-Thank you.
Thank you, guys.
I'm so happy to be back
in New York.
Thank you so much.
[ Cheers and applause ]
Yeah. Mm!
This is actually my second time
on "The Tonight Show."
My first time
on "The Tonight Show,"
I came out to my parents.
[ Laughter ]
That was kind of
their reaction, too.
It was interesting, though.
Like, my parents reacted
two different ways.
Like, my dad saw it,
and he was like, "Oh, my God.
I can't believe my son is gay.
I could have a stroke.
I could have a heart attack."
And I was like, "You're
being such a queen right now."
[ Laughter ]
"This is kind of my moment,"
you know.
My mom was different, though.
My mom saw the set,
and she immediately texted me
and was like,
"I love my gay son."
[ Laughter ]
And then she started
saying stuff like,
"I don't know, maybe I'm gay."
[ Chuckles smugly ]
[ Laughter and applause ]
"I think everyone's
a little gay, I don't know."
And I have two younger brothers,
Javaughn and Javeigh.
We couldn't afford
other letters.
[ Laughter ]
[ Chuckling ]
And my younger brother Javaughn
actually came out to me as bi
not too long after the set,
and I was shocked,
because, like, another person
stealing my moment.
[ Laughter ]
But also, like, I'm gay,
my younger brother is bi,
and my youngest brother
is straight.
So my mom's womb was
basically a gay dance club
that became a Foot Locker.
[ Laughter and applause ]
[ Chuckling ]
But it was really interesting.
Like, the whole thing
brought me closer to my family,
a lot closer to my culture.
I'm Jamaican,
and, like, afterwards,
I learned that
Bob Marley was biracial,
which was wild.
That kind of blew my mind,
because, like,
he loved reggae so much
that I thought he was
just white, you know?
[ Laughter and applause ]
I don't know.
[ Chuckles ]
[ Chuckles ]
But other than that, like,
not much has changed.
Like, I'm still living in L.A.,
still don't drive,
so I take a lot
of ride shares, right?
For the first time
the other day,
I had a driver that
had a 3.8 rating.
Like, are you murdering people?
[ Laughter ]
I got out of the car, like,
zig-zagging to my apartment
just in case he turned around
and just...
[ Imitates blow dart, chuckles ]
Just, like, blow-darts me,
you know.
Takes my phone,
gives himself five stars.
[ Chuckling ]
I've also been trying
to get in shape, too,
just because L.A.
isn't a city like New York,
where, like, in New York,
you can get exercise
just from walking around
and sweating out half
your body weight on the subway.
But...
[ Chuckles ]
L.A. is a city where, like,
you're in a car,
you're in a building,
you're in a car,
you're in another building,
you're in another building,
in another car, until one day,
someone saw a monster-truck tire
and was like, "Enough!"
[ Laughter ]
And that's how CrossFit
was invented, you know?
[ Cheers and applause ]
He was like,
"That felt pretty good.
I think I'll make that
my personality."
[ Laughter ]
[ Cheers and applause ]
But I was like,
"Okay, if I work out,
I gotta do something gentle,
gotta start off easy.
I'm gonna do yoga," right?
'Cause I thought yoga was
just laying on the ground
for 45 minutes.
And then, halfway through
the first class,
I'm just, like, on the ground,
just shaking.
And the instructor
comes up to me like,
"You can give up
or you can try."
[ Chuckles ]
I was like, "Oh, my God.
I feel so attacked by this dude
in a Spiritual Gangster
crop top...
trying to gentrify my muscles,"
you know.
But then I was like,
"You know what,
any exercise I do
is gonna be difficult.
It's exercise, that's the point.
I'm just gonna go all the way.
I'm gonna take an MMA class.
I'm gonna learn how to fight."
First class,
I knew it was a mistake,
'cause I walk in
and I see the instructor
just, like, full-on sprinting
on the treadmill,
no headphones in.
[ Laughter and applause ]
Like, any hearing person
at the gym with no headphones
is training
to avenge someone's death.
It's the only reason.
I did learn one cool thing,
though, in this class.
I learned that if you're
getting choked standing up,
right, choked like this,
what you gotta do
is you gotta twist your body,
drop your elbow,
and then you can get out
of the hold safe, right.
But the instructor
was like,
"You know, sometimes, you're
in the middle of a fight,
you don't have time
to do all that choreo.
You gotta do whatever it takes
to get out of that hold."
And I was like, "Okay, got you."
My partner put his hand
around my throat,
and I went, "Oh, Daddy!"
[ Cheers and applause ]
And he let go!
And he let go.
Sometimes love wins is basically
what I'm trying to say.
All right, thank you, guys.
You guys have been so much fun!
Thank you!
-Oh, my goodness!
Look at that!
Good for you, man.
-Yeah.
[ Cheers and applause ]
-Jaboukie Young-White!
Follow him on Twitter @jaboukie.
