

### Solo Elite

### The Great Awakening

Joshua Dobbs

~~~

### DEDICATION

This book is dedicated to my sister Robin Diane Dobbs. To my mother Diane Dobbs, let this book bring you peace that Robin is alive in all of us.

# CONTENTS

Acknowledgments

Dear Diary

1 Hard Days

2 It Could Be Worse

3 Teddy

4 Deep Within

5 Where Am I?

6 Could It Be?

7 Sore Feet

8 Abigail

9 Into The Belly

10 What Now?

11 Fuzzy Head

12 A New Beginning

13 Cooties

14 No Time To Waste

Robin

#  ACKNOWLEDGMENTS

First and foremost I would like to thank Jesus Christ for the love and compassion I receive every second of the day. To my mother for showing the love of Christ in the flesh and for being my best friend. To my Father for bestowing me with the stubbornness to not give up on life or this book. To my sisters, even though we might not always get along, we will always carry a bond. To my beautiful wife Emma and to my beautiful daughter Abigail, you are the reason I strive to better myself, I love you all.

#  Dear Diary

December 14, 2010

Being in the fifth grade wasn't easy for me; heck, being me, for that matter, wasn't easy for me. You see, I was the one who got all the stares at school, but not because I was the pretty one or even famous but because I was the "weird girl." No one ever said it out loud, but the whispers and stares were loud enough. Many of the other kids believed that sitting next to me or even drinking water from the fountain after me would somehow get them sick. I couldn't relate to any of the other girls in school—or kids in general for that matter—and there weren't that many in my school anyway, especially in the small town of Davilla, Texas, population 1,300.

Every day was a battle for me to get up, to face the world—that is until a few weeks ago when my life completely changed forever.

This is my story, a story of where I've been and where I'm going. This place that I'm talking about is far from anything ordinary, a place where I'm not limited by the laws of this physical world or by any of my insecurities; my role there is of a great importance. I bring hope to the people of Kenosh and fear to the hearts of the evil with just the very sound of my name. My name is Robin, and I am known as Solo Elite.

#  1 Hard Days

November 20, 2000, was the day I was born. Since my conception the odds were against me and would pretty much set the theme for how my life would be. I was born two months premature and had caught pneumonia within days and spent the first few months inside an incubator with breathing tubes. The doctors had told Mama and Daddy that the odds were against me and that I most likely wouldn't live, but I've always been stubborn, and, as you can see, I'm still here.

For the next five years the hospital had become my second home because of my breathing problems. I was too sick for kindergarten, so Mama would read to me, and we would color for hours. I told her that she was fun to color with, but I needed someone new, and so she was fired. There were two wings in the children's ward: North and South. I stayed on the North side and knew my wing very well and had made a few friends.

One day at the hospital I had become restless and decided to sneak out and wander the halls. Until that day I had always stayed in my wing, but my desire to explore led me curiously down the other hall. I figured I'd see some children playing, just like we do on the North wing, but the sounds of the air-conditioning and the occasional beep from the machines connected to the patients were the loudest things in the building. If it wasn't for one particular door being open and the loud beeping coming from the machine in there, I may have not peeked in that room, but I'm glad I did.

His name was Teddy Palmer. He himself was battling an illness, only his illness was much more visible than mine. I asked his mother about him; she told me that he was sick. Later I found out it was leukemia. I asked if it would be OK to visit him every once in a while. She thought Teddy could use a friend to lift his spirits and said I could. When I did visit, I wore a mask to protect us both. Teddy and I became very close in a short while.

Even though I missed being in my own bed at home, upon my release from the hospital, it was hard for me to leave Teddy, but his mother had given me his phone number to keep in contact for now. I'm glad his mother did; school would be my next greatest test, and I would surely need an open ear to vent to.

***

August 25, 2006

First grade—this would be the psychological death of me. Mama had told me that kids at my age would be much nicer and wouldn't care about the way I breathe or make fun of my glasses; however, that wasn't the case. Walking through the door, I could hear and see the kids conversing and laughing, when suddenly my shoe squeaked against the tile, making a loud chirping sound. Everyone looked at me and paused in silence. It was only my first day, and I could already tell by the mean looks from some of the girls that they were going to make sure that my life would be a certain kind of hell for the next twelve years.

I homed in on an empty seat and darted for it and slumped down, trying not to make eye contact with anyone. Unfortunately it wasn't long afterward that I was pelted in the back of the head with wads of paper. The culprit's name was Heather Crystal; yes, you heard that right. Heather Crystal. She was the ringleader, the one throwing the paper. The name sounded innocent enough, but I'm pretty sure this girl was the spawn of Satan.

I had already been through so much that there was no way this stuck-up little brat was going to get to me. She didn't know who she was messing with, and I'm glad I did what I did. Without even thinking twice, I stood up and marched over to her and clobbered her nose. Heather buried her bloody nose in her shirt and was escorted to the nurse by the teacher and Heather's followers. I was sent to the principal and labeled a bad kid from that day on.

Yet I had established respect from the other kids, but still even that did not detour Heather from trying to inflict years of torture on me. The first few years of school flew by, and, by the time I was in fourth grade, the kids had formed posses, from the popular kids to losers, nerds to special, and then there was me. I floated around unnoticed, belonging nowhere, but that was not by choice. School had become harder; life had become harder.

Fortunately for me, I had kept in contact with Teddy, which gave me the strength to get through each and every day. He was my lifeline, and, although it did help to have someone to blow off steam to, I was just about ready to have a nervous breakdown. Teddy must have sensed it in my voice, because something amazing happened in fourth grade. Teddy had persuaded his parents to move to Davilla and rent the house next door to me. Teddy had told me that it didn't take much persuasion because he was sick of the hospital, and he needed a fresh start, and they wanted to give him whatever mental boost he needed.

I figured he was going to be homeschooled or something, but they had even gone so far as enrolling him in my school, in hopes to normalize him with the rest of the kids. Unfortunately, as I had been, Teddy was also immediately labeled an alien, but finally I had someone to walk the halls with and to sit with at lunch. Life had become a little more bearable then, and, though we weren't popular with the rest of the kids, at least we had each other's backs.

I tried to always stand up for him, but the bullying became too much for him, and his parents decided that it would be best to homeschool him. As rough as it was without Teddy, I could still look forward to seeing him at the end of the school day. On top of being alone once more, I still had to deal with Heather and her friends. I somehow survived the rest of the year and spent the entire summer with Teddy, which was the best summer I ever had. I had so much fun that it wasn't long before it was time to go back to school and to face fifth grade alone.

#  2 It Could Be Worse

School had started, and surprisingly fifth grade wasn't what I'd expected it to be. Within several days I had made a few friends who didn't fall under any category to label, but, for the first time, I felt like things were finally working out for me. Heather Crystal stuck to giving mean stares at lunch for now, but I hadn't had to punch anyone yet, so that's a major milestone for me. I actually wanted to go to school; I did, however, miss a few days when I had a doctor's checkup. Sometimes after my checkups, Mama would even let me have the choice to stay home the rest of the day. It would often surprise her when I chose to go back to school, and, most of the time, I would—unless I had something extremely important to do, like swing from a tree or jump a ramp made out of my school books.

***

November 20, 2010

"Robin! Get up and get dressed and come eat! You cannot miss another day of school!"

I could hear Mama calling me from the kitchen like she does every school morning. The aroma of hickory smoked bacon filled my room as I peeled my face from my wet pillow. My stomach grumbled at me to get up, yet, like any other school day, I wanted to sleep in, but Mama would always be persistent.

Mama was a kind and soft-spoken God-fearing woman who was surviving as a single parent. Her eyes were always heavy and red from working the night shift, but she still somehow managed to take care of me and my grandpa. I used to love to sit in my room and pretend Daddy was here while I watched TV. Mama didn't care too much for the house; she and Daddy had bought it together when they first got married in hopes of raising a big family.

After Daddy left, the house seemed to be much smaller. Mama didn't seem to smile as often, but she always reminded me how much the two of them loved me and that what happened between them wasn't my fault. She always made sure I knew I was her everything but told me I could be a little stubborn, like Daddy was, but still wouldn't trade me for the world. Mama knew that I loved her and loved to be home with her and loved to explore the woods behind the house. Sometimes she would explore with me, even if she had worked the night before.

Sneaking down the stairs, I stopped about halfway and debated whether or not I should do what I was about to do. "Screw it." I ran for the back door and snatched it open and made the best biggest splash ever with an epic cannonball into the pool. I knew it wasn't the smartest idea—being that it was freezing outside and I would surely get sick—but it would prolong going to school, and that was all the reasoning I needed. It's not that I didn't like school. It's just, making an adventurous soul stay indoors is flat-out wrong—cruel really—not to mention most of the kids at school were jerks.

Anyway, I guess Mama had been so busy cooking and had frankly been too tired to see me that she completely missed me sneaking out behind her. Only my elegant door-opening skills, not to mention the cannonball, caught her attention. Jumping in the ice-cold water did not bother me as much as you might think because I must have been a fish in my past life. Crossing my arms over my legs, I sank peacefully to the bottom, like a rock. This was heaven. I could hear my dog, Edgar, barking at me through the chilly water.

Goose bumps rose along my skin from the chill of the water but, still no school, no learning, just frigid bliss. At least being down here separated me from the rest of world; deep in the waters there could be no school. It was my escape, but it was short-lived. Mama had walked to the back door and crossed her arms, leaning herself against the door frame and waiting for me to surface. I scrunched my nose and fought my hardest to prolong my stay, but, dang it, I had no choice but to come up for air and face the world. Mama was standing there, smirking, holding out her arms to me. Grabbing the rim of the pool, I pulled myself out and slid on my belly like a sea lion.

"Come on, sweetie. Let's get you warm," said Mama.

Shivering, I shuffled my feet into the house digging for a way to stay home. Looking up at Mama, I asked her, "Do you think God could make me into a fish?"

She kissed me on the head and said, "Even the fish have to go to school, baby."

After getting dry and thoroughly wrapped up, I came downstairs from my room. Passing Mama in the recliner, she handed me my glasses and told me to go on and eat before I missed the bus. So I shoveled my eggs from side to side on the plate while looking out the window, wishing it was already our school's winter break. The sound of Grandpa's almost-toothless mouth, gnawing on a piece of bacon, caught my attention.

"Well, teeth don't fail me now," said Grandpa as I turned and saw his greasy smile.

After Daddy left, Grandpa had moved in with Mama to keep her company, but I think Grandpa needed the company too. Grandpa's wife had passed away a few months before I had been well enough to leave the hospital, so Mama had asked him to move in with us. I don't remember exactly when he did, but I know, after I came home from the hospital, he had already been at our house for a while. Mama never really told me why Daddy left, but I think it had something to do with all the time Mama was at the hospital with me.

"Happy birthday, sunshine. I got something to help a little explorer like you," said Grandpa as he pulled out a twenty-dollar bill and what looked like a large silver locket.

"Oh, yeah. It is my birthday!"

With his shaky hands he gave me the money and placed the locket in front of me.

"You open it up like this," he said, his fingers fumbling to open it.

"Here, let me do it, Grandpa," I said, pressing the silver button on top, releasing the facing and revealing a compass.

"If you ever get lost, you'll be able to find your way back home to me," said Grandpa.

