

Knotted Roots

By

Ruthi Kight

Knotted Roots

By Ruthi Kight

Smashwords Edition

This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, and events are either the product of the author's imagination or are used fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, events, or locales is entirely coincidental.

Copyright © 2013 Ruthi Kight

All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, distributed, or transmitted in any form or by any means, including photocopying, recording, or other electronic or mechanical methods, without the prior written permission of the author, except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical reviews and certain other noncommercial uses permitted by copyright law. For permission requests, e-mail ruthikight@gmail.com.

This ebook is licensed for your personal enjoyment only. This ebook may not be re-sold or given away to other people. If you would like to share this book with another person, please purchase an additional copy for each recipient. If you're reading this book and did not purchase it, or it was not purchased for your use only, then please return to Smashwords.com and purchase your own copy. Thank you for respecting the hard work of this author.

**ISBN-13:** 978-1482782042

**ISBN-10:** 1482782049

TABLE OF CONTENTS

Title Page

Dedication

Prologue

Chapter One

Chapter Two

Chapter Three

Chapter Four

Chapter Five

Chapter Six

Chapter Seven

Chapter Eight

Chapter Nine

Chapter Ten

Chapter Eleven

Chapter Twelve

Chapter Thirteen

Chapter Fourteen

Chapter Fifteen

Chapter Sixteen

Chapter Seventeen

Chapter Eighteen

Chapter Nineteen

Chapter Twenty

Chapter Twenty-One

Chapter Twenty-Two

Chapter Twenty-Three

Chapter Twenty-Four

Chapter Twenty-Five

Chapter Twenty-Six

Chapter Twenty-Seven

Epilogue

Special Thanks

About the Author

BONUS: Special Sneak Peek from Michelle Knight

DEDICATION

I dedicate this book to the two people who have known me the longest: my parents. Dad, you will never know just how much your support means to me. You have lifted me up and made me believe in myself once again. Thank you for all that you have done. Mom, I know you are up in heaven smiling down on me. I miss you every waking moment and I wish that you were by my side right now as my dreams come true. You two are the best parents that a person could ask for. Thank you for always having faith in me, even when I lost faith in myself.

PROLOGUE

Decisions. A part of our lives that we inevitably have to deal with. When we're kids, our decisions seem simple, until we look back at them later. We wonder what would have happened if we had chosen a different best friend, or a different lunch box, or a different infatuation. As we get older, the decisions become more complex, and the results become more skewed. It's no wonder that most of us have a hard time sticking to a decision.

My biggest problem at the end of my junior year of high school was which boy I wanted to be seen with in the Hamptons (Carter Raine, of course). Or which designer I wanted to design my summer wardrobe (Michael Kors, no doubt). I had everything planned out, including how each small detail would impact the next. I was a planner. Life needed a plan, sometimes down to the minute.

Imagine my surprise when my whole plan got thrown out the window. My summer plan, my life's plan, hell, my Monday plan, all of it was trashed in the blink of an eye. My parents made a huge decision for me that day. When it happened, I was pissed. Forget that, I was beyond pissed! I wanted to revolt against them and sneak away to my best friend's house. I planned to lock myself in her room until they changed their minds. I was prepared.

What I wasn't prepared for was how life down South could irrevocably change me. I won't tell you where I ended up, but I will tell you how I got there: I let go of my plans. I stopped living by a calendar and just started living. See, there's this great thing called spontaneity that I lost somewhere along the way. What I found last summer changed my life, in more ways than one.

CHAPTER ONE

"I want to scream! They are such idiots!" I yelled in frustration. "Why would I want to spend my summer in Podunk South Carolina? I swear! Have they lost their damn minds?"

"Don't they realize that the summer before senior year is very important to your social standing? If you don't go to the Hamptons with me you're going to be a social outcast when you come back," Amber replied, the anger and frustration evident in the fire of her tone.

Amber had been my best friend since we were in diapers. She always had my back, no matter what injustice I was suffering from at the moment. I could always count on her understanding and knew she would be just as upset as I was. That's what best friends did, right?

"I tried to tell them that last night! I even told them that I would still be out of their hair if they just let me spend the summer with you and your parents. But they said I needed time away from this world, whatever that means," I huffed as I slammed my locker shut.

I threw my pink messenger bag over my shoulder, careful not to catch my long, chestnut curls in the strap. At five-foot-nine-inches, I normally towered over Amber, but today she was wearing her heels, which brought us almost to eye level with each other. We had been told our entire lives that we looked like twins, except for the height difference. We both had naturally curly hair, always worn long, with green eyes. Mine were a shade darker than hers, but it was such a minor difference that people rarely noticed. While it may sound nice to have a best friend who looked so much like you that you're mistaken for twins, it really sucked when you dated someone new. You always wondered if they found your best friend as attractive as you.

We started walking down the almost empty hall, careful not to trip over all of the discarded items strewn about from the many lockers that had been cleaned out. The students of Hucklebee Academy believed themselves to be above cleaning, especially after themselves. When you come from money there was always someone there to clean up after you, so what's the point?

"Maybe if I go over and talk to them, they will change their minds. I mean, South Carolina? What in the hell are you supposed to do there all summer?" asked Amber, as she side-stepped a large pile of boxes in the middle of the hall.

As we walked amongst our fellow students and friends I couldn't help but think that next year would be completely different. All of my friends would spend the summer together, attending numerous parties and barbecues in the most exclusive area in New York, while I spent my days suffocating in the humid heat of the South. Would they accept me back next year if I missed all of the social gatherings? What would happen if they didn't?

I shivered as the thought that my future in the social strata was about to be threatened. "Come with me to the condo. It's worth a shot, ya know?" I said as we pushed through the large double doors of our private school. The New York heat was breath taking, but I remembered stories from my mother about the heat in her hometown of Perry Point, near Myrtle Beach, South Carolina. She said that you could taste the moisture in the air. The humidity was a tangible being by itself, as it smothered those that dared to spend their summer days outdoors.

She rarely spoke of her life before New York. Before Dad. It wasn't a secret that her mother, Betty, still lived there, but I had never visited. I barely even knew my grandmother. My mom told me that I had met her when I was almost a year old, but my memories from that age are a little fuzzy. Okay, not fuzzy. More like flat out non-existent.

If she couldn't stand to even talk about her hometown, then why would she expect me to want to spend my summer there? I never gave much thought to what her life had been before she met Dad, but if her lack of disclosure was any indication, it wasn't all that wonderful. My real concern was why she expected me to just cancel all of my plans to spend my vacation with a woman I didn't even know, in a place that she apparently hated? It wasn't fair, if you asked me. But of course they didn't, obviously.

As we made our way to my condo we talked about all of the festivities that had been planned for the Hamptons. The annual White Party, of course, was the major hot topic. We had never been invited until this year, so that was definitely a point to make to the parental units. There were numerous barbeques, yacht parties, and luncheons that I couldn't miss. Apparently my social stratus had not been factored into the equation, a point I intended to rectify as soon as I got home. My reputation would surely plummet if I had to spend three months away from civilization. They couldn't be that heartless...could they?

* * * *

I heard yelling as we approached the mahogany door that led to the inner sanctum of our home. I looked back at Amber, who was so engrossed in her iPhone that she didn't seem to notice the ruckus that poured through my front door. I slipped my key into the lock, careful not to make too much noise, and turned the key silently. As I opened the door I heard a loud crash. It sounded like a thousand pieces of glass hit our expensive granite floor. I flung open the door and rushed in, and all thought of a sneak attack flew out the window.

I wasn't prepared for what greeted me inside. My mother, still in her fluffy pink bathrobe, sat on the blood red sofa, her face cradled in her hands. My father, his face red with anger, stood over her, and his hands shook as he appeared ready to attack.

"Dad! What is going on?" I yelled as I threw my bag on the floor. I rushed to my mother and sat down beside her, and I began to run my hands up and down her back. "Mom, are you okay? Why aren't you dressed?"

"Roxie, this is between your mother and myself. Please take your friend and go to your room," Dad said as he tried to slow his breathing and calm down.

"Um...I think I'm going to head home. Call me later Rox," replied Amber as she quickly shuffled out the front door. The door slammed as she rushed out, the sound echoed through the now silent house. I looked up at Dad and noticed that the veins in his forehead were bulging again. I hadn't seen him this angry since the Visa bill came in the mail last month.

"What's going on? Did Mom do some more retail therapy today? 'Cause she told me that she was going out to buy me some new clothes for my forced vacation to the armpit of the south," I asked, as I hoped my lie would help to diffuse the situation between them.

"Roxie, this has nothing to do with you, or shopping. Go ahead Cal, tell her. I'm sure you are just dying to smear my name some more," Mom stood and pulled her bathrobe closed around her small frame. She looked more fragile than normal. The bones in her hands appeared as if covered in a film instead of thousands of layers of muscle and skin.

"Leave her out of this Angela. This isn't the time or the place to tell her," replied Dad. The air crackled between the two people in this world who meant the most to me. Evidently this was much bigger than a simple shopping spree.

"What's going on? Please tell me! Does this have to do with why I'm being shipped off to Grandma Betty's for the summer?" I asked, as tears threatened to explode from beneath my lashes. As soon as the words were out of my mouth I knew that I had hit the nail on the proverbial head. I glanced from one to the other, twin looks of guilt on their faces in full view. I crossed my arms dramatically and tapped my foot, just in case they didn't already know that I was seriously fed up with their crap.

"Roxie, your mother and I have something that we need to discuss with you. We wanted to wait until after the summer, but it seems that's not possible now," he paused and drew a deep breath. "Your mother and I are getting a divorce."

Have you ever been sucker punched? Like the air has been physically forced out of your body? That would be exactly how I felt at that moment. I couldn't breathe and my mind decided to take a vacation to la-la land at the same time. The only thing I could do was to stare at them both, suddenly unsure who the hell they were. _My_ parents would never get divorced. _My_ parents were perfect for each other. All of my friends wished their parents were as cool as mine, so how in the hell could something like this happen? People don't envy dysfunctional, do they?

"Di...di...vorced?" I stammered. The word felt foreign on my tongue. "But...I'm so confused. Why?"

My dad heaved a huge sigh as he prepared to answer. "There are just some things that are left alone for now sweetheart. This is one of those instances."

"I have a right to know Dad."

His gaze shifted to my mother as his eyebrows drew up in question. "Care to explain to our daughter why we're getting a divorce? I mean, this is your doing, after all."

I looked at my mother's face and noticed for the first time that her light blue eyes no longer shined. There were more wrinkles than I remembered seeing a few weeks ago. She wouldn't look up to meet my father's gaze. Her delicate hands wrapped around a crumpled tissue as she stared down at her bare feet.

"Mom? What's going on? You guys are scaring me," I said before I put my hand on hers. Her skin felt dry and rough. Someone desperately needed to moisturize.

"It's...complicated baby," she replied. "I'm so...sorry... you had to find out like this."

"Complicated? How complicated can it be?" When she didn't meet my eyes I turned to face my dad's intense glare, the pain in his eyes unmistakable. I stood and faced him. "Tell me. I can handle it."

He looked down at me and tried to smile, but all he managed to do was grimace. "Your mother and I...well...we no longer feel...we no longer feel the same way that we once did." He paused briefly and looked over my shoulder at my mother. He returned his attention to me and continued, "We are... no longer in love. That happens sometimes."

"How do you just fall out of love? That's ridiculous! You don't just stop loving someone like that," I said as I snapped my fingers.

"Cal...Just tell her. No sense in lying to her." My mother's voice was thick with tears, but I couldn't bear to look at her. I kept my eyes focused on my dad. He had always been the stable one, my rock, in this world.

"No. If you want her to know, then you tell her. It's your dirty little secret." He spat the words out as if they left a rancid taste in his mouth.

I looked between them, no longer sure of who these people were. The venom that spewed from my father's mouth scared me, but it was the pain in his eyes that gripped my heart. Did I really want to know what had happened in their relationship to get to this point? Only part of my heart could answer that question with a definitive yes.

"I'm not doing this," my mother said, as she jumped up from the couch. She tied her robe tightly around her body and squared her shoulders. "I don't have to explain myself to anyone. This is over, so let's just drop it." She spun on her heel and stormed away from us.

I heard the door at the end of the hall slam. She had closeted herself in their room again. There was no telling when she would resurface, and I had no idea if she would stay here or not. My heart sputtered at the thought of waking up without either one of them here, in _our_ home. I couldn't stand any longer. My knees were weak from shaking. I collapsed on the couch that my mother recently vacated.

My dad fell to his knees in front of me, his rough hands grasped mine, and engulfed them in warmth. "We wanted to wait. _I_ wanted to wait...I'm so sorry baby. Guess this is another thing we have failed at."

My ears were set ablaze at his pitiful words. This was NOT the man who had raised me. The man who had taught me to be strong-willed and opinionated. The one who told me to never say sorry unless I truly meant it. And even then he claimed it was a sign of weakness. Yet, here he sat as he wallowed in his own pity. No. I couldn't deal with that side of him.

I ripped my hands away and jumped to my feet as I backed away from him and his neediness. "How dare you," I growled. "My entire life you told me not to show weakness. Not to let someone else control how I felt. And yet here you are. Pathetic." I ran away, down the long hall to my room at the end. I slammed the door, hard enough the framed pictures on my walls shuddered under the impact.

I rushed to my bed and threw myself down, the tears that had threatened from the start slid down my cheeks. No heavy sobs escaped, just whimpers. I could not allow great, heaving sobs to escape my body. I could not be weak like my parents. If they couldn't make a relationship work, well that was their problem. But I wanted nothing to do with any of it. The thought of leaving home scared me, but at this point anything was better than being here.

I hadn't seen my Grandma since I was a year old. Would she even recognize me now? Would she care?

CHAPTER TWO

The drive to the airport was tense. I could feel the anger as it rolled off of both of my parents as they pretended to be civil for my benefit. Did they seriously think they could fool me? I had heard their yelling every night for the last week as they drove that wedge even further between themselves. I knew that the smiles on their faces were fake, as well as the breezy tone that they each used when they addressed each other. Their act was causing me to become angrier as we moved through traffic to reach the airport. I decided to text Amber again and hoped that she would respond this time.

_Where were u? U were supposed 2 come say goodbye this morning._ I stared at the phone after the text went through. This was the fifth time I had texted her since last night, and hadn't received a response. I knew, deep down, that she wouldn't respond, but I couldn't help but keep trying. She was supposed to be my best friend, so why hadn't she responded? Why hadn't she been there this morning to say goodbye? That's what best friends did, right?

"Mom, did you remember to call Grandma Betty and remind her when my flight would land? I don't want to be sitting there all day waiting." I knew she had, but I wanted to be absolutely sure. Plus, it was a way to get her to talk; hopefully it would break the tension that surrounded them both.

"She knows. She's not that old," she chuckled at her own joke. That was debatable, especially since she had sent a Barbie every year for my birthday since I was three. Didn't she realize that I was 17 now? That had to be a sure sign of senility.

"Are you sure that my stuff will be there? What if it never made it there? I only have one outfit in my suitcase," I replied, as anxiety wrapped me in its grip once again.

"Roxie, breathe. Everything is taken care of. We shipped your stuff there express. It will be there when you get there," said Dad, while he shook his head in frustration. He obviously didn't understand how valuable all of my clothes were. Men never understood clothing.

"Easy for you to say," I replied under my breath. They weren't the ones being shipped off to parts unknown. The anger that I felt towards both of them threatened once again, as it had bubbled and roiled all morning. I didn't want to be angry with them, but they gave me no choice. In fact, they took away all of my choices.

As we pulled up at the front of the airport, the heaviness in my heart grew worse. New Yorkers were not exactly known for their patience, so I knew that I had only moments to say goodbye before the honks and cursing began all around us. I was sure I would miss the fast paced life of home. I gripped my bag tightly as I pulled out my ticket, and opened my door. Stepping out of the car felt more final than it should have. Maybe my heart knew something that my mind hadn't grasped yet.

I set my bag on the ground, leaned into my mother's window and gave her a brief hug. We all said goodbye, tears streamed freely from their eyes. I hadn't been able to shed a tear for them today. That would mean that I would miss them, which I had decided last night wasn't going to happen. I stood again and picked up my bag. I looked at them one last time before I turned and walked away. I couldn't shake the feeling that something was seriously wrong, but I chose instead to ignore it. I had enough to deal with at the moment and didn't need the added worry about what the future would hold for all of us.

The smell of dirt and grime assaulted my nose as I walked through the glass doors of the airport. I went through the process of check-in and found my terminal. The whole time I repeatedly glanced at my phone, hoping that Amber would text me back. Still nothing. Screw it. I had nothing to lose. I typed in her number and put the phone to my ear, listening to "Don't Stop Believing" as it rang on her end.

"Hello?" Amber answered hesitantly. Was that a hint of guilt I heard in her voice?

"Amber? Where the hell were you this morning?" I screeched. The anger I was already feeling at being stood up, plus what I felt towards my parents, finally spilled out. "I waited for you! I looked like a complete idiot out there on the stoop."

"Roxie, I'm so sorry. I had something that I had to deal with this morning," she sighed into the phone. That didn't sound like a sincere apology at all.

"Really? Like what?" I asked, my voice dripping sarcasm.

"Don't do this. Please. Not right now. Shouldn't you be on a plane already?" I heard laughter in the background. And the voices were familiar.

"A party? You're at a party? You've got to be kidding me." I was beyond spitting mad at that point, red starting to cloud my vision. "I can't believe you stood me up for a stupid party!"

"It's not stupid! It's Craig's end of the year bash! You _knew_ that it was today."

"Wow. Just wow. You know what? Screw you Amber!" I yelled before I angrily stabbed the end button on my cell phone. It wasn't nearly as satisfying as slamming a phone down in its cradle, but it would have to do. The tears I wouldn't shed for my parents now poured down my face. Amber was supposed to be by my side until we were old and gray. I hadn't expected her to pick Craig's party over saying goodbye to me, but obviously I didn't know her as well as I thought. It seemed that I didn't know anyone as well as I once thought I did. People continued to disappoint me.

I sat there as the tears silently slid down my cheeks, at least until the boarding call for my plane. I angrily wiped the tears from my face as I stood and grabbed my bag, viciously shoving my phone into my purse. I walked slowly, dragging my feet with each step. I dreaded leaving, but after Amber's quick dismissal and my parents acting like complete idiots, I knew that getting away was the best thing for me right now.

What do you say to a woman that you barely know? _Hey there, thanks for taking me in. Where the hell have you been the past 16 years?_ I had a feeling _that_ wouldn't go over very well with her. Mom told me that Grandma Betty was a true Southern woman. Respect and manners was evidently a big thing with her. She won't know what hit her when she gets to see the real me. The Roxie who was no longer a toddler, but a 17 year old woman who was pissed off at the world. _Bring it on_ Betty. _You don't know what you've gotten yourself into._

The plane ride was uneventful, my mind constantly jumped from my parents, to Amber, to Grandma. I thought about Mom and Dad. Were they arguing right now? Were they sorry for sending me away? Then Amber was there, front and center, and my blood pressure shot through the roof. I felt betrayed and angry, but most of all I was hurt. She had made her choice...and this time it wasn't me. As for Grandma...well, I had no idea what to expect. But I knew one thing: when the plane landed, she was going to wish she had said no to this "visit."

* * * *

"Roxanne! Roxanne Lynn!" I heard the gravelly voice long before I saw the face attached to the sound that grated on my already raw nerves. I scanned the small airport, searching for the owner of that distinctly Southern voice. What I found was a petite woman wearing a red flannel shirt and light denim jeans. Her arms flailed about her head as she desperately tried to grab my attention. Even from this distance I could tell that she was nothing like my mother. I couldn't fathom how this woman gave birth to the cultured and pristine woman that I grew up with.

I started to walk towards her as she made her way through the other waiting people to get to me. We met about halfway and she gripped me by my arms and drew me into a fierce hug. Wow! I wasn't expecting her to be that strong. For a woman of her age I was expecting a frail hug from a shriveled, old woman, not a bear hug from a well-muscled and toned woman.

"Roxanne, it's so good to have you here baby! Let me take a look at you," she drawled as she pulled back to scan me from head to toe. "You sure are skinny girl! Don't your parents feed you up there in New York?"

"What?"

"Never mind that. How was your flight? I'm sure you're exhausted," she spoke as we walked, arm in arm, through the tiny airport. As soon as the doors to the outside world opened up I was stunned by the sweltering heat. Mom was right; this was a heat like no other. It was as if I was swimming in a sea of sweat, not walking through open air.

"Deep breaths darlin'. The air takes a little getting used to, but you'll adjust," she smiled at me as we walked the short distance to where her truck sat waiting.

Figures. Could she be any more typical? I mean, of course the little old Southern lady would drive a massive truck. I was willing to bet there was a gun rack somewhere in there as well.

She threw my bag in the back of the truck and walked around to the driver side of the truck. "Get in girl. We've got a long drive to the house."

"Great," I muttered as I opened the door and climbed in.

* * * *

"I sure was sorry to hear about your parents. It was bound to happen though. Your mom and dad are too different," she spoke as we made the hour long drive to her home on the outskirts of the city.

"Different? No, they're not. They were meant for each other," I replied with a scowl. "Besides, you haven't seen my mom in, how long? You wouldn't even know what she is like anymore."

I could tell by the look on her face that I had struck a low blow. I hadn't meant to hurt her feelings, but that was not a topic that I wanted to discuss. The whole reason they sent me here was to get away from all of the drama that occurred during a divorce. They didn't want me caught in the middle, or at least so they said. Seemed to me that I was already caught in the middle. My life was being shredded, bit by bit, and there was nothing that I could do stop it.

"You're right. It's been far too long since I saw my daughter, but I know who she is, deep down. A mother always knows her child," she said before she turned the radio on and settled back in her seat.

Do mothers know their children that well? Amber's mother knows nothing about her. She had to be reminded every year when her child's birthday was. Most of the time I had to plan the entire thing because she had no idea what Amber would want. So, I was not inclined to believe that all mothers know their children that well. Grandma Betty may have thought that she knew my mother that well, but, in my mind, there's no way to truly know someone you haven't seen in almost twenty years.

* * * *

The drive to Grandma Betty's house seemed to take forever. The music blared from the speakers, but it was as if there was a vacuum surrounding us, sucking the energy out of both of us. We were both hurting in that moment, but neither of us knew how to help the other. Then again, it was my fault that she was hurting, but I felt that what I said wasn't off the mark. In fact, I was positive that she had no idea who her daughter was anymore.

The trees began to increase in number; their dark bark flooded my vision. I had never seen so many trees in my life. They lined the road, their branches spread overhead, creating a beautiful canopy for us to drive under. The leaves were all different shades of green, mixing together to create one of the most beautiful scenes I had ever seen. I had never given much thought to the significance of trees, but after driving underneath their cover, I could definitely understand why some people chose to live in places like this. There was something calming about our surroundings.

We turned off the main road onto a small dirt road. I wasn't expecting the bumps and dips and it felt as if we were on a kid's roller coaster ride. I had never driven down a road that wasn't made of asphalt. The plumes of dust that rose up from the back of the truck clouded my view as I looked in the side view mirror. My mother had always joked that living in the South was like living in a completely different world, but I had never known what she meant until that very moment.

When we arrived at the end of the dirt road my breath caught in my throat. We entered a clearing, and situated in the middle was a very large house, dominating its surroundings. The house looked like it had been ripped right out of an old Hollywood movie, complete with a large wrap around porch and two rocking chairs by the front door. The house was almost completely white, except for the bright red shutters that lined either side of the windows. The pathway leading up to this glorious home was lined with flowers of every shade imaginable, all obviously carefully tended. It was the most beautiful house I had ever seen.

"Whoa."

"You okay over there?" asked Grandma Betty.

"Um...yes, I think so. This is your house?" I couldn't keep the wonder out of my voice. I didn't want to offend her again, but I was caught completely off guard by her home. Where my mother had evidently grown up.

"Hasn't your momma ever shown you pictures of where she was born?" she asked, a small smile playing across her lips.

"No, never. I can't believe..." I looked over at her and my smile wilted. The look on her face showed a mix of regret and longing.

"That's a shame. We had some good times here," she said as she turned off the engine and opened her door.

I followed her lead, grabbing my bag from the back of the truck and dusting off the grit that had collected from our trip down the dirt road. I hurried to catch up as she made her way to the bright red door that stood in welcome, a beacon to all that visited. I guess I now know where my mother got her love of red.

She unlocked the door and swung it open, stepping aside to let me enter first. I walked through and instantly was stunned speechless. I had never been in a home quite like hers. The hardwood floors were cherry, a perfect contrast to the lovely cream color of the walls, giving the home a warm feeling that I hadn't been expecting. It was nothing like what I had pictured in my mind when my parents first told me where I was spending my summer.

"Okay sugar. Your room is up those stairs, first door on the right. Your boxes arrived this morning, so they're already up there waiting on you," she said as she stomped her feet on the welcome rug by the door.

"Thanks," I muttered as she walked away. I climbed the stairs, running my hand over the ornate railing as I made my way to my new bedroom. When I reached the top of the stairs I encountered a long hallway, doors lining the way to the end. I reached for the first door on the right and slowly opened it. There was no creaking noise, as I thought there would be, just a quiet whoosh as it opened.

I walked in and dropped my bag on the floor. The walls were a pale pink with white molding around the top that complimented the cherry floors that were evidently found throughout the entire house. In the middle of the room stood a large canopy bed, complete with a light pink ruffled top and a bed skirt to match. A white desk sat in the corner and was topped with a laptop and desk lamp, but nothing else. Nothing personal. A large dresser stood on one wall of the room, surrounded by all of my boxes that had been sent.

I walked over to the bed and plopped down on the edge. It was all so overwhelming. This wasn't my home, and yet I would have to pretend as if it were. As I gazed around the room I would call mine for the next three months, a soft knock sounded at the door. I walked over and opened the door to find Grandma Betty standing there.

"So, what do you think? Is it going to be okay for ya?" she asked nervously.

"It's...great, I guess," I said as I moved aside to let her into the room. She glided in and took a seat at the desk, swiveling around to face me as I sat back down on the bed.

"This was your mother's room when she was your age. I always dreamed of having another young lady spending time in here," she paused, "I just wish it was under better circumstances."

"I'm sure," I shot back, the sarcasm dripping from my mouth. I couldn't help but feel angry with her, as if it was somehow her fault for the situation I now found myself in.

She glanced at me, a look of confusion flashing across her features, but it was quickly replaced with a sugary sweet smile. "This is going to be a great summer, for both of us."

"Whatever you say," I replied as I flopped back on the bed.

She stood up and shook her head. I knew I was being obstinate and rude, but she deserved it, as least in my mind. This was what happened when you deserted your family. This was what happened when you ignored your granddaughter her whole life and then tried to jump right in when the proverbial poop hit the fan.

"Go ahead and get unpacked. We'll head out for dinner once you're done."

She walked out, closing the door behind her. I looked around at all the boxes that were in the room, unsure where to start. I began to feel overwhelmed again so I went to the window, opened it, and tried to take a deep breath. The humid air felt even more suffocating than it had at the airport. I had an overwhelming urge to run away. I could disappear in the woods that surrounded the house, never to be seen again. Then I could pretend that my world wasn't spiraling out of control, turning into my own personal pit in hell.

As I stared out the open window, I watched the trees sway in the breeze and the dirt swirl around the shabby excuse for a road. I felt the vice around my heart tighten to nearly unbearable. The reality was that no matter where I went, or who I lived with, when I returned to New York at the end of summer my entire life would be different. No more family vacations. No more designer clothes. No more familiarity.

CHAPTER THREE

Unpacking of all of those boxes was torture, but three hours later, I was finally done. As promised, Grandma Betty drove us to town for dinner. The drive was just as awkward as I imagined. The silence was thick and suffocating. Grandma didn't turn the radio on this time, but the scowl on her face had the same effect. She didn't want to talk to me? Fine, I didn't want talk to her either. No problem at all.

When we pulled into the parking lot of the restaurant I burst out laughing. The outside of the small building looked ordinary enough, well, except for the blazing neon sign that read Daisy's Diner. Only in the South would you find such a place, apparently named after the owner, and especially with a name like Daisy, or at least so I thought. When we parked I couldn't help but let yet another giggle escape my lips. Grandma acted as if she heard nothing, which made me feel horribly guilty for laughing to begin with.

When we entered the little diner I took in the checkered tablecloths that covered the small tables, as well as the red vinyl booths that surrounded them. It was like stepping back in time. It was simple and rustic, two things that we didn't have where I grew up. There was even a jukebox in the far corner, country music blaring from its speakers. I followed Grandma to a corner booth and we sat down, my thighs automatically sticking to the vinyl of the seat, which made it impossible to slide in any further. I had to settle for the middle since I wasn't willing to chafe the backs of my legs just to scoot closer to the window.

I looked around, taking in my surroundings. This was definitely going to be an interesting summer.

"You look a little shell shocked. What's on your mind?" she asked as she glanced between my face and the menu in front of her.

"I'd rather not say," I replied, trying to hide my smile as I perused the menu I was clutching.

"I see. Hmm, lemme guess. This fits your idea of us Southerners, right? The small town diner, complete with all the 'cheesy' trimmings," she replied as she stared straight into my eyes.

"Come on! I mean, it's so cliché. How do you not see it?" I asked. If looks could kill, I would be bleeding on the floor at that moment. Evidently she didn't find it funny at all.

"Cliché? You think you've got it all figured out, don't ya? You think you know what all of us around here are like, but you have no idea. Not really," she paused and scanned the diner. Her eyes settled on a man across the room that looked to be in his late thirties or early forties. "See that man over there? What's his story?"

"I don't know him! How am I supposed to know?" I replied.

"You've got us all figured out, so you should know."

I looked closely at him, studying him from across the room. He was dressed in dirty jeans, a torn t-shirt, and scuffed work boots. "In all honesty, he looks homeless," I said as I looked back at Grandma.

"Wrong. That's Dr. Livingston. He's the only family medicine doctor for 50 miles. If anything happens to you, God forbid, he's the one who will be treating you." The smug look on her face was more than I could handle. She knew what I would see when I looked at him.

"Is there a point to this?" I asked, trying to look unaffected and bored, and probably failing miserably.

"There's always a point when I open my mouth, which is more than I can say for you, young lady. You sit there on your high horse and look down your nose at people. Yet you don't really _see_ them."

"You set me up on that one! What did you really expect me to see when I looked at him? Look at the way he's dressed, for goodness' sake!" I was getting loud and had to make a concerted effort to lower my voice. "I don't need a lesson in hidden beauty, thank you."

She shook her head at me and was about to open her mouth again, but luckily I was saved by the plump waitress who arrived, dressed in jeans and a t-shirt as well. At least hers seemed to be in better repair than the doctor across the room.

"Evening Betty. Haven't seen you around in a while. How's it going?" the waitress asked as she smiled down at my Grandma. I looked at her name tag and found her name to be April.

"It's going great, April," she said as she returned the woman's smile. "This is my granddaughter, Roxanne. She's visiting me for the summer, all the way from New York City."

April focused on my face and smiled at me. It wasn't one of those forced smiles either. Hers seemed to spread from ear to ear, reaching her eyes and making them seem to sparkle. It was the one of the most genuine smiles I had ever seen in my life. "Welcome to South Carolina, darling. You helping out your grandma this summer on the farm?"

I looked over at Grandma with a look of confusion on my face. Farm? She had a farm? "Um...I didn't know she had a farm," I replied.

April looked over at Grandma and shook her head, deciding that to continue that line of conversation was not going to end well for anyone at the table. "Do you ladies know what you would like for dinner?"

We ordered our food, but I never saw April write anything down on the pad in her hand. Instead, she stayed a few more minutes to chat with Grandma, before leaving with our orders stored somewhere in her head. I looked out the window, watching as a truck pulled into the small parking lot out front.

"I don't expect you to help on the farm Roxanne," she spoke as I stared out the window.

"Good. Because I don't know the first thing about working on a farm," I spoke to the window, not bothering to turn to look at her. For some reason I was offended that she hadn't mentioned anything about a farm since I arrived. Did she think I wasn't capable of hard work? I may have led a pretty privileged life so far, but I was far from soft. Guess that was another thing that she didn't know about me.

I watched as the truck in the lot turned off their lights and the two front doors opened. Moments later, two young men stepped out of the cab. I was taken aback by the one who had been driving. He was tall, but not overly so, and his light blond hair was just long enough to fall in his eyes as he stepped around the hood of the truck. He wore a pair of dark denim jeans that clung to his body, almost like a second skin. His plain white t-shirt was crisp and clean, free of smudges, as if it was fresh out of the package. I could tell, even from this vantage point, that he was stocky, but his body was all muscle. I had a hard time dragging my eyes away from him. Grandma followed my gaze as I continued to stare at the incredible specimen who was now walking towards the front door of the diner.

"You wouldn't be interested in that one," Grandma spoke firmly. I shook myself from my reverie and turned to look at her.

"Who said I was interested?" I replied with feigned indifference.

"The drool on your chin tells me everything I need to know," she laughed and I jumped as the door opened behind me. I couldn't bear to turn around. I had already stared at him, and evidently drooled, as if he was a piece of choice prime rib about to be served.

"Who is he?" I whispered, scared that he would be able to hear me.

No sooner had the words left my mouth than Grandma threw her hand in the air and waved at someone behind me. She had an evil grin on her face, almost as if she was enjoying torturing me. I heard heavy footsteps grow close as someone approached. I looked up as the two young men from the truck stood beside our table, both of them smiling at Grandma.

"Hey there Chase. Brian. I would like to introduce you both to my granddaughter, Roxanne," she said as she waved in my direction.

My jaw dropped as I looked at her for a moment, then I snapped it shut quickly before looking up into the face of one of the most beautiful guys I had ever seen. His angular face, startling blue eyes, and sweet smile caught me off guard. I swallowed, determined not to start drooling now that the object of my intense study stood before me.

"Nice to meet you Roxanne. My name is Chase, and this is my brother, Brian. We work for Betty on her farm," he extended his hand to me, but all I could do was stare at him, mute. I wanted to say something, reach for his hand, anything. But all I could do is continue to stare, slack-jawed like a fish, its mouth gaping open. My brain had apparently gone into shock as well.

He awkwardly cleared his throat and lowered his hand, looking at Grandma who was giggling behind her napkin. His brother paid very little attention to our table, his gaze locked on a pretty young waitress who was serving the doctor his dinner.

"Sorry Chase, it seems that my granddaughter has gone mute," she said as she laughed heartily.

"No worries Betty. I'll see you in the morning, right? Still wanting to get to work bright and early?" he asked as his gaze moved between Grandma and me.

"Yes indeed. Got a lot to get done tomorrow. Go, enjoy your dinner. I would invite y'all to eat with us, but I'm afraid it doesn't look like we would be very good company," she said as she glanced over at me.

I watched all of this as if behind a glass wall. I wanted to be witty and charming, show this Southern boy how lucky he was to be in my presence, but all I could do was smile and stare at him. I had never had this happen before, not even with Ethan Perry, the most popular and good looking guy in school.

Chase said goodnight to Grandma as April brought our food to the table. I couldn't wait for her to walk away so I could grill Grandma about Chase. As soon as they all walked away I was finally able to form a coherent thought.

"Oh my goodness! What just happened?" I exclaimed as I smacked my head down on the table, my embarrassment evident on my face. "I just sat there, staring at him. He probably thinks I'm an idiot!"

"Don't hurt yourself child. Chase is a good guy. I'm sure he'll forget about all of this by the next time you see each other," she spoke before digging into the meatloaf in front of her. "Besides, you might not see him again at all. During the summer he works almost around the clock."

"Yeah, but he works for you! That means I might actually see him again," I replied, chancing a glance at their table. Chase was laughing at something the young waitress was saying as she nonchalantly touched his shoulder. A clear sign of flirtation. Great, I was no competition for an older woman.

"He works on my farm. Ya know, that place that you want nothing to do with?" she replied as she returned her attention to dinner.

There was only one thing to be done then. I would definitely be working on Grandma's farm. I could not spend the entire summer watching Chase from afar. I felt drawn to him, like the proverbial moth that dives head first into the open flame. I knew I would get burned, badly, but my senses wouldn't allow me to think clearly. My new goal for the summer? Spend as much time as possible on the farm, working side by side with the guy of my dreams.

* * * *

As we pulled back into the well-groomed yard I could barely sit still, hoping to make a quick retreat to my room to daydream about Chase. I know, pathetic, but I couldn't seem to focus on anything but him. I had this insane urge to call Amber, but I quickly squashed that thought. It had been less than 12 hours since she ditched me.

Grandma turned the truck off and looked at me, a sad smile on her face. "We need to talk."

"About?" I asked, looking over at her.

"Chase. I want you to stay away from him," she said as she turned to open her door.

