 
Crtl-Salt-Del: A Life Rebooted

Phil Wohl

Smashwords Edition

Copyright 2014 Phil Wohl

This eBook is licensed for your personal enjoyment only. This eBook may not be re-sold or given away to other people. If you would like to share this book with another person, please purchase an additional copy for each recipient. If you're reading this book and did not purchase it, or it was not purchased for your use only, then please return to Smashwords.com and purchase your own copy. Thank you for respecting the hard work of this author.

Prologue

I suppose it was all part of a plan that was laid out for me from the start. From the day I was born and my grandfather looked deep in my eyes and downloaded a fail-safe that would protect me in case of a free fall. Being given a parachute that would break my fall has always given me the courage to take flight on, to take educated chances that I knew would lead to better days.

When nightmares come true, the surreal nature of the acts tended to make me recess so far into the shadows that it became uncertain if I would ever find the light again. Restless days turned into nights and nights turned into weeks and years. Life really never made sense to me given the chain of abuse that impacting me early in life and then again when I had the joy of having my own kids.

This is a book I didn't want to write because an iteration of the truth tends to hurt a lot more than a single idea wrapped in a blanket of fiction. Writing has always been my outlet, my solitary therapy, and obvious preparation to baring my soul in the following pages. I have often felt like an innocent bystander dropped in the middle of a situation that had absolutely nothing to do with me. A word of advice: if you surround yourself with toxic people then clouds will certainly follow you. Run, run as far away from the heat and as fast and as long as you can go until the sound of your own rhythmic heartbeat composes a symphony of peace.

When it is all said and done we will all be piles of dust while our spirits move on to bigger and better things. If life has frozen you cold, please do not hesitate to be willing to change and reboot an otherwise limiting and soul-crushing experience.

Phil

End

As David Zucker watched the casket of his late wife being lowered into the ground, he thought the worst must surely be over and it was time to start the slow healing process to begin life anew. However, his calculations would prove to be more than 10 years premature, as the brunt of life's headwind was poised to gust directly against progress in order to show David what rock-bottom was really about.

He stood up at the podium at the cemetery's chapel holding hands with his six year-old daughter and three year-old son, the sight of which brought tears to the eyes of the 100-plus attendees before he even spoke a word. Cancer had taken Elise Zucker at 38 years old, ending a tortured life and releasing one of god's best bakers into the stratosphere to make zucchini breads and cookies for a chosen few. As usual, David was trying to accentuate the positive and put a ray of sunshine on an otherwise cloudy day.

"I would like to thank you all for coming despite the snowy conditions. Your commitment to Elise is evident on this day." He then took a deep breath, "I would like you all to close your eyes for a moment," he said as he looked down at his tiny son and winked, knowing that he would close his eyes at first. He then looked over at his daughter who was faking closing her eyes, leaving just enough daylight to keep an eye on everything that was in front of her.

He continued, "I want us all to remember all of the good times with Elise and her electric green eyes and glowing smile," as the crowd's collective mood turned from sorrow to unfiltered joy.

"Her life was about helping people and creating things that made people happy." He patted his small belly, which had been more distended in happier days, "My enlarged stomach is proof of her true baking talent!"

The crowd laughed and then listened to David talk for only another few minutes before they proceeded to the burial site. It had been a blustery mid-January morning, complete with snow flurries, but the weather seemed to shift once David revealed one of his personal creations.

"It is customary to shovel dirt on the casket, but I want to divert from convention because Elise wanted nothing to do with dirt," as the crowd laughed, knowing that she had a penchant for cleanliness.

"Instead," he continued, "I would like to replace the dirt with these rose petals," he disclosed, lifting up the bags of rose petals he had been saving for weeks.

At most funerals, only a few people usually step forward to shovel dirt into a grave, but almost everyone grabbed a few brightly-colored pedals and floated them effortlessly into the air and through Elise's radiant soul, which was in the space between the casket and the people. She smiled broadly, as her mood was reflected in the weather as the cold, cloudy day upgraded from the warmth of the full sun. It was the oddest of sites, seeing people stay for more than 20 minutes at the gravesite to talk and share good tidings. David looked back and thought that it was everything Elise would have wanted in a gathering, save for the bake goods and her corporeal presence.

It was the best day the family had experienced for months... it was also a year and-a-half removed from Harmony Zucker's discovery of a bump on her mother's left elbow. The inquisitive child noticed something out of place, but she subsequently regretted her find as if her ignorance could have somehow prevented the inevitable. The bump signified a cancer that was already too far along to be stopped—like a turkey whose temperature indicator popped up—although the trusted doctors were quick to tap the multi-million dollar revenue stream that was Elise Zucker.

As Hospice moved in to comfort her in her final days, Elise invited people back in her life to renew the ties that once bound them together. It was one of the rare moments in life when closure was actually within reach. It no longer mattered to her that friendships had been previously lost, because they were now found again in a matter of moments.

David hadn't slept much in months and awoke the last day when the sun rose and noticed that his wife's spirit had left, her breathing transitioning to an escalated pace before shutting down. He now had the foresight of a medical professional, which Elise could not keep up this pace of breath and would be officially gone within hours. David made calls to Elise's mother, Francine, and then her sister, Ellen, before alerting Hospice of the situation.

Francine showered quickly and then zoomed over to David's house within 30 minutes, but Ellen was a predictable no-show, her lack of support being an expected response and a beacon of things to come. The moment of death was about as clinical and non-emotional as it could be. Elise's beaten and weathered body had taken it last breath and her inactive chest let David and Francine know that the struggle was finally over. An hour later, they stood in the garage together and watched as Elise's bones and skin were taken out in a black body bag, which caused both of them to share some tears. It had been the most together they had ever been in their 13-year association, with Francine preferring to keep David at arm's-length because of her widespread distrust of men.

David collapsed in sleep later that afternoon as the family prepared for the funeral. He awoke the morning of the funeral thinking the worst was over, until he was getting three year-old Max ready for the day and he had a seizure. A rapid spike in body temperature had triggered these types of seizures on a few occasions before this day, but David held his convulsing boy and looked up through the bathroom ceiling and begged for mercy. He wondered, "How much pain can one person endure?"

The answer to that question must have been, "Let's find out!"

Elise

Elise and David were at the general practitioner's office and were told she had "tennis elbow." David instantly thought, "Don't you have to play tennis to get tennis elbow?"

Neither of them ever thought the one-inch round bump was anything more than a fixable ailment but when the pain persisted, Elise pushed ahead and made an appointment with a doctor that her mother knew. Somehow, it appears that if you know someone, they instantly become better at something than someone you don't know...

Dr. Morris Feingold surveyed the bump like he was checking the condition of his stamp collection. The length and detail of the exam made both Elise and David feel uneasy.

"I think we should biopsy this just to make sure?" Feingold said in one breath and then shifted gears and asked, "So, how is your mother doing? I owe her a call," all the while displaying a bedside manner befitting a nomadic Hun.

David and Elise were speechless on the walk to the car and the entire 20-minute drive home, until he pulled into the driveway.

"You know, everything's gonna' be all right," David the eternal optimist said with a tinge of confidence in his voice.

Elise was the eternal pessimist and couldn't shake the raw feelings of possible exposure to the disease that all Long-Islanders fear. She had always been diligent in checking her breasts for lumps but never considered checking other body parts.

"I hope so," she said before breaking down.

She melted into his arms and he assured her, "I know so," as Aunt Brenda followed Harmony out of the house with a squirming Max in her arms. David's younger sister was involved in the life of her brother and his kids, probably too involved.

Elise pulled a tissue out of her purse and wiped her eyes dry before exiting the car. Harmony looked at her mom and saw everything she needed to know. At four years-old she was wise beyond her years, but she wasn't wise enough to be handling the mental anguish that was starting to curl around her heart like a boa constrictor.

"You all right, mommy?" Harmony asked.

Elise almost lost it right there but took Harmony's hand in hers and replied, "Yes, angel. Mommy's just fine."

David went over to snatch up Max, who was grunting for him.

"What happened?" an impatient Brenda asked her brother.

"Not now," David replied. "Do me a favor and go now. I'll call you later."

"Later" in the mind of Brenda Zucker was a good 35 minutes, give or take a few seconds. The Zucker's found comfort in amplifying even the simplest of situations, but this was indeed an opportunity to investigate a truly worthy situation for a change.

The phone rang and David reached over to his night table and picked up the earpiece, "Hello."

"David, what's going on? Does she have cancer?" Phyllis Zucker said on the other end of the line cutting right to the chase. David's mother's subtlety was often jettisoned to pile up in a symbolic storage container located in the outer reaches of the moth ball-smelling basement.

He looked back at his wife who was curled up in the fetal position and in the midst of her further retreat from the world.

"We're taking a rest. Everything is okay," he stated as his days of positive spinning had officially begun. David hung up the phone and turned on his left side in order to tuck his wife in. She grabbed his hand but said nothing as her typical reaction to strife was silence.

Elise was awake for a few minutes staring at the empty white wall, all the while thinking about her strange life. She thought back to her decade-long battle with what doctors called Ulcerated colitis, which was triggered by unrelenting anxiety she had from the events surrounding her earlier years and parents' divorce. From her mid-teens to her mid-twenties waves of tension would take her over any time she became stressed. It was a constant struggle that she had finally overcome a few years after meeting David.

Six months after they met, David and Elise planned to go to Florida to visit her grandmother. A few hours before the flight was scheduled to take off, in a time before long lines at the airport check-in and stringent security protocol, Elise panicked. It seemed like the more David tried to calm her down, the deeper she recessed into her dark place. The only action capable of pulling her out of the funk was rescheduling the trip.

"I can't go," she said while sobbing into a tissue.

"We still have time. Just breathe and it will be all right," David said in an effort to calm her down.

"You don't understand. I really can't go."

He was confused, "Do you mean now, or never?"

She sobbed, "Now."

David didn't want to pile on and ask more questions of his frail girlfriend, who was apparently having some sort of short-term breakdown. As time passed, however, Elise became more comfortable and trusting of David and her anxiety lessened, at least about matters that concerned them both.

Dr. Lawrence Boroughs was billed as the leading sarcoma surgeon in the country, if not the world. In fact, he literally wrote the book on the complicated and generally unsuccessful procedures and treatments of virtually untreatable disease.

Boroughs was an impressive man, standing six feet, five inches long and thin. This was one doctor that actually cared as much about the product inside as treating the product outside. In contrast, the Zucker family physician, Dr. Mark Palumbo, was a few Twinkie's shy of 300 pounds and often preached about the benefits of lowering cholesterol without the slightest thought about adjusting his own gluttonous intake.

Dr. Boroughs was the master at delivering hope in a package wrapped in reality. He never promised results and made patients and their families feel that he would give it his best shot, which was anticipated to be better than anyone else could do.

Elise's initial surgery took in excess of three hours to complete. David sat in the sterile waiting room of Mount Sinai Hospital in New York City accompanied by Elise's mother, Francine Lerner, and her husband Ed. Being a Wall Street analyst had its advantages when evaluating public companies, but did little to squelch David's gut feeling that the excessive length of the procedure was a bad sign.

David's first recollection of Francine Lerner was a fairly positive one, proving that initial impressions can indeed be deceiving. He met his future mother-in-law only two days after meeting her daughter at Bloomingdale's on Third Avenue, where she was a makeup salesperson.

It was 1988 and computers were still in their more primitive stages before former Vice President and Nobel Prize Winner Al Gore unwittingly discovered the Internet. In those days, fledging writer David was truly in his element responding to personal dating ads in a newsletter via regular mail. Needless to say, there were no LOL's or BFF's in this one-page response in the form of a letter. David also enclosed a picture of him and waited three or four days until the letter found its mark.

The first date, which took place on a Thursday night in May at about six o'clock, was only truly blind for one person. But David was confident that this date and this girl would be special...

Elise and David turned out to be souls in need of each other. David needed to get out of his parents' house and lead a more stable life and Elise needed simply to feel love, to be genuinely loved. Despite battling inner demons, Elise always had a big, beautiful smile and face that was further lit up by her dazzling aqua eyes and full lips.

She went on a few dates but nothing ever came close to materializing. Dating prognosticators would say it was a combination of Elise being a plus-size woman and her general sense of frigidity. Neither of these supposed roadblocks concerned David because he didn't initially notice it.

He eyed each person that came out of the employees' entrance at Bloomingdale's, and a range of emotions washed over him. One minute he was set for life and the next he was set to put on his track shoes and run across the 59th Street Bridge until he hit the grimy confines of Long Island City.

