

_Confident Kids_

_How Parents Can Raise Positive,_

_Confident, Resilient and Focused Kids_

_Book 2_

_Smashwords Edition_

### Karen Campbell and Katrina Kahler

### Copyright 2014 by KC Global Enterprises
_Table of Contents_

Introduction

Chapter 1 - Developing a Positive Outlook and Mindset

Chapter 2 - Developing Positive Personal Characteristics

Chapter 3 - Why is Resilience Important and How Can Parents Help?

Chapter 4 - Building Confidence – The Key To Success

Chapter 5 - Why Does Your Child Need Positive Social Skills?

Chapter 6 - How to Help Your Child Develop Positive Social Skills

Chapter 7 - How to Help Your Child Become a Happy Person

Chapter 8 - How to Create a Happy and Positive Family

Chapter 9 - Good Manners: This Seems To Be A Dying Art!

Chapter 10 - Coping With Disappointment and How To Be A Good Loser

Chapter 11 - Teaching Your Child To Show Gratitude

Chapter 12 - How to Help your Child Deal with Anxiety

Chapter 13 - Developing Independence - How Much Is Enough?

Chapter 14 - How to Encourage Honesty in your Child

Chapter 15 - How to Teach your Child the Value of Respect

Chapter 16 - How to Help your Child be More Assertive

Chapter 17 - The Importance Of Goal Setting And How to Teach It To Your Child

Chapter 18 - The Importance of Organizational Skills

Chapter 19 - What's More Important - Pride or Humility?

#  _Introduction_

_Picture your child as they grow-up. They are resilient and can easily cope with the problems life throws at them. They are confident and have a positive outlook on life. Because of this they are always happy and have lots of good friends and relationships. All through their life they have been grateful and people always comment on their beautiful manners._

_You can shape your child's future. Happy and successful children grow into well-rounded adults. Follow our advice and we guarantee you'll see positive and life-changing results, giving your child the gift of a fantastic life._

# _Chapter 1_ _\- Developing a Positive Outlook and Mindset_

_As highly successful teachers with 60 years of combined experience we believe that when it comes to helping kids succeed, personal development_ **strategies are the way to go!**

Their young, innocent and totally vulnerable way of thinking is so easily influenced by whatever is going on around them, be it good or bad. If we can be helping our kids by teaching and guiding them to be positive thinkers at a young age, imagine the future for society and the generations to come.

_Why not encourage your child to also embrace a positive outlook on life?_ It's amazing how often we, as teachers, have helped kids by influencing them in a positive manner simply by encouraging them to turn their thinking around. The transformation in these children has been totally inspirational! We have literally seen very negative children who had little faith or belief in their abilities, become successful and happy learners with a very positive outlook on their education, their ability to achieve and their self-image.

By helping kids in this manner, the ensuing result has been increased self-esteem, improved confidence, the willingness to persevere even in difficult situations and becoming socially acceptable and making friends. You can do this and so can your child.

As teachers, it's the most wonderful feeling to be helping kids in this way and witness them developing the **"I CAN DO IT"** attitude and then really becoming positive about school and life in general.

You can help your child to develop this wonderful mindset and truly create an amazing life, _regardless of academic ability. If they believe that something is possible, they are more likely to achieve their goals. Negative children are less successful in school and throughout life._

_As a parent what do you want your children to turn out like? What characteristics do you value and want to instil in your child? Do you want them to be kind and caring? Would you like them to be confident and positive? What type of work ethic would you like them to embrace? Do you want your child to be able to get along with others and be cooperative? Whichever characteristics you want your child to develop, you have to model those attributes and teach them to your child at a very young age._

_Try to think forward to when your child becomes a young adult, what personal characteristics would you like them to possess? Why not think about this for a while and make a list, you could write a description of your child's character at the age of 21. When you've done this, then you know what to aim for and you can start developing these traits straight away._

A True Story

Adam seemed like a reasonably happy and friendly kid at first. But as time went on, it quickly became obvious that there really wasn't much that he was happy about. Whinge, moan, complain! That's all we heard from him in class, while so many of our other students would turn up to school each day donning smiling faces and really positive attitudes.They were happy to be there and keen to find out what they'd be learning each day. But not Adam, in fact, his attitude was quite the opposite. He just didn't seem to have anything positive to say at all. And this certainly rubbed off on the other kids. They didn't want to be his friend; they didn't even want to be near him. Being around such a negative person was no fun. So this in turn, gave him more things to complain about.

We (his teachers) could see that it was time to turn that negativity around. It wasn't helping our classroom environment and it certainly wasn't helping Adam. As it turned out, he was very intelligent, and although he really wasn't the sporty type, he was very good at school work. Now this was what we decided to focus on, because everyone has strengths, don't they? "Wow, Adam! That is such great work; and look at your story writing. You're amazing!" These were the types of comments we began using with him. Now, this just came naturally to us because it's the philosophy we've always had as teachers and we knew it worked. Before long, Adam started to smile. He began to show pride in his achievements and take great delight in showing us his latest efforts. Our praise and comments continued, but not just for Adam, for each and every child in our class whenever they did or said something worthy of praise. We knew this was the best way to motivate kids and it was something we did on a regular basis.

Then almost overnight, Adam began saying nice things too – to us, to his classmates and to other teachers. Everyone noticed and almost magically, everyone, especially the other kids started seeing Adam in a different light. "I like your work Adam." "Would you like to borrow my pencils Adam?" "Yes Adam, you can join our group." These were the comments he started receiving and his whole demeanour became completely different.

But that's not all. Adam began to try out new skills and activities and rather than saying, "I'm hopeless at doing that, why would I even try!" He began to give things a go. The comments we began to hear from him were along the lines of, "That looks like fun. If I try really hard, I think I can do that!"

The following year, we'd see Adam around the school, always smiling, always happy, always with something positive to say. What a transformation! Thanks to a positive attitude, his whole life had turned around and Adam was reaping the rewards of a having a positive mindset. He was willing to give things a go, he was enjoying school and life in general and he had friends who were keen to spend time with him. For Adam, life had become good and the smile that we witnessed on his face each day was priceless.

To attract success into our lives we must have a positive outlook. Be honest! How many negative people do you know who are successful? I don't know any! The negative people, whom I have met and are sometimes associated with, are always calling me to tell me of their latest drama, their latest problem or their latest sickness or ailment.

Does this sound familiar to you? Do the negative people in your life constantly have problems occurring? Well it's the same with kids. The ones who are always complaining, who never want to do any work or join in any games or just don't have anything positive to say, are the ones without friends and who just don't seem to enjoy anything. In fact, they always seem to attract problems. They get bullied, they have accidents and there is always an issue of some description. The sad part is, that without changing the negative attitude that they seem determined to keep, their life will continue on in the same manner...no friends, no fun and constant problems.

Often children and adults alike take on board this attitude because they're craving attention and negative attention is better than no attention at all. The problem is, that it's not really the type of attention that they want or need. I mean, who would honestly want bad stuff continually coming into their lives? No one that I know!

If we want our kids to be successful in life, then attitude is one of the key contributing factors. A positive attitude, that is! And once again, a child's attitude often comes from his parents. Children with a happy, constantly positive outlook don't usually come from parents who think in the opposite manner. Some people are simply born with this type of happy demeanor and others have to work at it. But whichever is the case, anything worth having is worth working at, don't you think?

It's much easier to focus on the negative aspects of life and also a negative outcome to our endeavours. "What if I lose?" What if I fail the test?" What if I have no one to play with?" These are such common thought patterns but with training and guidance from a young age, kids can be taught to turn their thinking around and focus on a positive outcome instead. "I'm going to try my best in the race." I've been studying hard, so I'm sure to pass!'" "I know that the other kids will be nice and ask me to play."

By role modelling these types of thought patterns and behaviors yourself, your child will follow and do the same. They ALWAYS copy what they see, so make it a point to be a positive parent and you're much more likely to have a positive child.

Remember also, that praise and positive reinforcement work wonders. So be sure to always reward your child with compliments and praise when you see them displaying a positive attitude. "I love the way you're trying!" "I'm so proud of your efforts!" "You've worked so hard and have such a great attitude, you deserve to do well – and I know you will!" This is so encouraging and will motivate your child to continue with the positive thoughts and behavior.

A great strategy to introduce to your child is to encourage them to focus on their thoughts and consider the following questions:

Are your thoughts positive or negative?

What are you focusing on when doing schoolwork, playing games, trying something new? Are you saying to yourself, "I can do this" or, "This is too hard, I'm going to fail!"

What picture do you see in your mind, before you start a race, begin a test or attempt your homework?

Do you visualize yourself winning, achieving a great result and being happy and proud of yourself? Or do you visualize yourself losing, failing and feeling sad and depressed?

What feeling do you have when you try something new or are attempting something difficult?

Do you feel worried, scared, frustrated or believe that you won't succeed? Or do you feel excited, keen and have the belief that you will be successful?

Everyone has negative thoughts at times, this is only natural. But the key to helping your child become more positive is to make them aware of the negative thoughts that are taking hold and concentrate on reversing them. If you hear your child make negative comments, pull them up and ask, "What did you say?" Try to encourage them to have a positive outlook instead and to focus on a good outcome by making their comments positive.

Teach them to keep their statements in past tense as if they've already achieved the outcome they want e.g. "I HAVE won the race!" I HAVE passed my math test!"

Encourage them to visualize the end result as well as having the feelings of success e.g. winning a medal at the end of a race, achieving a good result in a test, feeling proud about learning something new.

Remember, what we think about, we bring about and by acting as a positive role model through displaying this type of behavior also, you'll make a huge difference – but not only to your child's life, to your own as well!

By having a positive attitude and approach to life and surrounding your child with positive comments, thoughts, feelings and behaviors, they're much more likely to take this approach on board as well. The transformation you will see will not only be rewarding but totally inspirational.

# Chapter 2 - Developing Positive Personal Characteristics

Talk to your child about positive personal characteristics. You should focus on one characteristic at a time. Make sure they suit your child's age and needs.

Here are some personal characteristics you can discuss: empathy, bravery, dependability, generosity, good friend, good listener, polite, well-mannered, compassionate, caring, loving, loyal, supportive, trustworthy, courteous, kind, cooperative, honest, hard working, organized, responsible, calm, strong, reliable, enthusiastic, funny, sporty, athletic, artistic, common sense, creative, intelligent, smart, never gives up (persistent), being able to cope with disappointment (resilient)....

