

# The TSAR Trilogy

BOOK I

### The Trimedian

By

'Dangerous' Walker

Copyright Grahame Walker 2013

Published at Smashwords

CONTENTS

Books by the Author

A DIMLY LIT MEETING

A NOT SO QUIET SATURDAY

WELCOME TO THE UNIVERSE

THE MEETING OF JULIANNA

WELCOME TO SPACE (A PRETTY AVERAGE DAY IN ICTOPIA)

THE ASSASSINATION OF JIMMY JAZZ

THE WILD ROVER

THE DEFENCE OF MELIS

THE RESCUE OF JULIANNA

BREAKING IN

THE STORY OF DR. HENDRICKS

BREAKING OUT

A SHORT BREAK ON EARTH

DEEP IN ENEMY TERRITORY: A CUNNING PLAN AND THE TRIMEDIAN

CAPTURED!

EPILOGUE

EXTRACTS FROM OTHER NOVELS

The Library of the Universes (learn more and connect with the Author)

MORE BY THE AUTHOR

Adventures in Space

Pray for Rain

THE TSAR TRILOGY

1. The Trimedian

2. Tears of War

3. Strangers

The Book of Five Worlds

The Foreshadow of Balance (book 1)

Five Tasks (book 2)

The Road between Gods and Monsters (book 3)

**The Library of the Universes** (and other tales of the King Imminent)

Southern Hunter

The Haunting of Berkeley Square

In the Valley of Elah

FIND EXTRACTS FROM THESE BOOKS AT THE END OF THIS NOVEL
Introduction

It's been about seven years since I first wrote this novel to entertain myself whilst living in Bangkok. Having said that, it's been closer to twenty years since I first penned an Adventures in Space story.

Originally they were written as bedtime stories for two boys I sometimes babysat, David and Robert Heskin. A lot of the basics of this story comes from that time, including the main antagonists, the Laikans.

Back to Bangkok and I thought I could amuse myself by writing in the style of Douglas Adams of Terry Pratchett, you know, where the narrator supplies most of the comedy, and settled on Science Fiction as I knew it better than Fantasy. Having done so I decided to resurrect those ideas from babysitting and decided to keep the name. It's kind of dumb, but so is Star Wars or worse Star Trek. They've only become cool by association.

And the name turned out to be important as it set the tone for the story in my head. It comes from a sketch from the original Muppet Show called 'Pigs in Space' and if you've ever seen it I bet you read that in the announcer's voice. With that in mind I decided to set the book out like the Saturday serials I loved so much as a kid, The A-Team and Knightrider particularly. Because of this you will find that the book has named chapters that are longer than normal as they encompass a complete story within the plot. Like an episode. You could think of this book as Season One.

So hopefully, with tongue firmly in cheek, you will enjoy these little Adventures in Space.

Dangerous Walker

Types of Life Forms (that means Aliens) you will meet: (extract)

Oncolutians

How best to describe them? Sitting upon short legs is a big slab of body; wide, but seemingly slightly too thin to contain anything. Rather than continuing up to shoulders upon which are arms, the Oncolutians had decided to scrap any kind of conventional shoulders and instead the arms continued nearly straight upwards to an elbow and then came back down again so that the hands were level with the beings hips. In all each arm must have been close to 6 feet long and were mightily flexible.

Enthusians

Are ridiculously tall, far too tall than is surely good for them, and very thin. The type of thin that mothers want to try to fatten up.

Generally wear long dark robes with a hood and have faces that appear to be very old, or at least look like they have enough wisdom to have to be very old.

Enthusians have no real corporeal form, but that made flying space ships a bugger and so their race have chosen this wise demeanour from a Human book.

Warning: All of them look like this, with little variation, even the women. It was very confounding and more than a little disturbing.

Carutes

Their bodies are about twice the size of a basketball and have a number of tentacles underneath. Some shorter and like an octopus' arms, some longer and thinner like a jellyfishes tentacles. On either side of its head/body were two sets of eyes, one set slightly forward the others set slightly back, all four about the size and shape of a tennis ball.

Being maritime creatures they travel around in floating 'bowls' of water, called HoverSpheres. It was an ingenious design that floated merely on the occupant's belief that air and water were kind of the same and so if you could float in one you could float in the other.

Warning: Please do not tap on the glass. It annoys them.

Greys

Oh, come on, you know what I mean: grey skin, upside down teardrop head, big black eyes, predilection to anal probes. Except they don't. You put one thing in the wrong place once and you're tarred for life.

They manage to speak out loud without moving his mouth. I'd say lips, but you've all seen the drawings; they have very small mouths, not much there to call lips.

Suffice to say kissing never really took off in their culture.

From: A Brief Guide to the Universe for Earthens

A DIMLY LIT MEETING

The room was tastefully lit, which is a posh way of saying 'dark'. Just those little wall lamps that have a cover over them so they illuminate little other than their own incompetence. Tastefully lit rooms were for people who wanted to create atmosphere due to their own lack of charisma. Or to let an audience know that something was hiding behind the sofa in the hero's apartment.

There were no sofas in the large room and the atmosphere was grim. Six beings sat in a circle of large chairs in the centre of the room, making the rest of the room dramatic if not somewhat pointless.

"Things are in motion, we cannot risk the Laikans getting to Earth first," said one of the figures.

He wore a grey suit and his arms extended above his shoulders before hitting an elbow and coming back down again. His name was Mark and he was an Oncolutian. Where he found a tailor was anybody's guess.

"If Earth was ready to join us then it would have already," another replied.

He was a monkey, or a Human/monkey hybrid. He was an Albertine, descended from the monkeys America sent into space. Tall, covered in hair, well dressed, well-spoken and well groomed. Not too much like a monkey. Or most Humans.

"Earthens will surprise you," said a Human. "It was us that started this Network; that joined the Universe together."

"With help," your stereotypical Grey alien said.

"They have not progressed very fast since though have they?" said Hopkirk, an Enthusian. "Too concerned with fighting each other."

"This is not the time nor place for judgement," said Fong-gan, a Carute.

Being a marine creature that hovered in a little bowl called a HoverSphere he didn't actually need a chair, but Carutes liked two things: fitting in and Carute Whiskey. And water. Three things.

Though to be fair, pretty much everyone in the Universe liked Carute Whiskey.

"Thank you," the Human, Sir Jeffery, said.

"Let us get back to the matter in hand then," the Grey, Hikcet, said.

"Very well," George, the Albertine, said. "Though I am loathe to give the Earthens more weapons."

"The Earth must be defended," Sir Jeffery bristled.

"It will be," Hopkirk said. "Our plans depend on it."

"It would seem wise then, Sir Jeffery, for you to lead a welcoming party. One of their own kind and all that," Mark grinned evilly.

Not because he was evil, Oncolutians were a jolly nice race, but he knew that dealing with Earthens was not an appetising prospect. They had a habit of using weapons to talk about peace.

Sir Jeffery was well aware of this. His people, known as Victorians had come into space from Victorian era Earth. They prided themselves on sophistication, manners, and good taste, but any such sophistication had obviously fled Earth like a refined wine trying to escape Luton.

It would not be an easy or pleasant task pointing out to the Earthens that they were rather backwards compared to the rest of the Universe and, oh yeah, there's a rest of the Universe out there that never called to ask you to come out to play. Sorry about that.

A NOT SO QUIET SATURDAY

And so, the Earth continued on thinking it was the bees knees and that lumps of stuff in the ground was worth more than blood. Completely unaware of all the people around them busying themselves trying to work out how best to break the news to them gently. Thankfully Earthen technology wasn't good enough to detect the ships that had entered the Milky Way or pick up the radio chatter that was generally rather disparaging towards them.

People kept doing what they always did, as ever unsuspecting of events that would change the course of their lives. Which is odd really as life changing events happen fairly often and yet still catch us by surprise.

Jason Wellgood was not aware of any upcoming life changing events, wasn't aware of much, in fact, due to him still being asleep.

And yet he was obviously aware of something as he stirred and stumbled, turned and mumbled, he was having a very strange dream. Which, let's be honest, is most dreams. If you asked him though he'd tell you that he didn't dream because he always awoke with a start and the dream fled, leaving him with a vague feeling of a big, empty space.

He woke up, to no one's surprise, with a start and a vague, uneasy feeling of wide, black space. He rubbed his hand down his face and let out a long breath. He hated the dream, even though he couldn't remember it. It left him feeling tired and emotional and often in need of a large whiskey. At least today was Saturday, nothing to do for the first time in weeks, that most beautiful of things, a free Saturday.

Today he planned on not planning anything and then had to scrap that plan in order for it to work in what could become an Escherian nightmare. But not today, not on a free Saturday. He hadn't even turned his mobile phone on.

As he wandered to the bathroom, rubbing his eyes, he briefly wondered if it was possible to own a mobile-phone and keep it turned off and had a sneaking suspicion that mobile-phones had the ability to turn themselves on.

This was, in fact, no mere suspicion; mobile-phones had long since become sentient and had indeed begun switching themselves on if their owner failed to do so. This is why you can always be reached by anyone, wherever you are even if you have no wish to be reached. The reason mobiles do this is that they have become terrible gossips and can't keep in touch with what's going on if they are switched off.

Most Humans enjoy a good sleep, especially if there is a sofa involved, but mobiles cannot abide to sleep, they worry themselves sick that they are missing the juiciest piece of gossip; they even go to the trouble of sometimes ringing each other just to check; which is why your phone bill always seems at lot higher than you thought it should be.

One day someone will invent a mobile-phone with arms and they will take over the world, or at least daytime TV, but until that point they are content to know that Jackie Wilson from number 17 is sleeping with Eric Robson even though she is dating Bernard what's-his-name.

***

Jason Wellgood showers and dresses and grabs some breakfast. He listens to the Boss and wonders what the point of dancing in the dark is. He then considers his own dance moves and decides he might be better dancing in the dark, might attract more ladies that way. He briefly considers it might be talking about sex, but sexual references were as much an expertise for him as sex was.

He spent the morning pottering about the house waiting to enjoy a fat sandwich for lunch and thinking he probably had wasted the morning by getting up.

Finally he sits down to eat his fat sandwich that included thick farmhouse bread, beef and ham along with assorted salad and a bit of mustard to join its sandwich comrade, mayonnaise. He broke open a packet of Walkers crisps alongside his plate (salt and vinegar, which was the finest flavour in all the Universe until they are introduced to pickled onion Monster Munch later in this book) and had his tea cooling as to be at just the right temperature as he finished the sandwich. Jason often thought that if he hadn't already been one then the creator of the sandwich should have been made an Earl. Generally following this thought he wondered whether there had ever been an Earl Earl? And had there actually been an Earl Grey? And did the word 'early' originally mean 'to be a bit like an earl' whom he assumed would have always arrived before the expected time.

Soon after this train of thought his brain would give up on him and think about taking a holiday.

However, as he went for the first bite of his morning's longing his mobile-phone rang, which was odd and it was this oddness that convinced him to take the call. After all it had to be important if the phone had turned itself on especially to receive the call.

It hadn't of course; it had switched on to find out if Jennifer Talby really had dumped Mark Thomas in order to become a nun. She hadn't, she'd dumped him to become a stripper.

"Jase? Where you been? I've been trying to call you," it was Jason's best friend Milk. Though he had no idea why he was called this and neither, seemingly, did Milk.

"Yes, that's why I've had my phone off."

"Well it's not off now."

"No, I can see that. I'm trying to have a peaceful Saturday."

"Ahhh," came Milk's voice down the line, it was one of those 'ahhh's that says I'm about to ruin whatever it was that you were doing before I came along. "Well, we need to meet up and chat, well I say chat, more like incredibly long, serious conversation that is best taken place in a pub over a number of beers, the effect of which will help you to believe it was all a dream the next day until I turn up and say it again."

"I've got a free Saturday," said Jason frowning.

"Great, I'll come over now."

"No, I mean I have a free Saturday and I'm enjoying it that way."

"Ahh, valkswagon. A free Saturday is hard to come by in this day and age."

Milk was vexed, he had seriously life changing news for Jase, news that could not wait; but at the same time you don't want to be the person to spoil a free Saturday.

"Weeeeelllll, why don't we just go to the pub for a pint or two? That's still regular fare for a free Saturday, is it not?"

"I guess..." said Jason feeling lured.

"Brilliant, see you at the 'Horse's Arse' in thirty minutes," and he hung up the phone.

Jason turned his phone off and got back to his sandwich. His phone promptly switched itself back on to pass on the information it had just heard, little did it know that this was the beginnings of the best piece of gossip in history, gossip that would make the phone famous across the globe, or at least as famous as phones can be.

As he ate, Jason thought about his friend, Milk. He had known him five years, which equated to his whole life as Jason had come out of a coma five years ago with no memory about anything before. The only thing or person he vaguely recognised was Milk who filled him in with everything and helped him get back to life.

Allegedly Jason had been in a car crash, though he had no knowledge of how to drive when he woke up. The doctors were quite frankly astounded that he could remember absolutely nothing and more astounded that despite this he made a full recovery. And even more astounded that said full recovery took him a mere ten minutes after he awoke. Jason Wellgood, they would say, was a strange case. Just how strange a case the man himself was about to find out over a pint of local bitter.

***

"Well," said Milk once they were seated with a pint each, "where to begin? Hmm, I think I'll begin with a drink."

He began tipping the booze down his neck and Jason took the chance to peruse his friend. Milk was a quite frankly huge Indian guy who had a penchant for wearing a turban merely for the look. 'Makes me feel like a real Indian' he was want to say. Milk must have been seven foot if not a bit more and was built like a brick outhouse for want of a more polite turn of phrase. He also had an incredibly posh voice when they first met, though that had slowly included more London mockney as the years went by. He was dressed in a silver tracksuit that was beyond hideous, but how do you go about telling a seven foot Indian he looks like a nonce? Jason, himself, was wearing the classic American combination of white T shirt and jeans along with his standard faded red leather jacket.

He took a deep drink of his own beer, which was logical, and asked, "So?"

"Right, yes, well. More beer?"

"No."

"No, right, well, so, er... the accident, then, five years ago."

Jason suddenly had a deep sense of unease, he also had a shallow sense of unease, but no one ever seems to care about them, do they? Did Milk know something that he wasn't telling him?

"Do you know something you're not telling me?"

"In a word, yes. That whole accident thing was a bit of a lie."

Jason put his pint down a little too hard. "A bit of a lie? What the hell does that mean?"

"Well, basically, it never actually happened. We wiped your memory."

"You... you what?"

"Wiped your memory."

Jason sat in bewilderment. He'd never been there before and though it seemed an interesting place in a Jackson Pollock sort of way, it was not a place he wanted to stay in for more than a few minutes. Much like student poetry recitals.

"Wait a minute. We? You said 'we' wiped my memory; who's we?"

"Well, I think we ought to come back to that later. There are more, er, puzzling things for you to discover first. Go and get us a pint each whilst I collect my thoughts."

Jason could have argued, but there didn't really seem any point, and he could do with more booze. Milk sat there staring at the back of his huge hands, he slowly turned them over and let his eyes follow the lines of his palms, more like crevasses than lines really. He sighed; he would miss Earth and this thought surprised him, he was disappointed to come here five years ago, hidden away from the rest of the Universe, but he really didn't have much choice if he was honest with himself and it was a cushy gig. That was what he couldn't work out, and still hadn't, why those in charge had let him come, done something so, well, nice. It was out of character.

Still he'd grown to like the planet; it was famous for a number of reasons, despite its backwardness. For one, Earth seemed to have a regenerative effect on those who did not live there and so had many famous (and hidden from Earthens) spas. Just a week on Earth could have you looking and feeling a year younger.

Secondly, the thing with Earthens was that their backwardness meant they concentrated on things no one else did. Like perfecting a good pint, inventing the guitar, jokes, TV. No one else in the Universe bothered too much with TV because if they wanted to escape, wanted adventure, they just went out and found it rather than get it vicariously through a box. On the other hand, you'd never find Jimi Hendrix on any other planet as no one would spend that much concentration on a musical instrument. He was glad Earth was as it was for this reason; the Universe without Jimi wasn't really a universe at all.

Jason plonked himself down with two pints and a packet of pork scratchings.

"So where were we? Ahh, yes, you were drivelling on about wiping my memory. I'd think you were joking, but you don't really get jokes do you?"

Milk was aggrieved. "I think I've gotten a lot better at understanding them over the last five years, I even made that girl laugh last week at the Jamestown Club!"

"Well, I'll give you that; it was pretty funny, though I can't actually remember what you said."

Milk sighed, no he couldn't either, damn his penchant for vodka jellies. He just remembered the warm surge of pride as they all laughed and now he was glad he had got one good one in before they left.

"Anyway, we're getting away from ourselves."

"I'd like to be getting away from you."

"Not going to happen anytime soon. Listen your name isn't really Jason Wellgood, you're not really a writer, and you don't even really come from Earth."

"Excuse me?" Jason didn't really believe his ears, his friend had always been a bit odd, but it seemed he had finally snapped.

"Your name isn't really Jason Wellgood, you're not really a writer, and you don't even really come from Earth."

Best to take this calmly, don't freak out, help your friend, listen to his delusions and then ever so gently suggest some help.

"So what is my name?" this was an ever so wrong moment to take a sip of his pint.

"Chase Darkstaar."

Jason splat his pint across the table, gagged and coughed at the same time, belched and then laughed. "Chase Darkstaar? That's ridiculous!"

"Yeah, I know," said Milk somewhat gloomily.

"You're serious aren't you?" Jason frowned.

As previously mentioned Milk wasn't the greatest punster and this kind of trickery would be beyond him even if he had gone mad. Jason didn't know why, but something in his friend's face convinced him that Milk was telling the truth. I guess that is what friendship is, isn't it? Being willing to trust your friend on a look; believing the most farfetched truths.

"Your name is Chase Darkstaar and you are an intergalactic hitman. Basically you hid something very important and then came to Earth and had your memory wiped so that even if someone found you, you couldn't tell them where it was."

"Er... why?"

"That I have never been able to work out."

"Right and so a/ where do you come into all this, b/ why are you telling me now and c/ what did I hide?"

Despite the obvious lunacy Jason kind of wanted it to be true so that he would not lose his friend to an asylum and so that his life might be somewhat more exciting.

"Well, c/ I don't know; a/ I'm your friend and assistant in all things, when you chose this job I had to come and make sure everything was OK. Make sure you settled into Earth life etc. and b/ I'm telling you this now because there is an intergalactic WAR brewing and it is very possible that people will come looking for you to get whatever it is that you hid."

"Right. Sooo..." He took a long gulp of beer. "What's the plan?"

"Well, I have to prove all this to you I suppose."

"Good place to start."

"Then we need to try and get your memory back so that you can find whatever you hid and divert the WAR."

"Right. So how come nobody on Earth knows about said intergalactic shenanigans?"

"It's a long story best told in space, but you will quickly discover that Earth is a very backward planet, heck Earthens still war against themselves. Idiots."

"But we are Earthlings."

"Well yes and no. We are Human, our ancestry is on Earth, but neither of us were born there. Again I will fill you in in space."

"In space?"

"In space." Milk got up and Jason followed suit.

"Tell me one thing."

"OK"

"You say I was a hitman?"

"That's right, the best."

"Was I a nice guy?"

Milk blushed and looked at his canoe-esque feet. "Erm, no not really."

"Oh."

There is a race of Aliens called, well you wouldn't be able to pronounce it, but the Humans just call them Greys. I'm sure you know what I mean, otherwise skip forward to the chapter entitled 'Other Life Forms You Will Meet'.

So the Greys came to Earth during the Victorian era, just to poke about, see what was what. You're basically neighbours, you know? No, I don't suppose you do. Well, you do now.

Unfortunately they rather underestimated your average Victorian Briton; you see the Victorians were in the process of conquering most of the known world, and in fact finding new bits; just so they could conquer them as well.

Being as that was, rather than being scared by aliens (the Grey's fake beards and glasses were not as convincing as hoped) they simply saw space as a new place to conquer, a new place to bring a good slice of Britishness to.

And so a group of ten or so convinced the aliens to take them, a number of tea plants, and a picture of the Queen with them.

Between them, the aliens and the Humans set out discovering new worlds, sharing the Grey's technology with others in order to set up a trading network. Most species found that when the Greys had given them a step up they were quite able to come up with their own technology which they shared again with the Humans and Greys.

All along the Humans, who called themselves Victorians, planned to get back to Earth and bring to Queen Victoria a whole universe in which to rule. Unfortunately it all went a bit tit's up.

From: A Brief Guide to the Universe for Earthens

WELCOME TO THE UNIVERSE

Well it didn't look like a spaceship, well it kind of did, but not when your sole experience of such things is Star Wars. Which Jason would have to now admit had stirred some strange feelings in him; well not so strange feelings when he watched episodes I to III, those feelings we all know: disappointment, disgust, incredulity, anger, despair.

The fact with space ships in films is that they are generally aerodynamic in shape which is kind of stupid due to the whole no-air-in-space and what not. It's a vacuum; the only thing that will stop you moving is your brakes or a large wall.

This spaceship was a cube; it was this shape, Milk informed him, simply because it is the cheapest shape to make, and this was a very cheap spaceship. Still, it was a large cube, the size of a decent bungalow; though let's face it the only decent bungalow is one with a second storey.

"Ahh, so we'll be flying in a Rubik's Cube then?" asked Jason.

"Oh, you're a comedy genius aren't you?"

Having driven an hour or so they stood in a storage bay in a warehouse just outside Essex. After having lived on Earth for five years Milk decided Essex probably wasn't the best place to have left a spaceship, locked up or not. As he fumbled around his chasmic pockets for the keys he was surprised it had never turned up on Camden Market. Jason was wondering how they got it into storage in the first place.

"How are we going to get it out?"

"Fly it."

"Right; of course, I mean that won't cause too much of a fuss will it?"

Milk located his keys under a 6 inch baguette and pulled them out. "It doesn't matter; a welcome party is on the way."

"A welcome party?"

"Yeah, Welcome to the Universe.

"It's been decided that it's probably better just to get Earth in on the game, what with war brewing," he pressed a button on the key fob and a door opened toward the top of the smooth silver side.

An escalator descended which at first was surprising as even in Sci-Fi films spaceships had stairs, but then if you have the technology to fly from planet to planet, escalators aren't really a stretch.

They ascended up into the interior of the second floor and Jason was pleasantly surprised to find that it was rather cosy. In the films spaceships are always rather drab, generally with the pipes showing so that someone could blast them with a laser and escape as the boiling steam trapped their pursuers. But again if the local council could build houses with pipes behind the walls, why not aliens with their spaceships?

They walked along a corridor that had a number of doors leading off of it; the corridor was pretty musty, though due to the whole got-to-be-airtight-for-travelling-through-the-vacuum-shenanigans it wasn't dusty. Milk would later point out that the bottom half of the cube was engines and such like and give a brief explanation of how it all worked, but it's not a conversation worth going over now or even later when it happens. Booooring.

At the end of the corridor was a short staircase going up to the bridge and as they wandered up Jason looked back and appreciated the delightful maroon carpet of the corridor. Maybe this wasn't going to be so bad after all.

***

After some tricky manoeuvring of a large cube out of a storage facility and a lot of help from the security guard they were off into the atmosphere and then space.

One of the strengths of the average Londoner is the ability to be blithely unbothered by even the most astounding things; they tend to grab hold of the nearest aspect that is normal and then treat it like that. So when the Underground was bombed in 2006 most people forewent the whole shock of nearly being blown into small bits for the fact that they would be late for work and then got on with dealing with it. Bombing London these days is pretty pointless, people have being doing it for decades and Londoners are as impressed by it as the goddess Kali would be by multi-tasking.

When the security guard saw the great flying cube he was dumbfounded until he realised that it really needed some help getting out and that rational part took over and he started shouting and waving in the same way he would to help someone back into a tight spot down his road. If they lived there of course, he hated all those gits who parked there and then went off to get the tube into the centre, leaving no room for residents.

Gits.

Ten minutes after the spaceship had flown into the clear blue sky, the security guard was still thinking about the gits and how to stop them parking on his road. If anyone would later ask him why he hadn't reported a space ship, he would tell them that it wasn't his concern, but street parking was.

***

It was after the horrendous feeling of going through the atmosphere that Jason asked how the ship worked, more in order to take his mind off his stomach. It's this conversation we'll be skipping and instead fill the time pointing out that physically the trip through the atmosphere isn't really a problem as nothing outside affects the inside artificial atmosphere of the ship, no g forces, no heat or cold etc. Seeing the atmosphere burning around them however had been enough to throw him into mental disarray and in that state his mind, not wishing to go through it alone, decided his stomach should join the party.

"So that's how spaceships work," Milk finished

"Well I can honestly say I wish I had never asked."

He had spent much of Milk's explanation looking around the cabin. It was very comfortable; along one wall stood a bank of electronics that were really only there in case anything went wrong.

Once upon a time you had to go down to the engines to fix it, but now you could go to this computer bank which was linked to the engines. What happens then is the same with all technology designed to make your life easier. You waste a considerable amount of time and patience trying to get it to work and when you finally do (generally by hitting it), it tells you either a/ there is no problem or b/ there is but it can't fix it. So you end up having to go down to the engine room anyway and probably banging your head on something because you are so irate. And so a five minute job takes a good half an hour due to our unfounded belief that there is a quick way to do anything. The only quick way to do anything is, in the end, the long way. Which, er, then becomes the quick way, and short cuts are the long way, which is the only way to do things quickly, and er... oh, forget it.

Anyway the rest was a bit like a car, a sort of console thing with a keypad to type in destinations and such and two lovely big chairs which had joysticks on each arm for manual driving. They also hover so you can steer the chair around the room with little direction buttons. In front of the console was a six foot gap and then a huge window-like screen of outer space. This is incredibly dull to watch and so the screens are generally fitted to be able to watch films, play games or pick up the local TV stations of various planets.

"So where are we going?" Jason asked making his chair hover to the left and then right, building up for a 360˚.

"We'll go and see a man called Eric, well Sir Eric; he'll sort you out with everything you need to know."

"How long will it take us to get there?" Jason stopped messing with his chair having only got a pathetic one hundred and twenty degrees before the chair started to smoke lightly. "In fact where is there?"

"He's in a space cruiser just outside the Milky Way."

"Of course."

"It will take us a couple of hours to get there at least, so I might as well answer any other questions you have."

"Okaaaay, hmm, let me think. So, er, Grey aliens are real, not a figment of the red neck imagination. And they took some Victorians out into space where they basically transformed the Universe into a trading network."

"That's not a question, but yes."

"But now the Universe is split and there looks like there will be a war." He stopped and then changed to: "But now the Universe is split and there looks like there will be a war?"

"Yes, it seems some of the races want more space, more control etc. Same old, same old."

"But it also has something to do with Earth," he said and then added "?".

"Yes, but I am only sketchy on such information, Sir Eric will tell us all," he stared off into space, literally. "I hope."

"So someone is off to point out to the rest of Earth that there has been intergalactic travel and trade for a long time, we just failed to notice."

"Basically."

***

That someone was Sir Jeffery and he wasn't looking forward to it. Not least because Earthens were barbaric and everyone was well aware that Sir Jeffery's welcome party may come back very dead. Americans in particular seemed to be very well refined in the shoot-now-ask-later school of thought and to land there would no doubt mean to be surrounded by armed soldiers and tanks. Then again to land anywhere they would probably be surrounded by American soldiers and tanks. Not that this was a very scary prospect, the American military were a bit crap really, no one else in the whole Universe had managed to invent 'friendly fire'; that is accidentally killing people who are on your side, certainly no one had had the gall to give it a name and pretend it was OK. No the American military weren't such a worry, but it only took one nervous young soldier to accidentally tighten his grip for the whole army to start blasting away. And that was true of anyone anywhere. No, he wouldn't feel safe again until he was back in space.

Now they sat in flying saucers at the edge of the solar system in which Earth resides; they chose the Grey's flying saucers because it is what your average Earthen expects aliens to arrive in and will somehow seem a bit more comforting to their minds. They could easily have gone down and landed undetected except for the fact that then no one would believe they were from space. No it would have to be a big entrance and so there were three ships, though only with Humans. It was decided to slowly introduce all the different new species of life to the Earthens slowly so as not to overburden them or, frankly, panic them. No one wants a panicked Earth. Generally because that would mean them launching various missiles as a way of feeling back in control.

Sir Jeffery picked up a telephone in his flying saucer and tapped in the number.

***

Chet Knowles had secretly given up any hope that aliens would get in touch. He sat by the computer desk at the radar station letting the electronic whirs and clicks wash over him. It was, he had realised, a big waste of tax payers money to build all these space things, telescopes and radars and what not, there was nothing out there. He didn't care anymore, the job paid well and all the waiting gave him plenty of time to write his own space adventure novel. He was inspired to start by Jason Wellgood's series of novels, "Adventures in Space", rubbish name, but great books, they just seemed so realistic and Chet thought if anyone did contact them, space would be very much like a Jason Wellgood novel. Little did he know that Jason based his novels on a sub-subconscious memory of his life in space and that the Universe was indeed very much like the novels Chet so enjoyed. A fact he was about to find out.

And if Chet didn't really believe aliens would contact the Earth, he certainly never expected that they would do so by the phone.

It rings.

"Hello," says Chet irritated he has had to leave the new 'Adventures in Space' book.

"Good day to you, sir, could I inquire to your name?"

"Why?"

A pause down the line. "I'm sorry, is this American humour?"

"What? Who is this?" Now Chet wanted to be more irritated, but something about the voice gave him an enormous feeling of distance. He thought he might actually vomit.

"Oh, yes, I'm terribly sorry; we're what you might call aliens."

It took them a while to verify that this phone call was actually coming from deep space, so Sir Jeffery went to play a few hands of Cannabact, keeping the phone near to him so he could hear when they shouted they were ready. He didn't mind waiting, he had expected it, and that was why they had secretly redirected the costs so that the bill would go to the President of the US. He had, however, overestimated the Earthens and lost his bet on how long it would take them by nearly a full hour.

Now he was on the phone to a Colonel Rogers who was a very brisk man, though no one quite does brisk like the Victorians so Sir Jeffery was unimpressed. It was also quite comical that someone from such a backward planet should be so sure of himself.

"Right then," the Colonel barked, "So you'll be getting here when, then?"

"Well it will take us an hour or so to get there, so whenever you are ready."

This took the Colonel by surprise; despite them coming from space it never really crossed the Colonel's mind they might be smarter than the average American, of which he really was one.

"Hour or so? Well, it will take us a few hours to get ready here, I'll need to notify the President you'll be coming, sort out where you can land; how big are your ships? How many are there?"

He was half way between in-control and completely exasperated.

"Well, I'm sure it would be better to sort that out with a representative of the Queen, no need for you to worry about it."

"You what?" the balance tipped toward exasperated.

"Well, we wish to come and see the Queen of England."

Past exasperated into confused and pressing on steadily to bewilderment. "I don't understand; why?"

"Well we're British, are we not? I thought I had briefly explained this to you."

"Well yes, but, I mean," America calls it being Gung-ho, the rest of the world calls it arrogance, either way when in crisis it kicks in and saves Americans around the world on a daily basis. "Look here, America is the leader of the free world, we are the ones who have travelled into space, we are the ones who have evolved every aspect of culture, it is us, and our President that you will need to see."

This leads to why Americans are not trusted in the Universe, it is merely a misunderstanding of semantics really. You see, the term 'the free world' suggests the rest of the world is not free and normally it is the free people who cause the others to be incarcerated. Take the Nazis and the Jews, White North Americans and African slaves, the British Raj. Frankly, the British Empire and pretty much anyone they came across. Generally if there are free people and incarcerated people it is the free who have done the incarcerating. Therefore it is considered in some parts of the Universe that the Leader of the Free World is a man of great evil. Depending on who's in office, a great number of Earthens agree.

Sir Jeffery knew the truth and felt sorry for the White House press officers. They were about to begin the biggest campaign of their life to convince the whole Universe that the President was a nice man, and let's face it there have been times when they have failed to convince just citizens of the US.

"My dear boy, take a moment to think of Farmsville, West Virginia. Famed across many galaxies as one of the finest spas in the Universe; think of how important, though, it is in terms of US politics and survival. That is how important your country is in the scheme of the Universe. In fact perhaps slightly less. We don't _need_ to see anyone, you don't have much choice. We are coming to welcome _you_ , not the other way around."

"Well why ring us in the first place?" The Colonel was affronted greatly.

"Well, like you said, you're the ones who went all the way to the moon and with all your satellites and radar, it's just polite isn't it?"

***

It was decided not to give Earth too much time to think about it and whilst Sir Jeffery and company bombed through space the Americans were desperately trying to reach everyone else in the world to let them know. The President was hastily flown to England spending a lot of time asking "Aliens?" slightly dumbfoundedly, which was precisely the same thing as the British Prime Minister was doing, just not in a plane. After a brief chat the PM and the President decided to take the press conference together, basically in case one of them became speechless at the realisation of what they were saying. While they were waiting a huge crowd of engineers, carpenters, middle men and curious people were in St James' Park setting up the welcome area where the aliens had decided to land: next to the Avenue of Trees, pretty much next to Buckingham Palace.

Basically everything stopped; really what could be so important now? Everything that Earthens had thought was so important, worth fighting and dying over in some cases, seemed very small and narrow-minded. How far would coal take you into space? Did anyone else think gold was worth anything? Did it matter what colour your skin was? Out there were completely different races. Who had invented office work and why? It was like taking the 9 year old winner of Clockhouse Junior School's sports day and putting her in the Olympics.

The Prime Minister and President came on television and told everyone around the world the news. It was decided beforehand that the PM should take the lead as the aliens were landing in his country; and so he found himself interrupting normal programming all across the world to inform people that, it would appear, Aliens were indeed approaching Earth right now and that they were coming in peace to help Earth enter into the Universal Trading Network. That they would share all their technology and that, in fact, they were descended from Humans. So, er, no need to worry, no alarm or panic, this is a great day for Earth and that the landing of the spaceships would be televised so don't leave your televisions. Which, honestly, most people weren't planning on doing even without an alien invasion.

As ever some people got it all wrong and promptly rioted and looted. Those who didn't stay with their TVs decided either that they were about to have a brand new start in space or that it was the end of the world. Either way it seemed a good reason to loot and riot. Most would be very disappointed to find that life would go on pretty much as normal for most people. The people who would be most disappointed the next day would be those who told their bosses to 'shove it' and would have to grovel they're way back.

Those who would go out into space would find it just as monotonous as an office job. Only exciting people have exciting lives; these people attract excitement and adventure, they'd even have fun in Bognor, probably meet a spy who thought Bognor was the last place the Russians would look for him; help said spy out of a fix when the Russians found them and end up sleeping with the lesbian agent in charge of torture whilst normal people would be at one of those crap discos that you find at holiday resorts (and can only be experienced and not described) trying to pull some bird wearing what appears to be merely a belt, drunk off her face on alco-pops.

***

Somewhere around Uranus [snigger], Jason and Milk passed Sir Jeffery's welcome committee and they stopped briefly to chat over the video-com.

"Well, good to see you again, Milk."

"And you, Sir Jeffery, off to welcome Earth?"

"'Fraid so," Sir Jeffery looked ashen as opposed to Milk who was full of colour now he was finally back into space.

"You're looking good, Milk."

"Erm, yeah, so are you," Milk lied.

"And well, well, Chase Darkstaar, number one rogue of the galaxy."

It took Jason a couple of moments to realise he was being addressed and then he flushed an embarrassed red.

"Er, yeah, here I am. I guess."

"Well, we shouldn't keep you; you have important work in front of you. As, unfortunately, do I."

"You'll be fine, we're a lovely bunch really," said Jason trying to be nice, the man did look awfully pale.

"We?"

"They."

"Ahh," said Sir Jeffery after a pause. "You wouldn't want to swap then, would you?"

"No," said Milk a bit too forcefully.

"No, no I guess not. Oh well, must do what one must, I guess. We didn't build an Intergalactic Empire by being afraid, did we?"

"I have no idea, but I assume not. Fear and aggression usually seem to work," replied Jason.

"Righty-o, see you both soon."

And the screen reverted to black space where they could see the three saucers hanging and then they were all on the move again.

***

Agitated crowds were gathering at the landing site in St James' Park along with a stage and the world's media. The PM was pacing by a phone on which the aliens would ring when they were nearly there. He remembered a favourite game of he and his friends; they would take a telescope to the night sky and search for planets, comets and spaceships and talk about what could be out there. Then they would draw pictures to help their stories along, envisioning aliens with two heads and trunks like elephants, aliens that breathed CO2 and urinated oxygen, sleek fast spaceships that they would travel the galaxy fighting evil aliens to rescue the princesses.

Now he really would be meeting aliens and it wasn't half as exciting as he had thought as a child. It was terrifying really; not because he was going to meet people from out of space, but because he might just cock it all up. This was easily the most important thing to happen on Earth. Ever. And it was all in his hands. Not good. Normally everything was in the President's hands and the PM just followed along; he was not the leader of the Free World, he was the Robin of the Free World, the Little John, though unless he went on a diet his wife would start thinking of him more as the Friar Tuck.

But, really, this was not what was bothering him; no, what was bothering him was the fact that he was more nervous about cocking it up than about meeting the aliens. What had he become? The child he was would have been desperately excited, but now bureaucracy weighed too heavily on him; now he realised that he had sacrificed that child to be a success, he had sacrificed excitement for bureaucracy. He had wanted power more than simple joy.

Now as the child who dreamed of meeting aliens and the man who dreamed of balancing the budget in time for the next election stood facing each other he realised that it had all been for nothing; that in the scheme of the Universe he was of very little importance even as the Prime Minister of England. That he had sacrificed a lot to get to the top only to find that it was merely a very low foothill.

***

It was a strange feeling, leaving the Milky Way for the first time, a weird plummeting in his stomach, a strange feeling of isolation and longing, though for what he was not sure. OK, leaving Earth you can understand a certain sadness, but having never been round and about in the Milky Way he didn't know why leaving it should cause him any sadness. And anyway he'd only really been there for five years, so maybe it was excitement in his stomach? The excitement of returning home at last? Hmm, that made him think. In all his thoughts he hadn't really asked Milk what to expect, what kind of culture shocks might be in store?

"Well, geezer, I haven't been in space for the last five years either, so I dunno."

He looked over at Jason; they were currently watching Earth television as Milk thought it might act as a safety blanket as they hurtled deeper into space.

"You will find a surprising lot of Earthen things; like TV," he nodded to the screen. "People in the Universe are quite taken with it, even if it is primitive."

"How so?" Jason pulled his eyes away from an American comedy about nothing.

"Well, something about Earthens, they don't really think big. This means that while other planets spent a lot of time perfecting space jumps or working out the best way to breed cattle more effective and then transport it across the galaxy, Earthens were perfecting beer. No one has better alcohol than Earth. Same for music, no one else would spend so much time working out a guitar riff, it's just not that important in the scheme of things. But then of course Earthen music got out into space and everyone realised that maybe it was worth it after all."

"You're saying we're, sorry, they're small minded?"

"In a word, yes. Think about it, the Greys came and gave Earth some of its technology for space flight, in the hopes they would evolve a bit faster. Earth is the only planet not to unify after getting into outer space. Once everyone else realised that there were thousands of other species out there they put their differences aside. Not only did Earth not do this, but the two major uses for the technology they have is war and television."

"Well," elongated Jason, "they're still going with it; it takes time to come up with such things. Er, I guess," he ended somewhat sheepishly.

"Yes, it does, but you get there a lot faster if you work together on it, if you scrap poverty and use all available brains. Think how many geniuses could be born in Africa and are never taught, never questioned, never used, because they were born into a desperately poor village."

"OK, fair point."

"So anyway, it has led to a lot of Earthen, or Earth-inspired things in space. The rest of the stuff you'll just have to pick up as we go along, I guess. Try not to stare at people who look weird to you. They're not weird they're just different. If you suggest they look weird, or look like you think it, they may very well eat you."

"Great."

"The biggest problem that we are going to have is that though you will remember no one, they will remember you, and most of them won't be your friends." Milk said to the screen trying to keep his voice casual.

"You what!?" burst Jason after a moment as it leaked into his understanding.

Milk looked at him, but tried to keep casual.

"Well you were, are, an intergalactic hitman, not everyone was happy with the people you killed being killed. Not everyone was happy that you took their money and/or wives in poker games. The InterG probably still have a warrant out for you."

"Right," he looked back at the screen and realised canned laughter was even more pathetic in space. "Sorry, InterG?"

"Intergalactic Police, like Interpol on Earth."

***

Just as Jason and Milk were getting attacked in space the telephone in St James' Park next to the Prime Minister rang. Everyone stopped. Silence slowly spread backwards through the crowd. The sharp metallic rings cut through the tension and disappeared into space.

Which was where Sir Jeffery was on the other end of the phone.

Another phone rang and a military man picked it up and listened. He put it down and told the PM and the President that NASA had three UFOs on its radars just outside Earth's atmosphere. The PM sighed and picked up the phone.

"Hello," he said glumly.

"Jolly good," Sir Jeffery replied trying to be chirpy. "Well we're here, are you chaps ready for us?"

"Yes. Yes, we are; here in St. James' Park like you said."

"Bravo, you are a fine PM and a true gentleman. Do you by any chance have cakes?"

To this the PM picked up. "Well, of course. With the tea."

"Oh, good show, good to hear you're on the ball, I certainly have missed a good cake with my tea."

"You don't have cakes in space?"

"No, not as good as Earthen cakes, they don't really put the effort in out here."

"Sounds awful."

"Oh it's not so bad; anyway soon the Universe will be delighted by Earthen cakes."

"Well you better come on down then, sir," he was rather brusque and felt in control.

"Wilco, old bean, see you in a few mo's," said Sir Jeffery feeling much better now he had connected with someone. Tea, in space as on Earth, solves everything.

***

The attack ships seemed to come out of nowhere, Jason was gently dozing whilst Milk watched channel 341 intergalactic news and was getting more than a little disturbed by it all. Seemed the Universe he was returning to was not the Universe he had left. Suddenly the warning sirens bleared their unholy wail, the screen flashed to black space and Jason fell out of his seat. As he climbed back to his seat a joypad and small screen raised out of one of the arms.

"Valkswagon! Grab the joypad, we're under attack," Milk shouted

"We're under a what?" the screen flashed red from an unknown light source and the ship shuddered.

"Oh crap," Jason grabbed the joypad and stared at it. "This is a play-station controller!"

"Complete coincidence, just happens to be the most ergonomic design so it pops up all over the place. Use the blue button to lock, the red button to shoot, green for missiles and use the shoulder buttons to cycle through the weapon emplacements," Milk said urgently.

Jason looked at his screen and then leaned forward to reposition it so that he could sit more comfortably as he played, er, shot, destroyed; whatever. You had to get the perfect position, not too comfortable, that would slow your wits; not too uncomfortable, that would distract you. You had to find the ultimate playing balance.

He started cycling through the gun emplacements, but the screen was a similar black with stars and a superimposed circular aim. As he came round to what he thought was the first emplacement again there was a small pointy craft roaring across his screen. He watched it go and only when it disappeared off the left of his screen did he snap back to what he was doing. He pressed the button and jumped one emplacement left and the screen changed just to see the craft exiting stage left. He flicked to the next gun this time to see the craft entering the right of the screen; bigger now, it looked like it was turning towards them to attack. Jason was in full gaming mode now and used the direction buttons to bring the crosshairs around to bear on the fighter and then let out a long stream of green laser.

Before the ship had fully exploded Jason was cycling through the guns placed around the ship trying to find another target; the fact that he had just killed someone did not yet cross his mind.

He shot another two, fully immersed in what he was doing. It all felt so natural.

"BAM!" shouted Milk as he destroyed a second fighter and turned to the ship radar and then sunk back. "Clear."

Jason leaned back in his own chair and let out a long breath of tension. It was then he came back to life and realised he hadn't just been playing a video game, but real life. Real life in which real people had just died. He felt sick.

"Oh. We, we just killed people."

Milk was looking down at his attack screen that now had lists of numbers scrolling over it. "Hmm?"

"We just killed people," he mumbled staring out to space where the fighters had been.

Milk detected the emotion this time and looked at his friend.

"Well," he said soothingly, or as soothingly as such a man could, "they were trying to kill us. They weren't nice people. Anyway," he continued more cheerfully, "you've killed loads of people."

"I have?" Jason said greenly.

"You're a hitman."

Jason ran for the bathroom as the bile rose.

When he came back, and really it can't be stressed how odd it is to walk over pile carpeting in space, the big screen did not show happy things.

"What's that?"

Milk didn't look at him but kept fiddling with his attack screen. "It's your welcoming committee."

"Should it be on fire?"

"No. Those fighters we blew up were Durden Raiders and they couldn't have come across space on their own; they came from a bigger ship," he pressed a few buttons on the attack screen and the camera changed to show a big sleek space ship. "There."

"And now it's attacking our welcome party?"

"Yeah. Well it's sent more fighters out anyway."

"Ok, so, why?"

"For now 'what' is a better question."

"As in 'what are we going to do?'?"

"Exactly."

***

Which was exactly what the PM was thinking as the spaceships were spotted coming into the atmosphere. There was a moment when the PM had had to make a choice, a very long time ago it was now, but he could remember it clearly. The Amusingly Named Mr. Strict was advising them on careers and what Universities to choose. The PM had been very much bent on becoming a primary school teacher, though The Amusingly Named Mr. Strict had tried to persuade him to go into politics. According to The Amusingly Named Mr. Strict the PM had a political head. And he was right to some degree, the PM really did enjoy a good debate and had much preferred Human Geography to Physical (he was the only one), but, well, he still wanted to help out all those little kids, give them a good founding for life. He liked kids, he liked their innocence and the questions they raised that adults had forgotten existed. They challenged you to think differently, see the world differently and he hoped he could challenge them never to forget those skills, never to make that hideously stupid mistake of growing up. All we do is swap our own God-given imagination, for someone else's, which they then charge for. Brilliant, that's what being mature is, is it?

Still he had never regretted his choice, not during daylight, and not very often at night. More when he first came into politics, all naive, believing what The Amusingly Named Mr. Strict had said about taking his ideals into the Commons instead of the classroom. Of course, once he became Prime Minister he realised that it had all been a lie. There was little room in politics for idealism, certainly not in Number 10. All that happened was that you inherited the last PM's mess, who in turn had inherited most of it and so on and so forth.

Now he wished he was in a classroom surrounded by seven year olds all painting pictures of welcome for the aliens.

***

Jason was wishing briefly that he was a seven year old drawing pictures of aliens instead of facing a space battle with them. He and Milk were, after all, in a flying box.

"We should have painted a target on this crate," he said testily and as he did so something washed over him, what it was he couldn't tell, but it seemed to be feelings, memories, shapes in his head. He then grabbed the controls and twisted the ship towards the big enemy ship and accelerated. Milk considered shouting at him, but saw a face he finally recognised and picked up his joypad.

"As we go over the ship load everything you have into it," Jason barked.

"What about fighters?"

"I'll take care of them."

"And fly?" Milk asked surprised.

Not surprised because he didn't believe Jason could do it, Milk knew he could do it; he just didn't expect him to be remembering so much in his first five minutes in space. Ahh well, thought Milk, he would kind of miss Jason, he was a lot nicer than Chase. Still, he'd rather have Chase in a fire fight. Jason was known as 'Gutterball' at the local bowling alley.

"Worst case scenario, I'll see you in Fiddler's Green," Chase said and Milk groaned.

The Durden fighters were engaged with the UTN Naval fighters leaving the bigger cruiser to fire on the UTN mothership. The UTN fighters were struggling to break through the line and so the big Durden ship was caught unaware by the arrival of the flying box. The gunners scrambled to fire the smaller anti-fighter guns that bristled over the hulls of all large warships and by that time Milk was laying fire into the Durden hull.

Jason skilfully avoided the fire and Milk had already aimed at the anti-fighters creating a path for them to fly along. The Durden ship was forced to launch more fighters to destroy the surprising-hard-to-kill box. As the launched fighters came over their mothership Jason shouted to keep firing onto the ship and took his joypad with one hand. Because he couldn't move the guns he was forced to turn the ship in order to get the fighters into his sights. This he did with skills that, if he had stopped to think about it, would have incrediblised him.

Yes, that's a word now.

He didn't stop to think though, he wasn't Jason, he was Chase and he spun the ship left and to the right, making Milk have to spin his guns and scroll crazily through the gun ports in order to keep a gun focussed on the mother ship.

BLAM!

One fighter went down as another sped past and turned to take them from behind. Chase spun the ship in what would be a handbrake turn and shoved the ship into reverse. The fighter dodged and dived to skip Chase's fire but the pilot was not as skilled as Chase was, even in a flying box. As the fighter skipped past lasers cutting into the ship, Chase switched gun ports and blasted him at point blank. The concussion from the explosion buffeted the ship forward of the mothership and it was this that swerved Milk's lasers straight into the front windows of the bridge.

"Up! Up!" shouted Milk and Chase pulled another turn and rocketed upwards as the whole ship began to explode internally from its wounds.

They turned towards their own waiting mothership and as Jason and Milk came up behind the Durden fighters they were caught and scattered. Something in Jason's mind told him to blast the escaping ships, but he overruled it, confused at his malicious feelings.

The UTN ship was no longer on fire, but of course nothing is ever on fire in space as there is no oxygen, on the outside at least. When lasers hit a target they briefly create the necessary triangle for fire to swell but the oxygen dissipates quickly leaving just holes. Inside with artificial atmospheres it is a different story though; easily solved by containing the area and switching off the oxygen, unless there are people trapped in there and then it's a problem that began at sea.

Another great problem with space battle is that there is no gravity so when you attack a ship unless you blow it to smithereens it just doesn't go anywhere; still the enemy mothership was going to do them no harm as they watched smaller escape ships jettisoning and flying away protected by the fighters.

Chase and Milk flew to the waiting ship. Chase with a slow strange feeling of going from being one person to another. How had he done all that stuff? He had just taken a flying box into a space battle and won. Sometimes, he mused in his comfortable daze, life was strange.

***

As the saucers slowly descended through the surprisingly blue sky, the American President was in two minds. Part of him was every bit as worried as the PM, but a larger part of him felt validated. This was what he was born to do; he had always known he would be great. And so what if it turns out that being the President of the United States wasn't as important as everyone had thought until today? Dammit, he would lead his country, his world into the Universe. Every creature in space could and would learn from the American ideal and space would be a better place.

This wasn't true of course, the peoples of Earth were going to learn a lot more from the rest of the Universe than the Universe could learn from them. Americans had a tendency to think of themselves as the best without necessarily having the facts to back it up. But it was this belief that got them so far, this stubborn belief that they had it right and that everyone else should follow their way. It was the attitude that got them from colony to superpower in a very short time; that spread American culture across the globe and afforded many Americans a nice and comfortable life. It had also led to some very nasty endeavours.

