- Let's do this.
Hello, and welcome to "What's
with People?! with Doc Loch."
I'm Dr. Stephanie Lochbihler,
social psychologist,
and cuss word connoisseur, (beep).
(Stephanie giggles)
Got that out of my system.
The goal of these videos
is to give many lessons
on phenomena, theories, and
topics in social psychology,
which is the scientific study
of the way that people
think about, and influence,
and relate to others.
Or in other words,
it's the science of why the
fuck are people like that?
Now this video focuses on a question
that I've personally spent
a lot of time studying,
which is what's with
people caring like so much
what others think of them?
Like I don't give a fuck
what people think of me.
And I'm lying.
I do care what others
think of me to some extent.
And anyone who also says
that is probably lying
or at least a sociopath
because what we're gonna talk about today
is how we are programmed to
give a shit what others think
of us for survival purposes.
We are needy AF.
And when we're threatened
with being rejected
or excluded from others, it
hurts like hell, like literally.
(energetic pop music)
♪ Ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah ♪
♪ Ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah ♪
♪ Ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah ♪
No matter how much people say,
"Ugh, I fucking hate people,"
in a general sense and on
average, they really don't.
Humans are social animals,
which means we actually
really like being with people.
In fact, many studies have
shown that social interaction
by itself is actually
a very rewarding thing
and not just for humans.
So for example, in a study with rats,
which are also social
animals similar to humans,
they actually found that
these rats were trained
to press a lever in order to
gain access to another rat.
And this social contact was
shown to be just as rewarding
to them as if they were
trying to press the lever
in order to gain access to food.
Rats.
Another study found that
rats will actually learn
to go through a maze in order
to be around another rat.
Rats.
In humans, brain scan studies have shown
that the parts of the
brain that are associated
with what we call primary
rewards like food, and sex,
and drugs of abuse...
That's hard to say.
Primary rewards. Primary rewards.
You know, the things that
are very rewarding to us
on a very basic level?
They light up similarly when
we interact with other people,
showing that interacting with others
is just as rewarding
for us as food and sex.
So for both animals and humans,
social interaction is a very powerful
and very natural reward.
We really like people.
But it's not just that we like people,
we actually need people.
According to the evolutionary perspective,
we are naturally programmed
to like social interaction,
much like we like natural rewards,
like food, and water, and sex,
because we need it to survive and thrive.
Now back in the caveman days,
belonging to a social group was necessary
for the success of the individual
because those who were included in a group
had more opportunities for security,
and resources, and reproduction.
I mean...
I mean shit, this is true now, right?
The more that you're in with people,
the more things you get, the safer you are
because you know they got your back,
and the more potential sex
partners you have available
to get it in with.
You can get it in.
I'm sorry.
That was stupid.
That was very dumb.
Now we know that social interaction
and belonging is so important to us,
which is why ostracism, or
being socially excluded,
or rejected, or ignored, sucks so much.
In fact, it's a universal thing
that cultures all over the world use
as a way to punish others
or to get them to follow social norms
or rules because it works.
If you've ever gotten the cold shoulder,
you know that shit is no fun.
And if you've ever
given the cold shoulder,
you know that it works at getting even,
like giving a kid at daycare a time-out
for drawing on the walls,
or giving your boyfriend
the silent treatment
for shaving your guinea pig,
or putting prisoners
in solitary confinement
for stabbing their bunkmate over CHEETOS.
(sighs) I love the FLAMIN'
HOT CHEETOS. They're so good.
It's a very universal
tactic that humans use
to punish people for their wrongdoings.
Now this is because being
socially excluded, ignored,
or ostracized from a group
threatens human survival.
So more specifically, it
threatens four basic human needs,
the need for belonging,
the need to maintain positive self-esteem,
the need to have a sense of
control over your environment,
and the need to believe
that our existence has
some sort of meaning.
Now the reason why we
feel pain at all, right,
is because pain is a biological response
that motivates people to do something
to fix whatever situation is
threatening their survival.
In other words, pain is like a red flag
that tells the person to respond in a way
that will make them get the fuck away
from whatever danger they
have in front of them,
find a way to protect or heal the body,
and avoid whatever caused
the pain in the future.
