I never got caught in the cycle of
dating douchebag after douchebag after
douchebag well I've done that many at
times and apparently this is something
that alissa violet struggles with as
well and I'm guessing there's a lot of
you watching this video who have been
through this too or you know somebody
who's been going through this well in
this video we're gonna talk about why
this happens and what we could do about
it because we have to ask ourselves are
we just having bad luck or is there
something else going on what is up
everybody this is Chris from the rewired
so where we talk about the problem but
focus on the solution and if you're new
to my channel my channel is all about
mental health and sometimes what I do is
I take different topics going on in the
YouTube community trying to see what we
can learn from them the successes and
the mistakes to see how we can improve
our own mental and emotional well-being
so if you're into that stuff make sure
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at the rewired soul and real quick real
quick I know so many of you out there so
many of you out there are horror movie
fans and some of you struggle with
anxiety well the last video I did was a
collab with the amazing artist cadrimilk
milk and we talked about horror movies
and anxiety so if you're into either of
those things please go check that video
out it I am very very proud of that
video cod remote just sort of making
videos and she is just la superb and
she's an amazing artist but it's a whole
different style and I just really want
you guys to check it out so that'll be
linked up in the info card alright so
anyways we're gonna be talking about
what's been going on with alissa violet
she just came out and even though her
and faze banks said that their breakup
was very amicable and everything was on
good terms well she just came out and
explained that face banks was cheating
on her alright so if you're new to this
channel if you ain't if you haven't been
here or you haven't been here for a
minute alright this video isn't about
that nonsense we're using that as
contact so we could see what we can
learn from because like I said
like I have been in so many terrible
relationships all right before I found
my beautiful girlfriend Tristan I was in
so many terrible relationships and it's
very clear as you'll see in a second
that Elissa violet has been emotionally
abused alright and I know a lot of you
out there watching this you've been in a
lot of terrible relationships as well so
we shouldn't just be watching this all
this stuff just passively we need to
take a look at and say oh I can relate
to that what can I do about it
alright so to give a little context what
happened was after months of face banks
and Elissa violet being broken up she
came out and tweeted out you know it was
a reply to this older tweet from 11:22
where she says I was asleep upstairs
with our dogs and he wasn't next to me
so I checked our guest house and caught
him naked in bed with a random girl all
right so later on you know this was like
trending on Twitter alissa violet was
trending and face banks ended up sending
out this tweet that says I love you all
right so before we jump into a bunch of
the responses that Alyssa and violent
made like let's let's let's go back in
time all right because it's important
that we look at our own pattern so we're
gonna be talking more about that in a
second but when Shane Dawson series
inside the mind of Jake Paul came out
like a lot of questions were around what
happened with Alyssa violent okay and
one of the episodes from the Shane
Dawson series was dedicated to
interviewing Elissa violet and it was
very clear not only was Elissa violet
being cheated on by Jake Paul but she
was being emotionally abused and
manipulated alright so after her and
Jake Paul split up she ended up dating
phase banks and yeah like all this
information just came out so after phase
Bank he tweeted out I love you she
tweets she replies did you quote-unquote
love me when you texted that girl like
you were on your way to her hotel room
at 6 a.m. to quote get weird while I was
sleeping next to you did you quote
unquote love me when you said you were
at highlight room but I had your
location and you were
random apartment complex for two hours
did you quote unquote love me when you
broke eight of my phones did you quote
unquote love me when you smash in the
back of chantels window of her car that
she gave me all right like I said I can
relate so again before I did it Tristan
I was in a lot of very abusive
relationships not a lot of guys talk
about this but it happens to dudes too I
was emotionally abused constantly and
some of those relationships
I was actually physically abused as well
okay so before I move forward I want to
make it clear I want to make it very
clear that this is never okay it's never
okay to emotionally abuse somebody else
in a relationship like it's not good to
do that period but that is never okay so
when we look at people like Jake Paul
and face banks yeah those dudes are
dicks all right so I want to share just
a little bit about what I went through
so like I kept dating all these women
right I was one of those guys and you
might be able to relate to this if
you're like this - I was one of those
people where I just couldn't be single I
could not be single for the life of me
right right after a long-term
relationship ended I was in the next one
you know I just could not be single and
every single relationship just ended
terribly absolutely terribly and my
heart was broken and I was in a lot of
long-term relationships and like I said
I was being emotionally abused and like
I just started to pity myself and like
we're talking about like a dozen
relationships and I would like call you
know my mom was like a psychologist and
I would like to talk to my friends and
everybody like why like why do I do so
why can't I just find a good girl why
can't I find a good girl right so one
thing is if you want to understand why
