YOU KNOW, THERE'S BEEN A LOT
OF TALK OF HEALTH ON THE
CAMPAIGN TRAIL RECENTLY, WITH
TRUMP PEOPLE SAYING THAT
HILLARY CLINTON HAS A SECRET
ILLNESS.
AND THEY MAY HAVE A POINT.
IF SHE WASN'T SICK, WHY IS SHE
CALLING FOR UNIVERSAL
HEALTHCARE?
DOESN'T MAKE ANY SENSE.
OF COURSE, THIS OPENS UP
QUESTIONS ABOUT DONALD TRUMP'S
HEALTH.
I MEAN, HE'S GOT THE KIND OF
GLOW YOU ONLY GET FROM BEING IN
TOP SHAPE OR AFTER VACATIONING
AT CHERNOBYL.
(LAUGHTER)
TO PROVE HOW FIT HE IS FOR THE
PRESIDENCY, LAST DECEMBER TRUMP
RELEASED HIS FULL HEALTH
RECORDS-- WHICH WAS A ONE-PAGE
LETTER FROM HIS PHYSICIAN.
A NOTE FROM HIS DOCTOR SHOULD BE
ENOUGH-- IT'S HOW HE GOT OUT OF
VIETNAM!
(AUDIENCE REACTS)
(APPLAUSE)
HE HAD BONE SPURS!
THE DOCTOR IN QUESTION IS
GASTROENTEROLOGIST AND TRUMP'S
STRATEGIC HAIR RESERVE,
DR. HAROLD BORNSTEIN.
"HELLO!
HEY!
I'M YOUR DOCTOR, LET'S DROP
THOSE TROU'S, I'M GONNA POKE
AROUND!"
(LAUGHTER)
BEND OVER, HERE COMES THE
CHOO-CHOO TRAIN!
CHOO-CHOO, CHOO-CHOO, CHOO-CHOO!
(LAUGHTER)
HE LOOKS LIKE A GUY WHO CAN NOT
ONLY WRITE YOU A PRESCRIPTION
FOR DRUGS, BUT TELL YOU WHAT
THEY TASTE LIKE.
SOME PEOPLE ARE CONCERNED THAT
HIS LETTER ISN'T ENOUGH TO PROVE
TRUMP'S HEALTH.
AFTER ALL, IT BEGINS,"TO WHOM MY
CONCERN."
(LAUGHTER)
IS THAT A TYPO?
MY-BE, MY-BE NOT.
(LAUGHTER)
AND BORNSTEIN PROVED HE'S A
GASTROENTEROLOGIST BECAUSE THE
LETTER SEEMS LIKE HE YANKED IT
FROM WHERE THE SUN DON'T SHINE.
FOR EXAMPLE, HIS ASSERTION THAT
"MR. TRUMP HAS HAD A RECENT
COMPLETE MEDICAL EXAMINATION
THAT SHOWED ONLY POSITIVE
RESULTS."
(LAUGHTER)
AND POSITIVE RESULTS ARE ALWAYS
GOOD!
BLOOD PRESSURE?
POSITIVE!
CHOLESTEROL?
POSITIVE!
CHLAMYDIA?
POSITIVE!
(LAUGHTER)
SOME PEOPLE THOUGHT THE LETTER
WAS WRITTEN BY TRUMP HIMSELF,
SINCE IT DESCRIBES HIS HEALTH
IN TERMS LIKE "EXTRAORDINARY"
AND "ASTONISHINGLY EXCELLENT"
AND, "IF ELECTED, MR. TRUMP, I
CAN STATE UNEQUIVOCALLY, WILL BE
THE HEALTHIEST INDIVIDUAL EVER
ELECTED TO THE PRESIDENCY."
OF COURSE, HEALTHIEST EVER!
OF COURSE, THAT'S ONLY IF HE
KEEPS TAKING HIS PRESCRIPTION OF
K.F.C. AND TACO BOWLS.
(LAUGHTER)
WITH SO MANY QUESTIONS ABOUT
THIS LETTER, LAST WEEK, NBC NEWS
TRACKED DOWN DR. BORNSTEIN, WHO
WAS IN HIS MANHATTAN OFFICE AND
NOT AS HIS OTHER JOB: PLAYING
THE LUTE AT A REN FEST.
(LAUGHTER)
♪
♪
>> Stephen: AND WOULD YE LIKE
A TURKEY LEG?
(LAUGHTER)
AND BORNSTEIN REVEALED WHY THE
LETTER SEEMS RUSHED: BECAUSE IT
WAS.
>> I THOUGHT ABOUT IT ALL DAY
AND, AT THE END, I GET RUSHED
AND I GET ANXIOUS WHEN I GET
RUSHED.
I HAD FIVE MINUTES TO SIT AT
RIGHT THIS DESK AND WRITE THAT
LETTER WHILE THE DRIVER WAITED.
>> STEPHEN: RUSHED, ANXIOUS,
FIVE MINUTES, DRIVER WAITING.
YOU DEFINITELY WANT THE
CANDIDATE'S PHYSICAL TO SOUND
LIKE LOSING YOUR VIRGINITY ON
PROM NIGHT.
(LAUGHTER)
HONESTLY, HE LOOKS LIKE A VERY
QUESTIONABLE GANDOLF RIGHT NOW.
(LAUGHTER)
DON'T GET IN THE VAN WITH
GANDOLF, KIDS!
(LAUGHTER)
HONESTLY, I HAVE TO WONDER, IS
DR. BORNSTEIN IS HEALTHY ENOUGH
TO JUDGE WHETHER OR NOT TRUMP IS
HEALTHY ENOUGH FOR THE
PRESIDENCY?
WELL, TO ANSWER THAT QUESTION,
WE HAVE OBTAINED AN EXCLUSIVE
LETTER FROM TRUMP'S DOCTOR'S
DOCTOR.
I HAVE IT RIGHT HERE.
THIS POST-IT NOTE, WHICH READS:
THIS POST-IT NOTE, WHICH READS:
"TO WHY IT AM CONCERNED -
DR. BORNSTEIN GREAT HEALTHY MAN.
GOOD AT DOCTORING TRUMP, BEST AT
MEDICINE FOREVER, SIGNED,
DR. REALDOCTOR.
GOTTA RUN, UBER'S HERE."
