-Last time I saw you, you were
even more sharply dressed.
-Yes.
-Because you haven't been here
since you got married.
I was at your wedding.
I was very lucky
to be at your wedding.
[ Cheers and applause ]
-That's right.
-I'm very lucky
your wife and I work together.
-That's right.
She works on the show.
-Yeah.
-And did you have fun --
Look, I don't care.
Did you have a good time?
-I did have a really good time
-That's all I'm --
Did you have a good --
You happy at your table?
-I was. You put me
at a very good table.
-It's all about the table.
-Yeah. Did you --
Can I name-drop
a few people at my table?
-Sure, why not?
-I had Jerry Seinfeld
at my table.
-No, Jerry Seinfeld
had you at his table. Wait
[ Laughter ]
That's right, I was.
-Amy was there, you --
Jerry's table.
-Right, right, right.
Yeah, it was Jerry's table
-If Jerry's not the head of th
table, then what are we doing?
-Now that I think of it, I was
in the middle of the table
I was not --
[ Laughter ]
I was just sort of
the loose middle of the table.
-Well, that's the thing
about the table, you know,
people get insulted.
Whoever's the worst person
at your table,
people look at you, like, "Oh,
that's what you think of me?
You know, so, it's very --
It's very touchy, weddings
-Very touchy, weddings.
Were you an active participant
in the planning?
-Well, not really. But, I mean
but I do appreciate...
-Yeah.
-...the government now.
Because it's like a government
You're trying to keep people -
Like, the United States
government
is like wedding planning.
-Yeah.
-Like, Vermont can't be
near Mississippi.
And New York and Massachusetts
if they talk about sports,
they'll start a fight
at the wedding.
-Right, right, right, right.
-You know, then you got Oregon
You can't serve steak.
They're vegan, you know?
-Yeah. You had
a wonderful toast --
a wonderful speech, I should
say. Your vows were great.
-Jen killed.
-Jen's killed.
-My wife killed.
-Yeah, she was wonderful.
-She was funny.
A little uncalled for
some of her remarks about me
she said,
but, you know,
I had to let it slide.
-You have to let it slide
on your wedding day.
-She trashed me
with a couple of good jokes.
I didn't like
the cacophony of laughter.
-Yeah.
-The recognizable laughter
-Yeah. No, it was. Yeah.
She made jokes
about your personality
that the audience --
the people there laughed a
in at way that you had to know
then those jokes were accurate
-Yes. Infuriating, yes.
[ Laughter ]
-This is -- This is very
exciting, your new show.
-Yeah.
-You're on the road.
"The Wrong Side of History."
And this is basically abou
things that have gone wrong.
-Sure.
-Like free speech.
A lot of people
are champions of free speech
-Yes, they are.
And free speech was a great --
It was great --
Free speech was great.
It was supposed to be, you could
vote for whoever you wanted.
I didn't know I'd have to know
your opinion of the Joker,
"The Masked Singer,"
your food allergy.
I mean, free speech,
everybody's talking all --
like, right now, if we could
do a little experiment,
it's like we're having
this conversation.
Our country, the Internet,
is like all of us
having the conversation.
-I see.
-So if you asked me a question
and then I would like everybody,
if you don't mind participating,
doing my work for me, really
but answer your personal -
-Oh, so you're saying that you
want them to answer, as well
as if I'm asking them, too
-Yes, just so that we can se
what the Internet sounds like.
-Where are you from?
[ Audience shouting ]
-I'm from Brooklyn.
I'm from Brooklyn, New --
-See, that's not fun.
-That's the Internet, right?
[ Laughter ]
-So you think
it's basically, we're --
Free speech is wasted
on the Internet?
-Yes, exactly.
And, yeah, I just feel like,
you know, at this point,
free speech is one of thos
things that, you know --
Everybody says free speech
the ultimate democracy,
like that's a good -- So what?
You know what else
is the ultimate democracy?
Stands at a Jets game.
That doesn't make it
a positive experience.
And the Internet has been
like a Jets game.
First half, everybody's
supportive at the beginning.
We cheer each other on.
Now it's the second half
of the Internet.
