

## Your Pow-wow with

## Almighty God, Brother Jesus, the Holy Spirt, and Satan

## ipam

Smashwords Edition Copyright 2018 Pamela Joan Barlow Smashwords Edition, License Notes This ebook is licensed for your personal enjoyment only. This ebook may not be re-sold or given away to other people. If you would like to share this book with another person, please purchase an additional copy for each recipient. If you're reading this book and did not purchase it, or it was not purchased for your use only, then please return to Smashwords.com and purchase your own copy. Thank you for respecting the hard work of this author.

A spiritual walk occurs within your soul and the final meet and greet with the four greatest superpowers in the universe.

Present day and place

Month of November (Black Friday event)

11:46 p.m.

Cold temperatures and dark night with bright stars

Retail department store. Somewhere. USA.

Driver's seat setting

I pull the long trigger on the single automatic sub-machine gun with an extended magazine that carried a set of additional ammunition for dozens of rounds while violently banging my flesh against the door handle. The sub-machine gun is wrapped and taped onto the open driver's window like a hostage beside my left elbow feeling like a sweet lover's kiss on the flesh inside the old beat up four door sedan.

The sedan easily holds four adults and two children.

I beautifully smile at my handy work.

The long pointy bullets fly one-at-a-time and then penetrate with ease into many sets of soft flesh and hard bone skulls, arms, legs, and other body organs, while the silencer hugs the barrel with tiny bursts of whamp sounds blasting into the earwax and then back out of both of my ears.

I grin with glee.

The soft sounds of the machine gun ping each victim as he or she or they fall forward, back, and against the next victim. They continued to stand and line-up like a set of funky undrilled soldier line against the brick wall beside a group of numerous small and big males and females consisting of old, young, and mature age of years here on Planet Earth.

I watch the dark blood splatter dance within my acute vision on each exposed pale glowing face between the bright flood lighting as a set of creepy dark blood rains down and then decorates on each fallen body. I smile with joy continuing to roll the sedan slowly forward in motion like a one-hundred-year adult turtle, easing down an empty road and watch each folding body tumble like a pile of dry leaves on a windy autumn day.

The sub-machine silencer wimps like a beaten puppy with the last bullet. I slap my leather glove against a second sub-machine gun which is taped on the opposite end of the driver's open window on my borrowed sedan. I continue the shooting, missing one or two upright bodies with a snort of frustration.

Folks finally get it and start to panic, galloping off like a herd of wild free mustangs away from the solid wall of the bricked building. I speed the sedan ahead a little faster, before my individual delicious prey disappears into the darkness, foreverly.

I hit short and tall persons either sitting down on top of the vanilla tinted sidewalk or leaning sideways against the brick wall and as I rapidly speed the sedan toward the overcrowded entry doors in front of the retail department store on Black Friday, a night of violent and vicious retail shopping, also. Then, I lift my boot toe off the gasoline pedal as my borrowed sedan slows down the speed. I blast two more rounds into a set of siting, stationary sleepy folks, where the brick and glass kisses each other.

Glass windows crack and shatter like a nuclear bomb that beautifully explodes into a zillion pieces, blowing numerous sharp fragments everywhere within my twinkling eyeballs.

Then I hear a set of annoying musical sirens coming from numerous police cars that are streaking down the smooth gray colored road pavement. I blaze a trail of bullet holes against the rest of the solid brick walls, the sitting dark wooden benches, the lovely short row of flowering plants, numerous parked vehicles, and then more standing persons. The building walls tumble down in small, medium and large-sized crumbles of red clay onto each tall and small glowing pale meat of flesh (people) with a set of small ignited tanks of gas and several oil induced fires within the brick walled background of the Lo-Mart store.

I soar ahead down the parking lot and then twist the wheel to the right, twirling the tires against the smooth pavement, driving toward the roadway. I successful get out of Lo-Mart parking lot and rapidly drive through the city of Somewhere within the United States of America. I lazily burn the rest of the cartridge of bullets into a short row of lovingly green tinted miniature trees as each tree arm-length limb breaks off and then falls drop from the semi-dead tree, landing onto the smooth road pathway behind my borrowed sedan for all of the advancing set of rubber tires.

Then, a straight line of police cars stomp and then brake against the opposing rear bumpers and front bumpers, creating a major traffic chaos inside the parking lot lane.

I swirl the sedan to the left and then to the right like a race car driver bolting through the green...naw...red traffic at the street intersection on Maple Road and the interstate ramp. All the nice approaching drivers swirl against each other's car to avoid my borrowed sedan. I twirl to the right onto Maple Road speeding in an easterly direction toward the overpass interstate bridge with a set of new annoying police cars that chase after my car. I brilliantly weave inside the left roadway burning the precious bullets into the dry grass bed.

I whip the sedan back into the correct driving lane while blasting a set of sub-machine bullets at each passing vehicle. Each passing vehicle prettily explodes into an array of beautiful blue and yellow colors, delaying all of the annoying police cars. Then I slap down on the brakes, slowing down at the red traffic light.

I cut off the sedan back into the wrong driving lane and tap the front bumper, tossing my sedan into a dizzy out of control spin within both my eyeballs and my car wheels. I lift up my hands and my feet from the car's controls twirling like a set of helicopter's rotor blades.

I hit down into the semi-deep dirt ditch between the roadway and the grass medium crunching the front bumper and the front engine grill down into the wet grass.

On top of the roadway, a huddle of parked police cars releases an army of tan colored uniform that represent a wave of police officers with a handgun attacking the stationary pose of the wrecked car surrounding the murderous driver like a picnic basket of goodies.

Inside the tilted sedan, in the driver's seat, I lift up both my pair of red tinted gloves over my black tinted hair roots.

One of the brave cops reaches down and opens the driver's door, saying with angry sneer to the murderous driver. "Get out slowly! Keep your hands where I can see them over your head!"

Inside the front seat, I slowly slide a cowgirl boot down one-at-a-time landing on top of the wet grass with a smile.

A second bold police officer reaches over and pushes the murderous driver down into the wetness of the soft dirt.

I fall over and then kneecap down into the moist soil while continuing to hold both gloves hands over the hair roots with a smile.

Then, a female police officer kneels down and leans over, cuffing the wrist bones of the murderous driver behind the back spine. A set of faint voices of soprano, tenor, baritone, and alto sing a sorry-ass tune into each eardrum on the murderous driver about all of the poor innocent victims in front of the Lo-Mart retail department store on Nameless Road within Somewhere, USA.

A set of four hands reach down and grab each collar bone on the prisoner, helping the murderous driver to stand upright in the wet grass and soft dirt.

I twist around and move ahead toward one of the running police cars with a set of red and blue lights while blinking my pair of eyeballs blind from the bright colors. I stop and then slide down into the rear seat which is located behind a tiny set of baby squares on the cabin cage that protects the driver and front passenger from hurt of the captured prisoner.

Two police officers slid down and enter each front seats. The driver jerks the gear into drive with a sour frown and a soft sneer, moving ahead around the parked vehicles toward the police station.

Inside the rear seat, I feel the drive train jolt into motion, leaning back into the worn seat, closing my eyelashes with a smooth smile.

12:12 a.m.

Saturday morning

Police station location

Prisoner interrogation room number one setting

I slowly exit out from the police car with the aid of two growling police officers, turning around, stomping through a curved archway of white in my set of tough-girl handcuffs and walk underneath the police station sign. I cut my eyeballs to each frozen pink-tinted tongue of every stationary police officer as each officer displays mouth drool hanging down from an open mouth. Each pair of eyeballs stare at the murderous driver that has killed numerous innocent souls of children, men, women, teens, toddlers, and grandmas.

I prance by the police information desk which is a row of cheap office desks and then stop in front the wall of vertical steel bars.

Inside the wall of vertical steel bars, a caged police officer snarls directly at the murderous driver and then opens the jail house door. The female police officer reaches over and shoves the murderous driver through the open archway of the jail house.

I dance into the animal cage and move between two solid walls without a single lovely family portrait or a nice forest woodlands picture toward a third squared shaped archway of dull white.

Four sets of fanged police officers a.k.a two police dogs meet and greet the murderous driver with her two police officer escorts. Then the police officer dog owners snarl in sweet harmony at the murderous driver, too, tapping a set of fingers on a holstered hand gun.

A solid metal door in dark green tint opens.

I cut my eyeballs to the unknown male who holds the door open for a lady, which ain't me.

I enter inside the tiny room and swirl around a long square wooden table with a set of four chairs that contain four persons. They continued to sit with a protected butthole in front of two police dogs, the four police guards, the four double-barreled shotguns, and a double-barred metal green tinted entrance door.

A solo chair waits on the other side of the long square wooden table. I turn and stumble into my new chair with the assistance of the nasty growling female officer, sitting down into the hard chair as the set of girly handcuffs rattles. The nasty growling female police officer scoots backwards and stands against the solid white wall with a sour frown, staring down at the rear skull of the murderous driver.

The first chair with a slender middle-aged female does not smile but nods to the murderous driver, "Good afternoon. I am investigator..."

I decide to show off my accurate but rude Southern social manners starting with the person next to my left eyeball with a sweet timber and a smile. "Hi there, Mrs. married Christian psyche social girl, Miss single Christian police woman, Mr. single Christian lawyer boy, and Mr. married Christian preacher man."

"Jeezus," Mrs. married Christian psyche social girl sneers with fury, who is a psychologist with the USA Department of Public Health. She is here inside the private jail cell of the murderess to figure out if the murderous driver is sane or insane enough to stand up on a pair of boot toes in a court of legal for the mass murdering of innocent souls in front of the Lo-Mart retail department store.

"You should not use the Lord's name in vain. That's breaking the first rule of the total ten commandants which is one of Almighty God's rules." I smile and state the information coming from The Holy Bible.

"Bring us a large plastic red tinted water pitch and a set of plastic glasses. I believe we will be here, awhile." Mr. married Christian preacher man flings his hand near a sour frown while staring at the murderous driver. "And remove her set of hand cuffs, please. Since, she will be here awhile, too." smirking.

I blink at the pretty object that is fluttering around the forward wall corner with the greatest amount of warm bright light inside the enclosed four-walled room, without a set of shiny glass windows of the moonlight beans. "A butterfly has flown into the police station." All eyelids continued to stare at the murderous driver. I point at the butterfly with a giggle and a nod, "Over by the wall corner, there is a fluttering flying butterfly. The symbol of a beautiful butterfly means transformation, a changing into a new you."

Mr. single Christian lawyer sits on the end of the table and asks with calmness but fury inside his set of twisting guts with a stern face at the murderess. "Would you like to explain why you murdered all these sweet kids and innocent people in front of the Lo-Mart retail department store on here in Someplace, USA?"

I turn and smile at the nice lawyer. "I'm a really bad fortune teller for telling my past, present, and fate. But, there are some awesomely talent persons within the coup."

Mr. married Christian preacher man frowns. "Coup? Are you referencing the physical symbol of a hen house that holds a set of chicken hens and all its un-hatched eggs? Is this correct, Miss Smith?"

I smile with a nod. "Almighty God took all the good names, like flock and lamb." I slowly lean across the hard surface of the empty table. Each person gasps in fear and then swiftly jerks backwards from the murderous driver into the padded chair. I giggle with a smile. "You must admit seeing a tiny woolly vanilla coated sweet little lamb is a lot cuter than a dark brown poopy covered dang dull white chicken hen. Don't you eat more chicken than lamb? Right, slick?"

Mr. married Christian preacher man leans forward with a sour frown. "I am very confused, Miss Smith. I do not understand how chickens, lambs, a coup, or a flock fits into your legal confession of mowing down a solid brick wall of innocent children and their precious mamas."

I eye roll with a laugh and then look at each face while confusing the set of poor humans. "I am created by a supernatural entity. Therefore, I talk and walk and chew pink bubble gum all the same time."

Mr. married Christian preacher man nods with a stern face at the murderess. "I'm most curious, Miss Smith. You seem to repeat quite frequently the name of Almighty God. I would think saying the name of Almighty God would bother you in some form or fashion..."

"Fiction there!" I turn and wink to Mr. married Christian preacher man. "Will I explode into fragments of white bones and pink flesh? No sir! God is good. God is great. God knows everything. Does that prove someone's lame point of Almighty God's wrath on my butthole, sir?"

"You are very well-manned, cordial, and proper in your language and your Southern etiquette manners, Miss Smith? Could you explain that particular behavior to me, Miss Smith?" Mr. single Christian lawyer boy nods with a smile of good social manners of a southern gentleman. He had been taught by his Southern mother.

"Except for the occasional cussing..." Mrs. married Christian psyche social-girl curls a nasty snarl into her right nostril which will permanently stick, some day.

"Except for that occasional drink, it is whiskey. Am I right, Miss single Christian police woman? And except for that occasion sex, it is your favorite love affair boy toy. Am I right, Mrs. married Christian psyche social girl? And that occasional naked and nasty photo, it is your favorite pornography web site. Am I right, Mr. married Christian preacher man?" I smile as the set of four police guards softly chuckle with amusement at my honest truth of the three humans, who are trapped inside a tiny room, without a set of glass viewing windows or a holstered hand gun either.

"I will not take this nasty abuse to my person." Mr. married Christian preacher man swiftly stands with a sneer from the chair, sliding sideways from the table edge with an obese, smelly, and heavy body while rocking the wooden chair side to side. He stares with a sour frown at the forward wall of white. He swiftly spins around to face the closed solid metal green tinted entrance doors, moving ahead and away from the silly grin of Miss Smith.

Miss single Christian police woman quickly stands upright from her chair without a smile, sliding sideways from the table edge also, spinning around with a sour frown, rapidly moving behind the preacher-man toward the same closed entrance door.

"She's crazier than a sick rabid dog." Mrs. married Christian psyche social girl swiftly stands upright from the chair but continues to stare with a smirk at Miss Smith. "She should be eliminated like a sick rabid dog." She slips sideway and then spin around with a smile waddling her fat butthole toward the closed door of the interrogation room also.

The door opens for the three humans.

I continue to sit and focus on the last man with a smile and a nod. "Hmm! Mr. single Christian lawyer boy is both tried and true."

He nods with a smile. "I appreciate the compliment. How do you know about the other...?" Mr. single Christian lawyer boys looks back over a collar bone with a smirk and watches. The last person, the big fanny of the female leaves the interrogation room.

The door closes shut again.

He returns back with a stern face to Miss Smith in silence while waiting for an explanation.

"...felonies." I smile. "Let's call it my girly institution. Well, the horse show is done. So, I will answer your sweet question while smiling at your handsome face, Mr. single Christian lawyer boy. I am raised here like you, since our mamas and daddies insist upon good manners, including properly respectful social behaviors as a set of youngsters."

He stares at her without taking down any written notes on top of the paper pad. "Might I point out that you have violated your proper southern manners by murdering in cold-blood all these innocent men, women, and children that lined against a solid brick wall at the Lo-Mart department store at 11:45 pm with a set of two sub-machine guns inside your sedan. How in the world does that count as a southern proper respectful behavior, Miss Smith?"

"The sedan wasn't mine. I stole it, before the murders just to get that vocal confession on my courtroom recording. And let me add that I'm an evil being, not a bad person. There is a great big difference in the conceptual relationship thing. But, I don't really expect a Christian or a set of Christians to understand or get it as ya'll rednecks say so often," smiling.

He nods. "I'm both a Christian and a redneck, but I still don't get it or get you. Please elaborate, Miss Smith!"

I smile. "I would like to ask. Why does a Christian or a group of Christians continue to up build the steel and metal machines that kill all the other Christian brothers and sisters? Why can't all Christians be nice to each other as the Holy Bible writes?"

He looks down to see the empty notepad with a sign and then back to see Miss Smith with a stern face. "I am afraid that is not how life works."

"Yes, it does for a set of Christians. But..."

He smiles. "Why don't you tell me about the incident at Lo-Mart around midnight, last night?"

"War." I smile.

"War is a part of life like death." He nods.

"War makes a set of Christian leaders and heroes with might and fright." I giggle with a grin.

"So, being a Christian here within this USA town, you have solely declared war on all other citizens. Is that your goal, here, Miss Smith? Since, you accomplished lots of dead bodies last night." He frowns with confusion.

"I believe a songwriter tattled an excellent set of the bold English words in a popular song while accidentally revealing one secret of the universe." I lean forward with a wink and a smile. "The good die young, slick!" I slam back into the hard chair with a laugh and a grin.

He exhales with frustration and a stern face. "Miss Smith, please answer for me as a Christian! How are you supposed to overcome this terrible tragedy in your future days, years, and decades of your predicted violence and destruction?"

I smile with a nod. "Ah! What are these famous words? Hope. Love. Faith."

"I...I can say for shore we are all good boys and girls that live around these parts practice those three famous words, almost every minute. Hope for a better life. Love for our family and friends. And faith in Almighty God."

"Rednecks," I smile with a laugh. "I admire these boys and girls. They make a living from absolutely nothing, protect their wacky kinfolks foreverly, work hard to get into heaven permanently, and love Almighty God with a beating heart plus a blessed soul. Amen!"

"Some rednecks are a set of true warriors of Almighty God, too." Mr. single Christian lawyer boy smiles.

"Hallelujah!" I sing with a smile and a nod.

"You quote all the biblical words, phases, and sentences, very well, Miss Smith." Mr. single Christian lawyer boy smiles.

I frown. "And why may I ask that you do not?"

He gasps with confusion. "Please, pardon your question!"

I smile. "I have noticed that you do not quote the Holy Scripture in your sentence structure. Ain't the Holy Bible your personal instruction manual for soul teaching and spiritual learning?"

He shakes a skull with a stern face. "I'm afraid that we're off track of the subject, which is you, Miss Smith. You have committed a heinous crime of humanity against the entire human race here on Planet Earth."

The solid door opens.

Mrs. married Christian psyche social girl stands inside the archway with a smile at the murderous driver. "I'm back, Miss Smith. And I would like to provide some healthy guidance for your defensive prosecution in a court of legal law." She moved ahead and stopped, standing at the edge of long table without sitting, leaning over the chair with a smirk.

I smirk, "Goody-good for you, cutie!"

Mrs. married Christian psyche social girl exhales. "I have some very important advice, before your scheduled upcoming death execution. You must open your heart and then grieve out with all of your sinful crimes. You must open your eyes and then cry out with all of your terrible crimes. This will happen to you, too, Miss Smith. You must allow yourself to grieve. Do not hold it in and do not think that sadness comes with a deadline. When it is time to move along, it will happen. Everyone grieves differently. When a shift of hate become a gleam of grievance, this comes right before they toss that deadly electrical switch inside your electrical death chair, then you will have made a new transition into a new afterlife, Miss Smith."

I smile with a laugh. "Sister, ya can really bullshit with the best of them, Mrs. married Christian psyche social girl. But, I am warning ya'll. I'll be back for some more fun and games with all of ya'll, later, slick."

Miss single Christian police woman appears and then stands inside the archway with a sour frown, after viewing the murderous driver inside the interrogation room behind the reflection mirror. "Please take Miss Smith back to her assigned padded jail cell. Watch her for any and all signs of unusual psychotic behavior and then report that behavior to her assigned psychiatrist, as soon as possible."

Mrs. married Christian psyche social girl spin around with a worried brow to see the police woman. "What about her videotaped interview in here? This woman is totally crazy. Worse! She's a loony toony with a touch of pure mind insanity. I plan to present a case of traumatic shell shock, so she'll be locked into the best mental ward until her body is needed for the public murderess trial. She can't escape for the police and their guard dogs," grinning.

"She should be placed against a wall and shot with a hand gun and without the blindfold." Mr. married Christian preacher man had appeared with a grin and stood beside the police office while staring at the pair of big breasts on the murderous driver.

"I concur." Mrs. married Christian psyche social girl nods to the preacher man and then the police woman.

I slowly stand without assistance from my chair, turning with a smile to see Mr. married Christian preacher man. "Love grows cold." Then, I look down with a smile to see Mr. single Christian lawyer boy. "Please, allow me to give you some good advice, lawyer-boy. As you move forward in your journey of life, you need to stay aware. But, if you feel like you are going backwards in life, then accept it. Life ain't always a straight line from point A to point B as it is taught in your tenth grade geometry class. Life is like a crookedly snake. Hiss!" I giggle at my cute snake sound. "I'm sorry. It just slipped out. Sometimes, it's fun to take a minute or two to twirl your skirt around and see what you have passed over and then failed. Then, you reach down and gather up your hemline and continue stomping your boot toes forward onto a wonderful pathway of love and light Amen!"

He smiles with a nod. "Thanks for that statement of wise wisdom, Miss Smith."

I smile. "My first name is Eve." Then I slide sideways from the table and slowly move ahead toward the open archway with a smirk.

Month of July. Saturday evening

6:02 p.m.

City of Pointsville within USA

Home of Mr. and Mrs. Burden location

Dining room setting

Hot temperatures and bright sunshine

He tosses the ink pen onto the dining room table hard surface, watching it roll off the edge while running all his fingers through a balding skull with a loud shout of worry. "Bills! Bills! Bills and more bills, without any more money! Money! Money! Money and more money! Ugh! We can't continue to live with all this debt and expense."

Mrs. Burden stands with a smile and continues to stir the cooking pot of meat and vegetable in front of the stove oven inside the kitchen that overlooks the dining room. "Money is the root of all evil, dear."

"Money, the evil thing pays our rooting, tooting evil bills for our shelter, our food, our heat, our television, our two cell phones, our magazines, our two cars, our clothes..."

Mrs. Burden smiles down at the cooking pot of meat and vegetables inside the kitchen. "Dear, our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ always had, has, and will provide for us what we really need to live by our daily bread."

Mr. Burden frowns down at the row of paper bills. "I can't afford our daily bread unless it is three days old and three dollars reduced down from an original retail price tag, without adding in the ten percent sales taxes coming from the US Federal Government. We're barely making our monthly payments. I need a better job with a set of better pay to better our lifestyle, before I die and ascend up into heaven."

"Heaven doesn't need our money, only our love, dear." Mrs. Burden continues to stir the cooking pot of meat and potatoes with a smile in front of the stove oven inside the kitchen.

"Then, someone tell that to our bill collectors," Mr. Burden reaches down and lifts up the bill invoice near a frown while staring at the big money dollar amount with worry and unhappiness.

Next day month of July. Sunday morning

9:01 p.m.

Pointsville Church location

City of Pointsville without Somewhere, USA

Hot temperatures with bright sunshine

I stand with a smile in front of the speaking podium, which is traditional used for a new preacher man for a church sermon while scanning each church pew. The church is decorated like a chapel with nine rows of wooden pews which are hidden underneath a pallet of red velveteen fabric for an individual tender butthole on each side of the auditorium. The auditorium is filled completely shoulder to shoulder with a set of different colored hair roots of people.

The total attendance is 187.

There is an upright black tinted piano on my right side and nothing on my left. The floor is bare naked dark wood without carpet. There are eight windows which are made of colorfully stained glass, featuring numerous active scenes coming from the Holy Bible. The stained glass prevents an outside view: a pretty grove of pine trees, a trimmed manicured green tinted lawn, or a ray of bright sunshine.

The city of Pointsville is a farming community with a tiny population of 500, including seven newborn babies and 103 elderly senior citizens.

In front of the speaker platform, I shift my eyelashes side to side at each overcrowded dark wooden church pew for the morning Sunday worship of Almighty God's set of holy words. The microphone picks up my soft vocal words while slamming them against the four white painted walls. "Mercy, peace, and love be multiplied."

An elderly male sits inside church pew number eight with a frown and then smiles with a nod at the new female preacher. "Amen!"

"And Joshua said, come and hear the words of Almighty God," I smile at each face inside the numerous church pews. "What scripture passage do those set of Holy Words come from?"

"Book of Joshua, Chapter 3, Verse 9," a young adult male smiles and sits inside church pew number three in the church.

I remove my sports jacket, revealing a tank top of 36DD breasts, dancing side to side, and then shuffle my pair of black colored cowgirl boots away from the speaking podium. I stand between the speaker podium and a row of two red tinted chairs which are shaped like a set of king and queen royal throne chairs. I back step and sit down on the edge of the king's throne chair in my mini-short dark blue jean skirt, dangling a cowgirl boot in the air. I cup both my manicured hands over a naked kneecap smiling at my new congregation of Almighty God's people.

I nod with a smile, matching a boot motion. "Excellent, my friend! And I shall call forth from this day you, Brother Adam." I reach up and touch my breasts with a smile. "I am Sister Eve like the first daughter of Almighty God's hand-birthed two children. The children were known. A male child named Adam and a female child named Eve. But, you know that already. The only two souls born without sin into a beautiful tranquil placid which was called the Garden of Eden. Let us pray!" I bow a chin with the other brightly colored neckties and the lace collars saying for all eardrums as the new female preacher of the Pointsville church. "Thanks be for this particular small spot called Earth or Almighty God's property. Then, Almighty God divided the seas into an ocean, planted the heavens for salvation, and laid down the soil of earth for nurturing His people. Amen!" I look up with a smile to see the church people again.

"Amen!" The elderly male sits inside church pew number four with a smile and a nod.

I point to the chocolate-brown skinned man inside church pew number two with a shout and a smirk. "Nigger!" The other church people gasp in shock and then mumble in a set of secret words to each pew-buddy. I smile at the African-American citizen of the USA. "Are you offended, sir?"

He frowns with a nod in silence.

I stand upright from the king throne chair and move forward toward a pale-skinned male inside church pew number four, pointing a finger with a smile. "Bastard!" The church people gasp in shock again. I point to a pink-skinned elderly woman with a grin. "Bitch!" Then, I point to a young suntanned blonde teenager with a giggle. "Whore!" I swing around with a grin and move back toward the set of twin throne chairs, swinging around with a smile to see each church pew of shocked church people.

The middle-aged female in church pew number five sneers at the new female preacher. "Miss..."

"Sister Eve." I smile. "Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me. How many folks have spoke, mentioned, read, and used that axiom?" I pause with a sigh. "Well, shoot up for my eyeballs those five wiggling fingers in the air like a .12-gauge pump action shotgun and then wave them like a rebel flag in my pretty face, ya'll." Every hand lifts up toward heaven and as each face shows a stern look. I nod with a smile. "Yes! We all have. In real life, how many of us have exclaimed accidentally, of course, from fear, fright, or just plain stupidity: O my God!!! The last noun is a proper name which usually holds three exclamation points, not one." I hold up a puke-green painted and nicely manicured index finger as the church people snarl or snigger at me. "Where are the Ten Commandments located within the Holy Bible?"

The elderly male sits and smiles inside church pew number nine. "The Ten Commandments are located in the Book of Exodus, Chapter 20, Verse 3 through 17."

I nod with a smile. "Thank you, Brother Adam! In the Book of Exodus Chapter 20, Verse 7, 'Do not take the name of the Lord thy God in vain for the Lord will not hold you guiltless.' Translation there: I'll get ya for that, later, pal. I confess honestly and frequently that I'm guilty of saying out loud, O my God, when I'm very excited about a happy moment in my life. Or I will use the proper name, Jesus fucking Christ, when I'm very pissed off about a sad moment in my life. Well, I have just committed a VIP important heavenly sin by breaking one of the Ten Commandments, because I used Almighty God's name for my vanity evil nasty purpose. Isn't that right, church people?"

The elderly male sits inside church pew number two with a smile and a nod. "Right, Sister Eve!"

I smile. "Thank you, Brother Adam! Now, if I was God, I would not be happy that My people use My name for their vain-filled short term life moments even during some their more happily or sadly times. But, guess what, ya'll? God doesn't strike me down with a lightning bolt or pour buckets of rain drops over my new cotton shirt. And God doesn't even use my cell phone to call me on my mobile phone and tell me to shut the heck up. So, if God doesn't show any angry at me, because we all understand that God sees, knows, hears, and smells every single thing that's done on God property which is called Planet Earth. And I use God's name in my vain moments of life. Then, you, sir." I point to the chocolate-brown skinned male. "Yeah! You, nigger, tell me! Why are you so offended by my creative colored noun? If God doesn't get angry at me for using His name? Let's face it here. God rules over my earth-bound soul more hours and minutes than any one of you. Why are you so mad at me, boy? It is just a word like fart, heart, and love," smiling.

"Let us analyze the goody-good behavior patterns of the Gentiles, regarding the treatment of Brother Jesus at his death trial. His own people mocked him with vile words, spat upon his bloody and beaten body, and then murdered Brother Jesus for doing nothing wrong, but preaching the word of his dad, our dad, who is Almighty God. Brother Jesus was preaching about Almighty God and God's heaven and all the good things to come while living in heaven with all the heavenly angels. Geez! And Brother Jesus accepted all these ugly words, sour vinegar water splashes, horrible deeds, and finally bleed to death on a wooden cross. And finally, Brother Jesus asked his dad. He asked Almighty God to forgive all the mean and nasty people for hurting his body. Man! Or Woman! Brother Jesus is both tough and cool. Amen!" I toss both arms into the air with a smile and a nod, dropping both hands down to slap the skirt.

The middle-aged male sits and smiles inside church pew number four. "Amen!"

I nod with a smile. "Thank you, Brother Adam! 'If a brother or a sister trespasses against you, so rebuke him.'" I face the chocolate-brown skinned male with a stern face. "I am sorry for my creative name calling, sir. 'And if he repents, then you forgive him,' this is stated in the Book of Luke Chapter 17, Verse 3. Do you forgive me, sir?" The male nods in silence with a stern face. I smile to each face. "The vital point that I'm trying to drill into your hard skull is that Almighty God's people need to move each ass out of the baby girly wet diapers and down into a pair of big girl panties. Who cares if someone calls you a bitch or a bastard or a nigger or whore? Let it slide off a right bony shoulder and hit down into the hard clay soil, because we are a set of big kids. We got a big bad daddy in heaven, who watches and protects over us, 24 hours per day and night. So, we can take a couple hits on a right cheekbone and then turn to a left cheekbone for more freaking bloody abuse. And maybe, we start peace over the world, instead of non-stop wars. Amen!" I toss both arms into the air with a smile and a nod, dropping both hands down to slap the skirt.

The middle-aged woman sits inside church pew number two with a smile and a nod. "Amen."

I smile with a nod. "The Holy Bible is a cult book which was written by a bunch of cavemen twats, making so-called word induced religion a terminable disease, creating both fear and misery in a human's mind."

The young adult male sits inside church pew number four with a frown. "Naw."

"I disagree, Sister Eve," the middle-aged woman sits inside church pew number eight with a frown.

The young adult female sits inside church pew number four with a sour frown. "You should not bring useless trash into the church, Sister Eve."

I nod with a smile. "Thanks to Sister Eve, Brother Adam, and Sister Eve for your acute personal observations! The point, we all live here in the great USA. We have the right of freedom as an American and a right of Free Will as a Christian. Please note that I just expressed both. Since, we are studying the Ten Commandments, a biggy bit of good advice coming from the Holy Bible here. Did you know that the word 'bible' is not within the pages of the Holy Bible book? The proper name is called the 'Holy Scriptures.' The word 'bible' comes from Latin word that means 'book.'"

The middle aged female sits inside church pew number seven with a smile and a nod. "Amen!"

