

ENIOLA

ENIOLA

A Story of Abuse and Pain, Hope and Healing

by

HEPHZIBAH FRANCES
Unless otherwise indicated, scripture quotations marked "AMP" are taken from the Amplified Bible. All rights reserved. Used by permission.

Scripture quotations marked "KJV" are taken from the King James Version

Scripture quotations marked "NIV" are taken from the Holy Bible, New International Version.

Scripture quotations marked 'NLT" are taken from the New Living Translation.

ENIOLA

Copyright ©2018 by Hephzibah Frances

ISBN: 978-978-53933-5-4

okorofrances@gmail.com www.hephzibahfrances.com

Book cover design & Publishing done by:

BEAUTIFUL FEET PUBLISHING

beautifulfeetpublishing@gmail.com

+2347035539092

All rights reserved. No portion of this book may be distributed in any form without the written permission of the author.

DEDICATION

To Healing...

For Hurting and Broken Girls.
CONTENTS

THE BEGINNING

Chapter 1

Chapter 2

Chapter 3

THE SCARS

Chapter 4

Chapter 5

Chapter 6

HEALING AND RESTORATION

Chapter 7

Chapter 8

Chapter 9

Chapter 10

A Note From The Author

The Bigger Work of Eniola

Translations

Read Excerpts From Hephzibah Frances' New Novel 'Surviving Singlehood'

About Hephzibah Frances

Read Other Books By Hephzibah Frances

THE BEGINNING...
Chapter 1

"Eniola, where are you going to?"

Eniola looked back and saw Sam; Sam was her long-time lover. They were both secondary school students at the Ama Grammar School, Ote-edo and she loved Sam with everything in her.

"Come to my house and let's talk awhile".

Eniola smiled. Spending time at Sam's place after school wasn't a strange occurrence but there was a foreboding she felt in her heart.

"Not today Sam, maybe tomorrow".

Sam looked at her and cocked his head in that special way she liked.

"No nah Eniola. I miss you bad. I couldn't even sleep last night. I thought we would have time to talk today but classes were just back to back. Pleeeasee". He added a smile and pleaded with his eyes for extra effect.

Eniola stood for a moment, disturbed by the strange feeling in her heart. Her heart was beating wildly and she didn't even understand why. Was it from passion or from fear?

This wasn't the first time she would visit Sam at his home; plus she loved him anyway. She truly did.

She stood for a moment.

"Okay Sam".

They walked along the path to Sam's house and it was strange because the birds on the pathway were not chirping loudly as they usually did.

"Sam what's today in Umauhia's calendar?"

"I don't know. Why?"

"It seems like the weather is kind of dull today and I wonder why".

The day in Umauhia's calendar was known to sometimes affect the mood of a day.

They got to Sam's house and the place was empty.

"My mom went to buy food stuff from Agu village", Sam explained. "She will be back soon and Papa went to Anu to tap some palm wine. He won't be back till tomorrow".

Palm wine tappers stayed days in the interior villages trying to make the most of their trips.

"Nne come and sit here beside me". Sam tapped the spot by his bed and Eniola willingly went.

For a moment, he stroked her hair lovingly and whispered sweet words to her.

"I can't wait to marry you..."

Eniola looked up at him and the kiss began. Long and soft... tasty and true.

But as Eniola made to pull away, Sam stopped her.

"Ah but Eniola why nah. I have missed you"

"Okay, just a little more..."

Eniola continued for a moment but kept feeling like this would soon get out of control so she pulled away again.

All of a sudden, she heard a loud piercing whistle in the air and three strong senior boys appeared in Sam's room.

She looked at Sam not comprehending what was happening.

"What are they doing here?"

Sam merely smiled.

He had wanted Eniola for a long time but she hadn't made it easy.

He had told the boys that if she refused today they should come in and open the way so he could have the sweet and free entrance after that.

One of the boys silently came around and tied Eniola's mouth, her hands were bound too and her skirt pulled down gently. When he got to her panties, he tore them off roughly.

She looked to Sam again in her tears and silent screams and he smiled.

As the first boy tore into her, she heard Sam say, "I love you..."

***

Somewhere in Okrika town, the owls were hooting. This signified that Gloria's dad would soon open her door and come in.

He had been doing so for the past three weeks.

At first, Gloria thought it was to pray with her and wish her goodnight like he always did. However, this time around, he had slipped his fingers beneath her panties. It hurt but it was also sweet. She liked it and she hated it at the same time.

For a week, he did the same thing but in the second week, he brought the pomade mommy bought to rub on her down there. He said it would make their games easy. This week, he proceeded to showing her his own game machine. Daddy said she had her game machine, he had his, and when the two came together, they would make the ultimate game noise she had never heard before.

Mommy had travelled to see her sister last night and now the owls were hooting. The clock said 12am and she knew that daddy would soon come.

The door creaked and Gloria was scared.

She tried to burrow deeper into her covers but she was 13. Far too big to hide under the bed like she used to do.

"Hey baby..." she heard her dad croon.

"Ready for me tonight? Tonight is when we make the ultimate game noise..."

Daddy smiled but it wasn't a full smile this time.

She wondered if he really loved her and she asked, "Daddy do you love me?"

Daddy smiled and said, "Of course, that is why I am playing this game with only you".

Daddy rubbed Vaseline on her bom-bom and under there, and then he rubbed it on his machine tool too. She saw the smile on his face when he took her hand and placed it on his machine tool, and she thought, "Maybe daddy really does love me".

When daddy laid her down and rubbed his machine tool against hers, she wondered how the scream that came from her could be the ultimate machine noise.

No one heard her.

No one came.

Daddy finished, smiled at her and said, "I love you baby".

***

Somewhere in Imo State, a girl named Lyna was scared. Her uncle had taken to touching her inappropriately and every time he did, he would call it their special game.

The other day Nnamdi had also come visiting and after he and uncle watched a movie with her in the room, they placed her on their laps and Nnamdi had used his fingers on her backside. He didn't stop at that, he licked her bom-bom too, the way she had seen his tongue lick mama's bitter-leaf soup.

It felt sweet and Lyna enjoyed what he did but she was also scared. She had heard mama's priest talk about hell fire before and she wondered if this was part of what would make one go to hell fire. Uncle and Nnamdi didn't seem scared and any time they called her into the room she pretended that she wasn't scared too.

The only person she could talk to was NdidiAmaka.

She recalled their conversation after school yesterday.

"NdidiAmaka, Nnamdi licked my bom-bom again oh..."

Ndidi squealed, "Was it sweet?"

Lyna tilted her head for a bit and replied, "It's always sweet but I still fear hell fire".

"But I have told you that your priest was lying nah. There is no hell fire. If it was sweet, then continue".

NdidiAmaka and Lyna were both J.S.S. 3 students in Onwuchi Grammar School, Imo State.

Lyna had opened up to NdidiAmaka when she was looking for someone to tell about what Uncle and Nnamdi were doing to her. She was shocked that Ndidi wasn't surprised.

Ndidi said her father's brother Chinedu and she had started touching since when she was in J.S. S. 1.

She had simply replied "its sweet Lyna. Continue".

Lyna thought she could continue but sometimes, like now, her heart would beat so fast as she waited for the door to open as Nnamdi or Uncle or both of them came to call her from her room.

Mama always travelled to Nkwucha to buy things to stock up her shop and she travelled every four days. The night Mama travelled was continually Lyna and Uncle's night.

Tonight Uncle had said that she was ripe.

For what she wondered?

She sat on the bed waiting as she heard footsteps.

She was scared but she wouldn't show it.

Lyna looked up as the door opened. Uncle was standing there with a huge grin on his face.

"Lyna baby, tonight is our night!"

She looked up at him, pleading with her expression. Uncle was a big man. She had thought of screaming many times but she couldn't. She did not know anyone who could beat uncle.

"Ready for me, baby?"

He untied her wrapper and turned her over on his legs, he then proceeded to open her legs and use his tongue to lick her as Nnamdi did.

Lyna thought of what Ndidi said. It was sweet, she nor go lie.

Suddenly uncle put his finger there and she shivered.

"Come on baby... don't worry".

Uncle continued massaging her and lay her face-down on the bed.

She closed her eyes... waiting. All of a sudden, she felt something hot close to her bom-bom. She wanted to turn but she couldn't. Uncle held her head down.

The loud scream she heard came from her own throat even as uncle grunted, "There's my baby. There's my baby. There's my baby... you are ripe. You are indeed ripe".

***

The next morning when mama came back home, she was limping.

Mama squinted her eyes and looked at her up-close, "Lyna bia, what happened to you?"

She thought of telling Mama the truth but Uncle was so big. She was scared that he would beat both her and Mama together if she said anything.

She sighed and swallowed the tears threatening to fall.

NdidiAmaka had said it was sweet but yesterday night she had seen blood and Uncle had not let her go till she felt something hot run down her legs.

She sighed again silently as she replied "Nothing Mama. I fell from the mango tree at school while trying to pluck some mango".

"Okay oh Lyna. Come and follow me to arrange the shop".

As Mama turned the corner to go into the kitchen, Lyna died a thousand deaths in her heart.

***

Frances looked at her Mom as she walked away. Her Mom had come to tell her that she and her Dad were finally divorced.

Frances cried.

"Frances, Mama Obus is calling you".

She looked up and saw Oke her friend.

"Okay".

Mama Obus was sitting outside her house washing clothes when she saw her.

"Good afternoon ma"

"Good afternoon Frances. What is happening? Why were you crying?" At Mama Obus' question, Frances started to cry again.

"It's my Mommy..."

"What happened to your Mommy?"

Frances felt as though she would faint from the pain. Her tears flowed from a deep place she didn't understand.

Her voice bumped from her hiccups.

"She said that my Daddy threw her out of the house..."

Mama Obus looked at Frances in sorrow. She was also taking care of her children all alone.

She gathered Frances in her arms, wiped her tears and said the only thing she could say to her, "Be strong ehn. Be strong".
Chapter 2

10 years later.

The year was 2011. Frances was now a 200 level student in the University. A lot of water had passed under the bridge but she was glad that she didn't look like what she had been through.

She had lived without her mom for the past 8 years.

Her mom usually came to visit them at home but even that was an embarrassment. Her dad never allowed her entry to the house and she had to sit on the veranda outside.

She closed her eyes as she remembered one incident that happened in the compound they were living in.

Her Mom had come to visit and had sat on the veranda as usual. She then called her brother Ema to come but her elder brother was just so violent. He started pursuing her Mom to get out of the compound. Her Mom sat still and refused to move. As if that wasn't enough, Mairo, their landlord's son who smoked weed had started talking to her Mom harshly. Instead of Ema to defend her, he shut the door in her face even though he knew that everyone could hear as Mairo shouted at their Mom to leave the compound.

Things had been rough at home.

Very rough.

But it was all good. At least she was in school now.

Her phone rang and she picked it. It was Tee; Tee was her boyfriend.

They were in the same level and had been dating for 6 months now.

"Hey baby" she crooned.

"Baby how far? The food don ready?"

She usually cooked and gave him breakfast on some mornings. He was broke but she didn't mind. She loved him. He was the one good thing that had happened to her in recent times.

Moreover, he said he would marry her!

She smiled.

"You can't wait to eat my food ba? I am on my way to shell block now. I will bring it to class".

She told her roommates bye and hurried away.

When she was midway to shell block, she saw the Vice President of her fellowship. These people had been hounding her for months since they noticed her closeness to Tee.

She greeted her Vice President, "Good afternoon Mama Ziba".

"Hey Frances, Good afternoon. Where are you off to?"

"Uhm, I have to meet up with someone in class".

"Okay dear, see you at fellowship in the evening".

Arrgh!

Frances just remembered that they had midweek service tonight.

She had not been consistent at fellowship since she and Tee started having sex.

She always felt guilty. She had not intended to have sex with him but it happened and he said he would marry her, so why not?

She also stopped acting in the drama unit and reduced church time to only Sundays.

She didn't want to drop out of church but every time she went, people's eyes like Mama Ziba's pierced through her back.

There was one time when Papa Onome and some others had come to her fellowship to talk about sin and premarital sex. She knew they were talking to her oh, so she just kukuma dropped out of drama unit.

Anyway, today wasn't one for drab talks, she would be seeing Tee soon.

***

"Hey baby!"

She greeted him with a huge smile on her face.

"What's up?"

"Ah baby, I am so broke ehn. I don't even understand what's happening. My dad hasn't sent the money and my Mom is still sick".

As he spoke, Frances started calculating. Maybe she would just give him part of the cash her Dad just sent her for allowance.

"Uhm, babe, my Dad was supposed to send me 10,000 Naira but he sent just 5, 000 naira. I will split it and give you half" She waited for his smile.

"Yay! Thank you!"

As they kissed deeply, she thought, "finally, someone who loves me!"

***

Eniola rubbed Stan's head as they made love.

To Stan, they were in love and this meant the entire world to him but to Eniola, he was just a man she needed to help relieve her urges.

She moaned Stan's name for effect.

She could not remember how many men she had been with since Sam and somehow she thought of Sam as she slept with every one of them.

Sam had said he loved her. She loved these men too but only for their bodies. If four men could rape her at once then the only thing men were good for was sex.

Everyone in Unilag campus knew her as ashewo. She couldn't care less. She had no reputation and she loved it.

What was the use of being a good girl?

Who valued keeping your legs closed these days?

Why be a hypocrite and hide the fact that you loved sex and wanted men?

She heard Stan explode inside of her and she was glad to be rid of him. He was such a lazy lover.

She packed her things because she needed to reach cloud nine tonight and Stan couldn't obviously take her there.

"Uhm, hey baby, I have to go. I have a test tomorrow I have to read for."

Stan couldn't really make out her words clearly. He was still in a haze from the pleasure he just had.

"Awww, but babe, stay nah. We can read together."

"Uh uh. No. We would end up doing round 50. I have to go."

Eniola ran off before Stan could say anything else.

She heard him call out "I love you!" as she brought out her phone to call one of the guys who had enough stamina for her.

"Hey John. How far? You home?"

"Yes, I am. What's up?"

"Okay. I dey come"

As she hurried away with the scent of anticipated sex leading her on, Sam's "I love you" resounded in her ears.

Sometimes she wondered, what was love?

Love was Sam hiring four other men to open up her hymen enough for him to have sweet sex.

Love was using sex to numb her senses.

Love was having access to many men who were ready to lay with her each night.

Love was saying "I love you baby" when all she could picture was her panties being ripped and the smile on Sam's face as he repeated "I love you baby".

If love meant just sex, then that was indeed what she would use men for.

No one would ever have the upper hand on her again. Never!

They thought they were using her but she was using them.

Men were useless and good for nothing but sex.

***

Gloria looked at her classmates smiling and laughing with one another and wondered for the thousandth time what was wrong with her.

She could not make friends. Anytime anyone drew close enough to touch her, she froze. Her lips always seemed to stop moving. She felt ashamed of herself, as if she should not be a part of society.

It was now ten years since Daddy played the ultimate game with her but she could not get over it. She could be walking on the street in one moment and become instantly stiff from memories of that day in the next. Sometimes she felt as though she was crazy.

Daddy had died last year but that had not stopped the nightmares.

She heard his groans in her sleep. She heard her loud scream in the night.

Her mom had suggested seeing a therapist but she hated her mom and would not take her advice on anything. Where was she when Daddy used to come to her room?

She could not forgive her Mother and would continue to carry resentment against both her parents.

She looked around and felt all alone.

They were the reason she couldn't have a normal life.

She lay her head down on the table and grieved in her heart.

***

Lyna and NdidiAmaka had been lovers for 10 years now. Instead of just talking about what their Uncles did to them, they had decided to practice it and that was how their long-term relationship started.

They realized that they preferred their love without the penis. Every day after Uncle and Nnamdi left, Lyna would tell mama that Ndidi was coming for a sleepover and they would have their own.

Uncle would never come into her room with mama around so she and Ndidi were safe.

It numbed the pain and gave her her own liberty to express herself after Uncle left. Uncle was not the only one who had the right to moan in ecstasy. Lyna felt compensated by what she had with Ndidi.

It had been ten long years and now she did only girls.

The sex with Uncle stopped when she went to the University and she continued with girls alone.

Ndidi would always be her long-time lover but Ndidi wasn't enough.

She mostly loved it as a threesome exactly as it had been with Uncle and Nnamdi.

But in the silence of her room she sometimes wondered if she was okay.

Mama's priest's voice still haunted her at night.

"Hell is real!"

His intense face as he preached was constantly in her mind.

She wondered what the God he preached about would think about her now and every time she wondered, she concluded, "He would not want anything to do with someone like me."

And that was okay; she wanted nothing to do with a God who would allow two grown men to rape a secondary school girl either.

## 

## Chapter 3

Frances laid her head on Tee's chest and smelt cigar on his breath as he spoke.

She tried to hold her thoughts in for a while but the more he spoke the more the whiff came through. Finally she asked, "Tee what's up? Why is cigar smell oozing out of your mouth? Did you smoke?"

"Ah, no oh". Tee replied.

They were spending the night together at one of Tee's friend's place outside campus. It had been a while since they spent time together like this since they had agreed not to have sex anymore.

Frances thought about the events leading unto the decision.

One month ago.

"Hey babe! What's up? I am waiting for you at class, why are you late?"

Frances felt so weak. She couldn't seem to lift herself up from the bed.

"Babe, I don't think I can make it oh, I am just unusually tired this morning but I am fine."

Tee dropped the call thinking in his heart, abi this girl don get belle?

When they met in the evening Frances complained of being weak and how she felt tired and didn't understand what was happening lately.

They had both discussed the issue and decided that she would go for pregnancy test. The test came out positive.

Frances could not imagine telling her dad that she was pregnant and she knew that her fellowship people would snicker at her. She had lied to a lot of them that she wasn't dating Tee. How would she ever hold up her face before them now?

The only logical answer seemed to be an abortion and they went for it.

The doctor was a trained doctor who had a back room where he carried out abortions.

"Lie on the table" he had said and she did.

Her eyes were shut. She couldn't look at him and then she felt something being pushed into her vagina and a bit of a sucking sound drawing something out of her. It was painful.

She had never felt such pain in her life before but more than the pain, now she was haunted. Day and night, it seemed as though she could still hear the sucking sound in her ears.

She couldn't tell Tee but she was also terrified of sex. The doctor had said to stay off sex for a month or use condom. They had tried for two weeks prior to this time but then Tee had said he would get a condom, only for him to try and pull off the condom in the middle of what they were doing.

She had almost died because of the abortion. What was he thinking?

Well that was then, now she was so determined to keep her legs closed.

Current-time

Tee was kissing her. She could still smell the cigar on his breath and even taste it on his tongue. Her thoughts were all over the place.

What was happening here?

She had been such a naive girl from the start.

When she had started dating Tee, she didn't want to have sex. Guys were always smooching her but she had really wanted to keep her virginity for her husband. If not for that guy during her 100 level that had slapped her and asked her to open her legs for him to penetrate, she would have kept that decision. Tee had said he would marry her and she believed him but what was really happening here?