you date who you date there's actually
some really interesting psychology
behind this I made a video on it and I'm
a link down in the description down in
the pin comment up in the info card go
check that out it will blow
your mind you'll start to understand why
you date douchebags
alright but anyways getting back to my
pity party why me why me
well eventually when I started working
on myself I learned that I had what
people call a broken picker okay so
what's a broken picker you might have a
broken picker I had this insane ability
to pick the absolute worst people right
we all have a type everybody has a type
my type was crazy okay I would find
women to date who were just emotionally
unstable who were mean and angry like
there were constant red flowers but
that's who really got my mojo going you
know what I mean so after being in all
these relationships are wanting to swear
off all of womankind like I had to start
looking at how much control I had in
this situation because I want to make it
clear we have zero control over how
other people treat us and what they're
going to do to us right so like I said
and Alyssa violets case she had
absolutely no control over what people
like faced banks did to her over what
Jake Paul did her no control at all
right I had no control over the abuse of
relationships that I was in except when
looking forward to my new relationships
I had to see what control I did have and
the control I did have was who I chose
to be in a relationship with all right
you can live in that fantasy world of
the heart wants what the heart wants
well when my heart wants crazy I can't
just keep following it around to jump
into these abusive relationships you see
what I mean so like in Alyssa violets
case you know like we look at that I've
seen a lot of people talk about this on
Twitter I think Elvis the alien even
said something about on Twitter but like
here here's me when I look at this
situation I look at my own history right
like like you were dating a guy who's
like motto his main motto in life is
phased off up
right like that dude was destined to be
a douchebag and we're not even talking
about all the other things hey Zack but
again I want you to take a look at your
dating history right the people you've
dated in the past can you look at each
one and say oh yeah I really I really
shouldn't be surprised at how they
treated me right like we're there red
flags were there warning signs were
there any signs before you got serious
right so what's the solution what's the
solution to all of this first solution
as soon as you're done with this video
go watch that video about why you date
who you date it will be very eye-opening
for you alright second one is this from
my own personal experience I had to
learn that it was okay to be single
alright
like when when I was in this mode of
desperation and you might recognize this
about yourself - well I was just
desperate to get into another
relationship like my standards were low
lower and lower and lower and lower
right because I needed a relationship so
I you don't got to do this but I
actually stayed single for a year and a
half before getting into another
relationship alright it was much better
but it was still kind of crazy and I was
before I met Tristan anyways
I learned that I had to stay single for
a while okay but the other thing is - I
had to go through my previous
relationships and recognize the patterns
that that were there or the the red
flags that were there so before Tristan
and I actually started dating I had been
you know just casually dating other
women here in Las Vegas but I never
committed to them and you wanna know why
because the red flags were right there
all right like if I was just talking to
a girl right and we're like a week or
two into talking maybe been on one date
if we're lucky and she flips the hell
out on me that's a red flag
I probably shouldn't date that person
alright if the person was just really
obsessive or overly attached I was like
this might be a red flag for jealousy
later on like I'm not saying
immediately judge people sometimes
people are just going through things and
they'll get passed and everything like
that but even when I finally settled
down with Tristan we were talking and
you know going out on dates before we
like made it official for I don't know I
think like a month or so you know what I
mean and she was single for a very long
time before dating me because she was
cautious about you know getting into a
bad relationship as well and now we're
coming up on three years so if you're in
this situation like I was or like Alyssa
violet is okay like just know that it is
possible to break the cycle okay and
another you know great option is therapy
if you can't figure this stuff out on
your own and you have the resources to
get therapy go and do it all right
ask your doctor if they can recommend
any good therapist call your insurance
company ask them if they can recommend
any good therapist I don't care how you
get therapy if you have the resources
get you some therapy always in the
description below sometimes in the pink
comment you will see an affiliate link
for better help online therapy I use
better help online therapy so when you
use that link you get online affordable
therapy and a little bit comes back and
supports the channel but if you keep
getting into bad relationships bad
relationships after bad relationships
start taking control all right like we
can't be stuck in a bad relationship if
we don't get in one in the first place
all right
so I hope the best for Alyssa violet I
hope she recognizes you know her own
patterns that she might have and I hope
she has a support group who's there for
and everything like that but I also hope
all of you are taking this stuff into
consideration and you can hopefully
break that cycle as well all right
anyway that's all I got for this video
if you like this video please give it a
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you're all amazing alright thanks again
for watching I'll see you next time
