 
# The Prophet Muhammad as a Husband

By Peace Vision

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The Prophet Muhammad as a Husband

By Peace Vision

Published by Peace Vision at Smashwords

Copyright 2012 Peace Vision

Table of Contents

How was the Prophet Treating his Wives?

Pampering his Wives and Treating them Kindly

The Prophet's Adornment for his Wives

The Prophet's Good Companionship

The Patience of the Prophet (PBUH) with his Wives

The loyalty of the Prophet (PBUH) towards his Wives

The Prophet's Dealing Justly with his Wives

The Prophet Urged Men to Keep a Good Company with their Wives

The Prophet's Emotions toward his Wives

Finding Comfort in Love - The Prophet's First Marriage

Moments of Married Love-Prophet Muhammad & Lady Aishah

Lady Khadijah... The Unsung Heroine

What Lies Beneath... The Prophet's Marriages

The life of Aishah - a role model for all women

Ideals and Role Models for Women in Qur'an, Hadith and Sirah

The Prophet's Second Wife: Lady Sawdah

The Ideal Husband

More about Aishah

Unforgettable Love Story

A Happy Home

The Rights of the Wife upon her Husband

The Rights of the Husband upon the Wife

# How was the Prophet Treating his Wives?

All of us wonder about the way the Messenger (PBUH) was with his wives. How he dealt with them? How he treated them equally?

How was the Prophet Treating his Wives?

What was the Prophet's way in treating his wives? How could he treat them equally?

The Prophet (PBUH) accomplished the happiness to every one of them; that is because he knew how to deal with women and he penetrated deeply into her sensitive soul and went on apostrophizing her with the warmth of passion and assisted her to work for her religion and her life.

And what about his wives-the Mothers of all believers -? If we searched to know about their lives, we will find that most of the books describe the Prophet's wives with a common quality; fasting a lot and spending their nights praying. So they were privileged with their nearness from Allah and in apostrophizing him all night , that's why they deserved this great honour ,they deserved to be the Mothers of all believers, wives of the beloved Prophet(PBUH) in this life and in the hereafter.

But what about us? I know that a lot of the readers are married, and if not, they can see what is going on in most of the marriages these days; noticing their parents, relatives, and friends. Why marital happiness is rare in our days? Is it our time's fault? No, it is our fault, both men and women.

The fact is that we ruined our lives by materialism, by forgetting our religion, our Islamic civilization, and the teachings of the Prophet (PBUH). We forgot our love to Allah and committed sins publicly; our eyes and hearts do not blink for a moment fearing Allah and thinking about the fact that Allah is watching us.

Then, what can we do now to let happiness come back to our marital lives?

There is only one way; the way of Allah and his Prophet (PBUH). This will make everyone happy with his partner in their marital life, and feel the meaning of the marital happiness that Almighty Allah created.

From here, dear brothers and sisters, I thought of this series "The Prophet as a husband," to let every husband and wife who became far from each other restore love again. I hope you will follow up this series.

All prayers, blessings, and peace of Allah be upon Muhammad, his family, and companions.

# Pampering his Wives and Treating them Kindly

We all read about the life of Prophet Muhammad (PBUH) in the fields of education, faith, politics, war, or economy but seldom was written or published about his life (PBUH) inside his house and his relationship with his wives. A person well informed about the familial relationships of Prophet Muhammad (PBUH) finds out that it included meanings that we desperately miss in our present time. These meanings would contribute to the stability of our homes and marriages. In this article we are giving some examples of Prophet Muhammad's (PBUH) consideration to the feelings of his wives, his appreciation, and manifestation of love.

Calling one's wife with the name she loves most or with a nickname or a musical name is one of the forms of pampering and being kind to one's wife. This can be seen in the life of Prophet Muhammad (PBUH) who, in a saying 'Hadith' that is agreed upon by scholars, used to say to his wife 'A'isha: "O 'A'ish, this is Gabriel saying peace be upon you." She replied:" and may peace and Allah's Mercy and Blessings be upon him. You see what I don't" (She meant the messenger of Allah (PBUH)

He also used to call 'A'isha: (Homayraa') a short form of ("Hamraa') which, according to Ibn Kathir in 'An Nehaya', means the white skinned woman. Adh-dhahabi also said that "Hamraa'" in the language of the people of 'Hejaz' means white and blushing-a rare feature among them. So Prophet Muhammad (PBUH) used to treat 'A'isha kindly and call her with lovely names.

From the prophetic traditions 'A'isha narrated about fasting; Imam Muslim reported that she said: 'The messenger of Allah (PBUH) used to kiss one of his wives while fasting, and then she laughs, may Allah be pleased with her.

In another prophetic tradition narrated by 'A'isha, she said that Muhammad (PBUH) said that the best of the believers is the one who is best in manners and kindest to his own wife.

These sayings 'Hadiths' demonstrate how Prophet Muhammad (PBUH) cared for his wives and how well he treated 'A'isha, May Allah be pleased with her.

One of the forms of cuddling and well treating one's wife is feeding her with one's own hands. Prophet Muhammad (PBUH) said: "Whatever you spend is considered charity even the mouthful that you put in your wife's mouth."

Even the food that one feeds his wife with his hands is considered an act of charity that is rewarded by Allah the Almighty and not only an action that guarantees her love and cooperation.

Cuddling and being kind to one's wife has a tremendous emotional effect on her. This action of following the example of Prophet Muhammad (PBUH) costs a man nothing and grants him Allah's reward, his wife's love and cooperation. Therefore a man is commanded to cuddle and treat his wife kindly.

A man's nature dictates him a certain way of expressing his feelings that is different from a woman's. A woman expresses her love with words like; I love you, I miss you, I need you, etc. On the other hand, a man expresses love in actions and production and seldom with words. If a man wants to tell his wife that he loves her he buys her something she wants or brings some food and drinks or furniture for their house. According to a man, this is a form of love expression.

The generous Prophet has indeed overcome this negative trait in the nature of men. He used to express his love and passion verbally for Lady 'A'isha, may Allah be pleased with her, treated her kindly, pampered her, and let his wives hear what they wished from their beloved husband and this is a significant aspect in a man - wife relationship. Ibn Assaker narrated- on the authority of Lady 'A'isha, May Allah be pleased with her- that she said that the Prophet (PBUH) told her: "Won't you be pleased to be my wife in this life and in the Hereafter?, I said: "Yes," he said: "You are my wife in this life and the Hereafter."

Imagine Lady 'A'isha's emotions having heard the words that guaranteed her security, love, and peace in this life and in the Hereafter.

Al 'Aas Ibn Ar Rabee'- the husband of Zainab the daughter of Prophet Muhammad (PBUH)- leaves Makkah escaping from Islam. She sends to him to return and embrace Islam. So He sends her a letter, an extract of which is: "By Allah, I don't see your father as an offender and I love nothing more than following the same rout with you dear beloved. However, I hate being said that your husband has let his people down. Would you consider this and pardon me?" The letter demonstrates that Al 'Aas loved Zainab and wanted to be with her in whatever road. Moreover he hated that people would talk in a way that displeases her. At the end he asks her to consider and pardon him, for the sake of that love Zainab managed to go to him and return with him a Muslim.

Some writers demonstrate the respect of the West to women by giving examples like a husband opening a car's door to his wife. Although this apparently is respect, yet, a mature person can see many aspects in which a woman is being offended and disrespected in the West. Muslims do not have the issue of man/woman conflict because they believe each one completes the other and that mutual respect is a must.

Prophet Muhammad (PBUH) is our example in this. One time during his stay alone in adoration of Allah in the last ten days of Ramadan (observing I'tikaf), his wife Lady Safeya came to visit him and spoke with him for some time, then went to the door. Prophet Muhammad (PBUH) led her to the door to say goodbye. In another narration, he told her: "Do not hurry to leave till I come with you." Her house was at Ussama's and he (PBUH) left with her. Respect is the source of continual love and stability in a family. Therefore we wish that it prevails between a man and his wife.

If spouses treated each other in such way, a marriage would definitely be beautiful. We desperately need to leaf through the life of the Prophet (PBUH) and the Islamic history to discover the most beautiful theories in the art of marriage.

# The Prophet's Adornment for his Wives

To apply love between couples you need to be an inventor, a creative woman like Lady 'A'isha. Lady Safeya (May Allah be pleased with her) asked 'A'isha one day to try to let the Prophet excuse her because he was angry with her because of some matter and she will give 'A'isha her day. Lady 'A'isha wore a long saffron colored veil after and spread water on it to make it smell well. She went to the Prophet and sat beside him but he said: "'A'isha , go now it is not your day." She said: "It's the favour of Allah being given to whom he want" and she told him the story.

A woman asked Lady 'A'isha about henna. She replied": My beloved (PBUH) loved its colour and hated its smell." Notice how she used the love language in describing the Prophet's opinion.

From the Prophet's side, he has also his ways in applying love.

Lady 'A'isha was asked about the first thing the Prophet was making when entering his home. She replied: he was using siwak (arak stick for tooth cleaning).Narrated by Muslim

Some scholars said that the Prophet did that to kiss his wives when arriving home.

Al Bukhary narrated": Lady 'A'isha said that she was perfuming her husband; his head and beard. She was also combing the Prophet's hair even if she was menstruating."

Now some of men don't beautify themselves for their wives, besides the bad smell of smoking persons. Some don't care for their bodies and armpits smell, clothes, hairs, and nails. They neglect embellishments towards their women.

Women have rights to see and smell all good from their husbands. Follow the Prophet's example in that matter and you will see how these things increases love between husbands and wives.

Ibn Abbas said that he was beautifying himself for his wife because it is her right to see him in his best conditions as he likes the same from her.

Allah the Almighty said: "And they (women) have rights (over their husbands) similar (to those of their husbands) over them to what is reasonable "(Al Bakara: 228)

Another example:

A woman came to Omar Ibn Elkhattab and asked him to divorce her from her husband. When the caliph saw him he knew the reason of his wife's hatred towards him. So he ordered him to have a bath, adjust his nails, his hair, and his clothes. His wife didn't recognize him at the beginning, and then she knew him and yielded the idea of divorce because she became very happy with this great change.

Yahia Ibn Abdelrahman Alhandhaly mentioned that he saw Muhammad Ibn Alhanafia in a red wrap and his beard was dropping some scents from it. When he asked him about that, he answered him that it is for the sake of his wife who likes to see him like that, the same way he likes to see her in.

Learn the ways of increasing love between you and your wife...Follow the example of the Prophet and his companions May Allah be pleased with them...

Apply what you like to see from your wife upon yourself to strengthen all love relationships and live a happy life...

# The Prophet's Good Companionship

No woman know a good marital companionship –as that companionship means in the perfectness of a person- as she knew of the Prophet of Allah (PBUH), which is clear in the Holy Quran in his attitude, sayings, and deeds.

The most things that specify the Prophet's morals with his wives were his good companionship, cheerfulness, joking with his family, laughing with his wives, mildness, and generosity.

Even when he was racing with 'A'isha – mother of the believers, May Allah be pleased with her - in the desert in one of his trips, it was to show love to her by that. She said that the Prophet of Allah (PBUH) raced me and I won, that was before I gained some weight. Then I raced him after that and he won. He said:" we are equal."

Also, The Prophet used to gather his wives everyday in the house of the one he will spend the night with. He sometimes eats dinner with them then everyone leaves to her home. He used to sleep with his wife on the same sheets, take his rope off his shoulders and sleeps in his loincloth. And After praying al 'Ishaa prayers (which is the last prayer of the day), he goes home and sits with his family a little before he goes to sleep.

Furthermore, The Prophet (PBUH) put the criterion of the best of men in the good treatment of men to their wives. He said: "the best one of you is the best to his family, and I am the best one of you to my family.

"Narrated by At-Termithi

That is because artificiality and pretension of high moral standards becomes weak when the person feels that he has authority and power, and becomes weaker when he stays a long time with whom he has authority upon. If the person keeps on his moral perfection in a society he has power upon and has continuous intimacy with, so this is the best person in morals.

If the Prophet (PBUH) is the best one for his family, so his companionship with them must be really perfect, in all what goodness means of moral perfection in behaviour, love, justice, mercy, loyalty, and all what marital life demands in all conditions, situations and days as it was clarified in Books of Sunna, Merits, and the Prophet's (PBUH) biography (Sirah Books). And this was indicated in the honourable Sunna in many of the Prophet's sayings regarding his behaviour with his family and his treatment to them.

A- About the Prophet's love to them (his wives) Anas Bin Malek –may Allah be pleased with- says:

(1) The Prophet of Allah (PBUH) said:" the things that were rendered beloved to me in this life are; women, perfume, and my tranquillity is in prayers."

Narrated by Ahmed and others.

(2) Amr Bin al Aas – May Allah be pleased with_ asked the Prophet:" O Prophet of Allah who is the person you love most?" the Prophet replied: "'A'isha". Amr said: "And from men," he said: "her father," I said "Then who? He said "'Umar", and he named other men, so I kept silent fearing to be the last one."

Narrated by At-Termithi

B- About the Prophet's playing with his family, 'A'isha – may Allah be pleased with- says:

1) I used to play with dolls at the house of the Prophet (PBUH) and my friends used to come and play with me and when he (PBUH) arrives, they leave, so he let them come in to play with me again."

Narrated by Al-Bukhary.

2) 'A'isha -May Allah be pleased with her- said:" the Prophet of Allah (PBUH) was standing at the door of my room covering me with his rope so I can watch the Abyssinians playing in the mosque".

He was very much concerned of 'A'isha's young age who keens on having amusement".

3) We previously mentioned the hadith talking about the Prophet's race with 'A'isha – May Allah be pleased with her- which shows the Prophet's kindness and mercy.

4) An example of his good companionship and the nobility of his morals: 'A'isha- May Allah be pleased with her - said: "when I drink while being menstruating, and then give the cup to the Prophet (PBUH), he used to put his mouth where I put mine to drink." Narrated by Muslim

# The Patience of the Prophet (PBUH) with his Wives

Prophet Muhammad (PBUH) is the ultimate human example on being patient with one's wife(s). In spite of his highness at Allah's sight and at people's, it has never been heard of a man who had more patience with his wife(s). Researching Prophet Muhammad's patience, you will come across enough evidence.

It was reported that Umar Bin Al Khattab may Allah be pleased with him said: "We-the tribe of Quraish- used to overpower our wives. When we were encountered by Al Ansar we found out that the women overpowered the men. So our wives started to learn from Al Ansars' women their ethics. So, once I vociferated to my wife and she disagreed with me, but I disapproved her disagreement. She said: "why do you disapprove? By Allah, the wives of the Prophet (PBUH) sometimes disagree with him and abandoned him for a whole day." Umar was dismayed and told her that whoever did this did it to her loss. Then he went to Lady Hafsah and told her: O Hafsah, do any of you stay angry with the Prophet (PBUH) a whole day? She said: "Yes." He said: "You are in loss, don't you fear Allah's anger because of the Prophet's, so that you will be doomed?". This saying 'Hadith' is taken from Al Bukhary.

Note how Umar ,may Allah be pleased with him, was angry because of a simple disagreement from his wife, while the Prophet (PBUH) accepts the same from his wives with great patience being the generous Prophet and great 'Imam'.

Moreover, in such situations he used to treat them kindly. Lady 'A'isha, May Allah be pleased with her, said: "Prophet Muhammad (PBUH) told me: "I can tell when you are pleased with me and when you are not." I said: "How can you tell?" He said: "If you are pleased with me you swear saying: "No, by Muhammad's Lord" and if you are not, you swear saying: "No, by Abraham's Lord."" She said: "Yes by Allah, Prophet of Allah. I can only abandon your name."

This saying 'Hadith' is from Al Bukhari.

Anas, May Allah be pleased with him, reported: "The Prophet of Allah (PBUH) was with one of his wives then another wife sent him a plate of food. The one that the Prophet was at her home hit the hand of the servant who was carrying the plate. It fell down and broke into two pieces. The Prophet collected the broken pieces and the food and said: "Your mother [His wife] is jealous." He then kept the servant until he brought a new plate from the wife who broke the plate to give it to the other wife and kept the broken one at the home of the one who broke it."

Narrated by Al Bukhari

Prophet Muhammad (PBUH) overlooked all the doings of his wives, forgave them and was ever patient, even though he was capable of leaving them. Allah would have compensated him with better worshipping, Muslim, believing women, virgins and non virgins as promised in case he divorced them.

"And (remember) when the Prophet disclosed a matter in confidence to one of his wives (Hafsah), so when she told it (to another i.e. 'A'isha), and Allah made it known to him, he informed part thereof and left a part. Then when he told her (Hafsah) thereof, she said: "Who told you this?" He said: "The All-Knower, the All-Aware (Allah) has told me (3)

If you two (wives of the Prophet , namely 'A'isha and Hafsah) turn in repentance to Allah, (it will be better for you), your hearts are indeed so inclined (to oppose what the Prophet likes), but if you help one another against him (Muhammad ), then verily, Allah is his Maula (Lord, or Master, or Protector, etc.), and Jibrael (Gabriel), and the righteous among the believers, and furthermore, the angels are his helpers.(4)

It may be if he divorced you (all) that his Lord will give him instead of you, wives better than you, Muslims (who submit to Allah), believers, obedient to Allah, turning to Allah in repentance, worshipping Allah sincerely, fasting or emigrants (for Allah's sake), previously married and virgins.(5) " ( At Tahrim: 3-4-5)

But he (PBUH) was merciful and the more he was mistreated the more he was patient.

# The loyalty of the Prophet (PBUH) towards his Wives

Prophet Muhammad (PBUH) was immensely honourable and loyal to his wives especially to Lady Khdaija may Allah be pleased with her. Although Lady 'Ai'sha never saw Lady Khadija and was never harmed by her, she said: "I have never been more jealous of a wife of the Prophet than I was of khadija because the Prophet (PBUH) mentioned her and praised her a lot." 'Narrated by Al Bukhary'

The loyalty of Prophet Muhammad (PBUH) to his wives was clear when the "verse of choosing" was revealed-: {O Prophet (Muhammad)! Say to your wives: If you desire the life of this world, and its glitter, Then come! I will make a provision for you and set you free in a handsome manner (divorce). }(Al Ahzab:28)

First he went to Lady 'A'isha and told her that he will tell her something and that she should not rush to make a choice until she discusses it with her parents. Considering that she was young, he was worried that she would choose worldly pleasures and lose this life and the Hereafter. But she knew what was good for her more than her parents. She told the Prophet (PBUH): "Do you want me to discuss this with my parents? I choose Allah, His Prophet, and the Hereafter."

After Lady 'A'isha had made her choice she asked the Prophet not to reveal it to any of the other women. He told her that Allah had not sent him obstinate but a tutor and a facilitator and he shall tell any of his wives if they ask. Then he went to tell his other wives and reported what Lady 'A'isha may Allah be pleased with her had chosen.

They all chose Allah, His Prophet, and the Hereafter. They had the great manners of the Prophet (PBUH) and so chose what he chose, and like him they abstained from pursuing worldly pleasures and only wanted the Hereafter.

# The Prophet's Dealing Justly with his Wives

Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) dealt justly with his wives. He loved them and showed his feelings towards them. He was also patient and loyal with them. His actions were arising from sense of responsibility and because Allah the Almighty created him righteous and equitable by nature.

Lady 'A'isha (may Allah be pleased with her) said that the Prophet of Allah (peace be upon him) never preferred one wife over another and he used to see all of them in their homes everyday even though he spent the night with one only.

He was constant in his equitable treatment of his wives despite the changes in his conditions. He remained the same whether he was travelling or present at home. When he had to travel he would choose without personal preference - (by drawing straws) which wife would accompany him.

He used to spend one day and one night with each wife except when Lady Sauda Bint Zam'a reached old age and no longer had sexual desire. She dedicated her day and night to Lady 'A'isha (may Allah be pleased with them). In this way, Lady Sauda was also seeking to please the Prophet (peace be upon him).

Another example of how the Prophet (peace be upon him) dealt justly with his wives was that when he married a non-virgin he would stay with her for three nights so that she would not feel lonely or not pampered. After that, he would spend the same period of time with her as his other wives. When he (peace be upon him) married Um Salama, he said to her: "There is no lack of estimation for you on the part of your husband. So, if you desire I can spend a week with you, and if you like I may spend three (nights) and then I will visit you in turn." She said: "Spend three (nights)." Narrated by Muslim.

Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) treated his wives equally even during his last days when he was very ill. He used to go to each of his wives in her turn. Lady 'A'isha (may Allah be pleased with her) said that when the Prophet (peace be upon him) became very sick he asked his wives for permission to be nursed at my house. Naturally, they agreed.

In another narration, Lady 'A'isha (may Allah be pleased with her) said that Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) used to ask in his last days: "Where should I be tomorrow?" He was hoping that it would be the turn of 'A'isha. His wives permitted him to stay wherever he wanted. He stayed with Lady A'isha until he died and he died in her arms.