You may need to talk about what the characteristics mean...what they would look like in a person. For example, "What would someone who is a good listener do when someone else is talking?" or "Is there anyone you know who never gives up (persistent) and what type of things do they do when they come across a problem?"

Give examples to your child, both of their actions and the actions/character of friends and family. Try to keep to positive examples and discussions to begin with.

Work on each characteristic for at least a month, until your child acts in this way naturally and without you having to prompt them. Then move on to another characteristic you want to develop in your child. You may need to revisit characteristics occasionally, make sure you model them to your children all the time.

As you work through the above list, you could write the personal characteristics on pieces of card for your child to review. Ask your child what things would a generous person do. Talk about people they may know who are generous. With your child, make a list of generous things that they can do for their family, pets and community.

Always point out examples of positive personal characteristics. For example, if you're on the bus with your child and you see someone stand for an elderly person, point it out and talk about why that is a kind thing to do and how that would make the person feel.

Your child's personal characteristics, values and personality are formed during their young years. Put in some work now and you'll be rewarded with wonderful teenagers and adults.

#  Chapter 3 - Why is Resilience Important and How Can Parents Help?

There are so many challenges to face in life, we as parents and carers certainly know that! And it's hard enough to deal with daily stresses ourselves let alone witness our kids having to cope with problems as well. However, life is what we make of it and it really is our job to equip our children with the tools they need to not only survive but be able to cope with the curve ball that they're sure to be thrown throughout their young lives and into adulthood.

This is where the personal trait of resilience comes into the picture. By developing resilience and the tactics and skills necessary to deal with the stresses and strains of growing up, our kids will be so much better off. Resilience will allow them to handle the challenges, frustrations and difficulties that come their way. It will also help them to manage the emotions that can overwhelm and influence a person to react in an inappropriate and often dangerous manner.

Unless kids are able to manage their emotions, there can be a high level of risk that they'll experience various behavioral problems, mental health issues and also learning difficulties, all of which really need to be avoided at all costs. Of course, these are extreme cases, but resilience is also an essential skill needed to cope with common everyday problems and challenges as well as the disappointments of more serious issues. These can include friendship problems, difficult and time-consuming school work and homework and not achieving certain goals and expectations.

Rather than becoming overwrought with the effects of anger, tears, frustration or even jealousy, children can learn how to better cope with their problems and then to move on. To do this, there are various skills that they need to be taught:

Managing to remain calm when faced with challenging or difficult situations, events or people.

Learning to have self-control when upset or angry.

Being able to calm down within a reasonable amount of time.

Moving on from the issue at hand and being able to regain focus on work or play.

Of course these skills have to be worked on because they aren't the usual automatic reactions to stress and problems. Many adults are still to develop these skills and it can be a common occurrence to see an adult behaving in a totally inappropriate manner because they're upset or angry.

The issue here is to help our kids avoid these situations by becoming aware of their own feelings and emotions and also of the way that they themselves react in the face of conflict, stress or disappointment. They can then learn how to deal with these emotions so that they're able to react in a more constructive and positive manner.

Often, some simple and consistent help and guidance from you can be the answer to your child's success. So, sit down with them and have a go at discussing the following:

Share experiences in your own life where being resilient has helped you and also where becoming upset and angry made the situation much worse. Stories demonstrating the problem, especially stories of when you were a child, make it very easy for kids to relate to and understand the concept you're trying to teach them.

Discuss the lessons that you learned from your mistakes and brainstorm together some other more positive ways that you could have handled each situation. Remind them that having the ability to stay calm and bounce back helps people to be successful and happy.

Brainstorm with your child some practical tips that they can use to help them when upset, worried or angry. Some suggestions to include are as follows:

walk away

stop and take a deep breath before reacting in the wrong manner – this gives you time to think before speaking or overreacting

locate a time out area in which to calm down

talk to a friend, teacher or family member

use positive self-talk (see our notes on this skill in chapter 17)

assert yourself and don't allow others to put you down or upset you

don't blow things out of proportion – this can be very common and often small problems can turn into monumental dramas totally unnecessarily

Role-play various scenarios where you and your child act out a variety of possible problems that they may encounter. Take turns at being the one who demonstrates resilience, showing a positive reaction to the issue.

Be a good role model! This is absolutely essential as children learn by example and copy what they see. If they're witnessing you flying off the handle at the slightest upset, yelling, screaming, ranting, raving then they're going to dothe same. They'll watch both their parents interacting and dealing with their own problems as well as how they cope with problems involving friends or strangers. If you can manage to stay calm and deal with the issue in a positive manner, not only will this be a much more effective way for you to solve the problem but you're setting a great example for your kids. It's not an easy skill to master, but with practice and self control, it can be taken on board and used regularly. With your good example, your child will be much more successful in managing this essential life skill as well.

We have 2 choices in life and choosing to be resilient and reacting to negative situations in a positive rather than negative manner will help everyone to be much better off.

#  Chapter 4 - Building Confidence – The Key To Success

"Would you like a turn, Oliver?" Mrs Jackson asked. "No, thanks. I'm no good at that!" Oliver replied. "What about the other activity?" Mrs Jackson questioned further. That looks like something you might enjoy." "No, I'll just watch." Oliver sat quietly in the corner while the rest of the class became involved in all the fun. "It is only the start of the school year and he probably just needs time to settle in," Mrs Jackson thought to herself, "but it would be so nice to see Oliver have a go."

The problem was that Oliver was afraid. He wanted to join in, but knew that if he did, he'd just wreck it all and the other kids would probably laugh. It was the same with pretty much everything he tried. He wasn't very good at schoolwork either and never put his hand up to ask questions. That would just be too embarrassing! Everyone knew how dumb he was already and he didn't want to make it even more obvious. There were other kids in his class who weren't that smart but at least they were good at sport, and if you were good at sport, everyone thought you were cool! But Oliver hated sport, probably because he was no good at that either.

The following week, the class was given an art activity to complete and to Mrs Jackson's surprise, Oliver's talent was instantly obvious. "You're so good at this Oliver!" she had exclaimed. "Do you do art classes after school?" "No," he had replied, "but I'd really like to!" Mrs Jackson immediately knew how she could help him. It had been painfully obvious to her that he simply lacked confidence and his lack of self confidence was impacting on all areas of his schooling. It was not only affecting his academic performance but he also didn't have the self assurance needed to make friends. This all added up to a shy, lonely boy, with low self esteem, who wasn't really enjoying school at all.

So Mrs Jackson decided to implement the usual strategy that she knew would make the world of difference. Praise! Praise and positive reinforcement! This always worked wonders in motivating kids to try harder and to reach their potential. All she had needed to do was find Oliver's talent. Everyone is good at something and Oliver's talent was art. He was born to be an artist and that's what she began to focus on; that along with his kind, caring and helpful personality. You see, Oliver was a really nice person; he just had to be given the chance to show it. And the praise he started getting from his teacher, not just for his art work but also his helpful manner, soon began to have a big impact. Oliver started smiling, standing taller and straighter and even startedto join in. It hadn't taken long at all to convince him that he was a great kid and had his own talents to be proud of. The other children soon started acknowledging this as well and he felt so proud.

Funnily enough, his school work suddenly started to improve as well. Maybe it was because he now felt the confidence he needed to actually put his hand up and ask for help. Or maybe it was his newfound positive attitude that had contributed and he was now putting in some effort.As well as this, he was even starting to make friends. It's amazing how much difference some self esteem and confidence can make to a person, isn't it?

**Confidence truly is a gift that can be carried everywhere on life's journey and one of the most beneficial gifts we can ever give to our children. Without self-confidence, so many opportunities can pass us by and this is simply because we often don't feel that we're good enough, capable enough, clever enough or brave enough. But by having the confidence to take that initial step, we really can unlock our hidden potential and this is so true of our children.**

**We both had challenging upbringings and for different reasons. I certainly wish that my parents had helped me to see even a glimmer of my potential when I was young. I'm sure my mother meant well, but I can clearly remember her, putting me down, humiliating me at times and having a huge impact on my self esteem and confidence level, simply because of the words she used. And I don't remember my dad having much input at all. Karen was lucky, she had a mother who encouraged her to strive hard and do her best.**

**I think I always had an inner confidence though and a self-belief that was strong enough to allow me to do some pretty amazing things in my life. But I wonder how much more I really could have achieved, especially while still at a young age, rather than waiting till now to begin to realize my potential.**

**Don't make the same mistake with your own children. Everyone is capable of so much, as long as they have someone who believes in them and helps to develop the inner confidence they need to really achieve. As parents and carers, we really owe it to our kids to help them realize their full potential. While extra tuition, after school classes, sporting programs and extracurricular activities can allcertainly make a difference, what matters most is the belief that you instill in your child through your own words and actions. By developing this belief, you're giving them the best gift you could imagine and that is the gift of confidence.**

_Regardless of how academic, athletic or creative your child is, there are methods you can use to stimulate their self-belief and self-confidence so that they're driven to achieve their potential not only in the area where they show talent but in so many other areas as well._

If your child has a weakness in a particular area, and let's face it, we all have weaknesses, the secret is to build their confidence by _focusing on their strengths. Everyone is good at something_ and as parents and carers our responsibility is to focus on the strengths in our children.

Is your child good at...

Sport

Art

Dance

Drama

Math

Writing stories or reports

Science

Being a nice person

Caring for others

Looking after animals

Cooking

Music

Or is it something else?

Your job is to focus on whatever area they display talent in and boost their confidence by giving as much genuine praise and positive reinforcement as possible. Please don't praise or reward them just for the sake of it. False praise is not good for them and they can see right through it. With consistent, deserved praise and encouragement, their confidence will increase dramatically and along with that, their belief in their abilities and their willingness to attempt more difficult tasks.

This is often the key that will open the door to their success simply by giving them the confidence they need to try new experiences and attempt things they would never have dreamed of even trying.

**To help you succeed in helping your child however, there are some points that you must consider and be aware of. It's very important that you never talk about your child's problems or shortcomings in front of them.This happens all the time...well-meaning parents talk to the teacher negatively about their child while their child is listening. They're probably saying the same thing at home as well. This means this thought is being hammered into their child's brain and belief system.**

**If someone you respect and love tells you something...you're likely to believe it. If you think you can't do something, you won't be able to do it. For example, a parent of an 8-year-old told me in front of her child that the girl was no good at schoolwork and she never would be. Her main line of reasoning was that she was hopeless at school, so her daughter would be the same. She also stated that she would probably leave school as soon as possible and get a job in a shop. Now this girl was actually quite smart and capable of achieving the type of marks one needs to enter University. I told both the mother and daughter this, but the mother was adamant and told me her daughter was dumb, just like her. This is just one example but unfortunately I've witnessed this "talking down" to children scores of times over the years.**

Self-confidence is a key factor in success. By developing self-confidence in our children we're setting them up to succeed.

