 
 
 
I still remember
when I was passing out from college
There was this brief period of time during which
The Australian government, they pretended to
care for our students
And our students, they pretended to study also
So half my batch left
migrated, overnight, tadipaar!
Sabse ghatiya student
Jo kabhi dikha nahi college main teen saal
'Tu bhi jaayega chutiye?'
Bolta hai, 'Haan yaar, padhai important hai!'
Jo haath main aaya: MBA in Marine Biology
Theek hai!
Do-do dena, parcel!
Jaan ja raha hai yahaan pe...
And so many people left that even I started thinking
ki jaate hain kya?
Apun bhi jaayega na yaar
Kab tak rahega...
...Kandivali main?
So I thought a lot man
But it never appealed to me
That lonely NRI life
where you are away in some cold county abroad
just counting the days...
and the exchange rate
You get to come home once a year
during Christmas
And then you pretend that it's Diwali!
Waise Christmas bhi hota hai yahaan pe aaj kal, kaafi hota hai na?
Kandivali main bacche aaj bhi
Santa Claus ko
Jingle Bell bol rahe hain!
Jingle Bell!
Daddu hai ye
bechaara Darbhanga se aaya tha kamaane ke liye
Dekh kya haalat ho gaya hai bechaare ka
Usko Nachva rahe hain hum log laal gown pehenake
Ye hai tera First World...
 
In December you go to SukhSagar restaurant
All the waiters they are wearing Santa hats
And they are serving Methi-Peas-Malai
And just dying inside
So I never liked that dual existence
Coz as an NRI, you are a completely different person there
There you are following all the rules
Even the rules that don't exist!
You are bending over backwards for the white man
Haan yes Sir
Sir, no Sir
Sir thoda gaand pe maaro na Sir, maza aata hai hum log ko!
Reng raaha hai, Chuha hai wahaan pe woh
When he comes back here, yahaan pe hero hai woh
Raat ko andhere main ghoom raha hai goggles daal ke
chutiye ke jaisa
Sab ko tip baant raha hai
Waiter ko tip, Uber driver ko tip
...Mere ko tip!
I am like, 'Dude, I am your friend.'
'Sorry yaar woh paisa bahut jyaada ho gaya hai na mere paas!'
Khaali-fukat waapis aa rahe hain
Bhaav badha rahe hain Bisleri ka
Yahaan pe koi hai kya koi?
NRI?
Ab to koi bolega bhi nahi
...do log hain
Do log ka Ghar Waapsi hua hai yahaan pe
Waise abhi seasaon nahi hai na
May ho gaya abhi
They have a mating season
Dec_Jan
They are like Flamingoes
Aaya - Shaadi kiya - Chala gaya...
Parcel leke
Wahan se forward bhej raha hai...Hingewadi waala
Theek hai, if you feel
yahaan pe Hong Kong ho chuka hai...
come back!
Waapis aao - bharo GST yahaan pe
 
Dekho kitna maza aata hai
WiFi pe Desh Bhakti ho raha hai
You guys have been great so far, are you guys having fun?
You have been great but I must tell you that...
The best audience in the world...
Are NRIs
They are the best audience man
Because they are so happy all the time
And they are so forgiving
Woh log ek apne alag trip pe rehte hain pata hai
It's a parallel Universe
DC - Marvel - NRIs
So much that when we perform for them
We dont't even have to do...
...jokes
We just have to go up on stage and say
B...C!
- Standing Ovation!
Wah! Kya bola hai! Apna aadmi hai. Wah! Desh ki Mitti!
Dil jeet liya Bhai, kya maza aa gaya yaar!
You don't need jokes there
you don't need talent also
You just need to know three words
BC, Pav Bhaji, Modi!
Khatam!
Naach raha hai
Hi-fi de rahe hain, miss ho raha hai
Uncle apna baniyaan phek raha hai stage pe
Ye aadmi hai ki Maseeha hai ye Wah!
Ye Aarat hai Aarat!
That's it.
And then all you can say is, 'Thank you for listening that's my time.'
Ab itna bol diya hai to I will tell you one more thing
It's not like I hate NRIs
They are nice people
some of them
But one thing I think they need very badly
...is a reality check
Which is why I feel that NRI communities abroad
They should also organize
occasional riots
Occasional, sometimes.
Tereko chahiye na Desh ki Mitti?
To soongh B'sdike, yahi hai Desh ki Mitti, ye hau!
Baaki ka time karo muzhra, bulao Shah Rukh ko
 
 
 
 