I grin. "In the Book of Exodus, Chapter 20, Verse 9, 'Six days, you shall labor.' Translation: work or have a working job or get a fucking working job, ya unemployed bitch. 'Six days, you shall labor and do all your work,' not part of your work or half your work, but all your work jog. Then, rest your tired bones or mind on the seventh day. Almighty God worked. Geez! It says it right here in the Bible. The Book of Exodus, Chapter 20, Verse 11 states 'In six days, the Lord made both heaven and earth, the sea, and everything in them.' Translation: Almighty God made all the big and little stuff in heaven like the angels and the harps. On his new planet which is called Earth, he made us and the flowers. In the seas, he the fishies and the coral reefs. Wow! That's quite a bit of stuff. Ain't it, folks? 'Then, Almighty God rested on the seventh day, therefore, the seventh day is Holy,' and whatever, whatever, whatever. Now, Almighty God worked his fanny off for six days which could have been really in reality twenty-four hours in our time solar day frame or twenty-four years or twenty-four million years. But, the point is that Almighty God worked, too. Then, Almighty God wrote it all down inside his instruction manual. The personal instruction manual is called the Holy Bible for us, stupid humans to read and see. Amen!" I toss both arms into the air with a smile and a nod, dropping both hands down to slap the skirt.

The middle-aged female sits inside church pew number five with a smile and a nod. "Amen!"

I smile. "Why is this not happening here within the great USA? Why is not every individual over the legal age of eighteen not working in a productive paying job while laboring for six long hard days and fulfilling this really important Bible commandment as set by God? This is Almighty God's personal heavenly divine rule coming from there in heaven, not from the people here on Planet Earth. Amen!" I toss both arms into the air with a smile and a nod, dropping both hands down to slap the skirt.

The teen female sits inside church pew number nine with a smile and a nod. "Amen!"

I smile. "What would you call a person that's lazy or a loafer in the eyes of Almighty God?"

The middle aged male sits inside church pew number three with a frown, "The lazy loader is called a good for nothing bum."

The elderly male sits inside church pew number eight with a frown. "A good for nothing bum that desires the ease life, without working for it. One of the seven deadly sins is called sloth. Sloth is avoiding both physical and spiritual work for Almighty God."

The middle-aged woman sits inside church pew number two with a smile and a nod. "Some folks can't work. They have a mental or a physical disability which prevents them from making money for their living expenses like food and shelter."

I face each church pew with a nod and a smile. "Some folks cannot work. So, God's people become responsible for their well-being and caring for them. Isn't that correct, church people?"

The middle-aged male sits inside church pew number three with a frown. "Wrong."

I smile. "So, back to the laborer, who don't labor? What happens to these folks here on Planet Earth?"

The middle-aged female sits inside church pew number six with a frown. "They eat, get fat, get sick, and get lazy. Then, sometimes between their tit milk and their butthole, they got cancer inside their guts and then these assholes die, leaving Planet Earth."

I smile. "Then, what happens to the good for nothing bum?"

The elderly woman sits inside church pew number nine with a smile and a nod. "The good for nothing bum goes to Heaven."

The middle-aged male sits inside church pew number three laughs. "Or he or she goes directly to hell."

"Thank you, both Brother Adam and Sister Eve! So someone prove it to me." I smile. "I have a working theory about a set of free-loaders. It starts out with my kitty-cat curiosity involving an old fortune teller..."

"Sister Eve," the middle-aged woman sits inside church pew number two with a frown. "Fortune tellers are the tools of the devil-man."

I smile. "Has anyone of you ever visited a fortune teller before?"

The young adult male sits inside church pew number one with a frown. "Naw."

The young adult female sits inside church pew number two with a sour frown. "You are soliciting the work of the Devil-man, Sister Eve. I ask you to stop this silly nonsense, before I am forced to leave the church today."

I shake my curls with a smile. "I don't mean to offend. I want to share my intriguing observations with the church's congregation."

The elderly female sits inside church pew number two with a sour frown. "Then, Sister Eve, you carry on the Devil-man's work. I will have no part of this madness against any or all of Almighty God's laws. I'm leaving here. Get up, Henry!" She stands upright from the church pew with a frown at Sister Eve.

Henry smiles at the pretty new female preacher, sitting. "I wanna stay."

His wife reaches and tugs on his shirt with a sour frown. "Lift up your pants that I ironed this morning for church services from that velveteen pew cushion now, Henry."

Henry leans over to his pew-buddy with a grin. "Psss, Jack! Get all the story and then call me later." He stands, turning and leaving with his wife through the church doors.

I smile. "In the USA, there are certain police stations that use the talents of an experienced fortune teller while tracking and finding an innocent kidnapped victim. And the Hollywood celebrities use them to predict their Hollywood career and their future money success. The ancient Roman leaders and highly ranked military officers used them like Emperor Napoleon did."

The middle-aged female sits inside church pew number three with a frown. "And look what happened to imprisoned Emperor Napoleon!"

I smile. "I digress. Do you read the Holy Bible?"

Sister Eve sits inside pew number seven with a smile and a nod. "Aren't we going to sing songs?"

"Not yet." I shake my curls with a smile.

Sister Eve sits inside pew number eight with a smile and a nod. "Aren't we going to collect money?

"Not yet." I shake my curls with a smile.

Sister Eve sits inside pew number one with a smile and a nod. "Aren't we going to hear about your preaching sermon?"

I state, "The Holy Scriptures."

"Then our little ones need to be removed from the church's auditorium for their Sunday school play time," Sister Eve stands with a smile, motioning with her hand, moving to a side door. "Little ones, please follow me into the church's nursery."

The door opens.

Numerous girls and boys from age two to five follow her out the church's auditorium and down the steps.

The door closes.

I turn with a smile and a nod to see each face of the church pews. "Do you read the Holy Bible? I see lots of craniums bobbing up and down like a litter of obedience puppy dogs. But do you really read the Holy Bible? A rhetorical question, folks. In the Book of Psalm 112:1 says 'blessed is him who fears God and that delights greatly.' Man. God has a wonderful way with words 'delights greatly' in His Ten Commandments. No stealing. No lying. No murder. Love God. Obey your mama and daddy and so on. Then the wealth and riches will be in his house and his righteousness enduring forever. Awesome stuff. God goes on to add. He is gracious, full of compassion, and righteous. Twice, that word is used. A good person shows favor and lends. Maybe, a good person lends his money or his hands or both? Come on. It's God's money, not yours. Right? God created ya, not Mother Nature or for dang certain not the wicked Satan. Right? God's person, which is you, will guide his or her affair with discretion."

Brother Adam sits inside pew number four with a smile and a nod. "Amen."

I nod with a smile. "Thank you, Brother Adam. What's discretion? Anyone? In the USA, we have a term called 'discretionary spending.' Discretionary spending..."

"....has nothing to do with Brother Jesus," says Sister Eve sits inside pew number two with a frown.

I shake a finger and my curls with a sour frown. "On contrary, Sister Eve, discretionary spending is money negotiated between the President of the US and the Congress of the US people every year. It is spent on certain US federal governmental programs, including the military defense budget, the academic school education, the Environmental Protection Agency, and the Department of Veterans Affairs. In return, the money is also cut for various reasons from other US federal government programs. I find it fascinating that both God and the USA have chosen that word. What is discretion?"

Brother Adams sits inside pew number four with a smile and a nod. "A judgment of a person."

I smile with a nod. "Good answer, Brother Adam. The quality of showing a good judgment or speaking eloquently to avoid revealing one or more pieces of private information with an ability to make a responsible choice of what is lawful, right, or wise may be assumed. That's means not making an ass of me and you. This of course is an American definition. But God even remembers to put the two words, Free Will right into that English-version definition with the other two words: responsible choice. Wow. God is telling His people to practice good solid true judgment of their own social, business, and economic affairs."

Brother Adam sits inside pew number five with a smile and a nod. "Amen."

"I wonder how God feels when one of His people's stuff is printed inside magazines, newspapers, television, and on the internet for nosy folks to see and sniff like a bunch of bloodhounds. Those reports that can be purchased by your money or seem by your viewing eyeballs, who's not a billionaire anymore and how much money the billionaire possesses. Ironically, in the Book of Psalm 112:5, 'God's person...you and me...will guide his affairs with discretion."

"Amen." Brother Adam sits inside pew number four with a smile and a nod.

I smile with a nod. "Let's look at the Book of Luke, Chapter 18:10-14. I will paraphrase. Two males enter a church. One male boasts with a loud voice about fasting without his food, giving his money to the poor, and glorifying his goodness to all the temple priests. The other male, he stares his eyelids down at the sandy flooring and not looking up to see heaven and softly whispers for God's eardrums only. 'I am a sinner, please be merciful God.' Then Jesus preaches to the audience. 'A man who exalts his person will be abased.' What is the definition of abased?"

Brother Adam sits inside pew number three with a smile and a nod. "Degrade."

I smile with a nod. "Yes, Brother Adam. And to add to that word, it is a verb used with an object as God's person is to be reduced or lowered as in rank, office, reputation, humble, or degrade. Or I put your wicked buttholeth in place sayeth Brother Jesus. Geez. Aghaseth, Bro Jesus will humiliate me for shouting to everyone and everything that I'm doing good stuff, making me a good person. I giveth to the poor. I eateth not food or drink. I singeth songs in glory. I don't getteth. But waiteth! I need to read a little more, since Brother Jesus has a lot more of His lesson to telleth. In the Book of Luke 18:10-14, Brother Jesus says 'where a man who humbles will be exalted in the eyes of God.' That's effing harsh. Don't ya think? As a child, my mama heavily proclaimed in piccolo music, since a musical instrument piccolo carries the highest octave on a musical scale kinda like a group of sweet cherubim singing. My mama could not wait to boast about my good grades, my pretty eyeballs, and other such girly accomplishments to her friends and family unit. Then I learned and obeyed my mama and daddy, the Third Commandment of ten. Therefore, I learn to boast about my good accomplishments. Of course, I don't brag about my bad failures. So I get humbled, humiliated, and hung out to dry for bragging, boasting, and busting my ass. Geez, Brother Jesus."

Brother Adam sits inside pew number four with a smile and a nod. "Amen."

I smile with a nod. "Let us pair the two separate verses from the Book of Psalms and the Book of Luke. It was say something like this. 'Be humble with your private affairs of information, money, or family.' Amen."

"You are saying that we shouldn't keep money." Sister Eve sits inside pew number two with a frown.

I smile with a nod. "In the Book of Psalms 112:4 'a good man and woman is gracious, compassion, righteous, shows favor, and guides his affairs with discretion. Discretion is a good judgment of a decision. What about all these buildings with dead people's name on them? Is that discretion as a mere human?"

Brother Adam sits inside pew number four with a smile and a nod. "It's called vanity or pride."

I nod with a smile. "Thank you, Brother Adam. One of these seven deadly sins. Right? Right! Do you know that the word 'wealth' appears two times inside the Holy Scriptures? And the word 'wisdom' appears fifty two times. And the word 'love' is seen seven hundred times. Look it up on you fancy cell phone. So why is not Brother Jesus' name on the buildings, in the cities, and in the landscape? Brother Jesus is our VIP most important angel to walk around planet Earth disguised as a human. Brother Jesus was really an angel performing all these heavenly miracles, since no man can do that. Do you hear of a mortal man doing that?

"Let us go back to discretion on the Bible terms. We live in a country that allows a freedom of speech and a religion of free will. The two factors can be beneficial or hurtful to a soul. Let me give you a simple example. My daughter purchased this musical CD with some awesome drum rolls and guitar beats within the song. But the words were just plain vile and vulgar. I listened to the tune with an open mind. I liked the beat, not the words. I instructed my daughter not to play that particular tune for both love and respect around her family members, who would be greatly offended. She obeyed me. Therefore, I offered wisdom of money use plus some nice common sense. I guided her private affair in discretion, since she's a minor while practicing my family rule and God's law all at the same time."

10:02 a.m.

"Amen." Sister Eve sits inside pew number eight with a smile and a nod.

I smile with a nod. "I'm not a money billionaire. But if I was a billionaire, then I would go around to all the churches, donating many envelopes stuffed with money cash inside the 'tidings tray.' That'd be fun and funny. I wonder. How many of God's people would be tempted with that kind of funny money?" I giggle.

"Amen." Brother Adam sits inside pew number three with a smile and a nod.

I smile with a nod. "In the Book of Luke 18:10-14, 'he is not afraid of evil tidings.' What the heck does that means is beyond my neurons? Do you read this stuff? 'His heart is fixed trusting in God. He gives to the poor. His righteousness endures forever.' Three times, that particular word is used in one Bible verse chapter."

"Amen." Sister Eve sits inside pew number five with a smile and a nod.

I smile with a nod. "And what's up with some of the rich people leaving their entire fortune to a church, after they're dead and buried inside the cold earth ground? Then the sleazy lawyers get a hold of their million dollar bank accounts. And no one sees a penny of that money for the poor or the abused folks as stated in their Last Will and Testimony. And I received that tattle tail story from a real life sleazy lawyer. Because the current USA legal benefactor law always bends to factor a lawyer, not the chosen group of charity cotton pickin' needy people. I don't understand that. But I would love to be a dead fly on that wall inside God's heavenly office when He meets a former millionaire, Mr. Jones.

"I can envision and hear it now. Mr. Jones sits inside a white cozy chair. Then God floats through the wall. Ya do know that a real supernatural entity does cool stuff like that? Well God parks His robes inside His white cozy chair, reaching and grabbing His personal heavenly day and night time book of Mr. Jones' activities on planet Earth while conducting a pre-judgment D-day meeting.

"God smiles and says, 'Mr. Jones, welcome to My home heaven. Your bio-shell ceased breathing on September thirteen.' Mr. Jones is nervous smiles and nods."

"God continues. 'I granted you eighty million dollars as a human on planet Earth, your own home. Please give me one of your favorite human examples of a personal charity act using My money?'"

"Mr. Jones smiles, 'I donated all the eighty million dollars...my...Your money to the church.'"

"God smiles, 'That's wonderful, Mr. Jones.' He scribbles down the soul's verbal statement inside His heavenly book. Then God frowns to the soul, 'Hmm. I have a little tiny discrepancy here, Mr. Jones. My notes state that the eighty million dollars was given to the church on the date of September fourteen, the day after your bio-shell ceased breathing.'"

"Mr. Jones smiles and nods, 'There is no discrepancy, Sir. I left my entire eighty million dollars, dictating what and who inside my Last Will and Testimony, the moment I passed into heaven. Therefore, the church received all of my...Your monies like You always preached about to me.'"

"God frowns, 'My Son Jesus always preached while visiting on planet Earth that it is easier for a camel to jump through a needle's eye than for a rich man to enter the kingdom of...Me.'" I nod with a giggle.

"Amen." Brother Adam sits inside pew number three with a smile and a nod.

I smile with a nod. "I heard someone preaching from a church's podium one time. Before you step you boot heels through a church's archway, you shall be presentable. Take a bath. Brush your hair. Wear new clothes. So that's why every Sunday Easter we purchase new clothes? Is that a command inside the Holy Bible? Ye must buy a new dress to come to Easter Sunday preaching service? Where is it inside your personal instruction manual? Please show me?" I giggle.

"Blasphemy," Sister Eve sits inside pew number seven with a frown.

I smile with a nod. "Bless you, Sister Eve. Brother Jesus comes back from the dead. O. So Jesus got a new set of white robes, when He came back from heaven into that dark damp cave. Then we all get to buy a set of new clothes like Brother Jesus. Am I right?"

Sister Eve sits inside pew number four with a frown. "Is there a point to your insulting Brother Jesus, Sister Eve?"

I smile with a nod. "Yeah. My argument is. When Brother Jesus was born and that angel visited the working sheep shepherds in the open fields, they probably were lounging their bodies without any sitting leather recliners over the dry soil and wet grasslets with a slight warm breeze of a heated night and not inside their cozy living rooms with cool air-conditioning blowing on their cheeky faces. That heavenly angel didn't come to them with song: take a bath, bro before ya visit baby King Jesus. The heavenly angel proclaimed in a sweet song to their dirty, stinky, icky hard working bodies that awesome announcement, a royal baby King from heaven is here on planet Earth. So why is your body image so significantly advertised, flagged, flaunted, and tooted to each other? Hmm. Almighty God knows what we look like inside our minds and outside our bio-shell, ya'll. He created each and every one of us humans."

"Amen." Brother Adam sits inside pew number six with a smile and a nod.

I smile. "I love the letter of Paul in the Book of Galatians. Paul is a wise person to me. Paul says 'grace be to you and peace from God and Brother Jesus.' Yeehaw. I love it. Then Paul tells 'Brother Jesus gave His body and died on the cross for your sins that you will be delivered from this evil world.' Ugh, folks. The evil world is right here on planet Earth with all the material temptations. Amen."

"Amen." Sister Eve sits inside pew number nine with a smile and a nod.

I smile with a nod. "Paul says to you and me from God, 'there is some that trouble you.' I like that wording: the some that troubles me. Some mama, some daddy, some an annoying sister. O. Maybe, some your co-worker, some your neighbor. Or that some woman at the red light putting on her bright red lipstick at freaking 7:46 am when you're trying to get to work on time, before you get yelled at by your work supervisor."

"Amen." Brother Adam sits inside pew number three with a smile and a nod.

I smile with a nod. "What is one of the most important passages in the Holy Bible to you?"

"Love your neighbor." Sister Eve sits inside pew number two with a smile and a nod.

"Good one," I nod with a smile.

"God loves children." Sister Eve sits inside pew number three with a smile and a nod.

"'Sell all your possessions, give money to the poor, and you will have treasure in heaven.' That passage comes from the Book of Matthew 19:21." Sister Eve sits inside pew number seven a smile and a nod.

I smile with a nod. "And also the Book of Luke 18:22 says the same thing. Brother Jesus says that wise statement to a rich man during Bible times. Why don't we surrender our materials junk to the poor? Fear? Jealousy? Competition? Envy? Vain? Greedy? Brother Jesus tells you 'give it up, man and wo-man. Come to heaven with me, when ya die.' But we sadly do not do that." I shake my curls with a sad frown.

Sister Eve in sits inside pew number two shake her curls with a sour frown. "We can't simply quit our jobs. We need money to eat, to live in a house. You are carrying the Scripture parts too far, twisting these words to meet your needs to argue like a politician for your justice."

I smile with a nod. "And if everyone surrenders their earthly possessions for giving them to each other, would not each one of us have more than enough food, shelter, clothing, and at least one mobile telephone? Something to ponder, ya'll? In the Book of Galatians 3:25-28 'we are baptized and justified by our faith in Brother Jesus. There is neither Jew nor Greek. There is neither bond nor free. There is neither male nor female. We are all one in Brother Jesus.'"

"Amen." Sister Eve sits inside pew number six with a smile and a nod.

I smile with a nod. "Why do we not act like this? Why do we not follow this rule? It is common sense. We were created by God and should live together as sisters and brothers. Please follow God's words in Galatians 5:14. For it is the God's law here and pookie on the USA human law for God's law fills it in one word. 'Love your neighbor as your selfish self.' Where is that feeling, man? It ain't here."

"I resent that comment, Sister Eve." Sister Eve sits inside pew number eight with a frown.

I smile with a nod. "Brother Paul tells that 'my temptation is my flesh.' My body is made of water, proteins, and minerals or my flesh which is also called my skin. Pay attention here. Brother Paul says 'to walk in your heavenly spirit then your skin ain't going to lust.' Since lust is baddie, right? Yeah, man. So easy, dude. We have established that the flesh or the skin or the outside of me is nothing but a temptation within my eyeballs, my eardrums, and my hands. Amen."

"Amen." Brother Adam sits inside pew number six with a smile and a nod.

I smile with a nod. "Listen up. This stuff is getting really goody or dookie, depending on how much your skin and bones tempts you. Brother Paul says 'the flesh lusts against your soul.' I like using the word 'soul' which is different in my mind from my skin. The flesh lusts or sins. Let us be real here. The body sins against your soul. The soul sins against your human body. Your soul is fighting for goodness. The human body is fighting for badness. Face it, people. We're only human," giggling.

"Amen." Sister Eve sits inside pew number eight with a smile and a nod.

I nod with a smile. "Thank you, Sister Eve. Brother Paul warns you. This is really some shitty bad stuff. 'The flesh via skin via you and via me manifests in adultery, fornication, uncleanness...'"

Sister Eve sits inside pew number five, jabbing a finger at the new unfamiliar female preacher with a smirk. "Do you see there? You are supposed to bathe and wash your body before you come to church. Unclean or dirty is unacceptable, since cleanliness is next to godliness."

I smile with a nod. "Cleanliness is next to godliness. Subject change. When I change the current noun into the new noun for verbal discussion, I will call out these two words, subject change. So your mind can keep up with me. What are the most common things people think are inside the Holy Bible?"

Brother Adam sits inside pew number five with a smile and a nod. "Cleanliness is next to godliness."

I nod with a smile. "Correct, Brother Adam. It is really an ancient Babylonian proverb before the birth of Brother Jesus. Then the catchy phrase was revived during the Victorian Era in the foreign country of Great Britain by Sir Frances Bacon and John Wesley. Propaganda, maybe? In the Book of Matthew 7:18-23, I paraphrase here. 'Jesus warns us to worry more about the sin in our hearts rather than the dirt on our hands.' I do declare that pretty much nixes the cleanliness is next to godliness thing. Another one, please?"

Brother Adam sits inside pew number two with a smile and a nod. "Money is the root of all evil."

I nod with a smile. "Correct, Brother Adam. In the Book of First Timothy 6:10, 'the love of money is a root of all evil ways.' Money is not good or bad and being rich is not a sin. Do not hurt me, ya'll. Being rich is not a sin. Brother Job was very wealthy when God took it all away. Then Brother Job proved his faithfulness to God while serving as a poor, penniless, homeless, and childless simple naked man. Then God rewarded Job gloriously. Another please?"

Sister Eve sits inside pew number six with a smile and a nod. "This too shall pass."

I shake my curls with a grin. "That expression is not inside the Holy Bible either. The sentence is actually a misinterpretation of a line from The Lament of Doer, an old English poem. Each poem refrain ends with 'that passed away, so may this.'"

Sister Eve sits inside pew number two with a smile and a nod. "The lion shall lay down with the lamb."

I smile. "Nope. Not enough close. In the Book Isaiah 65:25, 'the wolf and the lamb graze together and the lion eats straw like an ox.' Ha. Ha. I bet the king of the jungle doesn't future see that animal-friendly social hour coming. So like in the Book of Exodus 40:32, 'the washing of feet and hands' is the washing of the feet and hands. I find no connection between the paired couple of words, clean and god. 'God told Aaron and Moses to wash their hands, before they entered the temple.' Okay. We wash our face, our hands, and our entire body, before we come to church, so we don't share our bad BO with our pew-buddy. O. O. O. I have a new learning tool. Let us identity any selected and discussed Holy Scriptures either as one of God's sin or one of God's law? Okay. Alright. Let's fight. Sorry. I was a cheerleader. Is not washing your body before entering God's Church, a sin or a law?"

Sister Eve sits inside pew number four with a smile and a nod. "An emotion."

I nod with a smile. "Good response, Sister Eve. I accept that answer. It is not a sin or a law, since you can dirty on the hands and not in the heart. Did we leave out a body part? Hmm. We possess a face, two hands, two ears, two feet, one stomach, one heart, one brain, and one soul. I have a soul. How does one clean your soul?"

Sister Eve sits inside pew number four with a smile and a nod. "Prayer."

I nod with a smile. "I accept that answer. How does one keep a clean soul clean? Take a bath in the shower? Go to the river and submerge down to your hair roots?"

"Go to church..." Sister Eve sits inside pew number three with a smile and a nod.

"Worship God..." Brother Adam sits inside pew number seven with a smile and a nod.

I smile with a nod. "Worship God and follow God's rules inside the Holy Scriptures that makes for a clean soul. Amen."

Brother Adam sits inside pew number one with a smile and a nod. "Amen."

I ask. "How does one get an un-clean soul?"

Brother Adam sits inside pew number one with a smile and a nod, "Doing evil."

I smile with a nod. "Breaking the Ten Commandments, the seven deadly sins, or seeing one fortune teller. The fortune teller told me some general information, once I provided her my hard-working hundred dollars plus my birth day, year, and time. This is actually called astrology. You can purchase many reference manuals in the book store or inside your local library about the hot topic too. The day and time you are born influences your inner personality not your physical body."

"This has nothing to do with the Bible or church or Jesus, Sister Eve. Please pick another subject for discussion." Sister Eve sits inside pew number four with a frown.

I smile with a nod. "The physical features of your biological body come from DNA which in turn comes from your mama or your daddy or your grandmother or your granddaddy or your great-grandmother. This is called a hereditary factor to give you a baseline here. And there are environment factors like the sun, the wind, the ice, the rain, the flood, and other Mother Nature phenomenon that influence your entire life style."

"Sister Eve, please stick with the Holy Bible quotes." Sister Eve sits inside pew number four with a frown.

I smile with a nod. "You and the entire Milky Way Galaxy are linked by the planets which can predict all the future events in your life. It is based on the solar positions of the sun, the moon, and all the galaxy planets at the exact time, when you popped out of your mama's womb, your birth day. Let us add some ancient world history to our analysis. Since the American Indians, billions of Chinese, and the dead and gone Mayan cultures all had practiced and developed different type of elaborate future event predictions based on the twirling planets and the swirling comets. The study of astrology was tracked back to third millennium, BC. There also have been found physical evidence of astrology charting in the first civilization Mesopotamia in the year 1651 BC a long, long time ago, baby. And there are additional divine evidence from the Chinese Zhou dynasty, the Babylonian people, the Egyptian people, and that one famous person, Alexander the Great of ancient Greek."

"Look what happened to him?" Sister Eve sits inside pew number four with a frown.

I smile with a nod. "The study and practice of astrology traveled from the Greeks to the Europeans during the Renaissance Era, creating some famous astronomers. One is Tycho Brahe of the royal court of Denmark. Another is Johannes Kepler of the royal court of Hapsburgs, and Galileo of the Medici's of France. Is that good enough hard evidence of astrology users? The old fortune teller quoted to me the specific time and place of a chosen event, my great-grandfather's death. The death of an elderly grandparent is so predictable. The elderly fortune teller tried to rattle the skeleton closet with my old past childhood memories too."

"Sister Eve, are you even listening to me?" Sister Eve sits inside pew number four with a frown.

I smile with a nod. "Roman Cicero objected to astrology. He cited if you read the movements of the sun or the planets to control a person's personality or behavior pattern, then you ignore a visible effect of an inherited ability, poor parenting skills, changes in healthy worked by medicine, or the effects of the weather on folks. Cicero was a smart Roman. I agree with those wise statements.

"Carneades of Roman argues that a single belief in fate denies the free will from God and your unknown morality known only to God. He cites. Two people can be born on different days, but both die at the same time in an accident or a battle. Saint Augustine in 430 BC debates that astrology conflicts with man's free will and man's social responsibility. He argues that twins are born on the same day can and will exhibit different paths of two different personality social behaviors."

"Sister Eve, please quote scripture passages from the Holy Bible not your possum-pookie nonsense." Sister Eve sits inside pew number four with a sour frown and a nod.

I smile with a nod. "In the year 280 BC, Berossus, a priest of Bel from Babylon, practiced and taught the astrology, emphasizing the soul's ascension into the stars or heaven. That's cool. The ancient bold Greeks wrote and acted out social plays based on astrological tinkering into the lives of noble and common people, while the Romans listened to the Babylonians star gazing wisdom of the poet Juvenal in second century. The art of astrology was used by Emperor Tiberius of the Roman Empire, Al Mansur, the founder of Baghdad; Guido Bonatti, European astrology of the thirteen century, and William Lilly of the seventeenth century European Renaissance. And finally Thomas Aquinas reconciled astrology, stating that the stars rule the body but God rules the soul. Amen."

"Sister Eve, are you present in our time and space at Pointsville?" Sister Eve sits inside pew number four with a sour frown and a nod.

I smile with a nod, "Strange, odd, eerily, creepy. The old fortune teller told that she could predict any love relationship or war relationship in a divorce. That's predictable. Any marriage is a fifty-fifty percentage of success. Right, ya'll? She predicted my current money relationship. No winning the five hundred million dollar lottery ever. She told me that money is not in the stars, only my twinkling eyes. The fortune teller actually reprimanded me severely for gambling away my hard working money, when a poor hungry human could use a hamburger from Dee Dee's Hamburgers. I was impressed with her wise advice. I have a great fear of water, since I do not lavish in a bathtub or a swimming pool or a hot tub. I don't like it when the water is above my ankles. A phobia? Right, ya'll? The old fortune teller told me that I had suffered and died in a boat accident in a body of water in one of my previous human lives of reincarnation."

"Sister Eve, please talk to us about the Holy Bible workings from Brother Jesus." Sister Eve sits inside pew number four with a sour frown and a nod.

I laugh. "I asked her to predict the future events of plagues, wars, or weather patterns. She did not. But I learned that John Dee was a personal astrologer to Queen Elizabeth I of England."

Sister Eve sits inside pew number four with a smile and a nod. "And look how that turned out?"

I turn and pace side to side in front of the pews with a smile and a nod. "I discovered Queen Catherine de Medici paid Michael Nostradamus in the year 1565 to verify the prediction of death predication of her husband King Henry II of France."

Brother Adam sits inside pew number one with a frown. "There is no scientific basis of the belief that the sky stars and the bright moon control our lives, Sister Eve."

I view the floor. "I paid her to predict my future or describe my personality. She did that."

Brother Adam sits inside pew nine with a smile and a nod. "I'm an engineer. I will claim that electromagnetism and gravity of planet Earth has more influence on my personality rather than the stars."

Sister Eve sits inside pew number seven with a smirk. "Very good point, Brother Adam. We live on the planet, not the moon. You and your money were taken for a roller coaster ride, Sister Eve."

I giggle. "Shoot. I lost a hundred bucks."

Brother Adam sits inside pew number eight with a smile and a nod. "I can predict with certain ease that an ordinary household appliance like a floor heater will warm my feet or a kitchen appliance like a toaster will fill my tummy with good warm food, making me happy today and tomorrow too."

Sister Eve sits inside pew number two with a frown. "I will state that God has absolutely power over his creations, including the sun, the moon, the planets, the stars, the heavens, and the man."

Sister Eve sits inside pew number four with a frown. "Horoscopes, astrology, palm reading, and the lot are the desire for power over other humans concealing hidden supernatural powers..."

"Like a twelve-gauge shotgun..." Brother Adam sits inside pew number eight with a chuckle. "I got it on the rear window mount of my pick-up truck. It ain't really concealed, but I got a gun permit."

"Hush, Brother Adam." His wife elbows him with a grin and a giggle.

"Sorry, folks." Brother Adam sits inside pew number eight with a grin.

"All forms of future-seeing tricks are the works of Satan and his angel demons, because the works do not honor, respect, and love God." Sister Eve sits inside pew number four with a sour frown.

I turn and view the pews of church people with a smile and a nod. "More history bluff trivial, ya'll. During World War Two, Louis de Wohl worked with the Great Britain intelligence agency called 'MI5' after it was discovered that an evil vile Adolph Hitler had used astrology to time his violent war actions against the world. That is a really good reason for seeking out a fortune teller. Fight an unfortunate fortune teller with a fortunate fortune teller. Sorry, folks. That didn't come out as planned.

"And former first lady of the USA Nancy Reagan commissioned an astrologist after her husband US President Ronald Reagan was shot in the year 1984. I found that she used flattery and vague generalizations like you are smart. You are lucky. You are blessed. She explained that astrology is used commonly for daily life and not for planning your five year high school reunion in the matters of marriage, career, and love relationships. The old fortune teller pretty much gave me good advice similar to my grandmother. I am good at my job. I will not lose my job. I am not pregnancy. I will not marry. I am divorced. I can't draw, write, dance, or sing, so true. And I'm good a numbers," laughing.

"I am not amused, Sister Eve," says Sister Eve sits inside pew number four with a frown.

