 
### Answered Prayer

### By Jennifer Park

### Edited by Rachel Guerrero

### Smashwords Edition

### Copyright 2017 Jennifer Park

### Smashwords Edition, License Notes

### Thank you for downloading this ebook. This book remains the copyrighted property of the author, and may not be redistributed to others for commercial or non-commercial purposes. If you enjoyed this book, please encourage your friends to download their own copy from their favorite authorized retailer. Thank you for your support.

# Table of Contents

Chapter 1

Chapter 2

Chapter 3

Chapter 4

Chapter 5

Chapter 6

Chapter 7

Chapter 8

Chapter 9

Chapter 10

Chapter 11

Chapter 12

Chapter 13

Chapter 14

Chapter 15

Chapter 16

Chapter 17

Chapter 18

Chapter 19

Chapter 20

Chapter 21

Chapter 22

Chapter 23

Chapter 24

Chapter 25

Chapter 26

Chapter 27

Chapter 28

Chapter 29

Chapter 30

Chapter 31

Chapter 32

Chapter 33

Chapter 34

Chapter 35

Chapter 36

Chapter 37

Chapter 38

Chapter 39

Chapter 40

# Chapter 1

_Present Day_

Eun Seo stopped walking and rubbed her aching wrist. After enduring an interminably long bus ride, she had dragged her hefty suitcase seven blocks from the bus station. Finally, she found herself in front of Saint Anne's Catholic Church. The church had a stone stairway leading to the entrance. As Eun Seo gazed at the steps she must climb in order to reach its large wooden doors, she wondered what would happen once she made it to the top. She was physically exhausted, but after this long journey, she still had no assurance that the priest would be able to see her. She wouldn't think about what to do if he wasn't available. This plan had to work because she did not have a plan B.

After an arduous climb up the stone steps, she opened the doors and found herself at the entrance to the sanctuary. An elderly nun appeared, seemingly out of nowhere, and asked Eun Seo if there was anything she wanted.

"May I see a priest?" Eun Seo ventured. Does one ask for a father or a priest? Having never stepped foot into a Catholic church before, Eun Seo didn't know if there was a difference.

The elderly nun told her that Father Park was meeting with someone else at the moment, but she would let him know that someone was waiting to see him.

Eun Seo waited on a pew for over an hour before the nun came back and escorted her to the priest's office. Eun Seo had not minded waiting. She wondered how she ought to begin conversation with the Catholic "Father." She had never talked to one before. How would she tell him her story? She could barely bring herself to think clearly about her own circumstances. How was she going to share them openly with a complete stranger?

Eun Seo was comforted by the sight of Father Park. He was a kindly-looking, grandfatherly sort of man. His hair was solid grey and his face wore a lifetime of wrinkles.

"Hello, child," Father Park greeted Eun Seo. "Would you like to come to my office?"

Father Park led Eun Seo to a room off the sanctuary. He led her to a small seating area and offered her some tea. After she had taken a sip, he asked, "What would you like to talk with me about?"

Eun Seo explained her situation as best she could. She tried to keep her voice calm and steady. She explained that she was unmarried and expecting a child. That she had left home and she only had a high school education and no work experience. She had little money and nowhere to live.

Father Park showed no sign of surprise at her tale. He simply listened.

Eun Seo continued. Maybe the church would know of someone that needed a live-in helper? Perhaps there was some family with whom she could work, and, in exchange, have room and board for herself and later for her child. She would be a hard worker. She just needed a chance. Eun Seo knew she sounded desperate and she was.

Father Park leaned forward and took Eun Seo's hand in his old and wrinkled one. She could see the tears well up in his eyes as he asked her further questions.

"Child, what about your parents? Do they know the situation you are in?"

"I can't tell them. I can't," Eun Seo insisted.

"And what of the father?" the old priest inquired.

"He doesn't know."

"Shouldn't you tell him?" the old man tried to be as gentle as he could.

Eun Seo sighed and rose. "If you can't help me, I understand." She gathered her things and turned to leave.

Father Park stopped her. "Not so fast, child. I didn't say I can't help you. I am asking questions to make sure you have thought about what you are doing. Sometimes people need to give their families and the men that love them more credit than they do. Sometimes those people respond to the difficulties of life in the most unexpected and wonderful ways."

"I did think about it. I thought long and hard. This is the only solution."

"Are you sure, child?"

"Yes, Father, I'm sure."

Father Park sighed. He wondered how this young girl came to be in such a state where there was no one she trusted to stand with her.

"I will need to make some phone calls, I can think of a couple people who might be looking for some live-in help. Meanwhile, I think you can stay with Sister Mary. She lives in a small guest house on the back of the church property. There are several small rooms. You can stay there until we find a suitable place for you."

Father Park called Sister Mary and told her to prepare a room for Eun Seo. Eun Seo was led to a small building behind the gardens of the church. The building had several rooms with basic furnishings. A bed, a table, and a lamp were the sole furnishings of her small room. Sister Mary showed her where the common bathroom was and where the kitchen was. She told Eun Seo to ask her any questions she had and invited her to morning prayers at 6:00 a.m.

When Eun Seo was alone in her room, she sank down exhausted on the bed and wept.

# Chapter 2

One Year Ago.

Eun Seo wanted to break the alarm that had awakened her from her beautiful dream. She glared at the offending device and silenced it roughly with a punch to the stop button. She stretched lazily as she tried to pull back the memory of her dream before it faded. She had been dreaming of a handsome somebody. This person did not exist in the real world, at least she had not met him in the real world. But she met him regularly in her dreams. She could never clearly see his face, yet she knew he was quite handsome.

In her dreams, he would arrive at some dangerous and terrifying moment, like before she fell from a cliff or was run over by a bus. In each and every situation, the handsome someone saved her from all manner of harm. Eun Seo wondered at her dream hero. Did all girls have dream heroes that rescued them from life's dangers? Each time in her dreams when she came close to seeing his face clearly, she would waken and the image of her hero would fade as she left the world of dreams and entered the harsher reality of being wide awake.

Eun Seo was shaken out of her fantasy by her mother's voice. Eun Seo's mother, Jung Hee, was the wife of Pastor Lee Sang Chul. Jung Hee was well suited to her role as a pastor's wife. She dutifully assisted her husband and cared for her three children. Her eldest, Hyun Woo, was nearly finished with his internship in neurosurgery. The family was proud of their eldest. At least, they were as proud as their religion allowed them to be. One could not be too proud as the family of a pastor, because that would not be right. Still, the family and even the church held the firstborn of their senior pastor in high regard.

Jung Hee's second son, Min Jae, was in his last year of medical school. He was nearly as impressive as his older brother. He hoped that his internship would be in cardiology. There was a slight competitive tension between the brothers that made him think that choosing separate specialties would add to family harmony.

Jung Hee's third child arrived four years after her second and it was an answer to her secret prayer that this child was born a girl. Having a daughter had long been the undisclosed desire of Jung Hee. She would have loved the child if it had been another son, but she was so pleased when the doctor announced she had given birth to a girl. She had visions of dressing her in pretty dresses and putting bows in her hair. Having another female in the house with her husband and two sons would be most welcome. Eun Seo was a little spoiled. She was the pet and mascot of the family. The parents who had the heart to be harsh and strict in the upbringing of their sons had no such heart towards their beautiful daughter. And the competitive brothers saw no reason to compete with their much younger female sibling.

Jung Hee was calling for Eun Seo to get ready for church. Soon it would be time for them to leave. Eun Seo dressed quickly and ate her breakfast. Eun Seo's clothing was fashionable yet conservative, as a pastor's daughter's dress should be. When she arrived at the entrance to Faith Baptist Church, she saw her lifelong friend Sung Ho waiting for her.

Sung Ho was the son of Elder Lim at her father's church. They had played together since they were babies in the church nursery. They were in Sunday school classes, youth groups, and prayer meetings together for as long as they could remember. They had both gotten in trouble when they erased the memory verse from the Sunday school board when they were little so that they would have room to play tic-tac-toe. They had spent hours waiting for their respective fathers to get out of meetings so that they could go finally go home. Sung Ho and Eun Seo had the special bond that only happens when the years of childhood are spent in each other's company.

The church had watched with interest the closeness between the pastor's daughter and elder's son. More than one had speculated what would happen to them when they grew up. Would they grow up to be a couple (as their parents hoped)? Or would their friendship survive the eventual boyfriend or girlfriend that could disperse their twosome in the years to come? It was a favorite pastime of the congregation to speculate about the futures of the young people who attended their church.

Sung Ho and Eun Seo were scheduled to help in the 7 to 9 year old children's church class. They helped with the craft and the serving of snacks and they organized and led games. By the time church was nearly over, Eun Seo was getting a headache from the rowdy youngsters and her stomach ached with hunger.

"Your brother wants us to meet him at the park after church," Sung Ho whispered so as not to disturb the closing prayers.

"Why?" Eun Seo whispered back, while keeping her head bowed and eyes closed, as if reverently paying attention to the prayer that was ridiculously lengthy for a children's Sunday school class.

"He wants us to meet his new friend from medical school. He said he was trying to set you up." Sung Ho was not ashamed to tease her even during prayers.

Eun Seo opened her eyes to glare at him, only to shut them quickly as she realized that the Sunday school teacher had noticed her lack of reverence.

Sung Ho quietly laughed at his friend's embarrassment. Served her right for talking during prayers.

Min Jae, Eun Seo's brother, texted to say that she should meet him by the bench near the stall that sold ice cream at 2:00 pm. Eun Seo and Sung Ho patiently greeted and said goodbye to various members of the congregation as they left the morning service. Both friends tried to be polite and courteous in their brief conversations as people left. In reality, they were counting the minutes until it seemed like they had stayed long enough that they would not be accused of running away as soon as the service was over.

Sung Ho and Eun Seo arrived at the designated bench before Min Jae arrived with his friend Han Gyul. Sung Ho was off at the ice cream stall when the two arrived. Min Jae was in a cheerful mood as he introduced his friend to his sister. It was obvious that he was trying to play cupid. This was very embarrassing to Eun Seo, but Han Gyul seemed to take it in stride.

Sung Ho saw Han Gyul while he was still busy at the ice cream stall. He took in the tall young man and his neat, fashionable appearance and smiled. This was not the type of guy Eun Seo would like. It was evident that he spent too much time and money on his appearance. He looked like a rich pretty boy. Eun Seo often described boys who were pretty enough to be girls as entirely unattractive to her. And she despised people who spent money on designer clothing when you could feed a small village in a developing nation for less. After this judgement made from a few seconds of keen observation, Sung Ho sighed in relief. He need not fear this introduction. His Eun Seo had the unique quality of telling boys to "bug off" in the most efficient manner. Maybe that was why Min Jae insisted on playing matchmaker for his sister. He liked to see how swiftly most men were judged unworthy by the proud Eun Seo.

The foursome sat on the bench while eating ice cream. After the brief introductions, Eun Seo paid no attention at all to Han Gyul. While she talked and laughed with her brother and Sung Ho, her replies to Han Gyul were one-syllable grunts, usually made while she was looking off into the distance, never looking directly at him if she could help it.

Han Gyul had agreed to this meeting against his better judgement. He had wanted Min Jae as a lab partner at school and Min Jae had agreed on the condition that Han Gyul take his sister on at least one date. Han Gyul had refused but thought better of it when the only other alternative was partnering with Ye Jun. Ye Jun was the worst student in class. Min Jae was the second-best student. Almost as good as Han Gyul himself. Han Gyul was famous for his dedication to success. He was the best at everything he attempted. And many girls at his college would had fought for the opportunity to eat ice cream with him. He was amused at the young girl at the end of the bench who couldn't have cared less about the highly intelligent, highly desirable Han Gyul.

As Han Gyul ate his ice cream and watched the interaction between girl, her brother, and her friend, he made mental notes to himself.

Note 1: Min Jae is crazy about his little sister. His devotion was clear in each word and mannerism. He teased her, defended her, scolded her, and praised her in turn. He used his napkin to wipe the ice cream from her face. He promised to help her with her homework. Han Gyul made a mental note that he should be careful not to offend his lab partner's sister if he wanted to remain on good terms with said lab partner.

Note 2: Sung Ho was crazy about Eun Seo in more than a "childhood friend" type of way. But he was not antagonistic towards Han Gyul, which meant he was either very confident that Eun Seo returned his feelings, or that he did not consider Han Gyul to be competition. It was too soon to determine which was the case.

Han Gyul was intrigued. Who was this girl that dismissed him without a second glace? Han Gyul knew people considered him quite the catch. He was a handsome medical student in the top of his class. He was the only son of a reasonably wealthy family. As he continued to simultaneously watch Eun Seo and lick his ice cream, he decided that though she was pretty, she was just an average sort of pretty, not quite his style. Han Gyul did not usually waste his time on girls. He had goals and he was very focused on his goals. Where his classmates could be in the depths of despair over a breakup, Han Gyul prided himself on being above such silliness. Han Gyul was shaken from his reflections by a laugh. Eun Seo was laughing at something Min Jae had said. She was smiling up into the face of her brother, her eyes twinkling with unspoken mischief. A private joke shared by the siblings was making her laugh. In that moment Han Gyul decided he had to reassess his initial valuation. Eun Seo was prettier than he had at first thought.

Han Gyul, Sung Ho, Eun Seo, and Min Jae had a pleasant dinner and then parted. Min Jae and Han Gyul left to return to college and Sung Ho and Eun Seo headed in the opposite direction, towards their homes. Han Gyul was not at all pleased watching the two friends, obviously comfortable in each other's company, heading happily away. The entire evening had passed without Eun Seo giving him the time of day. It was like he wasn't even there. This was not something that usually happened to Han Gyul. No one ignored him. His parents doted on him. His teachers gave him extra attention. The girls at school begged to be noticed by him. But the long-haired black-eyed Eun Seo might even have been considered rude in her obvious dismissal of his presence.

Han Gyul told himself it did not matter. He was after a lab partner, not a girlfriend. Still, it stung more than he cared to admit. It also intrigued him. As the evening had worn on, he found himself more and more curious about Eun Seo. As he walked back to the dorm with Min Jae, he started asking questions about Eun Seo.

"Does she have a boyfriend?" Han Gyul got right to the point.

Min Jae looked at his friend. He wonder if Han Gyul actually cared if Eun Seo had a boyfriend or not. "No, she has never had a boyfriend." He answered honestly.

Han Gyul was surprisingly relieved by that answer. "What about Sung Ho?" he inquired further.

"He is not a boyfriend. They have been friends since they were babies." Min Jae laughed at the thought.

"He seems like a boyfriend." Han Gyul persisted.

"He's just protective. He is like another brother for Eun Seo."

"Can you give me Eun Seo's phone number?"

"You want her phone number?" Min Jae was shocked.

"You said I had to take her on one date. How am I supposed to take her on a date without her phone number?" Han Gyul reminded him.

"Oh, that's okay. You can forget it. I just wanted to show off my little sister. She is pretty cool and I just wanted you to meet her. You don't have to force yourself. Tonight was enough. I will be your lab partner." Min Jae was feeling embarrassed that he'd made his sister a condition for his help.

"No, a deal's a deal. Just give me her number. I'll let you know when we have our first date."

"No really, I was just joking. I didn't think you would even agree to meet her. Eun Seo would kill me if she found out I made her a pawn. She is really proud. Plus, I noticed things didn't really click with you two. I don't think she is interested."

"Will you give me her number, or do I have to ask someone else?" Han Gyul pointedly directed the question at the obviously embarrassed brother.

"Okay, but I am out of this now. I already told you that you don't have to take her out. What you do now is up to you. I wash my hands of it."

Min Jae gave Han Gyul his sister's phone number. He hoped she would not be too angry with him. It was just a joke, he had not expected Han Gyul to take him seriously. He should have known better, because Han Gyul took everything seriously.

When Han Gyul got back to his room, he sent a text to Eun Seo.

"It was nice meeting you. I hope we can have a chance to meet again. Goodnight."

After waiting for 30 minutes, he was sure he was not going to receive a reply. Maybe getting a date with Eun Seo would not be as easy as he thought it would.

Two days passed and Eun Seo had not replied to his message. She did not go to his school and he did not have a natural way to meet up with her. His only connection with her was through her brother Min Jae. Han Gyul sent a text to Min Jae.

"What time does your church service start on Sunday?"

Min Jae was in a quandary. He wondered at Han Gyul's sudden interest in church. He was going to be in big trouble with his sister if Han Gyul turned into some kind of stalker. But if someone asks you what time church starts, you can't exactly lie or say it was cancelled. Plus Han Gyul would just look it up on the internet if he didn't reply.

"There is a great church that starts at 10:00 right by school. I know some people there. How about we meet up at my place beforehand and I'll go with you?" was the text Min Jae finally decided to send.

Han Gyul smiled as he read the text. Min Jae wasn't making it easy for him to meet Eun Seo again.

Han Gyul decided to let the matter drop. He had been blown off by a girl. That kind of thing happened to guys all the time. It was not like he was looking for a girlfriend. It was just the challenge of it he told himself. He didn't have the time or mental energy to waste on some girl. He mentally let go of the goal of making Eun Seo pay him some attention.

# Chapter 3

As the semester passed, Han Gyul was increasingly grateful for his lab partner. They made a good team and they remained at the top of the class. But his lab partner always reminded him of the young beauty that had spurned his attention. He had tried several times to get Min Jae to give some little hints on what Eun Seo was up to or how she was doing, but the tight-lipped brother, who before had spoken of his sister almost daily, almost never mentioned her these days. It was three months after Han Gyul had met Eun Seo when he was with Min Jae when he received a call from his sister.

"What?! Which hospital? Okay, I'll be there as soon as I can. I'll call you when I arrive. Try not to worry. I'm sure he'll be fine. Dad's practically Superman, remember." Min Jae was obviously disturbed as he ended the call.

"What's up?" Han Gyul asked.

Min Jae looked at his friend as if he had forgotten he was there.

"Can you give me a ride to the hospital? My dad collapsed. They think it is a heart attack."

Han Gyul drove quickly to the hospital. By the time he and Min Jae had arrived, Min Jae's father was already in surgery. Min Jae's older brother, his mom, and several friends were already there waiting to hear the outcome of the surgery. Sung Ho was there, his arm around Eun Seo, trying to comfort the distraught girl. Eun Seo had found her father passed out in his study. She did not know how long he had been like that. It had been Eun Seo who had called for an ambulance and alerted the family.

Eun Seo was crying but trying not to. As the minutes passed, more and more church members and friends arrived. Each one wanted to know what happened, and some were scolding Eun Seo for her choice of hospital. Yes, this was the closest, but there were other hospitals that had better surgeons. Some were encouraging Eun Seo to have faith. That God would not allow her father to die. Eun Seo had accompanied her father on too many hospital visits to church members to take comfort in their words. Fathers die. It was a fact of life that she had seen many times before. At this moment Eun Seo wished that she could just blindly believe that because God existed her father was safe, but she couldn't. Eun Seo had served at more funeral dinners than she could count. Han Gyul was watching the small group of worried people as a spectator. He did not know the man that had brought so many people to tears. At this moment in time his heart went out, not so much to the unknown man having surgery, but to the tear-stained face before him. He sensed she wanted nothing more than to be left alone by all the well-meaning busybodies.

Han Gyul moved without thinking. He crossed the crowded room, reached out and grabbed Eun Seo's hand. Gratefully, Eun Seo followed where he led. Han Gyul didn't know where he was going. He just wanted to get Eun Seo away, give her an opportunity to face her fears and grief away from the onslaught of onlookers who seemed to be judging whether or not she was handling it as well as a pastor's daughter should. Han Gyul took her to the roof of the hospital. Once they were there he realized he still held her hand. He released her and she walked to the edge and looked out over the city. He stood some distance away from her, allowing her the space she needed to get her emotions under control. He watched as her feet seemed unable to hold her and she crumpled onto the rooftop and sat perfectly still. He was moved to tears himself as he watched her struggle, but he made no move to intrude on this private moment. He wanted to know what she had gone through that morning, he wanted to know what she was feeling, and he wanted to promise that all would be well. But he somehow knew that she did not need any of that now. Right now, she needed to come to terms with herself. When she was ready, she could face what was happening around her, and then it would be time to ask her, but for now she needed space and he was trying to make sure she got it.

Han Gyul stayed by the door leading to the roof waiting for Eun Seo. After he had waited for quite a while he slowly moved and sat next to Eun Seo. Eun Seo kept her face down, her eyes fixed on the floor of the roof and she slowly started to speak.

"My dad is the greatest man I have ever met. I know people always think that their dad is the best, and kids get into fights about whose dad is the strongest or richest. But I know my dad is an amazing person. He is the real deal. He loves people. Sincerely, honestly, passionately loves his congregation. People think pastors are in it for their egos or that they have a God complex. Dad just wants to lead people, not in an overbearing way, but in a 'lost sheep need a shepherd' kind of way. People think I am brave, joyful, and outgoing but that's because I have someone who loves me unconditionally. I mean the world to him and that is why I am not afraid of anything... except losing him."

Han Gyul said nothing. He just listened. He wondered how much of Eun Seo's opinion of her dad was real and how much was created out of the love and hero worship a devoted daughter gave to her father. It didn't matter. In Eun Seo's mind, the foundation of her world was being shaken and she wondered if she would survive.

"I know it sounds silly, but I don't think I can breathe without him in this world. I don't need him to hold my hand when things get tough or anything like that. I just need him to exist. "

Eun Seo sat silently. Her tears continued to roll down her cheeks.

"What would your dad say to you now?" Han Gyul asked.

Eun Seo gave a slight shake of her head and she said solemnly, "Eun Seo, God is with you. You don't ever need to be afraid. The sun will come up tomorrow as it always has. In this life you will have trouble, which is why God gave you family and friends. Trust what God has given you and don't fear what He sees fit to take away."

Han Gyul nodded his head at the wise advice given by a dad still in surgery through the voice of his grieving daughter. It was good that Eun Seo already knew her father's thoughts.

"That sounds like good advice."

They sat together in silence. It seemed that the breeze of the rooftop had a calming effect on Eun Seo.

Their quiet reprieve was broken when Han Gyul's phone rang. They both stood as Han Gyul answered the call. It was Min Jae. He wanted to talk to Eun Seo. Eun Seo was already reaching her hand out to take the phone from Han Gyul.

"Dad is out of surgery. He is fine. He is going to be ok." Min Jae was crying tears of relief as he gave his sister the good word. Eun Seo was so overcome with relief that she couldn't bring herself to formulate a sensible reply. She looked up at Han Gyul, who seemed to know what she wanted. He took the phone and told Min Jae that they would be down in a few minutes. Han Gyul reached out to take Eun Seo's hand to lead her back downstairs. But when he took her hand, something in her expression made him want to connect with her in her relief. And he pulled her into his embrace and held Eun Seo as she began to sob. Her tears were the tears that one feels free to shed after the terror of potential tragedy has passed. He held her and murmured incoherent phases of "it's all right... everything will be all right now... you did the right thing... your dad is going to be fine... don't worry...it's all right..."

Eun Seo surrendered herself to his embrace. She did not resist in the slightest. She rested her head on his muscular chest and listened to the rhythm of his soothing mantras. They worked a comforting magic on Eun Seo. Her crying slowed and then stopped altogether. She pulled away and smiled a shy smile at her comforter. She was remembered how coldly she had treated this "pretty boy" at their first meeting. And she was also aware that she had never answered his text. She was feeling a bit guilty and embarrassed at sharing such a tender moment with an almost-stranger, yet this stranger had known just what she needed at this delicate moment.

"You ready?" Han Gyul asked.

"Yes. Thank you," Eun Seo said while looking at the ground.

Han Gyul smiled to himself. He had gotten a 'thank-you' out of the stone-cold Eun Seo. Well, that was progress.

Sung Ho was the first to notice the two return to the waiting room. Eun Seo was surrounded by friends and family who were hugging and talking and praying in turn. Han Gyul felt immediately like the outsider that he was. He said his goodbyes to Min Jae and quietly left the hospital. Late that night, he received a text. It was from Eun Seo.

"Thank you for today."

Han Gyul replied with, "You're welcome. I hope your dad is doing well. Let me know if I can do anything. I hope you get some rest."

He waited for 30 min for a reply to his reply. He did not get one. Oh, well, he hadn't actually asked a question, so maybe she thought a reply wasn't necessary. He felt as if he had gone from a "nobody" to a "somebody" in just a matter of hours—the fact that Eun Seo had initiated the text seemed to mean something. If he was going to pursue this girl, he coached himself that he would need some patience.

The next day, Min Jae was missing from class and Han Gyul did both parts of their lab assignment. After class Han Gyul called Min Jae for an update on how things were going. Surprisingly, it was Eun Seo who answered his phone.

"Hi, Min Jae is with dad at the hospital, they are running some further tests. Do you want me to pass a message to Min Jae?" Eun Seo asked.

"No. No message. I was just wondering how your dad is doing." Han Gyul liked how her voice sounded on the phone.

"Dad is doing really well, considering he had a quadruple bypass yesterday. The nurses got him out of bed and he walked the length of the hallway. His mind is clear and he seems cheerful. He was remembering a whole bunch of stuff we need to do for him at the church, so it seems like he is going to be fine."

"I'm glad. You had quite a scare yesterday. How are you doing?" Han Gyul knew he was prying, but he really wanted to know how she was.

"I'm okay now. Yesterday I was really shaken up. I can't imagine my life without dad. I think yesterday I really thought he might die, and I wondered if I could ever be okay again. I know someday I'll have to face life without him. Others have lost their fathers, but really, I don't think I could face that yet. I'm not ready. I think that might make me sound like a spoiled baby. But Dad means everything to me."

Both Han Gyul and Eun Seo herself were surprised at her honest and open answer. The more Han Gyul saw and heard from this girl, the more he wanted to hear and see. The more he heard how she felt about her dad, the more he hoped that someday, someone would feel the same way about him.

Eun Seo seemed embarrassed and tried to end the conversation. "I'll tell Min Jae you called."

"Thanks. Take care." He hung up.

After Han Gyul had finished studying for the night. He went to the webpage for Faith Baptist Church and found out when their services started. His sudden desire to go to church had been rekindled.

Han Gyul did not see much of Min Jae for the next few days. Han Gyul sent a daily text to check on his father and he was glad to hear that Min Jae's father was improving rapidly. The scare of the heart attack had made Han Gyul think about his own father. As far as he knew, his father was in good health. Han Gyul's father was tall and handsome, an older version of Han Gyul. He had been a young man with a very bright future ahead of him. But he had met and fallen in love with Han Gyul's mother. Their relationship had resulted in Han Gyul being conceived before they were married. They had married immediately, and Han Gyul's father had left medical school to work in his father-in-law's company.

Han Gyul felt sorry for his dad. He did not see what his dad had ever seen in his mother. The mother he knew was picky, demanding, and selfish. She almost daily berated her husband. Han Gyul received careful attention and praise from his mother, but his father received constant criticism and ridicule. If only his father had met someone else, if only his mother had not gotten pregnant, his father could have been a respected doctor and had a family that looked up to him. As it was, he was a mere shadow of what he could have been, and Han Gyul blamed it on the mistake his father had made with a girl. Han Gyul had always been rather standoffish when it came to relationships with girls. For the most part he just couldn't be bothered. They just were not all that interesting to him. But there was another reason he had not actively pursued any number of attractive girls that would have been happy to return his attention. Deep down he did not want to ruin his life over a girl. And when he thought of Eun Seo, he felt even more sympathy for his dad. Was this how it started for his dad? Did he start to worry too much about someone he had no reason to worry about? Was Han Gyul destined to end the same way his father had?

Han Gyul went to his desk and found the scrap of paper that he had written the times when services started at Faith Baptist Church and slowly tore it up. Maybe he wouldn't go to church after all.

# Chapter 4

Eun Seo, Sung Ho, and Min Jae decided to go for a bike ride after church on Sunday. They all thought the fresh air would do them good after the week they had. Min Jae sent a text and invited Han Gyul. Han Gyul thought about making up some excuse so he would not need to be there, but he decided that it was okay to go along with the invitation, after all, it had come from Min Jae, not his sister.

The foursome raced along the paved path that followed the edge of the river. It was a beautiful day. After returning the rented bikes, they decided to eat barbeque at a nearby barbeque stall. Sung Ho was the main cook at their table, cautiously making sure the meat did not burn. Min Jae carefully prepared a wrap for his sister and placed the oversized morsel not-so-gently into her mouth. Han Gyul was trying not to be bothered by the obvious closeness that this brother and this friend had with Eun Seo. Somehow he perceived them both as a threat. But a threat to what? He had already concluded that he had no intention of trying to deepen his relationship with the pastor's daughter. With a year left in medical school and an internship after that, he was years away from safely being able to settle down to the responsibilities of a wife and family. Pastor's daughters are not girls one plays with for the fun of it. He had decided to move on from his momentary intrigue with the girl who could take him or leave him.

Han Gyul was pensively eating his dinner when he notice Eun Seo was watching him. He returned her stare by asking a silent question with the raising of one eyebrow. Eun Seo smiled at his comical face and playfully stuffed a wrap of lettuce and meat into his mouth. After his mouth was empty enough to speak, Han Gyul heard himself say, "Would you like to go to the movies next Saturday?"

It was hard to gauge who at the table was most surprised when Eun Seo answered, "Sure."

