 
## Sermon Helps

By Carol Taylor

Published by Carol Taylor at Smashwords

Copyright 2011 C LTaylor

Smashwords Edition, License Notes:

Thank you for downloading this free ebook. Although this is a free book, it remains the copyrighted property of the author, and may not be reproduced, copied and distributed for commercial purposes. If you enjoyed this book, please encourage your friends to download their own copy at Smashwords.com, where they can also discover other works by this author. Thank you for your support.

## Sermon Helps

The material in this book may be freely used in sermons, Bible studies, student lessons and other Christian outlets. All material is original and is authorized for any media as long as it is for nonprofit purposes. All for-profit uses must be approved by the author. If you wish to contact the author please send an email to: e.books.and.u@gmail.com

Table of Contents

Chapter 1: Christian Living

The Adoption

Celebrities for Eternity

It Make me So Mad When I'm not Happy

Will God Make Your Bed for You?

Love Can Turn the World Around

Overcoming Shyness

Miracle 'Drug' for Resentment

The Indentured Servant

Beautiful People

Women and Dress

Women: What are You 'Selling'?

You Can't Close My Door

Do People at Church Seem to Avoid You?

Shame on Me!

Suffer the Little Children...

Are we Really Supposed to 'Judge Not'?

What is Your Ministry?

Is Every Trial Also a Test?

An Education in Sin

Have You Ever Thought of Murder?

Love Without Works is Dead!

The World is Full of Apathy—But Who Cares?

Fellowshipping at Church

How to be a Good Conversationalist

Clean House—Empty Heart

Training Children to be Disciplined

Of Course I Believe—Don't You?

Is Christ Divided?

You Think You've Got it Rough?

You Call Your Organization 'Christian'?!

Chapter 2: Singles and Young People

How to Know What to Look for in a Mate

Why Doesn't God Want Me to Have Any Fun?

How Will Your Single Life Affect Your Future Spouse?

How to Get Self-Confidence & Self-Esteem

Love is Not Enough

Are You Lonesome Tonight?

Is This as Good as it Gets?

Where have all the Real Men Gone?

What Does a Man Look for in a Woman?

Just who are You?

Sex and Teenagers

Romancing a Stranger...

I Can't be Nice—He'll Think I'm Interested

Finding the Love of Your Life

I'm Not Married—Is There Something Wrong with Me?

The Single Malady

Bible Study—Should you Seek Self-Esteem?

Chapter 3: Christian Doctrine

Are You Ready for False Doctrine?

The Bullet-Proof Vest

Is There an Easy Way to be Righteous?

Why are We Here?

Do We HAVE to Keep God's Laws?

Is God Unfair?

How Could Christ not Sin?

What About Judas?

Many Called but Few Chosen?

Is Your Minister Responsible for Your Salvation?

Was Christ Resurrected on Sunday?

Why did Little Jeffrey have to Die?

A Day Off for Good Behavior?

The Wedding Invitation

Bible Study—Becoming More Like Christ

Chapter 4: General

The 'Religion' of Evolution

Africa—Why is it Still so Primitive?

The Bride

Chapter 5: For Children

When Terri didn't Want to do the Dishes

When Leanne got Jealous

When Shari didn't come Home

Child, Will You Believe me?

***

Chapter 1: Christian Living

## The Adoption

#### Story of Grace

Ephesians 1:3-6 Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ...According as He has chosen us in Him before the foundation of the world... **having predestinated us unto the adoption of children by Jesus Christ to Himself,** according to the good pleasure of His will, to the praise of the glory of his grace...

"Nice to meet you," he said as the couple took the seats Mrs. O'Conner offered them. "My name is John Williams and this is Mary, my wife, and we'd like to adopt a child. In fact, we'd like to adopt several children," he told her without preamble.

"B...but," Mrs. O'Conner stammered in utter astonishment, "Mr. and Mrs. Williams, this is not an adoption agency, this is a detention center!"

"We know," came the calm reply. They looked at her steadily as she attempted once more to explain.

"These children are in here for infractions against the law. Some of them very serious," she told them firmly. The couple just nodded. "Well, you can't just _adopt_ a criminal child," she added with some asperity.

The couple was obviously ready for this objection and merely asked, "Why not?"

The warden looked at them in even more astonishment. Were they nuts or something? She'd never had a couple like this in here before. And she certainly wasn't ready for such a question. Even she was aware that her reply, "B..because, it just isn't done!" was a little lame.

Mr. Williams continued on as if she hadn't even spoken. "Are there any children here whose parents don't want them back?" he asked her.

Feeling that she was rapidly losing control of the situation, the warden pondered the question for a moment. It was not without merit. "Ye...s," she said reluctantly, "But they are usually the older children and they don't get put in foster care, they go to Transition Homes for young adults."

"Oh, we don't want to just _foster_ children," Mrs. Williams interrupted with a smile, "We want to _adopt_ them."

"But I told you..." began the warden

John waved her objections aside. "We have papers from the State Governor giving us permission to adopt as many children as we wish from any detention center in the state," he told her. At this, Mrs. O'Connor opened her mouth to speak but could think of nothing to say. John used the silence to produce a small stack of papers with the official seal and signature right on the front.

Taking the papers, Mrs. O'Connor turned to the brief injunction and studied the signature. She'd seen plenty of official documents and knew one when she saw one. But this was quite, quite out of the ordinary. And she said so. And still the couple just smiled.

The first child they picked was Jeremy. He was nineteen and had been in and out of detention and prison for armed robbery and assault with a deadly weapon. Tod was eighteen and had beaten up his own mother and several teachers. Janine was seventeen and had gotten into drugs using prostitution to support them. All in all, the Williams chose ten such children to adopt. Mrs. O'Connor just stood and shook her head in bewilderment. They'd chosen some of the most seasoned criminals of the lot! They obviously didn't know what they were doing!

When the teenagers arrived at the immense gates that were entrance to the Williams estate, they were visibly stunned. The home, sitting a good distance back from the road, was bigger than any detention center they'd ever been in, and beautiful—like nothing they'd ever seen before. There were rolling hills and trees at the back with horses, cows, chickens and ducks. The well manicured lawn had flowers and a fountain and luxury was plain to see wherever they looked.

Once inside, the Williams gave them an extensive tour, then sat all ten miscreants down in the luxurious drawing room, had the butler serve them all cold drinks and sandwiches and explained to the motley crew, 'The Plan'.

"I know this whole thing is a little strange to you but we want you children to know," and Mr. Williams smiled as they squirmed at the word, 'children,' for none of them was under sixteen, "that Mary and I are very glad to have you here. We know that some of you will not want to stay and we want you to know, right from the start, that you are free to go whenever you wish." He looked around at them all to see if anyone was ready to take him up on this offer. Some were slouching down in their seats with a cynical look on their faces. Others had their heads down and wouldn't even meet Mr. William's eye. But none of them made a move to get up.

So Mr. Williams continued with another smile, "The Governor of this state has agreed to give each of you amnesty for everything you've ever done and all your records will be wiped clean as long as you abide by our rules. We will not bring up your past again and we ask that you do not discuss it with each other. We have paid your fines and the State has guaranteed that all accounts of your misdeeds have been erased. Should you ever get in trouble again, you will find that there is no record or even recollection of any past criminal behavior." The 'children' looked at each other with raised eyebrows and a look of confusion and total disbelief.

"I know you do not believe me, and I don't blame you," he smiled as they felt him almost reading their thoughts. "Your trust in me must be earned but I give you my solemn word that all I've said is true. I can only tell you that you will come to know this in time!

"Mary, why don't you tell them what we have planned for them, dear?" Mary swept them all with a warm and tender smile. "I know you are bewildered as to what you are all doing here," she started, "And I hope to clear that up for you as best I can. You see, John and I never had any children of our own and we have spent our lives amassing a fortune, as you can see." The kids glanced around the glorious room as if to acknowledge what she was saying. "We have decided to groom some young people, such as you, to take over the running of the estate and the business when we die. We decided that children from good homes with good backgrounds already had a reasonable life, so we decided to find worthy candidates in the detention centers. And we know that each and every one of you really wants a different life. In one way or another you have demonstrated that you are heartily sick of the life you've been leading. You are all old enough to begin a new life and that's where we come in. Are there any questions?"

None of them said a word. Never in their wildest dreams had they ever thought anything like this would happen—not even close! There were a lot of cynical looks and a couple of caustic, disbelieving comments, but mostly they were just incredulous. Finally one saucy girl asked, "Ok, I gots a question: can I gets a plug of dope?." The others laughed nervously wondering how such a request would be taken.

But if they thought their new benefactors would rise up in indignation, they were in for a surprise for, without so much as a frown crossing his face, Mr. Williams came and knelt before the girl who'd asked the question. Taking her hands in his he looked directly into her eyes and said, "My dear, this may be too difficult a place for you, if you think you can't endure it without drugs. You will be getting nothing that is not completely good for you here and that includes drugs. Would you like to leave? I'd be sad to lose you but my chauffeur will drive you home where you can get the drugs you need, if that's what you really want."

She looked at him like he was crazy, yet something about his warmth stirred something deep within her and her eyes looked a little moist as she mumbled, "No, I'll stay. I ain't gots no home to go to nohows."

John patted her knee warmly, then stood up and told them all, "You will be fed and clothed, educated and employed. We will expect you to pull your weight around here and learn the business thoroughly. As you learn and work and grow, Mary and I will place you in jobs and positions you are suited for and have become educated for. If you merely want to sweep floors, that's fine with us! But if you're capable of doing more, we'd like to see you at the top! As long as we can see that you are trying, you are as welcome as the flowers in May. If we see, however, that you seem to long for freedom, we will help you pack your bags. The door is always open for you to leave. We will be heartbroken to see you go, for we have great plans for every one of you, but it will always be your choice.

"Maybe others don't think of you as the highest quality in human beings but Mary and I have chosen you to prove them wrong. With our help and guidance, with the best life has to offer and the normal restraints good parents would put on any beloved children, we think you will surpass even your own wildest dreams, not to mention theirs. I can see it in your eyes that you cannot understand why or how we believe in you. I am not going to try to explain that but you will know and understand in time that indeed, we do! You have already noted our extreme confidence in what we have to offer but more than this, we also know, without a shadow of a doubt, that you can be some of the most successful people on earth. We will always believe in you, even when you don't believe in yourselves!"

Every teenager in the room seemed to be holding his breath. They did not look at each other this time, they didn't even fidget. None of them had ever heard anything like this! But a glimmer of hope had begun in each breast that moment—a hope most of them had barely even dared consider in all their young lives. They couldn't really trust him yet they wanted so badly to believe, that hope found a foothold—a place from which to grow.

But Mr. Williams was not finished. "You will not always understand why certain things are done around here but I can only hope you will learn in time that there is only one rule here and that is, Love. Because you are not our real children, raised from birth, you probably think it's impossible for us to really love you.. But can you understand that, in a way, you are even _more_ precious than actual born sons and daughters, for you were _chosen_. Not for anything you have done—that hasn't been too good up till now, has it?" he grinned. And his little joke prompted a few snickers and giggles and a few downcast eyes.

"It wasn't because you were good or bad or pretty or ugly that you were chosen. It was because you are 'you' and we were confident you wanted a new life and would respond to love. If you don't like the way we do things, I ask just one thing of you—accept that nothing done here, and I do mean _nothing_ , is done for any other reason than love. The house rules, the boundaries, the lack of harmful substances, the education, the hard work—all to make you better people—all to help you grow and become all you can be. You may not always like or agree with our ways and I guarantee it won't always be easy, but if you will accept them, you will one day understand that ALL was done in love. All.

"And there's one more thing, my children," he added in the same loving tone that was already beginning to soften them, "We wish that, old as you are, you would not call us Mr. and Mrs. Williams, nor even John and Mary, but...if you will, Mother and Father."

And with that, the first interview was finished. And the new life of everyday sinners—begotten of the Holy Spirit into the bosom of God the Father and Jesus Christ with the Church for Mother, their pasts forgotten forever, their futures ensured as long as they continued to grow in grace and knowledge—was begun as Christians. The very sons and daughters of the Most High God!

There never was and never will be a more beautiful message than the Gospel of Love. Those of us who are called by God are those children. All has been given us. All has been forgiven. Now it's up to us, as Paul said, to "....walk worthy of the vocation wherewith you are called." Ephesians 4:1

***

## Celebrities for Eternity!

#### God Looks on the Heart

James 2:5-9 Hearken, my beloved brethren, **Has not God chosen the poor of this world** rich in faith, and heirs of the kingdom which he has promised to them that love him?

There's a preacher I know. Mighty in word, he's clever, captivating, and charismatic. He's been preaching the Gospel for his entire life and there is little doubt that God is speaking through him.

Yet as an example of Christian living, he wouldn't be my first choice. No, the little lady in my church who has a kind word and hug for everyone she meets is _my_ idea of Christianity. One has a wonderful talent for preaching and God is using him mightily. The other will never be great by the world's standards. Yet she is, in my opinion, a _star_. And what makes her so? It is love. She gives her love, regardless of color, position, age, or talents and is a shining example of I Corinthians 13—the love chapter.

There's nothing wrong with admiring a man's ability to preach, his knowledge of the Bible and his charismatic personality. But don't be fooled. _God is looking for love._ Paraphrased, I Corinthians 13:1 says, 'Though I speak with the tongues of men and of angels and have not love, I am as nothing.'

It's not the person who 'dies with the most toys' that wins—as the car bumpers say—but he who has the most love! There is nothing more valuable, nothing more worth striving for. "Beloved, let us love one another: For love is of God..." I John 4:7 "By this shall all men know that you are my disciples, if you have love one to another," John 13:35. He who does not love does not know God, for God is love. I John 4:8

The world rarely gives awards to the really great people on earth, Mother Teresa being a heart-warming exception. Most awards seem to go to the brilliant, the talented, and the dedicated. And there's nothing wrong with rewarding those kinds of 'stars', but again, don't be fooled. Although striving to be good at something is certainly not wrong, striving to love unconditionally is beyond all comparison. Remember, the Bible says you could even be burned at the stake for your beliefs, yet without love, it would be worthless. (I Corinthians 13:3)

If you want to meet the truly great people on this earth, you may not find them on TV or in the center of a group of autograph hounds. But you'll know who they are because you'll feel their love.

Don't be dazzled with society's stars—seek to emulate God's 'stars'. After all, they're going to shine for all eternity

***

## It Makes me SO Mad When I'm Not Happy!

#### Becoming More Like Christ

Ephesians 4:13-16 **Till we all come in the unity of the faith, and of the knowledge of the Son of God, unto a perfect man, unto the measure of the stature of the fullness of Christ: that we henceforth be no more children** , tossed to and fro, and carried about with every wind of doctrine, by the sleight of men, and cunning craftiness, whereby they lie in wait to deceive; but speaking [Margin: being sincere in] the truth in love, may grow up into him in all things, which is the head, even Christ: from whom the whole body fitly joined together and compacted by that which every joint supplies, according to the effectual working in the measure of every part, makes increase of the body unto the edifying of itself in love.

What would make you happy? A million dollars? A vacation? Losing 50 lbs? It's undeniable that any of those things might give many people a bit of a boost. But happy? No. Because happiness isn't about 'things'.

There are plenty of people with plenty of 'things' that are plenty unhappy.

It is not the lack of physical things beyond our needs that makes us unhappy. The major cause of unhappiness is our emotions. When we are angry, resentful, envious, worried, jealous, etc., unhappiness is the result. But are strong emotions bad? God says He is a jealous God and that vengeance is His. That sounds pretty strong! We are told in Ephesians 4:26 to "Be angry and sin not." Obviously there is a time to be angry. Christ was angry. He wept; He had compassion, and felt disgust. But He didn't harbor resentment. He didn't waste time in worrying or 'if-only-ing' like we all do. He knew how to use and control emotions and keep them from making Him, and everyone around Him, miserable.

What would your life be like if, like Christ, you rid yourself of wrong emotions? What about that time on the freeway when that _bozo_ cut you off, making you slam on your brakes?! You probably had a few choice words to say to him which you had to repent of later, didn't you? Thankfully, most of us are smart enough not to start a fight on the freeway by letting some bozo _hear_ those remarks. But unless you lost it to the point of honking, and perhaps got the finger for your trouble, the guy in front of you is basically unaware of your displeasure. He merrily goes on his way while you fume and fuss about the ' _idiots_ on the road who don't deserve to push a shopping cart', etc. And so, the only person aware of, and able to _participate in_ your anger, is YOU (and your unfortunate passengers, if you have any.)

But are you _happy_ when you're angry in that way? Of course not. Another wasted emotion taking up your happiness. That anger won't change the situation, won't make that guy stop his inconsiderate ways, and doesn't add one iota to your happiness—quite the reverse!

While you are lusting after your neighbor's new car or envying your colleague his new position, you certainly are _not_ happy. And the person you are affecting the most, is YOU. Inside, you are wanting that which is not yours and feeling self-pity because you deserve nice things too and all the time you're building resentment towards your friends and life in general. Your neighbor and colleague may be completely unaware of your resentment, though if you continue to harbor such emotions, they will probably hear you say something derogatory in time. Remember: "Out of the abundance of the heart, the mouth speaks!" (Matthew 12:34)

Resentment, bitterness, worrying, inappropriate anger, jealousy, envy, etc. are DAMAGING emotions _._ To US! They can also result in pain to others but the one suffering the most is the user. _The fact is that as you work towards being more Christ-like—which includes eradicating damaging emotions—YOU are the one that is the most benefited._ _Now, in this life_.

That is why God wants us to be like His beloved Son—so we will be the HAPPIEST people on earth. Don't you gravitate towards happy people? Shouldn't others be attracted to Christians because they are happy? Shouldn't they see that we have a secret weapon against wrongful anger, resentment, hate and unhappiness? Not because we 'fake it,' but because we learn to be more like Jesus Christ who was perfect in His emotions as well as everything else.

As we all know, sin starts in the mind. If you can nip negative emotions in the bud, sin cannot get a grip. Easier said than done, of course! But knowing the benefits of becoming more Christ-like is a big help in getting there.

For centuries some have made Christianity out to be an austere, painful, gritting-your-teeth kind of straightjacket only the ascetics could adopt (those that denied themselves all pleasure). But the Christian way of life is full of happiness and joy, purity and peace. Many of those that 'enjoyed' a life of sexual pleasures with many partners now face a life of pain and suffering (or death, in the case of AIDS and other STD's) —self-inflicted because of their ignorance. They will never know the joy of giving themselves to a beloved mate with a pure heart and a pure body. How can that be compared to those fleeting pleasures that are now just history? Those that felt 'free' to indulge in drugs have often gotten into crime to support their habit, destroyed parts of their brain for good, or died an early death. And everyone has made bad health choices from time to time resulting in sickness, surgery, obesity, and disease.

Christ told us to love our enemies and bless those that despitefully use us. He wasn't trying to make us milksops—He was trying to show us the way to true happiness. Can you be unhappy when you are loving? Can you be unhappy when you are giving a blessing? Happiness results from right emotions. Unhappiness results from wrong ones. It's that simple. Love, joy, peace, gratitude—these are happy emotions, and anger, hate, lust and greed cannot co-exist with them.

The Christian life is not easy but it is so incredibly rewarding that one must wonder why more don't adopt it. Freedom from guilt, perversion, hate, greed, lust, envy, and vanity—who would not want such things? The more like Christ you become, the happier you will be—He guarantees it!

***

## Will God Make Your Bed for You?

#### We Must do Our Part

"What are you doing, Sweetheart?" I asked my four-year old, finding him on his knees by his bed.

"I'm asking God to make my bed for me," came the innocent reply.

"God won't make your bed," I smiled. "He gave you arms and legs so you could do it yourself." Then I told him how God also had not 'healed' my dolly's broken tooth when I was seven even though I'd sincerely asked Him to. Of course I also had to admit that my doll's tooth was only broken because I'd lost my temper and hit my 'stupid' brother with it! I told my son how my regret was not for hitting my brother but for breaking my beloved doll's tooth! God must have smiled but He hadn't honored my foolish prayer.

Then I told him how, later in that same year, two of my own teeth began to grow in so badly that the dentist was going to remove them. But on the way to have the second one extracted, I cried and told my mother I didn't want to have it out. I didn't tell her that I'd prayed to God to straighten it up. But my mother honored my tears and God answered my childish prayer and straightened up that tooth which I have to this day!

So when does God intervene? Of course no one can make a hard and fast rule, but, in general, He only intervenes when we cannot do things for ourselves. Think of God as your Father—because that's what He is! And what father is going to practice walking for his toddling son, ride his bike for him, go to school for him, write his essays, do his homework or anything else the son can and should do for himself? No, a normal human father knows his child must learn to do things, work, grow, change, mature and overcome by himself!

A parent is a guide and counselor but no parent can or should do everything for their child. And neither does God. Our earthly father and our Heavenly Father know it is good for us to find our own way, be responsible for our own lives, our own actions and the consequences. And both will (or _should_ , in the case of our human father) only step in when really necessary.

We must ask God to enable us to do what must be done but not to do it for us. In general, He will NOT make our decisions for us or give us supernatural signs to point the way. He is a gracious ever-loving Father who patiently watches over us while we learn and grow and overcome. And when we've done all we can, when there are insurmountable obstacles, when we're headed for disaster that is not in His Plan, God WILL step in and help. But it isn't for us to say when that moment is!

Look what Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego told Nebuchadnezzar as the king threatened to throw them into the fiery furnace: Dan 3:17-18 "If we are thrown into the blazing furnace, the God we serve is able to save us from it, and he will rescue us from your hand, O king. _But even if he does not_ , we want you to know, O king, that we will not serve your gods or worship the image of gold you have set up." (NIV)

These men were very close to God and did not hesitate to do the right thing, to make the tough decision, without waiting for some kind of sign from heaven. But even though they were close to God, they did not know for sure that He would keep them from death! They acted on what they believed, and trusted God for the outcome—whatever that might be!

When we ask for God's will to be done, we must work everything out for ourselves that we can, then leave the rest in His hands. So:

Pray like it all depends on God

Work like it all depends on you

And let God decide which is which!

***

## Love Can Turn the World Around

#### The Power of Love

I Corinthians 13:13 And **now abides faith, hope, love, these three; but the greatest of these is love.**

The follow-up investigations on the effects of a teenage detention and rehabilitation center revealed an interesting phenomenon. Most kids who went through detention got back into crime in a very short time. But there were kids from one group that had a high rate of true rehabilitation. They were on the straight and narrow many years after their session in detention. How come? The researchers traced their roots back to a particular female teacher at the detention center these kids all shared as their teacher/counselor. They interviewed her and asked what she had done differently that caused these kids to go straight. "Oh, nothing really," she told them, "I just loved them."

If you had to condense the Bible into one word, it would be: Love. God IS Love, (I John 4:8), and without love we are absolutely nothing, (I Corinthians 13:2). But what "Love" is this? Not romantic love (Greek: Eros) or friendship love (Greek: Philia). This is referring to Godly love (Greek: Agape). And Agape means unconditional love—incontrovertibly the most powerful force on earth.

God loved us unconditionally _while_ we were yet sinners—while we were ignorant of and even hateful of Him! And this is the brand of love we must learn to give.

But don't bother to try to love humanity that way unless and until you have learned to love your own family that way. Let's start with the children.

When a child experiences unconditional love, he feels complete and happy and confident, no matter what the other circumstances may be. A parent may be too controlling, too liberal, too strict or otherwise imperfect but a child that is loved 'without conditions' will almost always come out whole.

And what is unconditional love? In a nutshell, it is: _Loving a person regardless_. The teacher at the rehabilitation center had no magic wand to put wayward teenagers back on track; she 'just loved them.' She gave them love without any expectations, without the need for reciprocation or meeting any 'conditions'. Whether your child constantly does things wrong, says he hates you, ends up in court, does damage or anything else wrong, unconditional love keeps loving. Some parents have not yet learned this kind of love and turn their children out or even disown them when they do bad things or things they disapprove of!

What would you do if your teenager landed in jail one night for drug-dealing, rowdy behavior, or possession of a weapon? What would you do if your fifteen-year-old daughter told you she was pregnant? It is important to answer these kinds of questions for yourself _before_ you need to. And the one answer you must be sure of is that you will NEVER, EVER disown or abandon your child.

Make a decision, here and now, that no matter what happens, you will always love your own children and they will always be welcome home (unless they would be a danger to you or anyone else obviously). Unconditional love means loving even when it's tough, even when your child has dragged your pride through the sewer, even when you're face to face with the local police who've got your son or daughter in handcuffs.

Godly love continues to love the person even though you may hate the way they're acting. The key here is to separate the two. If your son wrecks your brand new car, does that stop him from being your son?

Does God disown you when you sin? The strange thing is, _God hates sin but He loves sinners_! Is that an oxymoron? No, for we are all God's children and He knows that the sin is hurting _us_ —in fact, it's _killing_ us! When your child does something wrong, realize he is hurting _himself_ more than he's hurting you. How do you think he is feeling, standing there with handcuffs on, waiting to go to jail? How do you think he feels when he hands you the keys to the car and has to tell you that it's missing a fender or two? These are tough times for kids and though a parent must never make light of a serious situation, he must let his child know that the love hasn't stopped just because of mistakes and sins.

I heard of a mother who told her daughter, "If you ever get pregnant, don't bother to come home." Another parent said to his son, "If I find out you're taking drugs, you'll find your clothes on the doorstep." Godly Love? I hope not or we're all lost! No, children must always be welcome home unless they are a real danger. And, even then, they must know they are loved. If you have to visit them in prison, tell them you still love them. They MUST know, that while you may detest what they did, you still love THEM.

Don't ever tell a child, no matter how old, "Mommy doesn't love you anymore," or "Daddy can't love you when you're bad." Love never fails, (I Corinthians 13:8). True love CAN'T be stopped. That's a fact. Just think: If a person you love should die, does your love for them die too? Of course not. Nor can you really stop loving a child no matter what they've done, IF you really loved them in the first place.

When you love your child unconditionally, you give him a rock to always come back to. Unconditional love is an anchor a kid can build the rest of his life on. He should know that someone loves him no matter how much money he makes, no matter how much he may screw up his life, no matter who else even likes him. Loved children almost always do well. Show me an out and out criminal and I'll show you a child who probably never experienced unconditional love.

Does this mean you bail your kid out every time he messes up? No way! Does God stop you from having to experience the consequence for your sins just because He loves you? In fact, _because_ He loves you, he lets you pay the consequences. How would we ever learn if He didn't?! No, children MUST pay the consequences for their actions. It is a most unwise parent that continually posts bail or pays the fines for a kid who's in trouble. Love them but don't baby them.

We all need to learn our lessons and a parent that tries to always _take the sting out of the mistake_ will end up with an irresponsible child. Let him pay the fine, work the community hours, pay for the wrecked car or broken window—that way he learns what his mistake really means. The real world won't pay his bail or waive his fine. Unless you want to keep him at home forever so you can always baby him, DON'T cheat him out of paying for his mistakes. Just let him know you love him.

Godly love does not stop the consequences, it loves in spite of them.

The most wonderful thing about unconditional love is that when you give it, it comes back to you. If you have given your child real love, he will return your love in the same way, no matter what mistakes you've made, no matter how your life turns out. It's an investment for the future that can't be quantified. Giving your child love unconditionally means he will also love you back unconditionally and, in turn, he will love his own children unconditionally who will love him back unconditionally and so it goes on and on and on....

***

## Overcoming Shyness

#### Esteem Others Better than Yourself

Luke 6:38 **Give and it shall be given unto you; good measure, pressed down and shaken together and running over, shall men give unto your bosom**. For with the same measure that you mete withal it shall be measured to you again.

Many feel awkward around others and wish they had more friends. The Bible gives an amazingly simple secret for overcoming shyness and having more friends.

Do you occasionally lack confidence in yourself? Are you at times uncomfortable in social situations? Do you sometimes feel shy, rejected, lonely? Well, join the crowd! Almost _everyone_ feels this way at some time in his or her life.

However, I was different. I was one of those people who felt this way _most_ of the time. If you'd looked up "self-conscious" in the dictionary, it would have had my picture. Okay, not really. But it seemed to me that almost everyone else was happy and confident, easily making friends, while I felt all alone! I didn't grow up with an outgoing, confident personality and lived much of my young life in fear of what others might think of me.

As I got older I thought that the way to get people to like and accept me was to _change_ myself—to be better dressed, better groomed, one who exhibited all the social manners and graces that society demands, well-read so I could be a better conversationalist, etc. And while these things are certainly good for all of us, they are not automatically going to make us feel accepted by others.

Many people today believe that having more self-esteem is the solution to all of our social problems. S _elf-esteem_ implies that our esteem is wrapped up within ourselves. But if that is really so, then how come we aren't all soaking in it? After all, just about everyone thinks of himself or herself _almost constantly._

But with all this thinking of ourselves, we may still feel unaccepted. So how do we overcome shyness? How can we be accepted by others? Before answering these questions, let me tell you about an incident that changed my life.

A stuck-up snob?

By the time I got to college I had decided that to be liked I should say as little around others as possible. After all, if people didn't have anything to criticize or dislike about me, they would like me, right? But that's not how people work, and one brave young man finally told me the truth. He said I came across as a stuck-up snob!

I was devastated. Me? Shy, introverted, wouldn't-hurt-a-soul, quiet, unassuming _me?_ How could it be that through all my efforts to be completely inoffensive I had managed to do the complete opposite?

This mind-numbing revelation convinced me I had to change. And in my quest to do so, I stumbled onto a key to love and friendship the likes of which I would not have believed possible. To me it seemed stranger than fiction!

I discovered this incredibly simple but oh-so-important truth: _Every person on earth has a need to be liked and accepted by others_. It is not something we can learn to live without or overcome in some way. It is a basic human need, and the first step to being accepted is to remember that _everyone_ we'll ever meet also craves this.

Focus on others

Unfortunately most people try to gain acceptance by boosting their self-esteem (without considering their own conduct) or by acting up in some way. Many boast, act silly, bad, funny, dumb, shy, proud, etc. Yet the key to love and acceptance is captured succinctly in Proverbs 18:24: "A man who has friends must himself be friendly." This simply means that if we want people to like us, _we must like them first!_ Rather than focusing on ourselves, as the self-esteem movement advises, we have to focus on others.

And herein lies the _key_ to receiving the love and acceptance we all crave: It isn't because people know _us_ better that people like us. It is because we know _them_ better that they like us! Strange but true! Philippians 2:3-4 shows us what to do: "Let nothing be done through selfish ambition or conceit, but in lowliness of mind let each esteem others better than himself. Let each of you look out not only for his own interests, but also for the interests of others."

When we show others that they are worthy of our respect and interest, they almost can't help liking us. The more we try to _get_ people to like us, usually the _less_ they actually do! But the more we like others and show that we are interested in _them_ , the more others will usually want to be around _us_.

What Jesus said

Jesus Himself confirmed this principle saying, "If you give, you will receive. Your gift will return to you in full measure, pressed down, shaken together to make room for more, and running over. Whatever measure you use in giving—large or small—it will be used to measure what is given back to you'' (Luke 6:38, New Living Translation).

When we are concerned about others instead of constantly worrying about _ourselves,_ others will be inclined to give us acceptance and friendship. (Of course we must remember that Jesus also said in John 15:20 that those who followed Him would face religious persecution.)

Every person we meet has ideas, experiences, cares and woes that he or she would so willingly share if only someone would ask—if only someone were _truly_ interested. There is nothing more delightful than to find someone who truly wants to know and understand us. Aren't you drawn to people who are interested in what you have to say, in how you think, in where you've been, in your opinions and experiences? So use that knowledge to reach out to others!

Bringing other people out of their shells is an art. And like any art, it can be learned and constantly improved. One key is to think of each person as a unique planet in the solar system—a planet that has buried treasure of new information we've never known before. Each person is a unique combination of genes, experiences, beliefs and ideals. If we will forget about ourselves for a moment, we can join in others' laughter, sense their pain and imagine their dreams.

We can ask them what they think, how they feel, where they've been, what they like, how they do things—and then we can listen, really listen—with our eyes as well as our ears. (Did you know that some 50 percent or more of what people tell us is in their body language?) We can use words that help keep them talking and show that we are not only listening but that we want to hear more. Try words and phrases like, "I see!" "I'd never thought of it that way." "Amazing!" "What happened then?" "How did you feel?" "Why...?" "When...?" "Where...?" "How...?" Of course one's interest in others must be genuine.

People who are sincerely interested in other people will be loved and accepted. And when we are concentrating on others, a most wonderful thing happens: _We forget about ourselves_! Give and it will be given to you!

***

## Miracle 'Drug' for Resentment

#### Forgiveness

Luke 6:37 **Judge not and you shall not be judged: condemn not and you shall not be condemned**

Their precious daughter had been kidnapped, raped, beaten and killed, yet the devastated parents were actually requesting an audience with the man who had perpetrated these atrocities. And standing there, in the prison that would be his home for the rest of his life, this amazing couple forgave him! When I read the account, I was stunned. I have two beautiful daughters. I'm not sure I could forgive anyone for hurting them in the slightest way, so to forgive this man all he had done!? It was and is beyond my comprehension.

But what they said made me think. When asked how they could ever forgive him, they said, "This man has taken away our most precious treasure on earth, he has nearly destroyed our family and caused uncountable pain and sorrow. _We refuse to give him one more second of our lives_."

They knew that if they continued to resent and harbor bitterness, it would eat away at their own happiness. They would use up precious time and energy on something that couldn't be changed, and it would be spent on a man unworthy of their thoughts. They had to forgive him for _their_ sakes.

Resentment and bitterness are like cancer cells that may attack a body from time to time. But if the body can't or won't resist, the disease begins eating away until health and happiness are destroyed. Love, like healthy cells, cannot grow where there is the disease of resentment, bitterness and bad feelings. _Forgiveness is the miracle 'drug' to rid your mind of the cancer of resentment._

But how do you come to a point where you _can_ forgive?

First of all, realize that forgiveness is primarily for _you_. Just like the couple mentioned above, forgiveness is your defense against destructive emotions. As long as you do not forgive, you can _never_ have complete happiness and peace. Resentment and bitterness cannot grow when the 'drug' of forgiveness is applied.

Second, unlike an actual drug you take just for yourself, forgiveness is like sunshine—it spreads itself out, healing, bringing people together, creating the right kinds of emotions. If the criminal in that jail cell had one fraction of an ounce of humanity, that incredible scene of forgiveness enacted in front of him should have brought him to his knees. In the case of friends and loved ones, forgiveness can heal breaches and open communication lines that may have been severed for years or never opened at all. Forgiveness tears down the walls that have been built by resentment and pain and allows us to finally give and receive love undiluted, undiminished.

And when the person receiving forgiveness is aware that he doesn't _deserve_ it, the effect can be astounding! When you release a loved one from the burden of the pain _he has caused you_ , it can give him a new lease on life, a joyous feeling that the love he wanted to give you no longer has the barriers of pain _he_ was responsible for inflicting. He cannot remove those barriers caused by whatever wrong he did. Only the person who is suffering the pain can remove them. And only with forgiveness.

But these are just benefits. How does one go about forgiving? And can you forgive if the other person is not repentant?

Christ had much to forgive. And very little time to come to terms with any anger or resentment. He was dying. He couldn't say, as so many of us do, 'I'll forgive them when they prove they're sorry, or ask forgiveness.' Actually Christ was aware that those responsible for his crucifixion probably would _not_ repent in their lifetime! Yet he still forgave them unconditionally, without hesitation. Remember His words? "Forgive them, Father, for they know not what they do." His words are a vital key to our own understanding of how to forgive.

First of all, Christ's forgiveness was not just for the soldiers who actually placed him on the cross. It was for the Jews and Pharisees and Pilate and all mankind too. He knew that none of those responsible for his death considered him anything more than a loony preacher man. Had they known that he was the very Son of God, do you think they would have nailed him to a tree?! No, he was just another victim of the system and they were just doing their job. They truly did not know what they were doing.

Secondly, Christ knew, from being human himself, that had he been one of them, _he would have done the same_. I think the Indian motto adds the extra dimension needed _:_ 'Don't judge a man until you've walked a mile in his moccasins.' When you can't find it in your heart to forgive, you are saying, "I would NEVER have done what he did. It is unforgivable!" Can you see that it is our _self-righteousness_ that is at fault for not forgiving? From our point of view, there is no excuse for certain behavior, (yet we readily find excuses for our own bad behavior, don't we?)

But here is the crunch: The truth is, that if you _were_ that person, with his personality, his drives, his upbringing, his situation, his emotions at that time (if you walked a mile in his moccasins)—if you _were_ him, you'd have done exactly the same thing! If you had been one of those soldiers sent to persecute that nut-case calling himself the Christ, you would have hammered the nails in his hands and feet just the same. You can't say, 'No, I would never have done that!' Maybe _you_ wouldn't. But the fact is, _you_ could have been someone else. You could have been born to be that soldier putting a sword through Christ's side. If you'd been him, you'd have done what he did. And since you _aren't_ that person and don't know his thoughts and feelings, you really cannot condemn!

But one thing for sure, you aren't better! The reason you don't do some of the terrible things that others do are many: You were born with a different personality and different drives; you had a very different upbringing; you were taught different things, you were exposed to different experiences that shaped you, etc. 'There but for the grace of God, go I' is more than a platitude. How do you know how you would react if you'd been born in poverty and beaten by an alcoholic father? How do you know how you would have handled being exceptionally beautiful and attractive to the opposite sex? If you are not at all tempted by alcohol or drugs, do you think you really understand those that are? Here is a quote we should all keep in our hearts:

" _Oh how easy it is for you to judge; you who have never been tempted."_

The things that are tempting to you may have little appeal to others and vice versa. And if you have God's Holy Spirit, you are blessed indeed. You have the tool to counter any bad emotion at any time! And yet, even with such a blessing, are you perfect? I think not.

So count your blessings if you know better, if you were taught better things, if you have learned to control your emotions, and if you have the spirit of God to help you. But realize it isn't _your_ goodness that made you understand better things, it is God's grace. Without a sound mind and Godly character dwelling in us—we are _all_ scum! Strip away your education, your wealth, your health, beauty, loving friends and family and see how wonderfully you would behave. If you don't have God's holy spirit, you won't do so well, guaranteed. Remember that when you don't think you can forgive.

Resentment eats away at happiness in yourself, it cuts off the flow of love between two people and builds a barrier of pain ever higher. Look at your own _self_ -righteousness and say, "Forgive them, for if they'd had the same understanding and blessings I do, they wouldn't do that! And besides, I also am not yet perfect!"

***

## The Indentured Servant

#### The Tenth Commandment

"My lord," Promethius said, cringing in deference and, more importantly, because of the favor he sought, "I must delay my payment for the new carriage to you for my wife is sick and the medicine is costly."

"This is the third time you have been late, friend," his lordship replied. "Why did you order a carriage if you have so little ability to pay for it? This is not the way things are done. Do you not know that I could throw you in prison until your debt is paid?"

