 
Dream Travel

by Janet Gillooly

Chapter 1

Jane O'Hara lived in Decatur, Alabama during her childhood but now resides in St Leonard, Maryland. She was raised in a big Catholic family however the family did not remain close like in her childhood. She now lived with her boyfriend David Shane after years of loneliness.

She sat reflecting on her life and realized that her life had been difficult but she was looking forward to better times. David, her boyfriend was willing to support her goal of trying to become a published writer. Jane had received a Masters in Counseling Psychology but realized she had no interest in pursuing this field.

Jane had become a devoted Catholic Christian over the years after she gave up drugs and alcohol. She spent all her time praying, writing and going to church. She did her exercise on the treadmill and she was frustrated with dieting. Jane spent many hours listening to tapes on spirituality, novels and poem s. She read a great deal of poetry. She was interested in becoming a poet and novelist.

Jane is a beautiful woman with blonde hair and green eyes however, she has put on an additional twenty pounds which, she is u1ing to lose. Her boyfriend David is a handsome man with dark features. He is six feet two inches tall whereas, Jane is five feet, eight inches tall. David Shane is a gourmet cook and makes excellent money.

He and Jane have a very nice garage apartment out in the country. He is a very clean man and dresses nicely. He loves Jane and eventually wants to marry her. "I wish I could have a successful career for once," Jane thought. She knew there would be many rejection letters to face from publishers, magazines and literary agents. She was hoping to find her purpose in life.

She felt badly for not living up to her beliefs but there was no way she could not have sex before marriage. She knew people in church would consider her a hypocrite for living with her boyfriend, so she tried not to get too close with church members. Jane felt God under stood her heart and would not be so harsh as people.

Jane felt she noticed a lot of spiritual signs, miracles and wonders that most did not notice. She felt good about her prayer life and her spiritual growth. Jane knew there was always room for improvement.

David came home from work while Jane was writing. "Hi", he said.

"Hi. How was work?" she said.

"Oh, the usual."

"I love you," she said.

"I love you too."

They settled down to bed, which meant no love making. Jane realized they were like an old married couple and he was usually too tired to last long. They only had sex once every three weeks . She appreciated everything else about their relationship but she just assumed the love making would not get much better.

Jane had a few people she could talk to but most people had no interest in being bothered. Jane had experienced a lot of losses over the years. She lost her brother, dad and a son through a tubule pregnancy. She also lost a friend through cancer. Her brother died of carbon monoxide poisoning due to a cracked furnace. Her dad died of a heart attack at age sixty. She did not know for sure what sex her baby was but just had a feeling. She was forty now and her circle of friends had diminished immensely.

Jane was not much interested in pursuing any more friendships at the time since she had been hurt a lot. She got lonely sometimes but she just tried to keep busy and accept her circumstances. She would devote all her time to writing and reading since she loved to learn. She felt blessed with her life but certainly wanted to improve it.

Jane could not remember her dreams too often but when she did they were always nightmares. Now and then she would have a spiritual dream and felt good about them. She prayed often to remember her dreams because she felt them to be of great significance.

Jane went to listen to new authors speak at a workshop. She

was very excited and found the authors informative. She met a woman there who was also forty, attractive and very friendly. Jane was not usually impressed with most people. She found most people to be guarded and aloof. This woman seemed different to Jane. The woman's name was Demelza Kane.

"Hi. What did you think of the speakers?" asked Demelza .

"They were okay," said Jane.

"You do not seem too thrilled."

"I just wonder if I will ever be a writer!"

"Sure you will. Why don't we get together on a regular basis and do things together. We could help each other with our writing."

"That would be nice. Do you have any children?"

"No I do not but I am married."

"I live in sin," Jane said.

"Do you have any children Jane?"

"No I don't."

"Good we have a lot in common. Let's exchange phone numbers before we leave."

"Great," exclaimed Jane.

The two ladies parted company. Jane felt hopeful that maybe she found a new friend that was local but did not have high expectations. She probably figured that Demelza would not really be interested in getting too close. She figured if they did get too close it would lead to fights. Jane wondered if she really would have someone to do things with since, she did most things by herself except, when her boyfriend was off from work. Now and then she got together with some of her friends but most of them were phone friends.

Jane loved her apartment becau se they kept it clean. There were windows in all the rooms except the bathroom. She loved being surrounded by trees and the landlord took care of his lawn, which was very green. She would look out the window looking at the beauty outside while, listening to classical music. She loved all music but nothing made her soul feel rich like classical music did. Now and then she would spot wild turkeys out in the yard.

She was a chain smoker, which always concerned her and David. She felt she needed those 'ciggs' to deal with life. Nights were hard on her sometimes because that is when she wrestled with her demons. She had always had problems going asleep early. David would fall asleep as soon as he hit the pillow. She knew it was because she had not done early hour s for a job in years. She was so grateful to just play housewife and a poor author.

David was good to her in a lot of ways and she was gentle towards him. David would however, lose patience easily and try to blame his moods on her. She would try to calm him down when he got like this. He always felt bad when he got like that. Jane knew neither one of them were perfect but they greatly appreciated each other.Jane knew she aggravated him but always knew he really cared.

He was her greatest confidant.

Jane knew she was inconsiderate in ways and that she had strange habits. David wanted everything to be perfect but perfection was not Jane's main objective. Even though both of them had their problems tl1ey were the best of friends.

Jane went asleep that night and dreamt she was in Africa taking care of some poor sick children. In her dream Mother Mary appeared, urging her to continue saving souls.

"Do not lose faith and continue praying," Mary whispered. Jane then awoke from her dream. The dream seemed so real that she felt like she had really been to Africa. Jane had visions at times in her life when she closed her eyes but certainly not like in this dream. She wondered if Mary really was speaking to her. Jane had always felt disappointed that Mary and Jesus never appeared to her.

Jane was sitting out in the kitchen drinking coffee when David walked out into the kitchen. "Good morning. Oh, you made coffee," David said.

''Yes baby," Jane said. "I had a strange dream last night. I dreamt I was in Africa helping poor children and Motl1er Mary told me to continue my work. Do you think I was really there?"

"Only in your dreams." David did not believe in such crap although he did believe in God. ''Your prayers haven't done you any good and they didn't prevent my mother from dying. My dad died years ago. God isn't going to do anything for you. You have to do it

yourself."

"Oh, you of little faith."

"Don't wear your halo too tight."

''You don't think anyone can have visions or travel in their dreams?" she asked.

"No most of those people are delusional," he sarcastically

retorted.

"Oh, honey you are so negative and pessimistic. You should pray more."

''You're right honey."

"I sure will be glad when we can afford to do something besides ju st errands," Jane said.

'We will soon baby now that I am getting more hours,'' he

said.

David and Jane did the usual errands and chores. They spent all their time together and went to church together. The only time they were not together was when David went to the car races. He promised her that they would go somewhere on vacation some day soon.

The phone rang and David answered it. "Hi. Yes just a

minute .Jane you have a phone call." "Hi Demelza how are you?" "I am fine. How are you?" "I'm fine."

'When do you want to get together?"

"How about Monday?" Jane asked.

"That will be fine. I will-give you a call Monday."

"Can I tell you about a dream I had?" Jane asked. Jane took all her phone calls in the bedroom so she could talk in private.

''Yes, please do."

"I dreamt that I was in Africa taking care of poor children and Mother Mary appeared to me. She told me to continue to save souls. She also told me not to lose faith and keep praying. What do you think?"

"It sounds interesting. I am a Catholic also. Hey I think that is a good sign."

"Do you think she really appeared to me?" Jane probably figured she didn't go to Africa.

"I think so!I can't wait to see you Monday. I want to hear more about this dream. Ross is home so I'd better go. I'll call you Monday, " she said.

"Great that will be fine. I'll see you on Monday,'' Jane finished. 'Who was that honey?"

"A new friend I met at the writers workshop. I like her a lot."

"Good honey."

"I love talking. I think we are going to get along fine." They finished talking and hung up.

David was already asleep for the night soJan e just lay there thinking. She wondered if she would get anywhere with her writing. She wondered if the dream meant anything. She felt hopeful and fell asleep easily.

It was Monday and Demelza called Jane like she said she would. Jane got directions and went over to Demelza's house. Jane arrived at her new friend's house and turned off her car. The house was out in the country and a very nice home. Jane felt right at home with Demelza.

"Hi Jane come right in. I've got lunch for us and cookies. I've made roast beef sandwiches. Is that okay?"

"That is great. I sure love your home it is so nice!" "Thanks, I like it. Tell me more about your dream."

Jane was looking around noticing the blue, soft looking couch in the living room and the beautiful blue shiny kitchen floor. "Oh, there isn't much to tell about the dream. I just felt like I had been there to Africa for real."

"Don't you believe in dream travel?"

"I don't know. I certainly know Padre Pio seemed to be able to."

"Oh, Jane it sounds like this dream could mean something.

Did you dream anymore last night?"

"Not that I can remember."

"Jane please let me know if you have anymore of those dreams. I think dreams are fascinating! Any thing can happen when you are."

Jane seemed to sense a super spiritual glow surrounding her new friend. She seemed to believe in Jane even though she didn't know her. She was so open and free to discuss anything. Demelza was forty with dark brown hair and brown eyes. She baked cakes when she was not writing. Her husband Ross was a chemical engineer for NASA.

"Thatis very interesting about Ross being a chemical engineer for NASA!" Jane exclaimed. "My dad use to work for NASA as a cl1emical engineer also. What a cuwinkedink!"

"That is interesting," Demelza said. "I believe we were suppose to meet. Oh,, I do hope you like talking a lot."

They went on talking for a couple hours. "Well I need to be going."

"Oh, boy, you have been here two hours already. Can you imagine after we really get talking? I'll walk you out to the car."

Jane left feeling very hopeful about her new friendship. She decided she would go home to continue writin g on her novel. God had answered her prayers again.

Patrick O'Conner was a volunteer for the Peace Core. He had a good jo b as a manager for his dad's business, which was mostly antiques and art. His dad had acquired this bu siness through his wealth as a lawyer. Patrick also took care of collecting money for the big condominium duplex that his dad owned. Patrick acquired his wealth from his dad.

Patrick was raised a Catholic and even though he had it easy financially, he never lacked compassion for those who did not have it so easy. He was very spiritual and at one time though t he might become a monk. Instead he did volunteer work for the Peace Corp. He did a lot for the Peace Core in the summer months. This time he was to go to Africa.

He was raised in Dallas, Texas. This is where he and his dad lived all their life. They had a big mansion out in the country. His mom passed away when he was only ten years old. She had been killed in a tragic car accident due to a drunk.

Patrick knew he would be going to Africa in the next two weeks. He had to get packed and be ready to leave by plane. He was really excited about going to Africa. He had been lots of places bu t he never enjoyed any place like he did in Knock, Ireland. He took the trip to Knock on his own which had nothing to do with the Corps.

Knock was a beautifu l small town with lots of religious functions. He saw the poor there just like anywhere else. He loved the spiritual devotion of these people. He was among many tourists there. Knock is a site sanctified by the Catholics for the visions that took place tl1ere. He knew he would have to go back there to visit again.

The plane was in the air and he was on his way to Africa. He wondered what this jou rney would bring. He felt lonely for a mate sometimes but tried to put it out of his mind.

Jane was wondering if she would ever get to travel. She would love to go to Knock, Ireland but knew it would probably be awhile. She wanted to travel but was not crazy about planes. She hated the idea of not being able to smoke on planes.

"Hello." said Jane answering the telephone.

".Hi.,,

"Hello Karen." Karen was Jane's sister. Their relationship could be close at times but mostly Karen never called.

''Mom is having a birthda y party for Annie. She turns five Friday. We thought you would like to come."Annie was their brother 's daughter.

''Yes, I will be there Friday."

''Yes everyone will be there. I gotta go get some dinner."

"Okay, well I'll talk to you later,"Jane said.

"Is everyone going to be there? I just thought I would call you ."

Jane went asleep that night and began to dream. She was in Africa again in her dreams. Mother Mary appeared to her again. "Your life will not go to waste," Mary said. "You have so much to look forward to so do not despair. I am with you always and your prayers will be rewarded greatly."

In the dream Jane could see her so clearly. The night was cool and there was a glow that surround ed the sky. Mary was so beautiful to behold. The moon was full and she saw a red glow around it.

Jane awoke with a creepy feeling. She felt scared in the dream and she did not know why. How could she be scared after having such a beautiful dream. She jus t laid there trying to remember her dream.

Chapter 2

Patrick arrived in Ruanda, Congo at nine a.m. He was in awe of the beautiful country. He settled in the house where all the other volunteers would be staying. His main function in helping the natives and non-natives alike would be educating them and providing medical supplies.

He settled in his room to take a nap but started reading books on the area he was located in to be familiar with his surroundings and the people he would be trying to help. He would take a walk around the area when he was rested. He fell asleep dreaming of being in heaven with his mother.

Jane did not enjoy the family gathering that much without David there. She had not been to family gatherings in several years until David became a part of her life. She tried not to count how many years it had actually been since she had been with her family on Christmas. She was glad to be home, back to her sweet solitude.

Jane remembered how lonely Christmas had been since her father passed away in January of 1985. She had not really enjoyed Christmas since then . In fact she dreaded the holidays and wished they would never come again. David changed all that sadness into joy. She looked forward to the holidays now like never before.

Jane used to need people too much, she thought, but now she actually enjoyed her solitude. She had a lot more to keep her busy these days and enjoyed her life. Strength was something one acquired through no choice of their own. Wisdom was something gained by God. Jane still enj oyed phone conversations bu t it would be a lot nicer to spend time with Demelza.

Demelza invited Jane to come to her house the next day. Demelza had thought it would be nice for them to go to church, have dinner and then go see a movie. The two women had a lot to discuss among many topics such as the news, religion , sex and their lives. Demelza had told Jane not to worry about the sex part it would surely get better.

Demelza was very funny, empathetic, intelligent and had an incredible spiritual aura that surrounded her. Jane felt life pulsate through her like never before. Life would never be the same having a friend like this special woman.

"It sounds like you have learned a lotJane," Demelza joyfully

exclaimed.

''Yes I have but I feel like there will be a lot more for me to learn from you. You are so dear to me already. I have never met anyone like you before. You are such a spiritual genius."

"I believe I will learn a lot from you as well. You are more spiritually inept than you know. Your prayer life will keep rewarding you greatly. Lets go to church and then see Devil's Advocate."

The two ladies went to church together. Jane could not help but notice that people really focused on Demelza. Everyone seemed to appreciate her warm heart and friendliness. How could anyone not feel her spiritual presence when she walked into a room.

The amusing part toJane was she felt her to be no threat or competition. They were both very accepting of each other neither containing a superior spirit. This friend was indeed a spiritual giant in her own right.

Patrick had eaten dinner and gone out to walk in the night air. The moon was full and the trees were huge. The lake reflected the light of the moon. He felt accepted by nature and at peace.

Patrick knew he would have a lot of work ahead of him but looked forward to it. He also looked forward to the solitude he could enjoy in such a beautiful environment. It would be another journey to look forward to acquiring more wisdom.

Patrick thought about his dream of being in heaven with his mother. He wondered if his dream was real. Heaven was beautiful beyond words. The streets were golden and the waters glistened. Nature was at its best. He could smell the fresh air, with the scent of flowers and trees and see all the beautiful emeralds designed on all the mansions including diamonds, rubies and many more colored jewels.

His thoughts were deeply involved in remembering his mother in the dream but was interrupted by Skip, one of the volunteers. "It sure is beautiful here isn't it?" he asked.

''Yes it is great," Patrick said.

"I do hope we don't see any snakes around here. I do not wish my faith to be tested in such a way. Spiders, snakes and lions, Oh, my," stated Skip.

"Don't worry I'll wake you up before they all kill you so you can watch the excitement."

"Gee, tl1anks you are a real pal. I'll be sure to put a good

word in for you to the boss. The big man in the sky may give you

your just desserts."

"I'm not worried because lessons seem to be our plot in life. Don't round up the critters just yet, I've got a few more dreams left to dream. I'll just let you die in peace."

"I don't intend to die just yet. I need some time to eat some

more of that chocolate pie. Oh, well, let me get some pie before I

crash."

''Yea, I'll probably turn in early myself." He wondered if his soul mate was in Africa. Maybe he would get lunch and dream about her tonight. He sure didn't relish the idea of being alone much longer.

Jane always gave attention to the two hunting dogs of the

landlord who were always fenced up in two medium squares. The landlord would set them free every day to run on the property. They however were not let out when it rained which had been quite often as of late. The dogs Patches and Suzy remained in their doghouses in case of a down pour. Jane considered herself quite blessed to have these two angels in her heavenly abode.

Jane realized she missed her mother and appreciated her so much more tl1ese days. She appreciated her family when knowing of others that had none. She decided to go see her mom who was an hour away.

"Hi mom. How are you? There you are Duke." Duke was the family dog. He was a mutt but mostly a German Shepherd. She did love him so and he was especially dear to everyone since the death of their brother. Her brothers' name was Joe and Duke had been his dog.

'Jane I have some salad if you would like some. Oh,, of course I know you would probably prefer pizza. You will eat anything that will help you to gain weight. Are you going to waste your education on a silly dream of becoming a writer?"

"Mom you are positive as usual."

"Oh, I cannot say anything to you without you getting an attitude!"

"Mom let us just drop this conversation because it will go

No where."

''You are so right. So will you be getting a job?"

"Not right now but maybe later. I have decided not to go for my P. H. D."

"That is a good decision. It would take too long anyway.

"How is David doing?"

"He is fine. We will be better off financially in a few weeks .

How is everyone at the rosary?"

"They are fine. They ask about you sometimes. I ju st tell them very little. They know you live in Calvert County but do not know who you live with.

"Thanks mom that is good. They are a little too self- righteous for my blood. I'm sure if- they did know I would be hanging from a cross."

"Oh, Jane I am sure you are right. Did I tell you someone

broke the window on the car next door?"

''Yes, mom, you have told me ten times already!"

"My memory is not as good. Do you mind if I tum on the

Jane could appreciate her mom's circumstances of her life and knew that she did not quite know how to express encouragement due to her lack of parental bonding. Jane had her mom and believed her mom had become more accepting of her. They talked for hours and her other brother Thomas was also conversing. Thomas lived at home which was a great comfort for the family knowing mom was not alone.

Jane said her goodbyes and left for home. She appreciated me drive which frequently gave her an opportunity to listen to music, pra y and sometimes visit old friends when she was in the neighborhood. She was driving along, thinking how death of loved ones make you really value the ones still here. She had regrets like anyone else but did not dwell on them. She just did her best with what she had in life for now.

#### "TV?"

"That would be fine. Your favorite show is on. I think I will go outside to smoke and take Duke with me."

''I'll be out in a few minutes since it is such a nice day."

Jane loved her visit and always appreciated that her mom took very good care of herself. She quit smoking years ago. She lost all her weight and continued to be very disciplined in keeping her weight off. She exercised daily taking a three mile walk at the mall and swimming classes. Her mom was seventy-five years old.

Her mom was very independent and strong. She had raised eight children and worked hard all her life. She lost both of her parents when she was fourteen years old. Her dad was killed in a hunting accident and her mom died of T. B. It had been her twin sister and they had faced the world together. They stayed with their Aunt in the early years.

Chapter 3

Jane particularly liked her fish,Angel, which she realized she should have named Oscar, Killer or Crazy. Their fish was a silver fish, which did resemble an angel with her angelic fins but her personality did not match the name. Angel had eaten all the other fish that they once had. She had a strange habit of rearranging everything in the fish tank. She pushed the blue rocks and also took them in her mouth spewing them out. She pu shed around all the plants and shells. It was amazing that she could also pu sh around the big plant. She certainly would grow larger in a bigger fish tank but remained an average size for a smaller fish in tight quarter s.

Jane at first did not like th.is fish but she grew very fond of her. She was very friendly towards her and David. She would come right up to her finger with no fear. She had a very dominant personality but also a gentle spirit. She was a part of the family and would have to do for now. They could not have a dog in th.is apartment because the landlord would not allow it. David had said it would probably be another year before they would be living in a hou se. Jane knew she could have a dog when they did move.

Jane and David did a lot of baby talking with each other.

She thought if anyone could hear them they would surely be repulsed . She realized that there was such a gentleness between them that it spurred on baby talk. Jane sometimes was afraid that th.is southern baby talk would accidentally slip out at the wrong time. She valued David and his easy going spirit. He surely did spoil her and she enjoyed every minute.

Patrick did not tell anyone of his lady visitor. He would reflect on her later for he had lots to do. The volunteers kept very busy that day taking care of the poor and sick. It was very depressing to all of them because they wished more could be done. Patrick the man who was in charge of everything. His name was James Port. He was a slim man with a light complexi on and white. He was an average looking man. He mainly was in charge of collecting money for the poor but also managed any volunteer s that were in the area. Patrick found him very informative and certainly was cooperative.

Jane gave much thought to her friends and family. She felt bad for one friend who suffered from Manic Depression and her brother who seemed to be dead of a broken heart. There was not much she could do for them so she kept them in her prayers.

David came home and they made love passionately like never before. She remembered Demelza telling her that things would get better but never suspected it to happen so soon. Jane was use to waiting for things to happen a great deal of the time. Miracles only seemed to happen with great sweat and years of prayer. She realized that miracles did not come to some and wondered why. Jane thought that becau se she was not married she could not count on the fruits of love in the bedroom but she was wrong.

David fell asleep and Jane thought how powerful the prayers of Demelza must be. She thought of her best friend Missy who seemed to not want further contact with her. Th.is hurt her a great deal and she could not believe it nor understand.

Jane fell asleep and again she dreamed she was in Africa. Mary appeared to her again asking her to reach out to the lost souls. ''You must not give up on people, for this will not do." Jane was in a field listening to Mary very intently. ''You do not realize the power God gives you. You must become aware of his power totally."

Jane wa s in the field but then Mary disappeared. For the very first time in her dreams she felt like taking a walk. She found herself out in front of a house where th.is path had led. She saw a very handsome man there praying.

He looked up while praying noticing a beautiful woman standing in front of him. "Hi. Where do you come from?" he asked. "I just came from a field and took a path which led me here. I do not mean to disturb you."

"Oh, you are not disturbing me. It is a pleasure I assure you,

to have your company. My name is Patrick and your name is?" "My name is Jane. It is good of you to be so kind." ''Nonsense it is no effort at all. Please sit down. Could I get

you something to drink?"

''No thanks. I will not be staying long. How long have you

lived here?"

"I don't live here. I am a Peace Core volunteer, only here temporarily and you?"

"I am here only as a visitor. I am actually here in a dream. This is not really happening. I just had a vision of the Blessed Mother in the field."

"I assure you that you are not dreaming for I am very real.

It is odd that you say these things. Do you feel faint?"

"No I do not feel badly. I know you think I may be mad but you will see that this is not so when I go. I really cannot stay."

"Please stay for I find you very lovely. Maybe you are here in spirit for God works in mysterious ways. Please do not go for I did not mean to offend you."

''No I must go for I do not belong here."

She left him and he found himself intrigued by her responses. He had never heard such talk in all his years. He wondered if she was his guardian angel.

She awoke feeling very exhausted. She remembered the man in her dreams and wished it was not a dream. She thought what an imagination she had to not only make this man real but to conjure up quite a handsome lad. She decided to make coffee trying not to wake up David.

It was nightfall and everyone had eaten dinner after a long day. Patrick sat reflecting on the day. He could not get Jane out of his mind. He wondered if she was just a very sick woman. He could not imagine her words to be true. How could she possibly be there in spirit due to her dream. He believed in miracles but could not allow himself to believe such a tale.

He decided to take a nice long walk. He went through all the woods and came upon a field which seemed to be out in the middle of nowhere. He remembered Jane saying she had come from a field. Could this be the field? he wondered. He was behind the trees and before he had decided to go out into the field he saw a helicopter land.

He decided to keep himself hidden and to spy on this helicopter. He then saw a white truck pull up near the helicopter after its' propellers ceased. It was James Port who got out of the truck. Patrick decided he would move up closer to the side of the woods in order to hear clearer. He was able to hear them clearly.

The man in the helicopter got out and had two suitcases, which h e places on top of the truck. The conversation began and Patrick could hear the men talking. "Hello James, I have your money." "Great that looks good. How is our drug and slave business going?"

"They are going fine. We certainly are not racists for we enslave blacks and whites as well. We know our boss is the greatest." "Yes, we certainly have the best boss. We are rich thanks to our intelligent bargaining. Don't forget our meeting will be here next

Tuesday." James said.

"Yes, the other man continued. The KKK have nothing on us. This meeting will prove very fruitful for us all. Well I'd better be going."

''Yes, I'll see you around," James finished.

Patrick watched both of the men leave. He was trembling and could not believe his ears. He wondered who their boss was. Patrick knew he would have to come back Tuesday to spy on this meeting. He wished he had not seen all this but felt obliged to come back.

He thought he should keep this meeting a secret. Patrick did not know who to trust. He went to bed feeling very afraid of impending danger. It took him awhile but he finally fell asleep.

Demelza and Jane planned to go out for dinner. Demelza knew Jane could not afford it but insisted Jane could return the favor. Jane reluctantly agreed and they had decided on Italian. It was a good idea because the tables were very private. Demelza did not smoke but did not mind Jane smoking. The two ladies were seated and very excited with the prospect of each others company.

"Demelza I had another dream.This dream is even stranger than the last. Please give me your opinion for I do trust it."

"Oh, of course Jane I would love to hear it. My opinion I will gratefully share. Jane do go on about your dream." They were interrupted however, with the waitress wanting to take their order. The order was taken and their drinks were soon served. Jane soon was telling her friend about tl1e dream.

