

### PACE

A PARABLE OF PERSONAL CHANGE

**Published by Life.Church**

STORY BY SALVATORE DISALVATORE WITH JEFF GALLEY, JERRY HURLEY, AND GINGER WARD

Copyright © 2015 Life.Church

All rights reserved.

This ebook was created for you to use, share, and give away, but not resell in any manner. For more licensing information, please visit open.church/legal.

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TABLE OF CONTENTS

Introduction

Prologue

Meet Drew Carver

The Long Road Home

Bad Decisions Pile Up

Part I: Identifying the Problem

The Reunion

Facing The Reflection

The Meeting

Part II: Discovering PACE

The Dinner

The Secret

Beliefs, Thoughts, Language, Actions

PACE

Perspective

The Results

Part III: PACE in Action

Alignment

Capacity

Recalibrating

Spreading Out

Engagement

Getting Ahead

Part IV: Falling Down

The Recital

Square One

Part V: Getting Back Up

Reconciliation

The Long Run

Epilogue

The Way Forward

Afterword

# INTRODUCTION

"Leave things better than you found them."

This phrase was one of the earliest lessons my father taught me. It has always been part of who I try to be, and is a perspective I take into everything I do. Now, with more than 35 years of working behind me, and more than 30 of those years spent leading others, I recognize more than ever the importance of that simple concept.

In the early days of my career, I took my father's advice literally. Does my workplace look better? Has my business grown? Is it more profitable? At some point early on, I realized I was limiting my potential impact. While leaving the tangible things better than I found them was certainly worthwhile, what if I could leave the individuals I worked with better as well? This realization brought me a new sense of purpose, and from that point on helping people grow to be better and more successful became a bigger and more important part of what I loved to do.

Now, I enjoy helping others succeed as much or more than I enjoy succeeding myself. That isn't to say I don't love to excel - but when I see people grow, develop, learn, and experience success in ways they never would have before, it connects with me. It energizes and inspires me. Developing others is one of the great passions of my life, and I feel blessed be in a role that allows me to do just that, alongside many people who share the same desire to help others become the very best version of themselves they can be. This book is the product of those people, and the passion and insights they have collected along the way.

Not long ago, I heard a very successful author and leadership expert say "everyone wants to change their circumstance, but few people want to change their life." I believe there is a lot of truth in that statement. When seeking to make an important change, sometimes the issue at hand is less about the method and more about the motivation. While they may long for change, people often just aren't motivated to make the necessary adjustments in their approach to life and how they may spend their time, energy, and talent. It is difficult, if not impossible, to help an unmotivated person grow and develop, no matter how passionate or skilled the developer may be.

Still, there are many people who genuinely want to grow and develop. These people know that untapped potential lies within them. They just have a difficult time getting out of their own way enough to sustain meaningful growth over time. If you identify with this group, this book is intended just for you.

The concepts presented in this book are meant to be simple and powerful at the same time. They are based on five principles of personal growth and development that I believe are the key components to how people enjoy sustained and meaningful growth over time. These five principles are:

* Self-awareness is the first step in all growth and development.

* People develop best while they are "in the game".

* It is difficult to grow without trusted relationships.

* People only grow when they "own" their personal growth.

* A person doesn't have to be sick to get better.

If we can apply these simple concepts using practical methods and tools, our results can be dramatic. We hope as you read this short story and take advantage of the tools and processes provided, each area of your own life will become "better than you found it."

Jerry Hurley

Team Development Leader

Life.Church

# Prologue

Meet Drew Carver

Keyfare Technologies bristled with an energy that few companies had. The company worked hard to create a balance where employees were able to get their work done but still found time to play. One of those employees, Drew Carver, watched his coworkers smile effortlessly from their desks. They seemed fully engaged—not only in their job, but also in life. Drew had forgotten what it was like to smile. It wasn't that he didn't like his job; he just wished he could find his rhythm again.

He stared at his inbox that was rapidly growing. The emails were endless and he felt like he could never catch up. As soon as he fixed one problem, another would immediately rise.

Once upon a time, Drew had bigger dreams. He was going to do something with his life. He was going to make a difference.

Ten years ago, a job like this made perfect sense. When he accepted a job at Keyfare at the age of 27, he wasn't thinking about a long-term career. Drew just wanted to pay the rent and make good money while he searched for something he truly wanted to do.

Drew awakened out of his malaise when the phone rang. He looked at the caller ID and saw the name of his boss, Michael Duncan, Project Leader of Keyfare Technologies. This was the last thing Drew wanted. Michael hardly ever called him, especially that early in the morning. Drew knew that the news on the other side wasn't going to be good, so he let the phone ring a few more times before answering.

"Hello?"

Michael's voice was taut. "Hi, Drew. Would you have time to swing by my office? I have some things I'd like to discuss."

Drew's mind raced as he tried to think why he was being called into the office. "Anything in particular I should know about?" Drew asked sheepishly.

There was a pause, and Drew heard Michael sigh before he responded. "I'd prefer to discuss it in person."

Drew took a moment to gather his thoughts before heading to Michael's office. He tried to compose himself, but he couldn't relax.

With a sense of dread and bated breath, Drew entered the office and sat down across from Michael's desk.

Michael was 10 years younger than Drew and fresh out of Wharton School of Business. He was slick, flashy, and made sure to keep up with the latest styles. Michael's philosophy was, "Stand out or you'll always stand down." He was a guy with a lot of knowledge but little skill with relationships.

"What's going on, Drew?" Michael asked in his usual condescending tone.

That tone had a way of immediately getting under Drew's skin. It took everything inside of him not to respond out of emotion. Drew knew the role of hierarchy, and most of the time, he would just nod and smile in the hope that it would defuse tense situations.

Drew shifted uneasily in his chair, trying to ignore Michael's condescending tone and his own uneasiness at this ambiguous question. He knew Michael knew something, and his mind raced to a plethora of scenarios. Was it because he wasn't meeting his quota? Was it his attitude at work? It could be anything.

Drew decided to play it cool. "I'm not sure what you mean, Michael."

Drew's attitude agitated Michael. "Please don't act ignorant. I don't have the patience today. I need to know what's going on with you."

Michael pulled out a report of Drew's tracking numbers and handed it to him. "For the past three months, your sales have been trending down."

Drew twitched nervously as he looked over the report. He could feel sweat pouring down his forehead, and he tried to wipe it away with his sleeve. After a moment of silence, Drew finally looked at Michael, who remained expressionless, and said, "I know it's been a bad couple of months. I'm just trying to find my rhythm."

Drew's remorse fell on deaf ears. "I don't have time for my team members to find their rhythm," Michael retorted. "I need to see results, and I don't see any coming from you."

Drew could only come up with excuses. "It's not the same world out there. Things are moving faster. You aren't going to see results right away. I just need a little more time."

"Stop right there." Michael pulled out another file and pointed it at Drew as if it were a loaded gun. "Let's talk about your time."

He handed Drew a usage analysis report that showed how Drew had been spending his time at work. The report revealed Drew spent most of his hours checking out websites that had nothing to do with work.

After a few moments of uncomfortable silence, Michael finally spoke. "You've already wasted enough time, so I'm going to cut right to it. You're on probation, Drew. And let me be abundantly clear—I don't want you to agree that you can do the work. I need to see that you can do great work."

Drew didn't defend himself because there was really nothing he could say. He just nodded and retreated from Michael's office.

Back at his cubicle, Drew stared at his computer, afraid to turn it back on. His mind started to race. He wondered, how did I get here? How did so many things go wrong for me? What can I possibly do to get my day back on track?

Unfortunately, the day wasn't over.
The Long Road Home

Drew returned home after a workday he would like to forget. All he wanted was to find a way to relax and reset himself for the new challenges that lay ahead. Drew's apartment was not conducive to this. It was small, and there wasn't much of a welcoming atmosphere to make it a home. He listlessly threw his jacket on the floor and lay down on the couch. His mind continued to replay the meeting.

Drew turned on the TV to distract himself from reality, but found no respite in the plethora of mindless junk television.

Just then his cell phone began to ring, and Drew looked down to see the name of his ex-wife, Stephanie.

Drew didn't pick up right away. In the years after his divorce, his relationship with Stephanie had become cantankerous. Much like his job, Drew put in the minimum amount of effort into his relationship with his family, especially with his 10-year-old daughter, Lizzie.

Finally, he answered. "What's it this time, Stephanie?"

"You really don't have any idea?" she asked incredulously.

Drew could feel her cold demeanor through the phone line and quickly tried to retrace his steps. Then it hit him—Lizzie.

He flipped feverishly through his checkbook, trying to find his last child support payment. His heart sank when he saw the evidence. His last payment was two months ago. Drew fell back on to the couch.

"I forgot last month's child support payment," Drew said in resignation.

"How could you forget that, Drew?" Stephanie replied indignantly.

He tried to find the words to fix this situation, but his words were the cement on a road of excuses.

"Stephanie, I thought I sent it. If you only knew how bad it is at work. I'm just trying to—"

"Please stop, Drew. No more excuses. This is what you always do," Stephanie said, cutting him off.

"What do you want me to say? I made a mistake."

"It's not a mistake. It's a habit. I didn't want to tell you, but the last check bounced, and Lizzie is about to be kicked out of school because her tuition hasn't been paid. Do you know how embarrassing this is?"

Drew just stared at his checkbook, unsure about what to say to fix things.

Stephanie's patience wore thin. "You know, Drew, it's a wonder you survived to almost 40 years old. You're a child in a man's body."

The words hit Drew like a freight train to the gut, and he couldn't take it anymore. "I know I screwed up, but you had to wait till now to tell me? You could've let me know when it happened. But you like to make me feel beneath you. It helps you feel fulfilled. You enjoy this drama!"

His words were vindictive and sharp. But Stephanie always had the ability to go toe-to-toe with him.

"When it concerns you, I don't have to try hard to find it," Stephanie said sarcastically.

Her comment was the final straw. "You'll get the check tomorrow!" Drew retorted. He hung up and threw his phone across the room, where it shattered into expensive shards. He looked at his broken phone. Perfect end to a perfect day, he thought.

Restless, he decided to go through the mass of bills strewn across the coffee table in front of him. They only made his situation worse. Each bill added to his fear. He knew he was drowning in a sea of debt, and losing his job would throw him into the far end of the abyss. Drew was imprisoned in the life that he made.

But there, at the bottom of the pile, was a glimmer of hope. Drew noticed an invitation mixed in with the credit card bills, rent notices, and car payments. He opened the invitation to find that his high school reunion was coming up in three months.

The logo of his alma mater stirred up warm feelings of nostalgia. It brought him back to a time when he was young and his future was filled with boundless possibility.

Drew also saw the name Cheryl Barnes, the president of the alumni association. Drew stared at the name and smiled. He noticed Cheryl still had her maiden name. Cheryl was Drew's high school sweetheart, and the thought of her stirred up dramatic notions of a lost love. His thoughts built into a labyrinth of "what ifs" and "maybes." Maybe this is the perfect opportunity to rectify a past mistake. Maybe this can start pushing my life in a good direction.

Drew placed the invitation on a clear spot on the counter. He walked over to the mirror and looked at his reflection. It was not a pretty sight to see. His hair had become thinner, his arms more flabby, and his gut was more full.

The reunion was only 90 days away.

Drew came to the conclusion that it was more than enough time to get things right, to get back to who he was, and most importantly, to get back what he lost—his purpose.
Bad Decisions Pile Up

Drew pulled out his credit card and handed it to the incredibly muscular personal trainer in his early 20s. This will be the first step in the right direction, Drew thought.

The personal trainer was full of energy and enthusiasm. "Are you ready to change your life? To be a better you?" he asked excitedly.

"I'm more than ready. I'm up for the challenge," Drew replied.

He walked to the treadmill, popped in his ear buds, and started to run. He could feel muscles move that he hadn't used in years. The thought of himself in shape motivated him right away. He saw himself happier at work and happier in life. He felt that once Cheryl got a glimpse of Drew 2.0, things would rekindle right where they left off, 20 years ago.

This lasted one week.

Reality set in, and Drew found himself buried in an avalanche of commitments at work. This left Drew drained at the end of the day, and no longer motivated for extra-curricular activities like the gym. Eventually, Drew didn't bother with the gym at all. The gym membership became another burden and another monthly fee.

Drew's failure to change became just another disappointment. Every time Drew looked in the mirror, it only depressed him more. The missed goal drained the final bit of optimism from Drew. This was another place he failed, another place in a series of missteps where Drew's good intentions took the best of him.

The reunion was quickly approaching, so Drew decided to pull out one of his prized possessions: a striking, high-priced, three-piece suit. Drew attempted to put it on, but found that his gut had exceeded expectations.

Why do I even bother? He thought. I can't even fit into this. I look awful. People will know I wasted my life.

In a panic, Drew rummaged through the closet, looking for any attractive formal wear. Nothing fit.

Drew's disappointment grew. This was supposed to be his premiere night. In order to make up for his weight gain, Drew used a credit card to buy a suit he couldn't afford. With his debt skyrocketing, his weight increasing, and his emotions tumbling, Drew stood a few steps away from rock bottom.

# Part I: Identifying the Problem

The Reunion

Drew pulled up to the venue and checked himself in the rearview mirror. He combed over the remaining strands of hair on his head and tried to suck in his gut. I can do this, he thought. A few smiles, handshakes, some fun conversations—and maybe tonight won't be all that bad.

His moment of confidence ended the minute he saw the black luxury car pull up and Ryan Harper step out. Ryan was Drew's backup on the Glengrove High School football team, but it looked like he was not a backup anymore. Ryan had grown in confidence and stature.

Drew waved, but instead of waving back, Ryan gave a perplexed stare.

"Ryan? Ryan Harper? It's me, Drew Carver. Old number seven."

Ryan's expression turned to embarrassment. "Oh my gosh, Drew? It's been like forever. You look ... great, man."

Drew noticed the pause before great but did his best to ignore it. "You look like you actually became the big man on campus."

Ryan feigned humility. "Life's not too bad. Got in early on an investment with a fraternity brother and, well, can't complain." Ryan tapped his fingers on the hood of his luxury car with a smug look on his face.

Drew looked at his own car; a 10-year-old beat up compact that had definitely seen better days.

"Well, see you inside, bud," Ryan said abruptly. "Great seeing you."

Before Drew could respond, Ryan was well on his way toward the reception hall.

Alone in the parking lot, reality set in for Drew. Instead of nostalgic conversation and rekindled friendships, this was going to be a night of false platitudes and clichéd hellos. Drew fought the urge to get back in his car and drive away, but he'd come this far. He had to see this through, even if it could become one of the longest nights of his life.

