( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
( PIANO RIFF )
>> JAMES: LET'S TAKE A LOOK AT
THE FOOD WE HAVE --
JELLYFISH, VIENNA SAUSAGE JUICE
SHOOTER, WE HAVE OUR TRUSTY
FRIEND THE BULL'S PENIS, WE HAVE
A BUG TRIFLE -- NOW, THIS BUG
TRIFLE INCLUDES CRICKETS, WORMS
AND TOPPED WITH A SCORPION.
WE'VE GOT BIRDÑi SALIVA.
A JUNE BUG JELL-O.
THREE-CHILI PEPPER SMOOTHIE, AND
FINELY TURKEY TESTICLES.
HOW YOU FEELING ABOUT THIS,
ARNOLD, YOU FEELING OKAY?
>> I'M NOT GOING TO EAT AGAIN
FOR THE NEXT WEEK.
>> James: OKAY.
SO, ARNOLD, NEITHER OF US HAVE
SEEN THE QUESTIONS.
YOU'RE GOING TO ASK ME A
QUESTION FIRST.
SO WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE ME TO EAT
IF I DON'T ANSWER?
>> HOW ABOUT THE BIRD SALIVA?
>> James: YOU'RE GOING TO GIVE
ME THE BIRD SALIVA?
>> EXACTLY.
OH, JEEZ, OKAY.
IF YOU HAVE THE ABILITY TO
ANSEL ONE OF THE LATE-NIGHT TALK
SHOWS, WHICH WOULD IT BE?
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
COME ON.
YOU CAN DO IT.
>> James: I'D LIKE TO CANCEL
ALL OF THEM, BUT --
>> THAT'S NOT A GOOD ANSWER.
>> James: THAT WOULD BE GREAT
FOR US.
IF I COULD CANCEL ANY OTHER LATE
NIGHT TALK SHOW, WHICH ONE WOULD
I CANSLE?
>> COME CLEAN.
YOU CAN DO IT.
LOOK ME IN THE EYES.
DON'T LOOK AT THE FOOD.
BECAUSE YOU'RE GOING TO ANSWER
IT.
COME ON, NOW.
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )Ñi
DO IT.!3#Eî
( LAUGHTER )
>>Ñi James: OH, MY GOD!
I'M NOT ENTIRELY SURE WHAT'S
HAPPENING HERE.
>> I'M NOT SCREWING AROUND.
>> James: I WOULD NEVER EVER
EVER IN A MILLION YEARS -- I
WOULD NEVER IN A MILLION YEARS
SAY ANYTHING NEGATIVE ABOUT ANY
OF THE WONDERFUL MEN AND WOMEN
ON LATE NIGHT, SO CHEERS,
ARNOLD.
( LAUGHTER )
(  BLEEP  ).
( LAUGHTER )
IT'S GOT, LIKE, BITS IN IT.
( AUDIENCE REACTS )
>> James: FINISH IT.
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
ALL RIGHT.
ARNOLD, I AM GOING TO GIVE YOU
THE THREE CHILLY PEPPER
SMOOTHIE.
OKAY?
RIGHT THERE.
AND HERE'S YOUR QUESTION.
ARNOLD, IN THE PUBLIC'S EYE,
POLITICIANS HAVE A REPUTATION
FOR LYING.
WHILE YOU WERE GOVERNOR, WHAT IS
SOMETHING YOU SAID OR DID THAT
YOU KNEW WAS A LIE?
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
>> James: COME ON!
ANSWER IT!
ANSWER THE QUESTION!
DON'T LOOK AT IT.
LOOK ME IN THE EYE, YOU CAN DO
IT!
( LAUGHTER )
IT'S NOT AS EASY, IS IT, WHEN
YOU'RE OVER THERE?
>> James: OKAY.
UM -- OKAY.
( LAUGHTER )
I DON'T KNOW IF I CAN SAY THAT.
LET ME GIVE YOU THE SHOT.
UM -- THERE'S A TIME WHEN THE
GOVERNOR SIGNS BILLS OR VETOES
THEM.
SO WHEN YOU=)■ VETO A BILL FROM 
LEGISLATORS, THEN YOU WRITE A
VETO MESSAGE.
WELL, THERE WAS ONE LEGISLATOR
THAT I DIDN'T LIKE AT ALL, AND,
SO, I VETOED HIS BILL, BUT I
ONLY WANT TO MAKE SURE THAT HE
GETS THE MESSAGE, SO I WROTE
EACH LINE IN THE VETO MESSAGE,
EACH LINE HAD TO START WITH A
CERTAIN LETTER THAT, WHEN YOU GO
DOWN THE LINE, IT SAYS (  BLEEP 
YOU.
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
AND AT THE PRESS CONFERENCE THE
NEXT DAY, WHEN THEY DISCOVERED
THAT, THE PRESS, THEY SAID TO
ME, SAYS, DID YOU KNOW THAT THIS
SAID (  BLEEP  ) YOU?