He had said he was born again but he was the one who initiated sex and she had never seen him attend church once.

He said he was an ex-cultist and that he didn't do those things anymore but she didn't even understand the kind of friends he had.

Every time he would say that he did not have money and even the abortion, she had been the one to pay for it.

As Tee continued to kiss her, she pulled away.

"No. The doctor said at least one month"

"So you are denying me your body and later you will say you love me".

"I am doing it for your own good. Abi you want to do another abortion? If you want another one, I don't"

His friend had left to go to the parlour but she knew that he was just outside the door. She didn't want to disgrace herself by raising her voice.

She thought about the shameful situation she was in. Most of these boys knew her as a church girl and here she was in the name of love discussing abortion like it was a normal thing.

As Tee turned away from her, she wept.

***

"Tee, I have not seen my period for the last one month oh, we need to call the doctor again".

Frances was on the phone with Tee. What she feared the most looked like it had happened again all because of one guy who couldn't wait.

"I will call him".

Three hours later she called him back. "What did he say?"

"He said we would have to come back and see him".

This time around both of them were quiet; there were no words to say.

The doctor did the deed in silence and Frances felt so much shame; it was almost tangible. When she got home, she had strong spasms and bleeding that she almost died. Each time she remembered, she felt both the physical and psychological pain of killing two of her children now. One. Two.

Indeed, who would ever have her but Tee?

***

From the day that Frances had the second abortion, she swore she would no longer have sex with Tee. She still loved him though, so they spent time together. That Christmas, they agreed to meet and go somewhere to have fun.

She met up with him at the junction to his house since they lived in the same town.

"Hey baby, oya let's go nah".

"So where are we going to?"

Tee smiled. "You will see"

They were winding down one bush path that kept spiralling down and down.

"Are we not there yet Tee?"

"Soon".

"We are here".

The way Tee smiled so broadly, she expected to see a very pretty place but it was an open space with lots of bamboo branches and men and women smoking igbo.

"I don't understand Tee, what are we doing here?"

"They call this place jungle, babe".

"So you are here to smoke too?"

"No... I just wanted you to see this place".

They went up to a window.

"Give me monkey tail" Tee called out.

Frances made a mental note to ask someone what monkey tail was later.

Many guys were smoking igbo where they sat.

After a while she still felt uncomfortable.

"Please I want to leave".

Tee kept looking at her. His eyes were red after drinking the monkey tail.

"Babe wait nah".

"No Tee, I feel so uncomfortable. I want to leave. I know that I have done some stuff, I am not holier than thou but I nor ready to add igbo to am."

"Okay, let's go"

They ended up at a bar joint close to his house. She was beginning to wonder if she ever knew this guy before now.

She ordered one bottle of Smirnoff and he kept trying to get her to drink more. She had never had the stomach for alcohol and only one bottle had her head turning. They decided to go rest in his room for a while.

"Ah but babe, how do you even enjoy a place like that jungle deal?"

"It's just a place that used to be in my past, I wanted you to see it.

I wanted to share that part of my life with you."

"Hmmm"

Again, Tee started to kiss her. When the kiss grew too intense she pulled away but he pinned her down with his body.

"Tee let me go. I don't want to."

"What do you mean? I cannot touch my own girlfriend again?"

He started to get rough with her.

Her heart was pounding.

Who would she tell?

Who would help her?

She screamed.

No one came into the room.

Tee continued to try to pull her jeans. She was scrambling and crying. "What's wrong with you? Leave me alone!" It was almost like he was possessed.

Maybe she should just give up but she really didn't want that kind of life again. She had asked God for forgiveness after the abortion and she didn't want to go back down that road again. She kept hearing Tee's voice and grunts as he tried to pull off her jeans.

"What do you mean? I can't have sex with my girlfriend again?"

They kept struggling with one another until he finally let her go.

She ran out of the room and saw Tee's brother standing in the corridor. That means he must have heard her but did nothing.

She sat on the chair outside the room, dropped her head and cried.

Was this the kind of life she had bargained for?

Wasn't this a repeat of her parent's marriage?

She went back into the room, picked her purse from the floor and left.

Tee didn't even take the time to look at her; that was how unremorseful he was.

THE SCARS

## Chapter 4

Lyna tried to scrub off the dirt from her body. She was sitting in the bathtub of her lover, Faith, after a row of steaming sex. She should be happy but she wasn't.

Every time she did this she heard Mama's priest's voice in her ears.

"You will burn in hell", he said and just maybe she would. But then again, maybe she could actually go to hell by herself.

She looked around the bathroom for something she could use. It won't be the first time she thought about killing herself and it most likely won't be the last. Sometimes it felt like she was obsessed with the thought. She hated her life and she was disgusted at herself; two-timing both girls and guys. She knew that something was terribly wrong with her but she couldn't tell anyone.

She heard the voices in her head every time.

"Maybe you should just do it now. Kill yourself. No one would know and no one would care".

"Who has sex with both girls and guys? You are a weirdo. Strange". "And you can't even be satisfied with one; you leave one for the next. You are insane".

She covered her ears and stopped herself from screaming out loud.

She tried to look up into the heavens but she didn't think she would get any help there.

She wanted to cry out "oh Lord help me" but mama's priest had said that the only option available to a sinner was hell.

She was cursed; doomed to this life in which she was a prisoner. This life where Uncle and Nnamdi had given her what NdidiAmaka said was sweet and left her with no iota of control.

How could she stop?

Who would help her?

She thought of telling Faith her lover her struggles.

She rose from the tub in a desperate attempt at salvation and hurried to the room.

She looked at the bed of sin they had just lain on; Faith was sitting up in bed. If she didn't broach the topic now, she would never be able to do so again.

"Faith, do you sometimes think that there is something wrong with us?"

Faith looked at her weirdly.

"I mean, do you feel suppressed under the inability to be normal just like everyone else with a normal love for only men?"

Faith wondered where this line of conversation was going to.

"I don't know... why?"

"I mean, look at us. You know that you are not my only lover right? I do guys and I do girls. Even after 3 rounds of mind-blowing sex with you, I am not satisfied! I am addicted to men and I am addicted to women. I can't stop. And even when I say that I do not want to do it anymore, I can't. I just have to.

How can someone live with such a lack of control in her life? I cannot help myself. I can't. I know I need help but who do I run to? What can I do to save myself?"

Lyna turned away from Faith and faced the window so she wouldn't see her tears.

Faith's face took on a look of tenderness at first but then she wondered what exactly this was about. She didn't want to be drawn into someone else's guilt trip. She had enough to worry about on her own.

So she said the only thing she could think of as a response: "I enjoy what we have Lyna. I enjoy what I do. I enjoyed you. I enjoy you.

You are sweet."

Lyna trembled within at the hopelessness of her situation.

"Maybe you should talk to that lady Agnes who is in your hostel. She goes to Church; I have heard her singing and praying in tongues one night when we were there. Maybe she can help you. Because I can't".

Faith turned over on the bed and wrapped herself with the covers.

Lyna looked at her with pain in her heart.

Just like Mama.

Just like Mama.

Ignorant in bliss.

***

Gloria looked at her roommates as they chattered away. As usual, they were all gay and happy and as usual she was locked in this perpetual dark cloud she could do nothing about.

She lay on her bunk bed and stared into space. She was used to people snickering behind her back now but she could do nothing about it. She was a weirdo. She knew but she still could not do anything about it.

Sometimes she saw him. Daddy. As she stared. She still saw him. 3 years after his death, she still heard his "I love you baby" and at times like that she would rave, mad at the world, and mad at him.

For one who seemed so calm, she carried such a deep anger that frightened her sometimes.

No one knew but she also masturbated. She felt filthy; just as Daddy had made her feel. But she couldn't help herself now, just as she couldn't help herself then.

Her phone was full of porn videos and images. No one knew. Since she kept to herself most times, she was on her own and always minded her own business.

Sometimes she felt as though she was cursed. She could be in class one minute and then Daddy would flash and then she would have such an irrepressible urge to masturbate. The urge would be so strong she would actually excuse herself from class, go to the toilet and give pleasure to herself.

She had not had sex since Daddy died but there was someone in her dreams who came each night.

What was wrong with her?

She was dying.

She couldn't even say these things out. She was so ashamed. Plus, she hated her Mom so badly. How could Mom not know that Daddy was showing her his machine tool at night? How could she not know that she was screaming anytime she travelled? Didn't the neighbours tell her? Didn't she feel like something was amiss? Even with all the praying she did?

Who could she tell about her problems?

All of a sudden she could feel her clitoris tingling. Oh God no.

What do I do?

She looked around as her roommates laughed among themselves.

Why am I not normal?

Everyone is having fun.

Everyone could go an afternoon without lying about the fact that they had to use the toilet. Why was her life different?

"Oh God help me".

She could feel her entire body almost tingling and when it did, it was an irrepressible force she had to answer to. Her entire mind would blank out till she excused herself to go place her hands under her panties to pleasure herself. Anytime she decided not to pay heed to it, it would overwhelm her so strongly, she would actually feel as though her brain was suspended... like she couldn't think nor wriggle up a coherent thought. Her body would shake till she reached down; phone in hand with a porn scene in her face and her mouth in silent scream taking in pleasure.

Every time it ended, she had a mixture of disgust for herself and relief that it was over till the next time it happened again.

She was cursed. That was the answer. Cursed by Daddy's "I love you".

Condemned to an existence that was less than ideal for even the worst sinner.

She rebelled at the tingling in her body that she felt.

"No, not today".

She heard the taunts, "But you know you cannot escape me, give me what I want."

She felt trapped, like a little bird in a cage. Just like she had felt trapped with Daddy for ten years, ten long years.

Mommy couldn't save her then. Her neighbours couldn't save her then.

Who would save her now?

She stood abruptly, rushing to the restroom. She made sure to take her phone.

Her hands were shaking. Her whole body in goose bumps and moist from resisting for so long.

As she reached her hands down to slip her fingers under her panties, all she could think and utter was "oh God help me".

And when it was all over, she remained seated on the toilet seat, weeping at the hopelessness of her situation.

***

"Ashewo! Ashewo! Naso you go dey sleep with every man for this campus! You don reach my boyfriend side abi?"

Eniola wanted to twist the knife in.

She smiled her usual condescending smile.

"He wasn't even good enough; I still had to finger myself to full orgasm later."

"How he go take reach for you? Nor be everybody put together for this world go fit satisfy you? Useless girl." Eniola smiled again.

The girl stopped for a bit when she saw that Eniola wasn't responding to her curses.

She suddenly remembered what she heard some girls calling her the other day.

"Nympho! Nympho!! Nympho! Unsatisfied dog! Nympho!

Them don swear for you from village you nor go talk. Now na to carry your swear everywhere you go!

Nympho! Nympho! Nympho!"

She spat at Eniola's feet and walked away.

Eniola continued her walk to her room. It was a private hostel but a crowd had gathered as the silly girl shouted on top of her voice.

She walked with her usual quiet dignity, paying no heed to the people snickering. No one was her friend anyway. She had no time for anyone else but her guys.

She allowed herself burn when she got to her room. She thought of calling up Tayo again just to show that stupid girl that she had her small boyfriend wrapped around her finger but she stopped.

Of what use would that be?

She was just coming from a night out with Obi and after a while they all seemed to merge into one.

Ah, she would show them!

Her shoulders rose in indignation.

Was it not one foolish boy that thought he could kill her by letting 4 boys have sex with her? Now she was having sex with them in their tens and twenties. Who was the winner now?

Stupid boys, all of them were foolish!

See the way they begged for sex. Lapping like dogs just to penetrate a vagina!

Foolish human beings.

She had shown Obi nah. The one she did last night and her recent exploration. She would ask the men to chain themselves to their bedpost like dogs while she had liberty to do with them as she desired and all of them obliged.

She had never seen such fools like men in need of sex before. She had quickly realized from Sam's foolish rape that all these men wanted was sex and she would never let another man take it forcefully from her ever again! She would control them with her "I love you". They would never control her.

What was love?

Was love not sex to them? Now she was giving them and they were the reason why foolish girls like this stupid odonyo, 100 level idiot dey see mouth to insult her.

Her soul raged within her!

Foolish men!

Foolish girls!

That one think say she love her boyfriend.

How do you love someone who is ready to sleep with another girl in the same campus with you, all in the pursuit of pleasure?

Fools.

That's who they all were.

Fools!

And the voice said "including you..."

This was the part that no one knew. Sometimes she could actually hear a sinister voice condemning her... but she didn't care. She was already condemned. She may as well take it all.

But the voice always left her yearning for some sort of absolution and she knew she could get none. Not from these hypocrites and not from anyone else. Even God.

Well, so be it...

## Chapter 5

Lyna was seated in front of Agnes, the lady Faith had suggested that she speak to about her doubts and thoughts. They were at a new café that opened in town. She had suggested it because it was far from campus, so no prying eyes would see them.

She didn't know what to say or how to start.

She decided to just make small talk so they could have a soft introduction into the deep things she had to share.

"So where did you grow up Agnes?"

"Oh, I am from the North. I grew up in Bauchi. My parents are civil servants and they still live there".

"Oh wow. I have never really been close to anyone from the North.

Me I am an Igbo girl from Imo State".

Agnes nodded as she sipped the coke they had both ordered.

"So uhm, did you grow up in a Christian home or how did you become a Christian?"

Agnes beamed. She loved telling this part of her story.

"My mom and dad are really committed Christians. Dad is a deacon in Church and my mom runs a women ministry. She takes in young girls who are pregnant and helps them through delivery while training them in school or handiwork afterwards.

I grew up with a natural love for Jesus in my heart. My mom used to tell me that even as a little kid I would write love notes to Jesus and always want to go to Church. So I am a church girl through and through."

"So that's my Christian story." Agnes smiled.

Lyna smiled back. So Agnes would know how to help her if she has known Jesus for so long.

"I also heard that you are the sisters' leader in your fellowship".

"Yes, I have always had a heart for women so when I came to school and heard that they have excos in fellowship, I just simply gave Jesus my heart and asked Him to use me as He pleases and lo and behold, next exco elections they nominated me and gave me the file for sisters leader.

My aim is really to help raise girls and young ladies in purity. I really and truly believe that girls can be pure. We can be chaste and keep our bodies for God".

Lyna's eyes widened as she wondered what this lady would think of what she had to tell her. But there was no one else to help.

She decided to spill. She was here already and she could as well gather the courage to talk.

"I need your help with that purity angle, Agnes.

So this is the issue: I sleep with guys. I am not a virgin".

She dropped her head; she didn't want to look up to see the expression on Agnes' face.

And I sleep with girls too. I am bisexual".

For a minute it felt like the whole cafe was hit with silence.

Lyna rushed on before she could stop.

"I need help. Sometimes I think of killing myself because I can't stop. The urge to do both girls and guys consumes me so strongly I have to reach out to one of them. Either one of them to get a fix".

"I don't know if God would accept me. The Jesus you know, does He accept people like me? Even if He doesn't accept me, no problem. Can you just tell me how I can stay off sex at least with the girls? Because every time that one happens I hear taunts in my ears. I feel filthy and I feel dirty. I feel ashamed.

Please Agnes, help me."

She couldn't cry because she hated tears. She had decided to suspend tears after Uncle touched her because NdidiAmaka said it was sweet.

She had practiced and learnt how to smile in the face of "sweetness".

Agnes was silent for so long that Lyna had to lift up her face to check out what was happening.

She had a very passive expression on her face, nothing was being given off.

"I am sorry Lyna, I am just shocked. Ah. That thing is a strange thing oh. Lesbianism. I have never had any experience with it but you know that the Bible says that all gay people will burn in hell. You have to change before He can accept you. You truly have to change. Maybe you can delete the numbers of those girls and just stop calling and answering their calls."

Lyna cut in "But they know my house and I have tried to delete their numbers but it doesn't work. Maybe I need something higher."

"There is nothing higher Lyna. It's your mind. You have to make up your mind. Once you make up your mind, you can do it. See I have been a virgin and I haven't had sex since. It was because I just decided that I won't allow any man sleep with me before marriage.

You can do it. Don't make excuses.

See ehn, this thing is strange, really strange. It's a sign of the end times and no one wants to have anything to do with that. Not even Jesus.

It's in the book of Romans. It says that they burned with inordinate lust for themselves because of their stubbornness. The women burned for women and the men burned for men and this one sef, you are burning for both."

"I can only help you if you at least remove the strange fire of sleeping with the women. Then I can say, okay, you sleeping with men isn't so bad. Jesus can help that one.

I have to go now. I have fellowship by 5. When you have cut off the women please let me know."

Lyna watched as Agnes stood in a hurry to leave.

There was nothing else to do, she went home too.

She had not even told her about the incest with Uncle and Nnamdi. Was that a strange fire too? What would she have thought about that? What did her Jesus have to say about that aspect?

She sat down on the bed and began to delete their numbers one after the other. The truth was that deleting their numbers wasn't hard for her. She didn't have any affection towards any of them... maybe only a little bit because it had all started with her.

What she wanted was someone to make her feel safe. Men satisfied her sexual urges; the urges awakened by Uncle and Nnamdi but women made it bearable. They made her feel like she wasn't being forced; it was her choice to have sex with them. She could have a choice other than having her door and leg thrown open every time her mother travelled, couldn't she?

She could.

Oh what a wretched life she lived.

She looked at her phone and the numbers. Deleting the numbers was forgotten in the light of her thoughts. Faith was calling. She couldn't pick. Not at this vulnerable state.

So who would have her?

If Agnes the pure girl couldn't help her or touch her as she was; why would Jesus?

How could she cleanse herself enough?

How?

She wept.

"Help me. Someone. Anyone. Help me."

She heard a knock on the door at that moment.

"Who is it?"

"It's me Faith".

Was this her help? She would take it.

"Hold on, I am coming."

She stood, went into the bathroom and washed her face. She was undecided. She knew what would happen if she let Faith in. But this was her way out, wasn't it? She needed help. She needed to feel safe. She needed to sleep in someone's arms tonight. She couldn't sleep alone.

She opened the door.

The first words out of Faith's mouth were "Baby, I missed you."

She recognized that look in her eyes. And as Faith took her in her hands and kissed her, she forced herself to forget her afternoon with Agnes and that her advice had ever happened.

***

Frances was having a dream.

This time it was the doctor from the hospital. He was asking her if she was coming back.

"No, I am not."

"Yes you are."

"No I am not."

"Yes you are. You know why? Because you are so foolish. You will get pregnant again, I bet it on the abortion instrument I used on you."

He laughed a sinister laughter.

"Watch! I will see you soon."

She woke up in a pool of her sweat. At least once in a week she had a dream similar to this one. It was the abortion, she knew.

She lay still. She couldn't move. Each time she had the dream she would be immobilized to nothingness. She could tell no one. Tee seemed to have moved on. They had never spoken about it again except one time when he said that he knew it was a girl.