"I dreamt I was in the field with Mary talking to me." She soon gave a total account of the dream and concluded with the nice man she met. "I do declare that the dream was so real. The man told me I wasn't dreaming. Do you consider this an odd dream?"

"Oh, no I think it really did occur. I believe that you do possess the gift of traveling in your dreams. I have a very good feeling about the outcome."

"Do you think I belong with David? I do hope that it is

David. This man Patrick seems very special."

"]ane I do believe you belong with David. I do not know what part Patrick plays in your life. Please be very careful in your dreams.

"Do you think I am in danger? How could anyone hurt me

in my dreams? My body is not really there in Africa."

"I do not know if your body was there or not. Surely you must have been very real to Patrick. Just be careful Jane for I feel concerned about these dreams."

"Yes, I guess you are right. I probably should be careful for

I believe my body was there. I do hope that I will not be in any danger but I will heed your warning. Do you think I will be okay?" "Oh, yes Jane you will be fine. Nothing will happen to you

if you are careful. You must realize that these dreams could be real. You must not discount that possibility or I fear for you."

''Yes I will pray on this for the truth to be revealed. If I am

not conscious of something being real than I could certainly suffer the consequences. If I could get more information in my dreams I might be able to research the truth."

"That is a very good Idea. Just keep aware of any truth on this matter. I would also suggest that you keep an eye on th e news. I will not say whether you were really in Africa but I will not say that you were not."

They had a wonderful dinner and a mysteriously delightful

conversation. Demelza took Jane home.Jane decided to discuss this with David. David was still at work so it gave her time to reflect on the evening. She could not believe any of this nor Demelza's feelings of danger for Jane. She knew David would think her to be quite mad. "He probably would disapprove of my friendship with Demelza,"Jane thought.

David came home and listened to Jane's account of the evening she had spent with Demelza. He could not believe that she had ch osen another sick friend. He started to grow impatient rolling his eyes. He began exhausting her with his opinions.

''Your new friend is sicker than all of your other friends put together. How can you believe all of this crap? You are not in any danger. Now you will never sleep. Is your new friend not taking her medication? Does she have a mental illness?"

"She seems perfectly sound to me but maybe she is odd. I don't know what to believe. I knew you would never believe this," she said.

"Oh, of course don't believe this. I would need medication if I did. You don't believe this either and you know you don't. You need to leave people alone for you can't trus t anyone."

"I do not wish to live my life without friends as you do. That is why you are so temperamental. I am isolated enough and ne ed to get around people more than I do."

The conversation ended in them jokin g and laughing as usual. Jane knew he was right and respected him for most of his opinions. David fell asleep easily as usual.Jane lay there not knowing what to believe. She would go asleep without fear. She slept deeper than usual.

Jane awoke the next morning not remembering any of her dreams. She told herself that these dreams were just dreams. She would not waste anymore time giving them serious thought. She figured that the dreams were proba bly over.

Jane realized that she would always be average. It made her sad to think that the dreams were not real. She wondered if she would ever have a reasonable career.

Patrick awoke the next morning trying to remember his dream. He dreamt that he was in heaven again with his motl1er. His mother told him to be very careful for he was in grave danger. "Do not go out into the field until you hear the whistling of the wind," she said. He reflected on her words and for the first time in his life he felt very afraid. He was comforted by his mother's words.

He wondered if Jane could really travel in her dreams. He hoped that they would meet again. He believed in his dream. He would listen to Jane next time with an open mind.

He hoped Tuesday would never come. Patrick wanted to just ignore the whole situation. He knew he was driven to go, so he would.

The volunteers were about doing their work. Patrick would have to be very normal acting when he saw James Port. He was not looking forward to seeing this evil man again.

James Port arrived on the scene as usual. He went about doing his normal bu siness. He asked for contribution s to his fund, which he claimed were for the poor. Everyone gladly gave what they had. Every volunteer gave money to him except Patrick. He ju st simply told James that he had no money. He did not seem bothered by Patrick not being able to give him any money.

The day was over and all the volunteers had dinner together.

Patrick excused himself and remained in his room for the evening. He was very angry at the sight of James. He could not believe the nerve of that man. He would like to see that man locked up for his crimes. He felt himself wishing James were dead and all his cohorts. He prayed for James and asked God for strength to deal with this situation. Patrick then fell asleep to escape his anger.

David and Jane got their tax refunds back so they both decided to go out to a much needed supper. He had decided to take her out for a nice Mexican dinner. They both put on their finest clothes that evening.

The couple was seated in a private romantic spot. Jane had decided that she would enjoy dessert as well. David was very excited about the whole evening. Jane talked him into going to see a movie afterwards.

The night was very special to both of them. They had not been out for a nice meal in about six months. She was so grateful to see David in such a pleasant mood. They had both been through a lot lately especially David. It was nice not to have to worry about their finances for a change.

The movie was very interesting and the popcorn was delicious. He whispered that he loved her and she replied the same. He felt so blessed to have her in his life. The night ended and they were on their way home.

The night was peaceful and they made love. They both stared at each other with deep feelings of love. It was another memory Jane treasured.

Patrick knew tomorrow was Tuesday. It would be a night that could possibly end his life. He knew certainly that his life would change. He sure hoped he would not be discovered near the field. He felt very nervous but would try to give it to God.

Demelza called Jane the next day hoping she could come over.Jane agreed but Demelza could hear the hesitation in her voice. She would talk to Jane about it when she arrived.

Jane was reminded of her dreams but would try to discourage Demelza from talking about this subject. It would do neither of them good, thought Jane, to subject themselves to day dreams. Jane was feeling very thankful for just being alive.

The leader proceeded to call on their boss and it was Satan.

Jane and Demelza were together again talking at Demelza's house. Demelza tried to find out why Jane was hesitant in coming over. Jane explained to her that David gave her a hard time about believing in these dreams. Demelza began to discuss her feelings about the next dream Jane would have tonight.

'']ane I know you do not believe you can dream travel but

I do. Please let me say this and then the subject will be closed. I believe you will be in Africa again tonight. Be very careful for tonight

there will be danger."

''Demelza I know you mean well but that is not going to

happen. These dreams are just dreams. You are trying to scare me." "I am not trying to scare you. I am your friend and I am just

trying to warn you. Psychic ability runs in my family and my feelings

are usually right."

"Okay then tell me what will happen tonight in Africa."

"It is best that you find out for yourself."

"See I knew you could not tell me anything. I do not believe

you. Please let us drop this subject."

The subject was dropped and they talked about other things

for another hour. Jane appeared not to be concerned about Demelza's

comments. Demelza was cheerful and supportive as usual.

Jane went home not harboring any resentments towards her friend. She was wondering if she would be able to fall asleep. Even though Jane had told Demelz a she did not believe her this was not true.

Patrick noticed that the full moon was out tonight. He waited for the whistling of the wind and proceeded towards the field. It was midnight and he hoped the meeting was not over. He had no idea what time the meeting was but knew his mom did.

He hid behind the trees and noticed that the meeting was forming. He heard someone walking towards him and noticed it was Jane. He instructed her to be quiet and explained to her softly all the details.

There was a fire in the center of the meeting with twenty

people encircled around it. They started chanting in pig Latin, dancing around the circle. Then the leader took a crying infant and laid it on the altar. He killed the baby with a knife and then burned it in the fire.

Satan appeared. The people bowed down before him. Satan's voice was chilling and he began to speak. He thanked them for their devotion and continued to promise everyone wealth . He instructed them to continue trying to destroy Christians. Victims were a necessity for his power. He then disappeared and the people shouted loudly praising him.

The people then had a black mass destroying the body and blood of Christ. Evil music played loudly while everyone was dancing. It was an eerie nigh t.

Jane and Patrick looked at each other in horror. They did not speak to each other for fear of being discovered. They both noticed the slaves that were in chains.

One of the women slaves was raped by all tl1e men. The woman was put on the altar and slaughtered. She was then thrown in the fire. The slaves were men and women , all terrified.

Patrick and Jane heard the whistling of the wind. Patrick motioned her it was time to leave. They both left in a hurry and reached his house. They both sat on his patio unable to speak for several moments.

Patrick began to tell her that he believed she could dream travel. He told her of his dreams about his mother. They began to discuss the night amongst themselves.

"I can't believe this night. Demelza was right about danger. It is horrible what they did. What can we do to stop them?"

''We will have to find out where they keep their slaves first. If we blow the whistle too early more innocent people could die. Mary will guide you and my mother will guide me."

''Demelza will also guide me. I am very afraid of something happening to us. I think although we may be safer knowing."

"He could take any of the volunteers as slaves. It is a good thingI know about this. I wonder where those poor slaves come from."

"I do not know but I am sure we will find out. Please give me an object so I know this dream is true. Do you have a rosary?" ''Yes that is an excellent idea. Here is my Irish rosary. Put this rosary in your sock."

Jane left and Patrick went up to his room to get some much needed sleep. He could not believe this entire night. He felt very sad for the two victims killed tonight. He wondered if h e would remember his dreams and fell asleep.

Jane awoke. She took the green rosary out of her sock and could not believe her eyes. She woke up David and told him about the dream. Neither one had a doubt about her dreams being true.

Jane called Demelza and told her everything. Demelza was extremely excited and was glad Jane was safe. They both agreed to get together today since David was working.

Jane wanted to tell everyone she knew about her dreams

but decided against it for now. She couldn't wait to see Demelza. She was looking forward to seeing Patrick again but wished it was under better circumstances.

David begged her not to get involved in this danger but he knew she was not going to listen. He was feeling jealou s of this man in her dreams. She reassured him that nothing would take her away from him.Jane and Demelza decided to go see a movie. They both arrived at the movies undecided about which movie to watch. A man approached both of them and Jane could not believe her eyes. It was Patrick and he was in shock too.

"Oh, my God you can dream travel too. Patrick this is getting very strange. I wonder if you are from the dark side."

"Oh, no,"Patrick said. ''I am very much a Catholic Christian. I could never be a part of that horror we experienced."

''Jane, I assure you that he is not," Demelza said. "He is a very spiritual man. I have had dreams about both of you together." ''Why didn't you tell me that you were there also? Please tellme what is going to happen to us? Please Demelza tell us."

"I was not there in body but in spirit. I was only there to observe. I cannot tell you anything because I don't know anything." "This is very creepy and I am not sure about trusting eitherone of you. I wish I could believe you are both Christians. You bothwant me dead!"

"No,Jane that is not true. I am your friend and I know all of this is strange. Patrick and I could never harm anyone. We are both very good and I trust him."

"I did not summon you to Africa. I wasn't sure about you but now I am. Pray about it and God will guide you," said Patrick.

They all decided to go to Demelza's together. They all needed to talk and Jane needed reassurance. Demelza was very concerned about Jane's fears.

Jane felt very comfortable with both of them. They all prayed together for guidance awhile. Jane knew she was a part of something very special. She was excited about her new friends.

Demelza gave Patrick a blue rosary to put in his sock. Patrick

disappeared right before them. Jane could not believe her eyes.

Patrick woke up and discovered the blue rosary in his sock. He was convinced of everything and was looking forward to more dreams. He would spy on the field again tomorrow if his mother guided him so.

He went to work as usual excited about his life like never before. His excitement dissipated however, when, he sawJames. He felt nothing but contempt for this man and would have to hide his feelings.

Skip volunteered to carry a package for James taking it to the post office. Patrick wondered if it were drugs and noticed the address. He would write this address down and try to locate it. He had a computer so he would do his research. He would also research any missing persons.

Jane told David what happened at the movies. David suggested they go use the computer at the library to research some of these people, in Africa, including Patrick. Jane agreed and wondered what they would find out about Patrick and Demelza.

Skip was invited to go out to dinner with James Port. Patrick knew nothing of their going out together. Skip left that evening and he never returned. The volunteers were very concerned the following morning.

Patrick decided to do his research tonight on the computer because last night he could not keep his eyes open. He would research Jane and Demelza as well. He wondered if he was not being set up for a fall. He wished he had warned Skip beforehand about James.

Jane and David found information about Patrick on the computer. He seemed to be legitimate. She also located James Port and found him to be a business man of charity. They found one hundred people who were missing from Africa. They made a copy of all their findings. She found no record of Demelza or Ross her husband.

She could not believe her friend could not be found. Maybe she was not from this country. She would get the truth out of Demelza. David and her decided they would come back to use the computer tomorrow.

Jane decided she would go see Demelza alone. She had never met Ross. David would wait for her at home.

Patrick found information on James, Jane and one hundred missing people in Africa. He also found information on all the volunteers which proved them to be okay. He could not find information on Demelza. He hoped Jane was in no danger.

He found the address and would try to locate it tomorrow.

He realized the mailing address was very close. He had a feeling he would find Skip. The police would be involved if Skip did not show up tomorrow.

He fell asleep and dreamed about his mother. She told him to go to the field in two days. He woke up in a sweat. He fell asleep again, snoring for the rest of the night.

Jane was on her way to see Demelza. She wondered if Demelza would have a good story. She hoped she would be satisfied with her answers. It would be very upsetting to Jane if she lost another best friend.

Chapter 5

Patrick found the address that was on the mailing package that Skip delivered for James. It was a huge mansion three miles from the field in a deep wooded area. He could not believe the size of the mansion, certainly larger than his father's mansion.

He knew this was the place where the slaves were probably located. He decided he would go to the police with his suspicions. Patrick hoped that all of this would be over soon. Maybe since he was to go to the field soon he would engage the police to go with him.

Jane was driving towards Demelza 's house and was nervous about what her friend might tell her. She drove by but could not see Dem elza's house. She mus t have gone too far. She retraced her steps. The house was not there and Jane was sure this was the location. She got out of the car walking around the empty plot where once was Demelza's house.

Jane could not believe her eyes. Demelza and her house had vanished . She felt very strange and scared about this. She walked toward a house nearby and knocked on the door. The neighbor had informed her that there was never a house there. The old woman looked at Jane puzzled and then Jane left the woman getting back into her car.

Jane wondered who Demelza really was. Was she an evil angel or a good one? She knew David would never believe this. She wondered if she would see Patrick again in her dream travels. She prayed to God hoping for an answer about Demelza disappearing.

Jane informed David about her findings when she returned home. David called Demelza's number bu t the recording said this number was not a working number. Jane called the number again and the same recording came on.

Jane and David were both in shock. She hoped she would see Patrick tonight in her dreams to be able to tell him of her findings. It took both of them awhile before they could fall to asleep.

Patrick talked to the police officer explaining everything in detail to him. The officer agreed to send police to this mansion. He would contact Patrick if it were necessary for them to go to the field.

Patrick explained to the volunteer s that the police were looking into Skip's disappearance. The volunteers were relieved and they certainly hoped the police would find him. He sat out on the patio wondering what the police would find.

Jane appeared in front of Patrick. Patrick looked up and noticed her dressed in jeans. "Did you wear those clothes to bed?"

"No, isn't that funny. I guess dream travel takes care of that tool"

"This year has been the strangest I have ever had," he said.

"That is not half of it Patrick. Demelza never existed. I went to visit her at her house that use to be there. There is no record of her or Ross. The house must have been a figment of my imagination. Her phone number is not a working number."

"I looked her up in my computer and could not find her," he said.

"I did computer research also and she does not exist."

"The police are going to the mansion I found near the field. Skip is missing as well as many others in Africa . I hope to hear from the police soon so maybe it will be all over."

"That is great Patrick but I wonder why I landed here instead of the field. I guess I must be in tuned to where you are now. I sure hope I find out about Demelza ."

"I am sure that you will find-out about her. It is sure nice to see you. Why don't we go for a walk in the woods away from the field?"

"That sounds really nice," she said.

They walked in the woods both silent enjoying each others company. They both sat on a log looking at the beauty of nature. The sky was a velvet blue.

"Do you have a boyfriend?"

''Yes, I do."

"I sure wish you didn't have a boyfriend."

"I know but you will find someone who doesn't have to travel in her dreams."

They both sat there for the longest time talking for several hours. She knew they connected in a very special way. They both started walking toward the house but when he looked around she was gone.

Patrick arrived at his house finding the police officer there. The officer's name is Hank Belle. The two began conversing.

''Patrick I found all those slaves there as you suspected. James was not there. We will have to go to the field together with the other police officers. Your friend Skip is dead."

"Oh,my God! How did he die?"

"His head was decapitated. There were about one hundred slaves there. We are going to get all the information we can to locate those that are responsible. I am real sorry for your loss."

"Thanks but I sure hope he doesn't have more slaves somewhere else. I cannot believe James is on the loose. Do you think he knows who ratted on him?"

"It is hard to say. I will have a police officer watching your house. I will be here tomorrow night so we can go to the field together."

The officer left but Patrick was amazed that it would be the exact night is mother suggested. He was really relieved about everything except, he would have to tell the others about Skip's death and then his family. He felt very sad about not being able to be with Jane but hoped he would see her soon.

Jane was in her room writing while David was at work. She was feeling very sad about Demelza and wondered if she would ever see her again. The phone rang and it was Patrick.

"HiJane."

"Hi Patrick."

"I sure wish you were here. They found the slaves, about one hundred. Skip is dead. His head was cut off."

"Oh, Patrick I am really sorry."

''Yea, I wasn't real close to him. We have to inform his family. James was not at the mansion. We have to go to the field tonight to see if he is there."

"Maybe I'll see you tonight," Jane said.

"I don't want you there," Patrick exclaimed.

''Patrick I don't have control over that. If Mary and Jesus want me there then so be it. Don't worry, the police will be there." "It would be nice to see you again. I have a feeling if things get wrapped up that I'll never see you again. I don't know why I was to know you."

''Patrick we will find all that out eventually. It is so good to hear from you. I have a feeling I "will see you tonight." "Yes, I am sure of that," he said.

She hung up the phone and felt very good about his call.

She hoped that all of this danger would soon be over. She was so glad she was awake and not dream traveling. Sometimes gifts from God can seem like a burden.

Jane was there near the field with all the others. There was no black mass there tonight. The field was empty. The police would be stationed there for quite a few days. Patrick and Jane left, sitting on the same log previously on their first walk together.

Mary appeared before both of them. She instructed them to say a rosary together. She disappeared and then his mother appeared also. She told him that they would both be safe and be patient for all their answers, which would come in time. They both said a rosary together and then began conversing.

"I guess we were suppose to go to the field tonight to see these visions," Patrick said. "It was all worth it just to have these visions. I feel like our purpose in life is just beginning."

"I sure hope you are right Patrick because sometimes I am afraid it is almost my time to go. I wish I did not smoke the way I do. I hope I do have a special purpose for God."

"I think you do. I hope all your dreams come true. I have been glad to be a part of your life."

"I have been glad to know you also. It is thrilling about all this but I wish for a vision when I am awake. I feel like dreaming is getting very tricky for me."

"Maybe I'll visit you next time," he said.

"It would be like a dream I had. A ghost making love to me and then leaving. I wouldn't have to go out looking for anyone." "I sure wish I could be with you," he said. Jane vanished right before his eyes. He wondered if he could ever tell this to his dad.

Sh e could not believe her eyes that she actually had visions being wide awake. She was so excited that she decided to call David. She began to tell him everything.

"That is wonderful honey. Maybe I will have visions too. I cannot wait to get home to see you."

"I know I will be glad to see you. I want to tell my friends. I think I will wait for guidance."

"I think you'd better wait on telling anyone," he said. She hung up the phone and felt very excited about her life. She realized that in the kingdom of God, things keep getting better.

Patrick wondered if they would locate James or anyone else involved in this nightmare. He sure hoped he heard something soon. He wondered how many other slave houses there were.

He sat up in bed and Mary appeared before him. She told him that he would receive the gift of healing. She also told him that his loneliness would be over soon. She vanished and then Jesus appeared.

"I have a great purpose for you and Jane. You will see all of the truth soon. Do not fret about your loneliness for it will soon be over. We will be talking a lot. You can ask me anything and I will give you answers."

Jesus left and Patrick was very excited. He would call Jane to tell her everything. He was no longer sad or worried.

Jane was sitting on her bed while David was at work. Mary appeared before her and she was awake. Mary told her that she could become a published writer. Mary vanished and then Jesus appeared. She wanted to know where Demelza was. He told her she would find out soon and then he vanished.

Chapter 6

Jane knew that Padre Pio bi-located but assumed he did some dream traveling too. She could not believe her life was so wonderful. Even though she enjoyed her life sometimes she wished to be in heaven. She wondered if the life in heaven would be any stranger than this world could get sometimes. It would be nice if you could still read in heaven she thought because it would be boring if there was nothing left to learn.

Jane got a phone call from Patrick and they shared their visions with each other. She was glad to hear that they both had a special purpose. She hung up the phone and decided to take a nap because she was tired.

Jane ended up in Knock, Ireland in her dreams. She really enjoyed going to church there. She ate dinner there and explored the country with much enthusiasm. Jane decided to stay the night just to see if she had control over how long her dream travels lasted. Unfortunately her plan did not work this time for she woke up in her own apartment. She knew there must be a way to stay longer. Jane could do it and maybe even bi-locate.

Patrick was told by Hank that he believed James and all his other cohorts fled the country. Patrick would get answers from Jesus and Mary. If he had to dream travel to find out their location he would.

Jane was in her room reading when Mary appeared before her. "I am Demelza, Jane. Blue is one of my favorite colors that is why I had a blue couch and a blue kitchen floor. There will be other mysteries for you to solve. You have a lot to do. You will find a friend like me again," Mary finished.

Mary left her and Jane felt relieved that Demelza was Mary.

She never heard of Mary appearing like that before but figured there was a first time for everything. She would be glad to tell David and Patrick.

Patrick was laying in bed when a man dressed in black came towards him. They wrestled and then tl1e man jabbed Patrick with a needle. The next morning Patrick was nowhere to be found.

David and Jane lay there together just talking. He could not believe Demelza was Mary. He felt jealous of all Jane's adventures.

Jesus appeared before both of them. He began to speak. "The world is so blind to their neighbor's needs. Everyone is too busy to get involved. Time is growing short and the enemy is growing desperate.Jane there is your purpose, which is a mystery to you right now because it is not time for you to know. David you have a choice on how long you remain here. He disappeared not giving Jane or David time to respond. They discussed the vision at length. David said he was tired of all of this and wanted to go to sleep. He fell asleep.

Jane fell asleep and ended up in Dallas, Texas in Missy's apartment. Missy could not believe her eyes when she saw Jane.

Jane spoke and told her about being able to dream travel. She informed Missy of all the details. Missy was in shock but was glad to see Jane.

"I do not understand why you do not call," Jane said.

"I had a nervous breakdown about that man sexually harassing me at work. I just now have been back at work two weeks. Mom did not think I should give you my number because I go to bed early," she finished.

''You could have told me what time to call. I didn't want our friendship to end over something like this. It is not like you to do what your mom says. You should have told me because I am not a mind reader. So is our friendship really over?"

"No I was going to call and give you my new number. I just have not been in a good place. I will give it to you now but could you just call every three months."

''Yes that will be fine."

They both talked several hours about their lives. Jane thought dream traveling would certainly be a lot cheaper. Missy chuckled when she realized Jane could just pop in.

Missy ordered a pizza and they enjoyed eating it. They both decided to go see a movie. This was great Jane thought having her best friend back.

Jane and Missy talked a long time after the movie. It was just like old times. Jane left and Missy fell asleep. Jane woke up feeling well rested. She thought while she is out dream traveling she is still home getting sleep. This was a great gift and she was going to enjoy it.

Jane went to church and a woman about her age started talking to Jane. Her name was Rebecca Smith. Rebecca was new in the area. She had a boy and girl. Rebecca had been married ten years. They exchanged phone numbers and agreed to be in touch with each other.

Jane went to the doctor to have her yearly physical. The doctor informed her that she was pregnant. Jane wanted him to do a sonogram. The sonogram indicated that the baby was right where it was suppose to be. Jane was three weeks pregnant.

Jane could not believe that she was finally pregnant. David would be so excited. She could not wait to tell him. They would probably get married right away.

Jane knew he was out doing errands so she would make Lasagna, garlic bread, green beans and mashed potatoes. She would tell him the news after their candle lit supper. This would be the best news David could ever receive.

They ate dinner and then David and Jane were drinking coffee. Jane told David she was pregnant. He could not believe the news but was very excited.

'We need to get married, David," she said.

''Yes, lets make those arrangements right away."

Jane wondered if they would have to get married outside of the Catholic church. She did not want to go through the counseling. She was getting angry thinking that the Catholic church might take so long marrying them that the baby would probably have arrived by then.

Jane fell asleep and ended up near this house in Georgia.

She wondered why she was here and not in Africa. She went into the house and noticed men standing guard inside the house. She snuck by them and went upstairs looking in the different rooms. She went in one room and found Patrick tied up. She untied him and they quietly exited tl1e house. They ran towards the woods and kept running till they had gone a good distance.

'What in the world are you doing here in Georgia."

"How do you know it is Georgia." "My dream told me this."

"I am so glad you are here. We have got to get a ride out of here. James came in my room in Africa and jabbed me with a needle. The next thing I know, I'm tied up in a room."

"What do tl1ey want from you?"

"He wants to kill me for ratting on him."

They both found a path that led to a road and they hitchhiked to the nearest police station. The police took them botl1 to the house where Patrick was tied up. There was no one at the house.

Patrick decided he would go back home to Dallas, Texas for now. Jane left and he took the plane back to Dallas. He knew he was not out of danger yet and wondered if he would ever be.

He was so glad to see his dad. He told his dad about everything. He called Africa to let everyone know he was fine. He told them to tell the police there about everything. He would call Jane to see how she was.

