

### If Only

### (A Romance at the Madonna Inn)

### On the Central Coast of California

### Ann S.(Ritchie) Domela

Ann Ritchie (Domela) was born in Boston, with the lifelong desire to be a writer. If Only is the third book of four written with a fifth in the works. The first is Triangle of Fear, the second Fall of Fear. The third is Banned in Boston, all written under the name, Ann Ritchie. If Only is the fourth with a fifth, a sequel to Banned almost complete and yet another romance in the works.

Book Summary

If you've ever been in love or especially fallen in love for the second time around, this book is for you. Katherine Watson is vacationing at the unique hotel in mid California where she had planned to go with her now deceased husband. It is there she meets an old love. Each of them is hiding a secret. Hers is one of deception that could destroy their relationship. His could cost Katherine her life.

This book is dedicated to Alex and Phyllis Madonna who followed their dream.

Copyright © 2010 by Ann S. (Ritchie) Domela

All rights reserved. No part of this book or disc may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, or by any information storage and retrieval system, without permission in writing from the copyright owner.

This is a work of fiction. Names, characters,, places and incidents either are the product of the author's imagination or are used fictitiously with the exception of places used in the book by permission of the owner's or their agents of those establishments. Any resemblance to any actual persons living or dead, events or locales is entirely coincidental.

This book was printed in the United States of America. This disc was produced in the United States of America.

Smashwords edition

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Table of Contents

Chapter One

Chapter Two

Chapter Three

Chapter Four

Chapter Five

Chapter Six

Chapter Seven

Chapter Eight

Chapter Nine

Chapter Ten

Chapter Eleven

Chapter Twelve

Chapter Thirteen

Chapter Fourteen

Chapter Fifteen

Chapter Sixteen

Chapter Seventeen

Chapter Eighteen
Chapter One

It really wasn't fair for all this exquisite scenery to taunt her with it's' serenity and beauty when she was at one of the lowest ebbs of her life. Frank's death had come too soon, too sudden, without a hint of warning, after less than twenty years of what had been considered a reasonably "good" marriage. Katherine Watson was well.., too young to be a widow, but ill prepared to face the rest of her life alone, so very much alone. Tears escaped the hazel green eyes and coursed down the makeup-less cheeks as she thought of the years of empty hours, days, and endless months ahead. The logistic part of her mind knew that she should be grateful for the frugal way Frank had planned for almost any eventuality. There were sufficient funds on which to live if she were careful and worked at least part time. Work might, at least, help to kill the long, very lonely hours. Their home, no, it was her home now, was free and clear from payments. In fact, there were few debts to pay, but the minimal insurance wouldn't last forever. Even Frank hadn't planned on leaving her that unexpectedly. His plan had been to increase the insurance and start a savings account before his demise, something, on which she could live well without him. But, his sudden death from a heart attack a few days from his fiftieth birthday came all too soon. Her emotional side argued that both of her daughters were grown with no real needs that they couldn't handle. Neither one especially didn't desire a mother looking for someone about which to care. Was this what would be termed the "empty nest syndrome"? Whatever it was, she was feeling so completely useless with very few fond memories to tide her over the solitary times.

Frank had been so engrossed in his work, somewhat of a workaholic, but he had faithfully promised that someday, they could take time to start enjoying their "golden" years. "Some day" never came, nor if she would admit it, she knew it never would have come at all. Her husband had loved his job and spent most of his time working as much as he could. It hadn't mattered too much when she was busy being the best mother she knew how. But after her daughters had gone out on their own, Katherine had begun to really learn the meaning of being alone.

When she had begged Frank to take a little time off, he always put her off. "No, not now. I have things to finish first. There were always the things to do, time for his job, but never for his family. That was Katherine's job, to care for the home, raise the children, do what "a good wife should do."

Perhaps she should go back to the vague dream of learning how to improve her painting skills, if it wasn't too late in her life. In her heart, even the attempt at the art would be forced, as would the façade of happiness and independence, but she wouldn't allow Beth or Jesey to feel sorry for her, enough to offer to give up their own youthful freedom. Katherine knew that deep down she was just plain lonely, not so much for a man, but for a companion and friend, as her husband should have been. There was no way she would submit to her feelings of abandonment and be so asinine as to accept the first offer she might get, if any. In some of her few friends, that foolishness had proved disastrous. This past miserable year, she had quickly learned, as had some acquaintances, that widows were not well accepted in society, as if widowhood were a contagious disease. Although it was a shock, it had appeared to be some unwritten law. While she did have a few friends of her own, suddenly she was not invited to anything, barely acknowledged. Her married friends seemed to fear that her being a widow might make her a threat. Single friends? She just never had any. Frank frowned at that. Hopefully, although she knew this vacation was a luxury she could little afford, it might help her sort out her thoughts and she might find a real zest for life. When Beth was home, at least she pretended she needed a mom. Jesey found it more difficult to even pretend. She was almost too independent, although both girls had been brought up that way. With Frank gone, her children on their own, daily life had become drab, an almost useless passing of time. Kathy had found herself cleaning the house and garage, putting things almost in alphabetical order until there was nothing more she could do, except repeat the process. There had to be a way to find some semblance of happiness and self-worth.

It would have been criminal to shut the windows of Frank's deep blue Dodge Stealth and not thoroughly enjoy the cool ocean breezes stirring up her dark auburn hair. It wasn't actually her real hair color; that had changed so often she had almost forgotten the shade it had been. If memory served, it had once been sort of a mousy tone, like the owner. At first, coloring had been for enhancement until it was needed to cover up the few gray hairs, which still had a strong tendency to seek their way to visibility. Deep hazel green eyes took in the view of the powerful waves crashing on the almost perfect beach, some rock, some sand, while some form of sea life played on the massive brown rocks just back from the shore. Never had Kathy recalled seeing such a vivid blue sky or an ocean so thrilling to view, the sight of which exhilarated her to goose bumps. A thousand words couldn't describe this wonder. Katherine wondered why she had waited so many years to return to the thrill of the ocean.

In spite of his job, Frank had always promised her that some distant day they would take a vacation by the ocean, away from their safe nest in Arizona. It wasn't as if they had lived that far away, but Frank had been content with the Grand Canyon in their back yard, a trip they had taken on rare occasions. It had only been a thirty-minute drive to Williams where they boarded the steam train to the Grand Canyon. Come to think of it, that had been one of their few real pleasures. That too had been a breathtaking view that had mesmerized her soul, as did this exciting view.

Frank had been a toolmaker inspector which had offered him enough of a challenge as well as enough money on which to live comfortably with very little set aside for their future, but that would be many years away. There was plenty of time to do all the things they had planned and still save for that far away day. Unfortunately, there hadn't been the anticipated "plenty of time". Katherine had been reasonably content to just be a homemaker and raise her children. Beth was winning awards in journalism school and ecstatic in her new found independence. Jesey had won all kinds of scholarships for tennis and was excelling in college and in her first year. Once, many long years ago, Kathy had dreamed of becoming an artist, but she had never taken time away from her busy schedule of motherhood to fulfill her aspirations. Now that Frank was gone, she was determined to complete as many dreams as she could while there was enough money and before she would go as suddenly as had her husband. His death had proved to her that life was too uncertain to waste waiting for that elusive dream.

Why is it, she thought, that we always hear about "life is so short," and no one does anything about it. She wasn't the only one she knew who waited for the right time to go forth with their dreams, go places, do things. "There isn't that time," she wanted to shout to her friends. "Why are you waiting? Why did I think there was all the time in the world?"

Years ago, she had read about the famous Madonna Inn just inland from the California coast half way between San Francisco and Los Angeles. A flight would have taken her to either major city in no time and a commuter plane would have taken her close to the hotel. Although it would have been a brief trip, Kathy had decided to drive using Frank's beloved car. It was almost as if he were accompanying her on the vacation. That blue Dodge Stealth, his middle age crisis car was what she had called it. Frank had explained in detail that this would be his last new car and it would have to last for years with special care. Vivid, deep almost electric blue, sun roof, every option available, Frank had cleaned and polished it almost every day, even buying an expensive special electric polisher to maintain its' high gloss. Even in their rare arguments, Frank would quickly walk away to the garage to tenderly care for the real love of his life. She never talked back to him, just held him in her dark blue leather arms and comforted him. Unlike Kathy, who hated wearing makeup and keeping her hair in a tight French twist upon which Frank had strongly suggested, the Stealth thrived with her constant upkeep. Kathy had considered jealous thoughts against Frank's blue princess, but she knew how ridiculous that would sound to anyone in their right mind.

It had not originally been part of the plan to take the car on her vacation, as she had planned to drive her old sensible Oldsmobile. But, "old sensible" was in the repair shop, as usual. Reservations confirmed, plans made, Kathy had no choice but to take the blue princess. At least it gave her some relief from the guilt she felt in some way. It seemed as if Frank was right along side of her enjoying the stimulating view. She could hear his stern voice, "Watch the road, not the scenery. The speed limit is 55, not 59, not 60, but 55." For a moment she glanced over to the passenger seat to see if he was actually there.

The day was perfect; the weather was perfect, even the temperature was just right for an early day in spring. It was sunny enough to be somewhat warm, but breezy enough to need her light gray car coat, a perfect match to her new dark gray pants suit. In spite of watching her pennies, Kathy had felt it necessary to purchase some new things for her vacation. Beth had tried to get her to purchase some brightly colored things, younger styled, but she had refused. She was, after all, a widow.

The place known as Pismo Beach off to her left, as she drove north to her final destination, was a resplendent sight. Only a few stalwart surfers dared venture out to ride those immense waves. Kathy didn't know what would make the waves the best for surfing, but then she would never find that out. Her only sporting activity was her daily fight with the house to maintain cleanliness, a fight that she never seemed to win. Even when her daughters had left home, for some reason, the house was always a challenge. Perhaps it was because she had been fighting that losing battle for so many years.

Although only about fifteen miles from the hotel with her destination almost in sight, Kathy pulled off the freeway and drove down a short side street toward the ocean and parked. Now was the right time to pull out that untouched sketchbook and begin her life as an artist. The sight, sound, thrills of the exciting waves; she had to try to get that immortalized on a plain white canvas. Her hands itched to pick up a brush and put life in an oil painting with her very own signature in the bottom corner.

This would be the first thing she could cross off her little notebook of things she had planned to do before; well, before she couldn't; before she joined her husband in death. The second was almost in view. Two great wonderful indulging weeks at the Madonna Inn was the next thing in her little blue book. Years ago, they had set down with a flyer from the hotel, some post cards and a map of the hotel grounds. This would be the dream vacation to which she had saved regularly. Frank had just wanted to spend a week, frugally, as usual, in the same room. He saw no reason to go to the effort of changing rooms often. They were, after all, on vacation. Kathy had made up her mind that she wanted to spend three nights in as many rooms as she could in two weeks, culminating their stay in the intriguing cave man room. It was there she hoped they might kindle up some kind of romance that had been absent from their marriage of almost twenty years.

He had been a fairly good provider and she had made an adequate homemaker, but there had been little more to their marriage than the convenience. Arguments were few in that she attempted to agree with him at all times, whether or not it was right. It was just easier. Then she did owe him some debt of gratitude. After all, he had taken her and her child into his house when they had been in a desperate situation. Frank, himself, had just lost his wife in childbirth with their first daughter. It would be a marriage of convenience. Kathy had just given birth to her daughter in the same hospital where his wife had died. He needed someone to care for his child. She needed a home in which she could care for her newborn. Frank had given her little Beth his name and raised her to be as his very own. Frank had never asked questions about the father, questions she did not want to answer and a man whose memory brought more pain than she cared to endure. It was again time to get on with her life.

The sun was setting over the ocean. Such a sight! The sky a vivid blue with tufts of fluffy cotton clouds floating past the setting sun. Each cloud picked up varied hues of pinks, golds and shades of orange. The water was taking on some of the reflections and colors. Kathy held her breath, marveling at this wonder. Getting out of the car for a minute, she felt necessary to pull on her car coat, with its imitation fur collar, close to her chilled body. Thank goodness for slacks. Brrr, it was cold. The ocean breeze was exhilarating, but too almost too brisk. It did feel good, but she wasn't used to that chill. To think she would have the enjoyment of this sight for fourteen more days. Perhaps she had best get back on the road, register at the hotel, settle in and explore the rest of this new world.

Without realizing it, she had spent most of her life as a wife and mother with little time for herself. Best not waste a moment of this precious time. She returned to the warmth of the car and headed back to the freeway.

Eleven more miles to San Luis Obispo if her directions were correct. Kathy could hardly wait to aim the Blue Princess North. Soon, she was surrounded by many hills of green, magnificent houses on almost every one. Such mansions! Wouldn't it have been nice to own one of them? Even just to visit one. It was too late in her life to wish for the impossible. She would have to be content with their small home in Arizona, getting more hours at the office, and sell the Blue Princess. This vacation would be her last fling for quite a while, a long while. Kathy supposed she should have saved the vacation fund, but this dream was too important. Frank's unexpected demise had robbed him of the chance of this or any other dream. Kathy was not going to allow that to happen to her. With her children grown and on their own, her life became incredibly lonely. It was if she were no longer needed.

The car radio offered some form of company. Sounds of old songs, gentle songs that brought forward repressed memories of the time in her life when she had been deliriously happy. "Walk on by, wait on the corner. I love you, but we're strangers when we meet." How often those words reminded her of the illicit romance. They had to meet in secret, but when she was in his arms, nothing mattered. "Always, I will be loving you always." How true those words. She had loved him always, from the day they had met, through the marriage to Frank and still. Sadly recalling the times with him brought tears. He was gone from her life years ago, and now Frank was gone as well. At her age, it was too late for a romance. A sob escaped with the knowledge that for the rest of her life, she would remain alone. Maybe it was what she deserved for having the unbelievable joy of the one year with him. Forcibly closing down her thoughts, she determined to try to get on with what time was left to her.

Within twenty minutes, she was heading up the driveway to the Madonna Inn. The exit was so clearly marked. What else would be at the Madonna Road, but the famous Inn? Never had she recalled seeing pink lampposts, but they were perfect for the white on pink gingerbread styling of the inn. Pink also dominated the décor of the white buildings. Rock columns, rock chimneys; she head that the Madonna's had used a great deal of local rock. There were so many things to see, flowers, animals, quaint buildings, but that would wait. Kathy eased the Blue Princess into a waiting parking space near the rock archway that led to the registration office. The young woman at the desk was so pleasant. Muriel was written on the nametag. Kathy felt that the reservation request must have been unusual. First of all, she had requested that she and Frank take each room on their list for only three nights. When she had first made the plans, she had of course, requested the room for two. A phone call, the changes to accommodate only one person; no comment was made. No questions were asked. It was just the same courteous responses.

"Yes, Mrs. Watson, we have your plans as you requested. Your first two nights are to be in our "Old Fashioned Room". As we had notified you, this is the only room in which we could not arrange for the three nights. I do hope this is acceptable. If there's anything we can do..." The comment was polite as had all the communication with the hotel had been. There was in Muriel's voice, such a delightful tone of sincerity. Muriel handed the keys to Kathy. "If you would like to enjoy dinner in our coffee shop, it is now open or our main dining room will be open at 5:30."

"I don't know. It is a toss as to whether to see the room first or explore. Perhaps I had better go to my room and freshen up. That is room 163, correct.

"Yes." She was handed a small packet. "Here is your map. This is your room. There's also a local map of the area, a list of current events going on and mini menus from other restaurants as well as our own famous, and I might add, fabulous restaurant."

"Alright, Kathy," she spoke to herself as she climbed back into the blue car, "this is it. This is your first night here. Your dream vacation. Enjoy every minute, every second. It may not be what you prefer for your life, but you know now, how short life can be." The car headed up the steep hill beside the immense pasture. So peaceful, so beautiful. Katherine was sure this was just the beginning. Parking at the top of the hill, she went up the curving stairs of the hotel carrying only one small suitcase of the four she had packed. Knowing it would be difficult to lug all her luggage with each move, wisely, she had packed the small cases with what she would need for a few days in each one. Within a few minutes she opened the door to the "Old Fashioned Room". It was that, very old fashioned, very quaint. Unlike most rooms, these walls were rounded in some areas and covered with exquisite wallpaper of delicate red flowers. The carpet was burgundy while the drapes and bedspread were dark red crushed velvet. The bed looked Victorian with the high four posts and a dark wood frame, but Kathy knew that king size beds were modern. Lovely, the bed looked to be as high as it was wide. The material of the antiques almost matched the spread except it had more golden accents and coordinated perfectly with the small rocker. Golden lights flooded the room from the old brass and glass tabletop lamp. So quaint, it was like stepping back in time. Kathy was delighted that they had chosen this as their first room. "Hold it," she spoke to her reflection in the mirror. "You are not with him any longer. You are widow and alone." Her reflection stared back. Where had the years gone? When had she gained those laugh lines? The hated mirror told her that she was getting older, not a pleasant reminder. She didn't feel that old. In fact, she had begun to feel as if she were only about 30, maybe mid-twenties. Her body did feel tired, but a quick shower revived her sufficiently that she decided to walk down to the coffee shop. As late as it was, there was no need to fuss that much over her clothing. It was well known that in California, anything went in the manner of clothes, especially casual. Kathy slipped into a plain black pantsuit and added a tan and black print blouse for color. Not that she had worn much color for the past year of mourning. Widow's weeds, her daughter had called her clothing.

For months, she had planned everything, even down to the smallest detail from the main menu that she had received in her initial package. There was that spectacular champagne cake she knew she shouldn't plan to eat, a mile high delicate champagne cake with the Madonna pink frosting and topped with curls of pink chocolate. Hopefully, there would be room after the barbequed primed rib sandwich, Madonna pink, medium rare, she laughed to herself. Since she had eaten nothing other than a light breakfast, Kathy felt she could handle all of that including the salad and vegetable that would come with the dinner.

The brisk wind assisted her gently down the hill toward the rock archway that led to the restaurant area. Through the stained glass windows, she could see the bar and main dining room all lit up. Just opposite the registration office, there was an ornately carved door that she knew led to the coffee shop. Up the short flight of steps, holding onto the carved banister, she quickly found herself staring at the portraits of the two people who had built this paradise, Phyllis and Alex Madonna.

A new tear came to Katherine's eye. Those two had shared a dream and seen it through. What a joy that must have been. If only Regrettably, the world is full of "if only's". Kathy thought back to some of the dreams she had wanted to share with Frank so many years back. As few as they were, Frank scoffed at each of them. It would never have occurred to him to share a dream as these two had done. To Frank, they only way to get anything was to work for it. "Dreams are for fools," he would say. But, she reminisced; he would have, thinking of another. It had been so long since she had allowed herself to think of him. They too had shared so much, exchanged dreams, laughed together and cried together for such a short time. With him, life would have been exciting. Just to be near him had brought such joy, such unbounded happiness. It hardly seemed fair that she had done "the right thing," married another, made Frank a great wife and still... She even lost him. If only...

Chapter Two

That was a noble attempt, Katherine thought as she opened the door to the room. Such a glutton, trying to finish that exquisite champagne cake after the full meal, but it was heavenly, although it would certainly do devilish damage to her figure. Oh, well, she excused herself, she was on vacation and Frank would never again tell her she should watch her weight, consider her health, etc. etc. If she followed through with her plans of living alone the rest of her life, it wouldn't matter to anyone how she appeared. In fact, she might be better off with a few defensive pounds to keep away any unwanted suitors. That might help should she lower her resistance. There had already been a few of the local single men seeking her attention. Most of them were divorced and just looking for a momentary conquest, while there were a few widowers endeavoring to gain a companion or more likely a cook and housekeeper. That wasn't for her. She might miss her husband and definitely miss her daughters, but she was enjoying her comparative freedom.

It was strange to be able to undress right in the middle of the bedroom, not tucked away in the bathroom as Frank preferred, as if they were not married, just roommates. It was almost as if she were a woman of sin. Just for fun, she threw her clothing on the floor and reached into her suitcase to get the hot pink silk pajamas Jessica had purchased as a gift for her for this vacation. They were a far cry from her usual sensible cover-all flannel or cotton nightgowns. Those were the kind that hid almost every square inch of her body. Another of Frank's requests as he preferred she never acted like a wife, not in that sense. In all their years, she had never been able to discover the secret that caused him to reject a real marriage. Of course, there were many suppositions on her part, but she never really knew. Frank just refused to discuss anything.

He would just hold up his hand in a gesture that said stop. "I will not discuss that with anyone. You were aware of my feelings when we married. Enough!" he didn't shout, but he might as well have. Any further discussion would only bring on being rebuked by him. It wasn't worth it.

"Stop it," she commanded the neat side of herself. "Don't you dare pick up those clothes, not tonight. The king size bed was inviting her to turn down that crimson velvet spread and climb in between the soft cotton sheets; Madonna pink again.

"Mmm," Katherine sighed as she nestled in the warmth of the covers, luxuriating in the feeling of the silk pajamas. Not quite ready for sleep and hesitating to turn on the modern television hidden in the cabinet, her mind drifted back to her thoughts when she had seen the portraits of the owners of this fantasy hotel. It wasn't as if she hadn't thought of him since their last meeting so many years ago. She had. Whenever she was lonely, lacking in love or just in need of a pleasant thought, she reached back in her memory to bring him forward. Many were the night he invaded her dreams and her heart. Kathy could always close her green eyes and see his deep blue ones gazing at her with so much love. The dark brown waves and hints of a curl here and there insisted she run her hand through his hair. If she thought hard enough, she could again be in his muscular arms, held against his chest, feeling the strong beat of his heart. Charles was so tall that the top of her head barely reached up to his chin, but that didn't matter. In fact, if there were anything wrong about him, she didn't see it or care. The only wrong was that she could only recall him as she had last seen him twenty years ago. That dark hair would be graying, the blue eyes might have lost that soft sparkle; even those muscular arms might not be as brawny. Kathy had often tried to picture him as he might be now, but failed due to choice, perhaps. It was easier just to remember him as he had been with her years ago and herself as the young naïve girl that she had been then.

Another salty drop escaped, coursing down her cheek onto the pillow. This wide lonely bed. Kathy should have been recalling Frank, but their marriage had been without love, just a convenience for both of them. Their mutual agreement had been made few weeks prior to their wedding and neither had broken that arrangement. Frank was quite firm that he was willing to take care of Kathy and her daughter asking nothing but the façade of them being a good family. Katherine felt that something must have happened a long time prior to his meeting her, other than the death of his wife. He did want a home, but no other family, other than the one child of hers and his only daughter, only a week older than her own. Due to the slight difference in ages, Kathy had to tell both girls that she was a stepmother and that Frank was a stepfather. But no more was discussed.

"No more pain," he had said anytime anything came up.

At first, Kathy had tried to make something out of the marriage, but again, Frank was firm. He treated her with respect, provided well. But once it was certain that he would not father a child, that part of the marriage was never begun. Kathy never again attempted to be a wife in the bedroom. They slept in twin beds to give their daughters some semblance of a normal marriage. Kathy was free to remember her only love, although she knew she shouldn't do even that. The only days, the only nights of ecstasy had been during the year before she had met Frank. Katherine sighed and closed her eyes. At least she had her memories, dreams and her fantasies to alleviate the dull existence; although there were times she wished she could forget her lost love. How many times had she caught herself alone recalling those days with tears in her eyes? It was such a beautiful love. He was such a perfect lover and he was lost to her for all time. Never would she have anything more than the exquisite memories.

Silk again, this time Katherine was wearing a deep navy blue silk dress, very form fitting (and then, she had the form) with white fur cuffs around the sleeves. She was wearing navy blue heels and carried a matching bag, an outfit she hadn't worn (or fit into) for so many years. Waiting, Kathy knew she was waiting for someone, although she didn't recognize the place. A car pulled up and she slid inside knowing this was the right vehicle. It was him. No one else had that smile, that look, those eyes, oh those exciting tempting blue eyes. What was she doing here with Charles? The mirror in the car showed her to be much younger, at least twenty years younger. No words passed, but it seemed as if they were suddenly in different bars, having only one beer at each of the few places. Kathy knew that she didn't drink at all, but he placed a Millers in front of her and himself.