After about 20 minutes of pacing back and forth on the corner, a woman finally made eye contact with David. Those blue eyes shook David to his core, and Elise had trouble settling down until she saw the watch on his left wrist. To Elise, the watch would tell her everything she needed to know about her date. She grabbed his wrist as they started walking to the restaurant—the quick flip of the leather-banded, gold-faced watch revealed a middle-of the-road brand.

"What do you think?" David asked looking for some sort of taste affirmation.

Elise nodded her head and then smirked, "Not bad... but we can do better."

Within minutes, David's left hand slipped around Elise's right hand and she didn't budge. Normally such a gesture would be greeted by an uncomfortable twitch that would free her from such a bond, but on this evening she found herself giving into the natural events that were unfolding.

All night together spilled over to lunch the next day, and then a weekend in the Hampton's at her stepfather's summer house. David was exiled to the boat that was docked at the shore and his six-foot, six-inch frame was worse for the ware the next morning. There was a discussion the night before about where he would sleep and the family decided to let the new dog sleep on the porch. A few more people showed up than expected but the family, mostly Ed's mother Gladys, would not let anyone sleep on the couch.

After a few hours of non-REM sleep, David got access to the shower once he was allowed back in the house then ventured out to his car to put the dirty clothes in the trunk of his car. When he slammed the trunk of the white car closed, Elise was standing on the other side of the car looking anxious.

"Are you leaving?" she said with all of the apprehension of a neglected three-year old.

David figured it would take a lot more than a night on a boat to scare him off. Anything short of a sex-change operation, or lack thereof, and he would remain firmly planted on the relationship ground.

"No! Why would you think that?" David said in a slightly surprised, yet reassuring tone of voice.

He walked over to Elise and gave her a hug and a kiss on the forehead. He whispered, "I'm not going anywhere," in the first of hundreds, maybe thousands, of similar statements intended to reassure her.

Flashing forward to the initial cancer operation, Dr. Boroughs strode into the waiting room looking exhausted, beaten and every bit of 60 years old. David had seen that look on sports opponents before and had worn the look of loss on his face many times at the end of games.

The doctor's words bounced off David like they were never intended to see the light of day.

"It took a lot longer than we thought," was the first statement that propelled David to become an observer, rather than a participant in the surreal experience.

"We didn't get the kind of margin we were looking for," was Dr. Boroughs' most open-ended, cryptic statement.

David asked, "What does that mean?"

The doctor should probably have said, "That means that there's a real good chance that the cancer has passed the threshold and will spread throughout your wife's body until it kills her," but he remained loyal to his medical facility and replied, "We got a large percentage of it, and we're hoping that an aggressive program of radiation and chemotherapy will help neutralize the disease."

David's only concern was for his wife, "Did you tell her yet?"

The doctor looked David square in the eyes, as the two men were roughly the same height, "I am about hope, Mr. Zucker. And as long as there is life, there is hope."

Francine Lerner fought back the tears and added, "That's right," in one of those rare occurrences when life had her by the balls and she could do little to steamroll. In her mind, no obstacle was worthy of standing in her way but in reality, Francine Lerner's 'way' was always littered with emotional and spiritual baggage that impeded her path at every step but never slowed her capacity for continuous speech.

"Thank god," she said. It was quite a candid reaction from a closet atheist that used higher powers only when good things were needed.

Elise was destroyed both mentally and physically after the operation and, most likely, had left her best days behind her. Her elbow was completely reconstructed after the "scooping out" was completed, but it never looked quite right after that. She was always shy about her body and this would only serve to shroud her even more.

The Asshole Was Right

Eighteen months later it was nearing the end of the year and the commencement of winter cold was building on the foundation of the crisp, fall air. It had been a long year and-a-half for Elise and David but they would have gladly kept going with the promise of just a little more time.

Elise had been through a handful of operations and countless streams of poison running through her veins. She even spent four barbaric days in seclusion in a radiation chamber, which only served to anger the unstoppable toxic beast inside of her. The doctors obviously had no new ideas, because the methods they utilized had been around for more than 50 years and had were outdated decades earlier.

The family was hovering in a comfortably numb stage until they stumbled upon Dr. Albert Bernstein a few months earlier. No medical professional could tell the absolute truth whether all of the treatments and operations were at all effective, so the path led the group to Bernstein. It was not unlike Francine Lerner to talk to both acquaintances and strangers alike about the vivid details of her life. The connection to Bernstein was forged through a friend of a friend, who happened to be friends with the doctor's wife.

Elise and David were full of hope when they met Francine and Ed at the downtown Manhattan hospital on that balmy early October day. Sadly, the weather was the only warmth they would be exposed to on that day.

The new-age facility was beautiful, further fueling hopes that an alternative treatment would be in the offing. This was the final ray of hope for David, who was unable to stay away from finally researching her disease. Everything he had read spelled out the incurability of the disease, but he would not fully accept her fate until Dr. Bernstein set the record straight.

David's hair had grown back from their dual sheering, but Elise was still sporting a burgundy Nike baseball cap to disguise her lack of hair. She flirted with wearing a wig when her hair started falling out from the chemotherapy, but she decided against it. David decided to have his hair buzzed along with Elise when it was time to preempt the inevitable, in a symbol of solidarity. Not surprisingly, this was the only side effect from cancer that they were able to share.

Dr. Bernstein performed an examination for a few minutes and then looked quickly at the films. He was never one to sugar-coat anything, even if his words had the force of an atomic bomb.

"If you had come to be a year ago, you might have had a chance. But even then, I don't think you would have survived."

Four people looked at him for clarification, or some sign of hope, but that ended forever with his final viciously-honest strike, "Realistically, you might have a few months left."

Bernstein walked out of the room without trying to console anyone, leaving four shattered souls to fend for them. David had been holding back tears for months, preferring strength and denial over pity, but Dr. Bernstein gutted him to the core. Tears flowed out of his eyes as he truly felt alone for the first time. Francine and David had a good cry, but somehow Ed and Elise remained dry on the sidelines.

Ed, to his credit, was a rock for Francine. He was so steady, in fact, that it was possible that he was born without tear ducts. Elise had not stopped crying since the diagnosis, so she really might have felt freer knowing that the torture and pain would soon be coming to an end. Of course, this would also end her life.

To her credit, Elise didn't look like she was going die in a few months. It must have been her years as a makeup specialist that helped keep her face together. Hearing that her daughter was going to die threw Francine into a whole other level of denial. She then found another doctor, only hours after Bernstein's diagnosis, which came recommended by yet another friend.

David had toed the line between politeness and curtness in the years he knew Francine, but all he really wanted now was a few quiet moments with his wife. Forging that sanctuary of peace was not only essential it was the only route that David would accept.

"I was talking to Margie Prosser, and she thinks we should go to Dr. Marcus again" Francine said to David and Elise as they sat in yet another waiting room.

A storm had been brewing inside of the mild-mannered David for weeks. He normally needed his space from Francine, and her non-stop prattling finally hit his verbal bitch-slap nerve.

"It doesn't matter anymore!" David exclaimed. "Why do you have to constantly name-drop? That doctor was a moron! Can we please just move on!" David yelled as he stood up, "Sorry, Elise." He got up and walked away before fully exploding—he didn't want to waste another minute of his life and what was left of his wife's breath.

After that outburst, Francine was a little more reserved, at least by Francine standards, and David was able to focus only on the needs of his wife. Dr. Emily Patton was the proverbial last stop on the medical express. She was the polar opposite of Dr. Bernstein, which was easily the more humane approach at that point in time.

"I'm sorry you had to experience that," Dr. Patton said in her most nurturing voice.

David was now in full acceptance mode and was no longer shying away from the tough questions, "Was he right?"

"Sadly, I believe he is," the doctor replied. "But that doesn't mean that we can't try a new combination of drugs in a limited dose. Our options are limited at this point, but that doesn't mean we can't take one last shot at it."

David looked at Elise and knew what question to ask, "Chemo?"

The doctor reached out and grabbed Elise's hand—tears rolling down the patient's face—and she whispered, "No more chemo."

Elise melted into David's arms and he mouthed to the doctor, "Thank you."

It was debatable if the last round of drugs that were administered over a three-week span were even drugs at all. David had the hunch that a placebo with some pain killer might have been substituted in order to ease Elise's physical and mental anguish.

It was now mid-December and Elise was nearing the end of her treatment. It was Chanukah and the families always had a tradition of getting together. Francine loved to entertain, although she had a thing about hoarding leftovers and then scarfing them down in the sanctity of the wee hours. At her house that night were David, Elise, Harmony and Max Zucker, her other daughter Ellen Landau, her husband Barry and their kids Sarah and Nathan, and her stepdaughter Zoe Lerner.

By this time in the process, Elise barely had an appetite. Her days consisted of sleeping and shuffling off to the bathroom whenever she got the strength to get up when David wasn't home. Otherwise David was on around-the-clock call when she had to go. Elise must have had the smallest bladder in history because she would go every hour during the night. Not that David was sleeping through the night anyway—three or four hours of sleep per day was becoming commonplace for him—bad dreams were just as realistic during the day as they were at night now. There was nowhere to hide, so David decided to come out in the open and take his life ass-whipping as a man, not a beaten-down shell of himself.

By the end of the dinner, it was apparent that Elise had to go home and rest. Francine tried to offer her to lie down on one of the guest bedrooms but Elise's pride prevented her from showing weakness to her family. She looked up at David and he said, "It's time to go."

Francine tried to extend the night as long as possible because she had the gnawing feeling that her daughter would never step foot in her house again. As usual, everything wound up being about her and what she wanted, but her hunch was on the money. David carried a tired Max to the car and made sure that both he and Harmony were secured in the back seat of their SUV. He looked up at Harmony expected to see her crying but all he saw was a blank slate. Normally he would have stopped and tried to reassure his daughter, but all of his focus was on caring for his wife. Besides attending to his children's basic needs, there wasn't much more left in the tank at the end of the day.

The goodbye was excruciating. Sister Ellen and mom Francine put on quite the show—it's possible that Francine even kissed the car at one point. David got another look from his wife that it was time to put the pedal to the medal, so he rolled out of the semi-circle gravel driveway and wished he hadn't looked back. In the rearview mirror were Francine and Ellen melting together and crying hysterically, which even got to the now-distant David. The whole scene was so surreal that he had checked out mentally months prior and was now simply focused on tending to Elise's and giving her any comfort that could be found.

Final Days

It wasn't long before Dr. Patton was also visible in the rear-view mirror, as the completion of her treatment represented the last doctor on the long list. She was humane enough to set up a relationship with Hospice, so Elise's needs could be cared for in the last few weeks. David initially resisted the request, thinking that he was handling things just fine by himself, but the good doctor quickly reasoned with him and he acquiesced.

After the Chanukah holiday fiasco, David could no longer see going back to work. It was time for him to be by his wife's side 24/7 until the end. He was already working sporadic hours, although strangely enough it also seemed to bolster his standing in the company.

At first, David's leave of absence at work was expected to be a few weeks to a month. Either he had become such a valuable member of the team, or they were just too lazy to go the process of replacing a manager. The minute David stopped going into the office in lower Manhattan every day—and he left behind the rigorous 90-minutes-plus commute each way—the inertia went from "in motion" to "not in motion." No longer was his momentum pushing him away from home.

The last weeks of Elise's life were like something from a movie. People she hadn't seen in years were coming out of the woodwork when presented with a last chance to see an old friend. Relationships that had ceased to function were quickly revived for a last lap around the track. No questions were asked, no explanations were needed. It was the most bizarre of circumstances... reuniting with an old friend in time to say goodbye, forever. Things like that don't happen in everyday life. People usually die without a whimper or are so jaded that they bring the anger of failure to the grave.

Elise, to her credit, had built roadblocks over the years but was in the enviable position of releasing all from whatever guilt remained. She even was able to forgive David's insipid older sister Deirdre, who had been particularly hurtful toward Elise and her brother. In typical Deirdre fashion, later accounts of the meeting had Elise apologizing to Deirdre. Revisionist history was a staple of the Zucker household, in which actual events were altered in order to become more livable.

Elise had checked off old friends from college, who sat with her in bed like no time had passed from the good times to the not-so-good times, but there was still one person left on the list with barely a week left.

Allan Werner was the modern version of the Trojan horse. His appearance in every way connoted father figure—that was, until you brought him inside of the house. This home wrecker of sorts met a woman eight years his junior when he was 25 and she was the tender age of 17. While it might be hard to imagine Elise's mother Francine as "tender" but at 17, she was merely looking to defy her overbearing mother and shack up with the first man that had a car and a job.

