Bartenders of Reddit, what is the strangest
conversation you've ever overheard because
people assume sound doesn't travel over the
bar?
A customer is on the phone in the middle of
the bar, not too crowded but a long bar.
Guy couldn't have been more than 25.
I go to help someone at the end of the bar
and on my way back I overhear:
"No, I don't care!
She's my sister, she is *THIRTEEN* and there
is no reason she should be doing cocaine!
At all!"
Gave him a few drinks on the house that night.
crap dude.
That poor guy
A woman was planning her dog’s birthday
party, and was debating which dogs to invite
since some of the dogs didn’t get along
with her dog.
You can pick your dog and you can pick your
friends, but you can’t pick your dog’s
friends.
These siblings (aged 50-60’s) arguing over
their (not even dead and in fact present at
the table) mother’s will and who gets what.
It ended in a heated argument and the son
speeding off.
That’s horrible
Had someone yell “RIP Olivia Newton John”
and I interjected that she wasn’t dead.
Big mistake.
Drunk idiot got on one of those drunk loops
about how I was wrong until we closed 20 min
later.
I even showed him on my phone that she wasn’t
dead and he said “you can google anything”.
Back when you kept a news paper on the bar...
Guy walks in and goes straight for the paper.
Looks in one section then the other.
Places paper down.
I asked him if he found what he was looking
for, and he said no.
His ex isn’t dead or in jail.
Then he asked for a beer.
I think you were living in a cold open from
*Cheers*
A woman at a corporate event was explaining
to 3 male coworkers how she loves the thrill
attained from coke being snorted off her arse
Sounds like someone I could get behind.
I've heard discussions on if my boobs were
real.
Listened to a couple in an open marriage and
apparently bi sexual scout out the picking
for the evening.
Listened to tons of people telling their SO
that they were working late.
One guy even met a date later.
Listened to a couple have a very intense whispered
argument about custody.
I assumed a kid.
Turned out to be a cat.
Listened to a couple guys plan how to rob
me.
Bartending was fun I miss it sometimes.
I overheard a woman who worked for a New Zealand
online dating service, and was basically a
profile censor...
she described her job as being 80% willy pic
removal, and had seen so many willies she
could divvy them up into a few distinct categories.
I (a dude) have a very similar, job, and can
confirm.
Honestly though, compared to the other things
I have to remove, willy pics are like the
best case scenario in my day.
What happens a lot while working in bars is
that you overhear small snippets of conversation
that sound really weird taken out of context.
Stuff like:
- The best way to steal eggs is to pretend
that they are something else..
- The dogs wouldn't stand a chance against
Bruce Springsteen in his prime...
- I don't know if she can swim, but she bought
sandals in the 90s...
I usually entertain myself making up stories
about these conversations.
On Valentines day this year, we had a guest
who accepted a face time from his girlfriend
while his side-chick was with him at the bar.
He angled the phone so his girlfriend wouldn't
see the girl, but it was so obvious.
"Here's your drink, aaand one for your date
on the house.
Happy Valentine's day!"
These three middle aged women (alone at the
bar) discussing in excruciating detail their
sexual fantasies, which seemed to include
“sucking off a younger man.”
I was 22 at the time.
They obviously knew I could hear them but
it was so awkward.
I stood there cutting the heck out of lemons
and limes.
“You’ve never had the crap fricked out
of you by a guy like me”
Oh Jesus i think i am the woman who got that
bulls*** line.
Sorry.
He went home alone.
I overheard a guy telling his friend that
he was going to have sex with that bartender
(pointing to me).
He proceeded to say, “she might not be there,
but I am still going to have sex with her.”
Classy.
Once this older couple (55 ish) were talking
about their "bedroom problems".
The guy clearly had impotence issues and the
lady kept complaining that she was feeling
frustrated because he was frustrated.
And viagra wasn't really helping, or at least
not helping enough.
Let's just say that other people around them
weren't as comfortable as them about the conversation.
I’m not sure why you would choose a restaurant
as the venue for this conversation as opposed
to literally anywhere else.
Two businessmen having after work drinks on
a Friday, where the conversation built up
to one of the sweetest sentiments I've heard.
At first the usual "Lemme tell ya, you're
a good person.
I love you man."