Suddenly, they were close together in the front seat of the car and his arms were around her, holding her close, his lips coming down on hers. The warmth that flowed through her body was familiar, exciting. Every inch of her being was on fire, again. What a wonderful feeling! A question was being asked and Kathy knew that she had agreed. They were at the top of a long flight of steps leading to a small stretch of deserted beach. He held her hand as he guided her down the stairs. Gently, ever so gently, he leaned her back on the warm sand. Sounds of the waves crashing onto large rocks invaded her thoughts. This was a fantasy, a romantic moment only known of in tales, in dreams. Katherine's long auburn hair spread around her head on the sand. The moonlight broke through the clouds as shafts of golden moonbeams highlighted them.

"Oh, Charles," was all she could murmur, her hands driving into his dark hair. "I," she stammered. How could she being to tell him that this was the very first time she had actually known satisfaction? "Charles," she sighed. Never had she experienced such heights of passion that set her body on fire and so much after-contentment. How much she had missed in her short young life. And it was gone... Never again to know that passion, that thrill when he held her close.

Katherine was still breathless when she opened her eyes, deep in the memory of her dream. She had thought of him many times, but rarely like that, especially in the past years. Kathy sat up in bed, catching her breath, wondering why the memory of her first time with him had been so vivid; why now? Perhaps it was that she had finally put the marriage and death behind her, determined to go on with her life as she had done so many years ago.

Oddly enough, they had been thrown together with an argument and torn apart by another.

Just a few weeks past her twenty- first birthday, she had taken a job as a waitress in a local coffee shop. Inexperienced, she talked her way into the job by lying about her experience (or lack of it) and was in a panic when the men from the local milk company came in on their midnight dinner break. Most of the men were sympathetic with her obvious youthful lack of training and verbally assisted her through the first terrifying experience. They would give their order and then tell her where things were, after she placed their order with the cook. No one became angry or annoyed. Right in the middle of the rush, he walked in. Never would she have believed in love at first sight, but there was something about him.

A few nights later on her evening off, she had gotten into the usual argument with the besotted male that was the chosen spouse of her youth. Drunk and abusive, he ordered her to get out and leave him alone with his bottle. Left with no other viable choice, she walked to the coffee shop to drown her own sorrows in a cup of coffee.

When she was sitting at the very back of the shop in a darkened, unused corner, she was surprised to see the man from the milk company come in the back door out of uniform.

"Hello," he came over to her. "Hi there, got room for me at your table?"

"I_mmm...sure." Nothing like an intelligent conversation to impress someone. "Are you working tonight?" That was a brilliant question.

"No," his slow smile made her heart quicken. At least he didn't laugh at her absurd nervous question. "I see you're here at work too. Nothing better to do?"

"I well, yes we were supposed to go out this evening, but...I guess you could say he started without me."

Charles raised a quizzical eye, "You mean he was drinking, perhaps too much?"

"Perhaps, hell. Oops, I 'm sorry. But never mind my problem. That is what it is; my problem and I shouldn't bother you with that kind of nonsense. What about you? Apparently, tonight is your night off. No better place than this gourmet restaurant?"

"I had planned on going fishing on my only night off, but she kept screaming that I was going out with some female. If I went out as often as she thought, I would be exhausted or even dead. I really just wanted to go fishing. I don't cheat on her."

"You don't have to convince me." Katherine rose with her empty cup. "Here, let me get you a cup and re-fill mine." She knew the other waitress was on her break and wouldn't mind the help.

"Still waiting on me? How nice." Charles rose slightly as she left the table. What a gentleman, she thought. He actually seems like a gentle man. Too bad he is faithful, probably loves his wife very much in spite of her jealousy. Could be she even had reason. After all, he was here with her. Stop that, Kathy, she said to herself. It isn't as if you've ever cheated or ever would. She had been raised to stay married and stay constant to her vows although it was becoming more difficult daily. Glancing back, even in the dim light, his muscular features stood out. Why did he have to be so appealing?

"Your coffee, sir, and will there be anything else?" she quipped setting the cup down in front of him. Stop looking at me with those devastating eyes of enticing blue, she begged silently.

"Yes, sit down and talk with me. It seems as if we have something in common. Please? "He gestured to the seat opposite him.

"Okay, I know," she sighed. There was no point in complaining about their respective mates. The few explanations were sufficient. No doubt her husband was a drunk and she hadn't mentioned the abuse. His wife might be a shrew or just a bit jealous and maybe justifiably. "Tell me more about yourself other than your marriage."

"Well, I have a son," there was so much pride is his voice. "Charles Jr. is 6 years old, looks just like me except he is very smart. He'll never be content just to do a laborer's job. I'll see to that. Would you like to see his picture?" Without waiting for an answer, he pulled out a photo of a miniature version of himself. His son was a handsome youngster with a father obviously proud of what he described as the perfect son. "Do you have children?"

"No, not yet. We don't have the best of relationships." Kathy found him so easy to talk to, as if he were her best friend. "I want a child, but I lost a son and nothing since." She didn't want to tell him that she lost her baby as a result of her husband pushing her away from him and her falling down the stairs during her seventh month. Most of the time, her husband passed out in a drunken stupor long before any thought of lovemaking. For that she was often quite grateful. She shuddered at the thought of that man trying his poor attempt at lovemaking. How could it be called that when all that happened was that the man would push himself on her, breath nauseating and either quickly getting it done or him passing out? Lovemaking? Hardly.

"I understand," his voice was tender. "I'm from a large family and would love to have a dozen more children, but she says our son is enough for now. She did have a bad time and right now, her career is important to her."

"There we go, berating our spouses. Let's stick to talking of anything else. Surely, we have different things we can discuss. Where are you from originally? Tell me of this big family, your home."

The hours flew by, Charles talking about his many brothers, his home way back in the hills of South Carolina, his dad who made good ol' moonshine, the best white lightning in the state. They smiled, laughed until tears almost flowed. Like long lost friends, they shared memories and dreams. Afraid of disapproval and rejection, she had never told anyone of her desire to paint, to create a work of art. He only encouraged her dream as she did his of owning his own business, some day.

Catching them so totally engrossed in each other, the heavy set black female cook came to their table. "Chile," she said, talking to Charles, "those men you work wif are gonna be comin' in any minute and you knows what they gonna say about you two setting together like you is doing. Yo shore don' need that, so you scat yourselves out of here 'til theys gone."

Without waiting for her acquiescence, Charles grabbed her hand and pulled her out the back door. He knew all too well what the sight of them just sitting together would do to her reputation. Then every guy in the plant who was so disposed, would be after her for a one night stand or just treat her as a tramp. "Get in, please." He requested opening his car door. Quickly, he drove down the street to park under a large tree away from the light of the street lamps.

"Charles," she whispered. "Please drive over to the next street. That is my house over there."

Again he drove a short distance to another street and parked under the dark of a large tree. Immediately, he began laughing. "I guess I'm not cut out to be a cheat, not parking in front of your husband's home."

"That could have happened to anyone. And, we're not cheating, just friends sharing over a cup of coffee. I know he would never believe that."

"I'm sure you know what you're talking about there." He stopped for a minute as if lost in thought. "Okay, I will. I shouldn't, but I will. Can you get off some night and go out with me? I know_, before she had a chance to answer, "you don't cheat and neither have I, and that is not my intention, but don't you think we deserve some pleasant association? Wait, think about it first," still no opportunity to respond. "I enjoy your company. It's not cheating, just having fun with someone who enjoys my company as I enjoy her friendship. I can take off any night you can get off. Just tell him you're working and I will give you the money you would earn so he won't suspect. No, I don't mean anything wrong. I just want to be with you. Don't say no."

Kathy smiled. "If you had given me half a chance, you wouldn't have to waste all those arguments. How about tomorrow night? I'm off, although I can tell him I have to work and I do know what you mean. We both just need a friend. And no, you won't pay me to be with you."

The next night Katherine spent what seemed like hours to look her best, primping, changing lipstick colors, never satisfied. She kept reminding herself that it was just a friendly encounter. They had already agreed to remain casual. So why was she taking so much care in her appearance? "I want him to admire me," she answered herself. "It would be nice just to have some male think I am pretty, for a change, perhaps even say something nice to me." Finally she dressed in her simple black and white uniform while packing a change of clothing, the blue silk dress trimmed with white fur, in a large black purse. Silk would take the abuse of being crunched in a large bag without making her look as if she had forgotten what to iron it. Again, and thankfully this time, her husband had come home too drunk to care that she had to work all night. Luck was on her side. She had left early enough to have time to change again in the bar where they had planned to meet. Although she knew there were hundreds of flaws in her appearance, all he could do was open up those enticing blue eyes and say a simple, "wow." It was more than enough.

At times, she could tell you every incident, every word spoken on that night. At other times, it was all a blur except for the lovemaking on the beach. In the years she had been married, she had never experienced such ecstasy. Orgasm was such a crude sounding word for such a thrilling feeling, but it was her first and a night she could never, ever forget.

Even at that moment, the memory brought her a shiver to her body. "I guess if that single year was all the pleasure one could know in life, it would have to be enough. It did seem unfair that the brief time with him would be all the happiness she would ever recall. Katherine was certain that few women would know moments like those shared with him. "Oh, Kathy, get on with your life. You have dreams to fulfill, paintings to accomplish, a life to live and he's gone out of your life forever." She admonished herself as she started picking up the clothing she had thrown off the evening before. Seating herself at the desk, she began to write her daily list of things to do. Old habits die hard, she thought as she listed- have breakfast-take walk around grounds-drive to Montana de Oro and decide what to paint-take photos-have dinner in dining room at Inn. Skip lunch! That command was underlined. She felt she had to do something constructive to attempt to keep the weight at an acceptable figure. There, that would take care of today.

Another major decision; what to wear? The need for sensible walking shoes limited her somewhat. A sweater would also be necessary and she had brought only two; black and gray. A little tired of the widow's lack of color, she chose the other requiring her to pick complimentary dark slacks of charcoal gray. Now all that was needed was a blouse of a bright color like the silk red one, another of her daughter's choices. A large gray bag would hold all she needed for the day including her camera and sketchpad.

A myriad of multi-colored flowers greeted her as she walked down the hill to the main building. This time, she skirted the side door and walked around enjoying the colorful garden of pink, white, lavender, gold. Beside another entrance were fountains in small rock pools on either side. Katherine noted the many coins at the bottom of the fountains. So many wishes; hopefully some of them had come true. Taking out a quarter, she threw it in t he larger of the two pools. If a penny will get one wish, I need a bunch, she thought.

The doors were ornately carved with scenes of the inn while the windows told stained glass stories of the place. Multi-colors danced across the rose patterned carpet. Above her head, a Victorian doll, about three feet tall, dressed in a spring gown of white with purple lilacs, stood on the swing moving over the pink and red dining room. Steps led up to what Kathy knew to be both the men's and the women's gift shops, but it was only eight o'clock and they didn't open until ten. Besides, the growl from her stomach threatened to grow loud enough to disturb the many other patrons.

Hot coffee in the attractive blue willow cup, she tried to pretend she was not impatient while waiting on a rather large breakfast of an enticing Fiesta Omelet enhanced by melt-in-your-mouth biscuits. The table itself was covered in gleaming copper and set with vari-colored glasses, incorrect, but perfect. Although there was a basket of sugar and suggested sweet and low, Kathy reached for the inviting shaker of Madonna pink crystalline sugar for her coffee. Looking through the stained glass window, she saw the garden from a different angle and wondered how she could ever leave when the time came. No matter how hard she tried in her home in Arizona, she could never even create a semblance of this breathtaking garden.

Again settled in the arms of the blue princess, Kathy headed for the famous Montana de Oro, the mountain of gold (California poppies). Determined to follow through with her dreams of painting the wildest place on the California seashore, she told her mind to forget about the fantasy of the night. He was lost to her forever by her own choice and never again would she allow his memory to hinder her life.

Chapter Three

It was a relatively short drive and an easy route to the state park that was called Montana de Oro. Katherine had read about it so often that she felt as if she had already been there. It was said that the bravest of surfers came there to experience the wildest waves in California. In fact, she had heard that a short time prior, one of the most famous surfers from Hawaii had succumbed to the waves and lost his life.

Driving up the hill, past the tall evergreens, Katherine noted several well-tanned and extremely muscular surfers on the beach below the high cliffs readying themselves for the ordeal. Age and sensibility would not allow her to indulge in such a risky sport, although she had once risked white-river-rafting many, many years ago. No, she couldn't even imagine herself getting on that flimsy board and subjecting her mature body to such a pounding. She could picture her daughter, Beth, challenging that surf. That one would never miss a moment of life and as a fledgling writer would write every detail of this rare place. Jesey was active in more sensible sports. She would have to take time to compose a very long letter to each her daughters relating the wonder of this area. Perhaps they might join her for a time, although the girls were so wrapped up in their own lives. Katherine did miss them so much. It wouldn't go against her own rule of not interfering in their lives to just ask them to come here for one short vacation; a few days perhaps. Continuing up the hill, she came to the end of the road and a number of parking spaces. As soon as she set foot outside the blue vehicle, the wind grabbed at her hair and tossed it wildly about. It did make her feel so free. Oh, yes, it was a sweater day, at least by the cliffs. A path led in the direction of the ocean, guiding her over a crude wooden bridge and on to the main path toward the high cliffs. Finally, there was an excellent reason for the little bit of excess weight on her body. That wind was strong enough to push a tiny woman right to the edge. Going as close to the rim as she dared, Katherine looked down at the roaring waves as they crashed with such vehemence on the defiant rocks that some of the spray came up to dampen her. There was no explanation as to why a sight like that would thrill her so much. On one hand, it was just water and rocks, while on the other; it was the envious power in that fierce movement of the waves.

"Come along, Frank," she commanded the memory of her deceased husband. "This is where we wanted to go. Walk with me and enjoy the view." Foolish perhaps, but Kathy did feel as if he were walking beside her. They had planned this part of their trip mainly for him, although upon view, it was definitely something for her own memory book. He would be looking down trying to figure out the wave patterns as well as the amount of erosion that these violent waves would cause. So scientific at heart. "Oh look, Frank," Kathy pointed to two seals playing together on a distant rock. Like lovers, they were pecking at each other with little fazing them, not even the crashing waves around them. Wouldn't have been wonderful if she and Frank had shared that kind of loving? It was fortunate there was no one else about to query her conversation with an unseen departed one. The path split up to a main one, apparently a short cut and a narrower one going close along the cliff perimeter. Kathy chose the lonely one as she thought of it, where only one could walk. It was true; she did miss Frank often. Without love, their marriage had been only adequate, but they had some measure of companionship. There were a few things they enjoyed together like classical music and some trips to natural scenery. They had been rock hounds for several years, going out to the desert or mountains, seeking hidden treasures and working on them at home. Katherine, Beth and Jesey still had many pieces of fine jewelry that they had made with their crude equipment. Even their daughters had enjoyed those trips to search for fine gems and minerals. "We did like that, didn't we?" she queried her absent companion. This time she would be faithful and refuse to allow those other memories invade her heart.

In moments, Kathy reached the edge of the cliffs that held at the most interesting erosion patterns. The waves had battered a large area of rock forcing an unusual bridge formation. At first, she pulled out the camera and started taking as many pictures from as many angles as she could. This would make an excellent painting, a real challenge if she could manage to get the depth needed. Just in case it would be too difficult, and not too certain of her artistic abilities, Kathy turned her camera on less difficult views. Standing on a piece of land that jutted out so far afforded her a view as if looking inland at the crashing waves on the shoreline. Beyond the sandy beach, high hills rose in the distance draped in golden poppies, the mountain of gold, Montana de Oro. Looking at the remarkable scenery forced Kathy to take a deep breath. Although she had seen many places, it was there by the ocean that gave her the greatest thrill. Oh to be here while a storm was raging with wild waves reaching all the way up the high cliffs. Perhaps she would be that fortunate while she was staying at the Inn. At least she could imagine what it would be like, ferocious high waves breaking way up on the already beaten rocks, fiercely attacking the rocky shores, dark stormy clouds against a deep, almost blackened sky. Frank wouldn't like it, but she could imagine herself standing firm against turbulent winds, her auburn hair blowing wildly.

Lost in thought, Kathy continued her walk to another jut of land reaching out even further into the deep blue water. The path narrowed as if fewer, less brave people had continued on this far. Golden poppies, lavender thistle and Queen Anne's lace grew wild giving the place an array of color. Kathy felt like one of those weeds, strong defiant but still attractive. She wondered vaguely who decided what were weeds and what were declared flowers or plants. Sometimes, it seemed as if some of the weeds were more attractive and often more hardy than the flowers. The sky above was a vibrant blue with the kind of clouds she used to imagine were different things when she was a child. That had been a favorite pastime, just lying back on the grass and staring up at the floating, fluffy clouds imagining shapes to the misty white formations. Alone, very much alone at the end of the lane, Kathy sat down on the grass gazing out at the vast ocean. Only a few flying seagulls screeched out their warnings to her. A deep breath of the invigorating sea air, the sketch book in hand, she began to sketch the view. If only she could recall when she began the actual painting, the colors, the exquisite colors. The film would help, but she would need to recall the emotions, to put something of the feeling into the canvas. On the side of the drawing, she put down some key words that would help her remember.

For some time, she was engrossed in the sketching, not even feeling the coolness of the evening as the sun began to set until the vivid colors of pink, orange, gold, red, even lavender drifted in and out of the clouds. "Let's see," the words were spoken aloud. No one was there to hear. "That would take alizarin crimson with titanium white, that with cadmium red with white and that yellow ochre, white and a touch of cad red light. She noted the possible color combinations on the sides of the sketch pad as well."

"Better get back," again she spoke to her imaginary companion. "It will probably get chillier before long and I am not dressed for that." Kathy rose and started back along the lonely pathway. There didn't seem to be anyone else in view at all. How could anyone who knew of this place not want to witness such a sunset? Surely the local inhabitants hadn't become immune to such beauty. Standing there, she watched the sun set all too quickly. Before the light could fade altogether, she headed back toward the car. It wouldn't do to lose her footing out here on this lonely path.

The return drive went more swiftly than she had anticipated and it seemed as if in no time, she was back again at the Inn. That night she had promised herself that she would enjoy the luxury of dining in the opulent Gold Rush Dining Room right there at the hotel.

The shower was quick, but she took great care in choosing her clothing for the evening. In the lavish setting of that fabulous room, she wanted to look the part of her fantasy of belonging there. Out of the three elegant outfits that had been purchased for the trip, she chose the most simple. First she slipped on the black jersey long sleeved blouse with the multi-colored sequins at the front of the neck. The long skirt completed the outfit with the sequins at the front of the waist. Low-heeled black shoes and a simple black bag completed the ensemble. She knew earrings were called for, but they managed to pinch her ears in a short time. As a result, that was one set of jewelry that was rarely worn.

A short walk down the gently sloping hill brought her to the side door of the hotel. Once inside, she paused to greet her hosts, the Madonna's, not actually them, but their warm welcoming portraits. She'd heard it said that there was a "magic" surrounding this inn, where love was often found and nurtured. It was kind of silly, but she did want to feel as if she were their actual guest, not just some paying tourist. She smiled at the two in the portraits as if they had personally greeted her.

The well-dressed lady at the rock wall counter took her name just before she escorted her to a booth as had been requested. She was surprised and grateful that they had not refused her the large accommodation. The booths were shades of pink while above were myriad's of lights. The copper conduits that formed the elaborate chandelier effect of lighting in the center of the dining room were designed of leftover piping that had been left over when the building was being completed. Kathy had also read about the swinging doll that had the costumes changed to suit the season. Imitation trees above seemed to be at home with the natural rock décor, as did all the designs.

Although she recalled every item, she accepted the menu. It would have looked foolish not to take it, not that there was anyone to care. In moments, she had received her Pina Colada along with an elaborate relish tray. Although dining alone was not always welcome, this time she was determined to enjoy every morsel and try to imagine she were here with a charming, and very special person. Dinner would be heavenly if he were opposite her, no matter what the food. How many times had that desire invaded her thoughts? At the exact appropriate time, the well-mannered young waiter brought her the crisp salad topped with ranch dressing and the sinful home made hot rolls with extra butter. She took her time; this was dining, not just eating. It was one time she almost wished she were a cigarette smoker so she could relax between courses. As it was, the waiter seemed to anticipate her needs and waited to deliver the filet mignon, which had been open pit barbecued and served with the old fashioned baked potato. It was indeed a dining experience, especially since she had planned the meal for over a year. If only she weren't not enjoying this alone, but he was gone and there would never be another. Of that she was certain. It was difficult to think of spending the rest of her life without any companionship. But at her age and at that time of her life, all she wanted was some peace, a quiet life with no turmoil and no husband to have to please. One divorce, one loss and one death; that was enough for any woman to have to endure.

She was tempted by the exquisite desserts, cream puffs, French pastries and the most gorgeous cakes, but there was barely enough room for the premium ice cream that came with the meal. Still she chose to try the slice of champagne cake that has been on her list of planned meals for the past years. Even then, she found it nearly impossible to finish every morsel of that delightful treat.

While she was there, several couples and a few singles had come in, but the way the room was situated, it afforded a kind of privacy to each booth and table. Although she couldn't see them, she could hear the band starting up on the stage by the dance floor. Again she wished could dance and be whisked about to some old fashioned music. The setting was opulent, elaborate and so perfect for a romantic evening. Perhaps she could leave by that far exit and at least see the couples, if not share in their romance. A tiny tear escaped her emerald eyes. Didn't she deserve some real romance in her life other than a distant memory or had her brief illicit affair condemned her to a life of deserved loneliness? But it was too late to change the past.

As she walked by the other booths and headed toward the dance floor, a seemingly familiar voice caught her attention. It was impossible to see where it came from without making herself conspicuous. That voice, it couldn't be. It must be because she was wishing for romance that she would recall the voice like the one so long lost to her. He would be over 3000 miles away, not there within her heart's reach. That was the part of her life that she would always keep in her heart, but needed to push out of her very lonely mind.

Chapter Four

Kathy hesitated as she strolled through the ornately carved doors that led to the outside of the hotel. Surely that had to have been her overactive imagination and it had been over twenty years since she had last heard the voice that activated her hormones. What would she have done if it were the man of her memories? Saunter up casually to him and say a simple hello? Run and jump into his hopefully waiting arms. Those arms; they had been so strong, well muscled, perfect. She knew she was showing signs of maturity, the imperfections that disturbed her mind. He would never be attracted to her as she was now, but.... Mmmm, she thought as she walked slowly up the hill to her room. If only...there she went again, using that term, wishing for what could never happen, the impossible dream. But...stop it, Katherine, she commanded herself. You are a widow, rather lonely and hoping for the impossible. Just be content with what little is left to you, your dreams, your memories. "My wonderful memories," she sighed.

Once in her room, she lounged luxuriously, still dressed in her full length black outfit. Perhaps reading a book would get her mind off him, as if anything could, once her memory brought him forward out of the depths of her mind. Somehow watching the available, but hidden-in-a-cabinet television in this room from the past, seemed out of place. Of the two books she had bought, only one would do to help her forget. If it proved true to what her friends had told her, she would not be able to put down the first romance book she felt free to read. Frank had never allowed any books of that type in his home. Feet up on the settee, pillow behind her head, she tried to absorb herself in the book. No, it didn't work. Memories kept attacking her thoughts. "Leave me alone," she cried out to her absent love. "Cold shower," she commanded. "Get in there and take another shower, ice cold and forget him."

Clothing was quickly off and packed back into the suitcase in preparation for the next day's move. A pale pink silk nightgown was placed on the bed in preparation for her exit from the shower. The chilling rush of cold water over her hand quickly convinced her that a luxurious warm shower would do just as well. Opening the glass door, she stepped inside, grateful that she had chosen the more comfortable one instead of the torturous method of forgetting.

The scent of her favorite rose soap assuaged her nose while she luxuriated in the thick lather. Relax, she told herself, relax and forget that there ever was someone so special in her life.

