Gender Identity.
What is it?
First off, let's look at the difference between
gender and sex.
Your sex is determined by a variety of factors
such as chromosomes, hormones, genitalia,
and reproductive organs.
For example, male, female, and intersex.
Gender is a person's sense of being male or
female, both or neither.
Your gender identity is your private understanding
and experience of your gender, which may or
may not align with the sex you were assigned
at birth.
Non-binary identity is a catch-all category
for those whose gender falls outside of the
gender binary of ‘man' and 'woman' alone.
It is important to realise that gender exists
on a spectrum, and is in reality a continuum
of identities.
There is not only male and female identity,
and the masculine and feminine are not always
disconnected from each other.
Many people find that they fall on more than
one place along the gender spectrum, that
they don’t identify as wholly masculine
or wholly feminine, or that they don't identify
with any part of it at all, as agender people
do.
Other identities include, but are not limited
to, androgynous, genderfluid, and agender.
While recognising that one definition may
not apply to all people or their unique experiences,
to be androgynous means to exist in the middle
of the gender spectrum, identifying as neither
man or woman, but existing instead somewhere
in between the two.
Genderfluidity refers to a gender identity
that changes over time.
This means that on one day a person may identify
as male, on another female, somewhere in between
the two, or neither.
Their gender moves across the spectrum.
Agender individuals are without gender.
They may feel genderless, or may be neutral
in how they identify.
Because gender is a continuum, there are many
ways people can identify, and we don’t even
come close to defining half of them here.
Transgender is an umbrella term used to describe
those of us whose gender identity does not
correspond to, or is different from, our assigned
sex.
The term is often used to describe transgender
men and women.
For instance, if someone is designated as
having female sex at birth, but identifies
as male.
Or, if someone is designated as having male
sex at birth, but identifies as female.
When using this definition, however, it is
important to remember that not everyone’s
sex is easily classified as male or female,
and may be ambiguous, as is the case with
intersex people.
Not all intersex people are inherently trans,
but many have diverse gender identities, which
can’t be discussed in terms of whether or
not their sex aligns or doesn’t align with
a particular identity, because their sex is
in and of itself ambiguous.
Our gender has nothing to do with the classification
of our sex, and sex itself exists on a spectrum.
Sometimes people have a hard time understanding
the difference between transgender men and
women and non-binary identified people.
While transgender men and women identify on
either end of the gender spectrum, as exclusively
male-identified or exclusively female-identified,
non-binary people do not, instead finding
themselves in the middle of the gender spectrum
or outside of it altogether.
Some transgender men and women make the decision
to undergo hormone therapy or gender confirmation
surgeries so that their bodies will align
more closely with their identity, and some
do not.
Some non-binary and intersex people may also
seek out hormone therapy or surgeries.
One does not have consider themselves trans
to seek out these procedures.
It should be noted however, that some non-binary
identified people and some intersex people
may also identify under the overarching trans
umbrella.
Whatever someone’s decision, it is important
to remember that these types of procedures
are their business alone, and that only they
can choose to share information about them
with you.
Gender expression refers to our clothes, makeup,
and behaviours as they relate to our gender
identity and how we choose to manifest that
identity publicly.
In short, it’s how you choose to express
(or not express) your gender to the world!
It is important to note that while gender
expression is often an extension of our gender
identity, and that gender expression can be
an important part of someone’s gender transition,
the ways people present themselves in general
will not always indicate their gender, just
as they won’t always indicate their sexual
or romantic orientation.
You can’t necessarily tell how someone identifies
just by looking at them!
For example, if a man wears a dress it doesn’t
make him any less of a man, just as if a woman
wears a suit it won’t make her any less
of a woman.
Furthermore, if a man presents more femininely,
it doesn’t make him gay, and if a woman
presents more masculinely, it doesn’t make
her a lesbian.
Gender and orientation can never be determined
just by the way someone looks, and especially
not by how much they do or don’t conform
to a certain gender stereotype.
He and him, she and her, and they and them
are all examples of pronouns, though there
are many others.
‘They,’ used in its singular form, is
neutral, and so is often the preferred pronoun
for many non-binary identities.
Having said that, if you're confused about
how to refer to someone, it's usually best
to just go ahead and ask them!
More often than not, people want to tell you
what they go by, so long as you keep the conversation
polite and respectful.
Asking someone which pronouns they use is
a good way of doing it.
Demanding to know whether someone is a 'boy'
or a 'girl' is not—some people aren’t
either!
Keep in mind that a person's preferred pronouns
may also vary depending on context, and that
over time, a person's understanding of themselves
might also change, along with their pronouns.
It's best to talk to people about it.
That way you won't misgender anyone accidentally.
If you want to play it safe, though, 'they'
can serve as a respectful placeholder until
you're able to find out a person's pronouns.
Practicing the use of gender-neutral language
in our conversations can also be a good way
to ensure that things are as inclusive as
they can be.
For example, using ‘they’ instead of “he
or she” in our writing and conversations,
not addressing strangers with gendered phrases
such as “hey ladies,” and not assuming
everyone is a lady or a gentleman when addressing
a crowd.
 
Pronouns are important for several reasons.
They help validate our identity in the company
of others, and they keep us feeling confident,
safe, and comfortable.
If you’re having trouble understanding the
importance of pronouns, here’s an analogy
a friend of mine came up with.
Imagine someone insisting that one basic thing
you knew about yourself was false, such as
your name.
They constantly manage to incorporate it into
casual conversation, and soon people you don’t
even know begin to refer to you using this
incorrect information.
This could go on for your entire life, in
spite of frequent attempts to correct the
mistake.
Imagine how miserable it would be with so
many people refusing to respect an understanding
of yourself so basic.
Your gender is one of the most basic aspects
of your identity.
Deliberately misgendering someone by using
the wrong pronouns is a refusal to respect
and acknowledge these fundamentally important
aspects of ourselves.
Everyone is bound to make mistakes, especially
when getting used to a new pronoun, but intentionally
misgendering someone can just be another way
of telling us that we don’t exist.
For gender diverse people, coming out is often
not only scary, but a difficult thing to explain
to others.
If coming out is important to you, I've found
that educating the people in your life prior
to the big announcement helps.
Try teaching them about the gender spectrum,
the binary, and the reality that there are
in fact many genders, not just two.
Remember that coming out is often a life-long
process, much like discovering or accepting
your identity can be.
It is not simply one event, or one statement.
It is likely that you will lose people along
the way, and that you will often find yourself
having to come out over and over again in
different situations.
No matter the outcome, remember that another
person's anger, disappointment, or expectations
are never your fault, and that you don't ever
have to apologise for being you.
That’s all for now!
But the lesson in gender identity doesn’t
end here.
There’s a HUGE amount of information out
there from blog posts to articles on neuroscience,
and whole books could be (and are!) filled
with the subjects discussed in a few short
minutes here.
Think of this as just the beginning, and continue
to find out all you can and celebrate diversity
with those around you!