When Han Gyul got home that night, he was mentally kicking himself. Why had he asked Eun Seo to the movies? What was even more surprising and puzzling was that she agreed to go. Han Gyul needed to be clear with himself and with Eun Seo. He was not ready for a committed girlfriend/boyfriend relationship. He told himself that Saturday would be their one and only date. He would go because there was no good way to get out of it now. But he wouldn't ask her out again and that would be that. He had made a deal with Min Jae about taking his sister on one date, so this was just him keeping his promise to a friend. He also told himself that he wouldn't be joining Min Jae on any outings that included his sister. Those were too dangerous. They led to him saying stupid things, like "Would you like to go to the movies?" Idiotic.

Saturday morning he was changing his clothes for the third time when he received a text from Eun Seo, "Sorry I won't be able to go to the movies today. Mom needed some last minute extra help at a kid's carnival being held at my church. I need to help run some of the games. Sorry to cancel so late. Maybe Min Jae would be free to go."

Han Gyul replied, "No problem, maybe some other time. Have fun with the kids."

Then he sat down dejected. He had been looking forward to and dreading Saturday all week. This was a disappointment but not really a surprise. He had thought that cold-hearted Eun Seo would drop him for almost any reason. He had never been in such a low standing in any of his relationships thus far. He took it as a matter of course that people did not cancel on him to do other things, or prioritize other things over him. Really, this girl had some nerve.

Han Gyul was bored as well as perturbed. He found himself looking up the address of the church. Since he had his plans cancelled, it occurred to him that maybe he could help at the kids' program.

Sung Ho was the first to notice Han Gyul standing awkwardly at the entrance to the church. Most of the kids were in their respective classes, but Sung Ho had taken an especially rowdy youngster out of his class to get a drink of water and give him a chance to calm down enough to pay attention and participate. Sung Ho walked over to Han Gyul to find out why he was there.

"I came to see if I can be of any help. Eun Seo said that her mom needed help with the kids' day program."

"Eun Seo asked you to help?" Sung Ho was not good at disguising the disbelief in his voice.

"Well, she didn't exactly ask for help, she just told me that she was needed here to help, so I thought I would see if I could help out as well."

Sung Ho began to explain to Han Gyul that you needed to be a member of the church and needed to have gone through a training program before being allowed to work in children's programs, when Eun Seo entered the hall way. She had a toddler on her hip and a slightly older girl in tow. They were on their way to the restroom. Eun Seo was smiling at her young charges and her obvious enjoyment of being with the children made the pretty young girl seem even prettier. Han Gyul felt his chest tighten. He wanted to bring that kind of smile to Eun Seo's face. He wanted to hold that hand. Ready or not, he realized he wanted to be with Eun Seo. The realization was immediate and overwhelming. Han Gyul wanted to escape to where he could think, so he turned to Sung Ho, "Okay, seems like I don't qualify to help out. That makes sense, the parents would want to know who it was that was working with their kids. So, I'll get going. See ya around."

Han Gyul walked quickly towards the door. He was hoping to make his exit before Eun Seo saw him. He did not want to explain to her why he was there. He was just opening the door when he heard her call his name.

"Han Gyul?"

Slowly, he turned around. He noticed she had a smudge on her blouse where some sticky child's hand had used it like a napkin. He noticed some hair had fallen out of her ponytail. He noticed the question in her black eyes. He noticed everything.

"What are you doing here?"

"I came to see you." Han Gyul didn't even try to sound cool. Eun Seo was taken aback at his reply. Han Gyul had come to the church to see her?

"You cancelled our movie, so I decided to come and see you here."

"Oh..." Eun Seo was a bit shocked. She did not think of Han Gyul as the stalker type. The toddler on her hip was trying to wiggle out of her arms.

"Ummm...I...ummm...I need to get these two back to class and I'm sort of busy here until seven tonight."

"Shall I come back and pick you up then?" Han Gyul persisted.

"I can't. My family is having a family dinner to celebrate Dad's coming home from the hospital. I'm sorry." Eun Seo added the apology when she saw how dejected he looked.

"That's okay. I'm glad your father is coming home."

"Thanks for stopping by, sorry to have to cancel on you today. Bye." Eun Seo was moving away from Han Gyul as she spoke. She needed to return her charges to their classes.

Han Gyul left the church and went for a walk. He wanted to think. He had always been quite purposeful in his approach to life. He took his life goals seriously. He was not one to sacrifice his own good for the good of others. He took it as par for the course that others made adaptations and sacrifices for him. Han Gyul was going to be a doctor. A great doctor. Not the kind of great doctor that saved starving children in Africa, but the kind that was famous for their skill and made lots of money. He was going to be all that his father wasn't. No one was going to look down on him.

So what was he doing thinking about Eun Seo? What were her goals? He wasn't sure, but he imagined they didn't really line up with his. She probably wanted to grow up to work with kids, maybe adopt orphans, or help the elderly. She probably wanted to protest against injustice. For all he knew, she could be the type that wanted to wander the world and make sure villages in developing countries had clean drinking water. She didn't seem to care if she was fashionably dressed, or about the latest and greatest phone. She didn't even seem to care if Han Gyul talked to her or not. And that was what bothered Han Gyul the most. What was it about him that made it so easy for Eun Seo to disregard him?

Eun Seo was the first girl that made him question who he was. He had always considered himself above average in every category. Being a nice guy was not a category he had ever given serious consideration to. From the little he knew of Sung Ho, he knew that he was, legitimately, one of those nice guys. A guy that happily helped out at kids' days and old folks' homes. A guy that cared about others. A guy that Eun Seo would look up to. While Han Gyul might point out he had more money, a higher class standing, and a better future as a medical doctor, somehow he knew that none of that even qualified him for consideration. For the first time ever, Han Gyul could sympathize with the feeling of being less than what other people expected you to be. It was not a good feeling.

Han Gyul was used to succeeding. Whatever he set his mind to, he achieved. Would a do-gooder girlfriend be so bad? Her family had many connections through her father's church. She would round out his reputation. A humanitarian connection could be useful for a doctor. Han Gyul's mind was trying to reason out what his heart already knew. He didn't have much choice in this matter. The feisty but good-hearted girl had captured more than his attention. He was disturbed to admit to himself that she had captured his heart.

# Chapter 5

Han Gyul was bright and early for the service at Faith Baptist Church on Sunday. Min Jae met him at the entrance of the church and guided him to a seat near the front of the congregation. Han Gyul asked where Eun Seo was. Min Jae let him know that Eun Seo was at the hospital. One of the kids from the congregation had fallen that morning and broken his arm.

Han Gyul mentally sighed. It was going to be more difficult than he had thought to get some of Eun Seo's attention.

Han Gyul found himself enjoying the service more than he had expected to. He was not a churchgoer, so he found some of the things that went on in the service strange. He felt awkward while they sang and he was unsure of what to do when a gold-plated dish with red velvet in the bottom passed down the aisle. He noticed people putting money in the plate. He felt the most out of place when the person facilitating the service welcomed everyone who was there for the first time. He, along with the other first-timers, was asked to stand, and the congregation applauded their welcome. Other than these awkward moments, he found he enjoyed the service, especially the sermon. It was a talk about the importance of forgiveness. Eun Seo's father was not back to preaching yet, so it was a different pastor that gave the talk. He spoke about the need to forgive yourself for your faults and the importance of forgiving others their faults and reminded the congregation that God forgives people for their wrong doings. Han Gyul was intellectually challenged by the concept. He was not a forgiving person. He did not forgive himself for having shortcomings and he certainly did not accept or tolerate the shortcomings of others. He had concluded that that was a reasonable way to approach life. He felt that his intolerance of shortcomings in himself helped him to be an overachiever and his high expectations of others made it impossible for him to be taken advantage of. No one had challenged him to think otherwise. No one had ever mentioned the freedom that came when one was able to forgive themselves and others.

Han Gyul was not ready to change his approach to life, but still, the idea intrigued him and he wondered if this was how Eun Seo approached life. Was this the reason she could be so unique? Did she not feel the need to push herself to be perfect? Did she not feel compelled to demand perfection of others in her life?

Min Jae asked Han Gyul out to lunch after the service, Sung Ho joined them and later Eun Seo came to join as well.

"How is Do Woo?" Sung Ho asked.

"He will be in a cast for at least six weeks," Eun Seo answered.

"How did it happen?"

"He was riding his bike and fell off. He put his arm out to break his fall. He just landed on it wrong."

"While I was at the hospital, Do Woo's dad told me the story about how he and his wife got married. He was only 19 years old when he got his girlfriend pregnant. His dad had been an elder at church. Both families ended up leaving the church. He said it has been really hard. That once their friends and family found out about the pregnancy, they just ignored them. It was the most scary and painful time in their lives and they felt like total outcasts. I asked him what would he do, if somebody he knew was in the same situation, how would he help? He said, 'I'd tell them not to worry. That it would all be okay. That though it seems like the end of the world, it doesn't need to be.'

"He said they have made new friends, and things are better now, all these years later, but it was hard to really get over the rough beginning. I thought the whole thing was so sad, and I have no clue why he decided to share such a personal story with me, except I guess he knows that I love Do Woo no matter what."

"Don't you think that if you make bad choices, you should have to live with the negative consequences?" Han Gyul asked.

"No doubt you have to live with the consequences, but that doesn't mean society should make the consequences more severe than necessary. I think people who are intolerant of mistakes are bound to learn tolerance the hard way. There is no one who doesn't make mistakes and thinking that you can go through life perfectly is just prideful," Sung Ho countered.

"I see no correlation between looking down on the poor judgement of others and the possibility of making bad choices yourself." Han Gyul was not following Sung Ho's logic.

"It's the good 'old pride cometh before a fall' principle," Min Jae tried to help his friend out. "If a person thinks he is above making mistakes, it is pretty certain that he is setting himself up to make a big one."

"I don't know," Eun Seo ventured. "I think I'm with Han Gyul on this one. There are some things I just can't ever see myself doing, no matter what. I think certain people really are just not as prone to bad judgement as others. And if I did do something incredibly stupid, I don't think I could ever forgive myself."

"Oh my dear sister, don't let Dad hear you talk that way. You know he always says 'there, but for the grace of God, go I.' Any one of us are capable of anything. Just because you haven't done something doesn't mean you couldn't. Live humbly little sister, you can make mistakes just like everybody else can." Min Jae gently chided his ever proud little do-gooder.

"I think if I did something like that, I would find it hard to even live, let alone ever be happy again." Eun Seo was thinking out loud.

"I think if people own up to their mistakes, there is no reason not to be happy. Isn't that what forgiveness is for. Isn't there supposed to be life after mistakes?" Sung Ho replied.

The conversation took a turn towards happier subjects with an interjection from Min Jae and Sung Ho and Eun Seo kept up a lively conversation mostly about kids who Han Gyul knew nothing about. Once again, he felt himself an outsider. How could he break into a relationship that started when these two were just babies? When Han Gyul had first met Sung Ho, he had dismissed the tall youth as someone not worth bothering about, but the more he observed Sung Ho's interactions with Eun Seo, the more he was bothered by their longstanding friendship.

Han Gyul needed to think of a way to get Eun Seo's attention. He had never had to work to get a girl's attention. And he was quite sure the normal tactics wouldn't work with Eun Seo. He needed to show he was a good guy. A sudden idea struck him.

He blurted out, "There is a blood drive at my school this week. Most of the medical students are helping out. We could also use people to pass out juice and help with the paperwork. Would you like to help?"

Eun Seo was surprised to hear Han Gyul was involved in a blood drive. Maybe she had misjudged him. "Sure. What days?"

"The drive is Thursday and Friday, it starts at 3 o'clock."

"Okay."

Min Jae was staring at his lab partner. He had asked Han Gyul to help at the blood drive, but he had refused. But now he was recruiting his sister to get involved. Min Jae had a mixed reaction. As a guy, he was impressed by Han Gyul's tactical expertise. But as a brother, he was not at all happy to see his sister as part of the game.

The blood drive was the first in a series of small but persistent changes in Han Gyul's life. In addition to his life as a medical student, he found himself involved in a fundraiser to install clean wells in Africa. Then it was a charity walk to support medical research for stroke patients. Then he was helping Eun Seo tutor disadvantaged children in science and math. Most Sundays found him dutifully sitting amongst the congregation of Faith Baptist Church. Although it was strange, it was not unpleasant. At times, when he let himself think about it, he felt that he was being deceptive. The only reason he was interested in such things was because Eun Seo was interested in such things and he was interested in Eun Seo.

Eun Seo was astonished at Han Gyul. When she first met him, she had thought he was a self-centered individual whose only goal in life was to please himself. At first, she thought he was faking his interest in church and social activism. But for the last six months, he was involved in most of the projects she got involved in. Was Han Gyul actually sincere? Had she misjudged him?

Another thing about Han Gyul was that he made Eun Seo nervous. It was not a bad feeling, more of a curious and tense feeling. He watched her intently, he seemed to always know what she was doing and who she was doing it with. She also sensed a strange hunger in him. Eun Seo was naturally sympathetic. She felt a kind of pity towards the highly talented Han Gyul. If she could, she felt that she wanted to be what Han Gyul seemed to need. The inexperienced Eun Seo did not identify the hunger in Han Gyul as the smoldering passion that it was. Neither did she know that her own propensity to meet the needs of others was not always a good trait. Eun Seo was overly confident in her relationships with people. Up to this point in her life, no one had systematically tried to deceive her for their own benefit. Eun Seo loved people as she was. She did not try to change who she was just to be more acceptable to others. Her father, her brothers, and Sung Ho's constant support was enough to give her the confidence to be herself. At this point in her life, she did not realize that most don't have that confidence.

One Sunday, a special speaker was visiting the church. There was a special evening service planned, and Min Jae, Sung Ho and Han Gyul were waiting in a classroom for the service to start. Min Jae and Sung Ho left early to greet the arriving congregants while Han Gyul decided to catch a few moments of sleep before the start of the service.

The service was just about to start and Han Gyul had not yet arrived at his saved seat.

"Where is he?" Eun Seo asked Min Jae.

"We left him sleeping in classroom 7."

Eun Seo slipped out of the service to awaken the sleeping Han Gyul. Han Gyul was fast asleep, laying on top of the kindergarten tables. Eun Seo went and took a dry erase marker from the tray of the white board and snuck up on her sleeping victim. She had intended to give him a moustache, but as she neared his face to make the first stroke, he reached out and grabbed her arm. Eun Seo made a slight scream and ran for the door. Han Gyul blocked her exit with his arm holding the door. Eun Seo ducked her head and whispered her plea "Don't hurt me," she squeaked.

Han Gyul smiled, and used his other hand to bend her face up. He looked long and deep into her eyes and said, "I would never hurt you."

Then he kissed her.

Eun Seo was in total shock after her first kiss. She turned and fled to the auditorium. Her face was flushed, but her brother asked her no questions, as the service was about to begin. Eun Seo didn't hear anything the much-anticipated speaker said. She had been kissed. A real kiss. An 'I love you' kind of kiss. She was almost happy. But at the same time her mind raced with other thoughts. She'd been kissed in church. Did anyone see? What would her dad say? Min Jae? Sung Ho? What had she gotten herself into? Was this a time to laugh or cry? She wasn't sure.

Soon, Han Gyul joined them. He wore a big smile. Eun Seo was quite sure that he was not wondering if what had happened was a good thing or not.

# Chapter 6

Eun Seo was confused. Her first kiss had not led to what she had always thought first kisses led to. She had expected that Han Gyul would want to talk with her parents or make some other official move for them to become a "couple," but he didn't. She thought he would make some official declaration of his feelings for her. But he didn't. Still, he was attentive.

Han Gyul constantly made it clear that he was physically attracted to her. He often tried to hold her hand as they took walks, or slip his arm around her as they sat on the bench at the park. He had a most unnerving habit of touching her hair if ever he got the chance.

It was not that Eun Seo was averse to this, it just seemed out of order. Who holds the hands of girls that you aren't officially dating? Eun Seo had been warned of playboys and she was beginning to suspect that this lack of official commitment coupled with the push for closer contact was proving Han Gyul to be the type of guy that mothers warn their daughters about.

Eun Seo did not have much time to ponder if Han Gyul was playing around with her or not. Sung Ho had asked her last week to spend the whole of Saturday with her. They were going to the amusement park. She was looking forward to this rare special outing with her friend.

Sung Ho had been hiding a secret from his lifelong best friend. He was leaving for the army soon. He had known for months now, and his greatest concern was telling Eun Seo. He knew of many guys that get nervous about their girls right before they leave. They usually try and get some promise of devotion. That their girl would stay true until their time in the service was over. But Sung Ho was not that kind of guy and he and Eun Seo were not in that kind of relationship. Sung Ho had semi-secretly been in love with Eun Seo for as long as he could remember. But he had never made any type of confession to her and now that he was leaving, it seemed unfair for him to do so.

When Sung Ho was honest with himself, he realized he was a little bit afraid of his dear friend. He knew he would not lose her as a friend, but he was not entirely sure that he could keep her as something more. He had seen his friends break up with their girlfriends. They never remained friends after a break-up. That was what held him back. Right now he held the most privileged status of being Eun Seo's best friend. And until he was sure if she returned his more romantic affection, he felt compelled to keep their relationship on the plain of childhood friends. Although he dreamed of something more, he was not willing to risk what he had.

Sung Ho arrived early, and they had plenty of time to get to the park before it opened. They spent the day riding rides and playing arcade games. Sung Ho won a pair of bears. They decided that Sung Ho would keep the girl bear, and name it Seo-i, because that was what he used to call Eun Seo when they were in kindergarten. Eun Seo kept the boy bear and named it Ho-i, for the same reason.

It was getting dark, and it was getting close to closing time when Sung Ho suggested they ride the Ferris wheel. Sung Ho sat across from Eun Seo and as the wheel lifted them high into the air he told Eun Seo he had something to tell her. Eun Seo wondered at the unusual seriousness of his tone.

"What is it?"

Sung Ho took a deep breath and blurted, "I'm going to the army."

Eun Seo knew this would happen at some point. It happened to everybody. She was still surprised that it was happening now.

"When do you leave?" She tried to sound brave and casual.

"Next Wednesday"

"What?! So soon? Then you must have known for months. Why didn't you tell me?"

"I tried...several times actually. I told myself that I would tell you the next chance I got and then it never seemed the right moment. Then your dad had his heart attack and you were so worried and busy with him. And you started seeing Han Gyul...." Sung Ho's excuses sounded hollow even to himself.

"Han Gyul? You didn't tell me because of Han Gyul?"

"I don't know how you feel about him."

"How I feel about him? What does that have to do with anything? You are leaving on Wednesday, and you didn't tell me. How could you do that?" Eun Seo was earnestly upset now and very close to tears.

"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I just couldn't bring myself to say it. We have been together since before we can even remember. I don't know how to imagine life without you and I just couldn't bring myself to tell you. I tried, I just couldn't do it."

Eun Seo tried to calm herself. "Okay – I don't want to spend our time fighting. What did your mom say? Is she okay?"

"Yeah, she's okay. She says that the time will pass quickly." Sung Ho tried to sound cheerful.

"I feel bad. I would have been nicer to you these last months if I knew you were leaving."

Sung Ho smiled. "I know. That was another reason why I didn't want to tell you. I did not want you acting weird, like I had cancer or something. I am just going into the army. Every guy does this. It is no big deal. And that's why I wanted to spend today with you. Just you and me. I wanted to say goodbye today, it will be awkward at the bus station with mom and dad and other church people. In fact I was going to ask you not to come. I want to leave happy, but I don't think I can if you are there."

The Ferris wheel stopped to let them out of their car and Sung Ho and Eun Seo walked in companionable silence. Eun Seo was trying desperately to comprehend what she had just heard. Sung Ho was leaving. Eun Seo's older brothers had left her to go to college. She knew what it was like to go from seeing them daily to seeing them much more infrequently. She had known this would happen, but somehow, now that it was here, it seemed hard to accept.

They had walked for a long way when Sung Ho asked, "Are you okay?"

"No," Eun Seo replied stubbornly.

"I don't want to leave you. I have to."

"I know. But it doesn't make it any easier to be left."

Sung Ho sighed. This was why he had not told her. He knew she would be hurt, but it was a hurt he couldn't prevent.

Eun Seo realized she wasn't making things easy for Sung Ho. She knew he was not looking forward to leaving his family and friends either. She decided she had better cheer up and be the support Sung Ho needed.

"Are you worried about anything? Are you all set to go?"

"I'm ready. The only thing I'm worried about is that you will forget me while I'm gone."

It was dark and Eun Seo could not clearly see Sung Ho's face, but she thought he seemed close to tears. She moved close and took his hand.

"Ho-i, can you forget me? I don't think so. I won't forget you either."

"A lot of things can change in two years."

"Yes, many things may change in these next two years, but forgetting each other is not something either one of us would do."

Sung Ho reached out and hugged his Eun Seo. She was tiny against his tall frame. He had not asked her to wait for him. He had not told her he loved her. That would have been unfair. He would need to be content with the fact that she had promised not to forget him.

# Chapter 7

Eun Seo didn't sleep well. Most of the night she was thinking about Sung Ho's imminent departure and some of the night she found herself wondering what Han Gyul was really up to. It was after four in the morning when she fell into a fitful sleep, and when her mother came to wake her, Eun Seo was feeling sick.

"I can't go to church, Mom, I think I'm sick."

Eun Seo's mother put her hand to her forehead and confirmed a fever.

"Okay, you stay and rest. I will bring you some medicine and soup. Maybe you rode too many of those bumpy rides yesterday."

Eun Seo was not sure how riding carnival rides could make one get a fever, but she was too tired and sick to spend much mental energy on the idea.

Sung Ho stopped by after church to visit. He had brought a small bunch of flowers from his mother's garden. He placed them on the table beside Eun Seo's bed and reached out to touch her forehead.

"Are you faking? Staying away from church because you are mad at me. You don't have a fever." Sung Ho teased.

Eun Seo smiled, "I had a fever, but I took some fever reducer. I wanted to see you at church. This was our last Sunday."

"This was not our last Sunday. It is just our last Sunday for a while." Sung Ho gently corrected his sick friend.

Eun Seo and Sung Ho chatted about nothing in particular. Neither one was willing to part. Their time together was altogether too limited. They were laughing about some distant memory when Eun Seo's mother interrupted them. Behind her was Han Gyul.

Han Gyul had heard that Eun Seo was sick and had wanted to visit. When he had arrived at the house, Eun Seo's mom had tried to send him away, saying Eun Seo needed rest. But Han Gyul had noticed Sung Ho's motorcycle.

"Is Sung Ho here?" Han Gyul had asked.

"Yes. He wanted to check on his Eun Seo," Eun Seo's mother replied.

Han Gyul wondered at the possessive _his_ referring to Sung Ho. Han Gyul thought of Eun Seo as _his_ , in reference to himself. But it seemed that he was still a few steps behind this childhood buddy.

"I won't stay long, I just want to see that she is all right."

Han Gyul was, as usual, annoyed to see the two friends so comfortable and happy together. His annoyance erased any real feelings of concern for Eun Seo and her illness. He just wanted to let Sung Ho know his place.

Eun Seo was in no mood to see Han Gyul. Han Gyul confused her. His manner demanded a closeness and loyalty she didn't feel. And in this precious little time she had left with Sung Ho, he seemed an interruption. Her fever was coming back and her head hurt. She turned away from both her visitors and asked them to leave so she could get some rest.

Sung Ho said he would come back tomorrow to check on her. Han Gyul said he hoped she would get better soon, and they both left her to get some sleep. Han Gyul annoyed Sung Ho. Sung Ho had no reason to like the pretty boy who seemed to act like something he wasn't. He was not sure what he was doing playing with his Eun Seo. Sung Ho was waiting for him to get tired of the game. He knew his Eun Seo well enough to know that no vain, self-centered kind of guy could win her heart. Sung Ho was surprised he had lasted this long. Sung Ho was waiting patiently for Eun Seo to discover what he already knew. Han Gyul could only truly love one person in this world, and that person was himself.

Years later Sung Ho regretted not making a confession of his love for Eun Seo before he left. He regretted not making Eun Seo promise to wait for him. He knew if he had asked her to, she would have said yes, even if it was only for the sake of their friendship. If he had known what was going to happen, he would have done anything to prevent it. But he didn't know. He couldn't have known. He felt he was doing the honorable thing by leaving Eun Seo free to do as she saw fit while he was away. He had prayed long and hard about his relationship with Eun Seo. He felt he was doing the right thing.

When Wednesday came, more than two dozen people gathered at the bus station to see Sung Ho off. Amongst the large group of family and friends was the red-eyed Eun Seo. Eun Seo had coached herself all morning to smile and wave and be cheerful when she said her goodbyes along with the rest of Sung Ho's friends. Eun Seo had done pretty well until she saw her Sung Ho with his military-style haircut. Suddenly it was real. He wasn't going away on a holiday, he was going away for a long time and she was not going with him.

They had done everything together. They had gone to nursery school together. Then elementary and high school. They had grown up in the church together. It was impossible for Eun Seo to think about what life would be like without him.

Sung Ho tried not to look at Eun Seo. He hugged his grandmother, and parents. He shook hands with Eun Seo's father. He tried not to stare at his friend in her misery, but no matter how hard he tried not to look, his eyes would find themselves seeking the depth of sadness he had never before seen in his friend's face.

When it was finally time to board the bus and the final round of goodbyes were said, Sung Ho turned and walked towards the bus to board. The small crowd followed at a distance waving and shouting out final farewells. Sung Ho turned one last time and caught a glimpse of Eun Seo. Her small frame was almost hidden behind her father. He saw her smile even as he noticed the tears coming down her face. Their eyes locked. He left the steps of the bus and ran to her and picked her up in a hug. Then he turned and ran back onto the bus.

Eun Seo's mother came and held her. "He'll be back before you know it. It will be good for you both to be apart for a while. You'll appreciate each other more that way."

Eun Seo let herself be comforted, but deep down she knew she didn't need to be separated from Sung Ho to appreciate him. She had always appreciated him.

# Chapter 8

Han Gyul was glad that Sung Ho was not an ever-present part of Eun Seo's life anymore. Without her buddy around, Eun Seo seemed more agreeable to the outings he suggested and less standoffish.

In truth, Eun Seo was lonely. Horribly lonely. She had not really known this kind of loneliness before. When she was young, she had her two older brothers as well as Sung Ho to give her plenty of attention. She had her other friends from church as well. But she had not realized that it was not so much the entire group of people she called family and friends that had kept her from loneliness, but more, it was always her childhood soulmate, Sung Ho, who made her feel like she was never alone. She didn't allow herself to admit that she was going out with Han Gyul partly to fill the gaping hole that Sung Ho had left.

Han Gyul began looking at Eun Seo with an increasing level of critique. It used to amuse him greatly when he was able to get the slightest attention out of her. But now that he sensed in her a need for him and his presence, he was ready to make the most of his opportunity. He originally found her a very pretty girl, although considerably unfashionable compared to himself. He at first considered her unfashionable attire part of her charm, but now, he made derogatory comments regarding her appearance. He didn't want her shabbiness or lack of attention to her wardrobe to reflect badly on him.

He started slowly, with suggestions that she would look more feminine if she wore stylish, fitted dresses. He mentioned that she should consider a new hairstyle. That a little more makeup could brighten her features. At first Eun Seo was hurt by his criticism. She wanted him to like the way she dressed, but she didn't want to change who she was in order to dress a certain way. Quite often, she was taking care of children or working in the house. She was not a doll, she was a person. At first, she tried to explain why she did not have time to put on her makeup or get her hair styled. She argued that she did not think it was right to waste money on clothes. But she soon gave up. Whenever she said something that even slightly contradicted Han Gyul, Han Gyul would go to great lengths to prove how right he was. And if he couldn't prove he was right (often, he couldn't) he would sulk.

One Sunday, Han Gyul heard a sermon about the story of the creation of women. He learned that according to the teachings of Christianity, women were made to help men. That in the beginning, God had first made man, but then God found out that the animals weren't enough to serve man. Man also needed a woman to serve him. He also learned that women were commanded to respect their husbands and obey them. Han Gyul had a most intellectually stimulating time at church that Sunday. Though his mother had warned him against dating a Christian girl, he felt his mother was not wise in this warning—Christian girls knew that in order to obey God, they had to obey the man they were married too. How perfect! He left the service thinking that in his quest to improve Eun Seo to meet his standards, even God was on his side.

Han Gyul was quite attentive to Eun Seo. He called her daily. He would ask about her day and when she would say things like she visited the old folks' home with her mother, then Han Gyul would chide her for wasting her time and scold her for not making it a priority for getting a new outfit for their outing to his high school reunion on Saturday. If she would tell him she had spent a few hours studying Chinese, he would comment that English was a better choice for her as a foreign language. Eun Seo soon stopped sharing about her day and instead she would ask about his.

Eun Seo was confused about her relationship with Han Gyul. At times she thought she might like him. He was an impressive person, and once in a while he seemed thoughtful, though his thoughtfulness often seemed calculated. Once, he took her to an expensive restaurant. Eun Seo thought it was because he was trying to impress her and show how much he cared about her. But while they were there, they ran into the CEO of the hospital where Han Gyul hoped to get his internship. Eun Seo later learned that the restaurant was operated by the wife of the CEO. Han Gyul had visited in the interest of building connections. Eun Seo would not have minded if he told her the reason. But she didn't like it that he always talked as if he was doing something just for her, when it was really something for himself.

