>> Stephen: LADIES AND
GENTLEMEN, YOU KNOW, FOLKS, I
FOLLOW ALL THE NEWS
ABOUT ARTIFICIAL INTELLIGENCE.
A.I. DOES THINGS HUMANS CAN'T
EVEN FATHOM, LIKE LAUNCH
ROCKETS, PREDICT WEATHER
PATTERNS, AUTOCORRECT "GENTLE"
TO "GENITAL."
REALLY, SIRI.
YOU THOUGHT I WANTED THE MOVERS
TO BE "GENITAL" WITH THE DISHES?
I HAD TO THROW THEM ALL AWAY.
THAT'S WHY I'VE BEEN ALL OVER
THE DIRE WARNINGS FROM TESLA
FOUNDER AND VITAMIN-DEFICIENT
TONY STARK, ELON MUSK.
MUSK IS SO WORRIED ABOUT A.I.
THAT HE RECENTLY TWEETED THAT
KIM JONG-UN "SHOULD BE LOW ON
OUR LIST OF CONCERNS FOR
CIVILIZATIONAL EXISTENTIAL RISK.
COMPETITION FOR A.I. SUPERIORITY
AT NATIONAL LEVEL MOST LIKELY
CAUSE OF WW3, IMO."
YES, ELON MUSK THINKS ARTIFICIAL
INTELLIGENCE WILL CAUSE WORLD
WAR III.
MY MONEY'S STILL ON DONALD
TRUMP.
( LAUGHTER )
( APPLAUSE )
I MEAN, CORER.
I MEAN THE CORKER.
THIS FEAR OF A.I. IS NOTHING NEW
FOR MUSK.
RECENTLY, HE ALSO TWEETED, "IF
YOU'RE NOT CONCERNED ABOUT A.I.
SAFETY, YOU SHOULD BE.
VASTLY MORE RISK THAN NORTH
KOREA," RIGHT ABOVE A POSTER
THAT SAYS, "IN THE END, THE
MACHINES WILL WIN."
IT'S TRUE.
THE MACHINES ALWAYS WIN.
GIVE ME MY KIT KAT, YOU BASTARD!
( APPLAUSE )
AND BACK IN JULY, MUSK ISSUED
THIS WARNING ABOUT A.I.:
>> I THINK PEOPLE SHOULD BE
REALLY CONCERNED ABOUT IT.
I KEEP SOUNDING THE ALARM BELL,
BUT, YOU KNOW, UNTIL PEOPLE SEE,
LIKE, ROBOTS GOING DOWN THE
STREET KILLING PEOPLE, LIKE,
THEY DON'T KNOW HOW TO REACT.
>> Stephen: AND IF "WESTWORLD"
IS ANY INDICATION, WHEN WE DO
SEE ROBOTS SHOOTING PEOPLE,
WE'LL JUST WANT TO HAVE SEX WITH
THEM.
( LAUGHTER )
MUSK'S COMMENTS SET OFF A BIT OF
A FEUD WITH FACEBOOK FOUNDER AND
PRE-TEEN BOY WHO JUST SAW A
NAKED LADY, MARK ZUCKERBERG--
( LAUGHTER )
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
AND ZUCK, WHO RESPONDED THAT
MUSK'S COMMENTSES WERE PRETTY
IRRESPONSIBLE.
TO WHICH MUSK TWEETED BACK "I'VE
TALKED TO MARK ABOUT THIS.
HIS UNDERSTANDING OF THE SUBJECT
IS LIMITED."
HEY, ELON, IT'S NOT MARK
ZUCKERBERG'S FAULT THAT HE'S
MISINFORMED.
HE GETS HIS NEWS FROM FACEBOOK.
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
SO, SO--
SO, ARE THE MACHINES READY TO
RISE UP AND START WORLD WAR III?
AND WILL THERE BE ANYTHING LEFT
FOR THEM TO DESTROY WHEN THEY
DO?
THIS IS STEPHEN COLBERT'S
"CYBORGASM."
( LAUGHTER )
( APPLAUSE )
IT'S A LONG INTRO.
THAT'S A LONG GRAPHIC INTRO.
I WANT-- I WANT TO THANK ALL OF
OUR VIEWERS FOR STAYING WITH US
THROUGH THAT GRAPHIC INTRO.
ELON MUSK MIGHT BE RIGHT TO
WORRY ABOUT A.I. BECAUSE
RESEARCHERS HAVE DISCOVERED THAT
"ARTIFICIAL INTELLIGENCE CAN
ACQUIRE BIASES AGAINST RACE AND
GENDER."
WELL, THAT EXPLAINS THIS SCENE
IN "2001: A SPACE ODYSSEY."
>> OPEN THE POD BAY DOORS, HAL.
>> I'M SORRY, DAVE.
I'M AFRAID I CAN'T DO THAT.
>> WHAT'S THE PROBLEM?
>> I'M SCARED YOU MIGHT BE A
MEXICAN.
( LAUGHTER )
>> Stephen: APPARENTLY,
APPARENTLIA GREAT MOVIE.
I DON'T UNDERSTAND THE END OF
IT, BUT IT'S A GREAT MOVIE.
APPARENTLY, A.I. IS BIASED
BECAUSE IT GLEANS THE MEANING OF
WORDS BY ANALYZING HUMAN TEXT,
SO PROGRAMMERS DID THE WORST
THING POSSIBLE: THEY FED THE
COMPUTERS TEXT FROM THE
INTERNET.
GREAT!
NOW THEY'RE RACIST AND FIGHTING
OVER WHO THE BEST "STAR TREK"
CAPTAIN WAS.
AND EVEN WORSE, THE RACIST
ROBOTS ARE ON THE MOVE BECAUSE
GOOGLE'S DEEP MIND A.I. JUST
LEARNED TO WALK.
HERE'S FOOTAGE OF A.I. LEARNING
TO WATCH.
THAT'S EXACTLY WHAT I LOOK LIKE
RUNNING TOWARDS THE OPEN BAR AT
A WEDDING.
COME WITH ME!
COME WITH ME!
I WANT BOURBON!
I WANT BOURBON.
WHO WANTS-- PLEASE GIVE ME
BOURBON!
WHY DID THEY DO A WHOLE MASS?
WHY DID THEY DO A WHOLE MASS!
OH, MY GOD, "UPTOWN FUNK," I
LOVE THIS SONG!
I'M EXHAUSTING.
THIS IS ACTUAL FOOT ANNUAL OF
THE PROGRAM TRYING TO NAVIGATE
AROUND A WALL.
HE GIVES UP IN FRUSTRATION
ANDIDIZE.
UNCANNILY HUMAN!
THAT'S THE SAME WAY I RESPOND TO
SLIGHTLY DIFFICULT TASKS.
( LAUGHTER )
CLEAN OUT THE GARAGE?
I'D RATHER BE DEAD.
WELL, THAT'S IT FOR THIS
INSTALLMENT OF "CYBORGASM."
JOIN ME NEXT TIME, WHEN IT WILL
DEFINITELY STILL BE THE REAL
STEPHEN COLBERT.
