

PARABLE OF A FAIRYTALE

Arias

Copyright © 2017 Arias

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CONTENTS

Part One

Part Two

PART ONE
The City: Rose

I take a step away to avoid the sound of scattered laughter as it spreads to me. Jasmine, my best friend, holds her phone out for all her friends to see the screen. The vine ends, and her friends howl. Parting until another vine begins. Jasmine's group looks like a creature, opening and closing its mouth.

Looking around, I breathe deeply, wondering why I'm here at all in this loud and noisy place. Only young children seem to share my reaction to the mall; they scream.

I suck at my strawberry milkshake, and miss Joshua.

Shifting farther away from the cluster, I begin to walk. Jasmine notices me distancing myself. She jogs to me. Putting her arm around me, she walks with me as I look for an exit. I see the group looking lost without their leader. Quickly they pick up her scent and follow us.

"Rose," Jasmine ignores her friends, and takes my milkshake, "wanna go to the pet store?"

She suggests this looking into my eyes and drinking the rest of my shake.

"I thought you said you would never go there again," I say as Jasmine tosses the empty cup into the trash.

_We could be in the Forest with Joshua right now_ , I think. She's trying to placate me I know, but I won't let her. My gaze is past her, then back to her, but maybe...

"It smells like shit," Jasmine declares with a shrug, "but I'm thinking of you. Expressing my angelic nature. You know, putting others needs before my own."

I smile as we pass by a sunglass store, and shake my head _, Jasmine is always Jasmine_.

She pauses, stopping me with her. Reaching for the closest pair, she balances the child's batman sunglasses on the edge of her nose.

"Rose," she tilts her head, "is my halo shining too bright? Need sunglasses too?" Jasmine innocently holds out another superhero pair.

I laugh at the idea of her being righteous, and push her hand aside. The group, dragging behind but not wanting to be left out of the joke, shuffles closer. Jasmine and I walk faster toward the pet store. The adolescent human herd follows.

At the pet store, surrounded by captured creatures, I worry over their fate. Jasmine, at the entrance where she declares 'clean air still circulates,' laughs and jokes with her troop. Passing the kittens, they open their tiny pink mouths in soundless, desperate cries. I stop, and kneel on the semi-clean checkered floor as they crawl over each other to get closer to me. Reaching in, I lift a fat one out.

"Hey," Jasmine calls, looking in from around the shop door.

I pet the kitten, head down. Peeking up, I see Jasmine waving her hands crooning, "Roooose." She's bored with her friends. Sticking her head in farther, she says loudly, "Rose! Drop the kitten. Let's get out of here."

Detangling the kitten's tiny, sharp claws as they dig through my t-shirt, I say a silent I'm sorry as I place it back in the bin. Leaving the store, Jasmine grabs my hand and pulls me past her friends.

"Where are you guys going?"

Jasmine points in a general direction to her friends and says, "See you at school."

Her dismissal leaves no argument.

Outside, the City evaporates and around us forms the Forest.
The Forest: Jasmine

I asked Rose to go back to the City two days ago, but she keeps making excuses.

The wood floor is smooth on my bare feet as I wander around the kitchen. Rose is so tied to the Forest. Even though she should be more than happy in the City, she's not.

Rose needs the Forest.

She wants to spend time with Joshua. Today, she says she needs to check on the bears. Blah blah blah...

Standing, looking for her out the cottage window, I press my pale feet into the hardwood. As I wait for her to come back, my stomach growls. The kitchen made noodles with meatballs, salad, and biscuits. They're on the table. I grab a biscuit as I walk by.

_Hurry up Rose!_ _I want to eat...get back to the City...go to school...see my friends._ These thoughts I would never share with her. She'd be hurt.

Even back in the City, she'll try and convince me not to go to school. Instead, she'll want us to spend the day with Clara and Papa Joe. She's attached to them, I'm not. They're not our birth parents. We don't know who those people are.

Papa Joe and Clara— well, they're nice. Mainly they annoy me, always telling us what to do. Good parenting, they call it. Pointless, I say. Rose and I are 16, practically adults. We're too old to need their constant instruction.

I eat the biscuit in big bites and crispy dough flakes fall. They disappear as they hit the ground, the kitchen's instant cleanup.

"Hey kitchen," I call, "can I get a cup of coffee."

The room has no voice to answer me, but the coffee appears. I nod and take it.

• • •

Finally Rose comes home. I'm halfway through the cup as she walks into the kitchen, her shirt stained. She smells of things I don't even want to know about.

"I'm not eating with you while you look and smell like that," I say, immediately plugging my nose.

"Like what?" She asks, looking down and pulling her shirt out. "My clothes are kinda dirty." Her fingers move to the edge avoiding stains. Rose pulls off her shirt and keeps on talking. "Jasmine the cubs are _so_ cute! I wish you were there." Rose pauses, and looks at me from the sink as she washes her hands. "Actually no, it's good you weren't because..."

I tune her out. Relax into the rhythm of her voice. I catch the gist of what she says, the birth sounds gross. Rose can get pretty rambly when we're in the Forest. In the City she doesn't say much.

Done with her story, in her bra and shorts, she sits at the table across from me, "Let's eat! I'm starving."

Suddenly I'm annoyed.

"Rose," I say, taking a deep breath, "you still smell." The breeze from the windows flutters the white curtains, and wafts the scent of blood and birth and.. disgusting stuff.

Her large nostrils expand, fingers on the table as she breathes in, trying to smell herself.

"Don't even bother," I say leaning back. "You're already used to your stench." Looking beyond her, I call out past her, "House, fill the tub."

Rose wraps her arms around her, and stands. "I'm sorry." Blushing, her brown cheeks darken.

I made her feel bad. Now _I_ feel bad. I'm just cranky...hungry...and recently I've been getting frustrated with Rose.

Angry for silly things.

"Don't be," I say standing. "Anyway, don't you _want_ to take a bath?" I push her gently toward the stairs.

The end of her ponytail, under my hand, feels slightly smoother than the dark skin of her shoulder.

• • •

As she walks up the staircase, I consider things I like about the Forest.

"More coffee," I call out to the house as I walk back to the kitchen. I need a refill.

Back at the table, I see the house has poured me another cup of black coffee. I take a sip. Perfect, rich and bitter. _I like that the Forest responds to our every need,_ I think, pleased.

Before we found the City as comparison, we just accepted the Forest as it is. All the weird, magical shit was just normal. Now, I know the Forest is different. It defies the science of the City. There are so many unanswered questions. Like why are Rose and I the only humans with access _to_ the Forest? The only humans _in_ the Forest?

It used to make me feel special. Now, I just want to be in the City.

Even though the City doesn't have a cottage responding to us, like something from Disney, I prefer the passive buildings of the City.

In the Forest, everything is aware of us.

Here for us.

Serving us.

I look out the window. The sunlight is fading behind the trees. Beautiful, yes, but I want the one thing the Forest doesn't have...people. The City has plenty of those.

I can't really remember our childhood in the Forest. Can't remember my childhood at all. I have a terrible memory. Rose reminds me of our past, us in the Forest growing up. We must have been born here, but we're not sisters. Papa Joe and Clara tested us years ago at Rose's insistence. The results proclaimed us not even distant cousins. That bothers Rose, that we're not related. She wants family ties.

I like it. I don't know why.
The Forest: Rose

Water falls from the shower head. Hot enough to warm me, though I'm already full of heat because the Forest is never cold. I squeeze out a glob of shampoo and begin lathering my long, shadow dark hair. Honey scent fills the air. Steam rises, this should make me smell better.

Being smelly wouldn't have bothered me if Jasmine hadn't brought it up. She's been so weird to me lately, acting like she's mad at me for anything. It didn't used to be like this, but suddenly, it feels like she's looking for defects with me. Like being me isn't good enough to be her best friend anymore. Things have changed. I blame the City, it's come between us.

My fingertips scrub the globe of my head. My scalp is even until I reach the back of my skull where the large, lumpy scar is. This scar is our key to the City.

I can easily recall the beginning of that day ten years ago. Our world changed in the way that has created a crack of sorrow within me while Jasmine has grown more whole. In the beginning though, there was only fear of the City for both of us.

It was almost evening here in the Forest on that day, and I was climbing up a tree to Jasmine. She was flying around the tree tops.

This was soon after she discovered her gift, her wings, and I felt left out. I always included her in my gift. Well, almost always. Talking with the animals of the Forest isn't something she would like consistently. Some conversations with animals, like the sloth, don't even interest me.

That day, I am trying to climb to Jasmine as she is flying among the clouds. A silly idea, I don't have wings, but we are six. I am nearing the top of the tree, where the branches are not as thick or sturdy as those lower. It is the faith of the young that keeps me climbing past when I should stop.

I feel like I am so close to breaking through to the waiting sleepy sky, but instead the branch I am standing on breaks. Jasmine hears me scream and I remember focusing on her face, which is right above me, following me in my decent. I am beyond her grasp, but not beyond her words, _Rose_ , she screams. I don't feel my body land. I feel my perception of the world shift, and then my breath is knocked out of me as Jasmine lands on top of me.

Cold water slaps me into now. I quickly rinse, fingers pushing the last bit of soap off my hair and skin. My memories do not slip away with it, they continue.

Jasmine, usually the follower in the Forest, becomes my guide in that strange place, now our other home, the City.

I remember crying, holding my head in the City. My head feels too big in my hands and wobbles on my neck. Jasmine hugs me, under the tree I fell from, near a swing set.

Papa Joe and Clara come running through the park and lift us both up. We are lucky they are there. It is evening in the City, just like in the Forest. As Papa Joe and Clara carry us away I see other people watching us, hiding in the shadows of the park.

_What if they had gotten to us first_ , I think now. I guess we were saved by Papa and Clara.

I don't remember much beyond Papa Joe and Clara finding us. I was out of it for days, and so from the beginning Jasmine had a head start on understanding the City, which explains why, even now, she navigates it more easily than I.

"Rose," Jasmine calls as she runs up the stairs and bangs through the door. "I'm starving!"

"Okay," I call, turning off the water, "I'm coming."
The Forest: Jasmine

Rose came out of the shower at my insistence, but I still had to wait for her to dress. Lying on the bed, I watch her move around the room. Her legs are plump and strong. Her body is filling out into the shape of a woman, while mine is still nondescript, boyish.

Rolling off the bed I stand, "I'm going downstairs. Hurry up!"

I'm barely seated at the kitchen table, before Rose skitters in.

"So what do you want to do tomorrow?" I ask, shoving food into my mouth as she sits across from me. I'm glad Rose can't hear my thoughts. She's limited to only the animals of the Forest.

I'm thinking, _let it be her idea then she won't mope when we're back in the City._

Rose takes a bite of salad. "This is delicious kitchen. Thank you," she says.

"Joshua invited us to run with his herd." The idea brings a smile to her face.

I knew it. She's trying to get us to stay longer.

I set my fork down. "I thought we were going back to the City tonight."

Rose doesn't speak for a moment, then she looks at me, hope in her eyes, "Don't you want to ride with Joshua and his herd? You can fly above and race them. You like that."

The mention of flying briefly brings my wings out of my skin. My shirt stretches as they try to unfold. I roll my shoulders, pushing them back down. Resting against me, they become my shoulder blades again.

" _Liked_ it, Rose, past tense, _not_ like it. I'm tired of being in the Forest," I complain. "We've been riding with Joshua and his herd _hundreds_ of times. We've done _everything_ in the Forest. The City has more. More... fun stuff. And it has other humans, like Papa Joe and Clara. Don't you miss them Rose?"

I'm not above playing on her weakness. Slurping a dangling noodle into my mouth, I look at her. She isn't touching her food.

"I do miss them, but the City is not our home," Rose persists. "The Forest is. You don't have your wings and I can't talk to animals in the City. Anyway, Joshua is _here,_ Jasmine. Don't you miss him?"

Her lips push together in concern. I just nod. Rose won't understand. Joshua is a friend, entertainment, an adversary, but I don't have a connection to him like Rose. Also, he _is_ a horse. I want to be around other humans, and there are none in the Forest.

The City, with humans, is where our future is. Not here.

Rose looks at her plate, pushes it away, and finally gives in, "we can leave tonight."
The City: Jasmine

Finally in the City.

I wander the school halls after lunch. Alone and enjoying it. Thoughts of how to untie myself further from Rose slip in my mind. I pause and lean my head against the lockers. My hair pillows me. It's light and wiry against my cheek. Rose is my best friend. She is the one thing that will always be with me, which is why I need space. I wonder, _what kind of life can I create without her_?

"Jasmine!"

Guilt at my thought makes my stomach jump. I turn to the voice. See my friend Maria. Maria has a habit of coming in very close to those who she is speaking to. I always want to push her away. I step back instead.

She leans in, following my movement. With her face near me, she pushes a book into my hands. The cover has a small, dark woman held in the muscled arms of a man. Bits of paper stick out from pages.

"Read the parts that are marked," she tells me. She's all smiles.

I shake my head, holding the book out to her, "Not my kind of thing. Send me a link and maybe I'll check it out."

"It's not online," Maria pushes it back in my hands. "Just read one marked page," she insists.

"Sure," I take it, humoring her, "this book is about sex right?"

"Yeah, kinda, it's a romance novel. I took it from my grandma's bookshelf, so it's like way old," Maria says and rolls her eyes.

"As far as I know, sex stays the same no matter what the era," I raise an eyebrow.

Maria laughs and walks away, calling over her shoulder, "whatever Jasmine, just read it."

Curious now, I open to the first marked page, and read...

Her eyes closed with the sharp intake of breath, brought about by his lips on her delicate rib. Following one rib to the next with kisses, his nose lay nestled under Sky's small heaving breast.

So corny! But...the words bring a new feeling to my body. I'm uncomfortable and embarrassed.

"Hi Jasmine," Rose says coming up from behind me, and leaning her head against my shoulder briefly. "What are you reading?"

Shutting the book quickly I press the cover against my shirt.

"Something for class," I say quickly. Switching the subject, I throw my arm around her, leading her toward my next class. "I was waiting for you...do you think Papa Joe and Clara would take us to pizza tonight?"

Walking down the hall, Rose stops at her locker. With her back turned, I shove the book into my backpack. Another new feeling brings a smile to my face.

Privacy.

• • •

After a late pizza dinner and family conversation, Papa Joe and Clara say goodnight to us. From their room we hear the beginning of a movie, their usual bedtime routine. I feel a bit of excitement. I just have to wait for Rose to fall asleep.

"Hey Rose," I say flopping on the warm cream couch, "let's watch the travel channel." Rose loves to see other places in this world. She wants to travel to all of them. So far we have just seen the City.

"Okay." Rose smiles and comes close to curl quickly next to me.

As she turns on the TV, I remember something from when we were young. She looks up at me as I remove myself from her.

The red wooden brush is waiting on Rose's dresser. My hand grabs around the smooth handle and return holding it up. Rose puts her hands together. Looking like a child in prayer, her brown eyes are dark, sleepy. This was our bedtime routine as children in the Forest. It's been awhile since we've done it. We aren't children anymore.

"Do you want me to brush your hair first?" Rose asks holding out her hand.

"No." I touch my light brown frizz springing in all directions from my head. "I don't need it poofier. Sit." I smile wide. She won't last fifteen minutes.

Rose throws a pillow on the floor and settles on it between my legs. I begin to brush her hair.

"So that's what the other side of this continent looks like, another city," Rose says staring at the TV. She sighs softly. Her head is relaxed, tilted toward my right knee, "I thought we were too old to do this anymore?" She questions tiredly.

"We've just been doing other things," I say and let the silky strands leave the brush and fall through my fingers. I wish my hair were as straight, instead of a curly mass. "We can do it more often if you want," I graciously offer in my guilt.

There's no answer from Rose.

"Rose?"

Smoothing back her hair, I see the flush of her cheeks, part of her lips. Her eyelids are closed.

Rose is asleep.
The City: Rose

I roll out of bed, telling Jasmine, across the screen that separates us, of a dream I had during the night. A nightmare really with a man and woman I called mommy and daddy, but I was scared of them.

"It was so weird Jasmine, it felt real," I say, but there's no sound from her side of the room. I peek around her screen, "Jasmine?" Jasmine's bed is empty.

I'm a heavy sleeper, but I'm usually the first one awake.

"Jasmine?" I call again into our bathroom as I look around the door. It's empty.

I wander into the living room, still wearing the clothes I had on yesterday. I don't even remember going to bed. My hair is tangled from sleep, and my fingers snag in a knot as I scratch my head. The living room is empty too, but across it Clara and Papa Joe are already sitting, eating breakfast in the kitchen.

_Where's Jasmine_ , I wonder.

"Good morning Rose," Clara says.

She skims her light colored hand on Papa Joe's earth brown cheek as she stands and comes over to me, embracing me as though she hadn't just seen me last night. She never knows when Jasmine and I are coming or going.

"Good morning," I say quietly and hug her back.

Her unwashed shoulder, still damp from her morning run, is sticky under my hand, and I wipe it on my pants.

"Sorry sweetie," Clara wrinkles her nose, "I probably smell like sweat too." She turns, "Joe, I'm going to take a shower."

Papa Joe nods to Clara as she passes him, "Good morning," his says to me, bass voice booming and he motions me over to the table.

"Hi," I say. my voice soft, easing into the quiet of the room.

Papa Joe rises kissing my forehead, "Breakfast?"

"I'll make myself tea thanks," I say.

Papa Joe comes with me into the kitchen as I warm some water in the kettle.

"Where's Jasmine?" he asks me.

"Gone."

Papa looks at me, and takes a drink of his coffee. I look at the kettle, waiting for my water to heat.

"Are you and Jasmine okay?" he asks finally. "You two always leave for school together."

"Of course we're fine," I say as the water begins to boil, "she just had something to do at school. I'll see her there."

I don't really want tea I realize, and turn off the stove. Looking down at my bare feet, I leave the room.

_Why did she leave me behind? She never has before_ , I think as I undress in our room. Sadness at her desertion builds heat. Walking into the bathroom I stare into the mirror. _You're weak_ , I silently tell myself. S _o what if she left earlier than you?_

It is only here in the City I have thoughts like this. It is only because _of_ the City I have these thoughts. Jasmine and I have always been best friends, but now I'm afraid she's leaving the Forest and me behind.

• • •

Walking alone to school, my hair's still wet under my hood, and my feelings are out of order, like my thoughts. I concentrate on my pale pink converse. I released every tear I had in the shower so there is no chance of anyone seeing my vulnerability in public. I want to ask Jasmine if she's mad at me, but I won't. Probably because I don't want to know her answer.

Rounding the City street corner, a gust of wind blows the chill air around me, and my hood off. Just a few more blocks to school. I console myself against the cold, pulling my hood back up. Force myself to think of something happy, something safe I can count on. Immediately images of Joshua come up, but I push them away. I need to find something to focus on in the City. I pause and close my eyes. Papa and Clara waver through my mind and I catch them, continuing to walk with them in mind. I think about the fun we could have here if we stay this weekend in the City

Papa Joe and Clara would be so happy. We could watch movies and maybe take a day trip outside the City. I wanted to see what was beyond the City but we never travel outside of it, only to the edge. I don't know why.

The wind blows sadness back to me. If we spend the weekend in the Forest, it will make Papa and Clara very sad. I hate to see sadness in their eyes as they ask about our adventures in the Forest. Our being gone causes them pain, they miss us.

They've been taking care of us since we found the City. They were childless and wanting to adopt, when they first found us. They considered us even more of a gift when they found we could move between worlds.

I enter school thinking about how they thought that Jasmine and I were delusional when we had first told them about the Forest.

_Delusional_ ...the idea pulls a laugh from my mouth. I'm still smiling when one of Jasmine's many friends comes beside me.

"Hey, Rose. Where's Jasmine?"

She keeps pace beside me as I walk down the hall. I think her name's Maria.

"I don't know." I stop, letting the crowd stream around us and ask, "You haven't seen her?"

"Duh, I wouldn't ask otherwise," she says, looking at me like I'm an idiot.

Turning back the way I came, I walk against the perfume and cologne smelling crowd.

"Hey! Rose! Are you going to tell me where she is? I let her borrow something yesterday," Maria calls out as I move away.

"She's out of town," I mutter.

I'm surprised at the anger in me. If she's not already at school, then I'm sure Jasmine is in the Forest. The Forest is _ours_. Why is she sneaking there without me, and why is she going there at all? I'm furious. I was thinking of ways to be happy in the City, for _her_ , while she's sneaking off to the Forest _without_ me.

Outside the double doors the cold is all consuming, but it won't be long before I am in the warmth of the Forest. I round the corner of the school, into a small nook where I am hidden from the wind and my classmates. Focusing on the Forest, I watch the City fall away.
The Forest: Jasmine

I've never been in the Forest without Rose.

Lying on the bed, I think of the freedom in that. I haven't moved all morning. Not after what I discovered last night.

The book held a whole new world, a grown-up world, full of different feelings and images. I reread the last passage and then went through all the marked pages. The kisses and touches the character's exchanged from head to toe, were described in detail. Reading the intimate moments of the characters produced real feelings in my body.

Feelings I want to explore, but wasn't sure how.

In the book, the touches were always romantic and loving, and well...pleasurable. I have never been in love, but spent all night daydreaming what it would be like.

Maybe it was time to start dating, I muse. I hear Rose outside. I move into the sunlight towards Rose's voice. She's talking to Joshua. It's weird I didn't see him at all last night. Or this morning until Rose came. He probably doesn't care if I'm here, not unless Rose is with me.

Rose won't look at me as I approach and Joshua just stares. I hear birds and animals in the trees. I must have been really into that book, I didn't hear any outside noises until now.

Rose is glaring at me as I stretch my arms up and yawn.

"Hey guys," I say.

No response.

I pull my hands over my frizzy hair, and then release it to put my hands in the pockets of my jean shorts.

"Rose," I try.

Nothing. I look at Joshua for some clue as to what's wrong, but he just keeps staring at me like I should know.

"Rose?" I say again.

Finally she glances at me, with anger in her expression that I had never seen directed at me. Crap, this had to be about me leaving. She wasn't angry when she went to bed.

"I'm sorry I left without telling you," I apologize coming close to her. Getting right to the point should soothe her. _If_ that's what she's mad about.

"Why did you leave?" Her arms are folded over her chest. "You're getting so, I don't know, so rude! Didn't you care I would wonder where you were?"

"No. Where else would I go but here?" The freedom I felt last night was leaving, "I figured you would come when you wanted...and you have, so what's the problem?" I say in defense.

Why was I under attack? I took time for myself, and Rose is freaking out? I feel guilty now. And angry that she's making me feel guilty. I push that aside. Reaching out my bare foot I nudge her pink converse.

Can't she see she's overreacting.

"I...I don't know. I just feel like you're becoming so different," Rose finally says. Her head is down so I can't see her face, but I think she's probably close to tears.

My annoyance grows, but the guilt is stronger.

"Hey Rose I'm sorry, really, I didn't know you would be this upset," I say hugging her, feeling her lean into me.

I must have grown recently, we used to be the same height but now her cheek rests near my chin. I'm reminded of a scene in the book from last night, except I would be the man in this situation. That thought made me step away from Rose.

"I'm just going to take a shower and then we'll spend the day here, okay?" I say.

I need to do something to make this up to her.
The Forest: Rose

Jasmine feels different, like she's built a wall around herself. She won't tell me why she came to the Forest alone. Something must have happened last night.

I sit beneath the big oak tree in front of our houses to wait for her, drawing. Not a picture really, just swirls and loops.

"Rose, here," Jasmine says coming out of the house, wet and clean. The sunlight highlights dry streaks of frizzy blond hair, through the dripping brown curls.

She throws a bag to me. I catch it. Something hard swings around and hits me on the cheek. I look inside. The bag is filled with apples and a light blanket.

"Where are we going?" I ask.

Jasmine is already walking away from me, adjusting her own bag. I hear Joshua moving from where he had been resting behind me. He passes me, glancing at me as he pauses, black hair falling over his forehead into his eyes.

"Am I going to celebrate our birthday alone?" Jasmine asks throwing pine cones in our direction.

I smile in realization where we are heading. We used to go at least once a year, on our birthday, to find the end of the Forest. We hadn't gone in a long time, a few birthdays. Quite a few.

I quickly stand, leaving my notebook beneath the tree. Jasmine waits for me, motioning for me to pass her.

"Jasmine, why did you pick today to be our birthday?" I ask, and then regret it as her eyes narrow slightly.

Her reaction makes me question the motivation behind going. I'm about to say that we shouldn't go, but then her eyes widen in her usual comical expression and she takes a breath.

"I want to explore the Forest like we did when we were kids. Since we always did that on our birthday, I pick today," she says, her voice light.

When Jasmine acts like things aren't a big deal, I feel like I'm being too sensitive. Maybe I should just feel good. I always felt special, that since we don't know our actual birthday, we get to pick any day of the year. I decide to believe that Jasmine has missed me, us. _We're celebrating like old times_ , I decide.

Skipping to the front, I lead. Jasmine behind me and Joshua behind her. Ever since we were kids I led the way on the journey, talking to animals as we went, always trying to navigate a path out of the Forest. We always ended up back at the cottages no matter which way we took or how far we traveled. Maybe this time it would be different. Not that it matters much, we found the City. Still, it's tradition. Taking my place at the head of our group, we begin.

"Thanks Jasmine," I say, looking back and smiling at her. "Thanks for thinking of this. I'm sorry I freaked out earlier."

Jasmine's gaze meets mine briefly as she says, "I'm sorry. I should have told you I was coming here."

As her eyes stumble from my face to the ground, I catch a glimpse of remorse. I'm surprised to see it, and face forward again. She usually justifies her actions instead of taking responsibility for them. _Maybe things are_ ... the thought is interrupted by Jasmine's voice, which suddenly scampers up with its usual ironic tone into the silence.

"But you know, thinking of this little expedition was out of desperate boredom."

... _things...aren't...different._ I look back to see her expression has change from remorse to indifference.

"What else is there to do here, that we haven't done a million times before," her eyes find the sky as she ignores me.

I step over a log as we move deeper into the forest. Joshua's thoughts flow into my mind, _I thought you two had given up on the idea of finding the end of the Forest._

I tell his thought to Jasmine.

"Why? Have _you_ given up?" Jasmine asks. "Finding a way out of the Forest doesn't matter anymore to me. I have the City."

"You mean _we_ have the City," I say, looking back at her, bitterness in my tone, as I simultaneously pass the information to Joshua.

Joshua doesn't answer her, but snorts and trots next to me, breaking formation. He always seems to know how I'm feeling.
The Forest: Jasmine

The bristle of Joshua's tail flicks my bare arm as he passes. He finds a place beside Rose. This part of the Forest is dense, and his large body brushes aside the tangle of bright and muted green leaves. He dodges around trees to stay close to her. I'm glad he went ahead.

I take my time. Slow my steps. Allow more distance between us.

I felt trapped, sandwiched in between them. I want independence. The book, with all the kissing and touching had not only brought feelings of pleasure, but ideas of a life that would bring that pleasure.

I crave secret kisses. Wish for affection.

The only thing that came close to that kind of intimacy was my relationship with Rose. I don't want that. Our closeness is an obstacle to getting what I want. With no other humans in the Forest, I need to be in the City. I hate splitting my time between there and here.

Passing a bright pink flower, I pick it and crush it.

I flash through the faces of boys at school. I'm surprised at how few I remember. There has to be someone that I think is cute. Someone that will make me feel like the girl in the story.

I want that breathless love.

A blurry image of my City friend, Elijah, forms in my thoughts. I focus on it, bringing his features into place. He has brown eyes and longish brown hair that curls under his beanie and over his t-shirt. When he laughs, his cheeks flush. I felt a tingle in my belly close to the tingle that reading the book had brought. The feeling jumps as I stumble over a hidden root.

