

ENJOY THE SUNSET

_Living Fully, Ageing Well_

www.OMFLit.com

OMF Literature Inc.  
776 Boni Avenue  
Mandaluyong City, Metro Manila

Copyright (C) 2006 by Evelyn Miranda-Feliciano  
Published in the Philippines 2006

Scripture quotations are taken from:

Good News Bible: _Today 's English Version_. 2nd edition. GNB [or TEV, where applicable]. Copyright (C) 1992 by the American Bible Society. Used by permission of Philippine Bible Society. All rights reserved.

Holy Bible: _Contemporary English Version_. CEV. Copyright (C) 1995 by the American Bible Society. Used by permission. All rights reserved.

Holy Bible: _New International Version_ ®. NIV®. Copyright (C) 1973, 1978, 1984 by Biblica. Used by permission of Zondervan. All rights reserved.

Holy Bible: _New Living Translation_ ®. NLT®. Copyright (C) 1996 by Tyndale House Publishers, Inc. Used by permission. All rights reserved.

Holy Bible: _Revised Standard Version_. RSV. Old Testament section, copyright (C) 1952 by the Division of the Christian Education of the National Council of the Churches of Christ in the United States of the America. New Testament section, copyright (C) 1946 by the Division of the Christian Education of the National Council of the Churches of Christ in the United States of the America. Used by permission. All rights reserved.

_The Living Bible_. LB. Copyright (C) 1971 by Tyndale House Publishers, Inc. Used by permission. All rights reserved.

The Message: _The Bible in Contemporary Language_. Copyright (C) 1993, 1994, 1995, 1996, 2000, 2001, 2002 by Eugene H. Peterson. Used by permission of NavPress Publishing Group. All rights reserved.

_New American Standard Bible_ ®. Updated edition. NASB® [or NASU®, where applicable]. Copyright (C) 1960, 1962, 1963, 1968, 1971, 1972, 1973, 1975, 1977, 1995 by The Lockman Foundation. Used by permission. All rights reserved.

Cover design by Jonathan De Vera  
Page design (print version) by Marianne Ventura

Electronic ISBN 978-971-009-143-0  
ISBN 978-971-511-951-1

First printed in the Philippines

_This book is dedicated_...

_Especially to David,_

_my husband of forty years_

_whose love and understanding_

_provide me wide, open spaces_

_to become the person and writer_

_that I am today_.

_And to you,_

_who may be growing old in years_

_but whose heart remains young_.

#### CONTENTS

Preface

Chapter

1 " _Araykupo!_ I'm Growing Old!"

2 Ageing in the Bible

3 Everything Beautiful in God's Time

4 Strength Renewed, Life Sustained

5 "I Will Never Leave You..."

6 Finding Power in Weakness

7 Sex and Intimacy in Our Sunset Years

8 Wellness... in spite of Pain

9 Creative Ageing

10 Fine Dying

11 Grace of Being, Joy of Contemplation

References

Appendices

A Mind Alert Exercises

B Awaken those Muscles!

C Benefits for Senior Citizens

Endnotes

About the Author

#### PREFACE

_" The nicest thing about getting old is you don't have to worry about it anymore."_

GEORGE BURNS, AMERICAN COMEDIAN

_T_ his is a book dedicated to those who know they are _growing_ old, those who _think_ they are already old, and those who _feel_ oldness has already blurred their colorful vista of life and has registered into their creaky bones, regardless of their ages.

The number of these kinds of people are in millions in Asia alone. According to _Food Facts Asia_ , a publication of the Asian Food Information Center, the number of senior citizens (60 years old and above) would increase by 314%, from 207 million in year 2000 to 857 million by 2050. East Asia countries are beginning to worry about their graying societies. In Japan, more and more of its people are hitting the age of 100! In China the proportion of people 65 and over will probably double in the next 25 years from 8% (of the population) to 16% in 2030, according to the UN projections. The Philippines is estimated to contribute between 10 to 15 million to the worldwide statistics.

Growing old is unstoppable, this is despite the billion-dollar attempt of cosmetologists worldwide to make people forever "looking" young, if possible. Medical sciences, too, have made leapfrog discoveries to preserve the suppleness of muscles, the flexibility of human bones and the tone of skins. Still such heroic attempts to prolong life, and evade ageing are effective only to a certain extent. Yet growing old is a commutable sentence, according to Gail Sheehy. She simply means that there is no fixed number at which we stop being middle-aged and are sentenced to being "old."

Ecclesiastes 12:2-5 ( _LB)_ describes quite baldly (no pun intended) the state of ageing as it warns the heedless, God-evading youth. It says "The light of the sun and moon and stars is dim to your old eyes, and there is no silver lining left among the clouds. Your limbs will tremble with age, and your strong legs will grow weak. Your teeth will be too few to do their work, and you will be blind, too. And when your teeth are gone, keep your lips tightly closed when you eat! Even the chirping of birds will wake you up. But you yourself will be deaf and tuneless, with a quavering voice. You will be afraid of heights and falling, white-haired and withered, dragging along without any sexual desire."

What is described above is the physical degeneration, expected, unavoidable and most likely repulsive and painful to us who are already at the threshold of ageing and, unimaginable to those who think they are still young. But surely, ageing can be made graceful and gracious despite the wrinkles, the tremors and the toothlessness. In fact, this has been shown by numerous examples.

A good number of people have made history in their senior years and their efforts benefited whole societies. Think of Moses and the Ten Commandments. He crafted God's command when he was well into his 80s. The Ten Commandments has become the legal foundation of all democratic institutions in the world today. Think of Golda Meir, the mother of modern Israel. At 71 years old, she became Israel's Prime Minister (1969-1974) and ably led her country through the famous Six-Day War against their Arab neighbors. Think of our own Dr. Jovito R. Salonga. His series of legislation while in government are landmarks in our jurisprudence. Equally in his 80s, and though already retired from politics, he exemplifies what it means to be a true statesman and nationalist. Presently he is still in the forefront of pursuing justice and righteousness in our government.

But even if we are no Moses, Meir or Salonga--public figures who loom large in the world's screen--it is still possible to age well. As columnist Ramon J. Farolan wrote, "Growing old is a function of time, but growing old gracefully is more of a state of mind which brings out the best in every man."

Just how do we do that? Well, there are no magic formulas. Just intuition, obedience to God, careful observation and sensitive living of a life that definitely does not stay stationary. We are sandwiched between two great boundary events: birth and death. And it is up to us to be attentive to the vast essentials given us, ponder over on their meanings and find our presence in them.

In this book, let us with joyful hearts and hopeful disposition hold hands and travel together in this great adventure of ageing well, in full grip of the promises of God. He is the Lord of the young and the old, and of those who are in between, the Almighty One of yesterday, today and forever.

_Evelyn Miranda-Feliciano_

_20 July 2005_

# _1_

# " _Araykupo!_  
I'm Growing Old!"

_" It is for us old people to build our lives,_

_lives that are worthwhile, interesting and_

_worthy of respect, and so to arouse fresh_

_hope in the young, that they can look_

_forward to a happy old age. It is for us to_

_show that it is possible in old age to live a_

_life that is different from our working life,_

_but quite as useful and satisfying. "_

PAUL TOURNIER

_" We do not feel the passing of years,_

_but we sense the impressions of old age. "_

IBANAG PROVERB

_I_ remember when I was newly married, market vendors would call me " _Ne_ " or " _Ineng_ " (generic titles for young girls), although I was already 25 years old then. After the babies came, a cloud of doubt crept into their voices, "Miss?" "Mrs.?" Then, I became a "Ma'am" which later changed into " _Inay_." And in the last few years, some people have begun saying, " _Lola, dito po kayo umupo_ " (Grandma, here, have a seat).

Filipinos, and most Asian cultures, on the whole, respect and value their elderly citizens. Ideally, wisdom, spirituality, self-control and richness of experience are attributed to the old. They are to be treated with deference, generosity, understanding and much care by their societies. However, in today's modern world, it seems this is no longer so. A number of common Filipino expressions alone show that we are guilty of _ageism_. This is the attitude that discriminates against the old, indirectly broadcasting the message that "younger is better." These are some slights against the elderly:

_" Ang kulit-kulit mo, para kang matanda!"_ (You're a super pest, you're like an old person!)

_" Matanda ka na yata. Bakit ka sobrang malilimutin?"_ (You must be getting old. Why are you so forgetful?)

_" Ba't arroz caldo ang hapunan natin? Matanda na ba tayo?"_ (Why chicken porridge for supper? Are we already old?)

_" Ay kalbo, matanda!"_ (Oh, he's bald, he's old!)

_" Matanda na 'yan kasi, balat-sibuyas!"_ (He's old already that's why he's oversensitive)

Listening to these and many more thoughtless remarks belie society's supposedly respectful attitude towards the elderly that diminishes them in no uncertain terms. Although some of us elderly could take the slights with a grain of salt and walk away unaffected, there are others who flare up which only provides further evidence that the particular dig is true. Yet, there are those who simply wilt inside and pity themselves, accepting the remarks as their due. They begin to either dread or hate the ripening years of their life.

**WHY DO WE BECOME OLD?**

Why do we become old? What makes us grow old? These are not inane questions. The earlier we understand ageing, the more open we become to accept it, and the readier we're able to neutralize and fend some of its negative effects on us.

The earlier we understand ageing, the more open we become to accept it.

With the knowledge, we're also given the opportunity to develop capacities to make our latter years perhaps even more satisfying than our early, younger years--and, make it more meaningful, both to ourselves and to others. In this way, ageing would not be something to be dreaded and avoided. Armed with basic information, we also learn to sidestep the temptation of resorting to all kinds of anti-ageing devices that make some older men and women look hilariously laughable. _" Hindi bagay sa edad"_ (It's not becoming for his or her age), we would say of an older person acting like a teenager or looking like a sex kitten. Or we might recite a line of a proverb, " _Nagmumurang kamatis_ " (Trying to be a fresh tomato), when we want to joke about an older person's putting on thick make-up or being overdressed. Though of course, it's their life and their money, nevertheless, we live in a world that despite its liberal outlook still has some expectations of us--the elderly.

Growing old is the product of time, and there's nothing much that we can do about it. But it is the _feeling_ , not only of becoming old, but of _oldness_ itself that haunts not a few people. "It's somewhat a cliche," says Russel T. Hitt, 83, long-time editor of _Eternity_ magazine before his retirement, "to observe that some people are _old_ at 40 and others feel young at 90. We are wholistic beings. If our minds and hearts are stimulated, even our bodies seem to be affected. _Shalom_ --a sense of well-being--affects us when we walk in fellowship with the living God and His Son, Jesus Christ."

How true, but for the moment, we want to understand the changes that happen with the onset of old age.

**LOOKING INTO THE MIRROR, CLEARLY**

Physically, our bodies run down as we get older, although some bodies decline sooner and more quickly than others. When disease strikes, some bodies can quickly recover, but others don't. One's lifestyle partly explains the different responses. A quick deterioration of our body may be the result of unhealthy work conditions or having deprived the body of adequate exercise or sufficient rest. We may have abused our bodies by too much smoking, eating, or drinking alcohol.

Doctors pinpoint stress as another villain that speeds up the body's eventual ageing, or sometimes, sudden collapse. I have seen many women looking much, much older than their actual age due to the stress and strain of bearing too many children, and of having to make a living for their families to survive. Equally, many men have become stooped, wrinkled and toothless beyond their years as a result of hard, unrelenting work in sugarcane plantations or sweatshops.

Mental attitude also has a lot to do with how our physical appearance would turn out, whether pleasantly or unpleasantly wrinkled. "I live one day at a time, thanking God for the gift of life," says Bert, 75, slapping his thigh, a smile creeping into his eyes. He stands in contrast with grandma Socorro who at 65 has become a sour lemon towards almost everybody. "Nothing is perfect," she says, except "during my time."

The point is, any combination of physical stress or mental factors, or all of them could explain the type and speed of our physical decline. What is unfortunate for many is to realize that these causes have already happened in the past when they were still younger, when they thought that old age was still too far away to bother about. For example, a vice like smoking in the younger years could cause cancer or emphysema (a disease characterized by difficult breathing) towards old age. Or, a stressful life while in the middle years of providing for the family could lead to hypertension and cardiac problems. Or, a personality that by nature is pessimistic, worrying over every detail, could lead to lingering depression. Thus, there is much wisdom in the idea that to age well is to live well while still young. As the Tagalogs would say, _" Kung ano ang pagkabataan, siyang pagkakatandaan"_ (What you are in youth, you will be in old age).

To age well is to live well while still young.

Our physical appearance evidently changes with age. The growing-old generation experiences graying, thinning, falling hair and receding hair line. There is loss of teeth, decreasing weight, wrinkling skin, prominent eye bags, sagging breasts, dark spots on the skin and other visible signs no longer unfamiliar to us. These and more could become scary to us. Why?

In a society that worships frills, thrills and youthfulness, it is easy for us not-so-young to have our self-esteem plummet and feel insecure. Such attitude may lead some of us to neglect our own bodies altogether saying, _" Bakit pa ako mag-aayos? Total matanda na ako!"_ (What's the point of fixing myself up? I'm old!) Or worse, " _May asawa na ako_ " (I am already married anyway.). This reasoning is a cop-out, an insult to the self and to God who has gifted us with bodies and years. Unless we are bedridden and totally abandoned, being slovenly, dowdy or smelly (" _amoy lupa na "_) is never an excuse--whether one is young, old or in-between.

Not only do our physical looks change, our senses also become dulled. "This is bland," I would tell my son who loves preparing our meals when he comes home on weekends. "No, Mama, it's just right. It's your taste buds that crave for more salt." And, he must be right. When I do the cooking, everyone else complains. "You must have put sea water in here," my husband would joke. Our sense of taste degenerates. Studies show that at age 30 a person has an average of 245 taste buds, at age 75 the average is only 88. Our joints stiffen hindering our agility and movement; our energy level declines quicker and sometimes, we have to grab a rail or someone's arm for balance. Many of us have problems of recall (jokingly termed a case of "senior moment"). These changes come slowly but if we are unaware of the buildup of these changes, they can greatly interfere with our ability to get along with people and go to places.

Growing old involves systemic changes. Our bones become brittle. David, my husband, once fell from a madre cacao tree ( _kakawate_ ) while picking mature pepper berries ( _paminta_ ). It took six months for his sprained ankle to heal and another year more for him to walk without a limp. Others develop rheumatoid arthritis that restricts movement and creates pain. Osteoporosis causes the shriveling of the spine, which brings pain and limits mobility. Other changes occur in the muscular, reproductive, gastrointestinal, cardiovascular, respiratory, and central nervous systems which could only be detected and explained to us by doctors. Nevertheless, we need to learn to adapt to these physical changes by obeying doctors' orders, taking the prescribed medicines and maintaining a healthy lifestyle.

**" WHAT ARE YOU SICK OF? ME, I HAVE..."  
RECOUNTING ACHES AND PAINS**

For the elderly in Third World countries, illness and disease are realities we need to face. Not because age and disease are necessarily partners in the natural scheme of things, but because of other factors, primarily poverty. Societies tend to focus on the young, putting the old in limbo while governments hardly provide adequate medical attention, health care and social protection for the ageing. Thus, in places where the elderly congregate, they often regale each other with their aches and pains.

Still, we can tick off senior stalwarts whose age and illnesses did not detract them from getting involved with interests and causes beyond their call of duty. _Manila Times_ publisher Joaquin "Chino" Roces and former Senator Lorenzo M. Tañada, a nationalist and statesman, were well into their 70s when they lent their gigantic influence and presence in the many "parliaments of the streets" that helped topple the Marcos dictatorship in the original People Power in 1986. Ronald Reagan was in his 70s when he became president of the United States. Madame Margot Fonteyn was still dancing ballet when she was well into her 60s. Dr. Jovito Salonga is still with us today, a pillar of moral integrity and a voice of wisdom to a nation adrift; he is 85 years old.

But we do have to accept the reality that as we grow older, we face common physical problems. Once ill, anxiety sets in; much more, when our movement is diminished, we become discouraged. When we have to struggle with disease, old age could be a terrifying and depressing time of life. But when we are healthy, we can find our latter years interesting and fulfilling.

**" DURING THE WAR..."  
A MENTAL RETREAT**

"Those kids, I practically reared them up here," my stepmother-in-law, _Manang_ (title for older woman) Sofia, 75, said as soon as she ambled into the room, leaning on her cane. She slapped her lap by way of demonstration. "During the war..." she said and she drifted off while I was trying to find the switches in my mind to unscramble what in the world she was talking about. It was as if she had only paused for a while to go to the kitchen and came back to take her story up again. As she droned on, I later understood that "those kids" she referred to were the 16 Feliciano siblings, eight from the first wife of my father-in-law (David, my husband, being one of them) and nine others from her.

Some older people give up trying to exercise their mental faculty and retreat altogether to the familiar what-had-been. Inactivity or retirement makes them bored and discouraged. The death of friends saddens them. Limited mobility frustrates them. So they daydream of the good old days or the times when they felt they were significant in the scheme of life. The retreat to the past only contributes to their confusion and senility which may be more mental than physical.

Counselors and caregivers of the elderly should not brush aside the oft-repeated tales told them. Recent studies have shown that if reminiscences are discussed and shared, these may help the older people to reexamine the past beyond idealizing it, and get a better perspective of the events as they bear on the present and future.

To some, the fear of becoming an _ulianin_ (understood as forgetful or senile) hangs like a sword of Damocles. " _Baka ako may_ Alzheimer's" (I may have Alzheimer's), I have heard friends joke when they fumble for words or get their facts mixed up. Well, Alzheimer's disease and being _makakalimutin_ or forgetful are not the same thing. Alzheimer's is a degenerative brain disease, the cause or causes of which still baffle medical science.

Being mildly forgetful, on the other hand, could be overcome by exercising our mind (see "Mind Alert Exercises" in the Appendix). Medical findings have assured us that senility ( _pagiging ulianin_ ) is _not_ an inevitable part of ageing. As a matter of fact, 85% of people over the age of 65 experience nothing more than a slight forgetfulness.

**" I'M OLD, I'M NOTHING!"  
BELITTLING THE SELF**

"I'm old, I'm nothing!" so mutters Laura, a year after she had retired from a clerical job at 60 and experienced intermittent bouts of asthma. Her family seems to affirm her feelings of "nothingness" by treating her beyond the usual tender loving care. "Ma, stop watering the plants, you'd be tired before you knew it," warns her youngest son taking the sprinkler from her. "What are you doing now?" calls her daughter from her office. "I don't want to come home only to rush you to the hospital," her voice edged with sternness. "Mom, you're old. You've done enough for us. Lie down and rest," advises her eldest son.

"I feel besieged," Laura told me, _" Wala na ba akong silbi?"_ (Have I really become useless?).

I have the feeling that Laura may begin to believe the lie herself, although she knows within her that she could still scrub windows or climb a ladder to lop off stray bougainvillea branches. "It's too much fighting my children, so I just give in to their wishes. Now, I'm a great fan of the _telenovelas_!" Laura gave a despairing, raspy laugh. Her forced gaiety failed to cover the self-pity in her eyes.

Thus, growing old involves all that we are: body, mind and spirit. Depending on our frame of mind, the opinion or opprobrium of society on the elderly could become either a blessing or a deterrent, to whatever our sphere of service. However, regardless of the changes we go through and the prejudices we may encounter, ultimately, it is up to every growing-old person to define himself or herself. It is in our hands to decide to age well at whatever point in life we are. That choice is ours, and _is_ God-given.

