Not feeling that same spark you once did?
Finding yourself looking for love somewhere
else? I'm Forrest Maready and this is my incredible
opinion.
America- this is really awkward, but… I've
been thinking about this for a long time,
and I think… we need to break up. Seriously.
I think we should call it quits. It's obviously
not working. We've tried to make this work,
and it's getting worse. We're just fighting
all the time. I can't remember a single week
we made it through without an argument. We obviously
have some very different expectations as to
the way this relationship was supposed to
work out. Some of us were under the impression
it was going to be about the freedom, liberty,
happiness, yada, yada, yada.
You seem to feel differently. You don't seem
to care about the freedom or liberty part
as much as some of us. Maybe we're just not
getting you anymore? I don't know.
We prefer equal opportunities. You prefer
equal outcomes. We believe everyone is created
equal. You believe some are created equal,
and others need your help to succeed. We're
kind of home-bodies, and would just rather
be left alone. You'd rather get in our grill
all the time, and tell us what we can and
can't do. Nag. Nag. Nag. I know, we tried
to work through that, but I just don't see
it happening.
All of our solutions to problems involve removing
barriers, getting out of the way, creating
a free society where anyone can do anything
they want, as long as it doesn't infringe
upon the freedoms of other people. All your
solutions to problems involve more laws, government
coercion, the threat of force, in order to
"fix things". We're really just worlds apart
on this whole thing- don't you agree? But
your intentions are good, yes we're sure of
that. You mean well, so whatever happens in
the attempt- all should be forgiven, no? So
why don't we break up? Seriously- I don't
think we can cross this divide. It's too big.
I don't think there's any amount of therapy
or talking that will help us meet in the middle.
We're just going to fight more and more the
further we grow apart. Come on- let's end
it now, while we're still at least semi-peaceful.
Here's how it should go down. We're still
kind of cool with that first letter we wrote
240 years ago, when we laid out how everything
would work- the whole life, liberty and pursuit
of happiness thing? We realize you've changed,
and it seems like that letter doesn't really
fit you anymore. Are we wrong? So why don't
you write a new letter- you can throw out
the old one- just trash it completely and
don't worry about hurting our feelings. Start
with a clean slate. Envision your perfect
situation, no baggage, no guilt, just an honest
letter at how you think everything should
be. Put it out on the internet, call yourselves
the PSA or something- the Progressive States
of America? I don't know- let everyone decide
who they want to be with. No mess, no fuss.
We've got our document out there already-
you can reference it, copy from it, or create
your own thing. But make a new letter that
describes your ideal relationship. Post it
up where everyone can see it, and then let's
give everyone a year or two to decide who
they want to be with.
Once everyone has picked, then we can divvy
everything up. You can pick out some new colors,
do a flag, if that feels right to you. We'll
draw some new map lines. Figure out the borders,
etc. I know you're not real keen on borders,
so this way you'd only have one little
border between us and you- everything else…
you can be wide open if you want. We can do
a reboot, and get rid of all the laws that
remind us of you, and you'll have a fresh
start with everything just the way you want
it. No guns? Fine. No hate speech? Be my guest.
All the stuff you've dreamed of- can be yours-
that easily.
What do you say, nation? I really think it'd
be better this way, don't you? I know it will
be difficult, but we can do this peacefully.
We can still be friends- maybe combine forces
for an Olympic Team every now and then? I'm
really sad it had to end this way, but I think
it's better for everyone. It's been an incredible
ride, and we've made so many wonderful memories
together. But I think it's time to turn the
page, and see what the next chapter holds.
So write a letter. Decide who you are, and
who you want to be. It's causing too much
friction right now. Put your letter out there,
and let's compare. I think the division will
be more obvious, and less hurtful, if we can
just admit we shouldn't be together anymore.
And that is my incredible opinion.
