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Drunk Barbarian Goes Shot For Shot With A
Dragon
Hi everyone.
All Things DnD is back with another story.
Sometimes fighting isn’t the answer.
Sometimes you need to drink your way out of
a problem.
We’d love to hear about your awesome encounters
after you listen to how this barbarian drinks
his way to victory:
I had a Barbarian named Futon.
Futon was a goliath pure barbarian and awsome
– stupid but awsome.
He was in a party with very high wisdom based
and int based characters.
There was a Wizard, a Cleric, and two Sorcerers.
That meant he could not follow a complicated
plan or even knew why we had to help this
town with the ehhh… whatever problem this
town had.
We had been playing D&D 3.5 for a long time
with some homebrew (Mostly homemade monsters)
and was around lvl 13-14 when we got to a
dungeon that was home to an Acid Black Dragon.
The town mayor took the party to the entrance
of the dragon’s dungeon and told how dangerous
this thing was.
“It has an aura that will make you cower
in fear, and its poison is so deadly you die
just by smelling it.
It’s an ancient dragon.
It has spent ages growing more powerful, more
deadly, and more evil...”
The mayor continued to ramble on but Futon
was bored of this old man – he just wanted
to go back to the inn and have another drinking
contest with that stupid dwarf.
Another story for another day.
“Hey, why we not going in yet?”
Futon asked annoyed at having stood out here
for so long listening to the old man say a
lot of words Futon didn’t understand.
“Because we need to make a plan first, Futon.”
The wizard replied.
“Okay.
Go in.
Kill stuff.
Come out again.
Done.”
Futon said nonchalantly.
The wizard sighed with frustration.
“No Futon.
One, it's too dangerous.
Two, you’re still drunk.
Three, we have to protect the book.
Four…”
“Ummm.. book?”
Futon interrupted.
“THE BOOK!
THE REASON WE ARE HERE.
TO GET THE BOOK!”
Futon had heard about these “books” but
had never read one before, and he never heard
the wizard yell either, so he decided to wait
a little longer.
“We found a secret passage – it leads
straight to the book.
We can skip the dungeon.”
The cleric piped up.
“Wait, what?
That seems too good to be true.
What's the catch?”
The wizard asked, his anger quickly replaced
with suspicion.
“Weeell the dragon is also there… and
we can't sneak past him from that entrance
– it will see us.”
The cleric said sheepishly.
“Then we need another plan.”
The wizard said growing more frustrated with
his companions by the second.
“What?
Another plan?”
Futon rolled his eyes.
Futon is not a patient man and after 5 minutes
passed I said to the DM.
“Futon walks into the room with the book.”
“Really?”
The DM asked a little surprised.
“It's been 5 minutes.”
Which in Futon’s mind was justification
for his actions.
The DM sighed, “Are trying to sneak past
the Acid Black Dragon?”
“Come on man, you know me better than that.”
“As you walk in you see the book on a pedestal
– The Acid Black Dragon is surprised by
how you just walked in.”
The Acid Black Dragon’s eyes widened as
they fixed on the brazen goliath that had
just strolled into his lair.
“What are you doing here little thing?”
It hissed.
“Roll a fear check.”
The D20 clattered across the table.
“Is that a nat 20 dude?”
The DM groaned.
“Yup!”
Unaffected by the dragon’s aura of fear
Futon replied.
”I’m here to get that book so my stupid
companions will shut up and I can go back
to get revenge on that dwarf and his ale.”
“The dragon is amused by your statement.”
The dragon barked out an ear splitting laugh.
“Oh you like to drink then?
If you want that book you’ll need to drink
for it.”
The dragon said.
“He offers you a cup of black liquid.
Do you drink it?”
The DM asked.
One thing to know about Futon – he loves
to drink, and sees himself as a world champion
of drinking.
He didn’t recognize the loss to the dwarf
because he clearly cheated.
Without missing a beat, “Of course I'll
have a drink.”
The DM smirked, “Roll fortitude.”
“24.”
“It burns in your throat but no penalties.”
“WOO! that's some good stuff.”
“The dragon is stunned that you are still
alive.”
“I wipe my mouth with the back of my arm
and I grab the book.”
“WAHAHA you know how to hold your poison,
want another one?”
The dragon roared out.
The rest of the table are yelling to just
run out of there now that I have the book,
buuuuut…
Futon turned back to the towering black dragon.
“Of course, it's not that often I get such
good stuff.”
“Roll fortitude.
Oh and by the way the DC went up since you
already have poison inside of you.”
“Uh, what?”
“By 3.”
Total silence around the table.
The dice is rolled.
All the numbers are added.
“Is 26 enough?”
“Do you want to say anything to the dragon
before walking out the way you came?”
Cheers erupted from everyone sitting at the
table.
This is the first time Futon has had this
much attention from the other players, and
we started from lvl 3.
“Woo,” Futon exhaled the burning fumes
of the liquor.
“This really is the good stuff, but now
I have to go.
Thanks for the drinks and the book, but now
I have to move on.”
The dragon is starting to doubt himself and
his poison's potency.
He is visibly frustrated that his poison is
not killing you.
“Before you leave, what is your name?”
The dragon asked.
“Futon the slave.”
“Well from now on you are Futon the iron
stomach, and as a reward I will give you one
more drink, what do you say?”
Wizard, Cleric, and the Sorcerers shout “No!”
like a choir of common sense.
“Ah, what the hell.
There’s always room for one more.”
Futon said slapping his stomach.
“Roll…Fortitude...Check.”
“Did the DC go up?”
An evil grin spread across the DM’s face.
“Ohhh yeah it did.”
This is the first time I have ever seen my
DM be actively menacing at the table.
But it would not be the last.
Honestly, I was legitimately scared.
I tossed the dice.
It hits the table and begins to spin and roll.
Before we can see the number on the dice.
The DM chimes in, “You need at least 31
to not die.”
All of us froze when he said that.
I felt my stomach drop.
I looked at the dice.
19.
With feats, equipment and the goddess of luck
watching over me, I ended up with 32.
“Yikes!
That one I felt, but now I really have to
go.
Bye my friend.”
Stunned the dragon watched Futon stroll out
of his lair book in hand.
“So Wizard, what plan did you guys come
up with?” the DM asked.
“Ummm…we…didn’t actually come up with
one.”
“Doesn’t matter.
You see Futon come around the corner and push
the book into your hands.”
“Is this what you wanted?”
The wizard stood there stunned with the book
in his hands.
And the session ended there – almost 4 hours
early.
The DM was a really good sport, he told about
how he had spent a week making the encounter
to be either a social encounter which is why
he did not straight up kill me or a combat
encounter with lots of awesome attacks.
He was not angry or anything but he swore
he would get me next time.
Such a cool guy.
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Cheers to a great session!
What a great DM for rolling with the punches
and making a unique encounter.
Would you have drank with the dragon?
Please let us know what you think and comment
below!
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