Both my grandpas served in the military...one
in the Marine Corps, one in the Navy.
I always kinda thought that that might be
something I might do, and uh, I also knew
I wanted to get into Law Enforcement.
The strategy worked well...I was able to do
Military Police with the Army Reserves, and
I was hired on with the Police Department.
I became a deputy...I was a member of the
S.W.A.T. team, and the last two years of my
law enforcement career I worked undercover
narcotics full-time.
It was an exciting career for me, and I got
to accomplish a lot of goals that I had.
In 2009 I got deployed to Afghanistan, and
that was a whole different situation.
There was a lot of artillery fire going on
at night...
Sirens going off a lot at that base for rocket
attacks.
It was hard for me to ever wind down or get
some sleep or get some rest.
The first week I was there, there was three
soldiers that got killed there, and I just
kinda thought, I'm not gonna make it home.
And uh, it got to the point where that took
over.
As a Military Police he investigated the death
of a child that was about the age of our oldest
daughter Libby.
And I know that was incredibly hard.
Just knowing that there was a dead young girl
that was close to my daughters age there...I
felt like I was in a pretty bad, helpless
situation, and I slowly just downward spiraled
into the point where I thought, "Well, if
I'm not gonna make it home, why continue to
be miserable every day?"
And I started thinking about suicide and it
seemed to be a resolution.
He had told me, "I'm gonna shoot myself" And
he goes, "Abby, I was sitting there with a
gun," and he said, "I was shaking so bad...I
had my finger on the trigger."
Another Ranger pulled up right next to him...he
said two soldiers were in it.
They just sat next to him, never looked at
him...but he had enough respect and he would
be ashamed to shoot himself in front of another
soldier, that he put his gun down and he drove
off.
So, that's what led to him being med-evaced
out of Afghanistan.
What I thought when I finally got back in
the United States is that every thing is gonna
be okay now.
But my problems continued...even long after
I was released from active duty I continued
to feel that way.
We did individual counseling, we did group
counseling, I tried five or six different
kinds of depression medicine...they had me
try two or three different kinds of anxiety
medicines...
When I continued to try and try and try and
things weren't helping, hopelessness really
was taking over, and it wouldn't go away.
I still continued to think almost daily that
suicide was gonna be the option.
It was a typical Friday...he had slammed a
six-pack very, very fast, so he could sleep
that night.
Um, he was self-medicating...I didn't realize
until later that he took too many pills, and
he couldn't speak clearly, he couldn't stand
up straight.
And I put a loaded .45, my pistol, to my head,
in front of my wife and young daughter, and
said I was gonna kill myself.
And I had no idea at that time, you know,
things were that bad emotionally for him...
I thought that once we had gotten him home
that suicide wasn't an issue.
The next day I couldn't believe that I had
behaved that way in front of my children and
it just, it crushed me...
I knew that I had crossed the line and I needed
help.
For the first time in I don't know how long,
I felt hope...cause I had felt so hopeless.
I had tried so many things that hadn't worked
for me.
It's helped me about tremendously with my
depression and blood pressure.
I don't take anxiety medicine at anymore.
This is the true Luke.
This is the happy Luke that I knew when he
was young and we could laugh and have fun
and life was wonderful.
And that's where he's at again.
And he's opening up, he's telling his story
to help others, and it's not causing him the
anxiety, the fits, the sleepless nights...I
mean, things are better than they were before
he went to Afghanistan.
Transcendental Meditation's about giving you
a better quality of life...you're gonna feel
better in every aspect of what you're doing.
He made a pledge and he goes, "I'm gonna meditate
twice a day," and he goes, "I promise you,
because that was so amazing," he goes, "I
really think this is gonna work, and I'm gonna
stick with this and see if this isn't one
thing that's gonna help up."
And it ended up being the thing that changed
us.
I had consistently thought about suicide before
I learned TM...it was the first thing to kinda
get that away, and get that off my mind.
I don't know that Luke and I would be together...I
don't know that Luke would be here if we didn't
have TM...I just doubt....life changing, and
it did save his life, without a doubt.
And if you don't want to do it for yourself,
do it for the people that love you because
they deserve it.
My girls didn't sign up for the army, and
neither did my wife.
And it's made me a better father, a better
husband...I finally found what fit for me,
and it was TM and it changed everything.
