LIKE MY FELLOW
MILLENNIALS--
( LAUGHTER )
AND I BELIEVE I AM A MILLENNIAL
BECAUSE I AM LESS THAN A
THOUSAND YEARS OLD-- I'M A
TECHNOLOGY GEEG.
I DRIVE A TESLA, OWN AN APPLE
WATCH, I SHAVE WITH FIVE
BLADES-- FIRST BLADE LIFTS,
SECOND BLADE CUTS, THE OTHER
THREE BLADES TWEET MY SHAVING
STATS.
GOT A NEW HIGH SCORE TODAY.
AND THE LUBRICATING STRIP MAKES
IT ALL GOOD.
AND THE TECHNOLOGY OF ALL KIND
CIEWND IS DRIVING THIS YEAR'S
ELECTION.
IN FACT, ONE OF MY GUESTS
TONIGHT IS THE C.E.O. OF
SNAPCHAT, EVAN SPIEGEL.
HE'S BEEN CALLED THE STEVE JOBS
OF SELF-ERASING GENITAL
PHOTOGRAPHY--
( LAUGHTER )
( APPLAUSE )
YES, THANK YOU FOR YOUR SERVICE,
SIR.
AND HE'S HAVING AN IMPACT IN
2016.
SOME IN THE MEDIA ARE ALREADY
CALLING THIS CAMPAIGN THE
SNAPCHAT ELECTION.
AND IT'S TRUE-- CANDIDATES
APPEAR AND, BEFORE YOU KNOW IT,
THEY'RE GONE.
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
WHAT!
WHERE DID YOU GO?
AND IT'S NOT JUST SNAPCHAT.
FOLKS, THIS ELECTION IS ABOUT TO
GET SHAKEN BY ANOTHER
SEE, THE DEMOCRATS HAVE THEIR
FIRST DEBATE ON OCTOBER 13.
I CAN'T WAIT TO MEET THE
CANDIDATES AND ALSO WHOEVER
THREE GUYS ARE DOWN HERE.
( APPLAUSE )
I DON'T KNOW WHO THAT IS.
I THINK THAT'S MADE UP.
ANYWAY, AND CNN IS PROMISING TO
BRING THIS ELECTION IN YOUR FACE
BY PUTTING IT ON YOUR FACE.
>> SUSTAIN SUDDEN IS TURNING UP
THE TECHNOLOGY AS WE GET DEEPER
INTO THE PRESIDENTIAL RACE.
NEXT MONTH IT WILL BREAK NEW
GROUND BY LIVE STREAMING THE
NEXT PRIMARY DEBATE IN VIRTUAL
REALITY WITH THE HELP OF A
VIRTUAL REALITY HEADSET USERS
CAN ACTUALLY WATCH THE DEBATES
FROM THE PERSPECTIVE OF AN
AUDIENCE MEMBER.
>> Stephen: WHOO-HOO!
THE PERSPECTIVE OF AN AUDIENCE
MEMBER.
YOUR VIEW CAN DP FROM THIS TO
THIS.
( LAUGHTER )
AND IT'S REALLY EASY.
ANYONE WITH A SAMSUNG GEAR V.R.
HEADSET CAN PICK THEIR OWN POINT
OF VIEW AND, EVEN BETTER, FOCUS
ON CANDIDATES WHILE THEY ARE NOT
SPEAKING.
FOLKS, THE FUTURE WE WERE
PROMISED BY "JOHNNY MNEMONIC,"
"VIRTUOSITY" AND YOUR CHILDHOOD
VIEWMASTER HAS FINALL ARRIVED
BECAUSE I BELIEVE--
BECAUSE WE'VE ALL DREAMT OF A
FULLY IMMERSIVE ENVIRONMENT
WHERE WE COULD WATCH LINCOLN
CHAFEE TAKE NOTES WHILE SOMEONE
ELSE TALKS.
AND THIS TECH PUTS YOU IN THE
CENTER OF THE ACTION.
IT'LL FEEL LIKE YOU'RE SEEING
HILLARY CLINTON RIGHT IN FRONT
OF YOU, BUT SHE'S NOT ACTUALLY
THERE-- JUST LIKE THE REAL
HILLARY CLINTON!
( LAUGHTER )
( APPLAUSE )
YEAH, YEAH.
I CAN'T WAIT TO EXPERIENCE A
DEBATE LIKE THIS.
AND LUCKILY I DON'T HAVE TO
BECAUSE SAMSUNG GAVE ME MY OWN
PAIR OF V.R. GOGGLES.
