If “OK Boomer” was a digital assistant
like “OK Google” what sorts of answers
would it give you to certain questions?
"Ok Boomer, where is the nearest gas station?"
"Okay so you're going to want to drive past
that building that used to be the old dentist
office.
Take a right at the large yellow house.
Keep going until you see that sign for the
restaurant we went to last year and then take
a left.
If you've reached the place where Tim Hortons
used to be, then you've gone too far"
"OK Boomer, open YouTube."
"How?
Can you show me?"
Ok Boomer, what's the weather like?
"Why don't you go for a walk and see for yourself?"
Ok Boomer, play today’s hits.
THAT is NOT music!
“OK Boomer, Call my Husband”
“Only if you tell me when I’m going to
get grandkids!!!
It’s about time!”
"Ok Boomer, how's the weather today?"
"Alexa?"
"No, you're supposed to answer me"
"Alexa are you listening?
I can't tell if it's listening.
Do I start talking yet?
I think it stopped.
Directions to this address....Alexa?"
"OK Boomer, restaurants near by"
"we have food at home"
"Ok boomer, Engineering job listings in my
area."
"Job listings?
You are just playing around on the internet.
Figure out where you want to work and go down
there.
Ask to speak with a manager.
Shake his hand, look him in the eye and ask
for a job!"
OK Boomer, how's the weather today?
"Open the window and stick your arm out.
Is it wet?
That must mean it's raining.
Is it cold?
Put on a sweater.
Try figuring out things on your own kiddo."
“Ok boomer, how can I pay for college?”
“Write a check like I did!”
OK Boomer look up therapists near me
Have you tried thinking positive thoughts?
"Ok Boomer, directions to 5th and Montgomery."
"we don't need a map, I know where it is."
waits a minute
"...uh..."
"Ok Boomer, what time is it?''
"What?
You don't know how to read a clock?
The future is doomed."
OK boomer, turn the thermostat to 23°C.
That function is locked to users.
"OK Boomer, what's the most effective birth
control pill?"
"The most effective birth control pill is
an aspirin between your knees."
“OK Boo—“
“By your age I had a house, car, and 50k
in savings.
You need to stop asking for handouts”
"OK Boomer, take me to the nearest formal
sit-down place"
"Ok snowflake, starting your route to Applebee's"
"OK Boomer, what's the capital of Iraq?"
"Back in my day, we looked things up in an
encyclopedia.
Damn millennials, so obsessed with their phones."
"Ok Boomer, what's on TV right now?"
"We only watch the news and Wheel of Fortune
in this house."
"Ok boomer, tell me a joke"
"You snowflakes get offended over eveything.
You can't even take a joke"
"Ok boomer"
"What did you say you little shit?"
"Ok Boomer, where's the nearest recycling
center."
"We have trash cans."
“OK Boomer, where’s the nearest car mechanic?”
“What, you can’t fix your car yourself?
Kids these days.”
“...Boomer, my engine literally just exploded...”
“I’m sorry, I can’t hear you.
Try not mumbling.
E-nun-ci-ate, your, words.”
“Erm, right.
OK Boomer, what’s the number for my insurance
company?”
“You don’t have it memorized?!
Sad.
Where would you be without your smartphones
and iTablet thingies?”
“...you know what, never mind, I’ll just
walk.
Thanks, Boomer.”
“Walking, finally, a good idea.
Exercise.
You’re all so chubby.
Don’t eat right with all that Chipotle Bell
stuff.
And it’s thank you, not ‘thanks.’
And my response is ‘you’re welcome,’
not that ridiculous ‘no problem’ you all
do.”
“.....OK Boomer, please stop now.”
“Don’t you tell me to be quiet!
Have some respect for your elders!
When I was your age I owned a house!”
"OK Boomer, open Indeed!"
"You don't need Indeed!
Just walk on in and give a firm handshake
you entitled brat.
And while you're at it, you can send out resumes
in the mail.
I bet you don't even know what stamps are
you avocado-toast-eating millennial!"
Ok boomer, the job market is so competitive.