Drew entered the reunion and intentionally tried not to attract attention. Surprisingly, he actually enjoyed the anonymity, that is, until he saw his giant yearbook photo hung up inside the foyer. The picture was taken 20 years ago, right after he led the team to become state champions. He had a glow in his eyes and a big, bright smile. The world was his for the taking.

Drew wanted to spit at the poster. He thought the smiling quarterback staring at him was a giant, naive buffoon. Lost in his thoughts, Drew didn't hear someone coming up behind him.

"Drew, is that you?"

Startled, Drew turned and immediately recognized Cheryl. She looked better than he thought she would. The years had been good to her, and now she walked toward him with a grace she had lacked in her youth.

Drew feigned a confident smile. "The one and only."

Cheryl smiled politely. The pitying look on her face spoke volumes. Drew knew she was shocked at what he had become. The giant, youthful Drew pictured behind him wasn't helping matters. He needed to find something to say—something witty, something memorable. But the only phrase Drew could come up with was, "Life's been good."

Drew tried to break the awkwardness with a hug, but that only made the situation even more uncomfortable.

"Life's been really great for me," Cheryl said, breaking the uncomfortable tension. "Tell me about you!"

"You know. Keeping busy. Lots of stuff going on. Work's great."

"I'm glad to hear that. I always thought you'd be a superstar somewhere. What do you do?" Cheryl asked.

"Work for a marketing company. It pays the bills and I like it, but I have big things in the pipeline. What about you?"

She went into a quick synopsis of how her life had gone thus far. She talked about the places she had been, the wedding that never was, and the joy of finding herself in her 30s.

Drew waited for his opportunity to make his move. He pretended to listen; he even smiled and nodded at just the perfect spots. He finally saw his opportunity.

"You always struck me as someone any guy would give his left arm to be with. I'm surprised you're unattached."

Cheryl gave a coy pout and showed Drew her empty ring finger.

"Well," Drew said, "apparently you live around stupid men. If it was me ..." Before Drew could finish his statement, Cheryl received a text and took her focus off of Drew.

"I can't believe he's here," Cheryl said in shock.

"Um, who's here?" Drew asked.

"Tom Hardy, the head of one of the quickest growing start-ups and our most successful alumnus."

"Oh, that's exciting." Drew said. He attempted to bring the focus back to their earlier conversation. "So are there any—"

"We'll talk later," Cheryl said, cutting him off. "I hope things keep going great for you."

"Same for you," Drew said dejectedly. Bewildered, he stood alone in the foyer. His mind raced to remember who Tom Hardy was. For the life of him, he couldn't place him.

Drew needed a lifeline. He saw Ryan over by the bathrooms and made his way there. "Have you ever heard of a classmate named Tom Hardy?"

"Of course. Don't you read any of our newsletters?" Ryan said, seeming surprised by the question. "Tom Hardy is the biggest thing to come out of this school."

Over the next half hour, Drew tried to find out about Tom Hardy. He came to discover that Ryan's thoughts seemed to be mirrored around the hall.

Drew became jealous of the attention that Tom Hardy was receiving. His emotions were getting out of control, and he needed to find a way to calm his nerves.

What he wanted more than anything was a cold, stiff drink. He looked around the room and found his salvation in the open bar. He hustled over and quickly ordered a double shot from the bartender.

The minute the liquid touched his lips, Drew breathed a sigh of relief. All his anxiety seemed to melt away. He could feel the old Drew from times past coming back—the Drew that was confident, funny, and, most importantly, the center of attention.

Various alumni congregated around Drew. The bar became his podium and he was ready to pontificate. "I can't believe they even throw these things," Drew said to anyone in earshot. "Do we really need a reunion to realize that nothing worked out for us? Half the people here probably hate their lives. I mean, come on, Rogaine can only cover so much."

The alumni around him responded with laughter.

Who cares about Tom Hardy and his super successful start-up? Drew thought. I'm Drew Carver, master of the 20-yard line and captain of conversation.

Drew relaxed in his liquid courage and struck up a conversation with another nearby classmate. "You'd think people had better things to do with their lives than fawn over someone else who happened to be lucky. The world is full of Tom Hardys."

The classmate chuckled and sipped his drink.

By this point Drew was buzzed and quickly lost control of what was coming out of his mouth. "I mean, this isn't a big city. How hard can it be to be named "alumnus of the year" when most people never even leave the state?"

The alumnus responded, "I heard that his wife was actually the reason he became something."

The comment caught Drew off guard. He laughed so hard he almost spat out his drink. When he recovered, he put out his hand. "Hi, I'm Drew."

The classmate smiled as he shook Drew's hand. "Carver, right? You led us to the state championship. That last drive was something out of NFL films."

Drew was blown away by the fact that somebody actually remembered him.

"You should have seen it from underneath the offensive tackle."

The classmate finished his drink and sat his glass down on the counter.

Drew patted the classmate on the back, "Next round is on me. In honor of the glory days. Um, I never got your name."

The classmate turned to Drew. "I'm sorry I never introduced myself. I'm Tom Hardy."

Drew could feel his tongue slowly become swollen. He wanted to take back every word and disappear into a deep, dark hole.

Tom disarmed the situation with a little bit of his own self-deprecating humor. "A lot of stories about me are true. I've actually been told I'm a bit flatulent," Tom said with a wink. This is one of the many things that made Tom special. He had a unique ability to put others at ease, even someone who had been bashing him for a little over an hour.

It didn't matter to Drew. With his foot firmly in mouth, he said his goodbye and walked away.

The rest of the evening didn't go much better. The chairman of the alumni association presented Tom with a special award, reading off his astounding list of accomplishments. By the time he was a sophomore in college, Tom created a viable Internet company. By the time he was 30, he helped fund a relief effort in a small African village. And by 35, he was the benefactor behind several start-up companies.

As he listened to Tom's accomplishments, Drew couldn't help but wonder how one man could do so much when he'd done so little with the same amount of time. Drew realized he had to concretely change his life for the better. His thoughts raced. There had to be something he could do to bring purpose to his life.

Eventually, jealousy started to well up, and Drew focused his attention back on Tom. He watched how Tom interacted with their fellow alumni, and noticed how Tom always took time to talk to anyone who stopped him. He even went out of his way to pick up someone else's litter. Drew was surprised that for all of Tom's success, he appeared down-to-earth and genuinely concerned with the lives of those around him.

Tom Hardy can't be as good as he appears to be, Drew thought. Where are his flaws? His selfishness? He almost comes off like a saint.

Drew finally grew sick of thinking about it and turned his mind from his classmate back to the present. He had to find a way to salvage this night. Then he had an epiphany: he was going to make good on a long-lost regret. He was going to ask out Cheryl. What a moment of redemption! Drew felt that people loved the idea of rekindled romance, and what better story than two old lovers getting back together?

He looked at Cheryl standing alone by one of the tables. But before Drew took a step, the insecurity demon that had been plaguing him all night came back to the surface. He needed to find his buzz and quick. Drew rushed to the bar, downed one more shot, and sighed with relief as the alcohol permeated his system.

After he worked out a couple of cheesy lines in his mind and put all fear behind him, he was ready to take that leap. Now is the time to seize the day, Drew thought, making his way toward Cheryl.

He passed a few classmates who tried to strike up a conversation, but he didn't pay them much attention. He was on a mission, and nothing was going to stop him now. Finally, Drew caught up with Cheryl at the entrance to the venue.

"Cheryl, wait a second," Drew said as he quickly ran to her. Looking at Cheryl, Drew played a scenario out in his mind. He would kiss her and make all of their loneliness disappear. The place would erupt with applause. It would be like a scene from a romantic movie.

As Cheryl looked back at him, her eyes seemed to peer into his soul. Her smile was comforting and reassuring. He could feel himself brimming with the confidence he thought he had lost. He was about to form the words. This was the moment he had been waiting for. This was the moment ... where he had to throw up.

Drew turned away quickly from Cheryl and hightailed it to the bathroom.
Facing The Reflection

Drew muttered to himself as he looked in the mirror. His words were unintelligible, mostly syllables made up of grunts. He splashed cold water on his face, hoping it would allow him to come to his senses.

What he saw in the mirror was shocking. With his bloodshot eyes, he looked like a monster. He splashed more water on his face, but it did nothing to sober him up. He heard the whispers of classmates behind him and incoherently yelled back at them. The room started spinning again, and Drew lost his balance and consciousness and fell to the floor with a thud.

Drew came to lying on the cold floor of the bathroom. He was alone, covered in his own sweat and vomit. Various alumni passed him, but no one offered to help him up. He wanted to be the talk of the reunion, and the cruel hand of fate had granted him his wish. Drew's eyes were about to close again when he felt someone help him up. His vision was blurry, but he could just make out the face of his "savior," Tom Hardy.

Tom walked Drew out to the foyer. Most of the alumni had gone, leaving the two acquaintances by themselves. Tom pulled out his phone. "Drew, let me help you out of here. I'm calling you a cab."

Drew pushed Tom away and made his way toward the door. "I don't need your pity!" Drew drunkenly mumbled before tipping over.

Tom grabbed him before he hit the floor and held him up. "Don't make the night worse," Tom said empathetically.

Drew fought back. "I'm a big fat loser. How can things be worse?"

"If I called you a lawyer instead of a cab," Tom stated.

Drew wearily agreed. He was too tired to fight Tom's charity. Plus he knew that the way his luck was going, a night in jail loomed on the horizon.

Tom waited with Drew until the cab came. They didn't say much. Drew was too drunk to stand by himself, and Tom helped him stay awake. When the cab arrived, Tom placed Drew inside, and paid the driver.

"Where to?" said the driver.

Tom wasn't sure, so he looked at Drew's driver's license and gave the cab driver Drew's address.

The horrible evening finally ended as Drew wobbled into his house.

When Drew woke up the next day, he barely remembered the end of the reunion. The headache he had, however, was a painful souvenir of how badly things had gone. Focused on every step, he slowly made his way to the bathroom.

He looked in the mirror once again, and images from the night before replayed in his head. Drew felt like a passenger in his own life, unable to stop himself from making mistake after mistake.

This is what he'd dreaded but knew was coming: he'd finally hit rock bottom.

Drew started to hyperventilate, knowing full well the repercussions he'd suffer. People would be talking about the night and how he passed out in the men's room. How the once star quarterback fit into every fallen-hero cliché.

He wished he could become someone else. He felt trapped, isolated, and alone. Why is it that every bad decision seems to have extremely dire consequences? Is it wrong to want happiness? Is it wrong to want success? He wondered pitifully. Drew wasn't even sure what success meant anymore.

When he was young, he knew how to work every situation. But now, instead of being in control of his life, time and circumstances were having their way with him.

He poured himself a cup of coffee and looked online for any kind of job he felt he could do well. The way things are going it's only a matter of time until I'm fired, Drew thought. As Drew scanned the job postings, reality set in, and he realized he wasn't qualified for much. If only he would have paid more attention in class, had a plan, and lived more intentionally when he had the energy and youth. But wishing for a second chance was as worthwhile as wishing for a genie in a lamp.

Drew decided to clean up. He picked up his suit that still smelled like alcohol and vomit. As he lifted the jacket, a small business card fell out. Of all the things he did at the reunion, he didn't remember any networking.

Drew saw a name at the bottom of the card—the last name he wanted to see—Tom Hardy. As he held the card between his fingers, he felt frustration welling up inside. He wanted to rip the card apart and put the previous night's events behind him forever.

But then he turned the card over. Tom had left his personal number with a small note:

"Drew, things are not as bad as they seem. I can help you. Meet me at Lanark Diner next Saturday at noon. Your friend, Tom."

As he gazed at the words on the card, Drew felt a certain uneasiness: Why would this "stranger" want to help me?

Drew called Tom's office to accept the meeting.
The Meeting

Drew drove to the diner not really knowing what to expect. He was a nervous wreck. He created scenario after scenario in his mind. What if Tom isn't as altruistic as he makes himself out to be? What if Tom is using me as some experiment? But the question he kept going back to was: Why would someone want to help me?

When Drew arrived at the diner he was 20 minutes late. As he parked his car, he went through a Rolodex of excuses in his head as to why he was late before finally settling on flat tire. That excuse, especially, was fool proof.

Drew bolted to the entrance, the short run nearly leaving him out of breath. As he entered the diner, Drew noticed something was amiss. As he scanned the diner, a glimmer of hope bubbled up inside; Tom wasn't there.

A sense of smug satisfaction permeated Drew. The idea of Tom being late made Drew smile. Tom is just like me, he thought. A person with good intentions and empty promises.

But things were not what they seemed. A waitress tapped Drew on the shoulder and handed him a note. It read simply: "If you want to take this seriously, be here at eight tomorrow."

In one sentence, Tom threw down the gauntlet. Drew put the note in his pocket and walked out. He wasn't going to be late again.

The next day, Drew's alarm went off and this time he made sure not to hit the snooze button. He crawled out of bed and jumped in the shower. He was going to live this day intentionally. Tom had called him out, and that was something he was not going to let happen again.

Drew's intentional morning was paying off. He didn't even face the traffic that usually tormented him. Drew checked his watch and couldn't believe he was 20 minutes early. He allowed himself a smile as he walked into the diner. Tom won't one up me again, he thought.

But that smugness was replaced by shock when Drew saw Tom sipping his coffee and reading a newspaper at a booth in the corner.

Does this guy even sleep? Drew wondered.

Tom cordially waved to a very befuddled Drew. Drew walked over to the booth and sat down.

"I hear the eggs are really good," Tom said.

Drew nodded as he tried to read the menu. But even that seemed like a challenge. His thoughts were on a million other things. He was nervous, uneasy. He tried to get a read on Tom's expression, but it was to no avail. Tom was an absolute mystery.

Tom noticed Drew's anxiety. "Drew, take the foot off the break. It's just breakfast," Tom said as he put away the newspaper.

Drew said nothing. Tom's smile was disconcerting, because as much as Drew tried to be skeptical, Tom's demeanor was genuine. A lot of people pretended to care, but Tom actually seemed to be concerned with his new friend's well-being.

Their orders were telling. Drew, although not much of an egg eater, took Tom's suggestion and ordered his scrambled. Tom, on the other hand, ordered a plain bowl of vanilla yogurt with lots and lots of fruit.

"I thought you said the eggs were good," Drew stated.

"I said I heard the eggs were good. I've never actually eaten them myself. But they smell delicious."

Drew, now befuddled, tried to make sense of this. "So why don't you just order them?"

