With Marvel modernizing Spider-Man as much as they did in Homecoming,
I wonder what J. Jonah Jameson and the Daily Bugle will look like.
*fantasy cross fading to dream sequence*
[Matt pretending to be J.J.]
We have LITERAL aliens attacking us from the skies,
blonde guys claiming to be gods,
and the Jolly Green Giant running amuck.
And you wanna expect me to start trusting Spider-Man?
We have footage of him fighting members from the Avengers.
Speaking of the Avengers by the way,
YOU TOO can have the strength of an Avenger with "J. Jonah's Joint Juice".
Organic, all-natural, and most importantly, all American.
(Except for all that stuff we imported from China)
Only $19.99 a case, buy it now!
(Game Theory intro)
(Now back to your regularly scheduled MatPat)
Hello Internet!
Welcome to Game Theory!
Where, let's be honest, in the world of Marvel,
conspiracy theory shows like ours would be HUGE!
Between superhero billionaires, alien threats, and masked vigilantes,
can you IMAGINE the questions that would be running through everyone's heads?
"Who ARE these people?" "What are their goals?"
"Am I myself in danger?"
And there we'd be. Conspiracy Theory!
Every week picking apart the evidence, revising our guesses, and ultimately trying to expose who these people are!
It'd be like the Purple Guy mystery all over again, except in real life!
And without all that messy serial killer nonsense.
Sadly, I can't bring my dead memes and half-baked theories to the Marvel masses, but they get something even better:
J.
J. Jonah
J. Jonah Jameson
You see, a few weeks ago,
I started looking into Spider-Man's iconic newspaper, The Daily Bugle, for a script.
But, then the new Spider-Man game came out.
And now I just can't un-hear J. Jonah screaming,
"He's a menace to the entire city!"
"I WANT SPIDER-MAAAAAAN!!"
And what started out as a Film Theory on journalistic ethics, became this:
A script all about how J. Jonah is UNDOUBTEDLY,
the single biggest hero of this PS4 exclusive game.
You heard me right.
Biggest hero,
in a game,
featuring Spider-Man.
Now sure, JJJ may not seem like the most ethical guy at first,
seemingly driven only by the desire to sell more issues.
Or I suppose in this new game, get more people to download his podcast?
[J.J.]
Welcome to Just the Facts with J Jonah Jameson.
[MatPat]
And the way he goes about this might seem at first a bit under-handed.
By bad-mouthing the good deeds of our friendly neighborhood Spider-Man.
[J.J.]
I know all I need to about Spider-Man.
He runs around causing chaos.
Wearing a mask so he doesn't have to answer for his shenanigans,
in a flashy costume so he gets attention, to feed his gigantic, insatiable ego.
[MatPat]
But when you stop, and actually look at what's happening in the story,
J Jonah not only proves himself to be ethical,
he might just be the ONLY person with a solid head on his shoulders in this universe.
Even if that does mean slandering good old Spidey.
[J.J.]
I resent that. Slander is spoken. In print, it's libel.
[MatPat]
Yeah, I know it is JJ. In the new game, you have a conspiracy radio show.
"Slander" here, is the accurate term.
So get ready! Because today we're covering all the news that's fit to print for this new game.
So if you haven't finished webbing up every last baddie in town,
this is your last chance to escape before you get tangled up in a web o' spoilers.
Now, first and foremost, if you haven't played the game yet, I HIGHLY recommend it.
Even if you don't have a PS4,
I bet you got some friends who go to sleep early and have lackluster security systems.
*sped up*
Game Theory does not condone breaking into a friend's house to play a game.
*sped up*
At no point should you learn your friend's brand of security system,
*sped up*
Google its reset security protocol, invite yourself over for a casual play sesh
*sped up*
to only disappear off to the bathroom under the guise of "squeezing one off",
*still sped up*
to İnstead use said default code to reset the system and program in your own code, thereby
*still sped up*
gaining control over the house, only to subsequently return later in the evening to play the game.
*finally back to regular speed*
Here's what you need to know:
At the beginning of the game,
Peter Parker's been Spider-Manning it up for about eight years and, he's seen his fair share of supervillains.