"But my lord," he cried fearfully, "How would I ever repay you if I were in prison?"

"That would unfortunately be _your_ problem, my friend. Your family and friends would have to sacrifice and pay your debts themselves. And, if they could not, then your wife and children would be sold into slavery until they have worked off the debt."

Horrified at the thought, Promethius' eyes grew large with fear. "Take me," he cried, "I will go into slavery to pay my debts. Please don't sell my wife and children!"

Lord Romul considered and said, "Very well. You shall become my slave until your debt is paid. But know this, your hourly wage will be no more than tuppence!"

"Tuppence?! But I make three times that amount as squire at the manor! Let me keep my present employment and I can pay you twice as fast!" he begged hopefully.

"As you have paid me these past three months, my friend?" he replied dryly. "I think your irresponsible behavior has proven itself only too well. You may take my offer or go to pauper's prison. Which will it be?"

With a resigned sigh he bowed his head and quietly said, "I am your servant, sir."

Returning to his house having told his weeping wife all, he gathered the few belongings he would need, kissed his fearful children goodbye and trudged his weary way to Lord Romul's estate. His quarters were rough and barely adequate. His day started at dawn and ended when his lord retired for bed. He cleaned and swept, weeded the garden, poured the wine, pressed the oil and did a myriad of duties every lord requires daily.

He was not the only slave on the premises; indeed he shared a wooden plank bed with four other men, also debtors trying to avoid prison. Each had been foolish in their own way, buying luxuries for their friends and family before they had sufficient funds to cover times of trouble—times that inevitably come to even the best. One had suffered a fire that burned his entire harvest of corn. Another had his team of oxen suddenly die of sickness. Still another had suffered a broken leg and could not work his fields which had withered and died. The new clothes, fancy carriages, feastings or additional rooms added to their homes were meant to be paid for with money they did not yet have. Living on hope, each had learned to his and his family's detriment, that luxuries paid for with unearned wages, became a noose around one's neck.

The work was arduous and long and how their wives and children managed without them while they worked off their debt was their constant sleep companion which added immeasurably to their misery.

Not only was each man there to pay for things they had not really needed, but whichever of those luxuries could be sold to partially pay for the debt, were sold. When Promethius heard that the beautiful carriage he had ordered for his wife had been sold, he wept. Not even half the price had been offered and here he was, a slave to the rest of his foolishness. When he complained bitterly to Lord Romul he was chastened further by his lord's dry comment, "Are your wife and children unable to walk, my friend? Had you thought better than to relieve them of that necessity before you were able to pay for it outright, you would now be walking with them! "

There had been nothing to say to such a reasonable response and Prometheus walked away in remorse realizing that now he was slaving away for something he did not even own. Then it suddenly occurred to him that by not paying for it with cash, he had never really owned it at all. This revelation got him to thinking and he suddenly wondered if this was how his lord had managed to be so rich.

At the first opportunity, he humbly beseeched his lord to tell him just how he was able to live in such luxury. Lord Romul stared at Promthius for some time before answering then said kindly enough, "It is really quite simple, my friend. I never bought anything I did not really _need_ (and he emphasized the word so strongly, that Promthius felt obliged to nod that he understood); I sacrificed on every side in order to set aside enough for disasters such as all you slaves have encountered; and I bought nothing extra, be it food or clothing, until I could pay cash. Oh, and I am sure it goes without saying, I worked hard!" He smiled at Promthius, glad that someone at last was willing to learn from his betters instead of simply envying them and talking ill against them behind their backs.

From that moment Promethius began to change his ways. For the first time in his life he realized that to whatever power you put yourself under, to that power you belonged. He had wanted to live like the rich but had not realized until now that the rich only had power because they were not in debt. As long as he was in debt, his life was not his own. Every penny he earned belonged to someone else—and that with usury! They got rich while he got poorer.

He decided then and there that he would not wait till he got out of slavery to change his ways. He would work like he intended to work once he was free. Usually finished with his chores at sundown, Promethius no longer rested as the others did. He ate his meager meal, washed his wooden dishes and went into the barn. There he lit a wicker lamp and polished the leather saddles, swept the hay back into the stalls, curried the horses, made traps for the mice and saw to it that the barn and animals were as clean and well groomed as if the barn was his own. He crept under his worn blanket several hours after the others every night yet was not a minute behind them when duty called in the morning.

"Why do you work yourself to death man," taunted a fellow slave, Totillian. "The master does not require you to work after sundown and he is not paying one cent more for your trouble is he?"

"What is it to you?" Promethius replied. "If I go above and beyond my duty, is it harming you in any way? In fact, is your job not easier, my friend?" he added with a toss of his head. This was true. Things were in such good order that work had gone more smoothly each day since Promethius began his new walk. But Totillian walked away shaking his head.

When Promethius had the barn in such good order his time was not wholly taken up with it at night, he moved on to the carriage house. Here he polished and mended, cleaned and swept until the place practically shone. As the barn and carriage house needed less and less upkeep he took his lamp to the storage bins laying more traps for mice, keeping the working parts oiled and repaired and finding ways to improve the containment of grain and feed.

He took pride in his accomplishments and expected nothing in return. He was merely practicing how he would take care of such things should he ever be smart enough to own them himself. If he thought about his lord noticing his handiwork, he didn't dwell on it for he knew well that his wages were fixed and expected nothing more. So it was in great surprise that he one day found himself summoned to his lord's chamber to be commended for his good works and handed one whole extra pound for his efforts. A pound coin was like a months' work and tears came to Promethius' eyes.

"Thank you, my lord," he said, "I did not expect anything for my effort but had only decided that if I ever wished to be free of debt I would have to work much harder. I am much obliged for your wisdom...and your generosity."

Lord Romul smiled. "I am not a hard man, Promethius," he said kindly. "But most men do not ask why the rich are better off and I am impressed that you not only asked, but decided to make amends. I have noticed for some time now how well the place looks and my house servants have seen your light in the barn and carriage house at night and other places you have made more orderly. I am convinced you have learned your lesson and will never again let the want of luxuries put you under the power of other men." He let his words sink in as Promthius bowed his thanks, then added, "The pound you may send to your family for their needs. I know you must worry how they are getting on and perhaps this will salve your conscience a little."

"You are too good, my lord," Promethius said, "But I hear my family has food and drink and the house over their head is all they need. I was not alone in my wanton desire for luxuries beyond my means, if you see what I am getting at, my lord. I do not want to stir false hopes within their breasts by sending them such a princely sum as this. Indeed, I have understood what you have told me about the power of money and debt and nothing belongs to me until I no longer owe anyone anything. I beg you to put this pound towards my debt that I may be out from under your service the sooner." And he bowed low to show his sincerity.

Lord Romul looked his surprise saying, "I am mightily amazed, my friend, at what a change has come over you! This is a new man indeed! I will happily put this pound towards your debt, and more, I will pay you a pound a fortnight if you continue your extra service in the barn and carriage house. All will go towards your debt and you shall be free in a quarter of the time. You have chosen a better path than most and will find that life rewards those who are determined to be successful. Mark my words, if you continue in this way you shall one day be as rich as you like and may have funds to lend others such as I was able to lend you once.

"If your fellow slaves would learn that hard work and sacrifice bring their own reward, they too could one day be wealthy. Learn this and learn it well—never purchase one single thing except what you absolutely need to survive until you can pay cash for it with money left over for whatever unforeseen circumstances may come your way. Keep something back for mishaps and sicknesses and you will never have to borrow again. Those who borrow will never be rich nor happy. Better to be free and do without, than a debtor who is a slave. And remember, all debtors are slaves even if they are not taken from their families as you have been.

"Learn not to want more but to be content with what you have. A man is rich indeed who succeeds in fulfilling his needs without going into debt for luxuries."

Promethius did get out of debt and schooled his family in the ways of the rich refusing every luxury they pined for until he could proudly pay with cash. Hardships caused by denial seemed as nothing to him who had once been enslaved because of his own and his family's foolish spending.

The day he was able to purchase with cash the fertile field he had only once leased, he sent a bottle of wine to Lord Romul in thanks.

***

## Beautiful People

#### God Looks on the Heart

I Peter 3:3-6 Whose adorning [wives vs. 2] let it not be that outward adorning of plaiting the hair, and of wearing of gold, or of putting on of apparel; but **let it be the hidden man of the heart, in that which is not corruptible, even the ornament of a meek and quiet spirit, which is in the sight of God of great price**. For after this manner in the old time the holy women also, who trusted in God, adorned themselves, being in subjection unto their own husbands: even as Sara obeyed Abraham, calling him lord: whose daughters you are, as long as you do well, and are not afraid with any amazement.

Most of us envy the really beautiful people in the world and wish to look like them. But while I'm not necessarily advocating the movie, Gone with the Wind has a powerful message about love and beauty. The star, Scarlett O'Hara, is beautiful, talented and popular and can obviously have her pick of any man—except Ashley, the only man she really wants. Ashley chooses Melanie, a less physically attractive woman who is everything else Scarlett is not—kind, responsible, caring, honorable, virtuous and loving. Still believing that he couldn't possibly be in love with his less attractive wife, Scarlett chases and dreams of Ashley for many years. When Melanie dies, Scarlett finally realizes the truth—Ashley had always deeply loved his wife, and had never found Scarlett anything more than physically attractive.

Scarlett relied on her beauty to get her everything she wanted, yet she ended up with almost nothing. Even the man she eventually married left her in disgust at her obsession with Ashley (sorry to spoil it if you haven't seen the movie!)

While no one would wish to be plain or ugly, great beauty can actually be a stumbling block to happiness. One of the problems for those with exceptionally good looks—men or women—is the propensity to _rely_ on them and believe that their looks make them more valuable. Conceit, flirtatiousness, vanity, and constant self-absorption are just some of the pitfalls those with better-than-average looks can succumb to. When a beautiful child is told thousands of times how beautiful they are, they can easily think they need to do nothing more than _look good_.

The temptation for beautiful people to use their looks for monetary gain can also lead to indecent exposure in movies or magazines—a type of harlotry which devalues the human body. God shows the ancient nation of Israel metaphorically doing the same thing: "You were exceedingly beautiful, and succeeded to royalty. Your fame went out among the nations because of your beauty, for it was perfect through My splendor which I had bestowed on you, says the Lord God. But you _trusted in your own beauty_ , played the harlot because of your fame, and poured out your harlotry on everyone passing by who would have it." (Look up)

Even appearing in beauty contests or modeling leads to a preoccupation with looks and unwarranted feelings of envy and depression when rejected. And many beautiful women are tempted to display their beauty via immodest clothing or nudity which greatly devalues their character and true femininity. The Bible speaks about such a woman, "As a ring of gold in a swine's snout, so is a lovely woman who lacks discretion." Proverbs 11:22 (The same applies to men although they show their lack of discretion in different ways.)

A major part of Satan's downfall was his own admiration of himself. Perhaps other angel's high regard for him also led him to think more highly of himself than he ought. God says of him: "Your heart was lifted up because of your beauty; you corrupted your wisdom for the sake of your splendor; I cast you to the ground, I laid you before kings that they might gaze at you."  Ezekiel 28:17

Many beautiful people find the natural process of aging harder than others. They have been pampered, petted, admired and, perhaps, even paid because of their looks, so to see their beauty diminish makes them feel less valuable. As attention wanes for them they often go to extraordinary lengths to get it back spending thousands on face lifts, body tucks, creams, implants, Botox, etc.

The majority of celebrities are beautiful people. Yet if beauty is a key to happiness, why do so many abuse alcohol or drugs? And if it's so easy for them to find a mate because of their looks, why are so many of them divorced again and again? The two most famous icons of beauty in modern times—Marilyn Monroe and Elvis Presley—committed suicide. Michael Jackson had dozens of plastic surgeries to 'improve' his looks. Britney Spears and others in the music and movie business have had numerous problems with drugs and mental instability. What will happen to them as they age and no longer draw crowds? Might these stars have had a better chance at normalcy and happiness had they been of more average looks and therefore not promoted as sex gods and goddesses?

Beauty has been made into an idol by today's media. But look at any elderly married couple and you will know that it isn't _beauty_ that has kept them together. And anyone who thinks their looks are more important than honesty, integrity, morality, modesty and good character will end up with no lasting relationships of any kind.

True beauty is on the inside and while there's nothing wrong with being attractive on the outside—that is, after all, what usually attracts us to someone— _it isn't the 'outside' that is going_ to _get you or keep you married_. Most people won't stay long with someone who is shallow, immoral, dishonest or foolish—no matter how _good_ they look! Think about it, do you love those you are closest to —your parents, siblings, relatives, children and friends—because they are _beautiful_? Would you love them less if they became disfigured, crippled or ugly?

God loves beauty even more than we do—He _created_ it—yet He says, "But on this one will I look: On him who is poor and of a contrite spirit, and who trembles at My word. (Isaiah 66:2) To God, beauty without integrity is worthless, which is what Scarlett discovered in Gone with the Wind.

The most loved and adored person the world has ever known—and the only _perfect_ person to ever walk this earth—was _not_ one of the physically beautiful people. Christ fulfilled the prophecy of Isaiah which said He would have "no form or comeliness; and when we see Him, there is no beauty that we should desire Him." Isaiah 53:2 So why is He so beloved? Because He is the embodiment of Godly love. Christ has all the characteristics we love so deeply: maturity, wisdom, kindness, patience, acceptance, forgiveness, tolerance, humility, balance, self-control, emotional stability, etc.

Don't envy the beautiful people. They have trials, temptations and stumbling blocks which most of us will never have to face. Be content with who you are and realize that we actually love others because of their personality and character—their inner worth. Many beautiful people succumb to the media's ploy of attractiveness equating to love! Too many spend their youth sullying their reputation, succumbing to flattery and thinking they are valuable simply because they are beautiful. But how 'valuable' are they if no one truly cares about them?! Look around you—would you consider the majority of those in happy marriages 'beautiful people'?

Be as attractive as you naturally can—maintain your correct weight, get fit, dress and groom becomingly—but realize it is your _inner_ values, personality and character that people _really_ fall in love with. Beauty is only icing on the cake _if_ the 'cake' is not sullied, perverted, dishonored or full of itself. "Charm is deceitful and beauty is passing, but a woman [or man] who fears the Lord, she [he] shall be praised." Proverbs 31:30 Why? Because someone who fears the Lord is humble, respectful, honorable, loving, kind, patient, responsible, gracious—and these are the things we truly admire and love in others.

***

## Women and Dress

#### Modesty

Every woman has to make a choices when it comes to fashion: she can either look sexy (and therefore 'sleazy') or feminine (and therefore 'classy'). When a woman chooses to reveal _any part_ of the intimate parts of her body (breasts, thighs, belly, behind) she may as well pin a sign to her chest that says, "I'm sexy and ready and willing to have sex" for that is what men believe when they see such a woman! The old argument, "But that's the fashion!" doesn't hold a drop of water. It obviously isn't Godly men and women who have designed such clothes! And we all must choose whether we will follow Satan or God.

A woman that dresses in anything revealing will get a lot of attention—guaranteed. However, the attention will not be for _her_ but for what she is advertising-sex! And every man knows she is not 'advertising' to him alone but to all men alike.

While a lot of women like to feel the power such sexy dress seems to have over men, a lot of men resent it. Sure, a woman may have the power to get a guy's sexual attention but since she obviously does not intend to have sex with every man who is interested, they often will resent the 'invitation'. It can also be extremely dangerous, for if a woman gets some men's lust stirred, she may end up getting raped! And rape often leads to murder.

It's easy to look sexy in today's culture. Magazines scream it and TV, movies and the music industry purport it. Young women especially might think they're missing out if they don't conform to the world's standards. But will you really?

Here's what guys say about women who dress in revealing or arousing attire:

"Sure I like to see women in sexy clothes! I'd like to sidle right up to every one of them and ask, 'Ooh baby, what are you doing tonight? How about you and me getting' naked'!"

"A woman that shows off too much skin or wears too tight clothes says one thing to me, 'I don't have anything else to offer but my body'. A lot of guys will be only too eager to take advantage of such an insecure and obviously weak woman. But those kind of women are a dime a dozen to me! I might dance with 'em but a serious relationship? Nah!"

"I don't get it with women! They dress like they want us men to think they're really into sex, then when we act like we are too, they slap us! What gives?"

"Hey, she was advertising sex and I applied for the 'job'—what's she so mad about?"

I'll tell you a little secret: Virtually ALL men want a feminine woman. And just being feminine is completely sexy to men.

Women of all ages should dress in a manner that does not bring attention to any part of their body. They can't expose themselves and then get mad when men look, anymore than someone who carries around a pet tiger could expect people not to notice. In fact, you can liken it to a guy in a really super-duper hot car. Most women (and men) will indeed look at the guy in the car, and some women will be immensely attracted to him simply because he's in it. But girls, if a guy has to have some snazzy personal belonging for you to be interested in him, how shallow are you? And what's wrong with him that

As the Country Western song says, "There ain't no such thing as a girl too classy!"

Aim to look innocent and sweet—that kind of femininity is much more _lastingly_ irresistible than sexy attire. It's classy and speaks to a man of love and romance instead of lust and sex. If all you want is men after you for sex, you'll get it. But if you want a man to love you for yourself—your personality and character—dress that way! Dress for what you are after! Do you want a wonderful man to get to know and love you and express his love through sex after you are married? Or are you just interested in having sex on the first or second date?

Always dress for what you want for yourself and forget about those other silly and foolish women who strut around like street walkers. Be unusual—be classy!

***

## Women: What are You 'Selling'?

#### Modesty

You stop to look in a store window at pictures of handmade chocolates, creamy fudges and deliciously rich ice cream. Every poster shows a luscious concoction of fattening, sugar-laden, high-calorie treats designed to cause even the strongest proponents of healthy eating to drool. Proving that advertising really works, you step inside the store, mouth watering, only to find shelves and counters stacked with fresh fruits and vegetables, wheat grass, brewer's yeast and a multitude of vitamins.

Would you consider this false advertising? Of course! Are you angry at being deceived? You bet! Doesn't it seem obvious that a Health Food store should advertise what they're actually selling? Of course!

But like unto this store is a woman who dresses to entice yet has no intention of providing the commodity she is advertising! A lot of women dress as an advertisement for sex, yet are incensed when men instinctively gawk and show they'd like to 'apply for the position'.

A woman has a choice: She can either dress to in a way that is distinctly feminine, or overtly sexy (Though, yes, some women strive for neither!) Whether she knows it or not, any woman who shows cleavage, too much leg, or bare midriff is _advertising_ her sexuality. She could be the most moral, upstanding, virtuous woman in town, but if she dresses provocatively, her outward appearance says to men: ' I want you to find me sexy because I like sex, I want sex,'! Many women—not just young women either!—fall prey to society's immoral fashions without realizing what it's saying about them. They dress in clothing designed to engender lust and then are offended when men show they are lusting!

There's not much difference today between a lot of the clothing in the stores and the outfits prostitutes wear. And though obviously men know that it is fairly standard 'fashion' to dress in a sexual manner, they also know that you still have a _choice._ It seems logical to them that a woman who casually shows herself off in any kind of sexual way would also be OK with casual sex. She's not showing a lot of respect for her body, so why should he?!

Most women who dress provocatively are guilty of false advertising—they don't really intend to 'give out' sexually to anyone. So why do they do it? Because they want to be 'fashionable'; they think they look good; they're influenced by the way celebrities dress; and/or they get a lot of attention from men.

Men are wired—by God—to react to visual stimuli. They can't help it and have to fight sexual temptation all of their lives. Women who dress to be tempting sexually only fan the fires of men's God-given natures. Because women aren't 'wired' that way, they often just don't understand what they're doing. The truth is that men react to a woman very much in the way _she_ dictates by her clothes and manner. A woman that wants men to treat her like a lady—with respect and as a person rather than an object—must dress and act like a lady.

But here's a little secret about men: God also gave men a natural desire to protect, care for and respect a woman who shows by her manner and dress that she is worthy of being protected, cared for and respected. A truly feminine woman who dresses modestly and demurely is very attractive to men but in a quite different manner to a woman who blatantly shows off her body. She may not get as much attention but the attention she does get will be of far greater value. She will be treated as a person—someone a man wants to get to know better—and is far more likely to be the type that decent men will fall in love with. True lasting love _cannot_ exist without respect!

There's a country western song that says, "There's no such thing as a girl too classy!" Men can and do 'fool around' with women who act and look 'loose' but they often do so without any lasting feelings for her. And although women might think men are simple, they're certainly not stupid! A man knows that any girl who parades her body for him to see is also doing it for _all_ men to see. He knows that any woman who fools around sexually with him, has done or will do the same with others. No matter how society tries to be free of God's standards, no man wants a girl that's 'been around'.

Do you want to dress like a girl that _looks_ like she's 'been around', a girl that _looks_ like she's offering sex? Or do you want to dress like a girl that deserves respect, a girl who is classy? As the proverb says, " _As_ a ring of gold in a swine's snout, _so is_ a lovely woman who lacks discretion (good taste, good judgment)." Proverbs 11:22

A rule of thumb for all women who would be classy is this: Dress in clothes tight enough and feminine enough to show you're a woman, and loose enough and concealing enough to show you're a lady.

If you want to appeal to men in the right way, dress as femininely as you possibly can. The clothes that are especially meant for women—skirts and dresses, soft flowing materials, ruffles and lace—especially appeal to men because it is so opposite to their masculinity. It is the oppositeness of women that is so appealing to men. A woman who is soft and sweet and wears modest feminine clothing causes men to feel more masculine and protective of her. And God meant for men to feel protective of women. A woman who dresses or acts in a provocative manner does not create that feeling of protectiveness in men—far from it! In fact, appealing to men's sexual nature can be downright dangerous! Some men become quite angry if a woman advertises sex yet won't 'give out'.

It's your choice. You can appeal to men's better nature and dress and act like an angel or you can appeal to his baser nature and dress and act like a sex object. The first will get you respect and honor and the label of "classy"; the second will get you plenty of the wrong kind of attention and the label of "easy". S'up to you! What are you selling?

***

## You can't Close My Door!

#### Friendship

 James 3:18 **Now the fruit of** **righteousness** **is sown in peace by those who make peace**.

" **A** **friend** **loves at all times** ..." (Proverbs 17:17) " **A man who has friends must himself be friendly, but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother**." (Proverbs 18:24)

In the aftermath of Tracy's divorce, a previously close friend began acting cool towards her. She figured out that that her friend had chosen sides in favor of her ex. It would have been easy to just write her off in hurt and disappointment. Instead she wrote her a letter and here's what she said:

"I can tell that things are not the same between us as they used to be before my divorce. Divorce causes heartache for so many people and I'm very sad it has caused a rift between us. I understand that friends often feel a need to take sides but I want you to know that I will always love you and remember all the wonderful times we've had together. I love and respect you and if you feel that in being a friend to my ex you can't also be friends with me, I understand. I just want you to know that, as far as I'm concerned, nothing has changed. For me, our friendship is like connecting doors in a hotel suite. Both doors can be unlocked and open or either door can be locked. Under the circumstances you may feel a need to lock your door. But at any time in the future if you decide to try my door, you will find it open. Your friend always, Tracy"

All relationships have two sides. No one can end your side of a friendship except _you_ , for only you can close your door. Parents, children, sisters, brothers and friends may sometimes close and lock their door on your relationship but that's only one side of the relationship! Apologize if there's anything you've done wrong then let them know that your door is unlocked and open and watch what happens.

Very soon after receiving Tracy's letter, her friend 'unlocked her door' and, to this day, their friendship is strong. It may not work that way with all relationships and some relationships should not be continued, but if you want to remain friends, keep your door open and unlocked!

***

## Do people at Church seem to avoid you?

#### Esteem Others Better than Yourself

Philippians 2:1-4 If there be therefore any consolation in Christ, if any comfort of love, if any fellowship of the Spirit, if any bowels and mercies, fulfill you my joy, that you be likeminded, having the same love, being of one accord, of one mind. Let nothing be done through strife or vainglory; but **in lowliness of** **mind let each esteem other better than themselves. Look not every man on his own things, but every man also on the things of others**.

If people at Church seem to avoid you, maybe it's because you talk too much! If you constantly dominate the conversation, most people will _try to get away_! And when friends know that certain people only want to talk and not to listen, they usually try to avoid them.

If you don't seem interested enough to ask other people some questions or ask for their opinion, you aren't conversing, _you're lecturing_. If all a group usually hears is YOUR opinion and what YOU have done and how YOU feel about things, they may listen politely but they will most likely be bored. A good conversationalist brings other people out, gets their opinions and finds out about them—he certainly doesn't do all the talking!

Listen to yourself next time you are in a social setting and see if you let anyone talk as much as you do. Do you ask them questions about themselves? Are you even interested in their opinion? And do you always talk about the same thing? Some repeat the same information to the same people over and over and over. Again, that's lecturing, not conversing.

Do you really want people to avoid you because you take over the conversation and basically lecture everyone? Why not try to find out about other people, what they think, how they feel? People like people who like people. And that means they _show by listening_ that they are interested in them.

People really don't care how much you know until they know how much you care!

***

## Shame on Me!

#### Judging

Luke 6:37 **Judge not and you shall not be judged: condemn not and you shall not be condemned**

He'd only been working in the little shop a few months and there was nothing unusual about him—up till now. Today, as I stood in line to get my weekly order, I couldn't help staring. I noticed that everyone who came in was also taken aback. He seemed a little cocky to me standing there, not more than eighteen years old, completely, shiningly bald!

To me, it was just another sign of the times; kids would do anything for attention, anything to buck the establishment. I was immediately annoyed. He seemed a nice enough kid but why go to such an extreme just to be different, to be noticed? For that is surely what those kids do it for, isn't it?

'He's probably rebellious and a real rabble rouser,' I thought. 'What a travesty that kids are allowed to get away with such things. Surely their parents can do better than that!' And so my thoughts ran on as I waited my turn to be served. When I got to the head of the line, he took my order. I couldn't help myself from commenting on his baldness but thought I was being especially tolerant as I asked with a strong tinge of sarcasm, "So, is this your _new_ _hairstyle_?"

I wish I could have crawled under a rock for the shame I felt when he replied. I will never forget how my self-righteous judging turned to pity and self-loathing as he quietly replied, "Oh no, this is just the effect of chemotherapy. My hair will grow back in a few months."

That young man may have had many trials to go through in his bout with cancer but surely _it is_ _I_ that had the most to learn! "Judge not that you be not judged!"

***

## Suffer The Little Children...

#### Judging

The first time Carlene attended our local Sabbath service, I was a little taken aback. She was wearing men's slacks, a man's country western shirt and loafers. Her hair was short (shorn some would say) and there was very little about her that was feminine. She spoke and laughed rather loudly like someone not used to being quiet. However, as I got to know her, I learned she had been a camp director for a wilderness camp for young people and had managed a horse ranch most of her life. Her dress and behavior were very appropriate for those venues.

She talked to me about the expected dress for church and I gave her the principle that we put on our best to come before God. Understanding that the slacks and shirt she was wearing were the best she had, I did not pursue the subject further. We never discussed hair length or shoes nor did I feel we ever needed to. Her heart was more important than fitting in with whatever dress standard the rest of the congregation set. And it was clear she was delighted to be in Church and anxious to learn of God.

But not everyone was so accepting. I heard comments from some of the members that they thought she should be told to wear a dress or at least pants suitable for a woman. Some felt it was ungodly for her to wear slacks made for men. Others were more concerned with her hair and somewhat masculine behavior. I tried to make them understand that having lived on a remote ranch most of her life, she was different from them and that we shouldn't be so concerned with her attire or hair as she truly wanted to know more about God and His way. I said that if God saw a need for her to change He would work with her in His way. But I felt sure some would talk to the minister about her even so.

After a few Sabbaths one particular woman told me that Carlene was acting inappropriately towards some of the brethren in the church. She got this notion, I suppose, because Carlene liked to touch people on the arm or shoulder when making a point. She was obviously a very earthy woman and had told me she slapped the ranch hands on the back when telling them stories or congratulating them on work well done. She'd often put her hand on my shoulder when telling me a particularly funny story. But I saw nothing in it. We all touched and hugged each other in greeting and no one had ever complained about such things before. God calls all sorts of people and, to my mind, though she might have been a little child where Godly things were concerned, she was being called, of that I felt certain.

Sadly some of the congregation just could not accept someone so 'odd' and more unsavory comments spread throughout the congregation. Inevitably, of course, Carlene heard them. She called me in tears that day telling me of the awful rumors she'd heard. She'd thought she'd found God's Church, she said, and had never expected to be treated like an outcast amongst _God's people_. I tried to console her and make her understand we weren't all that way, but the damage had been done. She didn't feel comfortable coming back to a church where people labeled others without even knowing them. She left never to return.

Some in our congregations might seem odd, wear clothes unsuitable to us, or do things we are uncomfortable with, such as talk too loudly, stand too close or have some strange habit we don't like. But if God is calling them, who are we to reject them? Are we not _all_ the weak of the world?

Did those women who spread rumors about Carlene know that she was married with two grown children? Did they know that her husband had been very much against her coming to Church, and that each Sabbath she'd had to travel over a hundred miles to attend? Did they know she had no extra money for clothes and had sold some personal items in order to pay for her transportation?

We're a family. We need to nurture and accept ALL of God's people. Instead of shunning those that seem odd or unsociable, we need to get to know them and love them—after all God does! The instruction in 1 Peter 4:9 to: 'Use hospitality one to another without grudging" is for Church services too!

I wonder, would some of those same intolerant people in our congregation have welcomed into their midst a despised tax collector, a couple of crude Galilean fishermen, or a Hellenist Greek doctor? Or, for that matter, what about an outspoken Jewish carpenter from Nazareth?

" _Take heed that ye despise not one of these little ones; for I say unto you, That in heaven their angels do always behold the face of my Father which is in heaven."_ Matthew 18:10

***

## Are we Really Supposed to 'Judge Not'?

#### Judging

Your friend steals a sweater from a clothing store; your brother cheats on a test—you know these things are against God's laws. But in Matthew 7:1 Christ told us to: "Judge not that you be not judged." But we do know when something is wrong! So what did He mean by this verse?

As in most other places where the word, 'judge' is used in the New Testament, it is translated from the Greek word, 'krino' which, like our own word, 'judge' has more than one meaning. Krino can mean "to discern or decide"; or it can mean "to try, punish or condemn". In one scripture Christ said He came not to 'judge' the world and in another He said He 'judged' with righteous judgment. These are not contradictory; it's just that the translators did not use the correct meaning from the Greek. In the first scripture, 'judge' should have been translated 'condemn' or 'punish'; in the other it should have been translated 'decide' or 'discern'.

"Condemn not that you be not condemned" would be a far better translation than "Judge not that you be not judged." Because we MUST be able to discern what sin is! To the men who had brought a woman caught in adultery Christ said, "Whosoever among you is without sin, let him cast the first stone." (John 8:7) Even the self-righteous Pharisees couldn't pick up a stone to condemn her to death after that comment!

No, we all deserve to die for our sins many times over, so we better not be 'casting any stones at' (condemning) those around us! However, even though Christ told the adulterous woman He did not condemn her, He told her to "Go and sin no more." He 'judged' (discerned) that her actions were sin but He did not 'judge' (condemn) her as worthy of death.

Condemning is imputing motives; it's making decisions as to whether a person is good or evil. Saying things like, "Well, he's obviously not a Christian," or, "There's not a loving bone in his body," or "He's an evil person," are implying that you know things only God could know. There's only One who knows men's hearts.

The key is to judge the sin and NOT condemn the sinner! And always remember—'judging' someone else's sin doesn't make our own sins less evil—not one little bit! God doesn't judge sin on some kind of sliding scale. He's not going to say, "Well done, Rick. Your sins aren't nearly as bad as your neighbor, Bob's!"

While we must constantly judge what we see around us—discerning right from wrong—even more, we must search our own hearts and actions and root sin from our lives. Only then will we not be condemned by God Himself. "If we would judge (discern evil in) ourselves, we should not be judged (condemned)." I Corinthians 11:31

***

## What is Your "Ministry"?

#### Love One Another

John 13:34-35 A new commandment I give unto you, That you love one another; as I have loved you, that you also love one another. **By this shall all men know that you are my disciples, if you have love one to another**.

The majority of any congregation are not ordained, do not have the opportunity to give sermons or Bible studies, and have none of the gifts Paul says we should "earnestly desire"—healing, preaching, working miracles, prophesying, speaking in tongues, interpreting. (I Corinthians 12) Many people may not feel they have any kind of 'ministry' at all. Yet we've all been given the "ministry of reconciliation", and are expected to be found 'so doing' when Christ returns. (II Corinthians 5:18; Matthew 24:46) So what 'ministry' can a regular member fulfill?

Of course our example—being a 'light'—is the primary way others learn from us and is more effective (or devastating) than anything we say. (Matthew 5:16) And it is important to remember that 'lights' are usually silent. After telling us to "earnestly desire" the spiritual gifts of preaching, prophesying, understanding, knowledge, giving of goods and even great faith, Paul says: "... yet I show you a more excellent way." (I Corinthians 12:31) He continues in Chapter 13 to show how spiritual gifts cannot be compared to love.

And a very important aspect of love, as outlined in Galatians 6:2, is a 'ministry' any of us can shoulder: "Bear one another's burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ." There is only one way to find out what one another's burdens are—we must _listen_. That's where that _quiet_ shining light comes in!

Lending an ear, being understanding and genuinely interested is one of the most effective ways anyone can minister to the brethren. Most Brethren don't want or need more sermons, private lectures or Bible studies after Church. They need sincere concern and our undivided attention. They need us to _listen_ so we will know what their burdens are and by simply listening, we share them. "God composed the body...that the members should have the same care for one another. And if one member suffers, all the members suffer with it; or if one member is honored, all the members rejoice with it." I Corinthians 12:24-26 In order to know if someone is suffering or rejoicing you must listen carefully and ask the right questions.

We can't all preach. We can't all write. We can't all be on radio or TV. But these aren't the things Christ said would set us apart as His disciples! Here is how He said we would be recognized: "By this all will know that you are My disciples, _if you have love for one another_." (John 13:35)

Listening takes patience and genuine concern but it is a truly great ministry of love that everyone can take part in. And since we will one day be ministering to the whole of creation, _we need the practice_! Our personal ministry in the Church is to set a good example and "through love serve one another". (Galatians 5:13) There's no better way to serve than taking the time to _listen_.

The greatest conversationalist isn't the one doing the most talking!

***

## Is Every Trial also a Test?

#### Judging

John 9:3 **Neither this man nor his parents sinned, but that the works of God should be revealed in him**.

Accidents, disease, death, loss, failure, rejection—are such trials allowed because of the _sins_ in our lives? Some Christians believe that every trial has been brought to them or others personally by God in order to bring to light something they need to work on, some sin, some neglect or blind spot. Is this true?

Both parents must have wondered all their lives what sin they had committed when their precious baby boy was born blind. To have to take care of a child that had never seen and would never see must have been a real trial. There was so much they couldn't share with him, so many more dangers he had to face. Yet, through much suffering and difficulty on both sides, he made it into manhood and into the only 'job' he could find—begging.

And so it was that he sat asking for alms on the day that Christ and His disciples passed by. The disciples questioned Christ according to the typical understanding of the day—was it the man himself that had sinned, or his parents? They were sure _sin_ was at fault in some way and that someone had a big lesson they needed to learn.

Christ must have stunned them with His response for He said, "Neither this man nor his parents sinned, but that the works of God should be revealed in him." (John 9:3) Then He proceeded to heal the blind man and later made him a disciple.

In all of life, there are always lessons we can learn and we all have sins we need to repent of. But there isn't always a 'cause and effect' relationship between specific trials and sins. There is no justification whatsoever for anyone to think that someone who is enduring a trial has some terrible sin they need to repent of or some huge lesson they need to learn! There's no way possible that the man born blind could have sinned before birth and been the 'cause' of his trial. The fact that the disciples would even ask such a question shows how they had been deceived into thinking that sin had to be involved—an idea the Pharisees probably promoted.

The truth is we live in an imperfect world where accidents and tragedy are just part of being human. God cannot form a barrier around us so that we never experience those things common to man—we wouldn't be able to empathize and we'd be unbearably smug and proud. What we always need to learn in trials is that this world is not a friendly place, that God has a far better future for us, and that we are mortal and need God desperately. Sometimes of course there is also a personal lesson we need to learn or a character flaw we need to correct—God does chasten us! (Revelation 3:19) But, like the man born blind, trials can simply be used to show God's glory and power and have nothing to do with personal sin.

***

## An Education in Sin

#### Seeking Righteousness

**For** **it is shameful even to speak of those things which are done by them in secret.** Ephesians 5:12 NKJV

"You need to watch more TV," my friend told me. "You've got your head in the sand! How are you going to help 'sinners' if you don't know anything about them?"

"If you mean watch those shows and movies that are R-rated," I protested, "I don't want to watch such garbage."

"Oh come on," he said, "That's the real world. You can't go around with blinders on!"

Was he right? I've pondered his arguments many times. Do I really need to have the inside track on those I'm trying to help? Does the Bible anywhere tell us to involve ourselves with depravity and sin so we know how to deal with it? Is that what Christ would have us do?

My friend is not right. Christ is good and wholesome and pure, and I am His. I want to fill my mind with His righteousness and only then can I impart such truth to those I meet. I don't need to ' _understand'_ sin, I need to be filled with holiness. And holiness has little to do with watching sin in R-rated films or books.

We need to guard our minds and our eyes from wickedness and rather dwell on that which is Godly.

"Finally, brethren, whatever things are true, whatever things are noble, whatever things are just, whatever things are pure, whatever things are lovely, whatever things are of good report, if there is any virtue and if there is anything praiseworthy--meditate on these things.." (Philippians 4:8 NKJV)

It's easy to find sin. Let our search be for righteousness!

***

## Have You Ever Thought of Murder?

#### Meditation

His girlfriend's honor was at stake. And the jerk now lying at his feet with a bullet wound in his chest was proof that he would stand up for her! A bullet had easily gotten rid of that guy's rudeness—Godfather style!

But something was wrong. He was being arrested! He'd thought he'd be honored and respected for his great bravado—like in the movies! But this wasn't a movie and he hadn't stopped to really consider the consequences of his actions.

Murder is often a result of anger and hate and while you've probably never seriously entertained the thought of murder, we're all tempted to sin. And sin _always_ starts in the mind. Often sin doesn't seem like a big deal nor even wrong sometimes...unless and until you take the time to think through the results.

_Meditation or 'what If-ing' is a key to keeping us from sin._ Because, as with the young man above, most of us don't think much about what comes _after_ we've sinned. We only think of some temporary pleasure we want _right now_. But unless sin is _stopped_ in the mind we _will_ suffer the consequences!

If a man or woman is tempted to cheat on their mate most don't think through the whole awful process that will follow—the pain, sorrow, guilt and broken trust. If they really considered the end result they'd probably never go down that road. However long the moment of pleasure lasts, the next day and the months and years to follow are what we have to live with. _That_ is what we should be thinking about! Unwanted pregnancy, drug addiction, STDs, guilt, hurt, pain—these are the results of sin.

