

Blatant Disregard

by Andre Knighton

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Published by Andre Knighton

at Smashwords

Copyright 2013 Andre Knighton

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Formatted by http://fictionworks.com

All rights reserved, including the right to reproduce this book or portions thereof in any form whatsoever. For information email andre-k@live.com. The characters and events portrayed in this book are fictitious. Any similarity to real persons, living or dead is coincidental and not intended by the author.

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Smashwords Edition, License Notes

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Author's note: Oscar was from Detroit, Mi. where he encountered hardships of life on Woodward Avenue at an early age before moving to Junction City, Ks. There he grew up no longer watching but participating in a life of ambition and passion that was demoralized, scrutinized yet often glamorized. His character is the narrator of direct and explicit tales of survival in the midst of travails and adversity. Conflict arises when he's confronted with a decision that leads him into another world of drugs, sex exploitation and murder. In order to survive, Oscar will learn to sacrifice or lose his own life.

Fannetta is his mother trying to overcome fears of returning to a place once called home. She hadn't returned in over eighteen years since taken away by Perry in an impulsive decision to leave Junction City. He's a discharged war veteran and headed to Detroit for a job. For Fannetta he's a one way ticket out of town. However she will still have to face her past and be forced back to a place and the man she ran from, Hank Watkins. His stature is menacing and his reputation exceeds itself. He's owner of the Blue Milk Café, known for prostitution and illegal drug activities instead of food and drinks. Red Watkins is introduced as the nephew of Hank, a partaker in the underground trade and cousin to Oscar. When their worlds collide the mix ignites, explodes and exposes a truth from their family tree.

Author's Acknowledgement: All my family and friends, I would like to thank you all for helping me understand individualism. Without it I would not have been able to complete this project. You all are true inspiration in your own individual way. Most importantly I would like to thank the Fatherhood of God and the Brotherhood of Man.

Family First

I went to my bedroom as the yelling grew louder. We just got back from seeing a double feature of Coming to America and Who Framed Roger Rabbit at West Side Drive-In. It wasn't much of a gift after hearing the fuss of how money was tight, yet it felt good to have my parents together minus the arguing. The night could have been perfect or at least close enough for me. I didn't ask for much because Cassie did enough asking for both of us, literally. She put herself before everyone and is delightfully selfish. I'm sixteen but Cassie thinks I don't know anything about life. She got me fucked up. I've been posted at Farmer Jack's grocery for three years now, hustling. I knew I had to get it myself.

"You need some help carrying your groceries?" I asked day in and out. I didn't care how much they gave me and I didn't turn down a penny. The money added up. Anyway, I can hear the frustration in my Dad's voice from downstairs. He needed money but as usual, Mom won't give it to him. I closed my door to muffle the noise but the storm was just beginning to brew. All the loud commotion wasn't abnormal in our house, just annoying. I had to hear it constantly while Cassie was able to come and go as she pleased I thought while lying on the bed.

"Listen, I can't keep repeating myself. Fannetta, I need some money!"

"No! That money is our savings which is all we've got right now Perry. You just got out of rehab two weeks ago and I gave you the last of the checks from your clients. Where'd those two thousand dollars go?"

It wasn't a big secret in the family or around town my Dad was a dope fiend. He once owned an investment consulting firm downtown but it didn't generate much business so he closed. Mom said it's because nobody would trust an addict. That's when she gave him a choice of a twelve-step program or divorce.

"Now Fannetta, I'm clean! That money went to pay past debts. You know I owed a lot of people. I just need more money without questions. Trust me, please!"

It would've surprised me if she gave it to him. Mom's attitude toward him changed while he was gone. She made a few extra dollars working two jobs until losing her weekend bank teller position at the bank. Mom worked there to pay for Cassie's first semester of junior college. Unfortunately, she didn't go to class but ran wild with her boyfriend Dee. Cassie would sneak him in regularly, having sex and I could clearly hear every moan and suck. She didn't care whether I was home or not.

Cassie's wardrobe was miniskirts, half button cleavage revealing tops and stilettos. Mom frequently called her a whore, unaware she really was one. Cassie found humor in answering to it. Actually, I knew for sure she was, but I couldn't judge. I lusted after her friends that came by over the years. Damn, their bodies were built to idol and I was a heathen ready to worship. Our house was turned inside out with Dad in rehab.

"Please, Perry, tell me. Why do you need more money? Have you gone off and gotten high on credit again?" Mom asked angrily.

He hesitated so she pressed him harder. I had to see this as I quietly crept downstairs walking by hearing intense cursing and yelling. Once in the kitchen I poured a glass of water then headed back into the living room and sat on the foot stool like everything is normal. I even cut the television on and began watching the news hoping it would distract them.

"I overspent and now a client wants their money back. If I never ask you for anything else in my life Fannetta, I need some money! I'm sorry for withdrawing the last two thousand dollars from the savings account but I'll put it back! I swear!"

"Lord, please don't let me have heard that." She prayed aloud tapping her foot while looking up at the ceiling then back to him in tears knowing the money was gone and Dad kept asking for more. He cautiously moved out of his seat and approached her. Mom was known to carry a weapon in her purse and Dad knew this as she clutched it firmly under her left armpit. He towered over her but she wasn't scared. I pretended not to hear their earsplitting conversation and watched television. They were about to fight, I knew it and should've stayed upstairs. I believe all parents argue at times, but mine were crazy.

At first the action was intense with Mom taking a good slap across the face causing her purse to drop then the wrestling began. She kicked her legs wildly but his weight was just too much. I chose to watch and not get involved as blows were rapidly exchanged. They both screamed for me to get the purse. It wasn't my fight and I wasn't about to side with either of them. Who would I grab it for? Next, I hear a noise then see Dad clenching his gut with blood on his shirt.

"Oscar, call me an ambulance please," he asked with a calm voice.

I will, is what I said in my mind but it didn't come out of my mouth nor did I move. I couldn't. He repeated himself once more yet I didn't move. Mom jumped to her feet, ran to the phone and called the police crying hysterically.

"My husband attacked me, now he's bleeding and needs an ambulance!"

She stated it in a matter of fact voice as Dad chuckled at her, while she glanced over at him fiercely.

"I hope you die."

Cassie just happens to come through the door. At that Moment to me, she was heaven sent.

"What the fuck?" She asked with a colorful choice of words. It may have been a week since we saw her but I sure did miss her. "Why is he bleeding, Mom?" She asked looking at Dad.

"Well your crazy Father attempted to attack me so I defended myself," she confessed openly. Cassie bent over him to inspect the wound. Her facial expression showed little concern as she stroked his curly hair compassionately.

"His ass will be alright. It's not the first time he's been shot," Mom said frankly.

I couldn't believe she was saying this. Maybe that time they spent apart was too long.

"Ok Momma what's going on?" Cassie asked.

"He just went nuts asking me for money and I think he wanted to get high. Then he told me my last earned dollar is no longer in the bank!"

Dad lifted his head up to Cassie with a smirk on his face.

"You know I'm going to get the money back baby," he grumbled.

"You better, right after you come from the hospital. How are you feeling?"

"I'm bleeding but breathing. I hear the sirens coming."

"Yeah, you won't die yet," Cassie spoke kindly. "Oscar, let's go upstairs and get something to clean up this mess. The police will be here and you might have to speak to them."

She was really acting like she cared about us. Mom stood by the window waiting for the ambulance while Dad lay wounded. It was our quietest moment in the house. I could hear the sirens and see the lights from the bathroom window. Cassie peered through the curtains then turned back to me.

"What were they arguing about, Oscar?"

I told her it was about money and how everything was perfect until we got back from the movies then all hell broke loose.

"It's your entire fault!" I shouted.

I knew Dad would do anything for her and asking for money was probably connected to her too.

"Listen little skinny, bird chest boy," she stated pointing her manicured finger in my face. "This has nothing to do with me."

She shoved me into the door then turned to admire her reflection in the mirror. Cassie's skin was smooth and bronze. Her hair was curly, similar to Dad's only a touch darker. She was beautiful and knew it.

"Why does Dad need to borrow money from Mom, Cassie? Every time he's asked her for money it was for you. So what's it now, you pregnant?"

I hoped it was true so I could really blame her. Our sibling rivalry worked better that way for me. It evened out our relationship, because she lived a life more interesting than my daily school routine.

"No." She hissed. "If I needed anything he'd be last on my list of names. Plus, it's not worth the hassle."

"Oscar! I need you down here, please," Mom shouted.

Now, that sounded like come down and don't be a smart ass type call. Cassie rubbed my back in support as I left out. The police were standing next to Mom. It was interrogation time and I still don't exactly recall happened. Dad was being carted out on a gurney as I hit the last step. The police officer led the way back into the living room. Dad's blood puddle was soaking into her twisted beige carpet and I knew that was pissing her off. Anyhow, I had to recap the whole night once more as Cassie came down the stairs. However my story wasn't complete because I didn't remember much after the slap. Either way, that was enough for the officer. They charged Dad with domestic assault and battery. Cassie stormed out while Mom smiled and nodded at me as if I did the right thing but I didn't do anything.

"Cassie! Come back in here!" Mom followed her back upstairs with me close behind then doors began to slam with shouts, shouts and more shouts.

"Momma you are just awful," she cried into her pillow. "Why do you treat us so mean? You don't care about any of us! In your eyes I'm a whore, Daddy's an addict and Oscar is a little piss pot!"

I laughed courageously at her correct characterization of us all. Yeah I pissed the bed, Daddy is an addict and she's a whore. Mom turned to me with a look of disgust as if I still smelled like piss before walking off slamming her door closed. I quietly went to my room with a thought of us being just a normal family that's louder than most on the block. That false belief got me to sleep that night.

The early morning sun peeked through my dusty white mini-blinds. I pulled the blanket over my head briefly hiding from the morning until Mom opened my door.

"Oscar Get up!"

I never got a regular 'good morning' I thought to myself throwing the blanket off my head to greet her with a smile.

"Morning Mom," I replied lazily. She attempted to smile but it failed her.

"Is it a good morning? I wish. Now get up. The weekend's over now it's onto school."

"What am I having for breakfast? Butter grits and toast again?" I griped.

Within seconds Mom comes dashing back into my room, robe flying open with a cigarette hanging from her mouth.

"Boy, get your ass down those stairs and eat some cereal. I don't have time for your shit today."

I stopped by Cassie's room to wake her but she was already up. I went down to the kitchen and just like I thought there wasn't a damn thing to eat.

"What the hell am I supposed to do with half a bowl of cereal and no milk?"

Mom entered the kitchen as I stood with my arms along my side, huffing and definitely hungry. I could have gotten groceries for the house with the money I saved but that wasn't my responsibility.

"Boy, you better use some of that pet-milk in the cabinet," she smirked.

"There isn't any. I already looked!"

"Well if you hurry, Cassie can take you by the Coney Island," she suggested.

Cassie stood by the front door prepared to leave until Mom stopped her.

"Please Mom, no more lectures. I've got to go."

The door opened but Mom quickly shut it.

"Listen whore. Take this damn number and address because you might need it one day when you don't have anybody or anyplace else to turn. I won't be here for you anymore," she stated firmly shoving the paper into Cassie's pocket.

"Thanks Mom," she replied sarcastically. Good luck Oscar!"

"Get a job whore!" Mom shouted and waved with a smile before closing the door.

"Do you need some money Mom?" I asked bluntly.

"Boy, don't get those full lips slapped flat and stay out my conversations. I ironed your clothes and they're on the couch. Get dressed and out of here for school, dammit."

One again I was a shoofly as she waved me off walking away cussing aloud. I didn't even bother to eat before leaving the house for school.

Our neighborhood wasn't crime ridden just yet however there had been a noticeable change. The eastside folks of Detroit began migrating west. A new unfamiliar crowd of faces and races seemed to have flooded our street bringing in a more diverse group of Blacks, Jews and Arabs. Some were middle class and others the working poor. Clairmont Street was off Six Mile road and comprised mainly of two-family flats, however we were lucky to have bought one of the few single family homes.

Dad didn't try too hard to keep our eyes hidden from the street life. It was hard to when you walk out the door and it hits you right in the face. Y.B.I.'s (Young Boys Inc.) was a gang that sold heroin in the abandoned house behind my bus stop. The gang controlled at least ninety percent of the heroin trade in the early eighties but their organization was hit hard in eighty-two with federal indictments. Since then Dee kept it going while continuously fighting with rival Seven Mile gangs for turf.

Crack-cocaine was also becoming the drug of choice over heroin because of the low cost and quick high. Heroin customers were getting harder to keep, causing an all-out street war for territory. It wasn't uncommon for bodies to be found in vacant lots by the tracks or in burned cars. My best friend since elementary school was killed last week in Palmer Park, caught up in the crossfire, so I always made an attempt to meet my girlfriend Pam in front of my house and we would walk to the bus stop together. She's lived next door since we moved there years ago. Our mothers went to Cooley High together so naturally our families were close and looked out for each other within a changing community. Pam was more close to me then my sister although she would occasionally hang with Cassie.

"Good morning Oscar," she said with her normal cheerful tone. "How's your father doing?"

After all the noise last night I expected that question.

"I'm not sure because he hasn't called."

"Well, my Mom said your mom tried to kill him and I know he is too handsome to die."

"Lucky for him Cassie came in at the right time," I replied nonchalantly.

At the same Moment the bus had come as we ended our conversation and got on.

Cassie

She entered the Henry Ford Hospital to visit Dad once his condition became stable. He may be an addict but, either way she wanted to help him get the money back and had a plan. The elevator reached the sixth floor as she headed to his room where he lay in bed with tubes in his arms.

"Hey you," he smiled quickly at her.

Dad never openly criticized her for her behavior. He always spoke to her respectfully and never hit her once. Cassie loved him for that. I'm sure he probably heard about her in the street yet still smiles at her like it isn't true.

"Hi Dad, how's the wound healing?"

"I'm getting better by the drop. I almost forgot how good it felt to get high."

Dad was in and out of nods obviously from his excessive self-administered pain tube of morphine. There was no better time.

"I've got a way to get Mom's money back and plenty more for us. All I have to do is get Dee out of the house then you can go in and rob him. I know where he keeps his dope and money."

It sounded conniving but that was her plan.

"You could walk right in and out without anybody seeing anything. It's a full proof plan, Daddy."

He sat up on his bed and nodded his head slightly with a slow blink of the eye.

"I'll do it. Just let me replace your mother's money and I get to keep the dope."

Cassie was a bit surprised when he agreed yet knew the sound of dope would bait him in even more.

"I'm going to write down the information and put it in your wallet. When do you get discharged?"

She should have asked him earlier because now he's nodded off. Cassie got up and kissed his cheek before leaving. It was time to entertain her boyfriend and she knows he's waiting.

By the time she arrived, Dee was sitting on the couch with a belt in his hand. Each night after Cassie came home he would inspect her for bruises before counting the money. He never came out on Woodward but always had someone watching her. Cassie only worked on the avenue and her money was always right. If she ever came back with any bruises he'd beat her with the belt saying she deserved it for letting a trick do his job. Our parents knew Dee before Cassie started dating him. I even remember him coming by our house a few times in the past and that's when Dad was getting high, real tough. His business wasn't thriving like it could have but he was making money. However all the money entrusted to him was spent on heroin. He basically lied and stole from his clients. Dee made good off it all and that was good business for him. Cassie was along for the ride and he made her life so much easier until the day he asked her to start whoring. It was an off the chart question to ask a seventeen year old, but Cassie did take a week to think it through.

Within that week, she fucked four different guys for free. The first one was a boy from high school. He fucked her in the bathroom during school, then the math tutor in the study room after school. Cassie then took a cab ride out to Bell Isle one evening and let the driver get a taste. Her last free fuck was Dee's brother.

After that week, she returned to Dee and didn't look back. He didn't turn her into a whore. He just challenged the whore within her and she was thankful for that. Maybe that's why she stayed with him but still had her own goals and ambitions. Dee didn't need her money because he had all that dope money. He was saving Cassie's for her but she had no access to it, yet he bought her whatever she needed or wanted. After the inspection she was able to sit down and have a conversation. He hardly had time to speak and was only there when Cassie had to report in the morning. Dee stood six foot three and weighed over two hundred pounds. He's been selling heroin since the age of twelve, now he sells heroin by the kilo. Dee was athletically built and fairly attractive with a hint of paranoia, feeling like everybody in his crew was out to get him.

"I was hoping we could go out and spend some time together honey," she spoke with delight.

"Not today, there's too much talk around the city and I need to lay low. You dig? Now don't bother me until I'm finished."

He didn't sound too worried as he fed money into the counter machine. All Cassie could see were those dollars in her pocket. She may have been a whore but not a dumb one.

"Well, maybe you can take me downtown and have breakfast," Cassie whined but he declined. After that, she decided to find another way.

Fannetta's Dilemma

Mom's day finally began with a cup of coffee and an Earth Wind and Fire album playing softly. She did her best to clean the stained rug last night, but failed. So, the furniture got rearranged to cover it. All the curtains were opened inviting the sunlight in while she sat down at the kitchen table. Mom took pride in being a homeowner along with her degree from Wayne State University in Accounting. She was the first but not the last in her family to graduate from college. Her dad wouldn't have allowed anything less than a college degree from his daughter. That degree was mom's most prized accomplishment. She wanted us to be educated and independent too as she gathered her clothes from the closet taking the first step toward her own independence. The fight last night was the worse our family had seen and mom's breaking point. After eighteen years of marriage she wanted out. It's been a marriage of convenience and not for love or family which meant it was for all the wrong reasons. Dad wasn't exactly her first choice to marry however being pregnant out of wed-lock wasn't either. She didn't know he did drugs too until after I was born; of course too late.

Mom took a break from packing to have a cigarette and sat on the couch. Her Kool's cigarette lit and she took a long drag then exhaled with satisfying relief. But, within moments that calm environment came to a close. Dad came storming through the door panting and clenching onto his recent wound. He didn't stop to speak to her, instead headed into the bathroom where his syringe and needles were kept.

It had been only three weeks since his release from rehab and that's another reason why she couldn't stay. He won't stop. Dad wasn't strong enough like her and mom didn't want to be the blame for his relapse or another trip to the hospital. She sat up, fixed her hair, gathered her thoughts and prepared to tell him that she's leaving.

"Back from the hospital already Perry? You know I didn't mean to hurt you," mom apologized. There was no answer for over five minutes. She didn't want to approach the door from fear of his backlash.

"Perry? Did you hear me? I'm sorry."

Then out he comes reluctantly still gripping his wound. Dad didn't speak as he sat next to her and dumped out money and dope onto the couch from the bag he carried. Mom's eyes couldn't believe what they were beholding. It was the most money or dope she'd ever seen at one time.

"Where the fuck did you get that Perry? And please be honest." Mom rocked back and forth in a nervous embrace awaiting an answer.

"Baby, are you going to answer?"

She pleaded but dad just nodded off, so she quickly put all of what counted out to be thirty thousand dollars back into the bag and raced to finish packing. When mom returned back downstairs it was with luggage. Dad's nod continued for a good twenty minutes before she woke him and asked again where he got all the dope from. He eventually got up and began shuffling around the room slowly to and from the window.

"Tell me Perry," she pleaded. "Where did all this dope come from?"

He picked up her Kool's cigarette pack and lit one before sitting back down on the couch.

"Fannetta, I might have fucked up this time," he admitted.

"What did you do Perry?"

Mom's feeling went from anxiety to fear over what he might have done. Dad put some of the dope on his index finger and sniffed it.

"You know them Y.B.I.'s over on Davidson?"

"Yes. What about them?" she asked attentively.

"I had been working on setting up some new accounts for Cassie's boyfriend and this morning I got a call for me to meet him. When I got to the address the door was kicked off the hinges and nobody was home. The neighbors said the F.B.I had raided his house about an hour ago taking him into custody. I didn't think twice as I entered and continued the search of the house for anything I could find."

"Why would you do that baby?" mom trembled.

"Cause I already told you I needed money! You should have given me the damn money, Fannetta!" Dad shouted scornfully.

Mom lit another cigarette to ease herself. He stole from drug dealers at the right time for her she figured because she was already leaving him. Now the situation has gotten too dangerous and wasn't safe to stay either way.

"But Perry, you didn't have to do this."

He stood up and stuck out his chest.

"I searched the place until I found it all. I'm a damn junky Fannetta!"

Dad reached in his pocket and chucked another guap of money into her lap. Mom dropped the cigarette out her mouth as it fell open.

"That's another three thousand dollars. Put it with the rest of that money. I don't care. I want you to have it, just leave me with this dope."

Mom dropped her head and replied.

"I'm sorry Perry, but I was leaving you today. I planned on being gone with Oscar before you were released."

Her eyes swelled with tears while holding the money.

"What are we going to do with the money?" Mom asked impatiently.

Perry stared out the front window without looking back.

"We aren't doing anything with it. You take that money and get yourself and Oscar out of here like you planned. I don't care where you go but you need to leave real soon. They'll be coming for me anytime now."

Mom cried remorsefully looking at his back then down at the money.

"But baby, what about...?"

"Dammit Fannetta, just go please!" He insisted.

She wasn't sure where to go, but knew it wasn't safe there and if dad is telling her to leave, then it must be necessary. He wasn't the type to back down and mom knew he loved his family and would do anything to keep us from harm. Even if he was the one to put us in harm's way, sadly their love affair was over.

Mom took the luggage and put it into the car before returning into the house to say goodbye. Dad was in the process of shooting up when she came back.

"Perry, why do yourself like this? You really don't leave me much choice."

Her apathetic voice carried over to his sensitive ear. "Ok, c'mon we'll leave this place together." This mom stated against her better judgment. Fortunately for her he declined.

"I can't run from reality Fannetta. It'll be better for you without me, I promise."

They embraced once more leaving all matters of convenience behind and with all her will mom turned and walked out the door.

"Take care of my son. I want to see him again," dad cried as she shut the door.

Mom didn't look back as the car keys dangled in her hand with a content smile. She felt like she had just been awarded the lion's share of a divorce settlement without an argument. It seemed to be a fair trade off to them both. She got some money and freedom and he got all the dope his poor body can take as dad watched the car back out the driveway and out of view.

Perry's Demise

That afternoon dad heard the loud burst come from the front door. Three men came charging into the house, guns pointed and yelling.

"You robbed my brother bitch! Where's it at?" asked one of the masked men.

"Why are you wearing a mask Henry? Nobody's here but us. Go ahead and take it off." Dad kept calm as Henry pulled of his mask but the other two didn't.

"Okay bitch. That's my brother's dope on that table. Get the package fellas."

Dad watched the goons take what he wanted most.

"Go ahead, take the dope. I've had enough. There's dope all in my veins," he said with displeasure.

Dad's options were few with the fact he was out-numbered and out-gunned but he tried to keep a positive attitude in the midst of certain death. Henry put the dope in a bag and zipped it closed. "Now get the fuck outta my house! You got what you came for."

Henry looked at dad and laughed along with his goons.

"I thought I told you. I've come for my brother's dope, including the dope in your veins."

"What kind of dumb ass drug dealers are y'all?" he asked sarcastically before Henry pulled out a machete and slashed at him. "Fuck you Henry!" dad spit with a disgusted smile on my face.

"Which vein did my brother's dope go in Perry? Y'all go over there and hold this cocksucker down while I get my brother's dope."

One put a gun to his head the other put a hand on his shoulder forcing dad to sit and watch as Henry raised the machete.

"Wait!"

Her shouts came as an alarm to the room. Dad struggled to free himself but got pistol whipped.

"I told you it would be easy," she said.

"What are you doing here bitch?" Henry asked in an outrage as she entered and sat on the other side of dad.

"He's my father. Let me speak with him," she stated remorsefully. Hesitantly Henry agreed.

"But we aren't leaving the room," he demanded.

Now dad was completely confused. Cassie caressed his hair and kissed him on the lips.

"You know Daddy it didn't have to be like this."

"What do you mean? Why? I thought we had an understanding."

She smacked her teeth in displeasure.

"I guess we both know the truth about blood and water Daddy. I appreciate what you've done for me even though you aren't my real father," she spoke with such ease.

"So she told you," dad guessed.

"You should've told me."

Cassie was clearly feeling betrayed by dad and he understood why. She was deprived of her own family history. But damn, taking it to this extent isn't what he thought the effect would've been. Neither did he think his drug use would've gotten him here either.

"Cassie I made a choice to protect you, but I didn't think to protect myself from the drugs. Why use my weakness against me?" Dad asked in frustration then Henry jabbed him in the nose with his fist.

"Because you're a weak bitch that deserves to die," he said disgusted.

"No quicker or sooner than you Henry," dad replied.

"We're both getting what we want Daddy. You got to get high and I got my money from Dee."

She was heartless in a most unfamiliar way and set dad up to fall.

"But you came to me with this plan. This was all your idea Cassie."

"Ok, let me tell you that Dee never planned on giving me my money because of you. Your name came up as a confidential informant for the feds in a case against him. You're a rat informant Daddy and an addict."

Henry and his goons laughed aloud in dad's face which only fueled his rage. He broke free and lunged at Henry knocking Cassie in the jaw with his elbow. She fell back into the couch momentarily unconscious. Henry sliced into dad's abdomen as he hollered in anguish, dropping to the floor moaning. Henry wiped the blood on the rug then motioned to his goons.

"Henry what about her?" asked one of the goons.

"Pick the whore up and throw her in the car. We got the dope."

They put their guns away and carried her out leaving dad to die. He slowly made way to the couch bleeding and near death. The phone receiver was within reach however he either couldn't or didn't reach for it. Dad was completely heartbroken and couldn't feel any more pain from his wounds or choices. Cassie and Fannetta did what they felt was in their best interest. He betrayed them both only dad didn't think they'd do this to him. At least not like this.

His concept of time had ceased, the view got darker and the room quieter. There were no sounds of ambulance or police sirens blaring down our street to the scene of this crime. Only dad and the emptiness of the house remained. I didn't know the time or hour when only emptiness remained in the house.

The Journey Begins

Mom was parked out front after school, honking and waving out the window getting my attention before I could get on the bus, Pam noticed her too.

"Oscar your mom is here."

"Gee, I can see and hear thank you."

I was a bit irritated throughout the day from the night before and this morning. Plus, I was concerned about dad.

"Uh dismiss the attitude dear," said Pam snapping her fingers and rolling her eyes while we made way to my mom as she continued to honk.

"Yes I see you mom," I sighed. "Why are you here and not at work?"

Pam stood beside me politely waving with mom returning the gesture.

"I thought it would be good for us to spend the remainder of the afternoon together. You know, mother-son bonding. No offense Pam."

"Hey I can take a hint Mrs. Watkins. I'll be catching that bus now. See y'all later."

Mom waved a subtle goodbye then motioned me into the car.

"Wanna drive?"

Of course I did! This unexpected ride home and privilege to drive took away most of my worries from today. I learned that parents at some point can make right many wrongs by a simple deception of the senses.

"How's Dad? Have you heard from him?"

Eagerly I waited for her to tell me he was at home resting, but she didn't answer right off. The radio played Run-Dmc's song, "It's like that" and mom started rapping some of their rhymes. I was a bit impressed and turned off to the fact we could share some common interest. Once again I asked her about dad, so she decided to answer.

"Your father put the family in danger with them Y.B.I.'s. There, now that's better than lying to you," she stated bluntly.

I turned the music down and asked her to explain to me what he did but she wouldn't. I guess I'll have to hear it from the streets like I've gotten most of my important information.

"What about Cassie? Where's she at and why's she not going?"

I had plenty of questions and wanted answers to them all. I felt entitled to answers of any question I asked.

"Oscar you're asking questions I can't answer. Just understand we can't stay here," she insisted.

"Cassie has already made her decision to move out and live elsewhere. We can't concern ourselves with her right now. She's a grown woman or at least she likes to believe it. I can't knock her for making the choice she did. I've made choices I'm not proud of too."

Now she was getting deep in her feelings and I wasn't prepared for it nor did I think she was.

"What about money? Last I heard we were broke." I had to throw that in to get more answers.

"Your father was gracious enough to share some of his good fortune with us so we'll have plenty of money to get us by, don't you worry."

Mom's dreamy eyed gaze appeared happy at what possibilities were ahead.

"What about school? I still gotta get an education."

"I've got that under control too," she answered confidently. So, I just sat back and allowed her to take us where she saw fit.

The bus traveled across the countryside back roads as I lay relaxing on the last two seats in the back. The bus smelled of smoke, food, and foul body odor as I covered my nose and watched the activities of the other passengers. An elderly white woman sat staring out of the window, clutching her purse as tightly as a mother holds her young. To my immediate right sat a young, teenage boy clearly high on something with lusty eyes beamed on my mom's chest and his hand down his pants. Two seats directly in front of me are a twenty something couple kissing the night away. My shirt stayed tied to my face trying to block out the smell of urine seeping from the bathroom.

Once more I look overt to mom. Her eyes were with tears, so I reclined my seat and closed my eyes. The only image she wanted to see right then was dad. The pain was starting to settle in. He could be gone and she just might be alone. Who's going to be there to console her, make her smile, or laugh? But most important, she hopes he's alive and finds her. This'll be painful going home from what she's told me, but it's the safest thing for us. Putting our lives at risk were dice she couldn't throw. At least dad gave her enough money to really get started. I heard her whisper a prayer to him saying, "thank you baby, my only supporter and friend". Her tears flowed in silence the rest of the night.

I didn't know too much about Junction City, but there was no other place we could have gone without somebody finding us. If we didn't leave Detroit, we were sure enough going to end up dead. She's praying dad isn't but can't let that happen to us. This trip will take all night and it'll be all over by morning. That's what I told myself until the bus arrived at the station.

We pulled in around ten a.m. and were woken by the yelling and screaming emanating from the front of the bus. I jumped out of my seat and stood next to mom while we both looked up front to the bus driver. He was arguing with the young couple I watched kiss last night. Her purse was stolen and the bus driver didn't care. Her mate tried to console her, but was unsuccessful. They exited the bus along with the others and disappeared into the street.

We collected our bags and began our day. It was mom's first time back since we were born. My face seemed disappointed with the size yet excited and curious as I stopped to watch the early morning traffic of people bumper to bumper down Washington Street. I still wasn't impressed with the place after living in Detroit, but still I was pleased to be here. Downtown was full of bustling department stores, diverse ethnic restaurants and other cultural boutiques. Mom began to reminisce.