"Whoa, what?" I grabbed her hand before she could climb out of the cab of the truck. "Why?"

She sighed, shaking her head back and forth. "He's not like the guys you know back home. He's a sweet boy and I don't want..." She struggled to finish.

"Don't want _what?_ " I snarled. I knew where this was going, but I wanted to hear the words.

"I don't want him to get hurt." The look on her face turned cold and serious. She honestly thought the worst of me, didn't she?

"Seriously? You think _I'm_ going to hurt _him?_ Aren't you supposed to be warning _him_ not to hurt _me?_ " I asked incredulously. Was she serious? She's my grandma, not his, so why was she more worried about his heart? Oh yeah, I forgot. It's hard to feel that fierce protectiveness for someone you don't really know.

"You're only here for three months Roxie. It's not fair to him for you to breeze in, steal his heart, and then shred it into a thousand pieces. He's already been through enough hell for the last year, so please don't make it worse," she said as she got out of the truck and shut the door.

I chased after her, my head swimming with questions. I had a feeling that she wouldn't be very forthcoming with the answers, but I was determined to find out what had happened to him that was so traumatic. I followed her into the living room where she was straightening up the couch pillows.

"Did he get dumped? Did some girl already break his heart? 'Cause that's not what I had in mind for him," I said as I flopped down on the loveseat across from the large couch she insisted on fluffing up.

"No, Roxie. Just forget I said anything," she replied as she sat down on the couch. "Are you all done unpacking? Need any help up there?"

"No way are you getting away with that answer. What is going on?" I leaned forward, my attention focused solely on her.

"It's not my story to tell. Just please, heed my warning. I wouldn't say anything if it wasn't important." She stood up and walked out of the room. I slumped back on the loveseat and stared around the pristine room. Everything in its place, not a speck of dust to be found. I had a fleeting thought as to how she kept the house so clean and ran a farm at the same time, but it was quickly pushed aside as I kept thinking about what she told me. He couldn't be much older than me, so what could have happened that was so terrible?

CHAPTER FOUR

I awoke the next morning to the sounds of birds chirping loudly and a breeze blew through my room. I couldn't remember leaving the window open when I went to bed. I shot up and looked around the room. There was nothing out of place, at least not from what I could tell. The room was still in a state of disarray, boxes scattered all around and clothes stacked on top of the dresser. I had unpacked everything, but I hadn't had a chance to put it all away.

I went downstairs, grabbed a bowl of cereal, and then retreated once again to my room. I sat on the bed and ate in silence, the heat from outside causing a fine sheen of sweat to form on my brow. Once I finished I got to work. As I was putting my things away my phone rang. I grabbed it and found my Dad's face flashing across the screen.

"Hello?" I answered as I sat down on the bed.

"Morning," Dad's voice crackled through the line. "I'm guessing you made it there in one piece."

"Sorry I didn't call last night. I was exhausted by the time we got home from dinner."

No way was I going to tell him that I had been preoccupied with thoughts of a hunky Southern boy. He would have me on the next plane home so fast my head would spin, regardless of the divorce.

"Are you getting settled in?" he asked. His voice was laced with hints of guilt and worry. Good. He deserved to feel guilty for sending me here.

"I'm unpacking. Does that count?"

"Depends. Are you actually putting the stuff away or piling it on random pieces of furniture?"

A loud snort escaped, causing both of us to laugh uncontrollably. It had always amazed me how well my father knew me. If he could see this room now he would probably have a fit. He'd always been anal retentive about cleanliness, which meant I was always grounded because my room usually looked like a tornado had gone through it.

"Totally counts," I reply as the laughter slowly subsided.

We spent a few more minutes talking, but we both skirted the most important topic: the divorce. I told myself it was better this way, that way I can at least pretend that it wasn't happening, especially if I didn't have to talk about it. As we hung up I heard a soft knock on my door. I walked over and opened the door. Grandma was standing there, her clothes completely filthy.

"Eww! You're disgusting!" I backed away from her and brought my hand up to cover my nose. "And you smell terrible!"

She sniffed herself and shrugged. "I don't smell anything. Do you want lunch?"

"After that nostril invasion? No thanks," I replied, my nostrils pinched between my fingers to ward off the offensive odor.

"Suit yourself. I'm heading into town to eat," she said as she walked away. A cloud of funk hovered in the air even after her departure.

I closed the door and turned to look around my prison cell. It's a pretty room, but it was nothing like mine back home. This one was all hugs, kisses, and rainbows, while mine was mature, made up of dark pinks, browns, and teals. Maybe I could talk Grandma into letting me redecorate. Bored out of my mind, I decided to go downstairs and watch a movie. Distraction was the key to surviving my Southern hell.

* * * *

Downstairs didn't turn out to be any more fun. There was only basic cable, no DVD player, and no movies to watch. The only redeeming quality was the floor to ceiling bookshelf packed full of books. I grabbed one that looked good and settled on the sofa. I tried to concentrate but my mind kept straying, constantly replaying everything that had happened thus far.

The betrayal I felt because of Amber was up front and center. Add to that the confusion and anger I still felt towards my parents and their stupid divorce, it was no wonder I couldn't concentrate. Talking to Dad hadn't helped me feel better. If anything it had made me even angrier. I wanted to hate them all, every last one of them, but I knew it wasn't worth it. The damage was done.

After I spent most of the day on the couch, my pajamas were stuck to my body from the heat, so I decided to grab a bath. The large garden tub upstairs sounded really good at that point. As I was running the water I heard the doorbell. I turned the water off and went downstairs, grumbling the whole way. I yanked open the door and stumbled. Standing there was a woman who looked to be about my mom's age. She was dressed in a long, flowing skirt and a simple white t-shirt, while her wrists were covered with an array of different metal bracelets. She reminded me of a hippie, if those actually existed anymore.

"Hi there, you must be Roxanne. I'm Cindy," she said as she extended her hand to me. I didn't grab it; instead I crossed my arms and leaned away from her. "I was a friend of your mother's when she lived here."

"What can I do for you?" I asked, my face frozen in a scowl.

"I heard you were in town and I wanted to meet you. I honestly never thought Angie would have kids. She always swore up and down that she wasn't cut out for motherhood," she said as she continued to smile, my demeanor obviously had not curbed her enthusiasm in the least.

"Well, here I am. In all my glory. Now, what can I do for you?"

She appeared a little shocked by my response and her smile faltered. "Um...well, nothing, I guess," she replied. "Could you just tell your mother that I said hello? I'd love to talk to her again, but Betty made it pretty clear that your mother wasn't interested in dwelling on the past."

"I'll pass that along."

"Okay. Thanks. It was nice to meet you Roxanne," she said as she turned to leave. As she walked down the stairs I quickly closed the front door. I trudged back upstairs and turned the water back on. As I waited for it to fill I removed my clothes and laid out my toiletries. I kept replaying Cindy's words in my mind. So Mom never wanted children? That would explain a lot, actually. She never seemed to really "get" how to be a mother. I had always chalked it up to her incessant need to remain young and carefree.

I stayed in the tub, soaking away my boredom, until I heard the front door slam. Grandma had finally returned home from town. I was surprised that she hadn't spent her day on that wretched farm. Thoughts of the farm conjured images of Chase: sweaty and covered in heaven knows what. While I had never been attracted to guys like him, there was something about his strong hands and their calluses that made me take pause.

I wasn't looking for anything serious with him, that's for sure. He would simply be a nice distraction for the summer. Someone to have fun with and avoid the boredom that was inevitable in this crappy excuse for a town. A knock at the bathroom door pulled me from my wandering thoughts.

"In the bath!" I yelled, hoping she would just walk away. Instead, the door swung open and her wrinkled face popped around the door.

"How long are ya gonna be in there? Company's coming over soon," she said.

"Good for them. I'll be in my room."

She let out a loud sigh. "Hiding in that room isn't healthy. Eventually you're gonna have to come out. Ya know that, right?" she asked.

"This heat isn't healthy. This humidity. The dirt that covers everything. But I'm still stuck here, so healthy went out the window a long time ago."

She shook her head and closed the door. I let out a sigh to match hers and drained the tub. I dressed quickly and returned to my room, and made sure to close and lock the door. I wasn't in the mood to hang out with her _company_. I would rather pull every single one of my teeth out with pliers, without Novocain. Or shut my finger in the truck door repeatedly. Either would be great at this point.

CHAPTER FIVE

The next week went by in a similar fashion. I spent my days sleeping in, reading on the couch, and then retreating to my room as soon as Grandma got home. She hadn't made any more attempts at drawing me out at night, which was a relief. I was beginning to get cabin fever though, which was really bad for someone like me. I was used to being on the go at all times, spending every day with friends.

I spoke to my parents a couple of times throughout the week, but all of our conversations were awkward, filled with long silences. I didn't bother to ask if I could come home. What was the point? They mentioned that a few friends had stopped by since I had left, and I assured them that I was keeping in touch (which I wasn't). They kept saying that this was temporary. I still wasn't sure if they meant where I was at, or what they were doing.

I heard Grandma leave again this morning, but this time my curiosity was piqued. I wondered what she did every day, and who she did it with. I knew she was at the farm, with those beautiful brothers, but what did they do all day? Did they sit around a table at lunch and pretend that life was perfect? Did they ever wonder where I was at that exact time? Probably not. Grandma had given up wondering about me days ago.

I decided that today was a good day to go for a walk. I had no idea where I would go, but anywhere was better than here. I put on my professionally frayed jean skirt, along with my light blue Gucci tank top, and then pulled my hair up in a messy bun. After I slipped my feet into a pair of wedges, I grabbed my cell phone and dashed out of the house.

I walked out to the main road and started in the direction I hoped would lead me to town. The trees that I had loved so much when we first got here were even more breathtaking than before. There was something so serene about their presence. I felt calm and free as I lifted my eyes to the sky. The sun's rays were peeking through, creating a splendid pattern of light and dark on the asphalt beneath my feet.

An hour later I finally found what I had been looking for. My feet were tired and throbbing, but I kept going. I began to second guess my decision to wear my wedges, and the throbbing pain in my right ankle seemed to reinforce that assessment. It seemed that my life was filled with those a lot, especially lately. I found a bench on the side of the road, right in front of Mel's Hardware, and sat down. I kicked off my shoes and wiggled my toes in the air. I had no idea how I would make it back to the house in those shoes.

As I sat there I watched as people went about their daily lives, smiles plastered on their faces as if they didn't have a care in the world. If only I could be that carefree. No one's life was perfect, and I wasn't delusional enough to think that theirs were, but it didn't stop me from feeling a tiny bit jealous of their happiness. The sound of a door slamming behind me caused my head to jerk in the direction, finding a familiar face standing there, bags in hand.

I hadn't seen Brian since that night at the diner and I had forgotten how good looking he was. Dressed in his work clothes, dirt covered him from head to toe, but he still looked good. Nowhere near as enticing as Chase, but good looking in his own right. He smiled at me and approached where I was sitting. I smiled back before turning my head towards the road, slipping my feet back into my shoes. He sat down beside me and I caught the scent of sweat and patchouli.

"Roxanne, right?" he asked as he looked at me, that smile holding firm.

"Roxie," I replied, not meeting his eyes.

"Sorry. Roxie," he said. "Whatcha doing out here?"

"Baking cookies," I replied with a laugh. He laughed with me, which was a good sign.

"Sounds delicious. Let me know how that works out for ya," he replied as he stood up. "Need a ride home?"

"No," I shook my head as I spoke. "I'm just taking a break before I get back to exploring this fine town you have here."

"How will you get back home?" he asked, concern lined his face.

"The same way I got here. Walk."

"That's quite a long walk. You sure you don't want a ride?"

"And miss out on all the sights in this bustling metropolis? Never," I said with a mocking tone.

"Well, I've got some time before I have to get back to work. Want a tour?" he asked as he set his bag down on the ground.

"Wouldn't want to keep you from anything."

"I don't have to be back at Betty's for another hour or so. Come on, let me show you around. It would kill me if you got lost your first time alone in town. Besides, it's inbred in me to adhere to the Southern hospitality guidelines."

I really was tired, so I agreed to let him show me around. We walked to his truck around the corner to put his bag up and then we made our way back to Main Street. From where I stood there wasn't much to see, meaning this would be over quickly. He pointed out every store that we passed by and gave me a heads up as to which ones to avoid. Evidently the Waffle House at the end of the street was a breeding ground for roaches. The thought alone made me gag and I swore, right then and there, to never go in.

When we got to the end of the street I had seen pretty much everything that the town had to offer. It shocked me that there was so little to do here. I mean, even small towns had _something_ for young people to do, right?

"So, no movie theater. No mall. No nail salon. What the hell am I supposed to do here?" I asked him as we walked back to his truck.

"Well, we're about an hour away from the beach. Does that count?" he replied with a half-smile. I hadn't meant to offend him, but I was truly in shock that there wasn't more to do.

"Really? That close? Hmmm....maybe I can talk Grandma into letting me borrow the truck," I replied, hope finally blossoming within me.

He laughed loudly and then struggled to get himself back under control. "Good luck with that. Betty doesn't let anyone drive that truck."

I shrugged and kept walking. He obviously didn't know how persuasive I could be when I really wanted something. That's how I convinced Dad to buy me that Prada purse a couple of months earlier. All I had to do was bat my eyes and he was putty in my hands. I had been taught by my mother, a master of manipulation.

When we reached his truck he opened my door for me with a gentlemanly bow, causing me to laugh, loudly. He smiled and chuckled then closed the door, shaking his head all the way to the other side. Once we were on the road back to the house he spoke again.

"Did you want to head to the farm with me? Or back to Betty's?"

"The house, please. I'm hoping to avoid that stink pit for as long as possible," I replied, turning to look at him. My words caused a frown to mar his face. "Nothing against anyone who works there. It's just not for me."

"Ya know, just cause you say no offense, doesn't mean someone won't take offense," he replied, his eyes never leaving the road. "You really have no interest in finding out what makes Betty tick? What she loves the most in this world?"

I ignored him and turned my attention to the road as well. Of course I wanted to see what the farm was like, but how could I go there and watch as she carefully tended to her precious farm? It's crazy to feel jealous of a place, but deep down I had a lot of resentment for that plot of land. It had been Grandma's excuse as to why she could never come visit us in New York. At least, that's what I had been told.

The farm had meant more to her than my mother or me. And for that reason I hated the farm. I had no reason to go there. Well...other than the idea of seeing Chase again. Just the thought of him brought butterflies to my stomach and caused my cheeks to flame. I glanced over at Brian who was still oblivious. Thank goodness he hadn't been privy to my inner-most thoughts. I could just imagine him telling Chase all about my sordid thoughts and daydreams. I hadn't even spoken a word to him and yet his face was always there, taunting me.

He dropped me off at home a few minutes later. I thanked him for the ride and the tour, and then quickly made my way into the house. My feet screamed at me as I slipped off my shoes, demanding a nice soak in the tub. I grabbed a book from the bookshelf and made my way upstairs. As soon as I was submerged in the tub my cell phone began to ring. I dried off my hands and grabbed it from the nearby counter, quickly answering the unknown number.

"Hello?"

"Roxie? It's Brian. Betty wanted me to tell you that she won't be home for dinner tonight. She's taking everyone to the diner instead," he spoke quickly, the twang in his voice making it hard to understand.

"Umm...okay. Can you ask her to bring me something home?" I replied, the disappointment evident in my voice.

"Sure thing," he replied and hung up quickly.

I stared at the phone for a moment, and then dropped it back on the counter. Let them go eat dinner together and enjoy each other's company. It didn't bother me. Not one single bit. Well...maybe a little bit. Why hadn't they invited me to go with them? I mean, Grandma was supposed to be taking care of me, right? So why did she not even bother to include me in her dinner plans? Maybe it was time for me to stop wallowing in my own anger and pain.

I'm not saying that I wanted to become a full-time laborer for her on the farm, but maybe I could at least go there and help a little bit. Nothing too strenuous though considering there wasn't a nail salon anywhere near here. I had spent too much money on these beautiful nails to let them be ruined by hard labor. I closed my eyes and dunked my head underwater, my mind wandering as I relaxed. Later. I would deal with all of this later.

CHAPTER SIX

I heard when Grandma got home later, the front door rattling as she slammed it. Her heavy footsteps immediately pounded up the stairs and moments later there was a loud knock at the door. Before I had a chance to say anything she was already opening the door, a bag of food in hand. She walked over and set it on the desk and then turned to leave. She looked really angry which I didn't think was possible.

"Hey, what's wrong?" I called out to her as she stood in the doorway.

"Nothing you need to worry about," she replied and walked out. I heard her door slam moments later. I had no idea what could have made her so mad, and no idea how to approach her. Would she even want to talk to me? What if I was the reason she was so upset?

I got up and went to her room. My hands shook as I raised my fist to knock. The door was snatched open and there stood Grandma, her eyes swollen and red. I took a step back, unsure what to say.

"Umm...are you...I mean-" I tried to find the words, but she raised her hand for me to stop.

"I'm fine," she said. "Nothing you need to worry about." She started to close the door but I quickly stepped forward to stop her.

"What's going on?" I asked.

She let out a loud sigh as her shoulders slumped. "Kate quit today. She got an early admission to USC. And that would be the University of South Carolina, just in case you were wondering."

"And that's bad, why?" I asked, utterly confused.

"She was a volunteer, Roxie. And a vital part of the team. I can't afford to hire anyone else right now. Not to mention that there aren't many teens out there willing to give up their summer to help out an old woman." She leaned against her bedroom door, her head dropping back with a thud.

"So...you need help? But instead of asking your _granddaughter_ , you cry yourself into oblivion?" I asked, getting more and more upset. Did she really think I wasn't capable of helping?

"You have made it perfectly clear that you want nothing to do with the farm. Or me, for that matter. Why would I ask you?" she replied.

She had a valid point, which made me feel even worse. Sure, she and I had our issues, and I still harbored quite a bit of resentment, but she hadn't even bothered to ask me. She couldn't possibly know that I would say no. I shook my head and backed away. I walked back to my room and shut the door. I walked over to the window and stared out, my eyes searching the clear sky above. I deserved to feel this way, I knew that, so why did it hurt so much? I had never liked letting people down before, but it seemed inevitable when it came to Grandma.

I couldn't compare to her, or my mother, especially when they both know where their roots could be found. Grandma had known what she wanted from the time she was a child. She hadn't fought to figure out what she would do for the rest of her life. Mom...well, she'd known from a young age that her future wasn't here. She left the first chance she got. But me? I didn't feel like I was at home here, but when I thought about going back to New York, I couldn't picture life there either.

I envied Grandma for being so certain about what she wanted. Hell, I envied Mom too, but she was just as screwed up as I was, so that seemed ridiculous. Maybe everyone was right. Maybe I needed to let everything go for a while and just enjoy what was here. I wasn't used to hard labor, but that didn't mean that I couldn't help Grandma, right? It was worth a shot, especially if it gave me an excuse to get out of the house. And of course a chance to ogle Chase, but that's neither here nor there.

CHAPTER SEVEN

I ambushed Grandma in the kitchen the next morning as she prepared to leave the house to head to the farm. The shock on her face was worth waking up at four in the morning. Without coffee. I was sitting at the kitchen table munching on some toast and eggs that I had fixed as I had waited for her to make her way downstairs.

"Roxie, what in the world are you doing up?" she asked after she swung through the western doors that separated her beautiful kitchen from the front of the house. She grabbed a piece of toast off of my plate and popped it into her mouth, smiling as she chewed.

"I'm going with you to the farm," I said as I casually picked at the food on my plate.

"I didn't tell you all of that last night just so you would help," she said as she sat down across from me, a sigh escaping as she studied my face.

"Good, cause that's not why I'm helping," I replied as I stood and placed my still full plate in the kitchen sink. I turned to look at her and there was a look of disbelief there, along with a hint of uncertainty.

"Huh...well, okay," she stood and stared down at me. "If you're coming to work then you better go change your clothes. Wouldn't want you messin' up those nice clothes." She nodded down at my expertly ripped jeans, lace covered pink tank top, and sparkly pink ballet flats.

I flashed my biggest smile and raced out of the kitchen. I hit the stairs running and found myself standing in front of my closet in no time. I rummaged through my clothes, hoping to find something suitable to "work" in, but came up empty. All of my clothes carried expensive labels, proving Grandma's point that I hadn't done a hard day's work my entire life. I settled on a pair of black yoga pants from Abercrombie and a white tank top from Saks. Sure, they were expensive, but they were the most casual clothes I owned. Looking through my shoes I felt at a loss.

"Are you almost ready?" I jumped when I heard Grandma's voice at the door. I clutched my chest as I spun around to face her.

"You scared the sh...Crap out of me!" I tried to calm my breathing. After a short moment I was finally able to speak again. "I don't have any shoes to wear. I don't own tennis shoes or boots."

"You're about a size 8, right?" I nodded in response. "Come on, you can borrow a pair of my work boots. They're not nearly as cute as those little flaps of material you had on earlier, but they will protect your feet."

She left the room in a hurry, so I followed quickly, grabbing a pair of socks from my drawer on the way out of the room. I hurried down the stairs, trailing her as she moved gracefully out of my line of vision. For an old lady she sure moved fast. I found her in the "mud room," as she called it. Evidently it was a room built for the sole purpose of removing your muddy shoes so you didn't track dirt through the house. Go figure. Another interesting factoid to take home with me at the end of the summer.

"Here, try these. And hurry. We're already running late," she said as she handed me a pair of light brown boots, laces running up the front, and mud covering the bottom half of the shoe. I made a concerted effort not to turn my nose up at them as I took them from her. This day was just getting better and better.

* * * *

Turns out that the farm wasn't far from the main house after all, but Grandma insisted on driving her truck over, confident we would need the vehicle later on to haul materials around the land. A short, five minute drive brought us to yet another open expanse of land. A large red barn stood off to the side, its doors flung wide open in greeting. I scanned the surrounding land, and noticed large areas of fenced in land with a wide variety of animals grazing lazily. Cows, pigs, and goats took up most of my line of vision, with what I assumed was a rather large hen house off to the side, also fenced in.

We parked beside another truck that sat only a few feet from the barn. I followed her lead; jumping out of the truck with what I hoped was an air of confidence. I took a deep breath and instantly regretted doing that. The smell surrounding us was awful. It smelled of wild animals and manure, (go figure) a mix of scents that made the contents of my stomach churn, threatening to revolt. A slight gagging noise escaped and Grandma looked over at me, laughter filling the air around us.

"Lovely smell isn't it?" she asked with a wide grin. She didn't bother to wait for my response, instead headed in the direction of the open barn. She disappeared within its walls as I stood there, staring blankly at where she once was, trying to breathe through my mouth. What had I signed up for? This was nothing like I thought it would be. Sure, I knew there were animals on a farm, but did they have to smell so bad? I thought that there was someone whose job it was to keep the area clean, keeping the smell of animal to a minimum? Maybe I had been wrong about that as well.

I followed Grandma's lead, walking through the wide mouth of the barn, where the smell became stronger as I made my way into the dirty barn. I was brought up short by what I saw. The entire barn was filled with stalls, each housing a different horse. Off to the right was a small office, enclosed in glass, which looked completely out of place within the wooden structure. I spotted Grandma sitting behind her desk, chatting with someone off to the side. I couldn't make out who it was from this angle, so I stayed where I was, taking in the sights and smells around me. The smell wasn't pleasant, at all, but the longer I stood there, the easier it became to bear.

My curiosity finally got the best of me and I decided to do some looking around. I strolled down the center of the building, glancing in each stall as I passed. There were horses of every shade and size, all of them staring at me as if I was an alien to them. I guess I was, to be honest. I had never seen a horse in person before, well, unless you counted the mounted police that trolled Central Park back home. They would never let anyone close to them though; obviously worried that even the slightest touch from a civilian would cause the horse to go into panic mode.

I made it to the last stall on the right and stopped, unable to look away. The horse was beautiful; its body was a silky black color, its hair braided with the most beautiful red ribbon I had ever seen. Its eyes stared back at me, almost as if they were searching my soul for the answer as to who I was. I would have kept on staring if it hadn't been for the sound of someone clearing their throat behind me. I whirled around and found who had intruded on our intimate moment.

Startling blue eyes peered down at me, combined with a beautiful set of straight, white teeth, smiling wide. He was even more gorgeous than I remembered. I could feel my brain shut down as I scanned him from head to toe, taking in his dirty tank top and even filthier jeans. As I considered the state of his clothes, I couldn't believe that I still felt an immense attraction to him.

"Her name's Lulu. She's a real beauty, isn't she?" he asked as he continued to smile down at me. I continued to gaze at him, unable to form words. I nodded instead. "You're not much of a talker, are ya?"

"Y-y-yes," I stammered. "I mean...what?"

"Betty told me that you volunteered to help muck out the stalls today. Are ya ready to get to work?" he asked.

"What?" I had no idea what he was talking about, but from the glint in his eye and the little smile on his face, I knew it couldn't be good. "I have no idea what that is."

"It means clean out the stalls that the horses are housed in," he replied, his smile growing wider as he stared at me. "You're new to all this, aren't ya?"

"What gave you a clue?" I couldn't hide the sarcastic tone in my voice. Great, the first time I was finally able to form a coherent thought and I acted like a total witch. Great impression I've made on him so far.

"It's not that bad, I promise. Kate used to handle this, but with her early admission to USC...well, we're glad to have your help," he said as he handed me a large, dirty pitch fork. I held it away from me, unable to hide the disgust that I felt.

"I don't think so. I didn't sign up to be the resident pooper scooper," I replied, putting my hand on my hip, dropping the disgusting tool on the ground as I looked up at him.

He laughed. The sound was like music to my ears. I never knew that the sound of laughter could make me feel so full of light. When he laughed it was as if the angels sang directly in my head. I was stunned into silence; all bravado disappeared in the presence of his happiness. I knew that my mouth had gone slack again, but this time I couldn't stop myself. I'm sure he believed I was a complete idiot after yet another disastrous meeting.

"Roxanne! Where are ya girl?" I heard Grandma as she called me from the other end of the barn. I looked behind Chase to see her walk over to us, a stern look on her face as she quickly made her way to where we stood. As she came to stand before me I shook off my stupor and smiled at her.

"Hi Grandma. Everything okay?" I asked, an innocent look plastered on my face.

"I've got to head into town for a while. Chase here will give you a list of duties for today and explain how to handle them. I want you to listen to everything he says 'cause he's in charge until I get back," she said as she turned to face the blue-eyed angel standing between us. "Make sure she doesn't break anything, will ya?"

"Yes ma'am. I'll keep the doctor on speed dial," he smiled at her, his pearly white teeth flashed once again.

Grandma let out a loud guffaw, startling me. "I meant my farm. But yeah, keep an eye on her as well. Never know what will happen when the city folk come around."

"Hey! I'm thinking I should be seriously offended right now," I huffed, my indignation clear to both of them.

They both laughed at me before Grandma walked away, my attention focused on her retreating backside. Once she was out of the building I returned my attention to Chase to find him staring down at me with no hint of humor left in his eyes. All I found was a glimmer of pity. I didn't need or want his pity, or anyone else's for that matter. I could handle this, no problem.

"What's first on that list, oh great one?" I asked.

He handed me the pitchfork as he bent at the waist, bowing to me in what I could only guess was supposed to be a humorous way. I gripped the wooden handle and raised my eyebrows at the foreign object in my hands. He laughed heartily as he walked away, leaving me to my job as the summer pooper scooper. I wondered if getting close to him was worth all of this.

* * * *

By the time Grandma returned three hours later I was exhausted. I cleaned horse poo out of the stalls all day and my arms were screaming at me. I was drenched in sweat and the smell that clung to my body was even more repulsive than that of the animals. She laughed when she saw me, not bothering to ask how I was doing, she simply walked back into her office and closed the door.

I glanced at the clock on the wall above her office and noticed that it was only 10 o'clock. I had already been up for six hours, working for most of that time, and I was already worn out. I had no idea how Chase and his brother were able to handle this kind of work. In fact, I hadn't seen Brian all day, which made me wonder if he had come to work with Chase today or not.

I finished up the last stall, removing the soiled straw from the ground and replacing it with a fresh, clean covering. As I put my tools up I noticed Chase standing at Grandma's office door, his hand raised to knock. He glanced at me, smiled, and returned his attention to his task. He rapped lightly on the door and waited for her to open it. Instead, she called out for him to enter and he disappeared inside, closing the door behind him.

I walked by, briefly glancing into the office, before heading outside. The fresh air was incredible. It was as if I could finally breathe again. The air was fresh and inviting, urging me to leave the confines of the barn to explore the world around me. I was dirty, sweaty, and smelled like I had spent the day wallowing in horse manure, but I felt something else as well. Satisfaction.

CHAPTER EIGHT

I crawled into bed that night after a long hot bath, barely able to keep my eyes open. Grandma let me off the hook for the rest of the day; thank goodness, because I seriously doubted that I would have been able to make it up the stairs if she hadn't. She was right though. I had never worked that hard in my life. My days had always consisted of shopping with Amber, going to movies, and partying in the Hamptons. We even had a maid, so I never had to do any housework either. I could officially say that I had been a pampered princess, and up until now, I had thought there was no better way to live.

I had never felt this level of satisfaction after a long day of shopping. Sure, I would come home with my arms loaded down with shopping bags, goodies overflowing their tops, but I had never truly known what it felt like to earn anything. Today I earned my sore muscles, and tomorrow I would do it again. Well, that was, if my body allowed me to.

As I closed my eyes I heard my phone vibrate on my nightstand. The noise shattered my peaceful moment of reflection and jarred me out of my sleepy stupor. I reached for the phone and was shocked to find Amber's picture displayed on the screen. I couldn't imagine what she had to say after the last time we talked, but a part of me was still missing her, so I answered it.

"What?" I snapped.

"Well hello to you too," she sounded nervous. Good, she should be after the way she treated me. "How are you doing Rox?"

"Peachy. What do you want Amber?" I sat up in bed, my grip tightening around my phone as I tried to keep my voice from crumbling.

"Look, I'm sorry about the other day. I am a rotten human being, and I don't deserve your forgiveness, but I'm hoping that you can find it in your heart to forgive me," she rushed the words out, barely breathing between each syllable.

I felt conflicted. I couldn't tell if she was being sincere, or if she was simply trying to appease me. With Amber, you could never tell one way or the other. I had always known that she was a superficial girl, but I believed that she actually cared about me as a friend. I mean, how can you know someone for your entire life and not care about them?

"I don't know..." I started but as soon as I heard her sigh I knew that she wasn't sincere. "Scratch that. I don't forgive you. You ditched me for a bunch of people that you barely know, and hardly tolerate. I have never treated you like that..."

I heard the click of the call disconnecting and knew that she had hung up on me. I stared at the phone in my hands, unsure of what just happened. Why would she call me just to act like a brat again? Did she really think that I could just forget everything, acting like it was alright and just accept her apology? She had treated me like I didn't matter enough to blow off a stupid party. I couldn't be expected to just ignore that, could I?

Tomorrow was approaching at a rapid pace, and I knew I should get to sleep, but my mind refused to switch off and allow me to relax, not after that phone call. I tossed and turned the entire night. My body ached, my muscles screaming for relief, but it seemed that once again my head won out. I had lost so much since leaving New York, and yet I had gained so much more in the process. I just hoped that it would be enough.

* * * *

I was up early again the next morning, my body screaming even more than it had the night before. I had never felt this kind of pain before. I gave serious consideration to staying home today, but I knew that if I did then Grandma would have something to hold over my head for the rest of summer. No, I had to prove to her, and to myself, that I could handle the job. Hell, I had a feeling that Chase thought the same thing as well, and no way could I let him think I'm pampered on top of being a ridiculous nit wit.

I slowly climbed out of bed, gingerly placing my feet on the hardwood floor, and rubbed my hands up and down my arms. I got dressed as quickly as my sore body would allow me to and grabbed a pair of socks from my dresser before heading out of my room. The house was eerily quiet, which was unexpected since Grandma should have been up and moving by now. I walked down the hall to her door and knocked gently. There was no answer so I quietly turned the knob and pushed the door open.

Her room was as pristine as the rest of the house. Her bed was already made, the throw pillows expertly arranged at the top of her bed. Her bedside table was clear and dust free, no sign of clutter to be found. I remembered seeing my mom's back home and all of the little trinkets she kept beside her bed. She was a true clutter bug, but her room was the only place that Dad would allow her free reign. I glanced at the bathroom door that connected her room to the master bath, but it was open, the lights off.

I shook my head and backed out of her room again. I closed the door and moved down the hall to the stairs once again. When I made it downstairs I was once again shocked to find all of the lights off, no sound reverberated through the house. I walked to the front door and peered outside; I looked for her truck, but it was gone. The old bat had left me here! I couldn't believe that she left me here, especially after I told her last night that I would definitely be going back with her today. A few sore muscles weren't going to stop me from proving myself.

I grabbed my hoodie off of the coat rack by the door, slipped Grandma's work boots on my feet, and stomped out the front door. I slammed the door behind me, unable to control my anger. I had a general idea of where I was headed, but since I had only been there one time, I would have to be careful to follow the dirt road the way we drove the day before. Sure, it would be taking the longer route to where I was going, but I had no idea how to make it to the barn any other way.

The walk took me twenty minutes, and by the time I arrived I was drained. Yesterday's workout still lingered in my body, causing my strength to crumble quite easily. Once the barn came into view I immediately perked up. All of the anger and indignation had brewed during my walk over and I was ready to explode. I angrily stomped into the barn and glanced into the glass office, but Grandma was not there this time. I looked through the rest of the barn but she was not there either.

As I walked out of the barn I finally found the object of my rage. There she was, walking towards the two trucks parked out front, while Chase and Brian walked on either side of her. I stomped towards them, meeting them halfway. The smiles on their faces gradually dissolved when they saw the fire burning in my eyes.

"What the hell? Why did you leave me at home Grandma?" I yelled at her. I couldn't control the spew of venom, and at this point, there wasn't any point trying to. "I _told_ you last night that I would come with you today!"

"Whoa, calm down Roxie. There's no-" Chase began but I immediately cut him off.

"Stay out of this. This is family business, and you're not family," I growled at him. I turned my attention away from him, but not before I saw the hurt flash in his eyes.

"You listen here, young lady! Chase and Brian are _both_ part of _my_ family, so if you wish to be included in that category, I would watch that haughty tone of yours _now_." I could practically see the anger as it boiled off of her, becoming nearly tangible in the early morning light of the day.

"So that's how it is? You are quick to stick up for them, to protect them, but to hell with me? I'm your flesh and blood! Your one and only grandchild, but I guess that doesn't mean much when you have these two," I pointed my fingers between Chase and Brian, "here instead. Fine, I don't want any part of this."

I quickly whirled around and started to run away from them, refusing to let them see the tears that began to fall from my eyes. I angrily wiped them away as I jogged back to the dirt road that would lead me back to the house. I hadn't made it very far when I heard footsteps approaching from behind. I spun back around, my eyes full of tears and malice, and came face to face with Chase. I was far too angry to be in awe of his appearance this time.

"Don't. You. Dare." I pointed my finger at him, vigorously shaking my head back and forth. "You have no right to follow me. Just leave me alone."

"I just wanted to make sure you were okay. Betty can get a lil bit over protective of us sometimes," he said as he carefully approached me, his hands raised in front of him as if to calm down a raging animal. I guess I did resemble one at that moment. "She loves you. I mean, really loves you. The whole week before you arrived she could do nothing else but talk about you and how wonderful it would be to have you here."

"Could have fooled me, that's for sure," I said. I knew I was acting like a child, possibly even trying to pull some complimentary information from him, but at that moment I couldn't have cared less.

He shook his head as he lowered his hands, shoving them deep into the pockets of his faded blue jeans. "You have no idea how lucky you are Roxie. Betty is incredible. I would give anything to truly be a part of her family, not just an honorary member."

I stared at him, unsure what to say. Sure, everyone knew how great Grandma was, especially me, but did he have to remind me? In comparison to her, I was nothing. There was no way that I could ever live up to her legacy, or her expectations. Taking my silence as the end of the conversation, he turned to walk away. I had a moment's panic as I realized he was about to leave. A part of me wanted him to stay, to have him attempt to calm me more, but another part wanted to throttle him for being so damn sweet and caring. I had never met anyone like him before. Maybe that's why Grandma had tried to warn me away from him.

"Wait," I started to reach for him, but when he turned and faced me I let my hand drop. "I don't exactly know how to ask this...but why does Grandma treat you like you're breakable?"

A brief flicker of sadness crossed his face so fast that I wasn't sure I just imagined it. He ran a calloused hand through his hair as he raised his eyes to meet mine. "I'm not sure what you mean. She treats me like she does everyone else."