Closing her eyes against the sting of the soap, her reluctant mind went back to the time when they had showered together. She could recall how he gently scrubbed her back and then kissed her tenderly on her shoulders in spite of the lather. It had happened shortly after their first time on the beach. Charles had proved to be as excellent a lover each time as he had the first. Kathy had expected that the thrill would fade some with familiarity, but no, if anything it was even better. The more they were together, the more time he took with her, indulging in her gratification. It was as if he cared little of his own pleasure, although their relationship seemed to make him very happy in all ways. In turn, she couldn't do enough for him. He often referred to their relationship as a 90-10, each giving the other the 90.

His hands explored her, fondling and caressing every inch of her waiting body as hers had reached out to learn his muscular frame. "The Braille method" she had joked. In her mind, she relived those embraces, so gentle, so warm, so tingly. Again she could feel him turn her body about and hold her close in his arms against his fabulous body. The warm water was pounding on their heated bodies as they began to make love. Suddenly a burst of ice cold water had forced it's way from the shower head. Inadvertently, Kathy had leaned against the hot water faucet and turned it off. She had screamed. Charles had just laughed as he reached back and turned off the offending spigot. Katherine smiled with the memory. After that, they had barely dried off when he had carried her to the bed where they continued with the passionate lovemaking. He had continued with his explorations of her body using his hands and his lips. Even the brush of the light stubble on his face drove her wild.

Kathy slowly turned on the colder water until it was bearable. "Ugh!" she gasped, the chill invading her body. Hopefully that would do it; take away some of the passion. How could anyone think of "that" when one was shivering with cold? In moments, she was towel dried, in the pink nightgown and warm again under the covers.

"Oh, Charles," she whispered as tears fell down her cheeks. "Why did I have to lose you when you were the only man for me? Why did I have to spend most of my life just existing with the memories of a love like ours? So many little things remind me of you. Everything reminds me of you, a color, a song, certain foods, everything. What choice did I have but to leave you at that time? Did you ever forgive me? Did you forget me? I wish I could forget you and find some peace. That's all I want right now, just some peace in my life. I'm so tired of the pain that the loss of you causes me." Her eyes closed, leaving her mind open to dream of her lost love.

The next morning was bright, sunny, a perfect day and Kathy was determined to keep so busy she wouldn't have a moment to recall her name, much less----what's his name. Silly, she thought, as if anything could make her forget him, his name, his lips...."Stop, Kathy," she commanded herself.

First, she would have to move on to the next section of her vacation, the Romance Room, room 150. It was just one level downstairs from where she was staying on the ornate terrace level. Perhaps she should have asked for different room for that which they had planned. After all, there were one hundred and nine rooms from which to choose, but she had cajoled Frank into giving in to this one whim, finally. Not only did she feel guilty at even the thought of making changes, but also the hotel was so well booked. Her reservations had been made over a year previously. Might as well make the room change before breakfast and avoid the crowded coffee shop. A quick walk down to the office, a simple exchange of keys and she was headed back to the new room, stopping only to exchange suitcases in the car. This new suitcase would have a fresh supply of clothing and travel size toiletries.

If possible, the Romance Room was more lavish than the previous room. The walls were painted in a soft blue while the antique desk, coffee table and end tables were done in a shade of blue gray. The lavender blue Fior de Pesco marble from Italy, long since mined out, was atop the coffee table and end tables. The carpet was more the shade of the marble while the very ornate settee was padded in light blue silk-like material. On the wall was a magnificent oil painting, which typified the California Sierra Mountains. The room was divided with the bedroom area in the upper split-level. Golden chandeliers in each section of the room glowed with imitation candles. There was an ornate golden-framed mirror in the bedroom.

Katherine wasted little time in settling in to this romantic setting. This time she didn't want to dwell on the romantic feeling in the lavishly decorated room. Perhaps that was why she had him on her mind so much lately. Her own home was stark, simple according to Frank's taste or lack of it. Since his death, she hadn't wanted to make changes, although she did plan to do so when she returned. But these rooms; they were designed for romance.

She would have to do something else today to get her mind back on track. Call the girls, that was it. Talking to them would ground her, at least temporarily. She picked up the old fashioned looking phone and dialed Beth, hoping she would be home. After several rings, Kathy was about to put the phone down, when a sleepy voice answered.

"Hi, Beth, it's mom."

"Mom," the voice came alive, "what's wrong? Have you been in an accident? Are you okay?"

"Of course, I'm fine. No, no accident. I just wanted to talk to my girls and tell them what a wonderful time I am having and what a gorgeous place this is."

"Oh, mom, you gave me such a scare."

"I'm sorry. Did I wake you?"

"Mhmm, what time is it?"

"Nine thirty. Go back to sleep."

"No, mom, I'm up now. I was just working late on my book. You know that's what I do when I can't sleep. "

"Which is all too often. I worry about you." Kathy sat down on the upholstered chair.

"Don't worry. I am young and don't need the sleep you older people do." Katherine could almost see Beth's charming smile.

"Forget it, you brat. I may be older, but I'm not old."

"So what are you doing? Get any art work done yet?" Beth had always known how much her mother enjoyed painting, although she rarely took time even to sketch.

"I walked out along the ocean cliffs yesterday and did some sketching. It was gorgeous. The hotel is so beautiful and I am now in the "Romance Room". It's like going back in time. Even the television is hidden."

"So what are your plans for today?" Kathy could tell Beth was just carrying on the conversation, probably anxious to get back to bed.

"I'm not sure. Perhaps Pismo Beach. I hear they have some great views from the pier."

"Umm, that might be nice." Kathy detected a tone in Beth's voice. It was if she was trying to be polite, yet really had more important things to do than just chat with her mom about nothing. Oh, well, that was part of the empty nest. A caring mom would just wind it up and let her go. So she did, without enthusiasm. "Sounds like a really good idea. I'll let you go and I am off to the beach." Kathy tried to sound as if she had a big smile on her face. "Goodbye, baby. Oops, I mean Beth." She knew her daughter had long ago started resenting being called baby.

She hung up. This time she wouldn't disturb Jessica. It was probably too early for her as well and she really didn't have anything to say. The mother in her didn't want to sound like a young teen just home from school.

"Hi, whatcha doin?"

"Nothin. Whatcha doin?"

She had heard this kind of conversation for years when the girls were younger. No, she would get dressed and head, as Beth had suggested to Pismo Beach. There were supposed to be great shops along the beach and as the brochures had stated, a wonderful beach and view. She knew it was reasonably close to the spot where she had stopped off on her way to the Inn.

What to wear? It should be something bright and gay befitting a tourist. Not that anyone would care. Rummaging through her second suitcase, she found a chocolate brown pair of slacks. Not exactly bright, but it wouldn't show any dirt or sand.

What color blouse; it was warm so she wouldn't need any sweater. Coral, which would be bright enough. That was another gift from Jessica. Even though her father had been gone just over a year, Kathy was the only mother she had ever known. Jessica wanted her to stay away from those dreaded "old fashioned widow's weeds."

According to Jesey, her mom was much too young to dwell on being alone. "You were a great wife; you are a great mother and you deserve a new life. Go for it, mom."

Kathy was sure she would never go on to start a new life. Many of her friends had been widowed or divorced. Most of them were comfortable without a man. They had good jobs, maintained nice homes, drove new cars, went out to meals with friends and just didn't feel the need to go through a loss again. After she settled down more, Kathy felt she would probably feel the same way. Two losses in one life were enough.

A quick brush of her hair and she was off to the Blue Monster to take her to Pismo Beach. Kathy read that there were some shops at the mall down the street from the hotel, but she did want to see the ocean close up and preferred to go to touristy little shops that just might have the "something different".

It was early enough to not be too crowded, although she had been warned that lunchtime would bring many to the restaurants there and late afternoon, it could be packed with tourists like her. Parking was no problem right next to the ocean in the rather large lot.

"Let's see," she said to herself, hoping no one would think her crazy. "Lunch first, ocean first or shopping? Well, I am close to the ocean, so that first."

Katherine headed out on the long pier right off the parking lot. Camera in hand, she kept taking photos going out on the pier until she reached the end. Gorgeous blue skies, fluffy white clouds; they would be great for her portfolio of photos she could use when she began painting at home. For a few moments, she leaned on the railing admiring the action of the waves. What power! No wonder people enjoyed living by the ocean. Looking back to the beach, she noted how many people were walking along the shore on the sand. They too were enjoying this scene.

She held up the camera and again started taking as many pictures as she could, walking toward the beach. What a painting this would make. A view of the beach from way out here. It would take most people a few moments to figure out how it was painted if she didn't show the pier. That would be clever, she thought to herself. Very clever. Before she returned to the Inn, she would have to stop at Shell Beach where she first stopped on her first day. That too would be startling views.

But first; Kathy laughed aloud. That was what she was always doing. The girls often kidded her about it. No matter what she had planned to do, there was always the "but firsts". On her way to tidy up her bedroom, but first, she would stop and pick up the mail to go over. On her way out the door to run an errand, but first, she would come across something else that had to be done and even on the way to do that, she might run into another "but first." How she did miss her girls laughing at and with her.

But first, Kathy thought with determination, I will do some shopping. If not for herself, at least for the girls. There was no way she could go off for her vacation without bringing back a bunch of souvenirs. Frank would never have allowed her to spend so frivolously, but Frank wasn't here.

The first shop that caught her eye was a candy shop. She knew she shouldn't indulge, but she was on vacation. Just a little piece of chocolate (for energy, she thought and smiled). Looking at the long counter, she actually gasped.

"Yuck," she said to the salesgirl who was trying to hold back a laugh. "I don't think I want one of those things."

"A lot of people like them. Our teens delight in them and many people send them as gifts."

"Gifts?" Kathy questioned staring at the rows of lollipops. There were lollipops of many different shades and colors, but that was where the sweet part ended. Each had a "thing" inside it. One set was full of bugs, all different kinds of bugs. Another group, labeled tequila flavored had ugly little worms in them.

"Don't you have any edible candy here?"

"Certainly, mam," the young lady was very polite and pointed toward the back of the shop. "In that back case there, we have some very good chocolates."

The good stuff at the back of the store, Kathy questioned in her mind. And that, that stuff right as you walk in. It almost made her lose her appetite, but not quite. "I'll have that piece there," she pointed. "They don't have any ants or stuff in them, do they?'

"No, mam," the girl reached for the good stuff. "I'll be right with you," she called out to two young people at the bug counter.

Carefully biting into her chocolate, Kathy went back out onto the street. How could people lick on those things? Perhaps it would be fun to get a few and give them to her girls. Maybe; she would give it some thought.

Another shop looked as if it were full of tourist stuff and things she might get the girls, other than bugs in lollipops. She knew the girls would not like her buying anything in clothing. As they put it, she had "wagon train days" styles. So many things from which to choose. She picked up a bathing suit wrap of a bright blue Hawaiian style. Now that would be perfect for both girls, each in different colors. Maybe she should indulge in a bathing suit for herself, but she hadn't worn one for years. Terrible, she thought. No matter how much she loved swimming, she didn't swim, so she would not have to be seen in a bathing suit. How foolish to have such vanity. It would be a waste. That would do for a start.

The next shop was a jeweler and while Kathy didn't feel she should spend that much on souvenirs, she was attracted to and did purchase two gold sand dollar necklaces that were on sale.

In spite of the chocolate (for energy), Kathy felt the need to have lunch. There were quite a few restaurants on the street, but the one that appealed to her was the one where they were bar b queuing right inside on the patio. The smell was mouth watering. She stepped in through the front door and upon request, was immediately led to the enclosed patio. Only an iron gate kept the public at a short distance. She ordered her usual diet drink along with the (she was sure) thousand calorie bar b que beef including the fries and cole slaw.

"I'm on vacation," she whispered to herself. If she didn't stop obsessing about everything she ate or wanted to eat, she would have a terrible time. And really, who would care?

A man and woman were walking by the grillwork gate. She was only briefly aware of them until again, she heard the few words in that voice. This had to stop. There was no way he would be anywhere near this place. And that was an older man with what seemed to be a very young woman, long blonde hair hung in a ponytail as they passed by. Kathy couldn't see their faces, but it didn't matter. It wasn't him.

"Enough!" she ordered herself. I'm on vacation. There is no reason for me to keep thinking of someone I haven't seen and will never see again.

It was all she could do to continue on with her delicious lunch as if she had nothing else on her mind. Time to get back to the hotel and get some rest. A good nights sleep and he would never again invade her mind. If only it were him and she could be in his fabulous arms instead of just on her mind.

Chapter Five

This was it, the day Kathy really got on with her vacation. No more cold showers, no more stale memories, no more dreaming of what could never be. Being Frank's wife, she knew life was not all fun and games. Time to take over her life and get with it. "Enjoy this vacation, Katherine. Play with your art dreams. See what there is to see. Enjoy all the good meals you want and then get back to your real life." There were things to plan, things to do, sell the car and start to make a good living for her. Maybe if she looked, there might be other single or widowed women with whom she could make friends. Probably some of the few divorced women of her age would make good associates. Not friends really, just acquaintances; a sort of support group who wouldn't try to get too close. She wasn't ready for that, not yet.

"There's no reason you need to need or depend upon someone from the opposite sex or anyone at all. You can and will be solely independent. It's about time you went forward with your life and do something. So just get with it." Kathy was sure this would be one of many times she would have to talk to herself. Too many years, she had been dependent on Frank. She had allowed him to have total control of her life and now that he was gone, she had forgotten how to depend on the only one she could only depend upon now, herself.

Austerely dressed in a green pant- suit with a subdued tiny floral print blouse, Kathy walked down to the coffee shop, sketch- book neatly tucked in to the large black bag. Today she would explore, sketch, plan her painting time and just stay busy, too busy for memories that had no right invading her life. Peace, Kathy, that's what you want for now, just a peaceful life without any upset of any kind. Somehow, she had to find a way to put him finally out of her mind. "He is gone, forever. You enjoyed a love to which your had no right. You've paid your dues for your mistake. Let go!"

As she had predicted, the coffee shop was almost empty and Kathy was afforded her choice of seats. There were a few secluded booths and several seats around the copper counter, but Kathy chose to sit next to the stained glass windows. So pretty to gaze out on to the flowers and fountains spraying water into the air, just relaxing.

Katherine ordered her usual coffee while trying to make up her mind about breakfast. That wasn't easy with the bakery counter inviting her to sample some of the sumptuous pastries. Then there were the cakes in the dessert stand continuously turning around showing her that every piece was too much temptation. No, no pastries, she vowed. But she did order the baked Roman Beauty apple, something she had not enjoyed for many years. She did like apples baked with a hint of cinnamon, but never took the time to prepare them. What else wouldn't be too much with that? Bagel and cream cheese? Perfect. No, it wasn't the proper bacon, eggs and toast, but then Katherine had never eaten the "usual" meal, except when she was out with Frank, proper Frank.

Suddenly, that voice again. "Yes, I will have coffee. Let me take a minute to check out the pastries." Kathy longed to jump right up and go around the carved wooden back of the booth that held the man with the voice. She couldn't even see the top of his head or if he had a companion or two. Right in the middle of breakfast, what would be her excuse that wouldn't make her appear foolish? What would Frank have said to that nonsense? She was sorry she had ordered an item that could take so long to prepare. If she were finished quickly, she would have her reason to leave, peek and settle her mind. It couldn't be him. Perhaps she could push the food aside as soon as it arrives or she could tell the waitress to forget it as she was in a hurry. Forget the fact that she was no longer going to dwell on the "voice". She had to find out. If she did jump up, who would care if she looked foolish? There was no one there she knew.

The waitress, her waitress dressed in the quaint costume, walked back over to the booth and queried as to his preferences. "I see you have pound cake and could you have it fried in butter for me?" he asked.

That was it. Katherine didn't hear or care what the waitress responded. No one else in this world would even ask for pound cake fried in butter as he had done. Three thousand or thirty thousand miles away, somehow it had to be him. Kathy no longer cared whether she had an excuse or not. She had to see if the voice belonged to Charles. And if it did..., what would she do? What would she say? It didn't matter.

As slowly as was possible under the circumstances, she rose and headed toward the voice. The waitress had apparently left to fill the order he had given. At least if it weren't him, the embarrassment would be limited. Be him. No, don't be him. I don't know, she thought as she neared the booth. Dark curly hair with strands of gray appeared in view. Kathy gasped. The whole room can hear me. Everyone must be watching by now. She attempted to compose herself and appear nonchalant as she rounded the corner to face the single occupant.

"I...I am very sorry to disturb you," Katherine began with her mentally prepared apology to the man she knew couldn't be Charles. "I..." she stammered staring at the very handsome mature man smiling at her.

"Kathy, I was wondering how long it would take you to recognize my voice. I thought that fried pound cake might ring a bell with you. Do you remember me?"

Remember him; almost her every waking thought had been of him in the past few days. It was as if she had felt his presence. Her face blushed at the thoughts she did have in her mind. "I...how, when?" Kathy continued to flounder about.

"Sit down, Katherine, please. Give yourself a chance to compose yourself. I should apologize for shocking you like this." Charles slid over in the booth to allow her to drop down beside him. "Shall I have your breakfast brought here or would you prefer to go back to your table. I noticed you enjoying the view from the window." Did he have to be so composed?

So like him, giving her time to gather her thoughts. He knew how disturbed his appearance would be for her. "Yes," she stated. "Have it brought here. We have the same waitress."

"I know." Kathy knew that somehow, some way, he had planned all of this, but how was that possible?

"Alright," Katherine took a deep breath trying to regain her composure. "How long have you been here? Where did you come from? How did you know I was here? Did you know I was here? Well, obviously you did," she answered her own question. "But how, why?"

"My turn?" his laugh hadn't changed. In fact, he had changed very little. He was a little older, a few gray hairs, but the same build, those same muscular arms and oh, yes, those very same haunting blue eyes, just as vibrant as in her memory. "I've been here a few days as you have. Where did I come from? I no longer live in Miami. I travel a great deal as part of my business. My actual home is not too many miles south of here. Yes, I knew you were here and that is why I am here."

"But how did you know? Why did you know?" They were momentarily interrupted by the waitress, who couldn't suppress a smile, as she put down their breakfasts and quickly refilled their coffees.

As soon as the server had gotten far enough away, Charles continued answering her questions. "First of all, I have kept track of you for many years, during most of your marriage and after his death. I would have come to you sooner, but I wasn't sure how you had felt about him. All I knew is that you were a sudden widow and I couldn't interfere with your mourning. When you started telling your friends and neighbors about continuing with this vacation, I heard of it. I wasn't sure that you would be ready to, at least, talk."

"But what about....?" Katherine referred to his wife. Their relationship had been passionate, neither caring that each of them had spouses until after some time, his wife had discovered their secret. Kathy knew from Charles that his marriage was not the best. But they did have their son and each tried to make the best of what had been a youthful marriage for the sake of the child. The ultimatum was made that he had a simple choice, give up Kathy or give up his son when his wife would file for a divorce. Loving him as she did, Katherine had not allowed him to make the decision. She wasn't even sure what decision he might have made given the chance. The right choice would have been to stay with his family and give her up. She had already planned on leaving her husband. That part was relatively easy. Leaving her lover, that was the hard part, but leave she did. It wasn't until later that she had discovered she was to give birth to his child, a daughter. They had never seen or spoken to each other again until that moment.

Kathy wondered how he had found her, if kept track of her, how, and if he knew about his daughter. What had happened to his wife? She was afraid to ask.

"No more questions now. I do believe we have attracted enough attention, my pretty princess," his old name for her. "After we eat this great breakfast, you and I are going for a drive and we will talk... a lot. That is if you agree to accompany me. You will won't you?"

Kathy nodded her assent and quickly put a piece of the delicious baked apple in her mouth to keep from saying anything, but her hazel green eyes betrayed her. All those years and all she could do was look at him with eyes of love. Her heart quickened as she recalled her dreams of the past few days. Would he still...did he care for her as he had done before? Heavens, how did she look to him after all those years? Why hadn't she worn a prettier outfit? Had she taken enough time for her makeup? She knew better as she often skimped on makeup. So many unanswered questions. The only thing she knew was that she wanted to feel his arms around her once more, his lips pressed hard to hers and...stop Kathy. Stop before you make a complete idiot of yourself, but she was sure she was already in danger of that.

Chapter Six

The meal took hours, forever. Kathy was watching his every move wondering with each passing moment what he was thinking and why he was there. Things had obviously changed for him as well as her. Apparently, he was no longer with his wife, and his son must be in his late twenties and on his own. Not the least bit hungry, she dawdled over the food, hesitating to appear anxious. She glanced up at him, hoping he had completed the meal and they could leave.

"Ready?" he pulled out his wallet and placed some bills in the folder that held both of their checks together. She could do little more than nod as she rose to accept his hand. No more words spoken, Charles guided his willing companion to the parking lot. There he led her to a silver gray Oldsmobile Riviera. Her vehicle was sporty, but this was impressive. Kathy didn't know anything about year, but noted this one was a "Silver Edition". The rooftop slid back to allow the sunlight in through a filtered glass while the dashboard was fascinating. The computer flashed the time of day, inside and outside temperature, ran a scan on the car and all but talked to them. He was obviously pleased with this vehicle, very much unlike the old serviceable one he had driven when they had dated. As he started the car, she wondered briefly if he was aware of the kind of car that she was driving or if he cared.

As they got on the freeway headed south, he began talking to her", Kathy, I've never stopped thinking about you. When you left, I knew why, but it still didn't stop the pain and there was nothing I could do, not then."

"You understood why, didn't you? Leaving my abusive husband at the time was the easy part. In fact, it was the most sensible thing I could have done, but I couldn't let you make the decision about your son and me. We both know that your wife meant what she said about getting custody. You couldn't bear that. You know that."

"I know that, but losing you was devastating. She was right. I had no right to carry on an affair with you. I did deserve to have her divorce me and lose my son, but she let me stay with my promise to stay faithful. But losing you was so difficult to bear. I didn't have the right to ruin your life or theirs any longer. It was quite a while before I dared look for you and then you had re-married. By that time, she and I had agreed that we were only together for the sake of our son and we would stick it out amiably until he graduated from school.

Ah, she thought, he doesn't know about our daughter. That's good. She knew she should probably tell him in time, but in her own time and even that wasn't certain. How could she know what would or could happen between them? If anything. "How long did it take to find me? It couldn't have been too easy."

"It took about two years. You're right. You weren't that easy to find. But I had all the information I needed about you. I knew your name; birthday and I even obtained your social security from the coffee shop you worked at. I know they shouldn't have given it to me, but I begged nicely. You remember the cook; she was most helpful." They were near the beach where she had first stopped when driving in the area a few days earlier. "This is a good spot", he turned off the freeway and on to Shell Beach Road that paralleled the beach. There was less than half a mile of houses between the main road and the beaches. "This is the place", he turned right, and the only way he could go and drove past the few homes to park near a stairway that led to the beach. So much like the first time, except this was in broad daylight. He reached into the back seat and brought out a folded plaid blanket.

Kathy looked up into those startling blue eyes trying to read what might be in his mind. Surely, he wouldn't, not now. So soon. And not in broad daylight.

As if reading her mind, he grinned. "No, princess, I have not planned to take advantage of you here and now. I just thought this would be the perfect place for us to talk. The memories will help both of us get through this. Believe it or not, I am just as nervous as I believe you are." Charles took her hand and led her down the rambling five short flights of steps that led down to the deserted beach.

Neither one said a word as he placed the blanket on the warm sand and each sat down, a proper distance between them, as if afraid the merest touch would spark uncontrollable desires. "I", they both began and laughed.

"Apparently, you know a great deal about my life", Kathy started, so you tell me what this is all about first. Then I'll ask my questions or answer yours."

"Okay", he leaned toward her. She backed away just a bit. "You know, you are still every bit as beautiful as I remembered." Kathy blushed. Twenty years had made a big difference in their appearances, his far less than hers. She automatically began inventorying her flaws, hoping that he would not see any of them. Did he have any flaws? Kathy looked him over, trying to be casual. His dark wavy hair did have those streaks of gray, but that only added to his good looks. Eyes? They were never so blue, so exciting. Body? She glanced at the muscles in his arms trying to see the contours under his loose light blue shirt. Nothing wrong there. And....Kathy, how could you even think of that now...again?"

