So you want a rap battle with the God of War?
Give me two minutes and I’ll have you out
cold on the floor,
The warrior from Thrace will put you in your
place,
By the end of this battle you’ll be running
off in disgrace!
You don’t want to mess with a living legend,
you little forgotten myth.
I can hold my own with any little limped leg
blacksmith!
You’re good at making your toys, I’ll
give that to you,
But in a real battle you’d already be through.
I mean seriously, for a God of Fire, you can’t
even spit out a verse,
We’re both sons of Zeus and Hera, so how
are you so much worse?
You think you’re so special, you just love
working on your projects,
Should I remind you about Pandora, your
greatest wreck?
By the heat of your forge, you made your fanciest
toy,
I remember when they sent her down, you were
just so full of joy.
You thought the mortals would love your creation,
But your little project brought them their ruination!
I’m not like Athena, I don’t need any
strategy,
I’m a force of nature in battle, you can’t
fight gravity,
At least she is the Goddess of Intelligence,
she has some smarts,
You’re the God of craftsmen and inventors,
all you have going is art.
I don’t respect the fact that you’re artistic
and cultured,
You eat Olympus's scraps, even my sacred animal
the vulture,
Has more dignity than that, they heads are
held tall,
You have to beg in front of Zeus to get anything
at all!
You’re just a real idealist, but let’s
be realists,
You’re crafty and cunning, but you still
can’t beat this.
My armor and my sword will deflect any weapon
you can craft,
In this lyrical battle field, I’ll be having the last laugh.
Now my turn.
Oh brother of mine, what’s wrong with your
mind,
Are you really that stupid and foolish and
blind?
Father of Deimos and Phobos, but I’m not
afraid,
Not even the Gods of Fear and Panic can
keep Hephaestus away.
I built your throne, your palace, nearly all
of Olympus
All I’m asking for is to let me mind my
own business,
Because I’m an artisan, a Da Vinci, I need
my own space,
I can’t make those thunderbolts for Zeus
with you screaming at my face.
Don’t make me dust down my tunic, and make
another net,
Like the one I made to catch your hideous
duet.
Aphrodite and Ares, what a great pair,
Stuck in a net, having an affair!
I’m the God of craftsmen, inventors, and
volcanoes,
I’m about to melt you like a lava flow,
I’m sick of your act, you little psychopath,
Everywhere you go all you leave is a bloodbath.
Yes I’m the reject of Olympus, Hera threw
me down,
But look how I turned my life around,
I rose back up to take my place in my forge on Mount Aetna,
If I can deal with all that, I can deal with this hater.
You want to insult my work, let me give you
a list,
The cups and chariot of Helios, all made by
the blacksmith,
I made shields for Heracles, Achilles and
Diomedes too,
Bows for Artemis and Apollo, even the throne
of Zeus.
You call my creations toys?
I shackled Prometheus,
If I can imprison a Titan, beating you will be the easiest,
Job that I’ve ever done, right after trapping Hera on her throne,
I’m just taking a guess, did you inherit her ego?
Scared you coward?
Crawl back to your pot.
And you said you were the God of War, I thought?
What God of War get stuff in a jug by two
dumb giants?
It’s obvious who won, Hephaestus has triumphed