"I remember this place," she said blissfully. "My friends and I use to ride the bus downtown and freely walk the sidewalks window shopping. Then we would stop at the café where groups of us fraternized, socialized and flirted daily. I needed to keep telling myself being in Junction City shouldn't have to feel like I'm giving my life up."

We hauled our luggage swiftly across Washington Street when the traffic allowed us.

"This is it baby, home."

"Damn Mom, why did you ever want to leave this place? It seems so alive," I said sarcastically.

She put her arm around me and pulled me close.

"How are you going to down this place? You haven't been here thirteen minutes."

"Well I know if I had seen it in a brochure, I'd probably opt out on visiting or even living here. It looks like a place everybody would want to move away from one day."

"Oscar, that's enough of the sour talk. We need to call my father so he can come get us." She tried not to sound gloom.

Once inside the phone booth, mom began feeling dizzy and nauseous while dialing the number and nearly fainted. I caught her then sat her on the corner bench. Mom clenched her stomach and started sweating.

"Mom you okay? You look pale."

"I'm going to be okay baby, don't you worry about me."

No sooner she jumped from her seat, ran around the corner and started throwing up.

"This is how I get when I'm here. There are plenty of memories good and bad that kept me close and away, only I couldn't decide on the latter," she tried explaining wiping her mouth and returning to her seat. "Are you excited about meeting your Granddad Hank, Oscar?"

I nodded a short yes.

"I hope he doesn't live far from here. Does he mom?"

She forgot we've only corresponded through mail and by phone however sparingly. I only know him through pictures and voice alone.

"Do you think your mother was raised on a farm? Don't you think I'm down?"

She jokingly posed in a B-Boy stance while I frowned at her for mimicking the hip-hop/pop culture, shrugging my shoulders unsure of how to reply.

"I just don't want to have to walk a mile to school and could you not do that...ever again....please. Thank you."

"Well baby, this isn't Detroit. We're in Junction City now and believe me, you won't have to walk or ride a bus to school. Now that's going to be different."

We actually conversed peacefully for the next half hour until I became hungry. Hank had not shown up yet, so we decided to walk up to the Blue Milk café, mom's favorite place. She told me it was established in the city since the early sixties with its barbequed ribs as the favorite amongst customers and they serve breakfast twenty four hours. However time and fortune has changed the café which will always be a staple in the community.

Now there are drug dealers and whores loitering in and around the café. I wouldn't have expected to see any whores or pimps here during the day but there they were. Even though the Blue Milk café had unsavory characters circulating outside that didn't stop business. It kept a revolving door, almost like a prison. For every one person that left, two or three more entered. Without hesitation we entered the café and sat down in a booth by the window. It gave me full view of the action at the Washington Street intersection.

Staring at the whores working had mom concerned for her own daughter. Without fail I'm sure some may be selling their body to buy drugs. Others, probably being pimped but I wondered which one was out there because she wanted to be by choice. At that point I really started to worry about Cassie and if she took heed to mom's words. She may be a whore but she's my sister. Before my thoughts had gotten completely away from me the menus were set on the table by the waitress along with two glasses of water.

"Do you know what you want already?" asked the waitress.

Mom didn't bother to answer on purpose due to the waitress' rushed tone and continued surfing the menu but I was ready to eat.

"I want some pancakes with a glass of milk," I said without looking at the menu.

"You want me to come back or what lady?" asked the impatient waitress.

Mom put down the menu and stared at her.

"Why would I want you to come back? The only reason you'll need to come back would be to bring my son his order and bring me a cup of coffee dammit! Now get the hell out my face!" She spat obnoxiously. I just stared at my mom looking embarrassed as she simply smiled unapologetically.

"It's been a long trip and I'm moody. Don't let people run over you Oscar, because they will try it, especially these family members. You got that?"

"Yeah Mom whatever, I got it."

She turned away and stared out the window. Her attitude was going in a negative direction. The thought of me disliking her was irritating along with her unsettled past.

"Where the fuck is that old man at? His ass should've been here by now."

"Well. What kind of car does he drive mom?"

"I don't know. Last time I saw the old man, he was driving an old 1979 royal blue station wagon with a white streak on both sides of the car. Why?"

"I just want to help look out for him, that's all."

The waitress finally returned about twenty minutes later with our order.

"Will that be all Miss?" asked the waitress politely.

"That's all for now," mom replied and prepared her coffee while impatiently waiting.

The waitress looked at the both of us, shook her head and turned away, mumbling disrespectful words. Luckily mom wasn't up for entertaining her with some of her own lewdness. Instead she proudly watched me eat until she heard that familiar horn honking over and over. Looking out the window mom seen his same royal blue station wagon parked outside. I noticed it too.

"Hey! Isn't that the car you said he drove?"

"Yeah, that's him. That's my father."

"How did he know we were here?"

"He always knew where to find me. C'mon, let's go."

Mom dropped a five dollar bill on the table without regarding the tip and headed for the door while I grabbed our luggage dragging sorely behind. Hank was leaning against the back of his car with the trunk opened as we came out. He wore his hair in an afro with the silver gray shining in the sun. His smile was crooked and his eyes, shifty. He had a slim build while holding onto a cane. At first sight he was surprised at how much his little girl had grown. It has been almost fifteen years since he last saw me.

"Hello Daddy."

She hugged him in a log embrace.

"It looks like my little woman has changed since I've last seen you. And who is this well groomed young man?"

I walked over and extended his arm for a handshake.

"Hi. It's me Oscar. Remember? We've talked on the phone more than once but you don't look like you sound."

He laughed while we shook hands.

"Oscar, it's not how you look, but how you feel. Remember that."

"Okay. I see you don't care how you dress?"

My statement was short of disrespectful however Hank was dressed rather tacky wearing an uncoordinated red and green Adidas jogging suit with black loafers.

"You can call me carefree Oscar if you please."

"Can we just go to the house? I'm tired and sick."

We stuffed the trunk with every last bag except the one with the money. Mom took it from me and threw it into the back seat with her.

"Oscar, ride up front with grandpa."

Hank grabbed his cane and limped to the driver side.

"What's wrong with your leg Hank?"

He hesitated as he opened his door and got in the car.

"Nothing that time can't heal, I'll be alright."

Meanwhile, mom's nausea grew in the car as Hank sped off down Eleventh Street toward the Westwood District. She began to vomit out the window but he didn't pull over nor did he ask what the matter was.

"How long has she been like that Oscar?"

"I don't know. I think since we got here."

"Are you missing Detroit Fannetta? I thought you always belonged here."

Mom pulled her head back in the window and wiped her mouth once again.

"I am but I needed to move."

"Damn Fannetta, you haven't been home in so long the family has been longing to see you. Plus, Oscar has cousins he hasn't meet either. Whatever need you felt to leave Detroit it must've been worth it. You still need stability in your life for your son's sake. He can't go all around the world with you Fannetta."

"Don't start with that shit Daddy, please."

"Fine, but you'll be taking my car for a good detail after you feel better. And I mean that."

She heard me laugh under my breath but then I just turned around bursting out in sheer laughter. It was my first time experiencing her on the receiving end as the child and I enjoyed it.

"How old are you Hank?"

"I just turned fifty nine last month."

"Really, well mom is entering her late thirties. She'll be thirty five, huh mom."

"Nobody is asking about my age Oscar."

"So how old does that make you, Oscar?"

"I'm sixteen. Are you married yet?"

"You sure do ask a lot of questions. No I'm not married. My second wife passed away before you were born."

"How did she die?"

"Oscar! Quit asking so many damn questions!" Mom yelled.

"Now everybody just calm down we're almost home," Hank said joyfully.

Oscar didn't say another word until we pulled up in front of a two story brick house with concrete steps and porch.

"Is this your house?" I asked incredulously.

Hank turned and smiled at me.

"My house is your house."

Mom put her bag on her shoulder opened the car door and fell to her knees vomiting in the grass. Hank came and helped her to her feet, up the porch and into the house. I had the chore of unloading the luggage. When finished I met Hank coming through the threshold of the den.

"Where's my mom?"

"She's in there resting. Oscar, your mom is sick. Do you know that?"

"Yeah, I can see that."

"Well, fair enough. Just let her get some rest and we'll talk later. For now, the remote is on the end table, and there's food in the fridge."

"No problem Hank."

"I'll be back shortly."

I sat on the couch until I heard the car drive off, afterward running into the den knocking the door wide open.

"Are you alright?"

Mom lay curled up clutching her stomach and sweating profusely with me almost guessing the cause of her sickness. It couldn't have been food poisoning because she's hardly been eating and barely drinking water.

"Leave me alone now, I'll be okay," she coughed out.

So I shut the door slowly then quietly walked back into the front room. The sound of Hank's voice woke me an hour later.

"Hey Oscar you need some fresh air. I phoned your cousins Red and Shoe. They're down at your Aunt Beth's next to the park."

"I just got here. Can I call my girlfriend Pam back in the "D", I mean Detroit?"

He nodded in compliance before setting his keys down and going into the den. I anxiously picked up the receiver dialing but was interrupted once more.

"When you're finished the park is a few blocks down from here. Walk down Custer Road take a left on Eisenhower then a left on Twelfth Street. I told them to be looking out for the odd man on the block and you can't miss them. They're the only two nappy headed twins there," Hank laughed.

"I guess I can go," I replied.

"Well, get on down there when you finish your conversation. I'm going in to check on Fannetta."

When he entered she was vomiting in the trash. Hank had a small package that he placed on the dresser.

"Fannetta I'm back and I've brought you some Hocus-Pocus. It's a new batch that got here last week."

She stumbled over to the dresser picked up the package then fell on the bed in relief. He sat down next to her and put his hand on her head.

"I've missed you Daddy," she mumbled.

He kissed her forehead before getting up and heading for the door.

"I knew those signs and symptoms you were displaying too well Fannetta. How long has it been since your last fix?"

Mom wasn't ashamed and it wasn't a secret to him that she was still a user. Only, she couldn't let dad know because when he got high, he got high. She couldn't deny she loved the way he was fixed on that Atomic Dog heroin. Dad was mostly mellow when high. I mean if music calms the savage beast then heroin was his tune and he loved to listen to it. Now her, she hid it very well by shooting up between her toes never in the arms and only when dad was at work or out of town did she do it. When he went to rehab she didn't stop. Mom only wanted him to go so he could slow down because she knew he wasn't going to stop. The two jobs she worked were to support her habit not for Cassie's school. There was no food in the house because mom would spend the money on that Raw Dog heroin. She knew we suffered but her choice was made. She was getting high and didn't want to stop either.

"My last fix was three days ago Daddy," she admitted.

He nodded before the door shut leaving her to fix herself. If mom hadn't kept this from dad maybe they would've had a better relationship. Instead she chose to down that very man who briefly saved her from her own destruction. Mom's addiction was one reason she left Junction City. The heroin wasn't hard to find. Truthfully it was the only thing she thought of since deciding to come back. She knew the temptation would be great and now with easy access to cash her addiction can be fed to her liking. Her tribulations gave her pleasure that she may inflict her own pain upon herself. Here, she can truly be me like everybody else that gets high. There's no place like home.

Family Introduction

I arrived at the park following Hank's directions and that shit was no few blocks, more like a county mile. I was sweaty and tired not realizing how many people where actually out. This definitely wasn't like the parks of Detroit I remember playing in. The grass was crayon green and there were trees surrounding the perimeter of the park. Kids played in the wading pool, on jungle gym and on the basketball court. I stood at the entrance of the park with a pleasing smile on my face. These kids seemed either disconnected from what's going on or didn't care what was going on in the streets. Kids were dying daily where I'm from, maybe because we cared too much about what was really going on in the streets instead of being a kid. However, the allure of money can attract even the innocent.

The closest park to my house in Detroit was the Greenfield Park elementary school, but it was as dirty as the streets. Trash, broken glass, empty condom packs and drug paraphernalia had laced the school playgrounds in my neighborhood. Here, I felt the park was the way a park should be. A place for kids to move around with other kids and there wasn't a better place I'd like to have been at the present moment without forgetting Detroit.

I kept my hands in my pockets as I walked over to the swing set, directly across from the basketball court. Those cousins Hank spoke of were not yet to be seen as I stood and surveyed the park. Then I followed a path to the cement handball court. I got closer and they became more distinct as I saw their nappy heads. Adjacent to the court was a merry-go-round and a wooden park bench. There, two girls sat with another boy holding the chain of a German shepherd dog. I wasn't sure what to say to them besides hello. I never knew shyness unlike today. I was a stranger in a different place, on unfamiliar ground and that made it different until the handball landed seven feet in front of me.

"Hey Oscar toss my ball back!"

The shout came from one of the stocky boys, so I picked up the ball and walked it over to him.

"Here you go."

"Thanks kid. You're our cousin aren't cha?" He asked.

"Yeah, I believe so. You got that nappy head Hank said to look out for. I'm Oscar."

"No shit?" He responded. "I've seen your picture on Hank's wall, your whole family. I'm Red," he smiled and began introducing everybody to me. "The fat white boy is Chris, next to him is Sandy, this fine young man is my brother Shoe and that's June. Welcome to Junction City."

"Thanks. This is a cool park. Do y'all get on the basketball court any?"

I had to ask because the only thing I knew about Kansas was the basketball teams.

"Hell yeah we play ball. Shoe just prefers this over that, so I don't mind. We hang out here all the time. It gets real live in the summer too. You'll see."

Red and Shoe finished up their game while I sat and got acquainted with the others at the merry-go-round. June told me she was my cousin because her Granddad and mine were brothers. Chris grew up on the same street as Red and Shoe, while Sandy and June have known each other since first grade. As for the twins, I was told they would have to answer any questions I had in regards to them. Nobody spoke for or about them was my understanding.

Hank opened my bedroom door and flicked the light on. It was the first day at my new school.

"Time for the day kid, get up and come eat breakfast. Your mother made it especially for you."

I stretched out my arms and legs yawning.

"Mom cooked?" I asked puzzled. "I thought she was still sick."

He smiled then winked his eye.

"I took care of her, don't you worry. Just get on down there and eat."

Hank shut the door and went down stairs. I wasn't too far behind him.

"Good morning baby."

My mouth fell open in surprise. There was Mom standing in the kitchen dressed exactly the way she told Cassie not to. She looked like a whore; pretty, but still a whore.

"How are you feeling Mom? I know last week was hard on your body."

"I told you not to worry about me. I'm going be okay. Daddy got my medicine. Now I feel much better."

I looked over to him sitting at the table drinking hot tea, and smoking a cigarette. Hank looked back to me and winked again. I was starting to dislike those shifty eyes of his. It seems like he's been plotting since we got here. That's what I believed as I turned back to mom.

"Why are you dressed like that? You look like Cassie," I stressed.

She turned to me smiling as though I gave her a compliment.

"You like the way I look? Your granddad bought it for me. So, I decided to wear it out to the club last night."

His eyes absorbed mom from the bottom of her feet to the back of her neck with bad intentions. Mom did have the body of an athlete along with smooth caramel colored skin that carried no stretch marks or fat. She had about a 36D chest that complimented her small waist and well-rounded ass. Her long hair rested on her shoulders and was dyed an auburn color that brought out the hazel in her eyes and the fullness of her lips. Even without make-up, mom had been blessed with natural beauty from birth and that alone was a curse for her.

"I gotta keep my girl looking nice," Hank smiled mischievously.

There was no need for me to reply. Instead, I continued feeding the eggs and bacon into my mouth thinking about my dad. I prayed he would get here sooner than mom said he would be. I don't believe I would've come so easily if it were any different. I didn't choose this place and I hoped mom didn't lie to me.

"Slow down baby, there's more if you want," she smiled and wiped her hands on her skirt. I chased the food with a glass of orange juice then wiped my hands and mouth. Afterward, I sat for a moment at the table to entertain myself. Hank picked at his teeth with a matchbook cover and shrugged his shoulders.

"You'll be alright Oscar. Your mother's doing what it takes just like Cassie." Mom stood behind him rubbing his shoulders. "Come sit down and tell me how your first night out felt Fannetta."

She curved around and sat down on his lap cutting her eyes and puckering her lips. The scene was definitely awkward.

"Y'all are fucked up," I blurted out.

My statement wasn't acknowledged as they continued with their own conversation as if I weren't there.

"I had a good night out Daddy. I'm sure you heard."

"You know, I know. I just want to hear you tell me."

Mom inhaled quickly then let out a sigh.

"I spoke with Cassie this morning and she's ready to come out. I hope you still want to meet her Daddy."

Mom was unsure of his response but Cassie was coming regardless of his decision.

"Now that is good news. I finally get to meet the first born. And since she takes after you, she'll be good for the household," he said cleverly with a mellow demeanor. Mom hopped off him and rubbed her hand across his chest.

"Yes, you can say Cassie's got some of me in her. I'll be back," she said leaving out of the kitchen. I now sat at the table with Hank and I hadn't gotten dressed for school yet. I had a sudden lack of motivation to go.

"Now you understand what's going on around here Oscar?" he asked sternly.

"Whatever. You ain't doing anything I ain't seen before" I stated darkly. "I've got to go get dressed. Red is stopping over to get me for school."

"I hear your cousins are happy to have you here Oscar. I know them girls are excited about a new young lion in the jungle."

"Is that right, Hank? I guess you could say I'm happy to be here as well."

It was as sarcastic as I could get and he had become annoying to me so I left to my room. A few moments later mom starts shouting.

"Oscar! Get down here and get to school."

I made my way down where she waited at the bottom of the stairs.

"Go on to school now Oscar and have a good first day."

Mom put some money in my hand and gave me a hug. This wasn't how we said bye in the mornings, but we weren't in Detroit anymore either. Dad needed to hurry up and bring me back to reality before I lost my own sanity I thought picking up my backpack and rushing toward the door, opening it to see Red about to knock.

"You ready?" he asked.

I shut the door behind me and walked off the porch. We walked for the next thirty minutes while June grilled me.

"You got on Levi's, Air Jordan's and a Polo shirt. This nigga dressed like he got money," snapped June.

I looked myself over and nodded arrogantly. This wasn't even considered fly in Detroit. But checking out their clothes not all of them were wearing new, not even my cousins. I thought when one family member had money we all had money. That's the concept we had in Detroit, but once again I'm not there anymore. My new scene consisted of this; Chris' short stubby self-wobbling, over weight and always wearing jogging suits. Maybe the jogging outfit might inspire him to exercise more. His dad kept his hair in a buzz cut and told him he's being shipped off to the Marines after he graduates High School. Sandy was cleanly dressed with a polyester skirt, button down, long sleeve blue shirt and sandals. Her hair was pulled back into a pony tail and it looked like she put Vaseline on instead of lotion the way her face shined. Sandy's parents were one of those Jehovah Witnesses' or something. Whatever their religion she wore that same type outfit daily.

Red and Shoe were dressed alike, but easy to tell apart because they were fraternal. They both wore white t-shirts and wrangler blue jeans with black suede pumas. Shoe had an afro and Red was bald headed, taller but not lighter than Shoe. They were both good-looking. Shoe was completely deaf and communicated through sign language. He went to the Polaski Institute for the handicapped and behaviorally challenged, located behind the high school. This kid Monty walking with us I met yesterday. He stayed in the Westwood District on Marshall Street. His hair was barely combed and stuck out all over. Monty's pants were worn in both knees and his shirt was too small. It came just about to his belt line, but didn't touch. The shoes he wore were too big, because they flopped off his feet with each step. But one thing I liked about Monty was his smile. If he had nothing else, that kid had a confident smile.

Finally we reached the school grounds of Junction City High School, just as the bell rang. Each of them darted through the door then took off in separate directions down the hallways disappearing into classrooms. I pulled out my class schedule and school map, searching for my homeroom. I made way up two flights of stairs, down the hallway to the doorway of classroom six, Mr. Desoto. I gathered myself, took a deep breath then turned the doorknob entering the class.

"Good morning. You must be Oscar."

"Yes sir. Good morning."

"Come in, please. I'm Mr. Desoto and this is homeroom."

He turned to the class and asked them to say hello. They all said hello in unison with chuckles and laughter. I gave a friendly wave.

"Oscar, you can have a seat over by the window," said Mr. Desoto. I nodded going in the direction he pointed and sat down.

"Hi. My name is Leticia," said the girl next to me.

"I'm Oscar."

Leticia covered her mouth giggling and trying to hide the small yet noticeable gap between her front teeth.

"I know your name, silly. Where did you move here from?"

"Detroit."

I was trying not to be rude but Mr. Desoto heard our conversation and interrupted.

"Leticia, please save your questions for after class, thank you."

She rolled her eyes at him as she opened up her math book. Eventually the bell rang for next period as students rushed for the door and to their lockers or class. I shuffled to a wall and pulled out my schedule again.

"Hey! You need some help finding your next class?"

I turned and saw it was Leticia.

"Thanks. That would help me out a lot."

She took my schedule and looked it over, grinned then gave it back.

"So which way am I headed now?"

"Hang with me today. We're in majority the same classes except for my choir at the end of the day. You have art, but that's just across the hall."

I followed gladly behind trying not to be obvious I was staring at her ass. Hell, I'm a guy. Anyway, she was a petite girl that weighed about one hundred twenty pounds with jet black hair in a wrap and green eyes. Her gear was fresh, wearing an emerald green and white Adidas outfit with a pair of white shell toe Adidas to match. I would find out later she was one of the most conceited girls in the tenth grade that thrived on attention.

The end of the school day sounded with the bell ringing at 2:40 sharp. Majority of the students flooded out of the school, eager to get to the more fun parts of their day. I was caught in the rush as I made my way to the front door to meet up with Red.

"That's the new kid!" shouted Leticia from across the foyer.

"Hi Leticia," I waved frantically.

She walked over and sat down next to me.

"Why are you just sitting here? Aren't you going home?"

"Yeah, but I'm waiting on my cousin Red."

"Red Watkins, the foster kid?"

"Foster kid? They're not in a foster home?"

Leticia got up from her seat and started to walk off.

"Hold on Leticia. What are you talking about?"

Leticia faced me with her books pressed up against her budding chest.

"You haven't heard yet? He and his brother killed their father in a house fire," she said plainly.

"But, why would they do something like that?"

"I heard he was abusing them. Beating them with sticks and burning them with an iron whenever either one got in trouble. This happened back in the 5th grade. I'm surprised you didn't know and he's your cousin."

I stood in silence as Leticia turned away.

"So that's how y'all do it here? Telling half the story which is mainly bullshit," I shouted with frustration.

"Maybe tomorrow," she replied waving.

I sat back down and thought about what she said until Red came walking up minutes later.

"Let's move it fly boy," snapped June.

I jumped to my feet and began walking behind the rest of the group with Red.

"How was your first day Oscar?"

"No different from Detroit without a doubt," I replied regretfully.

I wanted to ask him right then about his dad but didn't want to embarrass myself or him as to whether it was true or not.

"Yeah the day blows by quick but it's much better after school. We all got more important things to handle."

"Like what?"

"If I tell you it's because you're family and we don't share with everybody, understand?"

I was in some way extra curious. I've been looking for excitement in almost any manner. Plus, how much could they be into that I haven't seen in Detroit already. It was cool that he put trust in me but I still couldn't get pass what Leticia told me. The remaining stretch of the walk home was silent for me until we reached Hank's porch where he sat relaxing.

"What's up, you little hoods? How was school Oscar?"

"It was good. Where's my mom?"

"She'll be back shortly. June, tell your momma to come and talk to me."

"Ok Uncle Hank," she nodded.

"What's the word for the day preacher?" he joked with Sandy.

"God loves all sinners, even you sir,' she respectfully replied.

"Say Grandpa Hank. How about sliding me and my brother some change?" asked Red.

Without question he reached in his pocket and pulled out two twenty dollar bills, handing it to Shoe.

"Now you know you don't get something for nothing, right Red?"

"Yes sir."

"What do I want you to do for me, Red?"

"Tell Ms. Beth to come and talk to you."

"That's right. You tell her I got a deal she can't refuse this time, ok?"

Red got up from the porch as Shoe and the others followed as though it was their cue to leave.

"Hold up y'all!"

I threw my backpack on the porch and started chasing behind them.

"Oscar, before you go we need to talk," Hank told me.

"Alright, I'll get with y'all later."

After waving them off, I returned to the porch to hear what he had to say.

"Oscar I'm going to give it to you in the realist way possible. Around here, just like Detroit and any other place you go, a person is going to do what they choose to do, whether good or bad, right or wrong. Do you understand that much?"

I kept eye contact and answered clearly.

"Yes."

Then he continued.

"Now, I know your sister Cassie's a whore. I'm going to let you know your mother is also a whore. Yes son, I said it and it's true. She sells her body for money just like your sister and all the other whores in the street that get paid to suck and fuck. This isn't a game Oscar it's a way of life and the only way for some. It's fast for others but not for everyone."

Hank spoke without emotion and kept a mellow tone as he dictated to me what my mother does and what I should expect to see. Now this was some unheard of type shit to me. This man was just as crazy as my own parents. I wasn't impressed and it was more like depressing.

"Do you have any questions?"

"Are you going to pimp Cassie?"

"I thought about it, but I'll let her choose," he answered quickly.

After that answer I shook my head, got up and walked to Twelfth Street Park.

When I arrived Red and Shoe were already finishing a match and walking off the handball court.

"Tell me what you think of Leticia, Oscar? She's nice right?" Red asked in a loud curious voice.

"I guess. I don't really know her."

My reply wasn't loud and somewhat mumbled. I was scared to agree she was hot.

"Man, everybody saw y'all together all day. She ain't spent that much time with a guy unless she felt her reputation was being threatened."

He boosted my confidence a bit, but I didn't display the feeling. My mood was really still thrown off by Hank's blunt speech.

"You got a lot to learn, boy," said Sandy, starting to quote scriptures.

"Anyway, I heard some people talking about you killing your dad. Is that true?"

The others quickly fell silent awaiting his response. Red turned to me incensed.

"Do you think I killed him?"

I shrugged my shoulders, puzzled as Red threw his handball into the wood line.

"Dammit! So now I gotta prove myself to you! Hell, nigga I don't even know you."

"You ain't gotta explain nothing to me, man. I just asked."

My efforts to squash the question failed and it was too late. He was now fuming with tears forming in his eyes.

"Naw, fuck that. You wanna know me, c'mon. I'll show you where I come from."

Red walked off wiping away the tears that fell from his face. Not even Shoe followed him. Well, I asked and now it was time to get my answer, so I went along. We walked about six blocks to the bus stop and waited.

"Where are we going?"

"I'm taking you on a trip around Junction City so you'll be more appreciative of my environment. It isn't Detroit but it's the same everywhere," he said lowly.

"Red we don't have to do this. People can say whatever they choose."

But he was determined to prove himself.

"That's okay. I got cha."

We sat at the bus stop in front of Dillon's grocery on Sixth Street for the next ten minutes until the bus came. We got on, paid the fare and held tight onto the rails as the bus pulled off speeding down Sixth Street. We crossed Washington and continued over the East Sixth Street Bridge toward the east side of Junction City. As I peered out the window, the scene became awfully familiar. Instead of green lawns and single family homes, there were more apartment buildings, some vacant, burned, demolished or inhabitable. I saw some houses, a lot of vacant lots and trailer courts. Junkies wandered the trash filled streets and whores strolled under the bridge with prospects slowly passing by. The homeless slept directly on the streets and businesses continued to operate amid the beaten. The whole scene reminded me of Detroit.

"See anything you like Oscar?"

"I didn't know Junction City was this fucked up," I said apologetically.

"Shit's fucked up everywhere you go cousin."

We spent twenty minutes on the bus before finally getting off at East Sixth Street and Franklin. Then we walked down Franklin for another three blocks before stopping in front of an old abandoned lot at the corner of East Third Street.

"Here it is".

"Here's what?" I asked.

"This is the place where my father rests in peace," he answered vengefully. "That muthafucker abused me and my brother, so I punished his ass."

I was speechless as he turned to me then pulled off his t-shirt. My eyes were shocked to see the tips of iron brands over his back.

"What do you think?" He asked, putting his shirt back on. "Next time you want to know anything about me, just come and ask," he said ticked off.

After that eye opening experience, we walked back to the bus stop and waited once again. My question had been answered but he could've taken that shirt off at the park and gave me the answer then ol' sensitive ass, I laughed to myself.

The weeks that followed became more relaxed once I found my daily groove. Mom and Hank were hardly around at night so the house was generally mine. Their escapades had been continuous since the first week we got here. Mom finally broke her sickness after getting fixed up and a whoring she went. He got her up on those feet quick but I couldn't have put any more thought into it. That's what I told Pam tonight. We talked every other night about making plans to visit and took turns calling long distance to ease the burden of the phone bill. I don't know when our conversation ended. I fell asleep with the receiver to my ear but was awakened by the doorbell. It was clearly after ten o'clock and I wasn't getting up but it rang persistently, forcing me to answer. I looked through the peephole and there stood Cassie. I felt relieved she came and worried too. If she was here that must have meant dad really wasn't close behind or coming at all. Mom told me she left Cassie the address and number where we would be, also not to tell dad which I didn't understand. However I opened the door and greeted her with a sympathetic hug.

Cassie had a captivating smell of musk reeking from her but I didn't mention it because she already looked ashamed and discarded. I'm sure there was bad news she wanted to share to accompany my smugness as I basked in shameful glory of her defeat. I knew something was up and waited until she told me. Cassie stood silent in the foyer. Her style of dress hadn't changed over the last few months and she seemed a bit detached with a distressed look in her eyes. I couldn't pass judgment because I'm not without blemish but whatever was bothering her showed. I wanted her to talk but she just kept a stumped look upon her face. I felt the same way. With my last analysis I figured she finally became jealous of me because I gained some weight and even grew an inch. I know a lot of girls are waiting in line for me, so I can't complain. Yeah, she really hates me right now I gloated. Then, like everybody else who's ever been so overwhelmed, Cassie drops her bag and starts to cry. It was bound to happen. I didn't want to think the worst.

"He's dead Oscar," she said sorrowfully.