I smile with a nod. "Subject change. I enjoy listening to music, especially from the radio, since it's free. I can click the button to my favorite music station. I enjoy all types of songs, including country, rock and roll, jazz, pop, and alternative. Alternative music sounds like rock and roll and pop songs to me. Whatever. I like music and find myself humming the notes while lip-syncing the words, since I cannot sing. And I can't remember all the words of the song.

"In December, the song finished on the radio. Then that annoying advertisement came on. I really do greatly dislike the radio advertisement, because they advertise something. I can't remember the product, since I've mentally cut off the words from my active and intelligent mind. Second, I ain't going to buy it. Yeah. I know. The stupid psychology academic researches with their stupid PhDs say that when you advertise, folks buy your product. That ain't me? Do any of ya? Show me some wiggling five finger pad?" I count out loud. "One, two. Two people out of about two hundred, that's one percent."

"So I guess it works. Huh. I digress. The DJ with her sweet southern accent says to me. This Christmas reward yourself with a diamond bracelet from The Big Diamond Store located on Highway 31. The DJ pauses and compliments, because you deserve it. Huh? You deserve it. I deserve a gift at Christmas time. This is Brother Jesus' day of His birth. Right, ya'll?"

11:03 a.m.

Sister Eve sits inside pew number nine with a smile and a nod. "Amen."

I nod with a smile. "I thought so too. On your birthday, you get a vanilla cake, scoopfuls of chocolate ice cream, and dozens of birthday presents. Right?"

Sister Eve sits inside pew number six with a smile and a nod, "Yes ma'am."

I frown, "Christmas is Brother Jesus' Birthday, not mine. Why should I get a gift, a cake, or ice cream? Because, it ain't my birthday, folks. My birthday's in the calendar month of August. Should I not be giving a gift to Brother Jesus? Granted, Bro Jesus is not physically present inside my living room with me during the day of Christmas for a physical gift exchange. His invisible selfie is probably sitting on the sofa right next to me while watching the television with me too. However, I do not see Him. Do ya?"

Sister Eve sits inside pew number eight with a smile and a hand wave. "I make a small birthday cake for Jesus."

I nod with a smile. "Thank you, Sister Eve. That's a very thoughtful nice gesture. But you also give your children presents. Right, Sister Eve?"

Sister Eve sits inside pew number eight with a smile and a nod. "Why yes? I do every year, since the children were little tikes."

"And you give your husband a physical gift. Right, Sister Eve?"

She nods. "Yes."

"And your parents a physical gift too. Right, Sister Eve?"

She frowns. "Yes."

"And..." I turn and view each face of the pews with a smile and a nod. "Christmas is from Old English, meaning the Christ's Mass. The Christ's Mass celebrates the born of Brother Jesus Christ on December 25 around the world by millions of people. And it is a cherished holiday for the workers here in America. If you happen to work on that holiday, then you will receive money and payment on the old time clock. Right, folks?"

Sister Eve stands inside pew six with a sour frown. "I'm leaving. Sister Eve flippantly desecrates everything that's Christian to my religious beliefs. I'll not sit here and listen to any more hogwash. Let's go, Albert." She turns and exits the church with her husband and two children.

I smile with a hand wave to her fat ass. "Bye. See ya'll another day. I guarantee it." I turn and view the pews of church people with a smile. "The popular holiday includes gifts to our persons, our loved ones, and sometimes to the office witch that might or might not be the boss. The holiday has Christmas music, caroling, and Christmas cards. Then your church celebrates with a special meal and display of various Christmas decorations, including a tree, strands of bright colored lights, a nativity scene, garlands, wreaths, mistletoe, and holly, and Santa Clause.

"Gifts are exchanged which must first be purchased. Because, heaven help me or you that we make something with our two industrial hands instead of spending tons of money for something at the cheap or expensive retail department store with our hard-working funds for that witch in cuddy hole number three. She talks all the time on her personal mobile phone instead of doing her professional work, but she continues to get paid, since she can't be fired for some dang unknown reason. Or she might toss a legal law suit at the company."

"The current Christmas festival starts the day after Thanksgiving Holiday then goes up to January fifth or so. Because, we ditch the old dry tree that sacrificed its supple branches and limited forest life to show off. So God and his son Jesus can see it. Right? Is that why we cut down a batch of good healthy trees that can supply food for deer and homes for birdies? The Christmas festival involves high, higher, maybe the highest economic activity among both Christians and non-Christians, making the holiday a significant event. A significant event for what?"

Brother Adam sits inside pew number three with a smile and a nod, "Money."

I nod with a smile. "Thank you, Brother Adam. The love of money is the root of all evil. I have a tender spot for planet Earth, home of God, where humans rent the soil, then cut up the land, and dump it on man-made black asphalt for an ugly Earth for humans to become socially civilized. Or act socially civilized? Do they really?

"Hmm. Then the humans built man-made machines to soar across the man-made asphalt, then just pitch the machines into a dumpster like a piece of chewing gum wrapping. Humans allow the waste of all these precious earth metals, such as, steel, titanium, rubber, and vinyl to just sit idol. Do nothing. While humans continue to dig into the limited and precious dirt of earth for more mineral for making more metals, where humans disturb and destroy the earth animals, living in that soil for more metals to what....fill in the blank. Okay?" I smile with a nod.

Brother Adam sits inside pew number eight with a smile and a nod. "Amen."

I turn and view the throne chair with a sour frown. "God sees everything. God sees me."

Brother Adam sits inside pew number one with a smile and a nod. "Amen."

I turn and view the pews of church people with a smile. "Thanks, Brother Adam. I will let you fill in that blank. So humans make po'gress, using my southern twang that makes the word sound like a 'poor progress' in a way. It is a poor progress to use earth resources, then abuse the metals for nothing, but waste on greed or vanity or pride. What do you think?"

Brother Adam sits inside pew number one with a smile and a nod. "Amen."

I smile, "Hmm. Greed. Vanity. Pride. These three nouns remind me of something really evil." I nod to him. "Thanks, Brother Adam. I digress. I read about a small city in Ohio that displays three point five million lights. Three, point, five, zero, zero, zero, zero, zero....lots of zeros for lighting up Christmas."

Sister Eve sits inside pew number one with a sour frown. "I object, Sister Eve. You criticize our lovely Christian Christmas. We're all Christians here. We love Jesus by celebrating His earthly birth."

I nod with a smile. "Yes. I'm aware of that too. Is celebrating a birth different from honoring a birth? I celebrate with a cake and candles. I honor another person's birth with a gift. Are these two statements different?" I pause. "In a small town of Ohio, they burn three point five million bulbs that create pretty lights. The lights are a gorgeous crimson red matching the red berries. The red berries were held within the prickly thorns, representing the Crown of Thorns. The Crown of Thorns was worn by Brother Jesus at His crucifixion for the red blood that He had shed for all human sin then and now. The three point five million bulbs create pretty lights, tons of heat, and a great big electricity bill paid by the city, the saint, or maybe by Santa Clause. Would you not agree? Does that make Brother Jesus happy?"

"Yes." Sister Eve sits inside pew number two with a nod and a smile.

"Does that make Brother Jesus sad?" I frown.

"No." Sister Eve sits inside pew number two with a sour frown.

I say. "Does Brother Jesus want three point five million bulbs of lights or three point five million people fed on His Birthday?"

Sister Eve stands inside pew number two with a sour frown. "You...you're just mean, Sister Eve. Christmas is more than three point five million bulbs. It is a time to reflect. Be joyous. And for all Christians to remember Jesus while celebrating His life."

I smile with a nod. "Why not celebrate in His life the other 364 days of the year with more lights or less lights or more food to the homeless or less food to the homeless?"

Sister Eve sits inside pew number eight with a smile and a nod. "We do celebrate Jesus' life by coming to church and inside our homes with our families and socializing with our friends."

"Feeding the homeless..." I view Sister Eve with a smile and a nod. "That's great for you folks here at this small church and smaller community in Pointsville. What about the other 396,999,757 Americans throughout the USA? How about the world of seven billion? Should we not celebrate in His life with all the other men, women, teens, children, toddlers, and babies, who come in an assortment of white, black, red, yellow, pink, brown, and blue? Well blue ain't really a viable skin tone." giggling.

"You're impossible to please, Sister Eve. I'm leaving. Get up, Marian. We are done here. I'm not listening to a zealot, who doesn't believe in God or His son Jesus." Brother Adam stands from pew number eight with a sour frown, grabbing her hand and turns, moving to the front of the church.

The door opens.

I smile with a hand wave. "Bye, ya'll."

The door closes.

I smile with a nod. "The first Nativity scene was created by Saint Francis of Assisi in the year 1223 AD. How does one become a saint on planet Earth? Is it a lottery? Is it a popularity contest with the Pope? Is it...fill in that blank? I digress. The first ever commercialized Christmas decoration appeared in the foreign country of Germany in the year 1860. It was a long continuous green and red paper chain made by little sweet children. I bet Jesus' smile was so broad that His rosy cheekbones almost cracked and bleed. The physical nativity scene thingy was designed with individual pieces of wood, metal, and rock. Then every future homemade nativity scene thing was made by two working hands and considered a valuable family heirloom. A family heirloom made from a piece of tree wood and ground rock for honoring Brother Jesus. Awe. Do people still honor Brother Jesus by making things with their two naked hands? Or buy it on the internet? Quick and fast speedy service, I guess today presently, currently."

Brother Adam sits inside pew number four with a smile and a nod. "Yeah, honey. We do here in Pointsville. We have folks, making precious art work pieces with their naked hands, Sister Eve."

I nod with a smile. "Christmas decorations included lights, banners, music, wrapping papers, flowers, poems, evergreen trees, mistletoe, bells, candles, candy canes, stockings, wreaths, angles, ivy, berries. No thorns. People don't like thorns. They bite, scratch, and bleed with holly, folly, and molly. Molly lights the candle in her window...naw...the homemade curtain drapes might catch fire and burn the house down into the wintertime snow. So Molly lights the candle on the fireplace hearth, maybe to show me...naw...her that Brother Jesus is the ultimate light of the world. Amen."

Sister Eve sits inside pew number eight with a smile and a nod. "Amen."

I smile with a nod. "My posed question to you nice folks here in Pointsville. What does Brother Jesus want for His Birthday?"

Sister Eve sits inside pew number three with a smile and a nod. "Peace on earth. Goodwill to mankind."

I nod with a smile. "Excellent answer, Sister Eve. Awesome reply. How do we achieve peace on planet Earth, God's property? That's a tuffie, girlfriend. However, goodwill to mankind is most easier and quiet simple. Goodwill is defined as a kindly feeling, sweetly interest, worriedly concern from the noun good. I have studied the Holy Bible for years, decades, long time now. I have found over time with the aid of a computer the word 'love' appears seven hundred times. The word 'God' appears 3,358 times. And the word 'good' shows 720 times. But the word goodwill appears only once, one time. And I quote 'Glory to God in the highest and on Earth peace and goodwill to men, mankind and womankind.'"

Brother Adam sits inside pew number one with a smile and a nod. "Luke 2:14."

I nod with a smile. "Thank you, Brother Adam. It starts in the Book of Luke 2:8, 'the country shepherds in the fields watching their flock. Then a heavenly angel appears and sings 'glory to God in the highest and on Earth peace and goodwill to men.'"

Sister Eve sits inside pew number two with a smile and a nod. "Amen."

I frown. "Ain't no goodwill from mankind practiced or being practiced toward man, woman, child, beast, buddy, or tree bark here in the present now, today, right this moment."

Sister Eve sits inside pew number five with a sour frown. "You're wrong for thinking negative about Jesus and His Birthday."

I nod with a smile. "It seems to me that the world's gone rotten apple seed bad. Some folks think that our planet Earth is coming to an end. In the Book of Luke 21:10, 'Brother Jesus says, nation against nation and kingdom against kingdom, because people will become more cruel not less cruel. Amen."

Brother Adam sits inside pew number two with a nod and a smile. "Amen."

I smile. "In the Book of Luke 21:11, 'Brother Jesus says on planet Earth with us on it, people will suffer through famines, pestilences, and earthquakes in various places.' I find that particular wording very interesting and disturbing, denoting a non-specific geographical location on planet Earth. I digress. That too is happening right here, right now, rightly forever and forever until Brother Jesus returns. Amen."

Brother Adam sits inside pew number six with a smile and a nod. "Amen."

I smile with a nod. "Planet Earth ain't coming to an end, because I'm still here. Because, I'm a Christian that believes in the Rapture. I went to a convenience food and gas station around the corner of my house to get some gas for my car, so I can drive to work. This was two days before Easter. That event, we celebrate for one or two days. Right?

"The nice cashier, middle aged southern lady, nice manners with good teeth stood behind the store counter, taking my money. Then she smiled and posed to me, 'Wouldn't it be wonderful if Brother Jesus came on the day of Easter like the Holy Bible says?'

"What in the heck? Of course, I didn't repeat that to the dumbo woman with a twinkle in both green irises with the hope of seeing that Brother Jesus floats down from the sky like a freaking bird. Since, He doesn't need a cloud or an airplane or a space ship." I smile with a whisper. "Rapture?"

"Amen." Brother Adam sits inside pew number eight with a smile and a nod.

"Thanks kindly, Brother Adam. The Holy Bible says that the Rapture is the Second Coming of Brother Jesus."

"He'll come and take all Christians into heaven." Sister Eve sits inside pew number six with a smile and a nod.

I nod with a smile. "Thank you, Sister Eve. Animals have souls. They will go to heaven too with us. The Holy Bible says that the wolf will lay down with the lamb. This particular sentence from the Holy Bible tells me that I will see my old friend Boots. That's a silly name for a cat. Boots had white color contrasted against her four black legs on her paws like a set of boots. I know that she is in heaven, watching and waiting for me to arrive to smooth her furry belly."

Brother Adam sits inside pew number nine with a smile and a nod. "Amen."

I nod with a smile. "Thanks, Brother Adam. Wonder if one day you are out in the back yard, grilling some hamburger patties right before that rival sports game, then your aged good-hearted coon dog named Spot disappears right in front of your two eyeballs like magic faster than a blink of an eyelid. And then you do not." I honestly know that some folks inside this church will not make that Rapture meeting as I smile with a giggle. "Amen."

Brother Adam sits inside pew number eight with a smile and a nod. "Amen."

I smile with a nod. "The term rapture comes from the Latin verb raptare and the Greek word harpizo. Both mean 'to be caught up' or 'to be snatched up.' It was described by Brother Jesus that He will 'snatch us' out of harm's way as written in First Thessalonians 4:16-17. 'Brother Jesus will come down from heaven with a loud command, a voice of the archangel, and a trumpet call of God. Then the dead will rise first.' After that, you, me, he, she, him, her, who are still alive working at our office desks, will 'be caught up together' into the fluffy pretty clouds to meet Brother Jesus in the air waves. That's so cool. Ain't it? And we are with Brother Jesus foreverly. Stage I is completed for a true Christian. Brother Jesus will remove all folks that believe in God from planet Earth to protect them from evil doers."

Sister Eve sits inside pew number one with a smile and a nod. "Amen."

I smile with a nod. "The Holy Bible is so freaking awesome with its words and knowings. The Rapture section is listed in the Book of First Corinthians, Chapter 15:51. 'Listen. I tell you a mystery.' I tell you a mystery. Man and mankind ain't God great with His wickedly freaking set of sentence structure. I tell ya a mystery. Don't ya get it? Life is the mystery that you, me, her, him, she, and he are supposed to figure out without cheating, since ya can't cheat God. No way. Never. Try it. Fail it. Then ye die. But what if we don't figure it out and just keep sinning and sinning and smiling. Is that it? I get one single solo shot for my salutation or be destroyed foreverly. Then what? Amen."

Sister Eve sits inside pew number nine with a smile and a nod. "Amen."

I smile with a nod. "In the Book of First Corinthians15:51-55, 'Listen. I tell you a mystery. You will not sleep but be changed in a flash in the twinkling of an eyelash at the last trumpet call of God.' Halleluiah. Halleluiah. Amen."

Sister Eve sits inside pew number three with a smile and a nod. "Halleluiah. Halleluiah. Amen."

I giggle. "Thank you very much, Sister Eve. Good job. In the Book of Job 19:26-27, 'my skin is destroyed, but my flesh will see God.'" I pause. "I will see God with my own eyes. As I read from Book of Job 19:27, 'how my heart yearns within me.' Yearns? How about beating so fast that it's about to blast into cold outer space to think that you can see God? The VIP super being, who created your fine biological body, your smart mind, and the ability to shit without sitting in the cold grass. Amen," chuckling.

Brother Adam sits inside pew number two with a grin and a chuckle. "Amen."

I smile with a nod. "My eyes. My ears. My heart. My taste buddies. I will be nervous. Drooling? Afraid? Awe strike? Hell, yeah. Amen."

"Right on." Brother Adam sits inside pew number eight with a smile and a nod.

I smile with a nod. "The big pow-wow, one on one with God."

Brother Adam sits inside pew number four with a smile and a nod. "Amen."

I frown. "In the Book of First Corinthians 15:52, 'the perishable with be imperishable and the mortal with have immortality. Death has been swallowed up in victory. Where, O death is your victory? Where, O death is your sting?' God has got a great freaking way with His words? Amen."

Sister Eve sits inside pew number three with a smile and a nod. "Amen."

I say with a stern face. "My heart bleeds for the folks that don't believe in the Rapture, but it is not my beeswax. I shall not judge as taught in my personal instruction manual. The personal instruction manual is the Holy Bible. You work an eight hour or more intense shitty job to pay the monthly mortgage today. Your boss man or woman is a bitch. Can you imagine working for Satan foreverly? Now that really is a son of a bitch. Amen."

Brother Adam sits inside pew number six with a laugh and a grin. "Amen."

I smile with a nod. "I digress on purpose. The Holy Bible states that the Rapture comes and then dum, dum, dum hmmm...the Tribulation."

Brother Adam sits inside pew number six with a smile and a nod. "Amen."

I nod with a smile. "Thank you, Brother Adam. In the Book of Matthew 24:9-13, I will provide my modern verse. 'Deliver you left alone and peeing down your newly waxed legs into your pair of expensive designer leather heels up to the Tribulation. You will be hated by all. Folks will be offended, will betray one another, and will hate one another. Then many false prophets will rise up and deceive. Lawlessness will abound greatly and love grows cold quickly Every man and woman, who are left behind inside the Tribulation, is gonna be surprised. Hell yeah. Right on. Missed that bus, buddy."

Brother Adam sits inside pew number eight with a smile and a nod. "Amen."

I nod with a smile. "Thanks kindly, Brother Adam. Stage I is done per the secret Rapture. The good and dead Christians have arisen. The good and live Christians are gone too. Now, the rise of the antichrist with a little 'c' comes, since I don't like giving evil any VIP significant. Because I believe, embrace, and love the light of God. Amen."

Sister Eve sits inside pew number one with a smile and a nod. "Amen."

I smile with a nod. "The Tribulation is a mass or mess of wicked folks left on planet Earth for punishment. Geez. Is that not a superstar scary mental mind thought blog? Does that not freakingly frighten ya into wetting your pink lace panties? Hell yeah. Right on. Please don't miss that bus, brother or sister?"

Sister Eve sits inside pew number eight with a smile and a nod. "Amen."

I say. "After the single never-to-be-repeated forever done Rapture, God will judge the unbelievers during a period which is called the Tribulation. At the end of the Tribulation, do pardon my French, all freaking hell with break foot loose and dance on your bloody head. What? Why? How?"

Sister Eve sits inside pew number nine with a smile and a nod. "Jesus returns."

I nod with a smile. "Correct, Sister Eve. Brother Jesus comes back to planet Earth that's owned by His Daddy for a third and final time. Three strikes, your fanny is out of that baseball game. Brother Jesus will physically return for a third time leading millions of angels from heaven at the Battle of Armageddon. Wait a minute. Hold the phone. What if? Wow. What if, our purpose here on planet Earth is too learn to be humble and to experience humiliation, embarrassment, and tromp-ness of our body, our mind, and our ten naked toe bones to make our invisible heavenly soul stronger. Wow. When we die and ascend into heaven our purpose is to train to be one of Brother Jesus' warrior angels. Think it, man and woman. Brother Jesus will return in a physical human body form, wearing the color of pure white like the good guys.

"He will be in his warrior angel battle gear, a white vest underneath a white T-shirt with a set of matching ripped and worn white blue jeans with a pair of cool white cowboy boots. I like my cowgirl boots. Then Brother Jesus will zoom down trailing a bolt of yellowish-white lightning from the heaven, leading a legion of His angel armies. Can ya see it? So awesome-ness. He will possess a golden sword in one hand and a silver pike axe in the other. That was a popular weapon in the Bible times, since semi-automatics were outlawed then as now. And He will whack, whack, whack, attack. Ugh. Bye-bye." I smile with a nod.

Brother Adam sits inside pew number eight with a smile and a nod. "Amen."

I smile with a nod. "Brother Jesus and His angels will destroy every one who is not a believer. Satan gets his fanny jailed in hell by a heavenly angel, who comes from heaven. I wonder which archangel gets that fun deed. I'm always thinking. Then Satan lives inside a bottomless pit and jailed for one thousand years. Harsh, scary, frightful and not fun. I don't wanna be with my pal Satan to live out my soul-life tormented day and night, forever and ever. Geez. The words are right here inside the Holy Bible: tormented day and night, forever and ever.

"While our Bro Jesus sets up His kingdom on Earth, I bet you, him, her, she, and he will be re-planting tree seedlings, milking cows for drink, and cleaning up the pockets of polluted lands on planet Earth left by all them wickedness folks. We will be working six days out of seven during a work week and resting on the seventh like God did, after He made the earth, the stars, and the moon. I mean it says right here in my personal instruction manual that Brother Jesus will reign for a one thousand years together with Michael, Gabriel, Uriel, Metatron, and the others which will known as the Millennial Kingdom.

"So we all get to live here on a shitty trashed planet Earth and maybe eat tree bark and some soft warm earthwormies and drink cups of raw milk from the local farm animals. Or might be, we play with the lamb and lion in the meadow fields, singing tunes. I can't even fathom inside my fragile little mind a new planet Earth under Boss man Jesus, who assigns Saint Peter as my earthly supervisor. Can ya?

"The reason, I mention the assignment of cleaning up the planet during Boss man Jesus' mighty reign is two words, free will. Some folks might not like milking cows or eating soft warm earthwormies. I hope for some supernatural powers to zap my taste buddies numb from the soft earthworm meat. Yeehaw. I'm not really a country girl but a city princess. However, some supernatural real angel girly powers would make hauling and lifting all of these dead tree logs easy," giggling.

Sister Eve sits inside pew number eight with a sour frown. "You jest, Sister Eve?"

I shake my curls with a stern face. "I do not jest."

12:04 p.m.

The door opens.

Sister Eve stands in the door archway of the next room with a smile and a hand wave. "Our lunch is served hot inside the kitchen. Just grab a plate of food and drive then park your fanny right back here into your pew seat as Sister Eve continues the preaching, ya'll."

The church people stand and move to the open archway, softly mumbling, grabbing a plate of hot food and circle around, sitting back on the same pew in their assigned seat.

I stand last in the long line, grabbing a plate of food and move through the auditorium, sitting inside one of two throne chairs at the podium in front of the pews.

And then I eat, chew, and swallow my food.

12:17 p.m.

I wipe my mouth and say with a smile and a nod. "I don't wanna eat soft warm earthwormies for food during the Tribulation." I lift the fork of food with a smile and a nod. "I like this best. But I do seriously ponder. Why in the heck doesn't the preacher-man talk about this awesome predictable coming to a neighbor nearest you the Rapture? The Rapture, one is taken and the one is not taken."

Brother Adam sits inside pew number eight with a smile of food particles between his teeth and a nod. "Amen."

I nod with a smile. "Yeah. I hope that I'm the one taken too."

"Me, too." Sister Eve sits inside pew number two and splits out her food.

I smile with a nod. "After His one thousand years reign, Boss man Jesus is done then Satan gets a get out of free jail card. And Satan gets to tempt us suckers for a second time. Geez. So we second time humans have to pray and fight over evil for a second time. Then Satan and a group of stupid, lazy, and mean non-Christians will take up arms, probably bows and arrows, since we are living in the Stone Age again. Good news, thou. This is a future prediction by me, compliment of The Holy Bible.

"Brother Jesus, Archangel Michael, and goody-good company of angels battle and defeat the idiots, of course. The good versus evil thing, where good always wins. Then Brother Jesus will judge every soul giving out a piece of peppermint candy for punishment of the losers to suck on while inside hell and a nice sweet reward to the other true Christians who will live freely and foreverly. Then the sorry losers go straight back into hell by-passing heaven and keeping their sorry souls company with Satan. Then God, I use that word gloriously and awesomely, and I will repeat for your eardrums. Then God destroys both heaven and earth. Golly, because it is polluted by sin. God destroys all the sinners. One moment ya exist, the next ya don't." I snap fingers with a giggle. "That's effing harsh, scary, and makes your toes curl into hair rollers."

"Amen." Brother Adam sits inside pew one with a smile and a nod.

I smile with a nod. "God will create a new heaven and a new earth with the winners and rule it foreverly. What do you think we will be doing on the new Earth which will be created by God? I wanna learn how to play a banjo and paint a swan and dance a rumba and sing like a bird. I like to sing and draw and dance and play music. Any comments? Any observations? Any words?"

"Amen." Brother Adam sits inside pew number six with a smile and a nod.

I smile with a nod, "Yeehaw. You can't make this good stuff up. You can't buy a book anywhere in the retail store with this heavenly concept. The happy end. What a great ending? What a great story? What a great you? Where you will be there?"

"I will be with Jesus." Sister Eve sits inside pew number four with a smile and a nod.

"Amen." Sister Eve sits inside pew number nine with a smile and a nod.

I smile with a nod. "Aren't we the lowest beings of light on the tall celestial totem pole of angel beings? Where are you, me, her and him inside heaven, after we die? In heaven's study hall, reading the Holy Bible. Because, I can tell, standing right here in my new cowgirl boots, that lots of you do not read your personal instruction manual, the Holy Bible, if you are a Christian. Or are we locked away into a heavenly jail for being a murderer, a robber, a thief, or a busybody? God does not like the evil and meanie folks. And I bet the badass folks do not make it to a new earth and a new heaven. What do you think?"

"Amen." Sister Eve sits inside pew number four with a smile and a nod.

I exhale. "Why doesn't the preacher-man talk about the comings in the Book of Revelations? I find this stuff important for remaining a live and breathing soul. Maybe, that is why we are here to learn how to eat soft warm earthworms and milk dairy cows for warm drink with our two hands like a real cowboy. Now I wished that I had lived in the wild, Wild West. Maybe, this world, including this dirt, this air, and this biological shell, is a practice for living on the new planet Earth as told in the Book of Revelations. Because I bet when Boss man Jesus is leader, we ain't going to be speeding down a black paved asphalt road in a shiny new machine car or lazily watching television every weekday night after working an eight hour day for a piece of material money. What do you think?"

"Amen." Brother Adam sits inside pew number three with a smile and a nod.

I smile with a nod. "I have a purpose with my preaching method for folks that like to listen and learn. I like to explain all the hard stuff first, getting and going to live on a new earth. So I did. If you survive through God's wrath, then you will make it to a new earth, before the Second Coming of Brother Jesus. It makes it seems much easier, when you do all your homework before the big test. Amen."

Brother Adam sits inside pew number three with a smile and a nod. "Amen."

I lift and open the Bible. "Let us back trace in the Book of Galatians 5:17, Paul is preaching at his first missionary duty to the Galatians. 'Paul says that the flesh is lustful against the soul. The soul is sweeter without the flesh. To be led by the sweet soul, you need to stay away from lasciviousness or sexual desire, idolatry, witchcraft, hatred, emulations and competitively strive to be better without bad wrath, strife, sedition, heresy, envy, murder, drunkenness, and reveling. Paul concludes, do not do such stuff, buddy. Then you will inherit the kingdom of God.' Man. Not just the word 'heaven' but the entire words of kingdom of God.

"When you read the Holy Bible backwards which is kinda like cheating by viewing the ending first like on a good mystery novel, you know that the kingdom of God ain't just plain ole trashy planet Earth here." I stomp floor. "Or it is not plain old pretty heaven there." I point to the ceiling. "So you live in the old earth and an old heaven plus a new earth and a new heaven. When you possess more than one planet, I guess that is a heavenly kingdom," chuckling.

Brother Adam sits inside pew number three with a smile and a nod. "Amen."

I smile with a nod. "Thank you, Brother Adam. Some of these words are too big for my memory banks. What is idolatry?"

Sister Eve sits inside pew number eight with a sour frown and a nod. "Not practiced here in the US, since the introduction of our Savior Jesus Christ. We don't sit around creating little statues of the Greek god Ares from my sophomore college English Literature class anymore. Didn't you go to college, Sister Eve? We are educated to worship and love God in the twenty first century."

"Mobile telephone?" I smile with a nod.

Sister Eve frowns. "What?"

"A seventy inched plasma television?" I smile with a nod.

Sister Eve frowns. "What?"

I smile with a nod. "A laptop, a car, a manicured lawn, the internet, an illegal joint, a sugary drink, I can go on and on and on with more current twenty first century images of stone or steel from a human's curious scientific mind. Yes. I agree with Sister Eve. We do not carve tiny statues of gold anymore, but we do seem to outrageously loving with our toys, sometimes a little too much," giggling.

Sister Eve sits inside pew number two with a sour frown. "You're wrong. Technology is not religious. It's advancement to keep us healthy...."

"...wealthy and wise. A quote from Dr. Benjamin Franklin, who lived in American thirteen colonies around the year 1701 and not a Bible quote, Sister Eve." I smile with a nod. "Covetousness is associated with the term idolatry, but you nice folks chew on that concept. Hmm. This is interesting. The word witchcraft is translated into 'pharmakeia' derived to form the word pharmacy. Pharmacy is defined as the usage of medicine, drugs, spells, and poisons. It seems that there are three stages of pharmakeia. One, the medical use of drugs for the healing comes from a medical physician. Second, the misuse of drugs used to poison and not cure people. And third definition deals with witchcraft. There is another puzzle to solve. Or solved?"

"It means to heal the sick people with natural medicines from the earth." Brother Adam sits inside pew number eight with a smile and a nod.

I smile with a nod. "Sedition is to incite or rebel against a government by writing or speaking to promote a rebellion or a rebellious disorder. What the heck does that mean? It sounds like a protest or maybe the definition of the US Congress in Washington DC. But I will let you decide that definition of this one too?"

Brother Adam sits inside pew number seven with a sour frown and a nod. "I have decided. The definition refers all these silly congressmen and senators of our great USA that rebels against everything, including our nation, the Americans workers, Almighty God and Brother Jesus and probably their own heavenly angels."

I smile with a nod. "Reveling, talking great pleasure or cheery delight in festive merry making or acting like a fool in public, the better television programs on my seventy inched plasma monitor," chuckling. "Subject continued. I am not changing the subject matter, just elaborating on it further using parts of the Holy Bible. There are mortal and minor sins. A mortal or deadly sin destroys the life of kindness, creating damnation into hell. Period. A minor sin is a small guilt like eating the last creamy chocolate donut inside the kitchen of your office work, when you had already consumed four donuts before that. Shame of fame on your dame.

"In the Book of Proverbs 6:16-19, there are six things that God really hates. 'A proud look. A lying tongue. A murdering hand. A wickedly heart. Running feet of mischief. Lying eyeballs. Making discord with among your sisters and brothers.'"

Sister Eve sits inside pew number eight with a smile and a nod. "Amen."

I stomp each boot with a stern face and a serious tone. "Why? Why? Why? Why? Why and why do Christians do these six things that God really hates?"

