I exited the game and I
forgot what I was supposed to be doing.
Also, I played around with my settings.
Apparently I was playing on medium texture
detail and that's why everyone kinda looked like..
Uh, mashed potatoes..
but..
we still kinda..
do.
Yo, Kaiden. What up?
I don't even know who he was.
I'm gonna talk to the cooler version of you.
Just- [LAUGHS]
Literally the same option.
Get over it!
Oh, that's what I gotta do. Thank you.
Hey, um..
Just gotta terrify the squad mates a little bit.
That's what keeps them in line.
Also, I did not-
When I originally played this game, I did-
This is not how I played.
I played the nicest..
softest, little angel Shepard you could possibly play.
I did Paragon
no matter what.
And you know, it's been couple of years..
I'm ready to just be a giant space asshole.
Maybe.
Told you guys they were useless.
They don't care.
Did I just hack Udina's computer?
I hacked into something that I shouldn't have touched.
♪ But, I learned some info so it's fine ♪
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
♪ Whoa, we ♪
Why- Why- I didn't do anything!
I scrolled just like, the tiniest bit and now
I am fuckin' guns blazing, bro.
Get- Put it back!
Shepard..
Oh, my God.
I don't know how to put my gun away.
I don't- [LAUGHS]
We're gonna get shot.
Hi, I know I'm muzzle swiping you right now, but- But, please.
Okay.
That's all I needed to know.
[GASPS]
Hey, it's everyone's favorite character.
"You blew it."
Maybe, but if they're not gonna listen to you,
they're not gonna listen to me.
I'm a human.
I'm made of flesh and blood and bones.
Not sure what you're made of, but..
Uh..
Looks like..
weird tile.
They started without us! They don't care what we think.
[LAUGHS]
Yeah okay, your Spectre just shot himself in the head instead.
It kinda just like did that on its own.
And it gave me a big headache.
Oo.
I mean, I probably shouldn't threaten him.
"Insults? Typical."
Typical beta.
Eh- No.
[LAUGHS]
If you won't take my dream into account then I cannot talk to you!
You know, you just gotta go on Saren's Twitter these days.
It's time to cancel Saren.
Let's get #SarenIsOverParty trending, folks.
That's what- That's what we gotta do.
We gotta come as a collective.
Let's get the Keepers involved.
I'm sure the Turians would love that.
Oh, we can just straight up go to- Alright.
Alright!
We're goin' clubbing.
Excuse me?
What?
Let's not..
Turians? It's always the damn Turians!
Jesus. What're you shooting me with?
You guys gonna help?
You guys gonna do anything?
Anything?
Hey, guys.
I need some help.
Alright, show down of the century.
Let's be patient.
Who's he shoot- Is he shoot-
He's shooting at like, Kaiden.
Alright, good strat.
Good job, guys. We did it.
High five!
Oh, hell yeah.
Here we go.
"Hmmm" is right.
[GASPS]
It's him!
It's the puppy!
You know, girl. Your outfit would look so much better
if you just put a little smile on that face.
[CROWD CHEERING]
We're going to the doctor.
Oh, okay.
Well, this is awkward.
God, why do I take one hit and immediately-
Eh- What am I made of? Am I made of like..
ramen noodles? Jesus.
I take one hit and I'm like, almost immediately dead.
Hey, man.
Um..
Are you guys shooting me?
Kaiden.
This is why I don't like you guys!
You're not helpful!
You're shooting me.
Jesus Christ. Oh, my God.
What?
What just happened?
What did I do?
Replay.
[SUMO WRESTLER]
I just donkey punched that guy through the wall.
Alright, please heal me doctor. I need- I need help.
I don't have insurance though, please help me.
I mean did- Eh..
Uhhhhh- You're welcome?
Are you okay, Doc? Are you high?
Why are your eyes so red?
Okay.
Um..
You know, I do want to be a Renegade..
dickhead, but I also..
Uh..
Wrex is cool, so..
Oh, hell yeah. Alright, Ash- Uh, bye Kaiden.
Bye, Kaiden.
Aw, shit. Is there no, like..
I don't remember.
There- There's a- There's a separate way to get to C-Sec apparently.
Alright, here's the best gameplay here.
Oh well, I found the other guy instead.
Well, you know, I- I killed a few people.
I'm blunt? I just- I just asked..
