Are- are you rolling?
T: What do you think Arin?
A: I don't kn-, I never know..
D: Okay-
D:Welcome to the Ten Minute Power Hour!
A: We were looking at stuff on the thing and I thought you were still adjusting and--
D: Arin.
A: What?
D: Where's our scissors? Where are, the, scissors for the..
A:This is unacceptable. 
D: We can't start the show unless they're... like, everything's perfect.
No, we can't start the show unless they're scissors in there. Or unless it just disappears!
Which could be?
(mumbling) Just- Which could be
Oh my god!
How dare..
D: What are we doing today Arin?
A: Man, I don't fucking know. What are we doing today?
D: I- Uh, apparently from what you told me- er, before. Uh...
It is, for the New Year- new year's resolution...
Uh ...exercising things.
You've got them over by you!
(Both mimic the theme song from when stuff is placed on the table)
A: I just think about it all the time now. D: What's that?
A: The song whenever I throw stuff on the table
A: It just comes into my head.
D: Ohh yeah! The (not accurate singing).
D: Yeah, I don't remember.
A: Uh- We have a- it's a whole bucket- look at this shit there's a whole bucket full of-
D: There's tons of stuff here
A: Bowl- uh full of...
Get fit quick schemes. 
D: Okay, so we're gonna
D: We're gonna absolutely do these. 
A: Wow look at all this stuff. What do we start with.
D: Ok well 
A: That's a classic
D: This is a classic ThighMaster
D: I'll- I'll demonstrate it. Okay, so Suzanne Somers used to do infomercials on this all the time
A: Didn't she make the-?
D: Let's clear this away.
A: Didn't she make like hoody scarf thing that we did?
D: Yes she did. She's been a busy lady.
D: You just go like this. BAM.
A: (softly) Oh, fuck dude.
D: And then you just crush the thighs. x2
A: Do it again. (softly) Ah, that's- (unintelligible)
D: Sorry.
A: Did that burn?
D: No... wait.
D: Not so easy, is it?
A: It's really hard to keep- I think it's like keeping it stable
that's the hardest part. 
D: Yeah, absolutely.
A: It just wants to slip away. I'm also afraid that this part's gonna pinch my nuts
D: Yeah, that's- that was a fear of mine too!
A: 100% nut pincher.
A: (doing a funny voice) I've got 12 friends. I see them every day
A: (still doing the voice) Hi, Friend!
D: I hope this is funny because your ass is like right in my face.
A: What the hell?
D: The sauna active- The sauna suit
D: Activate, shape, and burn
D: Is this just a fucking garbage bag that you put on?
A: Oh, it's pants. Yeah, literally garbage bag pants
D: Okay, so.. 
A: And then that's the shirt. 
D: Do you wanna put this on?
A: No. 
D: Okay.
D: Well..
(Classic Dan Laugh)
A: What do you think?
D: Is this what we want- is this what- is this right?
A: We didn't get two so I guess we'll have to just..
D: Yeah.
D: So the idea is..
(Dan stuttering)
D: You work out in this, and it promotes heat retention, muscle warmth, and perspiration.
D: So it makes you sweat more because you're in a fucking garbage bag. 
A: Can you put- can you pull this up please?
D: Uh, where? How?
A: Yeah!!
D: Alright.
(Funny voice) A: I'm a work-out boy!
A: (Singing)
D: (Laughing)
D: Ah!
A: Oh sorry!
(Both laugh)
D: My foot..
(Still funny voice) A: I'm going to do fifteen hundred squats- here we go!
A: One!!
D: (Laughter)
Two!!
Three!!
(Audible Rip)
A: Woo! I broke my pants!
D: (Laughter)
A: Ohh, I ripped them!
D: Yeah.
A: Aw, look at that!
D: (Stuttering and 'Yeah's)
(Laughter)
D: It is a full rip.
(Still funny voice) A: Right in there, I got a little big rip. I got one on here.
D: I think I saw something for the nose and mouth in there. 
A: And also the temperature is warm.
(Fake laughter)
A: Mouth!
D: Slim mouthpiece, what the fuck? 