Ignoring the root, my thoughts adjust back to Elijah. Except Elijah is gone now and a new face replaces him, Hayden, a girl in my math class, and then Sophia, a girl who I barely know. The tingle grows as more faces flitter through my head, but now the faces included shoulders and rounded chests.

I shake my head. This feeling is too private to be having out in the open.

I hear Rose laugh. In the distant I spot them far ahead of me. The thoughts and feelings push gently on me. Stopping, I lean against a tree. Close my eyes. I don't stop the images that are coming...soft brown stomach. Skin. Cheeks. Lips. Pink lips, full.

Girl's lips.

Eyes close as I pull her lips to mine. Who? Whose?

Opening my eyes in my imagination I look. Look into her eyes. Brown eyes stare back. I recognize these eyes...Rose?

It's Rose.
The Forest: Rose

I stop Jasmine and Joshua as we come to the edge of the Forest.

Looking through the limbs of trees, linked and separating us from an open field. We've never been this far before. Standing in the middle of my friends, I reach my thoughts out to any animals in the area, hoping they can guide us from here.

_Hello_ , I think to animals that might be beyond us. Nothing responds, but I'm still excited with how far we've come.

My breath is faster as I say, "Look at the mountains. All we have to do is cross this field, and we'll be at the base of them."

Closer now than ever before I can see the golden, chocolate dirt of the mountain. It doesn't look real. I look at Jasmine. Her eyes won't meet mine as she smoothes back her dried wheat colored hair that won't obey, in its wild mass of directionless strands.

"We might actually see what's beyond the Forest, Jasmine. "

Looking beyond me Jasmine says, "I bet past those mountains is the City." She blows a strand of hair off her hot, pink cheeks. "I'm ready. Let's go."

Jasmine steps into the field...almost, I catch her arm. She turns to me, lips pursed, and shakes me off.

"Jasmine," I say, "wait."

Jasmine pauses, but won't look at me. She's acting like she can't stand to be around Joshua and me. She was lagging behind us so far that I thought she had gone back to the cottage...or the City. Then when she finally caught up to us she acted mad, not explaining where she had been or even letting me walk near her.

Shifting her feet now, she starts into the field again.

"Jasmine, stop," I reach for her again but she twists so my hand lands on air. "Stop," I persist, "we don't know what will happen if we go farther. We don't know why we've been stopped before."

Joshua takes a step closer to me, and I lean against him. He can tell I am hurt. I'm sure Jasmine can tell too. She must because she stops again, this time turning to face me and Joshua.

"Are you saying you think there is an actual presence that has stopped us before?" Jasmine chuckles condescendingly.

"I don't know," I step around her, blocking the way to the field, facing her, "and you don't know either Jasmine," my eyes are burning, and all the previous emotion comes rushing back, as my voice raises, "you don't know everything, and stop acting like somehow overnight I'm not worth being friends with anymore," my hands clench at my sides.

She takes a small step around me, challenging me to stop her again. Her attitude is infuriating and I shut my voice down, afraid I'm going to yell at her.

Jasmine holds my eye for a minute, and I hear Joshua nervously pacing behind us. His thoughts try to push into my head, but I am too consumed with the hard pumping of my heart to hear.

"I know this is serious, Forest rules," she says walking backward into the field. "And what rules are we talking about Rose?" She shrugs. "Rules like...have fun? Be taken care of by your magical cottage? Have super powers like...flying...and talking to animals. Never be subjected to anything but warm, sunny days," she says, laughing at me, "yes, I can see the Forest has stern guidelines, and might therefore reprimand us if we break them." She turns her back to me now.

_Fine, you win Jasmine_ , I think. I bite my lip and look down, not wanting this to continue.

I'm hurt. She's always hurting me these days. I run past her into the field.
The Forest: Jasmine

I easily catch up with Rose as she runs.

I don't know why I had been so angry as we came to the field, but seeing her run into the open space _alone_ fills me with horror. I grab her arm, and my wings lift us both off the ground. Whatever happens, it will happen to both of us. Or all of us; Joshua appears underneath. We are entering the middle of the field and nothing has stopped us yet. We might just make...

I don't see the cottage appear. I feel it as it crushes my face. My nose connects first. I lose my grip on Rose.

It's a shame I'm going so fast.

We fall to the ground. I hit, one beat behind her. Pain is bursting through my face. Turning my head, I see Rose. She is lying motionless beside me.

"Rose!" I call loudly to her.

Flipping, I kneel beside her. Drip blood on her.

I shake her shoulder, but she gives no response. Pushing back her hair, there, below her hairline, is an ugly lump.

"Rose." I whisper gently, tapping her soft cheek.

She lays still, as still as the dead. _No._ I begin to panic, but catch myself. Taking a deep breath through my mouth, I wipe at my ruined nose. _Ow! That hurts!_ _Focus, focus on Rose_.

Rose's chest is rising and falling. She's not dead.

I look up. I'd probably just hit the side of the cottage with my face. Unfortunately, when I stopped on impact, I must have thrown Rose full force into the side of the cottage.

Why wasn't our _magic_ cottage helping her? _Help her_ , I think.

I can't wait, Rose needs the City.

Holding her, I call the City to us.
The City: Jasmine

The City reassembles itself around us, Rose still in my arms. We are on the street outside of the apartment. How did we end up here? I struggle to pick Rose up and carry her in to Papa Joe and Clara.

I can't do it. My face is aching and blood is flying everywhere as I struggle. I sit with Rose on the ground again. A woman down the street, see's us and comes quickly.

"Oh dear! Were you in the accident?" The woman says, coat flapping.

"Please go in there," I say, ignoring the question. I gesture to the apartment, "2B."

The lady rushes away inside. Soon, Clara comes hurtling out the doors, takes off her sweater and throws it to me.

"Press it to your nose," Clara says, dropping to her knees. She immediately begins examining Rose.

_How could I have been so mean to Rose?_ I think. Clara feels Rose ribs, arms, legs.

"Is she going to be okay?" I ask, hating the waver in my voice.

Clara looks up from Rose to me, "Yes, I called an ambulance, they're on the way. You need to be seen by them too Jasmine," she moves the sweater away from my face.

"I'm okay." I frown at her misplaced concern. Rose is the one to worry about.

"You'll _be_ okay," Clara says in a soft confident tone, "but I'm pretty sure you have a broken nose."

Waiting for the medics is taking forever. I stare at Rose and repeat again and again in my head, _please make her better please make her better_. It became like a mantra, all the words running together, _pleasemakeherbetterpleasemakeherbetter._ I was sure I could help her with these simple words, and as she opens her eyes, I feel I did.

Rose looks at me, blinks, looks at Clara, and mumbles, "It's our birthday, seventeen now."

Her eyes close again as the medics pull up. They load her up and take her. I want to go with her, but she'll want to know about Joshua. I step back and disappear into the Forest.
The Forest: Jasmine

Joshua is crumpled next to the cottages. We don't have the special connection that he and Rose have, but he is family. He also annoys me like a huge, slightly dopey brother, but he is part of the Forest, a part of Rose it felt like.

Guilty that I had forgotten him, I sit beside him. His big belly moves with his breath. I scan his sleek black coat; dirt; no blood. Probably, he had barely hit the cottage.

"Some animals have all the luck," I comment under my breath.

He doesn't move as I get to my feet. It's Rose who needs me.
The City: Jasmine

I wake sprawled on my back.. Remnants of a dream haunt me.

... _getting out of control...going to kill themselves_

... _in too deep...no going back...forward and hope for the best_

...dream voices echo.

_Rose needs me,_ I think as the dream leaves me. It's night. Darkness spills shadows around me. There's a washcloth, covered in my rusty red blood, next to my face. Rolling over I hold my aching head.

I'm at home, in my bed.

I don't know how I got here. There's no time to think about that now. Forcing myself up, I strip off my bloodied clothes, and throw on clean ones. Walking into the living room, I pause. No one is here, so quickly I leave to the hospital.

• • •

I ask the nurse is the lobby where Rose is.

"You should see a doctor before you see your friend dear," the nurse kindly says.

"It's okay. My parents are up there with her. They'll get me care if I need it," I respond.

Finally, she tells me Rose is on the third floor. Room 347.

"Are you sure I can't get you some help?" She calls after me, but I don't look back.

Outside Rose's door, I take a breath.

Quietly, I enter. She lies sleeping. The knot on her head is smaller. Her pale face is two shades lighter than her uncovered dark arm that lies on top of the blanket.

I am so focused on Rose, I don't notice Papa Joe. Joe is beside her bed. He's staring at me, book on his lap, forehead creased with a frown.

"Hey," I say feeling awkward.

"How'd you get here?" Papa Joe asks, standing halfway.

I shrug, "Walked. What's the deal with Rose?" I ask him, "Is she okay?"

"Yes," he says standing and letting the book fall. He reaches out to me, "You though, you look really bad Jasmine,"

"Stop, I'm fine," I state, and avoid his hand. His frown deepens as he turns on a light.

Rose sleeps unaware of the illumination.

"Jasmine," Papa Joe says, eyes wide.

I decide humor is the best approach and say quickly, "Tell me true...do I look deformed?" I try to smile, but it hurts too much.

Papa Joe tries to quiet his sudden laugh. It's still deep and loud. Through his laughter he says, "Always with the jokes, Jasmine."

With the focus no longer on me, I go close to Rose. Gently, I touch her hand. Rose doesn't stir. Papa Joe goes to the other side of the bed.

Shaking his head he looks at me, "Girl, you look like you lost a boxing match. Have you seen yourself?" he asks quietly as he takes my shoulders, pulling me in front of the bathroom hospital mirror.

"It's not so bad," I say looking at my swollen face quickly, then move back to Rose.

"She's fine," he says, "a mild concussion. We told the docs that she was in a car accident."

Sounds gather in my head.

"The doctor said she probably threw up her hands to protect herself, reflexes." Papa Joe continues, "she could have gone home this afternoon, but you know Clara..." Papa Joe breathes out deeply and shrugs. "Rose has been sleeping mostly, but woke once panicked about you and Joshua."

Images...broken glass, sound... Rose screaming, smell... burnt rubber. Weird, but then again, I have a great imagination. One little suggestion and it is off and running.

"Obviously there was no car," I state to myself.

Papa Joe looks at me strangely, "You were in the Forest."

Irritated, I turn away from him, "Where else?"

Papa Joe comes over. "It's good you're here to talk to her now. Although, showing her you're okay might be a problem."

I laugh as Papa Joe gathers his book and puts a hand on my shoulder.

"Rose is in good hands with you. I'm headed downstairs to get Clara. She's getting that god awful hospital coffee. We'll head home to get some rest, and be back in a few hours."

Leaving he turns to me, "You and Rose will be okay now that you're together." Smiling, he nods to me.

Sitting beside Rose I watch her breathe. My face hurts.

Getting up, I really look at myself. Back at the bathroom mirror, the fluorescent lights illuminate my reflection.

I look truly creepy. I like it.

My nose covers twice as much area of my face as it normally does. It's puffy and red, but that isn't the worst. My eyes. The skin surrounding my pretty peeps are a collage of purples, greens, and yellow. It looks like a baby has applied paint to me. I turn, tilting my face more toward the light. My darkly bruised eyes stare back. I smile, thinking of Papa Joe's comment on boxing.

Except to me it looks like I won, not lost.

Something doesn't fit. It's my hair, it curls around my face. I look like a damsel in distress, not a fighter.

_This hair has to go_ , I think.

One last look in the mirror, and I can't help but do a little victory punch in the air.

Murmur sounds behind me.

_Rose_.

Quickly I move to the slim bed that holds her.

"It's okay Rose, I'm here," I say touching her hand, stroking her hair.

Her breath deepens. She's back asleep. Sitting, I lean into the still warm chair where Joe had sat. Thoughts slowly roll into one another until they don't make sense. My eyes are almost closed as Rose's suddenly open.

"Jasmine?" she asks, head turned to me, squinting in the darkness.

"It's me," I reassure her. "How do you feel?" I squeeze her hand.

Rose removes her hand from mine, pushing up on the bed suddenly wide awake. "I want to go to the Forest to check on Joshua."

"Relax. Joshua is fine. Papa Joe and Clara are picking us up in a few hours."

Rose takes a deep breath in, focusing on my face. "You're hurt."

Her voice is soft with sleepiness, sharp with worry. Climbing in the narrow bed, lying beside her, our shoulders, hips, and legs warm each other.

"Nah. Just looks that way."

I can feel her thinking. Knowing that will lead to worry I add, "Let's rest now."

She just needed permission to relax. Her body leans more into mine, head resting on my shoulder.

Rose is back asleep. Lips slightly parted, I feel her whispered breath on my neck. My thoughts, foggy, tired, wander back to what happened before the field.

It all suddenly makes sense. As we lie, innocent as children, I realize Rose's face is the one I am most familiar with. Naturally, it went through my mind all the time.

I turn slightly, getting comfortable.

Rose is my best friend. That's all. Anyway, it was just a moment in the Forest. One moment that doesn't _mean_ anything and doesn't _change_ anything. I love Rose, love her like family.

Once clarified, I feel myself drift off.
The City: Rose

Clara makes me green tea, my favorite, this morning. I swallow my first sip as Jasmine bursts out of the bedroom door. Turning to look at her, I choke.

It's Jasmine, but it doesn't look like her. I cough, stand, and then sit back down.

"You look like...you look... you look different," I say stunned.

"Thanks," she says pleased.

I glare at her, but she's not looking at me. "Why didn't you tell me you were going to cut your hair?" I try to withhold the disturbed quality from my voice.

"We had just got back from the hospital. I wasn't going to wake you," she looks at me closely. "Your bruise has darkened, but so has your face. You're back to being a person of color. Congratulations," she plops down in the chair next to me, smiling at her own joke, and grabs a buttered bagel.

Jasmine!" Clara exclaims coming around the corner, "Oh wow! Your hair! You look fascinating dear! It shows off your face very well."

Jasmine glows under her new, short, curly hair. The only bit of her long curly frizz is covering her right eye, hanging to touch the top of her cheek. She's pleased with Clara's comment.

"Does the back look okay?"

She turns, showing Clara an uneven line of hair above her bare neck.

"I could have cut the back for you," I say. It should sound like an offer but it comes out like an accusation.

Jasmine leans back on her chair, squinting her eyes at me.

"You were sleeping," she says casually, stretching her legs in front of her.

"You should have woken me up, or waited," I protest."Why not do it this morning instead of last night. Why don't you talk to me anymore?" I'm surprised at how whiny I sound.

"Rose. Chill," Jasmine yawns around her words.

I'm about to respond when Clara says, "I'll be right back with scissors to even you out," and leaves the room.

My fingertips brush the bump on my head as I push my hair back, circling it around my ears. _Be...less serious,_ I chide myself. "Maybe you can cut some bangs to cover this ugly lump, Jasmine?" I ask gesturing to my forehead.

Jasmine doesn't look up from her phone as she answers me, "I'm not planning on making it a profession, Rose. My hair didn't suit me anymore. Besides, your dark skin hides the bruise and the swelling is less."

Clara is back with scissors and in a few snips to Jasmine's head proclaims, "The back is even now."

I stand. "Let's go to school."

Jasmine loudly gulps her juice as Clara comes to my side, and lightly touches my back. "Come home if you feel dizzy or sick, okay?"

"Okay," I agree and she disappears into her bathroom.

Jasmine looks to me as Clara leaves.

"What, Jasmine?" I ask, my tone cold.

"Nothing," she says, leaving the room to grab her sweatshirt.

"Don't worry," I say as she comes back and grabs her backpack, "I won't be stealing your limelight. My bruise won't be visible at all." I turn toward the room where Clara disappeared. "Clara," I call, "Can you cover my bruise?"

Jasmine grabs her bag. "I'm going to school," she says and leaves.

Alone, I wait until Clara comes back into the room with a makeup bag.

The smell of powder and perfume fills the air around me as she opens the bag. Her finger dips into a jar containing my skin color and she dabs me with it.

"Where's Jasmine?" she asks, looking around.

"Left already," I say, knowing I must look as rejected as I feel.

"You girls are just growing into your independent selves," Clara reassures me, and changes the subject. "Usually you wouldn't care about something like this bruise showing, Rose."

I close my eyes, "Jasmine is worried I'll steal her moment."

The soft brush traces my lump and wispy movements lull me.

"I didn't know there was a moment to be stolen," Clara chuckles, "but I think it will be very difficult for anything to draw attention away from Jasmine's new look."

I open my eyes watching Clara, holding a fat makeup brush in one hand. Tilting her head, she looks at her work from all angles, until finally, she nods.

"Take a look," she says holding up a mirror. "It's gone already."

The bruise was completely hidden, except for a slight lump extending from my head.

"Thank you, it looks perfect," I say toneless.

Clara smiles proudly.

• • •

Once outside, I'm surprised to see Jasmine waiting outside the building.

"Finally," she says, and asks, "are you leaving to the Forest tonight?"

We begin walking to school, and I stay silent for a block.

"Why?" I ask, "Do you want to go there by yourself again?"

She glances at me. "Maybe," she responds gauging my reaction. Then her voice turns jagged, "Rose, I was scared shitless yesterday. I wouldn't be able to be okay if you weren't."

I don't respond. One second she's acting like she doesn't care and the next her voice is holding back tears. I just keep walking until finally she breaks the silence and as usual, changes the subject.

"It's important that you don't tell anyone an excuse of how I got this." Jasmine says to me, all business. "Just say you don't know. I'm not going to say anything either. I'll just shrug. I'm trying to keep it mysterious. Okay?"

She smiles my favorite smile, the lopsided one, and it's no use to try and stay angry. I forgive her then for her bipolar behavior because...because she's Jasmine. As she smiles, I realize that her new look fits her better. She never had the personality to fit her feminine hair. With her closely cropped hair, it fit who she is or, maybe, who she is becoming.

"Okay," I say softly.

We walk quickly, and as we round the corner to school I want to make sure that things stay good between us.

"You look great Jasmine. You look more like you than you ever have," I say truthfully.

Glancing at me she says, "You too. You're really beautiful Rose. You should know that."

The sincerity in her voice startles me.

Everything is fine between us.

• • •

First period is with Mrs. Bell, natural science. I arrive late. Jasmine has already beaten me there. She's sitting in the back row, already focused on the test like the rest of class. Mrs. Bell exchanges my tardy slip for the exam, and I take my seat.

I finish the test just before the bell rings. It wasn't hard, but I like to recheck my answers. As I walk back to my seat, I see Jasmine passing time reading a book. She glances up and gives me a wink as the shrill of the bell makes me jump slightly. I quickly lose sight of her as classmates merge around her desk. Snippets of their questions brush my ears as I gather my backpack.

"How did it...? What happened? Hurt...fight?

Jasmine, true to her word, does not answer a single question. She is attentive, looking each eager face right in the eye, but her answer is a shrug and smile...her half smile. Her swollen face holds no explanation. Only her eyes, with their discolored rings, hold a secret that she clearly was too humble to reveal. They ate it up! No one moved from her side until Mrs. Bell clears her throat, reminding us that we need to get to our next class. I was just as bad as the rest of the students. Jasmine's performance has me mesmerized just like them. Knowing the truth made it even more intriguing. I was amazed at her skill navigating the space between the truth and lies.

"Jasmine, Rose. Can you come up here please?" Mrs. Bell motions toward her desk.

Students dissolve into the hall while Jasmine and I approach. Jasmine sits on the edge of Mrs. Bell's desk while I stand, arms holding my bag to my chest.

"Do you each have another class right away, or is this your free period?" Mrs. Bell asks crossing her legs.

I hesitate, but Jasmine speaks up right away.

"I have a math exam," she says, "I could come back after." Smiling sweetly she adds, "If you like, Mrs. Bell."

Mrs. Bell stares at Jasmine for a moment disturbed, it seems, by what she sees, "No, no. That wouldn't work. Perhaps this is something your parents should be here for too." Mrs. Bell says quietly, clearly talking to herself more than us. Her attention turns back to us, "Go on now to class girls. Good luck on your tests."

Jasmine and I leave the classroom with a questioning air. We dare not discuss what all that was about as Mrs. Bell is almost directly behind us, leaving when we did.

While walking to Jasmine's math class on the other side of school, Jasmine's friends drop into step with us and Mrs. Bell slides away. Again, Jasmine shifts around their questions with a shrug and smile. Curious students follow behind our path like footprints in the snow, until they realize they aren't going to hear any gossip, then they leave disappointed.

Jasmine loves it. She's the center of attention, the keeper of the most sought after knowledge. They are all wondering why was she so proud of her damaged face.

Entering her math class, Jasmine looks at me over her shoulder, and gives a little wave. I laugh, feeling foolish for my earlier outburst. Everything is still the same. She isn't trying to get rid of me, I sigh in relief letting go of all my worries. I watch her through the open door as she settles into her desk. She looks so vulnerable with her bruised, swollen face, short pixie hair falling over her right eye, and her thin, lanky frame. From a distance she looks like a child in need of rescue. What a deceptive appearance.

I am leaning against the wall next to the closed door of the classroom as the bell rings, thinking of deception, when Mrs. Bell suddenly reappears walking down the hall to me.

"Rose? I thought you had an exam in math?" Mrs. Bell says with a tight smile.

"Ummm, no that was Jasmine. I was just walking with her. I'm headed to my free period." I say, gently peeling myself off the wall and dropping my gaze. "I'm sorry. I know no one is supposed to be in the halls during class times."

I turn to walk away, but Mrs. Bell puts her hand on my shoulder. I'm caught. I don't want to talk to her without Jasmine.

"It's okay," her nostrils flare as she takes a quick breath in, "let's talk."

I panic a little, and say, "I don't have much time. I'm helping Mr. Gold with the rabbit experiment. I need to feed them."

The excuse was enough to flee, but instead of smiling and walking away as Jasmine would have done, I wait for Mrs. Bell to give me permission. She takes my hesitation as a sign that I want to talk.

"You can be a bit late Rose." Smiling reassuringly, she puts her hand on my back. "I'll write you a pass," she says as she guides me back to where I thought I had escaped.

In her room, she gestures for me to have a seat. I sit close to her desk. Mrs. Bell places herself on the desktop and leans toward me. She's so close now I can see from her unlined face that it probably wasn't that long ago she was a student in high school.

"Rose," she begins in a confiding, friendly way, "is everything okay at home for you and Jasmine?" She pauses looking at me expectantly.

"Of course," I say.

"I've noticed some warning signs, and I want to address them. You can feel comfortable telling me anything." Mrs. Bell's eyes hold mine. "Today, seeing Jasmine with this physical trauma I realize I might have let this go on too long,"

"What has gone on too long?" I say but I'm starting to understand what she suspects. Quickly I exchange my question for a statement. "Mrs. Bell," I say sweetly, "we are straight A students. Without the support we have at home, I don't think we would be doing so well." I need to erase her misplaced concern.

"Yes, you both are doing very well," she pauses, seemingly stuck with how to proceed. Her eyes look so worried. She finally says, "Don't be afraid to tell me how Jasmine's face got hurt. I can protect you both," she nods encouragingly for me to share some dark secret with her.

"Thank you for your concern, but there's nothing to protect us from." I politely respond.

Looking at her gray skirt she spreads her hands on either side of where she sits and says, "I think... people in your home might be hurting you."

I had been worried about the questions Jasmine's face would bring, but it never occurred to me anyone would think this.

"Ummm...uhhhh..." I stutter. "You have the wrong idea," I finally manage to get out.

Mrs. Bell looks at me with pity. "Don't worry Rose. I'm calling your parents tonight, and arranging a conference for all of us to attend." As though she's taking pity on me she concludes, "Thank you Rose, you can go."

Slinging my arms through my backpack straps, I leave and make my way to Mr. Gold's rabbits without saying another word. The rabbits come immediately to press their pink noses to the cage wire, sniffing when I enter the room. Adam and Eve are part of a class genetic experiment. Eve is pure white, Adam pure black. The class is trying to hypothesize about the color of their babies. After I feed them, I sit with them in my lap petting them. Although I can't talk to animals here in the City, they still warm to me quickly. Adam's black coat reminds me of Joshua, and days like today, I miss him almost to the point of tears. Eve, lay curled in my lap, pressing her nose to my available hand.

"I haven't forgotten you Eve," I say my fingers softly scratching between her ears.

I think about the City as I pet their soft fur. The City is too complicated. I can't worry about Mrs. Bell's silly accusations. The truth always comes out, but the path to it is exhausting here in the City. The truth took coaxing and unlocking every emotional door, for it to stumble in. In the Forest, it just...is. I don't know why Jasmine likes the intense life in the City. More entertainment for her I suppose.

The bell rings as the class period ends, and my hideout with Adam and Eve is invaded by students for the next class. I try to slip quietly out, unnoticed, but a girl catches sight of me and hurries over.

"Rose! Jasmine's not talking, but someone said she's training for ultimate fighting, and she had her first cage fight last night. Is that true?" the girl asks, her big eyes bigger with wonder.

I chuckle at the thought of Jasmine fighting with the cottage. The girl takes my humor as confirmation, and grabs my arm.

"Oh my God! It's true, isn't it? Did she win?" Her hand tightens on my arm, "I mean her face looks pretty smashed, but maybe the other girl looks worse?" the blush of excitement spreads on her dark cheeks with the thought.

To avoid further discussion, I step away from under her hand, "I have to go. I'll be late," I say smiling kindly at her, and making my way to the door.

"Rose," she calls to me, running to catch up. In a lower voice, her eyes darting from side to side, she says, "why won't Jasmine talk about it? I mean..." and in an even lower voice, "is she like, going pro?" Her nose wrinkles in awestruck disbelief at her own words.

I wasn't sure what to say, "Well..."

"Class, take your seats!" Mr. Gold breezes in the room, cutting me off.

I leave quickly and join the students in the hallway. The day cannot pass quickly enough.
The City: Jasmine

This day could not be better.

Rumors of how I received my broken nose are creating the façade I was hoping. Girls are sympathetic and sweet, observing me as if I was a whole other kind of female species, which I am. Boys are admiring, no doubt impressed with the fearless image that my wounded face helped create.

I strutt, hands in my pocket.

"We need to talk." Rose says, waiting by my locker.

"Before we talk about your boring stuff, can we talk about what an awesome day it is? I try not to look too giddy, because my face is killing me. "Everyone wanted to know how it happened." I can't help but grin. Happiness makes the pain endurable.

"You're turning into a narcissist." Rose says, shaking her head.

"Turning? I've always been one." Opening my locker, I wait for more gossip. She's silent behind me. Finally I turn, exasperated. "Spill it," I prod, "the good stuff, _not_ whatever you're unnecessarily worrying about."

Rose looks down. "Well, you'll be pleased to know that the rumor is you've been training for ultimate fighting, and that last night was your first fight."

Laughter bursts out of me.

Rose looks at me. Shaking her head, she smiles quickly and continues, "You in a fight with the cottage is almost too much. Especially, because if in some insane world it was true..." Rose takes a step back taking me in, "the cottage would have won." A howl bursts out of her.

"Whatever. The cottage's got nothing on me," I protest, pulling on my backpack, sweatshirt dangling.

"The proof is on your face. Look at how bad you look and the cottage didn't even get a scratch," Rose insists, leaning against me as we leave.

My instinct is to push her away.

Last night...I saw her lay in bed, the covers half off. One leg thrown, hanging off her bed. Her shirt twisted so it showed her bare, smooth stomach and the images began. Only this time it was _always_ Rose. Her face was connected to every kiss, every touch.

I'd walked into the bathroom, looked at myself in the mirror, and begun to chop at my hair.

