I've been thinking
about this, too.
Father's Day
is the worst holiday
in the world.
I've done the research.
I already know.
Let me tell you something.
Mother's Day
is the second-most celebrated
holiday in the world.
Christmas is first.
So, it's...
That means it's Jesus,
then your mama.
You know where Father's Day
fall at?
Number 20.
I can't think
of 18 other holidays.
(laughter)
Do you realize
Halloween is number six?
So, that means
ghosts and goblins
go before fathers?
Arbor Day is number 13.
I don't even know
what that is.
I just know it come
before me.
That's crazy.
Columbus Day is number 16.
Celebrating Columbus Day
is like celebrating somebody
finding money in your house.
Where you get that $50 from?
I discovered it
in your kitchen.
Ridiculous!
Father's... and I...
and it's mothers' fault,
it's mothers' fault,
'cause see,
when Mother's Day come around,
fathers go
in their pocket deep.
Go in their pocket deep.
Hey, I want to get my mama
something, you...
cash that money out.
You know what mothers do?
"Hey, I want to get
Daddy something.
"Well, go in that car,
there's some change
in my little cup holder
in there."
Don't nobody even have a sale
for Father's Day--
who has a Father's Day sale?
Mother's Day sale,
it's like 30 of them.
Everybody have
Mother's Day sale.
Don't nobody have
no Father's Day sale.
Who has M--
Father's Day sale?
The Dollar Store.
That's how you get water hose
and jumper cables
for Father's--
And the store's notice,
'cause now, the store got
a little trick for fathers.
They make little packages,
where they, it's a little box.
It give you suspenders,
socks, and a shirt.
One box.
And you know what kids do?
They give you that stuff
throughout the year.
They give that shirt
for Father's Day,
them socks for your birthday,
and then they just randomly
give you something else
as, you know,
they think about it.
It's crazy.
Father's Day sucks.
And I'm a father.
I did all this work
to be a father,
for it to suck.
