

On Becoming Yesterday's Actors

Tennison Long

Also by the author:

Glorious Verve

When We Ran The Master Plan

Of Tribe & Empire

Long Hand Publications

www.tennisonlong.com

Copyright © 2020 by Tennison Long

All Rights Reserved

ISBN: ********

Cover design by Ean Clevenger

This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, and incidents are the product of the author's imagination or are used fictitiously, and any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, events, or locales is entirely coincidental.

for my father...

The 911 tip was so outrageous the dispatchers disregarded it as a prank. The caller claimed that two dozen people had committed suicide at the pool of a rehab center in the unincorporated part of the city. Three hours later law enforcement descended on the sprawling compound in a wealthy neighborhood to discover what was indeed a macabre scene. "Doesn't look like any survivors, we need to call homicide," dispatchers heard the first responders through their body cam audio. Crime scene investigators totalled 26 bodies. Fourteen men and twelve women ranging in age from 38 to 50. It was initially reported as the largest mass suicide in American history until the media were fact-checked with the Heaven's Gate event of the late 1990s. Without the typical precision of a religious cult-like organization this suicide appeared to be different. The bodies looked good, healthy, dressed in expensive athleisure wear and bikinis. There were no tokens or medallions of superstition or other relics to behold while transitioning to the afterlife. It was as if it could have been accidental or something impromptu. There was talk of a group message via video left behind to explain the suddenness of their act, but the authorities would not confirm nor deny the existence of any such digital manifesto. Notepads and diaries were sealed in big paper bags and carried off the property with white gloves. Leaked stories on the internet seemed rushed and fantastic with elaborate explanations of some death cult and the appearance of wiki bios of each person seemed premature. Like anything else this newsworthy there was the reality that we may never know the truth. A divorced mom pushing forty who just celebrated losing 100 pounds. A father of three who left corporate success to reclaim his artistic roots. A single female who on her fiftieth birthday had a nervous breakdown in a supermarket parking lot. The leader of the group was not your typical bug-eyed charismatic frontman, and this is what mystified the investigators. If this group of Generation Xers--and that was their only unifying connection--was seeking out a more exalted state what was it and why? There was not much known about the group as their digital footprint was minimal and this only added to the intrigue. Were there more involved? Were there those who backed out last minute? There wasn't any of the typical cultivated androgyny of other death cults, in fact these people looked good. When the media published their driver's license photos and old social media pictures it didn't look like them. The people that died that day were in shape, had structure to their faces, smooth skin and glowing complexions. There did not appear to be any ritual or ceremony of graduation marking some doomsday event. They did all drink something. What looked like craft cocktails that were likely laced with a sedative like phenobarbital. Perhaps it was what is known as dexing, or robotripping. A cocktail of Robitussin, with its key ingredient of DXM mixed with something keto-friendly like vodka or gin and a resulting high comparable to combining mild acid with weed. In the early stages of the buzz you begin to act like a hallucinating robot who has blown a fuse. Your serotonin system is frazzled and you become engulfed with dread. Then lights out. Initial photos from the scene, if they were to be believed, looked like a causal happy hour with the party goers collapsed into random positions on the ground and pool furniture. It would be many news cycles before the toxicology reports would be released and there was concern that this story would never be followed up. The strangest and most curious aspect of the scene was not the dead bodies but the compound's lack of electronic devices. No computers, no tablets, no cell phones, no televisions, no gaming consoles.

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In keeping with its title, the final novel by Tennison Long, who passed away before its publication, "On Becoming Yesterday's Actors" suggests a scanning of the narrator's mind, an apocalyptic and Luddite Generation Xer who sifts through his life via varying digressions, while encompassing the differences of more recent generations through personal memories and the fate of those who become caught up in societal neurotic atrocities. There is an interspersing of documentary with fictional material: news articles, psycho analysis, classified documents, and meta-observations of his private surroundings.

Intergenerational strife is nothing more than an orgy of forgetfulness, each visage carrying a narrative that is merely a facade for emptiness, with yesterday's actors more of a victim mindset than that of victor. The author, as an adapter of semiotics, recognized that much of society can be decoded, and relied on his readers to create their own meanings from his work. Regardless of his intentions, the words he chose to use are ever shifting, fluid, and open to interpretation or critique.

The true names of the witnesses mentioned in this book have been given only to the Federal Bureau of Investigation. They may be publicly identified one day but not now and here. Scenes have been reconstructed from memories. Sometimes the memory was merely a fragment but rebuilt as a narrative from an internal monologue of events at the time. There is always distortion but without the temptation to project the narrator in a better light. Some names have been changed.

It is appropo that any mention of addiction within the musings of a full articulation of a so-called American novel, with its genesis in Romantic and European literature, be told from the world capital of addiction, America, the coddled home for the most severe set of addicts of the last two generations.

Arriving a few decades into a postmodern surrounding that lacked originality which was once promised, through scanty invention and notional scepticism, even threats that the opposite of knowledge is not ignorance but trickery, or a new artifice for the unfamiliar cosmology of cyber this and that. One can feed on the past as some kind of data bank but reality is already played out, like it has all been experienced at some point before now and lives on in loops. The information superhighway brings about amnesia when it comes to the mythology of self and those who are in the know or left on a darkened onramp. An engendered and commodified reality that has been based on the sales pitch of non-reality, for your personal distinction and significance in a cyber sea of anonymity, brought to you like a Benetton advertisement, the united colors of mixed race beautiful people because in this reality everyone is brighter and the implication, or connotation, is that of a collective exhaled hallelujah.

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Digital operates on a base number 2 system versus a decimal base 10 system. In this binary is on and off. The magnetized 1 is the on, while the off switch is the 2, which is absent of magnetization. This digitized binarism is nothing more than a mechanical theory for communication. A cultural model for better understanding of one another. Words allow for thinking. Thinking allows for output, which produces interaction, which can lead to relationships. In the absence of human relations the void can be filled with objects of nature, such as totemism, a universal representation of indigenous people in North America and Australia. These totems represent a code chain of lowly vegetable status, to animals then to the most heightened, the gods. And the glue that binds it is kinship within tribe.

Plot is the ordering of events which make up the story, or a series of interconnected micro-occurrences that have specific purposes. In this there is the establishment of connections, suggested causation and the revelation of character through action. It can be broken down to a five-part pyramid, beginning with exposition, then the rising action to a climax, then falling action, to culminate in a finale. Between the exposition and rising action there is complication. And before the finale there is resolution. Exposition sets the scene by introducing the character(s) while providing background a description, then inciting incident, or complication, as a lone event that sets off the major conflict. During the story there is rising action which brings about an excitement within the story. The climax happens when there is the highest sense of tension, then with the resulting falling action the reader knows the story will end soon. Key problems and conflicts are quickly wrapped up and resolved by the main character (or, sometimes, someone else solves it for them). The finale is the opposite of the exposition with any remaining mysteries being explained off by the author. If there is to be a follow up--or any future possibilities--like a sequel (or prequel), then the author will leave his/her reader pondering on the theme. Progressive plot is a chronological structure which sets up the conflict then follows with rising action onto climax. Episodic plot is a series of rising actions to climax, then to an ending before a new rising action to climax. This can be sequenced several times before a grand finale. Parallel plot has two (or several) characters who are experiencing separate but related storylines that will merge at the end. Each segment pushes the plot forward with the occasional overlapping of scenes, culminating with the characters connecting at the end (examples of this could be disaster stories or the aftermath of a single car accident). Flashback plotlines provide for a structure that conveys information and clues about something that occurred earlier, this allows for the story to begin mid-action to then have the story unfold, and the background to be filled in throughout the story. Flashbacks and sidebar reporting may happen to consume the reader's time or provide for relief from the main action. This is the attempted structure of On Becoming Yesterday's Actors and although it appears to be experimental it has been carefully curated.

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In recent years the phenomenon of erotomania hitherto relegated to a more dubious labeling of "stalker" or the act of "stalking," has taken on a mediated focus in the glimmer of this most exotic psychotic syndrome, with an additional attention from the workplace and law enforcement community. Even politicians have taken up the cause. With the advent of the internet, stalking is no longer confined to a quiet devotion for celebrities, as it has become mainstream and an everyday occurrence. High drama exists in the playbook, and the mind of the stalker is certainly a case study for any armchair psychologist. Pop culture has embraced it as the quintessential form of expressing lust and desire in a deadened romantic world. Its growth has multiplied with the arrival of the world wide web and the ubiquity of electronic surveillance. Other forms of online crime have overtaken the collective analog old world curiosities of previously non-pursued lovebirds by the lovesick and love forlorn. Regardless, it has become an evolving syndrome that further burgeons within the digitalscape. Whether the rejection is perceived as real has the potential to be a critical blow to the stalker. They may now feel like the victim, the one being toyed with, and as their fear of abandonment flares up so does their obsession, resulting in a preoccupation that blurs the line between fiction and fact. A heightened sense of entitlement feeds the fantasy and any holes in the story are filled with made up details. Since they lack normal coping skills they cannot recognize the boundaries of others, resulting in the logic that if they are suffering so should everyone else. Power plays of guilting will be deployed as well as the invention of emergencies in order to elicit sympathy, and to prolong contact they will make empty promises or play on your insecurities. They will control their own agenda through twisting your words and saying things like "after all that I have done for you."

Manifestos are loosely explained as a public declaration, or object lesson, that can range in any subject matter and convey ephemeral or avant-garde ideation, or more carefully detailed rhetoric. What may have started as a way for warmongering princes and kings to vent, the manifesto now is consumed as free-flowing thought or something more complex and engineered with deliberate pulls at absurdity or emotional triggers. In the ambition of the manifesto's author is the outward manifestation of his/her thoughts which can demand the impossible from the reader in its unpredictability. There is often talk of technology and future, much is aligned with advertisement and the pulls of devices and techniques to ply your attention to where it should not be taken. There is a sort of rebirth for the manifesto with the onslaught of new media and the platforms for its deliverance. It has become possible to get a wider audience, and a guarantee that it will be read, even if by the authorities posthumously. There can be a charming quality to the genre as the humanistic approach, with all of its authenticity, is a refreshing reminder of unironic anthologies in an ever-ironic time. Manifestos should have that mind-blown quality to them, with nothing left off the paper. Almost as if it is your literary life's work that you started composing shortly after first learning how to write in kindergarten. The longer they are, the exponentially crazier they can become, but when trying to blow minds brevity is difficult and art is messy. An engaging narrative of fiction dressed as fact, or vice versa, brings about comfort in the flippant ghost story of how in our narcissism we push our aesthetic ideal through to death. In this magic we sling our hopes toward the sky while grounded in the mud of our hidden lives.

This manifesto was published as the platform of a single individual, first exclusively in English, later in French and Spanish. Its publication placed the author under threat of Fatwa from the Islamic State (IS). Originally a series of interconnected notes or ordinary thinking, it then traversed through the insurrection of the Cause, and after the mention of being banned for radical thinking it was reintroduced in a longer format. Before it could arrive in its current manifestation it had to go through stages of obscurity and of mild resurrection, then back to a struggled status where it laid in perpetual dormancy. But when it began to make sense within the context of the current state of society is when it recovered enough to exist in its current form, that of semi-autobiography. The very events and vicissitudes of the Struggle of Man, be it through external forces or from internal monologues that range from disgust to victory, it could be argued that the insufficiency of society is better for this Opus of Understanding, bringing new clarity and light to the forefront once again. When it was written it wasn't considered a political hit piece or other form of indictment against society and her ills. It was reporting and nothing more. On one hand, it could be understood that the writing had the potential to bring about a utopian system through the adherence of the suggestions and a deeper dive into the more untouchable topics of a weakened society. Social grievances were muted by an easily triggered class, and nobody was powerful enough to make the necessary changes. Each historical epoch garners a mention of some work like this, the blending of an intellectual and political mind for concern and dissolution to what does not work within the context of tribal culture or identity politics, and other potential consequences of a coddled nation who is no longer able to fend for herself. This work has the potential to become a historical document and therefore should not be altered.