David meditated on God's law. And he discovered that the end result of _keeping_ God's commands always ended in good, whereas the end result of sin—the transgression of God's laws—always ended in pain and sorrow. That he didn't always follow his own good understanding is evident from the numbering of Israel and his disastrous relationship with Bathsheba, but he certainly found out firsthand about the consequences for sin! (Read his story in II Samuel & I Kings)

We've been given the opportunity to make choices. And the more often we choose to not sin, the happier we will be. Sin always leads to pain, sorrow and unhappiness, and no matter how pleasurable it may seem for the moment, it just isn't worth it, if we'll only stop to think about it! Meditate on God's laws and choose His ways because:

Fun is only fun when it's still fun the next day and the next and the next...

***

## Love Without Works is Dead!

#### Seeking God's Will

Matthew 7:21-23 Many will say to me in that day, Lord, Lord, have we not prophesied in your name? And in your name have cast out devils? And in your name done many wonderful works? And then will I profess unto them, I never knew you: depart from me, you that work iniquity.

The couple stood in the police station, frightened and bewildered. Tears streamed down Mrs. Johnson's face as she leaned on her husband for support. He was pale and drawn, with sadness etched deep in his eyes. Their only son, their beloved Jimmy, the idol of their lives, had been arrested for the murder of a store clerk. An attempted robbery had gone wrong and fear had driven him to murder. Here in the police station he also admitted he'd been stealing from his parents for some time too. He faced, at best, a life in prison. He was only twenty-one.

The trial was full of broken sobs and anguished sighs from both his parents. Mrs. Johnson kept wringing her hands and wondering out loud where they'd gone wrong. Mr. Johnson just kept his head in his hands shaking it in disbelief. And Jimmy wouldn't even look at them. He sat with sullen, angry eyes, staring straight ahead.

When his mother was called to the witness stand and began telling the court of his growing up years and all she'd done for her son, he looked pointedly the other way—until the moment she mentioned her love for him. Then Jimmy's eyes riveted to hers and he jumped to his feet, out of order. "Loved me?" he screamed angrily, "When did you ever love me?!" The hammering gavel and Jimmy's lawyer interrupted him and he was pulled back down into his seat by force. But Jimmy's eyes still smoked defiance.

His mother sat stunned, her mouth open in disbelief. "B...but Jimmy," she coaxed, near tears, "You had to know how much your father and I loved you. W...why, we gave you everything. You had all the latest toys, all the best clothes. I cooked your favorite foods and sent you to a private school. H...how can you say we didn't love you?" Her tone was pleading, bewildered, hurt.

Breaking precedent, the judge turned to Jimmy. "Well?" he asked, not unkindly. Jimmy didn't stand, he fixed his eyes on his mother and spoke with unrestrained hostility. "Where were you when I broke my arm at the day center?" he demanded. "Where were you when I hit my first home-run in little league? Where were you when my best friend, Brett, moved away? Where were you when all the other mothers baked cookies to raise money for band uniforms? How come I wasn't allowed to have friends over to play? How come it was Brett's dad that taught me how to hit a ball? Where were you!?"

In the hushed silence of the courtroom, the judge looked over at Mrs. Johnson with raised eyebrow. She was even more stunned. "Y...your dad and I were busy with our business," she stuttered, "b...but you had to know we loved you. We did! We really did!"

"Yeah," Jimmy spat at her, "Well, how come _I_ _didn't_ _know it_?! Huh?! Answer me that! What good is your saying you loved me if I didn't feel it?! I don't need that kind of love!"

With that, the Johnson's testimony ended. Their son didn't feel their love, no matter how much they may have loved him. And what use is love that can't be felt or seen? **Jimmy needed to have love on his level, in his way** , in a way that showed him, without a doubt, that he was indeed loved. Toys, clothes, private schools, empty promises, and money were not at all how he needed to be loved. He needed what all children need: affection, playing with, spending time with, teaching, disciplining, going places with—there are _no_ substitutions.

But wait, I know what you might be thinking!—you're thinking this article is just for parents! Perhaps you don't even have children or your children were definitely loved in the way they needed to be. I hope they were. That is commendable. But loving in a way that can be seen and felt is a principle that also applies to spouses, friends and family, as well as children. This story could be about any of them.

And it is. But there is still one other that we may not be loving in the way that we should! And that someone is our Heavenly Father. Each of us needs to ask ourselves this question: 'How do I show my love for God?' _Because, if we cannot love our children or our spouse or our friends any old way WE want to, can we love our God—our very Creator—in whatever way WE please?_

This is a very legitimate question and the Bible answers it for us again and again: "Why do you call me Lord and do not the things I say?" "If you love me, keep my commandments." "He that loves not his brother, loves not me." "He that says he loves me and keeps not my commandments is a liar and the truth is not in him." "In vain do they worship me, teaching for doctrines the commandments of men."

To find out exactly how God expects us, his children, to love Him, we need to study God's very Word—the Bible. Notice the strong warning in Matthew 7:21-23 of what Christ will tell some at His second coming: "Many will say to me in that day, Lord, Lord, have we not prophesied in your name? And in your name have cast out devils? And in your name done many wonderful works? And then will I profess unto them, I never knew you: depart from me, you that work iniquity."

It is up to us to get to know Him and how He wants us to love Him! "Study to show yourself approved; a workman that needs not be ashamed, rightly dividing the Word of Truth." II Timothy 2:15

***

## The World is Full of Apathy—but Who Cares?

#### Becoming More Like Christ

The movie theater is almost full. The movie has been running for only 10 minutes when the camera pans in to show two men kissing each other on the lips. A man near the front involuntarily lets out a "Yuck!" and behind him simultaneously, two girls exclaim in a whisper, "That's disgusting!"

The movie continues and bad language is obviously one of the reasons this film was rated "R". At the 15-minute mark, a sex scene is unfolding between a near-naked man and woman. Three couples near the back get up and walk out. In the next five minutes ten more people leave the theater complaining under their breath. And, as the bad language and R-rated scenes continue, 95% of the audience walk out and demand their money back.

A scene you're ever likely to see? Only in a movie, I'm afraid. Is it because everyone who goes to movies _likes_ to be inundated with sex, perversion, violence and bad language? No. Actually the majority of people in the world are really decent folk with traditional values and mores and would definitely prefer less of the "R" rated stuff in movies. But they all figure that it's here to stay and if they want to see certain movies they'll just have to put up with it.

Right?

Wrong!

Now I'm not saying that just because you personally walk out of a movie, that theater will no longer show it, but I am certain that if _enough_ people walked out of a movie, they _would stop_. It all starts with you. You have a choice every time. Either you stand up for what you believe or you follow the crowd. After all, _If any supermarket stocked their shelves with garbage such as moldy carrots or maggoty ground beef, how long do you think they'd stay in business?_

Have you ever listened to and politely laughed at a dirty joke because you 'didn't want to offend'?! Isn't it obvious that if you support that with which you do not agree, not only will it continue but you will always be expected to participate?! Why balk at another dirty joke if you've already put up with one?!

Will you watch a sit-com on TV that has only a _little_ filth in it? Beware! For that _little_ may seem insignificant soon and then the much worse stuff you thought was once completely unacceptable will seem _little_ and so you will go on, accepting and adopting worldly values until you as a Christian can't be distinguished from those who aren't.

A Christian is one who practices the way of God in all aspects of his life, even when no one is watching. God hates depravity, adultery, violence, filthy language. Do you? Do you really sigh and cry for the abominations of this world? Or do you rather like hearing about them? Do you really see that most TV shows mock everything good about families, marriage and sex? Or do you just sit and laugh at the perverted humor like everyone else? Do you really think jokes about homosexuality are funny when it is an abomination to God?

God made sex and marriage and family. He IS a family and we are His children. No wonder Satan is doing his best to destroy everything that has anything to do with family. We have unisex clothing, perfume and hairstyles, we have same sex couples adopting children, and innumerable shows and movies constantly poking fun at and perverting wholesome marriages and families. And now there is a threat to undermine the traditional marriage union of a man and a woman as set by God in the Bible. He is not pleased and neither should we be.

But whether it's rotten TV, explicit movies, filthy music, bad books, dirty jokes, junk food, or harmful recreational drugs, all rely on one thing: Supply and demand. We are the consumers. _If we buy, they will sell._ There are so many really wonderful movies, books, CD's, computer games, and the like. If we insist on watching and buying ONLY those that match the Christian standards, we WILL make a mark. The millions of professing Christians in the world are a force to be reckoned with. If only we'd stand up and be counted!! But as long as we put up with a _little_ filth, a _little_ violence, a _little_ sex, because 'that's just the world today,' we will be continually bombarded with it. And, what's more, it WILL get worse. Guaranteed.

Will you or I cause the music or movie industry to change? Probably not, but we WILL affect others. People that don't have the courage to stand up for their beliefs, will be en _c_ ouraged by your example. Never underestimate your example. Never. And besides, if the Christians on this planet won't take a stand against filth, who is going to!?

Don't just follow the crowd as they follow Satan's lead—follow the true Shepherd. Make a stand for what you believe in. Don't compromise on any of your values or, like the frog that is placed in a pan of slowly heating water and doesn't notice the rising heat until it's too late, so you will be sucked into more and more filth until you, yourself don't know the difference. Always ask yourself: Would I be embarrassed if Christ joined me as I watch that movie or TV show, read that book, hear that joke, or look at that magazine?

Are you really following Christ or Satan, the god of this world? (II Corinthians 4:3-4)

***

## Fellowshipping at Church

#### How to be a Good Conversationalist

"Give and it will be given to you: good measure, pressed down, shaken together, and running over will be put into your bosom. For with the same measure that you use, it will be measured back to you." Luke 6:38

The first rule of fellowship is to remember that _you should not usually do most of the talking._ If you truly want others to feel welcome and accepted—which should always be your goal—you need to let them talk too. There may be times when the other person or persons in the group just won't talk no matter how you try to bring them out. For a short while you may need to fill the gap, but _most_ of the time your goal should be to get other people to talk.

And one way to get others to talk is to ask them about the one subject they know more about than anyone else in the world—themselves. Getting a conversation started is the hardest part of conversing and it's a good idea to have several questions at the ready. Finding an area that your conversation partner is really interested in is the key and you may have to skirt a lot of subjects to find one. But keep asking and listening and see if their eyes don't light up at some point or other. Then pursue the subject with more in-depth questions and soon you'll be talking like a house on fire! Or rather, hopefully, you will be _listening_ like a house on fire!

Here is a partial list of questions you might want to keep in mind to get the conversation started, depending on the occasion:

Where do you live?

What do you do for a living?

Does this kind of weather suit you?

Do you have children/grandchildren?

Have you attended here long?

Do any of your relatives attend here?

How did you find this church?

How do like the music?

How did you like the sermon?

Is your husband/wife/boyfriend/girlfriend here?

What do you do in your spare time?

Have you been on vacation this year?

What do you think about (name something in the news)?

There are many hundreds more questions you could ask but this should be a good start to your list. For a long time I actually kept my list with me to refer to in between conversations. Eventually it became second nature to ask such starter questions.

Once you've asked a question, there is one extremely important thing you must do: LISTEN. Do not be thinking about your reply or some cute comment you're going to make next, until you have listened intently to the answer to your question. Because the answer may very well contain the content of your very next question and a follow-up question can lead to much more discussion.

Using the questions above you could follow up with some of these questions:

Where do you live?

How do you like it there?

How long have you lived there?

Where did you live before that?

Are there any big cities nearby?

Are the schools good there?

Do you have to go far for your job?

Do you have any relatives nearby?

How did you choose that particular city?

Is there a beach/ski resort/hiking trails/camping nearby?

Do you have anything special that attracts visitors to your city?

What do you do for a living?

How long have your worked there?

Do you enjoy your work?

What exactly do you do?

Do you have to travel in your job?

What kind of education was required for your line of work?

Does your company have other branches?

Are you required to get more education each year?

What other jobs have you had?

Have you ever thought of starting your own business?

Does this kind of weather suit you?

Are you a summer or winter person?

Have you ever lived where it snowed a lot?

Does the rain/wind/heat/cold bother you?

Do you listen to the weather reports?

Did you hear about (some kind of freak weather in the news)?

Are you ready for the winter/summer/rain/snow?

Do you have children/grandchildren?

How old are they?

Where do they live?

How often do you see them?

What kind of work are they in?

What are they studying at college?

Do you all get together for holidays?

How long have you been attending here?

Where did you attend before?

Do you know the minister?

Will you be going to the potluck/fair/supper?

Do you know a lot of other people here?

How do like the music?

What is your favorite kind of music?

Have you ever heard of (name of a musician you like)?

Do you like to dance?

Have you ever been in a choir?

Are you a musician/singer?

Is your husband/wife/boyfriend/girlfriend here?

How long have you been married/together?

Where did you meet?

What kind of work/study does he/she do?

Does he/she know (the person throwing the party)?

What do you do in your spare time?

Do you ski/snorkel/fish/hike/bike?

Do you like to camp/RV/travel?

Do you collect anything?

How did you get into (whatever they do in their spare time)

Have you been on vacation this year?

What was the weather like?

Would you go again?

When would you recommend going there?

Where else have you been?

Where else would you like to go?

What do you like to do on vacation?

What do you think about (name something in the news)?

How do you usually catch up on the news?

Do you ever read/watch (name the newspaper, magazine, internet or TV channel you watch)

Do you agree with (the way a criminal was handled/the way the media reported something/the way the U.S. did something internationally)?

Have you heard anything lately about (someone famous/a recent situation)?

The key to conversation is to use whatever you learn about someone as a springboard towards more in-depth conversation. Listen carefully with the intention of pursuing anything interesting that your questions inspire. The possibilities are virtually endless. The trick is to listen carefully and form a question based on what you are told. To keep a conversation going you might have to 'prime' it with a story or comment about your own experience. You might talk about how your parents retired on a farm and how you enjoy visiting them with the grandkids. Or you might know the city your friend came from and tell them about your experience visiting it.

Once you find some subject that you are both interested in you can relax somewhat and enjoy the roads it takes you on. HOWEVER, you still must be careful not to dominate the conversation or to just ask endless questions and not give any input yourself.

If the person you're talking to keeps answering a simple 'yes' or 'no' to your questions without further comment, you should try using open-ended questions that require more than a simple answer. Open-ended questions include questions that begin with "Why" "How" "What" amongst others. The key is to ask questions that need a thoughtful answer. Instead of just 'Where did you work before?' You could ask, 'What caused you to leave your previous job?'

Whenever you can get the other person to talk about what he thinks and hopes and dreams, you've helped him feel more accepted, interesting and comfortable. When you can get a person to state what he _thinks_ about any particular subject or situation (without _judging or censuring him)_ , you begin to bring him out. And by bringing him out and actively listening to his reply, he most likely will begin to _like_ _you_! It's not so hard to understand. When you feel someone is interested in you, don't you warm up to them? And if they are obviously listening to your opinions (again, _without_ judging or censuring you) don't you feel accepted and start to really like that person?

People are fun and amusing and interesting. Everyone has a story to tell; everyone has opinions that are different from yours. A person's growing up years, education, work history, family, religious history, trips, hobbies and opinions are almost limitless depths to be plumbed. If you think of yourself as a reporter who wants to get an in-depth story on the person you're talking to, it might help. Most people want to talk about themselves and their lives but they need the right questions from someone who is truly interested.

Listening and asking questions based on what you are hearing is incredibly flattering to anyone! The questions need to be non-judgmental of course and not dripping with sarcasm or disbelief. In order to ask questions in the right way, you must have the right attitude. The attitude you should have is one of wanting to get to know the other person. Not just where they live and what they do for a living but how they came to choose where they live and what they do. Find out what they think about world news and church and society. If you are truly interested it will show and most people can't resist someone who is truly interested in them!

It makes no difference if the person you're talking to is old, young, male or female. All conversation should be directed to the other person when at all possible. Single men who want to get to know single women cannot do better than to show a real interest in their lives and how they think. Don't you like people that show they like you? Don't you like people that ask your opinion? And if you feel a connection with someone because you feel they understand you, don't you like them more? It is almost impossible to resist someone that shows they like who you are and what you think. A man that can find out what a woman is interested in and can get her to talk about it is well on his way to winning her friendship. Pickup lines don't work on women. Warmth and friendliness and acceptance are what work with women—and men and children and the elderly too!

Developing a true interest in people is a major key to developing self-confidence. True confidence comes from making _others_ feel confident! Give and you shall receive! If you see someone who looks alone and shy, go to them and do your best to make them feel at ease and welcome. Introduce them to other people and get them to talk about themselves. Instead of looking at yourself and feeling rejected, alone and awkward, look around and see if you can find someone else who needs a friend. By doing so you automatically stop thinking so much about yourself. And that is the key! When you stop thinking about yourself, you WILL be happier! You'll stop worrying about whether people like you or accept you and just get on with the pleasurable task of making _them_ feel accepted and liked.

When you decide that your mission each week at church or any social group is to make other people feel welcome and wanted, it can change your life. Instead of wondering if people will like you, if you will be rejected or feel awkward, you 'worry' about making other people feel welcome and you work at helping others be more at ease. Most of us can't do two things at once and while you are busy looking around to see if someone needs a friend, trying to help a newcomer become a part of your group, asking questions of the person you're talking to so you can really get to know him, you aren't thinking about yourself!

When you become more concerned about _giving_ you _will_ receive. The more you give to others—in trying to make them feel wanted, appreciated, respected, admired—the more _you_ will get! The more you show deep interest in people and what they think, the better your fellowship will be! People will gravitate to you and be glad to see and talk to you because you are glad to see them and are interested in them.

_Give and it shall be given unto you_.

***

## Clean House—Empty Heart

#### Getting Priorities Right

Luke 10:38-42 Now it came to pass as they went, that he entered into a certain village: and a certain woman named Martha received him into her house. And she had a sister called Mary, which also sat at Jesus' feet and heard his word. But Martha was cumbered about much serving and came to him and said, Lord, do you not care that my sister has left me to serve alone? Bid her therefore that she help me. And Jesus answered and said unto her, **Martha, Martha, you are careful and troubled about many things: But one thing is needful: and Mary has chosen that good part, which shall not be taken away from her.**

I'd known Arlene (not her real name) for many years and had watched her children grow from tots to teens. Usually a quiet happy little homemaker, today there were tears in her eyes. I was quite surprised when she told me that her tears were because she had kept her house clean all the years her children were growing up!

She was one of those house-proud women who are a slave to their homes. You know the type—they wash the sheets every week, put out clean towels every day, vacuum and dust, polish and shine, fluff and tidy and mop and wipe. She'd apparently been like Martha (Luke 10:38) who complained to Christ that Mary, her sister, was not helping with the serving. Christ said to her, "Martha, Martha, you are careful and troubled about many things. But one thing is needful: and Mary has chosen that good part, which shall not be taken away from her." Arlene had been 'careful and troubled' about keeping her house in apple pie order while her children grew up almost without her.

Now it was too late. Seventeen and eighteen-year olds aren't interested in indoor tents and dough sculptures anymore. They won't even play hide and seek, unless it's with the cute curvy blond down the street! No, there is only one chance at childhood and if a parent misses it, there's no going back.

Of course there is nothing wrong with clean homes and orderliness. God says He is not the author of confusion. (I Corinthians 14:33) But He expects us to teach and tickle, play with and sing to our children—while they are children! Don't think you have time to go to your kid's soccer game or ballet show? Don't think you can take the time to read a bedtime story or play fish in the bathtub? Better think again. You can watch that move or write your memoirs when they've gone to college—in just a year or two, (or so it will seem!)

You must enjoy your children while you can. Whatever the sacrifice to be with them, to do things with them, it IS worth it. Just ask Arlene. She would give up all her house-proud years to have just one day with her toddlers again so they could play hide and seek and the tickle game and then stand on a stool and 'help' mommy peel potatoes.

Forget "Quality Timothye" with your kids. Kids only understand time. Love IS time and you can't fudge. When you have small children your goal in housekeeping should be to find ways to do as little as possible and to get your children involved. Of course you have to have clean clothes and food on the table. But do you really need to wash the windows every week or vacuum twice a day? Cut out the unnecessary and free up time for your most precious gifts. God hasn't lent them to you for very long and you will _never_ regret taking time to be with them while you can. Guaranteed!

***

## Training Children to be Disciplined

#### Child Training

There is a great way to control any child at any age and it is with a cause and effect program. There is no need for yelling, no need for arguing or severe punishment.

Here's how it works:

We'll take a 7-year old as an example First you sit down with the child at a calm moment and you talk about their privileges. A 7 year old has privileges like:

Watching TV

Playing video games

Playing with friends

Having talent lessons (art, ballet, soccer, tennis, tap, etc.)

Staying up later than a 5-year old

Pocket money

Going to parties

Playing with toys, Etc.

You find out the things a child does that he likes to do besides eat, sleep, dress and go to school and those are privileges. Next you write down 5 things you wish the child to change (you can't change everything at once). Such things as:

Doing his chores on time

Brushing his teeth before bed

Doing his homework at a set time or when told

Making his bed every morning

Not challenging everything you say

Not saying the word, "But I don't want to" every time you ask him to do something

Then you make up a chart with the things he must do (or stop doing) on one side and the privilege he will lose on the other side. Each privilege should be different for each action and each are cancelled for the _next_ day. If you cancel them for the day of the infraction you run the risk of the child doing something bad right before bed and no way to enforce it. This doesn't have to be a hard and fast rule.

You show the kid the chart and you tell him how it's going to work. You tell him that if he says, "But I don't want to" after you've asked him to do something, he's not going to get to play any video games for an hour the next day or whatever you decide is the privilege he will lose. Show him each action required and the consequences for those actions and make sure he understands.

The next day if he counteracts one of the things on the chart, you don't yell or spank or threaten, you simply go to the fridge or wherever you have the chart posted and you cross off the privilege next to the infraction he just committed.

If he forgets and does (doesn't do) it again on the same day, you can say something like, "Remember that you just lost the privilege of playing video for an hour tomorrow by doing/saying/not doing that. You'll want to get out of that habit so tomorrow you don't lose more time."

If he should do every one of the things on the chart he's not supposed to, then he loses every privilege there. You can't be soft on this. It's cause and effect plain and simple. And if you think about it, that's the way life is. You forget and leave your car parked too long in a 2-hour parking spot, you get a ticket; you don't pay a bill on time and you get charged a late fee; you show up late for work, you might get your pay packet docked. Life is cause and effect and the sooner kids learn that, the better off they'll be.

There is no reason to keep giving things to kids if they aren't willing to be respectful and fulfill their duties. And the more a kid gets, the more can be taken away. As children get older, they have more and more freedom, more expensive clothes, get to drive the car, go out with friends, take part in clubs and sports, etc. All these can be taken away if a child refuses to be responsible, respectful, trustworthy at home. You don't necessarily need to keep charts the rest of your life but it helps for small children to see just what they're up against if they don't comply. And it keeps everything from becoming a yelling match. Simply crossing off the privilege will be enough to make the point.

Be specific with what you want changed and work on the most aggravating things first but only 5 at a time for a young child. By the time a kid is a teen, any infraction of the rules can be the loss of any privilege. "I'm sorry, but you can't go out with your friends tonight because you left the dishes last night for me and it was your turn. You'll stay in tonight and do the dishes and clean the bathroom. Next time remember to do the dishes on your night." "You can't borrow the car this week because you brought it back with pizza boxes in the back seat and coke spilled on the floor. Next time clean it up before you bring it back." Etc.

There are only two things I would personally spank a child for: Rebellion—refusing to do what they are supposed to be doing and tantrums—out-of-control anger. I don't believe in spanking just because a kid forgot something, broke something, said something he shouldn't etc. Those things are far better handled with cause and effect. If a child forgets to do something, like homework, he can be grounded, or have another privilege taken away. A child that breaks a window can do work to earn money to pay it off, clean it up, or repair it, etc. Fit the punishment to the crime as much as possible. A child that uses foul language should not be in the presence of other people. Parties or outings can be cancelled until the child learns not to use such words.

If the kids you're dealing with are real social types, then isolation is a great tool to use. Sending a child to their room to be alone is a great punishment when they're not getting along with others, being a bad sport at games, refusing to share their toys, or just acting up. Isolation teaches them that when they aren't nice to be around, they have to be alone. Again, life is like that! Isolation may not work as well with a bookworm type but still, if they are enjoying friends or a family dinner, a party or anything else social and they act up, isolation is still good for them too.

If you're in public, like at a restaurant, and your kid acts up you can put the child in the car and stay beside the car for the set time while they have their isolation inside. Don't leave a child in a car by himself unless its somewhere you can see the car well at all times. It's too dangerous otherwise. Or you can have them stand in a corner if there's one handy and it won't embarrass the kid too much. Even having them sit with their hands folded in their laps and completely silent can be punishment enough for some kids. Have a set time for isolation—like 10 minutes for 5-7 year olds and 15-20 minutes for older kids, longer if they are being really difficult.

Another thing to remember, no matter how old a child is, that the house and things in it aren't theirs. The parent/guardian owns and pays for virtually everything, therefore it's his/her rules. I used to tell my teens that in my house it was my rules and that when they paid for their own place and bought their own things, then they could set the rules. Until then, no matter how silly or old fashioned they thought my rules were, they were my rules for my house!

Nobody ever gets away from other people's rules! The police enforce them, clubs have them, parks, restaurants, banks, supermarkets, in fact everywhere has rules! Everybody needs to get used to rules. So don't feel you have to tweak your rules for any kid. For instance I hate violent movies. And no matter what argument my teenage boys used, I refused to have violent movies of any kind in my house. I knew I couldn't always make sure they weren't watching them at other people's houses but they couldn't have them in mine. My rules!

Yelling is very damaging to a child as is any other kind of abuse. Although all parents yell occasionally, try very hard not to. If any discussion starts to become an argument, it's best to tell the child that you'll discuss things later when you've both calmed down—he can go to his room until then. But don't forget to discuss the subject later, hopefully the same day.

Kids eventually find out that parents aren't perfect so if you make a mistake and yell or punish the wrong child, sit them down and apologize. Tell them you make mistakes and by acknowledging them you show them how to behave themselves.

Lying takes some special tactics. One mother found an innovative way to handle her young daughter who kept lying to her. One day she told her, "Tomorrow we're going to get ice cream after school!" After school the next day the girl gladly met mom and talked excitedly about getting ice cream as soon as she got in the car. But her mother just headed for home. The girl realized they weren't going to get ice cream and started to cry. "You told me we were going to get ice cream after school today," she cried. The mother turned to her and simply said, "I lied" and went home. They did not have ice cream and her daughter learned how disappointing it is when someone lies!

The most important thing in parenting is to be consistent. Don't let them get away with something one day then punish them the next day for the same thing. Make sure they know the rules and enforce them every time equally for all children. But give older children more privileges than the younger—the older they are, the more privileges and also the more responsibilities. Why does Mary get to stay up an hour later than Sally? Because she's two years older. But Mary also has to do dishes two nights a week and/or empty the trash, and/or mop the floor, or whatever. Pocket money should be appropriate for the age as should responsibilities, having friends over, etc.

Along with consistency is solidarity. You and your spouse should agree on how to treat the children and back each other up. Even if you do not always agree, you should not say so in front of the children. You should talk about your differences of opinion privately. If either of you was wrong about your treatment of a child, it should be the person that was wrong that either apologizes or changes the punishment set. But it's terribly disrupting for a child to have parents that disagree in front of them. Solidarity is usually more important than being completely right—unless the other person is physically damaging the child.

And rather be safe than sorry where friends and outings are concerned! Err on the conservative side where safety is concerned. If you don't think your child is going to be well supervised at a friend's house, don't let them go, no matter the tears. Be VERY concerned about the standards at other people's homes—young children are often introduced to drugs, porn, alcohol, sex, etc. at friend's houses. And don't underestimate the damage a peer can do! It's up to the parents to make sure their children's friend's parents have similar values. I separated my children from friends that I felt were becoming too wild. I don't regret it one bit. Peer pressure is HUGE, and the older a child gets, the stronger it usually is. You might not be able to stop them associating with unsavory people as teens but you still should try.

While you certainly wanted your children to be independent and make as many decisions as possible, you also want them to always remember you are the parent and the last word on any subject. With that in mind, it's ok and in fact very good, to sometimes say, "Let me think about it" instead of making a snap decision. And you should let a child know that they can discuss any decision you've made, within reason, as long as they are respectful and realize that you may still keep the same decision. It's also a good idea with an older child to ask them what they think they'd say if they were the adult. But at all times be their rock. If you say 'no,' make it a solid 'no'. Don't compromise with your values at any time. You must be certain and solid or children feel insecure.

A good story to illustrate this was an elementary school that had just gotten a new principal. He decided the tall fence that surrounded the school grounds was unnecessary and made the school feel like a prison to the children. So he had it taken down. But whereas the children had played all over the playground before, they now huddled near the school buildings. They hadn't seen the fence as a prison wall keeping them in; they'd seen it as a protective barrier keeping others out. The fence went back up!

Your rules are to protect your children, your possessions and your sanity!  Stick by them.

***

## Of Course I Believe!—Don't You?

#### Faith

James 2:19-20 You believe that there is one God; you do well: the devils also believe, and tremble. But **will you know, O vain man, that faith without works is dead**?

"John, there's a bomb in the building and it's going to go off in less than five minutes!!"

"You really expect me to believe that, Bill?!"

"Are you crazy? You'd better get out of here! Why are you wasting time?"

"Because there's no bomb."

"You can't be serious, John. Why won't you believe me?"

"Simple. Because _you_ don't believe it!"

"How can you say such a thing!?"

"Look, Bill, If you really believed there was a bomb in here, one thing is for sure—you wouldn't be standing there just _talking_ about it!"

And that's the way too many Christians are about their life in Christ. They SAY they believe. They TALK about it a lot. But what are they DOING? Listen to the sarcasm about mere _belief_ in James 2:19: "You believe that there is one God; you do _well_ : the devils also believe, and tremble."

"Yea, a man may say, You have faith, and I have works: Show me your faith without works, and I will show you my faith by my works." James 2:18

If you really believed your eternal life depended on the way you live your life now, wouldn't you strive to find out what that way is and live it? Because it does! Christ said "... strait is the gate, and narrow is the way which leads unto life, and few there be that find it." And Luke 3:9 "And now also the axe is laid unto the root of the trees: Every tree therefore which brings not forth good fruit is hewn down and cast into the fire."

And God says, "He that overcomes shall inherit all things; and I will be his God and he shall be my son." Revelation 21:7

Paul tells us to "...work out your own salvation with fear and trembling." Philippians 2:12

Think anyone will believe you if you don't ACT on that belief? Or do you think you'll get into the kingdom through belief alone? Think again. Read the Bible and find out what you should be DOING! Eternal life is not for the lazy! "For not the hearers of the law are just before God, but the doers of the law shall be justified." Rom 2:13

***

## Is Christ Divided?

#### Division

#

There are some new scriptures floating around that you may not be familiar with:

"Oh how love I Thy prophecies, they are my meditation all the day" Psalm 119:97

"By this shall all men know that you are my disciples if you are in the right organization" John 13:35

"But to this man will I look, even to him that understands the Hebrew and Greek meaning of all scriptures." Isa 66:2

See anything wrong with these 'new' scriptures? I hope so! They are blatantly misquoted. The point of all of them is that any of us can get sidetracked from the meat of the scriptures into less important pet subjects and speculations. Some are overly concerned with fitness and health or how to keep the Sabbath; others concentrate on Greek or Hebrew words or Holy Day 'postponements'; still others feel the organization they are in is the only 'right' one, or that they have a better understanding of the nature of God, prophecy, or some other doctrine.

As Christians we _should_ be concerned with the Sabbath, our health, our understanding of doctrines, prophecy, ancient words, etc. However, God is not that impressed with endless studying to prove some 'new' doctrine, show how a particular prophecy is going to be fulfilled, or how the government of God is more properly adhered to by some group or other. And it can easily sidetrack us from what is _really_ important.

In virtually all divisions between God's people you will find one universal element: pride. Just 'hear' the pride in the Corinthians who were proclaiming: "I am of Paul!" "Oh really? Well, I am of Peter and he was an apostle before Paul!" "Is that so? Well, I can do better than that—I am of Christ, so there!" (I Corinthians 1:12 with a great deal of license)

Some of the Corinthians were like some of us today—they thought they'd found something that made them _better_ than other Christians. Yet if _any_ knowledge causes division, how is that _better_? See what Paul told those that were feeling superior: "Now I plead with you, brethren, by the name of our Lord Jesus Christ, that you all speak the same thing, and _that_ _there be no divisions among you_ , but that you be perfectly joined together in the same mind and in the same judgment." I Corinthians 1:10

We must never forget what God is looking for in us. We could have more knowledge than anyone else, we could understand more prophecy, _we could even have more faith_ than others, and yet none of these things is important to God _without love_ —for Him and for His people. (I Corinthians 13:1-2) _And_ _love does not cause division_ ; it does not rise up in pride because of superior knowledge or understanding; it does not spout off constantly about pet subjects others don't 'get'. Christ said many would be supposedly exemplary Christians—casting out demons, prophesying, even doing wonders—yet He is going to say to them, "I never knew you. Depart from me you workers of iniquity". (Matthew 7:22-23) Why? Because they weren't producing the fruits of the Spirit. (Vs 18-21)

Studying pet subjects is not wrong, of course, but our real work is to grow spiritually. That is why David said he meditated on God's law _day and night_. (Psalm 119:97) God's law shows us where we need to change; where our 'secret' sins lie; how we've 'missed the mark'. And _love_ is the end result of God's law, which is why Christ said that it was _our love for each other_ that would prove we were His disciples. (John 13:35)

We mustn't get off track—we're to study so we are "casting down arguments and every high thing that exalts ... bringing every thought into captivity to the obedience of Christ" (II Corinthians 10:5) "And now abide faith, hope, love, these three; _but the greatest of these is love_." I Corinthians 13:13

# It is he that has the most love that wins _._

# ***

## You Think You've Got it Rough?

#### Gratitude

#

"You say you had a rough time at work again this week?

I'd like to say I'm sorry but my own life's pretty bleak

I lost my job last season through no fault of my own

My family's all on welfare; I can't even get a loan"

"Excuse me but I heard you say you're out of work just now

But you look strong and healthy; you'll get a job somehow

My wife is out there working; gets up before the dawn

While I can't get off these crutches; all self-respect is gone"

"I saw you on your crutches as I was passing by

And thought how well you manage; you're really pretty spry!

I'd trade this little scooter for your crutches any day

If I could have my legs back I'd give all I own away"

"Hello, I see you're rollin' just like me here in my chair

'cept you get around much better; it sorta seems unfair

With neither arms nor legs I must utilize my head

And push and pull the levers with my mouth and teeth instead"

"I saw you all across the street and heard all of you speak.

My wife is in the car right there; she gets out 'bout once a week

Paralyzed by disease, she can only nod and wink

But she knows some lose their mind and she's grateful just to think"

# ***

## Death from Imbalance

#### Becoming More Like Christ

Carrots are good for you. Carrot juice is good for you. These are undeniable facts. How then could a doctor in England die from eating them? _Because that's all he ate for several months!_ He died of Vitamin A poisoning. He found out the hard way that the body requires balance.

Balance in every area is a major key to happiness. Someone who spends too much time keeping their paper clips and rubber bands in neat little rows is as ineffective as the person who can never even _find_ the paper clips. Someone who spends all their time making money _for_ the family and not enough time _with_ them can never be a true success. Giving too much in one area of life means sacrificing in another. You can even do too many 'good works' if it means you are taking necessary time away from your own family.

How warm and wonderful will any of your accomplishments be if, in the process, you lose your health, your family, or even your eternal life?! "For what shall it profit man if he shall gain the whole world, and lose his own soul?" (Mark 8:36) Christ himself took time out to eat, sleep, pray, and fellowship. Yet no one has ever had more important work to do!

God expects you to take care of yourself: "What? Know you not that your body is the temple of the Holy Ghost which is in you, which you have of God, and you are not your own?" I Corinthians 6:19

He expects you to take care of your family: "But if any provide not for his own, and specially for those of his own house, he has denied the faith, and is worse than an infidel." I Timothy 5:8

He expects you to work: "For even when we were with you, this we commanded you, that if any would not work, neither should he eat." II Thessalonians 3:10

And more than anything He expects you to stay close to Him: and "...grow in the grace and knowledge of our Lord, Jesus Christ..." II Peter 3:18

There are hundreds of scriptures that tell us how to live but it all must be done in balance, for that is the only way to happiness.

***

## "You Call Your Organization 'Christian'?!"

#### Judging

You call yourself Christians yet some of the widows in your group are going hungry!

You say your organization is Godly yet your top minister and his assistant have split up!

You say you love all people and yet one of your Christian leaders actually snubbed those of a different race!

While any modern Church organization might have these kinds of problems, these particular difficulties were some that the very first Church organization had to face. Even after receiving the Holy Spirit and doing mighty works, the Apostles and Disciples of Christ had problems. The Christian Jews in Jerusalem were up in arms when they first heard about Peter eating with Gentiles. (Acts 10 & 11) Paul and Barnabas disagreed so strongly with the teachings of some Christians from Judea that they made a special trip to Jerusalem to set everyone straight. (Acts 15:1-2) The Apostle Peter acted in a hypocritical manner when he shunned Christian Gentiles for fear of how the Jews from Jerusalem would react. (Galatians 2:11-12) The Hellenistic widows weren't getting their fair share of the Church supplies held in common (Acts 6:1). There was so much contention between Paul and Barnabas over Mark that they split up. (Acts 15:37-39) Some were causing division by claiming to be of one or another minister. (I Corinthians 11:18,

Not only were there problems with the people but the first organization of the Church found it necessary to change doctrines and traditions and start new ones. For instance, circumcision was no longer required (I Corinthians 7:19); the Gentiles were no longer to be considered 'unclean' (Acts 10); men were ordained to be ministers who were not of the tribe of Levi (Acts 6); Paul began the practice of sending out anointed cloths (Acts 19:11-12); and the synagogue was no longer the only place acceptable for Church services (Acts 12:12, Romans 16:5, I Corinthians 16:19), just to mention a few. Yet, in spite of change, disputes, contentions, mistakes, and divisions, the very first organized Church of God grew and spread throughout the entire world!

Since every Church of God down through the ages has been made up of imperfect humans, expecting the organization not to make any mistakes or have any problems is as foolish as wanting only perfect friends or a perfect family. We would lead a very lonely life if we maintained such a position! But we are not to be loners for: "... you are no longer strangers and foreigners, but fellow citizens with the saints and members of the household of God..." Ephesians 2:19-22) Like good parents who do the best they can to provide a loving household where children can grow and mature, the Church organization does its best to provide the proper structure and setting where we can become a family and fulfill our responsibilities.