Although the Prophet (peace be upon him) treated his wives with perfect equity in what he could control, he apologized to Allah the Almighty that he could not be equitable in what he could not control; meaning, the feelings in his heart. Lady 'A'isha (may Allah be pleased with her) reported that the Prophet of Allah (peace be upon him) used to treat his wives equally, and say: "O Allah, this is how I divide what I can control. O Allah, do not blame me for what you control and I cannot control." Abu Dawoud said: "Prophet Muhammad meant what is in his heart." And it was said that it is love and cordiality as interpreted by At Termithi. What is meant, is that Allah the Almighty controls our feelings and hearts and made the love of Lady A'isha (may Allah be pleased with her) greater in the heart of the Prophet (peace be upon him) than the love of any other woman. Indeed, he could not control that.

As our feelings are out of our hands and are in the hands of Allah; men who are married to more than one wife are not obliged to love each wife equally, but they are bound to be equal in spending time with them and paying for their expenses. The Prophet (peace be upon him) implored Allah the Almighty to forgive him for loving Lady 'A'isha more. Allah the Almighty says: "And those who dispense their charity with their hearts full of fear, because they will return to their Lord." (Al-Mu'minun: 60)

Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) stressed the importance of dealing justly with wives because otherwise on the Day of Judgment the man will be severely punished.

Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) is the best example for the faithful believers. Allah the Almighty says: "Indeed, you have already had a fair example, in the Messenger of Allah, for whoever hopes for Allah and the Last Day and remembers Allah much." (Al-Ahzab: 21)

The words and actions of Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) are legislations guiding his 'Umma' (nation) to the right path. We should follow in the footsteps of the Prophet (peace be upon him) except for the actions intended by Allah the Almighty to be for him alone.

# The Prophet Urged Men to Keep a Good Company with their Wives

Prophet Muhammad – peace be upon him – has guided his people to keep good company with their wives by word and deed, and there are many traditions of our Prophet Muhammad – peace be upon him – in this regard, and here are some of them:

1- Al Bukhary & Muslim narrated that Abu Huraira – may Allah be pleased with him – reported that Prophet Muhammad – peace be upon him – said: "Treat women kindly, they were created from a rib, and the most crooked part of the rib is the highest part thereof; so, if you tried to rectify the rib it will be broken and if you left the rib as it is, it will remain crooked, and women are like this; therefore treat them kindly".

There is another narration to the same tradition by Muslim stated: "Women have been created from a rib. She will never be straightened up in the way you wish. If you enjoyed her companionship, then do it with that crookedness, as If you tried to rectify her she will be broken and breaking her means divorcing her."

The Prophet – peace be upon him – directed men not only to treat women kindly, but also demonstrated their reality to convince men to accept his precious advise, because if the men realized that women are crooked by nature, then they should be patient with women knowing that they cannot be straightforward always, and knowing that they are acting by their very nature; therefore, insisting on the straightforwardness of woman to the ideal level was a point of surprise for the poets, and some of them said:

The Woman is like a crooked rib which cannot be rectified; thus, trying otherwise will break such rib.

Another poet said:

The one who tries to use things beyond their nature is like the one who seeks a torch in water.

2- Prophet Muhammad – peace be upon him – repeated this commandment in several occasions. In his last pilgrimage (Hijjat Al Wadda), our Prophet – peace be upon him – devoted an essential part of his great sermon to this commandment and said: "Treat women kindly, they are captives in your houses, you have no way except to treat them kindly unless they commit a clear-cut abomination, in which case, desert them in the bed, if not feasible, strike them gently but do not cause them any harm, thereafter, if they obeyed you, do not wrong them. You have a right on your wives and your wives have a right on you; your right on them is that they should keep your honour and do not allow any person to enter your houses if you do not like them to enter, and their right on you is to treat them kindly and provide them with clothing and food". Narrated by Muslim.

The Prophet – peace be upon him reiterated his commandment for woman because he knows well their nature. This nature cannot be tolerated by some of the men who do not have control on themselves when they got angry; thus, their intolerance on the crookedness of women leads them to divorce them; consequently, they lose their wives and scatter their families.

Therefore, the Prophet – peace be upon him – guided Muslim husbands in another tradition to the right way of dealing with their families by saying:

3- "The faithful husband should not hate his faithful wife, because if he hates certain manner in her character, then he should not forget the other good manners in her character."

Narrated by Muslim.

4- The Prophet – peace be upon him – said also: "Those who are the best believers are those who have the best manners and the most kind to their families."

Narrated by At Termithi and others.

5- The Prophet – peace be upon him – said also: "The best of you is the best to his family and I am the best of you to my family".

6- The Prophet – peace be upon him – said also: "Anything not involving the extolment of Allah is vanity or negligence except four things: exercising shooting, training the horse, playing with his family and learning swimming".

Narrated by Al Nasa'i.

There are plenty of traditions urging the Muslims to have good manners with their families and relatives

Muhammad – peace be upon him – Disciplines his Wives if Necessary

True, the Prophet – peace be upon him – was all the time treating his wives – mothers of the believers, may Allah be pleased with them – kindly and compassionately but this was not the case all the times; because the Prophet – peace be upon him – was wise & prudent, and was taking the right action at the right circumstances; therefore, if the kind treatment was feasible and useful, then he will never hesitate to treat them kindly, but if discipline, prevention and desertion were more appropriate, then he will apply it. A poet said in this regard:

Patience and Forbearing will not be feasible or useful if there were no determination and strictness.

Women are by nature crooked, tending to their sentiments and need always to be educated, cultivated and disciplined; therefore, Allah Almighty has assigned this responsibility to the men by saying: {Men are the ever upright (managers) (of the affairs) of women for what Allah has graced some of them over (some) others and for what they have expended of their riches. So righteous women are devout, preservers of the Unseen. And the ones whom you fear their non-compliance, then admonish them and forsake them in their beds, (Literally: a madajic= reclining) and strike them, (i.e. hit them lightly) yet in case they obey you, then do not seek inequitably any way against them; surely Allah has been Ever-Exalted, Ever-Great} An-Nisa': 34.

The Prophet – peace be upon him – has applied this manner with his family in order to teach Muslims the right way of education and discipline as he taught them to be kind and forbearing with their families.

When the wives of the Prophet – peace be upon him – asked him for spending on them more than the normal limits and wanted to enjoy more pleasures and delights in this transitory life beyond what the Prophet – peace be upon him – determined and elected to himself, he deserted them for one month until Allah Almighty revealed this verse on him: {O you Prophet, say to your spouses, "In case you would (like) the present life (Literally: the lowly life, i.e., the life of this world) and its adornment, then come, and I will allow you (the necessary) enjoyment and will release you a becoming release ¯ And in case you would (like) Allah and His Messenger and the Last Home, then surely Allah has prepared for the fair-doers among you a magnificent reward} (Al-Ahzab: 28-29);

Therefore, the Prophet – peace be upon him – gave them the choice either to stay with him with the minimum necessary to support living or separation; so, they elected to obey Allah Almighty and his Prophet – peace be upon him – as mentioned before in the narration of Anas, Um Salama and Abdullah Bin Abbas in Al Bukhary & Muslim.

The Prophet – peace be upon him – was like this if the matter required determination in treating his wives, such as in case of committing any religious mistake which cannot be disregarded, in which case, the Prophet – peace be upon him – denounce such mistakes without taking any regard to anything except the pleasure of Allah Almighty; therefore, he was using several methods such as preaching, instructing, frightening and getting angry according to the circumstances of each case.

All of this proves the sublime morals, manners, and wisdom of the Prophet – peace be upon him – as he was taking the right action in the right circumstances.

# The Prophet's Emotions toward his Wives

Looking attentively to the biography of the Prophet – peace be upon him – you will find that he was extending a great deal respect to his wives and was paying high attention, care and love toward them.

He was the best example for the ideal manners toward the wife. He was comforting his wives, wiping their tears, respecting their emotions, hearing their words, caring for their complaints, alleviating their sadness, going in picnics with them, racing with them, bearing their abandonment, discussing matters with them, keeping their dignity, supporting them in emergencies, declaring his love to them and was very happy with such love. Here are some attractive examples and shining moments in his life:

Knowing their Feelings

The Prophet – Peace be upon him – was telling Aisha – May Allah be pleased with her: "I know well when you are pleased or angry from me. Aisha replied: How you know that? He said: When you are pleased with me you swear by saying "By the God of Mohammad" but when you are angry you swear by saying "By the God of Ibrahim". She said: You are right, I just desert you name. In another narration the same tradition ended by saying: "No, by the God of Ibrahim".

Narrated by: Aisha – Degree: Right – the narrator: Muslim – The Source: Al-Musnad Al-Sahih – Page or number: 2439

Understanding their Jealousy & Love

Umm Salama – May Allah be pleased with her – narrated: she brought food in a dish of her own to the Prophet – Peace be upon him – and his companions. Seeing that, Aisha came holding a tool and broke the dish out of jealousy. Understanding the situation, the Prophet took the two halves of the dish and said to his companions: Eat your food, it is just the jealousy of your mother, then the Prophet took the dish of Aisha and gave it to Um Salama and gave the dish of Um Salama to Aisha.

Narrated by: Um Salama – Degree: Right – the narrator: Al-Albani – The Source: Sahih Al-Nasa'i – Page or number: 3966

Understanding their Psychology & Nature

The Prophet – peace be upon him – said: "Treat women kindly, they were created from a rib, and the most crooked part of the rib is the highest part thereof; so, if you tried to rectify the rib it will be broken and if you left the rib as it is, it will remain crooked, and women are just like this; therefore treat them kindly".

Narrated by: Abu Huraira – Degree: Right – the narrator: Al-Bukhari – The Source: Al-Jame' Al-Sahih – Page or number: 3331

This tradition is not for dispraising women as understood by the public, contrary, it is for teaching and educating men. Moreover, this tradition expressed the accurate understanding of the nature of the women and indicated the possibility of leaving the woman as it is in the permissible things but to guide her if she exceeded the permissible limits such as doing the sins and neglecting the duties.

Complaining to & Consulting them

The Prophet – peace be upon him – has consulted his wives in the most delicate and important matters such as consulting his wife Um Salama – May Allah be pleased with her – in Al-Hudaibia Treaty. The Prophet – Peace be upon him – has written the treaty between him and the polytheists of Quraish in Al-Hudaibia region, in the Hudaibia year and told his companions: Go to make immolation and shave, but no one responded. The Prophet – peace be upon him – repeated that three times but still no one responded to him. Then the Prophet – Peace be upon him – went to Um Salama and told her about the matter. Hearing that, Um Salam said: O Prophet of Allah, just go and don't speak to any one until you make your immolation and shave. The Prophet – Peace be upon him – went out and did not speak to any one until he did the same. Seeing that, the companions stood and make their immolation and began shaving for each other to the degree that some of them was about to kill the other out of their grief.

Narrated by: Um Salama Hind Bint Abi Umayiah – Degree: successive – the narrator: Ibn Jarir Al-Tabari – The Source: Tafsir Al-Tabari – Page or number: 2/293

Demonstrating his Love & Loyalty to them

The Prophet – Peace be upon him – told Aisha in the long tradition of Um Zara' narrated by Al-Bukhari: I am in my love and loyalty to you just like Abi Zara' and Um Zara" Aisha replied: You are dearer to me more than my father and mother, you are even more loyal and loving than Abi Zara' to Um Zara".

Narrated by: Aisha – Degree: Right – the narrator: Al-Bukhari – The Source: Al-Jame' Al-Sahih – Page or number: 5189

Choosing the Best Nicknames to them

The Prophet – Peace be upon him – was calling Aisha: O Aish (nickname of Aisha), this is Jabril (Angle of revelation) telling you the greetings. Aisha said: May peace and blessings be upon him, you (The Prophet) see what I can't see. The Prophet – Peace be upon him – was calling Aisha "Al-Humairaa" (i.e. white-skinned woman).

Narrated by: Aisha – Degree: Right attribution – the narrator: Ibn Hijer Al-Asqalani – The Source: Fateh Al-Bari of Ibn Hijer – Page or number: 2/515

Eating & Drinking with them

Aisha – May Allah be pleased with her – said: When I drink water from the pot while in menstruation period and give the pot to the Prophet – Peace be upon him – he drinks from the same place which touched my mouth, moreover, during menstruation, I was eating from the piece of meat and giving the same to the Prophet – Peace be upon him – and the Prophet puts his mouth in the same place of mine.

Narrated by: Aisha – Degree: Right – the narrator: Muslim – The Source: Al-Musnad Al-Sahih – Page or number: 300

Not Complaining of their Circumstances

Aisha – May Allah be pleased with her – said: I was combing the hair of the Prophet – Peace be upon him – while in menstruation.

Narrated by: Aisha – Degree: Right – the narrator: Al-Bukhari – The Source: Al-Jame' Al-Sahih – Page or number: 295

Leaning & Sleeping in their Laps

Aisha – May Allah be pleased with her – said: the Prophet – Peace be upon him – was leaning on my lab while in menstruation and read Quran.

Narrated by: Aisha – Degree: Right – the narrator: Al-Bukhari – The Source: Al-Jame' Al-Sahih – Page or number: 297

Going on Picnics & Accompanying Them

The Prophet – Peace be upon him – was casting lots between his wives when he wants to go out. Once, the Prophet cast a lot between his wives and the lot was the share of Aisha and Hafsa together. At night, the Prophet walks with Aisha and speaks to her. Knowing that, Hafsa told Aisha: Why don't you ride on my camel and I ride yours and see what happens? Aisha replied: okay. Then Aisha rode the camel of Hafsa while Hafsa rode the camel of Aisha. The Prophet – Peace be upon him – then went to the camel of Aisha while Hafsa riding it, greeted her and walked together until they got down. Seeing that, Aisha felt jealousy and tried to put her leg between the lemon grass and say: O my Lord, send a scorpion or a sneak to sting me, this is your Prophet and I can't say anything to him.

Narrated by: Aisha – Degree: Right – the narrator: Muslim – The Source: Al-Musnad Al-Sahih – Page or number: 2445

Helping them in the Household Duties

Aisha – May Allah be pleased with her – was asked about the manners of the Prophet in his home? She replied: He was helping in doing the family duties and when he hears the call of prayer he goes out.

Narrated by: Aisha – Degree: Right – the narrator: Al-Bukhari – The Source: Al-Jame' Al-Sahih – Page or number: 5363

Depending on himself to Relieve them

Aisha – May Allah be pleased with her – was asked about the manners of the Prophet – Peace be upon him – in his home? She replied: He washes his clothes, milks his ewe, and serves himself.

Narrated by: Aisha – Degree: Right – the narrator: Al-Albani– The Source: Sahih Al-Jame' – Page or number: 4996

She said also: he sews his clothes, cleans his shoes and does what men generally do in their homes.

Narrated by: Aisha – Degree: Right – the narrator: Al-Albani – The Source: Sahih Al-Jame' – Page or number: 4937

Tolerating for their Happiness

Aisha narrated that Abu Baker – May Allah be pleased with them – entered to the home of the Prophet – Peace be upon him – while two young girls were striking on the tambourine and signing and while the Prophet – Peace be upon him – laying and covering himself with his clothes. Seeing him, the Prophet uncovered his face and told him: O Aba Baker, let them continue, it is the days of Eid (festival). The said days were Mina Days and the Prophet – Peace be upon him – was in the Medina.

Narrated by: Aisha – Degree: Right – the narrator: Al-Albani – The Source: Al-Sahih An-Nasai – Page or number: 1596

Treat them Fairly while Angry

Once, Aisha was angry of the Prophet – Peace be upon him – So, he told her: Do you accept Abu Obaida Bin Al-Jarrah as a judge between us? She replied: No, this man will not issue a judgment against you in my favour. He said: Do you accept Omar as a judge? She replied: I fear Omar. He said: Do you accept Abu Baker (her father)? She replied: Yes I accept him.

Calm Them Down In Panic

The Prophet – Peace be upon him – was putting his hand on the shoulder of his wife when she is angry and saying: "O Allah, forgive her sins, relieve her heart from rage and protect her from distress".

Giving Presents and Showing Affection to their Friends

Aisha – May Allah be pleased with her – said: I have not ever been jealous of any woman more than Khadijah in spite of not seeing her. The Prophet – Peace be upon him – was slaughtering the sheep and says: Send it to the friends of Khadijah". One day I made him angry; I told him: Why Khadijah! The Prophet – Peace be upon him – said: "I was endowed with her love". Another narration for this tradition ended in the story of the sheep without the remainder.

Narrated by: Aisha – Degree: Right – the narrator: Muslim – The Source: Al-Musnad Al-Sahih – Page or number: 2435

74712- When he slaughters the sheep says: Send it to the friends of Khadijah.

Narrated by: Aisha – Degree: Right – the narrator: Al-Albani – The Source: Sahih Al-Jame' – Page or number: 4722

Praising & Thanking them

The Prophet – Peace be upon him – said: The rank of Aisha to the other women is like the rank of the porridge to the other foods.

Narrated by: Anas Bin Malek – Degree: Right – the narrator: Muslim – The Source: Al-Musnad Al-Sahih – Page or number: 2446

Feeling Happy when they are Happy

Aisha – May Allah be pleased with her – narrated that she was playing with the toy girls when she was with the Prophet – Peace be upon him. She added: My friends were coming to visit me and they were feeling shy of the Prophet – Peace be upon him – but he was letting them in to me. In another narration in the tradition of Jarir: I was playing with toy girls while in his home.

Narrated by: Aisha – Degree: Right – the narrator: Muslim – The Source: Al-Musnad Al-Sahih – Page or number: 2440.

Feeling Pleased when they are Glad

Aisha – May Allah be pleased with her – said: Once, the Prophet – Peace be upon him – came from a battle and there was a cover for my toy girls in my room. The wind uncovered the toy girls. Seeing that, the prophet said: What is this? She replied: my daughters. He said: What is the thing between them? She replied: it is a horse. He said: What is this thing on the horse? She replied: they are two wings. He said: A horse with two wings!! She replied: didn't you hear that Sulaiman bin Dawood – Peace be upon them – was having horses with wings? The Prophet then laughed until his molars appeared.

Narrated by: Aisha – Degree: Right – the narrator: Al-Albani – The Source: Ghayat Al-Maram – Page or number: 129

Expressing his Love to them

Aisha – May Allah be pleased with her – said: I have not been ever jealous of any woman more than Khadijah in spite of not seeing her. The Prophet – Peace be upon him – was slaughtering the sheep and says: Send it to the friends of Khadijah". One day I made him angry; I told him: Why Khadijah! The Prophet – Peace be upon him – said: "I was endowed with her love". Another narration for this tradition ended in the story of the sheep without the remainder.

Narrated by: Aisha – Degree: Right – the narrator: Muslim – The Source: Al-Musnad Al-Sahih – Page or number: 2435

Considering her Best Manners

"The faithful husband should not hate his faithful wife, because if he hates certain manner in her character, then he should not forget the other good manners in her character".

Narrated by: Abu Huraira – Degree: Right – the narrator: Muslim – The Source: Al-Musnad Al-Sahih – Page or number: 1469

Keeping Their Privacy

"The worst rank for a man at the day of judgment is the rank of the man who sleeps with his wife and then discloses her privacy".

Narrated by: Abu Saeed Al-Khudri – Degree: Right – the narrator: Muslim – The Source: Al-Musnad Al-Sahih – Page or number: 1437

Refraining from Beating or Abusing them

"The Prophet – Peace be upon him – has not ever beaten any woman, any servant or anything in his hand other than fighting in the way of Allah The Almighty. He does not take revenge from anyone harmed him except when breaching the orders of Allah The Almighty, at which case, he takes revenge".

Narrated by: Aisha – Degree: Right – the narrator: Muslim – The Source: Al-Musnad Al-Sahih – Page or number: 2328

Consoling & Wiping their Tears

Safiyah – May Allah be pleased with her – was travelling with the Prophet – Peace be upon him – and it was then her turn to travel with him. She was slow in walking. The Prophet – Peace be upon him – received her while crying and saying: You gave me a slow camel. Seeing that, The Prophet – Peace be upon him – wiped her eyes with his hands and consoled her. Narrated by An-Nasai.

Putting the Bite in her Mouth

The Prophet – Peace be upon him said: "If you expend anything seeking the pleasure of Allah the Almighty, even if you put a bite in the mouth of your wife, He will promote you to a higher degree in paradise".

Narrated by: -- – Degree: Right – the narrator: Ibn Taymiyyah – The Source: Majmou' Al-Fatawa – Page or number: 10/31

Fulfilling their Needs

"O Prophet of Allah, what are the rights of my wife? He said: To feed her when you eat, clothe her when you clothe, don't beat her face, don't abuse her and don't desert her except in home".

