You've been over, visited me.
- Yes.
- I know your kids...
Is this being passed on to...
- Yes, Yes.
- ..your children?
Our two year old right now,
I'll say, "How old are you?"
And she goes, "I'm four and a half."
Which is,
her older sister's four and a half.
And I go, "No, you're not.
"You're not four and a half,"
and then she grabs my face and goes,
"FOUR AND A HALF."
[Laughter]
That was also kind of
a Schwarzenegger a little bit.
[Schwarzenegger voice]
"I'm four and a half, father."
[Laughter]
"We gotta get out of here!"
[Laughter]
"Get out of there,
there's a bomb in there! Get out!"
[Laughter]
"Dad, come on, get out!
"We got to go!"
"I need a pull-up on, now!
"We're going to watch Peppa Pig, now!
I love Schwarzenegger as a baby,
so much fun.
"I wanna watch Doc McStuffins."
[Laughter]
"And then I need my yoghurt. Come on!"
"I threw up, I need Pedialyte!"
[Laughter]
[Applause]
That's great.
I can only think of him that way now.
[Normal voice] He's little, this baby
with his head, just running around.
He's gotta have the same head
that he has now
but with a little baby's body
- and a diaper.
- Yeah.
- But a cigar.
- Yeah, a cigar going...
[Schwarzenegger voice]
"Get in here, come on.
"Change this."
[Laughter]
"We got to go."
[Conan does Schwarzenegger]
"We got to go."
"We got to go."
"State of California."
[Laughter]
- "California."
- "California."
[Bill laughs]
What kind of...
- [Laughter continues]
- What kind...
I'm just curious, were...were you...
I'm trying to pic...
[Laughter, applause]
Now you can't stop.
[Normal voice] Now I can't stop, sorry!
You gotta do something more
with him as a baby.
I know, no, what am I going to do?
I don't know if it's been done,
but it's just so...
No, I'm saying, like,
you've got to produce this.
You've got to make a cartoon
where he's a baby.
'Cause that's the only way
I want to see him from now on.
You're going to see that billboard
while you're driving down Sunset, like,
"Schwarzenegger Baby".
[Schwarzenegger voice] Come on!
I would watch every second of that,
50 times.
I was a PA
on an Arnold Schwarzenegger movie
called Collateral Damage and, um...
- [Solitary clap]
- Hey!
- All right.
- [Laughter]
One person's like,
"Oh, hey... Hm."
Uh, no, and that was the big line
in that movie, was,
[Schwarzenegger voice] "Open up the door,
there's a bomb in there."
[Laughter]
And the first time I met him...
The first time I met him, I go...
He comes up to me and he had his cigar
in his mouth and he goes,
"Where is Jeff and Peter?"
That's his hair and make-up guys.
Yeah.
And I go, uh, "I don't know,
I'll find them." And he goes...
[Schwarzenegger voice] "Find them.
Show me your leadership capabilities."
[Laughter, applause]
I love...
I love when you hear a story
and you know it's exactly true.
- Yeah!
- Yeah.
[Normal voice] It's like,
"Show me your leadership capabilities."
I was like, "They're right there."
[Laughter]
"There they are."
"They're sitting
in little director chairs over there."
[Bill laughs]
Oh, my God.
Oh, I'd like to do this
for four more hours.