Later on (still fairly basic): "frick the
wives!
Hey, you and me, we buy motorcycles!"
To finally this gem: "If a tornado were to
blow you away...
I would fly after you."
I mean that, or a group of four 50-60 year
old women discussing their K/D spread in Call
of Duty...
Even though we were busy, I clearly heard
a women say to her friend, "Hey look, the
bartender's really cute."
Friend: "No he's not!"
Response: "Oh yeah, you're right."
dang dude.
That sucks.
I'm sure there's someone that thinks you're
cute.
Even if it's just your mom.
Three girls were talking about some guy one
of them was hooking up with.
Apparently the night before, she’d puked
all over his willy.
Still boned.
Got alllll the details I never wanted.
Not me, as I’m a cook, but a bartender I
worked with and was good friends with overheard
a regular that was a businessman who traveled
to China often bragging about getting underage
h****** while there.
Made sure to tell everyone who knew him about
it.
oh crap, scrolled too much it stopped being
the funny ones...
"I keep asking him to shoot it on my face,
it's good for my skin!
But he refuses, he says he doesn't want to
disrespect me.
But I'm literally begging!"
-I was washing glasses right in front of these
two girls at my bar.
It wasn't even like I was far away across
the bar.
It’s disrespectful to not take your girls
desires seriously.
"You wont come home with me because I have
a stinky p**** *sob* *sob*" - Middle aged
woman on a first date at like 7 O'Clock on
a Wednesday.
The guy was planning on going home with her
until that i guess
Now I understand where all the patients presenting
to the emergency department with vaginal discharge
at 9PM on a Wednesday come from!
I once listened to three people have an in
depth discussion about how they were going
to kill the "local vampire" and the steps
to take to protect themselves from the coven
that said vampire is surely from.
My favorite though what a heated debate over
whether the first Robin would be a crime fighter
if Batman hadn't picked him up and trained
him.
we love drunk comic book nerds!
but yes, willy grayson still would have found
a way to avenge his parents death and fight
crime, even without batman
"you think they have those straws for sucking
drinks in your butt here?"
Wow.
Can't compete with that.
Don't even really understand that.
I once heard a guy tell his buddy, "It's fun,
it's like laser tag but with real guns" That
was twenty years ago and to this day kick
my self for not getting the whole story.
Almost certainly meant paintball or airsoft.
Sorry to ruin it for you.
Was visiting my mom at work once (she tends
bar) and heard her making conversation across
the bar with a patron.
Suddenly, over the music, I hear the guy slam
his fist onto the bar and yell "YOU...
ARE FACTUALLY...
WRONG."
He immediately faceplanted on the bar, and
his buddy had to carry him out of there.
My mom was just commenting on the fact that
the song that was playing was country...
This guy was going through a divorce and his
buddy was consoling him.
He kept saying he'd never find someone as
kinky as her.
His buddy tried to tell him plenty of people
are kinky, to which he replies, "you dont
get it dude, she used to blow our dog while
we fricked"
Holy frick lmao
One time I walked out to the patio to have
a smoke break into three people all talking
very drunkenly but also very seriously about
theoretical physics.
I bartended at a country club, and there was
this one group of tennis-ladies that would
always sit at the bar and get absolutely s***faced
on weeknights at our wine nights.
They took a liking to our main bartender and
kept calling him exotic (he’s Mexican),
they would say how love his beard, would talk
about their fav (not tennis related) positions,
how they kept their nether-regions tidy, slip
him their numbers, how crap their husbands
were, etc.
Gave me death glares every time I’d be bartending/bar
backing with him lol
The exotic Mexican part got me lol
Randomly overheard two middle aged women,
'as a woman ages she can choose between her
face or her butthole, but she cant choose
both'
I have no idea
I’ve seen it all.
1.
A couple who was obviously not married to
each other.
They were on a “business trip” and would
get drunk and make out like once a month when
they met at my bar.
2.
A lawyer and a judge who are “definitely
not in the same place” talking about a murder.
3.
“If you didn’t want it there why did you
ask for it” (Anal)
4.
“Look I’m not slutty I’m just going
through a phase where I frick dudes.”
Those are my fav.
Note, these are just some I’m prone to remember.