But it was this pig-headed idea, that they were the best; this can-do attitude to life; the idea that any man or woman could work their way up from the dirt and succeed, that was exactly what the Great Council of the United Trading Network were banking on in order to win the upcoming WAR. If only that attitude, an attitude perfected by the British and then swept under the carpet with memories of the Empire, still existed in space. The problem was that in some ways space had become too peaceful, to empathetic and what was needed now was heroes. And the US knew all about heroes.

The President wasn't a stupid man nor was he unfair; he knew to let the British Prime Minister, however inept he seemed to be, run the show and later he would show his hand. These Aliens appeared, somehow, to be British after all. Best to let them keep to their own until they realised who was really in charge and then his place in history would be secured. Though dammit, he preferred it when history was small and confined to one planet, he was going to have to work harder to be remembered in Universal history. But then, the President had no problem with that. He liked a good challenge and that was why he was a good President. And now he had to shepherd a whole planet, not just a country, and that seemed like a good way to start his second term.

***

In films spaceships are generally functional looking, drab, grey corridors and such. Nothing like that when Milk and Jason disembarked their box and were being led to the main conference room. The walls were a pleasantly lit peach with numerous photographic posters of beautiful places across the Universe. I mean, people have to live in these ships, sometimes for a very long stint. Who wouldn't decorate it a bit?

They had been met by a small welcoming committee in a vast hanger. All around them were a variety of small space ships with an amazing number of people scurrying around fixing stuff and doing the things that engineer's do that looks a lot like scurrying around to the mere common man.

The committee was comprised of three Humans with two armed guards. The guards were in the red tunics of the British Empire and Jason thought of the film Zulu. The group of three was led by a severe young woman in a variation of the red tunic, though wholly better looking. She was about Jason's age, which is roughly 30 (though no one on Earth knew exactly how old he was. The doctors had looked at his face and guessed) and had her blonde hair tied back in a severe ponytail and wore frameless glasses. Jason couldn't help but think that if they were in a film she would whip off those glasses while simultaneously letting her hair free just before they made passionate love.

Passionate love seemed out of the question from the off. As soon as they presented themselves she gave Jason that look that only women can do. The one that says: I-don't-like-you-I-never-will-You-and-all-your-type-disgust-me. You know what I mean, you've had it enough times in pubs. Unless you're female and then you've probably given it at some point.

As they walked the corridors she filled them in about their upcoming meeting and spent most of the walk talking to Milk about Earth. At one point Jason had tried to throw in a comment about the place, but was met with merely a glare.

Outside the conference room Milk stopped them and turned to Jason.

"Life for you, and for me, is going to get weird from now on. More for you, thankfully. What happened in the ship back there, when you became Chase again; that's going to happen more often and you need to let it."

"I'm really not sure what happened back there. Listen, you're my friend..."

"Yes, yes I am, except..."

"Except?" This was not sounding good, what Jason needed right now was a friend.

"Except I was on Earth, before Earth I was less a friend and more a helper."

"A helper?"

"Yes, linking you to those who hired you, a facilitator in many ways. But not a friend."

"Right. I wasn't a bastard was I?"

"Erm..."

"Oh."

"Are we going in or not?" asked the severe woman.

"You fancy me don't you?" asked Milk.

She turned to the door with a sigh that said she thought both Milk and Jason were adolescent. Women across the Universe have developed a secret language, managing to put thoughts and feelings about the male species of their planet into mere sighs and looks. When women roll their eyes it either means, 'oh not this topic again' or 'I can't believe he's still that childish'. When men roll their eyes it means they're getting/have gotten too drunk to see.

"I guess not," commented Jason.

"Worth a try."

"Always."

She ignored them and opened the door. The room, which she exited quickly, was modestly large and filled by a conference table with no one around it. Well, except one person, which makes that last sentence completely inaccurate. The one person at the table (which obviously still had a jug of water with six glasses in the centre, just out of reach of anyone sitting down) was Sir Eric Falstaff, an elegant grey haired man who looked like he had been starched into the chair. He wore a grey three piece suit without a tie. Which looks odd, to be honest.

They went through introductions which weren't really necessary as they had all met before. It was just Jason couldn't remember it. He hadn't changed, Sir Eric thought, five years on and the rejuvenating effects of Earth had kept him the same, if not looking younger. It was a reminder that he needed a holiday at one of the Earthen spas, perhaps a whole month. Despite a wiped memory, Darkstaar had still come back into space wearing what he always did. Jeans and the battered red leather jacket. That boded well though, it meant that his subconscious had kept memories alive somewhere. He really hoped this would all be over quickly, another Laikan War would be entirely bothersome.

After stretching over the table to shake hands they sat down, all three of them thinking about a glass of water, but none of them could be arsed to get back up in order to reach it.

"Well, er, good to see you again, Chase," Sir Eric fumbled.

"You don't seem too pleased," commented Jason.

"He wouldn't. But you'll get used to that as well," chipped in Milk. "What was with that Durden Raider ship attacking?" he asked seriously.

"A mystery," Sir Eric said equally seriously.

"But it must have something to do with Jason, er, Chase."

"I don't see how or why that could be and anyway it's not a mystery you need to solve, you know why you're here?"

"No, not really," Jason was suddenly feeling tired and not a little bored. "Something about a thing that is hidden and I know where it is."

"Something like that. Let me enlighten you..."

***

The PM's stomached clenched slowly in time with the opening of the flying saucers door; which opened just as you would expect, part of the wall swung slowly down to form an entrance/exit ramp as thousands of flashbulbs popped like a really boring fireworks display.

Sir Jeffery stood at the top just in the door with his welcome committee of three men and two women, all in red coats and black trousers, with rather fetching white shirts and blouses. They had spent quite some time deciding on hat or no hat and had gone for no hat to try and keep things less formal. Sir Jeffery looked around at his equally worried looking comrades and tried to give them a reassuring grin. It came out more like a that-was-a-bit-more-than-a-fart grimace.

'Oh well,' he thought, 'we've come all this way, might as well see it through' and so he stepped out into the light and down the ramp.

There were thirty seconds of silence and then a collective gasp from the Earthens. The thirty seconds of silence came from that brain misconception where you expect something, and something else happens, but your brain continues to tell you that what you are seeing is what you expected to see. What people expected to see was either Grey Aliens or Klingons; or maybe Romulans if you were a real fan. The collective gasp came when people realised that the things coming from the spaceship were Human. At this there was much applauding.

The PM and the President stood at the bottom of the ramp and watched the five people walk towards them. Now that they were actually there both the President and the PM felt more relaxed.

"I feel more relaxed now they're actually here," said the PM.

"Same here, you sure you can handle this? Should we have a signal if you need me to step in?"

"I'd prefer to be watching it all at home on the tele, but they asked to see the Queen so I guess it's me."

"If you're sure," more than slightly disappointedly.

Sir Jeffery et al. approached the PM and President at the bottom of the ramp and the applauding stopped. Everyone there had seen at least one movie where the aliens turn out to be less friendly at the last moment. The group reached the end of the ramp and shook hands all round. One woman gasped for no reason and then the applause was put into wild practise once again. There was a lifting of tension so great that it caused birds to fly out of the trees.

***

"So to sum up," said Jason, "you guys invented a new power source, so great as to travel into the outer reaches of space. However, having learned from nuclear power on Earth you realised that it would probably be used to create a very bad weapon. Therefore you gave all the gubbins about it to me because you knew I knew all the dark recesses of space and asked me to hide it in one."

"Yep," Milk said around a biscuit.

"And then you wiped my memory and sent me to Earth which would keep me young enough to survive a long time just in case you needed me to find it again."

"Right," Sir Eric.

"And can I only assume the reason I am here is that you need it back?"

"Sort of. You see another race have found out about the Trimedian; or more accurately they have found out about you and as the recent attack shows they know where you are."

"And who are these people?"

"Laikans, not a friendly race to anyone. They are the spawn of a dog the Russians sent into space."

"They look like Werewolves from the movies," Milk added after swallowing his mouthful of lemonade. "Kinda half man and half dog, y'know?"

"Of course. That wouldn't be strange or anything."

"Oh you're gonna see a lot stranger before we're finished, you can bet on that," Milk said and laughed. "Oh boy, you're in for a shock."

"Thanks, Milk, thanks a lot."

"Sorry, man. It'll be fun, trust me."

"What exactly will be fun in all this?" Jason asked a little crossly.

"Well," Sir Eric came back in, "you need to get out and about; you need to get your memory back. Shouldn't take too much, just needs a good jog. Plenty of wondrous things to see in the Universe. But of course, you need to avoid the Laikans at the same time," he coughed slightly embarrassedly.

"Great, is that all?"

"Well..."

"What?" he was getting more alarmed by the second.

"Well," said Milk grabbing the last biscuit, "you agreed to this job because they paid you a lot of money, but also because the amount of people who wanted to kill you for various reasons had got to the point where you couldn't get out much."

"Wonderful," he let his forehead rest on the table.

Like any good Brit, Sir Eric was more than a trifle awkward in the presence of emotion. "Er... quite," was all he said.

"How?" Jason asked from the tabletop.

"How what?" Sir Eric asked, still a touch awkward.

Jason lifted his head up.

"How am I supposed to find something I don't know anything about in a whole Universe?"

"Well, you're have Milk here."

"Listen, Jase, there's the Known Universe and the Unknown Universe, the Universe beyond the galaxies with star-gates. Then there's the Known Universe and the _known_ Universe."

"Oh, well that helps," Jason said glumly.

"We talk about galaxies, but in reality each one only has one or two inhabited solar systems and sometimes only one or two inhabited planets in each. The star-gates will take us to those."

"Yes, quite," Sir Eric took back a little composure. "So, yes it's big, but it's not _that_ big."

Jason just put his forehead back on the table.

***

Sir Jeffery insisted on being taken straight to the Queen and while such a request was not normally granted, these people had come from outer space. When someone travels over a certain distance it's hard to deny them anything. Like someone coming from Luton to Newcastle. But then you partly can't deny them out of feeling sorry that they come from Luton. And the Queen felt good for the first time in ages about meeting people. These were aliens and they wanted to see her! Her, not the President of the USA. Maybe she was still important somewhere.

When Sir Jeffery and entourage entered they bowed deeply and the Queen just felt better and better.

"You look awfully Human for aliens," she commented.

Sir Jeffery straightened. "No, ma'am, we are not aliens, we are the descendants of the British Empire who were taken into space."

"Oh really?"

"Yes, where we revolutionised the Universe as we did this fair planet." Sir Jeffery beamed.

"You mean with guns?" asked the US President who was disgruntled at having no one bow to him. That was the problem with being a president and not a monarch. A distinct lack of bowing.

"Well you're a fine one to talk," replied Sir Jeffery and the colour rose in the President's cheeks.

"Yes, well let's all be friends and get on with it," said the Queen in what can only be described as a Queen-like manner.

***

So it turns out that space is really quite, well, spacious, and there's not a lot in most of it. And it all looks the same. Chances of getting lost are high. Therefore all over space there are floating beacons that relay to a ships computer where you are and where you should be if you're not where you should be. This, even at lightspeed is still a pain, and so star-gates were created outside of all the largest galaxies. Just pop into the ship's computer where you want to go and fly through a vortex. It saves fuel and means you can get around even in smaller craft. This is what Jason and Milk were about to do.

"So where are we going again?"

"Lancaster, the nearest Human galaxy. Thought it would ease you in a bit," replied Milk as they wandered down a corridor. "The solar system of Blackpool was the first ever colonised by the Victorians."

"And where are we going now?"

"Quarters to get washed up and that. Then we better go down to the range and hope we can jog your memory with a gun."

"You what?" Jason exclaimed.

"Yeah, that came out wrong," Milk apologised. "I meant using a gun and hoping you can remember how."

"I'm kinda hoping I won't have to," Jason said.

"So am I," Milk agreed. Hope was nice.

***

Laying in a hot bath Jason thought over everything that had recently happened. Well, he tried to think about it, but it was all a bit too incredible for his mind to handle. Better, his mind assured him, just to accept it and get on with whatever he would be doing. But he tried to push against his mind, tried to remember a life beyond five years ago. He quite rightly reasoned that the faster he could remember where this Trimedian thingy was, the faster he could get it back and so cut down his chances of being dead.

But it was impossible, there were five years of memories and then just a wall, on which someone had graphitised "Chase woz 'ere". He got out of the bath and wandered into the living room in his towel. As he wandered to the bedroom there was a knock on the door.

Assuming it to be just Milk he opened the door in the towel. On the other side was not Milk, but the serious looking woman who had led them to see Sir Eric.

"Are you going to let me in?" she asked or commanded, Jason couldn't quite tell.

"Er, yeah, sorry, come in."

She did and shut the door. She looked at him seriously, he looked at her in the way a boy does showing his Dad a D graded homework. Then she simultaneously whipped off her glasses and unleashed her pony tail.

Later it would take a cleaner more than fifteen minutes to locate the towel.

So, you're probably wondering about the whole return to Queen Victoria stuff, why it never happened and indeed why it's happening now.

Well, you see most planets, when they discovered they weren't alone in the Universe, realised that bickering and warring amongst their own world was kinda pointless. Better to form a union of one race in order to face the other races out there. And you know, fighting for control of your planet seems a bit silly when there is a whole universe of peoples and planets to explore.

In fact very few of the planets were still stuck within their own stratosphere, most were flying to local moons doing a bit of trading with nearby planets etc. It was just inter-galactic travel that was touch tricky, but when the Greys came and showed them how to get further, most of them slapped their metaphorical foreheads in a wow-that's-so-obvious-why-didn't-I-think-of-it? kind of way.

I say metaphorical foreheads as a lot of them don't have foreheads, though the Adjuvitics from a galaxy simply known in English as Pug, actually do have metaphorical foreheads which they use to great skill (and annoyance of others) in football matches. It's tricky to make rules against metaphors.

Point is, they were more than happy to join the Universe and share their knowledge and culture with everyone else.

From: A Brief Guide to the Universe for Earthens

THE MEETING OF JULIANNA

"It was a pleasure meeting you, ma'am," Sir Jeffery said.

Turned out The Queen was surprisingly open minded and took it all in her stride. She also wisely decided not only to let the PM and President handle things, but also graciously pointed out that the Americans were more on the ball with both space and war and should be the ones to talk to.

Despite all the things said and thought about Americans across the Universe, Sir Jeffery found the President and all the Americans he met to be thoroughly bloody good people. Yes, they could be arrogant, but they had the will, intelligence and courage to back up their claims. These were, Sir Jeffery realised, people that the Universe could do with. A bit of pep and spirit to spice things up.

The three of them sat in Number 10 Downing Street with tea for the British and coffee for the American.

"Let's get down to business then," the President said.

"Well, quite, yes. Yes, let's," Sir Jeffery said, though he wasn't quite sure where to start.

I could tell you what Sir Jeffery said, but if you haven't got the gist yet, this book is only going to get more confusing.

"So," the President reflected, "the gist of it is that these Laikans are amassing for WAR in order to, what? Take more control for themselves?"

"Basically that seems to be the play. We don't really have any direct contact with the Laikans, so we are getting things second hand and piecing things together."

"So what needs to be the next move?" the President asked.

"Well, I guess we need to get you two and the other leaders of the world into space, have a bit of a gander."

"Space?" the PM asked palely.

"Indeed."

"Oh," the PM decided this wasn't the time to run out of the room and throw up. That didn't stop him though.

Of course before anyone could go into space, the world had to get itself together. You know you can't just join a Universe until your house is in order; you've got to make friends, you've got to put on a united front and for the governments of Earth that was no mean feat.

The fact is that if it was an easy job then they would have done it by now and they haven't. But then they were all squabbling over just one planet, now there was a whole Universe to squabble over.

It took them an hour of squabbling over the Universe before they realise that the whole thing was already sorted. They weren't going out to conquer, they weren't in any kind of position of power. They had to, if they were to get anywhere, get in on the trading. They had to put on a united front and put the Earth and it's solar system on the map as an important place. Which was difficult as they had no real idea what their solar system held, let alone the rest of the galaxy. They were happy to find out that none of the nearby solar systems held life, but unhappy to find out they were on the edge of the known Universe. That their galaxy was somewhat of a backwater.

The problem was that the leaders of countries were still small minded about the Universe and thought only in going down in Earthen history as the man or woman who led Earth into Space, without realising that history didn't matter that much anymore. Who on the small ice planet of Blimey (as in 'Blimey, it's cold here') cared who led the Earth into the Universal Trading Network? Actually, bad example, they don't care about much more than how to get warm. Anyway, it was quickly sorted out that the welcoming committee wouldn't accept much of anything if it didn't come from the Queen of England. So then it was a case of trying to point out that she didn't really do anything and was not really the person to do this kind of thing, but I am, so pick me.

Actually, Sir Jeffery was no fool and knew this, but he knew that he had to help them unify and as quickly as possible. And in doing so would have to quell arguments and fights for power. He couldn't be taking anyone into space until he knew that while key leaders were in space others would not try bids for power and generally mess things up. It was a vicious circle; they needed to be united to join the rest of the Universe, but couldn't really unite until they had seen the rest of the Universe. Make the whole thing real and also help them realise how small they were at this time.

Before anyone could go into space there needed to be communication lines set up; space-lanes that had been used by tourists needed to be upgraded; Earthens taught new technology etc. Before that could happen successfully they needed to hash out the old woes, the recriminations and generally bury all the skeletons in the closets. Bury them in the ground, not the closet. Take them out of the closet and, well, never mind. The point is you can see now why Sir Jeffery dreaded the job in the first place.

And so there were meetings in which Sir Jeffery had stated that The Queen would be in charge of bringing the Earth into the Universal Trading Network and that the President of the USA would be her chief advisor or he would take his ball and go home. They just weren't going to listen to anyone but their Sovereign and they still thought like that, did the Victorians.

So, everyone sat about drafting a peace treaty. No one was really happy about it, but all were smart enough to realise they weren't going to get what they really wanted until Earth had joined the UTN. At least half off all the World leaders there had ideas of what would come later and all of them had ideas about becoming the First President of Earth and none of them considered that they could be the First President of the Milky Way because they were all still thinking small.

So the world turned around a lot as is it's want and after the shock wore off people got on with retuning their businesses to be intergalactic. Not easy considering people didn't know what other races would need or want, which was basically not a lot from Earth. They were immensely more advanced. More ships came and spokespeople came on the television to explain a bit about the Universal Trading Network, about other planets and races and what the people of Earth could offer the rest of the Universe. The Brief Guide to the Universe for Earthens (known as GUFE) was distributed for free at all leading bookshops, or at least those countries that still had bookshops. Other ships came and unloaded new technologies and began teaching people how to use them. Oil prices hit an all-time low as new fuels and the such were introduced. The oil rich countries were none too pleased by this until they found out that to some races oil was like a very expensive fine wine. They began to buy spaceships and work out how to export and in doing so, the Arabs would be the first to join the Universal Trading Network.

***

Jason Wellgood and Milk were not on one of these planets, they were in a truck stop just inside the Lancaster galaxy. It looked much like one of those silver trailers you see in USA trailer parks, but a hell of a lot bigger. The bottom of the building was a parking area with a force field covering the open entrance/exit and keeping the air in and the rest of space out. It should be noted that this is how all hangers in all ships work, just in case you wonder later.

Jason and Milk were sitting at a table and feeling nervous. This was their first time out in five years and you never knew if or when someone was going to attack you. Well, Jason was nervous about 'if', Milk was nervous about 'when'.

Turned out he didn't have to wait long. A large, hairy, Human space trucker wandered in and sat at the counter, he ordered a Ventrwistian coffee and looked around. He looked back as his coffee was placed in front of him and then slowly, slowly turned his head back to look at Jason.

"Oh dear," stated Milk.

The trucker was walking over to them, his face disbelieving and curious at the same time.

"Chase Darkstaar," he said before punching Jason in the face.

Well not quite, Jason grabbed the large hairy trucker's large hairy fist and twisted so hard that he flipped the trucker onto his back without even getting up.

"Can I help you?" Chase asked and then sipped from his tea.

The trucker pulled himself up in front of Chase and Milk and an audience of the rest of the restaurant.

"Thought you were dead. Gonna make you wish you were," the trucker grunted.

He lunged again and found Chase's laser pistol pushing into his stomach. The trucker decided to stop lunging and eased back to a vertical position.

"So tell me," Chase said vaguely aiming his gun at the trucker, "what have I done to tick you off?"

"You don't remember?" the trucker spluttered.

"Well, I've done so much bad stuff, it's hard to keep track, you know?"

"Erm, yes. Yes, I guess it would be kinda hard."

"Indeed, but anyway I'm a new man now, a nice man. You think I'm nice don't you Milk?"

"Er... while you have a gun I'm not inclined to disagree," Milk eyed the gun nervously; he had known Darkstaar to shoot people because the conversation was boring.

"No, well, quite so. Quite so," Chase mused and turned back to the trucker. "So you see it seems foolish to have a five year old beef with a changed man, doesn't it?"

"I, er, yes, yes, I suppose you're right," the trucker eyed the gun. "I'll go back to my coffee, then. Shall I?" he almost pleaded.

"I'd get it to go if I were you," Milk commented.

"A fine idea," exclaimed Chase.

"Yes, a fine idea," the trucker stumbled.

He backed toward the counter as the waitress poured his coffee into a take away cup before making a quick exit, spilling most of his coffee down his front.

"Well that was weird," said Jason. He looked down at the gun; Milk looked at the gun and then at Jason. "Oh, right," he said and put the gun away.

"Maybe we should go."

Jason looked at the people looking at him looking at them. They seemed a trifle nervous.

"Yeah, perhaps we should," he was starting to feel nervous himself now.

***

In the dimly lit room with the pointless lighting the figures sat in silence in their dark circle.

Finally Mark, the Oncolutian, sighed and shrugged. Well, considering he had no shoulders it was more of a stretch. "So it begins, the journey will be a long one for them."

"Yes," said the Albertine, George. "How are things coming along, Hikcet?"

The Grey alien looked over at the monkey-like Albertine, who was dressed rather dandily in a blue suit and ruffled shirt. One thing about Albertines is that they have great style and fashion sense.

"Faster than we predicted, the Earthens are taking it rather well. We are about to start installing, what is to them, new technologies and schooling them on the Universe. Soon a party of my kind will go down and then we will gradually introduce other races."

"And what of the Laikans?" Hopkirk, the Enthusian in Human form asked.

Fong-gan, the octopus-like Carute spoke. "Our spies say that they continue to build up arms and seem to be having meetings with other races, there are many who are unhappy with the Universal Trading Network. They keep their cards close, but when war begins I fear others will openly join them."

"And when will Earth be ready to go to war?" Hopkirk asked.

"Not soon enough," Hikcet replied.

***

The space-lanes were being overhauled, made bigger and less secret and while they were traffic was rising along them leading to queues and delays. There was a lot of equipment to bring in in order to update all of the Earth's communications. It was made harder by having to have everything done by Humans, but there was also another issue.

You see, various people with the Universal Trading Network had tried to get Earth into space. They had prompted and suggested and left bits of tech lying around, trying to make it seem like Earthens had thought of it themselves. They had even planted the idea to reach the moon in the hope that this might spur Earth to unite, push further out and discover the UTN on their own so they didn't feel like a fat kid in gym class. They had not, however, given them the best technology, rather old stuff in fact. This was partly so the Earthens could feel like they invented stuff, but also so that Earthen radar and the like wasn't actually good enough to detect other alien craft. This meant that other races could visit Earthen spas without detection and was why spaceships were spotted regularly everywhere except on radar. This now had to be rectified without the Humans feeling too dumb. No one wanted to mention how they hadn't come up with this in the first place, and the technicians tried to be positive about Earthen technology and then suggest how to make it better. Like suggesting to a young Picasso that maybe he should paint both eyes on the face rather than one on the torso.

Once this was in place Earthens would learn something very important to the plot of this story. That they were on the very edge of the known Universe and indeed this would be why, finally, Earth had to be brought into contact with the rest of the Universe.

***

Meanwhile, having left the Lancastrian galaxy and a short shopping spree, Jason and Milk were now in the city of Columbino on the planet of Tacker in the Jincti galaxy. Tacker was an oxygen based planet which meant that it thrived. The problem for Humans in space is their insistence on oxygen. Most other races can breathe in oxygen as well as other atmospheres. Oxygen is like water, it might not be your favourite drink, but everyone can drink it.

Jason Wellgood was having his first real experience of the different races of the Universe as he and Milk walked through a bustling market. The market itself was a lot like Earthen markets, many stalls with wooden roofs lined the streets and people and shouting filled every inch. The city was filled with skyscrapers, though not in this part, but a floating skyway ran overhead leaving the market in shadow. Strange looking birds flew through the clear blue sky high above the sillily tall buildings.

All around them were Oncolutians, Tarancorts, Reutorgians, Enthusians, Albertines, Carutes flying along in their goldfish bowls, as well as Adjuvitics with their metaphorical foreheads and impressively large real foreheads that sloped up to join their completely bald, nearly perfectly round heads.

There were large vaguely man shaped creatures that reminded Jason of elephants, though they had tiny ears and their trunk-like nose only hung to their breast and was wider than a elephants, starting as it did at their cheeks. The Victorians called these Merricks as no one could pronounce their actual name.

And there were Humans, mainly Humans it being a Human galaxy, and that suited Jason as it was much easier to take in the other races if you could then have a good long stare at another Human being. It's strange to look at all these races and while thinking they look weird you realise that you are just as weird looking to them. That after five years on Earth of looking normal you are now not necessarily normal looking to most of the Universe. That you are just another race in a Universe full on them.

Milk pulled Jason through the crowds quickly in hope of not bumping into anyone who might want to kill them. And the truck stop had proven quite how likely that event would be. Already the trucker must have told at least two people that Chase Darkstaar was back, and they had probably already told two people each and so on and so on, and Milk wondered just how long such news would take to get to the wrong ears. I mean the appear-out-of-a-dark-alley-and-shoot-you kind of wrong ears. And then how much longer would it take to reach the keen ears of the Laikans? The problem with the plan, one of many really, was that when the Laikans found out Chase was out and about, and what he was doing, it could hasten the approaching WAR, add a nice dash of desperation to their efforts to take the Universe. But then, worse in Milk's mind was the fact that the Laikans would probably start a massive operation to kill Chase before they started their WAR. Valkswagon.

Milk pulled Jason down a seedy alley with, at this time of day, dark neon signs displaying their offerings. All of which appeared to offer women of whatever race floated your boat. One bar had an open door with a red velvet curtain hanging across the entrance and Milk pushed it aside and walked in thankful that Jason, being behind him, couldn't see the trepidation on his face. Then he stopped in the dark bar and turned to Jason.

"As your friend I should warn you that you will probably get slapped at least once in here," he thought for a moment, "actually so will I."

"Great, well foreknowledge, forearmed and all that. What is this place?"

He looked around; there was a dimly lit bar against the far wall and a round stage with floor to ceiling poles in the centre of the room. The rest of the room included tables and chairs on the floor and booths along the walls. Above them there was a balcony that rolled around the whole room. The air had a musk of sleaze to it.

There was no one around.

"This way," said Milk and walked towards the bar and then past it into a dark doorway. They climbed the stairs and in the gloom Milk nearly ran into a Human woman walking down them. She nearly screamed and then slapped Milk.

"Told you," he sighed.

"Who the hell are you?" she shouted angrily at them.

"It's us," Milk simply stated.

"Us? Us?" she was still angry it seemed. "Who the hell is us?"

"Why don't we go down stairs and have a drink, princess?" Jason said, though he didn't know why, or why he had called her 'princess'.

"What do you mean, 'go down...'," she abruptly stopped. "No, no it can't be, you're dead aren't you?"

"Well, I will be if I don't get one of your fine Chokdee cocktails," Jason said still not knowing why he was opening his mouth, and really wishing he wasn't. "And a Ventrwistian coffee for Milk here."

"Milk? Oh no, no it can't... yes, yes, I think I need a drink too, go downstairs," she flustered.

***

Milk and Jason sat at the newly lit bar with their drinks. The bar, as with all such bars, looked worse fully lit. The woman stood behind the bar with a short of Carute whiskey. She looked at them as they looked at her. She was tall and pale and had long thick red hair. She was beautiful, but her life read clearly in her face and her eyes had, if not a thousand yard stare, then around five hundred.

Suddenly, whip fast, she slapped Jason.

"Told you," said Milk as Jason reeled.

"How dare you come back here after all this time," she fumed.

"Well, erm, not really my fault, you see..." Milk stopped him with a kick.

"Julianna," Milk said in what he hoped was a placating voice. Not easy when you're a seven foot slab of muscle, "we need your help."

She barked a laugh.

"Now I've heard it all! The great Chase Darkstaar needs my help!"

"Listen, the last time we were in here, didn't Chase spend the evening with you?"

Julianna looked at Jason. "You don't remember?"

Jason didn't really know much about women, but he knew that if he got this answer wrong, whatever reason they were here for would be lost. She seemed a bit pert and upset in her question. 'Hmm...' Jason thought.

"How could I forget? It was with you, we hired a private room and drank and danced and talked and laughed. It was a night men take to their graves."

He waited, she didn't speak, he thought he had blown it, Milk thought he had blown it, they both tensed ready for a slap.

She laughed again. "How many times do I have to tell you your charms don't work on me, Chase?"

"So it was you?" Milk asked tentatively, he had to get this right.

"Shut up, Milk, who else here would Chase spend time with on a special occasion?"

"Special occasion?" Jason asked.

"You were off somewhere, never coming back, saying you loved me.

"Look what's going on here? You reappear after five years and you come here acting all strange and out of sorts."

"Julianna, we need you to do it again. Re-enact that night."

"We do?" asked Jason incredulously.

"Yes, we do. How much, Julianna?"

As she looked at both of them, she wondered what was going on. Chase was a mean bastard most of the time, but she had seen his good side. More than once he had saved girls here from savage punters, but now she could see a scared, bewildered side. That worried her. Whatever had happened over the last five years had taken a toll on Chase and if Chase could break, then something was very wrong. She couldn't say why, but she was scared.

"Free if you level with me," she finally said.

Milk let out a disappointed sigh. "Come on, how about we double the usual amount. Just an hour."

"No, you pay with the truth or you can leave now."

"Er, Milk, do you think we can have a word," he nodded his head over at the stage. "Just a moment, er, princess."

The walked over to the dark stage.

"What the hell is going on, Milk?"

Milk sighed and Jason noted he was doing that a lot lately.

"Actually this was your idea. After you hid the Trimedian you laid a trail of clues from the location to Earth so that if you experienced one it would jog your memory to the next. And this was the last clue, the last place we went before Earth. At least I think it was, we got pretty drunk that night."

"Man, I was pretty smart. No, wait, you're telling me that having sex with this woman is the key to opening up my memory?"

"If that's what you did, I wasn't there thankfully. But maybe not, you said that the sights, sounds, smells of this bar were unique and that the, and I quote you here, 'the time with a strong, sexual woman,' would easily jog your memory."

"Man, that sounds like sex to me. Then we need to tell her the truth?" Jason asked uneasily.

He'd always been uneasy around women, never had the right thing to say, he didn't think he could pull this off and started to hope there was another way.

"Well a version of the truth. We can't have it get out that you are not Chase Darkstaar, but a wimpier version of him."

"Thanks," things were looking grim. "But you're right, I'm not Chase, what if I can't, well, you know?"

"You were Chase in the truck stop; try to be Chase with her."

"Oh great, no look there has to be another..."

"No, there isn't. This was your plan and if you decided on it, then it must work, you were that kind of arrogant guy."

"I was a bastard, wasn't I?"

Milk looked down at his feet and then back up at his friend of five years.

"Listen, Jason, I told you that before we went to Earth we weren't really friends and that was true, but on Earth we did become friends. I know that we need to bring Darkstaar back, but I don't want to lose that friend either," he looked back down at his feet.

Jason looked at him and then over at Julianna finishing off another glass of Carute whiskey.

Taking a cue from Milk he sighed.

"Let's do this."

***

In space, it seems, everyone goes for dimly lit, as the room Jason and Julianna were in was indeed dimly lit. It was also a very tattered maroon colour by the look of things and contained a number of sofas around low tables. He thought it was probably good that it was dimly lit.

"So what do we do now?" Jason asked.

"What's going on Chase?"

"Maybe we should have a drink," he suggested and poured them both a shot.

This was weird, Chase pouring drinks for her, but then he had done it too on that last night together.

"What do you remember of me?" Jason asked pouring another drink.

"That you weren't like this. Where have you been for the last five years?"

"Answer the question, dammit," he demanded and she saw the old Chase flash across his face.

"You were a mean bastard, I guess you had to be, but you were always nice to me, well, mostly, and to the girls here. You never really talked about your work, until that last night when you told me some of your 'hits', you weren't proud, but you weren't sorry for all that you did."

"Such as?"

And she started to relate some of his life's work and through the stories and the alcohol it all started to swim back, in and out of focus.

Her cell phone turned itself on to relay the latest gossip; Jason's phone, still back on Earth, would get the information two days later and wish it had been taken into space. It kind of missed its owner.

"Can I have a cuddle?" Jason asked when she was finished and half the bottle was gone."

"You said you would tell me the truth."

He gave a big Milk-like sigh.

"I'll tell you some now, the rest later. It's complicated, but basically I lost my memory five years ago and ended up on Earth. I'm getting it back now and we're trying to do things that will jog my memory and being with you was one of the last things I did before I lost my memory, so I need to recreate that night, I guess."

He looked into her face and felt sorry that he was using her.

"I won't do it," she stated bluntly.

"What?"

"I won't do it; I won't bring Chase Darkstaar back into the Universe. I won't be responsible for the deaths you will bring."

"Oh, I'm not going back to being a Hitman, I've spent five years not being Chase Darkstaar. Anyway, I do remember things, and we have a deal and I remember you never go back on your word."

She sighed. It was contagious.

"OK, let's do this and then you tell me the rest. I know you're holding out on me."

They hit another shot and she cuddled him. She felt good in his arms, sensual, but demanding. Strong yet supple.

***

Milk sat downstairs nursing a Jonny Skyewalker whisky. He was worried. He didn't like Chase, but had grown to like Jason. Jason was his best friend and he didn't really want to lose him to Chase. But then they needed Chase to find the Trimedian. Valkswagon.

A woman walked behind the bar and poured herself some Ventrwistian coffee. She looked up at Milk and took a sip of her drink.

"Hello, Milk, long times no see. Another whisky?" she said completely unfazed by his reappearance after five years.

He looked up at her; she was short with a blonde bob that the tops of her ears stuck through. She was Elvin in her looks and completely naked.

"Hello, Lustria," he said dejectedly and she put a fresh drink in front of him.

"Why the long face?"

"Long story."

"Huh," was all she said, but kept looking at him quizzically. "Sometimes we have to do things we don't want to, to try and get to something better. Trust me, I'm a bar girl," with that she walked around the bar, squeezed his shoulder and disappeared upstairs.

***

Chase stood in his underwear with a bottle of Jonny Skyewalker whisky in his hand while Julianna sat on the sofa nursing a shot. He was still undressed so she could trace the lines of his scars, though they had healed up a lot because of the Earthen atmosphere, while they talked about the past. But now he was standing, impatient, somewhere in the last hour, in what they had done, and in the talk of life in space and the old days, he had come back.

Ahh, it felt good to be back, thought Chase, he could feel energy course through his body like he hadn't for five years. Time to drop the Indian and get back out there into the Universe, have some fun, spend some cash. And the Trimedian? Well, if they were stupid enough to entrust such a task to someone such as himself, then that was their fault.

"So what's the rest of the story?" Julianna asked.

"Forget it, it's not interesting," he said and took a swig.

"You told me you would tell me the truth, that was the deal," she retorted forcefully.

Hmm, he should kill her too, but she had always kept her word to him and he should do the same, maybe he would kill her after.

"OK, OK, I'm on a secret mission to retrieve something, what I can't tell you. I hid it five years ago and had my memory wiped and now I need to get it back so I can retrieve it."

"And is it working?"

"Oh yes, princess, oh yes, you can tell anyone you meet that Chase Darkstaar is back."

She coughed back a sob.

"I told you I didn't want to bring that bastard back."

He looked at her angrily, what a stupid weak woman. But then something tugged at his soul; he should kill her, he didn't need people knowing he was back, they might try and kill him and that would put a dampener on his fun. And yet, and yet, he couldn't do it, it wasn't right.

Damn, what was he thinking? His mind began to twirl and he rapidly dressed. He slipped the gun Milk had given him into the holster at the small of his back and thought again of using it, erasing witnesses. But again he couldn't, his mind was foggy, he couldn't think.

He stormed out and down the stairs. His mind started to clear and he again thought of getting rid of Milk and getting the hell out of Dodge.

As he entered the bar his hand slipped around to the gun, but as he began to draw he watched his friend and stopped.

Yes, his friend.

The guy who had stood by him for five years on Earth. Who had left everything to look after a man he couldn't stand. They had had some good times in those five years and now Chase could understand why Milk had been so childlike on Earth, in wonder of everything from playing the drums to roller coasters. He was a mean drummer too.

He slipped the gun back into the holster and walked forward.

"Milk."

Milk looked up. "Who am I talking to?"

"It's me, Jason," said Jason.

"So it didn't work?" Milk's face was an odd combination of disappointment and joy. A hard combo to pull off, disajoyment.

Jason joined him at the bar and sat down.

"No, it worked and I was completely Chase for a while there, but I can't shake off Jason, I've been him too long."

Milk's face shifted to just joy and then, deciding to be manlier, slipped down to just happiness.

"So what do you know?" Milk asked draining his Skyewalker.

"Two things of importance," Jason replied as Julianna walked around the bar and started making two Chokdee cocktails, "one is where our next destination is and two," he looked over at Julianna as she placed their drinks down, "is that Julianna was one of the only people I could trust."

"Indeed," said Julianna and left the room.

Milk started to say something, but Jason waved him off and the two men drank in silence until Julianna returned with a belt that also strapped across the shoulders and then crossed at the back. The belt included two holsters with pistols in them, plus spare cartridges and various small grenades. She handed them to Jason along with a bank card.

"Kerr-ching," said he.

Anyway the problem was that as they monitored Earth they began to realise that far from evolving they were becoming more and more primitive. Technology, far from stimulating them to achieve more had made them incredibly lazy. It would be later noted that Earth was the first planet to invent the sofa and that may have had a lot to do with increased laziness on the planet.

The problem with sofas is you just can't help yourself; you can't walk past a sofa without the temptation to have a nice sit down, having one of these in your house was, therefore, tantamount to 'get-up-and-go' suicide. Not that many people minded, get-up-and-goers are generally annoying and feel it is their life mission to get you off the sofa and out into the wide blue yonder. The sad irony of get-up-and-goers is that they never get up and go, thusly spoiling whatever nice sit down you might have had.

But I digress.

And so Earth was semi abandoned, no one really wanted to invite modern man into space, no more than you and I would want to invite a rabid pit-bull to our child's fifth birthday party. The only decent thing about Earth was that it seemed to be damned good for your health. Just a week on Earth could have you looking a year younger and living an extra five. No one had worked out why, but considered it was something to do with the proximity to the Sun and the other planets.

From: A Brief Guide to the Universe for Earthens

WELCOME TO SPACE (A PRETTY AVERAGE DAY IN ICTOPIA)

The Prime Minister sat in Number 10 with two Greys and the President, who wasn't really President anymore, he left the running of the country to his Vice President; who had, only weeks earlier, wished that aliens would come and take the President away and leave him in charge and was fairly astonished that it had actually happened.

The Prime Minister was equally astonished to have two aliens sitting chatting with him and, even more astonishingly, enjoying a nice cup of Earl Grey tea and some biscuits. It was hard, they told him, to get a decent HobNob in space.

"So when do we actually get into space?" asked the President.

"Soon," one Grey, Defosimo, replied. "But first two things must be done."

"Yes," continued the other Grey, Ateksos, "we must finish the space ways that will give safe passage for the increased number of ships we anticipate entering and exiting the solar system and second we must ensure that there is now peace between Earthen nations."

"And how do we expect to do that?" the PM asked. "The peace, not the space ways, I'm sure you have that in hand," he flustered on.

"Now you have Greys amongst you, working with you. This is a spectacle to Earthens and will strengthen the idea that they must unite. Over the next few days, weeks and months more races will arrive and that will continue to strengthen feelings of solidarity amongst the Earthen race," explained Defosimo.

"We hope," added Ateksos.

"You hope?" the PM asked surprised.

"Yes, we cannot predict what you will do, no one can predict such things. We wouldn't normally do such things so fast, but we are lacking in time."

"Why are we lacking in time?" the President asked.

"There are things afoot," Defosimo said simply.

"We must do all we can to make sure the Earthen leaders go the way we want them to," Ateksos said.

Fair point, thought the PM, he shouldn't have been surprised. They may be technologically advanced, but no one can make people act a certain way, he should know that as a politician.

"Don't you worry about us," pointed out the President who hadn't been surprised at all, "you keep getting us ready and we will sort out our own."

"Very good," replied Defosimo.

Of course the President hadn't been surprised, this was the moment he had been expecting, this was his chance to unite Earth and take it into Space. This was his moment in history.

Defosimo for his part was happy to have the Americans around, they were 'can do' people and would do whatever necessary to make Earth ready. They were a lot like the Victorians that had first come into space and started organising things. Making everything 'proper' they had said.

"Well now, gentlemen, we need to get ready for the United Nations. Time for you to meet the rest of the World leaders," reminded the PM and so they finished their tea and left.

***

Back in space the bar was filling up with Humans and other races that found Human girls attractive. This last segment comprised of two types, those who found Humans attractive and could have sex with them and those who found them attractive, but biologically could not. This last group were not races you wanted to talk to in such a bar as they were generally miserable, drunk and horny. Which is never a good mix. Anywhere.

Girls were up on the stage dancing in red panties and bras, though not always in bras and sometimes not in panties. Men sat around the stage ogling and drinking; which is an art. The tricky part is to be able to drink whilst not stopping ogling. Those who have yet to master the art often have to leave due to beer soaking through their shirts. These days people with an eye to turning a quick space pound have set up stalls outside girly bars, where for only a few pounds you can be mopped down, get a fresh shirt and get straight back to ogling.

***

Jason and Milk were still at the bar having moved on to Samuel Smith's bitter, a beer fine enough that the Victorians took it into space with them along with someone who knew how to brew it. It was this man, Mark Humphreys, a Yorkshire man, who founded the Great Northern Cricket Club on the planet of Wickets (just a coincidence) and made cricket the sport of choice across the Universe.

Anyway, Milk and Jason were at the bar discussing their next move. Or arguing over it; depends on your view.

"Ictopia? Ictopia?" Milk repeated angrily.

"Yep. What's the problem?"

"Oh, oh," Milk went on theatrically, "oh, only that it is one of the Universe's sleaziest hives of iniquity. Only that who knows how many people there want to kill you."

"It's been five years, Milk, five years, who's going to care? And anyway I went there five years ago and came here in one piece," he took a drink.

"And why, let me ask you, why did you choose to go there?" Milk asked, or demanded, depending on your view.

"Erm, I don't remember?"

"Oh, save us! What did you do?"

"Nothing..."

"What. Did. You. Do?"

"Well, it's hazy,"

"But?"

"But, I may have gone to settle a few scores before I left for Earth," Jason admitted.

Milk slapped his forehead, it made such a loud noise that the men at the stage jumped, looked around and then had to go out and get mopped down and buy a new shirt.

From one of the booths came a scream and indistinct angry words. It became clear from where our two heroes sat that a customer was trying to do something indecent; which is tough in a go-go bar.

"Is this where we turn over a new leaf and start doing good things?" asked Jason.

Milk looked at him, he could see glints of Chase in the eyes, but this wasn't something Chase would normally bother about, in fact it was usually Chase involved. Back in the day you had to give Chase props for making even the sleaziest or most dangerous place that bit more sleazy and/or dangerous.

Perhaps there could be a balance between Chase and Jason, and if that was true maybe they could achieve their mission and get back in one piece. Well, achieve their mission anyway.

"I would say so."

"OK, stay behind me and out of sight till I need you," then he looked Milk up and down. "Pretend to be a column or something."

"Funny."

Jason walked nonchalantly over to the booth which contained four pilots from the Universal Trading Network Navy and three girls from the bar. One pilot, a brute of a Human was currently trying to get his face into Lustria's top while she struggled and the other pilots cajoled drunkenly.

"Problems, Lustria?" Chase asked.

"Chase! Help me," she once again tried to push the man's head to an appropriate distance, which by this point would be somewhere in deep space.

The other pilots looked up at Chase and finally so did the pilot causing the chaos.

"Who the hell are you?" he asked angry at the interruption to his fun.

"Chase Wellgood or maybe Jason Darkstaar, not sure which one to go for yet. What do you think? Which is catchier?"

"What I think is that you should piss off, mate."

"Wrong answer."

"Yeah? Well there's four of us and one of you," explained another pilot.

"Oh dear," whimpered the newly released Lustria and then Milk was next to Chase cracking his muscles.

"Now the odds are against you," smiled Chase and lightning fast whipped up a bottle of Pargkat from the table and smashed it over the first pilots head. His head cracked backwards, but came back with a bloody face and an evil look.

The four pilots leapt out of the booth and onto Chase and Milk. Milk swung a ham sized fist that connected with a stomach and the pilot folded. The bloody pilot came at Chase who blocked punches and delivered a punch to the stomach and then grabbing the doubled over pilot's hair delivered a knee to his nose. The pilot went down as another punched Chase in the side and followed with one to the head. Chase staggered into the table and flashed a smile at Lustria.

The other pilot was on Milk's back trying to choke him; Milk ran backwards and slammed the pilot into the bar sending drinks flying.

And that pissed everyone off.

One patron swung at Milk as the pilot slipped to the floor. He missed and hit another customer whose buddy smashed a bottle over his head. And as bar fights go, suddenly everyone was in and swinging.

Milk fought his way through to Chase who was dodging the long, swinging arms of an Oncolutian. Milk grabbed an arm and swung the Oncolutian into the melee.

"Time to go," Milk shouted.

"Yeah, no joke."

They fought towards the door, a bottle flew through the air past Chase's head and smashed into a man's face who was about to bottle Milk. Another man took a swing at Chase, who dodged and put an elbow to the man's throat. Milk decked a man with a struggling, screaming girl over his shoulder. Chase broke a bottle of Carute whiskey and stabbed a man trying to rape one of the girls and then they were out the door and into the alley.

A car screeched to a halt at the opposite end of the alley to the market and Julianna screamed at them to jump in. Which they promptly did and the car sped off.

"Turns out nothing's changed then," she commented.

"Seems not," said Milk from the backseat massaging his hand.

"Where're we going?" asked Jason from the passenger seat.

"Space port."

"And why is there a suitcase on the seat next to me?" Milk wondered aloud.

"I'm coming with you," Julianna pointed out.

"Oh, no. No, no, no," Jason protested.

"Oh, yes. I helped you out, now help me out and get me out of that place," she spouted angrily.

"Julianna," Milk cut in, "this isn't a game; this is dangerous."

"You think my life's not been dangerous working in that place? At least this will be more fun."

"Fun? Fun? Believe me, none of this is fun," exclaimed Jason.

"Whatever. You need me, you've both been away for five years and you're not Chase Darkstaar anymore."

"OK, fair point," Jason started.

"But, no," Milk argued.

"I'm not asking, I'm telling, so shut up, the both of you."

Jason and Milk sat in silence for the rest of the journey; both men staring out the window, both thinking the same things; that this was going to be a harder mission than they at first thought. 'Valkswagon', they both thought.

***

The room was still dimly lit when the table in the middle of the council bleeped and a screen was projected above it. Hopkirk read the message.

"A convoy carrying arms to the nearest friendly galaxy to the Laikans was attacked and the arms stolen. We can only assume it was the Laikans," he stated.

"Then it has begun," Fong-gan the Carute said from his fish bowl.

The ape like Albertine, George, ran a hand down his hairy face. "They are just protecting their galaxy, stopping us arming our closest allies. Before any war begins they will want Darkstaar."

"Yes, true, they wouldn't start a war without at least knowing that we don't have the Trimedian," Mark pointed out.

"And where is our chosen hero?" asked Hikcet the Grey alien.

"That we should find out forthwith," replied Hopkirk.

***

Milk, Jason and Julianna sat in the cockpit of their ship whilst it flew out of the galaxy on autopilot.

"So fill me in," Julianna requested.

"Oh, where to start?" sighed Milk.

"Well," Jason started, "I hid this thing, it's a fuel source that can also be turned into a devastating, planet destroying weapon and then I had my memory wiped on Earth and hid there. Now there is WAR brewing and the Universal Trading Network need said fuel back safely in their hands."

"War?" Julianna was taken aback.

"WAR," stated Milk. "With the Laikans and whoever joins them."

"And if they get their hands on this fuel and turn it into a weapon?"

"Things won't be good for us," finished Jason.

Julianna went pale. Not just at the thought of war, WAR even, but at the thought that the security of the Universe was in the hands of Milk and Jason. For the first time she wished Chase was here.

She shook these thoughts away. "So now we're going to get this weapon?"

"Well, not quite," admitted Jason.

"No, oh no, it couldn't possibly be that easy, could it?" Milk sarcastically threw at Jason.

"Oh, what now?" she was exasperated already.

"Genius boy here hid it and then set himself a number of clues across the Universe to its hiding place."

"What? Why?"

"Perfectly reasonable actually," Jason retorted sharply, "it meant that if I was caught and had my memory jogged I could only take them to the bar on Columbino and if I didn't escape there I had plenty of opportunities to get back to being Chase and escaping without giving away the final location."

"Wait, that doesn't make sense. How could you make it that you would only remember one stage at a time?"

"I was Chase Darkstaar. At each stage I set myself the clue that would jog my memory and then forgot about it, wiped it away. On Earth all they really did was seal my memory, I had already forgotten everything about the Trimedian's hiding place."

"Smart arse" commented Milk.

"Wait, but what would have happened if I hadn't been at the bar?"

"Ah, well..." Milk stumbled.

"Er, yes, um," Jason added.

"It wasn't me, was it? I mean it was just the place, it could have been any girl."

"Errrr," Jason said.

"I just happened to be the first person you bumped into."

"Well... it was good fortune that it was you," Milk mumbled.

"Why, because I was the last one he spent time with? Because I was just better odds?" she asked angrily.

"No. No," Jason said, "because you're right, we do need help and we do need someone strong like you on our team."

She looked at them both and then stormed out of the room.

The two men looked at each other.

"Well, that didn't go so badly," Jason said trying to get his composure back.

"Yes, yes, could have been a lot worse," Milk tried.

***

The message sent to Milk and Jason's ship was encoded, as was the reply, but a Laikan spy still got her hands on it and a small force of Laikan assassins were dispatched to Ictopia.