"Come on, Charles," Katherine attempted to re-organize her thoughts. "Tell me about little Charles. How is he doing?"

He laughed that perfect laugh. "Little Charles? He would be very upset at being called "little". I would venture to guess that little Charles is a little over 6 feet, 3 inches tall, just an inch taller than I am. He is married and the father of twin boys, my grandsons." There was that same pride in his voice as when he had first described his son to her.

"I am so glad he has grown up well. With things the way they are..."

"There were times", he had a faraway look leaving her to her imagination. "At least he is all right now. In fact, he is doing very well. I am very proud of him."

"As if I didn't know that." Kathy felt it would be better to wait until he was ready to discuss whatever happened. It apparently was rectified. "And..?"

"We finally divorced after he graduated from high school. It was time. We both had enough of the pretense of marriage.

Katherine relaxed. She was a widow and he was free. Whatever they did wouldn't matter to anyone except themselves. "When did you find me? How?"

"Actually, a friend of mine is a private investigator and helped me. Missing you, wondering about you, I thought it would help if I at least knew where you were. I needed to know you were safe, happy. It did take some time, but we finally discovered you through your social security number and finding out when you started working part time. After that, it was easy to find out about your marriage, where you lived, etc. As often as he would, I had him verify that you were still there and happily married. I learned you participated a lot in the school, so I assumed you had a child or perhaps two. The papers from your home- town were delivered to me weekly at my office, but there was never anything of note about either of you until his death. Then I waited and waited. I did ascertain that you had booked these two weeks at the Madonna Inn and guessed that you might be getting over...well, everything. In short, I was sure it could be the right time to approach you. Like you, I really fell in love with the place. I knew that when I saw how you had made your reservations. I couldn't believe my good fortune in you coming so close, or was it fate? Is there something so strong between us that we are drawn to this place?"

Kathy sat upright. "How on earth did you find out about the reservations? Is nothing private?"

"Not really, not anymore with the technology we have today. Some time, I will show you some of my...friends...mmm, toys. You won't believe what is out there."

"Be that as it may. Why did you decide to find me?" Kathy longed to hear what she hoped was true. After all her dreams, after all the longing could she possibly find happiness or would things have changed? After all, twenty years? Would she dare trust him after all this time? Could she possibly be so foolish as to risk her remaining years to a man who had broken her heart so many years back, even if it wasn't all his fault?

"Katherine", he hesitated. "I know it's been a long time, too long, but I have not been able to forget you. I didn't want to forget you. There was a lot of love, a lot of passion between us at one time. Your husband, I don't know how you felt about him or if you are still grieving. This year in particular, has been torture for me waiting to come see you. I only know that we need to talk, get together, see if we can begin, as we should have done years ago, each alone. We were both wrong in that relationship and believe me; I have endured all these years waiting until the time was right. I can only hope that this time, it is the right time for us."

Kathy clasped her hands around her knees staring out at the cerulean ocean, silent and calm as if it too were awaiting her answer. In the distance, she could see the long pier at Pismo Beach jutting out into the water and beyond that the sand dunes. Her heart and body knew what she wanted to say, but her mind, that was another story. If she rushed into this, she would be giving up the longed-for peace in her life. She could be risking her relationship with her daughters. If she did go on with this, Beth would find out about him being her father. How would she take that? Would she understand her mother? The youthful passion, would it still be there? Could they adjust to each other, be happy together? She might have to give up the art that she had waited for so many years. Frank had objected to his wife wasting time on a foolish and expensive hobby. Finally she had the freedom to do what and when she desired. She didn't want another man having any right to make her decisions. Katherine accepted the final fact that she really didn't know Charles at all; just a memory of his body. Then there was Beth. How would he feel once he knew he had lost all of the years with a daughter? Would he understand or condemn? There were too many unanswered questions for her to make any kind of decision at that moment.

"Charles", Kathy sighed. "More than anything, I want to jump into your arms, forget the years and begin as if it were that first night right now, but..."

"But?" he queried forcing himself to hold back from grabbing her into his anxious arms.

"But", she continued. "I can't. No" she caught his un-asked question. "It is not my being a widow. I will have to explain that later, but for now, it's been so long. I'm not sure we are still right for each other. The changes. There are things we don't know about each other."

"Kathy, there isn't anything that I could find out about you that would change my mind."

"Perhaps, but we need time to renew our relationship, time to learn about each other. I will be here for two weeks. Well, I guess you already know that. How long had you planned to stay?"

"Until I have you where you belong. Two weeks, two months, two years, whatever it takes."

"What about your job?"

"I own my own business and I can leave when I want for as long as I want and it wouldn't matter anyway. Even if I didn't, nothing else matters except you. You are my only priority. So what do we do now? Shall I ask you for a date, our first date?" His boyish grin brought back the sensual memory of that first night with him.

"Yes," she also smiled. She was sure she knew exactly what he was thinking. "But a date. This time, let's take it slow."

"Whatever you wish, my princess. In that case, let us get out of here before the sun sets and I forget myself. This is going to be one of the most difficult things I have ever done. At least this will help show you how much I really do care for you."

For a brief moment, Kathy was struck by the lack of certain words. She knew she had asked him to take it slow, but not once had he told her he still loved her. Every word beat around that commitment. Did he love her still? Did he ever? Or was she just a convenience to a man who wanted as sexual encounter back then? What was his purpose now? Katherine would soon find out. They headed back toward the Madonna Inn and their first date. Would he be able to keep his passions in check while they re-discovered themselves? Could she?

Chapter Seven

The music from "Phantom of the Opera" was playing softly on the tape in the car on the drive back to the hotel. Almost at a loss for what to say, Katherine tried to make idle conversation. "Have you seen that play?"

"No," he kept his eyes on the road. "I had always planned on it. In fact, there were many things I had planned to do, but kept putting off. Never took the time. It's supposed to be pretty spectacular. Have you?"

"No, but I had intended to go to San Francisco after I leave here and see it before I return home." Her voice was cool, crisp as if she were talking to a stranger.

"Would you care to go and see it with me?"

"That would be nice."

"Great!" Charles sounded somewhat annoyed. He said no more as he took the Madonna Road off ramp. Katherine wasn't sure what was wrong. She looked at his face trying to determine what had caused his upset. Surely the brief discussion about the play had been no reason to show such emotion. As soon as they had parked just outside her room, he turned to her.

"Katherine, I know we had agreed to take it slowly, but let's not act like perfect strangers. Your voice is so impersonal; you could have been talking to someone you'd never met before. We were lovers, my princess, real honest passionate lovers. It may have been years ago, but it happened and it meant so much to me. I promise, I give you my word that your virtue is safe, at least for now. I want to get to know you, as you are now, court you and perhaps in the future, resume where we left off. I don't know if we are in love, will be in love, or how we will feel, but please, give us a chance. Don't be so formal, and don't feel as if you must hug that car door every time we go out. You can sit closer to me without fear."

"Is that all? I couldn't even imagine why you had gotten so upset. I am sorry if I seemed so formal. Well, no, I'm not sorry. Silly habit we have of apologizing so readily even when we don't mean it. It has been a long time and I am not sure how I feel right now. I know it's an old cliché, but this is so sudden. I will try to relax, but you will have to be patient with me. There has been twenty years or so. We were once lovers, impetuous, foolish, young and we ignored those we hurt. While I didn't care that much about the man to whom I was married at the time, I did owe him an obligation. I should have respected my marriage vows. We both owed your wife more respect than what we did. There were vows we took and broke without regard to anyone else with all our poor excuses. My husband was abusive and a drunk, so I thought it was fine to be with you. Your wife was not as attentive as you thought she should be, so that was our excuse there. They were our choices at one time and we did make vows to both of them. They deserved better. I established a new life. You are at this time, a very fond memory. I don't know you as the man you are today. You don't know me. We need a lot more time to get to know each other."

"Of course. I was just afraid you wouldn't give us a chance."

"I will. But, you have to understand; we are like strangers to each other. I'm going to be very careful I don't let old, almost forgotten emotions take over. You will have to be patient and if I decide this is not working, I don't want to worry about you making it difficult for me. I promise to give us a chance. Now, my handsome escort," her attitude changed. "What are your plans for the rest of the day?"

Charles smiled that very special smile that had remained in her memories for so long. She felt her heart flutter recalling that grin, along with the butterflies that flittered about in her stomach with thoughts of getting involved. "There was a late breakfast, so missing lunch doesn't matter, but I would think a nice dinner would be on the schedule. I tell you what; let's have room service in my room or yours. We have so much to discuss and I don't want anyone around, just us two. Now, don't give me that look. You will be perfectly safe."

"Charles, I wasn't giving you that 'look' as you say. I agree, we will be more comfortable alone and I do trust you to a point and I also trust my instincts. There is so much to say and we do need some privacy that the dining room won't afford us. Let me freshen up and you can come for me to dine in your room at about...?"

"Six. Shall I order for you or do you want to wait or would you like to call in what you would prefer?"

"Yes, you order. Do you recall my preferences? After all these years? No matter, whatever you order will be fine. My room number is...."

"I know. And yes, I do recall. I remember every special minute, every hour with you in and out of my arms. I have never even had a cup of hot chocolate without recalling how we used to share one on those chilly damp mornings." Those blue eyes had a faraway look. "Pick you up then?"

Was there anything about her that he did not know, except....? Kathy wondered as she closed the door to her "Romance Room." Good thing she hadn't chosen this one in which to have dinner. How long would their good intentions last with all this about? Hopefully, his room was less opulent, more on the masculine side.

Kathy lingered in the shower, trying a few different soaps until she felt that one had the right scent. That was one of her few luxuries of using different scented soaps. Standing in front of the full- length bathroom mirror, she took careful stock of her mature form. Those stretch marks from her child had never fully gone away. The scar from the surgery only looked worse. As she had matured, so she had lost that youthful firmness in her breasts and no matter how much she had exercised, she was still far more round than she would have preferred. As the years had gone by, she hadn't minded that much that Frank had no interest in any of the physical side of marriage. Busy with her children, her home and all that was otherwise required of her, Kathy had adjusted to his lack of attention. But now, there was the possibility that she might again be under a man's discriminating eye. Would he want this body or would he cringe at the flaws? Perhaps, Charles too had some secrets or perhaps they would now have nothing in common. That time was a time of youthful passion. This was now. He did accept her suggestion to wait a little too quickly.

Stop, Kathy, she told herself turning away from that hateful mirror that only told her the truth, not what she wanted to see, almost as bad as the large golden mirror from Snow White. Get dressed, get attractive as you can and enjoy the evening. Remember, this may not work for one or either of them. Memories are great, but reality will win, no matter what the reality may be. Now what to wear? Katherine wished she had brought more attractive clothes, but she had not planned on being with anyone. Maybe she would have to do some shopping to get some more appropriate clothes. The jersey dress of last night was nice, but he probably had seen that when she was in the dining room. The black suit; no, that would be too austere. She held up the purple caftan trimmed in gold sequins about the collar and wrists. No, that too was thrown down as being too formal.

"What is wrong with you?" she asked her reflection. "You're acting like a school girl on her first date. It's a good thing you didn't bring too many clothes or all of them would be scattered about this room." Simple, casual, colorful, that was what was needed. Kathy brought out her new forest green jacket and slacks along with a bright peacock print blouse. Perfect, she hoped. Glancing at the clock she realized she had only ten minutes to complete her dress. Barely enough time for a hint of makeup and a spray of "White Diamonds," another one of her few extravagances.

Exactly six o'clock came a knock on the door.

"Boy, have you changed your ways. I never knew you to be so on time," she exclaimed opening the door. Dressed in gray slacks, blue jacket and light gray shirt was the man of her dreams, so casual, so perfect. Had he been like that before as a younger man or had she been blinded by love? Kathy only hoped she matched up to his expectations, as she wondered what his expectations might be.

"Come on," he held out his hand. "We have a very short way to go to my room. It's just up this flight of stairs and at the left end of the building, room 160. Actually, it's two doors down and up a few steps from the room you had the first two nights you were here. That was torture for me. Wait till you see the view from the balconies."

In moments, they were at the door and he ushered her inside. It was so much bigger than she had anticipated for a hotel room. It had been one of the rooms she had considered, but had decided that it was too large a room for even two persons to occupy and a bit too expensive for their budget. The "Austrian Room" was seventy-six feet in length, and had beamed ceilings sloping up toward the roof. Blue and white wallpaper covered the rounded walls while a vibrant blue rug went from wall to wall. There was a definite division between the opulent spacious living room and the luxurious bedroom. An off white couch was sided by white marble topped end tables with a marble topped coffee table. Between two high backed white chairs, at the other part of the living room was another marble topped lamp table. The exquisite golden mirror was well balanced by the golden chandelier. Kathy felt as if she should be wearing a ball gown to dine in this room.

Charles continued to lead her through the elegant room toward the balcony that provided a great view of the quaint town of San Luis Obispo. "The weather is perfect to dine out here, don't you agree?"

"Yes, what did you order?"

"It should be here in a few minutes. I hope your tastes haven't changed. I thought we could share a shrimp cocktail, share a spinach salad; they are so large and I thought you would like a filet mignon while I ordered the prime rib. That way we can enjoy a taste of everything and still have enough room for the dinner portion. Of course, if you want something else or you could have the prime rib or..." the perfect man stuttered.

Kathy laughed softly. Nothing could have made the moment more relaxing than for him to be nervous. She wasn't alone in her assessment of the situation. "No, no, Charles, I couldn't think of anything I would like better. I always did like our crazy way of ordering so we could enjoy different things. I haven't had a spinach salad for,..for years. Strange, isn't it that we, at least, I only order things out of habit, not what I really might want."

"I guess I do the same thing. My business keeps me on the road so much that I usually just order something substantial without concerning myself about enjoying a meal."

"Speaking of business, what line of work are you in right now?"

Kathy's query was interrupted by a knock on the door. He left her side to allow the waiter to bring in the cart with their dinner.

"Let's enjoy this first. What would you like?"

"I'd like to have my half of the shrimp cocktail and a little less than half of the salad. Your suggestion of steak is fine with me or we can halve both meats and share them too, but I would like smaller portions, if you please."

As they began their meal, Katherine again asked about his business.

"Never mind that right now. Tell me first about your family, your daughter. I was so happy for you when I heard you had at least one child. Is it just the one or are you blessed with many more?"

There it was; the question Kathy knew would come. How much did he really know? They had once promised honesty always. Katherine decided she would have to tell him the truth, but not immediately. My Beth, Elizabeth, is close to graduating from journalism school and doing quite well and Jessica is also doing quite well."

"Two daughters. That's wonderful. So, you're not a grandmother as yet. I told you, I have two grandsons. Charles Jr. is doing very well now although there were the times I thought I would never see this day."

"Why? What happened?"

"I hadn't planned on discussing this so early in getting to know you again, but, well....my son got involved with drugs when he was sixteen. There's no point in going into detail. I am sure you have heard enough about what families go through when that happens.

"Yes, personally, I haven't had to go through that, but my friends...A number of them have had that problem. It was horrible. I can understand why you may not be prepared to discuss it right now. Maybe later?"

"Of course, and it is in the past. I'm glad you haven't had to endure that with your daughters. What are they like? I hope they look like you."

"Oh, both girls are very attractive, Beth is dark haired and look a great deal like her father. Very little of me in her. Jesey is just the opposite, very blonde and tall."

"That's too bad. I mean, it would have been great if one of them looked like you, but great that at least one of them looks like her father. What are the girls like? Do you have photos of them?"

"Of course, never leave home without them. They're in my room and I'll be glad to show them to you later. What about photos of your son and his family?" Changing the subject, how would she show him the pictures of her daughter, Beth, after telling him she looked like the father? Could she possibly tell him about their daughter? Just blurt it out? By the way, she is your daughter. No, not yet. She would have to be very careful. The right time would come. Or not. It would come in time one way or another.

"Naturally, I have tons of photos. I didn't want to bore you the first evening here. I'll get them out right after dinner."

The sun was setting as they completed their meal. They should have been naturally hungry after the full day, but though the meal was delectable, they both had trouble finishing it. There were so many things unsaid, things that could affect the rest of their lives. It was obvious that he had planned to come with the full intention of continuing some relationship with her. He did know so much about her, while she knew nothing about his past years. There was no escaping the fact that at some time she would have to tell him about their child. How would he take that? Well, there was no sense in going on until she was certain that the relationship would continue.

The chilling fog was rolling in from the ocean and Charles took her willing hand to lead her to the plush couch in the living room. "Let's have our coffee in here. It's getting too brisk out there for you. You know you have to watch your health."

"Now, what makes you say that?"

"I told you I have kept tabs on you for some time. Didn't you think I would know about that heart attack you had three years ago? That was one time I almost forgot you had a husband, but I didn't, though it tore me apart. I had no right to ruin your life. Every day you were in the hospital was a torture for me. I did call often, but most of the time, the nurses insisted that there would be no information given except to a family member. I even lied a few times in desperation. I was so relieved when they said you would be fine and were going home. Now, let's get out of this night air."

Kathy nodded in agreement. "It really wasn't all that bad, more of a warning. I've been careful since then, take my pills, watch my diet and exercise almost as much as I should. No stress except for....but that's past. All I have to do is take any situation; decide if it is worth my life and if it isn't, I don't allow it to be that stressful."

"You make it sound so simple. Just re-organize your thinking. I was so worried when he,when he died. I wasn't sure you could handle all that stress. But I was afraid if I showed up then, it would only be worse for you. So I waited until now."

I really should tell him. Tell him right away and get it over? How? The thoughts raced through her mind. It wouldn't be right. Suppose they didn't get along as well as she hoped. She wasn't even sure of her own emotions. Suppose that times had changed both of them enough that they wouldn't be able to work things out. It wouldn't be right to have him find out he was a father of a daughter and then lose her if things didn't work out. No, no, she told herself. Wait. There'll be time.

"Charles, I am so glad you did wait. It would have been too difficult back then. We had made so many plans for when he retired and his death came so sudden. It was a hard time for me and my daughters," she added.

"Kathy, I hate to say it, but I think I had better take you back to your room now and we can exchange photos tomorrow, in the light of day."

"But, oh, I understand." She smiled realizing he was having some difficulty controlling his emotions. So, she still had "it". "Fine, perhaps it is best."

"Yes, my princess, before I forget that promise. Don't smile so much. This is killing me, but I'm determined. I'll be a gentleman no matter what. We will have plenty of time, tomorrow and more."

Chapter Eight

In a few moments, they were standing in front of her door. Charles took the key from her hand and turned the lock opening the door allowing her to go on, alone.

"I understand why you wanted to cut the evening short and I am flattered," she began, "but there is just a little bit more that we should discuss if we are to give ourselves a chance. Please come in for just five minutes and let's get that out of the way. Please."

"Not much I can do when you put it like that, but don't blame me if I can't keep our promise." He laughed nervously. A still tense Charles looked about the room admiring the exquisite décor. "Odd, we have almost the same colors in our respective rooms, although I think yours if more suited to my simpler taste. I really wanted a room that would impress you when we finally did meet, so I chose the more opulent one and the biggest."

"It was most impressive. I hope it wasn't too expensive for you."

"No, not at all. These days I can afford what I want."

"Great. I am glad to hear that and speaking of what you can afford; I want you to know that no matter how curious I have been about your line of work, you don't seem to be quite ready to tell me about it. That's okay. Right now, we have barely met and I for one have hardly gotten adjusted to the idea that we are even here, together."

"Neither have I." His voice was almost a whisper. "I had planned for this so long and yet, I find it difficult to believe."

"In regard to that, although you seem to know more about me than I do myself, there are things I am not ready to discuss. I feel there is no point going into our life details or possible things we are not ready to divulge. You are reluctant to discuss your work and I too have things, well, secrets. At least, I think they are secret."

"I don't know everything about you. I'm sure there are a few things I missed. And I agree with you about taking our time to discuss everything." He stepped closer to her.

"Slow down." She held up her hand. "I want to make this clear. It is possible that we have nothing more than memories of a youthful passion. There may not be any love between us. Why don't we start slowly, get to know each other as we are now and not worry about any respective secrets until and unless the relationship progresses the way it might."

Charles breathed a deep and obvious sigh of relief. "That takes a lot off my mind. I'm willing to wait, although I can't imagine what hidden things you might have that I don't already know. There are however, a few things about me that would be easier on me if we do wait, just a bit."

Kathy laughed. "You may have all these resources at hand, but there are things..... But if our situation is correct for both of us, I will tell you. If not, then there is no need to know."

"Agreed. Nice painting." He gestured toward the mountain landscape hanging above the settee, ready to change the subject. "When are you going to start painting?"

It was as if he still knew her every thought, her every move.

"Now, how did you know about that?"

"That is plain obvious. No secret. Remember that we used to talk about your dream of painting some day. I knew you spent all your time being a good wife, mother and wouldn't take time to pursue your art. Certainly, after seeing all this scenery, you must have gotten back that desire. I bet you have sketch pad in your car right now."

"Right. How well you know me. There never was time to paint, not with my daughters and all the school activities. Recently, I decided that I would finally try, at least." That was quick.

"Great. Now sweet princess, I am going to have to leave you before, well, before I can't stand to leave you ever."

"I understand."

"How about I meet you for breakfast and then we'll make plans for tomorrow? That is, unless you already had something planned for tomorrow. I just want to spend every safe minute with you."

"Safe minute?"

Katherine, don't tell me you don't know what I mean. Twenty years, four months and six days and you expect me to forget those precious moments with you?"

"Is that the exact time we've been apart?"

"Yes it is. I've counted the days, haven't you?"

"No, I thought you were lost to me forever. I tried to put you out of my mind. "Although," she thought of the previous days and the memories that had driven her wild, "it hasn't been easy." What would he think of her if she told him how he had invaded her life, her dreams and her desires?

"Kathy, my sweet princess, it has been miserable for me. I've had you on my mind day and night, hoping that the day when come when I could feel free to go to you. When she and I divorced, it was a relief to both our son and us. We knew we had struggled to long, but I felt the obligation to try to make a go of it. I even tried to forget you for a few brief minutes. It didn't work." He stood at the door as if wanting to stay while afraid of what might happen if he should.

Katherine smiled up at his obvious emotions. Who would it hurt at that moment if they just took up where they had left off? She was no longer capable of having a child and neither had spouses. Her heart and her body ached to pull him to her, comfort and love him as she had done so many years before. Feelings were welling up in her that she had long denied existed. For so many years, she had put off any natural drive that she had begun to feel as if she were no longer capable. Perhaps it wouldn't hurt if they became a little closer. Her body was beginning to feel as if she were twenty years younger. The once familiar burning sensation was starting to overcome her reluctant, well, not too hesitant body.

It was Charles that stopped her, though he didn't realize it. "I am so glad we decided to wait until we are certain this time. There is so much to learn about each other before we commit ourselves. I don't want to have a quick affair that is over when we part. If we get together this time, I want it to be forever. So my precious one, I had better go before I forget.... Well, forget, you know. I'll be here at....what time would you like me to come here to get you for breakfast?" Charles knew how he felt about her. There was no doubt in his mind, but Kathy, could she possibly understand and accept him including the line of work her hesitated to discuss with her?

"Five too early?" she quipped laughing at his return expression. "Okay, how about seven?"

"Five is fine, but that won't give you much sleep and I have planned a busy day. Seven is much better."

"Do you honestly think I'll sleep well tonight with you on my mind?" The words of praise came easily to her lips. She meant them.

"In one way, I want you to stay awake all night thinking of me. In another, it would be best if you get your sleep and prepare for tomorrow."

"And what, sir, are your plans for me?"

"I'll tell you then."

"Charles," she became serious, "just one quick question about your line of work. Is it dangerous?"

"It can be some times," was that a slight quiver in his voice? "I promise we'll talk about it soon, perhaps even before we get closer. It is important that you know what I have been doing the past years before you make any decisions. I don't think it is what you expected of me and I am not sure it will meet with your approval. Goodnight, Kathy, I'll be here at seven, sharp." He quickly left afraid she might detain him with questions he wasn't ready to answer.

