LSS 821
VICTOR MARX
You know, most people who are victimized as
a young kid will feel an X on them, 'cause
it doesn't stop.
It's typically not an incident.
And for me, the instability of fourteen schools,
seventeen different homes,
all the different stepfathers coming in.
You know, one's a murdered, one was in prison.
I mean, just the
craziness of it, you believe, that becomes
normal as a kid.
Again, you can't process as right.
But for me,
I will say this.
I never wanted to give up, because I just
kept thinking, When I'm older, when I'm older,
I'm gonna have a good life.
Victor Marx survived the upheaval and abuse
he suffered during his youth, growing up to
become
an excellent shooter in the U.S. Marine Corps,
a martial arts master, and a weapons instructor.
Now, he uses his lethal skills to heal troubled
youth.
Victor Marx, next on Long Story Short.
Long Story Short with Leslie Wilcox is Hawaii's
first weekly television program produced and
broadcast in high definition.
Aloha mai kakou.
I'm Leslie Wilcox.
Victor Marx is known for many things, including
his
seventh-degree black belt in Keichu-do karate
and Jiu-jitsu, fourth-degree black belt in
weapons,
and a record time in fastest gun disarm.
A resident of California, and the founder
and president of
All Things Possible Ministries, the Louisiana-born
Marx once operated a martial arts business
in
Honolulu at the Ward Warehouse.
At the time of our conversation in 2015, Marx
travels around
the world, offering hope to young people who
are suffering from abuse.
Before he was able to
become an inspiration to others, though, he
had to first recover from the severe trauma
of his own
childhood.
In a way, it started even before he was born,
in Lafayette, Louisiana.
I was born in the 60s, and I had three siblings
already.
My mother, who was young, she had her first
child at sixteen.
Their marriage didn't make it, and they were
divorced when I was born.
My father
actually became a drug dealer and a pimp.
And the night that I was conceived, he actually
put a gun to
her head.
Didn't claim me when she was pregnant.
He actually told her, That ain't mine.
Didn't call me
a kid; he said, That ain't mine.
Because she had gotten into other relationships
already.
And the next
man she married we call Mr. K in the book.
You know, this wasn't like some drug dealer
on a street
corner.
This was an educated man who had served in
the military, who had been in counterintelligence.
So, he seemed like a respectable man.
Correct.
And at the time, he actually even owned a
bookstore, a college bookstore.
Hemmingway was
one of his favorite reads.
And you know, my mother-I think she was twenty-two
at the time, four
children.
You know, she's thinking, Ah, okay.
But something intuitively knew he was kinda
messed up.
He was horrifying.
He would torture you.
Yes.
Yeah.
Yeah; you know, there was perversion, but
there was also intentional, what the experts
would say, torture.
You know, being electrocuted, being dunked
in a tub until I would pass out.
I
remember waking up on the cold bathroom floor
to him breathing into my mouth.
And I'm sputtering.
And he just said, Boy, don't ever forget I'm
the one that gives you life.
And those are what I call lies
based on reality.
And until you really come to exchange those
out for what the truth is, a person will
remain really hamstrung by what's happened
in his childhood, 'cause that's implanted
into you, becomes
part of your fabric.
'Cause as kid, all you can process is ... I
wasn't breathing, I am now, he was the one
dunking me in the tub, holding me in.
I guess he does give me life.
Actually, I thought he was my
biological dad.
I wasn't told, you know.
But I want to share this publicly.
He wanted to seal to what he
had done to me.
And the way of protecting themselves, abusers
will always use fear.
Fear of death, or
whatnot.
And he actually had brought me to a house
one night out in the country, early morning.
It was a
little wooden house, and there was single
light in it.
There was another guy, and there was a hole
in the
floor.
It was wooden floor.
And then a hole had been dug.
And I thought at that point, This is when
I'm
gonna die.
And you know, fear is a different thing.
When you've experienced terror for a while,
your
mind associates.
There's no fight left in you.
You just yield.
And for him, he was having a conversation
with man.
And I remember hearing the guy say, I don't
want to do this anymore.
And my stepfather was
a very good communicator.
He made him relax.
He said, Oh, I understand.