Did you know that body language significantly influences our perception of another person? The words we use only account for 7% of communicating our message. 93% of how people perceive us and our level of self-confidenceis through:

Voice tone

Eye contact

Diction and volume of our voice

Body language

**All of these factors count towards what people think of us and our abilities and body language is the most important. It has the biggest influence on how we are perceived and how seriously we're taken. Consider the impact of this if your child would like to take on a leadership position such as class or school captain or captain of a sporting team or music program. Consider the impact if they're auditioning for a part in a class presentation or school musical or play. Which child do you think will be chosen? The one who stands meekly and is too shy to speak up or even make eye contact? Or the child who has confident body language with a loud, clear and confident voice and who makes good eye contact with their audience?**

**Now perhaps you think your child doesn't really have leadership aspirations or abilities, but who knows what they're really capable of if they're given the chance. Imagine the doors that will open up and the career opportunities that will become available for the kids who are confident and do have belief in themselves! We all know confident, well spoken adults, don't we? Those ones who have no trouble speaking in front of a crowd and who display excellent leadership skills? Perhaps you're one of these people yourself or perhaps you simply admire these qualities in others. Whichever is the case, wouldn't you love to see your child possessing this level of confidence? Imagine the future that would be ahead for them, if they did!**

_Now, the question is, what can you do to actually help your child develop and display self-confidence? There are various pointers that you can discuss and work on with your child. Encourage them to do each of the following and to practice these skills at home..._

Stand tall, head held high & shoulders back.

Look people in the eye when talking and when being spoken to.

Speak up and vary their vocal tone - they need to look and sound interested.

Constantly model all of the above to your child!

Praise them from an early age when they do something well. This is the best way to encourage them to repeat and continue this desired behavior.

Another very simple and extremely effective way to build self- confidence in your child is through praise. Use praise and positive reinforcement regularly and you will develop their self-confidence quickly and easily. You can do this simply by using genuine phrases and words such as...

_You're fantastic. That's incredible. Excellent. Outstanding. Well done. Great. Magnificent. Nice work. You're special. Super Star. Good job. Good for you. Fantastic job. Outstanding performance. You're a winner. You make me happy. You've got it now. You're catching on. Terrific. Awesome. You're spectacular. Marvellous. Beautiful. How smart. You're incredible. That's the best. Super job. You worked it out. You're smart. You've got a great imagination. You're so important to me. The best day of my life was the day you were born. You make me laugh/happy. I love you. I trust you. I'm so proud of you. You are perfect. Nothing can stop you now. You're so beautiful. Beautiful work. You're growing up. You're so responsible. You mean the world to me. You're unique. You belong. You're wonderful. You're a great friend._

If you say these things to your child...with your eyes focused on them, a loving smile on your face and sincerity in your voice...you will see your child's self-confidence blossom. Start complimenting them when they're babies. The roll on effect of genuine praise is absolutely amazing!

**It's also extremely important to consistently encourage your child! Encouragement is another wonderful tool for developing their self-confidence.**

**Encourage them to participate in a variety of activities and try new experiences; you never know what hidden talents they may have.**

**Talk to them about their interests and ask what sports or hobbies they would like to try.**

**Watch them while they play indoors and outdoors and observe what type of TV programs, movies and games interest them.**

**Encourage them to join a club; it could be scouts, chess, soccer, hockey, music, art, dance drama etc. Involvement in activities such as these works wonders for building self- confidence in kids.**

**Be sure to show your child that you love them as well. Give them cuddles and tell them that you love them for whom they are. Also show them appreciation for things they do for you and include simple appreciation for being a good person (especially when they display the values you want to encourage). If they know they're loved they will have the confidence to try new experiences and persist until they achieve their goals.**

**Play with your child both indoors and outdoors. In today's busy world many parents find it difficult to do this. Put off doing the housework and spend some quality time with your children. They will greatly appreciate your time and interest more than a perfectly clean house.**

**Making their own decisions is another effective way to develop self-confidence as well as independence. Simple activities like helping with the food shopping and allowing them to make some healthy food choices, picking movies to watch or family activities will help with this skill.**

**Talk to your child about values and personal characteristics that you admire and aspire to. With younger kids it's simple to point out children who share, show good manners, have healthy eating habits etc. and discuss how great these traits are and how much you value and admire them.**

**This works particularly well with older children and can form the basis of meaningful discussions between parents and their kids. The role models (both good and bad) can extend from friends to family to people in the world spotlight. Be sure also to recognize and praise the times when your child demonstrates the habits that you're trying to promote.**

**Asking your child to help around the house is also a self-confidence builder. They will think that you must really trust them to do certain jobs. Show them how to do the job and help them the first time. Now this is where you may need to step back a little. Let your child learn how to solve their own problems and master skills without stepping in (unless there is a danger). Some parents find this extremely difficult to do and they will quickly step in and take the task off their child in order to have it completed "correctly". Or worse still, they will nag and criticize their children for not doing a good enough job.**

**It's like the wife who criticizes her husband because he didn't hang out the washing to her standard. The likely scenario is that he will never do it again and the same is likely to happen with children.**

**But worst of all, it will lower their self-confidence and make them think they're not good enough. Even if the job is not perfect, still thank your child and show appreciation. If they did a part of the job well, then praise that part, e.g. "Look at the way you swept the kitchen floor, it's so clean I could eat off it, well done."**

**Self-confidence and love are the two biggest gifts you can give your child. So make it a point to develop the skill of confidence. The rewards will be far and wide and your child's chances of success in life far greater, for having been given these gifts. So easy to give and yet, so valuable!**

# Chapter 5 \- Why Does Your Child Need Positive Social Skills?

Being able to get along with others and have friends who genuinely like you, want to spend time with you and who are there to support you is essential to a person's emotional well being. While some people don't like or want lots of attention from others and may even prefer to keep to themselves, everyone needs at least one good friend, it's a natural part of the human psyche. And this is no different for children. In fact, the ability to display positive social skills is a critical part of their development.

Do you know that the most important part of the schooling experience is that children are happy socially? We've told parents this fact, time and time again over the years and still cannot emphasize it enough. The cruncher is however, that for kids to be happy socially, they must have positive social skills themselves. Studies show that peer acceptance in year 3 is a better predictor of mental health at age 18 than is academic performance, IQ level or psychological testing. If your child is not positive and does not display positive social skills, they'll find it difficult to form and maintain relationships with their peers.

A child who has friends and feels socially secure at school is much more likely to enjoy being there and feel motivated to learn; rather than the opposite, which is a common occurrence in children who experience social problems. Even as an adult, if you didn't feel comfortable and accepted in a social group you would have trouble focusing and enjoying the learning experience.

On many occasions, we've witnessed children at school who always seem to be sitting on their own at lunch or play time, are never invited to join a group and are always the last to be picked on teams. Not only is this demoralising and quickly contributes to poor self esteem and low confidence, but it simply creates an environment where these kids do not want to be. In short, they begin to really dislike being at school. Without friendship or a support network, they lose interest in the whole schooling process, are not willing to try and only succeed in alienating themselves further due to the manner in which they desperately try to interact. The other kids really don't want them around, because they're annoying, they can't share, they make mean and inappropriate comments or they simply don't know how to get along.

We cannot stress enough that the need to focus on this area of your child's development should start from as early an age as possible. It's our responsibility as parents and carers to ensure that our children are given the opportunities they need to develop these all-important skills so that they have every chance of becoming happy and well-adjusted adults.

When considering the process, please don't assume that by sending your child to kindergarten, preschool or day care, they'll have plenty of opportunities to spend time with other children and learn to develop good social skills. While these occasions are stimulating and fun, it doesn't necessarily mean that your child is learning how to get along with others. The fact of the matter is that they'll often play alongside other kids rather than "with" them. Playing and cooperating with others is a skill that they need to be taught. They also need to be shown how to interact in a positive manner. There are many children who exhibit negative behaviors and if your child spends several hours in their company, it's these anti-social or negative behaviors that your child will often take on board.

#  Chapter 6 \- How to Help Your Child Develop Positive Social Skills

There are many strategies that you can use to assist your child in developing positive social skills and by implementing these strategies on a regular basis you can encourage the "right" sort of behavior in your child. Empowered with positive skills, they will then in turn have a much better chance to live the socially and emotionally happy and secure lifethat they deserve.

Try the following with your child so they can develop the social skills and pro-social behavior they need that will lead to enjoyment of school and life in general:

1. Teach Your Child about Emotions and Empathy

Talking to your child about their feelings and the feelings of others will really assist in developing their understanding and improve the social skills that they display.

Communicating to your child, the way their behavior makes you feel is very effective e.g. "I'm really upset because you won't play nicely with me." Or, "The way you spoke to me makes me feel really sad!" They don't intentionally want to hurt or upset you and are often quite unaware of the consequences of their actions and words. By discussing your feelings with them, they'll become much more aware and considerate of others.

Point out examples of people experiencing different emotional states and talk about why those people feel that way. For example, if a sibling or friend is angry you could talk about what made them angry and discuss their reaction. Then discuss how that negative behavior isn't going to solve the problem. You could brainstorm with your child how those people could have solved the problem in a different way.

2. Play with Your Child

Playtime with your child is fun for both of you and it can be a very special opportunity for one-on-one time that will not last forever. As well as this, it's a great opportunity to discuss, demonstrate and develop positive social skills. Encourage the concept of playing "with" each other without anyone being "the boss" or dominating the playtime. This is a perfect occasion to demonstrate and teach sharing. As you play, remind and reinforce the need for good manners, sharing and being a caring "friend."

3. Use Praise Often

Whenever you do you see your child behaving in a positive manner and displaying good social skills, always be sure to praise them. Make sure you tell them why they're receiving praise, e.g. "Adam, you are such a great kid, I love the way you shared the blocks with Sam." Children respond so well to praise and this will simply encourage the behavior to continue.

4. Be a Positive Role Model

Children learn from what they see and if you constantly display pro-social behavior and positive social skills when interacting with them and with other people as well, they'll copy this.

We're all human though, and it's easy to lose control at times. If this happens, simply discuss the issue with your child and also how you can deal with your behavior e.g. apologizing, remembering to say a belated "thank you" etc. This way, they can experience first hand the appropriate way to deal with emotional outbursts or negative behaviors when and if they do occur. This strategy will really help to strengthen and improve their own social skills.

