just above y'all just for Laughs comedy
festival kevin harvick get all that shit
up here I owe some pretty dumb guy
pretty dumb it's fine them Evan I had
here's my proof if you need this you
don't know I don't think you need proof
but if you need it my first job when I
was 15 I worked at in Nashville natural
used to have a theme park called opulent
theme park so I worked there and one day
I was eating lunch and this couple sits
down and we meet each other and I was
like hey my name is nate and they're
like the guy goes my name is John this
is my wife Jane and her last name is doe
he was like we're John and Jane Doe and
I was like blown away I was like are you
serious dude
is that can you even do that he's like
we're doing it you know I don't know
like blown away couldn't believe it cut
to when I was 35 I was driving and I
just started randomly thinking about
meeting John and Jane Doe and I was like
you know what I bet they were lying to
me about that that's how long it took 20
years for me to catch on yeah I bet they
were lying to you about that I even I've
looked him up I googled him I tried and
yeah
turns out they were murdered that's what
I found out and you know that's what you
get for lying to kids
that's what happens I still don't know
who did it
I've traveled a bunch I've been in a
bunch of different countries Canada
discounts to something you know right
now another country
it's tits fun I'm the worst - I don't
know where countries around I learned
about Tennessee and then I learned to
buy the states that touched us in case
they attacked and that was it yeah we're
like that's more than enough
we I've been to Honduras I've been there
of a pretty big fan base there and it
goes I guys had a some this show was in
Honduras you wouldn't have even got in
so yeah just be happy that we're not
there are there no it was no I
it was a USO tour and we go and I went
to the airport I told the guy was like
I'm going to Honduras and the guy was
like what city and it was like I thought
that was the city so just wherever you
think I would be going you know a guy
just a guy that looks like me wherever
you think he would go
and wheel and a guy picks us up he's
driving us to the army base and on the
way there he was like look there's a
couple things you have keep an eye out
for like when you go to bed at night you
got to check your bed for spiders like
spiders hide in your bed he's basically
just like you're not gonna sleep hope
that's cool and then he was like there's
a lot of snakes too a lot of venomous
snakes so keep an eye out for snakes but
if you do get bit by a snake the best
thing to do is just go ahead and just
catch the snake and then bring it with
you to the doctor and you'll be like
this is a snake that bit me and I was
just like well I'm probably not going to
do that part of it you know
does it give me a kitchen snake do down
here called a snake in my life you may
get bit that I gotta get it together and
catch a snake for the first time it's
not gonna go good he's gonna keep biting
me that's all it's gonna happen and he
was like it doesn't matter you've
already been bit I think I don't know if
you know what a snake is because it
completely matters there's a huge
difference between one bite and probably
30 bytes which is what we will be at if
I try to catch this snake who told you
to tell me this this snake is that what
he said - whose side are you on
I did I eat I'm trying to get like I've
not eaten good since I've been here I
don't but it's not here I also don't eat
good at home it's just like you know
it's just into like I like all chain
stuff I like walks around today I just
wanted to find like you have a Dairy
Queen and I was just like that's great
like I just wanted something you know
that's doing real good in America as
well like that's all I just like bets
those the places are where I'm like oh
yeah that's gonna be like regular stuff
it's not good then I got a McDonald's a
lot I take buddies I go I got a buddy of
mine that's a comedian
his name's Louis J Gomez and me and
Louis went to McDonald's to go eat once
I'm a big fan and every time I take
someone with dolls - they're always like
I've been here in forever so don't act
like I'm the one keeping them afloat all
right
you know people people go in here so me
and Louis we go in we ordered our food
we take our food we sit down at our
table and then Louis went to the
bathroom he left me alone with his food
so I was like you know what I'm gonna
play a prank on him so I grabbed his
hamburger I unwrapped it I took a bite
out of it and then I wrapped it back up
put it back down on his tray so that's
my big prank right when he comes back
from the bathroom I'll beg to do they
eat your burger before they gave it to
you that's crazy that they're doing that
right is that crazy
it's a dumb prank it's harmless it
should never leave the table all that
should happen is Louis should come back
he should open his burger his first
reaction should be to look at his best
friend who's sitting with them who also
by the way dabbles in comedy and just be
like hey I just wanted to run this by
you before I unexpectedly go freak out
on this entire McDonald's that's what I
thought would go down just a little hey
did you touch my food the only time I
was out of my sight I just want to know
before I try to fight a group of people
that are gonna be pretty confused on why
they're fighting but instead I got to
learn them fridge with a lunatic and a
guy comfortable fighting McDonald's
employees because he opened his burger
and could not have ignored me quicker
like he looked at him so fast almost
like he expected them to do it like it's
happened before and he's like again
again with this I will fight all of each
other find out who ate my burger and he
gets up starts walking towards them I
can't believe this is working like we
have gotten so much farther than I'm
prepared to get
so I just grabbed my go do that your
burger ID like why would you not look at
me once to see if I did this and he sits
down and it's weird like everybody's
looking at us it takes ten minutes for
people to quit filming us with their
phones and it just hits me I just start
things do doesn't care out of your mind
man I was like you can get killed one
day like this let's pretend let's
pretend I'm not here let's pretend that
someone did eat your burger that worked
at this McDonald's you were gonna go
blindly fight that guy not even try to
size him up see what he looks like do
you really think you could beat up a guy
that is apparently pretty confident in
himself that he's making burgers he's
then eating them and then he's wrapping
them up and just sending them out to
whoever you don't think that guy's
probably the greatest fighter of all
time I think you're gonna walk to that
McDonald's counter anybody create my
burger and all the McDonald's employees
are gonna part ways they know exactly
who you're talking about and the very
back of your seat guy cracking his neck
he's got his fist in the fryer doesn't
even know it just warmin
and uh all right thank you guys so much
you guys were great