She clutched her stomach as she muttered "oh my babies. Oh my babies. Oh my babies."

She thought. Who would I tell?

Nobody in my school fellowship would listen to me. She looked down to her hands "I have blood on my hands; condemned to die in my guilt and shame."

These days she couldn't even look up to God's side. She had tried but it wasn't working. She couldn't sit with a devotional when she knew that she had done something really bad against Him.

"Oh Lord. Please. Please. Please".

She didn't think that He would hear her but she needed help.

Her relationship wasn't working anymore. Tee had become a monster, worse than before.

What a wretched life she was living.

Maybe I can go to Mama T. Maybe.

She knew that she had heard that Mama T accepted everyone before but could she hope on that?

Maybe.

She could at least try.

***

Eniola wasn't happy. Three guys already this week and all of them had ejaculated before she could even say "give me."

She had always known men were foolish but now they couldn't even fulfil her sex needs.

Maybe the next thing she would do now was to have threesomes or maybe even foursomes. Since one of them alone did not seem to have enough brain in their head to stick it out.

She went online, trying to look for anyone who was available for a threesome in the sex room chat she was on.

She saw "Adebayo Clarkson."

As she made to click on the name she suddenly heard, "I love you".

She looked around.

She hated that word with a passion except she was the one using it on one of her guys for pleasure

She hissed.

Eniola...I love you!

She dropped her phone in anger and raged.

"You love me! What do you know about love? What stupid idea do you have about love? Love is sex and sex is love and I have enough!"

The quiet voice said, "Do you?"

She shuddered as she looked down to her phone. It was open to Adebayo Clarkson's page with the words "ready for a threesome?" blinking in red.

In anger and in response to the voice that asked her "Do you?" she clicked "yes."

Eniola smiled "I do now."

***

She hooked up with Adebayo Clarkson and agreed to meet him that night with the second guy who he said was his friend.

She didn't know what was happening but she was angry, hurt and in pain. Who was anyone to tell her about love? Whether it was an imaginary voice or not, she would show them that she had all the love she needed. Love is sex and sex is love. No one would tell her any different.

She arrived at the hotel they had planned to meet at, ready to mingle. She was dressed in high heeled red shoes with a very short skirt with its length sitting directly above her pubic area.

Tonight would be the maddest night she could make it out to be.

The maddest and baddest...

***

Room 309

Before she could knock on the door, it opened of its own accord.

"Nice. They probably saw me coming from downstairs."

The room was dark. Pitch dark. The guys probably liked to play games in the dark like she did. She hated to see the faces of the men she slept with; they were all the same.

"Hey baby." She heard the masculine voice from the back and as she turned with a smile, she found herself enraptured in an embrace.

He kept kissing her. She felt like there was a presence behind her but before she could turn to check, someone twisted her hands behind her and chained her two hands behind her back.

She tried to look at the guy in front of her for explanation.

He laughed.

"Babe, normal is not exciting. We want to infuse some fun into this."

The other guy behind her brought some hot water into the room.

The guy in front of her pulled her down on the bed and drew the pan of hot water near. He placed her feet inside it. She screamed. He would place it in for a few seconds and lift it out again. And every time she screamed she could feel his excitement growing.

The other guy went behind her, ripped her shirt and tore out her bra.

He handled her breasts and nipples with so much force she cried out. He bit her so bad on one of them that she cried out "But I was going to give you guys me for free." They both laughed at her outburst.

"But where is the fun in that Eniola?"

They took her to a table and sat her in between it. The table was made in a way that it had a bit of an opening in the middle.

Her pubic area was open and exposed from both the back and front.

Both naked guys advanced towards her. On both their faces was pure delight.

One split to her back and another to her front.

As they tore into her roughly, amidst their grunts and groans, she heard:

"Now you have as much love as you need."

Her pain was so great, she couldn't even weep. She had had anal sex before so she wasn't too pained. She was pained at the repeat of what she had sworn would never ever happen to her again.

She cursed Sam and the four senior boys in her heart. She didn't even blame these ones. They were all just as stupid as Sam. She raged in pain and torment even as the two men found pleasure from their cruelty.

Her heart cried.

"So what is love? This is it. This is all there is to it?"

Somewhere high above her, looking down on her with compassion on His face, the One who was love Himself wept.

## Chapter 6

Gloria knew it was a man this time around, a very dark man. He came to her bedside, raised the flap of her mosquito net and asked her to sit up. He sat close to her and placed her hands on his penis and as usual, asked her to suck him.

Then he pulled off her nightgown, caressed her and had sex with her.

When he was done, he smiled, patted her cheek and left. She immediately woke up in a sweat, scared out of her mind.

She touched her body and it felt like someone had physically touched her; she was wet down there. She raised her fingers to her nose and the smell was familiar, it smelled very much like daddy's semen.

Was it semen or was she crazy?

She didn't know what to do or what to say.

They seemed like dreams but they weren't really dreams. Who could she tell that someone slept with her in her dreams at night?

Most people on campus already felt like she was deranged and she wouldn't blame them. Anytime the urge to masturbate hit her, she felt like an abnormal person. Recently, if she waited for more than 10 minutes her hands would start shaking and her teeth would rapidly chatter as they clashed together. It was a crazy struggle for control.

She placed her pillow over her head as she cried.

"Who can I tell, Lord? Who would believe me?"

She went to Church but had never heard anyone talk about sex, much less about how to overcome sexual addictions and struggles. She wasn't born again but she liked the calm feeling she got from sitting in Church. It was the only place she had ever been able to feel calm, but she never spoke to anyone there.

Her heart ached, how can I strike up a conversation with anyone? If they find out what I have done, that would be the end of it.

Nobody can love a girl like me. Nobody.

She knew that what she and daddy had done was an abomination and they had done it for ten years - ten long years! Why did she continue?

Why didn't she tell mommy?

She knew the answer. It was the same reason why the man in her dreams kept coming back. Every time things like that happened, she became paralyzed. Almost like her senses were suspended to nothingness.

Still, she had really great grades because, like Church, books were a medium of escape for her but her head and life was a mess.

And it would always be one.

***

Eniola woke up to the sun streaming in through the windows at the hotel room. It seemed like her brain was not functioning for a minute but as she looked around, she remembered.

She reached down to check the condition of her privates and found a trickle of blood on the floor. Her body ached from being tied for so long and her throat was sore from screaming.

Adebayo and his friend were nowhere to be found.

She thought of someone she could call, anyone... and realized that all the numbers on her phone were of people she knew on a contractual basis, either for sex or for school runs.

She had an idea; maybe she should just kill herself and end it right here. She saw no reason to live.

If sex was love and love was sex and even giving it willingly wasn't enough, then what was there to live for? Her life had no worth and her existence held no value. Why live?

Her mind rebelled at the suicidal thought. She will pay them back! She will pay all men back!

With her eyes flashing, she found the strength to stand up from the ground where the men had left her. She walked slowly to the bed and laid on it for a minute to gather up enough strength to put on her clothes. When she tried to put on her skirt, she passed out.

***

Eniola opened her eyes in a hospital. There was a young man sitting on the chair in front of her. When he saw her stir, he rushed to her.

"How are you feeling?"

She felt sore all over but she couldn't talk.

"My name is Nifemi. I work at Royal bowl hotel. I was the one on duty yesterday morning and was supposed to check out guests from their rooms. When I came to your room, I found you on the floor and I brought you here."

She still couldn't say anything in response. If he was looking for a thank you, she had none for him. He stood and she could see his head turning, he seemed a bit unsure of what to do.

"I will call the doctor for you".

She didn't blame him, she must look a sight.

The doctor came in. He was a young handsome man in his thirties but unlike before, she felt repulsed at the thought of having anything to do with him.

"Miss Eniola, thank God you are awake. We found your ID card in your purse but there was no phone in it, so we couldn't call anyone."

He turned and nodded to Nifemi to excuse them.

Then he turned his attention back to her.

"I am so sorry ma. How are you feeling? You were badly wounded from the rape. Your feet also sustained some scalding we had to treat. We gave you some drugs to flush your system so you do not have to worry about pregnancy or contracting any diseases. A good thing Nifemi got here in time.

You are still sore around the edges. We would like to keep you for about two days to watch your vitals."

She finally spoke.

"What do you mean sore around the edges?"

"Well, it would seem like whoever raped you did it through both your anus and vagina. The lining around your vagina is terribly sore. Thankfully there was no rupture but anal sex when done forcefully can result in a lot of things. The anus doesn't really have capacity to expand as a vagina would, so in times of violence, a lot can go wrong.

We would just keep you for some days and let you know when you can go home".

She nodded.

"Is there anyone you want to call to come check on you? Family? Friends?"

She thought for a bit; she could call mama but the truth was that the only relationship she had with mama was one of money and she wanted it to remain that way. Every other person she knew was for business, she kept things tidy that way.

"No."

"Alright then. I would call Nifemi back in and check on you in the evening."

She managed to smile in gratitude to him. Just a little smile, that won't hurt.

Nifemi came in looking as uncomfortable as he was when he left.

"I bought you some oranges and bananas. The doctor said you may not have appetite for much."

He dropped them on the cabinet close to her and sat down on the chair facing her again.

"I have to go back to work for the afternoon shift but I have settled some part of the bill with the doctor. I am settling them daily so todays own will be sorted when I come back."

He waited, and when she didn't respond to him, he continued.

"The doctor said that you said you don't have anyone to call. If you don't mind, I would love to stay and take care of you. I can't be here 24 hours non-stop but I will work out a way around my shift, God willing".

He stood and wrote something on a paper. He dropped that with the fruits on top of her cabinet.

"I will be back."

When she looked at the paper, she saw his name and number written on it along with the words "Jesus loves you" and she flew into a mad rage on the inside of her.

Who was Jesus?

Who recognizes that name?

What help has that name ever been to anyone?

She knew that she didn't know a lot about Christianity but merely seeing the name Jesus was enough to make her mad.

They called Him the saviour.

Who had He ever saved? Definitely not her.

She would warn Nifemi about it when he came back.

Jesus?

Saviour of the whole world?

He was definitely not her saviour!

***

Lyna stretched out on the bed beside her new lover. Her name was Edna. Edna had been looking for a lesbian lover for a while but had never gotten a steady one. They met through a mutual friend on campus and hit things off immediately.

She played with her locks, she liked Edna. She was playful and lived life without a care in the world.

And both of you would burn in hell!

She froze. The voice in her head had become more forceful of recent. Sometimes it seemed like she was mad but the more it spoke, the more she felt compelled to meet more girls. The only time the voice dimmed was when she was with her lovers.

...in the bed-pool of sin

She stood and went into the bathroom because sometimes like this time, she would actually have the urge to reply the voice. She didn't want to scare Edna.

Immediately she stepped into the bathroom she began: "Shut up!

You don't know anything about me!"

I know

"You don't!"

I know

"You don't! Shut up!"

I know what you did with Uncle and NdidiAmaka. You are such a filthy little scum! Just die! Your mother would be so ashamed of you right now. Your sweet mama that took you to Church. Look who you turned out to be. Loose thing.

Lyna sat on the toilet seat and wept. The pleasure only lasted for the moment and afterwards she was back to this place where she felt like dirt.

She took a sponge and soap from the bathroom cabinet and attempted to scrub herself clean. The more she tried, the more it felt like a hopeless situation.

She looked up at the ceiling.

"Please deliver me from myself. Please. Please. Deliver me from my self"

***

It was a shouting match between the both of them again. He had slapped her last week in front of the school library and as usual, he did not apologize. Frances had gone to look for him at Shell Block where she knew he would be reading. School exams would begin soon and she couldn't even concentrate because she had to settle with Tee first.

She had apologized and all he could say was "You nor get respect oh" and that had sent her into another rage.

"I don't understand. You slapped me but instead of you to apologize, I apologized and all you can say is that I don't have respect?"

"Why did I slap you? You were calling me a liar."

"Because you were lying! I saw you that morning off campus when you said you were not in town and you were lying that was not you. Why were you lying? What were you doing there? If it means nothing, why didn't you just say the truth? I know that I am naive but that side you were coming from, was it not AKP's side where they use to smoke igbo? You will lie too that you don't smoke but your shirt is always smelling like igbo. How come you say you just sit with people that smoke but you don't smoke?"

Tee was shaking his head at her with his trademark expression of pity on his face.

"I don tell you say na only me go fit marry you. No man go fit marry you oh. Your mama nor fit keep her marriage and you too nor fit.

You people should go and find what is wrong with you because na curse be that."

And with that, he walked out on her.

Frances rested her head on the table and wept. She didn't know what to do.

See somebody I committed abortion for. Somebody I have withdrawn and given money to over and over again. Somebody I gave my body willingly.

He would treat her like trash, talk to her anyhow and still expect her to apologize to him.

She didn't even think that she had any value anymore. Her grades were down and her life had no joy.

Again she thought of talking to the vice president in their fellowship.

She had even seen a text message in Tee's phone last week from a girl who said she was pregnant. When she asked him, he said it was his friend whose girlfriend had sent the message to him, but something still made her jot down the girl's number. Maybe she should call her to end this once and for all.

But if Tee was really cheating on her, what could she do? Who would accept her or even ever marry her?

Nobody would want a fat girl who had committed two abortions.

Nobody will.

Nobody.

THE JOURNEY TO FREEDOM

## Chapter 7

Gloria woke up from a dream where God had spoken to her. She knew it was crazy but He had. He truly had.

She heard, "I will take your scarred and burned parts and make you whole. I will fix you".

But who could fix her brokenness? She knew that she always felt better when she was at the Church but that was all, wasn't it? Maybe she only had the dream because today was Sunday and she had to go to Church. She pondered back and forth and rolled the words over in her mind, "I want to make you whole. I want to fix You."

Would that ever happen for her?

Finally, she decided to dress up and go and have the only sane two hours she ever had in a week. As soon as she stepped into the bathroom, she immediately felt the tingling in her vagina. She stopped in her tracks, broke down in the bathtub and just started to cry.

"God, God help me. Please help me. Please help me. I am so tired of this life. I believe that you exist and I believe that you are God. Are you not all-powerful? Are you not all-knowing? You know how this started with daddy. You know that I am in this situation today from his mistakes. It's his fault. It's all his fault. Why do I have to pay for it?"

As she spoke with tears, the tingling increased and she shook with the intensity of it.

"Only me Lord, masturbation, addiction to pornography, low self-esteem issues, I can't talk to anyone. I can't do anything. I can't step out with my dreams and to add to that, I have a spirit husband who sleeps with me in the night.

Oh Lord I need your help. Can you hear me? Can you hear me?"

She wept bitterly even as she reached down to relieve herself of her sexual tension and arousal. She didn't want this life. It wasn't just a sexual need, it was an addiction, and it controlled her life. It incapacitated her. What would happen when she had to travel for long distances at a time? Yes, now she lived close to home and never even went home but what if she had to travel out of Nigeria? What if she had a speaking engagement somewhere far out? Yes, she couldn't talk now but she had dreams. Who would ever invite a junkie woman who was addicted to touching herself?

"Oh Lord. I beg you. Please help me. I want a better life. I want a better life. I want a better life! Must my sins trail me forever? Daddy is dead. His own sins stopped when he died. Must I wait till I die too?"

She wept and wept and wept. She couldn't even lift up her hands to wash herself. She lay in the aftermath of her relief from masturbation and felt like filth.

"For who will deliver me from this burden of death?"

She looked up in shock. Who was talking to her and placing words in her mouth today?

Who delivers from the burden of death?

What is the burden of death?

Is there anything like a burden of death?

"Well, my life feels like death. Maybe my mind is just piecing the words together".

She lay still for a moment, still in tears. After a while she decided, "Wo, at least I can have two sane hours at Church today."

Church to her was a way to get away from her life. She didn't know what others did or wherever they went but for her, the feeling of peace came from seeing calm faces with a semblance of order. She had never much understood what was being preached but she had this thing with pastor's voice drowning out her pain and thoughts.

She had her bath and stepped out of the bathroom and even as she dressed up, her heart kept crying out "I need help. I need help. I have a burden of death on me. I have a burden of death on me."

She had totally forgotten the dream and the words she heard that morning from God.

***

Lyna woke up that morning from Edna's bed scared and shivering from fear.

She had had the dream again. The one where the priest was shouting, You will burn in hell!

This time he had seen her on her bed with NdidiAmaka and set the bed on fire. There was no way of escape from the room. She heard his voice within the flames. He was laughing with delight; screaming, You deserve to burn in hell!

Edna had gone to Church this morning but she had decided to sleep in. She didn't know how the girl did it. How do you sleep with women and still go to Church?

Or was it just her that thought lesbianism was wrong? Maybe it was just her background as a Catholic girl.

Maybe it was just sin in her head?

Maybe she too could live her life with absolutely no regrets.

She sighed, "But I can't, I hear voices and I have dreams of hell fire every night."

Her life was with no questions, an absolute mess. She was hands down nothing good to write home about, she knew that even the girls she was with only stayed with her for sex. Of her own and on her own, she was good for nothing. That was why Uncle and Nnamdi had abused her. She was good for nothing great or worthwhile. She knew that and she had accepted her fate.

But death scared her.

"What if I die today? Would I really go to hell? Would that be my fate? I do not want that."

She had always had an irrepressible fear of hell. She didn't want to die and she didn't want to burn for the rest of her life. She knew that other girls she slept with called this life a normal life but something in her refused to believe it. It wasn't a normal life.

Maybe it was because of the way she came into it as an alternative lifestyle in order to exert her right to choose people other than Uncle and Nnamdi.

Why couldn't she have sex with whoever she wanted? Why couldn't she exert her right to choose? Was she doomed to have uncles as sex partners who forced themselves on her?

She had seen an alternative way to live and she took it!

Her eyes shone in defiance.

"I wanted to be free!"

...but are you free right now?

"I am!"

In bondage to sex and in slavery to the voices in your head? Do you really like this lifestyle?

"I do!"

She had said "I do" in reflex and defence but after a while she admitted in her heart, "I don't".

This time the voice she heard wasn't harsh or brash or condemning. It didn't sound like the voice that asked her to kill herself and it didn't sound like mama's priest's voice too.

She heard in the softest of tones, I have better for you.

She looked around.

Who was talking?

***

Frances walked into fellowship tired and battered. She had found out that the girl who had texted Tee that she was pregnant was his girlfriend. She had also found out that a particular girl who he had said was his cousin was his girlfriend at the time. Her heart couldn't take it. What was happening?

The cousin girl had even said that she lived in this same town with them. She remembered times when Tee would say he travelled to Benin to see his cousins and that he didn't have transport fare to come back to town. She would send him money and he would come back showing her pictures of this girl - his cousin who he had spent the time with at Benin.

Her heart and life had been such a mess since she found out.

"I mean, I was willing to endure the fights and his words. All couples fight. But this one... Lord, what do I do?"

