

#  BLINDSIDED

by

L. M. TATE

# Contents

Title page

Acknowledgement

Copyright

Chapter 1

Chapter 2

Chapter 3

Chapter 4

Chapter 5

Chapter 6

Chapter 7

Chapter 8

Chapter 9

Chapter 10

Chapter 11

Chapter 12

Chapter 13

Chapter 14

Chapter 15

Chapter 16

#  Acknowledgement

Thank you to my husband for always believing in me and for being with me on this journey.

# Copyright © 2019 L.M. Tate

All rights reserved.

This is a work of fiction. Characters, places and incidents are a product of the author's imagination or used fictitiously. Any resemblance to persons living or dead is purely coincidental. No part of this book may be used or reproduced in any manner whatsoever without written permission from the author.

## **Chapter 1**

Tears streamed down Kat's face as I cuddled her tight. This was too much for an eight-year-old to have to go through. Kat pressed into me like I could absorb her pain and I wished I could make it all go away but I had no clue what I was doing. To say I was out of my depth was an understatement. Her older sister, Amy, tried to comfort Kat as she batted away her own tears. At just twelve Amy had been the mother figure in this family for too long. Now that responsibility was mine. Their brother Luke stared ahead sadly as their father's coffin slowly disappeared behind a veil of red curtains. Art Garfunkel's Bright Eyes drowned out the muffled sound of crying. Their headstrong eldest brother, Daniel, looked across to me in disappointment, knowing I'd fail. He was seventeen and his father's death had left him as head of the household until I turned up three days ago, the aunt they never even knew existed.

Their father, Josh Walker, had been my older half-brother. We'd never met, seeing as I was the result of an affair his father had with my mother. Unknown to my mother the charming man who'd swept her off her feet during his business trip already had a wife and was not interested in having a daughter. Even when Josh's parents had passed away, he'd never tried to contact me. It was a shock when his lawyer contacted to tell me I was named in his will, which meant I was the recipient of a debt amounting to hundreds of thousands of pounds and guardian of his four children. Me of all people. I was his only other living relative so he must've been desperate. I'd never even wanted children, could never hold down a stable relationship and was so busy as a magazine journalist, I sometimes forgot to even eat, which was not good criteria for being equipped to take care of four other human beings.

At the end of the service I stood next to the vicar at the exit, alongside my nieces and nephews to thank everyone for coming. There was no family but lots of friends. A tall, broad man came over followed by two boys, who were almost as tall as he was and two younger girls. The man was built like a wrestler, with long dark hair tied back in one of those man buns and naturally tanned skin that made his hazel eyes iridescent. His black suit barely contained his muscular frame. Charging straight over to Daniel, the man hugged him fiercely.

"How are you doing son?" he asked. His voice was deep and his accent sounded similar to Australian.

Daniel looked at me with that disappointed look then sighed. "I'm fine. We'll be fine Coach." Daniel must've played a sport if he had a coach. There was so much I didn't know about these kids.

The coach looked at me disapprovingly, which was confusing and a little hurtful. He nodded to Daniel reassuringly and squeezed his shoulder. "If you need anything at all. You know where we are. Anything, anytime. Promise me."

"I promise Coach. Thanks." Daniel was trying hard to hold back his tears.

The eldest boy, who was coach's doppelgänger, hugged Daniel like a brother. In fact, all coach's children acted more like family than friends.

"So, you're the sister?" the Coach asked with distain as he stood in front of me with arms folded. The way he assessed me let me know I didn't meet his standards. I tucked my blonde hair behind my ear and pulled at the sleeves on my dress, feeling inadequate. As annoyed as that made me feel, my mother brought me up to be polite. He'd evidently lost a good friend, so he was bound to be upset.

"Yes, I'm Josh's sister. Nice to meet you, I'm Hannah." I smiled as kindly as I could and offered my hand. He didn't take it and I could feel my face flame.

"Do you really think you're up for this?" His question was like an arrow and it hit exactly as intended because in no way did I feel up to this. He narrowed his eyes. "Bringing up four kids is not easy, I should know. Do you have any idea what you're taking on? Do you even know anything about these kids?"

I was stunned silent at his directness and I could feel my face redden further. His words shredded my confidence even further. It must have shown on my face as he said, "That's exactly what I thought." He walked away shaking his head and I knew he was right; I had no clue what I was doing. Josh had never wanted to know me but I still felt sad for the loss his children had suffered. Now all they had was me, an inadequate replacement. I was ready to cry. At that point I just wanted to go home, curl up in my bed and pretend I did not have four human beings now relying on me.

## **Chapter 2**

The house had to be repossessed and there was nothing I could do about it. It had been three days since the funeral and I'd been staying with the children in their family home. Josh's debt was so huge that the only way to clear it was to repossess the house. I tried to explain the situation as sensitively as possible to the kids but it didn't go down well. Not mentioning their father's huge debts left them with the assumption that I was somehow to blame.

"You've been here days and already you've lost our house?" Daniel roared.

"I understand you're upset Daniel but I tried everything I could. Believe me, I did. There is no other way. I'm so sorry." I felt guilty that there was nothing more I could do to save their home. To lose their home on top of what they had already gone through was devastating.

I took a deep breath to mask my nervousness and pretended I was in control. "We have a month to look for somewhere else to live. You will all be involved in looking with me, so we can pick something we are all happy with. I already have some ideas of places to look at. I know this is not ideal but it will be an adventure for us all."

Daniel pushed his chair back and stormed out of the room.

Amy stood up next. "I wish you'd never come here," she shouted before storming after her brother. They hated me and I felt crushed. Kat patted my hand and tried to comfort me but looked up at me with wide eyes that looked worried. I smiled down at her and gave her a little hug to reassure her.

Luke stared down at the table in silence and then looked up at me seriously. "Let me know when you're going to look. I want to come." He got up and walked away from the table solemnly with the weight of the world on his fifteen-year-old shoulders. These were grown up problems and I wished I could shield them from this worry. I needed to call my mother. It was all falling apart and I had no idea what to do.

"They hate me mum," I said to her on the phone when everyone had gone to bed. I paced outside in the huge beautiful landscaped back garden, so there was no risk of anyone hearing me.

"They don't hate you love. It's just that they don't know you. They've been through a lot and now losing their home on top of all that is going to be difficult for them."

"I know mum but they think it's my fault. I couldn't tell them about Josh's debt so they think in the three days I've been here that I've lost their house."

"It's hard sweetie but I think you're right not to tell them about Josh. They need to hold on to their good memories of their father right now. Maybe when they're older they'll understand but right now as harsh as it is, you're their guardian and when you're a parent your feelings don't count so much anymore. It's all about them honey."

I thought about what she said for a moment and realised that's the sacrifice she made for me. She never told me that my dad had rejected me as a child. I figured it out later in life. There was so much she protected me from and she'd always put me first.

"Being a parent is hard work mum and I've only been doing it three days. I don't know how you did it."

"Well I had a wonderful daughter."

"I'm selfish mum. I like my time to myself and I don't like answering to others. There are people around here that want to see me fail. You should've seen the way Daniel's coach looked at me the other day, like I was about to ruin these kids' lives. You know what, he might even be right. What do I know about kids?" I was working myself into a panic and could feel my anxiety rising. Taking deep breath, I tried to calm myself down.

"Why did you take this on Hannah?"

"You talked me into it," I answered.

She laughed at that and said, "Honey, I've never been able to talk you into anything in your life. This was not my decision. Think about it."

"I was worried about where they'd end up. I don't want to see them split up mum. I know they don't all like me but when I see how good they are together, how close they are, it's amazing. Although I never really got to meet Josh and he landed me with some major issues here with this debt, he must've done something right to have such good kids. Well, when they're not hating me that is."

Without even seeing it, I could tell my mother was smiling. "You love them," she stated. "I know you've only just met them but you love them Hannah. I've never heard you talk so passionately about anything. That is what will get you through this. You'll be fine."

I could barely sleep that night worrying about finding somewhere to live. I'd taken a couple of weeks off from work, so I could dedicate all my time to finding somewhere to rent. As promised, I took Luke to view the first house and Kat came along too. Daniel and Amy were still not talking to me. The house was nothing like their current five-bedroom home. With only three small bedrooms, they would have had to share. It was also pretty run down and would need a lot of work. As we looked around the property, Luke looked at me in dismay, like I was ruining their lives. Unfortunately, there were few options in the town for renting, so we were hardly spoilt for choice but it was not big enough anyway. It was only just affordable on my salary, so I dreaded to think how much a bigger place would be.

"So what do you think?" the property agent asked.

"It's a bit small for our family. Do you have anything bigger?" I asked hopefully.

"Not in this town I'm afraid. The other properties we have are all two-bedroom apartments. More for young couples than families. I imagine you'll have a difficult time finding something bigger than this to rent."

Luke told me he hated it and I promised I'd find something better. The rest of the week, I viewed a couple of houses myself while the kids were at school but the pickings were slim. In the middle of the week I insisted that Daniel and Amy join us for dinner. They'd had enough time to stew and we all needed to talk.

"Did you find anywhere yet?" Luke asked, looking worried.

"Not yet. The ones today were smaller than the one we looked at. I have a few more viewings this week." The table went silent and Daniel glared at me.

"Coach would let me live with him if I asked," Daniel announced. "His son Tane is my best mate, like a brother really and I'm always around there anyway."

I was shocked that he could think of leaving and Kat started to sniffle beside me. Luke looked like he'd been kicked in the stomach but Amy didn't look surprised at all, like she knew Daniel was going to suggest it.

"No Daniel. We're not splitting up the family," I said, patting Kat's hand in reassurance.

"You're not our family," said Daniel. His words stung but I tried to ignore it. "His house is huge. He's building an extension so there'll be plenty of room."

"I said no Daniel. I just need a little time. We'll find somewhere even if it means moving a little further out of town."

"I don't want to move out of town," Amy said, looking panicked. "I bet Coach would let me move in too. I'm friends with his daughter Maia, so I bet he'd let me stay."

My knife and fork slammed down more forcefully than I intended and everyone stared at me in silence. It was the first time I'd let my temper show. I'd held back because I knew they were grieving but I wouldn't let them split up this family.

"There'll be no more talk of moving in with Coach. I don't want to hear another word about splitting this family up. I am your legal guardian, whether you like it or not."

"Dad never even liked you," said Daniel. "We don't like you and we don't want to live with you. What's the point in us all pretending?" I knew it would take time for them to get to know me but I was stunned at him saying they didn't like me. It was painful to hear.

"My dad hated you but had no choice but to leave us with you. Coach told Tane all about it. He would have left us with Coach if it wasn't for the fact that he already has four kids," announced Daniel.

"Well I think Coach needs to mind his own business," I shot back angrily.

"You don't know him and you don't know any of us," Daniel shouted and stood up before storming out. As predicted, Amy was hot on his heels and Luke also followed this time.

Kat looked up at me with tears in her eyes and said, "They won't really leave us, will they?"

"No, they won't because I won't let them." I was resolute about keeping this family together. Daniel and Amy didn't know yet how stubborn I could be. A pain in the backside Coach was not making things any easier for me and it was time I paid him a visit.

## **Chapter 3**

It wasn't difficult to find Coach. He was like a saint around town so everyone knew where he lived. Seething from what Daniel had told me the day before and with the added stress of having looked around three grotty properties that day, I was ready for a showdown. The children were at after-school clubs so I wanted to catch him without them being there.

His property was surrounded by a huge stone wall, trees and tall iron gates. I was surprised there was no electronic device but then this was a sleepy town. Where I came from it would've needed electronic gates, surveillance cameras, alarm systems and a guard dog.

I walked up the long gravel pathway, past the perfectly landscaped gardens to the large two-storey double fronted stone building. Rallying all my courage, I pressed the doorbell. There was no answer but I could hear machinery at the back. Determined to speak to him before I lost my nerve, I made my way to the back.

It looked like a large extension was being built on to the rear of the house. There were three workmen in hard hats working next to a tractor. Closer to the house was an older man in a contractor's vest and hard hat. I could only see the broad back of the other man who was wearing a hard hat, jeans, a checked shirt and work boots but there was no doubt that giant form was Coach. His deep laugh at something the contractor said annoyed me. He was having a fine time while he was ruining my life.

I walked up to the men and the contractor raised his eyebrows when he spotted me. I imagined my face did not look happy. Coach didn't turn around immediately and it took him a second to realise someone was behind him. When he turned and faced me his smile disappeared.

"Oh. It's you," he grunted in that accent that I still couldn't quite place. He didn't look happy to see me but I didn't really want to be here either. "Do you make a habit of trespassing on people's property?"

"Only when they don't bother to answer the door," I bit back, hands on my hips. I wouldn't let him intimidate me, especially in front of these workmen, who all stopped what they were doing and seemed to be enjoying the show.

"So to what do I owe this pleasure?" he asked sarcastically.

"Mika, I'll just go and check on the men," the contractor said, looking between us in confusion.

"Thanks Frank," Coach answered respectfully and shook his hand before turning back to me. "Well? What do you want?" he barked.

"Mika? Is that your name?" I asked.

"Most people call me Coach but I don't really care what you call me."

"Well, Mika, I'm here to ask you to stop spouting your mouth off about me to your kids. It's affecting my family."

"Your family? You've only known them two weeks. I've known them their whole lives."

"Either way, they're still my family and I'm asking you to stop telling your children things about Josh and me."

"So what is it I'm supposed to have said exactly?"

"That Josh hated me."

"He did hate you." That affirmation stung but I shook it off.

"You don't know that."

"Yes, I do. We were best friends. He told me how much he hated you and your mother."

"And did he explain why exactly?"

"I didn't need to know. He was my best friend. If he hated you, he had a good reason."

I would not lower myself to tell this narrow-minded buffoon how Josh's father had treated my mother. He was not worth it.

"That's none of your business, so I'd appreciate it if you'd stop spreading your venom about me to your children."

"Venom? The only venom here is you doll. I heard you've already lost their house. Have you spent your inheritance already?" He was angry and I was now understanding that he thought I was some sort of gold digger. My fists clenched around the strap of my handbag which I was dying to smack him with.

"No, I did not. The only inheritance I got from Josh was hundreds of pounds worth of debt," I shouted.

"That is bull. You're lying," he shouted back, towering over me. "He was my best friend. If he was in debt, he would have come to me."

"Well you can't have been that good a friend because he was up to his ears in debt and that's why we've lost their home. I have a month to find somewhere to rent. That's the predicament your precious best friend has left me in." I immediately felt guilty for talking bad about someone who had died.

"You're a liar. Get out. Get off my property. Now!"

"Don't you dare call me a liar," I warned pointing at his chest.

"Out. Now." He ordered me away like a stray dog. The anger and resentment on his face made me realise I wouldn't get through to him. Turning my back on him, I stormed out. I could feel the tears at the back of my eyes but thankfully managed to hold them back until I was in my car. All I had done was step in to look after these children because they had nobody else and I was sick of being walked all over. Well I was certainly not going to walk away from this town with my tail between my legs because some egotistical Coach didn't like me. I was done walking on egg shells and I needed to sort this mess out.

With grave determination, the next day I found a house. It was outside of town but not so far it would cause too many issues. It was slightly bigger than the first one we'd looked at and it would be free in three weeks so I put a deposit down. I just had to break it to my nieces and nephews that they needed to get rid of some things that wouldn't fit in our new home. As cooking was not my strong point, I bought a platter of take away pizza and nachos to butter up the kids while I delivered the news over dinner.

"I can't eat this," Daniel said.

"Why not? I thought teenagers loved pizza," I answered as I placed a slice on Kat's plate.

"It's full of carbs for a start. I need protein. I'm in rugby training. I can't eat this. Dad never would've bought us pizza."

"This one has chicken. That's protein," I offered but he shook his head in disgust.

"It's too fatty. I'm not eating it either," said Amy, pushing away her plate.

"You're twelve. You're not old enough to worry about dieting yet," I said.

Luke and Kat were tucking into their food, so at least they were eating.

"It's good," Luke said with his mouth full. "Just eat it Dan, one night won't hurt." Daniel looked at his younger brother and sighed in resignation before taking a tentative bite. Amy watched her brother then followed. I let them eat for a while before I dropped the bomb.

"So, I've found us somewhere to live," I said, maybe a little too brightly.

There was silence and they all looked at me in shock. "Where?" asked Luke suspiciously.

"It's a house just a little way outside of town but it's actually quite cute. It's bigger than the one we saw. It has three decent sized bedrooms. You may have to downsize with some things that you don't need anymore but I think you'll like it."

There, I said it. I don't even think I came up for breath through all that.

"Three bedrooms?" asked Amy. "So where are you going to sleep?"

"One of those bedrooms is mine obviously," I said, folding my arms.

"You mean I'm going to have to share with Kat? She's a baby."

"I'm not a baby," cried Kat staring up at me. "Aunt Hannah, tell her I'm not a baby."

"She's not a baby Amy. Look we've all got to make sacrifices. It's the biggest I could find."

"No way," said Amy, folding her arms.

"We're not sharing either," said Daniel pointing between him and Luke. "What if I want to bring a girl home?"

"A girl? Do you even have a girlfriend?" I asked. It was the first I'd heard about it.

"He's got a few actually," said Luke, rolling his eyes. "I don't want to be watching that."

I hadn't thought of girlfriends. Of course, he was seventeen but it just had not entered my head.

"What do you mean a few girlfriends? Is it normal for kids to have more than one these days?"

"I'm not a kid," demanded Daniel, sitting up straight, to emphasise his height. He was almost six feet but still had a baby face.

"Sorry, I didn't mean it like that but surely one girlfriend is enough. You know you could catch something from having too many girlfriends."

"Ugh really? Trying to eat here," said Amy. They all looked at me horrified. This was obviously not the right place for that kind of talk.

"Sorry, you're right. Another time." I held my hands up in apology plus I was feeling a little embarrassed talking about girlfriends. The thought that I might have to have those talks with each of them filled me with dread.

"Whatever. I'm not moving there. You can all do what you like but I'm not going," announced Daniel.

"Me neither," said Amy predictably. They were like a little double act and she followed where he led. However, I could be just as stubborn and we had no choice or we'd be homeless.

"You're both coming. You're going to go through your stuff and get rid of anything that won't fit in your new room. I've printed off photos of the bedrooms so you have an idea of how much space you'll have."

"You're really going to make us do this?" Luke asked incredulously. I thought he was on my side but obviously not.

"I'm sorry Luke, we have no choice."

"Can I have pink wallpaper with unicorns?" asked Kat excitedly.

"No! You can't." shouted Amy before getting up and storming off.

"Can I take my teddies?" asked Kat tentatively with sad eyes.

"Of course you can take your teddies Kitty Kat," answered Daniel reassuringly, leaning over to stoke her hair. He looked at her with sympathy and then gave her a big smile before reaching over and pulling her pony tail, making her giggle. As much as he disliked me, I was proud to see him being a big brother for Kat. "I'm still not going," he declared before walking off.

## **Chapter 4**

I spent most of the next week packing essentials and helped Kat gather the things she needed while deciding on the things she could donate to the charity shop.

"So other children who don't have toys will get these?" she asked innocently, looking into a box of old toys that she no longer played with.

"Yes, just think of the happiness you'll bring them," I said.

She smiled and started adding more things to the box. Her siblings however had still not done any packing. I'd given them a few days to get their heads round the situation but they really needed to get a move on.

I shouted from the top of the landing, "Just so you know, I have a big industrial bin arriving on Monday. Anything that is not boxed up ready to move into the new house by next week is going in the bin." They needed to know I meant business.

Daniel responded by blasting his music and Amy slammed her bedroom door. I really needed all their help as I didn't want to throw out anything of their father's that was precious to them. I also had work deadlines creeping up. The editor at the magazine I freelanced for had been very accommodating but I needed to make sure I didn't lose my job.

I spent the afternoon the next day in a coffee shop in the town centre going through work emails. It was a relief to get away from the mayhem of packing. I enjoyed my job. It was something I was actually good at and at least with my articles I had some element of control. The independent coffee shop had artwork on the walls for sale, restored vintage furniture and mismatched teacups but I loved its quirks. It had a real homely feel. I was just piecing together my interview notes on my laptop when I felt a presence looming over me.

"Mind if I sit down?" that unmistakable voice said. I was stunned that he was speaking to me after our last altercation. Without waiting for an answer, Mika rolled his eyes and sat down opposite me impatiently. His legs were so long his knees were almost touching mine. He leaned forward, raising his eyebrow, waiting for some response. It was annoying how attractive he was given his mean personality. His long wavy hair was held up in a man bun that might have looked feminine on someone else and his shirt sleeves were rolled up his muscular arms, showing tribal tattoos on his tanned skin. I wondered if they actually meant something or if they were just for fashion. His strong hands were steepled and his hazel eyes looked serious like he was here to talk business. It was then I realised I still hadn't said anything.

"What can I do for you?" I asked as politely if a little snootily. He annoyed me and I wasn't in the mood for another argument. The sooner he got whatever was on his mind over with, the sooner I could get my work finished.

He narrowed his eyes and looked down at my laptop. "Don't you have Wi-Fi at home?"

"Yes?" I answered with a question, wondering why it was any of his business. My lack of answer appeared to annoy him.

"I thought you'd be too busy packing to be sitting here on social media."

"Actually, before you interrupted, I was working."

"Working? In a coffee shop? Of course you were."

"I'm a freelance journalist, so all I need is a laptop and somewhere to sit."

"A hack. I should have guessed."

I took a deep breath and told myself not argue with him. "No, not a hack actually. That's extremely rude by the way but I suppose that's to be expected."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"Nothing," I sighed. "You have such a winning personality."

"Whereas I see yours is making you plenty of friends around here." He glanced around to emphasise I was sitting on my own.

"I'm here to work not gossip with friends." My hands were clenched and I wanted to wipe away his smug smile. I sighed, just wanting this conversation to be over. "Is there something you wanted?"

"Daniel and the kids don't want to move into that hovel you've agreed to rent."

"It's not a hovel. It's a nice house. Yes it's a little smaller than where they are now but they'll get used to it."

"So you think it's healthy for them to be cramped together like that? They need their space."

"If this is about Daniel moving in with you, I've heard all about that idea and it's a no. I'm not splitting up my family." His eyebrow raised questioningly when I referred to them as my family.

He leaned back, arms folded and narrowed his eyes assessing me then he shook his head. "I can't believe I'm even suggesting this but yes it's about that." I went to interrupt him but he held his hand up to stop me. "Look, just listen for a second. That place you agreed to move into, I checked it out and it's not suitable for four kids."

"You had no right to do that and no offence but this is really not your business."

"It is my- business. These are my best friend's kids. They're like my own and I won't have them living there," he said annoyed.

"I'm their legal guardian. They're my responsibility and that house is the biggest I could find on our budget."

"That's why I want you all to move in with me."

"What?" I spluttered, unable to believe what he'd said.

"You heard me. I want you all to move in with me. You're right, the family shouldn't be split up right now after everything they've been through but they're not living in that hole. I'm building an extension on my house and it'll be finished in six months. Even until then, there's enough room at my place."

"You've got to be kidding me. I'm not living with you. Are you insane?"

"It makes sense and it's not like you have a whole lot of options."

I snapped my laptop shut and stood up, angry at his high handedness. No way was I going to live with him. This was his sneaky way of taking over guardianship of the children. "Thanks but no thanks."

Picking up my bag I turned to walk away but he grabbed my arm. "Look, at least sit down and discuss this. I'm serious."

His huge hand was clamped around my arm, telling me he wouldn't let me leave easily so I sat down. "Last time we spoke you threw me off your property and called me a liar."

"I realise now that I might've been wrong." He glanced away sheepishly before holding my gaze again.

"About which part exactly?" I pressed.

"I had my lawyers look into what you told me. It's true, Josh was in some financial difficulty so I know you didn't spend all their money."

"Wow, thank you. I'm so grateful. That means so much to me." Sarcasm was not beyond me when I was annoyed.

"Just hear me out for a second and stop being stubborn. The children are the priority here. This is the best option for them."

"I decide what's best for them not you," I pointed at my chest for emphasis. He went to speak then closed his mouth and nodded before adding, "Fine, I get it. You're their guardian. I just want what's best for them. You should too. That's what you do when you have kids. You put them first."

"Of course I want what's best for them," I said. "I dropped my whole life to come here. I am putting them first."

"Choosing that house is not putting them first, especially when living with my family is the better option. Dan and Amy already practically live with us anyway, they spend so much time at my house. That place is practically a shed and it gets really cold here in the winter. You'll all freeze in there."

"I've already paid the deposit so I can't back out now or I'll lose the money." It was true but I was looking for any excuse not to move in with him. The children may be fine living with Mika but I wouldn't. I didn't like him and I knew the feeling was mutual.

"You'll get it back. I already spoke to the owner Doug. He said he'd give you your deposit back."

"You what? You had no right to do that." I was livid. This is what I was afraid of, that he would barge in and try to railroad me and he was already trying.

"Chill out. I saw him in passing and just asked about it. It's no big deal."

I didn't believe he just saw him in passing but I had no proof he'd gone meddling into my business to get his own way.

"I don't know who you think you are but stop trying to take over our lives. We have a house and we'll be fine. Thank you for the offer but no thank you." I stood up abruptly.

He was shocked. "You're really saying no? You're going to be that stubborn?"

"This is between me and my family so please stay out of it." I was getting a stress headache and needed to get home.

"I told you, I love those kids like they're my own. I'll do everything I can to make sure they're looked after," he warned. So long as that didn't involve me living with him, he could do what he wanted. I stormed out of the coffee shop, flustered but determined. I wanted to get our boxes packed as soon as possible. The quicker we moved the better so we could settle into a new routine.

## **Chapter 5**

"I'm sorry Hannah but I had to let the house out to someone else. It was an agreement I could not get out of and I've signed a contract with them now."

"We were supposed to move out next week. We'll be homeless," I shouted down the phone to Doug desperately. It was lucky the children were at their after-school clubs again and would not witness my meltdown. "I paid you a deposit. That's the whole point of a deposit so you keep the house for me."

"I'm really sorry, honestly I am but we didn't sign any documents. There was no binding agreement and you'll get your deposit back. I honestly feel really bad but there is nothing I can do. I am so sorry."

"Well tell that to my kids who'll be living on the streets." I was bitter and panicked. This was just unreasonable. There was silence for a second before he said gently, "I heard Coach made you an offer, maybe you should consider that."

"He told you about that?" Suddenly I became suspicious.

"Well it just came up in conversation."

"Yes a lot seems to come up in conversation with that man."

"He's a good man. Your family could do worse than have someone like him looking out for them."

"Did he put you up to this?" I asked.

Doug didn't answer my question. "Why don't you speak to him about his offer? Hear him out."

"Thank you for the advice Doug. I really appreciate it," I spat out. Realising that Mika must've had a hand in this made me want to throw something at the wall. His meddling could leave my family homeless. I was in my car and outside his house before I realised what I was doing. It was ironic that the last time I was here he practically marched me off the property yet now he was trying to force me to stay here. I stormed up to the front door and pushed hard on the bell. After a minute of waiting I went around to the back. I spotted him in his hard hat helping the construction workers to lay concrete. His back was to me so he didn't see me approach.

"So, I suppose you think taking my house from underneath me is really mature."

He stiffened then stood up to face me. "I don't know what you are talking about," he said dismissively, clearly lying.

"I just had a conversation with Doug. Apparently, there was an agreement that he couldn't get out of and now my family are homeless. My guess is that it's all down to you." Pointing my finger into his hard chest, I glared at him.

"Your family is not homeless. You all have a home here and are very welcome. There's no need to thank me for putting the kids first and being so hospitable. I'm even willing to overlook how rude you're being right now. See, that's how much I love those kids that I'm actually willing to put up with you."

I wanted to take a swing at him, not that I could have reached up to his big head he was so tall. Instead I balled my hands into fists like a child and thought really bad things about him. I imagined shoving him into the concrete he was laying then that smirk he was wearing right now would be permanently stuck on his face.

"You don't like me and I don't like you but it doesn't matter. It's about the kids and doing what is best for them. I owe it to my best friend. For some reason he felt he couldn't come to me for help when he was alive but I can help his family now."

I held back tears of frustration, feeling trapped. There was nowhere else to live in this town. I'd visited all the vacant properties. Then I thought about my nieces and nephews. Maybe I could force myself to put up with this man for a little while just until I got us settled into a routine and gave the children a chance to get to know me better. They might even come to like me, though that was wishful thinking. He must have sensed I was backing down as his smile got bigger.

"I can't afford to pay you any more rent than I was going to pay Doug," I said.

"Don't be absurd, I don't want rent. It'll be a bit cosy for the next six months but once this is built, there'll be plenty of space for everyone."

"I'm paying rent. That's my condition of moving in here. I'm not living here for free."

Mika let out an exasperated sigh. "Fine, whatever you want. You're a pain in the backside, do you know that?" It was the biggest compliment he could have given me and a pain in his behind was the least he deserved. I just hoped I could put my own feelings aside for the children's sake. When I told them that night, they were delighted. We joined Mika and his family later that week so we could all talk through the plan.

As we all sat around his large dining table, I could tell Mika's children were a little suspicious of me. After all I was a total stranger who would be living in their home. The eldest boy Tane, who at seventeen was already a giant like his dad and played rugby with Daniel, sat scrutinising me. He was like a brother to Daniel so I could understand him being protective. Matiu was Mika's second eldest at just a year younger than Tane and he had a smart mouth with just enough charm to get away with it. "So do we get to call you aunt as well?" asked Matiu with a cheeky smile. "Actually you're too pretty to be our aunt." He was definitely going to be a handful.

Mika choked on a piece of chicken he was chewing. "Watch your mouth Matiu. Have some respect for grown-ups," making the point clear that Matiu was in fact still a boy. Everyone went quiet. Mika's word was obviously the law in this house.

"Sorry dad, I was just joking," said Matiu, looking embarrassed.

"It's fine. How about you call me Hannah?" I smiled at Matiu, trying to keep the peace.

Matiu nodded and gave me his charming a smile. His younger sister Maia, who was just thirteen, rolled her eyes at her brother. She smiled at me reassuringly and I smiled back gratefully. I looked up and saw Mika watching our interaction. His eyebrows drew together and he seemed put out. I thought he'd be glad I was trying to get on with his family.

Mika's youngest boy Niko, who was nine, was trying to make Kat laugh by playing drums with pieces of chicken. It warmed my heart to see her smile. Looking around I wondered how Mika had managed to bring up such good kids on his own. I could see why him and Josh had become friends, given their similar circumstances. He probably felt a little lonely at the loss of his friend. I glanced at Mika who was smiling at a rugby story Daniel and Tane were telling him. He looked at me and his smile dropped, reminding me we'd never be friends. I would need to remember to treat him like any other landlord.

The morning we finally moved in with Mika was emotional for the children. They were saying goodbye to their childhood home where they had memories of their father and mother. Daniel and Amy still blamed me for our predicament but at least they got on with Mika and his kids. Kat was helping me bring the lighter boxes downstairs when Mika arrived with the removal van which he'd insisted on arranging.

"This is a lot of stuff. Did you get rid of anything at all?" Mika asked.

"I got rid of a lot but some of it is Josh's old stuff that I don't think they were ready to part with yet."

"Fine, we'll keep some of it in storage and maybe go through it another time."

"Are you sure about this?" I asked him, glancing around at the mounds of boxes. "There's still time to back out," I joked.

"Of course I'm sure. I would never back out of this," he said seriously.

"I know, I was just kidding." He frowned making me feel foolish for joking.

The van was filled, then Mika and I followed it to his place in our cars. Daniel opted to travel with Mika and his family in the four-by-four. I think Amy would have joined them if there'd been any room. Instead she had to slum it with Luke, Kat and I in my old Fiesta. As I pulled up into Mika's driveway, I took a deep breath and let it sink in that this was going to be our home now.

"Let us show you all your rooms before we start to unload the boxes," Mika said. "It'll be a bit of a squeeze for a while but once the extension is built, you'll all have your own rooms," he assured. Luke was sharing with Matiu and Niko in one of the big rooms. Amy, Kat and Maia took the other big room, while Daniel and Tane had a smaller room each. That left a box room for me, which was at the opposite end of the house, furthest away from Mika's. It looked like it may have been a walk-in wardrobe at some point as there were clothes rails on one side but it had a window. There was enough room for a bed under the rails and a wardrobe but not enough for a desk. That was actually fine as I spent a lot of time working in coffee shops anyway. Was I being paranoid that he put me in a room away from everyone else? I supposed someone had to be in there and it wasn't as though I could afford to be choosy.

"I thought you might want your privacy. Plus kids can be noisy when you're not used to them." He gave me a patronising look. I got the message loud and clear. He was an expert at raising a big family and I had no clue.

"Thanks. That's very considerate," I forced myself to say.

"It's not like you have a lot of stuff, so I'm sure you'll be fine in here," he almost sneered. I wasn't materialistic, so he was right in a way. My only possessions were my suitcase, laptop and car so I really didn't need much space. A single bed was fine too. It wasn't as though I'd be bringing a boyfriend back home. In fact celibacy was on the cards for me for at least the next decade.

"Great, thank you," I said cordially, refusing to let him get a rise out of me.

Adapting to the routine of the household took a bit of getting used to. There were only two bathrooms so the mornings were a little chaotic. Both Kat and Niko were at the same school so I volunteered to drive them, while the others all piled into Mika's giant car. Mika and I stayed out of each other's way for the most part but he insisted we all had dinner together every night. It was his family's routine and now it was ours too. When I'd been living alone, I'd mostly just snack between deadlines so sharing mealtimes with so many people was a little overwhelming at first but I enjoyed listening to all their stories. I was still l feeling like nobody really wanted me there plus Mika never tried to include me in the conversation so I mostly just watched the interaction.

The building work on the house was also coming along well and I was learning a lot watching the construction crew. When Mika was in work, I lent a hand and they had even let me lay some of the foundation bricks, which was actually quite fun. I enjoyed being useful. The crew were entertaining and I could tell they enjoyed having me around, even if it was just to make them cups of tea.

"So what did you do today?" Mika asked. He was cooking as he never trusted me to make it. Maybe he thought I'd poison him. We'd all been living together for about a month and the question felt strange as it was the first time he'd initiated conversation outside of talking about the children.

"Erm, nothing exciting. I helped the guys out in the back yard with some of the building work and managed to file a story through for the magazine."

He dropped the ladle he was using to stir the pot of stew. "You helped with the building work?"

"Well, I just helped move stuff and lay a few bricks."

Mika stared at me for a few seconds and turned to face me with his hands on his hips. "Why? Also, since when do you know how to lay bricks?" He looked annoyed.

"The guys taught me how to do it. I've been helping them for a few weeks. It's interesting." I felt like I was in trouble but I couldn't understand why.

"The guys? What so you're all friends now?"

"Not really, they've just been teaching me some things and I thought I could be useful."

"I've paid good money to get the best men in to do the work. I don't want my house to come tumbling down just because you felt like having a go." he growled.

"They wouldn't let me do something if they thought I couldn't do it. Don't be so patronising. I only laid a few bricks."