Part of that choice is to face our fears and anxieties. And to learn to hold on to God's promises. Nothing can match the everlasting truths of the Holy Scripture to make us walk with confidence towards the sunset of our lives. As grandly expressed by William Jennings Bryan, an American orator-statesman of the early 1900s:

_" The Bible holds up before us ideals that are within sight of the weakest and the lowliest and yet so high that the best and the noblest are kept with their faces turned ever upward. It carries the call of the Savior to the remotest corner of the earth; on its pages are written the assurances of the present and our hopes for the future."_

To these assurances we want to cling.

# _2_

# Ageing in the Bible

_" Do you know of a book that you are_

_willing to put under your head for a_

_pillow when you are dying? Very well;_

_that is the book you want to study_

_when you are living. There is only one_

_such book in the world. "_

JOSEPH COOK

_" The glory of young men is their strength_

_and the beauty of the old men_

_is their gray hair. "_

HILIGAYNON PROVERB

COUNTING YEARS

_H_ ere's something to perk up our minds and increase our Bible knowledge. Match names under column A to the number of years under column B. Draw a line to connect your answers. If you find them posers, the passages on the right will help. Look them up _after_ you've made your best guess.

**HOW LONG DO YOU WANT TO LIVE?**

Long, healthy and happy years are considered by the Bible as a blessing from God. They are even assured and promised to us. Respect your parents, give them honor and you will live well and have a long, happy life (Exodus 20:12, NIV; Ephesians 6:1-3, NIV). But respect is not only exclusive for parents. "Rise in the presence of the aged, show respect for the elderly and revere your God. I am the LORD" (Leviticus 19:32, NIV) is a command that may look odd in our modern times. To many Asian youths nowadays, this is a remnant of the past age when respect, politeness and urbanity were given more importance than personal looks or business savvy.

Not so among the Jews. Rising before the elderly still remains a cultural practice. According to Rabbi Telushkin, the first few words of this verse are to this day still posted in Israeli buses to encourage people to offer their seats to the elderly. Or, the driver himself would specifically request passengers to do so.

Ideally, Jewish tradition considers it a blessing to live to a great old age. Some Jews would write: Dear so-and-so, _amush. Amush_ is the acronym of _ad meah v 'esrim shana_ which means "may you live to 120 years!" This is the ideal age because Moses lived to 120. "Yet his eyes were not weak nor his strength gone" (Deuteronomy 34:7, NIV). The Jewish sages of old such as Hillel and Akiva reached this age and remained intellectually and physically strong until the end.

Yet, as we read in Scripture, the amazingly long life spans of biblical characters in the early Genesis account ( _see_ Genesis 5--Did they really live that long?) begin surprisingly to shorten. By Moses' time, human longevity had become more modest. He said it himself in his own song (Psalm 90:10). Human life span had been reduced to three score and ten years (70), or 80, as an added bonus. And if we take note of the life spans of the successive kings in both Judah and Israel, with a few exceptions, they only got to live for an average of 50 years or shorter. Political and economic instability and spiritual unfaithfulness brought on wars, assas-sinations, diseases, slavery and exile. If royalty lived so shortly, we could only imagine the brevity of life of an average Jew.

Eugene Peterson makes this observation: "As distance from creation increases, the life span diminishes. This is often interpreted as a gradual deterioration of an original and wonderful vitality, a deterioration caused by the cumulative effect of sin in human nature."

**QUALITY OF LIFE, NOT LENGTH OF YEARS**

The Bible might have marked human life spans in its early phase as part of its traditional recording, but its emphasis is somewhere else. How we live our lives, regardless of age, not how long we last, is the more crucial issue. "For what does it profit a man, to gain the whole world (and live long) and forfeit his life?" Jesus asked, "For what can a man give in return for his life?" (Mark 8:36, RSV).

Today, that question still stands waiting for our answer. Jesus Christ continues to pose it to us, offering us a choice of a lifetime. "If you try to keep your life for yourself, you will lose it," He said. "But if you give up your life for my sake and for the sake of the Good News, you will find true life" (Mark 8:34-35, NLT). "I came so that everyone would have life, and have it in its fullest" (John 10:10, CEV). Quality life comes from Christ. All the rest that bursts forth from us issue from that Living Spring of goodness, grace, love and sacrifice.

Once I had the pleasant surprise of finding a septuagenarian in my writing class. When I asked him why he had thought of enrolling, he perked up. "All my life I had been busy as an engineer, raising up seven children with my wife, traveling the length and breadth of the Philippines and I haven't had the time to think of other things I really, truly want to do for myself, like write. Then, God entered my life in my retirement years! All of a sudden, I felt a surge of new life. I want to live knowing Christ more in order to serve Him better--even in my sunset years. Writing may help me." The engineer stayed on and did his best. He might not have been quite successful in his writing attempts, but he discovered something else more important. "For the first time, after many, many busy years, I dated my wife at a classy restaurant. And held her hands once again!" he confessed to the class grinning boyishly. "She was surprised, but I was thrilled!" We applauded him hard and long. He got his life back!

Paul Tournier found it a fine testimony for French novelist Rene Bazin to say that "when we grow old, everything leaves but God comes." But for Tournier, he is glad "that God did not wait until I was old to come into my life to call me to Him."

It is then wise to pray: "Teach us to use wisely all the time we have" (Psalm 90:12, CEV). Moses prayed this prayer at the time when apparently his main work was done. He was getting on in years and could have just sat back and relaxed. Yet, he thought otherwise. For though it may be true that wisdom comes with age, to most people, it is always imperfect wisdom. And to gain deeper insight, spiritual discernment and skills in various fields, (by which wisdom is meant when used in Scriptures), should be an ongoing concern, regardless of age. For "life ends like a sigh," Moses further observed. And even the "best years bring trouble and sorrow." And then, "Suddenly our time is up, and we disappear" (Psalm 90:10, CEV).

True, in the light of God's eternity, a human life may be like a passing mist. A mere sigh. A day flower on the wayside. But it doesn't mean God does not see us, nor hear us, nor care for us. Not one falling hair blows away from our already balding head without the Father knowing it. Nor for one sparrow, ordinary as it is, does He not care (Luke 12: 6-7). Jesus said, "So don't be afraid! You are worth much more than many sparrows" (Matthew 10:31, CEV).

Scripture affirms life at all points, including old age.

As the Good News, Scripture affirms life at all points, including old age. It is important to remember nowadays that God continues to care for us and He assures us of His presence. The young generation seems to be always in a hurry to "fulfill their destinies." This get-up-and-go age appears impatient with those of us who were born in and reared up in more genteel, quieter, slower days. More often than not, as we get stranded in the middle of a rushing traffic, we're not only afraid for our lives, we also feel lost and neglected, if not altogether abandoned.

King David felt such loneliness as he was growing older and had become battle-weary. His friends had abandoned him and his enemies were circling around like vultures ready to prey on his straitened condition. "Don't throw me aside when I am old;" he cried to God, "don't desert me when my strength is gone" (Psalm 71:9, CEV). In his fear, he prayed again, "Don't leave me when I am old and my hair turns gray. Let me tell future generations about your mighty power." (Psalm 71:18, CEV).

Such vision David had even when his eyes were starting to dim! He still saw his role: that of proclaiming to future generations God's might and power. The apostle Paul in the New Testament shared the same far-reaching educating role for older men and women. However, in order to teach effectively, they must first become role models for the young.

**SENIOR MEN**

There are virtues older people should develop (Titus 2:1-5). Senior men, according to Paul must be _sober_ rather than _over-indulgent in wine_. The same virtue is encouraged for elderly women. The point seems to be that when men and women reach a certain age, they ought to have learned what are and what are not, true pleasures. Experience should teach older folk that the pleasures of over-indulgence cost far more than they are worth. And nothing is uglier and more shameful than to see an old person drunk!

Older men should learn to be _serious_. This has nothing to do with sourness of disposition which dampens everyone else's spirit into a lifeless, colorless rag. Rather, according to William Barclay, it is a behavior of a man who knows he lives in the light of eternity, and that before so very long he will leave the society of men for the society of God.

Older men must be _prudent_. Prudence describes a quality of mind that puts everything under control. "Over the years," Barclay explains, "the senior men must have acquired that cleansing, saving strength of mind which has learned to govern every instinct and passion until each has its proper place and no more."

Furthermore, there are three spiritual qualities which senior men must endeavor to keep.

They must continue to be _strong in faith, in love and in fortitude_. To be strong in faith means that as they add more years to their lives, they learn not to trust God less, but to trust Him more. To be strong in love is to learn to become more expansive and charitable rather than censorious and fault-finding. And to maintain their fortitude or staying power is to allow themselves to be tempered like steel against the onslaughts of life so that they are able to bear more and more. Then, they become valiant conquerors in all of life's troubles.

**HOW ABOUT SENIOR WOMEN?**

Women are called "into lives of reverence" (Titus 2:3, _The Message_ ) or in the translation of William Barclay, to carry a demeanor "such as befits those who are engaged in sacred things." To women wise in years and experiences, all life and activities are sacred and should be lived and performed before God's presence. They are called to a life of worship. This is in keeping with Paul's reminder in 1 Corinthians 10:31 (CEV): "When you eat or drink or do anything else, always do it to honor God." Thus, a woman whose life is lived in consciousness of the divine, chooses her words rather than prattles about and sows seeds of dissension and intrigue. Thus, she becomes a credible teacher-trainer of younger women, using her wisdom and experience to guide and encourage.

As our life span grows shorter and our body becomes weaker, the more our faith in God should grow stronger.

As our life span grows shorter and our body becomes weaker, the more our faith in God should grow stronger. It amazes me that I wake up alive every morning, a new lease on life given me by the Creator. "God is good and His love never ends!" is always an exciting discovery. The moral and spiritual examples of those who are ageing demonstrate that life has meaning and significance, and therefore worth living. May we echo Eugene Peterson's thanksgiving to the Lord: "I am grateful, O God, for the years you have given me, and the years still ahead. I receive each year as a gift, however many or few remain. Give me strength to live each one at my best and to Your glory, through Jesus Christ. Amen."

# _3_

# Everything Beautiful in God's Time

_" In His time, in His time;_

_He makes all things beautiful in His time,_

_Lord, please show me everyday_

_As You teach me Your way_

_That You do just what You say_

_In Your time. "_

DIANE BALL, "IN HIS TIME"

_" Even if your hair turns gray_

_and your face is wrinkled,_

_your happy heart will make you young. "_

ILOKO PROVERB

_P_ hysical looks matter whatever our age. It may have something to do with being _vanidoso_ or _vanidosa_ (being vain). For how could we explain the many trips we make in front of the mirror just to look at ourselves even at our age! In many cases, the older we grow, the more conscious we become of our looks. And more likely than not, the longer we preen before the looking glass.

My husband, who is losing his hair fast and has nothing much to cover his head anymore, regularly asks me to run the scissors through the straggling strands around his crown. "My, my," he'd exclaim delighted after the five-minute ritual, "my head does feel lighter now, thank you!" And hopeless as it may seem, I still press my finger on the sagging flesh that has settled permanently below my eyes wishing them to be less prominent! But these eye bags will stay unless I have them stretched, stitched or botoxed--which I have no intention of doing, ever!

The fear of losing our attractiveness is a real fear as the years begin to settle in the most unlikely parts of our body: lumpy ankles, flabby abs, double chin, creasing brow, crow's feet around the outer corners of the eyes and crinkled lines around the sides of the mouth. Most senior men and women add on unintended weight and become like overblown balloons, but then, there are others who shrivel like prunes. Whichever way, our physical configurations have changed, and some of us who were once thought to be the "belles" and "Romeos" in our younger days, take the transformation with dismay.

No wonder, today's cosmetics industry has raised a billion--(or, it could be trillion) dollar "anti-ageing" war. Stores are packed with anti-wrinkle creams, rejuvenating lotions, cell-renewing toners and a multitude of other youth-enhancing potions. Rubbed, brushed, bathed in, swallowed, these concoctions that come with exotic herbs, fungi, wild seeds and weeds make the cash registers of beauty and pharmaceutical companies ring merrily all-year round.

Right before me now is an ad that asks: "Wrinkles? Sagging skin? Blemishes?" (Is it angled towards us?) You're to go to this facial care center that will make you look like this smiling, smooth-faced, lovely woman in the picture. It's "Where Beautiful Skin Happens."

Others, who do not have the means, resort to much simpler, less expensive, home-grown facial treatments such as coffee-and-honey, oats, egg whites, and fruits.

Once, I chanced upon a friend sprawled on a bench with two round slices of cucumber over her eyes. I wondered aloud why she didn't just dip them in vinegar with a bit of salt and eat them. "Why, _Ate_ (older sister)," she explained to me without moving one bit, looking like the alien ET with its green bulging eyes, "they help remove my eye bags! And you know, _Ate_ , egg yolk (or, is it egg white?) is also good for toning your face." I formed a wordless "Oh" and left. I didn't want to interfere with her beauty ritual. But the last time I saw her, she still had the eye bags and her face was no smoother than mine!

Many men are equally vain, if not more vain, than women. "That husband of mine has changed a lot since he turned 60," a friend confided, tittering. "How so?" I asked. I knew him to be a practical, sober person. "Now, he spends so much time combing his hair! And you know _naman_ it's thinning on the pate, _no_! Now, he combs his hair upward to cover the patch!" And we both burst into laughter just as her husband came out. "Sorry, _ha_!" he apologized while we squelched our laughter into smiles. Indeed, he's got his crown covered. I only wished for him that the wind would not blow his cover away!

Body sculpting through surgery is not the preoccupation of the _artistas_ only (actors and actresses). The adventurous and moneyed senior men and women must be into liposuction, face lift, botox and the like. For how was it possible for the billionaire Donald Trump, Sr. to attract young, sweet, bosomy lasses at his age, for example? His money certainly did help, but most likely, also his remodeled body. Or, why have the gleaming faces we see in the society pages lasted so long up to this day? I've seen some of these women already written about and extensively photographed when I was just a kid, but they are still being written about today, when I'm in my 60s! Their skin, however, look just a little bit stretched around the eyes and mouth, and their faces pasty, whitish, and unnatural.

**THE BIBLE AND BEAUTY**

The Bible is not indifferent to physical beauty and attractive looks. In fact, the Creation account states that God is the God of all beautiful things. Everything that He created are all "good" and "very good" (Genesis 1:3, 10, 12, 18, 21, 25, 31). That is, where there was only chaos before, now there was order, harmony, balance, proportion that altogether spell beauty.

Both biblical writers and biblical characters were only too sensitive about who was beautiful. Twice, Abraham thought his life was threatened by the fact that his wife Sarah was definitely a looker (Genesis 12:10-20; 20:1-18). More afraid for his life than for his lovely wife's, he almost gave her up. First, to the Pharaoh of Egypt when Sarah was still his young wife. On the second instance, to a tribal king, Abimelech. At this time, Sarah was already old and was even thought to be beyond childbearing. The long years of waiting and praying must have simply made her more attractive to older, wiser men.

The prophet Samuel almost fell into the trap of appearances while searching for the would-be king of Israel when he saw the height and handsome look of Eliab, the eldest son of Jesse. "He isn't the one I've chosen," said God nudging Samuel. "People judge others by what they look like, but I judge people by what is in their hearts" (1 Samuel 16:7, CEV).

It was David that the Lord had chosen, but he was not in any way inferior in the looks department. "He was a healthy, good-looking boy with a sparkle in his eyes" (1 Samuel 16:12 CEV), so the account goes. Towards his senior years, David fell for the beauteous but married Bathsheba, and much of his pain in his latter years was traceable to this forbidden relationship which resulted in deceit, murder and family chaos.

David sired a son, named Absalom. "No one in all Israel was as handsome and well-built as Absalom" (2 Samuel 14:26, CEV). He was as handsome as he was rebellious and caused his father immeasurable heartaches. He died violently.

Definitely, Samson must have been ruggedly handsome and Delilah, a sweet, lovely vixen full of tricks up her sleeves.

And, Queen Esther rose to power due to her loveliness enhanced by a year-long beauty regimen. But to beauty, she added faith and courage, and she became more beautiful not only in face, but more so in character.

And we could go on and on in a litany of beauty. What is clear, on the one hand, is that God affirms comely looks wherever they may be found. On the other hand, there are more characters in the Bible whose physical appearances are never alluded to. Yet they stand out as men and women of outstanding achievements, noble character and deep spirituality. We do not know how Moses or Joshua exactly looked. Jesus' appearance has been the preoccupation of artists throughout the ages. But His looks have been all conjecture. Was Mary, His mother, pretty? How about Mary Magdalene? And Lydia or Tabitha? And was Paul handsome of face? Does it matter if they were attractive to look at or not? Wasn't their devotion, hospitality, helpfulness, courage enough to make them beautiful people? "Charm can be deceiving," Proverbs says, "and beauty fades away, but a woman (or man) who honors the Lord deserves to be praised. Show her respect--praise her in public for what she has done" (Proverbs 31:30-31, CEV).

Growing older does not mean we are to be less attractive, clean or winsome.

Growing older does mean a change of looks, but it does not mean we are to be less attractive, clean or winsome. A spot-free, wrinkle-free face may be hard to maintain, however painstakingly one may try, but there is more to life than skin-deep beauty. As God had reminded Samuel, "The Lord does not look at the things man looks at. Man looks at the outward appearance, but the LORD looks at the heart" (1 Samuel 16:7, NIV).

A heart that loves God projects an aura of peace putting our exterior in restful pose, and that is attractive enough. Cultivating that kind of heart is much more important than a well-toned skin and an athletic build. "It was your good looks that made you arrogant," the Lord chides the king of Tyre at his funeral, "and you were so famous that you started acting like a fool" (Ezekiel 28:17, CEV). But where the soul is beautiful, that becomes plainly and compellingly evident in old age.

The writer of Proverbs observes, "Young people take pride in their strength, but the gray hairs of wisdom are even more beautiful" (Proverbs 20:29, CEV). It's noteworthy that the _Contemporary English Version_ translation does not stop with simply having the "gray hairs" as a sign of wisdom as most translations do. But it is the "gray hairs of wisdom." Wisdom in Scripture refers to skills in the arts, a stock of knowledge or learning, discretion and spiritual insight. With these distilled in our long years of experience, we are made more attractive especially when we share them with the youth. Many young people today decry the dearth of models that encourage them to live worthy lives. But, "it is the old that you must consult," say the Ilokanos, for "not to heed their counsel is for the stupid," add the Bikolanons.

Thus, we need to be careful to go past the looks department. "Don't judge by appearances," Jesus once checked His critics. "Judge by what is right" (John 7:24, CEV). And what is right has nothing to do with looks or age.

Poet Edmund Waller (1606-1687) puts ageing beyond looks in succinct, lovely lines.

_" The soul's dark cottage, battered and decayed,_

_Lets in new light through chinks that time has made_.

_Stronger by weakness, wiser men become_

_As they draw near to their eternal home:_

_Leaving the old, both worlds at once they view,_

_That stand upon the threshold of the new. "_

When we're stronger, wiser, and still beautiful from the inside out, we have nothing to fear.

# _4_

# Strength Renewed, Life Sustained

_" The chief danger in life is that you may take_

_too many precautions. "_

ALFRED ADLER, AUSTRIAN PSYCHIATRIST

_" Strength and bravery_

_make life progress. "_

KINARAY-A PROVERB

_W_ hat is your anxiety as you grow older?" I asked in our women's fellowship.