My jaw tightened shut and I clinched my fist trying to resist the comfort of her embrace. I didn't get a chance to say goodbye to him I thought regretfully as I cried. The man I knew wasn't the one everybody else called a fiend incapable or unwilling to quit. He was Dad and that meant the most to me. Yeah, I know he was a fiend but that six feet four inch tall man stood strong like an Iroquois tree and didn't bend with the wind. He was soft spoken, polite, slow tempered and smart. The worthless man people called him, I never knew. The man I knew had legs so long they stretched miles to provide for us. His hands were big enough to cover the family from the rain. The man I knew and loved taught me early in life that we all had fault to claim and mountains to climb. Also, we couldn't place the blame on anybody else but our self. I didn't choose to leave him and Detroit because I wasn't given a choice on the matter. Suddenly Cassie pulled away painfully.

"I was pregnant then had an abortion! I didn't know who the father was and I'm whore Oscar. But I'm not ashamed of who I am," she cried without end.

Cassie began telling me about driving out to Five mile and Gratiot to a well know clinic that did same day abortions. It wasn't uncommon but expected to abort a trick baby. I'm sure her choice wasn't hard. Who'd want a trick baby anyway?

"Dad wasn't getting that money for me Oscar I swear. He robbed Dee and they wanted their dope back. I don't know why he didn't take the money?"

The following morning we woke early from festive R&B music escaping from the dining room. Mom and Hank sat drinking hot tea and smoking cigarettes. My room was actually a separate loft in the northeast corner of the third floor with a glass ceiling. Our decent down my spiral staircase placed us opposite the dining room and adjacent to the living room, another little perk I enjoyed about this house.

"May I introduce our newest whore Cassie to the house," I said with a snobbish yet humorous tone. Cassie jabbed me with her elbow and slapped the back of my head as I continued to laugh. It did break the rattled expression on mom's face and Hank was looking lively as we entered the dining room. We joined them at the table where nobody spoke a word. Instead, we marred at one another.

"Am I the only thrilled one here? I must be," Hank spoke jovially.

"This is pleasant," replied mom trying to make eye contact with Cassie.

The atmosphere was perplexed. We all had unresolved issues that needed to be addressed before it erupted at the wrong time, but nobody spoke up. Underneath it all, the weight of the problem was too heavy for any of us to hold.

City Nights and Lights

Another season had begun with signs of spring abounding everywhere. The eighty degree weather excited the city to merrily act out its wildest inhibitions, especially up and down Washington and Sixth Street. The Blue Milk café' was at its busiest. There were more prostitutes than the local police could keep up with along with mom and Cassie unfortunately being two of them. Kansas City pimps were bringing their girls down provoking the local pimps and whores. The hot weather heated tempers as well.

Hank and mom drove down Eleventh Street on their way to the Blue Milk café then parked in the handicapped spot where he got out with cane in hand. She fixed her hair in the mirror and threw a cigarette out the window before Hank walked over to her side of the car sticking his head in.

"Okay baby. I want you to go out there and find Cassie so we can bring her home. I've got to check on my other traps then I'll see you at home later tonight."

Mom nodded in compliance as he limped away and disappeared into the night. She looked in the mirror once again to check her make-up then got out and hit the stroll. As mom walked there were plenty of stares, whistles and yelps. She was hotter than most whores on the stroll but wasn't a street walker. Mom had appointments, like an escort or call-girl but was still a whore either way. She chose this life before up and marrying Perry against Hank's will. Turns out she was his before Perry fell for her. Hank was a Detroit native who participated in the 1967 riots. He ran one of many after hour clubs in the city that was targeted by the police. They labeled him a militant who associated with other social reform groups like the Black Liberation Party. His affiliation was no secret. During the day his establishment fought for economic equality, affordable housing and the end to police brutality. The mayor and Chief of Police wanted him off the streets by any means. He was well known throughout Detroit and the night they came to shut him down, the community wasn't having it. After six days of rioting, fifty six people lay dead, over eleven hundred were injured and nearly five thousand arrested. Hank was convicted of inciting a riot that made national news and was sentenced to two years at Leavenworth Federal Prison. When he got out, he moved to Junction City with his brother and they eventually took over the night.

Anyway, mom headed to the Eleventh and Jefferson Street intersection which was the only block that had a stop sign instead of light. It was a more popular spot for whores and Cassie had been known to frequent it. Since she blazed into the town her reputation grew just like any good whore and Cassie knew how to do it all, just like her mother.

In and out of cars and Hocus-Pocus nods Cassie went, for hours until a purple Cadillac with gold rims drove under the East Sixth Street Bridge hoe stroll blasting Rick James music out the window. Cassie sat on the corner bench nodding with another whore after getting her fix. The car stopped in front of them and a loud young dude popped his head out. She didn't feel like going so she pushed on the shoulder of the other whore to motion her toward the car.

"Say bitch," spoke the passenger. "How about you get in with us?"

"Who you talking too?" asked the whore.

"I'm talking to you bitch," he said pointing at Cassie.

"Get in for what?" she asked.

"Quit playin' around bitch. You know for what!" said the driver. Cassie stood up and stumbled with her hands on her hips.

"Slow your roll playboy or I won't be going any place but to get my pistol. Now speak to me with some respect!" she demanded.

"How much you gonna charge for both of us?"

"What y'all want?"

"I want some pussy," shouted the driver.

"All I want is a blowjob baby," replied the passenger. Cassie stepped to the passenger's side of the car and checked the backseat for any other people.

"It'll be fifty dollars for a blowjob and one hundred dollars for a straight fuck, no anal. Y'all got the money?"

"Get in," said the driver.

The money passed from driver to passenger then into her hand. The other whore got up and walked off as Cassie opened the car door. Once she got in the back seat, they drove around the block and parked on a side street and pulled out some black tar. Cassie perked up when she saw it. That black tar was better than that powdered Hocus-Pocus and she wanted a fix.

"Let's negotiate a fair trade off. We'll get you fixed up and you let us do whatever we want to you," propositioned the driver.

They took out a syringe and Cassie pulled up her skirt.

Back at home I sat on the porch with June and Sandy, while Chris and Monty sat on the stairs. We were listening to the hip hop hour on 91.9 FM while watching some neighborhood kids play hide and seek. It was a calm and boring scene.

"How come we're just sitting around watching everybody else?" asked Chris as he ate on a squashed cupcake that was pulled from his pocket. Monty had also become restless and started hopping up and down the stairs on one leg until a black '69 Mercury Marauder pulled up to the curb. We all stopped and stared when the car door opened and out popped Red and Shoe.

"Red?" we shouted in question.

He strutted over to the porch with Shoe behind him.

"Don't ask me no questions, and I'll tell you no lies," he said smoothly. Our faces were puzzled as he burst into laughter. "Damn! Y'all act like y'all ain't ever seen a person drive before," he continued laughing. Without saying another word, we all ran to the car ready to ride out.

"Whose car is this?" asked Chris.

"Don't you worry, fat boy. Yo' momma gave me permission to drive," he joked.

Shoe stood watching our jovial attitudes and I thought about his handicap. At that moment I sympathized with his loss. If I had a choice to lose a sense it'd be taste because the world doesn't operate to heavy on it. But he didn't have a choice. Red told me his impairment was congenital and he never could hear. I wondered if he did have a choice would he want to hear.

"Let's go for a ride Red," I said discarding my thoughts.

"That's why I came over here, Oscar. I was gonna take you out and show you some real street life. Whatcha think?"

"I can dig that," I replied.

"Where'd your mom and Hank run off to?"

"They're out doing their thing so let's go," I said gladly.

Chris stuffed the remainder of the cupcake in his mouth, wiped his hands on his pants then jumped in the car behind the girls but Monty couldn't go. His parents made it clear to him that he wasn't roaming the streets while he lived in their house. So, we pushed on without him as I got myself up front. We were all smiles as Red buckled his seatbelt and sped off.

The radio station played soulful music from Keith Sweat's new album as the wind blew through the rolled down windows. Chris bobbed his head and snapped his fingers singing to June and Sandy, while Shoe stared out the window. Red was in his gangster lean to the left, with his right wrist resting on the steering wheel. I was envious at how Red possessed the Marauder, cutting corners and hitting dips smoothly. At that point I knew I wanted and needed my own car. "Where'd you learn to drive?" I asked.

"Believe it or not, my pops taught me so I could walk down to the Uptown Lounge and drive his drunken ass home each night. Now that's a real driver's education course."

His words were soft spoken and I was speechless as we got closer to downtown. The streetlights were illuminating. Cars were parked on both sides of the streets in front of bars and strip clubs. Bass pounding music could be heard and felt from other cars blocks away. I saw the older pimps dressed in slacks and short sleeved shirts unbuttoned with their chest hairs or gold chains showing. Their classic Stacy Adam's completed their outfit while the younger pimps dressed completely different. They wore Nike or Adidas jogging outfits with Bermuda or Tropic Kangol hats tilted to either side, reminding me of a young L.L. Cool J. My mood dropped from excited to blah at the familiarity of the scene. It made me think of Pam, my dad and Detroit. I wanted to go home.

"Welcome to Junction City's other side Oscar. This is where it's at after dark, man. Nothing but money and trouble out here and I love it," Red stated euphorically.

We drove under the speed limit down Washington Street blending in amongst the other creatures of the night. Shoe laid his head back on the seat and closed his eyes while we were all out the windows yelling obscenities and whistling at the whores. June and Sandy included. I think they yelled the most obscenities.

"Hey baby! How much for a blowjob?" shouted Chris to one whore.

"Boy, don't nobody want to put their mouth on that little thing you call a dick Chris," snapped Sandy.

We were all surprised to hear the loosening of her tongue because Sandy usually didn't use vulgar language. She hardly cursed and always used correct grammar from what I recalled. I guess she's a good girl who couldn't wait to go bad. The way she spoke to Chris sounded as if she had been practicing her slang and street attitude in a mirror because it came out so naturally.

"Yeah, well, you better hope I don't see yo momma out here. She owes me one," Chris snapped back weakly.

"Alright y'all, calm down. We're about to ride to the Blue Milk café so keep cool," Red requested.

We drove down Eleventh Street and Red honked his horn at a whore standing on the corner. She waved at him with a smile so he pulled over without hesitation. It was hard to see her face from afar but her body was pleasing to the eye. Actually the whores didn't get me excited because I always thought about my mom and sister.

"Hey bitch," he said cagey while hanging out the window.

The whore switched her ass over to the car smacking on gum and holding her purse.

"Hello handsome, aren't you kinda young to be driving'?" she asked.

"Naw baby, I'm old enough to do it all."

She rested herself on his window and I'd say she wasn't that pretty for a whore. However considering the fact any female could sell pussy, looks didn't matter I thought laughing immaturely to myself. I didn't want to burst into laughter and ruin his moment so I sat quiet and listened to Red tuning his game. We all gave him our full undivided attention.

"What kind of party are y'all looking for? I see you got some young poontang in there already," she jested.

Now this whore was dazzling me with her off- beat humorous slang and I tried to keep from laughing aloud but she was too funny.

"Yeah, you can say that but they don't know what to do with the dick yet. That's why I brought them to you," he replied attentively.

The whore poked out her lips and darted for Red's face. I was actually stunned because his nasty ass was about to kiss her. I still call it the grossest yet funniest encounter of my life. Their tongues slid in, out and all around each other's mouths then she sucked on his tongue like a leech. It was squeamish enough for June to irately call Red "the nastiest motherfucker in Junction City" and meant it. Of course it was funny. On top of it all Sandy enjoyed it.

"Do you want me to teach them something like that?" asked the whore with a seductive voice that would never match her face.

Red reclined his seat and put both hands on the steering wheel when the purple Cadillac pulled up behind us.

"Shit! I think we got trouble y'all. It's Phil and France," alarmed Red.

We all turned around looking out the back window curiously.

"Who're they?" I asked.

"Nobody I wanted to see. They're my uncles, still sour about their brother's death. These guys really want to hurt us, been wanting to for years now," he replied.

The whore backed away from the car and walked in the other direction when the back door of the Cadillac opened. Another whore was dumped out onto the street followed by a man stepping over her body. He was zipping up his pants while walking toward the car. Shoe stared at Red with a disappointed gaze.

"Everybody just chill out," Red told us.

His words were ineffective because we were all totally freaked by this man now looking into the car.

"What are you out here doin' out here and who's car is this? Are you spending that insurance money boy?" he asked bitterly.

I could see the gun in his belt as did Red and everybody else.

"We were just heading home, that's all France."

"Seems like you goin in the wrong direction. Who else you got in here?"

Phil approached from the other side and started pounding on the roof of the car with his hand. He looked inside and saw Shoe sitting in the passenger seat so he reached in and grabbed for his neck. Shoe dodged away quickly when Sandy clawed at Phil's arm. Chris became paralyzed with fear as Phil started reaching for him. Before another word was spoken, Shoe opened his door, knocking Phil down then darted out into the street.

"Shoe!" Red yelled trying to reach out and grab him.

The whole scene was chaotic and all I wanted was to get out of here.

"What's wrong with you Red? Get the fuck outta here!" yelled June.

We were all in agreement.

"Come here, boy!" shouted Phil as he got up chasing after Shoe.

Red jumped out the car but was grabbed by France.

"Now don't you go runnin' off too," he said holding onto his arm.

"Man, we better get outta here," Chris cried.

"Yeah, I'm with you," replied Sandy anxiously.

Without a second thought I slid into the driver's seat, threw the gear in drive and pressed the gas pedal while sharply turning the steering wheel. The car started spinning out of control and I began to panic then slammed on the breaks. The car stopped and our headlights shined directly on the Cadillac where the whore still laid in the street of which nobody had taken notice.

"Let me go, France. I gotta get my brother!"

"Don't worry about' him. Phil will get him."

I got out the car when I heard horns honking and tires screeching down the street. People screamed as a crowd started to develop. Phil came back to France, panting and breathing hard.

"Let's go, France. The little fucker got hit!"

France let go of Red's arm and raced away with Phil. Their car did a U-turn in the street and sped off. Red ran into the night toward the crowd before any of us could get out and follow. Sandy and June followed shortly after getting out and Chris ran in the opposite direction. By the time the others got to the crowd, Red had shoved his way into the center. Shoe lay with his eyes open and head resting in a small puddle of blood. Red dropped to his knees, picked up his brother and cradled him. Sirens blared throughout the night but there was nobody to be saved.

Fate met with me that night as well. The whore that lay face down when I walked over and shook her gave no response. When I turned her over my insight was right and unfortunately for me, the whore was Cassie. Her body was cold, lips were bluish colored and her pupils were extremely small like a pinpoint. She was dead apparently and hopefully from an overdose.

I got up early the next morning and sat on the front porch. The sun was rising as the dew settled. Robins chirped and played in the three feet tall stone birdbath. Squirrels chased each other up the trees worry free and the wind breezed easily by. I wasn't sure whether to go over Red's house or wait for him to come by here. We were all grieving.

Mom came out the house shortly after drinking a cup of coffee. Her hair was pulled back in a ponytail. She was casually dressed in a pair of blue jeans, tennis shoes and a sweater. It was the plainest I had seen her dressed in a while.

"You're up early baby."

She sounded sincere while affectionately rubbing my cheek with her smooth backhand. Mom dropped a bag and sat down next to me. I looked at her shaking my head with disappointment. That bag looked familiar, her vibe felt similar to mine but the clothes she wore gave it all away.

"What's the matter?" she asked.

Her question flustered me on top of her rotten behavior toward my own feelings and Cassie's. I felt unimportant and powerless. Maybe this is how Cassie really felt when she told me about parts of her life I hadn't expected to hear. Cassie and I were never that close but that night she showed up, I knew we shared a love and had a common bond with each other.

"I really thought you were serious about helping Cassie. Instead, you encouraged her whoring and Hank didn't help at all. You just keep doing what you want mom...keep doing you," I stressed.

The steam from off her coffee evaporated into the air as did her concern for us once again. Cassie was right. Mom was horrible and didn't care about us. I don't believe I ever gave her the benefit of the doubt.

"What can I say? None of us are perfect Oscar. We all make our own choices and Cassie made hers. I can't be the blame, not all the time. Remember your father taught you, we've all got fault to claim and mountains to climb. And we can't put the blame on anybody else," she reiterated.

"Yeah, but you're her mother! That should mean something to you."

Mom put her arm around me in an effort to console me. I wanted to resist but she pulled me closer.

"Momma's gotta tell you something. First, I'm leaving and you're going to stay and finish school here. After that you're on your own to decide. You father gave me some money before we left and I still have it. Lucky you, I actually opened an account for you at First National Bank and deposited some money."

"I guess it can go toward some flowers for Cassie's funeral because I know you didn't put but a few hundred in there if that," I said sourly.

"Oscar, she wasn't your dad's daughter, she was Hank's. That's why we came here from the beginning. It was my out and he wanted to see his daughter. We were coming here regardless of what happened with your father."

I wasn't confused at all because the bullshit explained itself.

"Mom, what's gone wrong in you?" I said aggravated.

"It's been my choice to do heroin Oscar. That's what went wrong," she answered.

Her downhearted tone hurt as our conversation became weaker by the minute.

"Remember I do love you, regardless."

"I bet you do," I sniffled.

She kissed my lips, got up flinging the bag onto her back then walked off the porch.

"Where are you going, Mom?"

She didn't answer and continued walking up the sidewalk. I yelled at her again with a raspy and choked up voice.

"Mom, where are you going?"

I jumped to my feet and stepped quickly down the stairs yelling. She picked up pace without looking back and marched down the street. From a distance she threw up a hand and waved as I stood speechless. Hank watched from inside the doorway when I turned around and made eye contact with him. He closed the door and I resumed my position on the porch.

The Initiation

It was the last day of school and none of us attended. Instead, we gathered at the park. Red was in a class apart from us as he threw the ball up against the wall silently. June played with a pair of dice, trying to convince Chris to bet against her while Sandy preached in my deaf ears concerning religion and church. I didn't want to hear it.

"Let's play three dice cee-lo for that virginity Sandy. I got ten inches of dick in the bank."

Chris' vulgar interruption of her one-way bible discussion with me got no attention. She ignored him in the most boring way possible by rebuking his lewd remark. He had become more annoying by the day from my perspective. I often wondered how they even dealt with him over the years. Why had nobody kicked his ass yet?

"Do you wanna play a game of handball?" I asked Red.

"Naw, that's alright. What cha got up for the summer, though?" he replied.

"I don't know. I might pimp a few whores," I joked. "What about you?"

He slammed his ball up against the wall one more time before throwing it into the trees.

"I'm working at the Blue Milk café. Uncle Radcliff's got some work."

That surprised me because Red didn't seem to be the working type. Only people I knew who had a job where those who had bills to pay, mainly adults. I must've gotten comfortable with my situation because presently I didn't have much to worry about, especially a job during the summer. But I did entertain the thought.

"What kinda job? Doing what?"

"I might be washing dishes, clearing tables and making deliveries, nothing major."

"I didn't know you were a laborer," I laughed.

"There's a lot of shit you don't know about me," he sighed.

Before I could reply, Chris, Monty and Sandy walked up.

"All I know is that I'm hungry," said Chris.

"Fucking fat boy you're always hungry," ridiculed Red.

Our attitudes had become less tolerant of each other. I guess seasons really changed people too. Minor misunderstandings and smart remarks could easily lead to discord amongst us at any moment. It felt like we were being forced to choose. Live and let die seemed all too real to me now.

"Do you even know when your stomach is satisfied or should I say 'full' Chris?" Sandy asked sympathetically.

"Anyway, fuck this. Let's go over to the Blue Milk café. I'll buy us all some breakfast," offered Red.

Chris rubbed his stomach in agreement. Monty, June and Sandy followed behind Red as he headed to his car.

"Y'all go ahead. I've got something else going on," I said easily steering away from the group.

"Oh shit! Check him out!" Red yelled.

I waved him off with a subtle smile and walked home. Within twenty minutes I made it inside the house and sat on the couch where Hank was sitting, watching ESPN and smoking a joint. He didn't try to hide much after Cassie died and mom left. Hank wasn't the same person from over a year ago. Neither of us were new to death but he felt it creeping more so by his doorstep.

"Can I talk to you Hank?"

He rested back on the couch, blowing weed smoke out of his nose.

"What's on your mind Oscar, love, life or money?"

"It would be girls Hank."

"You mean bitches?" He said fondly lifting his eyebrows and passed me the joint. "How much do I know about them?" he teased.

"I'm serious Hank."

"Okay, okay. How old is she?"

"Seventeen but that's not the issue at this point."

I took another hit off the joint and passed it back.

"Let me tell you about bitches Oscar. They ain't shit. Now if you find a woman, a woman worth your time, let her choose you. Don't be out there choosing them. That's what they want, either some sucker-ass dude to come along wearing a fucking cape around his neck, pretending to be a hero or a nigga with some money. Now, the hero is gonna take the bullet or an ass-whipping and the nigga with the money is going to buy her whatever she wants. Those are the two types of niggas a woman's looking for. My advice to you is don't take a bullet for no woman and don't spend what you can't get back from her ass either. If she wants you, it's only temporary until she chooses another, just like you're going to want someone else. I'm just telling you don't give a shit about them because they don't give a shit about you. I keep my weed under the couch any time you want to smoke," he pointed before going into the kitchen.

I picked up the cordless receiver and dialed her number.

"Hi Leticia, it's me Oscar. How was school?"

"Half-day, you know the drill. Can you come over?" she asked playfully.

"What time?"

"Anytime, my parents won't be home from work until after six o'clock. I've got the house to myself right now."

"Word, I'll catch the bus and be there in about 15 minutes. Bye."

Hank patted me on the back as I hung up the phone.

"That's some good weed, huh Oscar?" he laughed. "It's hydroponic."

Hank gave me a joint from out of his pocket then went back into the living room.

"I'm going over my friend's house. I'll be back," I told him.

The bus stopped at the corner of Skyline Street. Leticia was standing right there alongside her ten-speed bike waiting. Since we met she's been calling me, beating conversation into my ear. I didn't tell anybody how hard she was jocking me, so she could keep her respectable reputation. But school's out now and I could've cared less nowadays, especially what somebody else had to say about me.

We got to her house and she put her bike on the porch. When I stepped inside she took my hand and led me through the house. The living room was alive with tropical plants and a retro couch with loveseat. Their flooring was classic pinewood connected to a marble fireplace embedded in their east wall. The dining room held an eight-person dinner table covered with a laced cream-colored tablecloth and a chandelier with candle shaped light bulbs, dimmed to soft. Leticia wrapped her arms around my waist and whispered in my ear.

"Do you want to see my room now?"

She continued to lead me by the hand past the staircase and back into the front foyer then opened another door leading downstairs. Leticia pulled a string that turned on the lights as I followed her into another living room that had a maroon leather sectional, big screen television, a refrigerator and microwave on the countertop. The walls were covered with pictures of rappers and singers torn out of a magazine.

"This is your room?"

"No. This is the lounge. Now let me show you my room."

I walked down the short hallway into a small room full of stuffed animals, sitting on a queen size bed. Leticia threw herself on the bed, swimming in a sea of stuffed animals. I sat down on the recliner and pulled out the joint and lit it. Then Leticia sat up and started throwing her stuffed animals at me.

"I just love my room," she shouted. "Oscar, I've been thinking."

"Uh huh," I answered while toking and choking off the marijuana.

"We're out of school now and I think I'm ready."

"Tell me what you're ready for Leticia."

"You know," she smiled deviously tilting her head sideways like a curious puppy. "I wanna fuck."

I wasn't sure what to say but knew what I felt while putting out the joint. Leticia must've been having mixed feelings about our friendship. She pulled me over to the bed (not like I tried to stop her) and guided her lips to mine. I closed my eyes when our lips and breaths touched. My hands pressed against her breast and it was going good until she pushed me off.

"I don't think I'm ready for this Oscar," she paused.

The atmosphere became awkward, confusing and embarrassing until Leticia reached out and rubbed my dick. I hadn't been touched like that by anyone beside myself. She stood up, pressed her body against mine and started unbuttoning my pants but I stopped her.

"I can't do this with you Leticia. You aren't ready."

Leticia flopped down on her bed frustrated and curled up to a large stuffed brown bear.

"Are you fucking serious Oscar? I just wanted you to be my first," she cried.

I sat on the bed and kissed her forehead before relighting my joint. We had shared ideas over the phone of what a first sexual experience could be like, but not with each other. Leticia told me she wanted the person to treat her as delicate fabric. She would give him complete control of the experience and allow him to make the choice. Whether her first time was remembered or forgotten. I didn't want to take advantage of our friendship and her weakness, even though we kissed and fondled each other. Leticia enjoyed teasing too much for me to have sex with her. Fortunately I wasn't in a taking mood, although my initial intentions were bad, her innocence would have to be taken by somebody else, not me.

Clouds formed quickly as the wind blew harder over Belle Isle. Sprinkles of rain dropped as people raced off the beach heading for the shelter of their vehicles. Thunder rumbled as the sun disappeared behind the darkness of the clouds. The once soft sprinkles had now become hard pellets and lightning streaked across the sky accompanied by more rumbles of thunder. I snatched up the beach towels while yelling for Red and Leticia. The rain came down harder as we scrambled across the wet sandy beach to the ride.

"I was about to leave y'all," I told them patiently.

"I'm sorry you waited. We'll try and be slower next time," replied Leticia sarcastically.

It had been over a year since I've been home and it hadn't changed. I decided to visit when Hank bought me a used 1988 Jeep Cherokee. I brought Red along, apart from the fact he was now dating Leticia who chose him the next day after our fondling session. She must've not been used to rejection.

Our trip across the mid-west could've been considered crazy. First, I left Junction City and Leticia at the gas station. Then I got a ticket for driving down a one way going back to get her. Red forgot his travel money (on purpose I'm sure). Lastly, they fucked in the back of the jeep. All that happened within the first one hundred miles of the trip. However, all fourteen hours on the road were worth every leg cramping minute to get here. I'm sure Pam will be delighted to see me as much as I am in meeting her new man Noble. Our long distance teenage love relationship didn't make it after three months but we stayed friends. She even told me how they met. He helped her off the Lodge freeway after her engine locked up. Noble even called and paid for a tow truck. It's hard to say but Pam loved a guy's personality more than his body or looks except me. That meant she probably would fall for anybody.

Red and Leticia buckled their seatbelts as I sped down Picnic Way. The rain pounded down endlessly on the car and flooded East Grand Blvd before I took a left onto East Jefferson Avenue then onto the Lodge freeway. The rain didn't bother me but made them nervous wanting me to pull over but not today. I was home and driving the streets of Detroit like the mailman, in any type weather or like the metro bus driver who made it appear too easy. It took us exactly thirty three minutes to trek through the watered down streets and arrive at Pam's apartment. Her parents didn't approve of their relationship. Noble was already married with four kids and a recent graduate from Wayne State University. Even though he was twelve years older it didn't detour her. Pam still went against her parents by choosing to leave and live with him.

I parked and cut the car off then we dashed out through the rain then inside the foyer of the apartment complex. Red and Leticia huddled together like two wet abandoned orphans and I shook off the rain like a stray dog refreshed and cleansed. I pressed Pam's apartment number button and the security buzzer alerted us to enter the building. We took the elevator to the seventh floor to be met by Pam's excited scream.

True it had been a long while and she was still my good friend. So, it should have been only right for me to tell her she put on a few extra pounds and needed a new hair style. She was still wearing the Salt-n-Peppa style. We did the typical hug, smile and introductions before following Pam's overly excited self into her place and there sat Noble.

Naturally I wasn't impressed yet not surprised that Pam would've gotten with an older man. She had always wanted a man with readily available money. At this present time I'm not equipped like that for her. That was another reason why our relationship didn't last. I couldn't provide for her, whether near or from a distance and that's where he came in. Noble wore a well-shaped three inch afro with a neatly trimmed beard to match and his body was in shape. Pam walked over and clutched his arm securely squeezing and smiling extra hard.

"Baby, this is Oscar and that's his cousin Red and their friend Leticia. Everybody this is my man Noble."

I shook his hand sullenly. Pam caught my attitude and interrupted the handshake but that didn't bother me at all. Fuck the guy.

"Y'all come on in and get comfortable on my new sectional. Noble bought me it and this big screen TV," she bragged.

Pam was really making me bite my tongue. Red and Leticia coupled up on the couch while Pam sat with Noble and I sat on the ottoman.

"How's summer vacation?" asked Noble indirectly.

I didn't answer too quickly, unwilling to entertain his conversation because my desire was to speak with Pam. I was a bit jealous. She was too captivated by Noble though, staring at him like gold was going to fall out his mouth whenever he spoke. Red noticed her admiration of Noble and my frustration then intercepted the question.

"I'll tell you that at this minute I could die happy and if I were to find a connection out here I'd be even happier," answered Red with seriousness.

"I can make it all happen for you," replied Noble in the same manner.

Pam picked up the remote control turning the channel to Yo' MTV Raps. Ironically Slick Rick's "Teenage Love" video was playing. We weren't but seventeen and already traveling, sexing, getting high and now Pam's living with a married man. This is the life. Yeah right.

"Oh I forgot there's some White Castle's on the stove if y'all get hungry," offered Pam.

"We appreciate it and when you and Noble come out to Junction City, I'll make sure y'all get the best also," Red smiled.

"We'll be out for your graduation next year Oscar, for sure," she replied.

"Noble. What do you do for work? Pam said you just graduated." Red curiously asked.

"I've got a degree in Business Management. Now I'm trying to start my own company."

"What type?" he asked with true interest.

"The type that's well organized and I'm calling it The Noble Group. I can always use some fresh ideas too."

Red has been coming around the house more often talking with Hank. We would watch MTV, ESPN or the news and smoke some weed. Then he and Hank would go out to the gazebo, play chess and talk square business. Red was ready to show his craft. I knew he would when the opportunity presented itself.

Anyway, my attention was still aimed toward Pam. We hadn't had a good face-to-face talk in so long due mostly to distance. Plus, I couldn't see myself believing her words over the phone. I needed to see and hear see her speak the truth.

Pam sat by my side, held my hand and told me she heard Cassie had my dad killed over stolen drugs and money. That's the word on the street and they say the Y.B.I.'s are looking for her because they think she stole the money from dad. I guess they didn't find out that my mom got it. I decided to tell her that Cassie had passed away but not from an overdose. Instead, I told her Cassie was riding with a drunk driver while hitchhiking out to California and they crashed, dying instantly. Pam hugged me and offered her condolence.