A: I think it's made fit. This is fully Japanese.
D: It is completely but you read Japanese, right?
A: Yeaah, it says um..
(Japanese accent) A: Surim mousu piecsu
D: Well sh- perfect. Let's-- that's good enough for me.
A: You see every time they make a product like this that goes in your mouth
I just imagine the last place this was was like a dingy factory.
A: You- you gotta go "ooo".
D: Oh, the other way? Do i have them backwards?
(Arin 'ooo's)
A: It's really burning!
D: Really?
A: 'Ooo' (Disappointed) No..
D: This is- this serves no function. 
A: It feels like oh, I did something wrong
D: Yeah, I don't think tha- 
A: 'Ooo'
A: Oh, I got it I got it!
D: That's- that's what it's supposed to do? Supposed to do five sets of that?
D: This is the fit rio?
A: (Accent) Fitrio!
D: Fitrio, you're suppose to be like-
A: I think you have to take it out of the bag.
D: That's the first exercise.
A: Wow, look at that.
D: So you just go-
A: Like once it's going, it's just kind of like is this really like resistance? Like it kind of feels nice honestly.
D: Do anything?
D: It feels pleasant.
A: Because it's like: (High-pitched voice) Ooh, it has nice rhythm!
(Same voice) A: Ooh, what a nice rhythm!
What's in this... mystery bag? I don't know what this is, but it's scary. You're right. A: Oh
D: [Laughs] It can't-
That can't function-
That's not right.
A:Hello, Dan
D: wait, wait, wait. Do that.. while doing this?
And you'll be the hottest prostitute I've ever seen in my life A: [grunts]
D: Right? A: [still grunting]
A: It really does...
...take a lot of effort
[Laughs] Ah- Fuck!
A:What're these things you took out?
D: They're nose-ups!
A: In order to make your no- little nose clearer, more beautiful and full of happiness, this product is necessary for your nose
Beautiful nose! When? Where?
D: New on market! Anti germ and stink proof
D:It says that.
A:This is too much.
D:This is super weird.
A:When and where did you use JIAHE?  Idle talk.
It's not the first time fot me to drive... too when driving.
T: No!
A: The same as you too when watching TV at home. Er, er
Too when taking a nap after lunch or go to sleep at night.
D: Oh my god
It's just a fucking nose pincher. It just pinches your nose shut.
A:There's gotta be something more to this D: - this can't be right this can't- Tucker, tell something. Do you feel that
my nose is a little clearer, more beautiful and full of happiness?
If so, then this new on market product may be for you! A: It may be necessary for your nose
T: Would you call it... 'nose'ssary? D: [wheeze]
A:Fuck you tucker.
D: Here's another one. It's an anti wrinkle and belt strap
Have fa- for the face. It's for the face. A: Oh, Okay
Let's put it on man. Who the fuck's eyes are this far apart?
[Dan laughs] A: What the hell?
Is this like for your chin?
Oh it is!
You're supposed to put your ears through the holes. D:Oh
D:That's stupid. A:Hold on, I gotta get right in there. I can feel the wrinkles melting awaaayy!
What do you got there Dan? D: I don't know. Let's take a look, also made in China
We should probably disinfect these before we put these on. A:No no, China's a very clean country.
D:It's not about China it's about the fact that this came from some fucking factory. What kind of bondage?
A: Oh, that's to slim your waist
D:That's what I need. A:Do you need that?
A: Uhh..
I think it's on backwards.  D:Is that backwards? I feel sexy.  A:What do you think of that? Oh, yeah, you look as slim as a fiddle
D:Yeah? Yeah? Is it good?
Look at this man mashin' around lookin' like a sad stick in the mud
A:Wow, you can see the abs through it. D:Thank you. Oh, yeah, it's just like stone
Do you want you want to plug one of these on? A: Is there another one? D: I think there's another-
Yeah, It's right down there in front of the table.
AAAHHH
[Arin mumbling and groaning in pain] D:Okay. Okay. This is this is actually not working at all. Oh, okay
A: You gotta zip it up please. Zip it up! [Dan laughs]
D:How does it feel? How do you feel?