"Money, meanness, and madness..." frowns Brother Adam inside pew number one.

I nod with a smile. "I concur with you, Brother Adam. Doesn't each Christian read the Bible? Or the internet with the Bible's information? And do not say to me: It isn't so, Sister Eve. Lordy. Lordy. Because, it is so much. Look and hear to all the programs on the television, the radio, the internet, the novels, the magazines, the newspapers, and the other public or private media outlets which are free or purchased with your hard-working dollars. Amen."

Sister Eve sits inside pew number four with a smile and a nod. "Amen."

"A proud look. Brother Jesus says be humble. A lying tongue. God says in the Ten Commandments don't. A murdering hand. God says in the Ten Commandments don't also. A wickedly heart. I will comment here. Satan has a wicked heart unless you know someone else within your air space.

Running feet of mischief. I find the words entertainingly amusing. I think of a three year old toddler, running her naked toe bones to tattle to her mama, when her older brother steals her dolly. Lying eyeballs. You don't possess the ability to mind read. If you did, then you would recognize any degree of lying eyes on a human. Who does possess the ability to read your mind? Yeah. Yes. Uh, huh. You can cheat at cards, but you can't cheat a fate. God, Brother Jesus, and the Holy Spirit are doing the tattling into the correct eardrums. The Holy Spirit is like the cell phone between you and your mama at her house, since God and Brother Jesus are too pure and too holy for you to converse with. Anyone wanna make a remark about that statement?

"The last thing God really hates. The word is right here in the Bible. Hate...h.a.t.e. That is a powerful fugly ugly word for God's people. And finally, the 'bestest' of the 'worsest,' discord with other folks like a bunch of nosy busybodies with your hot gossiping lips plus your cool lying eyeballs within you wickedly evil heart. All this talk reminds of free public television. I see and hear strange people, flapping their lips about nothing but causing both affects and effects in our nice or naughty people's human lives. Wrong. No. Nada. Not.

"You can teach young children about the seven deadly sins with the use of an allegorical image of animals. The toad is greed. A snake is envy. A lion is wrath. A snail is sloth. A pig is gluttony. A goat is lust. A pride is peacock. I got a fabbie idea. Wonder if, we just slapped a bright pastel watercolor mark of the animal on every forehead of a Christian, when they act out one of them seven deadly sins. Then their Christian brothers or sisters will laugh or yell or enjoy correcting that particular sinful going-to-hell behavior. What do you think?"

"Amen." Brother Adam sits inside pew number six with a smile and a nod.

I smile with a nod. "The six things come from the Book of Proverbs 6:16-19 that God really hates. I will repeat for you, since some were sleeping through my verbal presentation the first time. They are a proud look; a lying tongue; a murdering hand; a wickedly heart; running feet of mischief; lying eyeballs, and making discord with among your earthly and hopefully heavenly sisters and brothers, since they mesh so nicely with the seven deadly sins like a peanut butter and jelly sandwich."

Sister Eve sits inside pew number eight with a sour frown. "The seven deadly sins are not listed in the Holy Bible, Sister Eve. You should not confuse the older church members with your silly nonsense."

Brother Adam sits inside pew number nine with a smile and a nod. "I don't agree with Sister Eve sits inside pew number eight, since I label all bad sins bad. Then you do not go into heaven. Please continue your definitions of the seven deadly sins, Sister Eve."

I nod with a smile. "Okie. Dokie. The first deadly sin is greed. Greed is a desire for material wealth, ignoring the realm of spiritual. Greed is a sin of excess, too much, too many. How many blue shirts do ya really need, Joe? Man. If God judges me here now, then Saint Pete will not be opening the right side of these white shiny pearly gates up for me? As a matter of fact, I do believe lots of Christians might not make the Christmas list this year. Scavenging and hoarding of materials, including thief and robbery by means of violence, trickery, or manipulation of authority, especially material wealth. Whoa the galloping stagecoach! In the Book of Luke 18:22, 'Brother Jesus says sell all your material stuff, give to the poor, and follow me into Heaven.' Amen."

"Amen." Sister Eve sits inside pew number three with a nod and a smile.

I smile with a nod. "The second deadly sin is gluttony. Gluttony is derived from the Latin word gluttire meaning to gulp down or swallow. It is the over indulgence and over consumption of anything to a point of wasteful. How interesting? We were taught not to waste anything, especially food. Food restaurants are everywhere. I love the places where you can get everything for nine dollars and ninety nine cents. So what does God think about that gluttonous advertisement, encouraging His people to eat until stuffed like a newborn pinky-pink piglet with its mama's warm milk?

"The Christian leadership dictates Christian religion for lots of Christians who live in the USA, who read the Bible. Since, Sister Eve has pointed out so elegantly that the seven deadly sins ain't inside the Holy Bible. But Christians are kitty-cat and tomcat curious creations of what not to do to get your ass landed in hell jail. The Christian society considers a sin of glutton as a deadly sin too, because a greedy desire is to eat too much, too soon, and too nosily," laughing.

"Just jesting. When you eat too much, it is a sin. While the needy people in the world, maybe around the corner of your house or down the street of your house or next door to your house, do not receive a white bag of Dee Dee's hamburgers on their empty food platter. Hmm. Do overweight Americans know about this church sin as a Christian?"

Brother Adam sits inside pew number three with a smile and a nod. "Amen."

I smile with a nod. "Let us add some Holy Scripture from the Book of Leviticus 19:10 'do not gather every grape from the vine but leave the good grapes for the poor and strangers.' Hmm. A selfless act requested by God. Some people equate gluttony with selfishness. Old selfishness is in a category all by itself, placing concern for one's own selfie interest above the well-being of another man or woman or teen or child or infant. Let me add from the Book of Proverbs 16:26, I paraphrase. 'A laborer labors for food. He works to get money to buy food and to eat food. Paul says whoever does not work, neither shall he eat.' This comes from the Second Book of Thessalonians 3:10."

Brother Adam sits inside pew number three with a smile and a nod. "Amen."

I smile with a nod. "Thomas Aquinas was a medieval church leader, who listed six types of gluttony. And I believe relate very well in today's modern society, since I keep hearing the whining nasal tones that old parts of the Holy Bible can't be applied to the twenty first century. The list starts with eating too soon; eating too expensively; eating too much; eating too eagerly; eating too daintily, and eating wildly. Geez. God judges us on eating. I sin too," giggling.

Sister Eve sits inside pew number nine with a smile and a nod. "Amen."

Sister Eve sits inside pew number two with a sour frown. "You are being silly, Sister Eve."

I smile with a nod. "Sloth is both a physical and spiritual laziness. Double wham-o. Sloth is a failure to do things that one should do. What things should God's person do? Let us list them for all eardrums. Provide for yourself. Provide for your family. Provide for the poor. Provide for the animals. Provide for a zillion things. Because, God has given you great gifts, such as, a brain, a body, a heart plus a soul to keep it all in a happy balance, these are your personal God-given talents, making you unique while overcoming a desire of sloth..."

"You're wrong, Sister Eve. The word sloth and all those meanings are not listed inside my personal instruction manual, The Holy Bible. See ya make stuff up happily to make us unhappy?" Sister Eve sits inside pew two with a sneer.

Brother Adam sits inside pew number three and reads his personal instruction manual. "'The desire of the slothful kills him for his hands refuse to labor.' That comes from the Bible in the Book of Proverbs 21:25."

Sister Eve sits inside pew number eight with a smile and a nod. "Or that person just is out and out a lazy bum. The Book of Poems is called Proverbs. The words are poems from a group of eastern preachers in the land of Judean. Jesus didn't say these words in His earth lessons. You can't continue to classify all of us in this matter. We are not sinners. We read our Bibles. We go to church. We provide for our family. We socialize with our friends. The seven deadly sins are not in the Bible only Jesus' sweet words and sweet acts. You should be preaching on Sunday service from the Holy Bible and not making up garage that another preacher creates like that Thomas Aquaman or whatever."

I frown. "Yes, Sister Eve. You are correct. The Book of Proverbs is a book of short sentences composed like poems. And Brother Jesus didn't mumble these Bible words. But I still would like to continue the lecture, since the word 'sloth' is a tiny reference inside the Holy Bible. Is that okay with you, Sister Eve?"

Sister Eve exhales with a nod. "I guess so. But I want all Christians here to remember that the seven deadly sins are not in the Bible. They're just a list of what not to do as a good person living with nice folks on Earth."

I smile with a nod. "Wrath. Let's be clear here. Wrath is a very powerful word. God's wrath on mankind. The Flood. The Frogs. I do not want to see God's bad side. Period. The definition of wrath is rage, uncontrollable hatred, angry, self-destructiveness, violence, and such. Today, there are century long fighting bloody feuds between man and man, family and family, nation and nation of hateful wrath which are hu-man feelings of angry that manifest into impatience, revenge, and vigilantism."

"Amen." Brother Adam sits inside pew number six with a smile and a nod.

I smile with a nod. "Envy. Jealousy. Envious. Desire. A double whammy here. Envy is one of the deadly sins and is listed as one of the Ten Commandments. Double whoa, folks. O. O. O. Dante Alighieri is an Italian book writer, probably on the best book seller's list during the fourteenth century. He suggests that a punishment for envy is to sew shut up using tiny steel wire the eyelids of that envious human, because they see pleasurable material possessions. Ouch. I can approve and improve upon that simple painful concept too. Eye for an eye. Tooth for a tooth. Eyelid for an eyelid. These evil deeds should be associated with bloody actions comes directly from the Book of Exodus 21:24. I think that we should institute the punishments of Exodus into today's society."

Brother Adam sits inside pew number six with a smile and a nod. "Amen."

I smile with a nod. "Pride. A lion's pride. He is king of the African jungle, wearing a mane of fur around his neck like a crown with a set of four sharp fangs for getting even and keeping justice within his forest kingdom. The pride of America, I'm a US citizen. I love my USA country. And I love the South. Ya'll got that cute list: God. Country. Football."

Brother Adam sits inside pew number seven with a smile and a nod. "Yeehaw."

I smile with a nod. "Ya got it right, Brother Adam. God comes first. The first, origin, and most serious item of the seven deadly sins is pride. Why? God gave us His gifts, such like, a brain, a body, and a heart. First, a brain for people to make a living, using their smart fast intellect to produce inventions like a mobile telephone or singing music like a song or writing book or making money without producing nothing but paper stocks in the Stock Market. Second, a body for people to use, making a living like in fashion modeling, crop farming, or ball sporting. Third, a heart is for people to feel to make a living to help people, plants, and animals like a preacher and a teacher of school or ballet or sports."

Sister Eve sits inside pew six with a smile and a nod. "Amen."

I lift and hold my palm with a smile and a nod. "When your pride is more important or attractive than other humans and you fail to acknowledge the good work of other humans or love thy self way too much over God, God gets jealous. In the Book of Revelations 2:4, 'God is against you, because you have left your first love' behind crying in the rain. Sorry. I was being dramatic. A Christina's first love is God. So do not copycat Satan's folly. Satan's pride got his butthole kicked out of heaven. Heaven is a beautiful spot of singing birds, pretty clouds, and happy faces. Satan wanted to compete with God. And what a freaking television show that probably was, folks? God 1. Satan 0. Halleluiah. Amen."

Sister Eve sits inside pew number nine with a smile and a nod. "Halleluiah."

I smile with a nod. "Lust is the last seventh sin with no needed explanation. With seven deadly sins, there is always the opposite side of a two sided Roman point zero one percent silver coin. Did you know that a Roman coin were not truly hundred percent silver minerals? The Roman emperors reduced the value of the silver and then stole both the coin and the dollars to feed their own personal wealth. I believe that is greedy prideful lust. The seven Holy virtues are..."

"Humility, charity, kindness, patience, chastity, temperance, and diligence," says Sister Eve sits inside pew number four with a smile and a nod.

Brother Adam sits inside pew number three with a smile and a nod. "Hard work."

"Honesty, tolerance, love, patience, hope, faith, kindness, humble, meekness..." says Sister Eve sits inside pew number four with a smile and a nod.

Sister Eve sits inside pew number eight with a smile and a nod. "Prudence, justice, temperance, restraint, courage, and fortitude are some more good qualities of Christians."

I nod with a smile. "Very good, sisters and brothers. In ancient world history, the Greek philosophers Aristotle and Plato identified the first virtues while teaching young boys, who later would become a group of great king-leaders. The virtues are temperance, wisdom, justice, and courage. Let us, for fun, pair a sin with a virtue for us to learn and modify in our sorry lives. Lust is chastity. Gluttony is temperance. Greed is charity. Sloth is diligence. Wrath is patience. Envy is kindness. Pride is humility. In the year 1589, Peter Binsfield paired a sin with a demon. They are the bad angels that hang with Satan. Peter Binsfield says that Satan is representative of pride. Mammon is greed. Asmodeus is lust. Leviathan is envy. Beelzebub is gluttony. Amon is wrath. Belphegor is sloth. We all know that 'the demon made me do it.' Binsfield proves it right here," laughing.

1:05 p.m.

Brother Adam sits inside pew three with a smile and a nod. "Amen."

I smile with a nod. "In the year 2009, a Jesuit scholar had talked, questioned, and polled a group of folks. I do not know what type of questionnaire or sample size. The scholar found that the most deadly sin by a male is lust. Big freaking surprise there, kiddies! A woman's most deadly sin is vanity. Not shocking tidal wave news from the Atlantic coast for that finding. Psss. I think it is the makeup applying, hair coloring, and lipo-zapping eternal beauty thing. I bet God laughs his off ass every damn day with the silly stupid females of the species trying to alter His heavenly creation. By the way, the heavenly creation is going to fade into the wind like a summer afternoon's thunder storm."

Brother Adam sits inside pew number six with a smile and a nod. "Amen."

I smile with a nod. "Let us discuss the characteristics of each heavenly virtue. Chastity is not a word popular and rarely uttered by me, you, him, or her, and also not practiced by a lot of teenagers, young, or mature adults either. The word means not to have sex until your honeymoon night. But I will say no more. And if you want to need more about lustful sex, go and ask your mama or your daddy."

"Daddy..." says young teen Brother Adam inside pew number four with a smile and a nod as his father leans down with a whisper and a stern face.

I nod with a smile. "Temperance is self-control, justice, and honor while being mindful of another human's feelings, surroundings, family members, and possessions. You possess an ability to judge your actions against others' actions for a given situation and to monitor between self-interest versus public-interest against the rights and needs of other humans. Hmm. That sounds a little like using the biblical concept of discretion from The Book of Psalms 112:1."

Brother Adam sits inside pew number one with a smile and a nod. "Amen"

I smile with a nod. "Charity is benevolence in giving your time and money, generosity of your time and money, and sacrifice of your money and time for other humans. Love is the greatest of the three virtues. Giving kindness to all humans is the perfection of a human spirit. You offer glory and honor of God's grace. Do not confuse 'this' love infused in our soul with 'that' love stirred within our heart for emotions of your biological child or girlfriend or boyfriend."

Sister Eve sits inside pew number one with a smile and a nod. "Amen."

I smile with a nod. "Diligence is persistence, effort, and ethics, countering laziness. He has a zeal for life. You have heard that human phrase too. The human works for a living, the right way, since ethics is a right or wrong way of accomplishing a single task. There is that fifty percent judgment of your selfie. One woman does it right and one woman does it wrong. During the Rapture eye blink moment, one woman is taken and one woman is left. Ponder that single solo one moment, folks?"

Sister Eve sits inside pew number seven with a smile and a nod. "Amen."

I smile with a nod. "Time is a steady variable always moving one second at a time. I wished I had more time to read, to exercise, to swim, to sleep, to play, to pray, and to other. Diligence is budgeting one's limited time with selfie, family, friends, work, church, play, and God. God is selfish that way. Isn't He? There is only twenty four hours in a day and a night. And we are asked to pray to God within our busy schedule. Why?"

Brother Adam sits inside pew number seven with a smile and a nod. "God created us."

I nod with a smile. "Exactly. Since God took a few seconds out of His busy schedule to create us in His likeness image. I do believe that we should drop on our kneecaps and sing our songs of amen."

Sister Eve sits inside pew number nine with a smile and a nod. "Amen."

I smile with a nod. "Or do it from the sitting pew? That's work too. Wow. I am just thinking out loud here. If we don't waste our limited time and hard working money, scavenging around for these material objects, they ain't coming with us into heaven when we die. But instead, we generously donor our hard working money, then we spend our limited time with our loving family unit and good friends and unknown strangers. Maybe, we all can work to help the poor, the meek, and the abused from the two-legged to the eight-legged living creatures on planet Earth to enjoy a happy and honest selfie life. Then we all can give thanks for God's gifts of a mind, a heart, a soul, truly making planet Earth a great place to live, before we all grow old and die from heart failure."

"Amen." Sister Eve sits inside pew number five with a smile and a nod.

I smile with a nod. "Patience is mercy and peace to resolve conflict and injustice through a peaceful way, not a violent method. That is a lovely mental thought. I wish for a physically attribute from all Christians around the world the grace to forgive and show mercy to all Christians and sinners. Nice thought. In reality, I do not know. It seems too farfetched within my neurons or heart which one causes the sinner to sin or the Christian to show mercy. Within the virtue of patience, God's person creates, builds, and maintains a peaceful, stable, kind community of folks, mammals, and insects instead of a hostile, suffering, and angry bunch of bitches."

Sister Eve sits inside pew number four with a smile and a nod. "Amen."

I smile with a nod. "Kindness is free. A smile is free. A handshake is free. A puff of air is free. Charity is free giving your free time, if you don't have money. Friendship is free, giving a pair of hands to lift an object for an elderly human or a pair of walking legs to tote a basket of stray kittens from a dead road-killed mama cat. Compassion is free. Don't cost a dime from your leather wallet. Trust is earned with kindness without bias, positive outlook, and cheerful demeanor. I will trust you. That is usually a warm sentence from an honest human, who trusts in God. A dog offers kindness, truth, compassion, obedience, and loyalty without talking words for both love and respect freely. Some Christians can learn a few things from man's bestest friend, a dog."

Elder Brother Adam sits inside pew number five with a smile and a nod. "Amen."

I nod with a smile. "I do believe that a dog is God's bestest creature on planet Earth."

Teen Brother Adam sits inside pew number four with a smile and a nod. "Amen."

Elder Brother Adam sits inside pew number one with a smile and a nod. "Amen."

I nod with a smile. "Thanks, numerous Brother Adams. And I do believe that every American family unit should possess a dog. Then when that bastard daddy or that bitch mama tries to hit an innocent child, that vicious dog will attack, maybe kill that bastard daddy or bitch mama. I like that new concept. Amen."

Sister Eve sits inside pew number one with a smile and a nod. "Amen."

I smile with a nod. "Humility is bravery, modesty, and reverence. Don. Da. Don. Da. Don. Go. It is not thinking less of you but thinking of you less. Kinda gets rid of that vanity and pride thing as well. Humility is defined as a modest behavior pattern. That's a freaking shock. Not. But I do believe we need a high school and college academic course study in greater modest behavior. Humility is self-lessness, not self-ishness. Wow. Less is more. Less is better. Less is good. Lesson to learn. I bet these are some an ancient eardrum hearing axioms probably mumbled by Brother Jesus somewhere in the Holy Bible. Amen," smiling.

Brother Adam sits inside pew number three with a smile and a nod. "Amen."

I smile with a nod. "Thank you, Brother Adam. Humility is giving respect. Hmm. I have found in my extensive life time experiences that both respect and truth are earned, not given."

Brother Adam sits inside pew number four with a smile and a nod. "Amen."

I smile with a nod. "Humility is bravery. I think of the word courage. Plato taught the young kings and warriors the act of courage too. Courage is taking on jobs that are hard, tedious, or ugly and not necessarily with a twelve-gauge shotgun in a right shooting hand either."

"I disagree, Sister Eve," Brother Adam sits inside pew number one with a smile and a nod.

I smile with a nod. "Courage of heart, act of passion, and the brain of wisdom are needed to graciously accept the sacrifice of pride. Reverence is the ability to confront fear, uncertainty, intimidation, or evil by using all of God's gifts. His gifts are a brain for wisdom, a heart for promise, a body for teaching, and a soul for faithfulness. I believe in God's mental and physical daily, weekly, yearly game of survival, because the final reward is achieved by fulfilling most of the heavenly virtues rather than indulging in little devilishly vices. Every man sins, because only one is pure..."

"Jesus..." Brother Adam sits inside pew number six with a nod and a smile.

I smile with a nod. "I like to read. I wish I could read all day long and all night long. But I got a job. So I enjoy reading all types of newspapers, magazines, and academic textbooks on the internet, the television, and from the library along with some good fiction entertainment books. I read this article about body exercise. It suggests exercise in moderation, three times per week at thirty minutes to an hour per day. If you want to avoid any serious health problems to your biological and chemical body, then your exercise should not be extreme. Any excessive movement of your body which was built by God, might cause a few mortal wounds, such as, worn joints, crushed cartilages, slipped disks, stress fractures, hypertension, digestive troubles, premature bone loss, and heart attacks.

"I wonder. What all that physical activity of squatting, running, leaping on top of a saber-tooth tiger did to a caveman's body as a hunter of the land or an explorer's body in a ship on the sea or a farmer's body in the tractor on the field or a shepherd's body standing in grassy pastures? So the article recommends, exercising regularly using about seventy five percent of your maximum heart rate capacity. Unbelievable. This article gives you written permission to sit upon your ass, which was built by God, inside your air conditioning space inside your worn leather recliner which is located inside your personal living room. God warns us about false prophets that write false poopy dog shit like this example. Man. I think God should re-establish His old message delivery system."

Sister Eve sits inside pew number seven with a frown. "What are you talking about, Sister Eve?"

Sister Eve sits inside pew number four with a sour frown and a nod. "That's a wise medical article, preventing health problems to maintain a healthy heart to live longer. In today's times, people live to be almost hundred years old. Your body doesn't get injured. And ya don't die from silliness like smoking or drugs."

I smirk. "God should send down an angel to tell you what to do. I wanna add a heavenly twist of honoring that commandment: love thy neighbor as thy self." I lift and wave my arms with a giggle. "I can see it now. You are sitting in your worn but cozy leather chair, watching some adventure television program. Then a head of blonde hair with a glowing halo pops out in 3-D right above that mounted plasma television monitor, scaring ya shitless or maybe, scaring the shit inside your tidy whities. Then the angel does not smile but shouts in a trumpet tenor. 'Get your lazy ass out that chair, go down the street, and help elderly Mrs. Jones into your car for her weekly grocery shopping. And dumbass, you pay for her grocery bill as well.'

"Then the angel leaves your living room wall. Poof." I laugh as some of the church people smile or stand. The standing ones turn and move to the front of the church.

The door opens.

Sister Eve sits inside pew number three with a smile and a nod. "Amen."

The door closes.

I smile with a nod. "Or how about a single or two lined writing note on the wall? That would be a hoot, right? You would have the first written message in animal blood on your private personal residential home living room wall. You would be famous too. Your name and your face will be seen by every pair of naked eyeballs on the entire planet, making you rich also. Folks from all over the world would wanna come and see God's handwriting on your home wall, maybe paying to you twenty bucks per face or just ten dollars. Let us not be greedy with one of these seven deadly sins, dude. I guess that is why God is smarter than me and you."

Brother Adam sits inside pew number eight with a smile and a nod. "Amen."

I smile with a nod. "O. O. O. In the Book of Ephesians 6:10-12 says 'be strong in God and His power, wrapping your self in the armor of God to take your stand against Satan.' Yeehaw. I love a good dog fight. Now our struggle is not against flesh and blood but the rulers, the authorities, the powers of this dark world and the forces of evil in the heavenly realms.'"

Sister Eve sits inside pew number one with a smile and a nod. "Amen."

I smile with a nod. "Subject change. Do you know Brother Elijah in the past, in the present, and in the future?"

Brother Adam sits inside pew number seven with a smile and a nod. "Elijah was a prophet of the Book of Kings, who lived in the northern part of Israel during the reign of Ahab in ninth century BC. Elijah defended the worship of God over the Phoenician idol worship god Baal by the silly uneducated citizens. Then Elijah raised the dead and predicted the drought of Israel which greatly upset King Ahab. Then God told Brother Elijah to flee from both King Ahab and Queen Jezebel and hide by the water brook which was called Cherith, east of Jordan. He was feed crumbles of food by ravens.

"When the water brook dried up from the predicted and executed heat drought, God sent Elijah to a widower who lived in a town named Zarephatho in Phoenicia. The widower did not give Elijah shelter or food, because of her fear of starvation from a heated drought. But Elijah said that God will provide the flour and the oil from a jar and a jug, making bread for all of them to consume for food until the rains were returned by God and flood the land..."

"Stop." I lift and raise my palm with a smile. "The demand of the covenant is not given without the promise of the covenant. What's a covenant?"

Brother Adam sits inside pew number one with a smile and a nod, "Promise."

I smile with a nod. "Yes, a promise. God makes those all the dang time with us. Promise is a very important word. So you need to remember that word. We will come back to it later in my sermon. Now, let us go back to Elijah's story.

"The widower fed Elijah her last crumbles of food by an act of her faith in Elijah's spoken words. The widower received the promised blessing from God. So sweet. Then something bad happened, the widower's son died. She cried and wailed over his death, since the only hope for a widower in that ancient society was the labor of love and a living of her son. Good old boy Elijah prayed to God again to restore her son's life. God heard the words. Then the son rose from the death. This is the very first instant recording of a resurrection in the Holy Bible.

"The widower confessed with sing and praise that God was true. So sweet. I bet she is a faithful angel now, giving her orders in heaven. Ironically, the chosen people of God, the Israelites still failed to obey and believe in Him. Unbelievable. There are so many stories like this in the Holy Bible, where God's people don't believe in God or God's rules or God's ways or God's wrath. Man. I do. Man. I do believe. And man, I have felt our Daddy's mean wrath. So we need to understand that Brother Elijah performed a few feats of heavenly miracles on a much smaller scale than Brother Jesus. And the Jewish people still remained loyal to their stupid golden idol gods. Why?"

"Free will," Brother Adam sits inside pew number one with a smile and a nod.

I smirk. "Present time, the people still remain loyal to their stupid golden material idol possessions. Why?"

"Free will," Brother Adam sits inside pew number one with a smile and a nod.

I smile with a nod. "Free will and freedom of speech, thoughts, and action are wonderful values for God's people. And the latter is from our own US Constitution set by them old dudes two hundred years ago into making America, a great place to live and breathe. I digress. Old ancient Brother Elijah remained relentless in his zeal and devotion to God. Some folks, then and now, believe that Brother Elijah was an angel from heaven. Elijah had visited down on planet Earth, since the method of his departure was slightly unusual, which was not death by stones, arrows, or water. He was paraded into heaven like an angel which was brought by fire, coming down from the sky and then taken up in a whirlwind, riding inside a flaming chariot of horses. Now, that is a class act. I wished that I could die like that ascending into heaven on a set of horses' wing instead kicked up there by a mule's hoof. Geez. I'm only flesh and bone. That ashes to ashes and dust to dust thing. Here I come in my 5,846 dollars tub of metal. It didn't rhyme but I tried," laughing.

Sister Eve sits inside pew number three with a smile and a nod. "You are forgiven, Sister Eve."

I smile with a nod. "Thank you, Sister Eve. Some scholars believe that Brother Elijah is the archangel Enoch, who records the deeds of every man, woman, teen, and child on planet Earth. I can accept that. And there's an ancient saying. When dogs are happy for no apparent reason, Brother Elijah is in the neighborhood. I like too. For your future viewing without paying any evil money of gold or silver, Brother Elijah will return coming down first, right before the coming of the 'great and terrible' day of Brother Jesus. That's make Elijah, a harbinger of the Messiah."

Brother Adam sits inside pew number eight with a smile and a nod. "Amen."

I smile with a nod. "O. O. O. What are your favorite lines in the Holy Bible? I like the quote from the Book of Matthew 14:36. 'You only touch the hem of Brother Jesus' garment then you are made perfectly whole or physically and spiritually healthy.' Awesome, mankind. Can you imagine back then in the ancient days? Bro Jesus was just standing there, then you side stepped closer, then side stepped a little closer, then you were near His arm in the flesh and bone. You would see and hear and believe His holy preaching words. Then you would touch with your dirty index finger His ratty smelly ugly dusty robe. Pronto. Change-o. You are healed. Amen."

Sister Eve sits inside pew seven with a smile and a nod. "Amen."

I smile with a nod. "I like to read from the Book of Revelation, the future of things to come for God's people. You definitely don't need a paid fortune teller for these events, folks." I lift and wiggle the Bible with a smile and a nod. "It is right here and it is written in black and white. For my church lecture, I would like to read and study from the Book of Revelation 20:1-3. Fasting..."

Teen Brother Adam sits inside pew number two with a smile and a nod. "Fasting. I can drive my car fast."

His father turns and frowns to his son, "Son?"

Teen Brother Adam looks down with a moan at his hands, "Sorry, Daddy."

I smile. "Thanks to teen Brother Adam. In the Book of Luke 18:12, the male shouts and prays to God inside the church, 'I fast twice in the week.' He means not eating food or drink. Fasting helps you learn and practice the lesson of forgiveness and closeness to God, resisting Satan, and praying for Satan's removal. Wow. God writes inside his personal instruction manual to pray to Him for Satan's removal from planet Earth and get that wicked sucker out of all your life. Wonderful. Hmm? Do you do that?

"Do you pray to resist Satan and remove him from planet Earth? Honestly, that's a new one to me too. I pray to be a good girl. I pray to make it through the day with all my petty troubles, passing my tiny tribulations, and forgiving them stupid trespassers. The trespassers greatly trespass all over a highway road with me in my car, on a business call with me at my work, and in the check-out counter with me and my shopping buggy at the grocery store. But I do not believe that I really pray to rid the planet of Satan. Am I a sinner?"

Brother Adam sits inside pew one with a smile and a nod, "Naw."

I smile with a nod. "Thanks for the confirmation, Brother Adam. Inside the entire Book of Revelation, the Holy Scriptures offer lots of future Christian advice, sounding like a winner to me. Why do we not fast? Take a day off from a working meeting or a school event or a shopping appointment or a leisure play or reading a book and not eat or drink and then talk quietly to God. And then pray silently to God. We take a couple of vacations to go to physical places like a beach, a desert, a mountain. I read that some folks are going to take a three-minute trip into black and cold outer space. Sounds like fun too."

Brother Adam sits inside pew number three with a smile and a nod. "Yeehaw."

I smile with a nod. "The Holy Bible recorded that Brother Moses, Brother Elijah, Brother Daniel, Brother Paul, and Brother Jesus all engaged in fasting, since that act gets a man or woman closer to God. Yeehaw. The Book of Exodus 34:28 says 'Moses for forty days and forty nights did not eat bread or drink water working with God on the Ten Commandments.'"

Brother Adam sits inside pew number eight with a smile and a nod. "Amen."

I smile with a nod. "Wow. It took God forty days to write ten little tiny sentences. Sorry. It was more than ten sentences, writing the Ten Commandments took over a standard calendar month and ten days and nights. He created the earth and the heavens in seven days. I guess God working with His children holds up His progress. You really know and understand that God has truly eternal patience and tolerance with us silly humans. It was really nice of God to spend His work time of forty days and nights being a really busy supernatural Entity helping Moses understand the Ten Commandments. Moses was a good servant of Almighty God. Hmm. Do ya see that kind of dedication any more here in the USA by one single employee for a job without pay? Money? The love of money is the root of all evil way."

Brother Adam sits inside pew number three with a smile and a nod. "Amen."