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As actors we must be susceptible to how we appear to others, how we come off through their cinematic lenses. Within the onset of childhood there was a mirroring effect of that one-on-one with our parents, that permitted us to see ourselves as more than wonderful and worthwhile before the up-creep of shame or lack of worth that settles from the inevitable dysfunction that arrives unannounced on the shores of adolescence. Those that repeat the behaviors--like acting out sexually--are simply attempting to re-experience a semblance of love. In the later years with a projected sense of being on film, of having those ghost eyes bestowed upon your every move, you push away the image of being damaged goods and in this process your self-image overtakes your self-esteem and any hope of recovery lags behind the show you are putting on for those within your close proximity.

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This book is not about Generation X or the Boomers or Millennials but there is a need to understand them, in order to see how they differ in thought and symbolism, with self-focus as a newer concept in the larger scope of humanity and the navigation of individualism into uncharted territory. Loose language with bigger imagery with words like introspection or growth even abstraction. The blame game labeling of each generation that they are complacent with unfulfilled potential. The shedding of New Age remakings by the hippies and the counter-culturalists while searching for the inner-childhood. Generational tics of buzzwords and bantering mantras of life hacks and groupthink have nothing on the individual's private unswayed thinking. Not all of it is about fundamentalism to the generational cause. You can solo navigate within the frameworkings of the hallmarks of virtue or guage the barometers of what constitutes a meaningful life. For Gen X there was a well-calculated fusing of the moment and one's self. When finding the experience of seeking to be an end in itself. So that fulfillment can be derived from manifesting inventions of individualism, versus the running theme of group reliance. What the Boomers couldn't swallow was left for the Xers to wholly ingest.

For Generation X identification to occur there must be a sense of insignificance, something inherently within but also as part of the context of generations that preceded, and those who will follow. A fractious group (X) that moves forward without unearthing an exalted past for the sake of revival, as any coming of age rollout is a mere approximation thinkpiece spotlighting how close we had gotten to the cliff. And the narrative always ran counter so there was no need to revisit it, as you are not a legacy maker in waiting. Beyond the mythology that yours was a generation of protagonists who saved the 21st century is the mainstreamed hushed rally cry to opt-out. Ambivalence is your art form and when done well dismisses your successors to curbside recycling without explaining yourself.

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You may see nothing of your life reproduced on these pages because of paranoia or your troubled hyperreality, however there may be blissful content to be found in this work, something that can reflect back at you with a mirror theory that you will find what you want in the representation of your own realism. A doctrine for adequate truths when reality has become, for the sake of discussion here, simply obsolete. Your emotional infrastructure outstripped and now a variant for future possibilities.

Acting can be the best vehicle for learning how to live. As an actor you get to become other people, affording you the opportunity to better coexist with others. You make less judgements of others because you retain a lasting empathy for those you have portrayed. You carry on their pain and perspectives as you become more human. You depart from the provincial and become a world citizen, as you become better at compromise. Once you are warmed up and have established the fundamental principles of performing you are ready to take on the relationship with the script. Within the confines of rehearsal you are allowed the procedural questions of "what if" and the calmness of a newly found joy and wonderment.

The soft-core aesthetic of suggestive poses, the positioning of a thigh in a provocative manner, or cleavage under certain lights, may include levels of undressing or seductive facial expressions including half-closed eyes or parted lips with a fixed gaze toward the camera while the backside is arched to emphasize breasts and buttocks, something from a bygone pin-up era now presented as the embodiment of control, power and whimsical seduction as intimacy is redefined.

There is freedom within, there is freedom without, try to catch the deluge in a paper cup. There's a battle ahead, many battles are lost, but you'll never see the end of the road while you're travelling with me...Crowded House

VIII.

MISTRUST

VERSUS

TRUST

Babies demonstrate levels of trust through the depth of their sleep or ease of bowel movement, maternal provisions as mutual regulation that balances out discomfort which is brought upon in the homeostasis of birth. With time comes familiarity, repetition and the willingness--with some encouragement and comfort of routine--to let the mother out of their sight, to run counter to predictability. The resulting sameness builds the foundation for ego identity, and the anticipation for correlated imagery and sensations that bring about the predictability of life. A constant testing of the inside and the outside world is done through a prototypical tendency to assure comfort by withdrawal and the habitual behavior used to recover from sensing the physical reality and social meanings, this being the origin of projections and introjection as defense mechanism from the certainty of inner harm. Yielding to testimony and reason in the common crises of faith, trust and love, and those irrational viewpoints toward the enemies in our midst, the woke adversaries that are aligned to somehow take us down. These enduring patterns are rooted in the nuclear family and its patterning of mistrust, taking task to the ego and any remaining questions of derived demonstrations of love or madness. The psychic life results in an inner division of a paradise forfeited by a bloodletting of nostalgia, with the mantra that all that is abandoned will revisit you throughout life. There is a continual sense of our youth that comes to us in our adult years as tooling for maintaining normalcy or an actuality that begets a youthful fervor. Religion can best play a touchstone role in surrendering to a greater good, or the manifestation of an actual provider, in this case some other adult who is your parent by proxy. Praise is exemplified through prayer or fear or fantasy or the complete giving in to the emotional instability of your subject, a comforting codependency that relaxes you because now your emotions do not belong to you. Tribes create their own magical narratives to somehow make sense of the supernatural and the appeasing through self-mutilation or prayer or other form of sacrifice. This layered atonement seeks out vague deeds that can restore a sense of wholeness, or godliness, that battles the maternal matrix of kindness and reverence.

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Weak perceptual acuity is the deadened ability to understand nonverbal cues. This is best exemplified in the misconstruing of behavior from love objects. As with any simulation on a delusional plane, where there is romantic attachment there is no longer meaning. Or the confusion when misinterpreting social friendliness for a sexual invitation. This is most heightened in those already vulnerable, where psychotic functioning is constantly testing reality. In these compromised social customs, there is a lack of alignment with the culture that surrounds the subject. Due to impairments in the feedback looping, they are unable to comprehend social reinforcement and as a result they trade empathy for perceptual inaccuracy.

A consensual hallucination of cyberspace applies to any space generated by the multisensory experiment of otherworldly realities which take control of your main senses and hijack the thoughts of those participating. An artificial landscape where strangers can talk, shop, make plans, chase dopamine, and be dominated by the disembodying experience, and it is within this cyber realm that corporations garner more control than government and the most augmented experience is out-of-body. In the short years since the mid 1990s on-line enthusiasm has spawned a computer/device dominant non-culture with every citizen carrying on their person a high-def camera, both video and still, with an expected burden and ability to document their every move. The interest in new media has allowed for the increasing trend of publishing videos and photos of sexual performances by ordinary people in private spaces. Sex tapes and do-it-yourself porn have allowed for a new avenue to celebrity. The ambient voyeurism quality of the internet allows for different versions of reality, and within this differing versions of the "truth" when it comes to the emancipation afforded from self-expression. New gendered power relations pull away from the concept of being surveilled to a more comfortable position under a watchful gaze, where the subjects possess more informal social control.

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On his deathbed. Those words that catch attention like the flame to kindling, that there is something more we should know. This secret past cannot be lost with the exodus of my soul from this mortal's shell, then the pleading that whatever confession that was to come was unnecessary, shhhh, try and relax, it will all be okay soon enough.

The tapping of the eucalyptus branch from the wind against the aluminum siding outside the bedroom a metronome aural reminder that you were still alive and with the slowing of your heartbeat the hope for a syncing attainment to the rhythms, that breeze somehow inviting you into her folds. This confession may involve a major unsolved crime or some hidden fortune or whatnot, as the warm tingling in your crotch region wanes as the fentanyl has permanently mainlined your lower half. It's like forgotten states, when we talk of the mainland versus the Hawaiian isles. She is out there and she is a pretty destination but she seems further still and as if she has sunk into the ocean for the next several millennia, until her volcano gods can somehow muster the energy to deliver future islands.

Before you learned about your affliction you thought it normal to be so shut down in the company of others, that the real extroverts had something figured out and the lower-level life adjusters had best play by these rules of ill-forgotten attempts at gain. It wasn't until the group sessions that you learned you were not nearly as damaged as those everyday lives full of hidden pain and sputtering trauma. How could someone's codependence run so deep that they had to mute their stereo at stop lights to not infringe upon the personal space of the person in the adjacent car. With some time you realize whatever you do really is not going to be good enough so your level of excellence is a very low bar of just getting by, of looking into the mirror and knowing that the face staring back at you is the world's physical manifestation of the disgust that you feel when any thought of your ego surfaces, or when you compare yourself to others. Those that always win and are good looking and have no problem meeting new people. Internally there is an ebbing storm of equal parts disgust and bewilderment for what kind of twisted MFer you have become.

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Misogyny was most alive in 1970s punk, and a revelry in transgression for how men could communicate in newly unchained ways, with nuances toward privately-apocalyptic behavior, while personal anarchy was big even if most didn't explore the concept. But this turned out to be nothing more than a set up for two decades in when grunge arrived with its conveyed moans of turning cultural expectation on its head. In this new machismo was a self-effacing satire for gamma males to rail against the boomer trauma. There was potential for revolution in the failed masculinity and disdain for hierarchies. Lyrics consisted of high drama within an internal conflict. It wasn't until nu metal in the early aughts that pain was expressed in a more guttural and personal sense. Terms of endearment that Gen X, who were now starting careers and having kids, brought into the new millennium a dusting of self-annihilation. Concurrently the pre-birth of social media and the quiet end to the analog experience. With the death of grunge went the pre-digital world. X was now the only connection to that life and tasked with the storytelling, and aggrandizing fables to future generations.

The lens is the magnet that draws your face toward wherever it is. The key is to not mislead the eyeline but to motivate it, and if both of your eyes cannot see the lens your face will appear obscured. Angling your shoulders toward the camera looks better on film than a straight posture, as with anything projected within the frame's hot area, the predicted action takes on big gestures with those performances for the back of the balcony, or something more based in reality with its truth played out for the more intimate theater setting. You can will yourself to the close up by just thinking on it, and the closer you get with the expanded distance the bigger the loss of reality from the frame.

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From Industrial Society and Its Future, by Theodore Kaczynski, aka The Unabomber (1995):

10. By "feelings of inferiority" we mean not only inferiority feelings in the strict sense but a whole spectrum of related traits; low self-esteem, feelings of powerlessness, depressive tendencies, defeatism, guilt, self-hatred.

11. When someone interprets as derogatory almost anything that is said about him (or about groups with whom he identifies) we conclude that he has inferiority feelings or low self-esteem. This tendency is pronounced with minority activists, with terms "negro," "oriental," "handicapped" or "chick" for an African, an Asian, a disabled person or a woman which originally had no derogatory connotation. "Broad" and "chick" were merely the female equivalent of "guy" or "dude" or "fellow." Negative connotations have been attached by the activists. Some animal rights activists have even gone so far as to reject the word "pet" with its replacement "animal companion."

12. Those who are most sensitive about "politically incorrect" terminology are not the average black ghetto-dweller, Asian immigrant, abused woman or disabled person, but a minority of activists, many of whom do not even belong to any "oppressed" group but come from the privileged strata of society.

13. Many have an intense identification with the problems of groups that have an image of being weak (women), defeated (American Indians), repellent (homosexuals) or otherwise inferior.