Electro, The Scorpion, Rhino, and Vulture are all sitting behind bars.
Peter no longer works for the Daily Bugle,
but instead has himself a job working for Dr. Otto Octavius.
A brilliant scientist whose fate is immediately obvious from the first second you see him in the game.
[Otto]
It's fine Parker. I invented this equipment, I think I can handle it.
One poor equipment check later and there's a power malfunction,
which in turn results in Mayor Norman Osborn cutting funding for Doc Ock's project.
Hmmmm, that couldn't lead to the creation of a new supervillain, could it???
(Spoiler: It does exactly that, but we all knew that.)
(Narrator kind of voice)
MEANWHILE...ACROSS TOWN!
Aunt May is working for a man named Martin Lee,
a philanthropist who's working on a charity project who, surprise surprise,
also happens to be a supervillain waiting to happen.
When Spider-Man arrests the crime baron Wilson Fisk, aka Kingpin,
it creates a power vacuum in the city that's too large to ignore.
Lee, now the supervillain Mr. Negative,
unleashes an army of demons upon the city.
And Spider-Man goes out there to clean them up.
And just when you think he's done it,
Doc Ock reappears, now thoroughly insane, and releases all the other supervillains that Spider-Man had captured.
Oh yeah, and he also unleashes a super virus known as Devil's Breath.
So, I'd say there's a lot going on in New York during the course of this game.
But through it all, one voice cuts through: J Jonah Jameson.
[J.J.]
Keep a close eye on that barista with the man bun making your skinny latte!
[MatPat]
Alright, so Jameson is easy to paint as a minor villain in the Spider-Man universe.
Since we see the world from Peter Parker's point of view,
Jameson appears to be a rage-fueled fear mongerer
who's lookin' to sell more papers and get more listeners,
by spreading lies through his clickbait-y stories and tinfoil hat Anti-Spider-Man conspiracies.
He CLEARLY has a vendetta against the webslinger!
[J.J.]
Just imagine what sort of DEVIENT personality would dress up like that in the first place.
A WEBBED PERVERT WALKS AMONG US!!
[MatPat]
Meanwhile, in Spider-Man's stories and, particularly in this game,
we know that Spider-Man is good.
We see his struggles and his tough moral choices.
So Jameson taking pictures of him just to slander his good name is disgusting, and exploitative, and disingenuous.
Especially for someone who supposedly claims that he's a journalist with integrity.
And tells his audience that he reports the news.
[Jared, J.J.'s assistant/intern]
This is "Just The Facts With J. Jonah. Jameson",
where listeners like you discuss the issues affecting our city,
with Pulitzer Prize winning-
[J.J]
-Two time!
[Jared]
-Two time Pulitzer Prize winning former publisher of The Daily Bugle-
[J.J]
Hey! Plug the book!
[MatPat]
But, if we stop looking at the world from Spider-Man's point of view,
and instead from an outsider looking in,
Jameson isn't actually all that bad.
Let's start by addressing Jameson's main claim: that Spider-Man is a villain.
From our near omniscient worldview in these stories,
Spider-man does seem like an obvious hero.
Saving people from fires, punching out bad guys, getting all romantic with the lady folk.
We also know that he's just a young nerdy kid with the best of intentions, but then look at this.
(Clips of finishers from the game and other ways Spider-Man takes out some of the guys you fight in-game.)
OOF! Did you see that kick to the guy's lower back?
And how is body just FOLDS OVER in response?
Being slammed FORCEFULLY into the pavement and landing on your head and neck?
Pretty sure that's gonna be fatal or, at the VERY least paralyze him.
Swinging around a riot shield like that?!
That is a ballistic riot shield that weighs in at around 16 to 20 pounds, and Spider-Man is just CLUBBING people with it!
Even if these are criminals, think about the injuries they must have when they're being arrested.
Debilitating injuries! Lifelong Injuries!
Does that really instill heroic confidence in the guy who captured them?
[J.J.]
It is not HELPING,
when a vigilante leaps into the middle of a crime scene or emergency situation,
WITH NO TRAINING, EXPERTISE, OR PUBLIC IDENTITY!!
