 
Happy at Last

By

Jeanette Muscella

Copyright © 2017 Jeanette Muscella

ISBN: 978-1-5323-6251-4

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Chapter 1

Jerry

My heart is in my throat as I run through the busy corridor of the hospital emergency room. On most days, I love my job. Today is not one of those days. I was about to leave to meet Joan for an early dinner when I receive a text from her mother, Beverly.

Roger attacked Joan. The ambulance is on the way to the hospital. Joan may have a head injury. Need your help.

I can't go through this again. I can't lose another woman that I love. As I approach the emergency bay area, I hear the ambulance. The first person that I see is Joan's mother. She takes one look at me and runs towards me.

"Jerry, he beat my baby. Take care of her, please."

"Don't worry Beverly. I will take care of her. Where is Roger?"

"The police have him in custody. Evie is hysterical. I had to leave her with a neighbor. I could not bring her to the hospital."

I follow the gurney into the ER and guide them to cubicle seven. From what I can see, Joan has a nasty bruise creeping up her jaw, and finger marks around her neck. I feel like I am going to throw up, and I take a few deep breaths to calm my rolling stomach. When I walk over to the gurney, Joan reaches out to hold my hand. Bending down, I whisper, "Everything will be okay. You are in the ER sweetheart. Beverly is in the waiting room. We will take care of you. Does your head hurt?"

Joan nods her head yes and tries to speak. "Evie."

"Evie is okay sweetheart. Let's take care of you."

I turn to the other doctor in the room. "Let's order a CT scan. I want to rule out a concussion or a bleeder. Her vitals look good, but I see dilation in the left eye."

While I wait for the test results, I call Joan's caseworker. We talked about the possibility of Roger's reappearance in her life, but this goes beyond what we thought would happen. He beat my girl, and if he were in front of me now, I'd do to him, what he did to Joan, only ten times worse. I'm fucking angry, and I let her know it. "What is the purpose of a fucking restraining order if the court will not enforce it?"

"Who is this?"

"My name is Jeremy Miller, and I am Joan Randall's boyfriend. Her fucking ex-husband just beat the shit out of her. We are in the ER now."

Her intake of breath tells me that she is upset. "How did Roger find her? Joan's case file is sealed. Oh, no, someone leaked the information."

Hearing that someone violated Joan's privacy has my blood boiling. "You need to find the person who did this to her. Do you hear me? Find this person NOW!"

"I'll do my best to find out what happened, and who leaked Joan's information. I don't know what to say."

I am so angry that I disconnect the call before I put my foot in my mouth. I do not want to piss her off because Joan needs her help.

General medicine is not my specialty, and I defer to the doctor on call. I did, however, look at the CT scan, and thankfully, Joan does not have a head injury. While I wait for the doctor to complete his examination, I walk out to the waiting area and sit with Beverly.

"How is she?" Beverly asks me.

"Joan is still being examined by the doctor on call. I did see the CT scan, and she does not have a head injury. Can you tell me what happened this morning?"

"I'm not sure what happened. Joan ran out to take care of a few errands before Evie's dentist appointment. Evie was in the kitchen with me, and we were baking cookies. The house was a little warm, and when I walked into the living room and opened the window, I heard Joan screaming Roger's name. I called the police and then went outside to see Roger punching Joan in the stomach. He had his hand around Joan's neck. Evie ran out of the house and saw Joan being beaten by her father. Joan was on her hands and knees vomiting, and Roger grabbed her by the hair and punched her in the face. I tried to pull him off Joan, but he pushed me, and I fell onto the grass. That is when I saw a police officer pull him off Joan and cuff him. The ambulance arrived a few minutes later. Evie was screaming, and the neighbors were standing in the street watching what was going on. It was awful Jerry. Carolyn ran over and asked if I needed help, and I asked her to sit with Evie. Will Joan be okay?"

"I won't know anything until after the examination."

"How could Roger do this to my daughter?"

"I don't know Beverly. I honestly don't know."

*****

When I return to Joan's bedside, there is a nurse in the room, and a curtain surrounds Joan's bed. I keep my distance while the nurse treats Joan. A few minutes later, the nurse pulls back the curtain, and I see an orderly standing next to her.

"Is Joan being admitted?" I ask her.

"Yes. Doctor Renzi wants to admit Ms. Randall for observation for at least forty-eight hours. Are you related to Ms. Randall?"

"I am her boyfriend, Doctor Jeremy Miller."

"Any relation to Ethan Miller?"

"Yes, he is my brother. Can I review Joan's chart?"

"Well, technically you should speak to Doctor Renzi, but I will make an exception just once. You have two minutes."

I quickly scan Joan's chart. Bruised ribs, mild concussion, hand marks around her neck, bruised jaw, lacerations on her hands and knees when she hit the concrete driveway. Temperature slightly elevated, as well as blood pressure. The nurse hovers over me, and it is impossible to read her chart thoroughly. I have seen enough to know what I need to do.

Joan

When I open my eyes, the light in the room hurts my eyes. I know I am in the hospital, and every muscle in my body is throbbing. My head feels like it is in a vice. How did Roger find me? I am frightened for my baby. I heard Evie screaming as Roger continued hitting me, and then I saw the police. He will not get away with hitting me again. I feel my mother's hand touch mine, and I struggle to see her because my vision is blurry.

"Mom, where is Evie? Is she okay?"

"Evie is fine, honey. Carolyn is watching her. Roger is in police custody. There is a police detective in the hallway, and she wants to talk to you. Do you feel up to it baby? I can tell her to come back later."

As I am about to respond, the door opens, and in walks Jerry. I take one look at his beautiful face, and I feel myself relaxing. He looks down at me with loving eyes, and I can no longer hold back the tears. He sits gently on the bed next to me, and when he tries to wipe the tears away, I flinch at his touch. He does not pull back his touch. Jerry leans in and whispers to me, "It's okay baby. How do you feel?"

"Everything hurts."

"I will have the nurse give you something for the pain. Do you feel up to talking to the detective? She has been standing guard outside your door for a few hours."

"Help me to sit up. I need to file charges against Roger. He will not hurt me again."

Jerry raises my bed and helps me get comfortable if that's even possible. "Good girl," he whispers and kisses my forehead. "I'll stay with you, just in case you need something."

*****

Detective Denise McKinney looks at me, and I cringe at the expression on her face. I must look like shit.

"Hello, Joan. My name is Detective Denise McKinney, and I'd like to ask you a few questions. If you feel ill or would like to stop, please tell me, and we can continue this tomorrow. I do not want to make you uncomfortable."

"Thank you," I say through gritted teeth.

"Mr. Roger Randall is in custody at the Twenty-Fourth precinct. If I have your permission, I need to photograph your injuries as evidence of the crime perpetrated on you at approximately eleven hundred hours yesterday morning."

I look at my mother, and I want to scream, then cry, then scream again. Jerry helps me untie my hospital gown, and when I slide it down my body, the reaction that I see on his face breaks my heart. Detective McKinney takes several pictures of my battered body, and I feel humiliated. After my gown is back in place, the officer takes out a recorder.

"This is Detective Denise McKinney, badge number 2958. The time is thirteen hundred hours. I am in the hospital room of Joan Randall."

"Ms. Randall, how long have you been divorced from Roger Randall?"

"About eighteen months."

"Where did you reside before your divorce?"

"New York City. Manhattan specifically."

"Is this the first time that Mr. Randall physically accosted you?"

"No, but it is the reason why I filed for divorce. Roger is an addict."

"I understand you filed a restraining order in New York. Is this correct?"

"Yes. The last time Roger hit me, I filed a restraining order, then filed for divorce. I moved in with my mother. I now have sole custody of our daughter Evelyn, who is six years old. My caseworker assured me that my whereabouts would remain confidential. My case file was supposed to stay sealed. Obviously, that's incorrect, because he found me."

"What happened yesterday morning?"

"I took the day off from work because my daughter had a dentist appointment at one in the afternoon. I went to the food market, and when I got home, Roger was sitting on the steps outside of my house."

"Did you say anything when you saw Mr. Randall sitting on your steps?"

"No. I tried to get back into the car. I had one leg in the car. I didn't have the opportunity to say anything. He lunged at me, had one hand around my neck, the other in my hair, and was screaming at me. He said I ruined his life, his career, and now he is going to destroy mine."

"I started screaming, and when I saw my mother open the front door, I felt Roger's fist hit me in the stomach. I bent over and threw up, but he just kept hitting me in the stomach and face. I felt his hand tighten around my neck and I could not breathe. He pushed me onto the pavement, and I don't know how long he hit me before I heard the sirens, and then I felt someone pull him off me."

"Did Mr. Randall say anything else to you? Did he say how he found you?"

"No. Roger just hit me repeatedly, and I could not defend myself."

"Did anyone else see him attacking you?"

"I...um. I think a few neighbors were standing in the street when the police arrived at my house."

"Are you prepared to file assault charges against Roger Randall?"

"Yes. I want Roger out of my life. I will file whatever charges are necessary to make that happen."

"Very well. Someone from the District Attorney's office will see you early tomorrow with the necessary paperwork. Thank you, Joan. I know this wasn't easy for you. I hope you feel better soon."

"Thank you," I say again and close my eyes. Will this nightmare that is my life ever end?

Jerry

Listening to Joan describe to the police officer what her scumbag ex-husband did to her sickens me. How any man can treat a woman this way is beyond my comprehension. I feel her pain and humiliation, and I imagine having me in the room with her is upsetting and embarrassing. I am out of control emotionally, and I have no outlet for my anger. I've spoken to her brother Mike several times today, and he wants Joan and Evie to fly out to California until the situation with Roger resolves itself. It will never end until he is dead. How ironic is it that I've waited twenty years to fall in love again, only to have her ex-husband interfere in our lives?

I never believed in divine intervention until the day Joan walked back into my life. Imagine my surprise when I discover that she is one of the several pharmacists that work in the hospital. We met again the day I discharged Mrs. Simmons. The pharmacy never delivered her medication, and because I was a little irritated by the delay, I marched down to the pharmacy, intending to chew someone out. Instead, the most beautiful face that I have ever seen appeared before me, and I stood frozen in place.

Seriously, I stood on the other side of the plexiglass window for a good two minutes before I found my tongue. Joan did not see me standing at the counter, and I kept quiet because I want to enjoy the vision before me. Beautiful porcelain skin, blond hair, and gorgeous blue eyes. I forgot about my anger, Mrs. Simmons, and everything else as I stare at her.

I think she felt me ogling her, and when she looked up at me, my heart stopped. I always broke Ethan's balls when he talked about the first time he saw Diane, and how he knew she was the one for him. God help me, but I feel that way now. Just thinking about that day calms me.

"Can I help you? Jerry? Hi, how are you?"

"Much better now that I've met you again. You look great Joan." Why do I sound like a dick?

"Oh, well, thank you. What can I do for you?"

"I need Helen Simmons's prescriptions."

"Give me a minute while I check my records."

I am in big trouble. Watching Joan walk away from me has my cock twitching. It's a shame her lab coat covers her ass. Another twitch. I need to adjust myself, but it's been so long since I've felt anything south of the border, and I want to savor the feeling a few more minutes. As I watch Joan walk back to the window, the inevitable happens. I have a full-blown erection, and now I am uncomfortable. I button my lab coat to hide the obvious.

"I apologize for the delay Jerry. It has been a crazy morning."

"Where is Ben?"

"He retired three months ago, and I am his replacement."

"Oh, I didn't know he retired. How do you like working here?"

"It's a job. What can I say?"

"Wow, you don't sound very enthusiastic."

"It's not that I don't like my job because I do. Sorry. I'm just a little tired. My daughter Evie was up all night with an earache."

"Sorry to hear that. How is Evie today?"

"My mother is watching her, and the last time I called, Evie was sleeping."

"How old is your daughter?"

"Evie is six years old. Well, I'd better get back to work doctor. I'll talk to you later."

"Yes, it was good seeing you again Joan."

*****

That was six months ago, and my life has changed dramatically since that day. I've never been happier in my entire life. I've thought a lot about Mary since I met Joan. I always wondered how my life would have been had she not died. Fate has a way of tilting the scale in your favor, and now, at the age of forty-six, I have a beautiful six-year-old girl in my life. I want so much to be her father, and I am so worried about her. Evie is just starting to put the nightmare of her father in the past, and now I'm afraid of how today will affect her emotionally. As I walk back to Joan's room, I run into my brother.

"Hey, what are you doing here today?"

"Diane has an appointment with her therapist. I'm just along for the ride. She was bouncing up and down like a little kid this morning. Do you want to grab lunch while I wait for Diane?"

"I need to check on Joan first. Roger found her today and did a number on her. She's in the hospital."

"Is Joan okay? What are you going to do?"

"Joan is bruised badly. Roger hurt her, and I must find a way to protect them. This is killing me, Ethan. I don't know what to do."

"Take care of Joan, and I'll wait for you in the cafeteria. What do you want for lunch?"

"Get me a sandwich and a piece of fruit. I'll be there in twenty minutes." I walk back to Joan's room and see that she is sleeping. I bend down to kiss her gently on the forehead and leave the room.

*****

Twenty minutes later, I walk into the cafeteria and see Ethan seated at one of the tables, and he is staring into a cup of coffee. He is oblivious to everyone around him. When I walk up to him and place my hand on his shoulder, he jumps about three feet out of his chair before he realizes it's me.

"What the hell is wrong with you?"

Ethan laughs. "Nothing is wrong with me. In fact, I am so fucking happy I could do cartwheels. I have a huge secret, and you cannot tell anyone until I give you the all clear. If you say anything, I will beat the shit out of you. Got it?"

"Damn, Ethan, this must be good. You haven't threatened me like that in a long time. What's the secret?"

"Diane made dinner for me last night, and there was a surprise in my wine glass."

"What was the surprise, and why did she put it in a wine glass?"

"Well, the last two times that Diane put this in a wine glass, we had Joey and Kellie. Surprise! We're pregnant!"

"Wow, you guys didn't waste any time getting pregnant. Congratulations. Are you happy about another baby? You are almost forty-five years old."

"Don't I know it, and yes, I am very happy about the baby. Not even morning sickness can spoil Diane's mood. I love seeing her smile. How is Joan?"

"She was sleeping when I checked on her. I've been thinking a lot about Mary today."

"You cannot compare what happened to Mary with Joan. It's not the same situation."

"Isn't it the same? I could have lost Joan today had the police not arrived when they did. I don't want to have this conversation in the cafeteria. I feel like my head is about to explode. Let's go back to my office."

The walk back to my office is a silent one. I am so focused on Joan that I don't hear Ethan talking to me. When he grabs my arm, I jerk my head sideways to look at him. "What? Why are you grabbing my arm?"

"Stop, Jerry. Just stop for a minute and take a deep breath. You look like shit."

"That's about how I feel at the moment. How do I protect Joan from her ex-husband? I can't watch her twenty-four hours a day! I don't know what to do!" Ethan followed me into my office and closed the door. I slump into my chair and lower my head. If Ethan weren't in the room with me, I'd cry like a fucking baby. Ethan walks around and sits on the edge of my desk.

"The first thing you need to do is stay calm. If Joan sees you like this, she will be afraid to leave the house. That is no way to live."

"How can I stay calm when Roger drove all the way from New York to take his anger out on Joan? I had to sit in her room and watch the police officer take pictures of her bruised body. I feel helpless. And now, all of the progress that Evie has made since the divorce just got flushed down the toilet."

"Assault is a serious charge, Jerry. Once bail is posted, and he is shipped back to New York, maybe he will realize what he did was wrong and get on with his life."

"Let's hope that is what happens, but I'm not taking any chances. I'm hiring security guards to protect Joan and Evie."

"Wow. How do you think Joan will feel having someone watching her?"

"Joan will never know because I'm not telling her. I'm paying for protection to keep Joan and Evie safe, and to save my fucking sanity."

"And what happens if Joan finds out you did this without consulting her?"

"I'll deal with it later."

"You better hope she doesn't beat the shit out of you."

"Why would she do that? I am only trying to protect her and Evie."

"Good luck with that. Do you want to do something this weekend? Get away for a few hours?"

"What do you have in mind?"

"Well, I have four tickets to the Eagles game on Sunday. Do you think Dad and Joey would like to come with us? Make it a man's day out. Get away from everything for a few hours, and have a little fun. We can get something to eat before the game."

"That sound so good, but I don't want to commit until I talk to Joan. I don't know how long she will be in the hospital. Can I get back to you at the end of the week? I need to get back to Joan," I say and walk towards the door. Ethan grabs my arm, and when I turn around, he gives me a man hug and a pat on the back. "Love you, brother."

My throat is tight with emotion as I whisper back to him, "Love you too, Ethan."
Chapter 2

Jerry

The conversation with Ethan weighs heavily on my mind, and I've lost my appetite. I grab my food tray and walk back to the cafeteria to dispose of my uneaten food. Once I've dumped everything into the trash receptacle, I grab a large coffee, and walk over to one of the tables by the window and sit down. My mind is troubled, and I take a few minutes to just stare out of the window at the passing cars, and reflect on my conversation with Ethan. I hear a chair scrape on the floor, and when I look up, I see a nurse pushing Joan in a wheelchair. I am surprised and happy to see her.

"Hi," she says timidly. "I had to get out of my hospital room. I feel like I'm climbing the walls. I called your office, and the nurse told me you were in the cafeteria. I told the nurse that you would take me back to my room."

"How do you feel? I checked on you earlier, and you were sleeping."

"Whatever the nurse gave me knocked me out, and it helped with the pain."

I walk around the table and sit next to Joan. God, I want to lift her out of that fucking wheelchair and cradle her in my arms. Seeing Joan bruised and battered is killing me. "Are you hungry?" I ask her.

"I am a little hungry, and I would love a cup of coffee."

"Sorry honey. No coffee while you are taking pain medication. The two do not mix well. How about a muffin and a glass of apple juice."

"How about two muffins and a glass of apple juice."

"Whatever you want honey. I'll be back in a minute."

Joan

How did my life get so out of control? Why is what happened to Roger my fault? I did not force the drugs down his throat! I did everything I could to support Roger, and this is how he repays me? With a fist to the gut, and fingerprint marks around my neck? God, the look on Jerry's face when he saw the bruises kills me. Is it fair to Jerry to drag him into this mess? Roger will come back, I know it, and I feel like running again. I still do not understand how he found me. When I feel Jerry's hand touch my shoulder, I break into a million pieces. I don't want to cry in front of a room full of people, but I can't help it. Jerry lifts me out of the wheelchair and sits me on his lap. Protective, loving arms wrap around me, and I bury my face in the crook of his neck and cry.

"It's okay baby. Let it out. I know you're scared, but you have me now, and we are in this together."

"What if he comes back again? How can I protect myself? I have to find a new place to live."

"Don't worry honey. I will help you. Lean on me, Joan."

"If I knew this was going to happen, I never would have agreed to this relationship."

I feel Jerry tense under me, and I know I've hurt him, but I must be honest. It's not right continuing this relationship, and he needs to know how I feel. I feel his lips brush against my neck, and then he whispers to me, "You will never leave me, Joan. Do you understand what I am saying? No one will take you away from me. I will protect you."

"How are you going to protect me?" I feel him tense again.

"Well, I was going to keep this to myself, but you've forced my hand by threatening to end our relationship. I can't let that happen honey, so I have no other choice but to hire personal security for you and Evie. You will have a shadow, and so will Beverly and Evie. No one will get close to you again. I'll make sure of it."

"It's too much Jerry. I don't want you paying for something that should be my responsibility. I will handle it." Jerry tilts up my face, so we are eye to eye, and what he says next breaks my heart, but also gives me hope for the future.

"I was in love once, a long time ago. Mary and I met in college, and we lived together for two years. I loved her deeply and thought at the time that we would have a beautiful life together. We just clicked, you know. We did everything together. I was the happiest I had ever been in my life. I asked Mary to marry me on New Year's Eve, and a year later, we were to be married. I never saw any indication that she had changed her mind about getting married. I remember the day of the wedding as if it were yesterday. I was a nervous wreck, but I knew that at the end of the day, I would have what I wanted most in life."

"We grew concerned when Mary was late arriving at the church. I called the apartment several times and called the hotel where her parents were staying. I was worried sick that something happened to them on the way to the church. Two hours later, her sister showed up at the church, and she wasn't wearing her gown. That's when I knew something was terribly wrong. She handed me a letter, apologized to everyone, and told us that Mary did not want to get married."

"I had to face a church full of people and say that the bride had changed her mind. I remember the shocked look on their faces as I stood before them with tears in my eyes. I really couldn't understand what was happening at the time. I think I was in shock, and after everyone had gone home, my father read the letter to me."

"What was in the letter devastated me. I remember Mary complaining a few weeks before the wedding that she was tired, and we thought it was due to the last minute wedding preparations. I told her to go to her doctor to get checked because I didn't want her to be sick on our wedding day. One week and many tests later, Mary received a diagnosis that changed our lives. Mary had a brain tumor. She was only twenty-five years old! I am a doctor, and I still do not understand how this can happen to someone so young."

"When her parents called me a few months later to tell me she had died, I went off the rails for a few years. All of my plans for the future died with her. I no longer cared about having a wife and children. I threw myself into my work, and it made me what I am today. Her death hardened my heart to the extent that I will shut down to protect myself. I've only had casual relationships, Joan. Sex for me was just a release. I am not like Ethan. A part of my heart died with Mary. I think what hurt the most was that Mary lied to me. I would have taken care of her, and shared what time she had left with her, but Mary pushed me away. Her parents shielded her from me. They wouldn't let me see her. I had no idea where they had taken her. It kills me that she died alone without me telling her that I still loved her. Her death killed the part of me that had hope for the future, for children, for a happy life."

"I had none of that after she died, and I had to live with the fallout. My job became my life. Eighty hours a week wasn't enough to drown out the memories. As time passed, the pain eased, but the work schedule remained consistent. Casual dating and casual sex felt safe for me. I didn't have to explain my feelings. I didn't have to get caught up in the drama of working at a relationship. And then Diane had the accident, and everything changed for me." I stop speaking for a minute as the memories of that day in the operating room twists my gut, and when I feel Joan's hand caress my face, the world rights itself again.

"It's okay Jerry. You don't have to talk about this now. Your face is beet red. Are you all right?"

"Am I okay? I don't think I've been okay for over fifteen years. Let me finish, please. I want you to give me a chance, Joan. I feel something that I've never felt in any other relationship. I feel hope for the first time since Mary died, and I don't want to lose that feeling. I love being with you and Evie. The best part of my day is the time that I spend with both of you. I've never had this before Joan, and it feels good. I feel lighter than I have in a very long time. Both of us have issues in the past that we carry with us. I hope we can help each other get past our past. Wow, that sounds stupid! You know what I mean, don't you?"

"Yes, I do know what you mean, but I'm frightened, Jerry. Roger is unstable. What happens six months from now when you get tired of the drama? I have had so much taken from me the past few years. I don't want to lose you too."

"I am not going anywhere, Joan. Don't you understand? I want to run towards you, not away from you. I want to love and protect you and Evie. I know this sounds chauvinistic, but you belong to me. I knew it the minute I laid eyes on you. Please do not push me away because it will kill me."

I sigh and rest my aching head on his shoulder. "What are you doing to me, Jerry? I feel all mushy inside."

"Mushy is fantastic sweetheart because it means you feel something for me, too."

"I do Jerry, and once my head stops pounding, I will be able to think clearly. I want this relationship to work, and whatever you need to do to keep us safe, I will gladly accept."

"Thank you, honey."

"For what?"

"For letting me take care of you. For being my girl. For... everything. I know life is chaotic right now, but it won't last forever."

"I hope it doesn't, Jerry. Life hasn't been easy since my divorce."

"Let me make it better, baby."

"Yes, please."

Jerry wheels me back to my room and helps me to bed. Then, he takes off his shoes and climbs into bed next to me. Jerry lifts his arm, and when I curl up against his warm body, I feel all of the muscles in my body relax. Laying next to Jerry is where I belong, and the realization of that fact makes me happy. I close my eyes and fall into a peaceful sleep. When I open my eyes again, Jerry is still holding me in his arms. I feel his lips brush against my temple as he pulls me closer to his warm body.

"Did you sleep well, honey?"

"Yes, I had a lovely pillow to comfort me while I slept. Can we do this again?"

"Hell yeah. I hate to leave you, but I have to get back to work. I'll be back in time to have dinner with you. How do you feel?"

"I feel much better since our talk. Thank you, Jerry, for taking care of Evie and me. I can't begin to tell you how good it feels knowing you will protect us."

"Never doubt how I feel about you and Evie. The two of you are my girls now, and it feels so damn good saying that. Go back to sleep, and I'll see you in a few hours. Give me a kiss before I go honey. I need it."

When our lips meet, it feels different this time, more urgent, more loving. Something happened between us today that changed the dynamics of our relationship, and it feels wonderful.

*****

Shortly after Jerry leaves my room, I receive a call from Philadelphia's Assistant District Attorney Chris Lucas.

"Good afternoon Ms. Randall. How are you feeling today?"

"I ache all over, but I will recover. Thank you. Are you calling about the criminal charges?"

"Yes, and I am also calling to let you know that Mr. Randall's father posted bail, and Roger is on his way back to New York, pending a psychological evaluation and a drug test."

"That doesn't surprise me. Judge Randall is an influential man, and maybe now Roger will get the help that he needs."

"I spoke to one of the officers in the county jail, and he told me that Mr. Randall was agitated and appeared to have the shakes. After Judge Randall had posted bail, he met with Roger in the holding room, and the two of them had a loud argument."

"Clifford Randall has been inserting himself into Rogers life since college, and the pressure he placed on Roger to live up to his expectations is what broke him. Roger wanted to live a simple life, but Clifford's constant pressure to succeed led Roger to make bad decisions. He ignored his family. He worked crazy hours, and when Roger was unable to keep up that hectic pace, he self-medicated, and his personality changed. Roger will have a difficult time now that Clifford is once again pulling strings."

"Are you still pursuing criminal charges? I ask this because Judge Randall had a private conversation with my superior, and he requested that 'this problem' go away. That is not how the District Attorney's office works, Ms. Randall. We do not brush criminal behavior under the rug, and if you still wish to pursue the charges against Mr. Randall, my office will make that happen."

"Yes, I do want to file charges."

"Okay. Let me explain the process. A criminal case usually gets started with a police arrest report. I already have a copy of the report. The prosecutor then decides what criminal charges to file if any. After an arrest, the police report goes to an attorney, whose job it is to initiate and prosecute cases. An arrest report summarizes the events leading up to the arrest and provides many details, such as dates, times, locations, and witness names and addresses if available."

"The prosecutor will typically either determine that the case should be charged as a felony or a misdemeanor, and file a complaint which is the  charging document, with the court. At that point, the District Attorney's office decides whether we have enough evidence to proceed with a court trial. If there is insufficient evidence, a grand jury will decide if there is enough evidence to proceed with a court trial."

"A police officer specifies the crime or crimes that serve as the basis for an arrest. Officers may recommend that the prosecution files additional charges. But prosecutors get to make the ultimate decision on what the charges will be. A defendant, typically learns what the formal charges will be at the first court appearance. Keep in mind that the prosecutor's initial charges are subject to change. For example, a prosecutor may not make a final decision on what charges to file until after a preliminary hearing, which may take place more than a month after arrest."

"The bottom line, Ms. Randall, is that the District Attorney's office, and its officers, act in the best interest of the victim, with no outside influence. I already have the criminal complaint prepared, and once you sign it, I will file it with the court. Once I file the criminal complaint, I will petition for the first available spot on the docket. Mr. Randall will be notified via courier when he is required to appear in court for the initial hearing."

"Thank you, Mr. Lucas. This entire situation is upsetting. My daughter is traumatized by what happened to me. All I want is for Roger to stay away from me."

"May I be honest with you, Ms. Randall?"

"Yes, please."

"I would suggest you think about protection. I don't mean a weapon. I was thinking about personal security."

"My boyfriend already suggested that, and he is in the process of making that happen."

"That is a wise decision, Joan. I have seen this more times than I care to say, and most times, it ends with another assault. I don't want that to happen to you."

"Neither do I."

*****

Jerry arrives in my room promptly at five, followed by his parents. Catherine sits down on the edge of my bed and holds my hand. "Oh, honey, how could Roger do this to you? Are you okay?"

Her concern touches me deeply. It's easy to see where Jerry and Ethan get their empathy. Stephen stands in the background, arms folded over his chest, and he looks pissed off. "Yes, I feel a little better Catherine. Thank you for asking."

Jerry takes off his shoes, climbs into bed with me again, and kisses me. "Miss me, baby?" he asks me.

I nod my head yes, clearly a little flushed by the attention. Stephen sits in the chair next to my bed, and he is still scowling. The three of them exchange glances, and I am immediately tense. "What's wrong?"

Jerry wraps an arm around me. "I spoke to my dad about hiring security for you and Evie, and he has an idea that we want to run by you. Dad is a retired doctor, and over the years, he has treated hundreds of police officers. He has several friends that he plays golf with every week who are retired police. My dad called some of them this afternoon and explained the situation with Roger. Dad, why don't you tell Joan what they suggest."

"Well, okay. As Jerry said, I play golf with eight retired detectives and two police chiefs. I called some of them this afternoon and asked if they know of a reputable agency that can provide protection for you and Evie. My buddy Joe has a good idea, and in about five minutes, my golf buddies will be here to offer their services, free of charge. They are bored out of their minds Joan, and they are more than willing to help you. Between the ten of them, they have over one hundred and twenty-five years of experience."

And on cue, all ten men walk into my hospital room. Jesus, they look like linebackers, rather than retired police officers. I stare at them, unable to form words. Jerry laughs and holds my hand. "They are a little intimidating, aren't they?"

"Um, yeah."

One of them walks over to my bed and extends his hand. "Hello Joan, my name is Joe Riley. The other assholes in the room will introduce themselves later. I have designated myself the spokesperson for this group of old farts. Well, we are not old, just bored. We would like to help you, Joan. There is nothing we hate more than a fucking ex-husband who takes his anger out on the ex-wife. He's lucky he is in New York because if I ever get my hands on him, he'll be eating his balls for dinner."

Everyone in the room cracks up laughing, myself included, which makes my side hurt like a bitch. "That makes me feel so much better. Thank you for helping my baby and me."

"It's our pleasure, ma'am. Give us a day to set up the schedule. We have more than enough men and time to cover both of you twenty-four hours a day, and as we told Steve this afternoon, free of charge. We do not want your money. We only want to protect you. Steve has been our friend for over thirty years. We have watched Jerry and Ethan grow into fine young men. You are now a part of the Miller family. That's all we need to know."

"I don't know what to say. Thank you so much. I will rest easier knowing all of you are protecting us."
Chapter 3

Jerry

"I can't see him," Joan says as I wheel her to my car.

"That's the point of protection. The security detail can see you, but you can't see the men following you. It is covert operations, honey. They know what they are doing. Don't worry about it. I feel much better knowing someone will always be watching the two of you. Let's get you home and into bed. I want you to rest for the remainder of the week. No bending, and no lifting."

"I have no desire to lift or pick up anything. I intend to stay in bed until the weekend."

"Good. How is Evie?"

"I called the house last night and spoke to my mom. Evie's wet the bed every night since I've been in the hospital. She won't eat and hides in her room. I am worried about her. Evie reacted this way when we moved in with my mother. Mom told me that Evie witnessed the attack. I never wanted this for my baby. How could Roger do this to us? Logically, I know the ramifications of drug abuse, but isn't there one shred of remorse within him? Doesn't he remember all of the happy years?"

"Do you think Evie will be afraid of me again?"

"I honestly don't know. Take me home Jerry. I need to see my baby."

As we drive home, I look in the rearview mirror, and I see the car following us. Good, this is what I want. I look over at Joan, and she is asleep. Joe was right about one thing, this is not over, and I know Roger will not be satisfied until he seriously hurts Joan. I will not let that happen. When we arrive at Joan's house, she is still sleeping. "Wake up honey. We're home."

I carry Joan into the house, and up to her bedroom. Evie is in the living room, and when she sees me, she runs away from me. I now have my answer. It's back to square one with Evie, and that's okay. I'll do whatever it takes to help her. After I have Joan comfortably situated in bed, I give her a pain pill, kiss her forehead, and leave the room. What she needs now is rest.

I hear Beverly in the kitchen with Evie. No time like the present to address the elephant in the room. I walk into the kitchen and sit in the chair next to Evie. Beverly hands me a mug of coffee, which I gratefully accept. "Thank you, Beverly."

"Are you hungry?" She asks me. "We are about to get something to eat."

"I am starving. Lunch sounds good to me."

I turn in my chair to face Evie, and when I reach out to hold her hand, she pulls away from me. I get down on the floor to be eye level with her. "Do you want to talk about it, Evie?"

Evie shakes her head no. I need another tactic. "Can you keep a big secret?" Evie looks at me but says nothing. "Do you remember how much fun you had with my mom and dad at the wedding? My dad is a lot of fun, isn't he? He wants to help you and Mommy."

"What is the secret?"

"My dad has a lot of friends who were police officers, and they have volunteered to protect you and Mommy. Come with me to the window. I want to show you something." Evie follows me to the window, and I point to the car that I saw following us from the hospital. I recognize the person behind the wheel.

"Do you see that black car?" Evie nods her head yes. "The man in that car is one of my dad's friends. Someone will always be here to watch the house, and Mommy will have someone watching her at work. We know your dad is sick, and they have agreed to watch over the two of you. No one will hurt Mommy again."

Evie stares silently at the car for several minutes. All of this turmoil is too much for a six-year-old to comprehend. All she knows is that Mommy is hurt, and she is afraid. I leave her standing by the window and walk back to the kitchen. Beverly is watching us.

Beverly says, "How could Roger do this to his child? I don't understand any of this."

"I don't know the answer to that Beverly. I need your opinion. I want to call Clifford Randall. I want assurances that Roger will stay in New York, and not bother Joan again. I want to hear it from his fucking mouth. Do you think Joan will be pissed that I've called him?"

"Yes, she will be pissed, and I am not sure calling him will have any effect on the situation with Roger. Clifford has been a thorn in her side since the day of the wedding, and they have had a rocky relationship since that day. Clifford could not control her, and that pissed him off. Roger is a weak person. I always knew this, but I had hoped that he would grow a pair of balls once he married Joan. I never understood what she saw in him. Don't get me wrong, he was a nice person, but his family, especially his father, controlled Roger's life. I witnessed many occasions where Clifford inserted himself into their life, and it annoyed me because Joan remained silent rather than confront the situation."

"I knew something was wrong in their marriage when Joan would go weeks without calling me. The first time I saw the bruises, I asked her to come home with me. She said it was an accident, and that Roger apologized. The abuse escalated quickly, and within a year, she filed for divorce. The last time Roger hit her, Joan's injuries were awful. Her neck looked worse than it does now. Roger won't stop until he hurts her. Thank you for protecting my daughter and my grandbaby."

"I want you to be alert, Beverly. If you sense anything suspicious, call the police, and get everyone to a safe location in the house."

"Do you think Roger will come back?"

"It's not a matter of if, but when."

Evie comes back into the kitchen, and the three of us eat lunch in silence. I want so much to stay with Joan today, but reluctantly, I make the decision to go home. I call Joan later in the afternoon.

"How about breakfast Saturday morning at the Pennypack Diner? That will give you five days to relax. I have to start over with Evie. I could strangle Roger for doing this to her. She's afraid of me again Joan, and that upsets me."

"I woke up and found Evie in bed with me, and I had to ask my mother to change the sheets."

"Is there anything that I can do?"

"Just be patient with her, Jerry. You got through to her once before all of this happened. Give her time to realize that you are one of the good guys."

"I hate this Joan. I fucking hate seeing the fear in her eyes."

Jerry

I've done nothing else but think about breakfast on Saturday since I've talked to Joan. I feel like my future is hanging in the balance. I need leverage, and I know where to go to get it. I arrive at Ethan's house around dinner time. When I walk in the front door, Kellie ambushes me, with Fluffy right behind her.

"Uncle Jerry! Pick me up!"

I bend down, lift Kellie into my arms, and twirl her around the room. The smile that lights up her face is a beautiful sight to see.

"Can you eat dinner with us?"

"I'd love to eat with you, Munchkin."

I hear Diane call out from the kitchen. "Kellie honey, help Mommy set the table."

"Okay, Mommy." Kellie runs into the dining room, with her little dog following her.

I see Ethan walking towards me with a beer in hand. He gives me an open bottle, and I sit down and watch Kellie run around the dining room table.

"She looks happy, Ethan."

"She is, and Fluffy follows her everywhere. It's so comical because that dog has become her everything. They eat together. They sleep together. Diane found her in the bathtub last night with the damn dog. If Kellie could get away with it, she would take Fluffy to school with her."

"Would you mind if I take Kellie out to breakfast Saturday morning? And maybe a trip to the Aquarium? I'd like to spend a little time with her."

"She would like that, Jerry. She misses spending time with you. How is Joan feeling?"

"She's home now and resting, and I am back to square one with Evie. She witnessed what happened and is afraid of me again."

"At least now you know what to do. Give it time, Jerry."

"I have nothing but time. What else can I do?"

I hear Diane call out from the kitchen. "Dinner's ready." Ethan and I walk into the dining room, and I sit next to Kellie.

"Where's Joey?"

"He is still at the library," Diane says. "I have a plate for him in the warming oven. I don't understand why he feels the need to study during the summer months. He is just like his father!"

Ethan is offended by her remark. "And what's wrong with that?"

Diane laughs. "Nothing's wrong, honey. I was only making a comparison about how dedicated our son is to his studies. You were the same way in college. How quickly we forget."

"I remember everything, sweetheart. Do you want me to talk to him?"

"Yes, that would be a good idea. Joey needs a little downtime. I do not want him studying through his summer break. I don't want him living in the library."

"I will speak to him tonight."

"You do that, or I will do it for you. I don't want my son burned out before school starts."

Ethan reaches out to hold Diane's hand. "I missed this so much. I love it when you get wound up."

"If you don't talk to our son, I will get more than wound up. Io metterò il mio piede su per il culo." The English translation is, "I will put my foot up your ass!"

Ethan blinks several times, then becomes emotional. Kellie is confused when Ethan gets up and walks away from the table. "Where is Daddy going, Uncle Jerry? He looks sad."

Diane gets up from the table and follows my brother. The two of them always argued in Italian around the kids, and this is the first time that I've heard Diane speak the language since she regained her memories.

"Your Mom just remembered how to speak Italian."

"She did?" Kellie is bouncing in her chair.

"Yeah, and your dad is a little emotional."

I get up from the table and walk into the kitchen where I see Diane pressed up against the refrigerator, and Ethan is all over her in a hot, steamy, panty-drenching kiss. His hand is up Diane's dress, and I just turn around and walk back to the dining room. Several minutes later, Ethan and Diane return to the table a little flustered and grinning from ear to ear. The remainder of the evening is relaxing and animated. Kellie goes on and on about the dog. Fluffy did this. Fluffy did that. I suddenly realize that I'm lonely, and it's so depressing.

"Kellie honey, I want to take you out for breakfast Saturday morning, and then we can go to the Aquarium."

"Can I have pancakes? I won't go unless I can have pancakes."

"You can have anything you like," I tell her.

"Can I have whipped cream and sprinkles on my pancakes?"

"Yes, as long as the diner has whipped cream and sprinkles."

Kellie gets up from the table and runs to the kitchen. She comes back with a can of whipped cream and a container of sprinkles.

"Bring these with you in case they don't have it."

Diane, Ethan and I break out into laughter. Can you see me walking into a restaurant with a can of whipped cream in my pants pocket? I hear the old saying in my head. 'Is that a can of whipped cream in your pocket, or are you just happy to see me?' I think I'll put it in my messenger bag. As I get ready to leave the house, I bend down to speak to Kellie.

"Kellie honey, I need your help on Saturday."

"You need my help? I'm just a kid!"

"I need your help with Evie. Something awful happened to her mom, and Evie is upset. Can you help me make her happy again?"

"Is her mom okay? What happened to her?"

"It is a grown-up issue honey, and you are too young to understand."

"I'm not a baby, Uncle Jerry. You can tell me."

"Evie's dad hurt her mom. That's all I will say."

"Oh, that's wrong Uncle Jerry. I will help Evie. You can count on me."

Joan

I'm nervous. Why am I nervous? It's only breakfast. I will not let Roger ruin the rest of my life. I want to enjoy this day, and damn it, I will. I stayed in bed for most of the week, and thankfully my body no longer aches, and the scrapes on my hands and knees no longer sting. I manage to hide the bruises with a little concealer and foundation. I have no choice but to put a thin scarf around my neck.

"Where are we going, Mommy?"

"Jerry wants to take us out to eat breakfast, honey." I see the fear in Evie's eyes, and it kills me. "You know Jerry will protect us. Do you remember Jerry showed you his friend outside in the car? We have someone to protect us, honey."

"I don't want to go Mommy. I'm scared."

I lift my daughter onto my lap, and my heart breaks as I feel her little body tremble against mine. I could hurt Roger for doing this to my baby. "Sweetie, listen to me. I know what Daddy did to me made you afraid, but all men are not like Daddy. Do you remember what the therapist told you? She said not to judge other people because of what Daddy did to us. You know that Jerry is our friend."

"You'll hold my hand?"

"Yes, I'll hold your hand, sweetheart. I want you to have fun this morning. Can you do that for me?"

"I'll try not to be scared Mommy, as long as you hold my hand."

"After breakfast, do you want to go to the Aquarium and see the sharks?"

"Can we Mommy? I love the sharks!"

"Okay. That's what we will do. Breakfast, and then we are off to see the sharks." An unexpected trip to see the sharks has my daughter relaxing somewhat as we drive to the diner. I call Jerry once we are in the car. "Hi, we're leaving now. I'll see you in about twenty minutes."

"Okay. We will be there in about five minutes."

"Who are we?"

"My niece, Kellie. I'll explain later."

Upon entering the diner, my eyes find Jerry sitting at a table with his niece. Evie is frightened by the noise in the restaurant, and so I pick her up and whisper in her ear. "It's just breakfast, honey. Nothing to be afraid of." My ribs protest the sudden weight, but I push back the pain.

My mother is behind me, and when I point in the direction of where Jerry is sitting, she whispers in my ear, "He is a good man, Joan."

"I know. I am so lucky to have Jerry in my life. I just hope the drama doesn't drive him away."
Chapter 4

Jerry

My eyes lock onto Joan, and my heart skips a beat. The thought of not having her and Evie in my life is unacceptable. I must find a way to get through to Evie once again. I stand as they approach the table, and I can see why Joan is concerned about Evie. The look of fear on her face is awful. I whisper to Kellie. "Be kind to Evie, honey. What happened with her dad has her scared of me again."

"Okay, Uncle Jerry. I am always nice."

I lean in and kiss Kellie's forehead. "Yes, you are, sweetheart." When I look up, Joan is standing at the table.

"Hi, Jerry. Sorry, we're late. Evie had a hard time this morning, but we are here now."

Before I have a chance to say anything, Evie turns her face into Joan's neck and cries. My eyes lock on to Joan, and I know what's going to happen. She wants to take Evie home. Evie will never get over her shyness if she doesn't interact with other people. I know what happened with Roger tips the scale, but as long as he is living and breathing, he won't stop aggravating Joan.

"Joan, please sit down. Give Evie a minute to calm down."

Joan looks at me hesitantly but does as I ask. Evie wraps her little arms around Joan's neck and buries her face in Joan's hair. I kneel down to be eye level with Evie and say, "Hi, sweetheart. I am glad you came with Mommy. Are you hungry?"

Evie shakes her head no. Okay, this is going to be a challenge. "I brought my niece Kellie with me today. She loves coming here to eat breakfast. Kellie honey, can you come over here and say hello to Evie."

Kellie walks over to me, wraps her arms around my neck, and kisses my cheek. My arm goes around her, and I pull her closer to me.

"Hi, Evie."

Kellie is all over me. She is animated, and because she is hanging on to me, I fall on my ass. Everyone laughs, and when I look up, Evie has a little smile on her face. "Can we try this again, Evie?" I outstretch my hand to her. "Do you want to have breakfast with me? You are safe, honey. It's just breakfast."

Evie stares at me for several seconds before she tentatively reaches out to hold my hand. "Hi, Doctor Jerry."

"Hi, Evie. Do you want to sit next to Kellie?"

Kellie jumps out of her seat and stands next to me. I think she senses Evie's fear.

"Uncle Jerry is the coolest uncle in the world. He saved my mommy when she hurt her head, and he takes me to the zoo, and he buys me cool things. Come on, sit next to me."

To my surprise, Evie sits next to Kellie, and as kids usually do, they start talking to each other. I see Joan visibly relax, and at that moment, our eyes meet, and she knows why I have Kellie with me. A smile brightens her beautiful face, and I see Beverly pat her on the back. We take our seats and order breakfast. "So, Kellie belly, do you still want pancakes?"

"Of course I do, Uncle Jerry. Did you bring the stuff with you?"

My messenger bag sits on the floor next to my chair, and I reach in and take out the condiments. Kellie claps her hands and turns to Evie. "The only way to eat pancakes is with whipped cream and sprinkles. Uncle Jerry, show Evie the pictures of me on your phone from Christmas. Wait till you see the pictures, Evie. My face looks funny."

I take my phone from my pocket and pull up the Christmas pictures. I hand Evie my phone, and she laughs at the picture of Kellie with whipped cream and sprinkles all over her face.

"Mommy, I want pancakes too!"

Again, Joan looks surprised. I raise a questioning eyebrow, and she sends me a text message.

I was expecting Evie to have a meltdown. Is this why you brought Kellie with you?

Yes, and no. I want to spend time with my niece and thought today would be the perfect day. Also, I want Evie to feel comfortable around me again, and if she sees another little girl with me, she will relax.

You hit the nail on the head. Thank you for making my baby feel safe.

I stare at Joan after reading her text. Heat creeps up my neck, and the inevitable tingling hits my balls. I am in big trouble. I cross my legs and will myself to calm the fuck down.

I respond: Did I also make Mommy happy?

Yes, and I am very grateful.

Joan

I stare dumbfounded at my daughter as she interacts with Kellie. Is this the same child that was afraid to leave the house less than an hour ago? Kellie and Evie haven't stopped chatting since we sat down to order breakfast. Kellie is regaling all of us about the antics of her dog Fluffy.

"Uncle Jerry, you have to bring Evie to my house to meet Fluffy. We can have a sleepover and drink hot chocolate and eat Mommy's cookies. We will have a lot of fun. Can she come over tonight?"

"It's not up to me, Kellie. You have to ask Joan, and you also have to ask Evie if she would like to sleep over."

Joan says, "Why don't we see how it goes today, and maybe sometime next month, Evie can come over to play with you."

"Okay, I can wait a month."

I look at Jerry and shake my head. Ten minutes later, the waitress serves our breakfast. I watch fascinated as Jerry expertly swirls just the right amount of whipped cream on Kellie's pancakes, topping it off with multi-colored sprinkles. Evie hasn't taken her eyes off Jerry the entire time.

"Doctor Jerry, can I have some too?"

My heart swells with love as I watch Jerry do the same thing for my daughter. Is he a child whisperer? I was so worried that the confrontation with Roger and Evie's fear would make her pull back from Jerry, but that's not happening, and I am so relieved. I know Jerry loves my daughter.

"How do you want your whipped cream, Evie? Do you want swirls, or do you want me to make a happy face?"

I watch Evie concentrate on his question. "Can I have a happy face?"

"You sure can. I make the best happy face."

Several of the patrons around our table watch Jerry as he makes the perfect happy face for my baby, and tops it off with sprinkles. He looks at Kellie and shakes his head no.

"Don't even think about it, Kellie. We are not at home, and I do not want to clean up the mess."

Kellie looks at Evie, then back at her pancakes, then at Jerry. Oh boy, I see it coming, and I try in vain to hold in the laugh bubbling up from me. Kellie smashes her face in the whipped cream, and to my utter shock, Evie does the same thing. I quickly grab my phone and take a few pictures.

"Kellie," Jerry says dryly, "you had to do that here, in a restaurant?"

"I had to show Evie how much fun it is to smash her face in whipped cream. Are you mad at me, Uncle Jerry?"

"No, honey, I'm not mad, but please, eat your breakfast while I get a few wet paper towels to clean up the mess."

"I'll help you," I say, as I follow Jerry to the restroom. As we walk through the restaurant, I hear several of the patrons laughing and pointing at our table.

Jerry shakes his head in disbelief. "I can't believe she did that, but I understand why. Kellie is such a sweet little girl. My brother is fortunate to have two beautiful children. I envy him."

"Honestly Jerry, I am in a state of shock. I never imagined Evie would do that. It gives me hope that what happened with her father will not permanently scar her."

"We have to talk about that later, Joan. I've worked so hard the past few months to make sure that Evie is comfortable around me, and I don't want her to relapse."

"I know, but not today. Today is all about fun. I'm taking Evie to the Aquarium after we finish breakfast."

"You're kidding me! Kellie wants to go to the Aquarium, and after breakfast, I was going to try to convince you and Evie to come with us."

Jerry

Breakfast is a success. The girls devour their pancakes, two glasses of milk, and are once again talking about the damn dog. Beverly takes this opportunity to grill me, and I happily answer her questions.

"What did Kellie mean when she said you saved her mother?"

I suddenly realize that I've not talked much about my family since I've met Joan. Honestly, I've been so wrapped up in our new relationship, that I unintentionally exclude what else is going on in my life. "It's a long story, so I'll give you the abbreviated version. Diane was hit head-on by a drunk driver and had a head injury that required surgery. It was an awful day for my family, and Diane lost her memory. It took over a year for her to regain her memories, ironically enough, at their wedding renewal ceremony. Diane and my father were walking down the ramp to the beach, and she fainted. No one knew what the hell had happened, so we all ran to where my father sat in the sand holding Diane in his arms. When she opened her eyes, her memories had returned. It was a very emotional day. She told us that she was having dreams that were memories, and when Diane saw Ethan standing on the beach in his tuxedo, it all came back to her in a flash, and she fainted."

"That must have been difficult operating on a family member," Beverly says. "Doesn't the hospital frown on doctors treating family members?"

"Yes, they do," I say with a tinge of anger in my voice, "but Diane's well-being is more important than me breaking hospital protocol. I love Diane, Ethan, and the kids more than I love my career."

"That's very admirable Jerry. Not many doctors would risk their career, but you did. That says something about you."

"It was the only option, Beverly. I'd do it again in a heartbeat."

Kellie interrupts our conversation. "Uncle Jerry, can we leave now? I want to see the sharks."

Ten minutes later, we walk to our cars, and once I buckle Kellie in her seat, I make sure Joan, Evie, and Beverly, are in the car.

"Do you know how to get to the Aquarium?" I ask Joan.

"Yes, I have the address on my GPS."

"Follow me. I want to make sure you get there okay."

"Alright. I'll follow you."

I get in my car and look in the rearview mirror to make sure Joan is behind me. I feel protective, and I also feel nervous that I feel protective. I know someone is tailing us, and that makes me feel somewhat at ease. Then, I think, is Roger also following us? Would the detectives know if someone is following them? As I drive, I call him.

"Hey, Jerry. I'm right behind Joan. No worries, okay?"

"I know. I can see you. I want to ask if you sense someone following you. I have a terrible thought that Roger is following us."

"Again, don't worry about it. It takes more than one person to protect five people. I have two other cars spaced out. If Roger is following Joan, we will provide intervention. Enjoy your day and don't worry about it."

"My dad is right about you guys. I wouldn't want to meet up with you in a dark alley. I can't thank you enough for doing this for Joan and her daughter."

"We are also doing this for you. I'm not stupid. I know you love Joan, even if you haven't talked about it... yet. Get with the program, Jerry."

I laugh at Bill's analogy because he's right. I have not discussed how I feel about Joan with many people. "I do love her, more than I can say."

"Then do something about it, asshole. You're not getting any younger!"

"You seriously just called me an asshole? Now I know where my dad gets his trash mouth. He's spending too much time on the golf course."

Bill laughs. "I only trash people that I like. Pay attention to your driving and hang up the phone. You wouldn't want me to call one of my cop buddies to pull you over and give you a ticket, would you?"

"Um, no sir, I am hanging up now." I would seriously hate to run into Bill in a dark alley, because I know, even at his age, that he would beat the ever loving shit out of my ass. Knowing all of them have my back is a comforting thought.

Joan

"I like him, Joan," I hear my mom say. That makes me happy, but I'm more concerned about Evie. While she felt relaxed with Kellie, Jerry is another issue. Roger took away the trust Evie finally had with Jerry. Months of hard work gone in a matter of minutes. I am only slightly worried because I know, deep down, that my baby is safe with Jerry. I look in the rearview mirror, and Evie is asleep in her booster seat.

"Earth to Joan. Is anyone home?"

I laugh. "Sorry Mom, I did hear you. I was thinking about Jerry."

"What's wrong? I thought you liked him."

"I do like him, but I'm worried about Evie. She was relaxed this morning, and I believe it was because Kellie was with Jerry. It makes me angry that Roger once again screwed with my life. Jerry worked so hard the past few months to gain Evie's trust, and it made my heart happy seeing her comfortable and happy with him. Now, we have to start all over again."

"There's only one way to find out, Joan. Jerry needs to spend a little time with her today, just the two of them. Stay close and watch her. The psychologist told you last year that Evie may relapse if her level of fear is over the top. She saw Roger hitting you, and it terrified my little grandbaby. She needs time to process this, and to feel safe again with Jerry. Today is the perfect opportunity for the two of them to reconnect."

"Why do I feel like I'm using my daughter?"

"That's not what you're doing, Joan! The longer this goes on, the greater the odds are of Evie never getting past her fear. Do you want that for her when she's a young adult? How will she function in high school and college? Do you want Evie to be afraid to leave the house?"

"No, Mom, that's not what I want!"

"Then let Evie get her feet wet."

I'm quiet for a few seconds, then respond. "Evie is not the only one who is struggling with this, Mom. I am tired of Roger messing with my life. It's bad enough that he used me as a punching bag, but I will not let him get between Jerry and me. I'm falling in love with him, Mom."

My mother is eerily quiet as she absorbs this bombshell. "I don't know what to say. I hope this works for you, Joan. I want you to be happy, and I know you haven't been happy for a very long time."

"Yeah, I hope this works because I'm tired of being alone. I want to be happy, Mom, and I want my baby to smile again. It's been so long since I've seen a genuine smile on her face, and hear the sound of Evie's cute little laugh. She was just starting to relax when Roger showed up at our house."

"What happens next?" My mom asks.

"I don't know. I am waiting for the District Attorney's office to contact me. They filed the charges, and now I have to wait for the hearing. I have a lot of people trying to help me. I just pray that it's enough to keep Roger out of my life. God forgive me, but I wish he'd overdose and end it all. Roger is unstable. He proved that when he showed up at my house and traumatized my daughter. I do not want him near my baby. The court is obligated to enforce the restraining order. I don't want to talk about this Mom. Let's enjoy the day."

Jerry

I sense a change in mood when Joan exits her car. Beverly is also frowning. What the hell happened in forty-five minutes? I stand close enough to her to whisper, "Are you okay? You look upset."

"Can we talk about it later? I don't want to spoil Evie's day."

"Call me when you get home. I want to help you, Joan. I hope you know that."

"I do, Jerry, and that makes me feel protected. I haven't felt that way in a long time."

"You have me now, sweetheart."

"Yes, I do."

Beverly holds Kellie and Evie's hands, and the three of them walk in front of us. I wrap my arm around Joan, and she lifts her hand to link our fingers. I kiss her temple and whisper in her ear, "You are not getting rid of me anytime soon. I'm all in, sweetheart. Do you know what that means?" I feel Joan squeeze my fingers.

"Yes, I do, and I'm all in too."

The aquarium is overrun with kids today, and I feel a headache creeping up the back of my neck. Once we are in the building, we take a right turn and head towards the shark tank. I love this part of the aquarium. There are two divers in the water, and they speak through their face masks to the crowd sitting in front of the tank. Huge sharks swim around the divers. Joan sits next to me and has Evie on her lap. No time like the present to break the ice once again.

"Evie, do you like the sharks? Aren't they big?"

"Uh huh, I like them."

Okay, not much of a response, but it's something. "Look at that one in the corner! It's huge. Oh man, the scuba diver is right next to it. Do you think he's afraid of the shark?"

No response. Joan steps in. "Honey, Jerry asked you a question. Do you think the scuba diver is afraid of the shark?"

"He wouldn't be in there if he was scared."

I try another tactic. "Evie, do you want to get closer to the sharks? I can carry you." Fuck, the look on her face hits me hard. She's terrified of me, and I don't know what to do.

"Uncle Jerry, you can take me closer if you want to."

I take Kellie's hand and lead her down the steps. I lift her up so that she's sitting on my shoulders. "You're getting big Kellie belly. I don't know how much longer I can do this without breaking my neck." Kellie grabs onto my hair, and I bite back the pain. She's doing this on purpose, the little bugger.

"Get closer, Uncle Jerry. I want to see them up close."

I move closer to the window and look up at the massive sharks as they hover in the water. It's a beautiful animal, and I stand transfixed as the divers swim around them. After about five minutes, my shoulders are screaming at me, and I set Kellie down on the floor.

"That's the last time I let you sit on my shoulders. You weigh a ton, sweetheart."

"I do not. You're lying. I'm still a kid!"

"You're a big kid. Let's go back to our seats."

Evie is watching my interaction with Kellie. I see something in her eyes, and I say to her, "Evie, do you want to come with me to see the sharks?"

This time, she timidly nods her head yes. My eyes meet Joan's, and she nods her approval. I pick up Evie and descend the steps again. I feel her trembling in my arms, and I whisper in her ear, "You are safe with me Evie. Do you remember all of the fun we've had? You know you can relax with me."

"Okay, Doctor Jerry."

My heart skipped a beat or two, and I let out the breath I've been holding. I still have Evie in my arms, and I feel her relax. No child should carry around the amount of fear that Evie has now. How could any parent inflict such debilitating fear in their children? I lift her onto my shoulders, and her little arms go around my neck. "Are you okay up there Evie?"

"This is fun, Doctor Jerry."

I gave up months ago asking Evie to call me Jerry. No sooner did I have Evie relaxed when the asshole standing next to me screams at his kid for acting up, and then he hit the boy on the back of the head several times. Evie sees this, and her arms tighten around my neck. She's crying, and I do the best I can to soothe her, but it's not enough, and then I feel a warm wetness run down my back. This scared innocent child just peed down my back. I turn to see Joan is running down the steps. I'm afraid to move her now because obviously, her pants are wet.

"Give her to me Jerry."

"No, not here. I'll follow you to the ladies room. Don't make a scene Joan. Evie is already upset. Don't make it worse for her. I'll follow you." On the way up the steps, I ask Beverly to get Kellie and come with us. Once we reach the ladies room, I lift Evie from my shoulders and pass her to Joan.

"I'm sorry Mommy. I didn't mean to wet my pants."

"It's okay baby. We'll get you fixed up in a few minutes." She hands Beverly the car keys. "Mom, go out to my car and get the bag in the trunk."

As I watch Joan take Evie into the ladies room, a myriad of emotions hits me. I feel helpless. I feel angry, and I feel love. I turn to Beverly and say, "I feel like I'm back at square one with Evie. I know this has happened before today. Evie must be very scared for this to happen in such a public place. I don't know what to do."

"Usually, it occurs in the car, or when Evie feels uncomfortable in new situations. I remember when we first moved here, Joan had to find a new pediatrician for Evie. My poor baby was so afraid because the doctor was a man that she wet herself in the waiting room. Evie is uncomfortable around people. If anyone else tried to pick her up, or even touch her, Evie would scream until she throws up. I need to get her clothes. I'll be back in a few minutes."