I feel great.
D:Okay, um...
We have one last thing to do. Here's a weight belt for you to plug in. A: What the fuck is this?
D: That's one of the shaky weights. A:What?
D:Yeah, we have to plug it into an AC adapter. A:Is there instructions? D:Working out is hard.
A:I don't like being fit.
D:One, two,
[DEMONIC SCREECH]
Let the weight loss begin!
Heat mode
D:You're gonna look so good
[Peaceful music, vibrating of shake belt]
[COUGH]
There's literally no surface of any kind I can put my hands on without touching drool.
A:All right, turn it on to let the magic work. D:Including the remote. A:Sorry, dude. D:Okay
A:You gotta turn it on first
D: Heheheheheheh
High!! High!!!!
yaaayy
D: Eeeeehhhhhh
D: Eeeeehhhhhh A: It's workin' him out!
[Dan continues 'eehh'-ing]
D:The floor is gonna lose a lot of weight.
All right, let's show them those biceps Arin.
A: I French-kissed it. D: O-oh okay, okay.
[beep]
A:The hell was that?  D:Yeah- the microwave's done, popcorn's ready
A: Did we-?
D: We made popcorn.
We've got one last final amazing thing to do. It's uh, the beauty body mobile gym
Six-pack em's. it's probably six pack EMS... but we're gonna call it the six pack em's
I don't want to put this on my skin. A:Oh, yeah
D: You have too much body hair too that's gonna
[Various sounds of delight, laughing, 'ooo's]
A: There's my six-pack right there, you see that? D :it looks great
A: I gotta- attach it on. D: This doesn't feel right. A: It's zapping me.  D: Do you feel it?
[Arin screaming wildly] ah- AH AH AH AH AAH AH AH I don't like it! [screams]
D: Really? What's it doing?! A: Ah It's like- it's zapping me!
[Arin screams]
[screaming intensifies]
[screaming intesifies] OHGAITSAHDAITSZAPZAPZPZPZP
D:What do you mean it's zapping you? [Arin man screams] D:Why?!
A: DAHH! I hate it!
FuUck this sucks, are you kidding me?! I can't believe this is real!
[screams]
[screams more]
AAH It's pulsing now! You gotta try this dude. It sucks!! D: I don't want to try it. It looks terrible. A:It's the WORST!
aAH It's a constant one! AAH- oh it stopped
[unadulterated screaming]
D:I don't feel anything. A:Show 'em the goods. D:Okay, so, ah. A: You gotta turn it on-
-and then really-
[Dan screaming] Oh, fuck! Why? Why?? Why was that- OW- Why is that a thing??! It's the- It's terrible!
A:Wait wait try- D:Ah fuck!   A:Try mode t h r e e
D: ah waitwaiTWAITWAITWAITWAITNO NO STO-
Stop! Stop!
[gasps] Aaw God!
It's like... it's like 50 elves just like-
EEEHHHHH [Arin joins] YEHYEHYEHYEHY
A: NOW YOUR FIT!
D: Okay wait wait- I'm gonna try for four.  A:You gotta do mode
D: Ahh- hahh- haahh A: What is four?
D:it's like a pulsing, it's not good. It's bad. It's bad.
aH IT'S BAD IT'S BAD IT'S BAD [Arin laughs]
D: [laughs] Stop!
OOWWW!
AAH!
Alright!
Alright. You know what.
AH! And it's fuckin' with my hands when I take it off!
A: Really?
D:Yeah, you can feel it. A:I'm scared it's gonna ruin my hand.
[screams]
D: Right??
D:It sucks! It's like a dog shock collar
d-AH AAH OW OW OW
[laughs] Fuck!
AAAWWHH
D: Next time on 10 Minute P- ower Hour...
Oh, g- you're stepping in your own drool right now. A: Yeah, it's my juices. D: M'kay. Well, A: You gotta marinate [grunts]
D: I can still feel it.
A: hAAAAAAAaahhh...
A:If you have any suggestions for what we should do, comment! Put it in the there!!
A: [imitates crash noise] D: Bye!