Kissing him on the top of his head, I told him thank-you and headed to the living room. When I got there, Mama was in a daze in the recliner. With Mama not having the energy to argue, I figured now would be the best time to ask her, "Mama, can't I just stay home with you, please?" I tried my best to pout with my lips.

Mama sighed and said, "OK, dear. It is your birthday, after all. Happy birthday, by the way, sweetie."

"Yes, Mama. It is, indeed, my birthday. Thank you for understanding!" I replied, feeling the need to reinforce her decision. I darted for the back door again.

"Stay in the backyard! And don't let Teddy Joe know you stayed home today. I'll have to call the school and tell them you have the flu or something! But, Robin, this is the last time for a long time! Do you hear me?"

But with the water still in my ears, what I heard was, _Robin, go get Teddy and go have fun because it's your birthday!_

"OK," I said on my mad dash for freedom.

#  3 Teddy

Teddy was always filthy—not because his parents didn't love him, but because he was a boy who was always playing in the dirt and always using his shirts as a napkin, and that's probably why we got along so well. Teddy Joe was the Palmers' only child. Teddy had always wanted a big brother to play with, but he told me that he had settled for me because I was bossy enough. I didn't understand everything about his sickness or why, on certain days, his parents wouldn't let him out. Maybe I didn't want to know.

_Clack, clack_. I could hear the sound of wood slapping together and snapping apart, coming from Teddy's yard across the fence. I cautiously walked over to the wooden fence and found a large crack big enough to see to the other side. Teddy was standing there by a tree, shouting and wearing a funny-looking hat. He was swinging a stick at the tree and yelling like a madman. I could hear him call out, " _Draw thy sword_!"

I laughed as Teddy swung wildly at the wind so seriously. He just looked so silly; how could I not laugh?

Teddy froze after he gave the final death blow. Unsure if he was being watched, he slowly turned around.

Standing here, I thought about Mama and what she had said. I knew she really had told me not to let Teddy know that I had stayed home today, so I looked back toward the house to see if Mama was watching me, but I could tell she was in a deep coma-like sleep in the recliner. She seemed so understanding, under the present circumstances, and I was sure I saw her nod her head, as if telling me, _Go. It's your birthday_. Turning again toward Teddy, I was met by his gaze staring back at me through the crack.

"Happy birthday, Robin," said Teddy.

"Holy crap, Teddy!" I screamed and stumbled over my feet and fell on my butt. I whispered angrily, "Teddy, you scared me. What is your deal?"

Teddy stood there staring with a big dumb blank look on his face, just staring; he stood there with his nose running and with his eyes wide open as he wiped his nose on his dingy shirt. He made me so mad that, if I could have punched him through the fence, I would have. But he had given me a necklace through the hole in the fence and had said once more, "Happy birthday." I couldn't stay mad at him, and that's how it always was with me and him. He always did something that irritated me that he was completely unaware of, but he was my friend and my only friend.

"Do you want to play with me, Robin?"

"Sure," I said as I dusted off my pants.

"Cool. I got something I really want to show you!" said Teddy, before abruptly disappearing.

I looked for any sign of Teddy, puzzled by his strange response, although he was a little bit on the weird side. Suddenly the fence shook violently, and I heard the strangest noise ever. It was an animal-like grunting noise, maybe the sound a gorilla stuck in tar would make. Looking to the left of me, I could see that Teddy had found a section at the end of the fence where he was trying to squeeze his way through and was dangling in midair. Seeing him flail around like a madman in a funny hat and dangling by his pants was straight-up comical. His belt loop was hung up on the fence and then snapped, making Teddy flop to the ground like a baby giraffe being born. I stood there in amazement that he was unfazed by the fall.

Teddy sprang up, unhurt, and said, "So what do you want to do? Wait, that's right! Do you want to walk down to the country store with me? My dad gave me five whole dollars!"

Like I said, Teddy was known for getting overly excited about dumb things. For a moment I thought about Mama and what she had told me, but she was asleep and would be for a long time. "Uh, why not?" I said.

Miss Honey's Country Store was a broken-down place with the only gas station in town, and I don't even think the pumps worked. There was an old gravel road that kinda ran alongside the main road. I think it must have been some sort of wagon trail at one point because there was an ancient wooden bridge beyond the cutaway and used to walk behind the gas station. I'm pretty sure Teddy and I were the only ones who knew about the old gravel road, which was more like a wooded trail now since the vegetation took over most of it.

Mr. Johnson's house was right at the dead end where the entrance to the trail was. His was the last house on my street. It was a bit scary to enter that way because Mr. Johnson had at least a dozen big dogs that would bark and nearly jump over the fence to get us, but today we would avoid his house by cutting across the woods. The only way to do this was to use a trail behind my house that Teddy and I had carved out last summer. It would lead straight to the end of the gravel road near the gas station but would also add an extra fifteen minutes to the route. At least we wouldn't have to take the chance of getting mauled to death by dogs.

The cooking being done in the store always smelled so good from down the road, but neither Teddy nor I ever had any real money to get anything other than a few pieces of candy. After we finally made it through the woods, we went to the front door of the country store. As we walked in, we were confronted with a heavy cigarette smoke smell mixed with the smells of old grease on the hot grill.

"No school today?" said the old lady behind the counter while knocking the ashes from her cigarette.

"No, ma'am. Not today," I said while Teddy hid quietly behind me.

The old lady paused for a moment, standing there and squinting. "OK. What will it be, sweetheart? It's a little early for lunch, but I'll see what I can do for ya."

I nervously replied, "Two cheeseburgers and two Cokes, please."

The old woman took a final drag off her cigarette before heading to the kitchen. Teddy and I looked at each other, both a little nervous and a little unsure about what to do next.

Up until then we had never stayed more than a minute or two. I walked over to the booth in the corner closest to an old TV that was always on the news station, Teddy soon followed, sitting right beside me. Suddenly the front door opened, and the smoked poured out, and in walked Mr. Johnson, who then turned and picked up a newspaper. He smiled and waved at us, and took a seat a few tables down. I didn't say much because I was afraid that Mr. Johnson would realize that I wasn't in school today, but he was too busy reading his newspaper to notice.

"Here are your burgers and Cokes, kiddos," said the old lady while holding the tray and shaking.

Teddy and I both said thank-you and ate slowly, waiting on Mr. Johnson to leave. We waited for at least an hour, but finally Mr. Johnson left, which meant it was safe for us to leave.

"Oh, man, I'm stuffed," said Teddy as we walked out the door.

We both were way too full to attempt the long journey home through the makeshift trail, so we decided that we would take our chances with Mr. Johnson's dogs and walk down the old gravel road. Teddy and I both headed behind the gas station with our to-go cups still in hand. The tree branches jabbed at our faces while the thorny vines hooked our clothing.

"OK, are you ready?" I asked Teddy.

Teddy nodded his head yes, and we set off down the gravel trail. Walking over the bridge, some of the smaller pieces of gravel fell through the cracks and splashed below.

"Teddy, wait," I said while pointing down the trail.

One of Mr. Johnson's dogs had gotten out and was now in the front yard barking at the garbage man.

"I'm not going down there, and, if we walk down the main road, I'll surely get caught by Sheriff Lynch," I said.

"Well then, we'll have to cut through here to get to our trail. It we walk to the real opening farther down, the dog will see us, and then we'll be Alpo for sure," said Teddy.

We found the clearest section beside the bridge and made our way to the water.

"If we follow this stream, it'll lead us back to our trail, and, if we get lost, I'm pretty sure that this is the same stream that leads behind my house," I said.

"OK," said Teddy, and we started walking, staying on the bank of the stream.

#  4 Deep Within

The leaves that had fallen and turned browned crunched and crackled beneath our feet as we walked through the woods. Teddy swung at the branches above, knocking down the few green leaves and some dead branches, sometimes nearly missing my head. "Teddy, watch out!"

"Oh, sorry," Teddy said, stopping and slowly lowering his arm.

We continued walking while the cool breeze whispered through the dead autumn limbs as they swayed back and forth, as if it were calling to us, "This way. This way." As we walked deeper into the woods, I pulled the necklace from my pocket that Teddy had given me and threaded the loop of the compass on it and put it around my neck. I asked him, "How did you get this?"

Swinging the stick lower this time, he replied, "I saved my allowance for it."

"It's beautiful, Teddy. Thank you.

He turned to me and grinned, looking a little embarrassed, and went back to swinging the stick.

The chill from the cold air that crept up my back was so cold that I was just about ready to go home.

"Aw, Robin, look!" Teddy shouted, jumping up and down while pointing at a dingy-looking boat. It looked like it could barely seat two people safely.

He always seemed to get overexcited about the stupidest things. "Yeah, Teddy. It's a boat."

As he pulled the small boat from the rocks and closer to the stream, Teddy roared like King Kong. For whatever reason, he felt that was necessary.

"Oh, brother," I muttered, as I gave the boat a final nudge with my foot, setting it free.

Standing there, we looked at the old off-white-colored boat. It was rough and rickety, and, in front, it had a small golden bell with a cloth rope tied underneath. The boat had obviously seen its fair share of weather, so its stability was questionable, but I figured, what's the worst that could happen in this small stream? We could jump out if we started to sink.

"Well, let's get in already!" I shouted.

The boat had drifted a bit, and we had no choice but to walk through the icy waters.

Teddy didn't hesitate; he actually took a leap, making a splash and then screaming, " _Ahhhhh_ , cold!"

"Ya think?" I muttered. I, on the other hand, had a more subtle approach, but sadly I found that tiptoeing was not as effective. After climbing in the boat, we removed our soaking-wet shoes and socks, setting them in front of us. This was so stupid; we were going to get sick out here. There wasn't a lot of room in this boat for two people, let alone one person, but we found that lying down was the most comfortable for us. While lying there, I quickly analyzed the boat's structure, trying not to make eye contact with Teddy because that would make things even weirder than they already were. I'm guessing, while Teddy was lying there, he had also been busy scoping out the scenery because his next word threw me off guard.

"Kenosh?" asked Teddy.

"What are you talking about?" I asked.

"Look on the bell."

"Hum? What a strange name."

After a bit of silence we began to stare at the clouds, looking for familiar shapes. Teddy took off his jacket and covered our feet and lay back down.

"I love the feeling in the air when Christmas is coming," I muttered, trying to break the silence.

"Me too. All the presents and candy!" shouted Teddy as his eyes grew. "What are you going to ask Santa for?"

"Teddy, you've got to be freaking kidding me, right? Seriously? Santa?"

With no response from Teddy, I just left it alone. "I haven't really thought about it. What did you ask for?"

Teddy replied, "Oh, that's easy. A remote-control helicopter, some BBs for my BB gun. Oh, and some clothes."

I was just about to tell him that wouldn't be such a bad idea, when suddenly I felt a drop of rain from the sky kiss me on the forehead followed by a low rumble of thunder that shook the bones in our bodies. I turned my head slowly toward Teddy, frightened by the thunder, and we quickly pulled his jacket over our faces. We both had been so busy trying to entertain each other to notice the darkening of the clouds and to notice that the stream had carried us farther down than we realized.

The steam from our breath rose up in the darkness, all the while we were too afraid to sit up in fear of getting struck by lightning. The boat began to shake and then thrash violently, as if it were a small toy at the mercy of a splashing child. Beneath my back I had the sensation of falling and then being rapidly picked back up again. Frightened by the thunder and the shaking of the boat, we knew this was definitely not normal. We both counted to three and then sat up and immediately froze in fear. I couldn't believe it; we couldn't believe it! We were, in fact, in the middle of a dark raging sea.