"Here you go, eat something. It'll make you feel better" interrupted Red holding a cheeseburger. Leticia ate about six burgers then licked her fingers clean. Noble put the remaining food into the fridge and the dishes in the washer. I pondered if his wife missed him at home or if he was using Pam or am I getting really jealous because she has a man. I needed fresh air so we attempted to take our conversation out on the balcony.

"Thank you for the food," Leticia told her as we were stepping out.

"Pleasure's all mine. Make yourself comfortable. Noble show them to one of the guest rooms please."

Pam rested her head on my shoulder and sighed. We'd been friends so long but just like Cassie she seemed so far gone.

"I just up and moved when he asked me to get this apartment. He told me we could see each other whenever and I could just live here and not pay no rent or nothing. Oscar, I made the choice to drop out and got my GED, but I did enroll at the technical college. I'm taking a medical transcription course and I should be done around the same time you graduate. Noble thought it was a good idea too, but you know what my parents thought. Bump that because I'm old enough to make my own decisions. You feel me?"

I didn't bother to interrupt as she spoke on how Noble was getting a divorce because he found out none of the kids were his. Also, his wife was using him to support her boyfriend who actually fathered the kids. They were all dependent upon him.

It sounded like a big mess and she was washed all in it like a soap opera. I motioned her off my shoulder and stood up to view the city. I loved it here because anything was possible but Junction City made everything seem possible.

"I can't believe you'd quit school and even though I could I'm not. I got a six year plan to get it on and cracking, ya dig." I was feeling my environment and it felt good. "You can do the medical thing, I'm doing this school and when I get my degree in something then I'm on to the next one."

Without arguing Pam agreed to disagree. I didn't care what she felt about my plans, hell I shouldn't have told her anyway. She might want to hate on me and hold me back like I didn't need college. Shit, I know I need an education first and not a job at seventeen. I'm riding this goat the way I want right now.

"Where's your mom at?" she asked.

"I don't know. I haven't heard from her. She might be out here, maybe Vegas, Miami or New York. Wherever it's jumping she's probably there living it up."

"Is that why you came here, to look for her?"

"Yeah possibly, plus I wanted to see you and the old neighborhood and to see if I could find my way home. There were plenty of places I could've gone but I admit this was the first place I chose."

I held back regretful tears and turned to Pam who was now ridiculing me.

"What do you want from me Oscar? We're almost grown. Hell we are. Shit, we're own our own already. I can only do what I can and if I can help you by any reasonable means, I will." Pam offered all she had to give me as a friend. We talked for a few more minutes before going back in.

"When are y'all leaving?"

"We'll head out in a couple days. That'll give me time to rest and them time to get their freak on, that's all they seem to do."

I wondered whether Red and Leticia ever talked or not as I made way to my room. Of course it had to have a twin bed I laughed and changed into my night clothes. Then I lay across the bed with thoughts of my family and friends. They seemed to be losing comparison.

Before long, I closed my eyes thinking about Pam and how we never had sex but that was about to change in my mind as I started jerking off.

The next morning I sat on up on my bed and decided to go by my old house. I expected her to have come back home if no place else. The only way she knew to solve her problems were to run from them. Mom knew Hank wouldn't come looking for her now that Cassie was gone. She also said he'd never be satisfied either.

"What time does the fireworks display begin?" Leticia asked me.

Her head was poked through my door. She had no consideration of privacy and whether I was sleep or not. So, I didn't answer her ass and lay back down covering my head with the pillow. That only made her more determined to aggravate me.

"Did you hear me Oscar?" she spoke softly then slammed the door hard before sprinting back to her room. I heard Red laughing aloud. I guess he thought I might find that shit to be funny. So, I walked over to their room and stood in the open doorway. Red was laid up in his boxers next to Leticia who had no clothes on or covering. She was totally exposed and yes she was worth the extra second or two look. I didn't cover my eyes because she didn't cover up like Red kept telling her and I kept staring. I know she wanted me to see.

"Damn y'all. Why can't I just be free to be me?" Leticia objected. She grabbed the bed sheet off the floor and slung it around herself while I sat on the lounge chair.

"I wouldn't put your face on that Oscar. Leticia had her ass all over it. I don't think you want her ass in your face according to her," he mocked with laughter. I'm sure she must've told him I turned her down. Oh well, I wasn't putting my face in it anyway. "You might be comfortable hanging from the lights because we done did it all over this room. Let me tell you.... all over this room."

"I guess you got to fuck where you can. I mean there's nothing wrong with that." I told him.

"Nope, it's not. I'm just enjoying all of what God put here on this earth. All that's good for me to have I'll have. Isn't that what it says in the bible? Eat, drink and be merry right?"

"What the hell are you talking about?" I asked him shaking my head confused.

Red waved me off and picked up a joint off the nightstand, lit it then passed it around. He climbs over Leticia out the bed and walked over to the window, opening the curtains and exposed the rain falling heavily once again as it did the day before.

"It's the 4th of July and I can't believe it's fucking raining!" I said surprisingly.

"I could've gone with my parent's on vacation to California instead this bullshit," Leticia complained. I looked at her unsure of why she would've chosen this trip instead of with her parents. What the hell was she thinking?

"Don't start that shit Leticia please," Red calmly replied. I didn't say anything else leaving out and into the living room where Pam and Noble were already sitting reading the Free Press. I spoke an innocent hello to her and she replied with a flirtatious hi. Noble gave me a friendly hello and offered the sports section of the newspaper.

"Oscar, my mom invited us over to watch the fireworks from her office in the Renaissance Center."

I agreed because there couldn't be a better view for the night.

"Pam, remember I've got a meeting with my wife and lawyer today. It's signing day and then I'm a free agent again," Noble rejoiced.

I don't know what lawyers are working on this holiday. But if he says so, it must be possible. And I don't know what his wife looks like either, but he's really excited about losing her. With them kids that aren't his, I guess Noble really can celebrate Independence Day today.

"Good morning Pam, Noble," said Leticia walking in with Red.

"It's about time you two got up. Y'all aren't the quiet type either," she replied bashfully.

"Sometime you just have to answer natures call Pam. You know what I mean Noble?" Red jested.

"Tell me something I don't know," replied Noble.

"Is there going to be a firework's display tonight if it rains?" Leticia whined.

"Hell yeah, along with a performance by the group Guy and The Gap Band," Pam reassured her.

"Them fine ass brothers be jammin' and I most definitely want to see them groove me," Leticia danced. "Red we need to be there early so I can get a good seat or spot to stand close to the stage."

"Yeah girl, so put on your best miniskirt because you're gonna be the baddest bitch there. They gonna be like damn," Red bragged.

"It's time for me to go," announced Noble as he kissed Pam then left.

Pam told me he was stupid for allowing himself to get played and thought he was a sucker.

"Noble actually had second thoughts about divorcing his wife?" laughed Pam.

"Shit. He would've been crazy. Those kids aren't even his," I replied.

"Well I don't plan on living the married life," Red stated before leaving out the room behind Pam.

"Sounds like your ex is living the good life Oscar," teased Leticia.

"Let me tell you. The longer she stays with him the more she'll want me," I replied, not sure which emotion I felt for Pam but I knew I still wanted her.

"Where the hell is Red?"

"I think in the bathroom," I answered. Within seconds Leticia is pulling on my neck with one hand attempting to kiss me while her other hand is guiding my hand to her chest.

"Stop girl! I'm not even trying to deal with you right now."

"Alright, then be ready because if you don't want me Red sure enough takes my ass already."

"Walk your ass to your room before I kick it Leticia and I ain't playin' with you right now."

My tolerance level was low and my sex drive in high gear but there was no cockpit to sit in. I was becoming more frustrated as I took my towel and walked to the bathroom door.

Pushing the door open, letting the steam rush out and there stood Red with Pam. It was awkward silence until I closed the door and went back to my room. Red came out only to be greeted by Leticia on her way in and Pam on her way out. It was pure humor how the morning started. I'm just confused at how they even hooked up.

"I thought you were taking a shower?" Leticia whined to Red. I sat on my bed and laughed at Red yelling back.

"I was and Pam decided to join me. I couldn't deny the hostess."

He's such a gentleman is all I could say. I opened my door in time to see Leticia's door quickly shut. Red and Pam went back into the bathroom. That's when I decided to go into Leticia's room and there she lay on the bed. I know Pam is only doing this to upset me and I shouldn't let it. But, I didn't expect Leticia to get upset at Red. She should've known he's very arrogant and would've tried to fuck Pam anyway. Whether Noble was there or not. He's just that wild and brainlessly insane. I can't blame him for anything.

Pam wasn't too different than him. She acted on impulse and emotions while I maintained and contained mine. We were all young, attractive and always considered ourselves available. That leaves all our options open. I probably should've come alone but then I might have really slept with Pam. Lucky me, I guess as I opened Leticia's door.

"Now you changed your mind?" Leticia smiled tenderly. Obviously she wasn't ready for my aggression because she found herself giving me head before the door shut. I was inside her doing it my way, the way I wanted at that moment. My hands cupped her breast as my mouth followed sucking upon her nipples. I was completely aroused at the sight of our bodies attached. I rested between her legs briefly then fell deep inside her, hitting the bottom with a climatic impact. Minutes later I walked out her bedroom and headed to my own. Just then Red opens my door to tell me he had sex with Pam, like it was more my concern than Leticia's. Afterward, Red went into their room and Leticia had her bags packed ready to leave. He started to speak and she slapped him but she wasn't prepared for his reaction as he belted her with his fist. Leticia's head jerked back and her knees buckled then she dropped to the floor. Red stood his naked body over her as she slowly got up. He raised his hand at her again then pounded another fist into her face before I ran in and stopped his attack. Leticia took the opportunity to retaliate while I had him restrained. She extended her leg into his ball sack then I let him go. I didn't expect her to do that and I know he wouldn't let it slide either. Red squirmed around clutching his sack then Leticia fell on him, throwing hooks and jabs to his face and body.

"How you like this muthafucker!" she cried. I stepped back and let her kick his ass until she felt she was done. Leticia was surprised that I stood by and allowed her to bruise him. Actually she looked like she had some frustration to release. Plus, I really don't get involved in couple's quarrels. It's not safe because they can both turn on you, whether you're trying to help or not.

"Oscar, you just gonna let her beat on him?" asked Pam.

She had now decided to come out the bathroom. I told her I wasn't going to stop Leticia. It was her apartment and I was only a guest. Pam could've shown me some appreciation and respect by not fucking my cousin. They were fighting because she had fucked her boyfriend. It was better they fought then Red and myself.

"You're a punk ass muthafucker Red! If I wanted to be hit on, I could've stayed my ass at home. Don't try this shit no more."

Leticia got up and shifted her weight to one side and put her hand on her hip.

"Are we still going to the festival?" she asked breathing heavily.

I closed my eyes quickly, placing my hand over my face and smothered my laughter.

"I got my clothes on the bed ready to go," answered Pam breaking the silence. There was now some calm to the room before Red decided to get up. I figured we could enjoy ourselves tonight and forget about this morning. Our attempt was going good until Leticia started getting into her feelings. She tried to cover her tears but continued with the sniffling. I guess she actually liked him. I know women can't always lose it over a guy, because they don't care if we stay or go. She should have known not to get involved with him. He had a reputation and not a good one either. Leticia thought she could change him into a more approachable guy. I thought he was cool all the time, just a bit rude with an intentionally bad side. She was bound to get treated fucked up on any given day with him. It didn't matter because she was delirious thinking he gave a shit about her or anybody else.

The Indoctrination

The café was at capacity. Uncle Radcliff decided to advertise his rib dinner special on Power 94.5fm and Red was one of the busboys swerving around the crowd. Customers stood in line anxiously waiting their turn to order. Every seat in the place was taken including the bar. Red came through the swinging kitchen doors and set the bucket down. I was coming in from emptying the trash. We both clocked out then went to Uncle Radcliff's office, to collect our paychecks. I was actually anticipating this day, because it was my first legitimate dollar. We sat calmly as Uncle Radcliff opened his desk drawer pulling out two checks and set them on the desktop.

"Here's your paycheck Oscar."

Uncle Radcliff slid my check across the desk. I looked at it then back at him.

"Is this for two weeks' worth of work at six dollars and hour?" I asked puzzled.

"Shit, you only worked twenty hours a week Oscar. What did you expect?" he replied.

"I know you can do better than this Uncle Radcliff. That two hundred dollars isn't enough these days and your cheap ass knows it," Red ranted.

This is why it's hard to work for another person and enjoy the fruits of our labor I thought. We labor more in life than enjoy it. This can't be the way out, not at these wages because nobody would ever make it out. Who can survive or feed kids with this pay?

"Thanks Uncle Radcliff, you cheap slave driver. This'll be just enough to fill my gas tank and buy a large pizza," said Red rudely.

I gave up forty hours of my time at this place and all I get is two hundred dollars. After taxes I ain't got shit. It felt like I had been purposely taken advantage of by the system, in some unjust way. Now I see why a lot of people cut corners. This didn't seem economically smart on my behalf to be here.

"Go ahead now, speak your mind Red. Then I'll tell you what I've heard."

Uncle Radcliff kept a cool demeanor and spoke to him smoothly.

"I'll speak it and tell you, I've been doing more than cleaning off tables Uncle Radcliff. I'm taking a risk and you know it! Now, what have you heard about me?"

I wasn't exactly sure what risk he might be taking. It had nothing to do with me, so I casually sat and listened. After all I was family.

"I hear you've been sniffing coke and smoking primos with one of these whore's out here. Does that sound about right?"

Red slouched down in the chair because Junction City news traveled fast.

"Who told you that?" he asked.

"The whore did you dumb fuck!" infuriated Uncle Radcliff. "That's how high you've been getting. And telling all your damn business," he continued. "If that whore didn't belong to Hank, your little ass would've been set up, robbed and killed. It's been short but you're done," he stated. "Y'all listen closely. I've been co-owner and operator of the Blue Milk café' alongside my brother Hank since we bought it. A lot of wrong was done to get it, even though it seemed right for us to get here. Now don't feed me bullshit."

Red sat shaking his head before replying and I still didn't have a word to say.

"I'll bring you what I owe and we can call this job over?"

Red's suggestion was fair. We stood up and headed out the door while Uncle Radcliff sat back in his recliner lighting a cigarette.

"Fat bastard," mumbled Red as he bumped customers standing innocently in line, while he charged out the door.

Outside waited Sandy, Monty and Chris on the hood of Red's black 1990 Honda Accord. He bought it brand new last week. His side hustle was going good from what I could tell. Especially after seeing how much he was getting paid from the café. There was no way he could afford anything from what we just got paid today.

"It's about time y'all came out," shouted Sandy.

"Man, get the fuck off my car before I kick someone's ass!"

They all got off slowly seeing he wasn't in a joking mood.

"Where the hell you moochers come from? Y'all ain't gettin' a ride," he said shaking his head.

"Why you trippin'?" asked Monty. "I ain't walking my ass in this heat, Red you got a/c and I'm riding. Fuck that," he said standing by the rear driver side door. Sandy approached Red as he got to the car.

"Can I stay with you tonight, baby? And don't play with my feelings Red. I need to talk to you," she told him cautiously.

"What the fuck? Sandy, I ain't got time to hear this speech on how much you like me girl. I already told you. You ain't no good in the bed and that's why we ain't' doing it again."

He belittled her then ordered us in the car. I jumped in the front and they piled in the back.

"Drop me off at home, Red. I'm supposed to meet Hank and deposit this weak ass check in the bank."

He nodded while bumping music from Ice Cube's latest album "Amerikkka's Most Wanted" then flipped the sun visor down. A joint fell into his lap of which he tossed to me. I picked it up putting it to my lips while pushing in the cigarette lighter. He rolled up the tinted windows and turned on the a/c, right before I sparked the joint. Minutes later we pulled up in front of my house.

"I want you to ride with me later on. Alright," he suggested.

"Cool. Where are you going? Not fucking with whores I hope."

"I'll tell ya later," he answered. "Monty get yo black ass up front" he ordered.

"Naw man, I'm getting out too. I gotta go to class," said Monty following me out.

"What class you taken?" Red laughed.

"I'm in this auto mechanics class my mom paid for. She wants me to have some kind of trade when I graduate. I chose that."

"That's good for you Monty," smiled Sandy as she was about to get into the front seat.

"I'm ridin' shotgun!" yelled Chris. He jumped over the seat into the front quicker than Sandy. That left her in the back and upset. Of course Red didn't rebut Chris' claim. Instead he honked the horn, did a U-turn then sped up the street. Monty walked down Custer Road and I went inside. Hank was smoking a joint, holding the phone and watching ESPN. Highlights of the Detroit Piston's NBA championship were on.

"What's up Oscar? How's that pimpin going?"

"I got an empty stable but that's cool."

"What's cool about that?" He passed me the joint as I fell into the recliner.

"Wanna play chess?" I asked.

"Yeah I don't have much going on, just on hold with my doctor's office," he answered.

"Hi, this is Dr. Graham. Is this Hank Watkins?"

"Yeah, it's me. How's it goin' Doc?"

"I'm good. How have you been feeling?"

"I can't complain."

Dr. Graham chuckled, "Ok, most important. I have the results of your biopsy. Your brain tumor is malignant Hank. But, we can start chemotherapy immediately."

Hank fell silent for a Moment.

"That's okay Doc. Just keep filling my prescriptions and I'll be alright."

Sandy and Chris sat in the car as Red knocked on Leticia's front door. She looked out the window then swung the door open. This is how it's been since we left Detroit. He would come over when her parent's left. She would feed him lunch and he'd feed her dick.

"Hey baby!" she tickled and hugged Red as he stuck his tongue in her mouth while his hands roamed over her body.

"You wanna come in real quick?"

Red whistled to them in the car, signaled with the index finger then went into the house. Her parents were out of town for the day. He was more than comfortable going in. Leticia enjoyed having sex all over the house while they were out and Red never complained either.

"Why are they still riding with you? Especially Sandy's attached ass. She needs to give up already," Leticia griped.

"Don't question who I'm with and don't speak ill about Sandy. Now, get those damn panties off because I only got ten minutes," Red ruffled.

"Alright but you better put a condom on this time, Red."

Seven minutes later, he was back in the ride.

"You're quick as hell dude," said Chris as he sparked another joint.

"Chris you aren't even getting any pussy. How would you know what quick is?" snapped Sandy.

"Pass that joint and quit all that talking about a subject both y'all out the loop on. And Sandy, you got a pussy you don't even know how to use," Red stated rudely.

Chris turned around and blew smoke into Sandy's face before speaking.

"Why are you riding with us anyway? You don't smoke and yo' ass goes to church. What's up with that?"

Sandy didn't reply. She just stared disgusted at Chris. He recently lost thirty pounds and gained more self-confidence, yet still wasn't getting any pussy. Sandy hadn't changed much. She continued to wear her church clothes and preach. Only, she was now having sex with Red. He knew she liked me but damn, being subjected to ridicule for the sake of being wanted. That's fucking crazy.

After turning corners with those two, Red decided to drop them off and hang around some better company. Being around an ass kisser and a low-self esteemed, bible thumper can bring a person down. Later that evening he came over while Hank and I sat on the porch smoking a joint. Our company was more enjoyable.

"What's up Red? Beth told me you moved out and got a place on the east side," Hank mentioned.

"I needed my privacy. She kept getting in my business, so I bounced. She ain't my momma and I'm just a check to her."

"Just be careful in these streets. I've run them for many years and never found love out there." "I'm not looking for love Hank," he replied.

"The streets are cold, heartless and unforgiving Red. Almost like your bottom bitch you leave for a new one. They'll find a way to hurt you, sooner or later."

"I got it, but I don't give a fuck about no bitch. What's up Oscar? Do you wanna ride?"

He got up and brought the joint along passing it to me as he walked off the porch. My decision to ride was out of pure curiosity. Especially after hearing he got his own place. I wasn't the nosiest, yet had a way of casually asking personal questions. Even if people didn't think they were just that...personal.

"Where're Chris and Sandy?"

"I left them at my apartment. They're staying the night with me. You wanna stay?"

"Naw man, I gotta be to work early."

"You like that job, huh? You're basically working for a free plate of food the way he pays."

"It's alright. It burns some free time and yeah I get to eat for free," I laughed.

"Awe, you like to work so come on and work with me. I need a partner and I can trust you." He stated.

"What kinda of money's involved?" I asked.

Red knew there was plenty to be made but I just wanted a round-a-bout figure, something to entice me more.

"You're earning potential is based on your own ambition. It's what you want to make and you make it," he pitched. The concept was solid and sensible. It sold me because I can't make the money I do working for Uncle Radcliff's ass. Not for six dollars an hour and not for forty hours a week. Red makes double my paycheck in one transaction. Hell, he made that in one phone call. All tax free money. In our society, the underground economy consisted of many activities. Red just decided to stick with what sold the most, drugs and sex.

"I'm running my own business with a nice connection and a hefty stable. That bullshit Uncle Radcliff is serving ain't good enough for these streets, Oscar."

"You've been selling dope for Uncle Radcliff Red?"

"Nigga, I've been selling dope and running packages around town since I can remember. The family only sells dope, pussy and food," he boasted. "If you could shoot it, pop it, smoke it, eat it and fuck it, believe the Watkins family would and does sell it. As a matter of fact, Hank is so cold with the game, now he only sells dreams. I'm just using my natural ability to accomplish my goals and live my life. It's in my genes. I was made this way."

"Red, I can tell you I ain't sold any dope before. How can I work with you?" I quizzed.

"All I can say is that you'll have a choice whether you do or don't."

Red proceeded to explain that he heard the streets complaining. Uncle Radcliff's prices are too high and the quality isn't worth the price. He was selling fifty-nine percent purity cocaine at sixty dollars a gram wholesale. Red was going to flood the streets with seventy-five percent at fifty a gram and could make it happen without losing money. The explanation behind the math was too deep to discuss.

"I've got a lackey in majority of the Westside districts. They're ready to set up shop, but none on the Eastside. That's Uncle Radcliff's territory. This is where you come in Oscar."

"You want me to beef with Uncle Radcliff's crew?"

"No Negro, you're gonna deliver his packages to his crew of three," Red mocked.

"Ok. How is that working with you and who's his crew anyway?"

"Damn! How many questions are you gonna ask? Do you wanna make some money or not? Shit!"

"Slow down Red. I'm down with making some money. Now, you need to tone down your voice at the same time," I requested offensively and he respectfully lowered his voice and finished telling me of his part in this pyramid we were about to build.

"After our trip to Detroit, I connected with Noble. He got me a couple of ounces of cocaine for twelve hundred dollars total from his Arab friend out in Dearborn. Not only was the coke good, it was perfect," he said with excitement.

"When'd you go back to Detroit?"

"Listen, this is the genius of it all. I didn't have to go because they sent it to me via the mailman. I wired the money and within two days I had it in my hands. Almost like ordering out of a sales catalog."

"How's delivering his packages going to help you?"

"I'm going to eventually replace his with ours," Red finished. The days of Uncle Radcliff's consignments will be ending soon, he thought. His loyal crew will be mine and the whole city next. Red's sights were set on dominating the streets with no shame, regrets or apologies. His product was higher in quality and lower in price he smiled while riding through the streets. The summer rain fell once again. I twisted another joint to contemplate my choices.

"I got something else to tell you, Oscar. I'm gonna be or supposed to be a father. A man never knows he's the father until the blood test is done."

I passed the joint as he drove down Washington Street ending up parked at the bus station parking lot. Instead of a recapping of the summer, Red told me Sandy was pregnant and he was the father. Fortunately she was a virgin, so I guess there'll be no denying that one. But that didn't make him ready to be a father.

"Leticia told me about you turning down the pussy too. You know that right? But I wasn't surprised," he laughed exhaling smoke. I didn't flinch at the mention of Leticia.

"What are you going to do about Sandy? Has she told her parents?"

He couldn't answer, only shrugging his shoulders and shaking his head in denial. He was momentarily feeling like an immature boy. He needed money but didn't want a job. Red wanted the pussy but not the girlfriend. Well he should've worn a condom because he knows he doesn't don't want the baby. Those were his current woes as a man.

I felt for the Sandy too. A typical girl now has the same responsibilities as a woman when it comes to pregnancy and that's a choice. To birth or abort? However that's not always the case when choosing the father. It's hard to tell which unlucky man is going to become 'baby's Daddy' because sex happens and usually with the wrong person. I however did have an idea of what procreating with the wrong person would be like, thanks to my mom. I can't speak on Sandy's family because I hadn't met them. From what she tells me, her parents are strict. They won't allow her company inside the house yet she's always allowed at Twelfth Street Park. That was stupid. They would've been better off letting her friends in the house, instead of her out. Now she's pregnant and staying at Red's house. They were too scared to monitor her activities. This led me to believe that her parents didn't know who she hung around or most importantly what she's been up to. Now look at her.

The next morning, Red got up early for some morning rails and a primo before Sandy woke up. He sat on the end of the bed and reached under the mattress pulling out cocaine, weed and papers. Then it was off to the bathroom for more privacy. Red put about a gram of cocaine on the edge of the sink, chopped it into three lines then snorted them. Then sat on the toilet, twisted the primo and started smoking before he opened the window to let the smoke out.

Lucky he did because once he opened the window his view was of the task force and squad cars. They were parked up and down the street. Red ran back to his room and grabbed the package, then back to the bathroom. He started breaking off chunks of cocaine into the toilet. Ounces shoved down with his bare hands, flushing simultaneously.

"Sandy! Chris! Get the fuck up! It's a raid!"

Chris slept away on the couch and didn't move. Sandy did nothing more than roll over and cover her head with the blanket. Red started sniffing more cocaine in large amounts as he continued to flush the rest. He knew he was going to jail. Why not go high. The Junction City Drug Task Force kicked in the door wielding pistols, shotguns and badges.

"J.C.P.D.! Freeze nobody moves!"

Chris opened his eyes startled to see a 9mm pointing at him. Sandy lifted her arms as she sat up on the bed. They brought Red from out the bathroom in handcuffs and sat him in the living room with his face and hands covered in powder. He was completely high, wired like a snitch.

"What are you doing with these people Chris?" asked one the detectives.

"How the hell you know him Chris?"

Red was baffled. At that same time they brought Sandy in quietly and sat her on the couch hands cuffed behind her back.

"I was just leaving Detective Loman," Chris cried.

"Take him outta here Officer Dexter," said Loman.

He took Chris by the arm and led him out of the apartment.

"So you two want to sell drugs huh? I bet y'all think y'all some '89 Bonnie and Clyde. Well I'm Detective Loman and y'all are under arrest," he said bragging

"I don't know what you're talking about officer," Sandy cried.

"I knew you weren't shit," snarled a female cop and punched Red in the ribs.

"Hey! Officer Harmon we don't need all that," Detective Loman ordered.

Harmon shoved Sandy in the back of her head. Two other officers came out his room with the two pounds of hydroponic weed he forgot to stash. Red was cool with a possession of marijuana charge though. The majority of the cocaine was flushed. He was looking at a possession charge for what little fell on the floor and around the toilet, no biggie. Then, Detective Loman, of all the officers searched and found a bag under the couch. Sure enough looked like crack-cocaine to Red.

"You dirty bastards are gonna try and set me up. I don't even sell crack, I sell powder," he said in his own defense.

"Looks like we have a winner," said Detective Loman waving the evidence in the air.

"That ain't mine; it's that fuckin' white boy's!" Red denied shaking his head. Sandy jerked her head toward him with her mouth open. Red could only continue to shake his head in disappointment.

"It seems like you're both taking a long ride. Get your asses up!" said Harmon smiling.

When they arrived at the police station, the first thing Red did was look around for Chris but naturally he wasn't found.

"Where's Chris? It's that white boy's dope, not mine!" he told Detective Loman. It sounded like snitching but Red knew that wasn't his crack in the apartment. If they set me up they got me good, but if Chris actually put that there then he's done. Red figured that fat bastard must've been on crack, dammit.

"Who're you talking about?" replied Officer Dexter walking towards me.

"You know who the fuck I'm talkin' bout. Y'all police ain't shit but a gang yo' damn selves," I spat bitterly.

"There wasn't anybody else in that apartment but you and your bitch here," laughed Harmon now sitting across from Officer Dexter.

These fuckin' police are so damn disrespectful to the common businessman. Red's just trying to achieve his goals in a capitalist society. Instead they made him a statistic. The old system is flawed and we need a new one. How can street economics be wrong? Red was supplying a demand of the street?

After being booked into the county detention center, they were given a phone call. Sandy called her family.

"Mom, it's me Sandy."

"Where in God's name have you been?"

"I'm in jail mom," she regrettably stated with sniffles.

"Damn girl. I told you about hanging with those people. Now look what they did," her mother screamed.

The phone was taken from Sandy after her time was up, then she was lead to her cell. The jailer handed Red the receiver next.

"You got five minutes," said the jailer.

He dialed my number and let the phone ring until anybody answered.

"Hello," I answered breathing hard.

"Hey Oscar it's me Red."

"What's up? I just got out the shower and I'm running late for work."

"I knew your ass liked that job," he joked. "Look cousin, I fucked up and got busted. They raided my apartment this morning and let Chris go! And, they found some crack in the couch he slept on. I think I'm being set up. Anyway, I'm gonna be going away for a while. Call Noble and let him know."

"I'll do what I can to help."

"Oh. I got that mail coming tomorrow. I'll need you to be at my place and sign for it. I don't want you to miss the delivery time. You know the postman doesn't ring twice. Ya dig? While you're there, take that nine thousand dollars under my fridge to good ol' Uncle Radcliff. Tell him to fuck himself. I think he'll understand."

"How do you know you won't be getting out? Don't you have a lawyer?"

"They caught me with two pounds of weed, crack and cocaine. Plus I got prior's. You think they're gonna let me go?"

"Time's up," said the jailer.

"I gotta go Oscar. Be real with it."

Later, I pulled up to the Blue Milk café and greeted Uncle Radcliff. He was sitting in the booth staring out the window at the early morning whores on the block.

"Good morning," I spoke then head right to the time clock.

