Cheating wives and Crazy girlfriends
- [Woman] Please, don't judge me too hard,
but I do feel I need advice.
Seven years ago I was dating a man
I had a not-so-great relationship with.
I ended up meeting a man at work
and ultimately ended up cheating on my ex
with this man, and left
him for my colleague.
It was a horrible situation,
and I feel awful about it.
I ended up going to therapy
for a long time for this
and apologized to all parties involved.
My relationship with the
college lasted just over
a couple of years and we
broke up four years ago.
I of course know this was terrible of me
and was single for three years while
in therapy to fix my issues.
A year ago, my ex, who I cheated on,
messaged me and we ended up
rekindling our relationship.
We discussed at length my infidelity
and have been trying to move past it.
Since we have gotten back together,
he understandably has a
lot of anger towards me
and becomes very verbally
abusive toward me
on a weekly basis.
I try to be patient because
of what I put him through years ago,
but I'm not sure how much more I can take.
Small things will set him off
and he frequently calls me a bitch,
kicks me out of his house,
gets in my face and yells.
I usually just keep quiet
to deescalate the situation.
I do love him and want to
move past our problems,
but anytime I say he is abusive,
he just throws my cheating in my face
and there's not much I can say.
I guess the advice I am looking for is,
because I know this is my fault,
if I should just accept the behavior,
or if I have grounds to
request a change in behavior.
Thank you.
(beep)
- [Man] This is not a
healthy relationship.
Are you trying to work
through this because
of the guilt of the cheating?
Verbal abuse is not okay and despite
the mistakes you have made,
you don't deserve this.
It is likely his behavior
won't improve, don't settle.
(beep)
- [Man 2] I can't believe
he was the one to try
and rekindle the relationship,
yet he can't get past the infidelity,
and while she goes to
therapy, he berates her weekly
and she accepts is.
Nah, you may have messed up years ago,
but we all make mistakes.
You did great working through the issue
and he's bringing you down.
Have a conversation, apologize,
hear him out, ask him to see someone
about his anger and resentment,
and tell him goodbye.
To add, that if it wasn't
a great relationship seven years ago,
then it probably won't be any better now.
It wasn't meant to be.
(beep)
- [Woman] I do allow a certain amount
of verbal abuse because of my cheating.
I still feel bad about it of course,
I'm just not sure how much I can take.
I appreciate the response.
(beep)
- [Man 2] You shouldn't allow
any verbal abuse, period.
I despise cheating, needless
to say it's a horrible thing
to do, however you already know that,
and if what you're saying is true,
it sounds like you've taken
steps to address this.
Most importantly though,
regardless of your cheating,
you broke up and moved on.
His decision to rekindle the romance
with you knowing what you did is on him.
You don't owe him anything
anymore, we all make mistakes
and grow from these.
He either forgives you and moves past it,
or you move past him,
don't accept any abuse from your partner.
If he can't forgive you
and most past it, that's
on him, good luck.
Yeah, the punishment for cheating should
be breaking up or being alone.
Abuse is not a proper
punishment, it's abuse.
Forgive yourself, you
are allowing punishment
for the past in a volatile way.
This behavior behavior
can escalate further,
and if he hasn't forgiven you,
then this negative pattern will continue.
Continue to heal you
and it is clear he has
his own healing to do,
but in a healthier way.
Good luck no matter what you decide.
He shoves you out of the house
while calling you nasty names.
This is not a healthy relationship.
You don't deserve abuse, leave.
You don't deserve it.
Yes you cheated, and that's
a horrible thing to do,
but it doesn't justify abuse.
This is why when people start cheating,
it's normally best to
end the relationship.
To keep it going requires
forgiveness and in time,
trust, and that's quite hard
to regain after cheating,
especially when it goes on for a while.
He doesn't seem to be able
to do either of these things.
He has a right to resent you,
but if that's the case, he
shouldn't be in a relationship
with you, and he definitely doesn't have
the right to abuse you.
If you wanna give him another chance,
that's up to you, but
you need to be straight
with him that you won't
tolerate the abuse any longer.
If he can't let go of his anger
and resentment, then you need to walk away
and find someone without
these negative feelings to be happy with.
- [Woman] You don't deserve it.
Yes you cheated and that's a shitty thing
to do, but it doesn't justify abuse.
Exactly, don't tolerate verbal abuse
or let him think that
what he's doing is okay.
Yes, you did an awful thing
years ago, apologized,
and broke up.
You took steps to better
yourself and understood
that you did wrong.
If he feels he can't trust
you despite your attempts
to make amends, the mature thing would be
to have not gotten back together with you
or get counseling beforehand
to resolve any lingering resentment.
You bettered yourself, if
he can't or is unwilling
to do the same and stop punishing you,
you need to jet before it gets worse.
This is not a store, this is a
relationship you already paid
the price, you are
remorseful and regretful
of your actions.
Abuse is abuse, it's not worth it.
What's going to happen if it goes too far?
- [Man 2] You made a mistake years ago.
He does not get to bring
forth wrath upon you now
for a mistake that you made years ago.
He either chooses to be with you
in a happy and healthy
relationship, or not.
I'm not sure he is capable
of stopping this behavior.
It is inappropriate for
him to verbally abuse you.
I had something similar in my life happen,
and I realized real late in the game
that my mistakes don't cover
for my partner's mistakes.
Don't be a doormat because you want
to enable his behavior
because of your past.
Sorry if this was too
mean, still waking up.
The cheating was in the past.
He should not have gotten back together
with you if he hasn't forgiven you.
There is absolutely no
excuse for what he's doing.
Leave him before he seriously hurts you.
Jesus Christ, this dirt
bag got back together
with you so he could punish you
for something that
happened seven years ago.
He is completely insane.
You don't deserve this.
Please, get the hell out
of this relationship.
No way, allowing him to abuse
you is just plain stupid.
Yeah, you cheated.
You've apologized,
his decision to take you back
should have been his decision
to forgive and forget.
If he can't let it go,
you two will never work.
Or worse, he'll get more satisfaction
from continuing to punish/abuse
you, ultimatum time.
The person you are now seems changed,
and even if you hadn't,
for him to pursue you
to vent out his own issues is both sick
and a dark path to take.
I don't see how anything good could come
of this and it sounds like
you were punishing yourself.
The most healthy thing for both of you
is to move on, since moving
past this never seemed
like his intent, even if it were yours.
Don't judge me on my past,
I don't live there anymore.
You have each changed over the years
and are different people now.
This shouldn't be brought up
now since you are in therapy.
If you really wanted, I'd say
bring him to some sessions,
but it kinda sounds like he's getting back
at you for what you did to him.
You shouldn't allow any verbal
abuse just because you cheated.
No abuse is warranted
despite you cheating.
A mistake was made and him abusing you
in any way is not working it out.
You getting back together
should mean you both work
it out in a healthy manner, counseling,
sitting down to talk respectfully.
You can feel bad and want to
fix it without being abused.
It also seems like you might be back
in the relationship,
not because you wanna be with this person,
but because you want to do
penance for your past wrongs.
If that's the case, this will
probably just hurt both you
and him again when this
dynamic becomes too obvious
to obscure.
It may already be obvious, and
the reason he is lashing out,
not that this justifies the abuse.
Try to heal by moving forward,
not forever reliving
your past transgression
and making it the basis
of your present romantic relationship.
No good is being accomplished this way.
You don't need to make
up for cheating years ago
by passively suffering abuse.
(beep)
 
Cheating Wives And Crazy Girlfriends