I’m not calling the police to tell them
that one time when I bartended the judge and
lawyer that I don’t know drank together.
Work in a downtown hotel bar right across
from our convention center.
I’ve heard way too many negotiations between
businessmen and escorts.
Last one I heard involved the guy asking the
lady how much extra she would charge to let
his friend watch.
(She said it was $200 to watch, $500 if he
joins in)
"I hated myself until I discovered masturbation"
Just because I make love to myself doesn't
mean I love myself.
I’ve bartended but my favourite conversation
was overhead while I was on the other side
of the bar.
“Look all I’m saying is Grand Theft Auto
severely ruined our generations perception
of how many police helicopters exist”
Sounded like they were getting really heated
over the matter haha
That's a fair premise really.
Guy: “I think I’m going to need a coke
chaser for this one.”
Girl, presumably SO: “we already did all
the coke...”
Guy: “Coca Cola, you idiot!”
Not even the most memorable, just the most
recent.
For sure, a real snapshot into their relationship.
Had a husband and wife who were by far the
most rude people I’ve ever encountered.
Talking with a traveling business man.
By the end of the night the business man was
propositioning the woman to go back to his
hotel room for some money.
The husband responded for $500.00 you can
let him have anal.
I heard some chick say "and the worse part
about it, is that lucky bastard got a whole
gram of crystal out it for free."
I once heard a guy talking to his buddy about
how he likes to have sex with both a female
and male at the same time and likes to lick
up the after effects of the male orgasm off
of her.
Everyone’s got their preferences but that
was not something I expected to hear.
I like how you say it all classy and not simply
lick up the jizz.
Tinder date - dude bragging about his big
willy to a woman who actually said take me
to the bathroom and show me.
I waited about a minute after they went into
the bathroom, then walked in on them and said
my willy is bigger, now get out here, settle
your tab, and take that crap elsewhere.
They tipped me 30%.
Lots and lots of cheaters.
It's weird that serial cheaters take their
girls to the same spot.
Was a bartender at a hotel bar, had all sorts
of interesting folks come through.
One time a group of guys, of varying ages,
all came down and took the biggest table.
No big deal, it was a slow night.
They proceeded to reach in their bags and
set up a game of Dungeons and Dragons and
start playing, accents and all.
(I distinctly remember something about Bob
the Necromancer).
The other guests thought it was funny and
interesting, so I figured no harm no foul.
Let them play all night.
Later in the night, the same guys still playing,
we witnessed some guy with a gold robot head
made of cardboard go running by the main window
of the bar.
He was wearing the gold robot head, shoes,
and nothing else.
The cops arrived shortly after and we all
had to give statements.
The cops proceeded to interrogate me about
the D&D players because "they like to dress
up in weird costumes, right?"
I told the cops that the guys hadn't left
the table all night.
One member of the adventuring party bid the
cops farewell, in character.
Another time I had a camera crew show up and
start setting up.
They were apparently with some ghost hunting
show and were checking to see if we were haunted.
I guess the owner had put them up to it (No
press is bad press?)
So I let them do their thing.
Apparently we were "super haunted" (not the
exact words they used), but the episode never
made it to air.
They ended up finding a secret crawlspace
which was pretty cool, but it was completely
empty.
“There’ll be handcuffs, bagels and, streamers,
my kind of party”
Well, I'm not a bartender...
but I once went to a very loud cuban dance
party (in a church, if it matters) and was
trying poorly to chat with a lovely young
lady and she was scream-talking to her friend
when the music suddenly stopped at the end
of the song and in that half-second of silence
she hollered out "I don't care I just want
to get laid!!!".
I thought that was a good sign, since she
was clearly talking about me, which was unusual.
Made it back to her place and she showed me
her angel sticks (dorky things you pull out
and they have a word that "describes you").
I got "forgiving", and she concentrated really
hard then pulled out "efficient" and burst
into tears and locked herself in the bathroom.
I let myself out.
Ex bartender, guy who worked for Von Miller
(linebacker for the Denver Broncos) was a
regular and would sit at my bar.
Heard many things about Vons life that humanized
him to me instead of him being some super
star.
Are you telling me that I don’t have to
yell my order to bartenders in loud places??
I'm telling you when I'm 2 feet away I can
hear you telling your friend about that burning
sensation you've been having downstairs.