I suppose you can categorize being employed as a high school typing teacher as a job. Once Francine turned 18, Allan was on the quick to turn their tepid courtship into something more permanent. Being the master of the setup, he picked out a cheap ring and was sure to bring Francine's mother, the notorious N-E-A-T, Helen Gold. Helen ruled with a white glove and an evil stare, but could never seem to get the best of Allan until she decided to part with a few Benjamin's.

Allan stayed ahead of Helen at every turn, bilking her first for a better ring and then for the bigger house, until Francine popped two grandkids out. First came Elise and then her sister Ellen, who was more than two years her junior and the little sister in every sense of the way.

Elise was grandma's pet and Ellen instantly reminded the short-tempered taskmaster of Francine when she was younger, which basically amounted to the short end of the Miami Beach stick. History was repeating itself as Helen was once again playing favorites—she only had eyes for her son Edward when he was growing up, as only the finest private schools would do. As for Francine, Helen thought she had neither the brains nor the beauty to succeed in life, so public schools would suffice.

As time passed, Helen grew tired of dealing with Allan so she got down to some real bargaining after her daughter continually defied her wishes. This family never played by the rules, preferring the quicker route of paying people off to get what they wanted. Helen had trained her kids to be solely motivated by money and to never accept the first offer, or the second, or even the third offer. Helen smiled as she said, "My final offer is..."

While Francine was still very much in love with the diabolical and manipulative Allen, she knew that money didn't grow on trees but it did grow in Helen's bank and stock accounts. So she accepted the offer, Allan moved out, and the family was split in two. Mom and grandma' kept Elise and daddy's little girl became Ellen, because she was both expendable and getting pretty tired of being number two.

While David would usually be against calling relatives that annoyed him, he was willing to do anything Elise said in those final moments—anything to give her joy. He got Allan's number through, not surprisingly, Ellen, who undoubtedly had it on the speed dial.

"Hello!" an elder female voice abruptly greeted what was certainly an unwelcome caller.

The elder female voice was that of Josephine Werner, Allan's second wife of four years. To describe Josephine as difficult would be like saying that a jaguar was hard to catch on foot... some things are just painfully obvious.

"Josephine?"

"Yeah, this is Josephine. Who is this?"

David was so numb that he barely noticed her deathly tone. "This is David Zucker."

The woman had a way with words, "Oh."

"Is Allan available?"

She knew no boundaries of insult as she turned to her husband who was sitting a few feet away, "Allan are you available?"

Allan was just as tactful, "Who is it?"

"It's David."

He replied, "David who?"

David looked around for a long rope to hang himself but it wasn't the time to leave his kids orphaned.

"Elise's David. What's his last name?"

"Zucker," Allan stated.

"Zucker, so, do you want to talk to him?"

Allan thought for a moment and then replied, "Ask him what he wants."

David mumbled into the empty line, "I want to kill myself."

Josephine put the receiver back up to her ear and mouth and continued to assault, "What do you want?"

Keep in mind that Allan knew everything that was going on with Elise's lack of health through his constant contact with his mole, Ellen.

"Elise only has a few days left to live and she wanted to see her father," David stated with as much directness as possible. He was done mincing words and wasting time.

Josephine again had to consult with the torturer, "She wants you to come."

The two of them had moved to Florida the previous year from Long Island, and were now full-year Boca residents. Allan had a distinguishing feature in that he sported an uncontrollable facial tick. It was so loud that the resulting sound resembled a snorting, galloping horse. The tick became more pronounced when he was nervous and this time was no exception.

"I'm not available," followed at least eight seconds of snorts.

He continued the insult, "Ask him if we can talk to a doctor to confirm her condition?"

She asked the question and David had enough, "Are you saying that I'm a liar? That his daughter is not on her death bed?"

She was unapologetic, "We just want to talk to the doctor before we spend the money to fly all the way up there."

David took a deep breath, "I feel sorry for you. Goodbye."

He walked back in the room after hanging up the phone and looked at his wife.

"What did he say?" Elise asked.

"He wanted to talk to the doctor to make sure you're dying."

Elise had made peace with her absentee father years earlier and was now officially done with him, "Fuck him."

David thought, "Amen."

Peace

The actual death was fairly peaceful and quiet when compared to the way she died. When a disease eats away at your insides it usually leaves people lifeless and sad, you could say a shadow of yourself. The opposite was true with Elise Werner Zucker—in her last weeks, she was the happiest she had been in her whole life because the people that she loved were around and getting along. The love that she showered on people left them knowing that the world would be missing one of its best... a truly special and selfless person.

It was a Thursday morning in January when David knew the end was near. He had lost contact with Elise the day before following a few days of cleansing talks.

"Make sure the kids always know to do the right thing," Elise said as she held hands with David in the hospital bed that had been placed in their bedroom. Hospice had brought the bed in a week earlier for Elise to sleep in after weeks of David carrying her to the bathroom every day and night. There were times she made it, others when she didn't, and even one time that a zombie-like David lost control of Elise and she fell to the floor of their bedroom. He only left her side to get food when the Hospice nurse relieved him every morning.

"I will," David replied.

"It's all right if you meet someone else one day," she said knowing that her affection-starved husband was a lover at heart, and the only way he could survive would be to love again.

"No," he said in a definitive voice, "You're it."

She clenched his hand as hard as she could, "Now you listen to me," she said in her best authoritative voice, "life does not end for you at 38."

David really didn't give much thought to life after Elise other than paying the mortgage off and getting some sleep. He nodded in agreement with her and for the first time, he could actually imagine a life without her. The other times he tried to think about life without Elise, it was a vision with just him and the kids.

David was up at 6:30 a.m. the next morning because had to shower before he could attend to everyone's needs. It would be another hour before Harmony woke up and at least another two hours before big-boy Max would exit his small-boy bed for a fresh diaper and some food. David got out of his bed, which had been moved to the other side of the modestly-sized bedroom, and shuffled over to Elise's bed to see if there was a change in her condition.

The first thing he noticed was that Elise's breathing pattern had changed. The low, shallow and peaceful breaths she had been taken over the past day were replaced with short, fast and hurried breathing. David realized at that moment that his wife's soul had exited and her body was now winding down before coming to a permanent stop. If there was one thing David knew it was breathing, and he realized that no heart could keep up that accelerated pace for too long. So, he took a quick shower and then called Francine.

"It's gonna' happen today, so get over here as soon as you can."

Francine had been a wonderful mother in the final days and weeks, erasing much of the damage she did in Elise's life. While her first 38 years had witnessed a family struggle, the last month or so was much more agreeable with her fragile constitution.

David's next call was to Elise's sister, Ellen, because he wanted the final moments to be a viewing of three. Shortly after getting off the phone with Ellen he had Harmony take a shower, picked out a nice outfit for her, and then brushed her tangled hair. It was obvious that without Elise's grooming skills, Harmony's hair was definitely suffering.

They both stood in the bathroom as dad said, "Did you use the detangling shampoo?"

Harmony never usually did what she said, "Yes."

He wet the brush and did his best with the briar patch but was fighting a losing battle.

She looked at her father in the mirror and said, "Am I going to school today?"

He wasn't sure at that moment if he should let Harmony say goodbye to her mother, but thought it would be best before she was no longer there. Normally a situation such as this would have been awkward—having to explain to a six year-old that mommy was there now but wouldn't be when by the time she returned from school—but Elise had already said goodbye to her daughter a few days prior.

They were standing outside of the master bedroom when David said to Harmony, "Mommy is going to heaven today. Do you want to say goodbye to her?"

Harmony barely blinked as she shook her head no. "Mommy said goodbye to me already."

It was over in her mind and sadly, her heart, too.

The house was fairly quiet for the next half-hour until Francine rumbled through the door. This was the day she never thought would come, the day that she denied in her brain day after painstaking day. David walked out of the kitchen and instantly hugged his mother-in-law without saying a word. Perhaps the only thing worse than the loss of a wife and mother is the loss of a child, but the relativity mattered little on this day.

Francine followed David into the bedroom and he showed her the shell that was no longer her daughter.

"She can't keep up that pace," he said softly.

Earlier that morning, after calling Francine and Ellen, David put a call into Hospice to apprise them of the situation. The woman on the other end of the line said compassionately, "Don't worry we will take care of everything."

He also made one other call to his sister, who was getting ready to go to work with their father, and she was happy to be able to be of service. It was an hour after Francine arrived and Max was changed and fed and was taken out of the house until further notice, while Harmony was driven around the corner to school. Francine and David were left in the house with Elise, and there was still no sign of Ellen despite repeated calls from her mom that went to voicemail.

They stood near the bed as Elise's breath sped up briefly and then seemed to trail off.

David restated the obvious, "That's it."

Francine sat on the bad and held Elise's unresponsive hand, "She gone. My baby's gone."

He walked out of the room as he heard the front door open. The Hospice nurse's timing was impeccable as she quickly checked for vital signs but predictably came up empty. Her findings sent a wave of action into motion, as the county coroner was called in and funeral arrangements that were preliminarily structured were put into motion.

David had no choice but think about the funeral in the weeks leading up to the actual event. He had spent months thinking about what he would say to a group of people who were largely absent from Elise's life, but he found the strength to be forgiving for a day. He also labored over the Jewish tradition of tossing dirt on the grave—he knew whether Elise was in there or not, she would not like all of the dirt. This woman was one of the cleanest people he had ever met, so he decided on rose pedals instead of dirt. David always had fresh roses in the house even before Elise was sick. He loved to garden and couldn't be surrounded with enough flowers, both inside and out of the house.

With each flower delivery and introduction of new flowers in the house, another bag of pedals was saved from the outgoing bunch until there was at least 10 gallon-sized baggies full of pink and purple pedals.

Clean-up crews of various disciplines arrived in waves for most of the morning after Elise's heart stopped functioning. When the coroners arrived, David decided to step out of the ranch house and into the garage. It was a warmer-than-average mid-January day and he was already looking forward to spring and the renewal of life. He thought back to the summer when he and Elise bought the three-bedroom, two-bathroom house and how overgrown the scrubs were—paying a landscaper a few hundred dollars to pull out all of the crap so he could start anew in the spring was one of the best ideas he ever had. David thought back to the days helping his mother in her garden and how he looked forward to building his own floral paradise. Being that his first word on earth was "flower," his passion really wasn't much of a stretch.

The first growing season consisted of a full complement of tulip and daffodil bulbs. David never forgot the image of seeing those beautiful flowers pop up at the first hint of spring. He went to Home Depot with Elise one morning to pick out new shrubs and the salesman said, "That's the great thing about gardening, it's a lot of trial and error. If you don't like something, pull it out, move it, or bring it back if it dies."

Within a few minutes, his mother-in-law followed him out to the garage.

"I don't want to see that," David said to Francine.

Francine was going to sugar-coat sister Ellen's non-arrival, but even she—the woman without a filter on her words—decided to take it easy on the big guy for a change. But sadly, the try a little tenderness campaign would not last.

The front door swung open and two strong men wearing black jackets with the word "CORONER" in white letters across their backs—as if there was any question where these men were from—carried a black body bag on a rolling gurney. The sight of Elise being reduced to a lifeless form in a cold body bag made David reach for the garage door button. He closed the garage to avoid the horrific sight, but the image was already firmly emblazoned in both of their minds... they had indeed seen too much.

Within a few hours order was restored, the kids came back and all non-family members left the house. The Hospice workers fully cleaned the master bedroom and returned the room as if nothing had happened, proving that appearances can be deceiving.

It was 8:30 p.m. and David was lying in his bed watching television with Harmony on his right side and his arm around Max on his left side. The children were starved from a lack of contact with their parents and jumped at the opportunity to watch TV in the 'forbidden' room. The room seemed so much larger and warmer since the hospital bed was taken out. Within minutes of laughing at the Nickelodeon show, the three bodies were fast asleep as if someone had sprinkled magic sleeping dust around them.

David awoke a half-hour later and scooped Max up first, changed his diaper, and then set him down gently in his bed. Harmony was a long girl, but David lifted her up without great effort and tucked her into her bed across the hall. Normally, he would watch more TV or go on the computer until he faded off, but on this night he wanted no part of feeling the silence. He still woke up several times in the middle of the night, a habit that would take him weeks to break. His sleep had been so disturbed and his life was not ready to be fresh and new... the wounds were still too deep.

Sun

David heard the sage words, "God only gives you what you can handle," many times throughout Elise's illness. The fact he didn't handle Elise's illness and subsequent passing very well, at least internally, made him question this wisdom.