"Oh, my God!" I screamed, but the roar of sea smothered any cry for help. Teddy and I grabbed each other and lay down again as the mist from the crashing wave beside us covered our cheeks with a thin layer of water. A bolt of lightning crackled and clawed across the sky, lighting the heavens and showing an angry massive tidal wave coming to swallow us. With little time to react, we shielded ourselves with Teddy's jacket. Holding each other, we wedged ourselves between the walls of the vessel as best as we could to brace for the impact.

Terrified, I watched through the hole in Teddy's jacket as my mind raced to consider the strange events, when something even stranger happened. That little golden bell in the front of the boat was ringing all by itself, as if someone were rapidly pulling on the cloth rope, signaling for help. I didn't have much time to process the bell ringing all by itself; with seconds to react, the huge tidal came crashing down. My muscles tightened and burned as I braced myself by pushing on the walls of the vessel.

The roar grew painfully loud and drowned out the ringing of the bell and our screams, when the weight of the ocean hit the boat with such force that I felt as if my body would explode from the pressure. The floor of the boat broke apart below me as my body lay on it. I flailed around, searching for something stable to grab on to, but all I found were pieces of the wood planks that used to be part of the boat. I was immediately engulfed by the frigid water, followed by a quick, eerie silence.

I began to sink, with my muscles still on fire from being so tense. I focused on them, trying to give them commands but was unsuccessful. I was in complete silence and surrounded by nothingness. Suddenly a bright light appeared over me and cascaded down through the water's surface; what seemed like a spotlight from above shone down, causing me to glow, lighting my surroundings. Even with this, I couldn't feel or see Teddy anywhere around me. I felt myself sinking deeper and deeper into the black watery abyss, but I felt no fear and no need to breathe.

After what seemed like hours, I was approaching the bottom of the sea as the water bubbles tickled my back, and yet, all this time, the light from above stayed with me. The light found its way with me to the floor of the sea, lighting up every detail, when a sickening feeling came over me. I saw directly below me a huge gash in the earth, ready to swallow me up, but peace came to me, and fear faded away. The light did not follow me; soon I was in pure darkness ...

I ... was dying.

#  5 Where Am I?

Suddenly my body jerked three times hard, as if I were being shocked back to life, and, with each shock, a bright white flash soon followed. I kept my eyes closed in fear of what I might see, because I really didn't know if I was dead or alive. I was bombarded with the familiar smells of fresh grass that entered my nostrils, saturating the top of my skull, which gave me just enough courage to consider opening my eyes.

The light poured through my eyelids, and slowly I opened my eyes and was immediately blinded by the light of the day, as if I were a newborn baby who had never seen light before. The searing pain of the daylight reached back far in my brain, and immediately my eyelids shut. Slowly I tried once more to open my eyes, but, this time, the pain resided, and my vision came to me, blurry, but still revealing shades of green consistent with that of grass.

" _Oh, no! My glasses! I must have lost them in the ocean!_ " I thought to myself. I did not dare make any full-body moments since I could be an easy target, being unable to move yet, plus blind. I tried my best to lie here, absolutely still, thinking through the possible places where I might be. As my sight came to me, I found that none of my present environment had come close to anything I could ever dream of in my wildest dreams.

I was indeed lying in a tall grassy field, but that was a very minor comforting fact. By now I could see perfectly. The dark gray clouds above me appeared to be leaping forward and moving like mangled worms in a foam bait cup, thrashing around to escape. Down from above and then through the wilted blades of grass came a wind, breathing an ashlike dust that saturated my clothes and my surroundings.

"Where am I, and how did I end up here? I sunk downward and yet ended on top of a hill? It is possible, I guess, if I came from one side of the Earth and pushed through the other side and came from the ground."

Still lying here, I wiggled my toes. " _Check. Those are working_." Next I wiggled my fingers. " _Check. OK, I am in one piece_." Despite my situation, physically I felt remarkable. In fact I felt better than I ever had. My lungs did not hurt as they normally did, and, although I had lost my glasses, I could see even better without them. I could, in fact, see perfectly. Lifting my head up above the grass line, I was taken aback.

Most would look upon these surroundings as weird and unstable, but I found beauty in it, as if it were a painting that was perfectly imperfect. The breath from above carried a sweet perfume that blew the grass in a rhythmic wave. The sun glowed neon purple from behind the clouds that were rumbling and moaning, tossing and tumbling, casting out pure gray into the sky like a smokestack. Even the waves of the rivers seemed to be in disagreement, flowing in whatever direction they desired.

My words could not give justice to what I was seeing; all I knew was that it was definitely not of my world. There were a few similarities to our world, but even those things were beautifully unique. I quickly rolled over and sat up, eager to get a better view of everything, but I was met with the startling realization that I just might be dead. I thought to myself, _Let me see. I was on a boat with Teddy. Oh, my God! Teddy! What am I'm going to tell his mom and dad? Mom! Oh, Mama, I want to come home! Mom would surely search for me when she wakes up! But who knows when that'll be_!"

It was at that point I felt so alone and a bit uneasy. Sitting here in the tall grass, I put my head between my knees and began to cry.

"Um, miss?" I heard a boy's voice say.

I paused for a moment and wiped my eyes. Looking up, I could barely make out the figure because I was directly facing the sun.

With my hand blocking the light, I nervously answered, "Yes?"

The figure moved directly in front of my eyes, and I was able to focus on him. He was a small boy about my age with messy black hair much like a doll's hair. He wore an odd-looking hat that looked like the one Teddy wore. The rest of his clothing was strange as well. He had brown leather skins wrapped around his feet that were tied together with a piece of cloth; his pants and shirt seemed to be made of the same material. On his back he carried a long sword that looked very beat up and old.

The boy spoke and said, "I saw you sitting up here, and you looked very upset, so I ..."

But, before he could finish, I cut him off and said, "It's OK. I am OK. I'm just upset because I don't know how I got here, where my friend Teddy is, or even where I am."

He replied, "I am sorry. Forgive me. This is the land of Kenosh, and my name is Adam."

I thought for a moment about the bell on the boat and how the word _Kenosh_ was on it. I stood up and said, "I am Robin."

Adam quickly dropped to one knee and bowed his head, removing the sword from his back and presenting it to me.

"My queen, it is you. My apologies. The people of Kenosh have been waiting on your return."

"Queen? No. Look, it's Adam, right? You must be mistaken. I am no queen. I am just a little girl from Texas! My mom still tucks me in at night, and I sleep with a night-light! I don't know how I even got here!"

Adam returned the sword to its scabbard on his back and grabbed my hand and stood, pulling me up. "Come on. I can explain that. There is so much I have to show you!"

I walked a few feet behind Adam as we made our way down a hill to a village that appeared to be deserted with much of it burnt down. Adam explained that, at one point, the village was thriving with people from all over, who came together to question their own arrivals here and, through this, they had formed communities. The elders had opened their eyes to see that they had been brought together for a reason, but the town had come under attack by men they called the Swine, who have only hatred in their veins.

" You are the only one left, aren't you?"

"Yes, my mother was taken by the Swine, and I miss her dearly. I also have a brother, but that's another story. So it's been just me for almost a year now. It's going to get dark soon. Right this way, let me show you where I live."

I nodded my head, and we walked between what was left of two buildings and headed toward some collapsed rubble. _How could anyone live here_? I thought to myself. Adam lifted a piece of wood, a makeshift door, that was hanging by a pair of crude door hinges—made of two wires looped through the wood and hung on a piece of steel and then stretched across to both sides of the buildings as a stabilizer.

"Come on. It's safer than it looks. I promise," he said.

For a moment I paused and was a little unsure about what to do, but I could see that Adam meant no harm, so I ducked my head and went in, and Adam followed behind me and shut the door. "It's very dark in here," I said, scanning the area with my hands. I could hear Adam fumbling around the room, knocking things over and making loud banging sounds, cursing at one point as he stubbed his toe. Then Adam struck a match and lit a lantern on a table.

"You'll have to excuse the mess. I don't get much company, as you can imagine."

My stomach growled, and I realized how very hungry I was.

"Do you have anything to eat?" I asked.

"Yes, of course. Here, have a seat, and I'll get you something," said Adam, while using his hand to dust a small section of the floor in front of the table.

I made my way to the small round table that was very low to the ground and crossed my legs and sat down. I watched Adam as he fumbled around nervously in the cabinets, opening one door, then the next.

"Oh, I know! I'll be right back!" he said while running out the door.

I could see shadows moving around outside through the cracks in the wall as the dust Adam stirred up began to seep inside. After carefully listening to the growing ruckus outside, I noticed the shadows moving faster.

"What in the world is he doing?" I chuckled.

"Come here, you!" screamed Adam, when suddenly I heard the sound of a chicken squawking and flapping its wings.

Adam yelled in pain as the chicken pecked and clawed at him while they scuffled. I watched for at least a minute as the shadows danced back and forth before abruptly stopping. The larger of the two shadows paused for a moment before fading off. I then turned to the door expecting to see Adam's shadow and anxious to see the aftermath, when suddenly the door flew open, startling me, which made me jump and scream in terror, "Oh, holy crap!"

Even such petty words would not fly in Mama's house, so I naturally covered my mouth expecting to get in trouble. Walking in, Adam ducked his head, holding a dead brown-colored chicken in one hand.

" _Holy crap_? Not necessarily the response I would expect from a queen, but OK," he said, while laughing and shrugging his shoulders.

Adam slapped down the chicken on the table before me and grabbed an iron rod, prodding it into the fire pit, churning up coals from the bottom that were still smoldering .I watched as Adam quickly plucked the chicken feathers and prepared the meat like a pro before putting it in a pot and burying it in the hot coals. I did not really say much because I thought Adam was cute, and that made me nervous.

After dusting off his hands, he poured me a cup of water and sat down and said, "It'll be a while before it's done."

I smiled, and our gazes met across the table, and an uncomfortable silence came over us. At the same time we both turned from each other, a little embarrassed, and began digging for conversation. Adam jumped at every opportunity to check on the food as a way to escape the awkwardness. We attempted any small talk we could think of until he finished cooking.

"OK, it's done," said Adam, while slamming down a huge chicken leg in front of me.

He did his best to make me smile with corny jokes, and, after a while, I became comfortable. We ate and laughed, and, although I did feel very welcome, I could not shake why he had kept calling me _his queen_ , nor how much I missed Mama and Teddy, nor how I even got here in the first place.

"Adam? You keep referring to me as your queen. How do you know that I am your queen?"

Adam leaned back against the wall with his arms behind his head and said, "Our people have been fighting for their lives for thousands of years. Some have won. Others have given up their hope to the Swine and have passed on. There is no discrimination in the eyes of the Swine. It is only our flesh that is the barrier to their desire. Men, women and even children come here for the same reason I have."

"And what is that reason?"

"It's too much for you to handle right now, and, in time, all things will be revealed."

Adam stood up and uncovered a dusty box, flipping the latch and opening it. Reaching inside, he pulled out a piece of paper, rolled up and sealed with wax bearing the letter _K_. Adam handed it to me. After breaking the seal, I unrolled it on the table in front of me. He stood beside me and pointed at a girl standing on top of a hill that looked very much like me.