_Try implementing these strategies as often as possible with your child so that they're able to communicate and interact with others in a positive manner. Equipped with good social skills, their chance of success at school will increase dramatically. A socially happy child is much more willing and motivated to learn. So make it a point to encourage the best social skills in your child that you can, from as early an age as possible._

Why Are Some Children and Adults So Negative?

We all know people who can't maintain a relationship and who lack positive interpersonal skills. Yes, they find a close friend or lover and then due to poor interpersonal skills, sabotage any chances they have of continuing the relationship. Many of these people suffer from Attachment Disorder. It's estimated that 90% of prisoners suffer from this disorder. Not everyone who has this disorder goes to jail, but they do end up being lonely old people.

The first 3 years of a child's life are crucial for developing the interpersonal skills necessary to relate to people and maintain relationships. How a baby and toddler relates to his or her parents at this tender age is incredibly important. If a caring and loving relationship isn't formed, then this can lead to a life of poor interpersonal skills and broken relationships.

Of course, people who have Attachment Disorder will have varying degrees of problems. The best way to avoid this is to form a loving and close relationship with your baby from birth. Some people think that the first 3 years don't really matter because the child won't remember those years anyway. _Wrong! Interpersonal skills must be developed from as early as possible._

#  Chapter 7 - How to Help Your Child Become a Happy Person

Being happy is all about your feelings and the interactions you have with others rather than simply having money and possessions. Having all the material things in life that you could ever wish for may bring a temporary feeling of happiness, but it certainly does not create a long-term feeling of being genuinely happy.

Some people are born with a positive attitude and always seem to soldier on with a smile on their faces regardless of their circumstances, seeing the best in everyone and everything. Whereas others may appear to have everything they could possibly need but do not seem to actually be happy.

Happiness is a mindset that we can choose to have and there are many things that we can do to help stimulate happy feelings both in ourselves and in our children.

Throughout this chapter, we've listed many ideas and suggestions that you can use for yourself and your child to create happy feelings and to teach your child that happiness is there for the taking. They have 2 choices, to be happy in life, or to be unhappy. And being happy is certainly a lot more fun!!

Having a Go!

Abbey was turning 9 and now old enough to play netball. This had been her mum's favorite sport when she was young and she'd always thought that her daughter would enjoy it too. However, Abbey was adamant that this sport just wasn't for her. She'd seen the girls at school playing netball and knew how good they were. She didn't feel that she'd ever be able to play as well as them and was too embarrassed and anxious to even think about trying to become involved. "A team sport is so much fun," her mum had said, trying to encourage her. "You'll be able to make some new friends and feel part of a team." It's great exercise as well!" But Abbey firmly declined – she was not interested.

Abbey's mum decided not to leave it at that, but rather than pressure her and get into an argument, she told Abbey that she needed to speak with the netball coach one afternoon after picking her up from school. Abbey and her mum approached the netball court where a training session was in progress. As her mum quietly spoke with the coach, Abbey looked on while the girls on the court played. "Would you like to join the game and see if you like it?" asked the coach. "Lots of the girls are just learning and we need some more players. It'd be great if you could help us out."

Abbey hesitantly joined the game where she was immediately welcomed by the other girls, eager to assist her with rules and instructions. Two hours later, she rushed through the front door of her home, smiling proudly as she showed her dad her new netball uniform and informed him that she would now be playing netball every Saturday morning and eagerly asked if he could come to watch the games.

Through the support and encouragement of her parents, Abbey was able to enjoy many netball seasons. They were a highlight of her childhood, providing her with the opportunity to build lifelong friendships and develop confidence in herself and her abilities while having a heap of fun along the way. This experience has also given her the confidence and self esteem to try out many other new activities and skills over the years, some of which she's mastered and some of which she hasn't, although she's certainly had fun trying. But then, life is meant to be enjoyed isn't it? And when opportunity knocks, shouldn't we all have a go?

Encourage your child to try different activities and 'have a go' when opportunities are offered. This way they can learn to enjoy life and not be one of the bystanders who just sits back and watches life pass them by. There are so many opportunities that arise every day – perhaps they'll be invited to join in a game, or be included in a class play or possibly to try a musical instrument or a new sport. Encouraging your child to become involved will allow them to have fun while learning new skills at the same time. With practice, they can then become more skilled and confident and be able to enjoy the activity even further. This will develop feelings of good self esteem, confidence and pride which in turn develops feelings of happiness.

If your child lacks confidence, is too anxious or too shy to join in or attempt unfamiliar activities then help them to overcome this, by following the advice and strategies we offer throughout this book. Life is not a rehearsal and we only get once chance to live it, so we may as well do our best to have fun along the way!

Through Music

Music is a wonderful way to stimulate positive endorphins in the brain and playing and listening to music that you enjoy is a fabulous way to help you feel happy. Most people love to turn up the radio in the car when their favorite song is playing and by simply listening or singing along can help to create instantaneous feelings of happiness and enjoyment.

Encourage and allow your child to listen to music. If their choice isn't to your liking, then provide them with an opportunity to listen to their favorites on an ipod or in the privacy of their bedroom.

Learning a musical instrument is also a pastime that many people enjoy and not only is it educational and stimulates memory and learning ability but it's also lots of fun and a wonderful life long skill to have. Most schools offer instrumental music programs and many will even lend or hire instruments to the students to trial and use. Alternatively, you might like to trial instrumental music or singing lessons outside of school. Many second hand instruments can be bought quite cheaply through music stores, the local newspaper or even from friends.

_To take advantage of our series of step-by-step guitar lessons right through from beginner to advanced levels, please visit our website_ http://www.howtohelpchildren.com . This is a great way to learn a musical instrument at your convenience in your own home.

We're sure your whole family will thoroughly enjoy these lessons and will really benefit.

Being Kind to Others

Some people are constantly criticizing others and never have anything positive to say. This is often to overcome their own feelings of insecurity and to help them feel better about themselves. Encourage your child to ignore the criticism and putdowns of other people and feel proud of themselves for having a go. Also, ensure that you encourage your child to support others through their own kind words rather than negative ones. Giving genuine compliments is a great way to make others feel happy and what you give out comes straight back to you.

Be sure to role model this to your child on a regular basis by being careful not to put them down or criticize them and others in a negative manner. Providing positive and constructive feedback is so much more beneficial and the smile on your child's face when you praise their efforts is worth so much. By witnessing this trait first hand, they are more likely to do the same.

Finding your Passion

Encourage and support your child's involvement in something they really believe in and enjoy. If they don't have any strong interests, try to give them the opportunity to be involved in a variety of different activities until they do find something that they can become busy with and passionate about. What better way to feel happy in life, than following your passion?

Learning to Appreciate Life's Blessings

Rather than focusing on all the negative thoughts, feelings and actions that can quickly fill our minds and our world, teach your child to focus on and appreciate the wonderful world they live in and to be grateful for everything that they have. Encourage them on a daily basis to list 3 things that they're grateful for or that have happened to them that day. This is a wonderful skill with which to equip your child and with daily training, these positive rather than negative thoughts can become a routine part of their day (and yours too).

Make it a habit to appreciate life, and encourage the whole family to do the same. Switch off the negative and horrifying news programs (especially when your child is around) and have a laugh together, play some games, crack a joke and simply focus on the positive aspects of your life. You'll be amazed at how much happier this can make you feel.

Whatever you appreciate, appreciates – so the more you and your children are grateful for life's blessings, the more blessings you will receive and the happier you will feel.

**Staying Fit and Healthy**

By encouraging a healthy lifestyle through good diet and exercise, will not only make your child feel better; it will also boost their self-esteem and personal pride. This way, they can develop a positive self image and feel happy about the way they look.

As well, exercise releases a chemical called serotonin into the brain and this actually produces feelings of happiness. So encourage your child to get exercising – they'll not only get fit but they'll also get happy!

Wearing a Smile

A smile is worth a thousand words – smile at your children and watch them smile back. Then see how happy this makes you both feel.

Role model and encourage your child to smile and be friendly when out and about – then discuss with them how it makes them feel when people smile back, and how happy!

Remember, happiness doesn't always come easily. It's something that may have to be worked at. But if something is worth having, isn't it worth a little effort? With your encouragement and support, your child can learn to be a happy person and to have a happy and positive outlook on life.

#  Chapter 8 - How to Create a Happy and Positive Family

We all see examples of happy and unhappy families both in real life and on the television and movie screen. If you want your child to be positive, then create a happy family.

Children need to feel loved and that they're an important part of a unit. Even children who have terrible parents still love them. Unfortunately terrible parents often bring up equally terrible children because that's all the kids ever see. Most children think that this negative role model is perfectly normal and this is how they should behave as well.

Some Ways You Can Create a Happy Family:

Family traditions bring the family close together on special occasions. They could include how you celebrate birthdays and special holidays, e.g. family barbecues, parties, reading special books, singing songs, watching family movies or going on holiday together. I've seen many families who go away camping together as a group every Christmas and this is often passed down through the generations.

Play sport, join a club or do activities together. Everyone in my immediate family (husband, two kids and myself) surf. There is nothing better than going out for a surfing session together. Other families all become involved in their local sporting club, scouts group, theatre group etc.

Don't encourage your family members to be competitive with each other. Model and praise your children when they support and cheer on their family members.

Be careful not to spoil one member or give more attention to one child over another.

Have guidelines, rules and boundaries that are clear and understood. You need to be consistent with everyone in the family. Family jealousy will erupt if you're not fair.

Eat together at night time. The statistics for the amount of time parents spend talking to their children are horrifying. The average parent spends less than 40 minutes a week talking to their child. If you have a family dinnertime, you can talk to your children for around 30 minutes and this allows you to find out about their day, how they're going with school, sport, friends, interests etc. This time also allows siblings the time to talk to and appreciate each other. Each family approaches eating dinner differently, some like to eat in front of the TV, others at the dining table. Honestly it really doesn't matter as long as you're all together and talking.

Some children aren't allowed to speak during dinnertime and I think this is a huge mistake. Eating together also gives parents of tweens and teens the opportunity to monitor what their children are eating and how much they are eating.

# Chapter 9 - Good Manners: This Seems To Be A Dying Art!

Good manners are one of the most important skills we can teach our kids. Children with good manners leave a lasting impression on others and developing this attribute can lead to countless opportunities for them.

Adults love children with good manners and by teaching our children this all-important skill from as early an age as possible, we're helping to set them up for future success.

Take the time to develop good manners in your child by encouraging them to do the following:

Always say "please"and "thank you."