How could I tell him what Grandma had told me the first day without revealing that I had been searching for a way to get closer to him? "I mean, she um, she told me to stay away from you." Like a Band-Aid, I figured it would be better to just make it quick and hopefully painless.

"She told you to stay away from me? Why? Were you planning on kicking me or something?" he asked, only half joking.

I could barely look him in the eye. "Just forget I said anything." I turned and walked away, leaving him standing there, unsure how to proceed. I couldn't look at him anymore. Every time I spared him a glance he looked like a whipped puppy. One that had been beaten with a rolled up newspaper one too many times.

When I reached the house I was tired again. Guess I should have just stayed home today. But no, I had to try and prove a point, which I had failed at miserably. As I approached the front door to the house I noticed someone sitting in one of the rocking chairs, a book firmly clutched in her petite hands. She must have heard my approach because her attention was instantly riveted upon me. Her gaze slid from the top of my head, taking in my unruly curls as they stuck out in every direction, to the mud covered boots that covered my aching feet.

As I moved up the front stairs a smile lit up her face. I took in her relaxed appearance. She had dark, curly brown hair, pulled back in a messy ponytail, and light brown eyes resembling the color of honey. I tried to return her smile, but only managed a pained grimace. It didn't seem to faze her at all. She put her book down and walked towards me, her hand outstretched.

"Hi there! You must be Roxanne, Betty's granddaughter. I'm Katy. I live next door," she said as I gripped her hand lightly. I scanned the surrounding wooded area and looked back at her, completely perplexed. "Oh, well, not technically right next door. My house is about a mile down the road. But I am your closest neighbor."

I nodded and stepped back, unsure what to make of her. This kind of friendliness was unheard of where I grew up. Sure, I made friends easily at school, but none of them would have gone out of their way to greet a neighbor, especially a stranger. I bet they didn't even know their neighbor's names.

"Nice to meet you?" It came out as a question, but she didn't seem to notice. If anything, her smile grew even bigger. I didn't know someone could smile that wide without something cracking.

"Betty tells me that you'll be here all summer. It's so great to see a new face around here. I've known everyone around here my entire life, and while they're awesome and all, sometimes ya need a new face. Ya know?" Her quick speech made my head spin as I struggled to keep up. It wasn't so much the speed, as the accent that came with it. Her voice was straight out of "Gone with the Wind".

"Sure. I guess," I replied as I made to move around her and head in the house. Before I could grasp the door handle I heard a very distinct male voice call my name. I turned, already sure of who it would be. Hasn't he ever heard of a dramatic exit?

"I see you've met Chase already," Katy said as I stared at Chase while he crossed the yard. It might have been my imagination, but I could have sworn I heard a twinge of jealousy in her tone.

"Yes, we've met," I groaned, sure this was not going to end well. The look on his face was not one of anger as I had expected. He looked sad. Didn't this boy ever wear a different expression?

"Hey Katy, nice to see you." Chase gave her a small smile and from the look on her face she was already melting. Yep, she had it bad for him. No wonder she didn't seem overjoyed that I had already made his acquaintance. "Would you mind if I spoke to Roxie for a moment? In private?"

She slapped her dazzling smile back on her face and nodded. "Of course. You two have fun. I'm going to head home and see if Momma needs any help with lunch." She strolled down the stairs, almost bouncing, and never looked back as she made a quick getaway.

I looked at Chase and the smile was already gone. Crap. "You're not going to let it go, are you?"

"Not a chance. Why did Betty tell you to stay away from me? I mean...I thought she trusted me. I would never do anything to harm you. Never." He spoke so vehemently, never breaking eye contact, and my heart filled with shame. He thought Grandma was trying to protect me, not him. I couldn't let him continue to think that.

"It has nothing to do with you hurting me," I paused, my nerves threatening to get the better of me. "She was worried about you getting hurt...by me."

He stared at me for a long moment before bursting out laughing. "Seriously? How could you possibly hurt me?"

I looked him straight in the eye, hoping to find the strength to answer him, but in the end I diverted my eyes. I was not going to tell him that part. Some things are better kept a secret. "How should I know? You know her better than I do, so you ought to know."

"Well I don't," he replied, a smile creeping back onto his face. "I'll talk to her about it. Get everything straightened out, once and for all."

"No," I replied quickly. I must have surprised him as he jerked back a little bit. "Please. I'll talk to her. Don't worry about it."

He stared at me again, those blue eyes searching my face, before settling on my lips. His eyes seemed to blur slightly as his tongue briefly flicked over his full lower lip. As I watched him, I felt a flutter in reaction. He seemed to realize that he was staring and rapidly raised his gaze, looking me once more in the eyes. "I can't promise not to worry, but I'll leave you to it." He turned to walk away but turned back to face me. "And if it's any consolation, I don't want you to stay away from me."

He smiled devilishly before sauntering off again. Whoa! Well, that was interesting. I swear I could still feel his eyes as they caressed my face, as physical as the touch of a hand. And those lips! When his tongue snaked out, moistening his lip, I seriously thought I was going to melt right there. Grandma would find nothing left of me but a quivering puddle on the front porch. He had to know what kind of effect he had on me. Hell, the effect he had on all females.

Something told me he wasn't as oblivious as he wanted everyone to believe. My interest was definitely piqued now and no amount of scolding from Grandma was going to keep me away from him. I would just have to keep Grandma out of the loop as much as possible. For the entire summer, if need be.

CHAPTER NINE

The rest of the week was a blur of sore, aching muscles from working on the farm and long nights filled with naughty dreams, with Chase taking center stage. I didn't get anymore one on one time with him during the week, which I'm sure was Grandma's doing, but I wasn't going to let that deter me. Katy had come around a couple of times as well, but she rarely stayed long. She seemed focused on Chase, and my connection with him, but I repeatedly steered her away from the topic. Especially when Grandma was around.

With the weekend finally upon us, I was given a brief reprieve. Evidently Grandma didn't believe in working on the weekend and hired people to deal with the farm in her absence. It was a relief to be able to sleep past five for the first time in a while. The only problem? I had no idea what to do with myself during the day. There wasn't exactly a roaring nightlife, not even in town, which meant that I would have to find some way to entertain myself.

I contemplated calling Katy, but quickly thought better. I knew she would only want to know what Chase and I had said to each other during the week, or if he had mentioned her in passing. I didn't have the heart to tell her that he hadn't even spoken her name since that day on the porch. I have been called many things during my life, but heartless wasn't one of them.

As I made my way downstairs, still in my pajamas and my hair wild, I heard voices coming from the kitchen. I couldn't quite make out who it was, well, besides my Grandma's loud guffaw which I was sure could be heard for miles around. I looked down at my clothes and shrugged. Whoever it was would just have to get over it. I have always lived in my pajamas on the weekend. If they didn't like it, oh well.

I pushed through the doors to the kitchen and immediately stopped. Three sets of eyes immediately latched onto me, but only one pair caught my attention. Seated around the table was Grandma, Brian, and of course, Chase. Our eyes connected, a smile creeping up his face, which caused my heart to sputter. He truly was one of the most beautiful guys I had ever seen. I was having a hard time getting past that point. How could such a small act cause such a strong reaction within me? Voodoo. Had to be. Yep. That's what I was going with.

I broke eye contact and walked over to the cabinet to grab a glass. I took my time filling it with water as I felt eyes boring into my back. I turned and raised the glass to my lips, taking small sips as I glanced at the kitchen's current occupants. Grandma looked over at me, laughter filling her aging eyes again. She reminded me so much of Mom in that moment. Both of them had an easy mischief that seemed to consume them.

"Mornin' sleepy head. How're ya feeling today?" she asked as she lifted her cup of coffee to take a sip.

I slid into the chair beside her and set my glass down. "I'm great, thank you. And yourself?" If she wanted to play that game then I could definitely play along.

"Never better. Chase and Brian came by this morning to bring me some fresh sausage from Denny's Farm down the road. Wasn't that sweet of them?" she asked, her eyebrows rose at me, daring me to disagree.

"Peachy," I replied with a saccharine smile. I didn't dare look over at the guys seated across from us. I knew I wouldn't be able to prevent a blush from rising if I became ensnared in his eyes again.

"I won't keep ya Ms. Betty. I've got to head home and see if Momma's okay," said Brian as he stood up to leave. "If you're still having trouble with the truck tomorrow, just give me a holler. I can come over and take a look at it for ya."

"Thank you Brian. You're a lifesaver. Tell your momma I said hello and that she should come by soon. I'm thinking of reinstating Sunday dinners around here," she said as she stood as well.

He nodded and they both walked out of the kitchen, leaving Chase and I behind. Alone. I ran my finger delicately along my glass of water, playing with the condensation that had gathered on the outside of the glass. I knew I was fidgeting, but I couldn't control myself. There was something so unnerving about this boy!

"I like your jammies. It's been a long time since I've seen so many colors throw up on someone's clothes." I looked up at him, prepared to voice my outrage, but his smile disarmed me once again. He was taunting me, trying to get a rise out of me and damn if he hadn't come close to succeeding. I wouldn't let him win.

"Thank you. I like your outfit as well. I have to say, Redneck Chic suits you quite well," I replied, my sugary-sweet smile still firmly in place.

"Ya haven't heard? It's the latest trend. I can help ya catch up, if ya want?"

Caught off guard, I laughed out loud, covering my mouth quickly, trying hard to suppress the snort that I was sure was about to escape. His own masculine laughter joined with mine, mingling and building, until both of us were clutching our sides. I hadn't had a good laugh in...well, forever. I heard the doors to the kitchen swing open again and glanced up as Grandma entered the room. She looked between us, her eyes searching for what had caused our raucous laughter.

"I always miss the funny. Wanna fill me in?" she asked as she pulled a package of fresh sausage out of the fridge and slapped it on the counter.

"It seems that our dear Chase here is a fashion guru. He has offered to help me learn the ins and outs of his style," I replied as I looked over at Grandma. She scowled at me, but I continued anyway. "It seems that my style isn't to his liking."

"Oh, I wouldn't say that. I really do like those pants. But I'm afraid you're gonna have a hard time blending in around here if you continue to wear them," he teased, laughing as he took in Grandma's bewildered face.

"Now who said I wanted to blend in?" I teased back, earning another scolding look from Grandma. I laughed and got up from the chair. "I guess I better go change. It was nice seeing you again Chase."

I left them in the kitchen and made my way up to my room, gently closing the door and the soft click echoed through the room. I took a deep breath to steady myself. It had taken every ounce of willpower for me to walk out of that room, especially when all I wanted was to climb into his arms and devour him. I had to get control of myself before I became one of those obsessed girls with a stalker-like crush. Yes, he was amazing to look at, and apparently had a killer sense of humor that I had only just discovered, but I couldn't let him affect me this much.

I got dressed as quickly as possible, putting on a light pink dress with capped sleeves and a ruffled hemline. I looked myself over in the mirror, twisting and turning to look at every angle, before sliding on a cream colored pair of ballet flats. It was starting look like my beautiful heels wouldn't be making an appearance any time soon, and that thought made me sad. I had always loved a nice pair of heels, especially when they made my already long legs look even more stunning.

I brushed my hair and pulled it up into a bun, desperately trying to control the unruly mess on my head. The humidity here had wreaked havoc on my hair, turning my once silky curls into frizzy piles of tangles. It seemed that my usual style would not work down here, once again.

When I finally made my way back downstairs I was cool, calm, and looked absolutely stunning. I'm not conceited, but I know when I look great. Plain and simple. I waltzed back into the kitchen to find Grandma still standing at the stove, the smell of sausage filling my nose. Oh man. I hadn't smelled something so delicious in months. Mom and Dad had been on a vegetarian kick for so long now that I had forgotten how great the smell of sizzling meat could be. I sniffed the air, trying to control the drool that began to pool in my mouth, before I noticed that Chase was still seated at the kitchen table. This time his attention was fixated on something in the backyard.

"Anything interesting out there?" I asked casually as I sat down across from him. He didn't acknowledge that I had spoken, so I tried again. "Hey! Earth to Chase!" I snapped my fingers in front of his face, finally catching his attention. His eyes looked a little glazed as he turned to face me.

"Sorry. I stepped out for a moment. Did you say something?" he asked.

"Nothing important," I muttered, glaring at the window as if it was to blame for capturing his attention, something that I was making a concerted effort to gain I couldn't see anything out there that would capture someone's attention like that, which did more to irk me than his seeming inability to notice me.

"Chase, are you staying for breakfast? There's plenty here," Grandma asked as she put the sausage on a plate and carried it over to the table.

"I would love to Ms. Betty, thank you. Would you like some help?" he asked as he stood and helped Grandma gather the food and bring it to the table. What did I do? I stared at him as he moved around the kitchen. Not very helpful, I know, but if you could have seen the way his jeans clung to his body...well, you wouldn't have been very helpful at that point either. It really should be a crime to look that good.

We ate together, Chase and Grandma chatting the entire time. It seemed that they couldn't run out of things to talk about. I learned that Chase and Brian both worked a second job year round, but cut their hours down to part-time during the summer so they could help Grandma out. Seemed silly to me, to want to spend your entire summer on a farm, sweating to death in that heat. They had to be slightly deranged to want to do that. I sure as hell didn't find that to be a good use of freedom. Give me a beach, suntan lotion, and my favorite bikini, and I was set for the day.

"Okay kids, I've got some errands to run in town, so I'll leave you two to clean up this mess. Please, try to stay out of trouble." The last part directed solely at me, which caused me to frown. I shot her an angry glare, but she had already turned her attention to Chase.

"Do ya want to drive my truck Ms. Betty? I would hate for yours to break down again," offered Chase, his award-winning smile firmly in place.

"That's sweet of ya Chase, but if I do that, then you won't have a way to get home. I'll be fine, I promise," she assured as she left the room. I heard the front door close as I sat at the table, staring in the direction she had gone.

I stood and walked out of the room in a huff. Again, she was treating Chase better than me, trusting him to be the well behaved one. I walked into the living room and flopped down on the couch, throwing my head back as I tried to control the anger I could feel building. I had to calm down. I couldn't let her words get to me like that.

I closed my eyes and took a couple of deep breaths. After a few minutes my anger was in check, but my devious mind was working overtime. If she wanted to see trouble, I could show her trouble. Dad had always said it was my middle name, so maybe it was time to live up to everyone's expectations. I heard Chase's footsteps as he walked into the room. They slowed until he came to stand in front of my sprawled form.

"You sure have a flair for the dramatics, don't ya?" He sat down beside me on the couch and smiled at me.

I sat up and locked eyes with him. "What's there to do for fun around here? 'Cause I'm in need of a release," I said as I inched closer to him. My bravado began to slip as he closed the gap between us, his hand coming dangerously close to my knee.

"I'm thinking you already have something in mind," he replied, moistening his lips again. Damn him and those glorious lips. If he didn't stop that soon we would both end up in a ton of trouble.

"I want to get out of here. I _need_ some excitement. Now." I stood up and reached my hand down to help him up. "And I think you know where I can find what I need."

* * * *

"Well...this wasn't exactly what I had in mind," I said as the truck came to a stop at the edge of a wooded area a few miles away from the house. I looked over at him and found him grinning.

"You're in the middle of nowhere. Where did you think I was taking ya? To the mall?" he asked as he shut off the engine and climbed out of the truck. I followed suit, swinging my legs down to the ground, and straightened out my dress.

I trailed behind him as we walked down a well-worn path. I had no idea where he was taking me, but for once I was grateful that I had worn flats. Visions of twisted ankles and bruised egos swirled through my mind as we walked through the canopy of trees. He didn't speak another word as walked. I was beginning to get nervous when we reached an open area, buried deep in the woods, closed off from the rest of the world.

My breath caught in my throat as I took in the sight in front of me. The sun sparkled on the surface of the natural pond as the breeze casually pushed the water around. The sounds of birds chirped overhead, while the smell of honeysuckle invaded my nose, the perfect picture of serenity. It was absolutely amazing. I had never experienced something so natural, completely untouched by human hands. This was created by nature and it was enchanting.

"What do ya think?" he asked as he raised his hand to my chin, playfully closing my gaping mouth.

"It's...beautiful. I've never seen something so...damn," I said as I continued to stare at the shimmering water. It looked so inviting. I had no idea how clean it was, but the urge to jump in and become one with nature threatened to overcome my city-girl sensibilities.

"My dad used to bring us here to fish every weekend. I know it's not exactly the excitement you were hoping for..." I glanced over as his words trailed off. His eyes were closed as he lost himself in his memories.

"It's perfect," I said, smiling at him. "Thank you."

He nodded and walked closer to the water's edge. He sat down and then looked over at me, motioning for me to join him. I sat down beside him, careful to keep some distance between us. The hem of my dress rode up, showing off my firm, tanned thighs. I caught him taking a quick peek before he averted his eyes. Evidently he liked what he saw, which gave me a thrill. So, he wasn't quite the _good guy_ he wanted everyone to think he was, indulging in his carnal side occasionally.

"Can I ask ya something?" We had been quiet until then and his question caught me off guard. I nodded in encouragement. "Why are ya really here? I mean, why did your parents send ya to Betty?"

"You mean Betty didn't tell you all the sordid details?" I quipped. I couldn't let him know that it was a sore subject with me. I wasn't ready to open up that much yet.

"It's not her story to tell. It's yours. That's why I asked _you_ ," he replied, ignoring my tone and pushing ahead.

"My parents said that they didn't want me around for the nasty divorce. Something about keeping me neutral during the whole thing. But I'm not so sure," I replied, my body deflating with each passing moment. It hurt every time I thought about it. Speaking about it was ten times worse and I could feel my heart shatter yet again. I was slightly shocked that I had even said anything to him about it at all, considering I had just vowed not to open up to him, at least not that much.

"Would they have a reason to lie to you?"

"I never thought so before. They tried to hide what was going on," I replied. "If I hadn't stumbled on them during a weak moment, I'm not sure they would have told me until after the whole debacle was over."

"Divorce can be hard on everyone involved. Sounds like they were only trying to look out for you," he said as he picked at the grass between us.

"And this culture shock isn't hard on _me_? It's like I've been thrust into a whole new world where I can never fit in!" I jumped up as anger began to grow again. This time I wasn't stopping it. It was time to let it out. "I've only met my grandmother once before this week. Once! How could they possibly think this was a good idea?"

He stood up slowly, his hands raised in an act of defense. He tried to walk towards me but I backed away, unable to deal with his close proximity right then. His hands fell to his side as he spoke. "I think you're doing a great job adjusting, all things considered."

"Ha! Nice try, but I know what all of you think of me. All you see is a spoiled princess. A brat. I see it in everyone's eyes when they look at me, so don't even try to deny it!"

"That's what ya want people to see when they look at ya!" he yelled, snapping my attention to his face. I couldn't believe he yelled at me. He was supposed to be the calm one, the one who didn't fly off the handle. "When ya aren't trying to pull one over on everyone, I see those glimpses of the girl ya really are. The sweet girl who is scared to death of being alone. The girl who would rather keep someone at arm's length so she didn't get hurt."

His voice echoed around us. It bounced off of the surrounding trees and caused birds to become silent. I stared at the fierce expression on his face, no hint of compassion remaining. Crap. I felt tears begin to threaten. If I didn't get away now he would see me cry. I couldn't let him see that his words had hit home. I remembered Amber accusing me of the same thing a few years ago, right after I broke up with Kevin Walker. She had spent months getting us together, and I threw it away after a week.

I hadn't had the heart to tell her what he had done to me. Why I broke up with him. If I had told her that he had touched my breasts, even after I told him to stop, would she have believed me? All signs pointed to no, because she had never told a boy no. I wasn't like her. That was how I had ended up with the reputation of a cold fish. And that was why she accused me of always pushing people away.

I raised my chin and spun on my heel, preparing to storm off, but his hand caught my arm before I could take a step. "Not this time Roxie. Ya can't keep running from everything." His tone was gentler this time, but the frustration was still there. He was trying to calm down too. Both of us were failing miserably.

"I'm not running from anything, _Chase_ ," I spat his name at him, hoping my words would make him release me. "You need to let me go."

"I can't do that. Ya need a friend right now, and it seems I'm the only one volunteering for the job." I have friends! Lots of them! Well...I _had_ friends. Before I came down here. I hadn't actually heard from anyone from back home since my last "chat" with Amber.

I jerked my arm out of his grasp and tried to stare him down, but he was better at this game than I was. "You think you've got me all figured out, don't you? You've known me all of a couple of weeks, but you know me better than I know myself, right?" I wrapped my arms around my midsection, trying to hold the pain I was feeling inside. "What's the point of all of this? Why the hell do you care?"

He shook his head, completely exasperated with my dramatics. I wanted to open up to him. A part of me was screaming to grab hold of him and tell him everything, but that damn wall I had built around my heart just wouldn't let me. Even after all these years, Kevin was still winning. "Maybe one day you'll get it Roxie. Maybe one day you'll see that there are genuinely good people out there. People who aren't out to screw ya over or hurt ya. But until then, you're going to be one very lonely young woman."

He walked away from me, his hands fisted at his sides. I wasn't about to let him get the last word, even though the rational part of my brain was yelling at me to shut up. "You don't know shit Chase Matthews! Not a damn thing!" I yelled to him, but he ignored me, continuing on his path. I kicked at a rock on the ground, sending it skittering across the dirt. It should have made me feel better, but it didn't.

The only thing that would make me feel better right then would have been grabbing that infuriating boy and holding him to me. Even after everything that had just happened, all I could think about was kissing him. I let out a frustrated growl and then stalked off in the direction he had gone. I didn't need him at all. I just wanted him, and that was so much worse.

CHAPTER TEN

The drive home from the pond was quiet. Neither of us spoke, the air heavy with tension. He dropped me off in the driveway and immediately left. No goodbyes. No assurance that we would see each other again. While I still had the urge to taste him, I knew it was for the best. Nothing could ever happen between us, right? But that didn't mean that he was any less enticing.

I noticed Grandma's truck parked out front, but it wasn't until I made it closer to the house that I saw her sitting in one of the rocking chairs, watching me. I walked up the stairs slowly, watching her carefully. Could she tell that Chase and I had a fight? If she launched into another lecture about staying away from him I would scream. Now I knew she had been right to tell me to stay away, but there was no way I was going to admit that to her.

"Did ya have a nice day honey?" she asked, her chair no longer rocking. I looked over at her and she looked relatively calm, so I decided to sit with her.

"It was fine," I said as I sat down gently in the rocking chair next to her.

"Just fine?" She chuckled. "Where did y'all go?"

"The tattoo parlor in town. We decided to cement our love with ink," I smiled at the snark in my tone. The scandalized look on her face made me laugh. "I was just kidding you know. We went to the pond."

"He took ya to the pond? Brennan's Pond?" she asked incredulously.

"I guess that's the one. It's close by, surrounded by trees. Very secluded," I replied as I leaned my head back and closed my eyes. I could already feel the headache building behind my eyes. How could I tell her that I had done exactly what she had told me not to do? I had somehow managed to screw up the budding friendship between us in one short afternoon.

"Yep, that's Brennan's Pond. I'm shocked he took ya there," she paused, glancing over at me. "Do ya know what that place means to him? He has never taken anyone there."

"I get it Grandma, I do. It's a special place for him and his dad. Fishing and all that stuff." I stopped rocking and stood up.

"Did he tell ya anything else? About his dad, I mean?" she asked as she gazed up at me, her eyes turning glassy with each passing second. I shook my head and took a few steps away from her, making my way to the front door. "Then ya don't really _get_ it. But maybe one day you will."

I stared at her for a moment as tears welled up in her eyes. A few escaped, and she quickly wiped them away, but the pain in her eyes was harder to hide from me. I wanted to comfort her, to ask her what was wrong, but instead I left her there on the porch and retreated to my room. I literally ran away from her overflowing emotions. I couldn't tell you why I did it. All I knew was that my heart refused to budge, refused to stutter for her in that moment. It was a useless organ in that moment, only able to pump life through my veins. It should have been able to deal with sadness and desolation, but no. It was useless.

Amber used to tell me that I was socially inept, but I had never really understood what she meant when she said that. Now I knew. She had been right about me. It wasn't that I didn't know how to show that I cared; it was that I just couldn't. I couldn't bring myself to get attached. But without those attachments, how could I relate to what someone is feeling? I couldn't, so I didn't even bother to try anymore. I should have stayed with Grandma. I should have dried her tears and gave her a hug, promising that everything would be fine. I should have been the person she needed me to be, but I wasn't. I avoided her sadness like it was a disease.

What kind of human being was I that I couldn't empathize with someone that I was supposed to love? I felt utterly useless, which seemed to be a recurring theme since I'd come to Perry Point. When I was in New York, life seemed to be simpler, easier. My friends didn't expect much from me, we were just happy to be in the same social circle. We could spend hours, days, weeks together and never truly know each other. That may sound lonely, but it was the norm. We didn't cry for a friend's loss, at least not outwardly. We stood by them physically, our bodies present, while our hearts were hidden behind an enormous brick wall. There was no depth to our relationships, and that seemed to work for everyone involved.

It had always been easier to keep people at arm's length. They couldn't hurt you if they couldn't get a grip on your heart. They couldn't make you feel things that would make you squirm. You were safe within your own walls, protected from the harsh realities of life. It was a protective measure and it had worked so far. I was still shocked that Chase had been able to see it for what it was. I was more concerned about him finding out why than trying to figure out how he had known. We all had secrets, but some of them were harder to deal with than others. Mine belonged to me, unfit for other's consumption.

A light knock at my door drew me out of my thoughts. "Come in." I waited for the door to open. Katy, of course. She walked in, her hands clasped behind her back and a nervous smile on her face.

"Ms. Betty told me I could find you up here. I saw Chase leave. He didn't look too happy. Everything okay?" She walked over to my desk and took a seat, swiveling the chair to face me.

Why did everyone insist on asking me if things were okay? If I wanted them to know, I would tell them. I let out a big sigh and flopped down on my bed. "Everything is great. Just wonderful. Don't I look happy?" I didn't bother to look at her when I answered, closing my eyes instead to ward off the gnawing headache.

"I bet you're wondering why I'm here." _Not really_ , I thought to myself. "I was hoping you'd be interested in going to a party with me tonight."

I sat up and looked at her. She was still smiling at me, but the sparkle in her eyes had diminished, leaving a look of uncertainty in its wake. "A party? Where?" My interest was fully aroused. I had been craving some excitement since I arrived in town. A small part of me wondered what kind of fun these country kids had in mind, while another part didn't give a shit. I was ready for some fun.

"Max Lewis is throwing his annual summer party tonight. It's very exclusive. The location of the party isn't known until about an hour before it starts." I could tell from the look on her face that this was not part of her normal routine. I would even venture to say that she had never been to a party before. Ever.

"And you think that you can find out where it is?" I was unable to hide the skepticism in my voice. This party sounded like some of the raves that Amber and I used to go to back home. The invites were very exclusive and only the best of the best were invited. I couldn't imagine Katy ever being considered part of "the best."

"I'm positive. My brother goes every year and he's promised to bring me with him. I didn't feel right going with _just_ him, ya know? That's why I was hoping you would come with me."

While I still didn't think this girl knew what a real party was, I was desperate for some fun. Even if we ended up in an empty field, surrounded by oversized trucks and blaring country music, anything was better than sitting on my bed all night. "I'll go with you. On one condition." She looked at me and nodded enthusiastically. "You can't bring up Chase for the entire night. Not one single mention or I'll leave. Deal?"

She squealed loudly and jumped out of the chair. She bounded over to me and threw her arms around me, both of us falling backward onto my bed. "Yay! I'm so glad you're going! And don't worry. Chase's name will be mud tonight. Girl Scout's promise."

Great. My first party down South and I was going with a former Girl Scout. Hopefully former. What had my life come to?

* * * *

I spent the afternoon getting ready for the party. I made sure to straighten my unruly hair, carefully applied my makeup, taking great care to highlight my emerald green eyes, and picked out one of my nicest outfits. I settled on a slim pair of black capris with a one shouldered white top. Cute, but casual. I didn't want them to think I was trying _too_ hard, after all.

I walked downstairs to wait for Katy and found Grandma watching television in the living room. I knew she had heard me come down the stairs, but she didn't acknowledge my presence. I walked over to her and sat down on the couch beside her. Still, she didn't divert her attention from the television.

"I'm going out with Katy tonight," I said nonchalantly as I picked at the nonexistent lint on my shirt.

"She told me. I don't have to tell you to be careful, do I?" She never looked at me, but the tense set of her jaw told me she was not happy about my plans for the evening.

"I'll be with Katy all night. I'm sure she'll keep me out of _trouble_." I stood up and walked to the window that faced the front yard. Headlights were bouncing down the dirt road, approaching the house at a snail's pace. I willed them to hurry up, eager to get away from Grandma and begin my night of fun.

"Katy's a good girl, but it's her brother I worry about. Dan is a troublemaker. So please, be careful tonight," she spoke as she turned off the TV and looked at me for the first time tonight.

"I'll keep my distance from him, don't worry. Ending up in jail is not on my schedule for tonight." I walked over and placed a hand on Grandma's shoulder. I gave her a gentle squeeze before stepping back once again.

A knock at the door startled me. In that brief moment, when she warned me away from danger, it seemed that she genuinely cared about me. She may not have said it in so many words, but with her simple words she had shown that she was also worried about _me_. It was a novel idea. She had seemed so detached and distant so far, spending her time treating me as only the hired help, but tonight it felt different. It felt real.

"Be home by one Roxie. No excuses. And if you need me, call me. No questions asked," she said as she walked to the stairs. I opened the front door and found Katy standing there. She looked incredible! Her hair was no longer a mass of broken curls. She had obviously taken great care to curl each and every one of them. Her face wasn't covered in makeup, which suited her, and her clothes weren't fancy, but they looked amazing. Was this the same girl who had been here only a few hours before?

"Ready? Dan's in the car," she said as she scanned me from head to toe.

"Sure. Let's get going." I gave Grandma a slight nod before shutting the door. We walked down the stairs and made our way to the car. Before we got too close, Katy leaned over and whispered in my ear.

"Dan invited a friend of his. His name is Jackson and he's pretty harmless. Just be warned, he's a charmer," she spoke so close to my ear that I could smell the fresh mint on her breath.

I nodded my head and we continued to the car. Katy climbed into the front seat, leaving me to sit in the back with the nefarious Jackson. As I closed the door I looked over at the person sitting next to me. No wonder Katy warned me ahead of time. He was stunning! His dark black hair fell in waves around his head, partially obscuring his grey eyes. It wasn't quite dark out yet, so I was able to catch a glimpse of his strong jaw and chiseled cheeks. When he smiled at me I shivered. It wasn't the same kind of shiver I felt around Chase. This one felt dangerous.

* * * *

The ride to the party was stifling. Jackson tried to make conversation, but after Katy's warning, I kept my own responses to one syllable. I didn't want to give him any encouragement. Eventually he gave up trying and decided to talk sports with Dan instead. The two of them acted as if Katy and I weren't even there, and that was perfectly fine with me. I caught him staring a few times, but the angry glare that I shot at him almost gave him whiplash.

When we finally reached the party I couldn't escape fast enough. Dan had barely put the car in park before I swung open the door and rushed out. Once I was out of the vehicle I was able to take a deep breath once again. The tension had been so thick you could almost run your fingers through it. Katy hurriedly got out of the car as well and turned to look at me. Her playful smile was gone.

"Okay, so. If anyone asks, we're here with Jackson and Dan. Got it?" she asked as she slung her large purse on her shoulder. I nodded and smiled. "Now, don't get mad at me, but there is someone here tonight that you should probably know about."

I glared at her, already suspecting who it could be. "You told him about the party? Why?" I couldn't believe that she hadn't warned me ahead of time. I specifically told her that I wasn't interested in anything to do with Chase tonight.

"He called me earlier and he seemed really upset. I panicked. I told him how to get the party details. Please don't be mad at me." She gave me the worst sad, puppy dog eyes and I couldn't help but giggle at her. She failed miserably at looking innocent, especially with that mischievous sparkle in her eyes.

"Fine, I'll forgive you this time. But know that if I get cornered tonight, I'm totally blaming you. " I glanced around, scanning the crowd of people. "I don't see him, so that's a good sign."

"What happened between you two earlier? Is that why he was so upset when he called?"

I considered lying to her. Would she understand if I told her? I doubted it, so I gave her the half-truth. "We had a disagreement. No biggie. But we're not here to talk about that. Let's go mingle," I grabbed her hand and pulled her away from the car, advancing quickly towards a group of people gathered around the back of a nearby truck.

We slipped into the group easily. A few heads turned in our direction, but for the most part we were ghosts, blending seamlessly. It felt good to be anonymous, no one expecting anything from me. It had been so long since I had felt so at ease, especially among strangers. It was a feeling that I could get used to. I glanced at Katy who seemed to be enjoying herself as well. She had already been approached by a fine specimen of country goodness. He was every Southern stereotype rolled into one, right down to the faded Levi's and broken in cowboy boots.

I watched them for a few minutes, occasionally scanning the growing crowd. There weren't any familiar faces. I started to grow anxious, unsure what to do next. I fiddled with my cell phone, looking through the dozens of apps, but found nothing to entertain me. I now knew what it felt like to be invisible. I had always been a _somebody_ , and while this should have been a humbling experience, the only thing I felt was uncomfortable.

I whispered to Katy that I was going to do some walking around, she nodded and immediately returned her attention to the cowboy she was talking to. I walked away quickly, trying to resist the urge to flat out run. Everywhere my eyes landed there were groups of people congregating around one vehicle or another. It seemed that most of them were trucks, the bed of the vehicle loaded down with coolers of who knows what. I had a feeling it was alcohol, but I didn't get close enough to find out for sure.

I found a large rock, devoid of people, and sat down. I pulled my knees up to my chin and rested my head on my hands. I felt completely out of my element. This was not what I was used to. This was a whole new world, filled with new people that I had no idea how to deal with. I was shocked that Katy seemed to blend in with everyone so easily. I searched for her and found her at the same truck, her hands locked around a red cup. She was now talking to a group of giggling girls, all of them animated and looking like they were having the time of their lives.

I smiled, knowing that at least one of us was having a good time. I heard footsteps behind me, approaching slowly. I glanced over my shoulder towards the sound and nearly fell off the rock. Chase, dressed in a light blue polo shirt that accentuated every muscle in his upper body, was standing there, his hands shoved deep into the pockets of his jeans.

"Room for another?" He motioned to the rock I was sitting on. I nodded and scooted over, giving him enough room to join me. "Thanks."

I nodded again and then returned my eyes to the scene around us. We sat quietly for a while, both of us content to just people watch. When he finally spoke, I nearly jumped out of my skin. "I'm sorry about earlier. I shouldn't have said all of that. I was out of line."

"Not interested in talking." I refused to look at him. My resolve to be a bitch was weakening with every word he spoke. "I'm not even sure why I came over here..." He stood up and looked down at me. "I keep telling myself to just give you some time. That you're going through a lot of stuff. But I'm wrong, aren't I? This is just who you are."

I looked up at him and shivered, the fire in his eyes felt as if it was singeing every nerve ending in my body. In that moment I wanted to throw my arms around him and get lost in his touch. I wanted nothing more than to forget about the world around me and the bullshit that I called life.

"I thought you learned your lesson on analyzing me already?" He cocked his head to the side, studying my face.

"I'm hard headed." He glanced around, his eyes darting through the surrounding darkness. "I guess I'll just leave ya to it then." I grabbed his hand before he could make an escape.

"Look. I'm...sorry. Okay?" I didn't let go of his hand. The warmth of his palm felt amazing sliding across mine. The electricity coursing between us entranced me, calling to me, pulling me under with each passing moment. "I'm messed up. You know this. As much as I hate to say this, I could use a friend here."

His eyes lit up with laughter as a grin spread on his face. "A friend. I think I can do that." He squeezed my hand gently, causing sparks to flare, before gently releasing his grip. My hand dropped to my side. I felt bereft now that we were no longer linked together. "But just so you know, I want more than that. And I think you do too."

"You don't want that Chase. Trust me. I'm trouble. Ask anyone who knows me."

"Do you believe everything people say? 'Cause I don't think you're trouble. Difficult, yes, but not trouble." His words hit home. I looked at the grass for a moment, my heart thumping out a painful rhythm. What do you say to something like that?

"Why are you so damn nice, Chase? I mean, nice is one thing, but you're _really_ nice. I don't get it. At all." I looked up and our eyes locked.

"Why do you always expect the worst of the people you meet?" he countered.

I wanted to shake him, show him that the world wasn't all peaches and cream. There were terrible people out there who wanted to do horrible things to others. There was no reason to think the best of people when they continued to show you their worst. I knew this from experience. My own parents were one of the worst examples. They had given up on their love so easily, letting it fall through the cracks because it wasn't what they initially hoped it would be. They had proven that life was cruel, and the people in your life would tear you down, from the inside out.