Besides his impressive accomplishments and occasional moments of thoughtfulness, Han Gyul also seemed more than a little obsessed with Eun Seo. He seemed to always know what she was doing and who she was doing it with. It was obvious that he thought about her all the time. At this time in Eun Seo's life, she thought obsession was a sign of sincerity. She thought that you would have to really love someone to think of them all the time. She thought it was odd but sweet. The 19 year old young woman never saw it as what it really was, a narcissistic desire for control.

Another thing that drew Eun Seo to Han Gyul was his open and expressed desire for her. Eun Seo was too young to know that passion often has nothing to do with love. She knew Sung Ho loved her sincerely and deeply, yet he had never once even tried to kiss her. But Han Gyul must love her with an even greater depth because he could hardly keep his hands off her. He had a way of looking at her that scared and thrilled her at the same time. Eun Seo kept him mostly at arm's length, but that was not because he didn't try. Eun Seo could feel a longing and a demand in his touch. Surely that only happens when one is deeply in love, or so thought Eun Seo.

The final thing that drew Eun Seo to Han Gyul was pity. She would not have been able to label it as pity in the early days. Han Gyul was too much of a catch for anyone to pity. But the more Eun Seo got to know him, the sorrier she felt for him. Han Gyul was not a happy person. He was never, not for a single day, truly happy. He was never content. He was always striving and never satisfied. The compassionate Eun Seo wanted to reach out to him in his striving and tell him he was good enough. He was worthy of love just the way he was. He did not need to earn others' affections and more than that, through all his striving, he'd never be able to earn any real affection from others. Han Gyul had never realized that affection is a gift. Eun Seo thought that she had something to offer that would fill the hole Han Gyul didn't realize he had. In her youthful zeal, she thought that everyone could learn and change and grow.

# Chapter 9

Eun Seo was helping her mother make dinner when the phone rang, it was Han Gyul. He was upset, and, although he tried to keep his voice steady, it sounded like he was crying. He wanted Eun Seo to come and see him at his parents' house. Eun Seo rushed over to see what the matter was.

Han Gyul had had his heart set on having his internship at Greenview Hospital in Seoul. If he got that internship, his future would have been settled. Han Guyl had thought he would be nearly a guaranteed top choice. But he had been overlooked. The spot had gone to the nephew of the CEO of the hospital. Han Gyul was his classmate. Han Gyul was higher in class standing, and he knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that he would make the better doctor. Nothing about what had happened was fair.

Han Gyul had been drinking before Eun Seo arrived. Han Gyul normally didn't drink. But his parents were out of town for the weekend and he had helped himself first to his father's soju and then to the scotch.

Eun Seo was scared of Han Gyul in his drunken and angry state. After listening to him rant about the injustice and blaming his parents for not having the necessary connections to help him, he looked at Eun Seo. Here was his helpmate. His comforter. The one that God had sent to help him. He knew the help he wanted and he reached for her.

The naturally compassionate Eun Seo wanted to comfort him. She did not resist his advances. It seemed that he needed her in this difficult time. Though she felt it was wrong to give him what he wanted, it also seemed wrong not give it.

Later, Eun Seo tried to get to her room without being seen by her parents. She waited until she was sure her mother would not check on her any more that night and then she cried alone in her room. She thought herself a very stupid girl. How could she have been so stupid? Eun Seo felt guilty and dirty. She felt angry at Han Gyul. Why was he so needy? Sung Ho, her true friend, would have never used her to comfort himself. Eun Seo felt so ashamed. It really was her fault. She blamed herself for the times she had enjoyed his company and how she had felt flattered by his attention. She blamed herself for allowing him to kiss her. She must have led him on. The nearly 20 year old girl felt her life was over.

Eun Seo cried long into the night. She tried to think, but mostly she just cried. Normally, when she was worried or upset, she would pray, and then she would feel peaceful. But how could she pray now? In God's eyes, what was she? Would she have to get married for real now? Or had she committed a sin that she could not make right, even if she married him? Would Han Gyul even marry her or had he just wanted to use her?

Eun Seo felt sick. She needed to calm down. She needed to think. She needed to know what to do.

Han Gyul woke the next day with a splitting headache. Yesterday was a blur, but he remembered that he had not gotten his internship. He remembered Eun Seo had come to visit. He thought he remembered kissing her. Then he didn't remember anything.

He dressed and went to school. He felt sick to his stomach. Later that day the gossip around the lunch table was about Woo Jin. Woo Jin's girlfriend was pregnant. They would be married later that month. Woo Jin was going to have to leave medical school to support his new family.

"I would never do that," Han Gyul coolly stated.

"What? You wouldn't marry a girl if you got her pregnant?" Min Jae could not quite believe his ears.

"No. I wouldn't ruin my life over a girl. She could get rid of it, or have it and give it to an orphanage, but I think guys are crazy to give up their lives just because of a mistake."

The other medical students around the table looked at Han Gyul with disdain.

"A real man takes responsibility for his actions," Min Jae countered.

"A real man is not a sucker. You can give her some money, split the cost. But paying with your life? No way."

"What if you loved her?" a fellow classmate asked.

Han Gyul paused a moment, "I wouldn't do it, even if I loved her. Because in the end, if she got in my way, I don't think I would love her for very long."

Min Jae stared hard at Han Gyul. He knew Han Gyul had been dating his sister. He was going to let Eun Seo know right away that he thought she ought to stay away from Han Gyul.

Right after lunch was over Min Jae called Eun Seo and told her about the lunch time conversation.

"Sis, you've got to dump him. He does not think straight," Min Jae admonished.

"Maybe he is just talking. You don't know what he would do if it actually happened. People say lots of stuff they don't mean." Eun Seo tried to convince herself as well as her brother.

"No Eun Seo, he means it. He only thinks about himself. You had better get out while you can. He is not the right guy for you."

"Maybe he is" Eun Seo was trying to hide the tremor in her voice.

"No, he isn't. You deserve someone who would always put you and your future kids first. I didn't see it before but Han Gyul is a highly-educated first-class jerk. If you don't dump him, I think I might have to beat him up."

Eun Seo would have normally laughed at her protective brother. But today she secretly wished she dared to ask him to go beat Han Gyul up. She wanted him to. She wanted someone to protect her. But she couldn't say anything.

"Don't worry about Han Gyul. He's fine. You must have caught him on a bad day." Eun Seo was hoping to pacify her brother.

"Listen to me Eun Seo. I hope you never see Han Gyul again."

# Chapter 10

Eun Seo needed to think. Last week, her aunt had invited her to come and visit during the school break. That morning Eun Seo asked her mom if she could go. Two days later, Eun Seo was on a bus to the country village where her aunt and uncle lived with her two younger cousins.

Eun Seo's phone had 25 text messages and 9 missed calls from Han Gyul. The day after Eun Seo had left for the country, Han Gyul stopped by her house. Eun Seo's mom explained that Eun Seo would be gone for about a month. Han Gyul asked if she had lost her phone or if it was broken. Eun Seo's mom was surprised at that question as well.

"As far as I know, her phone is working fine. I got a text that she arrived at her aunt's place."

Han Gyul said goodbye and walked slowly to his car. Eun Seo had left for a month without saying anything to him? She was not answering his calls or replying to his texts. Why? He tried to remember what he had said and done on the day he'd received the bad news about his internship. He remembered bits and pieces. Enough to make him think he had not been the perfect gentlemen. He was not entirely sure what happened and he wanted to talk to Eun Seo and find out. He was pretty sure that he had a few things that he needed to apologize for. But how could he apologize if she wouldn't even pick up his calls?

Han Gyul only knew two people who could help him find out how to get Eun Seo to talk to him. One was Min Jae. Han Gyul had noticed a coldness in their relationship lately. And he was Eun Seo's brother. Given anything a little bit wrong in their relationship, Min Jae would take Eun Seo's side. The other person who would have a way to get a hold of her would be Sung Ho. Han Gyul was not about to let Sung Ho know that there was a problem in their relationship—even if he know how to get ahold of him during his military training.

Han Gyul wrote a long apology in a text. At least she would see it. She would probably calm down if he just waited this storm out. He knew that Eun Seo could be quite cold when she chose to be. He wished now that he had made their relationship more official. He wished he had already talked to her parents and that he had given her a couples' ring. He had not wanted to commit too soon, but her disappearance made him very uneasy. When she came back, he would make their relationship official so she could not so easily get away with this kind of behavior.

Eun Seo was enjoying her time with her cousins. She enjoyed being outside and taking long walks in the nearby woods that surrounded her uncle's farm. One morning, she took a notebook with her on her walk. She took a lunch with her. She planned to stay outside until she reached some conclusions.

Eun Seo thought she was pregnant. She didn't have much reason to think so. Not enough time had gone by for her to have missed her cycle. She just had a feeling. Somehow, she thought that God would not let her off so easy. She had made a big mistake and she knew that God would not let it slide.

Eun Seo sat under a tree in the solitude of the forest and began her list of musts:

_She_ _must not_ _shame her family._

_She_ _must_ _take care of her child._

_She_ _must not_ _make herself and her child a burden to Han Gyul._

_Han Gyul_ _must_ _be free to have the life he wanted._

Then Eun Seo made a list of options:

Suicide.

This would harm her child. This would shame her family. Plus, she didn't want to die.

Eun Seo crossed it off the list.

Suicide.

She continued.

Get married.

This would be a surprise to her family, but they would understand and get over it eventually. This would ruin Han Gyul's plans. He wasn't going to get married until after his internship. Even if Eun Seo could talk him into it, which she wasn't sure she could, her pride would not allow both her and her child to be Han Gyul's lifelong mistake.

Eun Seo took a short mental break from her list and thought about Han Gyul. Besides feeling very hurt and afraid, Eun Seo was sad. In the last few days she had come to a depressing realization. At first she had felt deceived and manipulated by Han Gyul. But in reality, she needed to take responsibility for her own feelings and actions. The longer she thought about it, the more she realized, she honestly did love Han Gyul. With all his controlling idiosyncrasies, with all his self-centered mannerisms, with all his misplaced values, Eun Seo loved him. She loved him in spite of himself. She could not blame him for what happened, because deep down she knew she had wanted to comfort him in his disappointment. And what made Eun Seo even sadder was that she was pretty sure that Han Gyul really loved her as well. Maybe he wasn't aware of it yet, but Eun Seo knew what Han Gyul wasn't ready to admit. Eun Seo thought sadly that now maybe he would never get the chance to admit his love for her. Eun Seo had thought Han Gyul was a bit 'pitiful' before in that he didn't really know what actually mattered in life. And now she felt he was to be pitied indeed. He was going to lose the girl he loved (even if he didn't fully know he loved her) and he was going to lose the child he knew nothing about. And there wasn't anything Eun Seo could really do to prevent it. Because of Han Gyul's prejudice and rigid adherence to his plans for his life, he was going to lose what really mattered to him.

Eun Seo needed to stop feeling sorry for Han Gyul and return to solving the problem at hand.

She wrote down her next idea.

Run away.

That would bring shame to her family.

Eun Seo sighed. There really was no solution.

Eun Seo scolded herself as a tear ran down her cheek. She wasn't going to cry. She wasn't going to lose hope. She had to think. She looked back at her list.

Run away.

Was there a way she could do that and not shame her family?

She couldn't just disappear. Her family would find her. She would need a reason that they would understand—some way to prevent her family from looking for her.

Eun Seo remembered a story that her father had read to her at family devotions. It had been the testimony of a young pastor. Before the pastor had become a pastor, his family had wanted him to be an engineer. The young man had written a note to his family, saying that he had to honor the Lord, but he was struggling to do that because he loved his family so much, they were like an idol to him. He felt he had to leave them until he was sure that God had first place in his heart. It was seven years before the young man reunited with his family.

Eun Seo knew her father well. If she was going to succeed in leaving, the only reason that would make sense to him would have to have something to do with God.

Where would she run?

She had very little money and no education or work experience. And soon she would have a child to support. She knew her church had a support group for single moms. She imagined other churches would have something similar or at least be somehow willing to help. But the Christian community in Korea was too interconnected. If she went to a church for help, somehow it would get back to her father. There was only one denomination in which she might be safe. She would have to seek help from Catholics.

Eun Seo took a second to ponder what she was thinking. She was going to pin her reason for running away on God. She, a Protestant, was planning to join a Catholic church to get the help she would need. She had committed fornication and she was going to hide the existence of her child from its father. Last week she had thought she was a reasonably nice person. A role model and someone who volunteered to mentor younger teenagers. Now she wondered what layer of hell pastors' who lived such lives ended up in.

Eun Seo decided not to think about that. She couldn't get side-tracked. She was going down a road from which there was no return and she couldn't waste time regretting now. Maybe later she would reflect on her actions. But now she needed to make a plan.

Eun Seo had the beginning of a plan. She now worked on figuring out the details.

When she had it all scribbled into her notebook, she stopped to take a breath. Maybe, Eun Seo thought, maybe all this worry was in vain. Maybe she wasn't expecting. Maybe in a few days, she would get her cycle and laugh at all her absurd thinking and planning. Maybe. But deep down Eun Seo did not think God was that merciful.

# Chapter 11

_{Present Day}_

Hye Jin was up at 5:00 am. She would leave the house soon to join the morning prayers at church. But before she went to prayers, she knelt beside her bed and said the prayer that she prayed every day. The prayer that she was too embarrassed to pray at church. The prayer she prayed secretly at her bedside was for her son. Joo Won hated God. And he said he hated God because of her. Hye Jin had been a self-centered mother. She had been lonely when she was a young wife whose husband had paid her little attention. She had neglected her only son, Joo Won because her quest to feel wanted had kept her away from home more often than not. Housework and childcare had bored and frustrated her. Maybe if she had been encouraged, she could have done a better job. But the more her husband ignored her, the more she rebelled by neglecting her duties, the most important of which was raising her son.

These days, with her son fully grown and widowed for more than a decade, she saw the error of her ways. She wanted to make amends with her son, but he didn't need a mother now. And so, almost as if she were doing penance for the years she slept in instead of rising early to care for her son, she rose early and prayed every day. She prayed that God would send someone that could soften her son's hard heart. She prayed for someone that could show him what God's love was like. She prayed for someone who wouldn't fail to care for him, the way she had.

Eun Seo woke early and joined the prayers at 6:00 am. She felt the need to do anything possible to show her gratitude to the church for taking her in. A small group of elderly ladies had arrived at the church and the group prayed together for about an hour. In the group, Eun Seo noticed a lady watching her closely.

After the prayer meeting, this elderly lady approached and introduced herself to Eun Seo. "Hello, my name is Hye Jin. I live nearby with my father-in-law, Young Shik, and my son Joo Won. Father Park says you are looking for a place to work that has room and board. Well, last year I had a heart attack. I had a triple bypass and I am okay, but now, I can't seem to get done everything done in a day. I could use some help. I was wondering if you would be interested? "

"Yes, I am looking for work," Eun Seo replied hopefully.

"Well, I already have a house helper and a gardener. But I could use some help with my father-in-law and other chores. If it all works out, I could pay you a basic salary, plus room and board."

"When should I start?" Eun Seo was elated at the prospect of finding a place to work and live so soon.

"Well, if you are not busy, how about you come with me and see my house and meet my father-in-law and decide if that is where you would like to work," Hye Jin offered.

"That sounds great, but did, ummm, did Father Park tell you..." Eun Seo stuttered.

"That you are expecting, yes he did, you don't need to worry, you can handle your child and this job at the same time," Hye Jin reassured her.

"Are you sure it won't be a problem?" Eun Seo needed to be sure that both she and her child would be welcome.

"I'm not the kind of woman that can throw stones. We all have our own struggles. I think God put us on earth to help each other, not to judge each other." Hye Jin reassured the young girl.

Eun Seo wanted to cry with relief. Maybe her ridiculous plan would work. Maybe God had not abandoned her after all.

# Chapter 12

Hye Jin's home was close to the church. It was a large house with spacious gardens surrounding it. It looked like a peaceful and beautiful home.

As Hye Jin was about to open the door, she stopped and turned to Eun Seo.

"I need to tell you about my father-in-law before you meet him. He doesn't like strangers in the house. In fact, he doesn't like strangers at all. He only tolerates me and my son. We have to do everything for him, because if anyone else goes near him, he hollers and has a fit. He even bit one lady we had for a short while." Hye Jin seemed embarrassed as she tried to relate what kind of man her father-in-law was.

"So, I shouldn't go near him?" Eun Seo asked.

"No, I really need help with him. He is too much for me now. And my son is not always here to help me when I need it. My father-in-law is old fashioned. He thinks if it is a non-family member taking care of him, then he is being neglected. He has always wished my son would marry and have a family. I think the only way he would accept help from you was if he thought you were his granddaughter-in-law." Hye Jin seemed nervous as she suggested the admittedly preposterous idea.

"My father-in-law is 90 years old. I don't think he will be with us much longer. Maybe a year or two. He never goes farther than the garden. If he will believe that you are his granddaughter, then later he will think that the baby is his great-grandchild. I know it is wrong for me to ask you to lie. But I am really at my wits' end. Last week he fell and I asked the gardener to help me get him into bed and he chewed him out so harshly I had to give the man an extra weeks' pay to keep him from quitting. He is a lot stronger than he looks."

Eun Seo could see the Hye Jin was embarrassed to ask her to lie, and she also sensed desperation in her new employer. Eun Seo's current difficult situation gave her a new perspective on her previous strict interpretation of right and wrong. Impulsively, Eun Seo reached out and took Hye Jin's hand, "Mother-in-law, it will be my honor to help with Grandfather. I will do my best. You don't need to be shy to ask me to do what you need me to do."

Hye Jin felt close to tears. She had been praying for months about her father-in-law. Many evenings she had not been able to fall asleep because her body ached from meeting the physical needs of her father-in-law. She had really hated bothering Joo Won when she knew he had plenty to worry about running his construction company.

"Shouldn't we tell your son about your plan?" Eun Seo wondered about the man she was going to pretend to be married to.

"Yes. I just thought of it after Father Park asked me about a job for you. At first, I thought you could help me with some of my volunteer work and drive me around, because I don't drive much anymore and I wouldn't have to ask my son to take me everywhere. But when I saw you at prayers this morning, I thought about my father-in-law and how much he needs someone who can care for him properly. I thought maybe God had sent you to me."

Eun Seo smiled at that thought. She was quite sure God had nothing to do with the fact she happened to be where she was right now. God seemed far away to Eun Seo. But she didn't argue. Eun Seo smiled bravely at Hye Jin and said, "Let's go meet my grandfather."

Grandfather had been a tall, large man in his day. His bent frame still towered above the two women before him. Hye Jin proudly introduced his granddaughter to him. Though he was old, his mind was still clear.

"I don't have a granddaughter," came his surly reply.

"Yes, you do," Hye Jin replied. "Joo Won married her months ago without telling any of us, and now she is expecting your grandchild, so she is coming to live with us."

"Why didn't Joo Won tell anyone?"

"He didn't want his family scaring away the poor little thing. She quite a bit younger than our Joo Won and I think Joo Won thought she would run away once she saw how fierce you were. But now that they have a child, she can't run. So it is safe for him to bring her home.," Hye Jin stated confidently.

Eun Seo realized that the older woman had come up with a pretty remarkable story to tell. Grandfather eyed Eun Seo with suspicion. Had his grandson really gotten married without telling anyone? Well, he would not be all that surprised if he did. His grandson made it a point not to follow tradition or convention. He deliberately tried to go against his mother in just about every regard. But would his grandson have married this youngster? She looked like a teenager.

"How old are you?" Grandfather asked

"Twenty," Eun Seo replied, trying not to sound nervous.

"Twenty? Your parents let you get married so young?" Grandfather openly showed his disbelief.

Eun Seo had already decided that the best way to explain herself was to deny having a past or a family.

"My parents have both passed away and I have no siblings," Eun Seo lied. She wondered how many lies she would be telling in the future.

"You are all alone in the world? No aunts or uncles or grandparents?"

Eun Seo said a silent apology to her long list of relatives before answering, "I am all alone, you are my only family."

Grandfather stared at Eun Seo for a long time. He seemed to be making up his mind about her. He turned and stalked his way to the dining room.

Hye Jin and Eun Seo shared a look, during which they seemed to be asking each other: "Did we fail?"

"Bring me my breakfast, granddaughter!" Grandfather bellowed from the dining room.

Hye Jin and Eun Seo smiled and Hye Jin rushed Eun Seo to the kitchen to show her how to prepare to serve Grandfather his meal.

# Chapter 13

After Grandfather had his breakfast and was settled into his study with his coffee and his paper, Hye Jin announced that she and Eun Seo were going shopping. In actuality, they were going to introduce Eun Seo to Joo Won before he accidentally messed up the new family dynamics at home.

Hye Jin arrived at HJ Construction, a company started by Joo Won's father. Joo Won was the chief architect as well as president of the successful but small construction company. Hye Jin knew each of the office staff by name and asked Secretary Kim if she might see Joo Won for a moment.

"I'm sorry. Joo Won is out at a construction site. He won't be back until late afternoon."

Hye Jin knew she needed to see her son right away.

"Can you give me the location?" she persisted.

"Sure."

Half an hour later, in a construction container that served as a mobile office for HJ Construction at the site, Eun Seo saw Joo Won for the first time. He looked very much like a younger version of his grandfather. He was tall and well-built. He was wearing a dress shirt and slacks, and seemed a little overdressed in the cramped office that had oversized drawings lying out on large tables.

Joo Won seemed most unhappy to be interrupted in his work. Without greeting his mother, and not looking up from his papers, he asked, "What do you want?"

"I have to talk to you."

"Later. At home. I'm busy," was the curt, almost cruel, reply.

"No, now." Hye Jin seemed unfazed by her son's rudeness.

Joo Won looked up, his eyes narrowed on his mother's gaze. He seemed to be wondering if he should continue to refuse or not. Then his gaze took in Eun Seo. "Now what?" he wondered. His mother was always trying to do some kind of good deed. Maybe this girl was raising funds for a new playground or something. Joo Won was too busy for this kind of foolishness and he was in no mood to placate his mother.

"I am too busy, I'll talk to you later," Joo Won repeated, with more venom this time.

Hye Jin was about to start to argue when Eun Seo interrupted. She had been quite disturbed to see her new mother-in-law so rudely treated and she wanted to set the arrogant Joo Won straight.

"Hello, my name is Eun Seo. As of today, I am your wife who is expecting your child. If you would like to know more, please do join us for some tea." With that she took hold of her mother-in-law, and marched her out of the container used as an office and back to the car.

Eun Seo was pulling Hye Jin down the driveway to where they had parked. She had just gotten her new mother-in-law in the car when Joo Won appeared.

"What did you just say?" Joo Won asked.

Eun Seo was not about to repeat herself in the open where the other construction workers were bound to take interest in their conversation.

"I would love to explain in detail what I said to you inside. Would you kindly accompany us to somewhere quiet and semi-private where we can talk?" Eun Seo offered with mock politeness.

Joo Won seemed to be weighing his options. He couldn't talk here. Fine, he would go and find out what lunacy his mother had planned.

After they arrived at a local tea shop, the threesome sat at a quiet table in the back. Hye Jin explained in detail what had transpired that day. Joo Won listened without interruption. Once in a while Joo Won moved his gaze from his mother to look at Eun Seo. Had his mother really introduced this pregnant orphan as his wife? He had often doubted his mother's sanity. He was sure now. His mother had lost her mind.

Hye Jin finished her tale and took a drink from her tea. So far, her son had said nothing. If he had argued or fussed, she would not have been so nervous. But his silence was more threatening than his yelling.

After some time Joo Won said, "Grandfather will not believe she is my wife."

Hye Jin gave a small laugh of triumph, "He already does. He made her serve him his breakfast this morning!"

"What?!" Joo Won was incredulous.

"Your grandfather said, 'Bring me my breakfast, Granddaughter!' and Eun Seo served him and then cleared the table afterwards. She brought him his paper and his coffee, and he taught her how to open the drapes just so that the light comes in, but doesn't shine in his eyes, and to crack the window for fresh air." Hye Jin said each word as if Eun Seo had climbed Mount Everest and back that morning.

Joo Won turned to look at Eun Seo again. Was his mother lying? Even Joo Won was not permitted to serve the morning coffee. Grandfather would only take his coffee from his daughter-in-law. No helper could bring it. Little things like that made it quite difficult for his mother to leave the house for very long.

Joo Won was impressed, but he was not that easily swayed. He had other objections. "Grandfather will find out."

"No, he won't, we won't let him. None of his friends are still alive, he doesn't like anybody, and everybody is afraid of him. If we don't tell him, he won't know." His mother countered.

"I don't want to do it." Joo Won continued to object.

"Do you want to take care of your grandfather?" Eun Seo entered the conversation.

Joo Won looked at her as the intruder he felt her to be. "This is none of your business."

"Helping your mom is my business. You can't be selfish and demand her to do work that far exceeds her health condition. If your grandfather would accept help from non-family members, then this charade would not be needed, but as things stand, this is your mother's idea to solve the problem and she has proven it can work. If you don't want to do this, you need to offer another idea that would work as well. But what you cannot do is leave your mother in this unliveable situation."

Hye Jin was quite shocked at this speech from her new helper. She was concerned about Eun Seo offending Joo Won. Hye Jin reached her hand under the table to squeeze a warning to Eun Seo, but Eun Seo kept her gaze steady on the foe sitting before her.

"I don't need you to tell me how to take care of my mother." Joo Won wanted to put this troubled runaway in her place.

"That is beside the point. What is your idea for how to care for your grandfather and how to release your mother from this burden?" Eun Seo countered.

Joo Won marvelled at the young girl before him. Businessmen a decade older than this girl hardly dared to argue with him. She seemed to have no fear of butting into his personal family matters and telling him what to do.

"I am not going to go along with this. I am not going to lie to grandfather until he dies about my wife and certainly not about my child," Joo Won countered.

"Well then just say nothing, we will do all the lying, as long as you don't contradict, it will be okay," Eun Seo kept pushing.

Joo Won stared at girl in front of him. She looked like a nice girl. Looks, he decided, were deceiving.

"You're right. I won't have to do anything, I know my grandfather, and I know myself. You won't last being my 'wife' for a week. So you two can try your little drama, but mom should remember, there is a reason I am not married." Joo Won had a slightly evil grin as he said it.

"So you'll do it?" Eun Seo wasn't sure what his comment meant.

"I won't try to sabotage your efforts. That is as far as I go. But the Song men are not all that easy to take care of."

"I don't need easy. I just need a chance."

Joo Won continued to look at the girl seated across from him. She looked like she might be sixteen or seventeen years old. He thought that she must be older than she looked, still it was hard to take such a young-looking person seriously. He thought the boastful girl had no idea of the struggle ahead of her. She needed much more than a chance. She would need a miracle. Joo Won shifted in his seat and rose from his chair signalling the end of their conversation.

"I need to get back to work. I trust you won't have to track me down to my office to bother me again." They left the tea shop and dropped Joo Won back at the construction site. Before he left the car, he leaned over to Eun Seo and said "I'll see you at home."

Eun Seo somehow felt that was a threat.

# Chapter 14

Hye Jin and Eun Seo knew that they had a tremendous challenge ahead of them. Joo Won had agreed not to sabotage their plan, but they were not quite sure if he would keep his word. And even if he did, would they be able to fool Grandfather long-term?

They arrived in time to set out a late lunch for him. Grandfather liked his lunch served outside when the weather was nice. Eun Seo brought his tray to the backyard table that was placed under a shade tree. She set out his meal and asked if there was anything else he needed. Grandfather did not answer her, he just motioned for her to sit and wait for him to finish eating. Eun Seo sat and wondered if Hye Jin normally had to wait for him to finish his lunch. She wanted to get back in the house.

"I'll come back for your tray later." Eun Seo tried to make her escape.

Grandfather glared at her. And then, changing his tune, he said in the most pitiful voice, "I'm sure you are too busy to eat lunch with an old man, you go and don't worry about the tray, I'll bring in the tray myself."

Eun Seo was shocked. She saw through his act in a second. Song Young Shik was not a man who whined and complained. He barked and he bellowed. He demanded. He scolded. What was he doing putting on the poor pitiful old man act? Eun Seo decided he was testing her. She wondered how one would pass such a test. She decided that in this moment she should be as much like who she really was as possible.

"Oh, I'm glad to hear I won't need to come back for the tray. That will be a big help. Are you sure you can get it all the way back to the kitchen?" Eun Seo tried to sound cheerful and unconcerned.

Grandfather didn't answer. He just turned away. His new granddaughter wasn't even trying to get on his good side. Didn't she know he ruled this roost? This girl must be very confident in her standing. She didn't seem afraid. He was still not sure that this girl was really his granddaughter, but where would she get the confidence to treat him so badly unless she were a relative?

Eun Seo turned to walk back to the house. She felt sick to her stomach. She was not sure if it was morning sickness or stress. She was scared to death she was going to make a wrong move with Grandfather and then she and her baby would have no job and no home.

Hye Jin met Eun Seo as she came in. "Did he take the food from you?"

"Yes, he will bring his tray in later."

"He is going to bring in his tray? No, I don't think that is a good idea. I'll go out later to get it." Hye Jin was worried that her father-in-law would be angry.