I smile with a nod. "I digress. The Book of Daniel 9:3 says 'Daniel prays and fasts for three weeks, worshiping God. He asks God to bless him with forgiveness, thankfulness, and wisdom.' Man. What if all of God's people just suddenly all stopped doing their individual task at work, school, study, or shop? And then we all prayed and fasted for one day out of 365 days. One day, some wisdom or a couple of sentences of wisdom or just a little mice foot pad of wisdom. I bet we could solve lots of all the world's problems in a solar year."

Brother Adam sits inside pew number three with a sour frown. "The Muslims pray all the time on their knees during breaks of the day and night. They don't seem to carry or provide any wisdom to that nation or their people or to others."

I nod. "Ah. A good very point, Brother Adam. Do they pray fast? Or fast and pray? Or pray then eat? Or eat then pray then fast? I am being silly. I am pointing out that Daniel did the fasting and praying on his own time and money. He used and abused his free will to come closer to God. Daniel felt the need to be closer to God during a rough period in his life. I believe that there is a big difference between a common daily ritual prayer of 'Thank God for my everything' versus a desire to honor God for creating everything. Ponder that nuance, folks?"

Sister Eve sits inside pew number eight with a smile and a nod. "Amen."

I smile with a nod. "The Book of Matthew 4:2 says, 'Brother Jesus fasted forty days and forty nights.' We all studied and learned that very important historical event which is listed in the Holy Bible. Brother Jesus was tempted by that evil villain Satan inside the forest wilderness. I believe that we all were little tikes at nine years old in fourth grade with common sense enough to comprehend a supernatural Entity watches over us. If it is good enough for Brother Jesus to fast without food and drink, then why isn't it good enough for us today? We are supposed to follow the rules quoted by Brother Jesus in the New Testament. We are the little lost lambs of mortal sin. Right? Do we not all read and follow Brother Jesus' wise advice on a daily basis? Why don't we fast?

"Once a year, once a month or once a week? I am rambling. Sorry. Fasting and prayer gets you closer to God. Daniel told you that. Brother Jesus told you too. Instead, God's people eat all the time, especially during holiday events and social activities. And God's people seemed to be encouraged and manipulated to eat before, during, and after regular meal times. When a fast food joint advertises for money, they can sell good tasting food at one freaking am in the morning. Who in the world eats a single food item at one freaking am in the morning? I'm sound asleep from eating my regular meal at around five pm."

Sister Eve sits inside pew number three with a sour frown. "You're judging folks, Sister Eve. Young teenagers have a very fast metabolism. They can consume food almost twenty four hours in a day and night. I should know I have a growing preteen with a growling stomach and an empty food pantry. You should be more selective of your targeted audience."

I nod with a smile. "Yes. You're right, Sister Eve. I am in error. The growing of children need food and drink all hours of the day. However, children are not baptized Christians per say. They are God's little angels under His protection until that one moment of an adult decision making. I want to clarify that I mean God's people as a group of adult grownup folks, who are not growing in inched height anymore. Is that a sin or law?"

Brother Adam sits inside pew six with a smile and a nod, "Sin of gluttony."

"Looking good was easy back. Folks were really skinny from a terminable disease. And they didn't have to worry about zits and pimples and such," says young Sister Eve inside pew number four with a smile and a nod.

I smile with a nod. "Thank you for that accurate Bible note, young Sister Eve."

"You're welcome," giggles young Sister Eve.

I smile with a nod. "The Book of Mark 2:18-20 says 'Brother Jesus encourages his disciples to fast in order to regain and to renew their zeal to serve Him.' Well I be a monkey's aunt, since I be a girl, not a guy. That is interestingly not new. Brother Jesus approves of fasting within our biological shell. Now He didn't say it or demand it or order it but approves it."

Brother Adam sits inside pew number four with a smile and a nod. "Amen."

I smile with a nod. "The word fast in the Holy Bible comes from the Hebrew word sum meaning 'to cover' literally like your mouth and your lip. And it comes from the Greek word nesteuo, meaning 'to abstain.' For spiritual purposes, God's people engage not to eat or drink. In the Book of Esther 4:16, 'Esther told the Jewish people not to drink and eat for three days or nights while she and they prayed to God to help God's people. Wow. She was a devoted God's person."

Sister Eve sits inside pew number nine with a smile and a nod. "Amen."

I smile with a nod. "I did it. I have fasted. It was weird and different. Then afterwards, I felt a little weak but strong minded, making me selfless, since I learned really quickly without eating and drinking for three days and nights that I hungered and needed some food, tasty or not. And the food needed for my biological body was provided to me by God. Now, that's a real answer to a prayer."

Sister Eve sits inside pew number five with a smile and a nod. "Amen."

I smile with a nod. "Let me remind. The early Christians were not required to fast. There's no command in the Holy Bible from God but voluntarily practiced by the prominent leaders of faith along with God's people. God's people believe the key of fasting is a spiritual discipline connected with prayer, study, and meditation. Hmm. I find the theory of a fast both interesting and intimidating. It is a given in connecting with both Brother Jesus and God but not a requirement. In the Book of Isaiah 58:5, 'the true meaning of a fast is God's acceptable day to pray and dedicate to Him only.'"

Sister Eve sits inside pew number four with a smile and a nod. "Amen."

I stand from the throne chair and stroll to the pew with a pretty queen-sized teenage. She looks up with a smile to see the new female preacher. I look down with a smile. "Fast or fasting is a solo event to get you closer to God. But fasting for a long period of time is called starvation or starving the biological body of nutrition and nutrients. The nutrients are needed for growing bones tall, growing hair long, and growing into a healthy adult, teen Annie? Why do you starve your biological body, dear? This is only a biological shell covering your soul. Your soul is a shining light, bright like the sun, bold like an eagle."

Annie looks down with a sad face to see the polished floor. "I wanna look beautiful like them pretty tall and skinny models."

I smile. "But baby angel, you are a beautifully female both inside and outside."

"I guess..." Annie meekly says with a pair of moist eyeballs to the floor.

I frown. "You want to look like me? Let me tell you, sugar. God broke that cast iron corn pone mold right after creating me. Why? Because He likes to experiment. Why? Because He likes variety. Why? Because He places, puts, and pretties a tea tiny part of Him into each one of us. God's people, not Eve's people, or Betty's people, or Henry's people."

Brother Adam sits inside pew number six with a smile and a nod. "Amen."

I lift and jab a finger at the other young teen with a stern face. "Do ya want to be like her? Nay, I say. This is how it works. When you die from here planet Earth and ascend into there heaven, you present in the same shape on planet Earth. Inside heaven, she is a thin stick color of blue, purple, and green, but you, Annie are a big blob of neon pink, orange, and yellow. Yeah. Because she will be singing in the heavenly cherub choir, they possess a short body and a set of short pretty pink wings." I turn and smile at the other teen female. "Do you practice your do, ra, me music notes, Jackie?"
Jackie turns and frowns at the new female preacher, "No."

I smirk to Jackie. "Please do, honey. Because, you will be a singing little pixie. We learned that Brother Elijah will come back down to Earth right before Brother Jesus in the Book of Malachi. And then Brother Jesus will come with a sword in one hand and a shield in another in the Book of Matthew. Then archangels Michael, Gabriel, Raphael, Uriel, and the others will come behind Brother Jesus with a flaming red and yellow fiery sword. Then behind the archangels will be many, many nameless warrior angels.

"Warrior angels are tall, big, bold, beautiful, strong, strength in both mind and muscle for the freaking 'war of the ages' between goody-good innocent and baddie-bad evil. Annie, guess who will be in that epic fight for the might and the Almighty?" I jab a finger at Jackie, shaking my curl and swing my finger at the queen-sized teen. "Annie. Yes. Sister Annie, don't you want to spit your hot mouth acid into an evil-doer's eyeball when he curses and cusses at Brother Jesus?"

2:06 p.m.

Annie looks up with a set of tears and a smile. "Yes."

I smile with a nod. "God needs lots of warrior angels, who are big, bold, beautiful, strong, strength in muscles. Do you wanna be a warrior angel, child?" Annie nods as I smile. "Tell me how are feeling about your queen-sized body now?"

Annie meekly says, "A warrior for God."

I nod with a smile, "A warrior angel fighting in God's Holy Army for both truth and justice with your very own flaming sword."

"I feel proud," Annie smiles.

I frown. "Pride is the first of the seven deadly sins."

Annie smiles with a giggle. "I feel honored."

"There ya go, honey." I smile with a nod.

"I feel humbled to carry on Almighty God's work of justice." Annie grins.

"Good girl." I smile with a nod, bowing my chin, standing at the pew. "Let us pray. I pray that every one of God's persons accepts their heavenly created bio-shell, whether you are petite, tall, plump, skinny, muscle, lean, ugly, or pretty. Amen." I look up and move back to the throne chairs with a smile and a nod. "God does not see any of our silly humanly creative adjectives. He created you absolutely perfect in His divine image. As a Christian, you accept a life like Brother Jesus with Brother Jesus' purpose here and not winning a beauty contest or eating the most pancakes at the State Fair. We are all here to do God's preaching and teaching and learning to be a better angel for that fight of might and mighty against Satan unless you are interested in fighting against God beside Satan," giggling.

Brother Adam sits inside pew number three with a smile and a nod. "Amen."

I stop at the throne chairs and swing around with a smile and a nod to see each face. "If every one of God's persons obeyed the commandment or the translation: love the way I made you, pal. Then there would be no need for fashion models, fashion magazines, fashion designers, fashion editors, fashion critics, fashion actors or actresses. Whoa. I just put a lot of people out a good paying job. What would a fashion critic cry about? We should walk around in a pair of comfortable blue jeans, and a cotton shirt. Both items are very durable, easy to clean, look good, smell good when washed. I don't like wearing a hot itchy wool suit for work. I like wearing my jeans and boots best. I have to study world history, but I bet that kings and queens started out making people wear an itchy wool suit for their jobs of collecting gold coinage or whacking off the peasant's neck.

"We all know that Brother Jesus did not wear a dark blue pin stripped light wool dress suit to preach His Words or do His magical acts. He wore a set of dirty robes, because He walked in open-toes sandals everywhere. And He walked with His twelve disciplines and other nice but dusty folks. Brother Jesus walked. He didn't join a fitness club, jogging on metal equipment for exercise. Brother Jesus ate His food from the local farm harvested crops while passing by during a journey from village to village. This is called 'gleaming the leftovers.' The remnant food was left on the plant stalk or the dirt ground that the working family unit didn't want or didn't use or didn't touch. Brother Jesus ate that.

"Would you go and gleam a field of fresh tomatoes or strawberries for food like Brother Jesus did? Brother Jesus only ate, when He felt hungry. In the Book of Proverbs 16:26, 'hunger makes us work harder for food.' And in the Book of Proverbs 23:1-3, 'do not sit and eat with a ruler, who indulges in food for fun or overeating.' Then in the next verse Proverbs 23:4, 'labor not to be rich.'

"How intriguing the two words fine nicely together, food and rich, in our modern society. The fashion industry makes people spend money to be beauty while the food industry makes people spend money to be beauty too. Today, Christians kinda contradict the Holy Bible. When you only eat when you are hunger, you are performing the second more important law of the Holy Bible, love thyself as your neighbor. When you have been helping your neighbors working your two hands and ten toe bones wiggling inside a good pair of cowgirl boots, you and they get hunger for some good food. Then you all have a great big picnic like Brother Jesus did that fantastic day, when He fed 5,000 people with only pieces of fish and bread. At our house picnic, you share the food with our neighbors, our neighbors of neighbors, our strangers, and a few stay dogs. Wow. That's a sweet nice pic. I bet Brother Jesus would smile so bright that his cheekbones might crack open and bleed."

"Sister Eve, that's not nice to say about Jesus." Sister Eve sits inside pew number eight with a sneer.

I smile. "However, it is so true for doing a good deed for a stranger or two. Sometimes, I believe that Christians don't really read between the lines of the Holy Scriptures. There is so much more to see and hear and learn than just the words, all the non-words. I believe this world has progressed too much. Sometimes, progress progresses ya right out of beautiful nature into an artificial world of golden images of idolatry. I want a new cell phone, a new laptop computer, a new car, a new house, a new pair of sneakers. Geez. How many 'I wants' do ya really greedily desire in a day, a week, a month, a year, your entire life?" I turn and smile at the elderly lady. "Beauty fades. Look at Mrs. Oldson."

Sister Eve sits inside pew number four with a sour frown. "Sister Eve, there is no need for a nasty fling to one of our most senior elders. You should apologize to Mrs. Oldson, who has been a member of our church and our community for over ninety years."

"Ya sound like your describing a dead and stuffed jackass mule, Mary Jo." Mrs Oldson snarls her lipstick to the left at her farm neighbor. "I ain't dead yet. And I've been here long before your mama slapped the first tit between your lips, child."

I smile with a nod. "Ya sic 'em, Mrs. Oldson." Mrs. Oldson slowly stands as the nearest Brother Adam stands and moves to assist her walk. I place a metal chair in front of the pews of church people.

Mrs. Oldson slowly moves and turns, sitting inside the chair and holds the handle of her walking cane, coughing with a smile to the pews of church people. "Sister Eve is absolutely correct. 'Charm is deceptive and beauty is fleeting, but a woman who fears God is praise' from the Book of Proverbs 31:30." She inhales. "I say that beauty fades but knowledge blooms. I'm living proof in my flesh and bones." She coughs and points to the young teen in the second pew. "I was like you, darling. Young, tan, pretty, not smart. I spent thousands upon thousands of money on makeup cosmetic, face creams, perfume, hair coloring products to stay young and not look young. And guess what? God got the last laugh on me and all of you." She touches her blouse with a nod. "Sister Eve calls this body a bio-shell. The outer shell wrinkles, faints, itches, scars, bleeds, cracks, and freckles. I can go on and on and on until the moon arises tonight. This is called aging. No one human escapes aging. As a matter of fact, no human, mammal, insect, or fowl or fish or snake escapes aging either. The planet ages by burning off the dead forests, shaking the dry soil, and flooding the stale water. Not a thing escapes aging. I am ninety five years old last week." the room sounds with a series of claps from the church people.

Mrs. Oldson smiles with a nod. "Thank ya. I've lived a long tough but firm life. I must say I'm not afraid to die and seeing Jesus. I'm afraid of meeting Jesus. I certainly believe the preaching of Sister Eve. I will come a face to face meeting the three: God, Jesus, and the Holy Spirit in one room. I believe God will inquire about my passed ninety five years on Earth. I couldn't really be held accountable for the first sixteen years or less, since I was protected by my parents. Good people, my parents. See them in heaven too.

"I was baptized at seventeen years, meaning that I accepted the duties as a sister of Christ to become a Christian. I sometimes didn't act like a Christian thou. Now I get to explain that all to God, when I sit before Him after my death of a bio-shell from Earth. And I lament in my new soul in heaven."

"Mrs. Oldson, if you pray for forgiveness of your sins, Jesus forgives." Sister Eve sits inside pew number three with a smile and a nod.

I frown. "Does He truly forget? In the First Book of Peter 4:15, 'Jesus says do not suffer as a murderer, a thief, an evildoer, or a busybody of this world.' If I am so forgiven for being a busybody by my prayer to God, then why bother bringing that topic up, especially inside the Holy Bible. It makes me think and believe that God keeps a 'heavenly diary' on me and on each one of us from birth to death of our bio-shell along with our mental thoughts and physical actions."

Sister Eve sits inside pew seven with a sour frown and a nod. "You have no proof of that, Sister Eve. God forgives all your sins by prayer. Amen."

I smile with a nod. "Once I read. Please don't ask me the source. Our angels protect and encourage us to be good. They can't interfere unless we ask. How many television interviews or novel books have been written about folks, who had survived a terrible car crash without a blooding scratch for a bandage? Their guardian angel protected the human for a variety of celestial unexplained reasons. I believe that we live a fixed time line or a solo purpose. 'There is a season for everything, a time to be born and a time to die and a time to plant and a time to pluck,' coming from the Book Ecclesiastes 3:1. I'm proof of that."

Mrs. Oldson says. "I've lived ninety five years. I was a little clueless about my single solo purpose from Jesus. I believe that I'm performing it now, right here. I am a conduit of vast knowledge as a sinful human, not a blessed angel. And I am here to preach, to sermon, to lecture practically on my death bed. I sin every day, probably every hour, if I would ever admit that truth."

Sister Eve sits inside pew number four with a sour frown. "Mrs. Oldson, I don't understand. How can you sin every hour? If you truly sin each and every hour, you will go directly to hell by passing heaven and Jesus."

"Thanks for that future prediction of everlasting hell and brimstone, Sister Busybody." I sneer.

Mrs. Oldson frowns. "When I apply cosmetic makeup to my face, the makeup was tested on a group of poor starving innocent cats which were hidden away in a secret laboratory for both pure torment and pure money."

"Vanity of person," I smile with a nod.

"God gave us domain over the animals on Earth," Sister Eve sits inside pew number three with a smile and a nod.

I smile with a nod, "In the Book of Genesis 1:26-28, 'God gives man dominion over everything on Earth, because man is created in God's image and credited as the caretakers of Earth and animals.' It looks to me like man is doing a pretty shitty job down here."

Brother Adam sits inside pew number three with a smile and a nod. "Amen."

I smile with a nod. "In the Book of Luke 12:7, 'even the very hairs of your head are all numbered says God.' And greed is a desire for material wealth, ignoring the realm of spiritual."

Mrs. Oldson says. "When I eat five out of eleven chocolate covered donuts at my office work break station, they are laying there with nothing to do but be pretty."

"Gluttony is the desire to consume more than one requires." I smile with a nod.

Mrs. Oldson frowns. "When I surround my office desk with pictures and trophies of my human accomplishments of family photos or paper awards, I do show a single memento identifying Jesus as my mentor."

I smile with a nod. "Pride is excessive belief of one's own abilities without the recognition of the Grace of God."

Mrs. Oldson grins. "When I flip on that porn channel on the TV...," laughing. She doesn't have that channel on her personal television devise, but some church members do and she knows who.

I smile with a nod. "Lust is the craving for the pleasures of the body."

"I got mad that she got that job which I deserved, then I started working overtime, completing my work, making her look really bad. I finished my assignments, making me look great. So she looked really stupid." Mrs. Oldson laughs with a cough.

I smile with a nod. "Envy is the desire for others' traits, status, abilities, or situation. You have definitely confessed all your evil sins to both God and us. Thank you, Mrs. Oldson." Brother Adam stands and assists Mrs. Oldson back to her pew. I turn and smile to the pews of church people. "Mrs. Oldson is correct. Beauty fades. The Bible tells me so. Ya know that I know, that you know, that I'm going to ask that one question. Why do girls spend our time, our money, our precious resources, and our selfie trying to change our biological body that God perfectly created and then holy blessed?"

"Vanity..." says Elder Sister Eve inside pew number four with a smile and a nod.

"Money..." says Elder Brother Adam inside pew number nine with a smile and a nod.

"Mama..." says teen Sister Eve inside pew number three with a smile and a nod.

I smile with a nod. "There are lots and lots of good and bad reasons. The love of money is behind some pretty greedy reasons. Both the Holy Bible and Brother Jesus warn us about the love of money and the labor of money for riches. Don't do it. The prettiness of vanity is a natural social and cultural behavior among the female species of God's critters. So let us blame Eve, girls. She is the first vane female of the world who desired that apple, because it was prettily hanging there for a quick picking on the forbidden tree. She did share one bite with Adam. Then he got really pissed and wanted another juicy bite. Then it happened. Both of them get their naked asses kicked out of paradise by their heavenly Daddy. Let me tell you?

"Why can't we be like mammals cats for example? They are all beautiful and furry in different sizes, shapes, and colors. Cats don't meow about the color of their fur only when they are hunger or want attention. What would happen if all females quit using makeup or buying makeup or going to the hair salon or going to the day spa or going to the plastic surgeon for body work. I have bankrupted three different money profitable industries just by quoting some rules from God. Or shall I say that God has bankrupted three different money profitable industries for money," laughing.

"Envision this? After you die, sitting on a bench, waiting to see God, are you going to hunt down some red fruit berries for lipstick or blue fruit berries for eye shadow or maybe some vine honeysuckles for perfume before your absoultootly appointed time with the big three God, Brother Jesus, and the Holy Spirit? She's a girl. Take it from me."

"Sister Eve, you're acting silly again." Sister Eve sits inside pew number one with a frown.

I smile with a nod. "How many trees and animals would we save, if we didn't use makeup or the paper products wrapped around the makeup packaging. Let's resurface Mrs. Oldson question to you sitting your ass in the fluffy chair of God's office in heaven.

"'Miss Jones, did you know that the eye shadow you wore on my planet Earth was tested on my animals, mice? The mice were tormented, suffered, and then died from an allergic reaction of the cosmetic before the scientist re-formulated the eye shadow constitution for you, Miss Jones. No or yes?'" I laugh.

Sister Eve sits inside pew number eight with a sour frown. "Based on your storytelling, I'm assuming that you do not wear makeup or cosmetics or facial lotions of any animal or plant kind."

I lift and gently touch my face with a smile. "I do not purchase makeup or cosmetics or facial lotions from a retail department. I do not wear any makeup products, since I am blessed with nice skin tone of coffee coloring. I do wear olive oil over my skin. The olive oil is natural from plants to keep my coffee skin smooth and soft."

Sister Eve sits inside pew number three with a sour frown. "You're lucky to be a beautiful girl."

I smile with a nod. "I was touched by the hand of God. And you were touched by the hand of God too."

Brother Adam sits inside pew number nine with a smile and a nod. "Amen."

I smile with a nod. "In the First Book of Peter 3:3, 'do not adorn your outer selfie with braiding your hair, wearing of gold, or putting on clothes but like a slick ornament hide it within your heart of meekness and silence.' Amen. Let us end our discussion threat with a quick prayer." I bow my chin and close my eyelashes. "I pray that all of God's persons accept their outside natural beauty, because God perfectly created and holy blessed our bio-shells. Amen."

"Amen." Brother Adam sits inside pew number four with a smile and a nod.

I look up with a smile and a nod to the pews of church people. "Let us talk about authority of the Head of State which is applied to the working class citizens. As a citizen, 'submit yourself to every ordinance of man, whether it is a king or a governor which is willed by God,' coming from the Book of First Peter 2:13. You are to obey the written and cited rules of the land to work and make a currency to pay for food and shelter. Thus, you avoid the Christian concept of sloth.

"'Do not use your free liberty, your freedom, and your mind as a cloak of maliciousness bad evil doer, but as a servant of God. Honor all men and women. Love thy brothers and sisters. Fear God. Honor the king of your city or governor of your government.' God tells each one of us to obey Him and obey the worldly authority too. Now for a worldly authority figure, ruling and living on planet Earth, in the Book of Psalm 2:10-12, 'be wise, kings and governors. Be instructed judges of the earth and not heaven. Serve God with fear and rejoice with trembling. Kiss the Son, that is Brother Jesus. Or Brother Jesus will get tiny tea leaf mad and then pissed off.' Wow. God seems to really be giving it to a ruling king or a democratic president, who has been inherited or elected to rule a nation. I'm impressed. God recognizes authority but honors the peasant, who has to live and survive in the authoritative lands. The Book of Psalm 2:12, 'blessed are all the citizens that put their trust in their wise kings and governors and judges.'"

Sister Eve sits inside pew number four with a smile and a nod. "Amen."

I smile with a nod. "In the Book of Psalms 1:1, 'blessed is the man that walks not in the counsel of the ungodly nor stands in the way of sinners, nor sits in the sea of the scornful.' Do our elected by popular democratic government officials need to be reminded about this particular command from God? I don't want to be a king or a governor or a politician. There are too many rules from God. I want to be a simple poor meek peasant, helping my neighbor. Isn't that the good life?"

Sister Eve sits inside pew number nine with a smile and a nod. "Amen."

I smile with a nod. "I hear God's people bitch all the time. Why does God let children die? Why does God sent tornados to destroy structures? Why does God let drought damage the food crops? Well guess what folks? I got the answer in the Book of Leviticus 26:3. 'If you walk and keep God's Ten Commandments.' Remember that long list of stuff and do them? That is a key word in that statement. Do them. That doesn't mean do half of them or do one fourth of them or one or two of them, but do all hundred percent of them. Then God will rain down on your pony parade with healthy crop fields that increase and produce fruit. That's food here.

"How easy is that to fix? We get all mankind to follow the Ten Commandments that Moses and God labored over for forty days and nights without food and sleep. Is there anyone here today that would sacrifice their forty days and food for a great gift? And that gift ensures that the entire planet gets good stuff like rain, crops, and food. Sweet and short, ya'll. I believe that God is making the entire human race responsible for being good Christians."

Sister Eve voices sits inside pew number three with a sour frown. "No."

Brother Adam sits inside pew number seven with a smile and a nod, "Yep."

I smile with a nod. "Okay. God makes an entire biological family unit obligated to be a good Christian family. That's achievable with the Ten Commandants."

Sister Eve sits inside pew number four with a smile and a nod. "Amen."

I smile with a nod. "Okay. Every household in the USA which about over 150,000,000 families has to stop their evil ways, and read the Bible, and fast one day in the entire year, and obey the Ten Commandments. Is that cool? Do you think folks will do that for God?"

"Naw," Brother Adam sits inside pew number and shakes his skull.

I laugh. "Thank you for vocalizing my mental thought, Brother Adam. In the Book of Leviticus 26:3, 'you will eat our bread, filling our tummies full and dwell in the land safely.' Wow. Did you hear that word safely? God was concerned about His people safety during Moses' time period. If you do all the things and follow the Ten Commandments, then God will give peace in the land, allowing you to lay a head upon your pillow and not be afraid. 'God with His sword will fight and rid evil out of the land and chase your enemies, where they fall on their sword. He will have respect for you, making you and your family fruitful and multiple with God's promise.' There is that magic word promise."

Sister Eve sits inside pew six with a smile and a nod. "We do that."

I smile with a nod. "Okay. You and me do. What about the other 399,999,813 Americans in the USA, who might or might not be in church or sleeping in their beds or eating their breakfast? Do they do them? When God uttered these words, Moses and all the Jews were told to obey Him. Then God would protect them with the covenant, that important promise. Remember, that word was talked about earlier with Elijah's fleeing ass." I giggle.

Brother Adam sits inside pew six with a smile and a nod. "Amen."

Sister Eve sits inside pew number three with a sour frown. "Your language is not very nice for a church person, Sister Eve."

I frown. "Sorry. Look what happened to the Jews, when they didn't do them? I mean follow the Ten Commandments. The Hebrews wandered for days and nights for forty dang years. Man. That is torture. When God tells you to do something, do it, dudes and dudettes. How easy is that? The covenant is like a bonded promise between God and you. The promise gives us a good life, only if they promise to obey God's rules. Don't steal. Don't fib. Don't kill. Don't cheat. Don't commit adultery. These are the hard and fast ones. What about the hidden and tougher ones? The harder ones are located in the Book of Leviticus 25:35. 'If your brother be poor, you take care of him.' Do you do that? In the Book of Leviticus 19:10, 'do not gather every grape from the vine, but leave the good grapes for the poor and strangers.' Hmm. Do you do that one too?"

Sister Eve sits inside pew number nine with a sour frown. "You are nitpicking sentences from the Bible. There are hundreds of rules from the Old Testament. We're supposed to be following the New Testament of Jesus' words and acts."

I nod with a smile. "The Ten Commandments come from the Old Testament. I follow them. Do others follow them? I see some positive head nods. All of God's people follow the Ten Commandments faithfully. What happens to the others that don't?"

Brother Adam sits inside pew number four with a smile and a nod. "God whips their fannies."

I smile with a nod. "Close. I paraphrase. 'Breach for breach. Eye for eye. Tooth for tooth for a man or woman or teen that has caused one single blemish, so shall it be done to him or her or teen too. If he kills a beast, he shall restore it. If he kills a man, he shall be put to death now, not two years, not six months, and not four days from now. Fucking now, today.' The Holy Bible reads that you have one manner of legal law for every good or bad boy and girl, so God's people can learn from the gun. Right, ya'll?"

Brother Adams sits inside pew number seven with a smile and a nod. "Amen."

Sister Eve sits inside pew number three with a sour frown. "It is not that easy, Sister Eve."

I nod with a smile. "I completely whole-hearted understand, Sister Eve. I am only quoting the words that God uses. And I quote some more in the Book of Leviticus, Chapter 26:12, 'God walks among you.' Please lecture me again on not following the ancient parts of the Old Testament. Do you not believe that God or His designated deity representative is right there on your left, sitting by your designer purse or listening to you yak on your fancy mobile phone or eating with you at the nice restaurant that only takes reservations three weeks in advance? While God or His designated deity representative is observing your human behavior on Earth, knowing that you feed your bellies full of good tasting food, but other God's children do not eat for various reasons. Any takers?"

Brother Adam sits inside pew number four with a smile and a nod. "Amen."

I smile with a nod. "God or His deity representative plus your guardian angel is with your when you drive passed that starving skinny dog, who stands on the highway or the homeless man, who rests underneath the bridge or the male, who walks down the road from a broken down rusty vehicle. Any doubters? Thought so? In the Book of Leviticus 26:15, 'if you break the promise, then God have mercy on your freaking soul, buddy.' Because here comes the Judge, darling. Mercy on you, asshole," laughing. "'And God will appoint terror, consumption, and burning ague.' That country folks ain't no ghosts. God will bring terror in wars. Consumption is terminal disease. Ague is a constant sickness to you. Hmm. Could this be why God's people die in wars or from terminal diseases or sickness? 'God will punish you seven times.' I need to repeat that big number. 'God will punish you seven times more than your single sin.' Golly. We ain't finished here, folks. 'If you walk contrary to me or if you will not reform, then God will walk contrary to you.' Does that sound like a freaking death threat to your person or your soul? Obey Me or else?" I laugh.

3:07 p.m.

Sister Eve sits inside pew six with a sour frown. "You pick out the Bible verses that suit your childish whining, Sister Eve."

I nod with a smile. "Yeah. I thoroughly enjoy during just that, Sister Eve. In the Book of Leviticus 26:2, 'you shall keep Sunday free of work for worship of God.' In the Second Book of Samuel 22:21, 'God rewards me according to my righteousness.' What is righteousness?"

Brother Adam sits inside pew number three with a smile and a nod. "Doing right, doing good."

"Okay. What is not righteousness?"

"Doing wrong..." Brother Adam sits inside pew number five with a nod.

"When I open the left side of the car door after whipping my SUV around the street curve, parking it in front of my house, the grocery bags fall over the gray pavement. I performed a wrong-o move there, buddy."

Brother Adam sits inside pew number five with a smile, "Doing evil."

"Thank ya kindly, Brother Adam. Yes. It is doing evil. I like reading in the Book of Psalms, since they are songs to God from King David. In the Book of Psalms 109:6, the words talk about rewarding the evil. 'Set a wicked man over him and let Satan stand on his right hand.' That is a very visual display. The sinner is in the middle with a wicked man on the left and Satan on the right. Golly. Satan has a part, takes part, and is present in your wickedness part."

Sister Eve sits inside pew number one with a smile and a nod. "Amen."

I smile. "Have you ever pondered your pow-wow meeting with God? You live here then you go to heaven. I died dead like a door knob. Then what happens next?" I pause. "I land in front of two pearly gates in shimmery silver white. I am God's person. He is my Father in heaven. Old Saint Pete will open one of the big gates as it sways silently wide. Then I enter by myself into a white swirling room of clouds with a baby blue skyline, no trees or grass. That is here on Earth, not in heaven. I pad on my bare feet. No need for shoes which are made from dead strangled tortured animal skins in heaven, since all beasts live in harmony up there. The lamb and wolf lay together right there along with the faithful souls of dead humans too.