"You see? It is you, Robin. You have been here before but don't remember. The scrolls say that the Robin with great wings will come from one side of the world, through the ocean to the land of Kenosh, and, on that day, whispers will fall on the ears of the Swine that the Elite One has returned, bringing an unsettling fear into their hearts. You have returned to lead us in the battle that will ultimately be the destruction of the Swine."

As he stood there talking, I felt as if I did, indeed, remember being here before and that my mind had been awoken from a great sleep.

#  6 Could It Be?

"Adam, if I am who you say I am, then the Swine has already gotten word that I am here. How on earth am I going to lead an army if it's just you and me?"

Adam replied, "Robin, I don't know all the answers, but what I do know is that the prophesies say you would return and defeat the Swine, freeing our people."

"You're kidding me, right? Do you know what kind of pressure that puts on an eleven-year-old little girl?"

Adam's eyes watered, and he turned around, leaving through the door.

"Adam, wait, please wait!" I got up and ran out the door, but, by this time, it was dark, and I could not see him anywhere in the courtyard. Frustrated, I kicked a nearby wooden box, shattering it. I put my hands on my hips. I did my best to scan the area from left to right, then shook my head in frustration. Suddenly the realization of being in an unfamiliar environment in the dark made me uneasy, so I decided that I would wait for him by a big oak tree; at least there nothing could sneak up behind me. Sitting down against the tree, I laid my head back in awe of the whole situation, when suddenly a match struck. Lo and behold, there was Adam, sitting on a thick tree branch, his head facing away from me, looking toward the hill from which I came.

"I miss her, you know? She was the only mother I had ever known. There's not a day that goes by where I don't think about her," said Adam, still with his head turned away from me. "I've been alone for so long, I wonder if she is ever kept up at night thinking of me or if she's even alive." He turned to me now and wiped his eyes.

"I'm sorry, Adam. I don't want you to hurt any longer. I am here with you, and we will find a way to get your family back."

I said what I said because I really wanted to help him. I mean, I had only been away from Mama for a day and already missed her, so I could only imagine how he must feel.

Suddenly Adam jumped down from the tree in front of me. "You will do that for me?" he asked.

"I will, but you have to help me find a way home, OK?"

"You got it, Robin. You have my word."

I asked Adam if he wanted to head inside, but he declined. I started to return to his house, but the flickering of a growing light behind me caught my attention. Turning around, I could see that Adam had quickly fashioned a torch to provide light so that we could stay outside. Looking into Adam's eyes, I got the feeling that he really didn't know if I was the one he thought I was, but, out of desperation, he didn't want to give up hope.

"I have something that belongs to you. Stay here. I'll go get it!" Adam said while running to a water well.

I watched him and was confused to say the least. He began to pull on an old dingy rope while throwing the slack behind him.

"Here they are!" Adam said, pulling up and holding a long beautiful sword and a pair of large feathered wings.

"That's mine?" I said, pointing to the sword.

"Yes, it is," he replied, handing the sword to me. "And these too." He secured the wings to my back.

"Are the wings really necessary?" I said, chuckling.

"Well, we have to stay true to what the prophesy says, even if it looks a tad ridiculous."

"A tad?"

Adam grinned and winked and made adjustments and said, "Besides, I think it's kinda cute."

I held the sword in the air as the glow from the torch reflected on it, which made the light bounce upon my face and clothes. Adam stepped back and smiled, nodding to himself as if he were assuring me that the sword had been placed in the right hands.

"You ready to see what you got?" he asked.

I squinted my eyes, puzzled by what he meant, when Adam quickly took his sword from his back and swiped downward in the air, clanking against my sword.

"Are you freaking nuts!" I screamed, jumping back and dropping my sword.

Adam laughed and swung at me again, startling me. I jumped back once more.

"If I were you, I'd be picking up that sword," said Adam.

My heart raced, but I had to think quickly because he might very well kill me. I grabbed my sword, trying to find some fight in me, so I thought about all the mean kids at school. Oh, and that Heather Crystal! I mean, who even has two names like that? I screamed at the top of my lungs, charging at Adam. I must have startled him by the look of his face and the way he froze. I may have gone a bit overboard, but I swung at Adam's head. Luckily he ducked in time. I aggressively swung my sword in anger.

After all those years of torment, now I had an outlet to release my frustration. I had found a punching bag, and Adam was it. My arms began to act on their own, blocking every swing Adam threw at me. What is going on? I knew nothing of sword fighting, yet I could effortlessly use the sword as if I were born with it. As though it was a part of me. We must have spent hours under the tree, sparring and laughing.

After a while I grew tired and decided to lie down under the tree. I found myself gazing at the stars through the leaves above; it was very beautiful, but I couldn't shake the idea of wanting to go home and being in my nice warm bed with Mama at the end of it, talking with me.

I think Adam must have sensed that I still felt homesick and a little unsure about my surroundings, so he sat next to me and said, "I'll stay up with you until you fall asleep."

I remembered the locket compass Grandpa had given me and opened it. Tilting it back and forth, the needle did not show me the way home. "I think this thing must be broken," I said while tapping on the glass.

"What? Let me see that," said Adam.

I took off the necklace and handed to him. "It was a gift from my grandpa."

"Hmm. That is strange. I can't get it to work either. I don't know. Maybe it is broken, but it is still a nice necklace."

I sighed and placed it back on my neck, a little disappointed that the compass wouldn't show me the way home like Grandpa had said it would. I yawned and stretched my eyelids open with my fingers, but soon they were too heavy for me to fight keeping them open any longer. I drifted off to sleep and dreamed of being at home, and Daddy was there, smiling and telling me, _Happy birthday_.

Daddy held me and danced with me. I cried and buried my head in his chest. It felt so good to smell his cologne again and to hear him say, _I love you_. Mama was there beside Grandpa, smiling while watching us dance. Looking up at Daddy, his face was so blurry that I could barely see it. I whispered, _Daddy_ , but he just turned his head away from me. My eyes watered, and my heart sank.

"Please, Daddy, talk to me! I'm sorry, Daddy." I began to cry because I couldn't see his face and couldn't even remember how he looked. The room filled with icy water, and his hands slipped from mine as I began to sink in the sea once more. The light from above danced around my face as I drifted away.

All I could say was "I'm sorry," over and over again, as tears welded my eyes shut. Suddenly I felt a hand grasp my shoulder. Startled, I opened my eyes and saw Adam above me.

"Robin, are you OK?" he asked.

I sat up and wiped my eyes. "Yeah ... I'm OK."

Adam reached out to me and said, "Come on. It's morning, and we need to get an early start."

"But how do you even know what direction to go?"

He pointed to a ghostly silhouette through the smoke in the distance.

"I don't know where exactly, but we need to go there, over where that smoke's rising—or at least that's the direction the Swine headed. Come on, Robin. Let's head out," Adam said while taking my hand and pulling me to my feet.

I brushed off my pants and slid my sword down the back of my shirt. "Of course it would have to be the giant creepy plume of smoke in the distance."

#  7 Sore Feet

We set off down the road covered in the gray ash toward the direction Adam said he believed the Swine went. The loudest thing heard over the next few miles was the sound of our footsteps as Adam and I walked shoulder to shoulder. Our sight was limited due to the ash that rained down like clockwork from above, blanketing everything in sight—every tree, every limb, every leaf, totally engulfed by the gray powder.

The road was untouched, showing no signs of pedestrian travel and was almost nonexistent to anyone not familiar with the area. I myself wouldn't have noticed any path if it hadn't been for Adam directing my gaze toward a row of arching trees that interlocked. Within the first hundred yards I was confronted with the reality that this would be no brisk walk, but at least my lungs didn't hurt, which felt amazing. Beyond the leaves I could see that the same massive cloud above Kenosh had now moved miles ahead of us and was spewing out an even thicker plume of the ash.

Adam pointed through the trees and said, "That's where we're headed."

I asked Adam why the ash had been coming down from the sky. He explained that, if a person's will to live is taken from him or her, the body's spirit exits in the form of ash, and their bodies go back to the ground from which they came. He also said that he didn't know why the big cloud seemed to be feeding off of the ash and that it had only formed after the Swine took everyone.

"One thing is for sure. The ash has fallen even more since you arrived, which means the Swine has been busy destroying the people who have any hope about your return."

I lowered my head and kept walking and was at a loss for words.

We came upon several fallen trees which lay directly in our path.

"Well, how do we get around this?" I asked, throwing up my hands.

"No problem. Follow me," said Adam, ducking under a large branch.

I grabbed the tail of his shirt and followed him as we wove our way through the branches while Adam hacked the smaller limbs with his sword. "Darn, there is no way through here," said Adam.

Suddenly we heard the sound of limbs snapping and something quickly approaching us.

"There it is. Look, it's a fox!" said Adam, as a fox's head appeared from the branches.

"He went under that tree trunk. Look, there's light, and it's clear on the other side!"

I was the first to dive under and squeeze my way through to the other side.

Adam soon followed next, crawling on one elbow and tightly pressing his hat to his head with the other hand.

"Adam, stop worrying so much about your hat. Look, I broke the chain to my necklace while crawling through, and I'm sure my hair is a mess," I said, laughing. I stuffed my compass in my front pocket, then I looked up to where I thought the cloud would be, and, to my surprise, the cloud had vanished, and there was nothing more than a blank canvass.

Turning back to Adam, I was just about to tell him of our unfortunate situation when I realized why Adam had been holding on to his hat so desperately this whole time. He was standing there, distraught, rubbing his head where his hair used to be. On his right arm was a white hospital bracelet that I had never noticed before. Feeling that he might be embarrassed, I said, "Don't worry. I think you look better now, just as you are."

I wanted to hold Adam, so I did, and he willingly did the same. He collapsed in my arms and cried and confessed to me that he had been sick for some time now. I asked him about the hospital bracelet on his wrist, but he told me that he didn't remember how or even when he had gotten it, but that others had them to. I admitted to Adam about my illness as well and that I'd battled it for most of my life. Instantly I felt as if I had known him forever because he reminded me so much of Teddy and what he had to go through with his illness.

There was a different atmosphere between us now. In that moment I wasn't Robin the Great but a human being, just flesh and bone. I threw my arm around Adam and looked out into the desolate land and asked, "Are you ready?"

Adam nodded yes and said, "But there is just one more thing I need to do." He tore off his bracelet and threw it into the wind. "OK, now I'm ready, but there are no more trees to guide us to where the road is."

So we continued in the direction we believed we were already traveling. Along the way we stopped for lunch and rested between two identical boulders that gave shelter and cover from being seen. Adam had brought jerky and biscuits for us to eat. I took a bite of the biscuit, and immediately I started coughing, and my eyes began to water as I struggled to breathe and swallow. While slapping me on the back, Adam offered me a drink of water. To my relief I was able to dislodge the rock-hard biscuit from my windpipe but soon after drinking came a nasty bitter aftertaste. I frantically spit it out all over the place.

Adam looked at me and laughed and asked, "Are you OK?"

"Where in the world did you get that water?" I asked, almost on the verge of puking.

"From the well back home of course," he replied.

"You must have gotten mud along with it. Yuk!" I said, still spitting out the taste.

Adam laughed and said, "That's too funny. We'll wait here and rest for an hour or so."