It was Saturday night and the funeral was the next morning. David had decided along with the family's therapist, Amanda Montello that the kids would attend the memorial service but be spared the potential mind-numbing event of watching a wood box being lowered into the ground. Max was too young to know what was happening but Harmony had a memory like an elephant. There was no need for that kind of imprint, David thought and Miss Amanda agreed.

Although David was still exhausted after a few nights of broken sleep, he was nonetheless quite restless erev funeral. He walked in to Max's room to check on the little guy and could feel the heat of his body as he entered the room.

"Oh no," he whispered, "not tonight."

Fibril seizures are quite common in children under five years old as a response to a rapidly-rising fever. It's sort of a defense mechanism against overheating, but it really is some scary shit. Max's first seizure occurred five months earlier when the family was returning from a holiday dinner at Francine's house. Elise and David tried to talk to the little guy while they were driving but Elise yelled, "Something's wrong!"

David pulled over the side of the dark road and quickly got out of the car to check on his son. Max's eyes had rolled to the back of his head and he was shaking like an earthquake. Thankfully is was a cool night, and within 45 seconds David's questions were starting to be answered.

"Who's the best player on the Mets?"

Max hesitated and then replied, "Mike Piazza."

"You okay buddy?" dad asked.

"Yes," the little man responded.

David strapped Max back in the car and then looked up to the sky for some divine intervention. He whispered, "Not him," and almost burst out into tears. He knew that strength was his only ally to keeping his wife strong so he held off the tears in favor of assurance.

He sat back in the driver's seat and turned to Elise, "Dr. Rausch tomorrow."

"What was that?" she asked as she started to cry.

"I don't know what's going on anymore," he replied.

Dr. Rausch was a classic non-alarmist and put the parents at ease with his quick diagnosis.

"Although it looks violent, it will most likely pass by the time he turns five."

However, after the next seizure, David and Elise wanted more assurance. So Max was monitored at the Children's Hospital sleep clinic during the day and then David stayed overnight with him at South Valley Community Hospital after another seizure. David looked out of the large window while Max slept and had a complete view of South Valley from his perch. Although he felt at times he sat on top of his town, the panoramic view of his large town humbled him and made him feel fortunate for all he had accomplished. Of course, his struggle to make it to the top of the mountain was being watered down by all of the health issues surrounding the family.

David expected a quiet night before the funeral, but Max was on fire. He carried Children's Motrin around everywhere he went as it was the magic elixir to reducing Max's fever. He became so paranoid that he even gave it to Max at times when he thought his temperature would spike.

He carried Max into the kids' bathroom and set him down on the large counter so he could open the Motrin bottle. He looked up toward the sky and said, "That's enough. I give." He waited a few second until the seizure calmed, because giving Max the medicine during his time away from the planet was difficult at best. The medicine went down and then held his almost limp son in his arms until he calmed down.

"You wanna' watch some TV?" David asked.

Max started to come back to life and replied, "TV."

So, dad and son did the only thing that two guys would do late at night, they watched ESPN Sportscenter until Max fell asleep under the covers on his dad's left arm.

The forecast was for snow early the next morning and the flakes falling from the clouded sky did not disappoint. David was sure to feed the kids before they put their good clothes on and prior to his family coming by. The limo was scheduled to stop in front of the house at 8:00 a.m., and the neighborhood was on full watch. Lights were on throughout Lincoln Drive on a Sunday when you could usually hear a pin drop.

What the snow did was test the commitment of the people that planned say goodbye. David and the kids got in the limo, although they were probably thinking that playing in the snow would be more fun than wearing uncomfortable clothes. Max was in a mood until he saw his second favorite person, "Grandpa Arin!" he exclaimed in his best toddler/Long Island accent.

David was quiet and reflective in the limo as the driver adeptly negotiated the driving, blowing snow. It was a good thing that there was no snow on the ground before the min-blizzard, because driving would have been next-to-impossible.

The limo's arrived on time and the primary family members took off their coats and gathered in a special room set off of the sanctuary. David was in no mood for small talk, so when Ellen walked up to him after conferring with her mother and other family members and said, "Allan is sitting in the front row."

Allan, of course, was her father, who decided to finally get on a plane when he was told that his daughter had passed away. He privately sobbed for about an hour, neatly packed his suitcase for the trip, and then drove with his wife to Miami International Airport. Allan was all about appearances, and his early attendance in the front row would show the world that he was a good father, or at least that was what is delusional brain was telling him.

David peaked out of the room and saw Allan and his wife Josephine sitting in the front row of the empty sanctuary. Whatever fire David had left in his body shot into his eyes as he looked at Francine and Ellen and said, "No, not today! It doesn't work that way. That's not what today is about. Get him out of there. He is not family."

Normally, a David at full strength would have been more demeaning, using slang such as mother-fucker and/or bitch, and then walked into the chapel and took care of the situation. But not on this day. He was all about taking the higher ground, instead of calling people on their deplorable actions. Being a person that preferred positive to negative reinforcement, he was hoping life would be more about building up instead of tearing down going forward. Little did he know that his dream would only move to fruition if he was shipwrecked on a desert island, because the crew he was left with was writhe with negativity.

As the attendance approached 150, the flow of well-wishers filtered through the crowded room. When it was time for the ceremony, David located his kids and held their hands trying to shield them from what was to come. Walking in the sanctuary and seeing the wood box was a bit creepy for David, but was somehow intriguing for Harmony. Max had just turned three and was just happy to see so many people he knew in one place.

The rabbi said a few prayers and then stated, "David would like to say a few words. David," he said as he looked him in the eye.

David stood up, still cradling his children's hands, and walked up with his kids to the front of the podium. They were an unbreakable unit now, or so he dared to dream. The sight of this huge man widowed with two small children propelled most of the people in the room to pull out tissues and handkerchiefs to dab their moist eyes.

He went on for a few minutes until there was nothing left to say, and then kissed and hugged Harmony and then picked up Max who was tugging on the sleeve of his suit jacket. Max clung to David like a baby chimp, a confused baby chimp at that. The ceremony was over a few minutes later, as David requested that his words be the only words spoken about his wife. There wasn't a person in the crowd that needed to say anything more, other than Mourner's Kaddish and other customary Hebrew prayers.

Once the ceremony ended, a line of well-wishers greeted David, Francine and Ellen, who liked to perform for show just as much as her father. Aaron Zucker pulled his son aside after the crowd thinned and said, "I've never been prouder of you than I am today."

David thought the comment was odd, being that his wife had just died and it was one of his least-proud moments. But this wasn't a day to get stuck on details... life had been one murky detail after another since Elise was diagnosed. David kissed his kids goodbye as a family friend drove them back to David's house after first stopping at McDonald's for a couple of Happy Meals, of all things.

Mourners walked in uneven packs toward the gravesite. The snow had stopped and the wind ceased from howling. The rabbi went through some prayers as much of the crowd that was assembled in the chapel huddled outside. He then stated, "It is customary at this point to have people come up to throw dirt on the grave, but David has decided on something a little different for this occasion. He turned again to the widower and said, "David."

The first Ziploc bag was opened up along with the clouds in the sky, as the sun broke through the previously-dismal sky. The mufti-colored pedals cascaded toward the wood casket and into the ground and created as beautiful a scene as could be created under the circumstances. People uncustomarily stood around the grave and talked after the ceremony ended, reveling in the golden sunshine and the positive vibes and aura surrounding the scene.

David had expended all of the good energy he left in his body. His house was packed with people but all he could do was greet them and then crashed on his bed. People came and went for hours, eating and talking and eating some more, while he slept soundly for the first time in months. Rest would definitely be needed for the long journey ahead.

Afterlife

"I'm going to pay off the mortgage," David said to his old friend Sam Jacobs.

"Are you doing that because it will make you sleep better at night, or because you think it's a good investment?"

Sam and David started a few weeks apart at Ranking & Outlook Corp., and they went through training together. Same was a genius by most standards but he was truly a nice guy in front of the overdeveloped brain. He was so smart, in fact, that he left the company a few years earlier and was kicking ass at a large Japanese Bank.

David continued, "Both. I think the market is going to tank and it will help me sleep better at night knowing that the mortgage is paid."

Sam chuckled, "I can't say that I disagree with you."

It had been a month since Elise's passing and David was still catching up on his sleep. He had cut the customary mourning period down from a week to three days because he wanted everybody out of his house. His company had sent five town cars full of fellow analysts to show their support. Former bosses also visited at night and David was flattered by the tremendous show of support... but he still wasn't going back into the city.

The thought of turning his back on the kids was one that David couldn't consider, even if it meant giving up a six-figure salary and securing his financial future. So, he enjoyed his time off, sleeping all day at first after dropping Harmony off at the same school he went as a kid, to hanging out with Max and going to Wal-Mart and buying useless junk.

It was February and David decided to burn a little more blood money by talking the kids to Disneyworld. He used the excuse that it was a birthday present for Harmony, but he really needed to get away from the chatter for a week. All of the women in his life decided to seize the empty-nested opportunity and fill the female void in the family. So Brandy the Golden Retriever and Patty the Yorkshire terrier were boarded at the vet for a week and David's sister fed the fish, which were in every bedroom as a source of comfort and relaxation.

The trio had a great time staying inside the park at one of the cool hotels, and it was obvious the kids were even more exhausted than David. He had not fully calculated the toll it had taken on them. They all took long naps and the kids slept often when being wheeled around in a huge double-stroller. David even strolled through Epcot one night while the kids slept through much of Europe. They awoke when the transport arrived in Germany because the smell of Bavarian pretzels was too powerful to resist.

There were many times on the trip that David thought the three of them could make a go of it alone. Not surprisingly, there were many more times the hopeless romantic knew their life would not exist as a threesome. For so many reasons, a quartet was the only way to go, or so he thought.

David was heartbroken, but at his core life could never be the same. He always witnessed bend but not break first hand; tragedy was something that preyed on other people and had no place invading his family or his home. It became apparent through the months of struggle, that there was another plan in place that rendered him helpless. He thought, "If life is planned for us, then I can't imagine what's in store for me." The problem was that David's vast imagination, which came from years of observing everything that were going on around him, was not equipped for what was to come.

David came home to literally a blank canvas and decided to inject a little more color into his surroundings. Every wall in the house was white, as Elise preferred to decorate through paintings, hangings and chatchkies, not colored paint. He had painted a room in the basement at the bequest of Elise—the most neutral of tan's, but enjoyed the relaxing experience of the common task. For a person with absolutely no artistic ability—other than being able to capture life with his pen and paper—David certainly had an affinity for filling in a blank wall.

He enlisted his next-door neighbor George, who was about as depressed as David following the sudden death of his eight year-old son the previous year at a laser tag party. "Official findings" confirmed little but it was obvious that young Steven's heart was short-circuited by the something within the walls of that fatal light show.

George worked at night as an airplane mechanic, slept for a few hours and then usually tried to find things to do around his house, which he must have renovated at least a half-a-dozen times. When David got upset he usually receded into his own world, but this time he decided to roll the dice and try living for a change.

The inspiration for the Southampton Blue Ralph Lauren Polo paint was the fish tank in the master bedroom and David's desire to tone down the bright room. The job took the better part of the day as the two man stopped only for lunch and a few pee breaks. David couldn't get over the difference color made in his room and his life. His previous decorating attempts growing up were limited of posters of Tom Seaver, Julius Erving, Ali-Frazier, and eventually graduated to a Van Gogh print. Other than living off-campus his junior and senior years of college, David never had occasion to decorate. He moved in with Elise straight out of his parents very brown house, and she left no wiggle room for creative interpretation. French country was her personal taste and, for a while, it was his too.

There was no stopping David once he decided to alter his environs. After painting his room he moved on to both the kitchen and the outside of the house. With gardening as his muse, he had a large bay window installed in the kitchen, replaced the garage door with a heavy duty model, had bright gray siding installed around the house, and then pulled a page out of the fantasy playbook for one final stroke of heaven. The front walk was redone with stone pavers, the driveway was doubled in size, the back patio was resurfaced and then David helped design a masterpiece right outside his bedroom window: a blacktopped basketball court with a NBA Hydra-Rib, adjustable glass-backboard hoop installed into the ground.

David sat on the patio with George and his friend Harry, drinking beers and enjoying the view.

"It doesn't get any better than this," David stated.

"No it doesn't," Harry concurred.

The clinked Bud tall-neck bottles and continued to watch the workers structure the court.

"Hey. Mr. Z, can you come over here for a minute?" boss-man Dino Francesco asked in a polite, yet insistent tone.