"I've spent too much money on the work for this house to have you come along and mess it up. I don't want you anywhere near those builders."

"I'm not a child Mika. I would never ruin the house. It's fascinating to me to see the house being constructed and I just wanted to learn." I was actually feeling upset that he thought me so incapable of doing anything.

"It's not your business, so stay out of it and no more trying to help out. I don't want you distracting them and having us fall behind deadline."

"I've helped out lots of times and I have not distracted them at all. If anything they appreciated the help." My hands were on my hips now and I was really annoyed.

"I bet they did," he said in a low voice. He really did hate the thought of me having any interaction with anyone he knew.

"I just wanted to be more involved and to help. I was always supervised so there's no need to worry," I said defensively.

"I invited you to stay here because the kids need a home and I want them with me. I know that means you have to be here too but don't forget you're a guest so I don't want you meddling into my business or the plans for my house."

His words hurt. I realised despite everything I was still an outsider to him. Even though I was paying rent, this was his house so I had to accept that.

"Fine, message received. It's not my house and I'm just a guest. I get it."

All of a sudden the road ahead felt even lonelier as I thought about what the next ten years would be like until Kat was an adult. There was no way I would last that long living with Mika but I really didn't want to uproot the children again anytime soon.

He must have seen how close I was to wanting to pack our things and said, "I didn't mean it like that. Living here is one thing but trying to build my house is not acceptable."

"I wasn't trying to build your house. I was just helping out because I was interested."

"Is it really the cement you're interested in or is it the guys mixing it?" He narrowed his eyes at me fiercely. I was offended that he thought I would stoop so low just to ogle the workmen.

"You know what? It's none of your business," I shouted.

"Stay out of their way Hannah, I mean it," he warned, grabbing my arm.

In my head I was imagining smacking Mika over the head with a shovel and burying him in the foundation of cement. Instead I pulled my arm out of huge giant hand and stormed off. He couldn't see the middle finger I put up to him as I disappeared over the top of the stairs on the way to my bedroom. It was childish but he brought out the worse in me. Unfortunately, I didn't see Matiu reaching the top of the stairs at the same time.

"Did you just flip my dad off?" he looked shocked and laughed.

"No! I was checking my nail. I think I broke it." My answer was quick but I was so red faced at having been caught that he had to know it was a lie.

He laughed. "Don't worry, I do it all the time."

"Well you shouldn't," I said trying to admonish him but knowing I couldn't really have the moral high ground after he'd caught me doing the same thing.

"But you just did it."

"I told you. I was checking my nail," I lied.

"Sure you were," he almost sang as he walked down the stairs. I would have asked him not to tell his father but then I'd have had to admit what I'd done, so I kept quiet. This parenting lark was not easy.

## **Chapter 6**

Despite the run in with Mika I still continued to help out with the construction while he was in work. He was being unreasonable and what he didn't know wouldn't hurt him. I bribed the workers with tea and biscuits so they wouldn't tell him. I got on especially well with the architect, Nick Martin, who had started visiting now the groundwork was done. The plans looked amazing and Mika actually had great vision for the house with huge windows and lots of light travelling through. Nick had taken Mika's ideas and produced a plan for an eco-friendly house that would be a work of art when it was finished. It was just a shame I had to keep my enthusiasm a secret from Mika, who avoided me most of the time and when he did see me struggled hide his annoyance at my existence. My relationship with the kids was improving as in they tolerated me but apart from Kat, I couldn't be certain they would have even noticed if I had suddenly disappeared without a trace.

I was brushing Kat's hair in the bathroom before school and attempting for the third time but failing miserably to put it into a braid, when I heard sniffling in the bedroom she shared with Amy and Maia.

"Kat, if you brush the sections, I'll come back and try the braid again in a minute okay?"

She nodded and got to work on pulling the brush through her long brown hair. I held my ear to the girls' bedroom door and could hear whimpering again. There was no response when I knocked lightly, so I walked in.

Amy was crying and her face crumpled when she saw me.

"Go away," she said burying her face in the pillow.

It was a shock to see her so distressed. I sat down next to her on the bed desperate to know what was wrong. Tentatively I stroked my hand along her hair like my mother used to do to me, knowing any second, she could turn around and bite my head off.

"Amy what's wrong?" I asked gently.

"Nothing. Just go away."

"I know I'm not your parent but you know you can tell me anything."

"I want dad," she sobbed. "I just wish he was here so I could talk to him." My heart broke for her. She'd been through so much, they all had, having lost their mother to cancer five years before and now their father.

"I know you do sweetie. Life is cruel and you have all had to deal with too much." I stroked her hair again. "You know in a way he'll never really be gone if he's in your thoughts. You can even talk to him if that helps. When my granddad died, I'd still talk to him about anything that was bothering me and I'd imagine what he would tell me to do. I still do it now and it feels like he's still with me. Try it. If your dad was here what would you tell him?"

"I'd tell him I want him back and that I hate my classes because my friends aren't speaking to me. They think I'm miserable all the time but I don't want to have sleep overs and talk about boys. Who cares?"

"So you're having problems with your friends?"

"It doesn't matter. None of it matters. It's all just stupid."

"It's not stupid and it does matter. It's upset you so it does matter. Something must have happened to make you feel like this."

"They're just being bitchy because I'm not as fun as I used to be. The other day, one of the boys in my class who my so-called friend Lisa likes asked me out. I said 'no' but she still hates me. She started spreading stories about me, telling lies, saying I've been with boys when I haven't and she's turned everyone against me. I feel sick. I don't want to go to school ever again."

I hated bullies and I wanted to go down that school to have words with them myself but I knew I needed to act maturely.

"I know you don't want to go to school but if you don't go in, they've won. You're stronger than that. You lost your dad three months ago and are one of the toughest girls I know. How about I take you to school just for today? We'll drive up and just see how you feel when you get there then we'll decide what to do."

After a while she gave a sigh. "If I don't want to go in you've got to promise you won't force me."

"I promise." I wasn't sure what I would do if she didn't go it but I'd think about that if it happened. Amy eventually dragged herself off the bed and got ready.

I dropped off Kat and Niko first, who must have sensed something was happening as they were unusually quiet in the car and kept glancing at Amy. Mika looked questioningly when I'd told him I was taking her to school but when he saw she'd been crying he let it go giving me a look that said we'd talk about it later.

As I stopped at the school gates Amy said, "I can't go in. That's her."

"That little girl speaking to that woman next to the car?" The girl and well-dressed woman were standing next to an expensive white Mercedes.

"Yes, that's her and her mother is Mrs Lewis. Everyone's scared of her. She's so rich but is horrible to everyone. She owns her own fashion company and Lisa's always showing off about it."

"Well some people allowed to just feed off their own reputations if people let them," I murmured. Amy looked at me confused and gasped in horror as I got out of the car.

"Where are you going? Aunt Hannah, no please don't go over there."

The woman was taller than me, a little older and definitely more sophisticated in her designer suit and sleek black shoulder length hair. As I approached, she narrowed her eyes which disdainfully travelled from my top to my jeans which admittedly I'd bought in a supermarket sale. Although I didn't enjoy confrontation, I pushed my shoulders back and said, "Mrs Lewis can I speak with you for a minute please?"

"What about? You're Amy's aunt, correct?" she asked haughtily.

"Yes that's right. In fact that's the reason I'm here."

"Oh really?" She was disinterested and was turning away to dismiss me.

"Yes, really." I stood in front of her slightly to prevent her getting back into her car. Amy stood to the side wide-eyed and Lisa looked on with a scowl on her face.

Mrs Lewis was looked slightly annoyed but then plastered a stuck-up smile on her face. "So what can I do for you Miss...?"

"Hannah, you can call me Hannah."

"What can I do for you Hannah?" she asked insincerely looking at me like I was a fly she wanted to swat away.

"I want you to tell your daughter to stop bullying my niece and to stop spreading nasty rumours about her."

"My daughter would never do that."

"Well actually yes she has and I want it to stop." My hands were clenched on my hips.

"I'm sorry, I don't know who you think you are but as I said my daughter would never do that. I know for a fact she has nothing to do with Amy."

"She's making my niece's school life a misery and it needs to stop here," I warned.

"Or what?" she asked looking down at me with her arms folded. It was evident where the daughter got her bad attitude from.

"Look I didn't want to resort to having the school discipline your daughter but..."

She interrupted me with a harsh laugh. "Discipline my daughter? Are you kidding? They wouldn't dare. You're obviously not from around here so let me tell you something. That school would be nothing without our family's support."

"Really? Well I'm sure they might worry about their reputation when I write a news story about bullying in schools, particularly in regard to how this particular school deals with the issue. It's hot topic nationally, especially with the rise in suicides among teenagers. I hope you would be ready to give a comment on the matter as a local businesswoman and as such an important figure in the community."

The mention of her business and the possibility of her reputation being even slightly tarnished wiped the smile off her face. Even if she knew I was bluffing my guess was that she wouldn't risk it.

Stepping towards me she said, "Don't threaten me miss. I don't scare easily."

"I hope you're willing to go on the record and say that."

She stepped back and ignoring me, she turned on her heel to address her daughter. "Lisa, it stops right now. Apologise. I don't want to hear another word about this," she said in a low warning voice. Mrs Lewis got into her car and glanced at me with narrowed eyes before she drove off leaving her daughter red faced and alone at the school gate. Looking lost and mortified, the girl was on the verge of tears without her mother to back her up. "Sorry Amy," she said in a small voice before running off.

Amy looked on in shock. "I can't believe you said that to Mrs Lewis."

I almost couldn't believe it myself and was a little shaken by having to resort to threats but I felt so protective of the kids. "I'd say whatever it took to stop anyone from hurting you. Are you ready to go to school?"

Amy took a deep breath and nodded before walking through the gates. I drove off feeling proud that she was facing those bullies and I really hoped I had not made things worse for her.

When Amy came home smiling that afternoon, I guessed her day had been much better and it was such a relief. That feeling didn't last long as I was confronted by Mika when he walked in the door.

"Can I have a word?" he said he demanded seriously, not really asking. I followed him into the kitchen like I was heading into the headteacher's office.

"So I heard a rumour today at the school," he said raising an eyebrow, leaning his hip against the breakfast bar with his arms folded.

"Oh yeah? What about?" I tried to look innocent but I had an idea it was about the run in with Mrs Lewis.

"I heard you threatened Anna Lewis in the car park today."

"Well I wouldn't say I threatened her exactly. I was trying to make the point of that bullying in schools was a national issue."

"So you were merely informing her? You didn't happen to threaten the reputation of her business in the national press by exposing her daughter as a bully?"

"I asked her to stop her daughter spreading rumours about Amy and she refused."

"So you threatened her?"

"I didn't really threaten her. I just highlighted how she may be perceived in the news as a businesswoman," I said defensively.

"She's not someone you want to make an enemy of Hannah," he warned, although I sensed he wasn't really bothered about the woman's power but just felt it was his duty to tell me off.

"Well I'm not someone she would want to make an enemy of either," I answered stubbornly.

His mouth shifted as though he was trying to hold back a smile which confused me a little. "You can't just go around threatening other parents. That's not how this works." He spoke to me like I was a child.

"Well she needs to stop being such a hard faced a bitch," I seethed.

Mika actually burst out laughing this time. It really surprised me as I'd never heard him laugh out loud before but he should do it more often.

"Well yeah she is that," he admitted then straightened his features. "Even so, like I said you can't just threaten people."

I rolled my eyes. "Look, I'm not letting anyone pick on the kids. I don't care who they are. I hate bullies and if I can do something to stop it I will. All I did was ask her to stop her daughter from picking on Amy and she ignored me so I had to say something."

He took a sobering breath. "I probably would've had the same reaction but I'm just saying be careful. You don't know everyone around here yet. These are rich, powerful people who are used to getting their own way."

"Like you?" I asked defensively.

He wasn't happy with that comment. "I didn't always have money. When I came over here from New Zealand, I had nothing but lucky for me my trial with a big rugby team paid off. I wasn't born into money. I had to work hard for what I have so get the chip off your shoulder."

Feeling chagrined I said, "I'm sorry. It just annoys me when people use their money to make others feel powerless. That sort of power trip makes me want to explode, especially when people refuse to take responsibility for their children."

It was probably the most I'd ever spoken to him and I felt a little self-conscious having just unleashed those feelings. He probably thought I was a freak. It's not like we were even friends or anything. Maybe he was right and I did have a chip on my shoulder but I wouldn't be walked all over.

"I do know what you mean," he said.

"You do?" I asked, surprised.

"Yeah, of course I do. It's something I try to drum into the young players on the rugby team. I mean some of them will make it to be professional players at some point. With that comes a big responsibility. They'll have money and power but it's important that it's not abused. I saw a lot of that when I was playing."

"It's good that they have someone to teach them that." It was surprising that we felt the same about something. I stared at him in silence and I wondered if there was a lot more to Mika than he let people see. We may never be friends but maybe we could be civil to one another.

Mike looked a little uncomfortable for a second and then turned away. "I was thinking chicken casserole for dinner," he said in his usual grumpy tone looking into the fridge. I was puzzled at the sudden change in conversation but I guessed our moment of mutual understanding was over.

"Sure, sounds good. I'm just going to finish up the story I'm working on."

"You've been working on a new story?" he asked, looking up from the fridge in interest.

"Yeah, I should be finished tonight."

He raised his eyebrows and looked like he wanted to ask about it but just nodded.

"Thanks for ordering me a desk." It was a child-sized desk as that was all that would fit but it was great not having my laptop on my knee in bed.

He grimaced and nodded reluctantly. Almost apologetically he said, "I hadn't thought about how much work you needed to do on the computer." He turned away quickly looking troubled and a little uncomfortable as he set the food on the counter.

"Well thanks again. I'll come down and help when I'm finished," I offered.

"No need, you carry on with what you're doing. I'll get one of the kids to call you down when it's ready," he answered a little too quickly. To see Mika looking uncomfortable was unusual but at least he was being polite for a change.

Before I sat at my desk to finish my magazine article, I called my mother.

"Hi Hannah, how are you love?" she answered.

"I'm fine mum. I just thought I'd give you a quick call."

"How's that Coach treating you honey?"

"A bit friendlier today, well after he told me off for threatening one of the mum's at Amy's school. I think he agreed with me though."

"Why what happened?"

I told her the whole story and she said, "You've always been very protective and hot tempered. Just be careful love."

"I just couldn't stand by and not do anything."

"No, I know, of course not. That doesn't mean that woman won't retaliate so just be ready."

"Yeah, I know," I sighed.

"So how is the house coming along?"

I told her about some the work I'd been doing and she started laughing. "I thought Mika didn't want you doing any of the renovation work?"

"Yeah he doesn't know. I wait until he goes to work and spend my mornings doing DIY then my afternoons catching up on my work. I can't believe I am actually in a routine here. I even eat dinner regularly you'll be pleased to know."

"So it's worked out for you then? I knew it would."

"Well kind of. The kids still don't really take much notice of me, especially now we're living here and they all love Coach so much. That makes me sound so selfish doesn't it? I suppose I should be grateful that they have a father figure to look out for them."

"Plus he's not bad to look at," she quipped.

"How do you know what he looks like?" I asked suspiciously.

"Oh come on love. I saw his photo on Daniel's social media page. You could do worse."

"Mother, I'm going to pretend you didn't say that. He hates me and I don't like him either. So long as he's good with the kids that's all I want. Also, stop snooping on people's profile pages."

"Who do you think you got your nosey journalist skills from? Also, if it wasn't for my snooping, I couldn't tell you about the date Mika has on Friday. Did you know about that?"

"What? He doesn't have a date. That man does not date believe me. I've never even seen him even look at a woman. I think his ex did a real number on him and he seems to have some big trust issues." I scoffed at the idea.

"Well according to his profile he has a date coming up. I'm surprised you didn't know. The woman's pretty, though not as beautiful as you love." She was deliberately stirring even though I'd told her before that I had no romantic interest in Mika. He could go on as many dates as he wanted, it didn't matter to me at all. My stomach however felt a little funny all of a sudden.

"Well thanks for the updates mum. I'm going to go and do some washing and then some work seeing as I have no life," I said with a lot of self-pity.

"Sorry, I shouldn't have mentioned it. I know it's hard honey. Maybe you should consider going out on a date yourself. I bet there are plenty of men there who would love to take my beautiful, talented and kind daughter out. You can show that Coach what he's missing."

"Yes mum, I'm such a catch. I'm sure there are plenty of men who want an opinionated woman with four kids, who's living with a man who also has four kids. Now weird at all. Anyway, I'm going to go and dream about when I'm eighty and I may finally get my life back." I think I was actually pouting like a child.

"Come on Hannah, don't be selfish. Those kids have lost a lot and you may not realise it but you've gained so much by being part of their lives."

I sighed. "I know, I'm just feeling sorry for myself. Feel free to give me a kick up the backside when you hear me doing that."

"I will as always. That's what mums are for. Goodnight love."

"Goodnight mum."

While I loved speaking to my mum the conversation left me feeling a little uneasy. I told myself it had nothing at all to do with Mika's forthcoming date but I did wonder why he hadn't mentioned it. Surely I'd be the one babysitting after all. Unless he just assumed I'd be in on Friday. I was tempted to stalk his social media but just about stopped myself. We lived together and I'd have to wait for him to tell me. I wasn't even sure why the date was on my mind. It wasn't like we were friends or anything. Maybe it wasn't really a date but was more a friendship thing.

My thoughts were answered the next morning at breakfast. It was the one of the few times we'd all had breakfast together and Mika had made his specialty pancakes. The foreman, Dave Gentry, who was in his fifties and knew everything about construction, was on his way to the extension area when Mika called him over. He walked through the patio doors and patted Mika on the shoulder with affection.

"Hey Dave, you're here early. Want some breakfast?" asked Mika.

"Cheers but I'm fine thanks. I just wanted to have a look around before the men get here today as we're putting up some of the internal walls. So, a little bird tells me you have date with my niece on Friday. Where are you going for the big night?"

The whole table went quiet. The kids gaped at Mika in a mix of surprise and confusion.

"A date dad?" Maia said, looking worried. "Who with?"

Mika looked at his daughter and there was a slight red tinge to his cheeks. His eyes shot to me for a second and he grimaced then scowled. It wasn't my fault he had to explain himself to his daughter.

"Thanks for that Dave," he said on a sigh.

"Sorry mate," Dave looked contrite as everyone at the table looked at Mika for an explanation. "Well, erm I guess I'll chat to you later then." Dave quickly went outside to get on with the building work.

"Carla is Mr Gentry's niece and is a very nice lady. She's also very talented and helped on designing the extension to our house," he said trying sell the idea to his children.

"Is she the hot one with the red hair?" asked Matiu. "If it's her then yes she's fine," he said to his brother Tane and to Daniel, wiggling his eyebrows.

Tane rolled his eyes. "Dad are you serious? She's too young for you."

"Carla's not young. She's twenty-seven and very mature," Mika was getting defensive and looked annoyed that I was witnessing the conversation.

"That's only ten years older than me," Tane added looking appalled.

"Like I said, she's very mature for her age and has a lot more experience than other women her age." At this Matiu started laughing and Mika rolled his eyes realising his mistake. "I meant life experience," said Mika narrowing his eyes at Matiu. "Don't be crude."

The conversation gave me an unsettled feeling and I put it down to my disappointment in Mika for disrupting things just when we were all starting to get into a routine. I knew it unfair of me to deny Mika a date, after him bringing up four kids practically on his own for years but the through just made me feel upset. I had the worse poker face and just hoped that my silly feelings weren't showing.

"You can't go out dad. Who's going to look after us?" announced Maia.

Mika stared at me and raised his eyebrows expecting me to back him up. All other eyes were now on me. "I mean of course I'll look after the kids. I'll be in on Friday." I gave a small smile that I hoped looked reassuring even though I was feeling a little nauseous.

"Of course you'll be in. Where else would you be?" Daniel mumbled under his breath. It annoyed me that they all knew I had no social life but this conversation was not about me so I ignored the jibe.

"Great!" Mika looked relieved. "See, it's all planned. Hannah will be here on Friday, so there's no need for any of you to complain."

Kat, who was sitting next to me patted my hand and whispered not so quietly, "Don't worry Aunt Hannah, we'll find you a husband."

My face turned puce as everyone looked at me. "Erm thanks Kat, that's really nice but I think I'm fine without one." She meant well but I cringed inside.

"Yeah we don't need some stranger trying to act like our new dad. We had a dad and he can't be replaced," said Luke bitterly. For him to be so vocal was a surprise.

"Hey, don't be silly. Nobody is going to be coming in acting like that." I reassured him. "I'll be here Friday with you kids like always. I don't want to hear any more about that ok?"

Luke nodded, looking relieved. When I glanced in Mika's direction, he didn't look too pleased at the turn the conversation had made. His eyes were on me in serious thought but when I met them, he quickly looked away.

Maia, who was in the seat beside me didn't look reassured. "Are you ok honey?" I asked her quietly. Despite her mother leaving them when she was just seven, she was not a bitter teenager. Maia always had a calming influence and cared deeply for her family. She just nodded and smiled weakly. "Hey, don't worry so much. Your dad is a grown up and he's a good judge of character, after all he chose us to live here didn't he?" I winked at her and she smiled. "Plus you and your brothers mean more than anything in the world to him. Nothing and nobody would ever come between you."

As I looked up, I caught Mika looking at me again before averting his eyes. Admittedly I was feeling a hurt about the whole date thing. I told myself it was just because I should have been informed as the other guardian in the house. However, he had every right to be happy after devoting so much of his life to these kids. Although, I hadn't met Carla yet, if her personality was as beautiful as the design for our house extension, maybe she was worthy of this family. A pang of jealousy tried to take root inside me but I forced it down. I needed to focus on getting my work done so I could continue to keep paying our rent. There was no time for other distractions.

## **Chapter 7**

When Friday night came, I was feeling jittery. I told myself it must've been the fear of further change. If Mika decided to start a relationship with Carla where would that leave the kids and I? Daniel and Tane were on a sleepover at their friends, Amy and Luke were in their bedrooms while Matiu was sitting in the living room waiting to get a look at Mika's date. Carla lived on the outskirts and was picking Mika up in a taxi on the way into town.

Sitting at the dining table with Maia, helping Kat and Niko with their homework, I felt an unfamiliar pang at the thought of Mika going on his date. As though my mind had conjured him, he appeared in the doorway and took in the scene with a slight frown. It was hard not to notice how breathtakingly handsome he was. The six-foot three mound of muscle easily filled the grey suit he was wearing. The collar was slightly unbuttoned on his white shirt, barely hiding his toned chest. His dark shoulder length wavy hair, which he left loose for a change, framed his chiselled jawline and hazel eyes. Honestly, I wasn't staring but I'd never seen such a perfect specimen of a man. Despite his personality and aversion to me, I had to admit Carla was one very lucky woman. Actually, Maybe I was staring a little as he coughed to get my attention. His eyes scanned the table. "What are you guys doing? Homework?"

"I have to design a robot of the future," Niko said. "I'm going to design one that does homework for you."

Mika laughed. "I think that's cheating bud."

"Exactly what I said but he was determined," I added.

"Aunt Hannah, what does bonita mean?"

"It means pretty."

"Oh." After a pause Kat said, "I think you're bonita."

"Thanks Kat, I think you're bonita too," I smiled at her. Mika was looking at the scene wistfully.

"You know Spanish?" he asked surprised.

"A little. I can't believe they teach them Spanish at that age. That's insane. I think it's brilliant though."

"Just don't ask Matiu to speak any Italian. I'm sure he only ever learned the swear words," Mika joked. His smile was really dazzling as he looked at me and I felt a little nervous flutter in my stomach. The moment was broken when the doorbell rang.

Mika shot out of the doorway to answer it. "Matiu don't you dare open that door." He was too late and I could hear Matiu already greeting Carla. I wasn't sure what I should do, whether to go and introduce myself or stay at the table. Mika and I weren't friends or family, so the protocol wasn't clear. Feeling a little awkward, I decided to wait in the kitchen. Niko followed his father to the front door but Maia excused herself and went upstairs.

After a few seconds Mika coughed at the kitchen door to get our attention. I looked up and forced a smile as I tried to push away the withering feeling. His date was absolutely stunning like a real-life Jessica Rabbit with glossy red wavy hair, a bottle green figure-hugging dress and heels that could be used as weapons. I couldn't remember the last time I'd even worn heels. This woman could have been a model never mind a designer. However the most alluring thing about Carla was her big warm smile. I couldn't help but smile back. It was annoying that I couldn't even bring myself to dislike her and while it hurt a little, I had to admit she seemed perfect for Mika. They belonged on a red carpet together. Looking down briefly at my leggings, long baggy hoodie and pumps I realised how inadequate I was. My hair was pulled up in a messy bun with a pen sticking out of it and what little makeup I'd put on this morning had probably smudged off.

Even though I just wanted to disappear, I stood up to offer my hand, which she took affectionately.

"Hi I'm Hannah." I wasn't quite sure how to summarise who I was but she bailed me out.

"Hi Hannah, I'm pleased to meet you. I've heard a lot about you."

I raised my eyebrows in surprise and suspicion, wondering if Mika had talked about me but he looked puzzled. Nothing he told her would have been good.

"Don't look worried," she said as though reading my thoughts. "It's all good. In fact I think my uncle's men are quite smitten with you. They always talk about how much you help them with the construction work and how hard a worker you are." I grimaced. Although she meant it as a compliment, she didn't realise she had just landed me in it.

"Oh they do huh?" asked Mika who gave a tight smile, not pleased at all. He was staring me down and I knew there was going to be trouble about this.

"I hardly do anything. Just making cups of tea really." I played it down hoping to wriggle out of it.

"Well that's not what they say so you don't have to be modest. They're all really impressed. I think you've won a few hearts. A woman with building skills. To them that's a rare find." She winked at me like we were old friends and I blushed at her compliment. Mika tensed beside her and luckily, she was totally oblivious to the eye daggers he was throwing my way.

"Shall we get going?" Mika said a little gruffly, ushering Carla out of the kitchen before we could continue the conversation. His hand was at her lower back protectively and I felt that weird pang again. I wondered if I'd ever have someone take care of me like that.

"It was lovely to meet you," she practically giggled.

"Don't wait up," he said sarcastically. "But if anything happens call me right away."

My mock salute was met with distain. I knew how hard it was for him to leave the kids even for one night. He actually looked worried.

"We'll be fine," I sighed trying to reassure him. "Go and enjoy yourselves." I half meant it because Carla was actually really nice and even I couldn't deny Mika deserved a night out. I just secretly hoped they wouldn't enjoy it too much. While Carla seemed lovely, I couldn't help feeling jealous. She was beautiful and I feared Mika would fall in love with her. Also I was feeling sorry for myself at the fact that I was in on a Friday night. Maybe Carla was right. Maybe I should go on a date. No, the children weren't ready for that. I looked in the mirror in my small room and pulled my long blonde hair out of its messy bun that resembled a bird's nest. Generally I was too busy to bother wearing my hair down and as I hardly went out anywhere special there seemed to be little point. I thought about Carla's elegant, sexy dress while I stared at the figureless outfit I'd thrown on. There really was no competition between us, not that I wanted there to be. I didn't like Mika that way and he annoyed me most of the time.

Instead of torturing myself with thoughts of what they were doing on their date, I decided to tidy myself up. I took a relaxing bath, lathering my skin in coconut body lotion while Alanis Morrissette played in the background, convincing me that I was a strong, independent woman who did not need validation from any man. After blow drying my hair straight, I put on a touch of makeup. It felt weird having my hair down and it was close to my waist. Maybe I should get it cut to shoulder length to look more mature. Carla was just 27 and oozed sophistication. Picking out my nicest leggings, I paired them with a long, off the shoulder sweatshirt. Even though I wasn't going anywhere, I felt feminine and maybe even a little pretty.

I checked on Niko and he'd fallen asleep in his room. Kat was also asleep in her bed. I could hear Maia and Amy chatting in their room, as I walked past their door and downstairs.

"Where are you going looking all fancy?" Matiu asked, eyebrows raised, when I walked past the living room. He was playing a video game with Luke, who turned around and looked at me suspiciously.

"Nowhere. I just wanted to get changed."

They both looked at each other and smirked. A shot rang out from the television screen and thankfully their attention was back on the game. After making a cup of coffee I set up my lap top to do some work on the dining table. I was busy proofreading my article when my mobile phone rang and it was a number I didn't recognise.

"Hello, Hannah speaking."

"Is that Hannah Lomax?" the male voice asked.

"Yes, speaking. Who is this?"

"This is Police Constable Murray." My heart sank and I froze. This could not be good. "I'm sorry to bother you so late at night but are you the guardian of Daniel Walker?" Now my heart was pounding with fear.

"Yes," I said nervously. "Has something happened?"

"He's been involved in an incident Ms Lomax. He was arrested this evening and we'll need you to come down to the station."

"Arrested? What for?" It was lucky I was sitting down or I would have collapsed with shock.

"Both him and his friend Tane Cooper were arrested following an alleged assault at an illegal rave tonight."

"An illegal rave? They told me they were going to a friend's house." I willed my brain to function while inside I was freaking out.

"We've also been trying to contact Mika Cooper but have not been able to get in contact. We understand you live together is that right?"

"Yes, erm we share a house but Mika's out tonight. I can try his phone."

"If you could try and make contact that would be helpful. We'll need you both to come down to the station as soon as possible."

"What happened? Are they going to be charged?" My voice croaked as I realised how little I really knew Daniel if he would something like this.

"We're investigating at the moment Ms Lomax. If you could come down as soon as possible, we'll explain the situation to you."

"Yes, of course officer. I'll be there as soon as I can. Thank you."

Matiu and Luke were standing in the doorway of the kitchen looking at me with mouths agape when I turned around.

"Who's been arrested? Is it Dan and Tane?" Matiu asked.

"Yes both of them. I need to get to the police station to find out what's happened. Did either of you know that they'd gone to a party tonight?" My eyes narrowed at them.

"A party? No, course not," said Luke. Matiu stayed quiet and I could tell he knew more than he was letting on.

"I need to get them from the police station, if they'll let them go. I'll take Kat and Niko with me but I'll need to trust you both to look after Maia and Amy for a while." Both Luke and Matiu looked at me wide-eyed as they realised how serious this was.

"We'll be fine and we have your number if we need anything," said Luke. He nudged Matiu who was still looking a shell-shocked and a little guilty. "Sure Hannah," said Matiu. "We'll be fine."

Mika's phone went straight to voicemail so I left a message. Kat and Niko were not impressed at being woken up at 12.30am. They put on their coats grumpily and dozed off again in the back of the car. My mind was racing all the way to the police station and I wondered if I needed to call a solicitor.

PC Murray came out to the reception after I gave an officer behind the counter my details. "They were at an illegal rave just outside of town. We got a call from some concerned neighbours who had seen an unusual amount of traffic in the area. Not only were they trespassing on that land but there was a report of an assault at the rave."

"What kind of assault?"

"From what we can gather, it was some sort of fight over a girl. Both Daniel and Tane have been accused of beating up a young male who was the girl's boyfriend. The investigation is still ongoing."

"I can't believe this. They wouldn't be stupid enough to fight over a girl. There must be more to it," I answered.

"Well they're not telling us anything at the moment. Is Mr Cooper on his way?"

"I've left him a message so I'm sure he'll be here soon."

"I can let you see Daniel but as you're not Tane's guardian I'll have to wait for Mr Cooper."

"Surely you can at least let me reassure him and tell him that I've contacted his dad. That wouldn't interfere with any investigation. We live together, it's not like I'm a stranger. He's just a kid and he'll be feeling pretty scared right now."

PC Murray blew out a breath and said, "Fine. Look whatever you can do to get them to tell us what really happened will make everyone's lives a lot easier here."

"I'll speak to them." I left Kat and Nico with one of the officers while I went into the cell area. PC Murray opened the cell door and Daniel looked miserable. His head was in his hands as he sat on the metal bed, which was the only furnishing in the tiny cell. When he peered up at me with sorrowful eyes he looked like a lost little boy. Though he acted like a tough man, he was still just a teenager.

"I wish dad was here," he said, his voice almost breaking. My heart broke for him at losing his dad at such an important age and it wasn't fair that as the eldest he felt he had to be the man in our family. I knew I was no substitute for his father but it was up to me to take charge at that moment.

"You told me you were going to your friend's Daniel. I can't believe you lied to me. You went to an illegal rave?" I kept my voice calm, even though I wanted to shake some sense into him. He had the decency to look ashamed for his lie then lowered his head into his hands.

"It wasn't planned honestly then I heard this girl I know at school, Kayleigh, was going to be there." He was speaking down to the floor and I could only just about hear him. "I didn't think it was safe for her so we followed everyone up there. It wasn't supposed to kick off the way it did. I just meant to get her out of there."

I sat down next to him, perched on the edge of the bed and put my hand on his shoulder. "So what happened when you got there?"

He took a shuddering breath. "I saw her boyfriend Alex slam her back against the wall and put his arm across her neck. He was choking her. I pulled him off her but he tried to grab her again and took a swing at me. We ended up in a fight."

"So why was it that you and Tane were arrested for assault?"

"Because Alex is a spoilt little dick. He lost the fight and must've gone crying to his mum with his busted lip." My eyes widened at his language but I let it go. Daniel looked up at me. "Tane just pulled me off him and tried to split up the fight. He had nothing to do with this. He didn't even want to go to the party in the first place. It's all my fault. I couldn't let Alex hurt her Hannah. I'm glad I was there or God knows what he would've done to her." His voice broke again as he held back tears.

"You really care about this girl Kayleigh?" He looked away but nodded.

"Is this the full story? Are you telling me everything?"

"Yes. I swear. That's what happened."

"I need to explain it to the police."

"You're not mad? I thought you'd have strung me up by the balls. Dad would've gone mad." I rolled my eyes at his choice of language again and sighed.

"Of course I'm mad at you. I'm really angry that you lied and don't doubt there will be punishment. I can also understand why you did it but you can't just beat people up even if it feels like they deserve it. Once Kayleigh was safe, you should have called the police. It's not just you Daniel but Tane too. You know he'd do anything for you and you can't put him in that situation again." He furrowed his brow and gave a brief nod that he'd understood.

I told the police officer what Daniel had told me and tried to call Mika again but there was still no answer. The officer let me into a call further down the corridor to speak to Tane who corroborated what Daniel had said.

"Why isn't dad here?" Tane asked annoyed. He was panicking and needed his father.

"His phone's going to voicemail but I've left him a message. He'll be here soon."

"He's too busy on his date out with that woman," Tane said bitterly.

"Come on Tane, he never goes out. That's not fair." As much as I was harbouring some self-pity about the date, Tane had no right to judge his father.

"He's going to kill me," Tane mumbled.

"Yes he's definitely not going to be happy." I knew Mika would impose a hefty punishment.

"Why have my boys been arrested?" I heard Mika's booming voice before I saw him. Tane eyes widened he shrank a little.

PC Murray attempted to explain the situation then added, "If you'll follow me Mr Cooper, I'll take you to see Tane. Ms Lomax is with him now."