Kathy looked after the quickly retreating figure. What could it possibly be about which he was so concerned? He wasn't a gangster type and she was sure he wouldn't be involved in any wrong- doing. His age eliminated many foolish and dangerous occupations. What if he was involved in something she could not accept? Would that be the end of their relationship? Frank's work had not been considered risky, but he had died all the same. At this time in her life, at any time in her life, nothing was secure, safe. One could get killed in a plane, walking across the street, almost anywhere at any time. Still, it was something to consider. It would be devastating to lose Charles again, especially after her recent loss of her husband. But she was reaching the time of her life when losses would become more and more the norm. Of that, she was painfully aware. The mental argument continued. "I forgot to show him photos of Beth and Jesey or was that deliberate?" was her last conscious thought. Sleep did not come easily, but finally her tired eyes closed to give her some measure of sleep. Morning couldn't come too soon.

Chapter Nine

Five o'clock, right on the minute, Kathy woke, angry with herself for putting that time in her mind. It had been like that for years. Whenever she mentioned getting up at a specific time, her mind would waken her. Even when the girls were older, if she knew they were to be in at a certain time, she would wake right at that moment. Annoying bad habit.

There was no point in even attempting to return to sleep. Might as well shower and pick out what to wear. Although she didn't know his plans, she assumed California casual would be appropriate. No, not a black outfit, not the "widow's weeds". There was that electric blue suit that was her favorite that along with a plain pale blue blouse; could be stunning. Short blue heels and bag matched perfectly. Fashion had never been important to her, but when she had made her plans to come here, she wanted to look right. Just a hint of makeup would do for the day. Should she wear perfume or would it be too enticing? There was a time when she would never have worn any makeup, but age had taught her that some things were unavoidably necessary. There, she thought as she gazed into the mirror, only an hour to go and I'm ready. Time to take that little healthy walk she had been neglecting since she had gone on vacation. That was no way to keep her figure, never easy to do.

First, off with the heeled shoes and into flat shoes that were better for walking. Quietly, lest she disturb her neighbors, she shut the door and headed toward the winding stairs that led down to the lowest level. There were so many rock rooms at that level. One of them would be the Cave Man Rock room where she planned on spending her last nights here at the Madonna Inn. Another would be the Jungle Rock room. It appeared as if the hotel was quite full with the many cars parked everywhere. Either route she chose would lead to an uphill climb on her return. Going down the hill toward the main building would be easy as would the return up the gentle slope, but wouldn't be the best exercise. On the other hand, if she walked around this part of the hotel, it would lead her uphill to the back entrance of the hotel. That way, if she were out of breath as she anticipated, there would be fewer people, if any, to see her gasping for air. Katherine knew that the few weeks she had not been walking had put her out of practice. She chose the latter route.

The white gingerbread balconies really gave the place a great deal of charm. She noted that the large rocks that had not been used in the actual building were used to fence in small garden areas close to the building. Most of the windows were of stained glass scenes depicting the building of the hotel. Trying to forget the hill and keep from listening to her own short panting for breath, she gazed out at the large pasture and horses with a building very much similar to the design of the hotel, off in the distance. She supposed it might be the residence of the Madonna's. It was so beautiful and serene at that time of morning. It was so quiet; she could actually hear birds singing. Finally and completely out of breath, she reached the top of the hill with the small, almost empty parking lot at the back of the hotel. For a moment, she gazed at the architecture, so detailed even from that view. The bricks on the chimneys were so patterned as to give them a unique appearance. A narrow bridge adorned with the same ornate railing led to the back entrance on the third level. As she entered the passage to the rooms, she heard a car pulling into the parking lot. Out of curiosity, she looked to see who might be pulling in at such an unusual hour. When she saw it was Charlie's silver Oldsmobile, she hurried down the hall where he could not see her. There was no place to hide, so she started down the winding stairway to the deck where she could stand back in an almost hidden area and observe him.

What was he doing out at this time of day and apparently in the same clothing that he had been wearing the previous night? Perhaps he could not sleep either and he had gone for a drive. No sense in embarrassing him by having him see her. He appeared as if he were so tired, he could barely bring himself to put one foot in front of the other, as if he had been out all night. She quickly pulled back so that she would not be seen, if indeed he were awake enough to see her. In moments, he was climbing the short flight of stairs that led to his suite. Kathy waited a few more minutes, and then went to her own room.

Katherine freshened her makeup, trying to look as if she had only just prepared for the day. It was still difficult to sit and wait for him to arrive. Precisely at the expected hour, there was a knock on the door.

"Good morning," he appeared as bright as if he had slept the entire night through, although the dark shadows under those blue eyes convinced her that he had been completely without rest.

"Come on, Charles, I'm just about ready. Can you sit down for just a minute?" Kathy's memory went back to when they were dating, each working a graveyard shift. Often it had been difficult to get rest on a regular basis, much less their stolen moments. One thing she recalled was whenever he was overtired; he could hide it until he sat down in a comfortable spot. Then his traitorous body would take over and he would fall into a deep sleep. Katherine was counting on that. Their time together could wait. Knowing he couldn't possibly fall asleep on the old fashioned settee, she had wisely put her open suitcase on it.

"Here, Charles," she gestured toward the made bed," have a seat here while I finish brushing my hair." Too tired to argue, he sat down and in moments was leaning back against the propped pillows, fast asleep. Kathy was certain it would be hours before he would wake, plenty of time for her to go down to the coffee shop and enjoy a hearty breakfast. She was in fact, just a little angry with him, although she did leave a note she knew he wouldn't waken to read.

Too lost in thought to order anything special, she mused over her aromatic coffee until the waitress suggested a special of turkey and broccoli omelet made with healthy egg beaters or... Kathy stopped her from any further suggestions as that one whetted her appetite. Waiting for her meal, she continued to think about Charles and why he had gone out after their date. Wasn't it he who stated they needed their rest for the following day's plans. What could it have been to make him leave and stay out all night as he apparently had done? Perhaps it had something to do with this business that he had been so hesitant to discuss with her. How could she possibly continue with a relationship full of deceit? The thought that he had been keeping things so important to them from her brought a few tears to her eyes. She picked up the pink napkin and dabbed them away. He couldn't have been lying to her about his wife, could he? No, that was one thing she believed impossible. She tried to convince herself that he would tell her when he woke and it would be acceptable. There was no point in speculating fearing the worst.

Without really meaning to eat all her breakfast, it was so delicious that the plate was empty before she realized it. Requesting a cup of coffee to go, she returned to her room. As she anticipated, he was still fast asleep just as she had left him and the note was left untouched. Poor baby, she thought, gazing at him with soft eyes of love. She didn't dare turn on the television, even low, as she didn't know how much noise it would take to disturb his slumber. There was so much she knew about this man, but again, so little of him as he was now. There was still that book she had barely started. No point in mussing up her suit to just sit and read for no telling how long. Quickly out of the attractive outfit, she was soon garbed in a comfortable but exquisite jungle-print silk caftan. Carefully placing a fresh towel on the settee with the spare pillow behind her back, she propped her feet up on the towel and began reading. Apparently, she was tired or too tensed up as well. Within ten pages, she was also fast asleep.

It was well into the afternoon when she was wakened by a gentle kiss. "Good morning again, princess. I am so sorry that I fell asleep on you. What can I say? Boy, is that some outfit." His deep blue eyes took in the enticing female.

"Thank you, kind sir," Kathy swung her legs off the couch, picked up the towel and motioned for him to sit beside her. "I guessed when I saw you; I surmised that you might have had as much trouble as I did falling asleep last night." That would have been the perfect time for him to come out and tell her why he had been out all night and what he was doing.

Katherine held back the tears as he agreed to the lie she had provided. She wanted to be honest with him and tell him that she had seen him entering by way of the back parking lot and entrance that morning. Katherine wasn't sure of her position with him; if she had the right to ask Charles about the previous night as well as this business about which he avoided discussing with her. Perhaps he needed more time. What could it be that would make him avoid the truth? She too was lying in a sense by not telling him what she had seen that morning. This was certainly no way to continue a relationship.

"You and I have some plans to make. We've already missed most of the day and I'm wide-awake now. How about you?"

"Mmmm," she nodded in assent. "I slept while you did so I'm raring to go. What do you have in mind?"

"Dinner."

Kathy laughed aloud. Perhaps later he would tell her about the previous night. Meanwhile, there was no point in pushing him until he was ready to talk things out with her. Knowing him as she had at one time, she should trust him. Whatever it was, it had to be something he wasn't ready to divulge to her yet. "Of course. I should have expected that. Where?"

"I'm so hungry. I know I had planned on taking you to another place, but do you mind if we eat in the hotel dining room, the Gold Rush room?"

"No, I don't care where we eat. I rather enjoy the food here anyway and that room is opulent."

"Fine, I'm going to run up to my room and change while you do the same and I'll meet you back here in fifteen minutes. Okay?"

"Fifteen minutes? Are we on some kind of marathon? I'm as anxious as you to have dinner, but I need a little more time to freshen up and dress. So you go and take your time. I haven't even decided on what to wear. Where do you plan on going after dinner?"

"As far as I'm concerned, I could suggest what you should wear, or actually what I would like to see you not wear, but you would probably refuse me." He chuckled as she threw a pillow at him. "Okay, I'll behave for now. How about a drive either down the coast or into San Luis Obispo or even Morro Bay? Neither of those places is too far."

"Let's drive down the coast and see what's there or do you already know?" I forgot you said that you lived somewhere near here. Are we that far away from your home?"

"Too far to drive tonight. Maybe another day." Did he seem evasive? "Down the coast it is. Pick you up....when?"

"I'll be ready in thirty minutes. Why don't you call ahead for reservations? I understand that is a good idea."

"Fine, half an hour." He left leaving her to decide what to wear for the evening as well as trying to come to grips with her emotions about him. The last thing she wanted was to start any kind of permanent relationship with someone she couldn't trust completely. Then too, how could she bring him into their daughter's existence until she knew more about his life as he was now? He seemed to have plenty of money unlike before and apparently wasn't tied down to his business. It was hard to imagine him involved with something criminal, but it had been twenty years.

"Stop," she commanded herself. "Get ready and be patient. He'll tell you when he's ready." Picking up the blue suit, she decided to wear it again. He had been so tired, he hadn't even noticed it and it was rather attractive on her. That would cut down some of the time she needed and would help her be prepared on time. A quick shower allowed her plenty of time to apply her cosmetics with care. If only she were a few years younger. Charles did look so good for his age while she knew she showed every minute of her ripe years. She gazed into the hateful mirror, grateful that they had agreed on holding back from any physical relations, although she wasn't sure how well she could keep herself from wanting him. The memories of their many nights together were still taunting her. Kathy felt as if she had gone back in time to the first days of their love affair. If they had continued as if the years had never come between them, she might surrender to him and her own passions. Then she would not be as capable of ending it if she discovered that his profession might be something she couldn't handle or there was something even worse to divulge. After all, if there were any danger to him, there could be to both her and her daughters. Charles seemed the same as he had been those twenty years ago, but how could he be? Time changes everyone to some degree. Perhaps his wonderful character was only a façade. An unruly tear escaped threatening to ruin her makeup. Katherine quickly picked up a tissue and touched the offending drop. A deep breath and a resolution that she would forget about all that for the night. Tonight would be for romance only... and no sex, she added as an afterthought.

Chapter Ten

The knock on the door almost startled Katherine. She was so deep in thought about Charles. Opening the door she saw her very handsome, now wide-awake suitor. Oh, this was going to be more difficult than she had foreseen. If only he would stop looking at her with those erotically appealing blue eyes, eyes obviously filled with love, passion, or both. The pale blue short sleeve shirt showed enough of his muscular arms to make her wish she were wrapped in them. Why couldn't she just find one fault in this man? Well, other than... Forget that. He would tell her all soon, she was certain. It would make all the difference in their relationship. It would be one of the deciding factors in whether they had one at all. Then there was her truth to share. What difference would that make to him? Would he understand why she didn't tell him and why she had to leave those many years ago?

"My beautiful princess, are you ready? I made reservations as you requested. Shall we go?" Charles took her hand and led her toward the stairs. The walk down hill to the main building was short. "What a sunset," he commented. That should be something for you to paint. I can't even imagine me being able to pick up a brush and put anything on a canvas except for stick figures that would probably drop dead."

The colors were exceptional and kept changing as sunsets do. "Yes, it is lovely and there is nothing more I would like to do than to start painting."

"Kathy, I can't believe that is most important in your mind," Charles gave her his special smile that let her know what was on his mind and if the truth be known, hers as well.

"You know what I mean. I had planned to do a lot of painting while I was here, but well, you know what "the best laid plans" etc."

"Right," he held open the door to allow Katherine to precede him. "How about you and I go out to some area you choose and you paint while I watch, the day after tomorrow morning, early? I would prefer to do this tomorrow, but find I must do something else pertaining to my business. Believe me, Kathy, if there were any way I could avoid it...I do promise, most of my time will be for you."

"That would be great, but are you sure you wouldn't rather do something else than just watch me paint?"

"Of course I would, but you're not ready for that...not yet. Come on, princess," he escorted her to the entrance of the Gold Rush room. "Let's have dinner, before you get even with me for that statement. I should apologize, but I won't. You know how I feel."

"All too well. You're absolutely incorrigible and lecherous.... Let's have dinner and we can talk somewhat about plans for the day after tomorrow. I really have to do some shopping anyway. Not only for myself, but of course, I need to find some things to bring back for the girls."

"Yes, dear," Charles acted as if he were a contrite husband, even bowing his head slightly. Kathy smiled. It was so much fun just bantering back and forth as they had done so many years ago. Both a little more at ease, they followed the hostess to one of the large deep pink booths under the massive chandelier. Once in their seats, Charles opened the large menu and asked her if she would like him to order for her as he had done the previous night.

"No, absolutely not, if you continue to order like that, I'll have to go shopping for a new and very large size wardrobe."

"Well, I am still a big eater as always. I'm just usually so busy; I don't seem to gain any weight. I hate to admit it, but half the time, I barely know what I am eating, just that it fills me up."

"Still? You will never gain an ounce while I have to battle daily to even maintain my weight." Kathy glanced over at Mr. Perfect, as she thought of him. What if they did continue where they had left of years ago? There would be no flaws with him, but how about her? There was that time of childbearing that had left her with those permanent stretch marks, a little faded, but still there. The single necessary surgery that also prevented her from having another child also left such a distinctive scar. Then there had been that warning heart attack that had terrified her so much. Twenty years ago, her breasts had been full but firm. Now, still full but not so firm and she still had more curves than she preferred. How would he look at this mature, imperfect body? It would be devastating to have him alone, in a romantic setting, just about to... and to have him reject her in any way. Katherine shuddered at the thought.

"Can I take your order, mam," a very tall, dark-haired waiter was talking to her. "May I suggest a drink before dinner?"

"No, no drink, but I will have a cup of coffee now."

Dinner was ordered and as usual, everything was flawless. Their discussion encompassed everything from their planned excursion to paint on the beach to future plans for her trip back to Arizona with the possibility of him accompanying her.

"Kathy, if things go well with us, I would like to plan to accompany you when you do return to Arizona or perhaps we could have your girls come here. "

"Why would you want the girls to come here? Wouldn't it be simpler for us to go there? I don't want to cause too much upset. And...that is only if things go well. You can't be too sure that we will work things out. It has been twenty years. "

"It doesn't really matter whether we go there or they come here. Things are going to work out. Neither of us has changed that much. We can overcome anything and we will. Charles reached for her hand.

She couldn't help but put her hand in his strong one. "I think we would be better off going there, rather than have them break away from their schooling and fly out here." The conversation was getting nowhere. After seeing him that morning, obviously having been out all night, Kathy was very much afraid that the relationship could not go anywhere. How could it? Perhaps it had been nothing, but then why hadn't he told her, given some reason? The thought was there. Was he still married? He said he lived close, but didn't want to go there at this time. He left the hotel for the night, obviously, but didn't tell her, but instead acted as if he were just tired. Charles stated that he had this "business" about which he could not discuss at this time. What if he were involved in some sort of criminal activity. He couldn't be. He just couldn't be.

"Kathy, what is it? Is something wrong? "Charles shook her hand slightly. "You seem to be lost in thought and have such a frown on your face. Am I upsetting you by trying to make future plans?"

"No, not really. Well, yes, this is all so sudden for me. I don't want to get hurt again. We can talk and we can see each other for now, but I don't want to become comfortable in this relationship until we see how much each of us may have changed. It's been so long. I'm not even sure we were in love then or was it just youthful passion?"

"Kathy, it couldn't have been just that. We would have forgotten each other a lot sooner. You've been in my mind and heart every minute of every day. Tell me it has been the same for you."

It was difficult to admit it. It would only make things harder should things not work out. "Yes," she said reluctantly. "It has been the same. To be honest, I can't even tell you how many times you were in my thoughts; how many lonely nights I wished you were near. I know I shouldn't say that, since I was married to Frank, but we didn't have that good a marriage."

"I'm so sorry. I didn't know. I assumed..."

"Well, he was a good man, but he worked a lot, kind of a workaholic. I kept busy with the children. It was okay."

"Kathy..."

"No, please, Charles, I don't want to discuss my marriage any more. It's over. He's gone. Life goes on and that's what I intend to do. Go on with my life."

"With me, I hope. I'm sorry. I shouldn't push you. Just keep it in mind that I do want to spend the rest of my life with you."

"No matter what?"

Charles gave her a strange look. Kathy was certain he must be thinking about his own secrets. She thought of her own lack of honesty. How could they ever have a future together? Then there were the girls. How would Beth react when she found out that Charles was her father? She had never known another than Frank. Jesey; would she understand that the only mother she had ever known had a former lover? What a mess she could create of all of their lives and for what?

"There you go again, Kathy. Perhaps you are right. We should give ourselves more time to get to know each other before we make commitments or even plans. Please forgive me for being so pushy."

"Of course. And we are both to blame if blame must be placed. Let's just go on as friends, very good friends."

"Now, let's order some dessert." Charles raised his hand to signal the waiter who had obligingly stayed back while they were close in conversation.

As tempting as the dessert menu had been, Katherine forced herself to say a simple no while Charles ordered a mile high piece of irresistible Black Forest Chocolate cake.

"Come on, Kathy, just take one little bite and help me out here," he pleaded waving a small piece on a fork at her mouth. It was impossible to keep refusing so she gave in and took that one taste.

"Mmm, it is so good, but please don't tempt me anymore. Don't you care that I will gain weight to blimp size? Frank had always kept on her about every ounce.

"No, actually I don't care if you gain weight, except that you don't want to, and of course, your health. You are still you, no matter what."

"That was good to hear even if he might not mean it." Please help me by not tempting me. After all, it is important for my health, as you said."

"Of course, I don't give that much thought, but I will now. As soon as we finish here, how about that drive? I promise it will take your mind off food."

Fifteen minutes later, dinner completed, check paid, they were off in his silver Oldsmobile heading down highway 101 south. Windows rolled down, air conditioning off; Kathy leaned back against the soft gray suede seats to enjoy the soft summery breezes. They seemed to be all talked out for the moment, although it was so delightful just being in his company. His eyes on the road gave her a chance to take another searching look at the man with whom she had once wanted desperately to spend her life. She could only dream about the life that might have been, imagining how ecstatic their lives could be if they had spent the past twenty years in each other's arms.

"Let's drive down to the dunes. I think you'd like it and it's not too far."

Kathy agreed not having the slightest idea what these dunes were and where they were located. In moments they had left the freeway and were heading down the main street of Pismo Beach toward the road that led, according to him, to the Pismo Dunes. Kathy was surprised to see that they were allowed to drive on the sandy beach. "Is this safe? I mean we could get stuck."

"There's always someone who will help you out if we do and if not, there's the auto club. Look at all the vehicles driving up and down."

"Even a horse," Katherine pointed to the lone horse and rider outlined in the moonlight. How lonely he appeared and how romantic that might have been for her and Charles if she were one to enjoy horseback, just the two of them, alone on the beach the horse pounding through the surf. Although there were no set roads, all the vehicles were staying in line going one way or the other as if there were a firm, two-lane road along the beach. Charles pulled out of the line and parked his car near a roaring bonfire surrounded by singing teenagers. Reaching into the back seat, he pulled out a blanket and set it out on the soft sand.

"Come, let's sit here, watch the ocean and listen to them."

Kathy didn't even hesitate. It was good to see teens acting as she had in her youth. Today so many were involved in drinking and drugs. Sitting next to him, she felt comfortable, close and she wanted him with all her heart. If they had been alone at that moment, she wouldn't have been able to trust herself. Not even her fear that he might not look upon her as favorably would have stopped her from going to those eager enticing arms, getting closer to that marvelous body. Kathy sat as close as was safe for her emotions, feeling the warmth from his body, hugging her knees with her arms, the man she desperately desired only inches away.

It was so peaceful. The moon was almost full, throwing its light on the otherwise dark ocean. Off in the distance, the waves seemed to take on phosphorescence as if a mermaid were holding a flashlight beneath the waves. Kathy pointed it out to Charles, amazed at the sight. It was a common occurrence in that area, but he hesitated to spoil her illusions. "I wonder if I could paint that and if I did, who would believe it?"

"That's what we will do the day after tomorrow, Katherine. We'll take your art stuff and go out to a favorite spot of mine, if you don't mind, and you can paint it. There is the ocean, cliffs, and some fascinating rock formations. I'm not an artist but I do know what I like and I am sure you'd like it too. I've often seen a group of artists sitting at their easels trying to recreate the scene. It crossed her mind that he must live very close to be so familiar with the area, not hours away as he had mentioned. Could it be that he was still married and wanted to keep her away from his home and the truth? Oh no, she thought; that's one thing I couldn't bear, not again. But neither of them had ever lied about that before. No reason to start now.

"How about that? Sound like a good idea? I can't wait to see you paint after wanting to for so long. Kind of foolish in a way isn't it? So many of us wait and keep waiting to do things we dream about as young people." Charles was talking about her, but it sounded like he included himself in his wistful talk.

They just sat there watching the waves crash on the shore as fewer and fewer vehicles drove on the sand. Finally, the teen-agers slowly stopped their songs watching their large bonfire slowly burn down to glowing embers. Parents were beginning to come and pick up their young people. Soon they would be alone, alone on the sand on a moonlight beach.

"Time to go back." Charles took her by the hand and helped her up then shook out the blanket. "Kathy dearest, I care for you with all my heart and want you more than words can tell, but I promised. I understand why you would hesitate to jump back into a relationship after all this time and I can't blame you. I give you my word I won't do anything that you don't want me to do for the rest of this vacation, but I am asking you one thing and I want you to think about it." Charles put his arms about her and brought those warm lips down on hers with gentleness she remembered. Still tingles ran through her body, passion stirred within her. Kathy was helpless to push him away.

"Katherine, my sweet princess, I want to ask you to be my wife. Don't answer me now, yet. Please give me your answer on our last night here. I've waited all these years and while it will be one of the hardest things I have ever done, I'll wait."

"Charles, I..." Katherine wanted to tell him how much she loved him and wanted to be his wife at that moment, but she couldn't come to him with any doubts in her mind. There were too many problems relating to her daughters. His request convinced her that he was free as he had said, but there was still that fear that whatever was his profession; he felt it necessary to keep the details to himself. She would have to know first for herself and their daughter and she would have to be sure that her daughter would accept the situation. How on earth could she tell Beth after all these years that her father wasn't the man who raised her? What would Beth think? She couldn't bear to lose the respect of her daughter. "I will have my answer then."

"Great!" Was that the sparkle of a tear on his cheek? He had always been a sensitive man. "Now, my beloved princess, I am going to take you back to the hotel before I have to jump in that frigid cold ocean and I am sure you know why."

Katherine laughed as she allowed him to lead her back to the car and the Madonna Inn for one more night where she would sleep alone and only dream of him and his love.

