Ay-up i'm the Nott'm lass and what scares
you the most about joining the lgbtq
plus community?
How do you sign up? *Laugh* There's no
subscription fee,
it's just about accepting who you are
and for some people this can be a pretty
daunting process.
Especially if your family and friends,
might not be accepting as you think they
might be. You might be treated
differently
in society, maybe you've been in a
heterosexual relationship with someone
for quite a few years
and now you're like someone that's got
the same sex as you. There are so many
outcomes and maybe you just don't want
to take that risk and come out.
Anyway, i hope this video makes you feel
at ease. I'm here to support you,
so come on let's get you into that lgbtq
plus community! Let's take that plunge
together.
So let's rewind.
Accepting yourself could be one of the most scariest things, you'll ever have to
deal with.
Not gonna lie it took me a while to
accept that i was gay. It's just because
i never knew that i liked girls,
only that i found them intimidating and
then realizing that i was gay happened
so fast.
I mean we're talking six months, six
months
six months to realize what these
feelings were, that i had towards girls. I
think it's crazy how it all just comes
together. I think figuring out who you
are, is the most important thing if you can't
accept who you are how can you confine
in someone else.
Is it also fair to be with someone if
you're not true to yourself or true to
them? Is it fair to live a lie? So what's the
rush? Well there's no rush to figuring out who
you are, why should there be. Do what you
want at your own speed.
But if you're already in a relationship,
i would advise you to sit down and talk
to your partner.
It's not fair to keep a secret from your
partner and i will be talking about this
later in the video.
If you're unsure, with your sexuality,
maybe just experiment a little, i mean
get yourself on tinder and start talking
to people.
You might meet people that are in the
same boat as you. Maybe you have a night
out in a gay club,
they're a hoot, yeah i said the word hoot
because there's such a laugh.
I  mean if you're curious, you should
definitely get yourself down to a pride
festival.
Gosh, what a great day out i can't wait
for next year oh
bring it on. I want to make it clear that
there is no rush i really do mean that.
Figuring out you're gay can happen at
any age, i mean i came out when i was 19
but there are people that come out in
the mid 50s. I mean
look at Phillip Schofield he came out
when he was 57
and he's got a wife and kids.
Rejection, let's talk about rejection.
Rejection, rejection, rejection oh i do
hate that word. Lots of people are always
so scared to come out because of the
fear
of rejection. I think what helped me to
get past this feeling,
was just to stay positive, maybe change
those what-ifs
into something positive. It's so annoying
to see people in the lgbtq plus
community,
relate coming out to be this bad thing
that should never happen. Why do we do
this to ourselves?
Why can't coming out be something
positive to shout out
from the rooftops. What is this coming
out nonsense just be who you want to be.
All these what ifs, are going to give you
pure anxiety, which will make you
question yourself
even more, unless you're just emotionless
or super confident
and you don't give a monkeys what anyone
else thinks, then
it's completely normal to think that you
might be rejected. Remember it's today
society that's putting negative vibes in
the air that are making you feel this
way.
Just because your mum made a silly
throwaway comment about someone being
gay,
doesn't mean she's going to reject you. I
personally have dealt with
loads of rejection, my sexual identity to
the way i look,
for my passion for music, it's how you
deal with that rejection
that turns you into a confident queen.
When it comes to rejection
i've used it to reflect on how i can be
better at who i am and what i do and if
you take rejection positively guess what
it can lead to your own self-discovery
and
personal growth. And if people reject you,
well
it's their loss. You'll find true
friendships from learning how not to be
involved with people that reject you.
So what if you're already in a
heterosexual relationship? There's a lot
more people than you think
who are in this position. From a
relationship point of view,
if you've already had these feelings the
relationship is never going to work.
