PATIENT: Dear future doctor
Here's a few things you need to know
if you want to be my doctor
and keep me alive
Check my pulse and rate
Percuss and auscultate
And don't forget to check
my pupils, moles, and
(OOH) prostate
Make sure you treat me right
'Cuz if you don't I might
Sue you 'til you bleed
Li- liability
RESIDENT: You'll have that five to nine
And maybe overtime
So don't get used to sleep
or ever coming home at night
You won't have time for Scrubs
'Cuz you'll be in your scrubs
[RING] What's wrong with me?
[RING RING] No time to pee!
PATIENT: You gotta know
how to treat my lacerations
My broken bones and palpitations
Make sure everything's alright
Dear future doctor
Here's a few things you need to know
if you want to be my doctor
and keep me alive
Dear future doctor
If you want to get that special rating
Please
Check my whole body, answer my questions
all in 15 minutes?
Each and every time
GREEDY DOC: Ask to hold their hand
And order every scan
And then tell them they're fine
and bill them for a hundred grand
And even if you're wrong
Pretend you're never wrong
Pay for your degree
Pay, pay for that degree!
You gotta know
how to treat their green secretions
Their gene repeats and gene deletions
Make sure everything's alright
PATIENT: Dear future doctor
Here's a few things you need to know
if you want to be my doctor
and keep me alive
Dear future doctor
Make time for me
Don't keep me waiting
I have the flu,
no poo,
super glue,
and (AHH) beehive!
NURSE: I'll be saving lives on one side of the bed
Hey!
You'll prescribe some drug you read about in
Pubmed
You think you're really smart
Just come and sign the chart
Med school degree
What, what, Google's free
I got to know
how to treat their bites and masses
The smell and blood out of their... rashes
'Cuz you won't do a damn thing right
PATIENT: Dear future doctor
Here's a few things you need to know
if you want to be my doctor
and keep me alive
TOGETHER: Dear future doctor
If you want to still become a doctor
You are a masochist,
But heck, c'mon and join the line
PATIENT: Woah, future doctor
better treat me right.
