Communication is my advice for somebody considering
getting married.
I actually believe that communication is important
if you are thinking about taking the relationship
to the next level and moving in together.
I know a lot of people have prenuptial agreements,
I think they are great; but in young marriages
or marriages where the parties don’t have
a ton of money, it may not be necessary.
What I do believe is necessary is determining
what the expectation of each of the parties
are, determining what the deal if you will
is.
Every relationship has a contract, and when
you enter into a marriage contract, you are
being governed by the state where you live
and even if it’s an easy divorce, when you
go through divorce, you have to file paper
work and pay fees, and fill out forms; that
means that getting into this should be a little
more difficult.
You should discuss, Do we want to have kids?
What religion is our family going to be?
How much are we going to put away for savings?
Are you going to continue working after we
have kids?
Are we going to a family vacation every year?
If my mom turns 80 and has a stroke can she
come live in our back house?
Obviously, you can address every single thing
that’s going to happen every single course
of your hopefully very long marriage, but
there are certain things, particularly financial
things, that are not very sexy or romantic
to discuss but I highly advised having this
conversation with either a priest or a rabi
or a good friend, somebody that you both respect
that’s had a little life experience, a mental
health professional again and maybe taking
some notes and jotting things down.
There will be times in your relationship when
you will have to renegotiate the terms, things
have changed, one of us is working more now,
one of us is making more money, we ‘re buying
a home; my mother did end up coming to live
with us.
Things need to be discussed and you need to
have good communication about what the deal
points are even if it may not sound like the
most romantic, it will save your relationship
time and time again, and if you start doing
it before you get married, it will be easier
to do throughout the course of your marriage
which will hopefully last a very long time.
