"Crimson" Written by Paradigm Shine
Click.
The pegasus slid the bolt shut.
Click.
...and the second.
She forced her hoof against yet another iron
bolt.
Click
And finally, came the third.
That one was always the most stubborn.
It was coated with a thick red coat of rust,
all three of them were actually.
It was probably time to replace them.
After all, it had been over three years since
she had them installed.
Not yet!
Going into town and buying those things would
cause...too much attention.
Oh no, no, no, I can't have that!
Fear grew in her heart.
It wasn't exactly normal to have three bolt
locks on one's door, especially in a town
like Ponyville.
There were never any robberies, murders, or
other such things here - or at least, not
for a long time.
Maybe an Ursa incident here and there, but
never on a daily basis.
The pegasus was grateful for her proximity
to the hazards of the Everfree Forest, though
- it was a good excuse for her otherwise unusual
over protection.
When ponies would ask questions, she just
cited living next door to the most dangerous
forest in Equestria.
Ponies didn't ask questions anymore.
The mare let out a nervous sigh and slumped
down against the firm wooden door of the cottage.
Oh, why does it have to be like this?
Why can't I tell anypony?
I should've told them years ago!
Oh Fluttershy, why are you such a worrywort?
An icy cold gripped her heart as the reality
set in.
She knew she couldn't tell anypony.
There was a very good reason for that.
No, too much time had passed, too many mistakes
had been made.
At this point, it was too late.
Tears began to fall down her cheeks as the
pegasus sobbed.
Her sobs erupted into wailing as she began
to bawl.
You're a monster.
No!
Fluttershy denied.
Remember the red?
Of course you do.
It was everywhere.
Be quiet!
What?
Are you going to kill me too?
You'd like to, wouldn't you?
SHUT UP!!!
The pegasus' mental battle was interrupted
by three tentative, wooden raps.
Somepony was at the door.
Her heart stopped.
"Um...Fluttershy?
Dearest?
Are you in there?"
a quiet voice spoke.
The pegasus remained silent.
"I can...I can hear you dear.
Please open the door?"
Fluttershy closed her eyes shut.
Oh no...not now.
Please Rarity, not now...
She stole a glance at the clock.
8:15PM.
There was still time...
She sighed and slowly got up to her hooves.
She unbolted the locks and opened the door
a crack.
A rush of cold air escaped into the cottage.
"Hi Rarity..."
Fluttershy whispered, managing a weak smile.
Rarity stood in the dark cold, a crimson red
scarf hugging her neck.
Her face had a look of concern.
"Good, I figured as much you'd be home at
this hour.
Fluttershy dear, would you let me in please?
I'd like to talk to you."
Rarity's teeth chattered.
"It's been a long time since we've talked.
You know, girl to girl, as it were?"
She smiled.
Fluttershy's heart sank.
As much as she wanted to deny the request,
she couldn't leave her friend hanging in the
cold.
It wasn't her nature.
And there's still time...
Fluttershy opened the door and let the fashionista
in.
"Brrr, it's positively frigid out there today.
Have you been outside?"
"No..."
Fluttershy took Rarity's scarf in her mouth
and hung it on a hanger.
"That's a very nice scarf, Rarity."
"Oh, why thank you, dearest.
Designed and stitched it myself.
Would you like one?
I have a few more like that back at the boutique.
It would be my pleasure!"
"Oh...yes...thank you Rarity.
That would be wonderful."
Fluttershy said as she gazed at the red scarf.
And gazed.
"Fluttershy?
Darling?
Well it's not the Pona Lisa, dear, but I appreciate
your admiration!"
Fluttershy broke out of her fixation.
"Sorry...I'll put some tea on."
"Oh don't worry yourself, dearest, I'll take
care of it!"
_________________________________________________________________________________
Fluttershy plopped herself down on a pillow
as Rarity prepared the tea.
"Camomile?"
Rarity asked.
"Yes..."
An awkward silence fell.
"So...how have you been Fluttershy?
I haven't seen you for nearly a week.
I've come by quite a few times, but you never
seem to be home.
What's been keeping you so busy, hmm?"
"Oh, um...you know...just the usual...I lost
a chicken this week...it was a long time before
I found him..."
Fluttershy lied.
"A whole week, dearest?"