Patrick called Jane the next morning. Jane told him about Demelza. She also told him about her pregnancy. He was happy but disappointed at tl1e same time.

"I have someone I would like you to meet there in Dallas. Her name is Missy Bates and she would be perfect for you. I will dream travel tonight to tell her,"she finished.

Jane hung up the phone suddenly feeling very depressed and imprisoned. She really was tom between David and Patrick. She knew that Patrick would really love Missy. Everyone loved Missy. Jane knew that David was her choice so she needed to help Patrick an d Missy get together.

Jane fell asleep and ended up in Missy's apartment. Missy was reading and looked up to find Jane standing there. ''You could knock," chuckled Missy.

''Yes I should have. I want you to meet Patrick, the one I told you about in my dream travels. He lives h ere in Dallas also."

"I would love to meet him."

"I will get him to call you. I just wanted to make sure you were interested. I think you both would make a fabulous couple."

They talked several hours. Jane told her about being pregnant. Missy was very happy for her. Jane left and Missy felt very excited about meeting Patrick.

Jane woke up and went out to make coffee. She called Patrick

and gave him Missy's number. She was smoking when David joined her. ''You should quit smoking," he said.

"I should but I am not going to," she said.

He knew that was the end of that topic. He loved Jane now more than ever. She loved him but wondered if she could do better than David. She knew this was something she could not afford to entertain.

Chapter 7

The night had fallen on Jane like a peaceful, melancholy and frightful state. She did not know whether at times dream traveling was frightening or something to embrace. It was like prayer, very comforting, but the mystery of life could be doom and gloom. Jane would welcome dream traveling but like life sometimes resist it's force.

She fell asleep not wishing to think of anyone nor anything. She traveled to Dallas, Texas landing onto the mansion of Patrick O'Conner. He was handsome as ever riding his horse in the gleaming sun. He was very pleased when he saw her standing there such an image of beau ty, humility, peace, grace and as usual in deep pensive thought. Her smile was devilish, worldly, intelligent and exposing ignorance as a way of fitting in.

She was not prone to extreme excitement nor extreme depression but her insides were a different story at times. Her smile was like a fixture one would expect ever ready for any words that might thoughtlessly pass from any person's lips. She knew the dark side of nature so well. Goodness she wore like a gown, decked in jewel s ready to spread her charms across the land.

It did not matter to her the woes of life for lessons of learning could be obtained anywhere. She looked forward to life to obtain lessons from people, books, writing, praying and music. Life did not usually get boring for her unless she became too isolated from people. Isolation can be such a gift but too much could alarm her system into despair.

Uneducated she was not, no far from it. She always had heard of different topics that most people did not have knowledge of and if they did it was so limited. People tended to ask stupid questions, usually the snobs, who, think of themselves as better than most. Jane was a genius but few knew. She never paraded her looks nor brains but those who were exposed to her on a regular basis knew of her many gifts.

Jane could excite her friends with her wisdom and her talent of selecting the right words to convey her meanings. She had musical talents of singing and playing guitar which were now long buried. Her spiritual experiences were real gifts from God that not many were privy to. Anyone could talk to her about their problem s feeling they were safe, understood and certainly not judged.

She had explored her personal growth more than most. Jane was a real leader but many times did not exercise this role though not lacking confidence nor skill. She remained humble, ignorant to some, but only those who were so full of themselves, jealous or blind to the spiritual filled world.

Spirits were all around and she knew it. It was felt by her, especially in deep prayer. Most do not seek their spirits because of lack of love for themselves, God and others. It is as natural as breathing to Jane who, always expects to receive protection , guidance and many a purpose in life including the main lesson of becoming more spiritual.

It is against her beliefs to delve in astrology, new age beliefs and anything that contradicts the bible. She knows many seek false teachers because they do not seek the truth. Truth is usually hidden from the naked eye but to the spiritual eye it sees everything a little bit at a time.

Jane has no position in life so people give no notice of her nor consider her very important. They consider her odd but her friends had great respect for her. She knows tl1at God does notice her and appreciates her. Jesus had no fame or fortune but is the most thought of as the greatest legend.

Her humor is one of her greatest gifts. She can laugh at her self and others like no one else can. She appreciates the human folly. Her mind deeply contemplative at many times, even during her sleep. Her thought is funny and light to release her occasionally of the deepness of life. Her calmness of decision rare and during chaos is a leader, calm, decisive, and comforting to many.

People admire her beauty as well as her intelligence and humility. She is loyal beyond all reason. Her wisdom is God's crown he freely gives to her because she freely asks for it. There is nothing she will not ask God if it pertains to his will for her.

She knows that questions and answers can change every year.

Moments can change a thought forever. She loves people and they sense it with all their hearts. Mercy she has shown to the vilest of men. Love is her main objective and will suffer many trials in order to complete this purpose.

Love shows no partiality in her mind and she expects miracles every day. Every day she is alive witl1 new hopes and dreams. It excites her to touch another life in such a way that they will cry out to God when at no other time would they consider it.

Closeness excites her like nothing else if this could mean showing her new found friend the glory of God. Miracles are her focus and she is never disappointed when she touches a new life. It is a real gift from God she feels, when, God gives her a new opportunity to excite someone about God.

She recalled a time driving in the rain at night when she was listening to a Christian radio station. They were praying together in different languages and she was praying with them. God reminded her of all her prayers she prayed for others and intentions because these same Christians were praying the same things. God was thanking her for her prayers and telling her that they did make a difference. It was one of the most rewarding experiences she ever had. She felt God so close to her and felt so safe.

She has had a number of such experiences in her life, which are a love journal she keeps forever in her mind. Many do not know of this great love of God. She hopes to somehow touch many people to let them know of his many gifts.

Patrick is very similar to Jane in many ways but tends to be dwelling more on the realistic logical side of life. He does not find fault with dreamers like so many logical people do but does not understand them . This dream travel to him is the closest he has come to being a dreamer. He does not expose the stupidity of others although he finds most people to be very stupid.

He wishes many times to be left alone. He is a loner and he likes it that way. He does not have great trust for people because he finds most of them to be fickle in thou ght, emotion and deed. He does not dislike people but finds most of tl1em are like a flea he soon hopes to get rid of.

He finds most peopl e believe everyone is average in intelligence like themselves. He does love to put people in their place with his genius level of intelligence. He grows tired of their gossip, lies and manipulative games. He likes to expose them making himself look ten times bigger than most people. He does not participate in their barbarous ways of deceit and he is disgusted with what joy they play their games.

He needs no one so he thinks, except God and a woman. He is very self -sufficient but misguided in ways. He does not treasure people maybe the way he should. He has seen goodness and knows it exists. He believes that evil nature of man is not surprising it is the goodness that is.

He cannot believe that people are surprised at evil but never at good. In this human world it is goodness that is a surprise. This is not heaven and so any goodness shown is what is surprising. He knows people just as well as anyone. There is a part of himself that he however, never knew until Jane appeared to him.

"I-its Jane, how are you?"

"I will be sorry to lose you to another woman but I hope it will be possible for us to be friends."

"I know we will always be special friends," he said.

"I do hope I can handle it," Jane added.

''We will be friends. I do like your friend :Missy. She is very special. I think we will get along fine."

'"What is your middle name?"

"My middle name is :Michael."

"I will try to remember that name if my child is a boy."

"I will be very honored of the idea even if you do not choose to use my middle name."

''Jane you realize that we could have been together very happily if circumstances had been in my favor.I have never known anyone like you and never will again. Missy will probably make me happy but I will always be left with wondering if I would been happier with you."

''We cannot afford to give this memory much thought. We were only meant to be together for a time. Friends is all we will ever be." This idea puzzled her and provoked fear. Would she someday just disappear never to be found? Sleep would not come. She would have to wait till tonight to find Patrick. A part of her did not want to go asleep ever again.

Then while they were talking two men came up to both of them and fought them severely. Needles were injected in both Jane and Patrick. They both were taken away in a black car.

Jane awoke up in bed feeling very scared. She noticed David sleeping next to her and felt comfort. Was she also in Texas in danger with Patrick? Would it come to the point where her body would no longer remain.

Chapter 8

Patrick and David were very similar in Jane's eye. It was amazing to her how alike they were. Jane knew that eventually Patrick would probably not be romantic either nor wish to care about her sexual needs. She loved David more than anyone and sex had not the importance it did when she was in her twenties.

David was generous, patient in many ways and supported her financially. He cared about her feelings more than any man she had ever known. He got upset when she was upset. They had a wonderful life to look forward to together. He loved her more than anyone and treated her very well. She would not take another chance on any other man. Jane would never hurt David nor trade him for someone who would probably be worse.

Missy and Jane were also very similar. Missy had gentleness beyond that of Jane but when Jane was with her it was easy to show. Missy had been more sheltered than Jane and was much more naive. Jane had once been untouched by life the way Missy was.

Missy was very bright, attractive, but did lack confronta tional skills.Jane however, thought Missy very kind when she did confront. Missy seemed to bring out the gentleness in others. Missy however, was entirely too hard on herself even more so than herself and another friend who had problems with manic depression.

Missy came from a small family which seemed to be tightly knit. Jane envied her friend of this closeness. Missy enjoyed isolation as a way of life but voiced her unhappin ess of being lonely several tunes.

Missy had a great deal of patience. Jane knew very well the ones 'who thought themselves saints were not very involved with other people. Missy was very understanding of others. Missy certainly did not see herself as a saint. Everyone is saintly in their own way.

Missy and Jane had always been like sisters. They have about the same amount of sobriety, are the same age and botl1 very involved in going to church. Jane was no longer single and she would be expecting a child.

Rebecca Smith had not called Jane and she did not expect to hear from her. Jane would not push herself on her. Jane knew there would never be another Demelza. How could there be anyone to replace Mary.

Jane knew that Patrick was not the one for her. She would name her son after David. If she had a daughter her name would be somehow connected to Mary. Allen was David's middle name.

Jane felt guilty for even thinking of Patrick when she had a fine man at home. She would give up all thouthts of Patrick and only consider him a friend. She did not look forward to seeing him again. She really did not want to see Missy earlier. Missy had ended their friendship and they were only united due to her effort. She hoped they would both marry and leave her alone.

She was angry at Missy and felt she was very lucky to have Patrick. Missy did not deserve her kindness but Jane would not be sorry for their happiness. The match was going well and Jane would probably be rid of them soon.

Jane fell asleep and woke up in a dark room tied up with Patrick. The room had a dim light and they were both very scared. Jane asked him if she had always been here with him . She mad e him aware of waking up in her own bed. He informed her that no, she had not been here.

He pleaded with her to try to sleep so she could leave this God forsaken place. Jane tried to sleep but to no avail. Two men proceeded in tl1e room and stood facing their victims. The two men laughed and looked forward to inflicting suffering upon them.

Jane and Patrick were beaten with a whip until they both ceased to stand. They both had pa ssed out from pain and exhaustion. Ina short time they were awakened by dirty water thrown on them.

The two men informed them that further torture would be their due when they had recovered from their first lashes. They were also informed tl1at eventually deatl1 would befall them when they were bored with them for entertainment. Jane had no recollection of returning to David. The men informed them that two days had passed and now it was time for more fun.

The men ordered that Jane and Patrick were to have sex in front of them . This horrified them but they complied trying to not focus on the men. Patrick and Jane began their love making.

Patrick and Jane were going to enjoy this for it may be their last time for pleasure. Patrick and Jane were careful not to touch their wounded backs. Patrick touched her breasts and rump with great hunger.

He sucked her nipples with great passion. They kissed passionately and he continued to touch her body. She touched him with the same pleasure. He was inside of her and both of them felt great pleasure. She had one orgasm after another and he moaned as if he had no other. Shein turn moaned so loudly that the men watching were m awe.

Patrick remained inside her for a good hour. Finally they climaxed together and lay there very satisfied. The guards proceeded to also have sex with Jane. Jane enjoyed sex with them also. She was in orgasmic heaven like never before. The one man passionately kissed her and fondled every part of her body. She did not notice the pain in her back.

He groped her breasts roughly and she moaned with every touch. The second man was begging him to finish but he would not budge. The first man continued to suck her breasts hungrily and groped them in his hands. He kissed her butt all over. He gave her oral pleasure eagerly. He got inside her and roughly rocked her over and over.

He was also in her for a good hour. He moaned like she never heard before. She was moaning as if the pleasure was too much. He finally climaxed and she was hungry for more.

The second was more greedy than all men put together. He kissed her hard and long. He felt every inch of her body and sucked her breasts as if he had never eaten.

He had never been so horny for anyone. He was inside her for an hour also. He moaned loudly and kissed her hard and long. She was more turned on then ever. Patrick was wanting her again and so he proceeded roughly also. He lasted another hour more enjoying her a second time.

The first man was ready for her again and he proceeded.

The second man was sucking her breasts while the first was kissing her passionately. The second man gave her oral sex while the first continued kissing her. The first man pushed the second man out of the way so he could climb on top of her.

He got on top of her eagerly and moaning loudly. She had never known sin to be so pleasing. She was very excited and hoped this would never end.

He continued to mount her and kissing long and hard. The lovemaking was finished leaving all exhausted except Jane who was eager for more. She woke up next to David. David was eager to make love to her.

He grabbed her breast s hungrily like never before. He touched every part of her. He kissed her hard and long. He mounted her for a good hour longer than he had ever done. Jane was finally exhausted . She fell asleep and woke up near Patrick.

Patrick was glad to see her. She told him that she also made love to David. She was ashamed of being so addicted to sex all of a sudden. He grabbed her and started kissing her passionately.

He sucked and grabbed her breasts. He kissed her butt and gave her oral sex. He was inside her a good h our. They moaned and then lay there talking.

She did not understand what was happening to her. Why did she enjoy all these men? She was afraid of becoming very immoral. He told her it was because she was in a dream state. He told her to enjoy it while it lasted. He told her not too many people get such an opportunity.

Were all her defenses gone during dream travel? Did most people enjoy sex like this in their dreams? She felt very ashamed but also was very happy. Why was sin so much fun?

She woke up next to David and was grateful to be back to earth. She got up to make coffee and tried not to wake up David. She could not believe that all of this happened to her. She had never enjoyed such a night. She was ashamed and would be glad to just be with David. She could not tell him any of this. Oh, how could it be wrong in her dreams?

David told her he enjoyed their life together. They talked for several hours about their plans to travel.Jane was looking forward to a nice long trip. She just wanted to escape dream traveling for good.

If she never did any traveling except by plane she would be the happier. They were going out to a movie and she was glad to escape her bed of travels. She prayed to the Lord asking him to spare her from further dream traveling.

Chapter 9

Demelza appeared before Patrick and Jane. She released them out of their prison and returned Patrick to his home. Jane returned to her home. The big ordeal would finally be over.

Rebecca and Jane did become close friends. They did everything together. They both were very understanding of each other and supportive.

Patrick and Missy were married. Jane never heard from them again. She was sad but relieved at the same time.

Jane and David got married. Jane had a baby boy and she named him Martin Allen Shane. She felt Martin was as close as she could get to Mary.

Jane never had anymore dream traveling experiences nor visions. She did get her three poetry books published and her novel.

She spent her time taking care of her son and writing.

David took his family every year to a new place to visit. He and Jane enjoyed traveling. Martin was a very well behaved baby.

Patrick never had any more problems with James Port. The

news informed him that he was discovered murdered. Patrick never had any more visions nor any experiences with dream traveling. He did become known as a famous healer and missionary.

Missy became pregnant and had a daughter. She named her Maria Anne O'Conner. She was very happy but sad that her friendship with Jane had to end. She had been jealous of Jane finding David but now she was bitter knowing she had sex with Patrick.

Jane never told David about anything. She excused herself under the circumstances of it happening to her during dream traveling.

She lived very happy and content.

Jane raised Martin to appreciate God. She warned him of the danger s of alcohol and drugs. She encouraged him to be very independent and to learn how to entertain himself. She encouraged him to read and he loved to learn.

Jane's Manic Depressive friend committed suicide. She took an overdose of her medication . They did not find her body for three weeks.

David became part owner of a restaurant and so was able to spend more time at home. David and Jane have a nice retirement eventually when he is grown.

Martin at ten years old had a huge birthday party. There were about forty children that attended. Jane and David were glad to see it end three hours later.

Jane and David have a nice big house out in the country. They have an Irish Setter who they named Suzy. Jane is so proud of the way they have the house decorated.

The living room has green plush carpet with a velvet couch consisting of floral arrangements. The living room has nice oak furniture and a huge TV screen. There are also chairs, a coffee table and end tables. The door leads out to the back yard.

The kitchen has a shiny blue tile floor and everything is decorated in blue and white in an eighteen hundred style. The basement is decorated in red and has a fireplace. The living room also has a fireplace. There are two bathrooms one upstairs and downstairs. There are three bedroom s upstairs including a guest room. Jane's bedroom is done in purple. The guest room is done in green. Martin's room is done in blue.

"Mama, where is my teddy bear?" "Check outside."

Martin found his teddy bear outside. Jane watched him as he played with the dog. She loved her son and found him so adorable.

Jane started having Christmas at her house for all her family. Her mom and all her brothers and sisters loved spending their time there for Christmas. Jane always provided much food and great variety. Desserts were her favorite to make.

Jane never dreamed her life could be so wonderful. She had been through so many trials but now she was enjoying paradise. She was slim and trim now. David and her had quit smoking now for as long as Martin has been born.

Martin is a very good student in fact, he far surpasses the intelligence of her brother and dad. David and Jane had him placed in an advanced school which is Catholic. The school is called St. John's Chosen Few. His teachers consider him a genius and he is also a very gifted piano player.

Martin is learning French, German, Latin and Spanish. He is very healthy and happy. He loves his family and they are all very close.

Part Two Chapter 1

Martin prays a lot. He studies and plays hard. His wisdom is amazing at such an early age. He is well liked at school.

Jane ponders all these things in her heart. She cannot believe how fast time has flown. She and David are closer than ever. He has become a wonderful father. His patience has improved greatly.

Jane was so glad that Martin would probably be a very successful man. She hopes he will stay away from drugs. She is glad he will probably not have a lot of problems like she did.

She is sleeping peaceful, finally glad she has a decent career. She is really glad that she does not dream travel anymore. She hopes her son will never have this gift.

Jane looks out the window reflecting on memories of the past. Time has flown so quickly that she can hardly believe she is still alive amidst the loneliness of her life. She longs for when she will be reunited with her husband.

Jane is eighty-five now and her husband has been dead for ten long years. She did not want this day to come when she would be alone again but somehow she knew it would be her to live on without him. She had no dreams left to see and longed to be in heaven. She lived with her two dogs in the same house who were like her children.

Her son Martin was now forty-five years old. His wife's name is Betty Anne and her maiden name was Simms. They have a daughter who is twenty-five years old and her name is Megan Anne Shane. Jane and Megan are very close and Jane loves her visits.

Jane does appreciate all God has given her. She stays very productive and takes care of her health. Jane feels very sad for all her losses. Her friends are all dead and the only family she has left is her sister Karen and a few nieces and nephew's which are grand that is. Karen spends a lot of time together with Jane since both their husbands are gone.

It has been very sad to out live many people she has loved. She thinks of Missy but has never tried to contact her. She spends a lot of time in church, which is her greatest comfort. She would not feel sad since Megan would be coming over for dinner and she would have to prepare the meal.

Martin is a very successful Catholic priest and the church has now for many years allowed priests to be married. His wife helps him to run the parish. He has now been at Our Lady Star of the Sea for many years very near to his mother. The values his mother instilled were his greatest influence on his career choice.

Megan is a Carmelite nun. The church now allows nuns to be married. It is a nun's choice whether she wants to live at the convent or to live somewhere else. Megan chooses to live at the convent but she is free to visit her family or to travel. Megan is so happy with her vocation but eventually wants to be married.

Karen did computer work when she was younger but of course has long since retired. She does volunteer work for a hotline. Her and Jane work in the soup kitchens to help the poor. Jane is still writing and has had many books published.

Jane served Lasagna, mashed potatoes, green beans and garlic bread for dinner. Megan and Jane had lots to talk about as usual. Megan loves music and writing like her grandmother. She hopes to get some of her writings published.

It seemed tonight would be a strange night for Jane. The conversation went toward s a direction she did not expect. She would be both frightened and happy for Megan . The conversation proceeded as follows.

"Grandma I have something that I want to discuss with you . I have not told anyone of this experience. I hope you will be able to shed some light on this and believe in what I am about to tell you."

Jane looked at her puzzled and assured Megan that whatever she said would be respected. Jane was feeling very shah.-y about what Megan was to tell her. She insisted that Megan speedily tell her the information.

"Inmy dreams I ended up in Dallas,Texas visiting a woman named Maria. She is an artist and wanted to know what I did for a living. The dream seemed so real but I did not tell her how I got there because I was afraid she would think me crazy. I feel like there is a purpose for me being there but I do not know the reason. Do you think the dream is real?"

Jane was in shock and did not know what to say. She was upset that her granddaughter had the gift of dream traveling as she once did. She would have to tell her of her experiences except for the sex part.

"I believe you have the gift of dream traveling. I once had that gift but asked God to take it away from me. I also had visions which I no longer have either."

She continued to tell Megan of everything that progressed between her and Patrick. Megan did ask her if they had sex and she told Megan they did. Megan and her wondered if this visit had something to do with Patrick or Missy. Maria could possibly be their child. Jane informed Megan that she hoped there would be no danger like she experienced.

Megan informed her that this was her very first experience. Megan could not believe this dream was true. She really did not consider that being in Texas was real but now she was not sure.

Megan went back to the convent and Jane was left with her thoughts. She was connected with Megan now like never before. It was a great shock to hear this information and she pleaded with the Lord lifting up her lamentations hoping for his mercy.

Megan did not want to believe or think about what her grandmother told her. Could she be in danger? Is her purpose in dreamt traveling connected to her grandmother? Would her child also receive this gift? Would she have visions? She hoped for visions just like any religious zealot. Is it just the women in the family who receive this gift?

These questions plagued Megan making it difficult for her to pray and fall asleep. She tossed and turned afraid to go asleep. She finally fell asleep and awakened with no remembrance of her dreams.

Karen and Jane were to go to an Art show in D. C. Karen drove them to this event, which was during the day. Jane never told Karen about her dream traveling and so would not tell her now.

The art was done by many dead artists and the newer artists who were becoming very famous. There were many portraits but mostly artistic scenery. Classical music was playing while many people observed the art with a fascination and a feeling of being in a different time.

Jane was responsible for getting Karen interested in things of culture. Karen was grateful for keeping an open mind.Jane never tired of being in the company of great talent.

Jane had almost forgotten about Megan when suddenly she saw a picture that haunted her. Karen commented that she looked like she saw a ghost. It was a picture of Patrick painted by Maria Anne O'Conner. Copies were sold and she bought one. She frantically looked around for more pictures of her familiar past but she did not see any.

Jane asked the director for more information about this artist. She was informed that this artist would have her work 'displayed here in another week. Jane would take Megan with her to this art show. She made light of the situation hoping Karen would not continue to be suspicious.

Karen and Jane ate an early dinner at a Mexican restaurant that looked out on the water. Jane tried not to show her anxiousness for this night to be over. It was a very peaceful environment but she was not at peace. It was so good to see Patrick again even though it was only a picture.

Karen talked about how she loved going to different events with her sister. It was a pleasing day for both of them. Jane would be glad to study this painting when she got home.

Jane studied every detail of the painting. He was wearing the blue rosary around his neck that Demelza gave him that night at the movies. This meant a lot to her for he must think of her sometimes if he were still alive. This painting however, was of him at his youth.

She took her green rosary out of the drawer that he gave her many years ago when she was dream traveling. It was amazing how much she still cared about him and valued this portrait before her. She wondered if she would ever see him again. She was afraid to explore this possibility and wanted to bury the memory of having sex with him.

Megan was busy about doing her gardening. She felt a strong desire to call her grandmother but she had too much work to do. She would call her in a few days. Megan would soon hear from her grandmother and begin a journey of the past and present weaving into a puzzle only to complete an ultimate answer.

Chapter 2

Jane called Megan to invite her to the art show and informed Megan of all the details. Megan was excited about any mystery they might uncover. Megan felt hopeful for her future and excited about the art show.

The night before the art show Megan was over at her grandmother's house looking at the painting. Megan thought Patrick was very handsome and in awe looking at the rosary around his neck. She knew her grandmother did not tell her everything about the events that conspired, because Jane seemed to her to have a painful guilt, that went deeper unwarranted by the events told to her.

Megan sensed that the ti.me with her grandmother would be short. She wanted to spend as much time with her as she possibly could. It would be a sad day for her when grandma would no longer be around.

Jane and Megan were now at the art show nervous and excited to see all of Maria's art. There was a painting there of Jane and Patrick together. Jane and Megan were both shocked .Jane did not understand how Maria could have gotten a picture of her. There was also a painting of Megan as a child and as a young teenager. A painting was also presented of an old house something one would see in the' eighteen hundreds.

Maria did not notice either, Jane nor Megan because she was busy talking to other people. There were about three hundred people that attended. Jane and Megan would try to find an opportunity to talk to Maria alone.

Jane also noticed a painting of Missy, Maria and Patrick. She needed to know if Missy and Patrick were still alive. There were so many answers that Megan and Jane desired to obtain.

Maria did finally notice both of them and she was in shock. People looked around noticing the resemblance of the artist's portraits, comparing Jane and Megan to them. Megan could have passed for the little girl's mother.

Maria went up to Jane and Megan when the art show was over. She motioned them to come with her into an office that she used when she was tl1ere. Jane was about to explore the past, which would change some of her previous beliefs and notions.

