Let's kick it off with a story
everyone is talking about.
 Game of Thrones.
Last night was
the big series finale,
and I'm not gonna spoil
anything--
(clears throat) Iron Man dies--
but let's just say,
some people are taking
the ending hard.
TV REPORTER:
It has been eight long,
and at times,
very frustrating, seasons
for Game of Thrones fans,
and now that the end has come,
you might need someone
to talk to.
 Yeah, Bark.com is offering
 therapy sessions for viewers
 whether you need someone
 to complain to
 about these plot holes some
 people have been talking about,
 have trouble with the ending,
 or just need help
 in the absence
 of your favorite show,
 the site promises to find
 a professional for you.
Yes, that's right, a website
is offering therapy,
therapy sessions
for people upset
about the ending
of Game of Thrones.
And let me just say, people, uh,
if you need therapy
because a TV show ended,
your life is too good, okay?
I'm just gonna
tell you straight,
you don't need a therapist,
you need some credit card debt,
and an STD, okay.
Take your mind right off
that series finale.
(cheering and applause)
And I hope...
I also hope those therapy
sessions are private, right,
because you're gonna look
like a dick if you're in
a group therapy session and the
person before you will be like,
"I got addicted to drugs
after my wife left."
And you go like, "Okay,
put a pin in that.
"I didn't like Jon Snow's
story arc, okay?
I didn't like it."
In other news, it's the season
finale of college,
and one graduation ceremony
had a surprise ending
that most people actually
enjoyed.
 Billionaire Robert Smith
 surprised graduating seniors
 at Morehouse college by telling
 them his family would wipe out
 all their student debt. 
 That's an estimated $40 million
 for nearly 400 students.
And my family is making a grant
to eliminate
their student loans.
(crowd cheering)
Wow!
He's gonna pay off 400 kids'
student debt.
$40 million.
That is really amazing.
Although, I will say,
I do feel bad for that one kid
who worked his way
through school
so that he wouldn't have loans.
Yeah, because you know he was
at that ceremony like,
"You guys wasted all your time
partying,
"but some of us scrubbed toilets
for years to be debt-free.
And now, I'm gonna be--
Wait. What?"
(laughter)
Seriously,
it sucks for that guy.
It's like going to
a group dinner,
all your friends
are ordering caviar,
you think you're paying for
yourself, so you're like,
"I'm just gonna have the
breadsticks," and at the end,
someone's like,
"The dinner was on me."
And you're like...
(cracking sound)
(laughter)
And also, and also, can we admit
that although
this was fantastic,
this billionaire has ruined
commencement speeches forever?
Yeah, because good luck
being next year's speaker.
It'll be like,
"And, finally, I want to say,
always follow your dreams."
"And...?"
"And believe in yourself."
"And...?"
"Well, that's it."
"Boo."
(laughter)
This also probably pisses off
other billionaires,
when, you think about it,
because now the expectation
is that they will pay tuition
at any college they go to.
You're gonna look bad
if you don't.
Yeah, I bet other billionaires
are gonna end up speaking
at cheaper colleges, you know.
Bill Gates will be like, "It's
such an honor to be addressing
"the Hackensack Online
Beauty Academy.
"Here's your 150,
here's your 150 bucks.
Here's your 150 bucks."
All right, moving on
to some tech news.
Now that Uber is
a public company,
it's under more pressure
to make profits,
which is probably why it just
launched a brand-new feature.
If your Uber driver is a bit
too chatty for your liking,
you can now use a mute feature
in Uber Black service.
Now, the features in the app
are called "quiet preferred,"
but if you're feeling social,
you can also select
"happy to chat."
Yes, from now on if you get
into an Uber,
you can select "happy to chat"
or "quiet mode" on the app.
Although, I'll be honest,
knowing Uber drivers,
I don't think it's actually
gonna make a difference, right?
You're gonna get in the car
and then
the driver's gonna be like,
"So I see you chose
'quiet mode,' yeah?
"That's a good option, yeah.
"So many drivers, they talk,
talk, talk, talk.
"Never leave you alone.
"Yeah, I wish everything in life
had quiet mode,
"like my children and my wife.
"Oh, yeah. No. I mean, yeah.
So is this your first time
using 'quiet mode,' yeah?"
(laughter)
But don't forget, don't forget,
you only get "quiet mode"
if you take Uber Black,
which is the luxury service.
Yeah, luckily, though,
Uber has also unveiled
some new features
for UberX, like there,
they've got a new mode called
"Don't stab me."
Yeah, so that's a...
that's a nice feature.
And finally, some news
coming out of my home country,
South Africa.
We move on now
to a bizarre encounter
with a fan
for Arnold Schwarzenegger.
The action star
and former governor
has decided not to press charges
against the man
who drop-kicked him in the back
at an event in South Africa.
NEWSWOMAN:
 This weekend,
 71-year-old
 Arnold Schwarzenegger proving
 it's still a bad idea to mess
 with the Governator.
 One man at the Arnold Classic
 Africa Sports Festival
 in South Africa
 learned that the hard way
 after landing a flying kick
 into Schwarzenegger's back.
 In this video,
 you see despite the attacker
 taking a running start,
 Arnold barely moved, unfazed.
(laughter)
What the (bleep)?
(laughter)
I know this was funny
for some people,
but I'm not gonna lie.
As a South African,
I was super pissed off.
First of all,
thanks to that guy,
now we're the country
that drop-kicked
the Terminator, okay?
And what's even worse is
that Arnold barely even moved,
so now we look like
we can't even kick right.
Makes the whole country
look bad.
You know that people
were texting me
after this shit happened?
People were like, "Hey, Trevor,
did you see this kick?
Is that a normal thing
in South Africa?"
Yeah. Yeah, yeah, guys.
No, it's tradition.
That's what we do
in South Africa.
We just drop-kick all
the celebrities that show up.
Yeah. Yeah, you remember
when Bill Clinton
came to South Africa,
Nelson Mandela met him
with a dropkick. He was like,
"Welcome to South Africa.
Welcome."
