- Picture this: The proverbial
and probably quite physical sweat at this point is already dripping,
and now there's a few seconds of dread every single time
you're about to load into a new game on FIFA Ultimate Team.
You've spent ages building your squad. You've made sure everyone is fit,
and you've even slipped a couple of bronze players onto your bench
because superstition. Your opponent's team loads up, though,
and all of that preparation just goes straight out of the window.
They’ve got [Wissam] Ben Yedder. We might as well just disconnect from the game now.
The reality is there's a bunch of players on FIFA 20 that make you want to headbutt
your screen before your match has even begun. Now
Ben Yedder himself has been a FUT legend for years,
but this season EA have really taken the biscuit with it.
He's the perfect combination of things that slither into your
nightmares to make you wake up in a cold sweat.
He's fast; he can dribble; he's an excellent finisher;
and he's even got five-star weak
foot. Some people call him Ben Ye-Dare, and that rhymes with nightmare. Coincidence?
I think not. And just to pile on the misery,
he's French. So he has chemistry with pretty much any team on the
game, and he's just the start of the FIFA 20 nightmare. Pace has
always been ridiculous to contend with,
but this year there's players like Adama Traore,
Daniel James and Ryan Kent who were created specifically to cause the smashing of PlayStation
and Xbox controllers.
And the worst part is let's just say you deal with Adama Traore and his terrible weak foot
for 60 minutes, you already
know what's coming next. You know that Kent is about to rock up off the subs bench with his 98 pace
and his five-star weak foot. It's not even like it's a Champions League card.
It's the Europa League one. He probably had to beat some third-tier side from Luxembourg to get here.
You know what? Just end my suffering. Just put Daniel James on
as well, and let's get it over with. No wonder everyone's playing ultra defensive
and they're too scared to make a tackle.
If you foul any of these guys at the pace
they're running at, they're going to end up in the stands like a Lionel Messi
penalty in a Copa America final. Even if you perform a miracle and control these players,
what are you gonna do attacking-wise? You already know they've got Virgil van
Dijk and Eder Militao at centre-back,
and they're ready to clatter you as soon as you get near. And you know
they will. They're everywhere. But the crucial thing is if I have these defenders,
they're not going to be anywhere
near as good. They'll accidentally step over the ball, get distracted, think they're playing
cricket or something, allow you to have a free shot on goal,
which will inevitably cannon off the woodwork before landing to another one
of your players perfectly to put into an empty net.
But if the other team is using them, they're the greatest defender to ever
exist, kind of like Chris Smalling on FIFA 17.
Seriously, though, there's some FUT cards that make you want to pull the ethernet cable out
as soon as you see them load up. If I can't win on Ultimate Team, the rest of the family can't
have internet either. Players who make you want to stand
up and salute purely out of fear. Over the years,
we survived the Gervinhos, the Doumbias, the Ibarbos.
We've got over Jack Butland being the greatest goalkeeper of all
time, and we made it through the El Tornado crosses
landing straight on the head of Zlatan [Ibrahimovic].
Surely, then, we can make it through this,
right?