Rarity raised an eyebrow as she poured two
cups of tea from the pot with her magic.
"Yes..."
Rarity set the tea cup on the table in front
of Fluttershy and sat down across from her.
She took a delicate sip from her own cup,
levitated it down and sighed.
"We're all a little bit worried about you
dear."
Fluttershy's eyes became saucers.
"What?
Who...?"
Rarity gazed into her tea.
"You know, the others and I...Twilight, Applejack,
Rainbow Dash, even Pinkie Pie...none of them
see you much anymore...they say you've become
distant."
Rarity looked up.
"You have, dear."
"Oh, um...don't worry about me Rarity, please..."
"I've sent you countless invitations to the
spa in the past few weeks!
Surely you weren't too busy every time?"
Fluttershy hid behind her mane.
"I'm sorry...I don't think I got -"
"And I know you got them.
They disappeared from your mailbox each and
every time!
One time I saw you bring the invitation inside
yourself!"
Rarity looked guilty.
"I'm sorry dear, I know it's not right for
a lady to snoop.
But I think it's alright sometimes...if a
friend is in trouble."
"It's nothing Rarity...please...I'm fine..."
the pegasus whispered, glancing up at the
clock.
"Then why were you crying?"
Fluttershy bit her lip.
"You were crying just now, I could hear you
from outside, dear.
Your eyes are still red."
"It's none of your business Rarity!"
Fluttershy spat, slamming her hoof onto the
table.
Tea soaked the table mat.
Fluttershy started shaking and began to cry.
"I'm...I'm so sorry Rarity....please forgive
me, I didn't mean - "
"I'm your friend, dear.
I think it is my business."
Rarity spoke calmly.
"And it is my duty to help out a friend in
need."
Rarity took a cloth and began to clean up
the spilled camomile.
Fluttershy hid behind her mane again.
"You can tell me what's been bothering you,
dear.
I won't tell anypony, I promise.
I know I may have been a little...well, loose
lipped on one or two occasions in the past,
but personal things like this I wouldn't dare
say a word about.
You know that as well as I, Fluttershy."
Rarity levitated her own teacup across the
table and poured some tea into Fluttershy's
now depleted cup.
She sighed.
"I know things have been stressful these last
few years, with...the disappearances.
How do you think Applejack's been handling
it?
Quite well actually, to tell you the truth.
We've all been hurt by what happened, dear."
Fluttershy quickly glanced at the clock.
8:40PM
Rarity swirled her spoon around, absentmindedly.
"You know, there isn't a night that goes by
that I don't think of....well what happened.
One month...five ponies...gone.
Extinguished from Equestria...just like that."
Fluttershy winced.
"I was so worried for Sweetie Belle after
that.
I slept with her for months, and barely ever
let her go anywhere by herself.
I didn't get much sleep that year...but of
course it was worth it.
Anything to keep her safe from whatever it
was that was committing those horrid, horrid
atrocities.
Whoever would do such a thing?
I really can't imagine..."
"Rarity, I -"
"I mean, after this much time...the fear isn't
what it used to be."
Rarity was still lost in her thoughts.
"The memories, of course...will be with me
forever, but it's been so long now...things
have gone back to normal.
Ponies go about their daily lives again, and
have been doing so for so long...they've moved
on.
We all have.
It wasn't easy, not in the slightest...but
we've moved on.
So why haven't you?"
Fluttershy's eyes darted to the clock again.
Rarity followed Fluttershy's gaze and looked
back at her with a raised eyebrow.
"Why do you keep looking at the clock, dear?
You're expecting something to happen, aren't
you?
Something....you don't want me to see."
Fluttershy gasped.
"What?
Was I looking at the clock?
I wasn't looking at the clock, I was just
looking at..."
The pegasus' eyes scanned the living room.
"...your beautiful scarf!
So...red and...warm...and...tasty."
"Tasty?"
Rarity blinked.
"Are you all right dear?
You look a bit...pale."
"Toasty!
I said toasty!
Red and warm and toasty!"
Fluttershy faked a toothy smile, but soon
realized her mistake, and quickly slammed
her mouth shut, praying to Celestia Rarity
hadn't seen too much.
"I see..."
Rarity closed her eyes and took a sip of camomile.
"Well, you don't even have to tell me what's
going on dear."