"I'd love to," Tom said, "but it's just a luxury I can't afford." Tom reached into his wallet and pulled out a picture of himself from over 10 years ago. He handed it across the table. Drew noticed he was still flashing that smile, but he was bigger—almost 75 pounds bigger. Drew tried hard not to stare at it, but it was almost impossible. He looked back and forth between Tom and the picture of old Tom.

"I was a marshmallow man, I know," Tom said with a smile. "I couldn't even walk up a flight of steps without getting winded. It was so bad I actually thought of investing in one of those walkways from The Jetsons."

The joke disarmed Drew, and he quickly found himself laughing. This, in essence, was part of Tom's magic: his ability to self-deprecate, to put people at ease, and ultimately allow them to open up more than they expected.

After the laughter died down, Drew decided to get right to the point. "Why do you want to help me?"

At first, Tom said nothing. He knew the answer, but he wanted to let the question hang and marinate before he answered. "Why shouldn't I?" he finally asked.

"For starters, I spent a good bit of time bashing you at the reunion and saying some nasty things," Drew confessed.

"You bashed an idea of me. You don't really know me. I don't take that kind of stuff personally."

"It's just ... stuff like that sounds too good to be true," Drew retorted.

"I honestly just want to help you. Why does that make you nervous?" Tom asked.

Drew couldn't find the words to answer that question. He knew he hadn't been a terribly caring man and never truly went out of his way to help someone.

Drew finally responded, "Because my dad always told me there's no such thing as a free lunch."

"I said I'd help you. I didn't say I'd pay for breakfast," Tom said with a smile.

Drew barely touched his food and spent the rest of his meal analyzing every move Tom made. Whenever Drew became fidgety, Tom changed the conversation to small talk. The small talk put Drew at ease. They talked about local sports teams, politics, and joked about the quirks of life.

After breakfast, Tom suggested that the two of them go somewhere else. "We need a change of venue."

"Where to?" Drew asked.

"I think we should visit where we came from. Let's go to Main Street."

"I haven't been there in years."

"Neither have I," Tom responded. "It'll be fun to reminisce."

Drew and Tom walked along the streets of their town. The buildings had changed in the time since high school. The mom-and-pop shops were replaced by super centers, and the houses had become condos. Drew hadn't realized how much had changed. He looked around in shock as he walked down the street.

"I guess change happens when you aren't looking," Drew said in resignation. As they continued to walk, Drew's spirits picked up as regret moved to thoughts of nostalgia.

"Hey, remember McGuffin Park? Man, I spent so many good nights there."

He smiled as he thought about the way he used to live when he came here. They were fun days spent with fearless ambition; when his life was carefree and empty of responsibility.

Tom said nothing. His nights had not been spent at the park. Instead, he had spent his nights locked in his room, studying for the next test. But Drew's excitement propelled him to go along.

When they arrived at the address for McGuffin Park, the place was gone. Drew was sullen and wandered aimlessly through the parking lot that the park had become. He put on a brave face, but his eyes couldn't hide the truth. Life had moved on around him when he wasn't looking.

"This spot right here. This is where I fought Jimmy Morelli." Drew ran over to the other side. "And this is where we spent so many nights just wasting time and trying to pick up chicks."

Drew turned around and slowly walked to a final spot.

He sat down. He was pensive and quiet, lost in a world that had long since passed. "I proposed to Stephanie here," Drew said sorrowfully. "We'd sit here and talk about our plans, laying out ideas for our future. We thought we could do anything."

Tom walked over to the spot. After a thoughtful moment, he turned to Drew. "What do you want now?"

Drew, thrown off by the question, tried to contemplate the answer. He sat on the asphalt and looked up at the sun. "I think about that all the time. I want to be happy, to be successful."

"What does success look like to you?" Tom asked.

"I don't know ... you, I guess." Drew stood up. After kicking some cans, he stared at one of the luxury cars in the parking lot and walked over to it. He pointed to it. "This is what success looks like. Is that the kind of answer you're looking for?"

"No. Success isn't material things. Success is what happens in here," Tom said as he pointed to his heart.

"I don't think I have much heart left. Life really broke me."

"I think you do. I admired you in high school. You were the guy everybody wanted to be. I remember the time you stood up to Jimmy Morelli. The guy was a menace. Showed me the inside of a locker a time or two. But, you put him in his place before even throwing a punch."

"Yeah, those were the days," Drew said sarcastically as he leaned against the wall of a building. He took a deep breath. "Do you know what it's like to realize you had everything in the palm of your hand and that you just threw it away? Why did I chase after stuff that didn't matter? I never thought my life through. I just rolled with the punches. And now I'm punch drunk."

Drew pointed around the parking lot. "Look at this place, Tom. It's moved on. It's evolved, but I seem to be stuck at the age of 19, just going around the same circle. I'm approaching 40, and I feel like I had it more together in high school."

Tom didn't judge Drew for what he was saying; he just listened and allowed Drew a place to vent. "So, what are you going to do about it?" Tom asked with a knowing smile.

The question stunned Drew and brought up deep feelings of bitterness. "What can I do? I had my chance, and I blew it."

"Treat life like Jimmy Morelli. Take the time to stand up to it," Tom said like a football coach.

This conversation made Drew uncomfortable, but Tom pressed on. He kept asking questions that forced Drew to look deeper within himself.

"Where do you think it all went wrong?" Tom asked.

Drew laughed bitterly. "The better question is when did it stop being right? When I broke my leg? When I married the wrong woman?"

"This talk is getting you nowhere. What will it take for you to stop making excuses and start actually doing something?" Tom pressed.

Drew couldn't think of a reply. He was all out of excuses and people to blame. Tom's question cornered him.

Tom didn't rush the moment.

Drew finally broke the silence. "I want to change."

"That's a huge step. If you want to change and grow, there's a program to help you accomplish that," Tom stated. "It will help you gain a healthy perspective, align your goals, increase your capacity, and finally engage in your environment. It's called PACE."

"That seems like a lot, Tom. I don't know if I can even accomplish one change let alone four."

"It's not as hard as it sounds. I'll coach you through it."

Drew thought about it. "Okay. What do I need to do?"

"Simple. Meet me for dinner at my house."

Drew scratched his head. "That's it?"

"It's the next step," Tom said matter-of-factly.

Drew wondered what he'd gotten himself into. Tom presented himself like a 21st century version of Mr. Miyagi, and he was going to be his Karate Kid. Hopefully, when it was all over, he could at least have a business equivalent of a "Crane Kick"—a knockout philosophy that would help him at work.

As the two parted company, Drew felt like he was taking the first right step in a long line of stumbles. But most importantly, he felt something he hadn't felt in a long time—hope.

# Part II: Discovering PACE

The Dinner

Drew checked the address again as he drove down the street. Something wasn't right. The homes were too modest; this couldn't be where Tom lived. For all of his accomplishments, why would Tom choose to live here? Drew wondered.

When Drew pulled into Tom's driveway, he was shocked to find that Tom lived in the smallest house on the street and the car in the driveway looked about nine years old. It's not even a nice car, Drew thought to himself.

Drew checked himself in the mirror one more time. During the week, he took some time to press his suit, get his hair professionally done, and make sure to pick out the best bottle of wine he could find. It put him slightly more in the hole than he already was, but he was always told a good impression was worth the effort. Tom was taking the time to work with him; splurging on an extravagant wine was the least he could do since he'd already shown up late, copped an attitude, and never really said thank you.

Drew walked up to the house. For some reason, this whole thing was making him more nervous than he expected. He knocked on the door and was cordially greeted by Tom's wife, Monica.

"Oh, hello, Drew. It's nice to finally meet you. Tom's told me a lot about you," Monica said with a warm demeanor.

"I hope he mentioned some good things too," Drew said.

Monica laughed.

Much like everything about Tom's life, Monica was not what Drew expected. She was very down-to-earth and friendly, like the girl next door all grown up. Drew's nerves calmed somewhat, eased by the warmth of Monica's smile. He handed her the bottle of wine.

"Oh, thank you. I heard this is a very good vintage," Monica said, admiring the bottle. "Please, come in."

Drew had heard that a house represents its owner, and he found this true of the Hardys. Tom's house had its own style and flair, but without the trappings of expensive taste. Drew admired a vintage coffee table at the center of the living room. "This must have cost a fortune. It's pure marble."

Monica gave a knowing smile. "You'd be surprised. We got it rather inexpensively at a neighbor's garage sale. People are so willing to give away the nicest things."

"A garage sale?"

"Tom and I love to bargain hunt. We get most of our furniture that way. We bought that lamp on eBay for under 10 dollars."

Drew's surprise was obvious. "Wow. I've seen that lamp at retail outlets for 100 times that much."

"There's always buried treasure if you know where to look," Monica said.

"From now on, I might start doing that. My apartment could use a little help," Drew admitted.

Tom, dressed down and comfortable, came down the steps. "You aren't boring him with bargain stories, are you?" Tom asked jokingly. Upon seeing Tom's attire, Drew realized how much he'd overthought the evening. The haircut, suit, and wine were all an effort to make an impression on someone who didn't care about those things.

He tried to cover his embarrassment with humor. "I'm sorry. I seemed to have dressed for a sales convention." The joke fell flat, but Tom laughed anyway.

Drew masked his insecurity by observing the living room. He focused on a series of photographs sprinkled around the room. The pictures were of Tom and Monica throughout the years. Drew noticed how happy they were in every picture. Their smiles were consistent with the wedding picture that hung as the centerpiece of the living room.

"How long have you guys been married?" Drew asked.

Tom put his arm around Monica and smiled. "We're going to be celebrating our 15-year anniversary in October. Time just flies by."

"I don't know how you do it. My marriage felt like it was over in about 15 weeks."

Monica squeezed Tom's hand. "It takes a lot of sacrifice, and an attitude that says, 'You matter more than any point I want to make.'"

"Man, it's great to see that some people know how to make it work," Drew said as he turned away from the happy couple and looked at some of the other artwork in the room.

Monica was just as observant as Tom, if not more so, and quickly changed the subject. "Why don't we head to the dining room?" Monica asked. "Do you know Tom actually cooked this dinner?"

"I just want to apologize in advance," Tom said playfully.

Drew woke up from his trance. "A home-cooked meal sounds amazing, no matter the cook."

As they gathered around the table, Tom did something else that caught Drew's attention; he started dinner with a prayer. "Dear Jesus, I thank You for the good company You have brought us. I thank You for the dinner we're about to eat, and please bless our conversation. Amen."

The prayer surprised Drew. Tom's prayer didn't sound cliché or hokey. It sounded real. Like he was truly thankful for everything that had been given to him.

The pre-dinner exchange was just a warm up for how Tom and Monica interacted during the actual main course; each of them had a role to play. Tom and Monica teamed up to do the dinner chores. When one would bring the appetizer, the other would bring the entrée. It was like a dinner ballet. Drew was amazed at how effortlessly their marriage seemed to work.

When Monica talked, Tom actually listened and engaged with what she had to say. And the look in Monica's eye when Tom went into one of his stories was one of admiration and respect. Drew believed there was a reason why Tom was able to accomplish what he had done; he had someone who absolutely believed in him.

"So, do you guys ever fight?" Drew asked.

Monica looked at Tom and began chuckling. "Yeah, we fight. We fight all the time."

Tom smirked. "Not all the time. Just when I do something boneheaded."

Drew was baffled. He'd never met two people who had such genuine love for each other. He'd seen so many of his friends' marriages end in divorce that it seemed like an unavoidable reality. But Monica and Tom threw everything Drew had come to believe about marriage right out the window.

Drew sat back, and thought for a moment. "I look at you guys, and you're genuinely happy and content. Please tell me the secret."

"All right, I guess I've made you wait long enough."

"Tom always has a flair for the dramatic," Monica said.

"It makes things more interesting. Let's clean up, and all will be revealed," Tom said, like a master magician toying with his audience.
The Secret

After helping the Hardys clean up dinner, Drew followed Tom to the deck. Drew was extremely fidgety, so Tom pulled out two high-end cigars and offered one to Drew.

"I don't usually splurge on myself, but I feel that a good cigar is a nice reward for a job well done," Tom said.

Drew smelled the cigar and let the aroma light up his senses. He took a puff, and it allowed him a small token of relaxation. He leaned back in his chair and sighed. "Your life has turned out great, and everything seems so effortless for you. It makes me realize how much I need to do and how little time I have to do it."

"When you think like that, you're defeating yourself before you even begin," Tom retorted. "Your thought life is a big part of your problem," said Tom.

Drew stood up, walked around the deck, and took in his thoughts. He realized he needed to be intentional with what he said, and now was the time to be open about how he felt. Drew gathered his courage. "It's the facts. My life sucks, Tom. It absolutely sucks. I don't know what to do. So I just sit back and let life break me. I have a boss who wants me gone. I have a wife who hates me. A daughter I never see. I'm alone. I'm not lucky like you."

Drew sat back down, took another drag off his cigar, and waited for Tom's reply.

"It's not luck, Drew. I wasn't always like this. I had more failures than I can count. Everything I do comes from constantly learning what I can, growing where I should, and believing in something bigger than me."

"Is that why you pray?"

"Yes. I know what I'm actually capable of, and if it wasn't for Christ, I could have ended up a whole lot worse."

"You could be me," Drew sarcastically self-deprecated.

"That kind of talk will kill you, Drew. You need to change it."

"How? I don't have youth or money on my side anymore."

Tom's demeanor changed. He became emboldened and passionate as he spoke. "I'm not going to fill your mind up with platitudes and clichés. What I'm about to tell you is not some grand secret or quick-fix, self-help talk. I can just tell you what worked for me. I can share the things I did that helped me get here. All I need is a little bit of trust from you."

Drew agreed. "I trust you. I have nothing else to lose."

Tom began to coach. "You trust me, but do you trust yourself?"

"I think I do. I don't know."

"I listen to you, and you continually talk negatively," Tom pointed out.

"You have a low view of yourself, but that's not all of you. You also have a deep desire to become the person you were always meant to be. Why don't you see that part of yourself?"

Drew smiled at the encouragement. "I don't know. I was always told what I couldn't do. It was a great motivator for a while. But now, knowing what I can't do is making me afraid to move."

Tom grabbed one of Monica's flowerpots. "That's why we're going to have to go to the root."
Beliefs, Thoughts, Language, Actions

Drew watched and mimicked Tom as he tended the plant. Tom was meticulous and treated every leaf with care. Drew knew Tom cared greatly about these plants. Why would Tom allow me to even go near them? He wondered.