How can I get a job?
Ya just need gumption!
(Proceeds to talk about how they got a job
from just walking in and demanding it)
You: "OK Boomer, what are the local showtimes
for Avengers?"
Digital Assistant: "I can't figure me out,
you have to show me how to work myself, why
am I so slow?"
You: "Goddamnit stop running all those malware
programs."
"OK boomer, volume up"
"What, you wanna become deaf?"
Ok Boomer, can you please auto-fill my credit
card details on this site ?
What, you want to give your details to a stranger
? Are you nuts ? Just go drive a half an hour
to the store and buy it in person, it's safer
that way.
"Ok Boomer, set my alarm for 9:00 AM tomorrow."
"9:00?
Are you sure?
I see in your calendar that your flight boards
at 10:30 and taking into account how it takes
30 minutes to get to the airport, that only
leaves you with 1 hour to make it to your
gate in time.
Why don't I set your alarm for 5:00 AM instead?
Or maybe 6:00, if you really want to sleep
in?"
“Ok Boomer, what should I wear today”
THE WHITE NEW BALANCES!
ALWAYS THE WHITE NEW BALANCES!
Ok Boomer: remind me to take my medication
You don’t need that stuff!
Just snap out of it!
"Figure it out for yourself" and "Do it yourself"
would be the only lines of dialogue on the
chip.
“Ok Boomer, do I need to go to college?”
“Hell no, just get a job at a factory and
buy a house right out of high school!”
“OK Boomer, open my mail messages”
“I’m sorry, there’s no mail delivery
on Sundays.”
"OK Boomer, tell me about how life was so
easy in your time"
"I had a part time job moving boxes and I
could support a stay at home wife, 3 kids,
2 dogs, a cat, a car, and what is basically
a mansion in today's world.
I don't get why you always complain that life
is so hard"
"OK Boomer, show me job application links"
"Here are the addresses of nearby offices
with job listings.
Their office hours are 9-5, so show up at
8:30 and expect an interview."
"OK Boomer, how do I fix my crushing debt"
"ORDERING.
ONE PAIR.
BOOTSTRAPS."
How do I get rid of student loans?
Work hard, stop being lazy and useless all
the time.
I used to work 40 hours a day in the fields
“Ok Boomer, which radio station should I
listen to?”
“Doesn’t matter, music nowadays is all
trash”
"Ok boomer, how should I ask her out?"
Boomer: "Back in my day, we didn't ask"
"how can I afford college?"
"Get a higher paying job" "How can I get a
raise?"
"Get a degree"
OK Boomer, wake me up at 6:00
wakes you up at 5:00
“Get up, its 6:00!!!”
"Ok Boomer.
Which candidate should I vote for?"
"Searching for sexual criminals in your county."
"Ok Boomer, h-"
"IT'S PAST 9 PM, WHAT ARE YOU DOING AWAKE?
THIS GENERATION CAN'T GO A MINUTE WITHOUT
USING THEIR DAMN PHONES."
"Ok Boomer, start my PC."
Boomer: "I told you I'm not a computer person!
You're not helping me so I'm hanging up now.
Goodbye!"
How do yo retire comfortably boomer?
You graduate high school, get a job with a
large company, buy a house by 25, work for
45 years, get retirement with a paid off house.
"Ok Boomer, what does [insert word] mean?"
"Oh my god get a dictionary and get off your
phone.
Go into the real world and maybe get a job.
God, this generation is doomed."
(Probably longer but I'm too lazy to type)
“Ok Boomer, how do I get to Starbucks?”
“What, to get one of your vegan organic
caramel vanilla millennial frappuccinos?”
“Just tell me how to get there”
“Just use a roadmap like everyone else”
(mumbling under breath) “Yeah, like everyone
else over 60”
”What was that?”
“I said...
Ok boomer, call Starbucks”
“Why?
Don’t know how to use a phone book?”
“Why would I need to know that when I have
a digital assistant?”
”Ugh, you millennials think your so entitled
to ‘digital assistants’”