What if he INJURES someone?
Who holds HIM accountable?!
[MatPat]
That's really the problem with masked vigilantes, isn't it?
That's the whole reason the MCU tackled the Sokovia Accords back in Civil War.
To ask the question of "What happens when you hold heroes accountable for their actions?".
I mean, think about this way.
Remember how the public in Batman V. Superman got all up in arms about Batman literally branding criminals?
(Marvel: 1, DC: 0)
Well, here's Spider-Man actively breaking faces, necks, and limbs.
What else could J. Jonah think?
While everyone is looking at Spider-Man like he's a hero,
J. Jonah is right to question the mental stability of someone who puts themselves in harms way to fight crime,
and then the criminals he captures come back on the verge of death!
And when Spider-Man openly says stuff like this:
[Spider-Man]
Morning guys!
Who's ready for their hot fresh cup of bodily harm?
[MatPat]
It doesn't inspire much confidence.
Especially in a universe where a regular guy dressed as Spider-Man is able to cause injuries like this:
[Spider-Man]
My doppelganger's got some skills. This one'll need painkillers for a few days, but should be fine.
Jameson is even trying to make Spider-Man a better hero.
He suggests numerous times throughout the game that Spider-Man get proper police training and a badge,
so he can play by the same rules as other law enforcement.
[J.J.]
If you caused the kind of damage he does, what would happen?
[Caller]
I'd be doing paperwork until the day I retire...
and probably riding a desk too.
[J.J.]
And why my dear friend should YOU have to follow these rules,
and not him?
[MatPat]
Because...let's be honest here.
It doesn't seem like the police in this game appreciate the help that Spider-Man's delivering.
Saying repeatedly throughout various missions:
(What're you doing down here? Read the screen!)
Speaking of not being a help to police, Spider-Man seems to be creating more problems than he's solving.
In the mission "Internet Famous",
the social media icon "Screwball" LITERALLY kidnaps someone
just to get footage of ol' webhead to be a part of the livestream!
[Screwball]
The final matrix barcode will give you the location of a
-wait for it-
(Elongated gasp)
kidnapping victim!
[MatPat]
To help her in her quest against Spider-Man, her fans actively plant bombs across the city's rooftops.
[Screwball]
Some of my fans decided to bring you a little care package!
You might wanna grab those fast, people could get hurt!
[MatPat]
Then you have the TaskMaster who's leaving all kinds of bombs and challenges around the city to test Peter.
[TaskMaster]
Can you stop the bombs I've planted?
[MatPat]
And even when Spider-Man IS trying to solve the city's issues,
he's creating more problems than he's solving!
For example, in the mission "Under Pressure," one building's water pressure is too high.
And it's up to Spider-Man to pull a "Bob the Builder" and fix it.
He tries by releasing a particular valve, but instead of solving the issue,
it causes other water tanks around the city to burst!
[Spider-Man]
That.. shouldn't have happened.
I better seal these fast before Jameson pins it on me.
[MatPat]
(chuckling) Uum..excuse me?
Why WOULDN'T Jameson pin it in you?
You LITERLLY just caused it to happen!!
And what, pray tell, was the underlying cause this entire time?
Oh. A clogged. Sewer.
That's it.
So what started as a simple issue in one building became a citywide problem thanks to Spider-Man.
Which means that Jameson is entirely right when he claims on his radio show,
[Jameson]
He was seen earlier messing with a valve,
that only qualified workers are supposed to use!
[MatPat]
And that's without me even mentioning the fact that canonically Spiderman's webbing only lasts for an hour.
A fact which means that all those water tank patches he made with his webbing will be leaking in a matter of hours!
Something that even HE admits in the game!
[Spidey]
Last one. But those won't hold long.
While many of the papers are quick to report on Spider-Man's successes,
they often miss what Jameson is so quick to point out:
That many of the issues that Spiderman solves, are CAUSED by Spiderman in the first place.
[Jameson]
But look at the big picture...
do you have these kind of crimes in Edina?
[Caller]
Oh, certainly not.