An example is when a kid puts their hand
on the stove for the first time.
There's an immediate
signal of intense pain
that signals a response
to take the hand the fuck off the stove.
And then crying and running to the parent
who will then get you ice for the injury
and soothing for the
emotion, if you're lucky.
And then they remember never
to touch the stove again.
Now in the case of pain from
being socially excluded,
because there is this threat to survival,
the response is really similar.
So for example, after a break-up,
a person will feel pain that signals
that there's a threat to
their social well-being,
and they might seek out
friends to help comfort them
and maybe ice cream for soothing.
And they might take steps
in order to, in the future,
not experience that pain ever again
by maybe like not dating guys named Broc
who shaved their guinea
pig while they're drunk.
Fuck Broc, not even with a K.
He spells his name with just a C.
The fuck is that?
And when I say that it hurts,
it's not just psychological pain,
it's actual physical pain as well.
That's why we say things
like I have a broken heart,
or I've been stabbed in the
back, or I have hurt feelings.
It's actual pain that we're feeling.
I mean the point of physical
pain is to detect injury
and other threats to our life
and to bring attention to
what's causing the pain
in the first place in order to fix it.
It's kinda like a fire alarm, right?
It needs to be loud to get our attention.
Otherwise, it's kinda pointless, right?
So humans may have evolved to be able
to similarly detect social
pain, or the emotional pain
that's brought on by
being socially excluded,
in order to alert us to
the threat to our lives
and our survival that exists.
Some really cool studies
have shown this, too.
One study found that
the areas of the brain
that are associated with
physical pain are also activated
in response to social pain.
So in this study, participants
were put in a brain scanner
while they experienced social exclusion.
It was found that regardless
of whether the exclusion
was thought of as intentional or not,
when they were excluded, there
was a lot more activation
in the areas of the brain
associated with physical pain
than when they were included.
Now another study found
that the social pain
and physical pain parts
of the brain are the same
by having participants take
either TYLENOL, a painkiller,
or they took a fake pill
every day for three weeks,
and then they were either
included or excluded.
And what they found was
that compared to those
who took the fake pill and were excluded,
those who took TYLENOL daily,
when they were excluded, the
social pain was a lot less.
They even did the study using marijuana,
and they found that
those who used marijuana
reported decreased loneliness,
and depression, and social pain ratings
than those who did not use marijuana.
I mean that's not saying
that you should be
like smoking weed every day,
but Snoop Dogg did tell me to do that, so.
I'm not saying that you
should smoke weed every day.
Snoop Dogg says that you
should smoke weed every day.
I'm not saying that.
These studies really show how social pain
and physical pain really
do overlap in human brains,
and that social exclusion
really, truly hurts.
So how do people react to being rejected?
Yeah, not well, right?
Don't break up with me! (imitates bawling)
Social psychologists say reactions
to social exclusion
happen in three stages.
The first stage is the
reflexive reactions,
or the immediate reaction to social pain
and negative feelings
that go along with it.
Social psychologist, Kipling Williams,
he is the ostracism
researcher extraordinaire,
he created one of the coolest
and most surprising ways
to experimentally manipulate people
into experiencing ostracism.
It's called Cyberball.
And it's a super simple
virtual ball toss game
in which participants are told
that two other participants
are also playing virtually.
Now in the experiment,
the participant is told
that when the ball is passed to them,
that little hand at the bottom, right,
they need to click on the player
that they want to pass the ball to.
The participant is either included
throughout the entire game,
and the ball is passed equally
amongst all the different players,
or the two other players pass the ball
to the participant maybe a
few times in the beginning,
and then they suddenly
just start passing only
to each other.
And then, obviously, that
excludes the participant.
Now there aren't any
other players in reality.
It's just a computer program, right?
But people really believe that it's real.
It sounds a little too simple
to really do anything, right?
Yeah, no, wrong.
Over 120 studies using Cyberball
as a way to make people
feel excluded have shown
that it really works.
People feel really shitty afterwards.