AND I SAID, NO, NO, WAIT A
MINUTE --
( LAUGHTER )
WHERE DOES IT SAY THAT?
( LAUGHTER )
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
WOW, I'M AMAZED.
I KNOW -- NO, I DID NOT KNOW
THAT.
>> James: OH, I LOVE THAT!
THAT IS AN UNBELIEVABLE ANSWER.
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
WOW!
OKAY, ARNOLD, SPIN THIS ROUND,
TELL ME WHAT YOU WOULD LIKE ME
TO EAT OR NOT EAT.
>> OH, BULL'S PENIS.
>> James: YEAH?
YES.
>> James: YOU'RE GOING TO SEND
THAT AROUND, THE BULL'S PENIS TO
ME.
>> IT'S ALL CHOPPED UP ANYWAY,
YOU DON'T HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT
THE WHOLE THING.
SO, ALL RIGHT.
HERE WE GO.
>> James: ALL RIGHT, GO FOR
IT.
>> OKAY.
YOU RECENTLY ATTENDED A WEDDING
THAT WAS ALSO ATTEND BID IVANKA
TRUMP.
WHAT DID YOU TALK ABOUT?
( LAUGHTER )
HUH?
WHAT DID YOU --
>> James: THIS IS BULL
(  BLEEP  ) BECAUSE I KNOW YOU
WRITE THE QUESTIONS.
>> WHAT DID YOU TALK ABOUT?
>> James: RIGHT.
I --
>> WELL, FORGET THIS ENGLISH
STUFF.
FORGET ALL THAT.
THAT'S ENGLISH CHARM.
IT DOESN'T HELP YOU HERE.
THIS IS A STRAIGHTFORWARD GAME.
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
>> James: ALL RIGHT, I WILL
SAY THIS, I WAS A LITTLE DRUNK.
>> I EXPECT NOTHING LESS.
>> James: AND I WAS WITH
ORLANDO BLOOM.
>> OKAY.
>> James: WHO I THINK WAS
EQUALLY, IF NOT SLIGHTLYLESS
DRUNK THAN I WAS.
>> OKAY.
>> James: AND WE STOOD AT THE
BAR.
>> AND WHAT DID YOU SAY?
>> James: AND IVANKA WAS AT
THE BAR, AND I CAN'T -- I CAN'T
100% REMEMBER IT, BUT I REMEMBER
THAT WE WERE QUITE DRUNK, AND WE
STARTED GOING, IVANKA, YOU CAN
DO SOMETHING, YOU CAN DO
SOMETHING.
YOU CAN DO SOMETHING.
YOU CAN MAKE A DIFFERENCE.
YOU CAN MAKE A DIFFERENCE.
YOU CAN MAKE IT BETTER.
AND EIVANKA -- I REMEMBER IVANKA
WAS GOING, I'M TRYING, I'M
TRYING.
( LAUGHTER )
THEN THE NIGHT CARRIED ON, I
KEPT DRINKING, AND THEN THE NEXT
DAY, IT WAS LIKE A TWO-DAY
WEDDING, AND THE NEXT DAY THERE
WAS A DRINKS THING IN THE
AFTERNOON AND I FORGOT ALL ABOUT
IT UNTIL I SAW HER ACROSS THIS
SORT OF GARDEN AND IT ALL CAME
BACK.
( LAUGHTER )
AND SHE JUST SAID, UM, I BET
YOU'VE GOT A HEADACHE THIS
MORNING.
( LAUGHTER )
SO THAT WAS WHAT I TOLD IVANKA
TRUMP.
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
>> James: NICE.
OKAY, I'M GOING TO GIVE YOU,
ARNOLD, I'M GOING TO GIVE YOU --
I'M GOING TO GIVE YOU THE
JELLYFISH.
OKAY?
>> James: OKAY.
ARNOLD, IN THE '90s, YOU
AND A GROUP OF OTHER A-LIST
CELEBRITIES OPENED THE PLANET
HOLLYWOOD THEMED RESTAURANTS.
BE HONEST, IF YOU WEREN'T AN
INVESTOR, WOULD YOU HAVE EVER
EATEN AT PLANET HOLLYWOOD?
( LAUGHTER )
>> WHAT'S SO FUNNY ABOUT THAT?
I CAN'T BELIEVE THAT.
( LAUGHTER )
( APPLAUSE )
( CHEERING )
ARE YOU LAUGHING AT ME?
ARE YOU LAUGHING AT ME?
( LAUGHTER )
THE BOTTOM LINE IS THAT I
REMEMBER STILL GOING BACK AFTER
I SOLD MY ENTIRE SHARES,
EVERYTHING, I STILL WENT BACK,
BUT I DIDN'T GO BACK FOR THE
FOOD, BUT I WENT BACK BECAUSE OF
THE OTHER CELEBRITIES BEING
THERE AND BECAUSE OF THE GREAT
MERCHANDISE AND DUFF THEY HAD
THERE.
SO, YES, I DID GO BACK.
>> James: THAT WASN'T THE
QUESTION.