"Because people are destined to let you down. They're selfish. They're doomed to disappoint." I had to avert my eyes as I spoke. I couldn't keep staring into his eyes and not get tongue tied.

"Who told ya that?"

"No one had to tell me. I've learned that first hand."

"Then maybe ya haven't met the right people yet."

"Let me guess. You're the right person, huh?" I smirked at him. He shrugged his shoulders and looked at something far away. As I studied his profile, my insides churned with longing. He looked so innocent right then, so unlike the flirtatious guy that I had come to know. His intentions towards me were no secret, even if mine towards him were.

"I didn't say that. But I will say that ya will never know unless ya get to know me."

How do you tell someone that you can't get close to them because you don't know how? Would he laugh at me if I said that? Would he end up telling everyone at this party about my inability to have "real" friends? I couldn't risk it. That was something I wasn't ready to give up just yet. My secrets were held close to my heart; right where I was determined they would remain forever.

"What's the point? I hate to sound like a broken record, but I'm leaving here at the end of August. I'll go back to New York, back to my old life, and everything will go back to normal. Why get attached?"

He shook his head, but didn't say anything else. There wasn't much he could say because he knew I was right. Why cause ourselves unneeded grief? It was easier to just keep things simple. We sat there for a while longer, neither of us talking, just watching. The party was in full swing. The music was blasting from every speaker around while people danced and drank, swaying clumsily to the sound of Trace Atkins' amazing voice.

I caught myself mentally tracing the lines of his face, my hand itching to reach out and caress the slight stubble on his chin. Could we keep something between us casual? Or were we destined to break each other? Our summer could be filled with romance and fun, but what would we do at the end? He didn't deserve the baggage that I brought, or the pain that I would cause. I had to squash my urges and be his _friend_. The word felt hollow and empty, just like my heart.

Chase stood up and stretched, then turned to face me, his hand outstretched. "Would you like to-"

His voice was cut off by a scream that pierced the night. I jumped up and scanned the people around me. My heart was thrashing wildly in my chest as I searched for the owner of the screams. It sounded familiar, but I had a hard time placing it. I looked at Chase's face which had gone stark white.

"Chase? Is it-"

He held up his hand, his eyes searching the surrounding area. As the realization hit him, he grabbed my hand and pulled me along. I had a hard time keeping up with the strides of his long legs, but at that moment I was thankful I had worn sensible shoes tonight. My lungs burned as we ran, my breaths become shallower with every stride.

My feet kept catching on roots as I struggled to keep up with him. His hand no longer felt comforting. It felt fierce and strong. I could imagine what they were capable of as they pulled me closer to the source of the screams. At that moment I felt safe with him. I hadn't felt safe with a guy in so long that the sensation was overwhelming.

We pushed through the crowds of people, searching for Katy. No one else seemed to notice the panicked looks on our faces until we bumped into one of them. They glared at us, shooting evil looks as we ran, but we kept pushing. Another scream pierced the night, much closer this time. I pointed in the direction of the scream and we took off running again. Chase's hand still grasped mine as we darted towards a dark patch of trees. A blur of movement caught my eye. We slowed down as we approached, unsure what we would find. As the figure became more visible I sucked in a sharp breath before releasing an ear splitting scream of my own.

CHAPTER ELEVEN

"Katy!" I screamed as I ran over to where she was lying, unmoving, on the ground. I barely noticed that Jackson was there until Chase grabbed him by the front of his shirt and slammed him into a nearby tree.

"What the hell did you do to her?" He wasn't yelling, but the deadly hiss that escaped instead set my nerves on edge.

"Katy! Wake up!" I yelled in her face but her eyes didn't even flutter. She wasn't responsive. I shook her shoulder but she didn't stir. I stood up and stomped over to where Chase had Jackson pinned. Before either could glance my way my hand cracked across Jackson's cheek. The sting of my palm as it connected with his cheek was satisfying. I had no idea what had happened, but he was here and she was on the ground unconscious, so I made an obvious assumption.

Jackson struggled to get away from his captor, the look of hatred in his eyes causing me to stumble backward. Chase regained his grasp, and then slammed his back into the bark once again. "Don't move asshole. Or you're going to get worse than that," spat Chase, his fury barely contained.

"I'm calling 911," I said as I pulled out my phone and dialed quickly. I rushed away from them, back to Katy. I sat down beside her and brushed the hair out of her face. She was pale, her skin devoid of color. As I scanned her face my eyes found the newly forming bruise under her eye. I touched it gingerly before moving my gaze lower, continuing my inspection. There, on her neck, were angry marks made by her attacker's hands. Jackson's hands.

I had never felt such immense hatred before, but the marks on her body caused my blood to boil in rage. How _dare_ he put his hands on her! What gave him the right to leave marks on her delicate skin, to mar a body that wasn't his? I gently traced my fingers across the marks one last time as I waited for the call to connect.

I glanced between Chase and Katy while I spoke to the dispatcher. I couldn't bear to take my attention away from Katy, but I had to know that Chase was okay. I locked eyes with Jackson for a brief moment and my hatred doubled. He showed no signs of remorse, instead he smiled at me, his teeth bared menacingly. Chase noticed the action and stepped in front of him, blocking our view of each other.

I returned my attention to the phone and the dispatcher who was asking numerous questions. I tried to tell them where we were, but I honestly had no idea. All I could tell her was that we were in a big field, full of teenagers and loud country music. I made an attempt to describe my surroundings, but it was no use. Evidently telling someone that you were in the woods with trucks and teenagers wasn't a big enough hint.

"Ma'am, I'm gonna need more info than that. Is there anyone around you who could tell me where you're located?" she asked in a calm voice.

"Well, yea, of course, but his hands are kinda full at the moment," I replied as I glanced over at Chase again. He had his arm on Jackson's throat, probably cutting off part of his air flow. The raging part of my brain hoped he made him pass out too.

"Can you put that person on the phone? If your friend is hurt we need to get there quickly," she was beginning to lose her calm voice.

"Okay, hold on," I replied as I stood up and walked quickly over to Chase. I put the phone up to his ear, allowing him to keep his grasp on Jackson. "She needs to know where we are."

He spoke quickly, telling the dispatcher exactly where we were and what was going on. He sounded calm, but the glint in his eye told me that he was barely holding it together. I had never seen him look so fierce. He had always come across as poised and calm. While this was a very serious situation, I couldn't help but let my eyes wander up and down his body. I made no move to conceal what I was doing, but when Chase's eyes locked with mine my face became hot and flushed.

He didn't smile, but the intensity in his eyes had doubled. This time there seemed to be more than just anger. Was that passion that I saw in his eyes? Were mine reflecting those same emotions back at him? And how terrible were we that we were having eye sex while Katy lay on the ground, unconscious? I broke eye contact, ashamed of where my mind had gone. Damn hormones. They always popped up at the worst moment.

When he nodded that he was done, I returned the phone to my ear. He didn't meet my eyes this time, his attention focused solely on the criminal he held hostage against the tree. In no position to help him, I walked back over to Katy. She still hadn't moved. I sat down beside her again, holding the phone to my ear as the woman prattled on, her words reminding me of the teacher from the Charlie Brown cartoons.

The thought hit me quickly, causing a spastic giggle to escape my lips. I slapped a hand over my mouth, completely mortified. I looked over at Chase, but he hadn't heard my insane outburst, or at least he didn't show it. I was a terrible friend! Every move I made tonight screamed _Warning: This girl sucks as a friend, has mind sex in a field, and giggles at inappropriate times._ Score one more point for me on my long list of awkward.

When I spotted the lights of the emergency vehicles I quickly thanked the woman and hung up the phone. I watched as they maneuvered among the used parking lot of vehicles. It was surreal to sit and watch, waiting, as everything seemed to move in slow motion. Behind the ambulance were the police, at least a half dozen of them. I watched as teenagers quickly poured out their drinks, pitching the cups and bottles into nearby bushes. I pitied whoever had to clean this up.

Drunken teens scattered like roaches when the search lights were turned on. No one seemed to know the quickest route out, causing collisions and pile ups, their bodies connecting at awkward angles. If this wasn't such a serious situation I might have found the humor in it. I glanced back down at Katy, and then focused my attention on the EMTs as they climbed out of their vehicle.

"Over here!" I waved my arms over my head, trying to get their attention. I didn't want to leave Katy alone, but the noise level all around us was deafening. There was no way they would hear me.

I ran over to the ambulance, grabbing hold of a young woman who had just climbed out of the front seat. "Please! Come with me." I tried to pull her along behind me. She didn't seem happy about being forced to comply, snatching her hand out of mine. I took a quick look at her face and she looked more irritated than angry. I wanted to yell _if you didn't want the job, why the hell are you here?!_ I contained myself and kept going.

I ran ahead of her, reaching Katy only moments before she did. I looked behind her and noticed the other EMT following closely. At least he looked more concerned than his partner did. I needed to be sure Katy was in good hands, and this woman didn't seem very enthused about her night's activities. Once the male reached us, they started chattering back and forth, checking her vitals as they spoke.

They kept asking me what happened, but I had no idea. All I could do was shake my head and tell them what I knew. I felt helpless as I watched them work. Utterly and completely useless. I was a nuisance, constantly getting in the way. I don't know how long I stood there, but the sound of Chase's voice pulled me out of my stupor.

"Roxie, can ya go grab a cop? Please?"

I looked over to where he and Jackson still stood. Jackson's face no longer looked enraged. Instead he looked utterly defeated. I nodded and ran to get an officer to help him. The first one I found was a tall man with a shaved head. He was talking to a group of drunken teenagers who could barely stand up. I tapped him on his shoulder to get his attention. He turned to look at me, his dark brown eyes held an accusatory glare.

"Please, I need your help," I said as I struggled to get the words out. I explained to him who I was, that I had called 911, and then told him why I needed him. He nodded and followed me to where Jackson was pinned.

When the officer approached, Chase slowly backed away from Jackson, leaving the cop to deal with the situation. I backed away from the commotion and shaking, sat down on the ground. I couldn't stop the tears this time, even if I had wanted to. Katy was hurt. Jackson had hurt her and all I could feel at that moment was dread and pity. I could imagine what Grandma would say when she found out that I had deserted her out here.

I pulled my knees up to my chest and started sobbing. My body started shaking even harder from the release of my emotions. I didn't hear anyone approach, so when I felt two strong arms pull me into an awkward hug, I flinched and tried to get away.

"Shhh, it's me. It's okay," Chase's voice soothed as he rubbed his hands down my back. I relaxed in his arms, my body weary from everything that had happened. I let him hold me until they loaded Katy into the ambulance. I stood up and tried to follow, but there were now officers crowding around us, waiting to find out what exactly had happened.

Chase held my hand as they asked the same questions over and over. Did we know the boy who Katy had snuck off with? Did Katy have a history of running off with boys she didn't know? Were they drinking tonight? I started to get mad. More than mad, I was furious. I was about to release my pent up rage on the unsuspecting officers. From the sound of their questions, they were blaming _Katy_ for what happened. I had no idea what lie Jackson had told them, but when Katy woke up I was sure that she would set the record straight.

I answered their questions and gave them my contact information, as did Chase, and they finally told us we could go home. As we walked back toward the area where everyone had parked, I finally realized that I had no way home. Dan had left when the cops first showed up, completely unconcerned with his sister's whereabouts, leaving me stranded. I stopped abruptly, causing Chase to stumble, but he caught himself quickly.

"What's wrong?" he asked as he took a step closer to me.

"Dan left. He was my ride," I spoke in a hushed tone. "Shit...he left her here. He left his own sister. What kind of person does that?"

"I don't have the answer you need Roxie," he sighed. "Dan has always been a...piece of work." He reached for my hand and interlaced our fingers. "Come on. I'll give you a ride home."

I nodded and followed him to his truck. I didn't have much choice in who took me home, but a small part of me was happy that it was Chase I was leaving with. Okay, so maybe it wasn't such a small part.

* * * *

We had barely made it onto the main road when Chase reached over and grabbed my hand, giving it a gentle squeeze. I could feel that squeeze around my heart, and as much as I wanted to hold his hand at that moment, I couldn't. I pulled my hand away and placed it in my lap. I stared straight ahead, devouring the dark that surrounded the truck. I could feel his eyes on me, questioning, but I couldn't bear to look at him.

"Sorry. I shouldn't have done that," he spoke quietly and placed his hand back on the steering wheel.

"It's okay," I said as I fidgeted with the hem of my shirt.

A tense silence engulfed us. I could feel the hurt pouring off of him. It seemed that I was destined to keep screwing up and hurting him. "I suck at this. Friendship, I mean."

"How can you suck at friendship? Either you care about someone, or you don't." He glanced at me, barely taking his eyes off of the road.

"It's not always that simple. At least not for me." I barely spoke the words out loud, but I was certain that he had heard me.

"It could be, if you let it," he tapped his fingers on the wheel. "I could help you, if you want. I've been told I make a pretty good friend."

I couldn't stop the smile that spread across my face. "Are you propositioning me?"

He laughed and the sound eased some of the tension between us. "I guess I am. But just so you know, no other friend will ever compare to me. I'm that good."

"I'd like that. A lot," I said quietly. When I glanced over at him I noticed that he had a huge smile on his face. "But just so you know, I will probably screw it up. Repeatedly."

The rest of the drive went by quickly. We kept conversation light, never really addressing what had just happened, even though both of us were thinking about it. When we pulled up in front of the house I began to feel queasy. I was scared to tell Grandma what had happened with Katy and Jackson. I didn't even know what actually happened, so how could I explain it to her?

A loud slam echoed through the air, snapping my head up. I looked at the front porch and found Grandma standing there, one hand on her hip, and an angry look plastered on her face.

"Shit," I muttered, grabbing my purse and opening the truck's door.

"Hey, let me do the talking, okay?" said Chase as he opened his door as well.

We both walked up to the porch, our heads down and our feet dragging. When I looked up at Grandma I knew that I would never be allowed out of the house again. I could practically see the smoke streaming from her ears.

"What happened? Do ya know how much I despise getting a call from the police chief that my _granddaughter_ was at an illegal field party in the middle of the night? What were ya thinking?" She was spitting mad. And she was right. I had to own up to what happened.

"I'm sor-" I began, but was immediately cut off.

"It was my fault Ms. Betty. I asked her and Katy to meet me there. I just thought that it would be good for her to get to know others her own age. It was stupid, I realize that now. I shouldn't have taken them there," Chase said, the lie rolling easily off of his tongue.

She jerked her head as if she had been slapped and focused her attention on Chase. "It was your idea to take my granddaughter out there? I thought ya knew better Chase. Especially after everything that happened-" Grandma slapped a hand over her mouth, cutting off her own words. The stricken look of panic on her face couldn't be hidden by her small hand.

"What are you talking about?" I asked. I looked over at Chase. His face had turned chalky white in color and his eyes were fierce. I put my hand on his arm, but he jerked away from me. "What's going on?"

"Chase, I'm so sorry. I...I don't know...it just slipped..." she stammered along, the apology becoming broken and unintelligible.

"I'll always be blamed for that, won't I?" he whispered as he stared up at Grandma. I looked between the two of them, unsure what to say or do. There was a secret being bounced around between them, but evidently I wasn't meant to know what it was.

"I never blamed you. Never. What happened was out of your control," she said as she came down the steps to stand in front of him. She tried to reach out and hug him, but he quickly took a step back, distancing himself from her.

"Everyone blames me. Hell, _I_ blame me! If it weren't for me, he would still be here!" His voice got louder and I flinched from the volume.

"That's not true! He wouldn't want you to blame yourself for what happened. You aren't the one who-"

"Yes I am!" he screamed. "If I hadn't been out there that night, he never would have needed to come get me! If I had stayed home, like he asked, he wouldn't have been on that dark road! He would be here! Right now!" As he yelled, tears began to stream down his cheeks. He didn't bother to wipe them away. They flowed freely as his hands fisted at his sides.

"Who? Who are you two talking about?" I questioned, still confused as to what was going on. I had a general idea that something bad happened, and that Chase blamed himself. The pain pouring from his eyes was immense, threatening to pull him under.

Neither one of them looked at me, continuing to stare each other down. They were both crying, neither of them moving towards the other, and their chests heaved as sobs wracked their bodies.

"Can someone please tell-"

"No. Not like this," Chase cut me off, finally turning his attention to my face. "Tomorrow." He paused, a look of fear flitting across his face. "I'll tell you everything. Tomorrow."

He spun on his heel and stormed away, leaving me feeling a thousand times worse. I could feel his pain as if it were my own. It clutched at my heart and gave a violent squeeze. I watched as he fled to his truck and peeled out of our yard, making his way down the dirt road, until I couldn't see his tail lights any more. I turned to face Grandma and found her sitting on the steps with her head hanging in what I imagined was shame. I sat down beside her and leaned forward.

"I have no idea what is going on, and I won't push the issue. You'll just tell me to ask Chase about it tomorrow, which I will. But," I paused, taking a deep breath. "I want you to know that all of these secrets between us...I don't know what to do."

Grandma's head slowly rose and our eyes met. I could see the hurt and despair churning in hers, threatening to boil over again. I reached over and hugged her. From this angle it was a little bit awkward, but I hoped she would get the sentiment behind it. She patted me on the back and then leaned away.

"I don't want to keep things from ya. I don't. But this one is huge. And not mine to tell," she replied as the tears began to fall again, slower this time.

"This is why you told me to stay away from him, isn't it?" I questioned.

She nodded. "He has been through so much. He carries the pain around with him. I know he needs the feeling of normalcy, and I have no right to keep that from him, but it's hard. I just want to protect him."

"And you think so little of me that you thought I would rip his heart out." It wasn't a question. I was an unknown to her. We didn't know each other, regardless of the fact that we were family.

"No. But there's always that chance," she said. "When you love someone you want to protect them. You want to keep the world from completely crushing them. But sometimes the world has other plans, and you're powerless to stop them. That's what I am. Powerless."

"I didn't come here to mess everything up..." I spoke gently as I felt the first tears slip free.

"Oh baby, I know that," she pulled me into a fierce hug as she spoke. "I was so focused on protecting Chase, that I hurt _you_ in the process." She pulled away and looked me in the eye. "I'm so sorry. I never meant to make ya feel like that."

As we sat together, crying and hugging, I got the strangest feeling in my chest. It started as a dull throb, slowly growing into a light fluttering feeling. It wasn't painful, but it sure was attention grabbing. I had never felt something so strong, yet gentle. I decided to ignore it and continue hugging Grandma. I could worry about the weird feeling another time. For now, I was surrounded by warmth and love, and there was no way I was letting go.

CHAPTER TWELVE

The next morning I crawled out of bed slowly. I hadn't slept very well as thoughts of Katy kept me from resting peacefully. I had tried to call her parents last night, once Grandma went to bed, but they refused to tell me anything. Evidently Dan had told them some crazy story that it was my fault that Katy had been hurt. I tried to tell them what really happened, but they hung up before I could even complete a sentence.

I could care less what others thought of me most of the time, but these were Katy's parents. Katy and I were friends, right? It was normal to care what your friend's parents thought about you. At least, I thought it was normal.

I threw on some clean clothes and pulled my hair into a messy knot. The last thing on my mind was my appearance as I rushed downstairs. I flew into the kitchen and found Grandma sitting at the table, coffee in hand, while she read the Sunday paper. When she heard me come in she lowered the paper and smiled.

"Good morning baby. Breakfast is on the stove. Hope ya like biscuits and gravy," she said before she took a big gulp of her coffee.

"Um...never had it, but thanks." I pulled a plate out of the cabinet and piled some food on it. I sat down across from her at the table and began to eat. It was like heaven in my mouth. The little chunks of sausage mixed in with the gravy were the perfect complement to the warm, flaky biscuits. I felt no shame as a groan escaped from my lips.

"Should I come back later? Do ya need a moment alone?" Grandma laughed and I scowled at her. But I couldn't hold it for very long. I swallowed my food and wiped my mouth.

"I'm going to be nice and plump when I go home," I replied. The light in her eyes dimmed slightly.

"Speaking of home, your mother called this morning. Your father moved out of the condo this morning," she spoke without making eye contact.

"Really? That was fast," I replied. I stabbed at a piece of biscuit and shoved it in my mouth. I finished chewing and looked up at her. The pinched look on her face told me she was hiding something. "What else?"

"You should call your mother," she said as she stood up and walked to the sink. I was about to question her more, but a loud knock at the front door grabbed our attention. She walked out to find out who was here. A few minutes later she returned, followed closely by Chase and Brian.

"Did you get the parts on the list I left for you?" asked Brian as he helped himself to breakfast. He sat down beside me and started shoveling food into his mouth.

"Yeah, they're all out back. Hopefully I got everything right this time," replied Grandma as she sat down to put her work boots on.

Chase stood by the door, not making a sound, almost as if he was trying to disappear into the wood. I smiled at him and he tried to return the gesture, but it appeared forced. I stood up from the table and walked over to him. His gaze flickered between me and Grandma, finally settling on me after a moment's hesitation.

"I'm guessing you're here to talk," I said, and he nodded his head slowly. "Let me grab my shoes and we can get out of here."

Five minutes later we were walking towards the woods at the back of the house. The silence hung between us, taunting me. I looked over at Chase as we walked and my heart sputtered. The sun caught the highlights in his hair perfectly, causing a halo to form around his head. He must have felt me staring, but his smile told me he didn't mind all that much. Or at all.

"Are you going to start talking?" I asked as we kept walking.

"I don't honestly know where to start. This isn't something I normally talk about with...anyone," he replied, his shoulders sagging.

"Start at the beginning," I said as I gently smiled at him, hoping to put him at ease.

He blew the hair out of his eyes and stared ahead. "It happened almost a year ago. Next week will make it a year. Brian was invited to one of Max's field parties for the first time, ever. We had both been dying to go, but if you aren't invited, you don't go."

I nodded, urging him to continue. "Well, the party was epic. Better than what I had imagined it would be. There was this girl, Amanda that I had been crushing on for months, she was there too. We spent the entire party together. We danced and drank a little bit, just enjoying each other's company. We even kissed." The look of awe was plastered on his face, as if he couldn't believe he had kissed her.

I stopped walking and looked at him. "Was that your _first_ kiss?" I tried to keep the shock out of my voice, but considering how absolutely gorgeous he was, I found it hard to believe.

"Don't look so shocked," he chuckled before continuing. "Yes, that was my first kiss. And let me just say, it definitely lived up to my expectations. We spent the night just enjoying each other, making out, dancing. By the time the party died down we were all pretty drunk. Brian included. He knew he couldn't drive us home, but Amanda insisted that she was fine to drive. I shouldn't have listened to her. She ended up wrapping her car around a tree that night."

I drew in a sharp breath and watched as Chase's eyes shone with moisture. His voice was straining as he struggled to push the words out. It broke my heart that he was reliving memories that were so painful.

I reached over and grasped his hand, hoping to reassure him. He smiled at me and continued his story. "But Brian and I didn't drive home. We called our dad. We told him that we couldn't drive and needed him to come get us. He was madder than hell, but he said he would come get us. We waited for three hours, but he never showed up." Chase's eyes glazed over, his focus on a distant memory as it played through his mind. "I called his cell phone dozens of times, thinking he might have fallen back asleep. Mom finally answered the phone. She had no idea that Dad had left, and after I told her what was going on, she began to panic.

"She made it there, to us, in less than 10 minutes. After all, we didn't live that far away, and she was known for taking a short cut through the neighbor's fields." I giggled at that moment as the image of his mother driving like the Dukes of Hazard raced through my head. "All done?" he asked.

"Sorry, please continue." How stupid could I be? He was here, telling me something so serious and life changing, and all I could do was giggle at a stupid mental image. I wanted to crawl under a rock.

He let a small smile spread across his lips and started talking again. "She yelled at us until her voice grew hoarse, then tried to yell some more. Finally, she was too tired to do anymore and she allowed us to get in the car with her. Of course, by this time we were almost completely sober. It had been four hours since we had called Dad. I asked her if she had heard from him, but she hadn't, which made us all worry even more. I should have known something was terribly wrong. I told Mom to take the right way home this time, just in case. She didn't want to, but after a lot of pleading, she relented.

"We were about a mile from our house when we found his car. It was upside down, in a ditch, on the side of the road. The entire top of the car was flattened and every bit of glass had shattered." He paused, wiping a small tear from his cheek. I squeezed his hand encouragingly, letting him know that I was there. "We called 911 and waited for what felt like an eternity. When they finally got there I began to feel a little bit better. I just knew that they would help him. They wouldn't leave him like that. I knew they would give me back my father."

I could hear the pain in his voice as he struggled to contain his emotions. This had to be the hardest subject in the world for him to talk about, and yet he spoke as if he had told the story a thousand times before.

"Ten minutes later they were pronouncing him dead. Just like that, he was gone. He wouldn't be going to the hospital to get checked out. He wouldn't heal around the most capable doctors in town. He would never be able to yell at me and Brian for being so stupid. He would never come home. He was gone. And it was all my fault."

I had no idea what to say. What do you say when someone tells you that they believe they were responsible for the death of their father? Grandma had told him that no one blamed him for his father's death, but this was something that was eating him from the inside out. It wouldn't matter how many times people told him that he wasn't to blame. He would continue to believe that if he hadn't gone to that party then his father would still be alive.

"I'm not going to lecture you about why you should stop blaming yourself. I'm sure you've heard that too many times already," I said as I squeezed his hand. "But I have to ask something. After everything that happened, why did you go to Max's party last night?"

He stopped and looked around. His eyes locked on something behind me, causing me to glance behind me. A large tree had fallen, creating a natural bench for us to sit down on. He led me to it and we sat down, our bodies nearly touching. This time I had no urge to move away from him.

"I knew you would be there. Katy told me that she had convinced you to go and I needed to talk to you. To apologize," he replied as he gazed into my eyes.

"You couldn't just call?" I asked playfully, giving him a gentle push.

"Would you have answered?" he asked with a small smile.

"Probably not."

"Well, there ya go."

I laughed and leaned closer to him. I could smell the scent rising from his body. There was a hint of something familiar, mixing with the overwhelming scent of vanilla. It was strong and enticing, stirring memories of my old life. My father had used cologne that smelled almost like it, but not quite the same. I felt a pang of sadness at the thought of my father and the reminder that he had moved out of our home this morning.

"You smell like my father," I said suddenly, immediately wishing I could take back the words.

"That's what every guy wants to hear," he replied with a laugh.

"Sorry. That was a mood killer, wasn't it?"

"Don't worry about it. I think it actually saved the day," he responded as he rubbed a lazy circle on the back of the hand that he still clasped in his own.

"How so?" The feel of his rough fingers on my hand was amazing. I could have stayed like that for the rest of my life and been happy.

"Well...for a moment there...I was thinking about kissing you. And that's not what friends do, right?" he asked with a playful smile. His eyes didn't reflect the same playfulness though. They questioned me, pulling me towards him again.

"Right," I squeaked. I cleared my throat and said, "Friends don't kiss. I mean, they can, but then they aren't just friends anymore, are they?"

He leaned closer, his breath warming my cheek. I felt his soft lips as they made contact with my cheek. He was so close to my lips. If I just turned my head a fraction of an inch, they would meet. A long sigh escaped my own lips as my eyes fluttered closed. "Do friends kiss on the cheek?" he whispered against my skin.

My eyes opened and I was momentarily breathless as I gazed into his eyes. Their usual twinkle was gone; what I saw reflected in their depths was a passion so hungry I thought it would swallow me whole. "I...I think...that's acceptable."

"What about on the nose?" he asked before placing a gentle kiss on the tip of my nose. "Or the side of...your mouth?"

Before he could continue I turned my head, facing him directly. "I think that might, um, lead to something...more," I said as I reached up to push a stray hair out of my face.

He sighed and leaned back, breaking the moment. "Then it looks like we've found the limit, huh?"

My blood was seething, boiling from the inside out. I could still feel his lips on my face, like scorch marks would mark where they had made contact. I had never experienced such fire with such an innocent gesture. I couldn't drag my eyes away from his lips. They beckoned me to touch them, to taste them. At that moment I wanted nothing more than to throw the friend rule out the window.

"I guess so," I replied in a hushed voice, still struggling to catch my breath. I looked away from his handsome face, determined to try and compose myself. I took a deep breath in and let it out slowly, filling my lungs with the precious oxygen that he had stolen.

"This feels so wrong," he said as he stood up and paced in front of me. "Do you know how hard this is? Being your friend?"

The sting of his words gave me verbal whiplash. "Chase...don't..."

"Don't what?" His voice rushed out on a hiss of breath.

"Just don't. Don't say what I think you're about to say. We're friends. We can't be anything more." I was desperately clinging to my composure. I felt my throat close up as the strangle hold on my heart grew tighter.

"Why not? Tell me why Roxie. Is this about Betty?" He stopped pacing in front of me and glared down at me.

"This has nothing to do with Grandma. This is about me. Leaving. In three months," I emphasized the words for him, hoping to get the message across clearly. Evidently that part still hadn't sunk in.

"That doesn't matter to me." He stepped closer to me and knelt down on the ground, grasping my hand tightly. "Do you feel anything for me? Other than friendship?"

I stared into his eyes and could see the hope there. If I told him the truth, we would both end up hurt when I left. But if I lied to him, told him that I felt nothing for him, then we could avoid all of the pain. He would get over me quickly, hopefully taking an interest in someone who could be what he needed. Someone who wasn't afraid of getting too close. Maybe Katy.

"I don't," I whispered, as I looked away. "I'm sorry."

Chase no longer gazed at me with adoration. The longing had been replaced by a blank look, his features tense and tight. He stood up and moved a few steps back, his eyes never leaving my face. "Guess I was wrong. Again." He turned and walked away, down the path we had followed to get to this spot.

I couldn't bring myself to call after him. I wanted to, desperately, but what would I say? _Sorry for breaking your heart, can we still be friends?_ I'm sure that would go over real well. In that moment, with his lips so close to mine, I had desired with all of my heart and soul to take it a step further. I wanted to throw all that friendship crap out the window. For what? A fling that would sizzle and burn out within a month or two?

I knew I had made the right choice, but as the ache in my chest continued to grow, I questioned whether or not it had been worth it. There was something between us, that much was obvious. But I didn't want to be another person who left him. Another that hurt him in the end. I couldn't be that selfish, not with him. I waited a few minutes, giving him a sufficient head start, and then followed the path back home. I dreaded explaining all of this to Grandma. Damn. I hated when she was right.

CHAPTER THIRTEEN

As soon as I stepped through the front door I heard heavy footsteps approaching quickly. I tried to make a mad dash up the stairs before Grandma could catch me, but she was quicker than I gave her credit for.

"Stop right there young lady!" I stopped near the top and turned around to face the impending explosion. "Get down here, right now!"

"I think I'll pass on that one, but thanks." I turned around, hoping for that as yet unachieved quick escape.

"This is not up for discussion. We need to talk. Now." She bit off the last word, with barely concealed anger.

I stormed down the stairs and found myself only inches away from her face. "You wanna tell me how I screwed up? I already know! I don't need you to tell me that!"

"I told ya to stay away from him, but did ya listen? No. And now you've hurt an innocent boy! Does that mean anything to ya?"

I balled my fists up and tried not to do something stupid. I stared her square in the eyes and took a deep breath. "I'm just living up to your expectations, _Grandma_ ," I spat the last word at her. "You were right about me. I'm nothing but trouble. I ruin every person I come in contact with. Just ask Mom and Dad! I probably ruined them as well!"

I tried to run again, but her small hands forcefully grabbed my arm and pulled me back around. "You had _nothing_ to do with their unhappiness, do ya hear me? _Nothing!_ " She shook my arm and stared intensely at me.

I jerked my arm out of her hand. I couldn't bear to feel her rough hands on me. "Don't lie to me! The least you could do is be honest with me!" I could feel my body shaking as the adrenaline coursed through my body. "How the hell would you know anything about them, anyway? It's not like you've actually been there, have you?"

"I wanted to be Rox-"

"No! If you really wanted to be there, you would have! You could have come to see us anytime!"

"The door works both ways! I tried to get your mother to visit, but she was full of excuses. There was always something more important! So I quit asking."

"What about a phone call? You sit here on your high horse and lecture me about hurting Chase, and yet you have ignored your only child, and granddaughter, for sixteen years! You have _no_ right to say a damn thing to me!" I screamed as I struggled to hold back the tears that were ready to drop. There was no way in hell she was going to have that power over me. I stormed up the stairs and slammed into my room.

I threw myself down on the bed and finally let the tears flow down my cheeks. There was nothing I could do to stop the storm that was brewing inside. The tidal wave of tears was a force to be reckoned with. I couldn't handle this place much longer. At least back home I didn't cry. There was nothing there that could break my heart. Here? There were so many things here that threatened to drag me under.

My thoughts drifted to Chase again. The pain that shone in his eyes when I told him that I felt nothing for him. The hard set of his mouth as he put a brave face on. I hated making him feel that way, but it was for the best. It would hurt much less right now than it would when I left. There were far fewer pieces to pick up right now. At least I made _one_ right decision during all of this crap.

I spent the rest of the day in my room. I couldn't face Grandma again. I knew she would want to finish our conversation, but there was nothing left to say. I'm sure Chase had already told her exactly what happened anyway. Why did she need to hear it from me? Wasn't it enough that I already hated myself for making him feel that way?

My phone rang a few times, but every time I checked the caller ID Chase's name popped up. I couldn't imagine what he would have left to say to me. Finally, a text came through. I opened the phone and read the message from him.

Katy is awake. U need 2 get here soon.

I texted him back and got the name and address of the hospital, then grabbed Grandma's keys off the hook. I stormed out of the house and made my way to Grandma's truck. She would understand why I needed to use it. If not, to hell with her. Katy was the only person here who hadn't treated me like I was the devil in disguise. The least I could do was go see her and find out what had happened the night before.

As I sped out of the driveway, I looked in the rearview mirror in time to see Grandma come running out the front door, her arms raised above her head as she tried to wave me back. I still wasn't ready to talk to her. I kept driving, pretending that I hadn't seen her frantically trying to stop me from leaving. I drove as fast as I could without risking being pulled over. Grandma would have yet another thing to hold over my head if I got a speeding ticket in her truck.

Thirty minutes later I was pulling into the parking lot of the hospital. I ran inside, straight up to the front desk. The woman who was sitting there looked up at me with a sweet smile.

"How can I help you sweetheart?" she asked.

"I'm looking for Katy...um...damn. I don't know her last name," I replied, ashamed that I had never bothered to learn her last name, even after all the time we had spent together.

I was saved from further embarrassment when I heard my name being called from down the hall. I turned to see Chase walking quickly over to where I stood. As he got closer I could see his eyes were rimmed in red. Had I caused the tears that had left his chiseled face in ruin? No. Probably not. He was probably just upset about Katy.

"She's down here." He jerked his thumb in the direction he had just come from. "Come on. She's asking where you are."

I followed behind him as he hurried down the hallway. As we walked I glanced into the rooms that we passed, accidentally seeing more of one man's backside than I ever wanted to. After that I made sure to keep my eyes forward at all times. No matter how much I didn't want to stare at the back of Chase's head, it was better than the wrinkly mess I had just seen. He stopped suddenly and turned to face me.

"Room 126," he said as he pointed to the door on his right. He started to walk away but I grabbed his arm, halting his departure. "Don't, Roxie. Not here."

"Chase, we need-"

"Not. Here." He shook my hands off and walked away. I felt my heart shatter, the rhythm sputtering as pain slammed into me again. I wanted to run after him, but I was there to see Katy.

I walked into the stark white room and was shocked to see Katy sitting up in bed, smiling at me, looking like she had been in a cage fight the night before. I walked over to her and pulled a chair close to her bed. I sat down quickly and returned her beaming smile. I couldn't believe how happy she looked, especially when her body looked like it had been through hell.

"Hey," I said as I fidgeted with the bracelet on my wrist.

"Hey to you. What was all that about?" she asked as she hitched her thumb in the direction of the hall.

"Nothing important," I replied, unable to meet her eyes.

"For now, I'll let it slide," she laughed, causing me to chuckle. "Man...I can't wait to get out of here. It's freaking boring!"

"Katy...what...I mean," I paused, drawing in a deep breath. "What happened? We heard you screaming, but you were already on the ground when we found you."

"I...I don't remember everything. One minute Jackson and I were standing there, laughing, and the next he was on top of me," she said as tears formed in her eyes.

"Were you drinking? Did he get you a drink?" I asked, the pieces falling into place.

"I only had one drink, I swear! I can't remember...I think he got it for me. But I'm not sure," she replied.

"That scum," I growled as I slammed my hands down on the armrests of the chair. "I'll kill him."

"Let it go Roxie. It's over."

"How can you say that? He obviously drugged you! And then attacked you!" I wanted to shake some sense into her. How could she be so calm about this?