I forgot that Kellie was standing beside me and heard our conversation. She looks up at me with sad eyes. "Is Evie sick, Uncle Jerry?"

"No, honey. Evie had a little accident, and her grandmother is getting clean clothes for her."

"Oh, I understand, Uncle Jerry. That happened to me last year when Daddy took me to the amusement park. I was scared of the roller coaster and peed my pants. Is that what happened to Evie? Did the big man scare her?"

"Yes, he did honey. Loud voices scare Evie."

"He scared me too. I don't like it when adults hit kids. It's not nice."

"No, it's not nice. I agree with you."

While we wait for Beverly, Kellie and I walk over to the concession area, and I buy a tee shirt and toss my shirt in the trash can. I wet a few paper towels and ask Kellie to wipe down my back. Kellie and I are standing outside the ladies room when Beverly returns with Evie's clothes. Kellie reaches out for the bag.

"Can I give them to her? I want to be Evie's friend."

Beverly and I look at each other, and I nod my head in agreement. Beverly hands the bag to Kellie, and I watch her do a very mature thing. Today is the first time that my niece has shown empathy for another person, and I am so proud of her.
Chapter 5

Joan

It surprises me when I see Kellie walk into the bathroom with Evie's bag. "Where is my mother?"

"She is outside with Uncle Jerry. I want to bring this to you for Evie. Is she okay?"

Kellie looks over and sees Evie sitting on the counter. A knowing look passes between the two of them, and then I see Kellie walk over and hold my baby's hand.

"It's okay Evie. I did the same thing last year when I was at the amusement park."

"You did the same thing?"

"Yeah. It's no big deal."

It's no big deal? I am about to have a frigging heart attack, and Kellie tells my daughter it's no problem! I already adore this sweet child. Evie lets out a huge sigh and reaches for her bag.

"Do you need me to help you, honey?" I ask her.

"No Mommy. Kellie can help me."

And just like that, my daughter has a new friend. I watch in awe as Kellie walks to the sink with a few paper towels and wets them.

"Here, use these to wash. I'll get more for you to dry yourself."

I lift Evie off the counter and watch her take off the wet clothing. Something is different this time. Is it because Kellie empathizes with her? Is it because Kellie had the same kind of accident? The two of them work methodically, passing back and forth wet and dry paper towels. Five minutes later, Evie is once again in dry clothing, and my heart just about leaped out of my chest when Kellie hugs my daughter. Evie's arms go around Kellie, and then they laugh. If this day gets any more surreal, I just may pass out. When we exit the bathroom, the look on Jerry's face pierces me. The fierce look of protection emanating from him is a little intimidating. Jerry once again kneels down to be eye level with Evie.

"Are you okay Evie?"

Evie nods. "Yes, Doctor Jerry. I'm sorry I wet your shirt."

"Between you and me, I hated that shirt, and you did me a favor." He points to the huge shark on his tee shirt. "How do you like this one?"

"I like it because it's a shark."

"Do you want to see the jellyfish now? We still have a lot to see before we go home."

"Will you hold my hand?"

"I'd be honored to hold your hand, Evie."

The remainder of the day passes quickly. Jerry shelled out big bucks today, and by the end of our trip to the aquarium, Kellie and Evie have a bag full of goodies. They insisted that they get the same stuffed animals because they are friends now. One last trip to the ladies room and we are in the car. Jerry calls me because Kellie wants to talk to Evie as we drive home. The two of them go on and on about their toys, and the fun they had, and what they had to eat for lunch. Not once did they mention Evie's accident.

*****

Later that night, Evie finally calms down enough for me to get her into bed. Next to her are the stuffed shark and the hippopotamus. After I tuck her and her toys under the covers, I sit on the bed.

"Did you have fun today, Evie?"

"I had tons of fun Mommy. I like Doctor Jerry. I was afraid, and then Doctor Jerry said that we had a lot of fun before Daddy came back. He wanted me to remember how much fun we had. I don't want to be afraid Mommy. Is something wrong with me?"

"No, sweetheart. There is nothing wrong with feeling scared. Daddy also scared me. Honey, I want you to remember that Daddy is sick. That is why he scared you."

"He won't find us again, will he? Daddy scared me when he hurt you."

God, I hope he never sees us again. "No, honey. I don't think Daddy will come here again." I hate lying to my daughter.

"If he does come back, Doctor Jerry and the man in the car will protect us."

"Yes, honey. Jerry and his police friends will protect us." Once Evie is asleep, I crawl into bed and think about the day. Jerry was fantastic with Evie. I pick up my phone and call him.

He sleepily says, "Hello."

"Oh, sorry, did I wake you?"

"I passed out five minutes after my ass hit the recliner. God, two kids all day just about wiped me out."

"Welcome to my world."

"I have a new admiration for my brother and sister-in-law. Kellie is a handful, and Ethan and Diane are in for a shit load of trouble when she's a teenager. I can't wait to see that!"

"You are terrible. How can you say that about your sweet niece?"

"Don't get me wrong. I love my niece so much, but Kellie is hyperactive. Couldn't you see that today? She wore me out. I'm not getting any younger."

"You were fantastic with the kids today, especially Evie. She told me tonight that you asked her if she remembered all the fun the two of you had, and now she's no longer afraid of you."

No response. At first, I wonder if the line is disconnected, then I second guess what I had just said. "Jerry, are you there?"

"Yes, I'm here."

"What's wrong. You sound funny."

"Can I see you tonight? I need to see you right now."

I hear something in Jerry's voice that tells me I should follow my instincts. "Sure. I'll be waiting for you."

"I'll be there in forty-five minutes."

Jerry

What the fuck am I doing? I have an insane urge to hold Joan in my arms. This entire day threw me off kilter. Seeing Evie so upset about what happened, and how she once again trusts me with her safety, knowing her fear of men, did something to me. It feels like my life hangs in the balance, and I must follow my instincts. I can't shake the feeling that this is it for me. I'll never get a second chance if I do not follow my gut. I've never felt like this with another woman. Sure, I've screwed around plenty the past few years.

Looking back, it was a means of sexual release. I'm not proud of it, but it is what it is, and I won't apologize for taking what I want. I never disrespected anyone I dated, and the sex was always consensual. I don't want that kind of relationship with Joan. Like I said before, I want what Ethan has with Diane, and I want it with Joan. I need it to be Joan. I want to take care of Evie. I want to be a positive male role model for her. I don't want her ever to fear me.

It doesn't take long to drive to Joan's house. I park my car, but before I see her, I need to calm the fuck down. I don't want to appear desperate, but that's how I feel. Desperate to change the course of my life, both personally, and professionally. I see Joan looking out of the window. She knows I'm sitting here. What is Joan thinking? She probably thinks that I'm a fucking idiot! I get out of the car, and she opens the door for me. I wait for Joan to close the door before I reach for her, and Joan walks into my open arms. I bury my face in her soft hair, and the scent of lavender flew up my nose. My arms tighten around her, and we stand by the front door for several minutes, holding each other, not saying anything.

"I had to see you," I whisper in her ear.

"I'm happy you did, Jerry."

I take a deep audible breath and kiss her neck. Soft, silky skin meets my lips, and I fall a little deeper for her. "I don't understand what's happening to me, Joan. You've bewitched me. And, before you say anything, it's not about sex. I know we haven't gone there yet, but I hope one day soon, once things calm down, we can take a few days for ourselves. Go somewhere quiet for a long weekend."

"Then what is it about, because I feel something for you too."

"You do?"

"Yes. I only know that it feels right having your arms around me."

"Let's sit down, and I'll try to explain how I feel."

"I think that's a good idea. We've danced around our feelings for a few months, and I believe that it's time to put all of our cards on the table."

Once seated, I realize that this moment is a turning point in my life. Taking a leap of faith, I bare my soul to her. "I've been single my entire adult life. I work long hours at the hospital, and as the years passed me, I developed a bad habit. I have no patience for the little things that make a relationship work. I realized my lack of patience ruined many relationships, and eventually, I gave up and dated women of like mind. Sex for me was a means to an end, and I never hurt or took advantage of any woman that I dated. I was always honest with them, and explained what I wanted and did not want. Casual relationships worked for me for a long time. At some point in time, I felt unsatisfied and needed to change the course of my life."

"As unbelievable as it may sound, I haven't had sex in over a year. I lost the desire to continue as usual because it felt so unfulfilling to me. I want what my brother Ethan has. I want a wife, and if it's not too late for me, children, but I don't know how to get what I want. Suddenly, the tables turned on me, and the women I dated did not want what I wanted in life. They want careers and life with no commitments. How absurd is this? I am forty-six years old. Time is running out for me."

"When Diane had the car accident, I watched my brother shatter into a million pieces. It was awful Joan. I always broke his balls about the mushy shit he spewed about his wife. How can anyone have that type of connection, where two people are so close they think as one? I've seen it first hand Joan, and I want that. I want it more than I can say."

"The day I met you again was monumental for me. When you looked up at me with your beautiful blue eyes, I knew, I just knew you were it for me. Don't ask me how I knew, I just did. Feelings, and yes, sexual desire hit me quickly. I don't want you to think I'm crazy. I only want the opportunity to share my life with you, Joan. Good and bad. I want to know what you think, how you feel, your goals in life, what makes you happy, and what pisses you off. I want you to know these things about me also. I want Evie to feel safe with me. I'd never do anything to frighten her. I enjoyed today more than I can say, even if my ass is dragging on the ground. I guess I'm asking if you want the same things. I should tell you that I am very blunt, and I never bullshit anyone. What you see is what you get."

Well, I've said what I came here to say, and I sit and wait for Joan to respond. It is a long goddamn wait. She is looking at me. What is she thinking? Is she about to tell me to fuck off? When she reaches out to hold my hand, hope replaces fear.

"First, let me say that no man has made such an eloquent attempt to convince me to trust him. I'm flattered, and it has taken me a long time to feel confident enough to take the next step. I want the same things Jerry, and I thought I had it with Roger. I will not let him have access to my daughter. He scares me Jerry, and I can't go through that again. I won't expose Evie to that because as you can see, my baby already has more anxiety than she can handle."

"Looking back, I see many mistakes that I made with him. I trusted too much. I let him manipulate me. Sure, it was subtle, but hindsight is a bitch. You see every mistake you've made when another person is out of the equation. I won't let that happen to me again. I had to be punched around and slapped many times to wake up."

"I have strong feelings for you, Jerry. The past few months have been so happy for me, up until Roger showing up at my house, and scaring my baby again. You have been so patient and loving with my daughter, and now that I know how hard it is for you to have this type of relationship, I think I just fell a little deeper in lust for you. You haven't put pressure on me to jump into bed with you. Why is that, Jerry? Why are you waiting?"

"I haven't had sex in over a year, Joan. I can wait until you are ready. I knew the first day that I saw you again that you are different from the other women I've dated. I would never disrespect you, or myself, by forcing the issue. When the time is right, we'll know, and when we do make love for the first time, it will be special. Damn, I sound like a chick flick. You understand me, don't you?"

"Yes, I do know what you mean, and I am grateful that you understand my feelings about this. I've only been with one man, and I haven't dated much since my divorce. You snuck up on my blind side, and because you are Mike's best friend, I knew that I could trust you with the fragile state of my life as it is now. I'm sorry that I pulled you into this mess with Roger, but honestly, I can't go through this again alone. At the end of the day, I feel safe knowing I have you in my life. It makes me happy knowing how much you care for my daughter. That means more to me than I can say."

"I do care Joan, and it surprises me just how much I care about you and Evie. I feel protective, and at times, possessive. These feelings are new for me, considering how many years I've been alone. I want to leave you with something to think about."

I lean in, place both hands on her beautiful face, and brush my lips against hers. My whiskers scrape against her lips as I coax them open. I keep the kiss light and tender. I don't want to push my luck. I feel Joan relax into me as her arms go around my neck. She pulls me forward, and I'm now laying on top of her. My cock reacts, and I have no way to conceal my arousal. Joan feels my hard cock against her leg and squirms under me. Fuck, I could come right now. I break the kiss and sit up. My heart pounds in my chest, and my cock pounds in my pants.

"I'd better go now before I do something stupid."

Breathless, she says, "Yes, I think that's a good idea. Call me tomorrow."

One more kiss and I run for the door. My cock is about to explode. "Goodnight Joan. I will call you tomorrow."

"Goodnight Jerry. I'll be waiting."

Once I get into the car, I hit the gas like the fucking police are chasing me. Every bump in the road goes straight to my aching cock. I don't want the inevitable to happen in the car, but when I get stuck in traffic, I feel like I am about to explode. My pants are strangling me, and I can feel the zipper digging into my cock. I can't take the pressure for one more minute, so I do the only thing I can, considering where I am. I unzip my pants, reach in and squeeze the head of my cock hard, and that's all it takes for me to come violently in my pants. I move my hand down and squeeze my balls and come again. I pull the shirt tail out of my pants, wipe the cum from my hand, and grip the steering wheel. My cock is overly sensitive, and I find it difficult to zip up again. Fifteen months is a long time. I don't even remember the last time I jacked off. How pathetic is this? One kiss and I shoot my load in my now very sticky briefs. I need a hot fucking shower and a cold beer.

*****

The hot shower does nothing to relax me. My cock still stands at attention. Fifteen months of no sex, and now I can't lose my erection. I've come three times since I got into the shower, and it's not enough. A little liquid soap on my hand, and a few twists and pulls, and I come again. This time, it breaks the tension. I lean against the shower wall and let the hot water flow down my body. I suddenly feel exhausted, like I've run a marathon. I quickly dry off, grab the beer that sits on the vanity, and head to the bedroom. I still have to call Ethan about the game tomorrow.

"Hey, are you still up for the game tomorrow?"

"Damn right I am. I need this, brother. Joey and Dad are also looking forward to man's day out. Kellie was very animated about her new friend after you dropped her off. Are you falling in love brother?"

"Kellie has a big mouth." I suddenly feel defensive about Joan, like if I talk about our relationship, something will jinx it. Irrational, and so out of character for me. "I'm not like you, Ethan. I don't wear my heart on my sleeve. I don't want to talk about my relationship with Joan."

"Why are you so defensive? I'm not asking about your sex life! Do you like her?"

"What are we, fucking fifteen years old?"

Now Ethan is irritated. "Stop the bullshit, Jerry. What the hell is going on with you?"

"Do you want me to admit that I'm out of my league with Joan? Okay, I fucking admit it! I want our relationship to work, but sometimes I have flashbacks about Mary. We were happy, Ethan. I never saw it coming. I don't want that to happen with Joan. My head is a little fucked up."

"Joan is not Mary, and never will be. What happened so many years ago has affected you for a very long time. I'm not stupid, Jerry. You've avoided serious relationships for so long you don't know how to be in one. I saw how your eyes never left Joan at our wedding. Admit it. You're in love with her. Why can't you just accept the truth that is staring you in the face?"

"Because" I yell at him. "If I admit it to everyone, something might happen to take Joan away from me. I can't let that happen again. I can't expose myself to that kind of pain. I've been running from it for twenty years."

"Don't you think it's about time you stopped running and enjoyed your life? How long can you run, Jerry? Sooner or later, you have to stop and look in the mirror. Who do you see when you look in the mirror?"

"I see someone who is tired of running."

"Then you know what you have to do. Take a lesson from what happened to Diane. Life is too short not to enjoy it, and if you want Joan in yours, it's time to make the commitment. Nothing is easy in life, but if you don't at least try, you will always regret it."

"This entire situation with Roger has me on edge. At least I have her protected so that I can sleep at night. I still see the bruises, Ethan. I'm so fucking angry, and I can't take it out on anyone. If I thought I could get away with it, I would beat the piss out of him."

"Do what you have to do to protect Joan. You know I will always support you, don't you?"

"Yes, I do, and I'm sorry I yelled at you. Let's talk about something else. How's Diane?"

"Diane is sleeping now. The pregnancy has her out like a light by eight in the evening. I hover by the bed while she sleeps. After so many months, I still cannot relax. When will these feelings go away?"

"I won't pretend to understand the nuances of married life Ethan, but I will tell you that at some point in time, you have to let go of your fear. Bad things happen to good people, and while we try to take all of the necessary precautions, some things are out of our control. The two of you have a second chance to be happy. Granted, Diane's little swan dive on the beach was rather dramatic. Leave it to Diane to make an entrance. Listen to your advice and calm down. What time does the game start tomorrow?"

"The game starts at two in the afternoon. I want to take all of you to the sports bar first for lunch and a few beers. Be at my house at eleven-thirty. I'll call Dad before I go to bed. See you tomorrow."

"Okay. Get some sleep, Ethan. You'll feel better in the morning."
Chapter 6

Jerry

There is nothing I love more than good food, cold beer, and a football game. I am up and out of bed quickly this morning, considering I was up half the night thinking about Joan. The episode in my car still shocks the shit out of me. I've never done that before, and just thinking about it has me hard again. Fuck, this can't happen again today. If Dad or Ethan sees me sporting wood, I'll never hear the end of it. I am so off my game with her it's not funny.

I arrive at Ethan's house shortly after eleven in the morning. Diane is in the living room laying on the sofa reading a book. I walk over to her, sit down, and place her feet on my lap, gently rubbing them. "You have magic hands, Doctor," Diane sighs and I smile at her.

"I aim to please, ma'am! How are you feeling today honey?"

"I have good days, and not so good days. Morning sickness is already kicking my ass, but I am beyond happy to be pregnant again. I never in a million years thought this would happen for us. We want to wait until Labor Day to tell the kids. Ethan already has ideas for the nursery. I'm only five weeks pregnant, and I tell Ethan every day that we have plenty of time to work on the baby's nursery."

"The two of you didn't waste any time getting pregnant."

"It happened on the honeymoon. My precious baby is our rainbow baby, Jerry. I have had a lot of time to think back over the past few months. It feels strange sometimes because it feels like two different people lived through all of it. All of us are finally getting back to normal, and it feels good."

"How is Ethan? Does he still hover over you like a mother hen?"

"He tosses and turns all night, and in the morning, Ethan wraps himself around me like a blanket. I think he worries I won't be here in the morning. I can understand his fear, but I am afraid he will never get over what happened to me."

"You of all people know how Ethan never lets go of anything. He loves you with his whole heart and soul, and he will always worry about his family. Save your breath and let him work through it. It's only been a few weeks since the wedding."

"I'm okay now, and I want him to stop worrying about me. It's too much, Jerry."

"Good luck with that! Telling Ethan not to worry about you is like telling the sun not to rise in the morning. It's never going to happen!"

"What can I do to help him relax? I want to help him."

"What will help Ethan is for him to see that everyone is okay. He was so off kilter when you were sick, and it's going to take time for him to realize that life goes on, and everyone is okay. I know it sucks, but you cannot rush the process. He had a lot of stress when you were sick. It's not easy recovering from such intense emotions."

Diane sighs. "I see a bond between Kellie and Joey that wasn't there before my accident. It's sad that a tragedy had to happen before my kids stopped arguing with each other. Joey never had any patience with Evie because of their age difference. Sometimes I wonder what happened to my children because I no longer hear arguing and crying. I am not used to a quiet house."

"I won't lie to you, Diane. Those months were awful for all of us, but the kids especially had trouble coping with you not being here for them. Joey hid in his room and withdrew from everyone, and Kellie had a hard time understanding the nature of your injury. All she knew is that Mommy wasn't here, and both kids clung to Ethan. Many nights they slept together because it was the only way Ethan would get some rest. It's all in the past now, and with time, those memories will fade."

I hear Ethan and Joey coming down the steps, and when Diane looks at me and puts her finger to her lips, I get the message. Keep this between the two of us. I nod my head slightly to acknowledge her request. I don't like keeping secrets, but this is a conversation that the two of them need to have with each other. Talking to me about this is not helpful.

"Are the two of you ready for some football?" Joey high fives me, and I take that as a yes.

"I've been waiting for this all week," Joey says, "and I can't wait to see the game. Where are we going for lunch?"

"I thought we'd go to Ralphs for ribs and fries. Where's Dad?"

"Here I am." I hear my Dad yell through the kitchen. I wish he would come in through the front door. The three of us look at Diane, and she is smiling. All of us kiss her goodbye. Ethan lingers for a few seconds, and we wait patiently.

*****

I cannot remember the last time the three of us hung out together. I miss this more than I thought I would. All of us were so focused on Diane, that family time slipped through our fingers. As I sit across the table and look at my brother, I see age lines around his eyes and a few gray hairs that weren't there before Diane's accident. We've all aged this past year considerably, Ethan especially. He has carried the weight of the world on his shoulders for almost a year. I also see something different in my father, and the way he interacts with Ethan. Something significant happened to them at the cabin, and I won't ask what happened because I respect their privacy. The waitress arrives and hands everyone a menu, and as we place our orders, Joey adds a beer to his order. Ethan, Dad and I look at each other and raise a questioning eyebrow.

"One beer, Joey," he whispers. "You may look over twenty-one with the scruff on your face, but you're not. I don't want to get kicked out of here or get the restaurant in trouble for serving a minor. And, you will drink your one beer after you eat. There is nothing worse than beer on an empty stomach."

"Do I look stupid, Dad? I am a pre-med student. I know the effects of alcohol on the nervous system."

My father says, "Yeah, Ethan, does he look stupid?"

It's not what he said, but how he said it, in that nasal whiney voice. The three of us crack up laughing. God, it feels so good to laugh and relax. After lunch, we walk across the street to the arena. I have to say that I haven't had this much fun with my family in a long time. When we take our seats, I send a text to Joan.

At the Eagles game with my Dad, Ethan, and Joey. What are you doing?

Joan responds within seconds. I am not doing anything that exciting. It's laundry and cleaning day. Are you having fun?

Yes. I miss spending time with my family. How is Evie today?

She's fine. It's like yesterday never happened.

Glad to hear Evie is okay. Don't do too much work today. You are still recovering.

Don't worry. It's mostly laundry. Mom is helping with the housework.

That's good. I'll call you when I get home.

I'll be waiting.

Just knowing Joan will be waiting for my call makes me happy.

Joan

"Mommy, are we going to see Doctor Jerry today? I had fun yesterday."

"I'm not sure, Evie. Jerry is spending the day with his family at a football game."

"Oh, I want to say sorry for yesterday. Can I make Doctor Jerry a drawing?"

"I think he would like that honey. Sit at the dining room table, and I'll get your coloring pencils and some paper. What are you going to draw for him?"

"It's a surprise. Do you think Doctor Jerry will like it for a present?"

"I am sure he will love anything you give to him."

The change in my daughter gives me hope that she will outgrow her fear. Or, maybe it's just Jerry that has her fascinated. I watched my baby yesterday as Jerry interacted with Kellie. Evie saw it too, and I think the relationship that he has with Kellie helped to calm her, and get them back to where they were a few days ago.

While I finish the laundry, Evie sits at the dining room table with milk and cookies, and she works on her present. Two hours later, I finally sit down for a few minutes. It surprises me to see several drawings on the table. It also amazes me how good they look, especially the picture of the shark. "Evie, these pictures are beautiful. When did you become such a good artist?"

"I practice Mommy. Sometimes at night, I get one of my books and try to copy the pictures on paper. Do you think Doctor Jerry will like it?"

"I know he will love it. Let's go to the craft store to get a frame for the picture, and some gift wrap paper. Let's make it beautiful for Jerry."

"Can I wrap it for him? I want it to be pretty."

"I'll let you pick out the frame and the paper."

As we drive to the craft store, Evie rambles on endlessly about what type of paper she wants. "It has to look beautiful Mommy. I don't want plain paper. And the frame too. I want a cute frame."

"Okay, honey. You can pick out whatever you want."

The store is full of people on a Sunday, and as soon as we walk into the craft store, Evie grabs my arm. She always does this in public places. I run my fingers through her hair and bend down to whisper, "Remember why we are here honey. You want to give Jerry a present. No one in here will hurt you. Everybody in the store wants to make something pretty for someone. Do you have to use the bathroom?"

"No Mommy, I don't have to pee."

"Okay then, why don't we pick out the frame first, and then the paper."

As we walk through the store, Evie's fear intensifies. When someone gets near her, she flinches. I don't know how to help my baby, and it kills me. She is too young to understand the therapist. She doesn't know relaxation techniques and reacts to the slightest things.

"Mommy, I like this frame. See, it has animals on it. Do you think Doctor Jerry will like this one?"

"I know he will like it. Let's get the paper, so we can go home and wrap it for him."

Evie picks out an animal print to keep with the theme, and ten minutes later, we are in the car, and Evie can finally relax. All of the work that took Jerry months to accomplish, Roger took away in less than five minutes. I want my daughter to see the fun around her, and not be afraid of new places and people. When we arrive home, we frame the drawing, wrap it, and put it on the dining room table.

"When can I give it to Doctor Jerry? Can he come over for dinner tomorrow? I can give it to him at dinner. Can you call him, Mommy?"

"Sure honey. I will call Jerry after dinner. Go upstairs, wash your hands, and put on your pajamas. Granny will have dinner ready for us in ten minutes."

"Okay, Mommy. Don't move the present from the table. I want to look at it when I eat dinner."

"I won't move it, sweetheart."

My mother is in the kitchen and hears our conversation. "Evie is becoming attached to your handsome doctor. Are you sure that is a good idea?"

I suddenly feel apprehensive, and my first instinct is to become angry with my mother. I would never do anything to hurt my daughter, and then I think about the last eighteen months of my life. After a few miserable dates, I said to hell with it. I cannot date another asshole, and then I met Jerry, and something clicked inside me. I must follow my instincts because it's telling me I will make a huge mistake if I let Jerry slip through my fingers.

"I know it's a good idea, Mom. Evie needs to feel comfortable again with Jerry, and the only way that will happen is if she spends time with him. She's excited about the picture, and after what happened with Roger last week, Evie needs the distraction. If drawing a picture for Jerry makes her happy, that's all that matters to me. Jerry is good to her and good for us. You said you liked him. Why the change in attitude?"

"I worry about both of you, and while I like Jerry, I don't want him hurting you or Evie."

"Why would you think that, Mom? Haven't you seen the way we are together? I already told you that I am falling in love with him. Can't you see that he makes me happy? I'm not rushing anything, Mom. And don't forget that Jerry is Mike's best friend."

"I know. I can't help but worry about you."

"You can still worry, Mom. It's what you do best!"

My mom laughs at me. "Since when did you become such a smart ass?"

"I invoke my fifth amendment rights, and refuse to answer your question."

"Go call your handsome doctor while I get dinner ready. You have about fifteen minutes."

I look at the clock and know Jerry is still at the game. I decided to text him.

I know you're still at the game. Can you come over for dinner tomorrow? Evie has a present for you.

Where else would I be? What time do you want me for dinner tomorrow?

Five-thirty. Evie eats early.

Can I bring anything? Wine? Dessert?

Dessert would be good. Evie likes brownies.

They're my favorite too! Dinner at five-thirty with brownies. I'll call you when I get home...xxoo.

I stare for several seconds at the hugs and kisses in his text and my heart flutters. I respond. I'll be waiting...xxoo
Chapter 7

Jerry

I must have a shit eating grin on my face because Ethan is giving me the evil eye. "What the fuck are you looking at?"

"I'm looking at you. You're grinning from ear to ear. Are you texting the girlfriend?"

"Will you leave me the fuck alone if I tell you?"

"No, I won't leave you alone. Spill it, now!"

"Joan invited me to dinner tomorrow. Evie made me a present, and I am bringing brownies and cannoli for dessert. Are you happy now?"

"Yes, I am, because I can see that what we discussed last night got through to you. I hope you know that I'll always have your back Jerry, and if you ever need someone to talk to, I'm here for you. You have done so much for my family, and all I want is for you to be happy."

I hear the sincerity in Ethan's voice, and I do appreciate his offer, but as I've said before, I sometimes have problems discussing certain aspects of my life. "Do you want to kiss me now, or just hold my hand? I should tell you that I do not have sex on the first date."

"Oh, fuck off! I try to have an honest discussion with you, and you break my balls."

"Hey, it's what I do the best, brother!" I lean in and kiss him on the mouth. My dad turns to stare at me, and when he sees me kissing Ethan, the beer that he has in his mouth spews all over me. Ethan makes gagging noises as he wipes his mouth with the back of his hand. Joey is about to pee himself. I slap my dad on the back and say, "Just spreading the love, Dad. All is good."

"Keep your love to yourself," Ethan mutters as he wipes his mouth once again. I love twisting him in knots, and it's been so long since I've done it to him. This day is turning out to be better than I expected it would be.

My father drove us to the game in his SUV, and I left my car at Ethan's house. Right about now, I'm sorry I didn't drive myself to the stadium. I keep looking at my watch as traffic crawls up I-95. It's eight-thirty, and all I can think about is calling Joan. I've been holding my phone in my hand for the last half hour contemplating texting her when I hear a chime. I look down and see a message from Joan.

Are you still at the game?

No. We're on our way home, but there is a lot of traffic on I-95. We should be back at Ethan's house in about thirty minutes. What are you doing now?

I just put Evie to bed, and I'm laying in bed reading a book.

Stay in bed. I'll be home within the hour, and I'll call you.

I'll be waiting.

When we arrive back at Ethan's house, I say a quick goodbye, and as I walk to my car, I turn around and blow a kiss at Ethan. He gives me the universal sign for fuck you and laughs. Then, I hear my dad ask him, "What's up with your brother?"

"I have no idea, Dad," Ethan responds.

Ain't that the truth! Neither do I, brother. Neither do I.

*****

I practically break down the door getting into the house, and I forget to turn off the alarm. I have thirty seconds to disarm it before the police call me. I run to the console and disable the siren. I'm getting a little pissed off by my pussy behavior the last few weeks. Since when have I gone slow with a woman? My balls ache, and it's time to step up the game. I run upstairs to take a quick shower, and when I look down, yep, I'm hard again. Jesus, just thinking about her has me going off like a rocket. My daily jerk off sessions in the shower is pissing me off. My hand is no replacement for her soft, warm body, I think to myself, as I take care of business. Twenty minutes later, I'm propped up in bed with my phone in hand. "I missed talking to you today."

"I missed talking to you too, Jerry."

"I can't wait to see you tomorrow at work. I like knowing you're in the same building as I am. I like having lunch with you."

"I like it too Jerry. You make me feel good again. I haven't felt happy in a long time."

"Just think about how happy you will feel six months from now. I want more, Joan. What do you want?"

"I want you, Jerry."

The amount of relief that I feel shocks me. I've been twisted in knots since I've met Joan. I have to call Mike before we have dinner tomorrow. "That makes me happy, honey. Get some sleep, and I'll meet you in the cafeteria at our usual time for lunch."

"Goodnight Jerry."

"Goodnight sweetheart."

I immediately call Mike. It's seven-thirty in California, so I know he's probably at home with the family. When Mike answers my call, I immediately get the third degree.

"I was wondering when you'd call me," he says with some irritation in his voice.

"What? No hello, how are you old friend?"

"Cut the bullshit, Jerry. What are you doing with my sister? My mother called me today to inform me you've been sniffing around my sister, and your relationship is getting serious."

Okay, I understand he is protective of his sister, but Mike knows me, and he also knows that I don't play games with women. And, the insinuation that I'm 'sniffing around' like a fucking stalker irritates me. "Mike, how long have you known me? Have I ever hurt anyone that I've ever dated? I also don't like the sniffing around comment, and if you were in the room with me now, I'd smash my fist into your fucking mouth!"

"The other women are not my sister. She's had...problems the past few years, and the last thing she needs is to get hurt again. So, I am asking you again, what are you doing with my sister?"

I understand his concern. "Mike, I saw the bruises. I know what Roger did to her. Joan and I had a long conversation while she was in the hospital. For the record, I'd like to beat the fucking piss out of him, but I can't. I love Joan very much. That's why I called you. She's the one, Mike. I feel it in my bones."

"You're serious," Mike says with astonishment in his voice.

"Yes, she's the one."

"Mom told me that she hasn't seen Joan this happy in a long time. What did you do to her?"

"I've been respectful and patient. What else would you have me do, Mike? I would never disrespect Joan, or force myself on her. Give me a little credit for having a brain. I am not one of those guys who is led around by his dick."

"Mom told me about what happened at the aquarium. You should know that if Evie wants to give you a gift, she trusts you. If you break her heart, I'll fucking break your legs. I'll get on a plane and fly to Philadelphia to personally take a crowbar to your kneecaps. Do you understand me?"

"I understand what you are saying, and I'd never do anything to hurt either of them. If I have my way, one day Joan will be my wife, and Evie will be my daughter. How's that for honesty, friend?"

Silence, total silence on the other end of the line. I wait patiently while my words sink in. "You've never been this serious about anyone. How can you know for certain when you've only known each other less than six months?"

"I know it in my soul. I've never felt this way about anyone. I'm worried Mike. I know this isn't over, and Roger will be back. That's why I will keep the security detail on her and Evie until further notice. My father's friends, who are retired police, have volunteered to protect them, free of charge. Am I acting rationally considering how long I have known Joan? No, I can honestly say that I am not acting rationally. All I know is that when I saw Joan in that hospital bed, bloodied and bruised, my heart stopped. I thought about Mary and how she left me. I can't go through that again. I can't lose another woman that I love, and I will do what I have to do to keep her and Evie safe. If that means moving them into my house, that's what I'll do. I love them, Mike."

Again...silence. "Well, thank you for being honest with me. I'll be keeping tabs on my sister, and if I see that she is unhappy, you will have to deal with me, and it won't be pretty. Do you understand me, Jerry?"

I briefly tell him about Diane. "I understand. After what happened to Diane, I realize I want what my brother has, and when I met Joan again, and I looked into her eyes, I knew this is it for me. You can trust me, Mike."

"I know. I'm just busting your balls. So, how have you been? It's been a few years since we've seen each other."

"You just put my nuts in a crusher for nothing? Why am I not surprised?" I spend the next two hours catching up with Mike, and when I end the call, I know in my heart that Joan will be mine!

Joan

The morning passes quickly for me, and I can't wait to have lunch with Jerry. I can't wait to see him, and tonight, we will enjoy a quiet dinner with Evie. My baby is excited to give Jerry his gift, and she was up and out of bed early this morning. I found her sitting at the dining room table staring at her gift.

"Mommy, are you sure Doctor Jerry is coming for dinner?"

"Yes, he is, honey. Jerry will be here at five-thirty, and he told me he has a surprise for you."

Evie's eyes light up. "He has a surprise for me? Did Doctor Jerry say what it was? I like surprises!"

"You will have to wait until tonight sweetheart."

I'm still smiling when I hear Jerry knocking on my window. I walk over to the door and unlock it for him. Once inside, Jerry pulls me into his body and kisses my neck. His ever-present shadow scratches my skin. He smells like fabric softener, mixed in with his very masculine scent. Doctors refrain from wearing cologne in the hospital. Some of the patients find the smell nauseating. I find his scent intoxicating.

"What has you smiling?"

"I was thinking about Evie. She is beyond excited about tonight."

"That's sweet, Joan. Evie is a lovely little girl. Has she talked about Saturday?"

"It's like it never happened. Usually, Evie is upset for several days when that happens. This time it rolled off her little shoulders. You have talent, Jerry. I can't wait for tonight. Did you get the brownies?"

"Of course I did. I stopped at my favorite bakery on the way to the hospital, and I have a huge box of chocolate brownies for Evie and a few chocolate chip cannoli for Mommy in the refrigerator in my office. I remembered how much you like them."

"I still like them. Thank you, Jerry. That was very thoughtful."

"Anything for my two favorite girls."

My heart skips a beat hearing Jerry say that to me. How is it possible that he has become so important to me in such a short amount of time? "Are we your favorite girls?"

"Yes. The two of you have quickly become vital to me. Does this make you nervous? You can be honest with me Joan."

"It's been a long time since I've felt wanted by a man. I lived in the same house with Roger, and yet we were a thousand miles apart. Two strangers residing in the same house. Our sex life became non-existent. I'm not quite sure when it happened, but eventually, Roger slept in the other bedroom. He said it was because he came home late at night and did not want to disturb me. Looking back now, I see that Roger no longer wanted me in that way. He only wanted to abuse and intimidate me. I shocked the shit out of him when I filed for divorce."

"That angered him more. I wasn't thinking about the reputation of his parents, or how their son's impending divorce would travel through the cream of society. When you say things like this to me, it gives me hope that Evie and I can once again have a normal life, where I'm not always looking over my shoulder expecting Roger to appear at my doorstep again."

I see anger flash across Jerry's face. "I want you to promise me that if Roger contacts you again, you will tell me immediately. Don't keep this from me. The only thing I will demand in this relationship is total honesty. I don't play games, Joan. I'm serious about this relationship working for us, and I need to know that you are safe at all times. I saw one of the hound dogs in the hallway. That makes me feel better knowing he can't get to you here."

"I promise, Jerry. I want this to work too. You have no idea how much I want a relationship with you. Evie likes you, and that makes me happy. I was secretly worried I'd have to stop this before it got started if Evie was afraid of you. What you did for her at the aquarium calmed her. I thought about it all night. How did I get so lucky finding you again? You did not make it a big deal when she peed on you, and that went a long way to making her feel safe. Also, Kellie was a tremendous help. The two of them will be good friends."

"My niece is just like her mother. Speaking of my sister-in-law, Ethan was up in my grill yesterday when you texted me. I'll tell you what I said to him. I do not discuss my relationships with my family. I'm not touchy-feely like Ethan. I hold things in, and they fester. I'm trying to change that part of my personality, but it's not easy. I like to keep some things close to the vest, and now that I am in a committed relationship, I am trying to be more open and honest about how I feel."

"Committed relationship? Is this what you want?"

"I want that and much more, Joan. If I told you what I want, you might run in the other direction. Give it time, and someday soon, I'll share it with you. Let's have lunch. I have a consultation at two."

My mind reels at the possibilities. Deep down, I am afraid to say that I love Jerry for fear of Roger messing with my life. The bigger question is why am I suddenly looking forward to more.

Jerry

I arrive at Joan's house ten minutes early. I can't wait to see my girls. It sounds strange saying this, but it's true. I've always lived a solitary life, and the thought of having Joan and Evie in my life, full-time, pleases me. As I exit my car, the door opens, and I see Evie running down the steps.

"Doctor Jerry, you're here."

I put the box of goodies on the roof of my car, and bend down to pick up Evie. Her arms go around my neck, and for a second or two, I hold this sweet child in my arms and marvel at how good this feels to me. "Where else would I be squirt?"

"Mommy said you have a surprise for me. Did you bring it with you?"

"I sure did. It's on the roof of my car. Run into the house, and I'll follow you."

Her little legs move fast as she runs up the steps and into the house. Joan stands by the door and is smiling at me. I lower my head and give her a quick peck on the lips.

"She is so cute Joan, and is obviously happy to see me."

"It still amazes me how Evie is with you. I'm stunned really."

"Children know the difference between good and bad. They sense this in people, and I'm happy that she trusts me. Once she sees the brownies, I expect she'll probably hug and kiss me."

"That's a possibility because according to Evie, brownies are her all-time favorite food in the whole world."

I say hello to Beverly as I make my way into the dining room. "Hello, Beverly. It's good seeing you again."

"You too, Jerry. I hope you're hungry. I made a big pot of sauce with meatballs, garlic bread, and salad. All of Evie's favorite foods."

"You should know that I love anything Italian."

"Good to know," Beverly says as she walks back to the kitchen.

Evie runs over to me and asks, "Can I give you my present now?"

"Only after I give you your surprise. Open the box." It gives me more pleasure than I can express to see Evie open the box of brownies. It's such a simple gift, but what matters more is the expression on her face. She looks up at me with a mixture of awe and excitement.

"Doctor Jerry, you brought me brownies! How did you know they are my all-time favorite food in the whole world? Did Mommy tell you?"

"Brownies are also my all-time favorite food in the whole world. I eat them almost every day!"

"I want to, but Mommy won't let me. She says brownies are a treat."

"You should listen to your mother. Too much sugar is not good for little girls, and it's probably not good for me either."

"Can I give you my present now?"

"I can't wait to see my present. I've been thinking about it all day."

"You have? Okay, let me get it for you."

I watch Evie run into the dining room to get my gift. Watching her has me wanting things I've never wanted before. A few seconds later, Evie is sitting next to me on the sofa.

"I made this just for you. I'm sorry Doctor Jerry that I ruined your shirt. The man scared me, and sometimes I have an accident. Here, open your present."

As I unwrap my gift, I watch the expression on Evie's face. Whatever it is, I can see that she put a lot of effort into this gift, and I will treasure it always. I stare in amazement at the beautiful drawing of a shark, and the frame that has little animals around it. Evie's picture is such a thoughtful gift.

"I drew it for you, Doctor Jerry. Do you like it?"

What happens next has not only me but Joan and Beverly gaping in shock. Evie leans into me and wraps her arm around mine.

"I also picked out the paper. See," Evie points to the wrapping paper on the floor, "it matches the frame."

My heart feels like it's about to burst, and I pick her up and set her on my lap. Beverly is about to pounce on me, but I see Joan motioning for her to step back. If the two of them act worried, Evie will see it.

"Evie, this is the best present that I've ever received because you made it just for me. Look at the colors! How did you know how to draw a shark?"

"I have books in my room, and sometimes when I get scared, I look at them, and try to copy the pictures. Do you like it? I can make more for you."

"Can you draw a penguin?"

"Penguins are easy to draw. I'll make one for you and mommy can give it to you tomorrow."

"I'd like that very much, Evie. Guess where I am going to put my picture?"

"Where are you going to put it?"

"I'm going to put this on my desk at work, so every time I sit at my desk, I'll think of you."

"Really?"

"Yes, indeed. Your picture is a very special gift, Evie. I love it."

"I like you, Doctor Jerry. You don't scare me."

"Evie honey, I promise that I will never scare you, and I like you too." Then I whisper in her ear. "Can you keep a secret?" When she nods yes, I tell her, "I also like your mommy."

Joan

Watching Jerry interact with Evie makes me happy. The two of them go on and on about the picture, where he will put it on his desk, and how much more Evie wants to draw for him. In my head, I can picture dozens of drawings all over his office.

"Okay, honey. Granny has dinner ready."

"Can Doctor Jerry sit next to me?"

I watch as Jerry bows before Evie. "I'd be honored to be your dinner date, Miss Evie. May I take your hand?"

Evie slips her little hand into his, and my heart flutters. I see more dinner dates in our future. Dinner is pleasant for everyone. Even my mother is relaxing somewhat. I know why my mom is worried about me. I don't want to live with the ghosts of my life with Roger following me, and while it terrified me having him show up at my house, I refuse to live my life in fear, and I want to see where we go from here. I'm lost in my thoughts when I hear Evie say, "Doctor Jerry, can you fix my head like you fixed Kellie's mom?"

Jerry looks at me, then at my mother, and back to Evie. The question comes out of left field, and I see Jerry struggling with how to respond. I am about to say something when he puts his finger to his lips. I sit back and wait for his reply.

"What's wrong with your head Evie? I don't see anything wrong with it."

"You can't see it because it's inside."

Jerry looks puzzled. "Inside where? Your head?"

"Yeah. Inside of my head is sick."

"Why would you say that Evie? You are not sick."

"I am, Doctor Jerry. My Daddy did bad things, and he scared me. I don't want to be afraid anymore, but I don't know how to fix me. Can you fix me? The other doctor tried to fix me, but it didn't work. I'm still scared of people."

Dear Lord. I want to cry a river of tears. My baby senses that something is wrong with her, and it kills me that I have to sit here and listen to Evie ask Jerry to help her. I look over at my mother, and she is about to have a freaking heart attack. Jerry senses the situation could spiral out of control quickly, and God loves him because he doesn't deflect her question to me. Once again, Jerry picks Evie up and sits her on his lap.

"Evie honey, there is nothing wrong with your head. I know what happened with your dad, and it's normal for you to be scared. There is nothing wrong with being scared. I still get scared all the time, and I'm ancient."

"You get scared?"

"Yes. I get scared, because I want to do the right thing, and help the person feel better."

"But you're a doctor. Don't doctors know everything?"

"I have a lot of books in my office, and sometimes I have to read one to know what to do."

"Do you have a book that can help me?"

"I know exactly how to help you. First, remember that it's okay to be scared. Second, anytime you feel scared, just remember that your head is not sick. I know you feel afraid when you are around new people. Older guys like me call it anxiety. It feels like you have butterflies in your stomach, and they flutter around and make you feel funny. Is that how you feel, Evie?"

"Yeah. I get scared when people talk loud, and then my stomach hurts."

"Do you know why people talk loud?"

Evie shakes her head no. "Sometimes an adult doesn't realize they yell so much. It's like overeating candy. The more you eat, the more you want. The same thing goes for screaming. When you grow up in a house where people yell a lot, sometimes they don't realize they are talking loud, because they hear it all the time. Does your mommy or granny yell in the house?"

"No, it's nice here."

"Yes, it is nice here. I remember when I was in school, I had to stand up in front of the class and read a paper that I wrote. I was so scared, and I wanted to stay home that day. If I didn't read my paper, the teacher would give me a bad grade. I had to go to school to read my homework. When it was my turn, my legs shook because I was so scared. My mom told me that if I feel scared, picture everyone in the room not wearing their pants. It was so funny because as soon as I looked up at everyone staring at me, I imagined all of them without their pants! And guess what? I read my paper, and the teacher gave me a good grade."

"That's funny Doctor Jerry. How old were you?"

"I was sixteen years old!"

'You were big, and you were scared? Really?"

"Yep. I was terrified to read my paper in front of everyone. But you know what happened after that day? It got easier for me to stand in front of the class, and then I was no longer afraid. You like to draw pictures. Get a piece of paper, and I'll show you a little trick that will help you."

Evie jumps off Jerry's lap and gets her crayons and paper. He looks at me with that 'what the hell am I doing' look on his face. I don't have time to talk to Jerry because Evie is once again sitting on his lap. Jerry picks up a crayon and draws abstract shapes.

"This is what I draw when I feel nervous. I call it doodling. I make silly shapes like this box, and sometimes I draw cartoon characters."

"How come you still feel scared? I thought adults don't get scared."

"Everyone gets scared sometimes, and it's normal."

"So I'm okay if I feel scared and I'm normal? There is nothing wrong with my head?"

"No honey, there is nothing wrong with your head."

He takes one of her crayons and draws a face, and he gives the face elephant ears and bug eyes.

"This is what I want you to do. I want you to draw a lot of pictures like this one, and give the people funny faces, goofy ears, silly eyes, and funny looking hair. When you are around new people, carry a few of these with you, and if you feel scared, take a look at one of them, and picture the people around you looking like this."

"And this will help me not be afraid?"

"It will help you to realize that all people are different, and just because your dad did something wrong, other people are not like your dad. It's okay to be scared honey, as long as you know why you're afraid. When you get older, you won't be scared anymore."

"Are you sure I won't be afraid when I get older?"

"As sure as I can be, but if you do get scared, you will know the reason why. I want you to draw five pictures for me this week, and on Saturday, we will do something fun. Just you and me, and Mommy. We will have breakfast at the restaurant, then maybe a trip to the zoo."

"Can I have pancakes again with whipped cream and sprinkles?"

"You can have anything you like, Evie. Saturday will be your special day."

"I've never had a special day before. Thank you, Doctor Jerry, I feel better now."

"You're welcome, Evie. How about we eat a few brownies, and I'll watch you draw your first picture. I think I want the person to have an elephant nose and rabbit ears. Can you draw that for me?"

"That's easy. Can I have milk with my brownies?"

And that's how the evening ended. I fell a little deeper in love as I watched Jerry expertly calm my child.

Jerry

I have no words for what just happened with Evie. Every instinct I have inside me wants to protect her. I cannot fathom how a six-year-old child could think that her brain is sick. Honestly, I have never heard any child ask me such a gut-wrenching question. After we ate our brownies and drank milk, which I detest but drank anyway, it's time for Evie to go to bed. I am so out of my element with this child, and I need help. I need to know what happened with Roger, and once I get home, I'm calling Mike. Evie walks up to me and puts her arms around my neck.

"I have to go to bed now, Doctor Jerry. I had fun today. Can you visit me tomorrow?"

I look up at Joan and say, "Miss Evie wants a dinner date with me tomorrow."

"I think that is an excellent idea," Joan says as she scoops Evie into her arms. "I'll be down in a few minutes. Get a cup of coffee and go into the living room and relax for a few moments. You look like you need it."

I need more than a cup of coffee. I need a few shots of Lagavulin and a good cigar. Once Joan leaves the room, Beverly asks me to follow her into the kitchen. She points to one of the chairs.

"Have a seat, and I'll get your coffee."

"Do you have anything stronger than caffeine?"

Beverly reaches up to the top cabinet and takes out a bottle of Crown Royal. My throat burns as the whiskey hits my stomach. Beverly refills my glass and the second shot goes down smooth. I feel the warmth hit me, and I start to relax.

"You handled the situation with Evie very well, Jerry. Joan and I had no idea she felt that way. We've taken her to two different therapists in the past year, and neither one was able to help Evie. Sure, they say all the right things, give you recommendations for outpatient therapy, but they did not connect with Evie. It was a total waste of money. And then you walk into Joan's life, and a few months later, Evie tells you what we have been trying to get out of her for over a year. How do you do it?"

"If I knew, I'd patent it. Honestly, I was flying by the seat of my pants. I hope what I have said to Evie helps her."

"I don't want you to hurt my daughter or Evie. I know your relationship with Joan is new, but I don't want you getting close to Evie, only to break her heart if your relationship with Joan goes south."

Well, isn't this just fantastic? I am not her fucking ex-husband, and I don't appreciate the subtle innuendos! I'm pissed off and don't hide it from her. "Let me set the record straight Beverly. I am not Roger, nor do I ever intend to be the bastard that he was to Joan and Evie. I've waited a long time to meet someone as fantastic as Joan, and I have no intention of going south or anywhere else. I want this relationship to grow stronger. I want to be a positive influence for Evie. Do you think so little of me that you'd assume I would hurt either of them?"

I watch her face turn five shades of red. "I only meant...."

"I know what you meant, and I don't like it! Look, I don't want to argue with you, but I will not put up with your disrespect. I understand your concern. Before making judgments that are unwarranted, take a step back, and you will see that I have nothing but respect for Joan and Evie, and I would never do anything to hurt either of them. Can't you see how much I love them?"

I give Beverly credit for realizing she fucked up when she says, "I am sorry, Jerry. I overstepped my boundaries. It's not easy when you see your child bruised and battered by someone who claimed he loved her. That's not how you show someone love. I will never say this to Joan, but I don't understand why she didn't leave him sooner."

"It's not our place to question someone's motives for staying in an abusive relationship. Joan divorced Roger, and that's all that matters now."

"I know, but it's difficult getting the images out of my head."

I am about to ask Beverly about Roger when I see Joan walk into the kitchen. The look on her face tells me she heard part of our conversation. Joan walks over to me and takes my hand in hers.

"Do you want to watch a little television in the family room? I need a few minutes to relax, and I want to talk to you."

"Sure, lead the way." I take one last look at Beverly as we leave the kitchen. The family room is nothing more than a converted small bedroom, but it's cozy, and as evidenced by the massive amount of toys strewn about the room, it's also Evie's playroom.

It surprises me when Joan closes the door, pushes me against it, and molds her body against mine. My arms wrap around her soft body, and I pull her closer to me. My lips find the sweet spot on her neck, and I bite her softly. The moan that escapes her lips has my cock twitching, and then I feel it. I feel her hand grip my cock, and it's all I can do not to throw Joan on the floor and devour her.

"What are you doing?" I whisper in her ear as my cock grinds against her hand.

"What do you think I'm doing?"

"I believe you are about to make me come again. Is this what you want?" Her hand stops the rhythmic up and down motion, and she looks at me.

"When did I make you come the first time?"

"It was the night I called you after we went to the aquarium. I was so hard when I left your house, and when I got stuck in traffic, my cock was throbbing, and all I had to do was give it a little squeeze, and I came in my pants like a teenager. I still can't believe that I did that, in my car, in traffic. Rounds two, three, and four happened when I got home. Are you going to make me come now, Joan?"

"Are you going to make me come, Jerry? It works both ways, doesn't it?"

"I do not want to be a beast. What I want from you goes beyond sex. Sure, I'd like nothing more than to come right now, but as I've said before, I am not a beast." Joan releases her death grip on my cock and takes a few steps back.

"What are we doing Jerry? I feel like we're going in circles. What is it that you want from me?"

Do I want to lay my cards on the table and play my hand now? Yes, I think I do, because I want to take whatever this is between us to the next level. I want Joan in my bed, naked, with her legs wrapped around me. I want to drive my cock so deep into her, that we become one person. I take her hand in mine and sit down.

"I told you before that I am blunt, and I don't play games. You asked me what I want from you, and the answer is straightforward. I want everything with you, Joan. The way I see it, eventually we will get married, and I will be Evie's new father. I've never wanted anything more in my life, and I have waited a long fucking time for you."

"This is crazy. We have known each other for less than six months. How can you say you want to marry me? I'm not sure if I ever want to get married again."

"You will want to get married again because I am like no one else you've ever known. I can be patient Joan. You are it for me."

"Again, how can you say that to me?"

"When I look into your eyes, I see my future. When I hold you in my arms, it feels like home to me. I know we've only known each other for a few months, but I have waited twenty years for you. No one has ever made me feel the way you do. I'll wait for as long as it takes for you to fall in love with me."

"How do you feel about me now, Jerry? Right at this minute, tell me how you feel."

"Honestly, I love you, Joan. I haven't felt this good in a very long time. I want our relationship to grow stronger. Now I want you to tell me how you feel. Leave out your fears, and speak from the heart."

"You make my heart flutter, and that scares me. I don't want to get hurt again, and I have to protect my daughter. And, I think I love you too."

"I understand your hesitation Joan, but if we hold onto each other, and take it slow, you will never regret falling in love with me."

"And what about Evie? She is becoming attached to you."

"I would rather cut off my dick than hurt her. I'm not Roger. My parents raised Ethan and me in a loving home. My family has a close bond, and we love and respect each other. I carry those values with me every day, and I want to show you and Evie how much you mean to me."

"Since you put it that way, I think I'll keep you."

"I like being a kept man. Move a little closer to me, baby. I want to hold you for a few minutes."

Joan snuggles against me, and when my arm wraps around her, I pressed my lips to her temple and closed my eyes.

"This is nice," I hear her whisper to me.

"Yes it is, and we can have this for the rest of our lives."

"Are you sure you love me?"

"Yes. I love you. I'm just waiting for you to catch up."

"Can you give me a little time?"

"I'll give you all the time you need, honey. Just don't push me away out of fear. Know in your heart that I will always love and cherish you and Evie. The two of you are my family now, and I protect what's mine."

"Thank you for what you said to Evie. It shocked me hearing her ask you that question. It also upsets me to know that my baby thinks she is sick."

"Can you blame her? After seeing more than one child psychologist, and being told there is something that needs fixing, it's easy to understand why Evie thinks the way she does."

"No, I don't blame her for anything. I blame Roger, and myself because I should have left him sooner. I tried to fix my marriage, and that was a mistake."

"You tried to save your marriage."

"It's no excuse for living with the abuse. I see that now. I made excuses more times than I care to say. I never want to live that way again. It scared me when I saw Roger sitting outside of my house. The system does not protect you. How do I tell my child to be fearful of her father? Roger is unstable. I see that now, and I hope Roger's parents get him the help that he needs."

"As long as they ignore the problem, nothing will change."

"That terrifies me more because, at any minute, he could show up at my house again."

I pull Joan closer to me. "I will keep the security on you as long as we need them."

Joan sighs. "I heard what my mother said to you, and I am sorry that she made you angry. My mom doesn't know when to keep her mouth shut."

"Don't blame Beverly. I understand why she is concerned, but I don't like anyone comparing me to Roger."

"And I don't like my mother thinking I'd make the same mistake twice. You are not in the same hemisphere as Roger. The difference is like night and day."

"Not in the same hemisphere? I like that. Makes me feel special." I say as I laugh.

"You are very special, Jerry. More special than you know."

"Aw, honey. Thank you for saying that. You are pretty damn special too."

*****

I do protect what's mine, and that's why I call Mike as soon as I leave Joan's house. He doesn't waste any time grilling me.

"What's wrong Jerry? Are Joan and Evie okay?"

"Yes, don't worry. Joan and Evie are fine, but I'm a fucking mess." I then proceed to tell him about my conversation with Evie. Needless to say, he is as upset as I am.

"Evie asked you to fix her head?"

"Yes, and her question twists my gut. The two of them are my family now, and I'm feeling very protective. I have to ask you, Mike, what did Roger do to Evie? Was he physically abusive? I need to know if I am to help her."

It freaks me the fuck out when all I hear is dead air on the other end of the phone. Then I listen to the flick of a lighter, and now I know something is wrong. Mike only smokes when he is pissed off or drunk. Tonight, he is pissed off. "Are you smoking?" I ask him.

"Yeah. Haven't had a cigarette in a few weeks. Thanks for setting me off tonight."

"Sorry, Mike. I have no one else to talk to about this. I need your help. Please speak to me."

Mike sighs rather loudly into the phone. "As you know, the Randall family has connections all throughout New York. Daddy dearest pulls strings in that family. They walk around like puppets, bowing in subjugation to the supreme judge. Evie was an inconvenience to Roger. I tried to tell Joan to get the fuck out of that marriage. I asked her to come to California and live with us. She refused many times, telling me that she loved Roger, and whatever was wrong in their marriage would work itself out in time. I didn't believe her, so the Christmas before she left the fucker, we flew to New York to surprise her."

"Roger was not happy to see us because his father had the itinerary planned for the holiday. I didn't care, and I had no desire to spend the holiday with his family. I managed to persuade them to have dinner with us on Christmas Eve. Evie was happy because she got to play with my kids. We went to a family-friendly restaurant, and as soon as we sat down, Roger looked uncomfortable. We were not in a five-star restaurant."

"The place was noisy, the kids were loud and animated, and he just snapped. Evie was in and out of her seat, and Roger grabbed her arm and threw her back into her seat. In a matter of minutes, she had bruises on her little arm. Joan freaked out and slapped him in front of everyone. He threw back his chair and left the restaurant. I asked Joan later that night if Roger ever hit Evie, and she swore he didn't. Abuse can also be psychological, and in my mind, I see Roger verbally abusing my niece. I can only assume he took his anger out on my sister. The next morning, I confronted Roger, and he shoved me a few times. I wasn't taking his shit, and we had a loud argument. He threatened me, and I threatened him. Then he turned to Joan, dug his nails into her arm, and told her to get her fucking family out of his house. Joan refused, and he shoved her. I had caught her before she hit the floor. That is when my fist connected with his fucking face."

"That was the last time I saw the son of a bitch. I can't prove it, but judging by the way Evie reacted, that was not the first time he got physical with her in some way. I feel it in my bones, Jerry. I know this is why Evie is afraid of people, especially men. I am happy and relieved you are there to protect them."

I can't tell Mike what Joan shared with me because this is her story to tell, not mine. "I have become very attached to her Mike, and I feel very protective. After what happened in July, I am afraid Roger will show up again and cause trouble. Why is he doing this to her? Roger knows how to inflict pain, and I am worried about Joan and Evie. Is he a violent person? Can his anger escalate to the point where he critically injures Joan?"

"Roger has a hair trigger. He was probably high at the restaurant, and that worries me."

"I feel like it's the calm before the storm. Roger won't get his hands on Joan again, not if I have anything to say about it. I'll break his fucking legs before he touches her, or Evie again."

"Good. I feel better knowing you are there to take care of Joan and Evie. I hate being three thousand miles away from her."

"Thanks, Mike. Do me a favor and keep this conversation between the two of us. I don't think Joan will appreciate me going behind her back about this."

