- Hello, and welcome to Overboard,
Polygon's board game and tabletop show.
Today we are playing Superfight,
and we have a special guest.
This is Jacob Batalon.
- Hey, what's going on?
I'm really underwhelming, sorry.
I'm in Spider-Man: Far From Home.
(water exploding)
- What is that?
- I don't know.
- [Ned] What are you gonna do?
- I left my suit in the hotel room.
- Why?
- Because I'm on vacation, man.
- I'm really thankful for
you guys having me on.
Thank you so much, this
is very interesting.
I thought we were playing video games.
- We lied to a celebrity.
- No, it's totally fine.
- So you played Ned in Spider-Man,
which means you have
some expertise, I think,
on how superheroes work.
- Yeah, totally, kinda.
- You're gonna be able
to look at these cards
and know instinctively.
- I mean, you would think so.
- So, let's have our first two players go.
Draw cards.
- So, just randomly, right?
- Yes, three blacks, three white.
- Oh my God, this is so,
(group laughing)
- Ah, okay, I'm making a choice here.
- Do your best.
- I'm specifically not doing my best.
I'm playing wild card
right out of the gates.
- It'd be really kind if you guys
would do well for a
celebrity and let him win.
- I will not be playing that way.
(group laughing)
- Welcome to the meat grinder.
- Mine is a Spartan whose
bottom half is Google.
- And your additional power is,
- Armed with a catapult
and unlimited livestock.
- This is strong.
- Well, I chose Conan riding a broomstick.
- [Jenna] Ooh, that's a very strong combo.
- [Jacob] His hands are glued to his hips.
(group laughing)
- Explain to me, Jacob,
why this would beat Jenna.
- You got one minute on the clock.
- Well first of all, Conan is basically
like a mythical creature
on his own anyway,
so he can just jump off the
broom, even if his hand is like,
he can just jump off and land on people
and kill them instantly.
A Spartan that's half Google,
Spartans don't even know what Google is,
so you'd be wasting that person.
Conan will eat all the livestock
and cut the Spartan's
head off, or bite it off.
- I want to propose that he could
choke them with his thighs.
- Yes, he's huge, he's gigantic.
- Judges must be held back, Simone.
You can't tell the good things, Simone.
- You're overstepping your boundaries.
- No, say more.
- I'm so sorry, I resign as judge.
- Please say more things.
- Jenna, speak your piece.
- Here's my argument for Google Spartan.
Clearly a cyborg, and a
Spartan that's half Google
is also such 80s action movie energy,
like a Robocop style.
Armed with a catapult
and unlimited livestock.
Because Conan is broomstick-based,
and I've got the ultimate power
of math, 'cause of Google,
- But if he's constantly
moving, you can't get a precise,
- Time is up.
- Judges?
- Look, I could leave the show right now
if you guys don't want to choose me.
(group laughing)
- Already coming in to bribe the jury.
- Just so you know.
- I'm less convinced the Google means
that the Spartan is a cyborg.
I just assumed it was a search
page on the bottom half.
- And he's just trying to
type on his massive thighs
and he can't quite figure it out.
Also, I don't understand math.
- Can I just say I love the synergy
of a Spartan versus Conan.
- It's appropriate.
- It'd be a good movie.
- I'm voting for Conan,
because having your hands
glued to your hips is a power pose.
- Nice, it really is.
- So, one for Conan.
- I've read the works of Robert E. Howard
and I have seen Conan overcome
greater odds than this.
- Yes, yes, with Wilt Chamberlain.
- Simone, your vote
doesn't matter anymore,
but I want to know.
- It's also Conan.
- Yes!
Hey look, good job Jenna, good job.
- Pat, now you have to face Conan.
- Let's see it Pat, let's
see what your knowledge
of Conan's oeuvre will help
do to help you this time.
- It just occurred to me
that that's Conan O'Brien.
- No, it's not, no it's not.
It would say O'Brien.