But now, everything seems normal again. I'm waiting for the tingle, but Rose laughing against me feels natural. I link my arm through hers. Testing. Hmmm, nothing.

"Did she think I had lost?" I ask.

"No! That's the amazing thing! Even though you look like this," Rose points at my face, "she thought that you had won. I didn't confirm or deny."

"I wonder if she thought I cut my hair so the other girl wouldn't have anything to hold onto while we fought," I ponder absently as we walk to the doors.

Rose covers her mouth with her hand choking on laughter. Her laughter pulls her down, and she hangs on me. Her touch doesn't bring images of kisses. Good.

"You know, that's a great rumor to spread," I say in serious consideration. "I think I'll spread it tomorrow."

"You have no shame," she croaks, dragging me out of the school.

I nod. It's beginning to drizzle. We stop, still under the cover of the school.

Rose looks at me confused. Standing on her tiptoes, she tries to reach my height.

"When did this happen?" Rose says, falling back onto flat feet.

"You're just noticing? I've been taller than you, for like weeks." I shrug.

"You're growing up and I've grown out," Rose smoothes her sweatshirt against her hips.

They are wider now. Soft, and closer to a woman's hips than a girl's.

I close my eyes to stop seeing her. A feeling begins to stir in me.

"Didn't you have something _serious_ to tell me?" I say, as my feet move away from her down the sidewalk.

Rose catches up, looking sideways at me, wet and earnest, "Mrs. Bell thinks we're being abused by Papa Joe and/or Clara."

That helps. My focus is no longer on Rose.

"What!" I snort. "Based on...?"

"Based on your face I guess, and maybe something else," Rose wraps her arms around her waist, "I don't know. She wouldn't tell me, just asked if everything was okay at home, and," Rose says raising one eyebrow, "offered her services in protecting us."

I snort. Rose pulls up her jacket hood. It's raining harder now. I roll my eyes to the dark clouds and we walk faster.

"She won't do anything," I say. "She can't. She has no proof. She'll never get any. It's all in her head," I'm nonchalant, but I know this is something Rose will worry about until it's resolved.

"We should tell Clara and Papa Joe what to expect, just in case," frets Rose.

"Okay," I agree.

Rain drips from my face. The small length of hair I have left is curled up tight. I feel exposed to the elements. I like it. I feel alive. Just like that, my focus falls back on Rose. I don't fight it this time.

Rose is talking about things I don't want to hear, "Let's go back to the Forest....I miss Joshua... I miss us...the City is changing you," she's grabbed my arm. Walking as close to me as she can get, she makes sure she has my attention, "do you know this is the first time in days where you're acting like you want to be around me? I was beginning to think you didn't care about Joshua and me anymore."

Against my better judgment, I really focus on Rose. Her voice is off. She's staring at the ground, hands clasped in front of her. She looks exhausted. Slamming into the cottage, her tendency to worry, it's all taking its toll. Her usual dark brown skin looks pale again.

"Go to the Forest Rose. I'll be there soon," I say.

_I hope Joshua is awake,_ I think, remembering how deeply asleep he was while I was there.

Rose yawns. "Aren't you coming?"

I step close to her and give her a quick hug, breathing her in quickly.

This is innocent.

Her hood falls back. I see her lump. She's wiped off some of the makeup.

"Rose," I say level-headedly, "we can't _both_ go back now. If we both suddenly disappear,

Mrs. Bell might think they _killed_ us!"

Rose looks more worried than I had intended.

"I'm joking," I throw an arm around her. The best thing for our friendship is some time apart. "Stop worrying." We made it to our building only half drowned, "I'll handle things here for the next few days."

I pull her hood back up. She's soaked. Her hair sticks to her cheek. She bites her lip. I want to bite it too.

I _need_ to stay distant from her.

"Mrs. Bell said she needs to talk to all of us," Rose hesitates, "How will you explain me not being here?"

"Let me worry about it. Come on, Rose, the City is my playground," I spread my arms wide, confident. "There's nothing I can't handle."

• • •

Papa Joe's questions begin as soon as I close the front door. His voice is in the living room. I go to him.

"Your teacher called for a conference. Did something happen with your tests?" He asks looking behind me, "Where's Rose?"

"Rose left for the Forest," Clara says coming from the hallway. "So tell us, what's going on Jasmine?" Clara's excited, sure something amazing has happened.

"The teacher is going to tell you that Rose and I are geniuses," I say while going into the kitchen.

I'm thirsty.

"It was only a matter of time," Clara says seriously.

I laugh. "Not really." Pouring the juice, I look at them. "It's kind of bad, actually."

Clara tilts her head, "What is?"

"What's going on?" Papa Joe reiterates, joining me in the kitchen and grabbing a beer.

There's a puddle of juice around the cup. I'm messy. I grab the dish cloth, wipe it up and say, "Because of my face." I rinse the cloth, orange juice pools in the sink. "A teacher at school thinks that there is abuse going on,"

Papa Joe doesn't comment right away. He drinks his beer. I watch him, slurping my juice. Now I'm hungry. Putting a bagel in the toaster, I sit on the counter. Nothing is said as it toasts.

"This teacher, she thinks that Clara and I caused the damage to your face?" Papa Joe asks as the browned bagel pops up.

"Yeah, it's no big deal," I talk around the bite I've taken. It's slightly sugary from being toasted, almost perfect.

Clara joins us in the kitchen as I put pads of butter on the warm bread. Papa Joe puts an arm around her. They look concerned. I'm excited, not worried. Because of these circumstances I'm alone in the City. No Rose to make me feel unwanted things. No Rose to watch my every move. No Rose to stop me from finding someone else.

"When's the conference?" I ask, and take another bite. Melted butter drips.

"On Wednesday," Papa Joe answers.

That's in two days. I need more time.

"Joe," Clara says and there is panic in her voice and her face is strained, "Joe what if..." she stops, glancing at me, and her face regains its composure. Casually she pulls on Papa Joe's arm saying, "Let's find the documents we'll need."

She's unnecessarily upset. Papa Joe's created all the documentation about our adoption.

There's nothing to worry about. I chew for a moment watching Clara and Papa Joe.

"Rose isn't in any shape right now to meet with Mrs. Bell," I finally say, my tone knowing, "cancel it, and reschedule for next week."

Clara is now focused on me, "Why did Rose go to Forest?"

I shrug, "She's recovering there I guess."

Clara looks down, "structure..." I think she murmurs to herself. Then she looks up, "I'll call tomorrow and reschedule," Clara says to Papa Joe and me.

Another look between them and Papa Joe kisses her cheek.

"You should focus on that project you were working on," Papa Joe says to Clara and she nods. They both leave the kitchen.

I smile around my next bite.

I've given myself a week! A week without Rose! I finish eating and wipe the crumbs off my lips. My smile fades, shame takes over. I chide myself, _stop enjoying being free of Rose..._ my guilt grows. But so does my glee. I hop off the counter still hungry. Grabbing an apple, I walk toward my room.

Joe is back in the living room, on the couch, looking contemplative. "You girls have never been a week without one another," he says.

Irritated he won't leave this alone, I nod and lie, "It was Rose's idea. She _wants_ to stay in the Forest for the week."

"Okay," he concedes standing, "Clara and I'll be in our room,"

Finally he's gone.

Now I just have to convince Rose to stay in the Forest. I doubt I'll need to talk her into it, but part of me wants an excuse to see Rose again.

I call the Forest to me.
The Forest: Rose

I lie curled against Joshua's warm front, half under his neck. His horse head is heavy on my back, so I feel the lack of weight immediately as he lifts it.

_Jasmine_ , he thinks.

I'm too tired to move anything but my eyes, which I open and see her approach.

Her walk is hesitant, and I wonder what happened in the City. She kneels beside me, and Joshua is alert to her movements, as though she's done something to offend him. I'm happy she's here. _Maybe she's past whatever was making her pull away,_ I think...hoping.

"Come on let's go inside the cottage," Jasmine says tossing her head so the only long strip of blondish hair she has, moves aside, exposing both brown eyes.

She holds out her hand to me and I take it, beginning to rise, but Joshua lays his head on me again pushing me back down.

"Joshua," Jasmine says, "come on...let her up." Annoyance is in her voice.

Her words go immediately through my thoughts to Joshua, but Joshua doesn't move.

_Tell Jasmine she can go. Everything you need I can get for you,_ Joshua responds.

_Thank you Joshua,_ _but I'm ready to go inside.,_ I think trying to pacify him. Out loud I say, "Joshua is concerned."

Moving out from under Joshua, I drop Jasmine's hand, and breathe strength into my voice as I stand, "I'm ready to go back to the City, and get the mess at school straightened out."

Jasmine takes a breath like she's going to argue, but then says, "Well I'm hungry. Let's see what the kitchen will make." Walking toward the cottage she calls over her shoulder, "I was also thinking we should stay the night. I miss the cottage's breakfast."

I almost trip over myself following her, hurrying, beyond any questioning thoughts her sweet words bring. I want to catch up and capture this old Jasmine, the one who I had grown up with, who would never turn her back on the Forest...or me. I throw my arms around her, expecting her to pull back, but she doesn't. She lets me hang on her, squeezing her as she walks slower now. When my arms finally drop swinging to my sides, she grabs my hand. Just like when we kids! I smile at her, but then Joshua breaks our grasp, coming between us.

_Joshua_ , I begin to think, but then realize that I'm being selfish. Joshua has been deprived of the old Jasmine too. _Don't you feel it?_ I think to him, _we feel like a family again!_

Joshua doesn't answer, just swishes his tail between us. I'm sure he's as happy as me. I run my hand over the top of his smooth dark coat, and Jasmine's hand meets mine.

• • •

Jasmine keeps looking at me through our meal. I reassure her that I am fine.

"I know," she says still staring.

Joshua black eyes swing from Jasmine to me, his head hanging through the kitchen window, talking to me about things that won't interest Jasmine so I don't share them. I try to keep up the conversation with Joshua, but notice my thoughts to him aren't making sense. I must look tired because Jasmine comes from around the table, puts my plate in the sink for the kitchen to clean, and leads me upstairs. I barely say goodnight to Joshua.

Upstairs, I get halfway ready for bed, my bare knee on the cool cotton sheet when Jasmine touches my back.

"Arms up lazy."

I obey, raising my arms and she pulls off my dirty shirt, slipping on a clean one. But she only pushes it over my fingers, letting it hang on my head covering my face

"Does my breath stink?" I say shoving my head back through the opening and turning to her. I breathe out into Jasmine's face, tugging the shirt and it gets stuck, rolled on my upper back.

"What," she says but it's not a question. She's annoyed at me.

"I just meant because I haven't brushed my teeth," embarrassed now I speak to the ground.

"They're going to fall out. Then you'll be toothless," Jasmine says staring at me hard, and pulling my shirt down.

Her fleeting sweetness is all sucked up and I can't help feeling I did something wrong.

"Jas..." I begin to ask, but she's gone, ignoring me wandering to the window.

Not tired anymore, I head to the bathroom, and grab my toothbrush. Looking at my reflection in the bathroom as I brush, I wonder what's happened to us. My black hair is tangled, falling well past my shoulders and the makeup covering my bruise has long since worn off. The blue of the t-shirt I wear is many shades lighter than the dark purplish lump on my head. I know I'm losing Jasmine. I can tell she doesn't like something about me anymore.

I need a new kind of relationship to help with my loneliness in the City. At least until Jasmine wants to be _us_ again. _Maybe a boyfriend_ , I think and am filled with fear. I don't know how to be someone's girlfriend. Anyway, does anyone in the City even consider me pretty? _Maybe I'll just stay in the Forest,_ I try to calm myself, but then I'll miss Jasmine too much.

I finish brushing fiercely, tossing the toothbrush into the cup on the sink.

"What are you doing?" Jasmine asks standing in the doorway, leaning against it.

"Nothing," I say.

"You're acting really weird. Come on," Jasmine smiles at me, "get in bed and let your brain repair itself. Maybe the hit you took short circuited something."

Her comment is said with a caring tone, and I easily follow her back to the bed.

As we pull the covers around us, she says, "Papa Joe and Clara think it's best if you stay here for the week. They're having the conference with Mrs. Bell next Monday. You rest here, then we'll all go to see Mrs. Bell."

I turn on my side, she faces me. I'm tired now, too tired to question. Her eyes are watchful as mine close, and my last thought is grateful that Jasmine's eyes are rimmed with delight, not judgment.
The City: Jasmine

The next day at school, alone, I begin my search.

I left Rose sleeping in the Forest. We slept like children. Well, Rose did. I was awake trying to remember how we used to share a bed effortlessly, our arms and legs invading each other's space.

Quickly, I remind myself that I only have a week with Rose gone. A boy might be able to provide the feeling that Rose gives me. Maybe I just like Rose, not girls. With such little time, I've decided not to rule out any gender.

I speak throughout the morning with a few of my guy friends, who I think I might want to date. Testing. Our conversations always begin and end with a feeling of friendship mixed with an assertion of power. I guess guys are out.

I need a girl.

At lunch I yawn my way through the meal. Mrs. Bell is monitoring the room, or more precisely...me. So, I monitor her back. Friends sit chatting beside me. She's pretty, I realize while staring at her, a young teacher. I entertain the thought of pursuing her. The idea of being able to get her is alluring. Standing I approach her slowly trying to catch her eye. She is thrown off by my blatant advance, and tries to hold eye contact. Blinking rapidly, she drops her gaze.

Only for a moment.

"Hi Jasmine, I notice Rose is gone. Is everything okay?" Mrs. Bell's question is probing.

"Well," I say playing with her, "Rose has something to take care of elsewhere." Her chin lifts. "And yes, everything is wonderful." She trusts my words. "I just wanted to thank you for caring...caring about Rose and me."

"Umm, yes, well your parents have already called and the conference is next week,

It will all be figured out then..." her voice trails, she's leaving an opening.

"If something was wrong, I would tell you Mrs. Bell," I say, and smile at her.

She hears the sincerity in my voice, relaxing. Tensing again, she says, "I would help, Jasmine. I would keep you and Rose safe."

Now I understand.

It was how she worded that last sentence and the tone that she said it in. I feel immensely sorry for her. She wants to save us like she wishes someone had saved her.

Immediately any thoughts of pursuit drop from me.

"Thanks Mrs. Bell. Trust me, we're safe. You'll enjoy meeting our parents, they're fun," I laugh lightly. "Then you can safely remove us from your worry."

"Jasmine." a voice says behind me.

I turn. It's Ruby, deep dark skin, darker eyes, with a tight cap of curls. I wonder if her curls are soft or wiry.

I take a step toward Ruby.

"Later." I say to Mrs. Bell.

"Hey Ruby," I say hands in my pockets.

Her smile stretches her small but plump lips. "Your face doesn't look so bad," she giggles, "you wouldn't believe what people were saying!"

I shrug.

Coming closer, I toss my bag on the table beside us. She watches me, her lips happy but no longer smiling. I sit beside my bag. Ruby stands in front of me, and I'm close enough to smell her. Wafting from her flesh is a soft and tropical smell, like vanilla and oranges.

"I was looking for you," I continue.

Ruby looks at the floor.

"You were? When?" she asks, quietly, her cheeks are reddening.

Ruby isn't really in my group of friends. We're acquaintances.

I ignore her questions. Gesturing to the plastic trays around us, I say, "This food is crap."

"Yeah," she says glancing at me, and pulls something out of her bag, "that's why I bring lunch from home."

She is so cute biting her lip. Her eyes never stay on mine for long.

"Nah," I say pushing it aside and hopping down from the table, "let me get you something else." I grab her hand, and move toward the exit.

As we cross the parking lot, I consider where to go. I want to be with her alone.

It's cold out, and I'm hungry. Maybe we should eat first.

Quickly I spot a restaurant across the street and point, saying, "Let's go there."

• • •

Sitting in the booth, Ruby beside me, she glances at me. "This is nice. Like, are we friends now or something?"

Our image is reflected in the windows of the pizza place.

"Something, kinda exactly, like a date," I clarify.

Ruby is happy, pleased. "Well aren't you going to hold my hand then?"

That surprises me. Bold, hmmm I didn't see that coming. I grab her hand. Pulling her hand to me, the rest of her follows.

I could kiss her now, but I don't.

"Let's eat." I say, giving her a quick squeeze and then gently pushing her away, as they set the warm pizza down.

I gobble the cheesy slices. The excitement of being with Ruby is creating a hunger.

"You don't want any?" I ask, eyeing her almost untouched slice.

"Not really," she says sliding me her plate.

Quickly she follows, closing the gap I had created. She takes my hand.

Swallowing I let go of her hand and stand. Ruby looks up at me like she's being rejected. Grabbing both our plates, I toss them into the trash, pull her up from the table and kiss her on the mouth. She tastes like dough, or maybe that's my breath.

"Come on," I say.

• • •

I know that Clara is at home, so we end up at the art museum. I think she suggests it. In front of the painting _The Meeting on the Turret Stairs_ , we kiss once more. Our lips linger, but not as long as I would like because security is lurking around.

I discover simple intimacy.

Holding hands, palm against palm, and leaning into one another we walk past the blue sky of one painting and the sunset of another. I rub the back of her hand lightly with my thumb and she leans her head on my shoulder in front of _The Flesh Eater_. Her head is under my nose. Oils make her hair soft and smell of oranges.

Her hand is sweaty.

The second time around the museum, her phone begins to buzz. She answers with her free hand.

"Hello," her voice is a daze, and then changes suddenly, "What? Yes mom...... I will......I _am_ .....No....please..... _just_ .... _no_ ....I _am_ ....Okay."

I steer us out of the museum and onto the sidewalk while she finishes the conversation. Hanging up, she pushes the phone into her back pocket and faces me.

"I'll walk you home," I offer.

"No," she's holding both my hands now and looking off toward the school. "I'm not going home. My mom's waiting for me at the school."

"Come on then. I'll walk you there," I say. Ruby looks worried. "Almost there." I revise quickly, "Your mom won't even see me."

"It's just that..." Ruby begins.

"You skipped school to be with me? Your mom won't approve?" I say. I laugh.

She begins to speak, but stops. For a moment I feel I might have taken it too far, but I shake the worry off. She likes me and I like her. Simple.

I bring her right hand up to my mouth, press my lips to the inside of her wrist. This is the source of the vanilla smell. My tongue pushes against her pulse.

"I...I...think I love you," she breathes out.

I took it too far.
The Forest: Rose

I wake alone in the Forest, reaching for something.

With my eyes closed I pretend that my fingertips brush Jasmine's flesh and shake her awake so we can plan our day, like before. Before she stopped wanting to be best friends. My eyes open, though I don't want them to, and confirm that I'm here all alone. I stare at the ceiling I try and remember a time that I woke up alone in the Forest. Never.

My head pounds and I hold my hand up to it as the pressure increases with the thought that... I need. I need something to hold on to.

I leave the cottage, the soft pads of my feet push away at the ground as I run, and a million sharp things poke into my skin. My feet used to be hard, calloused, and I could wander barefoot anywhere. They have been changed by the City, like so much else.

Joshua is up ahead, standing, staring as though he is waiting for me. I throw my arms around his neck and hang on him. He only moves to let his chin rest on my shoulder, edging me closer.

_She's leaving us, and I don't want her to go,_ I think to him.

_She has to be the first to leave,_ Joshua thinks in a logical way, and I see he's right.

If we were going to leave the Forest in exchange for the City, Jasmine would have to be the first to leave, to convince me to give up the Forest.

But... _I don't want to leave. I won't leave, I'll always come back!_

_Then we better find a way to make her come back,_ Joshua reasons.

I look at him, my hands on either side of his large, silky, ebony jaw, lowering it so that I can see into his eyes, while tears gather in mine.

_There is nothing here that she wants Joshua_. _Not even me,_ I think, fingers reaching up, seeking his mane.

_Then we have to find a way to make you happy without her,_ again I see he's right.

I'm riding on Joshua's broad back minutes later, my legs clenched on either side of him.

I'm happy. I think, _Join us_ , to other animals.

I want to share my joy, and can hear their excited, content, unfiltered thoughts as they run beside us... _I'll just hop here...berries...hungry...run fast...faster...Wake Up... the pond...hot...stay with the herd...do you see I'm here...want..._ Wake up _...need...the trees hold shade...sky is better...fly with us...find it..._ wake UP _...Forest is safe...belong...keep...keep me...we are one...we are one...the same..._ WAKE UP ROSE.

Joshua stops quickly and I slide off him.

All the animals have gone. They were running with us and now they're gone.

_Come back!_ I call into the quiet, but nothing responds. Then everything is normal. The animals are back again.

I turn to Joshua. _Joshua, you saw the animals disappear and heard that thought...but it wasn't a thought. It was a voice saying wake up, right?_

He looks at me, his eyes shiny and dead. Artificial like a stuffed animal. This isn't right. It's making my head ache.

He comes back alive suddenly, trotting close, nose touching my shoulder.

_A Voice? I guess I was thinking too loud._ There is laughter in his thoughts.

_What is going on?_ I feel crazy

Joshua presses into my arm thinking, C _ome on Rose. I have somewhere to show you, something in the Forest that you have never seen. It'll make you happy._

The other animals are animated now, and I look at them jumping around my bare feet.

_There is nothing in the Forest that I haven't seen,_ I think to myself.

_You haven't seen this,_ Joshua insists, _climb back up._

I'm tired, so tired now, and lazily get onto his back.
The City: Jasmine

Ruby is waiting for me in front of the school.

"Jasmine!" she grabs my arm, walking beside me. "I had to make up the biggest lie yesterday. My mom believed it, and it was totally worth it!"

"I had a great time too, Ruby." I say already uncomfortable.

I stop walking. Pull Ruby to a halt. Turn her toward me. My arm resting on her shoulder, my hand curves along her neck. Her half smile is infectious.

I do like her.

I smile back. Ruby reaches up to touch my still swollen nose as the smile stretches my skin.

"Does it hurt still?" Ruby is concerned and pulls me close, "I forget you're still healing," she says, quiet, "I just see how hot you are," her fingers intertwine mine.

I'm still thinking of Rose. Ruby is not enough. I remove myself from her, pull my hand away, and head to class without another word.

Ruby stares after me.

• • •

It is not long before stories of Ruby and I have surfaced along the gossip circuit. Classmates ask me questions, trying to confirm the rumors, which I treat like I do my broken nose. I smile and shrug.

Walking alone down the hall, I see Grace.

Grace was my science partner in biology last year. I smile at her. Slightly startled she smiles back.

"Hi Jasmine," she says, books held to her chest.

"Grace, are you headed to class?" I stop beside her.

"No. It's my free period."

"Do you have time to help me with a project?"

"Um, yeah, what project?"

I shrug my shoulders. "I can show you. Let's go to the library."

The school library is quite large, and I have no trouble finding a corner that is protected from view.

"So what is the project?"

"It's about kissing."

Grace lets out a nervous giggle, "I may not be the best person to ask about that."

"Why? Have you not been kissed?" Grace's eyes are growing big and I quickly say, "it's okay if you haven't. I'm just gathering information." I swing my backpack on the floor. "The project is really in the beginning stages."

Grace's thin brows arch towards each other as she says, "Well, if you don't use my name or anything, I guess it's okay.. What's your hypothesis?"

I chuckle. "It's not a scientific kind of project. It's a human project. Psychological. On kissing," I explain, quickly coming up with the details.

Grace nods, twisting her light brown hair around her index finger. "Actually, this could be a really interesting project. What do you want to know?"

• • •

It's been an hour. I've learned a lot about Roman, Grace's boyfriend. I almost terminated the "project" after learning about him. I'm glad I didn't. Grace's insight is proving extremely useful.

"I was dating Roman and another boy, Joe for a few months, but it was my first kiss with Roman that made me realize I wanted him."

"The kiss? Really, Roman wasn't your first pick all along?" I ask.

"No, not at all. In fact," Grace leans in closer and lowers her voice, "I thought I wanted Joe. I mean Joe was so cute! Roman was just a buffer so that I didn't get too wrapped up in Joe."

"And?"

"And, the kiss with Roman was better than when I kissed Joe."

"So Roman is a better kisser?"

"No, I felt...I don't know. More connected to Roman. Like he was all I wanted," Grace says as her face gets dreamy.

"So how do you know that a kiss with someone else won't be better?"

"The kiss with Joe wasn't," Grace reminds me.

"Right, but you've only kissed them," I persist. "You should try someone else, just to make sure."

"If I kiss someone else I'll be cheating," Grace says.

She's loyal, I'll give her that.

"Not necessarily," I respond, playing devil's advocate.

Running a hand through her hair, she stands and walks over to the bookshelf nearest us.

"What if there _is_ someone else?" Grace says wonderingly. "No, no I'm sure I'll love him forever." She's looking at me as she says, "But if that's true, then why am I questioning it?"

"Grace," I say, "trust yourself."

Walking over next to her, I place my hand on her green t-shirt and squeeze her shoulder. Close enough to see the golden flecks in her eyes, I smile reassuringly.

She looks at me, "Jasmine can I ask you something?"

I nod. She's really pretty.

"I heard about you and Ruby and I don't want to get in the way of that, but maybe you could help me make sure Roman is the one?" She moves a bit closer, "I mean you're a girl, and I'm not a lesbian so if we kiss it's not like cheating," she says answering her own question.

"Exactly," I agree.

_Don't worry Grace,_ I think putting my hand gently on the back of her head as I lean in, _I'll take it from here_.

• • •

Her lips are dry, when mine meet them. My hands move to her back as we take a breath, before the next union of our lips. I feel a yearning for Grace.

Maybe now, the need for Rose will be terminated.

We go back to kissing, but the brief thought of Rose ruins it. I still kiss Grace, but I'm imagining that she is Rose. I pull back and step away.

"I'm sorry," Grace says, looking away.

"So Grace," I say lightly, "how did we do? Is Roman still 'the one'?"

Grace tosses her hair back from her cheeks and says, "You are a damn good kisser, but Roman has my heart," her voice is almost apologetic.

I nod knowingly and shrug, "Let me know if you need any more clarification."

Grace laughs, picking up her backpack. I watch her leave.

• • •

Ruby is waiting by my locker. I should've known this wasn't done.

"I thought we were together Jasmine?" Her cap of curls is pulled back by a deep red cloth.

"Ruby, we went on a date,"

"But I thought...I mean what was yesterday about?" Confusion clouds her eyes, "I know about the library."

Jesus! How fast does gossip travel? Grace and I just parted.

I take Ruby's hand and, though she's trying to stay mad, she doesn't pull away. She's hoping I can fix her pain.

"Yesterday was _us_ going on a date. I had a great time. And today is _me_ exploring possibilities..." She tries to talk, but I cut her off, "You're a _gorgeous_ girl Ruby. _Any_ girl or boy would be lucky to have you. I still want you. But aren't you a little _curious_ to explore? We are _only_ in high school."

Emphasizing certain words, I exploit them. She squeezes my hand.

"So are we going on more dates?"

I give her a look, a smile, a shrug.
The Forest: Rose

I wake to the ache of my legs, which have been spread across Joshua's back the whole time I've been asleep. How long have I been asleep?

My eyes begin to open and Joshua shifts under me, _No, keep them closed,_ he insists.

_But I want to see where we are,_ I respond, but obediently my lashes remeet, putting me back in darkness.

You will, I promise. Just climb down and let me lead you.

_Okay,_ I think, climbing down with my eyes closed.

We must be somewhere new because the ground is different under my feet. I stretch out my toes, feeling, but before I can define it, Joshua takes my shirt gently in his mouth and begins to tug.

Come Rose, this way.

We are not walking for long before the air begins to carry a strong, sweet and musky smell. I begin to breathe more deeply to get as much of it as I can.

Joshua, what is that beautiful smell? How did you find this place? What is this place?