Mike laughs into the phone. "Oh, I know my sister. She would kick your ass to the sidewalk if she found out you are snooping into something that she's not ready to discuss with you. I have a friend in the District Attorney's office in Sacramento who can recommend a private investigator. Let me do a little digging. She can't kick my ass because I'm her brother."

"That's a good idea. I want to see whatever the investigator finds out about Roger."

"My sister is lucky to have you in her life, Jerry. Thanks for calling me."

"You're welcome. I'll talk to you next week, and put down the cigarettes. You know they will kill you."

"Yeah, yeah I hear you."
Chapter 8

Joan

Today is the day that I have to face Roger in court. Clifford managed to convince the court that Roger is repentant for what he did to me, and so, we are scheduled to meet in Judge DeMarco's chambers to arbitrate a pleas agreement. I'm nervous, and I've been bouncing around all night in bed. At three in the morning, I give up any attempt at sleep and get out of bed. My mother hears me walking down the hallway and opens her bedroom door.

"Why are you up so early?" she asks me.

"I can't sleep. I keep thinking about facing Roger today, and it's making me sick. I need a cup of tea."

"Go back to bed. I'll get the tea for you."

"Can you also bring me a muffin? My stomach is a little upset."

"I'll bring you anything you want honey if it makes you feel better."

"Nothing will make me feel better until this day is over."

I crawl back into bed and cover my head with the sheet. I feel like a little child again cowering under the covers because the boogie man scared me while I slept. Roger is a living, breathing boogie man, and my worst nightmare. I feel a sharp cramp in my side just thinking about him. I'm worn out, and so tired of the drama. I wish Jerry was here sleeping next to me. I need the comfort of his strong embrace. I need him to anchor me, to calm me, and help me get through this day.

My mother comes into my room with a cup of tea and one of her delicious banana muffins. Her muffins have magical properties and always settles my upset stomach. She sits on the bed next to me and turns on the television. Her presence in my room calms me. I don't know what I would have done had she not moved with me. I've asked a lot of my mother. I've asked her to sell the home she's lived in for the past thirty years. I've asked her to uproot her life and to say goodbye to longtime friends. She never complained once about the upheaval. My mother is my rock, and I don't know what I would do without her.

I reach out to hold her hand. "Thanks, Mom. I know it's been difficult for you leaving New York, and I want to say that I appreciate everything that you gave up to move here with Evie and me. I couldn't do this without you."

My mom squeezes my hand. "You will always be my baby girl. Your father and I regretted never having more children. Life got in the way, and before I knew what had happened, I was no longer able to conceive. It's my greatest regret in life, sweetheart. When Daddy died, I thought my life was over, but then you had Evie, and I had a reason to go on with my life. I know all of this craziness with Roger has you worked up. Let's get through the hearing and see what happens. The DA's office has your back, honey. I want you prepared for whatever happens today."

"The DA's office is not happy that I will not get my day in court."

"That doesn't mean Roger is not guilty of a crime. It only says that Clifford doesn't want this to become a public issue."

"Yeah, it's all about the fucking family reputation. I want to shove that reputation up his ass."

"I'd like to see that."

"Me too!"

Jerry

Joan calls me at five in the morning. I panic when I see her name pop up on my screen. "What's wrong? Are you okay?"

"I'm pacing the floor like a caged animal. Did I wake you?"

"No, not really. I've been staring at the ceiling for at least an hour. Are you ready for today?"

"No, I'm not ready, but I have to face whatever happens. I just want to get this over with, and to see Roger go back to New York."

"What time do you want me at your house?"

"The hearing is scheduled for ten."

"I might as well get up and take a shower. I'll be at your house by seven-thirty."

"Thank you for coming with me today. I can't do this without you, and my mom."

"I should tell you that four of the guys are coming with us, and will be nearby should we need them."

"Wow, this feels like a covert operation."

"I told you that I would protect the two of you. I meant what I said, and these guys have all sorts of tricks up their sleeves. They still have connections within the department. I can guarantee you that there will be a few active duty police officers in and around the area. We've got you covered, in more ways than one."

"That makes me feel very safe."

*****

My head is about to explode at the thought of Joan being in the same room as that sick fucking bastard. I must be the bigger man and rein in the urge to beat the shit out of him. I cannot do anything that will reflect negatively on Joan. I will not give Roger any ammunition that he can use against her. After I've showered and dressed in my best suit, I force down breakfast and drive to Joan's house. When I park the car on the street, I see my dad's SUV. I forgot that my parents are watching Evie today because Beverly is coming with us. She is a material witness, and her testimony is vital. I also know that the arresting officers will also be in the room. Why this is not going to trial is beyond my comprehension. The judge is pulling a lot of strings, and that pisses me off.

After my parents leave with Evie, we get in the car and drive to City Hall. You could hear a pin drop in the car. Beverly is staring out the window, and Joan is cracking her knuckles. I reach over to place my hand on top of hers and link our fingers together. We stay like this until I need both hands to park the car. As soon as we exit the car, we are surrounded by our security detail. Joe picked the biggest and meanest guys to protect us. Seriously, these guys are fucking intimidating, and they surround us as we walk into City Hall.

I am still holding Joan's hand, and I feel her tense and squeeze the shit out of my fingers when she sees Roger and Clifford sitting on a bench outside of the judge's chambers, along with our attorney Chris Lucas, and someone who I assume is Roger's lawyer. Roger sees Joan, and he stands up and walks towards her. I place myself in front of her, and she cowers behind me. I physically feel her shrink up and plaster herself on my back. Two of the security detail also surround her. Roger gets to within twelve inches of me, and he's chomping at the bit to get to Joan. I widen my stance, cross my arms over my chest, and get in his face. "Back off and leave her alone."

"Who the fuck are you?" he screams.

"I am Joan's boyfriend, and you will back the fuck off, now."

"You didn't waste any time, did you, bitch. Are you fucking him?"

That's it. I've had enough of this jerk-off and snapped my fingers. The other two bodyguards flank Roger, and he looks like he's about to piss himself. He glares at me, and when he does, I see dilated pupils. He's strung out on something. Clifford practically drags Roger back to where they were sitting, and he is irritated and frustrated. Roger turns around and says to me, "I hope she doesn't fuck up your life like she did mine."

"You did that to yourself," I hear Joan say behind me. "No one forced the drugs down your throat."

"That's enough," Clifford says to Roger. "Shut your mouth."

*****

Judge Nicholas DeMarco is not pleased to be in this situation, and he said so right from the start of this fiasco. "Judge Randall, I do not appreciate being placed in this position. It is inappropriate for a sitting judge to pull strings to avoid a court trial. Your reputation is irrelevant, and while I do not like how I became involved in this issue, I will resolve this today. This case should be handled in the proper criminal court proceedings, and not mediated by me. A crime was committed, and the fact that Mr. Randall is attempting to circumvent the judicial process has no bearing on my decision."

He looks down at the case file on his desk. "I have reviewed the facts in this case, and I have already spoken to the arresting officers. Everyone, out of my chambers. Ms. Randall, you, Mr. Lucas, and Ms. Wilkinson, please remain seated."

Roger screams. "I want to hear what she has to say! She fucked up my life. I have a right to listen to what the bitch has to say!"

Roger stands and makes a move towards Joan. I get in his way again, and he punches me in the face. He only gets one free punch, and when he raises his fist again, I grab his fist and twist his arm.

"Guard!" I hear the Judge yell out. The door to his chambers flies open, and my team, as well as two Deputy Sheriffs, run into the room. The deputies subdue Roger quickly.

"Get him out of my chambers."

Roger is bucking and kicking one of the Sheriffs. "No. I have the right to hear what she has to say. I have rights. You'll pay for what you did to me bitch!"

Judge DeMarco stands and says, "Mr. Randall if you do not halt your behavior, I will find you in contempt of court. We are here today to arbitrate a pleas agreement, and you will respect the judicial process. Now, once again, remove him from my chambers." He turns to Clifford and says, "I suggest you control your son. Otherwise, this meeting is over."

Joan looks up at me, and the expression on her face turns from fear to sadness. I can feel the blood dripping from my nose, and the judge is kind enough to give me a few tissues.

"Are you okay, Mr. Miller? Do you need medical assistance?"

"No, thank you Judge DeMarco. I am a doctor, and it's just a bloody nose."

"Feel free to use my private bathroom to wipe the blood from your face."

He points to the door at the far end of his chambers, and when I turn on the light and look at my face, I am relieved that Roger did not break my nose. The fucker can't throw a punch. Lucky for me. After I clean up the mess, I walk back into his chambers and over to Joan. I sit in the chair next to her and hold her hand. "I'm okay honey. Take a deep breath and focus your thoughts. I will be outside waiting for you." I lean in, kiss her cheek and whisper, "I love you."

Once I am in the hallway, it takes every ounce of my strength to keep from beating the shit out of Roger. The Deputy Sheriff has him cuffed, and I can see by the expression on his face that Clifford is reprimanding Roger for his behavior. I walk to the end of the hallway and pace the floor. I can't remember ever being this angry. Joe walks over to me and pats me on the back.

"It's crucial that you keep your cool. Clifford is watching your every move. Their lawyer is looking for any excuse to use against Joan. You did the right thing in there by not reacting to his punch."

"I want to beat the piss out of him."

"And that would have hurt Joan. Keep your shit together Jerry until we get out of here. If you need a sparring partner, let me know. I'd be happy to go a few rounds with you."

"Are you serious? I'm a surgeon. The last thing I need is to hurt my hands. I wonder what's going on behind those closed doors."

"I know Judge DeMarco. He's not a pussy, so the fact that he got stuck with this tells me the order came from someone of significant influence, possibly the state capital."

"Does Joan have a chance of convincing him that Roger is dangerous?"

"After today's display of aggression? Roger is either going on house arrest, or to rehab. I don't see this ending any other way."

Joan

It takes me several minutes to calm down, and the judge is kind enough to give me this time. While I settle, he talks to my lawyer about the case. I haven't heard a word they have said because all I can see is Jerry's bloody face, and while it upsets me that Roger hit him, I am happy that his aggression came to the surface in front of the judge. Once I have calmed down, I proceed to tell the judge what the last two years of my life were like with Roger.

"I am afraid, Judge DeMarco. The fact that Roger drove from New York to hurt me says that he needs help. I don't want him near my daughter, or me. I am afraid that he will attack me again. Can you keep him away from me?"

"Honestly, I don't know why this case landed on my desk, and not in criminal court."

Next, my mother gives her testimony, which in many ways mirrors mine.

Chris has a suggestion. "Judge, it is evident to everyone that Judge Randall is trying to whitewash the facts in this case. The DA's office is prepared to refile criminal charges if necessary. He assaulted Ms. Randall, and the fact that we are here today goes against what the District Attorney's office wanted for Joan's case. Mr. Randall committed a premeditated attack on my client. He drove through two states and had plenty of time to turn around and go back home. Mr. Randall did not take into consideration that his daughter would witness this attack. Had the police not arrived when they did, I fear Ms. Randall's injuries would have been significantly worse. If the defendant wishes to avoid a court trial, then I suggest sixty days court-ordered rehab, in the proper facility, without the option to leave at the end of the day. I also recommend six months court-ordered community service."

"Ms. Randall, do you accept the recommendation of the DA's office? I would rather see this go to trial, but it is up to you."

What the hell do I do now? Send Roger to jail, or facilitate the help that he needs. "I will agree to rehab and community service, but I want assurances that he will stay in New York, and away from my daughter and me. If this happens again, I will make sure that every newspaper in New York State knows what happened to me. What I have just said is not a threat, Judge DeMarco, it's a promise. I've had enough of Clifford's interference in my life. When will it end?"

"I am afraid it will end one of two ways, Ms. Randall. Jail, or an overdose. It's obvious to me that Mr. Randall has a drug problem. I agree with Mr. Lucas' recommendation. If he steps foot outside his pre-arranged schedule, he will be in jail within the hour."

Jerry

"What the hell is taking so long?" I ask Joe.

"These things take time Jerry. I am sure the judge is thorough in his questioning."

No sooner had Joe said that to me, when I see the chamber doors open. One sheriff walks up to me and another to Judge Randall. The judge wants to speak to us. Joan is surprised and relieved to see me. Chris rises from his seat which allows me to sit next to Joan. Our hands immediately reach out to touch each other. Clifford takes his seat next to me. The tension in the room amps up a few degrees. The judge's eyes look down at our entwined hands and smiles.

"Doctor Miller. You have a unique perspective on the events that have brought us here today. I would like to hear what you have to say, and please, do not filter your response." To Clifford, he says, "Judge Randall, you will remain silent. I have asked you to join us because I want you to understand how the actions of your son have affected Joan and her daughter. I do not want your opinion. I do not want to hear one word from you. Are we clear on this matter?"

The judge nods his head, yes, but I can see the anger, and more importantly, the embarrassment in his eyes. Well, this is a turn of events, and now I finally have the opportunity to speak my mind. I have nothing to lose and everything to gain in speaking the truth.

"I have known Joan for a long time. Her brother Mike and I are best friends, and when I had the good fortune of seeing her again, I knew almost immediately that she is 'it' for me. When Joan told me about how her marriage had disintegrated, and what caused her to file for divorce, I was beyond angry. How could anyone treat such a beautiful, kind and loving woman in such a horrible way is beyond my comprehension. Add in the trauma that Evie is still dealing with, and I suddenly felt very protective."

"I fell in love with Joan very quickly, and we have formed a bond that no one will break. I have worked so hard to gain Evie's trust. It's not easy for her. Evie is afraid of almost everything. Her father turned a sweet innocent child into a frightened, anxiety-prone little girl who is afraid of men, loud noises, and new places. It took me months to gain her trust."

"After the attack, Evie retreated into herself again. I was back to square one, and that infuriates me. Regardless of how Roger feels about Joan, he has no right to traumatize his child. How could any father do something so horrible to his child? I don't understand his obsession. Why would Roger cross two state lines to attack his ex-wife? In my opinion, Judge Randall is behind all of this. He is pulling strings and filling Roger's head with bullshit. It's easy taking advantage of an addict. If Roger had his way, he would crawl into a dark room and self-medicate."

"They want to hurt Joan for what they consider is a stain on the family reputation, and the only way to do that is through intimidation and fear. No one forced the drugs down Roger's throat. He had access to class one narcotics, and he made a terrible decision. Instead of admitting that he was over his head professionally, and admitting his weakness to his parents, Roger self-medicated, became abusive, and destroyed his family. No one is to blame except Roger."

"I am telling you today that I'm not going anywhere. Joan and Evie are in my life for as long as I live. I have ten retired police officers protecting them twenty-four seven. Who wants to live this way? Every outing, every trip to the store is a coordinated effort. This turmoil will not end until the responsible parties take responsibility for their actions."

I turn to Judge Randall and let it all go. "I don't understand why we are here today. Roger committed a crime, and you are trying to sweep it under the rug. Did you see the pictures the police took after the attack? You may think your shit doesn't stink because of your position, but I am here to tell you that you are no different from anyone else, and I want you to stop interfering in Joan's life. I don't care about the reputation of your family, your standing in the community, or how many people kiss your ass. I am not a weak minded individual who can be led by the tail and told what to do. I want Roger to stay away from Joan and Evie. I want him back in New York where he belongs. Make that happen, Judge. Roger needs help, and as long as you blatantly ignore what is staring you in the face, none of this turmoil will end for Joan."

"You now know how I feel, Judge DeMarco. The safety of Joan and Evie is paramount to me, and I'll do what is necessary to protect them. If I see Roger anywhere near them, he won't escape justice a second time. His family will not be able to protect him a second time."

When I look over at Joan, her eyes are bugging out of her head, and I wink and smile at her. No one fucks with my family, and I am more than certain that Joan and Evie are my family, my life, the loves of my life. A few minutes later, Roger, the sheriffs, and my security team walk into the judge's chambers. Roger's eyes shoot daggers at me when he sees that I am still holding Joan's hand. To further piss him off, I raise her hand to my lips and kiss her. Once everyone sits down, Judge DeMarco speaks.

"This case should have never come across my desk. Judge Randall, you exerted undue influence to brush this issue under the rug. This case goes far beyond the assault against Ms. Randall. This case also speaks of family influence, inflated egos, and the disregard for someone who is obviously in need of help. Therefore, the court recommends that Roger Allen Randall be sentenced to sixty days court order rehab along with a psychological evaluation, in the proper facility, without the option to leave at the end of the day. I also order Mr. Randall to perform six months court-ordered community service to be determined by myself at the end of his rehabilitation."

"The original terms of the restraining order are still in effect. Mr. Randall, you have a one-time pass. I suggest you get the help you need to deal with the issues you currently face in your life. You will remain in New York State and obey the terms of the restraining order. If you come within one hundred feet of Joan Lesley Randall, or Evelyn Marie Randall, the local authorities will issue an arrest warrant, and no one, including your father, will be able to help you."

"Judge Randall, I will state again that your interference is unacceptable. I am also giving you a one time pass, but if my colleagues or I am ever put in this position again, and believe me, I will know, I will file a complaint against you with the New York Commission of Judicial Misconduct. Regardless of your position within the court system, judges are held to a higher standard and are expected to follow the rules of law. You put me in an awkward situation, and that will not happen again."

"Mr. Randall, I expect you to leave the state within the hour. You will comply with the rulings of this court and serve your sentence accordingly." The gavel hits the desk. "This case is closed."

The Judge leaves the chambers, Roger and his father leave the room, followed by the two sheriffs, and everyone breathes a sigh of relief. Joan covers her face with her hands and cries. I look at everyone and signal that we need to be alone, and everyone leaves quietly. Once we are alone, I hold Joan in my arms.

"It's okay honey. Let it out. Today has been very stressful."

Joan cries in my arms for several minutes, and the sound of her crying hits a raw nerve. I feel like crying with her, but I need to be strong for her. Joan needs to know that I will always be a source of comfort, her fiercest protector, and her future.

"What you said, Jerry. I can't begin to tell you how your words affected me. You love us. I would not let myself believe you loved me because of Roger."

"And do you believe me now, sweetheart?" I whisper as I place soft kisses on the side of her neck.

"Yes, I believe you, Jerry. I love you so much."

"I love you too baby. Let's go home."

"No. I don't want to go home. Can we do something this afternoon?"

"Sure. What would you like to do?"

"Can we have lunch and go to the Art Museum?"

"Whatever you want honey."

*****

Beverly says, "I'd like to go home, Joan. I'm a little tired, and I want to see Evie."

"I'll drive you," Chris says. "The two of you enjoy the day. I would like to say something before I leave. Joan, I know you wanted a court trial, and I agree that this is not what the DA's office wanted for your case, but given the circumstances, I feel this is the best outcome for everyone involved. The court is forcing Roger to face his issues. Hopefully, he will take advantage of the judge's generosity, and get the help that he needs."

"Jerry, I seriously want to give you a man hug. What you said to the Judge and Clifford had me fist pumping you in my mind. You gave him one serious smackdown, and I frigging love it. Judicial interference in court proceedings is a serious violation, and whoever he reached out to has serious clout. They now know that you are in this together. Keep the security on the girls for the foreseeable future. It will give Joan and Evie peace of mind, and if you need me for anything Joan, please call me. I want to help you."

"Thank you, Chris, for everything. Hopefully, this will be the end of my problems with Roger."

I know this isn't over. Roger will be back, and this won't end until he is dead.

*****

"So, where would you like to go for lunch? We have the entire afternoon to ourselves. Let's enjoy this beautiful day!"

"I haven't been to the Reading Terminal Market in a few years. Let's go there for lunch."

Joan and I walk hand in hand down Market Street. It's a little past two in the afternoon, and the streets are busy with shoppers and other people going to lunch. As we walk, I sense that Joan is relaxing. We stop at Macy's to window shop, and I drag Joan into the store. I want to buy her something special.

"Where are we going?"

"Can't I buy my girl a present? I think you deserve something special."

"You don't have to buy me anything."

"Yes, I do. I want everyone to know that we are a couple, and I know what I want to buy for you." Why is she resisting me? "What's wrong? Why are you uncomfortable?"

"I'm sorry. Roger never did this for me. If I wanted something special, I bought it myself, with my money."

I bite the inside of my mouth because she has had enough stress for one day. Never again will Joan feel this way. "Well, you have me now, and I love to spoil the two of you. Go with the flow sweetheart. Your life is about to change in a big way."

Joan laughs. "It's already changed, and I couldn't be happier. If Roger stays away from me, then life will be perfect."

"Whatever happens in the future sweetheart, you will have my family, and me, by your side. You and Evie are a part of my family now, and we protect and support each other. Now, release the death grip that you have on my hand, and let me buy you something special."

"Okay, if that's what you want, have at it."

We walk over to the jewelry counter, and I see what I want to purchase for Joan. In the case, I see a five-karat diamond tennis necklace. I ask the sales person to let me see it up close. Joan shakes her head no.

"No, Jerry. That is too expensive. Pick out something else."

"No," I tell her. "This is what I want you to wear."

We bicker for a few minutes, and eventually, Joan gives up the fight. Joan will wear it as a symbol of my eternal love. I have worked a long time, and never had anyone to spoil. The money sits in the bank because I have no time to spend it. After I make my purchase, I take off the price tag and hold it in front of Joan. "Lift your hair."

Joan lifts her hair, and I place the necklace around her beautiful neck and secure the clasp. I whisper in her ear. "This necklace represents my eternal love for you. I never want you to remove this from your beautiful neck. Every time you look at it, every time you touch it, think of me and remember that I love you. I will always love you."

Joan's eyes fill with tears as her fingers lightly run across the diamonds. I don't care that it costs me five thousand dollars. Money means nothing if you cannot share it with the people you love most, and it is evident to me that Joan is not accustomed to being treated this way. I vow to always make her feel loved and cherished. Joan walks over to the mirror that sits on the counter and stares for several minutes at her reflection. I walk up behind her, wrap my arms around her body, and kiss her neck. The saleswoman is standing several feet away from us, and she's fanning herself.

"Thank you so much. I don't know what to say."

"Just say thank you, and I love you too."

"I do love you Jerry, and thank you isn't enough."

"It's enough for me, honey. I only want you to be happy."

Hand in hand, we leave Macy's and walk to Reading Terminal for lunch. After we receive our lunch order of cheesesteaks, french fries, and onion rings, we walk outside and sit at one of the sidewalk tables. It's been such a long time since I've taken any time for myself. The cheesesteak melts in my mouth, and the onion rings top off the perfect lunch. I am wearing sunglasses, and it is impossible for Joan to see my eyes that watch her every move. I am waiting for the fallout from this morning, but it never comes. Instead, Joan raises her hand several times to finger her necklace, and that makes me happy.

After we finish lunch, I move my chair closer to hers and wrap my arm around her shoulder. I unbuckle my belt and let out a grateful sigh. "Damn, I haven't eaten that much for lunch in a long time. You may have to roll me up JFK Boulevard to the Art Museum."

"I think we both need the exercise because my pants are strangling me. I also ate too much food. Can we sit here for a few minutes? I am too tired to move."

"Instead of going to the museum, would you like to take a carriage ride around the old city? It's such a beautiful day."

"Oh, I would love that. Every Saturday my dad took me for a carriage ride in Central Park, then we ate hot dogs and cheese fries. I have so many good memories of that time with my dad. When he got sick, our time together was limited. He was in and out of the hospital for over two years, and he was too frail to ride in the carriage. I miss him so much."

"We can carry on the tradition with Evie, but for today, I want to share this with you."

We walk a few blocks down Market Street and see a carriage sitting on the side of the street outside the visitor center. I give the guy enough money to make the trip four times. Once we sit down in the back of the carriage, I raise my arm, and Joan curls into me. Her head rests on my shoulder, and our feet are propped up on the adjacent seat. Having Joan in my arms is my idea of heaven. The gentle rocking of the carriage has Joan relaxing in my arms.

"This brings back so many memories of my dad. Thank you for doing this for me."

"It's such a hardship holding you in my arms."

"I love my necklace. I will treasure it always, and it will be something that I can pass down to Evie."

"And I will treasure you and Evie always. Close your eyes honey and enjoy the ride."

Five minutes later, Joan is asleep in my arms. I close my eyes and say a silent prayer that Roger stays far away from us.
Chapter 9

Joan

One month later

"My mother is having a surprise seventy-fifth birthday party for my dad in two weeks, and we have an open invitation. It will be something similar to Ethan and Diane's wedding, and they want to have the party on the beach before the weather changes."

"That sounds nice. I had a good time at Ethan's wedding."

"Yeah, it was a fantastic wedding. Can you keep a secret?"

"Sure, what is it?"

"Ethan told me that Diane is pregnant. They are waiting until Labor Day to tell the kids. You should have heard Ethan when he shared the good news. He was practically crying. He is so happy about the baby."

I reach over to hold Joan's hand. "I've been single my entire adult life. My mother stopped asking about my relationships at least ten years ago. She told me more than once that I need to get a life outside the hospital. Her concerns always annoyed me because I thought I had a good life. This past year has changed my attitude towards my 'so-called good life.' I went home to an empty house, an empty bed, and an empty life. It never bothered me until Diane's accident. Everything changed for me that day. And then I met you again, and I've never been this happy in my entire life."

Something about the sincerity in Jerry's voice has me choking back the tears. I want to be happy again, and the seven months that I've spent with Jerry have been the happiest I've had in many years. Evie is happy, and the bond that she has with Jerry grows stronger every day. Today, we venture into uncharted territory. Jerry and Evie will spend the day alone, without Mommy. "I haven't felt this relaxed in I don't know how long. Are you ready for your special day with Evie?"

"Yes, I am. I have whipped cream and sprinkles in the car, and once we eat breakfast, we're off to Atlantic City. I want her to run up and down the beach and be a happy little girl. We'll collect sea shells, eat funnel cake, and maybe ride the teacups."

"Evie will go nuts running on the beach. It's all she's talked about all week. This morning she picked out her clothes, and asked me if Doctor Jerry will like what she picked out."

"She's changed so much over the past few weeks. Have you seen all of the drawings in her book? Evie has real talent, and I think one day we should enroll her in art classes."

"Aren't you getting ahead of yourself? She's only six years old."

"She won't always be six years old, and I think if we nurture her talent, it would only help her."

"You sound like her father." As soon as I say those words, my heart is in my throat. The look in Jerry's eyes goes from playful to intense.

"I want to be her father. I want to be your husband. I want to come home after a long day, and see your beautiful faces smile at me."

"You almost have me believing there is a pot of gold at the end of the rainbow."

"You sound a little jaded, and I can understand why, but as I've said many times, you and Evie deserve to be happy, and I want to make that happen. My heart feels lighter when I'm with the two of you. Shit, I sound like Ethan."

"What's wrong with that? Ethan is a good man."

"Yes, he is, but I'm not the hearts and flowers type of guy. I have a dominant personality, whereas, Ethan has more of an easy going, go with the flow kind of personality."

My guard goes up at the word dominant, and images of Roger pushing me around makes my blood run cold. I feel the color leave my face, and Jerry sees it.

"What's wrong Joan? You are very pale. Are you sick?"

I take a minute to answer Jerry because my heart is pounding so hard I feel like I can't breathe.

"Joan, honey, talk to me. What's wrong? Did I say something to upset you?"

"When you told me you have a dominant personality, I had a flashback to when Roger hit me in the kitchen. I feared for my life, and when he had his hands around my neck, I thought I was going to die." I see a myriad of emotions flicker across his face, and I also see Jerry fighting very hard to maintain control of his anger. He's angry on my behalf, and his support means everything to me.

"I know you have a hard time believing that what we have is real, but it is, and I am not going anywhere. I love you with my whole heart, and I've never said that to another woman, not even Mary. When she left me on our wedding day, I swore to myself that I would never fall in love again, and for the next twenty years, I remained distant. I kept the women that I dated at arm's length. I guarded my heart because the last thing that I needed was to feel those emotions again. I have to be honest with you Joan. When you were in the hospital, my only thought was that I couldn't lose you. I felt the panic when I saw the bruises, and my mind went to a dark place. I had to protect you and Evie."

"Please do not ever fear me. I am not Roger, nor will I ever raise a hand to you in anger. I grew up in a loving home with two wonderful parents, who showed us every day how much they loved each other. I carried those values with me into adulthood. My only vice is an occasional drink and a good cigar. It's easy making comparisons, but don't do that to me. All I want is for you to be happy with me. I want to share my life with you."

I feel awful because the last thing I want is to have Roger stand in the way of my happiness. I lived an unhappy life the last few years of my marriage, and I know in my heart that I can trust Jerry. "I'm sorry. I don't know why I sabotage myself when I've been so happy the past few months. Roger played games with me all the time. He said he loved me, and then he made sure I was subservient to his needs. I see that now, and I am so afraid of having that happen to me again. When I heard you say you have a dominant personality, I had a flashback to the night Roger broke my ribs in the kitchen. I've never seen him like that before. His eyes looked wild, and he kept screaming that I was an embarrassment as a wife, and the kid just gets in the way. Why the hell did I get pregnant? I know Evie heard him screaming at me, and I think this is why she's afraid in general. Roger made a mess of the kitchen. He threw pots and dishes at me, and all I could think about was that my baby could hear what was going on. I knew she was still awake because I had just given her medicine and she was coloring in bed."

"It's so hard getting past what happened to me, Jerry. I think I am afraid to be happy because it could be taken away from me again. I loved Roger so much when we were first married. I'm still trying to figure out when all of that changed for us. Roger was always annoyed that he had to grow up and be a responsible parent. Whenever we were in public and Evie acted up, Roger would scream at her. My God, she was only a little girl. All children act up at some point. He scolded her and made Evie cry. Looking back, that's when the arguing started. I hated the way he treated Evie, and we fought constantly. And then he started coming home late. At first, I waited up for him, and when he finally came home, all we did was argue. Then, it was later and later in the evening, until I eventually gave up and went to bed. When I woke in the morning, I was alone in bed."

"Help me get past this, Jerry. I want us to be happy. I want Evie to have a positive male role model in her life. She's over the moon about you, and that makes me happy. I try so hard not to think about how he treated me, but once in a while, it creeps back into my head. I don't want to think about him, but I can't help it. I know he's out there, and he could show up at my door to cause trouble again."

Jerry tilts my head up so that our eyes meet. The look on his face is a mixture of understanding, compassion, and love. I know he loves me, and I love him very much. I see my future when I look into his eyes. I don't want to live in the past. I want to look forward to the future. It's a liberating feeling when I finally realize that I can let go of the past.

"I've waited a long time for you Joan, and I don't want to live my life alone. I've enjoyed this time with you and Evie. The best part of my day is the time I spend with the two of you. Our relationship grows stronger every day, and I want to share my life with you and Evie."

Before I have a chance to respond, Evie runs into the living room and practically plows into Jerry.

"You're here. Can we leave now? I want to see the ocean."

"Do you have your bag, pencils, and crayons?"

"Yep. Mommy bought me a new book yesterday. I have a lot of pictures to show you when we get to the ocean. Can we leave now?"

Jerry and I look at each other and laugh. "Give Jerry five minutes honey. Get all of your things together, and give me a minute to talk to Jerry. Go into the kitchen and ask Granny to pack the basket for you."

"Okay, but I'll be back in five minutes."

Jerry laughs as he watches Evie leave the room. "Damn, she sounds like Kellie."

"Evie is so different when you're here. She's more animated and happy. Today will be the ultimate test. Give me your keys. I packed an extra set of clothes for Evie, but I don't want her to see it, because it may hamper her progress. I'll put it in the trunk of your car."

Jerry hands me his keys, and I run out of the house before Evie sees the bag.

Jerry

I think I am more excited about today than Evie is because this day will determine how Evie reacts when she is alone with me. Our first stop is breakfast at our usual hangout. She no longer gets upset by the noise and people in the diner. We sit at our usual table, and the waitress knows us now.

"Hi, Evie. Do you want your usual breakfast?"

"Yes, please. And can I have apple juice instead of milk? Doctor Jerry likes apple juice, and I want to have it too."

Why does it make me happy that Evie is trying to mimic me? I smile at the waitress as I place my order. Evie leans into me and whispers, "Do you have it?"

"Of course I do. I never leave home without it." We are talking about the whipped cream and sprinkles. I have a case of it at home, along with several containers of sprinkles. Today I have a surprise for Evie. Chocolate whipped cream and rainbow sprinkles. When the waitress plates our food, I reach into my bag and pull out the can of whipped cream, and a container of rainbow sprinkles shaped like stars. I had to search for the damn things and order them online. I'd do anything for Evie, and when she sees what I have in my hand, her blue eyes fill with tears.

"Why are you crying, honey? I thought you would like chocolate and different sprinkles."

"I do like them, Doctor Jerry. I hate to eat them because they look pretty."

"I have a big box of them at home. I want you to eat them. What design do you want for your pancakes today?"

"I want a star to match the sprinkles."

If Evie wants a star, she gets a star. For someone so small, she has an appetite, and thirty minutes later, Evie finished her breakfast and juice, and we are in the car and headed to Atlantic City.

*****

It's a beautiful day, and Evie is bouncing around in her booster seat, partly due to the high sugar content of her breakfast. Her face is glued to the window as we drive down the highway. I was a little apprehensive when Joan suggested I take Evie to the shore. We've always done things together, and I feared she would be uncomfortable without her mother. To my surprise, Evie is enjoying herself.

"This is fun, Doctor Jerry. How long until we get to the ocean?"

"We should be there in about one hour."

"The water is beautiful. I watched a show on TV about the ocean."

"The ocean is beautiful, but you have to be careful. The waves are high, and they can knock you off your feet. I don't want you going near the water unless you hold my hand."

"Okay, Doctor Jerry. I'll hold your hand."

I have been trying for the past seven months to get her to stop calling me doctor. "Evie, please just call me Jerry. Why do you call me doctor?"

"It sounds nice, and you helped me not to be afraid. I like calling you Doctor Jerry."

Who am I to argue with the logic of a child? "Well, since you put it that way, I guess it's okay to call me doctor, but can you also call me Jerry sometimes?"

"Okay, I can do that."

The next time I look in the rearview mirror, Evie is asleep. I wait until I park the car before waking her. "Evie, open your eyes. It's time to get out of the car. We are at the beach."

"We are? I fell asleep."

"It's okay. Now you have more energy to play in the sand."

We exit the parking garage and walk up Atlantic Avenue. Slung over her body is her tote bag that contains her notebook, and colored pencils. I believe that bag acts as her security blanket. When Evie sees the beach, she lets go of my hand and runs down to the boardwalk. I run behind her. Her enthusiasm is heartwarming, and then it all goes south when she sees all of the people on the beach. I expected this to happen, and when Evie looks up at me with fear in her eyes, I pick her up and walk over to the nearest bench and sit down. Her body trembled against mine, and I whisper in her ear, "Do you want to go home? We can do this another day."

"No, Doctor Jerry. I want to see the ocean and play in the sand, and you promised me a ride on the teacups."

"Okay, let's sit here for a few minutes until you feel ready to take a walk on the beach. Can I ask what made you afraid?"

"There are a lot of people on the beach. I don't like it when there are a lot of people near me."

"Neither do I, honey. I like to be alone."

"You do?"

"Yep. Sometimes I drive down here by myself at night and walk on the beach all alone. It feels peaceful to me, and I want your first trip with me to the beach to be fun." I reach into her bag and take out the sketch pad and pencils.

"Draw something funny for me. Take a peek at that lady over there." I point to a woman standing on the ramp that leads to the beach. "I think she should have polka dot shorts, and a green shirt, with pink hair."

"This is fun. I can do that."

I sit and watch Evie draw what I had requested. She is a talented child, and I have to find a way to get her into art class. "How do you feel now?"

"I feel better now, Doctor Jerry." She whispers to me, "I didn't pee on you again. Isn't that good? Am I getting better?"

"It's great honey, and you are perfect."

"Doctor Jerry, when I'm older, will I still be scared of people?"

"I think when you are older, you will be just like your mother. You will graduate from high school, go to college, and be anything you want to be."

"I want to be like you, Doctor Jerry. Can I be a doctor?"

God help me, but my heart just about burst with happiness. "Well, if you want to be a doctor, you have to be around people, and not be afraid. I know you can do it, Evie."

"I want to be a doctor. I can do it. Can we walk on the beach now?"

"I have a better idea. Instead of walking on the beach, do you want to make a sand castle? We can take a picture of it and send it to your mom."

"You know how to make a sand castle? Can you teach me?"

"My brother and I made sand castles every summer when we were your age. I am an expert, but first, we need a few supplies." We find the nearest thrift store and purchase two buckets, two small plastic shovels and a bag of plastic cups. We find a somewhat quiet spot away from everyone, and I walk over to the ocean and fill the buckets with water.

"The trick to a good sand castle is the texture of the sand. If you want the castle to remain standing, you only need a little bit of water. If you roll a ball in your hands without it falling apart, then you can build the castle. Let me show you how to do it."

I am an expert in the sand, water ratio, and in no time, I have formed the perfect ball of sand. I pack it tightly into one of the plastic cups, then turn it upside down and tap the bottom of the container. A perfectly formed shape now sits on the sand, and Evie is fascinated that it didn't fall apart.

"Wow. It's still standing. Can I do one now?"

I wouldn't call what we built a castle. It's looking more like Stonehenge. Rows and rows of cup-shaped sand. I suddenly have a brilliant idea. "Let's build a pyramid."

It took us two hours to build a small pyramid. Evie is covered head to toe with sand, and she never looked happier. We take a picture of our stellar project and send it to Joan. She responds immediately.

Wow. It looks beautiful.

Evie did most of the heavy work. She packed the cups with sand.

"Tell Mommy I like playing in the sand."

She wants me to tell you she loves playing in the sand.

Was she afraid?

Only for a few minutes, but we talked through it, and she is okay now.

Jerry, the child whisperer to the rescue again.

I will do anything for you, my love.

Love you, Jerry.

Love you too, baby. See you in a few hours. I need to dunk Evie in the ocean before she has my car full of sand. Is she wearing her bathing suit under her clothes?

Yes. I thought Evie might get a little dirty playing in the sand.

Great. Have to go. Miss Evie wants to ride the teacups.

*****

No one told me that the teacup ride is for children, not adults. I have a hell of a time squeezing my body into the cup, and Evie insists that I ride it with her. After a few smooth contortionist moves, I'm in the cup, and my knees are up in my chest. Ten minutes later, the ride is over, and I get out of the cup and watch Evie go around four more times. Each time she passes me, she waves at me, and an odd sensation hits me. I feel like I am her father, and I fall a little deeper in love with my two girls.

The remainder of the day is a combination of running back and forth to the ocean, collecting a ton of seashells, and lunch on the beach. By four in the afternoon, Evie is curled up under the umbrella, with her little body pressed into my side, and she is sound asleep. I cover her with a towel to protect her from the sun. I have never felt so at peace in my forty-six years on this earth. I grab my phone, take a picture, and send it to Joan.

The little princess is out of steam. We had a fantastic day, leaving soon.

I am happy Evie had fun today. See you soon. xxoo

Yes, you will. xxoo

I hate to wake her, but I want to beat the rush hour traffic. I tickle her stomach to wake her. "Wake up princess. It's time to go home."

"Do we have to? I'm having fun."

"I'm afraid so, squirt. I have to go to work tomorrow, but we can come back next Sunday with your mom. Would you like that?"

"Yeah. That would be fun."

Our first day together is a smashing success.
Chapter 10

Jerry

I haven't told Joan what happened to Diane in the park, and her subsequent catatonic state, but I feel I need to prepare Joan now that we are in a committed relationship. She will be spending more time with Ethan and Diane, and I don't want Joan to be blindsided by what happened to her. I decide to do this alone, just the two of us.

"Take a ride with me. I need to speak to you before we go to my dad's birthday party."

"Is something wrong. I felt you tense just now."

"Nothing's wrong. I just need to give you a little background about Diane, because we will be spending a lot of time together. Not many people know what happened, and since it's not my story to share, I want to give you a little background should the conversation arise in the future."

"Where do you want to go?"

"Let's go to my house. We haven't been alone in almost two weeks."

"I know, and I'm sorry."

Confused, I ask, "Why would you be sorry?"

"I know you spend a lot of time with Evie, and I think it's time we have more time alone. I am looking forward to the party. I like your family."

"I have a brilliant idea. I will ask Ethan and Diane if they will watch Evie. I'll book a room for us, and Evie can finally have her sleepover with Kellie."

"Are you sure your brother won't mind watching Evie? I need to ask her first before we do this. You know how she is around new people."

"I can guarantee you that Evie will feel at home with my brother and his family. Don't forget that Kellie will be there. I know the two of them will have a lot of fun."

Once we arrive at my house, I put on a pot of coffee, and settle in on the sofa with Joan. I love it when she curls up against me and rests her head on my shoulder. Every protective instinct in me roars to the surface when I hold her in my arms. I want this more than I can say, but I have to be patient. Joan's armor is cracking. It's only a matter of time before I have her in my bed, under me, around me, in me.

"The coffee smells delicious. I need a cup."

"Sit tight, and I'll get it for you. Do you want something to eat with it? My mother brought over coffee cake, blueberry muffins, and oatmeal raisin cookies. She loves baking for me, and who am I to turn down homemade goodies."

"A muffin sounds delicious, and throw in a few cookies. Can I help you?"

"Come into the kitchen. We can talk there." Joan follows me into the kitchen, and I hear her gasp behind me.

"Wow, your kitchen is gorgeous. Do you know how to cook?"

"Of course I do. My mother taught us to fend for ourselves at an early age. My mom was an emergency room nurse, and her hours varied. If we didn't learn how to cook, we would have starved to death. My father is a retired doctor so you can imagine the house was empty for a significant part of our childhood. Ethan and I cooked dinner most days because of their schedule. I make a mean pot of sauce, and if I do say so myself, my meatballs are better than my mother's but don't tell her that. She will kick my ass. She may be small, but she's feisty."

"We're not here to talk about my mother. Sorry, I'm rambling. I hate talking about what happened to Diane." Joan reaches across the table to hold my hand, and I link my fingers with hers, which gives me the strength to tell her Diane's story. My throat tightens several times because my emotions are still too close to the surface where Diane is concerned.

"It was awful Joan. Diane struggled to get where she is now. It wasn't easy for Ethan because the love he feels for Diane is ever present in his life, and when she first came home, it was difficult for him. Diane chose to live with my parents because she felt uncomfortable living with Ethan and the kids. I know her decision hurt him deeply, but he pushed back the pain and did what was best for his wife. The kids did their best to live with her decision, but they were upset by it. Kellie couldn't understand why her mother would not come home to them."

"And then she left the house late at night, got lost, and walked for I don't know how long until she found what she thought was a safe place, a park not far from their house. It wasn't safe for her, and she was assaulted and left on the ground partially clothed. Thank God a jogger found her and called the police. What happened to her pushed her over the edge, and for the next five months, she lay in a catatonic state, with IV's and nasogastric intubation to keep her nourished."

"It wasn't easy those first few months after she woke up. Ethan and Diane's relationship was fragile then, but they worked together, and with the help of therapy, they fell in love again. Imagine our surprise when on the day of their wedding, Diane passed out on the beach, and when she woke up, she remembered everything. She told us later that she'd been having dreams, which were memories, and when Diane saw Ethan in his tuxedo, their first wedding flashed in her mind, and she fainted. I thought my dad would have a freaking heart attack. Ethan is walking on cloud nine now that Diane is pregnant. He can't keep his hands off her. What you saw the day of the wedding was a culmination of over a year of recovery.yes I "

It breaks my heart when I see tears in Joan's eyes. I did not want to upset her. "Please don't cry, Joan. I didn't mean to upset you."

"What your brother and Diane have endured touches me deeply. I wanted Roger to love me that way, but he didn't. Could you ever love me that way, Jerry? Could you love my daughter as your own?"

I now face the moment of truth, total, brutal truth. I must be honest and tell Joan exactly how I feel. Like I said before, I am not accustomed to this type of relationship, but if I don't step up now, I fear I will not have a second chance.

Joan

Now it's time for me to be honest. "It worries me that both of us have significant baggage that we are bringing into this relationship. I'm not stupid enough to think that Roger will disappear from my life. I have peace now that he is in rehab, but what happens at the end of his treatment? Roger is a weak person, and I can see him going back to his bad habits. What if he shows up at my door again? I am so glad that I have someone watching the house. That makes me feel safe at night."

"The guys have agreed to protect you for however long it takes for Roger to get the message that you have moved on with your life. I know they volunteered to do this for us, but I've started reimbursing them for expenses. Joe gave me a hard time, but I insisted that they submit expense statements. I have to pay them something."

"I can only speak for myself when I say that for the first time in many years, my life is now peaceful. You have to understand that I've been alone for a long time, and for the first time since Mary had died, I have a normal relationship. We sit in front of the television and just relax. We go to the movies and eat pizza. We take Evie to the beach and build sand castles. I haven't done a lot of this since college. All I've done is work. My life centers around my job, and I am tired, Joan. Diane's accident affected me on so many levels. I want to slow down and enjoy my life before I'm too old to give a shit. Whatever does or doesn't happen with Roger, we are in this together. Jesus, I do sound like Ethan. I'm working hard on this relationship, honey. It's not easy for me spilling my emotional guts for all to see."

It's about time Jerry is honest with me. I've felt him skirting around the issue since we started this crazy relationship. I also want to move forward, and there is so much that I want from him. I want stability. I want security. I want to feel safe with him, and I want Evie to continue to be a happy child. She smiles so much lately, and that makes my heart happy. We need time alone together. I am ready to take our relationship to the next level.

I reach across the table to hold his hand. "You've done an excellent job telling me how you feel, and I am relieved that you finally feel comfortable enough in this relationship to share some of your deeper feelings with me. Let's make a commitment to each other, right now. From this day forward, we speak what we feel with no filters. I want us to share everything, Jerry. You say you are not like Ethan, but that's not true. I see through your tough exterior, and I also know what you hold back as a defense mechanism. Let your heart love again. Take a leap of faith, and share your life with Evie and me. I want to make love to you Jerry. We need a weekend alone, just the two of us, in bed, together. Evie can stay with your brother, and we will check into a hotel room, close the door, and have a quiet weekend."

The look on Jerry's face changes in the blink of an eye. I now see some of his dominant personality in the way he looks at me. God, my temperature just spiked, and I squirm in my seat. Jerry rises from his chair, pulling me with him. Jerry's strong arms wrap around me like a cocoon, his hard body pressed tightly against mine, and all I can do is submit.

"I should warn you," Jerry says as he licks and nibbles the side of my neck. "I won't be gentle. I've waited too long to make love to you."

"Judging by the size of the erection pressing into me, I may be a little wild myself. It's been a long time for me too."

I lower my hand and rub it against his cock. God, just thinking about making love to him is enough to make me orgasm. I run my hand up and down the length of his cock and then unzip him.

"What are you doing, Joan?" he asks in a strangled moan.

"I want to touch you. Let me touch you."

Jerry removes my hand from his cock and zips up. I suddenly feel rebuked, and I don't like how it makes me feel. Jerry sees the expression on my face and pulls me into him.

"I don't want our first time to be in my kitchen. I want the first time we make love to be intimate, and fucking in my kitchen is not intimate."

"Well, when you put it that way, I guess I can wait until next weekend."

Jerry kisses me again and whispers, "I promise you won't regret waiting."

Jerry

Joan drags me from one store to another looking for the perfect dress. Shopping for clothes for my dad's birthday party is fucking torture, but Evie is in seventh heaven. She hasn't let go of my hand since we arrived at the mall. And now I am standing near the dressing room holding Joan's purchases and Evie's tote bag. Old ladies walk pass me, look me over once or twice and smile. I smile back and say, "waiting for my girls."

It amazes me how quickly those words pass my lips. My girls...my...girls! My mind wanders for a bit as I think about the future. I picture Joan pregnant with my child. I see Evie growing and maturing into a beautiful young woman. I have denied myself these dreams for so long, and now that I have what I've wanted all of my adult life, I feel like I'm twenty-five again, and I have my entire life ahead of me. I snap out of my daydream, and when I look down, Evie is standing in front of me.

"Doctor Jerry, do you like my dress?"

I glance down and smile. "You look like a fairy princess, Evie. Pink is your color."

"I like it too. Mommy said the pink dress makes my hair shine. Does my hair shine?"

"You shine so much my eyes hurt."

"Don't be silly, Doctor Jerry."

"I mean it. You look beautiful."

"Wait until you see Mommy's dress. Mommy, show Doctor Jerry your dress."

When Joan exits the fitting room, my heart stops beating at the vision of beauty standing before me. Joan radiates in a pale lavender dress that hugs her body. "Wow, you look beautiful, Joan. That dress hugs your body in all the right places."

"I know. I love it, and I have shoes and a pashmina that will match perfectly."

I don't know what the fuck a pashmina is, but if it looks half as sexy as that dress, I'm on board.

"Doctor Jerry, does Mommy shine too?"

"Yes, she does Evie. Your mother shines like the brightest star in the sky. Go change your dress, and then we'll have lunch."

I watch Evie run into the dressing room, and then I reach for Joan. "My heart stopped beating when I saw you, honey. You are so beautiful, and I will kill anyone who looks at you."

Joan's eyes fill with tears. "It's been a long time since anyone told me that I'm beautiful."

"You are beautiful honey, and I am so lucky to have you in my life."

"I'm grateful to have you too, Jerry. Let me take off this dress and then we can have lunch."

*****

While we are eating lunch, Ethan calls me. "Hey, what's up? Are you ready for the party?"

"As ready as I'll ever be. I need a favor brother."

"What do you need?"

"Dad, Joey, and I are driving down to Cape May tomorrow to finalize a few things, pick up the tents, and meet with the caterer. Mom and Diane are having a girls day out, and I need you to occupy Kellie for a few hours. Take her to the zoo."

"I can do that. Not a problem."

"Thanks, Jerry, and are you still driving Diane, Mom, and Kellie on Friday morning?"

"Yes, Ethan. Don't worry about it. I already have my orders from Mom to be at your house by ten. Relax brother. Didn't we just do this for you and Diane?"

"Sorry. Diane was sick this morning, and I'm a little tense."

"Haven't you done this twice before now? Morning sickness is nothing new to you, Ethan."

"It's different this time. Diane is forty-four years old. Something could happen to her."

"Will you please relax! Have you looked at your wife lately? She's positively glowing with happiness."

"Yeah, yeah, I hear you. I need to calm the fuck down. Okay, I'll see you Friday afternoon. Say hello to Joan and Evie for me. And I also need to tell you that Kellie is bouncing around the house with excitement. She can't wait for her sleepover."

"I still have to talk to her about the sleepover with Kellie."

"No problem. If Joan changes her mind, let me know."

"Will do. Talk to you later."

*****

Evie is twisting and turning in her seat the minute she hears Kellie's name. "Am I seeing Kellie again Doctor Jerry? I like her a lot."

"She likes you too, princess. How would you like to sleep over at her house this weekend? You can play with Fluffy and watch cartoons."

"Will I like her mom and dad?"

"You will love her mother and father. They also have a house near the beach, not far from my mom and dad's house."

"Will they take me to the beach if I ask them?"

"Knowing Kellie, she will be the first one on the beach. How do you feel about sleeping somewhere new, Evie? Does it make you afraid?"

"No, I am not afraid."

I raise an eyebrow and ask Evie, "Why aren't you scared?"

"Because if your brother is like you, then I will like him because I like you a lot, Doctor Jerry. You don't scare me."

I make a growling sound, and Evie laughs. "You might be afraid of me in the morning with my bed hair and beard. I look like a grizzly bear."

"You're silly, Doctor Jerry. You don't scare me."

I move closer to Evie and put my arm around her. "I am glad you like me Evie, and I want you to know that you can always talk to me when you are scared." I suddenly have a brilliant idea. "We need to make one more stop before we go home. Are the two of you up for a little more shopping? I want to buy Evie a present."

Joan gives me the stink eye, and Evie is up and out of her seat. "Come on Doctor Jerry. I want to see my present."

Thirty minutes later, Evie has her first cell phone. I know she is a little young to have a cell phone, and I am sure Joan will bust my balls about it, but I think it is a good idea. If it will give Evie the confidence to not feel afraid, then it's worth it. We walk over to a seating area in the mall, and I take the phone out of the box. This particular phone has a GPS tracker and a lanyard that allows Evie to wear the phone around her neck. There are four buttons for speed dial numbers, as well as an SOS feature that activates by pushing a button. It takes me about five minutes to program our numbers, and install the GPS tracking app on Joan's phone and also mine, and activate it on Evie's phone. Now it's time to show her how to use the phone. It's relatively straightforward, and Evie catches on quickly.

"I want you to remember that you are to always keep the phone with you. Mommy is number one, Granny is number two, and I am third. Let's practice. I want you to call your mom. Which button do you press?"

Evie is a quick learner, and after practicing calling Joan and me, I feel comfortable that she understands how to use the phone.

"Okay, now we have to practice calling someone if there is an emergency. Do you see this red button? That button is for the police."

"Why would I call the police?"

"I'll give you an example. Let's say that your mom is coming down the steps, and she misses one and hurts her leg. She is crying and can't get up from the floor. What would you do?"

"I would press the red button and ask them to help my mommy."

"That's perfect honey. The red button is for when you need help."

"Can I press the red button if my daddy comes to our house?"

I look at Joan, and her eyes tear up. "If your dad comes to your house, you press the red button, okay? Can you remember what to do Evie?"

"Yes, Doctor Jerry. If I see my dad, I press the red button, and then I call mommy and you. You will protect me, won't you?"

God, my heart is breaking. I lift her onto my lap and wrap my arms around her. "I will always protect you, sweetheart. You're my girl now, and you and mommy are the two most important people in my life."

Evie moves closer to me, and then I hear her sweet voice say, "I love you, Doctor Jerry."

"I love you too, sweetheart," I say as I look at Joan. She understands the meaning of my words.
Chapter 11

Jerry

My niece is trying to kill me. That's the only explanation I have after spending the entire day with her, as she drags me around the zoo three times. We went up in the zoo balloon two times in the last hour, and my feet are about to fall off my legs. "Kellie, I need to sit down for a few minutes. My feet are killing me."

"Oh, come on, Uncle Jerry. I'm not tired. Can I see the flamingo's again before we leave."

"Can you give me ten minutes? I just need ten minutes."

"Okay, but no more than ten minutes."

"Thank you, Jesus!"

I use my ten minutes wisely and call Joan. Judging by the sound of her voice, she is not having a good day. "What's wrong?"

"Mitchell broke his leg last night, and we are already short staffed. I'm afraid I won't be able to take off tomorrow. Evie and I will have to drive down to Cape May Friday night. I should be out of here by five."

"It's okay Joan. Call me before you leave, and make sure you update the security detail. I'll order dinner for us, and I'll see you when you get to the hotel. Get ready for twenty questions from my parents. My mother is still busting my balls because my dad told her that I kissed Ethan to shut him up. It irritates them that I'm not forthcoming with the gossip. Our relationship is ours, not theirs."

"I am ready for anything they throw at me. I like your parents."

"They love you and Evie. Just like I do."

"Why does hearing that you love me do funny things to me?"

My body immediately reacts, and I cross my legs. Now is not the time for an erection. "Define funny."

"I'm all mushy and hot. Can the doctor cool me off?"

Fuck, I'm throbbing from the seductive tone of her voice. "You're killing me."

"Is the doctor flustered?"

"Yes, you could say that I'm flustered." I look over to see if Kellie is paying attention to my conversation. I lower my voice to a whisper. "Thank Jesus Kellie is playing with her phone and is oblivious to the party in my pants."

"Can I join the party?"

"Why are you doing this to me now, when I can't do anything about it?"

"Um, because I can? I like hearing you a little flustered. It's cute."

Okay, I am forty-six years old, and I've never been called cute. What does that even mean? Cute as in sexy? Cute as in a fucking asshole for having this conversation in a public place? I have no idea.

"I'm hanging up now, Joan. One more word from you and I'll go off. Do you understand me?"

"Oh boy, am I in trouble for winding you up?"

"No, you are not in trouble, and it doesn't take much for you to wind me up. We will finish this discussion Saturday night."

"Yes, doctor."

I close my eyes and will the party in my pants to back the fuck off.

*****

Diane's house is in chaos when I walk in the front door. Kellie is running around the house trying to pick up Fluffy. My mother is frantically checking the luggage to make sure she has everything. I look over at Diane sitting on the sofa, and she looks peaceful. Diane and Ethan have worked so incredibly hard this year to put the pieces of their lives back together. When I take a closer look at Diane, she is glowing with happiness.

I sit next to Diane and hold her hand. "Is Mom acting as crazy as Dad? I know he is about to pull his hair out."

"She wants to make sure everything is just right for the party."

"Diane, before we leave, I want to say something to you."

"What is it, Jerry? Is something wrong?"

"No, nothing is wrong. I only want to say that I am so proud of you. It wasn't easy picking up the pieces of your life, but you did it, and look at you now. Pregnant and glowing with happiness. I love you, Diane." She moves closer to me, and I wrap my arm around her.

"Jerry, I never properly thanked you for saving my life. Don't think that I don't know what you put on the line to save my life because I do. Without your skilled hands, I might not be sitting here today. I owe you everything, and for as long as I live, you will hold a special place in my heart. I thank God every day that He has given me a second chance to live this beautiful life with my family. I owe it all to you, Jerry. This little one that I am carrying is a symbol of that second chance."

Tears well in my eyes, and I do nothing to hide them. "There is nothing that I wouldn't do for you, Diane. You are my sister. From the first time that I met you, I knew Ethan had found his soulmate. The past year has been stressful for everyone, but now that you and Ethan are happily married again, and expecting your third child, it will be smooth sailing from now on."

"That's what I want Jerry. I love Ethan so much, and I can't wait to have this baby."

My mother walks into the room and sees me holding Diane. I wink at her, letting her know that everything is okay. Nothing could be further from the truth. I am not okay, not by a longshot. My life is about to change in the next twenty-four hours. I have second guessed my decision all week, but at the end of the day, it makes perfect sense to me. Thoughts of Mary fill my mind. I've thought a lot about her the past few weeks. I am tired of thinking about the past. I need to look towards the future.

*****

"Uncle Jerry, are we there yet?"

"No Kellie. We haven't reached the first toll booth. It will be at least an hour and a half before we get to Gramps house."

"Oh, okay."

Ten minutes later. "Are we there yet?"

"No, Kellie. We're not there yet."

Ten minutes later.

"Are we there yet?"

I look over at Diane, and she is rolling her eyes, and trying not to laugh. She turns around in her seat to face Kellie.

"Sweetheart, stop asking if we are there yet. Uncle Jerry already told you how long it would take us to get to Gramps house."

"But I am excited. I can't help it, Mommy."

"I know honey. I'm excited too, but we can't bother your uncle when he is driving. Put a DVD in the player and watch something."

For the next hour, the car is blissfully quiet. My mind wanders at what awaits me this weekend. I'll admit that I'm nervous about spending the weekend alone with Joan. I've held back for so long that I worry about acting like a cave man. I need to be gentle and loving. I desperately want one night in bed with Joan. Just thinking about holding her in my arms has my heart beating faster.

The familiar scent of the ocean calms me like nothing else ever has. Ethan and I are beach babies, and I have years of happy memories of our summers in Cape May. My parents always scheduled the month of August for our family vacation. They worked long hours during the year to make that vacation possible, and Ethan and I had the best times of our lives at the beach house.

The closer we get to my parent's house, the more relaxed I feel. I pull up outside my parent's house a little after twelve. Kellie is the first one out of the SUV. Diane and my mom laugh as she runs around to the back of the house. I already smell food on the grill. "Isn't Dad cooking a little early?" I ask my mom.

"You know your father. He only knows how to cook two things on his big, fancy grill, and if I try to help him, your father gets pissed off. The grill is his domain, and honestly, I am fed up with hot dogs and hamburgers."