Maria looked at both of them as if she were looking at ghosts. Maria had no idea of Jane and Megan existing. Her grandparents had obviously kept a great deal from her which made her feel odd for she always though t she knew everything about them. They all introduced themselves to each other and Maria was in shock.

Maria would not answer any of their questions, until they told her everything she wanted to know. Jane began painfully to tell her everything except about her orgies. This was a detail that Jane felt no one needed to know.

Maria informed Jane that Missy and Patrick were both dead. They had both been dead ten years. Patrick and Missy had a daughter named Maria but she died giving birth to her daughter Maria. Maria' at age fifteen was adopted by a Frenchman who lived alone. He had provided her with everything she needed and she was quite wealthy after his death.

Maria said she had a lot to tell them which was painful for her. She seemed to be trying to figure out how she would begin. It also seemed to Jane that Maria was suddenly aware that all her puzzles were solved.

Maria began to speak. "I was doing some research on my family history and I did extensive work. I came across this article in the newspaper with a picture of my descendents. The couple and child lived in the eighteen hundred s. The exact date that they all died was in 1820."

"I did not come across this story until my grandparents had been dead about five years. If I had known about this story before they died I might have been able to save them. Maybe all this was meant to be."

"The couple lived in that house like in my painting. They had a little girl just like in my painting also. The couple were named Mr. and Mrs. O'Conner just like my past name. I did not change my name even though I was adopted."

"The father's first name was Patrick and the mother's name was Jane. The little girl was named Megan. I did not understand everything until I knew both of your names.

"The little girl seemed to have a gift of dream traveling which neither parent possessed. She was only five when she began first to talk about her dreams. The parents considered her very imaginative and did not take her dreams seriously."

"She was not allowed to talk about her dream travels anymore to her parents but apparently she did talk about them to a friend named Missy. Their little girl, Megan, was supposedly involved in devil worshipping not aware that it was wrong. Her parents never instructed her about God because they felt constrained by church rules and did not really believe in God."

''Missy was not interested in being involved and so she stayed away from Megan . Missy looked just like my grandmother. Megan was very angry at her and threatened to get even.

"Megan grew more hateful as she got older. Her father Patrick molested her until she was age fifteen. He started molesting her around age six. She informed Missy that if she could kill her father twice she would. Missy was very scared because she did not like to hear her talk like that. Megan told Missy that she would die in a future generation."

"The dreadful night came and the parents were ignorant of their fate. Megan was fifteen when she took a gun and shot both of her parents in the head. Then she took the gun and shot herself in the head."

Maria showed Jane and Megan the article. It was a long article with many pictures. Jane was feeling very grateful to be alive. Maria continued to tell them the rest of the story.

"It was believed that their house was haunted. Many people who tried to live there heard a little girl's laughter and anotl1er laugh, which sounded like a devil. It was believed that she would come back to fulfill her promises of future deaths."

"My grandparents were shot in the same way when I was at a friend's house at age fifteen, the same age she killed her parents. The same gun showed up, that she used to kill her parents. The house is still standing but has been reconstruct ed. It is the same house that we were living in. I no longer go to that house because it scares me. The story is that the house will burn down when Megan is at peace. I have no family left and- my mother never did marry. She never did tell anyone who my father was.

"I would sometimes hear her laughter but my grandparents never heard anything. I heard the laugh of some devil. I just assumed that I was dreaming. I wish I had known the history of that house." "I would like to believe there will be no more killings but as long as that house stands I can't be sure. Megan I believe you will be safe since you are an image of her. Jane it is fortunate that you never did marry my grandfather for your life might have been taken."

Jane could not help but feel scared for all of them. She hoped since her and Megan were believer s that they would be okay. Maria had no real beliefs but was certainly not interested in devil worshipping. Patrick and Missy had been believer s but now they were gone.

The three women agreed to stay in contact with each other. Jane was scared but yet her and Megan were curious to see the house. This was a crazy idea and it could not be considered.

"Grandma this story sure is scary. I cannot believe we are at your home looking at a painting of a man who has been killed twice. I do hope we are not in any danger."

"I hope you are not in any danger. I have lived all my dreams but you are still so young. If something has to happen to one of us then I hope it is to me."

The night ended and Jane prayed very hard for her family when she was alone. She felt very sad for Missy and Patrick. She prayed for that little girl hoping she could be at peace.

Chapter 3

Jane had long since confessed her sins to the priest and the times she tried not to have sex with her husband before marriage. Jane was disappointed in herself but still felt very close to Christ. She had lived out her life to the best of her ability. Hindsight could not change her failures.

It was another beautiful day to Jane but also sad being away from her husband. She could not believe she was an old woman because she still felt like forty. Her precious Megan would live out her dreams without, the sense of spiritual failure or failure in being responsible.

Megan fell asleep and traveled in her dreams to the dreadful house where the horror started. The little girl appeared before her at age seven not at age fifteen when she brutally murdered her parents and then destroyed herself. Megan was very frightened because she "witnessed the whole murder scene as if it were happening now.

The little girl cried out to Megan to give her peace. Megan remained frozen in her steps and just as the little girl came towards her, Megan woke up in her bed. Megan felt very shaken and relieved to be alive. The parents were awake when they were murdered.

She called her grandmother and told her everything. It was agreed that Megan and Jane would tell her parents everything. Jane would have Megan and her parents over for dinner.

Dinner took place and all the details were described to Martin and Betty Anne. Martin and his wife were furious for being kept in the dark so long. Betty Anne became frantic for her daughter's safety. It took a long hour for everyone to calm her down.

"My daughter should have never become a nun, now she will pay a heavy price, but I will suffer the greatest penalty. I blame you mom for being the biggest influence in her life. How could you put my baby in danger!"

''Betty Anne you cannot blame my mother. I am sure she did not pray for Megan to have this gift. God is in control of this and we can do nothing."

"Do you think that I dare want anything to happen to my granddaughter. I would rather die right now then for her to die. I pray that she never dream travel again. Oh, if I could but die in her place I would gladly do it!"

"Stop it all of you! Blame won't change what is to happen. I need my family to be at peace because that is the support I need. I chose to be a nun because I love it. I God will be with me and this tormented little girl. I never expected God to give me light crosses to bear!"

"I want to go home. I am sorry mom, for saying the things I did. Baby please come home with me and your father."

''Mom go home and get some sleep. I am going to stay here a little longer. Please try not to worry but you cannot protect me anymore as if I am five years old. Dad please pray for me," Megan pleaded.

"I will baby and please come to visit soon." They all said their goodbyes with many tears. Jane and Megan remained alone holding each other weeping bitterly.

"Oh, Megan please pray for this gift to be taken away from you. My heart could not bear it if something were to happen to you. Please stay with me so I can keep watch over you until this danger passes," Jane finished weeping bitterly.

''Yes grandma I would like to stay with you for awhile. I will let motl1er superior know about taking a temporary leave of absence. I would feel safer if I could be with you just in case it may be the last time," she said as tears rolled down her cheeks.

"I won't hear of anything happening to you. I won't let God take you away from all of us who love you with all our hearts. The world would suffer a great loss without your spiritual influence."

They held each other for a long time. Megan left for the convent to get her belongings. Jane was left alone to pray, cry and hope for the best.

Jane asked God to give her tl1e gift of dream traveling to save Megan and to not allow Megan to dream travel anymore. She begged God to take her life if a life must be lost. She begged God to not let anything happen to Megan. Jane laid on the living room floor staring into space as if she were not in this world anymore. There was a longing for pain of her death and yet there was no pain, just numbness due to extreme stress.

Megan returned finding her grandmother in the same state just laying down on the floor oblivious to her surroundings. Megan took her grandmother into her arms trying to awaken her frozen state. Jane finally did become alert again and her renewed strength surprised Megan. Megan became vulnerable to her grandmother, who watched over her like a hawk.

They tried to laugh, joke and play cards to forget the intensity of emotions. They both fell asleep in the same bed together. The night is here finally as a gentle friend, a reminder of peace.

The dread of the night is finally here like a ghost who looks for prey. Will the night be ghastly or will it provide rest? Pain is asleep amongst the night with spirits' who hunger for the same rest.

Jane and Megan awoke in surprise and relief because Megan had not done any traveling in her dreams. Megan called her parents to let them know she would be staying with grandma and that she was alive. Jane fixed a huge breakfast for both of them. They would invite Maria to come over or dinner.

Maria came over and all three were j oyful to be reunited. They talked of many things and laughed and joked during and after dinner. The subject of dream traveling and this haunted house were discussed again.

Maria was informed of Megan's experience of dream traveling. Megan told her that the little girl's parents were awake when they were killed. Maria listened and was scared for Megan.

"We have to all go back to that house together." Maria said.

"If we don't go back we may not be able to save Megan. The house may hold clues to save us all."

"That is crazy. If we go back we may all die. It is best to hope Megan never dream travels again," Jane exclaimed.

"I won't allow anyone to put themselves in danger for me. I don't understand how going back to the house will help. I won't put you or my grandmother in danger," Megan said.

''We may all be in danger anyway. Megan may want all of her ancestors destroyed. If we band together we will be stronger," Maria said.

"Maybe Maria is right. If we don't do anything we may ju st be sitting ducks waiting to be roasted. We should do more research first before we go to that house," Jane finished.

"I don't like the idea. We better think this out very carefully before we do any such crazy thing. I still don't like it but maybe Maria is right," Megan finished.

"Lets all go to the library and see what we can find out about dream traveling and anymore information about this haunted house. I don't know if doing research will help but it is worth a try. We have to get access to the internet," Maria said.

"Grandma do not tell my parents anything. If they knew what we were planning to do they would try to stop us. I am more scared than ever now. \We may be putting ourselves in immediate danger," Megan said.

"I still do not like this because if anything happens your parents will blame me. I feel responsible for your safety. We need to talk to an expert on ghosts," Jane said.

''We will explore every avenue available to' us. We will not act hastily but we may be short on time. Megan is in danger every time she goes asleep," Maria said.

They all agreed to meet at the library the next morning. It would probably be difficult to find information. Getting an expert on the paranormal could be too costly. They would try their best to save Megan and anyone else who might be in danger. The night would hopefully pass peacefully again.

Jane put a rosary around Megan's neck and around her neck. She also did the same with two scapulars. They both fell asleep and the night was again present.

They all three went to the library the next morning. They could not find anything useful to help them. They contacted a parapsychologist, who had previous experience with ghosts. It was agreed that Dr. Brent would meet with them in three days to discuss what they would do.

Jane, Megan and Maria decided they would go to the haunted house with this expert in the field of paranormal activity. It was decided that Megan should not tell her parents about anything. They all agreed to go get crabs together to discuss this subject further.

They all three sat wa tching the waves rolling in front of them. The day was windy and rainy. It was a perfect day to discuss going to a haunted house together. The crabs were so delicious with the mustard sauce adding to the flavor of the sea beasts.

Jane decided she would get drunk with Maria and Megan. They would enjoy this night, which could be their last. They drank, ate and seriously discussed the possibilities that could happen to them upon entering this house of hell. ]ane had not drank in years but did not care about being an alcoholic. She convinced herself that she had control over her drinking. This night would pass and she would not drink again ever even after the danger had passed.

Chapter 4

Jane was pondering over the information she had read on the subject of, ghosts and paranormal activities. She remembered Edgar Cayce meditated, fell asleep and learned his lessons through osmosis. Jane realized that it was here that jokes have been passed on and to others in past generations with this same experience. She remembered that many writers experienced cosmic consciousness through meditation.

Jane had done a lot of meditating with her focus on Christ, Mary, angels and many saints. Her main focus was Christ. She had received many messages predicting her future, due to her intense concentration on these answers. She had been in a state of rapture many times like the saints. She did not think she was a saint in the eyes of the world, but through the eyes of God. Was not a saint someone who devoted their life to prayer, improving their soul? Christ was her main focus and even when she was not praying, she was thinking of Jesus.

Many people persecuted Jane with their odd notions of the religious type. People tended to stereotype her, containing her in a little box with no way out. People did not understand how enjoyable prayer is and how it does release psychic ability in all. Love and devotion is all that is necessary, having faith in being united in Christ very intimately.

Jane mostly felt sad for people who would not explore and enjoy the greatest gift, which is prayer. They accused her of being compulsive, rigid and crazy for wasting her time. They wanted to know why she was wasting her time, when she could have been doing other things. Her mother wanted to know what she was trying to prove. Many attacked her because tl1ey did not pray enough.

It was sad to her because even though she planted a few seeds, many were planted on unfertile soil. She placed her pearls of prayer before swine's. Prayer is what makes saints, but many people see them as born that way. She knew desperation is what brought her to Christ and she was thankful. It saddens her that she did not do more for Christ.

It is sad to her that many see Christians in a bad light. God's name is taken in vain as if it is a new fad, admired by many. Many that is forever.

Three men would be joining Jane, Megan and Maria on a trip to the house of hell. Dr. Brent a parapsychologist, would be one of these men, an expert in his field. An Indian, named Tenskwatawa, a native of the Shawnee tribe, would also be joining them, using his experience with the ghost dance.

The Indian is an expert on inducing himself and others into a trance and communication with ghosts. He uses drugs to induce such a state within himself. He wears a jacket with stars and birds, as a part of his costume and a part of his religious customs in order to conjure up ghosts. He believes the dead can be resurrected through this dance of charm and music.

The third man involved is a Catholic priest. His name is Father Brian and his main concern is the demonic influence, in this house that could cause further possession and death. He does not look forward to this encounter, because he knows the grave danger involved.

The priest has his holy water and his costume for his religious customs. He believes that having control over such matter is not always a guarantee. It is hard to know what will happen but he believes God will win in the end. The question is however, when is the end?

The parapsychologist would be able to sense any presence beyond the ordinary man. He too has the power of focus and the power of God. God would be the main one going with all of them to this house of torment.

Maria has a lukewarm faith, which she is now exploring. She is feeling regret toward her indifference to God. She went to the church, to light candles asking for God's help and forgiveness.

Megan realizes that the moment of truth is about to invade all of their lives but she feels especially her life. It is a time a fear, uncertainty and maybe death. She does not want to know the truth but yet she must know. Megan falls asleep relying on God to give her strength to deal with this dilemma.

Megan dream travels again toward s the house. She is standing in the bedroom, where the murders took place. She smells a foul odor, that of death. She wishes she could escape but seems to have been sent there.

She sees the little girl glowing, laughing, witl1 a hideous laugh.

There is another sound of laughter coming from behind the little girl, that of a devil. Megan wants to move, but she is frozen in her steps. She puts her hand s on her rosary, which is around her neck.

The little girl shouts that nothing will save her. The little girl cries that she needs to be at peace. She utters that it is not fair that anyone else should have peace.

Megan awakes from her dream, with the lingering smell of death. Her rosary breaks in half violently, as if the little girl is still with her. This event would have to be told to the three wise men.

Megan would be meeting with everyone for a briefing on what to expect, with this supernatural phenomenon. She could not wait for this meeting. It is time for her to tell her grandmotl1er.

Jane is not scared for herself but for Megan and Maria. She wished her life could have remained simple. Is simplicity and love too much to want for her family?

Jane recalls the death of her husband with a deep sadness, but also a longing to see him again. It surely is time for her to go to be with him. He was the best thing that ever happened to her.

Time is lost. Never again will she have certain joys with her husband. Megan is her main concern. She wants to protect her, which is like protecting her son.

Megan informs her grandmother about her latest dream travel. They contact the three men insisting, that they need to meet earlier. It is agreed for everyone to meet in an hour at the residence of Tenske, for a shorter version of his Indian name.

The six of them have come together at Tenske's house. Three men and three women come to form a circle and a special bond. It is a time of sharing, comfort and a realistic aim towards something that may control them. Wisdom is a comfort in time of danger, but if the circle be broken then all is lost.

The six are hovered together talking low but distinct and strong. These circle are to do battle with themselves and with a force that may take control. The warnings are given in detail and how to handle tl1emselves going into this house. There are many things that can be said of this great event. The conversation was done and now it was time to drink and be merry.

The six laughed as if there was no tomorrow. Jokes were told of ghosts, such as the ghost of Dr. Mudd. One would of thought that death was funny to all these six. They did not seem to be scared or worried. It was as if they were going to a parade. They would go away to pack and leave tomorrow for this house of mystery.

The six slept in separate beds. They were all.in their separate space they called home. It would be soon that all six would form one circle.

It was getting close and now they were all on their way by plane, to this house in Texas. They all laughed when it was getting closer to land. Danger and doom can make you laugh as if it were better than crying. The laughing made them strong and confident.

The six ones entered the house slowly, but focused. The Indian began his dance of chants and the priest sprinkled holy water with every step he took. The parapsychologist was in a deep trance, but aware of his surroundings. The six were praying all in a different way but still prayer.

The incantation s could be heard echoing throughout the still house. They all approached the bedroom where the murders took place. Megan, Maria and Jane were reciting Hail Marys. It was a fight between two boundaries of good and evil. It was a line between the physical and spiritual worlds.

The six saw visions of the murders that took place. The little girl appeared before them, glowing brightly. Laughing consumed the house, drowning out the prayers. The prayers continued but the laughter was louder.

The little girl cried out that she is mine. It was frightful and Jane clutched Megan. The six protected her from this spirit. The girl cried out that God is not just. She screamed for them to cease their prayers, but the prayers continued.

Dr. Brent began talking to her trying to reason with her. He was asking the little girl, why she did not have peace. She told him that her father brought this curse upon her. He should not have done his evil deeds and someone must pay.

The Indian danced in a rhythmic fashion but with a strong gait and power. Smoke was being sent up by the Indian and priest. The parapsychologist continued to talk to the little ghost. Father Brian thought her a little demon.

The rituals continued but the laughing and screaming got louder and louder. The little girl screamed demanding that they release Megan. Megan was not about to move forward. The circle had not yet been broken.

The priest began to use the name of Jesus to ban the evil away. He made the blessing of the Trinity, with a chanting melody, harmonizing with the Indian's chants. There was a harmony among all of them, including the Hail Mary's, which were harmonizing along with the chants. The parapsychologist was making his humming noises of transcendental meditation.

Jane insisted that the little girl not make innocent people suffer. She wanted to offer herself instead of Megan. She was silenced by Megan and tl1e rest told her to be silent. The little girl laughed and said she would have Megan.

Objects began to fly at all of the six and the priest motioned for them to leave. The objects were flying and a book hit Maria on the side of her face. She fell but was retrieved by the women helping her to leave this house.

The objects continued to fly and the laughter became hideous beyond belief. It was so scary that the six tried, to proceed faster to get out. The smell stifled everyone but they continued to move chanting louder and stronger.

The six finally were out of the house. An object came smashing out of the window, almost hitting Megan. They all agreed it would take several visits to this house in order to protect Megan. They all left to get dinner, drinks and relax. Then all would go back to this house and do it all over again.

It was astonishing to Jane and all of tl1em tl1at this was really happening. Jane decided she wou ld take a camera and get a photograph of this ghost. It was agreed that a camera would be a good idea.

The night was enjoyed by all as they ate and drank feeling powerful, that they had survived this ordeal. The dinner and drinks were a comfort to their shaken nerves but the conversation is what made the most impact. The six sat joking again almost denying the power of ghosts. They would not believe this little girl had more power than prayers.

The priest cautioned them not to be so sure of the outcome. He told tl1em he had seen many things like this go bad or end bad. They assured him tl1at they were not feeling cocky but strong. It was a miracle that God brought six souls together -who are wise, strong and pure.

Jane was in bed trying asleep. She was thinking about all her close times with God. It was amazing to her that God gave her life purpose, fulfillment and meaning. She had for a long time, had things to do to, help her be productive and it was all due to God.

There was a time in her life when she was very sad, bored and had no interest in life. She only had hope that things would get be tter. She also knew she would be better. It was a shame she had not devoted herself to God earlier, sparing herself unnecessary suffering. She felt sad for anyone, who had no hope for happiness in tl1is life. Endings say a lot for a person just like beginnings.

Chapter 5

They all are prepared to go back to the house again, but they are not prepared for new events-that will occur. Tenske is the first to proceed in the house on this rainy Monday. Father Brian is the next one to enter, than Dr. Brent. The three ladies enter clustered together as if one spirit.

The little girl appears and the laughing and screaming begins again. The prayer and ghost dance commence like a wave rolling over the entire earth. The girl Megan is very angry and wants the prayers to cease. The prayers continue as if a force could not stop this chanting even if it were possible.

Red blood starts oozing out of the walls with a smell so stenching, that one would be convinced they were all in hell. Fear mangled the peace that the three wise men were trying to achieve. Jane was not afraid for herself, but for Megan. The fear was strong and the circle was weakened.

The negative force was strong and damaging. Negative feelings that people say, came back to haunt all who were a part of this prayer circle. Many do not strive to be positive because it is hard work. Jane had the faith of her prayers, but was concerned about the fear she saw on Megan's face.

The face of demons appeared all over the walls laughing at their avengers. The little girl danced feeling happy that she would triumph. Megan was so afraid that sweat was pouring down her neck, with her heart palpitating at a high beat.

Jane had a determined strength, trying to block her anger. The others except, Megan, were also determined, but not with anger, just extreme caution. It was a very tense moment and it seemed fruitless this battle.

The motl1er of the ghastly little girl appeared before them, pleading witl1 her daughter to cease this evil revenge. The little girl would not listen to her mother. The motl1er led all out of the house safely.

The six were relieved and hoped going to the house tomorr ow would go better. They all went to a cabin that Dr. Brent owned looking out over the ocean. Everyone ate dinner, drank wine and relaxed. The events that occurred in the house would need to be discussed, but for now they were all relaxed, far removed from the house.

Tenske began the discussion by informing them that all would have to rid themselves of fear. Tenske admitted that he too was afraid because he had never seen such an evil spirit so determined . He told tl1em he had witnessed many evil spirits but this little girl was beyond imagining.

Father Brian told them that they all needed to remain positive about the power of their prayers. If one did not believe that their prayers were worthy and are negative about them , then this blocks the channel of Christ's love. It is important he said to believe Christ is the ultimate power.

Dr. Brent informed them that one must be in tuned to the little girl's thoughts in order to win this battle. It is important to call on the spirits of heaven for guidance and protection. The angels could be our most beneficial allays.

Jane informed them that she was angry at the little girl for trying to take Megan from her. She realized she would have to concentrate on the love of Christ. She was mainly concerned about Megan being so fearful.

Maria said her faith was new and wondered if she was going to be any help. She did not feel danger for herself but for Megan. Maria was very afraid of her thoughts but would try to be more calm the next time.

Megan told all of them that she was very afraid. She believes that she is going to die. It is hard for her to believe in her will but that of God. She said she would try not to be so afraid but felt what was to be would be.

Jane and Megan were in one of the bedrooms trying asleep but neither could fall asleep. They were both nervous about going to the house again. Megan began the conversation.

"Grandma it may be my time to go. I cannot fight the force of this little girl. I feel like it is my time to go."

''Don't say that Maria! We can win this fight if you only believe. My life would be over without your kind soul."

"Grandma I have to accept my death. It will do no good if I try to deny the possibility. I have to accept God's will."

"I cannot believe that it is God's will for you to die at the hands of this monster. Let me die in your place. I won't hear you talk like this is the end."

"Grandma it is the end! God does what is best for all. Maybe the little girl will finally be at peace!"

"I don't care about that ghost. I care about you and I want to be the one who goes home to God. I want you here to marry and have children."

"Grandma everything cannot always be the way we want. I will no longer care either way. We will be together in heaven for eternity."

''Why do you want to resign to die? Don't you believe in Your prayers? For God sake Megan stop this foolish talk!"

"I am not talking foolish. I am not your life you are. Don't try to save me from my demise. Your life is important to all of us. I must go home it is time."

"I will try to accept what you are saying but it is difficult for me. I never saw a little girl like you before that is so precious. I feel you have become what I should have become."

"Grandma you have become you. You do not have to feel guilty for anything. You tried your bes t. I have not had the same heavy trial and temptations that you have had. Grandma you are so beautiful to me and wise."

Jane started to cry and Megan wept with her. They both held each other as if for the very last time. Megan and Jane said a rosary together before they fell asleep.

The spirit has a purpose in this house. She will not go away.

She is haunting Megan in her sleep.

The spirit of truth also has a purpose. One cannot know another except through the soul. Each life is touched by love and pain. It is not for anyone to know that which is real to another. Truth is only seen by God. He knows what needs to be done to touch and change one of his lovely creatures. Everyone is an image of him that he moulds to his liking.

Pain brings about trutl1 and then love rushes in to kindle the soul. Honesty to some never comes and they die lacking the grace of God. It is his purpose to make all anew.

Wasting time on a soul, who will not see brings detrimental pain to others around her. She is not affected by her words or actions. She believes she is not responsible. It is everyone else who is to blame for her life including God.

God is an open channel that waters the flowers so they can grow. If the flower refuses the sun then it withers and dies. Each soul is a reflection of the truth and honesty of God. God cannot hide truth nor love.

Truth is pain but it does bring glory. Forget not the mirror that holds your reflection for it is your key to peace. If you do not see, others will not walk in honesty with you on your journey.

The moment comes to us all when we are held responsible and accountable for the way we develop our lives. No one gives us the happiness except ourselves and God. It is time to accept that we are in control of our destiny.

\We have no one to blame but ourselves. If we are not honest with ourselves then we are liars. It is time to come to the crossroads and decide for peace and love.

The sky holds our dreams and the pond reflects this hope. Breathe in the air and enjoy the nature that holds you dear to God. Two should be one and both aware of each others goodness and weakness.

