A.I.: Artificial Intelligence is a 2002 movie
from Steven Spielberg made in between Saving
Private Ryan and Minority Report. And THOSE
were in between Catch Me If You Can and Amistad.
AKA Spielberg's attempt at brining every possible
Oscar out of the academy until they were cold
lifeless shell of a geriatric organization
that use to be entirely unpredictable at how
they measured art. Oh wait, no you're right
the academy of old white dudes who like films
about world war II. The King's Speech was
totally better than Black Swan, Inception,
The Social Network, Toy Story 3, True Grit
and Winter's Bone.
(I liked that bit so much that I did the joke
a second way)
No you're right the academy of puffed up geriatric
history buffs of male caucasian dominance
Shakespeare in Love was totally better than
Elizabeth, Life is Beautiful, The Thin Red
Line and Saving Private Ryan. WTF that movie
beat TWO World War II movies??
How is that even possible? Saving Private
Ryan is one of the best movies i've ever...
oh wait it had Ben Affleck in it.
They love giving Oscars to Ben Affleck.
I basically aim to drive home the point that
Spielberg was on his game at this point. But
this movie was not really celebrated upon
its release. It was met with mixed reviews,
some pulling no punches and I quote "An unsettling
sci-fi fairytale melange of "Pinocchio"and
"the wizard of oz" that's elegantly written.
Visually opulant and thematically challenging
and discontented. One of Spielberg's finest
and most fiercely misread films."
Oh wait hold on, that's the most positive
thing ever. I thought everyone hated this
movie that Ryan Schafer called "Flawed, to
be sure. But beautifully crafted, unimaginably
complex, visually dazzling, right with metaphor
and deeply affecting."
Stop loving this movie, critics, you're kinda
steppin' on my game here. I celebrate movies
that people didn't like the... ehhhh
Still, once of the most positive quotes about
the film came from none other than arguably
the most influential director of all time
Billy Wilder saying it was "The most under-rated
movie in years." Why does it feel like everyone
hates this movie then?
Basically, it's just a movie where a robot
kid named David thinks if he finds the blue
fairy then she'll turn him into a real boy
in the movie's over simplistic obvious Pinocchio
metaphor that carries with it all the layered
nuance of Guy Fieri's guy-talian nachos.
(Wait, no that motherf***** put turkey, pepperoni,
and ricotta cheese on nachos? No! Get his
people on the phone!)
In 1970 Stanley Kubrick began to work on an
adaptation of the short story Supertoys Last
All Summer Long. Not a whole lot happened
on it other than a few treatments of a script
until 1985 when Kubrick asked his friend Steven
Spielberg to produce the movie with him.
The film continued to labor in development
hell until 1989 when they fired Brian Aldiss
because he'd been working on the screen play
treatment for WTF 14 YEARS??? You can carry
a baby from the first trimester to puberty
in that time.
Oh wait, he did. Sorry Max. You were an A.I.
baby. Seriously stay tuned because this weird
train is stopping at every station.
Okay, so there were a couple more writers
working with Kubrick on the adaptation for
a few more years. Seriously, one of the writers
took the Joe character from a G.I. Joe mecchas...
that's the word they used Mecha is robots
in the movie....
And decided he should be a male prosti-box
Gigalo Joe to which Kubrick remarked "I guess
we lost the kiddie market."
Oh and Kubrick was super worried about special
effects not being advanced enough to make
this movie until, you guessed it: Jurassic
Park came out.
It was Spielberg who gave Kubrick the confidence
to make the movie in the first place. And
Ican't stress enough that these two people
were friends. Kubrick had trouble pre-visualizing
the special effects for the movie to such
an extent that in 1995 he tried to convince
his friend to direct it because it was more
akin to Steven's sensibilities than his own.
Let that sink in for a moment. Kubrick wanted
Spielberg to direct this movie because he
thought it was more in his wheelhouse.
In 1995 Spielberg actually convinced Kubrick
that he should remain on as the director and
then Eyes Wide Shut happened which was the
last film Kubrick made. Spielberg feeling
the weight of this loss began working on the
screenplay for the movie. His first screenplay
since Close Encounters in 1977. And the movie
began filming in 2000. Which was only a year
after Kubrick's death and a lot of movie is
really about how hard it is dealing with grief.
I feel like Spielberg agreed to do this movie
just because he missed his friend. It's that
simple. Okay, what is it about?
Well, density for one. This film is denser
than Guy Fieri's BBQ Buffalo Meatloaf. You
can't put ranch dressing in a meatloaf you
big balled f-.