( LAUGHTER )
THE QUESTION WAS WOULD YOU, IF
YOU WEREN'T AN INVESTOR, WOULD
YOU STILL EAT AT PLANET
HOLLYWOOD?
>> I ATE SOME CHICKEN FINGERS,
YES.
>> James: OH, THERE WE GO, ALL
RIGHT!
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
OKAY.
ARNOLD, YOUR TURN.
CHOOSE WHAT YOU WOULD LIKE ME
TO -- WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE ME TO
EAT HERE?
>> OKAY, O'-- BUG TRIFLE.
>> James: OKAY, THIS IS
CRICKETS, WORMS AND A SCORPION.
>> THAT IS REALLY WILD BECAUSE I
WANTED TO ASK THE QUESTION
MYSELF, BECAUSE YOU JUST RENEWED
YOUR CONTRACT WITH CBS --
>> James: OH, (  BLEEP  ).
-- FOR ANOTHER THREE YEARS,
RIGHT?
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
>> James: YEP, I DID.
READ ME THE QUESTION.
>> HOW MUCH MONEY WAS INVOLVED
IN THIS CONTRACT?
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
( DRUM ROLL )
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
( DRUM ROLL )
( CHEERING )
( LAUGHTER )
( CHEERING )
( LAUGHTER )
>> James: OH, MY GOD -- NOT
ENOUGH MONEY TO (  BLEEP  ) PAY 
TO PLAY THIS.
>> THAT WAS VERY COURAGEOUS.
>> James: OH!
I HAVE TO SAY THAT BECAUSE
THAT LOOKS UGLY OVER THERE.
>> James: OKAY.
YOU JUST ATE A SCORPION.
>> James: I'M WELL AWARE OF
WHAT I JUST ATE.
THANK YOU, ARNOLD.
ALL RIGHT, ARNOLD, HERE WE GO.
I AM GOING TO GIVE YOU -- I'M
GOING TO GIVE YOU THE TURKEY
TESTICLES RIGHTÑi THERE, TURKEY
BALLS.
HERE WE GO.
ARNOLD.
YOU AND DONALD TRUMP HAVE A LONG
HISTORY TOGETHER.
RECENTLY, YOU'VE HAD A VERY
PUBLIC FEUD, BUT YOU'VE ALSO
KNOWN EACH OTHER SINCE THE
'80s.
WHAT IS THE WORST THING YOU'VE
HEARD DONALD TRUMP SAY IN
PRIVATE?
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
>> James: WELL, ACTUALLY, IN
PRIVATE, HE ALWAYS WAS VERY
NICE.
AS A MATTER OF FACT, THE LAST
CONVERSATION I HAD WITH HIM, A
PRIVATE CONVERSATION, WAS WHEN
HE CALLED ME AND ASKED ME FOR MY
ENDORSEMENT WHEN HE RAN FOR
PRESIDENT, AND I DECLINED.
AND, SINCE THEN, EVERYTHING THAT
HE SAYS ABOUT ME OR TO ME IS ON
TWITTER.
( LAUGHTER )
WHICH SUCKS.
>> James: YEAH.
YEAH.
SO I THINK HE WAS ALWAYS KIND OF
NICE IN PRIVATE, BUT IN PUBLIC,
I THINK THAT HE'S VERY MEAN
SPIRITED WHAT HE SAYS.
>> James: I MEAN, THIS IS THE
FIRST TIME IN THE HISTORY OF
"SPILL YOUR GUTS"Ñi THAT NOBODY'
EATEN HERE.
I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU HAVEN'T
EATEN ANYTHING.
>> I HAVE TO BE HONEST.
THESE WERE NOT REALLY TOUGH
QUESTIONS.
I MEAN, REALLY, I MEAN, I
THOUGHT --
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
I THOUGHT THEY WOULD BE SOME
KIND OF A -- NO, REALLY,
HONESTLY, I THOUGHT THERE WOULD
BE SOME TOUGH QUESTIONS THAT I'M
REALLY GOING TO GO, LIKE, GUH --
>> James: LET'S TRY THIS ONE,
SHALL WE?
>> YEAH.
>> James: OKAY.
ARNOLD.
YOU'RE ONE TO HAVE THE
BIGGEST -- YOU'RE ONE OF THE
BIGGEST ACTION STARS OF ALL
TIMES AND YOU STARRED IN THE
EXPENDABLES.
RANK THE CO-STARS ON THEIR
ACTING ABILITY FROM BEST TO
WORST.
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
COME ON, YOU CAN DO IT!
SYLVESTER STALLONE, JASON
STATHAM, MICKEY ROURKE, BEST TO
WORST.
>> I WOULD HAVE TO START WITH --
( LAUGHTER )
( LAUGHTER )
( CHEERING )
I -- I START WITH -- UM -- NO
(  BLEEP  ).
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
>> James: ARNOLD
SCHWARZENEGGER, EVERYBODY!
THAT WAS "SPILL YOUR GUTS OR
FILL YOUR GUTS."
WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK!
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
( BAND PLAYING )