David put his beer on the ground and walked over to the side of his property.

Dino explained, "Our original dimension put the end of the court about here," he said as he pointed to the spot where his feet were planted.

David walked over to the spot and turned around to where the basket was going to be situated. "That's a little more than a foul shot." He turned around and saw that there was a good 15 feet between him and the fence that surrounded the backyard, "How much more room do we have?"

Dino surveyed the incline and then had one of his workers come over for a conference. It was interesting to hear a first generation Italian-American speaking to a Mexican-American in a sort of hybrid language, but somehow they understood each other.

"Dino turned back to David and said, "We can give you about five to seven feet more depending on how well we can grade the area."

David smiled because he would need the extra room to dial up long distance when he was shooting, "Do it. How much?"

"Two-fifty," Dino said throwing out the first number that came into his head.

"Done," David quickly replied not caring what it was costing anymore.

He turned and gave the thumbs-up to the guys and they responded with positive thumbs of their own.

Harry was out of work following back surgery, which turned into potential knee surgery. At 45, he was back living with his parents after 15 years out on his own. Harry was the perfect example of an underachiever with a high IQ—being smarter than the rest of the world had its advantages but among the perks were not job longevity, fortune or fame.

David sat back down and reestablished his connection with his beer.

"So, you going back to work?" Harry asked knowing that the answer was probably not that simple.

David took a longer swig than he initially anticipated, "Nah! I think I've had enough of the city."

"So, what are you going to do?" Harry pressed on.

He looked off into the distance and replied, "I think I'm gonna' go back to school to become a teacher."

"High school?" Harry asked as George receded into the day on the thought that his days hanging out with David would eventually come to a halt.

"Third grade," David responded. "I don't want to deal with all of those hormones.

Harry smiled, "You gonna' coach basketball?"

David responded with a smile "Perhaps," but his answer had a more contested debate internally. He had promised himself years prior that if he got to the point in life where he could do nothing else, then he would teach school and coach basketball because those tasks would be second nature to him.

Life had steered him to the point that he could do anything professionally, but his personal life had boxed him and the options were scarce. Besides, his head was in no condition to endure the torture that would certainly follow a return to his job. David was a romantic and saw a clear line between his past and future. His cushy Wall Street job was all about him and Elise and their struggle to move up in the world.

David now felt a pressing need to give back and to never make money the focal point in his life again. The house was now paid for and so were the credit card bills that Elise had amassed. It was obvious from his actions that David was now in 'safe' mode. His life had been chaotic for as long as he could remember, so removing the unknown for a while had its advantages.

"I signed up at Moffett University in the fall and I took one class," said Harry who always dipped his toe in the shallow end for a few years before walking back in the house.

"To teach?" David asked.

"No, to become an actor. Yes, secondary education."

Harry looked at David through two sets of eyes. The first set looked down on the younger David who he viewed as one-dimensional and of inferior intelligence. The other set, which he developed in his 20's, was of complete awe and respect but those were sports eyes only and were not transferable.

Harry watched as David completed his MBA a few years earlier, a program that he himself had started and failed to finish. In fact, Harry had only taken four classes over two years and did little to shatter the notion that he had a severe completion problem. It took him six years to complete college after dropping out of a top-notch school after a year of meandering.

Harry sat outside on David's patio and something changed in his mind—he was finally staring at the motivation needed to complete a task: "If David can do it, hell if I can't!"

Bloom

Spring brought with it the renewal of spirit, and David was starting to get in synch with the season. His world had grown quiet within the confines of his house, but he could still hear the birds chirping and see the butterflies fluttering around his blooming flowers. Life was moving on it was just a matter of time before he would to.

About four months before Elise passed away, David toed the line of infidelity and insanity. His affectionate nature was being tested and basically starved from a lack of intimacy with his wife. The deprivation went way beyond sex – David really missed being able to squeeze his wife tight or simply just holding hands without feeling the angst of her dying.

With his 20th high school reunion on the horizon the following summer, David decided to log on to alumni.com and reconnect with some of his old friends. Isolation was starting to become a bit hair-raising, and it was time for him to seek out some familiarity in the midst of destruction.

Talking to old friends helped David feel like there were a bunch of people that had his back. Of course, it was initially dubious on the whereabouts of these people all those years in between high school and thirty-something, but...

David had a core of people he really knew and another group of people that he failed to connect a name with a face. While alumni.com was a place for classmates to catch up and rekindle friendships, it was also a place for unhappy people to attempt to rewrite history.

E-mails arrived every day and David was happy to connect with people outside of his world, which now consisted of the straight line between his house and the elementary school he and Harmony now shared. Harmony had fought off every female around to become the lady of the house. David never felt more comforted and smothered at the same time by the influx of female domination. He was used to having woman in his life but everywhere he looked, a woman was trying to take control of household tasks that needed attention.

David barely noticed the handful of married woman that now had interest in what he had to say. He wrote it off to being one of the mothers, although he later realized that a vagina was necessary to gain entry into this exclusive club. His emotions were as irregular as his female counterparts, however. Maybe it was his role as mom and dad that broadened his emotional platform – maybe he hadn't fully grieved for Elise, preferring to deal with substantive issues instead of raw emotions. Maybe.

One night he was feeling especially domesticated, so he ventured out to Blockbuster and picked up 'Gladiator' with Russell Crowe hoping to upgrade his sagging testosterone level. Movies had always been an important part to David's life and the past six months proved no different. While Elise was on her last stint of chemo, David took a break and went to see 'Castaway' with Tom Hanks. He identified with both the isolation and the end of the movie, as Hanks' character had to decide his future direction in life. David concluded that the character chose love because love is everlasting, and the realization proved to be enlightening.

The 'Gladiator' movie was brutal, yet David cruised along until the end of the movie when Russell Crowe's character was dying and was happy to be with his wife and son, who were brutally murdered. The flood gates let loose as David cried hysterically for five minutes straight until the credits started rolling. His emotions had been so frayed that this was the first time in the three months since Elise's passing that he actually felt something.

Months earlier, an alumni.com e-mail barely caught David's eye one night when everyone was sleeping, including an exhausted Elise, who had just finished another unsuccessful round of chemo. The summer was winding down and David had fully researched his wife's illness after the Dr. Bernstein fiasco and realized that the end was near. He had been talking more to people in bereavement support groups on line and received helpful words such as, "It will get worse before it gets better," which left him wondering how much "worse" it could get?

By April, David had probably reached the point of no return with his current job. Although his six-month leave of absence was set to end in July, his management job would no longer be available. Oddly enough, his company would have given him a lesser job but at the same salary he left with. In hindsight, there was a point that it probably would have been prudent to go back but he never saw it—instead he registered for the Master's in Education program at Moffitt University, which was a 10-minute drive from his house. This paled in comparison to the 30-minute drive he had when he went for his MBA, most times finishing at 10:30 p.m. and arriving home after 11 on a work day.

April also brought with it curiosity. After four months, David was getting bored with the status quo and was looking to get back in the game. His friend at work, Roger, had been a lifelong bachelor and often touted the website hebrewmatch.com. So David threw himself into the pictures and profiles world of finding a suitable mate on the Internet.

David usually did everything by feel and the signs that he had to fall in love and remarry were everywhere. He couldn't imagine his kids being in school and having other kids and teachers constantly asking why they didn't have a mom. The reality was they didn't have a mom but constantly reminding them of that fact would surely be troublesome.

Since Max was only three years-old and still unable to wipe his own butt, David enlisted the expertise and insight of six year-old Harmony. Some nights she sat in bed with her father and tried to help weed out the good pictures from the bad once dad had narrowed the field. The first date was with a single, 31 year-old woman originally from California. Since David was available during the day after he dropped Max at day care for a few hours, he decided to meet Melanie Marcus in the city at a coffee shop. Once again he was a dating novice, but that didn't mean that he wasn't as serious and determined as ever. His goal was not merely to date, it was to meet someone to spend the rest of his life with. Anything short of spectacular fireworks would cause him to move on.

Melanie was very tall, about six feet of the long stuff, and the two seemed to have chemistry at first blush. The 40-minute date appeared to go well until it was time to cash in the chips. David walked her outside and was ready to give her a peck on the cheek when he was abruptly interrupted by a long right arm seeking to complete a business-like shake. He slowed his roll long enough to complete the business grip and receive thanks for his time.

He walked away feeling somewhat accomplished for completing a first date, but no less confused for being abruptly dismissed. He waited a day and then wanted to find out either what went wrong or if he could proceed to a full lunch with a peck ending. What David found out on that ten-minute call was that she was confused: he was still wearing his wedding band and that would be seen as a negative to potential suitors—like he still hadn't gotten over his wife yet.

David tried to apologize and explain that the ring was just an oversight, not a sign of commitment issues on his part. He became increasingly frustrating with Melanie because she made him feel bad and seemed to become more and more distant with each passing conversation. Their brief association ended with another meeting, this time for lunch. It became apparent almost instantly that this would be the last time that David saw this woman. He also was able to understand how someone could be 31 and still single. Melanie Marcus was a lifetime dater who was still a few years away from settling into a full-on lesbian lifestyle. She had no love for men and they, in turn, had little luck with her. At the casual lunch they both agreed that it was time to move on, but David nonetheless enjoyed the company for an hour. He always believed that the first experience was never the keeper—nothing ever happens that easy, at least not for David Zucker.

He then expanded the age range to women 30 to 38 in the hopes of expanding the slim talent pool. David even opened the search up to women that were divorced, in addition to widows and single people from the initial search. What he came up with was an attractive and tall woman from Queens who was a decent match on paper.

"Who is this?" the gruff female voice tested at the other end of the line.

David's first thought was to hang up and then hide in his bathroom, "Ugh, this is David Zucker."

She was obviously in the middle of something else, "David who?"

He was about to answer but the fast pace of New York dictated that she think fast and cut him off, "Oh yeah, the guy from the Internet. How are you?"

Her guard came down a bit, but not enough to promote any interest whatsoever.

"Is this a good time?" David loaded up a question.

"Of course. My ex is just giving me a hard time about some furniture he claims is his..."

David checked out of the conversation for the next few minutes as this woman, aptly named Helen because it rhymes with yellin', made it clear that she was on the market but completely unavailable at the same time. While David was a giver and loved to help people in need, what he really needed to do was immediately get off the phone.

It seemed like the more he struggled to extract himself from the conversation the more this woman wanted to get together. David would have rather change Max's diapers all day than drive and listen to this woman's voice again. Even if she made the greatest meatballs on the planet, he would not go. Okay, he probably would go but would be thinking of something else the whole time.

He finally got off the phone and immediately went back to his laptop and removed the category "divorced" from his search. The realization was that it would be hard to deal with damaged goods no matter how virtuous the person's intentions were. Denial was an interesting thing in David's world, as he failed to realize that much of the goods that were damaged entering his next relationship would be brought from his side.

A few months before the process began, David was at a friend's party for their son. The party was based in a movie theater of all places, so he was able to avoid the mindless probing of partygoers her barely knew, while his kids watched the movie. Sadly, the movie had to end and shatter any quiet he hoped to attain on this Saturday afternoon.

There is always one yenta in the crowd that has absolutely no filter or class. New Yorkers are famous for starting a conversation without a greeting, preferring to begin the dialogue in the middle of the story. Normally two people make eye contact and they either nod at each other or say hi, or both. Sheila Steinman did neither, "I have a friend who just lost her husband."

David replied, "Oh, okay."

"You should meet her, here's her number," the unkempt Sheila said as she scribbled digits on the back of a business card of a finer establishment such as Ed's Tacos or The Burger Barn.

David barely had time to say thanks so he simply chuckled at the tactless woman. David's friends were Sarah and Ken Fuchs, who met him and Elise when Harmony and their son Ronald were babies.

Sarah walked over, "Sorry about that. We all went to school with the girl who lost her husband." She laughed awkwardly, "I was going to wait a few more weeks before I brought it up."

David thought that the wolves were already circling around the fresh blood. He was never one to back off, though, "Should I call her?" he asked Sarah as he displayed the tacky business card.

"That's up to you," Sarah replied.

David leaned in, "You know I'm not ready yet..."

They pulled back and she smiled while holding his arm, "We know."

A few days later David called the Widow Hollander, who seemed apprehensive about the meeting. This hesitancy only served to lighten his mood as he naturally transitioned from injured party to supporter, a role he was much more comfortable playing. David never presented himself as the victim, because he wasn't the one that had to endure all of the pain and suffering. In his mind, all he had to do was be supportive to Elise and suffer extreme mental anguish from not being able to help her. The pain of not being able to help was much greater than any personal loss he suffered.