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In those quiet moments when you think you somehow have a handle on life and your relation to the causation and effectiveness of you versus the world you delight in, these driveling misgivings, like the initial moments of manic bliss when the alcohol first hits your blood and calms your nerves, the hyped up thinking melting to let you know there remains a stillness within you, and that somehow you need to summon the angels before the devil.

To be self-esteem appropriate is to balance your pride between sinful vanity and a submissive internalization. If you can believe in yourself you can control your own destiny. An internal locus of control will direct a self-serving bias in everything you do. One viewpoint is that we are all inherently good, but just living in a bad world. And that our self-serving bias will correct us into accepting success over failure, and choosing good deeds over bad ones. Within this is favorable self-ratings. When in this dimension we find ourselves as the most socially desirable and better than average. Along with this comes a sense of self-justification, where you believe that if you are involved then it must be good. Your fingerprint or stamp of approval goes far and wide in influencing others. Haters will refer to it as cognitive deceit, or some form of overthinking your own beliefs. Your thoughts will sway toward a positive bent over the more accurate negative narrative. This discerned tendency allows for wishful future thinking and artificial perceptions that outcomes will be a series of positive events. Finally, we believe the flattery and hype over the facts and results of the immediate past. Our personalities are aligned with the attractive people and we default to a superiority complex way of thinking: a blending of satisfactory thoughts aligned with self-serving bias. The pervasiveness of this false pride manifests itself on an exponential scaling through the digital realm, almost as if on a feedback loop, the more that is loaded into the machine the more artifice is returned.

Thoughts like these are fortunately confined within your busy mind not letting any clue or mention out into your immediate environment or circle of influence. Your thrift store Ray-Bans affording you a semi-mask shielding from the possible leakage of these ideas and the shame attached to such whimsical calculations. Saving you from having to explain yourself to a stranger with a babbling non-explanation of how this thought leads to that one, then the sequential logic involved in deducing what connects to what. You are not some mathematician that can formulate the who when and why, as some tend to say, it's above your pay grade.

The 1970s were all about oil shock and deindustrialization. America distancing herself from her own identity in the wake of Vietnam and Nixon, and a malaise that would be turned up onto itself in the punk rock scene and birth of hip hop. Graffiti brought upon a sense that control had been lost, but it was merely symbolism in the shifting from modernism to postmodernism. There was no longer a distinction between audience and performer, everyone was in on the gig. A conquest of cool and the commodification of a fermented landscape of culture into consumer products rang into the 1980s. Sleeze and glamour were molded into an androgynous existence, something of Bowie that planted itself within the grunge movement of the early 1990s. Those young boomer performers who had hijacked the irony for a new generation that would soon be referred to as X.

You could put a $20 bill in your scanner and set the scanner to its highest resolution, perhaps as high as 2,400 DPI, scan the bill and drop it into an 8 megabyte file onto a flash drive and print it out at a local self-serve printer. But, as the American $20 bill is the Treasury Department's most high-tech counterfeit-proof, it won't look completely right. It has been well designed by the Department of Engraving to deter any form of casual counterfeiting. But the attraction with twenties is that store workers do not run their iodine pens to check for them to be counterfeits. Problems that can arise in the scanning process is the cameras picking up details that the printer cannot replicate so that when printed on an inkjet printer it comes out looking muddy and incorrect to the eye, as household (even commercial) printers cannot reproduce the brighter shades needed for the light-colored hexagons, as their mechanisms cannot go fine enough. The work around is to test-print your scan several times while fine tuning the overall tones, and most importantly practice aligning the back and front sides of the bill to get something realistic. The resulting bill can be good enough to pass off to the naked eye, as long as the recipient doesn't look at the details. Avoid passing it off on people who deal with lots of money, like bank tellers or wait staff, as they can feel counterfeit bills because the paper is wrong. There is a special crispness to the paper used in real currency as it has been squeezed with thousands of pounds of pressure in the printing process, to make it thinner and less prone to tearing. Suggested distribution of the bill would be strip clubs, at convenience stores (only with younger workers who will not notice), and to hand out in envelopes to the homeless.

Emotion memory and the seeking out of truth on the stage awash with those inherent techniques to attain the most elusive goal of the actor's quest, that for emotional truth. Pseudo-theories and misapprehensions may obfuscate the actor's art form whereas the fundamentals bring about a welcome lucidity. Any coincidence is merely self-aggrandizing anecdotes of further idealized emotional dynamics. Unified in the complexities of character empathy and generational renaissance, acting has remained a practice resilient to change over the last two hundred years. The sanctimonious mystification of the craft obscures the structural paradigm between the actor and his/her audience, allowing for a one-way feedback loop of praise, even if anonymously. Upended on this model is the digital broadcast of a solitary performance by a modern actor, whether it be an unsolicited dick pic or a driver's seat monologue sales pitch for a multi-level marketing scheme. The doing of acting void of character representation, and other disguised elaborations from the ambient projection, manifests a gratification of fulfillment lent to the performer being without the need of audience engagement, while ultimately resigned to a wired performance for the sake of pre- and post-production.

Somehow solitude became a currency, for sale at such a high price, with its implications of madness and that being labeled a loner is a contagion to what it is that we are not trying to do as a society, that inclusive thought and action are the new normal, and you just wanting to be left alone is something scary. A lone wolf, a lone actor, a lone player. When seeking solitude brings out the armchair investigators, those one-off psychological diagnosis machinations, check-list charlies, that you thought this and acted like this so it must mean this. A recklessness in doing everything half ass and finding solace in the results. Red flag warnings for the half-concerned.

Low-dominance incorporates feelings of self-consciousness, timidity, shyness and a general sense of inferiority. However when one is within the confines of their day-to-day, like driving to work or getting the kids ready for school, they will claim utter dominance in the confidence of their ability to get it done, almost a rare talent for the skill sets required to get through the mundane aspects of daily routines. But take that individual out of that comfort loop and this is when it feels like the hidden cameras have turned on.

Impending holidays would bring joy for the children, that warm feeling that you summoned when alone together in a room with the outlay of cheap presents, while you take it in as an outsider adult unable to relate to such joy, causing you to withdraw further into your cocooning exoskeletal safe space shell. Courage comes in bursts through the pictures of people smiling, those Colgate smiles, lost to the cold comfort of plastic-covered sofas. If only you had a visqueen shield for the trauma you endured, a stronger protective layer for all that is laid waste onto your soul versus spilled condiments or human secretion onto velvet or corduroy cushions.

You didn't want to consciously enjoy the moment as you knew it was receding before it began, that warm and fuzzy rush that in this moment right now life is perfect, while time is suspended and the only thing that matters is the present. But because it would be gone before it arrived you stepped back to let the kids take it in, for them the moment lasted longer and the trade off to that is they will have no memories of this particular day, except for the pictures digitally archived on a cloud that will be accessed for the slideshow at your funeral.

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You squinted through the phalanx of floodlights and local news tripods going on record without a prepared statement asking for the public's help in locating the attempted kidnapper of your daughter. What could have been a scene of mylar balloons and stuffed animals bunched into a pile as some makeshift vigil for the mysterious disappearance of a female toddler from the mall parking lot has turned for the less melodramatic with no real victim, just the perp and a cautionary tale that the worst nightmare of any parent is still one misstep away from becoming their own reality, and in the manifestation of the missing child that vacuous feeling of your flesh and blood positioned at some unknown distance from where you broadcast now a plea for the public to dial into the 800-line with any and all information for the potential of a cash reward. This incident resulted in no actual abduction as the father was able to wrestle the perpetrator to the ground to free his daughter who ran for mall security. When mall security arrived they found the father had pinned the assailant to the concrete ground. Mall security zip tied the potential kidnapper's hands. What specifically happened after that is still under investigation but the attempted kidnapper was released before local law enforcement arrived. He quickly fled the scene on foot. He is described as in his early 20s, medium build, Latino, and possibly a vagrant. The incident is now a police matter and the mall is cooperating with investigators.

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Examples of grandiose delusions and other problematic appraisals: "I would spit on the light bulb thinking if I watched the saliva burn I could find the cure to autism" or "I could write books on theories of anything, even epic American novels or compose some opera bullshit, because nothing is beyond this Renaissance man and his profound significance" or "I have a personal relationship with God and a friendly working relationship with New York developer Donald Trump" even "The rock band Queen was the 1980s version of Milli Vanilli and I am the real vocalist to those recordings." After the initial event there is a physiological arousal in this altered cognition. Attributions of personal meaning are increased and conveyed with a sense of interpreted consequence, with dispositional characteristics underlying the dynamism. There is a vulnerability to the hypo/mania and grandiose ideation, whereas any internal personal appraisal would discover a "possible self" amid the aspirations for fame and other longings. Relapse manifests in the amplification of first-person perspectives and cognitive distancing from a third-person perspective. There is a greater tendency for rumination on future events and magical thinking toward grandiosity and other predictive levels of excessive stimulation.

When asked by an interviewer in the early 1990s if he had ever used a condom, American actor Jack Nicholson responded: It's always a problem, you can't feel your wanker. Look, I have Reichian therapy in my background. Early on, I had problems with that most common kind of impotence, being quick, suddenness, which is actually a kind of jitter from holding on too hard and not feeling things, which is part of what we're talking about. It's all about actually feeling it, not in some locality but in the larger sense of the experience passing through your being. In my lifetime, from World War II on, the world just got freer, just by nature. And then came along, now we have the Death Fuck. And when this idea became popular, the sex-negative, pleasure-denial momentum of the world, I mean, it just got to the point where 'I can't do this anymore.' It was no longer the full catastrophe. So I went to my doctor and got a very specific scientific analysis, which boiled down to, unless you're a shooter or something else, you're as likely to have this problem as to have a safe fall on your head. I mean, look at it logically. If you understand numbers at all, just by geometrical progression, if it were all true, everybody's dead by now.

When potential goes unused it will knock on the door of your psyche begging to be utilized. Going untapped leads to further mental atrophy which diminishes any chance at an emerging potential, or some new talent or offering by being in the right place at the right time, what you could call laws of attraction, really just anything to truly fulfill one's existence without banishing personal security while simultaneously giving rise to new potentiality.

As with any sociological vogues of our times, the overtones of stalking have drawn the attention of the tastemakers and politicians who talk about cyberstalking as if it is nothing more than a sensationalized melodrama du jour. Even armchair forensic psychiatrists strive for a piece of the bonanza. The rekindling of this meta-cottage industry transcends clinical esoterica, descending into a deeper enmeshing of a bygone genteel romanticism.

Your intermittent fasting allowed for a certain clarity from brain fog coming about from either chemtrails or the drinking water. All conspiracies aside, something was causing it and you were not alone. So starving yourself for eighteen hours a day helped with peeking your head out of the curtain of some government-imposed malaise. And then when you had your first meal of the day, you needed to be careful, it couldn't be carb-heavy it had to be gentle like a protein shake, or hard-boiled eggs. Dinner consisted of salads because anything else would make you blow up in size, because as adults there is one pound per year permanently gained. You were determined to defy the "dad bod" label, and if only in your mind, be that hot father others murmured about at the playgrounds.

Social networking sites encourage individualism within the public sphere, introducing new avenues for intimate self-expression in the form of confessional narratives or sexually suggestive imagery, with distribution as the goal and the belief that the content is rooted in the most ultimate domain, that of an empowered exhibitionism. This liberation of shared intimacy is an affront against traditional boundaries resulting in the mainstream's push toward further pornification. The individual's offer of continuous self-representation enhances simulation and a subdividing of the virtual space, building up a sense of autonomy while empowering those conventionally considered to be powerless.