"Mother, please let him do it this once. I think we are just getting to know each other. I think I have a few tests to pass. I am not sure I am passing them. But let us get to know each other and get used to one another." Eun Seo pleaded.

"Okay, we will try it your way." Hye Jin was not convinced Eun Seo's way would work. But she had to admit that her way of dealing with him had not worked very well either.

"Where will I be staying?" Eun Seo changed the subject.

Hye Jin had been thinking about that as well. Her house was large and had a number of unused bed rooms or rooms that could be converted into bedrooms, but Grandfather would be expecting Eun Seo to stay with Joo Won.

"Well, Joo Won has his own separate apartment at the back of the house. He has his own entrance. I think you will need to stay in his spare room, or grandfather will be suspicious. That should be okay, Joo Won works a lot and he really only sleeps here. And you will mostly be in the main part of the house with me most of the day. So you really wouldn't need to see Joo Won very much. "

"Will Joo Won agree to that?" Eun Seo wasn't sure he wanted his privacy invaded.

"He will be fine. He agreed to our plan, so he will have to be okay with it." Hye Jin was feeling powerful now that Eun Seo had joined the household.

Hye Jin showed Eun Seo to her room and Eun Seo started to unpack. She had taken no photos with her. She wished she had a photo of her family or Sung Ho to put out. But it would have been too dangerous. She had taken nothing with her that would identify the important people in her life.

Eun Seo put her few belongings away and looked around her new room. It was spacious. There would be room for a baby cot and later a child's bed if she was still here by the time that was needed. Eun Seo knelt by her bed and prayed. "Dear God, I know I have no right to ask for anything. And I know that the longer I keep lying, the harder I am making it for you to help me as someone who persists in doing wrong, but please, please help Grandfather accept me. I want to stay here. I won't ask you to make life easy, just help me to be able to stay. Amen."

Eun Seo went back to the main part of the house to help get ready for dinner.

Eun Seo learned that dinner was served promptly at 7:00 p.m. Hye Jin had carefully explained how to arrange the table. Though the house helper prepared the meal, Hye Jin was in charge of its presentation. During the meal Eun Seo would be expected to watch and see if the side dishes needed to be refilled or to notice if there was anything Grandfather needed.

The dining table had been arranged and Grandfather appeared promptly as usual. Hye Jin was beginning to be nervous as Joo Won had not arrived, but just as Grandfather was beginning to ask about him, he entered the dining room and Hye Jin breathed a sigh of relief. The small family of four sat down to their meal.

Grandfather was silent as he ate. Hye Jin tried to keep up a happy chatter about nothing in particular. Joo Won was observing the dynamics between his silent grandfather and Eun Seo who was making sure each dish was in his reach. Suddenly his grandfather took the small side dish of kimchi and threw it to the floor.

"There was a fly in the kimchi!" He bellowed the complaint.

Joo Won was shocked at his grandfather's outburst. Hye Jin immediately got up and began to apologize. Eun Seo stopped her. "Mother, let me get a fresh dish of kimchi."

Eun Seo bent down to clean up the floor and carefully picked up the broken glass. As she looked up, she thought she saw a slight smile on Grandfather's face.

"Grandfather, next time you see a fly, you should ask me to help you, then we won't have to waste our money on new dishes." With that admonishment Eun Seo left to get more kimchi.

Grandfather turned his attack on Joo Won. "Your wife has been very rude to me today!"

Joo Won was actually impressed with how his supposed wife was handling Grandfather. His mother always cowered when he was angry and she catered to his every whim, which made the old man increasingly difficult to live with. That was how it came to be that no one could even give him a cup of water other than his daughter-in-law. Last year when Hye Jin had had her heart attack, Joo Won could barely visit his mother at the hospital, because he had his hands full with his grandfather. He had missed three weeks of work and one potential client had been lost due to his unavailability.

Apparently Eun Seo had taken a different tactic. Joo Won was not sure Eun Seo would be able to keep it up, but he was at least impressed that she was trying.

"Grandfather, my wife is very young, you must forgive her shortcomings. You must be patient and teach her." Joo Won was finding this family dinner a most amusing one. He had not enjoyed a meal at home so much in years.

Eun Seo was just returning to the dining room with the kimchi and heard Joo Won's reply. Joo Won smiled a smile that dared her to challenge his words. Eun Seo gently put the kimchi on the table, slightly out of grandfather's reach.

"I want some kimchi," grandfather demanded.

"Certainly," Eun Seo picked some up in her chop sticks and placed some on grandfather's plate. Joo Won almost laughed out loud. That kimchi bowl was not going anywhere close to grandfather's reach. Mentally Joo Won began keeping score:

Grandfather: 1

Fake Granddaughter: 1

The situation seemed tied.

The rest of the meal passed without incident. Before Grandfather retired for the night, Hye Jin taught Eun Seo how to prepare his medications, and she brought them with a cup of warm water and some crackers.

When Eun Seo brought the medications, Grandfather reached for the pills. "No grandfather, eat the crackers first. You can't take these on an empty stomach."

"I don't like crackers," Grandfather complained.

"Would you like some bread?" Eun Seo tried to bargain.

Joo Won heard the conversation as he passed his grandfather's room and he was curious to know if the tie would stand or if Grandfather would win this round. He stayed just outside the door to find out.

"No. I don't want to eat anything," Grandfather insisted.

"You have to eat the crackers, or else I could get you some bread. But you have to eat before you take your medicine." Eun Seo was trying to be firm.

"Then I won't take my medicine," Grandfather was enjoying being difficult.

Eun Seo was worried. She knew she couldn't back down, or he would never listen to her. And she knew she couldn't force the crackers and medicine down his throat. What should she do? Her mind was blank. She had no idea what to do with this cranky old man. The events of today had just been too much for the young woman. This battle over simply taking a few pills seemed more than she could handle at that moment.

Eun Seo felt the tears start. She tried to fight them and get herself under control, but it wasn't working. Eun Seo looked down, hoping to hide her tears from the hateful enemy in front of her. But he saw them. And Song Young Shik was not the kind of man that could stand a real woman's tears. Somehow, he seemed to know that his new granddaughter was carrying a weight far heavier than just bringing him his meals and medicine. He had a strange and strong desire to make her stop crying.

Grandfather silently reached out and took a cracker. He ate it. Then he looked at Eun Seo. Her face was still bowed to the ground and the tears rolled down her cheeks and fell to the floor. Grandfather frowned and reached out and took another cracker. He ate it slowly. He felt a little cheated. He was dutifully eating his crackers and still the little chit dared to cry in front of him, making him feel most uncomfortable.

As Grandfather finished his second cracker, Eun Seo looked up and smiled at him through her tears. She handed him his medication which he took without a word.

"Thank you Grandfather. Good night." Eun Seo turned and left the room. After she had shut the door she noticed Joo Won observing her. Eun Seo tried to wipe the tears from her face, and she hoped that even if he noticed he wouldn't say anything.

Joo Won seemed to be appraising her. He was not sure if what he had just witnessed was calculated or not. Joo Won shrugged his shoulders. Maybe it didn't matter. Whatever she was doing was working.

Grandfather : 1

Fake Granddaughter : 2

"You've made it through the first day. Do you think you can keep this up?" Joo Won asked as she passed him in the hall.

"Yes." Eun Seo said with a confidence she did not feel.

# Chapter 15

Eun Seo had a lot to learn her first few weeks in the Song family. Thankfully, Hye Jin was a gentle and patient teacher.

One duty at a time, Eun Seo was learning how to take care of Grandfather. And in the times where Grandfather was safely occupied with his paper or his favorite drama, Eun Seo was helping Hye Jin with her many projects.

When Hye Jin had been preoccupied with her father-in-law's care, she had neglected her interests in her local church. But with the greater freedom she enjoyed and with Eun Seo's youthful encouragement, she was daily working on some new endeavour. The change of focus gave Hye Jin a new joy and increased confidence. She even gained two kilos. Hye Jin had lost so much weight after her heart attack that she had begun to look unhealthy. He recent weight gain had her looking and feeling much better than she had in a long time.

One day Hye Jin would come home and say that the kindergarten that the church ran needed them to cut out pieces of a craft the kids would make on Friday, and Eun Seo and Hye Jin would sit together and cut out the needed pieces as they drank tea. The table was full of brightly colored paper and scraps. Joo Won stopped home to pick up some papers he had forgotten. He looked in on his mother, who was obviously enjoying her work, and he sighed.

Joo Won had noticed the change in his mother. She was happier and healthier than she had been in years. He should have been happy about that, but Joo Won had a complicated relationship with his mother. When he was young, she had been a very different person than the person she seemed to be now.

What Joo Won remembered of his mother was that she was always busy with her friends. She couldn't be bothered by the needs of her son. It was his dad who had come to his school plays, it was his dad who helped him with his homework, and it was his dad who taught him how to ride a bike. It was his dad who had been his real parent. And it was his dad who had passed away when he was 24 years old. His dad had died in an accident at a construction site. He had fallen from a steel beam 22 stories up. He was not harnessed. No one knew why he did not have his harness on or what caused him to fall. The doctors thought he might have had a drop in his blood sugar that caused him to faint and fall, because he was a diabetic. Or maybe he just slipped. Without warning, Joo Won had lost the person that meant the most to him.

He shouldn't have felt this way, but deep down, if he had had to lose one parent, he thought, why couldn't it have been his mom? Mom never cared for him. Mom only cared about her cards and her circle of friends and her outings. Joo Won had been able to overlook her shortcomings up until his father died, but then her shortcomings seemed to grow ever greater in his mind. All that his father was and all that his mother wasn't compounded his grief. He could not forgive her for being the spoiled, selfish person she was.

Joo Won had taken over his father's construction company. He was too young to handle that level of responsibility, and his mother was no help. She had not known how to comfort him in his grief nor how encourage him in his struggles. She was still in her own world, focused on her own grief of newfound widowhood.

Joo Won had become increasingly resentful toward the woman he called mother. But the worst, at least as Joo Won considered it, came when Joo Won turned thirty. His mother got saved. Hye Jin became a baptized Christian. Shortly after that, she began to do strange things. She pleaded with Joo Won to forgive her for not being a better mother. She started to attend church. She brought her father-in-law home to live with them, so that she could care for him properly. She had started to do all sorts of good deeds. Joo Won had resented his self-centered mother before. But he despised this mother that tried to make up for it now. It was too late. His dad was dead. He was no longer a little boy in need of a mother to love him. His mother did not deserve to live and die as a nice person now. He wished she had remained as she was.

Joo Won resented his mother's new faith and change of lifestyle. He became enraged if she dared to talk about Christianity with him. He knew it hurt her deeply that he would not go to church and he told her that she was the reason he would never believe in her God. "If God was real, He would never have accepted you. You are how I know that there is no God." Joo Won had screamed at her when she had invited him to Christmas Mass.

Joo Won's father had not been a religious man, yet he was the finest man Joo Won had ever known. Joo Won did not put any stock in his mother's God.

As a son, he knew he should appreciate all that Eun Seo was doing to make his mother's life easier and happier. He should have, but he didn't. He noticed Eun Seo and his mother were growing closer and he felt the need to make sure Eun Seo was not fooled. His mother had fooled so many people into thinking she was a nice person now, that she was truly changed. Joo Won wanted to make sure that his mother did not receive the honor of being considered a good person. Joo Won would not allow his mother to change. A self-centered mother with no room in her heart for anyone but herself he could endure. But his poor excuse of a mother that begged for forgiveness, that visited the sick, that tried to feign interest in his life, this person, he could not stomach.

# Chapter 16

Grandfather and Eun Seo developed an understanding of one another. Grandfather began to look forward to his visits from the granddaughter that saw to his needs. After the first few months had passed, and Eun Seo's pregnancy was beginning to show, he even seemed go easy on her.

When the weather turned cold, he had to start taking his midday meal inside. He missed his time out of doors, so Eun Seo set a table by the big picture window so that he could eat his meal and watch the birds. One Thursday, as he began his lunch, he invited Eun Seo to sit with him as he ate.

"Are you a Christian?" he asked her in a whisper.

"Yes." Eun Seo whispered back. "Why are we whispering?"

"I don't want Hye Jin to hear us," Grandfather continued.

"It's okay, she is not here."

"Can you tell me about it, about Christianity, I mean?" Grandfather seemed somewhat embarrassed to be broaching the subject.

"Sure. Do you have a Bible?"

"No. Hye Jin tried to give me one. But I yelled at her. Joo Won hates this religious stuff. But, it's getting time for me to give it some thought. I can't tell Hye Jin. She'll make a big deal out of it and Joo Won is sure to find out. I haven't made up my mind. But I have questions that I want to think on."

Eun Seo smiled, "Don't worry Grandfather, this will be our little secret. I can smuggle in a Bible when no one is looking. And when I bring you your pills at night, you can ask me anything you want to know."

Grandfather still seemed sceptical. "What if you don't know?"

"Then I'll sneak Father Park here when Joo Won and Hye Jin are out. He is great at keeping secrets."

The thought of arranging secret meetings with Father Park and Grandfather made Eun Seo smile. This would be fun. It was like she and Grandfather were coming up with some sinister plan.

And so that is what they did. In the evenings, after Grandfather had taken his medication, Eun Seo would discuss what he had read in the Bible that day. They had lively discussions. Grandfather was not one to just accept something as true. He questioned everything. He enjoyed learning and discussing. He enjoyed arguing. Two months after they began their secret meetings, Grandfather asked Eun Seo to arrange a meeting with Father Park. He wanted to be secretly baptised.

"Will he do that?" Grandfather asked Eun Seo.

"I'll ask him. I think it would be okay. You are so sneaky. But Grandpa, why do you want to get baptised?" Eun Seo was a bit confused on how he had come to that conclusion.

"Well, I've had to do the rituals on death anniversaries for my relatives for as long as I can remember. I know that can be quite a burden to your family. I think you should honor the living more than the dead. This way, Joo Won and Hye Jin would only need to decorate my grave if they want to. And I like the idea of heaven. And I think being forgiven for your faults and failures is also good."

"Grandfather, you make it seem like you've been shopping for a used car. I don't think you get to pick your religion based on its benefits to you. You need to believe. You need to have faith." Eun Seo was more than slightly scandalized by Grandfather's reasoning.

"I didn't say I didn't believe, I think choosing a God is like choosing your wife. You can look at girl and weigh the pros and cons before you marry her, but afterwards you have to live with whatever you choose. I think it is the same with God. I've looked at the pros and cons and I've chosen which one to go with. Afterwards I'll be fully committed, you don't need to worry." Grandfather tried to console her.

"Grandfather..."

"Yes?"

"Don't tell Father Park that, okay?"

Grandfather laughed. "Okay, that will be just between the two of us."

It was a Tuesday, when Hye Jin was out with her ladies group, that Father Park came to the house and baptized Song Young Shik four days before his 91st birthday. Eun Seo was the only one in the house that witnessed the event. Grandfather told Father Park and Eun Seo not to tell anyone until they were preparing for his funeral. He wanted to live out his last days in peace. By the time Joo Won found out about this, it would be too late for him to protest.

# Chapter 17

Joo Won wondered what kept Eun Seo so long when she took Grandfather his evening medication. He'd notice her leaving for Grandfather's room, and then sometimes it was an hour or more before he would hear her preparing for bed in the room next to his.

Joo Won was amazed at how Eun Seo was becoming a fixture in the family already when she had been there five months. His mother relied on her in everything. Eun Seo drove her on her errands and attended many of the same church functions in the evenings so that Hye Jin would not need to come home in the dark alone. Grandfather seemed to have fully accepted her as his granddaughter.

Joo Won had thought that his mother's plan of installing a fake granddaughter had no chance of succeeding in the long run. But it seemed to have gone off without a hitch. Joo Won did not see much of Eun Seo. Eun Seo was always busy. He wasn't sure, but sometimes it seemed she avoided him on purpose. It wasn't that she was rude, it just seemed that if he appeared in a room, Eun Seo would soon find a reason to be somewhere else. He tried not to let that bother him. Eun Seo was here to take care of Grandfather and mother, not him. Still, it bothered him to see her so comfortable in the company of others and so awkward when she was with him.

Tonight, Eun Seo seemed later than usual in getting to bed. Joo Won often found himself listening for the sounds of her padding around in her room. When the soft sounds would stop, he would feel comfortable enough to fall asleep himself. But it was already past 11 p.m. and he had not heard her come to bed yet. He was thinking of going to look for her, when he heard her door open. "Good. Now I can sleep," he thought. Just as he rolled over and snuggled in he heard something that sounded like muffled sobs. Was she crying?

Joo Won got out of bed and put his ear to the wall that separated their rooms. She was definitely crying. Why was she crying? Had something happened? Joo Won paced his room. What should he do? Ignore it? She would be embarrassed if she knew he could hear her. But maybe she was in trouble, maybe she needed help. Joo Won put his ear to the wall again. This time he didn't hear anything. Had she stopped? Joo Won laid down. He didn't feel sleepy any more. Did Eun Seo often cry at night? He was aware again that he didn't really know anything about her. It was as if she had hatched from an egg. All he knew about her began the day she appeared. There was nothing before that.

Joo Won woke with a headache the next day. It had taken him a long time to fall asleep. He had slept in a little bit because it was Saturday. After he had gotten dressed and eaten breakfast he was surprised by a visit from Grandfather. Grandfather rarely came to his apartment.

Grandfather invited Joo Won to go on a walk in the garden. Joo Won got his jacket and joined Grandfather in garden. They walked together in silence. Finally Grandfather spoke, "I loved your grandmother, but I'm not sure she knew that. I never praised her or encouraged her. I was critical and selfish. I expected a lot and I gave her very little in return and I expected that she would still be happy with me and oddly enough, I think she was. I think that was where your dad got the idea of how to treat a wife."

"I noticed your mom was a very different woman than your grandmother was. She needed attention. She needed affection. I think your dad loved her. He just didn't know how to show it. I didn't know how either, but it didn't affect me or my family all that much because your grandmother just found a way to be happy anyways. But Hye Jin was different. Every day she felt unloved and ignored by her husband. She didn't know how to live that way. She had to be acknowledged. She had to be loved. When she couldn't get that out of your dad, she went looking for it in other places. She didn't go after other men. Just other interests. She needed the attention. She just couldn't survive without it. I resented her for a long time for not being a better wife to my son. But to be fair, he was not a good husband to her. So I guess they are even."

Joo Won wondered what was making Grandfather speak this freely and intimately about such private matters. He felt very uncomfortable with the conversation. After they had walked a little longer, Grandfather started to speak again. "I have no right to tell you how to treat your wife, I've already told you that I did not do a good job myself. But I hope you can do better than I did. Eun Seo is a sweet girl. She is hardworking and kind. But there is a deep sadness in that girl that breaks my heart. Even when she smiles, her eyes are sad. I notice you don't ever say how pretty she looks, pregnant women need to hear that they are pretty. They think they look like aliens. And you have to kiss her when you leave for work and when you get home. You have to call her in the middle of the day sometimes and ask her what she's doing. You need to buy her some pretty things, not for her birthday or anniversary, but just because you thought of her."

Grandfather kept walking. He was embarrassed to be having this kind of talk with his grandson. But he couldn't just stand by and watch the same issue hurt yet another wife of a Song. Plus, he really wanted to see Eun Seo happy. Eun Seo reminded him of his wife. She would not turn out like Hye Jin. No, Eun Seo would be okay no matter what. She would smile and do her duty and if tears did come, few would know about them. But it didn't need to be that way. Eun Seo was the kind of woman that would shine like the sun with the littlest drop of sincere affection. Grandfather loved Joo Won, but he knew him to be more than a bit stingy with his appreciation and affection.

Grandfather had been walking away from the house. When he had finished his say, he turned and walked back to the house. Joo Won was speechless. He had just been scolded for not treating his wife well, and he wasn't even married! If only Grandfather knew the truth about his precious granddaughter.

When they had returned, Eun Seo met them at the door. "Grandfather, would you like some tea? It is getting to be quite cold out."

"Yes, that would be nice." Grandfather gave Joo Won a look which said, "Now's as good a time as any."

Joo Won looked at Eun Seo, and remembered her sobs. She looked like she was happy right now. Was grandfather right? Were her eyes sad even when she smiled? Eun Seo returned his questioning look. She wondered what he wanted.

Joo Won leaned forward and kissed her on the cheek. "I'll have a cup of tea too. You look pretty today." He continued on to the dining room to wait for his tea. Grandfather had a big smile on his face as he followed his grandson to the table.

Eun Seo wandered into the kitchen, barely able to even see her surroundings, she was so shocked.

# Chapter 18

Eun Seo was very confused with the change in Joo Won. Joo Won made sure to say goodbye to her each morning as he left for work. Once or twice a week, he would randomly call the house and ask her how she was, or what his mom was up to, or if Grandfather was giving her any trouble. Eun Seo thought at first he had something he wanted to tell her, like take his laundry to the cleaners or pick up something from the printers. She would answer his friendly question, and wait for him to tell her what he wanted. It used to be when he would call, he would not even start with any polite conversation. He would just send her on some errand. She didn't mind. She was quite comfortable with that kind of communication.

But now, sometimes he didn't even have an errand or a request. He seemed to be calling just to talk. Eun Seo found this rather awkward. Joo Won found it amusing to make her so uncomfortable. Once in a while he felt pity for her and he would pick up his end of the conversation and tell Eun Seo about his day, usually something funny that had happened at a construction site or problems that he was having with clients.

At night, he was usually awake, working at his desk when she came in after settling Grandfather in for the night. He would talk to her about nothing in particular and then wish her good night. Eun Seo much preferred the Joo Won who ignored her. This Joo Won made her feel unsettled.

One day, Grandfather called Joo Won at work. "I want you to stop by the book store and buy the series "The Seven Loves of Sarah" by Jennifer Park. It is Eun Seo's favorite author. She has read the first four, but she doesn't have them anymore."

"Why? Is her birthday coming up?" Joo Won asked.

"Birthday? No. Were you listening to me? You don't get any points for buying gifts on holidays or birthdays or anniversaries, that is a given. They will remember forever that you know what they like and you went out and got it for them, for no reason." Grandfather sounded disappointed that his grandson was so slow to catch the idea.

"How about I get her one, and later on get her another one, that way I could spread this out over a year or so." Joo Won thought giving seven books at one time a bit excessive.

"Are you so cheap? Never mind. Don't buy them. I will send Hye Jin. She will buy them and I will give them to Eun Seo. I shouldn't pass my good idea to you." Grandfather sounded angry.

"Okay, okay, don't get mad. I know I had better treat your precious granddaughter right." Joo Won laughed to himself. Eun Seo had quite the advocate in Grandfather.

"I'll stop by the book store on my way home."

"Now, that's my boy. Trust me, a little attention goes a long way."

After Joo Won hung up the phone, Joo Won felt a little mistreated. If only Grandfather knew that it was Eun Seo who wouldn't give him the time of day. Each conversation with her was an incredibly awkward and one-sided experience. Joo Won liked Eun Seo well enough. He was actually curious about where she had come from and how she got into the situation she was in. He was grateful for the changes she had brought to his home. Both his mother and grandfather enjoyed having her around. If she had been his wife, Joo Won knew that his family would have been quite pleased with who he had brought home to become part of the family.

But there were a couple things that bothered Joo Won about Eun Seo. One was the knowledge that she had to have come from somewhere, and someday, he feared that somewhere would find her. Eun Seo was too educated, cultured, and capable to be the 'orphan' she claimed to be. Joo Won was convinced she was a runaway. Why she had run away, he didn't know. It must have something to do with her pregnancy. What would his family do when Eun Seo's past showed up on their doorstep? What would Eun Seo do? Would she leave them? Joo Won tried to tell himself it wouldn't matter. The little runaway had appeared one day and it made sense that she would disappear one day as well. That was just one of the concerns that kept Joo Won from getting too involved with his supposed wife.

The other apprehension he had concerned her religion. Joo Won hated his mother's God. Joo Won was not a religious man. Usually, he didn't really care if people were Christians or Buddhists or if they believed in shamans, it didn't make that much difference to him. But after his mother had had her "conversion" experience and changed into a person he could barely recognize, he found he could hardly tolerate Christians. To be honest, one particular Christian, his mother, was the problem. But he lumped them all together for convenience. Christianity seemed to be a "get out of jail free card" to be applied at any time in life. You could live like the devil, hurt any number of people, and then suddenly come to your senses and be forgiven and become a good guy. Where was the justice in that? Where was the righteousness that Christians were so preoccupied with? If there was a God, would He be like that? Joo Won thought not. No, if God was real, He would make people pay for their misdeeds and poor decisions. God, he thought, would not be so easily manipulated.

Joo Won finished his desk work before leaving the office to check on the construction site. As he was leaving, he remembered the bookstore was just four blocks away. Joo Won sighed. He couldn't let his Grandfather show him up. He stopped into the store and asked for the series. They didn't have it. The clerk told him that he could find that kind of series in a Christian bookstore. Their store didn't carry it because it wasn't popular with the general public.

Joo Won left for home. "Well," he thought to himself, "Grandfather will get the points for this one, because I'll be dammed before I support her addiction to all things Christian."

It took Grandfather a few days to get Hye Jin to the find the books he wanted to buy for Eun Seo. He was quite proud of himself for the surprise that he had planned. After dinner he called Eun Seo into the living room. Grandfather had laid out all 7 books on the table in front of the sofa. Grandfather had wanted an audience for his surprise, so Hye Jin and Joo Won were also seated in the living room.

"Yes, Grandfather? Do you need anything?" Eun Seo came rushing when she heard him call her.

"Yes, can you clear this table, somebody left a bunch of books lying around." Grandfather said in a harsh tone.

Eun Seo went over to the table and began to automatically pick up the books. She had already picked up two before she realized what the books were.

"Whose are these?" She asked Grandfather.

"I don't know. Somebody must have left them here. You can throw them out."

"Throw them out? No, Grandpa, these were written by my favorite author. Remember, I told you about her."

"Oh, did you? I'd forgotten." Grandfather could barely keep himself from smiling. Slowly it dawned on Eun Seo. Grandfather had gotten those books for her. Tears came to her eyes and she threw herself on the old man.

"Thank you. Thank you so much." Eun Seo choked on the words. She was so touched by his thoughtfulness and kindness. And as a mere fake granddaughter, she felt guilty receiving such generosity, generosity that she felt would only be deserved by real members of the family.

Grandfather was pleased with her reaction but also embarrassed at her display of affection. "Get off me before you break my bones," he bellowed. As Eun Seo released her hold on him she kissed his wrinkled cheek.

Eun Seo gathered the books in her arms and carried them back to her room. Grandfather sent Joo Won a look that said, "That, my boy is how it's done."

Joo Won wondered if it made sense to be jealous of one's own Grandfather.

# Chapter 19

The family was waiting for Grandfather to arrive before they started eating their breakfast. Eun Seo was about to go to his room to check on him, but Joo Won offered to go get him because Eun Seo was still putting some dishes on the table.

"Eun Seo!" Joo Won yell echoed through the house. Eun Seo came running. Grandfather was on the floor, lying by the side of his bed, he wasn't able to walk, he was in pain, and he found it hard to breathe.

"Call the ambulance!" Joo Won ordered.

Hours later, Grandfather was in a private room with many tubes attached to his body. The doctors said he had a mild heart attack. He was going to be okay. He would be in the hospital for a few days. It was a good thing that they had found him right away.

Eun Seo and Joo Won were waiting in a waiting room when they heard yells and saw nurses running into Grandfather's room. When they looked in the door they saw three nurses trying to wrestle Grandfather back down into his bed.

Grandfather was yelling for his clothes and saying that he was going home and trying to rip the tubes from his body.

Eun Seo ran forward and yelled, "Grandpa! Stop it!"

All eyes turned to Eun Seo. The tall old man in the bed stopped his struggles and for a moment stared at the young pregnant girl that called him "Grandpa."

"I don't have a granddaughter," Grandfather spat at the girl that seemed a stranger to him.

"Yes you do, I am married to Joo Won and I am your favorite granddaughter and you love me very much and you always do what I say." Eun Seo moved in closer so that she could grab his arms if necessary. The senior nurse left to get some medication to calm him.

"Grandfather, you've had a mild heart attack. The stress seems to have affected your short-term memory, so that's why you don't remember me. You are going to lay still and obey the nice nurses who are here to take care of you." Eun Seo ordered.

Grandfather lay back against the bed. The fight seemed to be going out of him. With his eyes closed, he asked again, "Who are you?"

Eun Seo took his large hand into her small one. "I'm your granddaughter."

Still with his eyes closed he asked, "Joo Won is married?"

Eun Seo answered cheerfully, "Yes, Grandfather. Joo Won is married. You are looking forward to the arrival of your great-grandchild. So you must cooperate with the nurses."

The large hand that held hers gripped her tightly and Grandfather slipped into a troubled sleep.

This scene repeated itself throughout the day, that night, and into the next day. Each time Grandfather awakened he fought to leave the hospital. Each time Eun Seo repeated her soft reassurances to him and held his hand until he fell asleep. Eun Seo was the only one who could calm Grandfather down. Joo Won felt pity for Eun Seo, he guessed that her feet were swelling and her back ached. He tried to calm Grandfather during one of his episodes and Grandfather succeeded in ripping out his IV.

On the third day, Grandfather's memory had returned. He was not as anxious or violent. He did his best to cooperate with the nurses, though Grandpa was a hard man to please even when he was on his best behaviour.