- If you wanted it to be Conan O'Brien,
it could have been, but
he chose specifically.
- Was Conan O'Brien really
mean to fight off a Spartan,
come on.
Conan O'Brien's amazing though,
I want to be on your show, please.
But I'm saying come on, in a fight?
Come on.
- Please show him this clip
and make him air it on his show.
(group laughing)
- Oh shit, this is,
- Try to exactly take down Conan.
- I feel like this is a nice advantage
'cause you know what you've got coming.
It's not gonna save you.
- Yes, I know.
I'm just looking for, okay,
here we go, here we go.
So we've got Sherlock Holmes in a jet.
(group laughing)
And he has majestic flaming antlers
growing out of his head.
Here's the thing.
- I don't want to argue,
'cause that's obviously like,
Sherlock Holmes?
He's gonna beat the shit out of Conan.
- We want to hear the arguments.
- Yeah, I want to hear this.
- Pat, begin.
- Okay, Sherlock Holmes,
world's greatest detective,
he's gonna know Conan's weaknesses.
Conan, he's afraid of magic.
(suspenseful music)
That's one of the downsides
there, he is scared of magic.
To his Barbarian eyes,
a jet fighter is magic,
and then throw some flaming
antlers on there as well.
He's just gonna freeze up.
He's got his hands on his hips,
just like fox one, fox two.
- Do you have anything to
say back to this, Jacob?
- I mean, I can't,
I feel like technology
versus ancient things
is pretty tough.
- Unless that technology is Google.
- Which none of us know how it functions.
- If you can say it is crazy, so yeah.
- That's a minute, votes in.
- I'm sorry, I do vote for Sherlock Holmes
and the jet fighter.
- I'll give it up, man, God damn.
- Jet fighter V broom,
definitely jet fighter, I think.
- Just feels, yeah,
that's rough though, God.
- That's a point for Pat.
It's my turn?
- It felt good being on
top for a little bit.
It felt nice, it felt nice.
- You got something to fight
for now, which is good.
- I mean, now you get to
be in the judging seat,
which is where the real power is.
- Okay, great, because I'm
gonna talk so much nonsense.
This is great.
- All right, so the jet fighter
does make me a little bit worried,
which is why I have a T-Rex
that duplicates one opponent attribute,
which will be a jet fighter as well.
(Jenna laughing)
- Just like in Calvin and Hobbes.
- Exactly, and then
also, he's made of lava.
(group laughing)
So you might have flaming horns,
but when the whole body is lava.
- Well sir, may I ask,
what is the interior
of your jet fighter cockpit made out of?
- I imagine that if,
- Is it asbestos?
- If this T-Rex made of lava
can be in this jet fighter,
I'm assuming that this
is one of their powers,
and they'll be fine in there,
so it's a huge jet, first and foremost.
- I think you've put an oversized animal
in an undersized vehicle,
where the animal cannot
touch the controls.
- He can't reach it, yeah right.
- And he's got tiny, you can't reach it.
- Let me retaliate by
saying Sherlock Holmes
lives and dies by deduction,
and how can he logically
understand a T-Rex made of lava, okay?
- So he beats himself, oh my God.
- He would probably just shit himself.
- You're just blowing my mind right now.
- His brain explodes.
- Judges?
- Oh man, that's a lot to take in.
- Your arguments were both
compelling in a similar way.
- Personally, I don't think lava can die,
and this will come back
to bite me if Brian wins,
'cause I'm next, but I
think that I vote for lava,
but I'll let you guys have it.
- That's a really sound argument.
- Just, a T-Rex made of lava?
That's indestructible destruction.
- But if anyone could
destroy a thing made of lava,
it's Sherlock Holmes.
- Because he could figure it out.
But then he just said that
he only acts on deduction,
so if he deduces lava can't be beaten,
- I have to go with
Sherlock Holmes in this,
which makes you the tie breaker.
- The one who knows the most,
the friend of Spider-Man,
has to choose the better superhero now.