When you google things like how to talk to strangers you go into incognito mode, not because you are specifically hiding something from your spouse but you are exercising the privacy that has been afforded you by technology. Out of context a litany of search queries may not make sense in the event of your early demise. You there dead, unable to speak as the key witness at your own trial. What kind of twisted person would google playgrounds near me and white middle age suicide. Deeper dives into the correlation between say a 50-something guy deciding to take his own life by hanging himself off a door knob and the link to the arm tattoos he got in his forties. Both later life choices and the wonderment of why the delay until now.

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Actual digital recording of conversation between Richard Rusself, 28, of Sumner, Washington, and flight control, in the one hour and fifteen minutes of his solo flight of a stolen 76-person Bombardier Q400 turboprop plane. Russel was a ground crew member who, according to later reports by the FBI, instigated the unauthorized flight without co-conspirators and on a sudden whim:

Rich: I've got a lot of people that care about me. It's going to disappoint them to hear that I did this. I would like to apologize to each and every one of them. Just a broken guy, got a few screws loose I guess. Never really knew it, until now. I'm down to 2,100. I started at like 30-something.

Air traffic control: Rich, you said you had 2,100 pounds of fuel left?

Rich: Yeah, I don't know what the burnage, burnout? Is like on takeoff, but yeah, it's burned quite a bit faster than I expected.

Air traffic control: Right now he's just flying around, and he just needs some help controlling the aircraft.

Rich: Nah I mean, I don't need that much help. I've played some video games before. I would like to figure out how to get this...make it pressurized or something so I'm not lightheaded. I don't want to hurt anyone, I just want you to whisper sweet nothings into my ear. Hey, do you think if I land this successfully Alaska will give me a job as a pilot?

Air traffic control: You know, I think they would give you a job doing anything if you could pull this off.

Rich: Yeah right! Nah, I'm a white guy.

Air traffic control: If you wanted to land, probably your best bet is that runway just ahead and to your left, or the other option might be over Puget Sound, into the water.

Captain Bill: Alright Rich, this is Captain Bill. Congratulations, you did that, now let's try and land that airplane safely and not hurt anyone on the ground.

Rich: Alright, damnit, I don't know man, I don't know, I don't want to...I was kind of hoping that would be it, you know.

(15 minutes lapse)

Rich: I'm gonna land it, in a safe kind of manner. I think I'm gonna try to do a barrel roll, and if that goes good, I'm just gonna nose down and call it a night.

Air traffic control: Well Rich, before you do that, let's think about this. I've got another pilot coming up, pilot Joe, in just a minute here I hope. And we'll be able to give you some advice on what to do next.

Rich: I feel like one of my engines is going out or something.

Air traffic control: Ok Rich, if you could, you just want to keep that plane right over the water, maybe keep the aircraft nice and low.

Rich: Just kind of lightheaded, dizzy. Man, the sights went by so fast. I was thinking, like, I'm going to have this moment of serenity, take in all the sights. There's a lot of pretty stuff, but they're prettier in a different context.

Air traffic control: Do you have any idea of how much fuel you have left?

Rich: Oh man, not enough. Not enough to get by. Like, uh, 760? 760 pounds?

Air traffic control: Just flying around the plane, you seem comfortable with that?

Rich: Oh hell yeah, it's a blast. I've played video games before so I know what I'm doing a little bit.

Air traffic control: Ok, and you see all the terrain around you, you've got no issue with visibility or anything?

Rich: Naw, everything's peachy, peachy clean. Just did a little circle around Rainer, it's beautiful. I think I've got some gas to go check out the Olympics mountains.

Rich: I wouldn't know how to land it, I wasn't really planning on landing it.

Rich: Sorry, my mic came off, I threw up a little bit. I'm sorry about this, I hope this doesnt ruin your day.

Rich: Man, have you been to the Olympics? These guys are gorgeous, holy smokes.

Air traffic control: Ya, I have been out there, it's always a nice drive.

Rich: (inaudible)

Air traffic control: Hey I bet you do. I haven't done much hiking there. But if you could start a left turn and back towards the east. I know you're getting a good view there, but if you go too much farther in that direction I won't be able to hear you anymore.

Rich: Hey pilot guy, can this thing do a backflip, you think?

Rich: I wouldn't mind just shooting the shit with you guys, but it's all business, you know?

After a 4 minute lapse in communications the initial report came into air traffic control that a plane had crashed into the sparsely populated South Puget Sound Ketron Island.

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As the internet can never forget, the permanent digital record which was once a blessing can now be viewed as a curse if used maliciously. The lost control over distribution of a regretful dick pic, or a damning catfish email linked to your IP address, are all new facets of the digital realm with unexplored ethics and legalities. Because of the pervasiveness of computers and internet connections throughout American life, there is an underbelly of unmediated sexual interaction woven into most aspects of society. Humans have been historically under surveillance, that of God's eyes, or within prison systems where the watchful eye begins to dictate the behavior and actions of those surveilled. Because of modern media technologies there has been an invisible trap set in the ideological vision, shifting the power relations between the professionals and ordinary folk. A reciprocal viewership between the producer and the viewer loses that sense of surveillance as the producer considers him/herself a viewer as well.

Much has been made of the war on drugs and the somewhat false notion that the government cares how you spend your time. But when the drug dealers are putting out a good product that will override any government attempt at interference, especially some false effort for the sake of looking like the authorities care. The next level addiction front is well-designed and orchestrated by dopamine (dope) pusher programmers and Silicon Valley king makers, the real narco state that promises a good time on intangibles.

In the quiet hours of dawn is when the starkness of the reality sets in that maybe she is not coming home. That the size 9 girls shoe tracks that end at the offramp may be the last clues, and the final traces of her time on earth. Or perhaps everyone is worked up for no big reason and the next report you hear is that she appeared in the mall parking lot, disheveled but intact. She will talk of missing her family, her friends and most of all the comfort of her unicorn-themed bedroom. Perhaps there is still evidence to be discovered and it's really just bad police work. And still within the possibilities is that she is disoriented and lost her way, but urgency arrives with each passing sunset. The drumming of daily staccato tasks take the backseat to the disrupted perception of a continuous image of the missing child poster, and what must be going on in the minds of her parents, even the kids from her school. That deep of night mind buzzing charitable offering of thoughts and prayers slide showed against the horror of her possible raping, and how in these moments the mind is deployed as its own torture device, allowing for the wildness of heightened wonderment and fantastical thinking of all that may or may not be happening. Her heart may no longer be beating but the pulse from the community thumps. Things like this don't happen here, you remind yourself.

What started as something uncomfortable you now find comfort in. The ease at how online searches bring to you--yet sometimes incorrectly--what you did not know you needed to begin with. A search for airfare leading to ads for far-off resorts, or a purchase of a dress for your wife now propagating ads for feminine hygiene products. In these moments you know that artificial intelligence can never fully do the job of humans. Algorithms like to think they have you all figured out but if they can misgender you what else is at stake?

You learn that modern smokeless gunpowder is made by combining cellulose with nitric and sulfuric acid. This combination is pressure cooked resulting in nitrocellulose, the basis of gunpowder, and has the potential to explode. Ammunition that is intended to be used in handguns or rifles will use this gunpowder as it is considered a slow burner, allowing for a consistent push through the chamber, with a coating added to act as a flash suppressant, minimizing the field of the gunpowder disbursement. On the shooter it is usually deposited on the hands, face and clothing. Residual spray may include particles of the cartridge case as well as the projectile's primer. Forensic technology cannot determine links between particular firearms and/or munitions and residue. You learn that the larger the presence of residue the closer in proximity the shooter was to the victim, therefore in the case of suicides the presence of gunshot residue in the hands of the victim is of little probative value as there shouldn't be anyone else involved or present at the scene.

Lovesick for a begotten time when there was more connection in the disconnection, when we lived without devices on our person, when nobody knew our location for several hours or even days, you there mysteriously going about your life free of the burden of an audience, and without the impulse to share with others your whereabouts because that type of information was not only irrelevant but boring. Why would you want to signal that you are dull when you are already struggling with projecting somewhat of a more than stellar version of yourself through manic laughter and other distraction tactics like being busy.

Reproducible reality has quantum leaped with the advent of the smart phone and its photographic capture abilities, representing reality in a new way unknown before this technological stage. The autonomy of authenticity's anonymity is rendered mute in the face of the magical aura manifested through un-reproducibility and other one-off charms of this mass replication.

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The concept of America as a bedlam of boredom is not given much energy and is rarely spoken of because we are in it together, or because a husband does not want to give life to his wife's complaints of a dull routine. Complaints that we are nothing more than furniture in our own homes, and then the silent rush from thinking of meeting strangers online, of feeling important for a fleeting moment, that thrill ride in being the digital paramour of a stranger.

Listening to music on earbuds will give a sense of heightened verve for you as an autobiographical documentary subject of one, when that favorite song hits and your step becomes slightly weightless and you ponder that if there was a movie made of your life that this song must be played in the intro, or maybe over the closing credits, and then the thought of how much it would cost to acquire the rights for the film, how maybe you could get it free because you are awesome and you could single-handedly revive the career of this or that musician. You had that sort of pull. Guys would want to be you and women would want do you.

Those alcohol-fueled dinner parties where the childless folks would over-do the Pottery Barn presentation of their lives, the exquisite food and high-priced wine. You preferred the cheap stuff because after your second glass nobody is paying attention to tannins or aromas. At this point it is an alcohol delivery device to fuck you up into oblivion to forget about the phantom toddler you aborted and how now that you are ready for motherhood somehow it's not coming about as easily and if you had decided to have that child your life now would be better, single mom or not. There are men who are okay with being step dads, even older dudes who have children of their own. It could have been a blended family. Without the repercussions of having to breastfeed a baby or pour cereal for your toddler at 6am you go harder with the wine and start telling stories about that one time your uncle on your mother's side touched you, as you stand up to demonstrate where he touched you on the lower back, just above the tramp stamp you got at eighteen, the big bow above the package that you now hide from lovers by not allowing doggy style. Since you have such a nice ass, or so you have been told, your lovers are left to think you are hiding a bad case of butt acne. With the final descending thought being that maybe you are not meant to have children and since the world is overpopulated with an existential environmental crisis incoming that perhaps you have done the right thing, for the good of everyone, by foregoing motherhood.

Everybody is acting at all times, the difference may be that you are a highly experienced participant or someone who has never been to a class. You can be skilled without much experience. Acting is used to enter groups, to survive within crowds, or even to be left to your own devices. When trying to figure out how to best behave this is acting at its finest. What do you need to play down, or play up, in order for the rewards from your audience. Holding back a little on what your audience came for, teasing them with a slow roll out of what they believe they were promised. You do this to survive but you also do this to not come off as compromised, as you are best at hiding what is really going on.

There are those who are on the receiving end of something casual, while being caught up in the inadequacies of married life to someone who low-key humiliates them through passive-aggressive behavior that has pervaded every aspect of the relationship over years of harbored animosity, from the early stage charm offensive when seductive behavior was applied to now with the gaslighting and killing of any dreams or fantasies. Her remaining sense of self within the "us" being that at one point she did matter and was important enough for his attention.

There are those who get annoyed by human sounds, like light coughing ahems or sniffling, chewing loudly or allowing for a kitchen sink to drip water. This hypervigilance is to their own detriment because it results in them not being easy to be around and those that are aware of this misophonia become insecure with their own human noise-making, such things as a light cough because you are coming off a respiratory infection or some low-grade sniffling from this season's new pollen. When we placate to this disease by holding it in we now are walking on eggshells, a common term for when you have fully ingrained yourself into the position of codependent in the gaslight tango of the instigator, somehow establishing that tiny sounds are the work of the devil and that you may need to visit an ER for that sniffle. It's not normal and you are not normal.

You have trouble sleeping because you have been online all day, 16 hours to be exact. In the infinite scroll you do not have time to consider if you should log off. The stimulation in the digital domain is ever enticing and no different than other addictions. Further immersed, you are pulled away from stopping points as you simultaneously become less aware of your dependence. In this you seek out entertainment from your device, inversely making you a less resilient person and instead of turning inward for critical thought or for self-soothing you turn to the torture device.