Narrated by: Mu'awiah Bin Haida Al-Qushairi – Degree: Stated in the introduction that it is "Right" pursuant to the standards of some narrators – the narrator: Ibn Daqiq Al-Eid – The Source: Al-Elmam – Page or number: 2/655

Trusting them

The Prophet – Peace be upon him – prohibited men from knocking the door of their families at night trying to charge them with treason or follow their mistakes. In another narration, he did not mention "Trying to charge them with treason or follow their mistakes".

Narrated by: Jaber Bin Abdullah – Degree: Right – the narrator: Muslim – The Source: Al-Musnad Al-Sahih – Page or number: 715

Remembering & Caring About Them

The Prophet – Peace be upon him – was visiting his eleven wives within a short period of time, at night or in the day. I said to Anas: Was he bearing that? Anas said: He has the power of thirty men.

Narrated by: Anas Bin Malek – Degree: Right – the narrator: Al-Bukhari – The Source: Al-Jame' Al-Sahih – Page or number: 268

Respecting them during Menstruation

The Prophet – Peace be upon him – was making love with his wives above the loincloth while in menstruation.

Narrated by: Maimona Bint Al-Hareth – Degree: Right – the narrator: Muslim – The Source: Al-Musnad Al-Sahih – Page or number: 294

Accompanying them in Travel

The Prophet – Peace be upon him – was casting lots between him wives when he wants to travel then he takes the one who wins the lot. He cast a lot between us in one of his battles and it was me who won it; therefore, I went with the Prophet – Peace be upon him – after the revelation of Al-Hijab (veil) verse.

Narrated by: Aisha – Degree: Right – the narrator: Al-Bukhari – The Source: Al-Jame' Al-Sahih – Page or number: 2879

Racing & Playing with them

Aisha – May Allah be pleased with her – narrated that she was accompanying the Prophet – Peace be upon him – in travel while she was a young girl. She said I was still slim. The Prophet – Peace be upon him – told his companions to go forward. They went forward. Then he told me: come, I want to have race with you. We started the race and I won. After a period of time, I went in travel with him and he said to his companions go forward. The companions went forward and then he told me: come to have a race with you. At that time, I forgot the former race and I was fat. I told him: how can we race while I am in this situation (thin)? He replied: you will do it. Then we started the race and he won. He laughed then and said: tit for tat.

Narrated by: Aisha – Degree: his attribution is right – the narrator: Al-Albani – The Source: Adab Al-Zafaf – Page or number: 204

Choosing the Best Nicknames for them

Aisha – May Allah be pleased with her – said to the Prophet – Peace be upon him: O Prophet of Allah, all of your wives have nicknames except me. The Prophet – Peace be upon him – replied: take the name of your son Abdullah (i.e. Abdullah bin Al Zubair), your nickname now is Um Abdullah. The narrator said: She was called Um Abdullah until she died though she has not ever given birth.

Narrated by: Orwa Bin Al-Zubair – Degree: Right attribution – the narrator: Al-Albani – The Source: Al-Silsila Al-Sahiha – Page or number: 1/255

Sharing Happiness and Joy with them

Aisha – May Allah be pleased with her – narrated: By Allah The Almighty, I saw the Prophet – Peace be upon him – standing at the door of my room and the Habashi people were playing with their bayonets in the mosque of the Prophet – Peace be upon him – while he was covering me with his gown so that I can see them playing and was waiting for me until I finish by my own will. So, try to consider the desires of the young girls, they like playing.

Narrated by: Aisha – Degree: Right – the narrator: Muslim – The Source: Al-Musnad Al-Sahih – Page or number: 892

116691- Aisha narrated: I saw the Prophet – peace be upon him – at the door of my room and the Habashi people were playing in the mosque and the Prophet – Peace be upon him – was covering me with his gown so that I can see them playing.

Narrated by: Aisha – Degree: Right – the narrator: Al-Bukhari – The Source: Al-Jame' Al-Sahih – Page or number: 454

Spreading Happiness in his House

Aisha – May Allah be pleased with her – narrated: Once, Sawda visited us and the Prophet – Peace be upon him – sat down between me and her, one leg in her lap and the other in mine. I made then Khazira (food) and told her: Eat! She refused. I said: If you don't eat I will stain your face with Khazira but she insisted not to eat; therefore, I put my hand in Khazira and painted her face. Seeing that, the Prophet – peace be upon him – laughed and gave his share in Khzaira to Sawda and told her stain her face; so, Swada stained my face and the Prophet – Peace be upon him – laughed. Then Omar – May Allah be pleased with him – passed by and called for Abdullah. The Prophet – Peace be upon him – thought that he will enter but Omer said to us: Go wash your faces. Aisha said: Since then, I still fearing Omar due to the Prophet's respect to him.

Narrated by: Aisha – Degree: Good – the narrator: Al-Albani – The Source: Al-Al-Silsila Al-Sahiha – Page or number: 7/363

Loving & Respecting their Families

The Prophet – Peace be upon him – appointed Amer Bin Al-Aas as a leader to Zat Al-Salasil Battle. Feeling the love of the Prophet, Amer asked the Prophet: Whose is the dearest to you? He answered: (Aisha), Amer said: I mean from men: he replied: (Her father), Amer said: Who then? The Prophet replied: (Omar), then the Prophet mentioned several men; so, Amer kept silence in order not to be the last of them.

Narrated by: Abu Othman Al-Nahdi – Degree: Right – the narrator: Al-Bukhari – The Source: Al-Jame' Al-Sahih – Page or number: 4358

Keeping their Dignity in Ordeals

Aisha – May Allah be pleased with her – narrated: When the Prophet – Peace be upon him – wants to travel, he casts a lot between his wives and the one who won the lot will accompany him. At Bani Al-Mustaleq Battle, I won the lot and travelled with him. The women were eating light food and avoid meat in order to move easily. I was sitting in my howdah when we get down for rest and when we want to go, they carry me while in the howdah and put it on the back of the camel and then tight it with ropes to go forward again.

When the Prophet – Peace be upon him – finished the said travel, he went back to the Medina. By approaching the Medina, he got down and took rest for a short period at night. Thereafter, the people were told to resume walking and they got ready to continue while I was out to relieve nature and I was having a necklace in my neck. When I finished, the necklace fell down from my neck and I did not remember it until I reached to the place of my baggage. At that time, people began leaving while I returned back again to my place looking for the necklace until I found it. Then, the people who took my camel for rest returned back and put the howdah on the camel thinking that I am there as usual and resumed walk. I returned back to the camp and no people were there. All of them went forward. Seeing that, I covered myself with my gown and lay down in my place so that when they miss me they can return and find me there. While in that situation (laying down), Safwan Bin Al-Mu'atel Al-Salami passed by me as he was late for relieving nature. He saw my black clothes and approached me – He knew me before the revelation of the Hijab (veil) verse – and said: "To Allah We belong, and to Him is our return. The wife of the Prophet is here? I was then covering myself with my gown. He said: Why you are late? I said nothing. Then he got the camel close to me and said: Ride. He went back a little. Then I rode the camel and he guided the camel toward the caravan but we did not reach them and they did not miss us until the morning when they got down for rest. Then, they saw the man guiding the camel I rode. At that moment, a group of people fabricated a story and began spreading rumours that we committed adultery and the whole camp became confused while I know nothing about the whole matter.

Then we reached Medina and I was very sick and no one is telling me what is going around. Then the matter reached to my father and the Prophet – Peace be upon him – and no one mentioned anything to me. I was then not pleased with the treatment of the Prophet toward me while I was sick because when he enters my room while my mother is nursing me he just says: How are you? He did not say anything else. Seeing that, I felt angry of his coolness and told him: May I go to my mother? He replied: No problem. Then I went to my mother and knew nothing about the whole matter. About twenty days later I recovered. At our era, we were not having toilets like the non-Arabs. We hate it. We were just going to the free spaces in the Medina and the women were going out every night to relieve nature. At certain night, I went out with Um Mustah to relieve nature.

At the way, she stumbled with her clothes and said: Woe to my son Mustah. I said to her: It is not good to speak like this about a man like your son, he is one of the immigrants and he has witnessed Bader Battle! Um Mustah said: Don't you know the recent news? I said: What happened? She told me about the rumours made by the people that I committed adultery. I asked her: Is that what happened? She said: yes. Hearing that, I was not able even to relieve nature and went back to home. I continued crying till I felt my liver will be broken out. I told my mother: All people speaking ill about me, why you did not mention this to me? My mother said: My dear daughter, don't worry; this usually happens to any beautiful woman loved by her husband who has other wives because the other wives and people will speak a lot about her out of their jealousy. The Prophet – Peace be upon him – then delivered a sermon to the people – I did not k

new that then – and said: "O people, why some group of you are speaking ill about my family and telling false about them? I swear by Allah The Almighty that my wife is good and chaste. Moreover, they also spoke ill about a man who is straightforward. That man did not enter my house except in my company". Hearing that, Abdullah Bin Ubai and some men of Al-Khazraj tribe got angry and the matter became complicated after what was told by Mustah and Hamna Bint Jahsh, the sister of Zainab Bint Jahsh, the wife of the Prophet – Peace be upon him – because she was the only wife who compete with my rank for the Prophet. Zainab spoke only good about me but her sister Hamna spread ill rumours about me. When the Prophet – Peace be upon him – delivered the above mentioned sermon, Usaid Bin Khudair said: O Prophet of Allah, if they (The people who spoke ill about your family) are from Al-Aws tribe we will kill them and if they are from our brothers in Al-Khazraj tribe, just order us and we will cut their necks. Hearing that, Saad Bin Obada (Head in Al-Khazraj tribe and was considered of the righteous men) said out of ardor: I swear by Allah that you are lying, we will not allow you to cut their nicks, you just said like that because you know well that they (Who spoke ill about the Prophet's family) are from Al-Khazraj tribe, and if they were from your tribe you will not speak like this about them. Usaid replied: I swear by Allah that you are the liar, you are just a hypocrite man defending the hypocrite people. The Prophet – Peace be upon him – got down from his stand and called Ali Bin Abi Taleb and Osama Bin Zaid – May Allah be pleased with them – in order to consult them.

Osma spoke good and said: O Prophet of Allah, it is your family and we know nothing but good about them and these rumours are lies and false. Ali said: O Prophet of Allah, women are many, you can marry again, and you can ask her maid, she will not lie. The Prophet – Peace be upon him – called Brira (the maid) and asked her about the matter. Ali has beaten her severely while saying: speak the truth to the Prophet! The maid was saying: I swear by Allah that I know nothing but good about Aisha except that when I knead the dough I tell her to keep it but she sleeps and forgets it, so the sheep comes and eat it! Then Aisha said: the Prophet – Peace be upon him – entered to my room while my parents were with me. There was also a woman from Al-Ansar (People who supported the Prophet) crying with me. The Prophet – Peace be upon him – sat down, praised Allah then said: O Aisha, you knew what the people are saying, be pious, and if you committed any thing of what is said by the people just repent to Allah. Allah will accept the repentance. Hearing that, I did not find any tears in my eyes (out of my astonishment of the speech of the Prophet) and expected that my parents will answer on my behalf but they did not do so. I was thinking that the Prophet – Peace be upon him – will see a dream proving my innocence but did not expect that my rank is high to the degree that Allah The Almighty will reveal a verse proving my innocence. I told my parents: Can't you answer the Prophet of Allah? They replied: We do not know what to say. The matter was very difficult for Abu Baker family.

Aisha said: At that ordeal, the family of my father Abu Baker suffered more than anyone can bear. Then Aisha said: When my parents did not reply, I started crying and said: I swear by Allah I will not repent from what you say at all because if I admit what the people is saying – Though I am innocent – I will be saying what is not happened actually and if I denied, you will not believe. Then I tried to remember the name of the Prophet Yaqoub (Jacob) but in vain, then I said: I will say just like the father of Yousuf: {For me patience is most fitting: Against that which ye assert, it is Allah (alone) Whose help can be sought}. Then the revelation came to the Prophet – Peace be upon him and I put a billow under his head. I did not fear anything because I am sure that I am innocent but my parents feared that Allah will reveal something proving the sayings of people. Then the Prophet – Peace be upon him – sat down sweating heavily. He started wiping his sweat and said: Be happy Aisha, Allah The Almighty has revealed your innocence. I said: All praise be to Allah The Almighty. Then the Prophet – Peace be upon him – went out and recited the following verses: {Those who brought forward the lie are a body among yourselves: think it not to be an evil to you; On the contrary it is good for you: to every man among them (will come the punishment) of the sin that he earned, and to him who took on himself the lead among them, will be a penalty grievous}.

Narrated by: Aisha – Degree: The story is right and it is mentioned in Al-Bukhari & Muslim – the narrator: Al-Albani – The Source: Fiqh Al-Sira – Page or number: 288

Giving Time to Adorn themselves

We went for a battle with the Prophet – Peace be upon him – and I was riding on my camel but someone followed me from behind and began urging my camel with a stick; so, my camel went forward quickly more than the best camels. The Prophet – Peace be upon him – said: (Why you are in hurry?). I said: I got married recently. He said: (You married virgin or not?). I replied: not virgin. He said: (Isn't it better to marry a young girl so that you can make fun with each other?). Then, when I went to consummate the marriage the Prophet – peace be upon him – said: (Wait until night – i.e. After Al-Isha (evening) – so that the bride can comb her hair and get ready).

Narrated by: Jaber Bin Abdullah – Degree: Right – the narrator: Al-Bukhari – The Source: Al-Jame' Al-Sahih – Page or number: 5079

Considering their Psychology while in Illness

The Prophet – Peace be upon him – was, if one of his family members sick, reading Al-Falq verse and An-Nas verse on the sick member of his family and wiping him with his hands. When he got the sick which caused his death, I started reading the said two verses and wiped him with his own hands because they are more blessed than mine.

Narrated by: Aisha – Degree: Right – the narrator: Muslim – The Source: Al-Musnad Al-Sahih – Page or number: 2192

Bringing Good News and Joy to them

Jabril (Angle of Revelation) – Peace be upon him – came to the Prophet – Peace be upon him – and said: O Prophet of Allah, this is Khadija coming holding a pot of food or drink, when she reaches you, tell her the greetings of Allah The Almighty and me and tell her that Allah has prepared for her a house in paradise made out of pearls wherein she will enjoy calmness and comfort.

Narrated by: Abu Huraira – Degree: Right – the narrator: Al-Bukhari – The Source: Al-Jame' Al-Sahih – Page or number: 3820

Aisha – May Allah be pleased with her – narrated that the Prophet – Peace be upon him – told her: "Jabril is telling you his greetings" Aisha replied: tell him my greetings.

Jabril – Peace be upon him – came to the Prophet – Peace be upon him – and said: O Prophet of Allah, this is Khadija coming holding a pot of food or drink, when she reaches you, tell her the greetings of Allah The Almighty and me and tell her that Allah has prepared for her a house in paradise made out of pearls wherein she will enjoy calmness and comfort. The Prophet – Peace be upon him – told these good news to Khadija and was very happy for her.

# Finding Comfort in Love - The Prophet's First Marriage

When Muhammad (peace be upon him) reached twenty, a new stage in his life was starting. His noble birth, strong character and physical strength would surely have put him on the road to prosperity.

There are reports suggesting that in his old age Muhammad was endowed with exceptional strength. In his youth, he must have been full of vigour and ability.

Combining this with his well-known honesty and wisdom which belied his years in addition to his fine character, it was only to be expected that if he aspired to any material achievement in his society he would have been certain to achieve it.

Muhammad, however, continued to set for himself a high code of honour. The strength of his character and his keen sense of morality provided a balancing factor for his physical desire. He was able to control that desire with wisdom and spiritual strength.

Moreover, he was fast acquiring a reputation for meticulous honesty. Indeed, he was called by his society "Al-Ameen", which meant the "trustworthy and honest one".

Searching for Employment

Material gain did not seem to tempt him in any way. He did not despise wealth, nor did he seek any vain ideals. He only had a fine sense of proportion. He realized that wealth was not an end in itself. It was a means to a higher end.

Hence he approached the task of searching for a new occupation with seriousness and dignity. It as soon decided that he should try to find employment in trade and business.

Muhammad had no money of his own to establish a business, nor was Abu Talib, his uncle, a man of affluence to provide him with a good start.

The only option left for him, therefore, was to prove himself as an agent, trading on someone else's behalf. Apparently, he had no difficulty in securing such a position , because of his rapidly growing reputation for honesty and sound character.

It is not absolutely certain for whom Muhammad was working as agent in those early years.

A Business Arrangement

It is reasonable, however, to assume that it was Khadijah bint khuwaylid, a rich widow, who had the benefit of his valuable services. She was later to send him on a trade mission to Syria with a great quantity of goods. Probably she would not have done that without trying him first in the local markets.

He is reported to have said later that she was very kind employer. Every time he and his partner went to see her, she offered them something to eat.

Muhammad gained a great deal of experience in business in his early twenties. He was working on commission.

Khadijah, however, paid him more than she paid her other agents. She realized that she had working for her a man who combined honesty and integrity with a keen eye for business.

Lady Khadijah had many wealthy suitors but she determined to only marry a man of a fine character.

Her admiration for Muhammad was increasing all the time. She wanted to retain his services, and she felt that the only way to d that was to increase his income. He, however, shoed no sign of the greed normally shown by people in his position.

Khadijah, being a wealthy widow, received one marriage proposal after another. She realized, however, that it was her money that tempted her suitors. Hence she declined as many proposals as she received.

Her business association with Muhammad, however, made her recognize that there was a man for whom money was not the greatest priority. She began to think of him in a different light.

A Marriage Proposal

Khadijah was a woman of great intelligence and noble birth. She had a strong character and she like to act in any matter only after she had looked at it carefully from all angels.

Apparently, she consulted one or two of her trusted relatives, who praised Muhammad highly. One of those was Waraqah ibn Nawfal, an old uncle of hers, who recognized that Muhammad was destined to have a very important future.

Khadijah had long resolved that she would choose her future husband when she was absolutely certain of his character. Looking at her dealings with Muhammad, she felt that it was now up to her to take the next step.

Khadijah sent a close friend of hers, Nufaysah, to make an indirect approach to Muhammad. When she met him she said: "Muhammad, what is keeping you from getting married?"

He answered:" I do not have enough to meet the expense of my marriage."

She said:" What if you are not called upon to meet such expenses? What would you say to a woman of beauty, wealth and position who is willing to marry you? Would you marry her?"

He said: "Who is that woman?"

She answered: "Khadijah."

He asked: "Who can arrange such a marriage for me?"

She said: "Leave that to me."

His response was: "I will do it, willingly."

The First Marriage

When Khadijah was sure of Muhammad's reaction, she sent him a message asking him to come and see her. She said to him: "Cousin, (she used this term in the widest sense, since she was a very distant cousin of Muhammad. Their ancestry did not join until the fifth grandparent.) I admire you because of your good position among your people, your honesty and good manners, and because you are a man of your word."

She then made her proposal that they should get married. Muhammad was very pleased and went to inform his uncles, who were also very pleased with such a marriage.

Muhammad went with his uncles to meet Khadijah's uncle. Abu Talib, the Prophet's uncle, spoke on behalf of his nephew. He said:

"This nephew of mine, Muhammad ibn Abdullah, is without peers in his nobility of character and descent. If he is not wealthy, wealth is only something accidental. Money comes and goes, and many a wealthy man becomes poor. He will certainly have a great future. He is proposing marriage to your honourable daughter, Khadijah. He is giving her a dowry of such and such."

Khadijah's uncle did not hesitate to make his acceptance clear. The marriage was then concluded at a dowry of 20 young camels.

25 Happy Years

It was a happy marriage. Most biographers of the Prophet put his age at 25, saying that Khadijah was 40. Some reports suggest that the Prophet was nearer 30. Khadijah on the other hand, was reported to have been 35, or even 25. In view of the fact that she gave Muhammad six children, the report which allots her a younger age seems more accurate.

Abdullah ibn Abbas, the Prophet's cousin, who is considered to have been the most learned among the companions of the Prophet, states that she was 28 and not a day older.

Whatever their respective ages, Muhammad was to spend 25 happy years with Khadijah. The marriage gave Khadijah a man whom she could love, respect and trust. He was a most caring and loving husband who attended to his family duties with his customary seriousness. She gave him four daughters and two sons.

Although polygyny was the normal practice in Arabia , Muhammad did not have a second wife while Khadijah was alive. The marriage gave Muhammad a settled life, but the real benefit of marrying Khadijah was not fully apparent until after he began to receive his revelations and face opposition to his message from all quarters.

At that time, Khadijah's support was most valuable to Muhammad. She stood by his side, reassuring him and giving him all the comfort he needed. No matter how great his trouble when he called on his people to accept Islam, the moment he went home he was certain of a comforting welcome from his wife.

Long after her death, and when he had married several other wives, the Prophet continued to cherish Khadijah's memory.

Khadijah gave birth first to a boy who was named Al-Qasim. Four daughters then followed, named Zainab, Ruqayyah, Umm Kulthum and Fatimah. Abdullah was the last child to be born to Khadijah.

