(relaxed drum music)
Hola, it's day 26
of the Bridechilla 30
days of wedding planning.
By now, you may know my name, Aleisha.
Maybe this is the first episode you found
and I welcome you.
I'm the founder of Bridechilla
and the host of the Bridechilla Podcast.
I've produced over 300
episodes of bullshit free
wedding planning advice
and today I want to talk about a topic
that is very warm and close to my heart
and that is planning a wedding
when you're a feminist.
I am hoping everyone
watching this is a feminist
because we believe in equality,
we believe in crushing the patriarchy
and equal rights for all.
I'm also hoping that people watching
are LGBTQ friendly people
and we're embracing
the chance, the offer,
the prospect, the freedom
that everyone is able to get married
and share their love
which is very important to the ethos
of Bridechilla and our community.
It is a question that's asked a lot
about how to balance
your feminist principles
and beliefs and all of the extra shit
that comes along with
the history of weddings.
Of course it doesn't mean
that you are bowing down
to the patriarchal traditions of weddings
but it's also really good to understand
where a lot of the traditions came from
and empower yourself with knowledge
and understanding of
why we do certain things
and then also, in another breath,
empowering yourself to
ditch all of the stuff
that doesn't represent what you believe in
and who you are.
Really, I go back to it again,
all you need to do to get hitched
is to find that other person
that wants to marry you
and you want to marry them
to employ a minister, a celebrant,
a registrant, a registrar, a friend,
someone who is legally
committed to marrying you
and potentially some witnesses
depending on where you're getting married.
You don't need to have anything else
involved in your wedding.
You don't have to have someone
walk you down the aisle.
You don't have to wear
a white dress or a suit.
You don't have to have 50
million people there watching.
There really are no rules
and when you think about that
and you embrace the simplicity
of what it really comes down to
to get married, it is so freeing.
It's so freeing to ditch these traditions
and expectations of society
and do whatever the fuck you want to do.
I know a lot of Bridechillas struggle with
the conversation about name
change which is too big
for this five minute video
but I absolutely encourage you to head
to the Bridechilla community
and join our Facebook group
and in the search terms
look for name change
because there's been some
amazing conversations
and threads within our community
talking about the pros
and cons of name change
and deciding what suits you as a woman.
Also, looking at attire.
What you're going to wear on the day
and what the tradition
of a white dress meant
but also by understanding traditions,
realising that you know, you're
not in a situation anymore,
it's highly unlikely
you are in a situation
where you are being led down
the aisle by your father
to be given to another family
as some sort of dowry
and the white dress
represents your virginity
and at the end of the night
your guests will tear
pieces off your dress
as a way to talk about
the loss of virginity
at the end of the night.
This shit is real.
Look it up, I've got a bunch of blogs
in the Bridechilla blog about the history
of some of these traditions
and they're not great.
I'm going to be honest with you.
Some of the foundations
of where our wedding traditions came from
that we've over generations
have just kept replicating
and bringing back
are pretty fucking fucked up.
However, it doesn't mean
you can't wear a white,
cream, beige, off-white, whatever dress.
It just means that by empowering yourself
with understanding where some
of these traditions came from
you can also make decisions
and say well fuck it.
I'm not wearing a white
dress because I'm a virgin
and if I am, good, fine, whatever
but I'm wearing it because it looks great
and I feel great in it.
It's not because it represents something
in our lives or society.
I think you just have to really,
when it comes to being a Bridechilla
or being a feminist, is to be aware,
to be absorbing of information
but also not to let it weigh you down
and feel bad about everything
because that can be a real trap.
When you start to, like anything,
read about a lot of stuff
and feel like, "Am I
making the right decision?
"Is this representing who I am as a woman
"and as a person and as
a member of society?"
It can get pretty heavy.
So focus on what matters the most.
That's you marrying your partner.
Pick and choose traditions
that have meaning to you
and make sure you just keep checking in
with what sits with you
and be really mindful of making choices
that make you happy
and that represent what you believe in
and don't feel obliged to
follow certain traditions
or do certain things because people
who don't believe in what
you believe in are like,
"Well you should definitely do that,
"I can't believe you're not doing that,
"that's crazy you're not doing that.
"It's tradition, why wouldn't you do it?"
Block it out.
Put the blinkers on.
And make decisions that make you happy
and that suit you and your partner.
There it is, a little rambly,
but I think eventually I
got to the right point.
I'm excited that you have gotten this far
or if you've just discovered
this video series,
go back and watch some of the others
and get involved.
I love, love, meeting new Bridechillas
and Groomchillas and it
always makes me happy
to connect with new
people all over the world.
Honestly I've had over a million listens
to the Bridechilla Podcast
and they have come from countries,
from Australia, New
Zealand, Canada, Sweden.
I've got listeners in Japan.
It just blows my mind
and I love that this ethos and philosophy
is spreading far and wide.
Let me check what's on tomorrow's episode.
Oh, yep, yep, yep, yep, yep.
What are the most important
wedding vendors to book?
It's a big one, and spoiler alert,
it really depends on a couple of factors.
But I think you'll enjoy this episode
and hopefully it will help you.
Especially if you are at
the beginning starter stages
of wedding planning, it can be great
to just know where you should
be focusing your attention
and what you need to get done first.
If you are new to this
whole word of Bridechilla
I say, download the podcast, subscribe.
It's absolutely free and
do check out my books
the Bridechilla Field Guide
and the Bridechilla Survival Guide
which are two books that will guarantee
to get you on the path to Bridechilladom.
That's a new one.
Bridechilladom.
And help you maintain your sanity.
Thank you so much for supporting
the Bridechilla world.
Great to meet you and I
will see you again tomorrow.
Happy days.
(relaxed drum music)
