>>> Jimmy: YOU CAN SEE OUR NEXT 
GUEST WHENEVER HE FEELS LIKE IT 
AT THE COMEDY STUDIO IN 
CAMBRIDGE.
MAKING HIS TELEVISION DEBUT, 
PLEASE WELCOME CASEY CRAWFORD!
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
>> HOW YOU GUYS DOING?
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
>> I'M SO LONELY.
ANYBODY ELSE LONELY?
[ ONE CHEER ]
JUST ME?
I'M SO LONELY -- THE OTHER NIGHT
I WAS DOWNTOWN TALKING TO A 
HOMELESS GUY, AND HE WAS LIKE, 
"WELL, I GOTTA GO."
[ LAUGHTER ]
I LIKE TO HAVE FUN.
YOU GUYS LIKE TO HAVE FUN?
PRP 
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
I LIKE TO HAVE FUN.
LAST HALLOWEEN, I WENT AS THE 
GUY WHOSE WALLET I FOUND.
[ LAUGHTER ]
YOU GUYS, PEOPLE COME UP TO ME 
IN THE WOODS ALL THE TIME AND 
ASK ME IF I WORK THERE.
[ LAUGHTER ]
A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER ONCE GAVE 
ME A PIECE OF ADVICE.
SHE SAID, "IF YOU'RE NOT A 
STUDENT, THEN YOU NEED TO 
LEAVE."
SEEMS LIKE THAT WAS JUST 
YESTERDAY.
YOU GUYS, ACCORDING TO MY 
FITBIT, I DID ABOUT THREE MILES 
WORTH OF SCISSOR KICKS LAST 
NIGHT DURING MY NIGHT TERRORS.
[ LAUGHTER ]
THE OTHER DAY AN ATTRACTIVE 
YOUNG LADY ASKED ME IF I WANTED 
TO GO TO A MOVIE.
ALL RIGHT, WHAT MOVIE, WHAT 
TIME?
I'M LIKE, YOU PICK.
SHE'S LIKE, YOU PICK.
I'M LIKE, YOU PICK.
SHE'S LIKE, YOU PICK.
I'M LIKE, YOU PICK.
SHE'S LIKE, YOU PICK.
I'M LIKE, YOU PICK.
SHE'S LIKE, YOU PICK.
AND SHE'S LIKE, SIR, THERE ARE 
OTHER PEOPLE WAITING IN LINE.
[ LAUGHTER ]
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
THE HARDEST PART FOR ME ABOUT 
GOING TO A LASER-LIGHT SHOW IS 
TRYING TO GET ALL MY CATS TO SIT
STILL.
[ LAUGHTER ]
I RECENTLY BUILT A TIME MACHINE 
FOR ONE OF MY CATS.
SENT HIM BACK IN TIME TO TRY AND
KILL HITLER'S CAT.
DID SOME RESEARCH AFTERWARDS AND
FOUND OUT HITLER NEVER EVEN HAD 
A CAT.
SO, MISSION ACCOMPLISHED, I 
GUESS.
[ LAUGHTER ]
[ APPLAUSE ]
CALM DOWN, YOU GUYS.
I'M 38 YEARS OLD, YOU GUYS.
I'M GETTING OLD.
IT'S WEIRD GETTING OLD.
LIKE, I CAN WATCH AN ENTIRE 
PORNO AND THE WHOLE TIME JUST BE
THINKING, "I BET THAT PIZZA'S 
GETTING COLD."
[ LAUGHTER ]
IT'S WEIRD GETTING OLD.
I'VE BEEN WITH MY OLD LADY 
14 YEARS NOW.
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
14 YEARS IS A LONG TIME TO BE 
WITH ONE PERSON, YOU KNOW.
IT IS.
AT THIS POINT FOR US, HAVING SEX
IS A LOT LIKE TRYING TO MOVE A 
LARGE PIANO INTO A SMALL HOUSE.
IT'S GONNA BE A LOT EASIER IF I 
JUST PAY TWO HIGH SCHOOL KIDS TO
DO IT!
[ LAUGHTER ]
THANKS!
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
>> Jimmy: I WANT TO SEE THAT 
FITBIT, WHERE IS IT?
WELL, THAT'S CASEY CRAWFORD, 
EVERYBODY.
THANK YOU, CASEY.