Al-Qasim lived only a few years while Abdullah died before it was time for him to be weaned. Ibrahim on the other hand, lived only 18 months.

All four daughters of the Prophet lived until after Islamic revelations started. They all accepted Islam. The first three, however, died in Madinah, while Fatimah was the only daughter of the Prophet to survive him. She died six months after his death.

# Moments of Married Love-Prophet Muhammad & Lady Aishah

We all have a certain image of lovers, a star-crossed pair, love at first sight, living happily ever after...

Normally, we associate these ideas of love with couples who meet, date, and fall head over heels for each other. Very rarely do we relate these images to married couples.

Moreover, we almost never connect this perception to Muslim couples, who marry according to purely Islamic customs. Although this link is quite rare, there actually exists an example in Islam's own history, which not only depicts this kind of love but goes far beyond it.

This is the pure, married love between the Prophet Muhammad and his beloved, Lady Aishah.

The two came together in circumstances that are a stark contrast to today's conventional love story. He was a devoted Messenger of God, embarking on the third year of prophethood; she was the daughter of his best friend and companion, Abu Bakr.

Infusing Romance

The early years of their marriage began quite innocently. Although Aishah was a young bride, she was in the standard marriageable age that the Arabian culture approved of and encourages at that time.

The clear evidence is that Aishah had already been engaged to another man before her engagement to the Prophet.

Though Aishah was ready for marriage life, the Prophet preferred to grant her extra support in her transition to life as a married woman. She carried on with the many joys of childhood and fortunate for her, as she had a husband gentle and kind enough to understand this.

Rather than throwing all the responsibilities of a wife on her at once, the Prophet made the marriage and its duties a gradual process for Aishah and ensured that she made a smooth transition into her new life. The compassionate nature with which he nurtured Aishah in her early years as a wife made a tremendous impact on the strong woman she went on to become.

As the so called "honeymoon period" between the couple came to an end, many challenges and trying moments began to arise. In the midst of all the mayhem, this blessed couple still took time out for simple fun and laughter.

Aishah fondly recalls memories of racing with the Prophet and even winning the race when she was young and fit (Ibn Al Jawzy 68).

They enjoyed these races so much that the couple even raced to the Battle of Badr which was one of the most important battles in the Islamic history.

The romance in this marriage was not limited to just fun and games. As their marriage continued, intimacy was ultimately inter-woven in their daily affairs.

They would sit and eat together and Aishah would take a sip and then the Prophet would do so from the same spot her lips touched.

She would have some meat or chicken, and then he would eat from the same spot she ate from. This is just one of many ways they infused romance and affection in even the simplest of acts. These small gestures show that in this marriage, romance was not a superficial bouquet of roses. Rather, it was natural and existed in their everyday life.

Love has several expressions. However, it is known to all and sundry that for a woman, nothing expresses love like the words a man simply speaks from his heart.

The Prophet was most forthcoming in expressing his love for Aishah and this is evident in multiple sayings (hadith) in which he publicly declares that Aishah is the most beloved to him.

Such profound love he held for his wife that he referred to her as one with the complete qualities of a believing woman. This is a clear sign of the kind of respect he held for his wife.

This respect was possible because he actually put forth the time and effort in getting to know and understand his wife enough to recommend her as an example for other women to follow.

Brilliant Student & Great Teacher

A crucial dimension to their equation was the student-teacher relationship they shared. Aishah's enthusiastic and inquisitive nature made her one of the foremost students of the Prophet.

Sent as a teacher to mankind, the Prophet implemented this role most effectively in his very own home. The Islamic virtues and way of life Aishah learned and carried out were essentially through watching the Prophet and keenly observing his behaviour and mannerisms.

He led by example and his beloved wife testifies to this in stating that the manners of the prophet were a living example of the Quran. (At-Tirmidhi)

Far from being meek and oppressed, Aishah was a woman of substance who was never afraid to stand up for truth and justice — whether that meant defending herself or her beloved husband. She participated in battles when she was able to and played whatever role she could in supporting the Prophet in his endeavours.

Surviving Hardships

Her quality of being content regardless of circumstances helped her overcome many challenges she faced as the Prophet's wife.

There was a time in the Prophet's home, when they had no fire or food for cooking and they simply lived off of dates and water. Yet Aishah went through this hardship and showed the mark of a true companion — one who can offer unrelenting support even under the most trying circumstances.

A truly dynamic woman, complete with the qualities of virtue, intelligence and even possessiveness over her husband — there was something quite distinct about Aishah which drew the Prophet so close to her.

Passing On Her Husband's Legacy

The Prophet and his beloved connected as soul mates, as he received divine revelations often when he was with her. The fact that God blessed and ordained this marriage is evident in that the Prophet confessed to Aishah that before marrying her, he saw her twice in his dreams.

Both times, Angel Gabriel carried her to him in a silk cloth and said to him, that Aishah would be his wife in this world and in the Hereafter (Al-Bukhari). Their blessed companionship came to a peaceful end after nine years, when the Prophet drew his last breath in Aishah's arms.

The Prophet's demise may have ended their companionship in this world. However, it did not put a stop to his mission nor did it end Aishah's role in carrying out her beloved's message.

It was after the Prophet's demise that one can truly see the divine purpose behind this marriage. Because she spent the most formative years of her life with the Prophet, she was able to learn and imbibe all of his teachings.

This became a tremendous asset after the Messenger passed away and was only possible because of Aishah's age. Upon his demise, Aishah's youth gave her the capacity to continue to preach Islam's message for the many years she lived thereafter.

Many companions of the Prophet and new followers of Islam would come to Lady Aishah for advice on various Islamic matters. Her contribution in relating numerous sayings of the Prophet and providing clarification on questions related to faith soon catapulted her to the status of a prominent Islamic scholar.

Aishah's role in this marriage was one that God destined in order to ensure that the teachings of Islam will be successfully transmitted to coming generations even after the Prophet passed away.

The love story between the Prophet Muhammad and Lady Aishah may not be what epic romances are made of, but it certainly provides a more realistic perception of how true love can be found within a marriage.

The sole purpose of marriage in Islam is to fulfil an individual's need for companionship and true love. Islam emphasizes and encourages this fulfilment but only within the bond of marriage.

The Prophet's marriage to Aishah shows that intimacy and romance is not necessarily limited to rosy-eyed young dating couples. This blessed couple exemplified that the true love and companionship we all seek, is entirely possible within marriage and moreover, within the Islamic way of life.

Today, this is a marriage which many may choose to slander or demean. Yet one needs only to take a look at the evidence Prophet Muhammad and Lady Aishah left behind, in the form of numerous sayings they related, which testify so dearly to the love and intimacy they shared.

The most famous love stories in this world are those that were a figment of someone's imagination. Yet this is a love which actually existed. It was a love created and destined by God himself.

# Lady Khadijah... The Unsung Heroine

Lady Khadijah is a woman who we have many fruitful lessons to learn from her life. There are different aspects of her character that each need a multi-volume book to write, let alone a small article.

Her life was rich with moral lessons from which today's husbands and wives irrespective of their race, faith and geographical locations are in dire need to adopt and embrace.

Her life before adopting Islam was also an exemplar to follow and her lifestyle was of that kind women in the 21st century ought to imitate.

Her upright character made the people of her clan call her at-Tahirah; an Arabic adjective meaning the 'chaste' or the 'pure'. Her morals as a widow were much more admired by the men of her clan, and her business was the talk of the town.

Admirable Businesswoman

Khadijah was a highly respectable business woman in her clan.

She was a very wealthy lady, and all the people of her clan were keen to marry her because of her family status and thriving business; a fact she was clever enough to realize, and hence she never succumbed to their material wishes.

In other words, she was wise enough to know her qualities and hence was better able to choose her suitable match away from any clannish pressure. Due to her inability as a single woman to travel long distances on her own in the desert trading in her properties, Khadijah used to hire men from her clan to trade in her business and to travel with her trading caravans to the Levant; purchasing and selling different commodities.

At that time, Muhammad (peace be upon him) was known for his honesty and truthfulness among the whole clan, and these good manners were the main reasons behind Khadijah's decision to hire him to trade in her business, and later on to choose him as a husband and a soul mate.

Indeed, the thriving business of lady Khadijah and her strategic planning in hiring the right man to trade in her business is an eternal lesson from which modern women ought to imitate in the course of their tired attempts in finding women champions from whose examples and rich experiences many lessons can be drawn.

The simplicity of Khadijah's example here is something that cannot pass unnoticed not only by Muslim women but by non-Muslims as well.

It Began with Business and Ended up in Marriage

Khadijah offered Muhammad a job to trade in her business on her behalf. Muhammad, on his part, showed remarkable success in his new job because of the transparency he adopted in his trading job with the business lady, and his experience in the field as a tradesman who successfully led many business trips to the Levant.

In her business trips, Khajidah appointed Maysarah (one of her servants) as an assistant to Muhammad in his new job, and through talking to her servant, she was assured of Muhammad's transparency and honesty in handling her business.

It is no wonder after all to see Khadijah talking to her lady friend, Nafisah, about her interest in Muhammad. Nafisah went straight to the Prophet and implicitly mentioned lady Khadijah. The Prophet got so interested and decided to ask for her hand in marriage.

Now, the prestigious and high-born lady is offering herself in marriage after she became pretty sure that this person she is proposing to marry will never think of her as a rich businesswoman, but as a woman worthy of company and warm marriage relationship.

It is an aspect of Khadijah's character worthy of contemplation and remembrance. It is a moral lesson for both non-Muslims and new Muslims to learn from and adopt in their daily lives.

A very prestigious lady offering to marry a man who once used to trade in her business after she has tested his manners and character. What a moral lesson worthy of contemplation in today's life where marriages have turned into business deals and where real love is becoming rare.

Once she found her perfect match, Khadijah was not hesitant to offer herself and unfold her love in a dignified manner that, although was not quite common among her people, but still it was very respectable.

The happy couple, Muhammad and Khadijah, concluded the marriage ceremony and it has been narrated that Muhammad offered Khadijah a dowry worthy of her respectable status in that time. The happy couple moved forward until a turning point in their lives took place.

Indeed, Muhammad-Khadijah's marriage here is a telling example on its own of how far Islam empowers women to select their suitable matches while being free from any family pressure and worn-out traditions that in many times stand as stumbling blocks in the face of happy marriages.

Here, Khadijah chose her 'Mr. Right' on her own using sound criteria that although somewhat driven by human inclinations but yet has its undeniable and fair share of a marriage choice that is mainly based on reason and rationale.

Selecting her partner herself is an experience girls in 21st century can benefit from once they apply the same rules their head figure Khadijah once followed.

Khadijah: The First Female Muslim

Soon after getting married, Muhammad was ordered by God to carry out his duty as a Messenger to the whole of mankind.

It was in the Cave Hira' that he received the first revelation. It might be out of context to mention the minute details of how and when Muhammad received the revelation, but what matters here is how his beloved wife Khadijah comforted and reassured him when he returned home after he received the first divine revelation.

Trembling of awe as a result of the revelation he received, Muhammad returned home, and told his wife what happened. Hearing him, she comforted his soul with outstanding courage saying:

'By God, He will never forsake you. You extend ties of kinship, say the truth, help the weak, show generosity to guests, and strive hard to apply justice.'

We haven't witnessed a woman ever assuring her husband in the same way Khadijah did. She managed to reassure her husband in the right time and she instantly sought practical ways to achieve that by visiting her cousin Waraqah who had knowledge of the People of the Book.

Later on, Waraqah appeased Muhammad's heart that this experience he witnessed is shared only by Prophets and Messengers of God. It has been reported that Khadijah was the first to proclaim her Islam.

She embraced Islam with no introduction or even a brief inquiry about the new religion. The word hesitation finds no place in her dictionary after she had witnessed her husband granted the honour of divine revelation directly from God.

It is really rare to trace back how she became a Muslimah, but a great number of Muslim historians state that she was the first member from among both men and women to declare faith in Allah and His Messenger.

Others state that she was the first female to adopt Islam. This latter view is the most famous one and it is the one followed by the greatest majority of Muslims. Khadijah lived as a very loyal and supporting wife to her husband (i.e. Muhammad) for more than nine years after the beginning of the revelation. She supported the Islamic mission with her money and was a source of comfort for her husband.

She respected her husband's meditations before the revelations were sent to him, and later she supported him as a leader in his community.

It is through this attitude of Khadijah that modern women, irrespective of their faith, race, or location can draw fruitful lessons taking Khadijah's way of treatment to Muhammad as an exemplar.

Modern women, who at many times tend to start a perfect life may yearn to have a luxurious lifestyle and once they face the hardship of reality, they may fail to face the first test. Hence, learning from the heroine figure of Khadijah is necessary. She stood behind her husband in his stressful moments, shared his sorrow before his happiness, bore his burden before enjoying the moments of ease together.

Muhammad's Love to Khadijah

Khadijah's Islam alleviated Muhammad's suffering, and assured him the tranquillity he was in need of at home. Khadijah played a great role in granting her husband the necessary courage he had to adopt in order to face both physical and psychological sufferings as a result of his divine mission.

It is a role today's modern wives ought to learn from Khadijah in order to help their husbands cope with modern challenges that threat the institution of family and threaten to target its very roots.

Muhammad remained loyal to Khadijah a long time after her death, and it has been reported that he called the year she died as the 'Year of Grief.'

He used to praise her a lot in the presence of his other wives to the extent that his wife 'Aishah said: "I have never felt jealous from any woman except Khadijah."

The Prophet used to mention her qualities a lot saying: "She (Khadijah) believed in me while others rejected my call. She affirmed my truthfulness when people called me a liar. She spent her wealth to lighten the burden of my sorrow when others had forsaken me." (At-Tirmidhi) Muhammad even continued to honour her friends a long time after her death as a sign of showing gratitude to her.

The Beloved Wife Passing Away

According to some Muslim historians, Khadijah died during the month of Ramadan before the year of Muhammad's emigration to Madinah on the 'Year of Grief.'

Muhammad was badly affected as a result of his wife's death and it has been reported that he said while seeing his beloved dying: "How heavy it is on myself to see such a scene."

He stayed many days in his home overwhelmed by sadness for the death of Khadijah, the loyal and obedient wife with whom he stayed twenty five years in love, dedication, patience, and commitment.

Finally, Khadijah's story of adopting Islam as a religion and as a way of life remains a new living story from which men and women will continue to have spiritual provision along the course of centuries.

Khadijah is a telling example by herself as a non-believing lady who lived by morals and principles, as a wife who stood by her husband in difficult times, as a believer who showed no hesitation to accept the truth, and as a supporter to her new belief with different forms of personal sacrifices. Her example is one worthy of contemplation and imitation by young women in our modern societies.

# What Lies Beneath... The Prophet's Marriages

Some critics of Islam, either because they are unaware of the facts or are biased, revile the Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him), as a self-indulgent libertine.

They accuse him of character failings that are hardly compatible with a person of an average virtue, let alone with the Prophet, whom Muslims believe to be God's last Messenger, and the best model for humanity to emulate.

A simple account of these marriages, which are openly discussed in many biographies and well-authenticated accounts of his sayings and actions, shows that they were part of a most strictly disciplined life, and another burden that he bore as God's last Messenger.

The Prophet entered into these marriages due to his role as the Muslims' leader and guide toward Islamic norms and values. We will explain some of the reasons behind his marriages and demonstrate that the charges are baseless and false.

The Prophet married his first wife, Khadijah, when he was 25 and had not yet been called to his future mission. Given the surrounding cultural environment, not to mention the climate, his youth, and other considerations, it is remarkable that he enjoyed a reputation for perfect chastity, integrity, and trustworthiness.

As soon as he was called to prophethood, he acquired enemies who slandered him. However, none dared to invent something unbelievable. It is important to realize that his life was founded upon chastity and self-discipline from the outset, and remained so.

When he was 25 and in his prime, Prophet Muhammad, married Khadijah, a woman 15 years his senior. For 23 years, the couple lived a life of uninterrupted contentment in perfect fidelity.

In the eighth year of his prophethood, however, Khadijah died and the Prophet had to face raising his children by himself. Even his enemies had to admit that during all these years they could find no flaw in his moral character.

The Prophet took no other wife while Khadijah was alive, although polygyny was socially acceptable. He remarried only after he was 55, an age by which very little real interest and desire for marriage remains. The allegation that these marriages were due to licentiousness or self-indulgence is thus groundless and without merit.

People often ask how a Prophet can be polygamous. There are three points to be made here. But first, let's recognize that those who continually raise such questions are atheists, Christians, or Jews who do not have accurate knowledge of either Islam and religion in general, and so, either deliberately or mistakenly, confuse right with wrong to deceive others and spread doubt.

Jews and Christians who attack the Prophet forget that the great patriarchs of the Hebrew race, named as prophets in the Bible and the Quran and revered by followers of all three faiths as exemplars of moral excellence, all practiced polygyny — and on a far greater scale than Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him).

Here we remember the words of Isaac Taylor, who spoke at the Church Congress of England, on how Islam changes the people who accept it:

The virtues which Islam inculcates are temperance, cleanliness, chastity, justice, fortitude, courage, benevolence, hospitality, veracity and resignation.... Islam preaches a practical brotherhood, the social equality of all Muslims. Slavery is not part of the creed of Islam. Polygyny is a more difficult question. Moses did not prohibit it. It was practiced by David and it is not directly forbidden in the New Testament. Muhammad limited the unbounded license of polygyny. It is the exception rather than the rule.

Polygyny did not originate with the Muslims. Furthermore, in the case of the Prophet, from the viewpoint of its function within the mission of prophethood, polygyny had far more significance than people generally realize.

In a sense, polygyny was a necessity for the Prophet for through it he established the statutes and norms of Muslim family law. Religion cannot be excluded from private spousal relations or from matters known only by one's spouse.

Therefore, there must be women who can give clear instruction and advice, rather than hints and innuendoes, so that everything is understood. These chaste and virtuous women conveyed and explained the norms and rules governing Muslim private life.

Since these women were of all ages, the Islamic requirements and norms could be portrayed in relation to their different life stages and experiences. These provisions were learned and applied within the Prophet's household first, and then passed on to other Muslims by his wives.

Each wife was from a different clan or tribe. This allowed the Prophet, to establish bonds of kinship and affinity throughout the community. As a result, a profound attachment to him spread among many diverse people, thereby creating and securing equality, brotherhood, and sisterhood in a most practical way and on the basis of religion.

Each wife, both during the Prophet's life and after his death, was of great benefit and service to Islam. Each one conveyed and interpreted his message to her clan: all of the outer and inner experiences, qualities, manners, and faith of the man whose life, in all its public and intimate details, embodied the Quran.

In this way, all clan members learned about the Quran, Hadith, tafsir (interpretation and commentary on the Qur'an), and fiqh (understanding of the Islamic law), and so became fully aware of Islam's essence and spirit.

Polygyny also allowed Prophet Muhammad to establish ties of kinship throughout Arabia . As a result, he was free to move and be accepted as a member in each family, for their members regarded him as one of their own.

Given such a relationship, they were not shy to ask him directly about the affairs of this life and the Hereafter. The tribes also benefited collectively from this proximity, considered themselves fortunate, and took pride in that relationship. Some of these tribes were the Umayyads (through Umm Habibah), the Hashimites (through Zainab bint Jahsh), and the Banu Makhzum (through Umm Salama).

What we have said so far is general and could, in some respects, be true of all Prophets. In the second part we will discuss the lives of the Prophet's wives, known to Muslims as the mothers of the believers, not in the order of the marriages but in a different perspective.

# The life of Aishah - a role model for all women

The life of Aishah is proof that a woman can be far more learned than men and that she can be the teacher of scholars and experts. Her life is also proof that a woman can exert influence over men and women and provide them with inspiration and leadership . Her life is also proof that the same woman can be totally feminine and be a source of pleasure, joy and comfort to her husband.

She did not graduate from any university there were no universities as such in her day. But still her utterances are studied in faculties of literature, her legal pronouncements are studied in colleges of law and her life and works are studied and researched by students and teachers of Muslim history as they have been for over a thousand years.

The bulk of her vast treasure of knowledge was obtained while she was still quite young. In her early childhood she was brought up by her father who was greatly liked and respected for he was a man of wide knowledge, gentle manners and an agreeable presence. Moreover he was the closest friend of the noble Prophet who was a frequent visitor to their home since the very early days of his mission.

In her youth, already known for her striking beauty and her formidable memory, she came under the loving care and attention of the Prophet himself. As his wife and close companion she acquired from him knowledge and insight such as no woman has ever acquired.

Aishah became the Prophet's wife in Makkah when she was most likely in the tenth year of her life but her wedding did not take place until the second year after the Hijrah when she was about fourteen or fifteen years old. Before and after her wedding she maintained a natural jollity and innocence and did not seem at all overawed by the thought of being wedded to him who was the Messenger of God whom all his companions, including her own mother and father, treated with such love and reverence as they gave to no one else.

