- Terry, Terry, Terry!
- It's all right buddy.
Use your words, use your words.
- What happened?
- I was murdered.
- You were murdered?
Okay you obviously weren't
murdered because you're
alive and you're
basically intact.
You weren't murdered buddy.
You weren't murdered buddy.
- My skate is stolen.
(bright jazz music)
- Got a call that somebody's
been giving tug jobs
here in the restroom of
Tacos, Tacos, Tacos, Tacos.
Sheriff's Department,
Sheriff's Department!
- [Terry] What?
Hello?
- Is that you, Terry?
- Terry?
- Yes, it's me I have
diarrhea, it's bad.
- Get outta the bathroom,
Terry, get on outta here.
- [Terry] I have bad diarrhea.
- You alone in there Terry?
- All right, stop.
Shh.
- Who were you shushing?
- What?
- Who were you shushing?
- Nobody, I didn't shush.
- Have you been giving
tug jobs in the bathroom?
- No, why would I do that?
I would never do something
like that first of all,
I have a girlfriend,
who I love very much.
- Her name is?
- Michelle.
- Michelle.
- What's she look like?
- She's super tall.
- Uh huh.
- And she's got sweet boobs.
- How tall?
- Uh huh.
- I always knew you were
a sweet boobie man Terry.
- I put my weiner on 'em.
- Yup?
- Yup.
- You did?
- That's true.
- Terry, the good people here
at Tacos, Tacos, Tacos, Tacos
have agreed to--
- Shut that.
- Sir.
- No!
Who's that?
Who is that?
- Come on, come here
- Who are you?
- Stay where you are.
- Oh my gosh it's a killer.
- Stay where you are,
stay where you are,
stay where you are.
- Who is that guy?
- You've never seen him before?
- I've never seen him before?
- What the (beep) Terry?
- What?
- These are good people
at Tacos, Tacos, Tacos,
they did not have
to take a felon.
- That's what I said.
- I'm not.
- Oh, the drama,
the (beep) drama.
- Stop yelling at me (crying).
- We're not going
with the water works.
- Stay where you are.
- Stay where you are.
- I'mma go talk
to this son bitch.
- Talk to that little
son of a bitch.
Terry, Terry, you had
a chance to start over.
Not a lot of people get
a chance to start over,
but you got.
- What?
- What?
Two dollars tug job.
(beep) Terry two dollars?
Terry, I'd like to
direct your attention,
the burger special,
the Tacos, Tacos, Tacos
burger special, $4.09.
- Uh, first of all, a
tug job doesn't come
with fries or a soda.
(sirens blare)
- Buenos noches, Pedro.
- Oh hi.
- Hey Terry.
- Hey Terry.
- Woo, woo!
- [Cop] You wanna
know why we're here?
- Why is there a fight?
- No, there's not a fight.
- Yeah it is.
- Terry we got a
call that somebody,
an employee here
was turning tricks
up on the roof.
- No way!
- Yeah.
- Yes way.
- Yeah way.
- That's not cool.
- Well, what's not cool-
- You know anything about that?
You know anything about it?
- No, I'm afraid of
roofs so it wasn't me,
I'm allergic to 'em?
- You're allergic to roofs?
- You're allergic to roofs?
- I'm allergic to roofs,
you can ask my doctor.
- How does that manifest itself,
how are you allergic to roofs?
- If I look at them I throw up.
- You know what I'm allergic to?
Lies.
- We had a description about
a gentleman of your height
your stature with a little hat.
- What was the person's name?
- Well I guess it might
rhyme with Mary or Harry.
- My name isn't Mary or Harry.
My name is Terry!
- Well hold up, Terry, hold
up for one second, okay?
- What?
- Listen.
You know what?
You're misunderstood okay?
- I'm totally misunderstood.
- You're misunderstood.
And I wanted to know what if
you and I were to go up on
the roof how much would you?
Would you, I mean
how much would it be?
- For, for what?
- If I wanted to get
like a little bit of
like a (beep).
How much would it be?
- Five dollars.
- Terry, I'm a cop, look
I'm holding your hand,
and I'm a cop.
- It's five dollars
for the tacos.
- I just asked about
a (beep) you know.
- Ouch, what are you guys doing?
- Tacos, Tacos, Tacos,
Tacos is self serve
tonight ladies and gentlemen.
Sorry about that, Pedro.
- Call the police,
call the police,
I'm being arrested
by the police.
(sirens blare)
Hi, my name's Terry Jaspermans.
And I am a trustee here
at the jail which means
I don't have to
be in the jail all
the time I can work
in the station.
They let me do that
because I'm not gross.
I do a lot of mopping
on the floors,
keep 'em clean and stuff.
You know make sure
nobody slips or whatever.
Sometimes I'll do the
wall if I want to.
I've joined three gangs so far.
I've started two which are good.
I just started the kitties and
I started the grape slushies,
and we're getting some respect,
I mean it's taking us
awhile but you know some
people are interested,
some people aren't but
whatever we're gonna
be pretty big soon.
- [Cop] Terry!
Terry!
- What?
- When was the last time
you used the fax machine?
And, supplemental question,
did you fax a picture
of your weiner to the
district attorney?
- I don't know what
a fax machine is.
- Terry, I faxed those
pictures of your weiner to--
(siren blares)
- How you doing Bernadino?
