- [OP] My friend discovered
my girlfriend's profile
on a dating site
with the specific goal of marriage.
The bio seems to be written by her.
I recognize her style of writing.
And it has all her interests
and she is active on it daily.
We've been together for three years.
How do I confront her about this?
(beeping)
- [Man] Dude, just be
straight up with her.
Show the profile to her,
and ask, "What the hell is this crap?"
(beeping)
Be upfront and honest.
Ask her, "Hey, do you
have a Tinder profile?"
If she responds with a no,
then say, "Well, my friend discovered
"your profile on Tinder,
"And I was just wondering if
that was actually you or not."
If it really is her profile,
then you need to leave her.
Who knows how many hookups she had
while you guys were together.
It doesn't matter if you were
with her for three years,
or five years, 10 years.
It doesn't matter.
What matters is your happiness.
You'll definitely be happier
in a new relationship
with someone who doesn't
make Tinder profiles.
(beeping)
It's worth going into the
conversation assuming the best.
People, for whatever reason,
impersonate other people on dating sites.
I've never used one in my life,
but when a friend introduced
me to her new girlfriend,
she looked at me like I was
from space and went very pale.
It turned out that apparently
someone had made a Tinder profile for me
and been rather active on it.
I still have no idea who
would have done that.
And to be honest,
I didn't want to dig too much further.
Frame it as a concern,
"My friend found this
"and I'm really worried
"that someone might be impersonating you.
Then, watch her reaction very closely.
(beeping)
This is a good answer.
As damning as things look right now,
and that's pretty damning,
there's a non-zero
chance that it's not her.
If it is her, then yeah, goodbye.
But giving her a chance to talk
about it is the right move,
as long as you're willing to
take the appropriate actions,
if she confirms it.
(beeping)
Why would you even want
to continue with her?
She's obviously looking for an upgrade.
(beeping)
Just dump her.
What could she possibly say
that would make you wanna
stay in a relationship
with a liar and a cheat?
(beeping)
Is there a way you can confirm
this is your girlfriend?
You should be 100% sure
before confronting her.
You could show it to her
with a, "Look at this profile
X found this dating site.
"It reminded me of you.
"How funny is that?"
And then, check her reaction.
(beeping)
Definitely 100% make sure it's her.
You would be surprised
at the level of pettiness
some people will go just to
ruin someone's relationship.
I had something like this happen to me,
and it was absolutely bat shit crazy.
(beeping)
Just ask her to be honest.
Sit down and have a conversation
about why she was even on the site.
Don't blame her or guilt her in any way.
Try to understand why she felt the need
to seek validation that way,
if that makes sense.
(beeping)
Validation?
You don't use dating
apps to seek validation.
You use them to find an upgrade
from your current relationship.
(beeping)
- [Woman] Had something
similar happen to me,
and made the mistake of simply
attacking my ex boyfriend
and guilting him.
If you want the relationship to last,
you gotta approach it with empathy.
However, honestly would
not recommend staying
if she doesn't feel comfortable enough
to tell you, OP, that she's unhappy.
(beeping)
- [Man] 100% ask her straight up about it.
And honestly, don't fall for,
"I was looking for friends."
Nope, ain't gonna cut it.
I'm sure her Facebook
has more than 100 friends
of which probably 25 live close.
So, friends, screw that.
(beeping)
Damn, that's tough, man.
Definitely have to be
straight up with this one.
No sugarcoat and don't
accept any bullshit excuses.
(beeping)
Show the profile to her
and ask, "What is it?"
Is there a chance it's an
old and inactive profile
from before you got together?
(beeping)
If you know for a fact she was online,
you don't need the evidence.
She'll either be honest or not.
This will tell OP
everything he needs to know.
(beeping)
If you really care about
her and want a future, ask.
These apps are sincerely misleading.
I've had my photos stolen
and used by random people
to set up spam accounts.
Tinder also doesn't
actually delete profiles
right away, or always.
They do it to keep their
user numbers competitive
against other apps.
She may be deceiving you,
but there's also dumb
reasons this technology is,
and it's worth the conversation,
if you want to keep going with her.
(beeping)
Don't.
Ghost her and end the relationship.
All these people telling you
to confront her are weaklings.
Why bother?
You know the answer.
(beeping)
- [Poster] You are wrong on many levels.
It's not about being petty.
Although there's nothing
wrong at being petty.
It's about not letting her
twist the narrative against him
and ending things quickly and
without any additional drama.
If he does it right,
then, he can end the romance
in less than 10 minutes,
and he can do so while recording
everything on a cellphone,
thus, she would not be
able to twist the narrative
to his group of friends and family.
Choosing the place to end things
and ending on his own accord
is a way to control the narrative,
and thus, having fewer chances
of a disloyal girlfriend
screwing him in the future.
Also means he will collect
evidence of her disloyal behavior
to send to her parents if need be.
It's not about being petty,
it's about being smart.
(beeping)
- [Man] Why would he need to
send anything to her parents?
That is just stupid, LOL.
Relationship is between the two.
If they break it off,
then they break it off.
(beeping)
You are being naive.
A relationship is rarely only two people.
Family comes as bonuses
and friends are added, too.
Have you never seen any example
where one of the partners
twisted the narrative
and thus creating problems to the other?
I would like to live on your planet.
Can you send me tickets?
(beeping)
Just dump her, to be honest.
Sit down and have a conversation
about why she is not going
to be part of your life again
for wrecking the relationship.
Don't bother trying to understand
why she felt the need to cheat that way.
I fixed that for you.
(beeping)
Listen, here's my two cents.
If your friend is bringing
you some information
about your significant other,
don't blow it off, investigate it.
Initially, you might be angry,
but try to control your temper and think.
A lot of times with something like this,
we make hasty decisions without thinking.
Now, with me, I would
just flat out ask her,
but with profile in hand,
before I would even confront her.
Being that a dating app
is causing the issue,
you want to make sure you have
had a chance to gather proof,
including your thoughts,
before moving forward.
I'm going to tell you just
by reading this story,
it doesn't look good for her.
Why I say that?
If the profile is very detailed,
that might be an alarm,
bad for the boyfriend.
If it has no details
and just a photo of her,
it might be suspicious.
That's why I said investigate.
(beeping)
A lot of responses
were calling for the
original poster to dump her.
That may be the answer,
but he should gather the information
before ending the relationship.
You already heard a young lady
saying that she did the
same thing to her boyfriend,
and it turned out that she was wrong.
If he confronts her and it does
turn out to be her profile,
then, the only logical move
is to end the relationship.
(beeping)