"I am afraid to come down with a serious illness because we don't have money for hospitalization," Flor, 61, wrote in Filipino. _Aling_ (form of address for a woman) Leony expressed a similar fear. Even 48-year-old Nelia had the same worry.

One-third of those present gave almost the same answer. Generally, it is safe to say that illness and lack of money are fairly common concerns for the elderly in societies where poverty is prevalent and the security of senior citizens is not given priority by the government.

I, myself, just came from my cardiologist who read the findings of my carotid duplex scan report and echocardiography tests. "Your heart is okay," was his laconic remark, "but your carotid report needs the opinion of a neurologist." "Why Doc?" I asked a bit on edge. "She'll be the one to tell you what to do. Neurologists are experts on this." And he referred me back to my neuro doctor.

I went down to the next building of the hospital, wondering, _What on earth is wrong with my carotids?_ (These are the chief arteries that pass through the neck and supply the head with blood). My lady doctor listened with her stethoscope to my left and right carotids a number of times and stared hard at the findings, not giving away her thoughts. "What's up, Doc?" I asked. She gave a long sigh. "The report says here that your internal right carotid is 'totally occluded.' " "What does that mean?" I asked, not quite sure what occlusion meant. "Well, it is completely obstructed, clogged with plaque, or fat. That means the blood cannot freely reach the brain and you will always be in danger of a TIA (transient ischemic attack) or a stroke." "What's to be done?" I asked again, surprisingly unalarmed now, and taking the news with humor.

"You need an angiography." She explained in her best layman's language what it would entail. "And how much would that be?" "About P25,000." "And if it is found that, indeed, it is... occluded?" I hesitated to use the term. It sounded terrifying. "Then, you may need a carotid bypass." She explained the procedure making sketches on her medical pad. "And that is how much... ?" "Well, in a public hospital like PGH, around P240,000 but in an upscale hospital, it could easily double." "Doc, _magpi_ -pray _na lang ako_ " (I'll just pray), I told her and we grinned at each other.

"In fact," she continued, "I can't quite understand because when I listened with my stethoscope, I could hear both carotids pulsating. That means, both left and right are sending blood to the brain. If the right is totally clogged, then I would hear nothing." That seemed an immediate answer to my prayer already.

Still, she advised me to go for an angiography and gave me a referral to another specialist. But I am not running to this doctor as quickly as I can. I am still praying and really thinking hard about it.

This is just to illustrate, from a personal experience, the fear we all share as older people. Not only are we afraid to catch a serious ailment, we are just as much scared of the financial obligation that will go with it. The TV ad _" Bawal magkasakit_" (You're not allowed to get sick) has encapsulated our common dread as a people.

How do we allay these twin fears?

**TELL GOD WHAT 'S BOTHERING YOU**

In my case, I ran to God and reported the matter. I expressed my fears and, in His mysterious way, I was calmed down. "On the day I called, you answered me, you increased my strength of soul" (Psalm 138:3, _The Message_ ). What I may not gain in strength of body, God will increase in my strength of soul, and these renewed spiritual sinews at most times overcome physical weakness. And even if my body breaks down, God will give me the courage to face it. Not because I am able, on my own, but He enables me. And that makes a lot of difference in facing life's pains, physical and otherwise.

King David, the poet, experienced such strength from God and so declared:

"I praise you, LORD, for being my guide,

Even in the darkest night,

your teachings fill my mind.

I will always look to you,

as you stand beside me and protect me from fear,

With all my heart, I will celebrate, and I can safely rest."

PSALM 16:7-9, CEV

**SEE YOUR DOCTOR**

Unlike me, who has been found quite late with essential hypertension, many older persons are still in fairly good health, give and take some achy bones. At least the women in our church were only expressing _future_ fears of getting sick.

This means they, and many others, are still in a position to take care of their health before it deteriorates. And those of us who have already been living with our "favorite" ailments like diabetes, hypertension, or heart problems, can still take caution and care either to totally eradicate the disease, or contain it from becoming serious by taking proper medicines.

This can only happen if we pay the doctor a visit. A competent, thorough physical check will give us the necessary information on the state of our health. "But that will involve money!" many elderly would whine. Of course, it will involve some money, but not one-fourth or half a million or more pesos!

It is curious for many middle-class Filipinos, or Asians, for that matter, to balk at going to a hospital or seeing a doctor and plunking down some amount for a check-up and medicines. But they would spend a lot of money once their loved one is already comatose or dead! A neighbor just died after a lingering illness at home, the family being afraid of the hospital bills if he were brought there. Yet, when he died, the relatives pooled their resources together and got him an P85,000 _ataul_ (coffin)! Why, if they had spent that money on him when he was still alive, he could still be up and about today.

**KEEP YOURSELF HEALTHY**

The doctor can only tell us the state of our health and what precautions to make. All the rest is up to us. We still remain as the chief steward of our body.

The _National Geographic_ magazine recently came up with a story on the secrets of longevity and good health of three groups of people: those in Okinawa (Japan), Sardinia (Italy) and La Loma, California (USA). Despite differences in backgrounds and beliefs, all three groups of 50 octogenarians and centenarians have been found not to smoke.

In moderation the Sardinians drink red wine, the Okinawans eat only small portions and drink a lot of tea, while the Americans eat nuts and beans. All of them put family first. And there seems to be no dull, lethargic moments for these hardy people. They're active every day. Marge Jetton of La Loma who turned 102 years ago still drives and has renewed her driver's license for the next five years. Shepherd Tonino Tola of Sardinia never stops walking, chopping, trimming, roping, repairing and he lives with his wife. He is now 75. In the magazine article, 89-year-old Kami Ogido has her picture taken while intently examining a bit of seaweed on a slippery embankment by the sea. Seaweed is part of a low-calorie, plant-based diet that could be a secret of the long lives Okinawans have, the report alleges.

An active social life apparently keeps these elderly less inward-looking. The Okinawans keep lifelong friends who come at an instance of emergency to hold hands, to give financial or social assistance. The Sardinians keep to their large families, not unlike the Filipinos. And the ones in La Loma are faithful to their church's tenet of keeping the Sabbath holy and having faith in Christ. "To accept Christ is to be free, which reduces stress," explains their Adventist pastor, Scott Smith. To this Dr. Ellsworth Wareham, a member, completely agrees and says, "God directs, and God protects." At 91, he still assists in heart surgery.

Regardless of age, doctors and health books agree that to stay healthy there are just four general points to remember:

• Stop smoking

• Eat wisely

• Exercise regularly

• Promote mental health

The details of these points vary from one person to another. That is why we should make doctors and pastors or priests our best friends, besides exercising self-discipline and common sense.

**BUT WHAT IF WE STILL GET SICK?**

Then, the money problem comes in. Would my savings be enough, if I have any? Would my family help me? If they do, (and usually they do), how would it affect their own quality of life?

Illness and the financial obligations it may entail, is just one of those unpredictable factors that come with life. However, the ill effects of both can be cushioned. The illness, by precaution as we have already discussed earlier, and the financial obligation, by preparation. If we have been gainfully employed throughout our working years, then we are entitled to enjoy some financial benefits as retirees from the social security system. Even the self-employed can now avail of social security benefits for as long as they applied and paid their way through.

With our pinched economy, contracting labor force, and undeniable poverty, I felt like avoiding the topic of savings and/or investments for old age. This is for those of us who are still working in our middle or later years prior to retirement. _" Papaano mag-save kung kulang pa nga?"_ (How can we save if we don't even have enough?) my women friends asked. How, indeed?

However, we need to ask further. Is it really _kulang_ (not enough)? Surveys have pointed out that Filipinos, in general, are not savers, even if they have extra money to put aside. Neither are we investors, nor money-generators. We are big on spending and making _bongga_ (big impressions). Look how our national debt has overwhelmingly ballooned through the years.

Cursory impressions of how my village mates live bear these surveys true. Young people and adults alike own high-tech gadgets such as cell phones that eat substantial amounts of money but these are used primarily for social calls. The modernity, however, does not jive with the reality. Many of these people accumulate a long list of debt in nearby _sari-sari_ stores (small variety stores in the neighborhood). To speak to them about prioritizing their needs, much more saving for old age, would only draw blank stares.

But we refuse to be lumped together with the heedless and the uncaring. We know that wise budgeting would help. If we trim out the fat from our expenses--forego compulsive malling and buying, deny ourselves of soft drinks and the fast food habit, say no to vices and expensive friends, simplify our wants and stick to our needs--we may yet discover that saving for the future is not an impossibility. But it does take determination and discipline. And total agreement on the part of a married couple. A thrifty wife and a spendthrift husband cannot any savings make!

Though as a writer, I am not an expert in generating money, (my only money-generating effort is writing), many others among us are entrepreneurs by heart and experience. They put their savings into something that would make it grow. In this way, they are able to save for the rainy day, and for old age.

Besides, being retired doesn't mean we are totally hopeless in the area of earning money. Many retirees have merely shifted their interest and have remained productive. Some have even become richer than they were before.

Of course, pensions vary from one retiree to another, but if we have husbanded our savings well enough, it could be of immense help when emergencies come. Others, who are more forward-looking and financially able have taken out health insurance/s, precisely for future needs. In this way, medical expenses by way of hospital bills, doctor's fees and medicines would not come like a ton of bricks falling on their heads. It may be more than sufficient, thank God. But if it is not, at least, the health bills would not be as much.

And then, we can always rely on God's sufficiency. King David in his old age is a witness to our Lord's faithfulness. "I once was young," he wrote, "now I'm a graybeard--not once have I seen an abandoned believer, or his kids out roaming the streets" (Psalm 37:25, _The Message_ ).

Indeed, if we have been worrying about the future, how about looking back to see whether God had made a failure of Himself as regards us, His children. Have you ever experienced God leaving you in the lurch in the many crises of your life? Wasn't it He who picked you up? Wasn't it the Lord who ironed out the wrinkles and hammered down the dents in your relationships? Wasn't He the One who saved you from imminent danger or death? If He was the One, then, our fears for future provisions are unfounded.

Psalm 37 is a mine of assurances of how the Lord God is able to provide for us.

"Trust the LORD and live right!

The land will be yours, and you will be safe.

Let the LORD lead you and trust Him to help.

Then it will be clear as the noonday sun that you were right.

Be patient and trust the LORD..."

PSALM 37:3, 5-7, CEV

And even if our resources are meager, still King David assures us that,

"It is better to live right and be poor than to be sinful and rich.

The wicked will lose all of their power,

But the LORD gives strength

To everyone who is good."

PSALM 37:16-17, CEV

The thrust of these verses seems to be that there is no question as to the ability of the Lord God to provide for us. The problem lies with us. Can we trust Him? Are we living righteous lives? Do we allow ourselves to be led by Him?" God often chooses to be in partnership with us. He needs our willingness, our cooperation so that He can do what He enjoys doing for His children.

Jesus saw through our worries when He said: "Don't worry and ask yourselves, 'Will we have anything to eat? Will we have anything to drink? Will we have any clothes to wear?'" (Matthew 6:31, CEV). We may add as elderly, "Will we have money to pay the hospital when we get sick?"

Jesus continued, "Only people who don't know God are always worrying about such things. Your Father in heaven knows that you need all these. But more than anything else, put God's work first (or in other versions, seek first His kingdom) and do what He wants. Then the other things will be yours as well.

"Don't worry about tomorrow. It will take care of itself. You have enough to worry about today" (Matthew 6:32-34, CEV).

Then, again, our responsibility is to know _whom_ to focus on--and that is on God. "I am God Most High! The only sacrifice I want is for you to be thankful and to keep your word. Pray to me in time of trouble. I will rescue you, and you will honor me" (Psalm 50:14-15, CEV). "The sacrifice that honors me is a thankful heart. Obey me, and I, your God, will show my power to save" (v. 23).

How do we make this real?

I found some ways that are useful to me. Certainly, we all can discover something meaningful if we let our imagination work.

I set my day with a thankful heart by saying aloud or in my mind as soon as I wake up in the morning, "Lord, thank You for a new day and a new life!" Of late, I even composed a ditty in the tune of the song we often sing at mealtimes:

_" Salamat po, Panginoon!_

_Sa buhay kong taglay,_

_Araw-araw Iyong bigay;_

_Sambahin Kang tunay!_

(Thank You, Lord

for my life

that You give day by day;

I truly worship You!)

_" Salamat po, Panginoon!_

_Isip na malinaw;_

_Kalakasa 't pagpapala;_

_Purihin Kang kusa! "_

(Thank You, Lord

for a clear mind,

health and blessing;

I readily praise You!)

And I go about my work humming it softly or singing it aloud. I really like the "clear mind" part because without it, how can I write?

Also, for more than a year now, lighting a candle has become part of my ritual after I have set the table for breakfast and the evening meal, saying the prayer, "God of grace and Father of lights, thank You, Lord Jesus and Holy Spirit for the gift of life." Such a simple act puts me right in the presence of the Holy, so how then can I not be grateful?

In Dag Hammarksjold's autobiography, _Markings_ , he talks to God and writes: "You take the pen, and the lines dance. You take the flute, and the notes shimmer. You take the brush and the colors sing. So all things have meaning and beauty in that space beyond time where You are. How, then, can I hold back anything from You (God)?"

In old age, illness, finances--we cannot hold back from God. He holds them and He holds us. We are His domain. We belong to Him, and in Him our fears are put to rest.

# _5_

# "I Will Never Leave You..."

_" The Duke of She asked Tzu Lu about_

_Confucius, and Tzu Lu gave him no_

_answer. Confucius said: 'Why didn't_

_you tell him that I am a person who_

_forgets to eat when he is enthusiastic_

_about something, forgets all his worries_

_in his enjoyment of it, and is not aware_

_that old age is coming on? '"_

CONFUCIUS, ANALECTS VII:118

_" Most of our fears_

_come from ourselves. "_

ILOKO PROVERB

_C_ onfucius, the Chinese philosopher, knew the art of growing old; many of us don't. He apparently did not lose his zest in his 82 years of life. In his joyous preoccupation with people and things, the feeling of having been abandoned or being lonely, or even becoming old was not his problem.

Yet, many of us are far from being like Confucius. We are beset by these fears, and they are human and natural. "Will my children still take care of me once they have their own family?" a worried mother asked. "I am a widow and my sons are now married. I wonder if they'd still have the time to remember me when I become really old," mused my friend. "Now, I am alone!" screamed a bitter wife, leaving the silence with an awful gash seemingly beyond mending. Her husband had just left her for another woman. And then we see horrible stories on television of elderly people being sent to institutions for the aged by their relatives, never to be visited again! Or, old men curling up by the sidewalk after having lost their way home years back and no one had reported them missing.

The fear of being left alone is real. In a good marriage, it is one of the deepest concerns, if not fears of couples. "I had to tell God I am not up to it," David, my husband, related to friends who rallied around us in prayer and support. "It" was my hovering between life and death in far away Phnom Penh, Cambodia after an acute semi-stroke that made me comatose for two nights and a day, my third incidence. "I cannot imagine myself without my wife," he continued, "and the Lord knows that. Praise Him, He gave her back to me!" Tearful and romantic, yes, and how blessedly true! Any husband or wife whose relationship with his or her partner has been forged solid and satisfying in the ups and downs of life would pray similarly. For "the loss of a spouse is the principal psychological trauma of old age."

To be threatened with widowhood seems unthinkable but it happens. "It took me exactly five years before I stopped visiting Manny's grave and seven years to put his things away," testified a friend who became a widow in her 30s. "After seven years, I gave myself permission to move on with my life. But I still felt lonely for him at times."

Aloneness. Loneliness. Abandonment. How do we face such threats in our sunset years? There are no easy answers, only honest reflections.

Aloneness, if by this we mean solitude, regardless of one's loss, is a very positive state of heart and mind. Human beings, young and old alike, need to provide space in their lives to be alone. To be in solitude affords us uninterrupted time for contemplation of our life and our place in God's scheme. At no other time are we given this opportunity than at our retirement. The rush and hurry of life is already behind us and the seriousness of raising and supporting a family that had preoccupied our middle years is past. The privacy and aloneness that we had earlier hankered for is now within our reach--yet, we are afraid to be alone! The feeling is most natural. God Himself pronounced that it wasn't good for Adam to be alone and so created Eve for their mutual enjoyment.

As psychologists have suggested, it is healthier to face your aloneness and look it in the eye than to deny its presence in your heart. What is it like to be alone? What does it make you? How do we make this particular state of being an ally, an effective partner for our own good and growth?

Finding ourselves alone, regardless of how we got ourselves into it is a good opportunity for self-education. Paul Tournier advises retirees to educate themselves. "The decisive things," according to him, "are the desire to learn and the desire to understand, the willingness to undertake something, to try, to persevere, to correct one's mistakes, to strive to improve, to gain experience and learn the tricks of the trade, to enlarge one's horizon, to broaden one's mind by seeking new paths--at bottom, to grow in love, because to be interested is to love, love persons and love things." In this endeavor to educate ourselves, our solitude can be filled with warmth and laughter rather than wrapped in the icy silence of self-pity and loneliness.

A good friend, Margie (not her real name) is a living testament of making aloneness a positive friend. Widowed in her 40s, she found herself barely surviving emotionally. Her husband died in a vehicular accident, but he had already had brain tumor operations thrice before his tragic death. Sheltered for all of her married life by a doting husband, Margie barely had any marketable skills for a decent job to keep her three kids in college. Her dependence on her husband was such that she didn't even know how to fill out an income tax form or go marketing on her own! "I was a total wreck, Evelyn, feeling _walang kwenta_ (worthless)," she told me. "All I could do was cry, cry, cry and talk to my dead husband. The loneliness was so sharp I could feel it ripping me apart. But then, I looked at my kids. What would happen to them if I remain like a whipped out rag?"

Margie went back to college and finished a course in education. She then relocated her family back to her home province, taught in a high school there and soon became its principal. "I couldn't believe myself, Evelyn," she narrated laughingly the last time we saw each other. She was perfectly groomed and oozing with confidence. "Here I am now, traveling all over the Philippines and speaking to fellow educators. I had no time to be pining for lost days with my husband, good days though they were. I am happily busy with kids, teachers and church work!"

Loneliness is not necessarily attendant upon one's being alone. Like Margie, one can be by oneself and be happy enough after having discovered what that self can do and become. For that matter, a crowd of people do not insulate us from this ache of being left out. It is the unmanaged solitary life, harking back to the past and inordinately dwelling on it, that makes one feel abandoned, and thus, lonely.

Liling, another widow could laugh now. "Then, how did you thrust yourself out from your tightly coiled shell?" I asked her. "First, I tried reaching out to some whom I considered friends and poured out the pain and bitterness in my soul. But they could only listen so much, then hung up on me. And I don't blame them. Second, a couple reached out to me, unsought. They drew me out with prayers and the Word. Most of all, they won me by their unconditional presence. They were there--wanted or unwanted by me. They walked me through the guilt and grieving, the pain and self-pity. They are God's special gift to me."

In the solitary years of our old age, He stands by us.

Ultimately, God Himself is our gift, _the Gift_ in our aloneness. In the solitary years of our old age, He stands by us. In the seeming loneliness of being misunderstood, misheard or mistaken for a doddering fool by others, including those who truly love us, He completely understands and calls us, "My child"--the apple of His eye. The Lord God fences us in with His many promises. We can mention here only a few:

"And be sure of this: I am with you always, even to the end of the age" (Matthew 28:20b, NLT), Jesus told His disciples who were already feeling forsaken, as He prepared to go to heaven after His resurrection.

