And it became a lot easier when I stopped
thinking about acting, and I started
feeling as Emma would.
I came to find that the Lord is more than
willing to offer us
glimpses of other people's lives if we ask him.
This next story is from a woman named Lindsay Harper.
I actually didn't meet her until the day of
the interview.
Amber had told me about her story and knew
Lindsay, so Amber set up the interview and
we went and heard some of Lindsay's story.
My name is Lindsay Harper.
The week I was planning on turning in my mission
papers I was asked to play Emma Smith
in 'Joseph Smith: Plates of Gold.'
I remember a very distinct feeling.
"Lindsay you're not supposed to serve a mission."
And I was devastated.
I had prepared for so long.
As silly as this is I was really worried that
people would judge me.
It was a small, independent film.
It was nothing like I was going to be an internationally
recognized movie star by any means.
But I just didn't want the people who knew
me to think, "She gave up a mission to try
and pursue attention, or fame, or recognition."
Because that wasn't true at all.
I gave up a mission because God told me to.
I think it was an experience where the Lord
really just wanted me to realize that
His time and His will is always better than ours.
As we were filming I knew that the birthing
scene in this film was coming up,
and I was terrified.
I mean, if my acting skills weren't subpar
enough, I thought, "Oh great.
Now here I am a single woman who's never given
birth."
People know that Emma gave birth to their
first child, Alvin, who died, but they don't
realize that Emma almost died as well.
Right before I started filming that scene
I took a chance to really have a deep heart-to-heart
with my Father in heaven.
And said, "God I have no idea what I'm doing.
And I could really use your help."
I asked that I'd be able to have just a taste
of what Emma felt.
I remember feeling this overwhelming, all
consuming deep sense of loss.
That I just couldn't shake.
I just sobbed all the way back to Provo.
It was probably an hour, hour and a half.
And I just cried all the way back.
And I remember feeling, "This is just a small
taste of what it feels like to lose a child."
Now take this small sliver that you felt and
add leaving your home because your parents
don't approve of your husband, realizing that
you may never see your family again, your
husband being murdered, remarrying a man who
cheats on you,
watching all the saints go West without you.
And I just remember having this—I don't
know it's hard to describe—this very deep
connection with Emma at that time.
As we kind of started to close up filming,
it was kind of like the windows of heaven
opened and God said, "You can go on your mission."
Went on a mission to Hong Kong, came back,
graduated, met Blake, got married, worked
at the Church history department for a little
while,
and then I just had our first child in December.
When that baby came it was like this feeling
of ultimate euphoria like, "I'm a mom!"
And then the baby blues set in.
Looking back now I think I had postpartum
depression, I don't know.
At the time I was living in a one bedroom
basement apartment, it was like 10 degrees
outside in the middle of winter, it was dark,
it was dreary.
I just wasn't myself.
You know, I wanted to be back at work.
I missed my friends.
That sounds very selfish, and I think that's
one of the reasons why I never said anything to
anyone—besides my husband of course.
I was so scared that if people found out that
I was struggling
that they'd think I was a bad mom.
But just having a small glimpse of Emma's
experiences was enough to make me realize
that we are not to judge.
And I realize now that I think I was given
a glimpse of that experience to be able to
empathize with others.
Human experience is powerful.
As we come to feel what others feel, we are
able to love, and welcome,
and heal as the Savior does.
I really love Lindsay's story and perspective,
and after what has been going on with me
it means even so much more now.
We had an emergency c-section.
I was 29 weeks along.
And the twins were born.
The pain medication wasn't working, and so
I was put out completely.
And Paul wasn't able to be in the room because
of that.
And so the babies were born without us really
being there, and Paul was able to see them
soon after, and I didn't see them for awhile
after.
Like hours and hours.
As I was laying on the table for the c-section
my arms were spread wide like a 'T,' and I
had this experience where I felt close to the Savior.
That all these things were being done to me
that I didn't necessarily want to have happen,
but that I wanted to sacrifice for these babies.
I was in shock for awhile afterward, but something
that did keep going through my mind was,
"Okay, well now I know.
Now I know how that feels.
Now I know what that's like for other people."
Connecting with Lindsay and her story, and
Emma and her story, I feel like as we share
these stories of womanhood with each other
that we become more connected and feel more strengthened.
Thanks for watching.
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