>> Stephen: HEY, EVERYBODY,
WELCOME BACK TO THE SHOW.
FOLKS, MY NEXT GUEST IS A
STAND-UP COMEDIAN AND THE HOST
OF MY FAVORITE LATE-NIGHT SHOW
IN CHINA, "IS IT TRUE?"
PLEASE WELCOME, ALL THE WAY FROM
BEIJING, JOE WONG!
♪ ♪ ♪
 ( APPLAUSE )
>> HELLO.
HI, EVERYBODY.
HELLO, PEOPLE UP THERE.
HELLO.
SO, I AM ACTUALLY AN AMERICAN
IMMIGRANT.
AND THEY SAY THAT AMERICA IS A
COUNTRY OF IMMIGRANTS.
SO I HAVE TO ASK YOU GUYS--
PLEASE, LEAVE MY COUNTRY.
 ( LAUGHTER )
I'M SERIOUS.
WE HAVE A ZERO-TOLERANCE POLICY
RIGHT NOW.
 (  LAUGHTER  )
I HEARD THAT ASIANS HAVE BECOME
THE FASTEST GROWING IMMIGRANT
GROUP IN AMERICA, WHICH IS
REALLY AMAZING BECAUSE MEXICANS
CAN CROSS THE RIVER AND COME
HERE.
AND I HAD TO FLY THOUSANDS OF
MILES TO MEXICO--
 (  LAUGHTER  )
AND THEN CROSS THAT RIVER.
TRUMP WANTS TO BUILD A WALL TO
STOP IMMIGRATION.
I'M FROM CHINA.
 ( LAUGHTER )
SO I KNOW A LOT ABOUT WALLS.
THEY DON'T WORK.
 (  LAUGHTER  )
 ( APPLAUSE )
 ( CHEERS )
AND SINCE IT'S LATER, IT'S JUST
GOING TO BECOME A HUGE TOURIST
ATTRACTION.
 ( LAUGHTER )
BUT I DO RESPECT TRUMP, THOUGH,
BECAUSE AFTER HE TOOK OFFICE,
THERE WAS THE K.K.K. MARCH,
ANTI-K.K.K. MARCH, WOMEN'S
MARCH, ANTI-CHILD SEPARATION
MARCH.
AND YOU KNOW HOW MUCH AMERICANS
HATE EXERCISE.
 ( LAUGHTER )
 ( APPLAUSE )
HE HAS CONTRIBUTED MORE TO
AMERICANS' HEALTH THAN ALL OF
THE Y.M.C.A.s COMBINED.
 ( LAUGHTER )
AND HE ALSO CONTRIBUTES TO THE
HEALTH OF OTHER COUNTRIES,
BECAUSE LAUGHTER IS THE BEST
MEDICINE.
 (  LAUGHTER  )
 ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
I MEAN, YOU HAVE SEEN HIS
PERFORMANCE AT THE U.N.?
 (  LAUGHTER  )
HE KILLED.
THEY WERE PROBABLY EVEN A BETTER
AUDIENCE THAN YOU GUYS ARE.
 ( LAUGHTER )
JUST KIDDING.
YOU GUYS ARE GREAT.
MY SON WAS BORN AND RAISED IN
AMERICA.
I REMEMBER ONE DAY HE CAME
HOME-- HE CAME HOME FROM SCHOOL.
THAT WAS WHEN HE WAS ABOUT FIVE
YEARS OLD.
HE SAID TO ME, "HEY, DAD, I
LEARNED AMERICAN HISTORY TODAY."
I SAID, WOW, THAT'S GREAT."
HE SAID, "NOW I REALLY FEEL BAD
FOR BLACK PEOPLE."
I SAID, "YEAH, THEY'RE REALLY
MISTREATED IN AMERICAN HISTORY."
HE SAID, "YEAH, AND I'M SO GLAD
THAT I'M WHITE."
 (  LAUGHTER  )
I SAID, "HOLD ON.
 ( LAUGHTER )
YOU'RE NOT WHITE."
HE SAID, "WHAT AM I?"
I SAID, "YOU'RE YELLOW."
THIS IS A TRUE STORY.
HE TOOK A LOOK AT I HAD HAND.
HE WAS LIKE, "DADDY, THIS
DOESN'T LOOK YELLOW TO ME."
I SAID, "YES, I KNOW, BUT THIS
IS AMERICA AND EVERYBODY HAS TO
HAVE A COLOR, AND THAT'S THE
COLOR THEY GAVE US.
YOU BETTER DEAL WITH IT."
 (  LAUGHTER  )
BUT MY SON HAS A GOOD POWNT,
THOUGH.
NOBODY IN AMERICA, ESPECIALLY A
PERSON OF COLOR, IS EXACTLY THE
COLOR THEY ARE ASSIGNED,  YOU
KNOW.
LIKE, THIS IS NOT EXACTLY
YELLOW.
IT'S KIND OF BROWN.
A BLACK PERSON IS NOT EXACTLY
BLACK.
THEY'RE KIND OF BROWN.
SO WE'RE PRETTY MUCH ALL
DIFFERENT SHADES OF MEXICANS.
 (  LAUGHTER  )
 ( APPLAUSE )
 ( CHEERS )
SO, WHITE PEOPLE, PLEASE DON'T
FEEL LEFT OUT.
I HAVE A LOT OF THINGS IN COMMON
WITH WHITE GUYS.
FOR EXAMPLE, I HAVE AN ASIAN
WIFE.
 ( LAUGHTER )
ALL RIGHT, THAT'S ABOUT MY TIME.
THANK YOU GUYS SO MUCH.
THANK YOU VERY MUCH.
THANKS.
THANKS A LOT.
>> Stephen: JOE WONG, EVERYBODY!
WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK.