Let's face it, you need to be open with
your partner, if you're not
100% happy then realistically, you're
dragging that person,
through your unhappiness. So let's say
you've been in a heterosexual
relationship for 10 years,
over 10 years you're both going to grow
and change and if you discover that
you're gay, don't just stay with them
because it's become a habit,
maybe you've got children or assets
together and you don't want to make them
sad
you need to think about your own
happiness too. It's not healthy to kid
yourself that things are going to get
better.
Let's face it you're just living a lie
and it's not fair on them.
Let them find someone else, let them go.
So let's talk about close friends
thinking that you fancy them, i'm sure
this has crossed your mind it did for me
at the time.
Maybe you're scared to come out to your
friends because you don't want them
thinking that you fancy them. Perhaps you
think that you might lose their
friendship.
Maybe if you meet up with your friends
they may feel quite awkward, well let me
just tell you,
if they're going to be awkward around
you because you're gay, let them go
for the time being give them time to
come to terms with, who you are,
just because you've come out as gay
doesn't mean you fancy your best friend
from school.
Now a bit of housekeeping, before we get
on to the next point,
please don't forget to hit that LIKE
button and comment below with the
concerns you may be feeling. You can
private message me
on instagram, i've got loads of free time
at the moment,
so i'll try and reply to all of you. If
you're like me
then i'm sure you've researched so much
about coming out, you know
sitting in bed all night watching coming
out story after coming out story.
I think it's good to do this because
some people may have different ideas on
how to come out
and perhaps this might make you feel
less alone in your situation,
or you're just super curious about the
whole gay
thing. Honestly watching other people's
coming out stories
is really comforting and reassuring.
Maybe you've got some friends in the
lgbtq
community, that you could get in touch
with, they could give you some advice and
build up your confidence
and i'm hoping this video will help too
and if it is please please hit that
SUBSCRIBE button. So what is it that's
actually scaring you about coming out?
Is it how to come out? Or is it how to
phrase it? Do you want to be
in the same house when you come out or
run a mile until it's all over,
it totally depends on what your scenario
is, your mum might be across the other
side of the world
you might see your dad only once a month
and your siblings may be at university.
Let me tell you what i did, so i told my
mum in person,
before i went to university, we're really
close and i wasn't really scared to tell
her, i kind of let her guess it out of me,
i kind of felt like i didn't have to say
it was more of a yes or no, i kind of
knew how she'd react.
But i understand that it is quite scary,
i did burst into tears because i was
just so relieved
and once i told her she just said put
the kettle on time for a cup of tea.
Oh i love you mum. If you want to go and
watch my coming out story then please
click here. So here's what you could do
if you want to come out in person,
then maybe you could confine in a very
trusted friend, you know
to get a feel of how to phrase it and
perhaps they could advise you on what to
say, but if you're not confident in
coming out in person then perhaps you
could write a letter.
Now not many people write letters
nowadays, but a letter is very personal
and
it can convey a lot of emotions. You
could leave it on the side for your
parents or put it in their bag,
i don't know, perhaps send an email, or a
text, perhaps you could ask someone else
to tell them.
Your brother, your sister, your uncle or
your aunt, i mean it just depends on your
particular scenario and when telling
them just be honest.
Let your thoughts and feelings run free,
this is your moment,
your big moment, you be that diva. Mum
this has been on my shoulders for quite
a few months now and
i'm gay. Remember you don't need to rush
coming out,
make sure you have enough time to
explain to people. Don't just think oh i
need it done
in 10 minutes because you'll be mind
blocked, you want to express what you
need to say at your own speed.
So prepare yourself for their reaction,
but i can guarantee that the person
you're telling may already have an
incling,
unless you're very good at showing no
emotions whatsoever. If they aren't so
accepting,
just give people time just like yourself
it took you
a long time to figure yourself out.
Likewise it's going to take time for
others to adjust.
You're the closest thing to them, this is
big news for them and it has to sink in.
Ask them if they've got any questions
too. If you're a parent watching this
then please go and watch my other video
on how parents should react to lgbt
click here.