"I...I don't?"
"Nope."
Rarity's eyes fluttered open.
"I know."
Fluttershy's heart stopped.
"You've been hiding this for quite some time,
haven't you?"
"No...please..."
"I'm surprised you've kept the facade up for
this long.
But it's obvious, Fluttershy, I'm on to you."
Rarity leaned in across the table, her gaze
piercing through the terrified pegasus.
Fluttershy folded her expanding ears back
under her mane.
"Your standoffish and elusive manner, the
way you bolt your doors every night, the crying...even
your sudden interest in my fabulous crimson
red scarf?
It all makes sense now..."
Fluttershy was bawling her eyes out again.
"I'm s-so sorry Rarity, you don't understand,
p-please give me a cha -"
"So who's the lucky stallion?"
Rarity sat back with a smug grin.
Fluttershy froze.
"Uh....um....what?"
Rarity took another sip of tea.
"You're in love, darling!
I can't believe I didn't see this before,
but it's quite transparent!"
Fluttershy stared, flabbergasted.
Rarity giggled.
"It's quite alright, darling, no need to be
embarrassed!
I'm happy for you!"
Rarity leaned in across the table, her head
in her hooves, wide-eyed like a little school-filly.
"So what's his name, hmm?
You don't have to hide him from us, I'm sure
he's an absolute gentlecolt!"
"Oh...yes...very nice..."
Fluttershy retreated further into her mane,
looking at the clock with her exposed eye.
9:00PM
"Oh, this is wonderful, dear!"
Rarity brought her teacup down hard onto the
table.
Shards of porcelain went everywhere.
"Ouch!
Oh dear.
I'm so sorry darling...I guess I got carried
away...with the excitement and all.
I'll replace it, I promise.
Would you bring me a bandage dear?
I'm afraid I cut my hoof."
Fluttershy looked at Rarity's foreleg, crimson
red now slowly ebbing from it.
"Oh.....Rarity....."
"It's just a scratch dear, don't worry.
I apologize for the mess I've made, you must
be expecting your special somepony soon, I
imagine?
Certainly judging by the way you've been eying
that clock."
"Um...oh...right..."
Fluttershy licked her lips as the crimson
red reflected in her eyes.
"Actually...he's already here."
The End
Hello everypony Snogwritts here congratulations
for making it to the end of this video as
always I definitely enjoyed reading this fic
to all of you
Alrighty then let's start reviewing this fic
Ok so here's this
This story starts off with an interesting
beginning which I’ve seen many authors use
in their stories which is of course is a great
strategy to grab your readers attention.
Specifically saying if you start from a middle
of a moment or conversation readers are more
likely to read on to find out what's going
on.
This story specifically showed how figurative
language can be used to describe ones feeling,
but I wished the author would use a lot more
detail.
In addition, to all the great words used in
this story I do have a problem with how this
story does no influence its tone especially
within its genre.
As the reader I felt the tone in the beginning
that engaged me into this story, but later
around it slowly decayed in its writing which
kind of made the middle part less entertaining,
in fact, it also affected the ending because
it didn’t really leave any feelings for
the reader to think about.
I believe the author can do more with the
middle part of the story with the conversation
between Rarity and Fluttershy.
Doing so will help the reader know more about
these characters especially saying the main
character is usually Fluttershy and this is
a short story.
This story didn’t have that dark feel to
it entirely which concerns me as the only
genre it was titled in was Dark.
Overall this fic was actually pretty good
but I believe the author can do a lot more
edits so this story can reach its full potential.
Alright let's wrap this video up so a quick
announcement yes I have made my decision I'm
going to make the reviews separate from the
readings so you’ll get two videos for the
week.
I was planning on uploading the reading on
Saturday as usual and the day after I’ll
upload the review so therefore every Sunday.
I still need to work on a few things before
I start doing this on a weekly basis.
Hope you all look forward to it in the meantime
fellow viewer you can check out the trailer
by clicking the annotation on the right the
link will also be down in the description
below.
Alrighty then as always thank you for listening
fellow viewer and if you like the video please
leave this video a thumbs up and if you haven’t
already subscribe to the channel I upload
weekly fanfic reads on a variety of genres.
Alright that’s it for me this is snogwritts
signing out.
