Howard Stern's long career has been extremely
well-documented—after all, the guy's spent
countless hours talking about his life on
the radio for 40 years.
But as it turns out, there are still a few
things even the greatest shock jock of all
time doesn't like talking about.
Here's the untold truth of Howard Stern.
Weird Howard?
In 1982, Stern, Robin Quivers, and producer
Fred Norris were just starting to pop on the
radio in Washington, D.C.
So maybe that's why Stern recorded 50 Ways
to Rank Your Mother, an album full of Weird
Al-style song parodies...which is not his
finest moment.
Which is saying a lot.
"I think I see tongue!"
The title track is a parody of Paul Simon's
"50 Ways to Leave Your Lover," and other songs
include "I Shot Ron Reagan"...
(Howard Stern musical shenanigans)
...and "Oh, Oh, Oh, Oh, OJ—Baby You Can
Rent a Car," which is about O.J. Simpson—still
over a decade before his murder trial—being
Hertz's spokesman.
(ridiculous O.J. Simpson song playing)
There's also comedy bits like a fake ad for
an album by Neil Young's cat and a filthy
take on Leave It to Beaver called "Unclean
Beaver," which is what the album was retitled
for its reissue in 1994.
Stern Versus Leno
There doesn't seem to be much love lost between
Howard Stern and Jay Leno these days.
"Just the mere mention of Jay Leno's name
makes me wanna vomit.
I don't like this guy, I don't disguise it,
and probably what irritates me the most is
people in show business are afraid to say
how much they dislike Jay Leno, but I am not."
In 2012, he called Leno a "spineless maggot,"
which almost cost him his gig on America’s
Got Talent.
But back in the early '90s, the two seem to
have had something resembling a cordial relationship.
Stern made a few highly rated appearances
on Jay Leno's Tonight Show.
Wanting to raise the stakes for his appearance
in 1995, the shock jock brought two bikini-clad
porn stars, Nikki Tyler and Janine Lindemulder,
on stage with him.
He staged The Tonight Show's first lesbian
kiss and urged Leno to spank one of the women.
"Has there ever been a spanking done?
Would you like a little of that tonight?"
Leno was visibly uncomfortable through the
segment and eventually walked off the show,
which was edited out of the later broadcast.
After Stern’s 2000 appearance on Leno, their
relationship seemed to permanently sour.
"I work for NBC Television now and I'm not
speaking to Jay Leno, they asked me to go
on his show, I go 'No, he did Dave wrong.'"
Don't Mess With Texas
Days after singer Selena was murdered, The
Howard Stern Show played some of her music
with gunfire in the background.
After that, Stern had some pretty nasty things
to say about her music...and threw in some
insults of Hispanic people for good measure.
"Spanish people have the worst taste in music,
they really do.
Alvin and the Chipmunks had more soul."
The comments so incensed Eloy Cano, a Justice
of the Peace in Harlingen, TX, that he issued
a warrant for Stern's arrest citing disorderly
conduct.
Technically, police could have arrested Stern
if he'd set foot in Texas during that time—but
that's still probably light compared to what
Selena fans would've done to him.
Pushed To Suicide?
TV sitcom Diff'rent Strokes made Dana Plato
a child star in the '80s.
Most people remember the show as a launching
pad for Plato's costar, Gary Coleman, but
the popular sitcom made the whole cast famous.
But like fellow Strokes vet Todd Bridges,
Plato fell on hard times after Diff'rent Strokes
ended and battled substance abuse.
On May 7, 1999, Plato appeared on The Howard
Stern Show to discuss her troubled life, drug
use, poverty, and run-ins with the law, but
claimed to be sober for 10 years at that point.
"Have you been in psychotherapy?
Have you been on any medication?"
"I have been sober for the longest time."
"Really?"
"Oh it's over a decade now."
"No kidding?"
"No joke!"
When callers accused her of sounding high,
she offered to take a drug test to prove it.
"I just don't think that I should have to
defend my character with you."
"Come clean, you're doing drugs!"