Solitary and afraid while he pastured his flocks at night, David would confidently sing:

"Even when I walk

through the dark valley of death,

I will not be afraid,

for You are close beside me.

Your rod and Your staff

protect and comfort me."

PSALM 23:4, NLT

Traveling was the pilgrim's way to worship in the city of Jerusalem, but the roads were not safe from brigands and pirates. In bands or alone, the worshippers of Yahweh encouraged one another in a song that reverberated across the mountains:

"The LORD Himself watches over you!"

The LORD stands beside you as your protective shade.

The sun will not hurt you by day,

nor the moon by night.

The LORD keeps you from all evil

and preserves your life.

The LORD keeps watch over you as you

come and go, both now and forever."

PSALM 121:5-8, NLT

Feeling alone? Sing out the triumphant song of faith: "LORD, through all the generations you have been our home!" (Psalm 90:1, NLT). For when we are home, we do not feel alone.

"O God, our Help in ages past,

Our Hope for years to come,

Our Shelter from the stormy blast,

And our eternal Home!

Under the shadow of Thy throne

Still may we dwell secure;

Sufficient is Thine arm alone,

And our defense is sure.

Before the hills in order stood,

Or earth received her frame,

From everlasting Thou art God,

To endless years the same.

O God, our Help in ages past,

Our Hope for years to come,

Be Thou our Guide while life shall last,

And our eternal Home."

ISAAC WATTS,

"O GOD, OUR HELP IN AGES PAST"

# _6_

# Finding Power in Weakness

_" At first I didn't think of it [handicap] as a gift,_

_and begged God to remove it_.

_Three times I did that, and then he told me,_

_' My grace is enough; it's all you need_.

_My strength comes into its own in your weakness. '_

_Once I heard that, I was glad to let it happen_.

_I quit focusing on the handicap and began appreciating_

_the gift. It was a case of Christ 's strength moving in_

_on my weakness. Now I take limitations in stride,_

_and with good cheer, these limitations_

_that cut me down to size... I just let Christ take over!_

_And so the weaker I get, the stronger I become. "_

2 CORINTHIANS 12:8-10, THE MESSAGE

_" Life can be dark or shiny_

_depending on our outlook. "_

ILOKO PROVERB

_T_ his is the apostle Paul speaking about his "thorn in the flesh," a handicap that has not been exactly identified. But, he well could have been speaking of ageing, too. Definitely, ageing limits us in more ways than simply having a migraine or asthma. Though of course, any of these two could be a great obstacle in life especially if it has become chronic.

Hardly is there any person growing older who embraces ageing completely and with much alacrity. Honestly, many of us sort of tiptoe into it, surveying with care and worry the landscape we cannot evade. Others enter the territory with dismay and fear, or even horror. To grow old is not easy for three reasons:

_We know we will lose our independence_. "For when ear and eye and smell and taste and touch grow weak, a man knows that his life is failing, and after a while his senses sink into dotage. The kinsfolk with whom he lives first grumble at him, and then he grumbles at them... ." This observation from someone steeped in the Indian philosophy called Jainism brings a smile to our lips. But how fitting the description is as we see our olds or ourselves behaving exactly in the same way--grumbling.

The grumbling, inwardly or outwardly, comes because our freedom gets curtailed. Not only do our movement and agility get affected which dissatisfies us no end, but much more are we limited in our decision-making. "You know what?" 79-year-old Doray had a conspiring tone as she sidled up to me. We were heading for the banquet table. "Now, I will get to eat _crispy pata_ (fried pig's thigh). My favorite!" She beamed. "At home, I get nothing but fish." She looked triumphant for having been able to put one over her children who watch her diet to prevent her from having another heart attack.

_We lose our power over others, too_. It is frustrating to be no longer the axis around which everyone revolves; the dominant figure whose wisdom is sought. Or the mover and shaker of a company or even just the family. With age, we may be doted on, but not necessarily listened to or obeyed, _pronto_. It is similar to what Jesus told the impulsive and assertive Peter to warn him of his future. "I tell you for certain that when you were a young man, you dressed yourself and went wherever you wanted to go. But when you are old, you will hold out your hands. Then others will wrap your belt around you and lead you where you don't want to go" (John 21:18, CEV).

The loss of self-volition and authority reminds us of King David who in his senescence was given Abishag, a beautiful young woman to provide him bodily warmth because "He always felt cold, even under a lot of blankets" (1 Kings 1:1, CEV). The account made it clear that no sexual act transpired between them (he most probably couldn't, even if he wanted to), but it is apparent as well that the old king no longer had a say over the matter of what or who he wanted to have.

And when independence and authority begin to slip through our fingers, _the sense of uselessness usually sets in_. No wonder, Laura (our friend in Chapter One) lamented, " _Wala na ba akong silbi?_ " (Have I become useless?) The feeling of being inutile or useless creates a serious psychological and emotional havoc even to the young. It could be worse to the ageing person.

But what do Scriptures say about power, independence and utility? What does Christ say about being weak and meek? Does our worth depend only on what we are able to do?

**THE GIFT OF AGEING**

It is well that Eugene Peterson rendered in his translation Paul's "thorn in the flesh" as a "gift." But how could a handicap be a gift?

Lena Maria Klingvall was dreadfully deformed: Born without arms and with only one full leg. Yet her young Swedish parents refused to pander to their child's whims to make up for her disability but encouraged her to enjoy life to the full. With her one good foot, Lena Maria conquered the world. From early swimming lessons with her father, Lena developed such a gift that she joined the national disabled swimming team. She achieved a string of successes crowned by four gold medals at the European Championships, a world record. She also participated in the Paralympics in Seoul in 1988. "I prefer to rejoice in what I can do--not mourn what I can't," said this remarkable, engaging and courageous lady. A committed Christian, she pays tribute to the Creator who never makes mistakes.

Could we be as embracing of life as Lena Maria?

We can learn to accept ageing as God's gift if we know He loves us enough to give us the gift for a purpose.

A gift is to be received gladly. And we can _learn_ to accept ageing as God's gift if we know He loves us enough to give us the gift for a purpose. Paul decided to focus on the gift and appreciate it, and not on the handicap that limited him. _Learn_ is the key word for us who are growing old--for ageing is a process. Perhaps, in the same way that Paul learned, we need to rejoice that God has led us, thus far, in age. After all, He did not allow us to die young. Then, He has given us so much to be able to live this long--family, career, friends, protection, love, and other blessings (of course, problems and setbacks, too, alongside them. But we survived, didn't we?) Truly, the many years we have enjoyed and are still enjoying are God's gifts to us!

Yes, ageing has its own limitations but what are they in comparison to the gift of life lived this long? The obstacles we may have today are opportunities for God to show that He is real. He cares for us. His power we will experience in our weakness. His loving care in our helplessness. His ability to make us become like Christ in spirit.

**WE ARE BORN FOR INTERDEPENDENCE**

_Mang_ (form of address for an older man) Tony had too much pride in being fiercely independent. " _Ayokong maging pabigat sa pamilya ko_ " (I don't want to become a burden to my family), he said. As he grew older he found himself more and more estranged from his family, his church and neighbors. He always wanted his own way to the point of being unpleasant. He was 72 when he died alone while trying to board a train in the city. "I can go by myself," he had said glaring at his grandson who had offered to accompany him.

The feeling of being a _pabigat_ (burden) to the family may come from different fronts. It may have its source as a force of habit. We have been the front person, the breadwinner, the homemaker for most of our life. Suddenly we find ourselves sidelined. To many, this is not an easy place to be. But we can learn to relinquish old tasks we cannot do now by preoccupying ourselves with what we can do, and may yet discover to do. Let us enjoy the old and new tasks and let others take center stage. Sometimes we become more of a _pabigat_ by insisting on our own way and only giving more trouble to the family, as what happened to _Mang_ Tony.

Would feeling guilty be another reason? We might have failed to be as forward-looking as we ought when we were yet at the prime of life. We failed to lay aside, in savings, insurance, bonds, or some property for our old age. Now, penniless, we have thrown ourselves on the mercy of our children or other relatives. This burden on our conscience is quite hard to lay down unless we have learned to look past our failure and receive whatever grace comes our way. We still have our remaining years to make up, with God helping us.

Or, the feeling of being a burden may be plain irrational pride on our part. "I can do it, leave me alone," Grandma Isa shoved away her nephew, John. "But _Abuelita_ (Little grandma), you may fall," protested John. "Get out of my way! I've climbed stairs all my life." The 76-year-old _lola_ (grandmother) waved her cane at him. She wanted to take the three steps up to her daughter's house. Well, she tried, but almost lost her balance. John shored her up just in time before her fall. "This cane needs changing," she muttered under her breath. "Don't you think so, son?" He only gave her a wide grin.

To be independent is fine in many instances, but that independence is not meant to isolate us from others. We belong to one another and depend on one another. Just like a body that is made of many parts, yet act as one. This is the biblical image of our relationships as a church that acknowledges Jesus as the head. We ought not to lose this picture of interdependence as we grow older. What is important is to do our generational role of imparting spiritual insight, sharing wisdom, encouraging the young and trying to become a model for others.

Thus, there is nothing to fear about losing our independence. There is only the joy of entering more deeply into the life of others. In giving and in receiving from one another, we make our lives whole. From those who minister to us, let us gratefully receive their services as God's gift.

It is possible that in our prime of life, we never felt we needed God or other people. We wielded power then and did as we pleased. But now that age has made us vulnerable, God has a chance to show us how strong and great He is in our life. Like Paul, let us not focus on what we've lost but on what we've gained by trusting Jesus. Not on our limited circumstances but on the possibilities within those circumstances. Not on feelings of uselessness but on the opportunity to develop our spiritual antenna through silence, prayer and the practice of faith. And the privilege of passing them on to others. The silences of the elderly, for instance, do not have to mean idle thoughts or a prelude to dozing off. They can be turned into powerful praise.

"Silence is praise to you,

Zion-dwelling God,

And also, obedience.

You hear the prayer in it all."

PSALM 65:1, _T HE MESSAGE_

Besides, Christ's concept of power and authority is never about physical strength or a forceful, dominant personality lording it over others. To become the greatest is to be as innocent, helpless and trusting as a child (Matthew 18:4). When we become old we need to relearn how to be childlike again, not childish, for that is to be _ulianin_ (senile). And, as to our waning strength, an assurance of renewal is promised us:

"He gives strength to the weary

and increases the power of the weak,

Even youths grow tired and weary,

and young men stumble and fall;

But those who hope in the LORD

will renew their strength.

They will soar on wings like eagles;

they will run and not grow weary,

they will walk and not be faint."

ISAIAH 40:29-31, NIV

The prophet here speaks of spiritual strength or power. To Angelo Patri, this power is locked in the silence of the soul. "We cannot force it to come at command of will. But when in extremity our strength is as water, our will as the sighing of the wind, when we yield all physical being and lean hard on the spiritual strength within us, the soul's strength rises to assure us as the sun rises over the rim of night. This is our inheritance, the eternal power given us at the Creation." Patri continues, "It is God's breath within us. On that strength we can go forward; we can take whatever comes and know it is well with us always."

# _7_

# Sex and Intimacy in Our Sunset Years

_" In sex we learn one of the great truths_

_of the universe --the physical_

_and the spiritual are intimately_

_connected with each other. "_

MIKE RIDDELL

_" The body weakens_

_but love never changes. "_

IBANAG PROVERB

_S_ ex with one's spouse is beautiful, at whatever age. It is a gift from our loving God. But many older folks think such beauty, such priceless gift is already beyond them simply because they are already ageing. " _Wala na. Di na kaya. Matanda na!_ " (It's gone. Can't do it anymore. We're old!) This is a common response when the elderly are pressed for answers as to their sexual life.

The truth of the matter is, reproductive capacities diminish but not sexual interest and activity in latter years. The misguided attempts of some older men (often derisively called _matatandang manyakis_ or old sexual perverts) at showing sexual interest in young girls or women may just be a natural desire for human contact. The old, like the young, do need physical contact and human connections especially with that person who matters most to them--their spouse.

Pleasurable sexual encounters between couples are possible well into their latter years.

**" TRI-WEEKLY," "TRY WEEKLY" AND "TRY WEAKLY"**

Sexual retrogression among the senior folk is joked about as being " _tri-weekly_ ," then " _try weekly_ " and finally, " _try weakly_." It is a humor with an attitude that dismisses sex as something wrong or lecherous for the ageing and the old. The key word here is "try." Our thinking has this misconception that the elderly have become eunuch-like due to ageing. Many think that once our father becomes a grandfather, he suddenly loses his sexual appetite and turns impotent. Or that, _Lola_ (grandma) no longer has sexual fantasies and has lost her sex drive.

When I was a child, a joke went around among the adult folk in relation to older people still having sexual desire. It was told that a mother and her pre-teen daughter boarded a fully-packed passenger bus and so had to stand hanging on to the rail. Looking around, the mother saw a neighbor, an old man whom everybody called "Grandpa." "Sit on your Grandpa's lap," said the mother to her child. For a while the child was innocently secure on the man's lap, when "Grandpa" suddenly told her to stand up and to remain standing all the way. The mother felt offended. "Why did you make my daughter stand?" she asked her neighbor angrily once they had gotten off. "Biatriz," the old man confessed in Hiligaynon, " _bisan tigulang na 'ko, may balatyagon man gihapon_." (Biatriz, I may be old but I still have sexual desire!) That's honesty for all of us!

"Grandpa's" desire is affirmed by Dr. James Dobson, an American psychologist and marriage and family counselor. He says that there is no organic basis for healthy women or men to experience less desire as they age. "The sexual appetite depends more on a state of mind and emotional attitudes than on one's chronological age. If a husband and wife see themselves as old and unattractive, they might lose interest in sex for reasons only secondary to their age. But from a physical point of view, it is a myth that men and women must be sexually apathetic, unless there are disease processes or physical malfunctions to be considered."

Much is being written nowadays about ED or erectile dysfunction in men. But this is not necessarily a dysfunction among older men only--it occurs even among younger men as well. The inability to command an erection of the penis for sexual intercourse has its remedy in newly discovered medicines such as Viagra and others of its kind. Asian men have their own remedies purportedly handed down from centuries of lore and tradition.

But how about great sex? Much as older couples want great sex, their spirit maybe willing but their knees are getting weak. And years and years of living together may have made them realize that there is more to bed acrobatics. What we really want in life is intimacy that goes beyond the sexual act, this being just one of its expressions.

Intimacy is the touching of each other's soul.

Intimacy is the touching of each other's soul. It is sharing delight using the five senses--touch, sight, hearing, smell, and taste. Others call it "sensuality." Says San Francisco sex therapist Louanne Cole, "If you want to return the excitement of your marriage, both in and out of bed, develop a more sensual relationship. You'll enjoy life together, including your love life, more than ever."

True, the sexual act can be the culmination in a progression of intimate encounters, or it can be a prelude to a greater intimacy. It should be done as a sharing of efforts towards mutual release and enjoyment rather than mere fulfillment of the marital obligation which a spouse may now find burdensome. Always, a satisfying sexual life should spill over to everyday thoughtfulness. And everyday kindness enhances the quality of sexual encounters.

However, in many instances, intimacy between husband and wife must be relearned so as to avoid the "natural law of entropy or disintegration." This law says that anything that is not protected or upgraded is in a downward spiral. Applied to marriage, couples who do not work hard to enhance their married life together will most likely end up uncoupled. And we see these kinds of marriages more common nowadays. It does take much prayer, creative energy and simply sticking it out together no matter what happens that differentiates good, stable marriages from bad, floundering ones.

Thus, older couples may not always be perfect in bed. Nevertheless day-to-day intimacies could still make their married life exciting.

What does a woman want most from her husband in the fifth, sixth, and seventh decades of her life? This is a question posed to Dr. Dobson. He answers that her want and need is the same assurance of love and respect that she had desired when she was younger. A committed love of lifelong devotion that makes couple face the good and bad times together as friends and allies. Dobson further says that, in contrast, the youthful advocates of "sexual freedom" and non-involvement will enter the latter years of life with nothing to remember but a series of exploitations and broken relationships. "That short-range philosophy, which gets so much publicity today, has a predictable dead end down the road. Committed love is expensive, I admit, but it yields the highest returns on the investment at maturity."

How about the husband? If we go by Dr. Willard Harley, Jr.'s findings in his book _His Needs, Her Needs_ , a male spouse desires from his wife sexual fulfillment in contrast to her need of affection; finds in her a recreational companion in contrast to her need of conversation. He wants to see her as an attractive partner where she expects him to be honest and open. He needs her to support him 100% and admire him for what he is where the wife expects him to be committed to the family and sufficiently provide for it.

Retirement may just be the perfect time to rediscover again the thrill of meeting each other's needs and developing once again the intimacy we have lost in the blur and flurry of our younger days. For intimacy to bloom, it must have a time and a place. Now that couples have the time to linger together, they can hold hands once again, look deep into each other's eyes and melt into laughter or tears in remembering the past. Now is also the time to make amends for past failures and thoughtlessness. A time to ask forgiveness and be able to forgive. To enter once again into each other's lives, in joy and fullness unburdened by guilt or hate.

Now is also the time to make amends for past failures and thoughtlessness.

In moments of intimacy, not many words need be spoken. After all, it is our mutual presence, willingly given, lovingly offered that makes an activity meaningful. Words may or may not come but our focus is on _us, together_ and not necessarily on what we do for the moment. It is giving and receiving in love that matters most, letting the exchange of life, and fun take its course freely.

Loving, after all, takes several expressions. For Shakespeare,

"Kind is my love today, to-morrow kind,

Still constant in a wondrous excellence;...

Fair, kind and true, is all my argument,

Fair, kind and true, varying to other words;

And in this change is my invention spent,

Three themes in one, which wondrous scope affords.

Fair, kind and true, have often liv'd alone,

Which three, till now, never kept seat in one."

SONNET 105

Intimacy, after all, is a moment of grace. Fair, kind and true. It shines for lovers who wish and pray to continue loving each other for eternity.

# _8_

# Wellness... in spite of Pain

_" Although today,_

_He prunes my twigs with pain,_

_Yet doth His blood nourish_

_and warm my root:_

_Tomorrow I shall put forth buds again_

_And clothe myself with fruit. "_

CHRISTINA GEORGINA ROSETTI,

"FROM HOUSE TO HOUSE"

_" Suffering is just a reminder;_

_Sadness is just a raincloud. "_

CEBUANO PROVERB

_W_ e do not seek pain for its own sake. Unless, of course, we are masochistic. The existence of pain is the most problematic aspect of creation, and books have been written on it from various points of view. A medical scientist and a Christian, Dr. Paul Brand spent his whole lifetime understanding pain, and later on, appreciating its benefits in his work among lepers. However, to many of us who are older and suffering from one kind of physical pain or another, chronic or occasional, we just want it to go away. To most people, pain is hell.

"When my rheumatism acts up on rainy days, I just want to bang my head on the wall," confesses a friend in one of our unintended "what's-your-illness" get-togethers. "It's killing me!" Another has a recurring migraine that renders her useless during bouts. "For days on end, I'd be in bed feeling half-dead. It's just painful! _Sobra!_ (Too much!)" she says. And another hobbles along with a stubbed sole bandaged up to her ankle that has become almost gangrenous, the owner being diabetic. As for myself, having just come through a laser operation to remove stones in my bladder, I confess to my nightly groaning in the aftermath. I stay tossing and sleepless in bed. It's like a knife is cutting my insides. _Mahapdi_ , _masakit na ewan!_ (It hurts like anything!)