Mika's distinctive footsteps could be heard stomping along the corridor and when he reached the cell door, he looked he wanted to spit fire. At that moment the target was me. "What happened? Did you know about this rave?"

"Of course I didn't know. They were supposed to be at a friend's house."

PC Murray stood between us almost shielding me but Mika moved past him into the cell.

"I go out for one night and this happens," he said in a low seething voice. "They would never have done this before. You're too soft. You know Daniel needs structure and Tane will follow him anywhere."

"Wait are you blaming me?" His body was tense, trying to hold his temper in but he just looked at me accusingly and his silence said it all. "You seriously can't blame me for this."

Mika took in my hair and clothes then narrowed his eyes before adding in a sardonic voice, "So what exactly were you doing tonight while you were supposed to be looking out for the kids? Doing your hair?"

My mouth was open in shock and his scrutinising eyes made me feel embarrassed. Self-consciously I stroked my hand down my hair.

"How long have they been here and why did you only just message me? I asked you to call me right away if anything happened."

"I called you as soon as I knew but I couldn't get through. It went straight to voicemail. I've been trying you for over an hour."

He looked like he didn't believe me then PC Murray stood between us again and jumped to my aid. Folding his arms, he said, "She's right, I tried to call you myself and couldn't get through. That's why I allowed Ms Lomax to speak to Tane as we didn't know when we'd be able to get through to you."

Mika bit his cheek to avoid saying anything that might upset a police officer. He knew when to keep his mouth shut. He turned his attention to Tane who was sitting on the bed looking guilty. "You realise this could cost you your rugby career."

"Dad we were just trying to help."

"It doesn't matter. You went to an illegal rave, which dangerous in itself and then on top of that got arrested for assault. How could you be so irresponsible? Do you think any team is going to want that sort of player on their squad?"

"No," Tane admitted in defeat.

"You'd better hope there are no charges. Get used to looking at four walls because when you're not in school or training you'll be at home. You're both grounded. You step one foot out of line and you're off the rugby team. I mean it Tane."

Take just nodded in response but looked like he wanted to cry.

It would have been nice if Mika had discussed the punishment with me first but him taking over was just typical. Daniel was given the same warning but while Mika delivered the verbal thrashing, I noticed there was almost a look of pride that he tried to cover up with annoyance. Deep down I think Mika knew there were admirable reasons for Daniel's actions. The boys both looked fearful and ashamed while we went to reception to wait for the police to decide whether to press charges. The hard, plastic chairs in the reception area were uncomfortable and after an hour I could no longer feel my backside. I also had a sleeping Kat on my knee so my legs were also numb. Mika must have been even more uncomfortable with his big form squeezed into one of the small chairs although Niko looked comfortable asleep on his chest. We were the only ones in reception. It was evidently a quiet town as back in my home city the reception would have been packed in the early hours of a Saturday morning. Mika had been silent for over an hour, stewing over what had happened.

"I'm sorry I blamed you," Mika said suddenly. It was a shock to hear him speaking to me and admitting he was at fault. "I know you tried to leave me a lot of messages. They only came through before. I was just angry at how stupid the boys have been and I vented. I shouldn't have taken it out on you." He glanced at me with his hazel eyes, looking a little uncomfortable at having to apologise.

"It's fine," I said on a sigh. "I know you were worried about the boys. I'm worried about them too."

He continued to look at me and I felt my cheeks flush. His eyes roamed over my face and my hair then softened a little, "You look different with your hair down. I didn't realise it was so long." It was as though he was saying that last part more to himself.

"I usually tie it up because it's easier. I should probably just cut it."

"Don't cut it. It looks good." His eyes followed the trail of my hair down to where is hung past my ribs. "It's like gold," he murmured to himself. He mustn't have intended to say that out loud because he let out a cough and suddenly straightened.

My face was hot and I was a little confused at what felt like a compliment. They weren't something I was used to and made me a little nervous. Before I could respond, his phone beeped. He checked the message and looked a slightly guilty.

"It everything okay?" I asked.

"Fine. It was just Carla checking how everything's going." My heart that had felt huge a moment ago suddenly shrunk with disappointment. It was stupid of me to forget he'd just been on a date. My voice croaked a little. "Oh that's nice of her. How was your date?"

"It was good, well great actually," he said, a little unsure of himself. "She's really talented and passionate about her work. I know she's beautiful but it's like she doesn't even know it." That last sentence made him smile and I wanted to smack the look off his face. My violent thoughts shocked me but I forced myself to remain calm. Why did I feel like I wanted to cry all of a sudden? I couldn't even escape as I had a child sleeping on my lap.

"Are you feeling alright?" he asked looking concerned. It was the first time he'd ever acted like he noticed my feelings. I almost wanted him to start being horrible to me again so I could just despise him and not be so jealous.

I stuttered breath and answered, "Yes, I'm fine just a little tired that's all. I'm really glad your date worked out. Carla seems really nice."

He looked at me with a question in his eyes for a moment and then shook his head. "Yeah she is."

"So when's the next date?"

"We said we'd call each other to arrange something. I don't want to rush anything, with the kids and everything."

"I'm sure she'll understand that."

"Yeah. She seemed to like you." Suddenly his smile dropped and his mouth was pressed together.

"What is it?"

"I meant what I said the other week when I asked you to stay away from the construction team Hannah."

Rolling my eyes, I said, "I haven't been doing that much. They're all really great and it's not like I have a lot of friends around here."

"So your friends with them now?" he asked and gave an annoyed laugh.

"I'd like to think so and I don't see what the issue is. They won't let me do anything that would damage the house."

"It's not just the house. It's just not appropriate and you don't know those guys that well."

"I've gotten to know some of them quite well and they're nice Mika."

"That's the point Hannah," he said exasperated. "I don't want you getting to know our construction workers."

"Don't be a snob," I said shocked.

"No, I'm not a snob. It's just not appropriate that's all and I don't want you dating anyone who I'm employing. Look, I don't want to talk about this now but I don't like it."

"I'm not dating anyone. We're all just friends." Where had he got that idea? He was blowing this out of proportion.

"That's where it starts. I'm ending it before it begins. I mean it Hannah."

"Technically you employed Carla to work on the project too."

He tensed and was silent for a moment then in a low voice said, "That's different. We were already friends. I've known Carla a long time."

"Well I'm not dating anyone. So there's no need to discuss it." I was getting embarrassed by how little there actually was to discuss about my love life.

His jaw was set and he looked annoyed as he stared ahead and then he shot out, "Good, let's keep it that way."

His response tipped me over the edge. I was not one of the children he could boss about. "Don't think you can tell me who I can date Mika because you can't." I whispered angrily.

His hands twitched in frustration and I could tell he was struggling to keep control. "I'm not talking about this here." Too tired to argue with him, I let it go. PC Murray walked into the reception area and we both sat straighter in our chairs, eager to hear if there was any news.

"Our officers have been out to speak to the boy who made the allegation."

"Who was it?" Mika asked. "Is he okay?"

"It was someone from their school, a Mr Alex Lewis. You probably know him with you being a teacher at the school?"

"Anna Lewis's son?" Mika asked.

"Yes. You do know him?" PC Murray asked.

"Yeah, I know him. He's on my rugby team. Great, this just keeps getting better," he said sarcastically. "Is he hurt? Are the family pressing charges?"

"He's looking a little worse for wear but luckily for the boys the family don't want to press charges."

"Thank God for that," I said. Mika let out a breath like a weight had been lifted from his broad shoulders.

PC Murray continued, "Without the girlfriend's willingness to come forward, there's not much we can do about the allegations against Mr Lewis. I won't be charging your boys but they will get a warning so keep them away from Mr Lewis. They were very lucky this time. If it happens again, they'll be up in court."

"Thank you," said Mika who looked relieved. "Don't worry there won't be a repeat of this. They won't have the energy or time believe me."

"Thank you so much officer," I added.

He gave me a friendly smile. "No problem Ms Lomax."

"Oh and thank you again for letting me see them tonight."

"You're welcome. Let's hope we don't see them here again," he and gave me a slight smile. "Don't hesitate to get in contact if you need anything. I know you're new around here."

Mika rolled his eyes this time and in a tight voice said, "She'll be fine but thank you officer." He seemed annoyed with me again all the way home. It was difficult keeping up with his moods. The boys were quiet, looking pale and tired. They'd been through a lot and no doubt Mika had a lot more in store for them.

## **Chapter 8**

The next morning when I went down to the kitchen, Daniel and Tane were coming in through the patio doors. Mika must have gotten them up really early. He turned away from the pan of eggs he was making to scrutinise them.

"How much did you get done?" he asked grumpily.

"About half of the back garden is clear," said Daniel politely with his head slightly lowered. Tane was quiet for a change and looked tired like he hadn't had much sleep.

"What's going on?" I asked.

"The boys are clearing the backyard to make room for the next bit of the construction. It's part of their punishment," said Mika in a stern voice. Both boys sat down and tucked into their breakfast quietly but ravenously.

"Don't think that's where you both get off. You already know you're both grounded for the foreseeable future until you both start acting your age. Oh and you're both out of the next game."

"Dad, you can't do that please. It's an important match," Tane shouted, shocked.

"You're both out. I'm the coach and my decision is final. What happens the game after will depend on your behaviour. I expect you up at 5.30am every morning to clear the back yard. When that's clear we'll move on to the rest of the house until I feel you've been punished enough. Don't expect any free time. I own your time."

I stood with my arms crossed and looked at Mika. I was annoyed that he hadn't consulted me about the punishment. "Mika, could I have a word with you for a second?"

He followed me out of the kitchen and into the living room, where I closed the door. "I realise they need to be punished but I'd hoped we'd discuss it."

"What's there to discuss? I'm Tane's dad so I know how to discipline him and seeing as they were both involved, they should both get the same punishment. I don't see what the problem is."

"The problem is you never asked me. I'm Daniel's guardian. We should've spoken to them together. I found out after the boys and that's really not fair. I've got to be involved in any decision about the children I'm responsible for."

He folded his arms and looked down at me, making me feel like I was one of the students. "I really don't think they care who gave them their punishment. They're more bothered about the fact that they're not playing next match and they have no freedom for the next year."

"The next year? You can't be serious."

"I am. This is a critical time for both of them and they need to concentrate. If that means they need to be grounded for the next year, well maybe until they're eighteen, so be it."

"I understand what they did was bad but they had their reasons." He was about to interrupt and I held my hands up, "Look, I'm not condoning violence but they were doing it to defend that girl and I'd hope any teenage boy would do that."

In a patronising tone he said, "This is why you're not capable of handling this. You're too soft and that'll do Daniel harm in the end. They're almost men and need to start deciding how they want to be as adults. If they think this is how to solve issues, they could end up in prison, or at the least ruin their careers. They need structure and discipline, something you can't give the kids but I can."

I felt like being violent myself right then and throwing something at him but I stayed calm. "How about we at least look at their punishment again in a few weeks? They'll have learned their lesson from being taken out of the match and from having no life for two weeks except getting up at the crack of dawn. They were both terrified last night and I think they realised what they could lose. Trying to keep them in for a whole year is only going to create unnecessary stress. It'll be like housing two caged tigers."

It was clear Mika wasn't happy about having to make joint decisions but I wanted to take my responsibility seriously. I folded my arms and stared back at him stubbornly. Glowering as he towered over me Mika narrowed his eyes in annoyance then barked, "Fine. We'll see what happens in a few weeks. Happy now?" He stormed past me and I knew I was dismissed. At least I'd made him listen, which was a huge achievement. I tried not to look smug as I went back into the kitchen for breakfast. Mika was brooding while slamming the breakfast dishes but completely ignored me.

Matiu sauntered into the room and piled eggs on to his plate. He looked at the boys and could barely hide back his smile, at their suffering. "So I heard you battered Alex last night," he said to Daniel.

"Shut up Mat," said Tane. "I don't think we should be the only ones punished for last night. I mean it's not like you knew anything about us going out, did you?" he whispered so Mika couldn't hear. It didn't matter to them that I could hear. They treated me like I was invisible sometimes.

Matiu narrowed his eyes but kept his mouth shut and opted to change the subject. With a mischievous glint in his eye he asked, "So how was the date last night dad? You must have been busy. Hannah was trying to get a hold of you for ages." He waggled his eyebrows at his dad who was not impressed. Mika put a plate of bacon down on the table and stared at Matiu. "I'm sorry, are we buddies? Last I checked you were my son. Mind your own business and stop being crude."

"I wasn't being crude I was just saying you must have been busy. I mean, do you like her? Are you going to see her again? Carla looked pretty hot in that dress."

"Where did I even get you from? You just don't give up do you?" said Mika incredulously. I wanted to say something along the lines of the apple not falling far from the tree but decided to keep quiet. "In answer to your question, yes we had a very nice night and yes I think we'll be seeing each other again."

Mika looked at me with a touch of guilt, which was then replaced with a scowl. His words hurt but I expected him and Carla to go on a second date. Why wouldn't he? Carla was perfect. "That's the end of it. No more questions unless you want to spend every morning getting up with your brothers to clean the garden." Matiu raised his eyebrows but wisely opted not to say another word. I tried to hide my disappointment about Mika and Carla. What I needed to do was to get a life that did not just revolve around Mika. That was difficult to do with four kids to look after and four others to also consider but I knew I had to take some time out for myself.

I spent a lot of time keeping out of Mika's way for the rest of the week. My mornings were filled with the building work on the house because I refused to let him stop me from getting involved. In the afternoons I'd visit my favourite coffee shop in town to get some work done. After doing homework with Kat and Niko or any of the kids who needed help, I would sit with everyone for dinner. When I wasn't reading or hanging out with the kids, I'd go up to my room to finish my writing assignments. I was avoiding Mika and although it was a step backwards in our friendship if could even be called that, it made life a lot easier. He was training the team for the big game that Daniel and Tane were missing out on, so he didn't seem to notice that I was keeping out of his way.

"I want you all to come to the game," Mika announced at dinner one evening.

Maia rolled her eyes. "No dad. I hate rugby."

"I want us all there as a family," he said in a tone that gave no room for argument.

"I want to go," shouted an overexcited Kat.

"Me too," said Niko.

"Well we can't go because we're banned," said Tane miserably.

"You're still coming. You can still support your team."

"But Coach we can't just sit and watch without playing. That's embarrassing," said Daniel.

"Good. It'll teach you not to use your fists before your brain."

"I don't think I've ever been to a rugby match," I said.

"What never? Were you more of a football girl?" Mika asked.

"Well my ex-boyfriend was a big football fan and he brought me along but I wouldn't say I was really a fan."

The room went quiet. "Huh," Mika grunted. His hazel eyes narrowed slightly and his body tensed. His intense focus made me blush. I knew he didn't like me talking about dating in case it made the kids uncomfortable. Not able to look him in the eye, I trained my eyes on his broad shoulders. His huge arms were covered in tattoos and he'd pulled his hair into a man bun while he'd been cooking. I shook my head to push away thoughts of how his glorious hair would feel in my hands.

"It's actually quite fun," Amy said, snapping me out of my fantasy.

"You're just saying that because you like to ogle all the players. Who are too old for you by the way," said Luke.

"I do not," said Amy, blushing profusely.

"Carla will be coming along too, so I want you all to be nice. Okay?" Mika eyed everyone and eventually they all nodded in agreement. Once again, I avoided Mika's gaze, in case he saw my hurt and foolish jealousy. It also dawned on me how lonely I was. Of course I had the kids but sometimes I did wish I had some time to myself to go out of an evening or to make friends.

"You're coming right?" Mika asked me tentatively.

"Of course. I'll get to see what all the fuss is about," I joked and he seemed relieved. I knew being around him and Carla was going to be torture for me but I was quickly learning that having a big family meant lots of sacrifices.

****

Dressed in team colours on the big day, you wouldn't know I'd never been to a rugby match before. Wearing the team's purple and black top with my face painted to match you would think I was a lifelong fan. Amy had instigated it. Apparently, this was a family tradition whenever Josh had taken them to watch Daniel play.

The surprise on Mika's face was worth the effort when we arrived at the edge of the pitch and he saw Kat, Amy, Maia and I were all dressed in the team colours. His initial startled expression turned to delight.

"What's all this?" he asked smiling.

"I think you could call us the team's biggest fans," I said laughing. Admittedly we looked a bit ridiculous but there were some other fans with painted faces too. Daniel and Tane of course had their team sweatshirts on but were miserable at being banned from the match, while Matiu, Luke and Niko told us repeatedly how much we were embarrassing them by dressing up.

"You all look fantastic. The team will be pleased with our official mascots tonight. We need all the luck we can get." Mika looked at me affectionately. It made me feel warm and I couldn't help but smile.

"You'll be fine. From what I've heard, you're a great coach. Have faith," I said.

"So you do know this is going to be the prerequisite for every game that all my girls dress in team colours," he announced with a wide smile. I realised I would probably do just about anything to make him smile like that and it didn't escape me that he'd referred to me as one of his girls. "Thank you for doing this," he said to me.

"Well actually Amy talked us into it. I can't take all the credit."

"Yeah she is very keen on the team," he said with a throaty laugh. We were all standing by the stands when Carla walked over.

"Hey everyone," she said with a beaming smile. She looked even better in jeans and a loose jumper than she did in a dress. "Wow, you all look amazing. I wish I'd known. I'd have worn some purple too."

"You look fine just as you are," Mika said smiling down at her. Matiu made a gagging sound. I felt a little crushed at Mika's attention on Carla but then mentally gave myself a kick up the backside for acting a jealous teenager. I was the woman who looked after his best friend's kids. We weren't close friends and especially not anything more than that. Not that I wanted us to be anything more.

"Our seats are up here," Amy said to me. "Hurry, it'll be starting soon and I don't want anyone to steal our seats."

She really was a fan. I needed to keep an eye on her and make sure it was just the game she was interested in. Turning to follow her, I pulled Kat and Niko along with me. I couldn't watch the blossoming romance between Mika and Carla.

"Hey Hannah," Mika said, only just noticing that we were walking away. "Carla and I are going out for food after the match so she can get to know the family. I was hoping you and the kids would come too."

I could feel tears brimming at the back of my eyes and wanted to say no but as I looked around at Kat, Amy, Luke and Daniel they were all nodding to say they wanted to go so I had no choice but to agree. "Yeah sure, that sounds great." I tried for bright and breezy but sounded a little strangled.

Mika looked puzzled but Carla chimed in cheerfully and said, "Great. That's wonderful. We can all get to know one another and I have a good feeling about this match too." She winked at Mika.

"Thanks, I'll see you all after the game," he said to Carla with a tight smile then glanced at me. His eyes quickly travelled the length of me from the ridiculous purple ribbons in my blonde hair, to the long-sleeved team shirt that was a little tight around the chest. If it was someone else, I would've thought they were checking me out but it was him so I knew he must've been looking for some fault. Realising he'd been caught staring, the air thickened with tension. He scowled and quickly walked away. "Later!" he shouted to both Carla and I.

The kids had already started walking towards the stand. Carla looked at me with a puzzled expression on her face and glanced towards where Mika had marched off then back trying to work something out. I hoped she couldn't tell I had feelings for him. If anyone found out how much I cared about him, it would ruin everything for us all.

"He's a great guy isn't he?" she asked.

"Yes of course, he's a brilliant father and a good coach by all accounts," I said forcing a smile.

"Not to mention extremely sexy," she giggled and looked at me to see my expression.

I blushed and answered, "I hadn't really noticed. We tend to spend most of our time arguing." Only half of that statement was a lie and I hoped she believed me.

"You hadn't noticed? Really?" Her eyebrows lifted in disbelief.

"Unfortunately when you have four kids to look after there isn't a lot of time to notice." Though in reality it was like his face was engraved on the insides of my eyelids, I couldn't afford for her to know I had a weird unrequited crush on him. To distract her I commented, "You both look really good together." It was the truth and she smiled.

"Thank you. I really like him. I know you two are friends but I don't want to get in the middle of anything."

"You're not getting in the middle of anything. Mika's just helping us out because we had to give up our house."

"I think it's a little more than that. I know you're all very important to him."

"Well the kids are but he and I don't really know each other all that well. I was part of the package deal." It was sad but it was the truth.

"That's really what you think?" she asked kindly, shaking her head as we made our way to the stands to our seats.

"It's what I know. I think he's coming around to the fact that I'm their guardian though. It's only been three months but sometimes it feels like I've known the kids and Mika a lot longer. I don't even know how I filled my days before."

"I can see how living with that many people could take over," she laughed. "Seriously though from where I'm standing, I know you mean a lot to them all. I kept asking Mika if you two were just friends because I'm not the sort to go for another woman's man but he assured me you were both just friends. I know he has a lot of baggage from his last relationship and she hurt him bad."

Mika telling Carla we were both just friends left a pang in my chest but at least I knew where I stood. "He's hardly mentioned it to me. Mind you, sometimes were like ships in the night, so we don't get much time to talk. I get the impression trusting another woman was an issue for him so you must be doing something right." I smiled reassuringly.

Carla smiled back at me and said, "Thanks Hannah. I really hope so."

The rugby match was more brutal than I'd expected but quite exciting. Despite Daniel and Tane's absence, the team won. When the final whistle blew, we were the loudest fans in the stand. Even Daniel and Tane couldn't help but cheer for their team. Mika ran from the side lines over to his team hugged each of them, slapping them on the back in congratulations. Our ruckus caught his attention and as he looked at us, he had the biggest smile on his face. That was more than I could have hoped for when we first met. At least he didn't hate me anymore. If I could ignore the pain in my chest maybe I could learn to be friends with Carla.

Somehow, we managed to find a table at the local restaurant that would fit us all. A few of the teammates joined us so the group was quite large. Mika and Carla sat at one end while I sat at the other end to keep an eye on the kids. It had nothing to do with me not wanting to watch them falling for each other. In between his excited conversations with Carla and the team, he would occasionally glance up at me with a smile. I was currently getting the lowdown from Niko about a boy in school who had dared another boy to head butt Niko's friend.

"I wanted to hit him back but I didn't want dad to ground me like Tane so I told the teacher."

"That's very mature of you Niko, well done. That's exactly what you should do."

"It was wrong that he hit my friend like that."

"Well, did they get punished?"

"The teacher is making him stay in at playtime for the whole week and she called his mum."

"You see, they've been punished and I bet his mum's not very happy with him."

"I suppose," he murmured but didn't look convinced.

"You can't stoop to their level Niko. You're better than that. You don't need to use your fists because you're smart," I told him, touching his head for emphasis.

"Do you think so?"

I know so. I'm proud of you for how you handled that. It's much braver to do that than to lose control." He smiled blushing.

As I glanced around, I saw Mika watching our interaction. He gave me a slight smile and turned his head to speak to Carla again.

"Hey Hannah, how's it going?" said a man's voice from behind me. It was Connor, one of the construction workers from the site. He was very attractive with mischievous blue eyes and could sometimes be a little flirty but I usually kept him in check. Connor smiled as he took in my ribbons.

"Hi Connor. Great thanks. Who are you here with?"

"I'm just here with my brother." I looked to where he pointed and his brother waved as though he knew me, which was weird as we'd never met.

"Nice pigtails. I'm guessing there was a match today, or is this usual for a Saturday evening?"

"You mean not everyone dresses like this on a Saturday night around here?" I asked, joking.

"My brother's been known to paint his face. Not enough hair for pigtails though," he said in his dry sense of humour. We both looked over at his brother who had cropped hair and was very muscular. The thought of him in pigtails made me giggle. He gave us a masculine salute and we both burst out laughing.

"What's so funny?" Mika's voice boomed across the table. His face looked perturbed. Maybe he thought we were making fun of him or something.

"Connor was just laughing at my ribbons," I said to explain.

Connor held up his hands. "Hey, I wasn't laughing at them. They're cute." My face went red at the compliment and my hand went to the ribbons. His blue eyes were glittering and he ran his hand through his black hair smiling sheepishly.

"She was supporting my team," said Mika loudly and a bit possessively.

"Yeah, I guessed that," said Connor laughing. "I think this would be a good look on the building site too." He winked at me and my face was burning with embarrassment.

"Is there something you want Connor? We're having a family meal here," barked Mika rudely slamming his fork down on his plate. Carla put her hand on his arm to calm him down and whispered something to him. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath. I was appalled at how Mika spoke to Connor.

"Sorry Mika, I didn't mean to interrupt." Connor said holding his hands up but still smiling at me cheekily. "I just wanted to speak to Hannah about something."

"Oh yeah? What's up?" I asked.

"My friend's opening a restaurant in town next Saturday and I wondered if you'd like to come with me as my date for the night?" He had some guts to ask me in front of the whole family and I really admired that. I could feel everyone at the table staring at me and I didn't want to embarrass him by declining his offer but I wasn't sure it was such a good idea for me to start dating.

"I don't think I can get a babysitter at that short notice," I answered apologetically.

"Sure you can. Mika and I will babysit," Carla announced from the other end of the table with a big helpful smile. "After all, you babysat when we went out so it's only fair." Mika's jaw dropped and then his mouth closed in a grim line.

"See, you have a babysitter," said Connor. "No excuses." He knew I was shy and I'd been passing off his flirting over the past few weeks as him just being friendly but I should have realised it was more.

"Well, okay then. Yeah, that sounds good," I said a little unsure.

"Great, we'll talk about it during the week. I'm really looking forward to it." His smile was huge as he left the table. My face was still on fire as I turned to look at everyone. Kat and Niko were giggling. Amy and Maia seemed happy for me. Daniel, Tane and Luke had a look of horror on their faces, as if the thought of me dating made them queasy. Matiu raised his eyebrows like he was about to say something smart but one glance at Mika's stormy expression and he kept his mouth shut. Mika was shooting daggers from his eyes and they were aimed at me. I knew I'd feel his wrath from accepting the date but he was being unreasonable and after all, if he could date without it affecting the kids then surely I could. I ignored his expression and looked at Carla who was smiling at me with sympathy, showing silent support.

Mika suddenly stood up and said, "I think if everyone's finished. We should get going. I'm sure everyone is tired after the match today."

Carla left in her car while Mika and I took the kids home in each of ours. I dreaded coming face to face with him back at the house. As I pulled up into the driveway, Mika's car was already there. I walked into the kitchen and Mika was there alone. He was facing the sink, drinking a glass of water. It was either face him now or creep to my room before he noticed me and deal with it later. I decided I may as well deal with it now. I coughed to catch his attention and he put the glass of water down. When he turned to me his face was like storm. He stared at me as though waiting for an explanation, which I didn't feel I owed him, so I stared back, folding my arms.

"What was that all about?" he finally asked.

"All what?" I asked.

"Are we really going to play this game? I thought we were clear about the whole not dating the builders. What's going on?" he asked.

"I had no idea he was going to ask me out. I couldn't say 'no' in front of everyone," I said.

"So you don't really want to go? You don't like him?" He looked almost hopeful, which was ridiculous.

"He's a nice guy. It's just a date," I answered dismissively.

"A date, which turns into a relationship. You've only just started looking after four kids. Do you really think you have time to start something like this?"

"I'm not starting anything. We're not getting married Mika. It is just a date."

"So what then? This is going to be something casual? Is that it?" He was getting madder by the second and it was making me angry.

"It's none of your business. I'll go out with whoever I want."

"Oh really? This is my house and I don't want that behaviour around my kids."

"What behaviour? Going on a date? It's hardly a dark and dangerous path Mika. You're blowing this out of proportion."

"Cancel it. I want you to cancel the date." He stepped in front of me.

"No. I won't. Stop trying to tell me what to do." I refused to step back. We were now almost toe to toe. The tension was thick. Mika did not like people arguing with him. He was staring down at me and I could tell he was close to breaking point.

"Don't force my hand on this," he warned, breathing heavily. "Cancel it." He was so close I could feel his breath on my face and the heat emanating from his body.

"No. I won't," I answered stubbornly, more determined than ever to go on the date.

"We'll see about that." He stalked away and I was left standing there with a sinking feeling. What was his problem? It was just a date. If he could go out on a date then so could I. He was being a complete hypocrite and I was determined not to be pushed around.

## **Chapter 9**

Since our talk two days previously, Mika had been giving me the silent treatment yet again. It was like I didn't even exist. Living with him was a real rollercoaster. Just when it seemed we could become friends something would happen and we were back to being total strangers again. Then this morning Dave told me Mika had asked them all to work on Saturday night, saying that he wanted to bring the deadline forward for the house completion. I knew it was his attempt to stop my date. It was annoying he would stoop so low. Dave told Mika it was impossible to get everyone to cancel their Saturday night plans at such short notice but that he would try for the week after. Rather than play into Mika's hands I pretended I didn't know what he was up to. I knew he'd try something else so I wasn't surprised when Niko and Kat came up to me after school and asked if I could take them to the cinema on Saturday evening as there was a film they both really wanted to see.

"So, who told you about this film?" I asked.

"Dad," Niko said as he was finishing his homework on the dining room table.

"Oh he did huh?"

"Yeah, he said everybody would be seeing it and that you would take us if we asked nicely. He said you would get us popcorn. Can we go. Please?" His begging face was cute and I was angry at Mika for putting me in this position.

"Yeah Hannah, can we go? Please?" Kat asked. Her begging face was even cuter and Mika knew it would be impossible for me to say no to her.

Feeling really guilty, I didn't want to let them down however I did not want Mika to get away with trying to emotionally blackmail me.

"How about we go on Sunday instead? We can even go for a pizza first," I offered.

"Really? I love pizza," Niko said.

"I know you do."

"Can we have ice cream too?" Kat asked, excited.

"If you have room in your belly you can have ice-cream too," I answered laughing.

"Yeah!" Kat exclaimed.

"So that's settled. On Sunday we'll go for pizza and ice cream, then we'll watch the film. Does that sound good?" I asked and they both nodded.

At dinner that evening Mika was looking smug and I wanted to throw my pasta at him. His smile lasted up to the point when Niko told him about our plans for Sunday. Mika narrowed his eyes at me and his jaw jutted in annoyance when I smiled sweetly at him. He could try all he wanted but he wouldn't stop me going on this date. The next morning he threw another curve ball at me during breakfast.

"Oh by the way, Carla and I can't babysit on Saturday night. There's a design event she has to go to and can't get out of it."

"What? That's not fair Mika. You know I'm going out on Saturday night."

"I'm sorry but you'll have to cancel."

"Why should I? I had my plans first and you know it. Carla even said she would help babysit."

"You're only going into town. Carla's event was last minute but it's really important to her career. It will give her a chance to meet up with potential clients and other designers."

"So why do you have to go?"

"It's out of town and she doesn't want to go alone. Would you really want me to tell her to go to an event like that on her own?"

I thought about how nice Carla was and how this could help with her career. Also, my kids weren't her responsibility so of course she should be free to go. It upset me that I'd have to cancel my plans with Connor, not just because I hadn't wanted Mika to win this little game of his but also because I was really looking forward to an evening out. I'd even bought a dress and new shoes for the first time in over a year. However, this was the life I signed up for. I was only just over three months into this commitment so I could hardly complain. I supposed Mika had been doing this for years so he deserved this time with Carla.

"Fine. I guess I'd better take my dress back then," I sighed disappointed.

"You bought a dress just to go out with Connor?" Mika was annoyed.

"Yes. I haven't been out in well over a year so I needed something to wear." He at least looked a little guilty but didn't offer to cancel his plans.

"Keep the dress. You never know when you might want to wear it another time."

"Yeah like that's going to happen." I murmured, walking away. I knew it was unlikely Connor would ask me out again after cancelling. He'd think I was messing him about. It was already a shock he'd taken an interest in someone with so much baggage plus Mika would obviously try to ruin any future dates. Was this the price I'd have to pay for living under his roof?

Connor was disappointed when I broke the news to him the next day. He was suspicious of the sudden event Mika and Carla had to go to, just like I was but he knew my limited situation. Maybe it was for the best, after all it was a lot for any man to get involved with. Later in the afternoon however, he caught up with me as I was working on my laptop in a coffee shop in town.

"I knew you'd be here," he said smiling.

"Are you stalking me?" I asked smiling back.

"Mind if I join you?"

"Sure, take a seat."

He ordered a cappuccino and sat opposite me. "So this is where you get your work done?"

"Yeah I just like to be surrounded by people when I write for some reason. I like seeing the life happening around me." It probably sounded a bit strange to Connor.

He smiled. "You're a bit deep, aren't you?"

I felt embarrassed and tried to back track. "Not really. It's just that the noise helps me to concentrate." That was part of it but I really did like to gaze around and wonder about the customers and their lives as I was writing.

"So I was speaking to Carla today. She came in to our office in town to see her uncle and I mentioned about the event on Saturday."

"Oh really?"

"Yes, she said it wasn't that big a deal and that she hadn't really wanted to go. I got the impression Mika had talked her into it. I think he also gave her the impression that our date on Saturday had been cancelled for some reason."

"What? I can't believe this. He said it was really important for her to go."

"Look, is there something going on between you two? I mean he seems to have gone out of his way to stop our date."

"No. Of course there isn't. He's seeing Carla. He probably thinks I'm going to be distracted from looking after the kids. I think he feels I'll be disrupting their lives or something."

"That's stupid. You're great with them. Plus, from what I've seen you never go anywhere or do anything for yourself."

"Well that's not what Mika thinks. I'm a big disappointment."

Connor shook his head. "I told Carla that we'd still been planning on going out on Saturday until Mika mentioned the event. She felt really bad about it and said she didn't even want to go to the gala. Anyway, she said they'd babysit if you still want to go on our date. So, what do you think? Do you still want to go?" He looked at me hopefully.

"Yes, of course I do. That's great. Only if she's really sure about it." Luckily, I hadn't taken my dress back yet.

He smiled at me again. "Honestly she wasn't even interested in going to the gala so don't feel guilty."

"Well, I guess we're still on for Saturday then."

"Great. I'll pick you up at your house at half past seven. I have to get back to work but I'll text you before Saturday."

"Looking forward to it." I said and Connor's eyes roamed my face for a second smiling before he got up.

"See you Saturday," he said looking happy. Hopefully he wouldn't be disappointed. I was a bit rusty when it came to dating.

****

The girls were excited for me as I got ready on Saturday and were even trying to give me makeup tips. Amy and Kat were sitting on my single bed while Maia insisted on applying smoky eyeshadow, which she said would make my grey eyes look smouldering. It was a technique she'd picked up on social media and it actually looked good.

"Wow thanks Maia. It looks great. Who knew my eyes could look that big."

"You're so pretty Hannah. You should wear makeup all the time, Maia said. Amy and Kay nodded in agreement.

"Thanks girls. I really appreciate it. You don't think it's too much?" I asked, moving my face from one side to the other in the mirror to see if I had overdone the makeup.

"No, of course not. Sabrina says you can never make too much effort for a date and you want to make a good impression," said Maia.

"Who's Sabrina? The teenage witch?" I asked, confused.

"No. She's a vlogger." Amy shared a look with Kat who then rolled her eyes as if I should have known that.

"Right, well I like Sabrina's tips on eyeshadow. Now let's see if the dress looks okay."

