Bill & Ted Face the Music is finally here,
and we're betting that you, like us, found
it to be a most excellent reality-hopping
adventure full of wit, warmth, and heart.
Fans have waited a very, very long time for
the belated sequel to 1989's Bill & Ted's
Excellent Adventure and 1991's Bill & Ted's
Bogus Journey, and the flick does not disappoint.
It finds our heroes in a most precarious predicament:
It's not every day that you find out that
you're responsible not only for the fate of
the world, but for all of reality as we know
it.
"Ted. We have a destiny to fulfill."
Now would be a good time for us to warn you
that we'll be venturing into massive spoiler
territory for Bill & Ted Face the Music from
here on out.
At the beginning of the film, Bill and Ted
are dragged in front of a panel of future
dudes in the year 2720 by Kelly, the daughter
of their original time-traveling mentor, Rufus.
The future dudes are none too pleased with
the duo's failure to write the song that was
supposed to unite the world, and they're informed
of just how dire the circumstance has become:
a song, to be written by "Preston-Logan" must
be performed at "MP 46" in exactly 77 minutes
— or time and reality itself will cease
to exist.
They embark on a series of travails involving
multiple iterations of their future selves
and a trip to Hell to make up with Death and
save their daughters and all of the bodacious
musicians they've collected throughout history.
"Hey, you wanna be in our band?"
The entire gang arrives on a crowded highway
just as reality seems to be totally falling
apart. Fortunately, they happen to be in the
right place — milepost 46, or "MP 46" — and
as Billie and Thea begin to assemble and warm
up the band, Bill and Ted arrive at a stunning
realization. They tell their daughters:
"It's you. Girls, you're not here to back
us. We're here to back you."
Sure enough, their Dads' encouragement inspires
them to coach the historical figures into
performing a truly epic tune — but it's
not enough.
As the band starts to warm up, Bill and Ted
realize that they'll have to get everybody
throughout history to play along, which means
that they'll have to distribute instruments
to everyone who has ever existed... in seven
minutes. Fortunately, Kid Cudi is on the scene,
and he happens to be surprisingly knowledgeable
about quantum physics. With his assistance,
Bill and Ted use their trusty phone booth
to become "infinite" versions of themselves,
which are able to quickly carry out the mission
of equipping everybody in history with guitars,
drums, horns, and cowbells.
"I'm telling you, fellas. You're gonna want
that cowbell on the track."
As everyone throughout time plays the same
song, reality suddenly begins to stabilize,
and the future dudes realize that the universe
is not folding in on itself. As Bill and Ted
join the band to perform the most epic guitar
solo ever, we hear Billie and Thea, in voiceover,
offer a succinct summary.
"And so, it wasn't so much the song that made
the difference, it was everyone playing it
together."
Over the closing credits, we indeed see a
wide cross-section of people all over the
world jamming out to the same song — a message
of unity that has perhaps never been more
sorely needed than it is in 2020.
Bill & Ted Face the Music took nearly 30 years
to make it to the screen, and now that it's
finally here, fans have wasted no time at
all in speculating about whether there could
be a number 4 in the future. As it turns out,
this question has been asked of franchise
screenwriters Chris Matheson and Ed Solomon.
The dudes' answer was a bit of a mixed bag.
Matheson told GameSpot:
"I think three [movies] is the magic number
of storytelling. It's the beginning, and the
middle, and the end."
Solomon agreed, but allowed one caveat:
"I could see a story for Billie and Thea."
That's all we needed to hear. Sure, the world
has been united and reality has been saved
— but if the Circuits of Time should ever
get all tangled up again, we're pretty sure
those future dudes know who they should call.
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