No one is blameless. We all have hurt people. We all have loved. Forgivenes s means that you acknowledge your humanity in others. Do not believe that we are separate. In heaven we shall be one with diversity. This physical plane is the only thing that separates us from each other.

Walls keep love out but also evil that tries to invade our lives. It is necessary to be truthful to one another even though it may cause division. He came to divide the truth from lies.

Once we blamed others for our lot, now it is ourselves that we blame. This should not bring about ultimate shame but gladness of heart, that we can change and make a difference. It is a time of Christ and a time of prayer.

Each journey, each soul is cast down from heaven to walk on this earth as a refugee looking for shelter. Shelter is within from God. It takes some a lifetime to find out this answer. This answer comes from above.

Do not be cast down for long, for you have a purpose. It is the time for growth and love. Love is what captures the soul and encourages it to grow. Do not feel heavy with burdens, for they are only gifts from God to water your soul. You are a flower that needs to grow. The sun will empower you with love and strength.

If you were faced with a haunted house or a haunting of your faults. It would be your choices that would bring joy to your life. It is your life and soul if you choose to accept the responsibility.

Is it your time to stop running, blaming and complaining? Prayer can give you the insight and strength you need to change. Love is the ultimate power that comes from prayer.

Right or wrong compromise must surmise your relationships.

We are but children looking for ourselves. It is others who bring to us the truth that we do not want to see. We all lack sight and therefore our journey of growth never ends.

The more real Christ become s, the more faith we can have in our prayers. \What decisions do these six characters make in this novel? What decisions do you make in order to change and face yourself? It is a never ending cycle and the circle cannot be broken.

The journe y is about learning, growing and this brings about a deeper love for ourselves and others. Everything including a book should be seen and used as a tool to learn about our -selves. Pain usually comes before joy for growth.

A new level brings a new devil. There will always be new temptations and new conflicts. It does not end with material and lover gains. We get reprieves from our pain but it will come back again.

Joy is the ultimate gift we receive as a reward for our perseverance. We eventually reach a level of peace, which gives us strength to deal with life in a consistent manner. Just when we have all the answers the questions change.

We become like a rubber band, which expands and we view life from both sides or many sides of an issue. We are equal in the sight of God in the sense that he made us all and loves each one of us both big and small.

Hate will never free us but giving will. Travel the sea of love and you will always be protected. Do not wish on another what you would not wish on your self. We reap what we sow. We are no better or wors e than another. We have the power to understand, love and give. We fight our spiritual nature when we go against love.

The spirit is forever searching and giving answers to those who accept, the Holy Spirit, lover of truth. Do not doubt the existence of God for, you are doubting your existence. Believe and trust in his love and this will become your ultimate power.

It is almost time to return to the haunted house one last time. Why are you afraid? Do you not believe in demons and hell?

Truth is relevant. Some would say there is no God and no hell. Is there hell on earth? Do you make your own hell?

Reach out into the darkness to try and find the light. The ray of sunshine or hope is beating at your breast. Do not be in darkness without a light. Do not be in the light only to be in darkness.

The night is coming like a wind knocking at your door. It is here that you will know the truth. Do not end up alone in your search.

Everyone has gifts and something to offer this world. The world is you and me with God. Do not cast out his light only then to be cast out.

Jane and Megan are awakening to a new day. It is this moment they fear, but it will soon bring both relief. They are afraid bu t at peace. This moment will not shake their faith in God.

It is time for truth and strength. They will not falter from their purpose, even though their feet may stumble. The ti.me has come for the moment of truth. It is time to visit this haunted house.

Tenske feels strong and curious. He has been driven to the brink in his life, but this has made him stronger. He is determined to face anything that is in his power to do so.

Father Brian does not relish change nor strength. He only knows that there is no choice sometimes. He wishes he could be golfing instead of dealing with this demon and her rudeness.

He finds her to be obnoxious and he wishes she would just go to hell and get this over and done with . He has no sympathy for her bad dancing. He does not much care for her breath which is much worse than that of a chain smoker.

Dr. Brent is in love with his brains, gifts and philosophy of life. He is getting a lot of fame with this house and his humility is gone on vacation. He is thought of as a hero, because no one else would go into that house. His only thought is he hopes the little girl does not ruin the smell of his good cologne.

Maria is thankful that she has had a good life, but she hopes to help the poor. She feels changed because of her prayers. She wishes to do good for all the times she did not turn to God.

The six are all going to have breakfast togetl1er before they face this haunted house. The breakfast at the Pedro Restaurant is fabulous. They all eat a huge breakfast of eggs, scrapples grits, pancakes and blueberry muffins. They laugh and chuckle commenting that the wind would be hard pressed blowing away their heavy weighed down bodies from breakfast.

Dr. Brent is looking at himself in a mirror that he has inside his pocket. Father Brian cannot wait till this is all over so he can play golf without some ugly little mean girl. Tenske is hoping to visit some of his family on the reservation.

Maria is hoping that nothing will happen to anyone. Megan and Jane are resolved to finish what has been started. The women look at each other as if they know that they are actually the strength in this group.

The house is glowing and fierce looking. They have decided to wait until nightfall before entering this haunted house again. The house is waiting for the fun to begin.

They all wait for darkness to come. It is a chilling day but the night will be more so. They all laugh and joke trying to forget about their fears.

The smell of fear has a unique odor. The feeling is evil in itself. Fear is the ultimate danger. Sadness would be better than fear.

The six wait and the night falls. The house is beckoning the six to enter. Now they enter the house one last time.
Chapter 6

They entered the house and moved quickly up to the room where they knew the little girl would be waiting. They began their chanting prayers and the house was silent. The silence was chilling and it was so quiet that it alarmed them. The harmony of the prayers grew louder and higher.

The laughing began, but the little girl could not be seen. They were hoping that no devil would appear before them but in that instant the faces on the walls materialized. The little girl appeared more viscous and more determined this time.

Objects began to fly all over the place quickly and violently. The little girl came towards Megan but Jane tried to block her. Jane was thrown across the room. The others also tried to intervene, but all were thrown across th e room except Dr. Brent.

The little girl was angry and took a knife stabbing him many times. Everyone was horrified at this violent crime. Megan stood there unable to move. The little girl took the gun, she shot her parents with and shot Megan . Megan was on the floor dead.

Megan lay on the floor dead and then her body caught on fire. Megan's body vanished and everyone was in horrible shock. Dr. Brent's body then burned and his body too vanished.

The little girl laughed and said her mission was done. She went up in flames and then she too was gone. The devils laughed and the house started to burn. The devils kept laughing and everyone fled from the house.

The four remained watching the house burn in flames. The laughing ceased once the house was in total flames. The house was now black and the flames were no more.

Everyone wept for the death of their two companions and wept out of relief that it was finally over. It had been a battle tl1ey wanted to win, but all was lost. Lives were lost, especially the life of Megan, who they wanted to save. The four were grateful to escape witl1 their lives.

Jane was in shock and they escorted her to the car fearing she might die right there. Maria held her in the car as if she were holding on to her mother. Father Brian was the designated driver and Tenske was in the passenger seat. They all looked on as if they were in another world.

Tenske and Father Brian told Maria they would be in touch to see how Jane was doing. Maria stayed at Jane's house taking care of her during this ordeal. Maria contacted Martin and Betty-Anne to inform them of their daughter's death.

The funeral was simple and brief. Jane stayed in her bed unable to move. Maria had to persuade her to eat something. Jane would not eat for several days. It was as if Jane died with Megan. She had no desire to live anymore. Maria felt her friend's pain so deeply that she could not see the point of all this.

There was a deep sadness in this house and a stillness that kept even the heavens quiet. Maria felt helpless and wished more could be done. It was a sadness Maria never had experienced before in her life.

The sadness of Jane was unbearable to Maria. Jane was going to die and Maria knew this. Jane would not go on because she did not want to. Jane could bear this pain because she was going to see Megan soon. She had resigned herself to death and no one was going to cheer her up. Jane felt no hope and there was a numbness that words could not express.

Jane had bared many things in her life but loneliness was the greatest burden she has ever known. This pain would never go away.

Her longing for death was now greater than ever.

Pain can be so deep for some that they lose hope. Some know when they are ready to die. Why can some bear more pain than others? It is hard to say. Each soul is so complex and their circumstances are unique.

Some can be struck with such force or with extreme burdens over and over again. Some just snap and no prayer seems to bring them back. Is there a level we all can reach where it is ju st too much to take anymore?

Pain is something that no one likes or always understands.

Faith and hope are so important in times of pain. Some choose to die whereas others move on to new dreams.

Some are walking in tunnels now, wondering when will there' be light at the end of this tunnel. Some walk in the desert wondering when will their thirst be quenched? Hope is the only thing that keeps them going.

Those who go through pain grow humble and dependent on God's mercy. Pain usually makes those of faith stronger. It is not this life that they depend upon. Some have lived their life fully and want to die.

Why do some not depend on God? Faith is a safety net for times of trial and tribulation. The real sadness in the world is lack of faith in God.

It may not seem that you can go on but God will give you the strength. Anger and pain can move us forward, until, we are like butterflies free of bondage. It is this pain and anger synonymous, of one another, learning to let go, that gives us true happiness and peace.

If we accept Christ then we accept the joy and pain of becoming new creatures in Christ. Life can be painful, but good can come out of this pain. We hope for the promise of a new day.

We all hope for happy endings, bu t this is not always life. Being a Christian though, gives you hope for new joys. We can conquer and live out our dreams, with prayer. You may be vexed now, bu t then you will have joy.

Each new spiritual level brings about a new sense of pain and then joy. Each new phase of life challenges us to changes. We must change if we are to continue to have peace and joy.

If we refuse to change, we refuse the life God intends for us to have. Joy is, knowing we have God to renew our strength for a new day. It is heaven that we long for in our hearts.

Jane prays to God to have one last dream travel to Knock, Ireland before she dies. She prays that God will take her soon. She prays to all of heaven and Mother Mary.

She knows in her heart that Tenske is gifted in such matters of death and the afterlife. She must see him one more time. He will help make her dreams come true. She will pray hard and long for her last wishes.

She must gather strength to prepare her journey to him. He has gifts from his ancestors that she desires. It will be worth the price to see Megan again.

She longs to see her husband again. This time they will never part and there will be no pain. It is time to leave her son, but he must not know of her plans.

She will get well so Maria can get back to her life. She must not know any of this. It is time to leave this earth and she has a new confidence in her prayer s.

Time is not lost, but it changes like a vast space. It creates new life and new hope. Stars die and new stars are formed. Space is constantly changing and new discoveries are always happening in this chain of space.

Space is that of a spirit, always touching new lives. New life replaces the old ones. There is a stillness that constantly evolves touching the next form.

Space is a creation and the. planets occupy their post.Natu re and creatures form together this space. This atmosphere is accepted by each new spirit that holds space like a mother. The spirit instinctively knows where it belongs. Nature is a spirit and it longs for its' home.

Whales cry out to their God and to the ocean. The ocean is their home but they know there is another time when they will be free to roam. Everything is confined but shall someday not be. The whales know this is not where they belong.

Every heart and every spirit is a part of the plan. The creations are in a. different time but soon all will be free. Home is a space where no time exists. Space is always changing until it reaches its' home.

The dolphin s cry out to the fish. "We will all be free." It is a time of confinement. The space is a frontier of new hopes, but eventually home will come to us all.

We are one with nature, but we seem bent on destroying it. We destroy ourselves and those we love. Nature is our mother as the Indian s would say. Do not destroy your elders for they are your people.

The night is dark and vast, but full of changes. The night is at peace, while creatures stir and sleep. The 'night accepts the creatures and the animals accept the night.

It is a time of connecting. It is a time of peac e. Love reigns the earth tl1tough all its' folly.

Do not grieve the day that is lost, for tl1ere will be another. Do not grieve the night for it will come again. Do not lose the sun for the moon is here.

Hold the night, for there will not be ever, the exact same night. Do not lose the spirit of a friend, for none can replace this individual spirit. Do not refuse another spirit, that may come to you in the night.

Hold each moment as long as you can, for this moment will soon be gone. Do 'not fret this moment for it is now you live. Each memory is like a canvas full of colors and texture.

Each time a soul is touched it expands into the universe. The universe hold s this moment forever in a star. The star shines brightly amongst the angel dust.

Pain holds the j oy and the joy holds the pain. They are one in destiny and roam until they are home. It is each tear and laughter that fills the space in time.

Each new life is connected to the old one. Each old life is connected to the new. Each place is holy ground.

Each soul is protected by nature. Nature grows angry at times and renews the earth. There is a time to be born and a time to die. Life is forever like a tree. The tree loses its' leaves but grows new ones.

Dogs accept the earth as it is. Lions do not question the fairness of life. Creatures accept nature and nature accepts them.

It is a circle that is never broken this space, this life. Life dies and then it is renewed. Angels flock to each spirit and creature leading them to their path. It is this connection that unites everyone.

Each life adds to the earth as a collection of dust and covers the ground. Angel dust is in the sky, radiating from each spirit. The dust forms new ground and new sky. Each particle is necessary for life to exist.

Each soul progresses towards this light of eternity. Every soul is necessary for life. Death is but a passing moment, which is only death to this world. Death is but a transformation into eternal bliss. Death perfects the soul to new heights.

Death is necessary to make things new. Space never really changes, only appears to grow and expand. Life is a chain of events that knits one picture, which is heaven.

Earth is but an image of heaven. Earth is but a part of space. Space is all knowing and consuming. It does not vanish for it is eternal.

Eternal pangs are that of joy. We will all be transformed into a butterfly, free at last. No boundaries are there in heaven or pain. It is a moment of truth beyond this realm.

This realm is but a moment in time and space. Heaven is the final frontier. It will not die nor change. It is a place we cannot comprehend with our bodies but with our spirit.

Do not be vexed for this life is but a moment. We will all be

free if we choose to be. Eternal is the heart of each spirit as they make their way across the sky, to the stars and angel dust shall we rise.

Her dreams have been realized and she will sing for God eternally.

Maria leaves Jane reluctantly but knows it is time to go. Jane thanks her for coming into her life and Maria thanks Jane. "If I don't see you again then I'll see you in the rapture," Jane said.

Jane knows what she must do. Her prayers will be answered. Tenske will help her to make it so. It is time to rise forever.

Maria is amazed at her recovery. Jane fixes her breakfast as if nothing has occurred. Maria is very suspiciou s of her.

Jane calls Tenske and he agrees to meet her. She explains to him what she wants. He tells her he knows and will help her. He tells her that everyone eventually comes to this time in their life when they are ready for the next life.

Jane feels comforted by his words as she hangs up the phone.

She will be meeting with him soon. She knows that God has always sent her a spiritual guide when she needs it the most. It is time for her to prepare her affairs. Her house and dogs will go to her son.

She will have to insist that Maria get on with her life. Jane can be very convincing so she knows Maria will go. She q must keep the rosary that Patrick gave her around her neck so she can dream travel one more time.

She will wear her wedding ring forever, until she dies. It is a time of sadness but mostly joy for her at last. It has been a good life but now it is time for a better one.

She will now see her dad, brother and other son. She has missed them and now will be with them forever. The most important thing is she will see Christ.

Jesus she has loved for a long time. She longs to see him like never before. It is time to go home, to be with her true husband. She has felt like his bride for a long time.

Jesus gave her life and gave it abundantly. She hopes that everyone will come to know him. She has no regrets on leaving this

The ladies parted and Jane speedily got everything in order so she could meet Tenske. She looked at her dogs one last time and assur ed them that it would not be long before they were reunited. She started her car and left for home.

She was not afraid to die. She always wondered if she would be ready when it was her time to go. Now she was ready to die.

She thought of all the people she has known and felt good about her life. She wished she had done more for others, but may be the quality of her relationships was enough. She made a difference in her little corner that she was given. She felt loved and forgiven by God. She knew it was her time to go and would be with a friend when she did leave this world. She offered up one final prayer for lost souls.

Chapter 7

Jane met Tenske at his house out in the woods. She sensed peace and power in the woods and in his house. She could feel the lingering of peace from his chanting. She thought she could almost hear the chanting softly, like she heard a song even after the radio was off.

He made her some meditative tea he called it. She said she did not want drugs of any kind and he told her it was not necessary. He showed her around the house and she was impressed witl1 his home. It was a simple house, almost like a huge cabin and the back glass door had a view of nature like no other view she had seen.

There was a fog outside, which made the day like a spiritual movie. She thought the weather was perfect for her plans. She felt so relaxed like never before as if the whole world only existed here and now. This moment was better than she could have ever hoped .

He sensed her being very comfortable and they sat down to drink their tea. He had many pictures in his home of Indians and scenery. He sensed tl1at their session would go very well.

He asked her if she was absolutely sure she wanted to die. She told him that nothing seemed more necessar y. She assured him that she had never been so sure in her life.

He told her that they would begin soon. He first had to tell her a story that she could probably relate to. She watched him intently waiting for him to begin.

"There was a man once a long time ago that lived free on the land before, the restricted reservations of poverty. He was a young man, handsome and a strong warrior. He was also a strong prayer warrior. He was kind and mainly lived to help people."

"He taught many tl1e art of prayer to communicate with the dead. He taught them to have faith in tl1e spirits. Later he did come to believe in Christ. He taught many about the land and how to fight."

"He met a woman named Mystic. He came to know why she was given her name. He felt she knew his soul like nobody else." "He fell madly in love with her and found she was his main reason for living. They had a son and named him Lone Wolf like that of his father. He did help people bu t he liked to be alone. Even though he spent a lot of time with Mystic he felt the need to be alone a lot to pray."

"The heart of his soul belonged to his family. He treasured her and did anything for her. Everyone liked him and wanted to learn from him."

"The years passed and he was now thirty. He was out hunting and left his wife and son at home. His son was twelve years old now. He was becoming very much like his father."

"He returned home to find the home he built burned and his wife and son dead. They had both been shot and he could tell his wife had been raped because her clothes had been torn to shreds." "He got revenge on the white men that did this to his family.

He then decided that he wanted to die. H e went into a deep meditative trance without drugs and his tribe could never find him again. They say his body assumed into heaven without him having to die."

''.Are you saying that I will assume into heaven like this man? I do not see how this could be done. I do not have his talents." Jane finished.

"I am not saying this will happen to you. I do not know what God has planned for you. You do have to have the faith. This will not be easy. You will have to meditate deeply and for a long time." he said.

"This meditation we will do out in the woods. I will guide you through it. Make clear to me your last wishes," he said.

"I want to dream travel one last time to Knock, Ireland. Then I will be ready to go to the next world. I would like to see Jesus in a vision," she finished.

"I will start a fire and play music. I will guide you through this trance. You can will this and all events can take place,"he finished. "I find all of tl1is hard to believe. It is almost like trying to interfere with God's plan. This all sounds kind of spooky," she said.

"I believe God has sent you to me. I believe it will come to pass. I believe God has inspired you to do this," he said.

They both walked into the woods and he lit a fire. He turned on the Indian music and then they sat down. He told her she has dream traveled before and she could do this.

They both closed their eyes and he told her to see what he sees. He told her that their minds would be one. They would concentrate on her last wishes. He began to chant and she listened.

They meditated a good three hours. She thought of the gold diggers who did this before they went in search of gold. They were both in a deep trance.

Jane started seeing faces appear towards her. She was not scared. She saw the spirit of Lone Wolf. Tenske was seeing the same visions.

She then saw Jesus come towards her. Then she saw her dad and brother. She saw Alice and her son encouraging her to continue. She felt like she was in the spiritual world totally.

Tenske chanted again and Jane saw both of them leave their bodie s. They were floating together towards a destination. She was in Knock, Ireland but Tenske was not with her. She walked along the streets and prayed in the churches. Dream travel was different this time. She felt like she had more control on how long she stayed this time.

It was an exciting moment but eerie. She felt peace, strength and love from Christ. She felt a part of the world like never before.

It was as if she was one with every spirit. She had been blind but now she could see. The people sense a strength in her spirit.

She did not want to stay. She wanted to go back to Tenske.

She flew back to him as if a bird, free for the very first time. He smiled when he saw her and she-felt loved and protected.

They continued the trance and God showed her the events of her whole life. She felt sad, guilty, but then she was consumed by pure joy. She had an ultimate understanding of herself, others and realized her purpose had been valuable to God and others.

She saw herself with a heavenly body and was amazed at her beauty. Her reflection started singing with her beautiful voice more in tuned then she had ever done. Her loved ones were singing with her. It was like heaven and certainly better than any Walt Disney movie. Drugs could not have induced such beauty.

She saw herself running across a field of flowers. The day was windy and she felt real power with no fear. Tenske was running with her and then she was alone.

She saw David and their love for each other was more than she could have imagined . They united and made love with orgasms of a spiritual nature. It was the greatest pleasure she ever knew and they were united in one soul.

She knew they would be together for all eternity. Then he left and Jesus came forward. They touched in a spiritual way, which brought her total peace and love. She realized he was her being. They would be together for all eternity. He was the love everyone sought for. He was them and they were him.

She did not want to return to her earthly body but Tenske said it was time. Jane felt very disappointed to be back here in the woods. She was happy she could share everything with Tenske.

He told her it was not time for her. It would be her time soon. He told her this was a process but the next time she would be in heaven.

She was going to stay the night and she felt relieved not to be alone. He was the most comfortable spirit she had ever been with. He felt the same way about her.

She asked him why he did not want to go to heaven. He told her it was not his time'. They both settled down in his den and he would be cooking dinner.

Tenske fixed fresh fish that he caught and they had vegetables. They had a sweet potato pie that was out of this world. He then fixed both of them a pitcher of Tom Collins to drink.

Jane was so glad to spend her last moments with him. They talked for hours. They talked about their lives. Jane thought him to be a very wise and special man. She wished she had known him in her youth.

He told her his wife had been dead for years. She died of cancer. His daughter was expecting a child and he wanted to stick around. He told her it was time asleep.

Jane fell asleep and she dreamed of Megan. She dreamed of the horrible night in that house. Then Megan came to her as if it were real and Jane was sure this was not a dream. Megan looked radiant, beautiful and happy.

Megan told her that they would be together soon. They talked and then Jane woke up. It was Megan and soon Jane would see her for all eternity.

It was still early and Jane decided to get something to eat and then return to bed. She ate cookies greedily and wondered if there would be food in heaven . She would see if they could get a pizza today and then she fell asleep.

Tenske and her did not awaken until noon. They were both excited to be able to share this exciting journey together. He said he would go get pizza and anything else she wanted. He left and she decided to take another tour of his house.

She went outside the back glass door just to see the trees.

She spotted about four deer. The sight was awesome with one little baby deer. She saw this- as a positive sign and the deer just stared at her. To her amazement they came to her and she stroked them gently. She felt like Cinderella and all her dreams were coming true.

Life was beautiful and why had it taken her so long to appreciate it. The high of life was at its' greatest height now, knowing she would soon be gone. She was excited about being in heaven soon.

Jane started singing to the deer and they listened to her beautiful voice intently. It was magic and no words could describe it. Tenske returned listening to her amazed at her gift. He secretly wished she would stay.

Jane transformed right before his eyes. She was no longer an old woman but a beautiful young woman. Jane felt her body changing and she knew she was young again like in her trance.

Jane turned around to see Tenske staring at her. They both felt strong love for each other at that moment. He went out to her and tl1ey embraced.

She felt enticed by tl1eir embrace and he felt tl1e same way.

He picked her up and carried her to the bedroom. She was not going to feel guilty enjoying life one more time.

He started kissing her and she felt high. He took off her clothes and began to touch her breasts. He then touched every inch of her and she touched his soft hard body. He started putting his mouth on her nipples and he could feel her body cringe with excitement. Her nipples were hard and he could not control his hunger.

He began to take off his clothes and then he lay on top of her kissing her and smelling her. He was inside of her and she began to groan. The groaning excited him and he was groaning also. They were both physically one and botl1 knew this love making was the best they both had known.

Jane had on·e orgasm after another and they made love for two hours. They were both so tired that sleep came easily. Sleep was sweet for a couple hours and then they awoke.

They started to kiss and hold each other. They just looked at each other, which seemed like eternal peace. They talked and felt joy.

He did not want her to go but she told him she must. He understood and did not force the issue. He would enjoy this moment right now.

He had never known such joy but knew she did not belong to him. She wanted to stay with him for as long as she could. It was time to eat and they would have to heat the pizza.

Tenske and her ate, talked and laughed. They were very relaxed with each other. It would soon be time for them to go to the woods.

Jane decided to call Martin one last time. She told him she was staying at a cabin. He sounded concerned but she tried to reassure him. He informed her that Betty Anne was pregnant. "The doctor informed us that we are going to have a girl," he said.

Jane was happy for him but wondered if she would have the gift of dream traveling. Jane got off the phone a little sad and wanting to know the future of this little girl. Tenske noticed her concern and said not to worry God's plan would go on without her.

They read poetry together. Jane was surprised when she saw that he had all her books. He told her she was a gifted writer.

He told her he was very touched by the depth of her writing. He laughed and said she was real deep. She laughed realizing the sexual connotation that he was applying to deep.

She told him she would like to see the future of her family before she leaves. He said that would probably be possible. This was a comfort to Jane.

They waited until it was night before going into the woods. Birds were singing loud and strong. Yellow birds, red and blue were flying all around. It was the most beautiful day and night Jane could remember.
Chapter 8

(Conclusion)

They both proceeded into the woods. Tenske lit a fire and turned on the music. A black horse appeared before both of them.

His beauty was amazing and both strokes him. The horse left and then Tenske looked at Jane.

"The heavenly spirits are ready for you. This is your final journey. It is a time for you," he said.

"I am going to miss you. I could not have done this without you. I will be glad when it is your time of joy," she said.