Christ said that "...all will know that you are My Disciples, if you have love one for another" (John 13:35). But we cannot love the Brethren if we don't know them! The organization provides a way where we can get to know other Brethren— through Church and Holy Day services, socials, parties, camps, clubs, outings, etc. It is through the Family structure that we learn to get along, to love others that are different from us, to nurture the weak, support the frail and work together as a team to accomplish God's purpose. After all, this is also our future! We will all be working together as kings and priests under Christ! (Revelation 5:10) We will be the Bride of Christ as one unit! There is only One Body and though there may be many organizations "there should be no schism in the Body, but the members should have the same care for one another" (I Corinthians 12:25).

The organization within the Church provides us with the opportunity to love, nurture and work with those in the Family of God. But the organization itself won't be perfect until we—the members—are perfect!

***

Chapter 2: Singles and Young People

## How to Know What to Look for in a Mate

#### Be Not Unequally Yoked

You probably have a mental list of the characteristics you would like in the person you hope to one day marry. These may range from such things as being attractive and having a great personality to being converted, giving and kind. And while there's nothing wrong with such ideals, they are rather vague and highly subjective. There is a major key in finding the love of your life that will help better define that special someone you should be looking for.

In Ephesians 4 God tells us what those who would be 'one' with Christ should be like. He's looking for people who don't lie, steal or use foul language. He wants them to be kind, loving and forgiving and to have overcome bitterness, anger and deceit. The summation of all that He requires is found in verse 13: "...a perfect man, to the measure of the stature of the fullness of Christ" In other words—as He says He found in David—a 'man after His own heart'. (Acts 13:22) Christ is hand-picking the perfect 'mate' to join Him in ruling this universe. His bride will be composed of those totally compatible with His laws and desires, those who are _just like Him_!

And therein lies the key to finding a truly compatible mate in _this_ life. Find someone _as much like you as possible._ To do that you must _know who_ _you are and what is important to you._ What are your core values? Your deepest desires? The laws that rule your life? The overriding purpose of your life? What do you like to talk about? What do you do in your spare time? How do you like to live on a daily basis? The answers to these questions will help you know what to look for in a mate. True compatibility can only be achieved when two people share the same values and goals. It doesn't mean you have to have similar personalities, but, like best friends do, you _must_ have a great deal in common.

While being physically attracted to someone is absolutely necessary, a happy marriage results when two people also want to talk about the same things, want to do the same things, live in the same way, vacation in the same way, have the same friends, and share everything of any importance. Dr. Neil Clark-Warren states in his book "Finding the Love of Your Life," that the _majority_ of unhappy marriages are caused by choosing the wrong person to begin with. Marriage is about sharing your life with someone. If striving to be more like Christ is the most important part of your life, how can you hope to be compatible with someone who doesn't even understand such things? That's why Paul says, _"_ Do not be unequally yoked together with unbelievers. For what fellowship has righteousness with lawlessness? And what communion has light with darkness?" II Corinthians 6:14

"...It's tough to be single, to be lonely. I'll tell you what's tougher is to be married and be lonely. To be lonely in a king-size bed with a person there that you cannot relate to is a major issue." ( _Tommy Nelson:_ **Essentials** _–September 7, 2006)_

If you want to find someone you will be truly happy with, find someone a lot like you.

***

## Why Doesn't God Want me to Have Any Fun?

#### God's Law

I have set before you life and death, blessing and cursing: therefore choose life Deuteronomy 30:19

"God's laws are archaic! They were meant for a society quite different from ours and are completely out of date!" declared a young friend of mine.

"So," I said, "It's different now? It doesn't hurt anyone if you steal or lie or murder?"

"No," he retorted in exasperation, "That's not what I meant. Of course some laws are still necessary. But God's way of no sex before marriage just plain doesn't work! Nobody buys that now. We're a different society with different ways and it's ridiculous to think you shouldn't have sex until you're married. That silly law just forced people to get married so they could have sex! What good was that?"

"If you want to talk about 'good' results," I countered, "How about talking about the 'great' things that have come from having sex before marriage: AIDs, unwanted babies, abortions and STDs, just to mention a few. That doesn't account for all the emotional problems people have from such encounters nor the sullied reputations. "

Silence.

"Are things really so different now?" I continued. "Do men really want to marry a woman who's been intimate with dozens of partners? Or one that has an illegitimate child? Or someone who's had experience with drugs and alcohol abuse? And do most women really _like_ the fact that most men 'play around' before marriage? Don't you think that makes women fear that they might do so after marriage?"

"Ok, so some things haven't changed," he agreed, "but most people live together nowadays and surely that's better than divorce!"

"How so?" I asked.

"Well, it's easier for people to split if things don't work out and it gives people a chance to test their compatibility as far as sex," he said

"If you mean there's less paperwork involved for people living together to split up, I agree but the emotional damage is just the same. And splitting the assets equitably is probably more difficult—certainly just as bad as a divorce. But it's not the paperwork of a divorce that most people are trying to avoid by living together, is it? Isn't it that they aren't sure they're really suited and, as you say, they want to find out if they are 'compatible' before getting married?"

"Exactly," he cried with triumph in his voice. "You see? It's much better to know if a marriage is going to work by living with someone first. You get to see if they're messy or organized, have hang-ups you didn't know about and are generally someone you want to spend the rest of your life with."

"So, living together is sort of the final test before marriage?" I said. He nodded with a look that said, 'see you're finally getting it!' I continued, "But, except for sex, which of those things could you _not_ find out about someone without living with them?"

"I suppose a lot of them. But it would take such a long time! Living with someone shows up those things really fast."

"Yeah, but if you find out you made a mistake you have a whole lot more to undo than if you were just dating someone!" I countered.

"Well obviously you wouldn't live with someone you hadn't dated quite a bit and didn't know quite well!" he said with some asperity.

"So you do feel you should know someone really well before living with them at least?" I asked.

"Of course!" he replied. "Most people aren't going to move in with someone they don't know a lot about."

"But I thought that was the complaint about _not_ living together—that it takes a long time to get to know someone? At what point in a relationship would two people decide to move in together then?"

"Of course I don't know about everyone else but I'm pretty sure most people would have to feel they were in love before they moved in together," he told me.

"You say most couples believe they're in love when they move in together but how can that be if they are living together instead of getting married because they're not sure if they're compatible?? I'm confused."

"Well what if two people who were in love got married and _then_ found out they were incompatible?" he countered.

"I'd say they weren't really in love! Love isn't just romantic feelings or chemistry. True love is caring enough about someone to share your life with them; it's a desire to be a partner to that person for as long as you live; it's wanting to help them fulfill their dreams; to do things as a team. True love _cannot exist_ if you don't know a person well enough to know you want to live with them. You _have_ to get to know someone well in order to love them. And although many people have indeed found out they were not compatible _after_ marriage, it's because they didn't get to know each other well enough first! If living together is an attempt to get to know someone better—to find out if the two of you are compatible—isn't it rather a precarious position to place yourself in?"

"I don't know what you mean," he said.

"Well, think about it: you're not sure and she's not sure—so you're going to live together in order to _get_ sure? Aren't you actually just living on hope? At any time one of you can break up the arrangement when you've gotten to know the other person well enough to realize it isn't going to work! I'm sure I wouldn't want to live with someone _playing_ at marriage, giving up all others, just _hoping_ things worked out!"

"But most marriages are built on hope—or so it seems to me!" he said. "And the divorce rate proves that marriage alone doesn't work either! At least with living together first we can leave and no questions asked."

"I'm sure it is the divorce rate that has caused many to decide to live together. And yet very many of those people who live together _do_ eventually get married, don't they?" He nodded emphatically as if to say, 'which proves my point!' I continued, "So is it really 'marriage' that is at fault here?"

"Uh, well, no, I guess not," he said uncertainly.

"It can't be or surely those people who live together wouldn't bother getting married. But, in fact, don't most people live together in order to make sure of each other so they can get married?" He nodded reluctantly. "So marriage is still the goal even with those that live together first." He nodded just as reluctantly. "Ok. So we agree that marriage is not the problem. The problem is how to get to know someone well enough before marriage so that you really have a good marriage and won't end up in divorce?" Again he nodded. "Did you know that more people who marry after living together get divorced than those who don't live together first?"

"Really?" he asked skeptically.

"It's true," I said. Look at these statistics from Michael McManus, President of "Marriage Savers"

  * Couples who marry after living together are 50% more likely to divorce than those who did not.

  * Only 12 percent of couples who have begun their relationship with cohabitation end up with a marriage lasting 10 years or more.

  * The number of unmarried couples living together soared 12-fold from 430,000 in 1960 to 5.4 million in 2005.

  * More than eight out of ten couples who live together will break up either before the wedding or afterwards in divorce.

  * About 45 percent of those who begin cohabiting, do not marry each other. Another 5-10 percent continue living together and do not marry.

A Penn State study reports that even a month's cohabitation decreases the quality of the couple's relationship. http://www.rayfowler.org/2008/04/18/statistics-on-living-together-before-marriage/

Contrary to popular opinion, you do not learn to have better relationships from multiple failed relationships where you lived together—it is rather a strong predictor of the _failure_ of future relationships.

_For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and shall be joined unto his wife, and they two shall be one flesh. This is a great mystery: but I speak concerning Christ and the church_. Ephesians 5:31-32

***

## How Will Your Single Life Affect Your Future Spouse?

#### Sexual Sins

I don't know about you, but when I was young I didn't think High School mattered much. I did OK and got into college and all, but I was sure that _college_ grades and activities were what really mattered and no one would care what I did or didn't do in High School. I was wrong! Thirty years later potential employers _still_ wanted to know my grades, extracurricular activities and interests in High School! Those pesky four years of 'averageness' just wouldn't go away!

"Whatever you sow you reap" (Galatians 6:7) is a Biblical truism that definitely applies to grades and extracurricular school activities. But it is the illicit 'extracurricular' activities many indulge in (and not just when they are young!) that have the most serious repercussions. Scripture tells us that sexual sins are not like other sins because they are _against our own body_! (I Corinthians 6:18) Of course we can easily understand how STD's, AIDS, and unwanted pregnancy are against our body. But there is another aspect many don't even consider when giving in to illicit passion and that is this: _How will it affect your spouse_?

Even though you may not have found your soul mate yet, you will have to reveal your past to him or her when you do. This won't be like confessing at a job interview that you barely got through Math in High School or that you spent more time in detention than at home. This confession can affect _both_ of your lives in the most intimate way!

It isn't that you won't be forgiven; it isn't that your spouse will hold it against you; he/she may not even be concerned that you might be tempted again. The real problem is that your mate _cannot_ just forget it. And in the closest, most intimate times of your marriage, when your passions are at their highest, your past may rear its ugly head and steal the happiness and joy that should be yours.

Lovemaking is the most intimate, fragile and vulnerable part of marriage. Feeling accepted, wanted, admired, and desirable are all wrapped up in this act. Yet if your partner begins worrying that he/she isn't as good as others you've had; if something you do makes your spouse wonder where you learned it; if a sudden image of you doing this with many others enters his/her head—the whole beautiful act can be ruined. Think how easily all this turmoil could be dismissed if both of you married as virgins! Certainly the less you have to tell, the less you _both_ have to deal with!

When you are tempted to sin in any kind of sexual manner, think about how it is going to impact your future wife or husband because your body _belongs_ to your spouse _even before you know who he or she is_!

 1Corinthians 6:18 "Flee sexual immorality. Every sin that a man does is outside the body, but he who commits sexual immorality sins against his own body."

***

## How to Get Self-Confidence & Self-Esteem

#### Esteem Others Better than Yourself

True humility is not thinking less of yourself; it is not thinking of yourself at all!

There is one characteristic that is common to virtually all those suffering from lack of confidence: Self-absorption. Ironically those people that lack self-confidence spend _more_ time thinking about themselves than those have a lot of confidence. In fact most people lacking self-confidence are almost obsessed with thoughts such as:

  * Am I dressed right? Should I have worn jeans/a suit/slacks/a dress/formal/informal?

  * Do these clothes make me look fat/dorky/old/young/stupid/unfashionable?

  * Is my hair ok? Does my hairstyle suit me? Is it weird/too old/too young/sticking up/unfashionable?

  * Do I have bad breath/body odor/spinach in my teeth?

  * Would he/she think I was stupid/nerdy/clumsy/silly/ridiculous if I tried to talk to him/her?

  * Will I spill something on myself? Break something? Trip? Sweat too much? Talk too much? Talk too little?

  * Will I say/do something stupid/silly/foolish/embarrassing?

All these and many, many more thoughts constantly run through the mind of someone lacking confidence. They torture themselves with 'what-ifs' and possible embarrassment before it even happens, which often become self-fulfilling prophecies! Afterwards they spend hours and hours going over what they _should_ have said, what they _should_ have done, _should_ have worn, etc etc.

And all the while they are so busy concentrating on _themselves_ that they hardly have time to _really think_ about anyone else! Yet THAT is the KEY to becoming truly self-confident.

The Bible says we are to love our neighbor as we love ourselves.  Mat 22:39 But a person who lacks self-confidence usually finds it hard to even _like_ himself. No wonder he doesn't think anyone else will like him! And it stands to reason that if he has little love for himself, he has little love to give anyone else. No one can love anyone _more_ than they love themselves. It isn't possible.

To love yourself, you must have self-confidence and self-esteem. But just what are self confidence and self esteem? Here are a couple definitions: Self confidence is a belief in yourself and your abilities, a mental attitude of trusting or relying on yourself. Self esteem is the belief in your worth or value. Low self esteem is the belief that you are worthless or inadequate.

So, it's very simple, you simply learn to love yourself more so you can then love other people more, right? Yeah, sure. If it were that easy, wouldn't everyone be super self-confident by now? When you tell someone with low self-esteem they need to "believe in themselves" more, "trust in themselves", "appreciate themselves", or whatever, it is meaningless to them. It is because they _don't_ believe in themselves or think highly of themselves that they think no one else does either. And it is because of this self-doubt that they continually worry about themselves and how they are coming across which makes them more self-conscious and unsure socially.

Some think that by looking in a mirror every day and telling yourself that you are a good person or someone of great value or lovable will do the trick. But how in the world can someone with a low opinion of you—which is yourself—make you believe he or she (that's _you_ ) actually has a high opinion of you? What nonsense!

The real key to security and self-confidence is gained by practicing a well-known principle found in the Bible.

In Acts 20:35 we're told that it's better to give than receive. This is not just talking about monetary gifts or gifts of service. It's also talking of giving _of_ _yourself_ to others as a living sacrifice (Romans 12:1). And how do you _give_ of yourself to others? Through listening, empathizing, counseling, sharing, grieving with them, etc. Your time is of far more value than any worldly goods you might want to bestow on someone. Your comfort in the time of sorrow, your laughter and joy in a time of rejoicing, your empathy in hardships and trials are of far more importance than anything else you can give.

And this is by far the most important principle of self-confidence you will ever learn anywhere!

_Contrary to what a lot of people think, self-confidence begins when you STOP thinking about yourself!_ And although that is easier said than done, it is nonetheless an undeniable truth. When you are truly concerned about other people—their thoughts, problems, comfort, ideas and dreams—you will find you aren't worrying so much about _you!_ The more you can focus on other people, the more you will stop thinking about yourself. But that's not the end of it! Just not having to constantly worry about whether you're doing or saying the right thing is a great freedom, but where does it help you gain self-esteem and confidence?

The amazing truth is this: As you show true unfeigned interest in other people they warm to you. As you make sure they are at ease, enjoying themselves, comfortable, welcome and wanted, they look to you again for those feelings the next time they are around you. As you show that you want to know more about them and listen, really listen, they begin to find you almost irresistible. And as people find themselves attracted to you _because you first showed your concern for them_ , you will receive their approbation, their love, their attention. THIS is what will bring you self-esteem—which is truly a misnomer. It isn't really _self-_ esteem we want—it's other people's esteem! Why would anyone care if they thought of themselves as a great guy if no one else did?! Which is why the Bible tells us to "esteem others better than ourselves" Philippians 2:3. When you esteem others—show them they are important, wanted, accepted—they give the esteem right back, automatically. _It's almost impossible not to like someone that truly likes you!_

So, ok, that's great. But how does one start thinking about other people instead of themselves especially when they are so afraid they will say or do something wrong or stupid?

First, if you really, really want to overcome your lack of confidence, you _can_ do it. Look around. There are millions of people who are confident and happy. Somehow, some way they have either overcome any shyness they had, or they've always been self-confident. How come? Why are some people confident and others are not?

First I guarantee you that there is _no_ person on this earth that hasn't at times felt embarrassed, tongue-tied, fearful of rejection, or otherwise lacking in self-confidence. Even those that seem to have more bravado than sense may well be covering up their lacks with cockiness. What you may have been assuming was confidence may well be a front for serious self-doubt and insecurity. A person who uses biting sarcasm, is overly loud and boisterous, too suave and assured or a constant jokester may be someone with as little self-confidence as you have. Almost everyone has at some time or other had a 'front' he has shown the world so that the real person inside is kept 'safe'. Almost everyone has lacks that he makes up for with learned behavior.

Just listen to the conversation between people around you and see how often anyone asks another person about his life, his family, his job, holidays, travels, ideas, opinions, etc. You will time and again find others who talk virtually non-stop about themselves but do not ask you one question about yourself. Absorption with one-self is _not_ a sign of confidence—not at all!

Don't ever look at a lot of talking as an indication of someone who has self-confidence! They may be covering up their insecurity by being a chatterbox. What's far more important to note is the _content_ of their conversation. As the saying goes, "A good conversationalist isn't usually the one who's doing the most talking". A good conversationalist is one who brings out other people; someone who gets others to talk about themselves and keeps a discussion moving.

On the same tack, a person who loudly makes sure everyone knows he's there isn't necessarily doing so from a state of supreme self-confidence. Those people who seem to be boldness itself and wear outlandish or very loud clothing may not be doing so because they are secure within themselves. Nor do all those who always seem to have a crowd around them as they tell jokes, spout political ideologies, or entertain in some way, necessarily have true confidence.

These outward shows may be purposely (if subconsciously) designed to keep you from guessing their real inner fears—like the crying clown. Some of those people are just masters of disguise. They cover up their insecurity by acting as if they were secure. And they are fine as long as no one challenges their outward persona. But get a loquacious professor or a well-spoken actor or politician off their subject or out of their character and you might find them absolutely tongue-tied.

Many people who can hold the attention of huge crowds for hours at a time cannot talk to just one or two people alone with any degree of confidence. Put them behind a mike with a subject they know well and they're full of confidence but ask them a personal question privately and you may find they can't even hold a decent conversation.

One of the biggest terrors for many people is making 'small talk'. Yet small talk is essential to beginning a friendship, getting business deals, dating, or mixing at parties, rallies, socials and church. Small talk is a part of life from meeting your child's teacher at school to introducing your mate to a business associate. Most of us find it difficult at least some of the time—even the greatest of orators and politicians.

Recognizing that most other people find general conversation difficult and unnerving at times should help you not to feel so alone. Recognizing that many cover up their insecurity by acting confident or even cocky should also help you to feel more in common with them.

But the greatest key by far to reducing your own insecurity is _to focus on other people and help_ _them_ _to overcome_ _their_ _lack of confidence_. Doing everything you can to make other people welcome, to feel accepted, included and comfortable is the best way to overcome your own lack of confidence. Rather than constantly being tied up in knots inside wondering if _you_ are liked or accepted, you turn your efforts to liking other people and worrying about _their_ comfort and security and whether _they_ are liked and accepted. By _giving_ to them in this way you not only will stop worrying so much about yourself but you will receive _their_ approbation and love.

A person lacking confidence in himself needs, more than anything else, to be loved, respected and accepted. But being overly concerned about yourself does _not_ make people love, respect or accept you! In fact, just the opposite happens. If you come across as a person that is worried about how you look, what you say, how you walk, talk, stand, shake hands, eat or whatever, you appear to dislike yourself! And since you are the expert on _you_ , if you know yourself and don't like what you know, why should anyone else? It is not consciously done I assure you. But we all pick up on the vibes others send to us. If the person we're talking to is nervous, distracted, and self-absorbed, we tend to feel unwanted and uninteresting to them and we move on to find someone who is confident and can really get involved with us and get us into the conversation instead of being so all-consumed with themselves. _Everyone_ wants to be loved and accepted by others! Everyone!

Yet often we do the opposite of what would make us accepted and loved! Ironically those people that feel the least loved and accepted do more of the wrong things to get it! They either clam up and make it very difficult for anyone to get to know them, or they dominate the conversation talking either about themselves or their subject of expertise. (Of course some who dominate conversations may do so because of inflated self-importance but I think most do it thinking it will help them be more liked.)

Mary was one that found it difficult to talk to people and thought that if she just didn't say much she couldn't get herself into trouble. She thought people would like her more if they didn't really get to know her. After all, she didn't think much of herself and was pretty sure they wouldn't either! But one day in college a fellow student woke her up with a bang. He said, "Did you know that when you answer a question with a simple 'yes' or 'no' and don't even try to keep the conversation going, that you come across as a snob?"

Well, that hit her like a ton of bricks. Here she was doing her best to keep out of the limelight and be quiet so nobody would think anything bad of her, and yet it actually caused them to believe one of the worst things they could! She knew she wasn't a snob! It wasn't because of pride or self-importance that she didn't talk to people! Quite the opposite!

But for the first time in her young life she saw how she came across from someone else's point of view. She realized for the first time that unless she made the effort to reach outside herself to others she would appear to be the very kind of person she didn't want others to think she was!

It took a lot of effort to change. She had to work at being friendly and showing interest in others but today you would never know that she'd ever been shy! Because she knew what it's like to feel like an outsider; to feel like she didn't fit in, to feel rejected and unpopular, she could truly empathize with those that also felt the same. In trying to help them feel less secure, she helped herself.

She no longer worries whether people will like her; she knows she can go to almost any social function and have a really good time. Because now she focuses on other people instead of herself. She looks forward to getting to know new friends. And because the focus is off herself, she is no longer self-conscious.

Now it's a joy to have the opportunity to get to know other people and find out what makes them tick. It is in reaching out to others and trying to make them feel welcome and wanted, that she began to feel accepted and welcome herself! People that she befriended wanted to be her friend. People that she learned to like liked her right back! Wherever she has given it has been given back to her in overflowing measure!

Learning the art of _giving_ conversation is like learning anything else. You must start small and grow and you must try, try, and try again. If you've spent most of your life thinking mostly about yourself, to stop the train and go the other direction is not going to be easy. But it is worth it! Here are some key points to keep in mind as you learn the art of conversation:

Do NOT worry about memorizing poetry, history, scripture or trivia. You need know very little about a subject when you're trying to get _someone else_ to talk about it. Your goal is not to impress anyone with _your_ knowledge—it is to let _them_ impress you with theirs!

While dress and grooming are not the most important aspects of good socializing, they are nonetheless _very_ important. In spite of the old adage not to judge a book by its cover, we all do! Taking time to be clean and neat and properly dressed for the occasion kills several birds with one stone. First it shows people you respect them enough to take the time to be clean and neat. Second it helps people accept you from the get-go because you don't come across as a freak. Third, it frees you up from worrying about yourself and whether you're dressed right or your hair is sticking up. The last thing you want is for people to be distracted by your collar sticking up or a ketchup stain on your clothes. And dressing carefully helps put you at ease as well as everyone else. If you arrive at a formal party dressed in blue jeans and T-shirt you're probably not going to feel comfortable because you don't fit in and everybody will certainly be looking at you. Or if you can tell that people are shying away from you because of bad breath or body odor, you're going to be self-conscious—the exact thing you're trying to get away from.

Dress and groom carefully and sensibly _for the occasion_ so you can FORGET about yourself and concentrate on others. Your goal should be to be so well-groomed and immaculately dressed that you can forget about it. That means you check your teeth after eating to make sure nothing is stuck in your teeth. It means you keep your glasses clean and your shirt tucked in (if it's that kind of occasion). It means you take time to fix your hair so it doesn't stick up where it shouldn't and you don't constantly have to be fiddling with it. You do all in your power to take attention _away_ from yourself.

No matter how good anyone is at small talk and conversation, we all have had bad experiences and may continue to do so from time to time. We all say things we wish we hadn't and we all make mistakes. But don't let a bad experience cause you to hole up in your shell. Just chalk it up to experience and try, try, try again. Remember, even Presidents make pretty bad faux paux. Not too long ago one president made fun of a newsman for wearing sunglasses during a press conference only to find out later the man suffered from an eye disease and had to wear them. BUT he later called the man personally and apologized! And that is all that is necessary if you make a blunder. Just apologize—another form of giving—and move on.

Even if you are the world's expert on the subject at hand, don't, don't, don't dominate the conversation! When one person takes over and basically lectures everyone else, the _conversation_ ceases. And that is not what you want when you're trying to bring other people out and get to know _them_. Keep your lectures for class or other formal situations. If someone asks you about something you have a lot of knowledge on, say a few things about it, then ask them a question. Unless you just want a sort of fan club of only those people interested in your subject, don't monopolize the conversation. Most people will listen politely for a while but then they may avoid you for fear that you will wax eloquent on 'your' subject yet again.

When you're talking to someone and another person comes to join in, open up the conversation by moving a little to make sure the other person has room and make quick eye-contact with him. Then as soon as whoever is talking takes a break, welcome the other person and tell him briefly what you were discussing (as long as it wasn't private). You can say something like, "John was just telling me how he moved here from Texas." Or "I was just telling John about the convention in New York." Or whatever. Then ask John to continue telling you the story or finish your own but include the newcomer by making eye-contact once in awhile to let him know he is welcome.

While it can be frustrating when people continually join your conversation you don't want newcomers to feel shunned by those already in a discussion because someone doesn't welcome them. We all should always make it a point to physically make room for a newcomer, welcome him with a smile, and as soon as possible bring him up to speed on the subject at hand. Instead of being annoyed and frustrated, one should feel grateful that others are interested enough to brave the possible rejection by trying to join your discussion. Make them feel welcome and if you have to interrupt your speech to do so, so what?

If you are talking one-on-one with someone and you want to keep it private then it is better to just change the subject when a newcomer joins in. You can quickly say something like, "We can finish this discussion later, John," and then welcome the newcomer warmly and start a new discussion. Most will understand that you were speaking of something not meant for general consumption and would understand if you said something like, "Just give us a couple moments and then I'm all yours." The goal is to make the other person aware of the privacy but not make him feel unwanted. It's tricky and it's really best to just postpone the private conversation and include the newcomer if at all possible.

Most people do not find it easy to join a group already deep in conversation and who has not experienced feeling left out because no one in the group would welcome them? A simple smile of welcome or a nod and moving to let them in is all that is required. Be the one that makes the move and acknowledges the newcomer with warmth. Think how you would like to be treated and treat others the same!

This is the vital key to getting unconditional love and self-confidence: Show others the interest and acceptance that you would like them to show you.

_Listen, ask questions, be truly interested, welcoming and non-judgmental and all this will be given back to you_ _"pressed down, shaken together, and running over... For with the same measure that you use, it will be measured back to you." Luke 6:38_

***

## Love is Not Enough!

#### Be Not Unequally Yoked

Sheila had been Jim's secretary for just over a year when she realized she was in love. She had been looking for someone like Jim for a long time and her love was much more than a fleeting romance. Her attraction was based on deep respect for the person he was and the friendship they had formed. It would have been perfect except for one 'little' problem—Jim was already married!

It may seem unfair, but it's all too easy to be in love with the wrong person, at the wrong time, in the wrong circumstances! When Christ said in Luke 14:28 that we must 'count the cost' He obviously meant that to include marriage. And while love is obviously the most important component of marriage, _love is not enough_! There are a multitude of reasons why someone would not be suitable for marriage even though you may be madly in love with him or her! Someone who is already married is obviously off limits, but just as unsuitable is someone addicted to drugs, alcohol or gambling, someone with severe behavior problems, emotional imbalance, perversions, or someone who is spiritually not on the same path _._

Some think that love will conquer all, but Revelation tells us there will be a multitude 'as the sand in the sea' who will revolt even after experiencing Christ's perfect love throughout the Millennium. (Revelation 20:8) Christ's love was not enough to keep Judas from betraying Him or His disciples from fleeing when things got tough. And your love won't be enough to make an addict reform or a non-Christian become converted.

If you are converted you are becoming 'One' with Christ and soon to be married to Him. But if you join yourself to someone in this life who is not a part of Christ, it is guaranteed you will be pulled in two directions. Women especially should be careful, for God told Eve, "Your desire shall be for your husband and he shall rule over you". (Genesis 3:16) A woman who is striving to please an unconverted husband will almost certainly have to compromise, and that compromise could take her right out of God's Church!

Don't believe in 'fate'! There's no such thing! It is _not_ God's will that you've fallen in love with someone if there are serious roadblocks, as in Sheila's case. God lets time and chance happen to us all and then watches to see what we will do. Don't set yourself up for a life of heartache by blindly following your heart. Just because your heart is engaged don't disengage your brain!

If you have fallen in love with someone unsuitable for marriage just remember that love is _not_ enough and take the same advice I'm sure you would give Sheila—run as fast as you can in the opposite direction!

***

## Are You Lonesome Tonight?

#### Love One Another

Matthew 25:34-40 Then shall the King say unto them on his right hand, Come you blessed of my Father, inherit the kingdom prepared for you from the foundation of the world. **For I was an hungered and you gave me meat: I was thirsty and you gave me drink: I was a stranger and you took me in. Naked and you clothed me: I was sick, and you visited me: I was in prison and you came unto me.**

Loneliness is a terrible thing. Feeling there is no one who really understands you, no one who truly cares what or who you are, is devastating. If such feelings persist, bitterness, depression and even thoughts of suicide may not be far behind.

We _all_ desperately need love. Studies have shown that children under two, deprived of love—even though clothed and fed—may die. (Trinidad Guardian 6-3-03) Without nurturing and human contact, adults suffer too. The need to feel wanted and loved is a primary reason we marry—to have someone we can always turn to, who's always there, 'belonging' to us. Yet there are many married people who feel lonely! Just _being_ with someone does not guarantee feelings of connectedness or belonging. You can experience feelings of loneliness while at a party, in a large crowd, or even with your own family or mate.

Finding love is, for many, a very elusive butterfly. Those who felt unloved by their parents often spend their whole lives seeking it. And yet, as the song says: "Looking for love in all the wrong places," the very people who crave affection and understanding the most, often seek it by doing the wrong things. A young woman whose parents were harsh and unloving may pursue sexual intimacy in order to get the affection and approval she so desperately needs. Yet—without true love and respect within the commitment of marriage— she finds sexual intimacy empty and the aftermath of being used and rejected every bit as devastating as unloving parents.

The attention some get by acting up—trying to be funny, outrageous or bad—can be a cover-up for loneliness. The life-of-the-party guy may be just as desolate and lonely as the quiet wallflower no one even notices. As Thoreau put it, "Most men lead lives of quiet desperation and go to the grave with the song still in them."

There is a way out of such desperation; a way to end loneliness. And it has nothing to do with trying to _get_ love and acceptance! Because if you want someone to understand you—you must _first_ seek to understand them. If you want others to accept you—you must strive to accept them first. If you want affection, attention, respect, consideration or any other kind of connection—you must _give_ _it to others_ _first_. The end to loneliness can be summed up in Paul's admonition: "Let nothing be done through selfish ambition or conceit, but in lowliness of mind _let each esteem others better than himself_. Let each of you look out not only for his own interests, _but also for the interests of others_." Philippians 2:3-4

Our accomplishments, ideas, opinions, and feelings are of little value to others until they feel _theirs_ are important to us. Putting others first—as the Bible instructs—is the _key_ to ending loneliness and finding love. God Himself put this law in effect and _loved us first_ —while we were yet sinners. (Romans 5:8)

Loneliness can be greatly reduced if you reach out to other lonely people and make them feel understood, wanted and needed. "Give and it will be given to you: good measure, pressed down, shaken together, and running over will be put into your bosom. For with the same measure that you use, it will be measured back to you." Luke 6:38

***

## Is This as Good as it Gets?

#### Kingdom of God

Psalm 16:11 At Thy right hand are pleasures forever more.

The thought of never seeing another sunset, hearing a child's laughter, or eating a delicious meal is something we don't like to think about. Most of us want the chance to travel, get an education, have a career, and make something of ourselves. We want to experience love and sex in marriage, to raise children and grow old with grandchildren.

But what if you don't get to do all the things you want to do? What if you are injured in a car accident and confined to a wheelchair for the rest of your life? What if you have no money for education, aren't capable of having children, or never marry? Or what if Christ returns before you get the chance to live a normal life? Have you lost your chance forever for these good things?

Sometimes even Christians can get so wrapped up in the good physical things God made that they focus on the present instead of the future. Some have even wished Christ would not return too soon as they want to experience the good things in life. But is that kind of reasoning rational? Are the pleasures in this physical life 'as good as it gets'?

God created every smell, every color, every taste and pleasure we experience. But are the earthly pleasures _greater_ than the Spiritual? Which came first _?_ Is the white horse Christ returns on a copy of the earthly horse, or the other way about? Did He fashion His robe and throne after earthly clothing and thrones or the other way about? Remember, we are the image of God.

The spiritual world is actually the _real_ world while all that is physical is temporary and will pass away. Moments of joy and pleasure on earth are short and temporary. But God says He has "pleasures forevermore" at His right hand! (Psalm 16:11) His Kingdom will be continuous joy and glory and happiness such as we've never experienced. Whatever good feelings we have here on earth will be magnified more than any of us can imagine—and yes, that includes what you're probably thinking of! After all, if God created a pleasurable sensation, He must know what it feels like! He's not giving us the dessert first!

We can only view the Spiritual world 'as through a glass darkly'. (I Corinthians 13:12) The Spirit world we will one day be born into will overshadow every good thing on earth by a billion to one (at least!). You won't "miss out" on anything from this physical life but will count it all as baby stuff and not to be compared to what lies ahead as a Spirit being!

This life is definitely not 'as good as it gets'.

***

## Where Have all the Real Men Gone?

#### Women's Role

Women are so capable today! They run their own homes, businesses, and even countries! They're well spoken, well dressed, confident, and successful. Yet when they try to find the kind of man they want to share their lives with, they wonder why there seem to be so few truly masculine men.

In the early 1900s the Feminist Movement set out to emancipate women from the second class status they had endured for centuries. Women had not been allowed to vote, were paid less for equal work and, as late as the 1850's, had little recourse in the courts if they were beaten by their husbands. Clearly there were injustices and inequalities that needed to be corrected! But Feminists weren't content with equal rights, they wanted to be _equal_ with men! They burned their bras, cut their hair and almost overnight became truck drivers, corporate leaders, policemen and soldiers.

Yet taking over men's jobs, looking and acting like men, moving away from the traditional role of homemaking, child-rearing and emotionally supporting a husband has taken its toll. Women ask where the real men have gone even as they unwittingly _emasculate_ them by taking over their roles. Paul's admonition that women be homemakers and nurturers (Titus 2:3-5), meek and quiet (I Peter 3:3-6), teachers of the younger women (Titus 2:3-5) wearing their hair long (I Corinthians 11:5-10) and accepting that the man is the head of the woman (Ephesians 5:24) is not to _put women down_. Quite the contrary! Women were created to show the soft, gentle, kind and nurturing side of God—not to strive to be men _!_

God made men to respond to and appreciate— _more than anything else_ —femininity, so it isn't too surprising that women who try to be equal with men often find themselves passed over when it comes to marriage. Men don't want or need another 'man' at home with her own career and need for support. Men want a feminine, home-making, nurturing, supporting, loving wife who will willingly use her skills to create a home for him and their children—something women are _far better_ equipped for than men.

Of course single women have to work but ruling over men in high-powered positions, putting their careers before their husband's (when they get one) or striving to be equal to men in physically demanding jobs only serves to _put men down_. For centuries men were the ones who went ahead to conquer nations and jungles while the woman came behind to set up homes and raise children. If the women become the all-conquering heroes, what are the men to do? There is a _reason_ only women can give birth and breastfeed babies. And while not all women want or can have children, nor will all marry, God still expects them to retain their femininity.

Of course if men had not abused their God-given authority or side-stepped their responsibilities women may never have moved away from their God-given roles. But even though it isn't always easy, Christian women must strive to be all God ordained them to be. Men and women were given specific roles by God and men are more likely to be more masculine _when women are fulfilling their role as women._

***

## What Does a Man Look for in a Woman?

#### Women's Role

##

If you are a woman, do you know what attracts men to you? What is it men _want_ , after all?

Of course some women will lament that all men are after is a perfect size six with blond hair and blue eyes. And while men are certainly visual and cannot help being more attracted physically to some women more than others, the physical attributes of a woman are NOT what men _marry_.

There is one overall characteristic of a woman that, for men, overshadows _everything else_ hands down. That is _femininity._ No matter how beautiful a woman is, if she is not truly feminine she will almost always be passed over for a less attractive but more feminine woman. And why? Because a woman who is truly feminine makes a man feel more _masculine!_

The Feminist Movement has done much to free women from the second-class status they've endured for so many years—they couldn't vote, were allowed _by law_ to be beaten by their husbands, could not get a fair wage for the same work as a man, etc. However, the Feminists have done untold damage by intimating that women should not just get _fair_ treatment but should be _equal_ to men in every way! Now we have women working on the roads, climbing telephone poles, driving trucks and fulfilling pastoral roles.

In their desire to prove 'we're as good as you are,' too many women have _lost_ what men value most in women. And the fact of the matter is—women are _not_ as good as men when it comes to brute force, courage under fire, sheer hardiness and physical stamina. Men are built differently—both in body and mind. As Dave Barry humorously puts it, "Guys are simple... women are not simple and they always assume that men must be just as complicated as they are, only way more mysterious. The whole point is guys are not thinking much. They are just what they appear to be. Tragically."

Virtually every man on earth wants to come home to a well-run, neat and clean home with a delicious hot meal waiting for him. He wants a mate who is attractive, well-dressed, interesting, understanding, caring and sweet. He doesn't need another 'man' in the house; he needs a woman totally in touch with her femininity—one who enjoys her role of nurturing, caring and being companionable to her husband. Of course this doesn't mean she can't work outside the house, but she should still cater to her husband and his career. It also doesn't mean a man can't help with the housework and cooking but men are not meant to be the home-makers. It is a woman's touch that makes a house a home and her first _career_ is to help her husband and children become all they can be. Any job _must_ take second place. After all, if two career-minded people both want to pursue their success outside the home, why bother with marriage?

God made woman so their desire would be for their husbands. This is not a mistake; He meant for a woman to find contentment in being at the right hand of her husband helping him be a success and being his rock when life is tough. Most husbands work for someone else and must do their bidding; obey their rules. There is no shame in a woman being her husband's aide, obeying his rules, doing his bidding. Married men usually rise more quickly in a company and are usually more successful than single men.

God meant for man and woman to be a team. No team can have two leaders! Women are ordained by God to be followers. And without the nurturing, feminine support of a good woman, most men just won't reach their full potential. Women need to stop trying to be equal to men and realize where their strengths lie—in being a help mate.