"Don't give me that shit."

He sparked a cigarette and put down the Daily Union newspaper.

"Where's your partner at?"

"He told me to tell you he won't be coming by today."

"Nor any other day because I know that fucker got locked up."

I sat down in the booth with him and told him the truth.

"He told me to tell you "fuck yourself" but I think I was supposed to pay you first. Either way you'll still get your money."

"Is that right? He's calling' shots behind bars already huh."

"It ain't like that Uncle Radcliff. He said you were overcharging him. He could get it elsewhere for less. And, the product was better so I hear," I explained. "Now had you been more honest, instead of trying to hustle him, this wouldn't have happened. So I'm here to make sure that doesn't happen to me though."

"I like that confident attitude Oscar. It's the kind that'll get you paid or killed, depending on the other person. You've got some keen understanding."

Uncle Radcliff wiped the sweat from his receded brow with a white handkerchief. Then he got up and walked behind the counter. There he put a brown package on the countertop. I already knew what was going down. It was playing out almost like Red stated.

"This was his position if you didn't know." I picked up the package and started to open it.

"What the fuck are you doing?"

"I'm opening it." I wasn't thinking anything different. I thought because it was in my possession, I had a right to open it.

"Hold on Oscar. We've got rules here. You don't open the package if you're a runner. Bring back every dollar then you get paid. It's that simple."

"I hear you. However, before I take this package anywhere it's going to cost you the nine thousand dollars Red owes. You got it?"

It was easy to play hardball. He just wanted to see a profit. We all wanted to get paid our wages and go away satisfied. Doing this one good deed for Red was going to get me paid for sure.

"Take this package over to Dean's Used Car lot on Fourteenth and Washington. Give it to a guy named Michael. He'll give you the money and you bring it back. I'll erase Red's debt after I get paid from your run. Got it?"

"I think we've come to an understanding?" I agreed.

Uncle Radcliff put out the cigarette and poured a cup of coffee.

"Tell Red, word on the street is that France and Phil set him up. I think he'd want to know that."

"I certainly will. I need to tell you, this'll be our only and last deal. I won't become a runner for you and I'm only doing this to pay Red's debt."

I exited the café and began walking down Washington Street. Fuck that. I'm no carrier or mule for anybody. This deal alone put me up nine thousand dollars. After I take Uncle Radcliff his money, I'll go by Red's and pick mine up. Now any smart individual would have brokered the same deal in order to receive a commission. This one job will exceed my expected earning potential. Now I'm headed down a road for more. Yes, it beats the paycheck. I won't be selling dope, just merely directing its traffic. As I wrapped up my thoughts, a horn honked from a tan Jeep Cherokee similar to mine. The driver rolled down the window.

"What's up Oscar?"

I stopped and blocked the sun from my eyes, attempting to see who was in the jeep.

"It's me silly. Leticia."

I didn't notice her with extensions.

"Oh. What's up?"

Leticia parked the jeep and walked over to me with open arms for a hug, then kissed me on the cheek.

"It's been months," she smiled. "I haven't seen or talked to you since July."

I continued to walk alongside Leticia as she swayed her arms back and forth, chewing on gum and blowing bubbles.

"Where are you going?"

"I got things to do Leticia."

She popped her bubble and slapped me on the arm.

"Why have you been hiding from me Oscar?" she pouted.

"Leticia, I really don't have time to talk with you now." She stopped walking and folded her arms in disappointment.

"I know you still have my number. Call me later?"

She was something I didn't need at the present moment and that was distraction. Taking on this responsibility isn't exactly what I thought, when Red asked me to work with him. I'm in it now and about to get some real money out of it. I can't turn down this life. I found a new way to make it once I receive that package from the postman.

Finding Fannetta

Mom took the last of the money dad gave her and opened an accounting firm, specializing in financial planning, budgeting, auditing and tax preparations. For the past two years she's been off heroin and attending Narcotics Anonymous twice a week. Her first and only client was ETECH Inc., a small company of thirty two employees located on the twenty-fifth floor of the Renaissance Building with a view of Lake Michigan, Canada and the city of Detroit all at once. Fortunately, she was able to find a place in Southfield to live after selling our old house.

"Ms. Watkins, a Ms. Graves is here to see you," announced the receptionist as mom sat gazing out the window when she entered.

"Good morning Ms. Graves."

"Happy Birthday, Fannetta! Did you think I'd forget?"

Helen set a birthday card and small gift on her desk.

"Ooh girl, don't remind me but thanks."

"Honey there's nothing wrong with turning thirty eight. You look about as good as me."

Helen spread her arms and twirled around, raising her skirt showing her skinny thighs. After having Pam, Helen was still petite with her short, fair skinned self. Even with the blemishes on her face, Helen was very attractive, successful and a newly single woman.

"I guess thirty eight isn't that bad," mom said.

"You're damn right it isn't." Helen dropped a blue folder on the desk.

"Even though it's your birthday, I still need this audit done."

Mom pushed it aside without giving it a second thought.

"You know I have to pick up Gene from the airport, Helen."

"That's right. What time is he flying in?"

Mom checked her Rolex.

"Shit! It's already past one o'clock. His flight might already be here."

"Go ahead and leave. I don't want him to have another tantrum."

"I know, right."

She grabbed her purse and followed Helen out the office.

"Don't forget! We're meeting at the Fox Theater. The Luther Vandross concert starts at seven o'clock," Helen reminded her.

"I won't!"

Before long mom was speeding down the Lodge freeway then exited onto I-94 westbound to the airport. Her coup reached a speed of eighty-five miles per hour as she flashed high beams switching in and out of lanes. Twenty-five minutes later mom pulled up to the American Airline's terminal.

She met Gene last year at an NA meeting. He was a recovering addict and out of work. They talked a few times and after he was serious about quitting, mom offered him a position within her company as a personal assistant. Gene didn't have any credentials but was equipped with a talent for paying attention to detail. Also, he was a Detroit native and knew a lot of influential people which mom felt was a good asset.

"I hoped you didn't forget about me, Fannetta." Those were his first words coming out of the terminal exit.

"Gene I've been here waiting for over half an hour," she lied.

"You got another car? They must be paying you good."

"I can't complain. Now come on, because I'm ready to celebrate!"

Gene walked over to her silver coupe with the trunk open.

"Put that bag in so we can hit the town honey."

"Damn Fannetta. You really are making some money, I like the Rolex too."

Gene was checking her body out as he had missed her softness, smiling with satisfaction, even though she had gained about twenty pounds and cut her hair into a short bob. Since she's been sober her attitude toward life had changed and mom wanted to share it with somebody.

"I see you still keep the professional look, all dressed up," he complimented before they drove off. "So birthday girl, how's it feel to be thirty eight?"

Mom tuned into 93.9fm. It was advertising tonight's concert with Luther.

"That's what I'm doing tonight."

"You're going to see Luther?"

"Yes! Helen and I are going. You know she isn't going to miss Luther either. We have front row seats." Mom was full of excitement but it didn't seem like Gene was. Either he wasn't interested or upset she had plans. "How was the business trip to Boston? Were you able to seal a deal with the New Brothers Company?"

They were a Marketing firm ETECH wanted to acquire and reorganize.

"Fannetta their president gave me the company's last three years of tax returns and audits. I'm no expert but I think they're ready to sell."

"Baby, you just made my day even better. The boss is going to love this news."

That night mom drove down Woodward Avenue slowly, passing the Fox Theater where everybody was lined up. The men were dressed in suits of all colors and Mauri Gators to match. The ladies were just as flashy, wearing the latest fashion and costume jewelry. Helen was standing in front flagging mom down as she pulled up to valet parking.

"It's about time you made it. How did the New Brothers account go with Gene out East?"

"He mentioned the company needed further research and their president seemed eager to sell. Either way I'm glad he's back. That two week break nearly exhausted my feelings for him," mom laughed lamely.

"Damn! These bitches are dressed," Helen shouted.

"Can we go in now? It's cold out here and I'm ready to see Luther," mom complained.

"Come on chile' before you freeze your nipples off," laughed Helen and surprised mom with backstage passes. During the concert they were laughing and crying all at once, then got an autograph and picture with Luther afterwards. Mom hadn't enjoyed herself in a long while without feeling any guilt. She finally felt entitled to be happy like everybody should be.

"I have to say that, this was the best birthday I've had in a long time."

"That's what friends are for," said Helen snapping her finger.

"You got that right."

Mom pulled up to her house and went inside. It was dark as she fumbled through the living room and into the bedroom. Gene lay there as she joined him after undressing and wanted him to complete her birthday as she caressed him softly in the dark, but he didn't respond to her touch. Instead, he turned over and farted. Mom nudged him with her elbow then got out of the bed.

"That was rude."

"Happy Birthday," he mumbled then started snoring again.

The following afternoon, Helen sat in the company break room eating her lunch. Mom came in, took her lunch out of the refrigerator and heated it up in the microwave before sitting across from Helen.

"Why are there no damn vents in this break room?" mom complained with frustration. "It's cold in here."

Helen finished her lunch and washed out her Tupperware in the sink ignoring her complaint.

"And how did last night really end up Fannetta?"

Helen was hoping for juicy details, but there were none.

"It ended with me on the couch and still unsatisfied. Maybe you should come over and watch a movie with me sometime."

"Soon Fannetta, but right now I'm trying to recover from this damn divorce. You should come to good old Sacred Heart with me."

"You know I've never really been into church Helen. Religion is something I don't do. But, I believe in God. Next time you go, say a prayer for me."

Mom got up and scraped her remaining food into the trash while Helen leaned up against the counter wiping her hands.

"Come on Fannetta. Lunch is over. It's time to go back to work."

"An hour isn't lunch. It's a break," mom continued to complain.

"That's ETECH for you. More work and less talk," Helen cringed.

They returned to their offices in an attempt to continue the business of the day, but mom turned on some jazz music and relaxed her mind as she gazed upon the old framed pictures of our family. One was from a night at the carnival when we were a real family the other was of us in front of Tiger Stadium. Dad was a big fan of the Tiger's. Funny enough, he was the only one in the family who enjoyed baseball. Mom daydreamed about dad and their first meet. He seen her from across the club and she made sure of that as he walked through the doors of the Dirty Boot. She automatically recognized him but he didn't know her as she was bouncing her ass up and down dancing to The Parliament. Dad patted down his afro and stepped to her.

"Excuse me miss, but I didn't catch your name," he spoke suavely. Mom looked him once over and turned her top lip up. Dad was fair enough to pass for white with dark brown eyes and curly hair. He was wearing a beige corduroy suit with butterfly collars and black cowboy boots. He just stared at her as she continued shaking her ass. Mom knew she had him.

"Do you know me?" She quizzed yet he didn't have a clue of her intentions.

"No, but I'd like to buy you a drink and get to know you .My name is Perry."

"My name's Fannetta and I don't drink. I'm only nineteen."

"Damn girl. You sure are built for nineteen," he replied staring at her ass once more.

"You want to see my tits while you at it?"

"It ain't like that baby. I was just trying to see you in a different light that's all."

"Whatever sugar. Buy me a rum and coke then maybe we can talk."

Mom walked onto the dance floor while he went to the bar. Dad returned with two drinks and sat at a table in front of the dance floor. Mom danced her way over to him seductively as dad sat back in his chair and sipped on a drink. She was rubbing her hands up and down her body then bent over and smacked her ass. That's the type of girl she was and dad was licking his lips obviously anticipating what she tasted like.

"You're talented. Ever thought about taking that act on the road?" he smiled.

"This ain't an act baby this is me all the time."

"I hear ya. What are you doing in Junction City?"

Mom lit a cigarette.

"What makes you think I ain't from here?"

"I didn't say you weren't."

"You got a car Perry? I want to go for a ride."

Dad raised his brow to her bluntness.

"You're a bold one," he said cautiously.

"I just don't like a crowd of people, that's all."

"Then why are you in here?"

"I was hoping to find somebody like you."

Mom put her hand on dad's freshly shaved face and drew their lips together. He welcomed the kiss without argument.

"C'mon. I got a ride. Where you wanna go?"

"I got a room at the Homestead Motel. We can go there."

Dad frowned at her.

"Are you a whore?"

"No! It's just I got my baby girl there and I want to check on her."

Dad finished his drink before replying.

"How old is she?"

"My little hot momma is four."

"What's her name?"

"Cassie."

Dad took her by the hand leading them out the club into the parking lot.

"You aren't one of those Kansas City girls who ran away from your pimp are you?"

"No! I told you I'm not a whore." She answered ashamed.

"Did you run away from home? You're only nineteen. What's your story? I'm gonna need you to say something baby."

"I ain't got a home and Cassie's all I got."

Mom walked away and headed for the Homestead feeling embarrassed and desperate. Dad sighed then honked his horn and shined the headlights onto her now teary face. She wanted him to have sympathy and compassion for her. More importantly she wanted him to take her away before she ended up going with the next person who spoke to her. Mom was willing to leave with anybody who could get her out of there. No, she wasn't looking for love but more so opportunity. It was basic economics, supply and demand. Dad was going to be the supplier of all her demands.

"I can't let you and your daughter stay there. It isn't safe."

"I don't have a choice."

"Yes you do. Come with me to my place. No funny shit. I live alone and I'm not gonna hurt y'all."

All mom could do was hug him through the window of his truck thanking him and God for answering at least one of her prayers. Dad's place sounded better than a motel wherever it was and with the quickness, mom was in and out of the room with their belongings and into his truck. She had no idea of what would become of them but it wasn't going to end there.

"Are you in the military Perry?"

"I was. I did a three year tour in Vietnam then got out and headed for the Motor City. I got myself a job with Detroit Bank in the accounting department." He spoke intelligently, with confidence and humbleness to match his handsome face. Although he wasn't the best dressed, dad was headed in the direction of success and mom wanted to go.

"Why did you come back to Junction City?" It seemed like a good question at the time but dad held back his reason for returning. Mom pressed the question again until he told her that his mother recently passed and the funeral was earlier in the day.

"Oh, sorry," were her first words followed by, "What was here name?"

Mom wanted to see if he would lie or not. Either way she knew already.

"Jean Miller. Did you know her?"

"No. I didn't." She lied again, but hell yea mom knew her own madam?

"Do you know Hank Watkins? That's my Daddy." Now that question mom could and did answer with dear pleasure.

"His name I can't deny or else I'd be denying my own child," she replied and waited for his reaction but funnily there wasn't one. Dad just continued to drive in silence.

Suddenly her office door is opened with a knock, bringing her back to reality. Gene came in and sat on her desk.

"Please tell me you're done for the day. I want to take you out for happy hour drinks," he said.

"Gene." She started to speak as he kissed her cheek and handed mom a rose.

"Happy Anniversary, Fannetta."

"Who's anniversary?" She asked quickly.

"It's my first year since working with you and ETECH. Did you get a chance to look at that the New Brother's paperwork?"

Mom rested her hands behind her head, closed her eyes, thought about dad then counted to ten silently. She was foolish to have gotten involved with anybody so soon, including a co-worker. It was time to quit pretending she was happy with him. Gene wasn't the man she wanted nor looking for at the present moment. In all truthfulness she used him to pass the time.

"Gene I can't do the couple thing any longer with you. It's got to be just business."

"What do you mean? I thought you were happy and we still have a lot of money deals to discuss. What about the New Brother's account?"

"We're going to continue to make money, but I'm not interested in you any longer. Does that make sense?"

She gave him the rose back and walked him toward the door. This he didn't like. Gene winked at her before regaining his composure and left.

That evening Helen popped popcorn in the microwave while mom got out the wine glasses. It was a girl's night for them even though neither had a man in their life.

"What movie are we watching?" asked Helen.

"Since it was my turn to pick, I chose Sleeping with the Enemy. It's one movie I didn't get a chance to see at the theaters so I bought a copy from a bootlegger."

For mom it resembled a life a lot of women could relate to. It also gave her a sense of hope in her own despair. She's done a lot of painful crying over the years, now it was time to make all those tears joyful as the movie came to an end and hopes of another new beginning for her.

"How's that for invigorating?" Mom stated.

"I'm speechless," replied Helen. "No wonder we're ready to kill these men sometime. Do you see how possessive they get over pussy and money? No matter how many times you see this movie, it'll make you see her justification."

"I miss Oscar," mom blurted out emotionally.

"Go back and see him. You can afford to and you aren't using anymore."

"I can't girl. I just can't. What would I say to him? He literally chased me down the block. I really ran from him and my problems."

"Tell him you've missed him and he was thought of daily, like you've told me. Oscar is mature enough Fannetta. Pam and I believe he will understand once you explain to him what you've experienced in your life. No whoring or drugs can stop you from being a mother to your children. Did you know he came looking for you a couple of years ago?"

Mom clinched her pillow trying to hold back the tears. She knew because Pam called her when I came up.

"What kind of mother leaves her kids?" She cried. "I just left them, one after the other."

"I thought you said Oscar was with his grandpa."

"Hank is his grandpa and Perry's daddy, not mine. I wouldn't know what to call Hank; a trick, my man, my pimp, the father of my child?" Mom exhaled grudgingly.

"Fannetta, how the hell you let that happen?" asked Helen baffled.

"My mother sent me to foster care at the age of seven. She just didn't want me anymore and just dropped me off at Sister Beth's, on the east side."

"So you've been abandoned too?"

Helen sympathized pouring more wine as mom tried to calm herself with every sip.

"Sister Beth's wasn't the most comfortable of places and it was too damn overcrowded with bastards. We were all welfare checks and nothing more. Sister Beth housed us, four per room, within a three bedroom house. That's why I left after seven years. I stayed long as I could, seeing kids come and go until it was my turn, but by my own choice. Jean found me in the back of the Blue Milk café one morning. I was about to turn my first trick at fourteen. The guy could see I was underage and drove away quickly before I got in the car. Then she took me in and eventually turned me out."

Helen poured another glass of wine and mom kept talking.

"Here girl, calm down."

Mom put the glass to her mouth and downed the wine. Then she got off the floor and lay on the couch.

"Our relationship consisted of him being my trick like all the other appointments that came to the house Jean ran. The same house Oscar lives in now. Our relationship eventually became more than an appointment after I got pregnant. Jean accepted it until Cassie was born. After that, Jean started pimpin' me hard on the street instead of the house. That bitch became so jealous of me and I didn't have a choice. I was just like all the other whores now. Then Hank started beating me for having Cassie. He cursed at me for trapping him and blamed me for Jean not wanting him any longer."

"He sounds like a sorry son-of-a-bitch and heartless too," replied Helen.

"I know. After three long years of being run down, I couldn't allow it anymore and decided to fight back but Jean stole my moment. One night came home too drunk for Hank's taste and he turned on her with heated disgust."

"Did he start beating her up?" Helen asked with fascination.

"I witnessed him choke the life out of her. Foolishly when the police came I didn't say anything and Hank put on a show. He acted hysterical telling them he came home and found the door open with her lying on the bed. I went along with his story and the Junction City police did the least considering it an open and closed case. The same way they did anytime a whore came up dead."

"That made you an accessory to murder. Did you realize that?"

"Helen, he used me. I could've told them the truth, but it was my out. I threatened him with it and he let me go. I still regret that decision. He never had to pay for all his wrongs in my eyes."

"Damn Fannetta. We've known each other for many years. I would've never thought something like that could've happened to you."

"Hank threatened to kill me but I wasn't scared anymore and set out to steal Perry."

"Oh Lord," stared Helen blankly at me.

"I put myself in a position to get with Perry and become his woman. I basically threw myself upon his mercy offering whatever I could to please him. He wanted a child and I had Oscar to keep him and make him happy," mom pleaded.

"Fannetta, he wouldn't have been happy or stayed around had you not?"

"I thought he was satisfied Helen. He put me through school and wasn't like his parents, who degraded and humiliated me. I couldn't tell him about his mother."

Helen got up from her seat and held mom close.

"It's going to be okay," she told her while mom cried distraughtly.

"I left my son with the man who bought, beat and pimped me! How can things get better?"

Graduation

Monty pulled the car out of his garage and into the parking lot. He just replaced my alternator, changed the oil and brake pads on the Acura. Afterwards he and June did a full detail on it. We started his own auto/detail car service after he graduated from the vocational night classes his mom signed him up for. We filed articles of incorporation with the state of Kansas and organized a company. I gave him the seed money for the tools and rent for the garage to open "Monty's Auto/detail Shop." All profits and losses were shared by us both. Sandy was our part-time receptionist after school. Red signed a plea agreement with the prosecutor that guaranteed her freedom, plus she was already two months pregnant, so the judge was lenient.

We added a small nursery for her baby girl Josephine. I hired a CPA to manage the finances and payroll. Since opening day, the business has operated without a loss and our clientele has grown city wide. Business was steady because Monty took pride in his work and we supported his ambition.

"Monty! Telephone!" yelled Sandy out the garage door.

"Who is it?"

"Boy! Bring yo' nappy headed ass to the phone and find out." She went back inside to finish watching her episode of Jerry Springer as we followed.

"Hello."

"Monty. It's me Chris."

"Chris! What's up fat ass? It's been awhile."

"Yeah, it has. I just called to say congratulations."

"Thanks man. Too bad you couldn't be here."

"It's cool. The Army ain't that bad," he laughed. "At least I'm getting three meals a day. Free! Plus I'd rather be here than in prison."

"I hear ya. Well I got work to do, thanks for calling."

"I'll see ya soon, Blacky," he said hanging up.

"How's that fat rat doing?" asked Sandy.

"He's doing fine."

I sat on the shop's waiting room couch feeling satisfied with a sense of accomplishment. We were finally completing high school but already took flight. Our earnings surpassed minimum wage and we were making it our way. The packages kept coming in from Detroit on schedule every Sunday. Task Force couldn't figure out who or how the dope was getting in the city. The three raids they conducted this month around the city never touched me. In fact, they weren't even close. I didn't have to touch anything. I got with Flint and Karl when they came to me looking for work when Uncle Radcliff's shop closed. They graduated last year to working the streets, so I gave them the only job they had experience for. I rented a house on the east side off Thirteenth Street, gave them the key and nine ounces of cocaine. I told them to bring me back seven hundred off each ounce. Karl got into the kitchen and turned those nine ounces of cocaine into eighteen ounces of crack-cocaine. Then we opened the house for business. It took them that one consignment to put themselves in a better position from last year. Karl and Flint were able to buy direct from the distributor and set their own mark. I knew any good company liked to see their subsidiaries make money. I only had one major problem and his name was Mavis. He was a thirty six year old hustler from the Westwood District who smoked more crack than he sold.

He'd been running the Club Opium on Grant Avenue. I let him manage it but the money kept coming up short each week. Also, he'd been coming around ease dropping, talking recklessly and loud about business. I heard he's been speaking to others about me which was unacceptable. My name should've only come out of his mouth when speaking directly to me. For now I was going to enjoy my day and address his disrespect later. That's what I told myself as Monty approached me with my car keys and open arms.

"Congratulations graduate!"

His jumpsuit was dirtied with oil and grime but I didn't care as I hugged him back. I wasn't above getting dirty.

"Congratulations," I repeated joyfully.

I gave him dap then we walked over to the car. I sold my Jeep to the company we started and bought a nice graduation present for myself after all the hard work I've put in.

"We just finished detailing it. You're ready to ride," Monty said.

I opened the door and sat in the driver seat gripping the wheel, ready to hit the road doing ninety.

"What's up with Chris? I heard you speak with him. Is he still in California?"

"Yeah out in the desert. He says hello.

"Anyway, what time do you want me to pick you up?"

"Oh. I'm not going to graduation. They can mail me my diploma." Monty wiped his hands on the dirty rag and shoved it back in his pocket.

"I thought about the same thing. Fuck it, I'm going."

I shut the door, rolled down the window and waved to the girls on my way out. Michael Jackson's song Black or White played on the radio. I pulled off on my way to visit Hank at the nursing home. The cancer had spread throughout his body and he lost a lot of weight, became incontinent and wasn't able to swallow much of his food. Dr. Graham had him on oxycontin and Percocet's for the pain. He wouldn't allow Hank to stay home any longer because of the professional care he needed.

Alta Vista was a small forty-bed facility with a lazy staff. But they were the only facility in the city that specialized in clients who were terminally ill. I parked in the handicap spot and hung Hank's sticker in the window before going up the walkway greeting the maintenance man. He's the only one that seemed to care for the facility.

I pushed the doorbell for entrance into the facility. If not the alarm would sound notifying staff of a possible resident elopement. It was also used for protecting the residents from being taken without authorization. Once inside the aroma of urine and feces filled my nostrils. Senior citizens roamed the halls in their wheelchairs and walkers. Most sat in chairs, sedated from medication. Some had spilled food and juice stains on their clothes from breakfast. The charge nurse sat behind her station doing paperwork as a nurse's aide argued on the phone next to her and nobody minded me. I walked down the North hall and went into room six but Hank wasn't there so I went back to the nurse's station.

"Where's Hank Watkins?"

"There he is," the nurse pointed down the hall. "He was just getting a bath."

I sighed with relief approaching him.

"Hank, I thought you got up and left." I joshed punching him lightly in the arm.

"I'll be gone soon enough if this pretty woman keeps bathing kid," he said in a hoarse voice.

"Meet my grandson Oscar, Meghan." We shared a cordial hello as Meghan pushed him into the room and transferred Hank into the bed.

"Here's your call light if you need anything," she said.

"What about me?" I flirted.

"What about you?" Meghan smiled.

"I might need something. What would I do to get in touch with you?"

Meghan pulled a pen and pad out her pocket, wrote her number then placed it in my hand.

"There. Call me and we can discuss your needs. Maybe I can bathe you," she smiled.

I kept tapping Hank on the arm as she turned to leave the room.

"I remember her from the café. She would come in and order the neck bone dinner on Sundays. I'm talking every Sunday."

"You don't forget much," he coughed agonizingly.

"I can't stay long Hank. You know its graduation night."

"Yeah, yeah, congratulations," he coughed more while turning on his television. "Your parents should be proud."

"Well I gotta go. I'll come see you tomorrow."

It felt like I was on an obstacle course maneuvering around the residents, making my way out the door with Meghan following me out.

"I hear you're graduating today. Congratulations."

"Thanks."

"I remember mine so clearly."

"A couple of years ago right? You were in my math class when I first moved here," I guessed.

"Yeah I think not honey. I graduated from the University of Kansas many years ago. I'm a Registered Nurse." She pointed to her badge and title. Fortunately that gave me a free look at her chest.

"I've got two more years before I get my Master's. Then I might take a break," she sighed. Even though she was attractive and her conversation was worthwhile, I wasn't interested at that moment.

"More school is the farthest from my mind right now. I just want to sit back and relax," I said merrily.

Then a nurse knocked on the window motioning her to come inside.

"I have to get back to work. You make sure you call me."

The next corner I turned ended in my driveway. There sat Leticia on the porch with her son Lil Red Boy. He's gotten big over thirteen months and looked like his daddy. I hope she hadn't been waiting too long in this hot afternoon heat. I stopped at the bottom of the stairs and picked up Lil Red Boy. Leticia played with an envelope, biting her bottom lip staring at me. We hadn't talked much since Red was sent to prison and Hank got hospitalized. I stayed on my side of town and she was on hers. Lil Red Boy was walking and off the bottle too. Leticia didn't quit school luckily, getting me to pay for daycare so she could finish. It was worth it.

"What brings you over here?"

It wasn't that I didn't want her company, I just kept my distance.

"I've got a letter from Red for you."

She handed me the unopened envelope then stood in front of the door as I opened the letter.

"Aren't you going to invite me in?"

"Come on here girl."

We went inside and I headed for the kitchen to get Lil Red Boy a snack. Leticia locked the door behind us. She sat down in the living room and waited for me to finish reading the letter. It came attached with a picture. He had grown to a towering six feet, two inches and picked up some weight. Lil Red Boy was enjoying the graham crackers with milk as I set the picture in front of him and finished reading the letter.

"What did he say?" she asked.

"Why?" I replied frowned.

"Dang, don't bite my head off. I just wanted to know."

"Shouldn't you be getting ready for graduation, Ms. Honor Society?"

"I am. I just wanted to bring you that letter."

"Thanks. I appreciate it. Do you need anything else?"

"Yes," she purred rubbing on my leg.

We went into the living room. I reached under the couch, pulled out my tray of weed and started twisting a joint.

"I got a letter from Red also. Did he mention to you he'd be getting out in September?"

"Yeah that's what the letter basically said."

I sparked the joint and turned to ESPN.

"They got him on Lithium. Did he tell you that?"

"Damn girl. Yes!"

I passed the joint to Leticia and she took a puff, coughed out the smoke then passed it back.

"I don't want anymore," she choked.

"What's Lithium anyway? It's not like I know a lot of impressive terms yet, but I'm learning."

"It's used for treating those with manic-depressive illnesses. Red is barely holding on to his sanity and you better take yourself to college. You need an education for yourself Oscar."

I blew her off with the puff of my joint.

"I bet prison can drive a person insane and I couldn't see being institutionalized," I said.

Leticia clapped her hands.

"I couldn't either but that's what he chose for himself. That isn't right."

"Are you still going to be a Jayhawk?" I asked mainly because I wanted to survey the area for possible economic growth of my business. If you don't expand you can't grow or, should I say you can't grow if you don't expand.

"I have to go. They're giving me a teacher service scholarship. I can't pass that up. What are you going to do?"

"I don't know. I haven't thought about it."

"Damn Oscar, school's over and it's time to decide."

The joint came to an end as I dropped it in the ashtray.

"I ain't no scholar athlete like you girl. The most I might do as far as school is take a few business courses at the community college."

"It's all a matter of what you want Oscar. You don't have to go to community college. You can come to Lawrence with me and do whatever you want even if it's not going to school. I'd like to have you there and I know Lil Red Boy wouldn't mind your company."

I thought about it for a quick moment.

"Do you know how much that'll cost me? Plus I need to be around for Hank. He's not getting any better."

"My Mom read my letter from Red and now she wants me gone before he gets out. I don't have any other choice."

Leticia wrapped her arms around my waist and rested her head on my chest.

"Why couldn't he have just finish school like the rest of us? I would have still chosen him good or bad a long time ago Oscar?"

I kissed her on the forehead.

"I didn't write the book so I can't answer that."