I had two people discussing if gimp suits
where sexy or not the minute I cleared my
throat in mid-sentence they switched to talking
about the whiskey they were drinking.
Guy and girl come in.
She says she got him a birthday present.
It was a remote control for a vibrator she
had somehow attached to herself.
They didn't know I heard the conversation.
They keep telling me (and everyone who came
to the bar) to "press the button".
I just played along like I didn't know what
they were doing.
It it was fun to watch the whole thing play
out.
I was intrigued so I brought the idea home
to my girlfriend of 2 years.
No go.
dang.
That's the kind of thing you suggest during
the 6 month honeymoon stage of your relationship.
After that, forget about it....:-(
A lady, her weird boyfriend, and the girl’s
sister at my bar.
When the girl went to the bathroom, her sister
scooted in towards him and was saying they
should get out of there before her sister
gets out of the bathroom and go get a motel.
They both must have seen something I didn’t
because this dude was UGG-LAY
Not a bartender, but I love hanging out on
the riverfront and sounds travels quite well
there.
I overheard the gentleman that were hanging
out near me discussing whether to rob me or
not.
You should have robbed them first just to
see their reaction
I work in a hotel bar.
There's a couple that comes in every monday.
The kicker is that they're not married to
each other.
The woman got drunk and asked the guy if he
thought about her when he fricked his wife.
This will probably get buried in the comments,
and it’s not the strangest conversation,
but definitely the coolest I ever had.
I was bartending at a hotel bar in a historical
district of a vacation town.
We had quite a few semi-celebrities come through
and it was pretty cool getting to meet them,
but it was a regular thing.
Never really got star struck.
Then, a guy started coming in every couple
of months and always wore a Marshall University
hat.
I always just assumed he was alumni or fan,
but once I got to know him I found out it
was much deeper than that.
He played for the Marshall football team that
the movie We Are Marshall depicted.
He was on the team the year after the horrific
plane crash that killed the majority of the
team.
Me being a huge fan of the movie and the story
behind it, we talked about it and his personal
experience with the whole thing for hours.
It was crazy impressive what all he, and that
team went through.
Not only was he one of the nicest gentlemen
I ever met, but he was genuinely compassionate
to a lot of the older folks that came through
while he was there.
He always went out of his way to open doors,
pulls chairs out for random strangers, and
really just made the bar an enjoyable place
to be when he was there with his friendly
conversations with everyone.
Like I said he only came in every few months,
so he found out my last shift was going to
be around the next time he was in town and
told me he’d be there to have a drink with
me.
My last shift he walks in and surprised me
with a Marshall University football autographed
with a short note by Red Dawson, who was the
coach that much of the movie was based on,
and a signed copy of the movie.
It’s now on display in my living room and
I love when people ask about it and I get
to tell the story.
Not a bartender but I heard two girls discussing
how the bartender, who was easily within listening
distance, would be attractive if he wasn't
fat.
Then they went on to joke about how he probably
takes so many bathroom breaks because he is
stuffing his face with fries in the back room.
They were drunk and loud and weren't looking
in his direction, I don't know if they realized
he was so close by.
The bartender was looking over and clearly
listening in, but when he saw that I noticed
what was going on he just got red in the face.
Poor guy.
Bartender in Lodo in Denver!
The strangest/disturbing thing I have ever
overheard was these two guys with this girl.
The girl goes to the bathroom and I overheard
the two guys talking about who is going to
hook up with this girl.
A pretty normal conversation but then they
started talking about how they were going
to get this girl super wasted and take advantage
of her.
They started talking about how both of them
might get some from this girl once she gets
wasted!
It was a pretty disturbing conversation at
this point.
So when the girl comes back from the bathroom
they all close out their tabs to head to another
bar.
So I tell the girl something is wrong with
her card and to step to the corner of the
bar (where the register is) and begin to tell
her what I overheard.
She was shocked and said she appreciated it.
She thanked me and called an Uber and didn't
go to any other bar with these guys don't
know what she told the guys but they were
confused and kind of pissed.
When she left they were trying to figure out
what went wrong.
Public Service Announcement: If you start
talking about sexually abusing girls in front
of a bartender we will step in and do the
right thing!!!