They waited outside while I put on my navy lace empire dress which was covered with tiny beads and flowed elegantly to the knee. It felt strange showing off my legs but my navy vintage-style court shoes were comfortable but still feminine. My hair flowed down my back in loose curls. I was a little nervous as I wasn't used to seeing this version of myself and I wasn't sure if I could pull it off.

"Can we see?" Kat squealed from outside the door.

"Yes, come in." They barrelled through the door and stared at me open mouthed.

"You look beautiful Hannah," said Maia.

"Definitely a ten," said Amy.

"She's not a ten. She's a million," said Kat. "You look like a princess Aunt Hannah."

"Thanks Kat. Thanks girls," I said with tears in my eyes.

"Dad's gonna flip," said Maia giggling and looked at Amy who nodded in agreement.

"What? Why?" The last thing I wanted was a scene.

"He just is," Maia sighed but said nothing else.

"Maybe I should put jeans on," I said undecidedly.

"No!" they all shouted in unison. "Don't you dare," said Maia. "This dress is amazing." She acted like such a little woman that I almost forgot she was a teenager at times.

"Thanks girls." I appreciated the moral support. It was not a big thing for some women to get dressed up but for me it felt strange. I was really nervous about going on a date and putting myself out there but knew I had to do it. I had to push my crush on Mika to the back of my mind. I didn't want to be waiting in hope on a kind word from him or getting between him and Carla. It helped that I actually liked Connor and selfishly, his flirting actually gave me a little confidence boost.

I walked downstairs tentatively just before Connor was due to arrive. From the hallway I could hear Mika and Carla in the kitchen making food. I wanted to be downstairs ready to answer the door so we could get going quickly. It was tempting to hide in the hall but that would be rude especially as they were both babysitting my kids. Yes, I did consider the children as mine. Kat grabbed my hand and pulled me towards the kitchen with Amy and Maia following close behind us. Mika and Carla were standing by the breakfast bar cutting vegetables and talking about the design of the house. The conversation stopped when I walked in.

Carla smiled at me and gave me a thumbs up in support. Mika stared at me with an unfathomable look on his face. He looked a little shocked as his eyes took in my hair, my dress and trailed down my legs to my shoes and back up again. I felt my whole body blush where his eyes travelled. It was uncomfortable being under his scrutiny. I felt good in my new dress and held on tight to my confidence. I would not let him say anything to ruin this for me.

"You're wearing the dress." He said accusingly. I wasn't even sure how to respond to that.

Carla looked at him in confusion and then smiled at me reassuringly. "I think what he means is you look really nice Hannah. That dress is gorgeous."

"Thanks Carla. I can't remember the last time I got dressed up."

"Well I'm sure Connor will appreciate it," she said teasingly. Mika's whole tensed. He was still staring at me grudgingly and his eyes lingered on the neckline of my dress then roamed down to my legs again. His mouth was set in a grim line. I was tempted to pull the hem of my dress down. Was it too short? No, it almost touched my knees, it was fine.

There was an awkward silence which was luckily interrupted by the doorbell.

"I'll get it," I said quickly and rushed to the door hoping I could slip out quickly.

As I opened the door, Connor was standing on the doorstep looking handsome in a navy shirt, dress trousers, brogues and dark pea coat. He looked extremely handsome, even more so than in his usual builder attire. His dark hair was longish on top and swept back, like he had just run his hands through it. That mischievous glint was in his eye and he looked me up and down with an appreciative smile.

"Wow, you look beautiful Hannah," he said.

"Thanks," I said blushing. "You look great too. We're matching." I pointed between my navy dress and his shirt, then realised how geeky that sounded but thankfully he just laughed.

"These are for you." He handed me a bunch of pink roses.

"Wow, thanks. They're lovely. I don't think I've ever been given flowers before."

"Really? I can't believe it. Who have you been going out with?" he said in a disbelieving tone. I turned around to take the flowers inside and get my coat. Mika, Carla and the girls standing in the hallway watching us.

"Hey Mika," said Connor from behind me.

Mika ignored him and silently eyed my flowers with a frown. Carla had an exaggerated smile on her face and the girls were giggling.

"I'll put the flowers in some water for you," offered Maia, taking the roses. She was a little saint. I just wanted to get out of there as quickly as possible.

"Thanks, that would be lovely," I replied gratefully and grabbed my coat.

"I won't be out late. I'll see you later and thanks so much for looking after the kids," I said to Mika and Carla then waved before guiding Connor out of the house.

"That was tense," said Connor laughing. "I always thought Mika liked me. Have I done something wrong?"

"Ignore him. He's always like that and he's probably just disappointed that he's stuck in babysitting." I really didn't want to delve into what his problem could be. I was determined to keep my night drama free, to just go with the flow and enjoy the company of an attractive man who seemed to like me.

"Well if anyone can cheer him up it's Carla," he said.

"So you know Carla well?" I was genuinely intrigued. Strangely I wasn't jealous but just wanted to know.

"I've gotten to know her through her uncle. She's worked on some projects with us and is always really friendly. I just hope Mika treats her well."

I followed him over to his car and he opened the passenger door for me before sliding in behind the wheel. "So how come you never asked her out?" I asked. Sometimes I was a little blunt. It was the nosey journalist side in me.

He laughed in shock. "It's not like that. I see her more like a little sister." I raised my eyebrows not believing him.

"Honestly. It's never been like that between us. There's no attraction there." His eyes lingered on me. He touched a loose curl that had fallen in front of my eyes and tucked it behind my ear. It was such a gentle gesture, it made me feel warm inside. I'd never really had a man take care of me, not that I needed it but it felt nice.

"So where's your friend's restaurant?" I asked. He filled me in about his best friend Jose, real name Gary, who had left town as a teenager and travelled the world as a chef before returning this year to open a restaurant.

"Wow, that's an interesting life."

"Yeah, maybe you could do a story on him."

"Well I write for a women's magazine so I'd have to see if there's an interest for our female readers."

"Believe me. Your female readers would love him." He started laughing. "He's been warned to leave you alone though. He can be a bit flirty."

I probably should have been offended at him warning someone off me. "Really? Is he as flirty as you?"

"He can give me a run for my money. We used to compete for girls when we were younger. He has more money than me but he'll never have my charm." Connor winked at me.

I laughed at his confidence. "Well, it's good to know you're your own number one fan."

"Hey, I need at least one fan," he said with fake modesty. He was definitely fun to be around and I could feel myself starting to relax.

"I love your smile. Wish I saw it more," he joked.

"There's not much to smile about when you're hammering down walls," I said.

"Oh I don't know. Imagine it's the face of someone you hate and that hammer feels really good."

"Okay, Mr Secret Psycho. I'll remember that, thanks."

"Secret Psycho? Sounds good. I like it," he said with pride. I laughed again. This man should bottle his confidence and sell it. He'd make millions.

The restaurant was an elegant traditional-style Italian bistro and the owner was just as flirty as Connor described but I made sure to keep my attention on my date. Connor was really funny not to mention a bit of a gossip. As we were standing at the bar of the restaurant the conversation steered to Mika and what had happened with his wife.

"I was surprised he actually agreed to go out with Carla. It's no secret that she's liked him for a while but he's always ignored it. I mean it's common knowledge that he wasn't over what happened with his wife. It's strange that he suddenly decided to take Carla up on her offer."

"So what exactly happened with his wife?" I felt bad for asking about Mika behind his back but I also needed to understand the situation more. It could explain why he was so harsh with me a lot of the time.

"What, you don't know? How's that possible when you share a house?"

"We only share a house really because of the kids and because Mika was best friends with their dad. I just come with it. It's not like we're good friends."

"Well he's certainly protective of you for someone who's not your friend."

"Mika's just set in his ways. He has these rules for the house and for his life, like how we all have to have dinner at a certain time and we all have to go to the rugby games. I think he just needs to be in control."

"Yeah I can see why he'd be like that. I'd be the same to be honest if my wife had left me like that."

"So, what happened?" I was determined to know now.

"When Mika first came to the town, he was playing for a city club but wanted to live somewhere quieter. He met Lucy not long after. She'd lived here all her life and was a stunner so she obviously caught his attention. To be honest, I was surprised she settled here at all. We knew each other as kids and she always seemed like she wanted to get away from here. Maybe she thought Mika was her chance, I don't know. Anyway, they got married, bought the house and had kids. They seemed like the dream couple you know. Kind of like local celebrities. Then about six years ago he was badly injured in a game. He was in hospital for a while with a head and shoulder injury. He was told he wouldn't ever be able to play again. I suppose it didn't turn out to be the fairytale life that Lucy signed up for. She was looking after four kids and Mika had to give up his job."

We were interrupted by the clinking of glasses as Jose gave his welcome speech. I was hardly listening as I was desperate to hear the rest of the story about Mika. Applause erupted at the end of the speech before everyone went back to the conversations. "What happened after Mika went into hospital? Was he okay?" I asked, worried at learning about his injury.

"He made a good recovery but not enough to play professionally again. I think he went through a dark phase coming to terms with it and Lucy found it difficult not being part of the celebrity crowd anymore. His coaches would still come to visit and from what I know Lucy started having an affair with one of them. It must've been about a year after his injury when Mika had just got a job coaching at the high school that she told him she was leaving. She just left and so far as I know hasn't been seen since." I was shocked. How could someone just leave her husband and children like that after all they had been through?

"Where did she go?"

"I think she shacked up with the coach she'd been having an affair with."

"Does she have family around here? Do they see her?"

"Mika bought them a house abroad years ago so they were never around. I don't think his kids have ever really known them that well."

"I can't believe it. No wonder he doesn't trust anyone. So he hasn't had a relationship with anyone since then?" I asked.

"Not until Carla. I know Carla quite well through work and that she's liked him for a while but he always passed it off as harmless flirting. That's why I couldn't believe it when he finally agreed to go out with her."

"So how did he know Josh?"

"Their kids were friends at school and when Lucy left, Josh was there for them. Him and his wife Katie would invite them over for dinner. They'd look after the kids when Mika was coaching after school. I think it really helped him to have that support. A few months later, Josh's wife Katie was diagnosed with cancer and it was Mika's turn to be there for Josh. When she died, they became really good friends. With their situations I suppose they had a lot in common."

"Yeah, I guess. How come you know so much about this?"

He shrugged. "Like I said, it's a small town so you get to know everything. Also, Dave can't keep a secret to save his life. If you want everyone to know your life story, tell it to Dave," he said affectionately. "So you really didn't know Josh all that well then?"

"To be honest, I didn't know him at all. His father had an affair with my mother but she had no idea about his wife or Josh. He wanted nothing to do with me and neither did Josh. In fact from what Mika has said, Josh kind of hated me though I'm not sure why. I'd never even met him."

"That's insane. Surely he didn't blame you for the affair. So, how come he left his kids in your custody if he hated you?"

"I can only think he put me in the will because there were no other family members but couldn't have guessed he would die so young. I like to think maybe he might have meant to reconcile with me at some point but it just never happened. It's strange, I hear good things about him from Mika and the kids yet he disliked me. I'll never know what he was thinking."

"It is sad that he died so young and in such tragic circumstances. I mean one second you're there and living your life and the next you're gone. I've never known someone to die of a heart attack that young." Connor said.

"I know, apparently he was really fit and active. There was a lot going on in his life that people didn't know about and I think he may have been under a lot of stress."

The tone had taken a depressing turn and I didn't want this to be how he remembered our date. "Sorry, this probably isn't the sort of thing people usually talk about on a date. It's a bit morbid."

"Not at all. I'm just wanting to get to know you. I guess I wondered why you agreed to take on four kids who you barely knew."

"Well my mother is an angel and she talked me into it. She could talk anyone into anything. More than that though, it was the right thing to do. I don't have any kids of my own, my job was quite mobile and if I could help keep a family together then why not? Plus after meeting them I loved them almost immediately. I can't explain it. I just wanted to care for them."

"They're lucky to have you."

"I'm not so sure about that. I keep messing things up."

"Parents mess things up all the time. You can only do your best. They seem to be doing fine to me considering what they've been through. I'd say it's a miracle how happy they are and a lot of that is thanks to you."

"Mika more like. They adore him."

"They adore you too you know. As an outsider it's obvious." I thought about what he said and really hoped it was true.

"So enough about me. What about you? How come you're still single?"

"Never found the right woman I guess. Maybe my luck has changed." He smiled at me and raised his eyebrows in invitation, making me blush. He laughed at how embarrassed I got. Connor was easy to talk to and surprisingly I was really enjoying the night. He told me how he'd started working in construction for Dave as a teenager and would taking over the business when the boss retired. He insisted it wasn't a proper date until we danced and before I knew it, he was pulling me on to the dancefloor. I wondered if it was maybe an excuse to get physically close. It was a slow song and Connor held me firmly and it felt good to be held by a man. Connor's slim build made him an agile dancer. I imagined it would feel different to be held by Mika's huge form. Realising I was comparing them, I pushed the thoughts aside.

When Connor dropped me off at home at around one o'clock in the morning I was still smiling and I realised I hadn't laughed so much in a long time. The night had been a lot of fun. If I was living alone, I might have invited Connor in for a coffee to say thank you but I knew I couldn't do that. It was later than I had expected to be home so I hoped everyone would be in bed. I picked my keys out of my bag then turned around to say goodbye to Connor. His eyes were still dancing brightly. "I've had a brilliant night," he said. "I knew it would great."

"Me too," I answered.

"So, do you want to do this again? Do you think I'm worth a second date?" he joked.

"Yes, I'd love to." I couldn't help but giggle. Maybe I was a little tipsy or still feeling the high from the dancing but had been such a good night and he was a lovely guy so I didn't hesitate.

"Great. I'll let you pick what we do next time," he said smiling. He stared at my lips and looked like he wanted to kiss me but I wasn't ready for that. I reached forward for a hug instead and he held me tightly. Backing away and opening the door I said, "I'll be in touch about the second date. There's a lot to live up to though, tonight was so much fun. Thank you, I had a great time."

"You too. We'll talk during the week. Bye Hannah," he said walking backwards towards his car.

"Bye Connor." I watched him drive off before I shut the door. I turned around to walk into the kitchen and a hulk of a man was standing in the doorway staring at me with a look of thunder in his eyes.

"So you're seeing him again?" demanded Mika.

"You were listening?" I was flustered having just been on a high from my night out and was not prepared for an ambush.

"Well you were both pretty loud. I'm surprised you didn't wake everyone up."

"Why are you still up? I thought you'd be in bed." I walked past him into the kitchen.

"I was waiting up for you. I thought you'd be back before twelve and was worried."

"Sorry, I lost track of time." I threw my bag on the dining table and grabbed a glass of water.

"You didn't answer my question," he stated.

"Yes, we're going to arrange another night out. It was a really good night."

Mika's mouth was tight in a firm straight line and I could tell he was struggling to control his breathing. "So you like him then?"

"Yes, he's good fun."

"Fun? Is that what you want from a man? I suppose he's more carefree than a man with lots of kids to look after."

"What's that supposed to mean?" Was he talking about himself?

"Nothing. It doesn't mean anything," he sneered. "I wonder how much fun he'd still be if he was helping you to look after four kids."

"That's really rude Mika," I said through gritted teeth. He was ruining my good mood.

"Well it's the truth," he answered with a satisfied smile. He lent against the breakfast bar with his arms folded showing off his bulging muscles under a t-shirt. It was his favourite pose when he was talking down to me. In casual pants and bare feet with his wavy dark hair loose around his shoulders he was a sight to behold. Not many women got to see him like this. It was very distracting and I had to remember that I was annoyed by what he'd just said to me.

"Why are you interrogating me about my date and where's Carla?" I tried to steer the conversation away from me.

"She left just after you," he answered abruptly. I waited for an explanation but didn't get one.

"Oh. Is she's okay?" He just grunted. I looked at him to see if there was any hint of why she'd left but he gave nothing away. Knowing Mika he'd probably offended her. "Did you say something to upset her?"

He turned and rested his back against the breakfast bar. "It was just getting too serious too soon that's all. There's too much going on."

"That's a cop out Mika." I never pegged him for a coward but that's how he came across right now.

"You don't know anything." He clenched his fists at his sides in frustration.

"I know about Lucy and your accident." I hoped he would open up if he knew I was aware of what had happened but I felt him shut down. He stared at me coldly.

"That has nothing to do with you. You don't know anything." Now he was being defensive and mean. This was the Mika I'd dealt with most of the time.

"Fine. You know what, I'm going to bed. I'm not surprised Carla left if this was the mood you were in."

Before I could walk away, he grabbed my arm in his big hand. "I don't want you going out with him again."

I was shocked that he would just come out and say that. "Why?"

"I've told you before. It's not appropriate."

"That's rubbish Mika and you know it."

"You're turning our lives upside down for some stupid fling," he said close to my ear. I could feel the tension radiating from him.

"It's not even a fling, it's just a date and you're being irrational." I tried to tug my arm away but couldn't. He was standing so close to me that if I turned to face him our lips would be practically touching, so I couldn't move.

In a low voice he spoke into my ear again. "No more dates. Give it a rest."

"You're being unfair Mika. It's none of your business."

His mouth was still at my ear. The front of his warm body was flush with my side. It was intoxicating and he made me tremble.

"You live with me. Anything you do is my business."

"No. It's not. Why do you care anyway?"

"We're friends. Friends look out for one another," he growled.

"Really? We're friends? Since when? You treat me like something you brought in off your shoe most of the time. If you're not scowling at me like I'm a nuisance you're bossing me about."

"I do not treat you like that and I don't scowl. If I'm a little controlling that's because I'm protective of my friends."

"So we're friends?"

"Yes. Of course." He sighed but still kept hold of my arm. "Look, I think we need to start afresh for the sake of the kids. No more dates. No more drama. Let's get this extension on the house built and make this our home."

I had to admit it would be a relief not to be arguing. Could I be friends with Mika knowing I have a big crush on him? I wasn't sure but what choice did I have seeing as we lived together? Admitting to myself I was still harbouring a crush made me realise I shouldn't go on another date with Connor. It wasn't fair on him. "No more dates? Is that rule just for me or is it for you as well?"

"Both of us. I think we need to get some order in this house. I don't like drama. I've had it for so long that I want peace Hannah. Can you do that? Can we be friends?"

I nodded before the words came out. "Yes. I can do that but please try to have more patience with me. I'm still learning at this parenting thing. I could do with your help sometimes. You don't have to look at me like everything I do is wrong."

"I didn't know I did that. Fine, from now on you have my full support. Are we agreed then? No more dates. We concentrate on our home and our family?"

"Yes." I whispered. It wasn't lost on me that he said "family" as a singular entity. He considered us all as one family. Yes, I could do this. I couldn't have Mika the way my stupid romantic heart wanted but that would never have worked anyway. He didn't look at me that way, plus we argued too much and that would be bad for the kids.

He finally let go of my arm and faced me with a look of relief on his face. "Friends?" he asked, holding out his big hand for me to shake. I took his massive palm in mine and agreed.

"Friends," I confirmed with a small smile.

##  **Chapter 10**

The friends agreement was fine until I had to break the news to Connor. "You just went and let him dictate who you can go out with?" Connor asked looking shocked as he removed his hard hat. We were standing in the new living room of the extension which now had walls and a ceiling but was still waiting for the windows to be put in.

"I'm sorry Connor. I just can't rock the boat at the moment. Everyone's been through so much I just need to make sure everyone's happy."

"Apart from you," he answered annoyed.

"Really, I am sorry. I didn't mean to lead you on. I hope I didn't."

He rolled his eyes and sighed. "No you didn't lead me on but I'm still gutted you know? We get on well but he's always going to be there isn't he?"

"I have to do this. I'm so sorry." I placed my hand on his.

He shook his head. "Well it's not like we can avoid each other. I work on this site. Just know this Hannah, if you change your mind, I'll be here. Well unless Katy Perry rocks up into town, you might have some competition on your hands then." I knew he was acting cocky to take away the awkwardness and I smiled at him gratefully.

A deep cough behind us disturbed the conversation. I turned and Mika was glaring at the both of us. Connor glared back at him and walked off.

"What was that about?" Mika asked striding towards me purposefully. "I thought you weren't seeing him anymore?" Mika sounded like a jealous boyfriend, which I knew was laughable but friends didn't need to be so controlling.

"I'm not. That's what I was just telling him."

"Oh. Good." He looked relieved. We stared at each other not knowing what to say. This friendship thing was going to take some work.

"So tonight, we're having a movie night in the living room. We're watching The Goonies. You and the kids are welcome to join us. There'll be popcorn."

"Oh okay, yeah that sounds great. Thanks. I'll let the kids know."

"They already know. They're expecting you to be there." He had the decency to look sheepish like he knew he should've asked me first.

"Of course they do. Sounds great. I'll be there."

"Film starts at seven o'clock straight after dinner." He gave me one of his rare smiles that I'd seen him give Carla and it made his hazel eyes light up. I was sure my heart stopped for a second and I just stared as he walked away. Sure I could do "just friends" who sit and watch films together with their kids like a perfect family. Who was I kidding? This was going to be tough.

As promised, the film started at seven o'clock sharp and there was plenty of popcorn. Mika and I sat at either end of the corner couch with Kat, Niko, Maia and Amy nestled between us. Daniel and Tane had the other sofa while Luke and Matiu were sitting on beanbags on the floor. To look at us we looked like a real family.

"I can't believe you all like this. I used to watch this as a kid in the eighties," I said.

"Well some of them hadn't seen it before. Can you believe that? You can't grow up never watching The Goonies," said Mika smiling.

"Really? That's shocking. I can't imagine a childhood without The Goonies," I said smiling back.

"The older brother is so cute," said Amy, which made Maia giggle.

"Shut up. He's too old for you," said Daniel before throwing a cushion at her. I felt sorry for Amy if she ever got a boyfriend. He'd have to get though her older brothers first.

"Sloth's the best," Niko declared.

"Yeah and Chunk," Kat agreed.

"No way. Mouth' get my vote," I said. "He's funny, cheeky and he can speak Spanish."

As the debate went around the room, I couldn't help but smile at how homely and right this felt. I realised we really were one big family. We were muddling our way through but we'd become a family.

It became a ritual for us once a week to all sit and have a film night. There were no excuses and nobody got out of it. Everybody had a turn at choosing a film. There were some weird choices but it was hilarious watching the boys sit through Kat's film The Little Mermaid. I think they secretly liked it. After the fifth week I realised Mika and I had started sitting closer together with just Niko and Kat between us. Mika had his arm stretched along the back of the couch and it reached behind both children and me. As the film played, I thought about the house, which would be finished in the next few months and we'd all finally have a bit more space. When all the kids went to bed Mika and I stayed up for a coffee to talk through the development work. He'd finally got used to me helping out on the building site and even realised I was competent at some of the work.

As we sat at the dining room table going through plans he said, "So I hear Connor's going out with Ingrid from the coffee shop." He looked at me waiting for a reaction but in all honesty, I was happy for Connor. I wasn't jealous at all which told me I probably never really liked in a romantic way.

"Yeah, I think they'll be good together," I answered honestly.

"So it doesn't bother you then?" he asked.

"No. Why would it? We only went on one date."

"Yeah but I thought you really liked him."

"It never had chance to get to that stage." Mika smiled almost guiltily at that.

"So have you heard anything from Carla since she started working out of town?" I asked.

"No but then I didn't expect to. I hear she's doing well with her new project. I'm not surprised at all," he said. I nodded in agreement. She was very talented.

After a moment of silence, I asked, "Do the kids ever miss her?"

"Who Carla?"

"No, their mother." His back stiffened for a second and he looked down at the plans. I thought he was going to tell me to mind my own business but he surprised me.

"Yeah sometimes. I think it's worse for Maia you know. She's at that age where she has questions about women's things and I just don't have the answers for her. Sure I can help the boys because I've been there but with Maia I'm a duck out of water."

"That's not your fault. You're doing great with her. She's such a good person and a lot of that is thanks to you."

"I know but she needs a female role model. That's why I'm glad you're here. She really likes you."

"I really like her too."

"She's not the only the one. They all really like you."

"Really?" His compliment meant a lot to me.

"I know they do."

"So what about Coach? Does he still hate me?" I was joking but secretly fishing for a compliment.

"Well Coach never really hated you. You just took a bit of getting used to. He thinks you're alright."

"Wow, that's a huge compliment," I joked sarcastically.

"Well that's all you're getting." He was smiling at me and I couldn't help but smile back.

"Fine, I suppose Coach is alright too when he's not being a grouch."

Mika held his hand over his heart pretending to be hurt. "That's offensive. Coach would make his team do fifty push-ups for giving lip like that."

"Lucky for me he thinks I'm alright then. I'd hate to collapse after doing just one push-up and embarrass myself."

He laughed and it warmed me through. We stared at each other for a second and there was definitely a moment, a shared moment of happiness. I'd take his friendship, whatever he would give me. For moments like this, it was worth it.

After the next film night, I was doing some work at the dining table and Mika came to join me again. We chatted for a minute about the house and then it was his turn to ask me questions.

"So before all of this, why did you not have a husband or a boyfriend at least?"

"I was just busy. I was focusing on work."

"Well lucky for the kids you're a spinster or it could've caused all sorts of problems."

"Cheek! I'm not a spinster. I'm just fussy. Plus I haven't been that lucky with some of the men I've met."

"Oh yeah? I sense there's a story here."

"Not really. They just end up being users, selfish or shallow. It's funny because I'm a good judge of character apart from when it comes to my relationships. I have blinkers on when it comes to the men I like and then I realise too late who they really are, after I've already committed myself. Now I have four kids to look after so it's probably not something I ever have to worry about again anyway."

He frowned at that. "Well if they were selfish, shallow users then you're better off without them."

"I know. Who wants to be with someone who stalks other women on social media or someone who quits their job and cons you into paying their rent while they're cheating on you behind your back?"

"What? You're kidding?" He looked shocked and then angry.

"No, really. That's how gullible I've been." It hurt to think about. I knew there must've been something wrong with me for me to have been used by the only three men I got close to. I was the common denominator in those situations so it had to be me right?

Mika looked at me with sympathy then pulled me to him and wrapped his arm around me for a side hug. "They weren't good enough for you. You're better off without them."

"I know," I sighed. His head was rested on mine and his big arm felt warm and comforting.

"If we'd been friends then, that wouldn't have happened. Believe me. I wouldn't have let that happen." This was the possessiveness that was both overbearing and also made me feel cared for in a way I'd never felt before.

"I know. Thank you." After a few moments of silence I said, "I'm sorry about what happened with Lucy." The words just came out and immediately I wanted to take them back, afraid he'd retreat.

Mika was quiet for a second before he said, "Thank you."

"She was lucky to have you and the kids." I realised I was being a bit too honest after all I was trying to keep my feelings for him a secret.

"Well, she didn't think so," he said seriously, pulling away and looking down at his hands.

"She wasn't good enough for you. You're better off without her." I returned his words and gave him a shoulder bump and he chuckled.

"Thanks. Ever think of becoming a coach? You'd be good at pep talks." He tried to keep the mood light but I could tell the conversation had bothered him.

"Here for pep talks any time."

"That's good to know," he said and nudged me back with his shoulder. At times like these I got to see Mika as nobody else did. His vulnerability didn't make me want to run away but attracted me even more. It also made me afraid I might do something stupid to ruin our friendship.

****

"So today's the big day," my mother squealed over the phone. The extension was finished on time and we were finally moving in. "Congratulations. I know you've been waiting for this and have worked so hard."

"Thanks mum. I can't wait to get all of our things in to the house. We told the kids we'd wait until they got out of school before we moved our stuff across. They haven't even seen any of their new rooms yet."

"You must be really excited and just in time for Christmas too."

"You know you're welcome here Christmas mum. I'd love to have you here."

"Thank you honey but your Aunt Laura has asked me to go to hers. It's her first year after losing Uncle Raymond and I want to be there for her."

"Of course mum. I completely understand. Send her my love and I'll try and get down to see her after the New Year."

"That would be lovely. It feels like I haven't seen you in ages. Send my love to my grandchildren and that hunk of a man you live with." I blushed at that last bit. Although the kids still hadn't met my mother yet they'd all spoken to her on the phone and like everyone who came into contact with her, they just loved her. She even had Mika laughing on the phone when he answered.

"I'll send them your love mum. Thanks and I'll speak to you soon. Love you."

"Love you Hannah." I was smiling when I walked into the dining room. Mika and I had already stacked boxes ready to move into the extension but were waiting for the kids as promised.

"What are you smiling at?" he asked.

"Just my mother."

"Ah that explains it. Amazing woman." That was a lot coming from him but he was right.

"She said to send you her love. I won't even tell you what she called you."

"Was it good?"

"Maybe," I answered with a smirk.

"You have to tell me now. You can't not tell me." He narrowed his eyes.

"Nah. Your ego is big enough," I teased and he fluttered his eyelashes at me in an overtly feminine way as if to talk me around.

"That's just freaky. I'll tell you if you promise to never do that again," I responded.

"Deal," he said laughing.

"She just said to send her love to that hunk of a man I live with."

"See your mother is not only amazing but has wonderful taste."

"That's what I meant about the ego," I said raising my eyebrow in mock disgust.

"You love it really."

"Of course. Who wouldn't?" I asked sarcastically.

Our teasing was good banter and although it bordered on flirting, it was harmless. I'd come to realise Mika actually had a good sense of humour underneath his gruff exterior. We heard our youngest children barrelling up the front path before we even saw them. One of their friends' parents had picked them up from school while we sorted the house.

"You better not have moved without us," Kat shouted excitedly.

"Of course we didn't. We said we'd wait." I answered.

"Where are Tane and Daniel?" I asked Luke and Matiu when they arrived a while later.

They both shrugged, helpful as usual. Then Tane walked in the door with Daniel appeared to be almost hiding close behind him. They were acting weird.

"We're just gonna go upstairs and change. We'll be down in a minute," said Tane. Daniel was quiet which was strange.

"Daniel, your stuff is in boxes on the landing," I shouted to him. He waved and turned towards the stairs, with his hand over his face. Something wasn't right.

"Daniel, look at me," I ordered. This got everyone's attention. Daniel stopped with a sigh, his shoulders dropped and then he turned around. My hand went to my mouth in shock.

"It looks worse than it is," he said as though I was making a scene about nothing.

"Your eye is swollen shut and your lip is busted. Please tell me how that looks worse than it is? Who did this?" I demanded.

Mika came to stand at my side and I could feel the anger radiating from him. "Answer the question Dan," Mika warned in a low voice.

"It doesn't matter," he said.

"Yes it does matter. Either you tell me who did it or I'll have to go to the school and find out for myself," I replied.

Daniel rolled his good eye and I wanted to smack him myself. "Look it was Alex and his little minions okay. Now just leave it."

"As in Alex Lewis? I thought that was all over with." Tane shook his head and patted Daniel on the shoulder in support.

"Right, you're coming with me," I said to Daniel.

"Coming where?"

"We're going to pay Alex's mum a little visit. I'm not having this again," I said.

"No. You can't go over there. I'm not going."

"Where do they live?" I asked him. There was silence at first but then Amy piped up, "They live on West Street. The big grey house with the evergreens in the front."

Daniel glared at Amy like she was a traitor but she shrugged and then looked concerned for him.

"We're going over there right now," I stated.

"No way. It won't do any good." Daniel's arms were folded defiantly.

"Maybe this isn't such a good idea. I know what these people are like and I'm used to dealing with their kind," said Mika. "I'll speak to his dad myself."

"No. I need to sort this. That woman needs to control her kids. I've already told her once. Daniel let's go. Now." I tugged on his arm and pulled him out to the car. Despite his bigger size I was still his guardian and he'd do as he was told. Reluctantly he got into the car and everyone followed us out.

"Hannah, think about this first," shouted Mika.

"We'll be back in a bit. Just let me do this," I said to them as I got into the car.

It was silent between Daniel and I on the drive over. There was no mistaking the house when we got there because it was the biggest and most ostentatious house on the street with stone pillars, a water fountain and huge evergreen trees behind big iron gates. I parked on the street and made my way up to the electronic gates with Daniel dragging his feet behind me then I pressed the buzzer.

"The Lewis household. How may I help you?" said a well-spoken man's voice through the speaker.

"Hello. I'm here to speak to Mrs Lewis," I announced while trying to keep my voice strong and to rein in my temper.

"And you are?"

"I'm Hannah Lomax, Daniel Walker's guardian."

"I'm afraid Mrs Lewis is busy at the moment. Can I pass on a message?"

"Yes you can tell her to stop whatever she's doing. I want to see her right now."

"I'm afraid that won't be possible Miss Lomax. I suggest you come back another time."

"Unless she wants to speak to the police about how her son assaulted my boy, I suggest she comes out to see me right now." There were a few seconds of silence then the gate clicked open.

Anna Lewis stood at the front door with her arms folded, looking down on us as we got to the front steps. "Miss Lomax. To what do we owe this pleasure?" she asked condescendingly.

"Oh, I've just come for a chat about how your son did this to my boy's face," I answered through gritted teeth.

"Well, I seem to remember that happening to Alex a while back. Karma can be an unfortunate thing," Mrs Lomax said haughtily.

"Well I actually thought karma was exactly what Alex got after he attacked his own girlfriend," I replied and her face dropped.

"None of that was ever proven. Now if you don't mind, I have important things to do."

"Come on Hannah. Just leave it," said Daniel at my side. His eye was swollen shut and it made me madder every time I looked at it.

"So here's what's going to happen. You think your son's going to get away with this but he's not. I assure you him and his friends will face the consequences. I hear he's very keen on building a rugby career. Well, he won't if he's not on the team."

She folded her arms tight and glared at me from inside her doorway. "That's not your decision to make."

"Daniel's practically a son to Coach Cooper, who is now happy at all with this. I know your husband likes to show off about your son and his future rugby career. Well that could all be over."

"Do not threaten me girl. You have no idea of what I'm capable of."

"Just like you have no idea what I'm capable of. Keep your kids away from mine."

"They're not even your kids," she taunted. Inside I flinched but I straightened my back so she wouldn't tell how much her words had affected me.

"They are my kids and in every way that matters and they always will be. Being a parent is about actually caring for your kids and teaching them right from wrong. Not just spreading your legs, popping a kid out and leaving them to cause mayhem." Daniel snorted at the last bit.

Mrs Lewis looked like she was about to burst with rage. Her face was red as she shouted, "Get off my property now."

"Keep your kids away from mine or I promise Alex will be getting pulled from the team. There is no room on that team for bullies," I said as Daniel started pulling me away.

"Watch your back Miss Lomax. That big mouth of yours may get you into real trouble."

"Are you threatening me?"

"Just some friendly advice. Watch your back."

Daniel pulled me out of the gate and grabbed my car keys from my hand to open the door. I was breathing heavily when we got inside the car and my hands clenched around the steering wheel. That woman made my blood boil. Somehow, I didn't think I'd won that round. I'd stooped to her level and I wondered what her threat meant. She had a lot of money so I imagine she could do a lot of damage if she wanted.

"You've just made everything worse," Daniel said. "I told you not to go around there."

"Daniel, people like that can't be allowed to get away with picking on people. They need to be taught a lesson."

"It didn't seem like she was being taught a lesson. Sounds like she has it in for you now," Daniel said bitterly.