"When he gets out, I won't let him go back. He's going to change his ways for his son and I'll do what it takes to make him happy."

Red shared a cell with this white guy named Matthew. They both were transferred to Hutchinson Correctional Facility from Dickerson Juvenile Detention Center. Matthew was serving a seven year sentence for grand theft auto and vehicular homicide down in Liberal, Ks. His first five years were spent in Dickerson. After turning twenty one they sent him to Hutch along with Red. His side of the cell had pictures of his kids and their mothers, along with a few pictures of Shoe and the clique. He lived a routine life in there. Red got up every morning at five o'clock, read the bible then exercised until breakfast and showered afterward. He worked Monday thru Friday for five hours a day in the kitchen, getting paid seventy-five cents a day. The job wasn't needed though, because he had plenty of money on his books and in the bank, thanks to me. The prison locked them in their cells at three o'clock for the afternoon count. At four o'clock they got one hour of recreation. Loneliness had no bearing on his life. Unlike most inmates arriving, looking lost and scared Red wasn't. He quickly adjusted and got acclimated to the system and how the institution was run. There were three major gangs that continuously fought for control. The Black Guerilla Family, the Arian Brotherhood and of course the Mexican Cartels all had a piece of the contraband racket and traffic distributed throughout the facility.

Visitors were allowed on Saturday and Wednesday. Nobody came to visit him but he didn't care. Sunday they opened the church for worship but he I didn't go there either. Faith and visitors didn't concern him while he was locked away. Instead, Red smothered himself with books from the library about science and philosophy by Rousseau. It helped give him a better understanding of life. The readings helped him send letters home with positive words of encouragement.

The tier guard approached their cell as he sat up on the bunk. It was recreation time. In maximum security they only got an hour a day. The cell door opened as he put down the bible and walked out. He and Matthew headed down the stairs when another inmate bumped into Red. An apology was quickly given.

"My fault young blood," said the inmate as he sidestepped past Red. He gained a favorable reputation wherever he went. Once on the yard, Red was able to move about freely. He could walk the track, make connections, get information and smoke weed at the same time on the yard. But he still had to keep an eye open while moving through the sea of criminals. Otherwise, he could end up a statistic. His main agenda was to connect with the Hispanics. They were making major moves inside and out in the free world. Once Red got out he could run his own organization through them.

Until then, he and Matthew ran football and basketball parlay tickets for crunch (prison slang for food items from the cantina), stamps and money. Their main hustle was selling tobacco and it was big business in prison. A three ounce pouch of bugler tobacco cost about a dollar fifty in the free world and fifty dollars in there. Red paid an inmate visiting room porter three bullets to bring in the pouches because he didn't receive visitors. Matthew's girlfriend would bring fifty individual bullets wrapped in black electric tape each week. They smuggled them in through the visiting room's female bathroom. She would go in and put them in the trash, then come out and tell the porter the bathroom needs cleaning. That was the signal to clear out the tobacco and hide it in the visiting room's porter closet until visiting hours were over. The only individuals left after visitation were the porters to clean up. Then the porters returned to their cells with the tobacco then it was delivered. Once the count was correct, Red paid the porter. What he did with his bullets was on him. They did this until Red got transferred to minimum security across the street. It allowed him to get a job in construction through the work release program. He got paid minimum wage while Matthew got a job in laundry. Red got with a guy from his job to buy him two pounds of bugler a week. In return he paid him one hundred dollars. The tobacco cost about forty dollars apiece. Red then took it across the street to maximum A and D (Administrative intake and discharge) putting them in a pillow case atop the dirty laundry bin where Matthew picked it up. Then he'd take it back to his cell and bag the tobacco up in pouches. Each pouch made about thirty bullets. This process kept their pockets full and Mathew's girlfriend out of it. Red sent his share to his kid's mother's address. That's what he did with all the money he made behind the wall.

About a month before Red was sent to minimum an inmate gang representative approached him about their tobacco operation suggesting they either cut them in or get cut off. Red was up for compromise, but wanted to know what gang the inmate was representing? The inmate told him to meet with an inmate named Cain. At the end of the day Red went to the cell where Cain sat on the bunk and offered him a seat. Cain had a reputation for having others killed for less than nothing. Red heard he's ordered hits on inmates for walking too close or breathing too loud during movie night. The stories he's heard phased Red none.

"Red, I've watched you since you stepped through these doors. You've held your own and set your ambitions on high. Now, I want you to work for me. Will you?"

Cain's words were direct and comforting. Red wouldn't say no because he wanted in.

"I've been waiting on the offer," he answered.

Cain approved with a nod then let allowed Red to go.

After graduation I arranged for Karl, Flint and Mavis to meet me at Club Opium. I needed to talk shop and ordered them there by six o'clock. I disliked the down trodden, cigarette infested, hangout. But, it made good legit and illegitimate money. If the patrons weren't drinking they were smoking and we were winning both ways. I traveled down the Eighteenth Street freeway, exited onto Grant Avenue then pulled into the Opium parking lot. As I entered the building, the smell of it raced quickly into my lungs. I covered my mouth from fear of inhaling an airborne disease. It was unacceptable and just wrong. Mavis could've at least kept the bar clean. It had potential but these disgusting conditions would cause the Health Department to shut it down by smell alone. The bar had two eight feet coin operated pool tables, a dart machine, dance floor, cigarette machine, fully stocked bar and a high definition stereo system. There was even an upstairs lounge used by many of the patrons. They got high there and dubbed it "the upper room". Now the place is an eyesore to the public, due to mismanagement on Mavis' behalf. The business was left unattended and unsecured. Without security enforcing the 'no loitering' policy, fiends hung in and around the place all day causing the other businesses to start complaining to the Chamber of Commerce.

After a short fifteen minute wait, Karl and Flint had shown up. Mavis was still a no-call, no-show. When they entered I didn't want to start spitting orders. Instead, I offered them a drink and allowed them to get comfortable and give Mavis another ten minutes. I wasn't trying to be an asshole, just the best businessman I could be even if that meant staying firm with my associates. I didn't consider them workers, but business partners or affiliates.

"Karl. How's your father doing? I heard he overdosed the other night." I asked with true concern. Karl's dad attended all his football games in high school. He was a star defensive end headed to Nebraska on a full ride scholarship but got into a fist fight with a teacher over a low quiz score, three weeks before his graduation. Naturally the school rescinded their offer and so went his career.

"He's out the hospital and waiting for me to bring him another eight ball of cocaine," he said without blinking an eye. Flint shook his head and patted Karl on the back.

"He's a grown man and makes his own choices. If you want I'll sell him the eight ball. You don't have to feel any guilt," Flint chuckled.

"I don't have any guilt or shame when it comes to this game. I'll sell dope to a pregnant woman and not think twice about it," Karl snapped back.

It was time to stop waiting on Mavis as I commenced to inform them of a few changes.

"Karl you will be running Club Opium as of today. Mavis is out. Flint, you continue running the house. If you two can't handle the responsibility, there's the door."

They looked to each other and agreed without hesitation. I spoke with firmness and had one of them got up unfortunately they would have been put down permanently. I carried a .44 cal. to back up any doubts. Just as I finished my statement Mavis decided to walk through the door.

"What's up gangsters?" he asked cautiously. Mavis must've been high to come to the meeting late. I turned my attention back to Karl and Flint. Mavis wisely took a seat and kept quiet. The remainder of my conversation was meaningless. All I had to say was said before Mavis got there. That was the point of the whole meeting. I wanted to inform Mavis of his demotion. After the hour passed, I allowed Karl and Flint to leave and told Mavis to stay. Everybody knew Mavis was smoking except himself. I've been hearing and knowing this for too long and action needed to be taken.

"Both Karl and Flint accepted their new positions. Do you agree with them as well, Mavis?"

He stared at me looking confused.

"Come on Oscar, I came a little late. How about you update me?"

"You aren't running the club anymore. You're nothing more than the bartender now. I don't want to hear or see you anywhere near the upper room or the work. Know your roll and play your roll. Got that?" I ordered.

"You sure this is how you want it, Oscar?" He had the audacity to ask.

"Get the fuck outta here!"

I didn't care about his feelings but Mavis was disgusted and ready to vomit. He got up and walked toward the door with his shoulders slumped and head down.

I left the bar, headed to the Blue Milk café and noticed a detective car following. Without giving them probable cause I did the speed limit, came to complete stops and used my turn signals, all the way to the café. I parked across the street and dashed through the rain when the detective car sped by nearly hitting me. They were close enough that I reached out and hit the side of their car with my hand.

"Fuck you!" I shouted, flashing both my middle fingers in the air. Their break lights lit up then the reverse lights came on.

I couldn't run. They pulled right up to me. Within seconds, I was in handcuffs and in the backseat. I knew it would possibly come to this but not this soon. I've come too far to fold now. The car sped off and minutes later we were parked in front of the police station.

"Okay Oscar, let's hear it. Who are you buying from?" asked Detective Brown. "Red let us know you'd be dealing before he got locked up. We've been watching you for a while."

I knew the deception tactics and wasn't falling for any statement they say Red may have made. Next his partner turned around. She reached over the seat then punched me in the chest.

"You filthy, lazy peddler!" she insinuated.

A combination of punches crashed my jaw and stomach. She was kicking my ass! I felt like her bitch in a Tae-Bo class. The insults continued with her abuse of power upon my body and intellect. "You punk ass bitch," she snarled with intensity. But she was too pretty to be taken serious. Laugher got the better of me. That's when she unloaded another barrage of punches and Detective Brown did nothing. "Your father would be ashamed had he known you were out here selling drugs. I know that whore of a mother doesn't give a shit!"

Now I'm thinking who is this lady? I wasn't sure what was starting to hurt more, her words or punches.

"That's enough, Detective Harmon," said Detective Brown pulling her off me. "Let's take him in for questioning now."

Damn. I still have to go in for questioning after this hardcore illegal interrogation. Is there no justice for the innocent? Once inside the station they kept me in a holding room for more than an hour. Then, Detective Harmon entered the room. She still looked fine. Just like when she was kicking my ass in the squad car. I wasn't sure what nationality or race she was. Maybe she was Black, Hispanic or Italian. Either way she was exotic indeed.

"Are you ready to tell me something Oscar?"

My tongue moistened my lips. I tried to come up with a sarcastic response.

"Yes. I want to tell you that I'd like to spend the night with you and beat that pussy up. Just like you beat me in the car; nice and hard."

"You fucking pervert," she roared followed by a right hook to my jaw.

"Dammit! I'm starting to enjoy this," I shouted. My patience had depleted. This lengthy detainment and interrogation has gone far beyond illegal. I wasn't sure of police protocol. But, I knew some of my basic rights and liberties. I didn't recall getting a phone call or being offered to talk to my lawyer. Instead, I got my ass kicked by a sexy female cop.

"Harmon, we've got to let him go," Detective Brown said entering the room.

I was shocked and relieved. He walked over and took the handcuffs off. My wrists were bruised and soar from the tightness, but that pain was secondary at this present moment.

"Until the next time Oscar," she said with her hands folded.

She knew she got the best of me, only because of her position. I couldn't physically assault a cop, especially a female one.

"Yeah, Detective Harmon you got me. Next time it could be the other way around."

I left the station upset. I was held and beaten without being charged for anything. And, I'm soar from that heavy handed bitch's blows. How they got hip to me I can only guess.

Seasons Change People Change

I drove through Westwood's snow filled streets. Block after block, houses were decorated with Christmas lights and ornaments. All down Custer Road there was lights, until pulling up to my house. The only dark house, blanketed with snow. I high stepped through the snow to the mailbox then inside. The house was as cold as outside. I turned up the heat before sitting down in the living room to read the mail.

Sifting through the mail was easy. There was nothing but advertisements, bank statements and credit card offers. I got a Christmas card from Pam. That topped the most of the mail. Then, I came upon a letter from Leticia. It was another Christmas card with a picture enclosed. It was her, Red and Lil Red Boy. It was the first time I had seen them posing as a family. Red's hair was braided in corn rows. He had a few neck and hand tattoo's but besides that, I couldn't see much change since the last picture. Leticia looked like she gained weight. I put the picture and card on top of the fireplace, next to my own family picture. Afterward, I smoked a joint before falling asleep on the couch. Not long after, the phone starting ringing and didn't stop until I answered.

"Oscar it's me Meghan."

I shifted positions on the couch to lying on my back.

"What's up? I got your Christmas card, thanks."

"That's good, but that's not why I'm calling. It's Hank. He died."

I sat up on the couch and rubbed my hand through my hair.

"When did he die?"

"We're not sure. One of the aides found him while doing his rounds. I'm sorry Oscar. Would you like me to come over?"

"That'd be nice. I won't turn away company at this time."

"Okay, I'm on my way and I'm deeply sorry about your loss Oscar."

I thought about his death and thought about his life from what I knew. Hank wasn't a bad guy, he just made bad choices. He was a hustler, pimp and convicted murderer. These things I knew yet, he was still a father, grandfather and a man. Fortunately, none of us are perfect. I thanked him for keeping me in his home. Even though I had no other home left to go to. I thanked him for showing me another side of life. One that was demoralized, criticized and glamorized. If there was no him there would be no dad and no me.

After accepting death once again, I called Uncle Radcliff, Aunt Beth and June. I tried calling Red but he didn't answer and his mailbox was full. I would have called mom but I didn't know where she was. The child in me was missing my family in a time of need. Death had come in three's; my father by the hands of another man, Cassie by drug overdose and now Hank by way of Cancer. I don't know who buried dad. Hank took care of the funeral arrangements for Cassie because mom couldn't take it. That's why she left I'm guessing. Now I was left to make his arrangements.

I went to the bathroom and washed my face. The mourning and healing process needed to coincide. After regaining my composure I went back into the living room. The house seemed a bit bigger. I mean, I had gotten settled in with living alone, but it wasn't actually alone. Hank was just being taking care of in another facility. While he was away, I respected the home he provided. Now that he passed, it was my house. It didn't feel any different nor would I treat it as such. I was thankful and couldn't complain, but now I really had to maintain. My lament had come to a close with the ringing of the doorbell and Meghan's arrival.

I made my way to the door and invited her in. We hugged and she offered her condolence. I hung up her coat then we went into the living room. Meghan brought a bottle of chilled wine and set it on the end table. I pulled my weed out from under the couch then she pulls out a box of Trojans from her Coach bag. I laughed pulling out a single Magnum from under my cushion. Of course she laughs and the mood is set. Once again death has come in my life. But, this time it brought some pussy to cheer me up.

Meghan was about five feet, six inches and looked to weigh about one hundred and thirty pounds. Her skin was a dark and oh so smooth complexion. It complemented her black, straight shoulder length hair. Now I know Hank said not to choose but damn. She had the legs of a track runner, lips that spoke truth and an educated mind. Meghan was a woman I had some time for.

"How old are you?" I had to ask her and without hesitation she answered.

"I'm twenty eight."

This was interesting I thought.

"Do you always make house calls for the grieving?"

She took another drink out the bottle while I smoked a joint.

"Tonight was my first exception," she winked. "Do you always keep a condom on you?"

"It's best to be prepared for the unexpected."

Meghan laughed enjoying this little tit for tat game.

"Do you prefer we fuck on the couch or in my bed?" I asked her and once again without hesitation she answered.

"Let's go to your bed."

Before we went up the stairs I asked her one more question.

"Will you do the funeral arrangements for Hank?"

"I'll do anything for you Oscar, believe that."

With that I didn't respond. I let her bind herself with no more than her own words. We went upstairs where I let her cheer me up without question.

The next morning Meghan was on the phone with Johnson Brother's funeral home making Hanks arrangements. By the time I made it downstairs breakfast from Denny's was on the table.

"Hey did you go out and get this?" I asked.

"Oh no Oscar, I had a co-worker pick it up for us. I didn't want to mess up your kitchen."

"You mean you can't cook."

"Negro please, I can cook." She paused and started laughing. "No, I can't and so what."

We laughed then got back down to the business of burying Hank. I looked over the different prices Meghan was quoted. She decided to go with a memorial service and cremation. I had no objection. I left it up to Uncle Radcliff and Aunt Beth to contact any other friends and relatives they wanted to attend. Hank really didn't speak much of his own family and mainly kept to himself and his business from what I saw. Fortunately for him, his business kept a lot of people fed. That might've earned him at least on point in the here-after.

After Meghan finished with the funeral director we sat and ate breakfast. Like with any good death the door stayed knocking. This time it was my ship that had come in. Hank's lawyer, Mr. Levine had come with great news. Sometimes death isn't so bad. Not when you're alive and get to reap the benefits, if there is any.

"Mr. Levine, please come in." I knew he held good news for me.

"Oscar my condolence, your grandfather was a man of the city. He will be missed by many. Now let's get down to business, if you don't mind. I'm a busy man. I know you'll be having plenty more on your plate after I leave here."

Mr. Levine sat down and opened his briefcase to present me with Hank's last will and testament.

"Oscar he left everything to you. You get the house, fifty percent ownership of the Blue Milk Café. A five-thousand dollar treasury bill, two hundred shares of Exxon Mobile and a key to a safe deposit box from First National Bank."

"What's in the safe deposit box?" I was somewhat curious, not like searching through his sock drawer either. This must've been of some importance I thought.

"That I don't know son. You'll have to go and find out for yourself. I was only his lawyer," he answered.

"Okay Mr. Levine. Let's get this paperwork going. I want the property and stock in my name, also I'll be keeping you as the family attorney if you don't mind."

"I'm here for the family Oscar. I'll call you when the papers are ready to be signed."

Mr. Levine packed the paperwork back into his briefcase, shook my hand and was back out the door. All I could think about was closing shop and going on vacation.

On Christmas Eve at seven o'clock the Junction City Drug Task Force raided the crack house on East Thirteenth Street, Club Opium, Karl's house, Flint's, their parent's homes and a few others. In all, twelve people were arrested, two and a half pounds of cocaine street-valued at over one hundred thousand dollars and seven pounds of marijuana street-valued at eleven thousand five hundred dollars was confiscated. I got the word off the street it was Mavis that snitched. Next, I called Mr. Levine. Coincidently, he had my paperwork ready for signing and informed me of my rights in the event they did try to arrest me. I had him find separate lawyers to post bail for Karl and Flint. That way there was no conflict of interest with any of us. Afterward, I hit the streets hard searching the city for Mavis. I was knocking on all the trap house's doors.

I rode through the Fourteenth Street and Calhoun District, Midway District, Coronado Park District, Twelfth Street park, the Westwood District and the East side. I drove through North Park District, South Park District, Pawnee Park District, the Cottonwood District, Indian Ridge District and the Riverbend District. He wasn't going to hide from me in this city.

At three o'clock in the morning I get a call from a female. She told me that Mavis was definitely the informant. And that he was hiding out at the Homestead Motel on Washington Street. She even gave me the room number then hung up the phone. I guess those threats paid off. I got up and went to my closet and got dressed. My gear was all black. Hoodie, gloves and shoes, no mask and an unregistered black 9mm, equipped with silencer. Now I was ready to even up with Mavis. There was no other choice. By his word alone, he brought down my affiliates and I had to stand behind my own word that I'd kill anybody if I had to. This wouldn't be my first time pulling the trigger.

February 1981, my dad drove me down to Taylor's Lounge on Woodward Avenue. We parked two car lengths from what I knew to be mom's cream colored Thunderbird. It was collecting the fresh falling snow upon its body. The patrons bustled in and out the club doing whatever adults did when they went out. I wasn't sure why we were here. Dad just sat there silently staring at the entrance until he spoke with intensity.

"There he is Oscar. That's the dealer I owe. He's already taken your mother's car and all the money we have. If I don't pay him he says he's going to kill me, rape then kill you."

Fear turned my head away from him. His words scared me and projected pain. Mom's car and dad's debt meant nothing to me. Not even dad getting killed. I didn't care about who he owed. I was a kid. All I heard was this man was going to rape me. My friend from elementary school stayed two streets down from me. He was kidnapped and raped by his mother's boyfriend. They found him dead along the train tracks. I knew what it meant for a boy to get raped by a man. The thought had my heart beating rapidly. Dad kept piercing my heart with his repetitive words of what this man was going to do to me. I began to sweat feeling tingles under my armpits. My legs wouldn't stop shaking. Pure fear is what my nine year old mind told my heart to feel. Dad put a .38cal revolver in my hand and whispered.

"Hurt him before he hurts you, Oscar."

I left the warmth of dad's Fleetwood Cadillac as the smooth sounds of Curtis Mayfield's song Sweet Exorcist played. I gripped the pistol in my hand and walked toward him under the street light by mom's car. The snowflakes were falling slowly. I pointed the pistol. He turned to see me drawing down on him.

"Bullshit! Perry wasn't lying. He said you'd be the one."

Those were his last words. I let that .38cal rip six times then his body fell to the ground. I turned and walked back to dad with traces of wind dried tears on my face.

"See! That's the type of shit I'm talking about! Protect your family Oscar!"

Dad cheered me on like I hit a grand slam for the Detroit Tigers. The car started once I shut the door. Out of all those people that witnessed, nobody said anything. Mom got her car back and dad didn't owe anybody. But I didn't do it for them. I did it for me.

At about five o'clock I opened the garage door, interrupting the still silence of the night. I pushed my Skyway mountain bike out and took my seat. The bike ride was more calming then taking a car. I was able to relax and hear the call of nature from the crickets to the birds. My thoughts were clear. No musical influence, just the elements. The sun had not yet risen. The moon still governed the night amongst the stars and provided light for my journey.

I rode down Elmdale Road and took Old Highway fifty-six over to the Pawnee Park District. Once there, I set my bike by the Buffalo Soldier Memorial and walked the remaining distance to the Homestead. I had plenty of time to turn around but there was a force that kept me moving forward. I couldn't turn back. My approach was quiet and swift. Once I got to his room I shimmied the door open, flicked on the lights and there he lay. I walked over to his bed and tapped him lightly on the head with my pistol. He awoke and seen me before I put two shots in his cranium that put him back to sleep forever.

I eventually made it back home safely, only to find a detective car parked in front of my house. I entered cautiously, surveying the garage along with the first level of the house. Then onward up the stairs where the hallway was darkened. I stepped down the hall to my bedroom and cut the light on. There lay Detective Harmon, handcuffed to the bed and naked.

"What the fuck is going on?" I asked her dumbfounded.

I just got back from killing a man to a naked woman handcuffed to my bed. All I can think about is which hole gets it first. Harmon spread her legs and churned her pelvis inviting me over. Her breast sat perky upright while she moaned from anticipation of what deviant intentions I had for her.

"I'm the one who called and gave you Mavis," she moaned. "Now I'm going to let you have your way with me. I had my way with you in the squad car. When we're finished, you are going to pay me fifty thousand dollars in cash, today and everything is forgotten. This is not a request it's your only choice. Consider it an exchange of Christmas gifts."

"Okay," I replied and slapped her across the face. She shuttered with satisfaction.

"Do it again, harder," she begged.

Wow! Here she is, handcuffed and wants more. I haven't even put anything in her yet. Harmon must be one of them sadomasochist that get off on pain. Well she's in for a pleasurable night of fun and pain with me. I owe her a sweet ass whipping. I might as well add a hard fucking to make it complete. For a fifty thousand dollar pay-off, she will most definitely be receiving me, in all holes and all ways possible. My reputation was beyond belief. I was known for doing it all with blatant disregard.

This year was a hard one but life goes on. I prepared for my first New Year's Eve party at the house. It didn't start until nine o'clock, so I decide to go shopping. I grabbed my keys and left the house. The sun had started to melt most of the snow as the afternoon peaked. I let the engine run until it warmed and called Monty on his cell phone. The shop was closed for the holidays so I knew he'd be at home.

"Hello."

"Monty, Happy New Year."

"Same to you Oscar"

"I was headed to the mall. You wanna go?"

"Yeah, I gotta buy something new to wear for tonight. I can't keep being so damn cheap. I might as well spend a little money?"

"Bullshit. You're going to actually buy this time? No more layaway?"

"Yeah Oscar I've got a few resolutions too."

"No shit! I've been thinking about some but I doubt if they stick. Anyway I'm in the car on the way there shortly."

We arrived at the mall and entered through the food court area. The first person I recognized though it had been a couple of years was Chris. He just happened to be eating at a table with some bitch. He seen us and jumped to his feet immediately.

"Oscar and Monty, it's been a long time. Damn y'all look good!"

Monty stepped between us for all the right reasons. I didn't forget what he did. I was a bit upset at Monty for stepping between us but I couldn't fault him for what's not in him.

"Why didn't you get locked up Chris? Was that your crack in Red's couch?"

"Oscar. I didn't have anything to do with Red getting locked up."

"So why did they let you go?" asked Monty.

"It was all about race, that's what they told me. They said I deserved a chance to make better choices and I did."

His answer was stressed arrogantly. I clinched my fist then hit Chris with a left hook on the chin. His head snapped back before the rest of his body fell to the ground. Bystanders gasped as I walked over him to continue our shopping spree.

"Fuck em," said Monty as he walked by my side. We went into every major department store buying whatever we wanted. I bought sweaters, jackets, shirts, jeans, shoes, ties, cologne, socks and t-shirts. On the way home I stopped at the Liquor store and bought two cases of Moet champagne.

I got back to my house and sat around a couple hours drinking and smoking. Then I took a shower and got dressed. I searched through my shopping bags and pulled out an outfit for tonight. A pair of black slacks, cotton white shirt, wool cashmere tie and suede leather loafers. It was a quarter till nine by the time I finished and regrouped back to the living room. A glance at Red and Leticia's picture on the fireplace prompted me to call. I wanted to see if they were still coming out but only got a recording. I then called Meghan to confirm her attendance once more. She had been very supportive in my time of need. Tonight I was ready for some company.

"Happy New Year Meghan, it's me Oscar."

"Hello I was just about to call. I'm on my way over."

"Alright, the door will be open."

Now the party was about to get moving. I hung up the phone and turned the volume up on the stereo right when Sandy and June came through the door yelling Happy New Year.

They were the first to arrive and I'm glad. I needed someone to set up the champagne table. June didn't mind but Sandy popped the cork on the first bottle of Moet. She poured herself and June a glass to toast in my honor.

"Are Red and Leticia still coming?" asked Sandy.

"I don't know now. I tried to call but the phone wasn't on. You tell me," I replied with uncertainty.

"You know they aren't coming," said June. "She doesn't want Red nowhere near Junction City. That's what I heard. I think she might be jealous of your daughter, Sandy."

"Here we go," I instigated.

"Girl, Red hasn't done anything for Josephine besides send money when he was locked up. It was a thousand dollars here, three thousand dollars there. This went on his whole bid. I did save most of it but when he was released the money stopped. He hasn't even physically seen his daughter yet. Leticia has nothing to be jealous of," she stated.

"Phew. Did you hear that Oscar?"

June laughed but Sandy wasn't. She got all in her feelings talking about Red. I didn't want her to get too upset before the party started and we had already started drinking.

"Just leave it alone y'all." I had to interrupt before Sandy got any more emotional.

"Sorry Oscar," they both apologized respectfully.

"We're about to kick it," I said winking at them both. I raised my glass and toasted in their honor.

A knock on the door signaled guest had arrived. Sandy designated herself Tyler of the door as she rushed off to answer.

"Who is it?" she asked politely looking through the peephole then opened the door. "Hi. You must be?"

"Yes. I'm Pam, Oscar's friend and this is Noble. Is he here?"

"Yeah, c'mon in, Oscar your friends are here."

Pam was wearing a rough red colored, Nike sport bodywear pants with a long sleeve shirt, zipped half way down showing her cleavage. It fit her frame to perfection.

"Nice outfit you got on," I complimented.

She entered the living room along with Noble. Sandy was making snooty, uppity faces behind there back as she trailed in. I really wasn't expecting them to show up. I sent the invitation with my best intentions.

"You want something to drink? We got it all," I offered pointing to the champagne bar and buffet stand.

"I'll go help myself to some champagne," said Noble.

They were introduced to June then joined the party throughout the house. I unbuttoned my jacket, feeling like Hugh Hefner at the Playboy ranch, enjoying others enjoy themselves. I had some money but not the women.

"Where's Red? I figured he'd be here ready to party with a bottle of champagne in hand," said Noble.

"I can't exactly say. They may or might not show. I don't expect them as I didn't expect y'all to actually come. However I'm glad you did. I'm guessing everything is going well in Detroit Noble. Are we still on schedule for the New Year?"

"Oh, he hasn't told you? We're moving here," Pam mentioned.

She sounded excited but that really didn't seem believable

"Oscar we've got business to discuss later," said Noble.

Then, I overhear Sandy telling Pam how Red hasn't seen his daughter yet and she was almost two as she dragged on.

"I'm going to get Josephine and he's going to see her," she slurred heading for the door but June stopped her from leaving.

"You're better than this," June told her. "And you need another drink."

The doorbell rang and I went to the door and was greeted with a surprise.

"Happy New Year Oscar!" smiled Leticia. "You clean up so nice," she teased.

"You're looking pretty yourself." That was the best reply I could come up with. She came by herself. I walked with her over to the champagne and we toasted in her honor and Red in his absence.

"I see you aren't one to miss a good party Leticia. Where's Red?"

I was curious as to why he hadn't come back to the city since he was released.

"I couldn't have missed your first New Year's party. Regardless if he showed or not," she said sticking her tongue out playfully.

"Are y'all fighting? Where's he at?"

"Long story Oscar."

She pulled me by the arm leading me into the kitchen where Noble was helpfully pulling the ham out of the oven for June while she stirred a pot of greens. Sweat beads dropped down the side of her face, yet once again June was making wonderful things happen without being asked.

"Noble, you remember Leticia? She came to Detroit with me and Red."

"Yeah I heard about you kicking off in his ass," he laughed.

She turned to me and whispered.

"Does he know about Pam and Red?"

"I don't know," I shrugged.

We then did a U-turn out the kitchen door bumping into Pam on our way out.

"Excuse me," said Leticia.

"That was my fault. I saw you coming," Pam smiled and stepped aside.

"Oscar, you have a pretty friend and she knows it."

"Thanks Pam. You remember her fiancé Red I'm sure."

"That's right. I remember. Maybe next time Leticia should try joining us. Noble wouldn't mind it either," flirted Pam.