Everyone knows that porn is fake in the sense that these folks are acting, but there is the question of how do you "act" up a raging hard-on? How do you fake all of that exaggerated juice flowing from every hole. You get that there are tricks to camera angles and medicine like viagra or cialis and lube, some that is clear and tasteless, but there is an undeniable passion on the screen. Even if only a fleeting chemistry between two people who may be in relationships with others, yet somehow they can magically suspend that biological monogamy. Actors like to talk about how hard their work is, that sometimes shoots take up to eight hours, that some producers don't even have in the budget catering and the only meal the female talent eats is an energy bar her suitcase boyfriend brings to set. While he is not allowed in the room during "action," between takes he is tasked with bringing her her phone so she can disconnect from the hot lights and slip into an oblivion of social media judgement.

The viewer accepts a confined world, one without conflict because now he has synced up his desires with what plays out on the screen. There is anxiety with any freedom so the confines become important in building a wall of fortified protection from the outside elements of concerned family members or co-workers. With this safety comes the surrender required for the submerged despair of years of resentment manifesting itself in self-destructive behavior, as if the only way out is through personal demise.

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How to Create an Anonymous Email Account in 3 Steps: Use a VPN (Virtual Private Network). This will create an encrypted tunnel, keeping your private info away from the data analysis of your internet service provider as well as throwing off the scent of your IP Address, often to servers in foreign countries; Utilize a more private browser. You are most aggressively tracked through cookies and even with the use of anti-malware software your activity is reaccumulated as fast as it is cleared from your cache. Even "incognito" or "private window" browsing, although it may not keep historical tracking data, allows for your email address to be tracked back to the IP Address that sent it. For browsing try "Tor," which incorporates the concept of onion routing, layering the data through anonymous servers. This technology was developed by the United States Naval Research Laboratory; finally, utilize an anonymous email. Phone requirements can be bypassed with a small donation to a passerby to use their phone number for a quick text link. When going for absolute anonymity use a disposable email account (often referred to as a "burner"), with the upgraded quality for self-destruction. Most free email products have a kill switch that allows for you the user to set a self-destruction date on an email, often this is deployed for not wanting to receive spam emails after a certain date with a particular company. You are free to use this option for your own protection as these workarounds will most ensure your anonymity when contacting strangers without the threat of your identity being exposed.

The unnerving comes from the constant presence of the stalker, the sudden appearances that reveal a certain acquired knowledge of the victim's planned movements, leading to questions of how this confidential activity was discovered. Fear is produced and re-lived through the constant intrusive contact. Discomfort comes from the perceived threat and manifests itself in an unrelieved state of siege. For this reason, a throttled approach of shadow lurking allows for a better surprise element when the time for contact is to arrive.

When you are doing laundry you are reminded of the aging of your children, dirty clothes that once consisted of tiny onesies and bibs with yellow stains now segued into toddler sizes with badly-stained underpants, some that do not get clean from one wash and if a second wash cannot address the skid marks then their demise into a trash bin that you protectively dispose of on garbage day, moments before the garbage truck arrives, when you hear him coming up the block, setting off car alarms, as you quickly run out and place the panties bag into the can which is immediately dunked into the loading hopper and put to death by the packer plate. The things parents will do to protect their children from creepers and perverts, even if only a proxy situation of their stained undies somehow getting into the wrong hands.

UNINCORPORATED PART OF TOWN--Noah Conover, 21, was shot in the Sunrise Lifestyle Center parking lot yesterday. He later died at the hospital. A 16-year old girl also was shot in the incident, which took place sometime between 2am and 6am, according to mall security. Both individuals are believed to be transients.

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Even on off election years campaigns are now a constant event with as much as possible politicized, and midway into a presidential term there are already a couple dozen candidates for two years out and you wonder about the amount of money spent on these campaigns and ponder who these people are that are donating several hundred dollars on average when more than half of Americans are one paycheck away from homelessness. These candidates do it primarily out of their own heightened sense of narcissism but secondly to raise their name recognition on a national level, this in order to sell books and demand higher speaking fees. Much like the term "Oscar nominated" does for actors, "former Presidential candidate" does for corporate events and Kiwani meet-ups. It's almost as if there is a track meet to outrun irrelevance, that proverbial graveyard of fame afforded has-been musical acts at state fairs or Indian casinos. Like the dustbins of pop history, to stay relevant requires keeping your name in the news at whatever cost, through outrageous ideas or by calculated gaffe. There is no stronger a get off my lawn moment than when some activist presumes it is okay to post a yard sign on your dead grass, even if it's a proposition to lower gas taxes.

Perceptions control interpretations, memories and everything that you already believe. There is an overestimation to the accuracy of our beliefs, beyond the conceit of evidence or past knowledge. A phenomenon of overconfidence leaves us with the plague of being seldom right but never in doubt. Anecdotes and testimony impact the information and declaration of an exploited eagerness to further infer illusory strikes. A foible of this thinking resides in the correlation of personal control and jumping to conclusions based on split-second thinking. Nevertheless, the end result is a heightened susceptibility and conviction that misperception of random data or fact is a mere inconvenient byproduct to your own truths.

Issues of identity have conventionally assigned boys with their jobs, and girls with their future identities attached to husbands. This was what you talked about as a small child and culminates two or three decades on. For her, the sex role is based on how she will perform as a wife and mother. Will she be good or negligent. Will she be faithful or will temptation cause her to deviate. For him, adolescent dreams of being a fireman or cop or veterinarian will manifest itself in those specific fantasies or something lesser like a security guard or mechanic. This will be a direct sifting of realities versus what plays out in the well-cultivated mind. Adolescent dreams compared to the starkness of reality. It may lead to insecurities or a complete disconnect from the outer world. A checked-out patina to a dulled reality. The girl may equate this to her own yearning for a fantasized sultry vixen-like lifestyle instead of her drab loneliness. There are no rehearsals for this as life is a linear event that plays out without cuts by a director.

You wrote a book about a cis-gendered male who casually fell into jihad while simultaneously transitioning from male to female. It ends with s/him as a female suicide bomber who detonates inside the Ferry Building of a once glorious San Francisco. The book didn't receive the backlash or outrage that you had expected. In the lead up to its publication you worried about fatwas and perhaps having to take your family into some exiled hiding. Those big repercussions never came to be. At least not yet. It's as if Islamic radicals like to pick and choose who to target, that there are varying degrees of blasphemy when it comes to Allah, even though there is no distinction in the Quran. Selective outrage may simply be a case of them not having gotten around to you yet.

Social justice warriors would like to argue that how you choose to live your life is nothing more than the continuation of a patriarchal structure of hate, racism and ignorance toward the authentic struggle of the oppressed. That you having a same-race wife and two children who you raise in line with their birth genders (females) is somehow archaic and that you should feel badly about this and reconsider how you can be so hateful. In many ways you simply do what feels natural, and perhaps that is the inherent problem. There are folks who need struggle and friction in order to function in life, but you are not one of them. When life is easy, like being in a mutually-beneficial relationship, some need to blow it up through unneeded aggression and fighting. You are doing nothing more than acquiescing to your societal norms, to what you experienced growing up and now relaying intergenerationally. This time, however, without that intergenerational grief and trauma that many parents transfer to their kids, you conduct a conscious de-traumatizing of the kids for the sake of society, so that when they are adults and out of your life, or when you are dead, they will not be a burden on society and certainly will not be assholes.

Many leftists or social justice warriors will argue that the American white male is the problem and that there is no blame to be cast on anyone else. The responsibility for all things negative goes without praise for instances of a collective success or other societal advancements. Within the confusion of these claims is a running dogmatic verve that gaslights any opposing thoughts, so you are left thinking am I going mad or can they be right once again?

There are those with damaged abilities to love or to maintain intimacy, while those same people often replace that void with a heightened sexual potency, essentially their sole talent is projected in this confidence, and within this may be a general incompetence with everyday life that is counterbalanced by a veiled super power for sexual proclivities.

Conventional normative ideals of sexuality and being situated within the bounds of multiple networks of a global mediated culture stretches the boundaries of contradiction and implication while performance opens up room for a recirculated expression and reiteration of the retrosexismscape. Much like other aspects of postmodernism herein lies the ironic disguise of pop culture's alibi for the last decade or so of a nostalgic malpractice in the democratization of desire and the transgression of over-played imagery to the detriment of authenticity. It wasn't always this way, and it needn't be going forward.

Before small children began sleeping in your bed, you enjoyed moments of dark of night repose or the early morning hours when you would trace your lover's profile with the tip of your finger, or playing blind man deciphering the outline of her body's figure. This would lead to more intimate body parts and eventual sex, so in the end it wasn't really something veiled as the erotic but quick foreplay that ended in climax much faster than films like to portray. The alarm clock on the nightstand the only gauge in the room of time and from start to finish how it seemed to not record any duration of significance, simply relaying to you that your performance is on a scale of varying levels of rapid and quick.

You try mind altering substances to give your hard-working brain a break for a minute, some of them work and others fade away in potency. Then you may hit upon that one which delivers the dopamine just right, making your skin pop. Nothing pharmaceutical or anything that would string you out. The stuff that you could only fantasize would one day exist. Making you dream of solitude in a cabin in a forest all alone with nothing but a laptop and a strong wifi connection.

Not long ago you had a solution to the homeless crisis, it consisted of homeowners opening up their garages as shelters, converting that space from storage to housing for up to four people. The numbers penciled out and it would be a solid resolution but then you factor in issues like tweakers who would dismantle the homeowner's water heater, or the foul odor of the transients back flowing into the return flow of the whole house fan and gassing out the interior of the house with street smells while the family is trying to eat dinner. HOAs would sue, claiming these freedoms were never in their charters to begin with. There would be incidents where the homeless got into the house while the homeowners were at work or school, accusations of assault on children, missing frozen food from Costco kept in the garage freezer, traded for drugs, and crashed cars taken for joyrides.

The comedown brings with it a lowered self-esteem, and a diminution in energy and capacity, a loss of creativity and a creeping in depression. There is a muted helplessness as you can't really talk about what is going on, and as the intensity wanes you know this experience is unique to you and, as nobody can begin to empathize, you are most alone.

Your wife ordered from the internet a coffee cup with a picture of you on it holding your first daughter when she was one. It was a thoughtful gift but you use it as a pen holder as the cup is too small for what you need in a coffee cup and the picture, even though it is only a few years old, looks like something from decades past. You were much heavier and wearing women's sunglasses. It is an embarrassing picture immortalized in ceramic and too personal to sell off in a garage sale or donate to Goodwill.

The internet as the anti-illusionist theatre, that of the mask, gesture and movement, where one does not identify with the part but with the physical formulation, embodying a social paradigm of the fully realized physical composition, allowing for one's audience to retain their own awareness of the actor and the self-reflexive presentation. Where the human body's limits end so begins the natural signage of the soul, and in this overtaking the manifestation of a diametrically oppositional phenomena, that of the psychological versus the social. Any creative tension within the character's inner-life can be channeled into the unconscious with the dual approach of an incorporated holistic emphasis.

You come to accept that life is a constant state of triage, that survivalism kicks in to the detriment of long-term planning. As claustrophobia wanes to agoraphobia everything becomes possible in the reluctance of the confining bonds. You as a product still in the research development phase, and full construction mode. Better to-do lists, a clinical precision to your days, device-counted calories in and energy out. Accepting your past while intent on self-reinvention, you have this feeling that in your geriatric parent stasis you have barely gotten started. Information awaits on how to get that youthful glow and the nubile body, and results without others knowing your secrets. You labor under an oppressive narrative that has you desiring to never be a loser again. It's about effective strategy and not telling others what to do. It's about interacting face to face again, and being part of the solution. It was your unchecked optimism that led to the Gulf Wars and a real estate recession, not to forget the dot com bust. Like the marketplace it was about that overflow that trickled down.