One of the things she had done recently was that she started going back to Church. She still didn't think that Jesus would have her with her abortions and blood on her hands but she could at least go back to being in His house if not in His heart. What she really wanted was clarity. She needed to know what to do. Did this mean that she had to break up with Tee?

After a man cheats on a woman, couldn't he be forgiven?

She had committed abortions with this man, if she left him now, would she ever find another man to marry?

On the other hand, she was also not happy with her life. As the preacher for today spoke, her thoughts whirred away.

I mean, Lord, I am less than 20 years old but I have no joy in my life. If Tee isn't with me I am sad, if he is with me, I am also sad. I can't live without him but I also don't like my life with him. He belittles and puts me down. I want a better life and I don't know if you can give me that. But I am confused. Do I have to leave Tee?

She looked to her right and saw her fellowship vice-president.

Maybe I can talk with her after fellowship.

The whole time during the service her mind was rotating a mile a minute.

Immediately after service, she summoned the courage to go see mama T.

"Mama please do you have some time? I want to see you."

Mama T turned with a smile on her face. Frances thought of how she had always been so friendly even when others had turned down their noses on her when she started to date Tee.

"Yes Frances dear. Just hold on for a bit, I have to pray with the excos"

"Okay".

Her palms were sweaty as she waited. How would she begin this conversation? What would she say? What would mama T's response be?

"Ok dear, I am here."

"Mama I need your help".

"If somebody is dating someone and doesn't feel like the relationship is working, what should she do?" No. She decided to come out plainly.

"I have been dating Tee."

She stopped to watch for mama's facial expression. She had told everyone in fellowship that they weren't dating.

Mama didn't look surprised so she continued.

"But there is something wrong with the relationship. I don't have joy and I don't laugh as much as I used to anymore. I feel like something is wrong but I don't know what to do.

Do I have to leave him? Must I leave the relationship to be able to change my life?"

She stopped as she waited for mama to start talking.

"Frances, do you know how I knew you?

I knew you when you just came in as a 100 level student.

One of your classmates at secondary school who lives in my street came to tell me that her Senior Prefect at school just gained admission into my school. She said that you are very brilliant. Then I came to fellowship and found out it was the same Frances who had joined my fellowship in school".

She paused.

"Frances where is that intelligent girl?

Where is she?

You are very beautiful Frances. You are a very beautiful girl. Men will kneel and beg for your attention and ask you to marry them. They will."

As she spoke, Frances wept.

One problem was that she didn't even think that she was intelligent anymore. Even though she and Tee read together, it always seemed like they were in a silent competition. Recently he had gotten all Bs and As and she had had none. All she had to show for the last 200 level exams were one B, many Cs and even an E.

Why was mama T calling her an intelligent girl? Now, she was daft, sad and couldn't keep a relationship like her mom.

She said men would beg to ask for her hand in marriage. What if she told her about the abortions? Who would beg her to marry her then?

She grasped the only opening she could see.

"Mama T, but do I have to leave him? What if he changes? I want to follow God and have a better life than this sad one but what if my change can change Tee too?"

"What if I leave him and he is supposed to be my husband?"

"Frances, but what if he is not? You have to trust God with your marital story. If you release Tee and he is your husband, God can bring him back to you."

They rounded up their conversation and as Frances walked away, she wept in her heart for all she had lost.

Where is that intelligent Frances?

Where is she?

She also couldn't leave Tee. She just couldn't.

***

The last two weeks at Church had gone well for Gloria. Amazingly well actually. She still didn't know what the voice in her dream meant by "I will make you whole" but she was actually starting to feel like she could be whole, that maybe - just maybe - there was hope for her.

Even though she still masturbated and her rage and pain at daddy hadn't died down; she actually felt like there was hope for her.

Anita, her roommate, looked at her weirdly.

"What's up Anita? Why are you looking at me like that?"

"Uhm, you are smiling. It's uhm weird to see you smile."

She said nothing but simply smiled in response to her statement.

Last week, the pastor had spoken about the sinful woman who came to see Jesus in Luke Chapter 7.

He had said that the woman was known all over town as a sinful woman. Her reputation in those conservative times was nothing to write home about.

At least her own sins were hidden. But the mind-blowing thing was that this woman braved through the condemnation to come see Jesus. She thought for a bit.

"What would have made such a woman to come into the house of a pharisee? A pharisee oh! One of the most judgmental and religious people in Israel as at that time. What would make that woman brave the whole deal to come see Jesus?"

Another voice replied, "She must have been so desperate to receive help."

This had been happening recently too. A voice replied her when she spoke. She didn't know how to explain it. Ever since the dream she had two weeks ago, it would seem like she had conversations with herself. It wasn't anything like the other voices that asked her to masturbate; this voice was always calm and peaceful. It spoke to her calmly and her nerves always relaxed when she heard it. Sometimes it just spoke to provide an answer when she was pondering over issues.

"But this woman... was it worth it? To go all the way and walk through condemning eyes just to see Jesus?"

"If you felt like you could get help from someone, wouldn't you take it?" Hope soared in her.

"I would!"

"Then great! JESUS is that help."

"But how do I receive His help?"

She heard nothing in response so she brought out her Bible. This was another change in recent times too. Her heart just always went to the Bible. Where, before, she never used to understand it, now it always struck a chord in her heart.

She opened it to Luke Chapter 7.

"A Pharisee invited Jesus to have dinner with him, and Jesus went to his house and sat down to eat. In that town was a woman who lived a sinful life. She heard that Jesus was eating in the Pharisee's house, so she brought an alabaster jar full of perfume and stood behind Jesus, by his feet, crying and wetting his feet with her tears. Then she dried his feet with her hair, kissed them, and poured the perfume on them."

She thought about the woman's story again. Why was she weeping?

The Bible called her "a sinful woman".

But were we not all people who lived sinful lives?

No.

Aha, message version called her "the town harlot".

This woman struggled with sexual sins too!

A light bulb went off in her head.

What?!

This woman struggled with sex!

She lived a sinful sexual life!

She was the town harlot. In these days she would have been called an "ashewo!"

Her thoughts rolled in a mile a minute!

"God what are you telling me?"

"Look at it again..."

She squinted, in full concentration, trying to get what He was saying.

"Gloria, she came to me. She came to me.

"Listen my beloved; she came to me."

She looked at her Bible again.

"She heard that Jesus was eating in the Pharisee's house, so she brought an alabaster jar full of perfume and stood behind Jesus, by his feet, crying and wetting his feet with her tears. Then she dried his feet with her hair, kissed them, and poured the perfume on them..."

Oh Lord I don't see it. Please show me.

"For as many who call upon the name of the Lord shall be saved."

She strained her ears.

"What?"

"For as many who call upon the name of the Lord shall be saved.

"She came to me.

"Gloria, beloved, come to me."

She was stretched out prostrate on her bed with her Bible lying at her head.

"But I don't know if you would have me Lord. Do you know me? Do you know my story?"

"She came to me Gloria. You come to me too."

She wanted to say the words but she didn't know what to say, shame so strong curled deep around her throat. The only response her mind could seem to give was her tears. Tears flowed freely from her eyes.

"Dear Lord, if you would have me..."

She tried again, "Jesus, if you would have me, I am here."

Somewhere deep inside her heart, she knew these words meant more than all the words she had ever spoken.

"Therefore I say to you, her sins, which are many, are forgiven".

Again, all she could do was weep for the sheer peace and overwhelming gratitude she felt.

Peace.

Gratitude at what she had been given.

***

"Lyna give me your pain."

"I can't!"

"I know they hurt you."

She had never opened the can of worms from Uncle and Nnamdi's time but immediately the man said the words "I know they hurt you", it seemed like that tap of pain was turned loose.

She looked in agony as scene after scene of the abuse played in her mind.

"You are broken Lyna. I want to fix you."

"No one can fix me. No one can fix me. Not even God Himself can fix me."

The man moved to the side of the room and it seemed like He was in tears. She couldn't understand it.

"Why are you crying Sir?"

"Because your hurt is my hurt. Your pain is my pain. I want better for you Lyna. Let me fix you."

"But who are you? How do I know that you won't hurt me like they hurt me?"

"Look at me Lyna, look into my eyes."

As she looked, it felt like she was drowning in a pool of endless love. She suddenly felt like she was loved and she mattered.

Her gaze was suddenly drawn to something else. His hands. He raised them to his chest and when He opened His hands she saw holes with blood dripping from the open wound.

"I did this for you Lyna. I did this for you."

She woke up in a pool of sweat and tears. Her tears kept flowing and she didn't understand why.

Suddenly she had an irrational urge to prostrate on the floor naked.

Naked and still in tears...

She didn't know how she knew but she just knew that the man in her dreams was Jesus.

She lay prostrate before Him, "if you will have me Jesus, then take me. I am broken, something deep on the inside of me is broken, but please fix me."

And with every tear she shed as she lay naked before her King, prostrate before the only One who could fix her, she felt washed.

Washed and free.

"And I will fix up your broken pieces Lyna. I will put them together and make a beautiful tapestry out of them. Trust me."

When she stood up from the floor, spent from crying out her deepest pain and hidden feelings, she knew her life would never be the same again.

***

It had been a week since Frances spoke to Mama T.

She had tried to make a decision but everywhere she turned had a roadblock.

Couldn't she come back to God and have Tee too? Must she let go of one for the other?

Tee could change, couldn't he?

He could.

If she had to leave him, who would she read with for exams? Who would call her and give her attention? Oh, how would she survive?

She hadn't shared her conclusion with mama T after that day. She had been thinking about it.

Now, she and Tee were to meet up to talk. She had not seen him since their last quarrel and he didn't call her as usual. She had called to apologize and asked to see him. He was sitting in front of the school offices when she arrived.

"Hey baby..."

As she leaned down to hug him she caught the familiar scent of igbo.

But she wasn't going to say a thing.

"How are you doing?"

"I am fine."

"You haven't called me in the past few days."

"Yeah, I have been busy. I had to rush home. They said my mom wasn't feeling fine."

Frances wondered how many of those words were lies. He took her phone and just began to browse through it. Suddenly he flared up.

"You still went to text this girl ba? I told you that she is my friend's girlfriend. You don't trust me at all oh. You don't trust me." As he spoke he veered off in anger and began ranting about other things too.

Frances suddenly felt the weight of it all, this thing she called a relationship.

As Tee continued talking behind her, all she could think to do was to sit down on the floor in tears to God.

"God tonight... tell me tonight... I don't want to be confused anymore. Do you want me to leave this relationship? You must tell me this night. Tell me."

As Tee continued to rant behind her, her heart cried out to God.

"Is this the life you have for me? Oh please tell me this night.

Should I stay or should I go?"

As she wept with catarrh running down her nose, she suddenly felt as though an arm was wrapped around her in full embrace.

She stopped her tears for a moment and asked, "Who is it?"

It was still there. An invisible embrace and along with it she felt peace.

Peace to get up and leave.

As she left, she felt so strongly that tonight will mark a new beginning, that it will be the first night of the rest of her life.

## Chapter 8

Eniola made an effort to push herself up on the hospital bed as Nifemi came in. She had been at the hospital for two weeks. Her health had taken an unexpected turn for the worse and her anus muscles suddenly wouldn't function properly.

What the doctor said would be just a case of supervision had turned into a case of two surgeries and emergency calls for help. Each time they had made an attempt to fix her anus muscles, the reports came in worse than the last time.

She hadn't gone to the toilet by herself in those two weeks. She had a line and bag attached to her anus. It was painful, shameful and degrading.

But the puzzling part was this Nifemi. The guy had been by her side for the past two weeks only stepping out to go to work and Church.

She looked at him as he walked around the room right now, arranging her cabinet with provisions and checking her charts for the time for her next drugs and injections.

It was confusing. No one wanted anything to do with her. She had retrieved her sim for more than a week now and no one had called her. Not even the guys she contracted to write her assignments and exams for her. She knew that she had only contractual relationships and that was okay for her. She knew where to place everyone in her life. She knew which ones were for sex and which ones were for her other needs. But this guy, she didn't know where to place him.

He had never once touched her; never once asked her for a refund of his money. He had been spending on the drugs, food and surgeries for the past two weeks.

Did he do something else for a living other than working at the hotel?

How could a hotel job pay bills like these? He had not so much as even allowed her see the bills.

She couldn't hold it in anymore any longer; she was forced to speak, "Why are you doing this?"

Nifemi turned back to look at her, "Doing what?"

She raised her hand and swept it over herself and the hospital room, "This! Taking care of me. Paying my bills. Even praying for me..."

Her voice broke in frustration. He had even prayed for her. No one had ever found her worth praying for before. Even her hostel mates at school all knew and called her "ashewo" and rightfully so. She wasn't ashamed of who she was and what she did; she just hated the fact that she hadn't been able to place Nifemi in a box.

"So? Why are you doing this?"

Nifemi paused for a bit, as he contemplated on what to tell her.

Was it time yet, Lord?

He got a go-ahead.

"For love, Eniola. I do this for love."

Eniola's heart skipped a bit, "What is love?"

"God is love. What is love to you?"

"Love is sex and sex is love. The two cannot be separated from the other."

"So what would you call this?"

"What you are doing here for me? That's kindness. If you say you love me, then that means that you will definitely want sex from me in the nearest future. You are just waiting for me to get well. The two cannot be separated from each other."

Nifemi waited, asking God to give him the words. He walked down to her bedside, sat by her and held her hands, "Eniola, I won't deny that you are a beautiful woman or that I am not attracted to you but I don't want anything like sex from you."

He thought about it for a moment, he didn't want to lie, he was a man and he had seen her body so many times in her state in the hospital. He won't say that his body had never responded to her but wanting her for sex had never been his reason for doing what he did.

"You know I am a Christian?" She nodded.

"So in Luke Chapter 10, Jesus talks about a Samaritan man who showed mercy to a Jew. The Jew had been robbed and left for dead by the roadside but this Samaritan man went, took the man to hospital, and paid his bills. You know the funny thing?"

He paused as he smiled at her, "Samaritans were not supposed to have anything to do with Jews. They were people on opposite sides of the divide who never wanted anything to do with one another. But this man threw all boundary and propriety aside and took care of this man who was beaten and left for dead. Jesus called it showing mercy and He said that we as Christians should do the same too."

Eniola thought of the mercy that she had indeed been shown by her course-mates and school people. What about Sam and the four senior boys? What about Adebayo Clarkson and his friend?

Everyone she had ever met in her life had beaten her and left her to die by the roadside. Why was this man Nifemi doing things differently from the rest?

She was someone whose life simply attracted cruelty from others. She was used to that but this new mercy deal, she didn't understand and didn't know if she was open to it.

She eyed Nifemi suspiciously, "Then what about this love business?" Lord how do you explain love to someone?

"Tell her your story."

"Love was and is God's gift to you and me. Evidenced by the man Jesus."

"I even wanted to ask you about that part. Is Jesus man or is Jesus God?"

"Both. But let's not start from there. Let's start from love. I will love to tell you my story".

"I grew up in Lagos as a hustler from birth."

"You know in Lagos if you aren't born into a wealthy family then you must learn to do something pretty quick because man must wack. So I learnt to do my thing by running errands for my neighbours in Ajegunle. I would buy small things for my neighbours and they would give me small change. It wasn't much but it was enough to buy snacks and some things to eat.

When I was about 6, a new neighbour moved into our compound and this new neighbour liked me. He used to play hide and seek with me and tell me stories. He was a former soldier so he had lots of stories to tell. I was his paddy in the compound and I trusted him.

But one day, I went to visit and his tone and demeanour changed towards me."

Nifemi went down memory lane to that day.

"Oga Martins, it's me oh."

Oga Martins had smiled and welcomed him as usual but then asked a very strange request.

"Nifemi, come and join me on the bed."

He usually only joined him on the bed to watch movies but today there was no light. He went anyway. He figured, "Maybe oga Martins wants to give me kuli-kuli."

But as soon as he got to the bed, Oga Martins held him down and started to kiss him. He had spat on his hand, rubbed it on his anus and proceeded to introduce him to the most excruciating pain he had ever felt up until that point in time.

"I fainted and later woke up in my own bed at home. Oga Martins had told my mother that I wasn't feeling too well and he had asked me to sleep. He didn't penetrate me fully that day but every day after that, he would call me into his room and continue his experiment with my body. I was 6 when it began and 10 when it ended. By that time I had learned to play the game right and get money in return. When he was treated right, he was very generous and I saw it as a way to earn money for myself. Kids in Ajegunle were very street smart and I was no exception. I didn't think that anything was wrong with it. I was just making a living as others were."

His story had never failed to cause a bit of a sorry feeling in him whenever he shared. Nifemi hung his head as he continued the next part.

"By 15, I was a professional gay lover. I would hire myself out to guys who were looking for gay lovers. I had a very strange and accurate way of knowing who they were. It was like something in me recognized something in them. I did my work and did it perfectly well till I was 20. Then my heart began to wonder about this path I was on. I hid nothing and did it openly. It was my lifestyle and I was proud of it. I had money and I had cars. I had rich men as lovers and poor men who couldn't afford much just to amuse me. And then I fell sick.

No one could understand what was wrong with me. I was in the hospital for nearly a month. I thought I would die so I asked a nurse to call a pastor for me.

When he came, I told him my story and told him that I was now ready to die. It was he who told me that God never wastes a life neither does He waste an experience. He prayed for me and though I thought my time was up, I was healed within one week.

I gave the monies I had made from my lovers to charities and started afresh.

I work in hotels because they have always given me an opportunity to meet people who are like I was; broken and in sin."

The words "just like you, Eniola" hung in the air but no one said it.

"Eniola, God loves you. I wasn't supposed to be on duty the day I found you but God had led me to come to work that day. It was an urge that didn't leave. I had to even switch shifts with a colleague I called that morning. "

"What is love Eniola? God is love."

"Love is what accepted me, a former gay man, into His family and gave me right standing with Him. Love insisted that He has washed me clean of my sins and He wanted me to accept that I was forgiven, cleansed and redeemed. Love is the One who brought you here."

"But Nifemi, I really want to know. If this love is really like this, where was He when Sam and the four senior boys raped me? How was love able to stand by while I was in agony and He did nothing?" Nifemi's heart burned at her question.

"You asked me who Jesus was before, right?"

"So... God is One but God is also one with three personalities. He is the triune God referred to as the Trinity."

"There is God the Father, God the Son- Jesus, and God the Holy Spirit. These three are One but also of very distinct personalities.

It's a mystery that no human mind can ever wrap its head around. "

"God the Son, Jesus, was sent to earth to die for our sins. Adam had sold his authority to the devil by disobeying God and through that disobedience sin and death had come to man. The enemy, Satan, had the keys of victory over man and nothing could wash off that stain of sin."

Now, one thing you must know about God is that He is a loving God but He is also a just God. Satan himself knew that God would not just randomly take back his authority from him, Adam lost it as a man on the earth and so Satan would argue that if he has to regain it, he should regain it as a man on the earth too. No man could win this battle against Satan to get back the lost crown and glory, so God sent Jesus as a man to the earth."