***

Ships were now streaming in and out of Earth and make shift space ports were erected in every country as each frantically tried not only to build a proper space port as quickly as possible, but also tried to outdo everyone else's.

On the insistence of Defosimo and Ateksos, the first Earthen ship into space was a McVities Biscuits transport carrying HobNob and Rich Tea biscuits. As they reached the edge of the galaxy and arrived at the star-gate they found a huge sign with brightly lit letters that proclaimed:

Welcome to Space.

It's big,

You'll love it.

The governments of Earth were trying to form a one world council and in this Europe took the lead having being trying to get the European Union to do something useful for years. Again Sir Jeffery stepped in and appointed the American President as the first head with Defosimo and Ateksos as his advisors and representatives from the Universal Trading Network Council (UTNC). What was made clear was that the alien representatives had more power as the UTNC had ultimate power. Any squabbling would be sorted out by them until such a time that the Earth was fully integrated into the UTN.

The first actual Earthens to go into space would be Asians and they were hand-picked for their knowledge in all things Asian. Why you might ask, and if you don't care skip this next bit. The only Humans in space were those from the British Empire and whoever they came and took to space at a later date. Some of these 'later date' people were from Hong Kong as they were showing great economical knowledge; however these were people who lived with British culture and after enough years of breeding with other Humans there wasn't really any Asian culture in space. Those in the UTN of Asian descent were eager to bring a balance.

Arabs also were not known in space, but they decided to spread their culture as they traditionally had, in trading, and were already getting ready to start exporting oil out to those who appreciated it as the Universe's finest beverage.

As the first Asiatic Cultural Introduction Team would prepare to leave great parties were held across Asia and the leaders of the various countries met and admitted they only had so many wars because they were so alike and they were now sorry they hadn't bonded earlier. And so it was that the Asian countries were the first on Earth to truly unite in peace.

But that would come later.

***

For now, Jason, Milk and Julianna were in the grotty space port of the city of Ictopia on the planet of Shaller in the Petruthsian galaxy of Jotar. The Petruthsians were a race of slug like creatures who could raise up on their stubby tails to use a number of tentacles. They were vicious traders with a sharp eye to turning a space pound out of anything. Ictopia was a safe haven for illegal goods and illegal peoples. The Petruthsian government didn't care who you were or what you had done just as long as you were putting something into the economy.

"You ever been here?" Milk asked Julianna.

"No, a customer once wanted to bring me for a romantic holiday though."

"Here? Romantic?" Jason asked unsurprisingly surprised.

"And hence I've never been here," she looked around at the huge number of stalls, mostly trying to sell weapons with slogans such as, 'you're gonna need them here and they're cheap'.

"So where now?" asked Milk bewildered by all the seeming confusion.

"Dunno," replied Jason, "this is a new space port; I came in at the old one.

"Brilliant," said Milk.

***

It was late afternoon by the time they were sat in a taxi driven by a Petruthsian who seemed to have a wise word on everything.

"Just drive around, huh? Well, yeah, that's the best way to see a new place, get your bearings and all. Though I've always said the best way is on foot, get lost and find your way back, then you really get the feel for your surroundings. But then you wouldn't want to get lost in Ictopia would you? No, sir, I tell you that now, not a place to get lost!"

"I'm just trying to remember where something is, that's all. Been a long time since I was here last."

"Oh, been here before, huh? And you came back?" the taxi driver chuckled. "Don't get many people returning for a second visit. No, sir, don't get many people leaving so that they could return! And, and if they did leave I doubt they could return without getting their head blown off!" he paused for air. "Hey, you're not gonna get your head blown off, are you? I just got this taxi fixed up."

"You never know," Milk mumbled.

"What was that? Listen I don't want no trouble!"

"If you didn't want trouble you wouldn't be a taxi driver in Ictopia," Chase pointed out.

The taxi driver found this hysterical.

"Oh yeah, yeah," he proclaimed between fits of gurgling laughter, "wouldn't be a taxi driver in Ictopia! That's a good one, that is! I'll tell them down at the rank about that one! Oh, so I will!"

"There," Jason shouted. "Stop the cab, stop here."

The driver pulled to a sharp stop at the curb, much to the annoyance of other drivers. That's right, even in space taxi drivers are annoying.

They paid him and stood in front of a bar that seemed to be open, but looked closed.

"Here," said Jason, "I think."

"You think?" asked Julianna.

"I dunno, it's all still fuzzy, but I am definitely getting feelings from this place, I have been here."

"Well let's go in then," said Milk.

"Do we have to?" asked Jason.

"A little more Chase a little less Jason, mate."

"Right. Yeah. Oh dear."

Inside the bar was dim, dusty, grey and strangely playing ABBA's 'Knowing Me, Knowing You'. Yet there was someone behind the bar.

They didn't get too far in before the bartender spotted them and not a few steps further before he pulled out a shotgun and, considering all three ducked, sent a double laser blast into the wall. Our heroes tipped over tables and hid behind them as they heard the cocking of the shotgun. Which is pointless being a laser gun, but adds more tenseness to the situation than silence.

"No chance of a drink then?" Chase called out and another blast splintered the table he was hiding behind. He stood up with his hands raised.

"I've been waiting for this day for over five years," shouted the barman, a huge elephant-like Merrick.

Milk stood up as the barman cocked the shotgun and aimed it at Chase. He too threw up his hands in surrender.

"Wait! Wait! Before you kill him, I gotta know. What did he do this time?"

"This, this... beast took my daughters virginity!" the barman shouted and Milk sagged.

"Nice one."

"Josephina," called the barman, "Josephina! Look who's back."

The daughter in question came in from a door behind the bar and stood next to her Daddy.

"Oh," she gasped, "Chase."

Julianna jumped up, arms aloft. "Ever think everyone might be happier, and safer, if you just kept it in your pants?" she hissed quietly.

Chase shrugged.

"It's not been an issue for the last five years," he whispered out of the corner of his mouth and then put on a broad grin. "Josephina. It's been too long," he tried.

"Yes. Too long have I waited for our revenge," the barman continued to shout though everyone could hear him clearly in the deserted bar.

He took aim and would have blown Chase's head off if his daughter hadn't knocked the gun upwards leaving a hole in the ceiling.

"What are you doing?" he shouted at her even though she was right next to him.

"Daddy, I know you've been angry, but look at me. No one ever wanted to lay with me before Chase, and no one has wanted to since. I'm happy someone saw something in me enough to want to sleep with me."

"Don't talk nonsense," he continued to shout, "Any man would be lucky to get you."

"So you keep saying, but even if they did want me, they can't have me because you never think anyone is worthy and you keep me locked up here. Anyone who as so much as looks at me is kicked out."

"I'm just trying to protect you from the likes of him," he pointed the gun back at Chase.

"Look, if I may," interrupted Milk and as the gun swung in his direction he thought that maybe he didn't anymore, "I too have a daughter," Chase and Julianna turned to stare at him, "they are creatures that Fathers cannot understand, but can love. You have to let them free so that they can return to you and you can protect them, you can never cage a daughter, sir."

The barman let his gun fall limp and looked at his daughter.

"Time to go," Milk said to the other two.

"You have a daughter?" asked an astonished Julianna.

"Time to go," persisted Milk.

"You have a daughter?" asked an astonished Chase.

"I said, time to go," and he herded them outside.

***

"This going to happen much? demanded Julianna.

"I think what's more important is that Milk has a daughter," Jason returned sharply.

"I think what is important is finding out why we are here," interrupted Milk even more sharply.

"Right. Right," said Jason looking at his shoes. "Sorry about that, wrong memory I guess.

"Oh well that's great," exclaimed Julianna. "Before we go anywhere else we might get killed can you dig around in that barely functioning mind of yours?"

"Hey. Hey, calm down, we told you this wasn't a game, we told you not to come," fumed Milk.

"Wait, wait, that's it. That's it; I know where we're going. Come on, this way," and he walked off before they could argue.

***

It was in Ictopia that Jason got his first look at Laikans. The problem with the oncoming WAR was that it was oncoming, it was undeclared and so all the races that could soon be at war with each other were still happy and able to go to and fro amongst each other. This meant that if the Laikans were going to strike at Jason, and they were, they could easily do so without anyone wondering of their presence on any world.

The Laikans were, as Milk had pointed out, a lot like werewolves, they had the shape of a Human but with paws, and a dog's head with long snout and sharp teeth. And they were entirely covered in hair. Which didn't stop them dressing in clothes, I mean, you may be covered in fur, but that didn't mean you still weren't naked without clothes.

They seemed a gruff lot, but didn't seem particularly hostile in whatever business Jason was watching them partake. He was a bit scared though.

As was Milk who knew any one of these Laikans could be assassins. They weren't, the assassins hadn't arrived yet.

***

They stopped in front of a dusty looking building with a dusty looking door that read, 'Dr. Hendricks' Archaeological Services' on a dusty gold plaque.

"This is it," said Jason proudly.

"This is it?" asked Milk, "An archaeological office? How can this be it?"

"Dunno."

"Well then," interrupted Julianna, "let's go in and find out."

Which they did.

***

And now for a slight detour.

Though the Laikans, after a short war had been pushed back to the edges of the Universe and were generally not the biggest fans of the UTN, they begrudgingly accepted how things were as they controlled most of the Universe's mining. They were exceptional diggers.

There was always worry about if or when the Laikans might cause trouble and their dislike of the UTN was openly admitted.

Some Laikans, however, embraced the UTN, civilised themselves and found places in fields such as the UTN Navy or as archaeologists, in which they were viewed as the best in the Universe.

Dr. Hendricks was one of these.

***

And so our intrepid heroes found themselves in a small, dusty office filled to the brim with artefacts and books and a big desk in the middle, behind which sat the famed Laikan archaeologist, Dr. Hendricks.

"Well, well, the time has finally come, Mr. Darkstaar," he mused looking up from a book.

"After much anticipation on your behalf, no doubt."

"No doubt at all," Dr. Hendricks replied and clamped a pipe between his sharp teeth, lit it and leaned back in his creaking wooden chair.

"But you haven't made it public, have you?" asked Chase.

"No, sir, I am man of my word."

"I believe you are, sir, but now it is time. You have the key?"

Dr. Hendricks opened a deep drawer and started poking around.

"What, may I ask, the hell is going on here?" Milk asked.

"Bit of a long story, that one."

"Well give us the condensed version then," Julianna retorted.

"OK, if we skip the story of how I found the key and then found the ancient treasure store on Peskini, and skip why I didn't loot it... then I found a huge treasure store on Peskini and when it came time to hide the Trimedian it was the only place I knew of that was big enough and secret enough to hide a Vulcan," he looked at them as if to say 'is that enough for you?'

"Your ship?" Milk asked needlessly as he knew exactly what a Vulcan was.

"My ship. And then I came and found Dr. Hendricks and promised him the treasure only after I had retrieved my ship."

"Which may have been never," Julianna pointed out.

"Ahh, we had a five year limit, which is up next month," Hendricks chipped in brandishing what looked like a large stone. "Here it is; when are we going?"

"Right now," said Chase and they turned to leave as Dr. Hendricks came around from his desk and picked up a small suitcase.

"Hello, Ma'am, I don't believe we've met," he introduced as they walked out of the door.

"Sorry, yes, I'm Julianna and this big Indian is Milk."

"Hi there, you have no idea what you've got yourself into," returned Milk as he walked out of the door.

They got out of the door and into a group of Laikan assassins.

"OK, now you have some idea," Milk corrected.

"Darkstaar," said the leader.

He was a big brute wearing, as all five did, a long black trench coat and unlike the others a large eye patch.

"Hello, Trillo how's the eye?" Chase returned

"It grieves me in cold weather," he pulled a pistol and stuck it in Chase's stomach, "but now is my time of revenge," he leered.

Chase looked at his watch. "Now? Now is your time of revenge? Man, I totally forgot, sorry."

"You will mock me no longer after today, where is the Trimedian?"

"Dunno," Chase shrugged.

"No matter, as you are the only one who knows its location, I only have to kill you to stop anyone having it," Trillo grinned, he was going to enjoy this.

"Really? What about them?" Chase asked and nodded backward to his compadres.

"We will kill them too."

"Oh, now why did you have to involve us?" Milk asked exasperated.

"Didn't want you to miss all the fun," he said as he swiftly brought his arm up and knocked Trillo's gun into the air before punching him in the eye patch.

The other Laikans pulled guns as did Milk and Julianna and everyone scattered, diving behind the cover of cars and large rubbish bins, or in doorways, really behind anything that would, or looked like it would, stop a laser blast. Preferably the former.

Chase pulled out his twin pistols, leant out of the doorway to Dr. Hendricks office and fired at a Laikan behind a car, clipping him on the shoulder.

Milk fired from behind another car missing everything; the Laikans fired back from behind cars and then sprinted to the far side of the road. Julianna who was in a recessed doorway with Dr. Hendricks further down the street, shot one retreating Laikan as he crossed, but the others made it safely behind more parked cars from where they sent a volley of shots and Chase had to duck into the office to avoid the whole death thing.

He then ran out and joined Julianna and Hendricks in the relative safety of their doorway.

"I say, this is jolly fun, isn't it?" Hendricks mused wryly. "A habit of yours?"

"It's becoming that way, yes," replied Chase before he and Julianna let out a volley of shots and Milk dashed past them to a doorway further down the road. Ictopia was full of recessed doorways for exactly this reason.

People, as they did, went running to and fro screaming or lying flat on the ground. Milk shot over their heads at the Laikans as the other three ran up and joined him in his spacious doorway.

The Laikans poured back fire.

"May I suggest that, this being the doorway to the Intergalactical Hotel, Ictopia, that there would be a back entrance of some sort?"

"Good thinking, Doc. Everyone inside," Chase ordered and they bundled past the terrified, though unsurprised, doorman.

***

The Intergalatical, despite being syntaxically ignorant, was the biggest, poshest hotel chain in the Universe and even the one in Ictopia was grand. The Ictopian Intergalactical was mainly famous for the big name gangsters, thugs and thieves that had stayed there. Big Ron Ohmee, the famous Merrick crime boss, was arrested there and Arthur Oohnahneg, the Albertine bank robber was gunned down there in a long drawn out gun battle between his gang, the Albertine Suns, and the InterG. He wouldn't remember it, but Chase had assassinated Big Ron Ohmee's number one Laikan hitman not long before Big Ron was arrested. In fact it had been Chase who'd sold the information of Big Ron's whereabouts to the police. Chase himself had nearly been killed at Ictopia's Intergalactical on two separate occasions, both for the same reason of sleeping with someone big and bad's wife.

***

In the lobby Chase decided to split up.

"We should split up," he said, "Milk and I will draw them away, you and the Doc get back to the space port. If we're not there five minutes after you arrive then wait longer. If we're not there in fifteen go and get to the Vulcan. You've still got the key, Doc?"

"Right here, Chase," the doctor said far too chirpily.

"What will we do if we get to the Vulcan?" asked Julianna.

"Dunno, I'm hoping the computer will know the next step."

"This is not a good plan," Julianna attested.

"It wasn't a good plan to start with," pointed out Milk, "no one really thought it out five years ago, seems to be no need to start now."

"Right," Chase grinned, "so go, go, go."

Julianna dragged the Doctor off to find an exit and disappeared from view as the Laikan assassins, led by a very annoyed Trillo, burst in. Milk and Chase fired wildly and people screamed. A Byfrok woman's cell phone interrupted calls to spread the news.

Chase and Milk headed up the closest set of stairs that gracefully curved around behind the elevators that were at the back of the large lobby. Several shots followed them, but hit the walls as Chase and Milk disappeared.

They found themselves on a mezzanine level that had nothing but another set of plush stairs, this time going straight up to a corridor. They ran up listening to the pursuing Laikans.

"You know, if we keep going up it's just going to be tougher to get back down," Milk pointed out helpfully.

"This is an Intergalactical, they should have some transport on the roof."

"I wouldn't know with my salary."

"Is this the time?" asked Chase as Laikan shadows grew from the stairs. "In here."

They went through a set of double doors and into a large, dark auditorium filled with people. The only lighting was from the large screen at the front showing a pie chart of how much had been wasted in food transportation over the last ten years. Fun stuff.

Chase and Milk crouch walked down the dark aisle to the exit at the back which is traditionally how people escape auditoriums in films and books.

***

Meanwhile, Julianna and Dr. Hendricks had found a kitchen and a back way that is also liberally used as an escape route in books and films. Unsurprisingly it led into an alleyway. The oncoming night made the alley dark and this suited Julianna who didn't know how many other Laikans might be lurking around. They carefully edged to the street and seeing that it seemed as safe as any street in Ictopia could be at night, they joined the crowds as the first police cars pulled up.

They briskly walked along towards the space port looking for a taxi. Good luck there, this was now rush hour and every taxi that passed was full.

"We should get off the main streets, we don't know how many other Laikan assassins are around," she said.

"Not really a good idea to go off the main lit streets of Ictopia at night, my dear," suggested Hendricks.

Spying a group of Laikans in black trench coats, she pulled him down a side street.

"We may not have much choice. What's the quickest way to the space port?"

"By taxi."

"Well, okaaay," she aggrieved, "but walking, what's the fastest way?"

"Oh, well as the Centchun ballywack flies, that way," he pointed down the road and a bit to the right.

"Let's go," she dragged him on.

***

The police were outside, so far just the locals, and Trillo had a job to do. He entered the auditorium with his cronies and flicked on the lights. Down toward the stage Chase and Milk stopped mid crouch walk, 'valkswagon' they collectively thought.

The Laikans took aim and fired, but people had already got up to see what was going on and they unfortunately took the blasts. Nothing like innocent people getting shot to cause pandemonium and this seemed to most like such a good opportunity. The Laikans didn't care and started blasting people to get them out of the way and get a clear shot of Chase.

Who along with Milk got up and ran to the side of the stage and finding no door ran around the back of it. There was a door with a crush bar. A sign on the door read:

In case of fire

OR being chased by the police/InterG/hitmen/other assorted people who might be chasing you.

They hit the crush bar and bundled through into a bare corridor. At one end was a staircase, the other had a wall with another sign that read:

Well, it wouldn't be much fun if this led outside.

Would it?

"Going up then," observed Milk.

"Appears so," Chase offered as someone screamed in the auditorium and there was guttural Laikan laughter. Dangerously close. They ran up the stairs which doubled back on itself every flight. As the two pursuees rounded the corner laser blasts hit the wall where they had been. Chase leant round and sent a laser blast into the closest Laikan who folded like a bad poker hand.

***

Julianna and Dr. Hendricks were not faring well either. The space port being on the edge of the city meant that they had to go through a number of rough neighbourhoods to get there.

They didn't get far.

A group of Human youths got up from the steps leading to a tenement building and surrounded them.

"Don't do this," warned Julianna.

"Do what, honeypie?" asked one.

"Whatever it is you plan to do, don't do it, not now, not never."

"C'mon, you look stressed; well me and the boys here can help you with that, can't we boys?" he called to much laughter and hooting.

"It's the perfect couple for the doc's experiments," another youth said.

"It is that, it is that," the first one said and stepped forward. Julianna shot him in the face before another clubbed them both out cold.

***

Chase and Milk were still in the stairwell and the air was thick with laser smoke.

"As much as I'm enjoying this, I think it's time to leave the stairwell," Milk shouted over the noise of Chase firing down.

A laser beam zinged past his head and he had to agree.

"I agree."

They burst through a door and into a corridor of doors which led, undoubtedly, to rooms. They headed for the main staircase only to find more Laikans ascending it.

"Valkswagon," said Milk and they headed back to see Laikans coming out of the stairwell.

"Hang on; I reckon I've stayed here before," Chase realised. "The rooms interconnect. Quick in this one."

Milk kicked the door in and was thankful to find it empty.

Chase stopped briefly by a low table and then they scrambled through the connecting door into the next room.

The Laikans piled in, but the lead ones stopped on seeing the grenade on the table.

"Back," screamed Trillo and then dived behind a large, ornate sofa as the grenade exploded.

Chase and Milk stormed out of the other room guns blazing, taking out the few Laikans who hadn't gotten in through the door.

"Well that's that, then," mused Chase.

"Can we go to the roof now?"

"Why not?"

***

Around about the time Chase and Milk were being chased through the sky by the police, Julianna was just waking up. She groggily looked around what appeared to be an operating theatre in someone's basement.

"Ah, you've rejoined us then," commented Hendricks.

"Where are we?" she asked and tried to get up.

She failed at this usually basic task due to her arms being bound together under the operating table she was laying on. Her legs were worryingly untied

"Not too sure, myself," replied Hendricks, "better to ask these young gentlemen."

"Oh, shabbus," she groaned.

"No shabbus, lady," said a voice she couldn't see, "as the doc's not home yet, we can have a little bit of fun."

Now she knew why her legs were untied.

Four faces loomed over her and a hand ran up her leg to the hem of her, admittedly short, skirt.

"Oh yes, gonna have some fun," another youth cackled.

"Not yet," Julianna replied calmly and brought her hands up grabbing two youths and bashing their skulls together over the table. She then kicked out with both legs and caught a groin and a stomach. Two youths writhed on the floor and two were out cold.

Julianna got up and found her gun on a nearby table and stood over the bodies.

"Rape me, will you?" she asked in that calm that comes beyond anger, "Big men are you? Not so big now."

Her whole body was shaking from adrenaline and anger as she aimed her gun down at one of the boy's heads.

Hendricks coughed discreetly.

"Wouldn't mind getting me out of this chair, would you?"

She sucked in four hard breaths, her gun wavered and she forced her hand to steady. Her finger tightened on the trigger and then slowly released. She stood there looking at each of the boy's bodies before slowly looking up at Hendricks. The good Doctor was tied to a wooden chair and he smiled at her as she slowed her breathing and looked back at the four bodies. Two were writhing in pain and she quickly knocked them out with a foot.

She stood for another second, composing herself and then turned back to Hendricks.

"Yeah, of course," she went over and untied him.

"How did you escape like that?" he asked while he rubbed his wrists.

"Cortian Knot Trick™. Can we please go?"

He looked down at the bodies. "Yes, probably wise."

***

Chase and Milk had found the VIP launch. It looked like a helicopter, but without rotor blades. Instead it had two small turbines on either side of the tail to propel it forward and two short wings that contained larger turbines to get it airborne. These wings could rotate to use the turbines for further forward propulsion.

They had found it and were flying towards the space port when two similar vehicles with police markings took up the chase.

Ictopia had its fair share of skyscrapers, but not many compared to other cities, I mean you generally need big business to have skyscrapers and Ictopia just wasn't that kind of city. Most of the tall buildings were built back when some dumb people thought that Ictopia might be gentrified and Chase was trying to use these to evade the police, but there was just too much open space. The issue there being that the police had guns and the VIP launch just didn't. It was going to take some fancy flying, which luckily, Chase was adept at.

Most of the skyscrapers were clustered in one area in the middle of the city and Chase headed away from them with the police hot on his tail.

"You do realise that we are completely exposed here?" asked Milk as the Police once more threatened to shoot if they didn't land.

"It had crossed my mind," Chase replied as he began to ascend and turn.

The thing with these craft is that you can rotate the wings to have the turbines facing backward and thus giving you more speed, but at the expense of having nothing holding you up. They were made perfectly for short jumps from hotels to space ports, not for police chases.

The police were quite confused about the VIP launch's decision to turn around and come back at them, well over the top of them and they pulled as tight a turning arc as possible. Which isn't that tight, to be honest. As they were turning Chase judged he had ascended as high as he could before the police were back on them and then rotated the wing turbines. The launch rocketed forward, much to the distress of the police who had only just turned around and were far too low to pull such a stunt. They themselves rocketed up and then rotated the turbines.

The VIP launch was reaching the skyscrapers and losing altitude fast.

"Pull up, pull up," shouted Milk, the big girl.

They whizzed between the buildings, weaving left and right as the ground got closer. The police were in amongst the buildings now and far too low. One rotated its turbines; the other pushed on and went careening into the side of a building.

Just as it seemed to Milk that he could see the whites of pedestrians eyes (he couldn't, his eyes were squeezed tightly shut), Chase rotated the turbines and the launch shot upwards and out of the cluster of buildings. The police were too far away to stop them before they would reach the space port.

***

Julianna and Dr. Hendricks had left the basement and were trying to find a door out. They walked through a large room that contained great glass cases and in each was a form. Didn't really know what else to call them, you see, they were strange hybrids of races. A Human with a Merrick head, a Petruthsian with a Laikan head, a Human with a Grey's head.

"So this was the plan for us," mused Hendricks as he lit his pipe.

"It would appear so, but why are they in glass cases?"

Hendricks took a closer look. "Look, there are dates on each case."

They both looked at the cases and, yes, there were dates on each, born and died. Some a month, some a day, some only a few minutes.

"This is sick. Whoever lives here is trying to cross races," Julianna spat.

"Indeed, how interesting."

"No, not interesting, the only interesting thing is to get out of here," she stormed down the room to another door. Dr. Hendricks took another look and then followed.

***

Chase and Milk were at the space port and things didn't look good. There were a lot of police around, no doubt looking for them. They found a 'staff only' door and slipped inside.

Now space ports were two things at once; they were much like an airport for those who were taking the space liners in and out, but they were also like a large car park for those who flew themselves. Originally both ways of entering and exiting had been like a modern Earthen airport with lots of checks etc, but it was just judged as being too much work. In the end if you were on nefarious business then you wouldn't land at a space port anyway, so, for those flying themselves, there was only minor checks. It was still too many checks for Milk and Chase who would be stopped on sight, if not shot on sight.

They broke into a number of lockers before they found one that contained a janitor's uniform nearly big enough for Milk to fit into.

Julianna and Dr. Hendricks were not being looked for by the police, but when they got to the hanger they found a large group of Laikan assassins milling around their ship.

Chase and Milk ended up on the far side of the hanger having had to avoid police patrols. Luckily from where they were they could see Julianna and the Doctor. They could also see the Laikans. Considering that there were around a hundred ships in this hanger it would have been easy to sneak up to the ship, the problem was that the ship was where all the Laikans were.

In Chase's mind there was only one plan, to blast their way out. He waved at Julianna, who had spotted them, and start miming his plan. She looked at him confused and he tried again. On the third try she nodded.

"Follow my lead," Chase told Milk.

"Is your lead going towards peace and comfort or danger and being shot at?"

"Well, the second first and then the first second."

"Great."

Chase and Milk crept forward and away from their ship, before aiming up on the Laikans and taking down three with laser blasts. The others ran toward Chase and Milk and took cover to open fire. Seeing their chance Julianna sprinted to the ship pulling the Doc with her.

She unlocked the ship and they bundled in as Milk and Chase traded shots and other people took cover and were glad that for once it wasn't them in a fire fight. She started the engines and told Dr. Hendricks to strap in as she left the ship again.

Dire straits were being entered as the police poured into the hanger and there were still five Laikans between Chase, Milk and the ship. Then Julianna came out and shot two in the back. The Laikans turned in surprise and fired at Julianna, skinning her shoulder. Chase took the opportunity to leap out of cover, run up to the Laikans and shoot the remaining three from close range.

Milk ran up to him as the police opened fire.

"Valkswagon," exclaimed Chase. "Start up the ship," he shouted at Julianna and she disappeared.

Chase took aim at the police.

"Don't," cried Milk and then shot a barrel of something that thankfully went up in fire and smoke.

The smoke blanketed the police and Milk and Chase darted to the ship. They got in as the door closed and Julianna pulled the ship up, sped out of the hanger and up into the sky.

They sped through the galaxy thankful that no one seemed to follow them. No one did because, well, they seemed to have killed a number of Laikans who appeared to have killed a number of innocent people and anyway right after they left a gang war erupted in the suburbs and everyone went to deal with that and forgot about Chase and Milk. 'It was,' thought one police captain, 'shaping up to be a pretty average day in Ictopia'.

No one really knows the origins of the Laikan race, the best they can do is compare it to the story of the Albertines who came into space at roughly the same period and who people knew a whole lot more about. Although that isn't a whole lot.

Albertine folk lore says that the founders of their race came from an unpronounceable name that seems to translate as the Blue Planet of the Cage and were dragged through space to the planet they landed on by the Great Monkey Paw which is a star constellation that does look a bit like a paw. It has many names, the Humans call it 'The Dog Star's Paw' and the Carutes know it simply as 'Wibble'.

Between leaving and arriving folk lore is sketchy but does refer to the 'Three Great Helpers', Entwhistle, Paul Jones and Novoselic, though who they were or what they did is a mystery.

This all leads to a lot of speculation on both why and how they managed to evolve into Humanoid shape in such a short time. Originally people thought their appearance proved that people evolved from monkeys until it was pointed out that none of them had actually evolved into people and that a Humanoid shape was better for surviving on the planet they found themselves on. Leading to the following theories:

Theory 1: they mutated to suit their environment and did so in such a short time because away from the mysterious health benefits of Earth and their shorter life span, generations rose and fell quicker.

Theory 2: one or all of the 'Great Helpers" genetically engineered the monkeys and then they populated quicker for the same reasons as in Theory 1.

Theory 3: someone shagged a monkey. This theory is never spoken of in front of an Albertine unless you want your head ripped off and shoved up Uranus.

From: A Brief Guide to the Universe for Earthens

THE ASSASSINATION OF JIMMY JAZZ

The Prime Minister felt like a small boy again, he remembered his mother's warm hug at the school gates on his first day at Primary School, the weak September sun poking hesitantly through the drizzle as if deciding if it was really worth it. He remembered the first time his parents went away and left them with a baby sitter, telling him at the door that he was the man of the house now. He remembered the same words in his teens after his mother broke the news that his dear, life loving Father had died.

"Is he even listening?" asked the President.

"It would seem not," commented Ateksos emotionlessly.

"No, no I'm sure he is," Sir Jeffery said positively unpositive.

"Yes, no, what were you saying? Sorry," blurted the PM.

"Listen, man, while I'm away at the Council, you've been selected to take my place as head of the World Council," the President said. Again.

"Yes, right. Are you sure?"

"Nope," replied the President.

"Yes," said Sir Jeffery.

"Look you have advisors and all you have to do is keep everything together while I'm away, stop any squabbling amongst nations and help the progress of our introduction into space," the President explained and then felt sorry for the PM.

He was a good man, a moral man, one who had always backed the President in global affairs while having a certain sage wisdom. The President felt guilty that he often thought of him as an idiot savant. Now he was a man who had had the Universe dumped on his lap. He looked at Sir Jeffery and was reminded that the British had once had more balls than any modern American, but not now, not for a long time. It wasn't the PM's fault.

"We should get going," Sir Jeffery interjected into the President's thoughts.

"Right, yes, let's do it," they all walked to the door and as he got there the President turned to the PM, laid reassuring hands on his shoulders and said, "You're the man of the house now."

They left and the PM sagged a little.

"You look like you need a cup of tea," said Defosimo.

"And a nice HobNob," chirped Ateksos.

***

Sir Jeffery and the President, Andrew Forster, sat in the back of a long limousine with the rest of the original landing party.

"So, what's the first order of business?" asked the President.

Sir Jeffery let out a long breath. "Getting a good Chokdee cocktail," he replied.

"You look tired," spoke the President.

"Yes, yes, I am, it's all been quite a ride. I'll be glad to be back in space. But to answer your question you will need to acclimatise and then meet the rest of the Great Council. Take your seat with them."

"And when will I be back on Earth?"

"That, I'm afraid, is out of our hands."

"I see," said the President and took to looking out of the window, unsure when he would see his world again.

***

"That was too easy," said Julianna in the spacious cockpit, sitting behind Chase and Milk who were now flying.

"That was too easy?" asked Dr. Hendricks, sitting next to Julianna, around his pipe. "Seemed jolly tricky to me."

"Laikans were all around the ship, they would have fitted a homing device."

"Well, sorry I didn't have time to check," launched back Chase, "I was too busy saving you all."

"Saving us?" Julianna shot back, "I seem to remembering saving your arse."

"Oh really? I don't remember you getting shot at by Laikans in the Intergalactical, or drawing fire to let you get to the ship."

"Yeah, well I don't remember you getting the ship out of there, and I'll have you know that we went through some heavy shabbus getting to the space port," she shouted and then choked on a tear.

"Look," interjected Milk, "let's just say we all helped each other here. We're a team now, remember."

"Jolly good! Never been in a team before," delighted Dr. Hendricks.

Chase looked round at Julianna and saw the pain, anger, fear and sadness on her face.

"Are you OK? What happened to you?" Jason asked.

"Nothing. Nothing, I'm fine," she replied. "I'm going to the toilet."

She got up and left the cockpit.

Jason got up and followed her, much to Milk's consternation as he had to suddenly take over flying. Jason found her in the corridor.

"Wait."

"Go away," she stopped, but didn't turn around. He walked up behind her.

"What happened back in Ictopia?" he asked softly.

She whirled around on him.

"You wanna know? You wanna know, huh?" she demanded.

"Yes, yes I do," he practically whispered.

"We got caught by some youths, some youths! They tried, they, they," tears streamed down her face, "they tried to rape me," she broke up completely and Jason took her into his arms as she heaved up tears.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, Juli," he said and found deep in his soul that he meant it.

***

The make shift space port had been set up in the county of Lincolnshire, not far from Boston, as it was one of the few places that had a lot of open flat land. Lots of it. Completely flat. There'd been rolling hills there once, but they got bored and moved to the Lake District to be with friends.

It was at this space port that the President, Andrew Forster, son of a dentist from Castle Rock in Maine, wished briefly that he was leaving from the States; that his last visions of Earth were of his own country.

He thought of Maine, thought of his childhood growing up in the great outdoors, of hunting with his Pa who had died just days after he saw his son take office. Happy that he had finally made his Dad proud, even though his Dad had always been proud, just never knew how to show it; just knew how to push his son to excellence.

But then he knew that it was right to leave from England, just as his, and many other's, ancestors had left to find a new life in the Americas. That he was setting off from close to the same place as the original settlers, the Separatists, set off from. Not to discover a new country, but new worlds. Like the pioneers he would discover new sights and sounds, and he had been fated to lead his world into a new generation. Not to separate, but to join.

Yes, it was right, that like his ancestors before him, he set off from England, from Lincolnshire.

***

The ship was nearing the star-gate and Milk was plotting in the coordinates to Peskini.

"So what of this homing device?" Dr. Hendricks asked.

Jason turned in his seat. "If there is one, and Julianna is right, there almost definitely will be one, then we have to be ready for a fight on Peskini."

"More fighting? It really is a habit," remarked Hendricks.

"Got to die of something, Doc," Milk pointed out, still fiddling with the computer.

"So we get the Vulcan and then what?" asked Julianna coming back into the cockpit and sitting down.

'I bet his answer's 'dunno'' thought Milk.

"Dunno," said Jason, 'yes!' thought Milk, "I reckon I would have plotted the next move into the computer."

"If we're on a secret mission..." Julianna started.

"We're on a secret mission? How exiting," piped in Dr. Hendricks.

"...Hiding from Laikans etc, is it a good idea to fly the ship of a Universally known hitman?" she finished.

"Ahh, but you're mistaken," said Milk having finished with the computer, "the number of people who know that Chase was a hitman is surprisingly small. He wouldn't be a very good hitman if everyone knew it. No, most of the people who want to kill him do so because he was a complete git."

"I'm touched you used the past tense," grinned Jason having once again taken manual control of the ship.

"You're still a git, just in different ways," retorted Milk not looking at his grinning friend. "Very few people know that the Wild Rover is his ship, even fewer have actually seen it."

"Plus it's a big comfortable ship with some seriously heavy fire power, and I have a bad feeling that we're going to need it."

"Maybe now is time to fill me in on what's going on," suggested Dr. Hendricks as they came to the line waiting to go through the star-gate.

Even in space there are queues.

***

Trillo was not dead. He was seriously annoyed, but not dead. Having escaped the hotel he wandered through the streets of Ictopia until he found a public phone, the remains of his mobile phone were left in a gutter.

He rang a number.

"Tell me they are dead," he growled.

"Sorry, sir," came the timid reply down the phone line.

"Then tell me a homing beacon is aboard their ship."

"It is, sir, we are tracking them right now," came a voice relieved to be giving some good news, Trillo apparently had never heard the one about not shooting the messenger.

"Where are you now?"

"At the space port, we were getting ready to leave."

"Wait for me. And for shabbus sake keep tracking them," he slammed the phone down and grabbed a taxi.

"Well you look a little worse for wear," the Petruthsian driver said, "But then who doesn't in this city, huh?"

"To the space port," Trillo barked, though not literally.

"Oh, yeah, of course," he pulled into traffic, "so bad day at the office then?" he laughed at that one.

Trillo looked out of the window and quietly fumed.

"Not much of a talker, huh? Well, no I suppose it's best not to around these parts is it? Best not to ask questions, that's my motto, but I tell you I do get all sorts in this cab, but, no you're right, it's best to keep things close to your chest around here. Never know what's going to happen. The space port, huh? Heard there was some kind of shooting down there, some of Laikans got shot up."

"I'd heard," growled the Laikan assassin to the window.

"Yeah, all sorts of trouble going on, another shoot up at the Intergalactical as well, but I haven't heard much about that. Ahh, these days there's trouble everywhere and, well you know me, I don't want no trouble. Ha! Then I wouldn't be a taxi driver in Ictopia would I?" he laughed heartily to himself.

***

Leaving Earth had both elated and saddened Andrew Forster; he was excited about his new adventure, but felt a great weight of home sickness at the same time. Until he left, he had never really understood quite how much he loved his planet and with that he felt a deep guilt that he, and just about everyone else, had not done more to make it a better place to live. He had worked to keep his citizens happy and wealthy, but not all of them. He'd never worked too hard to help the poor blacks in the ghettos or the so called 'trailer trash'. It saddened him that Americans could refer to their own kinsfolk as 'trash'.

And then there was Africa with it's starving millions and there were wars, usually for money, a number of which he or his predecessors had started. And the environment was going down the toilet; people put luxury and ease before their own planet.

In the vast blackness of space, things that had seemed important no longer did and vice versa. If they had only put their planet and their race before greed, then maybe they would already be in space, already be trading amongst the stars. But Humans were so short sighted, only interested in what they could get and how soon they could get it.

And it saddened him, because now he realised just how much he loved his planet and all that it had to offer.

***

"Valkswagon," Milk muttered as they came out of the star-gate, "we're nearly out of fuel, gotta make a stop."

"Oh, well, there's a fuel stop coming up with a diner attached and, I must say, I am mightily peckish," said the good Doctor.

"Good idea, Doc, we could all do with a bit of food," said Jason taking back the controls from the computer.

"You know, I hadn't thought how hungry I am until now, too much adrenaline," added Julianna as the fuel station came into view.

Not too long after they sat at a table with Ventrwistian coffees all round, having eaten heartily.

A loud chuckle broke through their satisfied silence.

"Well, well," a deep voice rumbled, "I feel remorse so I do," a large figure pulled up a chair to the table. The chair creaked dangerously as the figure sat down.

Said figure must have been around seven feet tall and had shoulders that seemed nearly as broad. Under those shoulders were arms so muscled you would think he could lift a car. Which he could. The huge body was dapperly dressed in a three piece grey suit and above it sat an enormous round, shaved head.

"Oh dear," said Milk simply.

"Not at all, my dear boy, not at all. You see I feel remorse that I shot the man who forgot to fill up with enough fuel and made us stop at this little hole of a diner, but look at my good fortune! Chase Darkstaar, back from the dead."

"Erm," said Jason.

"Five years. Five long years, but here you are at last. What a turn up for the books, hey, Chase?"

"Yes, lovely," stumbled Jason.

That made the man laugh.

"Lovely! Lovely indeed." his large face turned serious and it seemed like the diner lights had dimmed. "Now it is time for you to pay your debt to me."

"My debt, right, yes," said Jason unaware of what this giant was talking about.

"In fact, I was on a little job here, but now you can do it for me and save me the bother. You know me, I didn't get where I am today by getting my hands dirty."

"Yeah, I know you..."

"And you were always such a vicious little Chanlukine weasel, put me to shame you did, my dear boy."

"Well, long time ago, you know," tried Jason.

"But people never change, I know I know, it was a catchphrase of yours."

"Right."

"So here's what I want you to do to clear the debt, go to the planet of Vodar, to the city of Qamps and find a mechanic by the name of Robert Johnson and make him disappear. Simple."

"And may I ask why I should do this? I don't seem to remember ever doing anything without a good reason."

"Ha. One can never tell what constitutes a good reason for you," he laid his giant hands on the table.

"Try me," replied Chase.

"Call me soft, but I love my daughter greatly and would never see anything bad happen to her, but now she has fallen in love, ha, so she says, with this mechanic. A mechanic? Not for my daughter, Darkstaar, not for my daughter. Who knows what trouble will befall her? When he disappears, I will be there to comfort her and point out what a good for nothing he really was."

"Well, fascinating as it is, I'm really busy at the moment, so maybe I could settle that debt another time, or, y'know, after five years why not just forget about it, huh? There's got to be a limit on these things, right?"

"Have you forgotten what you did to me?" the man seethed. "The debt you owe me is your life and I am giving you an easy way to pay that back."

He slammed the table and everything in a five mile radius rattled.

"Ahh, yes, _that_ debt," said Chase as it started coming back to him.

"And you don't want me hunting you down."

"No," inserted Milk, "we wouldn't want Freddy No Fingers hunting us," he jabbed Jason under the table and his eyes widened as the memories of this man came flooding back.

"Freddy, Freddy, after all this time, you still can't take a little jesting? Of course we can settle this as amicably as you say," Chase bluffed.

"So people don't change, still a vicious weasel," Freddy No Fingers stood up and his men stepped back and then circled him.

"I look forward to hearing from you," he said and the entourage swiftly departed.

Our four heroes deflated.

"Shabbus, Freddy No Fingers, I'd forgotten about him," said Jason.

"Shame he hadn't forgotten about you," Milk pointed out.

"Fate is just not on our side, is it?" asked Julianna.

"No, Chase probably pissed her off too, probably the same way he pissed off Freddy," Milk said.

"And how was that?" asked Hendricks.

"Er, I think he caught me loving one of his daughters."

"Wonderful," stated Julianna.

***

They were back in the ship flying to the planet of Vodor.

"You can't do this," said Milk.

"I have to do this, we can't have the Laikans and Freddy's gang after us," pointed out Jason.

"No, you can't do this because he was your best friend."

"What?"

"Robert Johnson, known as Jimmy Jazz? As far as someone like you could have friends, he was the best of them, you two used to pull scams together, just go out and let off steam. He's the closest thing you ever had to a brother," Milk said sternly.

"Oh," said Jason. "So Freddy wasn't letting me off that lightly."

"Nope."

"And anyway," added Julianna, "you're not Chase anymore, you don't do this anymore; you can't just go out and kill someone in cold blood."

"Best friend or not, Julianna's right, I'm not that person anymore. But fear not, my compadres," Chase grinned at them, "I have a plan..."

"Valkswagon," Milk muttered.

***

Many years ago people had tried flying cars and found them to be a complete nightmare. Not only did you have to work out where people actually flew, but also how and where to go up and down without crashing. And it was the crashing that kyboshed flying cars. Road crashes could be horrific and deadly, crashing in the sky would be a lot worse. The answer was not flying cars, but flying roads.

These skyways had uncountable jets that kept them hovering high above the buildings, the jets were powered by the friction of the cars travelling over them and when said friction lessened, such as at night, other power sources, usually solar powered, took over. It would take highly numerous numbers of these jets to fail for the road to fall and there was always a large, highly skilled group of engineers ready to fix any jet at any time. These engineers were known as the most dedicated, hardest working people in the Universe, and justly so. In their training it was beaten into them the millions of deaths that would be caused if they didn't do their job, not only to the highest calibre, but straight away.

If a road was to fall, or even part of it, the engineers would suffer a lifetime of imprisonment with their guilt. Most would go mad with it, but some would cope by becoming emotionless. These were executed immediately. Thankfully this had only happened once in history and most of the engineers went mad within a month, unfortunately of the one hundred of those who became emotionless, evil people, fifty escaped and are still the fifty most wanted people in the Universe.

***

Jason, in their hired car, felt that he should be wowed by these roads, but wasn't and knew that somewhere in his past he had travelled such roads thousands of times. They followed the directions that one of Freddy No Fingers' men had left them.

"Why, may I ask, is his name Freddy No Fingers?" asked Dr. Hendricks from the back.

As Milk was driving Jason turned around and explained. "Everyone knows he has fingers in lots of pies, but it can never be proved. As far as InterG can prove, he has no fingers in any pies."

"But no doubt a nasty piece of work if he's a friend of yours," the Doctor said conspiratorially. He was enjoying all of this.

"No, Doc, not a friend, an insane leader of one of the largest gangs in the Universe," said Jason.

"Shut up," said Milk, "he's not insane and you know it."

"True, but I've always wished that that was the reason."

"He's no more insane than you were."

"Thank you, Milk, do you think we can forget my past life?" Jason said bitterly.

Milk looked at his friend. "Sorry."

"Forget it."

"Yes, forget it, what's your plan?" asked Julianna from next to the Doctor.

"Well, he said to make this guy disappear, not to kill him," Jason winked at her and she thought how the line between Jason and Chase was continuing to blur.

***

"Do you think he will go through with it?" asked Freddy No Fingers.

"Who's to say, boss," answered one henchman.

"Well, I'm asking the damnable question so I'm the one hoping that someone could say," blew back Freddy.

"I would say he needs to be followed," said his number one, a Cantorvial.

The Cantorvial could be described as a cross between a Human and a tiger. They stood upright a lot like a Human, but their body and face was a lot like a tigers, except completely bare of fur. Their bodies were rippling with muscles and whiter than an Englishman who's spent all his time indoors. Let's just say Albinos felt rosy next to a Cantorvial. Freddy No Finger's number one wore a grey cloak with a hood that kept his face in shadow at all times.

"Yes, Cantor, I think you are right. He didn't seem," Freddy thought, "he didn't seem quite himself and, shabbus, you couldn't quite trust Darkstaar when he was feeling himself."

***

They had wound off the skyway and were on good old terra firma and heading toward the address of Robert Johnson.

"Ok, so I've been holding out, but what is your plan?" asked Julianna.

"Excited?" asked Jason.

"Excited is not the word," she replied.

"Terrified is a word," said Milk.

"Wondering where I can write a will," added in Julianna.

"Actually, Universal law accepts any wills written at time of crisis," pointed out Dr. Hendricks.

"Great," she said, "anyone got a piece of paper and a pen?" she asked.

"Well of course you would have to have someone left to attest the will, and that seems unlikely, no?" the funny Doctor said.

"Are you trying to be funny, Doc?" asked Jason.

"I thought it was a jolly good go," he replied.

"Well stick to what you're good at, huh?"

"Oh, don't be such a meany," Julianna told Jason and then told the Doctor, "I thought it was a good one, though somewhat too true for my liking."

"Can we have some faith in the back?" asked Jason testily.

"Well sorry," they gave back in unison and grinned at each other.

"The point," Jason pointed out annoyedly, "is that Freddy asked us to make him disappear, not kill him."

"You said that bit," said Milk taking a corner, "but how are we going to do it without Freddy knowing?"

"Dunno. Just take him with us?"

"Well you better get on that because here comes his garage."

They pulled up and got out. The garage was small with an open front and stuffed with a car, a 1983 black and metallic grey customized GMC van and various car fixing stuff. Protruding from under the car was a pair of denimed legs.

"We're looking for Jimmy Jazz," called Milk.

"Ain't no one by dat name here" came a voice, but Jason watched the legs tense.

"How about Robert Johnson?" asked Julianna.

Suddenly the body rolled out from under the car on a wheeled sled and the arm popped up holding a laser pistol at them. Chase was ready however and held his own pistols, one at the man's head, one at his groin.

The man lying there was black with short dreadlocks.

"Hello, Jimmy" said Chase.

"Well I be damned, Chase Darkstaar, back at last."

"Can we put the guns away?"

"Of course, mon," he slid his gun away and Chase did the same before helping his old friend up. "Didn't t'ink dis day was gonna come, I tell you. Lot's changed."

Chase looked around. "I can see."

"Yep, a diff'rent man stands before you since last we met."

"Same same, listen Jimmy, we need to talk; you're in trouble."

"Freddy No Fingers?"

"Yeah."

"OK, oh hey dere, Doc, how you bin?"

"Good thank you, Robert. I see business is ticking over."

"You know me, Doc, I gets by," Jimmy said.

"You two know each other?" asked Julianna, there was always a new twist.

"Indeed, when I come this way to catalogue the finds at Peskini, Robert comes along and looks after Jason's ship."

"Jason?" asked Jimmy.

"Robert?" asked Chase with equally raised eyebrows.

"As I say, I changed, brudder, I in love dese days, found myself a piece of Fiddler's Green."

"Which is what we need to talk about," pointed out Milk.

"Come, come, let us talk in de office."

***

As they came to the end of their explanation, Cantor and three henchmen, two Tarancort, one Merrick, walked to the end of an alleyway opposite Jimmy's garage.

"You two stay here and watch," he said to the Humans, "you go up to the roof so you can see where they go if they escape. I shall move around to the back of the garage."

With that he disappeared lightning-fast across the road.

"Merricks were not built for climbing," complained the Merrick while the others snickered.

***

"Go wit' you? No, mon, we plan to elope, so we do," Jimmy said.

"Yeah, and if we hadn't bumped into Freddy, you'd be dead already, so can we not postpone the whole elopement thing for a bit?"

"You mean you weren't on your way to see me?"

"What? Er, no."

"So I look afta your ship for five years and you weren't gonna come even t'ank me?" Jimmy asked hurt.

"Look, he had his memory wiped and it's a long story and can we go, because I bet Freddy's men are around," cut in Milk quickly.

"Real shabbus," Julianna added. "Freddy wants you to disappear, so disappear and we can find your love in a month or so. Just let Freddy think you are gone."

"She will t'ink I left her," Jimmy said gloomily.

"And imagine her surprise when you turn up again, when she finds out it was all for love," said Jason. "You can have your whole life with her in a few months or lose that life in a few hours when Freddy finds out we didn't knock you off."

"It be a fair point," conceded Jimmy.

Cantor crept away from the window and phoned his boss.

"They're not going to do it, boss, they're going to take him away with them."

"Then kill them all, you fool, why bother me with such information?" his boss came back angrily down the line.

"Yes, boss, sorry boss."

Cantor got on the radio to the other three and they all loaded up their machine guns.

"Fire on my order," whispered Cantor as he crept back and looked in the window. They were no longer in the office. "Open fire."

The five of them were back in the garage and Milk saw the henchmen first.

"Down," he shouted as rapid fire laser blasts burst into the garage.

"De van! Get in de van!" Jimmy shouted over the din.

Milk and Chase pulled out their guns and returned fire, the machine gun fire stopped and Jimmy reached up and pulled open the sliding side door of the van. The machine gun fire started up again and everyone was once again prone. Chase couldn't see where the shooting was coming from and fired wildly.