We rested our heads against the rock and closed our eyes. The wind that danced across the top of the rocks put us in a deep coma-like sleep. Hours had passed, and evening had come. An unsettling feeling filled in the air; the atmosphere seemed to be unstable, randomly twirling little dust tornados around us.

"Robin, wake up. Do you hear that?"

"Hear what?" I replied.

"That strange winding noise."

"Oh, yeah. I hear it, and it's coming from my pocket!"

I reached deep in my pocket and pulled out my compass and opened its silver facing. My eyes grew as I watched the needle of the compass spin rapidly in circles. When a strong gust of wind came rushing down from above, kicking up the ash from below my feet into my eyes, my eyelids instinctively shut, and I immediately flailed around, seeking something stable to hold on to so I could stop to wipe my eyes.

The wind blew past the ridges of my ears, making a painfully loud screeching sound, when suddenly Mama's sweet voice came through like a soft blanket, sheltering my ears and calling me, saying, "Robin, it's Mama. You can wake up now. Mom is here for you, baby. It's OK."

With all my might I frantically reached out for Mama's voice and called for her, but I was unable to find her. The wind rapidly faded as quickly as it came and so did her voice. I collapsed on the ground and buried my forehead in the dust and cried. I could hear nothing more than myself sobbing, when I noticed the sound of my winding compass subsiding. I rolled over and sat up and wiped my eyes and said, "Adam, the needle stopped on my compass."

Adam scrunched his eyebrows and wrinkled his forehead and slid off the rock and hovered over my shoulder. He said, "Oh, yeah, it did. And it's pointing southeast."

"My grandpa said that this compass would help me get home if I ever needed it. Adam, this is it. This is where we should go!"

"Well, given the fact that we are lost anyway, I'd say that is as good an idea as any," Adam said while grabbing his belongings beside the bolder.

We set off in a southeasterly direction, toward the blank canvass, throwing rocks into the nothingness along the way. Adam started humming a tune that became contagious, so I found myself humming along. Adam turned to me when he realized what I was doing and said, "Would you like to learn the words?" I nodded my head yes, and we did our best to pass the time by teaching each other songs. Walking a little farther in front of me, Adam jumped up and down with excitement and screamed back to me, "Look, Robin. It's the road! I don't know if it's the same road, but it's a road!" Walking along, rows of trees appeared through the ash as we headed toward them, and, sure enough, in the midst of nothingness, we found a road.

While gripping the compass in my pocket, I quietly whispered to myself, "Thank you, Grandpa."

#  8 Abigail

After about an hour of walking, the rows of trees grew monotonous, and it felt as if we weren't getting anywhere. The long journey had broken our spirits, and we started to second-guess our choice.

"Look, Robin. We'll stop before the Swine can even see us and not draw any attention to ourselves and maybe not even have to fight anyone and just sneak out my family, OK?"

I stopped for a moment and thought about the possibility of sneaking in and out, and I figured, by the time we reached the Swine, we could come up with a solid plan. "OK then. Well, let's go."

Adam stopped in the middle of the trail, throwing his hand in the air. "Stop. I heard something," said Adam.

"What? Where?"

He pointed to a bush that was shaking in violent spurts.

"There! Did you see that?" Adam asked, stealthily moving toward the bush.

"Adam, be careful," I whispered.

Adam shooed me away and continued to approach the bush.

"Adam?" I said once more.

With a brief pause, he moved his finger to his lips and motioned me to be quiet.

Peeling back the tall leaves, he was startled by a fat round face staring back at him. Adam let out a horrified scream. " _Arhhhh_! What the ... ?" asked Adam as his face turned ghostly white. He must have flown back at least ten feet from the scare before falling backward into my arms. Soon no noise was made but only by the wind blowing through the trees. We sat there, waiting for some kind of movement from the face staring back at us.

I was afraid to break the silence, but I demanded to know who was staring back at us.

"Who are you?" I asked.

"Abigail!" she said, darting back into the bush, ruffling the leaves. "Abigail Grace." Then she crawled out from bush and took a bow.

Adam and I looked at each other in confusion.

"I can't believe there was someone else here this whole time," said Adam.

"Not just some _one_ ," said Abigail, putting her fingers to her lips, whistling a shearing screech that made me and Adam cover our ears.

Our eyes grew as the field around us began to morph and move. We realized we were surrounded by hundreds of people who had been cleverly hidden in the field.

Abigail stretched out her arm and spoke. "And these are countrymen from all over who have joined us to be allies against the Swine. Some of them from the tribes of Legna and from Yve and others from Shamon to Kenosh. We were growing impatient for your return and chose to commence our attack on the Swine, but we are honored by your arrival, and now, with the prophecy being fulfilled, we have the upper hand."

Adam and I were curious how so many people could survive in the wilderness for so long. Abigail explained how they'd lived off the land, showing us which plants were safest to eat and which were not and where we could get fresh water.

Night had fallen, and everyone had picked a spot and settled around a small fire. I sat down beside Adam, while Abigail and a few others told stories. After several failed attempts at conversation with Adam, I knew his mind was elsewhere. Adam glared at a young man, prodding at the fire, who then spoke to Adam but never made eye contact.

"Well, well, if it isn't Adam, my mother's own little prodigy."

"Phillip? Even after all these years, you still carry animosity toward me that your mother took me as one of her own? How did you escape the Swine anyway?"

"Robin, did Adam ever tell you that he had a big brother? I'm guessing not."

"Stepbrother," snarled Adam.

"Well, Adam, like most of us, I ran to the wilderness, but my mother insisted on looking for you. I begged my mother to run with us, but she pulled from me and ran back, searching for your selfish, arrogant, little jerk self."

"Mom? No," Adam said, sobbing.

"I figured you should know you are the reason Mother was captured and most likely killed. If only Mother was around so she could see how her precious little baby boy is out prancing around with some whore."

"I'm going to kill you myself," Adam yelled as he reached for his sword.

"No! Wait! He's not worth it!" I screamed. I threw my arms around Adam's neck and whispered in his ear, "I'm sorry about your mother, but killing him won't bring her back."

Abigail intervened and invited us to sit with her by a big oak tree covered in some debris, all coated with a layer of ashes. Adam sat on a big rock, still irritated, being very antisocial. After a few minutes in silence, Abigail and I looked at each other, both of us feeling the tension in the atmosphere coming from Adam.

My eyes squinted, looking at the leaves of the tree above me. _Are those ... hospital bracelets_? _They are_! I thought to myself. To break the silence, I asked, "Abigail, what's up with all the bracelets tied to the tree limbs?"

"They represent something."

"What do you mean?"

"Well, it's like this. The Swine have evil in their veins and have the desire to control everything and to spread their hatred like a virus. Many have come and gone throughout the lifetime of our world, some wearing bracelets like these. All of us battle with some kind of illness, but it was only when the bracelets left our arms that we could truly be set free from our fear of dying. For the ones who have escaped, you see our bracelets here, but there are still many shackled by their minds. The Swine know that, within everyone, lies something very precious. It's like this. A positive person possesses the necessary skills to abolish any intruder of the mind, but, for the ones who are ill, their minds are easily breached. With a constant assault on their minds, the Swine slowly destroy the hope of people and set boundaries which keep us from living a true life."

"So we destroy the Swine."

"Yes, Robin. We stand here in front of you as a whole and have formed a military to destroy those putrid Swine, to take back our people and our lives."

"So what do we do?"

"We do something so unpredictable they won't see it coming."

"OK, I'm listening."

"You give them what they want. You surrender to them, but, rest assured, there are still more of us waiting to attack. I will send a messenger to notify a second army who will be waiting for our signal."

"Man, and I thought Adam was crazy. ... Let's do it."

I wrapped my brain around what Abigail had told me, and my mind became fuzzy from all the thinking. I tried my best to fall asleep, but I had so much on my mind, and I had grown tired of wearing the feathered wings because they were heavy and very uncomfortable, so I laid them down on the ground beside me.

"Adam, I'm so sleepy, but I'm too anxious about tomorrow. Can you rub my head until I fall asleep?"

Adam nodded, and I lay down in his lap. I watched the wind ruffling the feathery wings in the firelight and soon fell asleep, but into a nightmare. Adam was dying in my arms, and, no matter what I did, he wouldn't respond to me. It wasn't until I closed my eyes in my nightmare that I was able to wake up, safe but in a cold sweat. I sat up and saw that Adam was fast asleep, confirming it had all been a nightmare. Lying back down in his lap, I looked for the entrancing ruffling feathers of my wings to help me fall asleep, but my wings were nowhere in sight.

"Adam, get up. My wings are missing."

"What? What do you mean?" Adam yawned.

Adam and I tiptoed around the sleeping bodies, searching for my wings, but were unable to find them.

"What are you guys doing?" said Abigail, propped up on her elbows.

"Robin's wings are missing."

Abigail's eyebrows arched, and she got up and joined our search, but, even after looking everywhere, we were unsuccessful.

"It's late. Let's try to get some sleep and search for them in the morning when its daylight," Adam said, yawning once again.

I thought about how the wings were uncomfortable and would probably just get in the way anyhow. I was able to calm my mind a little and lay back down and drifted off to sleep until the next morning. Abigail was already up and moving about.

"I had everyone look for your wings, and they were nowhere to be found, so we took the liberty of making you this, a more symbolic version." Abigail handed me a set of wings made out of the hospital bracelets and vines.

"Thank you, Abigail. I absolutely love it."

Abigail smiled and added, "A few hundred yards ahead, just beyond the tree line, is the city where the Swine live. We'll be surrounding the perimeter with the second army."

Adam spoke up and said, "Robin, I'll walk with you to the tree line, and, from there, I'll scope out the Swine city. Abigail, can you tell Phillip for me that I'm sorry?"

"I would, Adam, but I haven't seen him all morning. When I do, I'll be sure to tell him."

Adam nodded, and we left our campsite.

#  9 Into The Belly

"OK, this is your stop," whispered Adam.

I hugged Adam and quickly kissed his lips and made my way through the tree line. I looked back for a second, and Adam was touching his mouth, his face a bright red. I took a deep breath and stumbled out from behind the bushes and into plain sight of the Swine. There was no turning back now. I could see them, and they could see me. In the distance I heard laughter, and it was growing by the numbers. When I approached the city gates, the men gathered around me, laughing hysterically.

One of the men spoke up and said, "You have got to be kidding me. This is your grand entrance? I knew you were coming, but I was half expecting to see you flying in, Robin. Take her away."

The man shooed me away. With a bright flash and searing pain deep in my skull, my world became dark, and I was escorted in a daze.

I woke up with a trickle of blood down my face and to the sound of horses trotting. The smell of rust and damp wood clung to my nostrils and crept its way into my throat. The Swine had put me in an iron cage just tall enough to lie down in and anchored to a wooden trailer by leather straps. The reality of being captured finally set in, and suddenly I felt very small and powerless and at the full mercy of the Swine.

As we rode into town, the other men looked at me as if I were a valuable prisoner who had escaped and had now been captured and returned. I was an exotic species being brought back for display and then to be slaughtered as a trophy. We passed rows of barred windows and, standing behind them, were people with faces of hopelessness, yet people who desired peace. Their eyes followed mine as I passed them and tried to not look so distraught.