"It's just threats. She was angry because I threatened to get her son pulled off the team."

"Mika won't do that. He won't just pull him off the team just because you say so."

"What about your face and the fact that Alex's friends all joined in? That's reason enough."

"I'll sort it myself. I don't need anyone's help."

"No, you won't. Stay away from those boys, especially Alex Lewis. Daniel we have to be clever about this."

He raised his eyebrows to highlight how my stand-off with Mrs Lewis had been the opposite of clever. I held my hands up and said, "Yes I know I could've handled that better but I was just so angry when I saw your face. I still am. The best thing you can do is to keep on that team, stay out of trouble and don't let anything ruin your rugby career okay? Let me deal with the messy stuff and I'll pay the consequences for it. That's my job now. All you have to do is try and stay away from him. Keep the tackling or whatever on the field. Promise me."

Daniel blew out a breath. "Fine. I promise, I won't go after him. He's not worth it anyway. He only got the better of me because he caught me by surprise and was with his little mates. It won't happen again though. If he comes at me again, I'll be ready for him."

"Daniel. There won't be a next time," I warned. He nodded dismissively and I drove us home.

Mika was like a caged lion pacing our old kitchen when we walked back through the door. None of the kids had been allowed into the new part of the house yet. Daniel told him everything that happened and Mika clenched his jaw.

"Dan, give us a minute will you please," Mika said and Daniel left the room.

"So you used me to threaten her? Did you think of what might happen if this gets back to headteacher at school and he thinks I'm playing favourites?"

"Well, you should kick him off the team. He's a bully."

"It's not as simple as that. Dan attacked him first. I can't just take players off the team because they don't like each other."

"So he just goes unpunished? He gets to do whatever he likes," I shouted.

"This is my job Hannah. Don't ever use my job as a way of threatening people. That's not for you to do. If I want to do that, I'll do it myself. You had no right to drag me into that."

"You're so spineless. Do you know that? You bow down to these people, let their spoilt kids do what they want. You're supposed to be a role model. You're supposed to stand up for the kids."

"Yes and it's my decision how I do that. Not yours. How generous of you to put my job on the line without risking your own. We may be friends but don't ever try and make decisions for me."

"Fine. I won't. I shouldn't have expected you to have our backs." I was furious but also embarrassed for assuming he'd support me and getting it wrong.

"That's not what I meant and you know it Hannah. I can't have other people make my decisions for me. It's unfair of you to even expect that. Come and ask me if you want my help but don't use me as a weapon to fight other people with."

I was annoyed because I thought we were close enough that I could just expect him to defend me and our family but I realised I'd overstepped a boundary. "Fine. I won't. I didn't realise you'd be mad. I'm sorry," I huffed.

"Look, kids go through these feuds all the time. It's a part of growing up. Sometimes they need to learn how to fight their own battles. Daniel's smart. He'll take a lesson from this. He'll be fine." I took his word for it and nodded, after all he was much more experienced with parenting than I was.

"Let's not let this get in the way of our plans. The kids were so excited today to be moving so let's just get everyone into the new part of the house," Mika added.

Placing my focus back on the move for the sake of the kids. I hoped they loved the house as much as I did. Even though I'd been involved in most of the build, I hadn't been allowed to see the final touches Mika had made over the past week as he'd wanted it to be a surprise. The kids each had their own room much to their delight. Some of the old bedrooms had been transformed into brand new rooms so they were modernised like the new ones. Logistically it had been a bit difficult with some of us bunking in the living room and sharing bedrooms for the past week while it was all finished but it was worth it.

"Close your eyes," Mika said standing behind me. He'd left my room until last. The kids were unloading their things into their new rooms excitedly so we were alone. Closing my eyes, I could feel him close behind me then he held my shoulders in his big hands and walked me slowly towards one of the doors. I heard him open the door and his front was pressed so close to my back I could feel the heat of his body and his solid muscle beneath his t-shirt. Leaning in close to my ear, in a gentle voice he said, "You can open them now."

I opened my eyes and my breath stuck in my chest. The first thing that struck me was how big the bedroom was. It was at least three times bigger than the walk-in wardrobe I'd been sleeping in. In all the time I'd helped work on the extension I never knew this was going to be my room. It was so light and calm. The walls were pale with hints of mint. The huge bed looked comfortable with light covered duvet and mint blankets. There were white wall to ceiling bookshelves all along one wall for all my books and a rolling ladder along with a white reconditioned writing bureau along the other wall. The windows stretched to the ceiling looking out into the sunset over the huge back garden. At the bottom of the window was a white wooden window seat built in with mint cushions and a matching wool blanket. It reminded me of a scene in Jane Eyre where she escaped to a hidden window seat to read. I told Mika once how I'd loved that scene and he must have remembered. Everything I'd ever mentioned to him about what would be in my perfect room was here. It made my heart swell and brought tears to my eyes.

"It's like you read exactly what was in my mind and made it real," I choked as I looked around. "It's beautiful Mika. I can't believe it's mine. It's too much."

"No, it's what you should have had in the first place instead of that cupboard you were sleeping in. I'm really sorry about that." He genuinely looked regretful and I wasn't sure why. He was generous to even let us come and live him in the first place, especially at the cheap rent I was paying him, which I had to force him to take each month. This room was beyond anything I could have dreamt. My own flat had been cosy but was modest. This was like a dream.

"Mika, you've done so much for us. I know you were best friends with Josh but really you've gone beyond what anyone would have done for their best friend's kids. And this is way beyond anything I would've expected as their guardian. Thank you so much." Tears were now falling as I looked around my new room in wonder.

"I didn't just do it for Josh or the kids. I know we don't always see eye to eye on things but you should know you mean a lot to me Hannah and I want you to be happy here with us." That brought a smile to my face that I couldn't hide and I could just about see his face through the tears. I wiped my nose and knew I looked a mess.

"Thank you. Wow, just thank you. I've never had anything like this." A sad look crossed his features at that.

"Well you deserve it Hannah. That and so much more. The way you look after the kids, not just yours but mine too, it means a lot to me. I wanted to show you how grateful we are and how grateful I am to have you here."

As I looked up at him through watery eyes he reached out tentatively and held my face between his warm, trembling hands. Slowly he lowered his mouth and skimmed the very corner of my lips with the gentlest of kisses. His warm lips were a whisper against my hot skin. My breath caught and my body softened as I leaned into him. As quickly as it happened his mouth was gone but my face was still cocooned in his hands. For him it definitely could have been a friendship kiss as it wasn't right on the mouth but for me, I felt the world tilt. He was looking down on me with a storm of emotions running through his eyes, conflicted like he was trying to rein in his feelings. Suddenly his hands left my face and he stepped back.

"I, I just wanted to say thank you. That was all," he stuttered. Mika never stumbled over his words. I did that but not him. He was always sure of himself. Then his words sunk in. That was all. He was letting me know it was just friendship and he had just been thanking me. My heart splintered and I felt ashamed at my own longing. He must've read it across my features because he stepped towards me.

"I'm sorry Hannah. I never meant to kiss you and I shouldn't have done that. You're a really good friend and I don't want anything to ruin what we've built for our family." Mika was pleading with me as though anything more than friendship might destroy his life. I would never do anything to hurt him. In fact I was pretty sure I was in love with him but if friendship was what he needed, I would offer that. I never wanted to be the someone who would cause him any pain. I took a deep breath, mustered my bravest smile and said, "Of course, we're friends Mika. You're probably the best friend I've ever had. I know you were just trying to thank me."

Though I couldn't be sure my poker face managed to hide my true feelings, Mika looked relieved. "Good," he said with a sigh, which made my heart sink a little. "How about we get your stuff moved in here."

I smiled again, despite the fact that my heart felt like it was having the life squeezed out of it and my stomach was doing some crazy flip flopping. This was our new house and the start of us all being one big family now. I needed to make sure my emotions didn't ruin the whole thing.

##  **Chapter 11**

Mika and I had started another tradition. It began one night when the kids were arguing over the remote in the living room, even though they all had televisions in their own rooms. We both retreated to his room to watch a film on his ridiculously big seventy-five-inch television, which he'd set up mainly for watching rugby. Since then, it had become a weekly ritual of our own. We would take snacks to his room and watch films on his bed. It almost felt like being a teenager again, except we were escaping the kids instead of our parents. His room had a relaxing vibe coloured in deep greens with dark solid wood furnishing and a woodsy smell that I would recognise as his scent anywhere. The bed was huge but then so was Mika. He took up much of the space so when we were lying on our front watching films, we somehow always ended up shoulder to shoulder. Mika was always warm so it was like lying next to a human electric blanket. This evening it was Mika's turn to choose a film and lucky for me he was forcing me to watch Apocalypse Now.

"Don't pull a face. It's a brilliant film," he said.

"I wasn't pulling a face."

"Yes, you were. Your face can't lie Hannah. It tells me everything." I blew out a frustrated breath that he could read me so well but didn't deny it.

"I'm just not really into war films," I said shrugging.

"It's not just a war film. You've read Heart of Darkness, right?"

"Yes, so?"

"The film is based on that but set in Vietnam instead the Congo," he said in his teacher voice. I still wasn't sure I was in the mood to watch a war film. It had been a heavy week with lots of work deadlines and I was hoping he'd choose a comedy but he looked determined.

"Fine, Apocalypse Now it is. Let's get the popcorn ready," I said sarcastically. Mika rolled his eyes but smirked. The film was actually brilliant with a pretty impressive soundtrack. I didn't even have to say anything; Mika knew I'd enjoyed it and started laughing.

"That was one of my favourite films growing up," he said.

"Personally I liked the Breakfast Club but each to their own," I joked. "So who introduced you to it? It's quite a mature film for a kid to watch." We were both lying on our sides facing each other.

"My dad. He loved war films or anything political. My dad's family on his father's side are Maori. His father lived in a small town and moved to Auckland for work where he met my grandmother."

"Is that where you grew up?"

"Yeah my dad was a rugby coach. That's what got me into the sport. My mum was a teacher."

"Are you close to your parents?"

He paused for a second and said, "My dad died not long after I made it on to the team."

"Oh no, I'm so sorry Mika."

It was quiet for a moment then he added, "He got to see me play. I'm just glad of that. It was one of my proudest moments."

"What about your mum?"

"She remarried. Her husband's nice and he takes good care of her. The kids have been over a couple of times to see her when they were younger but Lucy didn't like New Zealand much. Since she left, I guess there hasn't been a lot of time to visit."

"So the kids don't really see any of their grandparents? That's tough."

"They do alright and I know they all love your mum. Maybe we can invite her here now the house is done. We have plenty of room."

"I think she'd love that. Thank you."

His wavy hair was loose and I was close enough that if I reached out, I could touch it. What would he do if I did? My eyes roamed from his hair to his hazel eyes, which were staring intently at me. As though he was thinking the same thing, he reached out and he gently pushed my hair behind my ear. His touch always left me flustered. I couldn't be in this situation again then have him apologise and tell me I'm such a good friend. Knowing I needed to get out of there rather than let that happen, I sat up to get off the bed and a little too brightly said, "I'd better go. Thanks for film night."

Before I could get up, he grabbed my arm. "We could watch another one. It's still early. If you want to," he said tentatively.

The bed was really comfortable and it was still early so what harm could it do? "Do I get to choose?"

Mika sighed and said, "If you must. Just make it as good a choice as mine." I threw the pillow at him in mock indignation, which he caught and started laughing.

"Alright then. My choice is Pretty in Pink," I said with an overly sweet smile.

"That eighties film with Andrew McCarthy?" he asked.

"Yes. It's one of my favourite films so don't say anything bad and believe me it will be one of yours."

His mouth was turned down in a grimace but he went online and bought the film. I couldn't believe that I was getting big bad Coach Mika Cooper to watch Pretty in Pink with me. That made me smile to myself.

"Just don't tell the boys about this." He knew Daniel, Tane and Matiu would rip into him if they caught him watching an eighties romance. I crossed my heart in a promise then pulled one of the top blankets over me as I snuggled on top of the thick warm duvet. At some point my eyes must have fluttered closed and later started to wake when I felt unbelievably warm. My mouth felt dry like I'd been chewing on socks. I opened my eyes and through my sleep fogged brain wondered why the room was deep green and not white with hints of mint. A warm body was pressed to my back and a giant arm was locked around my waist. Recognition hit me when I saw the tattoos adorning the thick arm and my heart started hammering. I must have fallen asleep last night while watching the film and now Mika was spooning me. From his relaxed breathing I could tell he was still asleep. I wondered whether I should wake him up or just slip out of the bed quietly. We were lying on top of the duvet with just a blanket over us so I was sure I could get out unnoticed. On the other hand, it was really tempting to lie a minute longer and enjoy this moment, which I might not get again. It felt so comforting and right being snuggled into his huge warm body.

My thoughts drifted to what it would be like to wake up like this every day and I couldn't understand how Lucy could've left a man like Mika. He was someone you kept, he was special, not someone you used and walked away from. I felt jealous of the fact that she'd been given everything I would ever want and had still walked away. I put thoughts of Mika's ex-wife aside so I could enjoy this moment. My arm felt dead after sleeping in an awkward position but as I moved it Mika murmured in his sleep and cuddled me tighter. There was no getting out of his vice of a hold and to be honest I didn't want to. Who cared if my heart shattered to pieces later because I was feeding it false hope? Not me, at least not right now. At that moment I just loved being enveloped by his giant body. Breathing in deeply I could smell his woodsy, spicy scent and I wished I could bottle it for later when I was alone in my room. Maybe his sent would be left on my clothes. Admittedly that was a weird thing to think but I wasn't feeling rational at that moment. Letting my mind drift, my hear swelled as I imagined I was his girlfriend, waking up feeling loved and protected in his arms. I would've given anything for that to be true. Of course, it wasn't real and if the kids walked in now and found us like this, they'd be very confused. That thought had me attempting to lift his arm so I could escape quietly.

"What are you doing?" a deep voice grumbled from behind me and pulled me back to him. I hadn't realised Mika had woken up but by the sounds of his voice he wasn't fully awake.

"Mika, we fell asleep watching the film." I whispered.

"What time is it?" he grunted.

I turned around to look at him and sat up slightly leaning on one arm. He was breathtaking even in the morning, which was just not fair. I tried not to stare at him then realised I must look a mess and tried to fix my nest of hair. "Early morning, I think. I was trying to leave before the kids walked in and got the wrong idea," I answered quietly.

"Oh right. Yeah," he mumbled then realised his other arm was still around me. He pulled his arm away quickly and coughed. "Sorry, I'm not used to anyone sharing my bed. I mean. Erm, sorry." He sat up and put hands through his gorgeous messy hair. It was actually quite cute that he was fumbling for words. It was so unlike him.

"I know. I was a bit freaked out too. Sorry I fell asleep in your bed."

"Don't apologise. It's fine," he said sitting up straighter and rubbing his eyes.

"Okay, well I'll get back to my room before they wake up," I whispered again as I tiptoed to the door.

"Right. I'll see you at breakfast." He was rubbing his face as if to wake his brain.

The kitchen had been extended across the new and old section of the house, making it twice the size. When I came down to breakfast everyone was sitting around the large table laughing while Mika was cooking. He looked up and smiled at me affectionately when I came in. As I went to fill the kettle to make a cup of tea my arm brushed against his. It was just for a second but I felt warmth course through me. I was feeling hypersensitive, especially after waking up next to him this morning. If he noticed, he didn't show it. When I reached up for a mug from the cupboard, I nearly combusted as he stood pressed up behind me to get it for me. I sat down at the table with my tea and tried to catch my breath.

"What's up with you?" Matiu asked. "You look all red."

"I do not." The thing about living with a bunch of teenagers and children is that they had no filter so you had to develop a thick skin. They'd tell you what they noticed regardless of how much it might embarrass you.

"Yeah you do look kind of flushed. Are you feeling okay?" Mika asked concerned.

"Really I'm fine." Although when I thought about it, I was feeling a bit hot. I had put it down to waking up in Mika's bed but I was actually feeling a little dizzy.

Mika put his hand to my forehead. "You do feel hot," he said looking concerned.

"I think I might just go and lie down for a bit." I was thinking I probably needed more sleep after going to be late. My legs were a little wobbly on the stairs and it was a relief to get into bed. At least it was the weekend so I didn't have to worry about how the kids would get to school. Two hours later I was woken up by a loud knock on my bedroom door. I felt like I'd been hit by a truck over and over. I didn't even have the energy to ask who it was. Typical Mika didn't wait for a response anyway and burst into the room.

"How are you feeling?" he asked carrying a tray.

"I'm dying," I mumbled. He stuck a thermometer in my mouth and his eyebrows raised.

"You have a temperature. Here take these." He gave me some paracetamol and water then put a cold flannel from the tray on my head. "At a guess I'd say you have flu."

"Go away, you'll catch it," I murmured.

"We always get vaccinated on the team to make sure nobody gets sick. I'll be fine. I'll need to keep the young ones away from you though."

He placed the tray down on the bedside table, put an arm under my legs and the other under my shoulders then lifted me up.

"What are you doing?" I asked.

"Putting you in my bed."

"Why?" I groaned.

"There's a bathroom in there if you need to be sick and I can work from there while looking after you. It's easier. Don't argue."

I didn't have the energy to argue so just I let him carry me. If I was feeling better, I would've enjoyed being carried in his arms but when I felt like I was dying and just needed to be put out of my misery.

"I need to sleep," I grumbled into his t-shirt.

"We're almost there then you can sleep all you like," he said affectionately. His voice was so deep and soothing. He should have been a doctor. Just speaking to patients would have made them feel better. Mika tucked me into his bed and I was out within seconds. I recall waking up to a bowl of soup that evening. I didn't have the strength to eat it and if it was possible, I was feeling even worse than I'd felt that morning. Mika lifted me up so I was sitting up with my back against his front. He held me and fed me a few sips. I couldn't eat more than that as my throat was so sore.

"I know you feel like you terrible but you have to force yourself to eat Hannah. Just a few more mouthfuls. For me, please." His voice sounded concerned. His work was set up on his desk in the room and I wondered if he'd been in there all day with me. I also knew I must've smelled really bad having not had a shower, as I sweating profusely but there was nothing I could do about it. All I could do was flop against him as he gave me more medicine before he laid me back down. I woke up at various points throughout the night and Mika was right there next to me, to hold me, fetch me water or carry me to the bathroom. It was not my best moment but I was so grateful he was there to look after me. I dreaded to think what would have happened if I'd have been living with the children alone.

At one point Kat was at the door asking to come in and I heard Mika explaining to her that I was really sick and that she'd catch it. She said she didn't care and wanted to see me anyway but eventually she agreed to go downstairs when he explained she'd pass it on to the others and make them sick. Days and nights passed but I wasn't sure how many then when the pain and the vomiting eventually subsided, Mika carried me to his bath. He sat me on the side of the huge whirlpool bath which was filled with bubbles. I felt like frail old lady and doubted I could muster the energy to get into the water.

"I need to undress you Hannah. You haven't showered in days."

I just nodded. At this point he'd seen me at my worse, had carried me to the toilet and cleared up my vomit. There was nothing left for me to be embarrassed about. I owed him a lot after this. Holding my arms up I let him to take off my pyjama top. My hands went to my chest as I wasn't wearing a bra. He stood me up so I could take off my bottoms and he attempted to avert his eyes to give me some privacy. This was definitely not my best moment. Feeling sorry for myself, I wanted to cry.

"Do you need me to carry you in?" he asked gently.

I looked at the bath exhausted and knew there was no chance I could get in. "Please," I whispered.

He picked me up gently, obviously ignoring my stench and placed me into the bath. Luckily the bubbles covered me. Mika poured shampoo in my hair and his hands massaged my scalp tenderly. He rinsed then applied conditioner. I was touched that he bothered with conditioner. Using the shower head he smoothed his large hands through my hair. He really knew how to take care of a woman. I still felt sick depleted of energy but at least I was clean. Tears filled my eyes. I was feeling overly emotional and filled with gratitude at how much Mika had taken care of me.

"Hey, what's the matter?" he asked, gently lifting my face so he could see my eyes.

"I just feel so helpless. Apart from my mum nobody has ever looked after me like this."

He smiled at me and said, "You deserve to have someone take care of you Hannah." That made me cry more.

"I think I'm ready to get out," I croaked.

He wrapped a fluffy white towel around me then dried me gently before placing one of his huge t-shirts over my head. After he dried my hair gently with the hairdryer, I felt like I'd run a marathon and was ready to go back to sleep. Mika tucked me into his newly changed bed covers and stroked my hair tenderly. "Thank you Mika."

"You're welcome Hannah," he said and kissed my forehead.

"A woman would be lucky to have you," I mumbled as I was beginning to fall asleep.

After a pause, he whispered, "And any man would be blessed to be with you Hannah. Get some rest."

I started to feel a little better the next day and could eat a meal by myself. The following day I was able to go downstairs after the kids went to school. I was still quarantined until my symptoms had gone, so I had to stay out of their way. Reluctantly, Mika let me go back to my room. I had to do it before I became more attached. That first night in back in my bed felt lonely and I had difficulty sleeping on my own, though it was good to not feel sick anymore. In the middle of the night I heard a light knock on the bedroom door before it opened. It was Mika. "Hey, sorry if I woke you, I just wanted to make sure you're alright." He placed his hand on my forehead. "Your temperature is much better."

"Thanks to you," I said.

"You know it feels weird not having you in my room and vomiting on my bed," he chuckled quietly.

I buried my face in the pillow and groaned. "Please don't remind me. I'm so sorry. I owe you a lot for looking after me. I'll buy you some new bed covers."

"I'm just kidding. I like taking care of you." He stared at me like he wanted to say more then patted my shoulder. "Well, I guess I'll leave you to get some rest."

"You could always lie here with me until I fall asleep. You know, just in case I start to feel sick again." I was milking it but knew I may never get this opportunity again.

"Sure. I can do that," he said looking almost relieved. After closing the bedroom door he got in the bed and spooned me from behind. This was the position we'd spent the past week sleeping in. He pulled me backwards tight against his chest and I melted into his arms. "Sweet dreams Hannah," he whispered into my hair.

"You too," I said before falling asleep.

When I woke the next morning he was gone from the bed. I was feeling a lot better and knew I had a lot of catching up to do with the kids and with work. Somehow I felt different. Before I got sick, I knew I had a crush on Mika but now I was certain I'd fallen in love with him. I was sure he cared for me as more than just a friend. I just didn't know where that left us.

##  **Chapter 12**

"So when do you get here?" my mother asked over the phone.

"On Sunday night. Mika's looking after the kids while I'm away. The training will be for five days and then I have an interview to do while I'm there so I'll be staying at yours for the whole week if that's okay."

"I can't wait to see you love. Your work could have given you more notice though."

"I know. They're always this disorganised. They rarely do this training but when they do it's compulsory. I feel bad leaving the kids for so long. I'm really going to miss them but Daniel and Tane are eighteen so they'll help out."

"How was Mika when you told him you'd be away for a week?"

"He offered to look after the kids right away. He was really good about it mum but he's been a little distant."

"Maybe he's going to miss you," my mother suggested.

"I'll only be gone for a week mum. He'll probably be happy to have the place to himself."

"Well how would you feel if he was away for a week. Wouldn't you miss him?"

"Of course I would but that's different. I'm..."

"In love him?" That was typical of my mother. Always straight to the point.

"How did you know?"

"A mother can always tell these things love. Does he know?"

"No. Of course not. I'm not sure if he sees me as more than a friend. I thought he did but I never know. Life has had so many ups and downs for the kids that I think he just wants stability. He doesn't want anything that will disrupt that. I think that's why he didn't want me dating Connor."

"Really? You think that's the reason he didn't want you dating Connor?"

"Well, yeah. That's the impression I got."

"Oh love. I think he's just as in love with you as you are with him. When I came up last month, he did not act like a friend. He made so much effort with me and that was because of you," my mother said.

"He's just nice mum. That's the way he is. He looks after everybody."

"Well, think what you like honey. I suppose you'll have to see it for yourself."

I tried to steer the conversation back to a comfortable topic. "So, I'll be at yours at about 8pm on Sunday and then I have to be up early for the training each day but at least we'll have the evenings together. It'll be like old times."

"Sounds great love. I'll see you then. Just call me when you're on your way."

"Will do mum. Love you." I said.

The conversation with my mother played on my mind over the next few days as I was making preparations for my week away. Mika was quiet around me and if anything he went out of his way to avoid us having any physical contact.

Kat was sitting on my bed on Saturday night. I was due to leave the next day and I really didn't want to go. I'd considered cancelling but the magazine editor had been so good about me working so far from the office that I felt like I didn't want to push my luck.

"Aunt Hannah will you come back?" Kat asked sadly.

"What? Of course I will. What made you say that?" I asked, shocked.

"I don't know," she sniffled and shrugged her shoulders.

"Hey, listen. I'm just going away to do some training then I'll be back and never go away again. Okay? I'll call you every day, even when you're trying to watch you're TV programmes. You'll be so sick of speaking to me."

"Do you promise?"

"I promise Kat. I'll be back in no time. You'll see," I tried to reassure and hugged her into me tight.

"I'll miss you," she murmured.

"I'll miss you too honey," I said squeezing her tighter.

Amy, Luke, Maia and Niko were in the doorway watching us.

"Hey everyone. What's up?" I asked.

"So you'll really be back?" Luke asked suspiciously.

"Of course I will. A week tomorrow, I'll be back and everything will be back to normal. I'll call every day but you all have my number if you need me. Call or message me any time."

They all still looked sad and I didn't want my last night before I went away to be like this. "Come on, let's go downstairs. It's film night tonight. Let's enjoy our night. Whose turn is it anyway?" I asked putting my arms around them all in a big cuddle. Luke would usually shrug away when I did this but he didn't tonight.

"It's Matiu's," said Maia dubiously, raising an eyebrow.

We all grimaced. "Oh well. Looks like it's a night of guns and girls in short skirts. It could be worse I suppose," I said.

"Yeah it could be a sports film. Be glad it's not Daniel's or Tane's turn," said Amy pulling a face.

As we settled in our usual places to watch the action film Matiu had chosen, Mika was still being distant. "Is everything okay?" I whispered to him.

"Yes. Why wouldn't it be?" he asked quietly. After a moment he said, "So are you all packed?"

"Yes, almost. Thank you so much for taking care of the kids for the week. I really do owe you."

"Don't even say that," he said. "We're family."

I smiled at that. During the film I noticed Mika kept glancing across at me but when I looked back, he turned his gaze returned to the television. There was only Niko between us tonight so Mika had his arm stretched around the both of us. At one point I also felt his fingers playing with the ends of my hair. He was giving off some very mixed signals and I wasn't sure what was going on in his head. I just knew how much loved him. When I got back, I really needed to grow a backbone and finally have a discussion with him about what was going on. Tonight though, I wanted to just enjoy being with my family. Looking around the room at my family, I realised how much I loved them all. I wanted the next week to be over with so I could get back home where I belonged.

The next morning Mika was the only one up as I was leaving really early. I'd said my goodbyes to the kids the night before. We had breakfast together and made small talk about the logistics of taking the kids to school that week and who had projects due in. They were all written on the timetable I'd put up in the kitchen. I put on my coat and grabbed my small suitcase. Mika walked me to the door but before I could open it, he fiercely pulled me in for a tight hug. His arms were huge around me and my face was squashed to his chest. "Come back," he said into my hair.

"What?" I mumbled into his t-shirt. I couldn't believe he thought I wouldn't come back.

He let me go and looked down for a moment then stared into my eyes. "Just make sure you come back."

I held his face tenderly and rubbed his stubble with my thumb. "Mika, of course I'll be back. This is my life, my family. I'll only be gone a week. I promise. It's just stupid training."

He nodded and reached out to touch my face, which he held in both hands and stared down at me. There was wave of emotions crossing his features again and I wasn't sure which emotion it would land on. The one settled on was one of longing. Everything I felt was mirrored in his look. He leaned in slowly and pressed his lips to mine. My legs felt weak and he moved one arm around my back to hold me up against him while the other still held my face. The power of his kiss told me how he much he felt for me without him uttering a word. My phone vibrated to let me know my taxi was outside and he groaned, reluctantly pulling his lips away. He held his forehead to mine with his eyes closed. "When you're back we need to talk," he said.

"Yes. We do," I replied.

"Go before I change my mind and don't let you out that door," he said.

I turned towards the door and picked up my case. When I turned around, his face was so sad that I felt like cancelling the taxi and going back in. If I'd known what would happen while I was away, I would have done just that.

It was strange being back in my old city but it no longer felt like home. My heart was back in my real home with Mika and the kids. I wished they were with me so I could give them a tour of where I grew up. There was a thumping in my heart that wouldn't go away. I'd stopped myself from texting Mika about our kiss that morning as I didn't want to appear desperate. We'd talk next week like he said but I was anxious to know what it meant. It felt like a kiss you would give to someone you loved but I'd have to wait until I saw him again so we could talk properly. This week was going to be one of the longest weeks of my life.

On the positive side it was great to see my mother. She had come to visit us the previous month but I hadn't been to the house where I grew up in over a year. The spare bedroom was set up for me and as I looked at the single bed, I longed for my comfortable double bed back home. That's how spoilt I'd become. As I sat down on the bed, I felt like Dorothy in the Wizard of Oz when she returns home. I could almost pretend the past year hadn't happened, except for that gaping hole in my heart that could only be filled by nine very special people.

The training at work was quite boring and I couldn't wait to get back home. As promised, I called the kids every night. I only got to speak to Mika for a few seconds before one of the kids would grab the phone and tell me about their day. He assured me everything was fine and that he hoped my training was going well. However on Thursday night instead of Mika calling me, it was Daniel.

"Hi Daniel. How is everyone?" I asked. I was excited that I only had two more days until I was back home and couldn't wait to see everyone.

"The bitch is back," he said seriously down the phone.

"Daniel, don't swear. What are you talking about?" I asked, confused.

"Tane's mum. The bitch. She's back," he said. The quiver in his voice told me how upset he was. I was in shock and felt like the ground had been pulled from under me.

"What do you mean Lucy's back? As in she's back in town?" I asked.

"No. I mean she's back and she's living here," he said bitterly. "Why did you have to go? This wouldn't have happened if you'd been here. Everything's ruined."

"Hold on a second Daniel. I know you're upset but I need you to explain to me what's happening. You're telling me Lucy is back and she's in our house?"

"Yes. That's what I'm saying. She turned up this morning. Her and Coach were locked away talking in the dining room for ages then the next thing we knew she was moving in."

"No, he wouldn't just let her move in. What has Mika said about this? Why is she back?"

"Aunt Hannah, I'm telling you, she's moved back in. She brought her suitcase and she's in one of the spare rooms. Coach is arranging a family meeting but he said he's going to call you to let you know what's happening. What does this mean for us? Tane hates her guts. This is going to tear the family apart." He was shrieking down the phone and I'd never heard him sound more panicked, even when he was arrested.

"Alright, listen Daniel I need you to calm down. Can you do that for me? You're eighteen now so you're a grown up and the younger ones are going to be worried so I need you to reassure them okay? I'll speak to work and tell them I can't go in tomorrow and there's been a family emergency. I'm going to book a train ticket but I may not be able to get one until tomorrow morning. Don't worry I'll get to the bottom of this."

His voice was little calmer now. "Okay Hannah. I'll try."

"Thanks Daniel. I'll try and get hold of Mika and I'll see you tomorrow."

I laid my phone on my lap in disbelief as I sat on the bed in shock. My mother was at the bedroom door looking at me with concern.

"I think Mika's ex-wife's back and she's living with us." I said in a flat voice.

"Oh love are you sure? That doesn't make sense. Not after everything that's happened."

I couldn't believe it myself but I repeated what Daniel had told me. Mika hadn't answered my calls or text messages. I contacted work and booked a train for the next morning. My stomach was in knots with worry as I wasn't sure what I was going to face when I got back. I got the earliest train back so it was just after seven in the morning when I arrived home.

Trying to keep quiet so I didn't wake anyone up, I quietly opened the front door then gently deposited my suitcase in the hall as a waft of bacon hit me. There was a low murmuring in the kitchen and as I walked in, I was shocked at what I saw. Mika was sitting at the table and eating breakfast with a very slim, pretty brunette, who from my internet stalking I recognised was Lucy. They weren't laughing and joking but looked more serious however they weren't arguing either. Lucy had just said something which I didn't hear then reached out and patted his hand. I coughed to catch their attention and Mika looked up at me in shock. A look of guilt shot across his features which was then replaced by a stubborn expression I hadn't seen in a long time.

"Hannah, I wasn't expecting you home until tomorrow," he said gruffly.

Lucy narrowed her eyes at me and it wasn't lost on me that she'd not yet let go of his hand. Mika must have realised and quickly pulled his hand away, looking slightly conflicted.

"I got a call from Daniel last night to tell me we had a new guest. I called and sent you texts but I never got a reply," I said with a tone of accusation in my voice.

"Sorry I forgot to check my phone. There was a lot going on last night," he said guiltily. "I had to settle the kids down. Erm, this is Lucy my ex-wife."

"We're not divorced remember Mika, so I'm not exactly the ex-wife," she giggled and looked at me triumphantly.

He closed his eyes and then looked at me with regret before he said to her, "You left six years ago. We haven't seen you since then so yes you're my ex."

I folded my arms across my chest with my mouth set. Usually I made an effort to be polite to people I met. Even when Mika had started going out with Carla, I made an effort because she was nice and because he deserved to be happy. In my mind however Lucy was an abomination and the way she was looking at me with that smug smile had my hackles rising.

"So what brings you back into town Lucy?" I asked.

"Well, I know I shouldn't have left the way I did but I was in a mess. I had a breakdown but I've sorted my life out now and I'm in a good place where I feel I can finally be a good mother to the kids." Her false remorse got on my nerves but what annoyed me even more was Mika seemed to be falling for it. I lifted an eyebrow sardonically. It was a look that Mika knew well and he coughed in frustration.

"Hannah, Lucy and I had a good talk last night. She really is sorry for what has happened and I can kind of understand the stress she was going through."

"Really? So that's it? Everything is just forgotten?" I asked cynically.

"No of course not. Obviously, Lucy and I are not the way we were but she has a right to see the kids. I would never stop them seeing their mother."

"What about what she did to you? Is that forgiven?" I asked bitterly.

Lucy jumped in to defend herself. "I already explained to Mika what happened with that. I was in a vulnerable place and that was taken advantage of."

Mika's face was red and I could tell he felt embarrassed speaking about these things with the both of us.

"From what I heard you ran off to the person who could give you the rich celebrity lifestyle you always wanted. It didn't sound like you were so vulnerable to me," I shouted.

"Hannah. That's enough," Mika admonished. "You really don't know anything about it. You weren't there. I was no picnic back then and the kids were a handful." I couldn't believe he was defending her and taking her side against me.

In a sickly-sweet voice Lucy added, "Mika has told me that you've been a very good friend to him and I know you've done a lot for the kids but I'm here now. You can relax and live your own life. You have your own kids to worry about." Her patronising tone made me want to smack her in the mouth but I had a sickly feeling Mika would take her side. It really hurt that he would be so easily sucked back in to her lies and just forget about me.