[Jameson]
And do you have SPIDERMAN in Edina?
[Caller]
Uh....n-no.
[Jameson]
And THAT, is NOT a coincidence!
[MatPat]
No, it is certainly NOT a coincidence, JJ.
Because for as ridiculous as the game tries to make J. Jonah's anti-Spiderman rants,
LITERALLY everything that happens in this game, is a direct result of Spiderman's actions.
Spiderman taking down crime lord Wilson Fisk at the top of the game,
is EXACTLY what Martin Li was waiting for to enact his plan against the city.
As Li writes in his own journal, quote,
"Wilson Fisk has been arrested. I can barely believe it.
The day I've planned for- dreamed of- is finally here..."
And what began as a bunch of common mob thugs working for the Kingpin,
suddenly gets replaced by Mr. Negative's legion of super powered demon people!
And honestly, it shouldn't be all that surprising.
(Slap)
And honestly, it shouldn't be all that surprising.
History has shown time and again that an upheaval of organized crime can result in periods of extreme and deadly violence.
For example,
following the death of Pablo Escobar, the richest criminal in history,
a Columbian drug lord who's cartel supplied nearly 80% of the cocaine smuggled into the United States,
giving him a net worth of 50 billion dollars,
Columbia descended into a period of chaos.
Attorney Peter Vincent described the situation. Quote,
"Every time a major leader, or any sort of transnational criminal organization, gets taken out of the game,
there's a vacuum that's created, and nature abhors a vacuum.
There were literally hundreds of dead bodies as individuals tried through sheer force of power and murder,
to establish their bonafides as the next generation of leaders." Endquote.
It's something that Fisk knows,
[Fisk]
"Idiot! I'M the one who kept ORDER in this city!"
[MatPat]
It's something that J. Jonah knows,
[J. Jonah]
We're gonna have a gang war in the streets,
but does that webheaded moron give a damn?
Of course not!
[MatPat]
It's something that anyone who's interested in taking a part in law enforcement in a major city should know,
but Spider-Man?
but Spider-Man? Nahhh.
He's out there to solve the crimes.
Not deal with the messy political ramifications that come as a result of it.
J. Jonah might not realize it,
but Spider-Man is ALSO at fault for unleashing Doctor Octopus.
Peter Parker helps Doctor Octavius invent this incredibly dangerous prosthetic,
then doesn't show up to work on time.
[Peter]
I'm sorry I'm late.
[MatPat]
Resulting in it's catastrophic failure, and Otto's loss of funding.
[Osborn]
The grand agreement you signed has strict safety provisions.
This isn't your first violation.
[MatPat]
And why was Peter late?
Oh yeah. Because he was too busy Spider-Man-ing it up.
Which creates both Mr. Negative, Doc Ock, and the rest of the city's supervillains set free.
Now even if Jameson might have a point about Spider-Man being a threat,
you could argue that Jameson is still biased.
And, you wouldn't be wrong there.
But interestingly enough, the Society of Professional Journalists' code of ethics,
doesn't strictly abhor bias.
So long as it's properly disclosed.
A secret agenda would be misleading the public.
Like say if Jameson were actually being payed by Oscorp to dehumanize Spider-Man.
But he's clearly not.
[Jameson]
I realize Norman Osborn claimed he was stepping back from running Oscorp when he was elected.
But has he?
Or is he using his office, his public trust, to enrich himself beyond imagining?
Has his greed endangered us all?
[MatPat]
He even goes through great lengths to distance himself from Osborn when Osborn comes on Just the Facts.
[Jameson]
Well that's my JOB, Mr. Mayor.
All I have is my integrity.
And I won't compromise it for anyone.
[MatPat]
Jameson even goes through great lengths to disclose other biases he might have.
Such as reporting about Scorpion.
[Jameson]
I want to address the matter...
of the Scorpion.
I paid for the procedure that empowered him.
It's not my fault the treatments drove him crazy.
It's that Ivory Tower elite scientist-
He didn't take proper precaution!
[MatPat]
And true to his journalistic integrity,
Jameson will even admit when Spider-Man does something right.
