(Whoopsh!) Top of the mornin' to ya laddies! My name is Jacksepticeye and welcome back to
*murmur* number of games in one video.
the series where I have no idea how many games I'm actually gonna end up playing so I just downloaded a bunch and we play
A bunch of them and see what happens.
(what's the theme for today)
What do you mean, what's the theme for today?
(There has to a theme.)
There doesn't always have to be a theme every time I do one of these videos.
Okay, it could be anything. It could just be   
 random ass games. That's the theme
The theme is go fuck yourself go home!
There's no one there. I'm talking to nobody. It's comedy everybody!  Show business! Where's the first game?
...is it here?  Aw, it's down there, Ok.  Bring it in! (Jack pulls up random sheet of paper)
This game is called "Crunchy Lunch." Now, I had a crunchy lunch earlier because I had a bit of salad.(or did you?)
I didn't. I lied. I'm uh(tsk tsk)
I had bad food. My crunchy lunch was Pringles. *Laughs*
So technically still a crunchy lunch
But if anyone asks, it was a very nice salad and it's very healthy for me and my mom's very happy. (so are we)
Ok, so I actually don't know what this game is. I just loved the style of it. So..
Oh!  I actually have to click. OK.
"Started a new job today."
"Exhausted. Barely able to write."
"Job good..." *Laughs* " I think..."
"One problem:
Office quiet, too quiet, and the lunch I brought is loud."
"V loud V crunch."
"Not sure what do."
Is this Kevin from The Office writing this?
(nope)
[Imitating voice] "Got a PB&J sandwich. Good lunch. Not loud."
"But problem."
"Not enough food. Needed more."
"So brought snack too: baby carrots, pretzel sticks, weird Trader Joe's salty Peruvian corn..."
Those are all very loud.
Oh shit, I actually get to pick one. Oh nevermind, pretzel sticks.
"Pretzels boring but dependable. Could eat a million of them."
"But problem: I take first bite of snack and my vision goes blurry."
I actually thought that my vision had gone blurry.
Fucking hell, that scared me. CRUNCH!
"Small office. Quiet office. Loud lunch." Got big crunch.
"What will boss think? New guy loud chewer, sloppy chewer?"
"Bad at chewing, bad at job, fired!"
Yeah, that's how it goes.
You know fear leads to anger, anger leads to hate, hate leads to snack, snack leads to crunch, and then you're fired.
"Don't think boss would actually fire, seems too nice. But problem:
"No clue how to say nice boss's name. Know, it's spelled Marianne."
Well, I just told you how to say it. "Looks easy, huh? Wrong."
"Everyone in office say name different."
[noises]
What?
[mocking noises] Mary Anne.
Marian.
Marianne.
Okay, a drowning person is talking. I would say Marianne.
God it's the chorus of a thousand. Okay. That's how you pronounce it
*Jack listens to the sound of demons*
That's what I hear in my nightmares Mary Anne no, I'd say Marian. Oh
I'd actually say yeah Marian Marianne Marian, I'd say Marian when in doubt middle it out
Marian too nice correct anyone haven't seen Marian's boss yet today.
I keep going to say Marianne and now I regret my decision.
Who is also my boss. My double boss really, my big boss?
Important man. Busy man. The crispest pants
You notice the weirdest things
oh god what if first thing he hears is CRUNCH
He'll say Marian who slop-slobbed crunching and office
crunchy slob equals bad worker bad worker equals fired
grab your pretzels and go
No, double boss probably too busy to notice
Dignified man reminds me of grandpa
Grandpa was kind man.  Stern, but kind.  Not much of talker.  Creepy taxidermy, but kind man
Picky eater, whiskey drinker, but kind man. Pretty tolerant man considering.
Although had thing against Chinese.  Didn't like their food/communism.
*Jack laughs*
Grandpa nice man Stern, but kind creepy taxidermy but man. Very racist xenophobic but kind man
*more Jack laughs*
Might have voted Hillary of given chance. 
 But problem!
Grandpa had fatal pulmonary embolism due to factor 5 Leiden
Mutations. *Jack* Jesus Christ *Reading* not sure what those words mean, but God hope disease not hereditary
but problem
What if I fatally pulmonary embolize right now?