When the guy relaxed, he hit
him.
He cracked him and knocked him unconscious.
And he was a fighter.
But when he drops, he
handcuffs him and he drags him up to this
hole, pulls him up on his knees, handcuffed.
And he pulls out
a pistol, his pistol.
He said, Come here, boy.
And then, he put the gun in my hand said,
You're gonna
shoot this man.
And he raised my hand.
And the guy is semi-conscious, and he sees
what's going on.
Because I think he thought this was what was
gonna happen to me, and now it's happening
to him.
And
you know, I have the pistol to the back of
his head, and I remember trying to pull the
trigger, and I
couldn't.
And I don't know if it was the pounds per
square inch.
You know, I was seven.
But I'm
squeezing, and I can't pull it.
And I feel his hand come over and grab my
wrist, and then his right hand
comes around and he slips his finger over
mine, and he presses until the revolver goes
off.
When it fired,
it hit the guy in the back of his head, and
it killed him.
And then, you know, he pushed his body into
the
hole.
And then he told me, Boy, you know, this is
your first kill.
Wow.
And he buried him, and he took that pistol
and wrapped it in a handkerchief.
And he said, If you ever tell
anyone what I've done to you, it doesn't matter
how old you get, he said, I'll tell the police
that you killed
this man, and I have the pistol with your
fingerprint on it.
And he said, They'll electrocute you.
And I
knew what electrocution was, 'cause he'd done
it a few times.
And so, it sealed and instilled in me a fear
where I never talked about that 'til I was
an adult.
What a horrible thing.
And your mother didn't know this, any of this
stuff was happening?
She did not know.
Victor Marx acknowledges he can't substantiate
this account.
He said he as a kid did not know the
location, the body was never found, and the
crime was not reported.
Marx's mother finally escaped
from her marriage to Mr. K, but she continued
to marry men who were abusive to her children.
By
the time he finished high school, Victor Marx
had already been in trouble with the law.
Rather
than go to jail, he made a decision that took
his life in an entirely new direction.
You didn't join the Marines 'cause you wanted
to.
Well, yeah; it was ... again, at that point
in my life, I'd just graduated high school.
Hallelujah.
But I was
spiraling, using drugs, fighting, and stealing.
And again, for me, stealing was my way to
say, This world
owes me, and they're gonna start paying me
back.
And every opportunity that I could take advantage,
I
would.
But I got caught, and I was looking at being
sentenced because of my stealing and getting
in
trouble.
So, my best option at that point was to join
the United States Marine Corps.
And I did, and
that's what really kept me from going to jail,
'cause they would have prosecuted me.
And the Corps was
a very good thing for me, 'cause, one, it
was structured, disciplined, and it showed
me that life isn't about
being fair.
So just, you know, suck it up, buttercup,
and time to do the deal.
And it worked for me
tremendously.
And I really like the Marine Corps.
Never loved it, but I liked it.
So much, I put ink on
my shoulder.
And you know what?
They were able to teach me skillsets I didn't
have before, which gave
me a level of confidence, including starting
to train in the martial arts, shooting.
You know, I hunted as a
little kid, but when they taught me how to
put ten rounds into a target of a man from
five hundred and
forty-six yards without a scope-
Wow.
--that gave me a skillset that, you know,
felt good.
And again, there was there, 'cause you know,
I'm
training, martial arts, karate, jujitsu, kempo,
judo, anything I could, boxing.
'Cause I said, If I can't beat a
man this way, I'll beat him this way, 'cause
I never want to get hurt again.
So, that was kinda my driver.
And you did well.
But you didn't want to stay in; you left after,
what, three years?
Yeah; I did one term of enlistment.
And I had actually got in trouble while I
was in, which I was facing,
you know, brig time.
Again, there was a pattern.
'Cause you can only do things for so long,
but your
character and your baby's gonna tell on you.
And I was in trouble, was facing some stuff.
And actually,
this was when my biological dad came back
into my life, which is really the redemptive
aspect of this
whole deal.
You know, really, an absentee father all my
life.
At that point, I'm twenty.
But really
engaged me, apologized for not being a father.
Which blew me away.
He wanted to call me son in a
letter, which made me mad, 'cause I thought,
You don't have a right to call me son.