Vivian Hollander was cuter than your average widow with two kids, but she was so damaged from marriage number one that marriage number two was highly unlikely. David wouldn't have even had a chance for a quickie if he was a snake in the grass. This woman's goods were so tightly wrapped that the Saran Wrap people would have been envious. Heir loomed wedding gowns and mummies were no less better preserved than Vivian's erogenous zones, if they were ever used to start with.

They met at a bagel place closer to her house and David was surprised how relaxed he was given the situation. Tuna on a bagel, Dipsy Doodles, and a can of Dr. Brown's Black Cherry soda could have been the propeller of his ease. Vivian was totally apprehensive at first, but seemed to relax as the conversation unfolded. She recounted a story about how her husband was a real jerk and had died from a drug overdose. He also gambled much of the couple's money away and was a drug addict even before they met.

"He was the only man I've ever been with," she shyly stated.

As David processed "been with" he also tried to factor in how it could be possible that such an attractive girl could be so asexual.

"Are you saying that he was you first?" David asked looking for confirmation.

"Yes, and my last," she replied.

David took another bite of his overly-stuffed sesame bagel and then wiped his mouth with a napkin. "Did you ever do anything else with anyone?"

"Do you mean kissing?"

"Kissing would be good," David said and also thought that he wouldn't mind kissing this person.

"Once in eighth grade," she replied.

The obvious question was "Why?" but he had to be more sensitive in this situation. David spent most of his late teens and early twenties challenging women on their sexuality. He felt that most women passed off their interest in men as almost clinical, when the reality was that they were looking to get laid just as much as men. He would usually cut through all of the bullshit and try to get to the heart of the manner, but that was before he got married. Faced with a woman that just lost her cheating, gambling, drug addict of a husband, he quickly surmised that she must be questioning her judgment.

"So, you must be questioning your judgment?" David asked.

She nodded in agreement.

He continued, "I mean, the one time you decided to open yourself up to a man, he does just about everything to destroy your confidence. Was he at least a good father?"

"He was barely around."

David had enough with the gloom and doom, "So now we all suck! I don't even want to be a man anymore!" he said, which got a huge laugh out of Vivian once she realized that he was kidding.

Progress

The next search was also widened to include most of the states within a five-hour radius of New York. A 30 year-old redhead from Virginia stuck out from the group, so David decided to give it a shot. He decided to meet Hailey Sellers at the Baltimore Aquarium, which was about three hours from his house and a little over an hour from her apartment.

David was very tense on the drive there, primarily because he had made the mistake of telling everyone and their grandmother about his plans. He felt much less pressure on the first date because he went during the day and the media outlets weren't advised of his whereabouts. Of course, a normal date would probably have not received such attention—this was the first date everyone thought he was going on, and it was only four months after Elise's passing.

Playing the sorry husband was a role David refused to play. He obviously didn't care what people thought about him when it came to things personal in his life. Nobody slept in his bed, paid his bills, walked in his shoes—that was the one important thing David learned on his walk through hell: don't ever try to walk in anyone's shoes, because you have no idea what their thinking or what they've experienced.

First impressions are always important and they were everything to David, either the chemistry was there or it wasn't. Walking from the parking lot to the front of the aquarium was about three hundred yards, give or take a football field. As his long strides ate up pavement it became apparent that Hailey was leaning on a wall in the distance. It was slightly breezy and David's contact lenses made his eyes tear up a bit. By the time he cleared his vision, Hailey was only a few feet away and he surprisingly still had no read on her.

Hailey stood about 5'9" with an athletic build, and obviously dyed her hair read because her face showed absolutely no freckles that you would usually associate with that natural hair color. He quickly thought the face didn't match the hair and body. The redheads that he had come across were always long-bodied, small to moderately breasted, and had heavenly lower bodies that only god could justify.

From where she stood, the pressure to get married was mounting. At 31 years old, perhaps her best days looks-wise had passed because she looked more like a mom than a coed. She had recently come off a long-term relationship with a guy she thought was the one until he slept with her best friend. In an odd series of events, he had pressed her for the better part of a year to get married but she repeatedly said she wasn't ready, so he eventually slept with the best friend before she accepted his marriage proposal.

Hailey worked for an online car buying company called autos.com and also taught a boot camp-type class at the local health club at nights and on the weekends.

Their initial interaction was quite pleasant and it appeared for a while that David could have been wrong with his dead-on-arrival prognosis. It must be said that his radar was never off if he really liked someone—the chemistry was always off the charts when he felt that immediate connection.

They ate lunch after strolling around the aquarium for about an hour and the conversation never seemed to be lacking. David thought about stopping to get some ice cream, but Hailey basically ignored the Ben & Jerry's store inside of a small shopping plaza in the Inner Harbor. That was probably the first female he had ever been with that barely flinched at the sight of either chocolate or chocolate ice cream. They sat on a bench in the middle of a group of shops and talked for another 20 minutes as people walked by. David loved to watch people and this was a prime location to sit and people watch.

After the talk, they went into a few shops. Hailey liked hats, so they went into a hat shop and she started playfully trying a few on.

"That's a nice one," David said trying to be complimentary.

She removed the hat and looked at the price, "Too cheap. You're gonna' have to buy me a lot of expensive stuff to keep me happy."

David smirked but took a full step back, both literally and figuratively. He walked out of the store and was tempted to keep walking, but he took a long deep breath instead. While David was generous, perhaps to a fault, he did not like to be told that he had to do something. The level of entitlement and aggression made David nervous, to say the least, and Hailey seemed to sense his new-found apprehension. Her statement was designed to turn him off because the date was going so well—she had feelings for David but the speed and power of the connection made her nervous.

They strolled around a little more and then they walked to David's car where he offered to give her a lift to her car, which was parked in a local garage. David was as horny as a Jack Russell Terrier in heat, so even the slightest breeze would probably get him going. They sat down in his car and within seconds they were locked in a massive kiss. For the moment, the tautness of her body overrode his reservations about her character. A few minutes later, she realized that the kissing was ready to break past the point of no return, so she breathlessly stopped the festivities.

It had been a few months—actually five—since Hailey and her boyfriend parted company. She was just as ready to go at it with David until the pictures of his kids she had seen online wouldn't exit her mind. While she liked the man, she really was turned off by the kids. Their conversations started light after they met in Baltimore but ended heavy. David and Hailey both had thoughts of breaking the seal and having sex just to get it out of the way.

If they had lived closer in distance to each other, the deed probably would have been done. They tentatively made plans for a weekend visit a few weeks down the road and Hailey seemed to acquiesce for a few days, recounting to David that her father grew up in his home town. To David, this sounded like she was getting more comfortable with the idea of his package deal, but he simply wanted to sample the merchandise.

"Do you believe in love at first sight?" David asked one night looking to push Hailey out of her comfort zone. He wasn't about surface relationships at this point in his life, despite his desire to be intimate with a woman.

She kept the shield up, "You know, my mom always told me that love grows over time. She doesn't believe at love at first sight. You can like someone but you can't truly love someone for years."

The red flags were waving all over David's bedroom and he knew it. Daydreams of passionate lovemaking with Hailey were immediately removed from the mental rotation.

"So, you're saying that there is no way your feelings could be as strong now as they would be three years from now?" David said wrapping the bait around the hook.

She sighed and then replied, "No. No chance."

A few minutes later they agreed to disagree—well sort of—and David held onto his hopelessly romantic image of love and Hailey put on a granny nightgown and started planning separate beds when she finally got married.

David learned that the lower brain would not be allowed to dictate the real important stuff, like finding a person to spend the rest of his life with and be a wonderful mother to his children. He also decided from the beginning of the love search that he would not bring anyone around his kids unless he was sure that the person was the one. David remained true to his thought that the kids didn't need to be yo-yoed and involved in adult business.

So, it was on to date number three... this one seemed to be the most transitional of all of the dates. The market for over 30 women had slowed to a crawl on hebrewmatch.com to the point that David was merely looking to be amused. He surmised that the problem with women over the 30 was the same thing that made them compelling: their age. At 38, he felt relatively young but perhaps not young enough after being sleep-deprived and having his guts ripped out, to try and date a 20-something.

David was definitely amused when the words "underwear model and lingerie entrepreneur" flashed across the screen under Phoebe Grossberg's profile. He might have also seen words like "sushi" and "The Hamptons," which usually had adverse connotations, but he was willing to bypass his usually screening process this one time.

They met at her brownstone walkup and strolled at a rather brisk pace to the diner-like restaurant a few blocks down in this lower East Side neighborhood. When they entered the restaurant and waited by the maître de stand, you would have thought that a famous celebrity had walked in. European double-kisses were being spread around like the party had moved to France. Phoebe was wearing this wacky fur-trimmed coat with a pair of tight pants and funky high-heeled black boots. After the third and fourth people entered the couple's space without an introduction, an obviously gay man looked at David and said, "Oh my, who do we have here?"

"No! He's with me. We're on a date," she replied as David was getting the message that he was another of her well-placed accessories like a pin or a pair of dangling earrings.

They were finally seated after the welcoming party subsided and David helped Phoebe off with her coat, which she appreciated. The bland, average food was about as memorable as the conversation, which was constantly focused on the cute 5'7" girl with straight, shoulder-length hair. Phoebe had a killer body but her shapely mouth kept moving, obscuring the view from a potential lingerie meet and great. The only parts of the conversation that David actually heard were when the words "underwear" and "lingerie" were spoken. It was a similar experience to the one he had when he first spotted her profile.

David stopped wearing a watch because time wasn't a factor in his life anymore. But after the waitress gathered their dishes and David picked up the check, he habitually raised his left arm and looked at his left wrist, which was bare but nonetheless said it was time to go.

They pecked goodbye and David thought on the drive home that Phoebe would be much better as a fictitious Penthouse letter than his wife and the mother of his kids. He knew a person like that would never be selfless enough to give her love unconditionally, so he pressed on.

The next day he e-mailed Phoebe and basically told her thanks, but no thanks. Phoebe wasn't used to hearing "no thanks" so she immediately put the full-court press on even though she really had no interest in an abnormally-tall, conservatively-dressed man with two kids. Her initially meeting him and going out to lunch was more charity and philanthropy than it was real personal business. Besides the fact that David could not see Phoebe transitioning to mom, he also knew someone like that with her nose up in the air and a cork up her butt wouldn't have any use for him. As much as David was confident in himself, he was also comfortable about who he really was, which was somewhere in between the beer and wings crowd and the champagne and caviar socialites.

Despite her pleas for another date, David was steadfast in his opinion that it would only prolong the inevitable. The inevitable in this case was his ass being kicked to the curb.

Angel

David was sick of being limited by thirty-something women that had lost the ability to be spontaneous and were incapable of falling head-over-heels in love. Although three people aren't much of a sample size, it was enough for David Zucker. The next search included women over 25, but he was really looking for someone who was at least 27 or 28. Short of hiring a young babysitter for his kids and then pulling a creepy pick-up, anyone younger would probably be in it for all of the wrong reasons. Although he liked sugar, David was already daddy to two kids that sapped all of his energy and money.

It was late April and David was ready to love again. Max had already been tucked into his now big boy bed and Harmony was watching TV with David in his room. Being alone at night was still a bit of a chore—on the one hand, the quiet and tranquility was nice but it was also numbing.

David was busy searching his new age range on hebrewmatch.com when he came across the face of an angel. He had been thinking about how blonde and fresh-looking women from the Midwest tended to be. His lone experience was a girl he went out with in college that he always thought was one of the nicest people he ever met. Perhaps he was drinking too much back in college, but he needed a change from all of these New Yorkers and their abhorrent lack of warmth.

When he came across the profile of 28 year-old Olivia Vickers, somehow he knew he found home. When he looked into her eyes he saw much of himself. He quickly flipped the laptop around and tapped Harmony on the shoulder, "What do you think of this one?"

Harmony either really liked Olivia right away or was tired of screening women for his dad to date: "Yeah! I like her!" the born actress exclaimed.

As much as Harmony gravitated to the big girl role, she was still a little kid in need of a womanly influence in her life beyond her grandmas, who had as much femininity as longshoreman, and her aunts—except for the clueless Brenda—who were always trying to tear her down.

Olivia mentioned in her profile that she preferred men with "Good hygiene." David laughed and then started typing...

She had been on so many dates from hebrewmatch.com that she was starting to lose hope. Olivia had come to New York from the Michigan to both leverage her abilities and get as far away from little men with their little minds. Dating in New York, however, was fraught with a variety of gangsters, thugs, and smugglers, which left her thoroughly dejected. In the two years since she hit the Big Apple, her address had shifted from Westchester to the boarder of Harlem in an area called Hartsdale, where she lived alone in a large one-bedroom apartment.