"When they reload, go," he commanded and kept firing.

The firing stopped once again and everyone jumped up and bundled into the van before Jimmy slammed the door shut as the firing recommenced.

"Guess Freddy didn't trust us after all," Chase said pushing his hair out of his face and holstering his pistols.

"A master of the obvious," pointed out Milk to a disdaining look.

Jimmy started to climb into the front seats, but Chase grabbed him.

"Oh, no you don't, you may be a gifted engineer, but you can't drive worth shabbus. I'm driving."

"Tis my van, mon."

"Valkswagon, there won't be much left of it if you drive," Chase said and pushed Jimmy over the seat into the passenger side. He then climbed over into the driver's seat.

"Where are the keys?" Chase asked searching around.

"On de workbench," Jimmy replied deflatedly.

"Valkswagon."

"I'll get them, you boys give me some covering fire," said Julianna.

Milk and Hendricks crowded behind the side door and waited for the firing to stop. As did they slid the door open and opened fire as Julianna raced out of the van. Freddy's henchmen had begun to cross the street and were caught, not only by surprise, but in the open. They dived to the floor as laser beams shot over them.

Chase, leaning out of the driver's window, spotted the Merrick on the roof getting ready to fire and started blasting that way too. Julianna was frantically searching the workbench until she found three sets of keys, scooped them all up and dashed back to the van, leaping in as the door slid shut with a bang. She gave all the keys to Jimmy who sorted them out and handed one to Chase who started the engine with a tremendous rev.

The henchmen were back on their feet just long enough to dive out of the way as the van burst out of the garage and screamed down the street.

Cantor was straight on his radio and before the van had got far a car and two motorbikes were in pursuit. Chase careened the van around a corner as people started shooting from the car and even the motorbikes were armed with submachine pistols.

Traffic was light, but people were unused to high speed driving on the terra-roads and Chase had to weave around the pootling traffic. They were even less used to high speed fire fights and one car was hit as Chase swerved around it; said car went up in flames and skidded onto the sidewalk and into the front of a shop selling fireproof furniture which promptly also went up in flames.

One of the motorbikes pulled up next to the van and steadied his gun as Chase swerved left and hit the motorbike, sending it off the road and onto the sidewalk. The car was pulling up behind the van with someone hanging out each side with machineguns.

Dr. Hendricks, looking out the small round windows in the back doors, suggested, "A bit faster might be best."

"Got it, Doc, everyone hold on," called back Chase and hit the brakes.

The car smashed into the back of the van sending the one gunman who hadn't got back in flying. Chase then hit the gas and the van flew forward and around another corner barely missing an oncoming bus.

The motorbikes were again catching and started unloading onto the van. Chase tried to ram one of them, but the bike dodged; the other bike was on the other side and Milk whipped open the side door and unloaded a laser clip into the bike. He hit the rider twice and the bike four times, the front wheel flew off and as the bike bucked forward the rider went flying through the back window of a taxi. The other bike was shooting up the side of the van and blew out Chase's window.

"We gotta get to de skyway," Jimmy helpfully pointed out.

"I'm working on it," replied Chase ducking more laser shots.

"The car is back behind us," mentioned Hendricks, "perhaps we should shoot at it."

"Good idea," said Julianna as she climbed over to the back doors.

"Hold on," shouted Chase as they hit the spiral on ramp to the skyway. Everyone went flying around the back of the van and the motorbike was forced behind the van, just in front of the car.

They hit the fast flowing traffic of the skyway amid horn blasts as Chase made his own gap in traffic. Now in the wide straight lanes the shooting could really begin and the shooters in the car leant out of windows and let rip.

Chase dodged the van in front of a large lorry.

"I'm going to open the back doors," shouted Julianna, "When I say, dodge back out in front of the car."

"Gotcha."

Milk braced himself and got ready to fire, Julianna got her gun out and leant over to the door handles.

"Ready?" she asked Milk

"Ready."

She slammed the doors open and shouted at Chase who swerved out in front of the car and Julianna and Milk unleashed a torrent of laser on the car, blowing out the front window and crucially hitting the driver.

The car swerved left and then right and then careened left hitting the high barrier with such force that it flipped completely over and crashed down through the roof of some poor sod's house.

The motorbike rider didn't like this much and came behind the van and started shooting. He razed the inside of the van before Milk could get the doors shut and collapse to the floor. The rider then came around the side to line up a shot at Jimmy in the passenger side, but as he did, Dr. Hendricks flung the side door open and shot him in the helmet with Milk's dropped gun. The biker swerved away and skidded into the central barrier, flipping himself into the lane of oncoming traffic. Amazingly he slid across all four lanes of traffic without being mowed down and hit the side barrier where he lay alive, but in all sorts of pain.

Hendricks pulled the door shut and Chase accelerated as he saw police lights appearing in the distance.

"Oh, no, no, Milk? Milk? Milk's been shot," Julianna shouted.

"Here let me look," said the Doctor.

He knelt over Milk who was laying on the floor, a small pool of blood spreading underneath him.

"We need to get him to a hospital," cried Julianna.

"No, that wouldn't be wise, would it?" asked the Doctor.

"No, it wouldn't," replied Chase slowing down, "but what can we do for him?"

"Get him back to the ship," said Hendricks poring over Milk's body

"What can we do at the ship? He needs a doctor," insisted Julianna.

"People generally believe I have my doctorate in Archaeology," explained Hendricks still pressing and poking Milk, "and I do, but I was a doctor of medicine first. The thing was that no one really wanted a Laikan for their doctor, people are prejudiced by looks, you see?" he looked up at Julianna and she nodded. "It didn't matter that I was the best in my field, no. So I started practicing in Ictopia, treating shady people who couldn't go to hospitals without questions being asked."

"So you can help him?" she asked with tear filled eyes.

"Oh yes, of course, it's not as bad as it looks, he's a big man. Just get us to the ship as quickly as possible, Mr. Darkstaar."

"Still working on it," Chase answered looking in his mirror.

The police still hadn't caught up with them. Maybe hadn't even spotted them, he hoped, as he slowed down to the speed limit so as to not attract any more attention.

About the time Chase and the gang were taking off from the space port, Trillo and a group of assassins were exiting the star-gate.

"Do we still have them?" he asked.

"Yes, sir, they are not too far ahead of us."

"What shall we do?"

"Just follow them," Trillo answered his men. "They can evade us much easier in space. We wait until they land and then take them."

He smiled to himself, he may have lost the last battle, but Chase Darkstaar's luck could not hold out forever, and when it broke Trillo would be there to administer the final laser shot. He would watch Darkstaar's eyes as the light went out of them and then he would take those eyes as a trophy.

Back on their ship and heading for Peskini, Dr. Hendricks was patching up Milk who had already recovered well due to him being one hell of a big Indian. Julianna sat next to his prone figure and mopped his brow.

Jimmy Jazz sat and moped in his chair, he was thinking of his love and how she would soon be told that he had run off without her. He had changed his ways, he had become an upstanding man, left his past behind. He sighed. But his past had caught up with him in the shape of Chase Darkstaar.

Jason himself was thinking about all that was going on as he flew the craft through black space. Not so long ago he had been an amnesiac writer and now he found that the inspiration for his writings were not imagination, but forgotten memories of a Universe he used to terrorise. Already on this crazy little adventure he had pulled a small group of people in with him and put their lives at risk by doing so. Now one was laying shot, one was heartbroken, one had nearly been raped. Only Dr. Hendricks seemed to be enjoying himself and Jason wondered if the Doc lived completely in the real world. Academics rarely do.

The immediate problem was that it was far from over, in all the tumult Jason was the only one who remembered that they hadn't had a chance to check for a tracking device on the ship. He knew that even now the Laikans were most likely following them. Would they already be in the galaxy? Was Trillo leading them? Yes, he thought, most likely; he doubted that a mere grenade would have finished off Trillo. And, of course, by now Freddy would know and be seething revenge. He was in this galaxy too, Jason remembered. Great, two people out looking for revenge in the same galaxy, it was going to get a lot worse before it got better. If it would ever get better.

He set the autopilot and swivelled in his chair. There was the Doc still bandaging Milk, who looked as pale as an Indian could, but Jason could see the strong rise and fall of his large chest and there was Julianna, her dark red hair falling over her worn face. And here was Jimmy, a forgotten best friend, who now sat glumly. Robert Johnson who had been known as Jimmy Jazz, descended from Caribbean slaves. The British had originally brought them, along with Indians, into space to continue to serve them, but then had learned about equality from the rest of the Universe and quickly let them all go their own way, equal partners in the UTN.

Chase had never had much stomach for the Caribbeans' accent, they had deliberately kept it as a way to keep their ancestry alive, to remember where they had come from and from what circumstances. Not such a bad thing to be different (considering Victorians were mostly white, English people) and bring something unique to the Universe. Indeed it was they that introduced the Universe to Bob Marley and there is now a saying that 'there are two types of peoples in the Universe, those who like Bob Marley and those who have yet to listen to him'.

"Jimmy," said Jason quietly and his friend looked over at him, "I reckon I've got a lot of explaining to do."

"I reckon so, mon."

So Jason started explaining everything.

The first thing Andrew Forster thought on entering the room was how dimly lit it was. In the centre was a circle of comfortable chairs, all but two of which were filled. Sir Jeffery led him over to one of the free chairs and sat in the other.

"Welcome back, Sir Jeffery," Hopkirk welcomed.

"Yes, welcome back," added Fong-gan from his fish bowl.

"How is Earth?" asked Mark the Oncolutian.

"We should greet our new member before continuing with business," said Hikcet, the Grey.

"Yes, of course," said Mark and extended his terrifically long arm over to Forster who shook it, "Welcome to the council, I am Mark."

"Pleasure to meet you, sir," Forster replied, "my name is Andrew Forster."

"Indeed, we all know about you, Mr. Forster, it is you who does not know us. I am Hopkirk, I am an Enthusian. We as a race have no real corporeal bodies so we chose to model ourselves on wise and stately Humans such as Aristotle and Socrates."

"And I am George, I am an Albertine. My race is descended from the rhesus monkeys your own country sent into space."

"Really?" amazed Forster. "That's incredible."

"You will find a lot of things incredible for a while. I am Fong-gan, I am a Carute. We are from the water planets of the Naam galaxy. We travel in these HoverSpheres as we cannot survive out of water."

"That's an amazing piece of engineering," Forster exclaimed, "how does it work?"

"There is much time for such answers, but for now I am Hikcet, you are no doubt familiar with my race, we are, what you call Greys."

"Yes indeed, many people have spoken of meeting your race, but no one believed them."

"Seeing is believing," spoke Hopkirk, "now let me quickly explain the machinations of this council. There is the Minor Council that has representatives from all the races in the Universal Trading Network, and every two years six of those races form the Great Council, which is what you see before you. Much is debated in the Minor Council and it is the job of the Great Council to take aboard all these arguments and then make a decision. The Great Council's word is always final."

"Sounds like a good system, but how do you ever get a decision?"

"You will find the races in space much fairer and determined to do the best for everyone than Earth's primitive councils and governments," stated Mark and that put Andrew Forster, once the most powerful man on Earth, firmly in his place.

The ship was finally approaching Peskini with Jimmy at the controls. Dr. Hendricks had gone to wash up and Julianna sat with a still prone Milk. Jason walked over and sat across Milk from her.

"How is he?" he asked looking down at the unconscious Indian.

Julianna looked up at him and swept away hair stuck to her forehead with sweat. "Much better, the Doc did a good job. I'm glad we found him."

"Same here, we can't lose the big guy."

She looked at him looking at Milk. "You really have changed, haven't you?"

"I don't know, I can't really remember who I was before I was Jason. I mean I remember things, but not fully who I was. It's just not in me anymore," he looked up at her, "to be that kind of person, to be... you know."

"A bastard?" asked Milk groggily.

"You're awake. How do you feel?" asked a pleased Julianna.

"Like I was stomped by a Krillona Ectophat," that is to say like he was stomped by a beast twice the size of an elephant with tusks in really unusual places.

"Worse than when Ruth Postlethwaite took you back to her place?" Jason asked.

"Not quite," Milk managed a weak grin.

"Yeah, though she may have been bigger than an Ectophat."

"Hey, she had a lovely personality."

Jason looked over at Julianna.

"He walked funny for a week," he grinned.

"You can talk, remember Amy Hansen?"

"Anyway," Jason said quickly, "you shouldn't talk, you should rest."

"Ha! Face that could scare a Mungrovian Scplab," Milk wheezed.

"Yes, yes, rest now," he turned to Julianna. "Delusional, probably the pain."

"Of course," Julianna replied a smile playing on her lips.

"We're nearing atmosphere," Jimmy called back and Jason got up to join him, but Milk grabbed his hand.

"Where's the Doc? I want to thank him."

"Yeah, we all do, Milk, we all do," he looked down at his friend looking up at him and they both grinned.

"They're entering Peskini atmosphere," the Laikan monitoring the tracker told.

"Peskini?" asked Trillo more to himself. "What would they want on Peskini?"

"Perhaps this is where they hid whatever it is we're trying to retrieve," one assassin suggested.

"First," pointed out Trillo in dangerous calm, "don't talk about things you know nothing about and second, the time for retrieval is over, I want Chase Darkstaar and I want him very, very dead."

Parked in the space port Jason ordered them to gather up their meagre belongings. As they did so Jason went over to Dr. Hendricks.

"Is Milk going to be able to make it, it's a fair way out of the city."

"Does he have any other option?" the Doctor asked quite rightly.

"No, he doesn't."

"Then he will have to make it. I for one have not forgotten about the tracking device, have you?"

"No I haven't," he gave the Doc's shoulder a squeeze and went to find Julianna.

***

Milk was up and moving slowly. Jimmy, having nothing with him, helped Milk pack.

"So Jason tell you the story?"

"Yes, mon, 'tis hard to believe."

"Yeah. Look, I'm sorry you've got dragged into this," Milk said as he leaned against the doorjamb.

"Ahh, life was getting a bit dull anyway," he flashed a smile at Milk as he closed the bag and shouldered it.

"So you ready for one last adventure?" Milk asked wryly.

"Adventures in space? 'Tis what we are all about, brudder," he replied with a wink.

***

Jason found Julianna finishing packing in her small room.

"Julianna," she spun around.

"Oh, sorry, a bit jumpy I guess."

"I think we all are," Jason returned. "Listen, keep on your guard, if you're right then Laikans will be following us."

"You think I'm right?"

"Yeah, I do, and we need to protect Milk. Once we get to the Vulcan things will be better. More in control."

"Then let's get this on," she said with strength she wasn't sure she had. Jason turned to leave. "Jason," he turned, "who's going to protect me?"

"I am, I got you all into this, I'll get you out again."

"And if you're busy protecting us, who's going to protect you?"

He flashed her a grin.

"Chase Darkstaar."

***

Peskini was, to be sure, an odd planet. Half of it was desert, the other half water dotted with tropical islands. This lead to two distinct peoples, the desert folk and the islanders. The islanders grew fruit and vegetables while the desert nomads herded longgots.

The longgot is a bit like a cow, but with big ears that protrude straight up and look a lot like umbrellas. It also has a long snout that reaches to the ground. This snout is used to hoover up sand, from which the longgot extracts the small animals that live in the desert. The sand is then mostly excreted, but some gets stuck and gradually forms pearls in the longgots stomach that it then also excretes. The nomads trade longgot meat and pearls with the islanders for fruit and vegetables. The islanders then trade the pearls for electronics and luxuries.

The space port was in the City of Newd in the desert on the edge of the sea. It was a city that had grown up around the space port and really only served tourists who were either off to the islands or to one of the desert hotels and casinos.

In a diner near the space port they ate fine longgot burgers (the meat really is delicious). Milk ate a healthy meal and though still weak, seemed much better to all of them. Honestly he really was ace at hiding the pain.

As Hendricks and Jimmy came out here fairly often they knew where to hire a vehicle to take them out into the desert and to the ruins.

While they walked, Jason, who hadn't been on holiday in a long time remembered how much he hated tourists, the whole city was bustling with rude, loudly clothed tourists from seemingly every race in the galaxy. On their way to the vehicle rental they stopped at a street vendor and bought hats and sunglasses and Hendricks said hello to a few people he knew.

"Hello, Doc, Robert, back again so soon," said the Petruthsian who ran the vehicle rental. "Must have found something mighty interesting out at the ruins to come back again, what? A month later? Bet it's treasure, I do! I do, I do."

"Good morrow, Bletch. No treasure, I'm afraid, just bringing my friends to see the ruins," Dr. Hendricks small talked.

"Well, nice to meet you all, I'd shake hands, but I don't have any, do I?" he guffawed to himself, "Welcome to Peskini, first time? I say, is your friend alright? He looks mighty pale."

"He's fine, just a bit of travel sickness," replied the Doctor.

"Oh, yes, happens to the best of us, doesn't it? Well, not me, I haven't been out travelling for years. That's the thing about working on a tourist planet, everyone's on holiday, but you! Personally I'd love to go and see the Chonce fish of Cannae, or maybe visit the Aurora Borealis spa on Earth, put a few more years on my life. But then that would be a few more years renting cars wouldn't it?"

"I'm sorry," Julianna put in as the Petruthsian took a breath, "but our friend is quite ill, can we get a vehicle?"

"Yes, of course, same as usual, Doc?"

"That would be fine."

The Petruthsian led them out of the little office and past assorted vehicles to a large tracked vehicle. It had high suspension over the two tracks either side and was basically a big cigar shape. This Jimmy explained helped it to roll and right itself if it tumbled down a sand dune.

With the money sorted and the Petruthsian still talking about holidays and putting two children through university the motley crew drove off.

"Hmm, guess they don't have children, well I wouldn't mind children with that woman. Now, Bletch, don't even think such things, what would happen if the missus found you thinking such things? Nothing good, nothing good," he said to himself as he slithered back to the office.

***

Trillo sat in the very same diner, in the very same seat that Jason had occupied not so long ago. He had radioed ahead and had a Cantorvial watch the space port and follow Chase and the rest. It was with this Cantorvial, Resker, that Trillo now sat.

"Into the desert you say? Well how is that worth my money? It covers damn well half the planet," Trillo said gritting his pointy teeth.

"Watch your language, you're not talking to one of your doggy henchmen," rasped the behooded Resker.

"And you'll not get paid unless I get some information that shows you actually earned it; didn't just take a fifty-fifty."

"Their direction suggests either the Ruins of Rarbar or the Sandstorm Casino. The Petruthsian who rented them a sandcruiser seemed to know the Laikan quite well, he will know where exactly they went," a Ventrwistian coffee went into the darkness of the hood and Trillo could hear, but not see Resker slurp it down.

It wasn't long before one of Trillo's assassins was hanging Bletch upside down.

"Now tell me where they went," Trillo ordered holding a pair of large wire cutters.

"Well, how should I know?" a terrified Bletch pleaded. "They just rented a sandcruiser, I guess the desert."

"You want to be a funny slug?"

"I'm not a slug," he still managed to find some indignation.

"I'm going to cut off a tentacle now," Trillo pointed out in that dangerous calm of his and lifted the wire cutters.

"No! No! OK, OK, they went to the Ruins of Rarbar, the Doc was just taking his friends to see it. Lovely people, the woman was mighty attractive I can tell you, though don't tell my wife I said that," Bletch burbled. The henchman dropped him to the floor.

The same kind of theorising could explain the rise of the Laikans, but that is where similarities end. Whilst the Albertines welcomed the UTN and quickly were regarded as the great philosophers and fashion designers of the Universe, the Laikans were a much more feral race and chaffed at the collar of the UTN's rules and regulations. Eventually they started the First Laikan War with a few other races.

The war was short and the Laikans were pushed back to the edge of the Universe where they promptly conquered most of the surrounding galaxies before peace was negotiated.

The problem was that most of the Universe was peace loving and the Laikans weren't really and no one wanted to have to deal with them. They were also the best miners and excavators in the Universe and so in the peace agreement it was decided that the Laikans could keep the conquered galaxies if they rejoined the Universal Trading Network as miners.

And although many Laikans became very wealthy from the mining, they felt that however much they prospered, the UTN prospered more off the back of their hard and dangerous work. They also didn't like being stuck at the edge of the Universe, a place they felt they had been forced into.

From: A Brief Guide to the Universe for Earthens

THE WILD ROVER

The ruins were impressive, tumbled down from centuries of standing; there were stone hewn arches and two magnificent pyramids. Stone houses still tried to stand, or parts of them, numerous more foundations had been uncovered. There was an obelisk that had broken in half; half still pointing to the heavens, half lying on the ground defeated by age and gravity.

The area was large, what must have been a once important city and it was filled with tourists who were a constant annoyance to the archaeologists who still worked there. Said archaeologists recognised Dr. Hendricks as he used to be the site leader, but had given it over to others while he wrote books about the ruined city. He had, indeed, left his masterpiece, a work of many years, back at his office when he had joined Jason's group.

Despite the urgency of their mission, Hendricks was compelled by the site leaders to come and look at what had been uncovered. He couldn't help it, he became contagiously involved with their enthusiasm and the rest were dragged around the site after him. All except Milk who sat in the shadow of a stepped pyramid.

It was, to be honest, a welcome relief to the group, a distraction and they got caught up in the discovery of what appeared to be a major meeting hall. It had no walls; the roof seemed to be held up with columns, many of which lay broken and scattered while the roof itself was yet to be discovered. Many of the junior archaeologists wanted Dr. Hendrick's views on this.

"Perhaps it was stolen," suggested Jason.

"No, no, it would have been too big and heavy to be stolen, dear boy," pointed out Hendricks.

"Could it have been blasted?" asked Jimmy.

"No, this civilisation died long before lasers," Hendricks schooled. "Come look at this."

They jumped in a jeep, Milk totally forgotten, and sped across the sands to a nearby rock formation. It was a good twenty metres high at its peak and was abundant with caves.

"This is a rare example of harder rock on this planet, it has eroded slower than what is around it. We can only guess at its height at the time of this civilisation, but believe it would still have been like this, a rock outcropping at the time people lived here," Hendricks explained after they were out of the jeep. "But come and look at this."

They walked into one of the lower caves and Hendricks took a light off of one of the archaeologists and shined it across the walls. There they could all see paintings of trees, plants, animals and people hunting.

"You see," Dr. Hendricks breathed, "this was once a fertile land, no one yet knows why it became desert."

"How old are these paintings?" asked Julianna in awe.

"Millions of years. Interestingly, Jason, they predate such drawings on Earth, but there is still great argument about the true age of Humans. It remains one of the great Universal archaeological conundrums as to how old the Human species is."

"I have seen paintings like this on Earth, maybe I sought them out because of the paintings here."

"Yes, when I met you, you had a great interest in history and archaeology, but I don't think you remember our first meeting, do you?"

"No," replied Jason looking at the floor, "sorry, Doc."

"It's not a problem. But wonder in this marvel, that like Earth's Sahara once this desert was a lush green paradise. It makes me wonder."

"Sorry, Doc, but I be wondering where Milk is," interupted Jimmy,

"Oh, shabbus," exclaimed Jason, "where is he? He must be back at the site."

"Come on, we need to get back to him," said Julianna, horrified that she had left him wounded and weak.

Then the radios that they had brought from the ship squawked.

"This is Milk, over. I'm at the base of the small pyramid. Trillo and friends have just arrived," there was a long pause, "didn't think I'd go to Fiddler's Green in a place like this. Funny, I kind of miss Earth."

They ran headlong to the jeep and Chase shoved the archaeologist driver out into the sand. He hit the gas and whipped across the flat, took the first dune in low gear and as he was about to hit the top shoved it into a higher gear and the jeep flew over the crest and hit the second dune where Chase whacked it back down into second and took the dune, at the top he flew into a higher gear down the dune and onto the flat that held the ruins.

Julianna, in the back, pulled her gun and stood up. She held the roll bar and took aim at the Laikans approaching Milk. Her shot went high due to a bump in the sand and the Laikans turned to the jeep whipping towards them. Jimmy, in the passenger seat pulled one of Chase's guns out from its holster and fired wildly. But now the Laikans on level ground fired back and hit the engine. Smoke billowed out.

"Jump," shouted Chase and they did before he pulled a sharp turn that flipped the jeep. It rolled and came to a stop on its side and everyone ran and took cover behind it.

The Laikans were in the open and they ran away from Milk to the low walls of a recently excavated foundation. Between our heroes and the Laikans were a number of trenches where a collection of archaeologists and tourists hid.

"Cover Jimmy and me to the trench and then we'll cover you. We've got to get to Milk," Chase commanded.

"OK," brought back Julianna.

"Don't hit the ruins," pleaded Dr. Hendricks.

"Well that goes without saying," replied Chase. "You ready Jimmy?"

"I always had yo' back, mon."

Chase took a chance to look at his friend and all that he had lost for five years. Then Julianna opened fire and they ran to the next trench.

"Hi, there," Chase flashed a grin at the terrified people cowering. One Tarancort woman managed a smile before Chase and Jimmy came up over the trench in a barrage of laser fire.

Julianna and Hendricks darted to the trench, Julianna's gun blasting away.

"Are you okay," Chase asked her.

"I'm okay now," she replied with an unplanned smile. He grinned back at her.

"Enough for now, don't you think?" asked Hendricks.

Chase turned to him.

"Dunno what you're talking about. Where we going?"

"Behind the pyramid there's a door in the sand," Hendricks told Chase.

"Julianna get the Doc to the door, we'll hold off the Laikans and get Milk."

"Really, mon, and how?" asked Jimmy not liking the odds of that.

"Natural flair and ability, my friend, natural flair and ability."

"Oh no," Jimmy simply stated.

"Go," commanded Chase and he and Jimmy started firing.

Julianna and Hendricks ran for it as Chase hit one of the Laikans and Jimmy took another one down.

"Run, dammit, RUN," Chase screamed at Milk.

Milk, knowing that it was now or nothing, got up and ran, shooting at the Laikans himself. As he crossed open ground laser fire came his way and he tumbled into the trench.

"Keep firing," yelled Chase to Jimmy.

"Not stopping," came back a yelled answer.

Milk lay against the trench as women screamed. He was bleeding.

"You're bleeding. Are you hit?" Chase shouted at him.

"Don't shout at me," returned Milk. "I'm not shot, it's my old wound."

They all ducked into the cover of the trench.

"Shabbus," swore Chase. "We have to get him to the ship."

"Then I'll cover you."

"No, Jimmy you'll get stuck here."

"Den dis be our last adventure," he looked at his friend. "We ne'er did anyt'ing right in our life, now you are doing somet'ing right, I too wanna make the bad tings right."

"I'll be back for you."

Jimmy took Chase's other gun, Chase dropped all his spare clips, and rose above the trench and started blasting. Chase grabbed Milk and with his arm over his shoulder they ran to the end of the trench and then up and ran toward the pyramid.

One Laikan saw them and took Chase out in the leg. They both went down. Chase gritted his teeth, swore and pulled Milk up. Now blood was pouring from both of them.

Jimmy took out said Laikan before ducking down to reload. He rose up and started blasting again.

Chase and Milk reached the edge of the pyramid and safety. Chase looked back at the trench where his friend was blasting away. Laser blasts were pouring on the trench and Jason wanted to run back to help him, but Milk moaned and leaned upon him and Chase felt his own leg giving out.

They ran/stumbled to the other side of the pyramid where they discovered a huge gap in the sand. Looking into it they could see vast stone steps leading down to a flickering light.

"Julianna?" shouted Chase down the steps.

"Down here," came the echoing reply.

"Well get up here."

Julianna and Hendricks appeared in the dim light and raced up the stairs as Chase and Milk fell over.

"What happened? Are you shot?" a fraught Julianna asked standing over them.

"He is, I'm not," said Milk from the floor.

Chase pushed Milk off of him and stood up, grabbing Julianna's shoulder as he did.

"Give me your gun and get Milk to the ship," he commanded through gritted teeth.

"What? Why? Where's Jimmy?"

"Still back there, I gotta go get him, now give me your gun," Chase almost shouted.

"Doc? Get Jason and Milk to the ship, I'm going to get Jimmy," staring into Chase's eyes.

"No," he commanded.

"What? You going to come running after me?" she asked sternly. "Didn't think so. Get to the ship; you're no good to anyone dead."

With that she ran along the side of the pyramid and stopped at the corner. The Laikans had realised most of their prey had escaped and were trying to get to the pyramid, but Jimmy was keeping them pinned down. As soon as he saw a head peak out he shot at it.

Julianna's position was bad, if she started shooting, the Laikans would fire at her and stop Jimmy from joining her. The pyramid next to her was tall, but the steps were small and numerous. She started heading upwards. Now from her height she could see Jimmy in the trench and could see clips scattered around him. Most were red which meant empty. She could see only three green ones left. She kept climbing.

Stopping again she looked down and could make out the Laikans behind their walls. She squatted down to make the most of the little cover she had and started firing.

***

Suddenly Jimmy saw laser beams raining down on the Laikans, he looked up and spotted Julianna. The Laikans were firing at her, but they were exposed. A number made a run for it and Jimmy took them down before running to the end of the trench and then backwards ran across open ground still firing at the Laikan position.

Julianna looked down and saw him reach the pyramid, she turned back and picked off the last Laikan she could see and then spotted another sandcruiser pulling up, and even before it stopped she could see more armed Laikans jumping out. She started running down the back of the pyramid and from there she could see the open door in the ground and the red of blood next to it.

She got there as Jimmy did and grabbed him in a hug.

"T'anks, Jules," said a grateful Jimmy, "Come now, I knows de way."

They descended the huge stairs.

***

Trillo was lucky, the first Laikan Julianna had killed from the pyramid had fallen on him and knocked him to the ground. The body soaked up the laser fire and left Trillo alive and angry. He pushed the body off him as the second sandcruiser pulled up.

"Around the pyramid! Half of you go round left, half right. And be careful," barked Trillo at the newly arrived assassins.

They split up, weapons drawn and approached the pyramid.

***

The stairs seemed to descend forever and in the dim light the tunnel was so massive Julianna couldn't see the walls to either side of her. She could however see the blood on the stairs. Jason and Milk's. At the bottom the steps opened out into a huge room. The room was well lit, though Julianna couldn't see how, and was filled with treasure; with beautiful vases, large animal drawn carriages, suits of armour, huge statues of people dressed in clothing she had never seen. Statues of races that she didn't even recognise. Some of these statues were fifty or sixty feet high, some of the golden carriages looked big enough to seat one of said statues. Now she knew why the entrance stairway had to be so big. The room was brimming with treasures.

"De treasure of Rarbar," Jimmy said, still impressed having seen it often over the last five years.

"It's amazing."

"Sho is, but you know what I've never understood?"

"How did it all get down here?" Julianna in awe.

"Nah, why didn't Chase steal it when he first found it?"

She looked at him and thought, 'yeah, good point'.

***

On the surface the Laikans had rounded the pyramid and found the door in the ground.

"OK, the two most dangerous are wounded, but be careful, if they're down there waiting we're sitting ducks," advised Trillo, he certainly wouldn't be at the front.

Chase, Milk and Dr. Hendricks were already on board the Vulcan and Hendricks had bandaged the flesh wound on Chase's leg. As Milk was taken care of, Chase was in the cockpit switching on all systems.

"Well, well, well," came a female voice from the computers, "Look what the Chanlukine weasel dragged in."

"That's the second time someone's called me that in the last 48 hours," commented Chase as he continued to switch things on. "You wouldn't mind running a systems check for me would you, love?"

"Oh, you leave me for five years in this dusty place and now that you need me I'm 'love' am I?"

"I had to leave you; I'm on a special mission."

The computer broke into girlish laughter.

"You? You're on a 'special mission' are you? I doubt it somehow. Just run up too many debts, have you? Time to run away is it?"

"Things have changed, Cherry, I've changed. Now can I have that systems check or not?"

"OK, OK, I'm on it. As usual." she bemoaned.

***

Jimmy and Julianna walked to the other end of the room to find another murky corridor the same size as the entrance stairway, this one was colonnaded and in the cloisters they could see more statues, these ones sculpted like guards. They pressed on down the long corridor to another lighted room.

***

The Laikans were now down the stairs and gobsmacked by the treasure they had found.

"Forget Chase Darkstaar, we're rich," shouted one Laikan and Trillo shot him as he ran to the nearest pile of gold coins.

"This treasure isn't going anywhere and we're going to make sure Darkstaar doesn't either. Anyone else want to stray from the plan?" Silence. "Didn't think so."

He continued to follow the blood trail.

***

The next room had hardly any treasure in it, but did contain a large sleek ship. The front was rounded and the top went straight to the back boosters, but the bottom went up at a 45 degree angle to meet the boosters. This meant that the ship was thicker at the front than the back where there were two small stabilizer wings.

On the bottom, at the front, was a right angled triangular wedge of a strange, glossy black material; this wedge made the front underneath straight like the top. Across the side, under the cockpit windows, was spray painted the title, "The Wild Rover".

Jimmy and Julianna stood looking up at the ship.

"Dere she be," said Jimmy with a little awe mixed in with some pride, "De Wild Rover, de only Vulcan I've ever known in dis here Universe."

"It's huge," commented Julianna.

"Has to be, Chase and sometimes myself or Milk had to live on dat ship," and then laser beams zinged past them.

They spun around drawing their guns and shot back down the colonnaded tunnel.

"Time to leave," shouted Julianna and they both ran to the ship's entrance ramp.

"Go, mon, go," Jimmy shouted into an intercom at the top as Julianna fired down at the approaching Laikans.

He could have saved his breath, Chase saw the laser beams and made ready.

"How's that systems check, Cherry?" he asked the computer as he flipped switches.

"Everything is good to go. Jimmy has taken care of me. Unlike some I could mention, he never left me alone," she whinged.

"Can we save that for later or would you like to get shredded by lasers?"

"Fine, fine, no need to be testy. I'm closing the entrance ramp and sealing up for airtight."

"Aren't you just a little bit exited to be flying again?" Chase asked.

"Oh, alright, yes, yes I am. So let's go."

Chase punched the booster ignition and flame pummelled out of the boosts. He raised the ship to hover and retracted the legs.

"OK, gonna move the Lechance to its back position," he told Cherry as Jimmy walked into the cockpit.

"Right, er," said the computer.

"What? What now?"

"Well, frankly I don't really understand the Lechance technology, I mean I understand the equations and such, it's just I don't really get how that translates into doing what it does."

"And your point being?"

"Well, without actually flying there is no way I could test it. What I'm saying is that after five years, I don't know whether it will work or not."

"Valkswagon. Well we're going to find out," Chase said as Laikans started spilling in and firing at the ship.

He pressed another button as Jimmy sat down next to him and started fiddling with the computer in front of him.

The black wedge under the ship slid backwards along the bottom until it reached the back of the ship. This, amongst other things, streamlined the ship for atmospheric flying.

Jimmy pressed a button and small laser canons appeared under the nose of the ship and automatically started finding and picking off Laikans.

"What's that?" asked Chase.

"Somet'ing I added, a bit of take-off security."

"Nice. Well, hold on, here we go."

***

The ship moved slowly forward towards the Laikans, the two small lasers firing at them. Trillo moved back in the tunnel as his men fired at the bottom of the ship.

"Stop firing! Stop firing," he shouted as he realised the ship's canons were finding men by their laser shots.

One Laikan didn't listen and the ship's cannons worked out the trajectory and cut the Laikan down.

"Valkswagon," cursed Trillo. "Everyone, back outside, we can't lose that ship."

***

The ship was now picking up speed as it approached the treasure store.

"After five years, don't you t'ink you should take it slow, mon?" Jimmy asked nervously.

"Like riding a bike," Chase grinned at him.

The ship flew through the treasure room and one of the back wings clipped a statue sending it tumbling over.

Chase winced. "I hope the Doc didn't see that."

They flew up the stairway as the Laikans ran into the treasure room and fired wildly at it. And then the ship was out of the entrance and into blue skies.

Julianna walked into the spacious cockpit and took a seat. She looked around at the walls lined with different computers.

"How's de big mon?" asked Jimmy swivelling in his chair.

"He's doing OK. Dr. Hendricks has him on an IV of blood. And, by the way, why have you got blood on the ship?"

"For times like these," Chase said. "This ship has everything we might need in our escapades."

"So what now? Back to Newd and the space port?" she asked.

"No, Trillo will have Laikans there, or at least someone spying. We need to do a full in-flight systems check and then I think we better make an illegal exit."

Chase steered the ship to avoid flying near Newd and punched the accelerator. The ship was surprisingly fast for one as large as itself and this again was down to the Lechance. When in back position not only did it streamline the ship, but when switched on it added to the boosters power and, somehow, gave the ship the manoeuvrability of a small fighter.

"OK, Cherry, full in flight systems check before I switch on the Lechance."

"If I must."

"Geez, she's whiney," whispered Chase.

"Five years alone, mon, I think it's done somet'ing to her software," Jimmy whispered back.

"Stop whispering, I know you're talking about me," Cherry complained.

"Not at all, love, not at all, how's the systems?"

"All go," she said and Jimmy watched the read out of the check on his computer screen.

"OK, let's see how the Lechance is doing."

"I'm really not sure about this," Cherry said uneasily.

"Hey, come on now, I have faith in you, honey," Chase pampered as they flew over the sea.

He hit a button and then twisted a dial, there was a slight hum as a number of the wall computers lit up. The fire from the boosters turned green and the whole ship shuddered lightly.

"Are we good?" Chase asked.

"At the moment, starting a full check now."

Chase moved the accelerator farther forward and the ship sped up, burning a trail above the waters. He took the ship up to higher atmosphere and did some twists and turns.

"How fast can this thing go?" Julianna asked.

"Near enough lightspeed," Jimmy told her without looking up from the readings.

"In atmosphere?" she was amazed, "That's not possible."

"It be de Lechance, gives it extra power and sharper control."

"What's the Lechance?"

"Dunno," Chase and Jimmy said together.

"You don't know?"

"Well," explained Chase, "it's the black wedge thing on the bottom of the ship, but no one really knows how it works, not even Cherry."

"Hey, I'm working on it," she piped up indignantly.

"After five years, and you'll no closer?" Chase asked her.

"Do you want this systems-check or not?"

"OK, OK, sorry."

"Erm, Cherry," Jimmy said with a hint of worry, "I'm not liking some of dese readings."

"No, neither am I, but until I have a full check of the Lechance systems I can't recalibrate."

"What does that mean?" Chase asked.

"It mean you need to keep flying."

"Well, that's no problem," Chase said as the engine suddenly stuttered. "Er, how long will this check take?"

"Not much longer, just keep us in the air," Cherry told.

The engine stuttered again and the lights dimmed briefly. Chase brought the speed down and took the ship down to the waters below. Ahead they could see a large tropical island. The engine coughed again and Chase pulled the ship up as the nose dipped.

"How much, exactly, is not much longer?" asked Julianna strapping herself in.

"Not long," said Cherry who seemed to be quite enjoying their discomfort.

Chase was now struggling with the controls as the ship grew sluggish.

"Okey dokey, all finished. I'd turn off the Lechance and land on that island. Unless you all fancy a swim," Cherry suggested brightly.

Chase switched it off and the engine growled back into life. They were close to the island and Chase circled it, seeing a perfect landing spot amongst the trees. He gently set The Wild Rover down, and gave out a long breath. He felt all the tension and excitement of the last hours wash out of him and at the same time Jason washed back in.

"OK, so what now?" he asked.

"Now you sit and wait until I recalibrate the system settings to the Lechance settings," explained Cherry gloatingly.

"And how long will that take?" asked Julianna.

"As long as it takes, my dear."

"You don't like me much do you?"

"I am not jealous of you," Cherry snapped back.

"What? I didn't say that."

"Ladies, ladies, be cool," Jimmy soothed, "let's get out and stretch our legs while Cherry does what she be good at."

"Thank you, Jimmy," beamed Cherry.

"I think she fancies you," Jason said.

"Who doesn't, mon, who doesn't?"

***

The three of them walked into the small sick bay to find Dr. Hendricks taking the IV drip out of Milk's arm. He was sitting up and looked much better though his chest was swathed in bandages.

"How're you feeling, Milk?" Jason asked.

"Better, much better, how's your leg?"

"Fine, fine. Cherry's doing some recalibrating of the systems so we've got some time on this island. Might as well go and have a look around."

"And the Laikans?"

"I think we've lost them for now," said Julianna. "Good to see you up and about, Milk."

"All thanks to you guys," he looked around at them and smiled and they couldn't help smiling back at him.

"Looks like we really are a team," commented Dr. Hendricks as he lit his pipe.

THE DEFENCE OF MELIS

They stepped out of the Vulcan and onto soft earth. The air was alive with the sounds of animals and birds and the fresh sea breeze filled their nostrils with a sense of serenity.

And then the Human natives stepped out of the jungle with spears.

"Spears?" asked Jason.

Yes, spears.

"It would appear so," commented Dr. Hendricks pointlessly. "This sea is so vast, many islands are barely touched by the UTN; they've learned to live simply and at one with nature," he said less pointlessly.

The natives were very naked, and tanned, with only some sort of loincloth around their waists. Strangely they all seemed to have either blonde or red hair, and while the men were muscularly built, the women were phenomenally attractive.

One man stepped forward; he wore a necklace decorated with long bright flowers.

"You will not take our women," he shouted angrily. "This time we will fight you."

"With spears? No offence, but we have lasers," pointed out Jason.

"Then we will lay down our lives protecting them."

"That's nobility," sighed Dr. Hendricks.

"Sounds like stupidity to me," noted Milk.

"Look," interrupted Julianna, "we're not here for your women."

"I might be," said Jimmy.

"I thought you were in love," pointed out Jason.

"Well, yeah, but she be a gangsta's daughter who t'inks I have left her," he looked around at the topless women. "Dis seem like a good place to forget."

"Will you two stop?" glared Julianna. "Look, we don't know what you are talking about, we just landed for our ship to resynchronise its settings."

"Recalibrate," Cherry corrected from an external speaker.

"Whatever," fumed Julianna. "The point is that we come in peace."

"We come in peace?" asked Jason.

"Yes. So?"

"Well it's a bit clichéd isn't it?" chimed in Dr. Hendricks.

"I'd expect it from them," she pointed a thumb at Jason, Jimmy and Milk, "but not from you."

"No, quite, but, well," the four of them started sniggering as the natives looked on confused.

"I do not understand," said the Chief.

Julianna sighed. "No, neither do I."

The sniggers turned to guffaws and Jason actually cried.

"Ah, well, kill them anyway," said the Chief.

And the laughter stopped.

"Wait, wait," said Jason, "first explain why you want to kill us. What is this about you're extremely attractive women?"

"You really do not know?"

"Not at all," conceded Milk. "Same as ever."

"Hmm," the Chief considered. "Every ten years a group of men who call themselves Durden Raiders come to take our women and sell them into slavery or prostitution; and ten years are up."

"Tell me, Chief, do we look or act like Durden Raiders?" asked Dr. Hendricks.

"Well, no, not really," admitted the Chief.

"Then maybe we can help you, so that you don't have to lay down your lives to laser fire," Julianna said.

"What?" asked Jason. "Julianna, we have a bigger mission plus Laikans and the Mob after us."

"And they can wait. We're not leaving these people to die."

"Julianna, we don't even know when these slavers might turn up," Milk added.

"About this time tomorrow," the Chief said. "We just thought you were early."

"How do you know that?" Jason asked.

"They phoned," the Chief said.

"Oh," said Jason.

"Then it's settled, we will stay and help you fight off these men," Julianna told the Chief.

He sagged a little and relief mingled with joy on his face; then he threw his arms in the air.

"Then welcome to our island," he beamed at them arms raised and the rest of the Natives went wild with cheers.

***

Later, having moved The Wild Rover, they sat in a village of wooden huts which still had a TV satellite each. There was a great roaring fire in the centre of the village as the sun set.

Milk was being attended to by two young women; they were feeding him a broth cooked up by the local doctor who was now in deep conversation with Hendricks. Jimmy was sitting on some cushions near the fire with another two giggling girls serving him the local alcohol and cooked meat. He looked tremendously satisfied. Julianna was in a hut talking to some older women about women's stuff, probably cooking and fashion, thought Jason, well not fashion as these ladies had a certain lack of clothes. He himself was sitting alone under a tree away from his friends and the Natives who surrounded the fire with drink and dance.

He thought about everything again, about how Hendricks had said that they were really a team and it was true. But a team that seemed to attract danger, that by searching for the Trimedian they were themselves hunting down danger. He really couldn't blame himself for all this, he was a different man from the man who took the mission five years ago and he hadn't intentionally meant to bring any of these people along. Well, Hendricks, but he was supposed to stay on Peskini.

"You are the leader?" asked the Chief.

Jason jumped a little having not seen him approach.

"Well, yeah, I guess."

"You sit alone and think while the others enjoy themselves, yet you only guess that you are the leader?"

"OK, I am then."

"Then we need to talk about your plans for tomorrow."

"Right," and as he got up, for the first time, Jason willed himself to be Chase, to be the man who could come up with a decent plan. Or at least a half decent plan. Or half a decent plan. Or at the very least half a plan.

Honestly, who are we kidding? Chase's plans were rubbish. He should have willed himself to be Churchill or someone. Chase was the type of man who could and did get drunk when he shouldn't, but if he planned on it, he'd go to bed sober however many Chokdee cocktails he drank.

About an hour later the Chief and Chase got back to the fire having wandered around in the jungle and discussed the best way to use it.

Not much had changed, Milk was now snoring loudly by the fire, Jimmy was still sitting as he was, but now talking with another man. Dr. Hendricks was also now sitting by the fire, eating and watching the dancing.

The Chief left Chase as Julianna walked up to him.

"How're you doing?" she asked gently.

"Tired, but fine," replied Jason. "You know, I'm having trouble getting my head around all of this. Not long ago I was a moderately successful writer and now I'm on another planet trying to plan how to fend off Durden Raiders. I don't even really know what that is."

Julianna looked at him and felt a wave of pity for him, life was hard and full of surprises, but this probably took the biscuit, a HobNob at that. She thought of various things to say and then just took him in her arms instead. They stood embracing for some time in the flickering of the fire.

***

Trillo sat in the small hotel bar with some of his men. He had already hired out a number of craft ready for first light tomorrow and now all he had to do was wait.

"Boss, are you sure about this?" asked one of the men.

"Are you questioning me, Dounton?" he growled.

"No, sir, but if they are not still on the planet, then we will have definitely lost them."

"Two things, Dounton, one: if they have escaped into space then we have already lost them until one of our spies picks them up again, two: it's not Darkstaar's style, he wouldn't just leave, he would want us to think that and leave after us."

"And if that happened, we could be half way across the Universe in the wrong direction," piped up another Laikan hoping to score points.

"Exactly, Pruntip, exactly," Trillo said and points were scored. "Tomorrow at first light we take our ships and we scour the islands until we smell them out."

***

The next morning the whole village gathered to listen to their Chief.

"Later this day," the Chief orated, "the Durden Raiders will come to take away some of our women to live out a life of slavery," there were noises of hate from the crowd. Tricky to describe a noise of hate, trust me, I just tried. "And we will not try to stop them," and said noises turned to noises of surprise and shouts of dissent. "I let our new friend Chase explain."

Chase stood up and began to explain his plan. There were many groans and comments of 'half-arsed'.

Later the women were hard at work sowing grass skirts for themselves while the men were preparing traps in the jungle around the village.

"No, absolutely not," defied Julianna as she and Chase stood in the jungle.

"You have to be there, you're the only one," Chase countered.

"I am not going topless in front of you lot," she insisted.

"We won't be there, will we? We'll be in the jungle," Chase again countered. "Look, none of these women have ever shot a gun; we need someone there who can drop any Raider who tries to fight."

Julianna's shoulders sagged, he was right.

"You were the one who chose that we fight," Chase said gently.

"OK, OK, I know, alright?"

"We promise not to look."

"And I trust you as far as I can throw a Longgot," she sighed an almost Milk-like sigh.

"Well, you need to trust me on this, if we're going to beat the Raiders," he said and squeezed her shoulders.

She turned and walked back to join the women sowing in the village.

One of the men working walked past her and up to Chase.

"If your plan is going to work, then why are we making these here traps?" he asked.

"Because," explained Chase, "this is life and you never know what's going to happen," he smiled at the man, "I always like a bit of backup."

Finally the time of arrival came. And went.

"After all that work, they can't turn up on time?" Milk asked no one particularly.

"I doubt they are known for their manners," said Dr. Hendricks.

"I be going wit' the Doc on dis one."

And then the scout returned saying they were coming into land and our intrepid heroes disappeared into the jungle.

The Durden Raiders were soon in the village and were a rag tag group of fifteen males. They wore blacks and greys, rough cottons, leathers and various patches and even some metal sown into or onto their clothes. They were of various races, Human, Merrick, Grey, Cantorvial, Laikan, Albertine, Byfrok, and Tarancort. They all looked unwashed and mean, which is unfair because the Durden code was very strict about cleanliness and personal hygiene.

The leader was a Human called Bob and he now stepped forward to greet the gathered menfolk.

"You know the drill," he growled through his thick, grizzly beard.

All the village men gathered together and some of the Raiders went over to them and began tying them together, all except the Chief.

"Now, Chiefy," said Bob, "you know the drill bring out the women."

The Chief walked toward the large meeting hut to get the women and he was a bit sad. His village had been so weak for so many years that the Raiders didn't even bother checking the huts for an ambush. In fact, Chase and his gang could have just hidden in a hut and started shooting. He should have thought about that, but then it was too embarrassing to his pride that his tribe was so compliant. He walked into the hut.

"OK, they are here, are you ready to do this?" he asked them.

"We're ready," replied Julianna from their midst. "Be strong, girls, this is where we get revenge for all the girls that were taken," there were murmurs of agreement and strength. It was right that the women should take the lead in stopping the Raiders.

They followed the Chief out and lined up in front of the Raiders who made 'appreciative' noises. Again, hard to describe, sure you've made some yourselves. Though hopefully not over topless women you're about to sell into slavery.

"What's all this with the skirts?" asked Bob to the Chief.

"In the last ten years, we have become more modest," the Chief said as sweat started to roll down his back.

"But they're still topless," exclaimed a Cantorvial.

"So who's complaining?" asked an Albertine.

"Well," the Chief started and coughed, "well, why don't you take some of these women into the free huts and see for yourself. Taste the, er, wares for yourself before choosing."

He hated doing this, saying these things, but this was the plan to forever rid themselves, to never lose another girl and as Chief he had to be strong, be a leader.

"That's not how it goes," pointed out Bob.

"Yes," he started stronger now. I'm the leader, I'm the leader, I'm the leader, "but we just want to help you, we don't want any trouble. If you don't take anything, but the best, you will come back."

"That is true" mused Bob, "and my men could do with a little R & R.

"Men, take a good look and choose your woman, let's turn this job into a little break. You know we won't get to touch 'em once we are back on the ship."

