Welcome back to my Dark Corner of this Sick World.
Every now and then we do review popular movies and just accept the fact that people are going to disagree,
possibly angrily, because we still think they’re bad.
‘Do you believe in ghosts?’
1985’s House opens with a simple question; how long does it take to notice the corpse?
After the death of his aunt, writer Roger Cobb moves into her old house even though she hung herself there,
even though his own son disappeared here in inexplicable circumstances.
even though...
‘You know she always thought this house was haunted’
'Get out of here.'
Incidentally, his real estate agent has the worst luck with haunted properties.
'Most of the original staff know about the 12th floor, the disturbance I mean.'
And he sticks it out, even when his aunt’s ghost appears,
‘Aunt Elisabeth’
'Run Roger'
Even when his son’s ghost appears...
#laughter#
Even when he finds a monster in the closet.
Even when he meets his neighbour .
‘Howdy neighbour’
Norm!
‘I’m your biggest fan’
No red flags there.
Roger is trying to write about his Vietnam war experiences
and based on the flashbacks he was in the most cliched platoon in the jungle.
‘I am sick of that punk telling me what to do.’
Now, despite the presence of George Wendt and the absence of any logic in Roger’s actions,
this has so far been standard haunted house horror, but half an hour in...
it transitions into comedy.
‘Hey rog. What you doing?’
And while I’m a great believer that any subject can be tackled in a comic way if done right,
I’m not convinced that Vietnam, suicide and the trauma of a lost child goes hand in hand with slapstick.
There are some creepy moments,
but they are always undercut by spectacular silliness.
Director Steve Miner was best known for horror and hoped to use this film to transition into something else,
but I can’t imagine what, take this sequence when Roger’s ex-wife Sandy comes to visit.
‘I was worried about you Roger’
but…
and…
In a horror film this is trauma, sending the protagonist mad, but here...
He hides the body from the police,
because of course this won’t have left blood and they won’t conduct a search.
‘It was the house that did it’
Now this was the ghost rather than Sandy herself but the film doesn’t confirm that till the end,
more importantly, nor does Roger.
If you thought you’d accidentally killed someone would you not make a phone call to check?
‘I must be going crazy’
When the monster returns...
The house accidentally kills it’s own minion?
Personally I’d have waited till night to bury a corpse,
especially since Roger’s neighbour just uses his pool without asking.
‘What are you digging?’
‘A hole’
This leads to another weird sequence when she returns,
‘Hi. Ready to play?’
Am I?
‘This is my son Robert and he really loves to play’
I’m getting mixed messages here. But…
Roger chases the child,
‘I got you’
Drags him into the toilet…
and emerges with him crying.
'Here we are mum.'
Doesn’t look good, and yet…
‘I need a babysitter’
And I thought creepy weirdo I met while he was burying a body and who instantly jumped on my son would ideal.
'Robert?'
Well Roger, you’ve lost another one.
With Norm’s help, Roger confronts the monster in the closet and…
'I'll hold on to you if it's last thing I'll....'
he’s dragged in.
Boy Narnia’s a mess these days.
‘I’m not gonna make it. Finish me off’
Now we learn the reason for Roger’s PTSD.
‘I can’t do it’
As he is unable to help his comrade, Ben.
‘Roger! I’ll get you for this’
Again, just ripe for comedy. And now…
All this time, his kid was in Nam, but when they get back...
‘Sucker’
Ben is waiting.
‘You did this. You took my kid’
Yes, he’s behind this, taking revenge by haunting Roger’s aunt’s house and hoping he might one day move in.
And here’s the thing...
‘They tortured me for weeks’
This is serious. And what do we get?
‘Damn. Came back from the grave and ran out of ammunition’
Ben may have been a dick.
‘Yoohoo Charlie’
But Roger is clearly scarred by what happened and never has to confront those demons, he just has to beat him.
‘I beat you and this God-damn house’
Somehow.
This was written as a straight horror then retrofitted into a comedy and boy can you tell.
‘Oops. Sorry about that’
It was a successful movie, but for me it totally fails.
‘Touchy’
Thanks for watching. For more ghost movie reviews click here.
What popular films did you not like? Your unpopular opinions in the comments below.