Chapter Eleven

The immense king sized bed was in total disarray with the vivid blue velvet bed spread on the floor. Articles of clothing were strewn all about the room. The only light came from the dimly lit crystal chandelier in the living room area of the massive Austrian Suite. The man was holding the woman in his muscular arms whispering softly in her ear, "Kathy, love, it's been so long. I've needed you so much for so long." His lips stopped talking and moved across her tender white shoulders down to the fullness of her breasts. Gently he cupped one with his large hand and covered it with warm kisses. Shafts of moonlight slipped silently into the room touching their throbbing bodies with moonbeam kisses. Hands of fire explored every inch of her willing form reaching down to her innermost parts. Katherine had to have more.

"Charles, Charles, love me. I want you, every bit of you inside me." She arched to meet the strong firm body hovering above. Kathy's hands reached up to pull him down even closer as if she couldn't get him close enough. Only soft moans of pleasure escaped her lips as he pressed his mouth to hers. In the throes of ecstasy, neither wanted the moment to ever end, but it had been as he said, too long for either of them and the end came all too soon. But it was only the end of the first encounter. There was a second and a third before he was forced to rest with a promise of more. All she could do was nod as she collapsed in those awesome arms. Tears of release ran down her cheeks as she sighed in contentment.

The ringing of the phone startled Katherine as she bolted up from the comfort of the bed. It was the front desk giving her the requested wakeup call and asking if she was ready to change rooms again. Sleepily, she said she would call back in a few moments. "Damn," she spoke aloud as she looked about the familiar Romance room. All that had only been a dream, but it had been so real, so exciting, so wonderful, but only a dream. Charles had been good to his word and left her alone in her own room; alone to fantasize of the love she had desired and wish he had been more demanding and less true to his word.

Kathy quickly called the front desk back and let them know that she would be changing rooms shortly. Then she stumbled in the bathroom to take a long cold shower. Strange, wasn't it the male of the species who was supposed to be subject to this form of torture? Katherine gave a little smirk hoping he too had experienced such a dream of making love to her and that he might also be standing in the frigid water. Why did she ever ask him to wait until the relationship was secure? Why didn't he just come out and tell her the truth? She thought angrily. When would she tell him? Her thoughts softened.

How sweet he had been with his tender kiss at the door the previous night and it was he that had suggested that they would meet for dinner after she had made her move to the new room and he completed his job. This morning it was to be room 192, one of the rock rooms at the lower level. It was her intention to go on that necessary shopping trip. She had already decided that she didn't have enough of the proper clothes for this time with Charles. The clothing she had brought was so austere. If she wanted to impress him, (and she did) she would need things more lively with a younger look. What would be good for this excursion? Where would she shop? She would ask the front desk clerk. An outfit of dark navy blue slacks with her a favorite blouse of white cotton. And just in case, a dark sweater.

The desk clerk came to her immediately asking what she could do for her.

"I need to do some shopping for some clothes, something bright, perhaps summery."

"We have many places to shop locally that will answer your needs. We do have a shop upstairs from the dining room that specializes in ladies wear. Then there are many stores in San Luis Obispo downtown and of course, the local specialty shops in both Pismo Beach which is south of us on 101 and in Morro Bay which is north of us, also off 101 and you follow the signs."

"Thank you. I will try upstairs first, but then, I think I will just go shopping for fun."

"Lucky you; have a fun day."

As quickly as possible, she turned in her old room key and gained her new one. Excited to make the change, she hurried to the Old World room. It was everything she had anticipated and more. In the living room was a large rock fireplace that would enhance a romantic evening. Even the walls in the living room consisted of the natural rock from the surrounding area. The bedroom was an unusual mixture of a king-sized bed covered with an antique looking quilt in shades of red, more natural rocks behind the bed and side tables. The floor was made of contrasting rock while golden chandeliers threw light on the red wood ceiling. In the bathroom there was an elaborate rock shower and water cascading down the wall into the rock basins.

"Wait 'till Charles see this mini-paradise," she couldn't wait to show it to him, but it was his plan to do something for his job most of the day, so it would have to wait at least until dinner. "Might as well get breakfast out of the way," she said aloud. If this keeps up, I'll gain back everything I worked so hard to lose; she recalled the miles and miles of walking she had done to get and maintain her figure. This was to be a light breakfast; keeping it sensible no matter how much the temptation.

The walk down hill to the coffee shop and back up to the room would help keep her figure in line. She could also stop at the office to leave a message for Charles when he returned; he would see that little red light flash on his room phone. It would be wise to leave her new room number so that he could contact her as soon as he was ready for dinner, although he probably knew it before she did.

Within the hour, she left the coffee shop and headed up the stairs to check out the ladies shop that had been recommended. Walking up on the plush carpet, she touched the hand carved marble balustrade above the Gold Rush Dining Room. She had read that it had come from the Hearst Castle.

The twenty-eight foot gold tree fixture was made from electrical conduit that had been left over from building projects. The large round booths of deep pink surrounded round tables, all set for two, complete with wine and candles. The vari-colored goblets were distinctive to the Inn, even in the coffee shop. Thousands of fairy lights hung from the chandelier, other copper décor and even the plants. It was so romantic, it made her recall the dinner they had enjoyed the previous evening. It was a warm and very inviting room, not to mention the great service and outstanding food.

As she neared the top steps, she noted the delightful display behind the glass window. Such attractive clothing and jewelry. Up a few more steps and she was surrounded by racks of exquisite clothing artfully displayed among antique furniture. The sales lady offered her assistance if needed and went back to her work to allow Kathy to browse freely. Katherine wasn't even sure what she wanted. Some of the places did call for semi formal wear while most of the places they had discussed called for casual wear. Spring weather would allow for pastel colors and even some florals, but she preferred solid colors. Decisions, decisions. Finally, she found a blouse that really appealed to her; something that would wear well with both a long skirt and simple slack or suit. All the clothing was distinctive and not run-of-mill style, but this white blouse stood out with its golden decorations. She purchased it and headed out to her car. This one purchase was not enough and besides, she just felt like shopping. It might help her keep her mind off her other decisions.

Which way to go? North to Morro Bay or south to Pismo Beach? Although the town of San Luis Obispo was closer, she just felt like shopping at the small specialty shops where she just might find something unique.

Katherine flipped a coin, heads - north, tails-south. Tails it was and Kathy drove on to the freeway heading toward Pismo Beach.

Fortunately, it was a weekday and not into the summer months, so there would not be too many tourists crowding the area. Kathy parked her car in the large parking lot right at the long pier at Pismo Beach. From there, she walked back up the narrow streets filled with cars to explore the small shops. So much of the clothing offered was way too bright, colorful and floral for Kathy's tastes. Finally, she stopped at one of the restaurants that promised award-winning food. There was a patio area where she ordered their house specialty of barbequed tri tip sandwich and a cup of coffee. Of course, it was far more food than she had anticipated. There was no way she could eat all of that, no matter how good it tasted.

After eating what she could, she paid her bill and sat back for a few minutes to "people watch". From her seat in the back patio, she could still see the many tourists and locals walking by the iron gated entrance. The weather was so warm; many were dressed in light clothing and some in bathing suits.

Suddenly, she saw the last person she expected to see. Tall, very handsome and dressed in jeans and colorful shirt. What was he doing here? Hadn't he told her that he had to go to work or had something to do in relation to his business? Apparently it had something to do with the extremely attractive young blonde that was walking by his side. She was young enough to be a daughter, probably about twenty or less. Tight, nearly non-existent shorts, topped with a blouse of less material, she had an unbelievable figure. Why was he here with such a young woman when he had told her it was his job that was keeping him from her today?

Katherine rose from her chair to do what? Confront him? That was not her right. Speak to him and let him know she had seen him "working"? Perhaps she would leave by the side door and casually bump into him. Maybe not. She decided to follow them just far enough behind not to be seen, if possible.

They were so engrossed in conversation that Kathy did not have to be concerned. Still she kept several people between them as they headed toward the parking lot where she had parked her own vehicle. She hoped he wouldn't notice it. What could she say? She really had not followed him to Pismo and hadn't even known it was where he was headed. So many questions invaded her mind. Too many answers that she did not want to imagine.

They seemed to be in a rather heated discussion, perhaps even arguing. The young blonde kept shaking her head in a negative manner. Her voice was raised while his stayed at his usual low tone. They were getting closer to the parking lot where Kathy was sure he couldn't help but notice her car. It was close to the entrance. What could she say if he did see it and ask her what she was doing there? Would he even admit being there? One more block and the "blue angel" would be in view.

Without warning, Charles slowed down and took the blonde by the arm to guide her into a restaurant just before the parking lot. Kathy breathed a sigh of relief. Quickly, she crossed the street to mingle with the throng of people heading toward the parking lot. If she were careful, Charles wouldn't notice her as she went to her car. She had to get back to the hotel before he did. There was no way she could admit to him that she had followed him and had seen him with this young woman.

Driving back to the hotel, she thought over the situation in her mind. No matter what, she just couldn't believe that he would be involved with this girl. It had to be something relating to his business although she couldn't imagine what. She had to either believe in him or break it off completely. Kathy couldn't bear that idea. Charles had been the one love of her life, the man of whom she had dreamed for over twenty years. She had to make up her mind that she would give him her trust, no matter how bad it appeared. Difficult, yes, but she would do it. He would tell her, in time, she hoped and it would be fine.

Returning to her room, she attempted to read a book while waiting for the call that would tell her what time he would take her to dinner and where. It was impossible to get involved in the book. Finally the phone rang.

It was him. "Kathy, I hate to do this, but I have to cancel dinner tonight. This business is taking longer than I had planned."

"Oh, I understand." Katherine tried not to put icicles in her voice. How dare he keep lying to her? After all, she was prepared to believe in him. How could he do this to her now?

"I do appreciate your understanding. How about we have lunch together at the hotel tomorrow and go for the art after that? Say about noon? I' m afraid this might last until late tonight and I will probably want to sleep in tomorrow morning."

"I certainly understand and of course, we will meet for lunch before the art." It was an effort to speak pleasantly while she envisioned him with the young blonde. But, she would give him a chance to tell her about it. Hopefully, it would be just work. There was no reason for him to be involved with the young girl at the same time he was courting Kathy. She would just have to trust him...for now.

Chapter Twelve

One nearly sleepless night. Kathy tossed and turned with all kinds of thoughts going through her mind. Why was he with that young woman? What was the relationship? Why would he possibly say he wanted to marry her when he was with that young woman? What was the business that could not be discussed, yet? There was really no need of him ever even coming to meet Kathy if his intentions were not of the best. No reason at all. She hadn't searched him out.

Finally, after dawn, Kathy went to the coffee shop for a light breakfast she couldn't finish. After dawdling for over an hour, she finally left the restaurant and started back to her room to prepare her art things for the outing that Charles had promised. She promised herself that she would eat something more substantial for her lunch with him.

Just as she had reached the half way mark, she was startled to see Charles in his silver car coming up the road toward the rooms. Again? He was supposed to be sleeping in this morning. Wanting desperately to know what was going on, yet afraid forcing the issue could ruin things, she ducked behind the rock post as he drove by her. He hadn't even noticed her before she had ducked behind the pillar. Nor, evidently, did he see the battered old van that had come in just behind him. It stopped at the base of the hill, but the occupant or occupants did not get out. Could it be that this vehicle had followed him and why? Surely, he would have noticed if that were the case. After a few moments, the van turned around and left the parking lot. Whoever was in that vehicle had to be following him. Kathy knew that they would have to face the situation before the end of her vacation, but it would have to be on his time. Naturally curious, she wasn't sure she could hold out that long, but she would try. As soon as the car and the van were safely out of sight, she hurried to her room to wait for his call.

As she had expected, the phone started ringing just as she opened the door. The conversation was quick. Perhaps he had only run out to pick up something he needed. But then why was he followed? He said he would pick her up within thirty minutes so they could take off to paint after breakfast instead of waiting for lunch. Katherine decided not to tell him that she had already eaten something although very little and that she didn't feel like eating, but she decided she would go along with a very light breakfast or just coffee. There went the diet again.

An hour later, they were on the freeway, in her car, since it was already packed with what equipment and supplies she would need, headed toward what he called a spot between Pismo Beach and Shell Beach, Dinosaur Caves. It sounded interesting, although Kathy couldn't visualize what kind of place would be called Dinosaur caves.

"Nice car," he commented admiring the blue sports vehicle. "Was it his?"

"Yes, how did you know?"

"Lucky guess. Not your style really. I bet you drive a sensible one."

"Thanks. It is. Do I appear that dull?"

"No, Kathy, just sensible. This is the kind of car a man desires in his middle years."

"Like yours?"

"Yes, like mine. Women seem to have more sense. What are you going to do with this one?"

"Sell it as soon as I return."

"Probably a good idea. I'm sure you have a lot of memories with this car."

"No, not the kind you would think. There were times I hated this monster, but that's over. I'll just get rid of it and forget any bad memories associated with it."

"Why do you call it a monster?"

"I suppose it sounds childish or as if I was jealous, but I couldn't understand why he would spend so much time grooming this thing. You can't imagine how much time, money and trouble he went to with this blue monster."

Charles laughed. "Of course I can. That's a guy thing. I hope you don't mind me spending some time taking care of my car, that is, when we... well, if we get married. No, that's when we do. I want think positive about this."

Kathy didn't answer for a minute. The scenes she had witnessed yesterday when he had been with the young woman and today when he was supposed to have slept in late. Then there was the van that had followed him. Who and why would that have occurred? If only she had the courage to ask him now and get this off her mind. Too bad she had been raised in that generation where a man was never questioned instead of being like her daughter who would never allowed "such nonsense." "I haven't agreed yet and neither have you committed yourself. After all, we both seem to have secrets we are not yet ready to divulge." That was his clue to tell her what had been going on. Or her own to tell about their child.

"One more day, Kathy, that's all I ask. Just one more day and I promise you I will tell you anything you want to know. You can do the same. Can we agree to that?"

"Yes," what else could she say, also a bit afraid he might not accept what she had to say?

"Good, then let's forget all that and have some fun today."

Within a short time, they came over a hill to see a spectacular view of the Pacific Ocean as he directed her to turn off at Shell Beach Rd. Kathy couldn't wait to take one of the side streets that promised to take her right to the ocean. Each street appeared to be only three blocks long before stopping at the cliffs.

"Turn here," he suggested. "There is something I want you to see; perhaps something you would like to paint." Before he had a chance to tell her, she knew right away when she saw the small lighthouse in someone's yard. Beyond that in the next estate facing the ocean, sat a windmill.

Kathy took in both, her mind spinning as to how she could incorporate both of these into a painting. The high fences around both private properties would not allow her to sit and paint with the ocean as a background, but perhaps with a few photos, she could come up with something. It amazed her to see so many bountiful colorful gardens so close to the salt water. Somehow she had thought that the sea air would preclude the many flowers. Katherine followed his directions and in moments, they were parked in front of a quaint gazebo setting on a cliff overlooking the ocean.

"This is where I thought you could paint. You can get several views of the ocean and there is enough shade."

"You certainly know this area quite well."

"Yes," he replied, "My home as I told you is a bit south of here, but my work takes me to this area quite often."

As if to prove his answer, a policeman in a patrol car driving by waved at them.

"I see you know the right people too," she teased.

"In my business, it pays to know the right people." Before she could get a chance to query more, he asked her again how she liked the area.

"Perfect," Kathy was elated that a policeman had been so friendly. That eliminated the thought that he might be a gangster. Although she wanted to ask more, she sensed that it would put a damper on their plans for the day. It was business, she told herself. It was. Later she would ask, not now. "Feel that breeze. Let me check the area to see where I want to set up the easel. "

"Do you think it would be best under the gazebo or perhaps out in the sunshine?" he asked as he assisted her out of the car.

"I'm not sure." Kathy walked over toward one of the benches that were facing the long pier at Pismo Beach. "This is a perfect view. Look at those rock formations and the way the sunlight plays on the cliffs. Look here," she pointed down to a plaque behind the bench. "It says, " Jocelyn Domela, She made the planet greener and more beautiful with her ideas." How extraordinary. I wonder what kind of woman that would be who would be so admired by another, perhaps many more. What do you think she could have done to make the planet more beautiful? That's how I would like to be remembered, as one who made a difference."

"I think you will always make a difference in my life."

"Thank you, Charles; you are very important in my life as well. Perhaps I had best get on this painting before... "She pointed to the view from the bench." Oh, that is the exact type of painting I would like to do. Please help me set up the easel and I'll get the paints." It was fun working together as if they were a confirmed couple. For some reason, she felt as if they were closer than when his arms were about her. As soon as all was prepared, she started immediately putting on a thin layer of something she called "Magic White" on the 18 x 24 stretched canvas using a rather large 2 1/2 inch brush.

Charles was sitting comfortably on a bench watching her with pride. "I could be wrong, but are you getting ready to paint a house with that brush?"

Kathy laughed. "I know it looks like it, but this style of painting using these brushes makes the painting go quite fast. It doesn't give me time to make errors. Why use tiny brushes when a large one will do the job just as well and in this case, better? She proceeded to add a touch of the blue to the brush still wet with the white and place odd shapes like criss crosses on the top of the canvas as well as large brush strokes back and forth across the bottom of the canvas. Picking up a dry clean brush of the same size, she blended the blue at the top until is resembled an interesting sky. Using a brush that appeared to be like an old fashioned shaving brush, she picked up white and a touch of reddish alizarin crimson, Kathy quickly whipped in floating clouds. Mixing varied colors, she used a small palette knife to place several cliff edges as well as a few rocks in the water area. Charles was amazed at her accomplishing so much in such a short time.

"What is that?" he inquired as she added a small amount of something from a small jar to the white on the palette.

"This is a special wax I use to add a glistening quality to the ocean foam and foam patterns." She continued using a fan brush to bring life to the ocean placing splashes of foam on the waves as well as on the cliff edges. To his untrained eye, it was complete until she added the eye of a wave into the water. "I have to be careful here. The eye of a wave can only be seen when the light source is at a certain low level, so I have to maintain that light source. Detail is so important. A thousand people who see this might not know that, but a true artist or naturalist would, so I strive for some measure of perfection."

Charles was still more astonished, if possible. "Kathy, how long have you been painting like this?"

"Not too long really. I didn't have that much time to spare, but this method allows for quick accomplishments. Frank thought I was wasting my time trying to be an artist. I tried to convince him that although I would never make a lot of money at this, it does give me a great deal of pleasure."

"Speaking of your husband, what was your life like with him, if you don't mind talking about it now?"

Signing her name to the completed painting, Kathy sat down next to him on the park bench. Facing the ocean, rather than at him, she began telling her former lover about the man with whom she had spent the last twenty years of her life. "Frank was a good man at heart and we were very good friends most of the time. After that disastrous teen marriage and then losing you, all I wanted was a good home. I felt I needed him at that time and I guess you would say agreed to marry. He was more in need of a home life and companion than a woman to love. Oh, he did care for me, but he was more involved with his work. I guess some would call him a workaholic and somewhat of a perfectionist too. When possible, he was a good father to our daughters, but often gave them more of material things than affection and time. That was left up to me and while it wasn't ideal, it was acceptable."

The sun was starting to set, a spectacular sight from their vantage point. It was if nature was putting on a show, especially for them. Kathy desperately wanted to preserve the scene with her camera for a later painting, but hesitated, not wanting to spoil the moment with Charles. Although the sky itself was a soft shade of blue, the sun was a golden orb on the horizon. Soft white fluffy clouds were picking up rays of pinks, orange and gold adding more color as they came closer to the sun. Why was it, Kathy thought, that everything was so much more enjoyable when shared with someone special? No sunset had ever been more pleasurable than now.

They watched in silence, Charles only movement was to pick up her hand and place it gently in his large, strong hand. There were others about also just gazing at the sunset, some whispering as if hesitating to disturb the sight.

It was quickly becoming cooler and Charles offered to get Kathy's sweater from the car while she gathered up her art supplies. "No, I kind of enjoy the cool air, at least for now." After placing most of the supplies in the car, Kathy suggested that they just continue sitting there and finishing the conversation they had begun. "Let's sit for a minute and then I'll break down the easel. We can put the wet canvas on the back seat on some newspaper. It will protect the seat." She hoped it would give him the opportunity to finally tell her of his business, something he was still evading.

"Kathy, was it very difficult for you when he ..." Charles paused, not wanting to use a word that would cause her pain.

"He passed away, she continued for him."It wasn't easy. I don't believe any death is an easy thing to accept. Someone is there; then they're gone never to be seen on earth again. One day, I had a friend, someone to talk to, someone upon whom I had learned to depend. The next day, he was suddenly gone, a heart attack. As they say, at least he didn't suffer. But, although he left me reasonably provided for, I was suddenly alone. Beth and Jesey were and still are living their own lives. Not that they wouldn't help in any way they could, but all the decisions were mine alone. If I had been younger or older, I think it would have been easier. I'm not sure. But, I felt too old to think of meeting someone as I might have had I still been in my thirties or less. Much older and I would have been expecting to spend my last years alone. It just seemed as if I had too much time to be all by myself, days and nights of loneliness with no hope of finding a companion. It's kind of hard to explain. The art is a comfort, a joy, but not enough for all the time. I wish there were a word that goes beyond just lonely."

"Kathy, that was before. I'm here now." Charles put his arms about her. Now was not the time to tell her of his life as it had been for the past several years. She had endured much more than he had thought. Then he should be more certain of her health before he caused her any upset. There had only been that one heart problem, but one was a start and it would only take one major agitation to provoke that condition. Perhaps he would have to make drastic changes, but he couldn't let her go, not the way she felt in his arms at that moment. It would be one of the most difficult things he would have to go through, but not only was she worth it, but he felt he owed it to her.

After he had completed things, he would inform those who needed to know and make the necessary arrangements. Then he would tell her before they were to return to her home and he would meet with her daughters. That would be the right time, not now, not at this perfect moment.

Chapter Thirteen

Suddenly, there was the sound of a crash and wood splintering as they saw a small truck impact with tremendous force against the wooden barrier on the far cliff. It had apparently been going so fast that it kept moving in the air and slowly arcing down past the tide pools and into the deeper ocean water. Katherine gasped as Charles jumped up, grabbed her hand and started to run toward the area of the accident as some others who had viewed the demolition were also heading toward the disaster scene.

"We've got to try to get whoever that was out before the truck sinks." Charles didn't give her a chance to speak as he pulled her along.

Two young boys were dashing up the triple flight of stairs from the beach toward them crying out," He went right over us. He could have killed us. Help him." Both boys appeared to be under twelve and highly upset at the thought that this vehicle had soared right over their heads and not that far away, while they were playing in the tide pools.

"Go to that house and call 911," Charles ordered them. They were just about to the stairs themselves. "Stay here," he commanded letting go of her hand and sprinting down the steps, along with three other men at various levels of the stairs.

Further out, the truck was bouncing about in the surf while two kayakers were attempting to get close enough to give some help. In the distance, Kathy could hear the wail of the sirens coming toward them. Apparently, the fire department was close to the area. Why would someone be driving so fast toward the cliffs? Certainly the person could see them. Several people were rushing out of the homes facing the shoreline. Most of the men were responding to the obvious need of help getting the person or persons out of the truck. In moments two rescue groups were running down the stairs to the beach, their feet fairly flying in spite of the equipment in their hands. The resplendent sunset appeared to create a lie of peaceful calm as the men on the beach tried desperately to rescue whoever might be in that vehicle losing their battle with life.

Katherine stood at the railing along with other local women watching the rescue in fear, fear for the safety of the rescuers and a sympathetic fear for the people in the truck. For some unknown reason, the truck was still afloat. Perhaps it was caught on one of the rocks that were out there. Some of the men were in small boats along with the kayakers surrounding the truck and attempting to get the people out. High waves kept bouncing the boats about hindering the rescue. If the truck would just keep from sinking into the depths. Kathy closed her eyes and prayed silently. It seemed as if hours had passed.