But he told me had a
spiritual encounter that really changed his
life, and it's not about perfection, but the
direction of his life
had changed.
So much so that he said, Why don't you come
visit me?
And the Marine Corps actually let
me go visit him, 'cause they knew the circumstances,
you know, I'd never known him.
And they just
said, You come back to face your court martial.
I said, Okay.
I said, I'll be back.
And I went, and it was
interesting getting to really spend time with
him in depth.
This was the pimp.
This was the guy who held a gun to your mother's
head.
Yeah; yeah.
The guy who wouldn't claim you.
Yeah; by all means, he was a loser.
He was a loser as a father, and had justified
his own absentee.
And
so here he is; his life, I can tell is different.
And okay, not perfect, but different.
He cared about me, and
I knew he wanted to make a new start.
So, I gave him an opportunity, and it was
really through seeing his
faith of a life change that, you know, really
impacted me so much that I had a life change
through faith.
And you know, I told him; I said, Well, I'm
going back to face court martial.
What should I do?
And I
had developed an elaborate lie-it was a pretty
good lie, to try to get me out of it.
Which it wouldn't
have, but your mind thinks it will.
I'll never forget; he looked at me and he
said, Son ... learn from me.
Just tell the truth.
'Cause a lie, you gotta keep it going.
And I was like, Okay.
I went back, and I actually
told them the truth.
You know, I didn't fight it; I said, I'm guilty.
You know, I told them; I said, I was
gonna lie.
You know, I said, but here's the truth.
I did this, this, and I deserve my punishment.
And they
were actually so taken back, because my nickname,
my handle on the Marine Corps was Thumper.
'Cause you were a hothead?
I was a hothead.
I tell people it was because I like the little
Bambi bunny.
You know, in the movie, the little bunny,
Thumper.
But it's because I liked to thump people back
then.
And so, they were all shocked, and I'll never
forget the commanding officer who presided
over it, he said,
Well, this is a shock.
And he goes, You are gonna pay the price for
the crime, you're breaking the code
of military justice.
He said, But I'm gonna suspend the sentence;
you won't have to do brig time, but I'm
keeping you to your barracks.
Which was unbelievable.
And it really was the first time in my life,
first
time, that I thought, Telling the truth is
a better way to go.
And was your dad for real?
Had he really had a conversion?
He did.
He changed?
He did.
Which, it stuck all the years until his passing.
You know, twenty-something years.
And again,
I'm grateful that coming to faith or you know,
finding a higher power, it's not about perfection.
But the
direction of your life changes.
And you know what?
It not only worked for him, it worked for
me.
Victor Marx's acceptance of his father didn't
turn his life around immediately.
He would still have
to come to terms with the trauma of his childhood
before he could start to put it behind him.
And
his newfound faith would play an important
role in his healing.
I can see you saying, Why did God allow all
that to happen to me?
Why couldn't He have kept me
from some of it and distribute it equally?
Right.
You know what?
That is such a great question, and one that
anybody who's suffered, it's an
honest question.
Right.
It's the old, Why me?, question.
Yeah.
A variation of.
Right.
And for me, it came in a dramatic form where,
you know ... because you know, I'd been to
church
as kid, and those things.
You know, Jesus loves all the little children
of the world.
And I'm like, Yeah.
No, I believed that, 'cause He's good, so
He loves all the kids, just not me.
That's how you start to
process it as a kid, because bad things happen.
And I'll never forget when it changed for
me.
And it was
actually a counseling appointment, as a result
of it.
This old country boy counselor, boot-wearing
Texas
guy.
And he was just like, Hey.
But he had all kinda degrees on his wall,
so he knew what he was doing.
He just said, Well, you know, where was God
in all this?
If He's so loving, and He can stop evil, why
did
He allow it to happen to you?
He said, Why don't you ask Him?
And I remember telling him, You need
to shut up.
That you need to just stand down; that's not
a question I need to ask God.
And he's like, Why
not?
