- Hey everybody happy Tuesday
and since it's Tuesday
that means I'm on Tumblr
and so if you got on Tumblr ahead of time
and you hashtag KatyF&Q,
I've gone through and
I've answered some already
so you might want to get on there too.
But I have four that I picked out today
as well a journal topic
so thank you all for that.
And so I'll get in to it.
Okay, question number one.
I know I am not ready for
recovery, I just don't want it.
How do you want it? I know I
have to want it to get rid of
this but it's so comforting.
Now I picked this because I
hear this from a lot of my
clients. There like I
just don't really want it
I don't know boo.
And to be truthful, everybody's different.
Some of my clients never
want it until they reach
rock bottom and I have to
put them in a hospital and
they're fed through a tube for a while.
They have to go through
all the steps of treatment.
And sometimes even then
they don't want it.
I, there's many ways you can go about it.
The first being and the one
I always try with my clients
is I always have them make
a list of things in their
life that they are looking forward to.
What are those things?
Is it getting married?
Is it getting a boyfriend or girlfriend?
Is it a career you've
been looking forward to?
Is it an attending an event
you've been looking forward to?
Is it taking a trip or
seeing a country that
you've been wanting to see?
Is it getting an animal?
Is it buying a home?
Is it moving out on your own?
What is it? Make a list
of these things and then
I want you to really think hard about it
and think to yourself,
if I keep my eating disorder,
can I do any of these?
Chances are no.
So that's my first kind of thing.
The second would be
something to the effect of,
who really cares about you and your life?
Like for one of my
clients her younger sister
was just like huh, was her heart.
Just hurt her heart
that she could possibly
hurt her sister with her eating disorder.
And so we did a lot of work
on how recovery for someone
might be something she starts,
she uses in the beginning
as she starts on recovery and
later on she can do it for
herself.
But sometimes when we're so
deep in our eating disorder
we honestly don't even care
about ourselves. We're so
upset that it's the only
thing that makes things better
and so we think you know this
is the only way I am worth it
or this is the only
way that I can survive.
And I am telling you it's not.
And you're worth more than
that and you can beat this
you can get out of this cycle
that you feel that you're stuck in.
But if you're having trouble
even thinking that you want
to recover, that's a place to start, okay?
I hope that helps and if any
of you have advice on this,
let us know below.
Okay, question number two.
My boyfriend forced me to
have sex after he got drunk
and we were fighting.
Uh oh.
He doesn't remember
anything from that night
he also hit me a few times, no big deal.
I have to correct you
there, that is a big deal.
I don't know what to do
because I love him and he's not
normally like that. Please help.
Okay
now
it's tricky.
I was actually just
talking to a friend today
about this like when you are caught up
in the love haze sometimes
we can't see the truth.
Like we've all dated and I
know probably many of you
are like nodding, we've all
dated some assholes and some
bitches and some big
old jerks that were like
what the hell was I thinking?
Snap out of it.
But we don't, because
we're caught in this love
haze and we're like
but they're so amazing,
and they don't always do
that and they're not normally
like that and they're
just really stressed out.
Something that I had to learn myself is
if I find myself making excuses for them,
to make it okay in my mind
then they're probably not a good person
it's probably not right for me.
And they might be right for someone else
most likely they are. And in
this case, I know you love him.
I know that you're in a
relationship with him,
and you wish this hadn't happened,
but it did. And the things that I see, the
red flags that I see is that
first of all he forced you to have sex
because I have this little
saying I used to say to
myself when I would have to much to drink
and I would you know lash out at someone
I really didn't like anyways,
and I would say you
know soberness conceals,
drunkenness reveals and
oftentimes when we're drunk our
inhibitions are lowered and we do things
that we would never do.
Now, force you to have
sex, to me is just scary
and I could not
personally
let that go.
That's really scary, it's
traumatizing what happened to you.
And the fact that he hit
you a couple of times
sounds very controlling and dominating
and I know you love him,
but I would encourage you to
consider other options.
Consider what it would be like
maybe if he wasn't around or
maybe just take a break and
take time for yourself because
you deserve to be in a safe,
happy healthy relationship.
Yes people are gonna fight
and we're gonna get into
arguments, but I mean,
he beat you and raped you.
And that's not okay.
And I there's that no way I
could make that okay in my brain
no matter how I care about someone so
I would
get in contact
with your girlfriends
and hang out with them and
try to work through it and
move on from him because
he sounds awful. I'm sorry.
I understand you love him but I don't
so it's easy for me to say right?
But that's what my advice would be.
Question number three.
if you're a virgin consensually
anyway and you don't believe
in premarital sex, since
it happened already
does it matter?