My time will come soon enough. You have added to my life and I will never forget you. This life is but a road that leads us to this final lesson," he said.

''You have given of yourself to this world. Some of your lessons have been hard, but it is worth having the wisdom. Your love will never leave."

''Your love will remain a part of this universe. You cannot be blotted out. You have chosen life when many choose death."

"Death is a judgment many place on themselves. It is hard for them to see freedom of spirit for their lives. A person can block the love channel of Christ by hate, revenge, judging and limited vision."

"It is your time for life because you did not block the love of Jesus. You opened up your heart and mind to him . You tried to do his will. You drew close to him when many would not."

"Now it is time for the trance to begin. You shall have God forever. Look out after us all who truly need your guidance," he finished.

Tenske began his chanting and both were focused. They were listening to the music lead them deeper into a trance. They were in a deep state now after three hours of meditation.

Jane saw her son and his wife very happy. They named their daughter Megan and she would have the gift of dream traveling. Her life would be joyful and there would be no scary events for her. She would help a lot of people find Christ.

Jane was taken to hell where many were in torment. She was thankful that she knew none of these lost souls. She knew their torment was great and wished she could release them .

She was then shown how her prayers saved many souls. The souls in purgatory were very thankful to her for being released. She wished at that instant she had prayed more. She asked for God's forgiveness and felt bad for a neglect of others.

She saw the enemy and he was sad. She was not afraid because she knew she had won the war. It was sad to her that hate exists at all. There would be no such thing as jealousy if all were close to God.

She left and went to heaven. Tenske came out of the trance and realized she was gone. She had assumed into heaven because she had the faith to do so. God gave her this gift due to her sacrifices she made for him.

Jane had talked to God when many others would not. Some would never know this intimacy. Jane had become an open channel for Christ.

Tenske looked up into the sky and a sadness of loss came over him. He wished he could have gone with Jane. The fire was dying out so he rekindled it. He wanted to stay here and just look up at the stars.

The black horse came to him again giving comfort. He felt blessed to be a part of this great event. He only had been through this several times and the last time was with his wife. He missed his wife but knew they would be united again.

The night was cool and still. The horse stayed with him all night. He looked up at the stars and saw many shooting stars. He saw stars move across the sky and the moon was a bright red. He wondered if others saw this red moon. The moon started changing colors.

The moon turned many colors including purple. He felt that the beauty was for himalone, done by God to bring him comfort. He was amazed at the beauty and felt the love of God. The stars were the brightest he had ever seen.

Jane was really gone and he was alone. The horse stared at him as if he knew the Indian's soul. The man and the horse were alone with the sky.

He awoke the next morning and called Martin to let him know his mother was gone. Martin had a dream about it and was happy for his mother. Tenske got off the phone and would have to go on living life the best he could.

Jane was gone and someday Tenske would know this joy of being home. He felt very sad for the first time in a long time, since his wife left the same way as Jane. His life would never be the same again.

He did not want to believe that there would be souls that would never know this joy. He just could not grasp the idea of hell. He would like to believe that we all get this reward just for living life here on earth.

The haunted house became a joy for some at the end and a nightmare for others. The burning house, that dreadful day no longer stands. The little girl no longer haunts this earth.

Maria still paints and sometimes the spirit of Jane helps her paint, scenes of Jane's last visions before she left this world. Maria has dreams and knows Jane is with her. Maria will stay close to Jane's family.

The seeds of love are forever present as the chain continues.

Jane has left her legacy of love. It will continue for all eternity.

Jane did get a picture with her camera of the little girl and the devils. Maria gave the pictures to a museum. The pictures to this day laugh and people can see the pictures come' to life.

Maria started to paint and heard Jane speak to her. "Please go to Tenske and spend time with him. He is very sad and alone," Jane finished.

Maria did spend time with Tenske and they got married.

Maria had a <laughter and she named her Jane. Maria considers Jane family and her daughter too has the gift of dream traveling.

One Miracle of Love

# (.Memories faded but relived at the right moment)

Novel Janet Gillooly

Prologue

Her memories of her childhood are gone but, not forever. Gone like the night in a wind storm that never occurred as far as she was concerned. Her memories were fantasy like; beautiful flowers before her eyes and the moon glistened in the night covered by obscurity; like clouds and fog blocking her view of truth. It is not safe for her in this truth but, only fantasy has helped her to survive.

Everyone has had parents like her. Surely everyone has had a dad that is gentle, brilliant, funny and compassionate. A mother who is loving and strong. Had is the key word here for, her parents are not in her sight. She knows not one detail of their love for her, only in her dreams. Life is promising to her as she stays focused on her dreams and refuses the truth like; time ticking on in an hourglass with sand continuing to sprinkle out the path before her.

Truth is not pleasant to her for she refuses the sight, but coddles her fantasies, with much delight. It is time she says to move forward towards love but, she knows not its' color nor smell. It is not in her sight, until she reaches backwards from whence she came. The blindness of the night is upon her. Night is a fear for her and she knows not why. It is hard for her to fall to sleep with all the goblin s, who hold her tight.

Someone loves her but, she knows not who or why. It is a faded memory that holds her tight in the night. One miracle of love has brought her here. Her memories are faded but will be relived at the right moment. It is puzzling to her how life can be so vague and hidden from her, amongs t the immense pain.

Pain is all she has known and even though the memory is faded the final traces have touched her soul. Residue of faded memories have broken and grasped her heart. Those in hell can see much that most do not see. The hell she has lived not many can tell. It would shock anyone, especially her, to actually live in hell and be reborn. The moment of truth will come to her and she will be set free forever.

It is a path of stones and black brush. The thorns are hidden in the night. Do not think one knows all pain nor joy. One body of God joins all lost souls. A path is given and taken to reach a destiny. Guided we all have a part in the puzzle of life.

It is a time of false peace for her but, true peace will come.

Chapter 1

The negative of sin must be first experienced before the virtues can excel. It is a lesson for all but, those who far live in hell to excess, shall be truly joyful when they have survived. There are always exceptions to every rule. It is time for her to sleep.

The nightmares of her sleep are intense but she does not remember them. She has never sought help because she does not know the truth of her life. It is in sleep if she could remember, she would not want to sleep anymore. It will be morning soon and like all mornings she feels ejaculated with joy, but empty. Empty out these memories so she does not have to feel. It is time for sleep.

Sleep child for the dawn is coming.

Maureen Carroll is an artist who knows well that her talent far exceeds most. She could copy Rembrandt and no one would know it was a forgery. She has made some money but she is not famous like her desires. She is still in a deep sleep about her life but will soon awaken for the trials.

She lives in a small town in southern Alabama. She loves the country and does her best work here. She has a house and makes enough money from her paintings to pay the bills. Her bedroom window has a view of the lake where she goes a lot to draw. She is twenty-five years old now and has been living in this house for five years. The rest of her life is vague and she chooses not to remember.

She is not involved with anyone and seems very afraid to get close to people. She has one male friend who visits her from time to time. His name is Timothy Carr and he is a wealthy stockbroker. She hopes to be very wealthy one day soon.

Maureen has twenty acres of land with neighbors very far away. She keeps a couple of rifles just to give her a sense of security. Maureen has two Irish setters named Sabrina and Kelly. She likes her privacy and considers herself very fortunate. She only believes in the moment at hand and does not allow herself to think of the past nor future.

I sit here dreaming of powers I cannot possess. I do not know time in this place for it is a haven to me. I feel very hopeful for my life and liberty. It is a time of true independence for me with no one to tell me how to live.

My talent shall nurture me through the dark but loneliness does not grasp me. I am content in my abode which gives me peace. The many flowers inside and outside of my home provide fragrances to overwhelm me. It is an immense high for me to be a part of nature and at one with it. I would like to know how to talk to it so it yields to my every wishes.

I do not give God much thought but he seems to be here, when I look at the beauty of nature. I do not try to contact the dead as some would do for I would not know who to call upon. Something is calling me or someone bu t I do not know what or who. There is something missing in me but I am afraid to know.

I have always painted faces and scenery but now I feel compelled to paint the dark side of my nature. It is odd but I feel like playing scary classical music before I proceed. My life needs a change and so shall it be.

Productivity to me no matter what I am doing gives me a sense of purpose. I shall walk out into the sunlight and begin my work. The days go so quickly because I really enjoy painting. I do many things but painting is my greatest pleasure.

I have got the music on and violently I paint. I am driven to paint weird scenes but I know not why. The dogs are out roaming the land as I continue to paint.

I am listening to Bach as I paint a troubling scene. There is a woman in a big trashcan with dead babies thrown on top of her. Somehow this scene seems familiar but I do not know why. This painting is one of the best I have ever done. The painting is so realistic and troubling.

I would slow down on my painting today. I was painting four a day but one would have to do for today. For some reason I was exhausted as if I had been emotional for hours. I felt very emotional and frightened as if I had seen a ghost.

I walked on my land till I came upon the dogs. We played and traveled quite far. It was near three p.m. and I decided to feed us all. Timothy would be coming over about seven, bringing pizza and dessert. He always checked up on me as if he felt responsible. He was like an older brother and a guardian angel in one person.

I decided to read until Timothy arrived. I was reading Rebecca by Daphne Du Maurier. I could get lost in a book and never wish to be around anyone. I was lost in another world, educationally enlightened by the talent and creativity of this author'spoetic sense.

Manderly sounded like a wonderful place and my abode here was about as close as I could get for now. Having so many servants in one house I thought might bother me for I would terribly miss my privacy. I did feel a sense of jealousy to be able to live so well.

He quickly smiled as if to cover a deep dark secret. This was the first time I felt he was hiding something from me. I suddenly felt I knew not him nor myself. I wondered if this painting came from my deep buried subconscious.

"You are extraordinarily gifted and I can help you get the pay and recognition that you deserve. People would love this painting. It is strangeness that people find so fascinating. They prefer the unknown to discover hidden secrets," he finished.

"I know with your connections that anything is possible. I will employ myself busily until I have a collection of twenty paintings. I do hope you really like this dark side of life in my painting because this is the direction my art is leading me," I finished.

''It is this path that you are taking that just may make you the

The weeping willow on my property beckoned to possess me and could have me crying all day. The weeping willow was such a beautiful tree, having the talent to bend with the wind. I was a weeping willow but did not have the courage to face my fears.

Timothy arrived and I was ejaculated and feeling very jocular.

"Oh, you seem forlorn as usual," he said.

"I do not know your secret of joy, but when I do you can feel proud," I stated.

"There will come a time of joy for you, that I can be sure of," he exclaimed.

"What have you painted today my dear," he said.

"I do not know if you will like it but come see,'' I proceeded. I saw a look of horror come upon his face when he first spied upon my painting. I had never seen him so shocked, scared and bewildered. It was as if he was afraid I knew something that he knew.

"Good God where has such an inspiration taken you. I do hope you are not losing your mind being alone so much. I did not realize that you and Stephen King were bedfellows," he finished.

He was from England and I learned to talk proper from him. He was very responsible for the excellent education I possessed. People would chuckle when they heard us speaking. We both were involved in various groups and our jobs took us many places.

"Good God sir must I always be so conventional. I need to explore everything to become the best. Do not worry so, for one would think you know this woman in the painting," I finished.

"Let us go outside and drink a few cheers to your definite success. I need to relax before I take a plane to visit my aunt," he finished.

I did not certainly esteem myself to be the greatest. If I could ju st make plenty of dollars and be well liked that would suffice. My uncle Timothy I sometimes called him, was a bit enthusiastic, when it came to my gift. It would be time for both of us to relax, since my work was jus t beginning.

We joked and laughed all night. His hum or always kept me in good spirits and I always felt revived whenever he came for a visit. He was the only comfort I knew with my social circle only consisting of him. I hoped may be I would be ready to expand this social circle in good time.

Night had fallen and I could not sleep right away. I stared at the painting suddenly feeling very queer and sick. I tried to remember my life but I could not remember anything.

What did Uncle Timothy know about my life? I did not wa nt to know. little did I know that eventually I would remember everything.

The dogs lay on my bed besides me and we all fell into a deep sleep. It was about five a.m. that I awoke from a nightmare. I dreamt that I was half wolf and half woman.

The dream was very frightening and it took several minutes for me to slow my heart rate down. The dream seemed so real as if it had some meaning to me. The dogs heard me scream and I had to stop them from barking.

"Hush Sabrina, Hush Kelly," I said. It is okay girls I just had a dream. You are my darling babies. Mommy is alright." I petted them and we kissed each other.

This dream would be my next painting. I am sure this symbolism in the dream has great meaning. It would be great if I could just dream about my next painting. Second thought I have no desire to wake up from another nightmare, such as this one.

I decided to start my day early and may be take a nap later if necessary. It is hard for me to go back to sleep once I am awake.

I walked down the flight of stairs to put on the coffee.

I feel so grateful every day I wake up just to be alive. I feel so proud of my house because I keep it so clean and I did a nice job decorating every room. I love looking out of the window, viewing all my land. This home may be small but it is all mine.

The kitchen is all done in blue, including the shiny blue tile floor. Everything is done in the eighteen hundred time frame. My house is full of antiques. I do not know much about the history of this house but maybe I would do some research. Living in this house makes me feel I am living in a different time.

I have always felt more connected to the dead rather than

the living. May be it is because my connections in this world are so few. I do not have pleasant feelings of people I have known, but yet I can remember nothing.

I have finally escaped from this world, but yet I do not know from who. This vast land stares at me, as if trying to warn me. I feel a sense of impending doom about to come upon me.

Yet, I cannot indulge myself in these feelings. I must busy myself so my mind does not give way to negativity. I enjoy my coffee and ciggs, but must eventually give them up.

I enjoy the peace of the morning before I start my day. It is a time of reflection and a time to plan. I would go to the library to search out information on this house. I would also talk to a real estate agent.

I listen to the music "Conversations with God," while soaking in the bathtub. I wonder if everyone else treasures moments like these. I realize some do not have the time and still others do not have money or luxur y.

I look on the computer and finally after hours of searching I find what I am looking for. The house I live in dates back to the seventeen hundreds. The librarian brings me ten books about the history of this house. I continue to read articles on different families that have lived in this house.

The last woman who lived here was single. She was Catholic and died in my house. Her name was Patricia Lang. I realize that I have no religion and no God.

I have been here for several hours and will have to come back later. These ten books will keep me rather busy. I would first have to do my painting before reading.

I decided to go to the diner to eat lunch, before I start for home. There was a new thrill and purpose for me now. I get this way every time, I find something new to do that interests me.

An older woman about sixty wants to know if she can join me for lunch. I do not know her and I feel a little uneasy. She sits down and begins to talk.

"My name is Alice. What is your name?"

"My name is Maureen."

"I always eat here alone. I thought it would be nice to eat with you. Have you lived here long," she asked. "I have lived here about five years," I said.

''Where are you from?" she asked.

A sudden puzzled look came over my face and I was not prepared to answer. I do not know where I am from I thought. I must say something because she is looking at me oddly.

"Oh, don't worry about answering me. I am just an old nosy woman. I am sorry if I have made you uncomfortable," she said.

''You will have to excuse me, but I am somewhat of a loner. I do not have many friends and I am not use to questions. I am enjoying your company," I said.

"I would love to have you over for dinner. Here is my phone number so you can call. Don't be shy I am quite harmless," she said.

"Thank you it would be nice to have another friend. I will call very soon," I said. She left and I was sitting there wondering where I was from. I did not want to know but yet it was uncomfortable not knowing.

I returned home hearing the phone ring. "Hi my little darling.

I want you to meet Ross Campo who will be willing to sell your paintings at a high price. When can you meet him?" he asked.

"Could I meet him in a couple of weeks? I have a lot to do around the house. Should I dress up for the occasion?" I asked.

"How about the twenty fifth? We will have dinner at his house. He is quite wealthy and even has servants. He is not married my lady." he said.

"I do not need a date right now. I ju st need deneros. Uncle do not worry about my love life," I said.

"My dear someone has to worry about you. It is not healthy for you to avoid honey. It is what makes the world come to life," he said.

"Uncle there will be plenty of time to suck the nectar, but for now I want the money tree. I do not want to be involved . I just want to paint," I said.

"I will leave the subject alone for now. Life is very short and when you grow older it will be easier for you to appreciate this. I will see you soon and do not grow cob webs around your heart," he said.

"I will be fine Uncle. My heart is beating very fast at the thought of more money. "Goodbye Uncle," I said.

I felt very hopeful and grateful for my uncle. It was time to get started on my painting. I was anxious to get to my reading.

The painting was done and I felt very accomplished. My uncle would get more of shock this time seeing my real self. I would now be able to eat, walk the dogs and begin my reading.

The very first family that lived here was also Catholic. It was Mr. and Mrs. John Theodore. The wife's name was Elizabeth. Their boy was named David and their daughter was called Tabatha.

Reading about these descendants of my house kept me very intrigued. I felt their spirits reach out to me from beyond. I felt so connected to them that it was hard for me to put the books down.

Elizabeth was an artist like myself. Her paintings reflected her home the way it was furnished. There were also several paintings of her family. Someone did a portrait of her also. Seeing them for the first time in these paintings added to my affections for them.

I had to go to bed for it was late. There did not seem to be enough time in the day for me. I could not wait to get up and start all over again.

I fell to sleep and did not wake up until eleven a.m. It was a new morning and I was grateful for my privacy. The dogs were anxious for us to take a walk. I fed them and then fed me. I cooked a huge breakfast of eggs, scrapple and grits.

We walked around the lake and I hoped someday that, I would be able to live by the sea like Daphne Du Maurier. Someday I thought I will have several mansions. My dreams were hopeful in becoming reality.

I painted a woman in a cage above hot oil. Where were all these ideas coming from? The woman in the cage was me. This was the second painting of me.

I wanted to know about my life but yet, I did not want to know. The desire to know about my life was becoming stronger. Was the research on this house related?

Suddenly it occurred to me that the real lesson of life was knowing myself and others. I could not sleep anymore safely hiding from myself and possibly God.

I must develop courage and backbone. May be that is what others meant by youth being wasted on the young. I am sure that most others know more than I. It was time for me to grow, learn and explore depth.

Chapter 2

I did not beckon the wind but it blew anyway, hard and for a long time. It was still summer, precisely the month of June, but a storm must be coming. The rain started to pour followed by thunder and lightning. It was nightfall and it was time to sleep.

I tried to sleep when suddenly a memory came back to me.

I was ten years old and I was crying because, my parents were sending me away. I was informed that I would be living with someone else. I could not remember anything else even though, I concentrated for about twenty minutes.

It took me a good two hours to fall to sleep. Sleep was upon me and all descendents of this house. Evil only seems to lurk where there is no faith. Fear can dissipate it if only one can focus on goodness.

The morning came and I was still troubled by my latest memory. Where are my parents? I wondered why they did not love me. I had always wanted to believe there was a good reason why they gave me away.

I did not want to think or feel. I wanted to stay busy and not let my little world suffer disturbance. I felt like a little child clinging to the last ray of sunshine. I wanted safety in Noah's ark, to escape the storm and darkness that was trying to cover me and then I would be no more. The madness of the darkness I feared, was going to possess me and then I would be destroyed.

I was fighting a force and yet it was fighting me. I feel as if I am in a tunnel and must escape. I must leave this house because I feel so claustrophobic.

I called Alice and I was going over to her house for lunch. Her kids are grown and her husband died about ten years ago. It would be us alone enjoying the day.

I must confide in Alice, I thought. It is time that I know the truth. I must trust someone or I will go mad. I do not trust myself but this would have to be rectified.

"I made pirogues with cheese and potatoes. Here is a salad and baked potato. Do you cook much?" she asked.

"I cook a lot but I have never made pirogues. You will have to instruct me on how to cook these. These are so good," I said.

"They are a lot of work, otherwise I would make them more often. I make my own ravioli noodles as well. I cook a lot of Greek food. Do you like Greek food?" she asked.

I do not know that much about it. I am sure you could enlighten me on a lot of things. What hobbies do you have?" I asked.

"I like to sew, cook and read. Movies are a lot of fun. I thought it would be nice to have cake out on the porch when we finish lunch," she said.

"That sounds very nice. I was wondering after we eat if I could talk about serious matters that concern me. I need a friend desperately to talk to," I stated.

''You can talk to me about anything and it will go no further.

We all need a friend we can trust. I do not try to control others and I am very understanding," she finished.

''You seem very easy to get along with, for some people can be nasty and competitive. It seems most want to feel superior, rather than equal. I do not have very good feelings about most peopl e," I emphasized.

''People are like wine, they get better with age. There are usually only a few people we can get close to. Most people are not much interested in progressing in spiritual matters. It requires a great deal of honesty and acceptance," she said.

"I am afraid that honesty about my life will be very difficult. I know I have suffered, but I cannot remember much about my life. I do not have any faith in God," I finished.

"It may take you some time to get honest and find God. It is a process and you are still young. The more you share with me then, it will probably be easier for you to rem ember," she said.

"I felt uncomfortable telling you, where I was from, because I do not remember. I just recently had a recollection of my parents giving me away. I do not remember anything else about my life," I said.

She looked at me with deep concern and compassion. She did not pressure me and she was very accepting of me. I felt that if I had a mother, it would be someone like her.

We talked of many things and she knew it was not time yet, to talk of my life. We kept the conversation light and we laughed a lot. I felt completely safe with her friendship. She did not seem to me judgmental and her gentleness put me at ease. I left her house feeling very cared about and accepted.

I got home and decided I would try to paint. I walked out towards the lake with my painting material and the dogs followed. I wanted this painting to be more exceptional then my other paintings.

I painted a picture of my parents dragging me down the stairs, with me yelling and screaming, that I did not want to leave. This image enraged me and I felt like ripping my painting in shred s. My anger was strong like a lion or monster. I never felt so angry in all my life. How could they discard me like I was garbage or a doll they got tired of playing with. I wish I knew where they were, so I could kill them with words.

It was not right that I should not have parents to love me.

How dare they bring me into the world just to discard me! I will find out the truth just like I am finding out about the descendants of this house.

I did not want to think about this right now. I need to escape my memories, just for tonight. I would busy myself reading the books, the librarian gave to me. I do not want to take the easier softer way to avoid the truth, but not tonight for truth.

The painting was excellent and more realistic then the others.

Would each painting bring reality into clear focus? Would my talent progre ss like a staircase going up or would it be like a dark dungeon I wish to escape going down?

My dogs reminded me of purity, trust, safety and joyfulne ss.

Their innocence reminded me that, it was a sham e we all had to grow up and learn the hurtful ways of the world. I was innocent to this truth of myself, but certainly I could never be innocent again.

My parents robbed me of my innocence but I did not know details. It was a feeling that lay buried deep like; flowers in the snow. I only hoped that this truth would not destroy me nor shatter my heart.

I felt fragile, vulnerable and buried in a heap of garbage, that did not matter. I felt alone sailing on a ship bound for nowhere, wrecked by rocks and then suddenly before I take my final breath, death seems bitter sweet. Death welcomes me more than my parent s ever did and then I sink into oblivion.

Sadness felt safer to me than anger or fear. Sadness in a shock state and not caring anymore about anything was the safest of all. I would find the truth even if I had to grasp for my last breath.

Peace came upon me as soon as I opened my books. There was a married couple who lived here ten years ago. They both were part of the occult. This house is considered to have a long occult history. This is why so much material is available on this house, I thought. The hou se has brought death to many that lived here.

Suddenly fear came over me and I could no longer read. I shut the book fighting back a sense of evil, in the room with me. I mu st talk to someone, but who? I would call Alice and talk to her. I must hear her voice to dispel this darkness.

"Hi Alice it is Maureen." "Hi Maureen how are you?" "I got kinda spooked so I thought I'd call."

"What spooked you?"

"I am reading about the history of this house. It has an occult history longer than my arm."

"That is spooky!" It is only seven. Do you mind if I come over to see the books?"

''Y'es Alice that would be great. I have a chocolate cake that I made."

"I will bring over the pirogues and we can have a feast." "Great I will see you as·soon as you arrive."

I felt relieved and I was hoping she might stay the night. I still felt like all my hairs were standing up. The dogs were a great comfort to me but I needed more than they could provide.

Alice arrived and we ate the feast. Alice chattered incessantly bu t I did not care. We then looked at the books together.

I told Alice about my paintings and Alice started making the connection. A look of horror came over both of us. It was a moment that would never be forgotten by either of us.

''Do you think your parents were part of this occult?" "Oh my God this is the first time I have thought about it?" "So you don't remember ?"

"No I do not even know my parents' names."

"Get your paintings. I want to see them."

I got the paintings and Alice was horrified, but at the same time in awe of my talent. Alice could not get over my great gift. I felt her admiration of my gift and I felt very elated.

"You have great talent!Do you think you are the one who was in a cage above hot oil?"

"I cannot remember."

"May be you would not cooperate with their plan s." ''Alice

could you stay the night?"

''Yes I will."

"Maureen have you thought about praying to Jesus?" "No I never have."

"I strongly urge you to pray with me. It will be easier for you to deal with all of this. It is for your own good." ''Yes Alice I will."

We prayed a couple of hours. I asked the Lord to come into my heart. I felt at peace, strong and powerful. This night was a blessing in disguise.

I showed Alice into the guest bedroom and then the dogs and I retired for the evening. It was the first time I felt truly loved and protected . God loved me and I was his child. I was somebody's child.

Imagine I was royalty with a crown on my head. Jes us loved me and Alice had brought me to him. I would be eternally grateful to her.

I fell to sleep and I dreamt that a man was telling me, I must kill a baby or I would suffer the consequences. I woke up realizing this really happened to me. It was an eerie thought and I lay there shaking, feeling very cold.