Because ... and this is real, and it's deep,
but people who've been ... people who over
a lifetime or a
number of years have experienced disappointment
and failure again, and again, and again, and
you assign
it to God, you know, Why don't you give me
a better break, why don't you give me better
parents, I
mean, I'm stuck in hell, or whatever it is
... to ask God that question, for me, I'd
rather have a false hope
than not have ... the right answer, and have
my hope dashed forever.
And people in their heart know if
they're living off of false hope.
Well, He's-oh, and it's okay.
But the reality is in your heart; you're
just too scared.
Well, I can also see you having a really difficult
time with this, because if God is your Heavenly
Father ... you know, the fatherhood record
was really bad on this Earth.
Exactly.
And it is hard not to assign that.
I remember when someone first told me, Oh,
God is your
Heavenly Father.
It was so offensive to me.
I thought ... uh, negative.
You're kidding me?
But in my
mind, I thought, Well, He must be some sadistic,
crazy, unloving God.
Maybe somebody else.
You
know, I'm the stepchild.
You know, I'm getting the leftovers.
But what changed my life and the lie that
I
believed is, I finally asked God that question.
What were the circumstances of asking Him?
I was in a counseling appointment, and I just
said, God, where were you?
You know, Jesus, if you're so
loving and you love the kids, what about me?
Why did you allow it to happen to me?
I'll never forget, I
remember my eyes were closed, and I saw the
room, a room where a lot of abuse had happened.
And I
saw it so clearly, and I saw my stepfather,
had a beer in his hand, he had a belt wrapped
around his hand.
He was getting ready to, you know, beat me
with it.
He had me lay down on the bed in my underwear;
he
would just-you know.
And I saw everything so clearly.
And then, I saw what I knew to be an image
of
Christ, a spiritual being appearing.
And I thought, Okay, great; now turn and touch
my stepfather's heart
and blow it out, kill him right now.
That's what I wanted, remembering this.
But it would have been the
truth.
It would have been my own fantasy.
The reality of what really happened to me
was, right before
he got ready to hit me, my stepfather is rearing
back, I'm grabbing the sheets.
'Cause the way he would
hit you, he would hit you, bam [SLAP], and
then he would wait.
He'd wait 'til all your little muscles
relaxed from being tense in anticipation,
you relax, and boom [SLAP], he'd hit you again.
And he'd do it
slow, until you gave up, 'til there was no
more fight in you.
And right before he hit me, this image of
Christ turned, kneeled, and placed his body
on top of mine and sunk into mine so that
He would take the
greatest part of the beating for me, to allow
me to survive.
And I knew, if that's a God who loves me and
will share my suffering, that's a God I can
trust.
I think God's heart breaks for all the injustices
that
happen, all the evil.
That's not what He wants; it's never what
He's assigning to children.
You know,
it's the choice of evil people making horrible
choices.
Victor Marx turned his skill in martial arts
into a business, and he started teaching karate.
He met
Aileen, another believer, and a nationally
recognized fitness instructor.
She was at the leading edge
of fitness kickboxing.
And soon, they began working together, opening
their own gym after they
were married.
An invitation from a youth pastor in Honolulu
to teach a Christian karate school
brought Marx and his growing family to the
islands.
Despite all the good things happening in his
life, he still could not shake the horrors
of his past.
I like that martial arts, good martial arts,
does have a way to teach a person a code of
honor, and
understand the impact you can make on someone.
So, I've used it for good.
When we had our martial
arts center here underneath, you know, the
Spaghetti Factory at the Ward Warehouse as
one of our
locations, we had so many people come in to
fight me because I'm this Haole from the mainland,
and you
know, what are you doing here?
And, you know, some things got physical, which
changed some people's
minds or hurt some people's feelings, because
they tried to get physical.
But I made more friends.
You
know, I was able to use my words, not necessarily
my fists or chokes, or cracking somebody.
But it gives
you a level of confidence that in a situation.
You know, I'm looking at young guy who's like,
Oh, you're
so good.
I'm thinking, Oh, my gosh.
You sound like you speak Pidgin.
You've got that inflection.
Hey, we were here long enough.
My children were raised here, my first three.
When we went back to the
mainland, I'll never forget; my son's out
playing in the yard.
He comes back, he's playing with kids
there.
He goes, Dad; he said, there's so many White
kids here.
I said, Come here.