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Post-Generation X generations did not have a priest in the dark booth for confession so their outlet became a broadcasting to anyone that would listen regardless of discretion or tastefulness. First person stories of trauma and all that had been disposed upon them in their childhoods made for intriguing fodder until the societal response became numb, and even questionable in the wake of fake accusations, like the semi-annual media event confessions to murdering Jon Benet Ramsey or the primal scream scandals of the late 1970s. When the self-declarations began being told in the third person is when the professionals became worried. That splitting off of the authentic self became a way of casual spoken conversation. The third person took off and the question became, was this a soothing technique deployed by trauma survivors or a new component to the celebritification of society. A further disconnection can exist in the deploying of TMI (too much information) and the casual revelations of details about one's health, the color of their menstrual blood, that possible miscarriage, and the over-glorification of one's sex life. This oversharing is a result of living in a more open society, one with message boards and every conceivable outlet for broadcast communication. But it's also a response to their parents' throttled policies of modesty, and, regardless of the levels of embarrassment, a collective dismantling of outdated notions and modelling.

Pornographic imagery has a gendered nature with a long history of finding female sexuality to be receptive and passive, while male sexuality tends to be penetrating and active. Desire can operate in complex ways, and solo sex acts while consuming porn should not indicate that the experienced desire is fully lived out. There is a narcissism that exists in the performance--and the reception--with invisibility in play regarding the masculine so as not to afford the audience any break in the believing, while the symbolic representations (bare skin, rapid movements, moaning) are the embodiment of desire. The performer is a plate setter for the fetishes in your private world, and the energy that is diffused in the process of your consumption is the porn articulating a tension between you the audience and the unattainable, with that private display for public consumption quality providing bodily satisfaction without any required social interaction. And in this fragile arrangement, as soon as inauthenticity is questioned, the plotline, along with the short-lived passion, is diminished.

Is there something strange about declaring that "we are pregnant" versus simply announcing that your wife is pregnant and the due date is such and such, and no we do not know the sex yet, and yes we are excited and yes we had been trying. When it is declared "we are pregnant" you cannot help but think that both the male and female are carrying some embryo that at some point transfers to the mother's womb to finish its natal growth before delivery. It could simply be a clever design by the male to set up the sympathy weight he will gain to then never lose. After all, having kids gives full license to the final succumbing of American life.

Nuclear family politics, if done correctly, require the shedding of your family of origin, whatever that was. In this advancement you mustn't carry forth the trauma from prior generations. This is only a tip for if you want to do it right. Some intergenerational trauma is healthy, but in small doses, like survivorship of the Holocaust. Hashtag activists will declare that we will never forget, and that thoughts and prayers are pointless. Low-grade trauma like watching on television the twin towers fall is something collective in the psyche of folks of Gen X or older, so as it is not unique to an individual or a group it doesn't count. The images of the falling people, those in business suits who jumped from the top floors, the floors above the plane crash, falling through the smoke then drifting with the wind, that is on you to sort out, because by now everyone has seen it multiple times.

Mirroring is when you meet someone for the first time and you subconsciously replicate their nonverbal signals. It is not subconscious on your part as you are there as a low-key puppet master building rapport while selling yourself. The goal is to become acceptable to a stranger, with all your flaws and inconsistencies. You might take on their posture, stand a little straighter, or even slouch for the pre-spina bifida subjects, those pre-wheelchairs. Pace of speech is good, if they like to talk fast you respond in quick bursts, or if they have a delayed nuance to the annunciation of their words, you languidly reply, all the while with a permasmile, signaling you are all in. Gesture and tone are important and this may require a manic response or using your hands too much. It may be uncomfortable for you but know that your subject is unaware of what is happening, the only thing they are thinking about is how much they like you.

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We can conceive in our minds most any infinitely great thought/vision or scenario, but when we do not have the powers to fully manifest such magnificence into reality, that sliver of differing void which lingers is the sublime: an un representable ness that exists in the invisible.

Studies show that most stalkers have only one victim, and within this only half of stalkers ever make contact with their object of affection. Most are found to be well educated and older, with a keen ability to track down their victims, even when evasive ghosting tactics are deployed by the victim. Many victims are chosen randomly, in passing, or through some other chance encounters, therefore there is potential for anyone at anytime to become the object of disordered attention.

Certain people are comfortable with arguing with strangers online but it's not for you. The few times you had commented on some news on a large platform and were subsequently attacked you were left with a bad feeling. A dark macabre mood sets in, like you received news that someone had died. Then when you regroup you realize the trigger is simply from a stranger shouting you down, even if they were right or wrong it didn't matter to how it left you feeling. There are those who engage on the internet and start what they call "flame wars" and in the shouting down of strangers fervently expose their own ignorance or hatred, even utter confusion. When people go so hard Left that they end up with Right-leaning stances, or how Antifa practices fascist tactics even though "anti" and "fascist" are in their name.

A friend likes to say, whenever the topic of trannies come up, that there are no chicks with dicks only dudes with tits. This is nobody's business really, but with the increased prevalance of sex changes and low-grade transitions there is the issue of sports and how the formerly-male now-female athletes dominate in their chosen sports. Before the town square mob shout down takes place, one should consider the ordeal of transitioning and the resulting compassion for that type of endeavor should outweigh placing in a sports event. So, be it with the weightlifting record, if you had the tenacity to cut off your penis this in itself can be viewed as your own proxy trophy.

With any form of acting, expressing yourself artistically is in itself essential to fully living your life as a performance piece. It's fundamental to feed the spirit and acting is where you choose to eat regularly. Can you collaborate while taking on candid criticism or the pressure from deadlines. It can be unnerving and uneven. Even messy at times with the irritability and frequent unhinged emotional components. When you put on that mask you can embody anyone yet run the risk of the new role overcoming you and when you flirt with madness you risk addiction. Meanwhile, acting can be a source of strength for those most desperately unhappy.

In the moments when you sense you are being watched the key is to be casual yet sophisticated, to have a nuance to each and every move, with a deliberation to your hand movements and facial expressions. Your audience is smarter than you give them credit for, and this is reflective in how they decipher your intentions through the slow effects of your cogitation.

During moments when you are alone with your children, say at a playground or in the car with them peacefully asleep while you drive and listen to talk radio or one of the compact discs that shuffle in your stereo's cartridge deck, you think about how in the near future, you will look back on this now as your glory years. The kids were small, they looked up to you, they relied on you, they didn't talk back, and they wanted to hold your hand when you walked. When they cast you in some kind of hero lighting. You were big and strong and your deodorant was manly and they liked it when you rubbed your whiskers against their foreheads. Now with each doctor visit you learn that they grew three inches and gained eight pounds.

For fresh blood use soap, cold water, ammonia, and hydrogen peroxide. Apply shaving cream to the affected areas. Let that set in then lather it lightly with a scrubber sponge. DNA analysis will be useless and inadmissible in court if the crime happened in the victim's house or vehicle, even tent. This is because all of the results will match the victim's DNA. If it happens in the primary residence or vehicle of the perpetrator of the crime, there is no way of getting away with it. For dried blood stains use a combination of toothpaste and Borax. Apply this mixture with a meat tenderizer. You will not be able to completely avoid detection from a luminol light as the chemiluminescence will light up the blood traces in glowing fashion. But what is of importance in this situation is the spray footprint of the blood, this will determine if the blood is from a knife or gunshot wound, or some other weapon, even blunt force. In the event that you are going for full DNA confusion buy some unsmoked salmon, shred it in a blender to a liquefied state then spray it around the room or vehicle. This will set off confusing DNA hits, and dirty the probing of genotyping.

What if you were black or Latino or say white trash? Of these options you would choose the white trash not because of the color of the skin but because of what is missing from the mind. You would embrace that ignorance and plight with abandon. Oh how so sweet it must be to not give a fuck while somehow thinking that you are a badass that lives with no regard for health, smokes like a chimney, drinks nightly, kicks pets, yells at kids, has a bevy of more fucked up relatives so somehow you shine. The white privilege debate is somewhat negated with the lament of the white trash but you do get the premise. It is really about families, and staying together. The debate should be more about broken homes. Why there is rampant disengagement by black dads, it can't be all about incarceration, maybe it's that black women are hard to be with. Then the thoughts of the Latino family, the dad who is amazing at drying cars at the car wash, the lead of the group who wears a headset and announces that "Silver BMW is ready" is setting a precedent for his four children that if you work hard you too can excel like me. And how the Latina mom has culturally appropriated white domestic goddesses by hijacking their athleisure aesthetic of tight leggings and those yoga ¼ zip pullovers with the bottom of the sleeve hole for your thumb to go through, finished off with white earbuds, leading to thoughts of what call is so important that you are awaiting, or are you listening to Audible in Spanish, spurring further cultural questions like do all women in Mexico wear granny panties under their leggings.

With the house lights always burning you can see your audience clearly and their frequent applause as a source for your liberation. Actors achieve the natural quality of portrayal in double consciousness--a form of splitting--something once reserved for only the most genius of actors. Whether stage tears are real or tricks of detachment, or a mere extra layering to the role, this style allows for enactment levels of formation, implying the simultaneous presence of both the actor and the character. Shaping the imagined modeling for the character based off of provoking emotions, and the private emotions now playing out as a function for the indistinction of irrelevance. Emotional identification running parallel to the levels of self-styled expressions and environmental theater, while pretending to be anyone else but you amid the loss of contradiction in the collapsing of the shapelessness. Provocation happens and this is when the audience learns to analyze themselves. Any dilemmas are resolved in the displayed layering of methods and involvement. Crucial is when the actor presents to the audience a conviction of illusion for reality, and with other facets of daily life a style of detachment in the rendered situations of believability. That baseline mutable process of social reality making believable the fiction and illusion of the actor now unmasked.

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To avoid the label of sexual dissident, if even only in your own mind, you attempt to engage in mainstream adult content, but there is a problem of agency in the constrained optimism of a terrain that is repetitive and predictable in its misogyny and male dominance. You are concerned that re-creation or reproducing may result in you lightly choking out your wife while you are on top of her locked in missionary, or pulling a handful of her hair while taking her from behind, and the minor whiplash she will awkwardly mention the morning after. You remind yourself that these tendencies are merely artifacts of the zeitgeist, the ever blurring of boundaries between production and consumption, the performers and their audience, exemplified in an amped-up version of reality in what was once a private exchange.

The first case of internet revenge porn occurred in 2010 when Hunter Moore created the website isanyoneup. He had difficulty sharing nudes of his girlfriend with a friend so he created the site as an easily accessible platform. Within the first week there were over 15,000 unique visitors. He then opened up the site for user-submitted content, with the caveat that the victim's name and address be included, for age verification and authenticity purposes. This resulted in the victim's name being indexed into search engines and a bevy of stalking incidences ensued. It wasn't until a year later when the site published its first photo of a full erection, which happened to belong to a well-known Hollywood actor, that a movie studio instigated a lawsuit that caused the site to go dark. Speculation was that Moore took a large cash payout to shut it down. The site's legacy lives on with revenge porn thriving under a more anonymous approach, with even a fake element like stepmother porn, that brings about a similar thrill without any certain authenticity.