I was afraid to go back to sleep. I did not want to wake Alice. Sleep came upon me anyway and this same man put me in a barrel throwing dead babies on top of me. I woke up again.

It felt chilling and oh, how I prayed. I asked Jesus to give me the strength. It was sinister and I walked downstairs to eat cake. I had to take my mind off these dreams and I gave the dogs some cake.

It was six a.m. and I did not want to sleep. I could not wait for Alice to be up. I started to cook a big breakfast for the both of us, just in case she was an early riser.

I was in luck she was up by the time I finished cooking. It was a dreadful night and I told Alice about my dreams. She suggested that she stay with me temporarily, until I learned the whole truth.

I welcomed the idea and she would move in today. I told her about Timothy Carr and she told me to be cautious in talking to him about my discoveries. I decided to take heed and would follow her advice.

She left and I did not want to paint. I did not want to read.

I took a walk with my dogs and decided I would go grocery shopping.

I would make a special dinner for Alice to welcome her. (

I did not want to be alone. I did not want to think. Thoughts were not pleasant nor feelings. I could not find peace. I must not think. I felt myself wishing to be an ameba so I could divide and conquer, not feeling anything.

I decided to fix fried chicken, mashed potatoes and green beans. It wou ld be a pleasant evening and I could feel braver with her as a roommate. I also got lots of candles and flowers. I was thankful to the Lord for Alice.

I must find out the name of my parents. The only way to find out would be to ask Timothy. I would see him soon enough. I

I called a real estate company and was continually referred to other people. Finally I talked to a woman named Sharon Bright and she informed me that, she knew a lot about this house. We agreed we would get together at the end of the week.

This week would be Sharon Bright and next week would be Timothy Carr. I wondered if I had the same last name of my parents. They probably did change my name and hide me away like a very carefully kept dark secret.

I started to cook dinner and felt nervous about my future encounters, but relieved. I could stand anything with Alice and God by my side. It was going to be a special evening and I felt excited.

Dinner was ready and Alice arrived. She was excited about dinner and my company. We talked and laughed. I told her about my appointments and she was very supportive.

We watched the movie, One Hundred and One Dalmatians. My dogs barked throughout the whole movie. They wined and Alice was impressed with their intelligence. The evening was wonderful and we ate an apple pie,that Alice baked.

The evening was perfect and we did not talk seriously. Silliness was the state of our moods. I did not want to sleep.

It was inevitable that I would have to sleep. I was in my bed not wanting to sleep. Dreams were no pleasure for me because it meant remembering. The moon was full and this alarmed me.

I fell to sleep and woke up at nine a.m., not remembering my dreams. Alice was up cooking breakfast. Everything was delicious, including the eggs and pancakes. We all took a walk and then Alice told me I needed to paint.

I painted a woman being raped. It was a woman I felt I knew. It was not me that I was sure of. Her name seemed to be Tess. It was horrifying, but my work was improving. I felt sad and scared.

What next must I remember? How much horror did I live through? Would this never end? My God, how have I lived? Suddenly, I felt very sad. How could God let these things happen to me? Where was God? I wish I had turned to God earlier.

How do people turn evil? What process does it take? What hurtful experiences bring them to an occult? Are they placed there by their parents like I was? These questions were full of answers I did not have.

Evil lurks in the heart of every man. I hope I do not find out that I chose evil. Evil is a life of lies.

Chapter 3

I was nervous about meeting Sharon Bright. She would be over soon and I was afraid to know more of the truth about this house and my life. The deadness of my soul always took to me, but now a joy of God was trying to possess me. How does one give up pain that has become a natural way of life?

Sharon Bright arrived and we sat down to coffee. She showed me numerous pictures of the people who lived here previously. I did not learn much more about this house, since I myself had acquired a lot of information. She told me I could keep everything.

There is one thing however, that was news to me. There is what she called a main house that was considered a sister house to this one. It is called the West Main house and this one is called the East Minor house. The Main house, she told me is ten miles further from this one. She offered to take me there, since no one is living there right now. We could get books on this house as well.

We left to travel to this house of mystery. I was afraid of all the demons I might discover and my own devils. I wondered where my parents were and would my memory ever return. We arrived and now the moment was at hand. I entered the house with her and we explored the house. I was given away when I was ten years old. I walked down the staircase and realized I had walked down these stairs long ago. I told her this is the house where I lived with my parents.

"I do not know my parents' nam es nor really my own," I said

"There are many family portraits here that have never been removed. Let us go and see if you recognize anyone in the portraits. I realize this must be shocking to you," she finished.

"I must face these ghosts of the past or they will forever haunt me. I am ready," I said.

We looked at all the portraits and I recognized my parents in one of the paintings. My mother's name is Rebecca Carr and my father's name is Edward Carr. Timothy Carr is my dad's brother, so he really is my uncle. I thought to mys elf how could he let them do this to me?

Sharon looked at me with much concern and I was speechless. There were books in the library, in the house, so we did research on my relatives. The books informed us that both my parents were sacrificed at a Black mass, devil worshipping upon me.

A memory flashed back at that moment and I was compelled to look into the darkness of my past. I remember kneeling before an altar with chanting echoing loudly and demons appearing before all of us. It seems I would not have sex willingly nor sacrifice babies on the altar. I shrieked and was about to be sacrificed when my uncle came forth snatching me away from a house called Divine Order. I never did return to that house. It seems that I owe my life to Uncle Timothy.

"There are still many memories I do not have," I said. ''Do not worry it will all come at the right time," she said.

She told me we would come back later. If it was not occupied or dangerous we might go to the house where my bondage occurred. I flatly refused but she said she would look into it further.

I went home to Alice, tellin g her of everything. She was not sure if I could trust my uncle. Could I not trust my only friend for years? I thought he is my only living relative, bu t what if he also shed innocent blood?

We were beginning to pray when three ugly demons appeared before us. They were supposedly my spirit guides and trying to return me to my formal life. I now remembered them haunting me many times.

Alice and I prayed fervently. Christ prayed so intense that he shed drops of blood. I felt as if I were trying to shed my skin. I felt like an evil snake that was trying to start over.

The demons finally vanished. We were both shaking and we started to cry. We hugged each other as if there was nothing in this life worth anything, but this present moment.

I was not going to return to a life of demons, but to a life of hope. I would fight for freedom, which was never given to me as a child. I had no choices, but I did have a choice within. I hope that I really did choose life. Christ is to become my life now.

I never heard the word Christ before now. It was a freeing and j oyful word. The only words I ever heard in my childhood were demons and evil. I was subjected to the worst form of abuse.

I want to save all the innocent children, but I know that I am only one that cries out in the night.

My cries will be heard and I will speak out, releasing me from the darkness. I must be healed in order to heal. I cried out in the darkness, as a child, but no one could hear me. I realize now that Christ heard me for, he is my only true friend.

I thought my problems were too big and I could never be released from them.I r ealize now that if I believe, then God is my solution. There is no problem too big for him to solve.

I remember my friend there now and she was raped. I cried out for this violent act to stop, but it did not .the dead babies thrown on top of me in the barrel, was my worst tortu.re. I wanted to die, rather than kill innocent babies. There blood was pouring all over me.

I could not stop the blood nor my tears of horror and sadness. If I could kill those who have done this, then I thought I would have been free. I still hate my parents for bringing me into this evil occult.

Peace was far from me and the victims that this occult had chosen. Some are not born equal into this world. Pain is inflicted and considered a joy to those inflicting. Was I not born to be loved and to love? Fairness is not a world I was brought into.

I sat there in deep pain, thinking of the mem ories that would never fade and new memories of the past that I wanted to forget. I was not raped nor hurt physically. I was spared a great deal it seems, but others were not. \Were the victims now the evilness, that they were afraid of. I must find out the truth of their prisoners.

Alice and I fell to sleep. It was deep sleep and for just a short time I could escape the madne ss. I would awaken again with more questions than I had answers for.

Alice and I would be meeting Sharon Bright today. We ate breakfast but I moved around as if I were a zombie, oblivious to feelings. I had no energy or strength . Alice was concerned that I should not tire myself, but I knew I could not give up.

I must know every bit of truth. Lies have I always eaten. I could not stomach one more lie or not to know every bit of truth. Truth is not always pleasant, but illusion is sickness and pain. Illusion prevents healing and if one is afraid of healing, then one will surely die.

Death is all I have lived. It is my whole life and existence. Suffering took to me like an addiction that knows not its way in the light. I must break free into the light and finally have the courage to live.

God did not intend for me to remain in pain. He wants joy for my life, but I must be willing to accept his gift of true healing. True healing is true peace. Even if I not matter to anyone, I still matter to God. God is my only strength, for without him now, I would surely die.

God brings about change which is best for everyone. I must reach within and call out to God. Even if I have no strength to call out to him, he will hold me in his arms.

I will fight for my right to life. His light will save me, even if I be hated and considered vile. I have a right to joy for it is my inheritance from God. No one is my judge but him and he is not here to condemn me but to heal me.

My wounds I do carry and they are my burden. He will free me from them. I know it will take time for me to let go of them, but I must first walk through the valley of evil. I must return to my past, before I start my future. We met Sharon at her hou se. She said that no one lives in the Divine Order house. She asked me if I th ought I was ready to face my memories. I informed her that I was. We left to go to the house of hell, where I am from.

My childhood is a living nightmare but now I would find out everything. It was as if I was someone else. I did not feel connected to my life or myself.

We arrived and explored the house. There was no evidence of a cage over hot oil, which they put me in, to persuade me to become one of them. There were no dead babies and no altar. I looked at every inch of the house hoping memories would stir.

No memories came to me, but Sharon said it would take lots of visits. We went to the library, in the house and looked at the books. Sharon was going through pictures of people, who lived in this house. Suddenly, I saw a picture of somebody I knew.

"That is her," I cried. "She is the one who I saw being raped." Sharon said she was sacrificed on the altar. The words rang out in my ear that she was dead.

This could of have been me I thought. This girl is dead. She has no chance to see joy in this world. She will never love or be loved. I started to cry and scream. I started to throw everything around in the room. I broke a chair in half and sent it flying into the mirror. The mirror cracked and glass fell all around me.

Sharon and Alice ran towards me and tried to stop my rampage. I did not want to stop and did not want comfort. They forced me to sit down but did it with love. I could not stop crying for all the dead here and forsaken. Why must blood be sacrificed?

Why was I saved?

I wanted to smoke until there was no life left in me. I walked off out of the house to smoke. "Ciggs" are the only friend that has always been there for me, but it seems my friends in the past were there to hurt me.

I knew new friends now that were happy and optimistic. Sharon and Alice were my friends. Uncle Tim is still a mystery. God has lifted me up.

I wanted to cry until there were no tears left for me to shed. I wanted to scream so others could hear my torment. I could not take anymore today. I would sleep and gather new strength.

We left the house and Alice fixed dinner. We watched t.v. and no more was said about the house. \We tried to laugh and joke but the attempt was feeble.

Alice looked drained and I felt bad for her being dragged into this nightmare. She was such a good friend and her heart was huge. I started to try to thank her.

''Alice I am so sorry for causing you trouble," I said. "Do not suffer any guilt. I want to help you. I am not sorry for being your friend," she said.

"This is too much for you Alice." I said.

"No it is not. I have seen my share of troubles. Do not vex yourself." she said.

"I cannot help it. It is unbearable to inflict my pain on you. I wish you could take a vacation," I said.

"I don't need a vacation. I need you to get some rest.

Everything is temporary. We will get through this together," she exclaimed.

"I am just worried that at your age you are taking on too much ," I said.

"I am only sixty years old. I am not over the hill yet. Stop your foolishness and go to sleep," she said.

"Okay I'll go to bed. Thank you for being such a good friend. I will never forget your kindness," I finished.

"Giving and taking are equal in my sight. I do not count one greater than the other. We are all in this world together. Giving is a gain to me, not a loss," she said.

I was in my bedroom trying to sleep. I was very tired but I could not close my eyes. I kept thinking about the turn of events. I will be seeing my uncle soon and more answers will be revealed.

It was hard to believe that many died in that house, while here I live. I wondered where the evilness lurked now that the house was vacant . It was hard to think about Tom Price, the leader of the devil worshippers. He was evil and sinister now that I remember him.

"What did you learn about that movie," she asked.

"I did not like the fact that the husband put her away in an institution ," I said.

"Yes it was very awful of him," she said.

"He could not handle her pain. She was tormented by things of the past. It is a shame she could not find Christ," I said.

"People do not know freedom is there for them. They choose to die because they think they do not deserve life," she said.

"Life is Christ," I said.

"Yes life is Christ. Choices either bring us pain or joy. We can overcome anything and try again. God gives us another chance each time we wake up to a new day," she said.

"I feel that I have been given another life. I want to always have you as a friend. It is a shame that some do not know of real love," I said.

"God calls all his children and sends angels to comfort and guide all. All are equal in his sight. We will be in heaven someday, where everyone will be singing with joy," she said.

He use to laugh at me, because I would not use the power given to me to do evil. Anyone who was under him was promised power, wealth and fame. My only aim was freedom.

I remember now, that one night, I cried out to God to free me. It was the first and last prayer I said. I never believed there was a God who cared for me.

No one cared for me so why would God care. He wanted me to suffer and never escape. He was punishing me, I thought because I was bad. I thought I must be bad to be treated so.

I realize now that this was not so. The traces of sadness will never leave my soul, but may be a true joy will give me peace. I must go to sleep.

We woke up and Alice suggested that we go see a movie.

We saw a movie and then got dinner at a restaurant. It was a wonderful light and trouble free night for that instant.

"I do love Mexican food," she said.

"Me too Alice, It is delicious. I could eat a bunch tonight," I said.
Chapter 4

I was in the company of Ross Campo and my uncle Timothy Carr. I did not intend to divulge anything to my uncle at this time of my recent memories. Alice had suggested that I go see a hypnotist and I was horror-struck at the idea.

"I have looked so forward to meeting you. Your uncle raves at your talent and my sentiments are the same. You have a great future ahead and do not let anyone deter you from your art," he seriously stated.

"Thank you it is nice to have your support. Your house is grand and I would love a tour. I am very fortunate that my uncle is so devoted to me," I said.

Ross proceede d to give us a tour. The enormity of the mansion was vast and one could get lost in it, like a maze of my memories. He was quite handsome but I could not imagine his virtues, would excel his beauty.

The room I was most in awe of was the art museum room. He had collections of art from all over and many greats bedecked his walls. I felt intimidated by his wealth and good looks.

I was in grave shock, when I noticed that some of my paintings were part of his collection. He noticed my shy and embarrassed look. I felt like I was a child seeing life for the first time. ''My dear you will have to get comfortable with your work being displayed. Once you have wealth it will not seem to you such a great magnitude of unbelief and shock. Wealth is a fantasy many have but once you have it, the weight of it is not a fantasy," he said.

We had so much food to devour at dinner and the many choices could not be verbalized. If I were to describe the excited feelings I had but yet estranged, people would wonder at my casual acceptance of this wealthy man. I was casual but yet so out of place.

I felt like a fish taken out of the pond and placed into a salty ocean. I felt like I would be crushed and the salt would burn my skin. How could I possibly be comfortable and happy after such a long and perilous journey. We talked business after dinner and suddenly I felt nervous

about success. He asked me to come again so we could discuss business further. My uncle and I departed, with the hope of another visit.

My uncle left me in a hurry on business. I was driving along thinking how attracted I was to this man, but yet scared to death. I did not like getting my hopes too excited, because safeness hugged me like a warm embrace. Safeness was calm and no passion could petrude my peace.

I was thankful that I did not have to be alone with my uncle. I did not know what I would say and it was too soon to trust. I only trusted Sharon and Alice. I could not wait to tell Alice about the whole evening.

Alice was thrilled about my night, but insisted I make an appointment with a hypnotist. I agreed to look into it tomorrow. I went to bed not knowing exactly how I should be feeling.

I had an appointment with a Dr. Joe Brent, who had an excellent reputation as a psychiatrist and specialized in the supernatural and victims of satanic practices. Alice agreed to go with me at such a traumatic time. I was to explore my mind which seemed to me the most dangerous of all our organs.

Dr. Brent greeted me and I was guided along the hallways into his office. I felt as if hell were going to open its doors to me and I would forever burn, with no escape. He insisted I call him Joe and I knew he was a Christian, as advertised,

We talked awhile, him taking notes on my history. I felt relaxed around him and I was not so ner vous now. We had an appointment that would last two hours.

The first hour sped by and he told me he wanted to hypnotize me in our first session. I told him I was afraid of giving my control to someone else. He informed me that it was ultimately in God's hands.

I trusted him and he began the process. I fell so deep and I could hear his voice gently speak. I could hear him tell me to go back to my first memory as a child.

That was then when I awoke and walked down the hallway seeking my motl1er. It was about three a.m. and I wanted not to be alone. I came to her room but her and my father were not there.

I felt a sense of panic come over me and I was desperate to find my parents. I heard strange noises coming from the basement. I felt compelled to go there, for I could not believe my parents evil. The walk seemed slow and my fear was climbing.

I heard a scream and ran towards it, afraid my parents were in danger. The scream came from my sister Eloise and she was ten years old. They were forcing her to have sex with my father. The act horrified me and I stood watching like a frozen statue. The sight killed me by inches.

They next proceeded to butcher her with a knife and I had to stifle my screams. I ran towards my room quickly and all this time I thought my sister had been sent away. I was screaming frantically and my doctor brought me out of my unbearable state.

I had lost all memories of even having a sister. This nightmare had me whaling bitterly. The doctor held me and his shirt was drenched from my flood of tears.

"I h ave never known someone who has suffered so. I have seen a lot of pain and horror but I believe your pain to start so early, means a lot more pain to uncover. We will take this process slowly, because it will be overbearing to your sanity," he cried sympathetically.

Alice drove me home and I went to bed. I stayed asleep for ten hours. I awoke feeling drained of every drop of blood. I sat there not wanting to move. I did not want to see Alice. I wish she would go home I thought.

What dread this whole life. Heaven seemed so inviting instead of my memories. My memories are paved with sadness and hatred. I could hate forever and never know true love.

How could one be in touch with the Lord in his fullness, with such blocks of murky seas? My mind was like a cave of darkness, with no fire to light my way. \What could food do for me except to prolong my life?

My heart was crushed it seemed beyond repair. My mind was a prison, wanting to be released from it, so I could fly away. Flight seemed so wanting yet one could not escape.

Death was begging me to join him, but God was not ready for me. Death never comes to those who are desperate for it, only to those who do not want to embrace it. A better life seemed like a dream. How can I ever dwell on my defects, if I am constantly reminded of those other than me?

I was but a child stripped of love. Stripped of respect and

only pain induced me to a mass of sickness. Confusion was all around me, but I could not see the forest, for the trees. What was it about me that I cannot see my choices. I cannot even imagine freedom or happiness.

I was so young to see the shadows, not the joy of Walt Disney for most little children. There must be something so wrong with me to be born in such a family and be aware of evilness so soon. I imagine that God must think my stupidity beyond belief.

\'W'hat did I care about the sunshine? What was a nice stroll in the park to me? I wanted the sun to turn black and hear my tormentors scream . Oh, but not just this torment but years of pain, silent pain that no one had sympathy for and could not understand.

Keep going they say no matter what. Do your chores and forget about the madness in your mind. Drugs did not induce me, like so many others but, trials of extreme degree.

I was to keep going, like a dog that does not try to make sense out of things. I was to be a robot, with no feelings that were worth anything. I should certainly not trouble anyone or they might put a great distance between us.

Some just eat their cereal and keep life very simple. They do not care to think and have a blind trust, like a bird that takes to flight. Was I not like this bird, blind to my memories?

I do not think God intended me to live my life with regret, but to move forward full of hope. How can some be so pain free and do not know torment, until they have exhausted everyone? Some will not be chastised here, so I should be thankful for this mercy.

Healing is like a bouncin g ball, back and forth, it moves towards a divine goal. If only I could land on the positive but I cannot expect healing overnight. Most do wish for instant change.

I cannot expect to be built in a day. Nights are long and days must come. Oh, if only the sun would tum red, and drop to destroy this mad world. A soft whispering voice comes to me and says ''Your joy will come, so do not give up hope."

Alice insists on me eating something. I go down with her in a lacking spirit. I find Alice brings me out of my melancholy with ease.

"I know this time is hard for you. It will not be easy, but you must be thankful for what you have. You will be given a lot so do not be in despair," she said quietly.

''.Alice it is just very hard for me to keep going. I am thankful for you. God is really trying to help me," I said. "May be you should keep a diary of your life. It has proved to be very useful to me. I am sure it would bring you healing," she said.

"I cannot write my feelings very easily. Writing is certainly not a talent for me nor do words come easily for me. I ju st want to hide," I said.

''You cannot hide. Hiding has only prolonged your pain. Pain is a cross that must be embraced in order to be free from it," she said. "Christ suffered much but his j oy was ultimate . He does not free us from pain, but uses it to help us obtain holiness. He wants us in his image," Alice said.

"I should be full of character, when this is all over. I would like to hear more about your life. I am so tiered of mine," said I.

"My life has been what all lives usually are. I have tasted joy and pain . Pain that would have been unbearable if it were not for Christ and Mary," Alice said.

Alice did not want to talk about her life. We had dinner and took the dogs for a walk. We spent the evening reading.

Ross called and he began to speak. "I would like it if you could come over to see me. I would be glad to pick you up. It is only eight p.m. so the evening is still young," he said.

"That would be nice," said I.

"I will be over shortly," he said.

I hung up the phone and told Alice of my plans. She was

happy to see me smiling. It would be a pleasant escape I thought.

We arrived at his estate and he suggested that we sit out in the garden. He had his servant bring us drinks. I was drinking a Tom Collins and feeling very happy. He preferred whiskey and I felt a tease.

This garden and all nature kept me at peace. The garden was full of bright colors and the odors, gave me a sense of pleasure, like that of making love. I was still a virgin, but not really wanting to be.

We kissed and I felt on fire for more. His kisses were tender, but passionate. His fingers roamed my body and I felt feelings unknown to me before .

I did not want to stop. I did not want to be a good girl. It seemed he did not want to stop either.

He unbuttoned my blouse and touched my breasts with hunger. I cringed with a desperate hunger and began to stroke his hair. He hungrily sucked my nipples and my legs were wrapped around him. We took our clothes off and embraced each other tightly.

He roamed every inch of my body and for the first ti.me I felt alive. His body I touched and kissed with passion. He said I was beautiful and then I felt his hard muscle inside me.

He looked at me in disbelief, when realizing I was a virgin. This fact encouraged him to rock me harder, back and forth. He was a gentle lover and my pleasure soon joined his.

I wanted to be like this forever. We kissed and kissed as if it would never end. Even when we had climaxed, the kissing was still passionate. We kissed and the smell of the flowers gave me a high. We were laying on the grass but we did not care. We held each other close and kissed till we fell to sleep.

We talked of many things but we mostly talked of art. He asked if I would paint him. I told him I was not much on doing portraits, but I would try. We confirmed that I would start early in the morning. I was not drunk but glowing.We laughed and joked with the same pleasure, that of my uncle's visits.
Chapter 5

'We have an important spiritual purpose," she said.

It was about eight in the morning when Ross and I awoke.

The sun was fading in and out. It could not make up its mind , neither could I decide if I should feel guilty about a magnificent night Art nor books could paint the feelings of love, I felt nor could an artist paint this garden.

We gathered our clothes, putting them on and then he informed me of some busines s he must attend to. He would ring me, when he could get together with me again for his portrait. I was relieved in a way to get home to Alice so she would not worry, but on the other hand I felt deeply rejected by his hurry to get rid of me.

Alice was glad to see me when I arrived home. She was making raspberry tarts but I was ready for bed. I told her I needed to get a nap and she under stood. I awoke feeling very refreshed and ready to start my painting.

I ate lunch and dessert with Alice, then took off towards the pond. Painting gave me a chance to express my deep-seated feelings like nothing else.

I painted Ross in the garden. His face I enlarged and I did not think I could paint him in a better likeness. I wonder ed what business of his could be so important.

I decided to paint my sister Eloise. The face was done, but her face stared at me, as if she were trying to tell me something, from beyond the grave. Her face I painted with a sad and tortuous look.

A memory came back to me of Eloise and I talking. This conversation occurred four days before her death. She had brightness and hope of becoming an actress.

"My dear Maureen you are my favorite in the whole world.

I will become an actress and take care of you. We will never marry you know, for a spirit told me so," she said.

'What kind of spirit?" I asked.

"A spirit called four," she said.

"I did not know someone could have the name of a number?" I asked.

'Well that is what he told me. He says you and I have important callings," she said.

'What are callings," I asked.

"Does that mean a job," I asked.

"Yes but it is a really important job," she said.

"What are our jobs," I asked.

"The spirit told me that I will make a great sacrifice for my sister. I will probably become an actress and take care of you. The spirit told me that your virginity is very important and must be preserved for a great purpose," she said.

"What is virginity," I asked.

"It is your pure heart I think. I do not know exactly. He said some words to me about sex, but I do not know what that is and I was afraid to ask," she said.

'Why were you afraid to ask," I asked.

"He is a very nice spirit but he was a little scary," she said. "He told me his name has great meaning and this was the answer to all my questions. He would not tell me anymore. He said

I was too young to be told," she said.

"I wish I were grown up. I want to be a painter and take care of myself. One time I saw an angel, who told me he would always protect me," I said.

'What kind of angel," she asked.

"He said his name was Gabriel," I said.

"Numb er four told me your purpose was the most important. I did not feel hurt. You have always been special to me," she said.

"I don't want to do anything but paint," I said.

That was the last time I talked to my sister. What did all this mean? I certainly was no virgin anymore.