Who would you team up
with, is the question?
- Oh my God, oh my goodness, man.
Sherlock Holmes, but a T-Rex with,
but can the T-Rex touch the things though?
That's why I'm genuinely thinking like,
- I don't think it could.
- Physicality's a real question.
- Sherlock Holmes could
learn to fly a fighter plane.
A T-Rex,
- Is innately good at flying jets.
- If this dog fight is
taking place over the ocean,
perhaps he could turn the T-Rex
into stone, volcanic stone.
- Oh my God, this is
just getting more wild.
(quickly counting)
Oh, I chose the T-Rex.
- Good choice, good choice.
- I'm gonna regret this
choice, but here we go.
It is everyone at Burning Man,
(group laughing)
armed with a live T-Rex head on a stick,
which I'm gonna say everyone has one,
and they're all parading
their groomed trophies.
And they can also crawl up walls.
- [Group] Oh!
- Upsetting!
- This is the most terrifying
thing I've ever heard of.
- They are waving their heads.
- And they're all high
on drugs and everything.
- They're all so high.
They have probably those
floats, they ride floats, right?
- No, I mean, maybe.
I was gonna say no.
- I think they have animatronic statues.
The T-Rex should be horrified, I think,
of this wanton display of
murder against his kind.
- Normally I would argue that the T-Rex
is not cognizant enough to be afraid
of a bunch of T-Rex heads,
but I did say that he
could fly a fighter jet.
That kind of screws me over.
To argue this, I have to not be afraid
of this terrifying idea.
- They are so high, no self control.
- Normal people at
Burning Man frighten me,
so to have them in this situation,
the only thing I can say is that, again,
being in a fighter jet gives
me at least a little bit of,
they can't climb walls up to the jet.
- They are stacking themselves
on top of each other.
- Oh man, like some World War Z type shit.
Oh my God.
- Okay, that's a minute.
- That's really upsetting,
everything you've just done.
You make a great point
that there are no walls
for the wall crawling.
- Yeah, I'm gonna stay with T-Rex
and then I think we'll have
to see what Jacob gets.
- Yeah, 'cause I am on the
side of the Burning Men.
- The Burning Men?
- Yeah, it would have
to be the T-Rex, man,
just 'cause a bunch of
high, drugged up people
can definitely take you someplace,
but not the kind of place you want to go.
- I do think I'm digging my grave here
with this T-Rex though.
- You made it too smart.
- Yeah, the thing is,
every argument you make
is another metaphorical
card you've placed.
- So, a Velociraptor
that can control gravity.
(group shouting)
- The most perfect predator.
- And can't stop laughing.
- Oh no!
- I don't know how to begin this argument,
except why I basically won.
The bro can basically
just pull the plane down
to it and then, Velociraptor
versus T-Rex though,
that's also made out of lava.
- We've all seen Jurassic Park.
- But if I'm in a jet, then I crash.
I think there's a high
probability that's gonna do it.
- Especially if you crash into the ocean.
- Yes, and I'm sure the
Velociraptor has a big enough brain
to understand that lava
and water mean stone.
- They're very clever.
(Velociraptor hissing)
- [Brian] They're very clever.
(Velociraptor roaring)
- Yeah, and then basically, yeah,
it can't stop laughing at the T-Rex
'cause it killed the T-Rex.
- Well, if it can't stop laughing,
it's laughing the entire
time I'm dive bombing.
That's terrifying, too.
That's also very scary.
- Like a villainous cackle, like ah-ha-ha.
- I don't love this as a
superhero, but it is very powerful.
Again, how do I submit it?
I can't argue anymore.
- Yes, let's go!
- There's nothing you can
do, I'm sorry, obviously.
- I want to flip a coin.
- No, you don't have to,
I'm voting for this one.
- Yeah, we've already made a decision.
- All right, it's been nice
being on top for a bit.
- That felt like some
Game of Thrones type shit,
I just dethroned this dude.
