-I got to say, before we get
into "Last Man Standing,"
"Toy Story 4" trailer --
teaser trailer
came out this past week,
and everyone's talking about it.
It blew up on the Internet.
12 million views like in,
whatever, two days, three days?
-Yeah, yeah.
-I am so excited about this one.
Can you tell us anything
or not really?
-I was looking it up
with my kid backstage.
And Hanks said it best.
Of course,
he always says stuff best.
But the last scene
of that movie was --
I couldn't even get through it.
And I thought
there was pages after it.
And I read it, you know --
I had to turn around from
looking at it in the studio.
I said, "This is..."
It was so emotional.
It's a "Scarlett,
I don't give a damn" moment.
-Really?
-You know, Hanks says it,
of course, better because
he's, you know, Tom Hanks.
Always gets --
The whole movie,
literally, I'm going,
"Woody, watch out.
Damn it, Woody. Watch out.
Woody! Woody! Woody.
Woody? Woody?"
-That's it. That's the whole
script of "Toy Story 4."
The one and only.
But it is good?
-It is so good.
These guys are genius.
It's so deep and moving
and a wonderful plot.
I can't give anything away.
It's about different kind
of toys that you're not --
They really will surprise you
with the toys they come up with.
Characters came back.
New guys in it that are great.
Keanu Reeves
has got a great part.
Actually, a little inside story.
Even he said -- Gentle,
wonderful guy that he is.
"This sounds too much
like Buzz Lightyear."
And his character
does have an edge to that.
And the guy said -- So,
we calmed him down a little bit,
and they reminded me
his toy is only that big.
And I said,
"Well, Buzz ain't that big."
I mean, of course,
Woody's bigger
'cause it's Tom Hanks, you know?
Woody's a cowboy with no groin,
so, you know, everybody...
You've seen it.
I didn't design the toy.
Buzz has got
all his stuff hidden
so you don't know
what's going on.
-Do you ever hang out
with Tom Hanks?
Like, in real life,
do you get together?
Two humans and look at each
other and talk to each other?
We've become really good pals
because of "Toy Story."
-And you go out.
-We go out to these weird old --
like old lady luncheons.
We go, "Sit closer. Sit closer."
We end up sitting...
-But do people freak out
and recognize you guys?
-Generally him.
I'm just some guy with him.
You know, it depends on who just
got out of which movie.
But, you know, lately,
you know, sometimes it's --
Like, in New York,
no one can figure out
really where I come
into their lives.
It's different shows.
One guy here yelled across
the street, on Fifth Avenue,
"Hey, uh, uh, tool belt!"
-Tool belt!
-Tool belt.
And I go, "Yeah, yeah."
I don't know.
"Vice grip!"
And I just start
throwing out tool names.
-Tool names. Vice grips.
-Vice grips. Come on.
-Screwdriver!
-Allen wrench!
Come on, buddy!
-Tool belt.
Well, I mean, now,
here in New York
at this time of year,
you're Santa Claus.
-To some kids, yeah.
[ Cheers and applause ]
-I mean, come on.
-Well, I got an older daughter
and a young one.
The young one, she was precious.
I tried to warn her.
"We're gonna see this movie,
but I want you to know
it's a movie.
Your dad plays characters."
We did have permission
from the real Santa
to go to the North Pole
and take pictures.
But she sees the movie,
gets in my lap,
and she's all over it, crying
that I had to leave the boy,
Charlie, 'cause I went
back to the North Pole.
Then I have to
explain to the kid,
"Now, I don't want you
going to school
and telling your classmates
your dad is Santa Claus."
-'Cause he's an actor.
-'Cause he's an actor.
And I am literally
the last guy in the world
who should be Santa Claus.
And I -- Because I don't like
kids all that much.
I don't.
I'm not going to hurt them.
I don't say inappropriate stuff.
Just don't like them.
-You just don't -- Yeah.
-The original "Santa Clause"
was a little darker,
written by two comedians,
and I actually shot and killed
Santa In the original movie.
And he fell off the roof because
I thought it was a burglar.
And he gives me the card.
The whole movie starts.
But the kid actually starts,
"You just killed Santa."
I said, "He shouldn't
have been on the roof
when he wasn't invited."
I'm laughing so hard, but the
head of Disney at the time,
Katzenberg, said, "Well, we
can't start a movie like that."
I said, "Why not?"
He goes, "Well, you can't start
a Disney movie with
you murdering Santa."
-Well, why not?
-That's what I said.
I go, "I'm a comedian.
Why not? That's funny."
And I go,
"You kill all the parents
in all your other movies anyway,
you know?"
Don't they kill
a lot of people in...
You know, they do that.
-That's taking it too far.
-But I'm a comedian.
You know, years on the road,
and I'm in that suit.
And I'm smoking
a cigarette one day,
and I shut the director's door,
and I guess --
I can't say it on air,
but I said,
"You gotta keep those
frickin' kids away from me!"
And he goes,
"Number one, shut the door.
You got to stop saying that word
when you're in that Santa suit."
And I said --
These kids -- These kids --
"You're smoking a cigarette,
and these kids,
they think you're Santa."
I go, "They're actors."
"They're not actors.
They're children."
And I go, "So I gotta act like
I'm actually Santa Claus?
These little creeps think
this is actually Santa Claus?"
So these kids are out --
They're asking me questions.
"What does Santa eat?
What do the elves eat?"
I go, "How the hell
would I know what they eat?"
But all that comes --
What comes out of my mouth,
I said, "Uh, reindeer, I guess."
-Yeah, yeah.
[ Audience groans ]
-Look. It's the best I could
come up with. Reindeer.
"Why do you like
milk and cookies?"
"'Cause it takes the edge off
the Jack and Coke."
That's what it does.
Wrong guy.
Wrong guy to be Santa.
But I loved the movie, though.
-Oh, you're fantastic
in the movies.