About her wedding, she related that shortly before she was to leave her parent's house, she slipped out into the courtyard to play with a passing friend:

"I was playing on a see-saw and my long streaming hair was dishevelled," she said. "They came and took me from my play and made me ready."

They dressed her in a wedding-dress made from fine red-striped cloth from Bahrain and then her mother took her to the newly-built house where some women of the Ansar were waiting outside the door. They greeted her with the words "For good and for happiness s may all be well!" Then, in the presence of the smiling Prophet, a bowl of milk was brought. The Prophet drank from it himself and offered it to Aishah. She shyly declined it but when he insisted she did so and then offered the bowl to her sister Asma who was sitting beside her. Others also drank of it and that was as much as there was of the simple and solemn occasion of their wedding. There was no wedding feast.

Marriage to the Prophet did not change her playful ways. Her young friends came regularly to visit her in her own apartment.

"I would be playing with my dolls," she said, "with the girls who were my friends, and the Prophet would come in and they would slip out of the house and he would go out after them and bring them back, for he was pleased for my sake to have them there.

"Sometimes he would say "Stay where you are" before they had time to leave, and would also join in their games. Aishah said: "One day, the Prophet came in when I was playing with the dolls and he said: 'O Aishah, whatever game is this?' 'It is Solomon's horses,' I said and he laughed." Sometimes as he came in he would screen himself with his cloak so as not to disturb Aishah and her friends.

Aishah's early life in Madinah also had its more serious and anxious times. Once her malafather and two companions who were staying with him fell ill with a dangerous fever which was common in Madinah at certain seasons. One morning Aishah went to visit him and was dismayed to find the three men lying completely weak and exhausted. She asked her father how he was and he answered her in verse but she did not understand what he was saying. The two others also answered her with lines of poetry which seemed to her to be nothing but unintelligible babbling. She was deeply troubled and went home to the Prophet saying:

"They are raving, out of their minds, through the heat of the fever." The Prophet asked what they had said and was somewhat reassured when she repeated almost word for word the lines they had uttered and which made sense although she did not fully understand them then. This was a demonstration of the great retentive power of her memory which as the years went by were to preserve so many of the priceless sayings of the Prophet.

Of the Prophet's wives in Madinah, it was clear that it was Aishah that he loved most. From time to time, one or the other of his companions would ask:

"O Messenger of God, whom do you love most in the world?" He did not always give the same answer to this question for he felt great love for many for his daughters and their children, for Abu Bakr, for Ali, for Zayd and his son Usamah. But of his wives t he only one he named in this connection was Aishah. She too loved him greatly in return and often would seek reassurance from him that he loved her. Once she asked him: "How is your love for me?"

"Like the rope's knot," he replied meaning that it was strong and secure. And time after time thereafter, she would ask him: "How is the knot?" and he would reply: "Ala haaliha in the same condition."

As she loved the Prophet so was her love a jealous love and she could not bear the thought that the Prophet's attentions should be given to others more than seemed enough to her. She asked him:

"O Messenger of God, tell me of yourself. If you were between the two slopes of a valley, one of which had not been grazed whereas the other had been grazed, on which would you pasture your flocks?"

"On that which had not been grazed," replied the Prophet. "Even so," she said, "and I am not as any other of your wives. "Everyone of them had a husband before you, except myself." The Prophet smiled and said nothing. Of her jealousy, Aishah would say in later years:

"I was not, jealous of any other wife of the Prophet as I was jealous of Khadijah, because of his constant mentioning of her and because God had commanded him to give her good tidings of a mansion in Paradise of precious stones. And whenever he sacrifice d a sheep he would send a fair portion of it to those who had been her intimate friends. Many a time I said to him: "It is as if there had never been any other woman in the world except Khadijah."

Once, when Aishah complained and asked why he spoke so highly of "an old Quraysh woman", the Prophet was hurt and said: "She was the wife who believed in me when others rejected me. When people gave me the lie, she affirmed my truthfulness. When I stood forsaken, she spent her wealth to lighten the burden of my sorrow.."

Despite her feelings of jealousy which nonetheless were not of a destructive kind, Aishah was really a generous soul and a patient one. She bore with the rest of the Prophet's household poverty and hunger which often lasted for long periods. For days on end no fire would be lit in the sparsely furnished house of the Prophet for cooking or baking bread and they would live merely on dates and water. Poverty did not cause her distress or humiliation; self-sufficiency when it did come did not corrupt her style of life.

Once the Prophet stayed away from his wives for a month because they had distressed him by asking of him that which he did not have. This was after the Khaybar expedition when an increase of riches whetted the appetite for presents. Returning from his self-imposed retreat, he went first to Aishah's apartment. She was delighted to see him but he said he had received Revelation which required him to put two options before her. He then recited the verses:

"O Prophet! Say to your wives: If you desire the life of this world and its adornments, then come and I will bestow its goods upon you, and I will release you with a fair release. But if you desire God and His Messenger and the abode of the Hereafter, then verily God has laid in store for you an immense reward for such as you who do good."

Aishah's reply was:

"Indeed I desire God and His Messenger and the abode of the Hereafter," and her response was followed by all the others.

She stuck to her choice both during the lifetime of the Prophet and afterwards. Later when the Muslims were favoured with enormous riches, she was given a gift of one hundred thousand dirhams. She was fasting when she received the money and she distributed the entire amount to the poor and the needy even though she had no provisions in her house. Shortly after, a maidservant said to her: "Could you buy meat for a dirham with which to break your fast?"

"If I had remembered, I would have done so," she said. The Prophet's affection for Aishah remained to the last. During his final illness, it was to Aishah's apartment that he went at the suggestion of his wives. For much of the time he lay there on a couch with his head resting on her breast or on her lap. She it was who took a tooth stick from her brother, chewed upon it to soften it and gave it to the Prophet. Despite his weakness, he rubbed his teeth with it vigorously. Not long afterwards, he lost consciousness and Aishah thought it was the onset of death, but after an hour he opened his eyes.

Aishah it is who has preserved for us these dying moments of the most honoured of God's creation, His beloved Messenger may He shower His choicest blessings on him.

When he opened his eyes again, Aishah remembered Iris having said to her: "No Prophet is taken by death until he has been shown his place in Paradise and then offered the choice, to live or die."

"He will not now choose us," she said to herself. Then she heard him murmur: "With the supreme communion in Paradise, with those upon whom God has showered His favour, the Prophets, the martyrs and the righteous..." Again she heard him murmur: "O Lord, with the supreme communion," and these were the last words she heard him speak. Gradually his head grew heavier upon her breast, until others in the room began to lament, and Aishah laid his head on a pillow and joined them in lamentation.

In the floor of Aishah's room near the couch where he was lying, a grave was dug in which was buried the Seal of the Prophets amid much bewilderment and great sorrow.

Aishah lived on almost fifty years after the passing away of the Prophet. She had been his wife for a decade. Much of this time was spent in learning and acquiring knowledge of the two most important sources of God's guidance, the Quran and the Sunnah of His Prophet. Aishah was one of three wives (the other two being Hafsah and Umm Salamah) who memorized the Revelation. Like Hafsah, she had her own script of the Quran written after the Prophet had died.

So far as the Ahadith or sayings of the Prophet is concerned, Aishah is one of four persons (the others being Abu Hurayrah, Abdullah ibn Umar, and Anas ibn Malik) who transmitted more than two thousand sayings. Many of these pertain to some of the most intimate aspects of personal behaviour which only someone in Aishah's position could have learnt. What is most important is that her knowledge of hadith was passed on in written form by at least three persons including her nephew Urwah who became one of the greatest scholars among the generation after the Companions.

Many of the learned companions of the Prophet and their followers benefitted from Aishah's knowledge. Abu Musa al-Ashari once said: "If we companions of the Messenger of God had any difficulty on a matter, we asked Aishah about it."

Her nephew Urwah asserts that she was proficient not only in fiqh but also in medicine (tibb) and poetry. Many of the senior companions of the Prophet came to her to ask for advice concerning questions of inheritance which required a highly skilled mathematical mind. Scholars regard her as one of the earliest fuqaha of Islam along with persons like Umar ibn al-Khattab, Ali and Abdullah ibn Abbas. The Prophet referring to her extensive knowledge of Islam is reported to have said: "Learn a portion of your religion (din) from this red colored lady." "Humayra" meaning "Red-coloured" was an epithet given to Aishah by the Prophet.

Aishah not only possessed great knowledge but took an active part in education and social reform. As a teacher she had a clear and persuasive manner of speech and her power of oratory has been described in superlative terms by al-Ahnaf who said: "I have heard speeches of Abu Bakr and Umar, Uthman and Ali and the Khulafa up to this day, but I have not heard speech more persuasive and more beautiful from the mouth of any person than from the mouth of Aishah."

Men and women came from far and wide to benefit from her knowledge. The number of women is said to have been greater than that of men. Besides answering enquiries, she took boys and girls, some of them orphans, into her custody and trained them under her care and guidance. This was in addition to her relatives who received instruction from her. Her house thus became a school and an academy.

Some of her students were outstanding. We have already mentioned her nephew Urwah as a distinguished reporter of hadith. Among her women pupils is the name of Umrah bint Abdur Rahman. She is regarded by scholars as one of the trustworthy narrators of hadith and is said to have acted as Aishah's secretary receiving and replying to letters addressed to her. The example of Aishah in promoting education and in particular the education of Muslim women in the laws and teachings of Islam is one which needs to be followed.

After Khadijah and Fatimah az-Zahra, Aishah as-Siddiqah (the one who affirms the Truth) is regarded as the best woman in Islam. Because of the strength of her personality, she was a leader in every field in knowledge, in society, in politics and in war. She often regretted her involvement in war but lived long enough to regain position as the most respected woman of her time. She died in the year 58 AH in the month of Ramadan and as she instructed, was buried in the Jannat al-Baqi in the City of Light, beside other companions of the Prophet.

# Ideals and Role Models for Women in Qur'an, Hadith and Sirah

Exhibitions portray ideals: all that is best in a person's work, a society, a period of artistic endeavour and so on. A talk at an exhibition should do the same, so I shall begin by putting forward the ideals of Islam concerning women, and their role models. I shall show how these ideals are set forth in the Qur'an, which Muslims consider to be the revealed word of God - Allah - in the Arabic language, and also refer to the Hadith and Sunnah, the reports of the sayings and the model practice of the Prophet Muhammad*. These two sources make up the basis for the Islamic law, Shari'ah, the body of legislation and moral guidance constructed by the Muslim scholars. Although the Qur'an is taken as unchallengeable, each Hadith is open to well-founded scholarly question as to its authenticity; and the interpretations given to the Qur'an and Hadith, which frequently result in differences of opinion, are open to still further questioning. The many different opinions expressed by the scholars give latitude to Muslims to choose between them to find acceptable guidelines. The Islamic law is not as monolithic and unchangeable as it might appear, although it does have a base of absolutes on which to stand.

This preamble is important with regard to women in Islam, because it has often been observed by Muslim scholars that the Islamic family law as practised in some Muslim countries bears little resemblance to the liberating and sympathetic treatment of women pioneered by the Prophet Muhammad himself (pbuh). Even Mawdudi, considered by some to be among the most conservative of modern Islamic revivalist commentators, Abul A'la Mawdudi, has criticisms to make of the why Indian Muslim law has been practised1. So it is important to distinguish between current, or even past practice, and the spirit of the law - the ideals as laid down by Allah in the Qur'an and exemplified by the Prophet Muhammad*. Most modern writers on Women in Islam are agreed that it is vital to go back to these original sources and reinterpret them in the context of the societies in which we all live now in order to clear up corruptions which have been incorporated into the laws, both from indigenous cultural sources and European colonialist efforts to, as they thought, `reform' the Shari'ah. So it is to these original sources, the Qur'an and Hadith, that I shall mainly refer.

The Qur'an has much to say both ABOUT women, and TO women. One Surah is called `Women', another is named after Maryam the mother of Jesus (pbuh). Women appear in many other parts. In stories of the prophets we have

\- Hawwa (Eve) the wife of Adam, no longer the temptress who leads Adam to sin but a partner jointly responsible with him and jointly forgiven by Allah soon afterwards.

\- There is the wife of Nuh (Noah) (pbuh) who betrays her husband and is held up along with the wife of Lot as an example of a disbeliever (66:10-11).

\- There is the wife of Ibrahim, who laughs at the news the angel brings, of the baby she is to have in her old age;

\- the wife of Pharaoh, who saves the infant Musa (Moses) (pbuh) and, along with Maryam, mother of Jesus, is one of the two female examples of the good believer held up in Surah 66:10 & 11.

\- The wife of Aziz, who tried to seduce Yusuf (Joseph), is nevertheless treated with some sympathy, when she shows her friends how handsome he is and they all cut themselves with their knives because they are distracted by his beauty;

and there are more women besides.

It is noteworthy that the four women I have mentioned as examples are presented to both male and female Muslims to show how it is possible to be true believers in difficult circumstances, and disbelievers in favourable circumstances.

\- The two good examples believed in spite of the attitudes of those close to them, Pharaoh's wife saving Moses from her husband's wicked command to kill all the Hebrew firstborn sons, and Maryam confronting accusations of immorality when she brought home her baby after the virgin birth.

\- The two bad ones disbelieved in spite of being married to prophets of Allah. In neither case do these examples show the traditional picture of the `submissive' woman.

Then there are the contemporary women of the Prophet's household, his wives and daughters. One of his wives, Umm Salamah, complained to him that the Qur'an was addressed only to men, and then a long passage was revealed to the Prophet* addressed clearly to men and women in every line, which states clearly the equal responsibilities and rewards for Muslim men and women.

For Muslim men and women - for believing men and women, for devout men and women, for true men and women, for men and women who are patient and constant, for men and women who humble themselves, for men and women who give in charity, for men and women who fast (and deny themselves), for men and women who guard their chastity, and for men and women who engage much in God's praise - for them has God prepared forgiveness and great reward.

(Qur'an 33:35)

Aishah, his youngest wife, caused a scandal when she went out into the desert to look for a necklace she had lost there and got left behind by the caravan. She was rescued by a young man and came back with him and rumours spread that she had been dallying with him. This caused great pain to her and to the Prophet and it was a long time before they were relieved by another revelation (24:4), demanding that people making such accusations against chaste women must produce four eye witnesses to the act or suffer a flogging themselves and have their evidence rejected ever after.

There are passages specifically addressed to the wives of the Prophet as a group. For example:

O Consorts of the Prophet! Ye are not like any of the (other) women. If ye do fear (Allah) be not too complaisant of speech, lest one in whose heart is a disease should be moved with desire, but speak ye a speech (that is) just.

And stay quietly in your houses, and make not a dazzling display, like those of the former times of ignorance, and establish regular prayer, and give zakat (welfare due) and obey Allah and His Messenger. And Allah only wishes to remove all abomination from you, ye members of the family, and to make you pure and spotless.

And recite what is rehearsed to you in your houses of the Signs of Allah and His Wisdom, for Allah is All-Subtle, All-Aware.

Qur'an 33:32-34

Other passages are addressed via the Prophet to his wives, daughters and the women of the believers.

Still others were revealed in answer to questions from ordinary women, like the one concerning the practice of divorce by abstinence within the marriage (zihar). A woman complained to the Prophet about this practice, which left the woman with no sexual satisfaction, but still not free to marry another husband and a verse was revealed condemning this practice.

Allah has indeed heard (and accepted) the statement of the woman who pleads with thee concerning her husband and carries her complaint (in prayer) to Allah...

Qur'an 58:1

Another passage was revealed in answer to a woman's complaint about the way her husband wanted to have intercourse with her (2:223).

So the Qur'an is a book which has a lot to say TO women and ABOUT women. What does it say? We have already seen that it does not condemn all women in the image of Eve as Christianity has been known to do; that it is often on the side of women who complain about injustice, in marriage, divorce and in false accusation. How does it view the creation of woman? Is she just a part of Adam and an afterthought? This is what it says, in the first ayah (verse) of Surat an-Nisa - The Women:

O Mankind, be conscious of your duty to your Lord Who created you from a single soul, and from it created its mate (of the same kind) and from them twain has spread a multitude of men and women.

Qur'an 4:1

`A single soul' is neither male nor female, although it could be understood to mean Adam it is not necessarily so. In fact `soul' is feminine and `mate' is masculine! Not that I'm suggesting that women came first, because in other parts of the Qur'an the creation of Adam is described. But the gender relationship here is ambivalent. And the mate was created from the `soul' not the humble `rib'. No Muslim scholar could ever argue, after reading this, as some Christians have done, that women do not have a soul! They are made of the same soul as men. Their capacity for good and evil is identical with that of men. In 49:13, of the Qur'an we find that it is good deeds and awareness of Allah which make the believer, male or female, noble in the sight of Allah:

Indeed the noblest of you in the sight of Allah is the most pious.

and in 40:40:

Whoever does right, whether male or female, (all) such will enter the garden

The works of male and female are of equal value and each will receive the due reward for what they do:

Never will I suffer to be lost the work of any one of you, male or female...

Qur'an 3:195

Whoever works righteousness, man or woman, and has faith, verily to him will We give a new life that is good and pure, and We will bestow on such their reward according to their actions.

Qur'an 16:97

The same duties are incumbent on men and women as regards their faith:

For Muslim men and women - for believing men and women, for devout men and women, for true men and women, for men and women who are patient and constant, for men and women who humble themselves, for men and women who give in charity, for men and women who fast (and deny themselves), for men and women who guard their chastity, and for men and women who engage much in God's praise - for them has God prepared forgiveness and great reward.

(Qur'an 33:35)

There are a few exceptions: women are given exemption from some duties,

\- Fasting when they are pregnant or nursing or menstruating,

\- Praying when menstruating or bleeding after childbirth, and

\- The obligation to attend congregational prayers in the mosque on Fridays.

\- They are not obliged to take part as soldiers in the defence of Islam, although they are not forbidden to do so.

But under normal circumstances they are allowed to do all the things that men do.

\- Even when they are menstruating, on special days, like the two Id festivals, they are still allowed to come to the Id prayers, and menstruating women can take part in most of the actions of the Hajj pilgrimage.

But are women's duties in social life different and complementary as most scholars assert? Is their sole function to keep house and bear and rear children while the men do everything else? Does the fact that they suffer disruption to their health when they menstruate make them unsuitable for any job outside the house, and fit only to maintain a happy and peaceful home, as Mawdudi would have us believe? This is an argument that is grossly exaggerated by male scholars everywhere to justify all kinds of discrimination against women. Mawdudi would have us believe that women scarcely enjoy a few days' sanity in their lives, so disruptive are the effects of menstruation and childbearing. No doubt there is some truth in his description of such disruption, and allowances should be made by men, and other women for this, but this does not disqualify women from any task that men can do any more than it disqualifies them from creating happy and well-run homes.

Nor is there any basis in the Qur'an or hadith for such an attitude. The Qur'an mentions menstruation in 2:222:

They ask thee concerning women's courses. Say: `They are a hurt and a pollution, so keep away from women in their courses, and do not approach them until they are clean. But when they have purified themselves, ye may approach them as ordained for you by Allah.'

According to the interpreters of Islamic law, this means only that sexual intercourse is not allowed at such times, but any other form of intimacy is still permissible. To put it briefly, menstruation may be messy and painful but it is not a major disability.

Islamic law makes no demand that women should confine themselves to household duties. In fact the early Muslim women were found in all walks of life. The first wife of the Prophet, mother of all his surviving children, was a businesswoman who hired him as an employee, and proposed marriage to him through a third party; women traded in the marketplace, and the Khalifah Umar, not normally noted for his liberal attitude to women, appointed a woman, Shaff'a Bint Abdullah, to supervise the market. Other women, like Laila al-Ghifariah, took part in battles , carrying water and nursing the wounded, some, like Suffiah bint Abdul Muttalib even fought and killed the enemies to protect themselves and the Prophet* and like Umm Dhahhak bint Masoud were rewarded with booty in the same way as the men. Ibn Jarir and al-Tabari siad that women can be appointed to a judicial position to adjudicate in all matters, although Abu Hanifah excluded them from such weighty decisions as those involving the heavy hadd and qisas punishments, and other jurists said that women could not be judges at all. The Qur'an even speaks favourably of the Queen of Sheba and the way she consulted her advisors, who deferred to her good judgement on how to deal with the threat of invasion by the armies of Solomon. (Qur'an 27:32-35):

She (the Queen of Sheba) said, `O chiefs, advise me respecting my affair; I never decide an affair until you are in my presence.' They said, `We are possessors of strength and possessors of mighty prowess, and the command is thine, so consider what thou wilt command.' She said, `Surely the kings, when they enter a town, ruin it and make the noblest of its people to be low, and thus they do. And surely I am going to send them a present, and to see what (answer) the messengers bring back.'