"Y'all must have forgotten we're on New Year's Eve not a Roman-Caligula Holiday Pam. There's no need to entice the party to orgies just yet," I joked.

"Funny Oscar but we're going to take our time and have fun tonight," replied Pam.

"Like you did with Red, Pam?" Leticia said.

"Don't bring that up please. It was so long ago and yet I remember it very vividly," she shot back.

And of course Sandy entered the conversation with her drunken comment.

"I spent all of high school drooling and following him around. I even gave up my virginity to him and for what?" Sandy was clearly drunk now.

"You're right Sandy," said June, entering the conversation offering smokes.

"Let's drop it?" I said.

The small cipher dispersed as Noble approached me.

"You got company at the door," he said.

I unlocked my arms and went to the door. Meghan stood casually dressed with jeans and a sweater.

"Well this is just what the party needed." I introduced her to everybody except June who came up to her with open arms.

"Meghan!" June cried out breaking into tears. "I haven't seen you in years."

They hugged and June cried with joy. Afterwards, she wiped her tears and recomposed herself. It turns out Meghan use to be her 'big sister' through the Boys and Girls Club program. It was a pure, comical coincidence.

"I guess it's been a long time June. I see you've grown into a woman," Meghan stated proudly.

"You were such a boost to my self-esteem Meghan. I remember the trips to Skate Junction, the zoo and you even took me to Worlds of Fun in Kansas City. You helped me study for tests and assisted me with my homework. I even graduated with honors. I just want to thank you so much for taking time out of your life to help me become a better person," she said.

June completed her first semester of college at Kansas State with ease and on her way to becoming a social worker. My party was more of celebrating each other's accomplishments. I had plenty of friends, family and co-workers over that night. The house was full of cheers and joy. We partied until the countdown. Sandy went around the room filling and refilling drinks, but kept a whole bottle of Moet to herself. She stumbled and bumped into others as she was noticeably drunk off her ass. Some guest danced to R&B tunes of the eighties and nineties, while others played spades and backgammon in the den.

"Excuse me Monty. Do you mind if I borrow your friend?" Noble asked.

"Go ahead. Just remember what I told you Oscar," he said raising his glass at me.

"Was I interrupting?"

"No you weren't. We were just discussing some business but nothing major. Monty's into the stock market now. He wants me to look at some companies he's been researching. That's his new hobby. Anyway, what's up?"

"I've got some bad news. We lost our plug," he stated bluntly.

I motioned him to follow me outside into the backyard. We went down to the Gazebo and sat.

"Now explain to me how this happened," I requested.

"Our Dearborn connection got picked up by I.N.S. and the F.B.I. in connection with some terrorist shit. I got up out of there, before the investigations and indictments started. Here, I can start over again. We can build something bigger Oscar. This place has potential and I'm ready to get out this street hustler's lifestyle. You should think about it too."

Noble was serious about his choice to stay in Junction City. However, I wasn't ready to make my decision yet as we headed back inside. Meghan stood sipping champagne when I came by and grabbed her hand. We stepped out on the makeshift dance floor in the living room as Zapp and Roger's song Computer Love played.

"They look good together Sandy," said June holding onto Monty's arm.

"Don't they girl. I just hope she knows she won't be able to keep him. How old is she anyway?" asked Leticia.

"I think twenty nine, but not sure," answered June.

"That woman doesn't look over twenty five and damn, look at her body," Monty said in admiration.

"All right everyone," slurred June turning the music down. "It's time to countdown."

We all were holding glasses of champagne raised high and counted down, 10, 9, 8, 7, 6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1, "Happy New Year!"

The party soon shrunk to a small gathering. June passed out on the couch with Monty. Sandy, Leticia and Pam sat at the dining room table drinking the remainder of the champagne. Noble slept on the recliner and I was in the kitchen washing dishes when the door knocked.

"The parties over," shouted Sandy staggering to the door with her champagne glass in hand.

"Who is it?" she slurred.

"It's me Red."

She opened the door without hesitating.

"Red!"

"Hey Sandy Happy New Year," he said hugging her.

"I thought you weren't coming?"

"Where's Leticia?" Red smiled.

"Whatever. Come on in here boy. Everybody! Red's home," she announced escorting him into the house.

"Red. Damn you've grown," said Pam.

"How's it going Oscar?" he asked hugging me.

"You got it. I'm just maintaining."

"Monty! Is that you?"

Red was amazed probably because Monty grew into a well-established man far from where he was some years ago.

"Hey Red," Monty smiled hugging him. "What brings you home?"

"Whoa, I'm not home yet bro. Oscar. Who is she?"

Red was motioning over to Meghan.

"My fault, that's my friend Meghan. We met a while ago, she's cool."

I introduced the two as they shook hands. We all went and sat in the dining room.

"Red, I'm glad you decided to come. I'll see you in the morning," said Sandy.

Monty went back to the couch with June and Sandy went upstairs.

"I see you still know how to party Oscar. Even without me," Red bragged patting me on the back. I looked at my watch. It was almost three in the morning.

"It's about time for me to go as well. It was nice meeting you Red," yawned Meghan.

"Same here," he replied.

I walked Meghan out to her car as she grabbed hold of my hand.

"Thank you for coming," I said gratefully.

"I enjoyed myself. You're family and friends are very interesting."

"I know you probably got some jokes about them all."

"Who me?" she laughed.

Meghan got on her toes and put her arms around me then kissed my lips before I went back up the walkway and shut the door.

Meanwhile, Red and Leticia sat in the den discussing their relationship. She had wants and needs to be addressed. He wasn't trying to hear it. Red was still that same selfish individual, getting what he needed first. But, in the midst of their talks they managed to help clean up the party mess before we all winded down. It took about another hour to straighten up the house. I sat back down in the dining room because Monty slept on the couch. Red followed and sat in the chair across from me.

"Twist the weed up cousin," he said still wide awake.

I went and got the tray from under the couch.

"What kind do you have this time Oscar?"

"You know I keep that West Coast Chronic in my stash nowadays cousin."

I brought out another bottle of champagne from the kitchen for us to sip, while we caught up.

"Are you still smoking joints? Oscar you should've twisted a blunt," he frowned with an unacceptable tone.

"I got tired of stuffing my weed in that tobacco leaf so I quit smoking them. Red, I started smoking weed from joints and that's how I'm going to keep it. Fuck a blunt," I gestured with my middle finger and tilted the bottle to my mouth. Red passed the joint simultaneously.

"It's been a long time, Oscar."

"Almost three years, Red. I see you got bigger. What was you doin? Fuckin' the weights," I laughed.

"That shit ain't funny. You know there's no mercy in that place, just cold hearted individuals who only want to see you hurt as much as they are."

"What? I thought it was supposed to an easy bid for you."

Red shook his head disappointed.

"I was behind the wall in maximum security with real killers, murderers and rapist. A lot of those guys were doing hard time with no hope of getting out. They didn't care what they did to anybody. I was fuckin lucky and made lots of money while I was in there."

"Did you fuck any dudes in there or get raped?" I know my question was of a personal nature but I asked anyway and got a disgusted look back from Red.

"That's fucked up Oscar. You don't think I'm strong enough to protect myself and go over three years without pussy? First, I wasn't fuckin any pussy the first fourteen years of my life. Second, I don't need no man's asshole or mouth to get me off. Third, there's just a blatant disregard for life before and after you go in. Last thing, nigga fuck you."

And that was his answer.

"Anyway, how did you take Hank's death? It just didn't feel the same walking up to the porch knowing he wouldn't be sitting out there."

This must have been his way of changing the subject, so I went along with it.

"Hank died well over three weeks ago. I think I'm good now. "

"Did he get buried or cremated?"

"I cremated him then spread his ashes all down Washington Street. He was from the streets and I'm sure he appreciated being able to rest in them. We all gotta go one day."

"Amen. Did he leave you any money?"

"Nope, but he did leave me this house though."

"At least you got a place to stay. Fuck it."

I stood up and stretched while walking over to the window.

"How's KU or Lawrence should I say, because I know you aren't in school? I see Lil Red Boy's gotten bigger, with his little bad ass and Leticia's looking pregnant again."

"I didn't know she sent you pictures or anything."

"So, is she pregnant?"

"Yup, I guess she got pregnant after I moved there. I don't know when she's due."

"What about her scholarship?"

"She still has it. She said something about being a special education teacher after she graduates."

"That's cool. You know she led Junction City to back-to-back Debate championship," I bragged.

"Too bad I missed all the fun. I'm surprised she stayed with me."

"Are you still on medication?"

"Hell no, I was never on that. It was just a scam to get the pills and sell them to those lifers in prison. That shit fucks with your dick and I'm not that damn crazy like they thought," he laughed. "How's dear Uncle Radcliff doing? Is he still fussing about his money?"

"Naw, he had a stroke. I haven't put anybody permanent in charge yet. Why? Are you trying to get your old job back?"

"That's behind me. I'm doing bigger things I told you. I see you got a new Acura."

"Yeah, the Police Department held their summer auction so you know I had to get it."

Red slapped me five.

"Right on. Do you mind if we crash here for a couple of days? I got a couple of people to see. You know what I mean?"

"I'm not asking you any questions, Red."

"And I won't tell you any lies, Oscar."

Red showed back up to my house early before noon with Noble and a bottle Belvedere vodka. They headed for the basement. He stayed with me longer than expected. Leticia went back to Lawrence but it was good to have him around again. His personality seemed to have changed if that's possible. Noble and Pam were adjusting to their new house they bought in the Indian Ridge District. However, I don't think it was all her idea to move out here. I got up from the couch and followed them into the basement with a joint twisted, ready to smoke. June, Sandy and Meghan sat at the dining room table playing Scrabble and eating fruit salad.

"Hey Red and Noble," spoke June.

"Happy Valentine's Day y'all," answered Red blowing June and Sandy kisses.

"Damn. It is Valentine's Day, huh?" I said aloud.

"Yes Red it is," Meghan said intensely. "I thought you were taking me out downtown? Didn't you say you made reservations?"

"Yea, but I plan on getting drunk right now so I don't have to later."

I wasn't sure how she took my answer but that's what it was. I had company waiting so I just left her to complain to June.

Down in the basement Red, Noble and I watched ESPN smoking weed and drinking.

"There's something I don't get about women," slurred Noble.

"What's that?" asked Red.

"Why can't they understand a man is just a man?"

"Good question. If you find out, let me know," I replied raising the bottle.

"No. I'm serious." Noble stood up and slammed the Belvedere down his throat. "Take my wife for example."

Red sat up in his chair and took a sip of his drink before lighting the joint.

"You didn't get that divorce did you Noble? I bet you're still married?" stated Red.

"Still am," he answered stumbling over the end table.

"Is she still in Detroit?" I asked.

"I don't know where the bitch is at. She left me." Noble tried to be serious but his drunkenness made him more entertaining instead.

"Why did she leave you Noble? Was it because of Pam?" I was really asking out of concern for her.

"Cause she caught me cheating' on her with another bitch before Pam. That's why."

Red passed the joint to Noble who kept talking. "It's like this. I went out to the club one night and my wife took the kids to the movies. I met up with this bitch that was super fine. I'm talking perfect measurement type shit. Long straight hair and the prettiest eyes you'll ever see. She was so fine," he gabbed on.

"I hear ya! Go' on head!" Red hollered.

"The bitch said she wanted to come home with me so I took her. It was early, so I thought I had time.'

"You took this woman to your own house?" I asked in awe. "That's bold Noble, real bold."

"Oscar I was fucked up. I sniffed some cocaine, smoked some weed and had already been drinkin'. We got to my house and the bitch just starts takin' off her clothes. Right there in front of me."

"For real?" smiled Red.

"I was so fucked up, hell I started getting undressed with the crazy bitch. Then we sat down and did some lines butt naked. After that, she was willing and ready for whatever."

"Is that when you fucked her?" Red asked vulgarly.

"Not before she sucked me off. I'm talkin' hooker style type suckin'. Man, this bitch could suck a dick." Noble placed his hand on his crotch rubbing and reminiscing as he finished his story. "Now I take her and bend her over my wife's Victorian couch and I'm givin' it to her from behind, bangin' and grabbin' her hair. Well my wife decides to come home earlier than what I thought. So there I am."

"You got busted?" I guessed.

"That ain't the half of it Oscar. She calls out my name but I keep goin'. She called it out again and I start fuckin' her harder. Next I hear, "Noble! You son-of-a bitch! I'm gonna kill you! That's when I realized it wasn't the bitch callin' me but my wife."

"You're fuckin' crazy," laughed Red.

"But check this out. I hear her walking off screamin' "kids, pretend you didn't see that. Noble! You better be gone before I come back down these stairs. I tell the bitch, 'If you want to live I suggest we get the fuck outta here.' We grabbed our clothes, tryin' to put em on as we ran out the door to the car. I started it up and peeled out. Not before my wife came outside rippin shots from her .380 semi-automatic that broke my back window."

"And that explains why you got that apartment with Pam when we came for a visit," roared Red in laughter.

"Yup, I kept her and haven't looked back since."

"Whatcha gonna do now that you're here?" asked Red.

"I don't know. I might go into the club business. I ain't seen a decent one around her yet."

I thought about it too.

"That doesn't sound bad. The city could use another club, plus it'd beat going out of town all the time. It could work. How much you got to start?" I asked.

Noble reached in his back pocket, pulled out his wallet and showed us an American Express card before turning his wallet upside down.

"That's what I got," he answered.

Red drank the last sip out the bottle and laughed.

"No cash? What happened?"

"Idiot this is cash on credit," he laughed back.

"At least it's American Express," I said.

Hours later I was turning the channel then stopped on the local late night news. They were showing footage of two male bodies found buried and decomposed in Rather Park. The cause of death was unknown at the time.

"Did y'all hear that? Noble!" I shook him by the leg waking him up then he bent over and threw up on the floor. Red heard the vomit and jumped up.

"Shit man! It's time for me to go turn a couple of corners, Oscar. I'll catch y'all later."

Red went upstairs walking pass the living room where Sandy sat watching television.

"Leaving already?" she asked.

"Oscar's got company downstairs throwing up. Can you give me a ride?"

"I'd love to give you a ride, Red." She poked her finger into his chest. "Let me get my shoes on and I'll meet you in the car."

"Thanks Sandy."

They drove through the night and it was quiet until Sandy broke her silence. Red knew she would start speaking soon enough.

"Do you plan on seeing your daughter?"

"Yes I do, when I have time I'll come by and see her."

"No. How about we go to my parent's house now and see her?"

"Are you sure about that Sandy?"

"Yes. Why?"

"You're biting on your nails, so I know something is on your mind."

With that she decided to take out some frustrations on him.

"Now that you've mentioned it Red, something is on my mind. How come you haven't made any effort to see your daughter since you were released?"

"Oh. That's bothering you."

Her question irritated Red's ear. He already hears enough from Leticia about the children.

"Yes it is! I understand you're with Leticia and y'all have a son, but damn you do have another child in this world! And why didn't you choose me and your daughter to be with instead of her?" she cried. "You said you loved me in all your letters and I didn't even care about the money."

"Awe baby I meant it and still do. I sent the money so you didn't have to work or worry about Josephine's expenses and finish school. Leticia and I have a whole different story then we share, Sandy. You know this, right?"

She turned to him with a twist in her lips.

"You must think I'm stupid! You've been up in her ass since elementary school boy. I had to give you some pussy, just to get noticed and look what I got instead. You ain't shit, Red!"

"True and look at us now. We've got a beautiful daughter and I still love you. I'm even thinking of moving back to Junction City and being closer to all of y'all."

"Are you serious Red? What about Leticia? Are you going to just leave her in Lawrence to raise your son alone like you did me?"

Sandy seemed more upset at his comment and attacked his character.

"Honest baby, I mean it."

The softness and sincerity in Red's voice kept her vulnerable as they pulled into her parent's driveway in the North Park District.

"Are you going to come in?"

"Only, if you want."

"If I didn't, I wouldn't have asked. Now come in, say hi to my parents and see your daughter Red," she demanded with a content smile.

The next morning Red came down to breakfast, just in time as I had just finished cooking. Most importantly I wanted to speak with him about any real future plans or goals he may have had or thought about. I didn't have any more time to waste.

"Morning, Oscar, I had a rough night," he said sitting down at the table. "Probably from all that liquor we drank."

"Speaking of, how'd you get home last night?"

"Sandy gave me a ride," he said humping and smacking the air.

"Don't tell me y'all starting that up again. You know she has real feelings for you Red."

"Hell naw, I just told her what she needed to hear. Then I went and met her parents for the first time as well as Josephine. It was great and my little girl is beautiful."

"What's your plan now Red? Are you staying in Junction or going back to Lawrence?"

"Shit, I'm taking my ass back to Lawrence," he stated sharply.

"I decided I'm leaving the street hustle behind Red. Noble made a good point about the club business. You're more than welcome to partner up with us. I can't traffic anymore."

"Well Oscar, it's all I know. Before you got here, while I was locked up and even now, the hustle is and always will be in me."

"Ok, but I'm offering you a way out."

"Thanks cousin but I can find my way out if I found my way in."

I finished my breakfast and went back upstairs to shower. Before I'm about to get in, my cell phone rings.

"Hi Oscar," said the calm voice.

"Who's this?"

"Leticia. Have you forgotten about me already?"

"Hey girl you know that won't happen. What's up? Yes, Red is still here with me if that's what you want to know." I wanted to reassure her that everything was okay if that was her concern.

"Thanks, but that's not why I'm calling. Actually I'm glad he's there because he's scaring me Oscar. He's so jealous. I can't leave the house unless I'm going to school. He doesn't even leave the house when he's here. What can I do?" she whimpered.

"Hold on, I got a beep."

"Hey babe, it's me," answered Meghan.

I told her to hold on but Leticia had hung up.

"What's going on Meghan?"

"Nothing, I just thought we could get together for lunch. Are you busy?"

"How about one o'clock at the Pusan Diner?"

I hung up and opened my dresser drawer, taking out a half pint of Belvedere. I twisted off the cap and swallowed. Then I carried the bottle to my bed and flopped down naked reaching for my tray and twisted a joint. I relaxed until one o'clock and yes I was late. Of course I didn't bother to put on anything sharp, just an old pair of Levis, hooded sweatshirt and a pair of Nikes. I brushed my teeth, put on deodorant and brushed my hair before going to Pusan's.

Meghan was dressed in her blue and white work scrubs sitting at the table eating radish kimchi.

"I guess this really is lunch for you," I said sitting down.

"Hi. I already ordered for us."

"You did? What am I eating?"

"You're having the Bul go gi dinner and I'm having the lunch special. Now go wash your hands."

I shook my head and chuckled at her assertiveness before walking to the bathroom. She noticed my pants sagging and flipped. It embarrassed and bothered her when a guy wore his pants that way. I didn't intentionally cause my pants to sag they were my correct size, just loose fit. She dropped her chopsticks on the plate and charged after me into the bathroom.

"Why are you wearing those scrappy ass clothes with your pants hanging down? You look like a damn hood or thug Oscar."

I finished pissing and stepped over to the sink and washed my hands while she waited for an answer.

"I asked you a question!"

"What's your problem?"

"Everybody I know talks about you like you're all that or something. What are they seeing that I'm missing?"

"C'mon Meghan, this is the men's bathroom and you are overreacting. I just slipped these clothes on for comfort."

"I don't give a damn! You don't have to dress like you still sell drugs on the block, goodness!"

I dried my hands and walked back to the table. She was following behind me with her arms folded and pouting. The food was already at the table when we sat down.

"I can't believe you Oscar. After all I've done."

"I'm sorry. Did I miss that part?"

She clinched her fist around the fork staring at me.

"You better not touch that food until we say grace either," she ordered.

I dug in my pocket and pulled out a fifty dollar bill, threw it on the table and got up.

"Where're you going?"

"I got better things to do then argue with someone who isn't my woman. I'll see you around Meghan."

"Fine, take your ass on. I don't need your young ass anyway!"

"I bet you don't," I said putting my hands in pocket. "You've got a life and career already, remember? I'm just keeping it moving, Meghan."

She jumped up and grabbed my arm and causing a bigger scene as the owner shouted.

"Take outside please," in her Korean accent.

"What are you trying to say Oscar? I told you I would do anything for you."

"Nobody has to do anything for me. I'm an able body and I'll get mines, Meghan."

I walked out confused and frustrated about her but I didn't look back. I liked her but she tried to place too many demands too early. I thought she was the woman worth giving my time to.

I stretched my long limbs and stepped out the car at the rest stop. It was mid-afternoon when I decided to drive to Lawrence. No rental car or map was needed to drive the one hour and twenty minute drive across I-70 to surprise Red and Leticia. It was my first time actually going to Lawrence and the scenic view was relaxing and picturesque. The land was plain and flat but had a few rolling hills and plenty of cattle and horses to keep my citified self in awe of real nature. There couldn't be much comparison of Detroit or Junction City to this. I didn't see any big city concrete or steel, only plenty of trees and grass. Also, ranches with acres of land and big homes. I guess it does pay to be a farmer sometime. I arrived at the exit then called Leticia, but her phone went to voicemail. All I had after that was the address from the Christmas card. I pulled into a gas station asking for directions.

"Excuse me sir. Can you tell me how to get to Eleventh and Massachusetts Street?"

The elderly gas station attendant pointed in a south direction and kept about his business. I was a bit puzzled by his direction but followed it anyway. I kept straight down the street I was on, crossed over a bridge and ended up downtown on Massachusetts Street. I was quite impressed at how busy it was. There were clubs, clothing shops, trendy boutiques, theaters and eateries that laced Massachusetts Street. College students and other local residents lounged around the city park without a care in the world. I was now in Jayhawk country. The university's campus was off of Iowa Street but I wasn't about to go sightseeing just yet. My main objective was to stay on Massachusetts until I reached Eleventh Street. Fortunately their streets were numbered like Junction City's, so it wasn't too hard to find. Lawrence was a thriving city and I couldn't believe they weren't enjoying it the way they should. Finally, I arrived at the address, pulled out the Christmas card and double checked the address. It matched so I got out leaving the car door open and rested my elbows on the roof of the car. I'm sure the residents didn't appreciate this eye soar on their main street.

The house was small, older and gray in color. There were no curtains to be seen in the window, only newspapers and bed sheets. The fence surrounding the front yard was hanging off the links with trash scattered across the lawn. I took one more look at the address before closing the door and walking up the broken pavement to the front door.

The doorbell consisted of two wires sticking out the doorframe. I knocked instead, almost regretting the surprise visit until the door opened. A head peaked out sideways from behind the door. I positioned my head the same way as we made eye contact. Then the door flung open and there stood Leticia pregnant and ready to pop.

"Oscar! My god! What are you doing here?"

"Glad to see you too."

We embraced in a long comforting hug.

"Please come in. Excuse my home. I usually don't have company over. Sit down."

She started picking up clothes and old newspapers off the chair.

"Where are Red and Lil Red Boy at?"

Leticia hung her head low.

"I don't know where Red is. He hasn't been home since last night and Lil Red Boy is sleeping in his room. He'll be happy to see you though."  
"What's going on Leticia? This doesn't seem like you or Red."

She popped her head up.

"Thanks for the reminder" she said sarcastically then looked out the front window. "He's changed Oscar and I'm scared to think of what he's doing out there. Ever since this guy showed up, Red's been acting weird."

"Is he working?"

"Right," she laughed. "All he does is eat and shit. I haven't seen him sleep in a while. I'm scared."

I stood up behind her putting my hand on her shoulder.

"Have you told him he scares you?"

"Yeah and he told me not to be scared but frightened to death. I had nobody else to call."

She turned around holding my hand and rubbing her stomach with the other.

"Do I still look good pregnant Oscar?"

"You still look nice Leticia. When are you due?"

"Next month I hope. Would you like to feel the baby move?"

"That'd be a first. Sure."

My hand rested on her stomach until I felt the baby move.

"Did you feel the baby?"

"Yes!"

"The baby must've felt your touch."

I backed away and sat down on the couch. Leticia stared at me with hopeless eyes.

"You're a big help Oscar."

I hid my true concern and asked for a drink.

"Red has some Hennessey under that end table. I'll get you a glass."

I poured a shot, drank it then poured another one.

"Do you like it here? I bet it's quiet."

I was trying to make light of her heavy situation.

"It was until last week. There's been a heavy flow of violent attacks around the campus and throughout the city. A few couples reported home invasions and being beaten last week. Then over Spring break another male student was killed right in front of his apartment. How's that for quiet?" she boasted.

"Bullshit! Why haven't I heard about it on the news?"

"It's been playing here constantly and the targeted victims were Hispanic but it's got me scared to go to class."

We sat and conversed through dinner and watched a movie. Later I read some books with Lil Red Boy. He just turned three years old. It was late night when Red finally came home. Leticia had already gone to sleep as I lay on the living room floor. Red kicked my feet awaking me. I sat up on the floor and Red sat on the couch picking up the empty bottle of cognac.

"Too much liquor, that's all," he stated.

"When did you get in Red?"

"No. The question is when did you get here, Oscar?"

"I got in this afternoon. I needed to get away so I drove out for a visit, surprise!" I slurred.

Red went into the kitchen and started preparing himself breakfast. He pulled out bacon, eggs, grits and bread for toast.

"Tell me about your female troubles Oscar."

"What?"

"Is it Meghan?" he teased.

"No, I came out to check on y'all and see how the other half of life lives."

"How long you stayin' for?"

"Long as it takes."

Red set a plate on the table for himself and me. We ate in silence the whole time. When he finished, Red put his plate in the sink then went into the bedroom. I finished the remainder of my food, washed the dishes then returned to the floor falling back asleep.

In the morning, I helped them get things together around the house. Lil Red Boy and I cleaned up the front yard and fixed the fence. Then we went to K-Mart to buy curtains for the windows and other household items. I wasn't sure what Red was up to with his new buddy and it wasn't my business to ask. Either way, the work his son and I put in the house had a noticeable and positive change.

For the next couple of weeks the routine of the house was the same. Leticia went to school while Red stayed out and I watched Lil Red Boy. We walked up and down Massachusetts stopping for lunch at Pyramid Pizza, then to South Park for play. Red didn't offer to take me out or go anywhere with him. That was peculiar behavior, seeing how we used to ride everywhere together. Instead, I would walk across the street every night after Leticia got home, to the Brother's bar. There I had myself a shot of tequila and a corona. I didn't mind partying alone. It actually was fun and almost enticing to stay.

After a long afternoon of visiting the museum, KU campus and cutting the grass, I sat down on the porch to relax. My labor was over so, I enjoyed the remainder of the day with Lil Red Boy. He rode up and down the sidewalk on his new bicycle we bought at the store, for helping me. The calm atmosphere of Lawrence is what I needed. It took my mind off the city for a while. But my thoughts were interrupted by my cell phone that I shouldn't have answered.

"Hi Oscar it's me Meghan. I haven't seen or heard from you for some time now. How are you?"

There was silence between the lines.

"Oscar. Are you there?"

"I'm here."

"I want another chance Oscar. I want to be around you and I apologize for my behavior in Pusan's. It won't happen again. I know you're an ambitious individual, I respect you for that. Oscar, don't make this hard on me. I miss you. Can I come over?"

I wasn't sure how to take her words. I was unsure of where I was in life. Did I want to be in a relationship? Did I need her? What's the benefit of our relationship? Was I ready to commit? My answers to my own questions were no and none even though I liked this woman.

"I'd like that, but I'm out of town, Meghan."

"Okay baby, call me when you get in, please."

I shook my head knowing I should've told her my true intentions. I really didn't want much more from her, just sex and conversation. She was very attractive and pleasing to the eye, a college graduate with a career and some good pussy. Naturally, she was worth my time.

Leticia came waddling up the sidewalk carrying her book bag when Lil Red Boy jumped off his bicycle and ran to her.

"Mommy!"

She knelt down with open arms to embrace him, waving to me.

"I see someone cleaned up around here Lil Red Boy," she said kissing and tickling him.

Leticia made her way to the porch where I stood and I greeted her with a hug and kiss on the cheek.

"Before I forget Oscar, I brought you something."

She handed me a bag of weed followed up with a kiss.

"That's my way of saying thanks for being a friend."

Red came home that night earlier than most nights. He was wearing the same clothes from yesterday. His hair was uncombed and smelled like he hadn't bathed. He looked strung out on drugs to me. He gave Leticia a kiss before taking a seat on the couch between us.

"You've been smokin' Oscar. Where's it at?"

"Let's go on the back porch," I suggested.

Red pulled out a half pint of Hennessey from his back pocket walking out the door. Leticia waved to get my attention. "Thank you" she whispered then sat back down, rubbing her stomach. We unfolded the lawn chairs and sat glancing into the night sky drinking and smoking.

"Red. Remember career day in school? All those folks coming up asking us what we wanted to be when we grew up."

"I only went to school with you one year and we never had a career day. What the hell are you talking about?"

"You know what I'm talking about, like in elementary school."

"Get the fuck outta here with that shit."

Red passed the cognac as he hit the joint.

"Alright then let's talk about Leticia. How do you plan on easing her mind?"

"Ease her mind. What the hell's wrong with her now?"

"You Red," I stated the obvious. "She wants you to stop coming in late, help around the house and with your son. What are you up to anyway? And who is this guy you're running with? Are y'all selling or just getting high?"

"Fool! You must be sick. I don't do housework and stay the fuck out of my business Oscar."

"That's what I'm talking about. I've been here over three weeks and I don't even know what you're doing. I haven't even been introduced to this guy? I thought we were better than this. She's scared Red, hell I'm scared for her."

"Scared of who? Me? Fuck her! All she does is go to school. I pay all these damn bills and this bitch won't even fuck or give me head! Fuck her and you!"

We now stood facing each other. Red had a three inch advantage over me. Of course he doesn't stop fighting once he gets going and I had my gun with me for all occasions. I wouldn't be caught without it.

"It ain't gotta be like this Red and you need to quit yelling."

He stayed frowned up as we faced off and I hoped he didn't give me a reason to draw down on him.

"Nigga you don't know me! I will hurt you!"

"I'm not tryin' to beef with you Red. All I'm sayin' is that she's pregnant with your baby."

He had me nervous as I gripped my gun. I'd do it if I had to.

"There ain't a guarantee the baby's mine. I was locked up, remember?"