Hye Jin told Joo Won to take Eun Seo home. She looked sick and she needed rest. The last few days had been hard on them all, but with Eun Seo so far along in her pregnancy, the hours on her feet with little rest coupled with her concern for Grandfather had taken their toll.

Joo Won drove her home. On the way to her room he noticed she was crying. "Hey, what are you crying about? Grandpa's going to be okay." Joo Won put an arm around her shoulder to comfort her.

Eun Seo turned into Joo Won's embrace and sobbed. "He could have died. Grandpa could have died. What would I do without him?"

"Hey, you have me and Mom, remember? Grandpa has outlived all his friends. He's had a great life. If he goes, we will miss him, but you don't have to worry. Grandpa will be ready when the time comes." Joo Won wanted to comfort what looked like terror in Eun Seo's eyes.

Eun Seo shook her head. "No, you don't understand. Grandfather is the only reason I'm here. I'm here to help mom take care of him. If he's not here. You don't need me." Eun Seo was embarrassed to speak her concern aloud.

Joo Won continued to hold her. His one desire at that moment was to reassure her. He hadn't really thought recently about why she was in their house or what Grandfather's passing would mean to her. He just thought she would be sad like the rest of them. He didn't think it would mean she would have to leave. "No, no you're wrong. Mom wants you to help her. If something should happen to Grandfather, mom would still need you. You aren't going anywhere."

Slowly Joo Won felt Eun Seo calm down and he reached out and brushed some hair from her face. "Don't cry and don't worry. It's not good for the baby. Grandfather is looking forward to the most perfect great-grand child. You can't disappoint him."

Eun Seo tried to give Joo Won a reassuring smile. She tried to look brave. The effect made Joo Won laugh. Eun Seo didn't appreciate being laughed at in her state and tried to pull away out of his embrace.

"Okay, I'm sorry. I wasn't laughing at you." Joo Won tried to say it without laughing but he didn't quite make it.

Eun Seo glared up at him. Joo Won thought she looked cuter than ever when she was angry. "You had better go get some rest," was what he actually said.

# Chapter 20

Joo Won lay in bed thinking long into the night about Eun Seo and her future. Eun Seo was worried about what was going to happen to her when something happened to Grandfather. Joo Won was worried what would happen to her when something happened to his mom.

Last year, his mother had barely survived her heart attack. The doctors had said that it was likely she would not live another year. It had already been a year and a half. Joo Won had often thought his grandfather would outlive his mother.

Either way, Joo Won had come to terms with the fact that his two living family members would not be with him much longer. He did not know if their passing would be in the next three months or six months or even in a year. But he knew that both his relatives were not going to be around for much longer.

So, what would happen to Eun Seo? As long as there was Mom or Grandfather, there would be a reason to keep her. But that reason wouldn't work for long. What would Eun Seo do with a baby and no education? Would she leave his house and hope another house had live-in work for her and an infant?

Joo Won didn't want Eun Seo to go. For some time now he had been honest enough with himself to admit he was attracted to her. He was also worried about her. But what could he do?

In the back of his mind he had been formulating a plan, but it had been too hard to bring up. But now that he saw that Eun Seo was also worried about her future. He was thinking now was the time.

He was going to offer Eun Seo a chance to stay, with him, even after Mom and Grandfather were gone. He would send her to college and he would provide for daycare for the baby and Eun Seo would live with him until she finished college. Then they could decide together if she should stay or if she should move on. Four years of cohabitation, with no strings attached. At the end, Eun Seo would be equipped with what she needed to take care of herself and her child. And Joo Won would have time to figure out if he wanted this deal to be extended or not.

Joo Won had not made the offer because he knew Eun Seo would most likely slap his face and pour salt on his head. But the more he thought about it, the more it seemed like a good idea. It was better than her not going to school and having no way to take care of herself and the baby. But he knew Eun Seo would still refuse. She seemed like a girl who would go for marriage or else, nothing. But Joo Won didn't want to marry her. Well, that wasn't exactly true. It wasn't that Joo Won didn't want to marry Eun Seo, it was more like Joo Won didn't want to marry anyone, and besides, as far as anyone else knew, they were already married. But real marriage...that seemed like one of those prisons that Christians say God created for your own good. Joo Won was bound and determined that "God," whoever He was, was not going to get His way all the time. Joo Won thought, I don't have to marry a girl to prove I love her and I'm committed to her. Getting married for real would make his mother too happy. No, Joo Won was willing to go a long way to help Eun Seo and keep her at his side. But marriage was something that, at this point, he was unwilling to do.

Joo Won decided that with Grandpa's and his mother's health in their current state, he had to talk to Eun Seo about his idea for her future immediately. He prepared a breakfast for the two of them and after Eun Seo had finished, he started to talk. "I've been thinking about your future." Joo Won explained his plan to Eun Seo. Eun Seo said nothing and asked no questions during his rather awkward speech.

When he could bear the complete silence no longer, he asked, "What do you think?"

Eun Seo looked down at her hands. What should she say? She knew what she had to say, but how do you refuse such a suggestion politely?

"Thank you for thinking so seriously about my future and thank you for your generous offer."

Joo Won sensed where she was going and interrupted, "Don't say no. Think about it first."

"No, I don't need to think about it. Even if I wanted to do something like that, I can't."

"Why?" Joo Won voice sounded hard.

"You know why," Eun Seo's reply was close to a whisper.

"Because you're a Christian?! Because you can't do something so sinful!" Joo Won was yelling now. Joo Won began to pace the room. She was responding just as he feared she would. Joo Won laughed bitterly.

"Well, you're pregnant and as far as I know you are not married and you've been lying about being married to me since the day you got here. And I don't think you are an orphan, I think you have run away from somebody, so forgive me for thinking that you aren't all that strict when it comes to your religious rules." Joo Won was earnestly angry now. He was sickened by the fact that she was going to use the sin excuse as the reason to put herself and her child in harm's way.

Eun Seo felt deeply the sting of his words. He was not wrong. She had done all that and more. Who was she to stand on morals? Still, if she did such a thing, she could never look at herself or raise her child. Even if she had done too many wrongs to be forgiven, she couldn't keep adding to the list. She looked down to try and hide her tears that were falling.

"Don't cry. Don't you dare cry. Don't cry when you are hungry and cold and you have no money for medicine for that baby. Don't cry when you are lonely at night with no one to hold you and take care of you. You go right ahead and pick and choose when you will 'sin' and when you won't. Let God keep you warm and fed."

Joo Won stood and stormed out of the house.

# Chapter 21

Sung Ho stared at the ceiling. He was on a short leave from the army and was home visiting his family. He had had dinner with Eun Seo's family and he and Min Jae had stayed up late talking and catching up on life.

Sung Ho was sleeping in Eun Seo's bed. It had been so late when he and Min Jae stopped talking that he decided to just stay the night. It was a familiar yet strangely unfamiliar feeling. Sung Ho had been in Eun Seo's room countless times over the course of their childhood. But Eun Seo's room without Eun Seo was an odd sensation.

Sung Ho opened the closet door. On the inside of the door, the siblings had marked how tall they had been when they were growing up. Eun Seo's mark was always significantly lower than Min Jae's or Hyun Woo's. Sung Ho's growth was even recorded there as well, as he had always been considered an honorary sibling.

On the bookcase, there was a picture of Eun Seo as a six year old graduating from kindergarten. Sung Ho remembered that he had ruined the first couple shots of that photo. He kept trying to jump in and be included in the picture. Finally Hyun Woo and Min Jae had sat on him so that Eun Seo could have her picture taken alone. She had a triumphant grin on her face that reflected a joy much greater than having finished kindergarten.

Sung Ho plopped himself back down on the bed. Where was Eun Seo? He reached over to the bed side table that held her goodbye letter and read it for the hundredth time.

"Dear Mom and Dad,

I am very sorry for what I am about to do. You have been wonderful parents to me and I appreciate all you have done for me. I love you both very much. More than you can imagine.

I learned something about myself when Dad had his heart attack. I was very angry at God. I questioned how could He have allowed such a thing to happen when Dad had served Him so well and for so long. I thought at that time, if I had to choose between a life with God or a life with Dad, I would chose Dad. I realized then that my love for my family had become an idol.

I tried to pray about it and asked God to help me love my family but not more than I loved God, but in my heart of hearts, I knew I would always put you first in my life. When I was praying, I felt God was asking me to leave you for a season. That if I would fully put my trust in Him and Him alone, He would teach me how to love people, without making idols out of them.

I hope you can understand. I don't want anything, even you, to come between me and a real faith in God. Dad always says 'You can't live by the faith of your parents, it has to be your own.' I think I have to leave and trust God as my Father and my Mother and my Brother and my Friend. When I think God has released me, I will come back.

I am sorry for being such a greedy daughter that even God has to fight for my affection. I am sure this will cause you worry and heartache. Please believe that where God calls, He also provides. He will go with me and protect me.

Please don't try and look for me. I am afraid I won't have the courage to do what God is asking of me if you find me. Tell Sung Ho not to look for me either.

I love you all so very much,

Eun Seo"

It had been seven months since Eun Seo left. The family had received two letters. One came from Seoul and one had come from Je Ju. Each letter said that Eun Seo was doing well and that she was growing in the Lord and told her family not to worry about her.

Sung Ho was extremely worried about her. And he felt a bit guilty. He wished he had asked her to wait for him. He wished he had told her that he wanted to date her. He was reasonably sure that even if she did not feel all that romantically inclined towards him, she wouldn't have refused him. If he had made her promise, she would not have felt free to run off on this crazy quest. Sung Ho was tired of waiting for her to find what she thought she was looking for. He had started circulating her picture through the network of youth pastors throughout their region of the country. These youth pastors would know about all the campus ministries and young adult Christian fellowships. Sooner or later, one of them would spot her. If she turned up at any prayer gathering or retreat or camp, if she volunteered for any outreach, then they would tell him.

Sung Ho was a bit disturbed at how Pastor Lee was handling the whole matter of Eun Seo's disappearance. He seemed even a bit pleased that his daughter had to leave in order to not make an idol out of him. He seemed equally pleased with the fact that his daughter loved him so well and that she would give up on that great love, for the higher call to love God. Though Sung Ho thought of himself as fully devoted to God, he felt both father and daughter were taking things too far.

# Chapter 22

Han Gyul was tired. He still had six hours left on his shift. He needed to get a cup of coffee before he was called on to see his next patient. He got a cup of coffee from the vending machine and sought the refuge that the roof of the hospital provided.

He was on break. He liked to come to the roof and enjoy a few moments of silence and peace before going back to the emergency room where he was currently an intern. The roof was a peaceful place and it also reminded him of Eun Seo. He felt closer to her here.

Han Gyul was completely confused about Eun Seo. In his mind, things had been going well between them and then there was the night that remained obscured by a fog of drunken stupor in his mind. Then Eun Seo had gone to visit her Aunt. He had sent her a number of texts and called several times, but she had not answered one.

Han Gyul thought he must have done something rather stupid that night. He had thought he would apologize and make amends when Eun Seo returned home, but the next thing he knew, Min Jae was telling him that Eun Seo had left and not told anyone where she was going. Min Jae had said it had something to do with Eun Seo needing to find out what God wanted her to do with her life. Han Gyul had thought that was overly dramatic. He was already perturbed by not getting to see her for over a month and the fact that she had not answered or returned any of his calls or his messages.

Han Gyul had been planning on apologizing and maybe buying couple rings to smooth things over. But the idiotic way Eun Seo was acting made him feel angry. It made him feel frustrated. But worst of all, it made him feel afraid. With every month that passed, Han Gyul was coming to realize the depth of his feelings for Eun Seo, for they did not fade over time.

In many ways, during these past months he had realized just how much she influenced him. Han Gyul was a selfish person. He knew that. In the past, he felt justified in his selfishness. He deserved people's praise and attention. He never really questioned his goals or his choices. Now he found it difficult to eat at a restaurant that charged five or seven times what it would have cost to eat at streetside stall. "You could feed a whole family for what you pay just to feed yourself." Eun Seo had gently chided him once.

"I like good things. Is that wrong?" Han Gyul had countered.

"Do you think the food at a stall is not good? It tastes great. And it is fun to eat in places like that. Come and try it. It's on me."

Eun Seo had taken Han Gyul for his first taste of food from a streetside stall. She was right. It tasted good. And it was fun. And Han Gyul liked Eun Seo's smile. Eun Seo had weird ideas about everything. She had convictions about how much one should spend on clothes or how much time to waste on entertainment. At first Han Gyul thought she was prudish and judgemental. That her world was full of rights and wrongs. But slowly he came to realize that it wasn't just about right and wrong, it was because she genuinely cared. She cared about everything. Recycling, fair trade industry, the poor, the old, children needing education, AIDS babies in Africa. Everything. Her passion for life and all that was around her seemed endless and Han Gyul wanted to be an object of that great passion.

Han Gyul had striven his whole life for success and by and large he had achieved every goal he had set for himself. But after each goal he reached he felt he had to reach for another one. But when he had met Eun Seo, all that he had achieved, all that he was going to achieve, didn't seem to matter to her in the least. He was handsome. She didn't seem to care. He was reasonably wealthy. Still, she seemed unimpressed. He was smart. He was popular. What on earth did it take to move her? He had wondered and then discovered, he would have to rely on who he was and that was both a terrifying and exhilarating thought. It was terrifying in that he did not really know who he was, and what he did know of himself was not all that admirable. It was exhilarating when he thought that he could be loved for who he was instead of what he achieved.

At first Han Gyul had thought he would need to be a perfect "do-gooder" to be of interest to Eun Seo. He would need to be someone very much like Sung Ho. But the more he got to know Eun Seo the more he realized it was more important to Eun Seo to love than it was for the object of her love to be perfect. She did not demand Han Gyul to be different. She demanded that he be who he was. He wondered which was actually the harder demand to meet.

Han Gyul was trying these days to be comfortable with who he was and deciding where he wanted to change and to grow. He was trying to be and do what he imagined Eun Seo would have encouraged him to be. He thought that would be a worthwhile way to spend his time while he waited for her to return. Sometimes, as the months dragged on, he wondered if she was ever going to return. But he did not allow those thoughts to linger long. No, Eun Seo would return. She would return once she had settled her plans for her future with her Maker. And then Han Gyul would move with haste and make certain that he was a part of those plans for the future.

# Chapter 23

Joo Won was livid. He was angry with Eun Seo. And he was furious with himself. Eun Seo was only 21 years old. She was in a very difficult situation. Joo Won thought he should be more patient with her, but he truly did not understand what drove her to make the choices that she made.

Joo Won had been avoiding being home these days. He knew Eun Seo was trying to make up with him. She encouraged the cook to make his favorite dishes. She packed him special lunches. She made sure his mother did not needlessly and thoughtlessly call him at work and interrupt him. She was trying, but still he felt annoyed with her and mostly ignored her. At least he tried to ignore her. He wasn't very successful at it though. Eun Seo was occupying more and more of his thoughts these days.

Eun Seo was getting closer to her due date. But Joo Won felt reluctant even to ask her plans. Who would go with her to the hospital? If he was at work, would she even let him know she was in labor? Joo Won called home one afternoon to ask Eun Seo if she could pick up some printing from the print shop. She paused before she answered and then she said "Yes, I'll leave it on your desk" her voice sounded strained.

"What's wrong?" Joo Won asked.

There was another pause, "Nothing's wrong"

"Are you in labor?"

"No" she lied and gritted her teeth, "I'll pick up the printing and see you later." Eun Seo hung up and tried to breathe through another contraction.

Eun Seo was having contractions about every 20 minutes. She left for the print shop, and returned. The contractions were coming every 15 minutes by then. She packed her bag for the hospital and tenderly folded the little yellow pajamas she planned to put her newborn child in.

The phone rang, but Eun Seo was in the middle of another contraction and did not answer the phone. Joo Won was wondering why she didn't pick up the phone. Maybe she was still at the printer? What had been wrong with her voice before?

Joo Won decided he needed that printing now. He would go home and say it was because he needed the printed materials and then he could confirm with his own eyes that she was okay.

Eun Seo's contractions were coming regularly every 5 minutes and they were getting longer and stronger. She needed to get to the hospital. She realized too late that she should have left when the pain was more bearable. She hoped she would be able to drive. She did not want to tell her mother-in-law or grandfather because of their heart conditions. She would tell them once the baby had safely arrived. She was walking towards the door with her bag when Joo Won came in.

Joo Won took one look at Eun Seo. "You're in labor. How far apart are the contractions?"

"Every 5 minutes," Eun Seo squeaked before a contraction gripped her. Joo Won held her hand until it had passed and helped her to the car.

Eun Seo was silent on the ride except for the relaxation breathing that she did during each contraction.

They arrived at the hospital and Eun Seo was taken straight to a delivery room. One nurse prepared Eun Seo and another helped Joo Won get into a gown.

Eun Seo was struggling through the pain of a contraction when she turned to Joo Won and said "You can go, I'll call later."

Joo Won felt as if he'd been slapped, but he kept his temper in check and leaned close to the terrified girl in agony and said, "I'm not leaving you alone."

Tears came to Eun Seo's eyes and she shook her head as if to reject him, but she was gripped by another contraction. This one was so intense that she felt as if her body was being ripped in two. She held tightly to Joo Won and tried not to scream.

Joo Won leaned in close and cradled her head in his arms. "You can do this.... It's going to be okay....just rest..." He felt her body tense and knew they were in for another one. "Breathe..."

The rhythm of resting, enduring, resting, and enduring again continued for two hours. Then the nurse said they needed to call for the doctor. The baby would be arriving soon. Joo Won thought the ordeal would take a long time but he was quite relieved that after a few pushes, Eun Seo's daughter arrived safely.

"It's a girl, congratulations" the nurse placed the cheesy baby wrapped in a blanket in Eun Seo's arms. Eun Seo leaned forward and kissed the tiny head. Joo Won looked down on the tiny bundle in wonder. To him, at that moment, it seemed that _his_ daughter had arrived. She seemed the most precious thing in the world. He leaned down and kissed Eun Seo gently on the head. "Great job. You did a great job. You're amazing. I'm going to call mom and grandfather and let her know that the baby is here, safe and sound."

"No, wait just a little while. I want a chance for us to bond first, before others arrive."

Joo Won was happier than he probably should have been that she had said _us._ She wanted time for them to bond with the baby. He felt very much like a real new father. He wouldn't let himself think the obvious, that the _us_ had most likely referred to Eun Seo and her child.

"What will we call her?"

"I was thinking of calling her Sa Rang."

"That is a beautiful name. She is a beautiful girl with a beautiful name."

It was much later that day that Joo Won brought his mother and grandfather to the hospital to meet the new arrival. After visiting for a while, Grandfather took Joo Won out in the hallway for a talk.

"Eun Seo doesn't have any flowers in her room. The woman just gave you a child. Do you think that is an easy feat? Why haven't you arranged for flowers? Another thing, woman can get quite weepy after they have their first child. You just put up with whatever she says or wants for the next few months. Don't pick any fights with her. And don't get jealous over that baby. All mothers love their babies, it doesn't mean that they don't love their husbands anymore."

Joo Won was both amused and insulted by his grandfather's persistent love advice. "Grandfather, sometimes I get the feeling that you think I am not a very good husband for Eun Seo. I was going to get her flowers, I've been rather busy. I thought she was going to squeeze my hand until my bones broke, and then I had to go get you and mom, so you guys could visit. Don't worry, I already know that when your wife gives birth, you need to think about her and the baby. You don't need to worry about me so much. I am going to be good to Eun Seo."

Joo Won felt slightly guilty about his continued charade, but he also felt it wasn't really so much of a charade anymore. Joo Won planned on keeping Eun Seo and Sa Rang a part of the family. He still didn't think he necessarily needed to marry Eun Seo. It still seemed to him that marriage would please his mother and his mother's God more than he was willing to do. He still felt no need to follow convention nor did he feel the need to obey somebody else's God. He was growing stronger in his conviction that he never wanted Eun Seo or Sa Rang to be belong to anybody else but him. He felt that they were rightfully his, solely because he wanted them. He didn't see why he needed a piece of paper to prove it.

# Chapter 24

Three months after Sa Rang came home, the change in the house was evident. The dinner hour was moved to 6 instead of 7 so that Sa Rang could join the family for meals. She just sat in her bouncer near the other diners, as she was still only nursing, but it seemed important to all that she be there.

Joo Won took an eager interest in Sa Rang's growth and development. He enjoyed getting home from work early in order to hold her and play with her.

One evening, as Sa Rang tried to roll herself over, she succeeded.

"Eun Seo, come quick" Joo Won yelled. Eun Seo came running.

"Watch this" and Joo Won gently laid Sa Rang down on her belly and she deftly turned herself over on her back.

Joo Won was as proud as if he had taught her that trick himself.

Eun Seo smiled. "She's been doing it for a week now."

"You've seen her do it before? Why didn't you tell me?" Joo Won complained.

"I'm sorry. Next time she does something new, I'll call you right away." Eun Seo was amused by the disappointed Joo Won. But Joo Won was not going to be so easily appeased.

"You leave me out of everything." Joo Won continued to complain.

Eun Seo felt she needed to soothe his rumpled feelings. "How about we take Sa Rang for a walk?"

"Okay," Joo Won was pleased. Eun Seo was growing warmer towards him since Sa Rang was born. They were not talking about the future, yet both seemed to assume that the future somehow meant being together, at least in the same house.

Eun Seo put Sa Rang in her jacket and Joo Won got the stroller. They had just left the driveway, when Eun Seo remembered that they had left the diaper bag. She left Sa Rang with Joo Won and went back for the bag.

While Joo Won was waiting for her to return he noticed a tall young man dressed in an army uniform. The young man seemed to be waiting for someone. He was watching Joo Won's house with interest, and Joo Won was wondering what this young man was up to. Was he looking for someone? Joo Won got a sinking feeling in the pit of his stomach and turned to bring Sa Rang back into the house just as Eun Seo came out of the gate.

Joo Won tried to shield Eun Seo's form from the gaze of the soldier, but he was a split second too late. The soldier slowly crossed the street and stood directly in front of Eun Seo.

Eun Seo looked as if she was seeing a ghost. Her face went white and Joo Won was worried that she might faint. Joo Won's mind was frantic with questions. Most important of which concerned the identity of this young man? It was obvious that Eun Seo knew him. Joo Won felt a strange sensation of time standing still as Eun Seo gazed steadily into the eyes of this strange young man. After what seemed a long time, the young man gave a slight nod of his head, as if answering yes to some question that he read in Eun Seo's eyes, and Eun Seo slowly moved forward and was enveloped in his embrace.

Joo Won was wondering what was going on and at the same time he was mindful that this touching scene was taking place in the middle of their neighbourhood street where anybody might see.

"Shall we go inside?" Joo Won suggested.

The small party made their way back inside. Sa Rang began to protest when her jacket was being removed and she realized her outing had been cut short.

"Maybe she will fall asleep if you feed her. I'll make our guest some tea while you put her down for a nap." Joo Won's voice was deceptively calm. Eun Seo paused before agreeing to the suggestion. She didn't really want to leave Sung Ho alone with Joo Won.

"I'll be right back," Eun Seo reassured her friend.

Sung Ho nodded. "Take your time, I'll be here."

Eun Seo sat in her chair by the baby's crib and opened her blouse to nurse her. What was Sung Ho doing here? How had he found her? What was she going to say to him? Eun Seo was interrupted in her thoughts by Joo Won, who came quietly in the room and sat down next to her.

"Soldier boy is drinking his tea. I think we need to talk. Who is he? Why is he here?" Joo Won was trying to seem calm and hide the alarm that filled his heart. His real question was, "Is that Sa Rang's father?" but he was too afraid of what the answer might be, so he didn't ask.

"He is my childhood friend. We grew up together. I don't know how he found me."

"You didn't tell him where you were?" Joo Won knew the question sounded like an accusation. His increasing worry was making it hard for him to control his emotions.

"I didn't tell him. I haven't contacted him since he went into the army over a year and a half ago." Eun Seo's defensive answer put part of Joo Won's heart at ease. If she had not seen him in over a year and a half, soldier boy was not the father of Sa Rang. Joo Won felt himself relax a little.

"Why is he here?" Joo Won continued his questioning.

"I don't know. I really don't know. I asked him not to try and find me. He must have decided to look for me anyways."

"What are you going to do?" Joo Won knew he was pushing. But push he must, they needed a plan before they faced the tea drinking soldier waiting in the living room.

Eun Seo hung her head. She was close to tears as she whispered, "I don't know what to do."

Joo Won looked at the frightened young mother in front of him. He had feared this day would come. He did not glory in the fact that he had been right to worry that Eun Seo's past would catch up to them. He asked Eun Seo, "Do you trust me?"

"Yes." Eun Seo answered without hesitation.

"Then just follow my lead, and soldier boy will be on his way shortly."

"Don't hurt him," Eun Seo pleaded.

Joo Won laughed, but his face was grim. "I'm not going to hurt him. I am going to be very friendly to the childhood friend of my _wife_."

Sa Rang had fallen asleep while nursing and Eun Seo put her gently in her crib. Then she took a deep breath and she and Joo Won joined Sung Ho in the living room.

Sung Ho rose as they entered the room. Eun Seo found it difficult to meet his probing gaze. There was a brief awkward silence and then Sung Ho asked Eun Seo, "Can you introduce us?" motioning to the man that stood beside her.

Joo Won stepped forward and offered his hand, "Oh, how rude of me, let me introduce myself, my name is Song Joo Won. I'm Eun Seo's husband. And you are?"

Sung Ho started. "You're Eun Seo's husband?"

"Yes. And you are?"

"My name is Lim Sung Ho. I am Eun Seo's friend."

"Well, welcome to our home. Sorry we had to leave you on your own while we put the baby to sleep. I am happy to meet an old friend of Eun Seo's, but I must admit that I'm a bit surprised, as I've never heard her mention you."

Eun Seo shot Joo Won a look that told him to take it down a notch. Joo Won smiled innocently and motioned for them all to sit down. He deftly placed himself next to Eun Seo and placed his arm possessively around her shoulders.

"It looks like you are in the army?" Joo Won commented.

"Yes. I have half a year left." Sung Ho kept his eyes glued on Eun Seo.

"How do you like it? The army I mean?" Joo Won kept up his senseless questions.

Sung Ho turned to look fully at Joo Won. "May I speak with Eun Seo alone?"

Joo Won was taken aback by the request. In the pause Eun Seo spoke up, "He's okay, Sung Ho. Anything you want to ask me, you can ask in front of...my husband." The words _my husband_ almost stuck in her throat.

"Are you sure?" Sung Ho asked.

"Yes. I'm sure. Go ahead." Eun Seo smiled her encouragement.

Sung Ho jumped to the point. Obviously upset, he questioned. "Why did you leave? Where did you go? Why didn't you contact me?"

Eun Seo forced herself to hold his gaze. "You know why I left. This is where I came. I did not contact you because I am not ready to. I told you I would contact you as soon as I was sure."

Joo won felt like he was hearing one side of a phone conversation. He heard her words, but they made no sense to him. Sung Ho seemed to understand.

"Well, are you sure now? Are you ready to come back?"

"No, Sung Ho, I'm not. I can't come back now. I've come a long ways, but I'm still not ready. Maybe soon I'd be able to. But not now. Besides that, now I have my husband and daughter to think about."

"When did you get married? How could you get married without telling anyone?" Sung Ho was nearly shouting now.

Joo Won interrupted. "We've been married since last January." (Joo Won was mentally calculating about 2 weeks after Eun Seo had come to his house.)

Sung Ho looked at Eun Seo, "You married him two weeks after you met?"

Joo Won interrupted again, "It was love at first sight. I would have married her the day I met her if she had let me. And then we were blessed with Sa Rang."

"How old is she?"

"A month," Joo Won conveniently subtracted two months from her real age. He was secretly hoping solider boy knew nothing about babies, as Sa Rang looked nothing like a one month old.

"Are you going to let your family know?" Sung Ho gaze was fierce as he looked at Eun Seo.

"Not yet, I can't tell them yet."

"Why?"

Eun Seo needed a reason that Sung Ho would understand.

"My husband is not a Christian. We got married so quickly, and his mother is a Christian, I didn't realize that he wasn't until after everything was done. If Dad finds out I married a non-Christian, he would leave the ministry. I think I will wait until Joo Won converts. Then I can introduce him and Sa Rang to the family."

Sung Ho's eyes narrowed. Was Eun Seo lying to him? What she said was plausible, pastors tended to leave the ministry if their kids did not follow the Lord. If a spouse or child of a pastor did something that would harm the reputation of the church, quite often pastors were asked to step down from the pulpit. But Pastor Lee would have never waited for his congregation to ask him to step down. He would leave the ministry if he felt one of his children had denied their God. Still there was something about Eun Seo's story that didn't ring true. Sung Ho felt almost a stranger to his old soulmate who sat before him.

Joo Won tried to hide the shock he was feeling. So, Eun Seo's father was a pastor. Was that why she had run away?

Joo Won wanted to end the friendly reunion and suggested that Sung Ho join the family for dinner and offered him one of the guest rooms to spend the night. Eun Seo suddenly came down with a migraine and was unable to join the family for dinner. Sung Ho and Joo Won spent a tense evening together, each one trying to discover more about each other without giving anything about Eun Seo away.

