I wanna be strict,
you know.
I wanna be strict
with my daughter.
She's only 2
so I can't really gauge
how I'm gonna be
with her yet.
I wanna be like my parents,
but not as crazy.
Because Indian parents
are a little crazy
with their kids.
You know? They...
I like-- I--
And I wanna be
like a white parent.
I love watching white
people talk to their kids.
White parents have this way
of speaking to their children
like they're humans.
It's beautiful to watch.
You know?
But I think white parents--
I can't be as lenient
as a white parent.
Because white parents, you
take it a little too far, you know.
Like, you give your kids
options.
They're a fucking kid,
they shouldn't
have any options.
And here's--
I was in the mall the other day.
I saw a white lady
in the food court,
and she said to her
5-year-old son, she goes:
"Sweetheart, what do you
wanna eat for dinner?"
The kid goes,
"I don't know."
"Okay, when you figure it out,
you let Mommy know
and I'll make it for you,
okay?
I love you."
She asked a 5-year-old
what he wanted to eat.
Not, "Do you want
this or this?"
What? He could've
said any--
"I want shoes. I wanna
eat a pair of shoes."
She would've had to make
him a pair of shoes.
I'm not--
I can't even
comprehend, like--
I grew up in an
immigrant house. You--
In an immigrant house,
Mom does not--
There's no dinner for the adults
and dinner for the children.
Mom does not care
what the fucking kids like.
Mom does not
cook for the kids.
Mom cooks for Dad.
Whatever Dad liked is what
you were eating for dinner.
That's the way it worked.
There were--
It doesn't matter
what your dad liked,
that's what you were
having for dinner.
It turns out my dad used to
love molten hot plates of lava.
I was the only 5-year-old
farting fire at 5.
They used to call me
Dragon Ass at school.
But white parents explain
things to their kids, you know.
They do. They take the time
to do that. That's nice.
Indian parents,
they're the worst.
If they don't want you to do
something, they will make up
the most insane story as to why
you shouldn't do something
and scare you into not ever
thinking about doing it.
You don't think your parents
are creative, you're like:
"They couldn't
be making that up.
That must have happened,
you know."
I'll give an example. I grew up
just outside of Toronto,
small town called Brampton.
And, uh-- B-town, represent.
I--
And I grew up in these
townhouses and all
the driveways
were attached
in the townhouses.
And at the edge of the
driveway was a road.
A major road where all
the cars can drive.
We were obviously not
allowed to play on the road.
Only play on the dr--
Only allowed to play
on the driveways,
for obvious reasons.
Now, this was the
white lady next door
telling her son not
to play on the road.
"Sweetheart, Mommy doesn't
want you to play on the road."
"Why not?"
"Because it's not safe."
-"So?"
-"So you could get hurt."
"I don't care."
"Well, I do."
"So?"
"If you get hurt,
you'll make Mommy sad.
Do you wanna make
Mommy sad?"
"No."
"Then, be a good boy
and play on the driveway."
"Okay."
"I love you."
Mwah, mwah, mwah.
It was so good.
She explained it to him.
She told him why he
shouldn't do it. He--
She gave him
the consequences
as to what could happen.
He had all the information he
needed to not play on the road.
And you know what?
He didn't play on the road.
Not my dad. This is my dad
telling me the same thing.
"Russell!
Don't go on the road,
you'll get hit by the car
and you'll break apart."
Not I might get hit by a car.
No, I will get hit by the car.
Apparently, there's only
one car in my neighborhood
and I was going to
get hit by it
and I was gonna break apart.
How the fuck
do you break apart?
When I was a kid, I thought
I was made out of Lego
because I was gonna
break apart one day.
They scare you
into not doing things.
