had been teasing him constantly about their getting married as well.

When Brady knocked on the door, his wife standing shyly a step behind him, he shook Clark's hand and gave her a huge smile when she handed him the school pictures. When she asked him about an e-mail address to send the rest of the pictures to, Stacy offered hers since Brady hated computers as much as he hated cell phones.

Carina thought Stacy seemed very nice. Though it was strange to watch her daughter walk away with her father, she felt Christy was in good hands.

Clark went home, promising to call her later. When Christy came home, she was cheerful.

Brady and Stacy were talking about moving so they could be closer to Christy. She seemed excited about the idea. She really liked Stacy. Carina didn't hear another Brady coming out of her mouth instead of Dad.

Things were going almost too well. She was apprehensive.

Then three days after school got out for the summer, two things happened at once.

Things were still going well for her and Clark. Brady had put in a request for a transfer and hoped to be moved by the end of the summer. She'd agreed to let Christiana go out with Locke without parental supervision as long as it was with a group of friends, and she was home no later than 10:00.

Then, on the night of Christy's outing with Locke, she got a call from Clark. His ex-wife's current boyfriend had made an advance on Melicia.

Clark was incredibly pissed off and wanted to pick up both of his children right away, but his ex-wife refused since it wasn't his weekend to keep the kids.

Melicia was highly upset, wanted to go with her father and was threatening to run away.

The usually calm Andrew was trying to be the man of the house and protect his big sister and had locked his mother and her boyfriend out of the house.

Accusations were flying, which Carina got to hear all of. He had her on a three-way call with his ex-wife. He threatened to call the police, or child protective services, to have her back in court the following Monday. Sharon called him every name in the book and said she'd make sure he never got to see his children again.

Carina had a headache from all the yelling and felt helpless to do anything.

She'd offered to let Melicia and Andrew stay at her house but Sharon quickly dismissed the idea, telling her to keep out of something that wasn't her business and asking Clark why she was on the phone.

Clark had replied that he wanted a witness. That had started more nasty name calling.

Finally Sharon had agreed to let Clark trade a weekend if he would take the kids while she went on a cruise in July. He was more than willing. They agreed that it was best for Sharon's boyfriend to leave. He called Melicia's cell phone and had Andrew unlock the door.

She was glad that he had things semi-straightened out with his kids. Christy was going to be thrilled that Melicia was coming down. But in all of the chaos, she hadn't been able to tell Clark what she'd been trying to get up the nerve to call and tell him when he'd phoned her.

She was pregnant. She'd waited all day to take the test until Christiana was gone. She was scared shitless, felt too old to be starting over. Christy was going to be thrilled. She had no idea how Clark was going to react.

He'd talked about them taking a vacation together in August. He'd talked about them moving in together because he had a five-bedroom house. He wanted her in court with him when he managed to get Sharon back into court. But they hadn't discussed marriage seriously.

She was helplessly in love with him, though she hadn't put into words how she felt. She didn't know how she felt about marriage and wasn't ready to give up her house. This complicated things.

When Christy came home a few minutes before ten, she was excited at having finally been able to go out on an actual date.

But when she looked at her mother she said "What's wrong Mom?"

"Clark had a crisis with his kids. He's on his way to pick them up."

"What happened?"

"Sharon's boyfriend made a move on Melicia."

"That scumbag. Is she okay?"

"She's upset of course. But glad Clark is picking them up."

"That sucks. He's got to get custody now."

"It might help. I don't know. The whole situation is very complicated."

"Seems pretty simple to me."

"I know honey. I wish everyone saw it that way."

Christy looked hard at her mother. "That's not all is it? You've been upset all day. Is it the whole date thing? I thought you liked Locke."

"I do. If you're going to go out with anyone at your age, I'm glad it's him."

"So what is it then? Are you still freaked out because Clark asked us to move into his house? Or is it something with Dad? Are you regretting letting him see me?"

"Of course not honey. Your dad is fine. Everything looks good with his transfer. They're just getting a few loose ends tied up. I'm fine with him and Stacy being a part of your life. I'm not ready to give up our house right now, but Clark is fine with that."