Now studies have shown
that ostracized people
report social pain, and hurt feelings,
and a bad mood after less
than only a few minutes
of exposure to ostracism.
Toss the ball to me!
So check out this video
of a college student
who was recorded, without him
knowing it was being recorded
at the time, while playing Cyberball.
So what you might notice
first is his necklace.
Just kidding. You notice
that he's laughing.
He probably is a little entertained
by the fact that he's being excluded
and that they're not passing
the ball to him anymore.
But that soon changes.
It stops being funny right about now,
and turns quickly to anger.
And then that soon turns into despair.
The fact that even the
simplest of situations,
like being rejected or
ignored by strangers
in a simple ball toss
game, can make us feel bad
shows how powerful the experience
of social exclusion can be.
But hold up, what if it
wasn't just strangers
that rejected you?
What if it was like people
that you didn't even like?
Turns out even when people are rejected
by people like KKK members,
they still feel bad.
That's how strong this shit is.
Because again, if being
rejected threatens survival,
like a fire alarm, it really needs to work
in order to get us to
do something to fix it.
Now that leads us to the second stage,
which is the reflective reactions
that occur after the initial
sting of social exclusion.
And this is where people have
responses that are focused
on trying to find ways to be reincluded
or just to make themselves feel better.
They might try to, I don't know,
figure out why the exclusion happened.
They might try to make
themselves feel better
by saying nice things to themselves
or to remind themselves of
other social relationships
that they have to make
themselves feel better.
Other actions that people
will take are mimicking,
or complying, or obeying orders,
or expressing attraction,
or conforming, or seeking
new groups to affiliate with,
or cooperating in general.
Look, excluded people may
also engage in behaviors
that are just an attempt to
make themselves feel better
or to avoid or lessen the
pain of social exclusion.
In a study, it was found
that excluded people
were more likely to engage
in self-defeating behaviors
like choosing video games to play
and reading magazines or other
distractions over studying,
or maybe choosing cookies
or unhealthy food options
over healthier options.
Studies have also found
that single men and women,
or widows, or lonely college
students are more likely
to abuse drugs and alcohol.
Now these behaviors really show
that excluded people are more
likely than included people
to do that shit that will
provide them immediate pleasure,
and satisfaction, and
self-medication, essentially,
as a means to get rid of social pain
that they're experiencing
without really thinking
about the long-term consequences.
Now the final stage is called resignation,
and it refers to the experience of people
who have been ostracized
or rejected over, and over,
and over again, and whose
attempts to be with people
or to recover from social
pain have been ineffective
or useless, leading them
to kinda give up hope.
Studies have shown that
chronic deprivation
of social contact is associated
with a bunch of negative mental
and physical health outcomes
like stress, and low
self-esteem, and depression,
even increased risk of
illness and heart disease.
In fact, a study found that
loneliness is just as unhealthy
for individuals as smoking
15 cigarettes a day.
It's not just bad for your health,
but long-term rejection
can also lead people
to become more aggressive.
It's been shown that as many
as 80% of school shooters
experienced rejection
from their peers over
a long period of time.
Studies have also found
that after college students
were told that a
personality test indicated
that they'd eventually
spend their life alone,
it was a fake test,
they were more likely to act aggressively,
like putting more hot
sauce in a stranger's drink
or blasting noise at someone,
than someone who didn't get told
that they were gonna end up alone forever.
Look, how people react to
rejection may come down
to personality differences as well.
But in general, we really don't like it
because we need people.
So just be nice to each other, you know,
even if they say crap
like I don't need anyone
or I don't care what people think of me.
I mean we all know now that it's bullshit,
but even those people need
friends, right? (sighs)
You guys like me, right?
Do you guys wanna be my friend?
(laughs loudly) Be my friend. (giggles)
Mm, mm, I'm so crazy. (chuckles) Mm.
(air whooshes)
(energetic pop music)
Thank you so much for watching.
Like thanks so much.
Mm.
That's why you don't
date someone named Broc.
Mm, mm, mm.
Primary rewards.
I'm, I am struggling with that.
Hi, guys, welcome!
Hey!