"I never took you as a gardener, Tom."

"It's my little gift to Monica. She loves this garden. So I take some time to do the busy work, and that allows her to enjoy the fun part."

"Do I pick up a hobby? Will that get rid of my negativity?" Drew asked.

Tom turned to Drew. "You don't have to. But it helps. The important thing is becoming more self-aware. When do you think you hit your lowest point?"

"Easy. The reunion. That's a night I'd like to forget."

"What if I told you there was a way the night could have been prevented?"

"Yeah, I could have stayed home," Drew joked.

"It wouldn't have mattered. That whole night was put into motion long ago. It was a lesson in being unintentional. Let me put it this way. The action of the drunken stupor began with what you believed."

"I believed shots of tequila would calm my nerves," Drew said jokingly.

Tom held back his laughter. "It's a little deeper than that. I'm going to show you how self-talk affects our actions. You start out with your beliefs. It's what we believe about ourselves, even if it's not true. Belief is powerful because it subtly navigates our decisions if we allow it."

Drew thought about this for a second. "If we're being honest, I think I'm a joke. Like I told you before, I'm a cautionary tale of what not to do."

Tom picked up one of Monica's seeds. "This seed represents your belief. It's small, and most of the time you don't pay it a lot of mind, but it has the potential to grow."

Drew smirked. "I want it stated, for the record, that I knew you were going to pull out some Mr. Miyagi wisdom."

"Whatever it takes to make it stick."

Tom placed the seed into an empty pot and covered it with dirt. "The dirt represents your thoughts. You think you're a joke, so you start creating scenarios in your mind where everyone around you also sees you as a joke. These thoughts start to shape your interactions with other people."

Drew grabbed a seed and studied it. "So how will I know if I'm looking at myself in a negative way?"

Tom lifted Monica's watering pot and watered the dirt. "Look at how you talk. Language is a powerful thing. We start saying what we think and believe. You felt like a joke. You thought others felt the same way, so you started to talk as if you were a joke. And before you knew it, you acted like a joke. Just like the seed eventually becomes a plant." Tom replaced the pot of dirt with a different pot containing Monica's perfectly kept plants. He held it up in front of Drew.

"So my actions are like this plant. It started out with the seed of belief, and then those beliefs blossomed into me actually becoming what I believed?"

"Exactly. You started to fuel that belief by your actions. The way you engaged with everyone and compensated for your insecurity with alcohol caused you to grow into this." Tom pointed to the fully grown plant.

Drew held the tiny seed. "How do I change the seed?"

Tom put the plant away. "Just like it takes work to turn belief into action, it will take work to reshape your belief. All of this is a process and doesn't happen overnight. That's why we need to start with what's right in front of us."

"I'm in. Where do I start?" Drew said excitedly.

Tom patted him on the back. "We have to change your perspective. Follow me into the study."
PACE

Tom and Drew walked into Tom's study. As expected, it was full of books, but what really caught Drew's attention was the set of wind-up teeth on Tom's desk. It showed that Tom didn't take himself too seriously.

"I didn't think they even made these any more," Drew said with admiration.

"You can find anything if you know where to look."

"Should I be worried about a whoopee cushion somewhere?" Drew joked.

"Watch where you sit," Tom said playfully.

As Drew continued to look around the office, he noticed a well-worn Bible sitting on Tom's desk. The Bible looked like it had been through the wringer.

Maybe this is where Tom gets all of his knowledge, Drew thought. He opened it and saw that page after page was marked with handwritten notations. There was even a bookmark in Psalm 23.

"That book has a lot of answers. It's the basic foundation for everything I do," Tom remarked.

"So that's what changed your life?" Drew inquired.

"My relationship with Christ did. Before I gave my life to Him, I was a different person. I was much more self focused, worried constantly, and had no discipline in my life."

"So that Jesus stuff works?" Drew asked.

"It's powerful. Surrendering my life to Christ added grace to my life and it set the foundation for how I lived going forward."

The spiritual discussion began to make Drew uncomfortable. He wasn't ready to really go into that kind of change, so he politely changed the subject.

"So this is the inner sanctum of Tom Hardy?" Drew asked.

Tom wasn't out to push an agenda, he just wanted to help his fellow alumnus, so he played along with the segue.

"It's the lair. If you pull that book over there, a door opens up into a secret passageway," Tom said mysteriously.

"Really?"

"No. But, it would be cool though."

Drew brought the conversation back to the task at hand. "So, if you don't have a secret power, how do I fix my life?

Tom sat behind his desk. "Did you ever want to know what people actually thought of you?"

"Who doesn't?"

"Well, perspective enables you to understand that," Tom said. "When I was younger, I didn't pay attention to how the people I interacted with actually saw me. People were getting the wrong idea of me ... or no idea at all."

"Present company included. I never even knew who you were," Drew said sarcastically.

Tom continued. "It's because I never opened up to let people know who I was. After one of my first start-ups failed, I realized I needed to change. I looked inward and reprioritized. I simplified my life into three parts: family, work, and community. Or the three mirrors of my life."

"Three mirrors?" Drew asked.

Tom pulled out three small mirrors from his desk drawer. He marked each mirror with a label: Family, Work, and Community.

"Tom, you're losing me. What do these mirrors have to do with how I see myself on the inside?"

"That suit you're wearing right now. How do you think you look?"

Drew smirked. "All things considered, I think I look pretty good."

"How do you know that?"

Drew nodded in his epiphany, "Because I looked in the mirror."

"Now, imagine you didn't have a mirror, and you spent an evening with spinach in your teeth. How happy would you be if someone let you know what was wrong right away before you spent the whole night with green sprouting between your incisors?"

Drew laughed. "I would be grateful."

"Right. So just like you use a mirror to make sure you look good, you use feedback to measure how you're lining up with the way others see you. It's allowing someone to be that mirror for you."

Tom pointed to the first mirror, marked "Family."

"The first mirror is family," Tom said. "And it's the mirror I put the most time into. For me, family is a huge priority, and it's the part of my life I make sure is stable. Monica is not just a wife; she is my life-mate, my partner, and my rock. If my relationship with Monica is off, my whole world can come crashing down at a moment's notice."

"But what if she doesn't view you the same way?" Drew asked.

There was a pause as Tom formulated his answer. "Monica is a true gift from God. She has the ability to encourage and inspire me to achieve things I never thought possible. One key to keeping our relationship so healthy is that we dearly value communication. Both of us have the freedom to say what we want to say, and know that we're still truly loved, no matter what."

"It seems like communication and being honest is the answer to a lot of things," Drew retorted.

"It's not the answer, it's the root. We don't just rest in that knowledge. We have to grow and build from it," Tom said.

Drew stared at the mirror. "I'd love to have Stephanie give me her input, but let's be realistic. She isn't exactly going to be unbiased."

"Of course, family isn't just who you are or were married to," Tom pointed out. "Do you have any brothers or sisters?"

Drew smiled. "A brother. He's always been the one guy I know I can count on. It's funny. He's my younger brother, but he seems to have grown up faster than I have."

"Those who've known us the longest often have the most intimate view into our lives. They usually have an interesting perspective because they're using their past view of you to define who you are now. Your life choices could probably be traced back to how you spent your time back home. The way your family members answer questions about your present may give insight into the lifelong habits you've developed."

Drew took out his phone. He used his notepad app to start jotting down everything that Tom was saying.

Tom pointed to the second mirror labeled "Work." "Now for the second mirror."

Drew slunk back into his chair. "That's going to be interesting. I'm not exactly the go-to guy around the office."

Tom drew a chart. "This whole thing is about making progress one step at a time. It's all interrelated. Don't let setbacks or revelations scare you from moving forward. My work mirror was fixed after I realized that Monica needed to be a priority."

"So you struggled in work, too?" Drew asked.

"We spend the majority of our day at our job. And those that we work with can see the best and worst of us on a continual basis. Just like we have habits at home, we have habits at work, too. I had a habit of being isolated and too self focused. Not really a team player."

"That's exactly what I need to be at work. I need to be more team oriented."

"It's interesting you bring that up," Tom said with his usual knowing smile. There was a joy in his eyes as Tom pointed to the final mirror marked "Community."

Drew smiled. "That will be a positive mirror. Community is important to me because I love meeting new people, and I always strive to keep my friendships. I think it's one of my greatest strengths."

"Is it?" Tom asked. "Making people think you care about them and actually caring about them are two different things."

"So, I need to focus on being an active contributor to the community around me?" Drew inquired.

Tom nodded. "Community was the place I grew the most. I became involved in the neighborhood watch group and eventually worked my way up to community leader. Having influence in the community was a huge step in growing my confidence and helping me move outside my comfort zone."

"You seem extremely comfortable now."

"I wasn't always like this. It took years of practice. That's one of the things that I admire about you, Drew. I'm not exactly a people person. I'm very much an introvert. I can lose myself in my own thoughts and desires and not really think about other people, so these conversations mean as much to me as they do you. We are all growing."

"So, how do I have a real way of rating the feedback? I mean, people can say anything they want. People can see things their own way. I might not have 'spinach in my teeth.'" Drew said as he looked down at his notes.

Tom reached for his tablet and pulled up a sample survey from the PACE website.

"This is the PACE feedback survey. It asks a series of questions to you and the people in your life that you've chosen to fill out the survey. It's divided into the sections we just discussed. We then compare others' responses to how you answered the questions. It will let you see if your view of yourself lines up with how others view you."

"That seems simple enough."

"But be intentional about who you pick. Make sure they're people that really know you and aren't afraid to be honest," Tom explained.

Drew stared at the tablet. He still felt like he was in over his head.

"Don't get scared," Tom said reassuringly. "Once you get your results, we can make a plan to put all of your feedback into action."

On one hand, all of this sounded really good to Drew. It would be great to know how others thought of him; he could begin to get an assessment of his life. But, it would also mean he would discover what people truly thought of him.

"I'm a little afraid, Tom," Drew said. "This could be a lot of information I never wanted to know."

"It's going to be a little rough at first," Tom warned. "The key to all of this is a willingness to be vulnerable and allow others to say how they really feel about you."

Drew thought for a moment. His initial instinct was to say that he had nothing to lose, but one of the hardest things for Drew was vulnerability. To allow Tom access into his feedback meant Tom had the opportunity to judge him on what others thought.

"Here's the thing, Tom. I am afraid of how others actually perceive me— especially you."

"Don't let fear stop you from growing. That kind of mindset is like never going to the doctor because you might find out you have cancer. If there's something wrong, ignoring it won't stop it from being there."

"I see your point. It goes back to what I believe. I need to believe this tool is here to help me. I can use it to focus on the places that I fall short."

"And you can also shore up the parts of you that are strong. Not everything you're going to find out will be negative. And remember, everything we discuss is to help you. The Bible says, Wounds from a friend are better than kisses from an enemy."

Drew nodded. "It's just strange, you know, we never talked in high school. But I trust you like I've known you my whole life. I hardly trust people I have known for years."

"Please know that I don't take that trust lightly."

Drew nodded, "Thanks, Tom. I really think I'm starting to see things in a more positive way."

As Drew looked over his notes and packed everything up, he was surprised by how the night went. It was nothing he had expected, but then again, neither was Tom.

As the two friends walked to Drew's car, Drew looked up into the night sky. The stars that decorated his world spread out infinitely.

Tom, who was never one to leave a great metaphor hanging, pointed them out. "This is the turning point for you, Drew, and the first step to becoming who God intended you to be. Once you start to gain perspective, the sky is the limit."

Drew laughed nervously. "Awesome. I can't wait."

"Make the list as soon as possible, and seriously, Drew, take some time to really understand why you're picking the people you're sending the questionnaire to. As you move forward, ask yourself these two questions: How will your actions align with your overall goals, and what will the feedback reveal about how you're interacting with people?"

"That's a hard road."

"Things worth doing usually are found on the hard roads," Tom stated.
Perspective

Drew sat in front of his computer. He stared at the PACE website and nervously set up his account. He looked through the contact list on his phone and compiled a list of people. He organized their names into the three different categories: Family, Work, and Community. Next to each category was a reason why they should take part in his survey.

Once Drew started compiling the list, his fears began to drift away. It was time to get rid of the spinach in his teeth.

For family, Drew put down his ex-wife Stephanie, brother Eric, cousin and former roommate Teddy, and his parents. Drew was nervous to add his father. John Carver was a stern man who never expressed love to his son.

John's parenting style was to push. He pushed Drew to be a premiere athlete and to pick a college major that was marketable. He pushed and pushed until Drew finally cracked under pressure and eventually just stopped trying. But as nervous as he was to put down his father's name, he wanted to know his opinion even more.

That uneasiness continued as Drew entered into the work section. Over the past few years, Drew had a reputation as a lone ranger who only focused on himself. He wasn't sure how much equity he had burned with the team, but if Tom was right, this may be a way of focusing on what to work on around the office and quelling some of his fears.

Drew put Michael's name down first, then most of the coworkers he came into direct conflict with. He wrapped up the work portion with some of the coworkers he figured had a very high view of him.

The final piece of the survey was the hardest. Drew had some friends, but he hadn't been active in his community. Drew had worn the most masks within this mirror. The people he considered friends had only seen the best of him. It was a mask he never really took off, even with his friends. He wanted them to always think the best of him, but now he was about to find out what they really thought of him.

Steve was Drew's best friend since college. They spent many milestones together. But Steve never really challenged Drew. He always saw the best in him. Steve was someone Drew could take the mask off with and be completely himself around. But Drew realized that their friendship never actually went too deep. Most of the time they spent together was going to sporting events or bar hopping. Drew thought that maybe Steve didn't really know him, and there was potential that Steve's answers would show his best friend was a stranger.

These thoughts didn't concern Drew too much; he believed he'd score very high in this section anyway. So even if his work rating was low, in Drew's mind this balanced everything out. Drew wrote the final name on his list.

After emailing the PACE Feedback Survey link, it was now time to take the survey himself. As he looked over each question, he was surprised to see how thorough they were. They were broken down into three categories: Alignment, Capacity, and Engagement. Each answer was graded on a scale from one to five with one equaling never and five equaling always.

The Alignment questions focused on how Drew pursued his goals and if his actions were aligned to what he wanted to achieve. The question that struck him most was about his ability to avoid temptation. He had never thought about how giving in to temptation would affect his goals. He always just did what felt good. Drew liked to think of himself as a strong person, but he knew that when his emotions took control, he would engage in unhealthy activities like drinking or sleeping around. Since his divorce, Drew had taken part in many empty relationships. Drew answered that as a three.