"So what is it then? Did he ask you to marry him? Are you having his baby? Wait, he couldn't have asked you to marry him if he's okay with us not moving in right now. It would be pretty dumb to be married and not live in the same house. So you're pregnant right? Did you tell him?"

Carina was silent.

Christiana smirked. "You are pregnant and you didn't tell him yet. I have got to tell Melicia."

"Don't you dare Christiana."

"I was kidding Mom. She's got enough on her mind right now. But you didn't deny it. I'm going to be a big sister. Finally."

"Christiana." She sighed.

"Yes Mom?"

"Yes, I am pregnant and no I haven't told Clark. I would very much prefer if you kept this to yourself until I do tell him."

"So are you gonna marry him?"

"I don't know Christy. I have no idea how he's going to react."

"Are you kidding? He like worships you. It's totally adorable. And he wouldn't have to worry about you being a bitch like Sharon if you ever got divorced."

"Christy."

"What? She is a bitch. Even Melicia says so and it's her mother."

Carina sighed again. "Why don't you go upstairs and fill Noelle in on the details of your date? I need some time to think."

"Okay."

Noelle hadn't been able to go. She was grounded, but her parents hadn't had the heart to take away her cell phone.

Christy was halfway up the stairs when she turned around and grinned. "Can I help you name the baby?"

"We will discuss that remote possibility later okay?"

"Yes Mother. Goodnight."

She could only imagine what kind of names Christy would come up with.

She wanted a cigarette, but felt guilty even thinking about it. Finally she went upstairs and tossed and turned half the night.

Christy let her sleep in. When she went downstairs around 10 a.m. after her first bout of morning sickness, her daughter informed her that Clark was coming to pick her up and was taking the kids to the lake.

She was afraid for a minute that Christiana had told him about the pregnancy, but Christy read her mind again and said "I didn't tell him. He's just being nice."

Clark arrived a little after 11 with the kids. Christy immediately went to Melicia's side. The two girls became involved in a hushed conversation. Clark embraced her. She murmured into his ear "How are the kids doing?"

"They're still upset," he said quietly, looking from his daughter who wasn't wearing makeup for the first time since Carina had met her, to his son who was pressed up against the back window of the car, reading a comic book.

"They'll be okay. The creep didn't touch her, just said something very suggestive. I don't know what I would have done if he had hurt her. I have to get them out of that situation."

"I know."

"Do you want to come with us? I thought you looked like you could use a break, but if you want to come, you're more than welcome."

"It's okay. I don't want to make the kids have to squish up together in the backseat."

He squeezed her hand. "We need a bigger car. A minivan maybe."

Yeah, she thought, especially since they were going to have four kids soon instead of three.

"Yeah."

"You okay?"

"Yep."

"You're probably thinking about what you would have done if it would have been Christy."

The thought had crossed her mind, but it wasn't her current issue.

"I would feel the same way if it was Christiana babe. I look at her and see Mel at that age. It scares the hell out of me. You ever wish you'd had a boy instead?"

She laughed, looking at Andrew. "Sometimes, yeah."

"You want us to bring back dinner? There's that really great Italian place between here and the lake."

"Sure."

"I'll see you later." He gave her a long kiss.

"Bye Clark. Have fun. See you later Melicia, Andrew."

She looked at her daughter. "Behave Christiana."

Christy rolled her eyes. "Later Mom."

They all waved. She watched them drive away. She was tempted to tell Adele about her pregnancy or Jasmine, whom she'd gotten close to since Locke and Christy were spending so much time together, but it felt wrong. She had to tell Clark first. And she didn't want to interrupt his unexpected weekend with his kids, so it was going to have to wait until Monday morning when their mom picked them up.

The day flew by. Clark was back with the kids before she knew it. They ate dinner in the front yard. The kids all seemed in better moods. Christy was huddled with Melicia for the biggest portion of the meal. She was afraid that her daughter had let her secret slip because the girls kept glancing at her, but figured she was being paranoid.

When they left, Clark gave her another long kiss. The eye rolls from the girls had ceased since it was old hat. Christy went straight up to her room. Carina followed quickly after.

