I had to go get a hearing test recently.
Round of applause, who here has ever had
a hearing test.
Anybody? Oh okay.
Most of you. Nice. That's good. It's
important. I personally don't like
getting hearing tests because, you know
I never pass, you know. There's no - -
there's never any good news. They're never
like, "Wow, your hearing got way better.
Wow. You been working out or something?
Those eardrums are looking tight." That never happens.
They're just like, "Yeah, you're still
deaf." Oh thank you very much.
But I had to go get a hearing
test and my regular audiologist was on
vacation.
So i had to see see this other guy and
he was just like a mean
doc -- you ever go into like a doctor's
office and right away you're like, you're
mean. How did you get into this
profession, right?
He puts me in the
oldest, smallest soundproof booth I've
ever been in.
Like two feet by two feet. Smallest pane
of glass I've ever seen. It's like a two
inch window to look out of.
I'm trapped in there like Hannibal
Lecter or something.
I got headphones on and a little clicker and
he's on the outside of the booth with a
computer.
Whenever he hits a button, I hear a beep
in my ear and I gotta let him know I
heard it with my stupid little Jeopardy
clicker, right.
And they're getting lower in volume each
time, the beeps. And I'm like, okay.
Usually I suck at this, but stay positive.
Today's going to be a good day.
And the first beep comes through and
it's like [loud beep]
Crazy loud. Amazing. One for one.
Killing it.
Second beep comes through and it's like [quiet beep].
Significantly lower, but okay.
Quite the drop-off. Stay positive, it's okay
I didn't hear another beep. I was done
after two.
Ridiculous. I went premature on my
hearing test, right.
I had too much pride to admit it so then the rest of the test was just
me trying to guess when he was hitting
his button.
Finally, he was like, "Oh DJ, the test has
been done for five minutes.
i've just been checking my emails out
here if you want to stop hitting the button."
What a mean dude. This is the meanest
thing he did. He goes, "Okay, so that was
the test with your hearing aids in.
Why don't you take them out now. We'll do
the same test again."
I'm like, "I just heard two beeps
with them in. I think we can probably
extrapolate based on that data.
If you want to give me the zero, I'd be
okay with that.
Give me a negative number. I don't care.
Just let me out of this booth.
Why is it padlocked anyway? That's weird."
What a mean doctor. You never see any
other doctor do that. You never see like
a guy with no legs go in to his doctor's
office. Doctor's like, "Oh hey there, Jimmy.
How's it going?
Why don't you uh just take off those
prosthetics and we'll do a quick running
test here?
Quit your crying, Jimmy. It's running time."
Mean doctor.