Women have sometimes headed Islamic provinces , like Arwa bint Ahmad, who served as governor of Yemen under the Fatimid Khalifahs in the late fifth and early sixth century.

A much vaunted hadith that the Prophet said, `A people who entrust power to a woman will never prosper', has been shown to be extremely unreliable on several counts. It is an isolated and uncorroborated one, and therefore not binding in Islamic law, and in addition there is reason to believe it may have been forged in the context of the battle which Aishah the Prophet's widow led against the fourth Khalifah Ali. In view of the examples set by women rulers in history, it is also clearly untenable and false.

To sum up, the qualifications of women for work of all kinds are not in doubt, despite some spurious ahadith to the contrary. Women can do work like men, but they DO NOT HAVE to do it to earn a living . They are allowed and encouraged to take the duties of marriage and motherhood seriously and are provided with the means to stay at home and do it properly.

The Muslim woman has always had the right to own and manage her own property , a right that women in this country only attained in the last 100 years. Marriage in Islam does not mean that the man takes over the woman's property, nor does she automatically have the right to all his property if he dies intestate. Both are still regarded as individual people with responsibilities to other members of their family - parents, brothers, sisters etc. and inheritance rights illustrate this.

The husband has the duty to support and maintain the wife, as stated in the Qur'an, and this is held to be so even if she is rich in her own right . He has no right to expect her to support herself, let alone support his children or him. If she does contribute to the household income this is regarded as a charitable deed on her part.

Because of their greater financial responsibilities, some categories of male relations, according to the inheritance laws in the Qur'an, inherit twice the share of their female equivalents, but others, whose responsibilities are likely to be less, inherit the same share -mothers and fathers, for instance are each entitled to one sixth of the estate of their children, after bequests (up to one third of the estate) and payment of debts. (Qur'an 4:11):

For parents a sixth share of the inheritance to each if the deceased left children;

If no children, and the parents are the (only) heirs, the mother has a third; if the deceased left brothers (or sisters) the mother has a sixth...

Women are thus well provided for: their husbands support them, and they inherit from all their relations. They are allowed to engage in business or work at home or outside the house, so long as the family does not suffer, and the money they make is their own, with no calls on it from other people until their death.

Nor are women expected to do the housework. If they have not been used to doing it, the husband is obliged to provide domestic help within his means, and to make sure that the food gets to his wife and children, already cooked. The Prophet* himself used to help with the domestic work, and mended his own shoes. Women are not even obliged in all cases to suckle their own children. If a divorcing couple mutually agree, they can send the baby to a wet-nurse and the husband must pay for the suckling. If the mother decides to keep the baby and suckle it herself, he must pay her for her trouble!

This is laid down in the Qur'an itself, (2:233):

The mothers shall give suck to their offspring for two whole years, if the father desires to complete the term, but he shall bear the cost of their food and clothing on equitable terms...If they both decide on weaning, by mutual consent, and after due consultation, there is no blame on them. If ye decide on a foster-mother for your offspring, there is no blame on you, provided ye pay what ye offered on equitable terms ...

What basis does all this leave for the male attitude that women are only fit for maternal and household duties?

Nevertheless the womanly state in marriage is given full respect in Islam, and so are the rights of children. No Muslim woman could feel ashamed to say she was only a housewife. She is the head of her household, although the husband has the final say in major decisions. According to a hadith:

The ruler is a shepherd and is responsible for his subjects, a husband is a shepherd and is responsible for his family, a wife is a shepherd and is responsible for her household, and a servant is a shepherd who is responsible for his master's property.

Hadith: Bukhari

The wife must defer to her husband in respect for the fact that he maintains and protects her out of his means (Qur'an 4:34), but not if he tries to make her break the laws of Allah. Likewise children's obedience and respect for parents goes only to the limits set by Allah. If the parents try to make them disobey Allah, then it is their duty to disobey the parents. If the husband wilfully fails to maintain his wife, she has the right to divorce him in court.

Women are also entitled to respect as mothers: Allah says in the Qur'an (31:14):

And we have enjoined on man (to be good to his parents: in travail upon travail did his mother bear him...

The Prophet* said:

Paradise lies at the feet of mothers...

and in another hadith the Prophet* told a man that his mother above all other people, even his father, was worthy of his highest respect and compassion.

In cases of divorce, the mother has first claim to custody of the young children, followed by other female members of her family, if she remarries or is unable to look after the children. The right reverts to the husband's family only after the children reach an age of greater independence, which varies according to the school of law, and then the wishes of the child must be taken into consideration, if the example of the Prophet* is to be followed. In a disputed case, he asked the child:

This is your father and this is your mother, so take whichever of them you wish by the hand.

Hadith: Abu Dawud, Nasa'i, Darimi

The boy went to his mother.

In another case a woman approached the Prophet telling him that her husband had embraced Islam while she had refused to do so, adding that her daughter was being deprived of mother's milk as her father was taking her away. The Prophet made the child sit between mother and father and said both of them should call her. The child would go to whoever she chose. The child responded to the mother. The Prophet prayed to Allah to guide the child and the child then chose the father, and hence Rafi (the father) took the child (Hadith: Abu Dawud)3

Yet in this country it is still a novelty to give the child such rights.

Although the Islamic marriage contract is a civil agreement between the two parties , not a sacrament like the Christian one, it is not just a relationship of material convenience. The words used to describe marriage in the Qur'an are poetic and beautiful:

And among His signs is this: that He created for you mates from among yourselves, that ye may dwell in tranquillity with them, and He has put love and mercy between your hearts, verily in that are Signs for those who reflect.

Qur'an 30:21

They are your garments and ye are their garments

Qur'an 2:187

Love, mercy, intimacy and mutual protection and modesty are the qualities expected of an Islamic marriage. Even in Paradise marriage remains as one of the great joys:

Verily the Companions of the Garden shall that day have joy in all that they do; they and their spouses will be in groves of (cool) shade reclining on thrones of (dignity); fruit will be there for them, they shall have whatever they call for; `Peace', a word (of salutation) from a Lord Most Merciful.

Qur'an 36:55-57

Husbands are expected to treat their wives kindly during marriage and even during and after divorce . Allah says in the Qur'an:

... Live with them on a footing of kindness and equity. If ye take a dislike to them, it may be that ye dislike a thing, and Allah brings about through it a great deal of good.

Qur'an 4:19

The Prophet* said:

The most perfect believers are the best in conduct and the best of you are those who are best to their wives.

(Hadith: Ibn Hanbal)

Married couples are urged in the Qur'an to deal with one another in a spirit of mutual consultation and agreement, even when contemplating divorce and the custody of children:

... If they both decide on weaning, by mutual consent, and after due consultation, there is no blame on them ...

Qur'an 2:233

How much more so, then, should this spirit predominate in the happy marriage!

Marriage is also intended by Allah to be fruitful. In the Qur'an He tells us:

... He has made for you pairs from among yourselves, and pairs among cattle; by this means does he multiply you...

Qur'an 42:11

Your wives are as a tilth for you ...

Qur'an 2:223

Yet contraception has never been forbidden in Islam, as the Prophet* gave permission for the withdrawal method, so long as the wife agrees. By analogy other methods of preventing conception are also allowed.

The practical aspects of marriage are covered by the marriage contract, in which the wife can specify conditions, and many Muslim women have taken advantage of this to take to themselves the right of divorce if, for example, the husband takes another wife (CARDS on Polygamy). It must include a marriage gift - sadaqah or mahr - to the wife from the husband, of an amount and nature agreed between them.

Usually, according to custom and convenience - a practice later endorsed in the Shari'ah - a young inexperienced woman would be represented in the negotiations by a `marriage guardian' or wal_ who is there to see that her interests are served. This wal_ should be her father or grandfather, but it is possible for some older or more experienced women to appoint any person of their choice to act for them. When the Prophet* married the widow, Umm Salamah, her son acted as her wal_, and the Prophet* asked his permission to marry her. (Ibn Rushd) The wishes of close relations, in particular parents, must be taken into consideration, and their permission must be asked. According to some ahadith it is better to break off a marriage which displeases one's parents, as they are the gateway to Paradise.

Parents have a responsibility to help their children find spouses,

Umar Ibn al-Khattab and Anas reported God's Messenger* as saying that it is written in the Torah, `If anyone does not give his daughter in marriage when she reaches 12 and she commits sin, the guilt of that rests on him.'

Hadith: Baihaqi

and

Abu Sa'id and Ibn Abbas reported God's Messenger* as saying: `He who has a son born to him should give him a good name and a good education and marry him when he reaches puberty. If he does not marry him when he reaches puberty and he commits sin, its guilt rests only upon his father.

Hadith: Baihaqi

But parents have no right to force young women to marry against their will after they have reached marriageable age . There is much evidence in the hadith to show that forced marriages are not legal and the wife has the right to have them annulled:

Ibn Abbas reported that a girl came to the Messenger of Allah, Muhammad* and she reported that her father had forced her to marry without her consent. The Messenger of Allah* gave her the choice ... (between accepting the marriage and invalidating it).

Hadith: Ibn Hanbal

In another version the girl said,

`Actually, I accept this marriage but I wanted to let women know that parents have no right (to force a husband on them).

Hadith: Ibn Majah

The Prophet* also advised that couples should see one another before getting married, so there is no Islamic basis for the custom of marrying young couples who have never set eyes on one another. If a woman does find that she cannot bear the man she is married to, even because she finds him ugly, Islamic law makes it possible for a court to give her a divorce from him. It is only necessary to prove that she hates him irrevocably - the court does not need to probe into the reasons for the hatred. The Prophet* granted divorces to at least two women in such circumstances. One of them, Jamila, the sister of the hypocrite Abdullah Ibn Ubayy, told the Prophet* about her objection to her husband Thabit Ibn Qais:

Messenger of Allah! Nothing can keep the two of us together. As I lifted my veil, I saw him coming, accompanied by some men. I could see that he was the blackest, the shortest and the ugliest of them all. By Allah! I do not dislike him for any blemish in his faith or his morals, it is his ugliness that I dislike. Had the fear of Allah not stood in my way, I must have spat on him when he came to me. ... I am afraid my desperation might drive my Islam closer to disbelief.

The Prophet asked her if she would return the garden Thabit had given her, and she agreed to do this and was given a divorce.4 Thabit did not do any better with his other wife, Habibah. And there are also examples of similar cases from the times of the first three khalifahs.

Ideally speaking, women in Islam are treated like queens, indeed they are better protected than our British royal family is now! Not only are they are allowed to divorce their husbands, rather than live apart and unable to remarry, like Princess Diana, but they are also protected from scandal-mongers.

No-one is allowed, without permission, to invade their privacy in their houses (24:27-28) not even their husbands when they return from a long journey.

Men are not allowed to treat them with disrespect, to look at them more than once, or to touch them -even, some hadiths seem to show, to shake their hands - and if anyone spreads rumours about their chastity without the support of four eye witnesses to the act itself, they themselves are liable to punishment in this life and the hereafter (24:23)!

To make this demand for respect abundantly clear to the men, the wives of the Prophet are asked in the Qur'an to be modest in their appearance, and behaviour, to stay quietly in their houses and not make a great display of themselves as some well-known people were (and still are) prone to do; not to speak too pleasantly to men for fear of `those in whose hearts is a disease', and to be pious and virtuous and pure.

Ordinary Muslim women too are urged to lower their gaze and wrap themselves closely in their outer garments, letting their head-coverings fall over their neck opening, so that they may be recognised as respectable women and not molested. The Prophet's wives are also reported to have covered part of their faces with their cloaks when they were among strange men. Those who regard veiling as a form of exploitation should ask themselves which is more exploitative of women, the mini skirt or the veil?

Many Muslim women, from the Prophet's wives onwards, have aspired to the same degree of modesty and virtue as these passages enjoin and yet managed to participate actively in society by doing good deeds, working to help support their families, and/or pursuing their education. Women figured prominently among the earliest scholars of Islam. The Prophet's wife Aishah was one of the foremost transmitters of hadiths and, like other wives and Companions of the Prophet was often surrounded by students wanting to learn from her: one of her pupils, Urwah Ibn az-Zubayr said:

I did not see a greater scholar than Aishah in the learning of the Qur'an, obligatory duties, lawful and unlawful matters, poetry and literature, Arab history and genealogy.

Abu Musa al-Ash'ar_ said:

Whenever we Companions of the Prophet* encountered any difficulty in the matter of any hadith we referred it to Aishah and found that she had definite knowledge about it.

Hafiz ibn Hajar said:

... it is said that a quarter of the injunctions of the Shari'ah are narrated from her.

The Prophet* was keen to see that women were educated in Islam as well as the men and ordered the men to pass on what they had learned to their women:

Return home to your wives and children and stay with them. Teach them (what you have learned) and ask them to act upon it.

Hadith: Bukhari (CARD)

Muslim women have the right to have education from their husbands and if not, to go elsewhere to get it. An early Muslim scholar, of the Maliki school of law, named Ibn al-HÆjj, otherwise a strict critic of the over-liberal behaviour of the women in Cairo, wrote:

If a woman demands her right to religious education from her husband and brings the issue before a judge, she is justified in demanding this right because it is her right that either her husband should teach her or allow her to go elsewhere to acquire education. The judge must compel the husband to fulfil her demand in the same way that he would in the matter of her worldly rights, since her rights in matters of religion are most essential and important.

al-Mudhkal

Women can be educated by men. The Prophet sent Umar Ibn al-Khattab to teach the women of the Ansar:

It is reported by Umm `Atiyah thaat when the Messenger of Allah came to Madinah, he ordered the women of the Ansar (Muslims of Madinah) to gather in one house, and sent Umar Ibn al-Khattab to them (to convey the teachings of Islam). He asluted them while standing at the door of the house and they returned his greeting. Then he said, `I am a messenger of the Messenger of Allah, sent especially to you.'

Hadith: Bukhari

And women taught men too, not only the wives of the Prophet but many others later were teachers of men , e.g. Aishah bt. Sa'id Ibn Abi Waqqas, who taught the first compiler of Hadith, Malik; and Sayyida Nafisa, granddaughter of al-Hasan, the Prophet's grandson, who taught Imam Shafi'i, and much later a woman taught Ibn al-Arabi, the famous Sufi thinker and greatly influenced his thought.

According to the Prophet*:

It is the duty of every Muslim (male or female) to seek knowledge.

Hadith: Bukhari

Women's views were listened to, respected, and usually supported, by the Prophet* as we have seen. Another example is when the Prophet's pilgrimage to Makkah was stopped by the Makkans who made an agreement with him that he and the Muslims could return the following year. He told the people to shave their heads and offer their sacrifices where they were, but they did not obey, so he asked his wife Umm Salamah, and she advised him to lead them by doing so himself. He took her advice, and it worked. His successors, even the rather male chauvinist Khalifah Umar, did their best to follow his example in this. Umar, trying to regulate the exorbitant demands for mahr marriage gifts that women were making had to retreat after a woman stood up and disputed with him, quoting the Qur'an to support her case:

Umar forbade the people from paying excessive dowries and addressed them, saying: `Don't fix dowries for women over 40 ounces. If ever that is exceeded I shall deposit the excess amount in the public treasury.' As he came down from the minbar (platform), a flat-nosed lady stood up from among the women audience and said:

'It is not within your right.' Umar asked: `Why should this not be of my right?' She replied, `Because Allah has proclaimed, "Even if you had given one of them (wives) a whole treasure for dower, take not the least bit back. Would you take it by false claim and manifest sin?' (Qur'an 4:20)

When he heard this, Umar said: `The woman is right, and the man (Umar) is wrong. It seems that all people have deeper wisdom and insight than Umar.' Then he returned to the minbar and said, `O people! I had restricted the giving of more than four hundred dirhams in dower. Whosoever of you wishes to give in dower as much as he likes and finds satisfaction in so doing, may do so.'

Hadith: Ibn al-Jawzi

Umar also used to seek the counsel of Shaffa the market inspector, pay due regard to her and hold her in high esteem. (Ibn Hajar al-Isabah quoted by Hasan Turabi)

So, to conclude, these are the ideals to which Muslim women can aspire and frequently have done in the past. In a truly Islamic society, they are guaranteed

\- personal respect,

\- respectable married status,

\- legitimacy and maintenance for their children,

\- the right to negotiate marriage terms of their choice,

\- to refuse any marriage that does not please them,

\- the right to obtain divorce from their husbands, even on the grounds that they can't stand them (Mawdudi),

\- custody of their children after divorce,

\- independent property of their own,

\- the right and duty to obtain education,

\- the right to work if they need or want it,

\- equality of reward for equal deeds,

\- the right to participate fully in public life and have their voices heard by those in power,

and much more besides.

# The Prophet's Second Wife: Lady Sawdah

Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) married Sawdah bint Zamah a short while after the death of his first and most beloved wife, Khadijah, with whom he shared a very happy 25 years of his blessed life.

Sawdah was a mature woman, around 40 years of age, and a mother of five children. This marriage gave Sawdah an uplift in her life, for she had been mourning her husband, Al-Sakran ibn Amr.

He had died soon after the couple had returned from Abyssinia, where a number of the Prophet's Companions had gone a few years earlier to establish a second base for Islam, away from the persecution in Makkah.

She was now married to God's Messenger, who was renowned for his fine character and compassion, in addition to the great qualities that fitted him to be the recipient of God's final message to mankind.

Scholars and writers about the Prophet and his character often explain his marriages in terms of different needs: some political, others social, and some even legislative. While such reasons were certainly present in many of his marriages, they are not the overriding reasons for any.

Each of his marriages expressed a desire to be united with the lady in question. In Sawdah's case, we read explanations that he wanted to compensate her for the loss of her husband.

The fact is that the Prophet needed a new wife after Khadijah had passed away, and the qualities he needed in his new wife were maturity, kindness, and being a believer in his message. Sawdah answered all these. She was the one to take care of his two unmarried daughters, Umm Kulthoom and Fatimah.

Dealing With Jealousy

We see some aspects of Sawdah's maturity in the fact that when other wives came into the Prophet's home and jealousies surfaced between them, leading to the emergence of two camps, Sawdah did not join either group. She remained loyal to her husband, giving him all that he needed of love and care.

Nor did she ever express, in word or gesture, any feeling of jealousy when she realized that the Prophet's heart leaned toward a particular one of his wives.

On the contrary, we see her rising to the sublime as she realized that the Prophet's heart favoured Aishah above all others, but he had to maintain fairness between all his wives.

He would not allow himself to give Aishah an hour more than he would give every one of his other wives. Therefore, in her eagerness to please the Prophet, Sawdah made a gift of her nights to Aishah. This was a voluntary gift, motivated only by her desire to please her husband.

Thus, every time it was Sawdah's turn, the Prophet would visit her in the evening before going to spend the rest of the night at Aishah's place.

Sawdah's action speaks much about her character. She was a woman who loved to be kind to others, and enjoyed giving them what pleases them.

She wished to remain married to the Prophet and always be remembered by Muslims throughout the world as a "mother of all believers" as his wives earned this title.

At the same time, she wanted to give greater pleasure to her husband and the one whom he loved most among his wives. Hence, her gift that became a model for any woman who lovingly wishes to forego some of her rights in order to please her husband.

Sawdah died toward the end of the reign of the second Caliph, Umar ibn Al Khattab, about ten years after the Prophet had passed away.

# The Ideal Husband

Prophet Muhammad personifies the roles of perfect father and husband. He was so kind and tolerant with his wives that they could not envisage their lives without him, nor did they want to live away from him. He married Sawdah, his second wife, while in Makkah. After a while, he wanted to divorce her for certain reasons. She was extremely upset at this news and implored him, "O Messenger of Allah, I wish no worldly thing of you. I will sacrifice the time allocated to me if you don't want to visit me. But please don't deprive me of being your wife. I want to go to the hereafter as your wife. I care for nothing else" (Muslim).

The Messenger did not divorce her, nor did he stop visiting her.

Once he noticed that Hafsah was uncomfortable over their financial situation. "If she wishes, I may set her free," he said, or something to that effect. This suggestion so alarmed her that she requested mediators to persuade him not to do so. He kept his faithful friend's daughter as his trusted wife.

Separation Calamity

All of his wives viewed separation from the Messenger of Allah as a calamity, so firmly had he established himself in their hearts. They were completely at one with him. They shared in his blessed, mild, and natural life. If he had left them, they would have died of despair. If he had divorced one of them, she would have waited at his doorstep until the Last Day.

After his death, there was much yearning and a great deal of grief. Abu Bakr and `Umar found the Messenger's wives weeping whenever they visited them. Their weeping seemed to continue for the rest of their lives. Muhammad left an everlasting impression on everyone. At one point, he had nine wives and dealt equally with all of them and without any serious problems. He was a kind and gentle husband, and never behaved harshly or rudely. In short, he was the perfect husband.

Each of his wives thought that she was his most beloved.