"I don't want to think about it. At all. I just want...I want to forget it happened."

"Does your brother know what his _friend_ did?" I was seething. I couldn't believe that she just wanted to let it go.

"He knows. He threatened to kill him, but I told him the same thing. He's not worth it, I promise."

I stood up and started pacing the room, rubbing my sweaty palms up and down my jeans. I felt completely helpless. Sure, Katy and I hadn't known each other very long, but I considered her a friend. Just as I was about to say something else the door to the room opened. There, standing in the doorway, was one of the most beautiful girls I had ever seen. She was taller than me, with long blond hair that ended at her hips, and deep blue eyes. The anger that flashed in her eyes made them look even more startling.

She shot me a death glare as she went to sit in the chair that I had just vacated. She took Katy's hand in her own and smiled reassuringly. "Oh my gosh Katy! I have been so worried about you."

"I'm fine Jenn. Really. Nothing to worry about," said Katy as she tried to loosen the girl's grip on her hand.

"Don't lie. Whose ass do I have to kick?" She briefly glanced my way, a sneer on her gorgeous face, and quickly focused her attention back on Katy. "Who's this?"

"That's Roxie. She's my new friend," said Katy as she smiled at me. It wasn't as bright as when I first arrived, but I wouldn't be smiling if that girl had a death grip on my hand either.

I closed the distance and held out my hand to Jenn. She didn't even acknowledge that I was standing there. I lowered my hand and stepped back again. What a witch. Well, she and I were definitely not going to be _besties_ this summer. That much was obvious. Katy looked even more uncomfortable after that. I wanted to help her, but I had no idea how to handle Jenn. I mean, I _was_ Jenn in New York.

"Katy, I'm going to go. Call me. For anything," I said as I walked towards the door. She nodded and smiled, but it looked more like a grimace. Poor Katy. I felt bad for abandoning her, but I honestly had no idea what to do. I walked out the door and immediately bumped into a hard chest. His familiar scent tantalized me, causing the pain to come rushing back again. I looked up at Chase, our eyes locking instantly.

We stood that way for a brief moment before he broke contact. He stepped away from me and my composure broke. I was going to cry. I couldn't control the tears this time, so I took off, running down the hall, making my way towards the entrance. I could hear him calling my name, but I couldn't stop. Wouldn't stop. I had to get away from him. I couldn't let him see what kind of reaction he caused.

I made it out to Grandma's truck and climbed in quickly. I sat there for a minute, letting the tears fall. I didn't want to stop them this time. Why should I? I deserved to feel this way. I deserved to be miserable and in pain. Everyone who ever cared about me ended up in pain, so why shouldn't I suffer with them? I deserved to live in my own hell.

CHAPTER FOURTEEN

I wasn't ready to face Grandma's wrath yet, so I drove to the only place that could make me feel safe again. I was pretty sure that no one would think to look for me at the pond. When I pulled up it looked exactly as it had the last time I was there. The sky seemed darker, menacing, but that probably had more to do with my own mood than the weather.

I got out of the truck and slammed the door. I wanted to punch the damn thing, but I seriously doubted that my knuckles would survive that kind of brutality. I started the trek down the path that would lead me to Chase's safe haven. There were no birds chirping this time, no sign of life besides my footsteps. It was like the forest had died a little bit without Chase's presence.

When I broke through the trees I felt the vice grip on my heart lessen. I now understood why this place meant so much to him. There was something calming about the smooth water and the wild flowers that surrounded it. I sat down near the edge and laid back to stare at the sky. The clouds raced by, darkening with each passing minute. I could smell the hint of rain in the air, but I felt no urge to leave. A little rain never hurt anyone.

I was so lost in thought that I didn't hear anyone approach, so when I heard the masculine grunt I shot up. I must have scared him pretty badly as well because he jumped back as well, throwing his hands up in a defensive gesture.

"What the hell Chase?" My heart was beating rapidly, thumping loudly against my ribcage.

"Sorry. I thought you heard me," he said as he lowered his arms. His chest was heaving as well as he tried to calm his nerves as well.

"What are you doing here?" I snapped.

"Me? What are _you_ doing here? This is my spot, remember?"

"I don't see your name on it." Okay, so that was childish, but at this point I didn't care.

"Grow up Roxie. Shit," he said as he ran his hands through his hair. His action left his hair tousled, but not like the guys I knew back home. They would spend hours on their hair, trying to recreate this look, but never coming close. None of them could ever hold a candle to Chase.

"I'm not leaving."

"Neither am I."

We stared at each other, invisible daggers flying from our respective eyes. I broke first, tearing my eyes away from him. I couldn't sit here and stare at him without thinking about the last time we were alone. How I wish I could take back those words. We had been so close to kissing, but I had to open my big mouth and tell him that I felt nothing for him. Now, the only person who truly understood me couldn't stand to be around me. Two points for my idiocy, once again, I mentally kicked myself.

I pulled my knees up to my chest and hugged them. The silence between us was uncomfortable. I couldn't handle being this near him, not speaking, when all I wanted was to crawl into his arms and let the pain subside. Just as I was about to make a hasty retreat, he finally spoke.

"It doesn't have to be like this, ya know?"

"Like what?" That's right. I'm feigning ignorance. Leave me alone.

"Awkward. I mean, okay, it seriously sucked when you said you didn't feel that way about me. But oh well. You've got every right to feel however you want." He had sat and was systematically ripping grass out of the ground as he rambled. "I assumed there was something there...but I was wrong. I get it."

"Stop! Just stop being so damn nice!" I jumped to my feet and brushed the dirt from my butt. He stared up at me for a minute before standing as well. His movements were more controlled. He was in no rush to deal with this standoff.

"What do you want me to do? Want me to yell and scream? Throw a punch? What?" His hands were gesturing wildly in front of my face, causing me to take a step back.

"I want you to hate me!" I screamed. I immediately wished I could take the words back. The color drained from his face as he stared at me.

"Hate you? Why, Roxie? Why would you want me to hate you?"

"Forget it." I turned and walked away, but I didn't make it far. I felt his hand grasp my arm and pull me to a stop. I didn't face him. I couldn't. I felt the first drops of rain as the sky finally opened up.

"No. I won't forget it. Tell me why."

I spun on my heel to face him, my blood boiling in my veins. I wanted to scream at him. I wanted to hate him, but I couldn't. I was in too deep to hate him.

"You should hate me! Then I wouldn't want to do this!" I yelled right before I grabbed his shirt, my arms sliding around to the back of his neck as I pulled him closer. I didn't hesitate. I pressed my lips against his and closed my eyes. I expected him to pull away, to yell at me, something, but he didn't. Instead, I felt his hands as they snaked around my waist. He pulled my body flush with his and slowly ran his hands up and down my back. I couldn't stop the shiver that coursed through my body.

The rain was coming down harder now, cascading down our entwined bodies. Not that I could feel a single drop. My body was on fire from the feel of his lips, the pressure of his hands, as the sparks flew between us. My toes were curling in my shoes as I fought against knees that had suddenly gone weak.

I was losing control of the situation. I had to stop, but his soft lips were still moving, causing my heart to stutter. I had been kissed before, but nothing compared to the heat that I felt in this moment. Too soon the moment ended and Chase drew back. He was smiling, so at least that was a good sign.

"I'm thinking that hating you would be bad for me," he said as he smiled.

I laughed and gently slapped my hand against his chest. I meant to pull it back immediately, but I couldn't bring myself to break the contact. Instead I kept it there as I stared into his eyes. There was a sparkle there again. Could I have been the one to put it there?

"If you were smart you would stay away from me."

He groaned and took another step away. "C'mon Roxie. Don't push me away. Not after that...that kiss."

I closed the gap between us and slipped my arms around his neck once again. "Guess it's a good thing that you don't know when to run."

His lips met mine, but with a sense of urgency that hadn't been there before. I felt the heat coursing through my veins as he deepened the kiss. His tongue lightly traced the outline of my lips and when my lips parted his tongue gently darted inside, a small moan emanating from me at the sensation. That small noise gave him all the prompting he needed. His arms wrapped tighter around my body, pulling me against his strong chest. My hands slid from his neck and began to roam up and down, delving into his hair and then sliding down to grasp his waist, exploring every inch in between.

My head began to spin from the intensity. I broke the seal of our lips and drew in a shaky breath. My body was quaking as I leaned against him, trying not to pass out. He continued to run his hands up and down my back as I inhaled his delicious scent. I would forever remember this moment, wrapped in his arms, my world lying in tatters all around me. We had gone past the point of friends, even though I had told myself repeatedly that we wouldn't.

"You smell like apples," he mumbled as his nose pressed into my soaked hair.

I couldn't help but laugh. There was something so innocent about his words. "If smelling like apples will get you to hold me like this every day, I'll bathe in a tub of them."

"Now there's a fun mental image."

I leaned back and playfully smacked him on the arm as he laughed. The moment felt so right, but like a douse of cold water on a flame, I remembered that it couldn't be forever. "What happens at the end of summer?" I whispered the question. A part of me needed to know, but the other part was content to delay the inevitable.

"Let's not think about it right now. I just want to enjoy you while I can," he said as he pressed one of my hands to his mouth. I almost melted right there.

"As Katy said, I'll let it go for now," I said as I smiled up at him. My heart was wrapped in warmth and I would give anything to keep it that way. I didn't think we should ignore the future, but that's what people do with summer romances. They burn hot, but fizzle out by the end. We would probably be sick of each other by the time I had to leave.

"By the way, Betty called me earlier. Did you seriously steal her truck?" He laughed at my face as heat rose in my cheeks.

"Damn! How mad did she sound?"

"Pretty darn mad. Maybe we should head there. Ya know, before she calls out the cavalry to track you down," he said with a laugh, releasing his hold on me long enough to grab my hand.

"They're probably already out looking for me. What's one more minute?" I asked as I pulled him back to me and pressed my lips to his once again. If I was going to be grounded anyway, I was determined to enjoy what little freedom I had left.

* * * *

Two hours later and I finally made it to my room. Grandma was really upset about her truck, but she understood why I did it. The part that really made her mad was Chase pulling into the yard behind me. When she saw us she knew something was going on. My lips were swollen and lightly bruised from kissing and his hair was even more disheveled than usual. We were seriously busted.

"Both of y'all get in this house. Now," she said as she stared down at us from the top of the porch. She abruptly spun on her heel and went inside. I looked over at Chase and groaned. I was not looking forward to this conversation.

"Don't worry. We can handle this," he said as he gripped my hand and walked with me up the steps.

It was so weird to hear him refer to us as a "we." It felt right. We spent the next two hours hearing "y'all" quite a bit, once again lumped together. I couldn't help but smile, even if it made Grandma even madder each time I did. Little did she know that she was the reason I kept smiling. Well, that and it was kind of fun to make her blood pressure rise. Some habits are hard to kick. I ended up grounded for a week, but it was so worth it.

Later that night, as I lay on my bed, I called Chase. I was completely caught off guard when a female answered his cell phone. "Hello?" The voice seemed familiar, but I couldn't quite place who it was.

"Um...is Chase there?" I asked, hoping that I had dialed the wrong number.

"Sorry sweetie. He's...occupied at the moment," she replied sweetly.

"Um...okay...who is this?"

A throaty laugh came through the phone and I was finally able to place the voice. Jenn, the witch from the hospital. What was she doing with Chase's phone?

"Don't worry about who I am. He's going to be busy for the next few weeks, so you should probably stop calling. In fact, stop throwing yourself at him. He told me how you have been coming on to him every time you see him. It's pathetic, really," she said as she laughed.

"What? I...I didn't...did he tell you that?" I felt my throat threaten to close up. I had to force the words out as I fought the urge to scream.

"Do us all a favor, _city girl_ , go back to where you belong."

I heard the call end and I pulled the phone away from my ear, staring at it like it was a foreign object. I wanted to scream. I wanted to throw the phone against the wall. But more than anything, I wanted to smash Jenn's perfect face into a brick wall. How could Chase tell her those awful things? When we kissed it had felt real, not like I had forced myself on him. Evidently he had lied about how he felt about me. I knew I should have kept my distance, but no, I had to be _that_ girl. He had managed to fool me once, but I would make sure that didn't happen again. Never again.

CHAPTER FIFTEEN

I spent my week of grounding in my room, only coming out to eat meals, immediately returning to my hole right after. Grandma kept asking me if everything was okay, but I ignored her questions. I didn't want to talk about Chase, especially not with her. She asked if I had been by to see Katy since she went home, but she knew that answer. I hadn't left the house in a week. I had talked to Katy on the phone numerous times, but I hadn't even told her what had happened with Chase. That was my dirty little secret and I wanted to keep it that way.

Sure, it would have been fun to tell everyone what kind of scum he was, but deep down I still cared about him. I couldn't bring myself to talk about him that way. Since I couldn't say anything nice, I didn't say anything at all. Katy offered more than once to come over with a couple of movies, but I declined every time. I wasn't really in the mood to watch a bunch of sappy movies and gossip about people that I didn't even know. What I really wanted was to call Amber.

I never did though, no matter how much I wanted to. I did, however, call my mom. She sounded really depressed, which I expected, but when I had talked to Dad, he hadn't sounded sad at all.

"Mom, are you okay? You sound terrible," I said as I stood in front of my bedroom window, the phone pressed to my ear.

"I'm fine. Just tired, I guess," she replied with a sigh.

"You don't sound fine. You sound terrible. Have you...have you talked to Dad?" I wanted to know how the divorce proceedings were going, but I couldn't bring myself to ask. I didn't want to do anything that might set her off.

"No," she spat the answer at me. "And I don't plan on it."

"Sorry I asked," I said as I released the breath I hadn't realized I had been holding. "Mom, when can I come home?" I had been thinking about home this whole week and I was ready to be there. I couldn't possibly make it through the entire summer here.

"Not yet. I told you. You shouldn't be here for all of this."

"You do realize that children watch their parents go through this all the time, right? I mean, even young kids have been through this. I hate it here," I whined. I hadn't meant to whine, but my sweet voice wasn't doing the job. I wanted her to know how much I detested this situation.

"I'm sorry baby. Once this is all over you can come home. I promise."

We said our goodbyes shortly after, both of us tired of arguing about the same thing. I would just have to tough it out here for a while longer. I decided to go downstairs to see if Grandma had gotten home from the farm yet. She had been staying later and later since I had been grounded. I didn't bother to ask why. To be honest, I didn't really care at that point. When I got downstairs I heard laughter from the living room. I walked in and nearly ran back out. Sitting there, on our couch, was Jenn and Chase. They were talking and laughing with Grandma as if nothing was wrong.

They must have heard my sharp intake of breath. As I made eye contact with Chase his smile grew even wider. He stood up and walked over to me, his arms raised to hug me. I backed away and put my hand up to stop him. He looked at me like I had just punched him in the stomach. I knew he was a good actor, but this was Oscar-worthy.

"Don't come near me. Ever again," I said and he tried to grab my hand. I jerked away from him and took another step back. "I'm serious Chase. Stay away from me."

"What's going on Roxie?" The look of confusion and hurt on his face almost convinced me that he didn't know what was wrong, but I quickly dashed that thought.

"Not a damn thing. That's what," I said as I stormed out of the room, moving towards the kitchen door. I slammed through it and walked to the fridge, pulling out bottled water. I took a long drink and then put the top back on. I looked up to find Chase standing in the doorway, his eyes glued on me. "What?" I snapped at him.

"Talk to me. What is going on?" he asked calmly.

"I already told you, there's nothing going on," I said as I jerked my head in the direction of where Jenn was. "Better get back in there to your girlfriend. Wouldn't want her getting the wrong idea about us."

"My girlfriend? What are you talking about? Jenn?" He laughed loudly, but quickly covered his mouth. "Seriously? Is that what all this is about?"

"You're damn right it is!" I was fuming at this point. How dare he laugh at me! "You talk a good game Chase, but I've got you figured out. I'm not about to listen to anymore lies, especially about me."

"Wait. What lies? Roxie, I've never lied to you, or about you."

"Sure, whatever. Doesn't matter. We are done."

I walked out the back door to the backyard. I didn't want to deal with him anymore. He didn't deserve my time at this point. I heard the back door slam, and when I turned around, I saw him storming towards me. I planted my feet and squared my shoulders, prepared for a showdown. When he reached me he grabbed my arms and pulled me against him. I tried to get away from him, but he was too strong.

"Let go of me Chase! Dammit!" I tried to hit him on the chest, but he didn't budge.

"No! You're going to listen to me!" he yelled as he kept a firm grip on my arms. "I'm not a liar and I don't like being called one. If you're going to accuse me of something, then I should have the option of defending myself." He kept his grip, but didn't pull me against him. My body screamed to be close to him, reacting to his close proximity. Damn traitor of a body.

"You don't get it, do you? Regardless of what you say, this," I said as I tried to motion between the two of us, "isn't going to happen. Just leave me alone!"

"You're doing it again. Pushing me away. I thought we were past that?" he asked as he let go of my arms and stepped away. He crossed his arms across his chest and glared at me.

"What I'm over is you. Take your girlfriend and get out. Just leave!" I screamed at him and ran away.

I didn't bother to turn around to see if he was still there. I didn't care anymore. He acted as if all of this was my fault, but it wasn't me who had screwed everything up. He had done that all on his own. I kept running, desperately trying to get as far away from the house as I could. I just wanted to be alone. Was that too much to ask?

An hour later I returned to the house. I had hoped to avoid Grandma for a little while longer, but there she was. I could see her standing at the kitchen window, watching me as I walked across the backyard. I walked into the house and took my shoes off, avoiding eye contact with her. I wasn't lucky enough to be invisible at that moment.

"Can we talk for a minute?" she asked as she walked over to the kitchen table and sat down.

"I really don't feel-"

"Sit down Roxanne," she cut me off, her tone leaving no room for argument.

I sat down across from her and leaned back in the chair, still avoiding her eyes.

"You've been moping around the house for a week now. You've barely come out of your room and you're avoiding your friends. So spill it," she said as she leaned forward on the table, resting her head in her hands.

"I've been grounded, remember? Hard to hang out with friends when I can't leave the house," I replied.

"Bull. Chase said he's been trying to call ya, but ya never answer the phone. And Katy is always welcome here, so that excuse doesn't fly with me."

"Chase can rot in hell, for all I care. And I've talked to Katy. Every night, in fact."

"A week ago you and Chase were making calf eyes at each other and now you want him to rot in hell? Child, that makes no sense!" she raised her voice in frustration.

I slammed my fists down on the table, causing her to jump back in surprise. "He's a liar and a jerk! He told Jenn-"

"I should have known," she said as she stood up. "Please tell me you're smarter than that. Jenn isn't exactly known for being completely honest. What did she tell ya?"

"Then they're perfect for each other. Both of them are liars."

"Ya don't really believe that, do ya? Seriously. Think back on what you know about Chase. Does he seem like a liar to ya?" She shook her head as she stared at me. "You two may not have known each other very long, but it's obvious to anyone who sees you together that there's something there. Don't throw that away, Roxie. It's rare."

I stared at her intently, unable to form a coherent sentence. She had been against the idea of Chase and me since the beginning, but now she was in full support of us? "I don't know what to believe anymore. I know Jenn is evil incarnate, but...she answered his phone! He was supposed to be home, and she was there! I know you can't possibly see him as the scum he is, but for once...please...take my side on this one. Just once."

My hands were shaking, from anger or pain, I wasn't sure. I wanted to tell Grandma how I felt about him, but even I didn't know. Like she said, I hadn't known him for very long, so why did I feel so strongly about him? It was a frightening thought that another person could have so much control over my emotions. To be honest, I was scared to death.

"This isn't about sides baby. This is about getting to the truth." She sat back down, this time beside me. She rubbed her hand up and down my back, easing away some of the tension that had seized my body. "I know that I probably don't have the right to tell you what to do. I've screwed up with ya, and for that I'm sorry. But I really think you need to talk to him."

I closed my eyes as her words sunk in. I wished I could just forgive and forget that easily, but the dagger was still firmly in my heart, turning a little bit more each time I heard his voice. I had never dealt with a relationship as rocky and unbalanced as this. It was as if we were the same side of a magnet, forced together, but constantly repelling the other. It was so frustrating.

"I don't know what to do right now. I like him. A lot. More than I probably should." I shook my head, my hair falling in my face. "I didn't want to get this close to him. I wanted to leave here at the end of summer with no attachments. This isn't permanent."

She took her hands off of my back, and then lifted my face up to meet hers. "Ya can't tell your heart when to beat. Just as ya can't tell it when to fall in love."

"Love? Who said anything about love? This is about-"

"It _is_ about love, whether ya want to admit it or not." She stood up and smiled down at me. "Fighting the feeling won't make it go away. It'll only make it that much harder."

She leaned down and kissed the top of my head, shocking me in her gentle handling of the situation. I tried to tell myself that I wasn't in love with Chase. I couldn't love someone after only a few kisses. Granted, they were earth moving, soul shattering kisses, but love? I just didn't believe it could be that easy.

* * * *

Later that night, Grandma stopped by my room for a chat. I was already in bed, reading a book by flashlight, when she poked her head in. I was in no mood to talk, but she had to get some things cleared up. She was concerned about me going back to work, especially with Chase being there.

We came to an agreement not to bring Chase up again, which was for the best. The less I thought about him, and the pain he had caused me, the easier it would be to get him out of my system. Grandma told me that if I didn't want to come back to the farm that I didn't have to, but what else was there to do? I couldn't avoid him for the rest of the summer, and I knew that Grandma couldn't afford to lose his help on the farm. I would just have to suck it up and deal with it like the adult I claimed to be.

That first day back at work was tense. We both kept our distance, neither of us trying to talk to the other. The one time I even glanced in his direction I caught him staring at me with a scowl on his face. I shot him a defiant look before giving him a very unlady-like gesture which involved my middle finger. He snarled his lip up at me and immediately averted his eyes. After that, he never looked at me again, at least not that I noticed.

There were a few stolen glances during the day. It was as if my eyes searched him out, begging for one last look. I tried to fight it, I really did, but when your body takes over there isn't much to be done. My mind seemed to be on my side, at least. Every time my body betrayed me it would step up and remind me why he was a bad idea.

When I finished my last chore I packed everything up and walked out of the barn. I was completely exhausted and looking forward to a relaxing bath and an early night. I stepped out into the fading sunlight and found Katy standing there, bags in hand, talking to Chase. I watched them for a minute, noticing how they kept touching each other, completely relaxed. I immediately saw red, the anger simmering right under my skin. I had the sudden urge to jerk them apart, but instead I just walked away.

He had moved on quickly, which just proved that everything I had learned was true. He wasn't worth getting upset about anymore. If he wanted Katy, then fine. They could have each other. I would gladly walk away from both of them. Well, maybe not gladly, but dammit! Did I really need to have it thrown in my face like that?

I was a few feet away from Grandma's truck when I heard Katy calling for me to slow down. I turned to see her running towards me, her arms waving wildly, the bags threatening to hit her in the head. I didn't want to deal with her right then, especially considering that she had obviously been flirting with Chase moments ago. No, I don't have any claim to him, but it hurt to watch them together. I shook my head and tried to remove the image of the two of them together from my brain.

"Hey! Wait up!" Katy was panting by the time that she made it to my side. "Hey. Where ya going?"

"Home," I snapped and threw my bag in the back of the truck.

"I was hoping that maybe we-"

"No," I cut her off and opened the door, climbing in effortlessly. Before I could close it she had positioned herself in the way, effectively stopping me from closing the door. "Move."

"You didn't even let me finish. I've got movies," she shook the bag in her hand and smiled. She raised the other bag, shaking it as well, "And tons of junk food. Come on, it would be fun. A girls' night is definitely in order."

"I think I'm going to pass."

Her face scrunched up in confusion, her brown eyes silently questioning me. "Um...but...Betty said-"

"Grandma doesn't make my decisions. I do. And I don't even want to look at you right now. So please move." I tried to close the door again but this time she grabbed my hand and flung it off of the door.

"Cut the crap Roxie. For once, just say what the hell you mean. I'm tired of walking on eggshells around you." She thrust her hands on her hips, her face scrunching up in anger.

"Fine. You want to know? What the hell was that with Chase?" I pushed her away and stepped out of the truck, slamming the door behind me. A small look of panic flitted across her face as I continued to invade her personal area.

"Chase? What are you...wait. You're kidding me, right? _You_ dumped _him,_ remember?" She took a step closer to me, defiance replacing the panic from moment's ago. "And for your information, we're just friends! Have been since we were five! But you wouldn't know that, would you? You just make assumptions about everyone, automatically expecting the worst!"

She stormed away, making it only a few feet before she turned back to face me. "He really cares about you, ya know. You've got no one to blame but yourself for all of this."

I stood there seething as she stormed away, her angry steps kicking up dirt as she made her way towards the barn. My heart broke a little bit more. I was mad as hell at both of them, but I had already lost him. It hurt to lose the one friend I still had. But I knew I had to stick to it. I couldn't show either of them that they had gotten under my skin, though that might prove difficult given my recent explosions.

Instead, I made a decision that I knew would end badly, but I had no choice. I was tired of always fighting with people, of always being in pain. I had to confront Chase. There was no other choice. My body, my heart, they wouldn't let him go, no matter how much my brain protested. I braced myself and made my way to face the inevitable.

* * * *

I found Chase in the barn's office, sitting behind Grandma's desk, staring intently at the computer screen. His hair was coated in sweat and stuck out in varying directions. I stopped and stared at him, taking in his beautiful face. He was completely filthy, and yet I had the sudden urge to run my hands through his hair and then gently caress the strong planes of his face, taking in every inch of his features. I took a small step forward, the movement catching his attention.

Our eyes met, and for a second I actually thought I saw happiness in his eyes, but it was quickly replaced by anger. He immediately turned his attention back to the computer, so I decided to just walk right in. I closed the door behind me and sat down across from him, the desk separating us as much as the anger we both felt.

"I'm not in the mood for your drama today Roxie. Please. Just go home," his voice shook with restrained anger, and a hint a pain escaped with it.

"I'm not here for drama. We need to talk."

"So talk. I've already said all I'm going to say."

I drew in a deep breath and exhaled loudly, gathering my courage. "Are you and Jenn dating?" I spat it out as quickly as I could; tearing the top off of the biggest problem we had faced so far.

He didn't respond immediately, his eyes raked over my face, causing me to fidget under his scrutiny. "What does Jenn have to do with us? That's the part I still haven't been able to figure out."

"Everything. Nothing. I don't know!" I threw my hands in the air and leaned back in my seat. "Just answer the question."

"No, we're just friends. I mean, we dated a few years ago, but it was nothing serious. But I'm not sure how that's any of your business."

"When I called you...that first night of my punishment," I paused and looked away from his penetrating gaze. "She answered the phone. She...she said that you told her I wouldn't leave you alone. Then she told me I was pathetic."

I lowered my eyes to the floor, unable to meet his gaze after my confession. Why was it so hard to just tell him what she had said? I felt foolish in that moment. Could she have been lying?

"I don't know who to be more upset with. Jenn for saying that. Or you for believing I said it." He stood up and walked to the door of the office. He pulled it open and stopped in the doorway, his eyes finding mine once again. "I'll deal with Jenn. But Roxie...you need to deal with you. I can't stay on this ride with you. Not like this."

I watched as he walked out the door, disappearing from view. I wanted to go after him. I wanted to find out what she was doing at his house that night, but I couldn't force myself out of the chair. I pulled out my cell phone to check the time and noticed that I had three missed calls. Two from Grandma and one from Dad. I decided to call Grandma first.

"Where are you?" she asked when she answered.

"I'm in the office. Where are you?" I replied as I stood up and looked around the cluttered room.

"I'm at the truck. Hurry up. I've got a date with a good book," she said. I could hear the truck's engine start in the background.

"Okay, on my way." I hung up and left the office, pulling the door shut behind me. I ran all the way to the truck, making it in record time. As I approached I noticed another person seated right beside Grandma in the truck. I opened the door and looked into Brian's tired face. He looked exhausted and dirty, two things I could definitely understand.

I jumped into the seat beside him, our hips pressed against each other. The truck wasn't meant for three people, so it was tight fit with all of us in there. He smiled at me and nodded. I returned his smile and then turned to stare out the window. I didn't notice anything strange during the drive until we passed the turn off that would take us to Brian's house.

"Grandma, I think you missed the turn," I said, pointing behind us.

"Nope. Didn't miss it. Brian's coming to our house for the night," she replied, never taking her eyes off of the road.

I didn't question the news. What good would it have done anyway? When Grandma made a decision she stuck to it. Besides, maybe Chase would end up coming to pick up Brian. My heart began to flutter as I thought about seeing him again. I couldn't help but wonder if he would want to talk to me, or what I would do if he didn't. I pressed my forehead to the cold window and closed my eyes, trying to fight the urge to ask Brian. I had to put this out of my mind, at least for the night.

CHAPTER SIXTEEN

I intended to spend my night in my room, curled up with a good book, but Grandma insisted on all of us hanging out downstairs. I tried to get out of it, feigning a massive headache, but she wasn't having any of that. I didn't want to spend my night with her and Brian, or the awkward conversations that were sure to occur.

Brian didn't seem too happy about the arrangement either, but stayed quiet about it as well. When Grandma finally decided to go to bed I was relieved. We could stop acting like we were enjoying ourselves and go our separate ways. As she was walking out of the room she stopped in the wide doorway and looked at both of us.

"This may be a silly suggestion, but it might be helpful for you two to talk," she said with a smile. She turned and left the room. When I looked over at Brian he was looking at me with one eyebrow cocked up at me.

"What?" I asked, pushing my body deeper into the plush sofa.

"I think we've been set up," he replied. He leaned forward and put his book on the coffee table that separated us.

"She's a sneaky old bat," I replied with a laugh.

"That she is. She's been doing this since I was a kid. Must be ingrained in her," he said as he laughed along with me. His words caught me off guard. Since he was a kid? I felt that anger and hurt towards her again. She had been there for him, in some shape or form, since he was young, and yet she couldn't bother to be there for me.

"I wouldn't know," I replied as I hugged my stomach tightly.

"I know you don't believe it, but she does love you. Do you know how many times Chase and I heard about you over the years? 'Roxanne got straight A's' or 'Roxanne made the cheerleading squad.' You were always front and center for her."

"I call shenanigans on that one. If she gave a damn about me she would have been there. She wasn't." I stood up and walked to the window. The darkness surrounding us made me feel more alone.

"There are different sides to every story. You just have to be willing to dig for them." His voice was closer than before, and when I turned around, he was standing right behind me. His gaze was locked on the window as well, so I returned my attention to the darkness.

"Why are you here Brian? The real answer, please."

"I needed a night away. Things at the house are...rough...right now."

I looked at him, really taking in his appearance, and finally noticed the dark purple bruises under his eyes. He looked completely worn out. The last time I saw him he hadn't looked this bad and it worried me.

"Are you and Chase fighting?" I asked nervously. I didn't want to bring him into the conversation, but it seemed inevitable.

He laughed and rubbed his chin before looking at me. "It's more complicated than that. We haven't stopped fighting since..."

"Your dad?"

"He told you about that?" The anger in his eyes flared and disappeared quickly.

"He told me what happened. And how he blames himself for what happened. But he didn't tell me about you. About how you handled everything."

"I didn't. That's the problem. And neither did Mom. She is nothing like she was back then. She barely comes out of her room these days," he replied. He walked back over to the couch and sat down before continuing. "Chase swears that she'll get past it. Get back to normal. But I doubt it. And Chase...he says he's dealing with it. But he's hiding so much from everyone. It's killing me to be in that house."

I had no idea what to say. Brian was baring his soul to me and all I could do was stare at him. I really was socially inept. I walked over and sat down beside him on the couch. I had no words for him, but I knew the power of a hug. They always made me feel better when life got to be too much. I wrapped my arms around him, feeling his body stiffen under my touch. He finally relaxed and leaned against me, burying his face in my shoulder.

We stayed that way for a long time. No words were needed between us, the communication being made by our bodies. When he finally moved away his face was red and splotchy from crying. My shoulder was soaked as well, but I wasn't concerned about it. I smiled at him, but the look on his face caught me off guard. His attention was focused behind me and his face had lost all of its color. I turned around to see what had affected him like that and gasped.

"Seems you move on rather quickly," said Chase as he stood in the doorway, his hands shoved deep into his pockets.

"It's not even like-" began Brian, but I put my hand up to stop him. I rose from the couch and walked over to where Chase stood.

"What are you doing here Chase?" I whispered my question, afraid of what his answer would be. When I looked into his eyes they were swirling with pain. Sure, he looked angry as well, but that was only on the surface.

"I came by to talk to you. Which was probably a bad idea to begin with," he replied as he slowly backed away from me.

"You're right. It was a bad idea. But it seems this whole summer has been built on bad ideas, so why stop now?"

"You're impossible to talk to. Do you know that?" he asked as he looked over my shoulder at his brother. "And what are you doing here? Aren't you supposed to be at Jenn's tonight?"

Jenn's? Brian? I turned around to ask him, but the look of panic on his face told me everything I needed to know. No wonder Jenn had been at their house that night. I felt like such a complete idiot. I stalked back into the room and stood in front of him. At least he had the good sense to look guilty.

"You and Jenn...are dating?" I asked as I felt the bile rise up in my throat.

"Sort of. I guess."

I turned away to find Chase. He was still standing in the doorway, his eyes fixed on me. "She was there to see Brian." He nodded. "Why didn't you tell me?"

"When? When did you give me the chance? You automatically believed everything she said. By the time I found out what you were upset about...I didn't see the point in telling you." Chase walked over to the couch I had occupied earlier and sat down. "Would you have listened, even if I did tell you?"

"Yes. No. I don't know!" I whirled around on Brian. "You should have told me. I _know_ you knew what was going on. Why didn't you tell me?"

"Whoa," Brian raised his hands in front of him and sat back. "I didn't want any part of y'all's fight. I didn't find out what Jenn had done until a few days ago. That's why I didn't want to go to her house tonight."

"You knew?" Chase growled, violently shoving himself to his feet and taking a quick step toward Brian. I quickly put myself between the two of them, pushing back on Chase's chest. "You shit! I've been miserable!" He tried to go after him again, but I wrapped my arms around him, pulling him flush against me. He tried to shake me off, and would have if our feet hadn't become entangled. Instead of rushing at his brother, we both hit the floor. Hard. I felt the air whoosh out of my lungs as my body was pressed between Chase and the unmoving floor.

I tried to push him off, but he was too big for me to move. He raised himself off and stood up, holding a hand out to help me up. "Are you okay?" He didn't release my hand, instead molding his palm to mine.

"I'm fine. Really," I said as I stood in front of him, our eyes locked together.

"You two just need to make out and get it over with," said Brian from behind me. He stood up and walked to the door.

"This isn't over Brian," called out Chase as he tried to pull away from me to follow his brother.

Brian turned to him, a big smile on his face. "You have better things to worry about tonight." He nodded at me and left the room.

* * * *

"So...Jenn and Brian? Didn't see that one coming," I said as I rocked back and forth on the balls of my feet.

"I doubt he did either," he said. "He could do better than her. If he didn't act like such an ass all the time."

"I don't think he's an ass," I replied with a smile. He frowned as he looked at me. "Don't give me that look. There's nothing going on."

"Didn't say a word," he replied with a smile.

His smile turned my insides to mush. There was something so carefree about him, and yet he held so much pain inside. I wanted to wipe away every bad thing that he had gone through. I wanted to be the one to bring him back from that edge he was teetering on. Yet, I didn't know how to proceed. We had been through so much in such a short time. Bumps were normal for new relationships. But these were more than simple bumps. And we hadn't actually gotten to the point of a serious relationship, had we?

"What do we do now?" I asked, meeting his eyes from a short distance away.

"I have no idea. This whole thing seems to be falling down around us every time one of us makes a step. I'm wondering if it's even worth it," he replied, his jaw tense.

I was shocked by his words. He had tried for so long to convince me that we should give "us" a chance, and now he wanted to back out? I couldn't bring myself to fight with him anymore.

"You're probably right," I replied. "This was doomed from the start."

I couldn't meet his eyes as I crossed the room towards him. I nodded my head as I passed by him, making my way out of the room. My heart felt like it was being crushed into tiny bits with each step I took. I had opened myself up, and wouldn't you know,  
I got knocked down again. This roller coaster ride of emotions was too much to deal with. Besides, he deserved someone better than me. Anyone.

"Friends?" he asked, his eyes searching mine.

"Friends," I said as I left him standing there. It hurt like hell to walk away, but if he didn't want this anymore, there was no way I would beg. I'd rather take the heart ache and nights filled with tears than have him look at me with pity as I groveled at his feet. This is for the best. Right?