I watched as large wooden doors opened and slammed against the stone walls, vibrating the gray ash out from every crevice. The chilled air rushed over my body as we entered a different section of the city through a cold, dark and damp tunnel. We came to stop in a large room filled with the prisoners from Kenosh. Slowly as they gathered around my cage, they began to whisper and point. For a moment I shut my eyes to rest them, but I was awoken by a voice near my face that startled me.

"Is it true? Is it true what people are saying?" a man said, his voice trembling. "Are you the Robin the prophecies speak about? Surely you must have some sort of great importance to them for the Swine to lock you up in this way."

"I have no answer for why they caged me. I am merely a peasant who was lost and stumbled upon this place looking for help."

"Get out of here!" screamed a guard, nudging the man with his foot.

The prisoner fearfully nodded and lowered his head, releasing his grip from the bars of my cage before disappearing into the crowd. The guards disconnected the trailer from the horses and wheeled me into a separate empty dark chamber beside the other prisoners. The men undid the leather straps that held the cage to the trailer and then lifted the front of the trailer up so that my cage could tumble out. I gritted my teeth and braced for impact, but luckily I only slid down to the floor, and my cage slowly flipped forward into a pile of loose hay.

The guards laughed and left as their voices faded. In a daze my eyes focused across the room on the movements of the shadows coming from the bottom of the door. I had grown tired and must have fallen asleep because the shadows began to rise like billows of smoke and then morphed into a growing figure. Paralyzed in fear, I watched as a man formed before me, as if a small cyclone had entered my cell. His body was made of swirling smoke, and his face looked like smoldering coal shielded by a golden mask that was blank with no detail. When he spoke, it was like the sound of water being poured on a burning log.

"Greetings, Robin. I am La Cinder. I am king here and will continue to be as long as I feed my appetite for the broken spirits of the diseased. How do I plan on doing this, you ask? If I take away their one and only hope—you—they will die and forfeit their lives to me. Not their souls, no. Their energy that was in them. The energy that lives in every living creature."

Afterward I must have slept for hours because midnight had come. I was awoken when a pebble hit my arm. "Adam? How did you get in here?"

Adam was standing there by the door with his finger to his mouth and motioning for me to follow him. Hugging the walls, we snuck past the sleeping guards, trying to stay clear of the light from the torches. My foot came down on the tail of a rat that let out a loud screech. Adam and I darted into a dark corner and hid behind a wooden barrel.

"Adam, how did you get in here?" I whispered.

"Never mind that. We were watching from a treetop as you surrendered to the Swine and noticed that, moments later, they had taken your wings and raised them on the tower on the rooftop of this building for the others to see."

"The old or new wings?"

"Well, it definitely was the pair of wings Abigail made you. I don't know how but they have them." Adam paused for a moment. "Phillip, that scum. We need to get to the roof and get those wings, so the people can see that you are here and alive, to restore their faith."

"Over there," I whispered, pointing to a spiraling staircase. The old wooden stairs creaked as we made our way to the top, when, without warning, one of the wooden planks broke beneath my foot. Luckily my front foot was planted on a solid board, and I avoided falling.

"Are you OK, Robin?"

"Yeah, I fine. Let's just try to spread our weight out, OK?"

Adam nodded, and we continued to the top of the staircase, coming to a dead end, but finding a corrugated steel trap door in the ceiling.

"Wait, do you hear that?" I asked, pausing, not moving.

"You've got to be kidding me. Someone's coming," said Adam, turning to me with glassy eyes.

Turning back around, I pressed on the hatch and tried my best not to make any noise. I slowly lifted it enough so that I could slide through onto the lip of the roof. I held the door open wider for Adam and slowly lowered it after he was beside me, softly pressing down on the door until I heard a click of the latch.

"Here, this should buy us some time," said Adam while threading a piece of steel wire through a hole in the door before binding it to the roof.

"Now that's using the old noggin."

Without hesitating, Adam scaled the rickety tower as it swayed from side to side.

"Hurry, Adam. They are trying to break through!"

"I got it! Here, catch!"

The wings sailed to the ground, making a loud thud, like an old baseball glove hitting the ground. I could see the old wings were underneath the new ones, so I tore off the wings made from the leaves and bracelets, and quickly put on the feathered wings. Adam jumped down to the rooftop and immediately put his hands in the air.

A familiar voice behind me spoke up. "Fine, fine, have it your way. Keep the wings. It really makes no difference to me. In the morning you will be executed in front of all these pathetic people," said La Cinder.

The guards grabbed Adam first and led him back down the stairs. Standing there behind La Cinder was Phillip with a smug look on his face, applauding.

"Great job, really. I mean, I went through all this trouble to soil any hope of your return."

"Why? How could you do this to your people? What's in it for you?"

"My people? They don't understand me, my dreams! My wants! For years now we have been picked off like ticks from a rabid dog, and I, for one, was not going to put the blade to my neck. So, like the ole song goes, if you can't beat them ... well, you know the rest."

Philip was standing there, grinning from ear to ear as I was escorted off the roof. "Let go of me!" I screamed, jerking away my arm from the guard's hold. As I approached the stairwell, Philip addressed me and sarcastically bowed. I balled my fist and threw it into his nose and screamed, "Phillip, you are a disgusting little worm!"

The guards laughed as Phillip clutched his nose and bent over in agony.

They threw me in a cold and dark, dingy jail cell crawling with maggots that smelled like horrible rotting meat. The room had served as a place for the Swine to throw their trash and leftovers, but now it served as a makeshift prison for the leader of the ones who had rebelled against them. I was scared, and my stomach was growling constantly from hunger, but the smell here put me on the verge of throwing up. I struggled to see through the dark to confirm if I was alone when movement again caught my attention.

My eyes slowly adjusted to my surroundings, and an outline of a door was in front of me. A silhouette of a man appeared behind the bars.

"Excuse me, O Great One, I mean, Your Highness," he said in a sarcastic way.

"Yes?" I said, with a tremble in my voice. I stood up, and I approached the man. The smell of alcohol cut through the air as I drew closer, making my face cringe.

"You know, we have been waiting for you for some time now? That's right. We knew about you before you even knew about you."

Trapped like a mouse, there was nothing more in the world that I wanted than to just go home and hug Mama. Maybe it was the exhaustion or the fear of dying, but suddenly I stopped believing that I was the savior for these people who have been waiting and relying on me, so I said what I thought would get me home. "Sir, please, these people think I am someone I am not. I am just a scared little girl, wanting to go back home."

"Aw, sure. Well! Why didn't you just say so?" the man said, jiggling the keys near the lock. My heart stilled as I was in shock that the line had actually broke through to this man.

"Ha! You stupid fool. Did you think it would be that easy? That you were just gonna walk out the door with a few sappy lines?"

The man turned and walked into the dark hall.

"Wait, please!" I grabbed the bars and shook them with all my might as the tears flowed down my face. The man appeared once more.

"Dear girl, whether or not you are who they say you are, you are a tool to disable whatever is left of the rebels who go against La Cinder. The first order of business was to do away with your little loudmouthed boyfriend, Adam. He seems to have taken a liking to you with the way he was so quick to defend your name as my sword plunged deep in his chest!"

"No! Not Adam! Why? He was innocent and didn't deserve to die!" My knees buckled, and I slumped down by the door. All I could think about was the guilt of being the cause of Adam's death. He had believed in me, even to the point of death. My mind raced. How could I continue to let this happen? I was no one special. My head fell between my knees, and I cried myself through the night until the next morning.

#  10 What Now?

I must have fallen asleep at some point because I was woken up by a guard kicking at my feet, telling me to get up. I was suddenly faced with the realization that today I was going to be put to death; I took a deep breath and sighed. With my body drained from crying the night before, there were no more tears left to cry. I stood up, limping from lying on the hard floor all night. Slowly I approached the jail cell doorway, mentally defeated, but still trying to make sense of all this.

We started down the hall, passing other cells. By now the daylight lit up the cells enough to see that they were filled with the good people who had been captured by the Swine. I couldn't even look at them because I felt that I had failed them. These people had lost everything, and I myself had everything but didn't even realize it until now. I thought about Mama and me sitting with her at the kitchen table and how she would smile at me with so much love. I was her everything, her reason to live, but that's all gone now.

A giant set of wooden doors opened before me. Dozens of the Swine were standing in a huge courtyard, cheering at the sight of me, Robin, the little girl from Davilla, Texas, their captive, who was about to be killed for their entertainment. Straight in front of me was La Cinder, who was now sitting on a golden chair as an apparent authority figure. This man, who was their leader of some sort, was at the heart of the Swine who pumped pure evil through men.

As I was pulled by the guards toward the podium, my will to live came back to me, and my feet dug into the ground. None of this did any good because a man with very wide shoulders standing nearby reached for my hand, pulling me up like a rag doll, making me feel as if my arm were about to be pulled from its socket. I stood there watching, scanning the crowd, looking for any kind of remorse from the Swine, only to find nothing but the desire for my blood. I tried to swallow, but my mouth was dry. I was startled at the sound of La Cinder screaming at the top of his lungs.

"Bring them in!"

Immediately the people who had been taken prisoner were escorted in the courtyard. As scared as I was for myself, my thoughts were with them and how, to them, I was their everything—their hope and reason to live. My body began to come alive. I can't do this to all of them. Maybe I am just a little girl from Texas, but, to them, I am the Solo Elite. The tall man beside me manhandled me to my knees and lay my head on a small table. My heart raced and my breaths quickened as I realized that I was about to die by beheading. Stepping back, the man drew his sword.

_Come on, Abigail. Where are you? Robin, think! Think!_ My eyes squinted as the man yelled, thrusting his sword downward to my neck. The roar of the Swine abruptly stopped. Silence filled my ears. "Is this it? Am I dead?" I opened my eyes, looking up at the executioner's sword frozen in time right at my neck. Puzzled, I looked up further and saw a bloody arrow coming through the man's chest! The man began to fall my way, like a great redwood tree. Quickly I moved back as the man collapsed in front of me. I couldn't believe it. I was alive, but who had saved me?

I looked around the courtyard for anyone with a bow but to no avail. Slowly the silence turned into whispering and then into a very loud commotion. My gaze caught everyone looking east, above the courtyard walls. I too looked up in the same direction. Standing there above me with the sun at his back was a dominating figure.

I struggled to see his face in the light cast from the sunrise, and finally there he was. "Teddy? You're alive!" Somehow, someway, we had found each other. For a minute I was in shock, staring up at this little boy who I had grown up with, who had now become this fierce warrior. Slowly, one by one, other men around him stood up with their weapons drawn. Teddy had not come alone but with a huge army of soldiers.

I could see him clearly, and, with a smile and a nod, he told me that _I'm here. Let's do this_.

The Swine's focus quickly turned to the west side of the courtyard. Abigail had brought her army, just like she had promised. I quickly grabbed the sword from the executioner, who was dead on the ground beside me, and I stood up. At the same time La Cinder, the Swine's king, rose angrily with smoke pouring from his gold mask. Swinging the heavy sword in a circle, I gained momentum and separated his head from his body, slicing through it like soft butter, sending his mask to the ground. In an instant his clothes dropped from midair, and he was gone. Smoke rose into the clouds above. All at once my entire world erupted with war, but I was not in fear but in harmony with my surroundings. The Swine bellowed, "Charge the podium," as I began to pick them off with ease, one after another dropping like acorns in the fall season. Arrows from the men above rained down upon the Swine.