_Here, lay down here,_ Joshua stops.

Automatically I begin to open my eyes to lie down, but I am stopped.

_No, keep your eyes closed,_ Joshua thinks.

Descending to the grass slowly, I let my hands touch first, before lowering the rest of my body and stretching my back. Flush with the ground now, I lie upon what feels like soft dirt...so soft it feels like ground up petals.

_Rose, what do you know of love?_ Joshua thinks.

Joshua, that's a silly question, you know I don't know anything.

_Neither do I,_ I hear him settle beside me, or maybe I feel the warmth of his body, _so let's find out,_ he says as I touch his fur.

I laugh, and my ribs stretch as I raise my arms over my head and think, _how do we do that?_
The City: Jasmine

I learn a lot in school.

After the library, I poured all my attention on a small doll of a girl appropriately named Minnie. She is sweet, with brown eyes and long brown hair; bland, but curious. She moves to be closer to me as we talk. I feel her interest, but move around her. A small wave goodbye as the class rushes, with me in the mix, for the door as the bell rings.

Next Kaylee, an exchange student from France. Maybe they do it differently there? After a few texts between us, we get excused to work on a project. She wants to do more than I care to, so I excuse myself.

Flirting, kisses, and holding hands is enough. I know what I want.
The Forest: Rose

_Tell me about the City Rose, let's start there_ , Joshua thinks.

_What do you mean, and where are we?_ I rub my eyes.

Like I told you before, this is a place in the Forest you haven't been to before.

_I want to see,_ I think.

Don't open your eyes. It's not the location in the Forest that I want you to see.

_It's a location in your thoughts,_ Joshua responds in a soothing way.

" _Huh?"_ Now I'm more confused.

Trust me Rose."

_Okay,_ my lashes soft together, _what now?_

_Explain,_ Joshua thinks.

Explain what?

_Love, explain love in the City,_ Joshua requests.

Sun is warm on my skin as I think about love. _It's a feeling...I don't know, people talk about it like it's something rarely found._

_So let's pretend that we're one of the lucky ones,_ Joshua thinks to me, _pretend I'm a boy in the City. Pretend you're in love with me._

I try and imagine myself in love. _I can't Joshua. I need more. What kind of boy are you?_

His thoughts are silent for long time. _Joshua_? I think.

_I'm thinking,_ he finally responds, _I'm a boy who is tall for my age. I have warm, large, and brown ...just as they are now. With them, I would first notice how you move when you talk._ Joshua's words form pictures in my head. W _hile you speak your hands move, not always in expression with what you're saying. It's more like they are guided by what you are feeling while you're speaking._

I giggle. _That just makes me sound crazy,_ but it's working...I can picture him observing me.

_No, not crazy. It's very cute._ His horse body is closer to me now, warm. _I want you to know how I see you. Now you can tell me how you would see me, as a human._

Okay. If you were a boy in the City, I would first notice the feeling I get when I'm around you.

My thoughts turn into pictures, and the pictures begin moving. Joshua adds his thoughts to mine. Joined they make a movie in our heads.

• • •

Joshua is a new student and enters the room not looking at anything. He's wearing a sweatshirt and jeans and the hood of his sweatshirt is up, covering his dark hair.

He looks at me, and instead of the hood hiding his eyes, it emphasizes the depth in them. He stares while he stands, when he sits, and throughout class.

"I'm Joshua," he says at the end of class, coming over. Joshua holds out his hand, and I take it. He gently squeezes my hand.

"I'm Rose," I answer shyly, and we walk to the hall together.

Our hands are still joined, I know he's the one.

• • •

Our thoughts separate as I think, _Joshua_ , _that's like some plot from a romantic comedy. It's not believable. That's not how it would go in real life._

_Does it matter?_ Joshua thinks. _We're pretending. It's not real._

That's the problem. It needs to be real, Joshua.

I open my eyes.
The City: Jasmine

_Rose is coming back tomorrow_.

I wake with that thought, and wait. In a week, I got over Rose.

There was really nothing to get over. Climbing out of bed, I look into the mirror across the room. My hair is tightly curled on my head, except the long part that is a frizzy over my eye.

My body is long, boyish. My face is taken up mostly by my nose. It's still swollen. Even with my big nose, I know why the girls at school like me. My eyes hold something, beyond looks. I'm just not offering it to them. I wonder who I'll like next. Really be into, like how I felt about Rose

Finally, Rose and I can be back to being friends...best friends.

The thought carries me to the bathroom.

Stepping out of the shower, I realize I miss her. I miss the feeling she used to bring, that tingle. Feeling it gave an extra clarity to the world. I didn't realize that when I got over it, I would want it back.

I press my fingers into my eyes. _Don't even think about it_.

Clean and dressed, I head to the kitchen looking for Papa Joe and Clara. I need to restock my cash. Dating can get spendy. It's early, and I know they haven't left yet, but I don't hear them anywhere. Grabbing some juice from the fridge, I peek in their bedroom. They're not there. Gulping orange juice from the carton, I hear someone in the studio. Probably Clara.

Wiping my mouth, I call out, "Hey Clara." Clara hates me drinking out of the carton.

No sounds of movement. It's quiet now.

"Clara?"

I try the door. It's locked. I knock impatiently. Clara quickly slips out.

"Can I have twenty dollars?" I ask, the juice carton dangling at my side. No response.

"Okay, fifteen."

Clara moves toward the kitchen, "Let me get some cash."

"Okay," I say taking another drink from the carton.

"Jasmine," Clara says, turning and catching me.

I guiltily drop the carton back to my side, "I was just going to get a cup."

"Jasmine," Clara says halfway to her purse, "I need you to get Rose from the Forest."

"Why, she's coming back tomorrow."

"She needs to come back now," Clara's says, "I'm worried about her, and you.

"Why? What's to worry about?" They're always worried, especially Clara.

"Now," Clara insists, "go to the Forest and get her."

"I have to go to school." I sigh. W _hy won't they leave me alone?_

"Now would best," Clara says again more softly, urgency in her voice.

I call the Forest to me begrudgingly. Nothing happens. The City doesn't fall away. I call again. Nothing happens. Again I call. Nothing.

Clara is watching me, her hands pressed palms together. "Jasmine, why aren't you going?

I shrug. This has never happened.

"Maybe the Forest knows I don't want it," I say, moving to go.

"Clara," Papa Joe calls from the art studio."

I turn toward his voice. "Papa Joe, I need twenty dollars."

_I'll try my luck with him, I think,_ walking toward the studio.

Clara grabs my arm, as I reach out and open the door. Rose is lying on the floor and Papa Joe is standing above her.

• • •

"Rose is here?" I ask, looking at them both.

"Yes." Papa Joe pauses, holding his hand out to us, beckoning, "both of you come and help me with her."

Clara and I move to Rose. Clara kneels by Rose and says, "Jasmine, this is probably why you couldn't go to the Forest." She looks at Papa Joe. "Rose was on her way here, another Forest rule we've discovered."

My heart pounds. Rose looks like a statue, unresponsive.

"What is wrong with her? Is it her head?" I want to help, but don't know how.

Papa Joe kneels by Rose. "She just appeared and collapsed."

Putting one arm under her legs and the other under her back, Papa Joe lifts Rose and sets her on the couch in the studio. Laying her on the sheet that's covering the cushions, he pulls a warm, fuzzy blanket over her.

"Did you just make up the couch like a bed?" I ask walking to Rose.

Papa Joe turns to me and he and Clara exchange a look.

"Rose," I say shaking her shoulder, "come on, wake up."

Rose's breath is deep and metered. I shake her again a little harder.

"Jasmine, she's tired," Papa Joe says putting an arm around me. "Probably still recovering from hitting her head. You better be getting to school."

I look at Rose. She's lying there so still. Suddenly I want to press my lips to hers and awaken her like they do in the fairytales. But I can't. I can't reveal the way I feel...I sigh, I don't even know how I feel. What does this feeling even mean? I've always loved Rose. She's my best friend.

I'm not _in_ love with her...am I?

If Rose knew I was thinking this way, she would try to find a way to feel the same about me. I know she only thinks of me as her best friend. If there were more, I would know about it. She can't hide anything from me.

"Jasmine, go wait in the living room if you're just going to stand there," Clara says motioning me away.

_You woke this morning over her. You are over Rose,_ I tell myself walking to the living room and not looking back.
The City: Rose

I'm in Clara's studio, covered by a blanket, but I never called the City to me.

Clara and Joe are staring me.

"How did I get here from the Forest?" I ask.
The City: Jasmine

As soon as I heard her voice, I come towards it.

Happy she's awake, standing, I hug her. She's limp as I let go, falling back on the couch. not focusing on me.

Thinking she's mad I say, "Rose, I've been acting like a real bitch. Forgive me?"

No response.

"I heard her voice." My confusion is wrapped around my words, "Why is she acting like this?"

Clara comes between us, "Nothing is wrong. I think leaving the Forest was difficult this time." She looks sympathetically at Rose.

Rose stands again.

"Rose," I call.

She stops, looks at me.

"Talk!" I shout, frustrated. She's not mute.

Forget this. I just want to head to school.

Glancing at my watch I grab my jacket and pull it on.

Clara calls out, "Jasmine."

"What?" I say moving toward the door.

Clara looked at me like I should know. "Rose needs you, look at her." Clara tries to touch Rose, but Rose shrinks away.

I can't deal with this.

Leaving, I barely get a block away before I start to feel guilty. Leaning against the outside of our apartment building, I look up at the sky. There's a dim sun visible in between the buildings. Not strong enough to give any real warmth. I'll be late to class if I don't hurry, but I can't leave Rose like this.

• • •

Yesterday was awful.

Rose wandered around like a zombie for most of the morning. She refused to talk with Clara, Papa Joe, or me until I brought up Joshua.

"How is Joshua?" I finally asked beside her on the couch. I didn't expect her to answer me.

"He makes me happy," she said startling me.

Her voice sounded almost normal.

"So what did you guys do in the Forest?" I asked, "I mean besides miss me," I said trying to be typical.

Rose didn't even smile at my self-adoration.

"I'm discovering love with Joshua," she'd said staring beyond me.

_Ridiculous_.

"I need to be with Joshua. I want him here in the City as a human," she ranted.

Joshua is a horse, not a human. She can't have an equal exchange of feelings with him. Rose isn't making sense. She keeps talking about a plan to turn him human.

"There's something wrong though, Jasmine. I can't get back to the Forest, back to him." Her voice began to tremble, "Can you?"

I shook my head no, and watched her fall apart.

Finally, I had to leave, to stay the night with a friend, a platonic friend.

• • •

Now I'm back to get Rose for school. I didn't want to, but Clara said she wouldn't make it otherwise. It wouldn't look good for her to miss today. This is the day we all have the meeting with Mrs. Bell.

She's been silent since we left the apartment.

The idea that Rose was discovering love with a horse wouldn't leave my mind.

"What," I finally say to her. It's not really a question. _Talk_ , I want to scream in annoyance.

Rose looks up, not making eye contact. I hate that she won't speak. I know what's wrong. I just want her to say something.

"I can't get to the Forest." She looks at me, finally speaking. "Can you?"

I stop walking. She knows I can't. I don't say anything.

"I can't go," Rose says like a broken record, her voice toneless.

She looks at me.

"You can't either. We can't go back home," she says, "home" coming out like a moan and asks, "What will we do?"

"It looks like the City is our home," I say jokingly, and almost smile. I don't, instead I put my hands in my pockets.

Rose bursts into tears.

_Don't feel anything_ , I tell myself and say, "I don't think we can _do_ anything." I don't show her it hurts me to see her in so much pain. I don't even touch her. It's for the best.

Rose wipes at her nose and says, "Don't you even care?"

_Yes, I do care,_ I think. I need the Forest too. Without the Forest, I'll have to create my own distance from Rose, here in the City.

"Rose," I stand in front of her, "you need to pull it together. Today we're meeting with Mrs. Bell."

"I know," Rose twists away from me, "you don't care Jasmine, not like I do."

My eyes dart to the corner and back, "You're right," I say, being honest.

Rose looks at me like she can't believe what's she's heard, "You don't care?"

_Oh god,_ I think. "Rose, you just said that. I'm agreeing, okay?" I can't take her vacillating emotions. "Listen," I throw an arm around her, "let's get to school. We'll figure it out, promise." I squeeze her shoulder, "Come on Rose."

She lets me lead her, the few blocks left to school and, almost to the entrance. Kids are rushing up the steps around us.

"Hey Jasmine!" someone calls.

I nod in the direction of the voice. Nudging Rose on the shoulder I say, "So, are we good?" She doesn't answer, "Rose? Hey, are you gonna be able to make it through the day?" She is looking kinda sick, hunched over.

"Hi Jasmine...Rose, what's wrong with you?" The "someone" was the French girl, Kaylee.

"Nothing," Rose straightens, "I better go inside. Bye."

And just like that she's gone, disappearing in the wave of kids. I wanna ditch Kaylee, and follow her, but I don't. I know I'm not being a good friend. I don't know if I want to be a good friend. Kaylee grabs my arm, leading me around the side of the building.

"Come on." Kaylee has her arm linked through mine. "It is good you wait for love. That is what you're waiting for, to be...intimate, yes?" She looks at me. "Stop," she giggles, "such serious eyes. You will like these clips my friends send from France. They're funny, no more serious! Then, when your stomach hurts from laughing, we find you love. Okay!" She nods in confirmation. "Okay then, yes! That's what we do."

I look where Rose disappeared.
The City: Rose

Walking into the school, I can't think straight.

I only want to get back to Joshua, but the Forest is gone. Everything I need and want is gone, except Jasmine and she doesn't want to be friends with me anymore. One class leads to the next, and I follow the routine without thinking. It amazes me how no one can tell I'm ready to cry or scream.

Maybe I'm truly crazy, but as long as I have this fake smile on my face, it's all anyone sees. Even Jasmine, all day at school she smiles back and only speaks to me when she has to. Her friends, sensing her indifference to me, don't even try to include me anymore.

School is over...finally, but I still can't leave, not that I have anywhere to go. Jasmine and I sit silently in front of the school waiting for Clara and Papa Joe.

Jasmine pulls at my arm. "Hey, they're here."

I stand on the steps, waiting for them, and we all walk into the school. Filing into Mrs. Bell's classroom, introductions are made and we sit at the table at the back of the room.

"Mrs. Meri, I wanted to meet with you to discuss Rose and Jasmine's safety. The school administration approved this conference," Mrs. Bell says as she opens a folder on the table. "I've noticed that the girls have been absent from school well over half the year, both this year and last...actually all of their school attendance from elementary school to now reflect this," her voice is soft and respectful.

Clara answers, "The girls are being educated overseas as well as the U.S. They're studying in Spain when they are not in school here.

Nodding Mrs. Bell says, "I did see that in the girl's files. Do you feel that's best for them?" Mrs. Bell pauses and looks at Papa Joe and Clara. "I've noticed that when they come back from wherever they are visiting, they often have bruises. Do you know how they get these bruises?" Mrs. Bell asks in a harsher voice.

Papa nods and answers, "Yes, they play sports overseas, and sometimes practice here to keep up their skill. As you have seen, a broken nose is Jasmine's latest injury. Thank you for your concern, but injuries do happen in sports." Papa Joe's voice was a melodic baritone as he reasons with Mrs. Bell.

Mrs. Bell changes the subject, "they are adopted, correct? You adopted them when they were..." she shuffles through the file again, "...six, right? From their school file it appears that you began shipping them off to these other schools not long after the adoption was final."

Her words are not exactly accusatory, but definitely insinuating blame for something. I notice and maybe I should care more than I do, but all I can think about is how to get back to the Forest.

"Mrs. Bell," Papa Joe explains, "the girls play hard overseas, they try to rest their bodies when they get back home." He shifts in the too small seat, "It's clear you're implying something. Please just say it," his voice shows emotion, he's insulted.

"I'm asking questions. What do you think I'm implying?" Mrs. Bell let the question linger. Finally she turns her attention back on Jasmine and me. "What kind of sports do you girls play at your other schools?"

I look at her blankly and Jasmine stretches from her place across from me, and speaks in Spanish, as if to prove we go to Spain, "Me gustan todos los deportes. Juego principalmente el uno a uno. Rose hace cabalgatas. Sólo en el extranjero. No tenemos tiempo para jugar."

"Oh," Mrs. Bell tilts her head, clearly not knowing what was said, "and what one on one sports do you play?"

"MMA," Jasmine switches to English and leans back in her chair, "I'm thinking about taking the sport to the next level. Please don't discuss it with other students," she says casually.

I stare at Jasmine. She's trying to turn this into something to help with her image.

"That sounds great Jasmine," Mrs. Bell's voice sounds slightly doubtful, but Jasmine hasn't even noticed. "I guess that leads me to the next topic. Mr. and Mrs. Meri," Mrs. Bell turns to them. "I also have documents that speak of a medical hist..."

Papa Joe interrupts, "Mrs. Bell, let's talk in private about this. It's late, the girls must be tired." looking to Clara he says, "Clara please take the girls home. I'll stay and answer all Mrs. Bell's questions."

Mrs. Bell speaks quickly. "Do the girls not know about their time under psych evaluation? The records, your records Mr. Meri, say..."

"Clara, take the girls." Papa Joe's statement is clipped as he cuts Mrs. Bell off again.

Jasmine looks surprised and I'm sure I look like I don't care....I don't. Not now, everything is less important than finding my way back to the Forest and being with Joshua.

"Jasmine, Rose, let's go girls," Clara stands.

My head hurts as I stand, and follow Clara. She pushes Jasmine in front of us out to the empty hallway.

Jasmine speaks before Clara has shut the door fully, "what the hell was that?"

"Girls, let's get ice cream before we head home," Clara says twisting her fingers, looking at them, blocking the classroom door.

"Ice cream? Are we five?" Jasmine says loudly, "what can't we hear?"

Clara's face is smooth, but it's a forced calm.

"So you're saying you don't want ice cream?" Clara's tone is joking, but wavers.

She's afraid...of what Papa Joe is saying? I feel dizzy.

"Jasmine, Clara," I say almost inaudibly, "I don't feel well anymore. I want to go back home, back to the Forest."

"Listen girls," Clara steps to us, a hand on each our shoulders. "When we first found you two in the park we took you to the hospital of course! Made sure you were okay. Mrs. Bell must have gotten a hold of those records, that's all. You both know that Papa Joe was your psychiatrist there," her eyes soften as she remembers and she tightens her grip, turns us, and begins walking down the deserted hall.

Jasmine says again, "yeah we know. So what do the records say that we _can't_ hear?"

I close my eyes, stop, twist out of Clara's hand, and lean my head against the wall.

"Rose," Clara says, "come on." I don't move and she tells Jasmine, "Jasmine, look at Rose. She needs to get out of here," and more quietly, "she's not recovered, and she looks like she could pass out at any moment. We need to get home."

Jasmine puts a hand on my shoulder and says, "Come on Rose, let's go home."
The City: Rose

Fourteen nights ago, we met with Mrs. Bell.

Days overtake me, one by one, filling my room with light until it is night again, like now.

I lost Joshua, I can't find my way back to the Forest, and Jasmine is no longer my friend. She barely speaks to me, so it's easy to stay silent around her. I don't talk much to anyone. Mostly because my throat catches on every word I utter, and it sounds like I'm holding back tears. I am, about nothing/everything/anything.

Lying on my bed I hear Jasmine's whispers behind her screen, broken by silence and then her throaty chuckle. I wonder who she is talking to. It is not a friend. Jasmine never talks on the phone to friends. She makes or confirms plans through text. This was different. I don't need to hear her words to know they bother me. It isn't the romantic tone, it is the intimacy.

She never confides in me anymore. She's happily replacing me. I don't want to hear her whispers anymore. Rolling out of bed, I stumble to the dark living room. Papa Joe and Clara are already asleep. Flopping on the couch, I pull the soft blanket off the back, and turn on the TV. My eyes close as a show comes on.

• • •

The door clicks, I awake confused, sitting up I turn to the sound.

It's Jasmine. She locks the front door, and throws her jacket on a kitchen chair as she saunters into the living room. I watch her and rub my eyes.

"What are you doing up?" A boyish half-smile lifts Jasmine's tan cheek as she speaks to me, face lit by the TV light.

She hasn't spoken to me all day, and I hate that words from her immediately lighten my mood. I don't answer her, just watch as she stretches out beside me on the couch, laughing at the actors on the sitcom.

In only two weeks Jasmine's damaged face has healed, leaving a beauty that usually only young men hold. Not that it matters, she is wanted no matter what state her face is in. She leaves the house late, meeting one girl or another, and comes home later...like now.

Tucking my feet underneath, I feel how much I crave her attention.

"Good date?" I inquire, though I don't care.

Lips parting she smiles big, still looking at the TV.

"You know. It's a date." She shrugs, smile gone. "I'm tired. Night," she says and leaves.
The City: Jasmine

"Ready?" I ask coming into Rose's side of the room.

She's turned away from me, pulling on jeans. I don't expect her to answer. She barely talks. I know she's falling apart and I'm not sure what to do, but stay away.

"No," Rose says.

I pause. Adjust my shirt. I have to not care about her. I have other things to think about. Shaking my head, I look at myself in her mirror. Hair falls over my eye. It's in the final stages of healing. I like the light, soft green bruising that remains.

Rose is pacing behind me. She comes to stand next to me. I don't think she showered, but she smells good. Hair brushed and flowing over her naked shoulder, she pulls on a soft blue sweater over her bra. I stare. She looks so much better than good. Dirty was working for her. Our eyes meet in the mirror. She drops her gaze to the side.

"I have to go," I say. Picking up my backpack, I move for the door.
The City: Rose

I watch Jasmine leave.

They've left, all of them...Clara, Papa Joe, and now Jasmine. I'm alone and not going anywhere. I crumple to the floor whimpering. I miss Jasmine, and our friendship. I don't think I can stay in the City, and I can't find my way back to the Forest. There's nowhere for me.

I shift on the floor, I have to pee. I get up and head to the bathroom, look at myself in the mirror as I wash my hands. I wonder what Jasmine dislikes about me?

I wander and look at my side of the room. Not much has changed with it since we were young. My painting of the Forest meadow hangs above my bed, and a stuffed horse that reminds me of Joshua sits next to my pillow. I can't be reminded of him now. I leave my side of the room, and look around Jasmine's Asian designed screen. Bold shades of red and black dominate her room.

On my bed, I'm back to crying. When there is no moisture left to expel, I still have plenty of sick sadness, heavy in my chest. I stare at the ceiling and my stomach growls.

_Good,_ I tell it, _you deserve to be hungry._

The digital clock by my bedside says 1:30. It will be at least two hours before Jasmine gets home. My mind responds to this information with hope, stupid brain.

_Don't,_ I tell myself. _Jasmine is no longer your best friend or, a friend at all._

I'm heartbroken. Something has to make this better, because I can't take it. Rolling off my bed I go to the kitchen, grab a bottle of wine, and try to figure out how to pull the cork out. I hope this gives me enough courage to do what I have to.

"Are you going to share that?" A male voice says, surprising me, scaring me. He's standing next to the open window, the fire escape behind him.

"Get out, I'm calling the police," I say reaching for my cell on the counter.

Ignoring me he looks down and says in a surprised tone, "I'm naked."

My outstretched hand stops over the phone. Naked means I can see he has no weapons though he could still overpower me. He's big, but I find I don't really care that I might be in danger. I came to the kitchen to find something suitable to take my life, maybe he'll take it and save me the trouble.

"Have you ever noticed that so many things move when you speak." His large dark hand comes up, softly touching his throat.

His focus comes back to me. "What are you doing?"

I watch as he balances back and forth, from his heels to his toes and back again. It's hard not to focus on his...private area, as it bounces around from his movement. Quickly, I avert my eyes, blinking and moving my vision up into his gaze. Breathing halts, my heartbeat thickens as it strains to push bits of a forgotten prayer through my system.

"Joshua?" I ask, hoping against reason that somehow it's him.

He tilts his head and answers, "Yep."

"Joshua," I say. Relief floods my system, I slump.

He walks toward me, but falls laughing on the floor with the first step.

I come close to him, how can this be? I stand above him now and he looks up at me. His black hair is kinkier than his curly mane from our sweet, green Forest. He must have felt my need. I kneel beside him, pressing my lips to his. My first kiss should be with Joshua.

They are chapped and warm. He does nothing, letting me. My hand is on his dark skinned chest, the softness of his smooth skin slips against my palm. I'm happy again, I'm not alone. This is Joshua and he came from the Forest to save me.

There's a noise out in the hallway. I hear Papa Joe and Clara outside. Why are they back? We turn toward the noise, and then back to each other. Though he can't hear my thoughts in this world, he reads my mind. The City world breaks apart and the Forest fits together around us.
The Forest: Joshua

I stand, now on four legs. Rose is curled around one of my horse legs now. Looking up at me her face crumbles.

_Joshua,_ she stands, _it was real. You were human, right?_

I nod.

_How?_ Rose's thoughts ask.

I felt your need and I came. It was luck, or maybe magic that turned me human.

_You're different now._ Rose is sad. _Let's go back right now!_ She leaps to her feet, throwing her arms around my neck. _Please, I want you human._

The City builds itself around us.
The City: Rose

I open my eyes. I'm in my room lying in my bed. I look around for Joshua, but he's not here. I run out into the living room. Joshua is sitting, clothed, at the table eating something, and talking to Papa Joe and Clara.

"Joshua!" I say, and everyone looks at me.

Walking quickly to him I sit in the chair closest to him, my jeans pressing, touching his. Jeans? How is he clothed? I want to kiss him again, get as close to him as I can, but I'm aware of Clara and Papa Joe staring at us, so I ask quietly, "Do you feel it?"

He looks uncomfortably at the faces looking at us, "Uh, yeah I feel it," he finally answers.

I look at Clara, "Joshua came from the Forest because he knows that I'll die in the City without him." I turn to Papa Joe, "If you make him feel unwelcome, and he leaves back to the Forest, you'll regret it." I am threatening them and it scares me a little. I've never acted like this, but...what choice do I have? I need Joshua here, as a human. I stand, pulling Joshua with me, "We're going to my room."

I take his hand and he grabs the sandwich he was eating with the other. Back in my room I shut the door, locking it.

Joshua looks at me and takes a big bite of his sandwich, "Rose?"

He says like it's a question. Is he questioning us? I feel rejected, confused. Lowering my head, I don't see him come close, but smell his sandwich scent as he pulls me into his arms.

"You're really beautiful," he kisses me, lightly at first and then harder. I pull away.

"Wait, I...I'm just....I mean...shouldn't we talk about the Forest?" My cheeks are warm.

Stepping back he looks beyond me, at the wall, and says, "No. We should just discuss here, the...City...right? Anyway my memory got messed up or something coming here, so..." He comes close to me again, "all I really want to know is you, right now. You here, not in the... Forest." His hands are on my face, stroking my hair away from it. He looks into my eyes, "Okay, Rose?" His voice is tender.

"Okay," I put my hands over his. They're rough inside where they touch my cheek, but soft and smooth on the outside.

"Rose!" Clara calls my name with more force than she should outside the door, "why is the door locked? Open it right now, we need to talk."

I turn to her voice and then to Joshua, "Don'tn worry, I'll take care of this. You're not leaving the City."

Opening the door I block the way to Joshua, but he's behind me pushing me aside and says to Clara, "I'm keeping my end of the deal." Joshua smiles at her, and at Joe who is standing behind her, anger all over his face.

"What deal?" I ask.

Joshua takes the last bite of his sandwich and looks at them.

"The one where Joshua can stay for dinner, then he has to go back to the Forest," Papa Joe says looking at me, seeking a compromise. Turning his gaze to Joshua he says, "Honor what we spoke about," a low growl in his throat.