Me equals dead before even finish lunch Oh God
mental piction-picture of Marian at my funeral
Making small talk with my parents your son
Nice young man, but problem didn't know super well, but great resume actually funny story
Your son's death day. He died. He was eating lunch and he CRUNCHED
He crunched it so loud like jackhammer everyone laughs
Now that's how I'm remembered
flash-forward ten years dad's at diner in Midwest
truckers everywhere trucker behind him chomps some potato chips
suddenly dad starts crying
What the fuck am I playing!
(crunchy lunch?)
Everyone real worried he says "sorry sorry"
"It's just you remind me of my son the way you crunch" more tears
Hoo boy, I need to make decision to eat or not to eat
Nobler to eat food like crunchy slob or to stop and suffer hunger pangs
You know what I'm gonna stick with it, I'm gonna stick by the fact that I'm a good worker nice person. No problem
to eat!
CRUNCH!
Problem! Food still super loud everyone in office hear me! Probably in building everyone in building hear me!
Jeff in mail room like "Hey who's crunching?"
Child in Japan like "Is that Godzilla?!"
(laugh)
Child's mother like "No, just super loud lunch in USA"
Crunch! Am I eating the paper I'm writing on? No problem me equals strong
Me equals unembarrassed. Me equals marathon runner, but for eating
me equals Ironman. KARUNCH!!
Marian looking at me now. Her face says "Wow. What a crunch!"
What a man. What a man what a mighty good man. "but you know what? it okay to crunch"
"We both humans here. Humans crunch"
"We slobber and sweat and fart too"
Suddenly me think Marian wife material
"Do you know how many moms poop during childbirth?"
"Google it, surprisingly common. Me? I took massive dump when birthing daughter"
Suddenly Marian become irresistible to me. worth it. daughter equal angel
"Point is no need to be embarrassed by crunch because you probably rode into world on a mudslide." Ew!
I look back and my face says "thanks Marian" "(Marian, Marry Anne?)"
"Needed to hear that. Not so much poop part. Could've have lived without poop part"
"But rest is good advice. And I thank you." And so I make it through first day. Maybe tomorrow bring softer snack
applesauce
gummy bear
Tough lunch but I survived now just got to do same thing every day from now until retirement...
and/or death by embolism
END
That was fucking fantastic, I love that.
Oh Jesus. A game by Yoss.
Oh so good. I love that. All I could hear was Kevin from the office saying all of those words in my head. Oh that was so good.
Maybe die by embolism right now. Maybe pulmonary embolism right now or pulmonary embolize.
Oh what a fucking great game. Anyway, that does it! Chief! Bring on the next one
Waaaaaaa
Holy crap, look at all those colors
Jesus what?... This is a game called bread
(Bread?)
And I make the cutest squeakiest little feety noises, this is so cool
Hi, can I pet you or do anything?
Nope I make a whip and a squish sound when I jump. Look at my sick shoes
This is me age 12, I was born without a face. Okay. I don't want to watch TV
Can I go outside what the hell do I do? Yes do!
Okay, that's that's your motivation for today. That's your PMA for today. Just go out there and yes do
Jacksepticeye. Johnny, that's him
Left click to interact. Ok that his family. drawd by me
Maybe the... maybe the theme for this episode is bad grammar.
Oh God. This friend. He outside. He very creepy
Ok, oh I have to make toast but I need my bread
No toast, go store, love mommy
Ok, how do I go store? Can I go out?
Hey, I can go out. Hiiiii!
Abomination friends. (EPISODE 2!!!)
Oh my god what is this. Look at the happy smiley mountains
Everything has a face and it's terrifying and everything's 2D and I can't see my friends anymore if they turn sideways
Can I talk to any of you? Oh my god, I can run (squeaksqueaksqueak)
It's like being a kid again, I can't go in there alright
This is a horrifying nightmare, and I love it
Now that's dangerous if that car is coming at you, you can't see that
Store with bread thank God. That's just what I need. You think the only sell bread
Ok, hi, it's me a friend. Hi friend-o, what are you buying?