The Capacity questions were the area Drew struggled with most. Each question seemed to pertain to his attitude. The first question asked about how he viewed himself. The moment he read it, Drew felt compelled to stop.

Drew realized he wasn't happy at all, and that his overall demeanor must have been the reason work was becoming so monotonous. Drew was very hard on himself in this section, and the highest rating he gave was a two.

Two sections were finished, and he was already starting to come to hard realizations.

The final part was Engagement. Looking at the questions, Drew realized the reason things weren't working as well for him was because he made things all about himself. He never set out to serve others, and the majority of questions pointed to how selfish he had become.

But change was already taking place. As Drew continued, he thought about ways to live for others, build them up, and worry less about who was building him up.

The last two questions in the survey were phrase based. The first question read: "What is this person's greatest strength?" Drew took a while to figure out his answer. He wasn't really sure what his strength was.

After thinking on it, Drew decided that one of his greatest strengths was his ability to learn multiple things at once. He was the kind of guy who could pick up a new skill very easily.

He was then asked to describe his greatest weakness, which he found very tough to answer. Drew never focused on his weakness because he felt like it would be a detriment. But this was a new Drew who was emerging, one who was more self-aware. And knowing where you're weak is just as essential as knowing where you're strong. After his mind drifted off in various directions, he answered with the word he was currently feeling: "unfocused."

After he locked his answers, the real challenge set in—patience. As he waited for the results, Drew comforted himself with the fact that this was a baby step toward change. No matter what the results were, he would use the information to move forward and be the person he always wanted to be.
The Results

Drew arrived at the diner extra early and ordered a big breakfast, but he was so nervous he didn't even touch his food. He sat at the table and waited for Tom like it was Christmas, unsure if he would get the present he desired.

When Tom finally arrived, Drew almost jumped out of his chair.

"I have to tell you, Tom, I don't think I've been this nervous since I applied to college."

"Once we break this down, you'll see there's nothing to be nervous about."

Drew gave Tom the feedback results, and they looked over the survey together. Drew was a little let down when he saw the disparity between his answers and everyone else's. He finally understood that he was not as self-aware as he would like to be. But Tom reassured Drew that this was a positive thing.

"How is that positive?" Drew asked.

"Because now you know where you are, and where you can grow."

Tom pointed out that one of the places where Drew was in agreement with the rest of the answers was in his ability to learn quickly and accomplish multiple tasks. Drew answered highly, and so did his coworkers.

"This is a plus," Tom said. "People see this as a strength."

"Yeah, but they also rated me low in engagement."

Drew felt exposed. He looked at Tom for reassurance, but Tom was poker-faced. He continued to go through the results.

Drew's evaluation of himself rarely matched up with his coworkers' responses, and it showed there was a large disconnect within the "work mirror." It wasn't all negative, though. Drew's coworkers saw him as a bright, creative, big thinker. But instead of focusing on these positives, he focused on where he felt he came up short. Tom realized this and, like a good football coach, decided to question Drew about it.

"It's not as bad as you think, Drew. Your coworkers really believe you're an asset. You can't look at just the negative. Grow from it. Why do you think your coworkers said this?" Tom asked.

Drew looked their answers over. "Because I never ask for help. I do what I have to do to make our quota or reach out to a client."

Tom pressed further. "Why? Your coworkers appear to want to engage with you. Why don't you respond?"

"I have no clue. Probably because—" Drew caught himself and didn't finish the sentence. He waited for Tom's reply. He would rather hear Tom's perspective before making any more assumptions.

"What do you think it means?" Drew asked.

Tom followed it up with another question. "How is your attitude at work?"

Drew thought for a second before he confessed, "I'm bored, Tom. I feel like I don't get any of the assignments that mean anything. Most of the time it's busy work."

"Why do you think that is?"

"To be honest, because of my attitude. I checked out. The job seemed awesome when I was 25, but I didn't know any better then. I thought making decent money would fulfill me. How was I supposed to know that 50,000 dollars wouldn't pay for much by the time I hit 40? And don't even get me started on how for how hard I bust my tail, and how I was passed over for promotion after promotion."

"I want you to look at the friend mirror. They rated you rather highly in engagement. Why?" Tom asked.

"Probably because I'm comfortable around them. I'm just able to be myself."

"And what emotion do you generally project?" Tom asked.

"Happy."

"Now what do you think that says? Do you see a connection?"

Drew thought for a moment. "Wait. I get it. I need to be happy with myself. The happier I am, the more of a joy I am to those around me. The more they will see that I care."

"That's a good outlook. Now, how can you translate that to your work relationships?"

"I think people want to know you're engaged with them before they engage with you. They need to know you care about them before they open up, right?" Drew said with a smile.

Tom opened up the rest of the survey. "Let's look at the family mirror."

Drew's family results were the place where he scored the lowest.

One response read: "He's out of shape because he cares so little about himself."

"What do you think that means for you?" Tom asked.

"People think I'm lazy."

"Drew, you keep seeing it negatively. I think people see potential in you, a potential you don't even see in yourself," Tom observed.

"The family section is the harshest," Drew pointed out.

"Why do you think that is?"

Drew opened up, "My family was tough, Tom, especially my dad. He had incredible expectations, and I just never felt like I measured up."

"I'm not a counselor, Drew, but I'm curious. How did that make you feel?"

"Honestly, it made me feel like I shouldn't even bother. Yeah, my grades weren't the best, but I tried to never fail. As I got older, I just felt there was this imaginary yard stick that only my dad could see."

"At least you see the effect. Drew, our lives are full of patterns. What we do in one place, we'll continue to do somewhere else. We think we can move on, change, start over ... but the point is, we take us with us wherever we go."

"That's very Zen, Tom," Drew joked.

"It's just an observation. I think that's why a lot of people fail. They think a new setting will fix past mistakes, but it's only a matter of time before old habits rear their ugly heads."

"I think you're saying I have to change me," Drew said dejectedly. "How do I do that?"

"Take the time to fix three things. It's not a lot when you think about it. But focus on three manageable things you can track and quantify progress in. Like budgeting better, working out more, etc. Let them become your anchor, your core. They can help you build momentum, and before you know it, your whole life will start moving in another direction."

Drew slumped. "I feel like my life is such a mess, I don't even know where to begin. I don't have time to get healthy or focused. My finances are a catastrophe. I don't go to the gym because I'm working overtime to pay off debt."

"Money seems to be your number one problem right now, so this is what we're going to do—"

"You're going to give me a million dollars?" Drew asked mischievously.

"No, but you are going to make some changes to your spending. Next time we meet, I want you to bring in your monthly statement. I'm going to recommend a money manager to help you get on a regular budget. We're going to see where the money's going."

"I know where it's going. My wife's pocket."

Tom chuckled. "We'll get to your attitude later."

# Part III: PACE in Action

Alignment

Drew paced around the study as Tom looked at the report from the money manager. Drew's impatience could be distracting to many, but Tom didn't pay attention; he just stayed focused on the task at hand.

"Do you own a frying pan or a stove?" Tom said as he looked up from the mountain of receipts and statements.

"I take it that's sarcasm," Drew said.

Tom marked the small purchases in red ink and laid out the statements, "Restaurants are bleeding you dry, Drew. If you cut eating out to just weekends, you could save yourself up to $500 a month.

Drew livened up when he heard that number. "You're kidding me, right?"

"No, it's that simple," said Tom.

Drew looked enthusiastically over his bank statement. How could I have been so blind? he wondered. There it was in bright red ink: stupid, little purchases. A fast food meal here and there. A frozen treat for dessert. A random download of a book or a movie. All the small purchases seemed insignificant on their own, but together they added up quickly into a mountain of debt.

Drew put down the statements. "I'm going to be honest. I don't know how to cook." Drew fought that feeling of inadequacy that usually made him run for the door.

But there was something about Tom that set Drew at ease.

"You did taste my cooking, remember? I'm not a master chef," Tom replied.

"How could I forget?" Drew said sarcastically.

"It doesn't mean you can't attempt it. Learn and grow. Cooking is a good metaphor, actually. If you just say 'I can't do it' and don't try, will you ever become good?"

"You're right. You're right. So what happens after I make adequate meals?" Drew asked.

Tom drew a balloon on the back of one the papers. "It's pretty simple once you see it. Think of debt like a small hole in a balloon. It doesn't always just pop and startle someone into making a change. It's often a small pinprick that causes the balloon to slowly lose air. A person doesn't realize until it's too late that there's nothing left inside. But once you get the small purchases under control, with the money you'll be saving, you can start paying off your credit cards. And with your finances in order, you can head back to the gym. Then you've made progress in two areas."

"It sounds easy, but I know I don't have the discipline," Drew admitted.

"Remember, it's one step at a time. You need to start making choices that will get you to where you want to be later. It's called alignment. You want your goals and actions to align with the person you want to be."

Drew pointed at his bank statements. "Tom, I don't think you see how big of a hole I put myself in."

"I think we need to have a little adventure. In fact, you can drive." Tom through his car keys to Drew.

Drew found the open road freeing. For an older car, it held up remarkably well. As Tom and Drew drove down the highway, Drew started to grasp some of the things that Tom had been saying. His mind felt clearer than it had been in years. That is, until Drew realized he had no idea where they were going or where they were currently.

Drew looked around at the highway and had no clue where he was. "Where are we going?"

"Anywhere you feel."

"I'm kinda just enjoying not thinking about anything for a moment."

"Then just keep driving," said Tom.

Drew cranked the car into another gear and floored it onto the highway.

After about an hour, Drew didn't recognize any of the landmarks. He turned to Tom "I think I got us lost."

"We're never really lost. We just discover something new," Tom said in his Zen-like manner.

The statement made Drew nervous. "Tom, that doesn't make me feel any better. And I think we're running out of gas."

Tom took out his GPS and put in a search for the nearest gas station. He placed the GPS on the dashboard, and the car was on its way.

"Drew, you just learned a lesson in alignment," Tom stated confidently. "Do you see how we wasted time and gas and didn't even realize we weren't going anywhere? We were just driving aimlessly."

Drew shook his head. "Yeah? But what's this have to do with my debt and health?"

Tom pointed to the GPS. The voice on the GPS instructed them in the direction they needed to go. It took them two hours to drive to a nowhere destination. But with the GPS leading them, it was a smooth 30-minute ride back, with a refueling stop along the way.

As they arrived at the gas station, Tom continued. "You only have a finite amount of time and energy, so you want to make sure you're using it wisely to get somewhere. When you align your goals with your overall vision, it acts as your own lifestyle GPS."

Drew looked at himself in the window. "So if I want to manage my debt, I put myself on a budget. Then, when I purchase something, I ask myself, 'Is this bringing me to the correct destination?'"

Tom smiled in approval. "Exactly. Connect your momentary behavior to your overall goal. Just like directions in a GPS bring you to your destination, your daily decisions will help you achieve your overall goal. So what do you want?"

Drew thought a moment. "I want to be fit financially and physically."

Tom nodded. "Great goals. That's your personal mission statement. When you do something, constantly ask yourself if it aligns with that."

"Tom, I want to ask you a favor," Drew said softly. "Looking at the PACE Feedback Survey, I know I'm undisciplined and unfocused. I want to ask for your help in getting back in shape. I know you were able to lose weight, and I want you to hold me accountable."

Tom put out his hand. "You got it. Meet me at the gym tomorrow morning at 7:00. You're ready for the next lesson—capacity."

Drew shook Tom's hand. "Thanks."
Capacity

After Tom's evaluation, Drew made noticeable changes at work. Instead of isolating himself in his office, Drew spent his lunch break in the cafeteria with the rest of his teammates. Drew wanted to be someone known for what he could do for the team.

Michael noticed Drew's better attitude and offered him a chance to head up the Renke account. Renke was the Moby Dick of the Global Sales Department; various account managers wooed the company, nearly winning their business, only to fall short at the very last minute.

Drew jumped at the chance to bring Renke on board. His associates all said the same thing: "Renke can't be won over. Renke has no respect for small companies." But the desire to achieve the impossible fueled Drew. He viewed his coworkers' criticism as negativity—negativity he didn't have time for. Drew focused on being a positive influence.

Drew rushed ahead. He set up meeting after meeting with various players at Renke, and it appeared they were interested in Drew's plan; but something lurked beneath the surface.

Chris, a new recruit directly out of college, entered Drew's office that morning with a downcast look on his face. Drew immediately knew something was up.

Drew put his research away. "What's wrong, Chris?"

"I don't know how to bring this up. But I was talking with my friend at another office. He told me that Renke likes to play games. They're not interested in working with a small company. They want to just use us as leverage for a better deal with a bigger firm."

The news seemed to come out of left field. Drew knew they would be a challenge, but he didn't expect Renke to be so unprofessional.

"What exactly did you hear?" Drew inquired.

"My friend's firm brought a decent proposal last year. But Renke started asking them questions they weren't prepared for."

This didn't make sense to Drew. "What kind of things did they ask?"

"Questions about their past clients, like what kind of companies they partnered with before, more about their clients than the company."

"That's good to know. Thanks for telling me."

Drew took his time reworking the proposal, making sure that every "I" was dotted and every "T" crossed.

The day of the negotiation finally came, and Drew presented his proposal through a keynote address. It showed how in the past decade, despite some early failures, Keyfare rose up as a leader in small business.

Drew finished his report with an impassioned plea: "You want to be noticed. You want to project that you are a company who cares. The thing that we can give you, the thing that will set you apart, is engagement. You can engage with your clients in such a way that they feel empowered just by being around you. It's not about what you get, it's about what you give. And what you are giving is a chance for your clients to evolve into something more."

Drew stepped down after he made the presentation and was immediately applauded by the members of Renke. As Keith Renke, the young CEO, shook Drew's hand, the smile never left his face. Drew took the smile as a very good sign and allowed himself to relax. Thanks to Chris, Drew was ready for anything Renke would throw at him.

Renke's chief communications officer, Jennifer Graf, was not as impressed. "I have a few additional questions if that's okay."

"We're ready to answer any questions you have," Drew said confidently.

"Is Keyfare's network able to handle a massive overhaul to the server?" Jennifer asked.

Drew froze. He wasn't knowledgeable about those sorts of details. He was the sales guy and didn't have time to learn the intricacies of software and related technical jargon. Drew's mind raced to any kind of information he could find to get around this line of questioning. He forced a smile and did what he did best—talk.

"Keyfare has an established web presence that puts a focus on social media. We create virtual word of mouth and subtle product placement by making sure that your products are placed in everyday pictures. People will be dreaming about Renke products in their sleep."

