TRUMP'S ALSO SPENDING HIS FREE
TIME ABOUT DOING RALLIES.
HE HAS HAD THREE OF THEM IN THE
LAST WEEK AND HE'S REALLY
RAMPING UP FOR THE MID TERM.
>> I'LL GO SIX OR SEVEN DAYS A
WEEK WHEN WE'RE 60 DAYS OUT AND
I WILL BE CAMPAIGNING FOR ALL OF
THESE GREAT PEOPLE THAT DO HAVE
A DIFFICULT RACE.
AND I WILL BE MAKING THOSE RACES
MUCH, MUCH MORE DIFFICULT.
WITH VOTERS GO INTO THAT BOOTH I
WANT THEM TO BE THINKING SEX
WITH PORN STARS, KIDS IN CAGES,
AND RUSSIAN COLLUSION.
GOOD NIGHT CLEVELAND.
AND TO GET READY--
(APPLAUSE).
>> Stephen: THANK YOU, YOU
GUYS ARE A CHEAP DATE.
(LAUGHTER)
AND TO GET READY FOR ALL THIS
FALL MID TERM BLISS, TRUMP IS
STRATEGIZING LIKE AN NFL TEAM,
LET'S SAY TRUMP REVIEWS HIS
SPEECHES ON TIVO AN WHEN
WATCHING REPLAYS, TRUMP WILL
INTERJECT COMMENTARY REVELING IN
HIS MOST CONTROVERSIAL LINES,
WAIT FOR IT, SEE WHAT I DID
THERE?
LOOK MOM HEE,
(LAUGHTER)
>> LOOK, LOOK MOMMY, I MADE A
DOO DOO ON THE CONSTI-TOO TOO.
I'VE BEEN BAD.
(LAUGHTER)
YESTERDAY TRUMP HAD A RALLY IN
OHIO AND AS HE HAS ALWAYS BEEN
KNOWN FOR HIS DEEP BRONZER, HE
DEBUTED A NEW SHINIER LOOK.
DISARY GOD, HIS FACE LOOKS LIKE
A BIKE REFLECTERMENT AND I KNOW,
I HAVE BEEN TOLD BY SOME MEMBERS
OF MY STAFF THAT SHIMMERING
HIGHLIGHTER IS HOT RIGHT NOW,
BUT YOU'RE NOT SUPPOSED TO LOOK
LIKE C3PO CROSSED WITH A GLAZED
HAM.
EVEN TRUMP--
(CHEERS AND
( APPLAUSE )
>> Jon: OOOH, YOU WANT SOME
GLAZED HAM?
>> Stephen: I COULD GO FOR THAT
RIGHT NOW.
EVEN TRUMP KNEW IT WAS KIND OF
WEIRD, BECAUSE HE TRIED TO
EXPLAIN IT AWAY.
>> IT'S 110 DEGREES IN THIS
CRAZY ROOM!
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
IF YOU CAN TAKE IT, I CAN TAKE
IT.
>> Stephen: NOPE, SORRY.
( LAUGHTER )
I'M GOING TO FACT CHECK YOU
THERE-- IT WAS 1,000 DEGREES IN
NEW YORK THIS WEEKEND, AND I
DIDN'T COME HOME LOOKING LIKE
THE DEAD GIRL IN "GOLDFINGER."
( LAUGHTER )
AND I KNOW FOR A FACT THAT
THAT'S MAKEUP, BECAUSE I HAVE A
MAKEUP TUTORIAL CHANNEL, WHERE I
EXPLAIN TO ALL MY FANS HOW TO
GET THAT LOOK.
JIM?
>> Stephen: HEY GUYS, IT'S ME,
WELCOME BACK TO "STEPHEN: ON THE
FLOOR."
BEEP, BOOP!
I'M GOING TO SHOW YOU HOW TO GET
THE HOTTEST, MOST PRESIDENTIAL
HIGHLIGHTS.
IT'S CALLED, "SHINY SHIMMERY"
AND IT'S A FUN AND EASY LOOK YOU
CAN TAKE FROM GOLF TO RALLY.
WHAT YOU WANT TO DO IS TAKE OUT
YOUR GOGGLES, I'M USING SPEEDO
HYDROSPEX.
YOU WANT TO PUT THEM ON REALLY
TIGHT, OKAY?
THE MORE SUCTION, THE WIDER AND
THE PUFFIER AND MORE
PRESIDENTIAL YOUR EYES WILL BE,
OKAY?
( LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE )
THEN, YOU WANT TO PUT ON A THICK
IMPENETRABLE LAYER OF BRONZER.
I'M USING CHANTECAILLE RADIANCE
GEL BRONZER.
BOOP, BOO-DOOP, BOOP.
MMM.
THIS IS WHAT THAT LOOKS LIKE,
THIS IS WHAT THAT LOOKS LIKE.
OKAY?
AND THEN DON'T WORRY, OKAY?
WE'RE GOING TO PUT THAT ON.
( LAUGHTER )
DON'T WORRY ABOUT YOUR EARS, OR
YOUR NECK, OR YOUR HAIRLINE,
OKAY?
BOOM, SUMMERTIME GLOW.
( LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE )
THEN, TAKE OUT YOUR HIGHLIGHTER,
OKAY?
FENTY BEAUTY KILLAWATT FREESTYLE
HIGHLIGHTER BY RIHANNA.
BUT YOU CAN ALSO USE CRUSHED UP
CHRISTMAS ORNAMENTS.
( LAUGHTER )
OH, LOOK AT THAT.
YEAH, OH, LOOK AT THAT, UH-HUH.
MM-HMM.
( LAUGHTER )
NOW, REMEMBER, A LITTLE BIT GOES
A LONG WAY.
ALSO, A LOT OF IT GOES A VERY
LONG WAY.
( LAUGHTER )
DON'T BE AFRAID TO DEFINE YOUR
UPPER LIP, OKAY?
THERE YOU GO.
( LAUGHTER )
OKAY, MMHMM.
BEEP, BOOP!
( LAUGHTER )
♪ ♪ ♪
NOW, TO GET THE BEST EFFECT, YOU
WANT TO BLEND EVERYTHING WITH A
SLICE OF BOLOGNA.
I LIKE TO USE OSCAR MAYER
CHICKEN AND PORK.
THE RENDERED FAT REALLY SEALS IN
YOUR HIGHLIGHT.
( LAUGHTER )
SO NOW YOUR LOOK HOLDS UP TO A
SWEATY, PANICKED DENIAL OF
GUILT.
( LAUGHTER )
THEN, RIGHT BEFORE YOU GO ON
STAGE, TAKE OFF THE GOGGLES.
( LAUGHTER )
SO YOU GET THE SHARPEST,
REVERSE-RACCOON EYES.
GIRL, YOU ARE RALLY READY.
OKAY, GUYS, SEE YOU NEXT TIME.
DON'T FORGET TO LIKE AND
SUBSCRIBE.
BYEEEEEE!
BEEP, BOOP!
( LAUGHTER )
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
>> Stephen: WE'VE GOT A GREAT
SHOW FOR YOU TONIGHT.
CHRIS HAYES IS HERE!
BUT WHEN WE COME BACK, JEFF
SESSIONS' RELIGIOUS DEFENSE TASK
FORCE.
STICK AROUND.