"Do you want me to pick up a few steaks after I check in? Joan and Evie will be here in a few hours. She could not take the day off, so she is leaving around four-thirty."

"Are you staying the night at the hotel?"

"No. I don't think so. Evie will be in the other bedroom, and I don't feel comfortable sleeping with Joan when Evie is within roaming distance. I'll be back sometime tonight."

"Well, I can understand your hesitance. I'll inflate the queen size air mattress and leave it in the living room. After you check in, come back and get something to eat. I imagine your father bought a ton of food."

"You imagine?" I say as I shake my head.

"Yeah. I'm sure your father bought at least twenty pounds of meat. That averages to about three pounds per person."

"Why does he buy so much food?"

"I have no idea, Jerry. Your father has been like this our entire marriage. I gave up a long time ago and go with the flow."

"Well, I'm out of here. I'll be back later for my share of the cow!"

*****

The sound of Kellie screaming and laughing is the first thing I hear as I walk to the back of the house. Mom and Dad are sitting at one of the tables, Joey is laying in the hammock, and Ethan is watching Diane dance around the yard with Kellie. The sexual tension emanating from him is intense. He looks like a tiger about to pounce on his prey. The familiar twinge of jealousy rears its ugly head, and I avert my eyes in an attempt to tamp down the feeling. When I look up again, Ethan is walking around to the other side of the house with Diane in his arms. I walk over to the table and sit next to my dad.

"Where are they going?"

My dad leans in and whispers, "Ethan has been lusting after Diane for the past hour. I think they are canoodling by the pool."

"Really Dad, this is the twenty-first century. Who says canoodling."

My dad winks at me. "I have to keep it clean for the kids. Kellie has ears like an elephant. That kid hears everything."

I laugh at his assessment. "Yes, Kellie misses nothing. She wore my ass out yesterday at the zoo."

Joey sits next to me and grabs a burger. "Are you excited about having another brother or sister?" I ask him.

"Yeah. I am excited, and so is Evie. Mom and Dad told us last weekend." He asks my dad, "Are you excited about tomorrow?"

"Yes I am Joey," he said and looks at my mom. "Where did the time go? I can't believe I will be seventy-five years old. We've had a good life, haven't we Catherine?"

"Yes we have Steve, and tomorrow will be a special day for you."

"It's a special day for all of us," Joey says.

Yes, it is. I think to myself. My phone chimes with a message from Joan.

Mom brought Evie to the hospital to save me time driving home to pick her up. We are in the car now, and I'll be on the road in a few minutes. Can't wait to see you.

Can't wait to see you too, honey. Drive safe, and I'll see you soon. I have checked into the hotel. Room 412. What do you want for dinner?

Something light. Soup and salad for me, and soup and a roll for Evie. It will be a little late by the time we get there, and I don't want to eat something heavy.

Okay. I'll take care of it. Love you, honey.

Love you too. See you soon.

The remainder of the day passes quickly. I miss this time with my family, and it makes me happy to share this day with them. I say goodnight to everyone around seven and drive back to the hotel. I was lucky to get a suite with two bedrooms. Joan arrives around seven thirty, and as soon as Evie sees me, she runs into my arms.

"I missed you, Doctor Jerry."

"I missed you too sweetheart. Are you hungry? I have a bowl of soup for you and mommy."

I make a big production of uncovering the food and setting it up for the two of them. Evie can barely keep her eyes open, and when she finished eating, I carry her to the smaller bedroom. Joan helps her undress and tucks her into the bed.

"Are you going to stay with us, Doctor Jerry?"

"Yes, honey. Your mom and I will be in the other bedroom."

"If I have a scary dream, can I come into your room? Mommy lets me sleep with her when I have a bad dream."

I look up at Joan, and she nods her head. "Would you like to come into our room and watch a little television before you fall asleep?"

"Can I?"

"Why don't we all get into bed, and I'll find something for us to watch on TV."

I pick Evie up and carry her to our bedroom. Evie is laughing and kicking her feet, and I couldn't be happier. One hour later, she lays between us, and she is out like a light. When I carry Evie into her bedroom, I lay her down in bed, and her beautiful blue eyes open and look right through me.

"I had fun, Doctor Jerry."

"I had fun too, sweetheart. Close your eyes and go to sleep." I bend down and place a light kiss on her forehead. Evie's eyes open again, and when I tuck sharkie under her arm, she looks up at me and smiles again. Is this what it feels like to be a father?

When I turn around to leave the room, Joan is standing in the doorway. I closed the bedroom door and wrap my arms around her soft body. "I want so much to be Evie's father. I never knew what unconditional love was until I met you, Joan. I never knew what it felt like to give my heart and soul to another person. You twist me up inside, and I'm helpless to the power you and Evie have over me."

"You didn't feel this way with Mary?"

"No. It was a different kind of love. I see that now. We were young and just starting our careers. What I feel now is so much deeper. It seems like you took your hand, plunged it into my heart, and soothed everything that had me in knots for so many years. I have a sense of calm now that I've never had in my entire life. I see you through different eyes. I like to think it's because I am older and wiser, but that's not true. It's you, Joan. You have given me something that I have searched for but never found. You have given me peace, Joan. I no longer feel the need to keep moving at sixty miles an hour. The little things like watching television with Evie tonight makes me happy. Seeing her sweet face look up at me with trust in her eyes means the world to me. You mean the world to me. I love you, honey. I love you."

"You make my heart flutter, Jerry. I don't know what I did to deserve you. All I know is that I can't live without you. I feel safe when I am with you. My baby loves you. I see it in her eyes. It upsets me that Evie never looked at her father the way she looks at you, and that's sad to admit, but it's the truth. I am very grateful that Evie has you in her life, and will have the opportunity to grow up in a loving home. That's all I want for all of us. A loving home where we can enjoy the little things in life. Let's go to bed, Jerry."

Once we are in bed, and I have turned out the light, I feel Joan's hand reach out to me in the darkness, and I link my fingers with hers. I never thought about how I felt when I held a woman's hand. The action is reflexive, but it feels different with Joan because I need to touch her. I need to feel Joan's soft hand in mine. I need the skin-to-skin contact. I close my eyes and attempt to absorb the significance of how my life has changed since Joan walked back into my life. That Joan trusts me so completely with Evie staggers me. Honestly, I never expected this when I got up this morning, and once again, I am overwhelmed with emotions that threaten to unman me. I want to cry like a fucking baby. Just as I am about to relax, I feel Joan roll over and wrap her arm around my body. I lift my arm and cradle her against me.

I hear her whisper in my ear, "Not the way I expected this day to end."

"As long as I have you in my arms, I am a happy man." I close my eyes and think about what I am about to do tomorrow night. My entire life hangs in the balance of one decision that could go incredibly right, or horribly wrong. I've questioned myself at least one hundred times and always come up with the same answer. I want Joan to be my wife.

"I need to go back to my parent's house." My body screams at me to stay with Joan, but my head says get the hell out of here.

"I wish you would stay."

"I want to stay, but Evie is in the next room, and I don't feel right being in bed with you."

"This is another reason why I love you so much, Jerry."

"Why? Because I don't want to get caught in a compromising position with Evie in the next room?"

"No. It's because you put Evie's needs ahead of your own." Joan squeezes my cock to make her point. I place my hand on top of hers and press hard. My cargo shorts hide nothing, and as I grind against her hand, I have the same impending explosion that I had in my car. "Not here baby. Let's go to the bathroom."

We run into the bathroom, close and lock the door. I practically rip the clothing off my body and kick my clothes across the floor. Joan lowers her hand and continues stroking me. My mouth takes hers in a hard, hot kiss, and my tongue mimics the movement of her hand. Never in my life have I wanted someone so desperately. Joan's other hand squeezes my balls, and I have to lean back against the vanity because my legs are about to collapse under me.

"Oh, baby. That's it, honey. Yes, squeeze me." I lower my hand and show Joan how I like it. "Oh, I'm coming baby." I close my eyes and let go of the tension. It feels like an explosion ripped through my body when I finally come. Nothing in my life compares to this moment. My entire body shakes with the pleasure that rips through me. My cock is beyond sensitive, and I reach down to remove Joan's hand from my body. My cum coats her hand, and it's the sexiest fucking thing I've ever seen in my life. I pull her body into mine and kiss the air out of her lungs. My other hand slides between us and into her panties.

"Don't move," I whisper against her neck. "Let me take care of you. Lift your leg and wrap it around me." I slide two fingers into her moist, warm body. Joan's intake of breath tells me I hit her sweet spot. Her hips grind against mine, and her nails dig into my shoulder. Joan's sweet pussy pulses around my fingers, and when I flick my thumb against her clit, Joan bites my shoulder then buries her face in my neck to hold back the scream threatening to erupt from her.

"Harder Jerry. Please. I need to come." I press harder into her body and feel her detonate in my arms.

Panting and gasping for air, all Joan can say is, "Wow."

I laugh as I lift her into my arms. Joan's legs go around me. I want so much to make love to her, but I know I need to leave.

"Please stay." She whispers to me.

"I can't, baby. If I stay, Evie will hear us, because I won't be gentle. I will always put Evie and your needs ahead of my own, and that's why I'm leaving now."

I bend down to pick up my briefs and shorts. My cock is still sensitive, so I get dressed carefully. The slightest brush of material against my cock will set me off again, and I can't walk through the lobby with an erection. Joan follows me to the door. I pull her into me and rest my head on her shoulder, while I reach down to adjust myself. "I don't want to leave you."

"I know, but we will see each other in a few hours."

"Love you, baby."

"Love you too."

I take one last look at her beautiful face, and I shut the door behind me. It's after midnight, and I'm exhausted. When I exit the elevator and walk through the lobby, the night clerk says hello to me and asks, "Where are you going at this time of night?"

"I am going back to my parent's house."

"Do you have a problem with the room?"

"No, it's not the room. My girlfriend's daughter is in the other bedroom. I don't feel right staying the night."

"Wow. Haven't heard that one before."

"Yeah, I'm a frigging night in shining armor."

The clerk is still laughing as I leave the hotel. When I get into my car, I call Joan.

"Hi, baby. What are you doing?"

"I'm in bed hugging a pillow. I wish it were you."

"I do too, but we will have our time together tomorrow night. All I think about is making love to you."

"It's all I have thought about, too."

"Go to sleep, honey. I'll see you tomorrow morning. I love you, Joan."

"I love you too. See you in the morning."
Chapter 12

Jerry

I have the oddest feeling that someone is watching me, and when I open my eyes, Evie's cute face hovers over me. I am surprised that I slept so comfortably on this mattress. It's not as bad as I thought it would be, and when I roll over, my back is not screaming at me.

"Wake up Doctor Jerry. We have to get ready for the party."

I look over to see Joan sitting at the dining room table. "What time is it?"

"It's ten thirty. We let you sleep in."

"Wow. I can't remember the last time I slept this late."

Evie pulls on my hand. "Come on Doctor Jerry. Get up."

I pull at her arm, and she falls into bed with me. "I don't want to get up."

I tickle her, and the room fills with laughter.

"If you don't get up, Mommy will leave without you."

"Okay, okay. I'm getting up now."

After a quick breakfast, I take a shower and dress for the party.

*****

When I walk into the living room, my father is sitting on the sofa, and he looks like he's about to pass out. "What's wrong?" I ask him.

"Don't know why I am so goddamn nervous. It's just a birthday party."

"This is a special day for the two of you."

"Life passes too quickly Jerry. I can't believe I'm seventy-five years old."

"You look good for seventy-five, Dad."

"Damn right I do. Playing golf every day keeps me active. Your mother hates it, but at night, she's all over me. I still got it, son."

"Please, Dad. Too much information."

"Hey, I've got snow on the mountain, but the fire is still burning strong."

"Jesus, Dad. Will you shut the hell up! I can't un-hear any of this."

My dad laughs at me. "Oh come on. You're a grown man. Get with the program."

"I am with the program, Dad. I just don't want to hear about my parent's sex life."

I hear my mom come into the room, and when I look over to the doorway, my breath catches in my throat. My mother has always looked beautiful, but today, she radiates with happiness. Dad gets up, walks over to where she is standing, and wraps his arms around her. As I sit and watch my parents share a tender moment, I reach out for Joan's hand. We share a moment of complete understanding. Mom sees us holding hands and smiles at me.

*****

"Are you ready, Mom?"

"As ready as I'll ever be. Is everyone in the tent?"

"Yes. All we need now is the birthday boy. You look beautiful, and I have to say that Dad cleans up pretty well."

"He was a bundle of nerves last night. He tossed and turned so much I almost flew out of bed."

"Seventy-five is a big deal, Mom."

"Yes it is, and I am still madly in love with your father."

"I'm so tired of being alone, Mom. Everywhere I look, I see loving relationships. It's hard not to feel envious, but sometimes I do. I'll admit it's childish to feel this way, but when I look at Ethan and see how much he loves Diane, and then I see how much Dad loves you, well, it hurts a little. I've let what happened with Mary overshadow my life for far too long."

"It's not too late for you honey. I see the way you look at Joan. I know you love her, and Evie adores you. Reach for the brass ring, Jerry. Life is too short to live it in limbo. I haven't seen you this relaxed in a very long time. Live your life son, because you only get one chance at true happiness, and I think you've found it with Joan and Evie. Mary made her choice a long time ago, and sadly, you've lived with that decision far too long."

"I know. It hurt so much when Mary left me. It hurt more knowing she was sick and felt she could not share that with me. She died alone, Mom, and for the longest time, I tortured myself with what if's. It drove me crazy, and when I found a way to push the memories to the back of my mind, I took it. I'm not proud of how I coped, but at the time, I had no other choice. Unfortunately, I set myself up for years of solitude. Since I've met Joan, every day is a good day, and the best part of the day is the time I get to be with them."

My mom holds my hand. "Don't let anyone take that away from you. Your father told me about Roger. Do what needs to be done to protect Joan and Evie, and everything will fall into place. I love you, honey."

"I love you too, Mom. Come on, let's get the party started."

*****

My father is a sneaky son-of-a-bitch. He turned his birthday party into a second wedding for my mother. When we enter the tent and see Father O'Malley standing behind a pulpit, I knew immediately what my father had planned. Watching my parents renew their vows touches me deeply. Ethan and I stand as their witnesses, and I almost burst out laughing when my dad's hands shake as he placed a new wedding ring on Mom's finger. After the "I do's," my parents share a tender embrace and a rather steamy kiss. Ethan and I roll our eyes as the kiss goes on forever.

"Okay, enough already," I say as I tap my father's shoulder. "Save it for the honeymoon."

Once everyone has a glass of champagne, I have the pleasure of making the first toast. The tent is full of my parent's closest friends, my aunt and uncle, and Joan's security.

I clink my glass to get everyone's attention. "First I would like to thank all of you for sharing this special day with my parents. No one knew my dad had this surprise up his sleeve. Nice job, Dad. You surprised Mom, and that is not easy to do. As the eldest child, I would like to make the first toast of the evening. Growing up in our house was an adventure. Both of you worked long hours and trusted Ethan and me to hold down the fort, which at times, was not easy. I remember many burnt meals, late homework, and long hours, but no matter what was happening at the time, Ethan and I knew that we were the most important people in your lives. You never forgot a school project, a school play, or little league, boy scouts. I could go on and on. The point is that through it all, we grew up in a loving home, with parents who love us unconditionally, even when we did something wrong."

"We carried the values that you instilled in us at an early age into adulthood. Life threw you curve balls, but you dodged them and came out stronger on the other end. Fifty years is a long time to share your life with someone, and I wish you many more years of happiness. I love and admire the both of you so very much." I raise my glass. "To the happy couple, and, happy birthday Dad."

*****

The party breaks up at around one in the morning. The kids are still sleeping on the floor, but it's time to leave. I walk over to where Evie is sleeping and pick her up. Her eyes flutter open, and she wraps her arms around my neck.

"Where are we going, Doctor Jerry?" I feel my mother's eyes on the back of my head, and I remember our conversation. "It's time to go to bed squirt. You have a big day tomorrow with Kellie and her mom and dad."

"I like Kellie's mom and dad. Will you come to see me tomorrow? I'll miss you, Doctor Jerry."

"I'll miss you too sweetheart. Mommy and I will see you tomorrow afternoon."

I carry Evie to the car, and Ethan and Diane follow me with Kellie. Holding Evie in my arms feels right. I know I keep saying this, but it's true. I feel liberated and willing to express my feelings for a little girl who has become the center of my lonely life. Diane and Joan help the girls undress and get into bed, while Ethan and I wait in the living room. Ethan sits next to me and pats me on the back.

"Joan is a lovely woman, and Evie already has you wrapped around her little finger. You are fortunate to have found them. I hope you know that, Jerry."

I whisper to him. "I do know that, and if I have my way, Joan will be my wife very soon."

Ethan smiles at me. "You've waited a long time for this brother. It will do my heart good to see you happy at last."

"I never thought this would happen to me, but now that it has, I want the brass ring, Ethan. I've never wanted anything more in my life." My hand goes into my suit pocket and wraps around my future.

Joan walks into the living room and takes my hand in hers. "Evie refuses to go to sleep until you kiss her goodnight. You are spoiling my little princess."

I follow Joan into the bedroom and sit on the edge of the bed. Kellie is fading fast, but Evie is wide awake. She wants her kiss goodnight. "You should be sleeping squirt. Why are you still awake?"

"I don't want to go to sleep without my goodnight kiss."

I pull back the blanket and Evie crawls into my lap. I know everyone is in the doorway watching me. Why do I feel like a bug under a microscope? "Did you have fun today, sweetheart?"

"I did. I had a lot of fun. Kellie is my new friend."

"It's nice having new friends. Remember what I told you yesterday. Mommy and I will be here tomorrow afternoon. Be good for Ethan and Diane."

"I'll be good, Doctor Jerry."

"Are you scared honey? Do you feel okay?"

"I'm not scared."

"I'm proud of you sweetheart." I lift her off my lap, gently placing her on the bed, and tuck the blanket around her. I give her a gentle kiss on her forehead, and as I turn to leave the room, I hear her say, "I love you, Doctor Jerry."

My eyes fill with tears as I walk back to the bed. I sit down again and hold Evie's hand. Knowing what I am about to do tomorrow makes the words flow from me freely and honestly. "I love you too sweetheart." I bend down and give her another kiss. "Go to sleep. You have a big day tomorrow."

"Okay."

I don't want to leave her, and when I feel Joan's hand touch my shoulder, I get up and walk out of the room. All eyes are on me as I walk back to the living room. Diane hugs me and whispers in my ear, "You have a family now Jerry. Take good care of them. We love Joan and Evie."

My heart is in my throat, and I have no words. I blink back the tears and make a quick exit before I cry like a fucking baby. On the way out of the house, I hear Ethan yell out, "Bye Doctor Jerry, I love you!"

Joan

I am on an emotional rollercoaster as we drive back to the hotel. I've waited so long for this day, and now that it's here, I'm nervous. My mind flashes back to last night, and I cross my legs in anticipation. It's hard not to compare my sexual experience, as limited as it is, but I can say that the look on Jerry's face when he came in my hand tore through me. His eyes never left mine, and I saw everything he has tried so hard to tell me. I saw his love for me. I saw the pleasure that I gave him. I saw his heart, and it belongs to me. I never expected what happened last night, and after Jerry went back to his parent's house, I could not sleep.

Subconsciously, I think I used the no sex rule to test Jerry's feelings for me, without the baggage sex brings to the relationship. Now I have my answer. It amazes me how a few months with Jerry has forever changed my life. I no longer fear the future, because I know Jerry will always be there for me. I love him so much, and just realizing that I can say that freely, without reservation, or doubt, fills me with joy.

Jerry is quiet as we drive to the hotel. "Why are you so quiet? Are you okay?" He doesn't answer me, and when I look at him, Jerry has tears running down his face. "Pull over and park, now."

Jerry finds the first available space and parks the car. I turn in my seat to face him. "What's wrong? And don't tell me you are okay. I can see that you are not okay." Jerry wipes the tears from his face, but they continue to fall down his beautiful, chiseled face.

"Diane said to me, 'You have a family now. Take good care of them,' and I realized that I do have a family. You and Evie are my family, and I love you so very much. When you touched me and caressed me last night, it felt different than anything I have ever experienced in my life. My heart felt like it would explode out of my chest."

"How did it feel different?"

"It feels different because my heart feels different. Sharing something so intimate with the woman you love is what makes it different. You stir feelings in me that I thought I'd lost years ago. I didn't want to do this in the car, but I can't wait another minute."

I watch in stunned silence as Jerry takes a ring box out of his pocket and opens it. I inhale a deep breath as I stare down at my future.

"Joan Randall, from the minute you walked into my life, my heart knew that you belonged to me. My life has been forever changed just by your presence in my life. I love you and Evie with all that I am. I know this is too soon, and I know I probably just freaked you out, but I don't care. I want to spend the rest of my life with you. I want to raise Evie as my daughter. I want children with you, Joan. I want the picket fence, a dog in the yard, and a house filled with love and laughter. I want to grow old with you. I want my happily ever after, and I want it with you and Evie. Will you please marry me? We can have a long engagement. Whatever you want is okay with me. I just want to know that you are mine forever. God, I'm rambling. Please, please will you marry me?"

I've never seen Jerry so emotionally vulnerable. I want to see the vulnerable side of him. Jerry can be so self-contained, so in control of his emotions. It's sweet and funny to see him so nervous. "I will marry you on one condition. I want to see this side of you. I want to see you carefree and well, a little unglued. I want to see you smile more. I want to share my life with you, Jerry. I never imagined eight months ago that I would be so in love with you, that all thoughts of a future without you seemed unimaginable. I will admit that your timing sucks, but I would be a fool if I didn't say yes, I will gladly marry you."

Jerry takes the ring out of the box and slides it onto my finger. It's a perfect fit. We are a perfect fit, our little family. My ring is exquisite. The center stone is an emerald cut diamond. Very simple in design, but very elegant. Small stones run down the shank. I look into his eyes and see a lifetime with the man I love. Ten minutes later, we are at the hotel.

When the elevator doors close, we are in each other's arms. Intense desire flows out of me. Our mouths fuse in a kiss, so erotic my legs tremble. All too soon, the doors open, and we both run to our room. Jerry fumbles with the electronic key. His hands shake so badly he can't get the damn card into the key slot. I take it from him, and he laughs at me.

Once we are inside the room, and the door closes, Jerry picks me up and carries me into the bedroom. Eight months of pent-up desire explode as our bodies cling to each other. Clothes fly in every direction as we scramble to get naked. Jerry reaches down to his pants on the floor and grabs a strip of condoms. All I can do is laugh. "How convenient!" I say as he trails kisses along my collarbone.

"I was raised to be prepared." God, I love his dry sense of humor. I love everything about him.

"Well then, I have a surprise for you. I've been on the pill ever since Evie had been born. I couldn't risk getting pregnant again."

Jerry sits back on his knees, and I swear, the look on his face is a combination of shock and relief. "I...Did I hear you correctly? No condoms?"

I nod my head yes. "No condoms."

Immediately, doctor mode kicks in. "I've never had sex without a condom. I have a yearly physical, and I've never taken unnecessary risks. God, I can't imagine how it will feel making love to you with nothing between us."

"I've only been with Roger, and once Evie had been born, he insisted that we use condoms, in addition to birth control. I want to ask you a question, and I want an honest answer."

"I've always been honest with you Joan."

"I know, but this is important. We are not getting any younger, and now that we are engaged, how would you feel if I stopped taking my pills?"

Jerry

I must be dreaming because I did not hear Joan tell me she wants to have my baby. The thought of making a new life with this beautiful woman brings me to my emotional knees. I get up out of bed and walk over to the table where her purse sits. I open her bag, take out her birth control pills, sit down on the bed, and toss them into the trashcan by the table. "Does this answer your question?"

Laughing, she says, "I guess it does," as she pushes me down onto the mattress. When I reach up to touch her breasts, she playfully pushes my hands out of the way.

"Oh, no. I want to make love to you, nice and slow."

Not being able to touch Joan like I have dreamed about for so long just might kill me. I am not in the mood for nice and slow. I want it hard and fast, but I realize that Joan needs this from me, so I lay back and let her take control. I close my eyes and enjoy the feeling of her soft hands as they slide up my legs. My cock wants in on the fun and rises to attention, and that is when I feel Joan slide over me, and straddle me. I open my eyes and nearly have a heart attack.

The sight of Joan's beautiful body over mine takes my breath away. Her long blond hair is down around her shoulders, and her eyes, when they meet mine, burn with love. I am helpless to the power that she has over me. I close my eyes again and submit to her completely. I feel her soft lips and tongue flick over my nipples, then make their way up to my neck. I turn my head to give her better access and almost come when I feel Joan's teeth gently bite the side of my neck. I am panting and counting backward to keep myself from coming. I can't take it much longer and grunt out, "Baby, if you don't make love to me soon, I will lose my mind."

Joan's soft laugh and a puff of breath against my neck is my undoing. I feel my balls tighten in anticipation of my release and reach down between us to squeeze the tip of my cock like this is going to stop me from exploding. Joan whispers in my ear, "What are you doing?"

"I am trying not to come."

"Oh, poor baby. Let me take care of you."

Joan rises over me and takes me into her soft, silky body. I am having an out of body experience because I have never had sex without a condom, and the feeling of skin to skin is fucking hot as hell. She soothes me, she relaxes me, and at the same time, she drives me crazy with need. I need this. I need her. "Ride me," I say in a guttural voice. Joan braces her hands on my shoulders as our eyes meet again.

A long sigh escapes her lips followed by a sob. Joan leans in, and she begins to move. Rocking slowly, I wrap my arms around her soft body and let myself experience true love, in its purest form. Time has no meaning for me as our bodies take what we need from each other. Soft, gentle movements become a fast and powerful dance as sweat slicked our bodies. I feel powerless to thrust into her from this position. Joan rises to her knees and sinks onto my cock, taking me impossibly deeper into her body. My hands grip her legs, and then I let myself go. I feel Joan squeeze around me, pulsing with me, coming with me. "That's it, baby, squeeze my cock. Take me with you baby."

"Oh, Jerry, I'm coming. God, I'm coming."

I reach between us and flick my thumb over her clit. "Yes, Yes..."

Joan collapses on top of me, and my arms wrap around her. Words cannot adequately describe what we have just shared with each other. As we lay in the quiet darkness of our room, drenched in sweat, I can feel Joan's heart beating against my chest, and I pull her closer to me. I never want to forget this night, because, for me, it is the night that I truly lived again. I reluctantly get out of bed and walk to the bathroom. I return with a warm washcloth and kneel between Joan's legs. When I look down at her pink lips, they glisten with my cum.

"What are you doing?" she asks me.

"Spread your legs baby. Let me do this for you."

Joan does as I ask and I place the warm washcloth against her swollen lips. Joan closes her eyes and sighs with pleasure. I have heard a few of my friends talk about doing this for their wives, and I always wondered how I would feel if I ever had the opportunity to do something so intimate with a woman. Looking down at Joan and seeing the pleasure on her face is enough for me. I gently wipe the remnants of our lovemaking from her beautiful body and toss the washcloth on the floor. I crawl up her body and lay next to her, so we are face to face. Tonight is another first for me. I am turning into my brother because I never do pillow talk.

"That was incredible," Joan whispers to me.

"It was more than incredible. It was earth-shattering. We should have a name for it!"

"Be serious, Jerry," Joan says as she playfully slaps my arm.

"I am serious, Joan. I have never done that with another woman. I never knew what it felt like to be skin to skin with a woman. I feel like a virgin in many ways, honey. What we shared tonight goes beyond sex. We made love, Joan. We shared the most intimate part of ourselves with each other. I'll never forget this night."

"That was the perfect thing to say, Jerry. It will take a month or two for the contraceptive to leave my body. I hope I get pregnant soon. Can you imagine what it will feel like having another child to love?"

"I never thought I would be a father. For so long I watched my brother, my cousins, and friends have kids, and it tore me up inside. I lived my life on autopilot. The same thing, day after day, year after year. It all became so routine that I no longer cared about having children, and got on with my life. I see now that I wasn't living. I was existing, and I didn't care about anything but my job. Diane's accident hit me hard because I saw how it destroyed my brother. I want to be a father."

"Evie will be so excited when we tell her she will have a new daddy."

"Speaking of Evie, I also have a gift for her." I reluctantly get out of bed, turn on the light and take Evie's gift out of my overnight bag. I want this gift to be significant, and the jeweler did a fantastic job. Joan is surprised to see what is inside the box.

"Oh, Jerry, this necklace is beautiful. Three interlocking puffed hearts. Evie will go nuts when she sees this."

Overwhelmingly pleased that I hit the nail on the head, I exhale the breath I've been holding. "I wanted this to be a special gift. I want Evie to know that she will always be my daughter and that I love her. Interlocking the three hearts is my way of telling her that we will always be a family."

Joan sighs and moves closer to me, and when she lifts her hand to run her fingers through my chest hair, I see her ring sparkle in the dim light. "Do you like your ring, honey?"

"I love my ring, Jerry. You have excellent taste in jewelry."

"I had a lot of help. I had no clue what to pick out for you."

"Well, you did a good job. I can't believe we are engaged!"

"Are you happy honey?"

"Yes, and I'm afraid it's all a dream. This is real, isn't it?"

"It's about as real as it gets. Speaking of real, I have something that I want to say to you."

"Whatever it is, I agree."

"I wouldn't say yes until you hear what I have to say. You and Evie live in a crowded house, with limited space. I have a huge house, and the only reason I bought the house is that it's close to my parents. I have four bedrooms, and three bathrooms. I have plenty of space for you, Evie and Beverly. I want all of you to move in with me, immediately. I want you in my bed with me every night. I want my family under the same roof with me. I don't want to wait until we are married. I need to know that my family is safe." I hold my breath and wait for her answer.

"Okay. Evie and I will move in with you, but I'm not sure about my mother. She may not want to live with us."

"I'm not stupid and already thought that might be an issue for Beverly. I have a backup plan. All of the houses in my neighborhood have additional living space over the garage. I use that space as an office, but I can easily convert it into an apartment. I can use the finished basement for office space if I need it." I grab my phone and scroll through a few pictures until I find the ones that I need. I hand the phone to Joan.

"This is my office over the garage, and as you can see, it's a large space. Beverly will have a separate entrance. She can live with us and still have her private area. I will hire a moving company to move whatever she needs to fill the space. All that we will need is new furniture for Evie's room."

"You've thought of everything, haven't you?"

"I guess I have. I've had many sleepless nights thinking about this. I've been planning to ask you to marry me ever since you agreed to come to the party with me. My house is empty Joan, and it will give me immense happiness to go home to you and Evie every night. I don't want to miss a minute of our new life together."

"Then I say yes to all of it, and I know my mother will enjoy living in the apartment. She gave up so much to come here with me, and it's time for her to relax."

"Welcome to the family sweetheart," I say as I kiss the smile on her lips.

*****

The next morning Joan and I walk along the beach, still basking in the afterglow of our night together. As we walk towards the spot where my parents always go to, I see Evie and Kellie building a sand castle. I slip my hand into my pocket and finger the gift for Evie. As we walk closer to where they sit, Evie sees us and runs towards me. I get down on my knees, open my arms, and wait for this precious child to run into my arms.

"Doctor Jerry, I missed you." She looks up at Joan, "Hi, Mommy."

Joan gets down on her knees. "Don't I get a hug too?" Joan wraps her arms around the two of us, and my heart swells. I see my brother watching us, and then I see Diane wipe her eyes with a tissue. Time to break the news to them, and to give Evie her present. I lift her into my arms and walk back to Ethan and Diane. Joan hides her hand behind her back to conceal the ring. Once we sit down, Evie tells us about her adventure.

"I had a lot of fun today with Kellie, Mommy. Aunt Diane made pancakes, and then we played in the sand. Uncle Ethan took me in the water, but it was cold, then we made a sand castle, but it's not as good as your sand castle, Doctor Jerry. Can you make one for us?"

"I am sure Jerry will make another one for you, but first Mommy has something to tell you."

The look on Evie's face turns sad. "Is Doctor Jerry going away?"

"No, honey. Jerry is not going away. He has a present for you."

Evie's eyes brighten. "Another present? How come I get so many presents?"

"Because," Jerry says, "You are my special little girl, and I like giving you gifts."

"What kind of gift do you have for me?"

I feel sweat break out on the back of my neck. "It's a gift that not many little girls have. Do you remember when I told you that I like your mommy?"

"Uh, huh, but what about my present?"

"Well, your gift is special because I also gave one to your mommy." When I open the box and take out the necklace, I see that Evie is confused.

"Do you see these three hearts?"

"Uh, huh."

"Well, these three hearts are for your mommy, you and me. I want us to be a family Evie. I want to be your new daddy, and yesterday, I asked your mom if she will marry me."

Evie stares at the necklace and then looks up at me. "You want to be my new daddy?"

"Yes I do, and if you wear this necklace, that means you will be my daughter."

"Mommy, can I see your present."

Joan stretches out her arm, and Evie looks fascinated at Joan's engagement ring. Her little finger touches the diamond. "Am I really going to have a new daddy?"

"Yes, sweetheart. You are going to have a new daddy."

"Doctor Jerry, can I wear my necklace now?"

My hands shake as I place the chain around her neck and secure the clasp. I made sure the jeweler put a secure clasp on the chain. After all, Evie is only six years old, and I don't want her to lose it. Evie crawls into my lap, and I wrap my arms around both girls, then I hear Evie ask me, "Can I call you Daddy Jerry?"

"I think Daddy Jerry sounds much better than Doctor Jerry," I say as I hold her close to me. Ethan wraps his strong arm around Joan's shoulder and kisses her cheek. "Welcome to the family sweetheart." He then leans in and whispers something that I cannot hear, which causes Joan to shed a few tears.
Chapter 13

Joan

My happily ever after came to a screeching halt two weeks later when I arrive at work. A messenger delivers a dozen red and white roses. I thought they were from Jerry, and I am so excited when I open the card. My blood runs cold when I read the note.

Did you think your little stunt with the judge would deter me? You put me in fucking rehab. Do you have any idea what that did to me? I want to see my daughter. Don't fuck with me, Joan. You won't like my reaction. Roger.

I run out of the pharmacy and up to Jerry's office with the note still in my hand, only to find him with a patient. I pace back and forth in the waiting room, and it's all I can do not to scream. While I wait, I call my mother.

"Mom, Roger just sent me flowers with a threatening note. Keep my baby safe until I get home. I'm waiting for Jerry to finish up with a patient. Do not let her out of your sight. Keep her in the house, and make sure all of the windows and doors are locked. Call Joe and have him increase our protection."

"What did the note say?"

"He wants to see Evie, and he told me not to fuck with him. I'm scared Mom. He can't see Evie."

"Calm down Joan. Jerry will protect you and Evie."

"I know Mom. I'm scared for my baby. Roger can make it difficult for me." I look up to see Jerry leaving the exam room. He takes one look at my face, and he knows something is terribly wrong. "Mom, I have to go. Take care of Evie. I'll be home as soon as I can."

Jerry walks over to me, and I burst into tears. I hand him the note and collapse against him. Jerry helps me to stand and walks me back to his office. I sit down and try to calm my racing heart. He picks up the phone and calls my brother. Why is he calling Mike? Jerry puts the call on speaker.

A groggy Mike answers the phone. "Yeah, who is this?"

"Mike, it's Jerry. Wake the fuck up. I need you."

"I'm up. What's wrong? Is it Joan?"

"Yeah. Roger sent Joan flowers and a threatening note. He demanded to see Evie and told Joan not to fuck with him because she won't like his response. Joan is in my office, and this call is on speaker."

"I knew the son-of-a-bitch would do this to her. That's why I had Roger followed. Give me a minute to go down to my office. I received the report yesterday."

I am trying to keep up with the conversation. What report? Then I hear Mike on the phone again.

"Okay, I'm back. The detective gave me a full report. Roger Randall still resides in New York and is no longer employed at Saint Mary's Hospital. The drug issue is in his permanent file. The father, Judge Randall, tried to influence the board to reinstate him, but they refused."

"The report has a gap in the timeline. I assume this was when Roger was in rehab. I see the judge's order for community service, but the detective said that Roger never showed up. After he had left rehab, he went to his father's house and stayed there for several days. On his first day out of the house, Roger went back to his old haunting grounds. The detective followed him for two weeks, and he believes Roger is back on drugs again. He followed Roger to a few questionable clubs in the city and witnessed on several occasions public intoxication, as well as several drug buys. A woman named Beth Ann Cellini picked him up on those occasions. Ms. Cellini is the current girlfriend. Roger lost the condo and the Mercedes, and his debt exceeds two hundred and fifty thousand dollars. The judge still continues to provide financial support. Roger has nothing to lose by making trouble for my sister. Jerry, you have to protect them."

"You have my word, Mike. I will protect them."

"Mike, why are you investigating Roger?"

"Joan honey. I am worried about you. I never liked Roger, and I need leverage in the event he causes trouble for you in the future. I was right. It didn't take long for him to crawl back into the gutter."

"But that doesn't explain why Jerry called you. Are the two of you talking about me behind my back? Is that what this is about?"

"Oh, come on Joan. I have better things to do than talk behind your back. I told him about Roger, and that I was keeping an eye on him. I made it clear to Jerry that if he didn't take care of you, I would break his kneecaps with a tire iron. That's why Jerry called me. How's that for honesty?"

"You threatened him with bodily harm?"

Mike laughs. "In a nice way, Joan. He understood my meaning. I am so happy for you and Jerry. I have a house full of girls, and having a little testosterone on my side is good. Keep me informed. Do you want a copy of the report?"

"Yes, email it to me. Thanks again, Mike."

Jerry

"How do you want to handle this, Joan?"

"I don't want to live my life always looking over my shoulder, but I have to protect Evie. If she knew that her father contacted me, all of the progress that she has made this year will disappear. I can't do that to my baby."

"I don't want you out of my sight until we get this resolved. We need to see Chris Lucas. Let's do that today."

"I'll ask Brenda to cover for me. I'll tell her I have a family emergency."

"I'll come with you. I only have one appointment this morning."

"I'm scared, Jerry. I knew this might happen again. I knew he wouldn't give up until he made my life miserable. Didn't he learn anything in rehab?"

"Honey, you cannot reason with a sick person. No matter what you say, he will twist and distort your words to suit his needs. Drugs do that to a person. He's mentally incompetent, and he needs to be off the streets. Do you think his father has anything to do with this?"

"I wouldn't put it past him to screw with me. He wasn't happy about the divorce, or the smackdown you gave him in the judge's chambers. He brushed everything under the carpet like a dirty little secret. My bruises and fractured ribs are not a secret. Domestic services documented all of my injuries. I imagine the whispers and innuendoes tarnished the family name. I don't give a fuck about the family name. I hate the name, and I was in the process of going back to my maiden name when I met you. Now, I don't have to worry about that because soon I will be Joan Miller. I like how that sounds."

I pull Joan closer to me and kiss her neck. "I like it too, more than you know."

"I am sorry to drag you into this mess, Jerry. Our engagement should be a happy time for us, and once again, Roger is messing with my life. I won't let him ruin my happiness."

"That's my girl. Fight for what you want sweetheart, and know that I will be by your side one hundred percent, and so will my family. You are one of us now, and we take care of each other."

"We need to tell Evie that her father contacted me. I want her to be alert if Roger shows up at our house. When we get home, I'm calling my case worker."

"Call her now. She needs to know that Roger contacted you."

Joan

Betty Garner is not surprised to hear from me.

"I'm so glad you called me Joan. Your case file was on my desk this morning. Listen, I am about to break protocol, but I think you need to be aware of something. I found out yesterday afternoon that Judge Randall put pressure on my director to re-open your case. I am in the process of serving the papers to you. You should have the paperwork sometime tomorrow, via courier."

I hear papers shuffling, and then I listen to what has been my worse nightmare since my divorce. "Roger has petitioned the court to change the custody agreement. He wants joint custody, and is petitioning for an arbitration meeting."

"Can he do that considering his past drug issues?"

"He can if Judge Randall pulls a few strings."

"How is this legal? Don't I have rights as Evie's mother? Don't I have rights as the abused wife? You have proof of the abuse. What can I do? I have to protect my daughter."

"Roger must demonstrate to the court that such a  custody order is consistent with the child's best interest. That is not to say fathers do not have certain issues that are sometimes, depending on the family structure, more unique to them. However, those issues must all be addressed within the context of the child's best interest, because that is what family law judges are trained to focus on."

"The main issue is that Evie has not bonded with her father, either before, or after the divorce. We have witness affidavits stating the fractured nature of your marriage. We also have the pictures showing the abuse you sustained before filing for the order of protection. The judge may rule that it is detrimental to remove Evie from the stability you have provided for her. That goes a long way in determining joint custody. Before the court makes any modifications to the custody order, the judge will ask for proof that there has been a material change of circumstances since the entry of the last order."

"Roger knows where I work. He sent me flowers this morning with a threatening note."

"What did the note say?"

"Roger wants to see Evie and I better not get in his way. I'm afraid Betty. I don't want my daughter exposed to his lunacy."

Jerry whispers in my ear. "Tell her about Mike's report."

I not in agreement. "Um, I have something to say to you off the record, because I'm not sure if this information will be admissible in court."

"Joan, anything you tell me is admissible in family court. I need you to think before you speak."

I contemplate whether I should tell her, and decide it's worth the risk. I want Roger out of my life. "What if I were to inform you that a family member has information of a relative nature to the mental and physical stability of my ex-husband. And, this information demonstrates that his previous behavior and addictions are still present in his life. Would this information have an impact on his attempt to change the custody agreement?"

"Was this information obtained legally?"

"Yes, the person who gave me the report hired an investigative firm."

"Would this person be willing to release a copy to my office for review and verification of the evidence in the report?"

"Yes, that won't be a problem. The person in question is more than willing to release the report. I didn't know it existed until earlier today when I received the flowers."

"Who obtained the report, Joan?"

"It was my brother Mike. He only did it to protect me, and I'm glad that he did. Apparently, Roger has not learned from his past mistakes, and I will not expose my daughter to whatever the hell he is doing with his life."

"You should know that Judge Randall may put pressure on my director to suppress the evidence. Are you prepared for that, if it happens?"

"I'll contact the newspapers if Roger and his father steamroll me. You should know now that I have no reservations about exposing all of this. My daughter's safety comes first. I don't care about that family, and I'll expose them if I have to." I feel Jerry put a comforting hand on my shoulder, and I don't know what I would do without his love and support.

Betty continues. "I will pass that along to my director."

"You do that. If I have to call your director, it will get ugly."

"I understand Joan. I'll get back to you in a few days. Have your brother fax me the report today, if possible. Here is my number."

I write down the number and then call Mike. I leave a message for him to fax the report today and send me confirmation.

Jerry

I follow Joan to our house because I don't want to leave my car at the hospital. I am practically bumper to bumper with her as we drive up I-95. I don't want anyone getting between our cars. My phone rings, and it's Joan.

"If you drive any closer to me, you will hit my car. Why are you driving so close to me?"

"I don't want anyone getting between us."

I hear Joan sigh into the phone. "Is this how it's going to be? I don't want you freaking out every minute of the day."

I don't want to have this conversation while we are driving. "Listen to me, Joan. You and Evie are the two most important people in my life. I love the both of you so very much. Please don't ask me not to worry, because it's impossible not to worry. In my mind, you are already my wife, and Evie is my daughter, and until the situation with Roger plays out in court, I will be up your ass, in a nice way!"

"What am I going to do with you?"

"Love me. That's all that I ask, Joan. Just love me and accept my stalker tendencies. I won't be able to relax if I can't protect you. I will do whatever I have to do to keep the two of you safe."

"Have I told you today that I love you?"

"Yes, you did, but I never get tired of hearing it. Say it again, Joan."

"I love you, Jerry, so very much."

"I love you too sweetheart. Now, pay attention to your driving."

"Yes, doctor!"

I look in my rearview mirror and see Joan's shadow. I feel a little better knowing she has protection. While I have a few quiet minutes, I call Chris Lucas.

"Hey, Chris. It's Jerry Miller."

"It can't be good news if you're calling me."

"It's not good news. Roger is out of rehab and is on drugs again. Joan's brother hired someone to keep an eye on Roger, and he's out on the streets making drug buys and hanging out in bars. Joan called her caseworker in New York, and Betty told Joan that Judge Randall pulled strings again, and Roger wants to change the custody agreement. He is asking for joint custody, and he wants a custody arbitration meeting."

"Do you have a copy of the report?"

"Yeah. Mike emailed it to me."

"Where are you now?" Chris asks me.

"I'm in my car following Joan. We are on our way home."

"When you get home, email me a copy of the report. Give me your cell number. I'll text you my email address." Once I give Chris my phone number, I ask him, "Do we have to worry about custody Chris? It will kill Joan if Roger has access to Evie."

"If I remember correctly, didn't Judge DeMarco warn Clifford about using his office to exert undue influence?"

"Yes, that's what he said."

"When you send me the report, give me the phone number for Joan's caseworker. I want a copy of Joan's case file, and all relevant information as soon as possible. I'll have my assistant prepare a subpoena when I hang up. They will not get away with this manipulation of the court system. Clifford stepped over the line. Once I have the report, I'll speak to Judge DeMarco."

"Thanks, Chris. I'll talk to Joan when we get home."

My next call is to Detective Holloway.

*****

When we arrive at our house, I see the worry in Beverly's eyes. "Where is Evie?"

"She is in the playroom. She doesn't understand why we couldn't go to the park today. I told her Granny wasn't feeling well."

"I called the detective who handled Diane's case. He advised us to refile the restraining order in Philadelphia County. We're going to City Hall now, and I'll take Evie with me. I also called Chris." I proceed to tell Joan and Beverly about our conversation.

Joan screams. "Why are they doing this to me?"

"I don't know honey, but Chris is pissed off, and once he has the report, Judge DeMarco will get involved. You have influential people in your corner baby. Let them do their jobs. Our job is to protect Evie."

Beverly grabs my arm as tears run down her face. "Protect my family Jerry."

"They are also my family, Beverly, and I will protect them."

I walk over to the breakfast nook which has now become Evie's play area. "Whatcha doing, squirt?"

"Mommy bought me a new coloring book. Look at the pictures, Daddy Jerry. Aren't they pretty?"

"Yes, they are, and you stayed in the lines."

"Do you want the picture when I finish?"

My office is quickly becoming Evie central. I have at least two dozen pictures taped to the walls. Some of my patients laugh at Evie's more colorful art. "My patients like your pictures. Do you know that some of them feel better when they see your pictures?"

"They do?"

"Yes, squirt. Some of my patients are scared when they see me, and your pictures make them laugh."

"I'm glad they feel better, Daddy Jerry."

I see Joan standing in the doorway with the paperwork. "How would you like to take a little trip with Mommy and me? We have to drive into the city to do something. Do you want to come with us?"

"Can I get ice cream?"

"After we finish, we'll drive to the diner, and you can have ice cream after lunch."

"Okay. Can we leave now?"

I pick up Evie, toss her over my shoulder and head for the door. Her innocent laughter calms the anger that's been boiling inside of me all morning. Once we are outside, I put her down, and she reaches up to hold my hand. I wrap my other arm around Joan, and we walk to the car.

Joan

After we eat lunch, we decide to take a walk and tell Evie about Roger. I want my daughter to be alert to her surroundings, and I am so relieved that Jerry bought her a cell phone. The diner has a park a few blocks away, and when we sit down on the bench, I pull Evie onto my lap. I think she senses my tension because she is fidgeting in my lap.

"Sweetie, I received a letter from Dad today, and he wants to see you. I won't let that happen, Evie. I know you are afraid of your dad."

My baby becomes very upset and reaches for Jerry. He lifts her off my lap and hugs her tightly. "I won't let him see you, honey. Mommy and I will protect you."

"He scares me, Daddy Jerry. He was mean to Mommy, and he yelled at me and made me scared. He told me to sit in the closet, and he hurt my arm."

I look at Jerry, and I see the rage in his eyes. "How did Dad hurt your arm, honey?"

"He squeezed my arm really hard when he said I was bad. He said bad girls had to stay in the closet until they learned how to be good."

"Sweetheart, why didn't you tell Mommy about this before today?"

"Because I thought I was bad, and I was afraid, and I didn't want Daddy to hurt you again."

"He won't hurt us again, sweetheart. He will never hurt us again."

"Are you sure?" Evie asks timidly.

"Yes, sweetheart. We have Jerry now, and he loves us."

Evie looks up at Jerry. "Do you love us, Daddy Jerry?'

Jerry rubs her back soothingly. "I love you squirt, and I love Mommy."

"And you won't let him hurt Mommy again?"

"No honey, he will not hurt you or Mommy."

"Okay, I feel better now."

I wish I felt better.
Chapter 14

Jerry

It's been almost a month since Joan, Evie, and Beverly moved into my house. I have to admit that it makes me euphoric coming home every night. I no longer schedule appointments past four in the afternoon, and I am home for dinner every evening. My kitchen hasn't seen this much activity in, well, forever. I rarely cook, and it pleases me seeing everyone comfortable in my house. Now it's our house, and damn, it feels good saying that.

Tonight, when I walk into the living room, I feel the tension. Evie doesn't run up to me for a hug, and I don't hear anyone in the house. I know Joan is in the house because I parked next to her car in the driveway, and the security team would have called me if Joan went out with Evie. Panic chokes me, and I run through the house looking for Joan. I practically break down Evie's bedroom door and stop dead in my tracks when I see the two of them asleep in Evie's bed. Something happened today. I can feel it in my bones.

I walk over to the bed, and when I sit down, Joan opens her eyes. Her beautiful eyes are red-rimmed, and I know she has been crying. My eyes ask her what happened, but in my gut, I know it was Roger. She reaches for her phone, taps the screen, then hands it to me. My hand shakes as I stare at what used to be her home. Joan gets out of bed slowly, so not to wake Evie. I follow her out of the room, and when I close the bedroom door, Joan falls into me sobbing.

I pick her up and walk to our room. Once I close the door, the tears flow freely, and all I can do is hold her in my arms. I don't know how long we stay like this, but at some point, the tears stop, and when she looks up at me, I see a broken person. Roger finally broke her, and I could kill him for doing this to my family. I pick her up again and lay her on our bed. When I lay next to her, Joan wraps herself around me.

"Can you tell me what happened honey?"

"I got home from work early today, and I wanted to go over to the house to get the rest of Evie's clothes, toys, and a few other things. My mother came with us, and when I parked in the driveway, the front door was open. I called the police and waited for them to show up. While we waited for the police, Greg and Bill surrounded my car, and ten minutes later, Joe and David had arrived. Evie was frightened, and she wouldn't stop crying. My mother tried to soothe her but Evie was so scared, she wet herself, and that made her cry harder."

"When the police arrived, they searched the house and found it was empty, and when I walked in the front door, my heart broke at the devastation. My furniture is destroyed, as well as most of the dishes in the kitchen. All of Evie's stuffed animals are cut open, and when I went into my bedroom, I knew it was Roger because he left me a message written in lipstick on my mirror. It said, 'I told you not to fuck with me, Joan. Where is my daughter?'"

"My mother went to the police station to file the report, and I came home with Evie. It's taken me hours to calm her. I'm scared Jerry. What he did to my house was not the act of a sane person. I took pictures of the damages for the insurance claim, and I also need to call my caseworker. Roger is unstable, and he needs to stay away from me. How can I get him to stay away from me? What if he finds me here? I have to leave. I have to go someplace where he can't find us."

"You are not going anywhere, Joan. My home is your home. You have rights, and I think it's time to go public."

"I never thought Roger would break into my house and trash all of our belongings. Roger destroyed everything in the house with spray paint. How could he destroy Evie's toys? He makes me sick! I'm worried about Evie when she is in school."

"Why didn't you call me? I would have been there with you."

"I know I should have called you, but I was so shaken up by what had happened and dealing with the police, and Evie crying, it was just too much for me, and I forgot to call you. I'm sorry. I should have called you."

"It's going to be okay sweetheart."

"How can you say that?! It's not going to be okay as long as Roger breathes. He will always harass me. Roger's behavior is worse than when we were married. He must be on serious drugs for him to do something like this."

"It's not the same Joan because now, you have me, and my family. You are not alone. Let's check on Evie. I need to know that my little girl is okay."

*****

Joan and I sit on either side of her bed, and I gently rouse her from sleep. The minute Evie opens her eyes she crawls into my lap and cries. Just like with Joan, I let Evie cry until the tears stop.

"Mommy said he broke my toys, and I can't take them with me. Sharkie is still at my old house. Why can't I bring my toys with me? I miss my toys. I heard Mommy tell the policeman that my mean Daddy broke my toys. I'm scared, Daddy Jerry. Don't let him hurt us. He's mean, and he did a bad thing to our house. Can I get new toys?"

"No one is going to hurt you or Mommy. I will do all that I can to protect you and Mommy. Tomorrow we will go shopping, and you can get whatever toys you want. The sky's the limit!"

"Can we go back to the aquarium to get another shark? I miss my shark. It is my favorite stuffed animal because you got it for me."

"I'll get you another shark, and anything else you want. Are you still tired squirt?"

Evie nods her head yes. I tuck her back into bed, pull up the sheet, and kiss her forehead. "Go to sleep baby. You're safe now."

"Okay. Love you, Daddy Jerry."

"Love you too, baby."

*****

Beverly arrives home shortly after six o'clock with Detective Holloway.

"Ms. Randall, your mother provided all of the information for me to file a report. I'd like to dust for fingerprints at the scene of the crime. I need physical evidence to arrest Mr. Randall for B&E."

"Do what you need to do. You have my permission."

"That's good. I have my team waiting at your house." Detective Holloway takes his phone out of his pocket and makes the call. "I want every room checked for prints. Have someone secure the premises before you leave the scene. I don't want anything touched until I have the report on my desk. And, make that report happen quickly. Mr. Randall is unstable, and I want him off the streets, now."

"Um, sir. I'm still outside the house, and I see a car across the street with New York tags. What do you want me to do?"

"Don't make it obvious that you see his car. Let him sit out there and think about what he's done. Do we have any unmarked cars at the scene?"

"Yes, sir. We have two unmarked cars parked down the street."

"Radio one of them now. I want Roger Randall followed."

"Yes, sir."

*****

I feel like a caged animal. I can't ever remember feeling so out of control emotionally. Is this what it feels like to love someone so completely you could and would kill for them? "I can't believe he has the balls to sit outside Joan's house. How fucking stupid is he?"

"It's the drugs, Jerry. I've been doing this job for almost thirty years, and I still can't believe some of the things I've seen the past few years."

The Detective's phone beeps. "Mr. Randall just left the scene, and we have Detective Benson following him."

"Keep me posted on his activities. If Mr. Randall leaves the state, do not pursue him. We know where he's going."

"What happens now?" I ask him.

"I can guarantee you that we will find his prints on the front door, as well as the interior. It appears that Mr. Randall is on his way back to New York. We cannot issue an arrest warrant and cross state lines, but we can have a U.S. Marshall issue an arrest warrant."

Joan says, "It won't be long before his father gets him out of jail again."

"The system is not perfect Ms. Randall. We do what we can within the constraints of the law. People like Roger Randall hang themselves eventually."

"At whose expense?" I ask him. "Who does he have to hurt before the system puts him away?"

"I know it's not a perfect system, Jerry, but we must operate within the constraints of the law."

"And who will protect my family? The fact that Roger came back to the scene of the crime is disgusting. He's taunting all of us because he knows Judge Randall will get his ass out of trouble."

"Not this time," Joan said. "I'm calling him. I took pictures of my house, and I think it's time Clifford knows exactly what his son is capable of doing."

"I am not sure that will be effective, but it won't hurt to try anyway." Detective Holloway says. "By the way, I saw a few of my former colleagues outside of this house. You have good men working for you, and they have extensive street experience."

"They play golf with my father, and volunteered their time until Roger is off the street."

Detective Holloway shakes my hand. "Keep them close to you at all times."

"That's what I intend to do."

By the end of the day, the police have proof positive that Roger broke into Joan's house, and we have the petition from the caseworker.

Joan

The sound of my phone ringing wakes us at two in the morning. I am shocked to see that it's Clifford. Why is he calling me? Thinking quickly, I hit record on my phone when I answer the call.

"Hello?"

"Hello, Joan. It's Clifford. Are you okay?"

"Um, physically yes, emotionally, not so good. Evie is very upset."

"I am sorry Joan, but I have to protect my son. He is sick. I'm sure you can see that he is sick."

"Then why don't you help him?! He is terrorizing Evie and me. It's only a matter of time before someone gets hurt."

I hear him sigh into the phone. "It's complicated."

My anger rises to the surface. "It's always complicated to you. For once in your life, think about your goddamn son instead of your high and mighty reputation! You knew Roger beat me. You saw the proof, and yet, you did nothing to help me. You protect Roger and look what's happened. He came back, broke into my house, and destroyed everything. What kind of man destroys his daughter's toys? I want him to stay away from me."

"I think it's in Evie's best interest if she lives with us. It may calm down Roger, and make him more receptive to our help."

"Are you kidding me? You will never get your hands on my daughter."

"I have influence, Joan. Don't think for one minute that I won't use it."

"And don't think for one minute that I won't fight you."

"You can try, but you won't be successful. See you in court."

"You bet your ass I'll see you in court."

I stare at my phone for several minutes, while my brain tries to comprehend what I've just heard, and then I feel strong arms envelop me. I'm shaking uncontrollably and crying at the same time. "Clifford threatened me, Jerry. He wants Evie, not Roger. Clifford is using his son to get Evie."

"I think it's time to fight dirty, honey. It's the only way people like him understand. I suddenly have a brilliant idea."

"What's your brilliant idea?"

"We are getting married now. I want the court to know that you have a husband that loves you and Evie. That goes a long way in proving a stable environment. Tomorrow morning, we will go to the courthouse for our license. I have a patient who is a judge, and all I have to do is call him, and I am sure he will agree to marry us."

"This is just one more thing that Roger has ruined for me. I want a beautiful wedding, not something that takes ten minutes in a judge's office."

"Oh honey, we are still going to have our beautiful wedding. You forget that this is my first wedding, and I want all of the bells and whistles. Getting married now is only a preemptive move to sway the court in your favor. I want to see you walk down the aisle in a beautiful gown. I want to see Evie as our flower girl. Believe me, we will have our special day, and it will be memorable."

"Are you sure it will work?"

"Tomorrow morning, I will call Judge Harrison and get his opinion. Let's go back to bed honey. We have a lot to do tomorrow."

Jerry

My mind races with all that I have to accomplish to pull off a wedding in five days. First on the agenda is a call to Judge Harrison when I get to work. Joan has taken the day off because Evie is still clinging to her, and screams if she leaves the house. Currently, Evie is trying to crawl up my leg. I bend down to pick her up and set her on my lap.

"Do you trust me, sweetheart?"

"Yeah." She says timidly.

"I won't let anyone hurt you. Mommy is not going to work today. Joe and Pete are outside watching the house. I want you to have a fun day with Mommy, and let me worry about everything. Okay, sweetheart?"

"Okay. Will you bring me home brownies today?"

"You know I will. Be a good girl today, honey."

"Okay, Daddy. I love you."

"I love you too, honey."

When I get into the car, I call Judge Harrison. He is surprised to hear from me.

"Hello, Dr. Miller. Did I miss an appointment?"

"No. You're good. I need your advice on an issue that my fiance is having with her ex-husband." I then proceed to tell him everything. "Do you think it will sway the court? Joan is upset that we have to speed up our wedding, but I can't think of anything else to do. Judge Randall threatened Joan, and she recorded the conversation."

"You know that is not admissible in court, don't you?"