Say "hello" to adults you know when you're out and about.

Say, "Excuse me" when trying to get past someone.

Wait your turn to speak and say, "Excuse me" if you need to interrupt a conversation.

Use acceptable language when speaking.

Respect other people's houses and property.

Answer the phone with, "Hello, ............. speaking. Who's calling please?" (or something similar). Other adults love this and always commented to me on our children's beautiful phone manners and were so impressed that they often decided to encourage their own kids to do the same.

Always take your dirty dishes from the table to the sink (and offer to help clean up).

Display good table manners - use cutlery, ask for food to be passed to you, chew with your mouth closed etc.

Offer your seat to an older person if travelling on crowded public transport.

Offer to help friends and adults when out and about, if you can see that they need a helping hand (e.g. carrying books, lunch boxes, bags, groceries, etc.)

These are just some of the good manners that children can be taught and reminded of as they grow up. The feeling of pride as their parent when you're constantly complimented on what a well mannered child you have makes every effort that it took to reinforce this all important habit, so worthwhile!

_Remember, children learn by example and if they see their parents displaying good manners such as these, both at home and in public, they're much more likely to display them themselves._

#  Chapter 10 - Coping With Disappointment and How To Be A Good Loser

Developing good sportsmanship skills must begin at a young age.

If children are going to be accepted socially and really enjoy their sporting activities, they must exhibit good sportsmanship.

As teachers, we often see children who struggle with playing games with other children because they don't understand the concept of good sportsmanship and fair play. These children can't handle it if they get out in a game or if the game isn't played to suit them. They don't understand or exhibit good sportsmanship.

If this happens on a regular basis the other kids will end up excluding them and they may end up alone at play times.

We, as parents, sometimes may be to blame for creating this behavior, by always letting our child win when we play games with them. Yes, it's important to handle our young child's self esteem gently, but we must be careful not to overdo it or they may miss out on understanding that they won't always win and also the all-important concept of good sportsmanship and being a good winner and loser.

Encourage the understanding that you don't have to win to have fun. Give praise to your child for doing well and trying their best...this positive praise is vital for your child's development. Equally important though, is to teach your child good sportsmanship by being a gracious winner and not putting down other children because they beat them.

One of the most popular girls that we ever taught is a natural athlete who wins virtually every physical game or activity she goes in. She is very modest and always encouraging to the other students. She constantly displays very good sportsmanship and this is one of the reasons why she is so popular.

#  _Chapter 11 - Teaching Your Child To Show Gratitude_

By remembering to feel gratitude and appreciation for what they have, children can learn to deal with disappointment.

Disappointment hurts but it's part of life and by focusing on feelings of gratitude for what they have already received or achieved, kids can learn to move on and much more easily overcome their disappointment.

These feelings of gratitude will also open the doors for many positive experiences and events to come their way. Teach your child from a young age to look at life in a positive manner and when they're faced with challenging experiences or disappointment to not give up.

Instead, help them to realise their achievements and feel gratitude for what they already have. This will encourage positive thoughts and assist them in continuing to strive for the result they want.

Make sure you model this skill to your children; this is your most powerful teaching tool!

Another way to encourage your children to appreciate the things and people they have in their lives is to start a gratitude book when they're young. The whole family can participate in this. Every night talk about things you're grateful for and write them in a special little book.

You could send notes of gratitude to people who help your family in some way. It could be physical acts they've performed, e.g. collecting your mail, car pooling, Grandma baking biscuits for your family etc.

Or you could thank people for acts of kindness, e.g. giving someone a hug when they're upset, sharing a game, being a good friend etc.

_We all have so much to feel absolute gratitude for and this is a life skill that parents must model to their children on a regular basis. It will not only help them to live much happier lives but will also assist their parents in living a much more fulfilling life as well._

#  Chapter 12 - How to Help your Child Deal with Anxiety

Ryan was a worrier! Whenever he had exams at school, he would worry. Whenever, there was a big football game coming up, he would worry. And whenever anything out of the ordinary happened, Ryan would worry.

He just couldn't control his anxious feelings and this time was no different to any other. In 3 weeks Ryan would be facing the test to qualify for a 'learn to drive' permit. And to him, it seemed that this was the most stressful time of his entire life.

He knew that he'd always been a worrier. Even when he was a little kid and all through primary school, he'd been a worrier. But there had been nothing he'd been able to do about it, or so he told himself. His mum and dad had tried to help, but it hadn't done any good and now he was 17 years of age and STILL worrying.

The thought of that test was making him feel nauseous – he hoped that he wouldn't throw up. Imagine if he failed? What would all his friends at school say? "You're such a loser!" He could hear them now.

He thought about his best friend, Jack, who had just recently managed to pass his learners permit test with flying colors. "Typical!" Ryan had thought when he'd heard the news. He always does well. Everything good happens to him. He's so lucky!'

Now what Ryan didn't realize was that Jack had been just as nervous about going for his learners permit as Ryan. The only difference was that Jack had a strategy, a strategy that always worked when he felt stressed or nervous. "Focus!" his mum had told him. "Focus on what you want, not what you don't want. Believe that you can do it, tell yourself that you can do it and see yourself actually doing what you want to achieve."

And, like always, that was what he had done. He took on board everything his mum had taught him and later walked out of the driving test office with a huge smile on his face and a learner's permit in his hand. He was confident also that it would be exactly the same when he returned the following year for his actual driving test, which he knew with certainty that he would also pass with flying colors. He couldn't wait for that day!

**Anxiety in children is a common occurrence especially when they're faced with new and challenging experiences** **.** **It causes worry and stress.** Children are then often unable to achieve their goals and even become reluctant to attempt the difficult task or new experience they're confronted with. Anxiety can also result in disappointment, ridicule from peers, low self esteem and lower levels of confidence.

With support and guidance from parents, this can be minimized drastically and give children the opportunity to achieve beyond what they even thought possible. By practising and using the following strategies, children can learn to conquer this roadblock to success.

Discuss with your child situations that do cause them to feel anxious or stressed (explain that anxiety can be avoided).

Ask what are the thoughts they often have that cause them to feel nervous or anxious e.g. "I must do it perfectly!" "If I do badly, everyone will think I'm stupid!" "This is too hard, I can't do it!"

Brainstorm some alternative thoughts that they can have instead to help keep calm e.g. "So what if I make a mistake, everyone makes mistakes!" "I will just try my best!" "I think I can do this!"

Encourage your child to have the "I Can Do It!" attitude and way of thinking which will help to boost confidence in their abilities and avoid nervousness and anxiety.

Encourage positive self-talk (see chapter 17).

Encourage them to try new activities even if they have a chance of not being successful and praise them for trying.

Share stories from your own life or others where anxiety has been present and where you've used strategies to overcome it and achieved success (it's much more effective if you can share your stories about anxiety so they have something to relate to).

Constantly praise your child and provide positive feedback for their efforts when they do try something new or attempt something hard, regardless of the result.

Give behavior specific feedback to boost confidence, so that anxiety can be avoided and the skills to avoid it become part of their every day mind set and way of thinking e.g.

"That's amazing, I knew you could do it! - Well done!"

"That wasn't easy to do but you did it - Way to go!"

"I'm so pleased that you tried and weren't afraid of making

a mistake! –You're awesome!"

Most importantly, model the type of behavior that you want your child to exhibit. If you want them to have a positive mindset and belief in their abilities so that they do feel confident, then you must display this type of behavior also. This is one of the most effective ways to develop the skills needed.

_Anxiety can be minimized and even avoided when children are given the strategies to cope; and with consistent support from you as their parent or and carer, you can make all the difference._

#  Chapter 13 - Developing Independence - How Much Is Enough?

When your children are young they will require you to look after their every need. Sometimes it's difficult for parents to sit back and watch their children develop their independence. They will make mistakes, we all do, but that is how we learn and grow.

It really is a balancing act, finding the right combination of freedom and stepping in when needed.

Here are some suggestions for leading your child towards an independent life:

Allow them to make some choices. You don't want your child to make all the decisions; please don't fall into that trap! But you need to give them opportunities to choose and develop independence.

They could choose some of their own meals, pick family activities, choose their own toys and interests or dress themselves (you just need to make sure their clothes are appropriate).

The better developed their social skills are the more effectively they will be able to communicate. Poor communication skills can hold a child back. Children need to be able to share, make and keep friends and use good manners. All of these skills will help them when they don't have your support at hand.

Don't do everything for your children. They need to learn how to look after themselves. By making mistakes and trying new things they learn how to solve problems and gain more confidence in their own abilities. Children who are encouraged to be independent actually rate slightly higher on the IQ scales because they have developed thinking and problems solving skills. Make sure that you're there for them emotionally and that you trust them to figure some things out by themselves.

Children who attend day care often have opportunities to gain independence by playing with other children. If you're a stay at home mum, it's a good idea to join a playgroup to give your child opportunities to interact, play with other children and solve problems.

If your child becomes involved in an argument over a toy, step in momentarily and reinforce the concept of sharing, then move away and see if they can solve the problem.

Whenever your child shows good social skills, don't forget to praise them for their behavior. Afterwards talk about how they handled a situation and tell them what they did that was good.

Older children require a different set of parenting skills. During their teens they will have to make a number of tough decisions. You just have to hope that they make the right ones. Keep the lines of communication open. As they grow up make sure you have the tough conversations with them and let them know that they have your love and support.

# Chapter 14 - How to Encourage Honesty in your Child

Those miniature skateboards were a huge craze at school and all the kids seemed to have them. Connor's mum had bought him one as well, just a few days earlier. But the fluoro orange one that he saw in the shop that day was so cool! There it sat, on the shelf in plain view and it was so easy just to pick it up and put it in his pocket. He couldn't wait to show his friends at school the next day, they'd be so jealous. He was thinking about how much fun he was going to have when suddenly he heard a strange voice, "Excuse me," the shopkeeper had said, "I think your son has taken something!" The look of surprise on his mum's face was what upset Connor the most. And as he handed over the toy he'd stolen and listened to the lecture that the shopkeeper insisted on giving him, the embarrassment he felt was overwhelming.

Connor had never done anything like this before and of course he knew it was wrong, but it just seemed so easy that he couldn't resist. Although his mum was shocked and embarrassed herself she could see the effect this experience had had on her son. In the car on the way home, she calmly talked to him about what he'd done and it was her words that had the most impact. Thinking back on that day, he knows that the humiliation he felt really taught him a lesson, that and the way his mum had said that she was so disappointed in him. He really hadn't wanted to upset her and he certainly didn't want anything like that to happen again. Especially after she told him some stories about when she was a kid and what had happened to one of her friends when she was caught doing the same thing.