Some folks down at
the Piggly Wiggly
in the produce
section real upset.
- Been there.
- You been there?
- Yeah.
- You been there?
You see anything while
you were down there?
- I haven't been
there for 70 years.
- 70 years.
- I haven't been
there for awhile,
I mean I was there 70
years ago and then.
- You were there at the Piggly
Wiggly 70 years ago, wow.
- Yeah sir, it's been awhile.
- Yeah, that's a long time.
4:20 this afternoon,
think hard produce section
area with fruits and vegetables.
Gentleman, Caucasian,
'bout 5'10", roller skates,
which made us think.
- Maybe it's Terry.
- Maybe Terry would
know this guy?
- Maybe the person
that works there is
stupid and ugly.
- See it seems again to
me like you might know
this person in the
produce section.
- I feel like it's coming back.
- I don't know any fat
women with red hair
in the produce section.
- All right so this is
starting to fall into place.
- Our witness, Kelly O'Brien--
- She sounds like a bitch.
- She was a little thick
and she wasn't super nice.
- She wasn't super nice.
- That's true.
But, maybe you got off
on the wrong foot because
what were you doing in
the produce section?
- I was trying fruit on.
- That's exactly what she said.
- Off (beep).
- See?
- Let him go, let him go.
I didn't think he
could skate on grass.
- [Cop] I didn't
think so either.
- Look at that, look
at that son bitch go.
(sirens blare)
- Bernadino, Terrance,
aged 26, six prior arrests
and six convictions.
Judge Ferdinand Dos
Reyes has ordered you
to undergo these six
month psychological
evaluations for parole.
Uh, have you or have you not
committed a felony in
the past six months?
- No.
- What was with the pause?
- I thought you said melody.
- Committed a melody
in the past six months?
- I've committed a melody.
- What is the melody
you've committed?
♪ Fight the system ♪
♪ Don't let me
back in the jail ♪
♪ I'll kill you ♪
- Do you sometimes
fantasize that you
are the angel of death?
- Yes.
- Boy that was bad.
- That was a big one.
- That was a big one, that's
one of the biggest ones.
- Passed it, holla!
- Do you want a chance
to answer that again?
- Yes.
- Do you fantasize you're
the angel of death?
- Yes.
- Agh, we gotta work on that.
- What?
- Let's just say he passed.
- Okay.
Terry.
- I passed gas, does that count?
- We don't have the
bunk space so I'm gonna
sign here I want your
signature right there.
Oh he really did.
That's your signature?
(sirens blare)
Big T, Terr Bear.
- Hey guys, what's up?
What's up?
Police, what's up?
Ba bew!
What's going on?
- How's life on the outside
treating you, Terry?
- On the outside
of the restaurant?
- Outside of the stir,
free from the pen.
Feels good to be
out, be free right?
- It's good I love it.
I love it.
- Tastes good doesn't
it, freedom tastes good?
- It does taste
good, I like freedom.
- You know what else
tastes good, Terry?
- What?
- Tacos.
- Yeah, tacos are good.
Tacos and freedom, I
want a freedom taco.
- Drop the dom, keep the
free, keep the tacos.
Do we understand each other?
- Freecos?
- No, you dropped too much.
Don't drop ta, just drop dom.
- Drop the D-O-M.
- Keep ta.
- Keep all of tacos.
Keep free.
Drop the, we're
talking about, Terry.
- We just feel as servants
and protectors of the peace,
we deserve a free taco
every now and then.
- And every now and then
is every time we come.
- Yeah, I know I
want a free taco too.
I wish they were
free, that'd be sweet.
- Terry, come on (beep)
- You work here.
- (beep)
- We have to (beep) we
have answer 911 calls
in this neighborhood and
we'd like some free tacos.
- We're asking for like three
dollars worth of free (beep).
- Forget it.
- Where's the kitties?
- Next time you call
911, be real patient.
Be real patient.
- Oh!
Here's you!
- That's the exact
same thing he just did.
You didn't up the bar,
you just did what he did.
- Come on.
- [Cop] Good night.
- Let's try the
(beep) donut place.
Oh, he just threw a taco at us.
- What'd he do?
- He just threw a
(beep) taco at us.
Freeze mother (beep).
- Are you okay,
Terry, Terry, Terry?
- What's wrong buddy?
Use your words, use your words
- I was murdered.
- You were murdered?
Okay you obviously weren't
murdered because you're alive
and you're basically intact.
You weren't murdered, buddy.
You weren't murdered, buddy.
- My skate's stolen.
- Okay, your skate is stolen.
- It was a alien from the sky.
- It was obviously not
an alien from the sky,
somebody came by.
- The alien was like
(groaning) and he--
- So he spoke alien talk and
he came and took your skate?
- I was playing baseball
with my friends and a alien
ship came down and
they shine a beam on me
and they were like hey (beep).
And I'm not gay.
- Hate crime, we have
an alien hate crime.
Come here, come here buddy.
Just skate around, skate
it off, skate it off.
Skate it off.
- You got a cell phone?
I wanna get this for YouTube.
- Crystal methamphetamine is
a terrible, terrible drug and
it's one that your brain
doesn't really recover from.
Basically turns your brain
into a sort of a sponge.
If you don't believe it,
go to the web and check
out faces of meth.