"I slowly pad across the white clouds by the pretty flower gardens, the group of harp players, and the big baby nursery, where the souls come from. Then I stroll to a big set of double doors that display the words: God's Office. He has a private office to meet with me and Him privately to chat about my human being life on planet Earth. The planet He owns.

"I stroll across the fluffy floor to a round table like a desk. Since I am a little more educated with the Earth social graces like we eat at a table. We learn to do our elementary homework at the table. We work at the computer on a table. A table has lots of uses on Earth, maybe in heaven too. So let us go with that assumption here. There is a round table with a single straight back chair both made of white wood. Since heaven is pure white. And no one else is present inside the single cloudy white room. I sit my bee-hind in the chair, since I do not have wings yet. The Judgment Day thing...

"I nervously sit inside the chair, bouncing my naked toe bones up and down with my meeting with the Man. Then out of the baby blue skyline right in front of my human eyeballs, there is a bright white lightning bolt of light. Then there is presented before me four other chairs with bodies. There is my bro, Jesus.

"There is God both of our Fathers. There is the Holy Spirit. She doesn't get much Bible time, but She is a really important in that Trinity thing too. Trinity is a three-some of something: The Father, The Son, and The Holy Ghost. I don't like using that word 'Holy Ghost.' It gives me the creepettes.

"I call her, The Holy Spirit. We four are just sitting around the wood, eyeballing each other. I had mentioned four occupied chairs. The fourth chair is occupied by Satan. Satan is in heaven, since he gets claim and fame to all the wicked evil doers dying and coming from planet Earth. Hint here. The evil doers are nicknamed after him. Yeah. It is like a Hollywood film but much better, since you are the superstar of goodness or wickedness." I swing with a smile to the throne chair, reading out loud from The Bible. "In the Book of Psalms, this song is very disturbing..."

Sister Eve sits inside pew number three with a confused brow. "Sister Eve, you did not finish your adventure about your visit with God."

I turn and sit in the throne chair, facing the pews of church people with a smile and a nod. "O. I know how it ends. I don't have to finish it."

Sister Eve sits inside pew number eight with a frown. "But we want to know how it ends too."

I smirk. "O. You wanna know how my pow-wow ends with God. Well that is my secret. So I suggest that you take my descriptive elements, re-arrange them, substitute yourself, and then go with it."

Sister Eve sits inside pew six with a frown. "Go with what?"

I smile with a nod, lifting and wiggling the Bible. "I think each one of you should practice your pow-wow with God. Hint, hint, little turkey dove. Use your personal instruction manual not required but pretty darn useful."

Sister Eve sits inside pew number three with a frown. "Sister Eve, stop your silly games. Are you going to lecture more on scriptures from the Bible? Or are you finished with the morning preaching?"

I nod with a smile. "I have more to say. In the Book of Psalms 109:7, this song is very disturbing. 'The musician is asking God to condemn the sinner to die by letting his days be few. His children become fatherless. His wife becomes a widower, and they have to beg for food as well. And people take away their home and furnishings.' Then if all that is not bad enough? 'The sinner's name will be blotted out for eternity and no mercy for his children.' Whoa man. That is heavy just for being a sinner. What do you think?"

Sister Eve sits inside pew number four with a smile and a nod. "A sinner deserves that kind of punishment."

I nod with a smile. "Well okay. In the Book of Psalms 109:20, 'if I am victim of a sinner, who is both poor and needy on his knees, weak through fasting, and flesh failed of fatness. And they (the sinners) shake their heads looking at me then God will judge me innocent but not the sinner.' Do you know any person like that? A happier note is in Psalms 112:1, 'blessed is the man that fears God and delights in the Ten Commandments.' The Ten Commandments repeats itself in lots of places inside the Holy Scriptures. I do declare, reading it in the Old Testaments, and the New Testaments, and the Songs of Psalms. Geez. I think God wants to read, learn, and remember them. In the Book of Psalms 112:2, 'a blessed man's seeds, which are children, .should be blessed with wealth and riches in his house and his righteousness endures foreverly. I modified the last word forever to foreverly. Since it sounds cute foreverly, love forever and forever while living on a new earth with a new heaven foreverly. I had an elder woman ask me once. Why are some people are rich and some people poor?"

Sister Eve sits inside pew number seven frowns. "She doesn't read the Bible."

Sister Eve sits inside pew number four with a smile and a nod. "She doesn't know how God works."

I smile. "What is soul?" Then I dance side to side inside the chair with a hum. "Sorry. The soul of your real soul. What is a soul?"

Brother Adam sits inside pew number one with a smile and a nod. "You as an angel."

Sister Eve sits inside pew number three with a smile and a nod. "Amen."

I giggle. "You as a demon."

Brother Adam sits inside pew number six with a sour frown. "Naw."

I smile with a nod. "You as an asshole."

Sister Eve sits inside pew number seven with a frown. "What?"

I smile with a nod. "When a human loses a limb like an arm or leg, the soul is not harmed or hurt. Is it? That is a very good example of your soul. Your soul does not function or need a bio-shell, a biological, or a chemical body which was been built by God. The soul is inside the bio-shell which brings me back to the body image thing. Why do people feel that they have to attack the forty dollars per month gym or wear makeup or prance around in two hundred dollar designer shoes? Let me tell you. These material possessions are going into the 11,298 dollar titanium casket with your bio-shell and not into heaven."

Brother Adam sits inside pew number one with a smile and a nod. "Amen."

I smile with a nod. "Hmm. I wonder. Does Satan allow for earthly material possessions in hell?"

Sister Eve sits inside pew number nine with a smile and a nod. "Amen."

I nod with a smile. "Does it make you wanna switch sides?"

Sister Eve sits inside pew and shakes her curls, "Naw."

I ask. "How does one get an un-clean soul?"

Sister Eve sits inside pew number three with a smile and a nod. "Go to church, do the Ten Commandments, and read your Bible."

I nod with a smile. "Thank you, Sister Eve. We work. We suffer. We pray. And we commit to God. So what? Now what happens? It's a popular joke. Life's a bitch then ya die."

Brother Adam sits inside pew number one with a smile and a nod, "Like the Bible says."

"Life is even a vapor that appears for a little while then vanishes away...away...a...way down south...in Dixie...," laughing. "That was fun. Let us get serious now. 'Go now the laborers.' Wow. There's that word again. Labor is defined to work for money to buy shelter, food, and clothes. In the Book of Exodus 20:9, 'six days, you work and do all your work.' Plus in the Book of Exodus 34:12, 'six days, you work but rest on the seventh day Sunday.' To thank God, it is the freaking Friday to start our fun weekend. Naw. To thank God, we have suffered, afflicted, been patient, and behold His judgment, while we stand at the door. Translation: at the pearly gates of heaven. Amen."

Sister Eve sits inside pew number four with a smile and a nod. "Amen."

I smile with a nod. "My favorite line in the Holy Bible. Well I have lots of favorites. I like. 'Who sins against Me, I will blot out of My book.' This comes from the Book of Exodus 32:33."

Brother Adam sits inside pew number three with a smile and a nod. "Amen."

I nod with a smile. "Thank you, Brother Adam. These are some deep true honest words here. Sin. Me as in God. Who as in me, you, her, and him. Blot out. Book. Now we truly know that there is a nice and naughty Christmas list. God keeps it in under lock and key in heaven. He must loan it out to Santa Claus around Christmas time. Ya think? So what happens when you are 'blotted out' of God's personal book?"

Sister Eve sits inside pew number four with a smile and a nod. "Hell."

Brother Adam sits inside pew number six with a smile and a nod. "Burning depths of fire and brimstone."

I frown. "Ugh. I am hearing some great visual descriptions for a horror e-novel. What happens to the murderer?"

Sister Eve sits inside pew number four with a smile and a nod, "To hell as a sinner."

I smile with a nod. "The Book of James 5:13 states 'if you are afflicted, then you pray. If you are merry, then you sing songs. If you are sick, then you call the elders of the church. Then the elders pray over your ailing body, calling out to God to save your soul in case you die.' Since a prayer of faith will save you from sickness, darkness, and lawlessness. Confess your faults and pray, so you die as a righteous person.'"

Sister Eve sits inside pew number nine with a smile and a nod. "Amen."

I smile with a nod. "There is a time for everything like a destiny or time line of our earth-bound life, whether drugs or surgery or work. I read about this man who was a runner, who just up and died on a city street while jogging for his exercise. He was in the prime of his life and healthy to boot, then he just died and ascended to heaven. Is that fate or fault?"

Sister Eve sits inside pew number three with a smile and a nod. "Both. He punished his biological body and then he died and went to heaven, if a good person or to hell if a bad person."

I smile with a nod. "That's easy."

Brother Adam sits inside pew number eight with a smile and a nod. "That's how God works, Sister Eve."

I nod with a smile. "People are supposed to die. We don't live forever. We aren't the immortal angels. We are supposed to ascend to that heavenly plane even the Ancient Greeks and Egyptians believed and painted pictures of their soul inside the afterlife. We call the afterlife heaven. How is that possible for ancient folks to know about heaven before Brother Jesus?"

Brother Adam sits inside pew six with a smile and a nod, "Noah and the Flood; Moses and the Ten Commandments. Both Bible events came before Jesus. The people watched and learned."

I nod with a smile. "And the prophet Isaiah lived and preached to the Jewish people in 700 BC at the Kingdom of Judah. In the year 605 BC, the prophet Jeremiah preached to the oracles. Amos in the year 750 BC preached his sermons against national sins and warned of God's punishment for cruelty, taking slaves, breaking a treaty of alliance, mercilessness, enslaving the poor, incest, extortion from debtors, forcing people to act against their consciences, oppressing the weak and the poor, corruption in the courts, depriving people of their just wage. Whoa the galloping stagecoach! Amos was a very wise man. The Book of Amos 5:24 says 'let judgment run down as waters and righteousness as a mighty stream.

"And Malachi the prophet in the year 400 BC during a nasty period of earth history, when God's people committed adultery, perjury, unfair wages, and mistreatment of the disadvantaged worker, preaches that God would send his son Jesus to save the world. In the Book of Malachi 1:11 'from sunrise to sunset, the name will be great among the Gentiles.' I love it when real world history repeats itself for the modern day greedy and murderous barbarians."

Sister Eve sits inside pew number eight with a smile and a nod. "Amen."

I smile with a nod. "'When you make food plates for suppertime, you are supposed to invite your friends, your family, the rich people, the poor folks, the maimed person, the lame and the blind to sup with you.' This comes from the Book of Luke14:12."

Brother Adam sits inside pew number one with a smile and a nod. "Amen."

I grin. "Subject change. The First Book of Peter 4:5, 'do not suffer as a murderer or a thief or as an evildoer or as a busybody in the matters of other people. I find it fascinating the mental impact of those particular words used inside the Holy Bible. Ironic, the Holy Bible is also called 'the Good Book' but it lists folks as murderers. Whoa the stage coach. That's heavy, my man. One of the Ten Commandments is: do not steal. So a thief sits right beside that big bad murderer. Double whoa on both of them. An evildoer, what in tarnation is an evildoer? 'Do not suffer as a busybody in other folk's business.' I personally find that one a total surprise along with a scary thought. A simple busybody. What is a busybody?"

Sister Eve sits inside pew number five with a smile and a nod. "A meddlesome girl, who plows a nose into your personal affairs."

Brother Adam sits inside pew number nine with a sour frown. "An unkind of person, ya just want to punch in the mouth for being so dang annoying, interfering with your stuff and your life. They ain't got no life and way too much time on their hands."

Sister Eve sits inside pew number eight with a sour frown. "An individual, who meddles in the affairs of others. For example, Sister Sarah across the way snoops around my kitchen cabinets when I invite her over for a cup of coffee."

Teen Sister Eve sits inside pew number three and reads out loud from her mobile telephone to the church people. "Busybody was a British Thoroughbred racehorse and broodmare, who won two British races in 1884." She looks up with a smile and a nod.

I nod with a smile. "Thank you, teen Sister Eve for your accurate historical description using your valuable smartness and resourcefulness. So far from the gathered information, a busy body is a nosy neighbor or a peeking tomcat or a spying co-worker, who is categorized along with a murderer that kills God's people. Golly geez."

Sister Eve sits inside pew number nine with a smile and a nod. "Amen."

I nod with a smile. "I personally hate it when my mother-in-law asks me those few irritating private questions about my job or my marriage or my bank account or my sex life. I don't feel like discussing these delicate topics at the dinner table inside the breakfast nook or around the sofa during family time. I guess making me label her a busybody who interferes in my busy body life. Do you feel the same way? The real question, how does God see my mother-in-law, who aggravates the shit out of me during the Tuesday night supper at her house? A nosy busybody? Or a caring mom-in-law?"

Sister Eve sits inside pew number five with a smile and a nod. "Amen."

"I will provide more world history information of the word. The word 'busybody' is defined by the Greek philosopher Theophrastus. Theophrastus stated the services of a busybody have no kind-heartedness and very little aid. Busybodies lived in Greek times. Weird. I think of the line history always does repeat itself. Busybody was both invented and identified before Brother Jesus. A person with chief pleasure is knowing or noseying around in every body's business. In Great Britain, Lord Denning ruled in two separate legal cases in the years 1957 and 1996 that the court will not listen to a busybody, who interferes in things which do not concern with either property or people. Wow. Busybody seems to cause trouble to God and God's people."

Sister Eve sits inside pew number nine with a smile and a nod. "Amen."

"I believe that all television and radio personalities are busybodies."

Brother Adam sits inside pew number one with a smile and a nod, "Naw."

Sister Eve sits inside pew number eight with a nod. "They're paid for a job to report the current events of the hour. I like to watch television, keeping updated."

Sister Eve sits inside pew number four with a smile and a nod. "They provide us information that we need for our daily lives."

I shake my curls with a stern face. "I do not pay them for a job. I do not pay my money for the subscribed television stations. Why? I do not wanna hear all the bad stuff happening in the town, in my state, in my nation, and in the world. Why? Because, I can drive my car five miles down the road and witness it with my two eyeballs and my two eardrums. I can see starving animals on the roadside, car accidents in the roadway, murders in the bad parts of the town, and people fight with each other both verbally and physically in parking lots or inside retail shops. Parents yell at their kids. Kids make trouble when they are not supervised by a set of biological parents. I do not want to pay my hard working money for that to see on real live television."

Sister Eve sits inside pew number one with a frown. "You're really weird, Sister Eve. You don't have to acknowledge the real world, real life. Just go with the flow. Ignore it like I do. I am too busy with my family, my work, my friends, and my church."

I smirk. "I am a little too honest with my words and secure with my actions. And I am a unique girl with a unique outlook on life, my life. The life God grants me to use and abuse based on my free will. I believe that it time that all of God's people stop seeking and searching for offensive and defensive behavior from each other, since we are all of God's people. God's people need to respect other types of traditions, holidays, signs, protests, shirts, and caps. Sticks and stones will break a face but abusive words will only hurt God's eardrums, not mine. I modified the ancient axiom.

"Me, you, her, him, she, and he live, work, and play on planet Earth together for a reason, God's purpose. I want to give some wise advice here. If you as a Christian find something offensive or upsetting, just walk your boot toes in the opposite direction. Don't join the pious party dogs and doggies. Ignore that sign or shirt or baseball cap and go about your personal busybody business. You possess God-given gifts, such as, a brain, a heart, and a soul. So use it. Stop worrying about what others say, think, or do. Because only one supernatural VIP Entity really gives a damn, it is God. He and his son Jesus along with the other heavenly bodies will judge you and your actions while visiting here on Planet Earth, since He keeps a great big white book by His nightstand. Don't worry. Be content. Of course, if you are being threatened from a nasty life form of eminent physically harm to your biological body, then call 911 which the police. They own guns and gun permits. Leave it be. The end."

"Amen." Brother Adam sits inside pew number six with a smile and a nod.

I exhale. "So far, if you are not labeled as a murderer, a thief, an evildoer, or a busybody, then you are following the sweet advice inside the First Book of Peter 4:1. 'You are honorable, compassionate, pitiful, courteous, meek, charitable, hospitable, without bitching.' Geez. It says it right here use 'hospitality one to another without griping, grumbling, or grudging. Be humble, sober, vigilant, and finally greet one another with a kiss.' It says it right here. In the First Book of Peter 5:14, 'greet ye one another with a kiss of charity. Peace be with you in Christ Jesus. Amen.'"

Sister Eve sits inside pew number three with a smile and a nod. "Amen."

I smile with a nod. "No one is good enough, save one. That is? Do you need a hint?"

"God..." the church people sing in unison with a nod and a smile.

"Jesus..." young Sister Eve sits inside pew number four with a smile and a nod.

I smile with a nod. "Close enough. The answer is both Almighty God and Brother Jesus from the Book of Luke 18:19."

Sister Eve sits inside pew number five with a smile and a nod. "Amen."

"God is perfect."

Brother Adam sits inside pew number nine with a smile and a nod. "Amen."

"You ain't."

Brother Adam sits inside pew number one with a chuckle. "Amen."

"'Do not kill. Do not steal. Do not commit adultery. Do not bear false witness.' In the parable from the Book of Luke 18:1-8, 'a judge, who did not fear God listened to a man, who wanted to harm and take the widower's possessions, probably gold. And the judge wanted to go along and hurt the widower also. Then Brother Jesus preachers, God will speedily avenge the unfaithful people as they cry day and night for their sins and mercy.' Ugh. Why do God's people continue to do these big bad ass stupid awful acts, when they will get punished?"

Brother Adam sits inside pew number seven with a smile and a nod. "Because, people are worried about their possessions like the house, the yard, the family, the job, the friends, and the dog, they can't see passed the material world occupying their eyes or swirling in their brains."

Sister Eve sits inside pew nine with a smile and a nod. "And folks are sick of the government taking everything that they have worked hardy for. And folks are sick of all the money taxes to pass for stupid government programs. And folks are sick of sick people getting our money when they are sick and can't pay for stuff."

I smirk. "Well I have an answer for all those issues. The answer is so simple and easy, nice folks of Pointsville. In the Book of Luke 18:22, 'Brother Jesus preaches sell all your possessions, give them to the poor, and you will have treasures in heaven foreverly.' "

Teen Sister Eve sits inside pew number three with a sneer to the female preacher and her father. "I ain't giving up my cell, ever, bitch. Tell her, Daddy?"

I smile with a nod. "You can't breastfeed the baby and talk on the mobile telephone, whore unless ya have grown three arms."

The mother of teen Sister Eve stands on her designer heels from the pew, flipping to her first born daughter. "Jeezus, Ashley. You're pregnancy? You're only sixteen years old. O my gawd."

I turn and smile at the chocolate-skinned male. "Help her mama out there, Doc?" He nods in silence. I turn and smile to the mother of the Ashley. "Ya see? Maybe, you cannot see. Doc has seen the ultrasound film on the medical equipment inside his private physician's office. Right, Doctor?" Physician nods in silence to the new female preacher for a second time.

"Stupid bitch..." Ashley stands and pushes between the pew and her mom, turning to the front of the church. Her parents and her sisters stand and leave the pews also for the front of the church too.

The door opens.

They all exit the church

I smile with a nod. "She is about five weeks. You can see that motherly bright halo glow around her skull cap. Looks kinda like a pinky tone to me. It is a girl for dang shore. Awe. Another new angel in our flock. Bless the babe forever."

The church people sound with a series of claps and smiles.

Sister Eve sits inside pew number one with a smile and a nod. "Amen."

I lift and hold an object near my smile. "I possess a brochure from the competition, a church publication from another church not here. Isn't there only one God?"

Brother Adam sits inside pew number five with a smile and a nod. "Amen."

"So why isn't there only one almighty church?" I shake my curls. "This particular very glossy and richly colored silky like fabric satin publication tells you, the sinner or the saint, depending upon your personal point of view, since we possess both neurons and Free Will. You can order a set of free videos, audios, books, and other material stuffs for listening to other people quote scripture chapters and verses from the Holy Bible. Your personal instruction manual for living as a human on planet Earth. This is a nice thought, a gift of joy that offers a very nice service even the money postal fees are free of charge for God's people."

"I wanna know, which I can't answer. I wanna know. Why can't God's people read it inside the Holy Book? That thing is almost 2,000 pages. God slowly quoted over 1,500 years in Latin word by word to the forty different ears and ink wells of prophets from His lips for you to read, study, re-read, re-study, and interpret with your own eyeballs, eardrums, finger tips, and neurons. It seems to me that sometimes you or someone you might know just lets another person do your homework."

Sister Eve sits inside pew one with a smile and a nod. "Amen."

Brother Adam sits inside pew number four with a frown, "Your homework?"

I smile with a nod. "We are tossed into pre-elementary school now days at the age of six months old, when a young baby attends day care. So your mama could go back to work, making money to buy pretty big and little things for you, your mom, your dad, and the other family members. Then you get your bee-hind dropped down into kindergarten to learn and receiving batches of weird looking homework assignments to better communicate with other humans who live inside a civilized society too. Does God not give you homework too which happens to come from His textbook of life, the Holy Bible? Are you not supposed to learn and study the batches of weird looking Holy Scriptures to better communicate with the Angels, the Holy Spirit, Brother Jesus, and God?"

Sister Eve sits inside pew number four with a smile and a nod. "Amen."

I smile with a nod. "So why are ya cheating on your homework assignment assigned by Almighty God? I do believe that He will be asking you that particular question when you die and ascend into His heaven. We all believe that is what happens. When a human dies, the soul goes to heaven. Then Saint Peter greets with a smile and a hand wave and opens the pearly white gates. Then you tromp on naked toe bones through a fluffy cloud rug straight to your new Boss' office. Him. Golly. What are you going to say when God asks? Why didn't you open His textbook and rested the Holy Bible pages out on top of the dining room table after supper time with a full stomach? Why you didn't read and study the Holy Scriptures with your own eyeballs?"

Brother Adam sits inside pew nine with a smile and a nod. "Amen."

I frown. "This ain't no test. This ain't just life. This is for freaking eternity to live in heaven together with Almighty God and Brother Jesus forever and ever and ever. It kinda gives away the mystic, the mystery, and the madness of finding the precious answers for your soul. Amen."

"Amen." Brother Adam sits inside pew number three with a smile and a nod.

"I do believe so. I do believe this is why the Holy Book is so mixed up and mismatched with all of God's messages which are repeated over and over and over again and scattered like field mice from that dang tomcat in different verses of the 2,000 paged manual." I look and read the pamphlet out loud with a smile and a nod. "Wow. This is so nice. You can get free in the mail or on your computer a variety of subject matters from angels to death to lies to salvation to the Tribulation. But wait? You, as one of billions of God's people, are supposed to scout, scan, and scurry around the Holy Bible for that particular answer to your particular question, not depend upon some one else to locate, find, and hand over that answer. That's like cheating, right? When you can't find the answer but cut your eyeballs at someone else's paper for the answer. Ya cheated?"

Brother Adam sits inside pew number seven with a smile and a nod. "Amen."

I flip it open to read and examine with a smile and a nod. "Why must everything be packaged like a shiny golden present and tied with a big pretty purple bow?" I look up with a smile to see the pews of church people. "Brother Jesus wasn't packaged when He taught His holy words. Wait. Our Brother was packaged. He wore a set of long dirty filthy light wool robes which were covered in that day's brown dirt with a few grass stains, walking through the crop fields and goat pastures. He wore a long beard, being of the Jewish fate, working on the road without a man-purse of good smelling spearmint shaving crème, a sharp razorblade, or a six dollar hair brush with the pretty red gel to smooth out the fuzzes. And He wore a pair of open-toed cow leather sandals, the height of fashion in 30 A.D. for a homeless man. Brother Jesus was packaged ugly for His journey of salvation. Amen."

Sister Eve sits inside pew number eight with a smile and a nod. "Amen."

I smile with a nod. "So Brother Jesus was packaged probably ugly but most definitely homily or is homey, the best vocabulary word. Today, why do we package stuff looking so nice and neat and trim and colorful for our eyeballs, eardrums, and taste buds?"

Brother Adam sits inside pew number one with a smile and a nod, "Money."

I nod with a smile. "Thank you, Brother Adam. The love of money is the root of all evil. When a thing is packaged with a set of pretty pink ribbons or blue leather straps, it appears valuable. Brother Jesus did not wear ribbons or straps. Did He? Why do we need to use our hard-working money to buy the pretty ribbons or blue straps? Brother Jesus did not possess money, a driver's license, a social security card, an ATM card, or a bank account. He sent the disciplines into towns for food, clothes, and sometimes shelter."

Brother Adam sits inside pew number six with a sour frown. "You're doing it again, Sister Eve. You are comparing Jesus' simple life in a very simple uncomplicated time period to our complex world of fast cars and faster communication. We're supposed to obey the rules of the land. We are supposed to pay our taxes to the tax collectors. Therefore, we require good jobs with money to purchase cars for traveling, clothes for working, and food for growing healthily children, and taxes to the USA government protecting us from bad people."

I nod with a smile. "Thank you, Brother Adam for your astute and accurate biblical observations. We must obey the rules from selected or elected authority figures while living on planet Earth and pay our money debts as humans. I do not question that concept or ask you to rebel or whine about your outstanding money debts. I simply wonder about the pre-packing of your accumulated debts which was acquired by money or other personal methods. Jesus is Jesus. He did live in a much simpler place and time with money in the form of gold coinage. I wonder how He would survive in twenty first century planet Earth. I challenge you to wonder that too. I realize that I haven't sufficiently addressed your inquiry, so I do apology, Brother Adam. Let us move to the next topic of discussion."

Sister Eve sits inside pew seven with a smile and a nod. "Amen."

I smile with a nod to the human and the pamphlet. "Thank you, Sister Eve. This publication is very useless as a guide for any person of God. It offers to provide you with a daily Bible lesson. I got a pair of sweaty hands and a tone of butterflies in my stomach during my tenth grade biology test and scared that I couldn't remember the main bones called tibia, fibula, and whatever. I got a C plus grade. My dad was proud of me. But I am not a good academic student but a good student of human life. I digress. Let us pretend that I died and ascended to heaven. I am impatiently waiting and worrying inside Big Man's office. He enters, looking like a white glowing Christmas tree. Everyone has their imagination. I image God, the supernatural Entity of the Universe as a pretty big and glowing tree-like Being. What do you do when God asks you to quote him one verse of Holy Scripture from the Holy Bible? Can you do that? What would you quote?"

Brother Adam sits inside pew number three with a smile and a nod. "Matthew 3:16, 'God gave His only Son to save us.'"

Sister Eve sits inside pew number nine with a smile and a nod. "Genesis Chapter 1:1, 'God created the universe in six days and then rested on the seventh.'"

Sister Eve sits inside pew number two frowns. "God is not going to quiz us on the Bible. That's plain stupid, Sister Eve."

I nod and wiggle the Bible near my smile. "Why is it silly, Sister Eve? God tests His faith in us on an hourly or daily or weekly basis, based on the Holy Scriptures. Do you think when you reach heaven that is it? We worshiped or loved or sacrificed our souls off from Earth to stand in front of God or Brother Jesus. Death is only the beginning."

"That's a quote from a Hollywood movie," Young Sister Eve sits inside pew number one with a smile and a giggle.

I smile with a nod to her. "I have heard that famous line all the dang time. I wanted to try it out here. Seriously. Believe. Believe it. Believe in faith. I want to brilliantly substitute with 'do.' Do it. Do it in faith. Acts, not words. Truths, not lies. Thanks, not whines. Do ya pray? Amen.

"I started praying, when I was a child. I taught my daughter to pray at the age of nine years old in the fourth grade. She understood the concept of God and His son Jesus. So we prayed after supper right before bedtime. My daughter prayed for her family unit, her friends, her neighbors, her schoolmates, and her pets then added other people and animals around the entire world. That covered a lot of souls, keeping them safe throughout the night. Then after a few years, I started noting that my daughter didn't pray for others in the world. The world wasn't being helped by her nightly solo prayers. Was God mad at her? Could she do something more to help all the previously named family and other people and animals?

"She never found an answer. Then after more years, my daughter started worrying more about the world, increasing her prayers. But still, the world was becoming worse than before. On the television screen every morning and night, we both see more murders, corruption, thievery, and robbery. What could she do to halt this? Then after twenty years, she reached a conclusion. The world is bad filled with bad folks, who like to do bad things totally. How did she reach that conclusion?"

Brother Adam sits inside pew number eight with a sour frown. "Sister Eve, you're making the assumption that every one of God's people can write, read, and comprehend a sentence or is mentally or physically fit to read a Bible. You're being nitpicky, flinging all purpose statements without looking at the minuet details. And you're generalizing folks into one big group of..."

"Christians..." I pause. "Ah. I am so happy that you have chosen to debate that fine delicate topic with me, Brother Adam. May I make a personal inquiry of you? Do you have a mom?"

"Yes." Brother Adam nod from pew number eight.

4:08 p.m.

I smile with a nod. "Do you have a daddy or a sister or a brother or an uncle or an aunt or a grandma or a grandpa or a cousin?"

Brother Adam sits inside pew eight with a smile and a nod. "Yes, most of those family members."

I clap with a nod and a grin. "Thank you, Brother Adam for completing my short but sweet survey. I generalize folks into one group called Christians, because we have immediate family members, including a very good extensive family member tree, such as, aunts, uncles, and cousins. However, God ain't stupid, folks. He gave us more than a mom and a dad for a couple of reasons, one being to assist with our Bible studying. Amen."

Sister Eve sits inside pew number two with a smile and a nod. "Amen."

"For example, we all congregate here inside this church to learn, study, and interact with each other about Bible stuff. I am not trying to be funny or insulting here. But a person of God is blessed by God, Himself. So if there is a slow thinking person of God in your family tree, then it is your obligation to help, aid, and assist. Love thy neighbor or family member as thyself. Therefore, I will restate very clearly that every person of God should know some of the Holy Bible. In the Book of Matthew 15:10-17, 'Brother Jesus says hear and understand. Then He asks are you still so dull?' I think Brother Jesus implies. Are you still so dumb, ya stupid dumbass. Brother Jesus is too holy to use those nasty words. But I am not. In Matthew 15:16-19, 'Brother Jesus teaches what enters the mouth goes into the stomach and then out of the body. But words come out of a person's mouth come from a heart which is sometimes evil thoughts, such as, murder, adultery, and theft.'"

Sister Eve sits inside pew number seven with a smile and a nod. "Amen."

I smile. "Subject change. Someone pick a new subject topic." Young Sister Eve raises an arm as I point to the young girl with a smile and a nod. "Young Sister Eve, what is your fond subject matter for the morning church hour?"

Young Sister Eve sits inside pew number five with a smile and a nod. "I like animals."

I nod with a grin. "Excellent choice matter, little Sister Eve. I had to take a stray cat to the local animal shelter last week. The local animal shelter reports that it kills ninety nine percent of all animals at the shelter, since the animal costs money to fed and treat for sickness. The female feline had no home for some reason that I cannot answer. No one wanted her. And I do not want to hear from your parted lips the sounds: 'Ah, poor thing.' Did ya want that stray flea-bitten mangy mammal? Did you want to spend tons of your hard working dollars at the expensive animal veterinarian's office to pay for her needed medications and her medicines to make her a healthy and happy cat? Did you want to take care of the cat for the rest of her healthy and happy days? No. No. No. So I do not want a whisper of pious pity for a stray animal that no one gives a shit about. Any animal that God had created with His love and then placed upon His property for a loving human like you, me, her, him, your child, your husband, your mama to care about..." I look down the open pages of the Bible.