What he remembers most though, is the fact that she didn't even yell at him, she just spoke calmly and explained all the bad things that can happen to people who steal. He was so glad when she promised not to tell his dad. That would have been too much for him to bear. Of course he had to promise never to do it again though. "I think you've suffered enough," she had said, and he was so grateful to her for that. He knew he could trust his mum and he vowed that he'd never disappoint her like that again.

We all want our kids to grow up to be honest and responsible young adults, people whom we can rely on, trust in and be proud of. However, honesty is a value that we must instil from a young age and there are right and wrong ways to go about it.

It can be easy to make the mistake of confronting our kids and accusing them angrily and in a threatening manner when we feel that they've done something wrong and then expecting them to own up to it. When this is the case, it's no wonder that they feel the need to lie. This need comes simply from their fear. The fact of the matter in this situation is that they're scared to tell the truth.

To prevent this problem from developing, it's important that they feel safe and unafraid of your reaction. This way they can feel secure in being honest with you.

The important value of honesty can be encouraged by the following strategies. By implementing these on a consistent basis, you can teach your child that honesty is the best policy:

Tell Stories They Can Relate To

Share stories with your child right from the beginning that enforce and explain why honesty is the best way to deal with a problem.

'The Boy who Cried Wolf' is an old favourite and one children can relate to and remember. Remind your child of this story if and when they are dishonest.

Be sure to share stories of your own experiences as a child or those of family members, friends, etc that demonstrate the conseuqences of telling lies and not being honest.

Discuss what would have been the best solution to each problem to avoid the consequences that were a result of the lies.

Whenever your child is dishonest, discuss with them what they should have done instead and the importance of telling the truth. Decide together on a suitable consequence and what they'll do if the same thing ever happens again.

Discuss How Much You Value Honesty

From a very early age, it's important to share with your children the fact that you need to be able to rely on each other and to do that, it's necessary to be honest and tell the truth, regardless of how hard this is to do. Explain how important it is to you that the whole family is honest with each other and to be able to trust one another. Be sure to make them aware of the effects of breaking that trust and how devastated you would be if that trust is ever broken.

Be a Good Role Model

It's essential to model to your children the values that you want them to take on board. If you can't be honest with them or with other people, then there's no way that you can expect them to display honesty either. Childen copy what they see and if they witness you telling others the truth about your actions and also sharing the truth with them, they're more likely to reciprocate.

There may be times when sensitive issues arise that you wish to shelter your child from and if this is the case, it's best to keep these to yourself rather than make up stories. You must take into consideration your child's age and maturity level when sharing private details with them.

Also sometimes we all have to tell "white lies" to avoid hurting people's feelings. This is a hard concept for young children to understand. When it does happen, quietly explain why you told a "white lie". For example, you are invited to a party and for some reason you don't want to go and you make up an excuse or someone asks you

Focus on Praising Honesty Rather than Harsh Consequences

Encourage honesty from your child by praising them for owning up to their mistakes. If you're quick to punish and reprimand, then they'll certainly be very reluctant to admit the truth in future. This strategy will only encourage them to lie for fear of your reaction. If they can feel safe in telling you the facts, then they'll be more likely tobe honest. Of course, there should be consequences, which must depend on each individual incident, but always tell your child how much you appreciate, respect and value their honesty and really praise them for it. If they are honest and admit doing something wrong, make the consequence less severe than if they didn't admit their mistake or told a lie. Make sure you point this out, e.g. "Because you have admitted that you did this, your consequence is ... and it is good that you told the truth because if you hadn't then this would have happened."

Your child needs to be able to trust in you! There will be times when they make mistakes and will need someone to support and guide them, so that they can learn from their experience. By having faith that you'll be there for them with advice and guidance rather than criticism and retribution, you'll be able to develop a relationship of closeness and mutual trust where they'll always feel they can be honest.

It would be a terrible situation to have your child suffer dire consequences and end up in a dangerous or frightening situation simply because they were too afraid to tell you the truth. Imagine if they really needed your help and support and were too afraid to talk to you.

You as a parent can assist your child in developing the character traits and values of honesty and integrity, simply by being supportive and understanding. Stay consistent in your beliefs, but remember, no one is perfect and we all make mistakes.

#  Chapter 15 - How to Teach your Child the Value of Respect

One of the most important values that you can teach your child is respect. If you want a child to be proud of and who is going to be successful in life, then this is the first and foremost skill they need to learn. You, as a parent, have the most influence on your child's behavior and level of respect. If your child can't show respect at home, then they're unlikely to show it elsewhere.

Be a Good Role Model

Once again, the most effective method to teach respect is to demonstrate it yourself. Children always copy what they see and if they consistently witness you showing respect to them and to other people as well, then they're more likely to mimic this behavior. If a parent constantly yells, screams, shouts or swears at their kids or tends to use put downs and belittles or humiliates their child, then they're modelling absolute disrespect and there is no way they can expect to have respect given back to them.

While it's easy to lose control at times, and let's face it, we're all guilty of this, by reacting to their behavior by even worse behavior of our own, we're definitely not going to solve the problem or encourage respect from our kids.

We must consider their feelings. We certainly wouldn't like to be embarrassed, humiliated or constantly yelled at and our children don't appreciate this either. So be aware of how you speak and act, as the very best way to teach respect is to show it.

Begin Early

Start teaching your child how to be respectful from as early an age as possible. From the time they begin to understand what you're saying, they should be taught respect. In fact, one of the first words they can be taught, after mum/mom and dad of course, is please and thank you (or a shortened version of these words). But respect involves much more than just good manners. Although good manners are essential and should always be used, there are many forms of behavior that show respect. Teaching respectful behavior from a young age is much easier than trying to teach a teenager, who has had few boundaries and not previously been held accountable.

Have High Expectations

If you expect your child to show respect and are consistent with your expectations, then this is the type of behavior that they'll demonstrate. As my own children were growing up, I was constantly reminding them of manners and respectful behavior. If I noticed that they weren't behaving or speaking respectfully, then I'd quietly remind them of what I did expect. Certainly, if they'd forgotten their manners, I would point this out immediately and not allow them to have what they wanted until they spoke accordingly. I'd do this in the privacy of our home as well as in public. It's important to be strong, firm and consistent but also respectful yourself when correcting your children's behavior.

Discuss Respect

If you see other children displaying respectful behavior, then point this out to your own kids and tell them how impressed you are and how happy it makes you feel. There were many times when I witnessed my children's friends being very polite, courteous or helpful or simply going out of their way to say hello to me when out in public and I'd always comment on this. It was a great opportunity to let my children know what great friends they had and how impressed I was with their manners and behavior. This was very effective as my kids then strived to do the same. My 16 year old daughter still takes delight in coming home to tell me that she's gone out of her way to say hello and take time to talk to a friend's parent or a familiar adult who she has seen while out and about.

I know how much this impresses me when I see teenagers and kids modeling this type of behavior and it certainly makes me feel proud to receive comments from teachers and other parents about how well mannered and courteous my own children are. It's something my husband and I have always worked on and it's certainly paid off as our kids have really become young people who we can be proud of.

On the other hand of course, if your child or other kids are being disrespectful, be certain to discuss how upsetting and disappointing this is. Children really don't want to upset their parents and would much prefer to make them proud rather than disappointed. By discussing the behavior with them, they can learn from the experience and brainstorm more appropriate ways to behave. Be sure though, that you're firm and consistent if your child is disrespectful and let them know that it simply will not be tolerated.

Use Lots of Praise

Always be sure to acknowledge and praise your child when you see or hear them displaying respectful behavior, using respectful language and making respectful choices and decisions. A positive comment from you can be all that's needed to encourage them to continue being respectful. This tactic works wonders as children respond so well to praise. Whenever I witnessed my own kids displaying respectful behaviors such as using good manners, looking at others when speaking or being spoken to, offering to help in any way or taking the time to show interest in an adult conversation (when I knew all they really wanted to do was go and play), I'd always comment on this afterwards and praise them highly telling them how proud I felt. And guess what? Their respectful behavior is now ingrained and automatic.

Be Consistent

You certainly shouldn't tolerate disrespect and if your kids are being rude or breaking rules, there must be consequences. Constantly arguing or continually reminding them to behave appropriately is ineffective and the behavior will simply continue. Offer a warning first and if the behavior persists then a consequence should be put in place.

Just recently, I witnessed a parent whose child was yelling abuse at her, respond with the following..."I told you not to be rude! That's not nice, please stop that! If you say that again, look out! I told you to stop!" And the behavior continued until the parent was forced to leave the store. Embarrassing altercations such as this should never occur but without consequences and consistency, kids simply don't know where the boundaries are and will regularly misbehave.

Disrespectful behavior must be dealt with calmly and by explaining that it's rude and inappropriate. Take your child aside and tell them how upsetting their behavior is and how it makes you feel when they act in this way. Explain that your family doesn't behave like that and ask them how they would feel to be treated in that manner. Then brainstorm a suitable consequence and follow through. If you're consistent with this, your child will learn the rules and only one warning should be sufficient in future to remind them that you mean what you say.

If you want more information on how to modify your child's behavior, we have another book called 'How To Improve Your Child's Behavior Today'. You can find it by typing in the title or Karen Campbell and Katrina Kahler. It is a must read for parents who want well-behaved children.

Show Understanding

We all have the tendency to overreact at times and this may simply be the result of irregular moods, feeling tired or stressed or just simply having had a bad day. All of these feelings are unavoidable at times and kids are no exception. They too suffer stress from external events and can be very prone to mood swings and frustration, especially as they're growing up, with the teenage years and hormonal changes contributing drastically.

These feelings can often cause outbursts from our kids, which can be seen as rude and disrespectful. While this should by no means be condoned as acceptable behavior, it's important that you're an understanding parent who realizes that there's probably a cause for the outbursts of disrespect. Being an active listener in these situations can really help. By responding with comments such as, "You're really upset about that!" or "I can see how frustrated you're feeling!" can really help. Responses such as these will allow your child to see that you're actually listening to them rather than simply judging or reacting to their behavior. This is almost guaranteed to encourage them to open up and tell you what's really troubling them. Often they just need someone to talk to or to take their feelings of stress or frustration out on. And usually it's the people with whom they have the most secure relationship who bear the brunt of their anger and aggression. Being an active listener and observant of the true feelings hidden behind their outbursts, will show that you understand and assist in avoiding arguments and further disrespect.