The courtyard doors slammed open. Men, women and children poured out, ripping off their bracelets and throwing them in the air. The ground shook, and a roar grew in the distance. I could hear what sounded like Mama's voice calling for me, "Robin, Robin," over and over again. Slowly Mama's voice sounded like a ringing bell in the distance and then became the deafening wail of a siren. I felt as if my ears could bleed from the ringing when suddenly a massive tidal wave rose up from behind the walls and came crashing down.

My world went totally dark, and the sounds faded as my body violently shook. For a moment it would be calm, as I found myself laying on the sea floor, letting the sand flow through my fingers. I felt my spirit effortlessly leaving my body, being peeled away, like a banana peel. Hundreds of bracelets came floating past me as I floated upward. I heard the sound of roaring waves from the surface getting louder the farther I ascended. Eventually the roaring drowned out the bubbles around me.

Instantly I felt as if I had emerged out of icy waters into the frigid air while still in complete darkness. My nerves were on fire from the stinging of the icy-cold water, when instantly I was placed back into my flesh with a quick jolt. The light poured in my eyes, making them sting, which made them water. I couldn't make out much because everything was blurry, but I could feel that Mama was sitting here, holding my hand at the edge of my bed, and, when my eyes focused, I could see she also had her familiar loving smile.

"Hey, baby. Glad to have you back," she said while patting me on the hand.

Looking around, I could see I was in a hospital room with flowers and cards for me. Staring back at Mama, I tried to talk, but my lips did not want to cooperate. The dried saliva had sealed my lips together, so I put my tongue behind my mouth and slowly pried it open. I tried once again to speak. "Mama."

"Yes, baby. It's me," she said as she began to cry. I sat up and quickly fell into her arms and tried to soak up as much of Mama as I could. "I should have never fallen asleep, baby," she said, while holding me so tight that it felt as if my skull would cave in.

"Mom, you're hurting me," I said, muffled under her arms.

"Oh, I'm sorry, baby. I didn't think I was ever going to hear your voice again," she said, wiping her tears.

#  11 Fuzzy Head

December 10, 2010

Sitting in the hospital cafeteria, I ate my vanilla ice cream from a plastic cup.

"Baby, listen. They found you in some bushes, washed up from the creek," said Mama.

"And Teddy?

Mama's head lowered, and silence filled the room.

"Mama, and Teddy?"

"Robin, Teddy was found a mile down the creek. He didn't make it, baby."

My heart pounded, and the sound of Mama's voice faded as she told me about Teddy's fate. "But how can that be? I was just with him. We were on the boat and then were on the ocean, and the bell started to ring and ... The ocean and Kenosh and Adam felt so real. ..."

"Baby, I'm sure your mind has been through so much, and I haven't been the best mom I could have been, but I promise, from now on, me and you are going to be like this," she said while crossing her fingers.

***

December 14, 2010

I placed the last box in the back of the van, and Mama shut the door. Mama said that we were moving farther south for a change of scenery and that our new home had a lot of land in the back, eleven and a half acres to be exact. There was also a small pond where we could go fishing anytime we wanted to. As exciting as that sounded, I couldn't help but feel that somehow I was abandoning Teddy, that, behind the woods, he was there waiting for me to return.

The idea of that scared me, but I didn't want to think of Teddy that way, so I pretended that he was still alive and was on a trip. I know that lying to myself probably wasn't the healthiest thing to do, but it helped at the time, and I needed to do whatever I could to cope with the loss of Teddy.

Mama had gone into the house to give it one more final check. This had to be her fifth time, but that was Mama for you. I sat down in the front seat of our vehicle and almost immediately slumped over, resting my elbow on the window glass. As Mama climbed in and started the van, she waited there in the driveway for a bit and said, "I know you've had a rough time with your daddy being gone, and you've been so strong and held yourself together even better than me. I admire that about you."

Mama's voice trembled as I watched her eyes water. For the first time ever, I saw her broken and human. She had always put a smile on her face and put herself before no one. I wanted to comfort her, but the loss of Teddy paralyzed my body. "Mom, it's OK. I couldn't ask for a better mom, a better friend. You love me so much that I don't think, if Daddy was around, I could take anymore. I love you."

Mama grabbed my hand and pulled it to her mouth and kissed my hand and said, "Well, thank you. I love you too, baby. Oh, and the doctor gave me this diary. He said he wants you to write things down in here to help you remember." She handed the diary to me. "All right! Let's go!" she said, wiping her eyes again and putting on a smile. She turned around and reversed our vehicle down the driveway. Suddenly the van came to a screeching stop, throwing my head back into the headrest. At the same time we both turned to each other and said, "Grandpa!" The side door opened, and Grandpa flopped down in the seat.

"You're not going to get rid of me that easy," said Grandpa.

Mama looked at me with her eyes open wide, and slowly we pulled out of the driveway. I watched the fence swaying from the wind, picturing Teddy flopping over it like he always did, the same fence where Teddy and I had decided to go to the creek, not even thinking that only one of us would return. I didn't know what to make of it because Kenosh seemed so real, yet the only logical thing to do was to dismiss it as a dream.

I watched the small town of Davilla disappear behind me like an old book, charred and turned to ash, being blown away by a sudden breeze. Where was I going? How could I ever recover from the trauma of losing my best friend and go on with my life? Was all this really just my imagination, and, if somehow it wasn't, would I ever return to Kenosh? And if I could somehow get back there, would Teddy be there?

For the entire car ride I was quiet, digging around for pieces of the puzzle that would explain at what point our journey was a reality and what was my imagination. The radio became distant noise, drowned out by the humming of the tires against the asphalt. In a trance I watched as the white markings on the road came pouring in front of me. The only thing that would temporarily stop my mind from the torture of trying to make sense of the situation was whenever we stopped for a break to fill up the car.

Even then, most of the time I stayed in the car while Mama got gas, but occasionally I would go in to avoid pinches from Grandpa Chuck's nubby fingers. I'd walk in a daze down the food isles layered in pork rinds and powered doughnuts without a single care in the world to ever eat again. As much as I loved candy and other junk foods, they just seemed to have no taste, and the very idea of eating seemed selfish with Teddy gone and all. I was lost; I felt as if the rug had been pulled from under me. I had lost my best friend, and the very idea of never seeing him again put my stomach in knots.

We filled up the last tank of gas that would get us to our new home, then got back in the van and buckled our seat belts. Even the clouds were sad, or at least it seemed that way, as the rain started to tap on the windshield, and the thunder rolled in. With the brakes squeaking, we pulled up to our new home, which looked like an old farm house and a rather creepy one through the blurry windshield.

"On the count of three ... one, two, three, go!" said Mama.

Mama and I took off running from the car, splashing through the puddle that was in front of the porch steps. Grandpa had an umbrella and took his time. I was cold and wet, so I shivered and huddled around Mom as she fiddled around for the keys in her pocket. With a final nudge from her hip, the door swung open, making a creepy squeaking sound. Mom and I both looked at each other wonder mixed with a bit of fear. The house was old and creaky and squeaked with every step or move. The wind would howl, and the tree branches would make funny shapes by the windows, but we explored the house, finding it big and roomy for me and Mama and Grandpa, and had more rooms than any house I've seen. Standing in the living room, I felt a small bit of hope that things were going to be all right. Looking at Mom, I grinned and nodded my head and said, "You did good, Mom. It has potential."

"Good! I'm glad you like it," said Mom.

"It'll be scary here at night without you," I said.

"But I'll be with you, baby. I got a daytime job, so I'll be home a few hours after you get off the bus," said Mama.

The next morning was Sunday, so I didn't have school. Due to the rain, we had left the boxes in the van last night, but Mama told me that there wasn't a lot to unload and to go play while she took care of that.

#  12 A New Beginning

It wasn't long before we started to fix up the house, and we were excited because the house would be beautiful when we were through—something that middle-class people like us could never afford. Mama had gotten the house cheaper than expected, but there was a lot to be done; it needed the Sheetrock put up, carpet or tile on the floors, and more, but at least she had found a good-paying 9-to-5 job, which meant that she would be home an hour or so after I got off the school bus.

The weird part was it seemed someone had bought all the materials and had begun construction and then abruptly left. Everything that we needed to fix up the house was already there: brand new doors and boxes of tile, stacks of Sheetrock and rolls of carpet plus the padding. Mama and I worked on the house every night after she got home from work, while Grandpa Chuck would drink his coffee and sweep the same section of the porch. It was the best part of my life now. Without Teddy, I was just sleepwalking through school, year after year.

Painting the front porch was the final project. Mama and I collapsed in the front yard, both of us covered in the overspray of white paint from painting the porch rails. It took a little over four months, but we were finally finished with the house.

***

April 7, 2010

I started down the school hallway, not really making eye contact with anyone. I wondered to myself if everyone's conversation centered on me. I know that was probably not the case, but it sure felt that way. I began to analyze my walk. _Come on, Robin. Left and right. Left, then right_. Before I knew it, my legs became entangled in an invisible wire. I bet my schoolmates must have been focused on my crippled walk, because their smiles seemed to get bigger with every step I took.

Finally I was at my locker. _I made it. Good God Almighty, I made it!_ I did my best to stare straight into my locker and organize my books. It's not that I was really OCD about organization, but the longer I stood at my locker, the more people left for their next class, the fewer people for me to deal with. As the sound of the voices became less audible, I slowly closed my locker door, all the while still staring straight ahead. My bangs covered most of my view, but I could still see that, in the corner of my eye, the coast was clear and that it was safe to leave.

At this point I had already mapped out the best escape routes to help me avoid contact with anyone. Under the blond curtains of hair I navigated to the stairway. A couple people were still in the halls. I could tell from the shoes that passed in my line of sight. Lunch was much the same way, only now I had the extra challenge of carrying my plate all while walking.

Even in the midst of this crowd of people, I still found myself alone again. Once more I was back to where I started, as an outcast, but only now an older version, weathered from years of hurt caused by my hands and others. I cried a lot and mostly at school and always unnoticed. The only thing that I had ever wanted was to belong, and to be loved and accepted. No one ever knew that I was in so much pain, but, if they were to lift up my veil of hair, they would see eyes scorched by the salt of my tears.

The thing is, I desperately wanted that, someone to give a damn and lift up my bangs and wipe away my tears. Mama loved me, and I knew that, but I was missing something. As satisfying as it was to hear Mama say, _I love you_ , it was like a bathtub being filled with the purest love but without the plug in the drain. On the bus I would count the potholes to know when I was close to home, and, when my feet finally hit the gravel in the front yard, it was like a small victory.

***

April 14, 2010

It was the first school day of the week, and it had rained almost the entire time. On the ride home, rain continued to pelt the windows of the bus, but, when it idled at my house, the rain had stopped. I found myself roaming my home, bored out of my mind, as the sound of the rainwater draining from the roof could be heard in the background. Usually Grandpa Chuck would sit and talk with me, but the rain had put him in bed a little earlier.

I thought about how I used to explore my old backyard and how strange it was that here there were eleven and a half acres of land, and I had not even attempted to discover any of it. Even though we had fixed up the house, it was still not level, and the back door required some skill to open. I wrapped my shirt around the door handle to get a better grip and gave it a hard jerk, and it opened. Walking out on the old wooden back porch, I heard my shoes make a funny suction sound from the moisture left from the earlier rain.