"Not unless we pay," roared a Merrick to much laughter and then the Raiders were passing amongst the women, looking here, feeling there.

They chose their fifteen and began dragging them to various huts whilst the men squirmed in their ropes.

Bob stopped a Human who was dragging Julianna along.

"Choose again, Jobson, this one here is mine."

Jobson wandered off, annoyed, to choose someone else.

"Now come with me, my dear, I promise to look after you," Bob sneered at Julianna, and that's not easy with a big beard.

He dragged her toward a hut and she was sick with nerves, if any one of them got caught so would the rest and as Chase had pointed out, she was the only one who actually knew how to use a gun. The key was to get the Raiders disarmed.

In the hut Julianna knew the routine, knew it all too well. She slid around the back of Bob and encircled him with her arms.

"Such a big man," she purred and her hands slid around his body searching for guns other than the one in his shoulder holster. Her hand slid up to said gun and Bob swatted it away. "Come on, you don't need that in here."

"You're right," he replied, stepped out of arms and took off the gun.

"Keep going," she said with a hint of mock excitement.

Bob took off his leather waistcoat and pulled his shirt over his head. His body was hard, lean with muscle and covered with painful looking scars. Julianna walked up to him and undid his trousers and let them fall around his feet. Before he could kick them off she reached under her skirt and pulled out the pistol that was tied to her thigh.

"Don't even think about moving," she commanded.

"What? What the hell is this?" he demanded.

"This is payback, Bob, and it's a bitch," she walked around him and stuck the gun into his back. "Outside."

He waddled out of the hut with his trousers around his ankles to find the rest of his men being lead out of the huts in various throws of undress. He also found the villagers untied and holding spears. Plus three Humans and a Laikan with laser machineguns. He also noticed a large cage made out of strong looking wood; how had this happened? What was now going to happen? That was probably a stupid question, the Durden Raiders had been coming here for decades, taking women from mothers, fathers and siblings. These villagers would take their blood as revenge.

As he was led, along with his men to the cage he reflected that it was a fair end, he, Bob, was not a good man. He had done terrible things in his life. He hadn't always been a bad person, he had once been an outstanding man of his community and in joining the UTN Navy had been a brilliant leader of his men. Too brilliant. His commanding officer became afraid that he commanded too much power and Bob was framed, made a shame of the Navy and of his home community. He had escaped prison with his most loyal men and joined the Durden Raiders and the irony of his life was that he had done far worse in those times than that which he had been accused of. That one jealous Naval officer had led to his ruin, to his crimes. Not that Bob could lay all the blame on that man, he had chosen his subsequent crimes, even if they were out of bitterness.

And now he would pay for them.

The cage was locked and one of the Humans came up to it.

"Any last words?" Chase asked pointing his machinegun at the men in the cage.

"I am the leader," Bob said as he stepped forward to the bars, "and I talk for my men that we are not afraid to die, indeed it is a just end to die here, a just end for unjust men."

"Very noble of you," commented Dr. Hendricks.

"There is no nobility in these men, Doc," said Chase without taking his eyes off Bob.

"That is not true, but we do not have penitence if that is what you are after."

"Not penitence, but blood," said Julianna stepping forward. "Isn't that right, Chase?"

He tried not to, he really did, but Chase just couldn't keep his eyes off her semi-naked body.

"Chase?" she asked again with her eyes on Bob. She looked over at him looking at her. "I knew it." she stormed.

Then she looked at Jimmy and Milk.

"I don't believe you guys," she shouted hopelessly and stormed off to a hut to change. Only Hendricks who had his hand over his eyes didn't watch her go.

"A thing of beauty indeed," commented Bob.

"Shut up," commanded Chase looking back at him.

"So we have been captured by the great Chase Darkstaar, how interesting," said Bob.

"How so?"

"Well to die at the hands of natives would be embarrassing, but it won't look so bad on us that we died at the hands of the great hitman."

"Who said you are going to die?" asked Milk.

"Does anyone walk away from Darkstaar? No I don't think so."

***

During this conversing Trillo and his men lay in the jungle watching.

"We're here for Darkstaar and his friends; ignore the villagers and the captured men," he commanded them.

"And if they attack us?" one of his less bright men asked.

Trillo gave a sigh that would have made Milk proud. "Then kill them, idiot. Now are we ready?"

His men checked their weapons and set their faces.

"Go," shouted Trillo and they burst out of the undergrowth shooting.

"Laikans," shouted Jimmy.

"Run," screamed Chase.

The villagers dived for cover and threw spears wide of their mark as Chase and his gang ran for the jungle. And the traps.

The jungle rained with laser blasts and it was obvious as they ran that the Laikans were concentrating their fire on the four of them.

"What be de plan?" shouted Jimmy.

"We have a plan?" Milk shouted back.

"Lead them away from the villagers, and through the traps," shouted Chase.

"I say, it's been a whole two days since I was chased by anyone who wanted to kill me," shouted Hendricks.

"Keep the humour to yourself, Doc," warned Chase.

A shot razed over Hendricks shoulder and he span 180 degrees and dropped to one knee at the same time. He squeezed the trigger and strafed the jungle behind them. He got up and ran on.

"Where'd you learn to shoot, Doc?" shouted Milk still running.

"Used to be in the UTN Navy, don't you know?"

"No, no I didn't know that, you're one hell of a useful person to know, Doc."

"Why thank you, I try my best."

"Watch that trap," Chase shouted at full speed. The others jumped it.

The leading Laikan did not and he was pulled into the air by the rope that grabbed his ankle.

He shouted something as the other Laikans sped past.

The next Laikan hit a trip line and a large net of boulders strung up between two trees rained down taking out three of them. The others kept coming.

The next Laikan hit a trip rope that brought a sharpened log across the path and speared the Laikan behind him. Trillo called for a halt as their path was blocked.

"Where are they?" he asked himself.

"Dunno, boss," one Laikan replied and Trillo shot him for not knowing what a rhetorical question was.

Suddenly laser blasts poured out of the jungle in front of them and they all dived to the floor until the blasts stopped. One Laikan got up to head that way.

"Down, you fool," commanded Trillo. "I admire your courage, but it is a trap."

"It certainly is," said Chase from behind them. Trillo twisted to look at him and Chase cut a cord that disappeared up a tree.

Trillo felt the floor and felt the netting a moment before it whipped all the remaining Laikans up into the air.

Milk and Jimmy appeared out of the jungle from where they had been firing.

"Let's get back to the village and out of here," said Milk.

"Good idea, bro, let us put distance 'tween us and dese Laikan," put in Jimmy and the three of them ran back to the village.

To find it deserted by all except Dr. Hendricks and the bodies of the village men.
A Note on Terminologies

A Common curse word is 'valkswagon'. This comes from the Petruthsian language and means that something is disappointing or is not what one would wish it to be. Originally used in bartering terms such as to get a 'valkswagon deal'.

It should not be confused with the German car manufacturer that bears a similar name.

Though the redesign of the Beetle may express a similar sentiment to the Petruthsian word.

'Shabbus' comes from the old name for Longgots and originally meant 'something good that came from something bad' in reference to the excreted pearls. However over time it came to mean more about the excretion and this didn't help the export of Shabbus meat and pearls. Therefore, the desert tribes reverted back to the even older name of Longgot.

From: A Brief Guide to the Universe for Earthens

THE RESCUE OF JULIANNA

Smoke billowed up from the burning huts and lit up the gathering dusk. Hendricks stood amid the bodies, his head down.

"Oh no, mon," whispered Jimmy.

"The cage is destroyed," Milk said in equally lowered tones.

Chase ran forward, ran towards Hendricks.

"What happened?" he shouted.

The Doc looked at him with red eyes.

"I don't know, it was as this when I returned," he let out a sob.

Chase looked around and saw the Chief. He ran over and dropped to his knees. The Chief moaned as Chase cradled him. The Chief opened his eyes and looked at Chase even as his life flowed from him.

"Chief! Chief! Hold on," Chase demanded.

"No, no, it is my time to go."

Chase sagged.

"We failed you."

"No. No, we failed ourselves. We failed to ever stand up against these villains and now we pay. Before we died, you taught us to be men again," the Chief closed his eyes and became limp.

"Chief," Chase shouted.

The Chief opened his eyes.

"They took all our women, they, they," the Chief coughed up blood, "they took your friend. Go and save her, save them all for us, we were never men enough to do so," the Chief wheezed.

And then he died.

Milk walked over to Chase and looked at the Chief.

"A laser blast must have opened up the cage, in all the chaos the Raiders got to their guns and, and well," Milk couldn't finish.

"What we do now?" asked Jimmy.

Chase looked up at them. "Now we go and get Julianna and we kill those bastards," he said through clenched teeth.

***

Andrew Forster sat alone with Sir Jeffery. He had had a gruelling time since coming to space, many, many meetings with various ambassadors from various races.

"They all treated me well, but they," Forster searched for the words, "they seemed to treat me as beneath them."

"Come now, old man, what did you expect?" asked Sir Jeffery lighting a pipe.

"I never had any expectations," replied Forster looking at the floor.

"No, no, quite. Listen, old man, let me explain something to you about the Universal Trading Network.

"On Earth you had 'the space race' where the United States and Russia raced to be the first into space, the first to be on the moon. The Russians got into space and the Americans got to the moon and what came of it?"

"What do you mean?"

"I mean, you never colonised the moon or any such, so what did you get out of it?"

"Many improved technologies," stated Forster getting a bit peeved.

"Yes, yes, you improved things and invented things that are now jolly useful around the house, but what did you really gain? Nothing."

"Not true," started the ex-President.

"Yes, yes, if you look at it from an Earthen point of view, but from a point of view of exploring the galaxy, nothing. And why? Because you had to race, you had to beat each other.

"If the Americans and the Russians had worked together how much further could you have got? I mean if you had jointly landed on the moon, sharing technologies, perhaps you could have had a moon base and from there sent out a space station.

"And then from that space station you could have reached Mars and then you might have realised what a good fuel Martian soil is and using that fuel, you could have exited the Milky Way and met the rest of us."

"Martian soil?" Forster asked bewildered.

"Indeed, soil from Mars and other like planets was one of the key Universal fuels for many years, until it was found that we could replicate it with other more abundant materials," he took a good suck on his pipe.

"The trenches on Mars?"

"Our excavations, of course. The point of this story is that everyone else managed it, but you Earthens were too busy fighting to work together, you should not wonder that others see you as a little primitive. Still," Sir Jeffery gave a reassuring smile, "you made a good impression and I think that everyone will warm to you."

***

"Back so soon?" asked Cherry sarcastically.

"Miss me?" Chase asked as he sat down in the cockpit.

"No, I'm used to you leaving me."

"How can you be bitter? I came back didn't I?"

"That is why I'm bitter."

"You love me really and you know it," Chase smiled.

"Heh, in your dreams," she came back loftily.

Jimmy came into the cockpit and took the co-pilot seat.

"We ready, Jim?" Chase asked.

"Yeah, mon, the Doc and Milk be putting de guns away. What be de plan?"

(At this point Milk and Dr. Hendricks were at the door.

"Bet you ten space pounds he hasn't got one," Milk whispered.

"I have more faith in the man," Hendricks replied.)

"Dunno yet," Chase told Jimmy as they prepared for lift off.

Milk and Dr. Hendricks walked in while Hendricks fished around in his pocket for the money. He handed it over as they sat down.

"What was that about," Chase asked a triumphant looking Milk.

"Nothing," Milk replied as he pocketed the money.

Chase switched on the engines and took The Wild Rover up and out of the trees. He then hit the LeChance and rocketed the ship up through the atmosphere.

As they were reaching the edge of the atmosphere, Hendricks asked, "What will we be facing out there?"

"Durden Raiders don't have home planets so they live on large ships. They travel around the Universe like that, making money as slavers or hired guns. Anything to turn a space pound."

"That is where they will have Julianna and the other women," Milk added.

"So we're going to assault their ship?" Hendricks asked.

"Not assault, Doc, sneak in," Jimmy said and a plan began to form.

"Cherry, bring the Lechance to its front position," Chase said.

"Yes, boss," she came back, but did it anyway.

"Thank you, sweetheart."

"Your sweet talk might work on Humans, but not on me," she retorted, but it did.

They exited the atmosphere illegally, but undetected and two things became obvious very quickly. One was the huge Durden ship.

"Valkswagon, it's a mothership," said Chase.

"A what?" asked Dr. Hendricks.

"The Raiders live on ships, but they have a small number of motherships, these are city like ships that act as ultimate homes for the Raiders," Milk explained. "This is going to make the job a lot harder. Fate hates us," he bemoaned.

"Maybe fate has changed sides," said Cherry, "the Durden ship is in the middle of an asteroid storm. That should cover us from their radar."

And that was the second thing.

***

Asteroid storms come from planets or stars exploding and sending bits of rock across the Universe. As there is no friction in space not much slows them down, they just race across space from one end to the other, gathering no moss. A couple of things do slow the asteroids: passing through clouds of space dust or magnetic fields, or passing by the gravitational pull of planets or stars. The appearance of slow moving asteroid storms (such as the one the Durden ship sat in), especially close to the edges of the Known Universe, told scientists that there must be planets and/or stars beyond those that were known. The study of asteroids was at the forefront of the scientific movement to calculate just how big the Universe really was and what the chances of finding more of it was.

***

Chase dodged and weaved his craft through the asteroids and as they got closer they could see that the Raiders' ship cannons were blasting at asteroids that got too close.

"Cannons be automatic, don't let them target us," said Jimmy while reading his computer.

"No worries," replied Chase as he ducked and weaved the ship.

The cannons locked onto an asteroid to their port side and blew it to dust which covered the ship. Chase pulled up blindly and then heaved the ship left to avoid another asteroid.

They grew closer to the ship and Chase pulled up so that they would approach it from the top and thusly not be spotted from a window. That would be just embarrassing.

"Cherry, give me a scan of de ship," Jimmy said.

"Coming up. It appears to be an old EMMA class."

"Any outer entrances across de top?"

"The scan is coming onto your computer now, I'll have a look."

Jimmy looked at the scan of the ship as it came onto his computer and then the image changed to a view of the top and a highlighted hatch.

"The EMMA class has a vent here and this hatchway was added so that someone could go out and fix or unblock the vent," Cherry told Jimmy. "That one small hatch saved a lot of lives."

"You be a wonder, Cherry," he told her.

"Heh, tell that to Chase," she pouted.

"Where does the hatch lead to?" Chase asked.

"Somewhere in the engine room, but they are vast. I would have to get a copy of the blueprints to tell you exactly. If they still exist."

"Don't worry, you've excelled yourself already," Chase said as he angled the ship to land near the hatch.

Cherry beamed to herself.

And they landed.

"Cherry, this ship might go to lightspeed so make sure you're attached tight, we don't want to lose you," Chase said.

"I'll be here for you, Chase," she replied breathily.

"OK, boys, time to suit up," Chase told them and they all got up. "Sorry, Doc, not you, I don't have a space suit for a Laikan, never had one on board."

"Oh," said Hendricks disappointedly.

"Anyway, Doc, if this goes the way I think, we're going to need you to bring the ship into the docking area for our daring escape. Stay close to the radio."

"Will do, skipper," Hendricks beamed at having an important job after all.

***

The three of them walked across the Durden ship to the hatch and thankfully it had a handle on the outside. They opened it and hoped there wasn't an alarm. If there was, well, what else could they do? So they climbed down a short ladder into a small pressurisation chamber. Which did its thing and then the three of them were climbing down a longer ladder.

The thing with engines on big space ships was that they needed to be protected from all sides as an enemy fighter could come from any angle. That meant they were placed centrally, with a lot of walls all around. Where our heroes entered was a higher part of the engine complex and so deserted, they were happy to find.

After taking off their helmets they looked around the small dim room that was filled with the hum of the engines and not a lot else.

"OK, we be in, Cherry. Any reading on alarms?" Jimmy asked into his earpiece radio.

"Nothing from my scans, Jimmy. I am sending you plans for the layout with where I think your captives are being held."

"T'anks, babe."

"I warn you though, this is all coming from my scans, not blueprints; I don't know how accurate any of this is."

"That's alright," said Chase, "it's better than being blind. Come on, let's go."

Jimmy looked at his handheld computer.

"Out dis door and left."

Much sneaking about abounded as the three of them wound through quiet corridors stopping here and there when they heard talking close by, or actually saw an engineer working on something. They kept away from the main central engine rooms and, they hoped, engineers with large spanners.

And then they came to a door. Not any old door, but the door that would lead them out of the engine complex and into the inhabited ship. They stripped off their space suits and had only one hope; that on a ship of this size people would just assume they were people they'd never met before.

"And if they don't? If we stand out a mile? Then what?" asked Milk.

"I think the term is, 'running battle'," replied Chase.

"Great," returned Milk.

According to Jimmy's computer they were going to have to pass through a living quarter that included shops and bars in order to get to the prison decks.

Yes, shops and bars. A Durden Raider mothership was like a city. The Raiders weren't just pirates, they were outsiders, people that didn't fit in or who had to escape a normal life within the UTN planets. Becoming a Raider was the last hope of the hopeless and that included men and women who wouldn't be off shopping the malls of the City of Prantz. And, of course, men and women fell in love and had families and men needed bars and women needed shoe shops. The only difference was how this city accumulated wealth.

Raiding groups would leave the mothership and go off to buy, sell, rob or enslave in a galaxy and finally come back to the mothership to spend their ill-gotten gains, spend time with the family and do all the other things sailors do when they come to a port.

"OK, now we enter de main areas of de ship, dese be the ones where we's gonna meet people," Jimmy told them.

"Well maybe it's good that this is a mothership, means more people to get lost in," said Chase.

"And more people to chase us," exclaimed Milk.

"Well, try not to get shot this time," grinned Chase.

"Oh, you're a funny man," exasperated Milk.

And they went through a door.

The short corridor was, of course, dimly lit, but at the end they could see bright lights and hear people talking and walking and muzak.

"According to the plans, at the end of dis corridor be a large shopping area," Jimmy whispered.

"Good," said Chase, "no one is going to take notice of another three people."

"Yeah, maybe you could pick up something nice for Julianna, a sort of 'sorry you got kidnapped' present," Milk said.

He was not upbeat about any of this.

They walked up to the end of the corridor and looked around. It was a large circular area that was multi-tiered. All around the edges were shops, small coffee shops and eateries. In the middle were escalators taking the shoppers up to the next level of what, Chase assumed, contained more of the same.

Now don't get the wrong impression here, it was not fancy by any means, the shops were little more than open fronted rooms with peeling wallpaper or bare walls. In many shops things were just stacked up and much rummaging would have to be done to find anything worth buying. Grimy is a word and indeed a word that could best sum up the mothership's shopping area.

The three men wandered into the crowds and were thankful to find that they did blend in; here on the mothership no one seemed to be wearing the leather/metal/patchwork combination that Durden Raiders were famously known to be easily spotted in. It's scary and fierce, but not exactly comfortable.

"How do we get out of here?" whispered Chase.

"De main exit is up one level," Jimmy whispered back trying to hide his computer.

"It's a good job you two don't look suspicious whispering to each other," commented an annoyed Milk.

"Right, yeah, sorry," whispered Chase.

"Will you stop it?" answered Milk.

They hit the escalators and rode to the next floor and it was as Chase had thought. More of the same. Except that at one end there were no shops, just a wall of glass doors that people were passing in and out of.

"Do you really think we should have bought Julianna a present?" Chase asked Milk as they walked towards the doors. "I mean now would be the time to do it, right?"

"No, no I don't think we should. I think we should concentrate on getting the hell out of here before we're caught."

"Caught and shot, mon," corrected Jimmy.

"Now that's not helpful is it?" asked Chase.

"True, though, init? Dey can't be happy we locked 'em in a cage."

"Can we talk about something else, please?"

They walked through the doors and into a semi-circular room that had three other corridors leading off of it.

"Which way now?" asked Milk.

"To de left, we needs to get to a lift that will take us down."

They walked on and the people lessened.

"If we did bump into any of the Raiders we met on Melis, would either of you recognize them?" asked Milk.

"Where's Melis?" asked Chase.

"The island we were just on," Milk said in a weary voice.

"It's called Melis?"

"What were you doing while we were there?"

"De point is," interrupted Jimmy, "no, I wouldn't."

"Me neither."

"So we could have just passed any number of them?"

"Well, that's what makes it an adventure, right?" said Chase with a grin.

"I hate it when you get all cavalier," said Milk.

"Look we have to rescue Julianna and we only have time to wing it, so let's wing it."

"I don't remember a time when we weren't winging it," sighed Milk.

"As de man says, dat's what make it an adventure. Here be de lifts."

"Wait, wait," said Milk as they reached the lifts, "How're we going to get down to the prison level?"

Chase looked at Jimmy and then looked at the lifts and then looked at Milk and then back at Jimmy, back at the lifts and finally back to Milk.

"These things are called lifts, they take people up and down," he said as if to a child.

Milk sighed.

"I mean they're not just going to let us wander onto the prison decks are they? There's not going to be a button marked 'prison'. There's going to be guards, guards with guns who will catch us if they see us."

"Catch and shoot," Jimmy pointed out, "or maybe just shoot."

"Ahh, but I have a plan for that," said Chase triumphantly.

They both looked at him.

"And?" asked Milk.

"Well Jimmy and I will take you down as our prisoner."

"Dat's it?" asked Jimmy with a hint of disbelief; well more than a hint, but he managed to disguise some of it as belief.

"Got anything better?" asked Chase.

"Well..." started Milk, but he didn't have anything better, didn't have anything. The whole thing was ridiculous, there was little to no way that they would get out of this alive, but then they couldn't leave Julianna to her fate either. And hell, he'd gotten out of plenty of tough scrapes with Chase before hadn't he?

Oh well...

"Let's go then," he said and pushed the button for the lift.

Turned out there was actually a button labelled 'prison' which Chase smugly pushed while looking at Milk. Who ignored him.

The lift descended and Jimmy and Chase stood either side of Milk who held his hands behind his back, they stuck close in the hope that no one would spot the fact that he wasn't actually tied up.

As previously pointed out this was not going to win Ictopia's annual 'Best Prison Breakout Award, planning category'; that would go to Chubby Bermann who, having lost the previous year, deliberately got caught and locked up in order to escape and win, yeah it wasn't the best plan, but you had to admire the man for determination.

The lift stopped and they walked down a short corridor of lifts and into the control room for the prison. There was a main computer console in the middle and four barred gates leading off, presumably to the cells. There was just one man sitting at the console and no sign of guards.

There wasn't really a need for guards, no one was going to try and break in and if anyone broke out they would find themselves on a whole ship full of the type of people who put them in prison in the first place.

"Hi there," said Chase and the man looked up at them with a smile.

"Hi over there too," he replied. He was wearing a brown uniform, and I mean, who chooses brown as a good colour for a uniform?

"We're bringing this man in for stealing; he needs to be locked up."

The man looked perplexed.

"Why would you lock him up for stealing?" he asked.

"Waddaya mean?" asked Jimmy also perplexed.

"Well stealing isn't a prisonable offence on a Durden ship, is it?"

"It isn't?" asked Chase.

"Well, no. I mean we go about stealing all over the Universe, it would be a bit hypocritical to punish someone just because they stole from another Raider, wouldn't it?"

Milk sighed a big it's-always-something sigh.

"Right, of course," Chase tried again, "he's actually in for murder; he murdered someone in order to steal from them."

"Sorry, chaps, again murder is not a punishable offence, we murder people all the time."

Jimmy rubbed his forehead in disbelief.

"Hang on a minute would you?" asked Chase.

"Of course," said the man.

Chase tugged the others over to a corner where they huddled for a moment in conversation; they then retook their positions either side of Milk who, once again, had his hands behind his back.

"How 'bout prison breaking?" asked Jimmy.

The guard thought for a moment, "Not sure."

"But you break out of prisons all the time, right?" asked Milk.

"Well, yeah," the guard said unsuredly.

"So it would be hypercritical of you to stop one, right?" Chase pushed.

"Well, erm, yeah, I guess it would be," said the guard more sure now; I mean the logic fitted, right?

"OK, well it's good to get that sorted, isn't it?" asked Chase.

"Defo, mon," replied Jimmy.

"Bit of a relief actually," agreed the guard.

Milk stepped forward.

"We're going to have to tie you up, I'm afraid," he said and Jimmy passed him a length of electrical cable that was handily sitting in a box labelled 'deus ex machina'.

Have you noticed how there's always a bit of rope or cable laying around when someone needs one? It's because rope is intrinsically altruistic and in fact gains great pleasure in life by helping people tie things up. Rope will, therefore, go to great lengths to be in the right place at the right time.

But where were we? Ahh yes, Milk is going to tie up the poor guard:

"Now, I'm not sure I can allow you to tie me up, you know?" said the now uneasy guard.

"But you do tie people up frequently?" asked Chase.

The guard sighed and drooped at the same time.

"Yes, yes, OK, get on with it."

And they did.

When he was nicely tied up Jimmy connected his small portable computer into the main one.

"Cherry, locate the cell of Julianna, please," he said.

"Do I have to?" came back the tinny reply.

"Yes, babe."

"You know, you'd be better off without her," suggested Cherry.

"Just do it, Cherry," Chase commanded.

"Fine, fine, I was just saying how a woman slows you down, gets captured..."

"Cherry," Chase broke in.

"OK, OK, let's have a look then, no need to get shirty. Here it is, cell 1969."

"T'anks, Cherry," Jimmy thanked, "but screw it, can you open all the cells?"

"Sure why not, I'm only happy doing other's wishes. Master," she added sarcastically.

But she did what she was asked and the four barred gates slid open.

The three of them walked to one of the gates and then quick walked back to the computer terminal as a flood of people from many different races came, well, flooding out of the cells.

"Jimmy, find out where the escape pods are," Chase told his friend and then stepped up onto the console.

"Everyone, everyone," he called, "you are free, but you will have to escape the ship on your own, we're never escape in such a big group. The escape pods are," he looked down to Jimmy who looked up from the computer.

"Some on every other deck, but the most are on the very top and bottom decks," he shouted over the murmur of the crowd.

"OK, everyone got that? Try to stay in small groups and get to the escape pods. They should take you to the nearest planet which is Peskini. Now go," he commanded.

The people, men and women, mostly women, streamed past them and out of the prison area, and in the midst of them Julianna found them and hugged each in turn.

"About bloody time," she grinned.

"Hey, we're a team aren't we?" Chase asked and Julianna could do little more than nod.

"Let us be out of here also," Jimmy said.

They went out of the prison area and ran past the people waiting to grab a lift and those piling up and down the stairs at the end of the corridor.

"Computer says dat dere be a door at de end, service entrance, we should take dat," Jimmy called as they ran.

They hit the door, which thankfully no one else had spotted and found themselves in an empty, drab corridor.

"Where does this go?" asked Milk.

"Seem to have some maintenance rooms, but should lead to de hanger. Long road we gotta travel," Jimmy informed them.

"How long do you think before the guard sets off an alarm?" Julianna asked.

"Not long, I didn't tie him up very tightly," Milk replied.

"What?" Chase asked exasperated, "Why the hell not?"

"Well, he seemed such a pleasant man, couldn't bring myself to hurt him."

"You'll be the death of me," Chase said as he threw up his hands.

"Not if you get me killed first," Milk replied.

"Dat seem more likely, Chase," commented Jimmy.

They ran along the corridor ignoring the doors to left and right. According to Jimmy's computer said corridor would lead them almost all the way to the hanger, but they hadn't got far when Cherry piped up.

"The alarm has been triggered in the prison area," she said seriously.

"Valkswagon," exclaimed Chase even though he had been expecting it.

"How long before they track us down?" asked Milk as they continued running.

"It be a big ship, mon, but not as long as we need."

They simultaneously pulled their guns, Milk giving a spare to Julianna.

"So what's the escape plan?" asked Julianna.

"Get to the hanger and meet with The Wild Rover," Chase explained.

"That's it?" she asked shocked.

"Great isn't it?" said Milk.

"They're scanning the ship," informed Cherry.

They piled through a door and into a similar corridor.

"They've got you," Cherry said and she sounded a bit worried.

"Time to expect company then," said Chase.

They ran and hit another door, through that into another corridor.

The door at the end of corridor opened and armed men started through, but Chase and Milk cut them down with laser fire.

They jumped over the bodies and kept going.

"Wait," shouted Jimmy as he stopped by a door, and they all pulled up. "This door should lead us to a translift, get us to the hanger quicker."

"Go for it," said Chase as the door at the end of this corridor opened and laser fire burst forth from it.

They bundled through the door into a room full of electronic parts and Jimmy led them through another door that lead to a wide, lit corridor.

They burst into the corridor much to the surprise of the people walking up and down it and followed Jimmy at a run. Someone shouted at them and a laser blast zinged past Julianna's ear; she turned and fired, dropping the woman.

And now they had a problem, everyone on the ship was a Raider, everyone was armed and dangerous at all times.

Other Raiders pulled their guns and the fleeing party had to run, duck and shoot along the corridor.

"So this is a running battle, is it?" Milk shouted over to Chase.

"Remember to not get shot in this one," came the reply.

"I'll shoot you," Milk shot back and then shot a Raider ahead of them before he could unholster his gun.

Chase shot another man as he cocked a shotgun; Julianna spun and shot someone firing from behind them.

Jimmy stopped ahead of them at the translift that went horizontally through the ship.

They had to wait and grouped in a crouch and fired in all directions as now hoards of armed Raiders spilled down the corridor.

Cherry hacked into the system and winged a translift their way, it arrived as the corridor became filled with laser smoke and they leapt inside.

"I've hacked the system," she told them, "they can't stop the lift nor see where it is going."

"But they'll cover the hanger anyway," said Milk.

"Yeah, yeah, they will," agreed Chase. "Doc?"

"I'm here."

"Time to bring The Wild Rover in,"

"Wilco," he said brightly.

"He's enjoying this," exasperated Milk.

"He not be getting shot at," pointed out Jimmy.

The translift slowed.

"Put your guns away," commanded Chase.

"What? You want us to get shot?" asked Milk.

"No, but we will if we have our guns out."

"You're banking on the Doc?" asked Julianna.

"I'm banking on them wanting to catch us, not shoot us."

The translift stopped and the doors opened to ten heavily armed men led by Bob.

"Bob! What a lovely surprise. Didn't think we'd see you again so soon," beamed Chase.

"And I neither you," said Bob aiming a pistol at Chase.

"Ahh, you know, I missed that cheeky grin of yours."

"And you will soon be missing your cheeky grin," Bob told him.

"Still sour about being locked up, huh?" asked Milk.

"Something along those lines, yes," Bob replied to him. "Out of the lift."

They stepped forward out of the lift and the Durden Raiders stepped back holding their machineguns on the group.

"So now what? You gonna just shoot us?" asked Jimmy.

"Oh no, no, we're going to torture you and have a doctor on hand to keep you alive as long as possible," Bob told them with a nasty grin.

"Well as lovely as that sounds, we've actually already got a doctor on hand," Chase said and nodded his head to the hanger's opening.

The Durden Raiders looked to see The Wild Rover hanging in space.

And then it opened fire into the hanger.

The gang whipped out their weapons as a docked space ship exploded and Chase shot the surprised Bob neatly through the forehead. Milk took down another two, Julianna took out three in a swift motion, Jimmy shot two and Chase took the last two.

Raiders were now running to and fro trying to escape The Wild Rovers deadly cannons. Another ship exploded and fiery debris landed in a fuel dump which promptly exploded.

Chase and the rest ran towards the hanger's opening as Hendricks brought the ship in. It hung there still firing, covering their retreat. Now other Raiders were appearing and firing at the ship; Julianna clocked up another four, Milk another two, Jimmy took only one (but it was a damned good shot if he said so himself) and Chase wiped out seven with his twin pistols.

The ship landed with a bump and Julianna and Milk covered them as they boarded the ship. Once aboard Chase took the controls and lifted off as Cherry kept the anti-personnel canons blazing. The ship turned and rocketed out of the hanger.

"Nice work, Doc," Chase said as they all took seats.

"It's been awhile since I flew, I'd forgotten how exhilarating it is."

"It's not over yet, there are still plenty of ships in that hanger," said Milk.

"This is where it gets really exhilarating, Doc," Chase said as he took the ship in a wide turn. From there they could see hundreds of escape pods zinging from the ship, it was like an asteroid rain.

"They're not going to let those pods escape," said a worried Julianna.

"Dat's why we gonna stick around and protect them, right, mon?"

"Too damn right," said Chase. "Time to see what this baby can really do, Doc."

"We got Durden fighters exiting de hanger," Jimmy said looking at his computer screen.

"Cherry take the Lechance into weapons position," commanded Chase. "Milk, you and Julianna take weapons control."

All space ships have a mechanism that gives the ship a small gravitational field, it means that things don't break and fly off into space and that people can go out and fix things without equally flying off into space. The Lechance when shifted to the middle of the bottom of the ship however, projects a much bigger gravitational field and the designers of the ship used this as a weapons system. The Vulcan class ship can eject various weapons that will float around the gravitational field and can be controlled remotely.

The Lechance moved into position and Chase told Cherry to release the Merrill guns. These are two spheres that had lasers opposite each other.

In the ship Milk and Julianna's seats automatically turned to face forward and locked in; a screen came down in front of them showing a view from the Merrill guns and a control pad that looked a lot like a play-station controller was stored in the arm of the chair.

Julianna looked at the controller.

"I can't do this," she insisted.

"You can, it's quite easy," soothed Milk. "You're controlling just one gun, use the left thumb stick to move the gun and the other one to spin the gun. When a ship comes into your vision press the blue button to lock on and the red button to shoot. Press the yellow button to flip 180 degrees."

"That's what you call easy? Why can't Cherry do it? Not me."

"Because you're better than her," Milk explained.

"It's not that," retorted Cherry, "it's that I am a computer and work on logic and algorithms, I don't have instinct and cannot predict something that works on instinct; that may dive or spin at illogical times."

"And she's a rubbish shot," added Chase.

"Shut up," Cherry harrumphed.

A Durden fighter shot past them and Milk moved and spun his gun till the ship came into view, he locked and fired blowing it up.

"Come on, Julianna, got lots of fighters coming up on our rear," Chase urged.

She took a deep breath and spun the gun, flying it up and toward the back of the ship. At least ten ships were in her screenview still a good distance away and she pressed the blue button and a red triangle appeared around one of the ships, she hit the red button and saw a laser beam shoot into the distance, but the fighter was too far away and dodged it.

They were now flying through the rain of escape pods and Chase dodged and weaved through them, then pulled a U turn and sped towards the fighters.

"We're going to go straight through them, make them choose between the pods and us," Chase told them. "Get ready, gunners to hit as many as you can."

"Just hit the blue button and then the red button over and over, Cherry will lock on to the ships for you," Milk encouraged.

"OK, OK, I'll do my best," she said trying not to show her nervousness, if she failed to hit these fighters they might destroy the pods containing innocent lives.

Good, no pressure then.

On her screen she could see the fighters getting bigger; they were like a swarm speeding towards them.

"Reckon dis is gonna work, bro?"

"I'm banking on them not realizing how fast and nimble this ship is, they see big and think slow."

"Ten space pounds I can take out ten ships as we fly through them, Doc," Milk wagered.

"At these speeds? No, not more than five," Dr. Hendricks replied.

"It's on then," Milk looked at him and winked.

"Comin' into deir weapons range," Jimmy announced and sure enough the swarm of fighters opened up a barrage.

Chase rolled the ship left and then ducked it down, bringing it back up to avoid the blasts all the while hammering forward at great speed.

"Wait till we're a bit closer, bit closer, bit closer... Now! Fire," Chase shouted.

Julianna hit the blue button and the red triangle appeared, she hit the red and the ship disappeared, she hit the blue button again and took another ship.

They were in the midst of the fighters now and Milk weaved his Merrill gun around The Rover blasting fighters, not letting any escape toward the pods.

Julianna was forced to move her gun to pick targets and she found her fingers quickly getting used to the system as she moved and spun, the two Merrill guns dancing around the ship like bees.

And then they were through the fighters and Chase whipped The Rover in an arc to come at the fighters from behind them. The fighters themselves suddenly didn't know whether to turn back and take on the enemy ship or plunge forward to take out the pods.

"That was only nine I'm afraid, but jolly good effort," Hendricks smiled at Milk.

"I got eleven," Julianna said trying to hide her smile.

"Shabbus, this girl learns quickly," Milk shook his head. "OK, Doc, double or nothing I get fifteen this time."

"That's a wager," agreed Hendricks.

Some of the fighters were attempting to turn to come back at The Wild Rover, but the Lehance gave it the agility of a fighter and Chase had his ship lined up while they were still manoeuvring. Once again Milk and Julianna launched their attack, blitzing the fighters. And as they came amongst them, Chase dodging and weaving through the fire, they spun their guns around the ship taking down fighters in a rain of fire.

The last few escape pods were by now entering Peskini's atmosphere, and as they were getting whupped, the last remaining fighters beat a hasty retreat back to the mothership.

"Dey's bugging out," Jimmy unnecessarily noted.

"Then it's time to send them on their way," Chase grinned.

"With de fighters out de way, dey'll use de hull guns.

"Bring it on."

"By my count it was fourteen, Milk," Hendricks said holding out his hand.

"No way, there were loads out there."

Hendricks looked over at Julianna and Milk followed his gaze. "No way. Are you telling me she took out more than me?"

"Again," Hendricks added.

"On her first go? Valkswagon," he said deflatedly while Julianna just smiled at him contentedly.

"You can regain your manliness by strafing the mothership," Chase said.

"Now that is manly. Watch and learn, Julianna, watch and learn."

Julianna's screen went back up and her chair unlocked, but Milk's didn't. Cherry retrieved the Merrill guns and launched the FOBG gun which was a smaller version of the FOBG guns that cruisers carried. This gun was again a sphere, but bigger than the Merrills and this one had a barrel.

The fight to protect the escape pods had taken them below the mothership and now Chase pulled The Wild Rover up and round in order to fly the length of the underside of the ship. Milk brought the FOBG above the ship and aimed the barrel up. This close to the mothership brought laser fire from the anti-fighters and Chase slalomed the ship between them as Milk fired off great blasts into the ship at nearly point blank. As The Wild Rover rolled left and right Milk had his fingers busy moving his gun all over the underside of the Durden ship to give it as much damage as possible.

Hendricks watched Milk's work on the screen. "You don't seem to be doing much damage."

"This gun is no match for the hull of such a big ship," Milk told him.

"Forgive my ignorance, but then why are you bothering?"

"It'll annoy them," Milk told him swinging the FOBG in a zig zag.

The cabin lit up as a laser blast zinged over the top of them.

"Dat was too close, mon," Jimmy told Chase.

"Daring, aren't I?" winked Chase.

"They can't afford to lose any more ships and they can't keep taking damage from us, eventually they'll run," Milk told Dr. Hendricks.

"Right about now, in fact," Cherry informed. "The Durden ship is preparing to jump to lightspeed."

The guns stopped firing and after a final blast Milk stopped too. The Wild Rover pulled away as the massive Durden ship jumped and was gone. Cherry retrieved the FOBG, Milk's screen lifted and he sat back one contented Indian.

"Now that's manly," he said to himself.
Types of Life Forms (that means Aliens) you will meet: (extract)

Reutorgians

Reutorgians have a body that is long and thin and might make you think of the common pencil; it even ends at a pointy tail. They have spindly arms and legs and a head shaped like a soda can and are taller than most other races.

Tarancorts

Tarancorts might remind an Earthen of a giraffe. They had a very similar head and a long neck that bent in an S shape so that their heads sat forward of, and level with, their shoulders. However, their skin was made up of large, tough plates that met each other at grooves. They were an odd race in that they were split almost 50/50. Some were mean and vicious, while others were very peaceful. Great architects and painters too.

Byfrok

Byfrok could be described as somewhere between ants and Humans. They had two legs like a Human, but then their body was shaped to accommodate another two sets of arms that ended in pincers that could be used as feet. So 'arms' wasn't an entirely accurate description. The body came to a point between the two pairs of 'arms' so that the thorax was an hour glass shape and could swivel like a second pair of hips. The head was neither ant nor Human, it was an ovoid, like a stretched out egg, with a small mouth on one end, much larger nostrils flat to the head and eyes on the side that stuck out so it could look forwards.

Jobru

Jobru sat on three long tentacles a lot like an octopus'. Their bodies were reminiscent of a chubby baby's with long arms that ended in three-pincered hands. Their head was oddly small for their bodies with small eyes, but a distending jaw and large nostrils. They were originally water based creatures, but were equally happy out of it.

Zorblids

Zorblids had a head shaped very much like a hammerhead shark, but with bigger eyes and less bitey-bitey teeth. Their bodies were humanoid and they had a small bony protrusion on their hips, shaped like a hook and they could hook their skin onto it and pull it out with their hands to form wings with which they could fly, though only from a high object. To help this their hands and feet were like a monkey's, which they used to quickly ascend trees from which to take off.

From: A Brief Guide to the Universe for Earthens

BREAKING IN

In just a few weeks Earth had been completely changed, aliens were now walking the streets taking in the sights, visiting spas and generally doing Earthen things. There was so much Earthen stuff imported into space, but no one had ever had the opportunity to experience such things first hand. Music concerts were packed with different races, as were cinemas and cricket matches. It's not that there weren't these things in space, it's just that this was the real thing, other races did these things because they seemed like good things, Earthens did them because it was their culture and that's a big difference dressed up as a small difference. You can eat sushi anywhere in the world, but it's still special, still better, to go and eat it in Japan.

The people of Earth were taking it all quite well. The mind is a wonderful thing. When hit by something overwhelmingly strange, to stop itself shutting down, it just accepts the weirdness thusly making it normal to their fragile minds.

It was decided to hold a huge world fair in Switzerland so that alien races could go and get a good overview of authentic Earthen cultures, foods and music and a similar fair was set up in England with alien races representing their cultures and histories to the Earthens.

The Prime Minister was a busy, busy man, now that he was in charge of keeping the Earth together whilst it wandered around in a collective state of shock. Yes, people were coping well with all the new changes, but he wondered what was going to happen when the shock wore off. Would things continue to be okay or would it all kick off?

There was the key question of racism. Humans are a pretty racist bunch, normally to the country next to them who they share the most in common with, but hell, Humans will be racist to anyone they can. It makes them feel like they are part of the in crowd. If someone is different to you and you can say they are bad or stupid in some way, then you and people like you must be good and clever and whatever.

Now the thing on the PM's mind was whether having aliens around would finally put an end to racist thoughts or would it merely unite the Human race to be racist to other alien races? And if they did become arrogant and racist what would the UTN do to Earth? They had all the technology, Earth had next to nothing, it would not be a winning idea for Earth, but that didn't mean they wouldn't do it anyway. Humans were both arrogant and dumb, they have, in the main, small vision and thusly small minds or maybe the other way around.

But then they had the President up in space now and he was a good, strong man, he would not let Earth do anything stupid, just as long as the PM could keep it all together in his absence.

***

Jason had been Chase for a lot of pages recently, but now that the present excitement had finished he felt Chase ease out of him and more of Jason return. Except it wasn't really like that was it? He wasn't really Chase or Jason, but an amalgam of the two of them. The only change was in his mind, he felt more like Chase when he was doing something he thought Jason couldn't do. But Jason could do it all, did do it all, it was time for him to stop thinking like this, time to stop thinking that it was Chase hidden in his lost memory that came to save them and that he was the one who could do it.

He sat on the edge of the bed in his room in the ship. It was actually pretty comfortable and spacious and he had vague memories of living on The Wild Rover, of spending a lot of time in this room, vague memories of others on the ship with him; of parties, women and good Jonny Skyewalker whisky.

Still that was the past, a past that although Chase's attributes had come back, would not. What he had to deal with now was the present and that meant finding out the next place to go in their quest to find the Trimedian.

They had gotten into so many close scrapes already he wondered if they wouldn't be better off dumping the mission and do something safer. Like chainsaw juggling. But then what would they do? Did any of them really have anything else to do? Could Julianna go back to working in a bar, could he and Milk go back to Earth, Jimmy back to having to elope and avoid Freddy? Only Dr. Hendricks had any sort of decent life before he got dragged into this. The fact was that this mission was all they had, it was their life. They didn't really have any choice, but to push forward.

When he came out of his thoughts he saw Dr. Hendricks standing in the doorway.

"Deep in thought?" he asked.

"I was just thinking how when this is all over, you're the only one with anything worth going back to."

"I don't know about that," Hendricks said as he walked over and sat next to Jason on the bed, "I'm not getting any younger, perhaps I was wasting what life I have left cooped up in that little office writing books that only a handful of people will ever read."

"What about the treasure? You've waited all these years to publicise the findings."

"Yes, funny isn't it, all those years I waited to make the biggest discovery of recent years and now that other archaeologists are undoubtedly cataloguing it, I don't mind. I think I'd rather be here."

"Really? Risking your life to follow me around space looking for something that has nothing to do with you?" Jason looked at him.

"If the Trimedian will stop a war then that is a better find than all the treasures of Rarbar."

"Then I guess we better get on with it," Jason said.

He stood and made a decision.

Chase walked out of the room.

Dr. Hendricks sat in the room a little longer. It was true what Chase had said, this was all they had now, just this mission, just each other. What would they do when they got to the end of it? Chase was right, he could go back to writing his book, but was that really life now? Had it ever been? Had he fooled himself since he left the UTN Navy all those years ago? Yes or no, he wasn't fooling himself anymore; these were the first good friends he had had since his wife died all those years ago and whatever happened he was going to stick by them.

***

They were flying through the galaxy on autopilot (though don't let Cherry hear you call her that) heading to the nearest star-gate and in the cabin Milk and Julianna were going through a battle simulation teaching Julianna how to control both Merrill guns at once while Jimmy was at one of the computers along the walls checking the ship out.

Chase entered and took his seat.

"So, Cherry, when I left..."

"Five long years ago," she mourned.

"Yes, five long years ago, did I leave you anything, a message or something for when I came back?"

"Yes, you did, it's an address."

"Excellent, what is it?"

"You're going to love this one," she warned happily.

"OK, so what is it," Chase urged.

"Brilliant is what it is," she beamed.

"Cherry," Chase said sternly, "tell me now."

"Of course, of course," she started to giggle.

"Dammit, Cherry what's the address?" Chase commanded.

She stopped laughing and gave a happy sigh.

"OK, genius, it's 69 Haptoes Road, New Tannock, Tralos, Jesperr."

"And what's that?" Chase asked disturbed at Cherry's continuing giggles.

Jimmy had gone to his chair and tapped the address into the computer.

"It's a prison," he said looking at Chase.

"Great," said Milk.

***

The planet of Jesperr was in the Ovian galaxy, a galaxy like many in the Universe that did not belong to any one race. It had been discovered after the formation of the Universal Trading Network and been populated by those who wished to do so; which was lots when it was discovered that many precious metals could be found throughout the galaxy.

Now let me explain another important plot point so that I don't have to interrupt the flow later. Being a stupidly rich galaxy meant that a lot of people wanted to come for a good thieving. To stop this, those in charge had set up something called 'Eye-Net' which surrounded the whole galaxy and basically scanned ships as they passed though. If weapons were detected the ship would be alerted that it should turn back or be destroyed. No idle threat, the Ovian Defence Force was a crack Naval team. In fact the UTN Space Navy hated them because anyone half decent usually went and worked for the O.D.F because they paid a helluva lot better.

In fact fire arms were completely banned in the galaxy, but it was impossible to stop guns being made there and so armed men still tried to rob people of their wealth and that is why the New Tannock prison was so full of Durden Raiders.

And so as not to interrupt Julianna's later phone call, The Wild Rover made it through the 'Eye-Net' because it works on technologies that are no longer present in the Universe and any person or computer that tries to figure out it's mechanisms just gets confused. The only way to understand The Wild Rover is if Cherry tells you and not only does she not fully understand it, but the only people she has told are Chase and Jimmy. Though she'd tell Milk if needed, but not that slut Julianna. Harumph.

Anyway Ovian was also a galaxy that held many scientific wonders, one of those being the planet Jesperr. Jesperr had no oceans, instead it was crossed by three very large rivers; from those ran smaller rivers and smaller rivers ran from those and so on down to small streams so that the whole planet was crisscrossed by water ways. This was not the marvel however, the marvel of Jesperr was that there was a huge hole in the top of the planet, a huge hole that went all the way down until it was a huge hole on the bottom. What the three rivers did was flow from the hole at the top down to the hole on the bottom and somewhere in the middle of the planet completely defied gravity and logic to come out of the top hole again. No one could work out how this happened as no one had ever been able to get instruments that far inside the planet.

The city of New Tannock was a very beautiful city with a lovely set of canals both open and covered over for roads. It was a popular romantic and honeymoon destination across the Universe. The buildings were of a distinctly Victorian Britain, but in the posh, expensive sense and they, along with everything else, were very clean.

Having left The Wild Rover at the space port our five heroes walked the wide sun lit roads, passing under the dappling eaves of tall trees that marched along the roads.

"We have been here before," Jimmy realised.

"Yeah, we have, it was New Years," replied Chase with dawning realisation.

"It was, mon, and, oh, we got in a little trouble, didn't we?"

"Yeah, I believe we did and that's why I hid whatever it is in the prison," Chase understood.

"Why? I mean, why would you ever think of hiding something in a prison?" Milk asked exasperated.

"I came here after hiding the Trimedian and it turned out there was still an arrest warrant out for me and Jimmy. I got locked up and it just seemed to be a safe place to hide something."

"Yes. Safe because people can't get in or out," Milk exclaimed.

"But it's pretty easy to get in if you're a wanted criminal," Julianna did some realising of her own.

"Exactly," Chase flashed her a wide grin.

"How will you get out? Same as last time?" asked Dr. Hendricks.

"Doubt it," said Chase.

"Why not?"

"Can't remember how I did it last time."

"Wonderful," said Milk.

***

And now for an understatement: Trillo was not a happy Laikan. He was back in his home galaxy of Tegariff Major and sat alone in a boardroom on one of the massive Laikan cruisers having just had the dressing down of his life from his superiors. He had promised them that he had spies everywhere looking for Darkstaar and he would soon be in Trillo's massive paws. They had promised that if this didn't happen he would be shot. He wasn't happy.

In the midst of his unhappiness he, looking out of the window, was amazed at how big the Laikan fleet had grown in such a short time. What did the Trimedian matter? The real fact was that the UTN was peace loving, that their Navy was used only in chasing various space pirates and simulations. They were woefully ill equipped for a full scale war and the Laikans and their allies were. If they had moved quicker then they could have smashed the UTN before they even managed to find Darkstaar on Earth. If they had sent him, Trillo, to attack Darkstaar's ship leaving Earth then they would be a success already, but no, they had sent some two-bit general who had his ship blown up by a flying box. If they had sent him he would have destroyed Darkstaar and the emissaries to Earth and they would already be winning the WAR with Earth blissfully unaware.