Monday morning she was so nervous that she almost didn't come out of the bathroom after she threw up. Her morning sickness with Christy had been hell. She wasn't looking forward to the next couple months.

When she went back down the hall to her bedroom she was tempted to go back to sleep, but she wanted to catch Clark before he left for work. Christy was blaring music from down the hall so sleep was pretty much out of the question anyway.

When she called Clark he answered and said "I was about to call you. I have some great news."

"Okay."

"Sharon had a change of heart. She wants to give me custody of the kids. Says she needs time to find herself. Of course she wants enough alimony to make up for the lack of child support, but I don't care. As long as the kids are safe, I'll pay her any amount of money."

"That's great."

"You should have seen Andrew's face light up. Mel's trying to play it cool, but she's really excited too."

"I'm happy for you."

"Thanks. I couldn't believe it when she called. She just picked them up, but I'm picking them up next weekend and they're coming home to stay. The lawyers should have the papers drawn up this afternoon."

"That's wonderful."

"It is. Is everything okay Carina? It seemed like there was something on your mind the other day."

"I'm fine. Clark, I have something to tell you."

"What's up?"

He sounded cautious; like he was afraid she was going to break up with him.

"I'm pregnant."

"You're pregnant?"

"Yes."

Silence. Then "Wow. That's great. That is absolutely fantastic." He paused. "Isn't it?"

She didn't know what to say.

"Carina?"

"Yes?"

"Aren't you happy?"

"I'm scared."

"Oh babe. There's no need to be scared. You're a wonderful mother. You'll make a wonderful step-mother too. I wanted to wait to ask you; to surprise you and be romantic when we went on vacation, but there's no time like the present right? Carina will you marry me?"

He'd just proposed, and over the phone even. She wanted to laugh, it was so absurd.

"Yes Clark. I'll marry you. But can we do it before I get too fat? I was huge when I was pregnant with Christy."

He laughed. "We can do it today if you want."

Today she thought?

"Um. Maybe it would be better to wait a little while at least."

He laughed again. "I want to take you out tonight to celebrate. Do you think Christy will want to come?"

"Noelle is ungrounded today. She's staying at her house tonight."

"Okay. I'll pick you up about six then?"

"Okay."

"I love you Carina."

"I love you too Clark."

"I can't wait to tell the kids. They're going to be so happy. Does Christy know?"

"Yeah. She wants us to let her name the baby."

"Why not? It'll be a family affair."

She giggled, feeling like a teenage girl herself.

"I've got to get to work babe. I'll see you later."

"Bye Clark."

Before she left for Noelle's, Christy scrutinized her mother. "You don't look pregnant."

"Thanks hon. I appreciate your concern."

Christy grinned. "No problem. I love you Mom."

"Love you honey. Behave yourself. No sneaking out to meet Locke okay?"

He only lived about a block away from Noelle. Christy hid a grin. Carina could tell that the thought had crossed her mind.

Clark showed up with a dozen roses and a hell of an engagement ring. The stone was huge. She hated to think what it had cost him, but he refused to tell her when she asked.

They had a quiet dinner at an expensive restaurant where the food was terrible. Neither of them could finish even half. They ended up going to a fast food drive through.

They cuddled like teenagers on the porch swing and then ended up making love in the backyard under the stars, a first for both of them.

They were married six weeks later in a somewhat unconventional wedding. They were married in a double wedding shared by Clark's sister Ashleigh, who was expecting a child also. Clark wasn't thrilled about his little sister's marriage but didn't let it show.

Christy spent their honeymoon with her father and Stacy who had taken over Carina's old house. Clark's kids spent it with Clark's parents.

Six months later everyone was settled in. Brady and Stacy got the news that they were expecting, having decided to try one last time for a child, so Christy was going to be a big sister times two.

She was thrilled and Carina was too. She thought that the woman that had replaced her in Brady's life had a hell of a lot to do with his turning his life around. Carina was content that her daughter had two parents and two step-parents who loved her very much.

The past was the past and good or bad, sometimes it needed to stay that way.