Heyyy Clark Greg's in this movie. You wanna
know how to enjoy this movie?
Don't think of it as a Steven Spielberg movie.
He sure didn't.
Watch this film like it's the last movie that
Kubrick ever made because in almost any category
you can think of: it was.
It's naturally lit, shot on pretty much the
same film stock that Kubrick used. Ain't nobody
gonna tell me this doesn't look like a Kubrick
movie. Compare it to Barry Lyndon and it becomes
entirely obvious.
It has John Williams basically paying homage
to as many Kubrick films as he can. This movie
is so Kubrick it still managed to challenge
my beliefs this many years after the fact.
This movie is so dark its pitch black.
It's not uplifting in any way. Not talking
about that ending yet, I gotta get us there
slowly. At a measured pace. Like an R Kelly
lawsuit GOT 'EM.
Let's talk about the nature of identity. David
is a new type of mecha invented to help grieving
parents deal with the loss of a child. But
in the future, the one where A.I. takes place
the parents existing child Martin is frozen
incase a cure for whatever is wrong with him
is invented. He's effectively dead but we'll
get back to that.
Here's what this movie is actually about:
If you design artificial intelligence to imprint
on a parental host using a pre-determined
string of consonants, it will spend its entire
existence attempting to love that person regardless
of human parameters and understanding of time.
It will literally spend an eternity attempting
to earn the love of a grieving parent. But
as I said, this is a Kubrick movie. So the
kid they're grieving over in the first place,
the kid in cryo, comes back to life and it
turns out he's a paste eating sack of semi-automatic
dick rifles. The prodigal son, so to speak,
is the real problem child. Here's the thing:
for the time they had together David and his
mother had a surprisingly deep, loving connection
to one another. But once Martin is brought
back to life with a miracle cure no less,
no matter the nature of David's programming-
it can not account for the nigh limitless
edge cases that a jealous child can create
to make it look like a mecha is actually out
to harm someone. But chew on it this way:
the film cleanly disproves asimov's 3 laws.
Because those laws presuppose their robot
can be aware that it's allowing a human to
come to harm. But, again, there's no possible
way that the programatic system of an AI can
account for affectively infinite number of
edge cases where a human might be in danger.
It doesn't even have the knowledge not to
hurt its self. I'm saying nothing about this
is David's fault. It's entirely his brothers.
It's Martin that is fully aware what is manipulation
they're doing to David and is consciously
and gleefully putting his mother in danger
again and again. And she loves David but she
has no choice but to turn him back into the
company that made him for decommissioning
and disposal.
But she has a mother's love for her son. So
she chooses instead to abandon him in the
forest in the most gut wrenching scene you'll
ever watch. Haley Joel Osment was fresh off
the success of The Sixth Sense at this point.
I'm astounded he wasn't nominated for an academy
award again. He's an abandoned robot that
has to put together that he's being abandoned
right in front of our eyes. Just look this
performance in this scene.
"No. No No. No mommy please.I'm sorry I cut your hair off and I'm sorry I hurt you and I hurt Martin."
Humans are the real villains in this movie.
This is never obscured  from the audience.
They are mostly shown as psychopaths that
delight in the destruction of others. Hello,
the flesh fair.
We humans delight in the destruction of autonomous
beings that beg for their lives. Like watching
the nannybot get melted. I actually had to
take a break when watching this film. It's
really disturbing.
Oh, and right before there gonna kill David
this woman says "Mecha don't plead for their
lives!"
Ignoring the fact that literally every single
robot we see in the flesh fair scene pleads
for exactly that. Only when David begs the
audience not to melt him do they acquiesce.
This movie thinks humans are dumb.
But did you know this movie was originally
going to be called simply A.I. but surveys
revealed that people thought it said A1.
...People they surveyed thought the title
of this movie was a steak sauce.
Like, multiple people said that. This movie
isn't a cheap Pinocchio metaphor it's an entirely
new fairytale. David's obsession is with the
blue fairy and becoming a real boy because
his brother wanted him to think that. But
actually there are other fairy tales referenced
all over this movie. Hell his mother is freaking
humming "A Dream is a Wish Your Heart Makes"
from Cinderella. An all too fitting song when
you think about it.
You know whose smart? Albert Einstein. You
know what he said? This:
You know whose in this movie? Albert Einstein.
You know who plays him? Robin Williams.
