I was raised with cats.
You can kinda tell.
(AUDIENCE LAUGHS)
Don't laugh at that.
That is the meanest heckle
you could give.
I don't mind traffic.
What's the big deal?
Just sit there.
Nothing is being asked of you.
-Just surrender and remain.
-(AUDIENCE LAUGHS)
I always look to my left,
there's always a guy
in a white BMW that's like,
(SCREAMING) "I'll be happy
when I'm at work!"
(AUDIENCE LAUGHS)
Be happy now.
My wife has big boobs
'cause I don't give up
on my goddamn childhood dreams.
(AUDIENCE LAUGHS)
I've always wanted to open
a Christian buffet
called "God Helps Those
That Help Themselves". (GIGGLES)
This is dressed-up for me.
All day,
before I change for the show,
I was head-to-toe Lululemon.
No one has ever gone up
to a cop like,
(YELLING) "He went that way!
He's wearing Lululemon!
He can move and bend in ways
your uniform does not allow!"
♪ (MUSIC PLAYS) ♪