***

## Just Who Are You?

#### Differing Talents

Princess Margaret tells the story of how her sister, Queen Elizabeth II, at a very early age, would get up after going to bed to make sure her shoes were straight. This was not because she might get in trouble if they weren't, but because it _mattered_ to her. To this day the Queen is methodical, organized and politically correct. She was born with an inherent ability and desire to be organized and it has done her well in her public life. She is a 'Beaver.' Beavers like schedules, lists, details and peace. Their motto is: "If it works let's not change it" hence they may not be very adventurous or spontaneous.

Princess Margaret is very different from her sister and would more likely fit in the 'Otter' category. Otters are happy, playful, and popular. They're often extroverts and mix easily with others, enjoying and promoting spontaneity and fun. They usually have to work hard at being neat and tidy because, unlike 'beavers' being organized doesn't come naturally.

Lions are born leaders and while many may think they'd like to be thought of as a 'Lion', the Lions have the most negative of the weaknesses. They are usually decisive, confident, and goal-oriented but also may use and manipulate people and have little time or empathy for those less intelligent or clever.

Labradors are generally well liked and easy to get along with. Even as children they may seek approval far more than the other personality types and prefer to nurture others rather than lead them. However, they also may deny their own needs and desires in their quest for approval and come across as martyrs causing others to look down on them—especially the Lion-types.

No personality type is _better_ than another—they each have wonderful strengths and they also have corresponding weaknesses. The most important thing to remember is that we are all _born_ with personality traits and, like intelligence, a singing ability or being short or tall, we did not _earn_ these traits. We may look up to someone who has a great deal of confidence and charisma but since they were almost certainly _born_ with those traits, we really should temper our admiration and look, instead, at their character. On the other hand, we may look down on those who are shy and diffident but, again, those traits are usually born in them and those people will undoubtedly have amazing strengths that may not be so apparent.

The Biblical warning that "to whom much is given, much is required" (Luke 12:48) is nowhere more applicable than in the gifts we are given at birth. Those with easy manners and natural leadership abilities may have corresponding weaknesses that make life just as hard as for those born shy and reticent.

If you want to know more about yourself and your friends, take the test in the book, "Personality Plus" by Florence Littauer. (Her Lion=Choleric, Beaver=Melancholy, Otter=Sanguine and Labrador=phelgmatic.) You might be surprised at how accurately she reveals strengths and weaknesses in yourself and others. Knowing these traits are put in us at birth gives us greater understanding and can help us keep from judging our brothers!

***

## Sex and Teenagers

#### Sexual Sins

Did you know that certain substances, like vitamins which naturally occur in food, can become dangerous, even deadly when taken out of their natural environment and concentrated? Everyone knows that Vitamin A, for instance, is essential to health. But too much Vitamin A can kill if taken 'out of context'.

In the same way, sex, taken out of context, can become 'toxic'. Ever know someone who indulges in sex with dozens of partners? Their attitude towards sex can become so 'toxic' that they may never be able to have a completely normal loving relationship. And THEY DON'T KNOW IT! They'll tell you, no, of course they know how to be loving with someone they're 'in love with'. But it just isn't the same as someone who has reserved that intimacy for real love.

Here are some of the things that can happen to people who abuse sex:

  * An inability to appreciate the beautiful bond sex should be between two people in love. When you have that 'bond' with many people and without taking the time to grow in love first, the effectiveness of the bond itself is diluted. You can't undo it!

  * Many people who have shared their bodies with others, have to constantly fight a desire to have a variety of sexual partners even though they are in love and married.

  * A fear that the person you love won't satisfy you as well as others you've had sex with.

  * Based on your own lack of control in the past, you may worry unnecessarily that your mate might also want to experiment with others.

  * On the other hand, your mate may fear that because of inexperience he or she may not be able to satisfy you.

  * Your mate may fear that you will be comparing them to others you've been with.

  * Your mate may wonder if you are 'cured' or if you might one day feel the need to be wild again.

  * There are many other obvious reasons why sex before marriage with multiple partners is damaging—pregnancy, sexual disease, a feeling of being 'used', the damage to the character of the person, etc.

There is just no substitute for control.

When you take sex out of the context it was meant to be in—love and marriage—you change it. I have yet to meet a man that _wants_ to marry a girl that is _easy._ Most men would like to marry a virgin even if they themselves have been completely promiscuous. The double standard has always been with us. But most women are disgusted that men play around sowing wild oats and then expect the women to be perfect. Just who have they been 'sowing wild oats' with?!!

Girls: Points to ponder about sex:

  * Most teenage boys that want sex with you will neither love you more nor respect you more if you give in.

  * 100% of all teenage boys that _insist_ on sex in a relationship DO NOT love you.

  * Most teenage boys use sex as just a physical release for them. It has nothing to do with affection, love, giving or commitment.

  * Most teenage boys that have sex with many girls will find someone else if you refuse.

  * 100% of all teenage boys ARE NOT READY for marriage, even if you get pregnant with _their_ baby. Most teenage boys are capable of having sex with someone they don't even like.

  * Most teenage boys are not having sex to give _you_ pleasure.

  * Most teenage boys lose interest in a girl after they've had sex with her. They are merely on a quest to see how many they can have sex with. You're just a number.

  * 100% of girls that have multiple sex partners WILL get labeled as 'easy' or a 'slut' and the boys WILL talk about you in the locker room.

  * 100% of those who keep sex for marriage will enjoy it more.

You are not missing out on all the fun if you don't have sex. Those few moments of pleasure are not worth the guilt, the danger of AIDS, pregnancy, venereal disease and the labels you will get, not to mention the FACT that you will have to reveal your sexual history to the man you will one day marry. The true pleasure of sex is the bond and intimacy it creates between two people in love. This is severely diminished if you've shared such intimacy with many others. There is no way back!

Recognize some of the utterly stupid and wrong reasons why someone might give in to sex:

You think you'll be more attractive if you're 'experienced'

You think you might not get another opportunity

You don't want to be thought of as 'square'

You don't want to deny him/her pleasure

You think he/she'll like you more

You want to experiment yourself

You get carried away—seduced

You think you're in love

You might lose him/her

You want 'affection'

It's 'expected'

It's fun

The outcome however will be feelings of guilt, being used, loss of respect. They can also be an unwanted baby, AIDS or dozens of STDs many of which are for life and can be caught the very first time. Is it really worth it?!

***

## Romancing a Stranger

#### Dating

He held up his sparkling glass of wine in a silent toast and looked deep into her eyes. "You are really beautiful," he said huskily. "Thank you," she said breathlessly and blushed. The candlelight flickered gently as they sipped their wine through inviting smiles. Both hearts were racing as desire bore them on angel's wings. "Would you like to walk along the beach after dinner?" he whispered seductively. "Oh yes," she sighed, "That would be wonderful!"

The lovely dinner, the wine and candles, the perfect setting and delicious looks were all leading to one thing and they both knew it. It would be the perfect ending to such a romantic and highly charged evening. And yet it would be the worst thing they could possibly do _for they were almost complete_ _strangers_!

One-on-one dating in a romantic setting with someone you hardly know is really a very stupid thing to do. Not only is it a bit dangerous and a possible waste of time and money but it is foolishly playing 'married' before a real friendship has even begun. If you think about it, romantic dating is a kind of foreplay that should only be indulged in by those who are married or at least already committed to each other. And yet wine and candlelight over dinner is one of the most common dating venues used for _first_ dates!

But even if you choose a less romantic setting for a first date, it is still fraught with problems. Every first date ends with a great many _decisions_ that cannot be avoided or postponed for very long. And although they cannot possibly know each other except very superficially, each has to decide fairly quickly if they want to date that person again.

If the answer is 'no', then one of them may end up feeling rejected, both may feel their time was wasted and whoever paid for their fun may feel their money could have been better spent. If both answer 'yes' then there will have to be another such decision after the second...and third...and fourth date and thereafter until something is said or done that either dissolves or solidifies their relationship. And unless this is the person you want to spend your life with—and they feel the same way—eventually the decision not to date again will _have_ to be made. Whether that is after the third or fifteenth date, there will undoubtedly be some emotional price to pay for one or both parties. There may be feelings of rejection, guilt, unfairness, depression, sadness, or many other negatives. If the dating has continued for some time before one of the parties calls it quits, the emotions are consequentially much stronger and the 'breakup' can be devastating, often destroying the possibility of any future friendship. Add _any_ kind of sexual intimacy to the equation and _both_ parties walk away _damaged for life_.

If you think that sounds overly dramatic, think about this: One day you are hopefully going to find the love of your life. He or she will eventually want and _need_ to know about your past. _No one_ wants used goods in a marriage partner. Of course I am not so naïve as to believe that very many will be virgins on their wedding night these days but if you have to tell your beloved that you have had _dozens_ of sex partners, you are going to cause unavoidable and completely unnecessary distress.

No matter how cool and fun you might think it is now to have sex with as many people as you want, the person who falls deeply in love with you is _not_ going to feel the same. If the love of your life; the most wonderful person you've ever met; the person you are going to live with for the rest of your life 'to have and to hold till death do us part'; if that person tells you they've had sex with twenty-five or thirty-five different partners, _how do you think you'll feel_? I don't care how open-minded you are now, when you are in love, ALL the rules change; ALL past 'experience' becomes baggage—heavy, anguish-ridden, suspicion-filled, angry, heart-wrenching baggage! And not only will you have to deal with your own hurt and fears because of your partner's past relationships, you'll have to endure the pain _you know you're causing_ him or her.

Virtually everyone who marries a sexually 'experienced' mate tortures themselves with a great many horribly painful questions—questions they will probably ask knowing full well their partner will usually not answer truthfully (in many cases, _cannot_ ). Questions like: "When we have sex is it as good as sex with others in your past?" "Did you like any of your past partner's body's better than mine?" "Did any of them do things you wish we'd do?" "Did any please you in ways I don't?" "Did you do ______with them?" "Do you ever think of any of them when we have sex?" "Do you ever fantasize about being with them again?" "Will you be satisfied with just one partner now?" Etc etc ad nauseum.

Think it won't happen to you? Sorry, but it's as inevitable as the rising of the sun. We humans are _made_ that way and there's no getting around it. Ask almost anyone out there if they think it's OK to sleep around before marriage and they'll probably say, "Of course!" But then ask them if they were really deeply in love and/or married if it would be OK with them if their mate slept around _then_. Unless they're not being honest with themselves or are really twisted and perverted, they will inevitably say and emphatic 'NO'.

Past sexual experience is a double whammy when you really fall in love. Not only will you have to experience the pain, jealousy and suspicion in wondering about your partner's sexual past and all the questions that entails for you; you'll also grieve over the pain, jealousy and suspicion _you're_ causing your lover and all the questions he or she would like answered (which you will be hard-pressed to _ever_ answer satisfactorily, if at all!)

Although few will do it in this day and age, the most wonderful sex of all is between two people in love (and married) _who have never had sex with anyone else, ever_. Imagine the heavenly peace of mind they would have of knowing that their experiences together are _new to them both_ , knowing their lover is not comparing them to anyone or with any other past sexual escapades. Can you imagine how great that would be!? To realize that not only would you never have to worry about your partner's past but they wouldn't have to worry about yours?! Too idealistic you think? Yet that's probably the way it was for some of your parents and most of your grandparents! And remember ladies, you can only give the gift— _and it is indeed a gift_ —of your virginity ONCE. There is _nothing_ more precious that you can give the man you will one day love more than life itself. For those getting married, it is the ultimate gift—from both sides.

But I digress...

Having to constantly make decisions of whether or not to date this new person again isn't the only burden one-on-one dating incurs. Putting a man and woman together in a romantic setting with wine and candlelight can tempt them into intimacy long before they have even established a friendship as was stated above. Kissing and cuddling are a natural—if extremely premature—result of such romancing. And if there's been any such intimacy on a first or second date and one of you decides not to keep dating, the rejection will be even harder to take for the other.

Here are just a few more of the pitfalls of dating one-on-one too soon—there are many more!:

  * Too many people get 'stuck' in relationships they aren't happy in but they are either afraid they won't find someone better or don't know how to get out.

  * When it comes to dating, women don't ask men out unless they are very aggressive—and most men don't like aggressive women. So women must date whichever men find them physically attractive enough to date—what else do they have to go on?

  * Once you start dating for any length of time, no one else will—or should—ask you out. You have to see this relationship through before you can honestly start another one. If you do try to start another relationship while dating, you're character will be called into question.

  * The first dates are often rather artificial and stilted. To really get to know someone you need to see them in more natural settings—at work, with friends and family. Dating is anything but natural.

  * Unless this is the love of your life you _will_ eventually 'break up' and someone will almost certainly get hurt and feel used.

  * You often have to forsake your other friends when you're dating because your 'date' wants you all to him/herself.

  * Many 'put on a front' during initial stages of dating because they're nervous, afraid to let anyone get to know them, trying too hard, wanting only one 'thing', etc.

  * While dating someone you only _think_ you like, you often come across others you wish you could meet but that is not cricket when you're out with someone else.

Dating is very much like a mini marriage and breaking up is like a mini divorce. I suppose that might be one of the few benefits of strangers dating one-on-one because more than half the marriages in the U.S. end in divorce anyway so at least you do get some experience of it through dating! I speak as a fool.

Have you ever wondered what dating is like for the opposite sex? One thing both have in common—both know they're going to have to play _a lot of stupid games_ if they want to date, right? For guys, asking a girl out on a date for the first time is so nerve-wracking it's a wonder they ever do it! Even if they approach a girl in just the right way, say just the right things, have just the right look and are in the right place at the right time, they still can be rejected. And surely every guy in the world has been rejected at some time! Girls, have you ever been rejected for anything? Not accepted for the cheerleading squad? Refused a job? Snubbed by the 'in' group? If so, then you know what rejection feels like, don't you? How would you like to be rejected once or twice a week every week? That's what a lot of guys go through! Asking a girl out on a date is less appetizing for most guys than going to the dentist.

And a lot of women don't make it easy for the men. They don't pick up on the fact that even to say, "Hello" can be a heart-thumping experience for a lot of guys and that if the girl wants to meet him she needs to do something more than smile and walk away. Afraid of being seen as too 'easy' a girl might act so cool and coy that a guy feels he can't even approach her. Then when he finally does get up the courage to ask her out, she may tell him she's busy on that day and give him no encouragement to try for another evening.

Using excuses like, "Sorry but I have to water the lawn that day," or "Sorry but I'll be de-fleaing the dog" is both cruel and unwarranted. A girl should be kind no matter who asks her out and if she's really sorry she's not available she should say so and suggest another day!

Learning how to reject dates is an art, as is knowing when to end one, whether to date again, whether to kiss or hold hands, whether to 'go steady', how to break up, stay friends, keep intimacy at bay, deal with rejection and a whole host of other problems.

But there is a better way. Read on...

A guy has nothing to go on when he first meets a girl but her looks. Girls may decry the whole dating scene that gets them dates on looks alone, but that's the way it is. What other criteria can a guy use if he's going to date a girl he's never met before?! (Of course that's another reason why one-on-one dating is such a bad idea!) One of the biggest problems with beauty being the sole criteria for getting first dates is that too many girls try to engage more interest by exposing more of their bodies. While it does work to some degree, it isn't working quite in the way most girls hope it will, for most men see immodest clothing as trying too hard and/or a girl baiting them with sex. Immodest girls usually aren't taken seriously and are often only thought good for one-night-stands—after all, that's what they look like they're advertising! A classy girl who doesn't flaunt herself probably won't get as many dates as one dressed like a floozy but she'll definitely get more respect and more serious suitors.

For a lot of guys, dating is just one big game. Get the girl to go out, wine and dine her, then see if he can get her into bed. If she's really good in bed she might get a second date, otherwise she's history. Crass I know, but I'm afraid, all too true! A girl that 'gives out' on the first date shows herself to be either desperate, weak or easy—none of which are attractive to most men. A girl that wants a solid relationship has to have her guard up and will usually spend a great deal of time resisting her date's advances—though most girls give in eventually—something men are counting on! And since a lot of girls think one-on-one dating is the only way to get to know guys, they even accept the inevitable push for intimacy as 'normal'. Some may have become so conditioned to expecting it that if a guy doesn't 'try,' the girl actually feels rejected! Sad, but true!

When a girl gets asked on date by a guy she's only just met, subconsciously she may be thinking: "He doesn't know me so why is he asking me out?!" And the answer to that question is, since he fears he may never see her again if he doesn't ask her out now, he has to base his desire to date her solely on her looks. While most girls may be quite pleased that their looks have gotten them a date, there is a blatant message here few women can miss: _If any man will make a date with a woman based on her looks alone, he will probably dump her the moment a more attractive woman gets his attention!_ So of course most women put heavy stock in their beauty and go all-out to look their best because obviously looks are the most important attribute they have and perhaps the only one that will get them a date! Hence the skimpy clothes and come-hither looks they adopt. It's just another part of the game...

Another part of the dating game is pick-up lines. Almost all girls hate them and consider them shallow and stupid attempts by men to be suave, worldly and sophisticated. The men may think their flattery is clever but women know such pick-up lines have been tried and tested on plenty of other women besides themselves. Guy's pick-up lines are a lot like women's revealing clothing. They're a cheap trick that isn't special. Women think they're being more attractive and feminine in their revealing clothes; Guys see them as shallow, needy and willing to 'give out'. After all, that's what prostitutes do—advertise sex by what they wear! And when a woman dresses provocatively in public, every guy knows she's not doing it just for him!

So taking all the above into account, here's a very important question: Have you ever started dating someone only to find—on getting to know them and their friends better—you liked one of their friends better? Doesn't it usually happen AFTER you've already been dating the wrong one for some time? And if they are good friends, you can't just dump one and start dating the other, right? Yeah, been there, done that!

Personally I hate the whole dating scene! The games and intrigue; the getting stuck and breaking up—it's all so childish! I hate to have to play games when what I want is a serious relationship built on trust and respect. Pick-up lines, attention-getting attire, untoward advances, aggression and false impressions just aren't my scene. But that's dating for you!

Wouldn't it be far, far better to get to _know_ people before starting to date them?

I suggest that dating one-on-one be reserved for that special guy or gal that you've already gotten to know and feel quite sure could be the love of your life.

But, you'll say, how then do I get to know someone without dating them? Well, as a personal aside, I met my beloved soul mate—the love of my life—the man I am currently married to— _and was well on my way to being in love with him—before we had even one single date!_

You've heard of men and women falling in love by working together, going to school together or serving on some project together. Most had no intention of falling in love—it just happened! And the love they shared was based on character, personality, likes and dislikes and mutual understanding—things that take TIME to find out. Little, if any, romance was usually involved—especially in a work environment.

But apart from situations where you are accidentally thrown together, how can men and women get to know each other without all the handicaps of one-on-one dating?

I would like to suggest a way of getting to know the opposite sex that is far less risky than the typical dating scene, far more fun and far less expensive. Here is a list of some of the benefits:

  * A non-romantic setting that promotes friendship first

  * Less chance of, and no expectation of intimacy

  * Costs far less and the monetary burden is shared

  * A chance to get to know someone of the opposite sex with no strings attached

  * The opportunity to get to know someone in a more natural setting without pressure

  * No need to decide whether or not you will 'date' someone again

  * No guilty feeling you are 'leading someone on' because you continue to see them

  * The chance to find out if the relationship is going to be just friends without hurting anyone

  * A chance to get to know someone you might never have gone on a one-on-one date with

  * The opportunity to serve others by introducing them to your friends

  * Staying friends with all those you get to know instead of leaving hurt and wounded parties along the way

There are many more benefits that you will discover as you enjoy this way of 'dating'. And that way is to Group Date. From teens to seniors, I believe singles should _never_ date one-on-one until it is _obvious_ from group dating that there is a deep friendship between two people, a friendship that could lead to commitment. Group dating is the easy, comfortable and more enjoyable way to promote _friendship_ _first_ —which is the basis of ALL enduring relationships.

One of the benefits of group dating is that anyone can invite others to the group. Girls don't have to wait to be asked out when they're merely asking someone to come to a party or bar-b-que. In a group setting you don't have to make the mistake of picking someone then finding it's his/her best friend who actually turns out to be the better choice. The pressure of making difficult decisions is gone and there's no need to get 'stuck' with someone you don't really hit it off with. Also, you get to watch people interact with others and find out things about them it would take months to find out just dating them.

There is so much fun to be had by groups that it's a shame one-on-one dating ever got started! Besides the obvious parties, there are:

Bowling

Skating

Volleyball

Hiking

Bar-b-ques on the beach or lake

Picnics

Potlucks

Campouts

Games nights

Movie nights

Projects in the community

Biking

Museums

Sports stadiums

Fairs

Dancing

Restaurants and more

Group dating is safe, fun and provides a far better arena for mate selection than the laborious, costly and baggage-ridden one-on-one dating.

And still, the best is yet to come!

Have you ever noticed how tongue-tied and foolish you can be when you're trying to make a good impression on some gorgeous guy or girl? Funny how we do all the wrong things just when it's so vital that we do the right things! And do you know why you flub up in these situations so many times? _Because your mind is on yourself!_ You're thinking about how YOU'RE coming across; how YOU'RE looking; what she/he will think about YOU! If you were really concerned for the other person, you would be far calmer and level-headed.

There is a story of a man who died and had neither been terribly good nor terribly bad in life. God sent an angel to take him to heaven and hell to see which he would pick. When he got to hell he found to his surprise, people sitting across from each other at a huge table absolutely laden with food! But although the table was groaning with food and everyone appeared ravenous, no one was eating a thing. Puzzled, he looked closer and saw that tied to each person's hand was a huge fork too long to put in their mouth. Every once in awhile someone would struggle with all their might to get food into their mouth but it was impossible and they all sat gnashing their teeth in frustration and hunger.

When the angel took the man to heaven, amazingly he saw the exact same situation with the food-laden tables and huge forks extending from their arms. But here the people were all chatting happily and eating all they wanted. The difference? They were feeding each other across the table!

What if, instead of always looking out for old number one, you decided to help your friends find the love of their lives and used every opportunity to invite people to your group that you thought would be someone one of your friends would like? And what if, at every party, you spent some of your time introducing people to each other and helping them meet the people you thought would suit them? The person who would benefit the most from this would undoubtedly be _you!_ Attempting to bring others together is a great way to get to know people and while you are helping others you will likely get to know more people than anyone. Also, your friends are very likely going to catch the 'bug' and start helping you to meet friends they know.

Group dating is a safe, fun, exciting environment that allows people to become friends _first_. Reserve candlelight dinners, strolling under the moonlight, watching the sun go down from atop a hill for someone special who you already have gotten to know. So many heartaches and so much waste of time could be avoided if singles would group date first!

***

##

## I Can't be Nice—He'll think I'm Interested

#### Love One Another

Because of unwanted attention from men, some women won't even make eye contact with male strangers and certainly would never smile at them. While this is understandable and perhaps necessary on the street, it should _not_ be necessary within the Church.

What men need to understand is that if a woman smiles at them, says 'hello' or even spends time talking to them, it _doesn't_ mean she's ready to pick out curtains! It means she's being friendly and if you take it as anything more than that, you're overstepping your bounds. If you ask a girl out or pursue her in any way the first time she smiles at you or says 'hello', don't be surprised if _all_ the girls stop smiling and talking to you—women do talk! A man needs to get to know a woman before asking her out on a date—otherwise he may appear desperate and/or foolish. After all, if he doesn't _know_ her, at least a little, why is he asking her out?! And the best place for singles to get to know each other is within a group setting without the pressure of dating, romance and foolish pursuits. Even then, men should only date women they have a lot in common with and who show more than just a casual interest in them.

While it is understandable that women—especially younger women—won't even be nice to some men in their Church for fear they will get the wrong idea, it isn't God's way. Yes, many men do run away with their own imaginations just because a pretty girl smiles at them but it's much better for women to learn how to handle possibly awkward situations than for them to become cold, aloof and snobbish.

There's nothing wrong with a woman gently telling a pursuing man that she's not interested in dating him and thinks of him only as a friend. And men, if a woman says she only wants to be friends, respect that! You can still talk to her _occasionally_ ; you might ask her for a dance at a social; she probably wouldn't mind you sending her an email once in awhile. But if you try to dominate her time, ask her out on dates or otherwise pursue her, you are dead wrong and deserve the cold shoulder she will inevitably give you!

Men should treat _all_ women as their sisters, women should treat _all_ men as their brothers—God's family is not a place for insensitivity, rejection or snobbery.

" _By this shall all men know that ye are my disciples, if ye have love one to another." John 13:35_

***

## Finding the Love of Your Life

#### Be Not Unequally Yoked

Most who want to get married know they must first find the right person. Dr. David Clark-Warren—psychologist and counselor for Focus on the Family—agrees. In his book "Finding the Love of Your Life" he states that the major mistake some 85% of those in unhappy marriages made was in marrying the wrong person!

So how do you know who is the right person for you? Well, strange as it may seem, knowing who to look for is actually the _easiest_ part of the process. Because—again as Dr. Clark-Warren points out—you should be looking for someone _exactly like you!_

The Bible backs up this principle when it says, "Can two walk together unless they be agreed?" Amos 3:3 and "Be not unequally yoked together." II Corinthians 6:14 Of course this is referring to having similar spiritual values—the morals you live by, your character and the beliefs that form you—obviously the most important part of who you are. Yet having the same core values is still not enough! If you desperately want a family and the person you are courting has no desire for one, that is probably a conflict too great to overcome in marriage. If you like to stay active and do things out of doors and your potential mate is a couch potato, that will be a huge stumbling block. Certainly you don't ever want to try to make a marriage with someone who is addicted to drugs, an alcoholic, or struggling with severe emotional imbalances or obsessions; nor should you ever marry someone with the idea of changing them! And while you may have heard that opposites attract and should therefore marry, aren't male and female _plenty_ opposite enough?

The key to a happy marriage can be summed up in one word: Compatibility. Compatibility is first having the same core values and secondly having most of the same likes and dislikes. This does not mean you must look for someone with the same kind of personality—it is not similar personalities that necessarily create compatibility but similar values, principles and way of living. Although marriage is built on _both_ romance and friendship—you can't have one without the other—romance may ebb and flow, but a friendship built on compatibility will keep you together.

The bottom line is this: First _know yourself_ and then find someone _as much like you as possible_! (For more on this subject, read Dr. Clark-Warren's book, " _Finding the Love of Your Life_ ".)

***

## I'm Not Married-Is There Something Wrong with Me?

#### Trials

"My mate hasn't been converted-is there something wrong with me?" "I'm married but can't have children-is there something wrong with me?" "I was married but my mate died-is there something wrong with me?"

No one goes through life without trials. And being single can indeed be a trial. But so is poor health, being childless, losing a mate, being out of work, bearing a handicapped child, etc etc. So unless you are also going to look at others with various trials and ask if there's 'something wrong' with them, you shouldn't look at yourself as single as being any different or having any greater trial than they do. Paul was talking to brethren in the Church when he said, "No temptation (trial) has overtaken you _except such as is common to man_ ..."(I Corinthians 10:13)

Singles often 'single' themselves out as unlovable, unwanted, unappreciated or even weird because they're not married—as if marriage would put them in a different 'class'. Yet if they could look into the hearts of many that are presently married they might see _many_ of the same feelings! There are also plenty in unhappy marriages who secretly think it would be _far_ better to be single-which it might be for them!

While a good marriage is wonderful beyond belief, being single is definitely superior to being in a bad marriage! Did you ever think that maybe you were blessed to _not_ be married? The heart-wrenching anguish of being married to someone who is totally incompatible to you, abusive, immature, or selfish is so much worse than being single that there is _no_ comparison! You think it's a trial being single? Try being married to the wrong person! You think you have been foolish, selfish, or 'not spiritual enough' to have found a mate yet? How do you think those stuck in miserable marriages feel?

God promotes marriage but He neither promises that all will be married nor that all marriages will be happy. He wants us to have children but He neither promises that all marriage unions will have them nor that all babies will be born perfect. He heals and blesses and protects but He doesn't promise that we'll never suffer.

And if being unmarried is indeed a sign that there's something 'wrong' with you, then how do you reconcile that with the fact that the only perfect man who ever lived was _never_ married?

***

## The Single Malady

#### Esteem Others Better than Yourself

As a single person I suffered from a malady that made my life miserable. If you're single, I wonder if you also suffer from this 'disease'? Are you worried that you might never find a mate? Are you discouraged that your Church area has too few singles to choose from? Do you date outside your Church because there's nobody for you inside the Church? Do you feel you're sort of wasting your time getting to know members that aren't potential mates?

These were some of the symptoms of my own malady. I could go on describing how I judged every function's potential to be a success or failure solely on whether there were any 'interesting' singles there. I could tell you how I'd look around any group and feel immediately depressed when I couldn't spot any singles I thought were attractive or even in my age bracket. Sound familiar?

The disease these are all symptoms of is simple _self-centeredness_ , and I had a nice large dose of it! If being completely consumed with myself had been the key to happiness, I'd have been _extremely_ happy. But, alas, selfishness has one infallible end: "For where envy and _self-seeking_ exist _,_ confusion and every evil thing are there." James 3:16

Do you envy married people or other singles that seem more 'marriageable' than you? Are you confused about how to find a mate and what God wants of you as a single person? Do you feel like you just keep going in circles, beating your head against the wall in the whole dating scene? If so, then I rest James' case! Self-seeking is the problem, pure and simple.

Some have a wholly mistaken idea that you can't grow much or contribute much or be balanced or truly accepted unless and until you are married. Yet Paul and Christ and many other great Christian men and women were not married for all or most of their lives. And there are many single people in God's Church who lead exemplary lives and are happy and fulfilled.

They have undoubtedly found the solution to the problem of self-seeking which Paul describes in  Philippians 2:4 "Let each of you look out not only for his own interests, but also for the interests of others." What if, instead of trying so hard to find a mate for yourself, you tried to help other singles meet their potential mates? What if, instead of getting discouraged because there's no one you want to date in your congregation, you brought singles together for fun and fellowship so they wouldn't feel so lonely? What if you stopped always thinking about fulfilling your own dreams and thought about helping others fulfill theirs?

When you look out for the interests of others and get your mind off yourself, all kinds of wonderful things can happen. There is no greater joy than in giving—that's why God Himself gives so much. So when you stop trying to get for yourself and focus on others success and happiness, you _will_ be happier—guaranteed.

And if your motives for approaching singles of the opposite sex are truly altruistic, you will probably be more confident and welcomed by them. Haven't you men found many a single woman defensive when you try to talk to her? That's because your 'hidden' motives for talking to her aren't all that hidden! But if you approach a single woman because you're trying to get singles together as a group, she will probably be much more receptive.

And if you want to be married one day, why not acquire the absolutely essential trait of selflessness now? You don't have to wait for marriage! You can grow in this area in the same way married people do by looking out for the interests of others instead of just yourself. And you'll be far more 'eligible' if you develop this trait as a single person for all married people must learn to put another person's needs before their own or their marriage won't succeed.

Do you know singles who don't like to date? Provide a safe place for them to socialize—a group-oriented setting where everyone can just be friends. Do you know singles who find meeting people awkward? Ask them to join a group outing and bring along some of the singles they'd like to get to know. Open your home for movie nights or potlucks or have small private dinner parties where you can help singles meet who might not otherwise. Make it your job to bring people out; to help them feel comfortable; to promote friendship and friendly discussions.

[Many singles don't like large single activities. Wrong or right, they may see them as 'meat markets' or, at best, a stigmatized group of losers who don't have the courage or wherewithal to date. But they might like smaller, hand-picked dinner parties or outings. Everyone doesn't have to be a part of everything—instead of criticizing, create opportunities for all.]

There's one other benefit from helping others in this way: It's quite possible that you could get to know someone on a deeper level that you didn't think you'd be interested in and find they are your soul-mate. This should not be your goal in helping others, but it does happen! I know because it happened to me! I began getting groups together simply to have something to do on Friday and Saturday evenings and I found the love of my life! We had a very solid bond of friendship long before we ever dated one-on-one. It led to love and a very happy marriage.

Traditional dating is too often counter-productive to friendship and often leaves a trail of heartache and grief, especially if it has led to intimacy with no commitment. Dating one-on-one is a perfect setup for rushing into romance and intimacy without any previous bond or friendship—most people wouldn't actually treat good friends the way they do 'dates'!

Instead of feeling sorry for yourself that you aren't married, or dismayed because God hasn't sent your soul-mate to you, get proactive and try to _help others_ fulfill their dreams. I guarantee you that the one who will benefit the most will be _you!_ "If you give, you will receive. Your gift will return to you in full measure, pressed down, shaken together to make room for more, and running over. Whatever measure you use in giving-large or small-it will be used to measure what is given back to you." Luke 6:38

***

## Bible Study

#### Self-Esteem, Should a Christian seek it?

#### Esteem Others Better than Yourself

1. What is self-esteem?

The Cambridge Dictionary defines self esteem as: "Belief and confidence in your own ability and value." The American Heritage Dictionary defines it as "Pride in oneself"

Self-esteem, by its very words—'esteeming self'—can easily result in either arrogance and superiority or self-centeredness and self-loathing. [For more insight into the self-esteem ideology, read the editorial in the Oct-Dec online issue of VT] Add the year i.e. 2006? This could be linked when put on the website.

Obtaining the right kind of confidence can only be based on true self-worth—feeling you are a valuable person to be respected and loved. Without this deep sense of worth you can never be truly happy. Most parents automatically give unconditional love and worth to their children—loving and adoring them long before they've accomplished anything! And while a parent's love is a great start, it isn't all you need.

"It is often said that to have a fulfilling life, three essentials are required: a clear sense of personal identity, a deep sense of faith and meaning, and a strong sense of purpose and mission...If you don't answer the most important questions of your life, then you will be gullible for any crazy idea(s) that you encounter" Editorial June VT 2008

Those who try to build self-esteem find it a shallow and temporary endeavor. Every defeat or failure sends self-esteem into the basement again. So how do you get that 'clear sense of personal identity' that leads to real confidence? If you have ever been around someone who is conceited, arrogant or self-righteous, you probably realize these are not the kind of 'identities' you want to portray. And, while good grooming, wearing nice clothes and being as attractive as possible help, they aren't the basis for true inner confidence and a healthy self-image. The Bible has a great deal to say about how we are to think of ourselves and our personal value.

Love or Hate Ourselves?

2. Are we to think well of ourselves?

 GALATIONS 5:14 For all the law is fulfilled in one word, even in this: "You shall love your neighbor as yourself."

 EPHESIANS 5:28-29 So husbands ought to love their own wives as their own bodies; he who loves his wife loves himself. For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as the Lord does the church.

3. Can someone who doesn't love themselves love anyone else? Is it therefore wrong to love ourselves?

Some people have a great deal of difficulty loving themselves because they've never gotten enough unconditional love. Bullies, clowns, those that are quiet, boisterous, bad, as well as many other types may be putting up a front while deep down they don't really like themselves very much. Again, they need a true sense of self-worth and are going about trying to get it in all the wrong ways!

4. Do some love themselves too much or for the wrong reasons?

The Bible nowhere tells us to love ourselves—it is a given. It is because we automatically love ourselves that we are told to love others as ourselves. Do some love themselves too much or for the wrong reasons?

This is the slippery slope we have wrestled with in the past over this topic. Is it true that people "love" themselves or that they have a strong urge for self preservation. People can actually do all types of things out of weakness and really NOT like themselves, yet not change. Even in the scriptures you quote below II Timothy 3, "lovers" implies inward concern, rather than outward concern. This is a warped approach to agape or godly love.

 II Timothy 3:1-2 ...In the last days...men will be lovers of themselves, lovers of money, boasters, proud, blasphemers...

5. In what way do people show they are 'lovers of themselves'?

Comment: The idea that we need "self" esteem has caused some to be completely self-absorbed and self-centered—'lovers of themselves'—just as Paul prophesied. Good point...

What happens when people are self-centered?

JAMES 3:16 For where envy and self-seeking exist, confusion and every evil thing are there.

6. In what way are we to think of ourselves?

 ROMANS 12:3 For I say, through the grace given to me, to everyone who is among you, not to think of himself more highly than he ought to think, but to think soberly, as God has dealt to each one a measure of faith.

 PHILIPPIANS 2:3 Let nothing be done through selfish ambition or conceit, but in lowliness of mind let each esteem others better than himself. [For a better understanding of what it means to esteem others, read the VT article: Overcoming Shyness April 2008]

Comment: Strong's concordance states that "lowliness of mind" is: having a humble opinion of one's self. Some think that being humble means being weak but Christ had immense power to heal, teach, forgive sins and judge. He spoke openly and honestly and berated the religious leaders for their hypocrisy, even turning over the money-changer's tables in the Temple. His humility was in his servitude to mankind, eventually giving His very life for us. [For more information read our free booklet: Jesus Christ: The Real Story] Strong point, might move this up earlier in the guide.

7. Does 'lowliness of mind' mean we must think of ourselves as worse than everyone else?

8. Does 'esteeming others better than self' mean you must downplay your own abilities and talents? How can false modesty—degrading your true talent or ability—actually come across as fishing for praise?

35. Who does God esteem? Good point, again could be moved up in the discussion....

 PSALM 5:12 For You, O LORD, will bless the righteous; With favor You will surround him as with a shield.

PROVERBS 3:1-4 "My son, do not forget my law but let your heart keep my commands...write them on the tablet of your heart, and so find favor and high esteem in the sight of God and man."

[For a better understanding of what God has planned for us, read the Bible Correspondence Course Lesson 7 "The Calling of God"]

34. How does keeping God's laws help you 'find favor and high esteem' in the sight of man?

9. Is it Ok to boast about your abilities and accomplishments?

PROVERBS 27:2 Let another man praise you, and not your own mouth; A stranger, and not your own lips.

10. How should we view any talents and gifts we have?

 JAMES 1:17 NIV Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows.

1 PETER 4:10 NIV Each one should use whatever gift he has received to serve others, faithfully administering God's grace in its various forms. For a better understanding of how to view our various gifts, see the Oct-Dec Online VT [year] article: [Ecclesiastes: The Thinking Young Adult's Guide to Life]

12. How did Paul talk about his abilities?

 PHILIPPIANS 3:4,7,8 ... I myself have reasons for such confidence. If anyone else thinks he has reasons to put confidence in the flesh, I have more:...But what things were gain to me, those I counted loss for Christ. What is more, I consider everything a loss compared to the surpassing greatness of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, for whose sake I have lost all things. I consider them rubbish, that I may gain Christ

 II CORINTHIANS 12:11 HNV I have become foolish in boasting. You compelled me, for I ought to have been commended by you, for in nothing was I behind the very best apostles, though I am nothing.

13. What did Paul boast of?

 II CORINTHIANS 11:30 NIV If I must boast, I will boast of the things that show my weakness.

14. What does Paul mean "boast of the things that show my weakness"?

II CORINTHIANS 12:9-10 ...Therefore most gladly I will rather boast in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me. Therefore I take pleasure in infirmities, in reproaches, in needs, in persecutions, in distresses, for Christ's sake. For when I am weak, then I am strong.