Then her earlier comment occurred to me. "You're still married?" I asked Mika incredulously.

"I didn't know where she was so I just never filed for divorce," Mika said, his face reddening with guilt. He'd kissed me knowing he was still married and failed to mention it. Now I was the one who felt betrayed. I could barely look at him I was so angry. I could tell he was torn as the feelings he had for Lucy were not completely gone. After all he'd been in love with her and heartbroken when she left.

"So what exactly has been decided?" I asked, trying to remain calm.

"Lucy has nowhere to stay. She has no family in town and we have plenty of room so I've agreed that she can stay here for a while until she finds her own place. That way the kids will have a chance to get to know her."

My heart was being snapped apart and I felt like crying but this was Mika's house. We weren't in a relationship as it had never been given a chance to get that far despite how much I loved him. I was a tenant but I had no right to tell him who could live in his house.

"What about the kids? What have they said about this? Is this really what's best for them? I know Tane's not happy," I said.

"Tane's hot-heated but he'll come around," Mika answered stiffly.

"And the others?" I asked.

"Listen sweetie, I know you've been here to help out but I'm back now. This really is none of your business. This is family business," said Lucy haughtily.

"Lucy stop. Hannah is family. Hannah, her kids and our kids, we are a family." Mika looked glared at her across the table and she looked a little taken aback by his terse tone.

Her eyes shot across to me as though assessing the situation and then in that sweet voice she said, "I understand you got close to Josh and you feel you have a duty Mika but I just meant our blood family as in us and our children."

"I have an extended family now Lucy. Things have changed and you have to understand that." I was glad that he at least acknowledged our family but there was no mention of our relationship. Placing me as a member of the family, like a sister or a cousin, told me where I now stood with him. Lucy pouted a little and then smiled at him. Her teeth were straight and white like a film star. In my bitchy thoughts I wondered who'd paid for those.

"I know this won't be easy but I'm sure we can make this work." Mika was speaking to me with pleading with his eyes, telling me not to create more drama. "This is a temporary arrangement until Lucy finds a place of her own."

Lucy narrowed her eyes at me and pursed her lips. She wasn't happy at the mention of it being temporary. I shook my head sadly. It wasn't as though I had any choice in the matter. I hugely jealous and confused that Mika was still married and had his wife living with us. However, I was also sick with fear not knowing what the future held for the kids or me. I walked away from them, fists clenched, defeated and already feeling like an outsider.

##  **Chapter 13**

While Mika had promised that Lucy living with them was just a temporary measure, four weeks later she was still there. They had been the worst four weeks of my life and I'd never felt heartbreak like it. It took Matiu, Maia and Niko a little getting used to but now they were delighted to have their mother back. Lucy was acting like the perfect mother and housewife tending to their every need as well as Mika's. Even Tane who refused to speak to his mother at first was slowly starting to forgive her.

In the beginning Mika had been apologetic about the set-up but he now seemed comfortable with her living there. All the while all I could do was watch their family getting back together while mine was falling apart. Daniel was annoyed at Tane for forgiving his mother and I'd overheard them arguing. Amy was jealous that Maia now had a mother and a father while Luke had retreated into himself again. Kat clung to my side as though something bad might happen at any minute. I knew how she felt because I felt it too. In fact I'd never felt so unsure of the future and how to proceed.

Mika and Lucy were growing closer and there was nothing I could do about it. It didn't help that she flaunted her amazing body at every opportunity, leaving him in no doubt that it was his if he wanted it. She was always reminding him of the great times they shared together. It was manipulative and my scowling had only caused Mika to distance himself from me. He'd kept up the pretence of the family meals each evening but they were strained and though I tried to hide it, I felt unwanted. I think my kids did too. Mika continued to cook but where I used to join him in the kitchen, Lucy now helped.

When I came downstairs one night, I could hear them laughing in the kitchen. While I was feeling sick to my stomach with worry, they were rekindling their romance. "You know Mika, it's really sad that she doesn't have a boyfriend. I mean who's going to take on a woman with four kids? It's not like she makes an effort to get out there or dress up. She just sits in that room. Maybe you should encourage her to go out. For her own sake. It would also give us a bit of time on our own just to talk properly."

Mika replied, "Leave her alone Lucy. She doesn't need a man in her life right now. There's too much going on with the children. Amy's been playing up at school and Daniel looks like he's ready to hit someone. She needs to focus on the kids."

I was annoyed that they were talking about my life behind my back like I didn't even exist. "Well it's not like she can live here forever. I mean, what about when the kids grow up. She's going to need her own place then."

"Leave it Lucy. I'm not discussing this," Mika said sternly. "I mean it. I don't want to hear any more talk of Hannah leaving."

"Fine. It's just really weird that's all. I mean, let me ask you this. If she wasn't here would you be with me right now?"

"Not this again Lucy. You've been back four weeks. It's too soon. We need to just focus on the kids right now."

"Admit it though. You're still attracted to me Mika. I know deep down you still love me and you still want me." Her voice was soft like velvet and wanted to choke her with it.

"Don't ask me that Lucy," he said in a low voice. "Of course you're beautiful and I've always been attracted to you. In some ways I've always loved you. I was heartbroken when you left but it's only been a month. A lot has happened while you've been away."

I doubled over in anguish like I'd been kicked in the stomach. Mika's words to Lucy tore me apart. Not only was he still attracted to her but he'd always been in love with her, even when he kissed me.

"You see. The only thing standing in the way is her. She has no right to stop you being happy and bringing our family back together." There was silence. Mika didn't argue with her so I knew he must have been of the same opinion. I'd lost him and I didn't know where I was supposed to turn.

Tears stung the back of my eyes as we sat around the dinner table that evening. Lucy shot me sour looks when Mika wasn't looking and then smiled when his gaze met with hers. She looked beautiful in some designer dress, which was of course low cut while I had on my leggings and a casual top. I knew I wasn't doing myself any favours by not dressing up but I just didn't have the energy to try and compete. Mika looked across to me with his eyebrows furrowed in concern. Kat was sitting next to me and rubbed my hand under the table. My leg was shaking with nerves.

"Are you alright Aunt Hannah?" she whispered. Sometimes I wished she wasn't so perceptive. I think it came from all the trauma she'd been through at losing her dad at such a young age. Although I nodded and tried to smile at her reassuringly, I could feel the tears were forcing their way forward and the stabbing in my chest made it difficult to breathe. I was sitting at a table with the man that I loved knowing that he loved another woman. Somehow I'd trapped myself in this house and I knew it wasn't healthy for any of us for me to stay here.

Mika narrowed his eyes at me but then Lucy caught his attention. "So, the plans for my shop are almost through. I have a wholesaler that sells designer wear who wants to work with me so the boutique should be open in the next few months."

"Wow, that's fantastic Lucy. Well done. If there's one thing you know about, it's fashion," Mika said encouragingly. Lucy beamed at him as I glared at my cheap leggings at that moment. My hands were clasped in my lap anxiously and I felt my face flame in embarrassment at my appearance. Without realising I was doing it, I stood up and walked away from the table.

"Hannah? Are you okay?" Mika shouted behind me.

"She's fine. Leave her Mika. You're not her father or big brother. She's a grown woman," Lucy giggled. "Anyway, I want to tell you about these plans," I heard her say as I ran up to my room. I felt like a teenager storming upstairs to cry on my bed. Lucy was right earlier; my room was where I spent most of my nights. I avoided the rest of the house where possible. If the kids wanted help with their homework, they came to see me in my room. I knew I was being a coward but I couldn't face seeing Mika and Lucy getting closer, playing happy family together. Later that night after I tucked Kat into bed and chatted to Amy in her room, I walked past the living room to get a drink and my heart shredded further. Mika was sitting on the couch with Lucy. Niko was nestled between them and Mika's arm was around them both, as it had been with me just weeks ago. Matiu and Maia sat on beanbags on the floor laughing at the film they were all watching together. I stood outside the doorway and looked on at the perfect family scene. It was then that I realised that's what they were, a family. I wasn't part of this. Even my kids were not part of this. We didn't belong there. As though he could sense me watching, Mika turned around and saw me. His gaze flicked to Lucy then back to me and he looked guilty. He removed his arm from behind Niko and Lucy then nodded his head for me to come and join them. I retreated further from the door and Lucy turned to smile at me, gloating and I knew I'd lost. Not only had I lost Mika but I'd lost the joint family we'd built together. I knew I needed to move my family out of that house, I just didn't know how to do it.

On Thursday that week Mika, Lucy and Maia were having breakfast together when I came down. All the others were upstairs getting ready for school. "Remember when Maia was born how happy we were to have a little girl after having the boys," Lucy said to Mika and he nodded, smiling fondly at the memory.

Then Lucy said to Maia, "We wanted it to be a surprise so we only had lemon and white clothes. As soon as I was out of the hospital, we were out buying pink everything. You were such a beautiful baby. You have your dad's complexion. Those dresses looked so beautiful on you."

"Did I cry a lot or was I a good baby?" Maia asked, loving hearing stories about herself as a baby.

"Not really. I don't think you cried a lot. Although we had a nanny to help me with you back then because I was so tired." What she failed to mention was that she'd left Maia with the nanny most of the time because she couldn't even face the responsibility of feeding her own baby. If it was post-natal depression, I would've had sympathy but she still managed to go out to brunch with her friends and parties on a regular basis. In fact from what Mika had told me she was hardly in. She'd wanted the pretence of a happy family life without the responsibility of being a mother. I shook my head in disgust at her version of the story as I made my coffee.

Lucy looked like she was in a photo shoot in her short pink silk nightdress which showed off her surgically enhanced cleavage and her golden tanned legs. Her hair was in shiny dark ringlets over one shoulder. She was stunning. Her make-up was perfect and made her blue eyes pop. It was impossible to look that perfect of a morning. Begrudgingly I looked down at my warm fleecy pyjamas which had monkeys on them and matching monkey slippers. I looked like a kid. My hair was its typical nest and I could just about see through my puffy sleep-deprived eyes.

I could feel Mika's eyes on me as I poured my cereal into a bowl, like he wanted to speak to me but didn't know how. Turning slightly I briefly met his gaze. He looked a little lost but I couldn't help him through this. He was making his own bed. We'd hardly been alone together for more than a few minutes since Lucy moved in. I was under no illusion by now that she was there to stay and there was nothing I could do about it. After all, she was still his wife and I'd been demoted to just the lodger. He now spent that time with Lucy. I'd literally been replaced. It made me feel used and angry. I held on to the anger as it was what I needed to get us out of there.

Lucy caught Mika staring and interrupted. "Have you forgotten what Saturday is Mika?"

He looked confused for a second and then his eyes widened when it dawned on him. "Our wedding anniversary," he croaked.

"Yes. It will be 19 years," she sighed. I wanted to tear her hair out. She was acting as though she'd been here the whole time and hadn't left her family heartbroken for six of those years. "We should celebrate. Me and you should go out for a meal for old times' sake."

"I'm not sure Lucy," Mika said. "I mean we have the kids. I just don't think it's fair."

"Oh come on Mika. It'll be fun. Hannah will watch the children won't you Hannah?" she said smiling as though we were best friends.

"Sure. Why not? I have nothing else to do. Plus it'll get me out of my bedroom," I said sarcastically, slamming my coffee cup down.

Mika looked at me with that conflicted look, then Lucy grabbed his hand to draw his attention and raised her eyebrows waiting for an answer. Sounding unsure, he replied, "Sure, why not. If it's fine with everyone else." Again he looked at me. I wasn't sure if he was looking at me for permission or to get him out of it but this was on him. He was being spineless either way and it just annoyed me.

I decided to get out of the house the next day. Mika and the kids were all at school so I didn't want to be stuck in with Lucy, who was apparently still sorting out her business plan. There was a strange atmosphere when I got served in the local coffee shop where I regularly went to do work. Ruth, the middle-aged part-owner of the shop, was serving today and acting unusually cold. She'd lived in the town all her life and knew Mika well so she'd always been very friendly.

"How are you today Ruth?" I asked concerned when she didn't greet me with her usual smile.

"Oh I'm fine," she said snootily. "I can't say that about everyone though. I heard Lucy is back in town and is working hard to try to get her family back together but there are certain people standing in her way." She looked pointedly at me.

I was shocked and didn't know what to say for a second. Eventually I found my tongue. "I'm not sure what you've heard but if you're implying I'm standing in their way, you're very much mistaken." Not that it was any of her business.

"So why are you still living with them? They're a family. You have a family of your own."

I took a deep breath to prevent me tipping the tray of blueberry muffins over her head. Living in this town had seriously given me some anger issues. "Mika, myself and our children are a family."

"Yes but I mean a real family. Those kids need their mother. You must see that." People in this town also had seriously short memories. They conveniently forgot Lucy had abandoned her family.

"Is my cappuccino ready?" I asked cutting the conversation short. I didn't want to hear what people thought about me. I had enough to worry about. Ruth handed me my coffee without another word and I sat near the back of the coffee shop. I noticed the other patrons were looking at me. Some with sympathy and some with judgement. Something I could not get used to about small towns was the way everybody knew everyone's business. In a city it was much more anonymous. I would've left but I didn't want to go home with Lucy there and I guessed the other coffee shops would be pretty much the same. An hour into my work, I felt a shadow over me. When I looked up there was a huge smile beaming down at me. Carla always had the ability to make me feel better even when she was going out with my crush at the time.

"Hi Hannah, how's it going?" she said sitting down opposite me.

"Oh fine," I answered in a sombre voice and she narrowed her eyes at me. "Have you moved back to town?"

"No, I'm just visiting with my fiancé Peter. We're just here for a couple of days. He's a property developer so he travels meaning we can't stay for too long." She rolled her eyes but her whole demeanour and the smile on her face told me she was madly in love.

"Wow, fiancé? I didn't realise. Congratulations. That's great Carla." I was genuinely delighted for her as she deserved to be happy.

"Thank you. When I moved away, I realised the whole Mika thing was never going to be anything more than friendship. It's strange how when I got that distance, I could move on. It's been a whirlwind but I really love Peter. It seemed to happen out of nowhere. One minute we were working on this building project together and the next we were engaged. Well, kind of." Carla giggled and it made me smile. "I heard Lucy is back in town," she said with a frown.

"You heard right," I answered with a tight smile.

"So what does she want?" she asked.

"To be a mother again to the kids, so she says and she's made it clear she wants Mika back too."

"Is she serious? After what she did to him and the children? What's Mika said about it?" she asked incredulously.

"Well, she's living with us and they're going out to celebrate their nineteenth wedding anniversary tomorrow, so I'm guessing he's still in love with her." I bit my lip in annoyance.

Carla's jaw dropped in surprise. "No way. Let me tell you this. That guy loves you Hannah. I grew up with Lucy and she has always dazzled people with her charm but it'll wear off because she can never hide her true personality. Listen, I moved away because I finally realised after all this time that I would never have Mika's heart. Do you know why? Because it already belongs to you. It's cheesy I know but it's true. That's why I left."

It was my turn to be surprised. "No, he just sees me as a friend and not even that at the moment. I admit before Lucy came back, I thought we could be something more but now it's all changed. She'll always be there and he'll never be over her."

"That's a cop out Hannah. Anyone with eyes can see he loves you. He's probably confused and knowing him he's probably trying to do what he thinks is best for the children."

I shook my head. "He's different now Carla. He's not the same as before. Honestly, I feel like I'm an intruder in our home. She's split our families apart and Mika's just going along with it. I can't say anything about it because he gets annoyed and most of the time, he just ignores me. She was supposed to be there temporarily while she found somewhere to live in town but that hasn't transpired. Now she's apparently opening a fashion boutique in town and wants Mika to invest in it. She's waiting for paperwork or something and I think he might actually do it." I didn't know Carla all that well but for some reason I trusted her enough to tell her what had been happening plus I needed to get it off my chest before I burst.

Carla looked suspicious. "So where's this business going to be? There aren't any free spaces in town."

"I'm not sure but one of the shops I think. I've got a bad feeling about it and I want to tell Mika not to invest without seeing all the paperwork first but I just don't think he would listen to me anymore."

"Peter has lots of friends in the property business. I'll see if he can check whether there are any plans for a new shop in the village."

"You don't have to do that. You don't owe us anything, especially seeing as you left town because of us."

"Yes, I had a crush on Mika for years and care about him a lot but the only woman worthy of losing him to is you. I'm certainly not willing to let Lucy take advantage of him. Before we were dating he was a good friend for a long time and I saw the damage she did to him and the children. I'd hate to see that happen again."

"Thanks Carla. You know, I felt that too. You're the only woman worthy of losing him to as well."

"See, we have too much in common," she joked sadly. "I'm in town for a couple of days I'll see what digging I can do."

"Thank you."

"In the meantime. Don't give up. Remind him what he's missing and don't let him be blinded by her. You're beautiful Hannah, inside and out. I know you probably don't even realise that but you are and he knows you are." She touched my hand in reassurance and I felt like crying at her kind words. It was difficult to concentrate on my work after that so I found myself searching online for all the information I could about Lucy and her recent movements. The conversation with Carla made me suspicious about her real motives for returning, especially seeing as she was asking Mika to invest money. I'd stopped myself doing this before out of respect for Mika but that niggling feeling that she wasn't telling him everything made me investigate. Initial searches didn't reveal much. She'd apparently been with a couple of well-known boyfriends since splitting up with Mika and was seen as a bit of a socialite. The latest one appeared to have been a footballer of a fairly well-known team. There was no mention of any plans to set up a fashion business however.

I logged on my magazine photo archive and searched Lucy by name but nothing came up, so I put in her latest boyfriend's name. There was a photo of them both pictured together at an event just the week before she arrived back in town. They looked perfectly happy together. In the next three photos of them they were kissing and cuddling on a sofa at the party, looking very much like a couple. It was the next photo that made me gasp. Lucy was pictured at the event with none other than Anna Lewis and her husband. In the next couple of photos Lucy and Anna appeared to be laughing together like they were old friends. Maybe they actually were old friends, after all everyone in this town did seem to know each other. I saved the photos on to my data stick even though I wasn't sure what I was going to do with them or what they meant.

Later that evening Mika, Lucy and their three younger kids were sitting in the living room watching television as I walked up to my room. It made me feel like an outsider. Even though they were still in separate bedrooms I knew it wouldn't be long before they were back together. Kat and Amy joined me so I could help them with their homework. We were snuggled on my bed with my thick mint blankets wrapped around us and a plate of chocolate digestives in the middle to keep us energised, which were leaving crumbs all over the duvet. I knew those crumbs would stick to me later when I went to bed but I didn't care. At moments like this when I looked down at my girls happily concentrating on their school work I almost forgot about the despair I was feeling over Lucy and Mika. I checked my laptop and noticed there was an email from Carla. It confirmed that there were no business properties in town coming up for rent or sale in the near future. Her fiancé's contacts knew the owners of all the businesses in town and confirmed there were no plans for any properties to be converted into a fashion boutique. There was also no business listed in Lucy's name even though she'd given the impression it had already been set up and she was just waiting to move into a shop space. Mika needed to know about this but I had to pick a moment when he was on his own, which was no longer very often. I was almost certain he was being swindled somehow and I had to tell him. When I went to bed I tossed and turned all night, worried about how I would break it to him.

The next morning I was up before everyone else. I had my laptop on the dining table with the photos ready to show Mika the email from Carla. He wouldn't be happy with my snooping but at least he'd know the truth. As I couldn't sleep I'd got up early, dressed, put my makeup on and even curled my long hair. I needed a confidence boost to prepare me for this battle. Mika stomped down the stairs as I was making coffee. I turned around and he stood in the kitchen doorway in shorts and t-shirt he wore to bed. His sleepy eyes looked confused for a second then they looked me up and down. He coughed and asked grumpily, "How come you're up so early?"

I shouldn't have been surprised I'd be greeted with surly Mika this morning. He could be an ogre before he had breakfast.

"I couldn't sleep," I said dismissively, not quite ready to tell him yet. Maybe it would be best to wait until he'd had his breakfast and he'd be in a better mood.

"Why not? You stressed about work or something?" he mumbled as he opened the cupboard and picked out the carton of eggs before heading to the fridge for the bacon.

I took a deep breath. This was the moment. I had to do it now or I knew I'd lose the nerve once Lucy was up. "Actually yes, something is stressing me out but it's not work." He looked over at me and lifted an eyebrow waiting for me to elaborate. I took another deep breath to calm my nerves. "I need to show you something Mika."

"What is it?" he asked suspiciously.

I brought my laptop over to the breakfast bar and placed it in front of him, my heart racing with nerves. "I'm going to show you something but I want you to know that I'm not showing you to hurt you. I just want you to know the truth before things get serious again. I don't want you or the kids to get hurt," I said. This was the man I loved and I didn't want to see his heart broken again.

"Show me what?" he asked, getting more annoyed.

I clicked on the photos of Lucy and the footballer kissing. "These were taken the week before Lucy came back to town."

His mouth dropped open in surprise and his face paled then he clenched his jaw and narrowed his eyes at me. "What are you trying to do Hannah?" he growled. As his eyes drifted to the photos he flinched.

"I just wanted you to know the truth," I said.

"What? That Lucy was with a man before she came back to town. It's not like we were together or anything." I couldn't believe he was defending her.

"It's not just that. This business that she wants you to invest in that she says is all set up, well there's no record of it anywhere Mika. She's not listed as a business owner and there are no businesses being set up in town in the near future." I showed him the email from Carla and he looked shocked then his face turned red with anger.

"You've been gossiping with Carla about this?" he shouted. "Is there something wrong with you? So what, everyone's trying to prove that I'm stupid, is that it?"

"No. Of course not. We're just trying to protect you and the kids. I love you Mika and I don't want to see you get hurt."

"You love me? Are you nuts?" he shouted. "You wait until my wedding anniversary to tell me all this and that you're protecting me, that you love me? After all this time. You tell me that now."

"It slipped out; I couldn't help but say it. It's true. I've loved you for a long time." I'd shocked myself by admitting it but I couldn't take it back.

"So this is all because you're jealous?"

"No, that's not it. Look it doesn't even matter why I told you. The point is you're being taken for a ride. I don't want to see that happen."

"I'm not your concern Hannah." His words were like a slap to the face. "Lucy was right. You need to get your own man and stop interfering in my life. I'm not your husband."

I felt sick at his rejection but I couldn't give up. "At least think about it rationally Mika. Where exactly is this boutique being set up? Ask her."

"Ask me what?" Lucy was standing in the doorway with her glossy dark curls, wearing her signature short silk nightdress that showed off her tanned legs and her perky chest. She was holding an envelope and what looked to be a vintage bottle of Scotch Whisky in Mika's favourite brand. She gave Mika a bright smile as she handed him the card and the bottle. "Happy anniversary Mika," she said bashfully.

He turned his frown into a slight smile for her. "Erm, thanks. You remembered my favourite brand. I didn't get you anything." He looked sheepish. I was ready to burst with rage. Not only had he forgiven her for walking out on him and their children for six years but even after the news I'd just given him he was feeling bad for not getting her a present.

"It's okay baby. I didn't expect anything. I know I've got a lot of making up to do," she added, stroking his arm seductively as he smiled down at her. The pair of them forgot I was in the room for a minute and both scowled when they turned to me.

"So what was it you wanted to ask me?" Lucy asked Mika sweetly.

"Nothing. It's fine. Let's just try and enjoy today," he said.

"Really?" I asked. "You're not even going to ask her why there's no record of her having set up any business in town? You're not going to ask her why she was pictured with that footballer just a week before she came back here? Not only that but she was really cosy with Anna Lewis like they were best friends."

Lucy looked a little shocked then quickly recovered and plastered on her usual fake smile. "Well I'm not sure why my business is not listed yet. The paperwork has been done so I'm just waiting for it to go through. It's my first shop so I'm not really sure how it works," she added widening her eyes innocently. "Those pictures. I admit that was an ex-boyfriend from a while ago and he was a bit obsessed with me. It was a charity event and he wouldn't leave me alone. I didn't want to make a scene so I just went along with it."

"What by putting your tongue down his throat?" I asked incredulously.

"Hannah, stop!" shouted Mika.

"It was a mistake but I wasn't living with anyone else then," she said in a high-pitched voice that was so sweet it could make your teeth rot.

"So what about Anna Lewis? You do realise her son got Tane and Daniel arrested."

"I didn't know that at the time and from I've heard since, I see her son's problem is with Daniel not Tane. I've known her a long time and she was at the party so I chatted to her. What's so wrong with that? Why is this any of your business anyway?"

Both of them looked at me disapprovingly. Mika did not look impressed with me involving myself in their affairs.

"I want what's best for Mika and the kids. I don't want to see him get hurt," I said.

"Mika is a big grown man and can more than handle himself. He's not a boy you know," she said stroking his arm. His chest seemed to inflate at this and I knew she had him. His ego was his weakness and there was no way he'd stand for a woman trying to save him.

"She's right Hannah. You've gone too far. Leave this alone," he said.

"Mika. Are you blind? Can't you see what she's doing? Can't you see you're being taken for a ride? Open your eyes," I said. He clenched his jaw at my words.

"Why is she speaking to you like a child Mika? I've never seen you let anyone speak to you like that." Lucy was really playing to his ego and her manipulation was working. "I just don't know how you can cope living with someone who tries to tell you what to do like that. She should be grateful for everything you've done to help her. I've done nothing but try to be friendly, even though there is another woman living with my husband," she said, like was really hurting her. I kept a tight hold of my laptop to stop myself from tearing her hair out.

"I know it's been hard love," Mika said to her. His tender words to Lucy broke my heart. "But I'd do anything for Josh's kids." So he was just letting me live here for the children now? I didn't matter to him anymore.

"I know Mika but you can still help the children without the need to have everyone living under the same roof. Extended families don't live together Mika. You have to admit this is a strange set-up."

He shook his head. "No, I love those kids like they were my own and they come as a package." He looked at me annoyed.

"Do you love Hannah as well Mika?" she asked with fake tears in her eyes. That was a bold move and I my stomach clenched waiting for his answer.

"It's not like that between us. We're friends," he implored.

"Friends? That's all we are?" I asked.

"Yes that's all we are," Mika said but would not look me in the eye when he said it.

Lucy grabbed his hand. "But yesterday you told me you've always loved me. Is that right?"

He pushed his hands through his hair, looked at me quickly and then looked back at Lucy. "I suppose I always have in some way. I was in love with you when you left."

"So you see Hannah. Mika loves me. I love him. You don't belong here. He won't kick you out so why don't you do the right thing and leave. Why don't you let us piece our family back together without you causing trouble for us. The kids need their mother and Mika needs his wife back." I couldn't believe how brazen she was being.

"You know what, you're unbelievable. After everything you've done. You have a nerve to come back now and disrupt their lives. You're a bad mother and nothing you can do will change that. You don't care about anyone but yourself."

"Hannah, do not go there. Stop it. Now. Like I said this is none of your business," said Mika sternly, defending Lucy.

"You're not wanted here Hannah," Lucy stated. "The sooner you realise that the better. You're making a fool of yourself."

I looked to Mika to see if he would defend me as he did Lucy but he just put his head down. Lucy looked at me smugly. She'd won this battle and I was devastated. I'd lost him and I knew I had to leave that house before I lost all of my dignity. I turned on my heel and stormed out of the kitchen. When I got to my room, I couldn't help but cry like a teenage girl. I had to get myself together for the sake of the children. When I could cry no more, I was angry but I had to force myself to think rationally. At least Mika and Lucy were both out that night for their anniversary meal so I didn't have to watch them together. I could have refused to babysit but then they would have been in the house celebrating and I'd rather they were out. It was childish but I refused to go downstairs before they left.

Despite my gut feeling that Lucy was deceiving Mika, I couldn't do more than I had to warn him. I'd humiliated myself in the process. The annoyed look he gave me after I told him I loved him had crushed me and would stay with me forever. Then he followed it up by admitting he'd always loved Lucy. I'd been such a fool but not anymore. The summer holidays were coming up so my plan of action would be easier to carry out then but I needed help.

"Hi Carla," I said over the phone, trying to sound light and breezy but I knew my voice was wavering. I was standing in the garden so the children wouldn't hear me.

"Hi Hannah. Did you tell him? How did it go?" she asked concerned.

"Not well. He doesn't believe she's doing anything bad. He's in love with her Carla. I told him I loved him and he was angry. Then Lucy got him to admit he'd always loved her. She told me I needed to leave and he didn't say anything."

"Oh no sweetie. That's awful. That doesn't sound like Mika at all," she said.

"He's changed Carla. This is not the Mika that I knew and fell for or maybe it is. Maybe this is the real him before he had his heart broken. I don't know. I'm too tired of fighting for this, for us to be a big family. It's not going to happen and I need to get out but I need your help."

"Are you sure about this Hannah?" she asked.

"I'm sure. I need to find somewhere else for me and my kids to live and I wanted to ask if you could help. You know with your fiancé's property contacts?" I was almost begging her.

"Yes of course, I'll help. It's just so sad that it's come to this but I can understand why you have to do it. So where would you be looking to move to?"

"I'm going to go back home to my city and back to my life. I just need to find a five-bedroom house to rent." My voice was quivering now.

"I'll ask and see what I can do. Just hang in there okay. You can get through this."

"Carla. Thank you so much. When my head's in a better place I need to thank you for being such a lovely person."

"You just did Hannah. Listen, you took on the four kids of a brother who wanted nothing to do with you when he was alive. You gave up everything to be with them. You've tried your best for everyone. You're the one who should be thanked for that. I hope someone says that to you at some point."

"Thank you," I whispered. I couldn't hold the tears back now. I dropped to my knees on the grass and held my stomach in anguish. The pain was so intense as I thought of everything I was losing but I knew it had to be done.

Unfortunately I was still awake in my bed when Mika and Lucy came home. Their giggling like teenagers made me feel sick but at least they went to their separate rooms. I hoped I'd be out of the house before they started sharing a room again. Over the next few days I managed to avoid them. I'd come down while they were out shopping together with their kids and would go back upstairs before they got home. I was angry that it was not only me that had been banished but my kids as well. Amy, Kat and even Luke were camped in my room watching Anchor Man for the millionth time later that week. It was the first time we'd laughed together in weeks and I knew we'd get through this mess. My head had been clouded by Mika but I needed to focus on the children.

The bedroom door was ajar and when I looked up, I saw Mika standing there watching us. He looked a little guilty and said, "You know you can sit downstairs with us. You don't have to sit up here."

I didn't want to argue with him in front of the kids but they wouldn't look at Mika. They'd felt the brunt of subtly being left out of the family activities as well and I knew they were hurt. I was spending as much time with them as possible to make up for it. Politely with as much of a smile as I could muster, I replied, "Thanks but we're okay here."

Mika's eyes drifted across to Luke, Amy and Kat who were still not looking at him and his eyebrows furrowed. After a pause he said gently, "Well if you change your mind. You're more than welcome."

"Thanks. That's good to know," I smiled falsely at him again. It was obvious that we were not welcome at all and it made me mad that he pretended we were.

"Is everything okay Mika?" I heard Lucy ask from the hallway in that syrupy voice. It was like she had a radar. Whenever he spoke to me, she was always there. "What's she saying now?" I heard her complain.

"Nothing," Mika said, trying to appease her.

"Oh, well come downstairs. You're missing the best bit of the film."

The kids all looked at me and rolled their eyes. To break the tension I volume on the film a little higher as I tried to block Lucy and Mika out of my mind. The sooner we were out of there the better. Carla had found a decent place for us back home so in four weeks we'd be gone.

****

"Mum I've found us somewhere new to live," I said over the phone in the kitchen the next morning while everyone was out of the house. I'd kept her updated on recent events and though at first she thought Mika and I would sort things out she now knew I had to leave.

"So it's really happening then?" she asked sadly.

"Yes. It really is. You know I can't stay here anymore. I tried, really I did but it's not working out," I said.

"I know honey and you know I'll be here for you no matter what," she said.

"I actually have a really big ask. I won't get chance to see the house before we move but I have some things being delivered and I wondered if you'd help set things up so it feels a bit more homely for the kids."

"Of course love. Just let me know what you need me to do. I really am sorry though that it has come to this."

"Love you mum. I'll speak to you in the week and thanks," I said before ending the call.

I turned around and Mika was standing by the breakfast bar with his keys in his hands. He must've come back home for something and by the look of shock on his face, he'd overheard my conversation.

"You're moving out?" he shouted throwing his keys on the counter top.

"You heard then?" I asked on a sigh.

"That's all you have to say? You didn't think to tell me?" he shouted.

"I only found somewhere to live yesterday so I was going to tell you today," I explained, trying to keep my voice calm.

"Oh you were? Well that's very kind of you," he replied sarcastically. "After everything we've been through, you're just moving out. Just like that. So where is it you think you're going exactly? There's nowhere in town big enough. You looked last time."

His choice of words got on my nerves. "It's not a case of me thinking we're going anywhere. We are going. I've found a place big enough. I'm moving back to my home city."

"No. You're not." He was barely controlling his temper and moved forward to stand in front of me.

I took a step back and folded my arms. "This is not your decision Mika. It has nothing to do with you."

"You're taking the kids away to punish me for what happened between us. They're my family too," he said.

"You've hardly said two words to them over the past few weeks and you only speak to Daniel because you're his coach. Don't tell me they're your family when it's been very clear that neither them nor me are part of your family anymore."

"That's not true," he said looking stricken.

"Yes, it is Mika. Think about it. This is best for everyone in the long run and you can go back to being the family you were supposed to be. It can't go on the way it has been, you have to see that."

"The kids will never agree to leave here," he said defiantly.

"Believe me they want to go. They've been feeling really uncomfortable these past few weeks and that has nothing to do with me. They're not stupid. They know Lucy doesn't want them here." His silence told me he knew that was the truth and yet he still gave her the time of day.

He pushed his hands through his hair in frustration. "We can work this out. You don't have to move out. I'll have a word with Lucy."

"It's done Mika. I've paid the rent for the next six months in advance. We're going."

He looked stunned. "Who's the landlord?" he asked.

"Like I'm going to tell you that after what you did last time," I answered and he jutted his jaw in rage. I was angry too but I was also devastated at losing what we'd built and if this conversation carried on any longer, I was likely to burst into tears. "Look, I'm going to announce it at dinner tonight so everyone can air their views but believe me this is happening. There is no changing my mind this time."

He looked like I'd physically struck him as it dawned on him he was powerless to stop this. I stormed past him, grabbed my handbag and coat before fleeing. Hurting Mika was never my intention but I had to stay strong and follow through with this.

The children were stunned when I made the announcement at the family meal. Mika was staring at me angrily while Lucy could hardly hide her delight. Her manipulation tactics actually worked at talking her children around, as she said to them, "It's not that far plus you can still keep in touch online. It will be like they're still here. They need their own space and it's not fair to force them to stay here."

"Well I'm not going," Daniel said.

"Not this again Daniel. We went through this last time. I'm sorry but we're going. It's all been paid for," I said.

