♪ A whole new roach ♪
♪ A dazzling map I never knew ♪
- Hey roaches, I know a lot
of you were worried about me
back when that black hole came.
But the only thing that's
dead is Fortnite chapter one!
It's a whole new world
and a whole new roach.
(wind whistling)
Ew, what's wrong with this water?
Is this Slurpy Swamp?
Oh hey, it is Slurpy Swamp!
Aw man, I missed the chest up there.
This factory looks just
like the one I grew up in.
Ugh, the pollution is killing
the ecosystem of this place.
Stop polluting our world!
Gimme your loot, tiny car!
Oh my me!
Catch these bullets friend.
(rapid gunfire)
- Roached!
- Whoa, a battle medal?
I don't remember seeing these before.
Sure is better than those
dumb participation trophies
Mama Roach used to give me.
- You tried sweetie.
- These barrels are full of Slurp Juice!
It's a Slurp Fest!
Huh, a Slurp silo.
Yes, shield me up!
(axes chopping)
Don't need these bandages.
Med kit should be good.
(axes chopping)
Whoop! Hi!
(rapid gunfire)
Ouch! That is no way to treat a friend!
Cramped living in here.
Not too many great angles for roaching.
All right, Imma head out.
(axes chopping)
Hello?
Someone up there?
Whoa!
Okay, yes.
Someone is up there.
(gun firing)
You can't escape.
Up the stairs?
Impossible.
This could be the end.
I'd like to thank our sponsor, wait what?
Richard, what do you mean we don't have
a sponsor for this episode?
Red Bull?
Xbox?
Anyone wanna sponsor me
so I don't have to sit
in this sweaty chair for nothing?
He's going down to the swamps.
(gun firing)
Shots from all angles.
This place is hopping.
(rapid gunfire)
Dagnabbit!
Who's that creepin' at my window?
Did you guys see Batman in there?
Did I hallucinate that?
(gun firing)
Another medal?
But I didn't roach them!
What good is this medal
if it's not for roachin'?
I know you're in there.
Just let me in man.
What could go wrong?
(gunfire)
- Roached!
- Ha! Can't believe they listened to me.
Bandages, I'm gonna need these.
And maybe we'll cut to
something more exciting.
Yikes!
Evening already?
But I barely ate dinner.
All I had to munch on was
that roach-tisserie chicken.
Wish this factory had stairs.
Ah, the sweet, sweet
nectars of sewage water.
I love a good septic shower.
We're a bit far from the circle, though.
Might be time to make
like a roach and run.
Sh, sh, sh, sh!
Did you roaches hear that?
He can't see me!
Surprise!
It's me, Roach!
Wow, they're giving me
a medal for everything!
- You're not so special, boy!
- I don't think they know I'm here.
This is perfect.
Uh, wait a minute!
(gunfire)
- Roached!
- That'll teach you to
try and share my shower!
Now back to what I was doing before.
Oh snap, the storm!
I think I'm gonna have to sprint this one.
(tense music)
Only one of us can make it
out of this storm alive.
Wait why my voice so low?
Uh, this might have been a bad idea.
(gunfire)
(rapid gunfire)
- Roached!
No time to celebrate!
Need some heals!
Oh, thank god, bandages!
Maybe this'll keep me alive.
Things aren't looking good roaches!
I'd like to thank our sponsor.
Save me Jesus Roach!
- See you soon, my son.
- Wait, see you soon?
What?
No!
I wanna live!
Oh, weeping woods.
How timely.
Roaches, if you find my body,
bury me in Grandpappy's farm.
Wait, what do you mean
they took it off the map?
Wrap and run, roaches, wrap and run!
Mm, all these vehicles I can't drive.
Thanks for the slap in the face, game.
This new island sucks!
Oh, maybe this chest will save me.
(axes chopping)
More bandages!
Hallelujah!
If I can just make it though
those pillars in time,
maybe I'll live!
♪ Raindrops keep roachin' on my head ♪
♪ That was a Trek reference ♪
♪ I hope you got that ♪
I see the light!
And not the bad light, the good light!
The end of the storm!
10, nine, eight, seven, six, five
(gasps)
Oh my roach!
That was a close one.
Wow, and to think, I
was gonna fast forward.
Okay, let's do a little skip-a-roo here.
♪ Don't Roach me now ♪
♪ I'm having such a good time ♪
♪ I'm roachin' 'em all ♪
Wow, they don't it
Gorgeous Gorge for nothin'.
Look at that view!
And all that loot!
Time for a little skinny dipping!
(water lapping)
Ooo, a fishing rod.
Time for a little relaxation.
(country music)
(fishing reel spinning)
(fishing reel spinning)
(water lapping)
Supersize me!
(fishing reel spinning)
Mm, Roach loves sushi.
I'm just gonna keep fishing here while
this imposing wall slowly closes in on me.
No storm can stop the Roach.
Hey, that fish looks familiar.
(classical music)
(high speed music)
Finally, some action!
And we're down to the last four survivors.
Amazing.
What I love about this new map
is that it's impossible to find anybody.
(axes chopping)
A little peephole.
(gunfire)
Yipe! Oof!
That was a big one.
(grunts) They're not giving
me enough time to heal up?
Let me heal dammit!
I'll throw a fishstick at you.
I'm warning ya!
(grunting)
(weapons firing)
Is that a rocket launcher?
I knew this was a bad neighborhood.
Who's just handing out rocket launchers?
(rocket zooming)
(rocket zooming)
Aha! There you are.
Just biding my time.
Any minute now.
(soft jazz music)
Just waiting. (yawning)
Oh boy.
(soft jazz music)
(snoring)
Huh? What's that?
Gotcha now, sir!
(rapid gunfire)
Taste my pent up fury!
Roach rage!
(rapid gunfire)
Oop! Tag teaming, I see!
Thanks fellow competitor.
(rapid gunfire)
Building won't help you now!
(rapid gunfire)
(rapid gunfire)
- Roached!
- Aha, but who was trapped with who?
Not me!
You just got Roached!
Okay, just two more roaches to roach.
Back to my stealth game.
You can't hide from the roach.
(axes chopping)
Well there's one of 'em!
- Roached!
- Boom!
That was a head shot.
Thank you. Thank you very much.
Now don't let all of these
awards go to your head.
Haha!
Chug this jug and it's time to go!
(rapid gunfire)
I'm ready for this fight!
Dang! I'll have to find
another way around.
Eep!
Bullets!
My weakness!
(rapid gunfire)
Darn it!
- Yar! Sorry kids.
Still can't see.
- Pop that bunny head out here, would ya?
(gun firing)
I'm woachin' wabbits here.
Golly dagnabbit rabbit!
(gun firing)
(gunshot)
I'm not a fan of this hide and shoot game.
(gunshot)
(rapid gunfire)
Time to get the high ground.
Say hello to my little friend!
(rapid gunfire)
Bunnies can't fly.
Except for those new experimental bunnies
science has been working on.
This place is a labyrinth!
And the circle is so small!
I'm getting claustrophobic!
(rapid gunfire)
(rapid gunfire)
Aw man, I'm losing them in this maze!
Time to get cozy.
We're back to back, belly to belly.
(rapid gunfire)
There!
It's like looking in a mirror.
(rapid gunfire)
- Roach Royale!
Yes! Oh, a Roach Royale
in Fortnite chapter two!
I can't believe it!
I'd like to thank our sponsor!
Even though I have no idea who it is.
Wait, no, Richard is telling
me there's still no sponsor.
Okay, no problem, we'll thank 'em anyways!
Bye, everybody!
Woo!
(techno music)