Dinner is silent and strange. I don't eat because I'm too busy staring at Joshua across from me. He's eating everything, his long hands busy pulling food onto his plate. He didn't wash his hands before dinner and there is dirt under his square, flat nails—dirt from the Forest.

He glances at me as he eats, and after a time he slows, then finally stops and Clara takes his plate.

Papa Joe says, "It was...interesting having you for dinner, and now it's time for you to go back to the Forest.

"But he can't," I panic. I can't let him go. This evening went so fast, too fast.

"He must Rose, there is no place for him in the City," Papa Joe pushes his chair out, "but he'll come back and visit. Right, Joshua?" Papa Joe ends with a question, but it doesn't sound like a question, more like a demand.

I stand not moving. There are a few scenes going on in my head and none of them involve Joshua leaving.

"Can't he stay just _one_ night, on the couch?" I ask trying not to sound like I was pleading.

"No," Papa's voice is final. "Tomorrow, you can see him at dinner tomorrow."

Anger swells in me. How _dare_ they tell me what I can and can't do! Joshua is already standing to go.

"Don't disappear yet!" I cry out.

"Tomorrow, Rose." Joshua smiles briefly as he stands and walks to the door.

Pinching the top of my nose I look down and blink, not wanting to cry. When I look up he is gone.

I can't seem to hold onto anything.
The City: Jasmine

"Don't go," the girl says.

Pulling on my sweatshirt, I look at her. She's looking at her fingers. I'm standing next to her bed. I feel my hair springing up all over my head. Soft curls entangle my long fingers. Damn, all our heated kissing has ruined the straightening I'd done the day before.

She pulls her legs beneath her. Kneeling on her bed now she leans into me.

"Stay the day. No school, teacher planning," she says.

Her pink cheek is pressing into my sweatshirt.

"I have to get home," my hand touches her hair, "I can't stay silly. What would your parents say?" I ask though I know the answer.

She giggles, "They don't know what we do in here."

We just kissed.

Her chin is poking my ribs now so she can look up at me. Her brown eyes are warm and light. She's cute. And so damn perky. She's the "platonic" friend I stayed with when Rose was half-crazed. I did allow her to "accidentally" roll into my arms that night.

Last night I welcomed her weight into me with a kiss.

I needed a distraction from worrying about Rose.

I was lost in kissing her for a short time. Then Rose infiltrated my thoughts, and all I could think about was what I knew I had to do.

I step back from her now. "Listen babe, I've got plans." Her lips pout. It makes her look arrogant.

Her eyes go soft with hurt. I put one hand on her shoulder, and give a quick squeeze and tame push. She falls back on the bed. Shirt falling up, her belly and one round fleshy hip is exposed.

"Go on now, back to bed," I say and walk out of her room.

"I'll be waiting," I hear her faint response.

It is early enough that only workaholics, or exercise fanatics are awake as I make my way through the City. I couldn't wait to leave. Staying too long always makes it weird. Especially, when they start to think there's a chance.

My breath comes out in little steam clouds. In the distance, the apartment containing Rose rises darkly into the morning light.

That girl doesn't matter to me, at not least in the way that she wants to. No one did; no one except Rose. I understand now, it is not the physical part that I need satiated.

It's love. I love Rose.

Entering the lobby, I move past the elevator to the stairs. Trying to put my thoughts in order, I climb the steps. I'm not trying to run from her anymore. I know she _thinks_ she loves Joshua, but she just misses me. I knew I loved her yesterday as I watched her get dressed for school. I tried to escape it. Fill the feeling with another random girl. It didn't work. Now, there is an insane piece of hope deep in my chest.

Maybe she loves me too.

I attack the last flight of stairs. I'm almost to the apartment. I feel my heart spilling out before me. There's a lot of risk in telling her.

_Pussy_! I think to myself.

Turning the key I push open the door as quietly as I can. It's early, everyone is still sleeping. I hang my jacket in the hall. Goosebumps stand on my now naked arms. It's not because of cold.

Motionless in the entry hall, I view my options. To my right is the couch. I can watch TV until everyone wakes. To the left is our room.

I pause.

What if I didn't tell her I am in love with her? What if _she_ told _me_? I mean, I can get every other girl to fall in love with me. Why not Rose? I had never "wooed" her before. I'll turn on the charm. Rose is already halfway there. Her jealousy of the other girls proves that.

_Jump right in,_ I tell myself.

Confident, I stride toward our closed bedroom door. My feet go to her side of the room. I want to have her wake beside me like when we were kids. Quickly I take off my black jeans. They come off like a second skin, clinging to my form. Keeping my gaze low, I lift my leg to climb onto her bed. Try to keep my breath even.

I've been pushing Rose away for weeks.

The toes of her foot, escaped from the blanket, connect to my knee. Sitting on the edge of the bed, I stare at her. Besides the ends of her feet, she is completely covered with the blanket. _Come on Jasmine,_ I try to encourage myself, _just get in there...dive in. Don't be weak._

My small pep talk is lacking, but I find myself slipping in the covers anyway.

Rose's plump arm in the early morning darkness shoots out and wraps around me, pulling me down.

This behavior is unlike Rose. She must be dreaming. I smile into the sheet. My plan appears to be happening naturally.

My heart pounds hard. This feeling, I can't find it anywhere else. She is the only one I could ever love.

Slowly I wiggle myself closer. More firmly against her, I felt her shift and roll over closer to me. She's straddling me. On top of me, her weight is familiar.

It's happening.

Her cheek is on my t-shirted chest, hair falling on my arm.

My right hand comes around, fingers through her hair until her scalp is cradled in my hand. I swallow, worried she'll wake. Her cheek just presses more firmly into me. She's always been a deep sleeper.

Within a few minutes, she begins to stir.

I'm ready.

Stretching her body Rose rolls to the side of me. I stay on my back.

"Good morning Rose," a male voice says coming from the other side of her.

What the _fuck_!

Scrambling to my knees, I fall off the bed. On the other side of Rose, there is some strange guy.

Pushing off the floor, I stand.

"WHO...ARE...YOU!" I demand.

"Wha...huh?" His eyes are squinting open, one hand protectively on Rose.

"Who the hell _are you_!" I say, searching to find...something to make this stranger leave.

Rose sits straight up, eyes wide, saying, "Jasmine! Calm down. It's okay!" Rose rolls off the bed and grabs my hand. "This, this is Joshua!" She rambles, "I know, it's crazy, right! I mean..." she blinks rapidly, "okay let me slow down. I should have called you, I wanted to call you, but... he just kind of showed up and then I was dealing with Papa and Clara." She drops my hands and throws hers in the air. "You would not believe the fuss they're making. And Jasmine, they _sent him_ back to the Forest. _Back_ ," Rose looks upset, but then giggles, "but he climbed through my window, back to me, when they fell asleep last night."

We are all looking at each other.

Finally I speak. "What do you mean "showed up? We couldn't even get to the Forest. How would Joshua get here?" I turn to the guy, "If you're Joshua, tell us how you got here."

He stands up. His muscled torso is bare. Gross.

"Like Rose said, I came from the Forest," he says.

Bullshit. He's lying.

"Get out of here." I say to him. This isn't Joshua. I mean...I don't think it's him. He's old, older than us.

"Jasmine," Rose's voice cries out. "Please stop. Why are you trying to send him away? I need him."

"Don't worry Rose," he looks challenging at me, "I'm not going."

I want to punch him. "You are."

I won't accept I lost Rose before I had a chance to get her.

My head is spinning. My bare legs are cold, and I realize I'm having a conversation in a shirt and underwear. I don't care.

"Get out." I tell him again.

Rose steps in front of him. He smiles deviously at me from behind her. I knew he wasn't Joshua.

Rage fills me. I shut my eyes. My fingers squeeze my head.

"Jasmine," Rose says her voice full of innocence. I can't help but look at her. Reaching back she puts a hand on his shoulder. I stare at her, willing her to see the insanity of this.

"Jasmine this _is_ Joshua."

"No Rose. It's _not_. This guy is tricking you." I try to pull her away from him, but she won't move. I try reason, "I know I haven't been here recently, but that is going to change. You don't need him, you have me," I say while thinking my new, great fear, _I'm too late._

I pushed Rose away when she needed me. I ignored it. Now she found comfort with this guy, this clown. I won't let this happen.

"Listen...whatever your name is," I say to _him_ , "you need to go...go back to wherever you came from. Rose has made a mistake."

Stepping around Rose, I move toward him. Grab him and try to move him toward the door. He doesn't budge.

"I am Joshua," he says, his eyebrow raised. He's smirking.

"If that's true, tell us something only we would know," I challenge.

He sighs and looks at Rose. Rose speaks for him.

"His memory isn't great, but," she comes in front of me, standing between me and him. Rose is smiling so adoringly at him. I know I won't like her next words.

"Jasmine, we're in love."

Being in love suits her, so pretty in love. My heart dies knowing the love isn't mine to have.

Rose continues, oblivious that every word has me retching, "He came yesterday, because I _needed_ him, and at first I didn't know it was him, but then I knew...and it's so wonderful!

I try not to hear. My ears resist me, trained to capture her voice.

I hear every word.

"Oh Jasmine," Rose says, I know now, the feeling you've been looking for," she continues.

_Punch_ ... to the stomach.

"And I'm sorry I've been acting so jealous," she continues.

_Chop_ ...my vocal chords. I whimper, but no one hears.

"I understand the love you're looking for now, because I feel it." Rose looks up— At him.

_Squeeze._ Give up. _Explode_ ...chunks of me everywhere.

With every bit of anger I have, I stare at the guy. I see nervousness in his eyes.

He smoothes back her hair. Rose is demure, shy at his touch. Rose is fresh, filled with love.

She should be mine.

"This _is_ Joshua. Jasmine, believe me," she speaks to me again, still looking at him. "I went back to the Forest with him, but he's only human here in the City, so we won't be going back to the Forest anymore."

She looks so earnest at me. Need for confirmation that I understand the truth of her words.

I can't. They're not correct.

I leave.

Leaving them to kiss or touch or whatever...on Rose's side of our room, I escape behind my screen. The overhead light doesn't reflect well off my gray walls. Surrounded by a color as dim as my mood, I sit on my bed resting my elbows, sharp on my knees.

My mind tries to grab hold of the confidence I entered the room with. It's gone, walled in by this new reality.

The smell of the girl from this morning wafts to me from my t-shirt. It is a soft powdery smell, probably from whatever perfume she uses. Last night I held that other girl. Probably similar to the way that guy held Rose as they slept.

He's not Joshua.

Behind my screen I hear them climb back in bed.

• • •

Pulling on a pair of pants off my floor, I slip out into the kitchen. There, I begin pulling out pots and ingredients for breakfast loudly.

Very loudly.

Chopping with a vengeance. High heat on the stove, things sizzle. All this noise doesn't disturb the love birds, but Clara soon emerges.

Yawning, her brown hair askew, Clara says, "Jasmine, it's early." She's happy to see me. "Have you spoken with Rose?"

Ah, there it is. I go in for the kill.

"Clara!" I cover the omelet, "what a wonderful surprise I had this morning! I met Joshua. It's great that you let him stay the whole night. Stay with Rose in her room. Her bed. Most parents don't understand love."

Clara's face registers shock. Papa Joe comes into view. I wonder if he heard?

"Jasmine, where are the two of them now?" Papa Joe asks his voice uneven.

Oh good! He did.

"Still in the bedroom," a nod of my head, smiling slightly, "they looked so sweet, cuddling. Should I get them? Breakfast is ready."

"No." Joe strides to our room. "Let me."

I follow Papa Joe to our bedroom door. He goes in. I wait, leaning on the doorframe. Joshua comes out.

"I made breakfast," I say coolly to Joshua.

He waits by the bedroom door. Rose and Papa Joe are speaking rapidly and low. Papa Joe emerges, and grabs the guys arm. Rose quickly follows, and stands helplessly. Clara moves to do something, but Joe waves her away. She goes to Rose.

I move by the front door, waiting eagerly for Papa Joe to throw the liar out.

The guy says to Papa Joe, "Rose wants to be with me."

"You broke our agreement. Leave now," Papa Joe replies, pushing him to the door.

I open the door.

Rose rushes past me out it. I am left in a wake of her amber oil musk and flower scented shampoo. I want to reach to her, but she's beyond my grasp.

"Papa Joe, it was just one night," Rose says from the hallway.

"Rose, get back inside!" Papa Joe almost shouts.

Rose seems completely collected. Not the basket case she's been, as she says, "If you make him leave, I'll leave too."

"No Rose, come back honey," Clara says moving out to the hallway too.

I know I can't change her mind after the way I've been acting. I hope Clara and Papa Joe can fix this.

Papa Joe is sweating with effort to control his anger. Visibly taking deep breathes he finally says, "Joshua, we had a talk yesterday. We came to an agreement. If you can keep your end of the deal, you can have dinner with us tonight."

Why did Joe keep trying to reason with them? Make Rose go back in the bedroom. Throw the guy out.

"No, I don't agree anymore," the guy says stepping toward Rose, "I love her."

"You just met her!" Papa Joe yells.

Rose flinches as she grabs the guy's hand, "why do you keep saying that? Joshua has known me my whole life!" Rose is pulling the guy down the hallway.

"Rose, _go_ back to your room!" Papa Joe says approaching them.

Finally!

Suddenly Clara is next to Rose trying to lead her back into the house. Rose is resisting.

I've had enough.

"Come on Rose." I push between everyone. There is just Rose and me. Holding out my hand to her, I say, "let Papa Joe and Joshua talk. Everything will be okay," Rose looks at me, taking my hand. "I promise," I tell her, squeezing her hand. "Let's go watch TV. Or...even better, let's go to the Forest and see Joshua there." I look at the guy, "Meet us there?"

The guy scowls at me.

"Yeah Joshua," she says, "meet us there and we'll figure it out."

"Rose, I'm not...human there. Come on. Let's go. I'll take care of you."

He holds out _his_ hand.

Rose looks between us.

"I want to stay human. Please Rose, come with me," eyes soft, he appeals to her.

Rose looks at me, tears streaming down her face, "I'm sorry Jasmine, please understand, please... I need Joshua as a human."

The guy looks at Papa Joe and says, "I'll take care of her, and you'll take care of us."

Rose grabs her sneakers and no one stops her. The guy is barefoot as they leave.

PART TWO
The City: Jas

Looking at her from above, she's beautiful, a jewel which the rest of the forest is positioned around. Long, cinnamon rounded legs are curled near her, almost under her. She leans back against Joshua, looking into the sky, seeing me, and even though I am too high to hear, she still calls my name. I can tell by the way she moves her mouth. I've watched it move to the sound of my name all my life.

Landing near the two of them I carefully fold up my wings.

Tucking them under my shoulder blades, they disappear. I smile, forced, and kneel next to them.

"What have you guys been talking about?" I inquire.

Rose dismisses the question with a quick shake of her head, nose wrinkling.

"Nothing," she lies, "I wish I could fly like you."

• • •

I wake. Always the same dream.

The hurtful reality is always ready to be acknowledged.

Why didn't she choose me?

I provide the answer seamlessly. Because the guy she left Joe's and Clara's house with months ago, claims to be Joshua, in human form.

He's not. I feel it, but I can't go to the Forest anymore. I can only dream about going. If I could go, find the horse Joshua there and prove this human Joshua is a fraud, I would.

I yawn and stretch on the couch where I am dozing. These are futile thoughts. Even if I had proof, I don't know where Rose is.

I hear the girl, Cindy...I think that's her name, in the bathroom. Every girl I conquer gives me hope that one day, given the chance, I can win Rose. It's become a game, building myself up this way. Like a fighter, fighting mini fights before the one that _really_ counts. Rose is my Big Fight. She is my Big Win.

I focus on the blue bag on the floor, Cindy's bag. The bag contains tiny, hidden pockets throughout it. She proudly showed me what she stashes there the same day we met, earlier this week.

"You can take whatever you want," Cindy said that day.

"No thanks, I don't do drugs," I told her.

She acted like she had never shown me her stash after that, but still drags the bag around. She shuffles through it to find "something" often, then disappears with the something.

Cindy's light bulbs are not fully screwed in.

I wonder if she was born thoughtless, or it's the effect of what she uses. Digging through her bag, my fingers find and free the baggie. Holding it up to the light, I remind myself that smarter people have an obligation to look out for the ones that don't efficiently use their mind.

Perfume invades the room and I push the baggy into my jeans pocket.

"Hey Jas, we headed back to school?" Cindy asks, coming from the bathroom. Wiggling over to me, she adjusts her tight skirt, and sits in my lap.

"You're headed back. I have things to take care of," I counter, shifting to accommodate her weight.

It feels nice, her warmth across me. She's the only type of girl I go after these days, girls with not much substance because I can't offer much.

Cindy wants to be my girl. I want Rose.

I slide Cindy off me to stand. Her legs accept the weight of her body and she stands next to me. Head tilted, shoulders slumped.

"Don't miss your debate class," I say coming close to her bubble gum breath.

"You argue well," I say, blatantly lying. I smile into her eyes like I mean it until she smiles back. Cool, she's happy.

I flop back onto the couch dismissively.

She remains still for a moment, the smile a vanishing ghost on her face.

She's unsure of what to do. I give her direction. Picking up the blue bag next to my feet, I hold it out to her.

She still looks confused.

"Better get to that class Cindy," I say, helping her reconnect the dots.

"Oh," light bulbs flicker in her eyes, "right. Okay Jas. Bye." Her eyes dart to me, "Also, my name's Candace.

She gathers the rest of her stuff. I don't see her leave, but hear her boots glide to the door.

The door shuts. I'm alone. I touch the rope around my neck that holds a single black wing. I found it in Rose's drawer, after she left. Now I always wear it.

I remember the day Joe bought it for her. Rose was so excited when we saw a picture of an angel in the City. In was in a church, light streaming through the colored chunks of the church windows, illuminating the white glass wings.

We were celebrating our ninth birthday that day.

"We come from the City," Rose had said.

"No," Papa Joe had quietly informed us. His voice paused as if he was about to continue, but Rose spoke over him.

"We _are_ from the City Papa Joe...we are...we are... I remember seeing these winged angels before in a church..." Rose's high pitched child's voice went shrill, her eyes were wide.

I was sitting on one of the pews, still staring at the angels sunlit wings.

Papa Joe looked at her, then me, about to respond, but Clara had spoken first, "You remember when you first came, that's what you remember Rose. Remember before Papa Joe and I found you, all you and Jasmine had is the Forest."

"All we had was the Forest," I reminded Rose. "The Forest must know about angels, and gave me my magical wings. They disappear when we're in the City. Just like the way you can't talk to animals in the City."

"That's right Jasmine," Papa looked at me approvingly and smoothed my unruly hair. "The Forest took care of you before, but now you belong here in the City, with Clara and I."

"But..." Rose looks upset, "I remember seeing a movie about a man that talks to animals, here in the City, _before_ we found the City." Rose came over to sit with me, looking at me, and said, "It doesn't make sense Jasmine."

Papa Joe came to sit on one side of us, Clara on the other side, "you're getting things confused Rose," Clara said calmly, and Papa Joe said, "Before you found the City...all you had was the Forest. The Forest protected you, took care of you, and helped you find your way here to the City."

• • •

At the sound of keys jingling, my eyes fly to the door. Oh shit, I need to dispose of Cindy/Candace's...crap.

Flushing the powder down the toilet, and washing my hands quickly, I come back to the living room to lounge on the floor. A sharp clink tells me whoever is home has dropped their keys on the glass dish in the front hall. On my back I stare at nothing on the ceiling. The ceiling is whiter when compared to the off white walls.

I think about the church memory. We were so confused back then. _Where_ did we belong? _Where_ were we born? Footsteps are coming into the living room. I tense my stomach muscles to lift my head.

"Hey Joe," I greet him briefly. Dropping my head back to the ground, my eyes find their place on the ceiling.

"Jas? Why aren't you in school?"

"I don't know."

"You better know, and _you_ better look at me," Joe tells me like I'm a child.

So I do, knowing he was going to start bitching about school again.

"How are the crazies?" Flipping to my stomach I quickly stand up.

"Jas, there are plenty of sane people that see psychologists. They're people," Joe says sharply, "people I'm trying to help."

"Yes. Crazy people," I insist trying to upset him, "so how are they?" I ask and look at him long enough to see the anger develop on his face. Now I feel guilty. I don't know why I'm trying to annoy him.

Time to go. Looking down, I quickly move toward the door. "I'm just about to head out."

"Head out? To school?" Joe asks, his anger gone, swallowed by concern.

I keep moving, but he stops me. "To school," he asks again.

It's no longer a question.

"Yep." I say, make my eyes meet his so he'll back off. But he doesn't.

"Jas you know that if you're not attending school, you'll need to get a job.

It's the house rule."

"Why are you home now?" I deflect.

"Finished work early. Leaving early is something you can do when you're the boss." Joe steps closer, "Actually I'm glad you're here, I've been meaning to talk to you for a while."

He guides me back to the living room.

"You're flailing Jas," Joe says as we sit on the couch where Cindy/Candace, and I had just been. "You can't put your life on hold waiting for Rose. She's living with Joshua. You need to accept it. "

His words sting. The truth always does. Joe is trying to break through to me, but I am already broken and his words just float through the cracks.

"I know. I accept it," I lie. "Tell me where she is, and I'll go make things right."

"Make things right? Will you? It's been a year Jas..."

"Ten months," I interrupt.

"Okay, almost a year," Joe concedes, "and you're not sleeping or hiding in your room all day, like the first few months...but..."

"Yep," I pipe in.

"It's time to make choices," Papa Joe continues, leaning back into the cushions, trying to observe me to see if I am paying attention.

"Okay."

Satisfied I'm listening, he continues. "You live in the City. You can't get back to the Forest. You need to start participating in the rules of this society. You can't stay in the City doing nothing...what is this?" Reaching beside him, Papa Joe has pulled Cindy's white bikini panties from between the cushions.

His face would have shown a reddish flush if it could be seen under his dark skin. Now the flush shows pink on his palm that holds the panties.

"Don't know," I say innocently, "probably a girl's that I'm dating," I state.

Then add, "I am a teenager, Joe. Aren't I supposed to date? I mean that's according to the rules of society you _just_ told me to participate in."

"You're almost an adult. You're turning eighteen, Jasmine," Joe says.

"Jas," I respond.

"Fine, Jas." Joe frowns. "You're toying with these girl's feelings. It's cruel," Joe says, and then looks at me disapprovingly. "Clara will want to talk to you. Stay home, in your room, until she comes."

Immediately I stand, "I told you, I'm headed out. I have something important to do. I'll talk to her tomorrow...or something."

Papa Joe, not one for chasing, sits silently as I scurry out the door. My heart thumps. I feel his disapproval slide out the big wooden door with me.

Walking down the street of the City, away from Papa Joe, his words make me angry. Cruel? Me? I never offer anything I can't give. Is it my fault that girls assume something different?

The sun is out, but the wind whips around the buildings. I should have grabbed my jacket on the way out. Despite my brisk walking, I am chilly, and my nose is leaking when I arrive at the modern gray building.

The doorman at the entrance knows me well, "Hey Jas! Going to make more magic today?"

I chuckle, sniff, "Yeah, I do what I can."

Riding up the elevator I think about the way I stumbled into making this album. It is because of Rose. I began singing when Rose left. I had to escape. I found music. I sang the words I couldn't say. First just to myself, then I put the words to the sound of the guitar. I'm grateful to the girl who taught me to play. I wish I had given her something equal to what she had given me with this outlet. All I gave her was a broken heart.

I began performing because I needed more response. I needed the words to be heard and understood. I didn't want to feel alone anymore. I didn't start performing holed up in my bedroom or bathroom with the computer camera as my audience and then showcase it on social media. No, I wanted to show more balls than that!

But I couldn't make myself perform in front of a sitting audience. Frustrated with my lack of courage, I forced myself to perform in front of a moving audience. I performed on street corners, and the underground subway. I made a little cash, but people can't appreciate music fully that way. They only hear snippets as they pass by.

As weeks turned into months of people ignoring me, I began to understand why people were advertising their talent on the internet. Just as I was about to break down and join the millions there, Kasey discovered me. He was just some dude who stopped in front of me to hit on a young guy.

Turning to me as the guy walked away with his number, he said, "Your music was like a soundtrack to that moment! Where'd you come from?"

I did my usual shrug.

"Never mind, I'm Kasey" he held out his hand, and I took it. "I'm going to make you a star."

We went from there.

• • •

"There she is! My torch singer!" Kasey calls as I enter his apartment/studio.

"Hey Kasey, what's up?" I respond dropping myself onto a chair.

"Girl, we need to perk you up, or better yet, let's get you singing! You seem depressed, never a better time to sing sad songs." He pulls me to my feet and into the adjoining studio. "Grab a mic and let's do this. We were working on the song, 'Sound of you.' Remember?" I nod. "Okay," Kasey says, "let's take it from the top."

And so I do. I sing...

" _Aching for your rhythm_

Lost without your song

In a haze I walk the City

Trying to find you

Around every corner

Faded voice of you

Chase it down

Hear me now

Singing out my truth"

My voice vibrates with the power of my need for Rose, as I begin the chorus.

" _The sound of you_

Sounds of you

Catch in my breath

The sound of you

Sounds of you

All I have left"

Caressing the microphone with my anguish, I close my eyes against the tears there.

My throat is dry when I finish another verse, ending with chorus. I gulp water from the bottle Kasey provides.

Kasey watches me, and says, "That was the last song you know. We are ready to release this to labels."

"I don't want labels Kasey. We agreed releasing it underground. Letting it grow from bottom up. A grassroots thing," I protest, ready to get out of the stuffy studio.

"I know darling, but it's so good! We would get loads of money and more exposure letting labels fight over it. That would really promote the shit out of it!" Kasey argues distraught with the thought of lost income.

"Don't care. You want me, my songs, and my voice? Then you want my way of doing things," I say. Calling his bluff, I wait.

"Okay, we have the performance in a few days, but remember you only get one shot at a first performance. We're giving yours away for free, FREE!" he emphasizes quickly, with a pained expression.

Grabbing my stuff I head to the door, "Yep. I'll see you there."

"Wait. Wait ...Jasmine," Kasey's voice halts me, and his long legs walk quickly over to where I've stopped.

"Jas," I correct him.

"Jas...now that we've finished the album, you gotta tell me," his face serious, "Who are you singing about?"

"Ha." I laugh. "Why do you care?" I say and begin to walk again.

"Ok fine," Kasey holds out his hands like he gives up as I leave, "don't tell me."
The City: Rose

Joshua's dark muscled back is to me as we lie, and I kiss it. His back returns the kiss I applied to it, as he presses into me.

"Is it time to wake up already?" He groans. "I didn't even hear the alarm."

"The alarm hasn't gone off yet," I reply softly. My voice alerts him and he turns to face me and I wiggle into his arms.

"Rose?" he asks, his arms are around me, hands light on my back.

"Our time is not our own," I say into his neck. "I feel like we're mostly at work and when we're not working, we're tired."

His neck smells spicy sweet. It's new, a City smell and it makes me miss his nature smell of the Forest. The thought of the Forest both soothes me and breaks my heart. It reminds me of Jasmine and the fact that I have begun a life here, in the City, without her. I gave her up. I gave up everything that was important to me, to be with Joshua.

Joshua lifts my face up to his lips. They brush mine, pressing and he turns on his back. Laying the length of him, I lift my head and look at him. His dark eyes are almost black with an unspoken hunger and he gradually lets out a breath, saying, "Rose," Joshua moves against me, "Let's just..."