"Now watch this and follow carefully; God also knew that if Jesus was born on earth through a man's semen and Adam's line, that man would also be tainted with sin so He made sure He was born through a miraculous conception by the Holy Ghost."

"Now this is where I am going to: The plan was that Jesus had to die for the whole world to be saved. Only through His death could He go down to hell, taking on the sins of many so He could save them."

"The sin and death had come through one guilty man and so with one innocent man taking the sins of many upon Himself, life could come to those upon the earth".

"Now God loved Jesus. He loved Him dearly but there was a greater good His death had to work out."

"So, He stood aside as men beat Jesus and wounded Him. He stood aside and turned off His power to destroy those men. He watched as His son cried in pain and did nothing about it because He knew that after the death comes life."

"Eniola, Satan always fights the seed in a person's life and he tries as much as possible to damage them when they are young so that they are rendered incapable for anything else that is good. He tries to kill their great destinies as kids so they can never be made vessels of greatness by God in their later years."

"It is not God who does this, it is Satan. Human beings have a will and can be used as vessels for evil purposes just as they can be used for good. Sam and the four senior boys yielded themselves as vessels for evil. But God can never force a man's will to bend to His. He allows for man to yield and submit willingly. He may have been tugging on those men to stop but they never heeded."

"What I can tell you for sure is that just like He did with the men that killed Jesus, those men thought God was standing aside to allow them to do whatever they wanted, but there was a better plan".

"The enemy, Satan, may have thought that he destroyed your life but God has a better plan. Love has a better plan."

"He sent Jesus to die for you. He did. And if He did not withhold even if His son from you, what do you think He would withhold from you?"

As he spoke to her, Eniola felt a stirring in her heart but she didn't know if she could yield to it. The tears she had never shed started to come in torrents.

"...but Nifemi, I don't know if I can trust Him. Can I trust Him with my life? Can I trust Him with my security?"

"And if His kind of love isn't sex, what is His kind of love?"

Nifemi heard, "Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall tribulation, or distress, or persecution, or famine, or nakedness, or peril, or sword? For I am persuaded that neither death nor life, nor angels nor principalities nor powers, nor things present nor things to come, nor height nor depth, nor any other created thing, shall be able to separate us from the love of God which is in Christ Jesus our Lord."

As soon as he heard that, life and light poured into his soul.

"Eniola, His love is one that never leaves you. His Love is one that sticks with you through pain, fears and hurts. His Love is one that refuses to give up on you. He calls you His and no matter what you call yourself, He wants you back."

"But what would He want from me?"

"He wants what He has created you to be from the beginning of time. He is your Father. What Father doesn't want His children back to Himself? What Father doesn't want His children to become who He created them to be from the beginning of time?"

"He has a preordained destiny He wants you to live and He wants to give that to you. Not even sin or anything else that may have happened in the past can stop that. He offers you a new life. A fresh start. If you would take it right now, that's what He offers you. He uses even abuse stories to work out great futures, yours inclusive."

Eniola found herself crying in response to Nifemi.

"What's wrong with me? It must be the effect of staying in this hospital for weeks."

Nifemi smiled. He knew it was the Holy Spirit but He said nothing.

"He never leaves Eniola. He never leaves. Nothing can ever separate Him from you except you."

"What say you, dear?"

"What do you say to his offer?"

Nifemi looked calm on the outside but his heart was racing and He found Himself praying like crazy. Oh Lord. Oh Lord let today be her day. Let today be her day.

And then he heard, "I will think about it, Nifemi."

His heart fell but he managed to smile at her.

"I will be back in the evening; I am on mid-morning shift today.

See you dear. Remember He never leaves."

The one question that was burning in Eniola's heart, one she was afraid to ask was: What would happen to all the sins I have committed in the past?

Do those just get wiped away?

What about the pain and hurts from Sam? How do I become a new person just because God loves me?

***

As Nifemi got to the office, he felt so much like Eniola's salvation was at hand but then still so far.

He knew that God has asked him to love her when he found her in the hotel room and he had been praying for her ceaselessly since then. Still it had taken her two weeks to have a conversation with him.

How long will it take her after this first time?

He had such a burden of love for her and a desire to see her come to Christ; he was almost consumed with the weight of it all.

He went to the restroom and knelt on the floor to pray out the burden.

As soon as he began to pray, he suddenly began to feel this deep pain in the Father's heart for her. She had been hurt so bad.

He started to cry out in prayer, "Lord have mercy. Lord have mercy.

Healing Lord. Healing Lord. Healing Lord. Oh there is so much pain. So much pain. Healing Lord. Healing Lord."

He groaned and prayed in the Spirit for an hour and just as he was about to give up, something broke in the Spirit and He started to laugh. He knew! No matter what happened from here on out, He had gotten the victory.

He went out of the restroom rejoicing.

***

The man was an elderly man. He looked to be in his late fifties or so. He came into the room and began to stroke her hair. As he did so, she felt such peace like she had never felt before.

He just stayed there and stroked her hair and with this came tears of release from deep within her and just like that, he was gone.

Was it a dream or was it an out of body experience?

Nifemi walked in just as the experience ended and saw her crying.

"What's happening, Eniola?"

She couldn't get her mouth to work for a minute.

"I... I am not sure. Since we had the conversation, I have been having all sort of weird experiences. You said He loves me?"

Nifemi nodded, "Yes He does."

"I don't know if these are dreams or not, but I just saw a man; an elderly man stroking my hair just as a father would do... I have never had a father."

She covered her mouth for a bit with trembling fingers, unable to say more.

"Could that be God saying to me that He is my Father?"

Nifemi shouted a "thank you Jesus!" in his heart and answered her calmly; "it's not unusual for God to speak to His people through dreams and visions. As a matter of fact, in these times we live in, we are going to see an increase of dreams and visions."

"But that's the thing Nifemi, I am not His daughter."

"No, you are His lost one who He wants back and He has done everything to call you back to Him and will do everything to get you to turn aside to listen to Him."

"But Nifemi, I am confused about one aspect. After I accept His love like you said? What happens to me? What happens to all the bad things I did before? What about what Sam and the senior boys did to me? How do I move forward from that? Or do they all come with me into this next stage with God?"

"Uhm, if you don't mind my asking; how did you reconcile your gay past with your new life?"

"When I became born again, I wasn't addicted to the gay lifestyle as such because it wasn't something I loved. It was never something I loved. I did it because of money. What I did struggle with was the lust and love for money because every time that came on, I would be tempted to go back to my old lovers.

One thing God did for me was to make me announce my born again status everywhere I went, both on social media and off social media. So, I had nowhere to hide. I also texted all the guys, letting them know my new status. But those were things I did on the outside. The inside was more important and the inside had to be dealt with in understanding - an understanding of what really happened when I came to Christ."

"I had to memorize one scripture at the time. It says "For everyone in Christ is a new creature, old things have passed away, behold all things have become new."

When the guilt and condemnation about my past threatened to eat me up, I had to hold onto that scripture as my truth. It was a long battle for me but that was the truth. I wasn't that person anymore. To answer your questions in one sentence, Christ wipes us clean of the past when we accept Him and heals our hearts with His healing balm also."

"Wait Nifemi, is this really true or you are just exaggerating to get me to make a decision?"

"Is healing also available?"

"I am telling you, it is. I am at the point where I have forgiven Oga

Martins. It didn't happen overnight but after a while I realized that God could help me heal and forgive this man and so I took my emotional issues to God."

"Most people think that God is this big great God who isn't concerned about our lives but that couldn't be farther from the truth."

"God isn't just this person who sits up there ready to punish us; He cares about us and cares about our lives. I began to realise that the Father's heart towards me is tender and that when I hurt, it hurts

Him too. I realized that I could take the pain of the abuse to Him instead of against Him and that He could peel off layers of what happened to me years ago and place His healing balm upon them."

Eniola nodded, "So God is not the enemy?"

"No, He is not Eniola. He is the restorer. Satan is the enemy. Satan who uses these vessels to try to destroy our lives is the enemy. God wants us to have healthy, wholesome lives. And guess what? I found this scripture that says that Jesus came to heal the broken-hearted; which means that He knows that there are many things that break us in our lives. And these things are not just physical. Take for example, I was on a hospital bed being treated for an illness and no one knew I had the brokenness of being abused at 6. But God knows. Jesus knows and He wants to heal you."

Eniola just nodded in response to all he had said.

And in response to his deflated hopes, Nifemi heard, Sow the seeds, the Lord shall cause them to grow.

And for today, he had done enough.

***

Gloria had been having such an amazing time with God since she became born again. She couldn't believe that it was the same boring

Bible she had always despised. These days she couldn't help saying

"Wow! Wow!" Every time she opened the word, it was an overflow.

She had started from the book of Luke since that was where she found the sinful woman's story that brought her to Christ and now she couldn't get enough.

She also joined the drama and sisters unit in Church and for the first time in her life she could relate with others. Her only problem was the masturbation issue. Even the man showing up in her dreams had reduced. She noticed that anytime she read the word and prayed, he stayed away. He only came when she was so tired or depressed. The depression was another issue. Sometimes she just seemed to have this oppressive weight of darkness around her and in those times, she would sink into her former moodiness with thoughts of daddy and what he had done to her. It didn't happen so frequently anymore but still she looked forward to the time when she would have a totally free life in God.

Today though, she was happy. So happy. God had told her to speak to another sister in Church about the masturbation issue and she was so desperate for help she was ready to damn the shame and go. Since she came to Christ through the sinful woman's story, God had shown her that those who look for help will find help and seeking for help was better than dying in silence.

She was headed for the cafeteria at the Church. She and the sister had promised to meet to talk. She didn't know why God had led her to this sister because she also had not been a member at the Church for so long but somehow, every time she saw this lady, something in her drew her. She made a mental note to ask her about her salvation story. She had learned that sometimes the depth of someone's encounter with God had something to do with how they dove deep into God and sister Lyna dove deep indeed!

She had watched her for a while; the sister lived for nothing but God. She wanted to know why and also get to know some of her tips for living a life of purity.

When she stepped into the cafeteria, sister Lyna was already seated at a table with a coke bottle open in front of her.

"Good afternoon sister Lyna."

"No dear, just call me Lyna."

Lyna smiled to ease the effect of her words. She still wasn't familiar with the sister deal and found it hard to believe that anyone would call her by that title. She was just Lyna, saved and thankful.

Gloria ordered a coke and meat-pie and settled down on the seat opposite Lyna. She wondered how to begin the conversation.

"Uhm, sis Lyna...sorry, Lyna. Let me start by introducing myself so you know a little bit about me. My name is Gloria. I have been attending our church for a while but I only recently gave my life to Christ and I have been having the time of my life. Recently, I believe that the Holy Spirit has been telling me to talk to you and share something with you.

I have some struggles."

Lyna smiled, "Okay Gloria. I am listening. I will help as God gives me grace to do."

There was no way to say it but to just say it, "Okay, so the issue is that I came into Christ with issues; masturbation and porn. It has reduced but it's still there. I don't know how to stop it totally. It used to be such an irrational urge before, like, if I don't masturbate I can't do anything else but now it has reduced. I am grateful to God but I want it gone totally. Can you help me?"

Lyna prayed in her heart. She wondered why God would send her someone to help when she was also so young in Christ. She felt the Holy Spirit asking her to ask Gloria when it all started.

"When did the masturbation and pornography begin?"

Gloria hung her head wondering whether or not she should tell her.

She finally decided to lay it all bare.

"I was sexually abused by my dad when I was about 13. It lasted for 10 years till he died."

Lyna's heart stopped. So this was it then. God brought two women with similar stories together.

Why?

Tell her yours...

"There is no need to be ashamed Gloria. I was abused by my uncles when I was about 12. It lasted till I came to University. I didn't masturbate but it translated into me wanting to have girls as lovers."

God brought me to Christ with one encounter that starved the need for girls and I have been serving Him ever since.

It has not been long, yet God has been my succour.

"I found something in the book of James when I was reading it last week. Let me look for it." She brought out her Bible.

"Yes, James chapter 5. It says:

"Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous person is powerful and effective."

"I think God wants to heal us. This is the first time I am ever saying that abuse part out loud and the second time on the lesbianism part. I have been so ashamed."

"And that's the thing." Gloria spoke up.

"No one wants to talk about these things in the Church. Is there no one who has shared a similar story that we can relate with? I never heard any testimony of someone sharing the details of a life changed from sin, even when I was going to Church when I wasn't born again. I have felt so alone. I am so thankful to God for this time. Merely saying it out alone is freeing."

Lyna bowed her head in thanksgiving to God. Her encounter with God had shown her that He is able to start afresh with anyone. Still, her heart was sometimes under so much shame. Her heart now twirled to this divine weapon the Lord had given to them.

Pray for one another so that you may be healed, He had said.

"Let us pray Gloria."

As they prayed together, tears flowed freely from their eyes.

Cleansing tears. Tears washing away the shame and secrecy.

Tears of gratitude to God. Tears of His goodness. Tears of thanksgiving.

By the time they were done, they both knew, it was a day of new beginnings for the both of them.

HEALING AND RESTORATION

## Chapter 9

It had been some months since Frances gave her life to Christ. It had not been easy neither was it a walk in the park, but it was so worth it.

For one thing, Tee who had never begged her during the entirety of their relationship came back to beg her when he saw that she wasn't coming back. It had been so hard but she had said no and cut a covenant with God. She still remembered what she had said to God, so much so that it seemed like just yesterday.

"Lord, I am leaving this relationship for you, and I trust you to give me something better than this. I entrust my marital destiny into your hands."

She had remained single but had still had some romance-skirmishes with guys. She had slept with one and allowed another one to smooch her. But after a while she just got tired of falling into sin. She would sit in the toilet and cry after sex. She found out that the new Spirit in her just wasn't okay with sin and after one of those episodes; the Holy Spirit had mercy on her and gave her wisdom to know the way out.

He had said, "Stop visiting them in their houses" and that was exactly what she did. The truth was that, she went there with good intentions and then ended up in bed with the guy. After a while she had just sworn relationships off. She had gone to God and made another covenant with Him, "I won't enter into another relationship until you give me the go-ahead to do so. I will remain single till you bring my husband and the next relationship I enter into would be one with my husband."

She had just been tired of the up and down lifestyle. She had become born again so she wanted to know what this life was really about. And Jesus.... That aspect still blew her mind. At first she hadn't been able to believe that God would love her despite her past but after her encounter with God that last night of quarrelling with Tee, she had just suddenly known that God would have her and accept her and it made her so grateful to Him.... it still did.

She couldn't fathom why a God - a Holy God would want something to do with a girl like her, but He did. She had heard Him say it too. And that was another new thing she was grateful for; she could hear God speak to her. The first time it happened, she had been so blown away.

She had been walking in school and suddenly heard someone speaking. The voice had sounded like it was coming from inside her. Like a conversation with herself. It felt like they were her own thoughts but they weren't her thoughts because they were not things that she could think up on her own. This life with God was really an amazing something!

But there was something hidden in her heart she had never been able to reconcile; the abortions. The thoughts of the babies she had killed would come up at the oddest of times. She could be laughing and then suddenly think of it and be overcome by an emotional darkness that would last for a long time. She didn't know what to do or how to have that conversation with God. Was it something that He would be willing to listen to?

She didn't know who to tell or what to do. Some nights were harder than the last with the burden of guilt and condemnation so strong she could feel it like a weight on her and she was so ashamed, so ashamed.

"Oh Lord..."

And that was the problem; anytime she tried to open up the conversation with Him, she couldn't continue beyond "oh Lord..."

It would seem like her ability to talk to God about it was suspended. She had tried to write about it too. That was one thing that came alive after her salvation; her writing gift suddenly started to bloom. She used to write in secondary school but she had not written a thing since she started the journey with boys and sexual sin. But all of sudden, after accepting Christ, her gifts had started to blossom.

She tried to write about the abortions to tell God what she was feeling but anytime that topic came up, she couldn't bear to come up to God with it.

It was blood she shed. Blood. She killed innocent babies because of her own selfishness and carelessness. No one had to tell her it was a sin, no one knew or condemned her but her conscience did.

Today was a good day though. She was going to put thoughts of abortions aside. There was a singles seminar on marriage at Church today and she was so attending it!

Another area that she realized she lacked knowledge was on the area of love, relationships and marriage. She had grown up in a broken home and her background was a very poor example to build upon and she had been building upon it for years with guys like Tee who were also messed up. Tee had had no father figure in his life, the one before him thought sex was love and wanted it enough to threaten to beat a girl to have it. The other one she had slept with after being born again had never really had a godly family life. She had tried things her own way and now knew that if she wanted to succeed in her marriage and home, only God's way would work.

As she dressed up, thoughts kept swirling through her mind. "Lord what would I do when the husband comes? Do I have to tell him about the abortions? Would he accept me? Would any man ever marry a woman who has had abortions before? Would it affect the way he sees me and measures me as a woman?

Oh I am damaged goods..."

As her thoughts swirled, she tried to tame them but it wasn't working. This was the way it was anytime the abortions came up.

She didn't know what to do.

"Oh Lord help me..."

She sat down on her bed for a minute, tempted to just stay in and lie down under the weight of the pain but something said she should still go for the meeting at Church. She needed it.

***

The programme had already begun when Frances walked into Church. The pastor was talking about using the single years for the glory of God.

"You see, you would never have your single years back again, especially if you want to marry God's way with divorce not being an option. This is why you need to marry right and ensure that some things are settled before you step into marriage."

The girl seated beside Frances had her head bobbing up and down vigorously. Frances agreed too. She didn't want a broken home like that of her parents. She had tasted of that and wanted nothing of that sort of heartbreak. That was why she was here.

The speaker continued:

"One of the first things you need to get right in single-hood is your purpose."

"Do you know that God had a purpose in mind when He created you? Do you know that He had a specific place and niche He wanted you to fill?"

"He created you with your unique talents and gifts to fill up those places. Lives are waiting for you to dispense what God has put on the inside of you and a desire for marriage does not excuse putting your purpose on the back burner."

"Marriage is not an excuse to not live life fully, rather, God made marriage so two persons can come together in greater power to fulfil God's plan for their lives, better than they would have if they were single."

"So you must know who you are before wanting to know who another person is."

"What are you called to do? What did God create you for? What niche are you meant to fill? Whose lives are you meant to pour into? Marriage is not an excuse to not do what you are called to do, rather it's a weapon and greater force afforded you to be able to be all God has called you to be."

Frances felt like he was speaking to her directly. She had also realized that she was made for more. That was one of the reasons she had made the decision to stay away from relationships till God said yes. She had suddenly started to get an inkling that she wasn't ordinary, that she was made for much more. Her time with Tee had eroded her of all self-esteem but God was beginning to open her eyes to see all He had created her to be. She fixed her eyes on the preacher again.

"The second thing you need to do in single-hood is to forgive."