David's response to her profile was simple:

"Hi. I enjoyed reading your profile. As far as the hygiene issue, I shower at least once a day and have clean, fresh teeth."

She was at a friend's apartment in the city and her cousin Sally was also over when David's response came through.

"He's got kids," was Olivia's first response.

"But he cute, like dad kind of cute," her friend Kathy replied.

Sally didn't believe in on-line dating but acquiesced, "I would go out with him."

That was all the fuel that Olivia needed. Her cousins all thought they were better than her and her three older brothers. It was as if Sally thought David was too good for her cousin, and that was all the challenge that Olivia needed.

Olivia replied, "Cute kids...."

There was a two-week lag between the time they first spoke and their memorable first date. Hours passed each night as phone conversations served to open the souls, not reveal trivial history such as colleges attended and dating history. These two had easily passed "go" and were sharing their similar desires as givers. Chemistry of the brain was firmly established even before the physical fireworks were lit.

David was certainly in a daring mood once the underwear girl was put back on the shelf. He heard that his cousins, whose collective IQ approached the national debt of some third-world nations, had opted to get laser eye surgery. David had astigmatism and was nearsighted since sixth grade, when he was first diagnosed and started wearing glasses. Computers further dulled his vision in his twenties causing him finally to get contacts after a passed basketball almost hit him in the head before he could react.

It was the thought of another hot and sticky summer fussing with glasses and contacts that propelled David into the local warehouse club to inquire about the procedure.

"We send all of clients to the same place that the local professional sports teams go to," the eye doctor said.

"Let's do it," David replied and within two weeks he was sitting in the waiting room with his friend Harry about to regain his vision. A few minutes after getting comfortable in the cushioned chair and having his eyes pried open with tape, 20-15 vision was produced. Of course, David had to wear wrap-around, Boca Raton sunglasses on the way home as Harry tortured him about crossing a busy street.

The kids went to David's parents around the corner for the night. His eyes felt crackly, like someone had blown beach sand into them. His first call once he settled in was to Olivia.

"Are you sure you won't come over and take care of me?" David repeatedly said.

Olivia and David were set to meet on Saturday and it was only Tuesday. "I can't wait until Saturday," he said.

It wasn't the distance of at least two hours that made her hesitant it was her lack of trust in her dating luck. She felt that if she went all that way, the prince would surely be only a toad and there was no way she was going to risk it.

The days passed slowly and the stress of the expectations was starting to get to both Olivia and David. She had problems with commitment and had the feeling that she was about to give into something that would require a supreme effort, one that she would certainly be up to the task. He, on the other hand, thought he was ready to jump back into the deep end of the pool when he probably should have started at the steps in the shallow end and taken a more deliberate approach. Although deliberate would have been completely out of character for him.

David was barely four years old when he took his first plunge off the high diving board. The family was visiting cousins in Armonk, New York and they ventured out to the local swim club for the day. David was swimming in the shallow water when he saw people walking up a ladder and jumping into the water. He thought, "I like to climb and I really love water," so he walked on the deck and waited his place in line. It was another case when he knew he could do something and barely thought about the particulars—like telling one of his parents so they could be there waiting for him. Little did David realize that splashing near the shore of a beach club was not the same thing as plunging into a lake from a high-dive?

"The boy must have been a fish in a previous life!" a relieved Phyllis Zucker said on the shore. If David was standing next to her at the time, he would have said, "It was dolphin mom, not a fish."

People saw the little boy climbing the 15-foot ladder and pointing ensued. The buzz got around quickly as Phyllis frantically yelled to Aaron to swim fast because his son was about to either sink or swim. In typical little-boy fashion, David got up to the top and waved at the people who were imploring him not to jump. He smiled and then jumped without thinking about what awaited him at the bottom. He splashed into the water and then calmly kicked his way back up the surface where he had absolutely no idea how to swim above the water. Luckily his dad was right there to scoop him up and say, "You can't swim!"

David regained his composure and replied, "I can swim down there."

Father looked at amazement at his fearless son and wondered what other situations this behavior would manifest itself into. The son never feared crowds when he played sports and grew to develop and instinct, and intuition if you will, about people. While his reading skills in the classroom were lackluster at best, his reading skills of people were quite advanced. So much so that it often made him recede from humans and from what many would consider active life.

But in the case of Olivia, it was nothing but green lights to move full steam ahead. David had a simple rule: if you can speak to another person for four hours and not want the conversation to end, then don't stop talking. David saw a genuine kindness in Olivia's eyes that made him feel all happy and warm, and that was just from her picture.

The last conversation before the date was a struggle, as if Olivia was testing David to see if he was really the one. She got him to talk about his wife and then said, "It sounds like you're not over her." In what would become a reoccurring theme for the duo, no level of static would be able to knock them down—at times off-balance, but never down.

She tried repeatedly to get out of the date but David acted like a parent telling a kid to do something because it was good for them. The only thing she was able to accomplish was bumping back the meeting time at her apartment from noon to 1:00 p.m. It was unclear what she gained from that, other than a few extra minutes to get herself together.

Eleven outfit changes and a persistent sweat on the 55-degree, late-April day, and it was 12:45 p.m. David followed directions he printed out in the days prior to consumer GPS, which led him on a beautiful and scenic tour of Harlem before depositing him above Satan's playground and on Olivia's greener block, complete with a park and a methadone clinic. David's was always a saver first and foremost, so he thought about how fast he had to rescue Olivia from the concrete jungle and bring her to his garden paradise.

He found a parking spot across the street from Olivia's apartment building and then walked across the street with nary a hint of nerves. It was one of those times in his life that he was completely sure of the outcome. He pushed the button for apartment 7D and Olivia looked at her video monitor, which came in handy to ward off stragglers and Chinese food purveyors looking to gain access in order to leave a wad of menus in the lobby.

She looked at David and said, "Oh, shit!" Olivia got so nervous that she failed to buzz him in, so about 20 seconds later he buzzed again. She was busy with makeup application but walked back to the front door, buzzed him in and then opened her door. She hustled back into her bathroom and stood in front of the mirror, which was not visible from the main room.

Confidence was high on the elevator ride up—he was feeling comfortable in a Polo button-down shirt, a pair of khakis, his favorite navy wool Polo jacket, and a pair of comfortable shoes. At 38, David still had much of his hair and it had not yet turned gray, which made him look at least a few yours younger. He walked down a few doors until he spotted the open door with 7D on the front.

David knocked on the door, pushed it open and said, "Hello!"

"I'll be out in a few minutes," Olivia said trying to put off the inevitable amid wrestling over thoughts of yet another wardrobe adjustment.

"Okay, take your time," David replied.

He closed the door and calmly stood in the front hallway awaiting further instructions. Two minutes turned into five and David was on the verge of storming the bathroom.

"Are you going to come out?"

She was running out of excuses and mascara, "I told you we should meet later. I needed more time."

"I'm sure you're perfect just the way you are," he said borrowing a little from Billy Joel.

He walked into the small kitchen and looked at a picture of Olivia with her grandma', not that he needed further affirmation that she was truly a nice person.

Five more minutes passed and it was time to start the date, "I'm coming in," David stated.

"I'm ready," a sweaty Olivia said as she was coerced out of her hiding placed.

He was so happy to finally see her, so he kissed her on the cheek and squeezed her real tight. She put her head on his chest and finally realized what it felt like to be home again after feeling lost for so many years. Nothing was on David's mind except having a great time with Olivia and, of course, spending the rest of his life with this beautiful woman.

The Date

Usually outgoing and confident Olivia was atypically nervous out of the gate. After they embraced, she walked into the kitchen and plunged her arm into the sink to release the water that backed up after she hurriedly washed the dishes.

"Why are you so nervous?" David said for the first of many times.

They left the apartment and walked across the street to David's car, "Let's go into the city," he said with no other plan than getting back to double-digit street numbers as quick as possible. He tried to look at her but she was still stuck in her shell. David put a Chaka Khan CD on and waiting for the magic to happen.

"Are you going to look at me today?" a playful David asked.

Olivia just smiled because she wasn't sure of the answer.

"The Upper West Side" was the answer to the question "Where would you like to go in the city?"

They parked the car on Broadway and walked over to Columbus Avenue. More than 10 years earlier, David lived with Elise in an apartment the size of a matchbox on the corner of 70th and Broadway. But, on this day, his memory faded into the shadows and all of his focus was on Olivia. They walked around a street fair and David noticed and older gentleman walking ahead of them with a pair of red plaid pants that were firmly wedged up his butt and a camel-colored sweater draped over his shoulders.

David looked at Olivia and said, "That's the money outfit. That was my second choice today, including the cash sweater over the shoulders."

She laughed and then looked at him full on, as the tension was finally broken. It was his first full view of her deep blue eyes and he loved it!

"You hungry?" David asked as they walked near a local deli.

"I just ate lunch, but I'll sit with you," Olivia replied.

David ordered pesto tortellini and a bottle of water and Olivia picked a Diet Coke, which prompted him to say, "All of these artificial sweeteners will kill you."

She put the soda back and picked up water, which he immediately took from her and paid for. It had taken only 20 minutes for the two to be so comfortable that they were now the only people on the earth. Although there were thousands of people roaming the Manhattan streets, they were only set decoration for the two main players.

The Museum of Natural History was the easy choice because of the proximity to their location. However, the only thing that was unnatural about the choice was David's aversion to the creepy museum growing up. He often had nightmares about the realistic animals, people, and especially that dark-aura'd squid on the bottom floor. Even in his teens, he never dared approach the ink-spewing menace. Scenery was just that on this day and would only serve as a backdrop to the date.

David was a big fan of the stars, so he suggested that they go to the planetarium. Olivia couldn't wait to be under the stars with him and the relative physical distance between the couple was tightening with each passing comfortable minute. They rode up an escalator and David's leg brushed against Olivia's propelling his thoughts to kiss her. But he was a gentleman and would wait for an appropriate moment to attempt a lip lock.

They waited on line to get in for another 15 minutes until the previous show ended. Once they sat down, the lights turned low and the familiar voice of Tom Hanks caressed David's ears like a beautiful aria. Tom had always been there for David, from his heartfelt performance in 'Sleepless in Seattle' to his solitary struggle in 'Castaway'. Being a widower and a man who chose to continue living despite adversity rang true to David. And now here was Tom again, on what was the most important day in David's life, telling him that everything was going to be all right and that he was on the right path.

All David could think about was kissing Olivia. It wasn't one of those moments when words would be interrupted by an impulsive kiss, either. Olivia was feeling it too but didn't want to make the first move. She had only been with David for slightly over an hour, but already she was started to feel as comfortable as she did during their four-hour conversations. The only man she had ever felt this comfortable with was her father, and he had unexpectedly died of a heart attack more than a decade earlier.

Audio Tom was finished with his spiel about the galaxy, when David looked Olivia straight in her loving eyes and said, "Do you mind if I kiss you?"

It wouldn't have mattered if they were standing in a crowded subway car or at the top of the Andes Mountains, the first kiss was on the way and it was burning up the track behind it.

Their lips locked in perfect symmetry as fireworks blasted throughout the colorful sky amidst spectacular shooting stars. By the time the kiss ended some 30 seconds later the theater was empty and they both looked around and smiled. The wonder of losing yourself in the moment and being the only two people that mattered on the planet was burning in two people that believed in love. Lost in the sanctity of knowing when the right person comes along that they would be connected to for the rest of their lives.

They strolled and talked and sat and enjoyed the quiet embrace of pure satisfaction. It was 4:30 p.m. and there was no end to the date in sight. The city had an abundance of restaurants but David was dying to show Olivia his world, and she was not far behind his thoughts.

"Why don't we go closer to me for dinner," David said as they sat inside the Museum of Natural History near the prehistoric exhibit.

Olivia really didn't care where they were as long as she could kiss those lips again. Now that she spent some time and got to know the man, she was definitely curious of where the he lived despite her negative predisposition toward Long Island. Months earlier she had interviewed at a large mall on Long Island and the experience was definitely unpleasant. She had also heard horror stories from her brother about his experiences going to college on Long Island, but he was negative about everything and words that fired out of his mouth had to be taken with a few pillars of salt.

David put a mix CD on for the trip home and Olivia was pleasantly surprised how nice the drive and her surroundings were. He picked a place that he went with the kids often called Bernini's and they sat down and share a pizza. He wasn't happy the whole meal because their seats where too far across from each other, so he reached across and held her hand—much in the way he had for much of the ride home. They had a little leftover pizza, so the waitress boxed it up and they were off.