"In the Book of Proverbs 27:23, 'know the condition of your flocks, give careful attention to the herds. God requires to return a stray animal to its owner and to help any and all animals in distress.' This biblical passage comes from the Book of Exodus 23:4. 'Animals are to benefit from a Sunday rest like humans.' This comes from the Book of Exodus 23:12. 'There are laws to govern the proper treatment and care of farm animals.' This comes from the Book of Deuteronomy 22:10.

"'Brother Jesus says five sparrows sell for two coins of small value yet not one of them goes forgotten before God.' This is stated in the Book of Luke 12:6. And finally, God questions His own terrible order as He says. 'I feel sorry for the great city of Nineveh. There it exists more than one hundred and twenty thousand men and many domestic animals.' This comes from the Book of Jonah 4:11.

"So we are to treat and care for all of God's creatures. That is your hu-man duty as assigned by God as a brother and a sister caretaker of His property which is called planet Earth." I move and sit inside the throne chair, looking with a sour frown to see the pews of church people.

I ask with a stern face. "Where is your duty as a Christian, when you rush your paying automobile to your paid money work, passing a starving homeless skinny adult dog on the roadway? Obvious, it is homeless and ownerless. But you fly passed that needy animal on your way to work, making money to purchase a new cell phone or a new plasma television or a new pair of shoes or a new something pretty with pink ribbons and blue straps for you or your family members. The dog curls its skinny body down into the clay dirt at night in the darkness alone, scared, hungry." I look down with a smile to the see the floor. "Awe. Look a beautifully polished wooden flooring of maple." I look up with a grin to see the pews of church people. "The flooring is cleaned each week by your nice church people. And then it is buffed out twice a year, making God's church a pretty and nice place for the worshipping brothers and sisters of God.

"In the Book of Matthew, Chapter 24:25, 'Brother Jesus says behold, I have told ya before.' I find it so cool when Brother Jesus verbally reprimands God's people kinda like when your mom yells at you for stealing the last chocolate cookie from the cookie jar ten minutes before suppertime. In the Book of Matthew Chapter 24 and verses 26-44 in the Bible says. 'Brother Jesus is reminding and warning once again about your soul after the Tribulation.'"

Sister Eve sits inside pew four with a smile and a nod. "Amen."

"Brother Jesus goes into some awesome sci-fi effects. He says. But I will paraphrase for your eardrums. 'The sun is dark. The moon is dead. The stars fall out of the night sky. Heaven is shaken.' Now I do not know what that specifically means. 'Brother Jesus tattles angels descend down and play trumpets from the four corners of planet Earth.' Awesome, hu-man," smiling.

Sister Eve sits inside pew number three with a smile and a nod. "Amen."

I nod with a smile. "Thank you, Sister Eve. In the Bible, 'Brother Jesus says this generation shall not pass till all these things are fulfilled.' What does Brother Jesus mean by 'this generation shall not pass?' The sinners are in hell. The Christians are in heaven. If not, where are the sinners and Christians?"

Brother Adam sits inside pew number nine with a smile and a nod. "The dead ones are in the dirt earth graves waiting for Jesus' arrival. The live ones are above dirt waiting for Jesus' arrival."

I nod with a smile. "Thank you, Brother Adam. In the Book of Matthew, Chapter 24 and verse 35, 'Heaven and Earth will pass away but not Jesus' words.' Wow. Ponder that single powerful English sentence which was translated in Latin from the lips of Brother Jesus? Heaven and Earth will pass away? Pass away to freaking where planet? Saturn? Jupiter? A new galaxy? That single sentence boggles my mind and makes my tummy hurt. Boys and girls, I do not want to miss that celestial star ship foreverly. In the Book of Matthew Chapter 25 and verses 38 through 39, 'the days of Noah, before the flood, God's people were eating, drinking, marrying, and giving in marriage. Then the water flood came and took them all away.' But we have studied and learned from the Holy Bible that these folks who lived on planet Earth during Noah's time were all sinners. This is the reason that God punished them and removed them from His property by drowning their delicate air breathing bio-shells. What has happened to these water flood victim sinning souls? Are they serving their time in hell with Satan now?"

Sister Eve sits inside pew number six with a smile and a nod. "Yes."

"Thank you, Sister Eve. Or could another working theory at play here that they are waiting up in one of heaven's jail for de Judgment Day? Because, God has judged and labeled them hundred percent sinners. Bam. Wham. Thank you ma'am. You are a sinner. You die in flood. Then you go directly down to hell. That seems so effing harsh and freaking mean to me, because Brother Jesus wasn't there to preach about sins, heaven, hell, and souls. I mean all those people, except for good Noah get trashed and dumped down into hell, but Noah's family. Harsh, man. So you get one single bold shot a being a good person of God or die, descend, and destroyed into nothingness. Brother Jesus didn't exist during Noah's day, so you couldn't rightly call these people Christians. Therefore, they are properly labeled as God's people. Harsh stuff. Be good or be gone. Wow."

Sister Eve sits inside pew number five with a smile and a nod. "Amen."

"In the next verse numbered forty, in the Book of Matthew, Chapter 24..."

Sister Eve sits inside pew number five with a frown. "You do not have to keep mentioning both the book and the chapter. We are all following along your Sunday lecture."

I grin with a nod. "Really? You follow me. I'm impressed. As I was saying, in the Book of Matthew, Chapter 24. However, I believe that all the books and the chapters of the Bible should be repeated numerous, numerous times for every pair of eardrums...."

"Amen." Brother Adam sits inside pew number nine with a smile and a nod.

"In the Book of Matthew, Chapter 24, verse 40, 'two persons work in a field. One shall be taken and the other left. Two women work, grinding at the mill. One shall be taken and the other left.' Wow. That's like a fifty percent bad customer service rating, if you are one that is 'left' all alone in a field as the working non-Christian. The word 'and' is a joiner function in English grammar that links two individual independent clauses together within the total action play. I find it very intriguing that Brother Jesus selected that particular conjunction 'and' as opposed to leaving the two English sentence separated with no space."

"Jesus is making a point, not constructing an English lesson." Sister Eve sits inside pew number eight with a frown.

I look up with a grin to see the ceiling. "Adam and Eve. Peanut butter and jelly. Leather and lace." I look down with a giggle to see the pews of church people. "I take Brother Jesus' advice at right and left face value. So why did Brother Jesus not word it something like this. There are many persons working in a field. Some will be taken. Some will not. I mean that kinda leaves it up in the air, a mysterious percentage of the good versus bad soul ratio mix. However, He did not state that. Brother Jesus says one out of two is taken. That is exactly fifty percent. Brother Jesus must know that only fifty percent of the people who live on planet Earth are not going to ascend into heaven..."

"No." Sister Eve sits inside pew number five with a frown. "You're doing it again. You're placing words into the mouth of Jesus that do not belong, Sister Eve. You've presented a very simple example of the Rapture for our slow thinking Christians. It is very easy to explain and comprehend for a second grader. The numeric equation, one plus one equal two. When the number one is subtracted from the number two, the answer is the number one. Elementary, my dear Sister Eve," giggling.

I nod with a smile. "Thank you, Sister Eve. I enjoy reading, especially world history stories. Do you know what the New World's Revenge is? It affected the foreign countries of Spain, France, and Italy. Anyone? A guess? The first recorded medical condition in the year 1493 of syphilis came from the country of Spain with the returned sailors of Columbus's first voyage to the Caribbean Islands," laughing.

"Why is that funny, Sister Eve? Why are you laughing? It is very tragic and sick event to mention it inside our precious church." Sister Eve sits inside pew number five with a frown.

I smile. "Wow. I do believe that is God's wrath in a historical accounting. Subject change. Keep up, church people. I like to read including some interesting and intriguing articles on the world wide electronic internet. I have read hundreds of electronic articles and comments. And I use that math term to emphasize the high number of written testimonies about people, who grieve and mourn over a deceased mama, daddy, sister, brother, or grandma for four, six, ten and twelve years. Why? Why? Why?"

"We miss our loving kin folks." Sister Eve sits inside pew nine with a frown. "'Blessed are people that mourn, because they will be comforted.' This is taken from Matthew 5:4."

"We want to honor them by remembering their good deeds and our good times with long gone parents and grandparents." Brother Adam sits inside pew number one with a smile and a nod.

I nod with a smile. "Thank you both, Sister Eve and Brother Adam. I want to add in the First Book of Thessalonians 4:13-14, 'God would not want you to be ignorant with dwelling on dead kin folks. Do not be sad as people who don't have hope. For Jesus died and rose again.' I want too, too. Excuse the pun. The word 'would' is used by God instead of like the word 'do.' Why?"

"It means the same thing, Sister Eve." Sister Eve sits inside pew number one with a frown.

I shake my curls with a stern face. "Naw. The word 'do' translates into 'do it now' without a struggle, a restrain, or an argument. God uses the word 'would' for a purpose. The definition of the word 'would' means to make an offer or an invitation. Would you like chocolate? Would you like some lunch? I am offering. I find it interesting that God offers for you not to be ignorant in dealing with your deceased kin folks. God doesn't command you like using the action verb 'do' but offers for you to be nice and pleasant and happy and content. Since your soul and your body competes with your free will. I find that intriguing. I also find that the entire Holy Scriptures is inviting you to be good. And to be good, you gotta read the Book from the Man. Amen."

Brother Adam sits inside pew four with a smile and a nod. "Brother Jesus died and rose again. We, Christians will dead and rise too."

"I also found reading hundreds of internet articles associated with mourning of lost kin folks. Each internet author enjoyed to text all types of shared numerous childish whines. Since my mama died last year, the house roof leaks. The bathroom toilet is clogged. The car broke down. The children argue. The television station goes on strike. The weekly mail doesn't come." I pause. "So this poor soul has no hope in life or in selfie or in God or all three. I have concluded that his or her mom held a job and worked to pay for the house repairs. Or the author is a lazy bum not taking full responsible for the family unit."

Sister Eve sits inside pew number one with a frown. "He or she could be grieving or sad or depressed or mentally unstable."

"Hmm. We have learned in the Book of Psalm 112:5, 'God's person...you and me...will guide his affairs with discretion.' I think this particular God's person needs some big time discretion, such as, sharing their shitty smelly garbage on the worldwide internet for all the world's eyeballs to read. I definitely do not concur with your analogy, Sister Eve. Subject change? The Holy Bible does contain a few errors, contradictions, and discrepancies written 1,500 years ago by forty different authors, using forty different writing styles from numerous different perspectives to different people for different purposes from Moses to Muslims. I thought you would have been interested in that Bible trivial. What is salvation?"

Brother Adam sits inside pew number one with a smile and a nod, "Saving yourself."

I nod with a grin. "What is salvation by faith?"

Brother Adam sits inside pew number one with a smile and a nod. "Saving yourself by believing in Jesus brings about faith."

I nod with a grin. "In the Book of James 2:17-18, 'Brother Jesus says genuine faith in God produces a changed life and good works. A person, who is truly justified by faith or charged by faith, will have good works in his or her life. If a person claims to be a Christian but no good works in his or her life, then say person does not have genuine faith in God.' Sin or Law?"

Sister Eve sits inside pew number six with a smile and a nod, "Eternal damnation."

"Emotion," Sister Eve sits inside pew number three with a smile and a nod.

Brother Adam sits inside pew number four with a smile and a nod, "Blood, sweat and tears."

I nod with a smile. "Good answers, all brothers and sisters. In the Book of Galatians 5:22-23, 'the good fruit believers have fruit or faith in their fruit baskets.' In the Book of Ephesians 2:10, 'Paul tells that we are created to do good works.' In the Second Book of Corinthians 5:17, 'you believe in Brother Jesus. You are a new creation, the old person is gone, the new God's person cometh.' I added that last part for fun. Salvation is free of charge. No gold or silver or US dollar is required for physical payment but only believing in Brother Jesus and accepting our Christian's responsibility of the gift of faith. Big bold words, ya'll. And add to these big bold words, some bigger bolder words in the Book of Romans 6:23 'the wage of sin is death. The gift of faith is Jesus.' What did you do today for your gift of faith? Hmm, now?"

Sister Eve sits inside pew number one with a smile and a nod. "You go first, Sister Eve. What is your gift of faith?"

I view the pews of church people. "I do not give gifts of faith. I give goods of trouble. That old fortune teller told me truthfully about my troubled past. At the age of sixteen, I stole a car and robbed a gas store with a gun. Then I killed the store clerk. But she died and ascended up to heaven. I fled the store driving wildly down a street and harmed some more good folks. I got caught. I served some jail time. My parents were dirt poor like a church mouse. So I got pardoned by the governor himself. Before a public civil servant leaves their elected politician office, they get to screw it to the natives like the President of the United States does every four years. The President of the United States releases convicted killers, murderers, and rapists at the end of his presidential term."

"I think that she should resign her preaching services to our little church," Sister Eve stands inside pew number seven with a sour frown and a nod.

"I agree," Sister Eve stands inside pew number four with a sour frown and a nod.

Brother Adam sits inside pew nine with a smile and a chuckle. "Who will cast the first stone, baby?"

Sister Eve sits inside pew number four with a sour frown. "She committed murder breaking one of God's Ten Commandments."

Sister Eve sits inside pew number eight with a nod. "'Judge not and ye be not judged. Condemn not and ye be not condemned.' I believe that comes from the scripture in Luke 6:37."

Brother Adam sits inside pew number two with a smile and a nod. "How about the verses from Luke 6:27 to 37? 'Blessed be ya poor for you will inherit the Kingdom of God.'"

Brother Adam sits inside pew number three with a stern face. "Sister Eve was a minor. The laws of our land protect children under the legal age of eighteen years old. And she served her time in jail for her sinful crimes."

Sister Eve sits inside pew number three with a smile and a nod. "And God has forgiven her and called Sister Eve into church preaching."

I nod with a smile. "You do not pay me money or gold or silver to church preach here at this quaint little country church in the wild woods."

"We don't?" Sister Eve sits inside pew number four, turning with a puzzled brow to see the nose profile of her husband.

Elder Brother Adam sits inside pew number one with a smile and a nod. "Sister Eve is correct. She was asked and accepted the preacher-ship with our little church."

I smile with a nod. "Thank you, Elder Brother Adam. You do not possess gold or silver or money in the bank. So Almighty God sent me here. I have the gift of gab and the knowledge of the Holy Bible. I will leave it up to you, ask me? But I will ask you to leave, if you do not want to stay and hear my preaching sermon." I pause with a nod. "The old fortune teller knew about my nasty murderous incident that I had committed at sixteen years old."

Sister Eve sits inside pew number three with a sour frown. "She remembered your face or name. That's all. You're a beautiful young girl. She met your person somewhere, maybe in the grocery store or a retail shop at the local mall."

"I didn't live here in Pointsville at the age of sixteen years old."

Brother Adam sits inside pew number eight with a sour frown. "Her questions led to those educated guesses which were good, but still a fifty-fifty best guess."

"She did the talking."

Teen Sister Eve sits inside pew number seven turns with a stern face and elbows her mama with a nod. "Confess to the congregation, Mama. Tell them what happened to you?"

The mother of teen Sister Eve sits inside pew seven looks down with a stern face to see her and the new female preacher with a nod. "I went to see a woman like that too."

"Martha?" Sister Eve sits inside pew six and turns around with a confused brow to her friend.

Martha frowns with a nod. "I was worried about my working job. The US economy sucks. I have responsibilities many, many family responsibilities."

I nod with a smile. "You have tattled your confession, Sister Eve. You do not need to go into any more details. I thank you for your input."

Martha raises a palm with a stern face. "Wait. I want to contribute, Sister Eve. I think all should hear what I have experienced too. The fortune teller was very nice and very old. She didn't ask me any particular questions about my life either. She looked into her pretty colorful cards. She told me that my husband was un-faithful. She told me lots of stuff that I didn't want to hear but needed to hear. I was going to lose my good paying work job. She was correct. I did. But I was going to find another good paying job. She was correct. I did too."

Sister Eve sits inside pew number five, turning around with a sour frown to her friend too. "Do not be deceived by false prophets, Sister Eve. Almighty God, Brother Jesus, the Holy Spirit, and all your Angels provided for you, when you suffered and failed in your life. Remember that always, Sister Eve?"

Martha nods with a stern face. "I believe in Jesus, God, and my angels with all my heart and soul. But I was worried. I have a family to support without my lousy husband and need a job to support my loving family. Are any of you going to pay my mortgage and my grocery bills? Are you going to pay my car note and my car insurance? The answers to both my personal questions is no. So I needed a little confidence booster. The old fortune teller was very kind and very nice to me. I guess I needed someone to talk too. But let me make this very clear. She advised and helped me through a hard time in my life. I can relate with Sister Eve's personal experience," smiling.

I nod with a smile. "And the old fortune teller helped me too, Sister Martha. But I find it very interesting that the fortune teller could repeat to me my evil sin of murder. I prayed really hard to God for my forgiveness in heaven."

Brother Adam sits inside pew six with a smile and a nod. "You are forgiven, Sister Eve."

"Tell me, someone? Why would that old fortune teller know about that particular sin, if God had cleared if off His heavenly book then? I thought all my earthly trespassers were forgiven, after I prayed them off my nasty list. However, that old wrinkled fortune teller was too accurate like she could read God's book in heaven."

"You have a very vivid imagination, Sister Eve." Sister Eve sits inside pew seven with a smirk.

I frown. "I believe God remembers everything. That is a hefty sin of murder, even if I asked for my forgiveness. God remembers and wants to discuss that particular sin with me when I make it back up into heaven after my death here on planet Earth. God judges me by keeping someone like the old fortune teller here on planet Earth to remind that I must be a number one sinner at the age of sixteen, being a sinner until the day I die out on planet Earth. I will be forgiven but forever be remembered as a murderess on His property with his murdered child. That seems unfair to me and the other murders and killers. Subject change. Gimme a new topic? Young Sister Eve of six years old sits inside pew number seven raises an arm with a nod and a smile as I point with a smile to her. "Young Sister Eve, what's your pleasure, honey?"

5:08 p.m.

The door opens.

Another Sister Eve of the current congregation stands in the archway of the kitchen with a smile and a hand wave, "Suppertime. Come and get your meal before Brother Adam in pew number eight eats it all up," giggling.

The church people stand and move around the pews to the rear door into the kitchen, grabbing a plate of food at the counter and circles around, returning back into the small auditorium. Each one stands on the same pew in their assigned seat to hear more of the church sermon from the new female preacher.

I am last in the line for the food behind the church people, grabbing food and move around, sitting inside one of the matching golden patient throne chairs next to the speaker podium in front of the pews of church people.

"Angels." Little young Sister Eve sits inside pew number seven with her mother, her plate of food, and her missing two front teeth.

I wipe my mouth with the paper napkin, after eating. I nod with a smile, "Heavenly angels. An excellent choice for our evening discussion thread, since I got another slick colorful glossy advertisement in my mailbox yesterday. You can purchase an adorable greeting card or a figurine featuring a batch of angels as cute babies sporting tiny little wings as depicted in the Holy Bible. Geez.

"Does the Pointsville Angel Gift Shop pay Almighty God a commission percentage on each cute baby angel with a pair of precious angel wings as the money dings into the cash register? Afraid not. What you think? How does God feel about His cute creations being manufactured then advertised, then sold to folks, because they like faith or lack faith or like to collect useless junk inside their homes. You cannot eat a pair of ceramic angel wings like you can a fried chicken wing." I eat, chew, and swallow the fried chicken wing. "Why do people wear a cross which is Brother Jesus' weapon of destruction? Brother Jesus died on a wooden cross. That is like a weapon. Right? Right! When God's people die by a knife or a gun, do we wear it too? O yeah. Only in the southern part of USA, the rednecks wear them and use for defense," laughing.

Brother Adam sits inside pew seven with a smile and a nod, "Yeehaw."

"Thanks, Brother Adam. I believe my questions can be answered with Matthew 6:19-21. 'Do not store treasures of earth where moth and rust destroy and thieves break in and steal.' Wow. God mentions that thieves might steal your stuff even during the Bible times of day and night. Geez. Even back then, God's people and their Free Will worked and plotted together for evil. What does the assigned guardian angel of the stealing thief think about this non-progressing Christian duty? I have finished my rambling. I was quoting Matthew 6:19-21. 'Do not store up for your selfie treasures on earth where moth and rust destroy and where thieves break in and steal. But store up for your selfie treasures in heaven which located within your heart. Aw. That is so nice and short and to the freaking point for any Christian with a sixth grade level to comprehend."

Brother Adam sits inside pew one with a smile and a nod. "Amen."

"What hidden treasures are within a person's heart?" I eat and chew, looking at the pews of church people.

Sister Eve sits inside pew number four with a smile and a nod. "I feel that the treasures are obeying God, helping others like friends and family, giving money to God, and sharing Jesus with friends."

I jab a finger to her with a smile. "That's great, Sister Eve. That's wonderful. Tell me again? How does a collection of animal, mineral, plants, metal, paper, wood, or steel treasures fit into your eternal life with God in His heaven? Where are you going to store your money or your necklace or your designer purse in His heaven? The real heavenly angels appear in different forms or shapes. In the Book of Daniel 10:10-12, 'the angel startled Daniel, because he looked like a human but with a bright shiny head.' God creates lot of immortal beings called 'angels.' Angel is a Greek word for 'messenger' to act as a supernatural being between you and God. In the Book of First Timothy 6:16, 'you cannot see God directly with your naked human eyes.' Amen." I wipe my mouth with the paper napkin, placing it inside my empty plate, sitting the plate on the floor.

Sister Eve sits inside pew six with a smile and a nod. "Amen."

I nod with a smile. "Heavenly angels are faithful to God, working on good, but the fallen angels are bad, working for evil selfies. In the First Book of John 4:1, 'do not believe every spirit but test the spirit, since a good angel only comes from God.' Geez. I'm freaky freaking out here. Not all angels come from goody-good God but Satan too and sugar over my sweet peaches, girlfriend."

Sister Eve sits inside pew number three with a smile and a nod. "Amen."

"In the Book of Matthew 28:2-4, 'on top of the tomb of stone for Brother Jesus after the resurrection, there appears a dazzling white image of reminiscent light.' Mic or Gab? Who do you think sat on top of the grave stone of Brother Jesus? In the Book of Hebrews 13:1-5, 'God advises love one another and show hospitality to strangers, because a stranger might be hiding out as an angel. Remember people in prisons; remember people mistreated. Marriage is honored, but the adulterer is judged. And live your life free from the love of money and be happy with what ya got, honey, bunny' Does anyone do this any of these precious wise things?"

Sister Eve sits inside pew number two and spits food. "Yes ma'am. Of course, we do. We obey God's commandments every day of our lives. I get sick and tired of you slapping on our hands that we are sinners. We are not sinners, Sister Eve. We come to church. We pray. We help our community. So please stay on the topic selected by our own precious earth angel, young Sister Eve. Is there anything else to add about an angel that doesn't include harping on our misgivings, Sister Eve?"

"In the Book of Hebrews 1:1-4, 'pay most careful attention what you hear from your angel. The message spoken through an angel is binding. Every violation and disobedience receives punishment. How shall you escape, if you ignore so great a salvation? God testifies salvation by signs, wonders, and miracles, and gifts of the Holy Spirit according to God's will.'

"Woo. These are some very bold and powerful sentences here. We got good angels following us around plus bad angels following us. And God watches it all happen in living color. That is awesome, scary, and wonderful all at the same time. The Holy Scriptures describes that your guardian angel has jobs like you. Who knew? I knew. Did you know too?" I giggle. "An angel worships God, answers your prayers on God's property, gives guidance and advice, and performs some physical needs. What kind of physical need would an angel do for me or you?"

Brother Adam sits inside pew number one with a smile and a nod. "Save a person from a bad car accident."

I smile with a nod. "Good point, Brother Adam. People say all the time. Your heavenly angel saved you body from death, after you fell off that roof tile," chuckling. "Everyone knows the story of the Exodus with Moses and the people tromping through the waters and woods. This is so cool. In the Book of the Exodus 23:20-26, I will paraphrase. 'God sent Archangel Metatron to guide and guard Moses and his journey to the Promise Land. Then God tells Moses. Pay attention to Archangel Metatron. Listen to what Metatron says. Do not rebel against him. He will not forgive rebellion, since God is in his name too.'

"Some research scientists say that old Metatron was really God, Himself leading Moses and the other Jews into the Promise Land. Ain't that cool? Think about that. God was here in disguise, of course.

"During Moses' time, God was really here on His own property. He was hovering in the skyline like a freaking bird, but that's close enough in my book. This is the hard evidence like in a court of law. Because, some scholars believe that Metatron is one of the highest Archangels and superior than the others Archangels, including Mic and Gab. Halt. Do you understand me? We are on the same sheet of harp music. That's very important here as I wrap up my preaching. Let us go back to Archangel Metatron. The spelling letters of his proper angel name in the language of Hebrew is still a great mystery to all academic scholars. Whoa the stagecoach, ya'll. That is a very intriguing mystery and still unsolved. I guess you can ask Brother Jesus about that one when you see him, next time. Huh?" I laugh with a smile.

"I didn't know that, Sister Eve." Brother Adam sits inside pew number four with a confused brow.

I smile with a nod, "Subject change. Once, I talked with this elderly lady, after she survived heart failure. She told me that she defied God."

Sister Eve sits inside pew number three with a frown. "What?"

I frown. "What, what? She told me. Since the transplantation of a new mechanic heart inside her biological body, her new heart feels like a mule is trying to kick its hoof out of her chest. It hurts. It aches. She feels achy-breaky heart thump pains all the dang time, since the medical life-saving technological advanced surgery procedure. That brings up an interesting debate. In the Book of Leviticus 19:28 'do not cut your bodies for the dead or put tattoo marks on yourselves.'"

"So?" Sister Eve sits inside pew number six with a confused brow.

I smile with a nod. "Maybe, the old woman is right. She allowed someone to cut on her biological body when she was very close to death like dead, which might be a defiance of God's will. God created us and controls our life. And we are supposed to worship and thank him through the Holy Spirit. Therefore, she was suffering God's wrath with her mechanic heart as she lived out her final days in pain. Think about that, folks? She didn't die but used modern technology to live some more freaking days in both pain and suffering, instead of peace and love in heaven. She employed her free will card to run around God's time line. Hmm?"

Sister Eve sits inside pew number two with a smirk. "You have a very vivid imagination. That poor old woman is sick. She needed some tender loving care, since her own family members don't bother to visit the old bat."

I nod with a smile. "Subject change. Back to the angels. They are with us." I whip out my personal mobile telephone, typing and reading on the tiny screen. "They exist on a different frequency to the human ears and eyeballs like dogs do. There are so-called seven signs that indicate an angel is close to your flesh and blood person. Let us count them up. One, the temperature of the room may change or a sudden rush of warm air. Or my favorite, you get goose bump tinkles at the back of your neck. Or maybe, that one is a demon, one of many Satan's soldiers. Satan exists. Some say, an intriguing fragrance may appear out of nowhere. Well I know this very smart and sane lady, who had a ghost overturn her perfume bottles to get some undivided creepy attention. So beware! Is there a fragrance of an angel or a ghost?

"It might be an unusual smelly aroma that you have never smelt before. So word of extreme caution here too. A series of invisible gases come from a leaking heater and a washer and a refrigerator too inside a house. Let us be smart and investigator for danger smells before dainty sniffs.

"Different colored lights may suddenly appear within your visual eyesight from like no freaking where. You may see shafts of light streaming down or shooting across the room or may catch circles of light. Do not afraid, folks! You do not need a pair of prescription eye glasses either. An angel guards you or warns you being there inside the room with you. But an angel will never ever harm you. Some say, you hear a voice that is trying to communicate with you. I hear burps from my throat eating too much. I hear growls from my tummy for hunger. I hear farts from my butthole really well too." I giggle. "The angel might merely whisper a muffled word or sentence like: Do not, asshole," laughing. "I bet that old angel will communicate with you using a mental message which is probably clear and loud like: Do not think about it, asshole.

"I do not believe that you are hearing a product of your vivid dream state imagination. And for Saint's Peter sake, do not tell anyone that you see angels and hear angels and talk to angels. Or Pointsville Mental Institution, here I come with a twin set of pretty ribbon tied ankle and wrist bracelets. White is a popular color associated with an angel. I know that one. Did you?"

I continue to read my mobile telephone. "I like this one. An angel may appear to you in a dream. Since the freaking out and overeducated book smart psychiatrists tell you that all dreams are associated with stress and distress of your puny little human life. So it makes perfect sense for me to dream about an angel wishing for a serious answer or two regarding my current shitty problem of my stupid life on planet Earth. Says here, you will feel refreshed and positive when you awake from the night's slumber, once an angel visits your dream-state. I credit my angel for last night, because I feel both fresh and position this morning. I don't like this one. You may feel someone is in the room with you. Naw thanks, mama. I like being alone in the room, when I am alone in the room. When I have company, I like feeling and touching my flesh and blood company," giggling.

I read my mobile telephone. "This one is pretty good. You may feel that someone has just brushed past you or placed a pair of hands on your collar bone. Nope. Naw. Nada. Not happening, folks. That's too Alfred Hitchcockish to me and my collar bone." I shake my curls and read my mobile telephone. "Some folks say that a common experience inside a library like a freaking flying book comes off the dang book shelf and lands at your boot toes. I liked the movie Ghost Buddies, too. Some folks say to hold a pencil in your hand and write what your ears might hear within the quiet air waves as an angel talks to you. I do not know about that angel signage or signature or signed document. Do you?"

Sister Eve sits inside pew number three with a smile and a nod. "I believe, Sister Eve. We can hear angels, when we are scared and seek signs of peaceful comfort. And we see signs of mercy or grace, because we are aware of the message from our heavenly prayer."

I nod with a smile, "Excellent, Sister Eve. That is a very good point. We all should spend more time in the present moment. Let us try this. Close your eyelids and focus on your breathing. This stops your active mind from racing around numerous barrels of active wicked thoughts. Just breathe. Open your eyelids. Feel something?" I giggle. "O well. Everyone's different."

Sister Eve sits inside pew number two with a smile and a nod. "I feel angels right after a thunder storm. The heat of the air is fresh and clean about me and my house. I feel happy and light-hearted."

Sister Eve sits inside pew number three with a smile and a nod. "I feel my angel when the air smells like honeysuckles or busted blue berries, floating the fragrance from the cow pasture. I feel love and joy."

Sister Eve sits inside pew number four with a smile and a nod. "I know my angel is communicating with me, since I am trying to lose weight. I see pictures of diet sodas, green salads advertised on road signs or on the television which gives me the courage to take my health more serious."

Sister Eve sits inside pew number four with a smirk. "I'd take a different route to work, honey. And change that TV station, dear."

Brother Adam sits inside pew six with a grin and a laugh. "The diet thing is gnawing inside your neurons. Your thoughts are real things too. When you spend a great deal of energy pondering an idea, you will begin to see and hear it everywhere. This is the nature of humans who are created by God. Did ya buy a new car recently? Then you see that particular car everywhere for the first time. That's the mental thing coupling with the physical material possession. That's why Brother Jesus warns us to give up our outer material treasures and focus on our inner loving emotions to bring about peace and joy into our human lives."

I smile with a nod. "That is very beautiful, Brother Adam." He nods with a smile in silence to her.

Sister Eve sits inside pew number eight with a smirk. "Greed. You are experiencing greed, Sister Eve with your diet thing. You're too greedy, thinking of yourself instead of the starving homeless people who would kill for your fat cells. Greed is one of the seven deadly sins, dieter Sister Eve."