"Yes, I do, but that's not the point. Clifford intends to throw his weight around to get what he wants. I will not allow that to happen, and if I have to, I'll make life tough for him."

"How so?"

"I already have The DA's office looking into this, as well as Judge DeMarco. Judge DeMarco warned Clifford of the consequences should this happen again. If they force me into a corner, I will contact every newspaper in the state. I have proof that Roger is unstable. He will not have access to Evie. How hard is it to prove incompetence?"

"It's not easy proving incompetency Jerry. Even if Clifford exerts undue influence, in this case, he cannot risk his reputation with a public scandal. He'd rather throw Roger under the bus than cause a scandal in his courtroom. I've heard rumors that he has his eyes on the Governorship."

"How does this work, Ken. I'm not familiar with custody hearings."

"Typically, a parent can seek a  custody modification after a certain amount of time has passed, which is three years or if there's been a material change in circumstances. A material change is a significant and permanent change that affects a child's well-being. Some circumstances that may warrant a change in custody can include a  parent's relocation, a child's recent medical diagnosis, or even a parent's remarriage. A court will modify custody following a parent's remarriage if the proposed change serves a  child's best interests."

"A second marriage doesn't automatically warrant a new custody arrangement. Instead, you'll have to prove that your child's other parent is no longer able to provide a suitable environment for the child, or if the parent is unable to meet the child's needs as a result of the remarriage. For example, a custody change may be in order if your ex remarried a man who has six children of his own, and your child no longer has a bed to sleep in at your ex's house. Additionally, if a remarriage caused your child's other parent to move out of your child's school district boundaries, you may have a claim to switch custody if your child could avoid having to change schools by living with you instead."

"Most child custody battles are challenging, and more courts are encouraging parents to resolve their disagreements using alternative dispute resolution, with the focal point being on mediating a solution that is acceptable to all parties. A judge is not required to be present during the mediation process. You need to be prepared for whatever they throw at you. It will get ugly, Jerry. The result of Joan's meeting with the mediator can influence or even determine the outcome of her child custody case. You need to prepare for the discussions that will take place. The other party will try to portray Joan as an unfit mother. They could use your relationship with Joan against her. They could argue that you are not acting as a positive role model for Evie. I would not be surprised if they have a file on you Jerry, and after hearing about Joan's difficulties, this is a waste of time for all parties concerned."

"From what you have told me, Roger is unable to provide a suitable environment for Evie, and with his continuous drug use, it is highly unlikely that the court will grant joint custody, even if Clifford provides that environment. The court does not look favorably on interference by other family members, regardless of their status in the community. The bottom line is that Roger will be solely responsible for providing a stable environment."

"I would suggest that you have as many people as possible in Joan's corner. The more people you have that can testify to the loving relationship that you have with Evie will only help her case. Now, about the wedding. I want you and Joan to go to City Hall, Register of Wills, room one forty, and apply for the license. The processing time for the application is seventy-two hours. Once you have the marriage license, call me, and it will be my honor to marry you."

"I appreciate this, Ken."

"You saved my life, Jerry. It's time for me to return the favor."

After I end my call with Ken, I call my office to let them know that I won't be in today. I run back into the house to give Joan the good news. She is surprised to see me.

"I thought you went to work."

"I was sitting in the car talking to Ken. We need to go to City Hall today to apply for the marriage license. Once we have it, Ken said he would be more than happy to marry us." When Joan says nothing, I become concerned. "What's wrong?"

"I just got off the phone with Betty. We have an arbitration hearing in two weeks. I have to be in Manhattan on the twenty-third. Betty told me that this is a common practice before the court becomes involved. The meeting is to take place in her building. They have individual rooms set up for arbitration."

"You won't be alone. My entire family will be with you. There is strength in numbers honey. We need to show the court that Evie has a stable environment." I pick up the phone and call my parents. "I need you at my house as soon as possible. We have a problem with Roger."

"What did the fucker do now?" my dad asks.

I give him all of the gruesome details. He is off the charts pissed-off. "We'll be there in fifteen minutes."

While I wait for my parents, I focus my thoughts because if I show the slightest amount of anger, or raise my voice, it will terrify Evie. Joan sees me struggling to keep it together. Evie knows something is wrong. She walks over to me and sits on my lap.

"Are you mad, Daddy?"

"Yes, honey. I am a little angry. I don't want you to worry if you see me a little mad, okay?"

"Is it because of my other dad?"

"Yes honey, but I want you to know that you have nothing to worry about because you have a lot of people who love you, and want to protect you."

Evie gets off my lap and grabs my hand. I follow her into the dining room where she has all of her coloring books on the table. She gives me a crayon and a piece of paper.

"Can you draw me a funny face, Daddy?"

And that's how my sweet little girl calmed her Daddy. We draw funny faces until my parents arrive at our house. My father takes one look at us coloring and burst out laughing.

*****

Beverly takes Evie over to her apartment because I need to speak to my parents without her in the room. I tell my parents about the hearing and the wedding. Both of them stare at me in disbelief. My mother is especially pissed off.

"I want the two of you to come with us to New York. I'm also going to ask Ethan and Diane to go with us. We need to show a united front. Joan will be my wife in a few days, and that goes a long way in providing a stable environment for Evie."

"You have already given her a stable environment. Why rush the wedding?" my mother asks me.

"We don't know what Clifford and his lawyer have up their sleeve. For all we know, he is having us followed. Roger probably knows that Joan and Evie live with me. I am confident that he will use this against Joan. I won't let that happen. Judge Harrison will marry us once we have the license, and then we can plan our wedding. I want a formal wedding, Mom. Mary took that away from me twenty years ago. I won't let it happen again."

As I am speaking to my parents, Chris Lucas calls me. "Hey, what do you have for me, Chris?" I put him on speaker.

"You are not going to believe what happened after I talked to you this morning. I called Judge DeMarco and told him about Clifford's interference with Joan's custody agreement. I spoke to him off the record and said that Joan recorded the conversation and that Clifford threatened her. He was pissed off. The Judge wants me to inform you that he is going with you to Manhattan. He also said that he heard through the grapevine that Judge Randall went to his friend, the Governor, for help with his son's custody case. I wouldn't be surprised if the Governor is pulling strings in family court. He has a powerful backer, and I am worried that we are up against the wall."

"I also spoke to Betty Garner. Off the record, she told me that she has a meeting scheduled for tomorrow with her superiors, and Betty fears that she will be replaced and will no longer be Joan's caseworker. And, I received an anonymous email that contains Joan's case information, as well as several emails directing her to follow orders or lose her job. That's why she sent me the file. The IP address was from an outside source not connected with her employer. I asked her if she would be willing to testify to the outside interference, and she said yes."

"What I don't understand is why they want custody of Evie?"

"It's the perception of family unity. Judge Randall has his eye on the governorship, and he is having difficulty reining in Roger and his bad habits. By having Evie under his roof, he can play up the concerned grandfather and force his son to get the help that he needs. Rehab was a stall tactic to avoid a court trial. Roger had no intention to seek help."

"I am telling you right now Chris, that if he pulls this shit in family court, I will go public. He will not manipulate the judicial system to suit his needs. My little girl also has rights. She has the right to grow up in a loving home. She has the right to have parents who love her unconditionally. In five days I will be her step-father, and if Clifford thinks that I will roll over and play dead, he is sadly mistaken. No one fucks with my family and gets away with it. I am sure the New York Times and the Post would love to hear my story."

"Hah. You picked two of the largest newspapers in New York State. Plan on going public, because this will not end unless someone exposes what they are trying to do to Joan. It's not right, and the DA's office backs you one hundred percent. I am also going with you to Manhattan. I also spoke to Detective Holloway, and he has a brilliant idea."

I listen to what Chris has to say, and I am grinning from ear to ear. "Will it work?" I ask him.

"It will work, but we have to time it correctly. I want the element of surprise to be on my side."

"After what you've just told me, I think more than one person will be surprised."
Chapter 15

Joan

Jerry and I are getting married today, and I feel like crying because I am not happy. I've tried to mask my feelings ever since we applied for our marriage license. I hate that Roger ruined this beautiful day for me. All I've thought about is when will he show up and how will he hurt me, because I know sooner or later, his anger will boil to the surface. I wandered aimlessly yesterday in search of a dress to wear, and I just picked something simple. Jerry senses my unhappiness, and he has tried so hard to keep a positive spin on the mess that has become my life. Evie, on the other hand, is over the moon happy that she will have her, and I quote, 'official daddy.'

I have put on my dress, and as I stand before the mirror, I don't see a happy bride. I see a woman who is being forced to speed up her marriage, and I am resentful and angry. Jerry stands behind me and adjusts his tie. I see him looking at me. I see the concern in his eyes. It's not fair to him to ruin this day. I am getting what I want. I am marrying the man that I love, and if my suspicions are correct, a whole lot more.

"You don't look happy, honey. I'm sorry about everything. We will have our special day, I promise you. I don't like it either honey, but at the end of the day, you will be Joan Miller. I like the sound of that. My wife, Joan Miller."

"I'm sorry Jerry. I've tried to let it go, but this is not the wedding that I want. It's cold and impersonal. Getting married in a judge's chambers is not a beautiful church, with flowers and bridesmaids."

"I know honey, but we must do this. Think of Evie. We must protect her, and if having a quick wedding will prevent Roger from getting custody, then that's what we will do."

'You're right. I am selfish."

"You are not selfish. Every woman wants a beautiful wedding, and I promise you, we will have it. Let's get Evie. We have to go over to my parent's house. Mom and Dad agreed to be our witnesses."

*****

There are several cars in front of Steve and Catherine's house, and we have to park halfway down the street. Evie is practically running down the street, with my mother running after her. Behind us are our constant bodyguards. I've become accustomed to them following me everywhere, and I hardly notice their presence. As we approach their house, I see wedding decorations in the window and a white wreath with silver ribbons hanging on the front door. Jerry smirks at me and holds my hand.

"My mother cannot resist decorating. They are beyond happy to welcome you and Evie to our family. My mom thought I would never get married."

"Are you happy Jerry?"

We stop walking, and Jerry turns to face me. "What I feel goes beyond happiness sweetheart. I feel free from the past. I feel grateful to have this second chance to have the life that I've always wanted. I feel so much love for you and Evie that I have no words to describe how I feel. Whatever doubts that you have about the future, wipe them from your mind. I love you. I want to marry you. I want to share my life with you, and grow old with you. When the time comes, and I take my final breath, it is you that I will think about, and it is your name that I will whisper as I close my eyes."

"When you say these things to me, I fall a little deeper in love with you. I want what you want, Jerry. I want to have your children. I want to watch our children grow and have babies of their own. I want everything with you. I am sorry about how I've been acting the past few days. I have a vision in my mind of how I want my wedding to be, and this isn't it, but I do understand why it has to be this way."

"When we get back from Manhattan, I want you to start planning our wedding, and whatever you want is fine with me. I'll leave the planning up to you and the two moms. I'll just show up to kiss the bride. Now, I want to see a smile on your face sweetheart, because we are getting married today. Look at Evie. Look at how happy she is. That's all that matters, Joan. We will have our special day, and it will be everything that you had planned."

"You're right. I am acting like a spoiled brat. Let's get married!"

*****

My jaw drops when we step through the front door. The first thing that I notice is the smell of fresh red roses which adorn the fireplace mantel. There are silver and white balloons, wedding streamers, and standing in front of it is Judge Harrison. Catherine walks over to me and hugs me. I am so emotional at the present moment that I can't speak. Jerry is smiling at me, and my miserable mood leaves me. The house looks beautiful. Ethan, Diane, their children and the security team are also here with us. Ethan has a protective hand over their child. I place my hand on my stomach and pray that my suspicions are correct.

"Catherine, the house looks beautiful. Thank you so much for doing this for us. I don't know what to say."

"Oh, honey. It was my pleasure. I am so grateful to you Joan. I have never seen him this happy. Arranging a small reception is the least I could do to make your day special. Getting married at City Hall is not romantic. Neither is this, but it will have to do until we plan your real wedding."

"It's more than I expected Catherine, and I am very grateful."

"As of today, I am Mom to you, honey. I lost my daughters many years ago, and I am so happy to have you as my second daughter. Welcome to the family sweetheart. Dad and I love you."

The tears flow freely now when Stephen walks up to me and holds me in his arms. "You saved my son sweetheart. For that, I will always be grateful. Welcome to the family honey. Love you."

"Love you too, Dad."

The Judge clears his throat. "Are we ready everyone?"

Catherine hands me a beautiful bouquet of red roses. Jerry and I take our place in front of the fireplace, and Catherine and Stephen stand next to us. Evie stands in front of Jerry, and he puts a protective hand on her shoulder. Our vows are simple but meaningful. Our wedding may be unconventional, but the rings are exquisite. Jerry's band is platinum with channel set diamonds, which matches my ring. It's good having connections because getting rings like this in a few days is impossible. When the judge pronounces us husband and wife, Jerry places both hands on my face and looks into my eyes for several seconds. His eyes say everything that I need to hear. I slide my hands over Jerry's, and we share a tender kiss.

Evie is pulling on his pant leg. Jerry bends down to pick her up, and the three of us hold each other. The three of us are officially a family, and my heart is bursting with love. Whatever happens next week, nothing will break the love that we have for each other.

"Are you my daddy now?" Evie asks him.

"I am squirt. Are you happy Evie?"

"Uh huh. Really happy, Daddy."

"Mommy and I have a wedding present for you squirt."

"You give me a lot of presents. I like it." Everyone in the room laughs.

"Well, this is a wedding day present. Do you want to see what it is?"

"That's silly Daddy. You know I do." Again, everyone laughs.

"Close your eyes. I want it to be a surprise."

Evie closes her eyes, and I place the bracelet on her little wrist. The two of us wanted to get something special for Evie and decided on a charm bracelet with a platinum heart and a small wedding bell charm. The jeweler told us that we could add links as Evie grows, and she will be able to wear it always. When she opens her eyes and looks down at her wrist, Evie starts to cry.

"Why are you crying sweetheart?"

"My bracelet is so beautiful, Daddy. Is it really for me?"

"It is. And every year on Mommy and Daddy's anniversary, we will add another charm. When you are grown up, you will have this bracelet as a reminder of how much Mommy and Daddy love you."

God, I want to cry with happiness. Evie and I are so blessed to be loved by this special man. Now that the wedding jitters are over, I'm suddenly a little nauseous, and my hand once again goes to my stomach. I have a pregnancy test in my purse, and I think now is the time to confirm what in my heart, I already know. If it is positive, I'll give this to Jerry as my wedding gift to him. I excuse myself and head to the bathroom. The test is simple, and after I take care of business, I sit on the edge of the bathtub and stare at the blinking hourglass. Three minutes later, I have my answer. When I exit the bathroom, I walk up to Catherine and whisper in her ear, "I need your help with something." She looks at me suspiciously and follows me into the bathroom. I hold up the stick, and she hugs me.

"Oh, this day is turning out to be one of the best days of my life."

"I want to wrap it and give it to Jerry as my wedding present."

"I have what you need. Give it to me, and I'll take care of it for you. Go enjoy your special day."

*****

Everyone is sitting around the huge dining room table eating and talking to each other. In the center of the table is a beautiful wedding cake. Jerry looks up when I sit next to him. At the end of the huge table sits several wedding gifts. Honestly, we do not need anything, but I am grateful for everyone's generosity.

"Where were you? I was getting worried."

"I was in the bathroom."

"Oh, sorry. Are you hungry?"

"Just a little bit. I have a wedding day nervous stomach."

"A little food will help you feel better. Eat something bland, and have a cup of tea."

"That sounds so good."

There is enough food on this table to feed an army, and I quickly find something that will ease my rolling stomach. Instead of tea, I have a glass of ginger ale. My leg is bobbing up and down under the table while I wait for her to bring out the test. When she does, I choke back a laugh. Catherine walks over to me and hands me a large box, and whispers to me, "There are four wrapped boxes inside this one." We share a laugh, and she takes her seat next to Stephen. I see her whisper in his ear, and his eyes meet mine. I give him a wink and turn to face Jerry.

"I know we agreed not to exchange wedding gifts, but I couldn't resist giving this to you."

"Crap. Now I feel horrible. I knew I shouldn't have agreed to that."

"It's okay Jerry. I know you will love this gift."

My heart is thumping in my chest as I watch Jerry unwrap the box. When he takes off the lid, there is another wrapped box. Jerry looks at me confused. "Keep opening the boxes. I promise you will be surprised." Three boxes later, and there is only one more box to open.

"Is this the last box?" he asks me.

"Yes. That is the last box, but before you open it, I have something to say. I want you to know that I am so happy giving this gift to you. From the first day that I met you again, you have changed my life. I love you so very much, and I know that we will have a happy life together."

"I love you too honey, and whatever is in this box, I will cherish it always."

Jerry takes the last box and places it on the table. I am about to scream as he takes his time untying the ribbon, and when he opens the box, he stares at it, not saying a word. Everyone is asking Jerry what is in the box, but he doesn't hear anyone. He looks up at me, then back to the box, then back to me. Everyone in the room stops talking when Jerry covers his face with his hands and cries.

Gut-wrenching sobs erupt from him. It's like the last twenty years of loneliness, and self-imposed isolation flows from him. I get up from my chair and wrap my arms around him. My chin rests on top of his head, and I just wrap my arms around the man that I love while he cries. No one knows what to do, and I just smile at them. Many minutes later, Jerry takes the pregnancy test out of the box and holds it up for everyone to see. The room erupts with cheers, and everyone is out of their seats hugging us. Evie is crying because she doesn't understand all of the excitement. Jerry is out of his seat and is kissing me like a starved man. The kiss goes on forever, and Evie is trying to squeeze in between us. Jerry reluctantly releases me from his death grip and picks up Evie. "Mommy is having a baby. How would you like a little brother or sister?"

The look on Evie's face is precious. "Mommy is having a baby?"

"Yes, squirt. Mommy and Daddy are having a baby. Are you excited?"

"Uh huh. I want a little sister. We can play games, and I can share my toys with her."

"You will be the best big sister ever. Whether we have a little boy or a little girl, you will be a big sister."

Jerry puts the test strip in his suit pocket, close to his heart. He places his hand over the pocket and says to me, "I am keeping this forever."

"Are you sure that's a good idea. I did pee on it, Jerry."

"I don't care. I am keeping it in a safe place."

The two moms immediately begin planning the wedding and the baby shower. Thank God I have them in my corner because the thought of planning a wedding while I am pregnant is nauseating. I'll leave it up to them.

By the time we finished helping Catherine clear off the dining room table, Evie is asleep on the sofa. When Jerry walks over to wake her, Catherine stops him. "Beverly and Evie are sleeping here tonight. Dad and I have another gift for you."

Catherine hands Jerry an envelope, and inside it is a reservation for the honeymoon suite at the Hyatt Hotel, which also includes a limousine to and from the hotel.

"Mom, Dad, this is so sweet of you to do this for us. I can't thank you enough."

"We should be thanking you, son," Steve says. "In one day we have a new daughter, a granddaughter, and another grandbaby on the way. Your mother and I are very proud of you Jerry, and we are beyond thrilled to welcome Joan, Evie, and Beverly to our family. We want the two of you to have a special honeymoon night without any distractions. Joe and Ben are outside waiting to escort you to the hotel, and the other two guys will cover our house."

*****

When we arrive at the hotel, Jerry carries me into the lobby and won't put me down. Everyone is looking at me, and I hide my face in the flowers. Jerry makes a big production of telling the clerk that we are Mr. and Mrs. Jeremy Miller. I don't think I've seen him this relaxed since I have known him. There are several people in the elevator, and Jerry has no choice but to put me down before we step inside. The other people in the elevator congratulate us on our wedding. I am still holding the bouquet which is a dead giveaway.

Steve and Catherine reserved the honeymoon suite for us. How they pulled this off in a few days is a mystery to me, but I am so very grateful, and I know my husband feels the same way. When we step into the room and turn on the light, my breath catches in my throat. There are several vases of flowers strewn around the room, and on the table by the window is a bottle of chilled apple juice and an assortment of finger foods. Catherine must have called the hotel to change the champagne to apple juice.

"Wow, my parents thought of everything. This room is gorgeous." Jerry says as he stands behind me. His arms wrap around my body, and a protective hand slides down to where our baby is nestled safely in my body. I place my hand over his and link our fingers together.

"Mom and Dad went overboard. This room must have cost a fortune."

"The one thing that you will learn quickly about my parents is that they are overly generous with the gifts."

"Well, this gift is very special to us."

"Yes, it is, because I get to spend the night alone with my wife and baby. I don't know what to say, honey. I was so out of my mind making love to you that I forgot about the possibility of you getting pregnant. You picked the perfect day to tell me. How long have you known?"

"I started feeling queasy two weeks ago. I thought it was because of what's been going on, but when I missed my period, I knew I was pregnant. I had to bite the inside of my mouth to keep myself from blurting it out before I was certain. Then, when you said we're getting married, I decided to wait until today to take the test."

We walk over to the seating area and sit down. I curl my legs under me, and Jerry wraps his arm around me. "This is nice," I say to him.

"Yes, it is. Quiet time like this is what I enjoy most at the end of the day. I have my wife in my arms, and that's all that I need. I always avoided going home early because the house was empty, and it was a constant reminder that my life was also empty. Now I run home at the end of the day because I know what awaits me. I can't begin to tell you how I feel when I walk in the front door and I see Evie run to me with her arms open, asking me to pick her up. Knowing that I get to sleep next to you for the next forty-plus years is a huge turn on. I love it when you wrap your body around mine in your sleep. Waking up to a Joan blanket is the best fucking thing ever."

I try hard to stifle a yawn, but it's impossible. I am exhausted and need to sleep. "Let's go to bed. I am so tired." I fail to notice the overnight bags until I practically trip over one. Catherine and my mom thought of everything. Jerry stares down at the floor and laughs. I pick up my bag and head towards the bathroom. Ten minutes later, I walk back to the bedroom wearing a beautiful lavender satin slip trimmed with white lace. My mother knows what I like, and she has excellent taste. Jerry is wearing black silk boxers. His very pronounced "V" and the trail of dark hair that goes to his happy place has me instantly aroused.

Jerry pulls back the cover, and I slide into satin sheets. The feeling of the cool sheets against my skin feels exquisite. Jerry moves closer to me and wraps his arm around my body. I feel his erection pressing into my back, and I have to say that I love him wearing silk shorts. Suddenly, I am no longer tired. I wiggle my ass against him, and I hear Jerry groan into my ear. His hips move as he rubs himself against me. I reach behind me and caress him through the silk. Jerry moans again.

"Damn, that feels good. Lift up your leg and wrap it around mine. I can't wait for another second to be in you...wife."

I do as he asks. Jerry's hand moves down my body and teases my clit. I put my hand over his and press two fingers into my body. I feel his cock probing me, teasing me, making me crazy with lust. He removes his fingers, and oh so slowly slides into me. Gone is the wild lover, and in his place is the tender husband. I am unaccustomed to Jerry taking it slow. His thrusts are shallow, with just the tip of his cock sliding in and out of me. If this is torture, it's the best form of torture because I feel my orgasm building quickly. When I try to push back to take all of him into my body, his hand stops me. "What are you doing?" Seriously, I am on the brink of an explosive orgasm, and I need him to move.

"I want you to take me into your body nice and slow baby. I've waited all day to make love to my wife, and we have all night. That's it baby, nice and slow, honey."

I close my eyes and take a few deep breaths. I want this to last more than thirty seconds. Jerry slides deeper into me and stops moving. "Why did you stop moving? Are you trying to torture me?"

Jerry laughs and kisses my neck. "It occurs to me that I've never taken the time to just be in you without moving. Your moist, hot, delicious pussy feels so good wrapped around my cock," he says as he starts thrusting into me. His hand slides under my slip and pinches my already tender nipple. I tense around him, and he groans in my ear.

"Do that again baby. Squeeze me."

I do as he asks and the pace quickens. Jerry's hand goes down between my legs, and he pinches my clit. That's all it takes for me to come, and in doing so, I take him with me. We lay connected for several minutes, and I feel him go soft in my body. I feel the loss when he gets out of bed and goes into the bathroom. When Jerry first did this for me, I felt uncomfortable, but now, I think of it as aftercare. Jerry returns to our bed with a washcloth and puts it between my legs. I sigh with pleasure at the warm contact with my sensitive lady parts. Jerry is a skilled lover, and the warmth soothes the aches.

"Feels good, doesn't it?" he asks as he places gentle kisses on the inside of my thigh.

"Yeah, it does, but the first time you did this for me, I felt uncomfortable."

"Really? You never said anything. Why did you feel uncomfortable?"

"Because of...Never mind. I don't want to talk about it."

"Oh no, baby. You opened the door, now spill it. Remember, no secrets!"

"I don't want to talk about him on my honeymoon. Shit, okay, I'll tell you. Roger never did this for me. After we had sex, he rolled over and went to sleep. I was never with anyone other than him, so I thought that was normal. You have shown me that it's not normal, and the first time you did this for me, I was so shocked and aroused."

"Honestly, I've never done this with another woman because I've always had sex with a condom. Seeing my cum leak out of you is the sexiest thing I've ever seen in my life, and wiping it away after I've come in you many times is a huge turn on."

He points to his cock. "See, I'm so hard I could put it through a wall."

"We can't have you hurting yourself," I say as I open my arms. "Get up here and make love to your wife."

"Yes, ma'am."
Chapter 16

Jerry

I feel someone shaking me. "Jerry, wake up. I feel sick!"

I am instantly awake, and when I look over to Joan's side of the bed, she is sitting on the edge of the bed with a trash can on her lap. I slide over and sit next to her. When she looks over at me, there are tears in her eyes. God, the look on her face stabs me like a knife. My arm goes around her and Joan rests her head on my shoulder.

"I'm scared Jerry. I don't want to do this today, but I have no choice. It's making me sick."

I tighten my hold on my wife. "It's just your nerves, sweetheart. You are not going through this alone. We must go to Manhattan today because until Roger gets it through his drug-addled brain that he will never set foot near my daughter, he won't stop. Until Clifford realizes that he cannot use his power to get what he wants, he will never stop. We have influential people coming with us. The system is not perfect, and that's why we need to make our voices heard honey. Evie is our priority now," I say as I put the palm of my hand over her stomach, "and so is this little peanut growing in your body. Our children need our protection, and we must do everything in our power to keep them safe."

Joan takes an audible breath, and I feel her relax. The trash can, however, stays on her lap. "Do you feel up to a cup of tea and dry toast? It will settle your stomach."

"No, not now because I know I won't keep it down. I just want you to hold me, Jerry. I need your strength."

"Get back into bed honey, but keep the trash can near your pillow. I don't want you vomiting all over me."

Joan laughs and shakes her head. "How is it that you can make me laugh when I feel like shit?"

"You love me and my dry sense of humor."

"Yes, I do love you, so very much."

Once I have Joan comfortable in bed, I lift my arm, and she curls her body around mine. "I have your back baby. Just relax and close your eyes."

"Your body feels so warm against mine. You make a perfect pillow."

"I am your perfect everything baby. Aren't you glad you married me?"

"Yes, I am. Hold me tighter Jerry. I feel cold."

My other arm goes around her, and I pull Joan as close to me as possible. It's still not enough, and she is still shaking. "Lay on top of me, honey. I'll keep you warm." The full body contact works and Joan finally stop shaking. If I could have her like this for the rest of my life, I would die a happy man. A few minutes later, her breathing calms, and Joan is asleep. I, however, am fully awake and seething mad. I have had more than enough of Roger and Clifford's interference in our lives. This shit stops today.

*****

I must have fallen asleep at some point last night because when I open my eyes, Joan is still on top of me, and she is kissing the side of my neck. I whisper to her, "This is how I like my wife to wake me in the morning. I have a soft body on top of mine, and this very sexy woman is kissing me. What more could a man ask for?" Since I've had Joan in my bed every night, I wake up every morning with an erection. Today is no different from every other day with the exception that she is squishing my cock, and it hurts like hell.

It surprises the hell out of me when Joan rises to her knees, and takes me into her body. The look in her eyes speaks for her. I surrender all power to my wife, and through hooded eyes, I watch the love of my life ride me slow and easy. I fight the urge to flip her over and drive my cock deep into her soft body. I am not stupid, and I know what Joan is doing. Certain aspects of our lives are not in our control at the moment, and my wife is taking control of my body, and I gladly let her, because I know she needs this from me. My hands caress her thighs, and I close my eyes and wait for the slow build of my orgasm. Slow and easy works for me.

The explosion of my release when it finally happens has my hands fisting the sheets as it went on forever. Joan clenches and pulses around me, and it feels so fucking good that I come again. That has never happened to me. Joan collapses on top of me, and my arms go around her. Words at this moment are meaningless. The connection that Joan and I have is what is important. We hold each other for several minutes, our bodies still intimately connected. "I want you to wake me up every morning like this baby. You take my breath away honey. I love you so much."

"I love you too. Stay close to me today, okay? I need your strength to get through this nightmare."

"I will, honey. As much as I hate to get out of bed, we need to be out of the house by seven." I squeeze Joan's ass and reluctantly pull out of her soft body.

The house is quiet as we go about getting ready to leave. It's five thirty in the morning, and Evie and Beverly are still sleeping. It doesn't take me long to get dressed, and while I wait for Joan, I go down to my office to retrieve the necessary paperwork to give to the mediator. I have the reports from Manhattan Hospital before the divorce, as well as both police reports from the most recent altercations with Roger. I also have Evie's medical files from both psychiatrists, evidencing her traumatized state of mind after the divorce, as well as Beverly's sworn testimony from the break-in. She is staying home to watch Evie and Kellie. At six-thirty, my parents arrive at our house. Joan is in the kitchen forcing down a piece of toast and a poached egg. My mother heads towards the kitchen, and my father sits with me.

"How is Joan holding up son? You look tired."

"Joan was a little sick last night because she fears seeing Roger today. She woke me up around one in the morning. I found her sitting on the edge of the bed with a trash can on her lap. I managed to calm her down, and we got a few hours sleep. Can you drive today? I'm too tired, and I don't want to cause an accident. We can take the SUV."

"Whatever you need son. Maybe the two of you can get an hour or two of sleep. Once today is over, we can relax."

"I wish it were that simple. I'm worried Dad. Clifford has a lot of influence. The not knowing is driving me crazy."

"I spoke to Judge DeMarco last night. He wanted to know what time to be here this morning. We talked about this, and he told me he filed a complaint with the State of New York. He had a copy of the complaint delivered to the mediator, and another copy was hand delivered to domestic services. They can't brush this under the carpet. He told me that Judge Randall has thirty days to respond. Whatever he tries to pull today, I don't think it will work."

"I hope you're right because if this goes south today, I already have a press release prepared and ready to release to every newspaper in New York State. I gave it to Chris Lucas to handle for me. I must protect my family."

"Can I tell you how happy I am to see you so fiercely protective of your girls. It does my heart good seeing you like this. For so long, you coasted through life. I rarely saw you display any emotions, and now, you are walking around growling and barking orders. I like it. I like it very much!"

I am temporarily taken aback by my father's assessment of my life. Sadly, much of what he has said is true, and I freely admit it. "I wish I could have seen this many years ago. I closed off those emotions, and I never knew anyone saw that in me. I tried hard to keep my personal life to myself."

"You failed miserably. Your mother and I worried about you for a long time. We argued about how you lived your life. Your mother wanted to smack you to wake you up, but I told her to let you live your life however you choose to. Parental interference has to end at some point, and knowing you, anything that we may have said would go in one ear and out the other."

"You know me too well, Dad, and you are correct in your assessment. I would have resented your interference, and the last thing that I would ever want to do is argue with you or Mom."

The doorbell rings, and when I get up to answer it, Joan and my mother walk out of the kitchen. I glance quickly at my wife and see that some of the color has returned to her beautiful face. She smiles timidly at me, and then I open the door. It's Chris and the judge.

"Come in, please. Would you like something to eat before we leave?"

My mother escorts both men into the kitchen, and a few minutes later, I smell eggs cooking. Suddenly hungry myself, I join them for a quick breakfast. As soon as I sit down, the doorbell rings again. This time Joan answers the door. I am up and out of my seat when I hear her crying. I run into the living room and find Mike holding Joan in his arms. I walk up to Mike and smack him on the back.

"Mike, it is so great to see you again."

He looks down at Joan who is still crying in his arms. "Did you think I'd let you go through this without me?"

"I don't know what to say," Joan says through the tears. "I am so happy to see you and thank you for supporting me. It means a lot to me, Mike."

"Aw, Joanie, no matter how much I irritate you, I love you and will always support you."

Mike hands me a manila envelope. "Add this to Roger's report. He has been very busy the past few weeks. Take a look at page four."

I open the envelope and what I see on page four is our ticket out of this nightmare. Roger raped his girlfriend, Beth Ann Cellini. Inside the envelope is a copy of the police report. Apparently, the two of them were involved in erotic asphyxiation. The situation got out of control. Drugs were involved, and he raped her. Her injuries were severe, and she spent a few days in the hospital. Roger claimed he did not remember hurting her. A tox screen found Oxycontin in his system. His blood alcohol level was .35. Daddy dearest tried to cover up the crime, but the Manhattan Police Department and the District Attorney's Office told the judge to shove his influence up his ass. Roger is facing serious jail time.

"Nice work, my friend. You just gave me the last nail in his coffin."

Ethan and Diane arrive as we finish eating, and ten minutes later, we are in our respective cars and on our way to New York. As soon as I shut the car door, Joan curls her body against mine. "Do you have everything?" she asks me.

"Yes. I went over everything this morning. Relax honey. Try to rest."

"That sounds like a good idea. Wake me when we get there. Love you."

"Love you too baby." I lean my head back against the seat of the car, and that's the last thing I remember until I feel someone tap my arm. It's Joan.

"Wake up honey. We're in the parking garage."

I blink a few times and run my hand down my face. "I passed out."

"Yeah, so did I. Dad just woke me."

"Do you feel better baby?"

"Yeah. I needed the sleep."

I lean in and kiss my beautiful wife. Taking her hand in mine, I say, "Time to kick ass!"

*****

We are escorted to a private conference room while we wait for the mediator. Thankfully, we are alone in the room. Chris uses this time to go over what will happen this morning.

"The mediator is not a judge. Usually, it is another lawyer who specializes in child custody cases. He will ask you questions, and I can only assume that Roger and his attorney have a file on you Jerry. You came out of left field, and they are not prepared to deal with you. You also have them at a disadvantage because they cannot intimidate Joan. When you are pissed off, you look mean as hell. Don't let them intimidate you. They will try to use anything in their arsenal to sway the mediator in their favor. What they don't know is that we have the investigator's report, and our little surprise, which we will spring on them later in the morning. That little surprise is in the works now."

"Thanks to Mike, we now have enough evidence to put Roger away for a long time. I was in contact with the Manhattan District Attorney's office, and I advised him of our intent, and he gave the go ahead. All we need now is the right moment, and this nightmare will end for Joan."

"Do you think it will work?" I ask Chris.

"Damn right it will work. I want everyone in this room to remember that Roger's attorney will try to discredit both Joan and Jerry. All of us need to remain calm and don't let them steamroll you. Speak succinctly, and remember that the truth is on our side. We have enough evidence to put this to rest today."
Chapter 17

Joan

I have an awful feeling that something bad is going to happen today. I can't shake the feeling and place a protective hand on my baby. As soon as we walk into the meeting room, I see Roger, his father, and their attorney. Roger stands and attempts to walk towards me. Jerry stands in front of me and acts as my human shield. The security team is not allowed in the room during the arbitration, and that makes me nervous. Clifford puts a restraining hand on Roger's arm and forces him back into his seat. There is no love lost between the two of them. It's only a matter of time before that relationship implodes.

After we take our seats, the arbitrator walks into the room and takes his seat at the end of the table. The court stenographer sits next to him. Jerry places a comforting hand on my leg, and I look over at him and smile.

"Good morning everyone. My name is Evan McDaniels. I would like to take a few minutes to explain the process of arbitration. The representatives of both parties have submitted documentation concerning the custody of Evelyn Randall. It is my job to disseminate the information and ask the appropriate questions. Legal representation for both sides is here today to record the events that will take place in this room. We are not in a court of law. I am an attorney who specializes in custody resolution. My ruling today has no bearing on whether the parties involved choose to resolve the issue of custody in a court of law. My job is to protect the safety and well-being of the minor child. The purpose of this meeting is to revisit the custody agreement between Joan Randall and Roger Randall for the minor child, Evelyn Randall."

"Miller," I blurt out. "My name is Joan Miller."

"Since when?" Roger screams at me.

I open the folder sitting on the table and take out a copy of our marriage license. The clerk takes the copy and gives it to Mr. McDaniels. To the stenographer, he says, "Please note that I have in my hand a copy of a marriage license between Joan Randall and Jeremy Miller, dated October twenty-fourth of this year."

Both Clifford and Roger are surprised by our marriage. Jerry was right. The element of surprise is on our side. I place my hand over his and give it a little squeeze.

"As I said earlier, the purpose of this meeting is to revisit the custody agreement. Mr. Randall has petitioned the court to change the custody agreement, and he is seeking joint custody of the minor child. Mrs. Miller, who is representing you today?"

"I am," Chris says. "My name is Chris Lucas, Assistant District Attorney, Philadelphia County."

Mr. McDaniels looks surprised. "It's rather unusual for a District Attorney to be involved in a custody hearing. What is your purpose here, Mr. Lucas."

"My purpose is to provide legal representation to Mrs. Miller."

"Could you be more specific Mr. Lucas. Why are you here today?"

Chris says. "The District Attorney's office believes that Mr. Randall is a detriment to the health and safety of Evelyn Randall. My initial meeting with Mrs. Miller was after Roger Randall attacked her in front of her home."

"Mrs. Miller, what provoked this attack?"

"Our divorce was acrimonious. I was awarded custody of my daughter and left the state to start a new life. I hadn't seen Roger in a year and a half. It shocked me seeing him sitting outside my house. His attack was unprovoked."

"Mr. Lucas, what was the outcome of the court trial?"

"The case never went to trial. Judge Randall exerted his influence within the judicial system, and instead of a trial, Mr. Randall was remanded to rehab for ninety days, and was ordered to serve community time."

"What was the name of the Judge involved in the case?"

"That would be me. Nicholas DeMarco. I was firmly asked to review the case, and I objected. The order came from higher up in the court system, and I did not have a choice in the matter. Therefore, I had no other option but to rule on the case to the best of my ability."

"Do you have a name, Judge DeMarco?"

"Unfortunately no, but I was made aware that Judge Randall exerted undue influence in that case. He did not want a court trial. I made it clear at the time that a sitting judge using undue influence to deny a victim her day in court is grounds for reprimand. I ruled in that case and hoped that Mr. Randall would seek the help that he needs. Apparently, that never happened."

Mr. McDaniel resumes reviewing the file. "Mr. Randall, I have a copy of an investigative report dating back several months. The report indicates that you have had more than your share of public intoxication, and having contact with known drug dealers. I also have a report from the Manhattan Police Department. You are accused of statutory rape. The complaint is filed by your girlfriend, Beth Ann Cellini, who states in the complaint that during the sexual act of erotic asphyxiation, she tried to push you off of her body and you raped her. A toxicology screen showed traces of Oxycontin in your system, and your blood alcohol level at the time of your arrest was .35. I also have evidence of severe bruising and several bite marks."

"Judge Randall, I also see a report that you once again tried to exert your influence to have this case dismissed. Have you not been cautioned several times about the legalities of using undue influence?"

The veins in Clifford's forehead are about to rupture. "I object!" he screams. "We are not here to put my son on trial. We are here today to discuss the custody agreement. My son has issues, and I am in the process of getting my son the help that he needs to fight his addiction. My wife and I will be responsible for taking care of our grand-daughter."

"Judge Randall. Please sit down. Everything discussed here today affects the minor child. The stability and mental capacity of Roger Randall are relevant."

"Mr. Randall, would you care to discuss your recent behavior?"

He points to me. "That bitch ruined my life! I had a successful career. She knew I was under a lot of pressure, and instead of helping me cope with the stress, all she did was bitch at me about the long hours I worked. She bitched to me about neglecting our daughter. What the fuck was I supposed to do? So what? I slapped her a few times. The bitch deserved it, and I'd do it again if I could. I only want to see my daughter."

"Beth Ann wanted everything that I gave to her. She loved having my hands around her neck. She begged me to slap and bite her. She especially loved sucking my cock. Do you want to see my bite marks and bruises? I've got plenty, and you don't see me complaining. She is just another bitch who is trying to fuck with my life. Bitch got what she deserved!"

There goes another nail in the coffin. I look over at Mike, and he has a cocky smirk on his face. I very discretely send him a text message.

Good job Mike. The asshole is nailing his coffin shut every time he opens his fucking mouth.

The guy is seriously mental.

You know it!

"Mr. Randall, I see a report dated August tenth stating that you broke into Mrs. Miller's former home and destroyed most of her personal property, as well as your daughter's toys."

"You can't pin that on me. I was in New York."

"Mr. Randall. Are you currently employed?"

"No, I am on a sabbatical."

"Do you have a stable residence?"

"I live with my parents."

"Mr. Randall, are you aware that your daughter is afraid of you?"

"She's confused, that's all. She'll get over her fear one she lives with us."

"Mr. Randall, I have a copy of Evelyn's medical file from two different child psychologists. Both say that Evelyn has been traumatized by the events that took place in your home before your divorce. Do you have an explanation?"

"No, I don't."

There goes another nail.

Jerry

Now it's my turn in the hot seat. I have nothing to hide.

"Mr. Miller. How long have you known your wife?"

"Joan and I first met when I was in college. I am best friends with her brother Mike. After her marriage, I lost contact with her until we met again in the hospital."

"I see in the file that Mrs. Miller is a pharmacist. Is that correct?"

"Yes, that is correct."

"And what is your relationship with the minor child?"

"I love Evie as if she were my child. It wasn't easy at the beginning of my relationship with Joan. Evie was afraid of everything, men especially. Joan told me what had happened and the events that led up to her divorce. It took a few months, and I was happy when Evie finally felt comfortable around me. Evie was on her way to being a happy child again, and all of the progress she had made during those months ended with the attack at her house. Evie withdrew again, and I was back to square one."

"Mr. Miller, I see that you are a Neurologist at the University of Pennsylvania Hospital. Is that correct?"

"Yes, that is correct."

"I also see that you have a reprimand in your file for operating on a patient against hospital policy. Who was the patient?"

"That would be me," Diane says.

"And your name is?"

"Diane Miller. Jerry is my brother-in-law."

"And he operated on you without the proper permission?"

"No," I hear Ethan say. "I asked my brother to perform the operation on my wife. She had a life-threatening head injury. Jerry was in the emergency room, and I gave him the proper authority, as Diane's husband, to perform the operation. I trust no one but my brother with the health and welfare of my wife and children."

"Yet you knew it was against hospital policy."

"Yes, I did, but at the time, my wife's life was in danger. It was the only option considering time was not on her side."

He looks at me again. "You took a big risk, Doctor Miller. Why?"

"Why? Why wouldn't I? Diane is my sister. I love her, and I love my brother. If operating meant that I lost hospital privileges, then I would have lived with the consequences. Diane almost died twice that day. If I had not been the one operating, I'm not confident that she would be here with us today. The child that she carries is their rainbow baby."

"When did Joan and the minor child move into your house."

The way he refers to Evie in the abstract pisses me off. "The minor child has a name, and I would appreciate it if you used her name, and not refer to Evie as the minor child."

Apparently stunned by my angry response, he clears his throat. "I am sorry Doctor Miller. When did Joan and Evelyn move into your home."

"My wife received flowers at work with a threatening note from Roger. You should have a copy of that in the file. I was worried about their safety. Roger already showed up at her house once and hurt my wife. I couldn't take the chance of that happening again, and after I had proposed to my wife, I asked her to move into my house. I wanted everyone, including my future mother-in-law, under the same roof with me."

"How did Evelyn react to her new environment?'

"Evelyn felt safe and loved. That's all that mattered to me."

"What was the nature of your relationship with Joan during this time?"

I know what the bastard is implying, and I take a deep breath because I am about to go off on the fucker. "What are you implying Mr. McDaniels?"

"I am asking did you expose Evelyn to adult situations that she is too young to understand."

I take a minute to absorb what he has just asked me. To imply that we fucked all over the house while Evelyn was in the house is not only irresponsible but fucking crude. My fist clenches under the table, and then I feel Joan squeeze my leg, hard. I look across the table and see Roger smirking at me. I remember what Chris said, and I refuse to let anything that I say or do jeopardize Joan's case. Therefore, I suck it up and answer calmly.

"Mr. McDaniels. Let me begin by saying that nothing in this world means more to me that my wife and step-daughter. I understand the meaning of your question, and I want to respond, however, to imply that Joan and I acted irresponsibly in front of Evie is simply not true. As with any adult relationship with children in the house, discretion, and respect for your partner and child are of the utmost importance. To insinuate that Joan and I would expose Evie to adult situations is reprehensible. My wife and I are expecting our first child, and when my kids are older, we will continue to act as we do now. Our children will know that their parents love them, and will always protect them, in and out of our home. I want our kids to see the loving relationship that their parents have with each other, and to know that we love them unconditionally. I grew up in a loving home with two wonderful parents, and I carry those values with me always. Does this answer your question?"

Again, he clears his throat. "Yes, thank you, Doctor Miller." He looks down at his notes again.

"Who is Mary Harrington?"

"I was engaged to be married twenty years ago. That never happened."

"She left you on the day of your wedding. Why did she leave you?"

"She made the decision not to get married."

"Why? Did you have an abusive relationship?"

My hand balls into a fist once again, and I am fighting to control my temper. Joan's hand is still on my leg, and she squeezes my hand hard. Her nails dig into my hand, and I focus on the pain rather than my anger.

"Mary discovered a week before our wedding that she had an inoperable brain tumor. She chose to leave me standing at the altar. I would have taken care of her and shared what time she had left. It was her decision not to get married, not mine."

Mr. Miller, who is Kevin Harrington Miller?"

"Um, I don't know anyone named Kevin Harrington Miller. Who is he?"

"According to this report, Kevin is your son. Did you abandon your child, Mr. Miller?"

I stare in disbelief at the son-of-a-bitch, then his words hit me hard. "What are you saying? I don't have a son. Who gave you this information?"

"Are you seriously saying you do not know you have a nineteen-year-old son living in California?"

"That's what I am saying. If I had a son, he would be in Philadelphia with me."

"Who is Charles Harrington?"

"He is Mary's father." It's at that moment that the pieces of the puzzle fit together. "Are you telling me that Charles kept my son from me for nineteen years?"

"Charles and Linda Harrington are the legal guardians for Kevin. I am sorry Mr. Miller. Had I known this information was not known to you, I would have handled the situation differently. I do apologize for how I relayed this information to you."

I feel like my head is about to explode. Thank God my parents are not in the room. Joan's eyes are wide with worry. I feel myself slipping back in time, and I don't want to go down that road with Joan. I was in a very dark place for many years, and the last thing that I need is to relive that again.

Joan

I can't believe what I've just heard. Jerry has a son that he's never known. My heart breaks for him. The death grip that he has on my leg is starting to hurt. I tap his hand a few times, and he looks at me surprised. His mind is somewhere else at the moment. I lean in and whisper to him. "Whatever it takes to find your son, we will do it together, and I will welcome him into our family. I have your back, honey. I love you."

Jerry slides his hand up my leg and caresses me softly. "God baby, I love you, and I need you."

Mr. McDaniels breaks our tender moment.

"Mrs. Miller. I am aware that the past few months have been very stressful for you and your daughter. I want to hear your thoughts on why custody should remain with you."

"In a nutshell, Roger is unstable. He is an addict, and I don't want my daughter in that toxic environment. Clifford has exerted undue influence twice now, and I want it to end. I don't care about his position. It angers me that he is using his position to circumvent the judicial process. I never had my day in court after Roger attacked me in front of my daughter. They don't care about my baby. They want to use my little girl as leverage for his political aspirations."

"Yes, Clifford, I heard about your plans to run for public office. You want to use my little girl as leverage and force Roger into therapy. You care about no one but yourself, and Roger, it's about time you got your head out of your ass and get the help that you need because your father won't get it for you."

"You will never know how sweet Evie is. You did a lot of damage, and it will take a long time for my daughter to feel safe. Jerry is an excellent father and a positive role model in her life. I want all of you to stay away from Evie and give her a chance to have a normal life. You claim to love her. Maybe you do, maybe you don't, but if you do, then do what is best for her. Leave her alone."

"I would like to say something," Clifford says. "I understand that my son has problems, and my wife and I are in the process of getting Roger the help that he needs. Maybe I did use my influence to help my son. I won't apologize for it because Roger has alienated my wife and me from our granddaughter. We have the resources to give Evie everything she needs. Joan, would you deny Evie from having the privileges that my money can buy? Are you so selfish and hateful that you would deny Evie knowing her grandparents?"

I am angry, and now it's Jerry's turn to squeeze my hand. "Clifford, your money comes with conditions. Your kind of love is controlling and manipulating. Do as I say because I have a façade to protect. Evie has grandparents who love her. My husband and I will provide for and love our daughter without your help. Your love is toxic. Take a look at your son, and see what your love has done to him. I am neither hateful nor selfish, and you know it's the truth. What I am is a wife and mother whose only desire is to keep my daughter away from you."

The tension in the room is overbearing. Clifford takes a few steps towards me. Jerry stands up and adopts a defensive position. Mr. McDaniels bangs his gavel on the table.

"Thank you, everyone, for taking the time to meet with me today." Mr. McDaniel says. "I will have my decision within the hour. If you would please go back to your waiting areas, I will have someone notify you when I have made my ruling."

*****

When we go back to our room, Jerry is eerily quiet. I know his mind is racing with everything he has heard today. How can I help him? I do the first thing that comes to mind. I sit on his lap and place his hand over our baby. His large palm glides over my stomach, and I feel him relaxing.

"I'm in shock, honey. Is it possible that I have a son? I have to know the truth."

"Whatever it takes Jerry, we will find the truth."

"If this is true, then my son was raised thinking I did not want him in my life. He probably hates me."

Chris sits next to me. "I sent an email to my office with what little information we know about Kevin. My staff is on top of the situation. Give me a few days to gather the information."

I shake my head, clearly humbled by his help. "Why are you helping us? I don't understand why you are so involved in our problems with Roger."

Chris' face morphed from caring to angry in a matter of seconds. "My sister had a similar problem with her ex-husband. No one was there to help her, and he beat her severely. Currently, she resides in an assisted living facility. Nicole is paralyzed and unable to care for herself. It's the reason why I work in the DA's office. I refuse to let that happen to another woman. I seriously doubt Joan's custody agreement will be amended. Roger's attitude today is ambivalent and at times antagonistic. No judge in his right mind will amend your custody agreement."

"Clifford will not stop until he gets what he wants. Roger agreed to the original custody agreement, and our moving out of state. I have the proper documentation signed and notarized. Our marital property was divided equitably. Roger was happy with his share of our estate. He kept the house and the Mercedes. I walked away with my share of the equity in the condo, the VW, and my jewelry. Now, two years later, he wants to wipe out everything and make my life miserable. How many times can he sue me for joint custody."

"Legally, he can sue you once a year. Once Evie is fourteen years old, she can legally make her wishes known, and the court is obligated to listen to her. We are aware of the truth, and I am confident that Mr. McDaniels will see what we have always known. Clifford's influence will have no bearing on this case. The fact that Judge DeMarco is sitting in the room with us is a powerful message. I have never heard of a sitting judge getting involved in a custody hearing. You are lucky to have him in your corner."

I reach out to hold Chris' hand. "We are also grateful to have you in our corner. I will never be able to adequately thank you for all that you have done for my family."

"It's my job, Joan."

"No, it's more than your job. You have a good heart, Chris. You are now one of the family."

"That's very kind of you, Joan. Thank you."

Jerry

The conference door opens, and in walks Plan B. A few minutes later, the clerk returns and asks us to follow her. Once everyone sits down, Mr. McDaniels enters the room and takes his seat at the end of the table. He opens a folder and takes a few minutes to review its contents.

"I find this case to be very disturbing. It is evident to me that Mr. Roger Randall has severe problems in his personal life that he needs to address. I also find it worrying that a sitting judge would interfere or exert undue influence in any case, whether it be criminal, civil or domestic. Judge Randall, I am well aware of who you called to expedite this matter before me today. You should know that I do not take kindly to outside interference in the judicial process. Your intervention goes against the oath of office that you swore to uphold at the time of your appointment. I have a copy of the complaint filed by Judge DeMarco, and I will add my thoughts regarding this issue."

"Mrs. Miller. You have proven to be a loving and caring mother to your daughter Evelyn. The witness testimony provided by your lawyer, Mr. Lucas, is very complimentary. Removing Evelyn Randall from her current environment, in my opinion, will be detrimental to her well-being, and now that you have re-married, Dr. Miller's influence proves that Evie is a happy child."

"Mr. Randall, your attitude today only shows you have no interest in your daughter's life, and if it weren't for your father, we would not be sitting here today. Your ambivalence and lack of caring for your little girl make my decision an easy one. The evidence in this matter only emphasizes the fact that you need professional help with the issues that continue to plague your life. Therefore, it is in the child's best interest to remain in the sole custody of her mother, Joan Miller."

Roger gets up out of his chair quickly, and his face is beet red with anger. "You can't do that. I have rights! I want to see my daughter. I don't give a shit what you rule today. I will not stop until I get my daughter."

Clifford grabs his arm, but Roger has reached his breaking point. "Get your fucking hands off me! I've done everything you have ever asked me to do, and what has it gotten me? A bitch of an ex-wife and a dictator for a father. What the fuck do you want from me?"

"I want you to shut your goddamn mouth and sit down." Clifford barks. "Haven't you embarrassed me enough by your reckless behavior? I am trying to help you, but you refuse to listen to me!"

"How are you fucking helping me? You let them throw me into a frigging hospital! I had a good life, and because of you and my shrill of an ex-wife, I've lost everything!"

"You did that to yourself. Why can't you see what is staring you in the face? Look at yourself in the mirror Roger. No one forced the drugs down your throat. Your mother and I expected great things from you. The only person that ruined your life is you. You are a drug addict, and I would not be surprised if you also have mental health issues. I don't know you anymore. Do you have any idea what this is doing to your mother?"

"Don't bring her into this. You want me out of the way because you want to be the next fucking Governor. I don't care about anything anymore. You are the one that forced me to proceed with this custody fight. Don't you think I already know I have problems? Your constant pressure doesn't help me. It's been like this since I was a kid. I never did things the right way. You always had to insert yourself into my life. Just once, I wanted to make a decision that was not influenced by you in some way. I married Joan because you could not tolerate being in the same room with her. For the first time in my life, I defied you, and I fucking loved it. I get a hard-on every time I piss you off. Why can't you leave me alone?"

"You will not cost me the election. I told you that one of the conditions of this custody fight was that you are to go back to rehab and stick with it this time. You will not embarrass me in public one more day. I am done covering up your mess. We will never get to see Evie. Are you happy now?'

"You know what? I am because you won't get your claws into her. Fuck you and everyone else."

*****

My eyes bounce back and forth as the argument continues. The amount of vitriol between the two of them is off the charts. This situation has been building for many years, and I am so happy that Evie will have no contact with this toxic family. As the argument continues, the U.S. Marshall enters the room. I see my guys standing behind him. Mr. McDaniels stands and bangs his gavel on the table.

"Everyone, please take your seats. Arguing serves no purpose."

Roger turns around to face Joan and me. His face has morphed into something unrecognizable. He points his finger at Joan and takes several steps towards her. I get up and place myself in front of her. Then, everything happens so quickly no one has time to react. Roger takes a gun out of his pocket, aims it at me, and pulls the trigger. I hear people screaming as I hit the floor. The pain in my chest burns like fire. I can't breathe.

"Jerry, Jerry, look at me, honey. Look at me."

I feel Joan pressing her hand on my chest. I hear my mother screaming. I see my father, Ethan, and Diane standing behind my wife. My wife...my beautiful wife. We haven't had enough time. I haven't had enough time. "Joan...Joan...Where are you?"

"I'm here honey. Help is on the way. Don't leave me, Jerry. I love you. Please, baby, open your eyes. Our children need their daddy!"

I remember what I said to Joan the day we were married. When my time comes, it will be her name that I whisper as I take my final breath. I look up into her beautiful blue eyes. "Joan...."

*****

It's very peaceful where I am now, and I feel no pain. Is this heaven? Am I dead, or in limbo? I look down at my chest, and I don't see the bullet wound. I don't see blood seeping through my jacket. I look around and realize that I am in a church. It's the same church where Mary left me. I walk over to one of the pews and sit down. Am I supposed to wait for someone to take me up to heaven? I don't know how long I sit here when I see someone walking towards me. A man in a white suit sits next to me.

"You are Jeremy Miller." It is a statement, not a question.

"Yes, I am. Where am I?"

"You are in limbo Jeremy, and you must make a decision. Will you come with me, or will you fight for your life."

"I am not ready to die. My wife is pregnant. I have so much to live for."

Suddenly, a white mist appears before my eyes, and I see my family. They are all crying. My father holds Joan in his arms. "Are they crying for me?"

"Yes, Jeremy. They cry for you."

"I want to go back. My family needs me."

"Yes, they do. We never truly escape our past. They need you. It is a real test for a man to step up and do the right thing. Do the right thing, Jeremy. Your life will change beyond measure."

"What am I supposed to do? Who needs me?"

"All will become clear in due time. Joan and your babies need you. You do not belong here, Jeremy."

I feel him touch my shoulder and the world goes dark.

*****

When I open my eyes, the first thing that I hear is the clicking and beeping of machines, and I thank God that I am alive. I raise my hand to my chest and feel the bandages and the pain. How long have I been here? I blink several times to clear the cobwebs from my eyes, and that's when I see my father sitting next to my bed.

"Joan," I croak out. My throat is on fire.

My dad stands up and leans over me, gently running his hand over my head. He bends down and kisses my forehead. Tears stain his rugged face, and his eyes are red-rimmed. "Joan is sleeping in one of the empty hospital rooms. Your mother is with her. Let me buzz for the nurse."

I have a hard time keeping my eyes open, so I closed them again and drift off. I am in and out of consciousness, but I can hear people coming in and out of my room. The next time I open my eyes, the room is dark, and I hear Joan's voice.

"Why won't he wake up Mom? It's been three days."

"Honey, the pain medication is keeping Jerry asleep, and that's normal. Dad checks his chart several times a day. Jerry will be okay sweetheart. The bullet damaged his rotator cuff, and the surgeon repaired it. It will take time, but he will have a full recovery."

"I was so scared that Jerry would die. Jerry's wound bled so badly I thought the bullet hit his heart. I don't know what I would do if I lost him. I love him so much, Mom."

"I know you love him, honey. Now that he has you, Evie, and a new baby, he has something to fight for."

"We have kept what happened from Evie, but she's asking when are we coming home. I don't see that happening for a few days."

"You cannot tell Evie the truth. She is too young to understand, and if she knew how Jerry was injured, it would traumatize the poor little girl."

"My mom told Evie that her daddy had a little accident and he hurt his shoulder. Once Jerry is awake and less groggy, I'll have him call her."

"That's a good idea. Hopefully, we will be home in a few days. Are you hungry honey?"

"Yeah, I am a little hungry. I haven't eaten all day."

"Go back to your room and lay down. I'll ask the nurse to have someone bring up dinner for you."

Darkness overtakes me once again.

*****

For the first time since this nightmare began, I am awake, and my pain threshold has reduced significantly. I buzz for the nurse, and a few seconds later, she walks into my room.

"How are you feeling today Mr. Miller.?"

"I am fine. Where is my wife?"