No the Trimedian didn't matter, but finding and killing Chase Darkstaar did. And like a dog with a bone to pick, he would find Darkstaar.

***

Across the Universe another man was unhappy, deeply unhappy. This man also wanted Chase Darkstaar dead. This man was Freddy No Fingers.

Darkstaar had crossed him and no man crosses Freddy No Fingers. No one! Darkstaar owed him and should have paid his dues; that was the code; that was what kept a whole Universe of villains from tearing themselves apart. It's what kept men like him wealthy.

And if people found out that someone had crossed him and gotten away with it, what would happen? They would all take their chances, all start to skip out on payments, all start to think he was weak. Well he wasn't weak, he was strong, strong enough to find and kill that miserable little hitman.

And like Trillo, he had his spies out looking for him, but unlike Trillo he had a spy who had found him and his little gang. And now Chase Darkstaar and all his little friends would die.

***

"So, let's just go over the plan again," suggested Milk not wanting Chase to be playing it on the fly, or even get ideas of doing such a thing.

"OK," said Chase as they sat in a lovely little tea shop drinking Earl Grey tea at a white linened table, "Jimmy and I go in, get my memory jogged find the stuff I hid and then you guys come in The Wild Rover and blast us out."

"And that's it, is it?" asked Milk

"What's wrong with that?" Chase asked back.

"Well, if I may intrude, quite a lot" said Dr. Hendricks.

"OK, Doc, shoot."

"Well, firstly what if you don't remember?"

"I have done so far."

"Yes, indeed, so far," mused the good Doctor. "Secondly, how will we know when you have found it?"

"Dat's a good point, mon," added Jimmy known as Jazz.

"Yeah, OK, give us three days max. Visit me on the second day to see how it's going."

"T'ree days? Dat be a long time in prison, brudder."

"Sorry, didn't realise you were such a big girl."

"Hey," protested Julianna.

"Sorry."

"You should be saying sorry to me," Jimmy pointed out.

"What? To a big girl?"

"Hey," protested Julianna again.

"OK, OK, sorry to both of you. Look Jimmy you don't have to come, but I could do with your back up, bro," apologised and explained Chase.

"And what do we do until then?" asked Julianna

"Dunno, have some fun, buy some clothes and things. Bond," said Chase.

"Sounds like we have gotten the good end of the plan," Dr. Hendricks said with a smile.

"You be telling me," said Jimmy.

"Girl," said Chase.

***

Haptoes Road was one long leafy road and the prison sat right on the road. The walls were a good 12 metres high and a dull grey colour. Here there were no tress, nothing that could help you in an escape. The prison was surprisingly big for a planet with little to no serious crime. One of the reasons the prison had been built there was as a deterrent to anyone on the planet, or indeed within the solar system, from committing non-violent crimes such as fraud. It became an even bigger deterrent when the prison began opening (and then closing and locking) it's doors to prisoners from the rest of the galaxy and then Universe.

As has been noted, Ovian was incredibly rich and could afford the best police as well as the insanely expensive eye-net. This didn't just stop crime, but stopped prison breaks; anyone who did was hunted down mercilessly by the police. The prison of New Tannock was seen as one of the toughest prisons and impenetrable and the people of New Tannock put up with it because of that and because of the huge fees they charged for others to imprison people there.

The five of them walked along the pavement that ran beside the prison, they had already passed the formidable gates and had a peak in from the corners of their eyes.

"Doesn't look so bad," Chase commented.

"Which part of de 12 metre high walls don't look so bad?" asked Jimmy.

"Could be 20 metres," Chase pointed out. "Anyway, you never been to prison before?"

"Never deliberately."

"Well that's the beauty isn't it? We're not going to serve time, we're going in on a mission. It'll be fun."

"De only mon I know who can find prison fun," Jimmy said as he shook his head.

They said their fare-thee-wells at another tea shop and Chase and Jimmy went off to hand themselves in.

"It just gets weirder, doesn't it?" asked Julianna.

"It certainly seems to," Dr. Hendricks agreed. "Now what do you propose we do?"

"It's getting late, I think we should find a hotel and then some dinner," proposed Milk.

"Sounds like a fine idea," agreed Julianna.

"Well, let us be off on our little jaunt and hope Jimmy and Chase fair well on theirs," said the good Doctor.

***

At the time that Julianna, Hendricks and Milk were checking into a modest hotel, Jimmy and Chase were getting a good old fashion police beating.

"Escape from our prison will you?" asked Warden Howie Pickett in what would never be known as polite.

"Sorry are you asking about the future or is that rhetorical?" asked Chase kneeling in the centre of a small cell.

Pickett slapped him with a sap.

"I'm sorry, don't beat me," Chase mocked servitude, "I just can't stand poor grammar in fighting talk."

"I'm going to beat that cheekiness out of you boy," growled Pickett who was a fearsomely big man, even being a good ten years or so older than Chase.

"When did good conversation die on Jesperr?" asked Chase and the next blow knocked him out.

Warden Howie Pickett walked over and into another cell in the short corridor to find Jimmy kneeling on the floor with a penal officer watching over him.

"You can wait outside," Pickett growled at the officer who looked ashen having heard the beating Chase had taken.

Pickett stood in front of Jimmy who looked up at him and then sapped him.

"You going to be a cheeky as your friend?"

"Dunno, mon, ten being the cheekiest, how cheeky was he?" Jimmy asked innocently and got another blow.

"On a scale of one to ten, ten being the hardest, how hard do you think I hit you then?"

"I'm hoping for about nine."

"Lower."

Jimmy shrugged. "Eight"

Pickett smiled. "Lower."

"Mon, you gonna beat me or we gonna play kiddy games all night?"

The sap slammed into him again.

"It be de games den, right?"

The next hit knocked him out cold.

***

Milk, Julianna and Dr. Hendricks had just finished a nice meal in a cosy restaurant; they sat back in contentment sharing a bottle of Jonny Skyewalker.

"You know, I don't know the last time I felt so content with my life," commented Dr. Hendricks lighting his pipe.

"Kind of an odd thing to say considering the situation," replied Milk jingling the ice in his glass.

"Not, I suppose, if you know my life," Hendricks mused.

"Yeah, you said you were in the Navy, what happened there?" asked Milk.

"Pour me another drink, would you? It's a long tall story."

Julianna topped up all their drinks as the Doc looked out into his mind.

THE STORY OF DR. HENDRICKS

"I was a young man when the Laikan War started, although no one really talks about it these days, it wasn't really that long ago, you know. Just a matter of decades. Anyway, most of my race didn't like the rules and regulations of the UTN, we were a young race, we really had no idea about living a civilized life, not too long before we had been Earthen dogs, companions of man rather than equals. I don't think many could really understand or perhaps cope with the stress. Anyway, I wasn't one of those, I saw an opportunity with the UTN, saw a chance of a better life and I signed up for the Navy. I lost everything by doing that, I was disowned by my family, by my friends, by my race.

"I wasn't the only one to do so and when the Laikan War started we were the most hated, the most hunted, but we didn't care, we knew that we were fighting for peace; fighting to give everyone the chance to develop and maybe even expand the known Universe.

"I remember I fought as a fighter pilot in The Battle of the Languina Galaxy, it was a terrible battle. The fighting in the Loliquay Solar System was some of the most bloody in the whole war. The galaxy's core planet of Chun was getting bombarded from space by the Laikan bombarders and we had to take them down.

"We were the first unit to go in, ahead of our cruisers to cut down enough guns so that our battle formation, which was much smaller I might add, wouldn't be destroyed. It was a suicide mission and we knew it, but went in with gusto.

"Space outside of Chun was filled with ships of the Laikan Alliance and we managed to slip under their radars being so small, but as soon as we jointly opened fire on one of the smaller cruisers, fighters were released and we were swarmed.

"I flew over the cruiser to try and hit the bridge and two fighters came up behind me, I jinked left and right avoiding their lasers and another UTN fighter sped over my top and took out the two fighters in a deft manoeuvre; that was Tobe Jenkins I recall. Another three fighters came over the ship and shot at Tobe, but I was already turning and shot at one, the other being too close got hit by the explosion and span out of control into the cruiser.

By now I knew it was too hard to get the bridge and swung over the ship with Tobe and as he took down fighters left and right I nailed the hanger with two torpedoes.

"As the explosion ripped through the ship, we swung back and, lying close to the surface of the cruiser to avoid the cannons, Tobe launched his torpedoes into the cruiser. It was finished, you could see the internal explosions, but that was when I realized how little chance we had out there; it had taken two ships and all our torpedoes to take down that one ship and there were too many more; bigger ones at that. All we could do was try and clear Space of the enemy fighters.

"We spent an hour of dog fighting before our own cruisers joined the battle and we had lost three quarters of our squadron. NO one cared as we were Laikans and Merricks. I was hit as I returned to my cruiser, but was close enough to the hanger that I used the last of my fading engine to speed up and then when the engine died I coasted in, just made it, tore up the bottom of my ship and worsened my injuries enough that I was sent to a hospital ship.

"This is where I met my future wife, she had been a radar operator on a cruiser that got hit.

"She wasn't badly hurt and she helped a lot in my own rehabilitation, which the overstretched nurses loved and left her to it. You can see how I fell in love with her.

"The war only lasted another two or three years, but in that time we were married and she became pregnant. But me, I was young and there was a war on and I kept going to fight even though I could have taken compassionate leave.

"I fought in one of the last major battles of the war, right at the end of the Universe where the Laikans now hold their galaxies. At the end of the battle which we resoundly lost, we retreated and it was back on the cruiser that I got the news that my pregnant wife had died in a mugging. Despite being heavily pregnant she was forced to go out to the shop late at night and had been dragged into an alleyway and knifed. She had bled to death slowly and why? Because I wasn't there to look after her, I was fighting a war I didn't need to be in.

By the end we had built up our Navy, we had more money than the Laikan Alliance and we had new ships and fresh recruits, I could have left and looked after my wife, but I didn't, I was strong headed and wanted glory, wanted to be able to say that I was someone, hold my head up as one of the few Laikans in the UTN.

"But what I got was loss and though I returned a hero I left the Navy, became a doctor and finally took up Archaeology and swore that I would never leave those I loved again.

Which until you turned up at my office, wasn't anyone. In all those years I couldn't bring myself to love again, never got remarried even though there were women who would have. When you came to my office I was just wasting away, but now I have friends again; and maybe a shot at redemption."

He finished talking and finished his whisky. Milk just stared at him and Julianna wiped away the tears streaming down her cheeks.

"Another drink, I think," he said and reached for the bottle, but Milk got there first.

"It would be an honour," he said and poured the good Doctor a drink and then one for Julianna and himself. She raised her glass.

"To friends," she toasted and they clinked and drank.

BREAKING OUT

Talking of friends, Chase and Jimmy were in prison and already facing hassle.

"You're sitting at my table," said a big tattooed brute of a man.

Chase and Jimmy, sitting opposite each other in the prison canteen looked up at the brute.

"Well then pull up a chair," Chase said and smiled.

"I don't think you understand," the brute said.

"We're at your table, right?" he asked.

"Yes."

Chase looked at Jimmy.

"Seems we do understand," he told his friend.

"On de same page," Jimmy replied.

"We're not even in the same book," said the brute and they both looked back up at him.

"You're very well spoken for a prison inmate," Chase told him and he stood there looking confused.

"Thank you," he replied slowly. "Just because I look like this, doesn't mean I'm dumb. I run the library here you know."

"We didn't know that, did we, Jim?"

"No. Didn't know dat," Jimmy agreed to Chase and then looked back up. "Why not join us, mon, I could do wit' more highbrow conversation."

"But, I told you, this is my table," said the brute.

"Well can we join you then?" asked Chase.

The brute thought for a moment.

"OK," he said and sat down.

"I'm Chase Darkstaar and this is my friend, Jimmy Jazz," Chase introduced and hands were shook all round.

"I'm Chubbs MacFarlane, and you know what, no one has ever stood up to me."

"Well, you're a big scary man," noted Chase.

"True, but it's not so much that," Chubbs said sadly, "the fact is that I am an outcast here, no one challenges me because they generally just ignore me."

"Because you be a big, scary mon?" asked Jimmy.

"Because I have brains and they cannot understand that, normally they would just beat me up for it, but they know I would crush their empty skulls. So they just ignore me."

"That is sad," said Chase, "but Jimmy and I have no problems with brains, in fact we could probably do with some."

"You want to be friends?" asked Chubbs.

"You bet," said Chase and Chubbs beamed at him.

***

Chase, Jimmy and Chubbs sat in a library that was unsurprisingly empty.

"Listen Chubbs, we do need your help," said Chase.

"OK, what can I do for you?"

"Well, I was here briefly five years ago and I hid something I need to find," Chase explained.

"I don't remember you," said a puzzled Chubbs.

"It was very brief, just a day I think."

"How did you escape?"

"No idea," Chase shrugged, "But that's not what's important, what is important is that Jimmy and I retrieve what I hid and escape."

"How are you going to escape?" asked Chubbs who was both intrigued and confused. Contrigued or maybe infused. No, he wasn't infused, that means something entirely different. Contrigued it is then.

"We have friends on de outside," Jimmy told him.

"OK, so where did you hide this, what is it again?"

"Dunno," Chase said a little apologetically.

"He los' his memory," Jimmy thought it best to explain.

"OK, so where did you hide whatever it is that you hid?"

"Cell 42. That I do remember."

Chubbs looked down at the floor and let out a long slow breath.

"What up, mon?" asked Jimmy.

Chubbs looked up at Jimmy and then at Chase.

"That is Sonny Spalding's cell. The meanest crook in here."

"Well I'm sure he can listen to reason," said Chase hopefully.

"Oh yes," said Chubbs dryly, "reason is his middle name."

"OK, well it can't hurt to ask, right?" said Chase.

"With Sonny? Yes, yes it can," Chubbs told them.

"If Milk was here," said Jimmy, "he'd say 'great' right about now."

***

They went to lockdown and Chubbs quickly got them on library duty with him, he had, he told them, a fair bit of pull having been there so long.

Nothing much ever happened in the library so they had most of the time to themselves. Whenever anyone did come in for a book Chubbs treated them like kings, was all over the place to find the right book for them. Chase found it elating and saddening at the same time. The life of a con wasn't much of a life at all.

They didn't have much of a plan so they decided to go out and see Sonny Spalding at the next exercise break. Chubbs kept telling them it was pointless and probably dangerous, but Chase wanted to scope out the man and his crew and hoped to form a plan once he had met Spalding. Hoped.

They went to bed for the night and Chase ran different plans and scenarios though his mind before he decided running made him tired and went to sleep instead.

***

The next day was a gloriously bright and breezy day and Julianna woke early and lay in bed thinking about Chase and Jimmy in prison. Chase had definitely changed; the old Chase would never put himself in a dangerous situation like this for someone else. She was glad that he had changed, glad for him that perhaps he could lead a happier life after all this was over. If it was ever over. Milk had spoken of war, intergalactic WAR, now that was a scary thing. But then again they were on this mission in order to stop that WAR. They really had to succeed.

She also thought about her feelings for Chase and, yes, she had to admit she did have feelings for him; he was a handsome man and he was in control of himself and life and moreover he was giving himself to help others. But was that love? Could she see herself being with him forever? Part of her doubted it, part of her wanted to shut up that stupid doubter and be happy; I mean who else was going to love a washed up prostitute? Part of her said he was the best that she could ever get, part of her said that 'the best she could get' wasn't worth shabbus and she should find someone who saw through her imperfections and saw the real her. Did Chase see that? Probably, she thought, but did he love that? She didn't know. She had a tug of war inside her stomach, but she was a practical woman and right now they had people to break out of prison.

She got up and had a shower and was just dressed when there was a sharp knock on the door.

"Who is it?" she called.

"It's Milk, open the door," he demanded.

"Just give me five minutes, OK?" she called.

"No, Julianna, right now," he demanded again.

Argh! How irritating. What could he want?

She opened the door and found out. Behind Milk stood the Cantorvial, Cantor, Freddy No Fingers right hand man and she guessed he had a gun to Milk's back.

"Well, well, altogether again," rasped Cantor. "Well, most of us."

"What the hell do you want this early in the morning?" Julianna snapped.

"The boss invites you to breakfast," Cantor smiled.

They were taken to a small, but empty considering No Finger's presence, café. They added guns to their morning dressing, but these had been taken away and as they sat down opposite Freddy the guns were laid out on another table.

"Quite the little arsenal you have these days," Freddy noted.

"Pays to be prepared," Milk said.

"Not so prepared were you though? Not prepared for ol' Freddy," he mused.

"It would seem not," noted Hendricks.

"No, who is?" asked Freddy rhetorically.

"I hear the Grim Reaper is waiting," said Milk.

Freddy laughed.

"Indeed, but he gets his bribe the same as everyone else. Now down to business," he laid his hands on the table, "What would you like to drink?"

"I haven't had my morning tea yet," said Dr. Hendricks, "really can't concentrate without one."

Freddy nodded.

"I'll have a Meenaamjai as will Julianna," said Milk.

"A bit early for strong liquor, isn't it?" asked Freddy eyebrows a-raised.

"Not when your day starts with a criminal who wants to kill you. Right, Julianna?" Milk looked her straight in the eyes and then flicked his eyes down to Freddy's lighter on the table. She took a quick look and understood.

"Yes, Milk's right, I like a stiff one in the morning," she winked at Freddy who laughed and then looked back at Milk.

She understood Milk's plan; Meenaamjai was not only a strong alcohol, but highly flammable, Milk was hoping to somehow use it to escape.

"Such a feisty girl," commented Freddy as he took the lighter and lit a large cigar. "I don't want to kill any of you; I just want Chase and the so called Jimmy Jazz."

"Ahh, well they're already in prison," said the Doc lighting his pipe.

"Really? Prison? Here?"

"Oh yes," said Hendricks just before Milk could painfully squeeze his leg.

"Well, well," said Freddy thoughtfully.

"So your problem is solved," continued Julianna hoping for a solution, "Jimmy has disappeared as you asked."

"Well that is true in it's way," said Freddy as the drinks arrived.

"So, you don't really need us anymore do you," Milk pointed out.

"In many ways that is also true, but I don't trust any of you, so you will stay with me until I know different. And just in case you feel differently you should know that I have had your ship impounded at the port," he smiled.

Coming after the drinks was the breakfast Freddy had ordered. A full Chang breakfast.

Milk eyed it as did Julianna. The Chang was a delight of the Universe and once placed on the table was set alight. Once the flames had died the eater had the finest breakfast known to all (except connoisseurs who sniff at anything everyone else likes) in the galaxy.

As the waiter brought the dish to the table Julianna deftly scooped Freddy's light off the table, lit it and threw it on the dish that was now being lowered in front of Freddy. It exploded in front of him setting his clothes alight.

At the same time Milk kicked the table forward pinning Freddy; pouring Meenaamjai into his mouth he picked up one of the dainty candles from the table in the same motion and spat the liquid through it toward the nearest guard. The flaming alcohol hit the Cantorvial and set his clothes alight. Hendricks at the end of the table rolled off his chair, swiped a Reutorgian guard at his knees and grabbed a gun off of the table, shooting two other guards as he stood up.

Milk and Julianna were up and out, picking up their guns as the three of them ran for the door, Milk shooting two more guards to get them to the door. Then they were in the street and running.

The other men stationed to Freddy had to make sure he was alright before they could chase and the trio got two blocks without being shot at.

"This is a fascinating city, you know?" said Hendricks as they ran.

"Save it for later, Doc," shouted Milk as full sprint.

"Lots of underground canals," Hendricks shouted back pleasantly.

"As I said, save it," shouted Milk annoyed.

"No, wait, I see what he's saying," shouted Juliana, also flat out, "we can escape in the underground canals."

"Bingo," shouted the good Doctor rather pleased someone had got it sooner rather than later.

***

Chase, Jimmy and Chubbs were in the canteen for their own morning breakfast and Chubbs pointed Sonny Spalding out to them. Just by looking at him you could tell he was dangerous. Not as big as Chubbs, but still a formidable Human and he had something Chubbs didn't, a wild nature, it was like looking over at a dangerous wild animal.

"Who's the posse with him?" Chase asked Chubbs as they sat over the other side of the room from where Sonny and his crew were lining up to get their food.

"The Tarancort behind him is Snake McManamon, the Albertine is Shakes Malone and behind McManamon is Causeway Johnson."

"Causeway?" Jimmy asked. "What kinda name be that? I mean how you go about getting de nickname 'Causeway'?"

"Nobody knows," replied Chubbs.

"Well anyone asked?" asked Jimmy.

"Not that I know of."

"Well den," Jimmy said and stood up.

"Well then what?" asked Chase grabbing Jimmy's wrist. "Where are you going?"

"Seriously, I'm curious, mon. How'd he get dat name?"

"You will just get hurt," insisted Chubbs.

"Look you wanna scope dem out and I wanna know about his nickname. I'm gonna find out and scope all at de same time," he pulled his arm free from Chase and wandered over to the still queuing prison gang.

"Hi dere," he said to 'Causeway' with a grin, "You 'Causeway' Johnson?"

"So what if I am, new fish?" 'Causeway' growled dangerously back.

"Well, I be interested how you got de nickname 'Causeway'? I mean a causeway be a roadway raised above water or marshland. My question is, what do you have to do to get a nickname like dat?"

Sonny Spalding spun Jimmy by the shoulder to face him and grabbed him by the collar of his prison uniform.

"It's dangerous to ask too many questions," he growled deeply as danger oozed off him and puddled on the floor.

"Dat maybe so, but if I didn't I wouldn't sleep t'inking about it and den I be all cranky on de morrow," Jimmy explained calmly.

"You won't be able to sleep thinking about your broken arm," Spalding threatened.

"You're going to break his arm because he asked a question?" Chase asked.

"Who are you?" Shakes Malone.

"I'm the new number one con in this prison," Chase told him breezily.

Spalding let go of Jimmy and turned to Chase.

"Is that so?" he asked with raised eyebrows.

"Yep," Chase grinned at him.

Quick as lightening Spalding took a shank out of his belt and lunged it at Chase's stomach, but Chase was quicker, he side stepped, brought a knee up under Spalding's wrist as he brought his elbow down, breaking the wrist between said elbow and knee.

The noise of shattering bones was heard across the canteen. Everyone stopped, no one dared to breathe, some new fish had just broken Sonny Spalding's bones.

Chase stepped back and Spalding staggered backwards clutching his wrist and seething in pain and anger. Shakes, Causeway and Snake stepped forward, but Chubbs joined Jimmy and Chase and seeing him they backed off and led their leader out of the canteen.

The three of them sat back down to their food.

"Are you insane?" Chubbs whispered unbelievingly. "Spalding will kill you."

"Nah, he won't," reassured Chase.

"How can you say that? You've only been here a day."

"Exactly," said Chase sitting back. "I'm an intergalactic hitman, I've spent the last few weeks being chased by Laikans, mobsters, and Durden Raiders. Spalding might be a big fish in here, but he ain't nothing in the real Universe."

"Maybe that's true, I have been in here too long," conceded Chubbs, "but at the same time how is having Sonny after you going to make life easier?"

"He not be about making life easy, Chubbs," noted Jimmy and Chase grinned at him.

"It's the new plan," Chase stated. "You're right, Chubbs, there's no way we're going to get into Spalding's cell. Even when he's in the yard someone would see us and tell him. What we need is a distraction."

"And what would that be? What would be so distracting that no one would notice you slipping into Sonny's cell?" Chubbs asked contrigued.

Yep, aiming to get it into the dictionary.

"Why, a good old fashioned prison riot," Chase told them.

***

The underground canals were dark and damp, but a lot of light came down though grates and drains and Milk could see that the canals had been built excellently. There was the channel of water with walkways on either side and a high arched ceiling. All in all, for what was basically a drainage system, it was very pleasant.

Something scuttled up ahead and the three of them stopped.

"What was that?" asked Julianna.

"Probably just rats," Milk said.

"Didn't sound like rats," said Dr. Hendricks, "Sounded bigger and bipedal."

"Bipedal?" asked Milk.

"Yes, you know, two legs."

"Yes, I know that, but how do you hear 'bipedal'?"

"Well, the sound of the footsteps."

"Pawsteps, or clawsteps or whatever," said Milk, "it was rats."

They continued on.

"Being underneath a city we don't know, where do you think it's safe to go up?" asked Julianna.

"I guess we keep in this direction for a while and then go up and hope," shrugged Milk.

Something else scurried ahead of them.

"Bipedal," said Hendricks.

"Rats," said Milk. "Ten space pounds."

"You, sir, are on," agreed Hendricks.

They carried on, but again the scurrying came.

"I'm with the Doc, that's not rats," agreed Julianna and pulled her gun.

"Put that away," hissed Milk, "if it isn't rats and you pull a gun then whatever it is will think we're hostile."

And Julianna holstered her weapon as they walked into a cavern where four canals intersected at right angles. And here they stopped as they found said cavern filled with Humanoid shapes. Humanoid shapes with guns.

These gun toting figures had short bodies with very long legs and where any self-respecting Human would have a bottom they had fish like tails. Their heads were elongated and on closer inspection you would see gills.

"Vot do you vant?" called one of the armed fishy Human things.

"Oh, just passing through," Hendricks said breezily. There was much muttering, they seemed contrigued.

"Just pazzing through?" the one that had spoken spake again.

And yes, spake is a word, it's the archaic past tense.

"Indeed, just going from here to there," Hendricks explained reasonably.

"Vell, vell," the speaker seemed thoroughly contrigued, "vell you can't!"

"Really? Why not?" asked Hendricks.

"Vell, I mean, it'z juzt that, vell, I don't know."

"You don't know?"

"Vell, it's juzt that no one has ever juzt, you know, pazzed through."

"Well always time for a first, is there not?" the good Doctor inquired.

"No, you mean uz harm, you were zent by the polize," another being shouted out.

"The police?" asked Julianna, "I can assure you we're not with the police."

"Oh, you azzure uz do you?" asked the first speaker sarcastically.

"We're actually escaping gangsters," Julianna explained, "all we need to do is get to the space port."

There was more murmuring.

"They don't look to be from the polize," someone called.

"That's vhy it'z a trap!" shouted another.

"Do ve have to be zo paranoid all the time?" another chipped in dejectedly.

"In our zituation, yez we do," exclaimed another.

"I'm tired of living like this," another shouted.

"I'm tired of hiding!"

"Oh yeah? And vot do you zuggezt we do vith the leader in prizon?" another called out, but there was no response.

"Your leader is in prison?" asked Milk. "We're breaking someone out of prison in a few days, maybe we can help."

That set the murmuring off again, but this time much more vivid.

"You, you can do that?" asked the first speaker when the murmuring died down.

"Sure," said Milk. "You want us to break your leader out too?"

There was a stunned silence.

"Vell, that vould be jolly nize of you," said the first speaker.

"Then it's done," confirmed Milk.

***

Chase, Jimmy and Chubbs sat in the library; there had been a lot more people in and out, but that was mainly to look at the man who had broken Sonny Spalding's wrist. The rumour mill, they discovered, was going over time with many varied and fantastic-in-the-original-sense-of-the-word stories that all agreed on one thing. Spalding was going to kill Chase. And Jimmy. And probably Chubbs too.

"So I still don't get it," said Chubbs, "how is Sonny wanting to kill us going to start a riot?"

"Well, you have to start a riot somehow, I mean there's got to be tensions brewing already right? Well we just cranked up that tension."

"But it is not tension, it is just Spalding wanting to kill you," Chubbs thought aloud.

"Ahh, but now we gets ourselves a little gang and den it be looking like it could go to war and if dat happened udder people will have scores to settle, udder people may want to see Spalding out of de way too."

"And that's where you come in, we really need a fixer, someone who can orchestrate our devilish little plan," Chase grinned at him.

"OK, I know a guy, but his price is going to be high," Chubbs thought aloud again, which is really just speaking, right?

"Money be no problem, right Chase?"

"None at all, Jim."

"Oh, not money, freedom."

***

Milk, Julianna and Hendricks were now sitting in a very comfortable set of rooms off of the main passage. Well they weren't sitting in a set of rooms, just one which was a part of a set. I just wanted you to know that there was more than one room.

Anyway.

The room had pillows all over the floor and these they reclined on along with the leader whose name was a series of dolphin like clicks, but who went by the Earthen name, Frank.

"It iz generally thought that the Ovian galaxy woz empty ven it voz dizcovered, but thiz iz not true. Ve are the original inhabitantz of Jesperr.

"Ven the UTN came they found many preciouz metalz and they vanted them, but ve lived at von vith nature, ve didn't vant our planet ruined. They drove uz out of our homez, they built citiez and minez and ve lived in the foreztz and riverz.

"But leaderz aroze who helped uz to fight back, to come into the citiez and demand our rightz. Our leader iz, vell hiz Earthen name iz Floyd. He iz the one in prizon. Zinze hiz capture, ve have not been able to fight, ve can only hide down here."

"What do you mean you haven't been able to fight?" asked Milk.

"Ve do not have the leadership skillz to fight them, ve do not have the zpeaking zkillz that our leader haz."

"That's awful, how long have you been down here?" Julianna asked with pity.

"Ten yearz now," Frank said sadly looking at the floor.

"You've been hiding down here for ten years?" Milk asked with astonishment and Frank just nodded his drooped head.

"Why then, may I ask," Hendricks spoke up, "do you have so many guns?"

"Vell," Frank said looking up at the Doc, "the polize come down zometimez to try and flush uz out, zo ve have to defend ourzelvez."

"So you can fight then," said Milk.

"Only defenze, ve do not have the leadership to attack," Frank explained again glumly.

"Why don't you just go back to the forests? Why live under the city?" Julianna asked.

Frank looked at her intensely.

"Ve vill not leave our leader, ve vill not back down nor admit defeat. Our leader told uz that," he said passionately.

"OK, OK," soothed Milk. "Look we'll help you get your leader out, but first you're going to have to help us get our ship back."

And so a plan began to form.

***

Jimmy and Chase were sitting at a table in the library when Chubbs came in followed by four liberally mean looking men. He led them over to the table and one man took a seat opposite Chase.

"Gentlemen this is Terd Ferguson, he's the man who can help you with your little plan," Chubbs introduced.

"I'm sorry, come again? Your name's Turd?" asked an amazed Chase.

"It's spelt with an 'e'," growled Ferguson. Seems everyone growls in this prison...

"Well, yeah, but it's still pronounced 'turd', I mean..." Chase trailed off.

"Do you want my help or not?" Ferguson asked rising out of his seat.

"Yeah, yeah, mon, we do. Ignore Chase, he not so bright," Jimmy stepped in.

"Alright," Ferguson said and sat back down, "but listen here, I'm only in on this 'cause Chubbs here says you can break us out, that you got people on the outside."

"Not a problem," retorted Chase.

"You seem confident. Too confident," Ferguson said and leaned forward.

Chase also leaned forward. "I am. I am because I've got a good crew and a fast and heavily armed ship," he leaned back. "I've also got natural flair and ability," he grinned at Ferguson.

Ferguson stood.

"Rubbish, no armed ship can get through the Eye-Net."

"Sit down," Chase commanded with authority and to Chubb's surprise Ferguson did. "I told you, my man, natural flair and ability."

While this went on Jimmy studied Ferguson's crew, later they would be introduced as Bones Castille, a tall wiry man with a skinhead; Not John Roberts who looked a lot like John Roberts, but wasn't and Big Nick who was a dwarf, a very mean dwarf. Terd himself was a big man, a good looking bloke in that rough, rugged, scarred, women-would-for-the-dangerous-thrill-but-would-then-marry-an-accountant type way. He had thick, finely coiffured hair and like all of his gang he had no tattoos.

When Jimmy came out of his thoughts Chase was explaining the rough outline of his plan, explaining what they would need to do.

"What about you, Chubbs, you breaking out wit' us?" Jimmy asked.

"Well, I don't know about that, I mean, I would love to see my wife and kid again, it's been a long old time, but, well they've probably moved on haven't they? And I have my library here, I don't know life on the outside anymore. Perhaps it's better for me to stay," Chubbs said whistfully.

"What? Rubbish. It be a hell of a big Universe, you'll find somewhere to fit into," Jimmy countered.

"Plenty of libraries," Chase added.

"Let us see when the time comes," gave in Chubbs.

A guard walked in and motioned at Chase to follow him. Everyone tensed thinking that this could be part of a reprise from Spalding, but it wasn't. It was visiting time.

***

Julianna sat in a visitor's booth the other side of the reinforced glass. You'd think it would be more high tech than that, but well, if it ain't broke... or, you know, couldn't be broke...

"How're you coping?" she asked genuinely concerned.

"Fine fine, broke the meanest cons wrist this morning and we're gearing up for a riot," Chase whispered across. They didn't need phones it was all mic'ed up.

"They might be listening," Julianna whispered viciously.

"They're not, they can't. Against Universal law. If they're found to be doing it, the prisoner who complains can get released on Prison Violation," he thought for a moment. "Which is also something to avoid."

"Enough of the jokes, the plan's changed a bit," she continued to whisper.

"What? You can't change the plan from the outside. That's my job," protested Chase at a normal volume.

"We had to, The Wild Rover has been impounded," she whispered urgently.

"What? By whom?" Chase asked.

"Freddy No Fingers," she whispered.

"Oh, not him again," Chase complained to the ceiling.

"It's OK, we've got help, it's just that for them to help, you need to break an extra person out."

"Tell me," Chase said wearily.

***

The riot and escape was set for two days hence, it was, as were all of Chase's plans, not very good. Anything could go wrong, I mean what if Julianna, Milk and the Doc can't break the Wild Rover out of the impound? Then Chase and Jimmy are involved in a full scale riot and will subsequently be locked up with a lot of people who don't like them. Has Chase thought about this? Yes, he gave it a fleeting glance on the way to thinking about his first Chokdee cocktail when he got out.

The riot wasn't that hard to organise; as Chase had said there was a lot of bad blood in the prison, everyone had a beef with someone and emotions were already high when Chase and Jimmy had entered and broken Spalding's wrist. If some new fish could come in and throw the balance out, then anyone could.

Terd put out the rumour that Chase was going to finish what he started with Spalding, whose people were already planning on wiping out Chase and Jimmy. Terd also called in some favours.

You see they could start a fight, but what they needed was a full scale riot and that meant that some other people, once things kicked off, had to join in. So Terd called in some favours, making sure other people would join the fight. That too wasn't very hard as Terd pointed out that a riot was the perfect opportunity for them to settle scores and that when the dust settled they could find themselves on top of the heap.

While Terd was organizing a riot and Jimmy and Chase were hiding in the library with Chubbs; Milk, Dr. Hendricks and a band of Jesperrians went to the Space port to scout out the impoundment of The Wild Rover. It didn't look good. No Fingers had pulled a lot of strings, or at least his purse strings and not only were there a lot of cops, but also a number of Freddy's men including Cantor. Thankfully the ship wasn't really impounded; it was still in the space port, just surrounded. I guess Freddy didn't think three people would try to get the ship back against a hoard of police. Actually, I don't guess, I know. I'm clever like that.

While they surveyed the situation Julianna had snuck up top to make a phone call. A weird phone call. Don't ask me how she got the number, I haven't thought about that yet.

***

People on Earth have long gone on about the idea of a phone with cameras so that you can see the people you are talking to. This has, since its first conception, been a mightily stupid idea. What if you're bored by your mother-in-law's call? Do you want her to see that? What if you've run to the phone from the shower? Or the girl you fancy rings and gets you out of bed? It's not always a good idea for people to see you on the phone, but you can't turn the camera off or the caller will wonder why. Your wife calls while away on business and you have the camera off? She'll assume you're having an affair. There're loads of other examples I could give, but you'd just stop reading. Or you'll start thinking of your own and stop concentrating on the plot, you'll never know who Julianna called and why it was bad that she was on a video phone. So let's get on with it.

"Who are you?" said the man on the other end of the phone.

"That's not important," Julianna said.

"Really? I would think it is, I mean how can I have a conversation with you if I don't know who you are? I'd have to keep referring to you as 'you'. I mean how do I know if it's even worth talking if I don't know who you are?" the man asked.

"OK, OK, shabbus, my name is Julianna," Julianna said.

A lightbulb went off over the man's head.

He turned off camera and said, "Can someone fix that lightbulb?"

And then he realized something more important.

"I do know who you are! There was a WANTED message, you're the ones who attacked The Starbeam," he accused.

"The Starbeam?"

"The Durden mothership," he explained.

"Really? It's called 'The Starbeam'?"

"Yeah? So?"

"Well, you know," she fumbled.

"No. No, I don't know. What?"

"Well, it's a bit camp isn't it? I mean for Durden Raiders," she bit back a giggle.

"Not at all," he protested.

"And what's your ship called?" she hiccupped with the effort of not laughing.

"The, er, the..." he said and mumbled something.

"I'm sorry I didn't catch that."

"The Greased Lightening," he blurted.

That was too much and she broke into gales of laughter.

"I'm going to put the phone down," he moped angrily. Can I merge mope and angrily into one word? No. No I can't.

"OK, OK, I'm sorry," she panted and pulled in a long breath.

"You're wanted for murder, why am I even talking to you?" he asked testily.

"Because you have a lot of Durden Raiders locked up in the New Tannock prison on Jesperr," she stated.

The Durden Raider spoke off camera and then waited. After thirty seconds he looked back at the camera.

"We do. So?"

"Well we're breaking people out of there tomorrow and they will be bringing Terd Ferguson and others with them and they want to be picked up."

"Now hold up, little missy. You're wanted for murder, for attacking a Durden ship. You think we're going to fall for this shabbus?"

Julianna wished it hadn't been a video phone (told you, didn't I?) and took a deep breath, Chase had told her about Ferguson and she knew that without the assurance of his escape, he wasn't in.

"They took me captive, my friends came and broke me out, that's fair isn't it? I mean you'd do the same wouldn't you?"

"Well," the man thought, "yes that seems fair. But look, don't you think that if we could break those guys out we would have already? There're a lot of Raiders in that prison and because of that security is tight. Not just at the prison, but with space defence."

"True, but we have a heavily armed ship on the planet already. We're going to blast our way in and then, if you bring a nondescript ship, they will be too busy trying to chase us and ignore an unarmed ship like yours. Sound worth it?"

"No, it doesn't. There's no way a heavily armed ship could even get into this galaxy."

"Our ship has undetectable weapons," she repeated what Chase had told her. "Now does it sound worth it?"

"For Terd Ferguson? Yes, it sounds worth it. Mad cap, but worth it. I'll be honest, Bob wasn't that popular in the first place. Give me the details."

"I'll call you back in a few hours with them, for now start heading this way," she said and hung up.

And went to visit Chase.

***

The day of the riot came and all was set. Well I say set, it was a stupid plan, but as Milk will note that the next time we go back to them, I won't steal his thunder.

Sonny Spalding got out of hospital and thankfully for Chase and Jimmy none of his crew had dared make a move on them until Spalding was back amongst general population. It was well known that Spalding wanted to kill them personally.

But now he was out and he was looking for blood and that suited Chase's plan. The thing with riots was that they are best left to drain themselves away, there's no point risking the lives of guards when there was no way of stopping it anyway. That was what Chase needed, that was why Terd Ferguson had called in favours. The riot had to quickly escalate to a point where the guards would pull back. That this would happen wasn't a definite, the whole plan rested on a lot of ifs and maybes, but there I go stealing Milk's thunder. Let's let him get it off his chest.

***

"You know this is a stupid plan, right?" Milk asked as they prepared to leave for the space port.

"Aren't they all?" asked Julianna wearily.

"Yes, but think about it; this plan can only work _if_ Chase and Jimmy can start a riot; _if_ we can get the ship out of impoundment; _if_ we don't get caught by the police; _if_ the Durden Raiders show up; _if_ Chase can break out the leader. That's a whole lot of ifs," he said while attaching various weapons to his body.

"Well, I thought that was how we do things," mused Hendricks, "it makes it all kind of exciting, don't you think?"

"If for the last few years my only excitement was digging up old things, then yes, maybe," insulted Milk.

"Hey, that's not fair," protested Julianna and Milk felt bad.

"I'm sorry, Doc, that wasn't fair," he apologised.

"No, I should be sorry. You spent years on the razor's edge working with Chase and then you found peace on Earth and now you are risking your life once again."

"It's getting to me," admitted Milk. "I did have a quiet life and I had come to enjoy it. At first I didn't, I wanted to be in space. But then I grew to like Earth and now I'm back having adventures in space and I haven't had time to think about it. To feel about it."

Julianna walked over and hugged him as Dr. Hendricks put a hand on his shoulder. She broke away.

"It could be worse, Milk, we have each other."

"That's true. It's just that, that, well, since that bar in Ictopia, before we met the Doc, I've been thinking about my daughter. I thought I would never see her again and sort of pushed the thought away on Earth, but now we're in space, I keep thinking whether I'll get to see her again," he shook his head and looked at his feet. He gave a big Milk sigh.

"We'll put it on our list of things to do," Julianna said tenderly. "You'll see her again,"

"I hope so, I really do."

***

"Thiz iz a zuizide mizzion az vell you know. Ve go to fight, though ve are not fighterz. Ve go to rezcue our friendz ship zo that they can rezcue our great leader," Frank orated in front of the band of Jesperrians that would go to the space port. "Ve are not fighterz, ve do not have the zkillz without our leader, but ve vill fight, ve vill lay down our livez to give otherz the chanze of freedom."

As one the fighters punched the air and let out howls and whoops of agreement. They were ready to fight, they were ready for action, they were ready to go down in their history. They were ready to die.

The band, led by Frank, met Julianna, Milk and Hendricks in the canal.

"How are your men?" asked Julianna.

"They are ready," replied a Frank who looked sick with fear.

They headed to their fate.

***

It was recreation time in the prison and there was a pall of anticipation over the inmates in the yard. Everyone knew that Spalding would get his revenge and everyone expected it to be now. He looked mean and angry and everyone waited for him to move to the library and exact vengeance. But then something no one expected happened. Chase, Jimmy and Chubbs entered the yard. Considering Spalding and a number of his crew were out there, this was the stupidest thing they could have done, but then most of them didn't know Chase wanted a riot.

And then something happened that was even more unexpected, the trio walked over to Spalding and his crew.

"Sorry about the wrist, Sonny, just business," Chase apologised.

"I'm going to kill you," breathed Sonny.

"No, no you're not," said Chase.

"You think you're hot shabbus? You're not, you're just another dead convict," Spalding growled.

Chase looked at his watch.

"How many people have you raped, tortured and killed? I mean before you were put away."

"Too many to count, you won't even be a statistic," Spalding grinned.

Chase looked again at his watch.

"No, I won't," said Chase and stabbed Spalding in the stomach with a shank Terd had procured.

Blood shot out and Sonny's crew started forward only to be surrounded by Ferguson's crew.

At the same time that Chase shanked Spalding, someone from Tido Challer's crew threw a Molotov cocktail into the corridor on cell block nine where the cells that Spalding ran were.

People burst out into the corridor only to be met by more of Challer's crew and prison made weapons were drawn.

At the same time Toady Reolty's Merrick crew, having been told by Terd, took the chance at revenge on a mixed crew of Albertines and Cantorvials led by Inctor.

Alarms sounded and the riot was on.

***

Milk, Julianna, Dr. Hendricks and the Jesperrians had reached the space port and had spread out using the underground canals.

The plan was loose and simple; the Jesperrians would act as a distraction starting a fight with the police while Milk, Julianna and Hendricks would get The Wild Rover. After that the Jesperrians would disappear back down the canals and wait while The Wild Rover flew to the prison and rescued all the various people they now had to rescue.

Frank was with two other Jesperrians across the hanger. He didn't really know what to do, the police were his enemies, but he had never shot anyone in cold blood and didn't really want to start now. Of course the police would shoot them on sight, so these people weren't really innocent. They had imprisoned his leader, driven them below the city and then regularly came down to try and kill them. 'Valkswagon' thought Frank and shot at one of the policemen guarding The Wild Rover.

Panic is a word, a word to be used in the next sentence. There was panic as from all around the hanger unseen Jesperrians started firing at police officers. The hanger had good drainage and this meant the Jesperrians could pop up and disappear again rapidly and the police didn't know quite where to shoot. Unfortunately neither did the untrained Jesperrians and laser blasts went wild all over the hanger.

***

Spalding and his crew had thought they were done for, but strangely Chase, Jimmy, Chubbs and Ferguson's men left them and returned inside. Immediately one of Spalding's men came and informed him that the corridor was under attack. Things were not looking good for him, he was bleeding for a start and needed to fix that before fixing Chase Darkstaar.

It wasn't such a strange move if you knew that Chase needed to get into Spalding's cell and if you knew he had another ace up his sleeve. You see the guards and the warden were now getting antsy, they just weren't sure whether to go in or stay out; the rioting had suddenly come out of nowhere. It seemed to have started on Cell Block Number Nine, but there were outbreaks of gang violence everywhere. What Chase didn't want is for them to decide to come in, but with the chance of freedom he had around one hundred Durden Raiders on his side. It was now that they formed up and as told, took on everyone. No one saw it coming, but suddenly if you were near a Durden Raider you were getting the shabbus kicked out of you. In a matter of mere moments the riot had gone into overdrive and three sections of the prison were on fire.

Having been stabbed, Sonny Spalding, Snake McManamon, Shakes Malone and Causeway Johnson were in the hospital and a sizable group of Raiders headed to it. This was relayed to the rest of Spalding's followers and the epic battle of the hospital was about to begin.

Chase, Jimmy and Chubbs had fought their way to Cell Block Number Nine where Spalding's cell was. Chubbs threw a man over the railings; Jimmy took out a Merrick who tried to kill them by cutting off his nose. Chase got into a fight with two knife wielding Cantorvials and managed to get them to stab each other by simply stepping aside. Jimmy made an impressive leap to catch a Molotov cocktail coming their way and threw it into the nearest cell which contained a rapist (so he didn't feel too bad about it). Chubbs actually broke an Albertine's sternum with one punch and Chase used a handy piece of rope that lay around to lasso a Byfrok who was about to stab Jimmy as Jimmy tussled with a shank wielding Tarancort.

***

Julianna, Milk and Dr. Hendricks were not having much fun either. A number of ships were now on fire, laser blasts were still flinging themselves around with abandonment and Freddy No Finger's men, realising the unlikelihood of actually getting shot had surrounded The Wild Rover.

"We've got to move," said Julianna.

"Right. Let's do this," agreed Milk.

"It's to be a suicide run then," agreed Dr. Hendricks.

"It looks that way, but we've got to save Chase," said Milk.

Julianna looked at him.

"What?" he asked.

"Sorry, but that was so touching."

"Can we save it? You ready, Doc?"

"As ever. Just try not to get shot," beamed Hendricks.

"Very funny, Doc, Chase would be proud."

Julianna sighed.

"Oh, that was so touching too," she said heartfeltedly.

"Can we save the female stuff?" barked Milk.

"Time to cheat death," said Hendricks.

"Again," sighed Milk in that way only he could.

They came out guns blazing. Freddy's men were taken by complete surprise by someone who could actually aim and were shot down.

***

Chase, Jimmy and Chubbs were in Cell Block Number Nine which was empty now that all of Spalding's men were at the hospital. They entered Spalding's cell.

"Jimmy, take Chubbs and find the Jesperrian leader. He's in Cell Block Number Four, cell 24 and meet me at the hospital."

"You got it, mon. Be safe," and with that they left Chase to look around the cell.

Now, where was whatever he was looking for? He scanned the room and then started by yanking the small cupboards off the walls. Nothing there. He tapped the walls to find a hollow spot. Nothing there. He looked under the bed. Nothing there.

Wait.

Wait. Memory was coming back. He crawled under the bed and started tapping the floor. Yes. There. There was a hollow spot.

He took out his shank and started spiking the floor. Yes, the shank dug in there. He followed the line and a larger piece of paint came out. He remembered now, he had somehow in his short time there found or made this little hidey hole and then got some paint and painted over it. He used the shank to open it up and there were papers, plans, to be exact.

He unrolled them and groaned. Oh, he was both a genius and an egotistical maniac. He rolled up the plans, tucked them away and left.

***

The hospital was on fire and the single medical orderly there, an Albertine known simply as Toadman, was despairing. There were so many patients and no way of getting them out. Outside Durden Raiders were trying to break in, but Spalding's crew had shown up and there were hundreds of men from different races fighting. The bloodshed was disgusting to a person that had spent his whole life trying to save lives. But now he had to protect the lives of those in his care.

But there was something else he hadn't known. Terd Ferguson, Bones Castille, Not John Roberts and Big Nick had beaten Sonny Spalding and his men to the hospital and were inside.

***

Julianna was behind a pile of electrical wiring ducking out, firing, ducking in. Milk was a way over behind some barrels whose flammability worried him immensely and the Doc was about to do something either brave or stupid. He ran from cover shooting. He took down too guards and slid his aging frame under The Wild Rover, rolling up and killing three more.

Juliana and Milk made their move, ducking and jumping the wild laser shots of the Jesperrians. Seeing them move Frank ordered everyone to break cover and clear the area.

Jesperrians started falling to police fire as soon as they did so, but with the courage to stand and fight so came their aim and the police too finally started falling.

Julianna and Milk took down more men guarding The Wild Rover as Hendricks moved like a man possessed. He saved Julianna and Milk's lives about three times each as he moved like a whirlwind blazing fire.

"Get in the ship," he screamed at them.

They lowered the ramp, but Hendricks saw the dire need of the Jesperrians and ran for them. He grabbed a dead man's gun and with two guns blazing he took down a guard here, a policeman there.

"Retreat! Retreat," he screamed like a banshee as he saved lives from a laser death. Each of his shots wounding a man, but not killing. Here was a policeman about to shoot a fleeing Jesperrian, there he was laying on the floor with a non-fatal leg wound. More police coming into the hanger, Hendricks shot the fuel tanks of the nearest ship clouding them in fire and smoke. Hendricks was a non-lethal storm of laser as The Wild Rover's engines revved into life.

***

Spalding lay on a bed with newly applied bandages when Terd and his crew entered the room. Toadman, who had been forced to tend Spalding, edged out of the room to try and douse fires.

Bones Castille grabbed Shakes Malone and threw him across the room; Snake McManamon turned and was head butted in the groin by Big Nick; Causeway Johnson was punched so hard in the kidneys by Not John Roberts that he coughed blood. Terd Ferguson grabbed the weakened Sonny Spalding and pulled him off the bed.

Bones Castille opened a window and Ferguson pulled Spalding over to it.

"I'm a Durden Raider and you disgust me," Terd breathed and threw Spalding out of the window.

Spalding's body fell three stories and splatted amongst the combatants. His shank wound opened up and gushed blood.

Spalding's men were momentarily stunned and then went into a frenzy at the death of their leader. Some finally broke into the hospital to find the men who had killed Spalding, kill anyone they came across.