David had some residual affect from his laser eye surgery and driving at night was a bit of a challenge. But the truth was that he really drove all the way back from the city to Long Island so he could show Olivia where he lived... where he hoped she would live with him one day. He easily adhered to his rule about not bringing a woman back to his house unless he was sure. And, in this case, David's gut was telling him that he couldn't have been surer.

They had a small conversation about what to do next and she let him use the excuse that night driving was difficult. Going back to that empty apartment definitely paled in comparison to snuggling with a man that she actually liked for a change.

"I want to take you to my house," he stated.

She replied, "I'm excited to see it."

As David pulled in to his driveway he said, "Here it is," and then proceeded to tell Olivia all of the things that he had done recently to the outside of the house. She marveled that such a big man could be so gentle with both his words and his touch around the outside of the house. She thought for a moment that he might be gay, but quickly put that to rest when the memory of their first kiss snuck back into her mind.

The sun was setting as they entered the house, much to the excited of the two girl dogs, Sally and Chelsea. Sally was a fluffy, mushy Golden Retriever and Chelsea, well Chelsea was a Yorkshire terrier in every sense of the word. It was the classic his and hers dog set, with David securing Sally for his sanity and Elise had cornered the Yorkie market with first Seamus and now Chelsea. Seamus was a little guy who used to sleep under the covers against David's stomach, while Chelsea slept behind his legs.

Seamus lived to the ripe old age of 10 before he had to be put to sleep a few months before Elise was diagnosed. The local vet did a poor job explaining how he would be put to sleep, all he said was "Do you want to stay while he goes down?" David looked at Elise and they were hesitant at first until the doctor said, "Many people don't stay for this part," which seemed like a slight against such uncaring and unfeeling people.

So they stayed in the room while Dr. Baxter got a needle and put it into Seamus while David held him on the table and pet him. They expected a slow fade-out that would last a few minutes, but what they got was immediate and shocking death. Although they both knew what they were there for, the sudden nature of virtually freezing their dog in his tracks was as painful as any human death, or so David thought at the time. Obviously, he would know the naked truth about man versus animal following Elise's end. Elise and David both sobbed in the examining room for a few minutes until they were able to collect themselves enough to show their faces, pay the bill and leave.

Olivia looked around the ranch house as David led her and the dogs to the back door. She stepped outside and instantly said, "Wow!" as she gazed upon the large, fenced-in, natural paradise. "This is cool," she added as she looked at the basketball court and all of the kids toys on the patio. "The kids must love it back here."

David waited for Sally to finish watering the grass and then picked up a tennis ball and tossed it to the other end of the third-acre yard. Sally loved to run and David loved to throw in this retrieving match made in heaven. She ran back toward David and flipped the ball at Olivia, who scooped up the ball and threw it as far as she could. David felt a vibration in his pants, so he reached in his left pocket and pulled out his cell phone.

"Hello."

It was David's sister Brenda on the phone, "Harmony forgot her pajamas."

"What do you mean? I put them in the bag."

Olivia looked at David and he rolled his eyes and smiled.

"She doesn't want those pajamas. She wants a different pair."

Harmony was the master of manipulation. She was especially proficient when it came to leading around Brenda by her surgically-adjusted proboscis. This interaction with her aunt gave Harmony the early training she needed to attempt a takeover of the entire world when she hit puberty, which seemed to come a few days after she lost her last baby teeth.

Harmony was in love at first sight, much in the way her father had responded hours earlier. Her father was trying but he lacked the X chromosome necessary to rate in her world. She saw the perfect playmate and friend in Olivia, who was 10 years her dad's junior and much prettier. She held Olivia's hand almost instantly and made sure to whisper to her dad that this was the one, despite not meeting any other women.

In

Olivia wasn't sure if Max liked her at first, but he didn't trust anyone but David and, occasionally Grandpa' Aaron. His lack of exposure to women during his formative years definitely had an impact on how he related to the opposite sex. The bond between mother and son would not be truly forged until Olivia and Max lived under the same roof because then, and only then, he would know that she was for real.

It was a four-month struggle for the couple to see each other only on the weekends. David wasn't the kind of person that could turn his emotions on and off, and the distance relationship was definitely not to his liking, although he had been the master of the long-distance relationship through much of his college years.

His freshman year was marred by a deteriorating high school relationship that spilled over and refused to end. Sophomore year was partially interrupted by a difficult summer relationship that he ended a little quicker. Senior year and David finally got the hang of the catch and release with a relationship that was going nowhere. When he and Melanie Gold had little to say to each other after being apart for more than a month, he knew that time could be wasted no longer. The one constant all of these relationships was David's fidelity, except a minor make-out session his freshman year with a girl that had a bit too much to drink.

The summer was around the corner and David was scheduled to start graduate school in a few weeks. He and Olivia were coming to the crucial point in the relationship where she was either going to move in with him or she had to move on. Her reluctance to make the big move had everything to do with her fear of commitment, not her love for David. One Friday night sealed the deal for her, however...

Olivia hated taking Long Island Rail Road trains, but it was the only way she could efficiently get from the city to Long Island. She worked for a non-profit organization on Wall Street, producing video and audio campaigns and public service announcements. The timing of getting this job and meeting David couldn't have been better—job preceded man by a few weeks, giving her the confidence to believe that life had finally dealt her a good hand after so a steady flow of horrendous cards.

Olivia was the first girl born to Carl and Bonnie Vickers after a trio of boys: Kevin, Wally, and Adam. She came out of the womb feisty, yet possessing a heart of gold. Her brothers, five, four, and one year her senior were tough acts to follow and an even tougher group to get along with. Olivia was definitely the apple of her daddy's eye and the boys, especially Kevin and Wally, were not very pleased about the diversion of their father's attention.

The trains were indefinitely-delayed that Friday night that Olivia was trying to get back to Long island. David usually picked her up at the station in his Mustang convertible with the kids in the back seat. They ate dinner as a threesome on this night because Olivia wanted to go back to her apartment first after work and then come back to Midtown to take the train. She usually made life easier by taking the subway to Brooklyn and then the railroad from there.

"The trains are delayed," Olivia said as she called David from Penn Station at seven o'clock.

"Call me in a half-hour if there's no change," David replied as he knew the kids would be hitting the witching-hour and become tired.

A half-hour passed and the train situation was getting worse, not better. A power-outage on the main line had caused service interruptions well into the next day – there would be no trains leaving for at least seven hours and Olivia was prepared to head back up to her apartment.

David stood up in his room, "Stay put, we're coming in to get you."

Max was on the computer in the living room playing Backyard Baseball and he said "Dadio, Pablo Sanchez and Mike Piazza hit home runs. Mets winning eight, two."

"That's great! Put that game on hold. We're going into the city to pick up Olivia."

"Does she know Mike Piazza?" Max asked.

"I don't know, but we can ask her," an amused David replied.

He then called downstairs for Olivia and within minutes, the three of them were in the family's white Lexus SUV, which was David had bought for Elise. The red Mustang convertible was David's choice, but there was a chill in the air and he didn't want to hear complaints that people were cold.

About 40 minutes later, David zoomed through the Midtown Tunnel—even though he usually took the 59th Street Bridge—and proceeded to his home away from home, Madison Square Garden. Olivia was standing in front of the Manhattan Hotel with all of its underwhelming accommodations, across the street from The Garden. All David noticed that she was wearing on that night was a big smile. Olivia's prince had come into the big, bad city and saved her riding on a big white horse. Even though she had already known that David was her man, this act of selflessness gave her the final nudge to give up her apartment and move in with David and the kids.

"I can't believe you came?" she said in a stunned tone of voice as she sat down in the passenger seat. She looked behind her and Harmony was smiling and Max was pointing to The Garden, "Olivia, that's where the Knicks play basketbawl," in his best Long Island accent.

David kissed her and replied, "I wouldn't want to be anywhere else."

Rebooted

The actual physical move was a lot less strenuous than the decision to move, even though David threw out his back while moving Olivia's television. It was a lot more difficult to move TV's in this era before the advent of the flat-screen television. This solo act was customary for David to try to do things without asking for help—in fact, it was the story of his life.

It was a chore to get anything done within the confines of the Zucker household because there were so many forces working against each other. All David ever wanted was peace but all he seemed to be confronted with was adversity and strife. The question that was always was in front of David's mind was why? Why was everyone so angry all of the time? Why had he been dropped into a family that was obviously a polar opposite to him in terms of temperament? Why was it so difficult for his older sister to just love him? Why did it seem that there was a wedge a mile-long between his parents? Why, somehow, was it his responsibility to be the peacemaker and try to keep everyone together? Why, indeed.

Being alienated at an early age forced David to rely on himself for all of the big things in life. While his sense of compassion made him a good teammate, it was his self-reliance that drove him to step up at the end of games when others would simply defer. In a situation such as moving, he would rather have taken a number of trips than ask someone else for help. He learned over the years, albeit begrudgingly, that he would have to ask for help at work in the form of questions. There was no room for misinterpretation when money was on the line, and it also was a way for bosses to feel as if their workers gave a crap about what they were doing.

The cost for David of carrying a TV that he should have probably moved first, not last, was the temporary inability to move fluidly. He had a golf outing a few days after the move and was damned if a simple lack of movement would prevent him from furiously swinging a club into a curiously-unpredictable ball. It was a fairly light move otherwise, with the most precious of cargo being in the form of Olivia herself.

Olivia settled in to both her job and the new commute, which was she hated as much as the old commute. She traveled to different locations a few times a month, especially during the warm weather months, for events and video opportunities. About a month after she moved in, she was in Washington one weekend while David attended his 20th high school reunion. She heard all of the stories about David's glory days and was nervous about how he would react to being around old flames.

David, for his part, was more interested in the golf before the reunion than he was about the reunion itself. In fact, he invited a few of his friends, including his friend Harry who had graduated from his high school five years earlier, to play golf during the day of the reunion. Although David had spoken to a few friends through e-mail over the last six months, there was really no one that struck him in a positive tone aside from the initial "How you doing?" conversation.

David wished that Olivia was with him because he always wanted her by his side, but on this night he was happy to be able to kick back, drink a few beers and shoot the shit with some old friends. He could take a break from being daddy for a night and drink irresponsibly for a change, which was a stark contrast from his usual one beer a handful of times each year. Being a big guy that usually had to replace fluids after physical exertion had its advantages, especially when it came to drinking. He was given his nickname, "the sponge" in his sophomore year of college when he drank a 12-pack of beers and then said, "Now we can get down to some serious drinking," which usually meant that tequila would be called on to erase any and all memories.

Predictably missing from the reunion were his best friend from high school, who had somehow become allergic to fun and great memories, and his brother-in-law Barry Landau, who spent the better part of his teenage years turning ordinary household objects and produce into pot bongs. Although David asked him to go, even offering to pay for his whole night, Barry had about as much interest as David had in his old girlfriends, so it was a no-go. A night of drinking with old friends and then crashing in a hotel room must have sounded like torture anyway.

Meeting Olivia was a life-changing event for David, but he had shifted his focus away from the woman of his high school years even before he met her. In life, there are people you marry and there are people you don't marry. As great as the people were from his high school, David looked at the collective bunch of women as the training bra period of his life. He was just forming all of his raw dating skills back in the late 1970's and early 1980's, only to fully develop those skills as he moved along in college. As a late bloomer, he finally came into his own at the ripe age of 21, years after his awkward experiences in high school.

The minute David stepped into the room where the reunion was held he knew this would be the spot where he and Olivia would get married. He envisioned them dancing to their first song, Through the Fire by Chaka Khan, and could feel nothing but positive vibes shooting through the room—and this was before he started drinking.

In only five short months, David had been completely rebooted, reset, through the magical life keys of Ctrl, Salt, Del. When David picked Olivia up at the airport later the next day from her trip they hugged and kissed as if they hadn't seen each other in months. And, as they were driving home in the convertible, he was perfectly relaxed when he said, "I found the place where we're going to get married."

She laughed at how sure he always was about their union, although she was just as unwavering in her commitment to him.

"You haven't even asked me to marry you yet!"

He had already picked out the ring and was only a few days from dropping down to one knee and completing the proposal.

David turned to her and stared deep into her eyes, "I love you. I have always loved you and will always love you, in this life and others to come. We will always be together."

Tears flowed from her eyes as they held hands—his right and her left—and then gently leaned their heads against each other and lived happily ever after.