"Mrs. Miller and your parents are in the cafeteria eating breakfast."

"Oh, that's good. Speaking of food, can I get some? I'm starving."

"That can be arranged after I take your vitals and change the dressing on your shoulder."

"How does it look?" I ask her.

"It looks good. The incision is healing, and if you continue to recover as you are now, you can go home on Friday."

"What day is it now?" I have lost all concept of time.

"Today is Wednesday."

"Can you do me a favor and hand me the phone. I need to call my daughter."

After the nurse changes my bandages, she hands me the phone and leaves the room. "I will have someone bring up breakfast for you."

"Thank you. What is your name?"

"My name is Jessica."

"Thank you, Jessica."

Once Jessica leaves my room, I call home. Beverly answers the phone.

"Hi, Beverly."

"Oh my god, Jerry. I am so worried about you. Are you okay? Is Joan okay? I wish I could be there with you."

"I am okay Beverly. I need you there to take care of my baby. Where is Evie?"

"Evie and Kellie are in the family room watching cartoons. It's the only way to keep her calm."

"Has she wet the bed again?"

"No, and that's only because Kellie sleeps with her. The two of them are as thick as thieves. Kellie keeps Evie calm. Hold on a minute, and I'll get them for you."

I fight to keep my eyes open. I need to speak to the doctor about reducing the pain meds. My head feels like it's floating off my body. I hate feeling this way.

I hear Evie scream into the phone. "Daddy, Daddy! I miss you. Are you still hurt?"

"Hey, squirt! Daddy is okay sweetheart. I hurt my shoulder, and the doctor had to fix it for me. Mommy and I should be home in a few days."

"Are you sure you are okay? I miss you and Mommy. Where is Mommy?"

"I am okay sweetheart. Mommy is eating breakfast with Granny and Gramps. When they come up to my room, I'll have Mommy call you. Can I speak to Kellie?"

"Okay." I hear the phone pass to Kellie.

"Uncle Jerry. Are Mommy and Daddy still there with you?"

"I think so. I've been sleeping a lot. Is everything okay at the house."

"Yeah. Evie and I have fun together after school. Uncle Joe and Uncle Mike take us to school and pick us up at the end of the day. They are super cool!"

"That's good Kellie belly. Be good for Beverly, and we will be home in a few days."

"I am always a good girl, Uncle Jerry."

"Yes, you are always good, sweetheart. Love you."

"Love you, Uncle Jerry. Can you ask Daddy to call me? I miss Mommy and Daddy."

"I'll tell them, honey. Your parents miss you too."

Exhaustion overtakes me again, and I close my eyes.

*****

I feel soft lips brush against mine, and when I open my eyes, I see my wife's beautiful face. Tears well in my eyes because I remember my last thought before I lost consciousness. "Hi, beautiful wife," I whisper to her.

"Hi, handsome husband." She whispers back to me.

Words fail me, and all that I can do is reach out and touch my wife. I need to feel her next to me. I need to reaffirm that I am alive. Very carefully, Joan climbs into bed with me and lays her head on my uninjured shoulder. Her arm wraps around my body, and it's at that moment that I can finally relax. Moments later, my parents, Ethan, and Diane walk into my room. Emotions so strong surge up within me, and it takes my breath away. I love all of them with every fiber of my being. I never realized just how much I loved my family until I was forced to face my mortality. It's a sobering thought when you dwell on it. If the bullet struck a little to the left, I would be dead. My dad walks over to my bed and checks my chart. Everyone else follows him, and they are all standing rigidly at the foot of my bed. They look like frozen statues and a laugh bubbles up and out of me.

"Jesus, you look like frozen statues. Get over here and tell me what happened."

My dad relays the story to me. "After Roger had shot you, the Marshall and our guys tackled him to the ground, and a few minutes after that, the police and the EMT's arrived. Roger looked like he was insane. He was babbling and talking to himself. The cops cuffed and Mirandized him and hauled his ass to jail. Clifford was about to have a heart attack. The bullet shattered your clavicle and slightly damaged the superior transverse scapular ligament. You have several pins holding together the clavicle bone. The scapula will heal on its own as long as you keep the shoulder immobile for several weeks. It will be a long recovery."

"Chris and Judge DeMarco are at the hotel down the street. Ethan and Diane are going home this morning. Diane has a doctor's appointment tomorrow, and I told them that it's okay for them to go home."

My parents look like they are about to collapse. "The two of you should go back to the hotel. Get some sleep and come back to visit me later in the day. I need a little time alone with Joan."

"Not a bad idea. We haven't had much sleep the past few days."

"Sorry, Dad."

My father's eyes flash with anger. "Why the hell should you be sorry? You protected your wife and child, which is what any decent man would do."

Words escape me, so I say nothing to my father. My eyes meet his, and a silent communication passes between us. His eyes fill with tears, and he turns away from me. My mother leans down, kisses me, and whispers in my ear, "I would die if I ever lost you, my darling son. I love you so very much." One last kiss from my father and they leave my room. Ethan and Diane are still standing at the foot of the bed. "Get over here and give me a kiss goodbye. Take your wife home, Ethan. Diane looks exhausted."

Ethan walks over to my side of the bed and stares down at me for several seconds. What the hell is he thinking? Before I can say anything, he bends down and kisses me on the lips. "Payback's a bitch brother! Don't fucking scare me like that ever again. Do you understand me?"

"Yes," I croak out. My throat just closed up. Diane kisses me, and I see tears in her eyes. I look over at Ethan, and his eyes blaze with love. "Call Dad when you get home."

Ethan nods his head, and they leave my room. Diane turns around to take one last look at me and blows me a kiss. Joan has a death grip on the sheet that covers me, and I see her hand shaking. Finally, she lets the tears flow. I cry with her when I think about never seeing her beautiful face again, or the birth of my child. Several minutes later, I let out a deep breath and closed my eyes. My head is spinning, and my stomach is rolling. The pain that I feel knowing my son grew up without me is something that I have never felt in my entire life. A little boy grew up without a father. I cannot fathom what would have happened if my dad was not in my life. I will not rest until I find my son.

*****

"You had an out of body vision? Who are you supposed to help?"

"I don't know her name, but I do know he was talking about Kevin. I can't rest until he knows the truth. I would expect him to hate me. What if I find him and he hates me? How could her parents do something so terrible to a child? I'm trying hard to wrap this around my brain. Our conversation was so detailed that I can't dismiss it as a delusional vision. The conversation was real, honey. I feel it in my bones."

Joan tightens her arm around me and kisses my neck. The familiar tingling sensation grips me, and all I can do is laugh.

"What's so funny?"

"I am lying here in a hospital bed, full of drugs and in pain, and I'm getting hard because you kissed my neck!"

"Don't joke with me, Jerry. I almost lost you, and I never want to feel that way again. I love you, and the thought of living my life without you is unimaginable. I've thought of nothing else these past three days."

"I'm not going anywhere, baby. You're stuck with me for at least fifty years."

"I want you longer than that Jerry. When you were on the floor looking up at me, I felt you slipping away from me, and when you said my name and closed your eyes, I thought about our wedding day. I remembered what you had said to me, and I prayed so hard that this would not be the last time that I saw your beautiful eyes. When you whispered my name...I...I"

Joan stops speaking and burst into tears. Gut-wrenching sobs fill the room. One of the nurses happens to walk past my door and looks inside when she hears Joan's crying. She is kind enough to close the door. I hold my wife for a long time as she cries on my shoulder. I could not do or say anything to ease the pain. I hold her until there are no more tears to shed. She falls asleep holding me close to her, and I close my eyes and fall asleep with her next to me.
Chapter 18

Jerry

Mike finally decides to pay me a visit. I know my friend. Hospitals and anything blood related make him puke, so I am not surprised that he waited until the day I am released to visit me. The look on Mike's face when he walks into my room is intense. He walks over to the bed and sits next to me. I am struggling to put on my pants.

"Do you need help getting dressed?" he asks me.

"Yeah, I need help with my socks and shoes. I can't tie the laces."

Mike kneels in front of me and helps me to put on my shoes. I am going home today, and I couldn't be happier. Getting dressed takes a lot of effort, but I am unable to put on my shirt. I look ridiculous wearing pants and a hospital gown, but until I can take the harness off my shoulder, there's not much I can do about it. When Mike looks up at me, there are tears in his eyes. He sits in the seat next to my bed.

"Jerry, I...I don't know what to say. You saved Joan's life. I stood there and watched you take a bullet for my sister. I have been trying to come to terms with what happened, and I can't absorb any of it, and for as long as I live, I will be grateful that you spared my family immense grief."

"I spared myself immense grief, Mike. Joan is my life, my future, and without her in it, I have no life. If taking a bullet is what is needed to get Roger out of her life, I'd do it again in a heartbeat. My pain will go away. If I lost my wife, I would never survive her loss."

"I called my mother this morning. Evie can't wait for the two of you to come home. Mom said that Kellie has kept Evie occupied. She misses her daddy."

"I miss her too, Mike. When I think about how that day could have ended, I want to throw up. All I want to do is go home and get on with my life. Have you seen Joan this morning?"

"Yeah, I saw her a couple of minutes ago. She is sleeping, and your mother and father are with her. You have a great family, Jerry. I always liked your parents, and now, I think I love them because they love Joan. I have to leave in a few minutes. I have to be at the airport at eleven."

"Thank you for what you did Mike. The investigative report sealed Roger's fate. No judge in his right mind will grant him joint custody. He has bigger problems than messing with Joan's life."

"He is in jail now, and that's where he belongs."

Mike stands up and shakes my hand. "Take care of yourself, Jerry. Go home and take as much time as you need to heal and rest. I'll call you next week."

"Thanks again Mike. Have a safe trip home."

*****

While I wait for the discharge papers, I have a visit from Chris.

"Wow," Chris says. "You look much better than you did a few days ago."

"Thanks. I feel alright as long as I don't move my arm. This harness is uncomfortable."

"Well, the good news is that you're going home. Um, listen, I have an update for you about Kevin."

I tense at just hearing his name. My heart is thumping in my ears. "What is it?" I hesitantly ask.

"Kevin is a student at Temple. How insane is this? Your son is within driving distance. What do you want me to do?"

"Don't do anything. I need to speak to Kevin's grandparents. I want to know why they kept my son from me. If I weren't injured, I'd fly to California."

"Do you want me to do that for you? I can't represent myself as being affiliated with the DA's office, but I can go as your friend."

"I appreciate that Chris, but I need time to absorb the facts, and I also need time for my shoulder to heal. When the time is right, I will contact my son."

"Well, if you need me, you know where I am. Joan invited me to dinner next Sunday, so I'll see you then. The Judge and I are heading back to Philly this afternoon. Um, one more thing. I spoke to the police about Roger. Currently, he is undergoing a psychiatric evaluation as well as drug testing. Judge Randall is already barking that his son was not sane when he pulled the trigger. They are working on an insanity defense. At some point in time, you will be back in Manhattan testifying for the prosecution. When that happens, I'll be with you."

"What happens if the jury rules that Roger was insane when he shot me. Will he still get jail time?"

"When defendants plead not guilty because of insanity, they are asserting an affirmative defense, that is, they admit that they committed a criminal act, but seek to excuse their behavior because of mental illness that satisfies the definition of legal insanity. People who are adjudged to have been insane at the time they committed a crime are neither legally nor morally guilty. Defendants found not guilty because of insanity are rarely set free. Instead, the prisoner goes to a mental health institution. They may remain confined for a longer timeframe than had they been found guilty and sentenced to a term in prison. States may compel defendants adjudged insane to stay in a mental health institution until they convince a judge that they are no longer legally insane."

"So, a guilty ruling would put him away for a long time."

"Yes. This defense is not a get out of jail free card. If the case takes this route, the prosecution and defense's expert psychiatrists agree on whether the defendant is legally insane, and as I said before, Roger will serve time, most likely in a mental health facility."

"As long as he stays away from my wife, I don't give a fuck where they put him."

"The likelihood of Roger getting less than twenty years is slim. The crime is premeditated. Roger has a history of violence and drug abuse. Everything that has happened in the past two years is admissible in court. The defense will argue mental illness, and that may be a slippery slope. Again, premeditation. Roger got in his car and drove through two states to get to Joan. He carried a gun into a public building, knowing he would not be searched or go through scanning. The arbitration meeting should have never taken place in that type of surrounding. I'm sure The Department of Child Services is rethinking their security protocols."

"Judge Randall has resigned from the bench. The story is in every newspaper and the pressure for him to resign, given his interference, was overwhelming. As the police officers were dragging him out of the room, he kept screaming that Joan made him do it. It's her fault. I don't think Joan heard a word he said because she was so focused on you."

"Damn, Chris. All I want to do is go home and put this nightmare behind us. Joan hasn't had a minute's peace since August. I don't want the stress of what happened to me to jeopardize our baby."

"Your wife is a lioness. She was barking orders at everyone, and hounded the nurses and doctors."

I laugh at his assessment. "That's my girl," I tell him.

"Yes, she is, and you are one lucky son-of-a-bitch." Chris extends his hand to me. "Have a safe trip home, and I'll see you next weekend."

"Thanks, Chris, for everything."

*****

Joan is all over me like a mother hen after I sign the discharge papers. Dad helps me into the SUV, and Mom wraps a blanket around my legs. I feel like a child again, being cared for by my parents when I am sick. What I am now is relieved to get the fuck out of New York. I miss my home, and I miss my daughter. Joan climbs in next to me, lifts the blanket, and snuggles up against my body. My arm goes around her body, and her hand rests on my leg. Before I fall asleep, I ask Joan to call Evie. She puts the call on speaker. Beverly answers the phone.

"Hi, Mom. We are on our way home now. Where is Evie?"

"Mom?"

"Well, you are my mother-in-law. Do you have a problem with me calling you Mom?" I hear Joan laughing at me.

"Um, no. You just caught me by surprise. Hold on a minute. I'll get Evie."

A few seconds later, I hear my baby's voice.

"Daddy, are you coming home now?"

"Yes, squirt. Mommy and Daddy are on the way home now."

"Does your arm still hurt?"

"Yes, it does sweetheart. It will hurt for a little while, but Daddy will be okay."

"Are you sure?"

"I am, Evie. We will be home by dinner time."

"Can I draw a picture for you?"

"I would love that sweetheart. Draw something pretty for me. Can you draw some flowers?"

"That's easy Daddy. I can do that. Where is Mommy?"

"I'm here baby," Joan says. "Are you being a good girl for Granny?'

"Yes, Mommy. I always do what Daddy says."

"You are a very good girl Evie."

"Daddy?"

"Yes, sweetheart."

"I love you. I love you, Mommy."

"We love you, baby."

*****

By the end of the day, I am once again in the comfort of our home. Joan helps me undress and take a very awkward shower. I am sitting on a shower chair, and Joan is washing my body, taking extra care not to get my shoulder wet. If I weren't so goddamn tired, I would laugh. Nothing about this situation is funny. It's the culmination of months of tension. I'd take a bullet any day to keep my family safe. Joan knows this, and while she tries to keep a smile on her face, I know this has also affected her emotionally. At one time in her life, she loved Roger. They had a child together, and I know she wouldn't want this kind of life for him. It's a sad ending to a promising life and career, all because of the influence of one man. Well, I hope Clifford has many sleepless nights thinking about how many lives have been affected by his rigid standards.

After Joan pats me down with a warm towel, I drag my body into our bedroom and sigh in relief when I see several pillows propped up on my side of the bed. I carefully get myself into bed and in a position that will not put pressure on my shoulder. More pillows are placed under my arm to ease the pressure on my shoulder. Today is the best that I've felt all week, but I know once therapy starts, I will have moderate to significant pain.

"Are you comfortable?" Joan asks me.

"Very comfortable and clean. Thanks honey for the sponge bath. I rather like having you wash my body."

"We can do it again once you've recovered."

"Are you flirting with me?"

"Not flirting, just putting it out there."

"How do you feel honey?"

"I feel okay. The morning sickness is kicking my ass. It was worse this week because of the stress. I needed an IV because I felt a little dehydrated, and Mom made sure I had the proper medical care."

"How do you feel now? When is your next doctor's appointment?"

"I feel better now that we are home. I have an appointment with my doctor in two weeks. Do you think it's over now? What will happen to Roger?"

"He's going to jail, honey. There is no way he will not serve jail time. Chris told me that his lawyer is working on an insanity defense. Roger needs help, and the best place for him is in a psychiatric facility."

"As long as he stays away from us, I don't care where they put him. I want Roger out of my life."

"Chris is confident he will serve at least twenty years for premeditated murder. Roger had a gun with him for a reason."

"That reason was me," Joan says with sadness. "He wanted to shoot me, but you protected me. Oh god, Jerry. You protected me with your body, with your life."

"I would do it again honey because, without you, I have no life. I love you, Joan. I never realized how much until I was looking up at your beautiful face and thinking I was about to die."

"I have a surprise for you. Life was so hectic when we were in New York, and I wanted to wait until we were home to tell you."

Joan gets out of bed and walks over to the closet. Her purse is on the floor, and she reaches in for an envelope. She walks over to me and sits on the edge of the bed.

"What's in the envelope?" I ask her.

"The doctor who gave me the IV fluids said that my morning sickness is severe, and as a precaution, he wanted to perform an ultrasound to make sure the baby is okay."

"Is the baby okay? Do we have anything to worry about?" My head is about to explode, and then I see Joan smile at me. What the hell is going on?

"Do you want to see a picture of the baby?"

"Hell yes. Show it to me now." I stare down at the picture and frown. "Where is the baby? I don't see the baby."

"The baby is still tiny, but the doctor showed me where to look."

Joan points to an image, Oh, that's the baby? "Wow, the baby is so small." Then, she points to another image.

"And that is baby number two."

I feel like all of the air in my lungs has just been sucked out of my body. My mind flashes back to my vision of the church. He said Joan and your babies need you. I thought he was talking about the baby and Evie. I break out in a sweat, and my hand starts to shake as I hold the picture.

"What's wrong Jerry. You just turned an awful shade of gray. Are you sick?"

"This can't be true, but I know it is. When I saw the vision, the last thing the man said to me is that Joan and your babies need you. I thought he was talking about the baby and Evie. I never imagined it was possible for us to have twins. Oh god, two babies."

"Are you happy?"

"I want to hug you so much right now. I want to make love to you and say all of the things that I've been holding in this week. I can't do any of that because of my shoulder."

"You can tell me what you've been holding in all week."

"I thought I was going to die. The pain in my chest was terrible. I couldn't tell where the bullet hit me. It felt like it was my chest. All I thought about is that we didn't have enough time. I wanted more time with you and Evie, but if this was my time to leave you, I wanted your face to be the last thing that I saw, and I wanted your name on my lips when I left this earth. I meant what I said on our wedding day."

"When I woke up in the hospital, the first thing that I did was feel for the bandages. The amount of relief that I felt when I realized it was my shoulder constricted my chest. I was alive. That's all that mattered to me. I was alive, and I had more time with you. Now you tell me we are having two babies. I find out that I also have a son. I went from being single to having four children in less than a year. No man could be luckier than me. I cherish every minute with you and Evie. This time next year, I will have all of my children under this roof."

"I won't rest easy until I have my son in my life. Chris told me that Kevin is a student at Temple. He is so close, and yet so far away from me. I can't fly to California to confront Mary's parents, but I will call him. He has a lot to explain. I am determined to make this right for him. I want Kevin to know that I did not abandon him. I want him to know me, and my family."

"I think you should go to California. Give it a few months and see how you feel. Ask Dad to go with you. You need a face to face meeting. You need to see his reaction when you show up at his door. Now, I want you to close your eyes and get some rest. We can revisit this in two months."

Just as I am about to close my eyes, I hear a faint knock on our bedroom door.

"Daddy, can I come in?" Joan gets up and opens the door. Evie runs into the room, and Joan stops her from jumping onto the bed.

"Be careful sweetheart. Daddy's arm still hurts."

"Can I sleep with you, Daddy. I missed you."

"Only if you are careful and you don't touch my arm."

"I'll be real careful Daddy."

Evie climbs into bed with Joan and me, and she curls her little body against my good arm. I fall asleep with my daughter and wife next to me, and the picture of my babies in my hand. Life is good.
Chapter 19

Jerry

Two months later

It's amazing how quickly life went back to normal. I no longer have to worry about looking over my shoulder every time I leave the house. I went back to work two weeks after I came home from New York. Therapy is very painful, and I have limited range of motion, but I am improving daily. I have to be patient, which is not easy for me. My surgical career is on hold for the immediate future. We no longer need the security detail, and a few weeks ago, we had a party for everyone. Evie is very excited about the babies, and every night before she goes to sleep, she climbs into bed with us and touches Joan's burgeoning belly.

Chris has become a close friend to us, and I will never forget how he helped me. Chris also keeps us informed about Roger's case. We heard last week that Roger pleaded guilty to attempted murder, and the sentence is twenty-five years, in a psychiatric facility, with no chance of parole. I hope Evie never asks what happened to Roger.

Today Joan had another ultrasound, and the babies are growing and thriving. I can finally see my babies, and it's an incredible sight. Joan and I made the decision to wait until the children are born to know the sex. I've started making plans for the nursery, but with my shoulder still being out of commission, my dad and a few of his cop friends volunteered to help with the painting and furniture.

*****

Do you ever have the feeling that the ground you walk on is tilting on its axis? I've had that feeling since New York. I want to fly out to California, but Joan needs me now, and I must put her needs before mine. I haven't had my son in my life for almost twenty years. A few more months won't make any difference in his life, or mine. After I walk Joan to the pharmacy, I head up to my office. When I walk into my office, my secretary looks nervous. She keeps glancing at the young man sitting in the waiting room. Jackie grabs my arm and drags me into my office.

"What's wrong with you, Jackie? Give me a minute to take off my coat!"

"Um, you have a visitor waiting for you in the waiting area."

"Who is it, and why do you look like you are about to pass out."

"Jerry, um, I have something to tell you, and you need to sit down."

"What is it, Jackie? You're making me nervous."

"The young man waiting to see you said that he is your son."

"My son? What is his name?"

"He said his name is Kevin Harrington Miller."

I can't move, I can't breathe. Can this be true? How can this be true? How did he find me? "Tell him to wait a few minutes. I need a few minutes."

Once Jackie leaves my office, I sit at my desk and try to stop my hands from shaking. The magnitude of the situation takes my breath away. I pick up the phone and call my wife. "I need you in my office as soon as possible!"

"What is it? What's wrong?"

"Kevin is sitting in my waiting room. I can't breathe, Joan. I need you, please."

"I'm coming up now. Don't see Kevin without me."

I need to think. I can't think. My heart feels like it's in my throat. Knowing my son is out there in the world, and having him sitting in my office, are two very different realities. I am not prepared to see him, but how can I turn my son away? He found me, and as incredible as that is to me, I need to see him now. Joan walks into my office, and I immediately relax. The last few months have brought Joan and me closer together if that's even possible. I think we have become a carbon copy of Ethan and Diane. However, I will never admit that to his face. I open my arms and Joan walks into my embrace.

"Are you nervous?" she asks me.

"Incredibly nervous and off the charts excited. Kevin found me, which means what? Does he want a relationship? Does he want to bust my balls for abandoning him? I don't know how to react!"

"Let him speak to you. Let him get out what he wants to say, and then you can respond accordingly."

"When you say it that way, it sounds so simple, doesn't it?'"

"Yes, it is."

I buzz the intercom. "Jackie, send him in please."

"Yes, doctor."

My office door is still open, and when I see this young man walk into my office, he takes one look at me and staggers a bit. I walk around my desk and grab his arm. "Why don't you sit down. I think we have a lot to discuss. Would you like a bottle of water?"

"Um, yes. That would be a good idea. I feel a little dizzy."

I take a bottle of water out of the refrigerator, hand it to Kevin, and sit next to him. Joan sits to his left. "This is my wife, Joan."

"Hello, ma'am. Pleased to meet you."

"It's nice to meet you too," Joan says.

His hands shake as he tries to unscrew the cap. "Sorry, I'm a little nervous. It's not every day you meet the man you thought was dead."

"Who told you I died?"

"My grandparents. I always believed my parents died at the same time. My grandfather told me you and my mom passed away in a car accident a few weeks after I had been born. Obviously, that was a lie, in more ways than one."

Staggered by what he just told me, I get up and pace the room. Fury rages through me. I look over to Joan, and she gives me a reassuring smile. "Well, of course, I'm not dead. How did you find me?" Kevin looks nervous, and I can see that he is filtering what he wants to share with me.

"Before I say anything, I want you to know that my grandparents took good care of me. My grandmother died ten years ago, and my grandfather died two months ago. I am a freshman at Temple. After the funeral, I flew back to Philly and left our housekeeper, Teresa, in the house. Two weeks later, I flew back to California to deal with the estate. My grandparent's attorney Michael Montgomery came to the house to discuss the will. My grandfather left most of the estate to my aunt. Then, he asked to go over the provisions for Mary."

"At first, I didn't understand what he was asking of me. I asked him who Mary is, and I almost had a heart attack when he told me that Mary is my mother. He said that my mom is alive and living in a nursing home. I did not believe him. He told me that a trust fund was set up for Mary's perpetual care, and he suggested that I become her legal guardian. Why would my grandparents tell me that my parents died? Why would they do this to me? I stayed in California for two weeks, sorting through a house full of bad memories. When I went up into the attic, I found a steamer trunk with my mother's name on it, hidden behind other boxes. When I opened the trunk, a short lifetime of memories stared back at me. I sat up there for an entire day and devoured every school report card, yearbook, birthday cards, pictures, everything. It was like they took her life, compartmentalized it into a large box, and hit it from the world. The book of Keats poetry caught my eye, and that's when I found the letter."

"After I read the letter, I knew I had to find you. It wasn't difficult because there were dozens of letters addressed to Mary from you. Love letters. I read all of them and knew that you loved her deeply. It wasn't difficult finding you, and the irony of it all was that I was already living in the city."

Kevin hands me a book of Keats poetry and a letter, oddly, addressed to me. My hands shake as I hold the items in my hand. I remember giving this book to Mary on our first anniversary. "I'm almost afraid to read the letter."

"You need to read the letter," Kevin said with a tortured look on his face.

"Have you read it?" I ask him, almost afraid to hear the answer.

"Yeah, and I am angry and sad at the same time! After I had found them, I confronted my aunt, and she refused to speak to me. She said, 'what is in the past needs to remain in the past. Your grandparents took good care of you. Why stir up trouble?'"

"We had a huge argument, and since that day, our relationship hasn't been the same. How can I accept that my life has been a lie? How can I live with the knowledge that they kept me from you? I don't know what to do! Can you read the letter now? I need for you to read it."

With shaky hands, I open the envelope. After all these years, the familiar scent of jasmine seeps into my memory. Joan gets up and sits next to me, placing a comforting hand on my leg.

My darling Jerry,

If you are reading this letter, then life as I know it no longer exists. I want to apologize for what happened on the day of our wedding. I couldn't do that to you, my love. I couldn't face the possibility of being an invalid, and what that would mean for your life and career. We had so many plans for the future, and all of them were taken away from me when I found out I have a brain tumor. I was angry with my parents for keeping you away from me, but I also felt relieved that you would not have to see me deteriorate into sickness. I want my memories of you and our life together to be happy, not filled with illness and death.

My doctors had a plan for chemotherapy and radiation in the hopes of shrinking the tumor, and a few days before my first treatment, we discovered that I was pregnant. The thought of carrying our child filled me with such joy it felt like my heart would explode. I worried about carrying my precious baby and what that would mean for my treatment. I chose my baby over my health, and as a result, the tumor grew. As our baby grew in my body, I suffered from terrible headaches, and eventually became bedridden. My doctor made the decision to induce labor at thirty-two weeks because he fears I will die before I deliver.

I have no choice but to agree to the surgery. I have no other option now. I have to risk the surgery because of Kevin. I want him to know his mother. I write this letter to you with shaky hands and pray that you will forgive me. If the surgery takes my life, or if I become incapacitated and unable to take care of myself, always remember that I love you. I do love you with every fiber of my being. Please forgive me.

All my love

Mary

Tears run unchecked down my face, and I do nothing to stop them. I have a son. I have a nineteen-year-old son, and I am so angry that I missed every birthday, every holiday, every significant moment in his life because of Charles and Linda's selfishness. Why did they keep my son from me? Emotions so raw and intense grip me. I want to grab Kevin and hold him in my arms. I have a son, and I will never know the joy of watching him mature into the young man he is today. Judging by the look on his grief-stricken face, he feels the same emotions that I do.

"It wasn't difficult finding you. I already knew you are a doctor. My mom's letters gave me the clues to find you. It gave me a sense of peace knowing that as soon as I returned to Philly, I would find you, and well, here I am. I'm sorry to just spring this on you, but I couldn't wait another minute to see you. My scholarship pays for everything, and I won't have to worry about finances for the next four years."

"My nephew is also a freshman at Temple. Do you know Joseph Miller?"

"Joey? Is he your nephew? Yes, I know him. We run into each other at the library. Wow, I have a cousin."

"You have over a dozen cousins." A look of sadness washes over Kevin's face, and I suddenly realize that he is also hurting. Knowing he was lied to can't be easy to accept.

"There was another letter in the book, but I don't have it with me. Mary was afraid that the surgery would leave her incapacitated. She did not want you to feel obligated to take care of her should that happen. She specifically instructed her family to tell you that she had died. Some part of me understands why my grandparents lied to me, but another part of me is angry that they kept this a secret. What did they think I would do? My parents are alive, and it's taken me nineteen years to know you. I confronted my Aunt after the reading of the will, and the only thing she will tell me is that they did what they thought was right at the time. How does that justify lying to me? How does that justify keeping my father in the dark for nineteen years? I can't forgive her. What do we do now, Jerry?"

"First, we need to establish paternity. How do you feel about a DNA test?"

"Can we do it today?"

"Sure, we can do it now."

"Okay. I don't know how to act, or what to say to you."

"Let's take it one day at a time. Just know that I am thrilled you came to see me. As a matter of fact, I can say that this is one of the best days of my life."

"Really? You're not mad at me for disrupting your life?"

"How can I be mad at you when you did nothing wrong? I am furious with Charles and Linda, and one day soon, I will confront Helen. What they did to the two of us is unforgivable."

"It is so hard accepting the deception."

"I'm sure it is, but that's over now. Come with me, and I'll get the test started."

Ten minutes later, with swabs in hand, Craig Jenkins shakes my hand as he leaves my office. He agreed to speed up my request and promised to have the results in a few hours.

"How long will it take?"

"It should take a few hours, but I already know you are my son."

"How can you tell for sure?"

I walk him over to my bookcase and point to the picture of me with my parents at my graduation from college. Kevin's eyes widen in surprise, and then he looks at me. "Wow, I look just like you."

Pride swells my heart. "Yes, you do. The test is just a legal formality. Welcome to our family, Kevin." I open my arms, and I am surprised when my son walks into my awaiting arms. His body shakes against mine, and I know he is crying. I run my hand up and down his back, and then I hear him whisper to me, "Can I call you Dad?"

"I would like that very much, son." I buzz the intercom and ask Jackie to cancel my appointments for today and tomorrow.

"So, what do we do now?" Kevin asks me.

"Well, first we need the results of the DNA test, and then I need to speak to my parents."

"When can I meet your family?"

"Let's take it one step at a time. I still have to tell my parents that you found me. Give it a few days, okay?"

"I don't want to force myself on your family, and I didn't come here to make you or them uncomfortable. I only wanted to meet my father."

"Do you have any idea how good that sounds to me? I have to be honest with you Kevin. I found out a few months ago that I had a son. My wife was fighting her ex-husband over custody of our daughter Evie. His lawyer had me investigated, and during the arbitration meeting, I learned the truth. That same day, her ex-husband shot me in the shoulder. I've been recovering and in therapy for the past two months. I was going to find you. I was determined to find you. A friend of mine who works for the District Attorney's office was kind enough to find you for me. I debated many times just showing up at your door, or stalking you at school. Neither of those was good ideas."

I walk back to my desk for a piece of paper. "Give me your cell phone number and email address, and I'll give you mine. Do you mind if I take your picture? When I tell my parents this incredible story, they'll think I'm nuts without proof." I ask Joan to take a picture of Kevin and me, and I am amazed at how much he looks like me.

Jackie stares at me as the three of us leave my office, and I smile at her. Pleased that I have not freaked out, she goes back to work. Joan and I walk Kevin out to his car, and we exchange man hugs. "I will call you tonight after I speak to my parents. I want to be honest with you Kevin. I am infuriated and have every intention of flying out to California to talk to your aunt. They had no right keeping you from me, and they know it."

Kevin sighs and rubs the back of his neck. "I knew this might happen, and I am okay with it. I also want to hear what she has to say. Will you tell me the truth, no matter how difficult it is for me to hear?"

"Why don't you come with me?"

"No, I can't do that. You need to see my Aunt without me. I can't face her now. You're not the only one who is angry. All I ask is that you tell me the truth, no matter how hard it is for me to hear. Can you call me after you speak to your parents? I'd like to know if they will accept me into their family."

"Are you kidding me? My mother will be all over you once she knows where you live. Are you ready for that?"

"Yeah, I'm more than ready. I've thought a lot about this over the past few weeks. If I'm honest, it's all I've thought about, and now that I am going to college in the city, it's been more challenging knowing all of you are so close and yet so far from me. I couldn't take it anymore, and that's why I came to see you today."

"You made the right decision Kevin."

"I have a class in an hour. Will you call me later?"

"Yes, I will call you." I give him one last hug, and stand in the parking lot and watch my son drive away from me. I reach for my wife and hold her in my arms. "This is incredible! Did you see how much my son looks like me?"

"Yes, I did," Joan says." Our family is expanding rather quickly. In less than a year, we will have four children."

"Four children," I repeat. "Doesn't that sound fantastic? A year ago, my life was an empty shell, and now I am about to have twins, my son found me, and I want to adopt Evie. I already spoke to Chris about this. I have no legal rights as Evie's step-father. I can't make medical decisions for her, and I don't want to have to carry around written permission from you to pick up my daughter from school. I want Evie to have my name. It's important to me."

"It's important to me also Jerry. Evie loves you, and in her heart, you are her Daddy. Have Chris prepare the paperwork to get the adoption started."

"Now I have to tell my parents that Kevin found me. Don't suppose you want to come with me?"

"Nope. I can't take off today. You're on your own."

"Traitor!" I say with amusement. It's time to shock the shit out of my parents.
Chapter 20

Jerry

I have about an hour to figure out how I am going to tell my parents that I have a son. Hey Dad, guess what, I have a nineteen-year-old son! Or, hello Mom, how would you like one more grandson? No matter how I tell them, it will be a shock, to say the least. My anger simmers below the surface of my out of control emotions. They kept my son from me! When I park outside my parent's house, I see both cars, and I am relieved that I will only have to say this once. I let myself in, and my mother is surprised to see me, then she frowns.

"What are you doing here at eleven in the morning? What's wrong? Something is wrong. Steve, get in here. Something is wrong with Jerry!"

I try to laugh but fail miserably. When my father walks out of the kitchen, he takes one look at me and frowns. "Sit down and explain what's wrong Jerry. I can see it written all over your face."

I sit on the sofa and rest my elbows on my knees. I run both hands through my hair and then I cry like a fucking baby. I'm not emotional by nature, so the fact that I'm crying sets off all sorts of alarms. My mother kneels in front of me, runs her hands over my hair, and kisses my forehead.

"Oh, honey, what's wrong? You know you can talk to us about anything. What is it, Jerry? Are you sick? Did something happen to Joan?"

"I had a visitor this morning." I hand the letter to my mother and watch the expression on her face as the words sink in. Tears run down her face as she gives the letter to my father. I then tell my parents about the custody hearing and how I've known about Kevin for the past few months and never told them.

"I needed to recover from the shooting, and honestly, I did not want to face this until my shoulder healed. I am sorry that I did not tell you sooner." My mother understands why I kept this to myself, however, my father is furious. He gets up and leaves the room, and then I hear his coffee mug crash against the kitchen wall. A few seconds later, the kitchen door slams as he leaves the house. My mother gets up from her kneeling position and sits next to me. I reach out to hold her hand. "Is Dad in the garage?"

"Yes. That's where your father goes when he is angry. I should go talk to him."

"I'll come with you."

*****

When I open the garage door, the first thing I hear is my father crying. I only remember one other time when I witnessed my dad crying, and that was when my grandmother died. Hearing him cry now is sobering, and puts a lot of things into perspective. The sudden appearance of my son will disrupt our lives as we deal with the circumstances behind his absence from our lives.

I walk across the floor to the workbench where my father sits with his head in the crook of his arm. I can't look at him, but I also can't turn away from his suffering. I reach out to place a comforting hand on my father's shoulder, and he launches himself at me. Gut-wrenching sobs escape from him, and my stomach twists into a ball of nerves. My mother stands next to me, and the three of us hold each other. I try hard to understand his reaction to what I've just said. Something is not right, but I am too afraid to ask. My mother interrupted my thoughts when she says, "Tell him, Steve."

Tell me what? I think to myself. His reaction has nothing to do with my son.

"I can't Catherine. You tell him."

When my mother looks up at me, her eyes reflect sorrow so profound I want to weep. Whatever it is, it's serious.

"When you were eight months old, Dad and I discovered that I was pregnant with twins. It was a high-risk pregnancy, and I had to stay in bed. I had an accident that caused me to lose our daughters. Your father and I had a rough time getting past the sorrow, and our marriage suffered. With therapy, we got past the grief, but we never forgot our daughters. Then we had Ethan. We moved past our sorrow, but deep down, it's always with us."

My father looks up at me. "Mary's parents denied you the joy of raising your son. I know what it feels like to lose a child. I am so angry with them I want to hit something. You have a child that never knew you. My God, he thought you were dead! How can I accept this, Jerry? How can I look at Kevin and not feel angry at what he has also lost? Nineteen years without a father! This obstruction of your parental rights has to be illegal. What can we do?"

"I think it's a little late for legalities, Dad. What I want to do now is know my son. What I want to do is get on a plane to California and confront Helen. I have questions, and I will not leave until she answers every fucking question!"

"I want to go with you."

"That might be a good idea. You can keep me from beating the fucking shit out of a woman. Come back into the house, Dad. It's cold out here."

My father wraps an arm around my waist, and my mother holds my hand. I feel like a little kid again. It never ceases to amaze me how much I love my parents. I want my son to feel that way about me, but I know it will take time, and I worry that we will never have a close bond. I'll take what I can get, as long as I get to see my son. When we get back into the house, I show them Kevin's picture.

My mom holds the phone close to her heart. "Oh, Kevin is so beautiful, and he looks like you at that age." Dad is equally affected by the picture and hugs me. I spend a few hours at my parent's house, and I am much calmer than I was this morning. As I am getting ready to leave, I have one last thing to say to them. "Kevin was distraught today. He is worried that you will not accept him. He wants to meet his family. If you want to see him, let me know when, and we can meet somewhere."

My Dad says to me as he hugs me again. "Kevin is a Miller, and he is my grandson. I only ask that we have the opportunity to meet him as soon as possible."

I take my phone out of my pocket and call my son. If I say 'son' a million times, it will never sink in. I have a son. Kevin answers on the second ring.

"Hi, how are you?"

"Much better now that I've talked to my parents. They want to meet you."

"Really? I'd like that. Is tomorrow too soon?"

I say to my parents, "Kevin wants to meet you tomorrow." The look on my father's face calms me. I know that whatever happens after today, my son will be loved by his grandparents. My mom nods her head yes.

"They can't wait to meet you. We can meet at my house. Do you have classes tomorrow?"

"Yes. My last class ends at three. I can be at your house by four. Is that okay?"

"That's fine. You can relax Kevin. Everything will be okay. Hold on a minute. I just received a message from the hospital."

I have a text message from Craig. You owe me, friend. DNA test confirmed. Congratulations Dad!

I get back on the phone with Kevin. "Congratulations Kevin. You have an instant family. The DNA test confirms what we already know. How do you feel?"

The line is silent for a few seconds, and then I hear Kevin clear his throat. His voice is shaky when he says, "I feel relieved. I have to go to my next class. I'll see you tomorrow."

"I think he was crying," I say to my father. My legs feel like jelly, and I have to sit down before I fall.

My father pats my leg. "I am sure this is an emotional time for him. Imagine how you would feel knowing your grandparents lied to you for your entire life. Imagine how Kevin feels knowing his parents are alive and well. It has to be a shock to him."

"It's also a shock for me. I was just telling Joan that this time next year, I'll have four children."

Dad pats my back. "Your life has changed so much I hardly recognize you."

"Really? Am I that different now?"

"Yes, you are. The most significant change is that you no longer live at the hospital. You smile more, and you are definitely more relaxed and happy. You almost act like your brother."

Okay. I love my brother, but any suggestion that I am like my love-sick sappy ass brother is unacceptable. The look on my face has my mother laughing at me.

"You don't like me saying you act like your brother, do you?"

"No, I don't, and if you say anything to him, I will never hear the end of it! He still hates me for kissing him at the Eagles game."

My Dad laughs again. "I almost pissed myself laughing. The look on his face was hilarious. I think he is still washing his lips with soap and water."

I suddenly feel exhausted. "Joan is still at work. Do you mind if I crash for an hour or two? I have a pounding headache. I am having a difficult time accepting the deception. Nineteen years of deception, when I was only a phone call away."

"Go upstairs and take a nap. I'll send Joan a text."

"Thanks, Mom. I love you."

"Love you too honey."

That's the last thing I remember until I woke up the next morning. When I roll over to look at the clock, I am surprised to see that it's six in the morning. I've slept fourteen hours, and when I reach over to hold Joan, I realize that I am not in my bed. Damn, I slept through the night at my parent's house.

I cannot remember the last time I've slept fourteen hours, and if it weren't for the fact that I did not eat dinner the night before, I'd probably still be sleeping. I pick up my phone and call Joan.

"Hi, honey. How are you? Mom sent me a text to let me know you crashed at their house and she didn't want to wake you."

"I only intended to sleep for an hour or two. I wish Mom would have awakened me."

"I told her not to wake you. Are you just waking up?"

"Yeah. I can't remember when I slept for fourteen hours."

"You apparently needed to rest."

"I slept, but it wasn't the same without you crawling up my back. When I woke up this morning, I reached over for you, and you weren't there. It felt like a part of me was missing."

"Oh, Jerry, I love you so much."

"I love you too baby. I'll be home soon. I smell food cooking, and I am starving."

"Okay. I'll get Evie up, dressed and fed."

"I'll eat here and take a shower. It will save time when I get home. I want to take Evie to school."

*****

My stomach needs food, now. I'm still wearing yesterday's clothes. Another first for me. I raid my father's closet for clean clothes and take a shower. When I look at myself in the mirror, I have to laugh. Is this what I will look like in twenty-five years? Nothing fits properly, and the pair of boxers that I swiped from his drawer are strangling my balls.

In the kitchen, my mother is busy making breakfast, and my father is reading the paper. I stand in the doorway watching them, and a sense of calm overtakes me. I've witnessed this scene thousands of times during my life. My parents are the glue that holds our family together. My father looks up and sees me standing in the doorway.

"It's about time you woke up. I was about to break out the stethoscope to confirm that you still had a pulse." And then my dad looks at what I am wearing and shakes his head. "You look ridiculous, but at least you're clean. My sweatpants are riding up your ass."

"Yes," I say dryly, "and so are your boxers. I'm afraid to sit down."

My mom turns to face me and says, "Oh for heaven's sake Jerry. Go commando! Your father does when he wears sweatpants."

My eyebrows hit my hairline, "Jesus Mom, I am not going commando! These sweatpants are already tight. I do have a little dignity!"

"Well, it's up to you if you want blue balls!"

My dad spits out the coffee he has in his mouth, sits back, and laughs like a hyena. He looks at me and says, "I love your mother. Tell it like it is honey."

Changing the subject, I ask, "What's for breakfast?"

"What would you like?" my mom asks over her shoulder.

"As long as it's food, I don't care what you feed me. I'm starving!"

"What time do you want us at your house this afternoon?"

"Any time after two is good. Kevin's last class is at three."

I drive home after breakfast to change clothes. I have about thirty minutes alone with Joan before she leaves for work. I'm anxious, nervous, and happy, all at the same time. Another first for me. Several people have said that I can be distant, and that statement is true. I learned a long time ago to hide my emotions, and the by-product of that is people think that I am not a sociable person. Nothing could be further from the truth, but once you have the façade, especially in a work environment, it sticks with you. My wife understands me better than anyone, and when I feel myself withdrawing, she stops me.

"Take a deep breath, Jerry. Everything will be okay."

"Will it? We've been through so much this past year, and I don't know how much more I can take. The constant roller coaster of emotions is draining me, honey. I only want us to have a little peace. Is that too much to ask for?"

"No, it's not, and I understand how you feel honey, but look at it this way. From the beginning of our relationship, we have had ups and downs but look at us now. We're married, Evie is finally happy, and we are expecting twins. Life threw us curve balls, but we dodged them, and we are stronger because of them."

"The best thing ever is finding Kevin. He's had a sad life. I can see it in his eyes. He needs us, honey. He needs a family that will always love him, and not keep secrets from him. Whatever happens in the next few weeks, we will get through it, because our love grows stronger every day, and our babies grow stronger every day. We have a good life ahead of us. Roger is no longer in my life, and that means Clifford will leave me alone."

"I'm a little afraid to go to California. Mary is still alive. Where is she? More importantly, what is her quality of life? I need to know the answers, but I'm also afraid to hear the answers."

"Do you still love Mary?"

"No. That part of my life died many years ago. Do I still care about her? Yes, because she is the mother of my son, and if Mary is hidden away somewhere to rot in a lonely room, well, I can't accept that, and I will do something because Kevin needs to know his mother. I won't know anything until I face the past. I want you to come with me, but I don't want you traveling while you're pregnant. I will ask Dad to go with me."

"Do you remember when I said that the both of us have baggage that we bring into our relationship?"

"Yes, I remember."

"This is one of those times when we hold on to each other and know with certainty that this is where we belong. I belong to you Jerry, and you belong to me. Everything else will work itself out the way it's supposed to. We have an extra bedroom, and if you want Kevin to live with us, it's okay with me. What's one more kid in the house? I think Evie will love having an older brother."

"I thought I knew how I felt about you, but I was so wrong. When I think I could not love you more than I do now, I am wrong. My heart is so full of love, I have no words to tell you how I feel about you. You own my heart, and for as long as I live, I will always love you and our children."

"That's what I want to hear Jerry. As long as we love each other, we will get through anything."

I pull Joan closer to me and wrap my arms around her. Her baby bump is nestled between us and I lower my hand and caress my babies. We stand like this for several minutes, just holding each other. Evie runs into the living room and squeezes between us. "Can I get a hug too Daddy before I go to school."

Joan steps back, and I bend down to pick up my daughter. My shoulder protests, but I don't care. "You can have a hug anytime you want one squirt!"

Evie wraps her arms around my neck and kisses my cheek. "I like having you for my Daddy. I tell the kids at school that I have the best Daddy in the whole world."

"The best Daddy?"

"Yeah, the best Daddy."

Joan and I look at each other and understanding pass between us. I get it. I finally get it. It's time to tell Evie about Kevin. "How would you feel about having a big brother?"

"A big brother? Where did he come from?"

"A long time ago, Daddy loved someone, and she had a baby. She got sick, and her Mom and Dad took care of the baby, but they never told me. Yesterday, my son found me, and he is coming here this afternoon to meet Granny and Gramps."

"Why didn't they tell you, Daddy? That's a bad thing to do."

"I don't know honey. What I do know is that Kevin needs to have us for his family."

"I would like to have a big brother. Do you think he will like me?"

"I know he will love you, Evie."

"Is he sad that he didn't have a Daddy?"

"Yeah. I think Kevin is a little sad about not having a Daddy."

"We will make him happy because you are the best Daddy, and I always wanted a brother. I can't wait to meet my brother."

"I am sure he can't wait to meet you too, honey. Go get your coat, and I'll take you to school."

"Yeah!" Evie yells as she runs upstairs for her coat.

Joan and I look at each other and laugh. I give her a kiss goodbye, a pat on the ass, and send her off to work.
Chapter 21

Jerry

It's now two in the afternoon, and I call my mother. "Are you coming over soon?"

"Yes. Your father is in the attic digging up baby pictures of you to show Kevin. He is so excited about meeting Kevin. I hope this meeting doesn't backfire. I don't want Kevin to feel uncomfortable around us."

"Mom, no matter what we say or do, Kevin will feel uncomfortable. Let's just get through the initial meeting and see how it goes."

"You're right. We'll see you within the hour."

While I wait for my son, I call Jackie. "I need you to reschedule all of my appointments. I have family business that I need to attend to, and I will be in California next week."

"Does this have something to do with the young man you met yesterday?"

"I can't talk about it now, Jackie. As soon as I can, I will fill you in on what's happening. Now is not the time."

"Understood Jerry. Can I wish you good luck?"

I laugh at her. "Yes, I need all the luck that I can get. Thanks, Jackie. If any of my patients need immediate care, refer them to Craig Jenkins."

"Yes, Doctor."

After I end the call with Jackie, I grab my laptop and book a flight to California for my father and me. Our flight leaves Monday morning.

*****

"Dad, please stop pacing. You're making me nervous."

"Since when are you nervous about anything?" my father asks with dry sarcasm.

"Since yesterday morning. Are you happy knowing my calm façade is about to crumble around my feet?"

"You've got this Jerry. Watching you this past year has been an experience. Your mother and I have watched your transformation, and finding Kevin is the last piece of the puzzle. Can you picture this house with three small children in it?"

"Joan and I were just talking about that. I want Kevin to live with us, but I don't know if I should bring it up with him. Joan said that there is sadness in his eyes, and that makes me angry. I am so sick of avoiding my feelings, and if I want my son in my life, which I do, I need to stop the bullshit and face what I have been avoiding for what feels like forever. And now after twenty years, the Harrington's are still messing not only with my life, but Mary's life, and the life of my son."

"I am so angry, so incredibly angry that they kept my son from me. It was bad enough losing Mary. I also lost my son. They denied me twenty years of birthdays, holidays, and every other significant event in his young life. Why did they do this to us? I would have taken care of and loved my son from day one. I need to know what happened to Mary. Is she sick? Is she disabled? Did they hide her away like a dirty little secret because she was no longer perfect? I have to know Dad, or it will drive me crazy. My son deserves the truth. I'm going to California next week to confront Helen. Dad, I want you to go with me. I can't do this alone."

"Whatever you need son. I'll be there with you."

My mother sits next to me and holds my hand. "When we lost the girls, I felt so much guilt it nearly strangled me. Your father wouldn't touch me. He wouldn't even sleep in the same bed with me. It was the worst time in our marriage, and I honestly thought he would divorce me. I couldn't eat, I couldn't sleep. I couldn't take care of you. I shut down my emotions and wallowed in my grief. My depression went on for a few months, and then one day, your father got into bed with me, opened his arms, and when I touched him for the first time in what felt like forever, we cried together and shared our grief."

"You never had that Jerry. As much as we tried to help you, you internalized your pain and carried it around with you like a ball and chain around your ankle. You always were the quiet one son, and we thought that with time, you would move on with your life, but you didn't. You put on a good front, but you could not fool your parents."

"I tried hard to keep that part of my life to myself, but apparently, I can't fool my family." I get up and pace the room. I don't want to have this discussion, but my parents have backed me into a corner, and it's time to face the past. I have only shared this with Joan. I've fucked up big time, and now I have to come clean. I turn to face them.

"I knew something was wrong a week before the wedding. Mary grew distant, and she wouldn't let me touch her. She blamed it on wedding nerves, but I felt it was something else. I have been asking myself for twenty years why I didn't talk to her about it then. Why did she believe that I would not take care of her? For Christ's sake, she was sick. The woman that I loved was critically ill, and she felt she couldn't share this with me! How do you think this makes me feel? I feel like shit, and I can't get past it. She waited until our wedding day to break my heart. I wasn't with her when she needed me the most."

It surprises me that after so many years, I still have so much bottled up emotions where Mary is concerned. I fall to my knees and twenty years of grief pours out of me. I thought I purged myself of these feelings a long time ago, but I guess seeing Kevin, and knowing what I've lost with him hit a nerve. I am so wrapped up in my grief that I don't see my father walk towards the door. I cover my face with my hands and let it all out. "I never got the chance to say goodbye. I never got the opportunity to hold Mary in my arms one last time. I never got the opportunity to tell her I loved her. Charles took that away from me."

"And now I find out that Mary is alive and in a nursing home. Why did they feel they could not tell me? What's worse is that for twenty years, I thought Mary had died. They took so much from me. I have a son, and I'll never know the joy of watching him grow. I'll never have baseball games, birthdays, father-son talks. I missed all of that, and there is no way to get it back. He's an adult now, and he doesn't need me."

"I'll always need you Dad. That's why I'm here. I need my father in my life. They also took you from me. I never had those things with my grandparents, and my life feels like an empty shell."

I look up at my son with such an overwhelming sense of pride that it takes my breath away. I wipe my face with my shirt, stand, and walk over to my son. I open my arms to him and embrace my future. No one in the room speaks as I rest my forehead on my son's shoulder and cry. I feel like a pussy weeping all over my son, but I can't help it. My parents surround us and wrap comforting arms around us. We stand like this for several minutes, and then my father breaks the tension when he said, "Well, aren't we a sad bunch of people. Today is a happy day because I have another grandson. Let me look at you, Kevin."

My father places both hands on Kevin's face and stares at him for a long time. I am still trying to get a grip on my fucking tears when I hear my dad say, "Your grandmother and I are so happy you found us, Kevin. Welcome to our family. I want you to know that you are always welcome in our home. You're one of us now. Are you ready to be a part of our family?"

"More than ready. What should I call you?"

"Well, I was hoping for Gramps."

Smiling, Kevin said, "I'd like that, Gramps."

My mother pushes my father out of the way. "It's my turn, old man. Let me hug my grandson."

Kevin takes after me and is tall for his age. My mother looks up at him with tears in her eyes. She gently runs her fingertips along the side of his face. "You are so beautiful Kevin, and you look like your father. I am so happy that you found us. Give your Granny a kiss and a hug."

Watching my son hold my mother is a sight that will stay with me for a very long time. Several minutes later, we sit down and get to know my son. My father raided the attic and brought down every goddamn picture of me as a child. Kevin is amazed at the resemblance. "It's like looking at myself as a child."

My dad hands him all of the photo albums. "Take these home with you. I want you to know your father."

Kevin nods his head yes, apparently overwhelmed by the warm welcome my parents have shown him. The remainder of the day passes quickly. Beverly picks up Evie from school, and when she comes into the house, she looks at Kevin, then at me. "Daddy, is that Kevin?"

"Yes, it's Kevin, honey."

Evie walks over to the sofa and stands in front of Kevin. "You look like my Daddy. My name is Evie. Daddy said you are my new brother. I always wanted a brother."

Kevin lifts her onto his lap. "And I always wanted a sister."

"We have the best Daddy in the whole world."

Kevin looks up at me and smiles. I am so engrossed in Evie's conversation that I fail to see she's not afraid of Kevin. While I wait for Joan to get home, I start dinner. I hear laughter coming from the living room, and then I feel Joan's arms wrap around me. Her soft body molds itself against my back. I turn around and kiss the air out of her lungs. When we finally come up for air, Joan is breathless and a little flushed.

"Wow, that was some hello! I assume you had a good day. I didn't hear from you, and I was starting to worry."

"It was a little intense. My parents forced me to face issues that I thought I had buried. They backed me into a corner, and I feel like I am finally free from the past. Having Kevin here with me today closes that door. I made reservations for Monday morning. Dad and I are going to California."

"I want to go with you."

"I know. I want you with me, but Evie is in school, and I don't want to disrupt her life with both of us being out of the house. Did you see her laughing and having fun with Kevin? She walked up to him, introduced herself, and she wasn't afraid."

"Really? That's fantastic news."

"Yeah. The best news ever!"

When we sit down to eat dinner, I sit in my usual seat at the head of the table. An odd feeling seeps into me as I look at everyone. From this day forward, this table will be full of children. I picture in my mind two high chairs at the other end of the table. I see Kevin sharing many meals with us, and if I have my way, he will be living with us. When my parents go home, Joan takes Evie upstairs and gets her settled into bed, and I clear the table. Kevin helps me. "Why don't you stay the night. It's late, and I don't want you to go home."

"I'd like that. Today was an emotional day for me. You have a beautiful family. Evie is so excited to have a brother, and Joan is very kind to me. I like your mom and dad. They are so different from my grandparents."

"How are they different?"

"My grandparents were not demonstrative, especially with me. It always felt like there was a cloud of sadness in their house. They took care of my needs, but emotionally, they were distant. I always felt it, and never knew the reason why. Now I know the reason why, and I'm angry and hurt that they lied to me. Intellectually, I don't understand why they felt the need to keep you a secret. Emotionally, a little boy needed his father, and I never had you in my life."

"How did you feel when you found the letter?"

"I was excited and also scared. What if you didn't want me in your life? Was this the reason why they kept me? Did my grandparents tell you about me, and you didn't want me? I had no way of knowing any of this. My Aunt couldn't stop me from finding you, and the day I left to go back to school was a tough one. My Aunt refused to drive me to the airport, and before I left, I asked her one more time why they kept all of this a secret. She said again that it was best to leave it alone and go on with my life. She has enough money to take care of Mary, and I don't need the burden of taking care of her."

"Her attitude is so insensitive and cold-hearted. How can she speak that way about her sister? I have a right to know everything. I didn't ask for any of this, but now that I am aware my mother is alive, I have to do what is right for her. God, just saying that makes me so fucking angry!"

"Well, I'm flying to California on Monday, and my father is coming with me. I need him to keep me from losing my temper when I see Helen. Do you think she is keeping secrets from you?"

"Yes, I do. I called my Aunt last night to tell her that I found you, and she said I am stirring up trouble, and hung up on me. I know she is keeping something from me. Something is not right. I feel it. Why is she so bent out of shape because I want to know my father? What's the big secret? I always felt they were keeping something from me. My grandparents went away every month for a long weekend, and when I asked if I could go with them, they got this funny look on their faces."

"Where did they go?"

"They went to a place called Sunrise Maximum Care in Santa Ana. It makes sense now. They went to visit my mother. I haven't found the courage to visit her. I'm afraid of what I will see."

I know this facility, and a sick chill runs through me. I promised I would tell Kevin the truth and now is my first test. "Kevin, before I say anything, I want you to know that we are in this together. Whatever happens after today, you have my support one hundred percent. Sunrise Maximum Care is a long-term care facility that treats patients with traumatic brain injuries."

"Oh, no. I don't understand any of this," Kevin said as he shakes his head. "Why would my grandparents keep something so important from both of us?"

"There is only one way to know for sure."

"I'm going with you!"

"I don't think that's a good idea," I say with conviction. "What about your classes?"

"I'm calling my professor tomorrow to tell him I have a family emergency. I'm going with you."

"You sound like a Miller."

"Is that a good thing?"

"It's the best fucking thing I've heard in a long time. I think it's best if you stay here. Let me handle this."

"At this point in my life, I just want the truth. I'm no longer a child, and I have the right to know."

How do I explain this without upsetting my son? "Kevin, there is so much that we don't know, so I am speculating right now. Just listen to me, and we can discuss this. As you know, I am a neurologist. From what I've read in Mary's letter, the tumor threatened her life towards the end of her pregnancy. The only way her doctor would risk an operation is if it threatened her life. There are many factors that I do not know. For example, where was the tumor located? How big was the tumor? If Mary is in this type of facility, then I can assume that the surgery affected her motor skills. Did she have a stroke after the surgery? Mary's medical condition would explain the need for long-term care."

"But that doesn't explain the secrecy!"

