- Professor tells us to clear our desks,
in order to make room
for the greatest writer
that has ever lived.
I tuck away my worn copy of "Borderlands,"
as a brick of white man proverbs entitled,
"The Best of Shakespeare" is
cemented onto my desk instead.
In the first sonnet we read,
Shakespeare refers to women as
a "deceiving hell that
all men are led to."
Hey thanks Shakespeare.
How did you know Deceiving
Hell was my nickname?
I tattooed it on my lower back
and now it's how I sign all of my emails.
Thanks for the quick response.
Totally looking forward
to meeting you in person.
Sincerely yours, Deceiving Hell.
Shall I compare thee to a summers day?
Thou art more lovely and more temperate.
Dear Shakespeare, why don't
you compare me to the sun.
Because if you touched
me, I would kill you.
(audience laughter)
Hamlet, scene three.
One of Shakespeare's
most famous lines reads,
"The lady doth protest
too much, methinks."
Really?
Because actually methinks
the lady doth not
protest enough, Shakespeare.
Methinks the lady is
still protesting 300 years
after your work was published.
Methinks, why am I
forced to stay in a class
that acknowledges your genius,
but not the imperialism or
the sexism it's built on.
Methinks why is it when
Cardi B. makes up a word,
she gets called ratchet?
Meanwhile your plays are
comprised of literal gibberish
and you're named a literary genius.
It's wild how you died 300 years ago,
but are still somehow the
loudest, whitest voice
in the classroom.
If all of the world is a stage,
who are the conductors of our curriculum?
Methinks it's about time
to flip the script,
Shakespeare.
Thank you.
(audience applause)