And to think that in our ailments, the level and quality of pain would be considered of common garden variety! There are many others with worse diseases the accompanying pain of which only they can describe (if they can), and we can only imagine.

Job in the Bible could well be the mirror of our physical distresses when he was afflicted with painful sores from the top of his head to the soles of his feet. With no hospital to run to for relief like we have now, he could do no more than scrape himself with a piece of broken pottery as he sat among the ashes (Job 2:7-8).

Why ashes? More than the religious significance of mourning and humility, it could be that the ashes must have given him some relief from the distressing pain and itch, besides discouraging the flies from feasting on his sores. Job was in such a sorry state that his friends who came to sympathize didn't recognize him at first. When they did, they wailed in pity, tore their robes, sprinkled dust on their heads in anguish and were stumped to silence for seven nights and seven days (Job 2:11-13). Too often the misery of pain requires nothing better than silence from others.

**GETTING ACQUAINTED WITH PAIN**

Old age and pain need not necessarily go together. But when they do, they linger together. They may as well get better acquainted with one another.

They could know each other as enemies. For as the English clergyman and writer Charles Kingsley said, "Pain is no evil. Unless it conquers us." Kingsley regards pain as a possible enemy that has to be thrown down and vanquished.

But how does one contend with pain when it comes unbidden, unexpected and unwanted? And the medicines (if there are any) seem to have no effect at all? Resisting it, battling against it, cursing it and God and high heavens will certainly not make it go slinking away, defeated. In my experience of pain, as in birth pains or in the aftermath of an operation or in the mere cut of a knife in my finger, the more I pushed the pain out of my mind, writhed and gnashed my teeth in defiance, the more it would intensify and sharpen and cut. With such a ferocious struggle, the healing, it seems, takes longer, too. There must be some other ways to deal with pain.

"What do you do when it comes?" I asked Myra, an acquaintance, who was terminally ill with what could be, from her own description, a brain tumor. The doctor told her family to bring her home. An operation was no longer possible, but even if it was, the family was too poor for it to happen. She shook her head weakly and lifted her cracked lips to my ear to whisper, "I just bear it." She sank back exhausted by the simple gesture. She was skin and bones, a specter of herself from her healthier days.

Just-grit-your-teeth-and-bear-it is another response to physical distress. For indeed, what else can one do, but wail, grip the bed rail tight, put a stiff upper lip and let the pain rampage, do its havoc and wait for its mercy to pass, if it will. Such an attitude is virtual surrender of our capacity to will, to direct, to be in control of our own body. The person in pain thinks of himself no longer as the subject but the object of pain. It is "passive resignation" in the words of psychologists and ethicists. "You've got to!" is not acceptance but fatalism, passivity, and resignation. And when one becomes indifferent to what happens to his or her body, more often than not, the body deteriorates faster, and death is not far behind.

Acceptance of pain is something that boggles the mind. It is not our natural reaction whether we are young or old. " _Mahina ako sa sakit, "_ (I can't handle sickness), many people would say. They mean their tolerance of pain is low. Like Teddy who suddenly becomes a yowling patient with his moans, groans and curses that reverberate around the hospital hall for a mere prick of an injection needle. Much more so now, having been operated on for prostate cancer.

Chronic sufferers can often learn to control and sometimes eliminate their pain by changing their attitudes, perceptions and behavior.

Teddy is just one of millions around the world who suffer from chronic pain due to various kinds of illnesses--and these people are not necessarily old. They must _learn to accept and live_ with pain for the rest of their lives. But there's accumulated research that pain has a strong psychological component. Anxiety, for instance, is known to stimulate pain. A number of pain reduction clinics have demonstrated that chronic sufferers can often learn to control and sometimes eliminate their pain by changing their attitudes, perceptions and behavior, according to Dr. Gary Collins.

**HILTRAUT AND HER ACCEPTANCE OF PAIN**

The situation of a dear German friend, Hiltraut could best illustrate what acceptance of pain and suffering may mean.

"I feel I am taken outside of the usual living--your world is quite far away from me," Hiltraut wrote me a year ago. "For many years, I felt I was a missionary with words. This is gone. I feel my task now is to _live_ (emphasis hers)--loving, accepting, hoping, praying (this with fewer words)--just knowing deep in my heart that God is here, loving and caring for me." I read her letter with a lump in my throat through tear-filled eyes.

About six years back, Hiltraut, a physician in her late 50s, was found to be suffering from MCS (multiple-chemical sensitivity), a newly discovered disease that debilitates slowly but surely; its cure has yet to be found. Any exposure to chemicals (even just a whiff of perfume) closes her arteries, slowly rendering her weak and sweaty. Her eyes become red, blurring her vision. Her brain turns lethargic and she forgets. Being moody and irritable, her family gives her a wide berth. Then, she stays "behind an invisible wall" for days or weeks on end. In the summer of 2001, her family thought she would die but she rallied on.

Because of her illness, Hiltraut and her husband, Martin, also a doctor, gave up their medical practice in the city of Tubingen, Germany and moved to a small community of 350 people on the edge of the Schwartzwald (Black Forest). They bought a house that had no chemical in it, inside out--every part natural in essence.

"You remember Rasa," Hiltraut continued in her letter. Rasa was the place where we had a spiritual retreat with Dr. Hans Burki as our spiritual director. "When Hans told us to listen to our name, mine said 'Rest in Me.' This is what I have done most times and still do. There is a deep knowledge in me of God's presence and loving care for the world. What other people see of this, I don't know. I just think, God needs hidden people too, like me... I hope.

"I simply live from day to day, often struggling along, in tears--and often, very happy, too. This is the difference between healthy (Western) people and me. I have to focus on living from day to day, present in the Presence, an ability Western civilization has generally lost--and which I have had to learn to recover again--thus making my life deep and rich."

This is Hiltraut, my friend. She has shown me I can sink roots in grace and faith even in the midst of dire circumstances. Yes, even in pain, I can grow to bloom, spreading fragrance for others by simply being in the Presence of the Lord in the day-to-day struggle of getting well. For in the heart, there is God, smiling, ready to embrace.

**ACCEPTANCE OF PAIN**

"Thank God for pain," so ended Dr. Brand one of his lectures. According to him, once pain is lost, different parts of the body may revert to competition with each other, which becomes dangerous for the whole body's well-being. If one cell or group of cells grow and flourish at the expense of the rest, we call it cancer, and we know that if it is allowed to spread, the body is doomed. The only alternative to this is the absolute loyalty of every cell to the Body, the Head. He concludes, "With the acceptance of the discipline of pain, suffering for one another, we will come also to the ecstasy of shared happiness of a new understanding as we glimpse the vision of God for His world."

In accepting our pain, we are given the honor of sharing with Him a bit of what it means to suffer.

"We do not choose our afflictions," Paul Tournier says, "but we can overcome them only by accepting them." For though we are given the privilege of life, that privilege never wipes out suffering. Even Christ suffered physically and much, much more for our salvation. It seems to me, that in accepting our pain, we are given the honor of sharing with Him a bit of what it means to suffer, becoming a "partner in His suffering" (Philippians 3:10, _The Message_ ) as Paul wrote.

And we are going beyond physical pain here. Mother Teresa was quoted to say that the worst disease in the world is not leprosy or tuberculosis but the feeling of being unwanted, unloved and abandoned by everyone. Dr. John Wyatt speaks of "total pain," a concept which includes not only physical pain but also emotional, relational and spiritual pain, a distress with many components, as a person is one but of many parts.

An anonymous quote goes this way: "Suffering is not a question that demands an answer; it is not a problem that demands a solution; it is a mystery which demands a presence."

If this is so, then, we are one hundred percent sure we have God's Presence. We might as well be emboldened by Moses when he encouraged his people against the enemies at hand: "Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the LORD your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you" (Deuteronomy 31:6, NIV). "And surely," Jesus said to His disciples, "I am with you always, to the very end of the age" (Matthew 28:20b, NIV). "Do not be afraid, I am the First and the Last. I am the Living One; I was dead, and behold I am alive for ever and ever!" (Revelation 1:17-18, NIV).

Furthermore, we are not only invited to learn acceptance of our suffering or pain, we are also exhorted to be glad about it. "Be joyful always; pray continually; give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus" (1 Thessalonians 5:16-18, NIV).

To exude joy in our pain is to be divinely graced, indeed. It may not be something that we readily embrace, but it is a discipline that we can learn by God's amazing grace. John Newton elevated this experience when he turned it into a hymn of praise, "Amazing Grace."

"Through many dangers, toils and snares

I have already come.

'Tis grace hath brought me safe thus far,

And grace will lead me home."

# _9_

# Creative Ageing

_" One should never count the years_--

_one should instead count one 's interests_.

_I have kept young trying never to lose_

_my childhood sense of wonderment_.

_I am glad I still have a vivid curiosity_

_about the world I live in. "_

HELEN KELLER, AMERICAN EDUCATOR

_" If you want to enjoy life,_

_look, hear, and listen. "_

CHAVACANO PROVERB

_M_ ost times people think of being old as the closing and winding down of all that has been good and/or bad in life. It is the hastening of twilight, the idle waiting for sunset with darkness settling in the horizon. With this outlook, we can do no more but sit on the sideline, whimper to no one in particular, and wait for the inevitable. "I am old! What else can I do?" could be our lament, hands wringing, eyes glazed, uncertain of the future.

With this mindset taken to heart, there is of course, nothing else that can be done. If all that we see is black and gray, gloom and doom, then there will be nothing to look forward to but relentless, monotonous days. Life will stand still and nothing will interest us, save the chore of eating, eliminating and sleeping--impositions and routine we grudgingly bear.

"Routine causes ageing," Tournier observes, "and this premature ageing buries the individual all the deeper in routine. On the other hand, to stay open throughout our lives to a multiplicity of interests is to prepare for ourselves a lasting youth and a retirement free from boredom."

Tournier presents to us another way of looking at the rolling of years and passing of seasons in our life. It is an outlook much brighter, adventure-filled and richer in patina. In order to do so, we need to develop an eye for newness and beauty, an eye for possibilities! This eye for seeing beyond what we see and exploring it is a wonderful gift. This generally could not happen when we were younger because our focus was on raising a family or making a living. Opportunities to stop and linger, to think and ponder seldom came. And when they did, they were snatched away by the urgent and necessary.

Of late my pauses and ponderings have added color to my life. There was this old, bent and gnarled trunk of a _kakawate_ (madre cacao) tree lying ignored between our "dirty" kitchen and the laundry area. I had regarded it as nothing but dead wood until one day while I was washing the dishtowels, it struck me as something else. Why, it looked like a miniature dinosaur, a sauropod, with a hollowed back and a proud elongated neck! It was just a perfect decor for my bonsai plant. I picked it up, turned it around and viewed it from different angles, a smile spreading on my face. It was just then that David, my husband, came and suggested it for firewood. "Not on your life!" I cradled my wood sauropod away from him.

We need to develop an eye for newness and beauty, an eye for possibilities!

Would I have seen such a wonder from an uprooted tree trunk when I was at the height of my travead ls, speaking and conducting seminars? Not on my life! I hardly htime to see wonder from thrown-away stuff. I was too preoccupied with rushing to airports and keeping to schedules. But now are moments for musing and meditation, for creative imagination.

**YOU GOT TO BE KIDDING!**

Most elderly shut out novelty. "Oh, I'm too old for that, don't bother. I should act my age." But not Miss Lucy.

Miss Lucy was a personality in Arthur Gordon's childhood days. "Miss Lucy was a widow who lived with her prim and proper sister, Clara," this American writer narrates. But Miss Lucy was full of charm and sparkle and enthusiasm.

"One day, Miss Lucy--in her 60s--asserted that she could still stand on her head. When we looked doubtful, she clamped her skirt between her knees and did so beaming at us upside down. 'Oh, Lucy,' said Clara. 'Do be your age.'

"Miss Lucy righted herself. 'What sort of nonsense is that?' she asked. 'How can anyone be anything but their age? The trick is to love your age. Love it when you're young and strong and foolish. Love it when you're old and wise. Love it in the middle when challenges come and you can solve some of them. If you love your age, you'll never go around wishing you were some other age. Think about that, Clara.' " Miss Lucy's standing on her head is borne out by British author G.K. Chesterton's observation on the art of inversion. He says: "... it is really a fact that any scene can sometimes be seen more clearly and freshly... if it is seen upside down... That inverted vision is much more bright, quaint and arresting..."

I can't stand on my head, but I had my own wish realized by acting my age. I was close to 60 when I climbed Pizzo Leone in the southern part of Switzerland. It towers over 5,000 feet above sea level, a mountain of little consequence, I suppose, to the Swiss who are used to climbing the Alps, but of great importance to me. Since childhood, mountains have fascinated me. What is up there? How does it feel to really climb a mountain? How will the world look once I get to the very top? These were, and still are, my questions every time I see a mountain.

An opportunity opened up for me when fellow retreatants--mountaineers, doctors, engineers, a pastor--invited me for a day's adventure. At first, I hesitated. The mountains I've gone to were accessible by vehicle. If I did some hiking in the past, it wasn't as demanding. Besides, I was already then suffering from hypertension.

As the day for mountain climbing came nearer, Pizzo Leone seemed to be calling to me, "Try me, Evelyn. You can do it!" every time I gazed at it as it looked down on me and Rasa, the village where we were. I told myself, _If I won 't do it now, I'd always be wondering if I could have climbed this mountain, and my question would remain unanswered, until I die._ I wanted to test my climbing skills and didn't want to die with questions hanging over me as I gasped out my last breath. I decided to join the group.

The four-hour trek up sapped me to the limit. "Evelyn, don't sit down," the expert climber among us advised me as I leaned on a rock catching my breath and wanted nothing else but to sit there forever. The peak was only just another lower peak away. "Just put one foot in front of you at a time and keep climbing. The secret is not to stop." Even the two-hour descent, with every step taken with care was torture to the knees. But the thrill and awe of being up there, sheltered by the few timeless jutting rocks, with the wind wheezing through for eternity! The immense ageless beauty spread out before me still brings me smiles to this day.

Now I'm on a project of carving pathways in the farm for my morning walks. Here, I envision a garden under a century-old mango tree at the back of the house. It will take me a lot of work yet, but I don't really mind. The important thing is, I have begun a new adventure.

"Do you remember this?" Karlo, my son, asked me one day, holding up an old drawing book with my watercolor and pencil drawings in it. "Why, these are mine!" I exclaimed, admittedly admiring my own work. I couldn't believe I did them 25 years ago. "You can take up drawing again," my son suggested. "It's good for defusing stress."

I looked at my son with a glint in my eye. "Do you really think I can still draw?"

The next time he came home, he had with him a set of watercolor in tubes, brushes and an ice cube holder to mix my paints in. Jophen, a writer friend, visited me one Saturday. We went to the garden and had a day of painting al fresco just for fun. We agreed we would do this regularly for the sheer joy of mixing colors.

**TAKE ADVANTAGE OF YOUR AGE**

Certainly, not all have affinity with mountains or gardens or watercolor painting. Keeping the spirit alive and lively could mean learning something else more functional. _Lola_ Ingga at 84 has started her home-produced virgin coconut oil (VCO) business and she doesn't run out of buyers. David, my husband, had taken to farming towards the latter part of his life and enjoys every moment of it to this day.

Former Senate President Jovito R. Salonga, a retiree from government service in 1992, encouraged fellow older persons to take advantage of age. He is now 85 years old. "Look at the lives of many vigorous centenarians and seniors in public life," he is quoted to say. "George Burns and Bob Hope in their 90s entertained millions of people. Grandma Moses was still painting at 100. Bertrand Russell was active at 94. George Bernard Shaw was still writing at 91. When he was 96 and still playing his cello, Pablo Casals commented that age is a relative matter and that if you continue to work and absorb the beauty of the world around you, you find that age does not necessarily mean old." It reminds me of a quote in a homemade poster a young friend, Myrtle Villar had given me when I turned 50: "Age is a matter of the mind; if you don't mind, it doesn't matter."

**EXERCISE THE MIND**

We realize that some elderly are limited by illness and are no longer able to do a lot of physical activities. But restriction of movement does not mean imprisonment of the mind and spirit. Reading, for instance, opens a window to the world. It affords us extreme diversity and inexhaustible riches. But to mine these riches we need to open up ourselves to words and the imagination. This could be an exciting challenge to those who were not fond of reading in their younger years. But it is a challenge worth overcoming, for through reading good books our small corner of the world expands tremendously. It will broaden our horizon, enrich our sensibilities, change our thinking on some issues, and most likely, make us better persons.

For those of us who have been fond of reading but never seemed to have the time for it in our hectic working years, the leisure of retirement enables us to get acquainted once again with the literature we love. Of late, I have had the pleasure of reading biographies and autobiographies of eminent personalities like Nelson Mandela's _A Long Walk to Freedom_ , Jovito Salonga's _A Journey of Struggle and Hope_ , John R. Stott's _The Making of a Leader_ and _Global Ministry_ and _The Autobiography of Bertrand Russel._

With these books, I would sneak in inspirational literature, James Herriot's animal stories, fiction, and poems. I chuckle over comics and make myself word-sharp by doing crossword puzzles. I read newspapers, magazines, cookbooks, books on plants, fish, cats and dogs, art and painting, theology, politics, diets and exercise. One of the things I wanted when I was younger was to be a librarian so I can read to my heart's content all the books under my custody.

Whatever we do, however, the point is never to neglect our mind. According to Bishop Fulton J. Sheen, "The mind is like a clock that is constantly running down and must be wound up daily with good thoughts." Nurturing our mind with good, yes, more so with great thoughts, not only befits our age but it greatly deepens and enriches our life as well.

**NOURISH THE SPIRIT**

"I admit," Bertrand Russel, a scientist-philosopher, confessed, "that the love of God, if there were a God, would make it possible for human beings to be better than is possible in a Godless world."

Unlike this eminent man who was an agnostic, we affirm that there is a God and we can be a friend and servant to Him through Jesus Christ, our Savior and Lord, at any point of our life. Reading and meditating on His Holy Scriptures, the Bible, will nourish every searching soul and certainly will make him or her a person who grows towards wholeness.

Give careful attention to the integration of our body, soul and spirit.

And this is what we all need to grow old well and gracefully--to give careful attention to the integration of our body, soul and spirit--to make a unity of ourselves. In truth, many of us in our younger years barely knew our persons, really. Most times, we felt like being torn apart in many directions. The world had pressed on us to wear different masks and take on multiple, sometimes, contradicting roles. Such that when we were able to snatch some quiet moments to ourselves, we would ask, " _Sino nga ba ako_?" (Who am I really?) " _Para akong sabog_ ," a middle-aged friend confessed. " _Kalat ang buhay_ _ko_." (I feel fragmented within me. My life is being pulled into all sorts of directions).

But now we have the time, the leisure and insight to gather together what was once scattered _within_ us--to make a unity of our being. The first step is to offer that scatteredness to God. He has loved us to wholeness in Christ Jesus.

God's desire is for us to be holy and whole at all stages of life. Paul's benediction to the Christians in Thessalonica rings true today: "May God Himself, the God who makes everything holy and whole, make you holy and whole, put you together--spirit, soul and body--and keep you fit for the coming of our Master, Jesus Christ. The One who called you is completely dependable. If he said it, he'll do it!" (1 Thessalonians 5: 23-24, _The Message_ ).