But did you know the Robin Williams cameo
was one of the most wildly criticized Spielbergy
things in the entire movie. And I'm about
to blow your f***** mind: Not only was Robin
Williams playing this character Stanley Kubrick's
idea; he actually directed and recorded it
himself before his death. Spielberg barely
touched that scene.
And Ican't even imagine how far outside of
Spielberg's comfort zone this film was to
make.
There's some very sexually charged imagery
and plot points through out the film. Hey
Entourage is in this movie. Whatever, let's
talk about the elephant in the room the ending.
Here we go!
It was Kubrick that wrote this ending. It's
shot exactly as it was in the original treatment
he gave to Spielberg. But it makes me sad
that people don't understand it and I'm aiming
to fix that right now. Also, it makes me sad
because this is like the single most depressing
ending of any movie of all time. Yes more
depressing than The Mist, yes more depressing
than Arlington Road. Yes more depressing than
Requiem for a Dream.
Buckle up, this shit is about to get bleak.
Once David arrives in New York, a place his
adventure lied to the einstein machine to
get David there, he realizes unlike a real
boy he is not special, unique or worthy of
love because he is simply a cheap imitation
of a boy that use to exist.
Did I mention the polar ice caps have melted
due to global warming so New York is a place
no one ever goes anymore because it's completely
submerged in water. Anyway David no longer
has a reason to live because his mother abandoned
him and his dream of becoming a real boy has
been dashed so he jumps off the building to
kill himself.
*sigh* Giggalo Joe rescues him only to be
captured immediately after and eventually
killed but David thinks he sees the blue fairy
in a submerged Kony Island, so he ventures
to the bottom of the ocean and waits in front
of an old statue he thinks will save him.
Which probably crushes him under a ferris
wheel.
He begs the blue fairy to make him a real
boy and then he waits. For two thousand years.
A second ice age, he's discovered by beings
that appear as aliens. Now I said "appear"
not "are" aliens because they are artificial
intelligence that has evolved to the point
that they are no longer recognizable as anything
but aliens.
You want proof of that? When David is first
shown in the movie he appears out of focus
exactly as the beings do. Because they're
the same thing. In this future all the humans
are dead, replaced by a life form of our own
creation evolving its self over thousands
of years into something we would never recognize
as our own. Kind of like how David's parents
create something that becomes unrecognizable
as even a human because his brother is a giraffe
smoking adjective something?
...he's a dumbass.
Oh, and David accidentally obliterates the
blue fairy because he needed some bad news
about now. The lifeforms then search his memories
and find that he had a single wish that never
came true. And because he is their ancestor
they grant him that wish by implanting his
mind with a false reality that he gets to
be with his mother again. They even create
a blue fairy in this reality so he can finally
be convinced that he can not become a real
boy oh and they tell him that his mother is
dead because he's been gone for so long.
Man you guys totally nailed it this is that
typical Spielberg happy ending bullshit am
I right?
Luckily because Teddy still has a lock of
David's mother's hair the beings are able
to bring back his mother for a single day.
Once a re-created person falls asleep the
fabric of reality causes their consciousness
to fail, killing them again once they fall
asleep. But that's not actually what's happening
here. That's just what they're saying is happening.
This is the fairy tale ending that David wanted.
The one day space time reality upset thing
is just a ruse to get David one last moment
of peace and happiness before they euthanize
him. I'm not joking. There's no plausible
reality where that actually is her hair and
they could use the DNA to create anything.
It's just a ruse to make him believe it's
real.
Teddy would not have had the hair for that
long, there's no way it would have survived
without somewhere to store it especially under
water for 2000 years. And the thing is teddy
is not a specialized robot created for any
purpose. Teddy is a toy. Teddy would not be
alive 2000 years in the future surviving in
a high moisture environment that would absolutely
turn everything inside of him to rust.
There's no way this is real. They are simply
lying to him because they are about to turn
him off and they want him to have his fairytale
ending before he's dead. A fact David, and
I wish the audience, was acutely aware of.
"If you want for my happiness, then you know
what you have to do." But he doesn't care
because against his will, against any desires
he must have, he is required by the parameters
of his imprinting that he must love his mommy
with all his heart forever. Regardless of
how ever much she has abandoned him. So he
spends one final day in a montage narrated
as if were a fairy tale because that's his
only happy ending. He hugs his mother goodbye
and lays down to go to sleep.
And then they turn him off.
So the next time somebody brings up that this
movie had some crazy bullshit Spielberg ending,
maybe casually remind them that the good guys
in this movie were the robots and the bad
guys in this movie was you know, us. Humans.
And we all died!