I smile with a giggle. "Now. Now. Be nice, kids. God likes to give His stuff to you. Some folks are lucky enough to get lots of crap. If you really want to hear an angel, then be quiet and listen. That is called meditation or sitting around without the television, the radio, and the cell ringing inside your eardrums. Some folks say to image colors surrounding your biological body and the associated body parts to calm your emotions. Why? Color is easy to identity and visual. You can see the color red easily inside your mind. Right? Let us practice an exercise. Close your eyelids again. Focus on your heart. Imagine encircling your heart with the color of white. The color white is pure and innocence like Brother Jesus and the Virgin Mary and all the dang millions of faithful angels. Heart. White. I feel love."

"Love..." says young Sister Eve of six years old sits inside pew number seven with a smile and a nod and her eyes closed.

Sister Eve sits inside pew number three looks at the new female preacher with a smile and a nod. "I wake up at three am from a deep sleep, every morning. I sit up. I'm awake and must get out of bed. What does that mean, Sister Eve?"

"Ya gotta pee. You're an old woman, Sister Eve." I laugh. "Angels are definitely getting your attention for a big upcoming special production showcase heavenly miracle, Sister Eve. Even that old fortune teller told me to help find my purpose. I am to mediate or pray like God teaches. I am to remove the clutter inside my mind, opening up space for me to hear more clearly my angels, Brother Jesus, Almighty God, and the Holy Spirit. I do believe that fasting like God teaches and helps me with that celestial act. The old fortune teller told me to raise my vibration with singing, dancing, or gardening. These active activities will make me happy. You should jump up and down at three in the morning, before pissing. 'Be happy says Brother Jesus' in the Book of Luke something. Did you know that particular Holy Bible scripture?"

Sister Eve sits inside pew number three with a smile and a nod. "Amen."

"Thank you, Sister Eve. The happy vibration connects you to your angels. Praying does also. She told me to drink lots of water. I inquired about drinking only pure spring creek water from Florida. She really didn't appreciate my dark humor. We're chemical beings. Do ya really think sugary lip-smashing drinks are good for your biological body? Milk is not even good for your body, since ninety eight percent of adults are lactose intolerant. That means you cannot drink the cow's milk without getting a bloated stomach or diarrhea due to the lactose or natural sugar molecules the milk like me, you, him, and her. This is common sense stuff which is provided inside your personal instruction manual too, which is called the Holy Bible. Amen."

Sister Eve sits inside pew number two with a smile. "Amen."

I lift and hold the object with a smile and a nod. "Thank you, Sister Eve. New subject. I like to start a listing of new subjects. This is a prettily colorful glossy six inches by six inches paper advertisement sent to me by mail. I am invited to buy for fifteen dollars a hard copy book with my child's name printed inside every dang page for fun. Ah. What was that sin called?"

Sister Eve sits inside pew one with a smile and a nod, "Vanity."

I nod with a smile. "Thank you, Sister Eve. This is the great USA with the great First Amendment of the US Constitution freedom of speech by vocal, written, or electronic means. Did I leave a method out? What foolish pride is thy seeing thy self written in a plot theme here? The ten kiddie books are themed adventure stories, such as, dinosaurs, princesses, race cars, ponies, and Santa Clause. Don't answer, folks. It's only reticule or ridicule. What will God ask you sitting in that fluffy chair at His desk about paying two hundred dollars for a set of stored vanity books for your child instead of spending that money feeding some homeless humans or stray animals?" I wad the paper and toss on the polished floor with a sneer. "I did not buy one. I'm good."

Sister Eve sits inside pew number four with a smile and a nod, "Amen."

"Let me summary here. Any and all visible or invisible angels are the indication of God's presence and faithfulness of His love to His people from the beginning of time to the end of fate of your soul. The universal truth angels are everywhere. If you want to connect to them, all you have to do is possess loving thoughts inside your heart organ plus your mental mind set. And they will come to you and be there for you. All you have to do is ask for their help, they will be there. Never doubt that they are sent to protect you and know that we are surrounded by angels all of the time. What have we learned today, good church people? You only wear one good pair of cowgirl boots to last you until eternity. You do not wear any makeup on your face, so you can spend your money helping the poor. You do not need to over eat, since you will be giving your extra food to aid the poor. You do not need to join an expensive fitness club, because you will be running around in your good worn working cowgirl boots, fixing stuff for the poorness, sickness, and homeless both humans and animals. You use God gifts, including your body frame, your hair color, your skin color, your big feet, and your big ugly nose. Eat to live for God. Fast to be closer to God. Pray, hay, and say for everything, everybody, and everyone and assist everyone, everybody, and everything, daily. Amen."

Sister Eve sits inside pew number four with a smile and a nod, "Amen."

"In the First Book of James, 1:1-4, Brother James sends his blesses to you with your trials and temptations. 'Pure joy, when you face trials of many kinds, because your faith is tested to produce perseverance. Perseverance makes you mature and complete.' Complete for what exactly, dude? The perseverance is needed for your soul to fight with Brother Jesus in the ultimate battle with great Satan-man and his demons. What do you think? We shall see."

Brother Adam sits inside pew number one with a smile and a nod, "Amen."

I smile. "Have your read all these trials that we face as God's people and must pass like a freaking tenth grade biology mid-test? In the First Book of James 1:2, 'if ya lack wisdom, ask God. If you are humble, take honor in your high position. If you are rich, practice humiliation.' Man and wo-man. God has got it in for the rich. 'God says do not tempt me. A tempted person is dragged into desire, then into sin, then into death.' Geez. 'Every good gift is from God. Be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to angry. Angry produces no righteousness that God wants, sees, and punishes.' Remember the last one, church people. 'Do not merely listen to His word but be blessed in doing His word.' Amen."

Brother Adam sits inside pew one with a smile and a nod. "Amen."

"Subject change. I listen to the radio, enjoying the music not the advertisements. And I watch television, enjoying some action adventure show but not particularly the advertisement for a product that I will never ever buy. Some of the ads are funny. Some are dumb. Some are cute. Some are entertaining. One catches my right eyeball. I see better in my right eye, being right dominated with a stronger muscle for handling a weapon, in case attacked. In this particular television advertisement, there is an old woman talking about saving money for your future upcoming retirement. Your retirement is for you. Nay, I say."

Sister Eve sits inside pew number one and shakes her curls with a sour frown. "I disagree with your rambling nonsense, when it does not apply to our personal instruction manual." She holds up the Bible with a smile and a nod.

"And when Sister Eve presents only her point of view?" Sister Eve sits inside pew number four with a frown, crossing her arms without the Holy Bible.

Sister Eve sits inside pew number eight with a sour frown. "And most of her lecture is her personal point of view. Let me give you the American definition of retirement, Sister Eve. When an elderly person has worked their entire life paying for a house, a car, and a college education for their kids, they deserve a rest until the day the Lord takes them into heaven," smiling.

I frown. "Brother Jesus worked until He died on the cross judged and murdered by a person, not a piece of paper."

Brother Adam sits inside pew number six with a smile and a nod. "Amen."

I say with a stern face. "Brother Peter worked until he died on the cross judge and murdered by a person, not a piece of paper."

Sister Eve sits inside pew number three with a smile and a nod. "Amen."

I say with a stern face. "The Holy Bible told you that Brother Jesus and Brother Peter worked, preaching God's wonderful blessings until the day both of them died. The human television advertisement wants you to save your pennies and nickels, since we all know that the evil material possession ain't coming with us into heaven. God don't like evil material possessions. The advertisement suggests that you plan for your lovely future without hardship or stress and to enjoy the fun times while other hard working Christians go without food, medicines, and blankets during the cold bitty wintertime. So when you finally retire from your working career, you sit on your lazy ass, eating a bowl of potatoes chips and watching television twenty four hours, 365 days until the hour you die of a freaking heart attack inside a soft warm blanket. Is that your point of view, Sister Eve?"

Brother Adam sits inside pew number six with a smile and a nod. "Yes."

I lift and hold two fingers near my smile. "Two words, false prophets. Brother Jesus has warned us. 'Watch out for false prophets. They come to you in sheep's clothing but are ferocious wolves' in the Book of Matthew 7:15. May I share my personal experience as a Christian living on joyful earth?"

Sister Eve sits inside pew number one with a smile and a nod, "Go on, Sister Eve."

"I lived through that ice and snowstorm a couple of months ago, when the snow hit and people fled into their cars. Drivers were absolutootly crazy nuts. They drove their cars straight through the red colored traffic lights, trying to reach a major highway for going home. Cars would stop in the middle of the traffic intersection, blocking all cars that were heading east to west or north to south routes. Crazy folks. You would have thought that the drivers saw the four horsemen of the Apocalypse, who were shooting a set of individual laser beams from the roof top of City Hall. I was inside my car. I did not run a red traffic light for stop, not go.

"I wanted to go home too. I had a full time of gas, but no one would let me onto the busy highway. No one. There was a spot where I could have edged the nose of my big car into the empty space, when a mean driver pulled right in front of me, blocking me and my car. I was so mad, rolling down the window in eleven degree weather, cussing and yelling at the man. Get this shit. The man had gray hair. I know that fucking bastard was not leaving his work employment to save his young children inside an elementary school from freaking ice and snow. All the people everywhere were acting like assholes, totally and honestly."

"Time for home." Sister Eve stands from her seat in pew number four and points down with a smile and a nod at her designer wrist watch. "Six o'clock on the dot. There will be no more talk of dying or dead. Let us all go back home. Put our little ones to bed. Our big ones to work. And say our nightly prayers of thank you to God and Jesus."

6:09 p.m.

I smile and a nod. "The internet has everything. I saw this blog. You can judge yourself, if you will go straight to hell or up to heaven. Of course, I picked heaven. Can a machine tell the future? Can you tell your future?"

Brother Adam sits inside pew number six with a smile and a nod, "Naw."

I say with a stern face. "Tell me, twice? What happens when you die and ascend up to heaven? Your guardian angel becomes a tattle tail on your crappy life on planet Earth. Then you meet with God and His son Jesus and the spying Holy Spirit, who acts like a mobile telephone for all verbal and mental messages. Because Almighty God and Brother Jesus are so freaking holy that you cannot see, touch, taste, or burp on Their slick shiny white robes. But that's okay with you, right, church people?"

Sister Eve sits inside pew number three with a sour frown. "You're completely wrong as well as being competently rude, Sister Eve."

I point to each face with a stern face. "You passed your trials and temptations on planet Earth. Let us see, if we can count them suckers out for you today. You went to church, at least on the days of Jesus' death on Easter and Jesus' birth on Christmas. That's twice. You gave ten bucks each week, because you needed all the other monies to pay for the two luxury cars first. Then you went back to work to get another ten bucks for next week's church basket of funding for the poor homeless. Then you helped out your street neighbor on a pretty sunny day three months ago, when his car wouldn't start. So you allowed him use your wife's cell phone, because you got the more expensive cell model. You tossed some dried stale bread ends at a couple of skinny starving dogs in an abandoned roadside, since you were always going back and forth to the grocery store for beer, hamburger meat, and ice cream before the start of the rival sporting game. You spent the pleasant afternoon with your good buddies, discussing Brother Jesus ever time the opposing football team scored against your home team. 'Jeezus, can't ya stop that quarterback?'

"And you did not get angry at anyone, especially your boss man. Since you ain't doing that puke work for that shitty assignment, because a new junior employee could finish both his and your job by the end of the week while making you look really great and suave." I smile with a nod. "Did I get it right, church people of Pointsville?"

Brother Adam sits inside pew number six with a sour frown, "Wrong."

I smirk. "From the moment of birth to the moment of death of your pathetic sorry-ass human life, your guardian angel is not only seeing and writing down every millisecond of your human life moments. Your guardian angel whispers it into your right eardrum, because the angel is ordered by God to guide your sorry-ass away and out from evil Satan's bad nasty ways. Your guardian angel whispers into your right eardrum something like: Do not do that, buddy.' Right?"

Brother Adam sits inside pew number six with a frown, "Wrong."

I smirk. "God has warned you to hear and yield your guardian angel's advice as stated in the personal instruction manual, the Holy Scriptures. Because a guardian angel's message is binding, can't tear it apart, take it into earth court, or argue it by a human lawyer in front of a human judge. Your ear is filled with the words of your guardian angel which are binding and making you punished for...e.v.e.r.y...violation and disobedience rule broken from the Holy Scriptures. Geez. Because, the Holy Scriptures, the spying angel, and the bloody and beaten death of Brother Jesus, and the eternal love of God will save your soft butthole from the pits of fiery hell by granting your sorry-ass salvation."

Sister Eve sits inside pew number four with a sour frown. "I don't like your angel tale, Sister Eve. I'm fumed and finished with your improper language in front of the young pre-teens."

I smirk. "In my analogy, the human has committed lots of transgressions. What is God, Brother Jesus, and the Holy Spirit going to do with your sorry-ass? Toss ya in heaven's study hall, reading up on the Holy Scriptures with Saint Paul as your tutor? Naw. Or toss you ass in heaven jail for being a fool while waiting on D-day? Naw. Or make you do 1,001 pushups for being dull or dense or dumb about God's grace and mercy of your earth bound brothers, sisters, and animals, not reading your personal instruction manual?"

Brother Adam sits inside pew number six with a smile and a nod, "Naw."

Sister Eve sits inside pew number two with a frown. "You do not know. I do not know. We do not know the answers to your posed questions. Therefore, we must wait to see what God does, Sister Eve."

I smirk. "I do not see, as much as, hear and read. God does not like fibbers, adulterers, murderers, thieves, or busybodies. He says all that and more inside the Holy Scriptures, one of the best selling novels on planet Earth. God does not want the assholes in heaven, singing with the sweet cherubim or eating straw with the lion cubs that are slewed for shit and giggles by mean old greedy and vane humans. So God returns your ass back down to His only single oxygen-enriched life sustaining atmosphere in the entire Milky Way galaxy. His creation called Earth in the life form of a newborn babe. Then you, asshole gets another whack at trying to be a good Christian or acting like another asshole again."

Sister Eve jabs a finger with a sour frown at the new female preacher. "You don't know if that's how it works in heaven or hell by Almighty God. You're just making up stuff to scare us along with our precious youth members, Sister Eve."

Brother Adam stands sits inside pew number three with a frown. "Stop it, young lady."

I smile with a nod. "I am not scaring you. I am warning you. Tell me? Why are God's people greedy for more money? Why do God's people pride with committing murders of both children and elders? Why are God's people lazily sloth without physically working for their greedy money? Why are God's people spitting in your eyeball for fucking fun? Why do God's people stick their noses up another's butthole for meanness? Why have God's people ignore free salvation to save the soul? Why do God's people not read and follow the personal instruction manual with all the printed Holy Scriptures?"

The teen Sister Eve sits inside pew number two with a nod and a confused frown. "God only knows those answers, Sister Eve."

I raise and wave my arms with a smile and a nod. "O. O. O. Brother Jesus is coming back, ya'll. Then Brother Jesus will unmercifully whack off all the skulls of evil doers on planet Earth. Because, this is where all the evil doers will be hanging out and lunching on tasty baby lamb chops and fine white wine. Because, God does not allow assholes into heaven ever, never, foreverly more. He does not want 'em, keep 'em, or house 'em. When you die and ascend to His heaven, you will pow-wow with the Big Badass Chief. If you are a good brave soul, then you get stay with the lamb, wolf, and Brother Jesus. Then you get to become a warrior angel and fight with Archangel Michael against that evil villain badass Satan.

"However, if you are an asshole, then you get your tail-hole tossed back down to trashy planet Earth with the rest of the other assholes while partying, lying, cheating with other assholes forever more. This is the asshole theory."

The door opens.

I turn and watch the black shadows close around all the church pews.

"What's so funny, Sister Eve?" Sister Eve stands inside pew number two, turning and watching the black shadows with a confused brow. "Who are all these people inside our church?"

"God's church to save souls for heaven." I smile with a nod.

Brother Adam stands inside pew six with a worried brow. "They got real hand guns too."

I turn and smile at the closest black shadow, who wears a face mask, "Yeah. They do. They are sweet servants."

Sister Eve stands inside pew number two, looking at all the masked shadows with their guns with a worried brow. "What...what's going on here, Sister Eve?"

I laugh. "You sound like a barn owl hoot. Each one is the asshole that has gotten kicked out of heaven by God for being so bad the first, second, third, and up to the hundredth round of his or her reincarnated sorry souls." I turn and smile at each shadow. "These are my handsome and deadly killers, who keep returning back down to planet Earth, since they like to kill for fun. They like to serve as the being evil doers working for Satan."

Sister Eve sobs inside pew six with her tears. "Why are you doing this, Sister Eve? What's the reason?"

I laugh with a smirk. "The reason, life right here on planet Earth is not about the killing or the stealing or the having. Your precious life form is about God and God's wonderful gifts to you like the sunshine, the rain, the flowers, the animals, and the other smelly men, women, and children, who can't stop beating and bleeding on each other."

Sister Eve sits down inside pew number six with a sour frown. "You can't judge us. We all work our job and for God. We do the right thing about obeying laws, authority, and reaping what you sew."

I frown. "Translation: for the lazy assholes, please. You want an ease life, so you do not work hard in reaping and raping the natural resources on planet Earth. You do not get it. This is a place and a test. It is a test of your faith, your faith of God. He watches. He knows. He sees everything but still you disobey, disagree, and destruct each other plus all lovely furry critters and green plants around you that He made. You all disguise me." I turn and mouth spit upon the polished wooden floor.

Brother Adam sits inside pew number six and jabs a finger at the new female preacher with a sneer. "Ya right, darling! This is a just a physical building in a fixed space. But God is everywhere. God is in here." He slaps his heart with a smile. "I can speak with God anytime and anywhere in my bedroom, in my bathroom, in my bathing shower, and peeing on the toilet. And I believe that God gets mad at you, too. When you finally die, He will toss your ass into heaven's jail which is called hell, making you, the last asshole. That's my personal asshole theory, bitch."

I view the pews of church people and lift, placing my two index fingers on top of my skull and wiggle them like a pair of devil's horn. I stick out my tongue out and stop, dropping my arms with a grin. "Ya called me right, Brother Adam. I am a bad evil doer. Kill 'em!"

Sister Eve sits inside pew number two with a sob of her tears. "My daughter's inside the church nursery downstairs. I'm a mom. I can't leave my daughter here alone on Earth by her precious self."

I laugh, "Awe! So sweet! But, I am afraid to report to the good church people of Pointsville that all the little children inside the church nursery are dead now."

"No..." sobs Sister Eve inside pew number four with her tears.

"Yes." I smile with a nod. "You all get to go back to heaven like I have plotted and planned." I swing my body to the side door and turn back to see the pews of church people. "Listen up, folks. To get out of the asshole loop, you must be goody-good like Brother Jesus. Brother Jesus lived here on planet Earth too without money, food, shelter, and clothing. The Holy Man didn't even bathe His nasty smelly body. Ain't you supposed to follow the life of Brother Jesus? Ain't Brother Jesus the really important role model rather than a popular musical singer or a busy bee billionaire or pretty Hollywood film starlet or even a head of a government state?

"Don't be sad or glad! You are all returning and coming right back to planet Earth, once you are done with your individual pow-wow with God. He ain't going to be happy to see some of your smiling faces, except for Brother Adam in pew number six. He has served his purpose and found peace within his soul, overcoming his fleshy skin. He will not be returning back to Earth but working for God in heaven." I wink at him.

Brother Adam inside pew number six jabs a finger with a sneer at the new female preacher. "Then I hope I get to face you with pick axe in a right hand and a twelve-gauge shotgun in the left. Whoever in the hell you really are, Sister Evil doer?"

I blew a kiss for fun with a smile. "Hmm! Brother Michael likes aggressive angels. You're a warrior for shore. And that's a date, honey. You and me in your celestial future. And who am I? Everyone knows me." I swing to the side door as an array of firing bullets leave a set of cold barrels, burning into many layers of pink flesh and white bones. I hear the whamp, whamp and then the moans, as usual.

6: 10 p.m.

Church Nursery

I trot down the steps into the church nursery. The walls are painted with a picture of Noah's Ark, zillions of animals, a tone of pine trees, and a water pond full of ducklings, "They are so quiet and precious." I smile with a nod at each dying kid as the red blood drains over their set of baby clothes, their tiny pair of baby hands, and the bare naked wooden floor.

They rest in a circle, cross-legged and crossed-eyeballed looking up to see the ceiling with a coloring book in one hand and a colored crayon in the other. They were coloring delightful outlines of animals, boats, forests, and people in a set of long robes, when my team of assassins snuck up cutting a throat with a hunting knife.

I stomp forward and hit an object with smile and a wink, "Dallas, darling! You're looking very sexy today."

Dallas, once a fallen angel, now a faithful angel of six feet and seven inches, a mesomorph body type, a set of board shoulders, a head of straight blonde colored hair with a set of bangs, a heart-shaped, a pair of precious baby blues eyeballs, and a tone of olive tinted skin, addresses in a sexy playfully baritone trombone. "Eve!" He bows a chin with a set of heavenly good angel manners with a smile of Eve.

Bo stomps forward in a pair of crimson red cowboy boots and stops beside the nose profile of Dallas. Bo is a warrior angel, who stands at six feet and six inches with a pair of shredded white tinted jeans. A white T-shirt covers a set of ripped bulging biceps. He possesses a head of black colored with bright blue shimmering naturally wavy hair on the left side with a jaw line of black tinted whiskers, dusting a peachy-pale handsome face, and a pair of dreamy baby blue eyes. Bo turns with a sour frown to see the nose profile of Dallas. "Aw, man! Do you really know her?"

I say with a wink and a smile to Bo and then Dallas. "Some decades ago, we knew each other, very well. Where have you been hiding, Dallas sweetie? We met when Dallas was a hu-man right after his gracious fall as a faithful angel. I'm very surprised to see you in the company of the goody-good angels, Dallas."

Dallas looks down with a smile to see his pair of polished baby blue alligator cowboy boots and then looks up with a smirk to see Eve. "Man! And how I wished that I was a faithful angel back then, so I could stab my flaming sword right between your big t..."

"Are we going to play mind games all day long or what?" Argus taps a fighting sword against his leg with a sour frown interrupting the love fest between Eve and Dallas. He dresses in a white T-shirt underneath his battle gear of a white sleeveless vest and a pair of white tinted ripped jeans, standing at six feet and six inches with a head of white-blonde hair which is parted on the right side, a square face of tawny gold, and a pair of baby blue eyes.

"Argus is impatient as ever." I turn and wink at Argus while knowing the young babe, since the beginning of time and space.

Dallas charges forward with a drawn sword and a loud sneer. Bo twirls around and then slid sideways blocking Dallas from Eve while ordering with a stern face. "You, go and get the children out the burning building, Dallas."

Dallas stands in place with a sniffing action with a worried brow while bad breathing into Bo's face. "The building's burning, Bo."

Bo shoves Dallas away with a sour frown and then turns staring at each dead biological body shell on the innocent child. "I just told ya that, Dallas. Go and get all the kids outta of the burning building and back into heaven!"

"Naw! I get Eve first and last." Dallas swiftly shoves ahead and then violently slams into Bo for a second time with a loud growl.

Bo shoves Dallas away with a sneer for a second time, "Naw! I get Eve. Since, you're too personal and too close to the bad babe. Do as I say with a smile with a nod, Dallas!"

Dallas sneers at his brotherly angel. "You ain't my ward, Bo."

"Do as I say with a smile and a nod, Dallas!" Argus moves forward with a sneer toward Bo, Dallas, and Eve.

Dallas turns and jabs a finger at the nose profile of Argus with a laugh and a nod. "That's really good! Bo throws his voice and then the words come out of Argus' mouth. Do it again, Bo?"

Argus moves ahead with a chuckle as Bo turns and marches with his angel brother. Argus orders as the first born son of Archangel Michael. "Dallas, haul your bee-hind out that door, now. And don't forget the souls of the innocent children."

I stand and whip out my sword, striking nothing and stare up at the ceiling. "Where's that fucking Virgin?"

The Virgin Mary appears on the floor and dresses in a white suit of long pants, a jacket, and a blouse with a thick collar bow around a neck with a head of long brown hair and a smile. "I am here, Eve." She lifts up her cupped hand and produces a pinkish-silver flaming sword.

I grin. "Virgin Mary, you decided to pop your ass out of the bedroom, this time. Please, tell me the honest heavenly truth, girl best? Does it feel really good being able to fuck your man like a wife?"

The Virgin Mary meekly says. "Eve, I will not allow you to take any more souls of innocent children or adults like you did a couple of years ago."

I laugh. "O poo. You missed that heavenly office memo. Huh, Mary? Next time, shall I email it or fax it? What's your cell number, sweetie?"

"Bo..." says the Virgin Mary, moving forward in the middle of the line-up of heavenly angels to the row of demons between Eve.

Bo turns and views the Virgin Mary with a stern face, "Yes ma'am."

The Virgin Mary orders with a stern face. "I'm taking out this bitch. Bo, please help Dallas with the little children. The death angels are retrieving all the newly deceased inside the church's auditorium. My Son is waiting to begin His evaluation meeting with all the new soul transfers. Guardian angels form up on my right with Brother Adam and all the warrior angels on my left with Angel Argus. Let's tumble them damned demons back down to hell, ya'll," grinning.

First born son of God, Adam moves beside the Virgin Mary with a nod and a stern face, staring at Eve, "Yes ma'am."

Dallas turns and smiled at the kids. "Shore, Mary!" He dashes ahead to the tiny white souls of all the dead children. "Hey, kids! Do you wanna ride a big bird?" He slides down on both kneecaps and pops out a set of gleaming black silky wings, which are outlined in baby blue.

"I want my mama," sobs the young child soul.

Dallas leans over and hugs the little child soul into his chest with a smile. "And I am going to take you to see both your mom and your dad. Wrap your arms around my neck, sweetheart?"

The young child soul sobs. "I scary. I want my mama."

Dallas cuddles the child soul, grabbing a second child soul into his chest with a smile and a nod. "Don't be scary, darling. We are heavenly angels."

"Angels?" The young child soul climbs onto the arm of Dallas.

Dallas loads more of child souls over both arms and both wings for the final flight into heaven. "We come from heaven."

The young child soul smiles at Dallas. "I go and see Brother Jesus."

Dallas chuckles. "Yeah, sugar! You can give Brother Jesus a big wet kiss on the cheekbone. He likes that a lot." Then Bo and Dallas stand upright from the floor and swiftly float up to and then through the solid white ceiling, disappearing with all the innocent child souls from the church nursery.

I turn and view the Virgin Mary with a smile and a nod. "Mary had a little lamb. Its fleece was white as snow. Then one day, Mary came home. The snow had melted into the red hot lava pit in Satan's hell."

The Virgin Mary sneers and then attacks Eve with the ancient but honorable professional of sword fighting.
Epilogue

Hell location

Infinity time with lots of space

I materialize down into the darkness of a dank cave which is located outside the desert dry countryside within the United States of America, where my throat immediately thirsts for a tall glass of refreshing sparkling water. I see a lonely man. I immediately kneel on one kneecap with worship and honor and a happy smile, "Baby, I'm home."

Satan sits inside a soft chair reading silently the tiny screen on his mobile telephone and looks up with a smile to see Eve. "I can see that. Do you wanna eat an apple or two before dinner?" He lifts up a palm and then materializes an apple with a laugh. Eve reaches over and grabs the apple, eating it, standing upright from the cave floor with a laugh. He looks down to read the mobile telephone screen again. "How was your day at work, dear?"

I move ahead and chew the juicy apple with a smile, sitting next to Satan on top of the red tinted armrest on the oversized chair and lean over, kissing his cheekbone and pull back with a wink and a grin. "I recruited a few more sinners from the morning's activities until pure Mary and her black sheep came along busting up my fun."

"White sheep, dear," he chuckles.

"I do believe they're wrong. Hate loves allies." I laugh.

He continued to read the mobile telephone with a smile. "A few more added to my growing army of badass demons. And it is time for your monthly visit."

I roll my eyes and then look back down at his cute nose profile. "Can't you call him for me, darling? I do note that you enjoy using the human invention mobile telephone, which is nicknamed that very confusing word, cell. Call him, please? Tell him I can't come over this month! But, I'll see him, next month."

Satan looks up with a sour frown and then leans over, kissing her pair of chapped lips coming from the dry heat inside the hidden cave and stands on a pair of naked feet in front of the big plasma television monitor. "You need to be go, Eve. He keeps interrupting my porn show with his fucking-ass pretty set of white teeth. I'm learning some new love techniques just for us, lamb."

I lean over and kiss his pair of soft lips, pulling back with a sour frown and a nod.
Heaven location

Pearly Gates entrance setting

I appear in heaven.

"Hi Eve," Saint Pete opens both of the pearly gates into heaven with a smile and a nod to her.

I move ahead over the fluffy clouds on a pair of naked toe bones with a smile and a nod, "Hey, Pete!"

"Are you visiting your daddy today?" Pete guards the gates of heaven with a smile and a flaming sword, only for the good souls to enter into heaven.

I chuckle. "That time of month, when I'm required to bleed." I purposefully stumble into stationary Brother Jesus. He stands in his white battle gear consisting of a sleeveless vest, a short-sleeved T-shirt, and a pair of white ripped jeans. His shoulder length black hair bounces at the jaw line that is dusted in a set of black whiskers with a pair of sad brown tinted eyeballs for Eve. I stop and smile with a nod to my brother Jesus, "Hi, bro!"

Brother Jesus leans over and hugs Eve, pulling back with a smile. "Hello, Eve! I hope that you are staying for a long while with us here in heaven, foreverly."

I shake my curls with a smile, "No go, big bro! Just visiting daddy for a shorter while."

Brother Jesus smiles with a pair of sad eyeballs. "Go in peace, Sister Eve."

I snort with a smile. "Yeah. Why not?" I move forward through the open door with a yell, "Daddy!"

Almighty God appears out from thin air, standing in front of Eve with a smile and a nod. "Eve! I love you, child." He leans over and hugs her, pulling back with a touch of glowing love.

I smile with a nod. "I'm here. What's up, Daddy?"

Almighty God asks for the zillionth time to his first born daughter Eve. "I am hoping that you have some particular words to express to me."

I shake my curls with a sour frown. "Naw!"

Almighty God leans over and hugs Eve again, pulling back with a smile and a nod. "So, you can here to visit and amuse me for a short spell, then."

I back step with a set of crossed arms and a sour frown. "I'm the first born asshole, who was tossed out from your flower and fruit garden paradise while making a flashy-trashy living on your leased property which is called Planet Earth, Daddy. Your kids down there on Planet Earth really do need a good butt-whipping with an olive tree branch or maybe an alligator belt." I smile to Almighty God, my life eternal Dad.

Almighty God chuckles with a grin. "These are not the words that I was hoping for, Eve."

I back step further from him and near the open archway with a sour frown. "Well, these are the words that you are getting from me, Non-Man," giggling. "See ya, next month! Bye, Daddy! I love you, Daddy." I swing around from Almighty God with a sour frown and stroll ahead toward the open archway.

Almighty God exhales with a puff of hope. "I love you, too, Eve."

Brother Jesus stands outside the open archway with a smile and a nod to Sister Eve, moving ahead, entering into the office of his dad Almighty God. He waits until Eve exits the heavenly gates, saying with a sour frown. "What are we going to do about Eve, Dad? She interferes with all of your children's Free Will down on your property of Planet Earth."

Almighty God smiles with a nod. "I have pondered and pondered for the right action. I believe that I have postulated the right plot, but I wanna share my idea with you and the others." He moves ahead and stops, standing inside the archway with a yell and a smile. "Brother Adam, could you and the Angel of Death please come in here for an impromptu meeting? Thank you!"

## This is not the end of you.

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