You wake up one day and groggily rub the sleep
out of your eyes.
After a few moments you're alert enough to
reach for you phone- time to catch up on all
the messages and instagram likes and facebook
posts you missed during your sleep.
Except your phone's not working, you have
no service- and that should be impossible
because you recently ditched T-mobile.
Shrugging, you reach for your laptop and flip
it open, double-clicking on Firefox because
Safari and Chrome are trash browsers.
Oddly, Firefox also refuses to load.
You check your laptop's connectivity and sure
enough, no service again.
Weird, you think to yourself, as you throw
on some pants and check your desktop- which
also has no internet connection.
Now edging to a full-blown First World panic,
you head downstairs to make sure mom paid
the internet bill.
You find her there, in the kitchen, aimlessly
mixing something.
You can't quite tell what it is because she
has her back turned to you, but you think
you hear her slightly... groaning?
Hesitantly you call out to your mother, who's
body suddenly jerks as she turns around slowly,
moving very, very stiffly.
As she turns to face you, you're horrified
to see her dead eyes staring at you, and with
a growl of “brains!” she leaps for you!
You make a run for it, rushing outside and
fleeing for your life, but the neighbors spot
you and take off running after you too!
In seconds you're being chased by a mob of
zombified relatives and neighbors, and they're
almost upon you when you turn the corner and
suddenly hear, “Get down!”.
Instinctively you duck down, and in front
of you a military patrol in humvees opens
up, .50 caliber machine guns chewing the zombies
to pieces.
Overhead you hear the roar of jets as 500
pound bombs are being dropped all over your
former suburban neighborhood.
Welcome to the zombie apocalypse.
The previous scenario has been a staple of
science fiction for decades, and stories of
zombie apocalypses have thrilled and terrified
generations of humanity.
Yet for the United States military, the zombie
apocalypse is no laughing matter, and they
have a plan to stop it dead in its tracks,
pun fully intended- Contingency Plan 8888.
The United States military regularly creates
think tanks who's jobs are to envision future
conflict or disaster scenarios, and then draw
up military and civil responses to address
these threats.
Throughout the years American war planners
have created plans for everything from nuclear
war with the Soviet Union, to an enemy invasion
of the US mainland, to responding to a massive
asteroid or comet strike on the planet earth.
Incredibly, the US military also has several
contingency plans to combat an alien invasion,
and that's no joke.
These plans are highly secretive, as are other
contingency plans, and present military options
to combat a variety of different alien invasion
scenarios- at least as best as our limited
technology allows.
Yet one of these contingency plans is unclassified,
and has been public knowledge for years- that's
Contingency Plan 8888.
Originally ConPlan 8888 was developed as a
teaching tool for American military planners.
It was meant to be a fun exercise that introduced
new war planners to the complexities of developing
realistic response plans to a variety of contingencies.
Because of the threat of war plans being made
public, the instructors behind the original
ConPlan 8888 exercises wanted to use a completely
fictional scenario, rather than using realistic
scenarios with real nations that could be
misconstrued in the public eye as an actual
war plan.
Because the US military actually has realistic
contingency plans to counter an alien invasion,
it was decided that zombies presented the
best option for developing a 'practice' war
plan to allow students to learn the ins and
outs of military planning.
However, just because ConPlan 8888 was developed
as a teaching exercise and not taken very
seriously, does not mean that it isn't a credible
and fully functional plan, and if zombies
ever did kick off an apocalypse, ConPlan 8888
would be there to save the US from extinction.
So what does ConPlan 8888 involve?
First, the plan addresses the threats from
a variety of different types of zombies.
First is the PZ, or pathogenic zombies.
These are zombies who are created after a
host is infected by a virus, bacteria, or
other form of contagion.
Next are Rzs, or Radiation Zombies- these
are zombies created by extreme exposure to
electromagnetic and/or particle radiation.
EMZs are evil magic zombies, or zombies created
by an evil, occult force.
Szs, or Space Zombies are zombie life forms
that originate from outer space, or created
by the toxic contamination of the earth's
environment by an extra-terrestrial source.
WZs, or weaponized zombies, are zombies which
have been developed in a lab somewhere to
be used as a military weapon, perhaps deployed
by a foreign adversary.
SIZs are Symbiant-induced zombies, or zombies
who are created by the introduction of a symbiant
life form into a healthy host.
The symbiant keeps the host alive, but acting
as its personal puppet.
VZs, or Vegetarian zombies, are zombies who
do not feed on flesh- human or otherwise-
but rather who feed on plant life, such as
zombies from the Plants Vs Zombies series
of video games.
These zombies pose just as great a threat
to humanity due to their appetite for vegetation
which can cause massive deforestation and
the destruction of food crops.
Lastly, the plan addressed the threat posed
by CZs, or Chicken zombies, which are the
only type of zombie that actually exist.
These zombies are produced when chickens are
improperly euthanized with carbon monoxide
and left in a pile of bodies, only for the
still living chicken to crawl its way out
of the pile and walk around until organ failure
kills it.
Next the plan moves on to discuss the effect
of the environment on both zombies and the
surviving human population.
It notes that pathogenic zombies will be vulnerable
to ultraviolet light, thanks to UV light's
ability to impair the function of RNA which
comprises most viral life forms.
Thanks to this sensitivity, pathogenic zombies
are not expected to be active during noon
or in bright, sunny conditions, and will likely
be active at night.
Evil magic zombies, space zombies, vegetarian
zombies, and weaponized zombies are believed
to be immune to any extreme meteorological
phenomena except for fires, floods, tornadoes
or tsunamis.