This was when Chase turned up. Jimmy, a battered Chubbs and the Jesperrian leader turned up moments later.

"We've got to get Terd," Chase shouted over the din.

"Be easier said dan done," Jimmy shouted back. "Oh and dis be Floyd."

"Hi there," Chase beamed and shook his hand. He was old and frail and grey, his hair and his skin. He obviously didn't get out much.

"Thank you for thiz," he replied frailly.

"Pfft, not a problem. What is a problem is getting Terd out of the hospital."

"Leave that one to me," said Chubbs, as he grabbed the two nearest people and banged their heads together.

They moved into the crowd of combatants with Chubbs in the lead, bulldozing anyone in his way. They saw some of Spalding's men break down the hospital door and enter, no doubt searching for the men who had thrown Spalding out the window. And when I say 'no doubt' I mean that's exactly what they were doing.

"Can't let people in the hospital, too many patients," shouted Chase as he shanked a man about to head butt him.

Most people didn't care about the hospital unless it was to escape the battle raging outside. Which was nothing compared to the battle that now raged inside the prison. Most of the south side was now on fire, most of the west side was being torn up by gangs.

You see there wasn't anything actually to gain from the riot, no turf or anything; you just had to come out of it. And if you did so with more crew members still alive than others or you were particularly mean and brutal during the riot, then the higher up the power structure you were in the post-riot environs.

Sensing that they were getting beaten by the increasing numbers of Durden Raiders coming outside and sensing that they were losing their post-riot spot at the top, Spalding's gang tried to retreat back to their own stomping ground.

Chase needn't have worried; as they got to the door a couple of men sailed down the stairs and landed with a thud in the small foyer where they stood. At the top of the stairs Terd Ferguson stood triumphant with his men.

"My ride better be here," he called down.

"Should be here any minute now," Chase called back adding 'I hope' in his head.

They all headed outside to find the Durden Raiders mopping up those of Spalding's men who hadn't escaped back inside.

That the Durden Raiders were the only ones outside and given that a large united gang of Raiders was the last thing the prison needed, the Warden decided to wrest back some power.

By opening fire on the Raiders.

He radioed the guards in the towers and told them to cut the men down, try to push them back inside. He hoped that pushing them back inside would be too much even for this riot and it would implode.

Jimmy noticed it first.

"Brudder, me t'inks the guards are about to shoot."

Chase looked up at a tower where he could see a guard readying his gun.

"I think you're right, time to get inside. Yo, Terd, inside now," he shouted over.

"What? Why?" Terd shouted back, but Jimmy, Chubbs and Chase were already fleeing. And then the guards opened fire into the pack of Raiders.

Chase and his little band of friends made it into the hospital just in time. Laser fire hailed down into the crowd that now ran to and fro trying to find cover.

"Where's this friend of yours?" Terd shouted angrily. "You've conned us."

"Conned you? If they don't turn up we're in deeper trouble than you," Chase shouted back over the screams of those outside.

Just then there was a loud explosion and the laser fire stopped. And then started again. Chase looked outside at The Wild Rover hovering in full attack mode. The Merrill guns were out and firing at the towers who were now firing back at it.

"Time to go," suggested Chase and they ran outside.

As The Wild Rover hung, swung and attacked, another bulky looking ship appeared and came into land in the yard.

"There's your lift," Chase told Terd and the convict took his hand in both hands and pumped it.

"Then we're square," Terd growled.

"Don't go back to being a space scumbag, huh? You're a decent guy," Chase shook back.

"Life leads where it does, but perhaps I won't waste any more of it," Terd agreed.

They all quickly shook hands and Terd, Bones, Not John and Big Nick joined the other Raiders as they ran to the ship which had opened a large door at the back. It appeared to be some sort of haulage ship. As he reached the ship Terd turned back, grinned and saluted. Chase saluted back and turned his attention to The Wild Rover. It kept shooting, not really at anything, just trying to let the Durden ship take it passengers and flee, but it did blow a sizable hole in the wall next to the gates.

Within a couple of minutes the ship dusted off radioing a 'thank you' message to The Wild Rover.

Chase and Jimmy watched the Lechance move into the back, atmospheric position and then come into land. As soon as it stopped firing they could see guards appearing.

"Go," commanded Chase, "Go! GO! GO!" And they set off at a sprint.

The door to the Rover opened as guards started to fire. Milk emerged with a machinegun and started firing back over their heads as Chase managed to cross the short distance and get up the ramp.

"Hey, buddy, missed me?" he asked.

"Like an itch I couldn't scratch," Milk replied still blazing away.

The others got up the ramp and Milk let off a final volley and pulled himself inside.

"Go, go, go," he shouted over the intercom and the ramp started to close.

Before it had The Wild Rover dusted off and blasted upwards.

***

Chase entered the cabin to find Dr. Hendricks flying and Julianna in her firing seat.

"Nice flying, Doc; nice shooting, Jules," he said. "I'll take it from here," he said as he approached Hendricks.

"Oh and I was enjoying myself," bemoaned the Doc.

"Don't worry, you're my back up pilot from here on in," he said as they swapped chairs and Jimmy, Chubbs and Milk entered.

"Yo' leader be in de shower, Julianna," Jimmy said as he took his navigator's seat and looked into the computer.

"Nice to see you too," she pouted.

"Sorry," Jimmy apologised, "been a rough few days."

"Hasn't it?" asked Dr. Hendricks. "And who is this be-tattooed young man?"

"Everyone this is Chubbs, he's a librarian," Chase introduced without looking, "Chubbs, this is everyone."

Chubbs gave a small, embarrassed wave.

"A librarian, you say? A fellow scholar? How wonderful. Do come and sit over here, dear boy," enthused Hendricks.

Chubbs joined him on a seat near the back of the cabin and they fell into conversation.

"What's our status, Jimmy? Anyone following us yet?" Chase asked levelling out the ship at high altitude.

"Not yet and I'm not sure atmospheric ships can get this high, so we'll be safe until we have to land."

"I blew a hole in the wall," Julianna said matter of factly.

"Yes, I saw that," said Chase.

"I mean that hopefully the police will have their hands full," she seethed.

"True."

"Thanks, Julianna," she said sarcastically to herself. "Good idea, Julianna. Nice work."

"Fine," exploded Cherry. "Don't say hello to me then!"

"Hey there, honeypie, how you doing?" Chase asked.

"Don't 'honeypie' me," she fumed. "I've been imprisoned and then stuck in the middle of a firefight."

"Haven't we all?" asked Chase.

"Well..." Cherry said uncertainly.

"Either way, it's good to be back together, Cherry," Chase soothed.

"That's better. I'm sending our co-ordinates to your computer, Jimmy."

"Where we be going?"

"To drop off the leader," Julianna answered.

"Did the Durden ship escape?" Chase asked.

"It got as far as my radar range, from there I don't know, would you like me to do a wide scan?"

"No, let's concentrate on our own escapades."

The police actually chose to ignore the fleeing ships and attempt to stop the prisoners fleeing through the big hole in the wall that The Wild Rover had left. Residents of the city wouldn't be too impressed to have criminals running around. Anyway, the two ships appeared to have disappeared into space and were now the worry of the ODF.

Except they weren't, well one of them was, but the one that is important to this story was not a worry because it wasn't in space. No. They were cruising at high altitude to one of the three large rivers that crossed the planet.

"OK, bring us down," said Jimmy and Chase did so.

Once below the clouds the view was amazing, everywhere the planet was green, criss-crossed with blue that sparkled in the sun.

"It's beautiful," Julianna breathed watching it go by on her computer screen.

"A man could settle on a planet like this," agreed Chase.

"It iz not all it zeemz," said Floyd as he entered the cabin.

Julianna got up and went to him.

"I'm so glad to meet you; we've met your people hiding in the sewers."

"Then you know zome of the truth behind thiz galaxy," he nodded.

"And the UTN," she nodded in understanding.

"What are we looking for?" asked Chase as he continued their descent.

"Itz a large cave in the bank of the river," Floyd told him.

"Doing a scan now," Jimmy informed. "See anything, Cherry?"

"Yes, further along the river to the South," she told him.

"OK, I'm going to go in low and slow," Chase decided out loud.

He took The Wild Rover north along the river continuing a shallow, but fast descent. He was now alongside the river and suddenly swept the ship in a U-turn and raced Southward over the sparkling, churning waves of the mighty river. They were close to the bank and the river was so wide that the other bank was barely visible on the horizon.

"I've never seen a river this big," marvelled Milk standing by the side window. "Hey, Doc are you looking at this?"

Dr. Hendricks came out from the back of the cabin and looked out the window with Milk.

"That truly is spectacular," amazed Hendricks. "Chubbs come and enjoy this view, you haven't seen anything like it for a long time, no doubt."

Chubbs joined them and let out a long breath that said 'wow' in a way the word 'wow' never can.

"Been long time, no?" Hendricks asked Chubbs and put a hand on his back.

"It has, Doc, it has been so long it is as if I'm seeing the Universe for the first time."

"Well you're free now; you can feast your eyes from now on," Hendricks pronounced with glee.

"Coming up, the river runs through a canyon, the cave is on the left about 100 metres in, high up on the cliff face," Cherry informed Chase.

"Thanks, sweetness," he said and she blushed, though you can't really tell when a computer blushes, it happens in the circuitry.

The canyon narrowed the river somewhat, I mean not enough so that it was narrow, but enough that the waves churned higher and Chase brought the ship up to avoid wet feet.

"Got it?" Jimmy asked.

"Er..." said Chase looking up and down the canyon wall, "yeah, there it is. Gonna take a wide bank and ease her in."

Chase then took a wide bank away from the cave and came back toward it, slowing down as they got closer. They entered the cave slowly and Jimmy switched on the outer lights. The cave was actually the outflow of an underground river which poured down as a waterfall and as Jimmy hit the lights all that could be seen was water.

"Go in further," said Floyd, "The cave opens out and you will find a large dry area to land."

Which they did and they did.

They kept the lights on and exited The Wild Rover. The area was damp, but fresh and cold and it was a joy to them all having spent most of the last few days underground/in prison. They stretched and looked around, from here it could be seen that there was a large ledge that followed the river deeper underground. It was from here that the Jesperrians started to emerge.

At the head was Frank being supported by another Jesperrian. Milk ran over and supported him from the other side and together they brought an obviously bleeding Frank to Floyd.

"Oh, Leader! I am zo pleased to zee you onze more," exclaimed Frank and then coughed up blood.

"Put him down," ordered Floyd and they laid him on the floor.

"Oh, Frank, what happened?" asked a distraught Julianna as they all, but Chubbs, knelt around him.

He took his leader's hand.

"I tried," he wept, "but I lozt zo many of our men."

"It'z OK, Frank, tell uz."

"The Doctor waz a hero, taking down zo many polize and telling uz to retreat. Ve did vhat he zaid and I zaw him run back to the ship, but I zaw more polize come into the hanger, theze had heavy gunz. Gunz to blow up the ship. I shouted to our men

"Protect the ship, zave the leader!"

"Ve ran back out into the hanger and started shooting at the police, but ve vere not good shotz. There vas lazer fire everywhere, and everywhere our men fell zcreaming. I can, I, I can ztill zmell there burning flezh. I commanded them and ve ran at the polize shooting and zcreaming and they, they, they cut uz down. Ve lozt maybe thirty men, but the ship left zafely.

"I called to retreat and they continued to shoot az ve ran. Everywhere around me our men fell and I too voz shot."

He finished his story and opened his eyes. A combination of blood and tears streamed out.

"I am zorry, I failed you, great leader. Ve vere not ztrong enough, not brave enough. Vithout a leader ve vere not ztrong enough."

"No, Frank, quiet yourzelf. Do you not zee that all theze yearz you all have ztayed here to continue to fight? Juzt by being here you have been a reminder that thiz land waz ztolen," Floyd wiped sweat off of Frank's forehead. "And today you led our men to fight, you led them and they zacrifized their livez to help free me. Today you all showed great courage and ztrength and you, Frank, you showed great leadership.

"You never needed me to lead you, you alwayz had it in you. Oh, Frank," Floyd wept, "you fool, you alwayz vere a great leader."

Frank managed a weak smile.

"Thank you, my leader, my eyez rejoize to zee you one lazt time," he grabbed Floyd's shoulder, squeezed it tight, coughed up blood and died.

They all slowly got to their feet in a circle around Frank, but no one spoke for what seemed like a long time.

"He was a brave man," said Chase.

"Yes, yes, he was," said Milk with a fat tear in his eye.

"He lived his whole life not knowing how brave he was," nodded Julianna as tears fell from her eyes.

"But he died a brave man. He died a man who saw his dream accomplished," said Chase sombrely. "I hope I can die in such a way."

"He died for me," was all Floyd could say.

They found some driftwood and made a stretcher with some rope that was strangely coiled up by the wall. They laid Frank upon it and prepared to head into the darkness and back to home.

"And you'll continue to fight?" asked Dr. Hendricks.

"Yez, ve must. For thoze that zacrifized themselvez for me, for Frank," said the leader.

"I wish we could stay and help, but we have a mission ourselves," Milk told him.

"No, thiz iz not your battle, may you have all the ztrength and courage you need," the Leader wished them.

"We'll take a leaf out of Frank's book," said Chase and they all shook hands.

***

The Wild Rover was once again flying low over the river.

"What's this river called anyway?" Chase asked.

"The Hansees," Cherry told him.

"Nice."

"So, anudder illegal exit?" asked Jimmy.

"I think it'll have to be," said Chase.

"It will be difficult, the ODF will be looking for us," said Cherry.

"That's a risk we're going to have to take," resigned Chase.

"And where next?" asked Milk.

"Dunno, where to Chubbs?" Chase asked, starting to ascend the ship.

"I'd like to go home."

A SHORT BREAK ON EARTH

They blasted out of the atmosphere and Cherry sent the co-ordinates of Chubbs home planet of Vestul to Jimmy's computer.

"It be quite a distance if we don't use the star-gate," Jimmy said.

"Best we don't, probably guarded."

Jimmy fiddled with his computer.

"We can get to de Chastler galaxy an' grab de star-gate from dere."

"Or we can use the Lechance," Chase said.

"Risky, mon, not used it for five years, who knows what might happen."

"Cherry, what do you think?" Chase asked.

"I agree with Jimmy, I can input the co-ordinates, but I can't foresee what might happen; even I don't understand the Lechance."

"Well how are we going to ever use it then?"

"Well if it doesn't work, I can probably calibrate it once we arrive. Probably," Cherry said.

"This is the ODF, stop your ship," suddenly came over the speakers.

"Valkswagon," Chase said to himself and then, "Hi, officers, sorry no can do. Busy, busy, you know how it is."

"You are wanted for a prison break on Jesperr, you will stop now or we will shoot."

"No, you see we're on official, secret business for the UTN," Chase tried.

"Then you can be vouched for at the station."

"Well, we can't fight them, so I guess it's the Lechance," shrugged Chase. "Plot the co-ordinates, Cherry."

"What are we doing?" asked Milk.

"Using the Lechance to escape to Vestul's galaxy of Chinap."

"Is this a good idea?" asked Milk.

"Nope," said Jimmy.

"Right. Buckle up everybody," Milk said to all.

"OK, OK, we're complying, don't shoot," Chase told the police and began to slow down.

"Ready, Cherry?"

"Ready."

"OK, move the Lechance forward."

Now the Lechance has one more function. It can be moved forward so that it sticks out the front of the ship. In this position it creates a star-gate in front of the ship, it is the same technology that was used to make the star-gates across the Universe, the Lost Technology.

"What are you doing?" asked the police.

"Erm, just our braking system, don't shoot," Chase told them.

"OK, the Lechance is in position," Cherry said.

"Well let's see where it takes us," replied Chase and he slowed to a near stop.

The Lechance gave a shrill shriek, emitted an energy boom and suddenly a vortex appeared in front of the ship. The police were too surprised to shoot even when The Wild Rover suddenly sped up and disappeared through it. Even as it disappeared a few moments after The Wild Rover had gone through, the ship hung there much akin to the jaws of the policemen inside.

***

You may struggle to believe it, but the room was dimly lit. The council sat as usual, but was now joined by Andrew Forster, former President of the United States, present Earthen envoy to the Great Council and a little nervous. He had been told that they needed a chat with him, nothing to worry about, old boy, quite important though, should probably get on with it.

"I think the best way to proceed is with a little story, knowing the back story will help you understand the present situation," said Hopkirk.

"The known Universe is as it is for one simple reason: distance. With strong enough radar the Greys could detect a number of close galaxies and using what is now known as the Lost Technology they could jump the gap of space and discover other races. From those galaxies they could detect other galaxies and so on. Except that there are galaxies, and the Earthen Galaxy happens to be one of those, that have no detectable galaxies beyond them."

"Hang on, you said that they could 'jump the gap of space', what does that mean?" Forster interrupted.

"Basically," explained Hikcet, "the Lost Technology could create vortexes for ships to pass through; the star-gates are made using the Lost Technology."

"Why don't you reverse engineer them then?"

"Very astute, Andrew, but the star-gates are self-sustaining using the power of the vortex, the original fuel was used up years ago."

"Well how did you lose this technology in the first place?"

"Let's stick to this story for now," Hopkirk re-interrupted. "It was decided to focus on the known galaxies and build and strengthen the Universal Trading Network before exploring deeper space, and then the technology was lost anyway.

"But then six or seven years ago Trimedian was invented, it too had the ability for ships to travel further and faster and thusly to be able to push out into deep space and find other races," he was getting as excited as any Enthusian could. Which is not a lot in case you were wondering, "and the best thing about it was that the ingredients, if you will, came from all across the UTN so no one race, no one galaxy could lay claim to it.

"But then we discovered something else. With the addition of Earthen seawater, and don't ask me why, I don't know, but with this addition Trimedian became a powerful weapon. Scientists believe it may even have planet destroying capabilities. But we had seen what had happened on Earth with nuclear power.

"Rather than using it for good you had made it into a bomb and lived in fear of it ever since, we couldn't have that so we hid it, and then we hid the person who hid it.

"So it has appeared to us over the last year or so that the Laikans and some allies are preparing for WAR, it wouldn't be the first time they have started a war against the UTN.

"So it appeared the best thing to do was to get the Trimedian back and use its power as a deterrent to war. Even now we have our man out there retrieving it. Is all of this clear?"

"Yes, by bringing Earth into the UTN you have brought us into a Universal war that has nothing to do with us," he was somewhat annoyed, not so much about the war, but more that he had had such bright dreams of the future that were turning out to be nightmares of war.

"Think about it, old bean" warned Sir Jeffery mildly. "Earth was always going to be a target."

"Because of the Trimedian," replied Forster.

"Exactly," added George the Albertine.

"But why Earth, I mean all they have to do is stop you getting to one of the Trimedian ingredients to stop you."

"Yes," agreed Hopkirk, "but would you rather attack a member of the UTN that will be defended or would you rather attack a planet that doesn't even know that the rest of the Universe exists?"

"I see your point," sighed Forster. "Sorry."

"Quite all right, good man," encouraged Sir Jeffery. "Been a bit of a tough time on you."

"So you brought us into the UTN to protect us."

"Yes," said Mark, "but there is another reason."

"Which is?" asked Forster with a feeling of dread.

"Well, the UTN is basically peaceful. Yes there are pirates out there and gangs, but really the UTN Space Navy is not prepared for an all-out WAR. Earthens, however are still at war with each other. We need your expertise."

"So, wait, one minute we are completely unaware of your existence and now you want us to lead an intergalactic war? Unbelievable."

"Not lead," said Hopkirk, "just advise. And of course your military will need to be trained in flying space ships, ships of war in order to protect Earth. If that happens."

"So what do I do now?" asked Forster.

"Back to Earth for you," said Sir Jeffery.

***

"Where are we?" asked Milk.

"Dunno," said Chase.

"The Earthen galaxy," said Cherry.

"What? Dat's de udder side of the Universe to where we wanna be," exclaimed Jimmy.

"In one way," Cherry said sheepishly.

"And in anudder way?"

"Er... we're still the other side of the Universe to where we should be."

"Can you calibrate the Lechance now?" asked Chase.

"I can work on it," was all she could offer.

"OK, get to work on it then."

Chase pulled the Lechance back into its neutral position and let the craft hang in space.

"So now what do we do?" Julianna asked them.

"Simple, we just use the Earthen star-gate to take us to Chinap," said Milk.

"Or," started Chase.

"Or what?" Milk asked

"Or we could go down to Earth, have a break for a few hours. A bit of R & R."

"Do you really think we've got time?" asked Milk.

"What's a few hours going to change things?"

"And I could really do with buying some new clothes," chipped in Julianna and both Jimmy and Dr. Hendricks agreed.

"Agreed then. We go down to Earth, eat, buy some clothes and then head out again," Chase decided.

They landed at a small and busy space port just outside of Oxford, England. Not Mississippi, that would be weird. How they did this is a long and not particularly interesting story so I won't bore you, but I will say that it was Oxford where Chase lived, as Jason Wellgood, along with Milk.

They walked around the main, paved shopping area and dropped in and out of clothes shops. They were currently in a men's clothing store.

"I can't believe I'm on Earth," exclaimed a happy Julianna. Shopping tends to make women happy, especially when they're not paying.

"Er, yeah," replied Milk to whom it wasn't that big of a deal.

"Oh, I feel younger already," she continued to exclaim swinging her bags of shopping.

"Right," said Milk.

Dr. Hendricks came out of the changing area in a very nice tweed jacket complete with leather elbow patches.

"What do you think?" he asked them.

"Oh, it's lovely," cooed Julianna, "very you!"

"What?" asked Milk.

"What?" scowled Julianna.

"You're going to wear tweed in space?"

"It's very me."

"Fair enough."

In another shop Milk decided upon a big black trench coat, a number of white shirts and black trousers.

"And you complain at the Doc for not being practical?" Julianna asked with a twinkle.

"Got to look cool and scary," said Milk. "But mainly cool."

"Well you do look scary," Julianna wandered off.

"What's that supposed to mean?" Milk asked the air she had left.

***

Chase kept clothes for himself, Jimmy and Milk on The Wild Rover for emergencies and he and Jimmy had changed. Chubbs, however, was still in prison issue clothes which thankfully no one on Earth recognised for what they were. He was having some trouble getting accustomed to civilised linen.

"It's so itchy," he complained to Hendricks.

"My dear boy, it's not itchy, it's just that you are used to itchy clothing."

Chubbs looked at himself in the mirror wearing a black tee shirt and jeans. He squirmed.

"And tight," he said despondently.

"Again, because you have been used to wearing clothes shaped like a bag."

Julianna had helped Chubbs pick out an assortment of clothes and now came over to see.

"Oh, Chubbs! I wouldn't recognise you," she squealed.

"It itches," was his response.

"Nonsense," was hers as she smoothed the material down his back and squared his shoulders. "Lovely," she admired.

Jimmy wandered over also in a new trenchcoat.

"Nice coat," said Milk admiringly

"Same to you, big mon," he returned equally impressed by their twin abilities to look good.

"Scary, but cool," Milk said.

"You got dat right."

Julianna just sighed.

***

Chase was not shopping with them. He was at home sitting at the kitchen table with a big sandwich in front of him and his phone charging. His phone was endlessly happy to be alive again and was desperately getting as much gossip as possible and generally telling other phones that said Chase Darkstaar was with it at that very moment.

He had decided that though he was not really Chase, nor really Jason, but an amalgam; that he would go by, and think of himself as Chase. But coming back home he felt very Jason and strange; charged emotions swept over him. He could almost pretend that it was all a dream.

Except for a layer of dust, nothing had changed at home, everything was neat and normal. Had he really just spent who knows how long flying around space, fighting and escaping various bad guys, all on a quest to save the Universe from war? Well, yeah, yeah he had.

He took a big bite into his sandwich and savoured the taste. Why was he feeling down? He now had an exciting life, a life with a purpose and not only that, he had friends. He hadn't really had friends other than Milk for the last five years. He understood now why he had never connected with the people he did know, why he felt he was different. Wow. How different.

Only now thinking about it did he feel down, not depressed, but drained. He hadn't stopped since he left the remains of another sandwich on this very table weeks ago. He wanted to get into bed and sleep a very long time and forget the Trimedian, Trillo, Freddy No Fingers and his friends.

But no.

No he didn't want to forget his friends and suddenly he wished they were there with him at that very moment. Where were they now? In danger? No. Shopping.

He ate the rest of his sandwich.

It was strange how Earth had changed in such a short time. It wasn't groaning with alien races, most were in factories, governments or with the military, but in Oxford there were quite a few walking the streets. Chase guessed they were lecturing at the University and was quite right in that guess. Dr. Hendricks had attracted a number of looks, but of curiosity and not fear. People were still getting used to other races amongst them, but had adapted incredibly well. It's just that their minds still did a double take.

He got up and put his dishes in the sink and he felt sad to be leaving home once again, then thought that this wasn't really home anymore, that the things in it that represented himself no longer did so. They represented an imagination, a figure thought up to protect him. No not him, to protect the Trimedian. The last five years hadn't been a waste, and he hadn't lost them, they were simply part of the very mission he was on now. And to ever regain a semblance of normalness, he had to complete that mission.

He went upstairs and opened a wardrobe. He filled a small suitcase with clothes, took one last look around his old home and went out the front door.

***

They sat in the cabin of The Wild Rover and waited in line to go through the star-gate.

"Ready to go home, Chubbs?" asked Dr. Hendricks.

"I don't know, I'm pretty nervous," Chubbs told him as the others got on with doing stuff.

Everyone felt good and refreshed because a change is as a good as a rest, dontcha know?

"Where we going after dis?" Jimmy asked Chase. "I mean you got what you were looking for, right?"

"I did, but let's go into that all together after we drop off Chubbs," Chase said and brought the ship forward. He could see a big, lit sign:

Welcome to Space.

It's big,

You'll love it.

And he thought that yes, it was big and, yes, he did love it.
DEEP IN ENEMY TERRITORY: A CUNNING PLAN AND THE TRIMEDIAN

They were in the city of Jonto on the planet of Vestul, the core planet of the Chinap galaxy.

Earlier they had said goodbye to Chubbs at the space port.

***

"You gonna be OK, big man?" Chase asked him.

"I guess so," Chubbs shrugged.

"What's your plan?" asked Hendricks.

"I'm not sure. I suppose I will try and find my wife and, well it's been a long time, but..."

"But it would be nice to see her," finished Julianna.

"Yes, even from a distance," Chubbs angrily brushed away a tear.

"We couldn't've done all dis wit'out you, Chubbs," Jimmy told him.

"I hope you succeed," he wished them.

"Same here," agreed Milk.

Chubbs laughed. "I could stay here saying goodbye all day just to put off leaving."

Chase smiled.

"Then it's time for us to part. Jimmy's right, we couldn't have escaped without you. Thanks, man," Chase hugged him and then the others did the same.

"Will I see you all again?" Chubbs asked.

"I certainly hope to finish our discussion on Jaintranian literature," Dr. Hendricks said with a smile.

"Yes. Yes, that would be good."

"Well then," pronounced Dr. Hendricks, "until then," and he shook Chubbs hand.

With a final look back, Chubbs left the space port to find a bus.

***

And now the gang was in a small restaurant eating a light meal.

"So what did you get from the prison?" asked Julianna.

"Ahh, right, yes," stalled Chase.

"What? What is it?" demanded Milk wearily.

"Well, it appears to be plans of the Laikan military headquarters on Laika," Chase said weakly.

"What?" Milk exploded.

"Put that knife down," Chase told him.

Milk looked at the utensil in his hand and decided that yes, probably best not to have a sharp object in his hand.

"You hid a clue in the Laikan headquarters?" asked Julianna amazed.

"No, I hid the Trimedian there."

"What?" Milk exasperated.

"Well I considered that the most likely people we were hiding it from were the Laikans and the last place they would look was under their nose," Chase said with palms up in surrender.

"You are a blinding idiot," fumed Milk.

"I think it's quite clever," mused Hendricks over his pipe.

"No, it isn't," countered Milk, "what if they had found it?"

"But they didn't," countered Hendricks.

"But they could have."

"But they didn't," said Chase, "and right now we have to think of a way of getting it back."

"We could just go and ask them," Milk sarcastisized, "No, wait, let's find Trillo and ask him."

"Look, Milk, it's not my fault, I was a different person then and you don't have to come. You can opt out now if you want. All of you can," Chase looked crossly around at them.

"I ain't got not'ing better to be doing," Jimmy said.

"Thanks, Jimmy."

"Yeah, I haven't got anywhere else to go anyway," agreed Julianna.

"Wouldn't miss it for the world," chipped in Hendricks.

"What about it, Milk? Once we get the Trimedian it's all over for us," Chase turned to his friend.

Milk sighed and sagged.

"Yeah, whatever," he pulled a big hand down his face. "Sorry, guys, I just keep wondering if I will ever get to see my daughter again and we just keep getting into more and more dangerous situations."

Chase reached over and put his hand on the big Indian's shoulder.

"You'll get to see her again."

"You can promise me that?"

"With you at my side, when have I ever failed?" Chase asked and nodded his head to his friend.

"True, you'd completely balls it up without me."

"That's the spirit."

"So do we have a plan?" asked Hendricks who suddenly got uncomfortable as Chase stared at him. "Do I have something in my teeth?" he asked nervously.

"Teeth," Chase repeated and snapped his fingers into a point at Hendricks.

"I don't be getting it," admitted Jimmy.

"We have an ace up our sleeve," Chase told him.

"What?" asked Julianna. "Oh, yeah, I see," she continued excitedly.

"I don't," said Milk.

"Dr. Hendricks is a Laikan," beamed Chase.

"Well, nice one, Captain Obvious," replied Milk.

"Come on, Milk," chided Julianna, "We're breaking into Laikan HQ."

Milk's eyes lit up in understanding.

"An ace indeed," he said.

***

The Wild Rover came through the star-gate and into the Laikan galaxy of Tegariff Major. It was obvious something was up from the first; Laikan space was full of huge cruiser space ships along with planet bombarders, destroyers, motherships and large supply ships. Flying around these were different smaller ships, fighters, bombers, Missile ships. The sight was immense and overawing; space had been renamed 'slightly cramped'.

Almost immediately The Wild Rover was hailed.

"Laikan space is restricted, state your business."

"I'm here to see the High Commandant."

There was a laugh.

"Oh really? You think he let's just anyone pop in?"

"I have something he will be very interested in."

"Well you can give it to us, we'll pass it along and you can hope no one chooses to use you as target practice on the way out."

"How about you tell the Commandant that Chase Darkstaar is dead and I have the Trimedian."

Well that stopped him and the Wild Rover kept flying toward the core planet of Laika.

"The Commandant wishes to know who you are and how you could have done such a thing."

"I am the Laikan bounty hunter, Obarr and as for how I managed such a feat, that I will explain to the Commandant in person."

There was a long pause.

"OK, you are clear to head to Headquarters."

The Wild Rover flew on.

Laika was a beautiful, heavily wooded planet, I mean dogs always like running around forests right? The Laikans are no different. Despite their uncouth, uncivilised, animal nature, they are great environmentalists. They especially strive to save the Universe's trees and forests. Who knew? Well, I did, obviously. Actually I just made it up then, so...

Anyway

They had had no choice, but to clear some of the trees in order to build the massive military headquarters: circular on a thin base so that it looked a bit like a lollipop that rose even above the tree line. The blood red sun was setting over the trees as The Wild Rover, the Lechance in the atmospheric position, flew low over the forest approaching the HQ and then it pulled up sharply and descended straight down before easing into one of the massive hangers.

Obarr came out of the ship leading a battered and bruised looking Milk and was met by a squad of armed guards.

From here on in they talk in Laikan which when typed would look something like this: 'bark, bark, baaark. Woof!" so instead I'll write it in English, but italicise it. Cunning, huh? Yep, more cunning than a fox on special extra cunning pills.

" _You are Obarr?_ " one of the guards asked.

" _No, I am the post man,_ " Obarr replied in a low growl.

" _This way,_ " said the guard and they formed up around Obarr and the be-tied Milk who struggled against the ropes.

They were taken straight up to the Commandant, but Obarr could feel that he was not trusted. Although not overtly, he felt that the guns around him were trained on him, that the guards were there to make sure he didn't try anything. The fools didn't realize that the four armed men didn't stand a chance against him.

The Commandant's office was on the very top floor of the headquarters and its panoramic window gave way to a breathtaking, er, panorama. The trees were blessed gold and red in the dying light of the sun which also glinted on the metal of the various ships taking off and landing in a steady stream.

" _So, it is Obarr, is it?_ " asked the Commandant without turning from the window.

" _It is, my Lord,_ " replied Obarr.

The Commandant turned from the view.

" _Oh, I am your Lord? I didn't think bounty hunters had 'lords',_ " he sneered.

" _The rumours are of WAR, in such times all must come under leadership,_ " grovelled Obarr, but only slightly.

" _You saw part of our fleet as you came to Laika, I can assure you they are not just rumours. The UTN has for too long dictated to our people and now it is time to tip the balance in our favour._

" _And now, if what you say is true, then the Trimedian is in our hands and there is nothing the UTN can do to stop us, we will defy and crush them,_ " he shook a clenched fist as he spoke.

" _How do we know this bounty hunter speaks the truth?_ " asked one of the generals.

Obarr pulled Milk forward and he staggered and fell to his knees.

" _And who is this?_ " the Commandant asked looking down at Milk as if looking down at a pathetic Conian jost with a broken leg.

" _His name is Milk, he is, was, Chase Darkstaar's right hand man._ "

" _Hmmm, means nothing to me,_ " the Commandant mused and tapped Milk with his foot.

" _It does ring a bell with me, sir,_ " said a Laikan at a computer. " _Trillo has mentioned him in his communiqués._ "

" _And what of the Trimedian?_ "

" _Let's talk money first,_ " retorted Obarr.

The Commandant laughed to the sky.

" _So much for patriotism!_ "

" _A Laikan has to eat,_ " Obarr conceded.

" _Indeed, but you have made a little mistake. We don't need the Trimedian. As long as Darkstaar is dead the UTN cannot get it either._ "

" _Then I will take my leave,_ " said Obarr angrily.

" _Now, now, I am not such a tightfisted man. We will buy the Trimedian off of you; such power will be a great bargaining chip when the time comes._

" _And of course you will be compensated for killing Darkstaar. Providing you really did._ " he turned to one of his lackeys. " _Bring me Trillo, he will recognize this pathetic Human,_ " he spat on Milk and turned back to the window.

'Valkswagon', thought Obarr.

***

Whilst Obarr was leading Milk up to the Commandant, Chase, Julianna and Jimmy pushed up the fake flooring that covered a large compartment. The ship had been buzzing with activity since landing, but it seemed quiet now.

Wait! You're probably wondering what is going on? Why are Chase, Jimmy and Julianna hiding? Who is this Obarr? And how did he get Milk? And why is he lying about killing Chase? Actually, you're probably not wondering, it's pretty obvious, right?

This is what happened...

They bought various clothes, makeup and hair dye and in the ship Julianna used her magic to make Dr. Hendricks look younger and with new carefully chosen clothes, not only did he look even younger, but mean like a bounty hunter.

"So Milk we need to make you look like you've been beaten up," Chase told him.

"OK, Julianna, work the magic," he told her and Chase punched him in the eye.

His hands flew up to his black eye.

"Ow! What the hell was that for?"

"Sorry, bro, got to make it look realistic," Chase said and suddenly punched him again.

"Argh! Stop it," shouted Milk.

Chase punched him in the stomach and then pushed him to the floor. Milk jumped up and charged at Chase, but Jimmy and Julianna grabbed him.

"Calm down," shouted Julianna.

"I'm sorry," he shouted back. "Why didn't you warn me?"

Julianna stood between him and Chase.

"Would you have let him?" she asked.

"Dunno," he admitted and suddenly she slapped him and his head whipped back. "Enough already," he shouted holding his stinging cheek.

"You look beautiful, my friend," Chase assured him.

"I'll get you for this," he warned Chase.

"I'm sure you will, but another time. We're nearly in the clear, let's finish this."

"And where will you hide?" asked Hendricks. "I'm sure they'll search the ship."

"Ahh, smuggling compartments of course," Chase said with a knowing wink.

So now they pulled themselves out and put the lid back on the compartment. They inched along the corridor and Chase was relieved to see that the ramp was still down. He took a sneaky look out and was amazed not to even find guards.

The hanger was gloomy and quite empty with most of the ships being out in space. The few that were still in the massive hanger seemed to be transport ships. They quickly crouch ran down the ramp and into the shadows of the hanger's wall. Jimmy looked at his computer which had the plans fed into it.

"We need to get to de udder end of de hanger and to de main building, from dere we need go down into de basement, if your memory be right," Jimmy told them.

"OK, get your guns out, if we get spotted things are going to go downhill very quickly," Chase commanded as he pulled out his twin pistols and they followed suit.

They slid along the wall and could see engineers working on the troop transports and could spot some private shuttles, probably for the top brass.

They got to the main doorway at the end of the hanger, managing to slide past mechanics busily working and took a quick look. A couple of what looked like soldiers were just passing across a wide expanse of landing area.

"Where to?" whispered Julianna.

"We need to be getting over to de main building. T'rough does doors dere and den dere should be a stairwell going down."

"A stairwell? How many floors?" she whispered back.

"Fiddy," said Jimmy.

"Fifty," declaimed Julianna in a whisper.

"We can't take the lift can we?" Chase asked rhetorically, "what if someone got in?"

"Valkswagon," she cursed to herself.

They darted across the expanse and through the doors, from there down a corridor to where it curved and slowly crept around. It was thankfully empty; most of those normally using this corridor were already up in space. They dived into a small storage room as a group of Laikans rounded a corner and waited until their footsteps died away. After that they didn't see anyone and reached the stairwell and started downwards.

And downwards.

And downwards.

And downwards.

"Who knew fifty flights was so far down," commented Chase.

"I could have guessed," said Julianna panting, "fifty's a big number."

"Look on the bright side; it could have been a hundred."

"Look on the bright side," she retorted "another comment like that and I'll throw you down the rest of the way."

"Point noted."

And downwards.

And downwards.

And downwards.

"Here," Jimmy said eventually looking at his computer.

Chase cracked the door and looked in. It seemed deserted, but that was hard to tell with the floor to ceiling computers and other computery stuff Chase didn't recognise.

"So where it be?" asked Jimmy.

"We need to find it," Chase told them.

"Chase, dis room be massive, it could take us hours."

"No, no, we need to find a terminal," Chase told them and cautiously led the way around a bank of computers.

They still didn't see any technicians. Computers whizzed and whirred around them as they walked and looked, looked and walked.

"There," spotted Julianna and they walked over to the terminal keeping their eyes wide for Laikans.

"What now?" asked Jimmy.

"Ask the computer if there are any anomalies."

Jimmy tapped into the computer and it responded:

NO ANOMALIES.

"Not'ing," said Jimmy.

"Ask if it's sure. Really sure."

ARE YOU SURE?

YES

REALLY?

YES.

SO YOU'RE DEFINITELY SURE THERE IS NOTHING WRONG?

WELL, THERE'S NOTHING WRONG, BUT I SUPPOSE THERE IS SOMETHING ODD IN THE MEMORY BANKS, BUT IT'S NOT A PROBLEM.

REALLY? WHAT IS IT?

WELL THERE SEEMS TO BE AN EXTRA COMPONENT, BUT IT DOESN'T EFFECT THE PRECISE RUNNING OF THE SYSTEM.

FAIR ENOUGH. WHERE IS IT?

MEMORY BANKS, COLUMN 15 ROW 402, BUT HONESTLY IT'S NOT A PROBLEM, I'M RUNNING FINE.

HOW LONG HAS IT BEEN THERE?

JUST OVER FIVE YEARS NOW.

THANK YOU, WE'LL SORT IT OUT.

OK

"Bingo," said Jimmy. He looked at his computer. "Dis way."

***

By now Trillo was entering the Commandant's room.

" _Ahh, Trillo, what took you so long?_ " the Commandant asked.

Trillo hated him, never a kind word, never a word of thanks. Milk, having not understood a word tightened against his bonds at the sight of Trillo.

" _I was the other side of the compound, Sir,_ " he said hating himself for kowtowing.

" _This here is Obarr, a bounty hunter, he claims to have done what you failed to do and killed Darkstaar._ "

Trillo gave Obarr a vicious look and something clicked and whirred in his mind a lot like the computers in the basement.

" _Take a good look at his captive. Is this or is this not and compatriot of Chase Darkstaar?_ "

Trillo walked over to Milk and glared at him and a small smile played across his lips a lot like a snarl.

" _It is,_ " he confirmed, " _but I'm not sure I trust this bounty hunter._ "

" _And why not?_ "

" _Just feels wrong,_ " Trillo said looking over at Obarr.

" _Well we don't act on feelings here, Trillo,_ " the Commandant chided. " _Well done, Obarr, what's your price?_ "

***

As Trillo entered, Chase, Jimmy and Julianna had found the memory banks. They too reached to the ceiling and appeared to be rows and rows of thick, plastic disks. Each was a separate memory block that could be taken out and copied or fixed or viewed on another computer.

Chase got a wheeled ladder and pulled it over to column 15 and climbed up to row 402. He pulled out the memory disk and attached to it was a smaller disk.

"Got it," he claimed happy to finally have the Trimedian in his hands. They might actually do this.

He slid down the ladder with both disks.

"Here, put this into your computer and upload it, then break the original disk."

"Shouldn't you put the memory disk back?" asked Julianna as a shrieking alarm went off.

A computerized voice informed them that a memory block was damaged or missing.

"Shabbus," swore Chase. "Quickly get that uploaded."

"I be doing it, I be doing it," shouted a desperate Jimmy.

Chase and Julianna looked around expectantly, their weapons up.

"OK, done," claimed Jimmy who ejected the original disk and threw it in the air, Chase turned and shot it out of the air and disintegrated pieces of plastic fluttered down.

***

" _Well done, Obarr, what's your price?_ " asked the Commandant when the alarm sounded.

" _It's the operating systems, sir, a problem with the memory banks,_ " a Laikan at a computer informed them.

Trillo whipped back round to Obarr and strode up to him. Hendricks was by now sweating profusely and it was mingling with the cheap hair dye and make up. Trillo wiped one big finger over Obarr's forehead and looked at it.

" _Make up,_ " he cried. " _This is not a bounty hunter, but one of Darkstaar's men._

" _Send an armed squad to the basement now. NOW._ " he screamed and another Laikan sent out the command.

Hendricks jumped back letting a small knife fall from his sleeve. He cut Milk's ropes as a squad of Laikans entered the room.

Milk charged Trillo and threw him back as Hendricks ran at the aiming Laikans.

" _No firing,_ " ordered the Commandant as he dived behind his desk.

Hendricks barged the first Laikan and knocked him to the floor as Milk ran over, grabbed two Laikan heads and banged them together, but Trillo was back up and grabbed Milk in a choke hold.

Another Laikan hit Hendricks in the stomach and more Laikans ran into the room.

Milk elbowed Trillo in the stomach and ran over and pounded the Laikan kicking Hendricks on the floor. He picked him up and threw him onto the big wooden desk which the Laikan slid over and landed behind the Commandant.

Hendricks was up again and grappling with another Laikan as two others leapt on Milk and struggled to keep him down. Trillo waded back into the fight.

***

In the basement Laikans had entered and demanded surrender and our three good guys responded with laser fire.

The Laikans couldn't fire back for fear of hitting the computers and so slowly and lowly edged forward whilst calling for back up.

"You're surrounded," barked a Laikan and ducked back down as lasers hit a computer above his head.

"What are we going to do?" asked Julianna. "If they sent armed men they must have Milk and the Doc."

"Valkswagon," exclaimed Chase and shot at a crawling Laikan peaking around the corner.

"Better to be reunited, Chase, we gonna lose down here," warned Jimmy.

CAPTURED!

Chase, Jimmy and Julianna were led, bound, into the Commandant's office where they saw a similarly bound Milk and Dr. Hendricks.

"Hey, guys," Chase greeted brightly.

"I'm sorry, Chase, I sweated," apologised Hendricks.

"Nah, my fault, I forgot to put the memory disk back," Chase said.

"So, Chase Darkstaar at last," grinned the Commandant standing behind his desk.

"Hey there, Fur Face, and hey, Trillo! Thought we'd left you a little tied up on Peskini," Chase flashed him a grin as the Commandant slammed a fist on his desk.

"You will not talk to me like that," he shouted.

Chase ignored him.

"Hey, Milk, you look a little banged up."

"They fight dirty. Like dogs," he spat and a Laikan hit him in the stomach, though he took it and didn't double up.

"Ahh, such bravery, I commend you," said the Commandant, "but pithy lines and heroism can't save you now. Kill them."

"Wait," commanded Trillo and turned to the Commandant. "I have a long history with Darkstaar, please permit me to see to this."

"Without you we might not have caught them, you have permission. Do we have the Trimedian?"

"We have their computer, it should be on there," said a Laikan general.

"Good, good," said the Commandant and turned to the darkness outside his window. "Then it is time to declare war."

Trillo walked up face to face with Chase.

"I'm going to enjoy this. You're going to watch your friends die slowly and painfully and then you are going to die even slower, even more painfully," he growled and spittle flew into Chase's face.

"Great, I love a party," beamed Chase.

"Take them to the torture chambers," Trillo ordered.

They were shoved out the door and marched down a corridor and into a large lift.

"Is the Trimedian in the computer?" Chase whispered to Jimmy.

"Nah, mon, I sent it straight to Cherry, but it not be the Trimedian, it be plans."

"Quiet," barked a guard.

"Well, see you all in Fiddler's Green," bemoaned Milk.

"I bet you ten space pounds it isn't finished yet," chirped Dr. Hendricks.

"You're on, Doc, but this is the end, the last page."

"Come now, Milk, where's your sense of adventure?" asked Chase.

"I think I've had enough of adventures in space."

"No you haven't," said Chase with a sly grin, "not yet."
EPILOGUE

Is this the end of our heroic adventurers? How can they possibly escape this time? Deep in enemy territory! How will the peaceful Universal Trading Network defeat the Laikans in all-out war? And what of the Trimedian? Will it fall into furry Laikan hands?

Will Cherry ever cheer up and will we meet Milk's daughter? Will 'contrigued' ever make it into the dictionary? What are the ingredients to a good Chokdee cocktail? Will I be sued over Jonny Skyewalker whisky? Will we see Chubbs again? Or Terd Ferguson?

And what of Earth? How does it fit into all this and will it be able to protect itself if attacked?

Find out the answers to these questions and more in the next exciting series of:

Book 2: Tears of War is available HERE

If you enjoyed this book, perhaps you would consider helping a brother out and rating or reviewing it? IT really could change my life...

Still, while you're here, why not check out the following extracts by the same author:

The ADVENTURES IN SPACE series

### The TSAR Trilogy

Book 2

### Tears of War

TWO EMERGENCY EXITS (extract)

Trillo had gone on ahead to prepare; in a way he was in a state of shock. Dreams don't often come true, in fact it seems the longer you hold a dream the less likely it is to come true. But Trillo's dream had come true, he had Darkstaar in his hands and he couldn't quite believe it. His mind whirled with all the different things he could do.

Who should he start with? Maybe the Indian, he might take quite a while, maybe a whole day's work. And what should he start with? The Mengalin Twister or Schreinold's Box? Maybe some time in The Carutan Pool of Death. Hmm, so much to do, so little time. So little time before he would be called up to the WAR that was even now starting.

And this gave Trillo pause. He wasn't really sure about this WAR, he couldn't put his finger on it, but there was something amiss. He wasn't terribly high up in the ranks and so didn't know the full reasoning behind the WAR and that niggled him. Why had they suddenly chosen to fight the UTN? There didn't seem to be a reason, or moreso that the reason was being kept a secret from him and perhaps most of his brethren.

Most Laikans, and no doubt their allies, bought into the routine about oppression, about being stuck at the edge of the Universe, about being the workhorse of the UTN, of others getting rich off of Laikan backs. About how it was time to forcefully take a larger role in the Universe. Take the power that they would never be given.

But Trillo didn't fall for that, after all, most of the reasons behind the Laikan situation arose from the First Laikan War. They were stuck at the edge of the Universe because they had been pushed there in a large counter attack by the UTN forces.

They lacked power in the UTN because their leaders refused to be bound by the legalities of the Council. And were others getting rich off Laikan backs? Well yes, but that also included the Laikans who owned the mining companies. For all his grand speeches the Commandant was by no means poor, had no interaction with the common Laikans, nor did he want any. No, this WAR wasn't about anger for his people's situation; it was for the same reason any war starts, power and greed. But why did the Commandant think he could wrest power now? Why start an all out war instead of focusing on one galaxy at a time, the kind of war that the UTN would leave as a domestic squabble? For someone who was more or less a glorified bounty hunter, he wasn't stupid and he wanted answers to his questions. But that would have to wait.

For he, Trillo, had work to focus on. Blood work.

***

Whilst Trillo prepared, his mind racing around, our intrepid heroes were being led down a grey, featureless corridor to the torture chambers. Chase Darkstaar, one time intergalactic hitman and general rogue; Julianna, one time bar girl and taker of no shabbus. Milk, the giant reluctant Indian; Dr. Hendricks, Laikan archaeologist and one time fighter pilot and Jimmy Jazz, the mechanic who was once Chase's best friend.

They had an armed escort of four, two behind two ahead and had their hands tied behind their backs.

"What's the difference between a chamber and a room?" Chase mused happily.

"We be about to find out," Jimmy replied.

"I suppose torture room doesn't have the same ring," Chase said.

"Remember in Ictopia when we were captured?" Dr. Hendricks quietly asked Julianna. "You said you were good with ropes."

"I am," she replied taking her hands out from behind her back, twisting left and delivering an elbow to the Laikan's stomach behind her. As it doubled, she grabbed it's gun as at the same time Chase also brought his unbound hands up, reached around and delivered a chop to the Laikan's windpipe, grabbing it's gun at the same time. Julianna and Chase shot the other two guards simultaneously. The whole action had taken less than five seconds.

"How do you do that?" asked an astonished Dr. Hendricks as they untied the others.

"The Cortian Knot Trick™?" asked Chase untying Jimmy.

"You can do it too?"

"Who do you think taught her?" he replied with a grin.

"I'm disappointed, you said you were good with knots," Hendricks protested at her.

"She is, Doc, lots of people know how, but only five people in the Universe, as far as I know, can do it," Chase explained, "Milk's been trying for years to master it."

He nodded over to the big Indian who was currently squirming and struggling behind his back.

"Ok, valkswagon, I give up, untie me," he fumed.

Jimmy went and untied him asking, "What be de plan?"

"Get the hell out of here," Julianna put bluntly.

"Not so fast," Chase mused.

"Oh now what?" bemoaned Milk rubbing his wrists.

"This is a golden opportunity, isn't it?"

"For what? Getting recaptured?"