So how did you come out? Please comment
below. I've heard this so much in the lgbtq
community,
that people find it hard to meet people
or go on dates
with people in the lgbtq community. I
guess if you live in a small country
village then yeah,
it's going to be tough you, probably
downloaded a dating app
set your range far out, which means if
you meet someone, you're going to have to
travel. A little fun fact, 80% of lgbt people
say that dating apps really benefit them.
I'm from Nottingham and i've been all
over the country to meet people.
Dating apps are so good for people that
are in the lgbtq plus community
because it's really hard to meet anyone
without them. I mean you could say i'll
just go and meet
someone, in a gay club, but no i don't
want to be someone's forgotten drunk
memory, that's such a good line,
and remember that all dating apps are 18
plus and they do have their downsides.
So please be careful when you use them.
If you're going to meet someone from a
dating app then please tell your friends
where you're going
just in case. Getting bullied and having
homophobic abuse,
is a hate crime and should not be
tolerated. Whether you're in school or
starting your new job
no one should be bullied for who they
are. As i've said in other videos,
i've lost count, of how many times i've
had homophobic abuse.
But this has made me strong and
personally i don't care anymore
what anyone else thinks about me, but if
you're in a position, where you think
you're receiving hate for who you are,
you need to talk to someone about it.
If you're scared to come out to your
work colleagues, then worry not.
I'm sure in most workplaces there's
policies and procedures
that take place to stop homophobia.
Getting discriminated against
or being on the receiving end of sexual
harassment, is no longer tolerated
in the workplace. We've got the MeToo
campaign to thank for that.
If your manager is giving you abuse, go
to someone who's higher up,
than your manager and if they won't help,
go for someone higher. Sometimes you
can't tackle things on your own
and there are people out there who are
going to have you back, i promise.
So i'd love to do a video about this
topic as there's just so much to say
and this is a subject that i just dread
to think about, because
i know how hard it's going to be. I guess
it's just the thought of having to go to
a doctor,
sitting down and talking about what to
do, to have a child.
It gives me anxiety just thinking about
it. I mean i want to have children in the
future and i think about it every day
and how i'm not getting any younger. I
mean choosing a sperm donor
and having it put in my body, it makes me
feel quite queasy actually. I mean designing a baby seems like a
really weird process.
I mean the fact that my future child may
have other half brothers and sisters
dotted round the whole country it's just
so bizarre. But
above and beyond, the main thing is that
it is possible.
I mean there's a lot of positive stories
about people that have had children,
through sperm donors, but surely they
must have had thoughts
like me. Don't get me wrong, i know that
straight people have difficulties
when having children, oh it's just so sad
man.
Every place is different when it comes
to public reactions,
for example if you're at a pride
festival, which is a massive festival,
for people that are in the lgbtq plus
community, you're not going to get
any funny stares. It's so nice to be in a
place where you can feel
100% accepted. Whereas if you're a girl
holding your girlfriend's hand,
in an oldie worldly town, you may get
some disapproving looks from the older
generation perhaps,
different cities and different countries
abroad,
may have different rules to lgbtq plus.
You need to do your research if you're
traveling. I mean some countries have
zero tolerance to lgbtq plus and you
could end up
in jail. You need to check out our
government websites
and check out any particular country,
that you may be visiting.
So what's scaring you about going on a
night out?
I think personally for me it was getting
chatted up, by the opposite sex,
i know it's no excuse but people do get
drunk on a night out.
I don't conform to the stereotypical
image, of a lesbian.
So when i go out men surround me like
bees, on a honeypot
and actually it's really annoying. They
just can't understand that i'm gay.
I'm sure there's many other reasons why
joining the lgbtq plus community
may scare you and if there's anything
else that i've not covered, then comment
below.
Also SUBSCRIBE SUBSCRIBE SUBSCRIBE, good
luck in the lgbtq plus community.
Thanks for watching, and i'll see you
guys soon, bye.