I press my mouth back on his, and roll away. I force him to roll with me if he wants to keep our breath one. Now he is above me, and I push him up so he will look at me as I say, "not yet....not yet okay?"

Shutting his eyes he rolls off me and sits on the edge of the bed facing away from me.

Frustrated, he reaches into the drawer beside the bed.

"I really don't think you should," I say reaching, touching his back.

"Rose, I need this," he glances back to me, shaking his head like I should know better, "it doesn't affect me the same as other humans." Joshua swallows the pills, his back still turned. He says, "I'm not like other humans, am I? Coming from the Forest and all that?" He falls back into the pillows. "Talk about the Forest Rose."

Pushing myself up to sit, I lean on my arm. I'm facing away from him, thinking of leaving him in his stupor. The beginning high is the worst. Sometimes he just stares off into space.

Joshua takes the end of my hair between his fingers, and lightly pulls on it. "Come here baby. Come tell me about the Forest."

"You're forgetting the Forest, aren't you?" I say as I give in, turn to him, and lay my head on his chest.

"I just like to hear you talk about it," he says one hand on my forehead, smoothing the baby hairs there.

"Joshua," I say into his chest, "it's been months since you turned human. Your memory of the Forest and being a horse is still gone. Why?"

He looks down to me. His pupils suddenly grow, blowing into his irises. He has to focus to reach past whatever he's seeing to touch my cheek. "Come on baby, tell me."

And I do, because I've asked him before, and realize I might never get a response. So I think one of my memories, when Jasmine, he and I were young and playful.

No, that won't work. It makes me miss Jasmine, so I focus on a memory of mainly me and Joshua.

"Okay," I say, "this was a fun day in the Forest." I smile, remembering. I push my toes against his under the blanket and begin the memory, "We were full from berries. Jasmine, you and I, all lay in the warm prickly grass of the Forest. Maybe we were eleven. Jasmine was fast asleep in the sun. I would've joined her, but you," I lightly tap Joshua's toes with my own, "you wouldn't let me sleep. Do you remember that?" I ask hoping my memory will pique his.

"Kinda," he mumbles, leaning over to kiss my forehead and says, "keep going, and I might remember more."

I want to remind him, so I continue the memory. "You thought to me, _we should swim in the pond while Jasmine is asleep. She never wants to come anyway._ Jasmine was beginning to drift away from us at that point and you wanted time with just me," I tell Joshua, shifting in our City bed and breaking from the memory. Lazily he lifts his arm, and lays his finger on my lips.

"Rose," he says and removes his finger using his palm to smooth back my hair, "just tell me the story, don't break it up with commentary."

"Okay," I giggle embarrassed, "umm...so..." My voice is soft into his chest, where his hand has guided my head. Joshua's breath is deep. I lift my head to look at him. He gives me a goofy smile. I let my voice carry the rest of the memory, _and no more comments_ , _this is a story,_ I think to myself as my voice continues...

" _One day in the Forest..my eyes are lazy to stay open, and my thoughts are fast following them. I want to join Jasmine in sleep but I'm tired. I hear my own voice as I speak and quickly switch to unspoken communication._

' _You woke us so early,' I think to you. 'I just want to take a small nap and then we'll go.'_

You are already standing, your thoughts demanding, 'Come on! Getting in the pond will wake you up.'

' _I don't want to wake up,' I think, closing my eyes again._

Feeling the heat, both from the sun above and the grass under me, I snuggle on my side and breathe in the smell of grass and dirt. I hear a splash as you go in. I don't resist slumber anymore. I'm almost dozing but you invade the place of limbo between reality and sleep, with his play by play thoughts of the fresh water. Water, still cool enough to quench thirst, but warm enough to ease into without hesitation.

Now I yearn for water more than sleep. Standing up, I slip off my clothes walking to the pond. I dive in and under and my belly picks up the bottom layer of dirt, mixing the clarity of the water to a foggy, confused state. Rising slightly, I stand with Joshua beside me.

' _Will you and Jasmine go back to the City tonight?'_

' _Oh Joshua!'_ I lean back to allow my hair to stretch like black rods in the water toward you, touching you, merging with the smooth deep black coloring of his coat, ' _Don't worry, we'll always come back.'"_

My voice trails off, and my memory of the Forest stops. There is only here, the City, and Joshua as a human.

"Do you remember?"

"You were naked, in a pond, and..." Joshua says wide awake, arms wrapping around me, holding me close.

_He doesn't_ , I sadly think.

"Yes, but Joshua, you were a horse, and we were eleven." I finally say knowing where this is headed.

"Come on Rose," Joshua says, "I'm high and just...a little...unfulfilled," Joshua rolls over, a hand under my head, holding it as he softly kisses my lips and my neck.

There's a moan in my throat, and then the alarm goes off,

Beep...Beep...Beep

• • •

We barely make it to work on time.

I take my first order, wipe off the counter, and pause to catch my breath when the pick-up bell shrieks at me. Racing, I pick up the food and deliver it to the waiting woman and her dog. The woman is blind and her dog leads her to this cafe every morning for oatmeal and a cup of tea. The woman likes me because I like her dog, and her dog likes me.

"Rose! Rose!" she calls to me now as I set down her oatmeal, "I need cream."

She is patting the empty spot to the left of her tea cup where the cream should be.

"Sorry," I apologize softly, never speaking loudly in this large, noisy place, and put the cream where it belongs.

As a waitress, my demure voice and demeanor doesn't help, but it hasn't hurt either. People just want to talk _to_ you, bark their demands or absently give orders. They don't seem to mind that I don't want to entertain them with my own stories as long as I show an interest in theirs. This blind woman was different though, she always heard me.

"That's ok Rose. Maybe I should try my tea without the cream one day. It's been years since I drank it without." she smiles at me and takes off her sunglasses.

I don't like to look at her face. One eye droops and the other stares off into nothing at an odd angle. Looking at her dog is better. Hello, I think at him. I will him to hear me, to answer me back. He only looks at me happily, tongue hanging, tail thumping on the tile floor.

For a second I think about the Forest. I always think about going back for a visit, but I'm afraid I'll want to stay. I resign myself to the facts. _I accept the City and only the City_ , I repeat as I grab the rag and begin where I left off washing down the counters. _I gave up the Forest and the gift,_ I remind myself _, I don't need anything but Joshua as a human_.

My fingers press into the dishrag as my eyes follow his movements in the café.

Joshua is a great waiter. He not only brings home more tips than me, but helps me keep my job. A few weeks ago, he threatened to quit if they fired me and so they kept me even though I am slow and quiet.

"At least she's pretty," I overheard our boss tell the cook one day, "she brings in the boys. That's why I give her all the window tables. Rose is my live window display."

I pass Joshua who holds a tray filled with warm dishes, and focus on his face. He gracefully moves around me, glancing back with a smile as he places the tray on the fold out rack, and begins to unload the customer's meals.

"Salad and a cup of chowder?" he announces at the table whose orders he holds.

"Here," the lady said.

"Burger and fries?"

"That's mine," says the daughter, around my age claims, eyeing my boyfriend.

Joshua gets a lot of looks, from both boys and girls. I don't mind. Why would I? We were meant to be together. I smile as I admire his brown eyes, black curly hair, and dark skin. His build is slim and he moves quickly, never hesitating.

Meals delivered, Joshua walks back toward me and undoes his apron, "Rose, let's take a break." Sticking his head into the kitchen he calls, "Hey Pat, we're taking five. You okay alone?"

"No problem Josh." Pat says not lifting his head from the grill.

Outside, by the dumpsters, Joshua takes more pills out of his apron. Swallowing without liquid, he shakes his head grunting, "Oh, I needed that!" Then smiles and hugs me just the way I like, my head under his chin.

"It would be fun to explore some of the other places of this world, don't you think?" I smile up at Joshua with my thought.

"That's our goal, but first we have to play the money game," Joshua says holding me tighter.

"Hey, you guys got some change?" someone asks.

I pull away and look at a forgotten homeless man, wait... no, woman surrounded by trash. The homeless, I have ignored their presence in the City until now. Now, outside of my sheltered life with Papa Joe and Clara, I understand what it is like to not have enough.

I take a step closer to give her the tips in my apron.

Her rotten smell hits me just as her decaying words do.

"Back off bitch!" she growls

She's like a wild creature. I'm afraid, but sure I can tame her. Holding out my hand, I timidly offer the money.

The bag lady jumps up waving something through the air and I see that my first guess was correct. It's not a woman, but a man, and he is dangling out of his pants. Unmoving, I stare as the half naked man advances.

Joshua grabs his arm before he gets to me, pushing him away and then punches him. The homeless man falls to the ground. Blood dribbles out his nose to his dirty face, but that doesn't stop Joshua from moving to kick him.

"Joshua, stop," I call out.

He doesn't and his kick lands on the man's stomach. The man curls to protect himself, he looks dented.

"Stop. Stop it," I repeat, my voice louder, reaching Joshua.

He does, kicking a can next to the man's head instead.

"If you want to live you better be gone," Joshua says in a voice I've heard only since he became a human in the City.

I move to Joshua and put my hand on his chest. My hand lifts up and down as he pants in anger. I grab his hand.

"Let's go home now," I say close to tears.

"Rose," he pulls away, "we need to get back to work."

"No," I refuse, my face contorting with effort to hold back the tears beginning to leak from my eyes.

"Come on," he takes my hand and tugs me with him toward the cafe, "that was nothing."

"No, I want to go home," I'm beginning to breathe faster.

"We need money. We need rent, so we have a home to go to," Joshua reasons, "Come on."

But I don't move. "Let's go to the Forest," I say, "we don't need money there."

"Rose, please...I need you here. We need to work," Joshua is getting frustrated, "you're just scared."

"No, I can't stay here," I back away from Joshua, "I'll be waiting for you in the Forest."

Joshua lips are tight as he says, "Rose you can't be with me in the Forest."

"I know you won't be human, I don't care. You're forgetting the Forest! We haven't been back since you became human," I appeal and then beg, "please come back with me now, be a horse again."

Joshua runs his hands over his hair, "Rose, Rose listen," he comes to me and takes my shoulders, "you have to understand something. Do you trust me?" He says and looks in my eyes.

I'm mute.

"The Forest isn't real."

I pause, not knowing what to say. There's only one place to go, I call the Forest to me. The City begins to disappear, "If the Forest isn't real, then where am I going?" I call to Joshua as he fades away with the City.
The Forest: Rose

I've missed the Forest. I tried to remain only in the City, but I need the safety the Forest brings. Joshua will probably be right behind me. I wait outside for a long time, but he never comes.

A chunky chipmunk, on a twisted branch outside of the bedroom window, is chattering away to me from my place on the bed. I love to have his words in my head. His little pink mouth moves along with his scrambling thoughts. Chipmunks used to be an animal that I didn't enjoy talking to. Their thoughts are as quick and annoying as their jabbering squeaks. Now I am grateful to communicate with any animal.

I want to call out to my other forest friends from the green trees tops, but I'm afraid I'll scare them. They are used to my Forest self...the me that was innocent and knew of nothing, other than love and security. That's what the Forest provides.

The City stripped me of peace of mind, but gave me the romantic love with Joshua. _Ohhh, Joshua my love, what is happening to you_ , I ponder.

Maybe he's having a breakdown, having lost his horse identity. How can he forget the Forest and not want to come back?

I guess it isn't easy changing species.

_Ha_ , I snicker at how absurd that sentence sounds in my head.

How can I help him adjust when I feel I've lost as much as him. _Jasmine_. I adjust myself on the bed and the pillow cups my head as I sink away from the chipmunk's voice in my head, and turn, staring at the sky out the window. I search my mind for the old sweet, innocent me, but that me is not there.

I need Jasmine, she's my best friend, but I can't reach out to her. She doesn't approve of Joshua and me leaving, or living together. When I left with Joshua that day last year, I didn't think it would end our friendship.

I should have come back to the Forest sooner. I roll on my back in the bed, pull the sheet up around me, closing my eyes. Jasmine called and called after Joshua and I left, but I wouldn't answer. If we spoke, I was afraid she could convince me to go back to Papa's and Clara's. Finally she gave up calling, but sent texts. At first I responded, tried to reason with her, tried to get her to understand how we had grown apart and I needed Joshua. She said she'd never believe it's him, and then she stopped reaching out.

Now my thoughts shift to Joshua, he'd never been back to the Forest since becoming human. Or maybe, maybe he is here and I should go find him. Standing, I leave the room and run out the front door to the trees of the Forest. Past the clearing around the cottage, I think I see Joshua amidst the trees, and I'm about to call out to him...
The City: Rose

I watch the City form around me as I call out Joshua, and I'm right outside our apartment door. Joshua throws it open, wrapping his arms around me.

"I heard you call out my name, are you okay Rose?" He cups my face, taking a step away to look at me. "Come here," he says and leads me inside the door.

I come, confused. I didn't call the City to me. I let him lead me to the couch and sit next to him. Joshua looks at my face and kisses my lips.

"Why did you tell me the Forest isn't real? Why didn't you come, and why do want to forget our childhood there?" I ask pushing him away.

He's looking at me, eyes swollen, and says, "Right now I see pink creatures over your shoulder," he puts a hand on my shoulder, pointing,"dancing on the back of the couch. Maybe they're real, in some dimension, and the acid I took allows me to see them." He kisses me again and his face stays close to me.

"Acid?" I ask touching his cheek.

"It's...a drug Rose." Pushing me away he stands, "Sometimes talking to you is like speaking to a child!" His voice raises in frustration as he presses his fingers to his eyes.

"Joshua..." I begin my lip trembling.

Joshua looks at me, his eyes bloodshot, "Listen baby," he sits again. "The Forest is real to you, but it's not real to me. Accept that I'm a human, not some horse you knew in the Forest." He pulls me in close, and I entwine with him, laying my head in his lap. "Right baby?" his voice is soothing, "you can do that, right? And you'll stop visiting the Forest. You don't need it Rose. You have me, here in the City."

_He's high_ , I think too tired to respond. My eyes close and I know that I have to let go of the Forest part of Joshua. He doesn't act the same anymore. My breath deepens as Joshua strokes my hair, and I wonder why I wasn't born an animal. I make a great pet. Curled up and lying next to his warmth I fall asleep.

It is dark when I wake in our bed. Sometime during the night Joshua must have carried me here. The darkness doesn't hold the same blackness as night, it must be early morning. Often when we didn't have to wake early for work, I wake early on my own. I only fought for sleep when I knew my time would soon belong to a job. Jobs were one thing that I couldn't seem to get used to. Did anyone? Who wants to spend the better part of their day doing someone else's bidding?

I don't have to worry about that today. I take a long, very hot shower. My skin is slippery with oil as I pull on jeans from yesterday laying over the back of the couch.

Outside, dawn reveals itself to be a dead time in the City. I can almost believe I am the last person alive. Animals are up and about, and a skinny cat runs in front of me, glancing as it passes. Hi, my mind calls out to the cat, and no surprise it doesn't hear me, doesn't stop and neither do I. Today, I'm seeking Jasmine. It's time, even if she doesn't want to see me.

Positioning myself around the corner from Clara and Papa Joe's apartment, I wait. Nervous sweat is on the back of my neck, even though it's cold. The door opens finally, and Clara emerges dressed in her yellow reflective running gear.

Clara is beginning her stretching when I make myself visible. She looks toward my movement, squinting, face breaking into a smile. She comes to me, embraces me, kisses my cheek, then embraces me again. I giggle. She still lavishes affection like I'm a small child.

"Rose! It's been too long." Clara exaggerates.

"I saw you last week when you stopped by," I remind her.

Clara begins walking and I pace myself beside her.

"Clara, I want to see Jasmine today," I look down at the sidewalk as I say it, anticipating I won't like her response.

"She's not ready to see you yet Rose, but she's doing okay. She's getting her life together."

"Don't you think seeing me would help her."

"Rose, it's not that simple."

"Why? Why isn't it that simple? I don't understand, it's been almost a year." I know Jasmine best. I know what she needs. "Whatever is going on, seeing me would help her." My last words are both greedy and caring.

Clara takes my hand as she quickens her pace, "I'm not the one to explain what's going on. You are going to have to wait until Jasmine is ready to talk to you, but she's not ready yet."

Clara looks at me as we stop at a bench overlooking the river that flows to the edge of the City. I don't return her gaze as I fold myself on the wooden bench. I tell myself not to be weak, but I've already proven time and time again how fragile I am, and so I give up and let a few tears slip out. They are not noticed, as my expression never changes and I quickly push them into my motionless face.

"I just need her Clara and she needs me. Why is she doing this?"

Now the salty drops are noticeable, they fall fat, and warm onto my lap, coming too quick for me to wipe away. I look down until I am forced to look for some truth or hope in Clara's face. She gazes at me with pity.

"I need her Clara. Me choosing to be with Joshua shouldn't make her stay away forever...doesn't she care about me anymore?"

Wet warmth, pools at the soft, tender point between my collar bones. Clara's pale face is translucent as she sits silent beside me.

"Rose, do you really feel that way?" she finally speaks, turning to face me. "You and Jasmine have a special connection. She and the Forest are all you had before Papa Joe and I found you. A connection like that doesn't disappear, won't disappear. Be patient," she puts her hand on my head.

We sit silently, until the rising sun vanquishes my tears, leaving trails of fine salt, and I am shaking with emotion as I say, "I know I can fix this...whatever it is, I can make it better. You tell her that if she doesn't come to me, I'm coming to her." I stand.

"You can't Rose." Clara grabs my hand, pulling me back down, "Jasmine's not ready. Please trust me, I will tell you the moment that she is, but if you push too hard, you could ruin everything."

"Everything? What? What can I ruin?"

"She's looking for love."

I shrug, "I know, she was looking for love before Joshua became human, why does she think I'll ruin that? Or do _you_ think I'll ruin it?" Anger brings warmth to my face and I push my hands into my cheeks. "Selfish," I mutter.

"What?" Clara says leaning toward me.

"She's selfish," I say louder, and then soft again, "I would have been so happy if she found love." I look at the concrete below my feet, "Why isn't Jasmine happy for us, for me? All she did was push me away before Joshua. I thought it was because I didn't understand her search for love, but now I do and _still_ , she pushes me away."

Clara plays with her brown hair, most of which has escaped her ponytail. "She's finding a connection here in the City," she says explaining nothing.

"She's always had a connection to the City, without me." I say, watching Clara's long fingers twist and wrap strands around them, "I only tried to take her away from here. I wanted her, Joshua, and I all to be together." I shake my head, the tips of my black hair brushing my arms crossed in my lap. "Now we _are_ all together, and no one seems to be happy."

"Rose." Clara grabs my hand, "you were a big part of Jasmine's acceptance of the City. Now, she realizes it."

I don't say anything, thinking... _Clara's not making sense, what's she not telling me?_ I bite my lip. Stand, remove my hand from her, and stretch my arms in the wind.

Clara stands with me. "Why did you say no one seems to be happy? Are you and Joshua having problems?"

I shake my head. "We're not having problems. It's just...Joshua won't go with me to the Forest anymore."

"Did he ever, since he became human?" Clara watches me closely, I say nothing. "Jasmine can't go, maybe Joshua can't either. Maybe he's afraid to tell you," Clara says, and then words come out soft, almost to herself, "maybe after all this is done you won't need the Forest anymore Rose."

My teeth let go of my lip and words fall out, "It's all we had before you and Papa Joe."

"Yes," Clara catches my hand, "and now you have more. Everything you need is here in the City."

_But I don't have Jasmine_ , I think and stare at the water below us.
The City: Jas

Clara wasn't even sweaty when she came back from her run.

"You're lazy today." I comment, stretching my long legs, and crunch into an apple as I wait for my toast to pop up.

Clara doesn't answer, but smiles as she pushes my bare feet off the counter.

"They're clean," I contest, and look at the clock on the stove.

"Jas, we need to talk." Clara says, her back to me as she opens the fridge.

What have I done now? We already talked about the girls I supposedly use. "Clara I really want to have a heart to heart right now, but I'm going to be late for school." Jumping off the counter, I throw my apple core away.

Crouching next to my shoes, I tie them. Stand up, grab my toast, and begin spreading butter. Clara looks at me as I spread.

"Jasmine, if you're going to school, why aren't you taking your backpack?" A bit of 'I knew it' creeps into her voice.

I grab my hat, putting it on. Clara quickly steps in front of me, blocking me, "Jas please. This is important. It concerns Rose."

I look out the window. The City is below me.

"You miss Rose. You love her," Clara says, "she can't love you."

Turning to her I say, "True. She loves that dude." Taking off my hat, my right hand squeezes the bill. It warps in my palm like soft bones. "Why are you telling me this?"

"Because Jas, she's coming to you."

"And?" I say getting excited.

"And, like we've talked about. If you tell her you love her, out of loyalty she'd turn away from him."

_So_ , I think, _she would turn to me_.

• • •

Sun shines on my face as I walk down the street. I really am headed to school. I'm going to the show Kasey planned. I turn away, looking down. What good is a sun that provides no warmth? It's like a gigantic photo of the real thing. I miss the constant warmth of the Forest.

Kasey is outside the school totally looking the part of the ultra-cool manager. He even managed to pull off the sleazy aspect.

"Kasey, wow! You bringing back the jerry curl?" I laugh and punched him lightly in the arm.

"Absolutely! The fro has had its time in the limelight. This right here," he shook his head, "this is straight textured. Next big thing," he says and struts into the gymnasium.

I'm right behind him.

I may doubt his hairstyle, but Kasey knows the promoting game. He invited every big twitterer and blogger in the City. A lot of people here, but it does adhere to my grass roots clause. Kasey is _presenting_ my music to the public, not _pushing._

I take my place in the dark. At the center of the stage, my face is unseen. My silhouette is the only indication of me, but no one notices it at first.

Confused mumbles roll around in the air at this unplanned event. Students sit in the bleachers and on the floor. Teachers try to maintain order, but it is no use. Energy is in the air. Suddenly I am warm, flushed. I like this.

I don't how long I stand on the stage, but it is long enough for the volume of the gym to rise to an ear hurting level. It is then that Kasey counts me down through the mic in my ear. Images start slowly flickering on the screen behind me. I begin singing.

It is just my voice, my guitar, and my images. I begin softly. No one hears me. Not until the second verse. Suddenly, I am the only sound in the room. My voice builds, inviting the audience to share my story. I sing of love. Scream of loss. All the while, on my guitar, I strum a beat of hope.

The audience is lit by the images behind me.

It isn't possible, but I think I see Rose. Her dark hair and brown face seem to peek over the shoulders of two boys standing in the front. My yearning for her then broke my voice as I end the song. That's when Kasey puts a dim spotlight on me.

Looking away, I turn to the screen. Rose's face is there. She is the only audience I care about.

The lights come on. I face the audience. Only my classmate's and teacher's faces hold surprise. To the media I'm just another person trying to make it.

There is loud talking. No one claps. I toss my mic and ear mic to the floor.

Handing Kasey my guitar, I look for an exit.

"They loved it Jas...wait for it. I think they're in shock." Kasey murmurs to me.

"Jas!" Cindy/Candace screeches, appearing from the mass of bodies.

Kasey blocks her way as she jumps onstage. Her movement creates motion throughout the gym. Hands clap. Not slowly but quickly and loud.

I exit the gym.

• • •

My eyes flash open. I'm at the park. When did I close my eyes? How did I get here?

This is the playground where Papa Joe and Clara found us. We were playing here when they came...but...I don't know...no, no that's wrong. We weren't here. We had just fallen out of the Forest, through whatever barrier we had to pass, into the City. Rose was on the ground when they found us.

Pain in my head falls over my thoughts, forcing my eyes shut.

I remember Joe and Clara finding us, but in one memory we're playing in the City park, the other I'm flying in the Forest sky.

I want to be with Rose. I have to go to the Forest. I feel the pull of it.

The park falls aw...
The Forest: Jasmine

No...the park _starts_ to fall away, but the picture is unsteady. It's the park still, now it looks like the Forest. Relief fills me, but then it's the park again. I rub my eyes.

Finally, it's just the Forest.

"Jasmine."

Rose is sitting on the cottage steps in front of me, calling my name.
The City: Rose

After leaving Clara in the morning, I wander the City, trying to calm myself.

I find myself back in front of Clara and Papa Joe's apartment, not waiting anymore. I run up to their apartment, where Jasmine should be, and slip in quietly. I feel like an intruder, I hear Papa's voice coming from Clara's studio. His voice is encapsulated within the room, but I respond to what sounds like my name, creeping closer to the closed door.

The words are hushed, and I hear my name again followed by Jasmine's. Half words emerge, but they make no sense, so I step closer pressing my warm ear to the wood. It sounds hollow and I try to readjust. The floor squeaks and the murmurs soften behind the door. Suddenly, I am irrationally afraid.

I stay rooted to the floor as the door opens revealing Papa and Clara. We stare at one another.

"What did you hear Rose?" Papa asks.

• • •

I arrive sweating and gasping for air at our high school, pushing open the front doors I stride into the halls.

Why am I here? I don't remember coming, or why I came. Where is everyone? All the classrooms are empty and it is quiet in the halls. I haven't been to school in a year, and now I'm wandering the halls crying. Why am I crying? I was going to try and wait for Jasmine, but I saw Papa and Clara, and...did they ask me to leave? Is that why I'm crying?

There's no one anywhere, and I begin think, _maybe there is no school today_? I wipe at my tears, feeling defeated. Aimlessly I walk the school thinking, _I should go home to Joshua._

Why did I come here? Jasmine...I must have come to find her.

• • •

Standing outside the school, I look at the sky. Clouds are moving across it, but it's sunny, there is cold wind blowing my hair, and with it comes a sound. I hear Jasmine's voice coming from the gym, and so I follow the sound. The gym doors are locked, but I'm certain I hear Jasmine inside.

Running back to the front of the school, I enter that way and run back to the gym.

Inside it is dark, and the entire student body is inside watching, listening. I see a silhouette onstage, standing in front of a screen. It sounds like Jasmine, and the images behind the silhouette are of me. Not an obvious version, I'm distorted, but I recognize myself.

Exhausted, I push my way to the front and stand behind two boys. Closer, I can see a more defined outline of the dark outline on stage. _Is it Jasmine_? I think, but the girl turns before I can see her clearly.

I am drawn to the songs words, and drop to the floor, cross legged, and close my eyes to fully listen. This music is beautiful, haunting acoustic punk, with a deep bass that matches the thudding of my own heart. Her words strike me again, these are love songs. It isn't just love, it's pain. The girl turns to face the pictures as the music ends. This girl is singing love songs to me, my image, I realize.

Lights come on.
The Forest: Rose

I wait for her to come here, left the City the moment I knew. We don't belong there. Her love for me belongs here in the Forest. I know she'll come. And then here she is.

"Jasmine," I say.

She looks at me, unsure for a moment, then says, "It's Jas."

"Jazz? What?"

"It's Jas now, not Jasmine."

She walks to me.

She is an arm's length away, and I reach out to touch her arm.

"I was there Jasmi...Jas, at the school. I heard you sing, and you were...amazing."

My words are a whisper and Jasmine...Jas leans close to hear me, or maybe just to be near me. I look up at her, stepping closer. Her hand reaches, cupping my neck, moving up into my hair. The other encircles my waist, firm on my lower back crushing me into her.

I lift myself onto my toes, so my lips can reach hers.

Do I want this? It's too late to wonder, my body's taken over.
The Forest: Jas

It's a dream, a wish come true and everything in between. I draw her to me. My lips catch hers, sucking, gathering her in. Petals, satin to my lips. Her hair falls like black water through my fingers.

Together we fall to the ground.