[Jameson]
I'm not saying he never does ANYTHING good.
I'm saying he CAUSES more problems than he SOLVES.
[Matpat]
Which means that Jameson is doing his journalistic diligence.
In fact, he's the ONLY one standing up for the common people of New York.
When Mr. Osborn calls in Sable,
a private security firm that jails innocent civilians and takes militaristic control over the city,
[Spider-Man]
Come on! Demons and escaped prisoners on the loose and you're arresting protesters?
[Matpat]
J. Jonah is there to call them out.
He's the one giving the voice to the voiceless by making the public aware of these issues.
[Caller]
They pointed their guns at me. Ran me off like a criminal!
[J. Jonah]
Caller, this is deeply disturbing to me.
I promise you, I'll bring it to the attention of the proper authorities.
Emergencies do not permit the suspension of human rights.
[MatPat]
The game makes triple J here seem like a conspiracy theory crackpot. (You do too sometimes Matt.)
But if you stop and look at his actions,
he's an incredibly stabilizing figure for New York.
A calming voice in times of actual crisis.
Even if that calming voice is shouting at the top of his lungs.
[Jameson]
I know times are hard and we're all struggling,
but if you see someone who needs help, do what you can.
We must pull together, or fall apart.
Jared, write that down! That was a good one! (Indeed)
[MatPat]
When a massive virus outbreak causes Manhattan to come under quarantine,
Jameson doesn't toss around blame and throw a tantrum because he can't escape the city,
he rather contacts the National Disease Center and tries to reassure the frightened citizens.
[Jameson]
The NDC is doing what they can.
If they're busy dealing with outbreaks all over the country, or the world,
That's less time they have to work on the anti-serum.
I know it's hard to trust anyone these days,
but you've always been able to trust me to tell it like it is, and I am telling you now:
Do not violate the quarantine.
Stay in your homes. Take care of your families.
I'll be right here, facing it with ya.
We're New Yorkers. We can handle anything.
[MatPat]
Not exactly what you'd expect from the guy who's usually screaming about "THE LOOMING THREAT",
when everyone else seems peaceful.
But that's who Jameson is.
He's the voice that gives the people what they need.
Whether that'd be comfort, or an icy cold wakeup call.
[Jameson]
Your elected officials may not be willing to fight for you,
but J. Jonah Jameson IS!
[MatPat]
Spider-Man is generally seen to be the hero of the stories,
and J. Jonah is, at best, a comedic blowhard.
[Jameson]
Crap.
Crap. Crap.
Crap. Crap. Mega crap.
I'll give you 200 bucks for all of them.
[MatPat]
And at worst, a greedy sleaze ball.
But in Spider-Man for the PS4, it's clear that he's the hero that New York needs.
His voice loudly protesting against the breakdown of the fabric of society.
Reminding people to stay vigilant in these trying times.
You may not agree with him because you see things that he couldn't possibly know,
But when it comes down to it, Jameson is a vital part of Spider-Man's world.
Pushing this hero to be better, do better,
and THAT, is perhaps the most heroic thing that any normal civilian could do.
BUT HEY!!
That's just a theory!
A Game Theory!!
Thanks for watching! (And enjoying my subtitles!)
While we're on the subject of journalistic integrity and superheroes,
go over to Film Theory to see what I have to say about the Daily Planet and their "star reporters".
The so-called defenders of truth, justice and the American way.
And while you're at it, make sure that you're subscribed to both Game Theory and Film Theory.
I mean this was a LONG episode and you made it to the very end,
which means that you must like the content that we're producing, so please.
Take the time. Subscribe. (It's well worth it!)
I'll really appreciate it, it really does make a difference here.
And heck! It's gonna make a difference in what you watch, because guess what.
We have a great Spider-Man Film Theory comin' up in a few weeks.
I really like it, it's about Spider-Man 2.
(Why Peter lost his powers out of nowhere.)
It is...a winner.
And of course, more on Game Theory, because,
you like games, you like nerding out,
you low-key like it when the hero is secretly the villain,
so make sure you subscribe.
Thank you guys so much for watching, and I will see you all, next week.