This is something that we deal with regularly in our teenage daughter at the moment. There are many outbursts that we could handle by yelling back, sending her to her room or depriving her of privileges, but by diffusing the situation with active listening techniques and letting her know that her opinions and what she has to say is important to us, we're able to earn her respect which in turn she gives back to us tenfold. Both our teenage kids have time for us, are helpful, caring and considerate and are very keen for us to be a part of their busy lives and we believe that we've earned their love and respect by being parents who respect them.

Teaching the value of respect doesn't happen overnight. It takes time, patience and effort along with the ability to be a good role model. Are you willing to do as you preach? If the result is a respectful child who everyone admires and someone you can be proud of, then it's definitely worth the effort, don't you think?

#  Chapter 16 - How to Help your Child be More Assertive

Lexie couldn't wait for the school Sports Carnival. It was the absolute highlight of the school year. She was so good at sport and she was already picturing the ribbons that she'd soon be adding to the collection hanging on her bedroom wall. "Maybe I'll even get a trophy this year," she had thought. "It would be so cool to be age champion!"

"First place goes to Lexie Harris!" the announcer called for the fourth time that day. Lexie was so excited. She only had to win one more event and that trophy would be hers. The long jump pit loomed ahead of her. She had come 2nd the previous year, she remembered. Brie Jackson had beaten her by the smallest amount and gone on to win the age champion trophy just like she did every year. But this time, Lexie was determined that it was her turn.

There were so many girls in her age group for this event and it took forever for the teacher to complete the elimination rounds. But then to her horror, she along with several others was suddenly being told, "Good effort, girls, but you didn't quite make it, go and sit down in the shade and you can watch the finals." Lexie couldn't understand, she'd only been given one practice trial before the teacher had sent her away, and she knew that she hadn't even had time to warm up yet, let alone do a good jump. "Everyone else was allowed two jumps," she complained to her friends. "It's not fair!"

Lexie knew that without another win, her chances of being age champion this year were zero. She went and sat down in the shade with the others to watch the final, too devastated to even care who won it. "What's wrong with you Lexie?" her best friend asked, when she sat down beside her to watch the last round. When Lexie's friend heard what had happened, she went and spoke to the teacher. "Oh my goodness, Lexie," the teacher had said. "Why didn't you tell me? Now you've missed out. You must learn to speak up!"

Lexie knew that she should have told the teacher earlier herself, but she'd been too embarrassed and shy to even consider doing something like that. It was just the same as when she'd missed out on being included in the class presentation the week before. All the other girls had quickly volunteered, but she'd felt too shy. And she could later see the great time they were having putting it all together. "They're always chosen to do fun things," she thought. "Maybe it's because they always put their hand up in class and the teacher can see how keen they are."

As Lexie walked home that day, she thought about the trophy she'd been so sure she would win. She just knew that if she'd been given a chance, she could have won the long jump this year and the trophy would have been hers. Maybe next year it'll be different, she hoped.

Lexie's parents listened to her story and decided that they needed to skill their daughter in assertiveness. She eventually grew up to be the captain of her high school. This never would have happened without some assertiveness training.

Being assertive is an essential skill to master if you have any hope of being given opportunities and achieving success. Shy, reserved people often have trouble with this and will regularly miss out because they' simply don't have the confidence to speak up.

Now, being assertive doesn't mean you have to be over confident and outspoken. This type of person is often rejected by their peers, simply because they just aren't nice to be around. And that's not the type of behavior we want to promote or encourage in our children. Rather, by encouraging them to be quietly confident and assertive when necessary will take them a long way in life. As well as being respected by others, they'll be able to make the most of any opportunity that comes their way and take full advantage, so that they do have every chance of success.

There are many ways that you can help your child to develop these skills and as always, the best and most effective method is to model it.

By demonstrating assertive behavior in front of your children, you are teaching them the benefits of your actions as well as how to go about being assertive themselves.

I remember many occasions where I missed out on opportunities when growing up, simply because I was too shy to speak up and I was never given guidance or help with how to overcome this. I recall my mother constantly saying, "She's shy," to explain my behavior. In essence, all she succeeded in doing was to reinforce the fact that I was shy and make me believe it even more. This did absolutely nothing to build my self-confidence or my ability to be assertive. In fact, all it did was make me even more self conscious and embarrassed as she just drew further attention towards my inability to 'speak up.'

Another very effective method that you can use is to role-play assertiveness at home. You can act out scenarios with your child where you demonstrate being assertive and they're the person who you're talking to or dealing with. You can then reverse roles and allow your child to practice being the assertive one. An example of this may be to role play a situation at school where your child would like to join in with other kids who are playing together, but is too shy to ask. This might all seem very simple to you, but to kids who lack these skills, it can actually be extremely difficult and uncomfortable. And believe me, it doesn't get any easier as you get older!

Be sure to also provide your child with opportunities to practice these skills in public as well. Encourage them to be the ones to ask for assistance in a shop or to purchase items on their own. I recall my own daughter being terrified to go into a shop and buy some milk on her own and she would never speak up if there was a problem with friends. She would always be the "nice" one, the one who was happy to do whatever everyone else wanted to do. She'd be too shy to speak with other adults on the phone and would never speak up in public to say what it was that she preferred. While being considered very easy going and never a problem to have around, what was actually happening was that she was constantly missing out on what she wanted to do, or say, or have. This was simply because she was shy and too afraid to upset others or worried about hurting their feelings by disagreeing with what they had to say.

Through our encouragement she's managed to master this skill over the years. Certainly the situations and activities that she's been involved in have definitely helped as well. Being part of sporting teams, dance, drama, art or music classes all play a very big part in developing a child's self confidence. And remember, just having one main interest and the chance to be a part of it, can make all the difference. Activities such as these, along with the praise we've given her along the way for 'having a go' have all been major contributors to the type of person she's become. It's taken time and patience but the result has certainly been worth the effort. She is now a modest but very confident young adult who goes for what she wants, while still being a 'nice person' and considering the feelings of others. The opportunities that she's been able to take advantage of through being assertive are too numerous to mention but it's obvious to us, that she'll now only go from strength to strength and achieve success in all areas of her life.

All children deserve this opportunity, don't you think? After all, we all want our kids to experience success, don't we?

#  Chapter 17 - The Importance Of Goal Setting And How to Teach It To Your Child

Developing the habit of goal setting is a primary key to success at school and in life in general. By learning to develop these skills at a young age, your child's chance of success will improve dramatically. We've seen firsthand, the motivation and commitment that is evident in our students after setting goals for themselves. Whereas, the ones who are unfamiliar with this or don't even attempt it are much less motivated to achieve.

The secret is for your child to begin by setting short-term goals that are realistic and possible. This way, they're likely to be successful and this in turn will motivate them to set further goals while having belief in their ability to achieve them. Once their confidence develops, they'll feel comfortable in setting bigger more long-term goals.

The following are a list of strategies that your child can use to develop their skills and help lead them to success:

Set realistic short-term goals.

Make a list of the action steps needed to reach your goal.

Work hard and apply effort. Don't give up! Even if you fail at first, just keep trying.

Have belief in yourself! If you really believe you can do it, you're likely to succeed.

Keep a checklist of your progress and tick off each step as it's completed or mastered. (This is very self-satisfying).

When you reach your goal, feel proud of your success, reward yourself and celebrate!

As a parent or carer, you can play a crucial role in helping your child to be successful with this skill. Supporting them when deciding on goals to set and encouraging them to use the strategies we've listed will really help. Also, be sure to offer constant positive reinforcement and praise for their efforts as this will motivate and inspire them to persevere. If their goal isn't achieved in the time they've set, support them in persisting and persevering. Your support and praise is critical to their chance of success. Also, be sure to celebrate, because reaching a goal is certainly worthy of celebration.

Along with this, be a good role model! We can't emphasize enough the importance of your good example. We've mentioned this constantly throughout this book but it's an essential element and you really must do as you preach. If your child sees you giving up on your goals after minimal effort is applied, simply because it's just too hard, you can't be bothered or you've changed your mind, then what sort of example are you setting? If you want your child to be a success, show them what's possible.

We all know that success has to be worked at and setting goals helps to create the drive and persistence that's often needed. And the feelings of pride along with the benefits and rewards that follow are worth their weight in gold.

Using Positive Self-Talk to Conquer any Goal

Do you feel like your children are always talking themselves out of success? As soon as they start to set goals for themselves, do they suddenly have nagging thoughts about how they aren't up to the task or how they simply aren't talented enough to carry it through?

If they've ever experienced either situation, they need to change the way they respond to their inner dialogue. Instead of obeying these negative commands, they can use positive self-talk to counter the negativity and overcome nearly all their anxious thoughts.

Are they initially filled with excitement when they first set goals for themselves? Are these thoughts then followed by self-doubt and self-defeating thoughts that stop them in their tracks before they even get started?

It can be difficult to make the most of life when your child is constantly talking themselves out of being a success. It can be frustrating and discouraging to have these thoughts constantly plaguing them. Many of us, in fact, don't even realize we have them! All we know is that we don't have the confidence to stick to our plans and reach our goals.

But once again, you can help your child by modeling and teaching positive self-talk. This is such an effective way to set goals and ensure that your child sticks to them, even if they've never been able to do this before. The way this works is to decide what goal is important t to them and then plan the logistics of how they're going to attain this goal. Your advice and guidance at this stage will really help. If self-doubt kicks in, teach them to respond with positive affirmations and inner self-talk that highlights their success and abilities.

Reprogramming the Mind

Negative thought patterns and negative self-talk can be so ingrained that they come automatically and in this case it's essential to reprogram the mind so that it's producing positive ones.

An effective way to do this is to use affirmations which are essentially positive statements that re-program one's mind for the positive. Your child can use these the moment they have a self-–defeating thought. This way they can counter the negative thought with a motivating and positive one. Some examples of positive affirmations are: "I deserve success," "I am successful," "I can do this," "I have achieved my goal." What this does is replaces the negative thoughts with ones that will help them to move toward their goals instead of further away from them.

This skill is easier to apply than you might think. Your child may not be aware of the consequences of the negative talk and chatter that's currently going on in their minds. However, once they start using positive self-talk, they'll suddenly realize that the negative talk self-sabotages the goals they've set from the very minute they make them. This process can open their eyes to exactly how much this inner conversation has been affecting their life and their chances of success. The positive inner dialogue will help them to believe that they can achieve their goals.

This method will help them to easily set long and short-term goals for themselves and when they use affirmations, they'll have the tools they need to push themselves further than ever before. Learning and training the mind to quiet the negative dialogue and replace it with positive thoughts is a great move toward setting and achieving goals easily.