- Here's my hope as your new opponent,
that you've specialized into
taking down this creature
so much that you've left
a lot of flakes out there.
- Yeah, now I'm just
focused on the, damn it.
- This is how Game of
Thrones happened, right?
- I was gonna speak some Game
of Thrones verbiage right now,
but I don't know if that's
appropriate right now.
- I think it is appropriate,
our audience love that shit.
- All right, well I basically
stabbed up Daenerys.
- When her dragon picked her up,
did you think it was gonna eat her?
- No, I didn't know what
the fuck he was gonna do.
- Nobody's on my side here.
- You wanted him to eat her?
- No, I thought he was gonna,
like how a cat eats you if you die.
- Oh my God, that is really morbid.
(group laughing)
- Now on that light note.
- I'm definitely depressed about life now,
I don't know what to say.
- This is another wildcard
situation, 'cause nothing I had,
it was obviously a match,
so I'm hoping that the cards
will bless me with my sumo wrestler
who can blow 200 mile per hour winds,
and is in a helicopter.
- Yes, yes, yes!
- Your only weakness.
- Is there wind in space?
- No.
- It's a vacuum, so I wouldn't think so.
- By definition, space is.
- Jenna, I guess you get the
first bid here on explaining.
- Jenna, you can just give up.
- I can't.
- Gravity?
- No, wind can counteract gravity,
that's how seed dispersal
works, but it isn't gonna work.
Here's the question, will
200 mile per hour winds,
I think 200 mile per hour winds
is enough to defeat gravity
because that's what tornadoes are,
and tornadoes would
fuck up a Velociraptor.
- Even if there was a helicopter.
- And my sumo is sturdy.
He has big lungs and can
blow this Velociraptor,
no matter how much you
can control gravity.
- But, hmm.
- The seed dispersal
argument is compelling.
- I am gonna vote for this one, because,
- Because of the helicopter thing?
- In the helicopter, those
200 mile an hour winds,
you can't fly in that.
- Yeah.
- Also, you're a sumo
wrestler in the helicopter.
That's gonna be a hard sell.
- It's not a great combo.
- The helicopter is compelling.
- I think you were
grounded by the helicopter.
- Yeah, that's fair.
Really, my wildcard
strategy is not paying off
like I'd hoped it would.
- All right, well that's house Jenna down.
- None of these are useful, oh Jesus.
- This is gonna be a good run,
this is gonna be a good run.
- So we got the Mario
Brothers, which is good,
- Yeah, powerful.
- They could just ride a Velociraptor.
- A history of defeating reptiles.
- But literally the best
power I had available to me
was that their clothes were way too big.
(group laughing)
- It's just the Mario
Brother in some JNCOs.
- Oh man.
- And their wildcard power,
they're also on skis.
- See, now it's just unfair.
- I desperately want to hear you argue it.
- Okay, here we go.
What's a skier's greatest ally?
- Gravity.
- But he can control it and not,
- Fine.
(group laughing)
- Their large clothes would create
an illusive target on themselves.
The raptor might go after
what the raptor thinks
is a weak spot, it's actually
just a bundle of cloth.
Uh, and that's, yeah.
- Do you have any rebuttals?
- You know, honestly, I kind of just,
I mean, no.
(group laughing)
- Just not feeling the need.
- I'm so sorry.
- I want to point out that
this can't stop laughing
has proved less to be a power
and more just an inevitability
with both of your things.
- He's basically just
flexing on everybody.
- Yeah, again, this one still wins again.
- We all learned something from him.
- I mean, the cards speak for themselves.
- This is gonna take some,
- Finagling.
- Yeah, but my superhero is a
child's beauty pageant queen
who can run 200 miles per hour,
but only in a straight line.
- Yeah, okay.
- And she can't stop dancing.
(group laughing)
- She's just doing the running man.
- Here is my theory, okay?