"I'm eighteen now. I'm an adult and I can go where I like. I have a part-time job so I can afford to move out. Tane and I have already been thinking of getting our own flat anyway," he said.

"No. Tane, you're not moving out," Mika pointed at his son.

"Dad come on, like Dan said we're eighteen now. We'll be going to university next month so we'd have been moving out anyway. We're not kids anymore. We need our own space."

Kat started sniffling next to me and I realised how much this whole subject must be upsetting her. I cuddled her into me and whispered that everything would be okay. I just hoped that was true. Amy was scowling at Lucy. Luke seemed relieved to be getting away from the stress that was building in the house. Mika looked at me with sad puppy dog eyes like this was all my fault. I turned my gaze away because he didn't understand how unbearable it was for us living there. Lucy caught him staring and patted his hand. "It's for the best love. You'll see," she said cheerfully. "We're going to be so busy with my business that one set of kids will keep us more than occupied."

Everyone looked at her in silent disbelief at how insensitive she was. "You know what I mean," she said laughing. "Sorry that didn't come out right. I just meant Hannah's kids are best with her where they can get the attention they need."

Amy stood up and shouted, "We don't want to live here anyway." She stormed off to her room.

"You need to tell her to watch her mouth," Lucy said to me. That was it. My fuse blew.

"No, you need to watch your mouth. In fact I suggest you keep it shut before I shut it for you."

"Are you threatening me?" she shrieked and turned to Mika to defend her.

"Hannah, that's uncalled for. Lucy didn't mean it the way it sounded," Mika said. This was exactly the reason why I was leaving.

It was my turn to stand up. "She meant it exactly how it sounded. We've never felt so unwanted in this house." I left the table and went up to my room with Kat quickly following behind me. It wasn't long before I heard Luke's bedroom door close. After I tucked Kat into bed later that night I was walking back to my room and Daniel was coming up the stairs.

"Hi Daniel," I said, still feeling a little hurt at him deciding to move out on his own.

"Hannah, I'm sorry it came out like that downstairs. I just wanted you to know that I'm really grateful for everything you've done for us. I know we can be a bit selfish sometimes but you've been there for us. We were lost when dad died and everything you've done has kept us together."

I had tears in my eyes. It was probably the nicest thing he'd ever said to me and I struggled to find my words. "Thanks Daniel."

"I just need my own space you know? We were already working up the nerve to break it to you both that we were getting our own place. If I started seeing a girl, I could never bring them here, there's just too many people. I know I should've told you sooner and I understand why you have to go. Lucy is a piece of work. She's another reason I don't want to live here. I don't trust her. Neither does Tane really, though he's glad his brothers and sister are happy."

He was an adult now and I know I couldn't change his mind. "You'll have to promise to come and see us during your holidays," I said.

Daniel looked tearful but coughed to try and hide his emotion then said, "Of course I will. I'm going to miss them all and I'll miss you too." He gave me a hug and added, "You all have a couple of weeks yet anyway right? So we've got some time to spend together before you go. I'll speak to Kat, Amy and Luke to explain why I'm staying in town."

"Thank you Daniel. You know, I can't believe how much you've grown up. You're a man now. I know I didn't really know your dad but I know he'd be so proud of you."

Daniel smiled sadly and I added, "Just one more thing. Stay away from Alex Lewis and his family. They have it in for you and I won't be here to protect you." He rolled his eyes and gave me a sarcastic salute with a cocky smile as he retreated to his room. I hoped Mika would still look out for him after I was gone.

The next three weeks flew by with arrangements for the move and getting everyone packed. Carla had sorted everything out with my new landlord and she'd really stepped up as a friend. We'd become really close and she even asked if I'd be her bridesmaid when she got married early next year. I was delighted and of course accepted. She deserved all the happiness life could bring her. It got to the final week and we were leaving on Friday. Mika had gone from being angry with me to giving me the silent treatment. It's not how I wanted to leave things between us. That night when everyone had settled to go to bed, I decided this would be the only chance I'd have to try and leave things on a friendly note.

I tiptoed to his room and knocked gently so as not to rouse Lucy, who would be out of her room like a shot if she heard me. However, I needn't have bothered worrying because it wasn't Mika who answered the door, it was the devil herself. I was shocked as she stood there in a gold silk night dress wearing a smug look on her face. "Yes Hannah? What can I do for you?" Lucy asked haughtily.

"Is Mika there?" I spluttered in surprise.

"He's in the shower now. He worked up a bit of a sweat tonight," she said brazenly. "I'll be sure to let him know you knocked though." Then she shut the door in my face. My jealousy raged as I stormed back to my room feeling humiliated again and rigorously packed the rest of my things. At that moment I knew I'd made the right decision. I had to get away from that place. Mika tried to speak to me the next day but I couldn't. I was so angry with him for not waiting until I left to move Lucy into his bedroom, especially when he knew how I felt about him. Every time he tried to corner me, I made an excuse to get out of the house.

The night before the move, he came to my room. Shutting the door behind him he stood with his back against it and stared at me. He looked really hurt. "I can't believe you're going through with this." His voice was hoarse with emotion. "I thought if I gave you time and space, you'd come to your senses but you're really doing this." He pressed his head back against the door and looked up at the ceiling before closing his eyes.

"You know we have to do this Mika. We have no choice."

"Why do you have to do it? Of course you have a choice," he said with sorrow in his voice. His eyes looked at me tearfully.

"You know why," I whispered, barely holding on to my emotions. He broke my heart every time I saw him. It tore me apart to leave it but I needed to do this for my own sanity and for the sake of the kids. Plus I'd already paid rent so there was no backing out now.

Mika took a step towards me and held my face in his hands. "Please don't go," he begged. "Don't do this to our family."

I closed my eyes to try and stop the tears. His words were tearing me apart. "I can't stay here with Lucy. You know that. I can't do it anymore."

His thumbs brushed away the tears and he said regretfully, "She's my wife Hannah. I have to give this another go or I'll never know. I have to give the kids a chance for a family with their mum again. I'm so sorry. I wish things were different. I really do."

I took a step back and put my hand out to stop him coming towards me. Composing my voice I said, "I hope you're happy Mika. You deserve it, so I hope it all works out for you." I had a horrible feeling Lucy would hurt him but I hoped I was wrong. I really hoped it was just my jealousy clouding my view. "I really should get to bed; we've got an early start tomorrow."

He nodded sadly before turning to leave. He paused at the door as though he was going to say something but instead said, "Goodnight Hannah."

"Goodnight Mika." It dawned on me that it would be the very last time I'd ever say those words.

##  **Chapter 14**

The van arrived early to pick up our things. Lucy was trying desperately to keep Mika's attention away from me by giving him tasks to do, though I couldn't help but notice his stolen glances directed at me. It just made things more confusing but I realised none of that mattered now. He'd chosen a new life with Lucy and was going to try to make their marriage work so I had to accept that.

There was a sombreness in the air but Daniel tried to lighten the mood for his younger siblings. It was hard for him deciding to stay but I knew why he needed to. He also understood why I had to go. Matiu, Maia and Niko were sad but believed the story I'd told them all that we were moving because of my job and they were oblivious to how Lucy had made us feel.

We loaded our things into the van and it would be meeting us at the house that afternoon. My mother was there with instructions if we were late arriving.

"Luke, Amy and Kat, go and have one final check of your rooms to make sure you haven't forgotten anything," I instructed. They shot off to check while the other kids helped them. It also gave them a chance to say their own tearful goodbyes. I went to my room, which I'd miss dearly and remembered the day we all moved into the new part of the house that I'd helped build. Apart from Daniel coming home bruised, it was such a happy day. I looked around and could remember what it was like being part of the construction work. Lucy couldn't take that away. Even if Mika forgot about me, a piece of me would always be part of this house. The room felt sterile without all of my things cluttering the space. I heard a cough behind me and it was Mika. He was leaning against the door frame in what appeared to be a casual fashion, though his tense posture gave away the fact that he was feeling anything but relaxed. In fact he looked like he was struggling to hold back tears.

"I was just making sure I hadn't left anything and wanted to say a last goodbye," I said forcing a smile and trying to swallow the lump in my throat.

Mika stepped into the room and looked around at the empty space then his sad gaze landed on me. Although he was desperately trying to act composed his hazel eyes were shining with emotion. I imagined the same expression echoed in mine. Without needing words I understood his look, it showed regret at what could have been. He walked towards me and wrapped his arms around me. There were tears in my eyes which I knew were soaking his t-shirt. I couldn't help it. He kissed the top of my head to comfort me and hugged me tighter like he didn't want to let me go. His woodsy scent always felt like home.

"Please take care of yourself Hannah," his deep voice whispered into my hair. "I know you'll care for the kids but please look after yourself too."

"You too Mika. I hope you can finally be happy," I said on a sob and I truly meant it.

He pulled back and held my shoulders in his large hands as he said intently, "I'm so sorry the way things worked out Hannah. After we kissed, we never had a chance to talk and I'm sorry things just couldn't work out that way for us." It was the first time he'd even acknowledged the kiss and part of me was glad he hadn't completely erased it from his memory. However, I knew his heart was with Lucy now so I nodded even though I felt broken.

"Mika are you up here?" Lucy's high-pitched voice called out from the hallway. He gave me an apologetic look and let go of me. "Oh there you are," she said walking into the room. "I was wondering if you could come and look through my business plan with me again in case I've missed anything." She looked at him expectantly waiting for him to jump to attention, as though today wasn't a big day for the rest of us.

Her eyes shot to me and narrowed then she looked around the room with her nose in the air. "This would make a great office. I'm going to need one when the business is up and running."

We both looked at her in shock. "Lucy!" Mika shouted, astonished. "Could you be a bit more sensitive?"

"Sorry, I mean it's not like Hannah's going to need it now and it'd be a shame to waste the space. The light's great in here," she added looking around.

Mika took a deep breath and his eyes searched the ceiling. I didn't even have the energy to argue with her anymore. She was right, this was her house now and she could do with the rooms whatever she wanted.

"Right I'd better go. We need to meet the removal team in a few hours," I said leaving them standing in the room. I took one more glance behind and Lucy grabbed hold of Mika's hand. He didn't let go but I did, I finally let go.

I promised the kids I would message them on social media and spy on their posts as we said our tearful goodbyes and got in the car. Daniel promised to come and visit us all soon. As we were driving away Mika appeared at the front door behind the kids with Lucy in tow, painting the perfect family picture. I hoped with all my heart that Lucy would protect them all and make them happy. As I turned to look at my kids in the car, I knew my focus had to be on their happiness now.

The next week was filled with setting up the house. We didn't have any internet at home for the first week, which drove the children mad. It also meant I struggled to get my work done. My mother came to watch the kids so I could pop into the office for a couple of hours in the day. My boss was still letting me work from home but until I had Wi-Fi set up, I had to go in. The house was smaller and with our tight budget I had to scrimp on some things the girls wanted for their bedrooms. It was an old Victorian style five-bedroom house. It was originally a three bedroom but the basement and the attic had been beautifully converted. Amy was delighted to have the attic and Luke was happy with his crypt in the basement. Kat and I shared the first floor and there was a spare room on the middle floor for when Daniel or any of the other kids would visit. I really missed them all. I wondered if Matiu was still giving his dad cheek, if Maia girl talks with Lucy like she did with me and if anyone was there to cuddle Niko when he had nightmares after sneakily watching horror films.

I continued the tradition of eating meals with the kids though we missed the banter of our extended family. I wasn't quite as entertaining and though I tried to be cheerful we were all still a little sad. I also carried on our film night tradition. It was Kat's turn so she made us watch Frozen, much to Luke's disgust though he was actually smiling at parts of it.

In the middle of our fourth week we finally managed to get the internet working. Daniel had been texting regularly but he hadn't messaged at all over the past few days. I'd tried his phone this morning but it was going to voicemail. While I didn't want to crowd him, I was getting a little worried. I tried calling Tane but his was going to voicemail too. If I didn't get a call tomorrow, I'd have to contact Mika but that was a last resort.

I had the laptop on my knee in the living room on our comfy sofa that my mum had given me. I checked my emails and Carla had sent me one this afternoon asking how we were settling in. As I scrolled through, I realised there were a couple from Daniel. I went to the earliest first, which was from three days ago.

Hi Hannah,

Sorry I haven't been in touch. I went flat hunting the other day with Tane in Moor Croft. It's a bit crappy round there but the rent was cheap so we thought we'd check it out. Anyway we left our mobile phones in the car and someone smashed the window and took them. We're both fine so don't worry, I know what you're like! Coach isn't happy about his car getting smashed or our phones getting nicked. He's punishing us with more morning runs at 5am. Slave driver. Phone should be sorted by the end of the week so don't worry. Hope everyone's okay.

Dan x

I was just about to reply to tell him off for leaving valuables on display in the car when I remembered he'd sent two more emails. It was a relief that they were both unharmed but if they were going to live on their own, they needed to be more security conscious. I clicked on the next oldest one, which was from yesterday.

Hi Hannah,

I'm guessing you haven't got your internet on yet because you haven't called me to kick off about my phone or the car. Things are okay here although Coach and Lucy were arguing last night. We could hear them from our room and she slept in her own room last night, which is weird because she's been shacking up with Coach since you left. Sorry if that's too much information. I honestly don't know how he can stand her. Her face hardly moves with all the botox. Tane tolerates her but I can't stand the fakeness. She hates me anyway probably because I'm a reminder of you. Anyway I thought they were arguing about us getting the car smashed but it sounded like it had to do with her business. Not sure what's going on. Coach seemed pretty pissed off this morning though and made us do a couple of extra miles running. It's not our fault they had a fight. Maia seems a little sad. I think she's missing you and I don't think Lucy's spending much time with her because of this business stuff. She disappears all day and comes back for tea but apart from that nobody sees her. She's probably going off to get more botox. Anyway, apart from that everyone is just the same. Give everyone a big hug from me.

Dan x

The email was probably more information than Daniel had ever given me in any of his phone calls. I wondered what was happening with Mika and Lucy, though it was none of my business now. It hurt that they'd been sleeping in the same room but what did I expect a married couple to do? I wasn't that naive. Clicking on to his next email from this morning I was surprised to see it was even longer than the last one.

Hey Hannah,

I really wish you'd get that internet sorted. Can't wait for my phone to be delivered. Not sure where to start. We found out last night Coach and Lucy were fighting because there was still no record of Lucy's business anywhere and Coach was getting suspicious. I mean she was supposed to move in this week and none of the shops are even refurbished in town. We were in the living room watching a film when they started arguing in the dining room. He must've given her money for the business because she was shouting saying he didn't trust her. She started crying and he backed down and then it went quiet. When we woke up this morning we heard a smash in Lucy's room. Coach was in there and a lamp was on the floor. Her cupboards were open and all her clothes were gone. She just left without saying goodbye to anyone not even Coach. He's so upset. He gave her £70,000 as an investment for her business on Monday and the bitch has done a runner. Coach went out today to try and find out what's going on. When he came back he had a talk with both me and Tane. There was never any business. It looks like she lied just to get the money. The kids don't know yet and I'm not sure what he's going to say to them. Tane's really angry about it. I know things were weird between you and Coach but I think he could do with a friend right now if you want to call him. I'll let you know how things get on.

Dan x

I was so stunned I didn't know what to say. The email had been sent a couple of hours ago. Maybe they'd got it all wrong and Lucy had just decided she needed some space after their argument. However I knew in my gut that was not the case. It was exactly what I'd warned Mika about. I didn't know what to say to him. Would he even want me to call him? I thought about how he must be feeling and wondered if the children knew. There were so many questions and I wouldn't know any of the answers until I spoke to him. I picked up and taking a deep breath, I hit the call button. After two rings he answered.

"Mika?"

"Hannah? Erm how are you?" He sounded upset.

"I'm fine. I had an email from Daniel and he told me that Lucy had left. Is that true?" The selfish part of me hoped she was gone but for the sake of Mika and the kids I hoped Daniel had it all wrong.

"Erm yeah. We had a fight last night and then this morning all her clothes are gone. I haven't been able to get in touch with her. No Note. Nothing."

"I'm so sorry Mika," I said. "I mean do you think maybe she's just angry after your fight and needed some time to cool off? Maybe she'll be back."

"She took everything Hannah," he shouted. "She's not coming back. It's the same as last time. Her clothes are gone, all her stuff is gone, like she'd never been here."

"Do the kids know?" I asked, imaging how upset they would be. It would tear them apart.

"Not yet. Only Tane and Daniel but that was mainly because they saw me in her room. I need to figure out why she's gone and where she is. I can't tell them without giving them the answers. They'll think it's their fault or that she didn't love them. I shouldn't have let her back. It's just the same as last time. I should have listened to you Hannah. I'm such a stupid fool."

"No, you're not Mika. You wanted what's best for your family. You never know maybe it's all a big misunderstanding and she'll come back in a few days after she's had time to think."

"Hannah don't baby me. We both know she won't be back. I just need to find out what's going on."

"What are you going to do?"

"I need to find her. I've called Carla. She's still in town and she's agreed to babysit for me while I go and look for her."

"I'm so sorry Mika. I can't believe this has happened."

"Well you warned me Hannah but I didn't listen and it's wrecked so many lives. She's not getting away with this."

"Just don't do anything stupid. I know you're angry but think of the kids before you do or say anything. Promise me."

He took a deep breath before he sighed and said, "Yeah, I promise. Hannah, thank you for calling me. I know I don't deserve it after the way I treated you."

"Mika, I'm here if you need me just like you were there for us when we needed you. I'll always be your friend you know that."

My words were true. He'd given us a home when we needed it and he deserved a friend. I could give him that even though he had shattered my heart. After a pause he said, "Thank you Hannah. That means a lot."

I kept in touch over the next few days to check on Mika and the kids. I was tempted to pack up and go back to them but I couldn't move the kids again plus I was in a new routine at work. It took Mika two days to track Lucy down. She was living back with her footballer boyfriend, Clinton Perez, the one she'd been pictured with and who as it turned out had been her fiancé all along. Mika paid a visit to their house and Clinton had no idea they were still married. In fact he thought Lucy had been away on a round the world cruise.

"Lucy wasn't there when I called but Clinton was." Mika told me that night. "He had no idea she'd been living with me these past few months. She'd been keeping in regular contact with him all this time, pretending she was on holiday. He didn't know we were still married," Mika said bitterly.

"Oh no. What did he say?"

Mika sighed. "He was shocked obviously. They were engaged to be married. He didn't believe me at first and I showed him photos of her with us over the past few weeks. Then I told him about the money and he couldn't believe it. Lucy came home and interrupted us as we were talking. She was surprised to see me, as you can imagine." He gave out a humourless laugh and continued. "She just turned so cold and distant as if I was nothing. Two days ago she was telling me how much she loved me and today she treated me like a stranger. It made me sick. I asked her about the money and she looked at Clifton then denied taking any money. Then she told him she hadn't seen me in years, which he knew was a lie. I showed him the bank statement and asked her why she did it."

"Did she give a reason?" I asked appalled.

"She didn't even look at me but told him she was in debt and didn't want him to find out in case he didn't want to marry her. Then she said she'd always intended to get a divorce from me before their wedding. Apparently, Anna Lewis knew about her debt and had come up with the idea of conning me out of the money. Anna was just doing it out of revenge because she wanted to create a wedge between me and you after what happened with her son."

"Mika, I can't believe they would stoop so low. I'm so sorry." The thought of everything she had done filled me with rage. I wished I would've been there today, I wanted to smack her one so much.

"What really makes me sick is that Lucy didn't even think about the kids in all this. It was just about the money the whole time. That's how desperate she was to get married to Clinton and hang on to her lifestyle. She's always been the same Hannah. A gold digger. I was an idiot to think she'd changed."

"Oh Mika. What's going to happen now? Did you get the money back?"

"I can't. She's already paid her debts off. What am I going to do, go to the police? Have my kids' mother arrested?"

"Yes that's exactly what you should do. She's a total bitch."

"I can't Hannah. I can't do that to them. I told them she's gone away for a couple of days but it's going to kill them when they find out she's not coming back. I just don't want them to hurt any more than the already will be."

"They need to know what she's like Mika."

"They will but I have to do it in my own way. The money's gone anyway so it's not like I'll get it back. The best I can do is never look at that woman ever again."

"I'm sorry Mika. I know you loved her."

He went quiet on the phone for a second, then said, "The funny thing is, it doesn't feel like last time. Yeah of course I feel betrayed and angry. I'm devastated for the kids because she doesn't give a shit about them but I'm not upset about losing her as a wife. It's like I was trying to re-live the life we used to have but my heart had already moved on."

I didn't want to acknowledge that last part. If he was talking about me but I couldn't even entertain the thought of there being an "us" again after the betrayal I've felt over the past few months.

"Well that's good. I'm glad Mika. That means you can be strong for the kids. They're the most important things right now."

"Hannah, I..." It felt like he was going to say something that I wasn't ready to hear so I interrupted him.

"Mika, sorry I think Kat's calling me, I have to go. Look, keep me updated on what's happening. I'm glad this hasn't broken you and I know you'll get through this."

"Okay Hannah," he said in a resigned tone. "Thanks for the talk. I appreciate it."

"That's what friends are for," I said a little too breezily and I knew it sounded fake.

Over the next week I called Mika regularly to check how everyone was coping. He had to break it to the children that their mother had left them again and wasn't coming back this time. Maia had taken it particularly badly. Matiu had started staying out late and playing up while Niko had become very quiet and resigned. Mika had given them some form of the truth that their mother had found someone else who she felt she could be happier with. It was a kinder version than she deserved but was necessary to try and protect the kids. Tane was aware of what had really happened and at least him and Daniel were there to offer support. I wondered how Mika would cope when they moved out.

Luke, Amy and Kat were given the abridged version of events. Now we had the internet up and running they were back in regular contact with the other kids. It was expensive setting up a new life and they were used to a certain lifestyle that I couldn't sustain. It went without saying that I had to do without basic things for myself so I could afford when they needed. They were enrolled in their new schools and needed new uniforms and my wages were only just covering our costs. I'd gone from living a very comfortable life with Mika to struggling to make my money stretch. I felt too embarrassed to let anyone know how tight money was. It also made me sick when Mika called up with the latest update about Lucy. Her greed was just never ending.

"I got a letter in the post this morning. She wants a divorce. Not just that but she wants half the house. She wants me to sell our home so she can have half the money. Can you believe it?" he shouted.

I was feeling so tired from my own money problems but her cheek just filled me with rage. "Hasn't she done enough? When will she ever be happy?"

"Apparently Clinton threw her out so she has nothing now and nobody will touch her."

"So why doesn't she get a job like the rest of us?" I was stressed because I was working so hard to make sure I could put food in our mouths and angry that she just seemed to waltz through life taking what she wanted.

There was a pause and as Mika must have sensed the tension in my voice as he asked, "Are you alright Hannah? Sorry I'm off-loading this on to you."

"Yeah, I'm fine. Sorry, I've just a got a deadline I need to meet and I've been a bit stressed about it."

"Do you want to talk about it? I miss our conversations." The reason we stopped talking was because he started spending time with Lucy. That thought made me a little angry at how he'd treated me but he was going through a tough enough time, so I bit my lip.

"No I'm fine honestly. It's just work stuff," I answered.

"Look, I'm here if you need to speak to me about anything."

"Thanks Mika but really everything is good here. You need to concentrate on yourself and the kids. So what are you going to do about the divorce?" I asked, changing the subject back to him.

"Well I'm not selling the house and she's not getting half. I'm finished with her. If I have to go to the police and tell them how she conned me out of seventy grand I will. I know the kids will be upset but she's not taking our home. I'll see what her lawyers say about that."

"Well keep me updated on how it's going. Let me know if you need anything."

"I will and Hannah the same goes to you too. I'm here if you need anything at all."

I didn't hear from Mika for the rest of the week and from my phone conversations with Daniel the divorce was getting messy with Lucy throwing around all sorts of accusations about how she had been badly treated by her husband.

As I was working on my laptop in my office, Amy came in. "Hannah, there are a pair of shoes I've seen for school which are amazing. Can I get them? They're only a hundred and twenty pounds."

My heart started beating fast in panic. That was three weeks' worth of food money. I could afford luxuries like that when we lived with Mika because he charged us next to nothing for bills and I think he only let me pay to make me feel better. He never needed the money.

"I'm sorry Amy but I'm not sure we can afford that. Are there any on sale online?" I asked.

"That is the sale price online," she whined.

"I'm really sorry but Kat will need shoes too and Luke. I can't spend that amount of money on one pair of shoes."

"Are we poor now Hannah?" she asked looking upset. I knew the move had been hard on her. Our lifestyle was a little different to what she was used to. I was failing them.

"No of course we're not poor, it's just that money is a bit tight at the moment." I tried to reassure her but she looked worried. I never wanted the children to feel worried about anything. Feeling guilty, I thought about the money I'd put away in case anything happened with my car. I could risk using that for her shoes and then put it back the month after. I was sure things would ease up once we were settled. It was always costly moving to a new place.

"I think I can probably stretch our budget to get your shoes. Send me a link to the ones you want," I said smiling.

"I thought you said we couldn't afford them?" she asked tentatively.

"I was just being cautious. Stop worrying. We're fine."

She smiled and said, "Thanks Hannah. I'll look after them I promise. I'll send you the link. Love you."

"Love you too honey," I replied. It had taken a while but the kids actually told me they loved me on a regular basis now and they knew I'd do anything for them.

As luck would have it, the week they started their new school my car broke down. Not only that but it couldn't be repaired. I couldn't afford a new vehicle so I had to get two buses into work. Luckily Luke's and Amy's school was only a ten-minute walk from our house. I'd agreed to work in the office three days a week because we lived closer now. Kat's school was also within walking distance so I took her first before hopping onto to the bus. My mother was great and picked her up on the three days I was in work. I hadn't realised how lucky I'd had it living with Mika. He'd made the transition into parenthood so easy for me.

At least I was getting on with the team in the office. It was mainly women who worked for the magazine which meant the new male graphic designer Scott got a lot of attention. He was very attractive with stylishly geeky glasses and a flirty nature. I steered clear though he would regularly try to make conversation with me in the kitchen.

On the third week after my car broke down, I was making a coffee in the work kitchen and trying to warm up after getting soaked waiting for the bus. He laughed when he walked in and saw the state I was in.

"Did you have a shower in your work clothes this morning?" he asked smiling.

"Well it does save time," I said sarcastically. I was cold, wet and in need of hot caffeine, so I was not in the best of moods.

Scott was not put off by my attitude. "The drowned rat look suits you." He gave me a charming smile and I returned it with a sarcastic raise of my eyebrow then filled my cup. I felt uncomfortable standing soaking wet, looking a complete mess in front of an extremely attractive younger man. He could be chatting up any of the younger women in the office so I wasn't sure why he was giving me his attention. There was nothing more for me to add to the conversation so I thought he'd leave the kitchen but he lingered, which was a bit annoying. He was almost as tall as Mika but slimmer. He had short brown hair and blue eyes. I wondered if his geeky glasses were real or just for show. He had a cheeky smile on his face as he assessed me.

"I could always give you a lift. I think you live in the same part of town as me. I usually pick Jen up on the way anyway," he offered, leaning against the door frame of the kitchen.

Jen was one of the feature writers, who was married with two children. She was friendly but didn't suffer fools so she wouldn't catch a lift off someone she didn't trust. However, I still felt uncomfortable as I didn't know him that well.

"It's fine honestly. I actually like getting the bus. It gives me time to think." This was partly true. The only issue was that I had to get two of them so if my first one was late I'd miss the next one.

"Well the offer is there. It's really no hassle for me. I'm going that way anyway."

"Honestly thanks but I think I'll be fine. It was nice of you to offer though," I added politely and sipped my coffee. He gave me an assessing look that told me he wasn't used to being turned down but the challenge in his smile made me feel like he wouldn't give up easily. Eventually he nodded and left. I sighed in relief and let the coffee warm me up.

Thick black clouds filled the sky as I left work later that week and the rain was bouncing off the pavement. I knew I was going to get soaked. Pulling my coat around me I hoped my umbrella held up against the wind. Unlucky for me, as soon as I turned the corner of the building, the wind spun me around and my umbrella turned inside out. I'd be soaked by the time I reached the bus stop. A black BMW stopped in front of me and when the driver wound down the window, it was Scott. Jen peaked her head out slightly from the passenger side.

"You're going to get soaked or should I say more soaked. Let me give you a lift," Scott said.

I hesitated then Jen added, "Come on Hannah you can't wait for a bus in this weather."

Would it really hurt to get a lift and keep dry? I accepted the offer and got in the car.

"Thanks," I said as I climbed in the back seat, relieved to be out of the cold wet rain.

Jen and Scott chattered most of the way. Scott tried to draw me into conversation as he glanced at me through the rear-view mirror. "I hear you have kids. How old are they?"

"Yes, I have four. Daniel is eighteen, Luke is sixteen, Amy is 13 and Kat is nine."

He looked stunned for a second and blew out a breath, which made me laugh. I bet that stopped him in his tracks. Four kids were enough to put anyone off.

"Wow, that's a big family. You and your boyfriend must have your hands full." I knew he was fishing for information and rolled my eyes.

"Nope, no boyfriend. Just me. Yeah they're a handful but I love them."

Then Jen added, "I think it's amazing that you took those kids on Hannah. It's hard enough having kids but taking on someone else's especially at that difficult age. Honestly they're lucky to have you."

I got a little prickly at her assuming they were a burden but I knew she meant well and said, "If anything they've given me more than I've given them. I went from being single to having a whole family."

"So where are their parents?" Scott asked.

"Their mother died when they were little and their father, my brother, passed away a year and a half ago."

"Poor kids. I'm sorry about your brother," Scott said sympathetically. It made me actually like him a little more that he showed some empathy.

"Thank you. My brother and I weren't close but I love the kids like they're my own."

He looked at me through the rear-view mirror assessing me again. At least I wasn't in any danger of him flirting with me now he knew I had four kids to look after. Scott dropped Jen off first then looked back to me and said, "So are you going to stay back there and have me chauffeur you or are you moving up front?" He was teasing me. I rolled my eyes again, got out and moved up front seeing as it would be rude not to.

"So where are we going?" he asked and I gave him my address. We chatted on the way to my house and I was surprised that we had quite a lot in common from a love for alternative music to abstract art. Surprisingly, I found myself enjoying the conversation and not rushing to get out of the car. It had been so long since I'd enjoyed a good conversation like that. The last time was with Mika before Lucy turned up. That made me a little sad but when I turned to say "goodbye" to Scott his smile made me feel a light inside He even talked me into letting him pick me up on the way to work the next morning.

As soon as I walked in the door, as if on cue, Mika called me. I was usually on the bus if he called at this time.

"Hey, can you talk or are you on the bus?" he asked.

"No I'm home. Scott from work gave me a lift so I'm home early," I said as I put my bag down in the hall. My mother waved at me from the living room where she was watching television with Kat.

Mika was quiet for a second and I looked at my phone thinking I'd lost the signal. "Hello Mika? Are you still there?"

"Yeah I'm here. Who's Scott?" he asked seriously.

"Oh he's one of the graphic designers. He lives nearby so he's offered to take me to work and give me a lift home to save me getting the bus."

"Really? That's nice of him," he said sarcastically.

"Yeah, it is," I answered in a confused tone.

"I thought you only worked with women? Why would a man want to work for a women's magazine?" Mika asked.

"I don't know Mika. He's a graphic designer. I suppose you can do that anywhere." I was exasperated not knowing where he was going with this conversation.

"I bet he's enjoying the work being in an office with all those women."

"No doubt he is," I said curtly.

"So he's a flirt then?"

"No, that's not what I said. Well, I suppose he does a bit but why does that matter?"

"So you're getting a lift home from the office flirt and you don't think that's anything to worry about?"

"No. Not at all. He knows my circumstances." I was really getting irritated now.

"I bet he does," Mika huffed down the phone.

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"Oh come on Hannah. Even you're not that naive. A beautiful single mother in need of help. I bet he was more than willing to step right in." His voice sounded angry.

"It's not like that. He just offered me a lift because he lives nearby." I tried to ignore the fact that Mika called me beautiful and concentrated on the fact he was being rude.

"You need to get your car fixed. I'll send you the money if you can't afford it."

"No Mika. I'm not taking anything from you."

"If you were like Lucy, you'd no doubt be living very comfortably," he said regretfully.

I was hurt at his words. "Well you know what? I'm not like her and I'm glad I'm not. If you like her so much then why don't you stop the divorce proceedings," I barked back at him though I knew it was a low blow.

"That's not what I meant. You're misunderstanding me. Women like her who are selfish seem to get things handed to them yet you do so much for everyone and have to struggle. You could do with being a bit selfish sometimes." I wasn't impressed that he was criticising me for being selfless. As far as I was concerned my children would have been homeless if it wasn't for my selflessness. People suffered at the hands of those who were selfish and I never wanted to be like that.

"Well thanks for the pep talk Mika. If there's any other criticism you have of me please don't hesitate to let me know."

"Hannah, I didn't mean to be critical. I was just being honest."

"Fine. Look, I have to go."

I ended the call and was fuming. It grated on me that Mika thought I was a doormat. His respect meant a lot to me so I felt upset at his words. I decided to be selfish like he suggested and gave myself some space by avoiding contact with him over the next week. He must have felt the same as he didn't try to contact me either. On the other hand my friendship with Scott was blossoming. He was an incorrigible flirt but it was harmless. He just loved the attention of women and why shouldn't he? After all, he was young and single, so good for him. I caught him looking at me across the office a couple of times but he was like that with all the women. He was just a friendly person.

Mika finally called just over a week after our last conversation. "Have you calmed down now?" he asked me as though I'd been in the wrong last time we spoke.

"I'm very calm. Thank you." I decided not to carry it on as I knew how stubborn he could be.

"Good. I had to call as I have some good news. Lucy's backed down from her request to sell the house. I think we'll be able to reach an agreement that we'll both be happy with. What's sickening though is that she's not even interested in access to the kids at all, she just wants money. I don't know why I'm surprised. They're better off without her."

"How are they doing?" My heart broke for them. I'd steered clear while Mika was sorting things out as I didn't want to get in the way but I worried about them every day.

"Do you know what? They're doing fine now. A lot better than I thought they would. I think they're coming to terms with it. They're not stupid. I think they know what she's like. If I'm honest I think they're missing you and the kids a lot more than their mum." He sighed.

I could feel the tears welling. "I miss them too. Every day."

"I'm just so sorry the way everything worked out. I messed everything up. We all had a good life together and I messed it up for nothing," he said.

"You had to know Mika. You had to at least try to put your family back together and give the kids a chance to have a life with their mother."

"I know but it was a huge risk and it didn't pay off. I'll always regret it. Worst decision of my life. I lost half of my family when you left."

"You haven't lost us. We're still here," I said.

"Are you?" he asked hopefully.

"Of course. You know you can speak to me any time."

"This time next year I'll be a free man for the first time in years," he said.

"How do you feel about that?" I asked tentatively.

"Honestly? I feel disappointed in myself that I couldn't fix everything for the kids but I'm excited. I can finally move on with my life. Maybe be happy with someone knew." There was hope in his voice. I felt jealous about who he might end up with. I couldn't even entertain the thought he might mean me. I'd been heartbroken by him enough to realise my assumptions about us were generally wrong.