You're buying Arlo the rabbit and a Skolly spoon
We got some clappsters and some deluxe
skolly spoon
included
You wanna buy some ducks
(yep)
the fuck is this game
We have some beans
but its spelled b-e-e-n-s not to be confused with b-e-A-n-s which are pronounced bonds
(They make you fart)
Cuz Sean bon it makes sense. Ok
Sonic hat I really want the sonic hat. I in fact, I'm pretty sure that I need the sonic hat and a pencil
He's buying some soap for
(that looks like soup for 60 seconds and 60 parcecs )
His group. Okay, that's you want to buy a sleeping child? Who's sassy lost child is this
Life secrets. Oh, I need them. Actually. No, I don't wanna know a life secrets
I'd rather find out on my own Oh a sneaky thief-y
Can't see him. He's invisible Shh
Okay, I can't sprint in here
Which is kind of annoying
Alright, let's get some broad
After I talk to my friends, look at the tiny child
Good friend studios arlo the rabbit cool
Is this not bread?
Honestly, I don't know what bread would even look like in this world. There's of course the bread is just
*Gasp* They're sold out of bread!
Guess the store's out of bread. I heard a rumor that in the depths of heck lies the last loaf of bread
I'm on my way to get it back. To get it so back off. Oh
God. oh we're actually in heck you can't say hell it's a bad
It's a bad word. My mom's gonna fucking kill me. I mean my mom's gonna heckin' kill me
(Hell is bad word and Fuck is not SUUUURE)
What's up, Skelly boys. Can I have the bread back. welcome to heck free bread. I don't trust this. I don't trust a big Satan demon man
What
Did I just get the bread? Even the fucking clouds and the Sun have faces on them
Jesus Christ. I love my little squeaky feet. That's exactly how I want to walk around town. Just annoy the shit out of everybody
It's like Robins animation where the little speedy feet like
So cute okay back home. I want to make my heck toast Oh
Oh look at me I got my bread this is my brain trying to make some bacon toast y'all
Fuck happened
Wait writers writers of wot
Writers off store with bread Oh Mike, I
Just know that the end yeah
Well, we did all we had to do we rised we rose we grind it
We rice and grain k-mers and we went out there we got that bread. That's what the analogy is
You have to go out there and get your bread go out there make that bread make that cheddar, but for now it's gone
It's over
(minesweeper)
Game and can't pay you anymore. All right, it's over we finished you. Yeah. All right the next one
Fucking hell. Okay. This is a game called drunk or dr
UNK which sends for drunk and reckless unforgiving neighborhood kilometer
Okay, and we get to play as a man who looks like he has a penis on his face
But I'm not one to judge. It looks like Jason Statham got
rolled over by a car
Okay movement is W and a s and D. Oh my god
Okay, I get to home. I love that place I go there every day
(i bet you can't)
Okay, oh Jesus Christ
Try not to walk into obstacles you have tried once
okay, so
Take your time. Take your time. This is fine. This is just a Friday night. All right, I'm Irish
I should know how to walk home drunk by now easy fucking does it there buddy boy?
No
Dude it's the middle of the day. Have you really been drinking Oh God
Oh god, oh god. Oh god. Oh go go go. Go go go go go go. Okay fucking bin
Garbage day you have trying to times. Okay, focus send a speedrun same
Same speed run I got this
Chicken tikka masala, I would
Okay. Okay, go go go go go. Okay. No, stop. Stop. Stop it soup piggy. Okay. Yes. He stopped
It's telling you to stop. All right, take it easy there an hour buckle
No gods. It's a fucking bridge. Why do I live here?
I
Ain't a fucking great time out with the bites I
feel
fantastic
Alright drinks up fuckers. Look at my package. I'm gonna straight-up bowls going on
So it happens when they drink?
No stuff sup. Okay. Here's a bit of fucking forward momentum going on
Okay, okay. Oh come on
Are these not checkpoints?
(NOPE)
They fucking should be oh god. Oh god
I'm gonna puke all over my shoes. Can we tonight?
So I'm guessing that they're not checkpoints okay fine whatever I can do this
It's I have betrayed in my whole life for this just cause I had 17 points