A few days before his death, he said, "A servant has been allowed to choose this world or his Lord. He chose his Lord" (Al-Bukhari). Abu Bakr, intelligent and smart, began to cry, understanding that the Prophet was talking about himself. His illness got worse daily, and his severe headache caused him to writhe in pain. But even during this difficult period, he continued to treat his wives with kindness and gentleness. He asked for permission to stay in one room, as he had no strength to visit them one by one. His wives agreed, and the Messenger spent his last days in `A'ishah's room.

Most Beloved

Each wife, because of his generosity and kindness, thought she was his most beloved. The idea that any man could show complete equality and fairness in his relationships with nine women seems impossible. For this reason, the Messenger of Allah asked God's pardon for any unintentional leanings. He would pray, "I may have unintentionally shown more love to one of them than the others, and this would be injustice. So, O Lord, I take refuge in Your grace for those things beyond my power." (At-Tirmidhi).

What gentleness and sensitivity! I wonder if anyone else could show such kindness to his children or spouses. When people manage to cover up their lower inborn tendencies, it is as if they have done something very clever and shown tremendous willpower. But they sometimes expose these very defects unconsciously while bragging of their cleverness. The Messenger, despite showing no fault, sought only God's forgiveness.

His gentleness penetrated his wives' souls so deeply that his departure led to what they must have felt to be an unbridgeable separation. They did not commit suicide, as Islam forbids it, but their lives now became full of endless sorrow and ceaseless tears.

The Messenger was kind and gentle to all women, and advised all other men to follow him in this regard. Sa`d ibn Abi Waqqas described his kindness as follows:

`Umar said: One day I went to the Prophet and saw him smiling. "May God make you smile forever, O Messenger of God," I said, and asked why he was smiling. "I smile at those women. They were chatting in front of me before you came. When they heard your voice, they all vanished," he answered still smiling. On hearing this answer, I raised my voice and told them, "O enemies of your own selves, you are scared of me, but you are not scared of the Messenger of God, and you don't show respect to him." "You are hard-hearted and strict," they replied. (Al-Bukhari )

`Umar also was gentle to women. However, the most handsome man looks ugly when compared to Joseph's beauty. Likewise, `Umar's gentleness and sensitivity seem like violence and severity when compared to those of the Prophet. The women had seen the Messenger's gentleness, sensitivity, and kindness, and so regarded `Umar as strict and severe. Yet `Umar shouldered the caliphate perfectly and became one of the greatest examples after the Prophet. He was a just ruler and strove to distinguish right from wrong. His qualities enabled him to be caliph. Some of his qualities might seem rather severe; however, those very qualities enabled him to shoulder very demanding responsibilities.

Consultation

The Prophet did consult with his wives. The Messenger discussed matters with his wives as friends. Certainly he did not need their advice, since he was directed by revelation. However, he wanted to teach his nation that Muslim men were to give women every consideration. This was quite a radical idea in his time, as it is today in many parts of the world. He began teaching his people through his own relationship with his wives.

For example, the conditions laid down in the Treaty of Hudaybiyah disappointed and enraged many Muslims, for one condition stipulated that they could not make the pilgrimage that year. They wanted to reject the treaty, continue on to Makkah, and face the possible consequences. But the Messenger ordered them to slaughter their sacrificial animals and take off their pilgrim attire. Some Companions hesitated, hoping that he would change his mind. He repeated his order, but they continued to hesitate. They did not oppose him; rather, they still hoped he might change his mind, for they had set out with the intention of pilgrimage and did not want to stop half way.

Noticing this reluctance, the Prophet returned to his tent and asked Umm Salamah, his wife accompanying him at that time, what she thought of the situation. So she told him, fully aware that he did not need her advice. In doing this, he taught Muslim men an important social lesson: There is nothing wrong with exchanging ideas with women on important matters, or on any matters at all.

She said, "O Messenger of God, don't repeat your order. They may resist and thereby perish. Slaughter your sacrificial animal and change out of your pilgrim attire. They will obey you, willingly or not, when they see that your order is final" (Al-Bukhari).

He immediately took a knife in his hand, went outside, and began to slaughter his sheep. The Companions began to do the same, for now it was clear that his order would not be changed.

Counsel and consultation, like every good deed, were practiced by God's Messenger first within his own family and then in the wider community. Even today, we understand so little about his relationships with his wives that it is as if we are wandering aimlessly around a plot of land, unaware of the vast treasure buried below our feet.

Two Halves

Women are secondary beings in the minds of many, including those self-appointed defenders of women's rights as well as many self-proclaimed Muslim men. In Islam, a woman is part of a whole, a part that renders the other half useful. We believe that when the two halves come together, the true unity of a human being appears. When this unity does not exist, humanity does not exist — nor can prophethood, sainthood, or even Islam.

Our Prophet encouraged us through his enlightening words to behave kindly to women. He declared, "The most perfect believers are the best in character, and the best of you are the kindest to their families" (Abu Dawud and At-Tirmidhi). It is clear that women have received the true honour and respect they deserve, not just in theory but in actual practice, only once in history — during the period of Prophet Muhammad.

This World or the Next

The wives of the Messenger were given the choice of remaining with him or leaving:

[ O Prophet, say to your wives: "If you desire the life of this world and its glitter, then come! I will provide for your enjoyment and set you free in a handsome manner. But if you seek God, His Messenger, and the Home of the Hereafter, verily God has prepared for you, the well-doers among you, a great reward." ] (Al-Ahzab 33:29)

A few of his wives who wanted a more prosperous life asked, "Couldn't we live a little more luxuriously, like other Muslims do? Couldn't we have at least a bowl of soup every day, or some prettier garments?" At first sight, such wishes might be considered fair and just. However, they were members of the family that was to be an example for all Muslim families until the Last Day.

The Messenger reacted by going into retreat. The news spread, and everyone rushed to the mosque and began to cry. The smallest grief felt by their beloved Messenger was enough to bring them all to tears, and even the smallest incident in his life would disturb them. Abu Bakr and `Umar, seeing the event in a different light as their daughters were directly involved, rushed to the mosque. They wanted to see him, but he would not leave his retreat. Eventually, on their third attempt, they gained entry and began to rebuke their daughters. The Messenger saw what was happening, but only said, "I cannot afford what they want" (Muslim).

The Qur'an declared [ O wives of the Prophet! You are not like any other women ] (Al-Ahzab 33:32).

Others might save themselves by simply fulfilling their obligations, but those who were at the very centre of Islam had to devote themselves fully so that no weakness would appear at the centre. There were advantages in being the Prophet's wives, but these advantages brought responsibilities and potential risks. The Messenger was preparing them as exemplars for all present and future Muslim women. He was especially worried that they might enjoy the reward for their good deeds in this world and thereby be included in [ You have exhausted your share of the good things in your life of the world and sought comfort in them ] (Al-Ahqaf 46:20).

Life in the Prophet's house was uncomfortable. For this reason, either explicitly or implicitly, his wives made some modest demands. As their status was unique, they were not expected to enjoy themselves in a worldly sense. Some godly people laugh only a few times during their lives; others never fill their stomachs. For example, Fudayl ibn `Iyad never laughed. He smiled only once, and those who saw him do so asked him why he smiled, for they were greatly surprised. He told them, "Today I learned that my son `Ali died. I was happy to hear that God had loved him, and so I smiled" (Abu Nu`aym, Hilyat al-Awliya' ). If there were such people outside of the Prophet's household, his wives, who were even more pious and respectful of God and regarded as Mothers of the Believers, would certainly be of a higher degree.

It is not easy to merit being together with the Messenger in this world and the hereafter. Thus, these special women were put to a great test. The Messenger allowed them to choose his poor home or the world's luxury. If they chose the world, he would give them whatever they wanted and then dissolve his marriage with them. If they chose God and His Messenger, they had to be content with their lives. This was a peculiarity of his family. Since this family was unique, its members had to be unique. The head of the family was chosen, as were the wives and children.

The Messenger first called `A'ishah and said, "I want to discuss something with you. You'd better talk with your parents before making a decision." Then he recited the verses mentioned above. Her decision was exactly as expected from a truthful daughter of a truthful father: "O Messenger of Allah, do I need to talk with my parents? By Allah, I choose Allah and His Messenger" (Muslim).

`A'ishah herself tells us what happened next: "The Messenger received the same answer from all his wives. No one expressed a different opinion. They all said what I had said." They did so because they were all at one with the Messenger. They could not differ. If the Messenger had told them to fast for a lifetime without break, they would have done so and endured it with pleasure. However, they endured hardship until their deaths.

Some of his wives had enjoyed an extravagant lifestyle before their marriage to him. One of these was Safiyyah, who had lost her father and husband and had been taken prisoner during the Battle of Khaybar. She must have been very angry with the Messenger, but when she saw him, her feelings changed completely. She endured the same destiny as the other wives. They endured it because love of the Messenger had penetrated their hearts.

Mothers of the Believers

Safiyyah was a Jew. Once, she was dismayed when this fact was mentioned to her sarcastically. She informed the Messenger, expressing her sadness. He comforted her saying, "If they repeat it, tell them, 'My father is Prophet Aaron, my uncle is Prophet Moses, and my husband is, as you see, Prophet Muhammad, the Chosen One. What do you have more than me to be proud of?'"

The Qur'an declares that his wives are the Mothers of the Believers (Al-Ahzab 33:6). Although 14 centuries have passed, we still feel delight in saying "my mother" when referring to Khadijah, `A'ishah, Umm Salamah, Hafsah, and his other wives. We feel this because of him. Some feel more love for these women than they do for their real mothers. Certainly, this feeling must have been deeper, warmer, and stronger in the Prophet's own time.

The Messenger was the perfect head of a family. Managing many women with ease, being a lover of their hearts, an instructor of their minds, an educator of their souls, he never neglected the affairs of the nation or compromised his duties.

The Messenger excelled in every area of life. People should not compare him to themselves or to the so-called great personalities of their age. Researchers should look at him, the one to whom angels are grateful, always remembering that he excelled in every way. If they want to look for Muhammad they must search for him in his own dimensions. Our imaginations cannot reach him, for we do not even know how to imagine properly. God bestowed upon him, as His special favour, superiority in every field.

# More about Aishah

The story of Aishah bint Abi Bakr - the Prophet's wife - can be summarized as follows:

According to the available records, she was born in 614 C. E. and she died in 678 C. E. She was the daughter of one of the Prophet's earliest and strongest followers; Abu Bakr. Later, she became the Prophet's third wife. After the death of his first wife, Khadijah, Aishah was pre-eminent among his wives. It was quite significant that the Prophet spent his last days in her chamber.

After the reign of Umar ibn Al-Khatab, Aishah was among those who opposed some of the policies of the third caliph, Uthman. Yet, when Ali became a caliph, Aishah demanded that the assassination of Uthman should be avenged. She joined forces with some of the companions of the Prophet and rebelled against Ali ibn Abi Talib, the fourth caliph. Ali defeated her forces during the "Battle of the Camel" and she was captured. Ali treated her graciously and sent her back to Madinah, where she died in 678, after about 20 years.

Muslims honour and respect Aishah, as a transmitter of Hadith (sayings of the Prophet). She is also regarded to be an authority for the interpretation of the Quran. In fact the life of Aishah is a proof that a woman can be far more learned than men and that she can be the teacher of scholars and experts.

Though she was not formally educated, her utterances and legal pronouncements are learned and discussed by scholars of Islam in great centres of learning throughout the world.

Aishah's father, Abu Bakr, who brought her up, became the first caliph in Islamic history. He was the closest friend to the noble Prophet, from the very beginning of his mission.

In her youth, Aishah was known for her extraordinary power of memory. Later, as the Prophet's wife and close companion, she acquired from him knowledge and insight such as no woman has ever acquired.

There is a controversy about the age of Aishah, at the time of her marriage. Most likely, that she was younger than ten years at that time. But the actual wedding did not take place until the second year after the migration to Madinah, when she was about fourteen or fifteen years old.

After her marriage she did not seem at all overawed by the idea of being wedded to the "Messenger of God", whom all his companions, including her father, treated with such love and reverence as they gave to no one else.

It was always clear that among all of the Prophet's wives, Aishah was the one he loved most. Once she asked him: "How is your love for me?" He replied: "Like the rope's knot," meaning that it was strong and secure. Then from time to time thereafter, she would ask him: "How is the knot?" and he would reply: in the same condition.

Later, Aishah used to say: "I was not jealous from any of the other Prophet's wives, as I was jealous from Khadijah. That is because of his constant mentioning of her and because God had commanded him to give her good tidings of a mansion in Paradise of precious stones. And whenever he sacrificed a sheep he would send a fair portion of it to those who had been her intimate friends. Many a time I said to him: It is as if there had never been any other woman in the world except Khadijah!"

Aishah was a very generous and considerate woman. She bore poverty and hunger with the Prophet, along with the rest of his household. That was even when this lasted for long periods. For many days, nothing would be there in the house for cooking. Still, she would live merely on dates and water, along with the rest of the household. Poverty did not cause her distress nor did sufficiency corrupt her soul.

When Muslims were favoured with enormous riches, Aishah was given a gift of one hundred thousand dirhams (a unit of currency). She was fasting when she received the money and she distributed the entire amount to the poor and the needy even though she had no provisions in her house. Shortly after, a maidservant asked her: "Could you buy meat for a dirham with which to break your fast?" She said: "If I had remembered, I would have done so."

The Prophet's affection for Aishah remained till the very end. During his final illness, it was to Aishah's apartment that he went at the suggestion of his wives. She was actually the one who preserved for us the dying moments of God's beloved Messenger, may He shower His choicest blessings on him. The Seal of the Prophets was buried, under the ground of her room, amid much bewilderment and great sorrow.

Aishah lived almost fifty years after the passing away of the Prophet. She had been his wife for a decade. Much of this time was spent in learning and acquiring knowledge of the two most important sources of God's guidance, the Quran and the Sunnah. Aishah was one of three wives (the other two being Hafsah and Umm Salamah) who memorized the revelation.

So far as Hadith is concerned, Aishah is one of the four persons (the others being Abu Hurairah, Abdullah ibn Umar, and Anas ibn Malik) who transmitted more than two thousand sayings. Many of these pertain to some of the most intimate aspects of personal behaviour, which only someone in Aishah's position could have learnt.

What is most important is that her knowledge of Hadith was passed on in written form by at least three persons including her nephew Urwah, who became one of the greatest scholars among the generation after the Companions.

Many of the learned companions of the Prophet and their followers benefited from Aishah's knowledge. Abu Musa Al-Ashari once said: "If we companions of the Messenger of God had any difficulty on a matter, we asked Aishah about it."

Her nephew Urwah asserts that she was proficient not only in fiqh (Islamic legal rulings), but also in medicine and poetry. Many of the senior companions of the Prophet came to her to ask for advice concerning questions of inheritance, which required a highly skilled mathematical mind.

Scholars regard her as one of the earliest legal scholars of Islam, along with persons like Umar ibn Al-Khattab, Ali and Abdullah ibn Abbas. It was famously said about Aishah : "Learn a portion of your religion from this red colored lady." "Humayra " meaning "red-colored" was a description given to Aishah by the Prophet.

Aishah not only possessed great knowledge, but she took an active part in education and social reform. As a teacher she had a clear and persuasive manner of speech. Her power of oratory has been described in superlative terms by al-Ahnaf who said: "I have heard speeches of Abu Bakr and Umar, Uthman and Ali and the Caliphs up to this day, but I have not heard speech more persuasive and more beautiful from the mouth of any person than from the mouth of Aishah."

Men and women came from far and wide to benefit from her knowledge. The number of women is said to have been greater than that of men. Besides answering enquiries, she took boys and girls, some of them orphans, into her custody and trained them under her care and guidance. This was in addition to her relatives who received instruction from her. Her house thus became both, a school and an academy.

Some of her students were outstanding. I have already mentioned her nephew, Urwah, as a distinguished reporter of Hadith. Among her women pupils is the name of Umrah bint Abdul-Rahman. She is regarded by scholars as one of the trustworthy narrators of Hadith and is said to have acted as Aishah's secretary, receiving and replying to letters addressed to her.

The example of Aishah in promoting education and in particular the education of Muslim women in the laws and teachings of Islam, is one, which needs to be followed.

For the strength of her personality, Aishah was a leader in every field in knowledge, in society, in politics and in war. She lived long enough to maintain a position as the most respected woman of her time. She died in the year 58 AH in the month of Ramadan.

# Unforgettable Love Story

The love between Prophet Muhammad and Lady Khadijah was like a blooming rose.

She was one of the noblest women of her time, coming from a very prominent family. She was also quite beautiful and the holder of a considerable amount of wealth, for she successfully ran her own business. To marry her would have been a great feat for any man, and indeed, quite a few of the most prominent and wealthy men in society had asked for her hand. Yet, she rejected them all; already being a widow, she had lost the desire to marry again.

Until he came into her life. He was young man of 25, and although he was also of a noble family, he was an orphan and was not a man of many means. He had made a meagre living tending sheep in the hills surrounding the city. Yet, he had an impeccable moral character, and he was widely known as one of the most honest men around. That is what attracted her to him: she was looking for someone honest who could conduct business for her, as she – a woman in a fiercely patriarchal society – could not do it herself. So, he started working for her.

After he came back from his first business trip, she asked her servant, whom she had sent with him, about him and his conduct. The servant amazed her by his report: this young man was the kindest, gentlest man he had ever met. Never did he treat the servant harshly, as many others do. Yet, there was more: as they travelled in the heat of the desert, the servant noticed that a cloud had followed them the entire time, shading them from the blazing sun. Upon hearing this, she became quite impressed with her new employee.

Not only that, this new employee proved to be an astute businessman in his own right. He took his employer's merchandise, sold it, and with the profits bought other merchandise that he sold again, thus profiting twice. All this was enough for her: the embers of love in her heart that were once extinguished were re-kindled again, and she desired to marry this young man, who was 15 years younger than she.

So, she sent her sister who asked him, "Why are you not married, yet?"

"For lack of means," he answered.

"What if I could offer you a wife of nobility, beauty, and wealth? Would you be interested?" she told him.

He replied in the affirmative, but when she mentioned her sister, the young employee chuckled in amazement.

"How could I marry her? She has turned down the most noble men in the city, much wealthier and prominent than me, a poor shepherd," he said.

"Don't you worry," the sister replied, "I'll take care of it" (Ibn Al-Atheer).

Not long after, this wealthy business-owner married her young employee, and it was the beginning of one of the most loving, happiest, and sacred marriages in all of human history: that of Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) and Khadijah, the daughter of Khuwaylid.

When they were married, the Prophet was 25 years old, and Khadijah was 40. Yet, that did not bother the Prophet one bit. He loved her so deeply, and she loved him as deeply. They were married for 25 years, and she bore him seven children: 3 sons and 4 daughters. All of the sons died at a young age. Khadijah was a source of immense love, strength, and comfort for the Prophet Muhammad, and he leaned heavily on this love and support on the most important night of his life.

While he was meditating in cave of Hira, the Angel Gabriel came to Prophet Muhammad and revealed to him the first verses of the Quran, which Muslims believe is the word of God, and declared to him that he was to be a Prophet. The experience terrified him, and he ran home and cried to Khadijah , "Cover me! Cover me!" She was startled by his terror, and after soothing and comforting him for a while, the Prophet was able to calm down and tell her about his experience (Al-Bukhari).

The Prophet feared he was going mad or being possessed.

Khadijah put all his fears to rest: "Do not worry," she said, "for by Him who has dominion over Khadijah's soul, I hope that you are the Prophet of this nation. Allah would never humiliate you, for you are good to your relatives, you are true to your word, you help those who are in need, you support the weak, you feed the guest and you answer the call of those who are in distress." She then took him to her cousin, Waraqah ibn Nawfal – a Christian scholar well-versed in the Judeo-Christian scripture – and he confirmed to Muhammad that his experience was Divine and he was to be the Prophet they had all been waiting for (Al-Bukhari).

After his ministry began, and the opposition of his people became harsh and brutal, Khadijah was always there to support Prophet Muhammad, sacrificing all of her wealth to support the cause of Islam. When the Prophet and his family were banished to the hills outside of Makkah, she went there with him, and the three years of hardship and deprivation eventually led to her death. The Prophet Muhammad mourned her deeply, and even after her death, the Prophet would send food and support to Khadijah's friends and relatives, out of love for her.

Once, years after Khadijah died, he came across a necklace that she once wore. When he saw it, he remembered her and began to cry and mourn. His love for her never died, so much so, that his later wife Aishah became jealous of her. Once she asked the Prophet if Khadijah had been the only woman worthy of his love. The Prophet replied: "She believed in me when no one else did; she accepted Islam when people rejected me; and she helped and comforted me when there was no one else to lend me a helping hand" (Al-Bukhari).

Much has been made and said about Prophet Muhammad's multiple marriages. There are many who smear him as a womanizing philanderer, citing those multiple marriages. This is, of course, totally false. If, God forbid, the Prophet was as they claim, he would have taken advantage of his youth to act on these desires. But he did not. Rather, he was with no other women before Khadijah, who was 15 years his senior, and he had no other wife alongside her, although multiple marriages was common custom at that time.