In Internet slang, a troll is a person who starts quarrels or upsets people on the Internet to sow discord by posting inflammatory and digressive, extraneous, or off-topic messages in an online community (such as a newsgroup, forum, chat room, or blog) with the intent of provoking readers into replying. Depending on their anticipated audience, through worked up versions of him/herself, they manifest parts of their inner-psychological world within the context and confines of throttled anonymity, gender beliefs and sexual orientation. Without the restrictions of interpersonal interpretation they claim sexual power and positioning via indexed language markers, terms like "bitch slut" or "cuck." Anonymity is the enabler factor in these interactions because of the internet's ability at remaking one's self. Conduct is shaped by the cheering on of flame warfare, even encouragement through threatening language to connect outside of the anonymity. Within this is the complexity of the internet's interactive expression, the multifaceted incivility and quasi inability at discussion through boards or other elements for pictorial content, with the free expression both the disease and the medicine to heal.

35. Everyone has goals; if nothing else, to obtain the physical necessities of life: food, water and whatever clothing and shelter are made necessary by the climate. But the leisured aristocrat obtains these things without effort. Hence his boredom and demoralization. (T. Kaczynski, 1995)

Inventive mutations happen in vast stretches of time and work off of the base idea that first life was sparked by a single gene that now endlessly multiplies itself through an evolutionary process, much like man-made machines and artificial intelligence. The creation of two chromosome-defined sexes, while defects are made to die off to lessen the disadvantaged. Cave drawings then windmills to the atomic bomb to the interwebs.

Women who have a difficult time with being a mother or wife are those who have denied their femininity. Pathologically they are feminine however the symptoms exhibited run contrary to the full investment that one typically makes in their husbands or children. Some of it can be linked to arrested development, some to early menopause. This is what society must compete with and the denial can sometimes be fatal.

Being content with your status in life is a difficult goal to attain, and if acquired requires a certain protection. When you see Hollywood actors being interviewed at a junket for a new release and the interviewer asks "How are you? Like, really, how are you doing?" and the actor responds, "I am in a good place, really, it's all good." This is where we should all aspire to get to. You know from the tabloids that said actor had recently experienced some personal drama, an arrest or a stint in rehab for an undisclosed substance problem, so you know they are vulnerable like you. You know they might have a dusting of body dysmorphia, much like you. You know they may have gotten a DUI, similar to you. What they have that you don't is money but they make it very clear that money has not made them happier, in fact it has led to a certain misery. You know if they can project a cultivated élan for living then you too can do the same for your audience.

Mediated exhibitionism is loosely defined as those amateur performers who expose their naked bodies online. This can include the exchanging of nudes or some other ambient performance, through the ever-evolving various means of digital communication. Rooted in live production and traditional methods of conveyance, with the onset of the internet there is a newly afforded widespread ability for broadcast, as well as a defiance against conventional analog social controls. Virtual space has afforded new abstracts for body image acceptance, and through the magnified interactive quality of the internet new desires as a result of the ever-widening offering of authenticity in the devolving digital presentation.

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Xers practiced Aikido rebellion, when you go around authority or turn it toward your direction. There was a pathos to avoid the limelight and to not allow the media to label them. Instead of the Boomer workaholic mantra they went hardest with getting a life. And there was a marked absence of nostalgia for previous decades, especially the most glorified decade until then, the 1960s. Japanese cars, functional clothing, navel rings, and the early days of mainstream tattooing. Their politics was cautious conservatism. It was the last days of kitsch, when memorabilia consisted of pet rocks and cabbage patch dolls, an affinity for ET and TV shows like Dallas or the A-Team. These were the first children to be born during the Age of the Pill, so there was something special in their simple existence, a verve that the odds were in your favor and that your birth was likely welcomed. During this time the Boomers were experiencing their own mid-life crises, coinciding with the 1980s label of the Me Decade, and this, by default, forced the children to become more self-reliant. It was as if Gen X was raised by wolves when their parents' relationships became unraveled and joint custody became the norm. The beginning times of two working parents and a newfound affluence that led to its own materialistic backlash later in life, with money associated with the lingering childhood neglect. This led to what is seen now in self-credence and pragmatism. The dysfunction of family led to the analog seeking out of strangers, with the random assemblage of whoever you were to meet in real life, and staying in touch with those who had house phones. Their parents lived to work while Gen Xers worked to live, they were not going to experience downside consequences of their success, like bad health or divorce. They practiced management of objective (MBO), getting their work done at all hours, and this resulted in the label of "slackers," and the mislabeling of what was to become a more effective model of work/life balance efficiency. In contrast to their parents' childhoods in the 1950s, informality was killed off as too stiff for kids who were inventing casual Fridays. Growing up with Bush Sr saying to read his lips, they were accustomed to getting burned and as a result had less faith in others and held their optimism guardedly. They grew up programming VCRs and microwaves but now possess a throttled eagerness with new technology.

When people aggressively embrace their movement, whether that be the gays or environmentalism (as examples), you cannot help but detect a tinge of manic energy that is emanating from somewhere else in their psychic makeup, that funneled fuel for expressing disgust or another new existential crisis, like their own personal apocalypse is now yours baby. Do you flaunt your heterosexuality through virtue signaling or screaming Where my straights at? The idea of inclusivity forging its own wedge into the discourse of togetherness and one love, while in this ever-loud society can the noise of personal declarations be quieted?

A warning sign of an impending dangerous personality trait is the nervous fatigue that comes about when one is a stay-at-home dad or mom. That justness to the description of how they occupy their days and the bloodletting loss of qualities like attractiveness and the sharpness of a challenged intellect. Within this isolating identity is a constant focus on children and away from anything else, leaving the mind to fluctuate within a greyed-out void, much like sleepwalking yet still focused enough to execute rote tasks.

Sometimes it takes intrusive thinking to get you where you need to be whether that is spiritually or emotionally, the thoughts of imposing physical harm on someone within close proximity or a suicidal action like driving your car head on into a roadside pole or tree. The thoughts that a pole can be replaced but the tree could sustain damage and be forever marked with lost bark, then the subsequent white cross and flowers and Jesus candles burning a short-term vigil for a split-second bad decision.

Despite the taboo of speaking ill of Islam there is a resurgence in certain crowds for the longing of a modern day version of the Crusades. Not necessarily full-blown battle scenes like something out of a Ridley Scott film starring Mel Gibson or Heath Ledger's hologram but something of a Western Christian pushback to the "invasion" taking place in Europe. It appears the only voiced opposition is the occasional Dutch politician who is quickly snuffed out by knife in broad daylight.

When we lose ourselves in the production of self-presentation for the external world, that involvement of choosing the right brands of clothing or hairstyle or makeup, cultivating a balance of fabric types and accessories, there is a diminishing quality in knowing it will all have to be redone again and again. Much like the house getting dirtied over and over or the endless dishes to wash. The process is set to repeat again with a better efficiency within the possibility of finding some pleasure in the completion of a masterpiece.

Case Study 1: Mr. X, early 30s, met a well-known local female restaurateur over a business matter. Even though the meeting was a casual affair, Mr. X knew that the restaurateur was more than smitten with him, that "in love" was not off the table. He began to send her flowers at work, and an array of emails and even snail mail. She denied any kind of interest in him and ultimately filed charges of harassment. This action he considered to be nothing more than the frustration of "love pangs." He left his wife and children over this "affair" as he needed to devote more time to her pursuit. After a few police-involved incidents the restaurateur went into hiding until Mr. X could be committed to a psychiatric program within the county jail.

Knowing what you know now you would re-do so much of your life, and that re-design would require avoiding meeting certain people. All of the incorrect paths you tend to take are caused by the new connection with the wrong person. It's as if when you hit middle age your most ardent life skill may be the ability to undo relationships. To get to unknow someone. The cutting of ties, losing the number, ghosting longtime friends. Going dark online. Being less codependent and taking on a more "you are now dead to me" attitude. As time becomes a more valuable asset you cannot allow for it to be wasted.

In the face of opposition by younger generations you find solace in the Dunning-Kruger effect, knowing that it isn't about you but it's about them. Mostly how they were raised and if their parents are not to blame then their lack of humility is a collective fault of society as a whole. Their illusory superiority is nothing more than their own inability to access a metacognition or self-awareness that if used correctly can aid any adult in the navigation of life. Their miscalibrations nothing more than errors stemming from a misled sense of self.

One particularly long evening, while you laid in bed with three other heart-beating souls sharing an Eastern King mattress that had once been on a frame but now was on the floor so there was less of a free fall if someone was to roll off, you reach for a small chest to see if you can feel movement of breathing. Thoughts of abnormally high numbers of SIDS invoke a certain hyper-vigilance but it ends when you are overcome by helpless thoughts of what you would do in the case of an emergency.

VII.

SHAME

VERSUS

AUTONOMY

You arrive at the accessibility of introspection, in those ways of behaving around others, of how to conduct yourself in order to get more of what you want and how your inner-consciousness can, and may, project to the exterior--essentially how you come off to others. In this meta-thinking you project to an audience of one, yourself, or to the larger populace that circulates in your ambient proximity. As babies this means new muscular abilities like sitting up on your own, then the big reveal of your first steps and the adoring response from your parents. The rush from this praise can lead to a new set of expectations that may be difficult to sustain or obtain as you get older. Newly acquired skill sets aside, it can be difficult to hold onto these patterns, to intimate a sustained predestination for praise. In a hyper-awareness for performance you can mitigate in your simple mind the passing of bowel movements as a ritual of cleansing, anything to unblock the compulsive doubting. In this exchange is a battle for suppression and for self-control. To be cooperative or willful in the balancing of the ratio for hatred and for love, and the ultimate result of shame and doubt. There is much negative banter in this flushing out of the preoccupations with sentimental influences either unneurotic or with clinical precision. You may feel under attack if you voice concern or draw any shred of attention to your own potentialities. Religion can be used as a crutch in these moments, something ethereal to reaffirm your will and to delineate any of the high forms of daily life. The onsetting of rightful autonomy in the form of confident expectations that there is something more and somehow you are deserved of such. An autonomy placed into a child in the early years that with time is modified for survival and reassurement. There is the wonderment of existence that morphs into a faith in creation, and with that a respect for life and the freedom of choice. Compulsive neurosis is a self-regulating source of frustration that carries into adulthood and determines how much guilt is absorbed. In the visibility of your days is an ongoing invisibility of self-consciousness that can manifest itself as rage which is then turned inward and against oneself and in the outer world revelation a sense of badness with the voice of the superego telling you that the gallows of the onlookers may have sinister eyes and any accompanying doubt is normal as you are exposed as a fraud and systematically taken down as the impostor you really are, and that your will can easily be dominated by others. Your own autonomy is exposed as available for vulnerability and to be invaded at the time and choosing of an unknown other. This is why we can literally shit ourselves out of fear.

With chronic use, and it always ends up being chronic, there are resulting symptoms of Hutington's Chorea, an uncontrollable spastic arm or head that may dart back and forth, much like a speed freak. It can be upsetting to witness and leave the viewer wondering if a stroke is playing out, but as the rapid movements wane, after a brief settling of the nerves in the spinal column, your appearance returns to normal.

You may take your life for granted but you need this reminder that you are a winner and not just today but from the moment of your conception, the silly banter of you being the fastest swimmer in your daddy's ball sack has some truth to it, you there as a spermazoid among thousands ejaculated into your next incarnation, then beating the odds by surviving miscarriage then onto the risks of childbirth, followed by pediatric cancers, high school car crashes, overdoses, and suicide. In these moments, never forget those before you who have paid the price for your statistical survival to now.

As soon as your wife and you moved in together, many years ago, you knew, even though you were still a fairly sexually relevant man, that you would never sleep with another woman again. Coming to terms with monogamy even though it goes against the grain of nature, your caveman mind thinks about numbers, about spreading your seed into as many holes as possible. In the early days you treated it like how some would treat addiction, by making it through each day and not being overwhelmed with the term forever. Even if monogamy doesn't seem natural it is indeed good for society, and with age comes a sexual hibernation of sorts, in that your options are further limited so even if you did want to wield the big dick at a crowd of folks it may no longer be a good idea.