Suddenly, there were several shouts from the onlookers. All the boats were moving away quickly toward the shore. Surely they wouldn't have left the scene if they hadn't completed their rescue, unless the truck was going under. In the distance, the truck was rising and falling with the harsh waves battering it inward. As the boats approached the sandy beach, Katherine could see that there was what appeared to be one man lying prone in the first boat. Once on shore, the other men lifted him to a waiting stretcher, strapped him in and proceeded to carry him carefully up the flights of stairs. Somehow, some one had gotten a few ropes attached to the truck and the majority of the men were trying to maneuver the truck in closer to the beach. Katherine looked about trying to see a place where they might be able to get it up to the street level, but none was visible. Cliffs that reached out far into the ocean blocked a beach route and there were no roads that led there. They must have decided to bring it up the side of a cliff by use of the tow trucks that were standing by. Large bright lights were being set up to illuminate the crash site.

As the men carried the young man on the stretcher to the waiting ambulance, everyone was shocked to hear him speak. The words were unintelligible, but he was amazingly alive.

"Going to get the truck out?" one of the other spectators asked the fireman.

"Yeh, it will take a while. We can't seem to get the lines under the truck. It keeps rising and falling with the waves and we can't get the lines in a secure place. But we'll manage. We always do."

"Always?" Kathy questioned one of the locals.

"Oh, yes, something like this has happened about once every few years since I've been here and that's been 'bout ten years now."

Crunching sounds of the truck crashing against the rocks, reached their ears. Katherine winced. If another person or persons had still been in the vehicle, no, the thought of what would be happening was too horrible. What had caused the truck to fly off the cliff like that? The exquisite colors of the sunset were rapidly being replaced by the darkness of evening. Kathy leaned over the railing hoping to see Charles. He should be coming up the stairway soon unless he had elected to help the men with the dangerous task of securing that truck.

A figure came up beside her casually asking, "What happened there?"

Kathy was turning about to tell him when she felt a sharp jab of something hard against her ribs. The voice told her to walk away from the railing. "Just come with me. Don't say a word and you won't be hurt." Another man joined the first pulling her arm. Everyone else was so absorbed with the accident that none noticed the two men forcing the woman back toward the gazebo.

Kathy wasn't sure what was happening, but dreaded asking as she was sure it was a gun so close to her heart. Left with no viable choice, she allowed them to lead her to her own easel. The first young man picked up one of the brushes left on the easel and wrote on the canvas destroying her work. "Note on car" it said.

"Do you think this will do it?" the young man with long blonde hair asked of the darker shorthaired man.

"What have we got to lose? If we don't get that stuff, it's our heads."

"Would you please tell me what is going on?" Kathy finally dared to question the fair-haired young man.

"Look, lady, your boyfriend has something we want back. If we have to kill you to get it, we will. It's you or us. You had best pray that he will agree to return what is ours and we will let you go."

"I don't understand."

"It's simple. He took something that is ours. We want it. We've been following you for just the right time. This is it. As soon as he gives us our stuff back, you'll be free and we'll be long gone."

With all the books she had read and television she had watched, Kathy was sure that these young men wouldn't be able to keep their word. What had they said about never being led away from the scene? But she had no choice, not with the gun so close. Once they got what they wanted, they wouldn't need her, especially as a witness and they were doing nothing to prevent her from seeing their faces. What would Charles do and what did he have of theirs? Her only hope was to cooperate for now and watch for a chance to escape.

"No more questions." the dark haired youth spoke as he shoved her toward a van so filthy it was hard to distinguish the color parked in front of her "blue princess". "Bobby," he spoke to the other one, "you put that note where he can see it. Tell him to have our stuff ready and we'll call him where to meet us or else where he can pick up her body. That ought to get him, for sure."

"Yeh, how about we ask for some money too while we're at it?"

"No, stupid, we want to get our stuff and get out of town fast. If we have to wait for some money, he would have to have more time. Just do as you're told. Ain't we in enough trouble? If you hadn't..."

"Shut up. So I made one mistake. She was your girl. Sue me. We'll get it back and then drop it. Okay?"

In moments, Katherine was propelled into the back of the van; hands and feet were bound tightly. This certainly didn't offer any easy means of escape.

What did Charles have that belonged to these young men that was worth more to them than her life? If only she knew what it was that they were after and what she might do to save herself? The vehicle drove off with both men in the front seat and her securely bound in the back. Kathy didn't know where they were headed, only that the van kept moving with very few stops, presumably meaning there were very few stop lights. They couldn't have gone too far from the place where she had been captured since either way were larger towns with plenty of lights. Kathy had the feeling that they were driving around that area of Shell Beach just killing time. Better to kill time than to kill her, the thought went through her mind. What little sky was visible to her was definitely getting darker. Still they hadn't stopped to make that phone call they had mentioned to Charles on where and how to meet them.

Suddenly they pulled over and the one called Bobby brought out a piece of cloth and placed it over her eyes and untied her ankles. "Come on, lady, we're gonna put you in a safe place while we get our stuff."

"Safe?" the other one snickered. "It is safe alright, as long as he gets here in time." Grabbing her arm hard enough to bruise it, Bobby pushed her through what felt like tall grass and some sand. "Just walk where I tell you and you'll be okay."

"Why do you insist on blindfolding me? Where are we?"

"Shut up. We're gonna have to take that off so she can see to get down the ladder, Rick."

"She'll see our faces." So they were concerned that she would recognize them. Good, that meant they planned to let her live.

"Don't worry about it." Kathy guessed it didn't matter which only meant.... She didn't want to think about that. So, the other one was called Rick; not that any information at this point would do Kathy any good. They continued walking for a few more feet when she was pulled to a halt. "No more, lady, not yet." Her blindfold was removed and she could see by the few street lights that she was right in the midst of what had been referred to as the "Dinosaur Caves". A rope ladder had been attached to the chain link fence at the edge of the cliff and Kathy was pushed toward it. "Go on down and be careful. I still got the gun here," he patted his pocket. "and I don't mind using it. We'll still get our stuff 'cause he won't know for sure you're dead until we get it back."

Kathy was not going to risk what little chance she had on some unplanned heroics, so she forced herself to descend the rope ladder, both men close behind her. They had apparently been waiting until it was very dark with no chance of running into people. As soon as she put her feet on the sandy beach below, Bobby was immediately beside her pushing her toward what appeared to be a giant rock sitting just a little bit in the water. The moonlight showed a tremendous cave that had been worn out by generations of crashing waves. Surely they weren't going to put her in there.

The tide was low enough so that it only took a few steps through the water to reach the inside of the cave. Though the evening air was warm, the water was chilling. Both men followed her until they reached the center of the rock. By flashlight, Kathy could see that there was a ledge of some sort up above where they were standing.

"Up there. Use those rocks to climb up," Bobby gestured with the light showing her the way to go. There was no point in arguing. Katherine did her best to ascend to the ledge. Once there, Rick pushed her down and proceeded to secure her hands and feet with duct tape and placed several strips of it over her mouth so that she could not scream, not that there would be anyone to hear. He then wrapped rope around her waist and secured her to a rock.

"We're gonna leave you here until we get what's ours. If we get it in time, your boyfriend will be told where to find you. If not, well, the tide will fill up the cave. I don't know exactly how long that will be, but we are giving you a fair chance. I'm even gonna leave you this flashlight so you won't be completely in the dark, until it wears out." He acted as if he were soothing his conscience. So saying, the men left Katherine alone to think.

What if Charles didn't have what they wanted? What if he couldn't get to her in time? Would Beth ever know what happened to her and why? What if, what if? Kathy started to sob, her body shaking violently with alarm and cold.

Chapter Fourteen

The truck was finally hooked up to the cable that was bringing it into the beach area. Charles was so worn out he could barely drag himself up the stairs. For a few moments he stopped at the second landing to watch the tow truck pulling the vehicle up the cliff, bouncing and crunching as it was forced up. He was certain that by the time it reached the top, it would be hardly recognizable as a vehicle of any kind, much less a nearly new truck.

As it reached the half way area, it appeared to catch on an outcropping of rock. Without warning, the front of the tow truck rose in the air. Men were shouting. The towing stopped. "Get another tow truck in here," he could hear one of them shout.

"More lights," another called for more lighting than the few spotlights they had set about. It was getting darker and it appeared that it would take a lot more time for them to finish this project. Charles wondered how the young man fared and what had prompted him to commit such a stupid act. Someone had said that he had been sitting in his new Toyota truck drinking most of the afternoon, while another mentioned that he had been heard fighting with his girlfriend earlier in the day. Charles wondered if he would be injured for life or even if his life would continue. Sad, he was so young too.

Exhausted, Charles continued dragging himself up the stairs still watching the new tow truck get into place in front of the first one. As requested more lights were being set up while some of the locals were bringing over pots and cups of coffee for the men helping out. In spite of the turmoil, it was nice to see neighbors like those. He finally reached the top of the stairs and looked about for Kathy. She should have been close and there weren't that many people standing about that he could have seen her.

"Kathy, Katherine," he called. A few people turned at the sound of his voice, but none said anything. If she had gone, she left no word for him. That would be so unlike her. Perhaps she was tired and had gone back to the gazebo to finish putting her art things away. And maybe she would be sitting there waiting for him. Still barely able to walk, he turned toward the gazebo.

"Kathy," he called out to the darkened area. "Kathy, where are you?"

Within a few minutes, he was facing the easel. Katherine was not there. There was just enough street lamplight to see that the painting had been destroyed. Taking the canvas closer to the light, he read the words. "No," he didn't want to accept that anything might have happened to his Kathy, not now, after all this time. He had just found her again. There was a good chance they would finally have the life he so desperately desired. "No," again when he read the note. This was his entire fault. He couldn't have just let things go while he was trying to get back with the one love of his life. He was only going to finish this one last job. Unable to change his mistake, he knew he would have to agree to the kidnapper's demands.

"We have your lady friend with us. If you want to see her again alive, get the stuff and go back to your hotel room. Wait for our call. We'll tell you where and when to meet us. You don't have much time." The note was unsigned, but Charles knew exactly who had written it and why.

Several years back when Charles Jr. had been involved with drugs, one man, Steffan, had helped him search for and find the boy. They had hidden out on an old ranch while they painstakingly fought to bring the boy back by helping him go cold turkey. Steffan was insistent that it was the only way. The days and nights of screaming, demanding, crying. The memories never left. He would have preferred to put him in a rehabilitation center, but Steffan would have none of that. If it were to be permanent, Charles would have to be there fighting right along with his son, suffering even more. As he was told, about those wild young people, he felt that the rehab centers, various programs and even prison had not helped any of them sufficiently to beat the drugs. His cruel cold- turkey system had a high rate of success.

Charles did not know how to repay this man who had given him back his son. Steffan had given his all, and not just for money. It was only much later that Charles had found out about his reason, but that wasn't important now. The distraught man was afraid to call for help, afraid to tie up the phone and afraid to leave long enough to get his cell phone in the car. When Steffan had asked for Charles's help in his business, there was no way he could refuse. It was often hazardous, but that didn't matter. The money was good, better than he had ever made before and he was able to do some good with it. The danger had never bothered Charles until he realized the jeopardy it could cause to Kathy. His thoughts had been to give it all up for her health. Never had he believed that this would endanger her life.

Just a few days ago, Steffan had called him to let him know that the girl for whom they had been searching for the past seven months was in a small farmhouse in a nearby town of Arroyo Grande. Right on the verge of one success, Steffan was unable to liberate this one girl. After receiving the phone call at the Madonna Inn, Charles had gone out that night. Luck was with him and when he had arrived at the farmhouse, she was not only alone, but anxious to get away from the boyfriend who had convinced her to come with him. At first, the girl had fought him, trying to get away. Then, without warning, her whole attitude changed as if something had just occurred to her troubled mind.

"I'll teach him to go off with another girl," she had been angry with the cheat. "I did everything he wanted, left home, stole money, delivered his drugs and this is what I get." Charles had been anxious to get away before the boyfriend and his friend returned.

"Okay, honey, let's just get going. I'll take you back. Your folks still love you and want to help you."

"Oh, no," she held back, "No way. I'm going to teach him a thing or two." She returned to the bedroom and came out with a small green backpack. "This will get him," she cried out triumphantly.

"Right, Donna, now let's go," Charles didn't know what was in that bag and didn't care. He knew if they or others came back, he was alone and in a lot of hot water.

"Teach them," Donna allowed Charles to walk her to his car parked at the side of the farm. "He won't forget me now, will he?"

"No, Donna, he won't forget you. Please hurry."

They had barely reached the highway when a van sped by them. "There they go," Donna started laughing. "Will they be surprised? Here, mister, you take this and hide it for me. They're gonna be so sorry."

Charles was glad that he had agreed to take her to a nearby center where they specialized in cases like hers. Disagreeing with Steffan's more harsh methods, Donna's wealthy parents had pre-arranged it so she could get immediate care in a rehab center when she was found. When Charles discovered what was in the pack, even he was shocked. If it was all good, he was holding thousands of dollars worth of crack. There was at least five pounds in the bag. Why had they trusted her with the knowledge of so much stuff? And then to stupidly take off with another girl. You don't do that to any woman, much less one on drugs. Apparently, these boys were transporting the drugs from a major lab to a dealer. Not knowing what else to do and unable to reach his partner, Charles had placed the package in the hotel safe. Now Kathy was at risk. They wanted him to get their stuff and return it to them. Even then, would she be allowed to live? He didn't know if these boys had it in them to actually kill someone. They were desperate enough to kidnap. Their own lives were at risk. But kill, he didn't know. The mind of a druggie was scrambled at best. Charles couldn't risk losing Kathy, not now, not ever. At that point, he didn't care if they got their drugs back, no matter how much. One way or another, he could get it back. They were too careless and too stupid. All that mattered was Kathy, the only woman he had ever loved.

Without her car keys, he was forced to ask for help from one of the men he knew who was working at the accident scene. "Can't explain why now. Trust me," he had asked of his friend. "I have to get to the Madonna and I don't have much time."

"Okay, do you need any help?"

"Not now, but later. I'll call if I do."

It seemed like forever, but soon Charles was let off in front of the office at the Madonna Inn where he obtained the package he had re-wrapped from the backpack. In his room, he added something to the package and waited impatiently by the phone. Why didn't it ring? As he waited, he quickly changed out of his damp clothing afraid to take a shower and be away from the phone for even a minute. For just a second, he went into the bathroom to wipe his face with a cold cloth.

Call, damn it, call. How long will they let me suffer, waiting to see if she is alive. Suppose they've already killed her. He couldn't be sure. He'd do anything to save her and they must know that. Is she suffering? Is she still alive? What have they done to her? His mind was filled with fear. Suppose that little item he put in the drug bag was found. What would they do to her? He already knew. Maybe it would be better if he took it out and just let them have and keep the damn drugs. But if they don't give me her, what will I do? How will I find her? There's no hope without something. I have to leave it in. I have to, Katherine. It's my only way of making sure I get you back. "Ring damn it, ring," he yelled at the silent phone. What if they don't know my room? What if she's already dead? What if, what if.... The phone finally rang. He grabbed at it and shouted, "Yes, what do you want?" It had to be them.

"Do you want her alive?" a masculine voice asked.

"Of course."

"Good. Meet us at the back parking lot in 3 minutes or she's dead. We get the package and you get told where to find her. This way you don't have time to get any cops here."

They weren't so dumb after all, not in that respect. He would have to hurry just to get there on time. No time at all for any calls. Charles grabbed his car keys as he ran out the door and up to the back parking lot. There were only a few parked cars there including his own and a van with its motor running.

"Where is she? Is she alive?" He held the package behind his back.

"Just give me the stuff," the driver said. "I don't want to do time for no murder. She's alive, for now."

No choice. Charles handed him the package.

The young man in the driver's seat grabbed the package and they sped off. Charles ran after them yelling, begging them to stop.

Laughing, they backed up barely missing him. "Oh, you can have where she's at. I just wanted you to suffer the way we've had to do. You knew if we didn't get the stuff what would happen and all you cared about was keeping it for yourself."

"And you took my girl," the other man spoke.

"Please, you got your stuff. Tell me where she's at." Charles was almost in tears. If anything happened to her and Kathy's health wasn't that good.

"She's down in the Dinosaur caves, tied to a rock on a ledge. The tide's coming in, so make it fast. If you don't get there in time, it's not my fault. So I wouldn't take time to call the cops." The van spun out and headed down the hill toward the highway.

At that point, Charles didn't care how many drugs they would have in their hands. All he wanted to do was rescue Kathy, take her in his arms and never let her go. He raced toward his own car. If only she was there. If only she was okay. If only she was alive.

Chapter Fifteen

Katherine felt as if there were no more tears left, as if she had cried her last one. She had already run all the gamut of emotions and felt empty. Her intense fear was replaced by the knowledge that her death was imminent. How long had it been since those ruffians had left her here to die...alone? Did or could Charles have brought them what they wanted in time or had they any intention of letting him know where she had been hidden?

The tide was coming in. She knew that without seeing the black water rising against the narrow ledge on which she had been left. No moonlight permeated this coffin. There was only the faint glimmer of light on the distant water visible through the narrow openings that could be seen from her precarious perch.

Kathy thought back to the events of the past few days. Less than a week ago, she had been safe, secure, perhaps alone without a companion, without much happiness in her future, but at least with a lengthy future in sight. Why hadn't she insisted on knowing more about Charles as the man he was now? Why did she allow him to keep this secret that was now endangering her life? And of secrets, she hadn't yet shared her own. What about Beth; there were so many unsaid things. Now she wasn't sure if she would see another dawn. Could this be revenge from Frank? Was this his way of punishing her for betraying his memory? How terrible to suffocate in the cold water and salty at that. Stop, Kathy, she admonished herself. What did it matter how the water tasted? She would soon be unable to know the difference, not tasting or even breathing at all. If there were only something she could do...

Ridiculous thoughts of television programs where the hero or heroine managed to get out of any situation popped into her head. "Okay, MacGyver," (thinking of one of her favorite heroes) "tell me how to get out of this one.""Don't give up," came her answer." You haven't even tried to assess your circumstances. You're just giving up, planning your death and how your family will accept it."

"Yeh, right," she thought back, "at least you had some chance with your hands free. All you had to do was use your mind. Even with my mind, how can I get loose from these?"

"Water, rope, water, tape, think Kathy."

Katherine leaned toward the ocean spray as far as she could. If the tape got wet enough.... At least she could scream for help and in a cave, the sound could reverberate. Maybe some of those people who had been watching the rescue were still near. Her mouth soon soaking, she bent forward against the rock and attempted to adhere the piece of tape to the rock. One more time, she kept telling herself, one more time. Why didn't it work? Finally an edge stuck to the rock and she pulled back quickly. No luck. All the tape did was loosen from the rock. Again. Again. She knew it would hurt when it was pulled from her mouth, but oh, to be able to speak and scream. Maybe she wouldn't get loose in time, but she would not go down without a fight.

"Ow, ow, ouch," the involuntary yell came forth as the tape was finally wrenched from the tender skin around her mouth. Oh, that hurt, but it felt so good. "Help, help" she screamed over and over. It didn't matter that she wasn't heard. She was trying. Kathy would not give up. Now for the ropes. If they got wet, they could stretch, maybe. Was that they way it worked in the movies? Or did the wet rope tighten. She couldn't recall. The only problem seemed to be that they were already wet and getting wetter as the tide kept coming in relentlessly. If they were supposed to, they did not stretch enough.

"A rock," she shouted aloud. If only she could find some little sharp rock upon which she could force the rope and work it back and forth until it broke. That happened in every shoot-em-up she had ever seen. But the waves had taken away every little rock within its power. There were none she could feel or see anywhere near. That big rock; surely there had to become sharp corner, somewhere within reach. If only there were more light than the already dimming flashlight....

There she went with those words again. If only...

If only she hadn't run into Charles again. If only he hadn't been involved in something so dangerous. What could it be and then, what did it matter? If only those men hadn't chosen her to grab for their ransom. If only that stupid idiot hadn't chosen that time to run his truck off the cliff.

"Kathy, enough with the 'if only's. If only you don't get free soon, you'll only be drowning in more than your sorrows and very soon." Leaning her face forward toward the rock, she tried to feel with her cheeks as well as her bound hands for some sharpness in the rock. There, she did feel something at her ankle level. She didn't know what good it would do to get her feet unbound, but it would be accomplishing something constructive. Positioning the ankle rope over the sharp rock, she began moving back and forth. The rope was beginning to tear.

The cold menacing water was rising higher, she was sure now and there was a lot less time than she had anticipated. It sounded as if it were just below the ledge, like a mythical creature reaching up to pull her down to its depths.

"This isn't fair," she spoke aloud. "I need more time."How much more time did she have Kathy wondered. Soon the water would come up and over the rock. How long would it be before the waves would threaten to smother her? Would she ever be found and would her daughter understand what had happened to her and why?

Beth? Jesey? How would they re-act to losing their mother so soon after their father? How would her girls manage? There was the small bank account and the college funds. Suppose those men don't tell anyone where I am. I may never be found. The girls won't even know I died, only that I disappeared. What a mess that will leave for them. Kathy hadn't even changed her will since Frank's untimely death and would a will work if her body wasn't discovered? Her daughters were not really old enough to manage on their own. They wouldn't even be able to sell the house, perhaps not even live in it. There were no relatives to help them. Would they be able to get jobs and complete schooling? How terrible it would be to not know whether their mother were alive or dead. She began to cry. "It's not fair," she called out to the darkness. "Charles, you rotten...." she didn't know what she wanted to call him at that moment. It was his fault she was there. His fault that her daughters would lose their mother and not know anything. That man had never been anything but a problem to her. Well, at least she would have some revenge. He would never know that he had fathered a wonderful daughter. Katherine was the only one who knew and she would not be around to tell him. Even if by chance she did survive, she knew she would never let him know. It would serve him right for his entanglement in whatever was his involvement. How could he have changed so much?

"Charles, I hate you." she screamed out to the shadows. "If I ever get loose from here, I'm going to...."

The cold black water seemed to be rising, the mythical monster lapping against the rock. It was coming after her, the harbinger of death to take her lifeless body into the depths. She struggled harder. There was so little time.

Chapter Sixteen

For the first time in years, Charles was dreading what he might find when he did get to the caves, a place he once enjoyed. One, Katherine might not even be there. He knew the one young man was upset at losing his girl, although Charles was just as certain no girl meant anything to either of them. The drugs were all that counted in their young lives. He, himself would never know the feeling of addiction, although he had seen so many. Young girls who would give anything, including selling their bodies, and did to get that momentary fix. Prostitution was a serious by product of these drugs. Then there was theft. Nothing was safe among the young druggies. They stole from their family and friends. No one was safe from them. They often didn't even recall what they stole or from whom as long as the end result was drugs.

Now his Katherine was in danger. Suppose the boys lied and he would only find an empty cave? Perhaps she had not been allowed to stay alive. After all, if she were, her testimony would only accuse them of kidnapping, a death sentence in California. And... He caught his breath; it could be that he would only find her lifeless body in the cave, drowned by the rising tide. She would have suffered needlessly because of him. What could he say to her daughters? These young women had just recently lost their father. How could he tell her that he was the cause of their mother's premature death? Tears were rolling down his cheeks. A man shouldn't cry, but he couldn't help it. All he could envision was the thought of her body either in the cave or lost to him forever. He might catch the boys, but nothing he could do would ever bring her back.

Roughly he used his hand to wipe away the offensive tears. "No," he shouted. "No!" I won't believe that my Katherine is gone. Not now. Not after all these years. No! I've got to stay calm and think and believe, believe she is alive and I will rescue her. I will." Charles almost breathed a sigh of relief as the car turned off the freeway toward the Dinosaur Caves. Time to call the police for help when he should find her. Why hadn't he thought of that sooner? How stupid. He was so upset it didn't even cross his mind. The cell phone quickly reached the close police station and he was on the phone with them as he drove down the side street.

"Yes, I need your help and now. I may need an ambulance. There is a woman supposed to be tied up in the caves. I don't know for sure and I don't know in what condition. Do you happen to know the time of high tide? OK. Check it out, but get here in a hurry." He flipped the phone shut and threw it on the seat. He had done all he could to get help. His police friends would cover all bases.