I cradle her head to the soft, jade carpet of nature beneath us. Looking past the color of her dark eyes, I make sure she is seeing me, and not imagining someone else. Under her gaze is confusion. I touch her round chest, and she arches to me. Her eyes are closed now. We'll be fine.
The Forest: Rose

Waking next to Jasmine, in our old room, is...and isn't... like a memory. How many times have we woken up together? As children? Sharing a bed like this. As teenagers? Together, in the City, the room divided. But now, right at the edge of adulthood, being intimate, it's different. Did we make love, and if we did what does that make us now?

I tiptoe to the bathroom, and stare at myself. Hair disheveled, I expect my face to be different, changed, but I still look like me. I shouldn't, not with the things I now know.

_Jasmine loves me, is in love with me,_ I briefly think and watch my expression radiate happiness.

• • •

Teeth clean and hair damp from the shower, I throw back on the t-shirt I had on yesterday and come back to bed to wake Jasmine.

"Jasmine," I say close into her ear, my fingers touch her pinkish lips, "Jas I mean," I correct myself as I smooth back her short light curls. The longer part, over her cheek, is starting frizz, and she smells like the men's cologne she now wears. It's different, as children she used to smell like dirt, last year like the bar soap she used.

I could kiss her, but my lips feel tender and swollen from last night. Her brown eyes slit open for a second, before her black lashes settle back on her cheek.

She murmurs and stretches, "Hmmmm. I'm hungry. Let's go down and see what the kitchen has made us.

The kitchen table is covered with bowls of berries, nuts, and fresh baked bread with thick slabs of butter. It is just like when we were young. Except, instead of milk there is one cup of tea, and one of coffee.

"Wait," Jasmine says, still standing on the last step of the stairs her foot dangles, "I need a quick shower. You start to eat," she smiles before running back up the stairs two at a time.

Alone in the kitchen, I wander around the table trying to make sense of my thoughts. Grabbing two ceramic white plates I began to serve us, while Jasmin...Jas..., I gotta get used to calling her that, begins singing in the bathroom. Her voice is husky, but childlike as it drifts down the stairs into the kitchen. She never used to sing in the morning. Still, I found her crankiness enduring back then. I was her best friend, a little crankiness was nothing, and I always had Joshua. What are she and I now? What are Joshua and I?

Jasmi...Jas's melody is catchy, she must be happy. I should be happy too, I'm with her in the Forest...but I don't know how I feel. My mind wanders away from her, and goes to Joshua.

It has been with me all morning, the image of him worried about me, thinking about me, loving me, but I don't know how to keep her and not lose him. Or keep him and lose her. I know this can't end well.

My feelings for her are the same as Joshua... _no_ , but I don't think they should be. I just know I missed her for so long, and now I don't.

I'm standing at the sink, staring down the drain. It's a long dark hole, and I wonder why the cottage even has a drain? Or a sink? Dirty dishes disappear, they're not washed. I turn on the hot water tap, letting it warm my fingers. It's for us, I realize. The sink, the drain, the Forest is for us. Everything that's here is what we expect to be here. Something created a perfect place for Jas and me.

Jas comes from behind me and pushes my hair away from my neck to replace it with her lips, they're hot and a little dry. I turn away from her kiss, put my wet hands between us, drying them against my shirt. She catches them, pressing her lips to mine, and I pull away.

"I've got to think," I excuse myself and head outside. Then turn around walking back, "Jas, what happened, I mean you used to act like I was such a bother, and now suddenly you love me?"

"It didn't just happen," she looks hard at me, "I've been in love with you. I was going to tell you..." she stops and comes next to me, hugging me to her, and says into my hair, "last year, when I lay in bed with you and... _him_. Before I knew he was there. I was going to tell you."

She should have told me before then, long before, but I know it wouldn't have changed where we're at now. I think I'm in love with her. I've been in love with Joshua.

"It's okay," I say, grabbing her hand as I step back, "I would have always had to choose, no matter when you told me Jasmine." I look at her because I know those words hurt, and I want to take as much of the hurt as I can.

"What are you talking about?" Jas asks, "You do choose me. That's why you're here with me," the words are a statement.

"No, I..." I stop talking, unable to make a sentence because I don't know what to say..

"No?" Jas's cheeks are flushed and her eyes slits, "What are you saying? You don't love me?"

I look into her angry eyes, "I do...and I love him," I finally force the words out.

"I'm not going to be your side bitch," Jas says and turns away dropping my hand.

And just like that, she's gone. I'm alone in the Forest.
The City: Jas

Why did I do that? Leave Rose alone in the Forest?

I'm in our park. The park is in a bad neighborhood. Still a family picnics ten feet away as I appear. They barely acknowledge me.

Or Rose.

She's come from the Forest right behind me. Quickly I crouch behind a bush.

Maybe she's looking for me, I hope.

She doesn't even look around for me as she walks in the direction I know she and Joshua live. The picnic family eats their hotdogs, glancing at Rose as she passes. It blows my mind how they act like we didn't just appear from nowhere. I look at them as I step from the bush and follow Rose.

As I follow, I grit my jaw to hold back tears. I don't cry. Even if I'm going to lose her to Joshua I won't cry.

We walk, me far behind. Soon the park opens to the bad part of the City. Finally she leaves me, going where I can't follow. Up the steps of a dilapidated apartment building, Rose goes to Joshua.

• • •

The streets are loaded with cars and bikes as I walk to Kasey's. Loud honking, screaming, and laughter fills the air. I try to lose myself in those sounds. I don't want to hear my thoughts.

I feel disoriented as my voice is in the mix of the sounds of the City.

Closing my eyes, I clearly hear myself singing. Looking around I try to find the source...a car? Establishment? Building? That's not possible. Nothing's been released. The sound is above me. I look up, and there I am. A digital image of me performing at my school, is projected onto the side of the building.

Most people aren't paying attention. A few, very few, are looking. Their heads nod. One very young boy is dancing. Lowering my head I smile and stick my hands in my pockets. Hope in Rose and myself suddenly restored.

Rose loves me, I _know_ it.

"Where have you been?" Kasey asks as I step through his door. "If you weren't my prodigy project, I would be pissed." Kasey sternly looks at me.

He's all talk.

I ignore the question. "Am I an icon yet?"

Walking to his fridge I inspect it for food. Old take out Chinese food sits on the top shelf...it'll do. I grab a fork and lean on his counter scooping cold noodles into my mouth.

I feel like I haven't eaten in days.

"Almost..." Kasey responds watching me eat, "but if fame is what you want, then you have to stick around. You can't disappear with every girl that catches your fancy."

I slurp a noodle in and make a peace offering, "I have half a new song."

Kasey smirks and says, "Eat up, let's get to work." He nods toward the studio.

"You don't want to wait for the other half," I ask, but put down the noodles.

"Please," he scoffs, "artists never know when their work is done. That's why they have managers."

The studio smells like cleaner. Kasey is a little OCD, but I don't mind today because my sweat stinks. It's the smell of being uneasy, that's as close to fear as I get. My worry lies in knowing Rose might choose Joshua.

In front of the microphone, I wait. Kasey points to me, through the glass, and I sing...

Words

have let me down, down

You heard my heart

I don't

have yours

It doesn't have to

Be this way

When you close your eyes

I say

Hopelessly

Wanting

Life's fallen down

Helplessly

Needing

Life's fallen down

Come, come, come

Come save

me now

Come, come, come

Come save

me now

Strong

I am so so strong

I wasn't there

I am now

It doesn't have to

Be this way

When you close your eyes

I say

Hopelessly

Wanting

Life's fallen down

Helplessly

Needing

Life's fallen down

I'll come, oh I'll come

And save

You now

I'll come, oh I'll come

And save

You now

Save you...

I'll save you now

Save you

You won't fall down

_I won't let this be the end of us_ , I think, finally leaving the studio.

Kasey is already waiting for me to emerge. Holding out water he says, "Sounds like a full song to me."
The City: Rose

Joshua's not home. He must be working the late shift at the café.

I sit waiting for him, but I'm getting too anxious, and so I run as fast as I can to the cafe. I'm gasping when I get there, and pause to catch my breath in the doorway. Joshua passes me, see's me, and stops.

His eyes grow wide and then smaller in anger. He pushes the dishes he is carrying onto the nearest table and takes long strides out to me.

"Why did you leave?" Joshua asks, grabbing me to him, squeezing.

His embrace doesn't help my need for air and I push him away.

"Wait...one sec...ran..."

He angrily paces in front of me, watching me gasp for air.

Finally throwing up his hands he says, "What the fuck Rose. This is really fucked up, I thought we had something."

"I'm sorry," I say, my heart is pounding, and I'm afraid that I've messed things up. I reach for him, my hand on his chest. Being near him, I feel a longing.

"Why did you leave?" He looks at me accusingly.

"I was just in the Forest and...I was there with Jas."

Shaking me off, he clenches his fists. "Who the hell is Jazz?"

"It's Jasmine," I touch his chest again.

Breathing out hard, Joshua looks away, and chokes out, "You are one fucked up chick. I'm done." Turning, he begins to walk away.

"No, please," I grab his hand. _Let him go,_ a part of me thinks.

Joshua whirls to face me. "Why?"

I say the truth, "I missed her."

We turn to a sharp tap on the window. our boss is glaring at Joshua from inside. Noticing me, he shakes his head while looking from me to Joshua. Joshua gives a sharp nod to him, before turning back to me.

"I'm fired?" I ask though it's the least important thing to me right now.

"Yep. Go back to the apartment that we soon won't be able to afford, and wait for me. I'll come right after my shift."

My stomach is in knots. I pull on my sleeves so they cover my hands and turn to leave.

"Rose," Joshua calls out, "don't leave anywhere with Jasmine, just wait. Promise."

"I won't leave, I promise."

• • •

Trying not to think, I slink into our apartment. It's dark but I don't reach for the light, instead I turn on the TV, it shines and blinks in my face as I try to watch. I need Joshua, I need Jasmine...Jas.

On the screen an old throwback TV show plays, a commercial of a horse in a field, kind of like Joshua and the field in the Forest. It's from long ago, when Jas and I found the City. It consoled me then, as I tried to adjust to Clara and Papa Joe, to our new surroundings.

I remember that for days, while I healed from my fall, I would wait in front of the TV for the commercial to play, and then I would frantically try and draw the horse. I couldn't remember the Forest and I had forgotten Joshua too. I must have remembered it a little, because I badly wanted to have the horse image on tv to hold within my little fist and look at whenever I chose. I just ended up with piles of badly drawn stick horses.

"That is a beautiful horse Rose. Do you know a horse like the one you're drawing?" Clara asked me, after watching me draw one day.

I shook my head no, and curved around my drawing protectively hiding it from her. I pointed to the television, the commercial playing. It seems so silly now that I was scared of sweet Clara. She had picked up my other drawings and looked through them.

"It seems like you might have had a horse that looks just like the black one in the commercial. Maybe that horse made you feel happy?" Clara moved my drawing along the floor, like it was trotting, and smiled at me, "I think if you tell me a story about that horse, it would make you feel safe right now," she leaned a little closer to me and I moved back from her. She spoke again, "I'll start, maybe you might have met this horse in a forest. Grown up with it..."

_Why am I remembering this now,_ I wonder, and press my palms to my eyes, _I don't like it,_ I began to breathe heavy as I wait for Joshua.

I remember Jasmine and I couldn't remember the Forest when we first came to the City. Papa says it is because we were traumatized. I move shifting on the couch, I hadn't thought of this in years. Clara helped me remember the Forest. Her words brought me back to a Forest memory... _my breath is slowing as I remember_ ... when I was a baby and Joshua's horse nose nudged me and he thought, _mine_. I remember reaching to grasp his hair. He was with me and Jasmine as we were crawling in the cottages, toddling through the Forest, running in the Forest fields. I remembered that Jasmine and I had grown up in the Forest. Jasmine was playing in the other room, and I had ran to her to remind her.

Leaning back onto the couch, I feel sleepy.

• • •

"Did you see my family in the Forest?" Joshua asks as he burst through the front door.

He sounds jolly. Coming close to me I smell the alcohol on him.

My forehead creases as I ask, "Why were you drinking?"

"I had one beer baby," he flops on the couch, "why are _you_ getting all mad. _You_ left _me_ for days;" Now he's pouting.

"I didn't see your family," I say softly, eyes down, moving closer to his dark arm.

"Shocking," his voice is condescending.

"I'm sorry I didn't see them," I say quickly, "I was reconnecting with Jas."

Taking a deep breath, Joshua closes his eyes. Eyes open, he seems more sober as he reaches into the space between us and pulls me to him. I allow him, because...because I do.

"It's okay, I know that you and Jasmi..."

"Jas." I interrupt.

Annoyance fills his face, but his voice is even as he says, "I know you've missed her," and his hands are gentle, smoothing down my hair and touching my cheek and I lay my head on his thick shoulder.

"Along with the Forest, Jas is..." I begin.

"All you had before coming to the City, I know," Joshua finishes.

I hear the taunting in his voice and pull away from him, but he almost picks me up, gently, until I'm sitting on his lap, and looks into my eyes.

"I'm just showing you that I know you, Rose. I know how you think, what you're going to say. I'm here for you even when you leave me. Why did you leave? Aren't you happy with me?" His expression is sad, the clench of his jaw accentuates it. I'm ashamed that I betrayed him.

I kiss him, trying to take away the pain I've caused. One kiss turns into many, leaving no breath in between. Jasmine was a mistake.

• • •

Sunlight crawls through the cracks of my sleepy eyes. _No_ , I think, _I don't want day here._

I turn onto my back thinking, _if Jasmine and I could go back to being best friends, and I could stay together with Joshua, would I accept that?_

Joshua isn't next to me, I hear him in the kitchen. He's probably mad that I wouldn't go beyond making out with him.

Rolling out of bed, I hunch my shoulders slightly and clasp my hands over my heart. I feel vulnerable knowing anything could happen today. I sit on the bed, and then curl back into it pulling the blankets on top of me. I lay still, warm beneath them, thinking. Why did it matter who I was with? It seemed I loved them both. Throwing the covers off I stride into the kitchen.

"Joshua, I'm going to see Jas."

Joshua turns to look at me, quiet, bare-chested, standing in the kitchen in a pair of shorts, a spatula in one hand.

I smile at him, "Smells good," and come next to him putting my head on his shoulder. "you're so sweet Joshua."

He puts down the spatula, turning to me, and rests his hands on my hips.

"I love you." He kisses my forehead. "I would do anything for you. Let's eat, and then we'll go somewhere."

"Where?"

"You'll see."

• • •

I don't recognize the car that we get into, but I don't question where it came from. Often when we need things, Joshua has ways of getting them. I guess today we need a car.

I look out the window as we ride through the City. When we are at the edge of the big buildings, I see the sun big and bright, highlighting the nature that lays beyond the City..

. "Where is this?" I ask Joshua.

"We're right outside of the City." He looks at me, the car paused at a stop sign, "You've never seen this have you?"

Thoughts jump in and out of my mind too fast for me to focus on them. I look in the rearview mirror at my reflection. My dark skin looks pale and I wonder what Jas is doing right now. My hands lay in my lap picking at one another, fitful over my choice to come with Joshua.

Joshua puts his large hand over both, stopping their motion, and says, "We're going to the Valley." I stay quiet and Joshua speaks softer, "Rose look at me. I'm going to help you, I'll always help you. You're my girl. It's time to remember."

I don't know what he's talking about, but his voice puts me at ease and his words flood my heart. Loosening my seatbelt, I lay my head on his shoulder, and kiss his neck. He smells like the air of the City. He never smells like the Forest anymore.

Straightening away from him, I look out my window as he pulls back on the road. Occasionally, green trees stand and stoop alongside the road, twisted flowers gather in bunches at their base. It's like the trees are afraid to be alone, and need colorful petal groupies. The window pane is cold against my temple, as I lean against it. Joshua's hand is on my knee now, but it occasionally lifts to touch my neck and shoulder. He is tender with me, and more attentive than he has been in months. I wonder if he knows I am trying to decide who to give my love to. My eyes close for a moment and sleep curls around them smashing them shut. It feels so good to give into sleep.

• • •

I stretch out of sleepiness, the Valley surrounds the car. Spring does not have cement holding it back here, and it is crawling over everything, catching my sneaker, brushing my bare ankles as I step from the car. There is nothing here, except a house, fields, and big trees lining the driveway where I stand. Where is Joshua?

Dust from the road swirls up to me as I walk, my dirt companions sticking to my skin, my clothes. The door to the house is open. I don't hesitate entering the doorway, but I do call out.

"Joshua," my voice is louder than normal as I enter the house.

It's a country home, not unlike the cottage of the Forest, and I like it. Brushing the dust from myself, a small pile gathers on the gray and black designed clay under my feet.

"Joshua?" I call into the house again, waiting, taking off my shoes.

Going further into the house, I round a corner and gasp surprised. Joshua is right in front of me, staring at pictures that cover the wall and mantle.

"Joshua!" I say to him happily, bouncing over and smiling. His face is away from me as I speak, he doesn't turn, "Are you okay?" I step closer, touching his back, "hey."

"Rose," he finally turns to me, "I'm not who you think or even maybe what you want, and when you understand that you might not want to see me anymore."

Coming close to him I reach up and put my hand against of his cheek, but he ducks away from me.

"Just listen, listen to what I have to say," he requests putting his head low.

"Okay," I say taking my hand back, stepping away.

"When you are young, and there is no one to care for you" he says, finding my eyes with his, "you find ways of caring for yourself. There is always something unattended that can be taken, and sold," he looks away again, "but this story is not about me in those times because they're gone," I stand in front of him.

"Joshua," I plead, "I don't know what you're talking about. In the Fore..."

"I was never in the Forest!" Joshua grabs my hand. "The Forest isn't real."

My head is throbbing suddenly, and I back away, "Stop...stop. What are you saying? I don't understand."

"Rose," Joshua says, his eyes are looking at me, but they're not focusing, "I want to explain, but...I couldn't tell you the truth without taking a little something. The guy said this would make me brave, but I don't feel brave," he's rambling, "I'm...I'm," his voice cracks and his eyes fill with tears.

I've never seen him cry, immediately I'm ashamed at my outburst.

"I'm sorry, sorry. Come, sit." Taking his hand, I lead him over to the couch, and he's sobbing now. His long dark legs curled up, chest rolled over them, hands tucked between.

_What have I done? Or what has he done?_ I sit on the floor in front of him as he sobs on the couch. Rising to my knees, I encircle him with my arms. "Just tell me what you took."

A finger points to the shelf by the pictures and I see the needle. These aren't the usual drugs he takes. My stomach twists. I need help, someone to him help. My fingers search my pockets, I need a phone. Where are our cells? Mine's not on me, and so I reach into Joshua's pants...nothing.

"Joshua, where are our phones?" I ask getting frantic, standing.

"Threw them out on the road," his voice answers me, muffled by the couch cushions he laid himself out on.

Scanning wildly around the living room, I look for a landline, "no phone," I say falling to my knees.

Joshua speaks, "it's okay Rose." His eyes are closed. "Go to the Forest with me."

"What if the Forest can't heal you?" I ask laying my head on his chest.

His eyes struggle to stay open. "Listen, this is important Rose. Go to the Forest, and ask me to tell you the truth about who I am."

My head is throbbing, and I start seeing dark spots in my vision."I won't let anything happen to you Joshua, I promise," I say giving into darkness.
The Forest: Joshua

I'm dying.

We're dying?

Not you. Me.

I want Rose to hold me, but now I am too big for her.

She looks down at me with a face of nothingness. There is no expression, no hurt or fear, and that puts me at ease. I can think what I need to, to her face as it holds the possibility of seeing something profound and not settling into the horror this situation presents.

I am leaving this.

Don't leave.

Not you. This.

I don't understand?

Ask me and I will explain.

Why? What do I ask?

You know.

Rose is crying now and hitting me, us. She finally asks.

Okay, tell me.

I was never here. It was always you. You made me.

Rose grabs my big head, but then she is holding the crown of her own and I am looking with her at me. I don't even know who I am or why I'm saying what I am to Rose. I don't want to die.

Joshua! Don't go! Don't die! Don't leave! I need you. You are here now and you've always been here...except when you're in the City. If you die, I'll be alone here and in the City.

No. You won't be alone. It's always been just you Rose. I never existed.

But the Forest, the Forest is real.
The Valley: Rose

Panic is thumping in me as I open my eyes. "Joshua!" I jump up and into him knocking him back. I throw my arms around him, "you're here, alive! How did that happen?" Over his shoulder the window shows a weak light, morning.

Joshua backs up and cups one hand under my face, forcing my gaze to him. His thumb follows my cheek, and he shrugs. I stare up at him, finally my mind slowing down enough to see him, really see him, and he looks like shit.

"I don't know. I woke up, threw up, and felt worse than I ever have for the night, but I lived."

I begin to cry now. "Are you okay? Let's go to the hospital and make sure you're okay," I plead with my hand on his chest.

"No. If I go into the hospital I'm going to be in big trouble." His arms go around me. I calm down just focusing on his voice, "I might get arrested. I'm fine. I promise."

I hesitate, my fingers curl around the neckline of his t-shirt.

"You need to believe in me like I do you," he tells me softly and reassuring.

My head hangs in defeat. There is very little in my world to believe in now.

I need to see the Forest, we need to see it.

"We have to go back to the Forest," I tell Joshua, "now, right now!"

I call the Forest to us.
The Forest: Rose

Here is emptiness. There is no Forest, no ground, no sky, nothing.

I remember Joshua said the Forest was real, where is it? But he said something else...
The Valley: Rose

The ground under my feet is the first thing I'm aware of, the second Joshua. He is beside me on the floor, his hand holding mine. I squeeze his fingers and he looks from the spot on the floor he was staring at, to me.

"Joshua, I don't understand," my head is foggy as I sit up and cross my legs, "the Forest is gone," I say feeling defeated, "but you told me it was real."

Joshua continues to search my face, for what I don't know. Finally he speaks, "What else did I say to you when you went to the Forest?"

My forehead wrinkles, and a headache is beginning, "I don't know.

His hand rubs the bristle curls on his head. "You do remember," he insists.

Reaching to me and pulling my hand like I am a child, we stand.

"Joshua?" I say hoping to get a response, but he ignores me and leads me to a room upstairs that must belong to the male teenager of this house. He lays me down carefully on my back, on the bed, under a poster of a sports car.

"Joshua," I say again, and hear the childishness of my tone.

He must hear it too, because he gets in bed with me and holds me as he answers. His tone is very soft, "Rose. I am not Joshua. The Forest is not real."

"You are Joshua! Stop talking crazy! The drugs have made you insane!" I'm screaming now and pushing him away.

He pulls me back to him, "Shhhh Rose, shhhh...I'm sorry, I started too fast." He holds me to him until I'm not gulping for air. "Good, breathe deep. It's all okay." He strokes my hair. "Let's start again. I'm trying to tell you something Rose, about me and my life here. I need you to hear me and accept what I'm saying." He eases away from me, lightly holding me with his arms. "Can you do that?"

I just stare at him.

"I never lived in your Forest. I have never been a horse..." his voice catches in his throat as he tries to stop a chuckle. I hear and pull away. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry baby, that was just a statement I never thought I'd say before I met you." He kisses my forehead. "You need to know that I love you Rose. I won't leave you, I never would leave you," his voice settles as I move closer beside him, "I almost died yesterday, or as close as I've ever come. I don't know why I was given another chance, but I'm not fucking this chance up." He leans back. "Sit up Rose. Look at me."

I do and wait.

"My name isn't Joshua and there is no Forest. You don't go anywhere Rose. You just close your eyes and look like you're dead most the time when you think you're in the Forest." He's carefully gauging my reaction, but I don't react. I know he's wrong. "When you do move, you walk like a zombie, a sleepwalker to the bathroom and stuff. Joe hired me the day I met you. Hired me to watch over you, but Rose I fell in love with you that very first night, even though I was pretty sure you were crazy."

My mouth is open, and the hum in my head is loud. I stand, walking to the wall across from where he sits on the bed. I fall against the wall. "Please stop talking," I say quietly.

"Rose, you need t..."

"I said stop! Shut up!" I yell at him, looking down as my eyes fill with tears.

I hear his footsteps as he stands and walks over next to me. I see his bare feet stop near me.

"Don't...touch...me," I say, and my words are broken up with the effort I'm using to stop the wave of emotion from rendering me helpless to it.

Joshua stands beside me. "Rose, please, don't do this. This is going to be hard to hear, but I'll help you through it." He touches my arm. "I love you."

I jerk my arm away. "Stop saying that. I don't want your love. I don't need it." I stand. "Leave me alone. I remember what you said...you said the Forest was real, but you weren't." I'm angry as I continue talking, "You said you weren't real, that you were me..." I'm so sad as I realize Joshua, or whoever this guy is, has truly never been the Joshua I thought he was. "I don't know who you are, but you've been lying all this time! I want you to leave me alone."

Carefully I walk around him, leaving him looking at his hands.

Going downstairs, I call the Forest to me.
The Forest: Rose
The Valley: Rose

I thought I left him for the Forest, but I don't go anywhere.

No matter how many times I call the Forest to me, it won't come. I know the Forest is real, why won't it come? I need to get to the City, to Jasmine. She knew he wasn't Joshua! She tried to tell me and I need to get back to her. Together we'll find the way back to the Forest.

Scanning the living room, I search for the car keys. The keys are here somewhere. I know, I put them here yesterday.

That seems too long ago, world's ago.

The keys are on the floor under the black coffee table. Reaching, I grab them, and then move to the front door.

"Rose," he calls from upstairs.

I don't answer, I'm headed to Jasmine.

As I walk through the front door, he grabs me from behind. Not harshly, a gentle caress. I feel myself caving into familiarity.

"You're blocking something Rose. I don't know exactly what happened to you, but you have to try and remember. Most your life has been spent in a dream. Wake up. The Forest isn't real baby," he turns me to him, "it's not real, but I am. I'm not Joshua, Joshua is not real. I am, I'm here. Come back inside."

Pushing him away, I run out the door to the car, and jump inside. He can't follow me, fast enough. Can't follow me at all, he's too weak after his overdose. I pause momentarily, worry for him fills my heart. Then I remember his lies, and leave him looking like death sitting on the front steps.

I've never driven, but know the idea of the basics. Pushing my foot on the break, I turn the key. The engine's on, and I take my foot off the brake, the car immediately starts to roll. Quickly, I push in the brake bringing the car to sudden halt, and I'm thrown forward. Panicking, I reach for my seatbelt, then drop it and turn the car off. Locking all the doors, I barricade myself in the car.

The Valley falls away, but nothing replaces it. I'm surrounded by darkness.
The City: Jas

Too long has passed since I've seen Rose. Okay, it's just been a few days. I don't want to believe that she has chosen Joshua.

I've spent most my time at Kasey's house, writing. Kasey is pleased to see me producing songs.

"Girl, we're going to have another album by next week!"

I don't respond. My thoughts flow into another line of verse, folding into the chorus, climbing up to the bridge.

"Well now don't let me disturb you." his grin is wide as he fingers his slippery hair. "You and me...we're going all the way baby cakes. All. The. Way."

I take a sip of the coffee he has brought me. His greasy fingerprints are all over the "to go" cup like an amateur criminal.

"Hey Kasey," I make eye contact, "you know I appreciate your attempt at bringing back the 'jerry curl.' "

"Ya do, do ya now...whoa!" His spunk is accentuated with a toss of his hair, grease droplets fly.

"Yep, but," I've already lost his attention to the James Brown dance he's doing across the living room, "Kasey the brilliance of your curls are taking away from the beauty of your face."

He pauses in front of the mirror, pushing back his liquid curls, pawing at his face.

"Oh shit girl, you're right! You know, the coffee barista said something too, but I thought he was just trying to get in my pants. It is decided! I'm shaving it off!" Turning this way and that in the mirror strengthens his decision. "Yep, it's time to let the face get the credit it deserves."