I said, You are white.
And he's like, Oh, oh!
So, you know, he got his Pidgin, still
talks Pidgin.
So, I love the islands.
I have a little home here.
We consider this home.
We spent so many
years here, through good and bad times.
How many years here?
We were here '95 to '01.
And you say some of them weren't good years?
No.
I mean, I had challenges emotionally that
people didn't know about.
Ah ...
Right?
It was part of my healing.
You know, in martial arts, in many ways, I've
reached the pinnacle.
At least for myself.
Here in Hawaii, huge student enrollment, you
know, large staff.
I mean, we were
making an impact.
'Cause after we got over the few things, people
realized, Oh, you care about our keiki.
And then, training adults.
Yeah.
And you know, we brought the fitness kickboxing
here; it was just
great.
It was a great time.
But I was having emotional problems hidden,
and I would never tell anybody.
Nobody knew that I was at Queen's in an observation
room, because I had horrible thoughts about
hurting
myself, or other people.
You know.
But I chose in that moment to go, I'm so unstable
at this moment.
You know.
We lived at the top of Tantalus, you know,
and man, I was having bad thoughts about,
Oh, I
have a good insurance policy, and I'm causing
so much pain for my wife, you know, through
my
behavior, and all this.
I'm like, you know, Maybe I should just end
it, let her take the money and go.
And I tell people, when someone wants to commit
suicide, it's not always just a rash deal.
Sometimes it
seems like a logical answer.
I tell folks, it's a permanent solution to
a temporary problem.
Don't give up;
get help.
And I did, particularly that night by driving
down, checking myself into Queen's, and I'm
glad I
did.
So, you're saying that when you accepted God,
accepted Jesus into your life, it wasn't like
it took
away all your pain and problems.
No.
It took away my past sin, because that's what
He promises, to lift the burden; that's what
the
scriptures say.
But it didn't take away the challenges I would
have because of my past.
But the greatest
thing is, He promised me He would redeem it.
And I love redemption.
You know, redemption is when
somebody drinks a soda, throws the can side
of the road, someone else comes by and says,
Eh, this trash
to you, but it's money to me.
And that's what God did for me; He picked
me up.
He said, Other people
consider you trash; I'll redeem your life,
watch what I do.
And again, sometimes the greatest faith is
just
never giving up.
Do you have flashbacks?
Seldom anymore, because of the counseling
and therapy I've gone through.
But I still feel deeply.
And
what I'm glad about now is, my suffering has
been turned.
That purpose; I've learned the purpose.
There
is a purpose in the pain, is to help others
who are still suffering, you give them hope.
And that's what I
feel like I'm called to do.
Through their All Things Possible Ministries,
Victor and Aileen Marx have dedicated themselves
to
advocating for youth who are troubled and
abused.
They help people, including war veterans
who've suffered trauma, and they travel around
the world to facilitate the rescue of children
who've been abducted and trafficked.
Mahalo to Victor Marx, now of Marietta, California,
for
sharing your stories with us.
And mahalo to you, for joining us.
For PBS Hawaii and Long Story
Short, I'm Leslie Wilcox.
A hui hou.
For audio and written transcripts of all episodes
of Long Story Short with Leslie Wilcox, visit
PBSHawaii.org.
To download free podcasts of Long Story Short
with Leslie Wilcox, go to the
Apple iTunes Store, or visit PBSHawaii.org.
My story is one of redemption.
'Cause a lot of people experience abuse and
injustice in their life, but I'm
pretty happy to share.
That's why we do it so much.
And actually, I didn't do it 'til later in
life.
I was in
my late thirties before I started telling
my story.
Is that because you didn't want everyone to
know the gory details?
Yes.
You know, I stayed away from it because, really,
in a lot of ways, I hadn't healed from some
of the
trauma of the past.
So, you use coping mechanisms, whether it's
excelling at a certain thing or staying
away from other things so you don't get triggered,
or never wanting to revisit any of that.
I kinda used all
of 'em in that way to protect myself.
But when I took time and really trusted that
the process of going
through healing and counseling would make
the greater difference in my life, it's turned
out really good,
not only for me, but helping others.
[END]
Victor Marx
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