"It does if Mary made her wishes known before the surgery. Her father was a lawyer. I can guarantee you that he thought of every possible scenario and protected his daughter. Knowing Mary as I do, she made provisions to spare us the grief of seeing her in this condition. Charles and Linda did not honor Mary's wish for me to raise you. My life would have been drastically different had I raised you."

"Yeah, I know. I heard what you said earlier, and I am so sorry about everything. Are you mad that I found you?"

"How can I be mad when I have the one thing that I've always wanted? I have a son, and while I'm upset by the circumstances that led you to me, I will never be sorry that you are my son. We have a lot to learn about each other. Let's take it one day at a time. How would you like to live with us full-time? Move out of the dormitory and come live with us. I already discussed this with Joan, and she is more than happy to have you living with us. Evie is very excited to have a big brother. And, in five months, you will have two new siblings. Joan is carrying twins."

"What about your brother? He doesn't know about me. What if he shows up here and sees me?"

"Let me call him now, and ask if we can visit tomorrow."

"Why do I suddenly feel nervous?"

"Ethan is a great guy. You already know Joey, and you will love Diane and Kellie."

"Okay, let's do it."

I call my brother and put him on speaker phone. "Hey, why are you calling me so late at night?"

"How's Diane?"

"She is doing great. Two more weeks and we have a new baby. You haven't told me why you're calling me at eleven at night. What's wrong?"

"Nothing is wrong. I have a bit of good news for the family. Mom and Dad were here earlier. I don't know how to tell you what happened yesterday."

"You're freaking me out, Jerry. What the hell are you talking about?"

I move the phone closer to Kevin. "Ethan, say hello to my son Kevin."

"Hello, Uncle Ethan."

Dead silence. I can only imagine what is going on at the other end of the phone. "Ethan, say something!"

"Explain, right now!" And so I do. I give Ethan the abbreviated version.

"Holy fucking hell! Did you freak out?"

Laughing, I say, "Um, yeah. You could say that. It's like looking in a mirror and seeing myself at twenty. Can we come over tomorrow? I want to introduce everyone to my son."

"Sure, we are up early on Saturday. Kellie and Fluffy wake everyone up at the butt crack of dawn. Tell me again why I thought it was such a great idea to give her a dog for Christmas?"

"Go to sleep. We'll see you tomorrow."

"Like I can sleep now with the bomb you just dropped in my lap."

"Go to bed," I say again and disconnect the call.

"That went well," Kevin says.

"I told you I have a great family. And now they are also your family. Come upstairs with me, and I'll show you your new room. If you don't want to move in with me, I'll give you a key, and you can come over anytime you want to. Our home is your home now."

"I need to go back to my dormitory and pack a bag for tomorrow."

I grab my keys and run upstairs to talk to Joan.
Chapter 22

Jerry

The next morning, I awake to the delicious scent of freshly brewed coffee, and it takes my brain a few seconds to realize that the bed is empty. A sense of rightness grips my heart, and when I walk into the kitchen, Kevin is sitting at the table talking to Joan, and he has his laptop on the table. I walk over to the counter, pour myself a cup of coffee, and sit next to my son.

"Thanks for letting me stay here last night. Your bed is much more comfortable than the piece of shit I'm currently sleeping on."

"Ah, life in a dormitory is an adventure. The offer still stands. You can move in here today and live the good life. I have plenty of room, and we would love to have you here with us."

"Are you sure about this? I don't want to impose because technically, I'm still a stranger to you."

I sigh and rub my forehead. "I want you here with me, Kevin. I want us to spend time together. I want to know about your life. I've missed nineteen years with you, and. I don't want to miss another day. Please, move in with us."

"If I give up my dorm room, you are stuck with me until the end of the school year. This is your chance to back out of the offer."

"I am entirely sure. We'll drive over to the campus after you meet my brother and his family. I'll drive the SUV. How much stuff do you have? Do you share a room?"

"I don't have much because I have a small room, and I live alone."

"Good. Now that we have that settled, what do you want for breakfast?'

"You can cook?"

"You bet I can. If we didn't cook, Ethan and I would have starved. My father is a retired doctor, and my mother is a retired nurse."

"That explains the tricked-out kitchen."

"Tricked out?"

Kevin laughs. "Tricked out as in above-average."

"Oh, well, thanks. What do you want for breakfast? I have eggs, bacon, and hot and cold cereal."

"Bacon, eggs and toast sound good."

I ask my wife, "Honey, what do you want for breakfast?"

Joan runs a hand along her stomach. "These two suck the energy out of me. I need protein. Eggs, bacon, and toast, please."

Cooking breakfast with my son feels so normal and strange at the same time. Kevin helps me beat the eggs, and side by side, we share our first breakfast together. I ask Kevin several questions, but this one hit home. "What was it like as a child for you Kevin?" I can see that he doesn't want to talk about this, but I need to know. "Please Kevin, talk to me."

After several long minutes, Kevin shares his life with us. "I was a lonely child. Our house always felt like there was a cloud of sadness surrounding it. My grandfather never took an interest in any of my school activities, and I rarely had my friends over to my house after school. I remember my friend Johnny's mother asking me if I was in foster care because she never saw my parents at the school. I had to tell her that my parents died when I was a baby and that my grandparents are raising me. She made me feel out of place with the other kids in school."

"My grandmother was always sad, and I think she took something for depression. Their house felt like a museum, and I was just a visitor. I never felt comfortable in that house. I had a lot of time to myself growing up, and every day after school I went to the public library because I didn't want to go home. Our housekeeper, Teresa, fed me most nights because grandfather was still at the office, and grandmother hid in her room. If they didn't want me, why put me through that? They knew where you were. Why not hand me over to you and be done with me?"

"When I found the letter, so many things became apparent. I was an obligation to them, nothing more. My Aunt and I had a terrible fight when I confronted her. She told me to let the past stay in the past, and when I refused, she stopped taking my phone calls, and would not answer the door when I showed up at her house. She is a weak person, and I hate saying that, but it's the truth. I feel a tremendous amount of relief being here with you. I worried that you would reject me, that you wouldn't believe me, and I resolved myself that I would see you once and walk away. Imagine my surprise when you opened your arms to me and accepted me as your son. I never expected that to happen, not at our first meeting, but I'm glad that it did."

I take a minute to process what I've just heard. Now it's my turn to spill the truth. I reach out for Joan's hand, and she gives me a reassuring squeeze. I am so tired of thinking and talking about the past, but unfortunately, it's still staring me in the face, and so, I tell Kevin my story. "I was still in residency, and I had to focus my energy on my career. I used my career as an escape mechanism, but all of that changed when I met Joan. I can say in all honesty that my wife saved my life in more ways than I can say. Everything is different now that you found me, and now that we know Mary is alive, we must do everything within our power to take care of her, because she cannot take care of herself."

"I have to be honest when I say that I like seeing you sitting in our kitchen this morning. You look like you belong here, and I want you here with us, every day. You should know two things about me. I never bullshit anyone, and I am very blunt. Now, stop the bullshit and pack your bags!"

Joan barks out a laugh and holds her belly. "Listen to him, Kevin. Once Jerry gets something into his head, there is no stopping him. Our home is your home now, and I would like to be your friend as well as your step-mother if that's okay with you."

I watch as Kevin slides his chair closer to Joan and puts an arm around her. He leans in and kisses her cheek. "I would like to be your friend and your step-son. I never had a mother who cared for me, and even though I am no longer a child, a part of me still wants someone to mother me. I know this situation is stressful for everyone, and I appreciate the both of you opening your home to me. You didn't have to do this, and I am very grateful."

Joan laughs. "You may rethink that statement in a few months when we have two babies screaming at two in the morning."

"I will never complain because those two screaming kids are my family. What you have offered me is more than I ever expected, and I am so happy that I don't have to go back to California when school ends. I have to call Teresa to let her know that I am not coming home. I feel sorry that she will lose her job. She ran that house for thirty years."

Joan and I look at each other, and we both come up with the same conclusion. "Would Teresa be interested in working for us? Soon we will have three small children, and we both work full-time. My mother-in-law wants to move back into her old house, and we have an apartment over the garage for Teresa."

"I already know the answer. Teresa will love working for you. I'll call her now."

"That's good. Tell Teresa that while I am in California, I'll stop by the house to talk to her."

*****

On the drive over to Ethan's house, I try to calm Kevin's nerves. Joan sees me looking in the rearview mirror every fucking minute and puts her hand on my leg. I place my hand on top of hers and link our fingers. Evie also sees that he is nervous.

"Are you scared, Kevin?"

"Yep. I am a little nervous."

"I can help you not be afraid."

"You can?" Kevin asks.

"Yes. Daddy showed me how to draw funny pictures when I get scared. Do you want to see them?"

Evie opens her little tote bag and takes out her new notebook. I have several that are full of pictures, and I packed them away carefully to protect these precious memories.

"Wow, Evie, your pictures are good. I also draw. Can I draw a picture in your book?"

"Yeah. Make me a picture of something that you like to draw."

The back of the car is suddenly quiet, which is a first for Evie. In the past few months, Evie has become very vocal. I think she knows that Roger will never hurt her again. Several minutes later, Evie screams so loud it reverberates in the car, and then she laughs.

"Mommy, Daddy, Kevin drew my face in the book. Look Mommy."

Out of the corner of my eye, I see the book pass to Joan. "Kevin, your picture of Evie is so beautiful and lifelike. What is your major?"

"I am an art major, with a minor in design."

'You have a real talent, Kevin. Can I frame it?"

"Um, sure."

"Can you also do something once the babies are born?"

"Sure. I can do that."

"Are you still scared Kevin? Did drawing my picture make you not afraid."

"It worked Evie. I'm not scared."

Evie moves closer to Kevin and rests her head on his arm. "I like having a brother."

Kevin kisses the top of her head. "And I like having a sister."

I look in the rearview mirror again. "Relax, son. They will love you."

"How do you think Ethan will react when he sees me?"

"I imagine the same way my parents reacted. Why are you so nervous?"

"It suddenly dawned on me that I may have other family members that I haven't met yet. How big is your family?"

I take a minute to add up everyone. "Well, on my father's side of the family, we have three uncles, one aunt, and eleven cousins. On my mother's side of the family, we have one aunt, one uncle, and seven cousins."

"Wow, that's a lot of people. I feel a little intimidated and nervous."

"You're one of us now, Kevin. Let me warn you upfront. When we get together for family functions, the noise level is deafening. They will love you, son, just as we already love you."

"How can you say that when we've only known each other for three days?"

I ask myself that same question, and with crystal clarity, I say, "Because you are my son, and because you are a part of me. In a perfect world, you watch your child being born, and the ties that bind you as a family, and the unconditional love you feel for your child are immediate. For me, it was when I saw in black and white that you are my child, and even though you are now a young adult, to me, you are my little boy."

I look back again and see Kevin wipe the tears from his face. "When the dust settles, I want to spend a little time with you. Just the two of us. Do you like to fish?"

"I've never done it before, so I don't know if I'll like it."

Something as simple as fishing is foreign to my son, and it makes me angry hearing what Kevin just said to me. What else was Kevin denied in his young life? "My dad has a cabin where we go fishing. Make time for us during your spring break."

"I'd like that. My childhood was a sheltered one. I'm sorry to say that I missed out on many things. I never realized how much until recently."

"It's okay son. If I know my father, he will be up your butt within the week. Now that he is retired, he has nothing but time, and I know he will love spending time with you. He plays golf every day with a bunch of retired police officers. Expect him to drag you with him. However, I don't want him to interfere with your studies. If he gets to be a pain in the butt, let me know."

"I'll never complain about anything because now that I have a huge family, I want to experience all that I missed in my childhood."

"Hearing you say this makes me angry, Kevin."

"I know, and I don't mean to make you angry. I just need you to understand what it was like for me growing up with my grandparents."

"I understand more than you realize Kevin, and I want you to know that you will never have that type of relationship with me or my family."

"Thanks, I need to hear that."

*****

If this weren't an important day for me, I would piss myself laughing when Ethan opens the door and sees a mirror image of me in the doorway. His eyes dart back and forth several times, and for the first time in my life, my brother is speechless. "Are you going to stand there gaping at us all day? It's frigging cold out here."

"Oh, sorry."

Once we are in the house, I see my parents sitting at the dining room table with Diane. Then my eyes scan the set up on the table. My mother set up a welcome to the family brunch, and when my eyes meet my moms, she winks at me, and my heart swells with love. Diane, Kellie, Joey, and my parents are all sitting at the table. Joey gets up, walks towards us, and shakes Kevin's hand.

"Hey Kevin, I can't believe we're cousins! Welcome to the family."

I look down, and Fluffy is trying to climb up Kevin's leg. He bends down to pick up the damn dog. I pick up Kellie and give her one of my sloppy kisses.

"Ugh, Uncle Jerry. Why do you do that? You know I don't like sloppy kisses."

"I do it because I want to."

"Put me down Uncle Jerry. I want to meet my new cousin."

Kellie looks up at Kevin and holds his hand. They walk over to the sofa and sit down.

"This is exciting. I have a new cousin. You look like Uncle Jerry."

"I know. I was surprised to see that I look like my dad."

"Are you sad that you just found us?"

"I'm a little sad, but I'm also happy. It's not every day a guy finds out that he has a big family with lots of aunts, uncles, and cousins."

"You don't have to be sad now because you have me, and I am a lot of fun. You can come over to my house and play with Fluffy, me and Evie. She already likes you, and I like you."

"I like you too, and I would love to play with you, Evie and Fluffy."

"Can you sleep over tonight? We can have a pajama party, watch cartoons, and have hot chocolate and cookies. My mommy makes the best cookies."

I interrupt Kellie before she goes on a tangent. "Kellie honey, Kevin is moving into my house tonight. You can sleep over at my house once Kevin gets used to living with us."

"Okay, Uncle Jerry. I can be patient." She kisses Kevin on the cheek and runs after Fluffy.

Kevin looks at me with tears in his eyes. My sweet, precious Kellie just opened her heart and made my son her pet project. Ethan is staring at me with sadness in his eyes. I imagine a few tears will fall before the end of the day.

Joan walks up behind Kevin and whispers in his ear. "Take a deep breath."

We walk over to the dining room table and sit next to my parents. "Kevin, this is my sister-in-law Diane, and my brother, Ethan."

"Hello. It's nice meeting you."

Ethan shakes his head. "I'm sorry. I don't mean to stare at you, but damn, you look just like Jerry. It's amazing. I bet you feel overwhelmed by everything that's happened the past few days."

"I know what it feels like to be overwhelmed," Diane says with sympathy in her voice. "If you need a friendly ear, I'm here for you. Has Jerry told you about my accident?"

Kevin nods his head. "Yes, and I'm sorry to hear what happened to you. How are you feeling?"

"When it first happened, I had good days and bad days. It wasn't easy accepting the loss of my memories, but I put one foot in front of the other and accepted my fate. Fate, however, smacked me upside the head, and my memories returned in a rather dramatic turn of events. In two weeks we will have a new baby. I survived what happened to me. What you need to do Kevin is to survive, to thrive, and be grateful and happy that you are now one of us. We have an amazing family, and one day soon, you will understand what makes our family so special."

"I already know that I am a lucky man. It just makes me sad that it's taken me nineteen years to find all of you."

"The important thing to remember is that you did find us," my dad says, "and we are never letting you go back to that life. Moving in with your father is the right thing to do. We want you close to us."

"Uncle Jerry is the best uncle in the world," Kellie gushes. "He takes me places, and we play games, and he makes the best pancakes."

I see Kevin's leg twitching again, and when I look at him, he starts to hyperventilate. His eyes dilate, and before I can react, he's crying. The enormity of the situation has caught up with him, and when the dam breaks, I suddenly realize that there is a very lonely, sad little boy trapped inside of him.

Kellie and Evie both jump up out of their seats and wrap their arms around my son. Kellie says, "It's okay to cry, Kevin. I cry all the time, and then I get ice cream. Do you want some ice cream?"

"Yes, I would love some ice cream." Kevin grabs a napkin and wipes his face. "Sorry. I tried holding it in, but I can't. All of you have been so kind to me."

"It won't last long," Ethan says sarcastically. "Give it a few weeks, and the honeymoon will be over. Dad will be up your grill about school, Kellie will want you to play with her, Evie will have your room filled with pictures, and Mom, Diane, and Joan will be shoving food down your throat. Worst of all, Jerry will be in full father mode. Just one big happy family!"

"Come on," Kellie said as she grabs Kevin's hand, "I want ice cream."

"Me too," Diane says.

"Me too," Evie says.

Kevin looks at me and smiles as Kellie drags him into the kitchen. A few minutes later, I hear the sounds of laughter coming from the kitchen, and I can finally relax. I run a hand over my face and realize that it's wet. "I fucking hate how I feel right now."

"What's next?" Ethan asks me.

"Dad and I are on a plane to California Monday morning. I need him with me because if I go alone, I won't be responsible for my actions."

"This is an awful situation for anyone, especially someone as young as Kevin," Ethan says with compassion in his voice.

"I agree with you. Kevin told me a little bit about his childhood, and it wasn't a happy one. Something is not right, and I will not leave California without the truth. I owe it to my son to end this for him."
Chapter 23

Jerry

It's early Monday morning, and I can't sleep. My mind won't shut down to allow me a few precious hours of sleep. I don't want to move around too much in bed and disturb Joan. The babies drain her energy. When I hear movement in the house, I look at the clock. It's four in the morning. Why is Kevin up so early? I slip on a pair of boxers and go downstairs. The kitchen light is on, and once again, Kevin is sitting at the table with his laptop. "Why are you sitting in the kitchen? I have an empty office that you can use. Wouldn't you feel more comfortable sitting at my desk?"

"The kitchen is fine, Dad. I've spent a lot of time in the kitchen back home with Teresa. When I came home from school, Teresa always had cookies and milk for me, and she helped me with my homework. In many ways, she was my mother, and I love and miss her. What are you doing up so early?"

"I couldn't sleep. I was just going to ask you the same question."

"Blame it on Teresa. I got up early every morning because she checked my homework before I went to school, and made sure I had a good breakfast. My grandparents always slept late, and on most days, they were still asleep when I went to school. Teresa walked me to the bus and picked me up at the end of the day. Life would have been miserable without her friendship."

"You are lucky to have Teresa in your life. Have you spoken to her recently?"

"Yes. Teresa calls me every week and is happy that I found my father. She wants me to tell you that the job offer sounds good, and she wants you to visit her. "

"Our flight leaves at seven and Dad will be here around five. Once we get to Yorba Linda, we'll check into the hotel, and tackle the problem on Tuesday. I want the element of surprise on my side."

"That might be the best tactic with my Aunt. She took over my grandfather's practice when he died, and is in the office every day."

I sit down next to my son and take a deep breath. "I am a little nervous about facing Helen."

"Sorry. I didn't mean to upset you," Kevin says with trepidation in his voice. I don't want my son walking on eggshells when he's around me.

I turn in my seat to face my son. "You didn't upset me. I am confident that once I talk to Helen, I will feel like shit, but I need answers."

"You know you can always speak to me."

"And you can talk to me. We have a lot to learn about each other."

"I want to know everything, Dad. Damn, I like calling you Dad."

"And I like hearing it. I still can't believe I have a son. When I woke up this morning, I felt good knowing you are in the house. I lived alone until I met Joan, and now my house is full, and I love it. I lived alone for a long time."

"You never had anyone in your life before Joan?"

Shit. How do I explain this without sounding like a dick? "Um, my dating life was a little unconventional. I ran from commitments, and the women that I've dated in the past felt the same way. I don't advocate casual sex, but well, it is what it is. I promised to be upfront with you, and sex for me was a release, nothing more. Losing Mary changed my life. I was afraid to commit myself to another person. I learned to shut down and walk away when the relationship got serious. Everything changed for me when I met Joan. Who would have thought that I would be a family man? I am forty-six years old and about to have twins! I never thought my life would turn out the way it did. I always thought that I would live out my life alone."

"How is it that one person can affect so many people's lives? You, me, my grandparents. We have all lived with a cloud of sadness over our heads. I always wondered what it would feel like to come home after school, and have my mom waiting for me with milk and cookies. I always wondered what it would be like to play baseball, and go fishing with my dad. Instead, I had a grandfather who had put up a wall between us, a grandmother who popped pills regularly, and a housekeeper who loves me like her son. And you, look how your life was affected. You ran from commitment, and worked like a maniac."

"We have to play the cards on the table, but I want to toss that deck in the fucking trash. Today is a new start for both of us Kevin, and I want to do all of those things with you."

"I want it too, Dad. More than you know."

"And so do I," I hear my father say. I turn in my chair to see him standing in the doorway. I wish he would make some fucking noise when he walks into my house. He walks over to Kevin and places both hands on his shoulders.

"When we get back from California, we'll go to a Flyers game. My good friend Pete is the team's doctor. How would you like to hang out in the locker room?"

"Are you serious?"

"Dead serious. I have connections!"

"Um, Dad. Can I come with you?"

"I'll call Pete when we get back to set something up." He looks at his watch. "We need to hit the road soon."

"Give me a few minutes to get dressed and say goodbye to Joan."

I run upstairs and into our bedroom. The bed is empty, so I walk into our private bathroom. Joan is in the shower, and she is singing along with the radio. I tap on the glass door, and when she slides back the door, my dick stands at attention. The sight of my beautiful wife, with her round belly glistening from the water nearly blinds me. "We need to leave soon."

Joan steps out of the shower, and I wrap her in a warm towel. "I'll miss you," she says as our lips meet. Every time I kiss my wife, I fall a little deeper in love with her.

"I'll miss you too, sweetheart. Take care of my babies. I'll call you when we get to the hotel."

"Call anytime, day or night. I know this meeting has you strung out."

"I am strung out because of Kevin. Whatever I discover in California, it won't be easy for him to hear."

"I will make sure that Kevin is okay while you are in California."

"That's why I want you to stay home. Kevin will need you.Love you, baby."

"Love you too, honey. Don't forget to call me."

I kiss Joan one last time, get dressed, and go downstairs. My dad and Kevin are still in the kitchen. "We need to hit the road, or we will miss our plane."

"Don't forget to call me," I hear Kevin say as I leave the kitchen. He follows me to the door.

"If you need anything, don't be shy. Ask Joan, and she will help you. I'll text you when we land and will call you tomorrow."

*****

"Kevin is a good kid," my dad says as we drive to the airport.

"Yes, he is. In some ways, he's mature beyond his years. I can't imagine what his life was like growing up with cold, uncaring people. I don't remember Charles and Linda being unkind."

"I imagine Mary's illness affected them beyond their capacity to cope, and adding in a baby, well, I don't want to make excuses, but I can see how stressful that can be."

"It did not have to be stressful for anyone. I am Kevin's father, and if they felt so fucking stressed that they would ignore him, someone should have contacted me. I would have been on the first fucking plane to California to get my son. Kevin gave me a copy of his birth certificate. My name is on Kevin's birth certificate. MY NAME! I have rights as Kevin's dad, goddamn it!"

"Calm down before you cause an accident. We'll get it all out in the open when we get there."

"Sorry, I am so fucking pissed off."

"I know son. I know."

*****

As soon as we are in the air, I ask the stewardess for a large scotch on the rocks. I know it's too early in the day for a drink, but I need it. The closer we get to California, the more anxious I become. I've had three drinks by the time the plane lands, and I still feel nervous. The ride to the hotel doesn't take long, and by two-thirty, we are in our room. I call Kevin after I unpack.

"Hey, we landed safely, and I'm in my room now. Is everything okay there?"

Kevin laughs. "Couldn't be better. Granny Catherine arrived ten minutes after Joan took Evie to school with a suitcase, and Granny Beverly showed up a few moments later. When I got home from school, Granny Catherine was in the kitchen cooking a big pot of spaghetti sauce. I could get used to this!"

I love my mother. "Mom makes the best sauce. Enjoy this time with her. I knew she wouldn't leave you alone."

"I am glad she's keeping me company. I haven't managed to shed the constant feeling of loneliness. It's so ingrained in me that I often wonder if the feeling will ever leave me."

"Trust me. With my parents and brother all living within two miles of each other, you will never be lonely. Enjoy this time together, and I'll call you tomorrow. I'm starving, and I need food now. The few scotches I had on the plane are talking to me."

"Okay, I'll talk to you tomorrow."

My father and I have dinner, and by ten-thirty, I am in bed. Sleep eludes me, so I turn on the television and pray for a few hours of distraction. The next time I open my eyes, it's six in the morning. I take a quick shower and order room service. While I wait for breakfast, I write down what I want to say to Helen. I suddenly feel depressed, and I can't shake it off. I've lost so much time with my son, time that I can never recapture. Why would they do this to me, and to Kevin? I won't leave without the answer.

*****

By the time we arrive at Helen's office building, I have a full head of steam. Now I'm the one with the twitchy leg. After I pay the cabbie, I stand in the parking lot and look up at the building. My dad stands patiently next to me while I try to calm the fuck down. Ten minutes later, we are in the elevator. When we step out of the elevator, the first thing that I see is the sign, Harrington, Waterfield, and Simpson, ESQ. The reception area is large, and thankfully, empty. I walk up to the receptionist and say, "I would like to see Helen Harrington."

I received the predictable response. "Do you have an appointment?"

"No, I just arrived from Philadelphia."

"I am sorry. Ms. Harrington doesn't see anyone without an appointment. I can schedule something for you for next week."

I raise my voice just enough to get her attention. "I am not leaving without seeing Ms. Harrington." I jab my finger on the top of the counter. "Get on the phone and tell her Kevin's father is here to see her."

"You, you're Kevin's father?"

"Yes, I am. My name is Doctor Jeremy Miller. And your name is?"

"My name is Barbara Harrington. Please take a seat. I will tell Ms. Harrington that you are here to see her."

I watch Barbara disappear down the hallway, and then I hear loud screaming, and that makes me fucking happy. The element of surprise worked rather well. Several minutes later, a red-faced Barbara escorts us back to her office. When Barbara opens the door, I see Helen sitting behind her desk, arms folded across her chest. At forty-three, Helen still looks as miserable as she did at twenty. She takes off her glasses and glares at us.

"What do you want, Jerry?"

I take a few steps closer to her desk. "Isn't it obvious what I want? Imagine my surprise when a mirror image of myself shows up at my office claiming to be my son."

"So, he found you. What do you want from me?"

"I read Mary's letter. I want to know why your parents kept my son from me."

"I don't owe you an explanation. My parents did what they felt was best at the time. They fulfilled their obligation and raised Mary's son. You don't know the entire story."

"Then why don't you tell me the entire story."

"Again, I will inform you that I do not owe you an explanation. My parents did what they had to do, nothing more, nothing less."

Cold hearted bitch! "What they did is deny Kevin the opportunity to know his father. What they did is take away my parental rights. Why would they do that, Helen? You knew I loved Mary. It devastated me when she left me. Why would Charles and Linda keep my son from me? I've lost nineteen years of his life."

Helen slams her hand on her desk and stands to face me. Her face turns five shades of red. She screams at me, "My parents lost a daughter, and I lost my sister because of your carelessness! We begged her to have an abortion! There was a chance that the tumor could have been treated with chemotherapy, radiation, and surgery, but she chose to sacrifice her life for your fucking baby! We lost our Mary because of you! My mother had a nervous breakdown, and she downed pills until the day she died like they were candy. My mom begged my father to keep the baby. He didn't want to raise your kid, but he agreed on the condition that he would only support him financially, and nothing more. Mary sacrificed so much for Kevin, and every time I look at him, it reminds me of what we lost. Every time I look at him, I see your miserable face! I don't love him. I never loved him. Are you satisfied now that you know the truth?"

"Did it ever occur to your pompous fucking ass that Kevin is also Mary's child?" my father asks her. "Did it ever occur to you that Kevin felt your animosity his entire life? Frankly, I'm glad he found us."

"You can have him. I told Kevin not to pursue this. I told Kevin that the past needs to remain in the past, but he wouldn't listen to me. I assume you know about Mary. She is now Kevin's responsibility. I watched my parents suffer for twenty years. Every month they went to visit Mary and came back a few years older. I watched my mother kill herself by self-medicating the pain. She would be alive today had she not overdosed. My father was never the same after she had died, and he blamed you until the day he died."

I move closer to her desk, and then I see it. My blood runs as cold as ice as I stare at a picture of Mary on her bookcase, and she is sitting in a wheelchair. I walk behind her desk and grab the picture frame. I shove it in her face. Mary looks disheveled, and it's obvious that her grooming and overall care is unacceptable. "We will take care of Mary. You should be ashamed of yourself. Kevin is an intelligent young man. It is not his fault that Mary chose to protect the life of her child, and yet, for nineteen years, all of you blamed and shunned him for something that was not in his control. I always knew you were a bitch, and I am glad that Kevin is out of that house."

"Get the hell out of my office. You have what you came for, now I'd like you to leave my office, or I will have security throw you out of the fucking building."

"This isn't over," I say as I walk out of her office. I still have the picture in my hand.

"Yes, it is," I hear as the door slams behind me. Barbara is standing in the hallway, and she is as white as a sheet.

"Come with me," she whispers to me. We follow her to an empty office and shut the door. She walks over to the desk, opens the drawer, and takes out a piece of paper. "Write down your hotel name and room number. I'll meet you there in two hours. I can't talk to you here."

I write down the information and hand the piece of paper to her. "Is it about Mary?"

"Yes, and if anyone knew I had information, or that I shared it with you, the ramifications for me could be severe. Do you understand what I'm saying?"

"Yes, I do."

"Okay. I'll see you in a few hours."
Chapter 24

Jerry

I am still holding Mary's picture in my hand as we leave the building. I feel like I'm in a time tunnel. I think back to those first few months, and it brings me to my knees. I sit down on the ground and weep as I stare at Mary's face. Why? Why would they do this to Mary? Why would they keep her from me? And then I think about Kevin, and I become ill. I barely miss spewing on my father's pant leg. I hear my dad talking on the phone, and a few minutes later, a taxi pulls up in front of me. My dad helps me into the cab, and it's all I can do not to scream. When we arrive back at the hotel, he has to hold me up, and when I get back to my room, I run to the bathroom, and a few minutes later, I hear Dad knocking on the door. "Son, I am coming in. Are you okay?"

My throat is raw, so all I can do is grunt out my response. Dad has a bottle of water and a few aspirin in his hand, and I gratefully take both. My head feels like it's in a vice. "Thanks," I manage to say. I stay seated on the floor until I am sure I won't lose it again. Dad hands me a warm washcloth, and I wipe down my face and neck, then get up to brush my teeth. When I look at myself in the mirror, I see my former self at the age of twenty-six. The grief, the pain, it's all reflected on my face. I'm back in the past, alone, confused, and frightened for the woman I loved. What the hell happened to her? It's killing me not knowing anything. As I look at my grief-stricken face in the mirror, I see my Dad standing behind me.

"How do you feel?" he asks me.

"I feel awful. What do I tell my son? The truth will devastate him. I promised to tell him the truth. How do I do that, Dad? How do I tell Kevin that his grandparents purposely kept him from me to hurt me? How do I tell him that his grandfather blames Mary for choosing his life over hers?"

"Before you say anything, get the facts. Hopefully, the secretary will give you some information. The fact that she is meeting us here tells me what she has is significant."

"Before I do anything, I need to visit Mary." I look down at the picture. "The wheelchair tells me she has a disability. What is her mental capacity? Can she make decisions? I need to know before this destroys Kevin."

The phone rings, and it's Barbara. "I'm in the lobby."

"Give me five minutes," I say to her.

"Whatever she tells us, Jerry, we need to keep it confidential until we decide what to do about Mary. I don't want Barbara to get into trouble for helping us."

"I know. I wouldn't do that to Barbara. Let's hear what she has to say."

*****

"Before I say anything, I want your promise that you will never divulge who gave you this information," Barbara says rather forcefully.

"My father and I already discussed this, and you have our word. As far as we are concerned, we never met you." I see her visibly relax, and then she opens her bag and retrieves a thick file folder and hands it to me.

"My Uncle Charles was a demanding, arrogant, opinionated and selfish man, and Helen is just like him. I put up with it because I also work with the other partners. I was asked to take care of all of Mary's paperwork from my first day at the firm. This file contains twenty years of medical history, reports from the nursing staff, test results, and her records from the hospital where she had the surgery. My Uncle did not like dealing with them, and I got the impression that he only visited her because of my Aunt Linda. I've had more than my share of occasions over the years to watch him interact with Kevin, and I hated how he ignored that sweet child."

"Why are you giving this to me? You have to know that this violates HIPPA laws."

"What happens to Mary with Kevin three thousand miles away? How can he take care of her needs?"

The file suddenly feels heavy in my hands. I know what Barbara is asking me to do. Kevin must now be Mary's legal guardian, and this is a huge responsibility for a nineteen-year-old boy. Yes, in some ways, he is still a kid. Taking care of Mary is too much responsibility for him to handle alone. Mary belongs in Philadelphia with our son and my family.

"Thank you, Barbara. You took a huge risk giving this to me. I assume this is a copy of her file."

"Yes. I had to sneak into the copy room without being seen. I hope that what I have given you will help you get Mary out of that place. My uncle never knew that I visited Mary once a week. I made sure it's not on the two days a month that they got off their fat asses to visit her."

"Can you tell me what happened after she left me, Barbara? I've struggled with this for twenty years."

"When Mary came home, she cried for a week. She wouldn't leave her room. All of her dreams had died the day she left you. Her doctors gave Mary a fifty percent survival rate, and Uncle Charles was anxious for her to start chemotherapy. They did not know about the baby, and when my uncle found out that Mary was pregnant, he was livid. My uncle screamed at Mary for I don't know how many days. He wanted her to have an abortion. Aunt Linda used emotional blackmail to get her to comply. Mary refused again. She said that the life of her child was more important than her life."

"Uncle Charles filed papers in court stating that Mary was incompetent to make health decisions. He went to a few of his friends who are judges to persuade them to rule in his favor. They wanted to interview Mary, and when she found out what her father was attempting to do, she moved out of the house, and into ours. Three judges dismissed the case, stating Mary was competent and praised her for protecting Kevin. As her pregnancy progressed, Mary started having problems with coordination. She had dizzy spells and began to drag her left leg. Her doctors advised bed rest until it was safe to deliver Kevin. That's when the headaches started."

"It was awful Jerry. Mary was sick all of the time and had to be hospitalized several times for dehydration. Uncle Charles and Aunt Linda refused to visit, and my father argued with them. There was a lot of arguing between them. My mom was an angel during all of this turmoil. Between the three of us, we made sure that Mary was as comfortable as possible. That's when she started writing in her journal. The day that Kevin was born was awful. I heard Mary screaming, and when I ran into her room, she had blood running out of her nose. We called her parents and prayed that the baby would be okay. Mary sacrificed her life for her child, and we prayed for a safe delivery."

"After Kevin had been born, the neurologist told us that they had no other option but to operate, and I sat in the waiting room for twelve hours waiting, praying. I visited Kevin in the NIC unit. Mary survived the surgery, but the tumor caused damage to a part of her brain. No one knew her prognosis at the time, and all I wanted was for her to open her eyes."

"I sat by her bed day after day. Uncle Charles refused to visit, and Aunt Linda, like a lap dog, followed whatever he did. How do you turn your back on a sick child? Kevin thrived and grew daily. Mary had names already picked out, and I promised her that if anything happened to her during the birth, I would make sure that Kevin had your surname on the birth certificate."

"Uncle Charles was furious, but he had no legal claim on her son's name. He blamed you, and he blamed Mary for making such a foolish mistake that would probably end her life prematurely. Aunt Linda did not want you in his life."

"A few days after the surgery, Mary suffered a stroke, and she was transferred to Sunrise a few weeks later. Uncle Charles did not want her in the house because then he would have to grow a pair of balls and take care of his damaged daughter. It was bad enough that he now has to raise her 'bastard child.' His words, not mine. Aunt Linda took on more than she could handle, and she dumped Kevin in Teresa's lap. If it weren't for Teresa and her loving heart, Kevin would have had a miserable life in that house. Which brings us to today."

I get up from my seat and walk outside. I don't want to cry, but it's so hard knowing how Mary suffered to bring our son into this world. It angers me, knowing all of this, that her parents ignored what would have been best for my son. Just thinking about how he lived infuriates me, and further resolves my desire to give Kevin a happy life. I turn around when I feel my dad's hand on my shoulder. My father holds me in his arms, and I feel like a child again, running to Dad when I have a problem.

"Let it out, Jerry. I told your brother the same thing after Diane's accident. Get it out of your system now, because you need to stay focused for Mary and Kevin."

"They didn't want Kevin, but they took him anyway. They took him away from me."

"Yes, they did," my dad says, "but Kevin found you. He held on to his mother's words, and he found you. The fact that Kevin found you is what you need to focus on now. Take care of your son, and get him through this in one piece Jerry. You have our support one hundred percent, you always have. We love you son. Never forget that we love you."

"This is what I want for Kevin. I want him to know that we love him, that we will always love him."

"Then tell him as often as possible. He will need to hear the words as he deals with the fallout of his decision to find you. Kevin will have everything he needs because he now has a father who loves him."

So true, and I suddenly realize how much I already love my son. Taking a deep breath, I walk back to the hotel.

Barbara looks at me kindly. "Are you okay, Jerry?"

"No. I'm not okay, but I will be once I get this resolved. My first concern is for my son's welfare. All of this will hurt him deeply, but I promised to be truthful with him."

"He is a lucky young man to have you for his father. I'm just sorry it has taken him so long to find you."

"So am I. Can you briefly tell me about Mary's condition?"

"Mary is paralyzed from the waist down. She can understand what's happening around her. Mary is happy when I visit her. I bring flowers and a few books, and we spend the day reading and watching television. She is lonely Jerry. She hasn't spoken to me in all of the years that I've visited her. After Linda had died, Charles rarely visited Mary. He was ashamed of his daughter, and that's not right. I often asked myself if she knows about Kevin. Is it possible she doesn't remember her son?"

"It is possible if her memory is affected by the stroke."

"Please help her, Jerry."

"I'll do all that I can. Thank you again for helping me."

Barbara gives me her cell phone number. "Will you call me when you've figured out how to help Mary? She is my cousin, and I love her."

"Yes, I will call you."

*****

It's after nine in the evening, and Dad and I have gone through Mary's file twice. Medically, she is stable. No indication of what I've read that states diminished cognitive function. What this means legally is that Mary is of sound mind to make medical decisions. I haven't called Kevin yet, and just as I think those words, my phone rings. I look at my dad, and he nods his head yes.

"Hey Kevin, I was just thinking about calling you."

"What's wrong? You sound weird. Did you see my aunt?"

"Yes, I did. You didn't tell me Barbara is her cousin."

"Oh, sorry, I forgot she is my cousin. So, how was the meeting?"

"It was so bad that I got physically sick."

"What the hell happened?"

"There is no easy way to say this Kevin, and even though I promised to be truthful with you, this will hurt you deeply, and I can't get around hurting you."

"I've always felt something was not right in our house, so whatever it is, just tell me. It can't be any worse than being ignored for nineteen years."

"Kevin, your grandparents kept you from me because they blamed me for getting Mary pregnant. They wanted to hurt me by keeping you. Helen is a nasty bitch and said she doesn't care what you do. Your mother chose your life over hers, and that infuriated your grandfather. He tried to force Mary to have an abortion. He tried to have her declared incompetent. When that legal maneuver failed, Mary left their house and lived with Barbara's parents until she delivered you. It wasn't easy for your mother. She was sick most of the time, and after you had been born, she had the operation, then had a stroke. Your mom is paralyzed from the waist down. We will be here for another day or two while I investigate what I've discovered today."

For as long as I live, I will never forget the sound of my son screaming into the phone. I am three thousand fucking miles away from Kevin when he needs me to comfort him. I hear the phone drop onto the tile floor, and I am screaming into the phone for someone to pick it up. Finally, I hear Joan's voice.

"What happened Jerry? Kevin is on the floor crying. What did you say to him?"

I tell Joan the brutal truth. "Oh my god, this can't be happening. I have to take care of Kevin. Call me later." And then the call disconnects.

I turn to my dad. "Joan is with Kevin. He's on the floor crying."

"We will get through this Jerry."

I wish I felt the same way.
Chapter 25

Jerry

The sound of my phone ringing wakes me from a beer-induced sleep. I'm not a drinker, but tonight, I needed a six-pack to calm my nerves. It's Joan. "Is Kevin okay?"

"My heart is breaking Jerry. Kevin cried all night. He fell asleep crying in my arms. How could they do this to him? What are we going to do?"

"I am renting a car in the morning, and Dad and I will drive out to Sunrise. I want to see Mary as soon as possible. I need to determine her mental competency and state of mind to make decisions that involve her life and medical care. An anonymous source gave me Mary's medical files. I have discovered that Charles filed papers with the Probate Court declaring Mary incompetent and appointed himself as her court-appointed guardian. At the time, Mary's condition warranted this because of the stroke. That was twenty years ago. You can't tell me that she still has diminished capacity. I need to determine, as Kevin's father, and also as a doctor if she is competent."

"What happens if Mary is competent?"

"Then we need legal counsel because Kevin has rights as Mary's son. If I have my way, Mary will be in Philadelphia with us, in a first-class long-term care facility, surrounded by people who care for her."

"Why are you doing this Jerry? Haven't you suffered enough the past twenty years? Why take this on now?"

"Because my son needs his mother. A part of me will always care about Mary, but I am intelligent enough to realize this is a no-win situation. That part of my life is over, and I've accepted that. Mary, however, has lived in limbo for far too long. Does she even know about Kevin?"

"Be careful with her Jerry. If she doesn't recognize you, then she doesn't know about Kevin. If that happens, walk away and let her live in peace."

"What do I tell Kevin? He will want to visit his mother. How do I stop him if she doesn't remember?"

"Talk to him, Jerry. He is a sensitive young man. Don't keep anything from him, no matter how painful. He has had nineteen years of everyone keeping secrets. He doesn't need his father doing the same thing."

"I get it, Joan. I'll talk to him after we visit her. Is he still sleeping?"

"Yes. Kevin was exhausted and fell asleep around one in the morning."

"Keep him home from school today, and tell Kevin that I will call him later today."

"I will. I've grown attached to my stepson rather quickly. In many ways, Kevin reminds me of you."

"And that's a good thing, right Joan?"

"Yes, my beautiful husband. It's a good thing."

*****

The next time I open my eyes, it's eight in the morning, and my father is sitting at the small table in my room eating breakfast and reading Mary's file. "Hey, is there enough food for me? I'm starving."

"Sorry. I didn't know how long you would sleep. Let me call down and order something for you. Take a shower. You look like shit."

I also feel like shit. I haven't had a beer hangover since I was in college. I managed to drag my hungover ass out of bed and into the shower. The warm water does nothing to get rid of my headache. Twenty minutes later, I have my first cup of strong coffee. When I look at what my father ordered for breakfast, I laugh. "I see you ordered a hangover breakfast."

"I remember the first time you came home with a hangover. I had every intention of letting you suffer through it, but your mother chewed my head off when I left you lying on the bathroom floor."

"Ugh, I remember that so vividly. I was never so sick in my life than I was that day."

"And yet, here you are again with a beer hangover."

"I know. Let me eat breakfast, and you can kick my ass later, okay?"

The massive amount of carbohydrates that I eat goes a long way in soothing my rolling stomach. After breakfast, and two more cups of coffee, we are at the car rental office. I use the GPS on my phone, and one hour later, we arrive at Sunrise.

"How do you want to handle this?" my dad asks me.

"We are here to visit an old college friend."

Sunrise is your average middle-income nursing facility, which surprises me because Charles has the finances to take care of his daughter. We register without any difficulty. The receptionist is more interested in her book than who is coming and going. Mary is on the long-term care floor, and when we step out of the elevator, every alarm in my body goes off. All I see are patients sitting in wheelchairs, laying on gurneys, and lined up against the walls. Some of them stare blankly at nothing. I already know this is not the place for Mary. The nursing staff runs up and down the halls tending to some of the patients. The smell of antiseptic shoots up my nose, and my stomach rolls.

As we approach Mary's room, I see her in the hallway, and I want to cry. She looks so fragile, so worn out, and sad sitting in her wheelchair. As we approach, Mary lifts her head and looks at me. She doesn't recognize me, and my heart sinks. I kneel down in front of her and hold her hand.

"Hello, Mary. I am a friend of your cousin Barbara, and I wanted to meet you. This is my dad, Steve. My name is Jerry. It's nice to meet you."

I feel Mary squeeze my hand lightly. She has some strength in her hand. Mary is looking at me intently as if she is trying to remember me. Then, her eyes fill with tears, and she turns her head away from me. It's then that I know she remembers. I place the palm of my hand gently on her cheek and turn her head to face me. "You recognize me, Mary. I know you remember me. It's okay, honey. Everything will be okay."

She blinks several times to clear the tears from her eyes. I use the pad of my thumbs to wipe away the tears. "Can you speak, Mary."

She nods her head yes.

"That's good honey. Can you say hello to me?"

"H..hell..o Jjjerrry."

"Hello, Mary. Do you remember my dad?"

Dad bends down to be eye level with her and holds her other hand. "Hello, darling. Is it okay if we visit for a while?"

Mary nods her head yes. "Do you want to get out of here for a few minutes?"

Another nod yes. We sign out at the nurse's station and ask the nurse if there is a place outside for the patients to visit with family members.

"Yes. When you exit the elevator, turn to the right and go straight to the double doors. We have a large visiting area outside with tables, chairs, and a porch if you do not want to sit in the sun."

Mary's eyes light up at the thought of sitting in the sun. She loved the beach, and just thinking of her being cooped up in this building breaks my heart. When we exit the elevator, I hear Mary say, "tturnn rrrigght."

I already have the answer to one of my questions. Mary is not incompetent. Turning right, we walk through the double doors, and when we step into the sunshine, Mary laughs. "Llloovee tthhhe sssuun."

Once seated, I hold her hand again. "I bet you are surprised to see me."

Mary nods her head yes. "Ddiiddn't wwanntt yyou ttto seee meee tttthhis wwwaayyy. Wwhheerree iissss Kkeevvviin?"

I look at my dad and smile, knowing now what I need to do. "Our son is at home in Philadelphia with my wife. He wanted to come with us, but he is in college now, and school is important." Mary's smile is a crooked smile, but it's the most beautiful thing I've seen in a long time.

"Hhheeellleenn mmaaadd yyoouu fffoouundd mmee?"

"Oh, yeah, she wasn't happy about it."

"Cccaannn yyoouuu ggettt meeee oouttt oofff hheerrree? Bbaaaaddd pppllacccee. Wwaanntt tttoo ssseee Kkeevvinnn."

Again, I look at my dad, and he nods his head yes. I hate doing this, but Mary needs to know the truth if I am to help her. "I am going to be honest with you Mary. Both of your parents have died, and technically, Helen is your legal guardian. The only way to stop that is to go to court. I also need to speak to Kevin, because if we do this, he will now be your legal guardian, and I want to make sure that he is mature enough to take on that responsibility. I also want you to know that I did not raise our son. Your parents kept him from me, and he only found me last week. He showed me your letter, and I came to California because I wanted to know why they kept my son from me. I'm angry Mary. Kevin is a handsome young man. Do you want to see his picture?"

Mary nods her head yes. I grab my phone and show her his picture. She looks at me, then at the picture, then to me again and smiles. I know what she is thinking. "He does look like me. I'm glad that he found me Mary, and I want you to know that we love him. We will always love him. You never have to worry about that."

"Ddaad ssso aanngry wwiith mmee aabbooutt bbabby. Haadd tttoo pprotteect bbabby."

"You did the right thing, Mary. I am so grateful that you protected our son. He will be so excited to see you. Do you want to talk to him? I can call him. He's home from school today."

Mary nods her head yes. I dial Kevin's number, and when he doesn't answer, I call my mom.

"Hi mom, is Kevin still sleeping?"

"Yes. What's wrong?"

"Mary wants to speak to her son. Can you wake him up?"

I hear my mother cry happy tears. "Oh, Jerry. Hold on a minute. I'll wake him up." While I wait for Kevin, I take Mary's picture and send it to him.

"Dad, what's wrong?"

"Where is your cell phone? I sent you a picture." I wait for Kevin to look at my text, and then I hear him crying again. "Do you want to speak to your mother?"

"Can I, Dad?" Kevin asks me with so much emotion in his voice that it breaks me. I feel the tears run down my face, and then I feel Mary's shaking hand wipe them away. Whatever happens after today, I know with certainty that Mary will always be a part of our family.

"Yes, Kevin." I put the phone on speaker and hold it up to Mary.

"Hiii Keevvinn, tthiiss iiss yyoouur mmomm. Yyoouu aarre ssoo hhaaandddsoome."

"Oh, Mom, I love you. Can I visit you?"

"Yyeesss. Wwoouullldd llliiikkkeee tthaattt sssooo mmuccchhh. Lloovvee yyooouu ttttoo."

I need a favor from my mother. "Mom, can you hear me."

"Yes, Jerry. I can hear you."

"I want you to call Lincoln Marshall. Explain the situation to him, and tell him that we'll be back home sometime on Thursday. I need legal advice. Kevin, it's time to man up buddy. If you want your mom in your life, you have an important decision to make."

"Tell me, and I'll do whatever it takes."

"I want you to file papers with the court requesting that you become your mother's legal guardian. I want her out of this place and in Philadelphia with all of us. It won't be easy Kevin. Your aunt will fight this, but from what I've seen today, Mary can communicate her wishes." I look at Mary. "Do you want us to take care of you sweetheart? Do you want to come to Philadelphia and live near us?"

"Yyeeesss, Jjeerryy."

"You heard your mother. She wants out of here, and we will make it happen."

"Damn right we'll make it happen, and if my aunt gets in my way, she'll regret it."

"We have a lot to talk about Kevin, but now is not the time. Just know that I have your back."

"Thanks, Dad. I love you."

"Love you too, son."

We spent the remainder of the afternoon sitting in the sun and holding hands. Our relationship will never be what it once was, but Mary is the mother of my child, and that part of my heart will always belong to her. We say our goodbye's in her room. I help her out of her wheelchair and into bed. Mary grabs my hand once again, and I bend down to kiss her forehead. "I am going to get you a cell phone, and I'll ask Barbara to show you how to use it. I want you to have immediate contact with Kevin and me. I want to be able to call you anytime during the day or night. Keep the phone with you at all times. If you have trouble, don't worry about it. As long as I can call you, that will be enough for now. Can you do that for me?"

Mary nods her head yes. I kiss Mary one more time and leave her resting comfortably. Once outside, I call Barbara. "I need a favor. Meet me at the hotel at six. I'm getting a cell phone for Mary, and I want you to show her how to use it."

"She doesn't speak, Jerry. How can she use a cell phone?"

"She spoke to Kevin and me earlier today. She told me she wants to leave Sunrise and come with us to Philadelphia. She told Kevin that she loves him."

"Are you freaking kidding me? Mary talked to you? I've been visiting her for years, and she never speaks to me. How did you do this Jerry? I am so happy I could cry."

"She recognized me, and I asked her if she could communicate. Mary speaks slowly and with a stutter, but she can communicate. Mary is not incompetent. She held a conversation with us all afternoon."

"What happens now?"

"Now, we fight for her rights. Kevin wants to be her legal guardian, but he needs to understand the responsibility that goes with this. He will have his family behind him should this land in court, which I think it will. Helen will not give up guardianship easily."

"You might be wrong about that. I heard Helen talking on the phone last week. She's pissed that her father appointed her Mary's legal guardian. She said she wants to travel, but she feels stuck here because of Mary."

"That's good information. Keep your ears open, and if you hear anything, let me know. Barbara, I can't thank you enough for helping Mary. I am very grateful, and I can tell you my son feels the same way. Would you consider moving to Philadelphia with Mary? She will need someone to help her, and I can think of no better person than you. We have a program in the state that allows family members to be caregivers, and the state pays them. If you do this, Mary can live in an assisted care facility rather than a nursing home. I know it's a lot to ask, and if you say no, I will understand."

"When you get home, send me the information. I need a change of scenery, and once I sell my house, I will have no obligations that tie me to California. Mary needs me, and I want to take care of her."

"That's fantastic news, Barbara. I'll speak to you sometime next week after I've met with my lawyer."

Our next stop is a quick visit with Teresa. "Wow," I say to my dad, "this house is huge. No wonder Kevin felt isolated."

"Money doesn't buy happiness, Jerry."

"No, it doesn't," I say as we walk up the steps. Even the front door is obnoxious. A huge knocker stares me in the face, and I banged it a few times. When the door opens, Teresa looks up at me and smiles.

"Oh, look at you. Kevin is your mirror image. Come in, please. I am so happy to finally meet you."

We follow Teresa into the house, and I immediately feel uncomfortable. The house feels claustrophobic, and I can see why Kevin hated living here. We follow Teresa into the kitchen.

"Please, sit down. Would you like something to eat? Coffee? Tea? A stiff drink?"

"Coffee," we both say at the same time. After Teresa serves us coffee and cake, she sits on the other side of the table.

"How is my boy? I haven't spoken to him in a few days."

I have the unfortunate task of telling Teresa about Mary, my confrontation with Helen, and our visit to the nursing home. Teresa's face turns five shades of green, and her eyes fill with tears.

"I knew something was wrong in this house. The way they treated Kevin was just awful, but I had to hold my tongue. I couldn't risk getting fired. I had to take care of my sweet boy."

"Kevin is very upset by what I've discovered on this trip. I can't thank you enough for taking care of my son. Kevin loves you very much, which brings me to the reason for my visit. My wife Joan and I are expecting twins, and we already have a seven-year-old little girl. We both work full time, and we desperately want to hire you. Kevin told me that you are interested in the position."

Teresa smiles at me. "I am more than interested Mr. Miller. I hate living in this house. This place holds nothing but bad memories, and I can't wait to get the hell out of here. When do you need me?"

"Don't you have any questions about the job, or what your salary will be?"

"No, I have no questions. I'm a lonely woman Mr. Miller. I miss Kevin so much. I love taking care of babies. Kevin told me you have a kind, beautiful wife, and a lovely home. What more do I need to know?"

I laugh. "Well, I guess you're hired. We still have a few months before the babies are born. How soon can you leave this place?"

"I started packing when Kevin told me about the job. I can be out of here by next week. Is that soon enough for you?"

"That's perfect. Teresa, can you tell me a little bit about Kevin's life when he lived here?" Her eyes cloud over, and I am almost afraid of what I am about to hear.

"Mr. and Mrs. Harrington were selfish people. They had money, and everyone else was inferior. I remember when Mary came home. The poor girl cried her eyes out over you Jerry. Mr. Harrington was outraged that she wanted to keep her baby. They fought constantly and used every trick in the book to get her to comply. The stress was too much for her, and Barbara took her from this awful place."

"Mary was sick for most of her pregnancy. I remember the day Kevin was born. I had to tell Mr. Harrington, and he sat stoned face. Kevin was so small but so beautiful. He had thick curly black hair and an angel's face. Both of them knew Mary wanted you to raise your son, and they ignored her wishes. Mrs. Harrington wanted the baby, but Mr. Harrington refused. They argued, and eventually, he gave up. He said that he would support... I can't even say it, it's so ugly... support the bastard child financially, and nothing more."

"Mrs. Harrington realized very quickly that she could not cope with a baby, and asked... no... told me to take care of him. She zoned out, and I became Kevin's caregiver. I love him so much Jerry, and it broke my heart to see Kevin so alone in this world. I didn't know what to do. It was not my place to question them about you, so I kept my thoughts to myself and focused on Kevin. If he had to live in this miserable house, then I wanted to make his life less miserable."

I reach out and hold her hand. "You did an excellent job raising Kevin. He loves you very much. He has a very difficult decision to make, and he will need all of our support. I want you to call me when you've finished packing, and I'll arrange for your flight to Philadelphia."

"That sounds so good. I really want to get out of this house. Thank you for hiring me."

I laugh. "We should be thanking you. My wife will be thrilled to know you've accepted the job."

My father and I spent the next hour getting to know Teresa. She is a lovely woman, and I know that she will be an asset to our family. We leave California in a much better mood than when we arrived.
Chapter 26

Jerry

It's after four in the afternoon when I arrive home. Joan is in the living room watching television, and Kevin is asleep with his head on a pillow on her lap. She raises a finger to her lips. I nod and sit in the recliner. "Is he okay?" I whisper to her.

"It's been a rough day for him. He feels betrayed, and he is upset. It's not easy accepting the truth. I am worried about him." Joan runs her fingers through Kevin's hair, and he sighs and snuggles closer to her. It breaks my heart that even in his sleep, Kevin is reaching out for the love and affection of his step-mother. My mind goes to a dark place when I think about the years he didn't have this with my family. Joan tries to get up, and when she does, Kevin opens his eyes and looks at me. What I see staring back at me are red, bloodshot eyes. Kevin sits up and runs a hand down his face. Joan reaches out to hold his hand.

"Did you sleep well, honey?"

"Yeah, I did Joan. Thanks for letting me use you as a pillow."

Joan leans in and kisses him on the cheek. "Would you feel uncomfortable if I asked you to call me Mom?"

"I'd like that, Mom." I quickly realize that Kevin's leg twitching is his way of coping with his emotions. When I see this again, I get up, sit next to him, and put my hand on his knee. A gentle squeeze is all it takes for him to calm down. Kevin knows that I understand all too well what he is feeling. "Are you up for a short drive? Let's get out of the house for an hour before we eat dinner."

"Oh, um, sure. Let me get my sneakers."

Once Kevin is out of the room, Joan asks me, "Where are you going?"

"We are going to adopt a dog. Watching Kevin sleeping curled up next to you hurts honey. He never had a happy childhood, and after talking to Helen, I can't even imagine what life was like for him. I want my son to have all that he missed in his childhood, and the first order of business is getting a dog."

Joan's eyes fill with tears, and I wrap my arm around her. "Please don't let him see you crying. The next few months are going to be difficult for him. Let's keep the atmosphere as positive as possible. He's had enough sadness in his life."

'Okay, I get it. I'll cry on your shoulder. I won't let Kevin see me crying."

"Thanks, honey. I am sure I will love the extra snuggle time."

*****

"So where are we going?" Kevin asks as I back up and out of the driveway.

"It's a secret. I want to get something for you."

"You don't have to do that. I don't need anything."

"Ah, but do you want something? I think you want what I want to give you."

"Why are you so cryptic?"

"Humor me, and once we get there, if you don't want it, I will understand."

"Are you always like this?" Kevin asks with humor in his voice.

"Like what?" I ask him.

"Evasive. You are evasive. Is this a character trait?"

"Well, no. I am usually direct, but I'm busting your balls. I want to get this for you."

"Oh, okay, you're driving."

We arrive at our destination quickly, and when Kevin sees where we are, the leg starts twitching again. "Why are we at the animal shelter?"

"I thought it was the right time that you had a dog, and since you are now living with us, I think my kids, especially you, need a dog."

"You want to get me a dog? Why?"

"Why? Because this is one of the things that I missed out on when you were a small boy. I want to get my son a dog. End of conversation. You coming with me?"

"Damn right I am. I never had a dog."

"You can have as many as you fucking want. I have a huge backyard."

Kevin and I decide to adopt two pugs, one for him, and one for Evie. They are so frigging cute. Once we leave the shelter, I drive to the nearest pet shop to pick up supplies, and we drive home. I look in the rearview mirror and see both dogs climbing all over my son, and the smile that lights up his face more than makes up for the dogs pissing and shitting on my wood floors. Kevin names them Rocky and Appollo. My son is a Rocky fan. How righteous!! When we arrive home, Evie is home from school, and when she sees the dogs, the ear piercing scream that escapes her lips has Joan running from the kitchen.

"What the hell.... oh, aren't they so cute."