Producer Gary Dell'Abate snipped a few hair
samples from her with the intention of sending
them to the lab.
Stern later said that after the show, the
former child star begged to have the hair
samples back because she didn't want them
tested.
The following day, Plato visited her mother
in Moore, Oklahoma, for Mother's Day.
While there, she overdosed on the painkiller
Lortab and the muscle relaxant Soma.
Police later ruled her death a suicide.
Coworker Feuds
From Bugs Bunny in Space Jam, to Futurama's
Fry, voiceover superstar Billy West is an
industry legend.
"Shut up and take my money!"
He also provided voices for The Howard Stern
Show back in 1989, doing impersonations of
celebs like Johnny Carson, Johnnie Cochran,
and Lucille Ball.
"Lucy I just wanna ask you-"
"Why do you keep calling me?"
"Uh we're just so thrilled-"
"Whhhyyyy?"
In 1991, West also started working on Nickelodeon's
new animated series The Ren & Stimpy Show.
The show's creator, John Kricfalusi, was fired
by the network in 1992, and he wanted West
to walk away too, but he refused.
In 1995, Stern surprised West by bringing
Kricfalusi on the show.
It got uncomfortable.
"When you got fired, Billy stayed with the
cartoon and took over your voice."
"Did you really expect Billy to leave?"
"Uh ya."
"You did?
You did expect Billy to leave?"
"Well he told me he was going to."
That same year, West left the show after failed
contract negotiations with Stern's then-employer,
Infinity Broadcasting.
In 2009, West appeared on the SiriusXM show
Jackie's Joke Hunt, hosted by fellow former
Stern staffer Jackie Martling.
When asked if he'd go back on Stern's show,
West said he wouldn't and might write a book
about why he left.
Meanwhile, John Melendez started as a Howard
Stern Show intern in 1988.
The story goes that Stern wanted Melendez
hired because of his stutter, which led to
the nickname "Stuttering John."
Eventually, Stern sent Melendez to red carpets
to ask celebrities uncomfortable and confrontational
questions.
The recurring bit turned into a fan favorite
and Stuttering John became a full-time employee…
"I think you're a schmuck."
...that is, until 2004, when he left The Howard
Stern Show to become an announcer/on-air personality
at The Tonight Show.
"It's the Tonight Show with Jay Leno!"
"Hey John shut up will ya?
You got the job!"
Four years later, Melendez went on The Adam
Carolla Show and talked about how Stern never
paid him fairly.
He also said that Stern didn't like his employees
taking on outside gigs to make ends meet.
"I love Howard and all but my biggest beef
has always been on that show that they just
don't take care of people financially."
Following that interview, Stern unleashed
a half-hour rant on his SiriusXM show, calling
Melendez an ungrateful and talentless hack.
Stern even went as far as to say that he no
longer wanted his then-fiancee, Beth Ostrosky,
being friends with John's wife.
In the summer of 2016, though, Stuttering
John announced on his podcast that he and
Stern have finally reconciled.
Finally for almost ten years, comedian Artie
Lange was Stern's sidekick when Jackie Martling
left, and the pairing seemed perfect.
Unfortunately, Lange's long-documented problem
with addiction proved to be too much, and
in December 2009, he was asked to take time
off.
Weeks later, Lange attempted suicide.
After his rehabilitation, Stern thought it
best he didn't return.
In an interview from June 2016, Lange stated
that Stern continued to be there for him through
many of his toughest years, but they don't
speak any longer.
Lange has attempted calling Stern numerous
times with no response.
"I called him four times, probably 3-4 times
and left voicemails, and he never called me
back."
Why?
Lange thinks it stems from the moment when
Stern asked him if he thought Stern looked
like a pelican—and Lange said yes.
Lange recalled on the Enough About Me podcast:
"When he said do you think I look like a pelican?
And I said yes there was no going back."
Considering everything Stern's said and done
over the decades, all it took to hurt his
feelings was being compared to a pelican?
"Howard you and I have a lot in common, we
do, we do.
I like to take a 4 hour dump every morning
too."
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