Obviously, a Velociraptor to every human
is a pretty scary thing,
but just one of them
who can't stop laughing,
everyone can hear this
Velociraptor all the time.
If I was a child pageant queen,
that means I have a lot of charisma,
and I'm constantly dancing.
And if I see that Velociraptor,
I'm booking it in a straight line
to the nearest adult store, okay?
Where there are a lot of
people who are ready to help me
as a child pageant queen,
who are charmed by my dances.
- You said something there.
- The adults that are there,
they are ready to fight the
Velociraptor in my stead.
That's my thought, like a child queen,
I can insist that other
people do my bidding for me.
- 'Cause adults traditionally
love child beauty pageants.
- If they don't like me,
I'll run to the next adult store, okay?
- Can you just not say adult store?
Can you say regular store
instead of adult store?
- A store where adults are.
- I do insist that that's what I mean.
- I don't buy it, I'm sorry.
It was a tough sell and you
tried hard, but I don't buy it.
- Yeah, at best what you've described
is a stand still, ironically.
- I guess what you described is a reason
that I can't stop laughing.
So I vote for still the Velociraptor.
- Man, this is nice, this is a nice run.
- Jacob's got a big lead.
- Let's keep going.
- I believe in you, Simone.
- I do, too.
- Do something better than what I did.
- All right, I'm mixing
and matching my piles.
- Put your faith in
the heart of the cards.
- You know, I'm actually
hoping that someone does win.
Like genuinely, I like winning,
but I also like seeing other people win.
- That's nice.
- I'm just getting good
press on myself in there.
- All right, okay.
What we've got here is a
vampire who can read minds
on a pogo stick.
- On a pogo stick.
- Why do I keep getting vehicles?
- Gravity's a bigger benefit
than I thought it would be.
- I feel like the gravity is OP.
But this vampire, even glued to the ground
on this pogo stick that will not jump
because you control gravity
is saying so many mean things,
is accessing the
Velociraptor's insecurities
and saying them just mercilessly,
because the vampire doesn't
really have much sympathy
for other living things.
- Ohh, but can the Velociraptor understand
what he's saying, what the
vampire's saying to him?
- Yes.
(Jacob laughing)
Here's my argument.
It's your character, but
he's my mind reading.
If the Velociraptor can
have a sense of humor,
can understand the concept
of a child beauty queen,
then the Velociraptor
can have insecurities.
- He has a human brain, then.
Oh, see, that's interesting.
- I have seen Vlad the Impaler.
- Nice.
- Nosferatu.
I've seen them levitate
out of their graves.
- [Group] Ohh.
- This is an established thing
that we know about the vampires.
- Gravity does not affect them.
- But if the vampire
bites the Velociraptor,
that's a vampire Velociraptor
so that's a double double.
- I could just drain the
Velociraptor of the blood.
- Ohh, that's a good one too.
- I'm gonna go with the vampire,
because reading minds is
too powerful, I think.
- I think it's the
laughing is what gets me,
'cause there's something happening
in that Velociraptor's brain.
- Obviously he's thinking, yeah.
Damn, damn it.
- Pat, are you on the vampire side?
- I concur.
- I think we just established
that the mind is stronger than gravity.
- [Brian] Don't quote us on that.
- Polygon says, the mind
is stronger than gravity.
All right, someone take me out.
- So, I chose Bruce Lee
throwing ninja stars, okay?
And please be something lit.
Inside a giant hamster ball.
- Those stars aren't going to do anything.
Jacob, go ahead, argue for it.
- Okay, so hear me out.
This is gonna be a really crazy one.
So, this hamster ball basically
has a thing that opens up
while he's throwing ninja
stars, and it's also a shield,
so the vampire can't
necessarily get to Bruce,
and Bruce may not be able to
beat a vampire on his own,
but he's Bruce Lee.
If anybody had a chance to
kill a creature like a vampire,
it would be him, you know?
- How does he kill the vampire?
- The ninja stars are wood.
And there's garlic on
the ninja stars as well,
he dipped them in garlic.