This I mean, I'm not a real boy. Oh fuck
Oh
God, watch your step. I'm in up. I mean a hole I'm gonna paint calling police. I need to get home
They're showing a marathon and mr. Bean on TV, and I really want to watch it
Okay, okay, okay, are you burping and vomiting and or is that is that shit coming out of your mouth
Okay, okay, it's fine it's fine fuck the bins
Okay, just take it easy, that's all you have to do really it's all about just taking your time
Okay, okay easy does it there Jimbo okay
Okay, I fucking I feel drunk playing this. Yeah
Don't fall off the edge of the world
Okay, you just take your big old fucking tablet looking ahead
And take it home. Oh, come on
It's all naked man on a segways
Is that the only one can that please be the only one I'm gonna go this way I'm gonna go this way
I'm gonna go this way no fuck
Okay, okay, we're almost home we have to be almost home by now this has to be it
Go that fucking slow ass, sir. Oh Jesus. Oh Jesus
It's fine. It's fine. I got this Oh God the final steps to my house you
Fucking whore of babylon. Oh
Come on
Play video games for your living. It'll be fun. They say you really enjoy it
They said you know what they were dead, right? This is fucking awesome
You guys don't see how far I can puke you I see if I can hit that kid down there
Okay, be careful a fucking Segway Steve coming down here
Here. He looks like the fucking he looks like a thinner version of the old man from up
(Nice Up stereotype, Jack.)
Okay, come on plastic head... oh you are so lucky that that didn't *fuck* us up
All right
Easy-peasy. I'm getting a feel for it. I know how these legs work now
Plan your legs don't work. Like they used to before and Sheeran was fuckin, right?
Okay, wait for Segway dick. Oh
That could have fucked me up royally
All right, here we go. All right last hurdles. Are these the last hurdles? I actually don't know. Oh
Wait, I have to go over there you fucking serious. Why are these not checkpoints?
What's the point of even having to stop sites?
Oh
No, no, no, no no iron what shocking phosphor I had a great time
I know where my home is, but
Right now I'm loved I'll have to go imma have to get this game out of here. Okay Oh
God Oh Oh new game Oh
Okay, that's how you wake up in the mornings. Okay. This one is called quit the game to win
so, I don't know if I actually should just sit here and
This is like the entire game if I actually just sit here and look at it, but I'm a bit of a rebel. Oh
The wouldn't this beard oops
Escape and alt f4 won't work either. Oh shit
Sure, there's the task manager, but that's cheating
That way you will kill the process not quit the game
What about that X button at the top-right corner? Oh
Why these games is it nope, but there must be a way to touch it I think it just needs a friendly approach be gentle
Come on maybe her press X
I'm trying to be gentle it's not working. Okay, let's try it with some relaxing music
Ah
Nice
It's still not working, I don't think it's working I don't either Jane the fuckin Christ
Fuck yeah enough of this lullaby bullshit. Let's try something else. Ah,
Man I think we scared it up. I was having a fucking great time with that one
Here take this and Shirley looks better
Wait, where did it go? I don't know. I guess it's hiding somewhere. Can I just click not have to click this?
Maybe it's a shy walk. Try calling it by its name. I'm not an object
Alright, try calling him by his name. I'm ashy Thanks fine. Would you please try calling her by her name?
X
What
Come out please oh
There you are you shinin booger I actually had to press X on my keyboard to make you come out
We got it. I mean her now click on it, uh her
Did we just win? Oh crap, I guess we didn't
Know here we go again. Oh god, this is like
Like Stanley parable or dude. Stop Kenny game. We were so close. Wait, I have an idea
When the lights run off, I think I saw something like a switch behind the title the circuit breaker not the console
Anyway, try moving the tile down on this text box
Wait, what oh
Wait, I can't I can't I can't do it I'm picking you but it's not working
(but it in the text box as it/he/she said)
 
wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait
What am I supposed to be doing can you like piss off over here? Oh
I had to put it in that text box got it my bad. So that was the main power switch
What's that dangly thing I know but I want to click it
There's a blinking light now look another one
Kill the process. Wait, don't touch that button. Ah, this is like don't press the button as well. I just realized something important
Killing. The process IS quitting the game now, that means I'll cease to exist
How could you push that button? How could you kill the process after all the time we spent together?
After all the challenges we faced
How could you kill me?
Okay, fine, I want interfere with your choices
 
You know
As a real epic gamer. I really want to press the button to win, but I
Just can't bring myself to do it I
Can't bring myself to hit that button
Come back "Textie" come back. We can be together
We can go to France we can live out our lives
"Textie" please. Baby, Come back!
There must be another way
This is so sad    Alexa... you're not in this room I
Think I'm gonna have to do it. I think I'm gonna have to quit the game. I
Really want to sit here and wait, but Oh
Music just repeats
"Did you really think it was that simple
Nobody's gonna kill me. You're not gonna win this game. I will win this game. how?? I
I WILL QUIT THE GAME!!" wait, so it ends when the game quits itself, that's weird
 
Holy shit, okay. I wonder if I go back into it. Will it say something else? Um, hello
 
No, it's still the same thing
Okay. Well, how about if I just go to the task manager myself now this time and
Delete everything and end the process. I
I Win this time game, go fuck yourself. Okay. Well, I guess that does it for this video? Um,
There's no real way to end this other than like
You have you have to quit this video you have to do it. Otherwise, I'm just going to be here
 
You have to be the one to go. You have to be the one to leave. I
I Can't end it for you. You're going to have to do it. You're gonna have to take the power into your own hands
You're gonna have to click that X at the top right? You're gonna have to pause the video
You're gonna have to end it yourself. Don't mind about the rest of the timeline bar. That's after this
Don't even hover over it. Don't even look to see how much of the video is left. You're gonna have to quit it
Can you give up YouTube? Can you stop or?
 
Do you have to watch?
Everyday, do you have to be here? Do you have to watch the videos every single time right at the end?
Do you have a problem?
(Anti starts coming) Do you have a problem with YouTube? Are you watching too much? Are you getting that watch time?
You're gonna have to do it
you're gonna have to leave you're gonna have to take matters into your own hands for the first time in your life and
You're gonna have to do it
otherwise
I'm just gonna be here
I'm just gonna be here all the time staring
watching
waiting
You haven't met me in real life
How do you know I even exist or if I'm not just existing here on YouTube on the platform?
Forever. How do you know I'm a real person?
You don't.
The only thing you know is how to quit the video right now
(Anti engages into a staring contest)
Anti: Still here, I see very good
Anti: You can't do it. Can you you can't just end the video?
You have to stay you have to watch you have to know what happens
Just in case
Something's hiding something's lurking just in case you missed something
 
You have to be in the know you have to know what's going on, don't you?
You can't just let it go. (NOPE) You can't just move on. Otherwise, it'll always be in there
Scratching *tap tap tap* at your brain
What happened when I clicked off the video was there more how many of you exited the video and came back?
 
Just to see what was happening
Because you can't do it you can't be left out you can't just move on from things
You have to know what happens. You have to be here to watch it all
*Anti stares into your soul*
That's a lot of staring Mister.
 
 
You pass the test now, (WHAT TEST?!) let's move on to the next pha
(Thanks for Watching! ) Bye also, WTF JUST HAPPENED?!
