>>> YOU KNOW, ALL WEEK LONG
PEOPLE HAVE BEEN ASKING ME IF I
WAS GOING TO DO ANY CHARACTERS
FROM "CHAPPELLE SHOW" TONIGHT.
AT FIRST I WASN'T TO.
AND THEN I SAW THAT EPISODE OF
"WALKING DEAD."
WHERE THEY SMASHED THIS GUY GLEN
ON THE HEAD AND KILLED HIM.
I KNOW, IT WAS DEVASTATING.
I LOVE THAT SHOW WHEN GLEN WAS
LIKE ONE OF MY FAVORITE
CHARACTERS.
SO I WAS LIKE CRUSHED.
SO -- IN THAT SPIRIT AND WITH
THAT IN MIND, I HOPE YOU ENJOY
THIS.
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
[ WHISTLING ]
>> HA HA HA!
I JUST CANNOT DECIDE WHICH ONE
OF YOU IS GOING TO DANCE WITH
DEATH TONIGHT.
HA HA!
WELL.
I GOT AN IDEA.
BUBBLE GUM.
BUBBLE GUM.
IN A DISH.
HOW MANY PIECES DO YOU WISH?
>> BUBBLE GUM.
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
I'D LIKE TWO, PLEASE.
MY MOUTH FEELS DRY.
>> OH, HE'S A FEISTY ONE.
I LIKE THAT.
>> WELL, WITH ALL DUE RESPECT,
MR. NEGAN, IN MY LINE OF WORK
WHEN YOU'RE ON YOUR KNEES, DON'T
GIVE YOU BUBBLE GUM, THEY GIVE
YOU PENIS.
[ LAUGHTER ]
>> SHUT UP!
WELL.
A N -- NAMED NEGAN.
YOU LOOK MORE LIKE A STEPHANIE.
YOUR FACE LOOKS LIKE -- THE
NEGRO LEAGUE.
[ LAUGHTER ]
>> STOP IT, YOU'RE KILLING HIM!
>> THEM SOME UGLY ASS BOOTS YOU
GOT ON THERE.
AS THE WHITE BOYS SAY ON THE
INTERNETS, WHAT ARE THOSE?
[ LAUGHTER ]
>> DRY, BRITTLE JERRY CURL,
DISGRACE.
HA HA HA!
LOOK AT THIS PASTY BASTARD.
>> OH GOD, NO.
[ LAUGHTER ]
>> GOOD GOD HAVE SOME GOD DAMN
RESPECT FOR YOURSELF.
MAN, THE [ BLEEP ] UP!
>> WHAT DO YOU WANT, MONEY?
SEX?
>> SEX ISN'T EVERYTHING.
[ LAUGHTER ]
>> I'LL TRY SOME SEX.
>> I HAVE A WIFE!
>> WHAT?
[ LAUGHTER ]
>> I HAVE A WIFE!
>> WHAT?
>> I HAVE A WIFE.
>> OKAY!
[ LAUGHTER ]
COME ON, THEN.
ALL LIVES MATTER.
ALL OF US RIGHT?
>> NO, YOUR BLACK LIVES DON'T.
>> KILL US FOR WHAT?
>> WELL, WELL, WELL.
I KNOW THAT SMELL ANYWHERE.
FRUSTRATION AND COCOA BUTTER.
LOOKS LIKE WE GOT US SOME NEGRO
MONSTERS.
PUT THAT BACK DOWN, MONKEY.
>> MONKEY?
DON'T YOU REALIZE YOU'RE BLACK?
>> FROM WHAT I HEAR, THIS HAT
WOULD SAY OTHERWISE.
[ LAUGHTER ]
>> IT'S UP TO AMERICA NOW, BOY.
>> IT SURE IS.
>> WELL, I STAND CORRECTED.
SEEMS LIKE A LOT OF YOU STILL
GOT SOME FIGHT IN YOU.
THAT'S GOOD.
I LIKE THAT.
MAKES IT MORE FUN.
YOU CAN BREATHE.
YOU CAN BLINK.
YOU CAN CRY.
>> OH!
>> YEAH.
A LOT OF YOU ARE GOING TO BE
DOING SOME OF THAT.
>> THANKS.
>> OH!
>> WOW!
>> THE SUSPENSE IS KILLING ME!
[ LIGHT LAUGHTER ]
>> TAKE IT LIKE A CHAMP!
COME HERE, YOU!
>> STRIKE ONE.
>> YEAH.
>> STRIKE TWO.
>> ARRGH!
>> GOT TO BE FASTER THAN THAT.
[ LAUGHTER ]
MARTY, HELP ME OUT!
♪♪♪
>> NOTE TO SELF.
REMIND ME TO TRY CRACK.
[ LAUGHTER ]
>> WE AS A NATION BEGIN TO HEAL,
THROUGH LAUGHING TOGETHER.
FOR EVEN THOUGH OUR COUNTRY
SEEMS IRREVOCABLY SEVERED LIKE A
MAN FROM HIS HEAD, LET MY
EXAMPLE PROVE THAT WE SHOULD
CONTINUE TO MOVE FORWARD.
LET US SEE OURSELVES IN ONE
ANOTHER.
FOR ONLY EVERYTHING CAN CONQUER
HATE.
I AM EVERY MAN.
I AM EVERY WOMAN.
IT'S ALL IN ME.
ANYTHING YOU WANT DONE, BABY, I
DO IT NATURALLY.
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
>> NOW LET'S BREAK OUT, Y'ALL.
I ONLY GOT TWO MONTHS UNTIL THEY
TAKE AWAY MY HEALTH CARE.
BODY, IF YOU WILL?
♪♪♪
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