Red didn't say anything else. He just looked me up and down with hapless eyes then sat back down. I sat down as well. We finished the last of the cognac and joint then returned inside. I slept on the couch until daybreak then packed up and left quietly out the door, cutting my visit shorter than expected. My part had been played and it was time to get back to my own reality. Red changed so much it was hard to determine if he really had lost it. I pray he hadn't. Leticia had put her heart into loving him and their kids. I hope she has enough sense to leave before he thinks about hurting her. I loved them and prayed for their safety.

After I got back, I went down to the Blue Milk where June had kept the place running. I wasn't that good at managing people but liked to conduct business. That's all I knew. Luckily I had friends willing to partake in my ambitious ideas. We sat in the same booth Fannetta and I sat in when we first got here, talking over lunch. She told me that Pam and Noble came in for dinner last week arguing over home repairs and just being in Junction City. Their house was a foreclosed, rehab and she didn't want to put any more money into it. Noble was being unreasonable about going back. I knew this place wasn't for her. It wasn't Detroit. Then again no place is like home. Hers was there so she left. June also heard them speaking about me and Red but to what extent she wasn't sure.

The following week I went downtown to see Mr. Levine concerning my ownership papers. It was time to do the right thing and start fresh with my clean money. I had earned enough through trafficking and didn't intend on living that life forever anyway. Change is inevitable but I've come accustomed to evolving more so than changing.

Same Game Different Name

June brought my breakfast plate into the dining lounge that I added on to the café a few years ago for business dinners and meetings. She discovered her talent for cooking and enrolled at the Culinary Art Institute in Kansas City. After graduating, she came right back to the café and added a gourmet side to our classic menu. Business really spiked. Of course we got rid of all the undesirables within a mile radius, thanks to influential friends of the family. They were city councilmen and police officers from the city and wanted to see the café restored to prominence. Now, more people from all economic and social backgrounds frequent the café. I was proud of that and June.

I had just gotten off a twelve-hour shift at Geary County Hospital as the admissions clerk. It was the first place I applied that hired me after I graduated from Kansas State University with a bachelor's degree in Sociology. Even though my heart was in business, I didn't think I needed a degree to run one. I wanted to give back to the community and those in need. I'll admit that Meghan did have some influence on my decision. She took great care of Hank when he was in that nursing home and I still thank her for it. However, I didn't realize how many people actually needed more than just medical attention. My first day on the job produced a teenage boy brought in for an intravenous cocaine overdose. I did the intake and asked him if he shared needles.

"Only with my grandma but she's diabetic. Why? Can I catch diabetes from her?" he asked.

It wasn't funny but sometimes ignorance is hilarious. I informed him of the risk factors involved with sharing drug needles. He helped me realize why I took the job and at the end of each shift I come down to the Blue Milk café for breakfast. This was the schedule I adjusted my life to. It was meaningful and peaceful.

"Oscar. How do y'all expect to work twelve hour shifts on opposite schedules and have a marriage?" asked June. She sat at the table smoking a cigarette watching me play with my food. Her legs were crossed and arms folded waiting on answer.

"How do you do it?" I asked.

I was hoping she would be able to give me an answer I could use.

"Honey, I'm not the one to give advice about marriage."

She stabbed her cigarette butt into the ashtray, shaking her head off.

"I need a positive answer June."

She and Monty had gotten married after she came back from school. They had been discreetly dating for years. Their wedding and reception was held at St. Xavier's church with a Winter Wonderland theme. It was the first wedding I participated in. It gave me the opportunity to determine whether I could walk down the aisle, jump the broom, tie the knot or be committed for a lifetime. I pushed my plate away with a loss of appetite, just as the café's phone rang. The caller ID didn't show the blocked caller's name.

"June, you made breakfast so the least I can do is answer the phone. I'm not above doing some customer service you know."

"Hey babe it's me. You didn't answer your cell phone."

"Oh hey, Meghan," I sighed. "I was just speaking about you. Are you on your way to work?"

"No, I've taken the day off, remember? Did you get my message?"

"Sorry I haven't checked my voicemail. What's up?"

"Your buddy is here today and needs a lift from the bus station."

"Who're you talking about?"

"Our favorite guy Red, anyway I'll see you soon."

I hung up the phone staring blankly and June waited for some gossip.

"Pam's coming in?" she asked.

"I wish, but Red's here," I answered with mixed emotions.

"I thought he was in prison?"

"That's what I thought. Anyway, he's a grown man. I quit holding his hand years ago," I said sternly.

"That's right. Red has to be a man whatever that consist of."

I eventually picked him up and we rode down Washington Street passing the Blue Milk café' Red seemed a bit jittery but eventually relaxed when we passed. After eluding the Junction City police, he was arrested in Lawrence as a suspect in a murder investigation. Leticia had gotten a restraining order against him when he punched her for changing the locks. All this happened shortly after I left. She carried the baby full term and had another boy named Thalace. Red was just released from Leavenworth Federal Penitentiary. He served another thirty three months for conspiracy to traffic drugs across three county lines. I guess his buddy didn't' produce much of what Red had expected.

"It feels good to be home, Oscar. I saw Chris in Leavenworth. He was serving seven years for trading stolen military issue guns for gold to some Iraqs. They caught him trying to smuggle it out the country in his luggage. He did apologize for leaving that sack of crack in my couch after telling me about y'all run in at the mall too," he laughed.

"Damn. He got what he deserved. You should be thankful you were able to make it out. Hopefully you stay out."

"I guess. How's Monty doing?"

"He's doing better after franchising the business. Now he's got a shop on each side of town. Him and June got married and bought a house in the Westwood District. Anyway, how long are you here for?"

"Damn. Did I ask you that when you moved here?"

"It isn't that. I got some things going on and I don't need any distractions. I'm engaged now Red."

"Who gives a shit?" he stated blatantly.

The police had come by my house last year questioning me about Red's whereabouts and his involvement with the homicide of Phil and France back in '92. It wasn't the first time they had come by interrogating me either. I did all I could to separate myself from his activities when I left Lawrence. Now, there's no way I was getting involved with whatever he had planned this time.

"Meghan and I have been engaged a little over two years Red. I give a shit," I replied shortly after.

I tried to sound humble as we pulled up to the nightclub Noble and I owned. He wrote a five-year business plan and we both put up fifty percent seed money. Without a bank loan, we purchased a vacant building in the downtown business district. I hired a local construction and painting company to remodel it inside and outside.

"Now this I can dig," Red agreed.

"I can take all the creative credit and give the infrastructural credit to Noble. He put the plan in motion. You were there when the offer was on the table, remember?"

I parked on the northeast side of the building. We got out my Ford F150 then proceeded to enter the double glass doors of the club. I walked to the back of the bar and deactivated the alarm system and flipped the lights on, giving Red more light to see the club.

The walls were mirrored on all sides and the floor carpeted throughout. The dance floor was decorated with a black and white checkered linoleum light pattern. The ceiling was trimmed with lights and speakers in each corner. A classic disco ball hovered in the middle. The tables had mini lamps and seating for two to eight people. Our second level was by reservation and invitation only. It included a personal server and mini dance floor.

"I'm impressed," Red applauded while limping to the bar as I poured us double shots.

"What happened to your leg?"

"I got my leg broke in a fight over a parlay bet this last trip behind the wall. It didn't heal the right way and left my legs uneven. I see you've changed your choice of drink to Tequila."

"Yup and I don't smoke weed anymore. It's a good thing because I can't remember the last time I smoked any." I finished my drink then poured another double shot. "C'mon let me show you the lounge."

I motioned to him as I we went down the private flight of stairs behind the bar. It led into a room playing jazz music from the stereo that was incased within a smoked glass bar. Our sixty four inch high definition wide screen television sat upon plush red carpet. There was a black leather sofa, stripper pole, and my monogrammed leather chair. I felt every man should have his own throne to sit upon.

"Your ambition has paid off. You've got a nice place Oscar. What's the name?"

"You didn't see that big sign out front? We're having our Amateur Stripper Competition tonight. You've come home at the right time today, Red," I explained.

The city loved our club. The Iron Horse catered to everybody and our stripper competition was favored amongst all.

We went back up the stairs and I poured another double shot for us both then flipped on the spotlight. It shined over the stage equipped with two poles and surrounded by leather chairs for closer interaction. The stage was dubbed Strange Fruit by our patrons because everybody wanted a taste of the attention it gave. A knock at the door diverted my attention along with the silhouette of a woman and the glare of the sun. I walked over not expecting anybody as she continued to knock until I answered.

"Hey honey! Come give me a big hug," she requested with open arms.

"Pam? What are you doing here?"

Now she was a complete unexpected surprise.

"What? You aren't happy to see me? I know somebody who is though."

"Yeah, but I haven't heard from you in years, seriously. What are you doing here?"

"Red didn't tell you again I take it. We were supposed to come here together but my plane arrived early and I went to the hotel," she casually explained.

Red emerged from under the spotlight when he and Pam saw each other.

"There you are!" her voice arose in relief.

They did a corny movie scene embrace. I had no idea that they kept in touch. Maybe that's why she didn't call me, but then again I didn't contact her. Either way it was weird and definitely uncomfortable for me.

"Can one of you tell me what's going on?" I asked even though my instincts told me different. I felt deserving of an answer from both of them. Red looked to Pam to answer as she gathered her thoughts. I really wanted to hear it from him though.

"What's to tell besides we're a couple and have been for some time? He just got home and wanted to see y'all," she said in defense. "I wasn't in favor of his decision but I'm supportive, Oscar. How's Meghan?"

There was no sincerity in her tone and Red seemed to bask in her words. I wasn't sure how to take it.

"I'm sure he appreciates your support and Meghan's fine. Thank you for asking. We're engaged."

"Well good luck to you both, Oscar."

"When I heard you left I thought it was for good. Did you get tired of Detroit again?"

"I can never tire of Detroit, but I sure did miss it. I saw your mother too. Do you have any other questions?"

She kissed Red and then switched toward the door passing me. I stood in stalemate at her mention of my mom. I haven't heard from her since she left. It was the only painful feeling I kept deep within. I didn't want to relive it and tried to forget it. She did what she chose and I can't be completely mad at her for having that ability to do so. How can I judge what another person chooses to do with their life? If I lived for the approval of another, I would've been dead already. I didn't fully understand what my mom was going through then, yet I hated her until I was able to forgive her.

"Tell your fiancé hello for me Oscar. Red, I'll see you back at the hotel."

Pam waved to me on her way out.

"You still haven't heard from your Mom?"

"You heard her, Red. She was trying to get me all emotional with that topic. You should know that."

I poured one last drink and downed it before heading home to change out my uniform. I was supposed to meet up with Meghan and June for lunch. I should've brought Red along but dropped him off at the hotel instead. Once I got home, I showered and changed. Afterward I sat in my room taking shots of Tequila.

"Oscar, are you ready yet? We're running late and June is going to leave if you don't get down here," yelled Meghan.

I rushed into the bathroom brushing my teeth and hair before going down the stairs.

"Oscar, you really know how to keep a person waiting," Meghan complained as she opened the door. At the same time June was knocking and pointing to the time on her wristwatch.

"He's lucky he's family," she said hugging Meghan.

"You know I'm not used to being rushed June. Plus, I just got off work a few hours ago. My prep time is a bit longer," I joked.

We all left out like three's company. The drive was a short twenty minutes to the Town Center Bridal shop in the mall. Per Meghan's wedding plans, today was the day to purchase her dress. She was able pick any dress of her choosing. It was a wedding present from June. The bell atop the door jingled as we entered the boutique. Meghan began browsing through the wide selection of dresses until she found a pearl white laced dress.

"This is the one I want," she confirmed.

"That's a nice choice. Now let's get you fitted," replied the saleswoman.

Meghan went into the dressing room and returned barely wearing the oversized dress.

"It's going to look elegant on you Meghan," said June.

She spun around in the mirror enchanted with the thoughts of a happy ending. After getting measured and changed, they were ready for lunch and I needed another drink as we made our way back.

"Let's go to the Blue Milk café?" I suggested.

"Can we eat someplace else please," Meghan griped sarcastically.

"Remember, we have a whole new menu and a culinary graduate in our kitchen now. Thank you. Our food goes without complaint, Meghan," sided June.

I sped down Jefferson passing the Iron Horse. Noble's corvette was parked in front so I slammed on the breaks and reversed the truck.

"Why are you going there? Y'all don't serve food during the day Oscar," said Meghan.

"I need a drink baby, sorry. I'll be down there shortly."

Inside the club Noble stocked the bar for the tonight and changed out the cash register. Surprisingly, Red was there. He was sitting at the bar having another drink and talking about his relationship with Pam, of which I'm sure Noble had no interest in hearing.

"I just want to know what time she's coming. I've got to lock up and get dressed for tonight," Noble told him.

"I called her cell phone already and she's on the way," Red replied looking at his watch then poured another drink.

"It's no real rush Noble," I said jingling my keys in hand. "Red, I didn't expect to see you back here."

Twenty minutes later Pam pulled up in a rental car honking excessively, signaling her arrival. We eventually came out and Red got into the car with her. Noble jumped in his corvette without acknowledging Pam. I locked the doors then got in the car with Noble and then he peeled out. We pulled up to the café then joined Meghan and June sitting at the table.

"How long is Red back in town for?" asked Noble.

"I'm not sure. I got the call to pick him up earlier. Then we headed to the club and had a drink before I dropped him off at the hotel, because I had to meet my baby and June for lunch."

"Well, I've been listening to his jailhouse rap about Pam for an hour straight," cringed Noble.

"So how do you feel about him being with Pam?" June asked.

"I'm taking it easier than what I expected. I should've let him have her a long time ago," he sighed in relief.

"Ok Noble, we've got to go by the florist now. I'll see you later tonight," I told him as I got up.

"For the record, Red's crazy," stated Noble.

"I wondered about his mental stability long ago. He's kinda twisted if you ask my opinion," I added.

That night, Pam parked her car in the back of the Iron Horse and entered through the private lounge door. Then she took a seat in my chair pushing the two-way intercom button.

"Oscar. What's up partner? When did you sneak in?" asked Noble.

"Noble it's me Pam," she corrected him.

"Pam? What are you doing here and how did you get in that door?"

"I'm over twenty-one the last time I checked and the door was open. Will you bring me down a tequila sunrise, please?"

"I can do that. Where's Red at?"

"That delinquent love of mine is probably out mugging an old lady," she laughed.

Noble fixed her drink and brought it down. He then turned around to walk back up the stairs, but she wasn't ready for him to leave. Pam jumped to her feet and blocked the stairway. Noble knew what she was doing and tried not to fall for it.

"Wait. Don't go yet. Come join me for about six minutes, Noble."

She hoped to seize an opportunity to recapture his attention after hearing he was still available. It wasn't that she wanted him, but she wanted him to want her.

"You know I'm on the clock right now Pam."

Noble didn't entertain her and walked pass her self-made blockade. Pam smacked him on the ass as he went up the stairs.

I finally arrived with Red as we came in the front door. I started swimming through the crowded sea of women and men. My hair was freshly cut with shave complete. I was wearing a pair of Levis, a long sleeve button down Polo shirt and a pair of Edward Green's Dover Split Toe style shoes. This was my favorite night for the club. I shook the hands of men and hugged the ladies on our way to the bar. Noble saw us coming and tipped his hat to us.

"How's it going partner?" I asked.

"Good for me so far. Pam's in the lounge, waiting on her second tequila sunrise."

"Is that right? I'll take it to her."

I poured myself and Red a double shot of Tequila then took Pam her drink.

"I see you made it," she said.

I slid the drink across the desktop and sat on the top.

"Answer me this Pam. How did you and Red get together? I have to know."

"Oscar you don't have to know. You choose to know everything. Not everybody owes you an answer because you ask the question. Cheers."

"Ok. Let's go, so the contest can begin."

We surfaced from behind the bar and after grooving through the crowd we finally got to our table. It sat center stage. Sandy, Meghan, June, Monty and Red were already there. Pam greeted everybody and took her seat next to Red. I took out my camera and asked the waitress to snap our picture after I sat down.

"This is classic. Only one missing is Shoe," Red commented.

"Did you sign up for the contest Meghan?" I asked.

"I sure did," she answered confidently.

"Well I usually let last week's winner start the competition, but tonight we're switching it all up!" I roared laughing and slammed down another shot.

"Let's Strip!" Red yelled.

Meghan was up first as she got up on stage one. She started to bounce her ass up and done while taking off her clothes to the music. The men and women crowded the stage to throw money until her song was over. They clapped and cheered as Meghan collected her money and moved over to the second pole while the next competitor approached. The crowd's cheers would decide the winner. Noble took the microphone and announced the next amateur.

"Next up folks is a first-timer to strip on the stage of Strange Fruit, so y'all clap your hands for Sandy!"

There were soft claps and a few boo's as she made her way up.

"Sit back and watch a pro everybody. Y'all might accidentally learn something," Sandy said snatching a guy's Stetson off his head mid-way to the stage then stood waving to the crowd when the music began.

"Yee Haw!" she screamed.

The whole show was just that, a show. Sandy started making her ass clap, sliding up and down the pole and putting her tits all in the ladies faces. She was dancing like a stripper from Magic City and the crowd loved it. It didn't hurt that she had the body of a stripper either. The crowd cheered for more. Noble and I were impressed. Sandy set the bar high enough to cut the competition short.

Noble was back on the microphone once more to introduce last week's winner. The lights went dim and the spotlight shined on stage. The crowd clapped with enthusiasm while Red chased down another drink at the bar. My perception became blurred as I sat and waited for her to start. My head began to spin. I knew I was a drunken mess.

"Are you ready Winner?"

Noble asked before she nodded yes and the music started. First prize was one thousand dollars and a free drink. It was all entertainment. Most of all, I just enjoyed watching the women take off their clothes. Whether they were black, white, fat or skinny I enjoyed it. Within the first minute of her performance I interrupted by stumbling on stage then fell right off the other side while Pam pointed, laughing. Surprisingly, Leticia extended her hand and helped me to my feet.

"Are you okay?" She asked.

"I think so, but when did you get here?" I slurred.

"Last night."

Red seen Leticia too and grabbed her by the arm.

"What are you doing here?" he demanded.

She yanked back her arm with a disgusted look on her face.

"Don't touch me! Don't ever touch me again me!"

Noble observed the commotion from the DJ booth and promptly cut the music back on to distract the crowd.

"Come by my mom's house tomorrow. I need to talk with you, please" Leticia told me. She kissed me on the cheek then disappeared into the crowd. Pam stood by watching and whispering into Meghan's ear as I approached.

"Tough show," laughed Pam.

"I was coming to help you but somebody else seemed to get there before me." Meghan said that then threw her drink in my face before walking away. The waitress handed me a towel as I wiped myself dry and went to the bar for another double shot of Tequila.

I ended up passing out in the lounge until I awoke the next morning, needing a Tylenol. It was about seven in the morning when I called Noble. I missed majority of the night but remembered seeing Leticia and busting my ass. It wasn't how I expected the night to go. I actually drank way too much I thought going in the bathroom, brushed my teeth and took a shower. Then, I went into the closet and grabbed a double-faced pique' cotton V-neck sweater, a pair of Levis jeans, socks and Nikes. Lastly, I grabbed my gun and concealed my weapon. Adding the lounge was a good idea I thought to myself after getting dressed.

I left out the backdoor of the club and headed to my F150. I put the key in the door before realizing all my tires were flat. Someone had slashed them no doubt. I cursed openly and loud before opening the door, reaching for my bottle of cognac under the seat. I took the cap off and had a drink. Afterward, I kicked my truck, put on my sunglasses and walked to the curb to hail a cab. Five minutes later a cabbie pumped his brakes and stopped in front of me. For a second I thought to go home but instead decided to go over Meghan's. I drank the last contents of the bottle and threw it out the window.

"Bit early for a drink, wouldn't you say?" asked the cabbie.

"Isn't it a bit early for you to get slapped."

Twenty minutes later the cab driver was parked in front of her house in the North Park District, shaking me awake.

"Hey buddy! Get your ass up! We're here."

I awoke and startled the cabbie by grabbing his hand that was near my pocket.

"That'll be $16.95," he demanded.

I pulled a ten dollar bill out of my pocket and dropped it on the seat and got out the cab.

"You still owe me $6.95!"

"Fuck you and consider it a surcharge for me not slapping' your ass. Now get the fuck outta here!"

I turned away walking up the curved brick steps as the cab driver sped off, honking the horn and flipping me the middle finger. I opened the door but the chain was up.  
"Meghan! Open the door."

I was knocking as she came to the door wearing a gold camisole and took the chain off.

"Good morning to you," she grinned as I slapped her on the ass.

"It smells like I'm just in time for breakfast."

"Yup, but it's not for you."

I waved her off and flopped on the couch starting to doze off until I heard a man calling out.

"I need a towel!" He repeated it as I turned around and seen Red coming down the hallway in a pair of shorts. Murderous thoughts clouded my mind as I turned back to Meghan then Red.

"When'd you get here?" he asked nonchalantly.

Without a second thought, I reached for my gun and jumped over the couch swinging wildly at Red. Our struggle hit the floor and turned into a tussle.

"Stop it!" yelled Meghan.

I pinned him to the floor and began pistol-whipping him as he attempted to cover up. Meghan ran over and tried pushing me off but was unsuccessful. The fight continued. I hammered him once more in the temple knocking him unconscious and bleeding. I arose then repeatedly stomped into his ribs.

"Fuck you!" I repeated it with each stomp.

"Get out! Get out you motherfucker!" yelled Meghan.

"Fuck you too bitch!"

I stopped and spit on her then stepped over Red and headed toward the door. The smoke alarm rang as Pam came running out the bathroom in her robe to see Meghan kneeling over Red trying to stop the bleeding from his face and head.

"What the hell happened?"

Red slowly came to conscious coughing up blood and clutching his ribs.

"I'm sorry Pam. Oscar came over and must've gotten the wrong impression," she explained.

"That punk ass bitch!" Pam cried.

I walked down the service drive of the freeway and caught the bus. I bought a transfer to get to Leticia's. The ride was short like my memory of what I did to Red as I exited onto Skyline Street and walked to her parent's house. It hadn't changed from what I remembered while knocking on the door.

"Oscar, come in. Want me to show you my room?" she laughed. "Seriously though, I'm glad you came over. I need you."

"You need me? Damn Leticia. You came all the way back here to give me some pussy?"

"No silly!" She giggled slapping me on the arm. "I want you to meet my four year old. In ran a little child wearing overalls with a striped red and black shirt looking like a mixed version of Dennis the Menace. He was being chased by Lil Red Boy, who had grown so much and still looking like Red. Thalace's hair was a curly brown and his cheeks were chubby. He smiled showing off his dimples and new teeth.

"Hey buddies."

I shook his little hand then Lil Red Boy ran and jumped into my arms, hugging me.

"First off, I don't need any money. I've got a contract lined up to teach English as a second language to Chinese children. But I have to go to Hong Kong," she quickly pointed out.

"Congratulations. Why can't they go with their father? He's a free man."

"Believe me. He isn't the father type. We decided that back in Lawrence when he got out the first time."

She carried Thalace into his room as I followed. Suddenly I had to vomit. I began gagging and ran to the bathroom. Leticia put him down and came in to rub my back while I was slumped over the toilet.

"I hope this isn't too much for you to handle."

"No. This nausea definitely is from last night and this morning."

"Oscar, I'm really going to need your help. I don't want to blow this opportunity. It's just for one year and the money is worth it to me. I can't do this without you."

I got up, rinsed my mouth out and washed my hands before going back out to the foyer.

"I'm just asking for some of your time."

"Alright, I'll help you."

"Not just me, but Lil Red Boy and Thalace. You'd be helping our family."

"When are you leaving?"

"Tomorrow," she answered holding back a smile.

"Tomorrow is real short notice, Leticia."

"I know. I was only given the weekend to get my affairs in order if I were to take the position. That's why I said I needed you now?"

I reached out for Thalace and picked him up and held him face to face. We stared into each other's eyes until his smile turned to laughter. Lil Red Boy laughed and I laughed right along with them. Finally, Leticia let her smile come out and she comfortably laughed with us.

Red had no choice but to go to the hospital. Pam sat in the waiting room with Meghan while he got his wounds stitched and dressed.

"Red's not going to take this beating, I just know it," stated Pam.

"I guess I shouldn't have invited you both over without informing him. I didn't expect this type of behavior from him," Meghan apologized.

"It's not your fault, Meghan. It was nice of you to open your home to us. We're leaving tonight anyway because I can't be here any longer," she cried.

"It's okay Pam, he'll be fine. I'm sure Red wants to leave too."

Later, Meghan parked her car next to my truck and entered the opened front door of the club. It was dark because I hadn't cut all the lights on. The only light beamed on the stage. Out of the dark I came with a drink in hand.

"Now aren't you an unexpected guest. Would you like a drink?" I asked her while raising my glass.

"Oscar we need to talk," said Meghan bumping into the tables and chairs feeling her way through.

"We really need to talk. I wasn't with Red last night, he was with Pam. I invited them over after the club because neither of them was able to drive. I wasn't cooking breakfast for him either. I was watching it for Pam. She stepped out the kitchen briefly. You were wrong to do him like that without asking me first."

"Is that right?" I sighed stamping my forehead. "I forgot about them."

"Maybe you should slow down on the drink Oscar and until then the wedding's off. I'm sorry but that's just how it is."

"Shit!" I roared throwing my glass to the floor. It scared Meghan into backing up and out of the club. I wiped my face laughing away the tears then disappeared behind the bar into the lounge. Leticia and Red pulled into the Iron Horse's parking lot next to my truck where she let him out before driving away. Meghan walked back to her car crying as Red walked up bent on revenge.

"Oscar! We got unfinished business," he yelled into the emptiness of the club. There was no reply from the darkness. Red came down into the lounge where I was sitting at my desk, looking at old photos.

"We had some good times Red. Didn't we?"

I continued flipping the pages of the album while he sat down on the couch.

"Oscar, look at me!" He demanded. Instead I picked up my drink and sipped while ignoring his request.

"Here's a picture of us standing in the common's area at high school."

I slid the picture across the desk and that agitated him more.

"I'm gonna say it one more time. Look at me Oscar!"

Then he pulled out his .32 auto and I pulled out my .45 cal. There we were, with guns drawn.

His grossly bruised and battered face craved revenge. Both Red's eyes and bottom lip were swollen and his left arm was in a sling. It would've been easier to talk but now it's too late. I kept my gun pointed and determined to pull the trigger.

"Red I'm sorry. It was a misunderstanding. I didn't know. I apologize."

"Right now, you have no idea of what to apologize for."

Red's breathing increased rapidly. His gun appeared to become heavy in his hand. His eyes shifted uncontrollably, as if he were fighting with himself.

"What's it going to be Red? Do we live or die today?"

I watched the steady change in his body movement. His tears dropped one at time when I set my gun on the desk and raised my arms to surrender.

"If you're gonna shoot me Red, do it now. You might not get a second chance."

Thoughts of death twirled like a tornado inside my head. Had he ever killed someone he loved? I put my arms down and walked toward the door. Red kept his aim on me until I stopped at the threshold but didn't turn around.

"We're both capable of killing Red. My first time was the easiest."

I then proceeded to walk up the stairs to the bar and poured myself a drink. Through the mirrors, I see Red creep up behind me. His gun was still drawn. My last words began to play back as I heard the gun go off. Those shots didn't sound like a .32 auto. It sounded more like my .45cal. I thought to run but my legs wouldn't move. Red's arm jerked as the shots left the gun and infiltrated my body. I dropped to the floor feeling the heat of hot lead ripping through my body burning my ligaments and shattering my bones. Then, Red set my gun on the bar and walked away.

Epilogue

I decided to take an extended leave of absence from the hospital and all my other endeavors. It was to have more time with Lil Red Boy and Thalace. Meghan had called and apologized once more and asked if she could come by to visit, but I declined her offer. It was best that we stay on our own side of town. The boys sat and watched their usual Saturday morning cartoons while I finished reading the Daily Union morning edition newspaper. Afterward, I set the paper down and grabbed my walker.

"Come on boys, let's go water the yard."

Thalace burst out the screen door running down the stairs into the yard and yelling at his brother.

"Hurry up Red Boy!"

I got to the end of the porch and sat on the top step. Thalace picked up the water hose and pressed the lever down releasing the water. He then aimed it up to the sky as the mist of water fell all over the yard and sidewalk.

"Watch out Thalace. Don't get the woman wet," Lil Red Boy told him as she stopped.

"Hello handsome," she said.

"Oscar who's she?"

He pointed as I stood up and nearly broke down at the same time. It had been uncountable years since we last seen or talked to each other. I grinned when I realized she was really standing there. Then she returned the smile.

"Oscar," repeated Lil Red Boy. "Who is she?"

"That's your Auntie Fannetta."

She greeted them with a huge and kiss on the cheek, then approached me with her arms open. Our embrace was long over-due and I didn't want to let go. I had no tears to shed but Mom had plenty.

"So where's the old man at?"

"He's dead Mom. Hank died years ago."

"That mother fu....Was it the cancer?"

"Yes."

Mom wiped her tears as she looked around trying to smile.

"Did you know Cassie was born in this house? Did he tell you that?"

"Look, enough about what he did or didn't tell me. If anybody has something to tell me it should be you."

After laying the boys down for a nap, we went outside to the Gazebo. It was hard for us to stop staring at one another. Once we were mirror images of each other. Now it felt more like strangers trying to figure out who each other was. Her body wasn't that of a young thirty-something anymore. She picked up weight and seemed comfortable with it, however her beauty remained untouched. Hopefully she seen me as the man I had become.

"Why'd you leave me Mom?"

"It was either live or die. I chose to live Oscar. I'm sorry if your life wasn't how you wanted it to be. But like Perry said, we all had fault to claim and mountains to climb and we couldn't place the blame on anybody else but our self."

"I don't have any regrets and can't make any apologies for the life I chose. Did you ever think of me? Whether I would live or die?"

"Every day I thought about you, Cassie and your father all the time, son."

She pulled out an old picture of our family from back in Detroit. I stared at the picture trying to remember who I was then and how my choices in life brought me to now. One thing remained the same and that was the direction I was headed in, onward.

– THE END –