IT IS ABSOLUTELY FREE.
GOOD TO BE ME.
ANYWAY, AND I DO NOT HAVE TO
WAIT FOR OCTOBER 13, BECAUSE CNN
CAPTURED THE LAST REPUBLICAN
DEBATE WITH THIS TECHNOLOGY AND
HAS MADE IT AVAILABLE FOR
DOWNLOAD NOW.
YES, WITH THESE BAD BOYS
STRAPPED ON I CAN SUMMIT
EVEREST, FLY ON A DRAGON OR
STAND 20 FEET AWAY FROM MIKE
HUCKABEE.
THAT-- THAT ADVENTURE IS USUALLY
RESERVED IF FOR A DUGGAR.
OKAY, ALL RIGHT.
I'M READY TO GET EXPANSIONAL.
IT'S GO TIME.
I'LL PUT THIS BAD BOY ON.
OKAY, ALL RIGHT.
I GOT THIS THING.
ARE WE FIRED UP HERE?
LET ME START UP THE REPUBLICAN
DEBATE.
WOW!
WOW!
LOOK AT THAT ( BLEEP ).
IT REALLY FEELS LIKE I'M SITTING
AND WATCHING SOMETHING!
I CAN SEE ON TV.
THERE'S THE BACK OF ARNOLD
SCHWARZENEGGER'S HEAD.
IT KIND OF LOOKS LIKE THE FRONT
OF HIS HEAD.
WOW, IT'S KIND OF WEIRD BEING
HERE IN PERSON ON TV.
YOU KNOW WHO'S IMPORTANT BECAUSE
THE CAMERA'S POINTED AT THEM,
AND WHOEVER'S ON SCREEN SEEMS
IMPORTANT AND KIND OF SEXY.
BUT NOW I CAN SEE ALL THE
CAMERAS AND THE LIGHTS AND THE
SOUND GUYS.
THIS ISN'T SEXY.
THIS IS LIKE I'M WATCHING
SOMEBODY SHOOT A PORNO.
I'M GOING TO HAVE TO START
WATCHING THESE DEBATES WITH MY
PANTS OFF.
BUT I GOTTA SAY, IT REALLY
WORKS.
IT REALLY FEELS LIKE I'M HERE,
LIKE CAN REACH OUT AND ACTUALLY
TOUCH RAND PAUL'S HAIR.
OH, IT'S LIKE STROKING A
LIBERTARIAN LABRADOODLE.
OH, THE DEBATE IS STARTING.
THE DEBATE'S STARTING.
OKAY.
HEY, BUDDY, HOW LONG DOES THIS
THING GO?
THREE HOURS.
TO HELL WITH THAT, I'M PLAYING
"CANDY CRUSH."
HOLD ON ONE SECOND HERE.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I CAN'T USE MY
PHONE HERE?
NO, YOU GO TO HELL JAKE TAPPER.
YOU'RE NOT EVEN REAL.
I'M OUT OF HERE.
I'M OUT OF HERE.
FORGET THIS THING.
BARTENDER, I'D LIKE A BOURBON
AND SODA, PLEASE.
THANK YOU VERY MUCH.
I SEE YOU'VE GOT THE DEBATE ON
THE TV OVER THERE.
( APPLAUSE )
( CHEERS )
MIND IF I CHANGE THAT TO
SOMETHING MORE INTERESTING, LIKE
THE SURGERY CHANNEL?
THANK YOU VERY MUCH.
WELL, HELLO THERE, LITTLE LADY.
MIND IF I HAVE A FEW OF YOUR
CHEESE FRIES?
MMM.
MMM.
THOSE ARE DELICIOUS.
DID YOU SEE THAT GUY ON TV WHO
WAS PETTING RAND PAUL'S HEAD?
THAT WAS ME.
OH, HELLO, OFFICER.
WAS THIS YOUR SEAT.
I'M SORRY.
OH, IS THIS YOUR CHEESE FRIES?
AND IS THIS YOUR WIFE.
GET YOUR HANDS OFF ME, SIR!
I WILL GET YOU MORE CHEESE
FRIES.
I HAVE TO GET OUT OF HERE.
LUCKILY MY DRAGON IS NEARBY.
RETHGOR THE BLACK, COME TO ME,
COME!
RETHGOR, WE MUST HEAD TO A DARK
AND TREACHEROUS LAND, IOWA.
I HEAR BERNIE SANDERS IS HAVING
A MEET AND GREET.
WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH JOHN
OLIVER AND ED SHEERAN!