# Chapter 25

Sa Rang was not sleeping thought the night yet and it was 3 a.m. when Eun Seo walked the cranky infant around in the dark. She'd reentered the main part of the house in hopes of getting her to fall back asleep. Pacing the cramped bedroom she shared with Sa Rang got boring after a while, so this was her habit in order to change the scenery a little. She ran into Sung Ho, who had gotten up to get a drink of water.

Sung Ho asked, "Can I hold her?"

"Sure," Eun Seo passed her cranky daughter to Sung Ho. Sung Ho gently patted the infant and bounced gently as he slowly paced the room. Sa Rang seemed to quite with his efforts. "You're a natural," Eun Seo complemented.

Sung Ho flashed a cheeky grin, "Of course, all girls like me."

Eun Seo laughed. It felt good to be on more natural and friendly terms with Sung Ho. "I should put her back to bed," Eun Seo said, reaching for her daughter.

Sung Ho turned the infant gently away and out of her reach. "Not yet. Let me hold her a bit longer. And I want to talk to you before Joo Won wakes up."

Eun Seo knew it was dangerous. She should go back to bed. But she also wanted a chance to catch up. She had missed Sung Ho so much in this past year. It was so comforting to be in his calming presence. She agreed to stay a little longer, against her better judgment.

Sung Ho and Eun Seo sat in the semi darkness. It was Sung Ho who broke the silence. "I haven't been able to sleep. I just keep thinking about what you've told me. That you are married, that this is your daughter, that you are not coming home." Sung Ho paused, he sighed and then continued, "Somehow I get the funny feeling that you are lying to me." Sung Ho felt Eun Seo stiffen beside him.

"And I don't care," Sung Ho hastened to calm Eun Seo.

"Well, I mean, I do care. But I understand. If you are lying, you must have a good reason. You would never lie to me. You would never stay away from your family without a good reason. I don't know what is going on. I wish you would tell me. But I'm not going to try and find out. I won't make you tell me anything until you are ready. I want you to know that I would anything for you. If you are in trouble and you need my help, I'll do anything."

Eun Seo was looking down at her hands folded in her lap. Her tears were silently falling.

Sung Ho knew he had her full attention and he continued.

"I don't know what you have been through this past year, but this past year without knowing where you are has been hell for me. Not one day have I been able to go to sleep in peace. I think you are in some kind of trouble and it hurts me that you won't tell me, that you won't trust me."

Eun Seo put her hand on Sung Ho's arm. "I trust you. You know I trust you."

"Then why won't you let me help you?" Sung Ho pressed his plea.

"Eun Seo, I would marry you, if that's what you need." Sung Ho shifted the sleeping baby in his arms. "I will work hard to support you and Sa Rang. Please trust me. Come home with me."

Eun Seo was sobbing in earnest now. Sung Ho held Sa Rang in one arm and took his other arm and wrapped the sobbing Eun Seo in a comforting embrace.

Joo Won had awakened from sleep a few minutes before, walked out into the main floor, and was listening to the young friends that sat together in the darkness. Joo Won strained to hear Eun Seo's response.

"Thank you Sung Ho. Thank you for loving me, for standing by me, for being my friend. But you can't help me. Try and understand, if I hurt my dad, I don't think I could live in this world. If he had to leave the ministry because of me, I would never forgive myself. Never. I can't marry you. Everyone knows this child is not yours. Everyone knows you've been in the army for the past year and a half. Sung Ho, I've conceived a child out of wedlock. There is nothing you can do to fix that."

Sung Ho was a bit shocked at her revelation, but he also felt a moment of satisfaction. She _had_ been lying. "I can try and fix it. We can say that it is my child. We can say that you came to visit me. We can say that we got married before I left for the army. We can say we tried to hide it until I got out of the army."

"No. Your dad would disown you and my dad would still leave the ministry. And besides that, you still need to go to college. I'm not going to ruin my best friend's life just because I was stupid."

"If you were my wife, than that would be the best thing that could happen in my life. My life would not be ruined...my life would be perfect." Sung Ho protested.

"No, Sung Ho. I've thought a long time about this. I have made a terrible mistake. But it is my mistake. And my mistake alone. I will solve it and I will solve it without hurting anyone I love."

"You think that disappearing isn't hurting anyone?! I've been half out of my mind this past year. You are hurting me, and you are hurting your parents and your brothers."

Eun Seo leaned into Sung Ho's embrace. "Please. Please try and understand. This is the best I can do for all involved."

Sung Ho crushed Eun Seo to him. "Don't ask me to leave you and go have a happy life without you. I told myself long ago that you may end up marrying somebody that wasn't me. I was going to be okay with that, because no matter who you married, you would have always loved me the longest. No one would be able to take my place. But I am not okay with this. Who is Joo Won to you? Does he love you? Does he deserve you? No, Eun Seo. You need to be with someone who will cherish you. Let me find a way. I will find a way."

Eun Seo felt as if she were falling. The hopelessness of her situation had threatened to sweep her away many times before but always she had made herself move ahead and take the next step. But now, with Sung Ho's comforting arms and familiar voice she was afraid. No, it was more than fear, it was weakness. She had been so strong for so long and now she wanted to give in to that tempting weakness. To let some else share her burden was so tempting. She had come so far alone, but she was tired of fighting on her own. It would be so easy to give in. To let Sung Ho talk her into going back to parents that loved her, to brothers that loved her. All these long months she had felt herself the friendless, homeless orphan that she claimed to be. And in Sung Ho's arms she felt the warmth and protection of home.

Sung Ho sensed her waver. He wanted to make her change her mind. "Before I left for the army, I wanted you to promise me that you would wait for me. I wanted to ask you, but I thought it wouldn't be fair to make you wait two years. I have regretted not asking you to wait for me every day since you ran away. I was wrong. This is my fault."

"It is not your fault." Eun Seo was almost too tired to fight anymore.

Sung Ho leaned close and gently kissed Eun Seo on the cheek. "I love you," he whispered, "Come home with me. Whatever problems the future has, we will face them together."

Joo Won had been leaning in closer to hear what Sung Ho had whispered. He knocked into a table and a book fell and landed on his toe. Joo Won yelped in pain.

"Ahhh!" Joo Won hopped into the room holding his injured foot. "Wife, get me a bandage! I think my toe is broken!" He bellowed as he hopped around in pain.

Startled, Eun Seo was grateful for the reason to escape. She fled the room to get the first aid kit.

While Eun Seo was gone, Joo Won calmed down quickly and asked Sung Ho when he would need to return to the army base.

"I have to leave tomorrow morning to get back to base," he replied.

Joo Won tried to hide his smile. Tomorrow morning could not come soon enough for Joo Won.

# Chapter 26

Eun Seo was worried about what life would be like with Sung Ho knowing where she was. She worried that somehow he would accidently let her parents or brothers know where she was. But she need not have worried. Sung Ho treated his secret carefully. And having Sung Ho know her situation turned out to be a great relief to Eun Seo.

Sung Ho often sent her text messages to the number in his phone that was labeled "Mystery." Eun Seo had labeled his number "Refuge." The connection to home and the world Eun Seo used to know brought her a sense of confidence. It was a reassuring thought that Sung Ho knew where she was and was keeping in contact.

While Sung Ho's appearance had brought comfort to Eun Seo, Joo Won was greatly disturbed by the revelation of Sung Ho's existence. When Joo Won lay down to sleep at night, he often replayed in his mind the words that Sung Ho had whispered into Eun Seo's ears. "I love you, come home with me. Whatever problems the future has, we will face them together."

Ever since Sung Ho had appeared, it seemed to Joo Won like Eun Seo was avoiding him. She was polite and dutiful as always. Almost too polite. It also seemed like she was trying to keep Sa Rang away from him. Sa Rang no longer appeared at dinner. Eun Seo and Sa Rang ate separately from the rest of the family. Eun Seo had said that it was because Sa Rang was getting older and it was hard to keep her quiet at the table, but no one had complained about the noise. In fact Grandfather was bothered by the fact that his granddaughter and great-grand daughter no longer ate with him, but oddly he didn't complain too much. Joo Won wondered why? Did Grandfather know something he didn't?

Joo Won was working at his desk when Eun Seo returned from an evening prayer meeting at church. She was carrying the baby in one arm and a bag of groceries in her other arm. Joo Won stood to help relieve her of her burdens. When he reached for Sa Rang, Eun Seo turned away from his reach while saying "That's okay, I've got it." Joo Won stopped for a moment and looked intently at the young woman in front of him. "I wanted to help, it seems like your arms are full." It was a simple phrase, but his words were loaded.

Eun Seo returned his look. "I've got it," She answered firmly, and moved past Joo Won to the kitchen to put the groceries away.

Joo Won went back to his desk and stared at his computer. He couldn't concentrate on his work. He was thinking of Eun Seo. It was three little words softly but firmly spoken. "I've got it." Yet they sounded to him like, "I don't need you, I don't need your help, I won't be staying here, I've got somewhere to go, I'm not helpless, homeless, or friendless."

Joo Won remembered his offer of help to her. He had said that she could live with him alone. That he would give her a place to stay and help her get an education. He felt a sick feeling in the pit of his stomach. His previous idea that he had thought was the essence of kindness and concern now felt like an offer of some kind of human trafficking. Why hadn't he seen his offer for what it really was? Taking advantage of a girl who had no one to protect her. Had the appearance of Sung Ho given her the courage to face the future without his help? Was she planning on leaving when soldier boy got out of the army?

Joo Won had thought of himself as non-conventional. He was a man who wouldn't do things just to please his mother or because it was expected of him. But he had not thought of himself as wicked. He was not the type to take advantage of someone, especially not someone as young, innocent, and vulnerable as Eun Seo. But the appearance of Sung Ho had brought about many previously unknown revelations. Eun Seo's dad was a pastor. She had brothers. She had friends. Somehow that made Joo Won see her differently. Before he had liked what he had known of her, but it was the kind of feeling a master has for a stray dog. It was a sincere feeling, but all the decisions, all the resources were his. These last few days were not only disheartening because Eun Seo seemed distant. These last few days were worrisome because it was apparent now that Eun Seo had real choices. She didn't have to take any old bone her master threw. For now, she was continuing to choose to stay with him and his family, but he had no idea how much longer she would continue making that choice.

Joo Won rose from his desk to pace the room. He was regretting the offer he had made. He was being to understand how degrading it must have been for Eun Seo to hear him utter such words. At the time he felt that he had been the one who was being honest about their situation. And at that time he had felt Eun Seo was a prudish idiot. But now, that soldier boy's words rang repeatedly in his ears, haunting him. That was how a real man spoke to a real woman. "I love you, come home with me."

Could he have said those same words with as much fierceness and earnestness? Joo Won was nearly fifteen years older than Sung Ho, yet it was Sung Ho who seemed like the real man in his handling of Eun Seo's situation, the only one between the two of them who had shown any real love.

Joo Won could hear Eun Seo working in the kitchen. He went to see what she was doing. Eun Seo looked up from the dishes she was washing.

"Could you make me some tea?" Joo Won asked.

Eun Seo moved about, putting the kettle on the stove, preparing his cup, and getting out the tea.

"Make yourself a cup too and bring it to the living room. I'd like to talk with you." Joo Won turned and left to wait for Eun Seo.

Eun Seo set the tea on the table. Joo Won noticed that there was only one cup.

"You didn't want any tea?"

"No."

Joo Won sipped from his cup. He wanted to say sorry. He wanted to say he had been a jerk. He wanted to tell Eun Seo that she could trust him. That he hadn't been thinking straight. He wanted to say that she shouldn't keep Sa Rang away from him. Instead he said, "Can you tell me about your dad?"

Eun Seo was taken aback by his question. She was quiet for so long that Joo Won thought she wasn't going to answer him.

"My father is the greatest man I have ever met. Maybe other people don't think he is that great when they first see him. He is not really handsome, and he is not very tall. But he is really smart. The best thing about him is the way he loves people. Not in a wishy washy kind of way. But in a deeply profound sort of way. When he looks at me, I feel I am the most special person on the earth. But I know that is the same look he has for my mother, my brothers, and his congregation. He can make everyone he loves feel that they are uniquely special to him, because they are."

"Would he really leave his ministry just because of Sa Rang?"

"Not because of Sa Rang, but because **I** had her and I am not married. A leader in the church has to first lead his family well. If he can't control and guide his own daughter, who could trust him to lead the church?"

"That seems really harsh to me. I am not a churchgoer, but it seems like they should support you and your family when hard times come. Not kick your dad out of a job."

"It sounds harsh, but it makes a lot of sense. And it might be that our church would want dad to stay in his job. But I know my dad, he wouldn't do it. If he had reason to believe he was unworthy to lead his congregation, he would step down, even if they begged him to stay."

"Can he do anything else? I mean does he have another line of work?"

"When he first married my mom, he was a teacher. Maybe he could teach again. Actually, I know that no matter what, Dad will be okay. He is that kind of person. The problem is, I won't be okay. I wish I could own up to the mistake I've made. I wish I could look into the eyes of the people I love and respect most in this world and tell them that I've transgressed against all that they hold most dear. I think this fault is even worse than the first mistake I made."

"You really can't tell them?"

"I can't. I just can't. I think I can imagine living my whole life without seeing them again. But I can't imagine facing them with the truth."

"Would they be that harsh with you?"

"No, not at all. If they would beat me or curse me, maybe I could face it. But they will only be hurt. They would never take their hurt out on me or Sa Rang."

Joo Won and Eun Seo sat silently, each mulling over their own thoughts. Finally Joo Won asked another question.

"What would have to happen for your dad to be able to keep his congregation and you to be able to go home?"

"Dad, and everyone else, would need to believe that I was married when I conceived Sa Rang."

# Chapter 27

Sung Ho dropped into his bunk exhausted. He was grateful for his hard busy days that left him little room for thinking. But always, in these brief moments before he would fall asleep, his mind wondered what to do about Eun Seo.

He was formulating his plan. In six months he would be released from the army. He had planned on entering a university, but how would he be able to do that with Eun Seo and a baby? Maybe he should find a job that didn't require a college education. But then, would he really be able to support his family?

Sung Ho had thought about becoming a doctor like Eun Seo's older brothers, but medical school was a long, hard road for regular students. Would he really be able to do it with a wife and child to care for?

Every night he mulled over the problem and finally he thought he had come to a solution. It wasn't a perfect solution and it had its risks but it just might work. If only Eun Seo would cooperate with his idea. He was reasonably sure that she wouldn't. That was one downside to knowing her so well, he could hear her misgivings without even talking to her about it. It was two months until his next leave. He would talk to her then. And he would pray that he was wrong about how she would respond.

And far away in her room, Eun Seo was thinking of Sung Ho. What was he thinking? He had said before he left that he would find a way. Could Sung Ho find a way out of this impossible situation?

Eun Seo knew he would. But what kind of way would he find? Eun Seo had not been at all shocked that he had offered to marry her, or that he offered to be a father to her child. She was well aware that Sung Ho would do anything for her, as she would for him. And there was the dilemma. Just as fiercely as Sung Ho needed to protect her and help her, she felt equally the need to protect him. It was a novel idea that she needed to protect him from his own devotion to her. But she could never let him sacrifice himself for her.

Eun Seo thought of Sung Ho's mom and dad. They had been like second parents to her. She couldn't hurt them. If Eun Seo had loved him a little less, maybe she could have humbled her pride a bit and conceded to the fact that he was the best shot she had. But just like she was not willing to be Han Gyul's life-long mistake, she was unwilling to be her best friend's downfall. But how could she avoid it? Sung Ho succeeded in anything he set his mind to. And when she had watched him leave last time, it was all she could do not to run after him. It wasn't because of any romantic feelings for her soulmate, it was just that incredible tie to home that he represented. To watch him walk away and to let him go was almost unbearable. She would need something that would make it impossible for her to follow him. Something that would help her stay strong.

# Chapter 28

Joo Won was finishing his breakfast. He felt almost happy that morning. Sa Rang was awake and playful as he got ready for work. He loved to see how she was developing and changing. When Eun Seo had come to take Sa Rang out of his arms so he could finish getting ready for work, the infant protested.

"See, she likes me!" Joo Won had gloried in the affirmation.

"That's because she is too young to know better." Eun Seo had teased back. And the atmosphere was very much like a happy family getting ready for the day and Joo Won felt an uneasy satisfaction. It had been over two months since Eun Seo had had her visit from the "soldier boy". Joo Won knew that Sung Ho kept in contact with Eun Seo. That was what contributed to his uneasiness. When Joo Won had known that someday her past might show up, it had concerned him. But after he met the tall, handsome, obviously smitten soldier boy, he was filled with a deep dread. When Joo Won had used to speculate what kind of past might pop up, he had always envisioned something negative. Maybe an abusive boyfriend? Some loser that left Eun Seo in her predicament. He had never dreamed that Eun Seo would have run from a perfectly nice young man that loved her. How could he hope to compete with a past like that?

Eun Seo followed Joo Won to the door and as he was leaving she said, "Sung Ho has a couple days leave, he said he was coming for a visit."

"Oh," Joo Won tried not to sound concerned, "When does he arrive?"

"He should be at the bus station by 6 pm, could you pick him up on your way home from work?"

Joo Won stared at the mom and baby in front of him. It had been just seconds before that he had felt content and joyful just to be with them as he prepared for work. He had the strongest feeling that he was losing them, like they would vanish as mysteriously as Eun Seo had one day appeared. Joo Won felt it so unfair. Eun Seo and Sa Rang were a part of his family now. It was his family who had provided them shelter. It was his mother and grandfather who had accepted her when she needed help. Why should that soldier boy be plotting to take her away now?

Eun Seo was waiting for him to say something. She wondered at the fierce gaze that stared hard at her. What was he thinking?

Joo Won reached out to take Sa Rang and Sa Rang came happily into his arms. He hugged her small body to him. "No!" his mind shouted. No one was going to take his fake wife and daughter from him. However they came to be here, they were his now and he needed to find a way to turn the charade into reality.

Joo Won had been silent so long that Eun Seo repeated her question, "Can you pick him up?"

Joo Won handed Sa Rang back to her mother and turned and headed for his car without answering her question. If soldier boy was coming to try to steal his wife, he could find his own damn ride, he thought, as he stomped off to the car.

Eun Seo wondered what had upset Joo Won. Apparently, she would need to meet Sung Ho at the bus station. She also needed to get her mother-in-law to her Wednesday night Bible study, which started at 6:30. She didn't know how to be in two places at once. She decided that she would ask Sung Ho to wait until she got there, and she would drop her mother-in-law off a bit early and then neither one would need to be too inconvenienced.

Eun Seo rushed through her day. She made a few extra side dishes that were Sung Ho's favourites. She had to make two extra trips to the store because each time she had forgotten to buy a key ingredient. Eun Seo was excited, nervous, happy, and filled with dread when she considered what this evening might hold. She tried to calm herself as she said goodbye to Grandfather and got her mother-in-law safely off to her study.

When Sa Rang and Eun Seo arrived at the bus station, Sung Ho had been waiting for over 30 minutes. Eun Seo was apologetic, but Sung Ho just gave her hair a friendly ruffle and presented Sa Rang with a small pink teddy bear with a camouflage shirt which read "The best guys are army guys."

After dinner, Joo Won was working at his desk and watching Sung Ho play with Sa Rang in the living room. Sung Ho picked up Sa Rang and carried her to Joo Won.

"I need to talk with Eun Seo. Would you mind watching Sa Rang? We might be late. Would you mind putting her to bed?"

Just as he was asking, Eun Seo appeared from the kitchen. She had been cleaning the last of the dishes. Before Joo Won could answer Eun Seo said, "No, don't bother Joo Won. He has work to do. You can talk with me here. And Sa Rang likes it if I put her to bed. Plus, Grandfather takes his medicine better if I give it to him."

Joo Won had not wanted to babysit while his wife went out with another man, but when she made it so obvious that she thought him an incapable babysitter, he felt the need to persuade them to go.

"No, you two go and talk. I can take care of Sa Rang. Actually, she likes me better than Eun Seo when she gets sleepy. And don't worry about Grandfather, I think I can handle him for one night, " Joo Won said with a confidence.

"Thanks, man." Sung Ho grinned. Sung Ho turned to Eun Seo, "Let's go."

# Chapter 29

Eun Seo and Sung Ho sat in the back of the coffee shop, as far as they could get from other customers.

Sung Ho decided to just jump in. "I have a plan and I want you to listen to the whole thing and I don't want you to give me an answer right away. I want you to think about it and pray about it and after you have time to think it over, then you can answer me."

Eun Seo did not want to hear this plan, she tried to prevent it by presenting a plan of her own. "Sung Ho, I am happy here. I am happy as a member of the Song family. For now, they need me and I need them. I am not ready to go home. For now, this is the best place for me."

Sung Ho knew this wasn't going to be an easy conversation. He had told himself many times that no matter what, he must make his case.

"Ok, maybe for now, this is the best thing for you and Sa Rang, but I want to talk about the future. Please just let me explain my plan, all the way through. You can ask your questions at the end."

"This sounds like you want me to buy a time-share vacation home," Eun Seo quipped.

"Just listen," Sung Ho commanded.

"I am thinking of applying for schools in the United States. I have a good chance at a scholarship through our denomination for my undergraduate degree and then I will try and get into medical school."

Eun Seo was a bit shocked at the idea of Sung Ho going to school in the United States. His English was okay, but not at the level of going to university in English. She wondered how going to university in the United States helped anything, but she didn't ask. She would dutifully wait until he was done talking.

"You and Sa Rang can come and join me. No one will know us there. I will have a student visa and you can get a spouse visa. My dad will pay for my living expenses, and we will make that amount work for all of us. After I graduate, we can think about coming home or we can try and find a job overseas."

"After I graduate, we will say that you and I married before I went into the Army, and that we were surprised by this pregnancy and we didn't know what to do, so we hid it. They will forgive us after all that time has gone by, and by then we would have been married long enough and maybe we will even have more grandchildren to present them with." Sung Ho gave an embarrassed smile at the thought of more children.

"We will try and keep this a secret until I can get through school, because my parents were planning on paying for my school anyways. But if something happens and they find out, then we will figure it out, maybe take out loans or I can get part-time work."

"You would need to remain out of contact with your family, at least until I can get some or most of my education finished. We can think about if we should take out loans to pay for your education, but then we would need to pay for childcare as well, so I don't think we can make that decision yet. We will need to wait and see how things go. "

"So, you and Sa Rang can stay here until I get settled, then I will bring you there."

Sung Ho finished his speech and took a sip of his coffee. He couldn't bring himself to look at Eun Seo. He took another sip of coffee and then looked over at his dear friend. Eun Seo was sitting with her hands folded in front of her, eyes staring down at her coffee. She was not surprised. She knew Sung Ho would figure out a way. And he had. It was risky, the Korean community was very connected. Even in America, they could get caught. But his story was plausible. Forgiving children that married early and unexpectedly had a child was conceivable. This would protect both their families and it would ensure a good future for them.

Sung Ho began to fidget. Although he had told Eun Seo he didn't want her to answer right away, he was at least hoping for a reaction.

"Well?"

Eun Seo did not want to hurt Sung Ho. But she knew that no matter what she decided, she was going to hurt him. She took a deep breath and began, "Sung Ho, you hate English. You love Korean food. How would you survive in America? And someone is bound to tell your folks you are hiding a wife and daughter in America. There is no way we could keep this secret. But even if we could, even if you could survive America and we could keep this a secret. I don't want to marry you."

"Why?" Sung Ho had known she would refuse, still, it hurt to hear it.

"I think, maybe it is because I am too proud. I can't disappoint your parents who have been like second parents to me. I can't get you involved in something that would hurt them."

"Even if it hurts me if you don't?" Sung Ho pushed his point.

Eun Seo hung her head, she knew this was going to be hard. How could she make Sung Ho understand? She felt tears coming but she tried to fight them. Crying wasn't going to help, she could cry later when Sung Ho was gone. Now she needed to try and help him understand.

"Could you ask me to hurt my family, to disappoint all my relatives and friends, to bear shame for a sin I didn't commit? Could you ask me to do that?"

Sung Ho didn't answer. He knew he would never ask that of Eun Seo.

"If you couldn't, then how can you think I could do all of that to you? I can't....I can't...." Eun Seo was sobbing in earnest now, "I can't... please don't ask me... I could never do it."

Sung Ho reached across the table and took her hand, Eun Seo tried to pull her hand away but he held it fast. "Are you telling me that you love me too much to make me the happiest man in the world by being my wife? Is that supposed to make sense to me?"

Eun Seo voice sounded like a plea, "Sung Ho...."

"No. I am not going to make this easy on you. If you are going to turn me down cold, if you have the heart to walk away from our lifetime of friendship, then do it. Otherwise, cooperate with the solution."

Sung Ho had told himself to keep his cool, but his desperation was making him push his idea too hard.

Eun Seo was scared. Would she really lose Sung Ho? When she had first left home, she had been willing to give up everyone. But now that Sung Ho had found her, she wasn't sure she would live through losing him again. But she also was not wrong. She could not allow Sung Ho to sacrifice himself for her. She would never forgive herself.

Eun Seo stood. She couldn't bring herself to look at Sung Ho. "I'm sorry...I'm so very sorry..." she wailed, then she turned and fled from the coffee shop.

# Chapter 30

Joo Won had just finished getting Sa Rang to sleep when Sung Ho returned to the house.

"Where is Eun Seo?" he asked.

"She's not here?" Sung Ho looked worried and confused. "She left before I did, I thought she would have made it back before I did. I'll go look for her." Sung Ho turned to head back out the door.

"No. You stay here with Sa Rang. I'll look for her." Joo Won pushed past him and sprinted in the direction of the coffee shop. He ran for some ways, and then his senses caught up to him. He had no idea where he ought to be running. He stopped and called Eun Seo.

"Where are you?!" he bellowed as soon as she answered his call.

"I'm at the park." Her voice sounded strange, like she was crying.

"Stay there, I'll be there in a minute." Joo Won turned and ran in the direction of the park. His thoughts ran almost as fast as his legs. What had that soldier boy said to her to make her cry? Why hadn't she come home? Joo Won saw her sitting on a bench under a streetlight. She wasn't crying. She was staring straight ahead. Her chin set at a determined angle. There was something in the way that she was holding herself that filled Joo Won's heart with dread. It looked like she was steeling herself for a battle. But against whom, that's what Joo Won wondered. Slowly, he approached the bench. As he neared, she rose to greet him.

"You didn't need to come out. I was coming home." Eun Seo announced as she started walking in the direction of their house.

Joo Won reached out and grabbed her arm to stop her. "Hey, wait a minute. First, tell me what happened. Why didn't you come home with Sung Ho? What did he want to talk with you about?"

Eun Seo turned her steely black eyes on Joo Won. Softly, she answered, "Let's go. Sa Rang may wake up and need to be fed."

"You aren't going to answer me?" Joo Won's anxiousness was turning into anger.

"No." was her clipped reply.

"Eun Seo! What is going on?" Joo Won demanded.

Eun Seo turned so that Joo Won could not see her face and replied coldly, "I have wounded my closest and dearest friend. With my own hands I have destroyed the friendship of a lifetime. And I did it because I am too proud to own up to my own mistakes. I am an awful person, I don't think I can live...and yet I know, because of Sa Rang, I cannot die. I hate the person I'm becoming. For the first time in my life, I wish Sung Ho was not my friend. I wish he could just hate me as he should. But he won't. He could never hate me. No matter what I do, he will always stand by me, and it is so suffocating that I feel I can't breathe. How do I make him understand? Why must I hurt him so?" Somewhere in the midst of her speech, all of her firm coldness and control had dissipated and Eun Seo was crying in earnest now.

Joo Won didn't understand what she was talking about. Something about being an awful person, something about hurting Sung Ho. Mostly he was struck with the utter despair in her voice. Eun Seo, the brave and cheerful girl. The girl that could tame his grandfather and face being a mother all on her own. This utterly defeated Eun Seo was unrecognizable to him. Joo Won didn't understand, but he had to do something, something that would bring Eun Seo back to herself.

Joo Won pulled the sobbing girl into a comforting embrace. Eun Seo struggled, but Joo Won held her firmly. "Shh, don't cry, it will be all right," He whispered. "Don't worry. Don't worry about soldier boy, he's a big boy, he'll be alright. You didn't mean to hurt him. Don't cry." Joo Won kept up a steady stream of comforting words. He was not even sure what he was saying. He was just trying to ease the distraught girl back into a more stable frame of mind. He stroked her hair while he continued his soft reassurances. "It's okay. Everything is going to be okay."

Eun Seo's soul-wrenching sobs continued, and Joo Won's tears began to flow in sympathy for the deep pain he did not fully understand. Gently he brushed the hair from her face, so that he could see her eyes. Her nose was red and her eyes looked swollen from crying. She looked a mess and for some reason, that made Joo Won smile. He looked deep into her swollen eyes, smiled and leaned forward and gently kissed her forehead. "Let's go home."

Eun Seo let herself be led home. She stopped before they entered. Joo Won knew what she wanted even without her saying anything. "I'll make sure the coast is clear, then you just go straight to your room. You won't have to see Sung Ho tonight."

Eun Seo nodded and waited outside. Soon Joo Won reappeared outside and led Eun Seo to her room. Sa Rang lay sleeping in her cot in the corner of the room.

"Get some rest. Don't think any more tonight. Things will look better in the morning." Joo Won said.