15. How was Paul strong when he was weak?

EPHESIANS 3:20 Now to Him who is able to do exceedingly abundantly above all that we ask or think, according to the power that works in us

The spirit of competition is fine for sports and games (as long as everyone always remembers it is only a game!) but in real life, always thinking you have to be better, prettier, smarter, richer, stronger, etc. than anyone else, will only cause you grief. Admitting you are weak and need help is the first step in allowing God's Word to guide you; the first step in letting the power of God work in you. God already knows we're made from dust—the sooner we realize it, the sooner He can work with us and really make something of us!

How does God view us?

16. Is anyone really good?

 ROMANS 3:10 As it is written: "There is none righteous, no, not one; There is none who understands; There is none who seeks after God. They have all turned aside; They have together become unprofitable; There is one who does good, no, not one."

ISAIAH 64: But we are all like an unclean thing, and all our righteousness's are like filthy rags; we all fade as a leaf, and our iniquities, like the wind, have taken us away.

 ROMANS 3:23 ...for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God

 MARK 10:18 Jesus said to him, "Why do you call Me good? No one is good but One, that is, God."

17. Though we are not good, what does God think of us?

LUKE 12:6-7 Are not five sparrows sold for two pennies? Yet not one of them is forgotten by God. Indeed, the very hairs of your head are all numbered. Don't be afraid; you are worth more than many sparrows.

HEBREWS 2:6-8 What is man that You are mindful of him, or the son of man that You take care of him? You have made him a little lower than the angels; you have crowned him with glory and honor, and set him over the works of your hands. You have put all things in subjection under his feet.

 1 JOHN 3:1 Behold what manner of love the Father has bestowed on us, that we should be called children of God!

Comment: Even though we all sin, we are of great value to God for our purpose on earth is to become His very children. [For further information read our free booklets "What is Your Destiny?" and "Making Life Work"]

"Too many people overvalue what they are not and undervalue what they are." Malcolm S. Forbes

Christ's Example

18. Was Christ humble?

PHILIPPIANS 2:5-8 Let this mind be in you, which was also in Christ Jesus:...[He] made Himself of no reputation, taking the form of a bondservant, and coming in the likeness of men. And being found in appearance as a man, He humbled Himself and became obedient to the point of death, even the death of the cross.

19. If you want to become great, what should you do?

MARK 10:43-44 ...whosoever would become great among you, shall be your minister [servant]; and whosoever would be first among you, shall be servant of all.

 JAMES 4:10 Humble yourselves in the sight of the Lord, and He will lift you up.

 1 PETER 5:6-7 Therefore humble yourselves under the mighty hand of God, that He may exalt you in due time, casting all your care upon Him, for He cares for you.

Comment: The 1964-1983 Webster's New Universal Unabridged Dictionary defines _humble_ as: _having or showing a consciousness of one's defects or shortcomings; not proud; modest_.

Humility is not denying the God-given abilities and talents you have but admitting that they were given you and not something you have gotten for yourself. If you deny the talents you've been given, you lie. If you have a fine voice, to deprecate it is to show a lack of appreciation for it. If you've been given a talent in art, to deny you have it is to be unthankful to God for it. When we fail to recognize, appreciate, and use the talent that we have been given, we aren't being humble, we're being ungrateful.

True humility is self-forgetfulness. False humility in the form of self-degradation or self-contempt is still self-centered! True humility stops thinking about the self and concentrates on others.

20. Why is humility necessary for true confidence and a proper personal identity?

 PSALM 25:9 The humble He guides in justice, And the humble He teaches His way.

 PROVERBS 15:33 The fear of the LORD is the instruction of wisdom, And before honor is humility.

21. How do proud and arrogant people usually treat instruction or wisdom?

Comment: Humble people know they don't know everything and seek to know and understand. God can only work with someone who is teachable and acknowledges that they don't know all. Pride is one of the worst sins because it keeps you from true knowledge and understanding. And without true knowledge you cannot live the way that brings the only lasting confidence.

ISAIAH 66:2 NLT "I will bless those who have humble and contrite hearts, who tremble at my word.

22. What is the confidence of the humble?

 PSALM 37:11 But the meek [humble] shall inherit the earth, and shall delight themselves in the abundance of peace.

23. Why do humble people have peace when the proud do not?

JAMES 3:17 But the wisdom that is from above is first pure, then peaceable, gentle, willing to yield, full of mercy and good fruits, without partiality and without hypocrisy.

"If anyone would like to acquire humility, I can, I think, tell him the first step. The first step is to realize that one is proud. And a biggish step, too." The way to take this first step, continued Lewis, is to glimpse the greatness of God and see oneself in light of it. "He and you are two things of such a kind that if you really get into any kind of touch with Him you will, in fact, be humble, feeling the infinite relief of having for once got rid of all the silly nonsense about your own dignity which has made you restless and unhappy all your life" (C.S. Lewis, Mere Christianity [Macmillan, 1960], p.99).

38. Will God exalt those that are humble?

 1 PETER 5:6-7 Therefore humble yourselves under the mighty hand of God, that He may exalt you in due time, casting all your care upon Him, for He cares for you. To understand how to become more humble, read our free article: [Cultivate the Spiritual Fruit of Humility February 2002 United News]

Summary

1. Instead of self-esteem, what should we be striving for? How?

2. What does being humble mean? How does pride get in the way of having true confidence?

3. What does God want us to have confidence about?

Comment: It is not wrong to feel satisfaction in a job well done or any other kind of achievement and there is a right kind of pride in taking care of ourselves and in doing our best. However, feeling superior to others is a wrong form of pride and is based on a false belief that we are somehow to be commended for the talents and abilities that have led to our achievements. An accurate assessment of your own abilities and achievements is not wrong, however, acting superior or inferior, because of them, is!

Feeling inferior is also wrong and is based on a false assumption that we are not as worthy as those that were born with certain attributes we don't have. True confidence has nothing to do with talents, abilities or attributes. Regardless of anyone's apparent superiority in looks, talents or achievements, we are ALL equal in the sight of God and all have the same potential; we are each unique and all deserve to be respected and loved. Unlike us, God is no respecter of persons! (Acts 10:34) And God loved us while we were yet sinners sending His own beloved Son to die for us—each one of us. For a better understanding of Christ's sacrifice and our sins, read [Who Really Killed Jesus? | VerticalThought [April - June 2007]

" _We are all worms. but I do believe that I am a glow-worm."_ Winston Churchill

***

Chapter 3: Christian Doctrine

## Are You Ready for False Doctrine?

#### Study to Show Yourself Approved

Would you know a counterfeit bill if you saw one? Unless it was the proverbial three-dollar bill, I know I wouldn't! Because counterfeiters are very sophisticated these days and their false money can be extremely hard to tell from the real thing. And though there are always mistakes—wrong color, texture, paper type, watermarks, numbers, symbols, etc.—if you had to obtain and study each variant, it would be a near-impossible and non-ending task.

But if you were trained by the FBI, you wouldn't need to worry much about fakes. Because they use a nearly foolproof method that makes most counterfeits stand out like that three-dollar bill, no matter what the differences may be.

And what is the basis of this clever scheme? _To simply study the real thing!_ A great deal of their schooling is spent memorizing every square millimeter; every nuance of color and texture; every mark and symbol on actual bills. Then, when faced with a phony, they compare it to their firm mental picture of the real thing and they are rarely fooled. Even if they don't spot the actual mistake right away, they've spent so much time with the genuine article that something fishy, looks and feels—well, fishy!

There's a lesson here for Christians. The Bible tells us that Satan himself can appear as an 'angel of light' (II Corinthians 11:14) and deceives _many._ And we are to beware of the 'commandments of men' (Mark 7:7); 'false teachers' (Matthew 7:15); and 'heresies' (I Corinthians 11:19). But how? By searching out and studying every false doctrine and heresy out there? Like the search for counterfeiter's mistakes, that would be a near-impossible and non-ending task.

Instead, we should take a leaf out of the pages of the FBI and _study the real thing_ **—the Bible** , the very Word of God. In Acts 17:11 the Bereans were commended for they: '...searched the scriptures daily, whether those things were so.' We're told to: 'Study to show yourself approved of God...' (II Timothyothy 2:15) and to 'Prove all things; hold fast that which is good.' (I Thessalonians 5:21).

I don't know about you, but I simply don't have time to read all kinds of treatises on doctrines and other people's beliefs. Of course there are many study guides and Christian literature that help in understanding the Bible but these must never be used _in place of_ the Bible. The Bible says that in the end times _many_ shall be deceived. (Matthew 24: 5, 11). Knowing the truth—the genuine article—is the only way to be prepared for counterfeits

Keep your nose in the Bible—know it, love it, be sure of the truth of it—then when you encounter falsehoods in any guise, you will recognize the fake.

***

## The Bullet-proof Vest

#### Faith

Like everyone else on the beat, Detective Sergeant Joe had heard the lectures on bullet-proof vests and had found them entirely convincing. And he'd worn his vest pretty regularly too! At first. But they're heavy and cumbersome and took precious time to put on, so once in awhile Joe decided he could do without it. But not because he didn't believe they worked. Not at all! There was no doubt in his mind that bullet-proof vests could and did save lives. He'd heard the statistics and was utterly convinced that a man had a far greater chance of surviving on the police force if he wore the vest. And he did—most of the time.

When the thug he was trying to arrest shot him point blank in the chest, Joe hardly knew what hit him. His partner, Mike, tried desperately to help him, but, without the life-saving vest, the bullet had entered Joes' heart and he lived only a few moments after impact. Tears of anger and regret flowed from Mike's eyes as he watched his friend and co-worker die in his arms. He would curse himself a thousand times thereafter, telling himself that he should have somehow 'made' Joe wear that vest!

It was a grisly reminder to police everywhere and the requirement to wear the vest at all times became doubly enforced all across the country. Joe's death was so unnecessary...

'He would almost certainly still be alive if only he'd been wearing his bullet-proof vest,' was the tortuous comment that would not die. If only he'd worn the vest Joe _professed_ to believe in.

Knowledge is not enough. Belief is not enough. Conviction is not enough. Lectures, statistics, evidence—not enough.

'What does it profit, my fellow workers, though a man says he believes in bullet proof vests and does not wear one? Can belief save him? You prove to me you believe in the protection they give _without_ wearing one and I will prove my belief in their effectiveness _by_ _always_ wearing one. Belief, without action, is dead!' (loosely borrowed from James 2:14,18, 26)

What about you? Do you have faith without works? Are you just a 'Believer'?

Not every one that says unto me, Lord, Lord, shall enter into the kingdom of heaven; but he that does the will of my Father which is in heaven. Matthew 7:21

***

## Is There an Easy Way to Be Righteous?

#### Work Out Your Own Salvation

The Jews have a set of laws called the _Mishnah_ , a written list of thousands of do's and don'ts to (supposedly) keep them on the straight and narrow road of keeping the laws of God. It forms an eight hundred-page book of Scribal Law plus twelve Jerusalem volumes and sixty Babylonian volumes of commentary! Here is just one example about writing on the Sabbath which shows how controlling these laws are:

"He who writes two letters of the alphabet with his right or with his left hand, whether of one kind or of two kinds, if they are written with different inks or in different languages, is guilty. Even if he should write two letters from forgetfulness, he is guilty, whether he has written them with ink or with paint, red chalk, vitriol, or anything which makes a permanent mark. Also he that writes on two walls that form an angle, or on two tablets of his account book so that they can be read together is guilty."

It's hard to imagine a more ridiculous way to live, yet for centuries Jews have believed they were being righteous by following these multitudinous rules. When the Son of God came, He purposely trampled all over those rules to show us all that keeping the laws of God must come from the heart, from a deep understanding of God and His love, not an endless list of do's and don'ts. His disregard for their petty rules is one of the reasons He was crucified!

But do you think we Christians are exempt from such nonsense?

The Bible says you can give everything you own to the poor and allow your body to be burned, yet still be nothing if you don't have love. (I Corinthians 13:3) You could keep every rule in the Church and obey every mandate from your minister and still be as unconverted as a cow. Some are so dedicated to following men and their rules, (instead of Christ) that they have drunk poisoned Kool-Aid and trekked to the top of a mountain to await flying saucers from space!

Did they not remember that as Christians they are to "Work out your own salvation with fear and trembling" Philippians 2:12?

You cannot expect your minister to give you a set of rules that will _make you_ a Christian. This is impossible. The responsibility of all ministers is to preach to you the principles of Godliness, the Word of God and the spiritual intent of the laws of God. Christ did that very thing in the Sermon on the Mount. He said, "You've heard that you should not kill but I say to you not to be angry without cause or even call your brother a fool!" (Matthew 5:21-22 Paraphrased) The principle is that we are not to hate or let anger rule us. It is this that _leads_ to killing. The whole law is a law of love and it is not enough to keep the letter of the law. A Christian's goal for life is to know and keep the spirit of the law.

It's not enough to not commit adultery. You must not even lust in your heart. It is this that _leads_ to adultery. It's not enough to love your neighbor, you must also love your enemies and bless them! Hate for your enemies _leads_ to bitterness and revenge and murder—hardly a Godly quality.

Although we are to be subject to all of God's ministers, it is not a minister's responsibility to tell you what you must believe or what you must do in your personal life. He should give you the principles of God from the Word and give you advice from his own experience or point of view, but it is up to each of us to decide how to live and what to believe. Remember, "Whatsoever is not of faith, is sin!" (Romans 14:23) A Christian must not follow blindly or he may end up following a man (the definition of a cult?) instead of Christ. We must sift every word of advice through the filter of God's Word because no one can get into the Kingdom on anyone else's shirt-tails. God will not accept the excuse, "But Pastor So-and-so told me to do it!"

Sets of rules, dictates from other Christians or ministers, lists of duties—will never make a True Christian of anyone! Understanding the _principles_ of God's laws will give you the tools by which to root out all ungodliness from your life. Let it be your heart, educated from God's Word, and guided by His Spirit that condemns or approves your actions. As God said in Hebrews 10:16, ""This is the covenant that I will make with them after those days, says the LORD: I will put My laws into their hearts, and in their minds I will write them."

Our responsibility is to God, not man. On the Day of Judgment we will stand alone before God. Becoming righteous is _your own_ responsibility!

Because strait is the gate, and narrow is the way, which leadeth unto life, and few there be that find it. Matthew 7:14

***

## Why are we Here?

#### God's Plan

No, you're right, I can't possibly answer the biggest question of the universe in such a short article. How ridiculous to even try! Yet, bear with me, for it is not I that will tell you, but God through His word! Read just the capitalized words in each scripture, then go back and read the whole thing. Then get on your knees and praise your Father in Heaven Who is also Your God!

"Blessed are the peacemakers: for they shall be CALLED THE CHILDREN OF GOD." Matthew 5:9

"But love you your enemies, and do good and lend, hoping for nothing again; and your reward shall be great and YOU SHALL BE THE CHILDREN OF THE HIGHEST: for he is kind unto the unthankful and to the evil." Luke 6:35

"The Spirit itself bears witness with our spirit, that WE ARE THE CHILDREN OF GOD: And if children, then HEIRS OF GOD, AND JOINT-HEIRS WITH CHRIST; if so be that we suffer with him, that we may be also glorified together." Romans 8:16-17

"He that overcomes shall inherit all things, and I WILL BE HIS GOD, AND HE SHALL BE MY SON." Revelation 21:7

"For unto which of the angels said He at any time, YOU ARE MY SON, THIS DAY HAVE I BEGOTTEN YOU? And again, I WILL BE TO HIM A FATHER, AND HE SHALL BE TO ME A SON?" Heb. 1:5

"Behold, what manner of love the Father has bestowed upon us, that we should be CALLED THE SONS OF GOD: therefore the world knows us not, because it knew Him not. Beloved, now are we the sons of God, and it does not yet appear what we shall be: but we know that, WHEN HE SHALL APPEAR, WE SHALL BE LIKE HIM; for we shall see Him as He is." I John 3:2

"For whom He did foreknow, He also did predestinate to be CONFORMED TO THE IMAGE OF HIS SON, that He might BE THE FIRSTBORN AMONG MANY BRETHREN." Romans 8:29

"For whosoever shall do the will of my Father which is in heaven, THE SAME IS MY BROTHER, AND SISTER AND MOTHER." Matthew 12:50

"JESUS SAYS unto her, Touch me not; for I am not yet ascended to my Father: but go to my brethren and say unto them, I ASCEND UNTO MY FATHER, AND YOUR FATHER; AND TO MY GOD, AND YOUR GOD." John 20:17

"Fear not, little flock, for IT IS YOUR FATHER'S GOOD PLEASURE TO GIVE YOU THE KINGDOM." Luke 12:32

"He that spared not his own Son, but delivered Him up for us all, HOW SHALL HE NOT WITH HIM ALSO FREELY GIVE US ALL THINGS?" Romans 8:32

"Blessed are the meek, FOR THEY SHALL INHERIT THE EARTH" Matthew ?

"And they sung a new song, saying, You are worthy to take the book, and to open the seals thereof: for you were slain and have redeemed us to God by your blood out of every kindred, and tongue and people, and nation; And HAVE MADE US UNTO OUR GOD KINGS AND PRIESTS: AND WE SHALL REIGN ON THE EARTH." Revelation 5:9-10

"It is a faithful saying: For if we be dead with him, we shall also live with Him: If we suffer, WE SHALL ALSO REIGN WITH HIM: if we deny Him, He also will deny us." II Timothyothy 2:11-12

"Blessed and holy is he that has part in the first resurrection: on such the second death has no power, but THEY SHALL BE PRIESTS OF GOD AND OF CHRIST, AND SHALL REIGN WITH HIM A THOUSAND YEARS." Revelation 20:6

"And there shall be no more curse: but the throne of God and of the Lamb shall be in it; and HIS SERVANTS SHALL SERVE HIM: And they shall see His face; and His name shall be in their foreheads. And there shall be no night there; and they need no candle, neither light of the sun; for the Lord God gives them light: AND THEY SHALL REIGN FOREVER AND EVER." Revelation 22:5

"And they shall reign forever and ever"—don't let anything keep you from such a glorious future!

***

## Do We HAVE to Keep God's Laws?

#### God's Law

My friend is not a bad person—far from it! He is a responsible citizen and tries to live a good life. The day he was driving his family on a trip through the countryside, he was his usual happy self and had no intention of causing anyone any harm at all. He didn't mean to go over the speed limit and he didn't mean to cause an accident when he passed the truck ahead of him. But by the time he realized his error, it was too late. The oncoming car careening around the corner smashed into his vehicle killing his wife and two children instantly. My friend survived with only cuts and bruises, sick to death that he had lived to plague himself with dark regrets and bitter 'if only's' for the rest of his life.

The natural law that says ' _any two vehicles colliding at high speeds will cause serious damage'_ just _didn't care_ that he'd driven so carefully so many times before and that he _usually_ obeyed the speed limits. The law of colliding object didn't give him the benefit of the doubt when he misjudged the road ahead that day even though he'd _almost always_ erred on the side of caution previously. His one mistake cost him very very dearly and my friend never quite recovered.

One thing is for sure—he knows why speed limits and road warnings are so valuable—every day, for every driver in every situation. He doesn't see them as restrictions on his fun or fuddy-duddy rules for the overly cautious. He knows with sickening certainty that had he obeyed the signs that day, his wife and children would still be here.

Of course not all man's laws are so good or helpful, but what about God's laws? God's laws involve far more than simply keeping our speed down and not driving over double-yellow lines. God's laws are spiritual. They are meant to be kept in our hearts as well as in our actions. And that is impossible for us mortal humans! Yet even though it is impossible for us to keep them perfectly, and God knows it, He still lets the consequences take their toll virtually every time.

It doesn't seem fair! First He sets up laws we can't keep, then allows the consequences to punish us when we can't! What gives?

One thing God wants us to know by this 'unfairness' is that we are completely helpless without Him. Were man able to keep God's laws in his heart perfectly—he would be God! But our very nature is ungodly and without God we would destroy ourselves _forever_. That is what God wants us to learn. Like children who try and try again to do some complicated task just like mommy and daddy do, God wants us to strive to be like Him, even though we fail miserably at times. When a child is older he will have the ability to do things like mom and dad. When we are given a new nature—a Godly nature—we will have the ability to do things as God does them. But we first must learn to _love_ God's ways—His laws—and to do that we must learn what are the consequences of _not_ keeping them! As God says in Deuteronomy 30:19 "I have set before you life and death, blessing and cursing: therefore choose life" Deuteronomy 30:19

Paul tells us: "The law is holy, and the commandment holy, and just, and good," Romans 7:12. David meditated on God's laws day and night and said, "Great peace have they that love thy law..." Psalm 119:165. Yet how can we have peace when the transgression of that law we're supposed to love is going to end in death!? "Sin is the transgression of the law." (I John 3:4) and "...the wages of sin is death" (Roman 6:23). It's impossible to keep God's laws perfectly and yet not being able to keep God's laws is the reason we will die! What a dilemma!

Most Christians understand that Christ had to die to take away the penalty for our sins that penalty being eternal death. And so the angel told Mary: "...you shall call his name JESUS: for he shall _save his people from their sins_ " (Matthew 1:21). But did Christ come only to save us from eternal death? If so, why didn't He just come down from heaven, get crucified and return in the same day? Why did he live as a human?

Of course there are many reasons but one was surely to show us how to live; how a life without sin is possible for God _even when He is in the flesh_. He knew from the previous four thousand years of man's history (and prior to that, Satan's) what sin causes. Sin ALWAYS, ALWAYS, ALWAYS leads to pain, destruction, sorrow, misery and death. But does it lead there because a harsh demanding God is watching our every move so He can 'punish' us for disobedience? One hundred percent, no! _The pain and sorrow that follows sin is the natural CONSEQUENCE, the end result, of going against immutable laws._ You may as well snub your nose at gravity! Like ALL of God's laws, gravity is not just a good idea. Gravity is in force ALL the time and it's a good thing! Nothing that was movable would remain on the earth if there was no gravity—life would be impossible. And like any law, if you break it, you will suffer. Fall from a high place, even accidentally, and, unless God intervenes, you will be badly hurt or dead. Gravity doesn't care that you 'didn't mean to do it,' or you were 'only trying to have fun'. And _none_ of God's laws care what your 'intentions' were or how old you are—the consequences are the same.

But did God reveal His laws just to be a thorn in our flesh? Oh, contraire! It was a kind and just God that showed us the way (His laws) that would bring peace and joy and happiness and well-being for everyone forevermore. Too bad man does not believe that! Too bad even some Christians do not believe that! For too long Christianity has been seen as a life of self-denial and hardship. And for centuries, poverty was exalted, and asceticism (denial of all pleasure) pursued as a more Godly way of life. Yet Christ said "I have come that they might have life more abundantly." John 10:10. And when he spoke of 'life,' he meant the here and now as well as the future.

That doesn't exactly match up with the idea many people have of Christianity, does it? Most seem to think that everything that's fun to do is a sin. But what 'fun' are they talking about?

Is it really still _fun_ when a teenager wakes up with an STD (sexually transmitted disease) from a one-night stand? Does a young unmarried girl really think it is still _fun_ when she finds herself pregnant? And how much _fun_ is it to find out your new baby has AIDS from some previous 'fun' you had as a teenager? How much real joy do you have when you've let anger get the best of you and you shoot and kill someone else's brother, husband or father? How much pleasure is it to live with the guilt of having stolen something that wasn't yours? How much true fun is perversion and drug addiction and alcoholism? What about all the extra fat we have to drag around with us when we've overindulged time and again—are we so happy about that?

No, God's laws are not to keep you from having fun—quite the absolute opposite! God's laws are the greatest blessing man could have—even if he isn't a Christian! God's laws are the only way to long-term joy and happiness for everyone. They are an insight into God's own character. He IS law. He cannot lie because He is not a liar. Lying is not IN Him. So when we are striving to keep God's laws we are striving to be LIKE Him! And that is our future—to be like Him.

As I John 3:2-3 says, "Beloved, now are we the sons of God, and it does not yet appear what we shall be: but we know that, when he shall appear, we shall be like him; for we shall see him as he is. And every man that has this hope in him purifies himself, even as he is pure."

On the other hand, the way of sin is one fleeting moment of pleasure that turns into long-term horror, pain, sorrow and regrets the next day and the next and possibly for the rest of your life.

You think God was unkind in showing us laws that are hard to keep? Is it unkind when a doctor reveals to you that the reason you're sick all the time is because you've been eating poison? Do you think the doctor should just give you something to make you feel better while you keep eating the poison that will inevitably kill you? God's laws reveal the sin that causes all pain and sorrow and death. We owe _everything_ to the knowledge of God's immutable laws—laws that show man the _only_ way to live abundantly—now in this life! As Paul said, he would not have known what was causing the pain had he not been given the law! Romans 7:7

So, to answer the question above: Do you HAVE to keep God's laws?

No, you are blessed beyond belief because you GET to keep them!

John 8:32 says, "And you shall know the truth, and the truth shall make you free." Free from what? Free from bringing more pain and sorrow and misery on yourself and everyone around you. You shouldn't try to keep God's laws just to build character or to somehow please God or justify your past sins. After all, no amount of righteousness can ever make up for your past unrighteousness! You should keep God's laws because _not_ keeping them is exactly why this world is in so much pain and sorrow.

A Christian who really wants to be happy and successful should be striving to keep God's laws as well as Christ did. After all, it is the Christian _himself_ who benefits the most. Or did you think that your keeping God's laws somehow _improves_ God's life?! It's like a child who complained to his mother about a teacher who was always getting at him to improve his grades. The mother replied, "How incredibly selfish of her to want _you_ to get better grades so _you_ can go to a better college and get a better job!"

Thank God that He sent His Son to pay the penalty for our broken, sinful lives and so that we could learn to live better, happier, more fulfilled lives. How? By keeping His wonderful laws—the laws of happiness, joy and peace forever.

Did Christ keep the laws FOR you? Certainly—to show you the best way to live! Now go and do likewise!

***

## Is God Unfair?

#### God's Plan

"For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways..." Isa 55:9 KJV

In the story of the exodus when Pharaoh's army is drowning in the Red Sea and the Israelites are rejoicing in song, the Jews add a fable of their own. In their version the angels in heaven joyfully join in the song with the victorious Israelites. But God is not happy with this and stops them saying, "The Israelites may rejoice in their deliverance but you must not for don't forget, Pharaoh and his army _are my children too_."

Although this is obviously an apocryphal story it illustrates the kind of love God has for all people. The Bible is full of 'good' guys and 'bad' guys. It's easy to condemn and send one to 'heaven' and the other to 'hell.' But thankfully, God does not judge as we judge, does not hate as we hate, nor does He rejoice when _any_ of His children are slain. The Bible tells us that God hardened Pharaoh's heart, again and again and again. (Exodus 7:13; 9:12; 10:1, 20, 27; 11:10; 14:8) But why? Why would God make _certain_ Pharaoh would not listen to Moses? Was Pharaoh, by himself, not wicked enough?

Exodus 10:1-2 gives us the answer: "And the Lord said unto Moses, Go in unto Pharaoh: for I have hardened his heart and the heart of his servants that I might show these my signs before him: And that you may tell in the ears of your son and of your son's son what things I have wrought in Egypt and my sign which I have done among them; that you may know how that I am the Lord." And again in Exodus 14:18 "And the Egyptians shall know that I am the Lord when I have gotten me honor upon Pharaoh, upon his chariots and upon his horsemen."

Pharaoh and his servants were _used_ by God to show His glory, both to the Israelites and the Egyptians.

But before you say God is unfair, let Romans 9:14-33 ask and answer your inevitable question, "What shall we say then? Is there unrighteousness with God? God forbid. For He says to Moses, I will have mercy on whom I will have mercy and I will have compassion on whom I will have compassion. So then it is not of him that wills nor of him that runs _but of God that shows mercy_. For the scripture says unto Pharaoh, _Even for this same purpose have I raised you up,_ _that I might show my power in you and that my name might be declared throughout all the earth_."

God is the potter and we are the clay. We don't always understand why He does what He does, why He chooses whom He will honor and whom He will dishonor. It is not for us to question. He loves _all_ His children and uses some to show the glory of God by their righteousness and others by their wickedness. As He Himself says, Romans 9:21 "Has not the potter power over the clay, of the same lump to make one vessel unto honor and another unto dishonor?"

But does that mean He loves those made unto dishonor less than those for honor? When He divorced Himself from His chosen people Israel, did He mean to leave them to rot in their sins forever?

Romans 11:25-26: "For I would not, brethren, that you should be ignorant of this mystery, lest you should be wise in your own conceits; that blindness in part is happened to Israel until the fullness of the Gentiles be come in. And so _all Israel_ _shall be saved:_ as it is written, There shall come out of Sion the Deliverer and shall turn away ungodliness from Jacob:"

The Apostle Paul is telling us that the Deliverer _shall_ come—future tense. This is obviously referring to Christ's second coming when He shall take away ungodliness from this world so that Israel can know the Lord and be saved! And remember, by the time the 'fullness of the Gentiles' has come, the majority of Israelites will have died! Yet they are still going to be saved!

The Bible refers to those who are called and chosen of God as 'Firstfruits'—the saints who will join Christ at His return. (James 1:18; Revelation 14:4) But Firstfruits, by definition, is just a beginning, the _first_ of the harvest. Firstfruits have always meant just the small early-ripened crop that was a herald to the later harvest of the bulk of the crops. Notice that true Christians today are not called the "Only fruits" but merely "Firstfruits"—the first of the harvest. And if Jesus tells us that: "No man can come to me unless the Father which has sent me, draw him" (John 6:44), then God _must_ be choosing who will be the firstfruits at Christ's return. Remember: 'It is not of him that wills nor of him that runs _but of God that shows mercy.'_

And, contrary to popular opinion, Jesus himself did _not_ try to 'get people saved' when he had a chance here on earth. Look at Mark 4:10-12:

"And when he was alone, they that were about him with the twelve asked of him the parable. And he said unto them, Unto you it is given to know the mystery of the kingdom of God; but unto them that are without, all these things are done in parables; That seeing they may see and not perceive; and hearing they may hear and not understand; lest at any time they should be converted and their sins should be forgiven them."

Why didn't Christ _want_ people to be converted?! Why did He not want their sins to be _forgiven_ them?!

Obviously God, His Father, was not 'drawing' them at that time. They were not called to be given a chance to be one of the Firstfruits.

Even in His dying moments, Christ acknowledged the blindness of the very people He had been amongst. He said, "Father, forgive them for they know not what they do." But _why didn't they know_!? The very God of the universe was there preaching, teaching, healing, and performing fantastic miracles. How could they not have known who He was and what He was doing there? Was Christ not capable of taking the blindness away and making them see at that time? Of course He was! But in the Gospels again and again Christ told those who knew Him _not_ to reveal Him. (Mark 1:43-45; Mark 2:1-2) And in Mark 4:33-34 we are told: "And with many such parables spake he the word unto them, (the multitude, vs.1) as they were able to hear it. But without a parable spake he not unto them; and when they were alone, he expounded all things to his disciples." (See also Matthew 13:11-15, 34).

Why did Christ tell the crowds nice little stories and explain the full meaning _only_ to his disciples? Because the simple truth is He had not come to try to save as many people as possible before he died! He did not come to remove the hardness and blindness from this world. Isn't that obvious? _Because if his purpose was to convert the multitudes, He sure was ineffective, wasn't He?!_ Of the thousands He preached to and healed, only 120 were together on the Day of Pentecost to receive the Holy Spirit!

So are those not chosen now, lost forever? Obviously not! _First_ fruits indicates there are _second_ fruits; a _first_ resurrection implies there is a _second_ resurrection (See Revelation 20:5-6). Otherwise why use those terms? Being 'first' in the resurrection with Christ is pretty strong proof that salvation does not end at Christ's coming. The Bible clearly indicates that Pharaoh, Nazis, terrorists, children, babies, and all those who have never even heard of the name of Christ, will be resurrected! Revelation 20 speaks of that enormous second resurrection—when ALL peoples will be made to live again—the huge harvest after the firstfruits! Then 'ungodliness' and 'blindness' will be removed from their eyes and Christ, along with the already transformed Firstfruits, will no more speak in parables but will make the truth plain.

The Bible does not tell us exactly how this other 'crop' will be harvested, it only tells us that God loves ALL his children and that Christ came to die for ALL mankind and that He is not willing that ANY should perish! (II Peter 3:9). There is the hope for all who have died without knowing or accepting Christ. They are NOT lost forever, for sure!

Is God unfair? When Pharaoh, his army, the Israelites and the billions of others are resurrected and given a chance to live eternally in perfect bliss with the God of this universe, you can ask them!

***

## How Could Christ Not Sin?

#### Becoming More Like Christ

I'd like to think that just once I could go a whole day without sinning. I doubt it, but let's just say it's possible. Ok, if I could do it for one entire day, maybe I could do it for two. But for a week, or a year? Get real! Yet Christ did it for thirty-three years! Pretty amazing since he was 'tempted in all things like as we are' (Heb. 4:15). He was a man, a human being with temptations all around and He had Satan working on him overtime. Still, He _never_ sinned; not even once! No lies, no coveting, no envy, lust or greed. He never overate, got drunk, or ever even wanted to take something that wasn't his.

How could He do it?

Well, first of all, He knew all of man's sordid history. He'd seen what sin had done, first with the fallen angels, then with man. War, hate, murder, pain, sorrow, guilt, sickness, death, depression, pollution, ad nauseum, are written in man's sick history over and over.

Christ _hated_ sin—with a passion! Sin was as abhorrent to him as a plate of food doused with cyanide would be to us. He saw right through its tantalizing moment of pleasure into the cesspool of death where it would lead. Not that He didn't take precautions! He was in constant contact with His Father and His forty day and night fast was a pretty solid reinforcement for His determination!

But, secondly, He'd also _lived_ with God the Father for eternity and had experienced complete happiness, joy and peace. And He knew that if He failed, not only He, but all mankind—all God's beloved children—would die forever and never know that wonderful joy! And above all things, he loves His Father and His children.

Most married people who have a loving relationship with their spouse and a family relationship that has taken years to build can easily withstand the temptation to cheat on their spouses. Why? Because what they have at home is so precious that to even toy with something that could destroy it is unthinkable.

What Christ left to become human was so far beyond any kind of fleeting earthly pleasure from sin that He could resist all temptations. Only God Himself could have done what Christ did. The responsibility and the pressure to keep Himself pure could only be done by one totally filled with God's Spirit and Wisdom, with total understanding of just where sin leads, a longing to be back in the bosom of His 'family', and an overwhelming love for God's children.

That's why the Father sent...His only Son.

***

## What About Judas?

#### Judging

Judas Iscariot—a name synonymous with greed and betrayal—is surely one of the most infamous and enigmatic men in history. Have you ever wondered how he could even have _considered_ betraying the very Son of God, _especially_ when he was one of His own, specially chosen, beloved disciples?! And why did Christ choose someone He _knew_ would betray Him? [John 6:64] Equally as puzzling is why the entire betrayal, amount of money paid and even Judas' burial in Potter's Field were prophesied and therefore bound to happen! [Matthew 27:9] Why didn't God just use the envious and self-righteous Pharisees or Sadducees to do the dirty deed from start to finish?

While Scripture does not answer all these questions, there are some clues that might help shed light on the perplexing story of Judas' betrayal.

First of all, _all_ the disciples had thought (as the Jews do to this day) that when the Messiah came it would be to rule the world then and there. All Christ's disciples fully expected Him to roust the Roman government and take over the whole world _during their lifetime_ [Luke 24:21]. They never believed for a moment that He would die—no matter how Christ tried to tell them. They knew the scriptures foretold a Messiah who would bring peace to the world and Christ fulfilled all they had been waiting for. Because they did not have the Holy Spirit, and because their eyes had not yet been opened, they could not understand the other prophecies that foretold Christ's sacrifice and suffering. (The Jews to this day do not understand what the temple sacrificial offerings foreshadowed. The tearing of the veil in the Holy of Holies at Christ's death and the destruction of the Temple has no real significance to them. They are poised and ready to begin the very same ancient animal sacrifices as soon as the Temple can be rebuilt!)

The Jews at the time of Christ had only the Old Testament and the Jews of today do not accept the New Testament. Yet it's the New Testament writers and Christ Himself who showed us how the otherwise obscure prophecies from the Old Testament applied to Christ.

The disciples, and apparently Judas Iscariot as well, believed that Christ was the Messiah. Because Judas had seen the miracles and had seen him escape the hands of the Pharisees time and again, he could easily have believed that, even though he would show them just where and who Christ was, Christ would _again_ escape or do something miraculous in front of the Pharisees. It's also quite possible that since the prophecies were clear (as far as he could see) that the Messiah would subdue _all_ nations, Judas thought he was actually being used by God to fulfill prophecy. Little did he know! Perhaps he was motivated even further in thinking he might be in some high role next to Him when Christ took over.

When at supper Christ said to him privately, "What you are about to do, do quickly" [John 13:27 NIV] perhaps Judas thought Christ was actually giving him the go ahead. He'd heard Christ say that His purpose was about to be fulfilled. Thinking that purpose was to take over the entire world, Judas might have supposed Christ would welcome an opportunity to show the Jewish leaders His Messiahship by either miraculously escaping once again or supernaturally taking over. And perhaps Judas justified getting money in such a despicable way because he didn't think anyone would actually get hurt and he believed the office of the Pharisees was where Christ ought to be—so it was all Christ's money anyway.

Although his justifications were far from pure, when Judas saw that Christ was not going to escape but was going to let the Pharisees have their way—even if he assumed that Christ was not after all the Messiah—still he knew he had betrayed an innocent and good man. The Pharisees had a good deal of power in the land and, for the most part, had been allowed to deal with their people as they wished. Many empires have benefited from the stern hand of religion to keep control of a conquered people and the Pharisees made life a great deal easier for the Roman potentates. It is clear that it was mostly the fear of Christ disrupting their political power that was the basis of their hate! If He got religious control of the city or nation, the people wouldn't listen to the Pharisees any longer and the Romans would find them impotent and take away their rulership and rights.

Judas was certainly aware of how powerful the Pharisees were and as he watched events unfold, the sickening realization that his betrayal meant Christ's certain death must quickly have hit him. Perhaps at that very moment the memory came flooding back of the _kind_ of death Christ had told them He would suffer. The knowledge of having betrayed a good and innocent man to such a death—a man he undoubtedly admired even if He wasn't the promised Messiah—was more than he could stand. He threw the money down at the Pharisees' feet and hanged himself in loathing and guilt.