It was only after Khadijah died (God rest her soul) that he took on more than one wife at a time. All his subsequent marriages were undertaken based on divine instructions. Most of these wives were widows, whom the Prophet married to care of, or they were the daughters of prominent Arab chieftains, so that the Prophet could form a cohesive Muslim society out of a fiercely tribalistic Arab culture. The smears against the Prophet fall flat on their faces once the light of truth shines brightly upon them.

In a song about the Prophet and Khadjiah, Muslim rappers Native Deen sing: "We look for stories of love in places dark and cold. When we have a guiding light for the whole world to behold." Many of what we call "love stories" today are nothing more than stories of lust and desire, physical attraction disguised as love.

Yet, I can find no love story more powerful, more spiritually uplifting, more awe-inspiring than that of the Prophet Muhammad and Khadijah. It is a shining example of what an ideal marriage is, and if I ever claim that I love my wife, I must gauge my actions with that of the Prophet. As the country commemorates Valentine's Day, and everywhere we turn this month, "love is in the air," I cannot help but reflect upon, what is to me, the greatest of all love stories: that of Prophet Muhammad and Khadijah. Even with all of its amazing creative talent, Hollywood could not have come up with a story greater than this.

# A Happy Home

Allaah The Almighty Says (what means): {And Allaah has made for you from your home's a place of rest.}[Quran 16:80]

You have told the truth, O our Lord! The home is a place of rest, stability, comfort, reassurance, safety and tranquillity, in which we live, and with which we protect ourselves from the heat of summer and the cold of winter. It is also our shelter in which we take refuge after the trouble and toil of the day.

If a little bird's nest is its shelter, place of rest and abode of reassurance, it would be more worthy for man to have his home an abode of happiness and a source of his pleasure. A home is not only walls, furniture and linen, but it is also a place of worship, an institute, and a place for cordiality and comfort. The spouses fill it with love and affection, and tranquillity, calmness and stability shade it.

In the Muslim home, material and sensual rest is combined with spiritual and emotional rest; thereby the home is comprehensive and balanced. Also, Allaah The Almighty has made the home a place of rest for the couple; He has made the husband a source of tranquillity for his wife, and the wife a source of tranquillity for her husband. Allaah The Almighty Says (what means): {And of His signs is that He created for you from yourselves mates that you may find tranquillity in them; and He placed between you affection and mercy. Indeed in that are signs for a people who give thought.} [Quran 30:21] Thus, marriage is a source of tranquillity, and homes are places of rest – a favour from Allaah The Almighty which should be appreciated, maintained and preserved.

Some of us might wonder: "Why a Muslim home? Is there a difference between a Muslim and a non-Muslim home?"

Undoubtedly, the Muslim home differs from any other. Its inhabitants carry in their chests a glorious belief which fills their hearts with the light of faith, and this light is reflected on all aspects of their life. A Muslim person should be (an example of the) Quran among people, the same as was the moral character of the Messenger of Allaah, . For this reason, a Muslim home, with its corners, furniture, and the way it is arranged, should express the Islam of its owner.

The Muslim home might be a simple hut, or a graceful palace, and in either there is pleasure, gratitude, satisfaction and living in the shades of the Noble Quran and Sunnah. The family members are happy, not because they have great furniture or expensive fittings, but because happiness springs from their believing hearts and reassured souls. This is because they are pleased with Allaah The Almighty as their Lord, Islam as their religion and Muhammad, , as their Prophet and Messenger.

The houses of the Prophet, , were a good pattern for an Islamic home. As small in size and modest in building as they might have been, they were full of happiness and satisfaction, and remained the highest ideal for the homes of the Companions and any of the Muslims who wished to lay the foundation of a home afterwards.

The houses of the Prophet, , were established on obedience and seeking the satisfaction of Allaah The Almighty, thereby representing the best example of the real Islamic home. Allaah The Almighty Says (what means): {Then is one who laid the foundation of his building on righteousness [with fear] from Allaah and [seeking] His approval better or one who laid the foundation of his building on the edge of a bank about to collapse, so it collapsed with him into the fire of Hell? And Allaah does not guide the wrongdoing people.} [Quran 9:109]

Although the houses of the Prophet, , were as humble, only enough as to satisfy his need, as simple as to cover (the minimum requirements of) his living, they were full of happiness, where their inhabitants were well-pleased with the fate and sustenance endowed to them by Allaah The Almighty, and believing in the statement of the Prophet, : "He, upon whom morning comes while being safe and sound, healthy in his body, and having the sustenance of his day, seems as if the entire world has been granted for him." [At-Tirmithi and Ibn Maajah]

The houses of the Prophet, , were based on worship and obedience to Allaah The Almighty, where humbleness, simplicity and abstinence from the enjoyment of this worldly life seemed evident. All his houses surrounded the mosque. Some of them were built of palm reeds covered with mud, others of stones piled on top of each other, having their ceiling made of palm reeds.

The home of the Mother of Believers, 'Aa'ishah the dearest of his wives to him after Khadeejah consisted of one chamber, built of bricks covered with mud, and another room annexed to it, made of palm reeds, covered with animal hair. Its door had a single wooden post, and its ceiling was low, like all the other houses of the Prophet, . It had simple furniture: a bed of pieces of wood tied with fiber ropes, having a cushion of leather stuffed with fiber; a water-skin; and clay vessels for his food and ablution.

Simplicity and contentment also seemed evident in the homes of the Companions of the Messenger of Allaah, . The furniture of Faatimah the daughter of the Prophet, , with which she was wed to 'Ali Ibn Abi Taalib consisted of a mantle of velvet, a cushion of leather stuffed with fiber, a millstone, a water-skin and two jars. That was the furniture of the leader of the women of Paradise, and the daughter of the master of all the prophets, may Allaah exalt their mention. This shows how the houses of the Prophet, , and of his Companions were a good model for the Islamic home.

If such was the state of the houses of the Prophet, , and his Companions this does not mean that Islam impedes one from being blessed in a graceful spacious home; on the contrary, according to Islam, that is a sustenance, favour and grace bestowed by Allaah The Almighty upon whomever He pleases. Allaah The Almighty Says (what means): {Say, "Who has forbidden the adornment of Allaah which He has produced for His servants and the good [lawful] things of provision?"} [Quran 7:32] The Messenger of Allaah, , said: "Four things bring about happiness: a righteous woman (i.e., wife), a spacious residence, a good neighbor, and a comfortable means of transport." [Al-Haakim] Man then has to utilize this pleasure in all that is good, for he would be held accountable about it on the Day of Judgment as confirmed by Allaah The Almighty in the verse (which means): {Then you will surely be asked that Day about pleasure.} [Quran 102:8]

Like other human beings, the Muslim family inclines to possess the best, the most spacious, the prettiest, and the richest of homes. Allaah The Almighty Says (what means): {Beautified for people is the love of that which they desire - of women and sons, heaped-up sums of gold and silver, fine branded horses, and cattle and tilled land. That is the enjoyment of worldly life, but Allaah has with Him the best return.} [Quran 3:14]

The Muslim family knows well that real happiness is to make the home, whether it is small or large, a garden full of faith, satisfied with contentment, shaded with tranquillity and reassurance; and to have its members adopt high morals and upright conduct. It perceives that in whichever state it might be, it is living in a favour bestowed by Allaah The Almighty for which gratitude is due. Gratitude for a favour develops, purifies and proliferates it as confirmed by Allaah; Allaah The Almighty (what means): {If you are grateful, I will surely increase you [in favour].} [Quran 14:7]

The Muslim family neither boasts nor shows pride over others because of the favours of Allaah The Almighty bestowed upon it. It always shows the bounty and favour conferred by Allaah The Almighty upon it in response to His statement (which means): {But as for the favour of your Lord, report [it].} [Quran 93:11] And, acting upon the statement of the Messenger of Allaah, : "Indeed, Allaah likes to see the signs of His favour on His slave." [At-Tirmithi and Al-Haakim]

But, at the same time, the Muslim family should not engage in worldly pleasures and neglect obedience to Allaah The Almighty, nor be mainly concerned with their house in this worldly life, which diverts them from working for their house in Paradise, Allaah willing. To this meaning a poet refers, by saying that one shall have no abode to reside in after death other than the one he built before his death. If he built it well, his residence (in the Hereafter) would be good; and if he built it with evil, he would fail.

Once, 'Ali Ibn Abi Taalib passed by a man who was building a house, thereupon he said to him, "You were dead before you came to life, and in a short while you will be dead [yet again]. You are building a house for the perishing abode [i.e. this worldly life], so build a house for the eternal abode [i.e. the Hereafter as well]."

Blessed be the Muslim family if it is to have the world in its hand and not in its heart; and blessed be it if it is to utilize all things surrounding it correctly in such a way as to help it obey Allaah The Almighty, acting upon the following wisdom, "Work for your worldly life as if you would live forever, and work for your Hereafter as if you would die tomorrow." [Ibn Al-Mubaarak in Az-Zuhd]

To talk about the Muslim home, its components and furniture, does not mean that all those specifications should be comprised in every home. But, it is an ideal we ask Allaah The Almighty to give to every Muslim on the face of the earth.

The main point lies not in the walls and furniture of the house so much as it lies in its inhabitants. Hence, every family member could bring about happiness and satisfaction to his household with the smallest thing available to him. The faithful believer is intelligent and prudent, as the Messenger of Allaah, , said: "The sagacious one is he who holds himself accountable [for his deeds], and works for [the life] after death; and the incompetent is he who subjugates his self to its fancies and has hopeful expectations from Allaah."[Ahmad, At-Tirmithi and Ibn Maajah]

# The Rights of the Wife upon her Husband

Financial rights

The wife is naturally entitled for food, clothing, housing and other related items with expenses to be born by the husband. This natural right has been given by Allaah Almighty to the wife based on the following verse from the Glorious Quran (which means): "Mothers may breastfeed their children two complete years for whoever wishes to complete the nursing [period]. Upon the father is the mothers' provision and their clothing according to what is acceptable. No person is charged with more than his capacity..."[Quran 2: 233]

1. The Mahr (dowry): This is the money to which the wife is entitled from her husband when the marriage contract is completed or when the marriage is consummated. It is a right which the man is obliged to pay to the woman. Allaah Almighty Says (what means): "And give the women [upon marriage] their [bridal] gifts graciously. But if they give up willingly to you anything of it, then take it in satisfaction and ease." [Quran 4: 4

2. Spending: It is obligatory for husbands to spend on their wives, on the condition that the wife makes herself available to her husband. If she refuses him or rebels, then she is not entitled to that spending.

What is meant by spending is providing what the wife needs of food and accommodation. She has the right to these things even if she is rich, because Allaah Says (what means): "...Upon the father is the mothers' provision and their clothing according to what is acceptable..." [Quran 2: 233]

And (what means): "Let a man of wealth spend from his wealth, and he whose provision is restricted – let him spend from what Allaah has given him..." [Quran 65: 7]

It was narrated that 'Aa'ishah said: "Hind Bint (the daughter of) 'Utbah, the wife of Abu Sufyaan, entered upon the Messenger of Allaah and said: 'O Messenger of Allaah, Abu Sufyaan is a stingy man who does not spend enough on me and my children, except for what I take from his wealth without his knowledge. Is there any sin on me for doing that?' The Messenger of Allaah said: 'Take from his wealth on a reasonable basis, only what is sufficient for you and your children.'" [Al-Bukhaari and Muslim]

It was narrated from Jaabir that Allaah's Messenger said in his Farewell Sermon: "Fear Allaah concerning women! Verily you have taken them on the security of Allaah, and intercourse with them has been made lawful unto you by words of Allaah. You too have rights over them, and that they should not allow anyone to sit on your bedding [i.e., not let them into the house] whom you do not like. But if they do that, you can chastise them but not severely. Their rights upon you are that you should provide them with food and clothing in a fitting manner." [Muslim]

Also, the Prophet was once asked: "What is the right of the wife unto her husband?" He said: "She is entitled for the same food you eat, offer her clothing whenever you buy yourself clothes, do not hit her on the face, do not insult her and do not abandon her unless you do so (i.e. abandon her) in the same house (under the same roof)." [Abu Daawood, Ahmad and Ibn Maajah]

3. Accommodation: This is also one of the wife's rights, which means that her husband should prepare for her accommodation according to his means and ability. Allaah Almighty Says (what means): "Lodge them [in a section] of where you dwell out of your means and do not harm them in order to oppress them..." [Quran 65: 6]

Non-financial rights

1. Fair treatment of co-wives: One of the rights that a wife has over her husband is that she and her co-wives should be treated equally, if the husband has other wives, with regard to nights spent with them, spending and clothing.

In case of multiple wives, the husband must be fair and just to all of them, treat them fairly in terms of expenditure, housing, time and all other items of which the husband is capable. Being biased or even inclined and preferring one wife over the other is considered one of the major sins.

Allaah's Messenger said: "If a man was married to two wives and is inclined to one of them (and favoured her over the other), he will come on the Day of Judgment with one side of his body tilted (as a punishment for his unjust treatment)." [Imaam Ahmad]

Man, as the husband, however will not be held responsible or accountable for things that he has no control over, such as love, affection and self-comfort. Allaah, the Almighty stated in the Glorious Quran (what means): "And you will never be able to be equal [in feeling] between wives, even if you should strive [to do so]. So do not incline completely [toward one] and leave another hanging. And if you amend [your affairs] and fear Allaah – then indeed, Allaah is ever Forgiving and Merciful." [Quran 4: 129]

However, if a husband preferred one wife over another in terms of spending the night with, based on the approval and acceptance of the other wife, then, in such a case, there is no harm. That was the case with 'Aa'ishah and Sawdah, two of the Prophet's wives when Sawdah agreed to grant her night to 'Aa'ishah toward the end of the life of the Prophet .

Yet, when the Prophet became very ill, he continuously asked: "Where shall be tomorrow (i.e., in whose house)?" All his wives agreed to let him stay at the house of 'Aa'ishah where he wanted to be until his death . [Al-Bukhaari and Muslim]

2. Kind treatment: The husband must have a good attitude towards his wife and be kind to her, and offer her everything that may soften her heart towards him, because Allaah Says (what means): "...And live with them in kindness..." [Quran 4: 19]

Also Allaah Says (what means): "...And due to the wives is similar to what is expected of them, according to what is reasonable..." [Quran 2: 228]

It was narrated that Abu Hurayrah said: "The Messenger of Allaah said: 'Be kind to women.'"[Al-Bukhaari and Muslim]

Here are some examples from the Prophet :

It was narrated from Zaynab Bint (the daughter of) Abi Salamah that Umm Salamah said: "I got my menses when I was lying with the Prophet under a single woollen sheet. I slipped away and put on the clothes I usually wore for menstruation. The Messenger of Allaah said to me: 'Have you got your menses?' I said, 'Yes.' Then he, salallaahu alayhi wa sallam, called me and made me lie with him under the same sheet..." [Al-Bukhaari and Muslim]

It was narrated that 'Urwah Ibn Al-Zubayr said: "Aa'ishah said: 'By Allaah, I saw the Messenger of Allaah standing at the door of my apartment when the Abyssinians were playing with their spears in the Mosque of the Messenger of Allaah . He covered me with his cloak so that I could watch their games, then he stood there for my sake until I was the one who had had enough...'" [Al-Bukhaari and Muslim]

It was narrated from 'Aa'ishah that the Messenger of Allaah used to pray sitting down; he would recite Quran when he was sitting down, then when there were thirty or forty verses left, he would stand up and recite them standing up. Then he did Rukoo' (bowing), then Sujood (prostration); then he would do likewise in the second Rak'ah (unit of prayer). When he had finished his prayer, he would look, and if I was awake he would talk with me, and if I was asleep he would lie down. [Al-Bukhaari]

3. Not harming one's wife: This is one of the basic principles of Islam. Because harming others is forbidden in the case of strangers, it is even more so in the case of harming one's wife.

It was narrated from 'Ubaadah Ibn As-Saamit that the Messenger of Allaah ruled: "There should be no harming nor reciprocating harm." [Ibn Maajah]

Among the things to which the Lawgiver (Allaah Almighty) drew attention in this matter is the prohibition of hitting or beating in a severe manner.

It was narrated from Jaabir that the Messenger of Allaah said in his Farewell Sermon: "...But if they do that, you can chastise them but not severely. Their rights upon you are that you should provide them with food and clothing in a fitting manner." (part of the above-mentioned hadeeth) [Muslim]

# The Rights of the Husband upon the Wife

The rights of the husband upon his wife are greater than the rights of the wife upon her husband for the simple reason that Allaah, the Almighty, stated in the Glorious Quran what means: "...And due to the wives is similar to what is expected of them, according to what is reasonable. But the men have a degree over them [in responsibility and authority]. And Allaah is Exalted in Might and Wise." [Quran 2: 228]

Man is the caretaker of his wife and household. He is responsible for all her affairs. He is responsible for training, direction and discipline if needed. Allaah Almighty Says what means: "Men are in charge of women by [right of] what Allaah has given one over the other and what they spend [for maintenance] from their wealth..." [Quran 4:34]

It is an essential right of man over his wife to be obeyed so long as his commands do not conflict or contradict the commands of Allaah, the Almighty, Allaah's Messenger and the general teachings and codes of ethics of Islam.

Allaah Almighty Says in the same verse mentioned above (what means): "...But if they obey you [once more], seek no means against them. Indeed, Allaah is ever Exalted and Grand.." [Quran 4:34]

A Muslim wife must protect her husband's secrets, privacies, honour and dignity. She also must protect his wealth, children, finance, belongings and other aspects of his household, as much as possible.

Allaah Almighty Says in the same verse (what means): "...So righteous women are devoutly obedient, guarding in [the husband's] absence what Allaah would have them guard..." [Quran 4:34]

Allaah's Messenger said: "The wife is the guardian over the house of her husband and his children." [Al-Bukhaari and Muslim]

And, "If I were to command a single person to bow in prostration to another person, I could have commanded a woman to bow down (in obedience and respect, not in worship) to her husband." [Abu Daawood]

Allaah's Messenger also said: "If a husband calls his wife to his bed, but the latter refused to fulfil the call (for any reason other than a lawful one), which drives the man to become upset with his wife, then angels will curse such a wife until she gets up in the morning." [Al-Bukhaari and Muslim]

He furthermore, said: "Their (husbands') rights over you (wives) is that you do not allow anyone whom they dislike onto your bedding and you do not allow anyone whom they dislike into your house." [At-Tirmithi]

The wife must not leave the house except with her husband's permission and approval. She must also lower her gaze, keep her voice low, keep her hands from reaching out to anything evil and keep her tongue from any lewd or foul speech. She also must not harm his parents or near relatives.

This is because Allaah Almighty has said (what means): "And abide in your houses and do not display yourselves as [was] the display of the former times of ignorance...." [Quran 33:33]

Allaah Almighty also has said (what means): "...Do not be soft in speech [to men], lest he in whose heart is disease should covet, but speak with appropriate speech." [Quran 33:32]

In another verse, Allaah Sayas (what means): "And tell the believing women to reduce [some] of their vision and guard their private parts and not expose their adornment except that which [necessarily] appears thereof..." [Quran 24:31]

Allaah's Messenger said: "The best woman is the one who when you look at her, you are pleased; when you order her, she obeys; if you are absent from her, she guards herself and your property." [At-Tabarani]

Another right of the husband over his wife is that the husband may ask his wife not do something, including, but not limited to voluntary acts of worship, other than obligatory, which cause her to lessen the time that her husband may have to enjoy her.

Allaah's Messenger stated: "A wife is not allowed to observe fast (other than fasting in the month of Ramadhaan, the prescribed, unless she has his permission. She may not allow anyone to come into his house, unless he permits." [At-Tirmithi]

Moreover, Allaah's Messenger placed the satisfaction and pleasure of a husband to be one of the reasons to enable the wife to enter Paradise.

At-Tirmithi reported from Umm Salamah, the mother of the believers that Allaah's Messenger said: "Any woman whose husband dies while he is pleased, happy and satisfied with her (acts, attitudes and behaviour) will enter Jannah (Paradise)."

These are but few items of the many rights that Islam, the religion of truth, imposes upon those who commit themselves to follow and practice it as a way of life. We vividly see that such rights, if maintained properly, will lead a society to peace, happiness and tranquillity.

A husband becomes caring, affectionate, loving and responsible, yet directing and capable of discipline when needed to improve a troublesome situation, regardless of his tender care and love for his wife, so that vise and wickedness will not spread in the society.

A wife becomes more respected, adored, cared for, highly needed and appreciated if she respects the rights of her husband, and equally given the rights she is entitled for by Islam.

In such a coherent way, the religion of truth, goodness, justice, equity, and all fairness coincide with basic requirements of life including harmony between all the members of the society, especially between the husband and the wife.
