FOLKS, IT IS SPRING.
BUT ALSO, CHECK YOUR WRIST
CALENDARS, BECAUSE TODAY IS
PRIMARY DAY RIGHT HERE IN THE
BIG APPLE.
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
WHEN NEW YORKERS PROUDLY LINE UP
AT THE VOTING BOOTH AND DECLARE
WITH ONE VOICE, "HURRY UP IN
THERE, I GOT STUFF TO DO."
YOU PEOPLE VOTE?
DID YOU PEOPLE VOTE TODAY?
( APPLAUSE )
AND THEY'RE ALL TOURISTS.
IT'S ILLEGAL FOR THEM TO VOTE.
( LAUGHTER )
THAT'S HOW IMPORTANT IT IS.
BUT THERE IS SOMETHING FISHY
GOING ON THIS ELECTION SEASON
THAT REALLY IRKS ME.
YOU SEE, WHEN YOU VOTE, YOU HAVE
TO TRUST THAT YOUR VOTE WILL BE
HONORED.
AND YET, WE HAVE WATCHED THE
PEOPLE OVERWHELMINGLY MAKE THEIR
CHOICE, ONLY TO HAVE POWERFUL
FORCES OPENLY DISCUSS TOSSING
THE RESULTS BECAUSE THEY BELIEVE
THEY ARE RIDICULOUS.
I AM TALKING, OF COURSE, ABOUT
THE OVERWHELMING VICTORY OF
BOATY McBOATFACE.
( LAUGHTER )
( APPLAUSE )
THE PEOPLE UPON.
YOU GUYS KNOW.
THE PEOPLE KNOW.
THE YOU KNOW WHAT I'M TALKING
ABOUT?
BRITAIN'S NATIONAL ENVIRONMENTAL
RESEARCH COUNCIL ANNOUNCED A
BOAT-NAMING CONTEST A LITTLE
OVER A MONGST AGO,
IN AN EFFORT TO BUILD PUBLIC
INTEREST IN ARCTIC RESEARCH--
WHILE THERE IS STILL SOME ARCTIC
LEFT TO RESEARCH.
THOUSAND OF ENTERS WERE ADMITTED
AND THE NAME "BOATY McBOATFACE"
GOT FOUR TIMES MORE VOTES THAN
ANY OTHER NAME.
AND WELL IT SHOULD.
I BELIEVE IT'S THE BEST NAME FOR
A BOAT.
JUST AS THE BEST NAME FOR A MAN
IS MANNY McMANFACE.
IF I EVER HAVE ANOTHER SON, I
WILL NAME HIMSELF MANNY
McMANFACE.
IT IS CERTAINLY BETTER THAN THE
STUPID NAMES THE BRITISH
NORMALLY GIVE THEIR BOATS.
THE H.M.S. "RIGHT HONORABLE
MARITIME CRUMPET BARGE."
THE POINT IS-- AND I BELIEVE
THIS IS A UNIVERSAL FEELING--
THE PEOPLE VOTED.
BOATY McBOATFACE WON.
THE SYSTEM WORKS.
OR DOES IT?
>> THE FINAL DECISION GOES WITH
THE AGENCY.
I DON'T THINK THEY'RE GOING TO
GO WITH BOATY McBOATFACE.
>> Stephen: WHAT?
>> Audience: BOOO!
>> Stephen: I AGREE WITH
WHATEVER WORD THAT WAS.
THIS IS TERRIBLE.
IF THEY OVERTURN THIS VOTE,
THEY'RE BUTTY McBUTTFACES.
AND WHY DRAW THE LINE AT BOATY
McBOATFACE?
WE DON'T STOP PEOPLE WHEN THEY
NAME THEIR KIDS BRINLEY AND
CADENCE.
DO THE ENGLISH NOT LIKE THE
PROUD SCOTTISH HERITAGE OF CLAN
McBOATFACE?
( LAUGHTER )
I BELIEVE THE POWERS THAT BE
HAVE NO RIGHT TO OVERTURN THE
CHOICE OF THE VOTERS NO MATTER
HOW CHILDLESS THAT VOICE AND
THAT CHOICE MAY BE.
I, FOR ONE, LOOK FORWARD TO
PRESIDENT TRUMPY McTRUMPFACE.