Is Judas lost for all eternity? Although Christ said it would be better for him had he never been born, was what he did any worse than what the Pharisees or the Romans did to Christ? He hadn't been given God's Holy Spirit yet and though he was filled with greed and avarice, the Bible states clearly that it was Satan's influence that caused him to go the last mile. [John 13:27]

The other disciples were not exactly shining examples of faith and loyalty either! Not only did they _all_ desert Christ after His arrest, but upon His death they lost hope and huddled together in fear and unbelief. [John 29:19] They bought and prepared the burial ointments _without even waiting_ to see if He would rise the third day! The two women who went to the tomb arrived after the three days were up with _no expectation_ of finding Christ risen—they'd come to embalm the body! And two of the disciples even told the resurrected Christ—whom they did not recognize yet—that to them He was just a _prophet_ whom they had once believed would have redeemed Israel. [Luke 24:19-21] Yet prior to His death they had told Him many times that they believed Him to be the Christ, the very Son of God! [Matthew 16:16, Mark 8:29, Luke 9:20, John 6:69, etc]

It is easy to feel superior to Judas. Most of us probably think we would have been more like one of the other eleven disciples and would _never_ have betrayed an innocent man for money. And maybe that is so. But was betraying Christ that much worse than _denying_ Him? Peter even _swore_ to make his denial more weighty. And didn't Christ say that "Whosoever shall deny me before men, him will I also deny before my Father which is in heaven."? [Matthew 10:33] Not only did the disciples deny Him but _none_ of the disciples believed Him. Not a single one was expecting Him to be resurrected and Thomas didn't even trust the other disciple's eye-witness reports when He was!

Without God's Holy Spirit, we all have the same brand of humanity that creates self-righteous Pharisees, cruel Roman soldiers and disciples that betray or run in the face of danger. We all have denied and betrayed Christ every time we've sinned. It is just as much our sins that put Christ to death as it was Judas'.

Judas is just another flawed human who allowed Satan to influence him. (All those who have never allowed the god of this world to be an influence on them, raise your hand.) The disciples, the Pharisees, the Romans and their soldiers are only humans like us. Had we been born with Judas' personality and raised as he was in that time we could easily have done as he did. Had we been born to be a Pharisee or Jew in the time of Christ we could have easily been one of those demanding His crucifixion. And had we been born a soldier in the Roman army, we too might have thrust a spear in the side of the very Son of God! We would NOT have done any better than they did for, without God's Holy Spirit, we are nothing, we know nothing!

When Judas is resurrected and his mind is opened to understand, will he turn his back on the forgiveness of Christ and the gift of the Holy Spirit? After all, didn't Christ's forgiveness on the cross for those who crucified Him _include Judas_? [Luke 23:34]

Virtually all aspects of man's sinful nature can be seen in all those that interacted with Christ. From the rabble that cried for His crucifixion to those that tortured, betrayed, disbelieved, mocked or deserted Him, humanity is shown up to have the most vile, base and weak nature possible. Neither healing the sick, silencing the wind and sea, feeding the multitudes, raising the dead nor any other incredible miracle the disciples witnessed _first-hand_ was enough to keep them from betraying, deserting and disbelieving the very Son of God.

It is ONLY by the grace of God that we are given His Holy Spirit to understand and accept Christ as our Lord. It is a _gift_ and none of us deserves it.

***

## Many Called but Few Chosen?

#### Seeking God's Will

Billy Graham, one of the greatest orators of our time, has preached the Gospel before millions of people, and millions have 'come to the altar' to accept the calling of the Lord. Other preachers have had similar responses.

But after that initial reaction by these first-time Christians, then what? Do they all start going to their local churches, praying, studying, giving to the poor, visiting the sick, changing their lives? I don't know, but I do know that human nature and Satan's influence are strong and even after a very emotional experience a person can easily neglect to follow up on his promises. But when someone is 'brought to the altar,' as is commonly done by many churches, that is only the beginning.

Christ's parable of the sower and the seeds (Matthew 13:3-23) illustrates exactly what happens when the Gospel is preached. There are four possible outcomes:

Some hear and don't understand—The seed that fell by the wayside. These are those that hear, but Satan snatches the truth from them because their hearts aren't ready to hear and they see no need to 'get saved'.

Some accept the truth but give it up when things become difficult—The seed that fell into stony places. These hear the word with joy but the first time the truth conflicts with something in their lives, they turn away.

Some hear the word but, by neglect, let it go—The seed that falls among thorns. These hear the word and like it but find that 'things' get in the way of really living it—things like success, riches, following their earthly dreams.

Some hear the word and love it and bear fruit because of it—The seed that fell on good ground. These are they which embrace Christianity and try to live as Christ lived, bearing fruit 'some an hundredfold, some sixty, some thirty'. These are the Chosen that await Christ's return eagerly.

It's absolutely true that Christ accepts me "Just as I am **" ----** _BUT HE DOESN'T EXPECT ME TO STAY THAT WAY!_ Nothing the Bible says is flippant. So when God tells you to: 'Work out your own salvation with fear and trembling,' He means it! Otherwise why wouldn't we be whisked off to be with the Lord immediately after our conversion?

We're still here because we have WORK to do! To be chosen, we must be overcoming, watching, and 'doing' when He returns. To be a light to this world we have to learn how to be like Christ. Remember **:** _"Not everyone that says unto me, Lord, Lord shall enter into the kingdom of heaven, but he that does the will of my Father which is in heaven." (Matthew 7:21)_

Hearing is not enough. We need to find out what His 'Will' is!

***

## Is Your Minister Responsible for Your Salvation?

#### Work Out Your Own Salvation

Paul told us all to 'work out your own salvation with fear and trembling.' (Philippians 2:12-13) So do we really need an organization or ministers over us if our salvation is up to us? Paul thought so for he also said, 'Obey those that have the rule over you in the Church.' (Heb 13:17)

We are told to 'obey God rather than man' and yet we're also told that the ministers are our shepherds and look out for our salvation. Is this contrary advice?

To understand the Church, we must first understand the 'family', for the Church, we are told, is a family! Peter makes it clear that in a human family, the man is the head and the wife and children are to be subject to him. (I Pet 3) However, just as in every aspect of their lives, no wife or child should ever obey the leader of the family if he asks them to disobey God. The way that a subordinate in a family determines how they obey God versus how they obey the God-ordained family leader, is pretty much the same way as in the Church.

Any man who does not himself obey God cannot have a happy family. Just so, the organization of the Body of Christ—the Church—must first obey God in order to have a happy _Church family_. Not only that, but the leaders of the Church—just like the leaders of the human family—must consider themselves _servants!_ Christ Himself said He came, not to be served, but to serve. And, similarly, the organization of the Church exists to _serve_ , not _be_ served!

But what does this all mean?

In order to have unity, we must have government. A person, or a group of people, must make decisions about how the Church (the family of God) is to be run—how the money is to be spent, where we are to congregate, how we are to fulfill our mission, how we are to handle disputes, etc. If every individual in the Church made their own decision in these matters we would have no organization at all! But no one has ever been given the authority to tell you _how to obey God_ , except Christ.

The Church is composed of two very separate parts—public and private. What goes on in public—how Church money is spent, where we meet for Church, how services are run, what media we use for getting the Gospel out, etc.—is solely the organization's responsibility. Whether we sing four songs instead of three or have services in the morning instead of the afternoon or whether we spend tithes on TV and magazines rather than radio and campaigns, is not any _individual's_ decision. Of course, just like in any family, members are allowed to give input on these matters, but, in the end, the decisions _must_ be made by the leaders of the Church or we would get nowhere. And, once a decision has been made it is up to all members to support it, just like in a family.

However, it is not for a minister of God to tell a member how they are to live their _private_ lives except by preaching, their example, and exhorting us to live by every word of God! The _interpretation_ of Godly principles and the enforcing of those principles must be left to the individual, _except_ where such matters affect other members or the whole Church.

For instance, a person might feel it is Biblical to speak out during sermons in order to highlight what the minister is saying. He might think by saying "Hallelujah" or "Amen" at the conclusion of some very important point, that he is supporting what the minister is saying and helping other Church people to get its import. However, the members may instead be distracted by it and/or the minister may lose his train of thought and find these commendations more unproductive than helpful or supportive. While the member has every right to approach God and His Word in whatever way he sees fit, he must abide by the rules set down by his Pastor for the unity and peace of the Church as a congregation.

On the other hand a minister may tell a member they may not purchase anything on the Sabbath because that would be breaking the fourth commandment. Most Brethren would agree that a prolonged shopping trip would not fit in with the spirit of keeping the Sabbath day holy. But a quick trip to get forgotten milk or bread might be seen in quite another light. Dictating exactly how to _live_ God's laws is not a minister's—or any mans'—prerogative. God's Word has few details about how to keep His laws. Principles are given and expounded on, but that is all. It is up to each person to 'work out his own salvation with fear and trembling,' and the ministry cannot lay down dos and don'ts on how to be righteous.

Just as each member cannot try to run the organization himself, so the ministry cannot dictate how a member should live. Righteousness cannot be legislated.

***

## Was Christ Resurrected on Sunday?

#### Resurrection

John 20:1 Now on the first day of the week Mary Magdalene went to the tomb early, while it was still dark, and saw that the stone had been taken away from the tomb..

Mark 16:2-6 And very early in the morning the first day of the week, they came unto the sepulcher at the rising of the sun. Vs. 4 And when they looked, they saw that the stone was rolled away: for it was very great. And entering into the sepulcher, they saw a young man sitting on the right side, clothed in a long white garment; and they were affrighted. And he saith unto them, Be not affrighted: Ye seek Jesus of Nazareth, which was crucified: he is risen; he is not here: behold the place where they laid him.

The women who arrived at the tomb EARLY on Sunday morning found he was already gone! It was "YET DARK" when they arrived and Christ was gone.

Christ Himself said that He would be in the grave three days and three nights—the ONLY sign He would give them! (Matthew 12:40) Yet most Christians seem to think Christ was killed on Friday and resurrected on Sunday. Let's do the math! No matter how you slice it, you can't get three days and three nights in that amount of time. If some hotel were to offer a three night special from Friday night to Sunday morning, would you go for it? It's clear from the scriptures that Christ was _already resurrected_ by the time the women got to the tomb before the sun had risen on the first day! Yet even if He had risen on that Sunday, it still wouldn't be three days and three nights from Friday.

So when did Christ rise from the dead? Clearly, for His own prophecy to be perfectly fulfilled, _it would have to be at the exact same time as he was put IN the tomb_. And we can get pretty close to that time because we know exactly when He died!

The Wycliffe Commentary on the Bible says: _"Jesus was placed upon the cross at 9 A.M. ("third hour," Mark 15:25). After three hours had passed, a supernatural darkness enveloped all the land from the sixth to_ _the ninth hour_ _(noon to 3 P. M.)._ " It is at that point that Christ died. Luke 23:44-46 "And it was about the sixth hour, and there was a darkness over all the earth until the ninth hour...And when Jesus had cried with a loud voice, he said, 'Father, into thy hands I commend my spirit,' and having said thus, he gave up the ghost."

Christ died about 3 PM and was buried shortly thereafter. He thus had to be risen three days later just after 3PM but before sundown. There is _no way_ He could have arisen early on Sunday morning—or _any_ morning—if He was going to fulfill the prophecy of the three days and three nights in the earth. Christ _had_ to have been resurrected just before sundown on Saturday for that is the time He was put in the tomb! (The time must be counted not from His death but from His burial)

The Bible is clear that the Jews wanted things finished by sundown because of a Sabbath approaching. John 19:31 "The Jews therefore, because it was the preparation, that the bodies _should not remain upon the cross on the Sabbath day, (for that Sabbath day was an high day_ _,)_ besought Pilate that their legs might be broken, and that they might be taken away."

The Bible says that Sabbath was a High Day! And what was that High Day? Jamieson, Fausset, and Brown Commentary says, _" (For that Sabbath day was an high day)], [megalee (grk 3173)]-- or `a great day; ' as being the first Sabbath of the Feast of Unleavened Bread, the most sacred season of the whole Jewish ecclesiastical year. This made those hypocrites the more afraid lest the Sabbath hour should arrive before the bodies were removed_."

This is not a traditional Saturday Sabbath—this is the First Day of Unleavened Bread. Christ died on the Passover day, the day _before_ the Days of Unleavened Bread—the day the Israelites celebrated their coming out of Egypt—a type of sin. (See Lev 23:5-8)

Working backwards from the time the women found the tomb empty, we find that Christ could not have been resurrected any later than Saturday. Therefore, three days and three nights before that time would be Wednesday when Christ was crucified. Tuesday night would have been the beginning of Passover, Wednesday at sunset would have been the beginning of the First Day of Unleavened Bread (a Holy Day), Friday would have been the preparation for the weekly Sabbath and Christ would have been resurrected _exactly_ three days and three nights from the time He was put in the tomb—late on Saturday! When the women came to the tomb, He was _already risen_!

The resurrection was _not_ on Sunday—it was just before sundown on God's Sabbath—Saturday! Otherwise Christ's own prophecy was not fulfilled!

***

## Why Did Little Jeffrey Have to Die?

#### Trials

I watched 2-year old Jeffrey as he lay gasping for every breath. His little chest heaved painfully and his thin body trembled. Every few hours since the day of his birth, his despairing parents had put him on the slanted board he now lay on and gently pounded his little back to help drain the fluid out of his inefficient lungs.

Jeffrey had cystic fibrosis, and was typically malnourished and susceptible to every germ around. To top it off, his own body was threatening to drown him daily. He went in and out of hospital constantly, fighting colds and pneumonia—an ever-present danger for those with cystic fibrosis. And all the while, the church and his parents and I desperately prayed for a miracle.

But the miracle didn't come and three years into his sad little life, Jeffrey died. I broke down as I watched his doll-like coffin being carried to the front of the funeral parlor, my grief uniting with two hundred other sorrowing hearts. The mother's shoulders shook with heart-rending sobs all the way through the service. She never noticed the dozens of beautiful wreaths and bouquets; she only wanted her son back.

After the funeral, she and her husband were inconsolable. They visited Jeffrey's grave every day for months, crying bitterly and raging at God for not healing their little boy. Then they finally left the church.

If anyone deserved to live, it was Jeffrey. He was so innocent, so precious, so vulnerable. Yet God did not seem to intervene in any way. At that time, I did not understand. And though I believe I do now, the pain is still there. The explanation of why God allows such suffering won't alleviate the pain, but hopefully it will help people stop blaming God.

Because the simple answer to our suffering is _us_. And 'we' all started with Adam, mankind's forefather. Had Adam never rebelled against God, he would even now be living free of pain, suffering, and even death. That doesn't mean you or I would be there with him, for we would have been (are) required to choose, just as Adam did. And, believe me, we'd all have made (did make) exactly the same choice! He was merely the first in a very long line of all humans who have chosen to decide right and wrong for themselves. And we haven't got a clue when it comes to those decisions! If we did, we wouldn't be suffering!

It is because man must learn that he will _never_ find the right way without divine help from God, that God must let us suffer! Not because our Father is vindictive or harsh—but because He loves us! It may be hard to see it as love but that's because we are puny and as immature as babies compared to Him, and we also can't see the huge eternal picture.

However, there are some unmistakable parallels in each and every human family that should help us understand.

If you are a parent, you've probably watched your precious child as he conquered some new challenge. It could be learning to walk, ride a bike, drive a car or a thousand other things. It's a little painful watching a beloved child practice because you know he's going to make mistakes and may hurt or even kill himself. But if you try to stop him from _ever_ suffering, he will never learn to do anything and he'll never mature! God is our parent, our Father. He too watches us make our mistakes and, like any parent, He knows that if He constantly intervenes, we will never learn.

And what does He want us to learn? First and foremost that His way is the only way to happiness, peace and love. Mankind has been given the chance to prove once and for all that he does not have it within himself to guide his own footsteps and that sin and rebellion only lead to death. (Proverbs 14:12 There is a way which seemeth right unto a man, but the end thereof are the ways of death. (KJV)

Ever known a teenager who thinks he knows better than his parents? Whooee, he can sure be a trial, can't he? He does everything he can in order to have his own way, including being devious, deceitful and rebellious. (Does that sound at all like the way man has treated God!?) He's sure mom and pop are just trying to stop him having fun when they tell him to avoid drugs and alcohol and sex. Heck, he can see that such things are _loads_ of fun! (Again, any chance you're noticing some similarities with rebellious man to his Maker!?) So he tries the things mom and dad don't want him to and, if he's lucky, he'll only end up with a fine, a wrecked car, or rehabilitation; not a murder sentence, an unwanted baby, AIDS or death from an overdose. That _fun_ he thought they were trying to keep him from, won't seem like so much fun in the face of such consequences.

In the same manner, mankind _must_ learn that any way other than God the Father's way leads to pain and misery and death. Oh, Satan's way _looks_ inviting, just as the fruit on the Tree of the Knowledge of Good and Evil looked tempting. But Satan doesn't want you to think about the consequences—the end result of your rebellion. That's why he told Eve, "You won't surely die." He conveniently _forgot_ to add, "...At least not immediately!" And mankind has swallowed such lies ever since. Man thinks he can solve all his ills—ills that he, himself has created!

Certainly man _can_ build and plan and dream and create wonderful things. And that's not surprising—after all, he was created in God's image! But with all his talent and ability, he has more life-threatening problems now than Adam could ever have imagined—war, disease, starvation, terrorism, perversion, crime, prejudice, pollution, ignorance, etc. etc. And man can't solve even _one_ of them! The trouble is, he _thinks_ he can! Man is sure he doesn't need help from his parent/creator—he'd 'rather do it himself', thank you very much! Indeed, the Bible reveals that when Christ returns, the armies will turn and fight against Him! (Revelation 19:19)

What is God, as a loving parent, to do? ALL of His children have sinned and continually sin against Him, even those who have asked forgiveness! To be human is to sin, rebel, and hate. To be human is to kill, destroy and devour. The result of all sin is pain, misery and death.

And that is what God wants us to learn. Sin is evil and God is good. _He wants desperately to save the world from the consequences of its sins,_ _but not until we have learned for all time that sin leads only to pain_ _._ So even the 'righteous' cannot be bailed out of all the consequences of sin, even if those consequences weren't theirs to begin with. We ALL must learn that mistakes affect the good, the bad and the innocent. After all, was it Jeffrey's sin that caused him to die prematurely? Or his parents? Of course it was neither!

God hurts when we hurt and, like any loving parent, He would _love_ to stop all our pains. But if He did, how would we learn that, because of our rebellion against God's perfect ways, every generation has become more degenerate, more wicked, more violent? Even our health and the health of the generations after us are affected by our bad decisions—hence the suffering of little Jeffrey's and millions of other innocent children like him.

Incorrect choices of what is right and wrong results in sin, and sin _always_ results in pain—for us, for our children, for our grandchildren and throughout all our generations.

Jesus Christ is coming back to earth to save mankind from—himself! Left to ourselves we would _certainly_ destroy all human life (Matthew 24:22). And how are we destroying ourselves? As the direct result of our sins. And Satan, that great deceiver, is constantly and gleefully helping man towards that purpose. He is called the god of this world (II Corinthians 4:4), and our Father has let him rule for now to show mankind just where utter rebellion leads.

If mankind weren't able to BE tempted, Satan would have no power. But God is allowing Satan to tempt man to show him how easily he is swayed by deceit and cunning—just as a teenager lets his peers talk him into something his parents have expressly forbidden. We are easily tempted, not just by our own lusts, but by the wiles of Satan the devil.

Satan personifies evil, and when mankind finally realizes all he is responsible for, they will gladly help Christ eradicate the sin Satan promotes and seal the door to the bottomless pit he is to inhabit for eternity (Revelation 20:1-3). Having seen and felt firsthand the results of breaking God's Laws, man will never ever again think for one microsecond that evil, rebellion, lust, envy, hatred, greed or any other wicked thing, leads to anything but pain, sorrow and death.

There will never be an atom's chance that any converted human, once transformed to be like Christ, will _ever_ rebel as Satan did. (One devil is enough for eternity!) They will know and know that they know, exactly how terrible sin is because the consequences are being written in tears and blood and suffering throughout all the centuries of man's existence _now_!

When mankind's time is up—just before he completely destroys himself and his planet (Matthew 24:22)—a new world, the Kingdom of God, will be established and little Jeffrey, and all other innocents who have suffered the sins of mankind, will be made whole.

"And God shall wipe away all tears from their eyes; and there shall be no more death, neither sorrow nor crying, neither shall there be any more pain: for the former things are passed away." Revelation 21:4

Like all little children who didn't have a chance, little Jeffrey did not die in vain. He _will_ live again!

***

## A Day Off for Good Behavior?

#### The Fourth Commandment

The lightning strikes, electrical currents flash through the creature and Voila! you are alive—the monster creation of some great scientist. One moment you were worthless pieces of junk, the next a living breathing being! But your delight at having life is short-lived for your master tells you that you were created to work! As you listen to the long list of duties he has for you, your heart sinks, for there is so much you want to know and obviously no time to explore. Is it just going to be one long cycle of never-ending drudgery?

But wait! The master isn't finished. Unbelievably he is telling you that once a week you are to devote yourself to relaxation, exploring and conversing with him—the one that created you. No, it is not negotiable. (Oh, yeah, like you'd want to _work_ or something! I'm so sure!) No, the "R _est"_ is _commanded_! Ha ha ha, COMMANDED! "You mean," you ask him, "I _must_ rest and spend time with you and get answers to my questions, and I _have_ to do this every seventh day?!"

You sign quickly on the dotted line before he can change his mind. You're not going to miss out on this! After all, you could be making money for him or cleaning his house or ironing his clothes.

So from that time on you take the last day of each week to rest and talk to your Creator and, as you spend time with him and learn about his plans for you, you can't help but love him. You let him know that, if need be, you will put aside your day of rest you love so much if he, or anyone else that you know, gets in a bind. But, although he appreciates your willingness, for the most part, he really wants each seventh day to be your day off. Isn't he just the best!?

One of the great things about the seventh-day Sabbath is that you don't need to feel a bit guilty about taking it off. Oh sure, you could use this day to wash the car, mow the lawn, do the shopping and cleaning, but you have official word from the highest authority that taking this day off is the best use you could possibly make of it. An oasis from the hustle and bustle of everyday life that you can really look forward to each week!

The Hebrew word in Strong's Concordance, Shabat, #7673 (from which comes the word, Sabbath), means, "To rest, cease." This word occurs about 200 times throughout the Old Testament.

In the New Testament the Greek word in Strong's Concordance, Sabbaton, #4521, (derived from the Hebrew Shabat) means the Sabbath, a day of weekly repose from secular avocations. It's the day Christ went to the Synagogue 'as His custom was.' And, by resting on the seventh day, God made it a Sabbath (a Shabat)—a day of ceasing.

You'll find the Sabbath first mentioned in the beginning, just after man was created. Gen. 2:2-3 states: "And on the seventh day God ended his work which he had made; and he _rested_ on the seventh day from all his work which he had made. And God blessed the seventh day, and sanctified it: because that in it he had _rested_ from all his work which God created and made." (Emphasis mine.)

Did God _need_ to rest? I mean, was he tired? Of course not. I don't know what God did or does on the Sabbath but if our Creator decided to rest, to cease from His work, how much more do we need to? Because we HAVE to? No, because we GET to—it's a gift! God started the Sabbath. He commanded it. He sanctified it (set it apart). For Him? No, it was all done for US! Remember what Christ said to the Pharisees who were burdening the Sabbath with impossible rules: _Man was not made for the Sabbath, but_ _the Sabbath was made for man_ _._ (Mark 2:27) God gave us a day of rest for a blessing, for rejuvenation, for time to ponder life's mysteries and get back to what is really important.

You think your job is more important? How about washing the car or weeding the lawn? Which of the things that you do on the day God sanctified will be there _for all eternity_? Which of them will you take with you when you die? God said he gave man six days to do all his labor—He knew we'd have plenty to do just to survive. But none of those things is nearly as important as getting to know Him, getting to know what His plan for us is, getting closer to Him and His people and 'working out our own salvation with fear and trembling' (Phil. 2:12). We're talking of eternity here, ETERNITY! Don't you think a day a week is worth giving up (enjoying, rather!) for ETERNITY?

Will you get to eternity if you refuse to take one day a week for spiritual rejuvenation? I don't know, I'm only following my Creator's lead as set at the creation of the world. He gave me a day off to spend with Him and I'm enjoying it. Why would anyone refuse such a fabulous GIFT?!

***

##

## The Wedding Invitation

#### Story of Grace

Once upon a time there was a king. He loved his subjects so much that he decided to have them share in the joy of the wedding of his son. So he sent out hand-written invitations to the wedding feast. But his subjects were busy folks who had fields to plow and animals to tend to. They told the king's messengers that they had better things to do than attend wasteful wedding parties.

The king was distraught and sent his servants out to them again to tell those invited of the wonderful feast that was in store for them—a gift of staggering proportions. The people listened with scorn then went away to their farms and shops. And the few that stayed behind started pushing the king's servants around. In fact, things got so rough that the servants were killed.

The king was furious and sent his army and destroyed every city that had been invited. Then he told his servants, "Those wretched peasants weren't worthy of my invitation. Go find others, anyone, and tell them to come. I will fill my house with the stranger and the maimed and the wicked and anyone else you can find."

So the servants went out into the highways and byways and stopped every passerby they found. Some were good and some were bad, some were rich and some were poor, but all were invited. And they came with joy and delight that they should be included in so grand an occasion.

But at the wedding, when the king came in to see his guests, he saw one that had not prepared himself for the event. The king asked him why he would come to a royal wedding without changing his clothes, without cleaning himself up and putting on his best. And the man was speechless. So the king called the guards and had the man thrown out into the black night, banished forever from his kingdom.

For most people, being invited to a royal event would be an honor. Most would purchase a new suit, take time to bathe and groom in a manner that would befit the occasion and make sure they knew protocol in the royal house. No one would expect to be allowed entrance to a royal wedding if they were disheveled, poorly groomed and in their dirty work clothes.

We have been invited to a marriage feast unlike any feast that has ever been—the marriage of the Lamb to his bride, the church. We did nothing to be worthy of that invitation—it is solely because of the King's love and grace. _But_ we can be unworthy if we think we'll come just as we are! (However, it is not for _us_ to determine if someone else is unworthy—only the _King_ can know that.) There is work to do—new attitudes to wear, dirty sins to discard, living up to the protocols (rules, commands, rituals) of the royal household.

Although His invitation is undeserved, our acceptance means we must make ourselves worthy! And although it is true that God invites you into His Kingdom 'just as you are'—like those from the highways and byways—He doesn't expect you to _stay_ that way! We must put on the 'wedding garments' suitable for the marriage of the Son of the King of the Universe, or the invitation will be revoked! And God's Word spells out just what that 'wedding garment' must look like. In a nutshell it is Repentance—a permanent change of heart which causes a permanent change of life!

It is Christ Himself that said: "Many are called but few are chosen." (See this entire parable in Matthew 22:1-14) The 'Chosen' are those found worthy of eternal life—those who have been overcoming and striving to be like Christ. The invitation to the Kingdom is a gift but we must prepare ourselves for it. We won't be welcome if we are still in our 'old' garments.

***

## Bible Study

#### Becoming More Like Christ

Why should we want to become more like Christ?

Psalm 16:11 You will show me the path of life; In Your presence is fullness of joy; At Your right hand are pleasures forevermore.

I Pet 4:13 But rejoice to the extent that you partake of Christ's sufferings, that when His glory is revealed, you may also be glad with exceeding joy.

II Thess 2:14 He called you to this through our gospel, that you might share in the glory of our Lord Jesus Christ.

Comment: This life is but a 'dress rehearsal' for the next. Whatever is good on this earth; whatever is lovely; whatever is pleasurable is only a shadow of what is to come.

Are God's plans for us are more wonderful than we can possibly imagine?

I Corinthians 2:9 Eye has not seen, nor ear heard, nor have entered into the heart of man the things which God has prepared for those who love Him.

I Pet 5:10 NIV And the God of all grace, who called you to His eternal glory in Christ, after you have suffered a little while, will Himself restore you and make you strong, firm and steadfast.

Comment: God is calling us to be part of "His eternal glory". We can only speculate on what that might mean but when you look at all God has created—the beauty and glory of the universe, the wonder and joy of the good things in this life—we see only the tiny tip of an iceberg compared to the glory, joy and pleasures that will one day be ours for eternity.

In the future will we actually _be_ like Christ?

I John 3:2 Beloved, now we are children of God; and it has not yet been revealed what we shall be, but we know that when He [Christ] is revealed, we shall be like Him, for we shall see Him as He is.

So must we become like Him in this life to have 'pleasures forevermore' in the next life?

I John 3:3, 6-7 And everyone who has this hope in Him purifies himself, just as He is pure...Whoever abides in Him does not sin. Whoever sins [whoever makes a practice of following sin] has neither seen Him nor known Him. Little children, let no one deceive you. He who practices righteousness is righteous, just as He is righteous.

Ephesians 2:10 NIV For we are God's masterpiece. He has created us anew in Christ Jesus, so that we can do the good things He planned for us long ago.

I John 5:20 NLT And we know that the Son of God has come, and He has given us understanding so that we can know the true God. And now we are in God because we are in His Son, Jesus Christ. He is the only true God, and He is eternal life.

Are true Christians actually part of Christ's own body?

Ephesians 5:29-30 For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as the Lord does the church. For we are members of His body, of His flesh and of His bones.

Ephesians 4:14-16: "Then we will no longer be infants, tossed back and forth by the waves, and blown here and there by every wind of teaching and by the cunning and craftiness of men in their deceitful scheming. Instead, speaking the truth in love, we will in all things grow up into Him who is the Head, that is, Christ. From Him the whole body, joined and held together by every supporting ligament, grows and builds itself up in love, as each part does its work."

Will those that follow Christ be happier in this life as well as the next?

Luke 18:29-30 So He said to them, "Assuredly, I say to you, there is no one who has left house or parents or brothers or wife or children, for the sake of the kingdom of God, who shall not receive many times more in this present time, and in the age to come eternal life."

John 10:10 "I have come that they may have life, and that they may have it more abundantly."

Comment: God's ways are not to keep us from having fun—they are to keep us from causing pain and suffering—ours as well as others. Christ's way of life is the only way to true happiness, success and fulfillment—in this life as well as the next. The way of sin leads only to pain, suffering and death no matter how much 'fun' it may seem at the time. (Fun is only truly 'fun' when there are no repercussions or regrets!)

Christ was perfect. He was never selfish, proud, unforgiving, hateful, vengeful, jealous, envious, greedy, vain, deceitful, dishonest, or anything else that is evil or damaging. If you could rid yourself of such harmful emotions and characteristics you would be far happier and fulfilled; you'd be able to give more or yourself; you'd be completely confident and secure. While we will never be perfect in this life, the more we become like Christ and overcome sin, the happier we will be.

How can we be more like Christ?

Philippians 2:6-8 Let this mind be in you which was also in Christ Jesus

 Ephesians 5:1-2 NIV Follow God's example in everything you do, because you are his dear children and live a life of love, just as Christ loved us and gave Himself up for us as a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God.

 1John 2:6 He who says he abides in Him ought himself also to walk just as He walked.

Comment: Children usually try to be like their parents, a teacher, or some hero. In the same way Christians should strive to emulate Christ, our Elder Brother and High Priest. And in order to act or think like someone we admire, we must know them well. So the first step in becoming more Christ-like _is to get to know Him_. Christ is the living Word (John 1:1) and the Bible _is_ that Word—the written Word of God. Therefore, knowing the Word of God is knowing Christ; conforming to the Word of God is conforming to Christ.

What role does the Holy Spirit play in becoming more like Christ?

I John 3:24 And this is how we know that He [Christ] lives in us: We know it by the Spirit He gave us.

Romans 8:9-10 But you are not in the flesh but in the Spirit, if indeed the Spirit of God dwells in you. Now if anyone does not have the Spirit of Christ, he is not His. And if Christ is in you, the body is dead because of sin, but the Spirit is life because of righteousness.

Do we begin a new life in Christ when we receive the Holy Spirit?

I Corinthians 5:17 Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; old things have passed away; behold, all things have become new.

Ephesians 4:24 And that you put on the new man which was created according to God, in true righteousness and holiness.

Comment: Matthew 5-7 outlines the spiritual aspects of God's laws and defines the way a Christian should live. Christ emphasized time and again that without the Holy Spirit man could _never_ please God because without it he can't even _understand_ spiritual things much less _do_ them. Chapters 5-7 in Matthew are essential in becoming more like Christ—and you'll understand these verses even more as you grow, so study them often.

What was Christ like?

Did Christ love?

John 13:34 A new commandment I give unto you, that you love one another; as I have loved you, that you also love one another.

John 15:9, 12-13 As the Father loved Me, I also have loved you; abide in My love. ...This is My commandment, that you love one another as I have loved you. Greater love has no one than this, than to lay down one's life for his friends.

Was Christ humble?

Philippians 2:8 And being found in appearance as a man, He humbled Himself and became obedient to the point of death, even the death of the cross.

Did Christ give of Himself?

Gal 1:3-4 Grace to you and peace from God the Father and our Lord Jesus Christ, who gave Himself for our sins, that He might deliver us from this present evil age, according to the will of our God and Father,

I John 3:16 By this we know love, because He laid down His life for us. And we also ought to lay down our lives for the brethren.

Philippians 2:8 And being found in appearance as a man, He humbled Himself and became obedient to the point of death, even the death of the cross.

Did Christ grieve and weep?

Luke 19:41-44 Now as He drew near, He saw the city and wept over it...

Mark 8:11-12 Then the Pharisees came out and began to dispute with Him, seeking from Him a sign from heaven, testing Him. But He sighed deeply in His spirit, and said, "Why does this generation seek a sign? Assuredly, I say to you, no sign shall be given to this generation.

John 11:32-38 Then, when Mary came where Jesus was, and saw Him, she fell down at His feet, saying to Him, "Lord, if You had been here, my brother would not have died." Therefore, when Jesus saw her weeping, and the Jews who came with her weeping, He groaned in the spirit and was troubled. And He said, "Where have you laid him?" They said to Him, "Lord, come and see." Jesus wept.

Was Christ distressed?

Mark 14:33-35 And He took Peter, James, and John with Him, and He began to be troubled and deeply distressed. Then He said to them, "My soul is exceedingly sorrowful, even to death. Stay here and watch." He went a little farther, and fell on the ground, and prayed that if it were possible, the hour might pass from Him. John 12:27-33

John 13:21 When Jesus had said these things, He was troubled in spirit, and testified and said, "Most assuredly, I say to you, one of you will betray Me."

Did Christ get angry?

Mark 3:4-5 Then He said to them, "Is it lawful on the Sabbath to do good or to do evil, to save life or to kill?" But they kept silent. And when He had looked around at them with anger, being grieved by the hardness of their hearts, He said to the man, "Stretch out your hand." And he stretched it out, and his hand was restored as whole as the other.

Was Christ forceful?

Matthew 21:12 Then Jesus went into the temple of God and drove out all those who bought and sold in the temple, and overturned the tables of the money changers and the seats of those who sold doves. Mark 11:15-17

Was Christ compassionate?

Mark 1:40-42 Now a leper came to Him, imploring Him, kneeling down to Him and saying to Him, "If You are willing, You can make me clean."Then Jesus, moved with compassion, stretched out His hand and touched him, and said to him, "I am willing; be cleansed."As soon as He had spoken, immediately the leprosy left him, and he was cleansed.

Matthew 14: 14 And when Jesus went out He saw a great multitude; and He was moved with compassion for them, and healed their sick.

Mark 6:34 And Jesus, when He came out, saw a great multitude and was moved with compassion for them, because they were like sheep not having a shepherd. So He began to teach them many things.

Did Christ teach with power?

Luke 4:31-32 Then He went down to Capernaum, a city of Galilee, and was teaching them on the Sabbaths. And they were astonished at His teaching, for His word was with authority.

Luke 4:36 Then they were all amazed and spoke among themselves, saying, "What a word this is! For with authority and power He commands the unclean spirits, and they come out."

John 7:25-26 Now some of them from Jerusalem said, "Is this not He whom they seek to kill? "But look! He speaks boldly, and they say nothing to Him. Do the rulers know indeed that this is truly the Christ?"

Did Christ pray and need time alone?

Mark 1:35 Now in the morning, having risen a long while before daylight, He went out and departed to a solitary place; and there He prayed.

Matthew 14:13 When Jesus heard it, [John the Baptist's death] He departed from there by boat to a deserted place by Himself.

Matthew 14:23 And when He had sent the multitudes away, He went up on the mountain by Himself to pray. Now when evening came, He was alone there.

Luke 5:16 So He Himself often withdrew into the wilderness and prayed.

Did Christ keep God's commandments?

John 14:30-31 "I will no longer talk much with you, for the ruler of this world is coming, and he has nothing in Me. "But that the world may know that I love the Father, and as the Father gave Me commandment, so I do. Arise, let us go from here.

John 15:9-10 "As the Father loved Me, I also have loved you; abide in My love. "If you keep My commandments, you will abide in My love, just as I have kept My Father's commandments and abide in His love.

To be like Christ must we also keep God's commandments?

I John 3:24 NIV Those who obey his commands live in Him, and He in them.

John 15:9-10, 14 "As the Father loved Me, I also have loved you; abide in My love. "If you keep My commandments, you will abide in My love, just as I have kept My Father's commandments and abide in His love... "You are My friends if you do whatever I command you.

I John 2:3-6 Now by this we know that we know Him, if we keep His commandments. He who says, "I know Him," and does not keep His commandments, is a liar, and the truth is not in him. But whoever keeps His word, truly the love of God is perfected in him. By this we know that we are in Him. He who says he abides in Him ought himself also to walk just as He walked.

Comment: There is no way to know Christ unless you keep His commandments. God's laws show us _how to be like God_ and how to love both God and man; the breaking of them is the cause of _all_ suffering and pain in the world.

Did Christ keep the Sabbath?

Luke 4:16 So He came to Nazareth, where He had been brought up. And as His custom was, He went into the synagogue on the Sabbath day, and stood up to read.

Mark 2:27-28 " And He said unto them, The Sabbath was made for man, and not man for the Sabbath: Therefore the Son of Man is also Lord of the Sabbath."

Did Christ keep the Holy Days?

Matthew 26:17-18 Now on the first day of the Feast of Unleavened Bread the disciples came to Jesus, saying to Him, "Where do You want us to prepare for You to eat the Passover?" And He said, "Go into the city to a certain man, and say to him, 'The Teacher says, "My time is at hand; I will keep the Passover at your house with My disciples."

John 7:37 On the last day, that great day of the feast, Jesus stood and cried out, saying, "If anyone thirsts, let him come to Me and drink.

Comment: Christ also told His disciples to stay in Jerusalem until the Day of Pentecost so they would receive the Holy Spirit. (Acts 1 & 2) The Holy Days are an essential part of a Christian's life because they picture God's plan for mankind and our future with Jesus Christ.

Did Christ rejoice?

Luke 10:21 In that hour Jesus rejoiced in the Spirit and said, "I thank You, Father, Lord of heaven and earth, that You have hidden these things from the wise and prudent and revealed them to babes. Even so, Father, for so it seemed good in Your sight.

Hebrews 12:2 Looking unto Jesus, the author and finisher of our faith, who for the joy that was set before Him endured the cross, despising the shame, and has sat down at the right hand of the throne of God.

