>>> NOW WE RETURN TO 1955.
WHAT DO YOU FIGURE IS GOING ON
IN THAT HOUSE?
[ LIGHT LAUGHTER ]
>> WELL SISTER, TODAY IS THE
DAY.
>> YES.
THE CORPORAL IS COMING FOR A
VISIT TO PICK A WIFE.
>> YES, THAT'S RIGHT.
HE'S GOING TO PICK BETWEEN US
SISTERS, WHOEVER IS THE MOST
BEAUTIFUL.
>> WELL, WE KNOW HE'LL TAKE ME.
I'M GORGEOUS.
>> YES.
>> DID I MISS THE CORPORAL?
>> YOU'LL TELL ME WHEN HE'S
HERE, RIGHT?
>> ABSOLUTELY.
>> WELL, I HOPE HE LIKES LOOKING
AT ME.
WHY DO WE KEEP ALL THESE MIRRORS
COVERED?
I WISH I KNEW WHAT I LOOKED
LIKE.
>> NO, YOU DON'T.
>> YES, YOU LOOK LIKE A TOAD.
>> YES LIKE A STINKY MAN FOOT.
>> YES, LOOK.
WE HAVE A PHOTOGRAPH OF YOU.
[ LAUGHTER ]
>> OH, THAT'S ME?
>> YES.
THIS IS THE BEST ONE WE'VE GOT.
>> YES, NOW GO BACK UPSTAIRS.
>> YOU'RE SO GOOD TO ME.
>> SEEING HER MAKES ME WANT TO
PUT ON A LOT OF MAKE-UP.
>> I'LL PUT ON SOME ROUGE TO
IMPRESS THE CORPORAL.
>> YES.
WELL, SO WILL I.
HE'LL HAVE NO CHOICE BUT TO FIND
ME GORGEOUS.
>> YES.
AND I'LL PUT ON MORE.
SO I'LL BE SO PINK HE'LL HAVE TO
MAKE ME HIS WIFE.
>> YES, WELL SISTER, YOU LOOK
STRESSED.
HERE, I MADE YOU A DRINK.
>> WHY, THAT'S A CUP OF PILLS.
>> AH SO IT IS.
[ LAUGHTER ]
>> OH, YOU JUST REMINDED ME.
CARTIER SENT A NECKLACE FOR YOU.
>> OH.
>> HERE, TRY THIS ON.
>> WHY, THAT'S A ROPE.
>> OH, SILLY ME.
>> WELL, SISTER, YOU HAVE SOME
LIPSTICK ON YOUR TEETH.
HERE, I'LL GET IT.
[ LAUGHTER ]
>> THAT'S A SHOTGUN.
>> OH, WELL SO IT IS.
I THOUGHT IT WAS A Q-TIP.
>> I HEARD A COMMOTION.
HAS THE CORPORAL ARRIVED?
>> PLEASE, CAN'T I STAY?
I'M GOING TO SEE THE MAN.
CAN'T I HAVE A PEEK?
>> WHAT DO YOU THINK?
>> WELL, WE CAN'T HAVE HER
BARGING IN HERE.
LET'S KEEP HER CLOSE BUT KEEP
HER HIDDEN.
>> RIGHT, RIGHT.
>> SISTER, YOU CAN STAY BUT YOU
HAVE TO BE A COAT RACK.
>> WELL, OF COURSE.
BECAUSE OF HOW UGLY I AM.
THANKS FOR REMINDING ME.
I'LL BE A COAT RACK.
[ LAUGHTER ]
>> NO, NO.
>> THAT'S UGLY.
>> NO, THAT WON'T DUE.
>> IS THERE A DOG IN HERE?
>> WE'LL PUT YOU IN THE BIRD
CAGE.
>> YES.
GOOD IDEA.
WHILE I'M IN HERE, I'LL MAKE
MYSELF USEFUL AND POLISH THE
BARS.
>> NO.
>> NO.
>> NO.
THE CORPORAL WOULD HATE THAT.
>> WE CAN'T HAVE HER MOVE.
>> WELL ITS TOO DAMN HOT WHEN
SHE MOVES.
>> RIGHT.
>> LET'S TIE HER TO THE BED.
>> YES.
TIE MY HANDS ABOVE MY HEAD AND
MAKE SURE MY FEET ARE FAR APART
SO I CAN'T UNTIE WITH MY TOES.
>> OKAY, YOU KNOW WHAT?
HEARING THAT OUT LOUD, THAT
SOUNDS UGLY.
>> RIGHT, RIGHT.
MAYBE GRUNT A LOT SO HE KNOWS
YOU'RE A TOAD.
>> OH, GOOD IDEA.
GOOD IDEA.
OH!
OH!
OH!
OH!
>> OKAY, MEN HATE THAT.
AND EVEN I HATE THAT A LITTLE
BIT.
>> SHE NEEDS TO BE SILENT.
>> GOOD IDEA.
MAYBE -- MAYBE YOU SHOULD STUFF
A BIG SAUSAGE IN MY MOUTH.
>> THAT FEELS LIKE SOMETHING.
>> YES.
SISTER, TRYING TO HIDE HER IS
MAKING IT HARDER.
>> YOU'RE RIGHT.
WE NEED TO TAKE CARE OF HER.
SISTER, LISTEN, IF YOU WANT TO
MEET THE CORPORAL, YOU'LL NEED
TO KNOW HOW TO KISS.
♪♪♪
>> DO YOU THINK HE'D WANT TO
KISS ME?
A GIRL WITH A DEADLY SHELLFISH
ALLERGY?
>> WELL, THAT'S WHY YOU HAVE TO
PRACTICE ON THIS MAN.
>> SO THAT'S WHAT A MAN LOOKS
LIKE?
>> YES.
THEY'RE SMALL, AND THEY'RE
LOBSTERS.
[ LAUGHTER ]
>> OKAY.
HELLO, YOU BIG HUNK.
♪♪♪
OH.
OH, NO.
IT IS MAKING MY LIPS SWELL.
OH, NO, HE'LL HATE THIS.
[ LAUGHTER ]
>> OKAY.
WE HAVE TO SHOOT HER.
[ GUN SHOTS ]
>> NO!
>> NOW ITS STRAPLESS, AND SHE'S
GORGEOUS!
>> YEAH, BUT SO ARE WE.
YOU KNOW WHAT?
IT'S STILL ANYBODY'S GAME.
>> OH, WHO WILL HE PICK?
[ DOOR BELL ]
>> Together: THE CORPORAL!
>> HER!
[ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE ]