"Do you have actual numbers on how this works?" Jennifer rebutted.

Drew's mind was blank. "It's difficult to measure, but I'll look into it."

Drew looked at his notes, trying to find a more complete answer.

"This all looks very interesting," said Keith. "We'll get back to you."

Keith and Jennifer said goodbye and found their way out. Michael held Drew back for a moment.

"What happened there?" Michael asked.

Drew was thrown for a loop. "I thought it went okay."

"Did you? If you dpn't know everything, at least act like you do. What was the number of visitors to their website last quarter?" Michael asked as he looked through the proposal.

"I'm not a numbers guy. I don't know how the stuff we talk about actually works."

"Drew, you dropped the ball here. Why didn't you bring in Chris? He has an eye for these kinds of details. That's what we pay him for." Michael took the files and walked out, leaving Drew alone to wonder what went wrong.
Recalibrating

Drew wasn't himself when he met Tom at the gym. He was still reeling from the disaster that was the Renke meeting.

"How did the meeting with Renke go?" asked Tom.

Drew leaned back against his locker. "It went great until the end. I didn't stick the landing."

"I know this was a big contract for you. What happened?"

"I had them, Tom. I had them eating out of the palm of my hand. I hadn't felt that good about a presentation in a really long time."

"That's great. So why do you look like you're carrying the weight of the world?"

"They wanted details I didn't know." Drew wanted to change the subject and get into the workout room.

"This is a great thing to learn from. You just got your first lesson in figuring out your capacity."

Drew sighed. "I thought this was about making me complete and able to handle more."

"No one can do it all. Capacity is just an honest evaluation between what you can do and what you can't. Where do you think you succeeded?"

"That's easy. I had them ready to listen to anything I had to say. It was just that I had no clue how to answer their questions."

"You're a people guy, Drew. And you're a big thinker. But details seem to be your Achilles' heel."

"Details drive me nuts. I don't think they'll ever be a strength of mine."

"And it doesn't have to be. You just have to be honest and aware that it's a weakness."

The two of them made their way to the weight room. Drew hit the weights like he had something to prove, focusing his energy into every lift. Tom watched as Drew showed a tenacity that he hadn't seen before.

Drew held the bar above his chest and felt the weight pinning him to the bench. He'd already done eight lifts, and wondered if he could do one more. Everything in his body told him he couldn't, but he had to find out.

"You got this. You can do one more," Tom encouraged.

Drew could barely breathe. He could feel his body wanting to stop, but he pushed through and lifted the bar one more time. His arms shook, and he cried out in pain. "Spot me!"

Tom's hands came down and eased the bar back up to the slots. Drew breathed a sigh of relief.

"You just learned something new," Tom said with a smile on his face.

"That I can barely lift my body weight? I could have guessed that."

"That's just a bonus. What you actually learned was a lesson in capacity. You pushed yourself to do things you never thought possible and trusted me to catch you if you couldn't."

"I lifted the bar two more times than normal. Big deal! Plus, I had you spotting me," Drew stated.

Tom took the weights off the bar and placed them on the ground. He took the empty bar and lifted it. Considering it was just the bar, it wasn't hard. Tom barely even broke a sweat.

Drew watched with a bored look on his face. "I don't see what you are getting at. Anyone can lift just the bar."

Tom put the bar back in place. "Exactly. That's what so many of us do with our lives. We basically just lift the bar, over and over again. We think we're getting somewhere. But in the long run, what did we actually do? We lifted what we could."

"I'm still not following you," Drew admitted.

"Know what you're good at, but also do more than you think you can, with some help." Tom grabbed extra weight from the rack. "Spot me on this." He placed a twenty-pound weight on each side.

Drew watched, unsure of what Tom was trying to show him. Lifting forty pounds was nothing, and Tom lifted the weight with ease.

"When I work out like this, it is beneficial?"

Drew smiled as he started to understand. "Not at all. You're lifting the amount you always lift. You're not growing. You're doing the bare minimum."

Tom said nothing.

"Right?" Drew asked, looking for reassurance.

Tom went over to the weights. He grabbed weight after weight, adding them to the bar until it exceeded his body weight. There were so many weights on the bar, other people in the gym began to notice.

Drew watched nervously. "You may want to go easy there."

"I'm going to lift this—with your help."

Tom gave one last stretch before he lay down on the bench and gripped the bar. As Tom lifted the bar, his body began to tremble.

He lowered the bar almost to his chest. He wavered, and the bar pivoted.

"Spot me!" Tom wheezed.

Drew quickly grabbed the bar. "Dude, what were you thinking? You could have killed yourself!"

Tom caught his breath and uttered just one word, "Capacity."

Drew was bewildered. "Yeah, I see that. Mr. Olympia wouldn't attempt what you just did. Are you crazy?"

Tom laughed. "Capacity is understanding how much can you handle. If we're not careful, we can overestimate how much we can actually accomplish and wear ourselves out in the process. The key to capacity is knowing what we can and cannot do. And then use that as leverage."

"Next time I think I can handle everything, I'll think of the time you almost killed yourself," Drew said as he sat on the opposite bench.

"Do you see the metaphor? The next part is about our strengths. What's yours, Drew?" Tom asked.

"Easy, people skills. I genuinely enjoy being around people, and I like to make anyone I talk to feel like the only person in the room. I also see the big picture."

Tom nodded. 'That's great. Relationally, you're very strong. Now let's look at that strength and look back at the meeting. How did your relational skills help you in that negotiation?"

Drew spoke quickly. "It got me in that room. Renke liked me a lot, not just because I was kissing butt or anything, but because he genuinely liked what I had to say."

"Exactly. And holding someone's attention for a long period of time is not an easy thing to do. You had them, and they were willing to listen to you. So let's go back to where it went wrong."

Drew's mind raced for an answer. "I did everything I needed to do. The presentation and pitch were professional and straight to the point. Renke could've kept listening to anything we threw out for as long as needed. Maybe I didn't talk long enough."

"Straight and to the point is good. You don't want to overstay your welcome."

"But that's exactly what I did."

"No, you're still thinking in the box of failure. It was something else. What happened after you gave your pitch?"

"They started to ask questions. Questions I had no idea how to answer."

Tom wiped the bench down and stood up. "If you learned anything from today, know that it's okay to say 'spot me.' Ask for help where you're weak. Share the win. It's not all about you. In fact, it probably wasn't even your responsibility to know those details, was it?"

"No ..." answered Drew. "Why does everything sound so simple after you say it?" Drew joked.

"Because I've been there. Next Monday, meet me at my office during your lunch break. I think it's time you met my team."
Spreading Out

Drew was still upset over the Renke debacle, but he looked forward to going to Tom's office and learning how Tom interacted with his world. Tom had been such a mystery. Perhaps this would give a little more clarity to the man behind the curtain.

The two friends walked through the halls, and Tom greeted his employees. The more he saw Tom in action, the more intimidated Drew became. Tom didn't walk with bravado or arrogance, but you could tell from his employees how much they respected him.

"How did you build all this?" Drew finally asked.

"I didn't build all this alone. I had help. A lot of help," Tom replied. "It's the same thing we went over at the gym. You can't do everything on your own in your career either. You're relational. You have a unique way to network, to get people to buy in to what you believe, but you're limited in knowledge. And admitting that is a great start."

"But, it just feels like I'm admitting I'm not good enough."

"That's the insecurity talking. How far are you willing to go down before you admit you need help?"

Drew pondered his reply. "I get what you're saying. But look at you. People absolutely respect you."

Tom stopped and turned to Drew. "Why do you think that is?"

"Because you are a man who demands respect."

"No. It's because I acknowledge the value of others."

Tom led Drew to the conference room, where they met Joanna Dorma, his number two and the VP of Corporate Relations. Joanna had been working for Tom for over 10 years. She was Tom's first employee after the failure of Nu-Think and was Tom's most loyal asset.

Joanna was a passionate, self-aware manager who made sure her influence wasn't wasted. She strove to give every employee a voice in the company and maximize each person's talent in the best way possible.

When Tom and Drew entered, Joanna was working with Jason Wyngarde, the innovative brain of the group. He had a remarkable ability to take in a lot of information in a short amount of time. He studied every angle before he made a decision. But there were times when Jason's knowledge could cause him to appear aloof and self-absorbed. Since working for Tom, he had grown leaps and bounds toward becoming more patient.

Drew observed their interaction as they broke down one of Jason's new ideas. There was an uneasy tension between the two as Joanna looked over Jason's report.

"You're sure this is where you want it to go?"

"If I didn't want it there, I wouldn't have written a 10-page report." Jason stopped himself. "I'm sorry, Jo. Let me rephrase that. I think if we follow this formula, we can anticipate how our numbers will track."

After they finished, Jason and Joanna met with Drew and Tom.

"So, Drew, Tom tells me you're in marketing at Keyfare. Were you behind courting Elpam Industries last year?" Joanna asked.

"Yeah. How do you know that?" Drew said in shock.

"I like to know a little bit about the people I'm going to meet."

"They're an interesting firm," Jason said. "You must have done your homework to land them. They're projected to be a major player in the coming decade. I think their ideas on app integration are revolutionary."

Drew scratched his head. "Yeah."

Joanna pulled Tom aside to show him some proofs. "Don't forget," she said, "we have a meeting in two hours about the new hires."

"Almost forgot. Thank you."

Joanna and Jason left the conference room and returned to their offices, exchanging pleasantries with Drew.

"So what do you think?" asked Tom.

"I just met them, and I can already tell they are two very unique people."

"Yes, they're like my secret weapons. They make me better. Actually we make each other better. I don't need a right hand man, I have a right hand team."

"This goes back to your whole thing about spotting, doesn't it?" asked Drew.

"Exactly. You need to be more intentional about learning who you are. Know the places where you're strong and the places where you're weak. Then surround yourself with people who will fill in the gaps."

"So what I should've done was use Chris's knowledge to fill the gap. That way, instead of one man knowing only so much, a team of people can cover each other's weaknesses. Where one is weak, the other can complement him. A team can see multiple angles of a problem, while one man is stuck within his own limitations."

"Exactly. You need to start engaging your environment more. You have a pool of resources around you. Use it."

"That's easier said than done."

"That depends on you. You need to invest in engagement."
Engagement

Tom's office space was very practical. There were only six cubicles, with a giant collaborative boardroom in the center. Tom and Drew sat in Tom's office.

"You built quite a place. I'm still wrapping my head around your team. They both seemed really friendly. They knew a lot about me. It made me feel way more important than I am," Drew confessed.

"That's engagement. Be willing to connect and invest. Engage in your own development and growth, and then take that and invest in others."

"But it's so hard just to keep my head above water," Drew admitted.

"Doesn't matter. By engaging and putting others first, it causes trust to grow. When you put others first, it will create a deeper relationship. For example, when I first met Joanna and Jason, they were very different."

"How so?" Drew asked.

"Well, for one, Jason was creative and smart, but he had low empathy. He came off like a bully, acting like only his ideas mattered. People never felt like he listened or heard their ideas."

"He seemed to know everything about me. Like he truly wanted to know what I thought."

"It's because he was able to grow. Before that, Jason would just talk to people based on what he needed. Now it's the other way around. He's actually getting married soon. His change in philosophy changed his personal life, too."

"Wow. Maybe there is hope for me," Drew said.

Tom laughed. "Now, Joanna, she was the opposite of Jason. She cared too much about what people thought and was totally afraid of feedback."

"I'd never have known. She seemed so on-the-ball. I just knew she had it together the minute she walked in the room."

"She does. She is a natural-born leader; it was just buried underneath years of self-doubt and insecurity. I brought you here to show you firsthand what you can become. You aren't hopeless, Drew. We all have places where we come up short."

"I get what you're saying. I need to be honest about how I feel."

"So how do you feel?" Tom asked.

"For the first time in a long time, I feel really good."

"That's great. Now is the time for you to start being aware of what puts you in a good mood or a bad mood. Don't ignore it or numb it. Keep a journal of your day from now on. Not every day will be filled with the epiphanies you've been receiving."

"Why do I need to journal?" Drew asked.

"Because it will let you know when you work best, what wears you down, and how you handle stress. It's a place to safely vent what you're feeling, and then you can go back and look at it when your emotions are more in control."

"I get it. When I'm dealing with people, instead of seeing how I feel in the situation, I can be aware of how others are feeling first."

"I think the slow, uphill climb has gained some momentum. You're making great progress," said Tom.
Getting Ahead

Drew returned to work with a clear head on his shoulders. He noticed Chris was having trouble dealing with the fallout from the Renke debacle, so he decided to set up a meeting with him.

"What did you think of the Renke meeting?" Drew asked.

"I feel like I should've done more homework," Chris answered.

"We all should have. It's not your fault. I was leading the project, and I totally left my blind spot open. You, at least, had done enough homework to know where there could've been a problem. You saw details I never even noticed." Drew felt like he was turning into Tom when he said that.

The encouragement lit Chris up. His whole demeanor changed.

"So, let's build on the momentum and commit to working more as a team in the future," Drew stated.

"Definitely."

Over the next few weeks, Chris and Drew continued to team up on other projects. Chris was a bright mind, and had a lot of the same qualities as Drew. They both were outgoing, but Chris focused more on the small details rather than the big picture. This helped Drew see some of his own shortcomings.

Drew put a little more energy in at work. He was more focused and disciplined. He wanted to make sure he covered all of his bases and gave his team a setup to win.

The team dynamic began having a good effect on Drew. He found himself actually enjoying being at work again. He started to use his experience as a tool. Most of the team members were like Chris, fresh out of school and a little wet behind the ears.

Drew saw himself as a mentor, and the rest of the team did, too. Instead of being the angry has-been behind the desk, Drew became the storyteller and advisor.

After landing a particularly hard client, the team decided to take an impromptu trip to Vegas. Drew wasn't sure if he wanted to go. He was making headway in his debt, but after coming off probation, the bonus from Michael would give him a little wiggle room.

Drew didn't discuss it with Tom. It wasn't that Drew didn't want Tom to know, but Drew felt that he was making progress and this was a perfect time to see how he could do on his own.

Drew was disciplined on the Vegas trip. He took out only 100 dollars, and left his credit card in the hotel. He didn't want to overspend and dig himself into a bigger hole. The plan worked, and Drew actually came back with an extra 75 dollars.

For the first time in almost 20 years, he felt like he was on top of the world.

But not all the changes were positive. Drew spent most of his weekends meeting different women who found his age and wisdom appealing. Unfortunately, he regressed to a lifestyle he hadn't embraced in quite some time—sleeping around.