As soon as he said that Frances was tugged on by the Holy Spirit. Yes she had left Tee but when she thought about their relationship sometimes, she felt a burning sensation of hatred in her heart. That guy had used her. He had used her brain and her naive mind to his advantage. He had used her money to even go to visit other girlfriends. She had cooked for him and had abortions for him. He had eroded her self-esteem with his vile barbs centred on her family background.

"Oh Lord, what did he not do?"

And He spoke back, "You have to forgive him, Frances. Forgive him; he didn't know what he was doing. He is as broken as you are and hasn't received healing yet. And hurt people hurt people. You hurt one another."

As she struggled with his words He continued, "You placed a curse on him, Frances. You have to break that curse and forgive him. How do you expect me to bless you when you hold another in a tangle of curses?"

Frances remembered that day clearly. Tee had come to visit her at her house and as usual they had gotten into a fight. He had again cursed her with her mother and it was so painful. She had sat down at the back of her house to hide so no one would see her tears and in her pain at all Tee was doing to her, she had laid a curse on him that he would never be well-to-do in his life and someone would cause him as much as pain as he had brought to her.

She heard Him say gently, "You hurt him too."

All of a sudden she remembered her harsh words to Tee; she had also had a bad temper. She could see herself as a girlfriend and there were a lot of things she had done wrong.

Even as Christ forgave you, so you also must do...

"Frances I forgave you, I accepted you as you are. Couldn't you show mercy to another for my sake too?"

"I want to but I am struggling Lord."

"Just say it out first of all."

She closed her eyes feeling the pain of the one year with Tee. Like a rushing tap that had been let loose, memories kept rushing in.

"I..."

She tried again.

"I forgive you, Tee."

She waited for a bit to know what she was feeling. She actually felt light enough to say it again so she did.

"I forgive you Tee and I let you go. I forgive you Tee and I let you go. I forgive you Tee and I let you go." She truly smiled from within.

"Thank you Jesus!"

She tried to focus her attention back on the pastor. She had lost track of what he was saying in the midst of her thoughts.

She froze. What was that the man was saying? She strained to ensure she was hearing right.

"Some of you committed abortions in the past and you have been under so much guilt and condemnation.

You love the Lord but carry a weight on your shoulders. The Lord wants to set you free."

Frances started shaking right where she was seated.

"Lord, could I bear to open this can of worms with you today?" As if in response to her heart, the pastor replied, "There is a reason why God brought you here today. He wants to set you free.

I will not call for an altar call but right where you are begin to talk to God and ask for mercy."

Frances just stood at first with tears running down her eyes. She didn't know what to say but she felt the pain and guilt deeper than she had ever felt it before.

"Oh God. Have mercy on me. I didn't know what I was doing." The pastor's voice resounded from the podium.

"Let this be a time between you and God. Talk to Him about the abortions. There is power in sincere heart to heart confessions with God. Even though He sees and knows everything. He wants to heal you."

"Oh", Frances cried, "Lord have mercy on me. Forgive me.

Forgive me. Forgive me."

She cried out till she felt a rest and heard in her spirit, "If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness."

Did that mean that she was forgiven? Could she dare to believe that?

The pastor was still speaking, "Now pray and ask God to take those babies from the hands of Satan back into heaven. Satan sheds blood to steal souls. Ask for the soul of your baby to be taken back to the hands of the Lord."

Frances didn't understand the prayer point but she prayed it with all her heart.

"Today can be the day of your freedom from guilt. Ask God for healing. Ask Him to heal your heart. Ask the Holy Spirit to wash your heart off of guilt and condemnation with the living water of God."

Frances knelt as she cried out, "Father I don't want to carry this guilt any longer. Please heal me of the pain, shame and guilt! Take away the pain. Oh Lord, I know I have blood on my hands but cleanse me of this terrible pain and weight! I don't want to carry it any longer. Take it away!"

She lay on the floor, spent and limp from crying and praying and in the stillness and quiet of her heart and soul, she heard,

REDEEMED BY THE BLOOD.

REDEEMED BY THE BLOOD.

I REDEEMED YOU BY MY BLOOD!

And from the inside of her she felt a strong nudge. It was so strong. It kept saying,

"Plead the blood! Plead the blood!"

It almost sounded like a chant that wouldn't end.

She heard herself saying "I plead the blood! I plead the blood! I enter a plea for the blood!"

And suddenly the pounding in her head and heart stopped. The pain dulled. The weight lifted.

By one man's sin all died. Even by one man's blood, all are redeemed before the throne!

You stand blameless before the throne.

You stand blameless before the throne.

Frances rise! You stand blameless before the throne.

She stood up with her hands lifted up, tears of joy and freedom running down her cheeks. She felt like even the angels were rejoicing with her.

My dear daughter, you stand blameless before the throne. In exchange for the blood on your hands I gave the blood on my hands.

My blood is stronger!

My blood is accepted in the courts of heaven, on the earth and under the earth.

You killed babies in your past life, I was killed for all babies you killed and all sins you committed.

It is my blood that redeems.

It is my blood that restores.

It is my blood by which you stand blameless before the throne.

Blameless before the throne.

Frances twirled before God to a music that only she and He could hear.

She couldn't stop repeating "I stand blameless before the throne.

I stand blameless before the throne.

Redeemed by the blood of the lamb.

Thank you Jesus.

Thank you Jesus.

Oh thank you Jesus"

She knew like she knew her name. Today was the last day she would ever weep over blood on her hands.

His blood was stronger.

Yes. His blood was stronger.

To crown it all, the Holy Spirit gave her a word to crown it all.

How awesome was He to help her know it wasn't just her head.

She picked her phone to check where it was and she saw in Colossians 1:22

"Yet now he has reconciled you to himself through the death of Christ in his physical body. As a result, he has brought you into his own presence, and you are holy and blameless as you stand before him without a single fault." She didn't know if to cry or laugh.

"What do I give to you in return, Lord?

What?"

Therefore by Him let us continually offer the sacrifice of praise to God, that is, the fruit of our lips, giving thanks to

His name.

"Oh Lord, thank you.

Thank you Jesus!

Thank you!

Thank you!

It's a new day!

It's a new day!

It's a new day!"

***

Lyna and Gloria had been having Bible studies together since they first met. They had become accountability partners for each other and helped each other stay on track.

It had not been easy but the Holy Spirit had been their helper any day and at all times. Gloria was so grateful for the gift of Lyna. She could safely call Lyna her best friend gifted to her by the Lord. Where before she could not tell anyone her struggles, now she had someone she could talk to who won't judge or condemn her but help her in line with the word.

Lyna had grown in leaps and bounds also. They were both considering starting a class for the young teenage girls in school but they had not gotten the plan for it yet. School was almost shutting down for the holidays. Gloria had just finished her last paper but she didn't feel like going home. She still didn't like spending a lot of time there and her mom didn't know her story yet too. How could she tell her that her husband had been assaulting their daughter under the same roof in which they lived?

She and Lyna had come to a point where they had forgiven their parents and even their abusers, but they had not told their moms or other persons who should know yet.

She remembered how difficult it was when God had said to forgive her dad. She had struggled so much. She sincerely felt like her dad was evil. Why was it that a man started sleeping with her in her dreams after he had sex with her?

He had messed up her life and then died. She used to wish he would burn in hell and then she and Lyna had encountered Joyce Meyer's story. Joyce Meyer's dad used to take her to the cemetery to rape her. The woman's story totally transformed her life.

First, she knew that she wasn't alone. The world was messed up. Girls were being messed up in young age and hate won't do the job, finding a way to help them would. God had told her that her pain could be channelled into helping other young girls like her.

Instead of dying with hate for her dad, she could use her hatred for abuse to help a young girl who had no one to turn to.

God had specifically spoken to her with Joyce Meyer to show her how He could take her pain and hurt and make it into something good.

He had said to her with the Romans scripture that, all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are the called according to His purpose.

God showed her that the enemy had intended to mess up her life but He had a purpose He could still work out with her story.

She remembered the day she and Lyna had decided to forgive their abusers. They had done it together to make it easier. Again, as she thought about it, she was overwhelmed with gratitude at the fact that God gifted her Lyna as a friend, two girls with similar stories and journeys to walk the path in Him together. It had made things easier.

They had both written letters about their abusers and hurt to God and exchanged them. Then they had spoken for a long time about the effect of the abuse in their lives. They really just had a no holds barred conversation on the destructive road they had followed because of the abuse. They hid nothing and saved nothing for later.

They were both determined to leave the past behind that day.

They said it out loud that they forgave their abuser.

Saying "I forgive you daddy" had been so hard for Gloria. Even calling him daddy had been a pain. But God had shown her that He was her Father before anyone. And she could call Him daddy without pain because He is the perfect Father. All other fathers had flaws and weaknesses and some do not live up to the fatherly role He had given them, but she could depend on Him.

Another thing she was thankful for since she forgave her daddy was the ability to see God clearly as her Father. She had known that He had forgiven her and accepted her just like the sinful woman in Luke Chapter 7 but because of her earthly father she had a blocked channel to seeing God as Father. She had just been unable to see Him that way. Letting her earthly father go and reconciling his flaws with him being a man had set her free to see her Father's heart towards her and His heart was one of love.

She And Lyna had sealed the day with prayer and trusted God to take their broken pieces and make something beautiful out of it again.

Her phone rang.

It was Lyna.

"Hi dear, how are you doing?"

"I dey oh. Done with your paper for today?"

"Since. I am just in my room relaxing."

"Okay. Are you coming for the end of session celebration at church tonight?"

"No jare. I just want to watch a movie and sleep."

"Uhm okay. What type of movie?"

She recognized the warning in Lyna's voice. She knew about how erotic movies set off the masturbation.

"No oh. Just a comedy movie."

"Ok Gloria dear. I have to run. We will see for our last study tomorrow before we go home shey?"

"Yeah"

"Okay then. See ya!"

Gloria lay back down. She was bored. She saw her Bible in front of her with her laptop by the side. She had collected a movie from her roommate to relax after exams.

Her heart went to her Bible as she truly enjoyed Bible study. That was how God brought her to Him and He had not stopped shedding light on the scriptures but she wanted to rest.

She chose the laptop. Movies were still a struggle for her as porn videos had been such a stronghold for her for years but she was learning to choose the movies she watched. This one should be clean.

As soon as she started watching it, she got a warning in her spirit but the movie had been raved about by everyone. What harm could be in it?

She watched it.

It was 90 minutes of not less than 5 sex scenes. She had forwarded some of them but little snippets were all it took for her mind to take on a path of its own.

She could feel the tingling again.

"Oh God. No."

It no longer happened except it was triggered by something. The man in her dreams had stopped after she forgave her dad and shut that door but the masturbation stayed dormant till something triggered it as it was today.

She struggled with it. "Oh

Lord what should I do?" Suddenly she heard:

Walk in the Spirit and you shall not fulfil the lust of the flesh.

Where was that in the Bible?

She remembered. She had read it that morning in her study time.

She had been studying Romans and had been linked with Galatians too.

What was God saying?

Walk in the Spirit and you shall not fulfil the lust of the flesh.

She felt very much like Paul who desired to do one thing but was pulled in the direction of another. She could still think but the tingling was getting worse.

She asked, "Holy Spirit help me."

For the law of the Spirit of life in Christ Jesus has made me free from the law of sin and death.

He repeated it again:

For the law of the Spirit of life in Christ Jesus has made me free from the law of sin and death.

What are you saying Lord?

Slowly it came to her...

So, brothers and sisters, we have no obligation to live the way our corrupt nature wants us to live.

Her mind whirred with trying to piece it together. She started to mumble, "I have no obligation to live according to what my flesh dictates that I should. I am in Christ and I have been set free from being ruled by my flesh. I can live free from addictions. In fact, I am set free from addictions. What am I doing lying down under this as though it has power over me?"

Walk in the Spirit and you shall not fulfil the lust of the flesh.

Suddenly she stood up and screamed, "No! I will not obey you Satan! I have been set free. I will not yield myself to you as your slave! No! Not this girl!"

Immediately she said that she could feel the tingling stop and she felt the Holy Spirit say, "You have taken a stand. Let God be glorified."

She felt it so strongly now, just like she had felt that day she knew Jesus would accept her after she read the sinful woman's story... she knew without a shadow of doubt that she was free from the addiction to masturbation for the rest of her life!

***

Eniola was walking hand in hand with Nifemi. It had been a long year but she was so grateful for this young man God had sent her way. She didn't know why he was still sticking around but he was. She had made up her mind that she wasn't going to push him away. If he wanted to subject himself to her friendship then so be it.

That was another thing too... These days, she didn't know if they were still friends or more. He had not said anything and she wasn't saying anything either. It had taken a long journey to get here.

She had been discharged from the hospital in her third month there and by then Nifemi had succeeded in feeding her with so much Bible; she didn't stand a chance of escape. Still, it took three months after her discharge from the hospital for her to give her life to Christ.

It wasn't that she was still doing the things she used to do. As a matter of fact, by the time she got back to school and had regained strength to do things by herself, she had lost all interest in anything sex and boys. But she hadn't been able to figure out why God wanted her. Nifemi had called it love but she had thought it was stupidity and God wasn't stupid.

She still remembered the conversation that finally made her accept Him and made her surrender to Him. She had found the woman at the well's story - the Samaritan who had had five husbands.

She had been reading her Bible at the time because Nifemi had put her on a daily plan with him on the book of John. She again looked at the man who held her hands. Could he really have wanted nothing from her? She knew that now, but what about these feelings they were having, or was it just her?

She pulled her thoughts back to safe waters.

The Samaritan woman's story had her puzzled that day after she read it. The Bible had said that Jesus had found it necessary to pass through Samaria. Was that detour just for this woman? Wasn't there another route to where He was going? She didn't understand it. And to make matters worse, Jesus had started a conversation with her. He truly wanted to talk with her and have some sort of relations with her.

But why?

She was just a woman!

When she had called Nifemi to ask for a background to the story, he had said that women generally were even considered nothing in Jesus' time. For Jesus to stop to talk to one in that time was a big deal. That was why his disciples were confused.

And to add to that, she wasn't a picture perfect woman either. She was a sinful woman; one who had had five husbands. Plus one whom she wasn't married to. Meaning, she had slept with all five men and Jesus still told her that He wanted to give her living water if only she would ask.

She still remembered the question He asked her that day as it was one He still asked every day in her life.

Would you allow me give you fresh living water?

She had not been sure of what to say.

Then, He began to speak to her about His love and His Fatherly heart towards her.

Eniola, you are my beloved and I want you.

She had struggled.

But why do you want me?

Because I love you.

Why? There is nothing to love in me.

His reply had her undone.

Give me your nothing. My love would make it into something.

He had been so relentless that day, she figured if He could want a Samaritan woman who had had five husbands, He probably could want her too even though she had had more than five lovers. She had given Him a chance and He had blown her away.

She couldn't explain the revelation of God's love that He had given to her. To Him, love wasn't sex and sex wasn't love. He didn't want to take her essence from her; He wanted to give her His essence.

He didn't want to break her, He wanted to fix her and make her like Him. How could He even think of such lofty thoughts? How could He make Eniola the broken and battered girl like Him?

He had made her that promise. He had promised that if she let Him, His love would change her and He would show her what love really was.

Some days, she would lie in her room, with the Bible as her only companion wanting to know more of Him and who He was. He blew her mind. Yes, He was God but why would God wake her up in the morning with an invitation to spend time with Him? A whole God?

His love had made her have compassion for Sam and the senior boys. If God could forgive her, who was she to withhold forgiveness from them?

And it wasn't worth it when she had Nifemi.

"Oh God. Could this guy be the one?"

She had learned to hear God speak to her heart through the still small voice or His word or just through strong intuitions and feelings... She and the Holy Spirit were that tight but to her question on Nifemi He said nothing.

She had noticed her feelings for him changing from one of gratitude and brotherly love to real love for a while. Like for real. The guy would be talking about the word and she would be imagining things. She knew she couldn't toast the brother oh but she was begging God to help His girl's heart.

Nifemi was lost in thoughts too. He didn't know how he was going to broach the topic on his mind.

"Lord, won't she think that this has been on my mind all along?"

He was amazed at Eniola's growth. The crux of her walk with the Lord was based on intimacy and love. She walked with God in such a love relationship, it made him jealous and so very proud and blown away at this God.

He led Eniola to a seat at the restaurant they were at. The first thing he did when they sat down was to just stare at her.

"Nifemi what are you staring at?"

He smiled, "Nothing oh. Just you. God is amazing."

Eniola couldn't agree more. Even she was awed at herself. How could God take a woman with a broken past and make her who she was right now?

She decided to play with God a little bit, "Could I hope for more

Lord? Like Nifemi?"

She could feel Him grin and shake His head at her.

Continue your conversation with him.

"I am in awe of myself too, Nifemi. I thank the Lord for not giving up on me.

So what's up? You said you wanted to see me?"

Nifemi was scared stiff.

Oh Jesus the time has come.

Just tell her.

"Uhm yes.

"Eniola have you heard anything from God about our friendship?"

Eniola's heart started beating wildly. She stilled herself enough to answer, "No... Why?"

"Okay, Eniola don't take this the wrong way but my heart has been so drawn to you in recent times. It's not like you haven't had my heart before. I mean God has woken me up time and again to pray for you and I feel connected to you in the Lord like none other, but recently it turned to a different kind of feeling. I began to have these thoughts on..."

There was no way to say it but to say it. "...thoughts on building a home with you." He rushed on.

"You don't have to say anything. I know that you had associated love with wanting something from you but I promise you this isn't it. I didn't even want to tell you because of that very reason."

"I want to love you like Christ loves you, Eniola."

"Like, God has put this need to protect you and nourish you in my heart. I want to be a groom as Christ is to you. I want my presence in your life to wash you clean with no spot or wrinkle and make you better."

"I know that you have a calling. You had said so. I promise to help you advance further in what God has called you to do."

"And you don't have to say anything now. You can go pray about this. I just wanted to ask you first and not die in silence."

Nifemi chuckled nervously.

Eniola could feel the tears spring up in her eyes.

"Nifemi, I could never think, not in a million years, that you would want to be in a relationship with me and I am so overwhelmed." She stopped for a bit and couldn't go on.

Did the woman at the well get married again? Is it possible that someone would still want her and see any good in her?

"What do you see in me, Nifemi? Why would you want me?"

"You are who He has chosen for me, Eniola. And I simply want to love you with all the love of Christ."

His heart tore at her perception of herself.

"You are amazing, Eniola and if you are good enough for Jesus as

His bride, you are more than good enough for me."

Eniola looked at this man before her. This man with a heart of gold was asking her to marry her life with his...

Was God this good?

She couldn't trust herself to speak because if she did, she would turn their table into a pool of tears at the evidence of God's love right there before her.

She looked at Nifemi and heard the Lord say, A gift for you my beloved. A gift for you.

Eniola's heart sang.