Standing at the edge of the porch, I could see that the backyard grass had grown as high as three feet in some places. A rusted white metal shed was the only man-made object—other than the house of course—and it had been devoured by the weeds. Even the trees seemed to be overtaken by the grass.

Propped against wall on the back porch was a large stick that was knotted and would make a nice makeshift sword, so I grabbed it and used it to probe the ground in front of me as I walked in the high weeds, just to make sure it was safe. After taking my first step, it was a little squishy from the mud, and the grass matted down, but it was fine. I kind of liked that sort of thing. Between the old white shed and a large oak tree seemed like a good area to start the exploration of my new backyard.

I couldn't move very fast because the grass was intertwined with itself, and the only thing that worked for me was to stab my stick through the blanket of grass and lay it over, so then I could step on it and press down a clear path. I had been so busy focusing on what was at my feet that I didn't even notice the massive red barn. There was no telling how long this thing had been here, and it was obviously old. The barn had been infected with the moss that was also on the surrounding trees. Some of the red paint had bled through the moss but showed no signs of victory.

The thorns from some weed and the grass intertwined, covering the entire building that went up a good twenty feet. The door was to the right of me, and, strangely enough, it seemed to be double insulated with the thick thorny vines. I kicked at the bottom of the door, but each time my foot slipped because of the moss. The door flexed at my final kick, and the seal of the door peeled away and swung open. I then grabbed the stick and chopped at the remaining hanging vines of thorns.

With one glance I was instantly struck with déjà vu, and I immediately thought about something I hadn't remembered in years. Even though the room was dark, I could still see from the little sunlight that found its way inside. This was almost identical to Adam's house: a rusted red lantern on the ground, a fire pit in the corner and a small round table with a piece of paper softly flapping from the breeze. I slowly stepped on the dirt-covered floor and cautiously approached the table. I reached for the sheet of paper as my heart beat out of my chest.

When I heard Mama calling me in the distance, I paused for a moment and looked back in the general direction of the house, but I knew this sheet of paper could confirm for me that Kenosh and Adam were real, so I continued toward it. My fingertips touched the edge of the paper when a loud bang from behind me startled me.

I bolted out the door, scrapping my ear on a hanging thorn as the sting of the wind rushed past my ears. I stood still, in front of the barn, wanting to know if this was real, but, at the same time, if it was real, it would scare the hell out of me. Mama was on the back porch screaming for me at the top of her lungs. If it hadn't been for her, I would have gotten a better look at the building that was a few feet in front of me beyond the weeds.

To keep her from worrying, I threw down the stick and ran as fast as I could. The path that I had carved seemed to grow longer with every step I took, but I knew I was getting closer by the sound of Mama's voice getting louder. I rounded the corner and charged out of the jungle of dead trees and grass. "Mama, what's wrong?" I said, while gasping for air and holding my left ear.

I don't know why I seem to home in on objects that poke at my memory of Kenosh; maybe it was because my memories of that place were so strong that my mind refused to let it go.

Or maybe I'm just plumb crazy.

#  13 Cooties

April 17, 2014

It was a Thursday afternoon, and I was busy counting the wood grains at the lunch table and doodling in my diary when I heard the voice of a guy behind me say, "Excuse me. Do you mind if I sit here?"

I turned around and looked up and saw a boy that I had never seen before, but then again I really kept to myself. I didn't look at him long because he was very handsome, and that made me nervous. "Sure," I said softly and looked back down and bit into a French fry. The boy sat down a little too close beside me, so I wiggled some space between us. I returned to my doodles but became uneasy, knowing that a cute boy was sitting beside me, one who actually acknowledged my presence.

I had gone almost the entire year without having one single conversation with another student until now. My mind sparked, and immediately I started debating whether I should get up or stay and have a conversation like a normal human being. I thought to myself, _Stay, Robin. Stay, don't be rude_.

His voice cleared, and he said, "How ..."

Before he could finish his sentence, I nervously got up and threw my plate in the trash, which probably looked a bit odd because it was a plastic school tray. Clenching my backpack strap, I raced out of the lunchroom and didn't look back, cringing at what I had done.

I know this might sound stupid, but my mind would race at the idea of being with him and having a future with him. I thought to myself, _I know he just asked if he could sit down, and there were other tables to sit at, but he chose to sit next to me! ... And I got up and left. ... Wait. I forgot my diary. Oh, no! If he reads it, he will think I am a freak for sure. Real smooth, Robin. Real smooth_ ...

I stopped and peeked through the crack between the wall and the lunchroom door, but he was gone and so was my diary. With my back against the wall, I slid down to the ground and had a feeling that I had never had before. Suddenly I found no interest in the things that I normally liked to do, and the only thing I could think of was this boy—whose name I didn't even know—and I'd already made future plans of being married to him. This was definitely not normal for me; I had prided myself on being a loner and never planned on changing—that was until _he_ happened. When I got home, I spent the rest of the night revising my look. I mean, if he was the one for me, I wouldn't want to scare him away looking like Morticia Addams from _The Addams Family_. I had even gone so far as wearing contacts, which were a pain to deal with.

***

April 18, 2010

The next day in history class I nervously watched the clock land on 11:45 for lunch. When I would divert myself from the clock, strangely I kept catching the boys in class gawking and smiling at me. When I grew tired of the stares, I said with frustration, "What in the freak are you staring at, pip-squeak?" I buried my head in my book, and, before I knew it, the bell finally rang. I raced for the lunchroom and sat at the same table that I always do and waited, but the boy never showed.

I thought about how he must have been a new guy from a different school and probably had been nervous on his first day. I played through different scenarios in my head, and, with each one, I was the bad guy with my cruel, unwelcome dismissal of his attempt at conversation. I had the entire weekend to beat myself up about what I had done. I was in my room, busy bouncing a soccer ball against the ceiling and driving myself crazy, when I heard a knock on my bedroom door.

"Robin, may I come in?" asked Mama.

"Sure, why not? It's not like anyone else will ever talk to me again," I muttered.

Mama opened the door, carrying a basketful of laundry, squeezing past my dresser. She sat at the edge of my bed, and I noticed she had been crying.

"Mama, what's wrong?" I asked.

She turned to me and said, "It's your grandpa Chuck. ... He found out today that he's sick. .... They say it's cancer."

As fast as I could, I ran out the back door and headed straight for the red barn and thought to myself, _I have to know if Kenosh is real, so I can save Grandpa_. In a blink of an eye, I was standing there in the red barn near the table with my heart pounding, gasping for air. With my hand trembling, I slowly stretched out my arm and snatched up the paper. I couldn't believe my eyes, there it was. ...

The Prophecy of the Solo Elite

In our dark days of the Swine in the land of Kenosh,

A young Robin washed from the waters of the sea will rise

up against the Swine, who feed off the misery and

the hopelessness of others, and destroy them with the

faith of many, and she will be known as Solo Elite.

"Oh, my God. I'm not crazy," I whispered under my breath.

I instinctively flipped over the sheet of paper, and I thought my heart would stop after what I read next.

Robin, in case you thought you were crazy, I have left you this to confirm you're not—well, maybe a little. I will leave you the last piece of the puzzle. I am alive and well.

With love, Teddy.

"Yes! Teddy, you're alive! I hear you, buddy!"

I screamed while doing a spastic dance.

"OK, so where is the last piece of the puzzle?" I asked, and then a faint noise caught my attention.

I looked down at my feet, and a hospital bracelet was under my right shoe and was crinkling in the breeze. I gently pulled the bracelet free and read it to myself.

Adam Garza

Madison Cancer Research Center

401 Primrose Drive

Primrose Drive? That's a couple miles down the road!

#  14 No Time To Waste

Grandpa needed me, and I knew exactly what I had to do now. I must first find Adam and then our way to Kenosh. Grandpa would be there waiting for me.

I ran as fast as I could back to the house and grabbed Grandpa's bike that was leaning against the house. It was made in the '70s and had a banana seat with a flat back tire, but there was plenty of rim and little time to waste. I hopped the curb and pedaled my way downtown. I know I must have looked ridiculous on that bike, and my legs were on fire, but I couldn't stop. Grandpa needed me. I headed down Fourth Street through a construction zone, and, at last, there was Primrose Drive. I rounded the corner and drove through the flowers straight to the front door to the research center.

"Excuse me, miss. Can you tell me what room Adam Garza is in?" I asked the receptionist.

"Hmm, let's see. Adam Garza ... He is in room 1985. That's down the hall to the right."

As I passed various doctors and nurses' stations, time seemed to stop as I counted the room numbers on the wall.

"OK, 1981, 1983, 1985."

I slowly turned the corner and hesitated to enter the room. I stopped by the doorway. A woman was in there, packing up belongings, folding pants, stuffing them in a hospital bag.

"Hi, sweetie. Are you looking for someone?"

I cleared my throat and nervously replied, "Yes, Adam Garza."

"Oh, I'm sorry, sweetie. You just missed him. He wanted to ride home with his brother. They left to head back to Dallas."

I took a step into the room. "You're his mother?"

"I have been now for a few years, but, yes, I am his mother." She grinned. "I don't believe he has ever told me of any girl in his life."

Taking another step, I spoke up and said, "I am Robin."

"Robin? You know, Adam used to always talk about a girl named Robin, Of course that was around the time when he was getting better," she said, and then paused. "Well, it was nice to meet you, sweetie. Adam is supposed to call me when he gets home. I'll tell him you came to visit."

"OK, thank you, ma'am."

With my head down, I walked out into the hallway and muttered to myself, "Well, great. What do I do now?" My legs were way too tired to pedal my way back home, and frankly I was too depressed to even try anyway. I asked to use the phone at the nurses' station to call home to ask Mama to pick me up. I shuffled to the lobby and slumped down in a chair and waited for Mama to arrive. Out of the corner of my eye, I noticed someone was staring at me, so I turned myself away and pretended to watch TV. He then got up and sat in the chair next to me.

"I figured you might want this back," he said.

I looked down, and he was holding my diary. I turned back around and glimpsed at his face and nervously avoided eye contact." You're the one from school, aren't you?" I asked.

"That's too funny. You really don't remember, do you?" he asked.

"I don't know you're from my school?" I asked.

The boy chuckled and said, "Here, maybe this will help," while pulling back his hair and covering it with his hands.

"Adam?"

I couldn't believe it. I had found Adam, and he had been right in front of me the entire time. Sitting here, I had this revelation, that as long as I was alive and there were diseases in this world, there will always be a need for me in another realm. I knew Teddy would be there waiting for me, but I guess now the only question was: how on earth do we get back to Kenosh?

#  Robin

I...Who am I? Screams from the inside beg and plead for a foot hole that would give relief from the false ideas of what I have believed. Day and night my sprit stumbles on broken ground. Blistered and bleeding my wounds are visible for everyone. I am labeled a man, word that means power and leader. I dig for these qualities' only to find pieces that are not complete. I am numb. I am smothered by failure and by the harassment I have suffered by the hands of myself. Now I slump down defeated and alone in this dark pit. It is silent, when suddenly a pin hole of light grows above me. I muster what strength I have left. I say hello? I heard the sweetest softest voice I am here. I called for my rescuers name as the warm glow comforts me. _I am Robin_ she replied _. I am yours and you are mine_. I began to weep, but why have you chosen me? _God has heard your cries and has sent me to you. To give you hope and walk again_. I stand, as a new. I am complete. I wipe my eyes and proudly say well let's begin.

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