I feel like it's ruined
and my husband won't be
my one and only so I might as well give in
to my boyfriend of years
even though he pressures me.
Yes it matters, it matters to
you. I consider being a virgin
something that we are
consensually. I don't believe being
raped or molested or being
sexually abused by someone
takes that away from us because
the reason that we place
so much value on
virginity and on our first
and on the person that we
marry being our one and only is
because that intimacy is
something that we value highly.
And we value that relationship.
And you haven't had that yet.
You haven't so you're still
a virgin and I would not let
that jerk asshole son of a boop
who did stuff to you before
take that from you as well
cause they've taken enough.
So I say enough
and
I think that
that nasty voice in your head
that's gonna tell you otherwise,
is something that you're
gonna have to fight back against.
You have to journal about it and obviously
and hopefully you're working with a
therapist through the process
of overcoming past abuse
but you want your first time
with the person that you love
to be that first time with
the person that you love that
you imagined and if that's
something that's important to
you that's something that you want,
then you deserve to have it.
Don't let that person
that harmed you in past
have any bearing over
what you do now okay?
You are moving on it is
your life and these are your
decisions so yeah, that's
what I say to that.
But if you're also, if your
boyfriend is pressuring you
he shouldn't be doing that.
If they're worth it
then they'll wait,
Ta da. Okay.
Question number four.
Hey Katy firstly I want to
thank you for being so amazing.
Oh thanks, oh nice
things, such nice things.
Okay so I am currently trying
to recover from an eating
disorder but every time I
eat intuitively I end up
binging and feeling disgusting
and then end up not eating again.
What should I do?
This happens a lot, so if
this is happening to you
don't think you're alone
don't think this is like scary
and you're all of a sudden
balloon and gain a ton
weight because that's your
eating disorder talking
and tell it to shut up. So
what I have my clients do
is incorporate binge foods
first of all like if you binge
on a certain type of food we
want to incorporate it into
a snack portion so you know
you can still have that
you just have to start
figuring out what your body
actually needs at a certain
time and not overeating okay?
So if that's something
that's worrying some of you.
So for this person, when
you try to eat intuitively
you end up binging.
Now I would first of all be
curious as your therapist
to what this looks like and
obviously you can't tell me
because we don't do that
kind of talk on here but I
would talk with your
therapist and dietician and be
honest about how much
and then I would take
time next time you eat.
Now I know we're supposed
to eat intuitively
but it can take a while
so when you sit down.
Well first, before you sit
down, I want you to pick up the
intuitive eating workbook.
It's amazing, you'll thank me later.
And they have a scale where
you check in from like it's
a one to ten but usually you're
not even in that range on
the ends you're more in the
middle and I want you to
check in before you
eat, how hungry you are,
how full you feel whatever.
And then I also want you
to rate your emotions. I know
I've talked about this before
so for many of you you're like
'uh huh Katy I've heard this'
but rate your emotions
and your hunger fullness
and then I want you to
eat half of your plate
and I want you to check in again
and then I want you to continue eating.
Now if that doesn't help
and you still find you're
overeating or under eating,
you're compensating you still
feel like it's eating disorder-driven
please please please
work with a dietician or
nutritionist have them set
a meal plan, measure things
eat what's measured until
you better feel you're in
contact with your body and
your hunger and fullness
cause that can take us
awhile cause we're almost
relearning how to listen to
our bodies so that's another
option. If any of you have
tips and tricks as well about
this would you let us know below?
Now my journal topic for today
comes from Tumblr someone
sent me a really cool
quote so here is the quote,
If you hear a voice within
you say 'you cannot paint,'
then by all means paint, and
that voice will be silenced
by Vincent Van Gogh.
Now I think that's really
cool because it's kind of like
that voice that will tell
us to do something that we
know is eating disorder
-driven or not do something
and we know that it's
depression-driven or anxiety-driven
and we will do it anyways and
it's like I had a quote a while ago
that was like courage doesn't mean that
we're not afraid it just
means that we do it anyways
kind of thing I forget the
exact wording but I want
you to think about something
that you can do this week
that you've been telling
yourself no for a long time.
No I can't do that, no I won't I'm scared
they're going to be mean I don't
want to do that or whatever
but you actually
want to do it
it's something that you'd really enjoy
I would encourage you this
week to do that thing and
then let me know how it
goes and what that thing was
cause that's kind of cool
and then we can feed off of
each other's excitement
and accomplishments.
So I will see you all tomorrow
on Wednesday I'll be on
the website and I'll be on
YouTube so ask your questions
right below here and I will
get them there and I will
see you then, bye.