CHAPTER SEVENTEEN

"So...how did last night go?" asked Brian. He smiled at me as he took a big bite of his waffle. He had been up bright and early this morning, the smile on his face never wavering. I wanted to smack the smirk right off of his face. With a bat.

"It went," I replied as I sipped my coffee. I hated mornings, especially in this house. Waking up before the sun was bad enough, but now I had to deal with Brian and Grandma as well. Neither of them woke up on the wrong side of the bed. I fell out the wrong side, smacking my head as I hit bottom. Yeah, it was turning into one of those days.

"Did you and Chase get all lovey dovey and junk?" he asked with a laugh.

"Nope. We decided to be friends."

He stopped mid-bite to goggle at me, letting his arm fall back down to the table. "You're kidding me? After all that crap, y'all are gonna be _friends_ ," he said the last word as if it was dirty.

"What's wrong with being friends?" I asked indignantly.

"Just seems...like a waste, I guess," he replied. "I mean, he's been miserable, you've been miserable, all because of a misunderstanding. You don't get that upset over someone unless you really care about them."

"He said it wasn't worth it. I didn't argue with him," I said as I set my coffee on the table. I put my head in my hands and took a deep breath. When I looked back up Brian was finishing his breakfast. "I don't know what I feel, okay? I like him. I really do. But what do we do when I go home? It's just a summer fling."

"I can't answer that. And I won't. You two are too damn stubborn for your own good. You don't want something serious. He doesn't want something casual," he said with a shrug. "He's right. Maybe it isn't worth it. But you'll never know if you both run away."

He stood up and placed his plate in the sink. I watched him walk out of the kitchen with a sad smile on his face. Damn him for being so smart. He was right, after all. Neither of us would know if it was worth it if we didn't give it a shot, but we were both trying to protect ourselves from the other. We were looking out for our hearts, trying to ensure they didn't end up smashed to pieces in the end.

* * * *

Every day at the farm felt like a new kind of torture. We'd been _friends_ for a week, and both of us had put on a brave front, but I knew we were both miserable. Anytime we had to speak to each other it was tense and short, nothing like our previous flirty conversations. It was as if we had skipped over friends and went back to being strangers. He didn't smile as much, but then again, neither did I. All I could think about was finding a way to bring that light back to his eyes.

Grandma offered to let me stay home, again, but I refused. Avoiding the object of my pain would do nothing but cause me to think of him more. Go figure. Tonight Grandma and I were heading back to Daisy's Diner for dinner, which had turned into a normal routine for us since I started back to work at the farm. This was our special time, each night, to get to know each other a little bit more. I didn't understand the necessity at first, but after the first couple of days I got used to it, and even began to look forward to it.

As I waited by her truck for her to finish up I saw Katy. I hadn't seen her since our fight over Chase, but I knew I had to eventually apologize for the way I had treated her. She hadn't done anything wrong; I was just angry and hurt. She was walking towards me, her head down, most likely making her way back to her house. I waved to her and called her name, and when her head snapped up she looked both angry and confused.

"Katy, can we talk?" I asked loudly, hoping she could hear me. She hesitated, finally nodding her head as she veered in my direction. I met her halfway and smiled the friendliest smile I could muster. I didn't want to scare her away.

"Hey," she muttered, avoiding looking at me.

"Hey...um...I wanted to apologize. For the other day. I don't know why I acted like-"

"Because you love him, that's why," she cut me off, crossing her arms across her chest.

I couldn't hold in the laugh that burst from my lips. "Seriously? No. I don't...love him. I liked him, that's it."

" _Liked_? As in past tense?" she asked curiously.

"Yeah. We're just friends now."

"You two are idiots. I knew there was something bothering him, but he wouldn't tell me anything," she said as she shook her head in disbelief.

"Gee, thanks."

"No, I'm serious. You two need to get over yourselves and work this out. Frankly, I'm tired of it. You're snapping everyone's head off, including mine, and he's moping like a lost puppy. It's getting really annoying."

I stared at her as she ranted about our stupidity. I didn't know she had it in her, but it made me laugh, and I was finally able to admit that she really was a great friend to have. I just wish it hadn't taken me so long to figure it out. Another strike against my mental capacity.

"I get it. I'm sorry. I promise to avoid chomping on anyone else's head. On one condition," I said.

"What?" She didn't look like she wanted to know the answer, but couldn't stop herself from asking.

"We have to have a girl's night. Tonight," I replied.

"OH MY GOODNESS! Really? It's about time!" she squealed as she jumped up and down.

I couldn't help but smile and squeal with her. I had never been prone to those kinds of noises, but something about her enthusiasm was infectious. There was something about her that made me feel like I had finally found a real friend. One that would be there until the end. I would really miss her when I went home. Just the thought of home brought my mood down rapidly. As we jumped up and down, giggling, I shook off the weary feeling. Tonight was about fun. Tomorrow I could deal with everything else.

CHAPTER EIGHTEEN

Katy talked constantly from the moment we left the farm. I'm serious. It was constant. A part of me wanted to put a pillow over her face as she lay on the floor of my bedroom, but another part of me was just so excited to have someone to really talk to. I've had friends before, but none of them ever asked me what I was thinking. They didn't take the time to ask me if everything was okay, and sure, Katy had already asked me that one at least a dozen times, but it made me smile every time.

"Hey, you still awake?" she whispered from the floor. I leaned over and hung my head off the bed.

"Yep," I replied with a grin.

"So...I know it's none of my business, but..." she paused, taking a deep breath. "Do you really not like Chase anymore?"

"You're right, it's none of your business," I replied as I lay back down on the bed.

"You're not going to answer, are ya?" she asked.

I leaned back over the side and looked her right in the eye. "Why does it matter?"

"It always matters. Besides, I know that he still likes you," she said with a wicked grin. I laughed at her and sat up on the bed. She jumped up and sat beside me on the bed. "Come on Roxie. Why can't you just admit that you still care about him? It's just you and me here."

"Because there's no point. He made it clear that things between us weren't worth fighting for. I don't want someone in my life who doesn't think I'm worth a little bit of pain and strife."

"But aren't you telling him the same thing by acting like you're okay with it?" she asked as she stood up and walked to the window.

"It's completely different. I can't just sit there and beg him to give me a chance. I'd make a complete fool out of myself."

"I'm not seeing any difference in how you've been acting lately," she said. I threw a pillow at her, hitting her squarely in the back of the head. She just laughed and tossed it back at me. "Call him. What can it hurt? I mean, you're _friends_ , right? Friends call friends all the time."

"Let it go Katy. I'm not calling him. I can't," I said as I lay back down and pulled the covers over my head. I heard her walk back to her pallet on the floor and lie down. I didn't want to think about Chase anymore. That ship had sailed already, and I needed to let him go and move on. With only a month left of my vacation, I couldn't let thoughts of him consume me.

The next morning I was woken up by the most obnoxious ringtone in history. No, really, it was _that_ bad. I sat up and looked down at a still snoring Katy, wrapped up like a burrito on the floor. I knew it wasn't my phone ringing, so I threw a pillow at her, hoping she would wake up long enough to turn that horrid noise off. Other than a grunt, I got no response from her. I stood up to find the phone, finally discovering it on the floor by her head, buried under her wild hair.

I picked it up from the floor and dropped it on her chest. This was obviously a bad idea, because she popped up immediately, fists swinging in the air. I jumped away from her, laughing the whole time. She looked like an escapee from an asylum, her hair a tangled mess, sticking out in every direction. She scowled at me and lay back down, closing her eyes.

"Nuh uh. Wake up," I said as I nudged her with my toe. She rolled over on her side and looked up at me.

"No...go away," she said as she wiped the sleep from her eyes.

"Not happening. Your phone has been squawking at me. Do something with it," I said, sticking my tongue out at her as I stumbled to my closet.

I grabbed some clothes and went to the bathroom for a shower. When I got out, Katy was sitting on my bed talking to someone. From the sound of her voice, it wasn't going very well.

"No! I won't tell her anything! You tell her if it's that important," she spoke heatedly. She nodded as she listened to the caller. "Nope. Can't. Won't. Nuh uh. I gotta go."

She hung up and smiled at me. "Good call?" I asked as I ran a brush through my hair, snagging the brush a few times on my unruly curls.

"You could say that. It was Chase," she replied as she threw on a fresh pair of clothes.

"And you're supposed to tell someone something..."

"Nope, nothing," she said. "What's for breakfast?" She smiled and walked out of the room. Following, I couldn't help but smile and shake my head, realizing that this kooky girl was going to be hard to say goodbye to.

* * * *

Monday morning came way too fast, bringing with it the knowledge that I would get to at least see Chase. Pathetic, I know, but a girl has to take joy where she can find it. I was actually ready before Grandma for a change, taking up her job of waiting impatiently at the front door. When she came down the stairs I immediately noticed her pale face and tight-set lips. When she made it to the bottom step she stumbled, her foot slipping, causing her to throw her hands out. I grabbed her to steady her and noticed her hands felt frailer than they had before.

"Are you okay?" I asked, concern consuming me.

"I'm fine. Just a misstep," she replied as she stood up straight again. She tried to give me a reassuring smile, but it looked pained and forced.

"Are you sure? Cause you don't look so good. Have you been sleeping well?" I asked as we walked out the front door to her truck.

"I'm fine. Let it go," she snapped. She let out a deep sigh and turned around to face me. "I'm sorry. That was uncalled for. I just haven't been feeling very good the past few days. I'm sure it's nothing."

"Why haven't you gone to the doctor? What if something is really wrong?" I questioned, hysteria threatening to bubble up.

"I'm sure it's nothing sweetie. Let's just get to work," she replied as she climbed into the truck. I couldn't shake the feeling that something was seriously wrong, but I knew I couldn't push her. She was a stubborn old bird and didn't like being badgered about anything. I contemplated bringing it up to Brian or Chase, but I wasn't sure if they knew she was feeling ill or not. I didn't want to cause any unneeded concern for them.

I jumped into the truck and buckled up, catching sight of Grandma's knuckles that had turned white on the steering wheel. She was hiding something from me, I knew it, but how would I bring it up again without upsetting her even more? I would definitely need to bring in the cavalry on this one. I shot a quick text to Katy asking her to meet me at the farm. Maybe she would be able to talk some sense into Grandma. It was worth a shot, at least.

* * * *

At the end of the day I still hadn't heard back from Katy, which worried me, but as I watched Grandma throughout the day I couldn't shake the feeling that she was getting worse. She stayed in her office for most of the day, most of the time with her head on the desk. I pulled Brian aside to ask him if he had noticed anything weird, but his answer didn't make me feel any better.

"She's been having these 'spells' for a while now. I've tried to get her to go see the doc, but she swears she's fine," he said. "Do you think it's something serious?"

"I...I hope not," I replied as I glanced over his shoulder. Grandma was talking to Chase in her office, both of them in the middle of a heated conversation. Their hands were flying around, both of them more animated than I had ever seen before. "What's going on in there?"

He glanced back at them, and then returned his attention to me. "Not sure. Maybe Chase has noticed as well."

We went our separate ways, both of us assuring the other that we would keep a sharp eye on her. Chase exited the office moments later, a scowl on his face, making me believe that he had lost whatever argument they had been engaged in. I avoided making eye contact with him for the rest of the day. He didn't seem interested in a conversation with me, so I obliged by avoiding him. It was my best defense mechanism so far.

At home that night, as Grandma and I ate dinner, I finally got a response from Katy. She had been with her parents all day, unable to get away, but promised to call me later. I replied and then put the phone away, determined to question Grandma right then.

"I know something's wrong. Let's make this easy, and you just tell me what is going on," I said casually as I played with the mashed potatoes on my plate.

"I can't," she replied. "It's...I can't say the words."

My gaze shot up to meet her eyes. There were tears there, threatening to fall, but she wiped her eyes to try to stop them. "Please. I need to know. If it's that bad, I have a right to know."

She nodded slowly and set her fork down on the table. "You're right. You do. But what I'm about to tell you can't leave this room." I nodded as encouragement, my heart rate racing in anticipation. "I'm sick. Really sick."

"How sick?" I whispered.

"Very sick. I have cancer, Roxie."

I released the breath that I didn't realize I was holding. Her words felt like a sucker punch to the stomach. How could she keep something like that from me? "How long have you known?"

"Since January," she said as tears finally fell, rolling softly down her cheeks.

"Oh God," I said as I slumped back in my seat, my eyes fixed on her face. No wonder she looked so pale and frail. I couldn't believe that I hadn't noticed before now. Was I that self-absorbed that I couldn't tell that my grandmother was wasting away before my eyes. "Are you...I mean, have you...shit."

"Language, young lady," she replied in typical Grandma fashion.

"Screw that! You just told me you have cancer! I think I'm entitled to a few choice cuss words!" I yelled as I slammed my hands down on the table, causing her to jump in surprise. I took a deep breath, trying to calm my rattled nerves. "What can they do? I mean, there's chemo and radiation, right? Have you tried those yet?"

"I didn't want to, sweetie," she said with a sigh. "I talked to my doctor, and from what I could gather, my quality of life would be in the crapper if I did those. I would rather have a few bad days instead of being miserable every day."

"You're giving up?" I asked, causing her to shake her head no. "That's what it feels like."

"It's quality versus quantity. I wanted to enjoy the little bit of time I had left."

I stared at her, my mouth hanging open. It wasn't the first time someone had chosen that route, and I could almost understand why she chose it, but I couldn't understand why I was here. Why had I been allowed to come here when there was no guarantee she would make it through the summer?

"Why even let me come down here? Why not just let me mourn a woman I had never really known, instead of crushing me when you die? That's selfish!" I jumped to my feet, slamming the chair into the wall. "I won't sit here and let you die! I refuse to watch you kill yourself!"

I ran from the room as sobs wracked my body. When I made it to my room I immediately threw myself on my bed, hugging my pillow tightly to my chest. She had known for _months_ that she was dying, and she still allowed me to come down here. I couldn't help but think she was selfish for even entertaining the idea, much less going through with it.

I wanted to break something, scream at the top of my lungs, and cry all at the same time. My mind and body screamed to get out of this house, away from what was crushing my heart. Could I run away? Where would I even go? Katy was with her parents, Brian and I weren't really close, and Chase wanted nothing to do with me. I had no one to turn to. I knew that the smart thing would have been to call Mom and tell her what was going on, but I couldn't bring myself to make that call.

I grabbed my purse and walked out of my room, careful not to make a lot of noise. I didn't want Grandma to know that I was leaving, and I was positive that if I had to look at her right now that I would end up breaking down. I walked down the stairs, careful to avoid the squeaky steps that I had come to know by heart, and made it to the front door without incident.

When I reached the front door I pulled it open slowly, walking out as I pulled the door closed slowly. I spun around as soon as it clicked into place, slamming into a very warm and muscular chest. I was about to scream when a hand slammed over my mouth. I recognized his scent immediately. It had been burned into my memory repeatedly since I arrived in South Carolina.

Chase slowly slid his hand off of my mouth, pulling me away from the front door at the same time. "What are you doing out here?" I whispered.

"Betty called me and said that you were upset and needed someone to talk to. She thought I could help," he said with a shrug.

I grabbed his hand and pulled him down the front steps. When we reached his truck in the front yard I motioned for him to get in and crank it up. He was hesitant at first, but he didn't refuse. We drove away from the house, the headlights off until we hit the main road, and then sped away. I had my window down and the air rushing into the cab of the truck was refreshing. I could smell honeysuckle in the air, something else that I would miss.

When we arrived at the entrance that led to the pond, I was shocked that he had brought me here again. After everything we had been through, he was still okay with me being in his personal spot. The thought made my heart flutter for a moment, until thoughts of Grandma filled my brain again. He didn't open his door this time, instead turning his body to face me.

"Want to tell me why you were sneaking out of the house in the middle of the night?" he asked, his face a hard mask.

"Not really," I replied as I stared straight ahead.

"Too bad. There's something going on with you and Betty. She won't tell me what's wrong, so you have to," he said.

I didn't want to betray Grandma's confidence, but he had every right to know what was going on. I knew that she would be upset when she found out, but right then it felt right to tell him what was going on. Maybe he could actually help, or at least be there for her during those last months when I wouldn't be here.

"Grandma...she...damn..." I tried to say it, but the words wouldn't come out. "She has cancer." I spit the words out in a rush, hoping that it would be easier. It wasn't.

His face crumbled, but no tears came. He was stronger than me, that was for sure. "How long has she known?"

"About six months, give or take a month," I replied, finally meeting his eyes.

"And she didn't think it was important to tell us?" he asked. I loved how he said us. It made me feel like I finally belonged with them, even though he probably meant him and Brian.

"Evidently not. You have to promise not to say anything! Nothing!" I spoke quickly. If he told Grandma that he knew, my butt would be in serious trouble.

"I don't know...how can you expect me to keep that a secret? What about Brian? He deserves to know," he spoke adamantly. He was hurting, and I really felt bad for him, but I couldn't let him tell his brother.

"No. You can't tell him. It would kill him," I replied, my hands shaking in my lap. I was slowly losing my composure.

"I can't keep something like that from him. If she doesn't tell him soon, I'll have no choice but to tell him," he said as he opened his door and got out. I stared at him as he walked to the front of the truck. His gaze was locked on the stars above, his body resting against the warmth of the hood. I gave him a few moments alone before I climbed out as well.

"I have to ask...is Grandma the only reason why you came tonight? I mean...hell, I don't know what I mean," I said as I stood beside him.

He let out a nervous laugh and raked a hand through his hair. I couldn't help but stare as he moved. His nervous habit of playing with his hair had always drawn my eye. There was something fluid and stunning about the way he moved.

"She called. I came. Why? Is there another reason that I should have been there?" he asked, his eyebrows shooting up into his hair line.

"Dammit Chase. You know what I'm trying to ask," I said, my hands still shaking by my side. I could feel my heart rate spike, causing the shaking of my body to worsen. I hugged myself, trying to stop the tremors, but it felt like my entire body was going to fall apart, piece by piece.

"I want you to say the words. I want to hear you ask me," he said as he pulled me into a fierce hug, my body instantly beginning to relax, the tremors subsiding. "I know what I feel, but I honestly have no clue about you."

I snuggled into his chest, basking in the heat of his body. He felt so familiar, so comforting, that I couldn't imagine never being able to hug him again. I looked up into his pleading eyes. He was waiting for me to tell him what I felt for him, that I wanted to give us a shot, but I couldn't find the words to express how much I cared. How he was all I could think about, and that even though I had just found out my grandmother was dying, I couldn't think of anything but him in that moment.

"You still can't say it, can you? You can't admit that you feel something for me," he said as he pulled away from me. My body wept at the loss of contact, my limbs cooling in the evening air.

"Please," I whimpered. "Just...help me. This is new for me, okay? I'm trying."

"I want to help you. I really do, Roxie. But I don't even know where to start. Just answer a simple question for me," he said. I nodded and he continued, "Do you...do you feel anything? For me?"

"Yes," I whispered. "I do. But I don't know what to do about it. I've never...felt this way about anyone before. And it scares me, okay? I barely know you! I shouldn't feel so strongly about you."

He wrapped his arms around me again and I felt complete again. This should have scared me even more, but there was something so right about this moment, this feeling, that I couldn't find the strength to fight it anymore. I hadn't realized how much I had craved this until I was back in his arms. I had been so focused on keeping my distance from this boy that I had starved myself. Now that I was in his arms, I had no idea how I would be able to live without their comfort. And that scared me.

I looked up at him, staring at his handsome face. His lips were curved in a small smile as his eyes bored into mine, taking my breath away. I reached up to run my finger down the side of his face, his skin warm and rugged under my touch. I felt his hands on my back, his fingers in search of bare skin.

I felt the hem of my shirt lift up as his hands caressed my bare skin. My body shivered from the feel of his touch. I ran my fingers through his hair, pulling his face closer to mine. I watched him lick his lips, his tongue darting in and out, and all I could think about was tasting him again.

When our lips met I nearly crumbled. It wasn't as fierce as our previous kisses. This time there was something more there, something beyond lust. Sure, our bodies craved a deeper connection, but this was more than simply physical attraction, as something soft and fragile mingled with the passion that coursed from one to the other. My tongue did a sensual dance with his as his hands explored my body.

His hands gripped my ass, pulling me closer to him; our chests flush with each other's. I could feel his heart beating under the soft fabric of his shirt. I ran my hands over his shoulders, feeling the taut muscles that had drawn my eyes so many times. In that moment, in that position, I was happy. I was content.

When we broke apart we were both breathing heavily and his eyes shone with passion. If we weren't careful things could go too far, too quickly. I was no prude, not by a long shot, but I was no slut either. I wanted my first time to be with someone special. At that moment, I couldn't think of anyone who fit that description better than Chase. But I still wasn't ready. This wasn't the right time. We had more important things to deal with than our raging hormones.

"I can't get enough of you. What is it about you?" He ran a finger gently across my lips and they parted, a small breath escaping. "How long do you think this truce will last? Cause I don't know if I'm ready to give up those kisses anytime soon."

I smiled at him and hugged him tight. I didn't want things to end either, but his words caused a lump to form in my throat. Things would end, eventually. I would go back to New York and he would continue his life here. He would go to college, find a new love interest, and I would do the same. It was inevitable, but that didn't mean that I was okay with it at that moment. I was so far from okay that it terrified me.

CHAPTER NINETEEN

As we drove down the road that led to Grandma's house, my hand encased in Chase's, I felt secure for the first time since arriving in Perry Point. I felt more complete than I had in years. I had a lot of people to thank for that, but the one person who I knew I needed to thank was Grandma. I was still hurt that she hadn't told me that she was sick, but I could understand her reasoning behind it.

We pulled onto the dirt road that led to her house, but my eyes were instantly assaulted by the flashing of lights. I sat up straighter, my heart jumping into my throat as I took in the scene that was unfolding before me. We got to the yard and found two police cars and an ambulance parked there, their lights flashing for the entire world to see.

Before Chase could put the car in park I already had the door open. I rushed to the front steps, taking them two at a time, and slammed into the front door. I grabbed the handle and threw the heavy wood door open, crashing into the wall with a loud smack.

"Grandma!" I ran into the living room, but couldn't find her. I continued to yell her name as I ran out and up the stairs to her bedroom. He door was open and I could hear voices coming from her private space. I ran in and stopped abruptly. She was lying on her bed, her body sweating and convulsing, as emergency personnel surrounded her bed. "Grandma! No!"

I tried to get close to her, but one of the officers grabbed my arm, stopping my approach. I tried to shake off his touch, but he tightened his grip. He pulled me out of the room as I screamed for the woman who was lying there, helpless. When we got in the hall he stood in front of me, blocking my view of her room and what was happening in there.

"Ma'am, I'm going to have to ask you to stay out here. I know you want to be in there with her, but right now it's more important for you to let us do our job," he spoke slowly, his voice full of kindness.

"What's going on? Is she okay? Please! Tell me what is happening to my grandmother!" I was losing control, the words screeching from my mouth.

"We're trying to help her, but I need you to calm down. Okay?" He glanced to the side as footsteps pounded up the stairs. When Chase saw us there he immediately grabbed me and pulled me to his chest, his menacing glare focused on the officer.

"It's okay. Shhh. She's gonna be okay," he soothed me like a child. I wanted to crumple to the floor, but his strong arms held me tight.

He walked with me to my room down the hall, leaving the door open just in case one of the officers needed to talk to me. We sat on the bed, his arms glued around me, as I wept on his shoulder. I couldn't stop the tears this time, and I had no inclination to halt them, even as the sobs racked my body.

"I need to see her. Damn them for this! I want to see her!" I yelled the last part loud enough so they were guaranteed to hear me. I was on the verge of a tantrum and I knew I had to calm down, but the rational part of my brain wasn't cooperating this time.

"Breathe. Deep breaths, in and out," said Chase as he rubbed my arm.

"Why won't they tell me what's going on?" I asked as I stared at the door, willing them to walk through and tell me everything was okay.

"They'll tell you when they know something. I promise. They aren't trying to keep you in the dark," he replied.

"I can't lose her Chase. Not after everything...not now. Dear God...not now," I said as the tears began to pour from my eyes again. I could feel my heart splinter into a million fragments, the pieces falling all around me like glass, destined to be trampled on repeatedly. There was nothing I could do but wait. I had waited all my life to finally know her. I'd be waiting as her life faded slowly before my eyes. I was always waiting for the other shoe to drop, and this time it slammed down with such a vengeance that I couldn't imagine coming back from it.

* * * *

It felt like an eternity passed before one of the officers joined us in my room. His presence made the room feel smaller suddenly, more lonely, and I immediately wanted him to leave.

"Roxanne, the ambulance is transporting your grandmother to Perry Point Hospital right now. They aren't sure what caused all of this, but I promise you, the doctors there are great. They will figure all of this out," he said with a small smile on his lips, the act seemingly forced.

"She has cancer. Please, tell them she has cancer. She...she didn't tell me until tonight," I spoke quietly, feeling Chase's arms tighten around me.

"Thank you. I'll make sure to tell the EMTs that information. Has she been getting treatment?" he asked as he pulled out his notepad.

"No, she didn't want it," I replied.

"Would you like to go with her to the hospital? Or would you like to follow?" he asked as his gaze flickered between Chase and I. I looked into Chase's eyes and he nodded.

"I'll follow behind. Thank you," I said as I stood up, Chase still clinging to my side.

The drive to the hospital was miserable, the flashing lights drawing my eyes like a moth to the flame, making it impossible to focus anywhere else. I could hear Chase talking to me, trying to distract me, but I couldn't focus on him. I kept seeing her face, deathly pale and covered in a sheen of sweat, as she lay on the bed. The emergency personnel had been unable to tell me anything, a fact that unnerved me almost as much as her deathly pallor.

"Roxie? Did you hear me?" Chase asked, drawing my attention away from my dark thoughts. I shook my head wordlessly and glanced at him. "She'll be fine. We have to believe that."

"Can you promise that? Can you promise that she will beat this? No? Didn't think so," I replied sarcastically.

"I would never make that kind of promise. But you can't go in that hospital thinking she won't come back out. Positive thinking, and all that crap," he said as he grabbed my hand, squeezing it tightly.

"I'm _positive_ that this has been one of the worst days of my life. I'm _positive_ that I'm about to lose her after I just got to know her. I'm _positive_ that I wish I hadn't come here," I said. As soon as the words left my mouth I regretted them. "I'm sorry. I didn't...didn't mean that I...I didn't mean you Chase. I'm so glad I met you."

He squeezed my hand again but didn't say anything. I could tell from the look on his face that my words had hurt him, but it was the truth. If I had never come here then I wouldn't feel like my heart was being ripped from my chest. What would I feel like if, when, she died? Would I fall to pieces like my mother did when Grandpa died? I didn't want to feel that way.

"I'm sorry. I really am," I said, turning my attention to the passenger window, away from his pain-filled eyes.

An hour later we were still in the waiting room, no information had been shared with us, and my nerves were becoming raw. I needed to know what was going on. It shouldn't have taken that long to figure it out, right? I mean, it was the cancer doing it, so there should be some type of test that could help her.

"What the hell is taking so long?" I asked as I paced in front of Chase who was sitting on one of the hard couches.

"Sit down, Roxie. Driving yourself crazy won't make them go any faster," he replied as he patted the cushion beside him.

I sat down and leaned back, closing my eyes and resting my head on his arm that was draped behind me. We stayed that way for a while, neither of us needing to say a word. Both of our hearts were being slowly crushed as we waited to find out what was going on. I knew that he was affected by all this just as much, maybe more, than I was. The sound of a familiar ringtone snapped my attention to my pocket. I pulled my phone out, finding my mother's face on the screen, causing me to almost drop the phone.

"Hello?" I answered with a sigh.

"Hey baby. How's it going?" she asked, her voice laced with happiness. She obviously hadn't heard the news yet. Great.

"Mom, there's something I need to tell you," I said as I stood up and walked a few feet away from Chase. "We're at the hospital with-"

"What happened? Are you hurt? Oh my God!" she interrupted me, instantly panicking at the mention of the hospital.

"Mom, calm down. It's not me, it's Grandma," I said as I took a deep breath. "They haven't told us what's going on yet. But I have a feeling it's about..."

"About what?" she snapped, her worry instantly turning to frustration.

"Did you know she was sick? I mean, did she tell you before you sent me here?" I heard her take a sharp breath and I knew. "You knew! How could you not tell me?"

"Oh baby...I'm so sorry. She didn't want you to know! She knew that she would make it through the summer without problems. She didn't want you to spend the summer treating her like she was dying," she said and I could hear the sobs begin to take over.

"But she is! She's dying, and I have to sit here and pretend that everything is peachy keen? What the hell?" I yelled this time, unable to control the frustration that was building within me.

"I know it's hard-"

"No, you don't! You know nothing! You're up there, just waiting for her to kick the bucket! I'm down here, right in the middle of it all! Dammit Mom! You should be here, not me!"

We were both crying by this time and I could no longer find the strength to hold the phone to my ear. I heard it drop to the floor, the dull thud ringing in my ears, but I could do nothing. I collapsed to the floor, my legs turning to jelly as my mom's words sunk in. She had known, from the beginning, and yet she still sent me here. My heart had been pulverized, destroyed, and nothing could bring it back from the damage this time.

I felt strong hands lift me as I fought through the fog that had invaded my head. The pain was unimaginable, squeezing my body until I could no longer hold back the scream. I let it flow from my mouth, my throat taking the abuse of a thousand wrong doings. I could feel Chase rubbing my back, holding me close, but it made no difference. My brain had shut itself off, slamming its gate shut, blocking off the outside world.

"Shhh...it's okay...I'm here," I could hear him whisper those words, over and over, but my cries and screams were drowning him out. I suddenly had the urge to punch something, destroy it the way I felt I had been destroyed. My mother knew, and didn't tell me. My grandma knew, and didn't tell me.

The cries gradually lessened, leaving my throat raw and throbbing. I had never let my emotions control me like that before, but it felt right. I was no longer holding them in, scared that someone would think less of me for feeling, for caring. I raised my eyes to meet Chase's and found his glossy with unshed tears. I snuggled into his chest and let him hold me. I wanted nothing else in that moment than to escape, to leave all of this behind, and return to the day before.

"I'm," I tried to speak, but stumbled, my throat feeling like a thousand needles were trapped inside, stabbing me repeatedly. "Sorry. I'm so sorry."

"No sorry needed," he replied as he pulled back to look at me. "Feel better now?"

"No. I doubt I'll ever feel better. They both lied to me, Chase. They kept something huge from me! I'm not a child. I could have handled it," I said as I felt my emotions bubble up again.

"You may not understand it right now, but I'm sure there's a reason for them doing it. I don't know your mom, but I do know Betty. She would never, _never_ , do something to purposely hurt someone. It's just not in her."

I nodded, trying to appease him, but inside I was unsure. I needed to talk to her. I began to wonder where the doctor was and why we hadn't heard anything yet. I stood up and walked over to the desk, waiting for the nurse to acknowledge me. When she finally looked up, she gave me a pitying smile, proving that everyone had witnessed my little breakdown.

"I was wondering if...if there was any news on my grandma. Her name's Betty Carson," I asked quietly.

She began tapping on the keyboard in front of her, her eyes searching for the information that I craved. "She's stable. Dr. Livingston is in with her right now. He should be out soon dear."

I thanked her and walked back to Chase, but I couldn't sit down. I couldn't sit there and pretend that my world wasn't crashing down around me. I held out my hand to him, and when he grasped it, I pulled him to his feet.

"I can't sit anymore. But I don't want to look stupid standing here alone," I admitted sheepishly when he looked at me questioningly. I needed that comfort. I needed that reassurance that I wasn't alone, and that there was something more than hope to hold onto. Silently, he pulled me into his arms, and clung together, waiting, hoping.

CHAPTER TWENTY

We were standing there, holding each other, when Dr. Livingston made his appearance. He was smiling, and motioned for us to follow him. We followed behind him for a few minutes, finally joining him in his office. I looked around, taking in all of the diplomas and recognitions that covered the walls. In that moment, I was assaulted by the memory of that first day in town, at Daisy's Diner, when I first saw him. The man in front of me was dressed impeccably, his suit pressed and tailored, creating an extreme difference in personas from what I had seen then to what stood before me now.

I felt terrible all over again. I had looked at this man with disgust when I first saw him. And yet here he was, saving my grandma's life, oblivious to the horrible thoughts I had had that day. I had misjudged him horribly and as such, I could barely look him in the eye; instead I searched the top of his desk, my eyes coming to rest on a beautiful silver picture frame. A beautiful couple, clad in dirty coveralls, smiled brightly at the camera. It was a beautiful picture, the happiness and love they felt was real, you could almost feel it just by gazing upon their smiling faces. They were the epitome of happy simply because they had each other.

"There's no easy way to say this..." I tried to listen, but each word he spoke threatened to pull me under again. He kept telling me about possible treatments, which I knew Grandma would say no to, and quality of life. Quality of life? How could he expect any quality of life when she was dying? My head snapped up at his words.

"Quality of life? Really? What, are you going to give her a bunch of pain meds and let her rot in that room? Are we going to watch her waste away? I don't understand! Why won't she do the treatment?" I wanted to scream again, but I registered the feel of Chase's hand resting on my knee and I snapped back to reality.

"Your grandmother does not want to be miserable, and chemotherapy and radiation would make her very ill. The side effects are not worth it to some people, and that's their personal choice. I can't say that I agree with her decision, but ultimately she's the only one who gets to make it. I will be there for her, every step of the way, keeping her in as little pain as possible. But you have to understand. She doesn't want pity. She wants your love." His words were filled with warmth and kindness, but at that moment I wanted to maul him. I wanted to make him suffer the way I was suffering. The way Grandma was suffering. To try and make someone feel the same aching rawness that trembled inside of me with every breath I took. But even as the thought fluttered through my mind I immediately rejected it, knowing that there was no way that I could either cause someone so much pain or that it would ultimately do any good. Yeah, I might feel better for a second, but it wasn't going to change what was happening now.

"I need to talk to her. I can convince her to do the treatment. I know I can," I stood up, determined to fix this. "I have to do this."

"Roxie, wait," Chase stood up and taking my hand, pulled me to a stop. "I know it's hard to accept, but this is her decision. You can't take this away from her."

I snatched my hand away from him and glared up into his mesmerizing eyes, eyes that glimmered with unshed tears. "You're wrong. I'm not taking anything away. I'm helping her."

I left the office and strode up the hallway to her room. I found her room and knocked lightly on the door. When there was no answer I decided to go ahead and enter, pushing the door open slowly. I walked in and found her asleep in the bed. She looked so frail as she laid there, barely covered by the thin hospital blanket that was draped over her. She was barely recognizable as the woman I called Grandma.

I walked over to the bed and gazed down at her still form. Her chest rose slowly, silently assuring me that she was still breathing. I pulled up a chair and sat down beside the bed. I gently lifted her hand and held it as I sat there, until I heard the door open once again. I looked up to find Chase and Dr. Livingston standing there, both of their faces drawn and tight.

"You have to do something. I can't lose her," I whispered to them, my desperation eating away at my strength. "Please."

Dr. Livingston walked over and put his hand on my shoulder. His touch was warm and soothing, easing a small part of my fear, but not enough to completely appease me. "I promise you, we will do everything we can to help her. But we can't go against her wishes; no matter what any of us may think is right."

"She's had a long life," said Chase as he walked over to the other side of the bed, gazing down at the woman he loved like his own grandmother.

"She has made a very large impact on our community," said Dr. Livingston. "I remember visiting Betty and Angela at the farm when I was growing up. They were both so welcoming and kind, never turning me away when I needed a friendly smile. I honestly believe that if it hadn't been for them, I wouldn't have made it through my own childhood."

I listened as Dr. Livingston and Chase sang Grandma's praises, both of them expressing deep gratitude and love for this exceptional woman. It was hard to deal with when I thought about how many lives she had affected. A small part of me wanted to hold a grudge because of her absence in my life, but how could I now? How could I be angry at a dying woman?

It hit me like a ton of bricks as realization slammed into me. This was why no one wanted to tell me about the cancer. Grandma wanted me to love her, and respect her, for who she was, not because she was would be leaving this world soon. She wanted to gain my love and earn my trust because I was willing to give it, not because I was coerced or suffering from some misplaced sense of guilt. It made me think of how terrible I had been to her the whole summer. I had made it a point to upset her on multiple occasions, persistent in my mission to make her miserable.

How could I have been so utterly cold and uncaring? I'm not a terrible person, but I had shown everyone here that they had good reason to believe me to be one. I had been acting like a spoiled brat throwing a monumental hissy fit. I was the epitome of obnoxious, and this woman had done nothing but support me, push me, and love me. I had to figure out a way to make it up to her somehow. At this point I had no idea what I could do, but I knew that I had no choice but to figure it out. Before our time together ran out.

CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE

The drive home from the hospital was filled with mindless chatter, with Chase and I both uncomfortable broaching the topic of what would happen next. I had a mission of my own that I would deal with, but I knew that her condition was worrying him as well. I had to stop thinking of myself for five minutes and be there for him as well. When we pulled into the yard, Chase cut the lights off on his truck and left the vehicle idling.

"I'll come by tomorrow and we can head back up to the hospital," he said as he rubbed his thumb across the back of my hand. "If you want, that is."

"You could always stay," I replied quietly. "I mean, what's the point of leaving if...if you're coming back in the morning?"

He looked at me intently, studying my face as he kept a silent rhythm on my hand. "I don't know if that's a good idea Roxie. Betty would kill me." He let out a nervous laugh, his breathing becoming shaky.

"I think she would understand," I said as I reached over and turned off the truck. As I leaned back my hand grazed his thigh, causing a sharp intake of breath from both of us. I looked at him and found his eyes devouring me hungrily.

"I don't think...I can't stay away from you Roxie," he replied, his voice strained.

"Then don't," I replied as I leaned towards him. I placed my hand on his arm and pulled him closer to me. I lightly kissed him on his cheek, the stubble on his face gently abrading my lips. His smell intoxicated me, drawing me closer to him. Before I knew what was happening, he had his hand at the back of my neck, guiding my mouth to his.

When our lips met I thought my body would combust right there in the cab of his truck. A strange tingling sensation shot from my lips all the way to my toes, causing them to curl. It felt like he was lighting my entire body on fire. Our mouths meshed together, our lips parting slightly only to draw in a breath. When his tongue slipped between my lips I felt lightheaded, like there was suddenly no oxygen in the small space. The feel of him against my mouth caused a ball of heat to gather in my stomach, the burn letting me know I was truly alive.

When we finally broke apart we both struggled to draw breath. I didn't dare pull too far away for fear of never feeling that way again. I had been kissed a few times in my life, but nothing compared to what Chase made me feel. My lips felt swollen from our passionate kisses, the feeling both unnerved and intoxicated me. I closed my eyes as his hand reached up and cupped my cheek, his thumb wiping away a lone tear slipped down, unheeded.

"Please don't cry," he whispered, his lips mere inches from mine. His lips lowered gently to mine again and I gasped, the sensations sending my body into overload. He gently ran his fingers through my curls, his touch sending shivers through my body. My body craved more from him, my fingers exploring his body as we kiss.

"Chase," I moaned, releasing him from the kiss. I sat back and took a deep breath as our eyes locked together. His chest was rising and falling quickly, his body reacting in a similar fashion as mine. "Wow."

"That's the best compliment I've ever been given," he said with a charming grin plastered on his face.

A giggle escaped my swollen lips as I smoothed my hair down from where his fingers had tangled during our embrace. "Are you staying?" I bit my lip as I asked. I was both excited and nervous as I waited for his answer. I wanted him there with me, close by in case I needed him, or he needed me.

"Are you sure this is a good idea?" he asked from under hooded eyes.

"I have never been surer of anything in my life," I replied.

"Remember that answer when Betty is threatening to cut my...ahem jewels off."

I laughed loudly, and then leaned over to give him a quick peck on the lips. He groaned against my mouth and I nearly came undone right there. There was something so sensual about him. No other guy had ever made a groan sound as inviting and enticing as he did. I pulled away quickly, stopping both of us from getting caught up in each other again. I opened the passenger door and slid out of the cab, smiling back at him as he hurried to keep up with me.

* * * *

I closed my bedroom door behind him, the sound echoing in my ears. My nerves took the opportunity to flare up, causing my palms to sweat as I watched him walk around my bedroom. His eyes caressed every surface as his fingers trailed over the few trinkets I had sprinkled around the room. Even after being here for two months I didn't feel as if it was really my room. He picked up a framed picture on the desk and studied the picture of me and my parents.

"Do you miss them?" he asked in a hushed voice.

"Some days more than others," I replied with a chuckle.

He glanced over his shoulder, a sad smile on his lips. He stared at the photo for a few more moments before replacing it on my desk. I sat down on my bed, my back ramrod straight, as I tried to wipe the sweat on my pants. I had never felt this nervous with him before. Evidently being in my bedroom, alone, with no one home, had made my conscience decide to come out and torture me.

He walked over and sat beside me, his fingers immediately seeking mine out. "I think it would be a good idea if I slept on the floor." He smiled at me, but there was still a hint of sadness in his smile. I leaned my head on his shoulder and inhaled his scent, causing my head to spin again.

"I think Grandma would appreciate that if she were here." He kissed my forehead and removed his hand from mine. I felt the loss of his warmth and comfort, my brain finally able to fully function again. "I'll get you some pillows."

I moved to stand but his hand caught my arm. He pulled me down gently, my feet tangling with his, causing me to stumble. I landed in his lap, my hands finding their place on his chest. I could feel his shallow breaths as I tried to right myself. Instead of allowing me to pull away, he drew me closer instead.

Our lips connected, the heat surging through my mouth. I gasped against his soft lips as his hands traveled slowly to my waist. His fingers skimmed the exposed skin between my shirt and my jeans. The rough pads of his palms felt foreign, but not unpleasant. My mind began to wonder what they would feel like in other areas. Areas that no other guy had ever been privy to.

I pulled my lips from his and kissed his cheek, then moved to his neck, my teeth nipping lightly at his skin. He let out a contented sigh as I explored his neck with my mouth, his hands slowly cruising over my skin, making their way higher and higher, until they found the underside of my bra. His fingers grazed the undersides of my breasts and I immediately tensed and pulled away.

"I'm sorry. Too far, got it," he said in a breathless whisper.

I wanted to tell him how good it felt, how right it was, but I just wasn't ready for that next step. I was still a virgin and I knew that if I felt his hands caressing one of my most sensitive spots, I would be giving up my V-card moments later. I promised my parents years ago that I would remain a virgin until marriage, and as unlikely as that seemed now, I had to at least try.

"I'm sorry Chase. It's just-"

"No, you don't have to explain it to me," he said with a smile. "Just promise me something. No matter what happens, I want you to know that you can always say stop. I would never push you to do something you're not ready for. I'm not that kind of guy."

"I know that," I whispered before I kissed him again, my arms wrapping around his neck. Our tongues danced lightly, the fervor from before subsiding, replaced with something more. It was languid, careful, and infinitely tenderer than anything I had experienced so far and yet the passion still pulsed under the surface. When we broke away from each other we were both smiling from ear to ear.

"What was that for?" he asked with a grin.

"That was for being you. For being so understanding." I stood up quickly, pulling him to his feet with me. "Now, let's get those pillows. It's gonna be an early morning."

CHAPTER TWENTY-TWO

I couldn't stop fidgeting as we waited for Dr. Livingston to make an appearance. I tried to sit, but I couldn't get my body to cooperate with my brain. Chase kept telling me to calm down and sit, while Grandma dozed off and on. She didn't seem very worried about what the doctor was going to say. She hadn't been very lucid since we had arrived, which was to be expected, but I had been hoping to talk to her before the doctor got there.

I had lain awake for hours the night before; unable to stop thinking about what was coming. I kept wondering what would happen to her when I left. Who would take care of her when the cancer progressed? Would Chase and Brian be willing to pick up more of the slack on the farm? I was pretty certain that they would do everything in their power to make sure she was taken care of, but could I ask that of them?

A plan had begun to form in my mind, but I wanted to talk to Grandma about it before I made a decision. Something this huge couldn't be decided on a whim. I wanted to talk to Chase about it, but he had been unusually quiet this morning. I didn't want to interrupt his thoughts, so I kept mine to myself.

A knock sounded at the door, dragging my attention from the bare wall that I had been staring at for the past five minutes. Dr. Livingston entered the room smiling. Hope blossomed in my chest. He couldn't come in with that kind of smile and deliver bad news, right?

"Good morning y'all. How's my favorite patient doing this morning?" he asked as he smiled at Grandma. She was slowly waking up, the medications making her extremely groggy. He didn't wait for an answer, instead opening the file in his hands and taking a seat in the only open chair in the room. "We've gotten all the blood work and test results back. It seems that there is a large mass in Betty's right lung. We will need to run more tests before we know for sure, but from the size of it..."

I listened as he talked about a biopsy, white blood cells, and other things that meant nothing to me. I was no doctor, but from what I could gather, Grandma was in serious trouble. This was more serious than Grandma had let on when she told me, and I could feel my blood threatening to boil again. I tried to calm myself down, not wanting to have another breakdown right then. My head was spinning as he told her about the treatments that were available, and their success rates.

"I already told ya Doc. I don't want treatment. They'll kill ya faster than anything else," said Grandma as she tried to sit up in the bed. I moved as if to help her, but she shooed me away. Once she was upright, she continued. "I just want to enjoy what time I have left. By the way, happen to know how much time that would be?"

"It's too early to tell conclusively Betty. Besides, those are only estimates. No one but the good Lord knows when He'll call you home," said Dr. Livingston.

"Grandma, please. Won't you even consider treatment? I mean, what if it saves you? Would you really walk away from something that could save your life?" I asked in a rush, my anger clawing to the surface, demanding release.

She stared at me like I had grown two heads and shook her head. "No, I won't consider them. I made up my mind months ago. This is what I want."

"Be damned what the rest of us think or feel, right?" I stood up in a huff. I stormed out of the room, slamming the door shut behind me. I ran down the hall at full speed, my shoes slipping occasionally. The stark white walls flew by, no longer looking clean. They were the walls that housed disease and despair, and in that moment, I wanted to blame them for what was wrong with Grandma. I needed someone to blame.

I pushed my way out the front doors of the hospital and took off at a full run again. I had no idea where I was going, but I knew I couldn't stay there any longer. Every minute spent there felt like another minute of her life being carved away. It was irrational for me to blame others for the cancer, and as much as my mind knew that, I couldn't stop the rage induced thoughts settling in my heart and mind.

I slowed down once the hospital was out of view. I found myself on an unknown street, a few houses on either side, all of them picturesque and haunting at the same time. They resembled what I had used to call a perfect home, but I now knew that those walls probably hid secrets and pain, as every other house does. I watched as a mother and daughter played in the front yard, both of them in bathing suits, as they ran through the sprinkler. It was a simple joy. One that I had never experienced before.

I never thought that I had missed anything growing up in New York City. I had everything a little girl could ever want. My parents bought me the latest toys, took me to see all the Broadway shows, and my mother took me for a spa day every weekend. Life was great; at least I had thought it was when I was living it. Now, I found that while I may have had everything I ever wanted, I hadn't had everything I needed.

I had needed a parent who would run in the front yard with me, laughing while the water splashed in our faces. I had needed a parent who spent time, not money. I had needed a parent who showered me in love, not presents. I had needed that parent that I watched in the front yard. I had needed a real home, not a penthouse suite. A yard, trees, a garden, all of those things that people spend their leisurely days tending to.

I kept walking as these thoughts swirled through my mind. The air was refreshing, opening my soul a little bit more with each step that I took. It was nice to just walk and let go of everything that was happening back at the hospital. My idea from last night was all but forgotten, only resurfacing as I thought of Grandma's future. I wanted to help her. I wanted a life here in Perry Point, with the people who loved me, but how could I have that life?

I walked until there were no more houses, only trees. I didn't recognize where I was, and my nerves were beginning to fray again. Chill bumps broke out on my arms along with the nagging feeling of being watched. I glanced over my shoulder, but didn't see anyone. I peered into the trees that surrounded me, but there was no movement.

"Breathe. Get yourself together," I said to myself. I decided this was the perfect time to turn back. I could only escape reality for so long before it would come crashing back, making its presence known once again. I had a sinking suspicion that when it did, it would hit me with a vengeance. As I made my way back towards town, I couldn't shake the feeling of eyes boring into my back. I repeatedly glanced over my shoulder, paranoia beginning to get out of hand.

I was suddenly aware of the sound of footsteps behind me. I increased my speed, hoping to out run whoever was approaching. I didn't want to look behind me, but my body was in control now. When I saw who was behind me I immediately stopped.

"Are you trying to scare the crap out of me?" I yelled as Chase sped up to close the distance between us.

"I wanted to make sure you were okay," he replied. He came to a stop in front of me, his hands immediately seeking mine out. I snatched them away and put them in my pockets. I didn't want to touch him right then. I didn't want him to take away my pain and anger. I needed to feel all of those emotions for myself. "Sorry. I just thought that..."

"I get it." I took a deep, calming breath, the air filling my lungs to capacity. It felt heavy and oppressive, almost as if I was drowning right there on the sidewalk. "I just needed some time by myself. Away from everyone."

"Betty's pretty upset right now. She wants to talk to you about all of this."

I turned away from him and continued my hurried walk. "I don't want to talk to her right now. Not while I'm still mad. I need...time." He grabbed my arm and pulled me to a stop. I tried to pull back, but this time he kept his grip firm.

"Do you really think she has all the time in the world right now? Every moment you spend mad at her is one you won't get back. Is that what you really want?"

"She waited this long to tell me about it, so she can wait a day or two while I work things out in my own head. I don't need your guilt trip Chase. I know what's happening. She's dying. I'm...we're losing her." He pulled me to his chest, but I pushed away, my hands balling into fists on his chest. He looked hurt, almost as if I had physically slapped him across the cheek. "Push everyone away if you want. Seems to be what you're best at."

My jaw fell open at his words, but I quickly recovered. My hand cracked across his cheek, the sound echoing all around us. "Screw you." I growled out the words, desperately trying to maintain my composure as a fist seemed to squeeze my heart, wringing the life from me as I mentally reeled from his words. "I don't need your help. I don't need anything from you. Just leave me alone!"

I took off at a run again, this time not bothering to look behind me. I knew he wouldn't be there when I turned. There was nothing left to say between us now. Everything we had built had once again come crashing down around us. This was one more sign that I needed to just go home. I could head back to New York and still have a few weeks of summer left to spend with my friends. I wouldn't miss this year's White Party. I could make up with Amber.

That last thought caused my heart to clutch again. I grabbed at my chest as my steps faltered. I couldn't keep going anymore. I had to sit down, but as I made the move to sit, my vision grew blurry, turning gray at the edges. Before I knew it I was falling, and my face made contact with the pavement. My last thought before everything went black? I wished Chase were here.

CHAPTER TWENTY-THREE

I heard muffled voices calling my name. I tried to open my eyes, but it felt like there were lead weights on my eyelids, holding me in perpetual darkness. I took in the emptiness; basked in it for a moment, before I fought my way out. I slowly opened one eye and I was instantly blinded by an overhead light. I quickly closed it again and groaned. I felt like I had been run over by a truck. Every part of my body hurt.

"I think she's coming around," said a female voice. I felt a warm hand on my forehead as she spoke again. "Roxanne, can you hear me? If you can hear me, please open your eyes again."

A part of me really wanted to do just that for her because her voice was shaking with fear, but there's another part of me that would rather stay in the abyss. I could be happy there. No one is dying there. No one has lied to me there. No one treats me like a child there.

"Why is she not responding? Didn't she just open an eye?" asked a masculine voice that seemed to be further away.

The warm hand left my face and I hated the lonely feeling that replaced it. Maybe I couldn't be happy here. Could I live without the comforting feeling of someone's body near mine? I began to doubt that choice. I slowly opened my eyes, trying to adjust to the glaring light.

"Light," I whisper. I hear footsteps cross the room and then the lights were blessedly turned off. I let out a sigh of relief and resumed the effort of opening my eyes. I turned towards the direction of the female voice from moments ago and found Katy standing beside the bed.

"Hey girl. 'Bout time you woke up. We've been sitting here freaking out for hours," she said with a tense smile. She looked extremely uncomfortable standing there, her eyes darting around the room, keeping a watchful eye on everything around her. "How are you feeling?"

"I've had better days," I responded weakly. This caused a relieved chuckle to flow through the room. "I'm okay." I squeezed her hand that rested on the side of the bed. She finally gave me a real smile, one that reminded me of the joy she had shown that first day we met.

"What happened out there?"

"I...I'm not sure. The last thing I remember was running away from..." my eyes shot up, searching the room, as I remembered who I was running from. There, in the corner of the room, stood Chase. His eyes were focused on the floor as he rocked gently back and forth on the balls of his feet. "Chase. I was running from Chase."

His haunted eyes slowly met mine and my heart stuttered. He had the same weary expression that Katy had, but his skin was devoid of all color. His mouth was set in a tight line, no smile played across his lips. Katy glanced back at him. A silent message passed between them before Katy returned her focus to me.

"I'm going to give you two a few minutes. I'll run down to the cafeteria for a soda real quick." She quickly turned and left, completely ignoring my grunts of protest. I looked away from Chase. Looked anywhere but at him. I still wasn't sure if I was ready to face him, but he gave me no choice. He quickly closed the distance between us, sitting down in the chair beside my bed.

"Katy has been worried out of her mind."

"I didn't mean to worry...her," I replied. I played with the edge of the thin blanket that was draped over my body. "I'm not even sure what happened."

"Dr. Livingston believes it was a blackout. Caused by an emotional upheaval. Or some crap like that." He reached up and grabbed my hand, bringing it to his lips. He kissed the back of my hand so gently that I could barely feel it. "Rox, I'm sorry. I know I keep saying that, and I'll probably say it a thousand times more, but I mean it. I shouldn't have said-"

"No, you were right. I do...push people away. And I was pushing you away. I think a small part of me is wishing that you would just hate me and get it over with. Then it would be so much easier to leave."

"Is that what you want? To leave?" he whispered against my hand. The feel of his breath against my skin brought back memories of our night in my room. I shivered as I remembered the feel of his calloused hands sliding across my skin, on the underside of my breast.

"I don't know...maybe. I don't know what the hell I want anymore. One minute I want nothing more than to rip your clothes off," his mouth fell open in shock, causing me to giggle. "And other times I want to go home. I miss my parents. I miss the city. But if I leave...what happens to Grandma? I just don't know."

Chase stood up and walked over to the window, his hands nestled in the front pockets of his jeans. I stared at his back, noticing the way his t-shirt clung to his shoulders, his muscles on display for all to see. I let my eyes trail down his body, taking in his form, branding the image in my memory.

"So...that's what you've been worried about? Going home?" he asked without turning around.

"It's what I've always worried about. But...the thought of going home hasn't felt right lately. Every time I think about it, my stomach knots up and I feel like I'm gonna puke." I pulled myself up to a sitting position and watched as Chase turned back towards me.

"Then stay. Obviously you like it here. Why not just stay here? Who said you have to go back to New York?" The hope in his voice and in his eyes nearly broke my heart. I could tell this was something that he felt strongly about. I had been thinking about that the night he stayed in my room, but I hadn't had a chance to really make a decision.

"I don't think that is going to work. My life is in New York. Besides, my parents would never let me."

He walked over and sat down on the end of the bed. He grabbed my hand and squeezed. "At least consider the option. You still have a few weeks until you have to leave. I'm not asking you to make a decision right now, but at least think about it. I care about you. A lot. I don't think life around here would be the same if you left."

"Chase...I can't...my parents. Look, I'll think about it. That's all I can promise," I replied in a rush of words. I didn't want to tell him that the seed had already been planted. I hadn't talked to my parents about it yet, and I didn't want to get his or Grandma's hopes up. Regardless of what they were going through right now, there was always the chance that they would say no.

I couldn't help but wonder what would happen if they said yes. Could I really give up my old life for one here?

* * * *

I was finally by myself, after two hours of being watched over and coddled. I didn't mind someone taking care of me, especially someone as hot as Chase, but I needed to be alone. I needed time to think about what I was going to do. A knock at the door caused me to jump, and then let out a loud sigh. I didn't want more company and I thought I had made that perfectly clear.

"Am I in the right room?" asked a woman as she poked her head in the door. I had a vague recollection of her face, but her voice was the trigger. Cindy. My mother's old friend who had tried to welcome me to town when I first arrived. Out of all the people in the town, why would she be here? Especially after the way I had treated her that day. "May I come in?"

I sat up in the bed and pulled the blanket up to my chest. "Sure, come on in." She walked in, looking much less nervous than she had that first day. It was hard to imagine that it had been over two months ago. "What can...what brings you...what are you doing here?" She smiled at me and some of my apprehension dissolved.

"Betty called me. She said that she hoped you and I could talk. About...well...everything. What she's going through. What you're going through. Anything and everything," she replied as she stood at the foot of the bed. I waved my hand, indicating that she should sit down, and she lowered herself down on the edge of my bed. "I don't expect that my words will change your life, but I hope that you at least hear me out."

"This is about the cancer, right?" I was nervous. I didn't know what this woman, who I barely knew, could possibly understand about what I was feeling.

"My mother died when I was eleven from Breast Cancer," she started. "She was such an amazing woman, so full of life. But when she was diagnosed she lost something. I didn't know what it was then, but I know now that it was her hope. She kept hearing that her only choice was radiation and chemo. But she didn't want that. She had heard the horror stories."

Cindy stood up and paced the room; her shoulders slumped as she walked. "She didn't want to live like that. The doctors told her that her survival rate would be even lower if she didn't, but she knew that either way, she was going to die. She wanted to die on her own terms. She didn't want a doctor lowering the boom on her, telling her when her life would be over."

I slid to the edge of the bed as she spoke, my legs swinging over the edge. "How long did they think she would live?" I had to ask. Her mother may not have wanted to know, but I needed this. I needed to know what I was facing.

"Six months," she said with a sad smile. "But she defied all odds. She resisted the treatments, instead just making a bigger effort to take care of herself. She lived another two years before her body just gave out." She stopped pacing and looked me right in the eye. Her face was determined and strong. "I'm telling you this because your grandma needs you to understand why she chose what she did. She didn't choose this path to hurt you. She chose this path to save you some pain."

"I get it. I do," I said as I stood up and planted my feet. "I don't want to understand, but I do. It's hard to watch someone you...care about...shit. Love. Let's just be real about it. I love her. It's hard to watch her die. It would be easier if she..." I couldn't finish the sentence. It was too much to say aloud. _If she would die quickly._

Cindy walked over and pulled me to her, her arms squeezing me tightly. "I, better than anyone else, know how you're feeling. It's okay to feel that way. Embrace it. That anger will help you. But just remember that the anger you feel isn't toward her. It's toward the disease." She lightly kissed me on the forehead before pulling away from me. "I also want you to know that I'm here. When you leave, I'll be here to help Betty. I would never abandon her, especially since she basically saved my life when I was a kid."

I was confused by her statement. Grandma saved her life? "How?" I asked quickly. "I mean, what did she do?"

She turned away from me, but I caught sight of tears welling up before she could hide it. When she spoke, the pain was stifling her words. "When my mother finally succumbed to the disease, your grandmother took me in. She let me into her family. My dad was never the same after she died, always drinking and yelling. He wasn't a perfect man before she died, but after...It was like living with a stranger.

"So Betty convinced him to give up custody of me. She knew that your mother and I were already like sisters. It wasn't a stretch for us to make it permanent." She paused as she wiped away the moisture that had escaped her eyes. "To this day, I've never told anyone what I had planned to do. The day before she took me in, I had contemplated ending it all. I missed my mom so much...all I wanted was to see her again."

Cindy sat down again, lowering her head to her hands. She could no longer control herself, her body shook as her emotions took over. I could do nothing but stare at her. She was opening up, telling me things that she hadn't even told my mother. My mother who was her best friend, and her sister, for years. I knew there was nothing I could say that would help her. She had to get all of this out in the open on her own.

"Betty saved my life. I stayed with your family until I was eighteen. Angela and I were sisters by then, but we fought like them as well. When we went our separate ways for college, we lost touch. I've regretted that every day of my life." She looked up at me, her face red and puffy from crying. "I kept in touch with Betty over the years, but we slowly drifted apart. I was no longer here to see her, and she wouldn't leave the farm long enough to visit. So...we lost touch for a while."

I snorted as I thought about how many people Grandma had deserted all because of that stupid farm. "That farm seems to be her only true love," I replied, the bitterness strong in my voice, but I didn't want to control it. At that moment, I wanted vengeance for my mother. For Cindy. These two women, who loved Grandma, who had lost out to a piece of land full of smelly animals. "She treated my mother the same way."

Cindy looked shocked by my words. There was a flicker of hurt on her face, but it passed so quickly that I could have been mistaken. "You're wrong. It wasn't the farm itself that meant so much. It was the people here who still needed her. Chase...Brian...just to name a few. These are kids from broken homes. Kids that wouldn't know the true meaning of family, because theirs were so completely torn apart."

I was getting angry. Could she not see what had actually happened? Grandma had made her choice, and it hadn't been her or my mother. "What about you? And my mom? What about the two people that she called her own? She threw you both away. How can you say that she is this savior, when she has hurt those around her for years?"

"She let us grow on our own. That's not letting us go. Sometimes there are times that we, as adults, have to make hard choices. She chose to help those that were still here. Without her, Chase and Brian would have ended up God knows where. Their parents weren't bad. Just self-absorbed. They both spent too much time working, not enough with their kids. Betty stepped in, offered to babysit for them, and the rest is history."

"When their dad died, their mother completely closed off. But they aren't the only kids that your grandma helped. There are more. A lot more." I could hear the reverence in her voice when she spoke of Grandma. I still felt the loss deep within my heart, but at least I now knew why she had done what she had. I wished that she had told me, but then I thought back to our conversations. Most of them ended in yelling. Not once had I ever allowed her a true chance to tell me about her past.

Never once had I stopped thinking about how I felt and put myself in her shoes. Until now. And I now knew that all the pain and anger I harbored towards her was unfounded. She hadn't abandoned me. She knew that my parents took good care of me and that I would want for nothing. If what Brian told me was true, she had kept tabs on me and my achievements growing up. She did care. She just knew that there were others who needed her so much more than I did.

The full realization of everything I had put her through over the summer came slamming back into me. I had been a monster to her, never giving her the chance to truly know me. She had tried, but I pushed her away every time. Everyone around me knew me better than I knew myself, all of them picking up on my insecurities and issues long before I even realized it. I knew right then and there that I had to make it right. I had to make the most of the time we had left.

With my mind made up I walked over to where Cindy sat. I placed my hand on her shoulder as she looked up at me. "Thank you." She smiled up at me and I returned the gesture. My mind was made up. My next step was to make a few phone calls that would change the course of my life forever.

CHAPTER TWENTY-FOUR

A week later, as I sat in Grandma's truck at the airport, I waited for my parents' plane to arrive. I had called them that night, after Cindy left, and talked to them about my idea. They weren't happy, not in the least bit. They couldn't understand why I wanted to do this, but before they would even consider it, they wanted to come down here and talk to me and Grandma.

I told Grandma that they were coming a few days ago. She was confused as to why they would visit, but I assured her that all would be divulged once they arrived. She had remained suspicious of me since then. Chase told me that she had tried to get the information from him, but he kept his lips sealed. He knew, of course, that they were coming and what I planned to talk to them about. The day I told him I swear he was the happiest I had ever seen him.

"Are you serious? You're staying?" he asked, his hands shaking in his lap. We were sitting on the back of his truck, both of us lost in the beauty of the Southern night sky.

"That's my goal. I want to stay with Grandma. She needs me," I replied as I stared up at the sparkling stars in the sky. "Plus, there are a few people here that I would really miss if I left."

"I can think of one person who would be devastated."

I turned to face him, a wide grin on my face. "Oh really? Who would that be?" I wanted him to say the words. I wanted him to tell me what he felt for me.

"Brian would be so ups-" I clapped my hand over his mouth as his body began to shake with laughter. When his giggles subsided, I removed my hand, giving him the best glare that I could muster, even though I was dying to laugh as well. "While I'm sure he would miss you...it's not him that would be devastated. It's me."

I leaned over and kissed him. He had said the words that I had been waiting so long to hear. I pulled back and looked down at his face, my fingers lazily tracing his jaw. "I guess I would miss you too."

We spent the rest of the night under the stars, both of us caught up in the excitement of me staying in Perry Point. It was that night that I realized that I was in love with him. This wasn't one of those childish infatuations. This was serious. My whole heart was invested in this boy. Man. I tried to convince myself that Grandma was the only reason I had for staying, but deep down I knew that it had a lot to do with Chase as well. I couldn't see my life without him in it.

My thoughts of that night were interrupted by a quick tapping at the passenger window. I looked over and there, looking ten years older, were my parents. Both of them looked like they had aged overnight. It wasn't overnight, but it was still far too much for such a short time span. I got out and gave them both a hug, neither of them wanting to let go when it was their turn. I helped them load their suitcases in the back of the truck and then got back in the driver's seat. I watched as Mom climbed into the middle of the bench seat, with Dad sliding in after. They tried not to touch, but the space was so small that they had no choice.

They rapid fired questions at me as we drove to Grandma's house, but I refused to answer any that involved my recent decision. I wanted to talk to them and Grandma at the same time, that way everyone involved would hear what I had to say. I knew that all of them would have reasons why I shouldn't stay, but none of them could give me one good reason why I should go. I was prepared to face the firing squad. I just hoped that I made it out relatively unscathed.

"Roxanne, I know that you feel that this is the right choice, but Grandma is a strong woman. She wouldn't want you to give up your life for her." My mother couldn't understand my choice, and that was okay, but I had to convince her that it was the right thing to do. "Is this because you feel guilty?"

"Ugh, Mom. This has nothing to do with guilt. I have a lot to feel guilty about, sure, but that has nothing to do with this. Now, no more questions about this. Why don't you tell me how things are going with you two?" I asked as I briefly glanced at each of them. Neither of them looked eager to talk about the divorce. Every time I had spoken to them on the phone they had each avoided answering me.

"There's nothing to really tell. The paperwork will be finalized in a few weeks," replied Dad. He was tense. His body looked coiled, ready to attack, or defend against an attacker.

Something felt wrong about the whole situation. He had been so adamant about the divorce when I left, but now it seemed like he was regretting it. "That's...good. I guess..." I didn't know what else to say about it. I wasn't happy about it, so I wasn't about to pretend that I was. At the same time, I wasn't that upset about it either.

"It is what it is, I guess." Dad's voice was sad and resigned. I had the sudden urge to fix this. If it was possible.

"This may sound odd...but hear me out," I began, tightening my grip on the steering wheel. "The paperwork isn't finalized, right? I mean...couldn't you guys give it another go?"

"Roxie..." my mom began. "It won't work baby. Your father and I...we need to be apart for a while. We need the time to work things out for ourselves."

A loud sigh sounded from Dad, but his attention was focused on the scenery that passed by his window. "Dad? Are you okay?" I asked, hoping to open him up. I could tell he needed to say something, but there was something holding him back.

"What?" He turned to look at me and, if it was even possible, he looked even sadder. "Oh, no, I'm fine. Your mother's right. It's not possible."

I tried to ask him what he meant, but they both clammed up immediately. Mom seemed more on edge than ever. She played with the strap of her purse, rubbing her fingers over the smooth leather constantly. I decided to let it go. For now. I would find out later what was going on with the two of them.

* * * *

I was so relieved when we finally turned onto the dirt road that would take us to Grandma's house. The ride had been strained since our earlier conversation and I was dying to get out of the truck. Mom and Dad were being civil to each other, but to me that was worse than yelling. At least there was passion when they screamed.

"This is where you grew up?" asked Dad with awe in his voice. "You never told me-"

"Yes. This is where I grew up. And I didn't tell you because it didn't matter."

I looked at both of them and shook my head. One more thing that Dad would be able to hold over Mom's head. Neither of us had ever given much thought as to why she had kept quiet about her childhood. I remembered asking him once, when I was a child, why she avoided the questions, but he couldn't give me a straight answer.

I parked the truck and got out, the humidity no longer taking my breath away, but still stifling. I waited for them to get their luggage from the back, then turned and walked up to the front door of the house. Mom was slowly making her way behind me, but there was hesitancy in her steps. I met her eyes, but she quickly averted them. She looked scared, but I couldn't figure out what could be bothering her so much.

Before we made it to the top of the stairs Grandma opened the door, her apron covered in flour, and the smell of freshly baked cookies wafted towards us. I inhaled deeply, taking in the delicious scent. She hadn't made cookies since I was here, so I was a little bit shocked that she actually knew how. She rarely did any cooking, now that I thought about it.

"Cal," she nodded at my dad, and then turned her attention to her daughter. "Angela. It's good to see you two again. Come on in." She turned and moved out of the doorway. We all walked in, everyone avoiding making eye contact with each other. So odd.

I walked into the living room and sat down on one of the armchairs, slipping my leg over one of the arms as I watched my parents sit down on the couch. They sat at opposite ends, neither of them wanting to be close to the other. When Grandma made her way in, her lips were set in a tight line and she appeared to be quite upset.

"You two need to remove the corn cobs in your rears right now. This here is my home, and I won't have that kind of crap going on," she said as she swatted my leg off the arm of the chair. I sat up straight and watched as she approached them. "Now, we all know that you two are getting divorced. It's no secret. But that's not why you're here. Right?" She directed the last part at me and I nodded in agreement.

"I know why we're here. And I'm completely against the idea. Roxie is entirely too young-"

"Stop. Right there. You may know why you're here, but I don't. Roxie? It's time you tell me what's going on," she said as she sat down between Mom and Dad. I drew in a deep breath as I tried to find my words. I had to make sure I said this right, or all of them would squash my idea in a heartbeat.

"Well...I called Mom and Dad earlier this week and told them my idea," I began, my voice shaking. "I was thinking that...maybe, if you'd want me...that I could stay."

Grandma looked at me for a moment, her face a mask of confusion. "Stay? As in not go back to New York?" I nodded. "Roxie, baby, you don't have to do that. I'll be fine, I promise. I could never ask you-"

"But you're not asking. I want to stay. I want to be here with you. I don't want...I mean...you're dying and-" Grandma held up her hand to stop me. I gasped for air, my lungs suddenly working against me. Before I could have a complete meltdown I felt arms engulf me, pulling me to a solid chest. Shocked, I looked up into Chase's beautiful face. "What are you doing here?"

"Betty called me. Told me you might need me," he said with a smile. My savior. I could feel my body reacting to his, sending a flush to my face. I looked over at my parents who were both watching us like hawks.

"Roxanne? Who is this?" asked Dad as he stood up and walked over to us. He extended his hand to Chase who shook it. "I'm Roxanne's father. It's nice to meet you..."

"Chase. It's nice to meet ya sir," he replied as he dropped my dad's hand. The two most important men in my life stared at each other for a brief moment before my dad took a step back, dropping his heated gaze. "I've heard so much about you both."

My dad's face broke into a mischievous grin. "I wish I could say the same, son. Roxanne hasn't been very forthcoming with that information."

"Okay folks. Let's get back on topic here," said Grandma. "Roxie wants to stay. As much as I would love to say yes to this, I think it would be a good idea for everyone to think about this." She turned to face me. "Baby, I know you think you want this. And I want you to want this. But this is not the best place for you. I'm sick, and there's no telling when I'll get worse. I want you to think on it for a few more days."

I shook my head and stared her in the eyes. "Grandma, I know what I want. I want this," I said as I waved my hands around the room. "I want to wake up each morning knowing that I get to see you for another day. I want to spend my days with you on the farm. I want a life filled with people who are genuine and true." I turned and looked at my parents. "Mom. Dad. I love you both, and I love the life you have given me. But it's not what I want anymore. I have real friends here. They love me here. Please, don't take this away from me."

Their faces fell in disappointment. I knew I had hurt them with my words, but I had to be honest with them. One thing I had learned from being here was that being completely honest was the only way to be. "Say something. Please." I couldn't stand their silence. I dreaded their answer, but I had to hear it. My future literally hung in the balance in that moment.

"Give them time to think baby," Grandma spoke first. "They're here for the weekend. Y'all can talk about this again before they leave."

I nodded and grabbed Chase's hand. My parents were still staring at me, their eyes glassy with tears. I wanted to run over to them and hug them, but I knew if I did I would change my mind. I had to prove to them that I was completely sure of my choice, and that meant walking away at that moment. As Chase and I walked out of the living room I could hear my mother break down. Her sobs were pulling at me, begging me to turn around. I kept walking, Chase's hand squeezing mine as we walked away from the most important people in my life.

CHAPTER TWENTY-FIVE

As I stared at the calm pond water in front of me, I leaned back into Chase's chest, both of us wanting to be as close as possible right then. There was a real possibility that my parents would decide to take me back to New York when they left. I let out a loud sigh and felt Chase wrap his arms around me, enclosing us in our own personal world. A world that was just the two of us.

"What happens if they say no?" I whispered.

"Nothing. You go back to New York and we keep in touch. I'll try to visit when I'm on break from school. We'll make it work," he replied confidently.

"Long distance relationships are doomed for failure. You know that, right?" I twisted my head around to look at him. "Add on top of that the fact that we're a summer fling. Where does that leave us? Our chances of making it are zip."