My husband, David, 69, puts "a life walk with God" a primary factor in his life. He said, "Journeying with God has not only reformed me. He has transformed me through His Word. My attitude has changed for the better, my ways have mellowed, my speech refined." We were out in the farm pulling weeds that were competing with our ginger plants.

"You know," he turned to me with a smile creasing his eyes, "I'm not the husband you married, _di ba_ (right)?"

It is in the nature of growing old that we take our journey more inwardly than ever before. Our thrust is to explore the life of the mind, search through the files of our memory to get a better perspective, and to be grateful, as well as to ponder on the meaning of our life.

"Our LORD," the psalmist David prayed, "I will remember the things You have done, Your miracles of long ago. I will think about each one of Your mighty deeds. Everything You do is right, and no other god compares with You" (Psalm 77:11-12, CEV).

It is true that as we grow older, our thoughts now turn to spiritual matters and to God more often. In this inward exploration, there are no more perfect ways than prayer, meditation and contemplation. In prayer we develop a constant dialogue with the Living God in Christ Jesus; in the meditation of His Word, we find friendship with the Savior and healing of our person; and in contemplation we bask in the sunshine of God's goodness in wordless adoration. Again, David, the psalmist exemplifies this when he prays to the Lord:

"I lie awake thinking of You,   
meditating on You through the night.

I think how much You have helped me;

I sing for joy in the shadow of Your protecting wings.

I follow close behind You;

Your strong right hand holds me securely."

PSALM 63:6-7, NLT

A God-nourished person has a happy, thankful heart. In _The Message_ , his contemporary translation of the New Testament, Eugene Peterson freshly expresses James 1:21 which underlines the importance of centering our life on the Bible. He writes, "So throw away all spoiled virtue and cancerous evil in the garbage. In simple humility, let our gardener, God, landscape you with the Word, making a salvation-garden of your life." Out of this, we can only pray:

Lord, make me humble;

landscape me with your Word;

make a salvation-garden out of my life.

Amen.

The response to such prayer is sure.

"Those who are planted in the house of the LORD shall flourish in the courts of our God. They shall bear fruit in old age, they shall be fresh and green: to declare that the LORD is upright. He is my God, and there is no unrighteousness in Him."

PSALM 92:13-14, _RSV_

# _10_

# Fine Dying

_" Death doth draw nigh;_

_There is no remedy. "_

ANONYMOUS

_" Enjoy the present hour,_

_be mindful of the past;_

_and neither fear nor wish_

_the approach of the end. "_

MAGUINDANAO PROVERB

_M_ y mother died in my arms. She was 77. She gave a short gasp while I was helping her to dress for the hospital. She felt for her bed, and I lay her down thinking she just wanted to get a bit of rest before we would go. As I watched her in repose, I was amazed at the rosy hue that settled on her cheeks. Her wrinkles seemed to have smoothened out, making her look younger, beautiful, and very much at peace. After a while, I called her, but she did not answer. I touched her arm and felt her brow. They were soft and warm but she remained unmoving. Only then did I realize that she was no longer breathing. I stood there transfixed, awed by her lovely, peaceful exit. I found no tears to shed for her at that moment, just a heartfelt, thankful relinquishment to God. My mother, a Christian and a no-fuss person, would have wanted her passing away in no other way.

We all have our time to die just as we all had our time to be born. The anonymous poet quoted earlier hits the nail on the head: There is no remedy for death. "The statistics on death are quite impressive," George Bernard Shaw, the playwright once said. "One out of one people die." And it is the most democratic of all the experiences we would ever go through. "When death comes," observed the former US president Andrew Jackson, "he respects neither age nor merit. He sweeps from this earthly existence the sick and the strong, the rich and the poor, and should teach us to live to be prepared for death."

How do we do that? Begin from the beginning. The whole of life is a preparation for death. Our readiness is determined by how we live now, today, at this very hour. Death is not a project to do; it is a moment that comes. For now, our reality is life. Our concern is how to spend our breathing moments in such a way that when death knocks at the door, we are ready to put down whatever we are doing and exit gracefully from this life to a better one with God. Says Stephen Girard, "When death comes to me it will find me busy, unless I am asleep. If I thought I was going to die tomorrow, I should nevertheless plant a tree today."

The whole of life is a preparation for death.

Though death always startles us, we seem to be more accepting when the person is old than when he or she dies young. An indication that we are going on in years is when we start reading the obituaries. I find myself drawn to the pages nowadays. "Look, this woman is so young!" I'd call my husband's attention. Or, comment to myself, "What a pity, he's just a child!" Or, "Well, this fellow has lived his full life."

"The transition between life and death must be gentle in the winter of life," Paul Matas declared. "Death must be invested with a certain grandeur and poetry if it comes to a man who has completed his mission. He has nothing to fear, nothing to dread."

"Must be." But is it? And how many who are ageing can say, "Mission accomplished. I am ready to go." Very few are hardly ever prepared to. We still harbor many unfulfilled dreams, frustrated desires, unfinished businesses. In our old age we need to learn to relinquish these and be content with what we have done, for what and who we are in our lifetime. If we do not, our remaining years would be filled with complaints and grumbles, bitterness and regrets, sighs of "if only" and flights of fancy of what-could-have-been. This would make life drab for us and difficult for those we love and live with. The past is beyond recall except in our memory, whereas the future is still within our hands to direct and influence.

**FEAR OF DYING, FEAR OF DEATH**

The truth is, most people including Christians, fear dying and cringe at the thought of death. This is a natural, human reaction against anything unknown. We'd rather cling to life because more or less we know its terrain. But death remains a mystery. No mortals who died have ever come back to tell us what to expect although there are those who have claimed to have "near-death" or "after-death" experiences.

The Bible describes death darkly with such phrases as "terrors of death" (Psalm 55:4), "snares of death" (Proverbs 13:14), "darkness and shadow of death" (Psalm 23:4), "gates of death" (Job 38:17), "chambers of death" (Proverbs 7:27), "way of death" (Jeremiah 21:8), "waves of death" (2 Samuel 22:5), "cords of death" (Psalm 18:4).

Death is forthrightly acknowledged by Scriptures as an enemy to be vanquished. Paul writes, "After that the end will come, when he will turn the Kingdom over to God the Father, having put down enemies of every kind. For Christ must reign until he humbles all his enemies beneath His feet. And the last enemy to be destroyed is death" (1 Corinthians 15:24-26, NLT).

Death is an enemy because it is an antithesis to God who creates, sustains, renews and transforms all things grand and lovely in this world, including human beings. Death, on the other hand, negates and abandons, chills and terrifies, separates and destroys.

The Bible also regards death as punishment for humankind's disobedience (Genesis 2:17, Romans 6:23). "Just as it is appointed for men to die once, and after that comes judgment..." (Hebrews 9:27, RSV).

Furthermore, death in the Bible is a double-edged word. It means both physical death as referred to in Hebrews, and spiritual death as what happened to Adam and Eve in the Garden of Eden. They still lived on but sin immediately cut them off from the presence and fellowship of God, their Creator and Lord.

And so, from the time we were born we were already spiritually dead. "Sin pays off with death," and we all "have sinned," Paul declares. "But God's gift is eternal life given by Jesus Christ our Lord" (Roman 6: 23, CEV). As a gift from God, Christ stands ready to welcome us when we receive Him. This means we only need to recognize Him as our Lord and Savior from sin, to obey Him in our daily walk, to put ourselves under His management for a "life in all its fullness" (John 10:10, TEV). This act of putting Christ first is, in the old language of Scriptures, to be "born anew" (John 3:3, RSV).

Jesus showed us how when He said, "I am the way, the truth, and the life. No one can come to the Father except through me" (John 14:6, NLT). "I assure you, those who listen to my message and believe in God who sent me have eternal life. They will never be condemned for their sins, but they have already passed from death into life" (John 5:24, NLT). In another instance, Jesus declared: "I assure you, anyone who obeys my teaching will never die" (John 8:51, NLT). And we have the famous declaration: "For God so loved the world that he gave his only Son, so that everyone who believes in him will not perish but have eternal life. God did not send his Son into the world to condemn it, but to save it" (John 3:16-17, NLT).

The apostle Paul echoed the same confidence in his letter to the Roman Christians. "We are sure of this because Christ rose from the dead, and he will never die again. Death no longer has any power over him" (Romans 6:9, NLT). And, though we may go through physical death, it will not have any hold over us anymore. Simply because our life is hidden in him whose death, resurrection and coming again (Revelation 1:18) has freed us to eternal life.

We would fear death morbidly if God is a stranger to us. But if He has become our friend, our Savior and Lord, then death cannot defeat us, only its shadow may be cast over us but only for a while.

**LIVING LIFE TO THE FULL, DYING FINE**

Due to severe hypertension, I was comatose for two nights and a day in Phnom Penh, Cambodia in May 2005 while in the thick of conducting a writing seminar. Medical findings declared I had transient ischemic attack (TIA), a condition that could easily lead to a stroke, and perhaps, death. It was my third TIA. The previous attacks happened within three months just before my trip to Cambodia. My husband, David, flew in posthaste ready to come home with my ashes, if God willed it so. Mercifully, he found me only groggy and weak but raring to go home.

"Can we fly out on Monday?" I asked my Khmer doctor in Naga Clinic two days after I woke up. Through his thick lenses, Dr. Cheng peered at me. "You're lucky you're still alive, after three mini strokes!" He said shaking his head. "No, Doc, it wasn't luck. It was a miracle from God!" I protested. "Do you believe in miracles?" I asked him. I've read that a TIA should last only a few hours or at most a day. Beyond that a real stroke may occur and it could be debilitating or fatal. A smile spread on my doctor's face. "Yes, I do. You stay a week more to regain your strength. See Phnom Penh. And come back for another check up before I let you go." Dr. Cheng turned out to be a Christ-believer, too.

Is death like going comatose and not ever coming back? I think so. The only difference is, in death, every vital organ of the body shuts off and the brain, the final indicator for the cessation of life, stops and goes to sleep altogether. I wonder if being in coma or losing consciousness or just the simple act of being asleep is God's way of letting us know a little about death.

This may just be a personal heresy of mine, but seriously, I believe in dying well. It simply means having the preparedness for it--mentally, emotionally and spiritually--because we have embraced life and lived it fully to the best that we can, and thus, we are ready for death. John Wyatt, a British medical doctor, believes that dying well offers us many opportunities. First, it is an opportunity for personal growth. It is possible that as our body is wasting, our spirit can be growing.

As our body is wasting, our spirit can be growing.

This reminds me of a dear friend who was diagnosed with cancer of the liver. Her family was too poor to enable her to stay in the hospital for prolonged treatment. So, she decided to wait for death at home. "We better spend the money for the children's education," she said unselfishly. I visited to pray with her regularly and was amazed to witness how her spirit glowed through a pain-wracked body. "I am thankful to God for every bit of life I see around, even the wagging of the cow's tail that I see from my window," I remember her say. I had wanted to be a comfort to her during my visits, instead I would go away comforted, my faith deepened by her. Death finally came and I had the privilege of covering her remains with a blanket. I was confident God had taken her into His bosom and what was left behind was only a reminder to us of who she was.

Second, "Dying well is an opportunity for healing, from the inside; for the restoration and reconciliation of broken relationships, twisted by years of bitterness and hurt," Dr. Wyatt points out further. "It is a never-to-be-repeated opportunity for forgiveness and starting again, and for the re-creation of family ties which have been severed."

Third, dying well is an opportunity for letting go. A time to relinquish tasks which will never be fulfilled, and thus be relieved of the burden. An opportunity to debunk our myths of being self-directed and controlling, thinking we could wield power and do what we please. For the reality is, we do depend on others and find solace in the company of those we love. Dying well is an opportunity to open our tightly closed fists and lay still grasping hands.

Dr. Wyatt further adds, dying well is an opportunity for reordering priorities and articulating what is really important in life.

And, dying well is an opportunity to fulfill dreams. Many people, Dr. Wyatt observes, have found that it is only when they are dying that their lifelong dreams can come to the fore, and be recognized, acknowledged, and to some extent fulfilled.

One other excellent reminder in dying well, we may add, is from Dr. Billy Graham: Execute your will. "A will is a legal document that names people--family members, friends, business associates--as well as organizations, churches and charities that you choose to receive your property when you die." This is important, Dr. Graham writes, because "Our treasures maybe laid up in heaven, but those things we leave on earth will mean a great deal more to those we leave behind." He backs up this very practical action with prophet Isaiah's command to an ailing King Hezekiah: "Set your affairs in order, for you are going to die. You will not recover from this illness" (2 Kings 20:1, NLT).

Death is death and it leaves us grieving. Jesus wept when He saw the stone, the barrier of death between Him and His friend, Lazarus. The wailing of Lazarus' two sisters, friends and neighbors filled Jesus' ears (John 11:33). But He freed Lazarus out of that cold, unfeeling tomb bringing him to warmth and life and fellowship once again. That awesome gesture points to all, who have made friends with Jesus through faith and obedience to Him, that hope of the afterlife fills our horizon. In Christ, we stand triumphant, even when we walk through the valley of the shadow of death.

"For when the trumpet sounds, the Christians who have died will be raised with transformed bodies... When this happens--when our perishable earthly bodies have been transformed into heavenly bodies that will never die--then at last the Scriptures will come true:

"Death is swallowed up in victory.

O death where is your victory?

O death, where is your sting?"

(1 CORINTHIANS 15:52B, 54-55, NLT)

For Jesus Christ proclaimed: "I am the resurrection and the life. Those who believe in me, even though they die like everyone else, will live again. They are given eternal life for believing in me and will never perish" (John 11:25-26, NLT).

"Look," John writes, "the home of God is now among his people. He will live with them, and they will be his people. God himself will be with them. He will remove all their sorrows, and there will be no more death or sorrow or crying or pain. For the old world and its evils are gone forever" (Revelation 21:3-4, NLT).

It turns out the anonymous poet at the beginning of this chapter was wrong. There is a remedy for death--Jesus Christ!

Horatius Bonar, a Christian poet puts it most beautifully:

"Beyond the shining and the shading

I shall be soon.

Beyond the hoping and the dreading

I shall be soon.

Love, rest and home--

Lord! tarry not, but come."

# _11_

# Grace of Being,  
Joy of Contemplation

_" For Thyself thou hast made us, and_

_our heart is restless until it rests in Thee. "_

AUGUSTINE OF HIPPO

_" Let us enjoy the moment while_

_there is some time left,_

_for then we shall leave all this_

_when God will do as He pleases. "_

IBANAG PROVERB

_D_ eath, like old age may be inevitable. But here we are, at the end of this book still alive! The grace of being, of who we are today by the Lord's mercy, and the gift of life are tremendous reasons for us to sing and dance and praise Him who remains the same yesterday, today and forever. True we go through changes, but God does not. Shouldn't our changing then be towards Him who changes not? For it is God alone who can possess us fully, satisfy us entirely and give us rest completely.

Now is our moment to be true to ourselves. "The gift of being is our true Self," explains Thomas Keating, an American Cistercian priest, monk and abbot. "Through our consent by faith, Christ is born in us and He and our true Self become one. Our awakening to the presence and action of the Spirit is the unfolding of Christ's resurrection in us."

However, becoming one with Christ and awakening to the presence and action of the Holy Spirit which Keating speaks of do not come by easy, instant or automatic. In the language of Paul these require a forgetting of what lies behind and straining forward to what lies ahead and a pressing on towards the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus (Philippians 3:14). Jesus Himself simply calls the whole movement as abiding in Him, as in a branch abiding in the vine (John 15:1-11).

The irony is, most of us know these biblical truths intellectually and often mouth them glibly. But how true and real are they in our own life, here and now?

If we nod our heads in agreement as to its unreality, and feel the dryness within, then, it is time to make it true by active and continuing practice and discipline. While God has still given us this sacred space and time to cultivate and nurture the real _us_ with the full ministration of God's Spirit, let us seek it. We don't lose anything but gain much, much more. For as we say, _" Kung hindi ngayon, kailan pa?"_ (If it's not now, then when?) While our younger years might have been spent in intellectual pursuits, material accumulation and social networking, now is our chance to know our person better and God more.

Now is our chance to know our person better and God more.

But who is the real _me_? We may ask confused by this seeming theological-philosophical turn of discussion. The answer appears to be simple. The real _me_ is the person within that seeks after God. The one who confesses, "My heart says of you, 'Seek his face!' Your face, LORD, I will seek" (Psalm 27:8, NIV). It is the _me_ who aspires for a greater union with the Spirit. The _me_ who is destined by God, from the time of Creation, to be with Him forever. The discovery of this _me_ comes slowly when we allow ourselves to enter into certain activities. Not as rituals or formulas but as helps towards this path of a graced being.

**_MAGPAKATOTOO KA_ (BE REAL)**

"We must try to discover the real person we are, the secret person, the core of the person to come and the only eternal reality which is already us," encourages Anthony Bloom, a Russian Orthodox monk. For he says that if we do not find our unity, our fundamental identity, we cannot encounter the Lord of truth. "God cannot save the imaginary person that we try to present to him or to others or ourselves... We must seek for God in us and ourselves in God. This is a work of meditation which we should engage in every day all through our lives."

I have realized that indeed transparency to oneself and integration with the God that we know in Christ is, or should be the ultimate goal of every Christian. In fact, this is the desire, unexpressed or not, of every person in the world--to be one, united, put together. Sin, pain, failure have fragmented us. But if we allow Christ to work, He will bring our scatteredness into a unity. Hiding behind the shadows of falsity and appearances only put a wide rift between what we think is the proper _us_ and what God wants us to be--to be transformed in His own likeness.

Falsity does not become a child of God. Sham posturing does not fit. It was true of the Israelites who got scattered every time they disobeyed Yahweh, and it is still true of us today, personally or nationally. The world demands a splintering of our lives as we have already alluded earlier. However, to be one with Him is Jesus' prayer for His disciples:

"The goal is for all of them to become one heart and mind--

Just as you, Father, are in me and I in you,

So they might be one heart and mind with us."

JOHN 17:11, _T HE MESSAGE_

**SEEK SOLITUDE**

We Filipinos are known for our being socially active, and talkative. When city friends visit our house and see nothing but trees all around, and hear nothing but chirping birds and the whirring of cicadas, they invariably say, " _Ang lungkot naman dito!_ (My, it's lonely out here!). They only know the blaring of radios and gabbing on TV, the honking of vehicles, the constant milling crowd and the never-ending chattering if not with friends, then, of neighbors. I know when people come from crowded, noisy places; their voices are always a few decibels higher than we are used to at home.

Thus, we cannot know the state of our being if we do not allow ourselves ample solitude or aloneness or silence. In removing ourselves from the crowd we are able to connect with the real person within us. We also begin to see God's finger pointing to us the cracks and blemishes within which He would like to work on so that we might progress towards wholeness.

Discouraged, disappointed, angry but helpless, David, my husband went to the La Salette, a Catholic retreat center to calm his spirit. Wordless, he walked to and fro on the paved footpath. He was struggling with the fact that we had suddenly found ourselves stripped off of our work and home after 20 years, while the boys were still in the university. For a long, long while he drank the silence, the wide expanse of greenery, the setting sun against crimson skies. As he heaved a prayer-sigh, his eye caught a green thing, a fat measuring worm, determinedly inching its way forward on the pathway. "I never imagined that God could speak to me through a lowly worm," he later related to a group of friends. "If I could take care of this worm, how much more am I able to take care of you. Trust me and move on!' God seemed to say to me. I suddenly felt I was standing on holy ground. I stopped to worship God. I saw how fragile my faith was; how mixed up my feelings were; the worm shamed me. Yet, at the same time, I became hopeful and rested with the thought that the worm would soon become a butterfly. And who knows what's to become of us? Isn't that wonderful?"