I felt so sad and wondered why my sister had to die for me. This was all so scary to me. Was it the same Gabriel who appeared before Mary?

My mem ories seemed hazy and I did not know what was real. Then why did they force me to have sex? Then suddenly memorie s flashed before my eyes. They did not force me to have sex, but only wanted me to kill others. They would not allow anyone to have sex with me.

I must know what the number four means. I wonder if I am still in danger? Who is really my friend?

Trust once tried over and over leaves one to appreciate the fickleness of human beings. Their folly is master over their virtues. Is there anyone I thought who even came close to imitating the master?

Dying I thought is easier for some. Temptation hides its fangs, waiting for the right moment, when all is still or when arrogance is in such high degree, that one must surely come down from their throne.

What was I to think of this nightmare? I started to pray the rosary and meditate in the silence of God. I felt my weight lift like a butterfly free to fly.

I closed my eyes and prayed for a desire to love Christ

more than myself. I saw a hand reach up to a circle and then when I

spoke in tongues, I saw two hands reach up to the circle.

My peace was still and quiet but yet powerful. The presence of God was strong and when I echoed his name, a spiritual touch of God's hand touched me, like a chill running up one's spine, after hearing a song. This was a touch beyond words. I believe they call it a quickening.

I knew these consolations were to give me strength to deal

with the enemy. Being in touch with the saints and angels is like, being in touch with one's higher mind . Mary the most powerful of all saints wa s a heart and power beyond anything.

I would search for more answers. God's power was calling me strongly. I was afraid but yet felt a sense of completeness.

Alice and I talked of my memories. We both agreed to go see Sharon Bright. She was anxious to hear of my new mem ories.

We three had dinner at her house. We talked seriously but also joked and laughed. She said that some monks were interested in meeting me and wanted us to pray together.

We arrived at the monastery and the Trappist monks, were glad to see us. The monastery was hidden far from view and few knew of their location. We chanted the Gregorian songs, that were a sweet melody and the harmony was powerful, in bringing one into the presence of God.

They wanted me to come and pray with them every night if I could. I was honored in a way I never thought possible. They were very interested in my story and art.

They gave us a tour and I never saw rooms so peaceful. We all ate dinner together and laughed heartily. One monk whose name was Thomas asked if he could speak alone with me.

We walked along the rows and rows of gardens and there were benche s there to sit and meditate. The monastery was a huge old building that had been there since the fourteen hundreds. It of course had been restored in places, when something so old, could not withstand the wearing of time.

We sat down and Thomas looked at me with a knowing look. I felt a connection with him,that I never felt with anyone again. I felt as if I had known him in another life.

It was a connection of friendship, love and a spirit that could look inside my soul and know my depth. He was a spiritual light that radiated with power and assurance. His eyes gave one a feeling that you could do anything. If he told me he could walk on water, then I would believe him.

He took my hand, held it gently in his and kissed it tenderly and it was not intrusive. This action was as natural as the sun shining. It was as if I was returning home after a long journey.

Tom was handsome but not shockingly comely. His eyes were a fiery green and one could not stop staring at him. Everything about his appearance was perfectly set in the right proportions.

Ross was more handsome but his spirit could not match that of Thomas. Thomas looked at me as if we were lovers, reuniting after a terrible long separation. He looked deep into my eyes, my soul, to such a penetrating depth, that I had not realized my power nor influence.

He looked at me as if trying to tell me I had all the answers. His gaze gave one the impression, that he had all the answers. One had only to tap into his power and be one with his knowledge.

His eyes had a power that one might have seen in Jesus, when he walked the earth. His company was what one treasured and never wished to leave his side. It seemed he had more to say, when he said nothing at all.

"I have dreamed about you. You must continue to pray here. Your answers are within these walls," he said.

''.Are my answers going to be hard to hear? Will they touch me sweetly, like you do me? Do I know you," I asked.

"You know me better than anyone. You must gain your memories for it is all we have to prove that we have lived. I cannot tell you much right now," he said.

"Why can you not tell me everything? Must I struggle alone? Do I know you in this life or another?" I asked.

''Your answers lie in your dreams. Your prayers, will stir your soul. In stirring your soul, you will remember what is most important. Psychic gifts will improve prayers. You also experience deja vu," he said.

''Why does life have to be riddles? Why can it not be revealed to me now? Do you enjoy toying with me?" I asked.

"I have to follow the guidance of the Almighty and he does not reveal everything all at once. Itis his way to give us more to look forward to. I will tell you of one of my dreams," he said.

"My dream of you is of a very spiritual nature. You are running away from an ocean and start to run towards the pond. I am sitting there waiting for you. We make love and become one in every sense," he said.

He continues to narrate his dream to me. ''We have known each other before, but neither of us know from where. God leaves this a mystery and then I must leave you. You do not want to go but a force picks you up and carries you back to the ocean," he said.

"Oh, this sounds like mumbo jumbo. This dream does not mean anything. Again I say you are toying with me," I said.

"I could not toy with my flesh and blood. You are in my heart day and night. My life does not come to fullness, until I am with you," he said.

"I do not know you nor have I dreamed of you. You are mad and have been in this wreckage too long. Isolation does not seem to be your forte," I said.

"I do not expect you to remember. I have said too much already. You know I speak the truth with all my heart. You must feel it," he said.

"Since when can I base facts on my feelings. I feel bonded with you, but even this I do not trust. Who is there to trust in except God?" I asked.

''You fight the memories of our love because it was not obtainable. It may well be now that we can be together. You must stop fighting your memories or you will remain in limbo," he said. "Limbo," I cried. ''You have the key to my memories but yet you flatly refuse to awaken them. You are mad and I believe you deranged," I angrily retorted.

"I have the key to your heart. You must accept this key or no answers will be given you. I will help all that is allowed," he said. "God does not allow you to free a lost soul, who has been battered beyond belief? My hopes have been crushed in more ways, then any song could sing and dashed into pieces. My mind and heart are bitterly burning in the fires of hell and yet you have no words to give me," I violently raised my voice.

"Does anger not what I feel to be so long separated from you. Sometimes I feel God has forsaken me to a pit of eternal damnation. You blame me for something to do with destiny," he angrily answered.

"Destiny has taken me away from love? You cannot be with me but yet you cannot say why? I do not remember you, but yet I remember your spirit? I have never known such agony to be denied love. What is this world to me without it," I despairingly asked.

"I do not know a soul so deep and attractive. Can I interfere in God's plan? Oh, if I but had the power to make time stand still, when I am with you. My passion for you is painful beyond all reckoning," he cried.

We wept and held each other tightly. He knew more and I knew his pain must be greater. I knew nothing and yet I felt my pain was greater still.

Chapter 6

I lay in bed at night, with the full moon shining bright , as I long to be alone, with my thoughts. I did not want to leave the mon astery, which had a strong attraction to me. It was a place of solitude and a place, which invited one to stay close to God.

The monk I am in love with is my very being. I have always had the gift, to wear other faces, especially after seeing a movie. I become the main character, wearing what they look like physically.

It is not unusual for me to, live out other lives, in my mind and become very understanding of their nature. Even though it is impossible, to be in another's shoes,I get close to the heart of things.

I do not know what lies beyond, but I do hope this is my final terror, here on earth.I must know the answers of my life, but mostly I must know God's spirit. The ultimate truth of myself, surely lives in the divine heart.

I must know the truth of my uncle and the monk. The horror of my life is still like a bad dream, only this time it will not be over, when I awake. I sometimes do not know, what living here on earth serves, nor if there is a point to madness. I only know a force, compels me to move forward. My spiritual nature, has a desire to solve mys teries.

Stillness is wonderful at night, until fear grips me. Then the night becomes long and bitter. Suddenly I felt a powerful jolt to my body.

I look down at my delicate shell and realize I am out of my body. My body is on the bed in a deep sleep. The woman in the bed seems a stranger to me, as if I had been given the wrong body.

I travel through the ceiling and then into space. The stars are beautiful to behold and the planets are magnificent. Then as suddenly as I go up I come down. I would never believe someone could travel back in time, until I experienced it. I was back in time, to when I was a child. The memories of my whole life flash before me.

In this experience I realize that my uncle Timothy, was never a part of my parents wickedness. He almost found out about my torture too late. I could at least love him without reserve.

I realized that the number four, meant unity in spirit, in the heavenly realms, but in the darkness it meant the formation of the Anti-Christ. Their plan to use me, as their vessel failed miserably.

God was truly bringing me out of the pits of hell and I would never return.

I thought my tortu re would soon be over, but I was mistaken. I must find all who dwelt in the Divine Order hou se. I would only do this, if I felt it were God's will.

Thomas the monk, was to be my husband in this diabolical plot, but he had escaped also. Uncle Timothy hid him away in the mona stery, a holy place, forbidden entry by my enemies. We had been a safe net for each other at this critical time.

It seems to me that God provides all of us, with someone to love, among a den of thieves. My Uncle Timothy wanted to protect me from the memories. Thomas stayed away, afraid to hurt me.

I wondered if I were still in danger. Was Thomas still in danger? I would not let this stop me from being with my soul mate. I would ratl1er die, then to live without love.

I now knew all the truth about the days that have passed and now I was not afraid. I would not look for ghosts. I would try to start a life with Thomas.

I returned to my body and fell into a deep sleep. The next mornin g I told Alice everything. I then called Sharon Bright and informed her of everything. I then called Uncle Timothy and told him Thomas and I would be together. Uncle Timothy was scared for me, but I told him the hell was over. I left for the monastery and Thomas was overjoyed to see me. He wanted us to get married right away. We had a private ceremony in the mona stery. Then we left to live in a home he had kept for us. He did not want me to share our marriage with anyone, until he felt safe about it.

I did not know why my friends and uncle could not know, but I enj oyed the privacy of it all. I called Alice to tell her, she could return to her home. She wan ted to know when I would return and I sneakily replied soon.

I cannot describe the happiness I felt belonging to someone. The days were heaven and I was finally home. I wanted children and Thomas wanted them too. He wanted me to continue my art work and he would work construction jobs to support us.

I finally after a few weeks called Alice, Sharon and Uncle Timothy to inform them of our marital bliss. Thomas felt un easy in me telling anyone and I told him we were out of danger. We could finally lead a normal life, like everyone else.

I talked to my uncle a week later and he said Ross Campo was very disappointed, in me getting married. My uncle said I broke his heart and I told him men like that break hearts. He told me Ross wanted to see me soon to discuss business.

I was not crazy doing bu siness ·with Ross, since I slept with him. Thomas was not crazy about it either, but he was not jealous. He wanted me to be successful, but he did not think bu siness and pleasure mixed very well.

Thomas was so sure about us that he was not afraid. I felt the same trust towards him, but it would of been nice if he could of been a little jealous . Alice told me men try to hide such feelings.

Alice came to visit often. Sharon stopped by now and tl1en, but eventually I lost contact with her. Uncle Timothy was a constant presence in my life. I was grateful to have three people I love very much.

Our hou se had four bed room s and two complete bathr ooms. We were surrounded by water and beautiful land, which was very private. I sold my house and glad to be rid of it. I did not wa nt to raise children, in a house with so many hauntin g memories.

My dogs of course were a part of our family. They were outside a lot, more then inside. N ow and then the happiness was so great, that the idea of losing everything made me shutter.

\We have been married for four weeks now. I would soon see Ross and would have to find a way to get my uncle to deal with him. I was not going to see Ross on a regular basis.

I have not had my period. I go see the doctor today. I dohope I have a son. The pregnancy test comes back positive and the doctor informs me I am six weeks pregn ant. He looks at me and wonders why I am not happy. I tell him I am in shock and leave his office.

This cannot be. It is Ross's baby. Oh, God how am I going to tell Thomas. I do not want to be a part of Ross's life. If I had only not sinned. I did not want my life to be complicated.

What will become of my precious baby? How will Thomas bear this? Why does self-pity and desperation have to ruin so many lives? My fear of being alone, has cost me much.

"Thoma s I have bad news, I said. "What is wrong?" he said.

"I am pregnant and it is Ross's baby," I said. "Don't worry everything will be okay," he said.

"How can you say that?" I asked. "The baby is a part of you," he said.

I felt his love and it washed over my guilt and fear. He was like Christ, accepting me with a tenderness, and forgiveness which was his generous gift to me. Christ knows reaching his ideal, is far from our grasp. Many who are self-righteous are hypocrites and have not been truly tempted. The walk with Christ, is sometimes like being tossed back and forth in a rocky boat.

I try to imitate Christ, but I am like a worm, waiting to become a butterfly.The closer I get to Christ, the more I see my sins. I can not live in illusion, even though it seems comforting.

God died for us so when we sin, he has given us freedom in place of death. Many never forgive and punish you, for the same faults they have. People cannot accept that others can change, just like them.

When someone discovers God and forms a prayer life, they think no one else can know the secrets of God. It is like a teenager, who thinks they know everything and their parents know nothing. When someone discovers something, they want to teach everyone, but in truth they need the teaching.

I told Alice and she said Ross does not need to know. I informed my uncle and told him I could not see Ross right now. He under stood and would smooth things over for a few weeks.

Thomas and I prayed together and asked God for strength and guidance. Acceptance seemed to come easier to Thomas, then to myself. I was hurting very much and could not talk to anyone.

People mean well but I did not need useless words. I could only be with God, but I found it hard to talk to him.

When you are born , words are not formed and when you die words seem inadequate. When I was a prisoner, they would constantly argue with my opinions, as if I knew nothing and my opinions did not count. I felt angered and I vowed seclusion would be my life. If someone shines brighter, they are either liked or scorned. I would not waste my time any longer, dealing with people who liketo fight.

This world is like a large family, filled with siblings, trying to fight for their position . The closer you get, the more will the hurt burn. If I have one hand filled with friends, then I can count mys elf blessed.

It is not that I do not see the positive, but it gets lost, among the biting words. In heaven we will all be true family. No one will judge, because God will humble us all.

No words will be necessary in heaven, because God will be the word. Our tongues will sing joy and praise. We will talk with our minds and there will be no lack of understanding.

We will speak words of love and our knowledge will be complete. We will all be equal. True equality will be for all. In this world equal is an ideal.

I am five months pregnant now. I am starting to get excited and impatient. We have completed the nursery and Thomas is like a little boy. Aren't all men boys, but then are not women little girls.

I saw Ross a month later, after my uncle smoothed things over. Our meeting went well and Ross was very happy for me. He hoped he would find a love, like I have found.

He liked the portrait I did of him . He bought my other twenty paintings. He said he would like a painting of my baby, when the little creature was born.

I never told this to Thomas or anyone, because I thought it was in my mind. I thought it was due to the remnants of my past and hormonal changes. I was tired a lot. A few times at night before I fell to sleep I heard things.

I heard an evil voice speak to me, but I do not remember the words. I heard evil chancing outside my bedr oom. I felt like evil was trying to cease my prayful devotion s. One time I heard my name called out, but there was on one there. I looked around the house that day, so I knew there was not one. The voice came from outside myself, and this voice was not evil. It called my name as if to show me my future. The evil voice at night was inside my brain, but it was not me. The words were not planned by me and startled me.

I did not really take any of this seriously. Many people have spiritual experiences and sometimes sense an evil presence . Another night I felt th e presence of evil and my animals looked frightened. Animals see so much more then us and those who pray, develop a sixth sense or a third eye.

Every thought I do not want to share. These thoughts can only be shared with God. I sometimes just need to be alone, even a break from God. I collect my thoughts, like a dream catcher, which dispels nightmare s.

Thomas wants us to take trips together. I can only think of sleeping. I wish Thoma s had to carry this baby.

The day has finally arrived. I am ready to give birth. Now I will have to diet all over again.

There he was my baby boy. I would call him David Michael Hoolihan. I would teach him about God.

Two days later I wake up with Thomas crying. The nurse is frantically pacing. The doctor looks like he saw a ghost.

''Where is my baby?" I cried. "Someone has stolen him," the nurse sighs. ''Who?" I screamed. "No one saw anything," the doctor replies. Thomas tries to calm me down. The doctor gives me a shot of something to calm me down.

A week later we return home with no baby. We are exhausted talking to the police and reporters. I lay down and Thomas holds me. I felt like someone had killed my baby, Thomas and me.

Thomas was just as puzzled as I was. Who could have taken our baby? We lay there silent.

I stayed in bed for a week. Thomas stayed at home with me. I could not bear life. Thomas told me I could not stay in bed forever.

Alice and Uncle Timothy begged for a visit, after a week had passed. Alice was speechless for the first time. Uncle Timothy said he would help find my baby.

Somehow I knew my baby was gone forever. There was no baby and the idea of another gave me cold chills. Thomas wanted me to be happy again. Happiness would be a long time coming.

Chapter 7

I went to the monastery to pray every day. The monks said they would help with the search for my son. I tried to keep busy, so as not to go crazy. I did my housewife chores, painted and prayed.

I could not read at this time becau se it took too much concentration. Thomas worked long hours and came home beat. We took walks with the dogs so we did not have much time to think.

Another day I was alone and I felt that same jol t to my body. I was out of my body floating high above my flesh. The next thing I know space is stretched out before me. I find myself next at Ross Campo's house. He has my baby and many are around the room chanting an evil song. They are waiting for the leader of their group.

The wait seems long but yet everything is moving quickly. My baby is the Anti-Christ. Oh, God I wish I had not given birth. I feel robbed of my purity and light.

To be used for such an evil purpose was frightful. I wanted to kill my baby and their plans. I must find a way to stop them.

The leader walks in and it is Alice. Oh, God have I been betrayed. I see her for the first time as evil beyond words.

They are all laughing and saying how easy it was to dupe me. They are planning to take the baby to Rome, where he will rule and destroy the Catholic church. The President will be in league with my son.

How can I really stop this? Is not this God's plans for the end times. I hope I do not live to see such destruction.

I return to my body and fall to sleep. The next morning I tell Thomas everything. He does not seemed surprised.

''Why are you not surprised?" I asked. "I have had dreams about this for a long time," he said. "Why did you not tell me," I asked. "God forbid me to."

"There is nothing we can do Maureen. It is God's will. You are finally free. We can still have children," he said.

"I guess I could not have bared knowing. I have given birth to a monster. He is not my son," I said. "Did you know about Alice?" ''No I did not know."

"She is the leader."

''We will live a normal life now." I spent my days painting. Thomas and I took many trips.

We went to Hawaii, Ireland, France and Spain.

My uncle suggested that I write a book about my life. So I spent a year writing my autobiography. My book became a best seller. I traveled giving many talks to many people, who were interested in my life and found it inspirational.

I was becoming wealthy and Thomas traveled with me. I could not get pregnant. Thomas and I just accepted that it might be for the best.

Many miracles took place. After every speech someone was cured. I did no laying of hands or even tried to perform miracles.

This was humbling, because I could take none of the credit.

We had to keep our phone number and address very secret. It would have been a nightmare, if people constantly hounded us at home. I do not know how Padre Pio dealt with so many people every day. He did about a hundred confessions a day. Saints had no private lives.

It seems really magical at first, when everyone knows who you are. Then it can become scary and there is no place to hide. Movie stars pay a heavy price to entertain us. Looks are all that matter on the screen. People risk their health just so they can look better.

The world is so obsessed with the right clothes and looking gorgeous. It is sad that looks is all some have to hold on to. Beautiful on the inside seems to get lost as a priority.

There are so many beautiful spirits out there, so who cares if they do not look like a movie star. People try their best to do what is right. I would be bored if everyone had the same opinions.

Thomas and I take about four months to be alone together. We travel and spend a lot of time at home. There is no place like home to me.

I have been reading a lot of black authors. It is amazing to me how these people have survived hell. Richard Wright, Toni Morrison, Maya Angelou, Frederick Douglas and many more have touched my life in ways no white person could.

Thomas has encouraged me to write novels and poetry. He thinks I am a very creative and poetic writer. So I think I will attempt it

My art has sold amazingly well. There is no feeling like creating something many people like. Thomas says his real gifts are the art of prayer and being a good husband .

Thomas underestimates himself a great deal. He can fix anything and boy can he cook. I cannot think of anything that he cannot do.

My uncle is very sick. Thomas and I are both in our thirties now and my uncle is sixty.. He has rectal cancer and the doctors do not give him l ong. I go to see him every day.

He tells me about his visions. He sees Mary and Jesus every day. I believe God is rewarding him for being such a wonderful man. I do not know how I could of survived this life without him.

Every day I read to him. I read a novel or a spiritual book to him. He prefers the spiritual books. The pain of losing him, is so bitter. He has been my father and angel.

Thomas understands that I have to stay with my uncle for now. I have not spent so much time with him before and I consider this time preciou s. Life is so short, but thank God the next life is forever.

"I owe any good of myself to you and God. You have been my only family. I know some have no family or if they do there is no counting on them," I said.

All I have is left to you in my will. I kept a journal that you may want to read. I am getting very tired," he said.

My uncle closed his eyes and died. Even though I had Thomas, I felt so alone. I felt like an orphan and then I wept bitterly.

The funeral was huge because my uncle had helped many people. He had a generous spirit and I wished I had known him better. Thomas gave the eulogy becau se I did not think I could bear it.

I found his journal and decided to read it. I was alone in his house and he was gone. I decided to read the journal at home later.

"I never got married and never had children. You may not

be my child of the flesh, but you are truly in my heart, my only child.

I wish I could have spared you a great deal," he said.

"Uncle Timothy you did your best. You saved my life and that of Thomas. I am grateful to you for any happiness I have," I said.

"I never got married, but I almost did once. Her name was Megan. She and I were in love. A car crash took her from me. She lost control of her car on a rainy night. I could not bring mys elf to find anyone else," he said.

"Oh I am so sorry for your loss. You will see her again. I will feel good knowing you are happy," I said.

"Your father use to be good, but he wanted money, more than his soul. You have made good out of your life. I am so proud of your soul," he said.

Chapter 8

Three months later I was two weeks pregnant. Thomas was very excited. I felt I could start a new life, washed clean of filth. The light of God would put the shadows in the right perspective.

My life became more bearable, even joyful. Certain sorrows only aided my strength and character. Thomas and I prayed together and discussed books we read. We discussed world events and what charity we could do next.

We made love less often, but when we did it was passionate enough. We were best friends and shared everything. Nights we spent by the fire, drinking wine and enjoying the stillness of the night.

I was finally alone to read the journal, which was about fifty pages. Most of the journal was just every day occurrences, which bored me, because I preferred journals that talked about emotions and spiritual growth. I came to the final entry, which fascinated me.

The journal said the following: "I have been visited by angels, who have warned me of the danger my niece is in. I must risk my life to save her. The evil spirits have also tried to make my life difficult.

There is no rest in love, in the eye of a tornado. My life has a new purpose now and I must not give way to death."

This was the final entry and I felt such respect and love for my uncle. I feel so much is missed between people and the love people never share with words. My new hope for life had no bounds. I was given back my soul, when death was so close. Death not in the physical sense, but in the sense of a hardened heart.

If it had not been for my uncle, I might have been bent on destroying myself, as so many do out of pain. Acting up is another word for deadness of spirit and a hurt too deep to share. This was my time to give back what had been given generously to me.

I was full of gratitude for my new family, writing career and many blessings besides. My prayer life was getting more fruitful all the time.

The days sped by, due to so many interests. I felt energetic and the special feelings a mother gets with life inside her. Life is so short when things finally come together, but during sorrow life can be so long.

I felt like it was a wonderful dream and I would have to wake up. The colors on my canvas were so bright and my paintings came to life with each stroke. Thomas would talk so much and I enjoyed his conversations. There were many times for both of us, when talk was just too intrusive and we needed our solitude away from each other.

Thinking and prayer alone gave us a sense of rest and well being. The phone was something I would not pick up during my alone time. Thomas had his writing, prayer and fixing things, which he enjo yed doing alone.

We were both preparing for new life and new responsibilities. I tried not to think of my other baby, because the thought violently attacked my soul, leaving no peace or joy. It was best to enjoy my life as it is now and trust in God.

Our baby boy was born on December 4th, 1999. I named him Timothy Thomas Hoolihan after my uncle and husband. The day was bright and hopeful and no dark clouds to lure my godly child away from me.

I woke up in a strange place and did not know where I was. There were white uniforms all around me and at first I thought I was dead. I was scared and thought may be I was in hell.

It all came to me like a flood of tears that were holding back, for the right time. It was as if a pipe were clogged and the water was dying to escape. I had escaped the memories for such a long time. I had been in a deep sleep only to awaken to a nightmare.

I was seventy now and there was no hope. Never would I have anything anyone could call a life. It was not a happy ending this time and never would be. One choice in life, one mistake can destroy everything and there are no more chances.

A mind snaps and there is no more control. I have no one and I have been an island. A mind is a delicate thing, but yet some are so strong. I was not born with such a mind and all my dreams have been shattered.

You see my real life happened a long time ago. I was just a child of ten and I decided to be naughty. I did not really intend anything evil, but intentions do not always matter in this world.

I decided to light a little fire in my parents' home just for fun. I had no idea that the fun would become my final game. The house lit up with my parents and sister in it and as bad luck would have it I escaped with my body. The sad day happened on December 4th.

My mind never escaped the guilt and I am in an institution now. I have been here since I was ten and it has been called a semi catatonic state. All I do all day is rock back and forth in my chair. All the life you heard about with Uncle Timothy is fiction.

I have been in a dream world all this time and now I am old. I must go back to sleep, because I cannot handle reality. I will dream of my life with Thomas, because it is safer. Someday I will be in heaven to really enjoy my life. I can only hope my body will die soon and then I can live.

Come back and you will hear many more stories of my pr etend life. I will not let the nurses know I am back, because they may send me away. I have no place to go.

141