Eun Seo was afraid if she spoke, she would start to cry again, so she nodded and fell into a fitful sleep.

# Chapter 31

Eun Seo felt sick when she woke up the next day. The emotions and stress of the day before had taken their toll. She rose early to prepare breakfast, but had become nauseated and had gone back to her room before finishing the meal.

It was noon, and when she still had not made an appearance, Sung Ho knocked on her door. "Come in," Eun Seo replied.

Sung Ho took in his friend's dishevelled appearance and the dark circles under her eyes and felt a tinge of regret for pushing his case so hard the day before. He knew they had yet another difficult conversation ahead of them, and he wished he could give her some time to recover, but he needed to leave that afternoon to return to base, so he readied himself for yet another battle.

Sung Ho sat on the edge of her bed. Eun Seo had her face turned to the wall, so Sung Ho could not see her face.

"Eun Seo, I meant what I said. I want you to come to America with me. I want to marry you. And I also know you meant what you said, that you would never do that to my family. Even before I asked you, I thought that was what you would say. I told you I would think of a way to fix this. And I do have another idea. I am going to tell Han Gyul where you are."

Eun Seo sat straight up in bed and screamed, "NO!"

"Listen!" Sung Ho yelled back. "Listen until I am done talking. I went to visit Han Gyul before I came here. He is waiting for you to come back. He showed me the rings he bought for the two of you. He said he doesn't know why you left, but he is getting ready for your return. I don't know what happened between you two, but I know he is willing to make you his wife. We could tell the folks that you two secretly married and then you ran off when you knew you were having Sa Rang. I'll vouch for you, and I'm sure Min Jae would too if we asked him."

Eun Seo was near to panicking, "Did you tell him where I am?! Did you tell him about Sa Rang?!"

"No, I didn't tell him anything... yet. But I feel he has the right to know. The man is waiting for you Eun Seo. You left without saying one word. I know what kind of hell that is. That is not right. I am still furious at Han Gyul, and the pain of not knowing where you've been this last year, he deserves it. But enough is enough. You either have to take him back and let him take responsibility or you have to let him go and let him move on with his life."

Eun Seo was covering her face with her hands. She did not want to hear these words from her friend.

Sung Ho pulled her hands away from her face and looked into her tear-filled eyes, "Last night, you let me go. I think that is going to hurt for a good long time. But I will be 'okay'. Neither you nor Han Gyul is going to be able to get past this as long as you keep hiding. I am going to tell him where you are, and then what happens from there will be up to the two of you."

Eun Seo grabbed Sung Ho's arm, "Please, please don't. No. You don't understand. Please!"

Sung Ho pushed Eun Seo's hand away from his arm and held her small hand in his. He stared at that little hand and then leaned down and slowly kissed it. When he looked up, there were tears in his eyes, "I wish I was not the one to have to hurt you. I wish it had been Min Jae or someone else who had found you first. I never wanted to make you cry, but Eun Seo, even if you hate me after this, I will not stand by and let you lose your family and all you hold dear. I told you I will find a way. And even if I lose you, even if you never speak to me again. I will find a way."

Sung Ho stood and turned to leave. Eun Seo jumped from the bed and held firmly to him, her arms locked around his waist. She leaned her head against his back and pleaded over and over, "You can't. You can't tell him. Please. I am begging you. Please."

Sung Ho felt his heart being ripped in two. He was not a man to shirk what he saw as his duty. No matter what it cost him, he would do what he felt was right. Still if he could be merciful, he would.

"Will you go to America with me?" he offered, already knowing what her answer would be.

"No," came the tortured answer.

Sung Ho reached down and pulled Eun Seo's arms away. He turned and pulled her into his embrace, "I'm sorry. I don't know if that will mean anything to you now, but years from now, when you remember today, I want you to remember that I'm sorry and I love you. It kills me to do this, but I know it's the right thing. I hope someday you'll realize that."

Eun Seo crumpled to the floor as Sung Ho turned and left the house.

# Chapter 32

Sung Ho returned to Seoul. He went directly to see Han Gyul.

Han Gyul had been surprised by Sung Ho's text asking him to meet with him. He asked a colleague to cover his shift at the hospital and he waited in the coffee shop where they had agreed to meet. Han Gyul was sure this had something to do with Eun Seo. Maybe today he would finally hear news of where she was. He tried to keep calm. Sung Ho had just said that they needed to talk. But he had not said what it was about. Han Gyul was coaching himself not to get his hopes up. It had been over a year since he had last seen Eun Seo. His hopes had been dashed a number of times in that past year.

Sung Ho saw Han Gyul through the glass doors of the coffee shop. He was sitting with his back to the doors. Sung Ho hesitated. Was he doing the right thing? He could hear Eun Seo's pleading voice. Maybe he should just walk away. Who was he to tell Han Gyul what Eun Seo didn't want him to know? He could picture her in his mind, begging him not to tell Han Gyul. Sung Ho slowly took another step towards the coffee shop. "You can do this. You have to do this." His mind tried to encourage him. "Please...please...don't!" he could hear Eun Seo beg as if she were standing right next to him.

He took one more step towards the coffee shop. Sung Ho felt himself losing the battle. He turned around and began walking back to the bus stop. Just as he was turning, Han Gyul saw him and ran to catch him. Han Gyul reached out and grabbed Sung Ho's arm just as he was boarding the waiting bus.

"Why are you leaving? You said you needed to talk to me." Han Gyul was still holding Sung Ho's arm.

Sung Ho sighed. Where he had been weak, it seemed God had given him a second chance to do what he lacked the courage to do.

"Let's talk after we have our coffee," and Sung Ho led the way back to the coffee shop.

With two steaming cups of coffee on the table the two men stared at each other. Han Gyul was trying to be patient. He was waiting for Sung Ho to say something. Sung Ho reached into his pocket and pulled out a small piece of paper. On it was an address and a telephone number.

"What's this?" Han Gyul questioned.

"It is Eun Seo's contact information."

"You know where she is?!"

"Yes. And I would ask that you not share that with her brother or the rest of her family."

"Did she ask you to give me this?"

"No. In fact, she begged me not to." Sung Ho was frank in his admission.

"Then why are you giving this to me?"

"Because I think I should."

"Why?"

"I prefer not to answer that question."

Han Gyul looked at the young man across from him. Han Gyul had often been irritated by the close relationship between Eun Seo and her childhood friend. Han Gyul knew that Sung Ho would do anything for Eun Seo. This revealing of where she was must be for Eun Seo's benefit in some way. Yet Sung Ho had said that Eun Seo had begged him not to give it. What did that mean?

"Does Eun Seo want to see me?" Han Gyul questioned.

"No, I don't think that she does."

"And you are not going to tell me why you gave me this address and phone number?"

"Nope."

"Are you going to tell me how Eun Seo is?"

"No."

"If you are not going to tell me why, I should just give this paper back to you. I want to respect Eun Seo's wishes. I want to wait until she wants to come home. She asked us not to look for her."

"Well, that is up to you. I am not telling you what to do with that information. If you want to tear it up or throw it away, or wait for her to show up on her own, be my guest." Sung Ho rose and left the coffee shop.

Sung Ho half-hoped Han Gyul wouldn't do anything. Maybe he wouldn't call or visit. Sung Ho felt he had done his part. The rest was up to Han Gyul.

# Chapter 33

Han Gyul walked back to the hospital. His hand was in his jacket pocket making sure the scrap of paper was still there. He stopped halfway back to type the number into his phone. He told himself he wouldn't call it. He just didn't want to keep worrying about losing that little scrap of paper.

After Han Gyul got back to the hospital, he tried to concentrate on his work. But now that he had a way of contacting Eun Seo, he could think of little else. He had four more work days in his schedule. Then he had two days off. He was thinking of taking a trip to the countryside. If Sung Ho had seen Eun Seo, it was only fair that he should get to see her too.

The four days passed in agony for Han Gyul. This past year he had been occupied with finishing medical school and then starting his internship. He had waited semi-patiently for Eun Seo's return. But now that he had a way of finding her, all his patience was gone. What would he do if she still was not ready to come back? He was tired of this "go and find out what God wants me to do with my life" crap. He learned from church the God wanted girls to serve and follow their husbands. So, he would tell Eun Seo, that they should think about getting married. And that she should think about how to be the best doctor's wife she could be.

The more he thought about it, he was really very angry at her callous treatment of him. He could forgive her because she had run away from everyone, but after he had her safely back where she belonged, he would make sure she never did anything like that again.

Han Gyul tried to imagine what seeing her would be like. Would she run into his arms and beg him to forgive her? Han Gyul smiled as he tried to imagine a contrite Eun Seo. It was too hard to imagine. Would she wave and invite him to come along and help paint rooms at the local orphanage? Yes, that would be a much more likely scenario. As the days passed, Han Gyul grew more excited and more anxious. A lot could happen in a year. Was it possible that Eun Seo had met someone else? Han Gyul thought of Eun Seo as a very loyal person. But to be fair, he had never made any official declaration. He hadn't wanted to be an official "couple." He hadn't talked to her parents or introduced her to his parents. If she had found someone else, could that have been considered cheating?

Han Gyul was making himself crazy. He decided that thinking and imagining was not helping anything. He was just going to have to wait until he saw her. They would have a lot to catch up on.

Friday morning Han Gyul boarded the bus. It was a four hour ride. He had decided not to send a text or give Eun Seo any warning of his visit. He was reasonably sure that she would be a bit put out with him since she had asked that no one come looking for her. He had the couple rings packed along that he had purchased months ago. He would be sure to leave no room for doubt this time.

Han Gyul was nervous as he rang the bell at the spacious residence. It was a beautiful home. Han Gyul wondered why she had made this her home. An older lady, nicely dressed, came to answer the bell.

"Hello, may I help you?" Hye Jin asked the stranger at her gate.

"I'm looking for Eun Seo. I was told she was living here."

"Eun Seo? How do you know Eun Seo?"

"I used to go to church with her." Han Gyul stumbled on the excuse. In all his thinking about meeting Eun Seo, he hadn't thought about what to say to the people she lived with. He had no idea if they knew where she was from.

"Oh, you're a friend from her old church. I see. We haven't met many of her friends. Won't you come in? I think she is out taking Sa Rang for a walk."

"Sa Rang?"

"Yes, her daughter Sa Rang loves to go for walks. But she should be back soon."

Han Gyul's mind was racing. Eun Seo had a daughter! Han Gyul followed Hye Jin into the house.

"I will show you to my son's place, his house has a separate entrance. That is where Eun Seo stays. I'm sorry I won't be able to wait with you, but my friend is picking me up for choir practice. But if you wait here, Eun Seo should be back very soon."

Hye Jin left Han Gyul waiting in the living room with a cup of tea.

Han Gyul walked around the house after Hye Jin left. He was looking for evidence of Eun Seo. Did she really live here? On the coffee table was a large framed photo of an infant girl. "Is that Sa Rang?" he wondered.

Eun Seo had her arms full of Sa Rang and two bags of groceries. She was keeping up a steady stream of chatter with her unhappy daughter. "Just a minute, Darling. I'll feed you in just a minute. Let mommy put the groceries away in the refrigerator, now don't cry Honey...you won't starve...there, all done. Now mommy can feed her precious princess."

Eun Seo came out of the kitchen with the fussy Sa Rang in her arms. Her shock was complete when she saw Han Gyul rise from the couch. The two stared at each other for a few moments, and Sa Rang began to cry. Eun Seo began to automatically bounce the infant on her hip and asked "What are you doing here?"

"I came to find you." Han Gyul was still trying to understand who the infant in her arms was. As Sa Rang's wails increased, Eun Seo said, "Wait here. I'll come back after I feed her."

"I'll wait."

Eun Seo went into her bedroom and locked the door. Not that she was afraid Han Gyul would have followed her. Somehow the lock just made her feel safer. Eun Seo absentmindedly began to nurse Sa Rang and frantically wondered what she should do.

"I should call Joo Won," was the only coherent thought she could come up with. Eun Seo picked up her cell. What would she say? Could she ask him to come home and scare Sa Rang's father away? She put the phone down. No, she would not call Joo Won. She would have to face this on her own.

Sa Rang fell asleep after she had eaten her fill. Eun Seo slowly laid her down in her crib. She stood watching the sleeping infant for a while. "I'm sorry darling. I am so very sorry you were born to such a mother. You are absolutely perfect. You deserve to be surrounded by proud grandparents, to be doted on by your uncles, to live in a home where you are loved by both your mom and dad. You deserve to never be the subject of gossip. I hope someday you will forgive your mom for how stupid she is."

Eun Seo braced herself before she opened the door and walked into the living room.

"Would you like some tea?" she offered Han Gyul.

"No, the lady that let me in already gave me some."

Han Gyul had been thinking about the baby he had seen. He couldn't hold his questions any longer. "Whose child is that?"

"She's mine." Eun Seo replied simply.

"Yours? What do you mean?"

"Sa Rang is my daughter."

Han Gyul sat back on the couch. His legs seemed unable to hold him.

"How old is she?"

"Old enough," Eun Seo replied, an awkward evasion at best.

"You are not going to tell me how old she is?"

"No, I'm not. There is no reason for you to know."

"Are you sure there is no reason for me to know?" Han Gyul put the question bluntly.

"Yes, I'm sure."

"You're lying."

Eun Seo wanted to change the subject. "Why are you here?"

"I told you, I came to find you."

"Yes, but why? Why did you need to find me?"

Eun Seo faced him with a stubborn tilt to her chin and the question she asked had a tone as cold as ice. Han Gyul felt oddly like smiling. This was his good ol' Eun Seo. This brush off was one of the things that had attracted him to her. If he had hoped for a warm reception, he could give up on that hope now.

"I needed to find you, because I missed you." Han Gyul smiled his most charming smile.

Eun Seo was angered by that flattery that used to make her heart race. Han Gyul had always been selfish. She used to think it was a sign of affection to be missed. But now she knew it to be a form of selfishness. He didn't miss her because he wanted to be with her or because he wanted to protect her or because he wanted to take care of her. He missed her, because she wasn't there to do those things for him.

"I think you had better go. And please don't tell my family that you found me."

"Eun Seo, I am not leaving. You need to explain who Sa Rang is, and why you left and why you haven't come back. Your family and I have all been waiting for you to come back. Were you even planning on coming back?"

"I don't need to explain my plans to you," Eun Seo insisted.

Han Gyul was getting desperate. How was he going to get Eun Seo to let down her wall and talk to him?

"If you don't talk to me. I am going to call Min Jae and tell him where you are." Han Gyul coldly threatened.

Eun Seo had thought she didn't harbour any bad feelings towards Han Gyul. She had not blamed her circumstances on him. She had made some bad decisions, and she was willing to live with the consequences of her actions. But as he stood before her in all his fashionable clothing, speaking in his polished manner of speech, belittling the sacrifice she had made for him and her family, she felt more than a little bitterness towards the man before her.

"If I talk to you, do you promise not to contact my family?"

"I promise."

"My employer will be home soon. Would you mind waiting at the coffee shop just down the street? I'll come after I have given Grandfather his medications. I should be able to be there by 8:30." Eun Seo was already wondering how she would explain going out so late at night to Joo Won.

"I'll be there."

# Chapter 34

Joo Won had a strange phone call from his mother. Apparently some dandy had stopped by the house saying he was an old friend of Eun Seo. Joo Won wanted to leave immediately to find out who this new visitor was, but he had back-to-back meetings all afternoon. He was able to cut his last meeting short and was out the door heading home in record time.

Han Gyul was walking out of the gate when Joo Won arrived. Joo Won slowly took in the appearance of the young man in front of his home. He was tall and well-dressed. He seemed very different from soldier boy. Joo Won stepped forward to introduce himself. Joo Won did not know if he was meeting friend or foe, but he was happy he had not arrived a minute later, or he wouldn't have gotten the chance to meet him at all.

"Hello, my name is Joo Won. Song Joo Won. That is my house you are coming out of. Who are you here to see?"

"Hello, my name is Han Gyul. Kim Han Gyul. I was here to visit Eun Seo."

"Oh, how do you know my Eun Seo?" Joo Won questioned.

Han Gyul wondered at the man questioning him. Was this Eun Seo's employer? Why had he said "my Eun Seo"? Han Gyul tried to determine what kind of person stood before him. His dress was professional, but not fashionable. He seemed like he was maybe in his mid- to upper thirties. What was his relationship with Eun Seo?

"We are old friends," Han Gyul answered evasively.

"So you saw her and now you are leaving?" Joo Won hoped the answer to his question would be in the affirmative.

"No, I am just on my way to the coffee shop. Eun Seo was going to meet me there later. She said she needed to give an old man some medication first."

Joo Won didn't want Eun Seo going off to the coffee shop with this Pretty Boy. The mental slur he gave Pretty Boy brought a slight grin to his face. He enjoyed the derogatory names he bestowed on Eun Seo's friends. Soldier Boy and this Pretty Boy both disturbed him. He thought he should keep a close eye on him as long as he was around.

"You should come back to the house, and talk with Eun Seo there. That way Sa Rang won't miss her mother." Joo Won suggested.

Joo Won led Han Gyul back into the house. Eun Seo was surprised to see Joo Won and Han Gyul seated and talking in the living room when she returned from giving Grandfather his evening medications. Her shock was so complete that she stood routed to the floor and said nothing as she watched the two men chatting. Joo Won rose and crossed the room to greet her. His one eyebrow was raised in question, but other than that he showed no signs that something was out of the ordinary. As Joo Won neared Eun Seo, he gave her an almost absentminded hug and asked in a husbandly manner how her day was and how Sa Rang had behaved that day. It was much like any husband would greet his wife after he returned from a long day at work.

"Honey, I met your friend on his way out. I have asked him to stay. I hope you don't mind." There was just a hint of evil mockery in Joo Won's words.

"No, I don't mind," Eun Seo answered, even though she minded very much.

Han Gyul was greatly wondering at the exchange he had just observed. What kind an employer hugs an employee once he has returned home? Why did he call her 'honey'? Just what had Eun Seo been up to this past year?

"Good. Could you prepare some fruit? And then we can visit in the living room."

While Eun Seo was in the kitchen, Han Gyul was wondering how he was going to get to speak to Eun Seo alone. He had so many questions for her, and he didn't want to try and find out what he needed to know in front of this stranger. Han Gyul was surprised when Eun Seo appeared with the fruit that Joo Won excused himself to his home office, saying he had some pressing matters to attend to and he left the two alone to talk.

Han Gyul began, "I don't know exactly what has happened to you this past year, but I have my guesses. I don't want to assume. Please tell me, slowly, everything that has happened since we last saw each other."

"If I do, will you go away and forget that you saw me?" Eun Seo bargained.

"No. I don't want to promise. First, I need to know what has happened. Then, let's decide together what the best thing to do would be."

"I've already decided my future, there is no need for us to discuss it together."

"Please, Eun Seo, I don't want to fight, just answer my questions. Why did you leave?"

Eun Seo hung her head in defeat. She was not going to get out of this. She took a deep breath and began her story. She told it almost as if she were talking about someone else. With no tears or outbursts of anger, she told the tale from the very beginning until the present. She tried to be as detailed as she needed to be for him to understand. After she finished she looked up at Han Gyul. He was sitting there in disbelief.

"I'm a father?" he asked incredulously.

"No, you are not a father. A drunken one-night stand does not make you a father. Sa Rang doesn't have a father," Eun Seo answered firmly.

"You should have told me," Han Gyul reproached.

"Why? Why did I have to tell you? So you could ask me to get rid of her, or so that you would feel forced to marry me? Or so that you would give me money to ease your conscience? No, there was no reason for me to tell you." Eun Seo's fiery eyes dared him to challenge her words.

Han Gyul stared at Eun Seo. What she said sounded so harsh, yet was it true? What would he have done if she had told him? Certainly he would not have been happy about it. He thought that most likely he would have asked her to get rid of it, even though he would have known that she wouldn't. He would have felt that he needed to marry her. One does not get the daughter of a well-loved minister pregnant and just walk away. In this past year he had thought many times that he wished he had been more official and open in his relationship with Eun Seo. Han Gyul also remembered his conversation with Min Jae, when he said that he saw no reason for a man to pay with his life for a simple mistake. Han Gyul felt himself a very selfish man, but also an unjustly treated man.

"You still should have told me. Neither one of us can say for certain what I would have done. Maybe I would have been a jerk or maybe I would have come to my senses, even I don't know. But you didn't even trust me enough to give me a chance." Han Gyul felt his need to complain stronger than any need to apologize.

"I needed to think about several people, not just you. I needed to protect the baby, and my dad, and you, and me. I had to think about what was best for everyone."

"And running away was best?!"

"Yes. Dad would have needed to leave the ministry if anyone found out. You would have been interrupted in your goal to be the great doctor. I would have been the cause of hurting you and my dad. I couldn't bear that. If running away protected the people I loved, then that was the best thing to do."

"So, what happens now? Are you ever coming back?"

"I would only come back if I could come back and not hurt the people I love. Right now, I don't have a way of doing that, so I can't come back just yet."

Han Gyul, deep down, still felt that a man should not have to pay with his life for a simple mistake. But when he looked at Eun Seo, he didn't see a mistake. He saw the woman that he loved. The mother of his daughter. He felt keenly a sense of profound regret, and a rising panic.

"Will you let me see you and Sa Rang? Maybe we can figure out a way for you to be able to come back and for us to be a family."

Eun Seo looked at the floor. She felt the tears begin to slide down her cheeks. "No, Han Gyul, I don't want you to see me or my daughter. I am sorry to hurt you. I don't know if you can forgive me, but I will not let my daughter be someone's mistake. She is a treasure of incalculable worth. Only the person who sees her as such would I allow to be her father."

Han Gyul was staring at the large photo of the baby on the coffee table. Maybe he could come to think of her that way, after he got used to the idea of her existence.

"Han Gyul," Eun Seo continued, "I don't know if you will understand, but I think one reason you strive so hard is because you think of yourself as your father's mistake. You can never relax and be content with who you are or what you have achieved. It is like you have to make it up to your father for being born. I don't want that for Sa Rang. If she ever calls a man 'father,' I want that man to be someone who would gladly have died for her. If she ever calls a man 'father,' I want her to bask in the knowledge that her mere existence means the world to him. I can't let her be hurt by never fully being able to know that her father wanted her."

"Are you saying there is no hope for me? That I will never be Sa Rang's father? That I lost you both and you get to decide that all on your own?"

"Han Gyul, when I first found out that I was expecting, I thought it was God punishing me for disobeying Him. The day I saw Sa Rang, I knew it was God saying He still loved and trusted me. Sa Rang is the proof of how much God loves me. I think maybe you think that I must hate you, or I blame you, but I don't. I just need to do what is best for my child. I want you to be happy and healthy. I don't blame you. Don't worry about us or wonder about us. We will be fine and you will be fine too."

Han Gyul hung his head in his hands and quietly sobbed, "What if I can't be happy without you?"

"You can. You have to be. You are doing everything you set out to do. Remember, I faced this all so bravely, all by myself. You have to at least be happy to pay me back."

"You said you have Sa Rang as proof God loves you. What will I have? When I have reached all my goals, what will that mean when I have lost the woman I loved and my own child? If Sa Rang is the proof of God's love, isn't this proof that God considers me a fool?" Han Gyul's sobs wracked his body. Eun Seo came closer to comfort the man she had once loved. She held him until his sobs slowed.

"Please Eun Seo, don't do this. There has to be a way. I can't lose you. Being the great doctor, having the money, it isn't going to mean anything. Tell me you'll give me a chance to be a good husband to you and a father to Sa Rang."

Eun Seo couldn't bring herself to speak. She just shook her head.

Finally, Han Gyul asked "Can I see her?"

"She is sleeping."

"I won't wake her. I just want to see her before I leave."

Han Gyul and Eun Seo stood at the side of Sa Rang's crib. Han Gyul tried to keep back his tears. He had thought the worst thing that could happen to a man was if he had to pay with his life for a mistake he made in the passions of youth. He never thought how gut-wrenching it would be to not to be allowed to embrace accidental fatherhood.

Sa Rang began to stir as she seemed to sense people close by and Eun Seo pulled Han Gyul away from the crib and out of the room.

Eun Seo walked Han Gyul to the door. "Can I call you?" he asked.

"I would prefer it if you didn't. You need to go on with your life. That is why Sung Ho gave you my address. He said it wasn't fair to keep you waiting."

The mention of Sung Ho made Han Gyul angry. "Will Sa Rang be calling Sung Ho 'daddy'?" He asked bitterly.

"No." Han Gyul was surprised by that answer.

"Why not? I though Sung Ho would have jumped at the chance."

"He offered. I refused the offer. I don't want Sa Rang and I to be someone's mistake and I don't want us to be someone's duty either. I just want us to be loved."

"You are stubborn, proud, idealistic, and you are wrong. I loved you. Sung Ho loved you too. You can't dictate every aspect of love. Love can contain a mistake and still be real, or it could be a duty and still have true passion. You have a strict fantasy definition of love that no one will be able to meet. You tell me I have to be happy, and I don't know if that is possible, maybe it is, maybe it isn't. I will try. But you, you need to allow someone to love you, without all your purist limitations."

Eun Seo was stung by his words. Was it pride that drove her decisions? Was she wrong to conclude that real love contained no mistakes and no obligations?

"Han Gyul, please be happy. I want you to be happy."

Han Gyul held her in a tight embrace. He did not want to let her go. He feared this might be the last time he ever held her. Finally, he released her and turned and walked away.

# Chapter 35

Han Gyul had been back in Seoul for over a week. He tried to focus on his patients, and while he was busy, he could almost distract his thoughts from Eun Seo and Sa Rang. It was the time when he was not working that was the worst. Tonight his shift ended at 6 p.m. and he could not bear the thought of an evening alone with only his thoughts. He uncharacteristically called his dad and arranged to meet him.

Han Gyul's father was pleased to be asked to dinner by his son. He did not see him often. After dinner they strolled along the walkways in the park. After they had walked for a while, they stopped to rest on a bench.

Han Gyul's father asked, "Is there something bothering you?"

Han Gyul sighed. He couldn't tell his dad what was bothering him. Instead he asked him a question. "Do you regret marrying Mom?"

"What?! No! You and your mother meant the world to me." Han Gyul's father was wondering what had prompted that kind of question.

"But you could have been a doctor, you could have done so much if it hadn't been for me and mom." Han Gyul protested.

Han Gyul's father gazed a long time at his son. Was this what had been driving him all these years? He had often wondered what was behind the incredible drive to achieve that his son had. Had it been because he needed to achieve what his father had failed to do?

Han Gyul's father shifted uncomfortably. It was not his custom to speak openly and freely with his son. But there was something frightening in Han Gyul's manner and that pushed the usually reserved and quiet man out of his shell.

"Han Gyul, you just sounded a bit like your grandmother. 'You could have been a doctor if...' I think I heard her say that every week of my married life. My mom had great plans for me. But they had always been her plans, not mine. When I met your mother, it was love at first sight. I had no greater ambition than to make her my wife, but my mother thought she would ruin my life. That I would never finish medical school if I got involved with her. But when your mother was expecting you, I was so happy because then I knew there would be no choice. My parents would have to let me marry her.

"It was very hard on your mother. When she came to live with her in-laws, my mother constantly berated her for ruining my life. I guess I was a little complacent and did not realize how much it hurt her. Every time there was the smallest difficulty in our life, my mother would blame your mother. I was happy working in my father-in-law's business, but my mother saw that as a complete waste of her precious son.

"I should have moved us out sooner. I should have stood up for your mother more. But I didn't want to disappoint my mother more than I already had and slowly your mom began to resent me. Because my mother took all my faults and failings out on her and I didn't protect her. I feel very sorry to your mom. After your grandmother passed last year, I saw your mother smile a real smile for the first time in 26 years. Lately, I've even heard her laugh. I don't regret marrying your mom. I regret not protecting her. I regret all the years that she had to bear the blame for my failures as her own. I regret that I took someone's precious daughter and allowed them to be an object of derision. If I could have looked past my own happiness and felt more of her despair, I could have guarded all of us."

Han Gyul's father paused to look at Han Gyul. Han Gyul was looking at the man he had called father all his life as if he were seeing him for the first time, and what he was seeing did not please him.

"Don't think too poorly of me. I really did and still do love your mother. I just was too unaware or immature to know how to protect what really mattered to me. I hope you will do a better job when you meet that special someone."

Han Gyul could not keep the bitterness out of his voice, "Grandmother always said I was just like you, only that I would succeed where you have failed. I think she meant that I would be the great doctor that you weren't. But I think it has turned out that I have failed where you succeeded."

Han Gyul's father wondered what he meant. But he chose not to ask. The young man beside him seemed very different from his normally arrogant, purposeful son. This young man seemed pained, confused, and defeated.

# Chapter 36

Grandfather was worried. He was not seeing as much of Eun Seo and Sa Rang as he would have liked. And what he did see concerned him. Eun Seo had recently been getting strange visitors from her past, and Grandfather was worried that they had come to try and take Eun Seo and Sa Rang away.

Grandfather had not been deceived like the family had long assumed he was. He had known from Eun Seo's first day that she was not Joo Won's wife. Why had he pretended to accept her? Sometimes he didn't know why he had done that. Maybe because he was bored. Maybe because he felt guilty making his sickly daughter-in-law work so hard to take care of him. In the beginning it was fun and Grandfather was just trying to make it easier on his relatives who were so bent on fooling him.