"Yep. Two male dogs. Kevin named them Rocky and Appollo."

"Oh no," Joan groans, "another Rocky fanatic!"

"Which one is mine?" Evie screams.

Kevin sits on the floor next to Evie. "We have to wait and let the dogs pick who they want as their human friend." The two of them sit patiently, waiting for the puppies to move. Joan and I move out of the way. Several minutes later, Rocky starts sniffing his surroundings and slowly crawls towards Evie. When the puppy crawls into her lap, Evie wraps her arms around the dog. She looks up at me with glistening eyes. "Is he mine, Daddy?"

"Yes, he is, and you have to take care of him. That means taking him for a walk, feeding and bathing him, and cleaning up after Rocky when he pees on the floor. Rocky needs fresh air and play time. It's a big responsibility taking care of a dog."

"I promise Daddy. I will take good care of Rocky. Thank you, Daddy. I love my dog."

Kevin looks up at me and smiles. "What she said. Thanks, Dad. I love my dog."

*****

Kevin and I meet with Lincoln Marshall to discuss Mary's guardianship. He is not happy that I have obtained Mary's medical records.

"You do know that this information is not admissible in court."

"Yes, I know this, and we need to find another way to dissolve Helen's guardianship."

Lincoln looks through the file again. "There is no mention of Mary's ability to speak. Why is that?"

"I don't know. Mary's cousin Barbara was surprised to know she can speak." My phone vibrates with a message. It's from Mary.

I like this phone. I don't stutter when I type.

I am glad you like the phone. Did Barbara show you how to use it?

Yes, it is easy, and now I can talk to my son.

He is here with me. Do you want to say hello?

Oh yes, please.

I show the text to Lincoln and smile. "Very competent, wouldn't you say so?"

"Yes, I would."

I hand the phone to Kevin. He looks down at the text message and smiles at me.

Hi, Mom. Are you okay?

Yes, now that I can speak to you. I am okay. Are you okay?

I'm great Mom.

When can you visit me?

Kevin shows me the message. "Tell your mother we will visit her this weekend."

Dad said we could come to visit this weekend.

I am so happy Kevin, and can't wait to see you.

Can't wait to see you, Mom. Have to go. Dad and I are with the lawyer.

Is it about me?

Yes. We are figuring a way to get you out of there.

Fingers crossed. Talk to you soon. Love you, my baby.

Love you too Mom.

I once again show the text to Lincoln. "We have to get her out of there. What can we do? How do we appoint a new guardian for Mary?"

"The power to remove a guardian rests exclusively with the court that appointed the guardian in the first place. It is up to the court to decide if the guardian is unfit for his or her duties, whether the ward no longer needs a custodian, or whether it might be in Mary's best interests to have a new guardian. In this case, we will file a petition with the court to appoint Mary's son Kevin as her legal guardian. Kevin is of legal age, and with you and your family to assist Kevin, the only obstacle will be if the court denies the petition."

"I don't see why the court would object. We have three doctors, a nurse, and a pharmacist in our family. I am a neurologist, and who is better qualified to oversee Mary's health care?"

"Courts are given broad discretion when it comes to deciding whether or not to remove a guardian. Many state laws have a list of specific grounds for the removal of a guardian. A common ground for removal is when it is in the best interests of the ward. Other common grounds for removal include conviction of a felony, disobedience of court orders, failure to use the funds for his or her support properly, improper handling of assets, or the departure of the guardian from the state. We have the burden of proof Jerry, and if Kevin is unable to prove neglect, the guardian generally cannot be removed."

"Does Mary's testimony hold weight with the court?"

"It does if she can clearly and succinctly make her wishes known to the court."

"Let me get back to you once we've visited Mary."

"I think that is a good idea. Mary's text demonstrates that she can communicate who she wants and does not want as her guardian."

I am more than certain that she does not want Helen as her guardian.

*****

Joan

The following weekend, the entire family flies out to California with Kevin. Today is Evie's first trip on a plane, and she has a death grip on Kevin's hand. It makes my heart happy seeing my baby thriving and happy. Evie is out and about every weekend and drags us everywhere. Gone is the frightened child, and in her place is a happy, confident child. Currently, Evie has her face glued to the window, and she is fascinated with the clouds. Jerry looks over at me and winks. That man makes my insides flutter every time he looks at me. I am a very lucky woman!

Jerry and I sit across the aisle, and I know he is concerned about Kevin. They have exchanged texts with Mary all week, but this is Kevin's first face-to-face meeting. I want to meet Mary for no other reason than she is Kevin's mother. My mind tells me that Jerry and Kevin are doing what is best for Mary. She can't stay in California because that would mean Kevin would not be living with us, and that is unacceptable to Jerry. My heart, however, is a little jealous because Mary was his first love, and she still holds a special place in his heart. I know Jerry loves me. I feel his love every minute of the day, but that doesn't stop me from feeling slightly apprehensive. How will our lives change once Mary is in Philadelphia? We talked a lot about this during the week. I am not a jealous person by nature, but in the back of my mind, I wonder about Jerry's motives. My mind races as I stare out at the clouds, and then I feel Jerry hold my hand.

"Why are you so quiet? Do you feel okay?"

"I feel fine. I am castigating myself for feeling jealous of Mary."

Jerry looks at me with a shocked expression on his face. "Why on earth would you be jealous of Mary?"

"Oh, I don't know. I guess it's because Mary was your first love, and a part of your heart still feels love for her. I know it's crazy feeling this way. I just can't get it to stop looping around in my brain."

'Honey, look at me." Jerry says with love in his voice. "It's true that I will always have a connection with Mary. She is Kevin's mother. You know my story. You know everything. I've kept no secrets from you sweetheart. Mary is my past, you and our children are my future. I could not live with myself if I left Mary alone in that awful place. Mary no longer needs the care that they provide. How could I live with myself if I did not help her, and in helping Mary, I make my son happy? Once we have Mary in her new residence, Kevin can relax and finally have the relationship with his mother that was denied him for nineteen years."

"When you put it that way, I feel ashamed of what I just said. Blame it on the pregnancy hormones. I am twisted up inside because I have strong feelings for Kevin. I want us to be a family."

"We already are a family, and it's about to get bigger. I want you to remember that whatever happens with Mary, you are the love of my life. It was different with Mary." Jerry moves closer and whispers to me, "What I feel for you is soul deep. Really really deep. So deep I could lose myself in you. When I make love to you, the world doesn't exist. It's just you and me, skin to skin, soul to soul. Our bodies fit together so perfect baby. Never doubt my love for you."

One of the babies decides it's time to kick Mommy. I grab Jerry's hand and place it on my stomach.

"I never get tired of feeling the babies kick and move around. I swear, last night I thought I saw a foot moving around your belly."

"It's getting hard working through the day. My back hurts at the end of the day. I think I need to speak to my doctor about early maternity leave. It feels like my stomach expanded a few inches this week."

"I think that's a good idea. Your due date is three months away, and I want you to relax before the babies are born. Don't forget about Teresa. You will have full-time help with the house and the babies."

"Thank you, Jesus!"

*****

When we de-plane, and I turn on my phone, several texts pop up. It's Mary.

Are you still visiting me today?

Is Kevin with you?

When will you be here?

I respond while we wait for our luggage.

We just got off the plane, and we are waiting for the luggage. Kevin, my wife, and daughter are with us. They can't wait to meet you. We will be there in about two hours.

Mary responds immediately.

I am so happy. Can't wait to see my son and your family. See you soon.

I show the text to Joan. "It's sad how lonely she is in that place. I have a meeting with Lincoln next week. He told me that he had contacted Helen and she is receptive to a change in guardianship. I knew the bitch would dump Mary at the first opportunity."

"Wow, you must hate her."

"I hate what she did to Kevin. I hate what all of them did to Kevin. It makes me sick when I think about it. I am determined to make his life happy."

"The past few weeks have been relaxing for him. Getting the dogs is a good idea because Kevin and Evie now share a common bond. She loves having a big brother."

When I look over at my children, my heart does a little flip-flop. I love them so much.

*****

Kevin is five shades of green. "I feel sick. Can you pull over the car?"

I get off the highway at the next exit and pull over. Kevin is out of the car and vomiting what we just ate for lunch. I get out of the car and help him the best I can. Another round soon follows. The only thing I can do for my son is to hold him in my arms.

"My stomach is killing me," he says several minutes later. We walk back to the car and lean against the side of the car.

"It's your nerves, Kevin. Today is a big day for you."

"I am terrified, Dad. I don't know what to say to her."

"The two of you have been talking to each other all week. Why are you nervous now?"

"It's because I am finally going to see my mother. I can't get past the fact that my family lied to me."

"We cannot change the past Kevin. Your mother needs you now more than ever. She has no one to help her. Do you think Helen will take care of her? It's up to us to do what is best for your mother. How do you feel now? Is it safe to get back in the car?"

"I feel better now that I got rid of lunch."

I wrap my arms around my son, and he rests his head on my shoulder. His arms go around my waist, and he holds on tight. No words pass between us. When Kevin is once again in control of his emotions, he gets back into the car. Kevin rests his head on the back of the seat and closes his eyes. Joan and I share a quick glance, and I put the car in drive.

When we arrive at Sunrise, it surprises me when I see Barbara and Mary sitting on the wrap around porch. Mary looks different today. Her hair looks clean, and she is wearing makeup. Barbara stands to greet me.

"Hi, Jerry. It's nice seeing you again. Mary and I were having a little conversation. Someone has been keeping secrets from me!"

I glance at Mary, and she gives me a crooked smile. Kevin is hiding behind me. I move out of the way, and Mary and Kevin stare at each other for several very long seconds. Mary raises her shaking arms and Kevin catapults to her side and is on his knees in front of her wheelchair. Both of them are crying. Mary's movements are uncoordinated, but Kevin doesn't notice. All he sees is his mother. All he feels is her shaky hand brushing his hair.

"Mmyyyy bbbaabbyy. Ssssoo bbbeeeaaaautttiiffuull. Mmyyy bbbaaabbbyyy!"

"Mom, oh Mom, I can't believe this is happening."

Joan moves closer to me, and I hold her in my arms. My face is wet with tears, and so is everyone else. Even Evie is crying. She takes a tentative step towards Mary and stands by her wheelchair.

"Hi, Mary. I'm Kevin's sister Evie. Can I hold your hand?"

Mary places her arm on the side of her chair, and Evie holds her hand. Kevin reaches up and puts his hand over theirs. I will never forget the sight of their joined hands. I look at Joan again, and there are tears in her eyes. She whispers to me, "She belongs at home with us."

I let out a deep breath and kiss my wife.

*****

Barbara leads us into the recreation room where we see several families visiting patients. Mary looks around the room, and I can see the sadness in her eyes. Kevin sits as close to her as possible and holds her hand. To make it easy for Mary to communicate, I purchased a small notebook computer which will allow Mary to type her responses. I wonder when she last had speech therapy. I make a mental note to check her file. Once the computer is set up and placed on her lap, her fingers fly across the keyboard.

I am so happy to see all of you. My baby is so handsome. You look like your father.

"Thanks, Mom. Granny Catherine tells me that every day. I live with Dad and Joan."

Hello, Joan. It is so nice to meet you. Congratulations, Jerry told me about the babies.

"Thank you, Mary. I can't wait for these two to be born. My back is killing me."

I wish I could remember more about my life before this happened, Jerry. Barbara told me some things. It makes me sad. My parents hurt me.

"I know Mary. I was angry when I heard what they did to Kevin. I read your letter, and it touched me deeply. What matters now is that we have our son in our lives. I am working with Helen through my lawyer to change guardianship to Kevin, and once we resolve the issue with Helen, we can get you out of here."

Joan, how do you feel about all of this? I do not want to disrupt your life. Do you resent me?

"You are Kevin's mother. How could I resent you when you did nothing wrong? The circumstances that brought us together are unique, but we will be a family. Family means everything, Mary. We want you to be near us."

Barbara told me that she is coming with me. I am so happy. I love you, Barbara.

"I love you too Mary, only next time, don't keep secrets from me. You had me talking to myself for several years! Why didn't you say anything to me when I visited you?"

I had nothing to say. This place is depressing. I hate it here. After mother had died, my father came once to tell me she died and never came back. I was all alone. Lost the will to live. Lost my voice. Lost my baby. I sacrificed so much to give you life Kevin. So happy to see you.

'You did the right thing, Mom. I am grateful that you gave me life. I am thankful that I get to sit here today and speak to you. Whatever happens in the future, I will always take care of you, because you are my mother, and I love you. I never thought I would say those words. I love you, Mom."

I love you too, my precious baby.
Chapter 18

Joan

One year later

I roll over expecting to feel Jerry's warm body, but I only find an empty bed. I glance quickly at the clock. It's three in the morning. I lay in the dark for a few minutes, and then I hear it. Jerry is in the nursery with Nicholas. Our babies had been born a little over six months ago, and they have quickly overtaken the house. I am up to my eyeballs in diapers, bottles, and throw up. I don't remember Evie hurling as much as Jessica does, or maybe I just blocked it out of my mind.

I am so thankful that we have Teresa. My mother moved back into our old house, and with the insurance money, she re-furnished the house. Teresa now lives in the apartment. I couldn't do this without her. I get up and walk through the connecting door in our bedroom that leads to the nursery. Jerry had the brilliant idea to connect the rooms, and when he first suggested it, I did not like the idea of installing a sliding door in the middle of the room. Now, I like it very much because it's much easier taking care of the babies.

I stand in the doorway and watch Jerry sway from side to side as he tries to calm Nicky. His steady hand expertly soothes our son. "What's wrong little man? Why are you so fussy tonight? It's okay, Nicky. Daddy has you. We need to be quiet. You don't want to wake up Jessica, do you? Have mercy on me, Nicky. Two screaming babies at this time of night are not good, man."

There is something in the tone of Jerry's voice that works wonders with Nicky. I've tried this several times when he's up at night, and nothing works for me. I tiptoe into the room and stand next to Jerry. Nicky's eyes open and close with the constant swaying. I whisper, "He'll be asleep in a few minutes."

"I hope so. I don't want to be tired today. I've waited too long for this day to be tired."

"Do you want me to buzz Teresa?"

"No, let her sleep. She'll have her hands full today because we will be too busy getting married... again."

Jerry places Nicky in his crib, and bends down and gives him a gentle kiss on the forehead. One last check on Jessica, who sleeps soundly, and we walk back to our bedroom. We go back to bed, and Jerry pulls me into his warm body. I love when we sleep like this. We've been talking about having one more baby, and my body is telling me now is the time. We've been using condoms, so when I reach behind him and stroke his cock, he reaches over to the nightstand and grabs a strip. "Put them back," I whisper.

"Really? Are you sure?"

"I am very sure. I want another baby."

"Well, who am I to deny you anything, my love."

The slow build to arousal has my heart pounding in my chest. "This never gets old, does it?" Jerry whispers in my ear.

"No," I say breathlessly, "It only gets better."

"Damn right it does," Jerry grunts as he thrusts into me.

"Lift your leg baby, and wrap it around me."

I do as he asks and I feel him sink further into me, stretching me, filling me, owning me. It's always like this when we make love. Slow, shallow thrusts, followed by hard, deep domination.

"That's it, baby, squeeze my cock. You know how I like it."

I do know how he likes it. A few quick squeezes and I feel Jerry tense behind me.

"Fuck," he grunts, "Keep it up, baby."

I squeeze again, and then I feel the warmth spread through me. Jerry continues to thrust into me until he goes soft.

"Jesus, what you do to me woman!"

I turn around and lift my legs up in the air, using the wall for support. Jerry laughs at me.

"Hey, don't laugh. I need to give the little guys a swimming chance. It's easier this way because your sperm will flow to where it should be. Mark my words, I will be pregnant in a few months. Set the alarm on your phone for thirty minutes."

He laughs again. "Wouldn't want you to fall asleep in that position."

Thirty minutes later, Jerry pulls me into him, and I drift off to sleep.

*****

It is nine in the morning, and the house is already in panic mode. Teresa bathes the babies, and Evie is running around the house chasing Rocky. I need to escape the bedlam and run upstairs to take a long hot bath and think about all that we have shared the past eighteen months. My life is so different since I've met Jerry. I have a beautiful family, children that I love unconditionally, and new friends.

Mary and Barbara are as tight as thieves. Once a month, we have them over for dinner. I've noticed several times that Chris has his eye on Barbara. I need to light the fire under Chris' ass. The change in Mary since she moved to Philadelphia is remarkable. Once we had her settled in her new apartment, Jerry reached out to a few friends who specialize in speech therapy. It was hard work for Mary, and after many months of treatment, she is now able to speak without the stutter. The mobility in her arms has also improved with physical therapy. It sickens me when I think about how her parents shut her away and never got Mary the proper medical care.

I hear a knock on the door. "It's me, honey. Can I come in?"

"Sure, Mom."

My mother sits on the vanity chair and lets out a deep breath. "It's a madhouse downstairs. I need to escape for a few minutes. Catherine has Evie strapped to a chair while she fixes her hair. Teresa had to change Jessica because she threw up her formula. Nicky is sleeping. I am tired, and it's only ten-thirty. Do you have everything packed?"

"Yes. I checked everything last night. After I get out of the tub, I'm heading to Catherine's house to drop off my dress, then to the salon to get my hair fixed."

"You will be a beautiful bride, honey. I know the two of you have waited a long time for this day. Catherine and I worked very hard to give you the wedding that you have always wanted. No, correct that. You never had the wedding that I wanted you to have when you married Roger. This time, it's all about you honey. I am so proud of you."

"Aw, Mom, I love you. I know it wasn't easy giving up your life in New York to follow me. I feel like someone else lived that life. Everything is so different since I've met Jerry. I am different, and so is Evie."

"That's because you have a husband who puts the needs of his family before his own. I miss living with all of you, but there's no room for me now, and that's okay. When the babies are a little older, I can babysit."

"I miss you too, mom, but it is time for you to resume your life. Get out and meet new people. It's time you had a man in your life." I watch my mother's face turn five shades of red. "Mom, you're blushing. Are you keeping secrets from me?"

"Of course... not. Oh hell, alright, I'll tell you. I have a new neighbor. His wife died last year, and he downsized. I invited him over for dinner a few days ago. It's nice having someone my age to talk to, and who can relate because we are the same age. I miss that with your father. It's been a long time since I've felt content, I guess you could say. Um, I want to ask, and it's okay if you say no, but I want to bring John to the reception. It's an open buffet, and we have plenty of food. I think he will enjoy being around other people."

"Of course you can bring him. I'd like to meet the man who has my mother's attention. I need to check him out!"

"You will do no such thing, young lady. I am still your mother." Changing the subject, she says, "I have something for you. I want you to wear it today and give it to Evie on her wedding day."

I get out of the tub, grab a towel, and walk into the bedroom. My mother follows me. She pats the mattress, and I sit next to her. She has a small velvet pouch in her hand.

"This engagement ring belonged to my mother. It didn't feel right giving this to you until now because I know what you have with Jerry will last a lifetime. I want you to wear it today as something old. When Evie gets married, I want you to give it to her."

My blurry eyes focus on the most beautiful piece of early twentieth-century art deco ring that I have ever seen. The center diamond is a light canary yellow and must be at least two carats, and set in a beautiful platinum rectangular ring, with small round diamonds surrounding the center stone. I hold out my right hand, which is now shaking, and my mother slides the ring onto my finger. "It's a perfect fit."

"I took it to the jeweler a few weeks ago and made sure that all of the stones are set securely, and had it sized to fit your finger. Do you like it?"

"Do I like it? Mom, it's beautiful. I don't know what to say!"

"I promised my mother that I would give this to you on your wedding day. I couldn't do it the first time, but now is the right time, and I want you to have your grandmother with you today."

At a loss for words, I hug my mother as the tears stream down my face. Jerry picks this exact moment to come into the bedroom, and when he sees me crying, he is on his knees at my feet in a matter of seconds.

"What's wrong?" He asks me while his hand glides up my leg. I thrust my hand into his face and Jerry smiles.

"Oh, I see Mom finally gave you her mother's ring."

"You knew about it?"

"Of course I did. I had to sneak one of your rings out of your jewelry box to have it sized properly."

I shake my head. "I am a hot mess. I need to get moving. It's bad luck to see the bride before the wedding."

Jerry leans in and whispers to me, "I've seen all of you baby. No hiding from me now."

*****

Round two of the emotional merry-go-round happens when I get to Catherine's house. After I deposit my dress and bag in one of the bedrooms, Steve and Catherine corner me in the hallway, and Catherine is holding a small gift bag. I walk back into the bedroom, and they follow me. Steve stands by the door. I can always tell when he is nervous because he gets this don't mess with me look on his face, and he crosses his arms over his chest. Why is he nervous? Catherine sits next to me on the bed, and she holds my hand.

"We want to talk to you before the wedding, Joan. I want to tell you a story. You never knew Jerry when he was a young man. The day he met Mary, his attitude about life changed. He wanted a wife, and children, the white picket fence, and dogs in the yard. The two of them were ambitious and had their entire life plan mapped out before they became engaged. It was an exciting time in his young life, but all of that changed the day Mary left him standing at the altar."

"My son withdrew into himself to the point that he avoided his family. Ethan and Diane were newly married, and it upset Jerry terribly. We tried talking to him, but Jerry shut us out. Those were the worst years of his young life. Jerry floated through life. He likes to think that we didn't know about the women in his life. Believe me, we knew and didn't like it. Jerry ran from commitment. Some of the women Jerry dated would have been perfect for him, but he always saw a flaw and blew it out of proportion. We gave up trying to help him and let him live life, how he saw fit. I wasn't happy about it, but there is only so much a parent can do for an adult child."

"Then he met you, and for the first time since he was a young man, my son is happy. You are the love of his life. You are a caring, beautiful woman, who makes my son smile again. You've opened your heart and home to Kevin and Mary. It takes a strong woman to be so kind and loving, and Dad and I love you very much."

"Which brings me to your wedding present." Catherine hands me the gift bag. "Dad and I want to give you something new."

My hand shakes as I reach into the bag. The ring on my finger glints and catches my eye, and then my hand touches a bracelet box. I'm almost afraid to open it, but when I do, my breath catches in my throat, and I burst into tears. Steve finally walks over and sits next to me. His strong arm wraps around me, and I lean on him for support. I feel like my legs just turned to rubber. I stare down at the box again, but my vision blurs from the constant outpour of tears. In the box is a bracelet designed to be a replica of my grandmother's ring, covered in pave' diamonds. Steve takes the box from my hand and places the bracelet on my wrist. My eyes are transfixed as I stare at my wrist. "I... I don't know what to say. I love both of you so much. All I can say is thank you from the bottom of my heart."

"Thank you, sweetheart, for making our son happy. That's all we've ever wanted for Jerry, and he found that happiness with you."

*****

I knew it was risky getting married in winter, and when I walk out of Catherine's house, there is a light dusting of snow on the ground. My heart does a little happy dance because I will finally have the wedding that I've always wanted. I don't care about the snow. I get in my car and drive to the salon to do something with my hair. Jerry likes my hair down around my shoulders, and I want something simple. My veil is also simple but elegant, and I want a few flowers weaved into my hair.

As I sit in the chair, my mind wanders back to the past year. It's taken this long for Jerry and me to have our perfect wedding. I remember when I first moved to Philadephia. I thought I would never find love again, then a chance meeting with Jerry changed everything for me. He stood by me during the worst months of my life. I have thought a lot about Roger the past few weeks. Roger refuses to relinquish his parental rights, and Jerry is unable to adopt Evie. It doesn't matter to him, because in his heart, Evie is his daughter. I know at some point in the future, Evie will ask about her father, and we will tell her the truth.

I've had enough of thinking about the past. Today is my wedding day, and it will be everything that I have dreamed about since I was a little girl. My body is finally back to normal, and I can't believe we are planning to have another child. I think back to last night and pray that the little buggers took root. I want one more baby.

"Okay, Joan. You're all done." I hear Melissa say. When she turns the chair around to face the mirror, I stare at my reflection. My hair and makeup are perfect, and I suck in a breath as Melissa secures my veil and weaves a few flowers behind my ear.

"Oh, I love my hair. Thank you, Melissa."

"You're welcome, and congratulations on your wedding renewal. How are the kids?"

"They are perfect," I say to her. Perfect, just like my life.

*****

"Oh, Joan, you look beautiful," I hear my mom say as I stand in front of the mirror. I don't recognize myself. My dress is simple but classic, and I have a little white fur coat to wear over my dress. My hand goes up to my neck, and I caress the diamond necklace that I have worn since last summer. I feel like a princess. Something old, my grandmother's ring. Something new, the bracelet from my in-laws. Something borrowed, my mother's diamond stud earrings. Something blue, Evie's hair ribbon stuffed into my bra. I turn around to face my mom.

"Am I missing anything?"

"No, honey, you look like a fairy princess."

"I feel like a princess. I have waited so long for this day. I want to pinch myself to make sure I am not dreaming." I turned around one last time to check myself in the mirror, and my mom lifts the back of my dress and helps me down the steps. The last thing that I need is to trip on my dress.

*****

Where is Jerry? I've called the house several times, and I have also called his cell phone. He's not picking up, and I am beginning to worry. Mom and Dad, however, are as cool as ice. What's going on? I am in my wedding dress, and Evie is having a hard time sitting still in her dress.

"Mommy, where is Daddy? I want to go to the wedding."

"Daddy will be here soon honey. He probably had something to do."

No sooner had I said the words when my phone rings. I lurch for it, and the amount of relief that I feel when I hear Jerry's voice scares me. I am so bound to him that the thought of something happening to Jerry frightens me.

"Where are you?" I practically scream into the phone. "I have been calling you for almost an hour."

"I am sorry honey. I left my phone on the dining room table. I had something to do before the wedding, and I realized I didn't have my phone. Kevin went home to get it for me."

"Where are you?"

"Go to the window, honey. I have a surprise for you."

"This better be a goddamn good surprise for scaring the shit out of me."

"Oh, it is sweetheart, it is."

When I walk to the window and pull back the thick curtains, my heart beats wildly in my chest. I am looking at a white carriage, with dark red velvet seats and hood, and a beautiful white horse. Mom and Dad stand behind me, obviously pleased that they kept the secret. Dad laughs at me, and I turn to face him. "You knew about this, didn't you?"

"Of course I knew."

I fan my face because if I cry, I will mess up my makeup. The front door opens and in walks Mike, his black coat covered with a light dusting of snow. He walks over to me and kisses my cheek.

"You look beautiful Joan. Jerry wants me to be your official escort to the church. He wants our father to be with you today."

I want to cry, but hold back the tears again. Evie has her face glued to the window. "Mommy, it's a horse. It's pretty."

"How would you like to ride to the church in the carriage?"

"Can I Mommy?"

Catherine helps me into my coat. I chose a short white faux fur coat with rhinestone buttons. It works well with my dress. Once we have our coats on, Mom and Dad help me navigate the snowy sidewalk and helps me into the carriage. Evie climbs in next to me, while Mike sits to my left. The carriage is so beautiful and reminds me of my father. The seats are a dark red color, and with the hood up, my mind flashes back to the many carriage rides I shared with my dad. I so wish he could be with me today, but in my heart, Daddy is always with me.

It feels magical as we traverse the streets that lead to the church. The snow falls lightly, and as it swirls around us, a sense of contentment that I have never known warms my heart. I finally have the wedding that I've dreamed about for so long. I always want to remember this day.

*****

When we arrive at the church, some of the neighbors that live across the street come out to see the bride. It's a tradition that the neighbors across the street from the church sit in the church, and even on a day such as this, everyone is standing on the sidewalk clapping and shouting congratulations. Mom and Dad once again help me out of the carriage and up the steps to the church. As soon as we open the door, the melodic sound of pipe music fills my ears. We walk to the side room, take off our coats, and I check my hair and veil. Everything is still in place, and I breathe a sigh of relief. I want this day to be perfect.

"I am honored to walk you down the aisle honey," Steve says. "We lost so much when our babies left us. It makes my heart happy filling in for your father."

"But you are my father, and I love you very much."

"Aw, don't make me cry, honey. It's unseemly for an old fart to cry."

When the organist plays the wedding march, I place my hand in the crook of Steve's arm, and the double doors open. The church pews are festooned with red ribbons and white lilies. The two moms did an excellent job decorating the church. The walk up the aisle seems to take forever. I want to run to Jerry and have him hold me in his arms. As I look at the people who share this special day with us, I am humbled and honored to call them friends.

Barbara and Mary have become my sisters from another mother. I never expected to form such a close bond with them, but thanks to Kevin, Mary has become an integral part of our family. I look over to where Teresa sits, and she expertly manages to control two six-month-old babies. Evie walks in front of us, and she is so cute because she very deliberately places just the right amount of rose petals on the marble floor. Dad looks at me and whispers, "She takes her job very seriously!"

When we reach the altar, Dad kisses my cheek and takes his seat next to Mom. Jerry reaches out to hold my hand, and together, we take the few steps up to the altar. It's at that moment that two restless babies decide to pierce the sound barrier. Jerry and I look at each other, turn around, and walk over to where Teresa sits. Jerry picks up Nicky, who is so cute in his little black velvet suit, and I hold Jessica who wears an adorable red velvet dress. Together, my family walks to the altar, and Father Bannon smiles at us. Evie, feeling left out, stands in front of Jerry.

"Jerry and Joan Miller would like to thank everyone for sharing this special day with them. Jerry and Joan have written vows to share with us today."

Jerry turns to face me. "There are no words to describe how much I love you. I cannot breathe without you, Joan. I want everyone to know that you are the love of my life, my reason for existing, and the joy that fills my soul. Today we renew the commitment that we made to each other, and as I stand here before you today, holding our son in my arms, I feel blessed beyond measure. I love you, Joan, with all that I am, and with all that I will ever be."

Tears well in my eyes, and I do nothing to stop them. "Jerry, the day that I met you, I knew that my life would never be the same. You opened your heart to Evie and me, and you loved us without conditions, and without reservations. I never knew I could love someone so fiercely, but I do, Jerry. You overwhelm me with your love, your dedication, and your weird sense of humor. You made me laugh on days when I felt like crying. You held me up when I thought I would fall. My life is richer for having you in it. When I take my final breath, it will be your name on my lips as I close my eyes."

Father Bannon continues the ceremony. "Do you Jerry, take Joan to be your wife. Do you promise to be true to her in good times and in bad, in sickness and in health? Will you love and honor her all the days of your life?"

"I will."

"Do you Joan, take Jerry to be your husband. Do you promise to be true to him in good times and in bad, in sickness and in health? Will you love and honor him all the days of your life?"

"I will."

"By the powers vested in me, I now pronounce you husband and wife, and if it's okay with the little ones, you may kiss the bride."

Jerry and I share a tender kiss as Nicky and Jess smack our faces, and hand in hand, we walk down the aisle with our children in our arms. The future is uncertain, but as long as I have Jerry by my side, nothing is impossible.

Bonus Story
Chapter 1

Evie

Twelve years later

This year has been a sad year for my family. Grandpa Steve died last year, and Granny Catherine died in January. Granny Beverly lives in Florida with her friend, and we hardly see her. It feels strange sometimes because I miss them so much. Dad tries to hide how he feels, but I can see it in his eyes. There is an emptiness in our hearts for our loved ones who are no longer with us.

I just graduated from high school, and in September I will be a freshman at Temple. Time goes by so fast. I remember when I first met Doctor Jerry. I still laugh when I think about it. I was a frightened little girl, afraid of everything, but Dad loved me just as I was. My parents never talk about what happened in New York, but I know it had something to do with my biological father. I never talk about him, and neither does my mom and dad.

A few weeks ago, I started researching what happened to him, and I was shocked and upset when I found a news article about my grandfather Clifford. Now I know what happened to Dad's shoulder. It wasn't an accident. It was a bullet that hurt my father. Dad protected my mom with his body, which makes me love my dad more if that's even possible. My biological father is alive and in a psychiatric hospital.

I want to do something special for my dad this year because he feels lost without Granny and Gramps. I want to initiate the adoption process, and I know of only one person who can help me. I want to be known as Evelyn Miller, and I won't stop until I make that happen.

*****

I decide to visit Uncle Chris and take the bus to City Hall. He still works in the District Attorney's office. I am not sure how he will react when I make my request, but I have no choice. I want to do this for the only father that I have ever known. Uncle Chris is surprised to see me.

"What are you doing here, Evie? Not that I am unhappy to see you, just a little surprised. You've never visited me at work before. What's up?"

"Um, well, I need a favor."

He points to the chair in front of his desk. "Why don't you sit down and talk to me. What's wrong, Evie. You look nervous."

"I am nervous because I have wanted this for a long time."

"You know I'll help you if I can. Talk to me."

Taking a deep breath, I say, "I want you to prepare adoption papers. I want Dad to adopt me. I've done a little investigating, and the law states that once I turn eighteen, in August, the parental rights of my biological father no longer exist."

"Your father will go nuts when you give this to him. He's tried before to adopt you, but he always had a roadblock."

"My biological father?"

"Yes. Roger is a sick man, and you can't reason with a sick man."

"He hurt my dad, didn't he?"

"He hurt a lot of people, and Roger is where he needs to be."

"In Lakeview Psychiatric Hospital."

"How do you know this?"

"Research, Uncle Chris. I needed to know if the adoption is possible, so I did a little research. He shot my dad in the shoulder."

"How much do you know?"

"Enough to know that I love my dad very much. He protected my mom that day, and he could have died."

"Do your parent's know you've been snooping around in the past?"

"No, but I will tell them once you have the adoption papers. My dad has been so sad since Granny and Gramps died. I thought this would be a great present for him."

"It will be a fantastic present. I'll start working on it today."

"Thanks, Uncle Chris. Don't say anything until it's official."

*****

I am in a fantastic mood when I return home, but as soon as I walk in the door, my mood goes down the toilet. I hear crying coming from the kitchen. My first thought is that something happened to Granny Beverly. My knee-jerk reaction is to run into the kitchen, but there is something in the tone of my dad's voice that stops me.

"We need to tell Evie the truth. She is old enough to understand what happened to Roger. What if he tries to contact her directly? I don't want my daughter to get hurt again. It's time we talked to her."

My mother's voice is full of anger. "Why is Roger still fucking with our lives? Hasn't he done enough fucking damage to last a lifetime?"

Wow. I have never heard my mother use the f-bomb. I move a few steps closer to the kitchen.

"Honey, we have raised an intelligent and caring daughter. Is it so impossible to believe that she doesn't have questions? Just because she hasn't asked them, doesn't mean they are not in her head. It's time, honey."

"I don't fucking like it!"

"Neither do I, baby."

I hear the chair scrape across the floor, and I run to the door and open it. I shout out, "Hey, is anybody home?"

"In the kitchen," I hear my mom yell back at me. I don't want my mother agonizing over her decision, and vow to keep my reaction as neutral as possible. My mom tries to hide the fact that she has been crying, but I see it. I glance at my dad, and he sits upright in his chair.

"Mom, what's going on? Why have you been crying?"

"I am not crying," she says defensively.

"You are a terrible liar. Your nose is beet red. What is it, Mom?"

Dad reaches across the table to hold her hand and mine. "Honey, we have something to tell you, and it's hard for us discussing this, but it's time you knew the truth about your biological father and the reason why I am still unable to adopt you."

I sit in stunned silence as my parents tell me every gruesome detail of how Roger made their lives miserable. Dad shows me the scar from the bullet. It surprises me that I have never seen the injury before today. My mother weeps several times as Dad tells me about their life before the divorce. I don't remember much about that time. Maybe I blocked it out as a defense mechanism. The abuse, the drug addiction, all of it is so hard to hear.

"We never wanted you to know any of this Evie. Dad and I worked so hard to give you a happy life, and once again, Roger is attempting to disrupt our lives. I won't let that happen."

I squeeze my mom's hand. "He can't hurt us, and do you know why?" My mom shakes her head no. "It's because the love that we have for each other is stronger than his hate. Love is stronger than hate. I am no longer a scared, frightened little girl, Mom. I have a strong will, and nothing that Roger says or does will affect me. He can't hurt me because I won't let him. It's that simple."

I watch as my mom twists an envelope in her hand. Dad sees me looking at it. "You received a letter today from Roger. Do you want to read it?"

"Yes, I would like to read what he has to say." Mom hands me the letter, and I put my hand over hers to stop the shaking. She gives me a weak smile as I open the letter, and read it to my parents.

Dear Evie,

I have wanted to write to you for a very long time, but something always stopped me. I have made many mistakes in my life, and the biggest mistake that I ever made was hurting you and your mother. I had a good life, a wife that loved me, a beautiful daughter, and a promising career. I destroyed everything that was good in my life. I have no one to blame but me. Nothing can erase the past. I have tried many times to forget about the day I held a gun in my hand and hurt another person. I fear that my mental illness will one day end my life. If that's what it takes to stop this torture, I happily wait for it to happen, because living in this hell is not living, but merely existing. Substance abuse is an insidious monster. It creeps up on you slowly until it sucks the life out of you and destroys everything that you once loved and cherished.

I know your mother still hates me, and she has every right to do so. I've hurt her more than once, and for that, I am truly sorry. The demons in my mind haunted me until they broke me. I have spent the last twelve years living in the past. My mind refuses to give me peace. It tortures me with images that bring me to my knees. I have no excuse or rationale for how I destroyed my life, and the consequence of my actions is the prison I currently reside in day after day. The screams of the other patients comfort me in the darkness of night, because to this day, I have not found my voice. My screams remain silent.

I hope you have had a happy life, my sweet daughter. Knowing that you have parents who love and cherish you gives me some peace of mind. Live your life and don't look back on the past. Your eighteenth birthday fast approaches, and I wish you many more years of happiness and success. Nothing good ever comes out of reliving past mistakes or trying to change the outcome of those mistakes. Believe me, I have tried, and it is a useless effort. We are all prisoners in this awful place, prisoners in body and mind. Live your life, be happy, and forget about me.

Roger

I calmly fold the letter, put it back in the envelope and leave the room. I go up to my bedroom, and when I hit the top of the stairs, I hear the kids screaming and laughing. I walk into Carol's room and sit on the floor with Nicky. He looks up at me with surprise in his eyes.

"Whatcha looking at kiddo?"

"You never come in here and play with us."

"Can I play with you now?"

I look over to the other side of the room, and Carol and Jess have several coloring books and a massive amount of crayons on the floor. My mom put down a cheap rug to prevent crayon stains on the new carpet.

"What do you want to play?" Nicky asks me.

"Do you have Super Mario?"

"That's like my favorite game. Get ready to be beaten."

"Do you think you can beat me?" I ask as I ruffle his hair.

"Come on Evie. Don't mess with the hair."

As I sit on the floor playing the most stupid game ever invented, I realize that Roger's words have no effect on me, because like I said, love is stronger than hate, and I have all the love I need under this roof. I don't know how long I sit on the floor playing with Nicky, and when I finally come up for air, I see my parents standing in the doorway. Dad walks into the room and sits behind us, wrapping an arm around Nicky and me.

"How many games have you won, Nicky?"

"I won like five games Dad. Evie plays like a girl."

"I do not play like a girl," I say as I nudge him with my shoulder. Nicky falls over, and I pounce on him, tickling him until he begs for mercy. Dad joins in, and eventually, Carol and Jess are rolling on the floor with us. Mom still stands in the doorway, and she is laughing at all of us.

Later that night, my dad finds me sitting in my favorite spot in the backyard. Grandpa Steve built me a gazebo for my tenth birthday. Every time I look at it, I think about him, and the many happy years we spent at the Jersey shore during the summer months. After Granny had died, Mom and Dad drove to their house and brought back the barbecue grill. Grandpa loved his big, fancy barbecue grill and it now holds a place of honor in our home. Dad hasn't touched it since Grandpa left us. I think he is afraid that if he touches it, the floodgates will open. Dad has been very stoic since his parents had died. It is not healthy for him to hold in those emotions, but I guess we all handle loss differently. I am sure that in the private moments he has with Mom, those feelings flood to the surface. He is too proud to let the kids see that he is suffering. I am about to go back to the house when I see Dad approach me. The memories that I have with my Dad in this special place makes my heart happy. As always, his strong arm wraps around me, and he kisses my temple.

"Are you okay, sweetheart? You look sad."

"I was just thinking about when Grandpa built this gazebo for me. I miss them so much."

"I miss them too honey, but it was their time to leave us."

"Doesn't make it easier to accept, does it?"

"No. I feel like I've lost a part of myself. It's hard to explain really. I just need time to grieve."

"That's kinda how I feel about Roger. It seems like he died, and in many ways, he is dead to me. He chose his life's path, and he hurt a lot of people who got in his way. I'm relieved that I finally have closure with him. I wondered for a long time what had happened to him, but I was afraid to ask the questions. Now I know the answer, and I can move forward with my life knowing he will never hurt us again."

Dad says, "I remember the first day you moved into this house. You were so afraid of Roger, and I felt helpless in many ways. All I knew was that I loved the two of you so much, and I had to protect you. I remember the first time you played out here with Rocky and Appollo. I remember our first trip to the beach. You have always been my little girl, and in September, you will start the next adventure in your life. I am happy you are going to Temple and overjoyed that you will be living at home for the next four years. I don't think my heart could take the pain of you going to college in another state."

"No matter where I am, Doctor Jerry, this is home to me."

My dad laughs." I tried so hard to get you to stop calling me Doctor Jerry."

I laugh with him. "I know, and I much prefer Daddy. I love you, Daddy."

"I love you too, my sweet, beautiful girl. I will always love you."
Chapter 2

Five days before my birthday, I receive a call from Uncle Chris. His message is very cryptic. "I have what you need. Meet me at the Reading Terminal for lunch tomorrow."

My heart pounds in my chest. My greatest wish is about to come true. I am bursting at the seams, and my mother notices my exuberance. "What has you so wound up Evie?"

"Oh, nothing special. I'm excited about my birthday."

"It's a big day for you."

"I know. I can't believe I'll be in college in two months. Mom, can you keep a secret?"

"Depends on the secret."

"Please don't say anything to Dad. I want to tell him on my birthday."

"You know I don't keep secrets from your father. I won't promise until I hear what it is."

"Okay. Fair enough. So, I picked my major, and I want to tell Dad on my birthday."

"Wait a minute. I thought you already picked your major. Why are you changing it now?"

"Well, I kinda lied about that, because I couldn't say anything until my birthday."

"What's so special about your birthday?"

"I have a present for Dad."

"You do?" My mom sounds genuinely surprised. "Now you have to tell me your secret."

"I picked biomedical sciences. I want to be a doctor, just like Dad."

"Oh honey, your father will go out of his mind when you tell him you want to be a doctor."

"I already told Dad that I want to be a doctor."

Confused, mom asks, "When did you tell him?"

"Do you remember our first trip to Atlantic City? I was scared of the people around me, and I asked Dad that when I grow up, could I be a doctor, just like him, and do you know what he told me?"

"No," Mom says breathlessly. "What did he say?"

"He said that I could do anything that I want to do, and once I grow up, I will no longer be afraid. I am no longer afraid, Mom."

"No, you're not sweetheart. I am so incredibly proud of you. I am proud that you did not let Roger's letter affect you as I feared it would. You never asked me what happened to him. I was worried that his letter would bring back the fear."

"As long as I have my family, nothing can hurt me."

My mom hugs me hard." I love you, baby."

"I love you too, Mom."

*****

The next day, I meet Uncle Chris at the Terminal. My nerves are off the charts as I wait for him on Market Street. What I have wished for since I was a child is happening, and I have so many emotions hitting me all at once. I feel a little sad for my other dad because the last vestige of his life will soon disappear. His name will no longer have an association with me. His letter put an end to any further communication with me. His words are full of sadness, and isolation that he inflicted upon himself. I will never forgive him for hurting my mother and father. I see my uncle walking towards me with a manilla envelope in his hand. Unable to remain still for another second, I run towards him. Breathless, I ask, "Do you have the paperwork?"

"Yes, I do. Let's get something to eat, and I'll explain what you need to do."

Once we have our lunch, we sit at one of the outdoor tables. Uncle Chris hands the envelope to me, and I practically rip it open. I see several different applications, all with the Pennsylvania Department of Public Welfare as the heading. This process looks complicated. I look at my uncle, obviously confused. "What do I need to do? This process looks complicated."

"Don't worry Evie. I have already filled in all of the necessary information. All that is required is for you, Jerry and Joan to sign where indicated. Also, you need to write a letter explaining why the adoption should proceed. The judge will be especially interested in your response, mainly because you are no longer a minor child. It's rare for an adoption to take place once the child is no longer a minor."

"Okay. That doesn't sound too complicated."

"It's not, however, the three of you will need to appear before the judge before the final adoption. I've taken the liberty of contacting the judge who married your parents. You have an appointment next Friday."

"Wow. The adoption is happening fast."

"We need to move quickly, because your birth certificate, drivers license, and social security card need to be updated before you start school in September. I have connections, and I will take care of that for you. All you need to do is sign the papers, write the letter, and appear before Judge Harrison."

"It's good having someone in the family that has connections," I say with much relief in my voice. "Dad will go nuts when I give this to him."

"Yeah, he will. Roger made it difficult for Jerry to adopt you. I prepared at least ten requests, and Roger tore the papers into little pieces and mailed them back to me. Your mom told me about the letter. Did it upset you?"

"No, not really. I don't know my biological father. Roger is only a name from my past, and his letter is disturbing in many ways. It's obvious to me that he is mentally ill. I want the last remaining link to him removed from me. I want to be a Miller so badly, I ache for it."

"Honey, you have always been a Miller. Family ties go far beyond a name."

"I know, but having a different name than my brothers and sisters have always been a sore spot for me. I want it to be official. I want to look at my birth certificate and see the name, Evelyn Miller. I want this because it is important to my dad that I am legally his child. Knowing that he pursued this for twelve years makes me sad because it never happened. Now, I will make sure that it happens." Suddenly hungry, I put the envelope in my backpack and inhale my lunch.
Chapter 3

We have a birthday tradition in our house. Every child gets to pick their favorite foods that day. My mother already knows what I want for breakfast... pancakes with whipped cream and multicolored sprinkles. When I walk into the kitchen, Kellie is sitting at the table. She has been my constant friend since the first day that I met her at the diner. I remember that day with fond memories because Kellie took me under her wing when I needed a friend in my life. I love her like a sister.

"Hey, Kells. How long have you been here?"

"I just got here a few minutes ago. Can't miss the pancakes. It's our tradition. How do you feel now that you are officially legal?"

"It feels damn good."

I sit next to Kellie and inhale my first cup of tea for the day. Mom is quick this morning and already has the pancakes out of the warming oven and plates them for us. I suddenly see an arm hover over me with a can of whipped cream.

"How would the two of you like your whipped cream this morning?"

In unison, we respond, "happy face, please."

My heart constricts when I think about the time when I move out of my parent's house. I push the thought to the back of my mind. Only happy thoughts today. The sprinkles soon follow, and Kells and I dig into our two thousand calorie breakfast.

Aunt Diane and Aunt Barbara help my mom decorate the house. Uncle Chris married Barbara two years after she moved to Philadelphia. It wasn't easy for Barbara when she first moved here with Mary, and in the years that followed, Mary's health deteriorated to the point that she is no longer able to join us in family functions. Kevin has been a devoted, loving son to his mother. Her days are limited, and we make the most of the time we have with her. Dad, Uncle Ethan, Kevin, and Joey are in the backyard setting up the tables. When I look out of the kitchen window, I am taken aback by what I see. My dad is cleaning Grampa's grill, and I fight to hold back the tears. Dad has avoided touching it because it is a constant reminder that Granny and Gramps are no longer with us. I wondered if he would ever touch it again. I feel my mom's hands on my shoulder.

"I can't believe that Dad chose today to set up Grandpa's grill. What made him change his mind?" I ask my mom.

"Your dad wants his parents to be a part of your special day. He just needed the time to process his grief."

"Is Dad okay now?"

"You never get over losing someone that you love honey. You learn to live with the loss."

"I miss them every day."

"So do I, honey. So do I. Go run upstairs and take a shower while I get things ready for the party."

"Okay, Mom." I turn around to face my mother and wrap my arms around her. My emotions are too close to the surface, and I start to cry.

"Aw, honey. No tears today, okay? Today is a happy day for you."

"I know. Love you, Mom."

"I love you too baby. Go take a shower."

"Okay. I'm going."

*****

After I take a shower and dry my hair, I pick one of my favorite sundresses to wear to the party. I quickly braid my hair and apply a little makeup. As I look at myself in the mirror, my fingers go up to my throat and lightly caress the triple heart necklace that I've worn for the past twelve years. I never understood the meaning of the interlocking hearts until a few years ago. I am the center heart. Dad gave this to me the day he proposed to my mom, and in addition to my charm bracelet, it is my most cherished possession. I am about to leave my bedroom when I hear a knock on the door. "Come in," I yell through the door.

My dad opens the door, then turns around to close it. He's never done that before, and I am instantly concerned. He walks over to the bed, sits down, and pats the mattress for me to join him. I sit down and try not to look nervous.

"What's up, Dad?"

"I wanted to have a few private minutes with you before the party starts. There are too many people in the house, and I wanted a few quiet minutes with you."

He looks down at the small gift bag in his hand. "I want to say something to you before I give you this gift. A few years ago, my parents gave me a gift for you and asked that I give it to you on your eighteenth birthday. At the time, I thought it was a strange request, but I honored it. Looking back now, I believe they knew that time was short for them, and they wanted you to have a gift from them for your special birthday. I also have gifts for Nicky, Jess, and Carol, and they will receive them on their eighteenth birthday. Ethan also has something special for Olivia."

I can't breathe. I am afraid to look in the bag. Dad hands it to me with tears in his eyes. I take the bag from him, remove the tissue paper, take out the card and open the envelope. The card is beautiful, and when I open it, I see Granny's handwriting. I will cherish it always.

My dear beautiful Evie,

Do not be sad my sweet child. Today is a happy day for you. Always remember that your grandfather and I loved you very much, and when you wear our gift to you, always think of us. We will watch over you, love you, and protect you.

With undying love,

Granny and Gramps... xxoo... forever

"They loved you, honey. Open the gift."

My hands shake as I open a small jewelry box. Inside the box is a pair of perfect diamond stud earrings. My mind races as I absorb the significance of this gift. I will always have my grandparents with me. "Oh, Dad, the earrings are beautiful."

"My dad gave these earrings to my mother when they renewed their wedding vows. Do you remember the party on the beach?"

"I do. I had a lot of fun that day."

"My mother wanted you to have something that held a special place in her heart."

My hands shake as I take the earrings out of the box. I walk over to the mirror and look at my reflection. What I see scares me a little bit. I no longer see a little girl staring back at me, and the earrings, as they sparkle on my earlobes, make me look beautiful. Dad stands behind me and places loving hands on my shoulders.

"You are all grown up, honey. When did this happen? I suddenly feel old."

I turn around and hug my dad. I never want to let go of him. He pats my back a few times and wipes a few tears from his face. "Life goes on honey, and while we miss those who are no longer with us, we carry their memory and their love with us every day."

"I love you, Daddy."

"And I love you too, honey. No father could be as proud as I am today. I think we need to wipe away the tears and get the party started."

"I think that is an excellent idea. I'll be down in a minute." When my dad leaves my room, I touch up my makeup and take one last look at myself in the mirror. My fingers gently touch the diamond studs, and I whisper into the air, "I love you too Granny and Gramps. Miss you so much." I grab the manilla envelope and walk out of my bedroom. Now it's my turn to surprise my father.
Chapter 4

There is a huge tent set up in the backyard, and two grills work non-stop cooking enough food to feed everyone. Everyone that means something to me is here today to share this special day with me. Inside one of the tent sits a table with a ton of presents, all for me. The little girl in me is doing a happy dance because she loves presents. Balloons and streamers decorate the tents, and the music is loud and upbeat. As I sit watching the action, my mind flashed back to my first summer in this house. I had a new brother and a new father. I cried buckets of tears when Kevin moved out of the house. I am so glad he is here today to share this special day with me. No one will let me help with the food, and that's fine with me. Dad and Kevin are on grill duty, while Uncle Ethan and Aunt Diane carry the food out of the kitchen. The kids run around the yard squirting water pistols at the dogs, and Joey is playing with Olivia.

Once my dad has cooked enough food to feed an army, we take our seats and enjoy this time together. I keep touching my ears, and my mother leans in and whispers, "The earrings are beautiful Evie. Catherine wanted you to have something of hers as a symbol of how much she loved you. Your grandparents loved you very much, sweetheart."

I place my hand over my heart. "Granny and Gramps are always with me."

"Yes, they are," my mom says as she places her hand over mine.

I can no longer hold back the excitement that I feel, and it's time to give my father my gift. I stand at the table and tap my fork on my glass to get everyone's attention. "I would like to thank everyone for sharing this special day with me. Before we go any further, I have a special gift for my dad." I look over at him, and the look on his face makes me laugh. I have the envelope in my hand, and he looks down at it, then up at me.

"Dad, from the first minute that I met you, my life was never the same. You took a frightened little girl under your wing and turned her into a free spirit. You loved my mom and me, and we felt your love. You protected us, and became a fierce warrior." I touch my shoulder, and he understands my gesture.

"I was so happy when you married mom because I now had a Daddy that loved me. I have brothers and sisters who accept me without question. They never asked why my name was not like theirs. I grew up in a house full of love and acceptance. When I was afraid, you held me in your arms and made the fear go away. You tolerated my endless artistic efforts and taught me to realize that anything in life is possible. I want to give you something that signifies my love for you because you are my father."

"I remember the first time that we went to the beach. I was afraid that day, and you told me that when I grow up, I will no longer be afraid. Do you remember that conversation, Dad?" My dad nods his head yes. "And do you remember what I wanted to do when I grew up?" Again, my father nods his head yes. "Well, last week, I took the first steps to make my dream come true. I changed my major to biomedical sciences. I want to follow the family tradition. I want to be a doctor."

The tent erupts with cheers and applause. I put up my hands and ask everyone to calm down. "Hold on a minute. I have another gift for my dad." I walk over to where my dad sits and hand him the envelope. He opens it, takes out the papers, and covers his face with his hands. I stand behind my dad and wrap my arms around him. I whisper, "This time, I made it happen. I want to be a Miller."

Everyone is watching us, especially my mother. Dad is so emotional that it is impossible for him to speak. I hold up the papers and tell everyone, "I have in my hand adoption papers, and as soon as Mom and Dad sign them, I will be one step closer to being a Miller. One of the requirements is that I need to write a letter to the judge explaining why I wish to be adopted. I'd like to read it for everyone."

"I have been asked to explain why I want to be adopted by Jeremy Miller. The answer is simple. Having the same name does not make you a father. Sharing the same DNA does not make you a father. My biological father has proven this to me many times. Jeremy Miller welcomed me into his home, and into his heart. I have felt loved, cherished and protected for the past twelve years. A father holds your hand when you are afraid. A father encourages you to reach for the stars. A father builds you sand castles. A father hangs your silly drawings all over his office walls. A father carries around whipped cream and sprinkles in his messenger bag because he knows you like whipped cream and sprinkles on your pancakes. A father buys you new toys when an angry, bitter man destroyed your old toys. A father protects you with his life. A father takes a bullet for you. More than anything in this life, I want Jeremy Miller to be legally, and officially my father, because, in my heart, he has always been my daddy."

"Dad, all I need is for you and Mom to sign the papers, and Uncle Chris will file them for me. We have a meeting with Judge Harrison next Friday."

My father stands and gathers me in his arms. You could hear a pin drop in the tent. I listen to a few sniffles, but all I can think about is the joy that I feel at the present moment. I know my dad is crying. I can feel his arms shaking as he holds me. I release myself from his embrace, hold his hand, and leave the tent. We walk over to the gazebo and sit down.

"Are you happy Daddy?"

"How did you do this without anyone knowing?"

"I have been thinking about this for a few years. I used the computer at school to do the research. In Pennsylvania, once you are eighteen, you are no longer a minor child. I asked Uncle Chris to help me. He has connections, and once the papers are signed, the adoption will proceed quickly. He also told me that he would take care of my birth certificate, social security card, and drivers license. When I start school in September, I will be Evelyn Miller."

"God, do you know how long I've wanted this? Do you know how long Roger blocked me? I gave up hoping for this a long time ago."

"Yes, I know. Uncle Chris told me how difficult it was for you to adopt me. No one can stop the process now. I'm of legal age to make my wishes known."

I see my mom walking towards us with the envelope in her hand. She sits next to me and hugs me. "You've been keeping some pretty big secrets from me, young lady."

"I know, and I'm sorry. I couldn't share it with you. I wanted this to be a surprise for you too."

Mom hands the papers to my dad with a pen. "Sign them now Jerry. Chris needs to file them on Monday."

"Gladly," My dad says. I watch him sign everything, and my heart does a little happy dance. I am one step closer to being a Miller.

After everyone calmed down, it's time to open my presents. Uncle Ethan and Aunt Diane gave me an IPad with all of the accessories. Uncle Chris gave me a gift card for one thousand dollars to use for school books and supplies. My parents, brothers, and sisters gave me a new laptop. I am overwhelmed and so grateful to have so many people in my life that I love, and who love me.

The meeting with Judge Harrison went smoothly, and the adoption process was finalized two weeks before I go back to school. The kids walk around the house for a few days calling out my name, Evie Miller so many times, I told them to give it a rest, while secretly, I like hearing it. My relationship with my father changed after the adoption. The bond that we have deepened and became more meaningful. When Uncle Chris delivered my new identity, I cried tears of joy.

*****

"Where are we going?" I ask my dad.

"I want to start a new tradition, just the two of us. Be patient Evie. We'll be there in a few minutes."

As we walk down Market Street, I see several horse-drawn carriages, and I think back to my parent's marriage, and our carriage ride to the church with the snow falling around us. We cross the street, and my dad stops in front of one of the carriages. He turns to look at me. "Let's go for a ride. I want to do this all the time with you, Evie. I want to have special memories with all of my children, and I thought that this could be ours. Your mother shared this with her father. I want you to remember this time with me when you are grown up and have a family of your own. When I am no longer with you, I want you to look back on this time and have good memories."

"Are you thinking about Granny and Gramps?"

"Yeah, I think about them all of the time. My parents worked hard to provide a good home for us, and we always felt loved. I always want my kids to know how much Mom and Dad love them."

"What was it like for you when Kevin came into your life?"

"I never thought I would get married. What happened with Mary changed my life, and I focused on work, at the sacrifice of my personal life. Then I met your mother, and everything changed for me. I would have been happy just having you in my life, and when Kevin found me, something clicked inside of me. All of the pieces came together, and I finally had what I always wanted... a family. I had a cute little girl who had me wrapped around her little finger."

"I did not!"

"Yes, you did, and having you and mom in my life saved me. I was very lonely Evie. I don't talk much about that time in my life because it's in the past. You're an adult now, and I want us to have quality time together. Before I know it, you will be out of college and on your own. I want this to be just for us. Let's go for a ride."

Dad helps me into the carriage, and I curl into him. "This is nice," I say as the carriage slowly moves through the busy streets. I look down at my wrist and play with the charm bracelet that I have worn since I was a child. Every year on my parents anniversary, they gave me a new charm and added a few links. This bracelet represents my life in many ways, so it took me by surprise when my dad gives me the final charm. This charm represents letting go of the past and looking towards the future.

"Will you put it on for me Dad?"

"It would be my honor sweetheart."

I look down at my wrist and what I see fills me with happiness. Glaring back at me is a diamond-studded "M" for Miller. My life has come full circle, and I only see good things for my future.

Author's Note:

Thank you for taking the time to read my book. I hope you enjoyed Jerry and Joan's story.

Please visit Smashwords.com to pick up your free copy of my other books, "Finding My Way Home and "The Confession."

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