"She has to be there and alive." Within moments, he was parked close to the cave. "Kathy, Kathy," he called out toward the caves.

No answer. Charles didn't really expect one, just hoped. It was as if by shouting her name, he was in contact with Katherine. Fortunately, he knew the only way to get down without a rope ladder was by climbing down the rocks to the right. Charles scrambled down the large rocks trying to see his way in the fortunately, bright moonlight. At least that was on his side. Another mound of rocks separated him from the entrance to the cave. Without hesitation, he climbed up and over these barriers. "Kathy, Kathy," he called out. No answer soothed his heart. Finally he reached the place where the opening of the cave had been. The tide had risen high enough to cover the small entrance. "Kathy, you can't be gone from me. You have to be alive."

It would be difficult to swim against the tide, but he would do it. He had to.... It was Kathy's life. Without hesitation, he forced his way through the heavy surf and into the opening of the Cave, only taking a few seconds to push off his shoes. The water was cold, but that didn't matter. He swam under the water for a few minutes, then pushed himself to the surface. It was so dark; he couldn't see much except the moonlight coming in from the other back entrance of the cave.

"Charles, you rotten son of a ........" No words were as welcome as the sound of Katherine cussing him out. She couldn't even know he was there, but she was certainly angry with him and justifiably so.

"Kathy, Kathy," he called out swimming toward the ledge he knew to be there.

"Charles, is that you?" As if it would be someone else calling her name. If he hurried up, he could rescue her. The water was already up over the edge of the ledge.

"I'm soaking wet and this water is climbing fast."

Charles reached the ledge and attempted to climb up, his feet constantly slipping. "Hold on."

"What else do you expect me to do?"

Good, she was angry enough to fight her way out with him when he freed her from her bonds. He put his arms around her holding her close. She was alive, angry, but alive. He reached into his pocket for his knife.

"Stop," she shouted. "Get your hands off me and get me out of here."

"I'm trying. Let me get your hands free. What else is secured?"

"I am tied to this rock, but my feet are already free."

"Wish I had a flashlight."

"Didn't you think to bring one?"

"No, I just rushed out to get here. I did call the police, but they will take a few minutes to get here. We'll be out of here by then." He kept cutting at the rope around her hands. Finally her hands were free. Charles then started on the rope that was holding her to the large rock. The water kept rising.

"Much longer and I'll be drowning while you are still cutting that thick rope."

"As soon as I get a few strands cut, it will be easier. Don't worry. I'll get you out of here."

"I want you to know I will probably kill you when you do. How could you put me in so much danger? What is this all about?"

"Kathy, love, please. I'll tell you everything, but first let me get us out of here before it's too late."

"Fine." she was so upset with him. Her voice showed it. "When we get out of here, we'll talk. Boy, will we talk and then I never want to see you or hear from you again. Ever!"

"Kathy, you can't mean that."

"I do and I mean it. Hurry up or we won't be able to talk about anything."

The tide seemed to be coming in more quickly. Charles kept moving his knife back and forth. It didn't seem to be working. The water was up past the rope at her waist and still rising. He wasn't going to make it in time. She knew she was going to die.

"Charles," her voice softened, "get yourself out of here. It's not working. We can't both ...die. Just promise me that you'll take care of my daughters. Promise."

"No, I will get you out or we'll both go. I'm not giving up."

"Please. I can't leave Beth and Jesey alone without any help. They're too young and Beth, she's, she's....."

The shouting of another voice stopped her from telling him her secret.

"Hey, Charles," the voice was coming from the opening at the back of the cave. "Need some help?"

"Yes," he called out toward the light. "We're on the ledge. I can't get this rope cut. Do you have something?"

"Be right there." the voice behind the light came closer.

Charles didn't stop. "Hurry up." A small boat pulled up alongside the ledge.

A man in a black wet suit pulled himself up with a large bolt cutter in his hand. "Brought this, just in case," he shone his flashlight on us. "Move aside, Charles and let me get this."

In a few moments, Kathy was finally freed. The wet suited man helped her into the small boat. "Come on, Charles. Let's get you two to safe and dry ground."

"Do you want to tell me what happened? He asked Katherine.

"Can't that wait?" Charles asked. "She's cold, wet and just been through so much."

"Sorry, you're right. I'll get you back and we can talk later." He headed toward the moonlit opening of the cave. "We can't get out through the front, so we'll go this way. I'm not sure either of you have the strength to swim through that opening."

Katherine said no more. Too many thoughts were going through her mind and she was shivering with the chill night air. How could he have put her life in danger? She was so glad the policeman arrived in time. In a few minutes more, she would have told him all about his daughter. That was one secret he wasn't entitled to know, not after all this. She had meant what she said in the cave. Katherine never wanted to see or hear from him again, ever. All these wasted years, loving him the way she had done, remembering that single year of love. He was a stranger. In essence, she felt she did deserve what she had endured. She had almost cheated on Frank. Her husband was gone, but she had never given him the love she had given the memory of Charles. It didn't matter now that Frank had not wanted her love, just a companion. They had agreed to that early in their relationship and kept it up during the marriage. The memory of Charles had kept her going many a lonely night, but this..? How could he?

She wasn't going to cry, not now. Kathy was so cold with pent up emotions that were choking her.

Charles was slumped in his seat in the small boat as it headed toward shore. In a few minutes he would have to answer to Katherine for all he had done. Those boys couldn't have hurt him more. If Katherine stuck to what she said, she never wanted to see him again and he couldn't blame her. If he hadn't gotten there in time...if his friend hadn't helped...the thought was too terrible. How could he blame her? He should have told her the truth long before. He should have quit before he even came to see her at the hotel. The thought of losing her forever wasn't as bad as her losing her life, but it hurt. If only there were some way to change her mind....

"I'll take her back to the hotel in my car so she can take a warm shower and get dressed in dry clothes. We'll come back to press charges as soon as we can."

"Okay, man, don't worry about it. You can come in tomorrow. What about her car?"

"Don't talk about me as if I were not here." Kathy was still angry as she headed toward Charles's car. "I'll be in tomorrow and I'll see to my own car in my own time."

"Sorry, mam, I deserve that. If we can help you with your vehicle, let us know."

"Oh, yes, thank you for saving us. I will be in tomorrow some time." She sat down on the passenger side of Charles's car. If she had her keys, she would have driven her own, but she would have to get a locksmith. At least she had put her purse in the trunk and only had to worry about keys for the car. It was too late. Tomorrow would be fine.

"I'm afraid I am getting your car seat wet." her voice was colder than she felt.

"It doesn't matter." he didn't know what to say.

"You know, no matter what, no matter what our future relationship will be or not be, you still owe me an explanation, a long detailed explanation."

"Yes, I know. That I can handle, but I keep thinking about how close...." his voice choked.

Kathy felt the urge to hold him close to her, but resisted. He sounded so broken while her anger was keeping her going. Charles didn't have that luxury.

Chapter Seventeen

Nothing more was said on the short drive to the hotel. Katherine was thinking over and over the words she would use, the questions she would ask and the answers she had better get from this man, this almost stranger. Certainly, he had saved her life, but he had caused it to be in jeopardy as well. What was it that those two wanted and why did Charles have it? Secrets were going to be divulged without any more hesitation. Asking such, she knew she should also tell him of her secret, but it would depend on him. If his were so bad that it could cause any more harm to her or to her daughters, it would end there.

Shivering, she allowed Charles to guide her to his room with his feeble excuse that they would have more room as well as a living room in which to talk. Kathy agreed, although at that point, it didn't matter where they talked. They could have discussed this situation in a stadium or in front of a roaring fire on a bear skin rug. She was in no mood for romance no matter where their conversation took place. How could he have done this to her?

I'll have to arrange for another key to your room, so that I can get what you need while you shower here. You'll have to call the desk and request it."

"Why?"

"Your purse is gone."

"I hadn't thought of that. Then they could have my key and could come in or be waiting for me. Have you thought of that?"

"No, and you're right. I'll explain to the office and arrange for another room for you while you shower here."

"Not yet, if you have a robe, a nice warm one that will do for now. After we talk, I'll call the desk and you can arrange to get my car brought back here."

In moments, he returned, robe in hand, saying little.

The warm, then hot water, helped alleviate the chill as she allowed it to run continuously for at least twenty minutes. It didn't matter, just as long as it was warm and without salt. At first, the shampoo left no suds, but as the salt dissipated, the bubbles foamed until it was worked up into a rich luxurious lather. Wrapped in a warm, totally unsexy faded blue robe, feet in large blue slippers and wet hair tied up in a white hotel towel, Katherine emerged from the bathroom.

Grabbing another blue robe, even more faded, Charles also walked to the shower. "Give me one minute and I'll be right with you." Guiltily, it was the first time Katherine had noted that Charles was every bit as wet, cold and smothered in salt as she had been. Perhaps for not as long, but just as miserable. True to his word, within a few minutes, he emerged barefoot in his robe, toweling his dark hair dry.

"Kathy, love, I'm sor..."

"Charles, please don't apologize." she interrupted, "just answer some questions. I really think you do owe me that much."

"I'll answer anything you want, tell you anything and everything. I do owe you that much and more. Come over here to the couch and sit, please."

She didn't feel there was any harm in that. Certainly she wouldn't entice him in this woebegone outfit. Before she had even seated herself, she began, "Who were those men?boys and what did you have that they wanted and ..."

"Let me start from the beginning and perhaps, I hope you'll understand." he pushed back the dark curl hanging over those incredible eyes. Kathy seated herself at the other end of the blue and gold couch keeping what she hoped was a safe distance. "You recall I told you that my son had gotten involved with drugs when he was much younger?"

"Mmmm," Kathy murmured her assent.

"I didn't realize it was happening. I guess most parents don't know until it is too late. They tell you about danger signs, but we tend to ignore them. I deluded myself into accepting some of his behavior as just being in his teens. Charles Jr. was really into them when I finally noticed his strange behavior and then it was almost too late. At first, I came down on him, restricted his time, and made him answer to me for every minute, everything he did and his friends. But then he balked and he stayed away from home. One day I came home to find he was gone, run away with his druggie friends.

Kathy couldn't help herself. She was sympathetic in spite of her anger. If that had been her girls. "You must have been devastated."

"I was. I didn't know what to do, where to look. The police hear this daily and couldn't even give me a suggestion. Oh, I searched the obvious places, put ads in the papers, put up flyers and posters. Nothing. Then I found this detective. I was at my wit's end. Steffan became my best friend, my only hope. He took me to places I didn't know existed. All it took was a little money in the hands of my son's so-called buddies and they were ready to sell him out. When they're like that, they'll do anything for money to buy drugs. Family means nothing. Friends mean less. Within a week with Steffan I found my son or what was left of him."

"You mean, but I thought you said?"

"No, he was alive, but as good as dead. He had been so strung out on drugs that his mind was a mess. I didn't know anyone outside of a lunatic asylum could be so paranoid. His friends were against him, I was his enemy, the cops, his school, and everyone was his personal enemy. That was what his mind would let him think. He even began to think that the drugs were poisoned. We played on that. Steffan showed me how to work with his fears. We brought him to a place like a safe house. It is an almost deserted ranch that Steffan owns and uses for just this purpose. It is so far out away from civilization; no one knows what goes on. I don't think even I could have found my way out. For over a month, we brought my son through the worst of his drug addiction. Mind you, he was a rank beginner compared to some. They're those who are just about beyond hope. Did you ever see those commercials with a fried egg saying this is your brain on drugs? They mean it.

After that, we got him admitted into a hospital where they specialize in rehabilitation. He was ready for that then. I told you how is today. If it weren't for Steffan, I would have lost my only child."

Tears were streaming down Katherine's face. He did have to know about his daughter.

"I'm so sorry, Kathy. I didn't mean to make you cry. I promise you he is doing great now."

"It's not that. I mean, it is that, but there is something I have to tell you too."

"Do you want to tell me now, or do you want to wait until you hear it all?" He moved closer to put his arm about her, pulling her head to his shoulder. She resisted at first but found herself wanting to be in those arms...

"No, go on. It will wait. What does all this have to do with what happened today?"

"Are you sure?"

"Mhmm." she agreed enjoying their closeness.

"All my life I've lived in a vacuum. I went to work, went home, ate, slept, paid my bills, lived the right life, well except for one brief excursion into happiness." For the first time in hours, he smiled at her with that special smile. "When this happened to me, I realized that there were so many more out there who needed help. I begged Steffan to let me help. First I had to serve an internship in his office with a very boring job until he felt I could handle things. You can't begin to believe what we saw when we were searching for my son. Kids, babies, selling their souls for drugs and dealers taking it. I had to make a difference. If I saved no more than one other than my boy, my life would have meaning. I had to try.

First I went after the men who preyed on the kids at his school. They were easy. They were so sure of themselves. Then I started going higher and in the mean time, we did what we could to save kids one at a time. This is what I have been doing for the past several years. Basically, Steffan and I are sort of detectives. With the technology available to us, we are pretty good at what we do. We make a fair living finding and salvaging young people whose parents can afford us and this pays enough so we can save a few more whose parents are unable to pay the price."

"That tells me a lot and I admire what you've done, but it still doesn't tell me about tonight."

"Raymon and Eddie were the two who grabbed you. A few nights ago, I had managed to find one of the girls they were trying to recruit. She was so strung out and angry with her boyfriend that she handed me their stash of drugs that was kept in the house when I came to pick her up. Steffan and I usually turn it over to the local DEA, that's Drug Enforcement Agency. Luckily, I hadn't had time. We had a date and I put it in the hotel safe. Raymon called me and made a deal. If I gave him back his drugs, he would let me know where they put you. He let me know that time was limited, as you would die before I could get there if I delayed. There was no telling what they would do with you. If anything happened to you because of me..."

"Were you so sure they would tell you where I was hidden?"

"I know these two well, very well. The drugs they had were not theirs and all they were concerned about was getting it back right away. I was reasonably certain they would tell me once they got their hands on the stuff and they knew what I would do if they didn't."

"Won't those drugs go to killing other young people?"

"No, in fact, the bug that I planted will help us round up some more and a little higher up. Those two would never admit that the drugs had been out of their hands and therefore not suspect."

"Weren't you afraid they would find the bug and kill me because of it?" She pulled back. If and that was a big if, she did get involved with him, would her life always be in danger? Didn't he care?

"No, it's our best bug, impossible to discover. I had to be sure I could find them if they didn't tell me where you were. I was only trying to make sure of your safety. Catching them is only second."

"I do understand, I think. I really do. I'm relieved in a way. My thoughts were that you might be involved in the drugs yourself. You were so secretive and lying to me. Is this what you were going to tell me when the time was right? That your job was dangerous, not only to you, but to me?"

"Katherine, I love you. I've never had anything like this happen before or I would never have gone near you. Never would I have risked your life. I want you to know I am prepared to give it all up to spend this end of our lives together."

"Do you want to give up your business? Honestly."

Charles looked down into her face. "I don't know," he whispered. "No, I didn't want to give this up, but you are my life now. You're all that matters. I never want to go through anything like this again."

"Then I have something to tell you. Perhaps I should have told you sooner, but I wasn't sure how our relationship would turn out."

"And?"

"This is going to be as hard for me as what you had to tell me was for you."

"Kathy, I told you before. There is nothing that you can say that will make any difference. Just tell me."

As if on cue, the phone rang. Charles glanced at her as if planning on ignoring the annoying jangling sound. "Forget it," he said. "It will stop in a minute."

"No, go ahead. This has waited for this long."

Reluctantly, he picked up the receiver. "Hello," she could hear the exhaustion in his voice.

He listened for a brief moment, and then said, "No, not now. I can't."

Another moment, then, "You don't understand."

"Charles, if it is something you have to do, go ahead. I think I need more time to think this out."

He put his hand over the receiver. "No, we're making headway and I don't think I could stand leaving you, not now."

"What is it?"

He continued to put his hand over the receiver, taking it away for a brief moment, "Just a minute."

"I can handle it."

"On the way to get you, I called my friends at the station and told them about the drug package. I didn't want to take a chance that they had laid to me and there wouldn't be enough time to find you. We have these pre-planned bugs we use. They not only found where the boys are, but they say there are others, a few more, quite important dealers. No," he spoke again in to the phone. "It will have to wait this time. What I have to do now is far more important. I'll call you back when I'm free."

"Charles," Kathy threw a blue and gold satin pillow at his head. "I am not something you 'have to do' immediately."

"Kathy, my sweet...."

"No, don't call me that."

"Alright, Katherine, I told you I was giving up my business and any connections with it. The police can bring them in without my help, although I will go in later to identify them as any good citizen would do, but then it is over. You and I..."

"Stop, have you forgotten. I too have something to share, a secret as well?"

"No, I haven't forgotten, but it can wait." Charles moved closer to her reaching out his arm to place it around her willing body.

"No, let me tell you now. Are you sure you don't have to leave immediately?"

"Yes, I am sure. Are you trying to keep from telling me at this time?" How well he knew her.

She nodded, her head down a bit.

"Go ahead. Trust me. It is easier once it is over. I told you before nothing you say will make any difference."

"Okay, how do I say this?" she continued. When I left you, I didn't know. That is, not right away. Before you say anything, I had made up my mind not to ruin your life, so I couldn't tell you then, not then, not later."

"What is it? Please don't keep me in suspense."

"Charles, I gave birth to a little girl, yours. I am so sorry. I could have told you. I know how much you wanted children as I did, but I had to keep it to myself. If you had known it would have only been that much harder for you."

"For me? What about you having my child alone?"

This was so much harder for her to tell him than she had ever imagined. Kathy couldn't tell from the expression on his face how he was feeling. Was it anger toward her, hatred, shock? She couldn't tell. "I married Frank right after our daughter was born. He wanted a home, family and it didn't matter that there was little love. His wife died in the same hospital as I was in when she gave birth to their daughter. I needed a home and he needed someone to care for his baby daughter."

"Oh, Kathy, love, what kind of life did you have because of me?" Charles pulled her forward holding her close in his arms.

She pulled back slightly. "Don't get it wrong. Frank was a good man, a good provider and we did have a great friendship. My life was not all that bad. I had a home and two wonderful daughters."

"I'm glad of that. What did you name my daughter?"

Kathy laughed, the tension broken. He was apparently happy to hear about his being a parent. "I named her Elizabeth and we call her Beth."

"Does she look like me? Can I see her picture? Does she know about me?" He fired the questions rapidly.

"Wait?" Kathy held up her hand. "Yes, yes, sort of. Yes, Beth has your looks, your eyes and your dark wavy hair. Yes, you can see all the photos I have with me? When she discovered she was born before I was married and that her sister had the same birth date and they were not twins, she asked questions. I told her she was born of a very special love. I have not yet explained that Frank was not the love or about you. Today's society is more lenient toward things like this. I am hopeful she will understand."

If she's anything like her mother, she will. Now will you answer the question I asked you a few days ago and before you forget......?" Charles stopped to get down on bended knee. The faded blue robe was half opened and he attempted to look presentable. Kathy smiled. "Katherine, will you be my wife?"

"Yes," tears were streaming down her face. "Please get up."

"If I can. This old body isn't used to all that activity." He struggled to rise and pull her again to his arms. "Why are you crying? Did I say something wrong?"

"No, I'm just so happy."

"So am I. I love you so much. It's going to be wonderful being a dad again. Do you think Beth will accept me?"

"You make me happy. She will."

"Great. Let's call a preacher friend of mine and can we get married today?"

This time tears of laughter were streaming down Kathy's face. "Oh, my wonderful love, yes, any time, but do you think we should get dressed first?'

Chapter Eighteen

Gone were all the promises they had made to each other about abstinence, about waiting until they were sure of their relationship. Charles had rescued Kathy, saved her life. Forget that it was due to him that her life had been in danger in the first place. He was her hero and the man in whose arms she had always wanted to be. It no longer mattered that she was all wet, wrapped in the most unglamorous robe or even that she had a thousand flaws in her mature body. She wanted him every bit as much as was his desire for her.

Katherine reached out her arms to the tall man standing close. "I don't care what I said, what we agreed to, I just want your arms around me."

"Are you sure? I want you too, but not so much I would chance it on losing you forever."

"Are you getting cold feet?" Kathy asked knowing full well, if something didn't happen soon, she would be the one to get the "cold feet."

"No, not really," Charles pulled the damp towel off her auburn hair and threw it on the floor. Taking her hand, he pulled her gently toward the waiting bed. With a swift move, the covers were down and Kathy was nudged onto the fresh sheets with Charles poised slightly above her, instantly removing his own robe. Her hazel eyes were green with envy at the perfect form that lay so close within reach. Why did he have to be so flawless? When he saw her....

As if knowing how she might feel, Charles pulled the sheet up over their bodies before helping her to do away with her own robe. "Kathy, love, it's been so long, forever it seems."

He bent down to her eager lips and stirred up every emotion that had been dormant for so many years. Parts of her body that she had even forgotten existed began to tingle as if just coming alive. As in the dream, his large hands began a gentle exploration of her form. "Mmmm., her lips moaned.

Nothing mattered now except that she was in his arms and they were making love. The years were swept aside with their inhibitions. His hands and lips concentrated on her full breasts creating a desire in her like she had only recalled from so many years past. A fire was raging within for him to forget everything and just take her completely. Her hands grasped his shoulders touching what felt like a scar. Later, she thought as she arched her body to meet his. It was every bit as fantastic as the dream and more.

For the first time in years, Katherine again knew what it was like to know total satisfaction. Tears rolled down her cheeks as she felt him collapse with his own fulfillment. Only once in a life, if one is fortunate, can a person know such joy, she thought as she turned to nestle in his waiting arms.

"My love, I am so sorry. I wanted this to last forever, but it's been so long."

"For me too," Kathy nuzzled up against his chest. "But that doesn't mean we can't take our time the next time or the next."

"Katherine, my sweet princess, any time, but you do know I am not a young man any longer."

"You can't prove that by me. You were..are wonderful."

Suddenly, the phone rang. "Oh no," Katherine spoke. "This can't be just another dream. It was too real, too wonderful."

Charles rolled over and picked up the phone. Kathy noted that there was a rather recent scar running across the shoulder and down the back. So. Mr. Perfect wasn't so body perfect anyway. Katherine smiled.

"Okay, okay, it can wait a little while longer."

"It's okay, Charles. You can go now."

"Let me call you right back." Without waiting for an answer, he hung up the phone. "So now that you've used me, I can go?"

"No, not like that. I just thought I would get into something half way decent and arrange for our wedding today as you requested."

"You look more than half way decent to me."

"I'm not wearing anything."

"You got the idea."

"Okay, still you get this over with and I will arrange everything unless you've changed your mind."

"No, never. Now that I have found you, I will never let you go."

After the wedding, Kathy had arranged they spend their honeymoon in the cave man suite. Hopefully, he would have gained back his strength and behave like a true cave man. Katherine planned to tell him that she would stay with him and help him in his business. It was no longer important to live a quiet sedentary life. A little excitement coupled with a lot of accomplishments would be the right life for them. All that was truly important was that they would be together for the rest of their lives.

***

About the Author

I, Ann Domela, was born with a pen in hand, or so I believe. I can never recall a day when there wasn't that dream to be a published author. Even as a child, I recall collecting and filing drawers full of information. I began my writing life by sending in newspaper article about a club in which I was interested. One very wonderful newspaper reporter came by the club event and asked to speak to me. He not only praised my work, but suggested I go on to write for magazines and offered some suggestions on how. I kept writing and the magazines kept publishing.

In my later years, when I retired from work and raising my family of six great children (aren't they all?), it was suggested I write a book. So I did. After it was published, I went on to write four more books.

When a friend asked me to speak at a local writer's club, I was treated so well that I decided to go a step further and speak at other groups of people who wanted to learn how to open that door of becoming a published writer. Since my husband and I travel the country and stay in rv parks, I offered to speak at their recreation centers. In addition, I made up cd's with as much information as I could get on the cd. I love writing and I love sharing the help I can give.

Discover other titles by Ann Domela at Smashwords.com

  * What If

  * If Only

  * Banned In Boston

  * Triangle of Fear

  * Fall of Fear