And as Drew enjoyed the road to rebirth, he began to forget about the one who brought him there.

At first Drew didn't think much about it. He had missed his Saturday meetings with Tom for good reasons. The team had to work some weekends to prepare for a new client. Before long there was always something that took precedent. Drew didn't even notice. With each new win in life, Drew's confidence grew, but also with each win, he called Tom less and less.

The last Saturday in the month, Tom waited patiently at the diner. After 30 minutes, Tom ordered his lunch and continued his routine of reading the news. Ultimately, the hour was up, and Tom sat at the booth alone. Drew didn't even bother to call and cancel.

Tom finished his lunch and left the diner. The meetings were over.

# Part IV: Falling Down

The Recital

As the year went on, Drew moved at full speed ahead. He found himself invigorated and continued to work out. Besides helping Drew get in the best shape of his life, the gym also served as a welcome stress relief. On days when work didn't go as well as hoped, Drew worked out his aggression on the weights. It eventually became as much a part of his routine as brushing his teeth.

Drew continued to be a dynamo at work. Drew tackled every project that came across his desk. He even spent time assisting some of the newly recruited talent. Michael took notice of Drew's new habits and started putting him in more and more of a leadership position.

With his personal life under control and work life taking off, Drew found the time to get involved in his daughter's life. Drew's relationship with Lizzie had always been rocky after the divorce, and it became the number one source of contention with Stephanie.

Before Drew's growth, he never knew the toll it took on Stephanie when she had to look at the heartbreak her daughter felt every time Drew broke one of his promises. With Drew's erratic behavior, and the failure to come through with his child support, Stephanie was at her wits' end.

But while working with Tom, Drew had made an effort to turn things around with Lizzie. Drew showed up every weekend, and even more surprisingly, came early and always had a plan. Drew's reinvigorated spirit was contagious. Lizzie's demeanor seemed to change. She was active in school, and her grades greatly improved. Lizzie had finally become a priority for Drew.

Drew opened up his filing cabinet and pulled out a red necklace. It was a gift for Lizzie. She had a recital coming up on Friday, and Drew spent weeks thinking about the perfect gift for her performance.

He knew he didn't have a lot of margin in his budget to overindulge, but he wanted to give her something special. He remembered there was an old heirloom from his grandmother, a small ruby necklace. He went to a special jeweler and had the necklace restored to its former glory. Drew was proud of this accomplishment; he knew the gift would knock Lizzie's socks off.

The phone rang and brought Drew back to attention.

He put the necklace away and answered the phone.

"Drew, this is Michael."

"Hi. Is everything okay?"

"Absolutely. I got a phone call from Bryce. He wants to know if we could move the meeting to Friday night. He's only going to be in town for one night, and I figured we could do a little wining and dining."

Drew looked at his calendar. The meeting was now at the same time as the recital. "I'm sorry, Michael, but I have a prior commitment. My daughter is doing her first recital that night."

"That shouldn't be a problem," Michael replied. "How much do you believe in your team?"

"One hundred percent. The team is completely prepared."

"Okay. I'll take your word on it."

Drew thought for a moment. He didn't want his team to think he was leaving them high and dry. "You know what? I can show up for the dinner, but I'm going to have to leave early. I can just be there for moral support if that's okay."

"Absolutely. I want a team where family comes first. Thanks for still being flexible."

Drew sighed when he hung up the phone. He had dodged a bullet, and he knew Chris was certainly up to the challenge. It looked like things were finally moving in a great direction.

The night of the meeting, the team decided the best course of action was to take the new client to the posh new gastro bar at the center of town. Before arriving, Drew set an alarm on his phone to remind him when it was time to go.

Drew hit it off with Bryce at dinner. But something was amiss. Chris seemed unsure and overanxious.

Drew decided to steer the conversation away from business and onto Bryce's interests. "I think the Yankees are going to be in for one long stretch. With the old man gone, I don't think they have anybody in that organization with a clue about what to do next."

"And I can't tell you how thrilled I am about that," Bryce said excitedly. "I hate that team. Growing up an Orioles fan, you kind of get used to losing. Especially with the Yankees always buying the best players."

"It's not about what you can buy. Good teams develop their talent," Drew rebutted. "Not to talk shop, but you can see the young stars we have hear at Keyfare. They're the exact group of people you want to team up with."

"You guys do seem to have a great talent pool. There are a lot of young minds eager to make an impact. But they also have a maturity," Bryce said. "I'm impressed so far."

Drew's alarm went off in his pocket, and although it was on vibrate, it distracted him.

Bryce noticed. "Everything okay?"

"Absolutely. I have my daughter's recital soon. And I set a reminder so I wouldn't be late."

"A family man. I like that," Bryce said. "I like a company that puts family first."

Chris seemed uneasy with the attention that Drew was getting, and he finally chimed in. "Sir, if I can be bold to say, the thing that Keyfare will offer you is leverage. I believe that understanding your strengths and leveraging them to bring you to the place you want to go is the key to a good partnership."

The comment was innocent, but something about the way Chris said it hit a nerve with Drew. I knew this would happen, he thought. Chris is trying to one up me.

Drew's belief, that Chris was trying to compete against him instead of work with him, changed the way Drew thought about Chris. And just like Tom had stated earlier, those beliefs turned to actions. Instead of leaving, Drew decided to stay a little bit longer to see how the meeting continued. He ordered a beer, sat back, and listened.

After an hour, Drew looked at his watch. Time completely flew by, and Drew was going to be a half hour late. Great! Now I made things worse with Stephanie, he thought. Drew quickly said his goodbyes and rushed out the door.

Drew stealthily tried to find his seat next to Stephanie. As he sat down, he could tell that she was in a bad mood.

"Did I miss it?" Drew asked.

"No, but where were you?" Stephanie angrily whispered.

"I was at a work meeting. It ran long."

There was a moment of silence. Stephanie smelled something on Drew's breath.

As the show ended, Stephanie pulled Drew aside. "Were you drinking?"

"No!" Drew said defensively. "Where is this coming from?"

"I smell it on you. Is that why you were late?" Stephanie said accusingly.

"I told you. I was at a meeting. I had one beer. That's it," Drew pleaded.

The tension continued to build. The day had taken a toll on Drew, and he displaced his anger onto Stephanie. Their conversation was now definitely above a whisper, and the other parents noticed the heated exchange between the couple.

"This is why I can't stand being in the same room with you, Steph. You only see the worst in me. You don't realize what I'm trying to do. You just assume things."

Stephanie held her ground. "So, I just assumed that you were a deadbeat in our marriage? I just assumed your lack of drive and your nights out until one in the morning? I guess I just made all of that up."

Drew fought back. "I don't have time for this. You don't even know the day I had. You know what? I'm out of here!"

"Fine. Do what you always do—leave!"

Drew gave a condescending wave and walked out of the recital hall. When he got to his car he noticed the wrapped gift sitting in the passenger seat. He realized that he had never even said hello to Lizzie. He felt awful. No argument was worth this.

He immediately grabbed the gift and ran out of the car. When he finally returned to the entrance of the recital hall, Stephanie and Lizzie were gone. Drew returned to his car feeling like a complete failure.

He stared at the gift. Maybe if I go straight to the house I can fix this, he thought dismally.

Drew drove over to Stephanie's house. When she opened the door, she looked at him with absolute disdain. Stephanie's eyes showed a woman who had spent many a year trying to hold it all together. The burden that Drew had placed on her had taken its toll, and she looked much older than she was.

"I'm really sorry," Drew said remorsefully.

Stephanie was silent.

"I didn't get drunk. I was at a business meeting, and I had one beer. That was it. The reason I was late was because the meeting ran long."

"You crushed her, Drew. She looked for you after the recital, and once again I was left making excuses."

"Where is she?"

Stephanie said nothing; she just pointed him in the direction of Lizzie's bedroom.

"Steph, I know I screwed up. I know I did. But if you'll—"

She cut him off mid-sentence. "Don't explain it to me. Explain it to the daughter you let down ... again."

Drew got the message and stopped apologizing. He walked to his daughter's room. Music blasted from behind Lizzie's door. As Drew knocked, he heard his daughter call him in from behind the door. Drew looked at his daughter. She was full of all the hope and wonder that children have, but there was a quiet brokenness underneath.

Lizzie barely made eye contact as Drew spoke. "Lizzie, I'm so sorry. I never meant to come late or make you think you weren't important. You mean the world to me. I know this was a big night for you."

Lizzie shrugged and went back to reading her book.

Drew sat down next to his daughter, unsure of what to say to make up for his mistake.

Drew held out the box. "I got you this."

Lizzie opened it and saw that it was her great-grandmother's old necklace. She closed up the box and handed it back to her father. "I don't want it."

Drew's face showed his shock. "What ... why? You always wanted this necklace."

Lizzie took a deep breath and turned away from her father. "It will just remind me how many promises you break."

The words hit Drew like a stab in the gut. As he looked into Lizzie's eyes, he came to full awareness of everything he had done. Drew wanted to hug her, to find a way to make all of this disappear. But he had no magic power. He had no exits. He just had a daughter whose heart he had broken.

"I'm really sorry," he said and walked out the door.

Once Drew sat in the car, he called Tom.

Tom will know how to fix this. Tom will tell me exactly what to do, Drew thought. But Tom didn't answer, and it just went to voicemail. Drew tried to reach him at the office, but it was the same result.

The lifeline was gone. There would be no rescue. Drew had to face the consequences of his actions alone.
Square One

Drew started going back to the diner every Saturday. He sat at the end of the booth, looking haggard and beaten. He gulped his coffee and glanced up with restless anticipation, but no one came. Minutes turned to hours, but Drew stayed.

He looked down at his empty coffee cup and back up to the clock. It was almost two in the afternoon. Drew had been there all day.

Marlene, the waitress, refilled his coffee. "I see you every day, going on two weeks now. Same time. Same order."

"I'm waiting for someone," Drew said. "Does Tom Hardy come here anymore?"

"Sorry. He stopped coming months ago."

Drew pulled out his cell phone and called Tom for the fourth time that day. There was no answer. Finally he resigned himself to the fact that he would never see his friend again.

Drew paid his bill and exited the diner. As he opened his car door, he saw Tom's car pull into the parking lot. Immediately, hope returned to Drew. Tom didn't even get out of the car before Drew went running up to him.

"Tom, I never thought I would see you again."

Tom said nothing as he walked past Drew and went inside. Bewildered and perplexed by the situation, Drew followed him into the diner.

When Drew entered, he noticed Tom doing his usual routine. Tom ordered from the waitress, then opened up his newspaper. Drew rushed over to Tom's table and sat down.

"Tom, I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to ignore you. I know I let you down. I'm selfish. I'm sorry."

Tom sighed and looked at Drew. "You didn't let me down. It was never about me. This entire thing was about you. I called you numerous times. What happened?"

The realizations of the events that had transpired washed over Drew like a wave. "I screwed up," Drew said softly. "I screwed up big. I'm just not sure what to do anymore."

"What happened?"

Drew told Tom everything—every mistake and every consequence. He talked about how he had become conceited with success and how old habits started to resurface. And how he became selfish.

"Maybe I just used your plan to get ahead. Clearly I didn't make an effort in our friendship once my life got back on track."

Tom just took it in, listening intently. He didn't say anything.

"I just think to myself, how can I have been so stupid? How did I not see this coming?" Drew finally confessed.

"How could you have seen this coming?"

"That's easy. I don't get ahead. Life doesn't come easy. It's just who I am. I can't handle good things."

Tom waited a moment before speaking. "You were deceived."

The phrase was so alien to Drew. It only made his frustration come to the surface. "Please don't play mind games. I know exactly what I've done. I'm not deceived. I'm sitting right down in the gutter."

"I would agree. You know exactly where you are. That's not where you are deceived. You're deceived on how you got there."

"I need answers, Tom, not riddles."

"Listen," Tom said gently. "You know my history with weight. It's something I didn't trust myself with. That's why I always eat salads and never give in to things that I may love to eat. I know I should want the salad, but that burger and fries still looks so delicious."

"It's because they are delicious. There's nothing wrong with eating a burger every once in a while."

"But that's the point. I don't trust myself to just do it once in a while. There's a thing, Drew, called self-trust. They're the parts of our behavior that are our strengths, where we make right decisions consistently."

Drew nodded.

"But there's another side. It's self-doubt. It's the area where we know we're weak. Just like the example I gave you about food. We know we're weak, and we don't trust ourselves to make the right decision. To make right choices, we may need some help to stay disciplined. But, Drew, as long as I've known you and we've been doing this, there's been a part of you that brings you down. It's your blind spot. It's where you give into self-deception. Think about it. How many times have you put yourself over other people?"

"I don't keep count."

"When was the last time you became unraveled and felt entitled?"

Drew thought for a minute, and then suddenly it hit him. "Once I started becoming successful, I never returned your calls. I started to go right back to old habits and behaviors. I even made decisions that caused me to be late to my daughter's recital. I'm no better now than I was six months ago. I'm never going to change."

"Don't go there, Drew. You are making progress. You're more self-aware. You regret your decisions. You want to do well. Did you mess up? Yeah. Did you mess up big? Probably. But is it the end? Not at all. You're teetering on a line. You can either choose to continue being honest and humble, allowing others to help you, or you can cross over into a place that's very hard to come back from—surrender."

"But I do surrender. I screwed up!"

"You misunderstand me. The surrender I'm talking about is where we just resign to the fact that we'll never change or grow. And we just embrace the parts of us that aren't good."

"I don't want to do that," Drew pleaded.

"The hole may be big, but you can still climb your way out. If you surrender now, you could make decisions that will completely destroy you. It would be like me saying, 'I may never be able to be healthy, so you know what, let's just add on 100 pounds.' Or someone else saying, 'I may never be able to control my emotions, so I'll just numb the pain with alcohol.'"

"That's crazy, man. I would never want to do that."

"Tons of people never realize the danger of their habits. They say they would never do that. But if you surrender, that's what you'll do to yourself slowly. You'll continue to walk down a path that, over time, will bring you closer and closer to self-destruction. You have people in your life, Drew. People who want to help you. I want to help you."

"I don't deserve it. I feel like for every good step taken, I take about 15 back. I'm not a good friend. I'm just a guy completely wrapped in himself. I really don't pay attention to how I affect people."

"That may be true, but you can learn from it and keep walking. Don't let setbacks equal defeat. Be content that you're making progress. All progress is good, even if it's small."

Drew listened and agreed. "Tom, I understand why you wanted to help me the first time around, but why do you want to help me now?"

"I finish what I start."