How can we have the same joy as Christ?

John 15:9-13 As the Father loved Me, I also have loved you; abide in My love."If you keep My commandments, you will abide in My love, just as I have kept My Father's commandments and abide in His love."These things I have spoken to you, that My joy may remain in you, and that your joy may be full.

John 16:22 Therefore you now have sorrow; but I will see you again and your heart will rejoice, and your joy no one will take from you.

Comment: Joy is not just happiness. It is the result of doing things God's way and of knowing that a time is coming in which everything will be made right. Joy is also knowing that we can be a part of that future—through Christ—by whom we have eternal life dwelling in us through His spirit. You can sorrow and grieve and still have joy because the coming Kingdom of God is more certain than the rising sun!

Can we be friends with Christ?

John 15:9-13 "As the Father loved Me, I also have loved you; abide in My love. "If you keep My commandments, you will abide in My love, just as I have kept My Father's commandments and abide in His love. "These things I have spoken to you, that My joy may remain in you, and that your joy may be full. "This is My commandment, that you love one another as I have loved you. "Greater love has no one than this, than to lay down one's life for his friends.

John 15:15 "No longer do I call you servants, for a servant does not know what his master is doing; but I have called you friends, for all things that I heard from My Father I have made known to you.

Can we have eternal life by knowing and Becoming More Like Christ?

John 17:3 "And this is eternal life, that they may know You, the only true God, and Jesus Christ whom You have sent.

 John 17:26 NIV "I have made you known to them, and will continue to make you known in order that the love you have for me may be in them and that I myself may be in them."

Did Christ specifically command us to love one another?

I John 2:7-11 Brethren, I write no new commandment to you, but an old commandment which you have had from the beginning. The old commandment is the word which you heard from the beginning. Again, a new commandment I write to you, which thing is true in Him and in you, because the darkness is passing away, and the true light is already shining. He who says he is in the light, and hates his brother, is in darkness until now. He who loves his brother abides in the light, and there is no cause for stumbling in him. But he who hates his brother is in darkness and walks in darkness, and does not know where he is going, because the darkness has blinded his eyes.

John 13:34 A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another; as I have loved you, that you also love one another.

John 15:9-13 As the Father loved Me, I also have loved you; abide in My love. If you keep My commandments, you will abide in My love, just as I have kept My Father's commandments and abide in His love. These things I have spoken to you, that My joy may remain in you, and that your joy may be full. This is My commandment, that you love one another as I have loved you. Greater love has no one than this, than to lay down one's life for his friends.

John 15:17 These things I command you that you love one another.

Is it love that shows we are Becoming More Like Christ?

John 13:35 NIV By this all men will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another."

Comment: Christ is our Elder Brother, our High Priest, our Counselor, Comforter, Friend and Bridegroom. To know Him is to love Him; to love Him is to become like Him; to become like Him is to have eternal life with Him. NOTHING is more important than becoming more like Christ! And all that He is can be described in one word: LOVE. God is Love (I John 4:8) "And now abide faith, hope, love, these three; but the greatest of these is _love_." (I Corinthians 13:13) _If you will be like Christ you must have love._

***

Chapter 4: General

## The Religion of Evolution

"But how do you _know_ there's a god? How do you _know_ evolution is not how everything came to be?" he asked me. This difficult question was not coming from someone attending our Bible lectures, it was being asked by my own seven-year old son! (Surely this question was ten years too early!?) His teacher had told him she would be away for awhile because she was having the end of her tailbone removed—the remains, so she told the class, of her evolutionary tail. How can it be legal to teach our children the religion of evolution any more than any other religion?

Ah, you say, but evolution is not a religion, it's only a scientific theory. Let me prove to you that it is indeed a religion and, as such, requires certain intangible beliefs, as any religion does. There is one question which no evolutionist can answer and yet it is the _biggest_.

Evolutionists _start_ with the Big Bang Theory and Survival of the Fittest and then try to prove their flimsy ideas by charts that show a similarity in the species. (Which only proves there's _One_ great designer). But what they have never had, and never will have from evolution, is the answer to _where the matter came from in the first place._

One thing they do admit, however, is that _all_ matter is deteriorating constantly— _which means it had to have a beginning_! In several billion years the sun will burn itself out. A lot of stars that we are just now discovering don't exist anymore—we are merely seeing the light from the explosion that disintegrated them, who knows how many millennia ago! (That light, traveling at the speed of 186,000 miles per second, is only just reaching us! Now, that boggles my mind!) The entire universe is winding down and, given enough time, would eventually decay into...well, nothing!

The important question however, 'Where did matter come from?' cannot be answered by any atheist. Apart from God, there aren't even any good wild guesses. And so, when asked to defend creation-by-evolution there is only one conclusion you can reach. You have to _believe_ that matter somehow came into existence all by itself _._ And to believe such an idea requires _faith_! It requires _faith_ to believe that the Big Bang just 'happened'; that man developed from apes—though there is no proof; that atoms somehow got themselves designed and together in such a way as to create life, even in its simplest form. And _faith_ is the basis of all religions! Therefore, I say, evolution _is_ a religion!

I told my son to take his pick: God or evolution. Whichever he wanted to believe would require _faith_ because I cannot point to a supreme being he can see, as my proof, any more than scientists can show me proof of their 'religion'. Oh sure, I can show him the myriad of intricate details that make up all the incredible things on this planet; I can show him the workings of a watch and ask him if he thinks it could have _evolved_ ; I can ask him where laws came from, laws that even evolutionists feel guilty for breaking. But, in the end, it takes _faith_ to believe in God. Not, of course, as much faith as it takes to believe in evolution, but then they have so little evidence, poor things.

As the scientist said to God, "We can now do all that you can do and we really don't need you anymore."

"That's fine," said God, "Just prove to me that you can create a human being and you win."

"No problem," replied the scientist as he bent down to scoop up a handful of dirt.

"Whoa," God said, "Get your own dirt!"

One more question for evolutionists: If man evolved from apes, how come they're still around? (If you think you have the answer, try discussing it with an Orangutan.)

***

## Africa—Why is it Still so Primitive?

#### Abraham's Blessing

I've been to the Ivory Coast, Ghana, Sudan, Zimbabwe (was Rhodesia then), Cameroon, Nigeria and Kenya. Africa is a fascinating place with much beauty and natural wonders. I've seen white rhinos, snow on Mt. Kenya and the fabulous Victoria Falls in Zimbabwe. In Kenya, Bouganvia grows wild in a riot of colors and there are varieties of bananas and strange fruit I've never seen before. There are apples and oranges in the higher regions and mangos and papayas in the lower. It is a beautiful and sometimes verdant land.

But there is something strange about Africa that a Westerner cannot help but notice. Although the southern countries seem to have as many natural resources as the United States, they are as impoverished as a nation could possibly be. People beg and walk barefoot, live in mud-floored homes with only the basest of staples to live off. Children are undernourished and often highly anemic, they're dirty and disheveled with flies crawling constantly over their eyes and mouths during summer. The people wash and bathe and defecate in the same water they drink, and suffer the consequences of the self-inflicted diseases such ignorance brings. Millions suffer and die each year from many other dreadful diseases, including leprosy, Malaria and AIDS. Others die of starvation, even when there has been enough food for all.

How are we to understand such a vast population that is so uncivilized and unsuccessful compared to the Western nations—the Have's versus the Have-not's? I could see for myself that it wasn't a lack of natural resources, for Africa is a bounteous nation with many near-perfect climates for growing virtually anything. They've had in their possession a wealth of gold and precious stones, timber and antiquities. They have flora and fauna that Americans religiously seek to experience in expensive safaris. There are pineapple, sugar and cocoa plantations in abundance. Yet the indigenous people are amongst the poorest and worst fed in the world.

Why? What's happened there? Why are they still fouling their own water and dying from easily preventable diseases? Why do their children starve when there could be food for all? Why do they still live in stick huts with no running water and mud for floors?

The answer is simpler and more miraculous than you might think! We Americans have somewhat forgotten our past but if you remember, the Pilgrims came here for religious freedom. And with them _they brought the Bible_. And where did they get the Bible? Where did they get their precious belief in God and the health, quarantine and sanitation laws handed down from generation to generation?

It can easily be summed up in one scripture where God is talking to Abraham: Genesis 17:7 "And I will establish my covenant between me and you and your seed after you in their generations for an everlasting covenant, to be a God unto you, and to your seed after you."

Do we have the Bible by accident? Not at all! It is part of the promise God made to Abraham, part of God's covenant with His people. The Bible is the backbone (or used to be) of our nation, the founding stone our nation was built on. And it is the Bible that is the source of our national health and prosperity and a huge part of the reason for our greatness—and all because of God's promise to Abraham. We are God's people because He has kept His word—His Bible—to be a foundation of all knowledge, of all health, of all growth and prosperity! And He has kept His promise to Abraham that his seed would prosper and flourish by giving them revealed knowledge in His Word.

Without the Bible, people falter and flail in the darkness, as in Africa. People defecate in their own drinking water and foul their own lands, creating pestilence and disease wherever they go. The World Health Organization has stated that the brain develops almost completely between birth and five years old. But in Africa a two-year old is at the bottom of the food chain and may subsist on a type of gruel for many years. Their brains don't get enough protein to develop properly. In some countries the problem of early malnutrition is so severe that our ministers could not find a single young person that would be capable of getting a college education in order to help his own people. Ignorance is definitely _not_ bliss!

Many tribes in Africa destroy fertile land simply because they don't know enough to take their animals to other pastures before they have eaten every grass, seed, and root in the pasture. They leave nothing for the soil to work with for the future—so it becomes desert. And slowly but surely, the Sahara Desert is creeping through all of Africa. At one time, it is said a man could travel from Egypt to South Africa and be covered in shade the whole way! Now the Sahara covers most of that land, barren and lifeless partly because of abuse.

Because they are without God Africa still worships animals and false gods of wood and stone. They raise their beds on bricks for fear of witches and live their lives in woeful superstition and ignorance, turning to witch doctors for cures, curses and 'magic,' greatly fearing their 'voo doo.'

In Nigeria and Ghana, amongst other places, there is a cultural expectation that a woman must prove she can produce a male child before she is considered marriageable. This 'expected' promiscuity ensures the constant spread of STD's, AIDS and other diseases and is an attitude not easily changed even by education. As if that weren't enough of a sentence against them, many governments allow natural starvation as a means of controlling the population. They don't welcome outside intervention in the form of food banks and mission outreaches because they _want_ the people to die, to make more room for the rest. Tribal wars are rampant across Africa as is gross government corruption.

Much cargo of food and clothing that has arrived in starving African countries has ended up in cities, for sale on the streets, black markets or in government quarters. And many times freewill offerings from well-meaning groups are scorned by government officials with comments such as, 'We don't have a problem and we don't need or want your help.'

There but for the grace of God goes our nation! It is the priceless knowledge we have from the Bible! Knowledge of crops and rotation, breeding, sanitation and quarantine, how to treat disease and value human life is in large part responsible for making us great. We are certainly not 'better' people.

We are not more clever or intelligent than the Africans—it is only by God's grace that our nation is so great. And that, from His great _gift of revealed knowledge_ —a promise that He gave to Abraham's and his seed forever!

***

## The Bride

#### Story of Grace

Disheveled, with a smudge of dirt on her cheek, Malena was nothing to look at as she paused from her sweeping to stare dejectedly at the passers by. She knew where all the young girls were going. They wanted a chance to meet the tall handsome stranger who'd sailed into their harbor that morning from an island three day's journey across the sea. He'd immediately set the village buzzing with the announcement that he had come looking for a wife. For a fleeting moment Malena's hopes had taken flight, but they were quickly dashed at the thought of all the other much more likely candidates.

Her time for marriage had come and gone and hope had left her parent's eyes. Virtually every other girl her age was married, some having presented their families with such grandiose dowries as two or even three cows. Malena's parents had long ago given up on dreams of a dowry and would have been content with a simple offer. But none came. Malena sighed and went back to her chores. She knew she was no beauty and without money or looks, she had nothing to offer. Every day there were younger, prettier girls coming of age making her chances ever slimmer. Not that she would be given a chance this time anyway. Her mama would not demean herself by letting her daughter go out in her finery—not that she had much of that!—to be rejected yet again.

Malena envied the younger girls as they tripped gaily down the path to the village square, all with apparent errands and shopping, yet decked out as no shopping would demand. She sighed and let a tear roll down her cheek as she slowly brushed the front door step clean.

Had her mother not been known to be the finest cook on the island, Malena might never have even seen the fine stranger. But that had curiously been his first request: Where could he find the best food? When he knocked on their door and asked whether he could pay for lodging and dinner, Malena had stood in the background in amazement. It wasn't unusual for a stranger to expect hospitality from the villagers—for a price—but her home had never been given such consideration, being only of modest construction. Still, mama was the best cook by all accounts and the stranger obviously considered his fare more important than his bed.

Malena graciously served the man, Lucas, blushing profusely every time he said, 'Thank you.' She dared not give him more than a stray glance or two, yet each time was completely confused when she found him steadily returning her gaze. When other invitations to dine reached him, as she knew they would, surprisingly, he refused. To her utter amazement, he eventually announced that he intended to stay and dine at no house but theirs till the end of his trip. Of course, she told herself, it was only because of her mama's superlative cooking.

But if her parents also attributed his attentions to mama's cooking, they were in for a big surprise, for at the beginning of the last week of his stay, Lucas solemnly asked them for the hand of their daughter in marriage! They stood there completely lost for words, stumbling in their anxious reply. But their shock at his choice was nothing compared with their astonishment when he mentioned a dowry. A dowry?! They were so delighted to be marrying off Malena, they would have paid _him_! But though he smiled at their eagerness and confusion, he quietly repeated that he had come with a dowry and a dowry would be given. Mama nearly fainted when he stated his firm offer: ten cows and a goat, no less, no more.

Papa recovered first and shaking Lucas's hand heartily, before he could change his mind, vaguely wondered if he ought to have bargained, as the custom was. But no one bargains with an offer so far beyond what they had ever hoped for, so much more than anyone would normally give! It was beyond all reason and papa knew it. But he was no fool and, stranger or not, he wasted no time completing the handshake that would make the offer binding.

When her joyous parents told her the news, Malena's legs could not hold her and she sank to the floor in disbelief. Having almost given up on marriage, this was more than even her wildest dreams had allowed! And never had she considered such wealth coming to her family through her! She was bewildered, delirious, erratic, ecstatic and altogether beside herself with joy. She made what meager preparations she could, was married and whisked off to her new home, almost before she had time to think, leaving the whole village shaking its communal head.

It was three years before the sea trader, Filip, a friend of Malena's father, made the long trek to Lucas's island. No one else had a large enough boat to navigate the three-day journey between the islands and Malena's parents had been overjoyed when Filip had announced his plan of trading there. He naturally assured them that he would look in on Malena and her new husband—indeed he was as anxious as anyone to meet the man who had paid such an outrageous dowry.

He had no trouble finding Lucas in the market place as he went about his business and when he introduced himself as from Malena's island, he was kindly invited to join them for dinner. As they walked to Lucas's home, the men exchanged news and stories until Filip could contain himself no longer. "I speak for my village," he said, "And we are all very curious." Lucas raised his eyebrows in amusement but he didn't interrupt. "How is it," Filip continued emboldened, "That you would pay such a dowry for a girl that no one else ever offered for?" He said it with some embarrassment but he just had to know.

Lucas was not quick to reply but walked on for a moment, smiling. "Well, you see," he began softly, "I figure that you get what you pay for. Wherever I have gone I have asked to be shown the best. It may be the best carpenter, the best Inn keeper, the best clothing maker. In your village, I requested the best cook. And always in every place, I keep my eyes open, for where something is best, there you may find some _one_ who is best. I found Malena."

"B...but," Filip stammered, "Not to be unkind, but Malena was never much to look at, nor witty nor..." he trailed off bewildered, afraid he would offend.

Lucas laughed heartily. "Ah, my friend, I see you have not yet learned what measure to judge by! For a woman of only beauty or wit is not a good companion. I looked into Malena's eyes and I saw beauty on the inside. As I got to know her I saw something worth far more than the normal dowry, and I paid it gladly. Beauty from inside will show, if allowed. Why don't you see for yourself. Malena!!" he called cheerfully as they entered the door to his home.

Filip rubbed his eyes and gave quite a start, for a gorgeous creature glided into the room with such grace and beauty he couldn't speak. This surely could not be the dowdy, disheveled Malena! But it was. And she was as beautiful as any woman he'd ever seen. Everything about her was tasteful, feminine, demur, and lovely. It was obvious that Lucas had spared no expense in her dress, her decorations, her education. And the glow from the love in her eyes added immeasurably to her allure. Filip was enchanted. She served a delicious meal—just like mama's—and conversed with wit and intelligence and feminine grace as though she were a queen. Filip couldn't quite take it in but he couldn't wait to get back to his village.

As Lucas walked Filip back to his boat the next morning, he explained, "When we were first married, Malena could not accept that she was worth such a dowry. I kept assuring her that indeed she was and what's more, that every islander for a hundred miles around knew what I had paid for her. She blushed every time we talked of it, shaking her head in disbelief. But in time she heard other villagers from other islands asking me the same questions you have asked. Malena eventually had to accept the truth—she was the most valuable woman in the islands. And, as I suspected and hoped, Malena began to live up to the price I had paid. Nothing was too hard for her to learn, nothing was too much trouble, nothing was more important than trying to prove her worth. And, you see, she has surpassed even my wildest dreams. She is the ideal that all other women aspire to, and she is more beloved every day. Go tell your village that I indeed did know what I was doing!"

Christ has chosen us for His bride. He has paid an incredible, unbelievable price for a 'woman' the world would despise, a 'woman' who was completely undeserving of such a gift. When we accept His sacrifice, how can we live other than as the bride of Christ should live—with honor and integrity, with inner beauty and graciousness?

Our words and deeds should reveal the wife Christ is going to marry. Let nothing be too hard to change, nothing too troublesome to learn, nothing so important as living up to the worth Christ has invested in us—His belief, that through Him, we will one day be worthy of being His bride! Forever and ever. Amen!

_Let us be glad and rejoice, and give honour to him: for the marriage of the Lamb is come, and his wife hath made herself ready._ Revelation 19:7

***

Chapter 5: For Children

## When Terri Didn't Want to do the Dishes

Above all things on earth, Terri hated washing dishes. When it was her turn, she'd dawdle and play and do anything except dishes! One summer day Terri was supposed to wash the lunch dishes but late in the afternoon they still weren't done. "Why haven't you done the dishes?" Mother demanded.

"I hate doing dishes!" Terri retorted.

"But I want to fix dinner and the sink is full of dishes!" she told Terri hotly. "I want you to stop playing and get busy. Do the dishes while I finish the ironing. Now!" Mother said. And Terri did start the dishes but then she wanted to play with the bubbles and when she went to the bathroom she found a story book and started to read it and so when Mother came to fix dinner, the dishes still weren't done

Mother sent Terri to her room and did up the remaining dishes. While she did, she thought about what to do about Terri. So while dinner was cooking, she came up with a plan. When dinner was done, Mom told Terri. "Since you didn't finish the lunch dishes like I asked, it's still your turn to do dishes, Terri. Please hurry because I have a new game I've been wanting to play."

"But..." started Terri.

"Just do the dishes, Terri," Mother interrupted. Terri stomped over to the sink and started banging the dishes around. She hated dishes!

True to her word, in a short time mom and the rest of the family were back at the kitchen table with a brand new game to play. And just as Mother had suspected, Terri had not yet finished the dishes. "We'll just have to start without Terri," Mother said. "Maybe she'll hurry so she can join in the second game," she added pointedly.

Now Terri was really mad. She washed the dishes slower than ever. She hadn't even finished them when it was time for bed!

The next morning after breakfast, Daddy asked the girls if they wanted to go to the park. All three jumped up and down in delight then Daddy turned to Terri. "I'm sorry," he said, "But we can't all go to the park when there are dishes to do. You still have some of last night's dishes and now there are the breakfast dishes. If you haven't done those by lunchtime, you'll have lunch dishes too." And leaving Terri to her tears he helped Shari and Leanne get ready to go.

Terri lay on her bed sobbing for a long time. Then she started thinking. She still hated doing dishes but now she knew that if she didn't do them she would just keep having more to do. She looked at the clock. It was ten thirty already. Lunch would be about twelve. If she didn't hurry, she'd have lunch dishes to do too. She ran out of her room and started hot water in the kitchen sink. She started washing furiously. Fifteen minutes later there was a gentle kiss on her cheek and Mother said gently, "Good girl, let me help you get them done before Daddy gets here." They were in such a hurry Terri almost forgot how much she hated dishes.

When Daddy came home he inspected the clean kitchen and gave Terri a big hug. "I'm so glad the dishes are done, because we need them for dinner and I'm starving! Of course if we eat that means dirty dishes and you know whose turn it is to do dishes, don't you Terri?" he asked. Terri's heart sank and she hung her head.

"Leanne's!" Dad cried laughing. And Terri was so glad that she couldn't help laughing too.

***

## When Leanne got Jealous

It all started when an old friend of Mother's met them out shopping. Everyone said a polite 'Hello." Then Mrs. Jenkins patted the ten-year-old twins, Terri and Shari on the head and said, "My, what beautiful blonde hair." The twins smiled but eleven-year-old Leanne frowned. Why hadn't Mrs. Jenkins said anything about her dark hair?

Then during recess at school the next day Leanne and her friends were playing with Barbie dolls and one little blond girl said, "I'm so glad I have blonde hair like Barbie and not dark hair like yours, Leanne." And that's when Leanne started really hating her hair.

When she got home from school, she threw her brand new Barbie into a corner of her closet. And jealousy started eating away at her. She was jealous of her sisters and the blonde girls at school and wouldn't even watch cartoons or movies if the main character was blonde. Mom and Dad could see Leanne was upset but when Mom found the new Barbie scrunched up under some shoes in Leanne's closet she knew something was really wrong. Leanne loved her dolls above all her toys.

She took Leanne out on the front porch and sat on the step with her. "What's all this about hating your favorite movies?" she asked gently as she put her arm around her.

"I just don't like them anymore," Leanne said simply.

"Wow!" Mom teased, "And only last week you wanted to grow up to be just like Cinderella!"

Now Leanne looked completely miserable. "Well," she said bitterly, "Obviously I can't ever be like Cinderella because I don't have blonde hair!"

"And that's why you threw Barbie on the floor in your closet?" Mom asked gently. Leanne nodded, a little ashamed. "Do you wish God had given you blonde hair like Shari and Terri?" Mom prodded gently. Leanne nodded, close to tears.

"Stay right there," Mom said suddenly, surprising Leanne out of her tears. "I have something I want to show you." And she ran inside and in a few minutes returned with an encyclopedia. Turning to the right page she put the book on Leanne's lap. "Look at these people," she said, "Are there any that have blonde hair?" Leanne looked and shook her head 'no' wondering what mom was getting at. "That's because they're Jews," Mom continued, "And the original Jewish people didn't have blonde hair. And do you know of a baby born a long time ago in a town in Israel called Bethlehem?" she asked Leanne.

"Jesus?" Leanne asked haltingly.

"Right!" Mom said. "Jesus was a Jew and he didn't have blonde hair either. He had dark hair—like yours!" Leanne's face lit up. She'd never known that!

She smiled up at Mom. "I think God must like dark hair especially, don't you?!"

Mom nodded and hugged her, "And so do I" she said smiling. "Oh, and say," she added, his eyes twinkling, "When Daddy gets home, please don't throw him into some ole corner, like you did Barbie, OK?!"

"Daddy...?!" Leanne asked puzzled.

"Well, I know how you feel about people with blonde hair..." Mom said, trailing off a gleam in her eye.

"But daddy doesn't have....," Leanne started then stopped. She looked at Mother and grinned. She had totally forgotten that Daddy had dark brown hair just like hers. All of a sudden she knew that she wouldn't trade her hair for Shari's or Terri's for anything in the world. Mom hugged her tight and said, "See why God and Daddy and I think you're special?!"

***

## When Shari Didn't Come Home

Mrs. Sorenson was worried. Little Shari had not come home from school. She was in the fifth grade and always walked the block and a half home with her older sister, Leanne, and her twin sister, Terri. The girls had waited for her after school but she didn't show up so they walked home without her.

Mrs. Sorenson questioned each of her daughters about Shari. Terri was the only one who had any clues. "I saw her with Maryanne at recess," she said. "Maybe she walked home with her." But when Mrs. Sorenson asked Maryanne's last name, Terri said it sounded like 'Slim-kinny' or something like that. Mrs. Sorenson frowned. She didn't know anyone who had a name like that. There was nothing to do but wait. Now the whole family was concerned. Mother did her best to stay cheerful, certain that Shari would call soon.

An hour later, Shari did call and when she told her mom that she was over at Maryanne's, she acted like she'd done nothing wrong. She knew her parents had told her never to go anywhere without telling them, and she had intended to call mom the moment she got to Maryanne's. Then she'd been so excited to see Maryanne's new pony that she forgot. But she _did_ eventually call—wasn't that all that mattered? But Mom didn't see it that way and told her she was coming to pick her up immediately. Shari was so disappointed she was mad. Everybody at school had wanted to see Maryanne's pony and when Maryanne had invited her _first_ , she was on cloud nine. Now mom was spoiling it all.

Mom politely thanked Mrs. Slovensky (she couldn't help smiling when she remembered how Terri had pronounced the difficult name) and took Shari straight home. Shari had sulked angrily all the way home. When dad got home, the story was repeated and the two of them decided that Shari would not be able to visit any friends for a month. Shari had gone to bed in tears.

The next morning, she was still in the dumps. Mom cheerfully told her to get ready for school, as she always did, and Shari made a face and kept slamming things and pouting. It was bad enough that they'd spoiled her day at Maryanne's, now they'd spoiled a whole month! It was unfair! And wouldn't you know it? Maryanne asked her twin sister over to see the pony the very next day and that goody-two-shoes asked permission first and got to go! Now Shari was really mad.

The Sorensen's thought that Shari would get over her little tantrum and change back into the sweet little girl she usually was. But hearing Terri tell the whole family at dinner about the 'adorable' little pony and _getting to ride her_! Shari sulked even more. The unfairness of it all was eating away at her.

Mom and dad talked to her alone that night and explained again that anytime anyone breaks rules, there's always a consequence. But Shari felt she _had_ obeyed. She intended to call them and was just late doing it! How was that breaking the rules? Her parents sighed. How could they get through to her? Then dad had an idea.

Dad had gone to work that third day very thoughtful. When the girls got home from school he called and asked to speak to Shari. Expecting another lecture she answered in a sullen voice. Instead of a lecture, however, dad asked her what flavor ice cream she wanted him to bring home. Eyes dancing, she'd immediately shouted, "Rocky Road!" and all thought of her unfair punishment was forgotten.

"Did daddy say when he would be home?" Mom asked.

Grinning, Shari said, "Twenty minutes!" Mom smiled, looking at her now happy daughter, bribed from her sulks by a half gallon of ice cream.

The girls went off to play happily, anticipating their treat, while mom started dinner. Every few minutes the girls would rush to the window looking for daddy. "How long has it been?" Leanne asked excitedly.

"Only 10 minutes," Mom laughed. "Don't worry, he'll be here soon enough."

But he wasn't. 20 minutes went by and then 30.

"Shouldn't he be here by now?" Shari asked.

"Well," said mom, trying not to sound worried, "Maybe he got stuck in traffic. I'm sure we don't need to worry."

But an hour later he still had not come. The girls forgot their games and sat by the window watching. Mom tried not to look concerned but she couldn't help glance at the window from time to time. An hour and twenty minutes later the ringing phone made them all nearly jump out of their skins. Shari got to the phone first and heard a familiar voice. "Daddy!" she cried in delight and relief. "Where are you?"

"Let me talk to your mother," was all he said, as the other girls visibly relaxed. He was OK!

When mom got off the phone she said, "Your dad started talking to an old friend in the ice cream store and just didn't realize the time!"

The girls were stunned. Here they'd sat, worried and watching, and the entire time dad was fine! When he got home, he put the ice cream in the freezer and sat the girls down.

"Hey," he said, cheerfully, "You guys weren't worried about me, were you?" All three girls nodded vigorously.

"Gosh," he said apologetically, "I'm sorry. As soon as Pete and I started talking I thought about calling you but then he had so many interesting things to say, I just _forgot_. But hey," he said, all smiles, "I _did_ call, didn't I?" They all nodded, but somehow their little hearts weren't happy.

"Did you like it when you were worried about me?" he asked them softly. They all shook their little heads. He gathered all three girls into his arms. "That's because you love me and don't want anything bad to happen to me, isn't it?" Three nodding heads showed how glad they were that he understood. "You know," he continued, lovingly, "It's because we love _you_ that we worry about you. And when we don't know where you are, we really worry. Remember that people don't worry about people they don't love."

Then turning to Shari he said gently, "It's no fun to worry about someone you love _for even one hour_ , is it Shari?" She shook her head slowly. She understood now. And as he gave each of them a hug and a kiss, Shari whispered tearfully, "I'm sorry daddy. I won't forget again." And never did ice cream taste so good as it did that night with everybody safe at home!

***

## Child, Will You Believe Me?

When you find the tale of Santa Claus

Who climbs down chimneys tall,

Is just a harmless story

Will I from your favor fall?

Will you understand that fairy queens

Who from kid's pillows take

A tooth, then leave a token coin

Are really all just fake?

Will you ask me one day what

the Easter bunny and his eggs

Have to do with Jesus Christ, His life

And death and a new age?

Are there pots of gold at rainbows?

When you grimace will it stick?

Are there bogey men and goblins?

Or are they just another trick?

Will you trust me when I tell you

That those things were just for fun?

Will you know what's fact from fiction

When all is said and done?

In trying to see what's right and wrong

How will I answer you

When you ask me in all innocence,

" _So is Christ also untrue?"_

***

Subject Index

(Clicking on any article below will take you to the Alphabetic list below. Click on the article you'd like to read and it will take you there.)

# Abraham's Blessing

##### Africa—Why is it Still so Primitive?

# Be Not Unequally Yoked

##### How to Find the Love of Your Life

##### How to Know What to Look for in a Mate

##### Love is Not Enough!

# Becoming More Like Christ

##### An Education in Sin

##### Are We Really Supposed to 'Judge Not'?

##### Bible Study

##### Celebrities for Eternity

##### Child, Will You Believe Me?

##### Do We HAVE to Keep God's Laws?

##### Have You Ever Thought of Murder?

##### How Could Christ Not Sin?

##### Is Christ Divided?

##### Is There an Easy Way to be Righteous?

##### It Makes me SO Mad When I'm not Happy!

##### Love Can Turn the World Around

##### Miracle 'Drug' for Resentment

##### Suffer the Little Children...

##### The Bride

##### The World is Full of Apathy—But who Cares?

##### What is Your Ministry?

##### You Call Your Organization 'Christian'?

# Child Rearing

##### Training a Child to be Disciplined

##### When Leanne Got Jealous

##### When Shari Didn't Come Home

##### When Terri Didn't want to do the Dishes

# Children's Stories

##### When Leanne Got Jealous

##### When Shari Didn't Come Home

##### When Terri Didn't want to do the Dishes

##### Dating

##### Are You Lonesome Tonight?

##### Finding the Love of Your Life

##### How Will Your Single Life Affect Your Future Spouse?

##### Romancing a Stranger

##### Sex and Teenagers

##### The Single Malady

##### What Does a Man Look for in a Woman?

##### Where Have all the Real Men Gone?

# Differing Talents

##### Beautiful People

##### Celebrities for Eternity

##### Just Who Are You?

##### What is Your 'Ministry'?

# Division

##### Is Christ Divided?

##### You Call Your Organization 'Christian'?

# Envy

##### Beautiful People

##### Celebrities for Eternity

##### When Leanne Got Jealous

# Esteem others Better Than Self

##### Are You Lonesome Tonight?

##### Bible Study

##### Do People at Church seem to Avoid You?

##### Fellowshipping at Church

##### How to be a Good Conversationalist

##### How to Get Self-Confidence and Self-Esteem

##### I Can't Be Nice—He'll Think I'm Interested!

##### Is Christ Divided?

##### Just Who Are You?

##### Overcoming Shyness

##### Shame on Me!

##### Suffer the Little Children...

##### The Single Malady

##### What is Your Ministry?

##### You Can't Close My Door

# Evolution

##### The Religion of Evolution

# Faith

##### Is God Unfair?

##### Of Course I Believe—Don't You?

##### The Bullet-Proof Vest

##### Why are we Here?

# Forgiveness

##### Miracle 'Drug' for Resentment

##### You Can't Close My Door

# Friendship

##### Romancing a Stranger

##### You Can't Close My Door

# Getting Priorities Right

##### Clean House—Empty Heart

##### Romancing a Stranger

# God's Laws

##### A Day Off for Good Behavior

##### Do we HAVE to Keep God's Laws?

##### Have you Ever Thought of Murder?

##### How Could Christ Not Sin?

##### Is There an Easy Way to be Righteous?

##### The Fourth Commandment

##### The Tenth Commandment

##### Why Doesn't God Want me to Have any Fun?

# God's Plan

##### A Day Off for Good Behavior?

##### Bible Study—Becoming More Like Christ

##### Celebrities for Eternity

##### Do we HAVE to Keep God's Laws?

##### Is God Unfair?

##### Many Called but Few Chosen?

##### The Bride

##### The Wedding Invitation

##### What About Judas?

##### Why are We Here?

# Gratitude

##### The Adoption

##### You Think You've Got it Rough?

# Judging

##### Are we Really Supposed to 'Judge Not'?

##### Beautiful People

##### Celebrities for Eternity

##### Is Every Trial also a Test?

##### Miracle 'Drug' for Resentment

##### Shame on me!

##### Suffer the Little Children...

##### You Call Your Organization 'Christian'?

# Kingdom of God

##### Do we HAVE to Keep God's Laws?

##### Is This as Good as it Gets?

##### The Bride

##### The Wedding Invitation

# Love One Another

##### Are We Really Supposed to 'Judge Not'?

##### Are You Lonesome Tonight?

##### Celebrities for Eternity

##### Do People at Church Seem to Avoid You?

##### Fellowshipping at Church

##### How to be a Good Conversationalist

##### How to Get Self-Confidence and Self-Esteem

##### I Can't be Nice—He'll Think I'm Interested!

##### Is Christ Divided?

##### It Makes Me SO Mad When I'm Not Happy

##### Love Can Turn the World Around

##### Suffer the Little Children...

##### The Single Malady

##### What is Your 'Ministry'?

##### You Call Your Organization 'Christian'?

##### You Can't Close My Door

# Meditation

##### Do we HAVE to Keep God's Laws?

##### Have You Ever Thought of Murder?

##### How Could Christ Not Sin?

# Modesty

##### Women and Dress

##### Women: What are You Selling?

# Resurrection

##### Is This as Good as it Gets?

##### The Bride

##### Was Christ Resurrected on Sunday?

# Seeking God's Will

##### Love Without Works is Dead

##### Many Called but Few Chosen?

##### What is Your Ministry?

# Seeking Righteousness

##### An Education in Sin

##### Bible Study—Becoming More Like Christ

##### Do We HAVE to Keep God's Laws?

##### How Could Christ Not Sin?

##### How Will Your Single Life Affect Your Future Spouse?

##### Is There an Easy Way to be Righteous?

##### Love is Not Enough!

##### Sex and Teenagers

# Sexual Sins

##### How Will Your Single Life Affect Your Future Spouse?

##### Teenagers and Sex

##### Why Doesn't God Want me to Have any Fun?

# Story of Grace

##### Is God Unfair?

##### The Adoption

##### The Bride

##### The Wedding Invitation

# Study to Show Yourself Approved

##### A Day Off for Good Behavior

##### Are You Ready for False Doctrine?

##### Bible Study—Becoming More Like Christ

##### Bible Study—Should you Seek Self-Esteem

##### Is There an Easy Way to be Righteous?

##### Is Your Minister Responsible for Your Salvation?

##### The Bride

##### Was Christ Resurrected on Sunday?

# Trials

##### Why Did Little Jeffrey Have to Die?

##### I'm Not Married—Is there Something Wrong with Me?

##### You Think You've Got it Rough?

##### Beautiful People

##### Is Every Trial also a Test?

# Women's Role

##### Where Have all the Real Men Gone?

##### What Does a Man Look for in a Woman?

# Work out Your own Salvation

##### Is Your Minister Responsible for Your Salvation?

##### Is There an Easy Way to be Righteous?

##### The Bride

##### Will God Make Your Bed for You?

##### The Indentured Servant

## Alphabetic List of Articles

A Day Off for Good Behavior?

Africa—Why is it Still so Primitive?

An Education in Sin

Are we Really Supposed to 'Judge Not'?

Are You Lonesome Tonight?

Are You Ready for False Doctrine?

Beautiful People

Bible Study—Becoming More Like Christ

Bible Study—Should you Seek Self-Esteem?

Celebrities for Eternity

Chapter 1: Christian Living

Chapter 2: Singles and Young People

Chapter 3: Christian Doctrine

Chapter 4: General

Chapter 5: For Children

Child, Will You Believe me?

Clean House—Empty Heart

Do People at Church Seem to Avoid You?

Do We HAVE to Keep God's Laws?

Fellowshipping at Church

Finding the Love of Your Life

Have You Ever Thought of Murder?

How Could Christ not Sin?

How to be a Good Conversationalist

How to Get Self-Confidence & Self-Esteem

How to Know What to Look for in a Mate

How Will Your Single Life Affect Your Future Spouse?

I Can't be Nice—He'll Think I'm Interested

I'm Not Married—Is There Something Wrong with Me?

Is Christ Divided?

Is Every Trial Also a Test?

Is God Unfair?

Is There an Easy Way to be Righteous?

Is This as Good as it Gets?

Is Your Minister Responsible for Your Salvation?

It Make me So Mad When I'm not Happy

Just who are You?

Love Can Turn the World Around

Love is Not Enough

Love Without Works is Dead!

Many Called but Few Chosen?

Miracle 'Drug' for Resentment

Of Course I Believe—Don't You?

Overcoming Shyness

Romancing a Stranger...

Sex and Teenagers

Shame on Me!

Suffer the Little Children...

The 'Religion' of Evolution

The Adoption

The Bride

The Bullet-Proof Vest

The Indentured Servant

The Single Malady

The Wedding Invitation

The World is Full of Apathy—But Who Cares?

Training Children to be Disciplined

Was Christ Resurrected on Sunday?

What About Judas?

What Does a Man Look for in a Woman?

What is Your Ministry?

When Leanne got Jealous

When Shari didn't come Home

When Terri didn't Want to do the Dishes

Where have all the Real Men Gone?

Why are We Here?

Why did Little Jeffrey have to Die?

Why Doesn't God Want Me to Have Any Fun?

Will God Make Your Bed for You?

Women and Dress

Women: What are You 'Selling'?

You Call Your Organization 'Christian'?!

You Can't Close My Door

You Think You've Got it Rough?