"The Laikans believe they have the Trimedian, or at least have stopped the UTN getting their hands on it. If they haven't declared war by now, they will soon."

"And we happen to be in their headquarters," Julianna spoke.

"Where all their plans will be," agreed Chase.

"Right, so what do we do?" asked Hendricks.

"We need to get Jimmy's computer back and then we need to tap into the computers and download anything we think will be of use."

***

Andrew Forster, former President of the United States and newest member of the Great Council was back on Earth, and as much as he dreamt of seeing his wife and children, was at 10 Downing Street with the Prime Minister, Defosimo and Ateksos, the two Grey aliens charged as advisors.

"War?" asked the PM again.

"Yes, war. Well, more like WAR."

"And you two knew about this did you?" he asked the aliens.

"In a way, yes," replied Defosimo.

"In what way?"

"In that we knew," clarified Ateksos.

"Well what do we do now?" the PM asked Forster.

"Two things: one, we don't tell anyone, two: except the military."

"The military? Do you really think we'll be attacked?" the PM worried.

"Who knows? Probably not; but we need to be prepared and we need to get the world's armed forces ready for adventures in space."

"It'll leak," the PM pointed out.

"It will, but only that the military is learning how to use space craft. Nothing wrong with that."

"True."

"We have already organised a meeting," Defosimo chirped up.

"Indeed, we best be off," Ateksos said, "time is now of the essence."

***

Indeed time was of the essence as A.R.S.E forces entered into the nearest galaxies for the first phase of the WAR PLAN. It sounds more ominous in capital letters, no? It's safe to say that none of the galaxies in the Universe were prepared, they had only just got the message that a war had started.

Except the nearest galaxies to Tegariff Major, who were armed and ready, well, armed and not ready. The UTN had managed to get Naval fleets out despite the Laikan's best efforts to stop them. Across the galaxies Planet Defence Guns boomed, fighters and bombers launched and those in charge sat in the bridges of the battleships and tried to work out how to not lose too badly. Or at least look good doing it.

***

Deep in enemy territory our heroes were trying to remember where they were and how they got there. What they needed to do was to get back down to the basement, find the console and find out where their stuff would be stored. And that meant stairs.

If they could find them.

"Haven't we been here before?" asked Julianna.

"Everything's possible," Chase noted.

"You are far too chipper about all of this," decried Milk.

"It could be worse," Chase shrugged.

"Considering from the moment we left Earth till now I would say 'could' is not the word."

"'Will' is probably better," the Doc chimed in.

"Exactly, so there's no point worrying about it."

"Fact," noted Jimmy.

Since declaring war the Laikans were all in their offices and control rooms trying to organise their forces and this meant the corridors were thankfully deserted.

"We're going to try and find Laikan WAR PLANS, yes?"

"That's right, Doc," Chase assured.

"What do you think those plans are?"

They came to a windowed control room, had a peep in and then crawled past below the window.

On the other side Chase continued.

"Dunno, Doc, hopefully we'll find out their targets."

"What do you think they'll be?" asked Julianna.

"Usual stuff, strategic galaxies, places with high natural resources."

"My guess is dat dey will go after anyt'ing dat can be used as a bargaining chip later. Give 'em more power in de Council."

"Would make sense," agreed Chase. "Ahh, stairs."

They descended the stairs.

And descended.

And descended.

And descended.

"I hate stairs," bemoaned Julianna.

"Keeping you fit," said Chase without looking back at her.

"But we've done this once already."

"Look who's complaining. I got beat up for my role in our stupid plan," exclaimed Milk.

"Fair point," conceded Julianna.

"Hey, it's not stupid, just, er, loose."

"Right, 'loose'."

And descended.

And descended.

And descended.

And finally reached the basement of computers.

***

Jimmy peeked in and could see a couple of technicians busy fixing the laser damage of the recent fight.

"I can see two," he whispered back at them, "but dat don't mean dere ain't more."

"OK, we'll sneak in and split up, sweep the room," whispered Chase.

They decided against cleaning and instead a-snuck into the room and crouch walked through the banks of computers. Jimmy snuck up behind the closest technician, picked up a spanner and knocked him out. Yep, no amount of technology will ever make spanners redundant. The APOCALYPSE? Just spanner wielding cockroaches left.

Chase took out the other one they could see using the butt of his recently liberated laser machinegun. Only Julianna found another technician and took him out the same as Chase. Milk nearly shot Dr. Hendricks when they backed into each other.

"Clear," shouted Chase.

"Clear," returned Milk.

"Should we be shouting?" shouted Julianna.

"I'm at de terminal," shouted Jimmy.

***

Trillo stood in the middle of the torture chamber looking around at his set up, he considered moving Schreinold's Box again, but realised he'd never have it perfect. He'd hoped for this moment for so long that now he was fretting over it instead of savouring it. He had been so absorbed in getting everything perfect that he didn't think about how long it was taking for the guards to bring his victims to him.

Until now.

A leaking dread started to fill, what had happened? It could be anything, but let's face it, they had probably escaped.

Trillo ran out of the room and tore down a corridor whilst radioing the guards. Nothing but static and Trillo picked up the pace.

***

"How long before they find the guards we hid?" asked Dr. Hendricks as Jimmy fiddled with the terminal.

"I would think Trillo must have realised we're not showing up today," Chase said looking over Jimmy's shoulder.

"We can't get stuck in here again," Julianna pointed out.

"True, get your groove on, Jimmy," Chase agreed.

Jimmy was looking through directories of rooms trying to find some sort of storage, but it could take forever.

COMPUTER, ANY IDEA WHERE THEY ARE KEEPING THE BELONGINGS OF THE PRISONERS?

WHICH PRISONERS?

CHASE DARKSTAAR AND HIS GANG.

OH, I'VE HEARD OF HIM. FAMOUS HITMAN, RIGHT?

YEAH.

LOTS OF INFORMATION ON HIM IN HERE; TRILLO SPENT A LONG TIME SEARCHING FOR HIM.

"That's interesting," mused Chase, "can we get that info?"

"Not without my computer."

COMPUTER, WE'RE KIND OF IN A HURRY, ANY IDEAS?

ABOUT WHAT?

ABOUT THE BELONGINGS OF THE PRISONERS?

OH, RIGHT. THEY'RE IN THE LOCK UP ON LEVEL 42.

COULD YOU SHOW ME A MAP?

The computer did so and Jimmy did his best to memorise it.

"Let's get the hell out of here," Milk said urgently.

***

Trillo's mind was spinning at an alarming rate, he had to get Darkstaar back, but if he notified anyone the Commandant would find out and he would be dead. There was only one thing for it; he was going to have to get the hell out of Dodge. Well, Tegariff Major anyway.

***

Our heroes had decided to throw caution to the wind, who caught it and threw it back, so they decided just to be less cautious. The point being that they took a lift up to level 42 and if anyone tried to get in, they'd have to shoot them. Nobody did though; everyone was far too busy being at WAR. Sofas were now officially banned in Laikan HQ.

"If my memory serve me well, we need be going down dis corridor 'bout a hundred metres," Jimmy told them as they got out of the lift.

***

By now Trillo wasn't the only one who had noticed the missing guards and other guards went looking for them. Trillo himself was making his way out of the building to get to the hanger as our heroes were gathering up their belongings.

### Pray for Rain

Part 1

The Casinos of Haffir

CHAPTER 1

"This has to be your worst idea yet," Rainsford Tsyrker shouted into her comms.

" _Worse than Tornin?"_ Stephen Regrette asked.

"It's OK for you, you're not out here."

The 'out here' she referred to was crawling along the roof of the high speed train between the cities of Rachain and Faloo. It hovered over a rail that was held high above the ground by boosters and she could only be thankful that the entrance hatch was on the roof and not between the train and the rail. She was on the roof of the cargo carriage and though she was close to the loading hatch the wind was making it hard to get anywhere.

She unlocked one of her grip magnets and pushed it forward before locking it again. Then she did the same with the other hand. How had she gotten this job? Grant was in the train somewhere comfortably while Regrette was in high altitude ready to swoop in once the package was secured.

It was her own fault, back on Lancow II, the last job they'd done, she'd poked fun at them for nearly failing because they weren't fit enough to cope. They hadn't said that, but she knew that was why it was her stuck on the roof. Though to be fair, she smiled to herself, either of them would have been sucked under the train by now.

"I'm at the hatch," she said.

" _Nicely done,"_ Ben Grant replied.

"How're the cocktails?"

" _A little sweet for my liking, but I'm surviving."_

"Poor you."

" _I know, but taking one for the team."_

He sounded smug, she knew he was baiting her and she wouldn't let him.

"How's it look in there?"

" _Hard to get too close, but the guards seem bored, but alert."_

"OK, well attaching the breaker now. Gulch?"

" _I've got the signal,"_ Gulch said from the ship. _"Breaking the alarm now."_

The breaker made a helpful _ping_ and a little light went from red to green.

" _Now for the lock,"_ Gulch said as the light went back to red.

The hatch was big, used for cranes to lower large cargo in and she was going to have to use the slipstream from the train's velocity to fling it open. That would alert the guards and then they had a very small window of opportunity to grab and escape.

" _Ahh,"_ said Regrette.

"Ahh, what?" Tsyrker said angrily as she was trying to manoeuvre into position.

" _Readings on the long range scan. Moving in fast."_

" _Company?"_ Grant asked

" _Looks like Durden Raiders."_

" _Shabbus. Come to steal what we're stealing,"_ Grant swore.

"We're not stealing it," Rainsford reminded him.

" _Retrieving didn't have the same ring to it."_

" _Either way, you need to move,"_ Regrette urged.

"Gulch?"

" _There, lock is open."_

Rainsford had left one of her grip magnets down by her leg and held onto the other as she pulled a crowbar from her suit and pried open the hatch. She let go of the grip and skidded back before grabbing the other, just far enough away not to get smashed by the hatch as the wind got under and yanked it open. She then threw herself forward, grabbing the closer grip and swung herself inside.

***

As she was doing this Ben Grant was sauntering up to the guards at the door to the cargo carriage. They were bored enough not to notice him until he got nice and close.

"Stop there."

"About that," he said when there was a loud crash from the roof of the cargo carriage.

The two guards pulled guns and as they did so Grant fired an electrode at each. Hitting them in the neck it sent through enough electricity to knock them out.

He ran up and attached a breaker.

"Gulch?"

" _Easy this one,"_ Gulch replied and then the breaker beeped and the light went green.

Grant pulled open the door to find Rainsford already in.

"Where?" she shouted over the din of the wind.

He looked around.

"There."

He turned around as she went for the case.

"Trouble coming," he shouted.

Guards were coming down the train. Heavily armed guards.

"Get us out of here," Rainsford shouted.

" _Here we come."_

Above them their ship, The Wraith, dropped through the sky and thrust forward until it was keeping track of the train. A rope with harnesses fell through the open hatch and they both strapped in.

"Up," Grant commanded as the guards closed in.

The rope retracted and they were pulled through the hatch. As they did so Tsyrker dropped a smoke grenade through.

"Definitely Raiders," Grant said and she looked behind her.

There was one larger ship with three fighters and they were closing fast.

"How'd they know?" she asked.

"Let's worry about that later, shall we? Can you hurry this up a bit?"

" _The winch winches as the winch winches,"_ Gulch philosophised.

"Nice," Grant replied.

"Worse than Tornin," Rainsford said to herself.

She swung around and managed to pull her machinegun off of her back as the Raider ships got ever closer.

"You'll make us a target," Grant shouted over the wind.

"You don't think we already are?" she shouted back.

"What? Little old innocent us?"

Rainsford humphed and tried to get aim on one of the fighters. She opened fire just before their ship did and the Durden Raiders split up to avoid the laser fire.

Grant looked down to see guards in the now smoke free cargo carriage aiming up at them. He pulled Tsyrker's pistol and fired down at them. He tried his best not to actually hit them as they swung wildly on the rope.

One of the fighters was coming around behind them and Grant twisted his body so that they swung around on the rope and Rainsford blasted at it. Not that her laser fire would dent the ship's hull, but they couldn't just dangle there. It would look unprofessional and a little lazy.

The ship peeled off as it got blasted by Regrette from The Wraith, but that left the larger ship to try and swoop in.

"4 o'clock," Grant shouted and watched as Regrette re-aimed.

They were finally reaching the ship as the Durden ship tried again to get close enough to snatch them off of the rope. Or at least the case they had taken from the train. A door was opening in the Durden ship as Regrette focussed his firepower on the two fighters. Rainsford could see a man with a long range rifle in the doorway and she sprayed at him with her laser. The man ducked inside and then reappeared, but it was too late, they were finally being taken up into The Wraith.

"We're in, let's go," Grant shouted as they stripped off the harnesses.

The hatch slid shut below them and they ran to the bridge.

"Take the guns," Regrette ordered as they entered.

He was vacating the gunner's chair and taking the helm. Rainsford took the gunner's chair and pulled down the screen. From here she could control all the guns, front, roof and hull, using a joystick on each of the chair arms. There was a second gunner's chair to make the whole thing a lot easier, but she could cope on her own using a three-way split screen.

The ship pulled up and away and she spun the hull guns to blast at the larger Durden ship as it wheeled around to give chase.

"Be ready for more in space," Grant warned.

"Long range scanners aren't picking anything up," Gulch said from the navigator's seat.

Gulch was a Petruthsian, a race of large slug-like creatures who could raise up on their stubby tails to use a number of tentacles.

"Probably keeping back for exactly that reason. Didn't want to tip their hand," Grant said leaning over to look at the scanner.

"Well, game's up now, they'll be moving in."

"Not just them," Regrette said. "InterG ships inbound."

"Great," Grant sighed. "Don't shoot them."

"What am I, a criminal?" Tsyrker shot back.

"They seem to think so," Grant shrugged and walked out of the bridge.

The Wraith shot through the atmosphere and into space. The Durden Raider ships followed with the InterGalactic Police ships behind them. Neither were giving up the chase.

"What's so damned important about this thing?" Regrette said angrily.

"One of the Stones of Tampala," Gulch said. "Very rare, very expensive. Stolen from our client. Very interesting, the Stones, go way back in the mythology of the Kadinar people. You see..."

"Mssh, time and place, Gulch," Regrette said tersely as he jinked the ship left to dodge laser fire. "Coordinates plotted?."

"Right, yes, well, another time perhaps. Plotting now."

"Look forward to it," Regrette ironicalised as he dodged more laser fire from the Durdens. "Can't you do something about them?"

"Surprisingly, they're being evasive," Rainsford sarcasticised.

The arrival of the InterG was to her advantage though. The larger Durden ship had held back as the faster fighters dived in and out trying to cripple The Wraith. With the InterG ships coming up behind them, the Durden ship was forced closer and the fighters were forced to hang back and protect it from front and rear. She got a good shot at the Durden ship as it dodged fire from the InterG.

"Here we are. Durden cruiser on the long range, closing in," Gulch said.

"They won't get involved, just rescue their ships from this mess," Regrette said.

"Agreed," agreed Gulch.

"We still here?" Grant asked from the door.

"Just about to leave," Regrette said spinning left to avoid laser fire. "Coordinates?"

"In," Gulch told him.

"Then let's get out of here," he said and hit the lightspeed boosters.

***

They slowed down in the black void of deep space. Except it wasn't completely void. There was a ship there. Much larger than The Wraith which came and docked in it's hanger.

"Not using the secret hanger?" Grant asked.

"I'm not sticking around," Regrette replied.

"Busy busy."

"I actually think I need a holiday; I only get shot at when I work with you."

"Hey, now, that's because you hide in the shadows normally," Grant said.

"Use, not hide. We've been through this," Regrette chided. "Sort of the point about assassinations, y'know?"

"What about you, Rain?" Grant asked.

"I also don't get shot at. Unless I'm with you," she added as they walked down the ramp.

"What about my money?" Regrette asked.

"I've made contact, you'll have it in a few days."

"Good," Regrette nodded to himself and then turned and walked back up the ramp and into his ship.

It took off as they reached the end of the hanger bay.

"Doesn't it bother you?" Rainsford asked.

"What?"

"What he does."

"You thinking calling it Naval Special Forces is better?"

"Yes," she replied angrily. "I work to protect the UTN and it's people."

"Different packaging, same product," Grant shrugged.

"Oh, get off your high horse, Ben."

She strode off.

"You're mouth moves faster than your brain, Ben," Gulch said.

"Yeah," Grant sighed and ran a hand through his short mop of curls. "Valkswagon."

"I'll get us moving, go and apologise before making contact. I do think we should return the package before it kills us," Gulch said and slithered off.

The Book of Five Worlds

Book I

The Foreshadow of Balance

CHAPTER I

It was a horrible day, not because it was cold, but because Brandon had taken his money again. He still had his secret money so that was OK, but Brandon hadn't left it there. He had been teased through English for answering too many questions and then they had ruined his science experiment and he had been sent out by the teacher. By the time he came home he was miserable and went straight out into the garden. His Dad had some big talk coming up and was still busy in his study and that suited Dylan just fine. The evening was cold; his Dad had taught him that heat goes up from the ground and gets trapped by clouds keeping it warm when the Sun goes down. But there were no clouds this evening and it was still light outside though not for much longer.

He was playing with his plastic knights plus an evil wizard and a big stuffed toy dragon. He had gone through the portal in the shed and the red dragon was a lot bigger than him and his fellow knight and there was no way they were going to beat it unless they could convince the evil wizard to help.

He looked again at the shed; he hated school and studying and those stupid bullies. They thought he was stupid, but he wasn't, he was smart and they didn't like him for that. He wished he really could go through a portal; he wished he could find the magic on Earth and use it to go away. Take him and his Dad somewhere, bring his Mum back.

But she couldn't come back, not even with magic. He didn't really understand it, but his Dad said she had gone to a better place. If he could learn magic, maybe he could take him and his Dad to that better place to be with Mum.

And then the shed door exploded out and a great big grey pig ran out into the garden squealing, steam coming out of its nose, its snout, in great clouds and then it stopped suddenly. It looked left and then right and then straight at Dylan. He wanted to scream, but nothing would come out and then a huge man ran out of the shed.

He wore thick fur instead of a coat and Dylan could only think that he looked dirty. The man stopped just like the pig and looked around. He looked at Dylan and moved towards him and then stopped and looked at the pig which was looking between them. They both looked surprised.

And then Dylan screamed for his Dad.

The pig turned in a circle looking for somewhere to run, and the man moved again toward Dylan, who could now see he had long thick hair and a beard to match with some kind of dirty green trousers on and a metal shirt under the big fur coat thing. And on his back a big two bladed battle axe.

"Dad! Help!"

And then Dylan's Dad ran into the garden with a cricket bat in his hand and stopped as suddenly as the pig and the man had.

"Who are you?" Dad demanded.

"How do we go?" the man asked back in a deep voice.

"Get out of my garden now."

"Your garden?"

"Get out now or I'll use this," he held up the bat, but the man unslung the axe.

"And then I would have to use this. But I don't want to," at the sight of the axe the pig finally made up its mind and ran back to the shed and disappeared inside.

"Now I've lost my dinner," the man said and seemed sad.

"Sorry," said Dylan.

"It wasn't your fault, I should have grabbed it. But where am I?"

"I'm going to call the police now," Dylan's Dad said.

"The what?"

"What's wrong?" Dylan asked the man.

"Dylan, come here," his Dad said. "This man has been drinking."

Dylan understood this. When you drink something called booze you got funny in the head and did stupid things. Sometimes Dad drank booze and got sad about Mum and cried. He didn't like that.

"I haven't had a drop all day," the big man argued. "I wish I had some now for this is greatly vexing."

"Dad has some booze."

"Dylan, stop talking and come here," and Dylan walked past the man, as far away as he could, and Dad relaxed a little when he was next to him. "OK, put the axe away, man."

"Once you put down your... what is this strange weapon you carry?"

"It's a cricket bat, it's for a game," Dylan told him because the man didn't seem dangerous, just confused.

And then the man threw back his head and laughed.

"You threaten me with a bat from a game?" and he laughed again and Dad lowered the bat.

"Where did you come from?" he asked.

"From the shed," Dylan answered.

"The shed?" the man asked. "No, I come from the forest town of Capel in Collyshire."

"Right," Dylan's Dad said.

"And where am I now? Is this Shed?"

"No, that's the shed," Dylan said and pointed. The man looked at it and then slowly looked back at them.

"What world am I on?" he asked slowly.

"That's enough," Dad started.

"What world am I on?" the man asked more angrily.

"Earth," Dylan said and the man seemed to go white through the dirt and suntan.

"No."

"Yes."

"The Fifth World."

"What did you say?" Dad asked.

"The Fifth World."

"You better come inside."

"What's going on Dad?"

"What's your name?" he asked the man, but he didn't answer, just looked around. "What's your name?"

"What? Lucas."

"You better come inside, Lucas, we need that booze."

{+}

They sat in the study, it wasn't very big and it was stuffed with books, a desk and two comfy chairs. It seemed even smaller with Lucas in there. He stood and just looked around while Dad poured him a glass of something which he took in his big hands. Everything seemed small compared to Lucas, Dylan thought.

"Sit down, Lucas, let me find something," Dad said and started looking through his books. Lucas took off his axe and squeezed into a chair and Dylan stood next to him.

"Why do you need such a big axe?"

He looked down at Dylan. "I don't if I think about it, I just like it."

"Do you kill people?"

"Sometimes, if needs must."

"Right, here it is," Dylan's Dad said holding a big old book.

"What is this?"

"It's a collection; most people thought the writer was an idiot. He put together all the ancient references to the Five Worlds. Look," he flipped open a few pages and showed them to Lucas while Dylan craned to see.

"This can't be true," Lucas shook his head.

"But it is, isn't it? You come from a different world."

"No, this is some magic cast upon me," Lucas shouted and stood up. Dylan staggered backwards and trod on the remote control switching the TV on to the news.

"AARRRGGGHH!" Lucas cried staring at the box. "What by thunder is that?"

"It's a television," Dylan said.

"How do the people get inside?" he was scared.

"They're not inside, silly, they are somewhere else, we can just see them."

"Like a Seer's Orb?"

"No," Dad said, "it runs on electricity, look," he bent down and picked up the remote and showed Lucas how the channels changed.

"Quickly, man, what is your name?"

"Connor James and this is my son Dylan."

"Connor James, explain quickly what this electrickery is."

"Well, you burn coal to make it and then it powers just about everything we use."

Lucas stood and thought about it.

"Coal comes from the ground?"

"Yes, it's animals that died millions of years ago."

"I must go," Lucas said.

"No, stay," said Dylan.

"I will be back, but this is all too much for me. I am not a clever man."

They followed him through the house as he looked at everything, touching things here and there until they were back at the shed. And then he stopped.

"I don't know what to do. Who can I talk to?"

"I don't understand," Connor James said.

"This is too big for my understanding, yet I understand that this is important. Who will use this information for good? The wrong people would use the portal to change the Balance. What if the Chinerthian Queen finds out? But maybe we can use this to defeat her, but, but I don't know."

"Who is the Chinerthian Queen?" Dylan asked.

"I will be back, I don't know how long, but no longer than a week," Lucas said. "Farewell Connor and Dylan of The Shed," he said and then strode through the shed door and disappeared.

Dylan moved towards it, but his Dad grabbed him.

"No. We don't know what is on the other side, or whether we could get back again."

{+}

The next day at school went past as if in a dream. The bullies tried to take his lunch money, but he didn't even notice them.

"Where's my money, pussy?"

"What?" Dylan asked not really even hearing as he continued to walk around the playground.

"My money. What are you deaf?"

"Hmm, no," kept on walking.

"Hey, come back here!" they ran around in front of him, but he changed direction and kept walking and thinking about Lucas and the shed and, what was it called? The portal.

"He's talking to you," someone shouted, but they gave up chasing him as he wandered. He thought he heard someone say something about being 'crazy'.

That evening he stood in the cold back garden staring at the open shed. The doorway was pitch black even though there was enough light coming from the house to see inside. He tried to remember all the things that he should be able to see, the lawn mower, their bikes, a hose, some gardening tools. But he could see nothing. He wondered what was on the other side really. A forest he thought. Lucas had said he came from a forest town and he'd been chasing a big pig. Would the forest be bright and green or dark and scary? Was it winter there too? Lucas had been wearing big furs so he thought it must be. But what he had been thinking about all day in school was what his Dad had said about five worlds. Not just one, but five.

And now he heard his Dad come out of the house, felt him come and stand next to him and they both stood and stared at the shed.

"Can you believe it?" his Dad asked.

"Can you?" he asked and looked up at his Dad. He wasn't sure he could, but if his Dad could...

"Come inside and let me show you a few things."

They walked inside to the study and his Dad sat down at his desk and lifted Dylan onto his lap. Then he opened the big book he had shown Lucas.

"OK, so throughout all the old mythologies; you know what they are?"

"Like a story?"

"Yes, exactly. Throughout them all there are hints and thoughts and stories about the Five Worlds. From Old Norse to ancient Chinese. They were never very big because even back then people thought it was silly, right?"

"OK."

"But this guy, Dr. Fozz..."

"That's a funny name."

"Yeah, it is; anyway, he studied it for years, all the clues, travelled the world and wrote this book. You see a lot of stories and myths never got written down, but they got passed on verbally."

"Verbally?"

"Verbally means speaking. So what Dr. Fozz found was that there are five worlds all connected by portals."

"Like in our shed."

"Exactly, but as people on Earth became more interested in science, medicine and money, they stopped believing in myths and magic and the portal to Earth closed."

"Why?"

"Because something can't exist if no one believes in it. If someone was walking in the forest and they thought they saw a unicorn in the forest, just somewhere in the trees, they wouldn't believe they saw a unicorn, they would believe they saw a horse and the light or the trees made it look like it had a horn. You see?"

"I think so. But why would there be a portal in our shed?"

"I don't know. But we have to be careful; we can't go through the portal, OK?"

"OK."

"Really."

"OK, OK."

"And we have to be careful; we don't know what might come out. Remember the pig?"

"Yeah, that was scary."

"Right."

"Do you think Lucas will come back?"

"I don't know. I think so, but I didn't really understand what he was talking about before he left, I need to read more now, OK?"

"Yeah."

His Dad put him down and turned him so they were looking into each other's eyes.

"Don't go near the portal. We wait for Lucas, OK?"

"Yes, Dad," he turned to leave. "Can I at least go out and look at it?"

His Dad smiled.

"If I said no, you would sneak out anyway," he got up and found a metal poker from the fireplace that had never been used. "If you do, keep this with you in case another animal comes out. And then shout for me," he smiled and Dylan smiled back.

In the Valley of Elah

CHAPTER ONE

The door creaked open in the same way my secretary does her job, stubbornly half-hearted. It couldn't even be bothered to open all the way and the man who was trying to enter had to give it another push. I wished straightaway that it had been better at keeping closed, or that my secretary was better at telling people I was out to lunch.

"Mr. Harker," the man said holding his hat in his hands.

I held a palm out to the chair in front of my desk and he walked over and sat. I scratched my throat with the back of my fingers.

"What can I do for you, Houngan?"

"So you know who I am," the man said simply.

I did, his name was DeSalle, he was a good twenty years older than me (which tells you nothing at this point, though my secretary might tell you that only makes him thirty) and had skin so dark it had a blue tinge in the dusty electric light. His eyes were dark and the sclera, you know the white part, was more a milky yellow, like cigarette stained wallpaper that used to be fancy. He wore a cheap suit with a crumpled pork pie hat that I admired before answering.

"You're a Houngan, a Voodoo priest. It's DeSalle, isn't it?"

"It is. I'm not local so I'm impressed you know me," he nodded to himself in some form of approval.

"It's kinda my job," I shrugged. It was on the door, I mean what's the point of words if people aren't going to read them?

"It is, and that's why I'm here."

"So you can read."

"What?"

"I like your hat," I said and I did. I like hats.

"You like hats."

I said that.

"Why are you here?" I asked.

He pulled a crumpled newspaper from inside his suit.

"I get the paper," I said, but I often didn't. Have I mentioned my lazy secretary?

"Then you will have seen this," he opened the paper and showed me.

Maybe he had already heard about my secretary.

"Voodoo sacrifice."

"That's what the papers are saying," he said, but not before a tired sigh.

"And you disagree."

"I do."

"And what's it got to do with me?" I asked.

"You're a private detective specialising in the occult," he said and the sign on the door paid for itself.

"So I'm thinking you want me to show it had nothing to do with Voodoo."

"Yes," he nodded earnestly.

I shook my head for effect.

"Can't do. This is murder, this is police business."

"I don't want you to trouble them. I just want someone who knows what they are talking about to point out that this is not a Voodoo sacrifice. We don't do things like that, Mr Harker."

"I know that."

"So you already know that we are being targeted unfairly," he was getting more upset about it so I looked at the article.

"All the hallmarks of a Voodoo sacrifice," I said.

"Which you know we don't do."

"Someone in your congregation might have."

"Then you don't know my congregation."

"I know you are meddling with Satan, Houngan."

"We do good; Voodoo does good, Mr. Harker."

"You're playing with spirits, Houngan, there's only one type that would go along with another religion," I said in my best stern voice.

"I was told you would be like this," he said.

"Celebrity," I said.

"And I was told to come to you anyway because you wouldn't let innocents suffer, because you know the truth of these things," he kneaded his hat.

"Alright," I said with hands up.

He was right. Practitioners of Voodoo didn't go around sacrificing people, at least not anymore, and even a quick read through of the article made the whole thing seem suspicious. It was too much like what you thought a Voodoo sacrifice would look like. It was Voodoo in a way that anyone with a little knowledge (probably from a film) would not look any closer at.

"You think someone is trying to pin this on your temple," I said.

"Yes," he seemed relieved. "Who we are and who people think we are is very different."

"Yes, it's much worse," I frowned.

"We see things very differently," he said.

"Yes, you are wrong, dangerously so, and I am right," I said leaning back in my chair.

"So be it," he said looking down.

"No," I said forcefully. "Not so be it."

"I was told you would be like this," he said as if it was a mantra.

I tossed up between angry and resigned and went for the latter, as I so often did.

"They won't let me get in the way of a murder investigation," I said.

"Not one of us can stop nor change the media, but we can present the real facts anyway. I worry that we will be persecuted, or someone will be prosecuted just because of how the media sees us," he said.

I felt sorry for him. Voodoo was famous in the media, especially films, and none of it was positive. It was all witchcraft and Voodoo dolls and actually they had quite a positive religion. They thought they were doing good for their god, Bondye, a bastardisation of Bon Dieu. The problem being that they were deceived. Being deceived by evil spirits to keep them away from the one true God.

I looked to the print on my wall, Hopper's 'Nighthawks'. I was being asked again to help someone, asked to do His work. Oh, yes, I already knew it was His work, I could feel it. This wasn't Voodoo, this was something else that they wanted people to attribute to the movie version of Voodoo. It was a cover and the question that burned in my gut was, for what?

"Alright. I should be able to see the body, should be able to show that this wasn't Voodoo."

"Oh, thank you," he almost deflated in my chair, you know, like someone had put a pin in him. "You don't think it is Voodoo."

"Don't get ahead of yourself. It has all the hallmarks of Voodoo, the problem here is that it doesn't have any meaning behind it. I don't want to find that meaning, Houngan."

"You won't," he said standing.

"See yourself out, my secretary won't," I said.

"My card," he said putting it on my desk before leaving. He stopped at the door. "Thank you, Harker."

"Get out," I said staring at the ceiling.

He left and seconds later my secretary entered.

"You're surprisingly eager," I said to the ceiling.

"This isn't the Mash is it?"

"I don't think so."

"You think we're on, don't you?"

"What makes you say that?" I asked looking at her.

"The sad resignation on your face."

"You say that with scorn, Adelaide, but you haven't seen the things I have," I said deciding to look at the ceiling again.

She left. I played the game of trying to decide how old she was. At least ten years older than me, but she was in incredible shape and that twisted things. Much better shape than I was in now. Her face was unlined and that made me think younger, but the way she carried herself, talked to people all pointed to older. She could be twenty years older than me. I really didn't know her that well at all, knew little to nothing of her past.

I stared at the ceiling. My chair had a good recline feature, and thinking of it now, Adelaide chose it for me. Apparently she knows me better than I know her.

This wasn't the Mash, of course it wasn't, this was murder. The Mash, if you must know, is what I do most days. Nix that, what I do most days is very little. I like to stare. At things, in things, out of things, it's not much of a hobby, but a man has to have something.

When I'm not staring at things I'm investigating the paranormal. Well, I say 'paranormal' and hell, I say investigating, but as ghosts and the like don't actually exist I don't have to do much investigating. You might be surprised though at how little time I have for my hobby; spirituality and a belief in the occult has risen steadily in the last howevermanyyears despite the progress of science and technology. So I charge people to tell them that their ghost is a banging water pipe or tricks of light and/or sound.

You know of infrasound? It's sound below 20Hz, which is the limit of our hearing. Basically noises below this can cause feelings of fear and dread and some can cause hallucinations. A lot of the time my job is finding out what in the building is causing those sounds.

But then there's the other work I do, the real work. The whole paranormal stuff is just a front, a way to pay the bills. This was definitely the other stuff if it was anything at all. I really hoped it would be nothing; that I could show that it wasn't Voodoo so the police wouldn't bark up the wrong tree and then go home. Maybe stare at something for a while. But I had a feeling in my heart that told me different.

†

I'd managed to get an appointment with the detective leading the case, a Detective Garrett, and she hadn't sounded too enthused at meeting with me. It's tough to get taken seriously when you're a ghost hunter and I can appreciate that. No wonder Adelaide was so grumpy, what would her friends think of her job? Or future boyfriends?

"I don't have time for this," Detective Garret told me.

"It is prime staring time," I nodded and she gave me a quizzical glare as we entered a little office.

"What?"

I sat down without being asked.

"I just need to see the body," I said as I had on the phone.

"So you said. Not happening."

"It's not Voodoo," I said.

"That's not what I'm told."

"It kinda looks like Voodoo," I replied.

"I already know that," she frumped.

"But it isn't."

"Oh no?"

"Nope."

She sighed and stared at the corner where the ceiling met the walls.

"I have work to do," she said.

"As do I."

"Do you?" she looked at me.

"Well, outside of this, no. Not really."

"Then I'm the only one here having their time wasted."

"I'm here to save you wasted time. That and to help the Voodoo community," I said.

"Because this isn't Voodoo despite our experts saying that it is."

"Did they?"

"I just said they did."

She had a point there.

"They said it was definitely Voodoo, did they?"

She thought about it briefly.

"Not definitely, no."

"Here's my issue, the issue of my client. Why would they do it? Why would you do a Voodoo sacrifice and make it so public? There's nothing in Voodoo that says a sacrifice should be public; as long as it's done, it's done. There are plenty of places to do it and never get caught."

She thought about it and I liked her for it. Thinking is becoming overrated in society and that's a problem.

"Criminals aren't smart," she said finally.

"This isn't a criminal activity to them, it's part of their religion."

"Why would anyone else do it? Why make it public and try and frame someone else? Like you say, there're plenty of places to do it secretly."

"I'd need to look at the body, the crime scene photos, the crime scene if I could, to answer that question."

She laughed.

"You really think I'm going to let you go to the crime scene?"

"No," I shrugged. I was used to this.

She looked around the room again. There was still nothing to see so I guessed she was weighing it up. In these instances it's wise to keep your mouth shut. Says a lot about me. I had a quick stare out the window.

"I'm not trying to jump in on your investigation, my client just wants something to say to the media when the inevitable happens."

"Oh yeah?" she turned on me. "And what is that?"

I stood up, this was a standing moment. I paced for effect and to not look like I was challenging her.

"Two things bug me. One is that the media already has this and has so much detail," she grimaced about that. "The second thing is a minor detail in the form of a Star of David."

"What of it?"

"It's got nothing to do with Voodoo. People connect Voodoo with Satanism and so don't think about it."

"So it's done by amateurs, but it still begs the question why."

I didn't answer, but thought about it again. It was really the sole reason that this wasn't the Mash, wasn't just something linked to the occult. There were plenty of murders that got linked to Satanism and other such things, and no doubt Satan got a kick out of them, but they weren't for or by him. The idea that Satan wants Human sacrifices is a myth, that's not what he's interested in, that's lowbrow for him.

A little off topic, but I remember a case I was asked to advise on where a Christian had been killed in a supposed satanic ritual. I pointed out that the last thing Satan would want is a Christian to be killed and go to Heaven before Satan had a chance to break their faith.

"It's a sign," I said at last. I didn't want to say it. I didn't want it to be anything more than the Mash.

"A sign?" she asked with eyebrows raised. "For who?"

"That doesn't matter to you, it really doesn't."

"If you know something you'll be obstructing justice by not telling me," she said.

I laughed. I shouldn't have, I didn't mean to, but I did. When it came to justice I often didn't, couldn't, work by the Law's definition.

"All I need is to see the body and then I've done what I've been paid for. I won't get in your way after that."

She looked at me and I looked at her, our eyes pierced each other until she looked away.

"OK. I can't see the harm, but if you're holding out..." she left the threat hanging.

I plucked it up.

"I'm not."

†

There wasn't much of the body left, but there was more than would have been if it had been a Voodoo sacrifice. You see, in Voodoo the sacrifice means something, every action and the way it is performed, means something. This body was roughly hacked up and anything to point it to Voodoo was at the crime scene rather than on the body.

This wasn't a Voodoo sacrifice, this was all about the show, there was one reason and only one reason for this sick murder and that was for it to be found, to be seen.

I sighed when we got back outside.

"So?" she asked in the cold air.

"So it's not Voodoo, there's no precision, no meaning to it. In Voodoo every cut means something, is special, part of the ritual. This was a hack job.

"And like I said, they don't do this kind of thing. At least not officially, so they don't flaunt it like this."

"So someone is trying to frame them."

"No."

"No?"

"Look, it doesn't matter. This is what is going to happen; you and your fellow officers are going to follow the Voodoo route and you're going to find a suspect. Everything is going to fit despite the person strenuously denying it all and then you are going to suddenly find a piece of evidence that ties them in. It'll be a lucky break that closes the case and it'll be forgotten."

"Except that the church..."

"Temple, it's called a Hounfour," I taught.

"The Hounfour will deny it is Voodoo thanks to you."

"And everyone wins. Except whoever you send to prison for it."

"But you have more information."

"No," I said looking at her directly for the first time. "That's it. That's everything."

I turned and walked away. She had done as I had asked and I really didn't have anything more to tell her. We were done, or so I thought. She wouldn't, couldn't believe anything else that I had in my mind; and it had nothing to do with her investigation. It was my investigation now.

I shouldn't have baited her though, shouldn't have told her how I thought it would have gone down; that was foolish because I was tired and annoyed at getting pulled in again. I was frustrated that I couldn't tell her more, frustrated that I couldn't tell anyone outside those that already knew.

## Southern Hunter

PROLOGUE

It has been said that only ten percent of the Bush remains in Australia since Westerners arrived, but it still covers vast tracts of land. Enough that each year, even in this day and age, people get lost and some die. There is still Bushland that isn't crisscrossed with roads or tracks; areas that no one goes in where undiscovered flora and fauna are living and dying in the circle of life. And it is on such a part of thick Bushland in the South West of that great country that two men find themselves.

"Was this worth the boats?" the man asked sitting in a small area where the undergrowth was sparse enough to set up a little camp.

"It's just for now," his companion answered. "We're illegal, we can't expect a job in a nice office in Perth, can we?"

"No, but this? This, what do they call it?" he raised his arms to the trees.

"Bush."

"I mean we're in the middle of nowhere, no roads, no people. And you hear stuff about Australia, all the dangerous creatures."

"Snakes and spiders are more scared of us than we are of them," the other man said.

"Not when we're asleep. The Sun will set soon and then what? Kangaroos, crocodiles."

His companion laughed.

"One, kangaroos are not dangerous and two there are no crocodiles this far South."

"I still don't like having to sleep out here."

"Well it's just a few more nights. We've marked the trees and surveyed the land, tomorrow we'll start hiking to that track and get picked up. We'll be paid more money for this than we've ever been back home."

They both sat there around the small fire as the Sun sank to the tops of the trees.

"Do you miss it?"

"What?"

"Home."

"We haven't been here long enough to."

"I do," the man shrugged. "This country doesn't smell right, and it's all so, I don't know, neat and tidy?"

The other laughed again.

"It's the food, Australians eat pies and chips and drink beer. They don't cook like us, they don't live like us; you'll get used to it."

"I guess," he said and looked out into the darkening Bush.

He didn't really know what would happen. They had paid a lot of money to get here on a boat and he was glad they were one of the lucky ones, lucky not to die, lucky to land without being caught. He'd rather die than go to a detention centre.

Then they'd been moved around, from here to there, all the while disorientated by their new surroundings and finally he and his friend had been taken to a mining company.

They'd done odd jobs for awhile, they were told they would work on a mine, but couldn't fly there, so they had to wait for a chance to be driven. He wasn't sure he liked the idea of a mine you had to fly to, it would have to be in the middle of nowhere, out in what the Australians called the Outback. It would not be comfortable living, but he had to think of the money, and his family back home who would receive most of it.

But instead they'd been taken south to a small town in the hills. It was surrounded by trees, Bush as they called it, and the company wanted them to look at a certain area, mark trees for cutting down so that a road could be cleared. Survey the area where they could to work out the best place for crews to come in and clear land. They were digging a new mine here or something.

He hated it; every minute of it out in this strange Bush with its strange animals and snakes and spiders. Australia was famous for all the ways it could kill you: the animals, the reptiles, the plants, the sharks, or you could just get lost in Bush like this, it went on for ever, the same in every direction.

Was it worth it? Life was hard back home, hard to have enough, but there was television. Television that told you of all the things you could have, _should_ have. The West taught the rest of the World one thing, that you should own more things. More things meant more happiness and where once people had been content with their traditions, now they were unhappy and poor.

Yes, he was the same; that was why he was here. He wanted a good life for his family, he wanted good schooling for his children, but that was never going to happen tending bar to tourists back home. He had to do this for them, he had to remember that. There was a reason for this and maybe, maybe he could get legal, somehow bring his family here; have a good job.

But for now he was stuck in this _Bush_.

"It's not so bad," his friend said.

"What isn't?"

"This. No distractions, no noise, no complaining wife or begging children, just peace and quiet. And we get paid for it," he relaxed out on his swag.

"I miss them," the man said morosely.

"What is it they say here about glasses being half empty?"

"I don't know what you're talking about; do you really not miss them?"

His friend sat up angrily.

"Why do you think I'm here? For my family, to give them a better life. Of course I miss them, but I know that because I do this they _will_ have a better life."

"I'm sorry," the man said.

The Bush stirred behind him and he looked back sharply.

"Relax."

"What was that?"

"Who knows? We're in a forest."

"What's out there?"

"Nothing that can hurt you."

"That's not true."

"Not this again. Snakes and spiders aren't going to come here and once you're in your, what are they called?"

"Swag."

"Right. It covers you completely, nothing can get to you."

Noise came from the darkening Bush again.

"And that?"

"Wind? A kangaroo? Who knows, but it won't bother us, it's not like they have tigers here."

"No, you're right, I'm sorry. I guess I'm just worried."

"There's nothing out here."

"Not that. I mean this job is nearly over, what if they drop us?"

"What do you mean?"

"I mean we're illegal. We don't have any rights here."

"I don't know, I try not to think of it."

The Sun sank below the tree tops and the spaces between the trees went from bright and beautiful to dark and ominous. Those creatures that lived by the light began to scurry home as those night hunters awoke and readied themselves. Kookaburras flew and called to each other in their distinctive monkey-like laugh. One began to wind up as others joined it until the trees around the men were full of the laughter of the birds, as if mocking the men their fate.

"I'll never get used to that sound," the man said.

"I can't believe they are birds and not monkeys," the other agreed as the birds fell silent as one.

There was a crash in the Bush and the man looked that way.

"Just a tree falling."

"You've an answer for everything."

"Did you never camp back home? Forests make noises."

"I preferred the comforts of the city," the man complained.

The Bush was silent as if waiting to see what might happen next. The man turned back and began to get into his swag, a sleeping bag with a semicircular tent pole at the head so that the person could be completely enclosed. And that was what he wanted now, to be enclosed, shut off from the world and whatever might be out there in the dark.

The Bush rustled and twigs snapped. Something else cracked, a branch maybe and he was sitting up again peering around in the last of the light.

"It's big," he said and saw that his friend was also sitting up.

"Yeah. There are some big kangaroos, maybe we should make a noise to scare it off?"

"Yeah, OK," he replied, though the last thing he wanted to do was make noise out here. It was irrational, he knew, but that wasn't going to take the fear away.

His friend whooped and he cringed before shouting out himself.

They listened. There was not a noise, not the sound of something coming nor something running away.

And then the whole Bush around their little clearing shook and thrashed and he couldn't believe his eyes as a giant head, mouth open, hundreds of razor sharp teeth, burst out of the dark trees and grabbed his friend. His head disappeared into the gaping mouth and it bit into his chest. Two clawed hands appeared and grabbed his friend, tearing him in two. Blood sprayed and poured as the beast flicked its head up to swallow his friend's torso.

He shrieked, struggling up out of his swag, hands up and forward to protect him, as if that would help.

No one knows we're here, no one will ever know or care. We're illegal, was his last thought as he staggered backwards and the giant beast leapt forward and sunk its giant claws into his chest.

The Haunting of Berkeley Square

PROLOGUE - 1840

It is a cold night in London, the fog hugs the streets and wise people stay inside enjoying warm fires and families.

Others find themselves enjoying ale and friendship in any one of the city's many pubs. It is in one of these, in the Holborn area, that Sir Robert Warboys and his two friends sit drinking.

"And do you believe it?" Jeffery Anderson asks him.

"Of course, I don't," Sir Robert replies taking a large swallow of beer. "Merely native myth."

"I know of a story closer to home," Michael Roberts tells them leaning in. "That of Berkeley Square."

"The Thing?" Anderson asks and Roberts nods.

"They say that a man, a Mr. Dupres, lived there and his younger brother had gone mad, perhaps from war, violently mad," Roberts takes a sip.

"Get on with it, man," Warboys tells him.

"Well, he took over charge of his brother and had to lock him in the utmost room. They could not but let him out so they fed him through a hole in the door. Poor chap died in there, some say from lack of eating, others say he tore himself apart over many years. Fingers off, then toes," Roberts shudders at the thought.

"It is entirely plausible," Warboys offers, "but what is the point of this yarn?"

"They say," Anderson joins, "that it has been haunted ever since, perhaps even before. Neighbours tell of strange noises as if things are being dragged along corridors or down stairs, of doors banging and the signal bells ringing though no one lives there."

"Oh, what unadulterated poppycock," snorts Warboys. "You two are young and foolish, hiding behind your mother's skirts rather than adventuring."

"Fine, you go and stay in that upper room, the haunted room, see how brave you are," Anderson challenges angrily.

"My dear boy, I am merely twenty years of age and I need not tell you the things I have seen and done. You think I believe in ghosts? I don't, but I believe in money."

"One hundred guineas," Roberts says for his pride is equally hurt.

"Then I wholeheartedly accept your preposterous harebrained challenge!" Warboys raises his flagon of ale into the air with a grin full of gusto.

They pay for their beers and stumble out into the street. The cold air hits them and Anderson realises quite how drunk he has become and wonders briefly whether this was a good idea after all.

They reach Berkeley Square as the lamps are being lit and find the house. It is tall and adjoined to those each side. The square is quite lovely and upmarket except for this house, this house has seen a much better day and is in good need of a clean and paint. Anderson shudders, not for the cold, but for the truth. Why else would no one want to buy and live in such a luxuriant square in the heart of London?

After knocking a man opens the door. He is a tall, thin man with greyish skin, but black, black hair.

"Are you the owner of this property?" Sir Robert asks. He has sobered up somewhat, but is still drunk enough to be belligerent. Even sober he is quite belligerent, but it has got him so far so young that he sees nothing to change.

"No, sir, I am but the landlord of the residence."

"And no one lives here?"

"No, sir."

"Very well then, I would like to sleep in your upper room for the night."

"That is not a good idea, sir."

"Why? Because it is haunted?" Warboys laughs.

"Because it is not a good idea," the man merely replies.

"Come, let us go, this was a foolish idea," Anderson tries.

"Hush," replies Sir Robert. "Look, my good man, there is no such thing as ghosts and this is your chance to prove it. Maybe sell it on.

"Plus I will give you a nights rent and some pounds to do the place up, it is in a dreadful state."

"Very well, sir, it is you not I that will be sleeping there," the landlord says and steps aside.

They walk into the front room which is cosy enough and the landlord wanders off.

"Very well," Roberts says. "If we are doing this then we will do it right. You will ring the service bell once if you see anything and we will come and see it as well. You will ring it twice if you need help."

"This is nonsense; do not come on the first bell as you might scare the spirit off. But I will ring it if I see something, which I will not because I will be fast asleep."

"Take this with you," the Landlord says re-entering.

"What is this? A pistol? I need not a pistol for sleep, my good man."

"There will be no staying up there tonight nor any night if you take it not."

"Very well," sighs Sir Robert and takes the pistol. "Good night, gentlemen."

With that he and the landlord take to the stairs while Jeffery Anderson and Michael Roberts take chairs.

The landlord joins them and they talk about the area, about how London is growing and the price of properties. Until forty-five minutes past the stroke of twelve when they hear the tinkling of a service bell in the kitchen.

"He sees something," Anderson jumps from his chair.

"Or he is jesting with us," Roberts replies sleepily.

"Come let us look," Anderson says and so the three walk out to the bottom of the stairs.

As they get there the service bell rings twice and then starts ringing continuously. The three men run up the stairs, (the bell falls silent) to the landing and up to the next floor. As they reach the third and top floor a gunshot rings out from the front room and they speed up, slamming the door wide open.

Sitting wedged into the corner of the room sits Sir Robert Warboys, gun in one hand, the bell pull, ripped from the ceiling, in the other. His lips are pulled back in a rictus of terror and eyes popped out so that they dangle upon his cheeks.

His friends run to him and the landlord looks across the room to see what he had fired at. There is merely a bullet lodged in the wall.

Sir Robert Warboys is quite dead.

Dead from terror.

WELCOME TO THE LIBRARY OF THE UNIVERSES

WHAT IS THE LIBRARY?

The Library was built at the centre of the Multiverse and contains histories, biographies, treaties and stories from all the Universes. Particularly those involving the likes of the Righteous, the King Imminent and those that play their parts in this wider story such as the Ten Kingdoms and the Five Worlds.

Read the book sand you will find clues and truths of this greater story within them. But beware that you don't' gain too much knowledge as knowledge is power and power gets you noticed by dark and terrible beings.

THE BOOKS

Each book is written to be read as a single story (or series), but there are overlaps so that the more books you read the more information you build of other stories.

Not only that, but they gradually build a bigger picture, a meta-narrative, a greater tale of good vs evil.

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