A similar spiritual insight and confident rest can only come in quietness, quite apart from the clangor and din of life. If my husband had blustered and stomped, he could not have given the poor worm a chance to give him the crucial divine message he needed that day.

**ENGAGE IN CONTEMPLATIVE READING OF SCRIPTURES**

Contemplative reading is a daily meditation of Scripture in which we read not for knowledge or information but to enhance our life of faith. It is a reflective reading in which we take a word or a verse or the theme of a passage and let it percolate in our mind, finding connections to who we are and what we do and receiving this as our enlightenment from the Lord. It may take an hour, a day or weeks.

Not very long ago, I was becoming disappointed with the way I had been writing--in spurts and splotches, according to whim and caprice, thus, uneven. Until I came upon this passage:

"Each generation will announce to the next your wonderful and powerful deeds.

I will keep thinking about your marvelous glory and your mighty miracles.

Everyone will talk about your fearsome deeds, and I will tell all nations how great you are."

PSALM 145:4-6, CEV

_How will each generation announce God 's wonderful and powerful deeds?_ I wrote in my journal after dwelling on the verses for quite sometime. _How will everyone talk about His mighty acts? If not by passing them on --v_erbally, yes, but most importantly in writing--the usual or via the electronics or whatever design humans may invent in the future. But as for me, it is in writing that I will be able to tell people how great You are, Lord.

_This is a booster of a reminder for me, Father, considering how reluctant I am to sit before my computer to write on a regular basis. It has been by jolts and spasms that I do --and so my turnover is small and erratic._

_I look at how David, the psalmist, did it. He wrote his songs on the goodness and marvelous acts of the Almighty. Not only were the songs sung during his time but they lived_ _on and on and on until they have reached me today in print. David found the key to make God alive and true and real to all generations by writing. Glory to the Savior! Honor and majesty to Him! Thank you, Lord, for David and all those who had come before, during and after him. For all the writers today who put You into their works --in poetry or prose, in novels and essays or in any other forms. We cannot write enough about You. I can only do my small part in praise and obedience to Your calling for me. Help me to be obedient, Lord._

"I will keep thinking about your marvelous glory and your mighty miracles."

_This needs my focus and reflection, my sustained attention and sensitivity to the ways of God, and always, always committing them to words, however inadequate, so I will not forget. Lord, don 't let me forget._

I rose up from that reading more resolute to be obedient to the gift that God has given me. I still carry the passage in my heart to this day, making _" I will keep on thinking of God's marvelous ways"_ a continuing challenge.

**GO DEEP IN PRAYER**

I feel that so much of public prayer today is done to exhibit one's erudition, lung capacity and ability to scare God into submission. How could we just shout at God when He is in heaven and we are down here? Aren't we admonished to let our words be few (Ecclesiastes 5:2) in approaching Him, for the "more words, the more vanity and what is man the better?" asked Solomon (Ecclesiastes, 6:11, RSV). How could we make use of His name as pauses and commas to our unformed thoughts as we aspire to "pray" without feeling guilty of using God's name in vain? How could we make God a "whipping boy" for the calamities and foolishness that we have done?

Often, in our own private prayer life, we are no better than in public. We think that to pray is to string words together, but prayer is not volubility. We think that prayer requires extraordinary time and inordinate lengths, but it is none of both or either. We think that prayer is doing, but in essence it is not. It is being. It is primarily _me_ , _you_ coming to God, presenting our person and staying there. "It is not words but the beyond-word experience of coming into the presence of something much greater than oneself. It is an invitation to recognize holiness, and to utter simple words--'Holy, Holy, Holy'--in response."

Into this kind of prayer, we need to learn to enter. Such wordless, or almost no-word prayer requires a mental focus that concentrates only on God. "Attentiveness is all," says Kathleen Norris. And I agree. For we are in the presence of the Holy and the conversation we have runs on a two-way channel that requires our alert mind and careful listening. In prayer, we are not asked to do a monologue but God draws us into a conversation, a fellowship, a dialogue. Neither rushed or hurried, we stay and enjoy each other's company, maybe in silence, like old couples still in love, holding hands together and looking into each other's eyes.

Such a kind of prayer does not require a pew to kneel on, though sometimes kneeling helps, or a choir background, to be enjoyable or effective. Entering into God's presence can be anywhere, anytime, though I think we should not simply barge in like a child waving and wailing for his mother's attention. Unless of course, we are in a situation like Peter, who, seeing the waves about to engulf him could only shout, "Lord, help me!" And God, in those instances, understands very well.

"Lord, did you also wash dishes?" I asked very recently, quite out of the blue, while I was soaping the after-dinner clutter. It is my lot to do the washing after meals, most of the time. And I have learned to like the job, to see things shiny and clean, drip dry and wiped ready for the next use. "I washed feet, didn't I? Do you think I was above it?" came the answer in my mind that startled me. Realizing how close God was, I gave a wide grin to the faucet gushing with water. What a liberating thought to all the dishwashers in the world! God understands our job and stands alongside us while at work!

Now, whether you would say that was a prayer, and a deep one at that, is up to you. But I asked God a question and He answered me, giving me an insight that He is very much into common conversations and mundane work.

**EXERCISE LIVING IN HIS PRESENCE**

Present-day Christians give this subject a wide berth thinking it is something esoteric and gobbledygook that people who have nothing to do engage in. Sometimes, so-called "experts" on spirituality give us the impression that you have to evolve into a higher form to attain this level of blessedness where everything is sweet and light and bliss.

Nothing is further from the truth. Living in God's presence is another expression of acknowledging that the Lord Jesus Christ is the Lord of our life. It is the consciousness that He encompasses the whole of our person, and so we yield to Him. Our decisions, feelings, actions, relationships and every bit that concerns us within and without, we put with intent into His loving hands. It doesn't mean, however, that there is no pain, sin, frustration, and failure. There will be many, as we are mere human beings prone to put up our banner against the Lord we profess to obey. But still, He is there in the darkest night of our soul wooing us into the light, His light. Still, He is our Lord. Still He is our Companion. Still He is our Friend.

The most satisfactory way of living our life is to be where He is, making His presence a reality in our everyday experience.

Such that the most satisfactory way of living our life is to be where He is, making His presence a reality in our everyday experience, obedient to His call to be with Him (John 4:23-24). Whether it is washing dishes, weeding a farm, writing to a friend or just sitting there, our inner being is attentive to His Spirit and we do our task in worship. Time passes by in our outward doing and inward fellowship, truly an event of grace.

Brother Lawrence, a lay brother among Carmelites in Paris writes, "In the presence of God, and through interior regard [I take this to mean minding our heart or inner being], the soul becomes familiar with God in such a manner that it spends almost its whole life in continual acts of love, adoration, contrition, thanksgiving, offerings, petitions, and of all the most excellent virtues. Sometimes it even becomes a single act that ceases to act because the soul is always in continual exercise of the divine presence."

"Wow! Who can ever do that?" we ask. The secret seems to be in the "continual exercise." Brother Lawrence admits that few have arrived at this stage he describes above, but if we are simple in faith and disposed to this holy practice, we may get close to it.

For me it is enough that when I arrange a bunch of multi-colored mums in a vase, I find my heart welling in praise, for God has made them so meticulously beautiful. Or, that when a name or face comes to mind, I pray for him or her, and when I feel my body parts moving as they ought, I thank God I am still alive.

**DEVELOP AN EYE FOR BEAUTY,  
CREATE WHEN THERE'S NONE**

A contemplative life is not only a restful life, but also a creative life. It is often seen in the kind of aura a person of contemplation exudes. "I like to be around her," a friend told me of a woman we both know. "Just looking at her calm and composed, I am somehow calmed down myself." This has nothing to do with super-spirituality that some people wear on their sleeves like a badge, sweetly blowing kisses to the four directions of the world, chanting "Peace! Love! Unity!" Rather, they are persons who have learned to accept themselves, quieted their hearts and lived in knowing grace. A truly beautiful life.

Most times too, without intending to, a person of contemplation becomes an instrument of healing, a bridge to soured relationships, a pool of peace in the midst of chaos. By being himself or herself, people are drawn to the person. He or she welcomes the attention if it is there, but does not seek it when there is none. In the presence of God, life has become a settled peace that results in a creative life force for others. Isn't this what we all want?

Having found our capacity for spiritual fellowship with our Father-Creator, we also develop an eye for beauty in the things around us _. "Puro pintas ako sa mundo bago ko nakilala ang Panginoon"_ (I was critical with the world before I came to know the Lord), confided Lourdes, my once-a-week housecleaner. _" Pero ngayon, pati bulaklak ng damo sa tabi ng daan, maganda sa akin"_ (But now, even the flowers of weeds by the wayside look beautiful to me).

That testimony has challenged me. When I run out of flowers for my vases, I go around the farm looking for wild ones, some colorful leaves, a few unique-looking twigs and put them together--and voila, I have a beauty on my table!

Garrett, a church member found her voice again by writing songs for our women's group. And, Cris, another member of our church, who was the quietest and shyest of all the men, is now singing in our Praise and Worship team. It was unbelievable at first for many of us, but Cris is there on stage singing beautiful melodies to the Lord.

Creating beauty is the natural result of a joyful contemplative life. They go hand in hand. God has always meant us for beauty in this world (He made it full and very good) and in the life hereafter (read Revelation 21-22). According to our gifting then, it is time for us to pick up that pen, that brush, that camera, that seedling, or whatever it is that whispers to you, "Create me for beauty! Create me to praise God!" The opportunity is here. And the time is now. All you need is to obey.

# REFERENCES

Barclay, William. _The Letters to Timothy, Titus and Philemon_. Revised edition. Philadelphia: Westminster Press, 1975.

Buettner, Dan. "The Secrets of Living Longer," _National Geographic_ , November 2005, pp. 2-27.

Burton, Watson, Wing-Tsit Chan, and Wm. Theodore de Bary. _Sources_ _of Indian Tradition._ Vol. 1. New York and London: Columbia University Press, 1958.

Collins, Gary. _Christian Counselling: A Comprehensive Guide._ Revised and expanded. England: Word Publishing, 1988.

Dale, Alzina Stone. _The Outline of Sanity: A Life of G.K. Chesterton_. Grand Rapids, Michigan: William B. Eerdmans Publishing Company, 1982.

Dobson, Dr. James. _Complete Marriage and Family Home Reference_ _Guide_. Manila. Philippines: OMF Literature Inc., 2000.

Eugenio, Damiana. _Philippine Folk Literature: The Proverbs._ QC: UP Folklorists, Inc., 1992.

Fettke, Tom. Senior editor. _The Celebration Hymnal: Songs and Hymns_ _for Worship._ Brentwood, Tennessee: Word/Integrity, 1997.

Graham, Billy. _Facing Death and the Life After_. Waco, Texas: Word Incorporated, 1987.

Gatmaitan, Dr. Luis. _Salamat Po, Doktor_. Manila: Anvil Publishing Incorporated, 1987.

Harley, Jr., Willard F. _His Needs, Her Needs: Building an Affair-Proof_ _Marriage_. Grand Rapids, Michigan: Fleming H. Revell, 1986.

Klingvall, Lena Maria. _Footnotes_ (back cover). Translated by Lilla Fewster nee Sorman. United Kingdom: Monarch Books, 2000.

Mead, Frank S., compiler and editor. _12,000 Inspirational Quotations_. Springfield, Massachusetts: Federal Street Press, a division of Merriam-Webster Incorporated, 1965.

Peterson, Eugene. _Reflections on the Words and Actions of Moses_. San Francisco: Harper, 1994.

Ridell, Mike. _Sacred Journey_. Oxford, England: Lion Publishing plc, 2000.

Russell, Bertrand. _The Autobiography of Bertrand Russell_. Toronto: George Allen and Unwin, Ltd., 1967.

Shakespeare, William. _Complete Works of Shakespeare_. New York: Crowns Publishers Inc., 1975.

Sheehy, Gail. _Pathfinders_. New York: Bantam Books, 1981.

Tournier, Paul. _Learning to Grow Old_. Translated by Edwin Hudson from the French _Appendre a Vieller_. London: SCM Press, 1972.

Telushkin, Rabbi Joseph. _Jewish Wisdom_. New York: William Marrow and Company, Inc., 1994.

Van Ekeren, Glen. _Words for All Occasions_. New York: Prentice Hall, 1988.

Waller, Edmund. "Of the Last Verses in the Book" in _Six Centuries_ _of Great Poetry_. Robert Penn Warren and Albert Erskine, editors. New York: A Dell First Edition, 1955.

Wilson, Dorothy Clarke. _Ten Fingers for God: The Life and Works of Dr. Paul Brand_. Foreword by Philip Yancey. Sandy, Oregon: Paul Brand Publishing, 1983.

Wyatt, John. _Matters of Life and Death_. Leicester, England: InterVarsity Press, 1998.

Esplanada, Jerry F. "Life Begins at 85 for this Grand Old Man of Philippine Politics," _Sunday Inquirer_ , December 11, 2005, p. 5

Farolan, Ramon J. in "Reveille" (column), _Philippine Daily Inquirer_ , June 27, 2004, Section A, p. 15.

Feliciano, Evelyn Miranda. "Wellness in spite of pain" in "Beauty for Ashes" (column), _Patmos_ , Vol. 19. No. 1, 2004, pp. 34-35.

----. "Growing Old Gracefully," _Patmos_ , Vol. 13. No. 3. July 1999, pp. 9-11.

Giron, Marietta Velasco, in "The Consumer" (column), _Philippine_ _Daily Inquirer_ , June 30, 2005, p. 32.

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"Quotable Quotes," Reader's Digest, October 1977, p. 144.

Tounsi, Samir. "China Population May Shrink, Problem Is--There's More Men than Women," _Bulletin Today_ , October 16, 2005, p. 1-2.

**APPENDIX A**

**MIND ALERT EXERCISES**

From here and there, I've picked up mental pointers to help us overcome forgetfulness and expand our memory to greater use. Try them!

**_Don 't say when you forget, "Kasi matanda na ako!" (I'm old, that's why!")_.** That is psychologically sabotaging yourself and puts old age in a bad light. "Your memory declines with age only if it's not used," insists Tony Buzan author of _Use Your Memory_. "Conversely if it is used, it will continue to improve throughout your lifetime." Well, Buzan is 61 and going. Also, labelling yourself as a "forgetful person," limits your capacity to remember. If we really want to remember, we do not forget, don't we?

**_Imagine and associate_**. Two young friends of my husband visited us recently. Much as I tried, I couldn't remember the name of the other one, though "Connie" came easily to mind. I associated Connie with her high-bridged nose. "Who's the other one? I asked my husband. "Miriam," he said. Now, how will I remember Miriam? I thought to myself. The "yum" sound in her name did it for she was quite an ample woman.

**_Repeat. Repeat. Repeat_.** Remembering numbers is my waterloo. When friends asked for my cell phone number, I'd just shake my head embarrassed, "It's even a mystery to me!" And I found many others who also don't know those pesky 11 digit abstractions. Well, I challenged myself by repeating it under my breath a few times. Now, I can rattle it off even in my sleep. Memorization of verses or poems or a grocery list applies here--for repetition makes perfect.

**_Go beyond your mental comfort zone_.** I like reading novels until my son gave me Gunter Grass's _Dog Years_ (1963), a real challenge. After a few chapters, I wanted to lay it down. But if I did, I argued with myself, I would never know what's the point of all the seeming endless repetitions and what happened at the end. So, I plodded on, skipping a few pages, and sometimes sleeping on it. Of the many stream-of-consciousness stories I've read, this one is a poser. It was dubbed by reviewers as a great work simply because I think very few understood it. I read it just the same even if I understood only half of the tale.

Have you ever done crossword puzzles? "Ah, I'm not into words," you'd say. Start with simple, easy ones and you would love it. You'll not only know words, you will learn history, movies, characters, plants, animals and many others.

**_Wander off your beaten path_.** I am no mall person and every time I go alone, I'd get lost in its many twists and turns and endless stream of denizens like me. To avoid pestering the guards and the salesgirls, I take note what's on my left and on my right, count the turns I take, the level of floors I've escalated, etc., and in so doing trained my left and right brain, sharpened my observation and alertness and bought my stuff. If still, I get lost, what is that with the brain exercise I gained?

**_Arrange things into acrostics_.** This was fun during college years when the exam is enumeration. It is still helpful today when I go the grocery store and do not want to be encumbered with a list. I want to buy milk, bottled water, eucalyptus ointment, ground meat, apples, sausage and soap. So I rearrange the items and form them into one word like MASSAGE: M-ilk, A-pples, S-ausage, S-oap, A-gua (bottled water), G-round meat and Eucalyptus. Unless, of course, I forget the word "massage" itself, then, I am hopeless!

**_Learn something new_.** Something out of your league--a new hobby, language, skill, a game--anything you haven't done before. Our brain cell, experts say, has 100,000 connections to other brain cells. Tackling a new task enables the brain connections to become much denser, not any different from building muscle mass through exercise. Engaging your mind in different ways forces your brain to become more productive and agile.

Coming from a pre-computer generation, I was afraid to learn how to use one. "It's easy," Rev. Dan Pantoja explained to me, while unwinding the many cables and setting up the monitor on my desk. I was staying in his parsonage in Vancouver City nursing the ambition of writing my first novel while attending a course at Regent College. "No, I just want a typewriter," I protested. He laughed to my face. "Typewriter has become a dodo here, Ma'am. Here, just do this and this," and he clicked buttons and keys and words came on the screen. Then, he left whistling.

I timidly reached for the instruction, typed in words tentatively afraid something might jump at me, touched other keys on the keyboard--and, amazingly I learned! In three days, I was merrily typing the beginning of a novel that I thought would never see the light. But it did!

**_Learn to spot the difference_.** When you listen to the evening news, what are the finer differences between one TV station from another? Why do you prefer one to the other? What are the distinguishing marks in the music of Mozart and Liszt? How do you describe the taste of a Washington apple from an apple from China? What is the feel of a Thai silk compared to that of India?

The ability to distinguish the finer points among similar things, and describe them, gives our brains a sensory and verbal workout. It adds to our being efficient and sharp.

**_Go with a smart crowd_.** Not that we should discriminate against other people. But brain-wise, being with stimulating friends helps in energizing our capacity to think and reason, verbalize and imagine than when we keep company only with those who say "Yes," "No" and "Uhum." If we don't like to have an _" utak-ipis"_ (mind of a cockroach), then, we should aspire for an _" isip-tao"_ (a human mind)--clear, rational, orderly, uplifting.

**_Practice visual ping-pong_.** Try rolling your eyeballs back and forth--right to left, left to right for 20 seconds. Researchers at the University of Toledo discovered that doing this visual ping-pong helps you to remember what you have just forgotten. The exercise allegedly stimulates that part of the brain responsible for recalling.