"No, it's more than that. I was a complete jerk. I need to know why you'd still help me."

Tom sighed heavily. "Do you remember why you fought Jimmy Morelli back in high school?"

"Yeah. He kept picking on this poor sap—made his life miserable. I couldn't take it anymore. Someone had to do something."

"That poor sap was me."

"No way. The kid was some chubby, awkward kid ..." Then, suddenly, it all began to come back. "Wait. I do remember you now. Every day after gym I would see you fall out of the locker."

"Jimmy Morelli never messed with me again. That's why I never forgot what you did."

"Wow! Fighting Morelli was one of the best decisions I ever made, and I didn't even realize what I was doing."

"You have a good heart, Drew. You cared about someone you didn't even know. And your instincts let you make a good decision. So now imagine what your life will be like when you start living intentionally and disciplined."

"So why didn't you ever tell me?" Drew asked.

"I didn't want you to think that was why I was helping you. I never wanted you to think I'm doing this out of some obligation."

"If it's not out of an obligation, why do you do it?"

Tom took a deep breath. He looked Drew square in the eye and uttered one word.

"Grace."

"Is that, like, your daughter or something?" Drew said befuddled.

"No. It's what my life has been full of. I told you that it all changed for me when I discovered Christ. When I surrendered my life to Him, it began that process.

"But isn't it just religious mumbo jumbo?"

"It's real, Drew."

Drew stood up and looked at Tom. He could see that Tom was as serious as he'd ever been. But Drew had so many doubts. So many preconceived ideas about religion.

"I see it, Tom. I'm just not sure I believe it."

"That's okay. I just want you to know what changed me."

Drew went back to his meal, but he couldn't get his mind around everything Tom had shared.

# Part V: Getting Back Up

Reconciliation

Drew returned to work that Monday a little more optimistic. Although the past few weeks were filled with some of the worst decisions Drew had made in a long time, he had gained control of his emotions. Before, a bad decision would send Drew into a downward spiral. Now, he realized one setback wasn't the end of the world. Drew's thought life started to change. It's never over until I surrender, he thought. And I'm not a quitter.

Drew sat at his desk, looking over his agenda and figuring out what that first step would be.

Drew's regret over what happened with the recital had been weighing on his mind. He knew he let Lizzie down, and her last words to him as he walked out the door haunted him. Drew swallowed his pride and reached out to Stephanie one more time.

Drew could hear on the phone that Stephanie's patience had hit its breaking point. "Drew, I have nothing left to say."

"Listen, Stephanie. I'm going to make this up to her." As he spoke, he looked through various websites to find something to do, and then inspiration came. "Lizzie's favorite band comes to town in three weeks. I'll get the tickets, and I promise I will not miss this."

After some time, Stephanie relented. "This is it. No more phone calls. If you don't come through, I'll speak with my lawyer about having your visitation rights amended."

"I won't let you, and especially Lizzie down."

Excited about his second chance, Drew looked to buy the best, most expensive ticket available. But something inside his head told him not to. He'd been down this road before. He would always pay for something he couldn't afford just to impress someone. Drew swallowed his pride and bought tickets in a more affordable price range.

It's about spending time with Lizzie, not about impressing her, Drew thought.

Weeks went by, and the day of the concert finally arrived. Drew lived that day intentionally. He went into the office extra early so he would have all his work done and be on time for his plans with Lizzie.

Everything continued to move on schedule, but then something started to happen around the office. He heard a buzz that Bryce was coming back to make final preparations for the deal. Drew tried to stay focused on his actual workload, but curiosity got the best of him. He walked into Michael's office to see if the rumors were true.

Drew peeked his head into Michael's door. "I don't mean to bother you, but is Bryce ready to sign?"

Michael waved him in. "I was just going to come by your office. He's not quite ready. We have an impromptu meeting tonight to answer Bryce's reservations. You have enough on your plate. I was going to handle this."

Drew felt a rush of emotions go through him. Why is this so hard? How many times will work and family interfere with each other? Every time I feel like I'm starting to get ahead, there is something in the way.

Drew couldn't stop feeling like he would fall behind. But he didn't want to leave Lizzie feeling neglected again.

If Lizzie is the most important thing, then I have to act like she is, Drew realized.

"Michael, I wanted to let you know I can't make the meeting, but I would love to do some prep work with Chris and set him up to win."

"That's a great idea. Glad to see you putting your family first."

Drew felt the insecurity rising up, but Lizzie was a bigger priority. "I have my phone with me if you need anything. Thanks, Michael."

The prep meeting in Michael's office had a different feel to it. Drew had moved past Chris's immature attitude from earlier. It was very freeing to not take things personally. He was relaxed and appeared to be in his element. He finally stopped thinking of himself first and put the company as the first priority.

He helped Chris find ways to relate to people on a more visceral scale. For the first time in a long time there was a feeling of collaboration in the offices at Keyfare.

"Thank you for the assist, Drew."

"You'll do great. Knock it out."

Drew left the office feeling better than he had in years.

Later that evening, Drew arrived at Stephanie's door 15 minutes early. There were still parts of him that wondered about how the night with Bryce would go. But the moment he looked at his daughter's face and saw her smile, any lingering doubts about his decision vanished. And even if he never really moved up in the company, the smile beaming back at him let him know the sacrifice was worth it.

In that moment, Drew found clarity. Everything Tom said makes sense. It starts with my thought life. By taking control of my beliefs and thinking differently, I see things clearly. I have to know my goals and align my actions with them. I can let the things that don't matter go—things like personal grievances. It's about winning the client. It's not about me; it's about us. And now I have an honest understanding of my capacity. But in order to leverage my assets, I have to engage the people around me and, most importantly, trust them. PACE was there the whole time. It was the root of every good decision. PACE is a compass to navigate my behaviors, Drew thought.

The night went without a hitch. Drew's time with Lizzie was well spent, and although swooping changes weren't made in their relationship, it was the beginning of something good.

While Drew was at the concert, he received a text from Chris letting him know that Bryce signed. The simple act of putting someone first created a domino effect that benefited everyone.
The Long Run

Drew and Tom headed down the street during their morning jog. Drew was in the best shape of his life, and was almost keeping pace with Tom. But, Tom always seemed to be one step ahead.

Drew dug deep within himself and went for one final burst of energy. He caught up with Tom, but the run winded him and he had to sit down.

Tom handed Drew an energy bar. "I love seeing you with your newly found passion, but you're going to wear yourself out."

Drew devoured the bar and took a large gulp from his water bottle. After a few more deep breaths, he spoke, "I can't let up. I keep thinking one bad step and my old life returns. I know I'm making progress, but the more progress I make, the more I feel the need to keep running. Keep striving."

Tom sat down next to Drew and sighed. "That's not a healthy way to live, Drew. If you let the past scare you, it'll eventually paralyze you."

Drew stood up and paced. "I just don't want to go back there. How do you do it? How do you always seem to be completely at peace?"

"It's not me, Drew. Believe me. I could easily fall back into who I was. It's my relationship with Christ that keeps me centered. It's His grace that gives me peace."

Drew fought the urge to roll his eyes, but he knew deep down that there was truth to what Tom was saying. Tom was the smartest man Drew had ever met, and if this religious thing was phony, Tom would be the first one to spot it.

"It's done that much for you?" Drew asked.

"PACE is great Drew, but it can only do so much. You can do a lot to change yourself, but you can't change your nature."

Drew stood up with a burst of energy as if he came to a new epiphany, "That's it. That's what I'm talking about. I keep feeling the old me waiting to come out, waiting to take over my life again."

"You can't fight that battle on your own, Drew."

"You did."

"I didn't. There's no way on Earth I could have done it. True transformation without God is unrealistic. Our old habits always have a way of returning. And there are always unseen things that could throw us off our progress. PACE reveals who you are, but God ... God changes you here," Tom said as he pointed at his heart.

"How?"

"One step at a time. God isn't a magic genie in a lamp. He doesn't make everything right over night. But if you read His word, commit to live your life the way Jesus said to, you're going to notice that things start to change."

"In what way?"

Tom walked over to a tree on the side of the road. "PACE is like this tree; what you don't see is what's most important."

He bent down and pointed to the dirt. "Underneath this tall, majestic tree are very strong roots. This tree won't grow without roots. PACE is rooted in godly principles; that's why it works so well."

"But where do I even start?" Drew responded skeptically.

"By inviting Christ into your life. By allowing Him to lead and guide you. Study His word. Everything He said, the way He lived, changes you into who you were meant to be. You do things not for yourself, but for others."

"Like all this work you put into me?"

Tom stood up and readied for the final part of the run. "Yes. I did this out of obedience. Christ sacrificed His life for me, the least I can do is live for others."

"So all of this was just God stuff?"

"Yes." Tom's eyes lit up in a whole new way. "And, Drew, when you take that step and invite God into your life, the things you've learned are going to come alive in a whole new way."

Drew took a deep breath and looked at the horizon in the distance. The road ahead of them was long and winding, but Drew felt good about the journey. He could barely contain the smile on his face.

# Epilogue

The Way Forward

Drew stared in disbelief at the carnage that used to be his front fender. Everything had been going so well. He had recently received a promotion at work and felt that he was finally going to be ahead in life. But this, he didn't see coming. To make matters worse, in order to cut some corners in his debt he recently changed his insurance on the car, and the damage wasn't covered.

In the past, moments like this would have sent Drew heading into a nosedive. But now, something was different. Drew, despite the setback, remained in control of his emotions. He knew he was going to have to make some sacrifices over the next couple of months, but if he buckled down and stayed disciplined, he could find a way to make it work.

As the police left the scene, Drew was shocked at how much peace he felt.

Drew had spent the last few months really digging into God's word. He started every morning following a reading plan that he found on his Bible app. The time spent every morning studying the Bible became just as important to Drew as working out after work. Each time he read, he discovered something new, especially in the Psalms.

The people in the Bible seemed to have it just as bad as me. Drew would often think to himself. But Drew was amazed that no matter what they were going through, most of them always had a peace about them, the peace he once so desperately craved.

The change didn't happen over night, but just like Tom said, the change was deeper and more meaningful. Drew's whole worldview changed, and his relationship with God kept renewing him in ways he never even imagined.

While Drew always thought that a changed life would be something external, he found that the biggest change God made was on the inside. Hardships and setbacks still came, but Drew felt prepared for them. He had a new awareness and confidence that allowed him to meet adversity head on. Even failure lost its sting, and Drew knew that trusting God, even in the worst of circumstances, allowed him to live life more freely.

Drew found himself for the first time completely unafraid of the unknown. With his life rooted in love, all of his past fears seemed to lose some of their weight. He even found himself becoming much more open, using his past mistakes as a teaching tool to keep others from making the same mistakes he made.

The most important person he shared this with was with Lizzie. Drew became the father to her that he had never known himself. He led his family with a balance and consistency that revealed Drew to be the leader he always wanted to be. Drew was there for Lizzie every step of her life. And even when he had to get tough, especially after Lizzie decided to skip school the day of an important test, he made sure that she understood that everything he did for her was grounded in love.

Things had definitely changed for Drew. Even though the significant changes didn't happen until after he turned 40, he found that in that time they were the most rewarding years he ever had. Things wouldn't always work out the way he would like, but he continued to stay focused on what lay ahead.

PACE wasn't the answer to all of his problems, but it proved the catalyst to bring the change that he so desperately needed. As his relationship with God continued to grow, Drew found that even in the setbacks, his life had margin. And that margin brought Drew a great sense of freedom—a freedom to live life the way he was always meant to live it.

# AFTERWORD

There is a great story in the Bible about a man named Naaman.

Naaman had leprosy. At the end of his rope, he asked the prophet Elisha for help. Elisha offered a simple solution. He told Naaman to go wash in the Jordan River seven times. Naaman was furious! He thought the cure was far too simple for something so serious. As he was ranting about the lack of a suitable solution to his problem, a person who was with him asked, "If the prophet had told you to do some great thing, would you not have done it? How much more, then, when he tells you simply to wash and be healed!" When Naaman relented and did what Elisha had suggested, he was completely cured.

We often make the same mistaken assumption Naaman did. We believe that in order for us to get better, we have to do something elaborate or complicated. But what if the opposite were true? What if getting better doesn't have to be either elaborate or complicated? Self-awareness, coupled with some simple tools and a few people we trust, can make a huge difference in how effectively we live our lives. The PACE process incorporates these key factors in a simple framework that is straightforward and useable by almost anyone.

PACE stands for Perspective, Alignment, Capacity, and Engagement. It's a way to get insight that leads to action. It's based on the idea that our internal dialogues—the conversations we have with ourselves—shape our everyday actions. We want to make those conversations as productive as possible so we can grow in the right direction instead of being held back by a misguided self-image.

PACE helps us:

Get perspective.

_Perspective_ is the connection between what we believe to be true and what really is true. It is the beginning of all growth and development. Gaining perspective through feedback can help ensure that our self-perception is consistent with how others view us. Hearing others' perceptions of us can be hard, uncomfortable, painful, insightful, helpful, and transforming all at the same time. But it is worthwhile to press through any potential discomfort to gain this perspective. It is impossible to fix something we don't know needs fixing, and it is impossible to use tools we don't know we have.

Align our actions with our goals.

_Alignment_ occurs when our actions are in line with our goals. To determine if we are in alignment, we need to know two things: where we are, and where we want to be.

It is important to ask ourselves over and over again, "Is what I'm doing right now going to help me end up where I want or need to go?" If we are consistently able to answer that question with a yes, we will become more effective over time.

Grow our capacity.

_Capacity_ consists of our unique combination of talent, knowledge, experience, and abilities. There are five types of capacity: relational, intellectual, physical, creative, and leadership. Capacity is not finite. We can grow our capacity to meet the challenges we face by developing our skills and abilities. Our goal is to become aware of our capacities and maximize them throughout our everyday experiences.

Stay engaged during the everyday.

_Engagement_ means we're connected with the right people and situations in our life, and we're committed to personal growth and development. Success rarely hinges on one or two huge moments or events. More often than not, success is about consistently doing the right things over time. Through strong engagement, we pay attention to the key people, relationships, and situations that matter most.

Our hope is that you will visit the PACE website (www.trypace.com) and begin to put these concepts into practice. The PACE tool will walk you through the process, and in a short time, you will be on your way to a better, more effective version of you. Remember, you don't have to be sick to get better. Leave things better than you found them.

The Life.Church Team

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Thank you for reading this ebook. If you want to learn more about discovering the keys to your own growth and development, visit www.trypace.com.

For more about Life.Church and our ministries, visit www.life.church.