I simply asked.
Oh, to be a woman in space.
Okay, that was blunt.
Oh, actually I should..
This is all..
I just bought that on accident.
This is all goop!
Eh- Speaking of, I- I have, uh..
First of all..
I haven't been doing this. I kinda forgot
I'm playing an RPG for a second.
Yeah well, I'm the main character, so I just do what I want.
Oh!
Hold on a second.
Excuse me?
Looks like I passed the hot test!
Mistress, I am ready for my massage.
Yeah? Can you tell me where C-Sec is?
Mmmm?
Oh yeah, he was the guy sobbing in the corner.
Why are you touching me?
Uhhh..
You know, I don't get this very often, but I think she likes me.
There's my missing puppy!
Oo, there he is!
My doggy!
Isn't he adorable?
Well..
You want to kill Fist.
I want to kill Fist.
The Renegade options are
in favor of Wrex, so..
Hell yeah.
Oh, yeah!
♪ I got my alien boys ♪
Let's go. Let's roll out.
We're gonna get shit done.
Oh, God!
You know, I came here for a good time
and I feel so attacked right now.
Thug: "Enemies everywhere!"
Thug: "Hold the line!"
Thug: "Enemies everywhere!"
Oh, yeah, yeah.
♪ Yeah ♪
♪ I love those lines ♪
Oh, prepare to hear that 60 times each.
Thug: "Hold the line!"
Hold the line, they say.
Oh, God.
These guys are the guys you- You want to worry about.
These guys are scary.
He's about to kill me.
Don't!
Oh, God!
Oh, sorry. I just- I just..
lit Wrex up cuz I thought he was..
I thought he was the Krogan I was shooting.
Dah!
That actually scared me.
[GASPS]
Here we go!
Let's do it.
50?
Bye bye, buckos.
Would it have been quicker?
Would it?
That took two seconds.
How long is your attention span, man?
Hey, Fisty boy.
Oh- Hey! What- Dah- Uh!
You know, I thought she would just naturally take her
gun out, but I guess I'm wrong.
Oh, God.
"Speak now."
Your hair, bro.
He looks like a block of cheese.
"You son of a bitch!"
Fuck yeah, Wrex!
Let's go get my space girlfriend.
If only..
If I had the means to
bend this universe, I would make it happen.
Oops, bye!
Pew, pew.
Don't kill me.
Bullets to you, good. Bullets to me, not good.
Oh, my God. There's a time- There's been a timer this whole time?
Oh, sweet Jesus. Okay.
Alright, don't panic.
Don't freak out.
Leave her alone!
He's dead.
I'm a big fan of Tali'Zorah, okay?
♪ I'm in love ♪
Okay. Hey- Uh- Uh- Okay.
[LAUGHS]
Couldn't press control there for a second.
He's not gonna get us though.
Yeah?
You got him.
Thank you guys.
I don't want to be mean to her.
That wasn't my fault.
Quarian queen!
Oh, ma'am. Please continue.
I won't cut you off.
Uh oh.
Got 'em, boys!
[GASPS]
Dah- What- What're you? Okay.
She comes with us.
Damn!
"That-" What's garbage, Shepard?
Uh..
[LAUGHS]
Um..
Uhhh, I- Mmmmm...
Jesus Christ!
Oh, man.
Oh, man.
I am conflicted.
This guy's mouth!
He looks like he's wearing someone else's
face over his face.
Hmmm. For science.
Oh?
Is, uh..
I mean, I get where he's coming from..
I get what he's saying.
But, you're telling me Renegade Shepard..
is against science?
[LAUGHS]
I thought for a second I was gonna have to be really
unempathetic to that guy's cause, but you know she-
Shepard pulled through right there.
You're gonna give that man his wife's body or
so help me God! I swear to God!
They started without us again!
Again?
But, is it two party consent?
That was fast.
[SIGHS]
You're right about one thing, but you can't be right about two things!
"I'm ready."
I trade you one Spectre for another.
Promote me.
[LAUGHS]
Oh, noo.
"It's about time."
Fuck yeah.
I love my alien team.
"Thank you for your loyalty, Shepard, to our"
"company. We have now promoted you one extra dollar"
"and you receive zero benefits."
"Oh, and if you would like PTO, you need to work another..."
"500 hours with us, thank you.
"Thank you for your service."
♪
