[Ray William Johnson (RayWJ)]
Whatís happening bizzz natches? You guys
wanna see a video? No, you donít wanna see
a video. Oh, OK! Letís look at this video
of this girl doing like this cartwheel, off
this bike into a lake.
[Girl Bicycle Flip - Clip]
(Oh, my god. oh sh^t~)
[Dudes]
Are you alright?
[Girl]
No, Iím good.
[Ray William Johnson (RayWJ)]
I really like this video, mainly cause she
didnít get hurt, and I know you guys like
it when people get hurt in videos, that s(beep)t
is like p0rn to you. Oh, yah, Jesus! Donít
come in, Iím wrapping presents. (with a bottle
of lotion and my greasy p#n^%) Now, this video
only got 40,000 views in 5 days, not exactly
viral but as the black community would say:
I fuc widit. And I canít figure out what
happened, like, did she slip, did she try
to give herself an abortion, you donít have
to go through all that to have yourself an
abortion, just use a [words removed] like
(like Lindsay Lohanís mom wished she would
have done) old school.
[Background Kids]
Boooooooooo
[Ray William Johnson (RayWJ)]
What ñ what? Too soon for an abortion joke
come on! Itís never too soon for an abortion
joke. (A priest, a rabbi, and an abortion
walk into a barÖ) Now as awesome and hilarious
as this video is, we are all glad she didnít
get hurt, sheís all like: No, Iím good.
[Girl Bicycle Flip - Clip]
[Dudes]
Are you alright?
[Girl]
No, Iím good.
[Ray William Johnson (RayWJ)]
I mean, I lost my virginity to this bike but
(the same way Lance Armstrong did!) but other
than that (Tour de F***) I feel better actually.
[Cool Transition]
[Ray William Johnson (RayWJ)]
Now, certainly, this next video will make
you go: Huh, what the (beep) Ray, Ray, what
is this Japanese s(beep)t again! No, but it
is actually really weird, itsí supposedly
this dog who has been breathing hilium.
[Dog On Helium - Clip]
Hello Sophie would you like some air?
[Dog On Helium]
(unknown sound explaination)
[Ray William Johnson (RayWJ)]
Now, clearly, this is the dog that welcomes
you at the gates of hell. (cerberus?) And
donít kid yourself we all know your going
to hell, mainly because you laughed at my
abortion joke. No, but seriously when cats
have nightmares, this is what they see.
[Dog On Helium]
(unknown sound explanation or devilish laughing
hysterically)
[Ray William Johnson (RayWJ)]
Now, when you go look at the whole video,
it supposedly has, a couple of hundred thousand
views, (280,000 views) but I remember seeing
this a few years ago, so I think it was up,
it was viral and someone took it down (like
me right now) and they re-uploaded it, and
itís viral again, itsí weird how viral videos
make come backs like that, like theyíre (beep)in
ROCKY (Yo Adrienne!!) Anyslut, there is some
speculation that this video may be fake, there
are parts of it that do seem sped up!
[Dog On Helium]
(unknown sound explanation or devilish laughing
hysterically)
[Ray William Johnson (RayWJ)]
So, ya, some of it sounds sped up, if I had
to guess, Iíd say itís fake. But I do plan
to get a dog like this and Iím gonna bring
him in the room whenever your changing. (give
that dog a bone) Just so youíll be self conscious
ah, like what the (beep)k is he laughing at
my d^%&.
[Cool Transition]
[Ray William Johnson (RayWJ)]
Alright last video, alright this is a wedding
proposal, and I donít review a lot of wedding
proposals mainly cause (nobody will every
marry me) there is really nothing funny you
can say about it. Ah, ha, ha, heís getting
married. What a b^tch!~ Iím sure you guys
would describe the groom as a douche or a
fag cause, you know, as Iíve said, thatís
how you describe everyone on the internet.
You little f(beep)ers! Alright, on to the
video, these guys are on a roof top where
the groom is about to make his big proposal.
[Crazy Marriage Proposal ñ Guy Falls Off
Building - Clip]
I think itís about time I ask her a very
important question. Bobbie, the ring please.
[Bobbie]
(throws the ring over to Dude and he falls
off the building trying to catch the ring)
[Girlfriend - Brooke]
(believes boyfriend / Dude has fallen to his
death) Oh! MY GOD!
[Ray William Johnson (RayWJ)]
You know this would of been a lot funnier
if she just said, no, nah, Iím not really
impressed. You kow once I had a similar idea
to push my FiancÈe off a roof but into traffic.
It probably wouldnít of had the same effect
huh? I kid, I never had a Fiance, it would
totally jeopardize my homosexual relationship
(whoís the bottom?) with you guys. LYBIO.net
Anyprostitute? I think this video would of
been more interesting if the sign said something
else. (Iím Humping Your Brother!) Now, this
video actually did go viral, it got 600,000
views in 3 days, and people are telling me
like itís fake, mainly because it seems sponsors,
but I hate to be that guy but that does seem
like some product placement there. Thatís
a pretty obscure sports drink they are all
drinking, and I donít see like bottles of
water or alcohol there, or any other types
of drinks, oh, wait, before I get into that,
I think the bride needs to get him back by
scarring him, ah, ha, ha, jokes on you, Iím
pregnant. And your not the father.
[Ray William Johnson (RayWJ)]
Anyskank, my friend made a decent argument
when he watched the video, he was like, dude,
its totally fake, look, sheís hot and heís
a (beep)in dork! No way, they would ever be
together. I mean, ya, maybe, but then again,
my friend is an idiot, stoner, so I donít
know. But I do think this video is fake, if
you look at, look at the group of friends
there, (Italian, Asian, Hot Chick, Douche,
Black Dude, Ginger, Blind Girl) they are the
perfect racial mix, they type you never see
outside of a Gap Commercial. LYBIO.net Oh,
I just happen to have my racially diverse
group of friends over, and we all just so
happen to love this really obscure sports
drink. Bull(beep)t Iím calling fake on this
one, Iím not, Iím not buying the video,
Iím sorry, I think itís a viral marketing
campaign. And, and that ñ thatís all I got,
I ñ Iím out of s(beep)t to say. I really
didnít want to do a video today but, you
know we got that homosexual relationship thing
going on, and your the bottom bi(beep)ch I
canít let you down. But you know whatís
also my bottom bi(beep)ch, the comment question
of the day which comes from the username bam
(fishb84) and he said:
[fishb84]
Hey ray, the comment question of the day is:
Why does everyone hate us gingers?
[Ray William Johnson (RayWJ)]
So why do b@st@rds hate gingers?
[Ray William Johnson]
Leave your interesting and creative responses
in the comment section below, or on Facebook
or Twitter or Google Plus, or mail the s(beep)t
to me or send it by f(beep)in carrier pigeon.
I donít care.
[Cool Transition]
[Ray William Johnson]
But thanks for watching todayís episode of
Equals Three, Iím Ray William Johnson, and
you know I love you guys, and I approve this
message. So tell me guys if you made an adult
film, what would you title it?
[Outer]
(The outer song Ray William Johnson ñ Stalkiní
Your Mom.)
[Out-takes]
