The theater club 'Napalm' presents:
Black and white essay: "The information war for Ukraine"
Any similarity to the current news is unintended and accidental, but absolutely inevitable.
- General von Wagner, what is the situation in the rear?
- We have managed to more or less close the ranks. The diversity of opinions has shrunk to the width of the embrasure.
- Message from Odessa: More than 40 people were herded into the Trade Union house and burned there.
- Oh, it's our chance to advance on the enemy's territory!
- Write: "Pro-Russian rabble has burnt defenseless Ukrainians". Dot!
- General? - Yes! - But the victims are from the enemy's camp!
- Damn! The victims are not citizens, but just separatists!
- Should I write then: "Ukrainian rabble burns pro-Russian separatists"?
- No-no-no! The editor's line should be kept at all cost!
Write the following for the 1st Channel news:
"In Odessa during the clashes between pro-Russian activists and government supporters at least 46 people died." Not clear how!
- They did it to themselves, general? - Yes!
- Reporting! A message! A civilian aircraft has been shot down, a tragedy!
- No, it's a gift of heaven! Dump everything on the enemies.
- But we don't know anything for sure! - Even better! Then we can act without relating to the facts at all. - Yes!
- Do you mean, like this? - Oh, if you do like this, it will be great! ('Spiegel' magazine cover: "Stop Putin immediately!")
- Message! Preliminary report about MH17 crash has been published!
- And what does it say?
- The plane was riddled with something!
- Are there any indications who are the guilty ones?
- No!
- Great! It means, "we can conclude, that there are almost no doubts left that it was the separatists"!
- Very good, von Wagner!
- Take shelte-e-e-er!
- What was that?
- Reprimand from the Council of the German press. They told that "The photos of the crash victims were used deliberately to spread a political agenda."
- Ha! Reprimand from the Council of press. They missed!
The newspaper doesn't have to publish it. No one will even know about it if only not shown to the millions of people on TV!
- And thank God for that!
- Let's hope, herr General!
- Do you have anything else on the aircraft? - Yes, I also have a photo! - Great, show it!
- Great! Just look how he strangles this teddy bear!
I propose to give it to the boulevard press.
Write: "What kind of people are these? Putin's rebels are wiping their boots against the victims dignity." (Sonntags Blick)
- All clear! I also have a related video, if you're interested. - Great, show it!
- Look! How he is wiping his boots!
He will throw this teddy bear away now and will demonstrate ones and forever what kind of a..
person he is..
- Oh my God, this is already too touching.
- I propose to settle for a freeze-frame.
- Someone says here, that separatists have conducted a model examination of the crash site.
- What idiot is it?
- The head of the Dutch investigation team.
- We must stay steady! Ignore him!
- Alarm of the yellow level! Russian humanitarian convoy is moving towards Ukraine, sir!
- Damn! These Russians first destabilize the region with their mysterious soldiers and now send the Red Cross after them!
- This is brilliant! Why haven't we come up with this idea? What will your response strategy be?
Write: "According to the Ukrainian media, the unlawful invasion has led to the mass.."
..to the mass survival due to the Russian bread and the violation of the sovereignty of Ukraine." Dot!
- Oh, German TV is just showing the Ukrainian soldiers with SS runes and swastika!
- Holy Mary! - Nazies, that are fighting for the truth? How will you formulate that? 
- We will continue calling them "volunteer battalions"!
- I think, I see something! - What!? Oh my God, it is the invasion, isn't it?
- That is just unclear, these are some cars..
- Cars? Write: "Russian army convoy is crossing the Ukrainian border!"
- Wait! But they are going the other way!
- Write: "Russian convoy runs away from the Ukrainian army!"
- No, they are standing.
- Write: "Russian army convoy is destroyed!"
- Yes! The Americans got satellite images!
- We have the proof of the invasion!
- No! Ex-CIA agents say that it is impossible to see anything on them!
- Impossible? Then find someone that can see something on them, damn!
- At least find someone from CSU! (party of the governmental coalition in Germany)  - From CSU?  - Yes! Do at least something!
- Why from CSU? - They are all experts now in telling apart foreign cars. (CSU has authored a controversial initiative that makes foreigners pay German road toll)
- A minute! - What?
- We have unclear satellite images... - Exactly!
- Experts, that are unworthy of trust... -  Exactly!
- Then how can I make a message from all this?
- Surely, we will use a well-tried strategy: put a statement in the headline and leave the standards of journalism for the last sentence.
- Write: "Russian military convoy is destroyed". Paragraph. "According to data that is still not confirmed".
- The invasion has reached its target! - What, Kiev?
- No, sanctions! - Thank God.
- What is it now?
- Breakthrough in the rear! The journalists came under the shelling from the readers!
- Don't accept the readers' mails! - But they are all over the Internet!
- Then switch off the forums! - Oh, no! People are moving off to Facebook!
- Then moderate, block and delete, delete!
- But we are fighting for the freedom of speech! - Yes, but in Russia, not here!
- Alert!
- What now?
- The editor union of the First channel criticizes its own reports on Ukraine as biased and one-sided!
- This is a decisive blow..
- Get yourself together!
- Oh my God! A satirical program on the 2nd German channel is laughing at German journalists!
- What?
- No! Immediately, immediately! I order you: block them with prohibitions for publishing, so that they can't make a move!
- We don't have time for this already.
- No, it's exactly for this we have "Time", damn!
(The newspaper 'Time' (Zeit) got an injunction against ZDF which prohibited airing an earlier episode of 'Die Anstalt', that questioned the impartiality of the publisher of 'Time')
- We need to do something! - No, I meant that we are out of time for today..
- The time is over? Is this the end? All is lost?
In spite of such good teammates as Simone Zolga,
John Doul
and Tobias Mann!
That's it, switch off the light, switch it off...