And he traps him into this warehouse.
- He can throw the ninja
stars through the windows.
- Exactly, then more light will come in
and he's basically just ash at that point.
- My vampire tirelessly
bouncing on his pogo stick
is very difficult to hit.
Bruce Lee should probably be in the room.
- That's a good one.
- That being said, if
anyone is agile enough
to throw ninja stars through
a hole in a hamster ball,
it's probably Bruce Lee.
- I think I might still go vampire,
just because of the reading minds thing.
- He's like, you're actually dead.
- But Bruce Lee is like a G.
He's mediative and calm in his core.
- His mind is a fortress.
- Bruce Lee is the least shakable
human that has ever lived.
- If anything, the talking
shit would force him
to kill him even harder, you know?
Like, motivate him to beat him even more.
- I've seen so many Bruce Lee movies,
and he wins and kills
everyone in every single one.
- Not even with fighting,
but with the mental,
you know what I mean?
He really shakes you with
the whole I'm water thing.
- You two.
- I have to go with Bruce.
- Hey look, they're letting me win
'cause I'm a celebrity,
apparently, so that's nice.
- I feel like it was pretty
obvious with these two
that that was not a letting you win.
- We've had a raw deal on these cards.
Okay, one more round with
Jenna, and then we will call it.
- We'll tally up the votes
to see who won the most.
- Yes!
- I've done it again, y'all,
'cause I chose a mummy.
Draw and play two random
attributes from the deck.
- Oh no.
- Please be, oh God.
- In an invisible jet.
- Oh!
- That can change into a,
- Oh my goodness!
- Meatloaf.
- Is that the man or the,
- Well here's the thing,
it says a meatloaf,
so I think we have to
assume it's a loaf of meat.
- I'm sorry, go ahead
and draw that final card.
- 50 of them.
- Yeah, yeah!
- So there's 50 mummies
in 50 invisible jets.
- I mean, if we apply it
mathematically this way,
it means that they turn
into 50 meatloaves.
- That's a good point.
My point is that this is
the separate additional card
that's on top of all this,
can change into a meatloaf.
Not Meatloaf the man,
not Meatloaf the legend.
- My question is, do you think Bruce Lee
could handle 50 meatloaves?
- I'm just saying.
- Meatloaves, he sure could.
- But can mummies use jets, though?
- Uh, if the the T-Rex could.
(group laughing)
- There is a precedent.
- Listen, here's the thing.
I can change to a meatloaf at will.
I've opted not to.
- I can see the invisible
jet putting the hamster ball
in a bad situation, and
I think that if Bruce Lee
were trapped in the hamster ball,
it would be disastrous for him.
- Okay, yeah, he could
be drifting out to sea.
- Here's what I'm thinking.
You got that hamster ball rolling along.
You got a fighter jet.
One mummy piloting 49
mummies as meatloaves
in the bomber compartment, open that up,
one of those is gonna fall
into the ball with Bruce Lee,
turn back into a mummy.
You got several mummies
in your personal space.
I think this is strong.
- Okay, we've run out of time.
I think Patrick's gambit just
sold me on mummy meatloaf.
- It sold me on it.
- I also have to vote mummy, sorry.
- So one point to Jenna.
(group laughing)
Shall I go ahead and read this out?
We have tied for third, it's
Jenna, Pat and Simone at one.
I'm coming in at a rousing two points,
and then at six, that would be Jacob.
So Jacob has proved himself
as the most knowledgeable
about what good superheroes should be.
- I mean, I'm not trying to
flex, but I kind of just did.
- As the winner, you have
gained the ability to tell us
where we can see your movie in theaters.
- All right, well,
Spider-Man: Far From Home
comes out in theaters
July second worldwide.
Wait, domestically, sorry.
Domestically, worldwide,
July second, hit it up.
- I am so excited.
- Thank you, everyone.
This has been Overboard.
Thank you.
(upbeat music)