"Oh Lord, if I live to be a thousand years, I could never explain or totally comprehend your love for me. Never. Never. But I accept it wholly with all my heart. I am grateful. So grateful. Thank you!

Thank you!"

She felt the Father's pleasure at her gratitude.

"I love you Lord."

"I love you too, Eniola. With the blood and scars on my hands. I will do it all over again for you."

Oya, give Nifemi an answer...

Eniola raised her head, looked into Nifemi's anxious face and smiled.

## Chapter 10

Lyna peeked through the back flap of the stage.

"The room is full, Gloria!"

She couldn't contain her excitement. The Lord had led her and

Gloria to organize an event tagged "Overcoming by our testimonies."

They had started teaching the young ladies a class at the Church and found out that a lot of them struggled with issues that they couldn't tell anyone about. The level of hurt from sexual abuse was at its highest, sexual addictions, guilt and shame was also a burden they carried. They were praying one day when the Lord had led them to begin the "overcoming by our testimonies" gathering. He called it

"Yeiwoman."

He had explained to them that Yei in Japanese meant "flourishing" and it also meant "yes". Yeiwoman translated in English meant the flourishing woman, the yes woman or the woman who flourishes because she said and continuously says "yes" to God.

The vision was to build a community of women where healing and growth in Christ is propagated through sharing stories.

He called them His "yes women" who were willing to do His will and women who would again bring back the power of testimonies to break the hold of the devil over the lives of many.

God had showed them that many Christians were held under the code of silence and were suffering under pain and hurt. Many women in particular were held under the trap of abuse and pain. This was her and Gloria's "yes" to help like God had led them to do.

The MC signalled to them that it was time to come up.

Lyna was so scared but she was scheduled to speak first. Her palms were sweaty but she had to say something. She silently lifted a prayer to God and began.

"I would like to welcome you all to today's programme tagged "Overcoming by our testimonies."

You may have wondered what that meant and most of you are probably here because of curiosity and that's okay. We know that God does amazing things for us by giving us cars and houses but for today we want to focus on another area of testimonies - the testimony of our lives.

As believers we have the power to be lifted up from issues we struggle with but we do not use our weapons.

The Bible says in Revelation chapter 12:11 that we overcome by the blood of the Lamb and the word of our testimonies. The testimonies there talks about testimonies from God's dealings in our lives but sadly, many are ashamed of the work of the gospel in their lives. We are scared to say that we were former alcoholics and scared to admit that we had done things in the past that we are not proud of. Even worse, we cover up our present pain in silence and never reach out to go get help.

But what if we shared our struggles?

What if we shared the testimonies of our struggles and victories?

What if we shared in relatable and humble ways, what God has done in our lives? So the other person struggling can know that they aren't alone and that God can set them free too?

That is what tonight is about - sharing our stories."

She stopped to look around the crowd. The entire audience was quiet. She shot up a silent prayer again for help, took a deep breath and continued.

"In Nigeria, the statistics of sexually abused children is alarming. Children as young as six years old are being raped and touched inappropriately by guardians, relatives, teachers and even their parents who are meant to keep them safe."

She swallowed hard as she prepared to say the next words.

"...unfortunately, that was my story too.

So when I was about 12, my two uncles began to touch me inappropriately and graduated to sleeping with me. They used me sexually till I came away to the University. To exercise some sort of power, I wanted to be able to choose who I slept with, so I started sleeping with girls. I became a lesbian. I had not just one lesbian partner but lots of lesbian partners."

Her heart cried out.

"Lord I am not sure I can do this."

For I am not ashamed of the gospel of Christ for it is power of God unto salvation first to the Jews and then to the Gentiles... Lyna, men and women would be set free tonight.

She could feel strength come on her to continue. Her voice took on a strange stronger quality. She raised her head and looked at the persons in the crowd straight on.

"I did not only sleep with multiple lesbian partners, I alternated between them and men just to prove that my sexuality was mine and I could do whatever I pleased. I thought that meant I was free but I was in bondage; I was in bondage to the pain from the sexual abuse in my past and in bondage to the effect of that abuse. I was also in bondage to unforgiveness and hurt. I carried a lot of pain and emptiness in my heart which I tried to numb with more sexual encounters with both women and men."

"I can't count the number of sexual partners I had."

"I didn't really know God, all I knew was that I didn't want to go to hell and so Satan would taunt me every day. I started to hear voices in my head day and night. At a time it felt like I was crazy... till I had an encounter with God one night...

"I had braved it to speak with a Christian sister one night and she called lesbianism a strange spirit, I know it is, but she had said that if I didn't deal with it, Jesus won't have anything with me. The only problem was that I had tried in the flesh before but it didn't work. She made it sound like I had to be good for God to accept me. I didn't tell her that I had also been abused before. I could tell no one without feeling like I would be judged. So, I suffered in silence till Jesus met me."

"He made me know that He wants me just as I am. Just as I was, I could come to Him, He would cleanse me, wash me clean and through being in Him, He would change me and mold me into Himself."

"And that has been my testimony."

"Jesus has kept His word. He forgave me. He healed me. I am no longer a lesbian. I don't even have a desire for them. The void from which the pain sprang, He has healed."

"It has been a long journey but I have even forgiven my Uncles."

She signalled to Gloria to come out and she gave her the mic.

Gloria didn't even introduce herself. The Holy Spirit was pushing her to talk so strongly, all the words came tumbling out.

"I was abused by my own father when I was 13 till I was 23 years old when he died. No one knew. Even my mom didn't know."

"I struggled with masturbation and even a man sleeping with me in my dreams. I wasn't sane. The sexual addiction to masturbation and pornography was so bad that I would lose my focus if I didn't masturbate when the urge came."

"I went to Church weekly, only because it was the only sane place for me and not because I was saved. I didn't think Jesus would want anything to do with damaged goods like me. But thank God I was wrong."

"I had gone to Church one day when the pastor talked about the sinful woman who encountered Jesus and Jesus forgave her sins. That encounter gave me light and I became born again."

"Like Lyna, my journey to healing hasn't been smooth but with God, I have grown daily."

"I cannot believe that I can even share this without pain. It used to hurt so bad but God helped me forgive my father and showed me the way to live above sexual lusts. Today I stand free from the demons of my past."

Gloria looked at Lyna. There was such a manifest presence of the Holy Spirit in the room. She wondered if she felt it. The hall had gone dead quiet.

"I would encourage you to come as you are to Jesus tonight."

"We all struggle with lots of things and we can come to God with these struggles. He takes us just as we are but also offers us a better life than what we have. He can help us. He can heal us. He can turn our lives around. That is why we share our lives with you tonight. To glorify God in our lives and to let you know that you are not alone." They could hear sobs from different parts of the room.

Lyna took the microphone from Gloria, "My name is Lyna and I am a sexual abuse survivor. Would you love to be helped by God just like He helped me too? Let's start with being sincere with Him."

"Who hurt you?"

"What pain are you carrying?"

"What addictions are you carrying on your shoulders? Let's lay them down tonight at the foot of the cross. You can come to the front for prayer with us right now."

As scores of young people trooped to the front of the room to meet with them, Lyna thought about how God could take the mess of a person's life and turn it into a message.

Sharing their stories tonight had been such a hard move for them but as she looked around at the Holy Spirit's work in the room tonight, she knew it was worth it. She herself felt light; this was the first time she was sharing her story in public and she felt freedom. But what blew her mind was the way God was using a story she wanted to hide for His glory.

Her heart sang to God.

"Who takes a mess and makes it a message to pull lives to you, Lord? Only you. Only you.

And as you give me grace, I will help as many as are broken as I was and I will help them find healing in you."

***

God had been tugging on Frances' heart to share her life for a while and today had been another tearful struggle with Him.

"But God, I had agreed that I would share when I am married with kids. Not now Lord. Not now."

He had told her to accept a speaking engagement from her former school fellowship to share her story but she wasn't sure if she would go.

Her phone rang. It was Nancy, the sisters' leader.

"Nancy dear, how are you?"

"Sister Frances I am fine oh. So this is concerning the speaking engagement I had told you about previously. We would love you to come and share your testimony with us..."

How much confirmation could God give to her?

"What date, sis?"

Her thoughts trailed as Nancy spoke. Did she have a choice?

She dropped the call and told God she would obey.

***

Frances had gone to the speaking engagement scared and worried. She had had to talk to her pastor about her past and what God was asking her to do and he had encouraged her to share. He said if God could use Apostle Paul, a man who persecuted the Jews, then He could use her.

She was still scared but knew that she would obey God. The Holy Spirit had told her what to speak on. Immediately Sister Nancy began to introduce her, her heart started beating wildly.

She stepped on the podium still terrified.

As soon as she opened her mouth to speak, it seemed as though her tongue was let loose.

"Good evening everybody. Today I am going to talk to us about the five women in Jesus' lineage. The five undeserving women in Jesus' lineage who were full of sin and still made it into the lineage of those who gave birth to the Holy child."

"How did this happen?"

"One word: mercy."

"The mercy of the Lord endures forever."

She paused.

"Rahab was a harlot, Tamar slept with her father-in-law on purpose; Ruth was from Moab, people who had descended from an incest relationship between Lot and his daughters. Bathsheba and David committed adultery and Mary carried Jesus amidst mockery from the society because she wasn't married."

"And then there is me."

"The lady who Jesus saved from her sins. I was just like those five women in Jesus' lineage but mercy found me."

"My story?"

"I grew up in a bit of a Christian home but I didn't know God. My parents took us to Church but I didn't know that there was something called a relationship with God. My parents got divorced when I was 9 and that started the journey of more than 8 years of loss."

"When I was 11, I encountered pornographic magazines and started masturbating. I ended up living under sexual addictions for the next 8 years of my life."

"When I was in S.S 2 in secondary school, I had a stint with lesbianism and went on to amass boyfriends from online forums. One of those boyfriends I had spent the night with had forced me to open my legs for sex by slapping me and threatening beatings with his belt."

"After then, I met another guy and in this relationship I had two abortions. At this time I had no self-esteem and thought I was nothing but God called me something. I went on to become born again after a defining encounter with God that changed my life. I have been on a blissful journey with Him ever since."

"He has not only accepted me but He also provided healing from the guilt, shame and condemnation of the abortions I had committed in the past. He redeemed me as a woman and an instrument in His hands and daily I see Him use me for His glory."

"Why did He send me here today?"

"For a young lady who perhaps has pain in her heart, guilt in her soul and condemnation from the past. God sent me here today to help you move on. If He can change me, He can change you too and is more than willing to do so."

As she prayed, she felt as though the hand of the Spirit was on her.

"Father I call forth for healing for your daughters. Lord, healing from the pain. Draw your own to you. Let today be the start of a new day with you... in Jesus name I have prayed, amen."

She had called for those who wanted to see her for counsel to come after the meeting and to her surprise the place was packed. As she heard each of their stories, she couldn't help but be blown away by God. Indeed the power of God is mighty to save. He had saved her and that He would save others through her was incomprehensible.

He was indeed using her mess for His message.

"Look what you are doing, Lord. Look what you are doing!"

***

He who did not spare His own Son, but delivered Him up for us all, how shall He not with Him also freely give us all things?

Eniola had been meditating on this scripture since the Holy Spirit gave it to her. It had been a constant source of her thoughts.

Finally, He had opened up a path of her purpose to her and He wanted her to hold little meetings for abused girls to find healing. He tagged the meeting "The Father's Girls."

For a while anytime she prayed, it was almost like she could feel God's hurt at the pain of His daughters. The baggage from hurts from the past. She had since learnt that the sexual abuse that happened to her was not limited to her. Many young girls had been abused in the past, some even akin to being used as sex slaves. Sometimes she would feel their hurt so strongly as a burden when she prayed, it seemed like she was carrying the weight of all abused women on her shoulders.

She had asked Him what she should do one day and He said to hold little "The Father's Girls" meetings all over Nigeria. They were having the first one today and the scripture He had given her was on His love; And John 4 from Jesus' conversation with the Samaritan woman at the well.

Eniola knew those scriptures were the things the Lord had used to set her free and she prayed it would be the same for the ladies who would be coming today. She had sent out the poster on Instagram and had just left the Holy Spirit to invite those He wanted to be there.

Since He had said it would be conversation-like kind of meetings, she had made arrangements to use a garden. Nifemi had made arrangements to pick up snacks and would meet her at the event.

She stopped to think about him for a bit. They had been courting for 6 months now and she knew like she knew her name that she would marry him, but he still hadn't popped the question. Just like Nifemi. The guy was so slow. She chuckled. But he was super useful for her kind of personality.

But today wasn't a day for Nifemi, it was a day for the Lord.

The Lord had led to pray a lot in the Spirit and even as she prepared for the day now she spoke in tongues. She had a feeling that the Holy Spirit wanted to pour out on her and the ladies who would be coming today.

***

Eniola walked into the garden and was surprised to see Nifemi already there.

"When did you get in, babe?"

"About 30 minutes ago."

Eniola was taken aback.

"Whoa. To do what?"

"I just wanted to check if all was set and okay."

In her heart Eniola screamed. Gosh, God I will marry this guy. Like I will so marry him! If only he would pop the question. Ah.

She smiled outwardly.

"What would I do without you, babe? You are such a darling! I mean that with all my heart."

Nifemi just smiled. "Okay babe. Call me when you are done. I love you and I am praying for today."

Eniola mouthed the words "I love you too" to him.

The ladies started arriving one after the other. They were twelve in all. After some chit-chats, they all settled in for the word.

"Okay ladies. We are on to our main deal for today."

"When I was coming here, I heard the Holy Spirit so clearly say it's going to be time for springs of living water to be poured out on us."

"God has so much for us His daughters. So much..."

"So what is the Father's Girls?"

"The Father's Girls are meetings where we explore the Father's heart towards us His girls."

God is our Father and not just someone waiting to punish us. Who is a Father? A Father is one with a responsibility to care for and love his children. That's who God is to us. He loves us and cares about us. He cares about our hearts. He cares about our emotions. Recently as I began to spend time with God, I began to see just how much His heart was hurting for abused women and women with scars from the past. I had asked Him what I could do and He said to invite ladies for the Father's Girls.

"What He had told me to share today was on His love; and to do that I would have to share my story."

"I was abused in secondary school by my boyfriend and 4 senior boys. They raped me. So I grew up in University hating men and never wanting anything else from them. For me, sex was love and love was sex. I lived my life full of sex and had many guys at my beck and call. I thought it meant I was using them and not them using me until I met two guys who raped me again. I met Nifemi, my boyfriend, from that incident and through him God began to open my eyes to His love for me. But it wasn't until I saw light from the Samaritan woman's story that I accepted His love. Like me, she had had a lot of men but Jesus still wanted her. In fact Jesus said that if she would give Him her pain, He would give her fresh living water."

"I saw that as His invitation to me also. It has been a journey with God since then and one that I still cherish every day."

"It's difficult to explain how God can take your hurt and pain and make you whole but that's what happens when you allow the Lord into your life."

"I learnt to have honest conversations with God. I told Him what I felt from the rape and I apologized for my part. Every day, I see the evidence of God's love in my life. Even He using me to put this together is evidence of His love for me. The kind of man He gave to me, men would say that I am undeserving of him and maybe I am. But God has called me a bride worth loving and stopping for.

Like He stopped for the woman at the well, He wants to stop for you today too. In fact, He is stopping for you today by the channel of the Fathers Girls."

"Would you hear His voice and yield?"

"He wants to help you. He wants to heal you. Would you give Him a chance?"

As she spoke she prayed for the ladies that the Holy Spirit would speak to their hearts and make them whole.

By the time she opened the floor for the ladies to share and release the hurt, her heart broke much more for the Father's Girls. These ones would find healing by the grace of the Lord today but what about the rest?

She silently vowed, "Lord I offer myself as a vessel to be used as your hands and feet for the healing of your daughters. Wherever you send me I would go. Whatever you want me to say, I would say and as much as you lead me to do, I would share the story of my mess so you can rebuild a life with it."

She held hands with the ladies in front of her as they prayed. Thankful that for today, at least twelve ladies had been told about the Father's love.

She prayed that they would find healing and courage to move beyond their pain and past.

She prayed for women all around the world. She prayed that the dark cloud of abuse would be lifted and that women would arise again, free without baggage. Free of pain. Free of the hurt of the past. Free to live their destinies.

'Then the woman left her water jar and went away to the town. And she began telling the people,

Come, see a Man Who has told me everything that I ever did! Can this be [is not this] the Christ? [Must not this be the Messiah, the Anointed One?] '

-John 4:28

## A NOTE FROM THE AUTHOR

Fun fact: I wrote this book in less than a week, speaking in tongues all the way because I truly didn't know what to write!

Another fun fact?

All I had inside of me was the name "ENIOLA" and a knowing that this book was going to be on abuse and healing. I had been feeling a deep pain for women who were abused when they were young and had not yet healed from their past.

Could they ever have a "normal" life?

To make it worse, I literally would walk into conversations and places where women would confide in me about the abuse from their past and the consequences they now lived with.

Some were broken and angry; recoiling in shame and guilt at who they had become. Some were pursued by images of lust they couldn't get out of their heads, angry at both God and their abusers. God wouldn't let me rest. He gave me "ENIOLA" and a story line with outstretched arms to every woman who feels like she is "damaged goods."

I hope and pray that this book spoke to your heart.

Please write to me!

If your heart was tugged on, you felt the healing balm of the Lord or maybe you even felt like your pain became worse (sometimes God's pruning before He makes one whole can feel like it is bringing back more pain, but He has to excavate the old to make room for the new).

Also, if you simply felt an intense urge to speak to someone, please write to me. My hands and heart are open to you all.

God's healing balm and a new beginning is available to you too.

I know this for sure because the Frances you read about in "Eniola" from a broken home, looking for love in the wrong places and ending up with two abortions with blood on her hands?

THAT WAS ME, 7 years ago!

But God healed me. He washed me. And gave me a ministry for women and to call His own back to Him.

I feel your pain, I feel your hurt and if God could wash me and make me new, He can do the same for you!

I will love to hear from you. I can be reached via mail at okorofrances@gmail.com

God bless you!

### THE BIGGER VISION FOR ENIOLA

You just read "Eniola" (it goes without saying). I do hope it was a blessing to you...

This fiction story 'Eniola' came to me as a work originally intended for the "GTBank Dusty Manuscript contest" but I didn't meet the deadline. Months later and the vision grew bigger to include my work with girls in secondary schools through my NGO "Awakening Youthful Seeds for Christ Initiative" (Please Search for us online @AYSCAFRICA)

The bigger vision is to have the book available for teenage girls in secondary schools (we will begin from Lagos) in a conference where older women who have been abused will share their stories of healing as well as on sex education and sex abuse to these young girls. The Bigger vision for Eniola also includes visits to prostitution centres to share the love of the Father as well as Regular 'Journey To Healing for sex abuse women" which we would hold in different cities and countries of the world.