**_Talk to yourself_**. I don't mind being called a "mumbling old woman" if it helps me to focus on what I do and remember what I should do next. This is helpful when you are following a technical instruction like how to rev up your weed cutter that has just sputtered. "Clean the carburetor," my husband muttered, reaching out for a rag and brush. "Now, where's the carburetor, ah, here," his eyes going left and right from the instruction to the machine. "Then, what's next? Ah, turn fuel cock to on..." And after much murmuring and bending over the weed cutter, it came to life again.

Verbalizing, no matter what other people say, helps us focus on the task, reenforces the steps we are taking, and reminds us of what needs to be done. Just don't go muttering all over town!

**APPENDIX B**

**AWAKEN THOSE MUSCLES! EXERCISE WITH MEDITATION**

Some ten years back, I felt old age creeping in to me, secretly and unbidden. I was just in my mid-50s, then. It keenly announced itself as I was negotiating two flights of stairs of no more than 20 steps to my room in the attic of my friend's rented apartment in the city. My legs felt heavy. My calves protested and my knees creaked at every step I took. An overall bodily malaise seemed to have overtaken me even if I wasn't at all sick. _Time to do something creative and sustained to combat this thing_ , I thought.

From a muscle-stretching exercise I initially learned from a Canossian religious sister what sounded something like _shibashi_ (a pity I never got to ask how it was spelled and its provenance), I evolved my own. Primarily to address those little aches and pains that like to lodge in the most unlikely places of my body. I was afraid that unattended they'd think it's their right to permanently settle there.

Recently, I gave meanings to the different movements depending on who my audience is to facilitate memory recall and impart spiritual instruction. And to my pleasant surprise I realized that actually with the slow, meditative music accompanying it, the workout has taken a wholistic sweep. People around the world who have done it with me enjoyed very much the exercise.

Usually, before I do any speechmaking or teaching here or abroad, I set the mood by asking the group to do a few movements with me. "You should patent it," some friends have urged. Well, they're giving me ideas. I just might. But for now, it's yours for the doing.

The secret is in doing it slowly, meditatively, focusing on the self, the movements and music. You are not meant to sweat like a pig; you are to feel limbered up, light but rooted, awakened, thoughtful and ready for the day.

The exercises could be done on your own or with a group. And you could always add other movements you think would be useful to your need.

**You 've got to have:**

•  Slow, reflective musical pieces; the classics are excellent. Also Scripture verses accompanied by music on tape or CD.

•  Enough space to stretch your arms sideward and forward unimpeded. A natural setting such as a lawn, garden, or open field is perfect.

•  Silence. Concentration on our body parts, especially the sore and the achy, shows our concern for those parts, thus respecting their concerns. The pain that we feel, according to experts, is a way of our body telling us, "Please mind me!" Giving attention to it is to nurture it to wellness. _Minsan kulang lang sa pansin,_ (Sometimes, it merely needs attention) as we would say.

**Basic posture:** Standing, feet comfortably apart, hands on the sides.

Quiet down as the music begins. Inhale and exhale deeply and slowly, mentally visiting the different parts of your body, from head to toe, greeting each as it were with "How are you?" If I inhale and exhale this way 15 times or so, it's fine. I am done. But don't hurry.

**MEDITATE: As we grow older we are made richer by prayer.**

**MOVEMENT 1** : Inhale deeply. Make a slow, full stretch of your arms sidewise, tensing your muscles as you do the movement. Raise them up towards the sky, your face lifted up as well, and put your palms together over your head. Exhaling slowly, bring your palms down deliberately as you bend your knees outward as low as you are able with your head bent downward as well, but keeping your upper body erect.

As you raise yourself up slowly, stretch your arms sideward again repeating the motion eight times. Do more as you get the hang of it.

**MEDITATE: Most times we struggle to be freed from God, but surrendering to Him is the secret to peace and a rich life in whatever age we are in.**

**MOVEMENT 2:** Make tight fists with your hands and pull them towards your chest. Keep the fists in tension, and inhale deeply while moving your arms sideward, upward, downward--try to reach the floor (if you are able) without bending your knees. Exhale slowly. Open the fists and straighten up. Make fists again and repeat the movement eight times.

**MEDITATE: Let us continue to grow in mind and spirit by developing the ability to look at ourselves with a critical eye for improvement. As the Cebuanos say _, "Kabaw lang ang dili but-an"_ (Only the carabao does not learn, which I doubt).**

**MOVEMENT 3:** Hold your arms before you with palms open, making a circle. Put your right open palm on top of your left looking at it as if holding a hand mirror. Inhale deeply.

Slowly move the "mirror" to the right following it with your eyes and moving your torso to the right as far back as you are able without moving your feet. Exhale slowly as you bring your torso and arms back to position.

Reverse this time, put your left open palm over your right, inhaling slowly. Twist to the left as far back as you can. Then, slowly bring your torso back to front as you exhale. Repeat the movement eight times.

**MEDITATE: If we stay open, we learn from the new generation. But we need not compromise our Christian values just to be called a "modern" _lolo_ (grandfather) or _lola_ (grandmother).**

**MOVEMENT 4:** Do a swimming stroke called the "crawl." Swing your right arm wide and feel the muscles tense sideward and forward as you also turn your neck to the right followed closely by your left arm doing a similar movement with your neck turning to the left this time. Do this deliberately and breathe slowly. Repeat eight times.

This time do a "backstroke." Swing your right hand backward while your head tilts to the left. As you bring it down, swing your left arm backwards, and tilt your head to the right. Try to make graceful circular motion of both arms. Always be attentive to your breathing.

**MEDITATE: Life does not stand still simply because you are old. Move and pedal around!**

**MOVEMENT 5:** Look for a steady prop, a wall or a heavy desk. Stand 1 ½ feet away from it. Facing this, prop your open hands against it. Slant your torso with both legs straight and comfortably apart, feet flat on the floor. Stand on tiptoe and bend your right knee forward. As you put your right leg down, do a similar movement with your left, as if you are on a bicycle pedaling your way to the market. Exaggerate the movement by jutting out your pelvis; move your shoulders and elbows as well. Do the movement 16 times.

**MEDITATE: Embrace everybody but release them to be free.**

**MOVEMENT 6:** Put your right foot forward, bend, be sure that left leg remains straight, your posture upright. As you bend forward, make a sweeping embrace as far as you can, inhaling and exhaling slowly as you go backward, arms open wide--also as far as you can. Do the movement again, this time your left leg is bent and your right is straight. Repeat five times. Do the same for the left leg.

**MEDITATE: Learn to reflect on the self, the world and God.**

**MOVEMENT 7:** Stand still, feet apart with arms akimbo (on your waist). Rotate your neck slowly, slowly (or you might hurt your spine) to the right three or four times. Slowly, ever slowly, rotate it to the left in the same number of times.

Closing your eyes as you do this helps you feel really connected to yourself.

**MEDITATE: Life is beautiful!**

**MOVEMENT 8:** Still with hands on your waist and your feet apart, slowly stand on tiptoe, inhaling deeply as you go up. Feel the stretching of the muscles around your calves, ankles and feet and the rising of your chest cavity. Hold your head high and smile to yourself.

Exhale slowly as you go down. Repeat eight times.

**MEDITATE: Praise God for a youthful spirit!**

**MOVEMENT 9:** On your toes, slowly swing your arms sideward, inhaling deeply. Still on your toes, slowly bend your knees, your arms making a graceful sweep down, raise them all the way up lifting your body and facing the sky. Exhale slowly. Pause. Repeat five times and do more later.

Once you get used to it, you can do the movements continuously and gracefully without stopping.

Happy exercising!

**APPENDIX C**

**BENEFITS FOR SENIOR CITIZENS**

**Republic Act 7432**

**An act to maximize the contributions of senior citizens to nation building, grant benefits and special privileges.**

**Section 4: Privileges for Senior Citizens**

   Free medical and dental services in government establishments anywhere in the country, (but subject to guidelines issued by the Department of Health, Government Service Insurance System and the Social Security System).

---

   Exemption from payment of individual income taxes. (Provided, that their annual taxable incomes does not exceed the poverty level as determined by the National Economic and Development Authority [NEDA] for that year).

   Continuance of the same benefits and privileges given by the Government Service Insurance System (GSIS) and PAG-IBIG, as the case may be, as are enjoyed by those in actual service.

   Exemption from training fees for socioeconomic programs undertaken by the Office for Senior Citizens Affairs (OSCA) as part of its work.

   20% discount from all establishments relative to utilization of transportation services, hotels, and similar lodging establishments, restaurants and recreation centers. (Provided, that private establishments may claim the cost as tax credit).

   20% discount on admission fees charged by theaters, cinema houses, concert halls, circuses, carnivals and other similar places of culture, leisure and amusement.

   20% discount in the purchase of medicine from drugstores.

**Section 5: Government assistance for those caring and living with the senior citizen**

a. The senior citizen shall be treated as dependents provided for in the National International Revenue Code and as such, individual taxpayers caring for them, be they relatives or not shall be accorded the privileges granted by the Code insofar as having dependents are concerned.

b. Individuals or non-governmental institutions establishing homes, residential communities or retirement villages solely for the senior citizens shall be accorded the following:

1. Realty tax holiday for the first five (5) years starting from the first year of operation;

2. Priority in the building and/or maintenance of provincial or municipal roads leading to the aforesaid home, residential community or retirement village.

**Section 6: Retirement Benefits for Senior Citizens**

To the extent practicable and feasible, retirement benefits from both the Government and the private sectors shall be upgraded to be at par with the current scale enjoyed by those in actual service.

**Additional Benefits for Senior Citizens under Republic Act 9257 - The Expanded Senior Citizens' Act of 2003**

   5% discount of regular price of basic necessities and prime commodities such as coffee, bread, sugar, canned sardines and other grocery items.

---

# ENDNOTES

 Quoted in "The Consumer" by Marietta Velasco Giron, _Philippine Daily Inquirer_ , Thursday, June 30, 2005.

 "China Population May Shrink, Problem Is--There's More Men than Women" by Samir Tounsi, in _Bulletin Today_ , October 16, 2005, p. 1-2.

 Gail Sheehy, _Pathfinders_ (New York: Bantam Books, 1981), p. 314.

 He authored three major legislative measures: the Code of Conduct and Ethical Standards for Public Officials and Employees (RA 6713), the Anti-Coup D'etat Act (RA 6968), and the Anti-Plunder Law (RA 7080).

 Ramon J. Farolan, "Reveille" (column), _Philippine Daily Inquirer_ , June 27, 2004, Section A, p. 15.

 Paul Tournier, _Learning to Grow Old,_ translated by Edwin Hudson from the French _Apprendre a vieller,_ (London: SCM Press, 1972), p. 146.

 " _Arriattam malippaua y lakag na dagun, Ngem taginappattam y lamna na manayun_." Damiana Eugenio, compiler and editor, _Philippine Folk Literature: The Proverbs_ , (Quezon City: UP Folklorists, Inc., 1992), p. 8.

 Russel T. Hitt, "Some Thoughts on Aging," _Eternity_ , vol. 39, No. 9, September 1988, p. 11.

 Damiana Eugenio, compiler and editor, _Philippine Folk Literature: The Proverbs_ , Quezon City: UP Folklorists, Inc., 1992, p. 576.

 Jay E. Adams. _Wrinkled But Not Ruined: Counsel for the Elderly_ (Woodruff, SC: Timeless Texts, 1999) p. 4.

 _Medical Question and Answer Book_ , Sydney Australia: Reader's Digest Association Far East Ltd 1989, p. 258.

 Franks S. Mead, editor and compiler, _12,000 Inspirational Quotations_ , (Springfield, Massachusetts: Federal Street Press. A Division of Merriam-Webster, Inc., 1965), p. 24.

 Ibid, p. 25.

 " _Ang himaya sang pamata-on, Maong iyang kuseg, kang ang puni, sang tigulang ang mga uban._ " Eugenio, p. 575.

 Rabbi Joseph Telushkin, _Jewish Wisdom,_ (New York: William Morrow and Company, Inc., 1994), p. 248.

 Ibid, p. 251.

 Eugene Peterson, _Praying with Moses; Reflections on the Words and Actions of Moses,_ (Harper, San Francisco, 1994, February 1)

 Tournier, p. 190.

 William Barclay, _The Letters to Timothy, Titus and Philemon_ , revised edition, (Philadelphia: Westminster Press, 1975), p. 248

 Ibid

 Peterson, February 1.

 "In His Time" by Diane Ball, from _The Celebration Hymnal_ : Songs and Hymns for Worship. Brentwood Tennessee: Word/Integrity, 1997, p. 681.

 " _Uray aguban ken agkuribetbet ti rupa, Ti naragsak a pusom paubingennaka._ " Eugenio, p. 231.

 " _Dagiti laklakay a nanakman/Isuda ti sapulem nga umanan_." Eugenio, p. 159.

 " _An dai pagdangog kaiyan/Mapapadapit sa mga mangmang. "_ Eugenio, p. 96.

 Edmund Waller, "Of the Last Verses in the Book," _Six Centuries of Great Poetry_ edited by Robert Penn Warren and Albert Erskine, (A Dell First Edition, 1955), p. 222.

 " _Ang kapagsik kag kaisog, sa kabuhi nakapasauyog_." Eugenio, p. 472.

 Dan Buettner, "The Secrets of Living Longer," _National Geographic,_ November 2005, pp. 2-27.

 _Sources of Chinese Tradition_ , Vol. 1, compiled by Wm. Theodore de Bary, Wing-Tsit Chan, Burton Watson, (New York and London: Columbia University Press, 1960), p. 20.

 " _Caaduan dagiti dandanagtayo, Ti aggapo met la cadatayo_ , Eugenio, p. 170.

 Tournier, p. 173.

 Ibid p. 113.

 "O God, Our Help in Ages Past" by Isaac Watts, music by William Croft from _The Celebration Hymnal_ , p. 686.

 " _Mabalin a nalidem wenno narimat ti biag, Kas mainugot iti panirigan_." Eugenio, p. 284.

 Wm. Theodore De Bary, general editor, _Sources of Indian Tradition,_ (Columbia: Columbia University Press, 1958), p. 56.

 (See back cover) Lena Maria, _Footnotes,_ translated by Lilla Fewster nee Sorman, Monarch Books, 2000).

 Mead, p. 428.

 Mike Riddell, _Sacred Journey,_ (Sandy Lane West, Oxford, England: Lion Publishing plc, 2000), p. 158.

 " _Y baggui makkafi, y aya ari manguhi_." Eugenio, p. 303.

 Dr. James Dobson, _Complete Marriage and Family Home Reference Guide,_ (Manila: OMF Literature, Inc., 2001), p. 322

 Louanne Cole, "How to be a More Sensual Lover," _Readers Digest, November 1991._

 Dobson, p. 323.

 William Shakespeare, Sonnet 105, _The Complete Works of Shakespeare_ , (New York: Avenel Books, Crown Publishers, 1975), p. 1208.

 Christina Georgina Rosetti: " _From House to House_ in Mead, p. 323.

 " _Ang kalisod usa lang ka pahinumdum; Ang kagul-anan usa lang ka pagdag-um_ , Eugenio, p. 478.

 Charles Kingsley, "St. Maura," in Mead, p. 323.

 Tournier, p. 177.

 Gary Collins, _Christian Counselling: A Comprehensive Guide_ , revised and expanded edition, (Milton Keynes: Word Publishing, 1988), p. 339.

 Evelyn Miranda-Feliciano, excerpts from "Wellness in spite of Pain" in "Beauty for Ashes," (column), _Patmos,_ Vol. 19, No. 1. p. 34-35.

 Dorothy Clarke Wilson, _Ten Fingers for God_ : The Life and Works of Dr. Paul Brand. Foreword by Phillip Yancey. (Oregon: Paul Brand Publishing, 1983).

 Tournier, p. 184.

 John Wyatt, _Matters of Life and Death_ with introduction by John Stott, (Leicester, England: IVP Press, 1998), p. 176.

 cited in Wyatt, p. 71.

 John Newton, "Amazing Grace," _The Celebration Hymnal_ , p. 342.

 Glen Van Ekeren, editor, _Words for All Occasions_ , New York: Prentice Hall, 1988, p. 44.

 _Si quires del mundo gozar, Ver, oir, y callar._ " in Eugenio, p. 154.

 Tournier, p. 161.

 Arthur Gordon "Return to Wonder" in Points to Ponder, _Reader 's Digest_, (December 1997), p. 115.

 Alzina Stone Dale, _The Outline of Sanity: a Life of G.K. Chesterton_ (Grand Rapids, Michigan: William B. Eerdmans Publishing Company, 1982), p. 31.

 Jerry F. Esplanada "Life Begins at 85 for this Grand Old Man of Philippine Politics" in _Sunday Inquirer_ , (December 11, 2005), p. 5.

 in Van Eckeren, p. 266.

 _The Autobiography of Bertrand Russell_ , Toronto: Little Brown and Company by George Allen and Unwin Ltd.: 1967), p. 290.

 Anonymous, in _Six Centuries of Great Poetry_ edited by Robert Penn Warren and Albert Erskine, New York: Dell First Edition, 1955, p. 77.

 " _Panakot ka saguna, lipatani ka su nangaipos. N 'do dika panganay o ip'g-kagilek su mawna_." Eugenio, p. 154.

 Quoted in Billy Graham's _Facing Death and the Life After_ , (Waco, Texas: Word Incorporated, 1987, p. 17.

 in Mead, p. 102.

 Tournier, p. 190.

 in Mead, p. 101.

 Ibid, p. 105.

 Luis Gatmaitan, _Salamat Po, Doctor_ , Pasig: Anvil Publishing Incorporated, 1997, p. 182.

 Wyatt, p. 204.

 Ibid, p. 204.

 Graham, p. 197.

 Horatius Bonar, "Beyond the Smiling and the Weeping," in _12,000 Inspirational_ , p. 98.

 " _Magayam ittam labbi / Ta kegga na tiempo baddi, kapanawan gamma noka / Nu kuwan na Dios y ikaya na_." Eugenio, p. 154.

 Thomas Keating, _Open Mind, Open Heart_ , (Rockport, Massachusetts: Element Inc., 1996), p. 13.

 Lorraine Kisly, editor _Ordinary Graces_ , (New York: Bell Tower, 2000), p. 71.

 Kathleen Norris, _Amazing Grace,_ (Oxford: A Lion Handbook 1998), p. 365.

 Quoted in Kisly, p. 88.

 Ibid.

81. _Nobody 's Child_ published by OMF Literature in 1998, translated and published in Filipino as _Abigail_ in 2000.

# ABOUT THE AUTHOR

Evelyn Miranda-Feliciano was one of the pioneering and most respected Christian authors in the Philippines. She received awards (including a Catholic Mass Media Award) and was recognized in Christian and literary circles worldwide. She passed away in 2010. Her writing career spanned 40 years and produced nearly 30 books and countless articles, radio scripts, poems, and other literature. Among her books published by OMF Literature are:

**O THER BOOKS BY EVELYN MIRANDA-FELICIANO**

**BEYOND THE HONEYMOON** _(co-written with David Feliciano)_

ISBN 971-511-657-4

**FILIPINO VALUES AND OUR CHRISTIAN FAITH**

ISBN 971-511-577-2

**IBA 'T-IBANG PAHIRAP, PUNIT-PUNIT NA PANGARAP**

ISBN 971-511-738-4

**LOVE AND COURTSHIP**

ISBN 971-511-456-3

**LOVE, SEX, AND MARRIAGE**

ISBN 971-511-579-9

**NGAYON AT KAILANMAN**

_(Filipino translation of Love, Sex, and Marriage)_

ISBN 971-511-536-5

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