But in the weeks and months since Eun Seo's arrival, Grandfather had noticed the change in the Song household. Everyone was happier. Eun Seo had somehow brought a peace to the home. The change that he noticed the most was in Joo Won. The old Joo Won seemed to have felt the need to be at odds with his mother. It was as if he thought that if he ever let his guard down and forgave her failings, he would somehow be dishonouring his father's memory. But somehow, Eun Seo had made Joo Won see his mother through more compassionate eyes and it was like the opening of a flood gate. When Joo Won had begun to accept his mother, he also began to open up to others in his life.

Grandfather saw the remnants of his grandson as he had been before his father had died. If Eun Seo left now, what would happen to Joo Won?

Grandfather paced his room. When he had become convinced that Eun Seo should become his real granddaughter, he had started giving relationship advice to Joo Won. It seemed like Joo Won was going to need more help than a few tips. Grandfather shook his head as he thought of his grandson. Back in his day, he reflected, he would have made a decisive move and made the girl his before she had too much time to think about it. Grandfather wondered why Joo Won couldn't figure out a way to romance a young girl living under the same roof.

Grandfather could feel himself aging. These days every movement took more thought and energy. He wanted to see things settled. He felt he didn't have time to wait. What could he do that would bring these two together? This was his obsession these days. He would succeed where his grandson had failed. He would be sure to ensure that Eun Seo and Sa Rang never left the Song family.

Eun Seo wondered what was wrong with Grandfather. He was difficult at all his meals. He fought about his medication every night. Eun Seo was at her wits' end. Today had been the worst, grandfather had thrown his lunch all over the dining room, and Eun Seo had told him that if he was going to act that way, he wouldn't be allowed to come down for dinner. Eun Seo had spoken without thinking, and she really had no heart to starve an old man and not give him dinner, but really she couldn't give in to him or she would be cleaning up after his tantrums for the rest of his life. Eun Seo called Joo Won.

Joo Won picked up his phone with annoyance. But when he saw the caller was listed as "wife" he smiled. Eun Seo almost never called him. He wondered what had prompted this unusual contact. "Hello, Dear," he smiled as he knew the term of endearment would aggravate Eun Seo. "How can I help you?"

"You can get your grandfather to behave himself!" Eun Seo sounded angry.

"Okay, start at the beginning, what's happened?"

Eun Seo told her tale of woe. Joo Won was glad that Eun Seo could not see his face. Several times in the telling, he smiled. His grandfather was quite a guy. Definitely not someone who could be ignored.

"What should I do?" Eun Seo asked.

"Well, I'll back you up on the threat about dinner, but, honestly, I think Grandfather is probably just lonely."

"Lonely? Why would he feel lonely?"

"Well, you've been distant lately. Mom, Grandfather, and I all think it's because you are tired from taking care of Sa Rang and your recent visitors. Maybe we should plan a family outing and that will put Grandfather in a better mood."

"He throws his food at me and you want me to plan him a picnic?" Eun Seo was incredulous.

"I'm not defending him, I'm just saying what I think might help. When you first came, he was as good as gold. I think that was because you had time for him. Now, he might feel a bit worried that you don't care about him anymore. I've heard that old people can be pretty jealous and petty. But we can't let him starve, so we need to get back to him cooperating with you." Joo Won said logically.

"And that's my responsibility?!" Eun Seo wasn't feeling at all sympathetic towards her elderly nemesis.

"No, that's our responsibility. How about I take the day off tomorrow? We will all take the train to the beach." Joo Won cajoled.

"So if I throw a tantrum are you going to pacify me with a day trip?" Eun Seo asked peevishly.

"Yes, if when you are 91 and I am 105 and you seem to be a little cranky, I will take you on a day trip." Joo Won smiled as he wondered who was harder to pacify, a 21 year old or a 91 year old.

"I want to go to Je Ju" Eun Seo said decisively.

"Tomorrow? No, we won't have time for that."

"Not tomorrow. When I'm old. I won't make it so easy on you. I won't be pacified with just a trip to the beach."

Joo Won laughed. "Okay, I'm glad you warned me. I'll save all my frequent flier miles just for you. But don't grow too cranky when you are old and wrinkled. Old cranky men are eccentric. Old cranky women are just cranky."

"That's not fair."

"Not fair, but true."

"Can you bring Grandfather home some dinner? Sneak it in to him so I don't know about it. I don't really want him to go hungry."

"I was planning on it."

"Thanks."

"See ya later." Joo Won hung up the phone. Eun Seo had sounded really mad when she had first called, but he had been able to calm her down. It was fun to think about Eun Seo as an old woman. Would that beautiful young girl ever be old? He would like to watch that happen. Joo Won sighed. How much longer would Eun Seo be around? Would he be able to let her go when the time came?

#  Chapter 37

Grandfather woke early the day of the outing. He felt excited at the thought of a day trip. He had laid out his clothes the night before and was up and dressed before the rest of the house was stirring. Today the family was taking the train to the beach. The weather was still a bit chilly in the mornings, but by the time they had arrived, it should be just warm enough to stroll the beach. It was too cold to think about getting into the water, but the fresh air and the beautiful sight of the sea was appealing enough.

Eun Seo and Hye Jin worked on packing a lunch for the day. Joo Won had told them not to bother, that they would just buy whatever food they needed. But Grandfather had wanted a picnic. He thought a picnic seemed more like a holiday.

Eun Seo double-checked Sa Rang's diaper bag. She packed 3 changes of outfits, just in case. And an extra sweater and blanket in case the weather was cooler than expected. Joo Won began to load the car with the stroller and numerous bags that contained food and extra clothing and other outing necessities.

"Are we moving?!" Joo Won complained on his fourth trip out to the car.

"I don't want to carry all this stuff. We can just buy what we need. We will be on the train, we will have to carry all this stuff along with us all day. Can't we leave some of it home?"

Hye Jin eyed her fussing son, "Don't ruin the mood with your complaining. We all want to enjoy our day. Is it too much to ask you to carry a few things?"

Joo Won did the rest of his complaining under his breath. This would certainly not be a holiday for him. With his grandfather and mother he was sure they would have to stop to rest every 15 minutes and with Sa Rang needing to sleep and eat far away from the place she felt most comfortable, Joo Won thought today would be an exercise in endurance.

Finally, the slow-moving group was on their way to the train station.

It was past lunch time by the time they had chosen their picnic spot. It was behind some large rocks on the beach. The rocks provided a bit of shelter from the cool breeze. It was a sunny and reasonably warm day, but the wind off the water had a bit of a chill in it, so it was nice to be slightly out of the wind.

Eun Seo had just gotten Sa Rang to fall asleep in her stroller and Grandfather had eaten his fill and was resting on the beach mat. Eun Seo reached for another piece of _kimbap_ and noticed Joo Won gazing at her. Eun Seo held out the _kimbap_ , "Do you want more?"

"No, I'm satisfied." Joo Won was satisfied in more ways than one. He had eaten his fill of the picnic, but he felt a satisfaction deep in his soul. He was happy. He had a feeling that this would not last, but at least he had today.

"Why don't you two go for a walk? I can keep an eye on our sleepers." Hye Jin offered.

"Are you sure?" Eun Seo didn't want Hye Jin burdened with either Grandfather or Sa Rang if they woke up.

"I'm sure. Just don't go too far."

Eun Seo looked at Joo Won, "Should we?"

"We should," he replied, and the two left to stroll the beach. As soon as they left the shelter of the rocks, the wind cut through their thin jackets.

"Are you cold?" Joo Won asked as he saw Eun Seo shiver.

"No," came her confident reply. Joo Won laughed.

"Would you ever admit to me that you were cold, or tired, or hungry, or sad?" Jon Won questioned.

"Why would I tell you those things?" Eun Seo questioned back.

"Because I want to know." The two walked on in silence, each keeping their thoughts to themselves. Joo Won did not want to spoil their walk and he was trying to think of something for them to talk about.

"Grandfather keeps talking about prayer these days, do you know why?" Joo Won ventured.

"Really, that's strange. He hasn't said anything to me, I have no idea why he would be talking about prayer." Eun Seo replied, honestly mystified.

"He asked me, what happens when one man prays for a sunny day for his son's outdoor wedding and his neighbour prays for rain because his crops need rain?"

"Interesting question. What did you say?"

"Well I don't like to pretend that I would know what God would do or how he handles things like contradictory prayers. So I asked him if he wanted mint or camomile tea with his crackers?"

Eun Seo laughed. "Good dodge."

"But it did get me thinking. Let's say two men love the same woman, and both promise God that if He just lets the girl marry him, he will serve God the rest of his life. If two people ask for what only one can have, what happens?"

"I didn't think you were a man of prayer." Eun Seo was surprised that Joo Won had brought up a religious topic.

"I'm not. But still I'm curious. What happens? If both are the same, like both of them are the same in terms of being good people, how would God solve a dilemma like that?"

"I can't say for sure, but my grandmother used to say that people blame God for things He doesn't do and that they ask Him for things He doesn't give. I'm not sure it's God who would decide who the girl would marry. I don't think God is in the magic love potion business. Wouldn't who the girl marries be up to the girl?" Eun Seo hazarded.

"But if you prayed about it, wouldn't God do something to make it turn out the way the guy who was praying wanted it to turn out?"

"I'm not sure, but I don't think that is how prayer works. I think that would make God into some kind of magic genie instead of God. I think God lets people decide who they will love and who they won't."

"Well, Grandfather is going to be very disappointed to hear that."

"Why?"

"Because he told me what he's been praying for."

"What?" Eun Seo was trying to process the significance of what she had just heard. "Did he tell you he converted?!"

Joo Won laughed. "Yes, he told me months ago and made me promise that I wouldn't tell you or Mom, I think Grandfather likes to make his life more exciting by telling each of us to keep secrets from the others."

Eun Seo shook her head in disbelief. "He is so naughty. Just like a kid. So what is he praying for?"

"For you to be the real Song daughter-in-law."

Eun Seo stopped walking and turned to face Joo Won, "He knows? He knows I'm not your wife? Since when?"

"He told me he's known from the very beginning. He just went along with it because he knew Mom really did need help. He decided it was in his best interest to play along."

Eun Seo felt confused. What was she supposed to do with the fact Grandfather knew she had been lying all this time?

Joo Won sensed her discomfort. "It's okay. He really likes you. He is just praying that the lie he has gotten used to would become the truth."

Joo Won paused to say what had been on his mind but he had not found the courage to ask, "Shall we? Shall we help Grandfather get the answer to his prayer?"

Eun Seo was not sure what Joo Won was asking. "Are you asking me to marry you?"

"Yes. Will you marry me?"

# Chapter 38

Han Gyul found himself sitting with Min Jae at Faith Baptist Church. He had not been there for many months. He sat through the service. He remembered his first time of coming to church and how odd it seemed. Somehow today, during the songs he did not feel awkward, rather, while listening to the now familiar melodies, he felt comforted.

Min Jae asked him to go to lunch after the service and they made plans to meet up at the coffee shop across the street from the church. On the way out of church, it was customary to shake hands with the pastor upon exiting. As Han Gyul was shaking hands with Eun Seo's father, he asked Han Gyul, "Young man, would you have time to talk with me a while?"

"Certainly, Pastor." Han Gyul wondered what Eun Seo's father wanted to talk about.

"Could you wait in my office until I finish dismissing the congregation?"

"Sure."

Han Gyul found himself in Pastor Lee's office. On his desk, Han Gyul noticed a family photo. He picked it up and looked at the obviously happy family. Han Gyul felt guilty as he waited to meet with Pastor Lee. He felt he had unintentionally harmed this man of God.

Han Gyul had been waiting for at least 15 minutes when Pastor Lee finally arrived.

"Thanks for waiting. Would you like some tea?" Pastor Lee offered.

"No, thank you."

"I think we have not been properly introduced, I am Pastor Lee. I am Eun Seo's father."

"Nice to meet you. I am Han Gyul. Kim Han Gyul."

"So, you are friends with my son Min Jae and my daughter Eun Seo."

"Yes, sir. I was lab partners with Min Jae and he introduced me to Eun Seo."

"Well Han Gyul, you might be wondering why I asked to talk with you. I noticed you in the service today, and you seem a young man with a lot on his mind. If you need someone to talk to, I'd be glad to listen."

Han Gyul stared at the man in front of him. He wondered how many other people he had met with in this office. How many other tales of woe had he listened to? Han Gyul would have loved to have been able to share his troubles with someone, but there wasn't anyone he felt free to share his burden with. Especially not Eun Seo's father.

"I'm fine sir, but thanks for taking the time to talk with me."

"Okay, before you go can I share something with you? Sometimes we go through our own hard times, but sometimes our hard time is standing by a loved one going through a hard time. That can be tougher than if it was our own difficulty. There are times when those we love might be having a really hard time. I, and others, have called those seasons 'dark nights of the soul.' Sometimes these dark nights were caused by the person's own wrong choices. Those are the ones that are the hardest to recover from. Because there is no one else to blame other than yourself. For people facing that kind of dark night, the toughest thing for them is to come to terms with their own shortcomings. They must get to the point where they can acknowledge their failures and mistakes. For those of us who love those walking through a dark night of the soul, there is nothing we can do but pray and wait. Those who are never willing to face their part in the dark night, they never get to see the dawn that follows the night. I'm waiting for someone I love dearly to prepare to meet the dawn. It is taking longer than I expected, but I am hopeful that the night is almost over and the day is near."

Han Gyul was not sure he understood a word the pastor was saying. He was not good at figuring out illustrations. Pastors like word pictures. Dark nights followed by dawns sounded like something from a poem, but was it really a message? Did he know about Eun Seo? Did he know about Sa Rang?

"Young man, when I saw you today. I thought you may be tempted to give up. The saying goes that it is always darkest before the dawn. Take this old man's advice, the only thing from which we don't recover in life is giving up. Don't give up."

Pastor Lee rose and escorted Han Gyul to the door of his office.

"If you want to talk with me, remember my door is always open."

"Thank you, Sir, I'll remember. Goodbye."

Han Gyul walked slowly to the coffee shop where he was meeting Min Jae. What had that conversation been about? Was Pastor Lee saying to wait for Eun Seo? What did he know? What did he mean by telling him not to give up? It seemed to Han Gyul that Pastor Lee must know everything, yet if he knew, why didn't he go and get Eun Seo?

Han Gyul got an idea. It was a long shot, but he had the support of Pastor Lee himself. Han Gyul normally went after whatever he wanted to achieve with great dedication. He decided Eun Seo would not get away so easily.

Han Gyul took out his phone and called Sung Ho.

# Chapter 39

Eun Seo was very tired when she finally pulled the covers up to her chin. The day's outing had been enjoyable, but exhausting. By the time she had gotten Grandfather to bed and Sa Rang asleep, she could barely move. But as she lay in the darkness, her thoughts returned to her conversation with Joo Won.

"Will you marry me?" She kept hearing that question replaying in her mind.

Joo Won had told her to think about it and let him know. They had walked back and found Grandfather had woken up and his hips were hurting from sitting on the uneven ground. The rest of the day had been spent trying to get the tired party home.

Eun Seo was still in shock that Grandfather had known all this time that she was not really Joo Won's wife and had never let on that he knew.

Eun Seo thought about Grandfather's prayer, that she would become the real Song daughter-in-law. Eun Seo was quite sure that was not how prayer worked. She had been taught that you can't use prayer to get yourself out of trouble, like if you didn't study for a test, you can't pray for God to make you pass it anyways. Or if you break your mom's best dish and hide the evidence, you can't pray and ask God to make sure your mother never finds out.

Eun Seo knew that Grandfather had a funny way of thinking about God. He had picked his God much like one picks out a used car. Still, he claimed he was sincere. Eun Seo wondered about these 'genie prayers.' As she couldn't sleep, even as tired as she was, she got up and wrote her prayer. The type she would never have prayed if her father had been listening, but one she thought was in the spirit and style Grandfather would have approved of (though Grandfather would have changed the content.)

Eun Seo titled her prayer "My Genie Prayer":

I want Dad to be able to minister and to help people until he is old.

I want Sung Ho to have a great family and meet a girl he loves much more than he loves me. (And I will be so jealous.)

I want Grandfather and Mother-in-law to be taken care of.

I want Sa Rang to be loved and adored by whatever man she calls father.

I want Joo Won not to be lonely or bitter.

I want Han Gyul to feel loved for who he is and not what he can do.

I want Min Jae and Hyun Woo to have the best wives, so that I have the coolest sisters-in-law.

I want to live a long and happy life.

I want to be able to be honest about my faults and failures.

Eun Seo looked at her list. She thought about adding something in there about how much money she wanted or what kind of car or house she wanted. But she decided that this was as far from her theology as she dared to stray. She folded the prayer and put in the pocket of her Bible's protective cover.

Although Eun Seo's theology didn't allow her to believe such a prayer was effective, it somehow comforted her troubled thoughts and she was able to fall asleep.

The next morning Eun Seo had a text from Sung Ho. Sung Ho was in town. He had just a few hours to spend with her. Could she come out to the neighbourhood park?

Eun Seo walked to the park with Sa Rang in the stroller. Sa Rang was very happy with the early morning outing, she did not show a bit of tiredness left over from their long outing the day before.

Sung Ho rose from the bench as he saw the mother and daughter approaching. The sight of Eun Seo still took his breath away. He wondered again, as he had often done before, when he would be able to see Eun Seo approaching and keep his heart from skipping a beat? Numerous times, he had told himself to be content with being her best friend, with having known her the longest, with being the person she trusted most in this world. Sung Ho had come here knowing he had a harsh message to deliver to his dearest friend. He was glad he wasn't a coward. But still he would need all his courage to face Eun Seo today.

Eun Seo smiled as she walked towards Sung Ho. He was looking tough with his army-style haircut. "I wonder if his army buddies know what a softy he is?" she wondered as she approached.

The two sat and talked. Sung Ho told Eun Seo all the news he knew of her family. Eun Seo talked about Sa Rang's latest achievements. "She is crawling everywhere, and she pulls herself up and walks next to furniture. I think she will be walking soon."

After they had talked for a while Eun Seo asked, "What brings you here?"

"I wanted to ask if you had changed your mind about us. Maybe you decided to marry me after all?" Sung Ho tried to sound lighthearted.

Eun Seo gave a sheepish smile, "No, I haven't changed my mind. Was that all?"

"No. I thought that was the case, but I wanted to make sure. I am here to deliver a message."

"A message, a message from who?"

"Han Gyul."

"Han Gyul sent me a message through you?"

"Yep. But if you had said you would marry me, then I would not deliver his message."

"Maybe you shouldn't deliver his message. I'm not sure I want to hear it."

"That is why he sent me. He was reasonably sure you wouldn't listen to him. So you have to listen to me. Listen until I stop talking, got it?" Sung Ho said in his authoritative army voice.

"Han Gyul said he came and visited you and found out about Sa Rang. He said it was a complete shock to him. That he had no idea that he was a father. He also told me that he loved you and that he wanted to marry you and that he wanted to be a father to Sa Rang and he said you told him to get lost."

"I didn't tell him to get lost," Eun Seo protested. It sounded so cold and heartless the way Sung Ho put it.

"Did you or did you not turn him down cold and tell him not to contact you?" Sung Ho pushed.

Eun Seo hung her head.

"Yes," she answered honestly.

"Okay, that was the message I got from Han Gyul. And I think he was telling the truth. Now I have a question for you, when Sa Rang was conceived, did you think you loved Han Gyul?"

"Why do I have to answer that?" Eun Seo did not like where this conversation was going.

"Just answer me. I already know the answer. I just want to hear you say it."

"Yes," Eun Seo whispered.

"And do you love him now?"

"It doesn't matter if I love him or not. I won't let Sa Rang be someone's mistake. I don't want her to strive for love and acceptance like Han Gyul has done all his life."

Sung Ho firmly took hold of Eun Seo's shoulder and turned her so that she had to look at him.

"Answer my question, do you still love him?"

Eun Seo shook her head, "It doesn't matter how I feel about him. It is too late."

Sung Ho repeated his question a third time through gritted teeth, "Answer me!"

"Yes."

Sung Ho released her and put both hands over his face. He shook his head in disbelief. "You love him and you would leave him and take his daughter as well. Who are you? What kind of love is that?"

Eun Seo hung her head and softly began to cry. How could Sung Ho scold her? Didn't he know how much she was suffering?

Sung Ho looked over at his teary-eyed friend. He straightened his backbone as if to fortify himself against the onslaught of her tears.

"Stop crying and listen up. You have got to stop this pity party and take responsibility for your actions. If a guy gets a girl pregnant, he had better make that right. And the world would think him a class-A jerk if he doesn't. You have a man's child. A child that he wants. You conceived that child when you loved him and you love him still, yet in your pride and arrogance, you are going to walk away from your responsibility?"

"I'm not walking away from my responsibility. I am taking all the responsibility for Sa Rang on my own."

"Don't you see you are just being prideful? Is Sa Rang the only one to think about here? If a guy just takes the baby away from its mother and raises it. Would the mother be happy? Doesn't he have to take the mother as well? Is it enough for you to accept the baby? If the father wants you both, don't you have to accept that as well?"

"Are you telling me I have to marry Han Gyul?"

"I'm telling you have to take responsibility for more than Sa Rang. If you told me you didn't love him then or now, if you told me he doesn't love you or want you or the baby, then I would say you have the right to just walk away. Have you ever once thought about what your responsibility to Han Gyul is?"

"No, why do I have to think of him at all? I took care of everything on my own. I have not asked him for a cent of his money or a second of his time." Eun Seo was almost shouting now.

"Was that for Han Gyul or was that for you?"

"You know why I did that. It wasn't for me or Han Gyul. It was for my dad."

"I've thought about that and I think you're wrong. You need to trust your dad and the church. You need to stop lying and stop hiding and stop playing the victim and take responsibility for your choices. It's time to own up to your mistakes. They'll forgive you."

Eun Seo couldn't bear her friend's harsh treatment.

"You don't understand," Eun Seo countered.

"I do, I do understand. And I am not claiming to be perfect or guiltless. When I came here today, I thought you needed to go home and make things right with your family and see if things will work out with Han Gyul. But do you know what I'd rather see happen? I'd rather you run away to America with me. See, I can know the right thing to do and still want something else to happen. I am not judging you, I want to help. And if you need a shove in the right direction, then who else could shove you besides me? Eun Seo, go home, tell your parents what has happened, ask for forgiveness. See if things will work out with Han Gyul. Stop hiding."

Eun Seo shifted away petulantly. Sung Ho reached his long arm around her and pulled her next to his side.

"Okay, I let you hate me for the next half hour, then you must cheer up and send your soldier off with a smile. You know it is never good to send a soldier off when you are angry."

Eun Seo and Sung Ho sat silently, each one wrapped up in their thoughts. When it came time for Sung Ho to leave, he leaned close to Eun Seo and whispered in her ear, "Do you still love me?" Eun Seo looked at her friend and read the fear in his eyes. Sung Ho was a brave young man, but not so brave when it came to Eun Seo. His biggest fear was somehow losing his lifelong friend. He had felt he had to say his piece, but now he was worried if Eun Seo could forgive him for his harshness.

Sung Ho squirmed as Eun Seo took a long time to form an answer, "Are you mad?" he asked. Eun Seo stood and began to walk away. Sung Ho felt his heart drop. He watched her walk away. He was trying to will her to turn around, but she just kept walking. Sung Ho could no longer see her, but still he stared in the direction she had taken when she left. He had no time to follow her. He needed to get to the bus station. The tall soldier tried to stop the tears that threatened to fall. He grabbed his bag and started in the direction of the bus station.

On the way, he got a text. It was from Eun Seo. It said, "Yes. Yes." The answer to both of his questions.

# Chapter 40

Three Years Later...

It was beastly hot in the tent that served as a temporary medical clinic in the refugee camp. Eun Seo was feeling sick both from the heat and from morning sickness. She had not let Han Gyul or her parents know that she was in her 8th week of pregnancy because she was quite sure that they would have forbidden her to come on this mission trip.

Han Gyul was on the medical team with Min Jae and Hyun Woo. Eun Seo's sisters-in-law were both nurses, and they were also part of the team. The three doctor brothers tried to go on a mission trip together each year, usually for 3 weeks at a time, to use their skills in places that desperately needed expert medical care. Eun Seo, who was neither a nurse nor a doctor, was on the construction team. Her team was working on building a permanent clinic that would eventually replace the tent that the doctors currently worked in. Joo Won had designed the project, making a trip to the location months before to learn about local building materials and equipment. He also made contact with local builders so that the structure would be one that they would be able to maintain. Eun Seo and Joo Won worked with the foreign volunteers and local workmen to get the small building functional.

Joo Won's fiancée, Ejin, was heading up a well-digging project. In the 3 weeks they had been there, only three wells had been dug. The goal had been 8, but they had run into endless problems with broken equipment and miscommunication with the locals had slowed things as well.

"I don't know how anything gets done here!" Ejin complained to Joo Won as she returned from another day of no progress on well number four. Joo Won smiled at his hot-tempered fiancé. They would be married next month. Eun Seo had met Ejin first, two years ago in Haiti on a different mission trip. Eun Seo found out that Ejin had been looking for a job in a construction company and Eun Seo had asked her good friend Joo Won for a favour. And the rest was history.

Eun Seo took a quick bucket shower before she met Joo Won at the jeep. They would be driving into town tonight. Eun Seo had scheduled a Skype call with her parents and Sa Rang. There was no internet out at the clinic. The closest internet was an hour's drive over rough roads. Joo Won was going to get more building materials, and Eun Seo didn't want to miss this opportunity to talk to her daughter.

The internet café was crowded but Eun Seo got a seat and hooked her phone up to the wifi. Soon she could hear Sa Rang's voice, but there was not enough signal strong enough for the video to come through. After chatting with her very talkative youngster, she asked to talk with Grandpa. Eun Seo asked her father how the tuition center was going? He said it was going very well. They had more students than they could really handle. When Eun Seo had returned home with Sa Rang, her father had left the ministry. He started a study center to work with struggling students. He only took students whose parents couldn't afford to get them private tutors or send them to special academies. Her father got churches to sponsor these students and he recruited retired teachers to serve as staff. He loved his students, each one was like a son or daughter to him.

Although Eun Seo missed her daughter and her parents, she found the call very frustrating. After the call had dropped twelve times, she decided that was all the news of home she was going to get that day.

Joo Won and Eun Seo arrived back at the refugee camp as the newlyweds, Sung Ho and Su Jin, were returning from the kids' program. Eun Seo still felt a slight sting at the sight of Su Jin. Su Jin was the kind of girl most girls find hard to like. She looked like a fashion model, she had been an all-A student, she was funny and a genuinely nice person. And Sung Ho adored her. Eun Seo actually liked her too, it was just hard to take the back seat with a friend who had only looked at her for so long.

Eun Seo went back to the tent she was sharing with Han Gyul. Even after working all day in the refugee clinic, her husband still managed to look fashionable and professional. Eun Seo had the urge to go and rumple his hair, something he would have hated. Eun Seo gazed lovingly at her slightly uptight husband. She had yet to see him fully drop his need to be ever successful. But as time went on, she saw more and more of the sincerity behind the façade. What was not a façade was his complete devotion to Sa Rang. At times Eun Seo wondered if he was a bit overboard when it came to his daughter. Never was there a father more enamoured by his offspring. Eun Seo and Han Gyul had had a very rough beginning. Eun Seo's pseudo-mother-in-law had died one month after their beach outing and Grandfather had followed a month later. After the funerals were over and all was settled, Eun Seo knew it was time to face up to her own problems.

Eun Seo had left Joo Won's home and gone back to her parent's home. Through many tears she told her parents everything. It was one of the worst days in her life, but also the beginning of some of the best days of her life. Her father stepped down from his position as pastor and Eun Seo's heart was broken, but she had decided to trust that her father would do what was best for all involved.

The hardest part came when Han Gyul wanted to see his daughter and start over with Eun Seo. Eun Seo allowed him to see Sa Rang, but she just couldn't bring herself to spend time with him. One day Sung Ho asked her if she was going to give Han Gyul a fair chance and she said, "I don't want to be someone's mistake."

"Are you afraid of being his mistake or do you just not like being reminded that you can make mistakes?"

Eun Seo realized that it was her pride that was stopping her from opening her heart to Han Gyul. Somehow when Eun Seo accepted the fact that she could and did make mistakes, she was able to forgive herself and also allow herself to love again. Eun Seo and Han Gyul had dated for a few months before they had a small private wedding. Sa Rang was the flower girl at her parents' wedding.

Eun Seo picked up her Bible from the floor of the tent and a small piece of paper fell from the pocket of the Bible cover. It read:

"Grandfather's Genie Prayer"

I want Dad to be able to minister and to help people until he is old.

I want Sung Ho to have a great family and meet a girl he loves much more than he loves me. (And I will be so jealous.)

I want Grandfather and Mother-in-law to be taken care of.

I want Sa Rang to be loved and adored by whatever man she calls father.

I want Joo Won not to be lonely or bitter.

I want Han Gyul to feel loved for who he is and not what he can do.

I want Min Jae and Hyun Woo to have the best wives, so that I have the coolest sisters-in-law.

I want to live a long and happy life.

I want to be able to be honest about my faults.

As Eun Seo read this prayer written so long ago, she wondered if Grandfather and his used car theology might be right.

### ###
