 
You know my dog. the pom?
The 13 year old one?
My pom, the one in Batam.
The one who's original owner died
Passed away, you mean.
What's the difference?
Why are you putting on your mask?
Oh yeah. What am I doing?
It's reflexes.
Even now, if I'm watching a movie or a TV show
And and there are people in close proximity to each other or if I see signs of normal life
my mind is like “Hey you can’t do that” and then I’m like “oh yeah this is a movie”.
The shoot was probably so long ago.
Like even if there’s people hugging in a movie my reflex is to say
“Hey you can’t do that”.
Because of my very COVID mindset.
As you might have noticed, I cut my hair.
I don’t think anyone noticed.
The only reason I noticed is because you’re wearing gel.
I’m not wearing gel. I’ve never.
So what’s that? Why is it so greasy?
I just haven’t washed my hair.
So anyway, after we were done eating noodles, I went to the barber.
The “Sir Salon” near my place.
When I came in, I said “I wanna cut my hair” to the lady,  she asked me my name bla bla bla.
Then all of a sudden, after I took a seat,
all the barbers started talking like: “Oh, that’s what it is HOH [Chinese-y intonation]"
I was like “the fuck??”.
I just ignored them, started downloading netflix shows on my phone.
Then it was my turn, I sat there, and suddenly in the middle of cutting my hair,
the barber asked me,
“bro, what’s your family name?
like, we live in Medan so that question  leads us to think that they assume we’re Bataknese, right?
But I’ve also been asked my family name a lot, especially from online taxi drivers,
but that’s because they actually think I’m Bataknese.
But there is no way in hell anyone thinks you’re Bataknese.
I KNOW! So awkwardly, I was tilting my head down like this,
because he was doing my back...
He was doing you from the back?
He was doing my back, bro.
He was doing the back of my head with his dick. So anyway he started asking...
Wait lemme check if the camera is recording, you continue.
So, he was doing the back of my head and he asked me my family name,
and I was awkwardly looking at him through the mirror and I was like,
“I’m - I'm Chinese, man”.
Like your family name’s Chinese?
Your name’s "Jovi Chinese"?
And you know what he misheard it as?
He said “Oh you’re a Sinaga!”
So for the rest of the haircut he referred to me as Sinaga.
“Can you please tilt your head down for me please, Sinaga”
“Tilt it back up, SInaga”
I was like “Bro! Really?”
 
 
And at some point at the end of the haircut, he asked me
“So, is the Chinese one your dad or mom?"
So I was like “that means you knoooow I’m Chinese”
Then I wonder why his original reaction was to ask what your family name was?
I don’t fucking know.
. So instead of coming clean,
I like this barber, so I said
“Yeah my dad’s Bataknese, my mom’s Chinese,
but since I was little, my dad was never home,
that’s why I can’t speak Bataknese, but I can speak Hokkien though
And he was like “aaaah, that makes sense. That’s why your face looks very Chinese. I was like “Bro, really?”
If your face looks very Chinese then why did he assume you were Bataknese in the first place?
That reminds me of a story of when I went to get that rapid test,
I went to the doctor and – I do that a lot -
What, go to the doctor?
No, I don’t go to the doctor a lot.  But if for example,
with Grab drivers or like barbers or whatever,
when they ask me shit, like I don’t know why but I feel like this deep inclination to lie,
to just make shit up.
So whenever they ask me “Where do you go to college? You working?”
So I just make shit up, like when the doctor asked me “So what are you doing nowadays? You in college?”
I just said “Yep”, like that just came out of my mouth without even thinking.
And then he asked “Oh, where?” and I was thinking
and blurted out “UPH!”
and he was like “Oooooh, UPH! What major?”
and I just blanked thinking “What majors do they have at UPH”
I think if you answered anything other than medicine, you’re good.
And I said “Nutrition”, that’s what came out of my mouth
And he was like “OOOOH Nutrition huh? I heard the Kalbe institute is a really good school for that!”
So I said “Oh yeah I hear that a lot! The Kalbe Institute, it’s great!”,
and he kept going on about that, and I just nodded my head.
But to be fair, every Grab ride I’ve ever been in,
I normally order them from my house, and they ask me “Oh do you live here?”
I’m always like “this guy doesn’t need to know anything”
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
Alfian was trying to talk to her, and this was the first time Alfian met her
Alfian is like our best friend. And then like, Alfian asked
“ So what area do you live in?”
and she was like “Um, why?”
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
They asked “what do you do for a living?"?
Yeah, so I just immediately said “I’m a youth pastor”
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
“What’s your family name?”
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
“Oooooh you’re Chinese?!”
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
“Indonesia needs gangsters (preman).
Preman is derived from,
and I don’t think he knows what derived means.  I’m paraphrasing.
He said “it comes from the English language, FREE-MAN. PRE-MAN.  So we’re free people.
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
“Hello, who is this?”
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
None of this really happened. It’s all fictional, never happened
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
“Indonesia should do that to! It’s great! Just kill them all! They’re worthless!”
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
“Get out of there! Get out!”
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
“Hold on, man! I’m not done!”
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