People are walking around drun
in the stands,
trying to start fights.
Everybody else is filming
starting the fights.
You know.
[ Laughter ]
-You -- Have you been watching
the impeachment?
Do you find that
interesting at all?
-Yes, very.
-You do?
-I mean, it's -- Everybody's -
Everybody's miserable.
Everybody's heartbroken
and miserable.
-Yeah.
-Except for Trump. He loves --
Everybody's like, "Oh, Trump
must be freaking out."
This is what he lives for --
the parents fighting
while the bad little boy
runs around the White Hous
in different rooms.
Everybody's like, "Where is he
Trump, get back here."
[ Laughter ]
And everybody -- What kills me
is everybody's like,
"Oh, he could get impeached.
He's not leaving.
The only move
you're going to make --
No one's going
to get him out of there.
You're going to have to lock him
in, and then board it up,
and move the White House
to 1601 Pennsylvania Avenue.
-Just move it.
Like, put it up and just, like
put it on back of one of those
trucks and then just drive it.
-Yeah, just leave it --
That's a new White House
address now.
-The Oscars are coming up.
-Yes.
-I know you're
a cinephile of sorts.
-Oh, my God.
-Yeah. You love a movie.
-I do love --
I love like a half a movie
[ Laughter ]
From 1975.
-You did -- You tweeted about --
I know you've seen
"The Irishman."
-Yes.
-You tweeted about it.
You said "Irishman"
is superior to "Goodfellas
in that "Goodfellas"
cut out all the driving
and checking into hotels..
-Yes.
-...and just left in
the exciting parts.
-It was like
a TripAdvisor "Goodfellas.
-Yeah.
-Very exciting.
-Yeah, it was a real reminde
that, like, you know,
everybody thinks the mob -
Like, if you're in the mob
you just show up
where you're supposed to be.
You've got to drive
like everybody else.
[ Laughter ]
-But that's Scorsese's problem
I love him. Once he leaves -
Once he goes above Canal Street,
below the Bowery,
I'm just like, "No."
I don't like seeing him in -
I didn't even like "Casino."
That accent, that Great Lake
accent
in "The Irishman" and "Casino,
it's not the same
when they're like, "Hey, pal
I swear to God I'm going
to whack you," you know?
It's supposed to be
a New York accent.
Hey, didn't say I was a master
of accents, folks, you know?
I had high hopes
for that one, but --
-The Oscars is not
going to have a host again
-I know.
-How do you feel
about host-less award shows?
-Thank God.
It's important.
-Yeah.
-'Cause people -- Every movie'
like, serial killer.
Poison gas. World War I.
Genocide. Mass murderer. Mafia
And they're like,
"Don't bring out a host,
'cause people
might get triggered."
[ Laughter ]
It's like living in an old fable
with the King
who wouldn't laugh kind of -
-Yeah, yeah, yeah. Do you --
Did you like the days --
Did you look forward
to a comedian going out
to tell jokes
at an award shows like that?
-Of course I do.
-Yeah.
-I'm a comedian.
You know, I love it.
-Do you like it when --
Be honest.
Like, sometimes -- 'Cause
those rooms are really hard.
There are times where, you know,
I've loved watching someon
kill it at an awards show.
It's also a little fun
when it doesn't go great.
-Um...well, of course
'cause you identify.
You know, it's like
any other job.
When you see somebody
doing something
that hits you in your gut,
you have to laugh.
So anytime you see a comedia
with a little bit of sweat bea
right there, you're like, "Oh,
you laugh, 'cause that was you
-Yeah.
-You know --
You know they know
what's about to happen.
Even though the crowd
doesn't know,
you're like, "This is goin
to go south fast."
-It's also that thing abou
an awards show,
where it's, you know, it's not
like doing a set in a club
where you can adjust on the fly.
-Right.
-Like, you've written
your material.
-Yeah.
-And there are a few times
in my career
where you do two jokes,
and you put them there
'cause you thought
they were the best two,
and then they both strike out,
and you're like, "Oh,
if you don't like those...
-Yeah.
[ Laughter ]
-"...yeah, I got a bad feeling
about how the rest of this
is going to go."