"Well you've got a year to get out there and start meeting people," I said a little dismissively, though it killed me to say it.

He was silent and sounded disappointed when he said, "Sure. Well, I just wanted to share the news. Listen I have to go. I'll speak to you soon."

Getting a lift into work meant I was actually managing to save a bit of money. In fact I finally felt I was getting back on track in late November after four months of living in our new house. Scott didn't realise how much he was helping me by giving me a lift to work. It was lucky I'd been saving because the kids were already starting to put in requests for Christmas presents. Luke seemed more sensitive to our financial situation. At almost seventeen he'd grown up a lot since we moved. He'd also started working weekends at the local cinema, which had done wonders for his shyness. It was also where he met his girlfriend Michaela, who was as much of a music fan as he was. His job also meant we got discount on cinema tickets which helped when I was looking for something cheap for us to do as a family.

"Luke have you decided what you want for Christmas?" I asked as we were sitting at the breakfast table on a Saturday morning with Kat and Amy.

"I've seen this retro record player in a vanity case I quite like. If you can't afford it though, I can save up for it."

"No, that sounds really good. Send me a list of any records you're looking for too," I answered.

"Really? That's be cool. Thanks Hannah," he said with a beaming smile.

"I was talking to Maia about Christmas the other day," Amy said.

"How is she? What did she say?" I asked.

"Better, I think. She still hasn't heard from her mum but I think that's a good thing. I don't even mention it anymore. She said Coach is going to invite us all up to stay for Christmas." Amy looked at me expectantly and I could see the hope in her eyes. Kat couldn't hide her excitement and squealed.

"He hasn't said anything to me Amy. I'm sorry but I'm not sure how we'd even do it. We don't have a car and the trains will be a nightmare at that time of year."

She looked disappointed so I added gently, "I didn't say no but let's just wait and see if Mika invites us first."

"Fine," she sighed.

That evening Mika called and invited us. He wasn't aware of exactly how tight things were financially for me so he didn't understand why I couldn't just hire a car. When he kept pressing, I snapped. "I just can't afford it okay? I just about have enough money to get the kids presents for Christmas but I don't have extra money to pay for anything else right now. I'd be lucky if I could buy myself a nice shampoo or some makeup. Hiring a car is just not possible. I'm really sorry."

There was silence. "You can't afford shampoo?" he asked. It sounded ridiculous when he said it but it was the truth, I really did have to budget.

"I just mean I can't luxuries and I economise on things now. I'm budgeting and we're doing okay but I can't afford extras Mika. I'm getting on track but after food, bills and after-school clubs, there's not much left." It was frustrating that I had to explain myself.

"I'm sorry Hannah. I had no idea money was that bad. I've been so wrapped up in the divorce. I know you didn't get your car fixed but I assumed things were sorted as you hadn't mentioned there were any issues."

"Why would I? It's my problem. Things aren't that bad. I just have to be a bit frugal that's all," I said embarrassed, as I knew Mika was wealthy and I was not even in his league.

"I'll hire a car for you and I'm not taking no for an answer. I want you all here for Christmas Hannah. You haven't seen Dan since you moved away. He's coming back with Tane for Christmas and they want to see you all."

That was a manipulative move as he knew how much we all wanted to see Dan. I was really missing all the kids. Of course I was missing Mika too but it would be hard seeing him again after him stomping all over my heart.

"Hannah? Are you still there?"

"Yes, sorry. Erm..."

"You're all coming. No arguments. I'm booking it tonight and I'll send you the details. Bring your mum too if she'll come." It melted my heart that he'd included my mother in the plans and I knew she'd be delighted. With little choice, I nervously agreed.

I was really excited over the next few weeks that I'd be seeing them all at Christmas. The kids felt the same and there was a real buzz in the house. Luke was going to miss his girlfriend but promised he'd be back for New Year to attend her family party. I'd planned on him bringing in the New Year with Amy, Kat, my mother and I but I understood he wanted to spend some of the holidays with his girlfriend.

"What's with the smile?" Scott asked one morning when he picked me up for work.

"Nothing. I'm just looking forward to Christmas," I laughed.

"You should smile more. You're really pretty," he said with a smile, staring into my eyes, making me blush awkwardly. "So what are your plans for Christmas?" he asked.

"We're going to be staying up at my friend Mika's. I think I told you that's where we were living before." I stammered a little, feeling flustered.

"I remember you saying where you lived before but you never mentioned Mika. Is he a family member?"

"Kind of. He was Josh's best friend and we lived with him for a while with his kids when I first got custody of the kids." That was a bit of an understatement as to what Mika was to me but it was too hard to explain.

"That's nice that he let you live with him," he said and looked at me as though trying to gauge if there was more to it.

"Yeah, it was. Our kids are all really close so it just made sense." I shrugged as though it was no big deal even though the whole experience was actually life-changing for me.

"Mika, that's an unusual name."

"He's from New Zealand originally and his family is Maori. He came over here to play rugby."

He was thinking for a second and then asked, "What's his surname?"

"Cooper. Why?"

"Mika Cooper the rugby star?"

I never saw Mika like that so it surprised me when Scott said it. "Yeah that's him. He's a Coach now."

"He was a brilliant player. The girls all liked him too, so I've heard." He glanced at me to see my reaction but I stayed silent. It made me jealous to think of women ogling Mika but I had no right to feel that way. He wasn't mine and never would be.

"So are you two just friends or was there more to it?" he asked light-heartedly but I he seemed to be trying to hide the tension in his voice.

"No. I mean, we're just friends."

"Hmm," he answered as though thinking on it. "So what are you doing for New Year?"

"I'll be back here so it'll be a night in watching films with the kids and my mum."

He blew out a breath. "That sounds nice to be surrounded by your family on New Year."

"What are you up to for New Year?" I asked.

"Oh nothing. I'll probably be sitting in on my own. No plans." He looked at me and gave a small smile. I felt bad for him being on his own for New Year, especially seeing as he'd been so good to me by giving me lifts to work.

"Well, if you feel like spending a night watching films you can join us. It won't be as lively as a party but you're more than welcome." I asked him out of politeness and assumed he'd decline, however he said, 'That sounds great. Thanks Hannah. See you've brightened up my day already." It felt good to do something for someone else and I was sure mum, Amy and Kat wouldn't mind. Mika probably wouldn't approve but I couldn't back out now that I'd invited him.

##  **Chapter 15**

The trip to Mika's was a little surreal. When I left, I never imagined I'd ever be visiting his home again. Old feelings I'd locked away flooded back when I pulled into the long driveway. I forgot how huge and gorgeous the house was. The front door opened before we got out of the car. Mika, then Daniel, Tane, Matiu, Maia and Niko all piled out to meet us. Luke, Amy and Kat scrambled out of the car and my mother wasn't far behind them. Everyone hugged each other and my heart filled as I watched the scene. They really looked like one big family. Mika had his arms around my kids squeezing them all in one go. His eyes shot to me as I closed the car door and I felt the world tilt. I thought my feelings had dimmed after our time apart but I was wrong. It was easier to distance myself when we were far apart but being this close made it impossible. A force in him ignited something in me and I responded to him in a way I couldn't explain. My face flushed and he gave me a knowing smile before marching over, wrapping his arms around me and picking me up. My feet left the floor and I squealed in delight. Was he always so big, solid and warm? That familiar woodsy smell hit my senses and his hair, which had gotten a little longer, tickled my face. I buried my head in it for a second and breathed him in. He let me down gently and held me at arm's length to assess me.

"Sorry. I couldn't help it," he said smiling.

"It's fine," I answered shyly, putting my hair behind my ear. I always felt like an awkward teenager in front of him. I reminded myself I was a professional journalist and an independent mother of four with no reason to be shy.

"You look beautiful," he said. His eyes were glittering with happiness.

My mouth opened in surprise at his compliment. The grey woollen flared coat I was wearing fitted me in all the right places but was getting tired looking. I'd curled my hair and applied makeup attempting to look my best but I felt far from attractive. The way Mika was staring at me however made me almost believe him.

"You look good too," I said, releasing a breath. "Just as big as I remembered," I added awkwardly.

He raised his eyebrows and then laughed out loud. "I look big? Great could have been worse. You could have called me fat. Big's okay though I think." Mika put his huge arm around my shoulders and guided me into the house. The kids were chatting away as they walked in. Tears filled my eyes at how beautiful the house looked with all the Christmas decorations. It was like something from an eighties John Hughes film. There was a Christmas tree in the hallway entrance and a garland with red bows that travelled up the length of the stair banister. Each room on the ground floor had a Christmas tree in a different theme.

"It looks amazing," I said to Mika. I loved Christmas and couldn't hide my excitement.

"Glad you like it. I can't take the credit though. Carla helped me out. She knew what you'd like," he said.

"She did a great job," I said looking around the house in awe.

The kids' rooms were all as they'd left them and they were spotless like they had been continuously cared for. I stood at the top of the stairs wondering where I'd be sleeping given that Lucy had turned my bedroom into an office. As though reading my thoughts, Mika said, "Your room is the same as it was. I couldn't let her change it."

It meant a lot to me that he hadn't just removed all trace of me from the house. I opened the bedroom door I was stunned. In the corner of the room was my very own Christmas tree in colours glittering with green and silver baubles to match the mint walls. I burst into tears and Mika swept me up into a hug.

"It's so beautiful Mika. Thank you," I mumbled into his chest.

"I'm not sure if I want to thank Carla or shout at her for making you cry," he grumbled.

I gently pulled away to look at the tree. "You can thank her definitely. Are you trying to make it difficult for us to ever leave here?" I joked while looking at the elegant twinkling tree lights. There was silence and I turned my head back to him and he wore a serious expression, as though there was some truth in what I'd just said. I pushed the thought out of my mind, not willing to let things become complicated. Instead I turned again and admired the trinkets on the tree. "I've really missed this room. I had some really happy memories in here, especially when we first moved into the new house."

"In the early days huh?" he asked sadly, stepping beside me and then smiled. "Well I'm just so glad you're here and the kids are here. I've got a feeling this is going to be the best Christmas yet."

He was right and just as he'd promised it was the best Christmas Day I could have wished for. I just about managed to stretch my budget for presents. Mika seemed delighted with the signed retro rugby shirt I'd got framed for him. He spoilt all the kids and I wasn't sure I'd be able to fit their presents into the rental car. Mika was a little shy when he handed me my present. It was a delicate silver necklace with a teardrop aquamarine pendant. My heart swelled that he knew it was my birthstone and I felt tearful as I gaped at the best gift I'd ever had.

My mother kept giving me knowing glances whenever Mika interacted with me. He was more tactile than ever and was in my personal space a lot. It definitely felt more affectionate than friends and I admitted I enjoyed the attention. I couldn't help the flutters whenever he was near me. As we both sat on a thick rug staring at the open fire two days after Christmas, I felt sad that I'd be leaving in two days.

Mika said, "It really has been the best Christmas ever. I can't think of a time I've been happier, well apart from when we all moved into the new house." He glanced at me and then back at the fire looking regretful.

"Yeah it has been. Thank you so much for everything," I said pulling my knees to my chest.

"You deserve it you know," he added as he stared at me again.

"Deserve what?"

"A family, being surrounded by people that love you." I didn't dare ask if he included himself among those people. "I wish you didn't have to go so soon," he said, reaching out tentatively and curling my hair around his finger.

"I know. Me too but Luke promised his girlfriend he'd be home for her New Year's Eve party and I kind of promised Scott he could come around because he'll be on his own for New Year."

Mika's hand dropped and he tensed. "Scott? As in the guy who drives you to work?"

"Yes. He was spending New Year on his own so I said he could come over."

"So he's spending the night with my family on New Year's Eve when I'm not even getting a chance to spend New Year with them?" he asked with a note of anger in his voice.

"He's going to be on his own Mika. I felt bad on him," I explained.

"He knows you're a soft touch Hannah. Don't you see he's trying to wriggle his way into your life?"

"No. I told you, it's not like that and I am not a soft touch Mika. I resent that." It annoyed me that once again he thought so little of me.

"I just mean you're too kind hearted and people take advantage."

"He's been giving me a lift to work for months and hasn't asked for anything. It's the least I could do."

Mika stared at me unhappily, took a deep breath and turned to face the fire. His mouth was set in a grim line and he was breathing heavily. When he seemed to calm down, he turned back to me. "Fine. We'll come to yours for New Year too. The kids aren't back at school until the second week in January so it's perfect."

"What? I mean I'd love to have you all there but my house is a lot smaller than yours. I'm not sure we'd all fit." I was overjoyed we might all spend New Year together but didn't dare to hope too much.

"Well I'm sure Tane and Dan will already have plans and the rest of us can squeeze in somewhere." He smiled and gave me a knowing look which made my heart race. He couldn't possibly mean that he'd share my room with me.

"Erm, okay then," I said stuttering with embarrassment. "That sounds great."

"It's sorted then," said Mika smiling almost triumphantly. All I could do was nod. Although I was delighted, I also worried how Mika would get on with Scott.

Early the next morning, on New Year's Eve, we said goodbye to Dan and Tane as we all set off back to my house. The boys piled into Mika's roomy car while the girls and my mother squeezed into mine.

"It's nice that Mika's coming for New Year," my mother said smiling from the passenger seat next to me.

"Yeah, it'll be good fun," I answered dubiously.

"Your friend Scott is still coming too?" she asked.

"Yeah he text me this morning to say he'd be coming over."

"That'll make for an interesting night." She glanced at me sideways with a knowing smile.

"What do you mean?"

"All that testosterone in one room fighting for your attention." Her blue eyes were glittering with amusement.

"Mum, come on. It's not like that." I could feel my cheeks turning red.

"You keep telling yourself that love," she added, her smile broadening. I really hoped there wouldn't be any tension but I'd warn Scott that more people were coming in case he wanted to back out.

When we arrived, it didn't take long for everyone to take a tour of the house as it was a lot smaller than Mika's but I was proud of how homely I'd made the place. "It's nice. It definitely has your mark on it," Mika said admiring the collage of framed photos of us all on one of the walls. It always cheered me up if I was having a bad day.

Maia disappeared to put her things in Amy's room. My mother was sharing with Kat tonight. Luke would be home in the early hours so Niko was sleeping in Daniel's bed and Matiu was taking the couch in the living room.

"Looks like I'm bunking in with Hannah then," Mika said with a cheeky smile and marched upstairs to leave his things in my room. Mika didn't even offer to sleep on the living room floor and I couldn't bring myself to tell him to, especially after they amazing Christmas he'd just given us. We'd slept in the same bed before when I was sick so it wasn't a big deal, even if the thought sent a shiver through me.

Matiu smiled cheekily and said, "Am I going to need to wear my headphones tonight?"

My face went red as I smacked his arm lightly in indignation. "Less of that please. Respect for your elders."

"So long as you have respect for your kids. These things can cause trauma. Seriously, it can cause PTSD. I've read about it."

"What can cause PTSD?" asked Mika, returning to the living room.

"Nothing," I said before Matiu could embarrass me further. My mother was on the couch chuckling, enjoying the show.

I text Scott to let him know who else would be here and to my surprise he didn't back out. Mika as always took over the cooking. "So this Scott's still coming over?" he asked dismissively as he stirred the food.

"Yes, he said he was," I answered, ignoring his tone.

"Does he know all your family is here?" Mika asked.

"Yes I told him and he seemed fine."

"I'd feel a bit awkward if it was me. Like I was crashing a family party."

"He was invited first," I said. "We've gone through this."

Mika grunted and let the topic drop. I was glad he'd taken over the food because it gave me time to get ready. We weren't going out but I still liked to dress up on New Year so I'd chosen a black skater style dress with lace sleeves and fitted waist that I hadn't worn in ages. It was a bit short but seeing as we were staying indoors, I decided it was fine. I curled my hair and left it loose then added some shimmery eye make-up. When I walked down the stairs Matiu wolf whistled in jest and Mika smacked him lightly across the head then looked up at me and gaped.

"You look stunning," he said. "Erm the food is ready."

I was equally left speechless by how handsome Mika was. Somehow he'd managed to still find time to get changed and prepare the food. He had on a tight cashmere charcoal jumper that displayed his muscles and made me want to run my hands over his body. It looked perfect with his charcoal trousers and dark shoes. His hair was pulled back into a man bun and he was so perfect it was difficult to breathe looking at him. I must have been staring because Matiu started laughing and Mika raised his eyebrows at me in question.

"You look lovely too," I almost squeaked. "Thanks for preparing the food. I'll sort out the drinks," I added in a rush and made a quick exit to the kitchen to compose myself. I was hot and flustered already. This was going to be a long night. I reached into the top cupboard for glasses and I felt Mika behind me.

"Let me get those," he murmured deeply into my ear and pressed against my back as he reached up for the glasses. His body was warm and solid against me. He reached around to place the glasses on the counter in front of me. My body was hyper aware of him and his breathing sounded laboured. There was silence for a few seconds and the heated tension between us made me tingly. He pushed his broad chest to my back and softly lifted my hair to one side. I tilted my head to the side instinctively exposing my neck and for a second, I thought he was going to kiss me there but instead he gently stroked the delicate necklace he'd bought me.

"I love that you're wearing this," he growled deeply.

"I love that you gave it to me," I said in a throaty voice that didn't sound like me at all.

He lowered his head and breathed in my scent. I was glad I'd sprayed on my favourite citrus perfume. His lips were close to my neck and I desperately wanted to feel his mouth on me. We were interrupted by a knock on the front door. He stepped away from me and I shook my head out of my daze.

"I'll get the door," I said quickly. He didn't attempt to move out of the way, forcing me to brush my front against him in the small kitchen. I didn't look up but I could feel his heated gaze.

I opened the door and it was Scott. "Hi, sorry I'm a little early. I hope you don't mind," he said smiling charmingly.

"No, it's fine," I answered brightly, feeling a little flushed.

"Are you alright? You didn't start drinking without me did you?" he asked suspiciously.

"No. Not yet."

"Nice dress," he said and handed me a bottle of wine along with flowers.

"Wow, thanks. You didn't have to."

"Yeah you really didn't have to," said a deep voice behind me. Mika's solid arm came around my waist and pulled me into him. It was possessive but also made me feel giddy. Scott raised his eyebrows taking in Mika's arm around me and then held his hand out.

"Mika, right? I'm Scott."

Mika kept one arm around me and shook his hand a little too strongly, making Scott narrow his eyes.

"Let me get you a drink Scott and I'll put these flowers in some water," I said. Mika sneered at the flowers as I pulled out of his embrace and they both followed me into the small kitchen. Mika leaned against the countertop and stared at Scott who looked a little bemused as he sat down at the breakfast bar. I thought I noticed Scott glance at my legs and my dress while I poured his drink. This was the strangest situation. I handed a glass of wine to Scott and he gave me an overly flirty wink causing Mika to scowl. For some reason I thought Scott was deliberately trying to rile Mika and I could've kicked him for it. As I handed Mika his bottle of beer his fingers lingered over mine deliberately and I nearly rolled my eyes at the public display in front of Scott.

"So how long have you two been friends?" asked Scott, putting emphasis on the last word.

"About two years now," I said smiling awkwardly. "Oh, how was your Christmas?" I tried to steer the conversation in different direction.

"It was fine. Visited the parents but there's only so much family time you can handle you know. I was glad to get back to my life. How about you?"

"It was wonderful. The kids were spoilt, more by Mika than me but they loved it."

He looked at Mika, "That's nice that you look out for each other's kids."

"I see those kids as my own," grunted Mika as he lifted his beer and took a long swig. "We're family."

"I suppose but you live so far away, I guess you're like distant relatives," said Scott. "I mean, Hannah and I see each other most days."

"How nice for you," said Mika, putting down his beer a little harshly and Scott smiled.

"Scott's a bit of a rugby fan, isn't that right Scott?" I asked, trying to change the subject again.

"Yeah. I couldn't believe it when Hannah said she was friends with the infamous Mika Cooper. You were a big celebrity. I remember seeing pictures of you with your wife all over the internet and magazines. You looked like the perfect couple." Scott was stirring but his words acted as a sobering reminder that Mika was in fact still married and not yet divorced.

"I'm a lot happier with my life now," said Mika, looking at me. "Though, you're right. It would be a lot better if Hannah and the kids lived closer."

"Well she has some good friends here who are looking out for her," added Scott with a smug smile. Mika glared at him and I saw his big hands twitch. Scott was pushing his buttons and they both knew it. Thankfully my mother walked into the room at that moment. Her eyebrows raised in surprise at seeing the three of us there and she politely introduced herself to Scott.

"I've heard a lot about you," he said. "Hannah talks about you all the time." She smiled and invited him into the living room so she could introduce him to everyone. That left me alone with Mika.

"So he's just a friend then?" he asked. I could feel the tension radiating from him.

"Yes. I told you. He just gives me a lift to work."

"He wants you Hannah." His voice was seething.

"No. It's not like that Mika. For some reason I think he just enjoys pushing your buttons."

"I don't like him," he added, folding his arms.

"Yeah, I think you made that clear."

He was about to say something else but I walked past him holding up my hands and said, "It's New Years' Eve. Let's just enjoy the night okay?"

The evening got progressively worse as both men butted heads over every conversation. Mika was watching me constantly. He glowered when Scott squeezed in next to me on the couch leaving Mika to sit with the kids on the other sofa. My mother and the kids kept giggling but I felt frazzled and drank a little too much to calm my nerves. I was a bit tipsy at midnight and as we all stood up to hug one another an arm come around me and before I could react someone's lips locked on to mine. When I opened my eyes, I realised it was Scott. In the next second, I felt his body removed from mine as he was thrown on to the couch. Mika had him by the collar and growled at him, "Keep your mouth to yourself. She's not yours."

"She's not yours either," Scott shouted, gasping for breath.

When I got over the shock of being kissed, I realised I needed to intervene. I tried to pull Mika off him but he was too strong.

"That's where you're wrong," I heard Mika murmur to Scott.

"You're married. You're selfish and just don't want anyone else to have her," Scott said, which made Mika pull his collar tighter in his fists.

The kids were watching in awe like it was the most entertaining thing they'd ever seen. Finally Matiu helped me pull Mika away from Scott who was gasping for air.

"Okay, we've all had a bit too much to drink. I think it's time to call it a night," I said, trying to calm everyone down. I thought the kids would be traumatised but they were all on the verge of laughing.

"Kids, help me tidy up and then bed," I ordered. "Scott I'll call you a taxi." I was not happy with Scott for kissing me and he hadn't apologised for it but he was drunk and would probably regret it tomorrow. After he finally left, I confronted Mika.

"What was all that about?" I asked Mika, standing in front of him in the kitchen.

"Are you kidding me? What was all that about? He had his mouth all over you. Was I supposed to just sit there?" he shouted.

"That was my business and it was up to me to say something to him."

"I don't think so Hannah. It's lucky I was here. I'm not going to sit there and watch that crap."

"Oh but I had to sit there and watch you and Lucy playing happy families. That was after you'd kissed me, I'd like to add." He winced at that.

"I'm sorry about what happened with Lucy. I know I messed everything up. My head was all over the place when she came back and I wanted the kids to have a normal life. I was stupid and selfish. I'd give anything to go back to what we had. I can't stop thinking about it Hannah. Do you think I don't I lie there at night thinking about what I could have had with you? You can't imagine how much I regret getting back with Lucy. The only good to come out of it is that she's gone for good now and I'm getting a divorce. I'm finally free to move on. It's made me realise more than anything what I really want and that's you Hannah."

I gasped. It's the first time he'd ever told me how he felt. "You hurt me Mika. I don't know if I can ever get past that. Watching the two of you together was hell for me."

"I know and I'm so sorry," he reached for me but I stepped back.

"I can't go there Mika, I'm sorry. Plus you're still married. She could change her mind at any time and waltz back into your life. You'd choose her again in a second."

"You really think that?" he looked hurt. "After everything she's done, you really think I'd have her back?" My silence confirmed that's exactly what I thought. "Am I ever going to be able to convince you?" he asked annoyed.

I looked away from him because I wasn't sure he ever would. Mika turned around and stormed up the stairs to my room. There was nowhere to go, so I was left with no choice but to sleep in the same bed as Mika. I gave it a little time so he'd fall asleep before I went up. He was turned on his side away from me when I came to bed in my comfy pyjamas. Exhaustion eventually took over and I drifted to sleep.

An involuntary groan escaped me at the ecstasy of strong lips kissing my neck and my eyes shot open. It was morning and I was trapped in Mika's arms while his mouth was doing wonderful things. I wasn't sure he was fully awake and I knew I had to stop him. Despite the extreme attraction between us, I couldn't trust him not to hurt me again. Until his divorce was finalised, we'd never be free of Lucy. That thought cleared my head and I pulled away. He tugged me back and I whispered loudly enough for him to hear but so as not to wake the kids. "Mika, wake up," I said sharply and lightly pinched his arm.

He murmured in his deep timbre then his body went still. I knew he was awake then. "What happened?" he grumbled in my ear.

"You've been feasting on my neck," I giggled. "Never took you to be a vampire."

He groaned and pulled his arms away. "I knew it wasn't a good idea to sleep in your bed but I couldn't resist. I fight to keep my hands off you most of the time but I have no control when I'm asleep. Sorry."

"You find it difficult to keep your hands off me?" I asked bewildered, still facing away from him.

"Of course. You know I'm insanely attracted to you," he said.

"No I didn't know that. I thought it was one sided."

He turned me around to face him. "Are you serious?"

I shrugged my shoulder, "Yeah."

He pulled a hand through his hair as he faced me. "I can barely look at you without wanting to hold you, kiss you or touch you. You're mine Hannah. You have been since we met. That's why I got so mad when Scott kissed you. I won't share you Hannah."

My jaw dropped at his words. "But we're not together Mika. We haven't been since you got back with Lucy."

He took a deep breath. "I know. I don't know how many times I have to say sorry. Seeing him kiss you last night almost killed me so I can't imagine what it was like for when Lucy moved in. I'll never forgive myself for that. I know I have a lot of making up to do but I know what I want. You're it for me Hannah. I'm going to make you see that we're meant to be together. I'm not giving up."

I shook my head and he held my chin. "I have patience," he said. "I'll wait. I'm playing the long game because you and me, it's meant to be."

His words were overwhelming. It was everything I wanted to hear but couldn't bear to listen to. I shot up out of the bed and said, "I need to go and make breakfast." He sighed and gave me a knowing look. I tried not to notice how perfect he looked in my bed. It took everything not climb back in and have him wrap his arms around me. He was still married, I reminded myself again. As long as I kept thinking that, I was safe.

The tension built over the next two days and I could feel my willpower slipping. I'd slept in the same bed as Mika for three nights and each morning I'd woken up to him spooning me, kissing my neck despite the barrier of blankets I'd put between us each night. When the day came for Mika and the kids to go home, I was deeply conflicted. I wanted them to stay but was also thankful as I wasn't sure how much longer I could resist Mika. We were both in Daniel's room as I did a final check to ensure Niko had packed all his things when Mika asked, "So, you're back in work tomorrow?"

"Yeah," I sighed.

"Is Scott picking you up?" he asked grimly.

"I'm not sure. I need to text and ask him. I haven't spoken to him since New Year so I don't know if it'll be weird."

"Let me buy you a car. I don't want you taking rides off him. I don't trust him."

"No Mika. You're not buying me a car. Anyway they're too expensive to run. Also, I'm sure Scott feels bad about what happened. He was just drunk."

Mika growled and pulled his hands through his hair in frustration, which he seemed to do a lot around me. "When will you realise Hannah. That guy wants you but he needs to realise he's not having you. You're mine and I'm not sharing you."

"He doesn't want me and I'm not yours Mika. I'm nobody's but my own."

He stepped forward and cupped my face in his hand then stooped so we were eye level. "Yes, you are mine. You just don't realise it yet but you will. Oh and about the car. It's actually already sorted. All paid for and it's being delivered tonight so you'd better use it. I'll pay the petrol." Before I could say anything, he walked out carrying Niko's overnight bag. Once again, he'd left me speechless but there was no way I was keeping that car.

It was heart wrenching saying goodbye to them all again. I wished I was going home with them but I'd made a new life for us and couldn't disrupt everyone's lives again only to risk Lucy coming back. As they were leaving Mika bent down and whispered into my ear, "Think about what I said. It's going to happen between us Hannah. Oh and don't even think about taking that car back." He kissed my cheek gently and walked to the car.

His words sent shivers through me and I was a little scared at his certainty that we'd be together. His divorce wouldn't be through until September and anything could happen in the meantime.

##  **Chapter 16**

Over the next few months Mika called every day and we spoke more than when we'd lived together. Lucy hadn't asked to see the kids again, which disgusted us both. All she was interested in was the divorce money. Mika was still jealous of Scott even though I assured him the only interaction we'd had since New Year was awkward but polite conversation in the office seeing as I'd kept the car Mika bought me.

The kids were growing up too fast. Luke was talking about going away to university with his girlfriend when they were eighteen. Daniel had finally gotten together with Kayleigh when Alex Lewis had left for university. Mrs Lewis was all alone in their big house after her husband left her for his long-term mistress and while I wouldn't gloat, I couldn't help but feel she got what she deserved.

In the summer, Mika and I got the family together for a holiday at a beautiful lakeside cabin. With the kids getting older I hoped it wouldn't be last time we'd all be together. It just felt so right being together.

"What's the smile for?" Mika asked, as we sat out on the porch looking at the breathtaking view of the mountains and lakes.

"I'm just happy. This place is beautiful. I'm here with my family," I said wistfully.

"Well, this could be permanent you know. Us, together with our family." He leaned forward in his seat next to mine.

"Mika, we've been through this."

He held his fingers up to my lips before I could go on. "I had a call from my solicitor this morning. The divorce is through. I'm free." He smiled broadly at me from the seat next to me.

"What?" I asked in disbelief. I'd been convinced something would get in the way of his divorce and Lucy would come back. "How long have you known? Why didn't you tell me?"

"A couple of hours. I wanted time to let it sink in and decide how to make my next move," he said looking at me seriously.

"I wondered what you were smiling about at breakfast," I exclaimed. "Oh Mika I can't believe it." I launched myself at him and gave him a hug.

He started laughing and said, "I guess that means you're happy then? That's good." He squeezed me tight and into my hair, said, "I wasn't sure how you felt about things. I've been holding back while I was waiting for the divorce to come through but we need to talk."

"Okay," I said hesitantly pulling back and sat back down.

"I don't want to waste any more time Hannah. I want you in my home living back with us. I want you in my bed. I want all of you, every day not just twice a year. If you'll still have us, please come back home." He looked at me and waited for a response and my face heated at his admission.

I shook my head trying to straighten my thoughts. "What about my job? The kids are at just settled into a new school. I mean Luke has a girlfriend now and a job." I knew deep down it was just fear talking.

Mika grabbed my hand. "You can work from home like you used to do. You're doing that most of the time anyway. Admit it, the kids would love to be back with us. Luke's eighteen in a couple of months. I'm sure he can cope living with us until he goes to university. No more excuses Hannah. I've waited a year for this. I want you back with me and I'm not taking no for an answer."

"You don't have to feel obligated out of your duty to Josh. We can take care of ourselves."

"You know it has nothing to do with Josh anymore Hannah. I love you. I love the kids. You're my family. At some point I want you to be my wife but I know I have to earn that. Come back home Hannah. Please trust this. Trust us." He grabbed my hands in his tightly and stared at me expectantly. To hear him say he loved me caught my breath.

My feelings for him hadn't changed, despite everything. A year apart had only made me miss him more and I was sick of missing out on chances. "Yes. The answer's yes. I'd love to move back in with you. I love you too Mika. You know I've loved you for a long time and I do trust you. I do trust us."

"This looks cosy," announced Matiu who chose that moment to interrupt and sat on the seat opposite us with his breakfast. "What's happening?"

"You pick your moments mate," Mika grumbled and I started laughing. With so many kids there'd always be interruptions and drama but I wouldn't choose to have it any other way.

"Do you want to tell him or shall I?" I giggled.

"Hannah and the kids are moving back in with us," Mika said. "As in, Hannah's moving in as my girlfriend and we're going to be a proper family. I've finally had the divorce through."

"Are you kidding? That's brilliant," he said. Sadly, Matiu, Maia and Niko had to accept a long time ago that Lucy was never what they'd hoped for. "I need to tell the others," he said excitedly, standing up and getting ready to go in.

"Wait sport. Not yet. We want to tell everyone together," warned Mika. "As soon as everyone's out of bed we'll have a family meeting."

Matiu nodded and smiled knowingly. "So dad, I think we should have the talk. If you're going to be sharing a room with a woman, make sure you play it safe."

I went bright red and Mika pretended to reach out and grab him. "How about I give you a life lesson son?" Mika growled. Matiu laughed as he dodged his dad's arm. "You're too easy dad," he said cockily as he sauntered away. The rest of our large family started piling down the stairs and into the dining room for breakfast a while later.

"We've got something to tell you all," I said.

Before I could continue, Matiu piped up, "They're back together. Dad's divorce is through."

"Matiu!" Mika shouted but everyone squealed.

"Is it true?" Kat asked me and I nodded. Maia gave me a delighted hug and Amy hugged Mika. AS we let the news sink in, Mika pulled me away from the chatter and back outside on to the deck. He closed the door behind us.

"Is everything okay?" I asked, worried he'd changed his mind.

"Yes. Everything is great. We got interrupted before I got chance to do something."

"What?"

Mika held my face in his large hands and his hazel eyes looked down at me with so much love it took my breath away. Gruffly he said, "This." Then he smashed his lips to mine. He pushed me back against the wall of the cabin. His strong body held me in place and I could feel his hard muscles against me. The kiss deepened and I groaned. Mika growled hungrily into my mouth. We both wanted more and I had to break free on a gasp before things got too far. He didn't move out of my space, not willing to let me go. I knew how he felt and couldn't get enough of him either. He looked down at me with longing in his eyes.

"I need you Hannah," he whispered.

"Soon," I answered, touching the stubble along his strong jaw. I ran my hand through his beautiful hair and knew I'd never ever tire of looking at him. He gazed at me hungrily like he'd never get his fill of me.

"You know I'm never letting you go. When we get back, you're packing your things and tonight, you're bunking in with me," he ordered. I giggled at how bossy he was being but I loved it.

"I love you Mika. I almost can't believe this is happening. I've loved you for so long this doesn't feel real."

"I love you too Hannah. I'm sorry it took me so long to make things right." He put his forehead to mine and whispered, "You know, I wanted you from the moment I met you. I stupidly tried to push you away out of loyalty to Josh. I lost Josh and found the love of my life. I'll always be grateful to him for that."

"Me too," I said.

"I love you so much it hurts to look at you," he said, closing his eyes as he held my face.

I gazed at him in astonishment. "That's how I feel. It's a good hurt though isn't it?"

He opened his hazel eyes that promised me our forever. "It's the best hurt," he moaned as his lips came down to mine.

The End

# Thank You

I would like to say a huge thank you for taking the time to read this book.

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