For human survivors, the plan stresses the
need for rainwater conservation, seeing as
most public services will no longer be working.
Also ground water or stream and river water
is not recommended for drinking, as it will
be unknown if it could be a vector for zombie
infection.
Humans who don't shelter-in-place in locations
that protect from the direct effect of air
currents also run the risk of zombie infection,
if the pathogen or zombification source is
airborne.
From here, the plan moves on to 5 phases of
response to a zombie outbreak.
Upon news of the dead rising from their graves,
or evil wizards creating zombie hordes, the
US military will initiate Phase 0 of ConPlan
8888.
This phase is also called, 'Shape the Environment',
and will focus on giving US warfighters as
great warning time and strategic advantage
against the zombie hordes as possible.
Military and civil agencies will monitor disease
vectors for possible zombification, identifying
any ways that infection can spread and taking
precautionary measures.
With constant monitoring the US military will
be ready once the outbreak reaches critical
levels, or is unleashed in full inside North
America.
All military forces will engage in renewed
HAZMAT training as well as Nuclear, Biological,
and Chemical warfare training, already a routine
part of US military training.
Phase 1, Deterrence, will begin upon receipt
of a WARNORD, or Warning Order, by US strategic
command.
In a normal war plan, this phase of planning
involves displays of military power so that
foreign adversaries are deterred from hostile
action.
Because zombies cannot be reasoned with or
intimidated however, other forces which could
further spread a zombie plague or aid in a
zombie apocalypse, such as terrorist groups,
adversary nations, and unethical bioresearch
companies are targeted instead.
Phase 1 will see the US military initiate
large-scale training meant to show any would-be
human collaborators that the US military can
still operate within a toxic and contaminated
environment, hopefully deterring evil bioresearch
companies or terrorists from aiding the zombie
apocalypse.
Phase 2, Seize the Initiative, will begin
upon receipt of an alert order by US Strategic
command.
This will immediately initiate a complete
recall of all military and reserve personnel,
and the immediate implementation of all continuity
of operations plans.
COOP (co-op) plans as they are known are meant
to ensure that no matter what happens, all
of the major military commands are able to
continue functioning, as well as the civilian
government.
The plan will deploy all ground, naval, and
airborne command and control nodes, with preparations
to remain deployed for at minimum 35 days.
This will ensure that the US military remains
in control of its forces no matter what happens
next.
US Strategic Command will reach out to potential
adversary nations such as Russia and China
and inform them of preparation for counter-zombie
operations, conducting confidence-building
measures to ensure these nations don't believe
the mobilization is using the zombie threat
as a cover for military action against their
own countries.
The US Air Force's Global Strike command,
in conjunction with assets from the other
services, will immediately generate forces
for strike missions against zombie horde concentrations
not just here in the US, but abroad.
The rest of the US military will immediately
begin fortifying civilian defense zones and
enforcing quarantines where applicable.
Phase 3, Dominance, will initiate a massive
American military response against the zombie
threat.
Combat operations must be swift and completely
eradicate zombie concentrations, as even a
lone survivor can reignite a zombie outbreak.
Cities and other major population centers
may need to be indefinitely blockaded by military
forces while the civilians are relocated to
more remote areas.
Phase 4, Stabilization, will begin no earlier
than at least 40 days after the initiation
of Phase 3 operations.
US military forces will begin initiating local
reconnaissance operations in order to determine
the strength of surviving zombie forces.
They will also locate isolated pockets of
survivors and shepherd them to secure areas,
as well as survey the status of basic civil
services such as power, water, sewage and
lines of communication.
Recon forces will also conduct surveys of
the epidemiological security of the local
environment, ascertaining if a lingering zombie
infection threat is still remaining.
Phase 5, Normalization, will see US military
forces aid in the reestablishment of civil
authority.
Commercial and civilian infrastructure will
be repaired as best as possible, and the restoration
of functioning civil services will be a top
priority.
ConPlan 8888 aims to prepare the US military
to stop a zombie apocalypse dead in its tracks,
and highlights the specific actions that local
forces need to take in order to ensure their
survival and the continued ability to fight
back against the zombie hordes.
The plan does highlight some current strategic
limitations however, such as a lack of a dedicated
counter-zombie military task force.
There is also the difficulty in ensuring a
zombie is truly neutralized, though the plan
does recommend that military forces burn all
bodies thoroughly.
Other strategic limitations include the inability
to maintain airborne command posts in the
air past a week.
This is because while in-flight refueling
could keep airborne command posts operational
for a month or perhaps even more if needed,
the air fields that support the tankers which
would fuel these aircraft would likely be
overrun by zombies very quickly.
There are also serious defensive deficiencies
for many of the nation's ground-based command
and control nodes, as few command and control
nodes within the United States are hardened
facilities capable of withstanding a relentless
horde of zombies.
ConPlan 8888 recommends that facilities maintain
a stockpile of lumber and train their personnel
how to weld, so they can better secure their
facilities against outside intrusion.
Lastly, the plan warns that there is little
useful scientific data to be used by the US
military to counter a zombie threat, and war
planners may need to turn to popular media
for inspiration on destroying the walking
dead.
There is also a dire warning within ConPlan
8888 that of all the different types of zombies
that the US military may have to face, evil
magic zombies may prove to be the most difficult
to defeat, as they are animated by evil magic.
The plan suggests the recruitment of the Chaplain
Corps to combat this threat.
Do you think any plan could really stop a
zombie apocalypse?
What type of zombie would you be most afraid
of?!
Let us know in the comments, and as always
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