(soft music)
- Another beautiful day in the village.
- I don't remember
everything being on fire.
(fire crackling)
- No doubt, this is the work
of the evil Arch-Illager
and his minions.
- Who the hell said that?
- Come on, this village needs a hero.
- We're not gonna have to
run around the whole bunch,
are we?
- Running around is all
we're gonna be doing.
Now let's go.
(feet stamping)
Don't worry villagers, I'll save you.
(feet stamping)
Wait, what the...
I can't even get inside.
Villagers, are you in there?
Oh man, I wanted to loot their stuff.
(feet stamping)
Oh no. A zombie.
What the hell?
In the day time?
(hits something)
(fire crackling)
Okay, I guess let's go that way.
(feet stamping)
- Aha! This is where
your journey ends human.
Now, turn around and...
(hits something)
- Wow. Where did you
learn to shoot like that?
- That's terrifying.
(feet stamping)
- What the....
(soft music)
- For it is I.
- I'm sorry, who?
- The Arch-Illager.
You know all-powerful,
corrupt leader of the land.
Now bow to me, fools.
- Yeah. What makes you so special?
- For I posses the Orb of Dominance.
Once out casted by my people
for my white skull, I...
- Yeah, hold on.
Can we talk about that thing for a sec?
Like how do you even get through doorways?
- Quiet. You will pay for...
- And are you like, a baby?
That's weird.
- That's it. Enough.
(soft music)
- Oh God!
- Wait, why did you stop?
- I don't know.
Just thought maybe you'd
slay us real quick.
(hits something)
- Nice work.
(hits something)
- Oh, he dropped firework arrows.
- Great. 'Cause there
aren't enough fires already.
(soft music)
(feet stamping)
- All right.
Let's set up camp here.
Just outside of town.
- You are too late to save
the villagers, but don't fret.
They still await your heroic arrival.
- What? That's bogus.
I sprinted through that whole
map and they're just dead?
- Well, this must be where we're staying.
Oh no, there's a nice-ass
mansion right there.
You guys can stay in this peace of crap.
I'm going inside.
(door opens)
- Hello.
Anyone in here?
Well, it's ours now.
Wow, check out this chest.
How badass is that?
There's gotta be something cool inside.
(air whooshing)
- It's a fishing rod.
- Our heroes returned
to their camp outside
to brave the night.
- What? No, we're staying here.
Whose voice is that?
(air whooshing)
Well, that's annoying.
I guess we're just homeless bums.
- Why is that weird-ass sheep
just up there looking at us?
(hits something)
(sheep bleats)
(soft music)