Sports psychologists use this technique to help athletes achieve their full potential. High-level athletes constantly face adversity and obstacles including physical pain and exhaustion, terrible conditions and fierce competition. The only way that they can reach their full potential and achieve their goals is to have powerful self-belief and the determination to persevere. Positive self-talk is a tool that they use constantly so that they can achieve their best.

This skill can take practice and patience but eventually it can become second nature. The following are some strategies that you can use to make positive self talk second nature in your household.

Encourage your child to verbalize positive self-talk from a young age.

Demonstrate how to do this yourself and as they become older, it will seem perfectly natural to talk about themselves and their goals in a positive manner.

If they do something well, tell them to give themselves credit for it.

Model how to do this in front of your child.

Tell them to be kind to themselves if they do make a mistake. Remind them that we all make mistakes. Teach them to learn from these and to move on.

Always remember that you're the most important model in your child's life.

If you display negative self-talk, what type of lesson are you teaching your child?

If you aren't particularly good at positive self-talk, then it's time to practice and change your words. Don't talk about being overweight, ugly or dumb...because your children are listening and learning.

They also need to accept that they themselves are awesome, wonderful, clever or a nice person. If you keep telling them this, they'll eventually believe you and start telling themselves the same thing.

It's amazing how we can train our minds if we really want to. We all know the benefits of a positive mindset and I know what type of life I want for myself and my family. Do you?

#  Chapter 18 - The Importance of Organizational Skills

We are all guilty of being late at some point, of not being organized and of not having jobs done. While this is inevitable in the busy lives that we all lead, it can certainly lead to strong feelings of overwhelm, anxiety and stress. If the whole family can develop good organizational skills, it will make life so much easier for everyone.

By learning organizational skills from a young age, your child will have a much better chance of achieving their goals and in being successful in their endeavours.

Time management and organizational skills are essential for being able to use time wisely and having these skills can be a huge asset, at home, at school or university and in the workforce. By helping your child to develop these skills, you're setting them up for much more success in life.

There are strategies they can learn so they're able to use their time wisely, be more organized, get more work done and have more free time to enjoy being a kid. It all takes training and with your support and guidance, they can learn the skills they'll need throughout school and in life in general as they get older.

One area that kids often need help with is homework and this is an area where they can really learn about and benefit from organizational skills. Having these skills will save your child and even the whole family from a great deal of stress. If they lack these skills however, then they're fighting a losing battle when it comes to completing tasks on time and to the best of their ability.

Assist your child by helping them to implement the following strategies on a regular basis:

Prepare for school the night before rather than leaving everything until the morning.

Write weekly lists detailing important tasks that need to be completed.

Add homework tasks first and then add jobs, outings, events etc.

Decide on a suitable time frame to complete each task.

Allocate enough time each day to get everything done.

Prioritize – do the most important tasks first.

Check through assignments for any help that may be needed rather than leaving it until the last minute.

Allow a suitable time each day or week to get any necessary help from family members.

Allow time to speak with the teacher to explain more difficult concepts.

Break difficult tasks into smaller chunks and complete them a little at a time.

Every time an activity or assignment is completed, check it off on your weekly list, so you can feel good about what you've already completed and clearly see what's left to do.

Keep a diary or notebook with homework projects and assignments listed along with their due dates.

Plan a weekly or monthly calendar with the due date for each activity or project clearly marked, along with all extracurricular activities such as sport, dance, music lessons, parties and outings etc.

Be prepared for school each day – pack homework tasks in bags the night before so they aren't forgotten.

Plan for camps, field trips and excursions in advance to ensure that everything that's needed is available. Have a checklist of items needed and mark off each one as they're packed.

Set weekly or monthly goals to be more organized and aim to have everything completed by the due date.

Feel pride in your achievements and be rewarded for your efforts.

Positive feedback and ongoing guidance and support from you is essential to motivate your child to develop organizational skills so they can become more organized and use their time wisely. Children respond so well to praise and rewards and this will really help to motivate them to develop these skills and habits for future success.

Remember once again, to be a positive role model and lead by example. Why not create a "to do list" for yourself or for the whole family. This is a great way for the whole family to become more organized together!

#  Chapter 19 - What's More Important - Pride or Humility?

When focusing on the need for good self-esteem in our kids, which is a very important character trait, the value of humility is often overlooked. Being humble is a life skill that endears a person to others. We all know those kids (and adults) who constantly brag. Brag, brag, brag, brag!! And be honest, would you really want that type of person as a partner or a friend?

I'm guessing your answer is no, which I think would be the answer that most kind, caring and considerate people would have. And it's one of the reasons why teaching our kids humility is just as important as building their self-esteem.

All parents are proud of their children and we're all guilty of bragging about them at one time or another. Regardless of how proud we are of our kids, however, we need to teach them that being humble and thinking of other people as highly as we do ourselves is actually one of the best traits they could possibly have. Did you realise that humility is a very common character trait amongst many great leaders? St Augustine once said, " _"Do you wish to rise? Begin by descending. You plan a tower that will pierce the clouds? Lay first the foundation of humility."_

As well as developing courteous, caring habits about others, listening to and considering the needs of others and just generally being an all round modest type of person, being humble makes people willing to learn. It enables them to accept help and advice, which in turn allows them to progress at school or work and in a huge variety of personal endeavors.

_So, how do you best go about teaching your kids this valuable lesson? The following advice and suggestions will really help..._

_Yes, you've heard it before...Lead by example!!_

_If you're humble, then your kids are much more likely to be as well. Ensure that you're consistent with this, but also point out that being humble doesn't mean letting other people take advantage of you._

_Develop their self-confidence_

_Being genuinely humble begins with feeling confident and belief in one's own abilities. By accepting your children and giving them the self-assurance they need to feel secure and confident, they won't feel the need to brag._

_Encourage them to achieve to the best of their ability_

_By achieving their potential, your child will have something to be proud of – this actually helps to develop humility._

_Explain what really matters_

_Help your child to understand that their real value comes from the type of person they are rather than what they own or because they've beaten someone in a race. Teach them also, that people who are less fortunate than them must still be valued and respected._

_Never humiliate them_

_Don't attempt to teach humility through humiliation – this doesn't work!_

_Encourage them to help you and to help others_

_Household chores should be shared amongst the whole family. No one should feel that they're too good and can be exempt from helping out. Encourage your kids to help when at friends' and relatives' houses as well as offering help to those in need when out and about e.g. frail or old people or anyone who looks like they need a helping hand._

_Give credit where it's due_

_Praise others for their performance and contribution._

_Teach them to apologise_

_Many people struggle with saying sorry, but this is a key facet of humility. Kids need to learn from a young age how to acknowledge when they're wrong or have made a mistake and apologize for it._

_Teach your child to say 'thanks'_

_Being grateful is the basis of humility._

_When offered a compliment, teach your child to humbly accept it and say 'thank you.' Also, teach them to be grateful for all that they have. Gratitude is a gift that keeps on giving._

_Being humble does not mean that they are meek, mild or weak, but rather, quite the opposite. Humility can only come from people who have something that they could brag about but about which they choose to be humble._

_What a wonderful trait to develop and to be proud of! And remember as a parent or carer, you have a crucial part to play in developing this wonderful value in your child. Be consistent in your teaching and role modelling and offer lots and lots of praise when your child does display humility. This will work absolute wonders in helping them to develop it further._

_A Final Story:_

_"_ _Well, I'm not going to give up now!" Molly exclaimed. "Yes, but the final application date is over," replied her friend Kate. "They're not taking any more applicants." "It's worth a try," said Molly. I've been dreaming about this job since I was in grade 6 at school and here's my opportunity. I can't just let it pass by!" Molly had been focusing on this career her entire life, it seemed to her. But then she had only just finished university; Kate kept reminding her that jobs in that industry were so competitive. But Molly had never had any doubt that she would succeed. She knew that she would be a huge success. She'd always been determined to have her dream career and nothing was going to prevent that from happening._

_"_ _I just know that this is the opportunity I've been waiting for," she thought to herself as she read the ad in the paper once more. The fact that the newspaper was actually 2 weeks old didn't deter her at all. It had happened to be sitting on a pile of magazines at her grandmother's when she'd dropped in for a visit and for some reason; she had decided to flick through it._

_Molly never gave up easily. After all, that was how she'd managed to have so many amazing opportunities come to her already in her young life. "Perseverance!' she remembered her grade 6 teacher telling her. "Persistence, perseverance and a positive mindset - that's the key to success," she had said. "And of course, you have to believe in yourself." This was the way she'd led her life ever since and it was amazing how many great things had happened to come her way. "It's almost like magic," Kate had said to her several times over. But Molly knew better. She knew that it was her own doing that had created all the magic in her life. Just the way that she was absolutely convinced this dream job would be hers. She had no doubt whatsoever that her life would work out the way she wanted it to and she couldn't wait. There were so many exciting things she was yet to do and she knew it would all come about, because that's what happens when you know the secret to success. She was so eternally grateful to Mrs Johnson back in grade 6 for teaching her what really mattered. If only Mrs Johnson could see her now. She'd be so proud!_
_Conclusion_

_We hope that you've enjoyed this book and that you do find our suggestions helpful in leading your child to success in life. The stories we've are all true, that we've witnessed firsthand both in the classroom and in the lives of our own children and families. We know that these strategies work, because we've used them on a daily basis and the result has been totally inspirational._

_We've worked with children who were negative, had poor self-esteem and no belief in their abilities, kids who constantly struggled with school work, had low self confidence and friendship problems. But by implementing the strategies that we've suggested here, those kids transformed into positive and happy young people who developed a belief in themselves that they didn't have before. And this on so many occasions, led to not only academic success but success in so many other areas of their lives as well, all through the mindset that they had adopted. Our own children have done exactly the same thing and inspire us daily with their thoughts, actions and unwavering belief._

_We wish you well on your journey through parenthood and know that with your support and their own positive mindset, your children have a lifetime of wonderful experiences ahead of them._

_If you've enjoyed this book, please visit our website_ http://www.howtohelpchildren.com _because we have loads of really useful videos and practical information in a variety of areas that is so easy for you and your child to access and benefit from. Please tell your friends as well because our aim is to help as many parents and children as possible._

Also look out for the other books in our series, we have so much great information to share with you and we know that you and your child will really benefit. (Please scroll to the end of this book to view our list of available books).

All the best

Karen and Katrina

Authors, Speakers, Educational and Parenting Experts

Copyright © KC Global Enterprises Pty Ltd 2014

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