Walking past him I catch my own reflection. I haven't taken the time to straighten my hair and it is, in its own pale version, a fro. My t-shirt hangs loose and my jeans are too long almost covering my bare feet. My eyes are dark with pain. I've embraced the grunge look of the 90's.

• • •

Outside, the hood of my sweatshirt obstructs my side perception. I don't see the guy, pretending to be Joshua, until he's an obstacle in my path.

"Jasmine or Jas...whatever, umm... you need to come with me."

"I don't _need_ to do anything," I tell him.

He shuffles a little on the pavement and looks up into the sky, the sun catching his face. Wow, he looks awful.

"You look horrible," I say, suddenly fearing the worst. "Is Rose okay, where is she?

"No, she's not okay. Something has happened and she needs you. I thought I could help her, fix her, but I can't." He looks away from me.

"What do you need to fix?" I ask. "She was fine when I left her," I say accusingly.

I push my hands into my pockets to stop from punching his shitty looking face.
The Valley: Jas

Joshua doesn't say anything to me as we drive. I wonder where he got such a nice car.

"Did you steal this?"

My voice holds a joking manner. I'm not joking.

He ignores my question replying instead, "What did you and Rose do in the Forest?"

I ignore him this time.

The exchange has opened some level of communication.

"Jas, you seem less...dreamy I guess, than Rose." He glances over at me. "You must know there is something off about the Forest."

I shrug. Where's he going with this?

" _You_ know the Forest isn't real. Don't you?" he presses, glancing at me quickly as he drives. "How do you go there? There is nowhere to go."

My head begins to hurt.

"I need a coffee. Pull over at that gas station."

The station is quite attractive and quaint, like a little round grandma. It is surrounded by wild flowers and little else. I see no one has done anything to the outside of the building for far too long. Blue paint cracks all the way up the walls. The gas doesn't have a brand or familiar logo, it just says gas, like it's got nothing to prove.

Inside is more modern, but only in the products they carry. The cases and shelves must have come from the time of soda fountains and black and white technology. The boy, my guess barely fourteen, working behind the counter doesn't look up as I set the coffee in front of him.

"Two-fifty," he holds out his hand still not glancing up.

_Shit,_ I think, _can I get a little eye contact as you financially rape me over a little caffeine?_

Maybe feeling my hostility, he glances up and actually smiles at me.

"Is it you?"

"Yep, me," I say, "that's who I am."

He looks at me suspiciously and comes from around the counter. Holding out his phone, the ear buds dangle. It's YouTube, part of Kasey's "grass roots" campaign I'm sure. The screen shows a video of me singing in front of the school, he compares.

"Uh," he's lost interest now, "I don't know, you look too normal."

Is there such a thing as too normal?

"That's not me," I agree, and grab my coffee.

The boy's face reforms to boredom as I turn to leave. No longer looking at me he makes his way back behind the counter.

Joshua is outside of the car, staring at nothing.

As I approach he asks, "Do you think the Forest is real or not?" He pursues the question like an addict.

"Not here," I tell him, motioning for him to get in the car.

Once in the car, he starts again, "What do you know about the Forest?"

"What is the obsession with the Forest? You came from it just like us," I look at him smirking, "right?"

"No I fucking didn't! You know that! Neither did you," his voice is powerful with insistence, "I'm not from any Forest." He flips on music, low, a soundtrack to his words, "I'm from the streets of the City. I'm a thief and I did steal this car, in fact I broke into the house that Rose is at right now."

"How could you leave Rose alone?" My voice raises, "What if someone comes back?"

If I could, I would smack him now, but I need him to get to Rose. I gulp my coffee. I've never believed that he is Joshua, and the Forest...there are inconsistencies.

"No one is coming back. I do my research, and they're on vacation for months. I know this family, they almost adopted me, but then I fucked it up."

"So you're some delinquent from the City." My sneaker rests on the dash. "Why did you or how did you know about Joshua and the Forest?"

His hands tighten on the steering wheel and his forearm is tense with contracted muscle.

"I didn't. Clara and Joe told me Rose was crazy and they'd pay me to say I was Joshua, a horse turned human, from the Forest. They'd keep paying me if I came around for dinner, on a 'visit from the Forest' a few times a week," he says one arm hanging out of his window.

"You lying sack of shit," I say turning to him. "What happened to 'dinners,' you're living with her. She quit school you asshole!" I clutch my seat as I wait until he takes me to Rose. I'll beat the shit out of him there.

"I fell in love with her." He shrugs looking at me, "I needed more than just dinners," His eyes slide back to the road. "Besides, I take care of her." He looks at me again.

_Whatever_ , I stare back.

"I do. You know you and she are not normal." His eyes stay off the road for way too long. "You know how she is, how beautiful she is." Finally, a car honking as he swerves brings him back. As he looks over the steering wheel he continues, "She was in such pain that day. So hurt and hurting herself. She needed me and I was there. I didn't know what was going on at first," he laughs, finally turning back to the road, "I kinda thought she was crazy, and maybe I still do."

"You don't know anything."

"And you do? Rose does?" He shakes his head, "Nothing about you two makes sense. Help me make sense of it. How do you go to a Forest together and have the same experiences there when it's an imaginary place? How do you communicate without talking? I've seen you both when you're in the Forest, you are not aware of anything around you. You don't speak. It's a moving coma. But somehow when you wake up you've shared the same dream."

As Joshua is speaking my headache increases, moves down into my body as heat. It burns at reality replacing it with something else.

The car fades away and is replaced with darkness.
Nowhere: Jas

"Rose!"

I call out into nothingness because that is all there is.

"Rose?"

I call again. Fear is in my voice. I have to curl around it, drawing my knees to my chest, but I am sitting on...nothing. Bits of words are dropping into my head of a story that is out of order and can and cannot be my own.

"I'm here Jas."

I stand up and Rose is standing beside me now, somehow alit.

"Where's here? There's only darkness." I say, "I mean besides you." I touch her soft cheek.

"Only at first. Then you see a lot." Rose grabs my hand that touches her face. "I needed you." Her face is stricken with sadness.

I drop her hand, and put both arms around her.

"What happened with...," I began

"Don't worry, I know he's not Joshua," Rose interrupts me, pulling away and grabbing my collar. "Jas, there is no Joshua, and no one is who they say."

" _Who_ are you talking about?"

"The people we trust most." Rose rubs her eyes. "Papa Joe and Clara took us away, stole us, lied to us," she gestures to the darkness, "just look, it's beginning again.

Around us now, our real past, the true story plays.

• • •

We are watching back to where we began. I see it from my perspective of both now, seventeen, and then, a baby.

" _No Rose," dark skinned woman says as the fat baby hand reaches to get the pretty colors off the coffee table, "NO!" her voice bumps on the word. It's loud. And scratchy. It scares me."Come to mama," a little softer, the lady holds her arms out. Sitting on the floor, her mama has a bottle in one hand. Her mama's long black hair touches the floor lightly, bobbing with her wiggly neck._

I want the bottle. Rose crawls to her.

" _Tell her to bring the pills," a light brown man tells the woman, but Rose's mama has already slumped to the floor, the bottle next to her on its side, leaking._

The man picks it up.

" _Go back Rosey," the man says," bring daddy the pretty pills and you get the bottle," he wiggles the milk._

Watching from the corner, I crawl to the coffee table and pull myself up. I know the colors are a "no" for me and Rose, and a "yes" for the mamas and daddies. I'm thirsty. Dragging the bag off the table, I drop some that roll toward Rose. I look at her, and then walk unsteadily to the man.

" _Thank you Jassy," the man says grabbing the baggie and collects the ones that dropped. He gives me the bottle. "Hey dude," he calls to a blond guy on the couch, "did you see what your daughter did? She can fetch us our drugs." He laughs, takes the colors and puts them into his mouth, and throws the bag to the other man._

" _You make your daddy proud Jasmine," my daddy says from the couch, swallowing colors with his beer._

Watching him, I drink from the bottle. Rose starts to cry. My daddy, her daddy ignores her, and her mama's long lashed eyes stay closed.

" _Just like your mama, Jassy," the guy on the couch says. "Did you hear that babe?" He calls to a beautiful dark skinned woman, "Jasmine fetches drugs just like you." He laughs as the woman looks at him mad._

Holding the bottle out, I sit beside her and "share". I know that word too. A few drinks for me until Rose starts to cry, then I share.

We stay here. This place evolves around us. We grow and are small children.

Rose is inside the closet. She did something very bad. She threw the mommy and daddy stuff out the living room window.

My daddy saw and told Rose's daddy lying on the bed in the living room. Rose's daddy didn't wake up so he woke Rose's mama. She was lying next to Rose's daddy.

" _Your bitch daughter threw our stuff out the window," my daddy told Rose's mama. His blond hair is dirty._

" _I'll take care of it," her mama says, and I ran to Rose._

" _Rose," I tell her, "get inside the closet quick. Your mama's coming and she's gonna hurt you."_

Rose looks at me, "I'm helping them not get sick."

" _They wanna be sick," I say, and hear the squeak of the mattress, "hide quick._

I run outside and pick up the needle and baggy, then run back in. I see the shadow of her mama coming down the hallway. Rose is hidden, in the closet. I sit in front of it.

Rose's mama moves toward me, hugging the wall to keep her balance.

" _Where is my little bitch daughter?" Her mama asks me._

" _She put herself in the closet for punishment, and told me to get what she threw outside," I say holding out what I'd collected off the brown grass, "here."_

" _Rosey did that?" Her mama's face is smashed up in thought. She tucks her long, straight hair behind her ears and calls, "Rosey! Rose, come on out. You been a good girl telling Jasmine to get our stuff."_

The door opens a crack, pushing against my back. I stay rooted and whisper, "No Rose."

" _Come on out," her mama says, and pushes me away with her foot._

Rose stands as daylight hits her, smiling, thinking she'd done something good. Her mama grabs her hair saying, "A good thing can't make up for a bad." She pushes her on the floor by me.

Rose rubs her head, "sorry," and goes back in the closet.
Nowhere: Rose

The place evolves again. We're a little older.

The park is so fun! Jasmine plays on the swings, and I watch her from the grass. I can see all kinds of animals around me. Cats want their fur rubbed, and purr, but sometimes they scratch. Until I talk to them, and make them understand it hurts. I know they hear me because they clean themselves, and look at me as I talk, then they run away, probably to tell their friends.

Dogs come too, sniffing me, and wanting me to rub behind their ears. I tell them stories until their owners pull them away.

" _Rose!" Jasmine calls, going super high on the swings. "Rose, I'm flying," she says, her face lifted to the sky. "Come on, fly with me."_

" _Okay," I say, but I don't like swings._

Looking around I see a big tree that a squirrel is scampering up. I can climb as high Jasmine.

" _I'm coming," I stand, running to the tree._

It's hard to get up, but I do it. I'm going way high up, the branches are little, like me. Looking over I see Jasmine soaring in the sky. I'm almost as high as her when the small branch I'm pulling myself up on breaks.

I crash into a big branch, knocking my head as I fall to the ground.

" _Rose," Jasmine screams as I fall._

I feel her as she throws herself on top of me. "Ooof," comes out of my mouth. All the mamas and daddies come out of the bushes, surrounding me and pull her off.

" _There's a lot of blood!" My mama shrieks and covers her face._

" _No doc, no insurance. Leave her," Jasmine's daddy says._

" _Nooo!" my mama wails, "she might die."_

Someone is pushing them aside, everything is getting blurry.

" _Let me see her," someone says. It's a man, his blurry face is over mine. "I'm Joe," he says._

" _Jasmine?" I ask trying to blink away the clouds in front of my eyes, I can't see around me._

" _Clara, my wife, is holding your friend, she gave her a sucker," the man says, but my eyes are too tired to stay open._

" _I want a sucker too," I say, then, "where's mama and daddy?" I ask with my eyes closed._

The man lifts me up, "they are letting us take good care of you both."
Somewhere: Jas

Rose and I look at each other.

I'm the first to speak, "Joe and Clara saved us."

"No," Rose shakes her head, "they took us from our families. They stole us Jas."

"Our families gave us up...they told them to take us. If we'd up with our real parents, our lives would have been filled with misery."

"But Papa Joe and Clara could have helped them get off drugs. Taught them to be better parents, and..."

"Rose, stop!" I grab her shoulders. "Joe and Clara aren't miracle workers, and it would have taken a miracle to change those people's lives around." Her eyes are filled with grief. "They saved us. I'm grateful for that." Rose's face is still weighed down with anguish, "I'm just thinking what our options might have been if we'd been raised any longer by them," I back up and run my hand in front of me. "With my looks, I might have been a Super Crack Whore!" my cheek lifts.

"Whatever," Rose says, a grin finally emerging, " _I'd_ be the super crack whore, you'd be my sleazy pimp."

"Sounds about right," feeling better than I have in months.

Suddenly, the nothingness is replaced with something. Many things. Where it is getting direction from? I can't tell, from us? Some things I can't imagine Rose creating or myself.

Rose sits beside me. We're watching this place being born.

Another world like the Forest? Is it our wants? Is it our needs, and if so, who is deciding what we need?

Are we?

I test the power, letting my mind wrap around something simple, something detailed and complete. An item.

Then there it is. A bagel, bite into it. It's good and crispy. I toasted it without a toaster.

I have control.

I create bigger and bigger things. Stupid and frivolous are the easiest to make. I don't just pull from the foolishness the City offered, but also essential pieces from the Forest. This place is a hybrid of each reality. I make a studio to record music. A bookstore with every title I remember. I just begin making trees and foliage.

Then suddenly I can't. A limit is reached.

I'm standing on the corner of a dirt road I just created, a path really, from the tall modern building of what will become our new home. Rose is inside. I see her in the large oval picture window watching me.

I motion for her to come down.

Her legs are such a deep brown. They are long and thick sticking out of the dress she wears.

"There's no reason to wear clothes."

"Is that what you called me down here to say?" She says laughing.

Coming close to me, her lips press mine, passing the amber flower scent that accompanies her to me.

"It's stopped. I can't make anymore of this world."

Rose steps away from me into the world we're creating. I follow her, grasping her hand.
Somewhere: Rose

I know I'm in love with Jas.

Walking into the world she constructed I say, "Wait here."

There's still nothingness to draw from, to make something. It covers me as I step inside it looking around.

_Don't worry_ , I think to the void, _I will bring you into existence._

Sounds of a living forest, builds itself, surrounding me and I close my eyes to imagine detail and the vivid color of it. The height of a mountain covered in trees, filled with birds, and water streams falling from it.

My eyes open.

Jas is in front of me, looking around. Everything I made mixed effortlessly with what she had produced.

"You disappeared," she says kissing me. "It was you who made the Forest."

"Yes, I remember making it now, but we made this place together." Walking toward her I look around, "We should stay here forev..."
The City: Jas

"We should stay here forev..." Rose's voice cuts off as her body disappears. She's gone.

I blink. Not her, me.

I've shifted from wherever "there" was, and I am in the City, Joe and Clara's apartment, Clara's art studio. Immediately I look around for Rose. She's here, lying on the bed beside me. _He's_ here too, on the other side of Rose.

Anger courses through me. "Get away from her," I say advancing to where he sits.

He's holding her hand.

"Do you really want to fight me?" he asks not budging.

"Yes."

"Why don't we start with you thanking me." As he talks to me, he rubs the back of her hand with his thumb. "I brought _you_ and Rose here," he shakes his head, "both of you were...wherever you go when you get like this," he gestures to Rose.

"Is that why you were bringing me to Rose?" I look at him, "you wanted me to bring Rose back to you?"

"Maybe. I don't know your rules for this magic shit. She locked herself in a car." He laughs, "It's kind of funny, I can break into anything." He looks at me, "I didn't get her out, and came to get you instead because she is scared of the truth." His eyes go soft.

"You mean scared of you."

"No, I mean the truth of the Forest." His eyes turn into hard slits, "It worked, kind of. You went "zombie" in the car before I had a chance to..."

"To what?" I come next to him, "We both know you got me because you were afraid she'd wake up and run from _you_." I take his hand and remove it from Rose's. "I'm not zombie now asshole." I backup a few steps and roll my shoulders, "if you want to take it there."

He stands.

Clara and Joe come in.

"Jas!" She exclaims embracing me, "you're up."

Joe stands at the door frame. "What's going on in here?" He looks from me to the guy. "Hey Isaiah, you should get some air."

The guy...Isaiah I guess...struts back toward Rose. Moving toward him, I reach out, but Joe beats me to the guy.

"Really, take some air," Joe says and positions Isaiah toward the door. "Don't make this difficult and everything we talked about will happen."

I watch him strut out the studio door, and hear the front door open and slam shut.

I turn to Joe and Clara, "I know Rose and I come from some druggies, not the Forest."

"Yes." Clara looks relieved, "we were trying to..."

"Help us...save us?" I finish. "I get it, and you did. But Rose feels like you stole us from our parents."

"We did," Joe says blatantly, "we took you and tried to give you a better life."

"A life where we spend half of it hallucinating a pretend world?" I ask sarcastically.

Joe looks at me, and walks to Clara putting an arm around her. " _Is_ it pretend? You and Rose have the _exact_ same experiences in this 'pretend' world. Can two people share a hallucination?" Joe's answer is rhetorical. "Clara and I didn't want to stop you once we knew what was going on." He sits on the cot I had been laying on. "Did you know Rose came up with the Forest? She's got a more sensitive temperament than you, and even as her head healed her emotions were erratic."

Clara goes to sit beside Rose. "Rose was so scared and would only talk to you or horses she would draw." Clara nods to Joe, "Joe realized she needed a place where she could feel safe, and Jas, you needed one too. With help, Rose came up with the Forest, and you attached to the story easily." Clara sighs. "Pretend games turned into you and Rose thinking you had actually physically gone there."

Sitting on the floor, I take that in. "It doesn't make sense." I look at them. "I mean when we go to the Forest, at school, on the street, do we just fall down asleep everywhere?" I lean my head back and stretch my neck. "I mean wouldn't we get hurt?"

"Yes," Joe says, "you did get hurt. When you 'ran into the cottage,' you got hit by a car. After that you and Rose started going separately and all over the city." He laughs his deep laugh. "You wouldn't believe how hard it is for Clara and I to follow you both, putting you in the car, carrying you upstairs." Joe puts his arms out, facing me, "You two aren't featherweight little girls anymore."

I snort, "I thought we moved?"

Clara speaks quietly, "You do move in this state. If you watch Rose long enough you'll see." Clara stands and stretches. "You go to the bathroom, you go get food and eat it, but you're not seeing here. You see the Forest, and you only move when your body needs something."

"I can't do this," I say running my hands over my hair. "I'm going back to Rose to talk about it."

I lie down on the floor and will myself to Rose.
Here: Rose

Jas disappeared, and a second later returned.

"You're here," I cross the few steps between us and hug her, "where'd you go?"

"I went back to the City."

"Why, Jas," Rose looks down, "did you want to leave me?"

"No," I grab Rose's hands, letting them swing between us. "I had no control over leaving, but I had control about coming back." Letting one hand drop, and walk with her through our world. "Rose, what do you know of our being here," I gesture around.

"I don't know." Her bare feet walk on the path she made between the fields of flowers. "Joshua...or that guy I mean, said we don't go anywhere, but I feel solid," she squeezes my hand, "so do you."

"The guy, his name is Isaiah, he's right." The path leads us to a forest, not unlike our old Forest. "We don't go anywhere. Our bodies at least." I stop her, sit, and pull her down. "I saw your body lay in the City, while your mind was here." My back is against a tree, Rose curled on my lap.

"I want to see," Rose says, and is gone.
The City: Rose

Eyes open. Shadows move and shift. They are the only stirrings wandering around the room. I feel him holding onto me now. His hand is warm, folded over mine. He is sitting next to the bed, eyes closed. As this reality fills my awareness, voices, I hear Joe and Clara out, beyond the closed door.

I shift away from their noise, and his...Isaiah's fingers sleepily, protectively stroke mine.

"Rose, you're awake," his voice is scratchy, "I'm so glad to see you baby. I was afraid you weren't coming back."

He deceived me. I don't need him, I need...

"Jas," I finish the sentence out loud, "where is she? I want to see her."

His mouth holds sounds he wants to release, but his lips hold them back. They have no choice but to run across his face. Hurt and shame bring the corners of his mouth down. He takes his hand from mine, standing. Turning away from me I see his shoulders rise and fall slowly as he takes a deep breath in. When he faces me again, his cheeks hold the rise of a smile, a forced smile.

"Come here," he holds his hand out to me, "Come see where she is."

I don't take it, my hands find the edge of the bed and I focus on the floor as I my feet find footing on it. I stand waiting for him to lead. He walks to out the door of the studio to Jas's and my room, Jas's side. Joe and Clara are in the kitchen, watching me.

They're all liars.

We enter the room and I push him aside. Jas is on her bed. She is lying, short hair bushy around her handsome face, a blanket and sheet covering her. I run to her

"Jas," lay her hand in mine. "I'll come back to you now," I say into her ear.

He moves closer to us and I release Jas's hand putting it on her stomach so that I may turn, facing him, to protect her. I don't trust him.

"You can't leave," he says and begins to approach, then thinking better of it he stops mid-stride.

His voice is soft like I remember from when he used to calm me from my crying fits at night, but there is a bitter clipped note at the end that I haven't heard. Maybe it's always been there and I'm just noticing it now.

I won't be without Jas.

Climbing in the bed beside her, I lay down, curling my cold body around the warmth of Jas.

"I can," I say closing my eyes.

• • •

"No," I cry out in anguish when I open them.

I'm still here in the City, and Jas is like a statue next to me. I don't know how much time has passed, but only Papa Joe is in the room now.

Joe looks at me like he was expecting this kind of outburst. He leans back in the chair, laying his book in his lap.

It hurts to see him, " I know." Wanting to understand, I plead, "Why Papa Joe, why wouldn't you help our parents?"

"Rose," he replies leaning forward, his hands on his knees, "they didn't want help for themselves. I think they gave you both up so you would have a chance at a better life."

Clara comes in, "I sent Isaiah away Rose," she sits next to me, "I saw how uncomfortable he made you."

I shift away from Clara, closer to Jas, "No more uncomfortable than you," I say cruelly. "I only came to see for myself what really happens to our bodies when we go away."

Joe flinches, and adjusts in the chair, "Clara and I are giving you a better life."

"Why do you think this is better? We've built a pretend world to escape into."

Clara's voice barely contains being upset, "Do you understand how dedicated we are to you and Jas. We make sure you are safe until you come back? Do you know how much we worry when you are gone for too long and it seems like you might never come back? And I think you know the Forest is not pretend."

"Stop," my heart is pounding. Whimpering comes out with my words, "I don't even know who you are anymore. Or you Joe, you're not my papa. You and Clara stole us. It is _because_ of you that I created the Forest and..." wiping my moist eyes, and the snot that is dripping makes me pause, "and so you should take care of our bodies while we are there." My pain pulses through me, but my words have run out. I stand and pace until my heart slows.

I don't know if they deserve such hurtful words. "I'm sorry," I say, "our lives would have been much worse with our parents." I turn to Clara. "The Forest _is_ real, and I don't know if the City is the place for us." My hair is a tangled mass as I lift it to rub my neck. "Clara, Joe...why can't I get back to Jas?"

They don't talk, just look at each other and me.

"I think you're stopping yourself Rose." Clara says standing too, and touching my shoulder, "all Joe and I tried to do was keep you both safe. When your parents gave you to us that day in the park, I knew you and Jasmine were wounded." She walks to Joe and sits on his lap. "Nothing Joe and I did seemed to ease the trauma you'd suffered. Nothing helped except the Forest."

"I remember you encouraging me to think the Forest is real," I say to Clara.

Joe clears his throat, "It was me who told Clara to encourage it," he says. "But Rose, I had to. You and Jasmine needed a safe place to recuperate, it didn't matter that it was pretend...and then suddenly it wasn't pretend anymore."

I sit back on the bed by Jas. "The Forest is gone now, we built another world."

Joe snorts. "You built another? It's real to both of you?"

"Yes, but both Jas and I built this one. Not just me."

He shifts Clara off him and stands. "Rose you have no idea how fascinating it is to watch each of you share the same delusion. Delusion is not the right word." Joe shakes his head, "I mean...you create a real world...or dimension...a real place for you two." His eyes show amazement.

"Rose, the Forest is also why we had to keep you two apart the last year." Clara moves beside me no.. "We thought that Jasmine would be able to help you let go of the Forest and transition here, but it tore your friendship apart, and broke you down."

"That doesn't make sense because you kept us apart when Jas knew she loved me." I face Joe, "you lied to me about who 'Joshua' was." I angrily spit the last words at them, "You kept us from happiness. You..."

"No," Clara says, ashamed, "we kept you here. Once Jasmine knew she loved you, Joe and I knew it was more than likely you'd convince her to stay in the Forest and never come back. You're our kids. How could we let you go if there was another way?"

Movement from the bed moves all our heads towards it. It's Jas, she's waking.

"Jas," I sigh in relief, "thank goodness you're here."

Eyes dazed, she looks around, "What's happening now?"

"It doesn't matter." I lay down. "I couldn't go to you before, but I bet we can leave together."

Clara's face is buried in her hands. Joe has his arm around her. "Don't go girls, please." Clara says between sobs.

I sit up, Clara has been like a mother, Joe a father, "We'll be back to see you, right Jas?"

"Of course," Jas says, pulling me down beside her. "Clara, Joe I'm kinda a famous rock star now," she smiles at them, "I have to come back to make music for my fans."
The City: Jas

Rose's books are piled up on the floor surrounding our bed.

She's studying for a final at school. Majoring in quantum physics suits her. She's trying to find answers, but I'm not interested in knowing how we move between worlds. I just like that we can.

Besides school, she stays in the Fairytale, what we call the world we made.

My phone signals a text. I'm sure it's from Isaiah. Rose doesn't know he tries to contact us. She doesn't have a phone, so he texts me. It's been a year, but he won't move on.

TEXT: _Jas, It's me...Joshua. I am Joshua, and I need you and Rose's help. Please contact me._

I can't figure out his angle, calling himself Joshua. He already admitted he wasn't. Last month he began texting. It seems like he's going about the whole breakup thing backward. Don't you text a lot in the beginning? Clara and Joe say we should meet with him. They say he has important things to tell us.

He's texting the wrong person. I don't care what he wants to tell us.

I check the fridge to make sure we have everything we need to "zombie eat" as I call it. Satisfied, I go to Rose. On the bed in her bra and underwear, she looks almost too sexy.

I wonder if she did that on purpose.

Lying beside her, I call the Fairytale to me.
The Fairytale: Jasmine

Rose runs to me from the stairs of our house.

Her light pink dress bounces with every step. Reaching me, she jumps up wrapping her bare legs around me, and kisses me hard.

"I missed you Jas, how was the tour? Tell me everything," Rose asks, cheeks flushed.

I carry her, kissing her into the house. As her legs untwine from around me, and her feet touch the wood floor, I run my hands down her hair. "It was fun. I wish you would have come." I kiss her again. "Did you leave yourself with almost nothing on to tantalize me?" Her dress is thin under my hands, and I lift it off her. "It worked."

"Jas...is everything..."

"Yes," I interrupt her, running my thumb over her lips, "everything is fine, ready for our stay here."

"And Clara, did you tell her and Joe? Is she going to..."

I silence her with my lips. My hands. My body pushing into her until I feel her release her worry.

"I told her and Joe you love them." I say when we part for a breath, "And yes, she'll restock us like always."

Rose's soft lips are back on mine. Her breath pushes into me as words escape, "I'm just glad you're home."