"Ya wanna know why all of those relationships didn't last? 'Cause they're not us. That's why. I have faith in us," he said before he planted a kiss on my forehead. He was so calm about this while I was a nervous wreck. I had to resist the urge to bite my nails, a habit that had plagued me since early childhood.

I let loose a laugh, starting out small, then building into a fit of giggles. I gasped for air as I tried to stop, but every time I looked at his face, and the shock there, I started laughing even more. "I don't remember saying something funny." I laughed even harder, this time causing him to let me go and stand up. He brushed off his pants and stared down at me. "When you're done laughing at me, I'd like to head back to the house."

It took me a few more minutes, but I finally got myself under control. "I'm," I inhaled deeply, "sorry. I don't know why I found that so funny." I smiled at him, but he didn't return the gesture. "I'm sorry, I am. I just thought it was funny. I mean, how many times have people said those exact words? It just seemed so...so...cliché."

His face began to turn a deep shade of red as he stood up straight, pulling his shoulders back. "Cliché. Got it. Maybe it is cliché, but laughing at someone when they are trying to tell you how they feel..." He rubbed his hands over the back of his neck. "Do you even know what you mean to me? I mean...shit..." He fell to his knees in front of me, pulling my hands into his. My throat went dry as the serious look on his face registered in my brain.

"Chase...what are you...what's going on?" I was beyond confused how this conversation had switched directions. I had only seen him this serious a few times before, and we had been fighting then, not professing feelings for each other.

"I'm clearing the air here. Just give me a minute," he said as he took a shuddering breath. "You know I care about you, right?" I nodded. "I feel more for you than just that. I think...I mean, I know...I'm falling in love with you."

I stared at him, my heart galloping in my chest. Did he really just tell me that he loved me? Yes! I couldn't breathe. I tried to focus on my own words, but the only sounds that I could make were incoherent. I was completely shocked. I cared about him, sure, but I couldn't believe that he dropped the L bomb on me so soon. We had only been official for a short time. I began to shake as I tried to absorb his words.

"Roxie?" He released my hands and sat back on his feet. "I could use a response right about now." I looked to the ground, avoiding his eyes, as I tried to make sense of what was happening.

I couldn't do it. I couldn't say those words to him. I tried to open my mouth to tell him what I felt, but my mouth was being held in a vise grip. My tongue had suddenly become too thick to help my mouth form words. I knew I looked half crazed at that moment, and in all honesty, I felt like it too. I had never said those words to someone, other than my parents, of course. Did I care about him? Yes. But did I love him? I didn't know.

I jumped to my feet and backed away, hugging myself as I felt the tremors running through my body. "Ch...Chase. I'm sorry." I shook my head as I looked at his distraught face. "I have to go." I couldn't stand to look at his forlorn face anymore, so I did the one thing I knew how to do. I ran away. Again.

* * * *

I could hear Mom and Dad bickering when I got home, their voices carrying throughout the house. I wouldn't face them like this, so I ran upstairs to my room. I grabbed my bath paraphernalia and locked myself in the bathroom. It was the one place in the world that I could really think. I wouldn't have to worry about upsetting someone else, or screwing up again. I could just be.

I could still hear them downstairs, but this time it didn't bother me. I was content in the large tub that I had enjoyed so many times. The tub that felt safe. When my phone rang on the counter I ignored it. It would be one of three people, and I couldn't bring myself to talk to any of them. In that moment I realized how much I missed Katy already. She hadn't been by since I got home from the hospital, but she did call.

I got out of the tub, wrapped my towel around me, and picked up the phone. I looked at the missed call, noting Brian's number, and quickly dialing Katy's instead of calling him back.

"Y'ello?" she answered.

"Katy? Hey. It's Roxie. You feel up to a girl's night out?" I sat down on the edge of the tub, nervously playing with the edge of the towel.

"Umm...I don't know. I kinda have plans tonight."

"Oh. Okay. Well...that's cool. Just thought I would call and ask." I was about to hang up when I heard her yell.

"Wait! Crap...would you like to come with me? I'm heading to the movies with some friends, if you wanna come," she replied. She sounded nervous, but maybe that was just me being ridiculous.

"Sure. Who all is going?" I asked. I stood up, grabbed my clothes with my free hand, and walked to my room. "I mean, I don't want to intrude or anything."

"It's just...some friends. They're from school." There it was again. She sounded like she was worried. I couldn't stand it any longer.

"Katy? What's going on? And don't tell me nothing. I can hear it in your voice." I threw my stuff on the bed and walked to the closet, the phone tucked between my ear and shoulder.

"Nothing," she said quickly. "I'll pick you up at seven, okay? I gotta run. See you then!" I didn't have time to respond before I heard the line go dead. I stared down at the phone and shook my head. _She's hiding something. And I'm going to find out what it is._

I got dressed quickly, throwing on jeans and a cute top, barely glancing at myself in the mirror as I ran out my room. I could smell dinner cooking downstairs, and the lack of screaming told me that Mom and Dad were finally done arguing. When I reached the kitchen I could hear Mom and Grandma in the kitchen talking.

"Mom, I don't think it's a good idea. I mean, have you looked at her lately? She's not even doing her hair anymore!" said Mom, her tone half-hushed, like a loud whisper. I heard a drawer slam before Grandma responded.

"That's the point Angela. She's not the same person she was two months ago. She's grown, or haven't you noticed anything besides her appearance?" I heard another drawer slam causing me to wince. "She's open, and caring, and friendly. She was none of those things when she got here. Whatever is happening with her, it's a good thing. Not a negative."

I smiled as I listened to my Grandma defending me. It was nice to know that she had been paying such close attention to me. I was slightly offended that she didn't think I was all those things before, but I could see why she said that. I had grown. In a great way. I pushed open the door, halting their conversation. Both of them looked at me like they had been caught with their hands in the cookie jar.

"Hey y'all. What's for dinner?" I asked as I sat down at the table.

"Did you just say 'y'all'?" asked Mom incredulously. She spun to face Grandma. "See? That's slang, Mother! She's speaking like you now!"

"You say that like it's a bad thing," I said with a smile. I stood up and walked over to Grandma, then placed my arms around her in a hug. "I'm hungry. Is it chow time now?" I gave her a devilish grin, enjoying giving my mother another reason to freak out.

"It sure is darlin'. Go on over yonder and have a seat. I'll bring it right on to ya," said Grandma in her thickest Southern accent. We both started laughing at the look of abject horror on Mom's face. When she stormed out of the room, huffing and puffing, we both lost it. It felt good to have that moment with Grandma.

"Thank you," I said, planting a kiss on her forehead. She squeezed me again, and then released me.

"Ya know, she's probably up there taking one of her anxiety pills right now. We should be ashamed of ourselves." She winked at me and walked out the room. I watched her go, suddenly very conscious of how long we had left together. I knew, right then, that no matter what happened I had to convince my parents to let me stay. I couldn't miss out on one more moment with Grandma. She had stolen my heart this summer, giving me something, and someone, to love. I had to stay until the end; otherwise I would regret it for the rest of my life.

CHAPTER TWENTY-SIX

The sweltering heat was cut off as soon as I shut the door to Katy's car. Her air conditioning was working overtime, desperately trying to fight the stifling summer heat. I looked over at her and suddenly felt underdressed. She was dressed in a white sheath with a lace overlay, with tiny pearls on the trim. It was a stunning dress, but it seemed to be a little bit much for a night at the movies.

"Wow. Katy, you look great!" I looked down at my jeans and tank top, and for the first time in my life I felt uncomfortable in what I was wearing. "Did I miss the memo for the dress code?"

She giggled and pulled out of the yard. "There's been a change of plans. No one wanted to go to the movies. We're meeting them at the beach."

I stared at her, hoping and praying that she was joking. "The beach? As in Myrtle Beach? That's an hour away!"

"Yep. That's the one," she replied, pursing her lips as she looked in the rearview mirror. "Don't worry, okay? It's gonna be fine."

Shaking my head, I stared out the window. "He's going to be there, isn't he?" I turned to look at her, her eyes avoiding me at all costs. "Katy! No. Please! Take me home. I need to go home." I wasn't ready to see Chase again. I had already run away from him too many times. I knew that he would never forgive me for doing it again, especially after he poured his heart out to me.

"I don't know if he'll be there. So what if he is?" She glanced at me, her eyes drooping when she saw the sheer panic on my face. "You ran. Didn't you? Dammit Roxie! How many times are you going to screw it up?"

"Way to make me feel better."

"I'm not here to make you feel better. I'm here as your friend. Stop screwing shit up with him. Haven't you two been through enough drama this summer? It's like a bad episode of Dawson's Creek."

I laughed at her comparison. She was right. We had been back and forth so many times that it was starting to feel like an overrated teen show. I knew that I had to figure out what I felt for him, but I couldn't do that with him there. It's impossible to get your head on straight when you're being pulled in a thousand directions at one time.

"Look...I really care about him. I do. But when he dropped the L bomb-"

"Whoa! He said he _loves_ you?!" The car jerked as her voice rose higher. "Well no freaking wonder you ran away! I'm going to knock him out when I see him. Geez..."

My hand was on my chest as my heart fluttered rapidly. "It's not that he said it...it's that he feels that way. It scares me, ya know? It just feels too fast."

The words were barely out of my mouth when she jerked the car over to the side of the road. She cut the car off and then positioned her body so that she was facing me. Her face was serious, a look that was very rare on her face.

"I get it. You're scared. You wonder how he could feel like that about you so quickly. Here's the hard reality Roxie. He was done the first moment he met you. I still remember that day, after he met ya in the diner?" I nodded along, not quite sure where she had gotten that idea. "The next day all he could do was talk about how beautiful you were. You made an impression on him. He knew that day that he was in love."

I shook my head in protest. "You can't love someone that quickly. It's not rational."

"Who told you that love was rational?" She giggled at me as she ran a hand over her dress. "I have been in love with the same guy since I was five years old. I have tried for years to get him to see me as something more than a friend, but it wasn't meant to be. And now I know why."

I saw the tears glistening in her eyes. I grabbed her hand and squeezed. "Chase?" She nodded as the first tear rolled down her pink cheek. "All this time...why didn't you tell him how you felt?"

"Because it wouldn't have mattered. He isn't my future. He's yours. I knew it the first day he spoke about you. So, maybe you can't imagine how he can be in love with you so quickly, but he is. He's lost right now, clinging to the hope that maybe you'll change your mind and love him back."

My chest hurt like hell at that moment. It felt like there were a thousand tiny needles probing my heart, all of them trying to find a weak spot at the same time. The feeling was uncomfortable to say the least and my mind struggled to catch up to what my heart was telling me.

When it hit me, it took all of my strength not to crumble right there beside Katy. "I love him, don't I?" My voice was barely more than a whisper, but I was sure she heard me. She nodded and gave me a pained smile. "What do I do now? I don't know what to say to him. I've screwed up so much..."

"Love is all about the screw ups. It's what makes it so sweet when things finally fall into place. Tell him the truth. Be sappy, be weepy...hell, body slam against a wall with a deep, earth shattering kiss. I don't care how you do it. Just tell him. He deserves to know."

With that final word Katy cranked up the car and pull back onto the road. The pained look on her face was still there, but the new sense of satisfaction was simmering just below the surface. She had gotten through to me when no one else could. I doubted things would be that easy when I was face to face with Chase again, but I now knew what I had to do. I had to tell him I loved him. Before it was too late.

CHAPTER TWENTY-SEVEN

As we pulled into the almost deserted parking lot, my nerves were on edge. I could see the beach from where we were parked, the waves noisily crashing against the sand as I breathed in the salty air. I had never been to the beach before, but my first time there was sure to be memorable. I didn't see Chase's truck in the lot, but she had sent him a text making sure he would be there. He had replied with a simple yes only minutes before we arrived.

We got out of her car and made our way to the wooden bridge that would carry us across the sand dunes to where a group of kids our age were already set up. I could smell a fire that seemed to be burning nearby, but when we got closer I was shocked to see a huge bonfire blazing. There were logs set up all around, all of them equipped with teenagers holding red Solo cups. I shook my head as I began to imagine what they were drinking by the fire.

We stopped about ten feet away as Katy grabbed my hand. Her phone was buzzing from within her purse. She took it out and looked at the screen. After a moment she sent a short reply and replaced it in her purse. I looked at her questioningly, but she just smiled at me.

"So...I didn't exactly tell Chase that you were with me. He's on his way over to meet me right now. Just play it cool, okay?" She gave me a reassuring smile as she fiddled with the strap of her purse.

"Katy! Why didn't you tell him? He's gonna be pissed!" I threw my hands up in the air, letting them fall quickly to my side when I saw the approaching figure. His steps were fast and sure at first, and then faltered when our eyes met. He slowly made his way to us, his eyes blazing in anger.

"Katy! What's she doing here?" he asked, jerking his thumb in my direction.

"She's here with me. Deal with it Chase." She stood up straighter, squaring off with him. "I thought you two should talk."

He gave a short laugh, but there was no joy in it. "No thanks. I've got better things to do tonight." He turned to leave and my instincts kicked in. I reached out and grabbed his arm, but he jerked it away, glaring at me with hate in his eyes. "Don't. Touch. Me."

"Chase. Please. I need to talk to you." I would grovel if I had to. I wasn't leaving without telling him what I felt, once and for all. "I swear, just give me a chance. If you don't like what I have to say, I'll never bother you again."

He stared into my eyes, unblinking, for what felt like eternity. He finally released a sigh and his shoulders eased a little bit. "You've got five minutes. Speak quickly."

I looked at Katy, who nodded, then walked towards the roaring fire. I turned my attention to Chase who was already walking away, towards the water. I followed him until we were less than a foot from the frothy water. He bent over and took off his shoes, his toes wiggling in the warm sand. He sat down, and then motioned for me to sit as well. Once we were finally both sitting, I turned to face him.

"First, I'm sorry for running away. I was scared. You caught me off guard," I said as I clasped his hand in mine. "That's not a good excuse, I know, but I'm hoping you understand why I was scared. We've only known each other a few months and yet you were already saying you love me. That's scary as shit."

I looked into his eyes, but the anger was still there. I hadn't expected him to just forgive me, but I had hoped that some of his pain would have lessened with my confession. There was nothing left to do but keep going.

"It took Katy tearing me a new one for me to realize that I have been so, so stupid. You're the best thing that has ever happened to me." I shook my head, clearing away the fog. "I'm not the same person I was when I got here...and I have you to thank for that. You have taught me so much this summer. I don't want to leave...but I don't want to stay if you hate me. I couldn't handle seeing you everywhere, knowing how you felt about me at one time...and how stupid I was to let it go.

"Please give me one last chance. I...I love you, Chase. I love you more than I've ever loved someone before. You are my muse, my reason, my everything. I refuse to let my doubts and fears get in the way of what I want ever again." I took a deep breath. "This is me. Asking for one more. One more day, one more week, whatever you will give me. I want whatever you're willing to give."

He didn't speak; he simply stared at our hands. His fingers didn't rub against mine as they normally did. I held my breath, scared to take a breath for fear he would vanish, taking my heart with him. I had never spoken truer words in my life. I had laid my heart and soul at his feet with the possibility of him kicking it back at me with a snarl.

When he raised his head our eyes met and I was shocked to see tears in his eyes. I felt tongue-tied by the emotions waged across his face. I thought back to the first time we met, when my brain short circuited in his presence. He was no longer the carefree boy I imagined him to be. He was broken, just like me, but together...together we were two halves of the same whole, made complete by the other.

"Roxie...I love you. I think I always will. But I don't know," he said with a quivering voice. "What if you run again? I don't think my heart can take it again."

"I can't promise I won't try again. It's all I've ever known. But I want to try. All I ask is that you give me the chance." I was nearing my breaking point. If he didn't give me this chance I would fall apart, right before his eyes. I needed this like I needed air. I couldn't breathe without him in my life.

He let go of my hand, the loss of the feel of his skin against mine felt like the end of my life, but when his fingers found my chin, my hope was restored. He lifted my face so we were eye level with each other. His fingers stroked my chin, making their way to my lips. He ran his fingers gently over my lips, his rough skin felt heavenly against the soft skin of my mouth.

A sigh escaped my lips, the taste of his fingers lingering on my lips. When he pulled his fingers away I wanted to scream. I wanted those fingers on my skin at all times, the need gnawing at my heart. He smiled the first genuine smile of the night and my heart swelled with glee. If I could bottle my version of happy, it would be this moment. My heart was pounding with love, the excitement coursing through my body.

"I think I can handle that." He smiled at me, his white teeth sparkling in the dark. "But I have one condition. You can't, under any circumstances...stop...loving me."

I laughed out loud, my voice ringing in my ears as I clambered to my knees. I threw myself at him, slamming my body into his, knocking him to the ground. We were both laughing, our faces mere inches apart. His hands encircled my waist, pulling me flush with his body. My chest was pressed against his and I could feel the steady beat of his heart, in sync with my own.

Our eyes locked together, the electricity between us humming as I glanced at his lips. They were the most beautiful lips I had ever seen on any guy. I had the sudden urge to taste them again. This time, I wouldn't hesitate or run away. I closed the gap between us, pressing my lips against his. He immediately responded, opening his mouth as his tongue slipped out. He licked at my lips as I nipped at his bottom lip.

A groan escaped my lips as I moved on top of him. I could feel his response to me pressing persistently against me. I was feeling the same need for him, my body shaking with desire. I kissed him again, pulling his breath from his body into mine, joining our bodies together. I rubbed against him, feeling him grow even harder beneath me. He groaned and shifted me up his body, taking the pressure off of his groin.

"You're killing me Roxie," he said as he ran his hands up and down my sides, his fingers grazing the sides of my breasts. "We have to stop. I refuse to 'make you a woman' out here on the beach." He let out a shaky laugh, his breath slowly evening out.

I laughed at him and smiled down at him. "You're right. Where's your truck?"

He laughed and kissed me again. "I'm a simple kind of guy, with simple morals. I won't be taking anything like that from ya until we're married."

I wanted to run again, but I didn't. I knew what he was implying, but in that moment I was okay with it. He wasn't proposing right then, but he was honest about where he wanted this to go. I could handle that. Sure, it was still scary, but I was ready. No more running away. No more letting fear rule my life.

I rolled off of him, and curling against him, and rested my head on his shoulder. We both stared up at the clear sky above us. The stars were plentiful, sparkling in the dark sky overhead. The scene was something straight out of one of those cheesy romance movies, but at that moment, I was glad to be the reluctant heroine. There was no knight in shining armor set on rescuing me, but there was a country boy in faded denim who loved me.

In the grand scheme of things, that was enough. I didn't need him to save me from anyone or anything except myself. He managed to mold and shape me in ways no one else had been able to. He gave me a life I never knew I wanted, blinding me with love. Was I scared of telling my parents? Hell yes. But I would do it. I wanted to shout my feelings from the rooftop of every building in Perry Point. I wanted the world to know that I had found what I'd been missing.

I had finally found what it truly meant to be home.

EPILOGUE

As I sit here on my bed, my cap and gown hanging on the back of my door, I close my eyes and take a deep breath. It's hard to believe that in less than two hours I'll be free of high school. I'll be taking another step into the real world, leaving behind one more chapter of my life. It's hard to believe that this moment is real. It feels like I've been waiting forever to walk across that stage.

Mom and Dad are downstairs with Chase, all of them anxious to get to the school. Me? I'm not ready. I look over at my side table and find Grandma's smiling face looking back at me. I pick up the picture and run my finger over her face. Dressed in her red sweater with the horrible reindeer emblazoned on the front, I remember picking on her that morning about how hideous it looked.

I remembered her begging me to take a picture of her in it so I would never forget how awful it looked. Looking at the picture now, I couldn't help but smile. It was our first Christmas together and she had wanted to make sure that it was my best ever. I would always remember how she had scrambled to find the perfect present for me, spending hours online and in the mall, but never finding what she called the _perfect_ thing.

She had no idea that she had already given me the perfect gift. That hot weekend last summer, when my parents had visited, she had begged them to let me stay. They argued for hours, always coming up with another reason why I should leave or stay. Ultimately, Grandma won. She pulled the trump card: cancer. When my parents finally relented I jumped for joy. For once, they were putting my needs and wants before their own.

We talked about what would happen if Grandma passed away while I lived with her, but I assured them that I could handle it. I wasn't delusional enough to think that she would live forever. I knew that there was a possibility that I would have to watch her die, but I was prepared. Or so I thought.

I was one month away from graduation when her health took a turn for the worst. It started as a simple cold, but with her immune system already in the crapper, she didn't stand a chance. She spent two weeks in the hospital and then finally succumbed to the sickness. Chase was there with me the whole time. He held me while I cried and calmed me when I raged about how unfair it all was.

I had hoped that she would make it to see me walk the stage, but God had called her home before we planned. There was no way to plan something like death, but she kept telling me that she'll go when she's good and ready. Looks like she was overruled in the end. As I stared at her picture in my hands I let the tears fall freely. I wouldn't hold them back today. I knew she was watching over me every day, holding me tightly to her chest. She would never really leave me.

I heard the footsteps coming up the stairs as I sat the picture back on the dresser. With no knock at all, my mother entered my bedroom. She was impeccably dressed, as usual, in her Donna Karen suit and classic pumps. Even after 10 months of being officially divorced she was still holding herself together. She and Dad were civil with each other, arguing occasionally, but it wasn't as terrible as it used to be.

"We're ready when you are baby," she said as she walked over to me. She sat down and pulled me to her side. "You okay?"

I nodded as I wiped the tears from my face. "Yeah, I was just thinking about Grandma. Looking at her picture, ya know?"

"She was so proud of you. I'm so proud of you. Even with Grandma...passing...you held it together and made it here." She squeezed me tighter. "I know she wanted to be here today. It was all she ever talked about. Every time she called she would tell me how great you were doing in school. Or how helpful you were around here and the farm. You were the light of her life."

"Thanks Mom. I miss her. So much," I said as the tears began to fall again.

"I know. I do too," she whispered against my head. We hugged and cried together, something we hadn't done since I was a little girl. It felt so right to have her there with me. It had taken a while for her to get over her hurt feelings when I decided to stay in South Carolina. I couldn't really blame her for feeling that way, but our relationship had suffered because of it.

I pulled away from her slowly, wiping my face. I knew my makeup was a mess at that point, but I didn't care. I had needed the release. I missed Grandma so much and most days I held in the tears, unwilling to let it drag me down. Today was the one day I would allow myself to truly mourn her. No. I wouldn't mourn her today. I would celebrate all that she had given me. She would have wanted it that way.

As we drove to the school, Mom and Dad up front, Chase and I in the backseat, my eyes remained focused on our joined hands. The differences between us used to be daunting, our relationship doomed from the start. We had overcome so much that summer, both of us finding ourselves, and finding each other in the process. Were we perfect? Not by any means. Were we happy? Absolutely.

I know people hate to hear that couples found true love and lived happily ever after, so I won't tell you that. Sure, we love each other and we're happy, but we still have a lifetime left to screw it up. I don't want a fairy tale or prince charming. I want my reality with Chase by my side. I wanted my real friends, Katy and Brian, by my side for the rest of my life. They showed me the true meaning of friendship.

So, while I may have been born in New York, I finally found my true home. Mom says her roots are here, with me, and I have to agree. Our roots may be knotted and gnarled, but they belong to us alone. We're finally home where we belong. And that feels right.

The End

SPECIAL THANKS

This is probably the hardest part of the entire writing process. There were so many people that have been there for me from the moment I decided to follow my dream. Without each and every one of them I'm sure that my dream would not have become reality.

First, I would like to thank my family for always being there for me. My mother, God rest her soul, always supported me, no matter which crazy scheme I got myself caught up in. She taught me to follow my dreams, no matter how many times people told me I couldn't do it. My dad, who has been the Superman of fathers, deserves a special thank you for helping me stay focused. Thank you Dad. I love you.

To my fiancé Bobby and my daughter: I love you both so much. I'm thankful that I get to see you both every day for the rest of my life. You were both blessings in my life and have been there through all of my crazy moments. I promise there will be fewer "fend for yourself" nights now that this first book is done. I love you both with all of my heart and soul. You complete me.

To MaryAnn: You have been my best friend for more years than I care to think about. (Mainly because then our true age would show!) When everyone else said I was crazy, you told me that no dream was out of my reach. When I tried to rush the process, you brought me back down to reality. You have literally been my saving grace throughout this entire process. I know I drove you crazy at times (okay...ALL the time), but I can't thank you enough for being there for me. I thank you for your amazing editing skills (you're my editing ninja!) and I promise...there will be at least a few months of down time in your future.

To Airicka Phoenix: You are a Goddess of the Word. That's your new name. Thank you so much for coming up with the title for my first book! You're a dream come true and one hell of an amazing author! I'm so thankful to call you friend!

To my Book Soul Mate: Katy, you are truly special. You have encouraged me, slapped me around when I started to doubt myself, and have been an amazing friend. I'm so very thankful to have you in my life. I LIVE you lady!

To Cindy Springsteen: You are seriously an EPIC friend and I'm so thankful to have you by my side! Your words of encouragement are priceless and I can't help but think we were meant to be friends!

To Derinda Love: You will forever and always be my Fairy Godmother. You make miracles happen every day for Indie authors. You're selfless and giving, two attributes that you don't find in people these days. I can't tell you thank you enough, but maybe one day I can repay the love!

To Ema Volf: Thank you for keeping me company on those long nights of pouring my soul out. You kept me from going insane, and for that, I say thank you. And thank you for formatting this nightmare for me! You saved me from a headache that would surely knock me on my butt! You're truly an amazing friend!

To the New Jersey Versions of Me and MaryAnn: Christy and Katherine, you two are so freaking amazing! You were both so amazingly helpful through this laborious process, always encouraging me and calling me on my screw ups. I can't wait to see you ladies again! YA'll Fest 2013 can't get here soon enough!

To Tara and Amanda: I love you ladies! You keep the funny rolling in! You are irreplaceable and I'm so thankful that Katy introduced me to you both! Tara, your guidance and wisdom is forever needed and appreciated! Mani, I really hope to meet you and Ms. Bean very soon! Much love to you all!

To My Two Favorite Gems: Jenny Marie and Mayra Arellano, you two are truly inspirational! You make the world a brighter place with your infectious smiles and laughter! I am honored to call you both friend!

To Regina Wamba, of Mae I Design and Photography: Thank you for the amazing cover! You put up with my neurotics and gave me the most gorgeous cover I could ever hope to have! You rock my socks!

And finally (after being extremely long winded), to my fabulous Beta Readers: Samantha Truesdale, Melissa Berbrich, Katherine Eccelston, Jennifer Swiger, Melissa Stickney, Kellee Fabre, and Nikki Archer. You ladies gave me such valuable insight and I can't thank you enough for every second, minute, and hour that you spent reading my book. You are all my heroes!

One last word before I go. A huge thank you goes out to everyone who has supported me and given me words of encouragement. When I felt silly for making a Facebook page you were there to shut me up. The support from the Indie community is immense and I don't know what I would do without each and every person out there!

ABOUT THE AUTHOR

If you had asked 6 year old Ruthi what she wanted to be when she grew up, she would have told you a Rock Star. Those dreams faded to the background when she found out who the true Rock Stars are: Authors.

She has always had a fascination with books, losing herself completely in numerous books, enjoying the worlds she found that were so unlike her own. They were her escape, and eventually became her passion.

Her family has been putting up with her and her incoherent ramblings while she worked on her debut novel, Knotted Roots. Her five year old and Fiance have suffered through many "fend for yourself" nights, but somehow still manage to love her anyway.

She is now attending the Southern New Hampshire University, working on her Bachelor's in Creative Writing/Fiction so that she can create her own worlds for others to fall in love with.

Okay, now that I'm done talking in the third person, let me just say that I love connecting with people via Facebook, Goodreads, my blog, etc. If you would like to chat, you can usually find me online at any given time. I also want to say thank you to each and every person who reads my book. It was a labor of love and I truly hope that you enjoy it as much as I enjoyed writing it!

STALKER LINKS:

<http://facebook.com/AuthorRuthiKight>

http://ruthikay.blogspot.com

<http://twitter.com/RuthiKight>

SPECIAL SNEAK PEEK AT MICHELLE KNIGHT'S DEBUT NOVEL, "TWISTED SNOW," RELEASING SUMMER OF 2013!

PROLOGUE

I don't even remember when I became trapped in this cold, two-dimensional world, because let's face it, no one would ever call what I do living. I can't even begin to fathom how many years I have been trapped for that matter. All I know is that the last few decades have been peaceful yet dull. I have watched, frozen behind glass, as others have lived out their happy existence in the light, in the heat.

Oh, what I wouldn't give to feel the sun on my skin again, but I know that probably will never happen. Time is irrelevant in this blasted mirror. I only have something, like say a book, if it is reflected from the real world. But, as is true with all reflections, everything is backwards here.

I vaguely remember trying for many years to discover if there was anyone who would keep me company, but in this place, I am totally alone. I guess it is no small wonder that when that wretched woman started talking to me all of the time, that I became enamored with helping her, in any way that I could. I had craved contact with someone, even if it was through the glass, and I would do or say anything to keep them with me.

Let's just say, that was a lesson learned the hard way. Never again will I try to use magicks of any kind to assist someone, especially not someone who was as insane as THAT woman. God, she was awful, forever going on about how beautiful she was and was there anyone fairer than she. The vanity of that idiot woman would drive anyone batty. But, as I have not seen her in years, I feel quite certain that my vow will never be put to the test.

A few years ago, I had the misfortune of being sold to an antique dealer as part of an estate. The woman I had belonged to for so long left the world quite suddenly and her ungrateful children soon sold off all of her possessions; well, at least the ones that they did not squabble over for themselves. For years I sat, dusty and forgotten in a room where all of the furniture was draped in cloth, dust covers of some sort I guess.

I grew weary of staring at the empty room so I would lie down upon a couch in my world and promptly fall asleep. When I awoke, I was quite disoriented as my view had suddenly changed. I found myself in a cramped little room stuffed to the ceiling with old bits of furniture. I remained there for a while until the creepy little antique dealer had me moved to the showroom.
CHAPTER 1

I have to say, the view was far better in the showroom than in the cramped storage room. At least I could now see people drifting about and see sunshine. But still, I sat in that shop for weeks on end, while the dealer cackled over the money that he was fleecing from his customers.

One day I was drifting through my world aimlessly, bored with staring out at bureaus and tables in the store, when I felt a pulse of energy, one that I had not felt in countless years. Intrigued, I drew closer to the glass barrier between myself and reality. A couple wandered the store, looking intently for something. As I peered, unseen, at them, I detected the pulse again, this time clearly seeing where it came from. The woman had a faint reddish glow about her that slowly expanded and contracted as I watched. I had only seen this phenomenon once before and, despite my reservations, knew that finally I would have someone to talk to, well I would, if I could only get her attention.

* * * * *

"Alright Charlie, let's just pick something for her and get the heck out of here. That little man is giving me the heebie-jeebies," Mark murmured to his wife.

"I know, but I really want to look around a little bit. It would be better if he would stop looking at us like we were his ticket to a hot meal, and let's face it, the man could use some help in the hygiene department," she said with her hand in front of her mouth.

Huffing and puffing Mark followed his wife around the decrepit antique store. He loved the woman, but damn, it would be nice if she would just hurry it up. He couldn't really explain what it was about the man that got under his skin, but something told him the man just was not all he was cracked up to be. In his mind, he resembled a rat, with beady little eyes and the two front teeth that peaked out of his mouth. The way he kept rubbing his hands together was just down right disturbing. Shaking off a shiver, he turned again to his new bride.

"So, what did you have in mind for Mari anyway?" he asked, warily keeping an eye on the dealer.

"Honestly, I am not really sure. I just know that she is trying hard to deal with this marriage, that she is not entirely happy with the situation. It has been me and her against the world for so long, and now she not only has to deal with having a father-figure in her life, but one that comes with a child of his own. She needs to know that she is still special to me, to us," she said, a little misty eyed as she thought of all of the upheaval that had taken place in the last couple of years.

"You know that the few years that we had her father, she absolutely adored him. She took his death hard, and probably thinks that I am going to leave her too."

"I understand honey, I really do, but I wonder if we will be hurting Snow in the process. She has been through just as much as Mari has and probably has some of the same issues. I know that she seems like such a happy, well-adjusted young woman, but she has fears and insecurities as well," he replied.

"You know, I didn't really think about it that way. There are so many things that we all have to get used to, I suppose. I have to remember that I now have two daughters, not just one. That is just one of the things that I love about you. You inspire me to be a better person," she said in reply.

"Careful, hon. You keep saying things like that and there won't be room in our house for my ego, much less anyone else," he said, laughing delightedly at her words. "You are good for me too, that is why I am sure that everything will work itself out. Why don't we see if we can find something that the girls can share, considering they will be sharing a room until we can find a larger house?"

"Sounds like a great plan to me. You are so smart, so thoughtful, so..." she teased, loving their banter.

"Whoops, there she goes again! Watch it woman, or I won't be able to get out of the door!" he replied, laughing.

"Oh, you" she said, laughing good naturedly along with him.

She grabbed his hand and tugged him further into the store. Charlie walked slowly up the aisles that had been created by the various items being lined up in twisted little rows. She glanced briefly at a vanity set, but decided against it, as it looked as if one good breeze would have it collapsing in on itself. She kept browsing until she stopped short, causing Mark to plow into her back.

"Ooof! Did you find something?" he asked, rubbing his stomach where it had accidentally collided with her elbow.

"Sorry, sweetie, but I have an idea and as soon as it popped into my head. I think I might have found it."

"So, what did you have in mind, my dear?"

"I think that a mirror would be something that they could both use, and share. And I absolutely love this one," she said, as she pointed at a freestanding mirror.

It had delicate floral patterns that climbed up from the legs, and twined around the top, almost like the creator had let flowering ivy grow around it naturally. There wasn't a distinctive pattern, as one side had tiny, delicate roses and the other had large, hibiscus blossoms that marched up to the top, where it was crowned with a beautifully inlaid tiara where the blooms mingled together in profusion. The carvings were so realistic that Charlie could almost smell the fragrant flowers.

"I know it looks a little rough, but I really think that if we clean it up and treat the wood with some polish that it would be gorgeous. In fact, I can't really explain it, but I know it would be perfect for our girls. Hopefully the two of them will be like the blooms, while they may be different, together they are absolutely gorgeous," she said, a little breathlessly.

"Hmm, I don't know," Mark said, doubtfully. "It seems a little overdone for a couple of teenagers, you know?"

"Trust me dear, girls like a little bit of frou-frou every now and then. I want it, more than anything else, I want this for our children," she replied, looking up at him with a near puppy dog expression.

"Okay, okay, but please stop looking at me like that!" he begged, not being able to resist her, not that he could resist her anything to start with. But that expression always got him and he was man enough to admit that, even if it was only to himself.

Feeling particularly worn out, I watched the display between the man and his wife. The pulse I had first detected was fairly faint, but if that ugly old man fondled the surface of my prison one more time I was sure I would be ill.

When the young woman had begun to search through the trash in the store, I had done my best to reach out to her, planting images in her head of how beautiful my mirror would look in her home, how she couldn't possibly be happy unless I went home with them. I didn't realize how difficult that simple exercise would be, as it used to be something that I could with ease. It was one of the ways that I had hooked the attention of the horrid woman who had hurt so many others. There was still a part of me that truly wondered if this would be the best idea, but like I said the creepy little man, well, I couldn't take him any longer. He worried me more than any potential repercussions of trying to contact someone on the outside again. There were worse fates, I thought, than to be taken home with a loving couple.

After observing them together in the store, I felt fairly confident that things would be different this time. They were so much in love, the emotion so evident it became tangible. I could nearly feel it myself, trapped as I was in the cold, unfeeling world of a mirror. Seeing them together, I was reminded of a time where I didn't exist in this freezing prison. Fleetingly, I could feel arms around me and sun on my back, but as quickly as it came, it flew away. I felt so bereft, unable to recall whose arms had been wrapped so lovingly around me. I would be a lot more content if that particular memory had never resurfaced, as once again I was reminded of how lonely my existence had been up to this point.

Shoving my self-pity to the side, I once again tuned into what was taking place in the real world. The two were standing in front of me now, gazing thoughtfully at the frame. I longed to reveal myself to them, but things now were not what they used to be. Magick seemed to be something that was sorely missing in this world, which was not always the case. But I knew, even without being able to recall the changes that had taken place that this was not the time to try and connect with them. If I did, I could sense that they would flee the store screaming hysterically, leaving me with the scheming dealer.

"Patience, patience, patience," I chanted, reminding myself that I had to proceed with caution.

As I looked on, hidden from mortal eyes, the young couple seemed to come to a decision, hailing the rat-faced shop owner. I wondered if I had it in me to try to reach out yet again, this time to influence the merchant. I wanted to go with this couple, and would do anything to achieve that end.

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