I feel such a great pain for young abused girls. It's a pain I carry deep on the inside of me. Many older women too are damaged - too damaged to speak out of the shame and hurt that has trailed them for years. This – healing for both the old and young is why "Eniola" exists.

If you would love to be a part of this project, we do need your support and funds. We also need a publishing company whose heart is tugged that will be glad to sponsor printed copies of "Eniola" for our girls and women.

Please email us at healingforeniolas@gmail.com

We will be glad to hear from you if the Lord lays anything in your heart.

Follow Our Work With Abused Women:

Facebook: www.facebook.com/healingforeniolas

Instagram: @Healingforeniolas

Twitter: @healingforeniolas

As well as watch stories of healing from past sexual abused women on Youtube: Healing For Eniolas
TRANSLATIONS

Papa – Father

Nne – Igbo Language for 'young girl'

Bom-bom – Buttocks

Bia – Igbo Language for 'come'

Kukuma – Pidgin Language for 'just'

I dey come – I am coming

Ashewo – prostitute

Oya let's go nah – Come on let's go

Igbo – marijuana

I nor ready to add igbo to am – I'm not ready to add marijuana to the things I've done

Odonyo – Foolish and stupid person

How he go take reach for you? – How would it be enough for you?

Nor be everybody put together for this world go fit satisfy you? – It's going to take everybody in this world to satisfy you (in this context, to satisfy Eniola's sex drive and thirst)

See ehn – Look here

This one sef – Even this one too

I don tell you say na only me go fit marry you – I have told you that its only me that can marry you

No man go fit marry you oh – No man can marry you

Your mama nor fit keep her marriage and you too nor fit – your mother couldn't keep her marriage and you too can't

You people should go and find what is wrong with you because na curse be that – your family should go and find what is wrong with you because you are cursed

You still went to text this girl ba – you still went to text this girl right?

Man must wack – Man must eat

Oga Martins – Boss Martins

I dey oh – I am okay oh

No jare – No please

Oya, give Nifemi an answer – come on, now give Nifemi an answer
READ EXCERPTS FROM HEPHZIBAH FRANCES' NEW NOVEL "SURVIVING SINGLEHOOD"

Chapter 1

It was 10pm at night and Amaka just got back from school... again.

She has been doing her masters at Unilag.

"Since man nor come nah, make we go school... maybe we go even see the man for there... na the school we dey so."

Amaka hissed as she remembered the conversation with her friend Ugo.

"Babe howfar nah? Any new man on the block?"

"Sssshhh, new man ko? New man ko? No man don look my face in the last six months".

"But how shall they nah? When the only thing you know to do is go to work and church; your church that has like six male members with five of them married. I can count them on my fingers.

Babe you need to spread out. Either find a new church or let's do something else to help your matter'

"What can we do?"

"Have you gone on vacation from your office for a while?"

"Yes I have. I took one last Easter and Christmas period too".

"Okay, have you considered going back to school to do your masters? Most of the fine bobo's in Lagos go to Unilag to get a fresh certificate so they can scale up in their office. You should try it. It would be like putting you in a fresh sea where the fisher men are looking for fish. Try am babe".

Just like that the journey started. Her office gave her a study leave and every day when she went to class she would survey the class for one man – just one man who may perhaps be looking for her. The last situation at class had been epic.

Ah!

Le sigh.

"What have my life turned into..."

******

"Ok sir... I will look for how to research and get the files over to you tomorrow...

Yes sir...

Yes sir...

Thank you sir...

Goodnight sir."

Lara flung her phone across her bed and hissed. It was official. Her boss was deaf and daft!

After all the eye cutting and hand chasing, the man still couldn't get that she dug him. Ughh! What more could she do to shoot her shot!

She pulled out her phone and called her friend Kate.

"Kate howfar? I thought you said if I bat my eyes and be at his every beck and call he would notice me? I have been working backwards for three weeks and all I get is 'thanks'. As if it's every secretary that takes her boss's clothes to the laundry and brings him lunch she has cooked herself. Why can't this man see me? I don tire oh".

Kate took a deep breath. She had suggested Lara work for her boss in the office, not bend over backwards as a wife material.

"Lara I'm in shock. You did what? You are bringing him food cooked from your kitchen? I hope you know that this man is a married man oh?"

"He is separated not married!"

"Ehen, what is the difference? This man still has a wife answering his last name. Can't you go for other men in your company? What about Ade you told me about?"

"It would take too long for Ade to come up to date and be a husband my family would accept, Kate. Have you forgotten that he came into the company as an intern and was just made a permanent staff last year? With my status as a secretary and him as a level one staff, please tell me what hope would there be for our beginnings? Abeg, I cannot go through that stress".

"So you decided to go for the oga at the top".

Lara rolled her eyes on the other side of the phone with no remorse.

'Yes!

Please I did not call you for a sermon; after all you were the one who told me the strategic keys of work to take, why are you going all pastor-ish on me now? If you don't have anything better to say, then bye!"

Lara disconnected the call before Kate could say anything on the end. She kicked off her shoes in anger and plopped on the bed. As soon as she did that her eyes strayed to her boss' clothes lying at the corner of the bed.

"Arrrrghhhh! I'm not doing again!"

****

Lara was sitting beside aunty Kokoro at her younger brother's introduction party. How she got herself into this sitting arrangement she would forever mourn. She tried to focus on her pounded yam, rolling it in her hands with all the focus and precision of a person sitting at her desk at work. She could feel aunty Kokoro's eyes on her and from the corner of her eyes; she could see her deadly mouth preparing to open up.

As soon as Aunty Kokoro's mouth formed the words, "Lara", Lara deliberately hit her plate and poured her efo riro soup on herself. Anything was better than sitting through the question of 'where is he?'

"Ah aunty please excuse me, let me wash up the stain from my dress. I will be back".

Lara hurried away to the bathroom in her room mumbling under her breath.

"Me go back, God forbid".

She sat on her bed again – this place where she found her only solace.

'But God wait first oh, what's up? What's happening to me? I am happy for Segun oh but play play play play, all my younger siblings are gone oh. I heard Regina saying her fiancé is also coming for her introduction this year. What am I still doing here?"

She counted her age on her hands.

"I have been in this house for 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, going on 9 years after my NYSC. What's up?"

She thought back to her conversation with her friend Priscilla. It was her friend's opinion that she should check if she had a spirit husband.

"Maybe I should go see the baba she suggested oh. This thing is too much. Before you know it, everybody would leave me in the dust'.

Lara thought for a minute.

"No it's not that bad nah; I nor fit let marriage matter carry me enter herbalist house nah".

She thought again for a minute and arrived at a decision:

"God I will give you one year to connect me with my husband. I will go to church, serve in the choir and be a good girl but if you don't do anything after that one year then I will go bad".

Content with her decision, Lara prepared to go back to the sitting room armed with the answer of "God go do am" for aunty Kokoro.
Chapter 2

Femi sat up in bed just after his morning devotion, he was scrolling through Instagram, looking at pictures of girls he knew getting married to their heartthrobs. It was December and another time for marriage season. He was so tired and sick of this.

"God when nah? When? I am an eligible bachelor with a ready house and a good job. What's up? I am ready for marriage, where is my girl?"

Femi looked at his standing male organ, angry and pissed.

"God I have been dealing with this for 28 years of my life, staying celibate all the while at it. When will you give me a wife with whom I can make love with your blessing? You say stay celibate while single and only get to have sex when married – I agree. Okay now give me a wife so I would not sin against you, you nor gree.

Ogah oh. This one hard me. Maybe its till I sin against you, that's when you will answer my prayer".

Femi could feel the Holy Spirit chuckle within him.

"So if you sleep with a girl outside of marriage, who you do? You are the one who I am protecting; I am protecting your destiny and stopping you from having soul ties from numerous women and generational patterns. You should be thanking me for protecting you from what comes from having premarital sex, instead you are complaining."

The absurdness of the situation and the fact that the Holy Spirit was speaking in Pidgin English didn't register in his mind. All he thought about was on how God wasn't even joking with him... but of course he has been a Christian for the past thirteen years, so he should know better.

"Okay God, I am sorry..."

He wanted to leave the rest in his mind but he determined that after all God could still read his mind, so he continued.

"But God please just give a wife. Please, please, please, please..."

He wanted to force tears to come out of his eyes but right from the beginning of time, he had never been able to cry easily.

He waited for an answer.

No answer.

Instead, he started another conversation.

Go to work.

"Ok oh God. Thank you sir. Bye.

"This would be a very long depressing day".

********

TWO MONTHS LATER

********

Amaka had met this very amazing guy at her Masters class at Unilag named Lazarus.

'Laza, the resurrected' was his nickname.

At first Amaka never noticed him, but the whole class were fans of his. He was funny, intelligent and good looking all at the same time and as if that was not enough, he also worked in an oil company. Ah! This was it! So two months ago, Amaka began to plan how to get him to be hers.

She plotted on how to meet with him as soon as he was stepping into class. She also plotted on how to be at the same tutorial classes he took and she was successful, everything went according to plan. It was fairly easy after getting into the tutorial class to get his number from the tutorial class attendance sheet.

At first she simply introduced herself as his classmate and flattered his intelligence by asking some questions as the main reason for her calls. Afterwards she moved onto WhatsApp chats and finally asked him for his house address. By the time she visited once and then twice, they had had multiple trysts in bed and it was official; they were an item. Only deal was she had also heard that he was a chronic womanizer with no plans to change anytime soon but Amaka was sure she could change him.

They were seated on the couch at his apartment after another wonderful time together in bed. Usually when they had sex, Amaka liked to just laze around and cuddle with him but she had noticed that Lazarus would get up immediately and also ask her to do the same. Within 15 minutes one way or the other she would find herself being sent on her way home and today was no different.

She tried to lie on his back, "baby, can I spend the night today?"

Her heart was pounding as she asked the question and she could feel him drawing away even as she formed the words in her mouth. She waited a heart-beat before adding more words, "we could stay in the Jacuzzi, bathe together and make love all night..."

But Lazarus had already pulled away.

"I told you Amaka, I don't like to have ladies over at my house through the nights. Night-time is for me alone and it stays that way."

Amaka looked at him as the mood suddenly changed between them in the blink of an eye.

"In fact, I think you should be leaving right now. I need to take my rest".

He checked his wallet stretched out some money to her and asked her to take an uber home.

"Thanks for coming Amaka, I will see you in class tomorrow".

In an attempt to hide her shame, Amaka took the money and silently left his apartment. She couldn't figure out why Lazarus would do this every time they were together. They would have a good time in the bedroom – he never seemed to be less than excited to see her and then after the sex, it would almost be like a drastic change would come over him and he couldn't wait for her to leave.

Amaka thought to herself, "What can I do? Hmm. I will change him with my unconditional and never changing love."

******

Lazarus was simply glad to be rid of Amaka, good girls like her type were the worse; always looking for a man to rope into marriage. He could see it in her witchy eyes.

"If it were possible she would propose to me herself. Hmm. Let the world know that me, Lazarus, I will die in singlehood; there is no resurrection from death to life for me here".

Lazarus thought to the only girl he had ever loved and hoped to marry. Lisa was his everything but the babe was a cheat!

He was getting angry just thinking about it.

He had caught her red-handed with man after man after man and the stupid thing was that he was even still willing to get married to her till she called it off herself.

Well, every woman after her would pay for it. If he wasn't good enough for Lisa then he wasn't good enough for any other woman. He would take the ones like Amaka who were content to give him husband privileges like sleep with him, clean his house and cook for him but no more.

"Absolutely no more!"

*******

Lara had fully embraced her new found role at church as a member of the choir. Today was Bible study and she was fully enjoying her new church. She had scouted and searched for the best church where singles were most likely to meet and fall in love and she had found one; Christ the Lover Christian Centre. She loved the name – she hoped to also find a lover there apart from Jesus.

Right from the first, her clothes were to kill for; designers through and through with just the right amount of both cover and disclosure - enough to be a born again Christian and enough to be a trendy 'Christian lady'. She had ditched her car and had taken to taking the church bus to and from church each Sunday in an attempt to at least meet and mingle with people. Instead of just sitting alone in her car, she could take the opportunity to be 'seen'. There were better chances to be asked out when you are seen.

She had read all she could find on twitter on the right behavior to adopt as a single lady who is looking for a husband in church. She had found a pastor on twitter who spoke to singles like her and she had taken his advice. He had said to:

Number 1: Ditch the badass girl attitude outside. Guys come to church for Christian girls so please ensure you are a Christian girl.

2: Dress appropriately. For girls like her who didn't know, church guys don't actually take too kindly to cleavage opening - they run the other way.

3: Join a unit department at church; either meeters and greeters or the choir or something that has to do with getting you in front of people. Do not murder your chances on the altar of joining a unit like the media team. Aim to see and be seen.

4: Smile. Let every man feel the fruit of the Holy Spirit flowing through you when they come in contact with you.

5: Tone down your achievements; be and learn to be a wife who is submissive and is willing to let her husband be her head even over her achievements. If you are asked questions about your job and what you do in church, tone it down.

6: Participate in prayer meetings A LOT! All Christian men want a prayerful wife.

7: Never be caught unfresh; dress well and be well put together.

8: Repeat all ten steps and you will be married in a year.

The man who wrote the steps on twitter was a pastor himself and he swore that he had shared these points from a well put together survey from the 100 women - and still counting - that have gotten married in his church. Amaka trusted him and had put his steps to work judiciously for the last two months. No man had showed up yet but they will. God still had 10 months to fulfil his part of the deal. She trusted him. He is the God that never faileth not.

***
Chapter 3

*You are the God that changeth not, you are the God that changeth not...

You are the God that changeth not, you are the God that changeth not.

You did it for Rebekah, you will do it for me...

You are the God that changeth not.*

Lara was at a vigil she had been invited to by the pastor from twitter. He had posted that he was holding an emergency intercessory prayer for women who needed God to show up for their marriage martially this year and Lara had sworn that she wouldn't miss it.

She had reached out to him privately as he asked and was asked to pay a fee of 20,000 naira only for the special emergency prayer. The pastor had sworn that God would have an encounter with everyone who showed up that day.

"Praise the Lord. My name is Sister Nike. I came to the last emergency intercessory prayer held by Pastor last year as single as a flat board."

Everyone laughed.

"But to the glory of God, I met my husband exactly three days after that all night prayer. I was shocked. In three months he had proposed and we got married exactly five months later from the day I was here. Praise the Lord!"

She gestured for a young girl standing in front of her to give her the child she was holding.

"This is my first son from our marriage. Praise the Lord!"

Lara was shocked. The boy looked to be exactly one year old. She tried to calculate the time frame. Getting married five months after the prayers would actually mean that she was married seven months ago. Even if she got pregnant on the wedding night, her baby should still be in her womb at seven months pregnant.

What's happening here?

She didn't have to wait long for her question to be answered.

The Pastor from twitter took the microphone and started to talk to them.

"Praise the Lord!"

"Hallelujah"

"Praise the Lord God most High!"

"Hallelujah!

"The Lord is good"

"All the time"

"And all the time"

'The Lord is good"

The pastor continued.

"We are going to be merging the spiritual with the physical. Prayer is good but prayer without works is dead. You see this testimony sister Nike gave, when she came to us, I told her, as soon as you finish this prayer vigil, the very first man that comes to you, make sure you sleep with him and carry his baby. That way, it would speed up the process of marriage.

You see, men are like very stubborn creatures that need a greater reason for tying the knot. Why should he marry you? You give him a reason and that reason can and should be a child. I am telling you: you can decide to hold your legs closed or open them and let it be a ticket for you. Before we begin to pray, I really just want to share this secret of merging both the supernatural and the physical with you.

Do not say I have prayed if you are not ready to put in the work and do all it takes including opening your legs."

Lara heard a woman behind her gasp. She was actually surprised that more women did not think this suggestion preposterous. Many of the women were nodding their heads as though what the preacher was saying was making a lot of sense to them. These were women currently tying head-ties to show how pious and deep in God they are. Wow!

The pastor continued, "I see many of you understand this concept. Whether you have followed it before or not doesn't matter, all you have to do is follow my lead. I am telling you this is the way to go. "Believe in the Lord your God so shall you be established, believe in His prophets, so shall you prosper." Let us pray.

I am going to give you prayer points and all you need to do is pray along with me.

Let's pray.

Prayer point number one; my father, my father, turn my mourning into dancing. Turn the siege of singlehood into marriage. Let me smile again oh Lord. Turn my mourning into dancing.

Prayer point number two: Father, wherever my wedding gown is hidden, I tear it out of their hand by fire in Jesus name!

Prayer point number three: Father, I want to get married as soon as I leave this place, please open my womb and let the first man I sleep with get me pregnant and marry me in Jesus name. Father you have told me the secret here in this place; let this faith and works plan work for me in Jesus name amen!

Somebody pray, pray pray. Let the Lord see intensity and fervency in your prayer. Let Him know you are serious. Come on pray.....!"

Lara looked all around as everyone prayed, shaking their heads vigorously and screaming on top of their voices. She shook her head also as she prayed but for another reason... could she do this?

Anyway na singlehood cause am.

READ THE FULL COPY OF 'SURVIVING SINGLEHOOD' ON ALL ONLINE BOOK SITES.

Feel free to leave book reviews of all Hephzibah Frances' books on all books pages when you read... THANK YOU!

## ABOUT THE AUTHOR

Hephzibah Frances is a child of God and the Lord's delight. She has a background professionally as a Lawyer. She is an author and Christian Blogger.

As a Social Entrepreneur, she is the founder of Awakening Youthful Seeds for Christ initiative (AYSCAFRICA)

She is also the founder of "The Women At The Well Ministries" a Christian ladies ministry based in Nigeria, passionate about raising women filled with Jesus.

She is the owner of "Beautiful Feet Publishing"

(@beautifulfeetpublishing), email: beautifulfeetpublishing@gmail.com) a publishing house that exists to help aspiring authors' birth their books to life.

She believes that she is a scribe for the Lord and her writing gift is meant to be used for Jesus.

She enjoys traveling and sight-seeing adventures and hopes to travel the world in an all-expense paid trip someday.

If you are a woman passionate about growing in Jesus, feel free to join "The Women at the Well" at www.4thewomenatthewell.com

Visit Hephzibah's website at www.hephzibahfrances.com

FOLLOW HEPHZIBAH ON SOCIAL MEDIA:

Twitter: @HephzibahFran

Instagram: @HephzibahFrances

Facebook:: www.facebook.com/Hephzibahfrances

Blog: www.hephzibahfrances.com

##

OTHER BOOKS BY THE AUTHOR

FICTION BOOKS

  * ALL HEPHZIBAH FRANCES' BOOKS ARE AVAILABLE IN BOTH HARD COPIES AND SOFT COPIES.

  * Send a WhatsApp Message, text or call +2347035539092 to reach the author.

  * For book needs on distribution etc. email: Hephzibahfrancesbooks@gmail.com

  * For personal needs and correspondence, email: okorofrances@gmail.com