When you go online to voice an opinion you do this with a certain audience in mind, but the audience you imagine is far from the reality. What you think up as a crowd of folks in the comfort of their living rooms, all snuggled up with a fresh bucket of popcorn, awaiting your sage advice or quirky opinion, is really nothing more than a friend of a friend who clicks like on your posts because they click like on all posts, or out of some compassion for the neglect of your attention.

When you do deep dives into your childhood you pull from the bad as well as the good, and in the remembrance of things you look past the rosy tint of the lens for which you view certain monumental moments, like the rage in your mother's eyes or pouring your daddy a drink. This now juxtaposed with the freedom of a rope swing on a hot summer day into the fresh river water. Mental inquisitions into the formative years that made you who you are and how you react to certain people, also what you allow others to impose upon you and how they treat you.

You become worse through self-acceptance, by learning of your shortcomings and limitations and those consequences of no longer being able to live behind a facade of perfectionism. This may include making sacrifices for others or keeping your sexual instincts in line. There needn't be shame attached to your most naturalistic behaviors, and the instinctual limitations of what you may have become. Seeing things under new lights, with the waning of attitude alters and other unbridled inclinations, it may just be temptation presented as an opportunity for growth. It could be a formula for losing the ability altogether. Lost in the moral distinctions are more mental abominations with the problems of the sinful habits being the inabilities to see through the fog, and how in the illicit mode it all seemed to be a good idea while afterthinking disappears.

You overestimate the federal government and its ability to actually produce results. There was one year that the only accomplishment from congress, for an entire year, was the naming of eleven post offices. Legacy of your name on a building or a stretch of highway is reserved for those most dogmatic Americans who find valor in the false conveyance of appreciation, like the parting retirement gift of a Timex. Your forty years of slinging stamps, or when you were shot and killed by the fugitive you pulled over for a busted taillight. Sacrifices repaid with naming rights.

Writing as a profession need neither be masculine or feminine, because it is essentially a ground plan of substituting arbitrary differences with real ones. Beneath the superficial distinctions between men and women is the underlying sameness potential to exist or perish with or without an audience, because you can either have an accepted voice or no place in the dialogue. It is an art form that needs to be practiced, much like sex, to permit for any kind of development. What may emerge in this transaction is a libidinal energy, furthering the functions of human capital. Whereas there is potential for a flippant post-human elitism, that of performers with wildly outsized genitalia or elaborate capacities for performance, you still find comfort in your own sexual immateriality and immaturity. It has come to the point that you no longer care, that your fear of missing out has flipped to a joyfulness in not knowing. In your post-recreational sexual life you feel less domestically compromised and affected by mediated influences, as your carnal resonance begins again with a smaller capacity, and any and all stimulation or play is appreciated as such.

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UNINCORPORATED PART OF TOWN--Jacob Montgomery, 19, was one of three shot to death on the night of March 3. At the time of his death he was living on the streets, according to his grandmother. He was found with two unidentified friends in a crashed Ford Focus. The vehicle was split into two from a head-on collision into a utility pole. Investigators have said they have yet to determine if all three were shot before or after the crash. Forensics say it could be several weeks before any conclusions.

The sexy selfie can be pathologized as the taking back of certain body aesthetics while postponing sexual desire. The act itself is self-authorship and an empowered exhibitionism through a visual narrative. Image tells the story best within the internet's space of virtual reality and the scope of socio-cultural context from the sexualized self. As a result of the selfie there is discourse instigated on the pathologized self, the mental health of the taker and any related dysmorphic disorders, even psychosis. A moral panic can even arise from the surroundings of the set up. Screen theory brings about the concept that there is cinematic representation in the means of production of the selfie, with the voyeuristic male the idealized audience. So it is done with him in mind, the overall representation of the face, its expressions, and the positioning of the body. The constructed effect is that of objectified agent of representation, encouraging an identity of self as something between self-enacting and gestural, with the authenticity solidified in the re-taking and editing, further proof that a certain goal aesthetic had been achieved.

Friends and family are thrown around loosely as endearing terms in our fragmented society. For the best discounts at major retailers just hold off until the "friends & family" event. The average number of online friends is at 388, while real life friends hovers at nine. This does not include family members so there is that. Researchers say that it is difficult to maintain more than five friendships. This could be referred to as your "inner circle." It has something to do with brain size and attention spans, and with any average it is a numbers game so there are some popular folks out there maintaining ten friends while there are countless who have zero.

When you go for walks in town with your children in their stroller you listen to music on a portable speaker. Your oldest daughter has similar taste to yours, or could it be that you have groomed her into liking music that was written three decades before her birth, which brings about the awareness that intergenerational music tastes are not so guaranteed as you would never listen to Big Band. You play the music, mostly synthesizers with uplifting lyrics, to offset the visual storytelling of human blight you are subjected to with the homeless that line your city's alleyways. A pumped up vigilance has you on high alert for possible attack. You are reminded several times per day to order bear attack spray to pack in the stroller, regardless if it is illegal to carry on your person.

Humans don't live in the present as the ideology of superegos perpetuate a narrative of the past as well as a hopeful outcome for the near future. In this there is a cementing of traditional thinking about things like desire and race without much emphasis on improved intellectual progressivism, meaning forgetting to grow. This superego drag is common in all walks of life and is not unique to any certain one subset.

Part of any larger story consists the element of history, or historical reference. Something lost on subsequent generations after X. There is a more focused obsession on race and sex, and intrusive thoughts and resulting actions. A meta type of existence that dwells and fixates on the present without any reference or forethought to all that has been addressed by others before now. A de-layering of segmented context, and overreaching of new American values, while feigning attempts at personal management through the idiosyncratic melange of styles in the nexus of preferred pronouns.

Contrary to what Social Justice Warriors promise is the crisis of our times, the trans movement has only become an issue in the last few seconds of modern society. Where were all these trannies when you were a kid. What was once the cross-dressing transvestite has now taken on the role of the American dad who had a secret fetish for trying on his wife's fanciest panties, now shaving his Adam's apple and embracing a sustained pre-op stasis to prolong the inevitable questions of chopping it all off while basking in the glory of new attention from those that recommend you live your best life now. Because only you know how to do you best.

The day spa you visited for the full body massage didn't come with any overt offering by the Asian lady to touch you inappropriately. Signals are important as it can never be assumed that these places go for rub and tugs without some gentleman's agreement or high frequency of visits for something off the menu to be established. Talk of trafficking is nothing more than media hype for more attention to what really is the root cause of everything that ills this nation and its supply and demand. America may only be 5 percent of the world population but is its most voracious consumer when it comes to illegal drugs and other vices, like enslaved girls.

Case Study 2: A fan had been stalking a famous teenage tennis player for well over a year. Her mother was alarmed, as his presence at all of her practices was not considered normal. Furthermore he would phone her coaches to offer unsolicited advice on her techniques. This saga ended with him stabbing her on a tennis court. She did not die, but everything leading up to this was labeled "emotional terrorism" and has since haunted professional womens sports. In interviews he claimed to work for the CIA and that his sperm was being used to impregnate professional sports WAGS (wives and girlfriends) to create an elite generation of super athletes.

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Grunge upset the notion from earlier music and art that there had existed some authentic optimism. It means nothing meaningful when nothing has meaning, or something along those lines. A nihilistic protest to the last days of analog life, and the corporate takeover of how you should consume. The video game disconnect of Gulf War I, and the hijacked American dream of latchkey breakaway and burn the ships ethos from a dead-to-us nostalgia. The epidemic of identity fell victim to playing it out on live TV within a hostile American terrain. Columbine school shooters bunking the idea that everything that is sputtered out is art. But there was performance art within it, as was the shotgun suicide of Kurt Cobain. That post- this or post- that quality to the origin of any manifestation, if even for a fleeting moment of fame or notoriety.

Shopping at big box stores is frustrating in witnessing the collective trauma on the people, both workers and shoppers. Some stores are better for people watching, and even have pleasant sights of healthy and in-shape moms going about post-workout toiletry shopping, those clean looking women whose only flaw may be a lone fading tattoo that they now regret immensely. Then there are the incredibly obese who never get out and when they do get out it is to the store to load up on bad diet fare and to yell at each other out of stress from being outside of the comfort zones of their living rooms, bedrooms and kitchens. Folks who wear their trauma well. Massive in size, they didn't start out like this. It was a conscious decision in their teen years to build that fat buffer so the predators would not find them attractive. Or the botched piercings and tattoos that came about as a way to take back ownership of their bodies. Now it is nothing more than a spiraling shitstorm of type-II diabetes and failing thyroids.

With the general collapse of conventional male/female marriage, with more ending in divorce than not, why not incorporate gay marriage into the fold? Even though it would seem by conventional knowledge that gay men like to bring the most drama, and how some may even get off on physical violence, the real domain holders of domestic violence instigators belong to lesbians, with much more psycho drama and propensity for physical altercations. It could be a result of the weaker lipstick type pairing up with the more aggressive bullish dyke, and the insecurities attached to conventionally beautiful women dating manly chicks with phantom dick syndrome.

Seminal event log for the early years of Generation X:

The Munich Olympics

Watergate

Jonestown

Three Mile Island

Iranian Hostage Crisis

John Lennon assassination

Ronald Reagan attempted assassination

Challenger Space Shuttle disaster

Lockerbie Flight 103

Exxon Valdez tanker spill

Fall of the Berlin Wall

Desert Storm

The videotape recording of Rodney King's beating

The LA Riots

A challenge of modernity is the compounding emergence of technology on our feeble minds, brains that are not equipped for such crossfire processing, and eyes not evolved for screens but for savannah vistas. Longing for those awkward moments of childhood when you had to look a stranger in the eyes and smile, or scan the room you were in and form a safety story for those within close proximity. Abilities now lost on generations who are afforded the avoidance of any and all awkwardness by the simple act of pulling out their phones.

39. We use the term "surrogate activity" to designate an activity that is directed toward an artificial goal that people set up for themselves merely in order to have some goal to work toward, or let us say, merely for the quake of the "fulfillment" that they get from pursuing the goal. Here is a rule of thumb for the identification of surrogate activities. Given a person who devotes much time and energy to the pursuit of goal X, ask yourself this: If he had to devote most of his time and energy to satisfying his biological needs, and if that effort required him to use his physical and mental faculties in a varied and interesting way, would he feel seriously deprived because he did not attain goal X? If the answer is no, then the person's pursuit of goal X is a surrogate activity. On the other hand, the pursuit of sex and love is not a surrogate activity, because most people, even if their existence were otherwise satisfactory, would feel deprived if they passed their lives without ever having a relationship with a member of the opposite sex. But pursuit of an excessive amount of sex, more than one really needs, can be a surrogate activity. (T. Kaczynski, 1995)

Actors have the default self-perception of leading lady or romantic male lead. They may even claim that any other type of role, something more offbeat or quirky, is not easily afforded to them and therefore not in their repertoire. Their burden is to their public to delight that unique whimsy, and meet the audience's expectations to avoid any triggers from sudden change. In this act is an avoidance of savoring authentic aspects of your true self, while anything that makes you extraordinary goes unrecognized because you never explored it, so you cannot see it for yourself.

Devaluing of maleness has been orchestrated under a guise and labeling of "toxic masculinity," and a narrative of how male behavior promotes violence, homophobia, misogyny, and other ills that were once explained off as boys will be boys. Was it not toxic masculinity that won the crusades, that won WWII, and built the foundation of western civilization. Or is modern society lost at sea and this is why the devaluing of women and seeking out of wanton violence is normalized.

Men and women of the same age tend to have different opportunities at their disposal. There is a sustained youthfulness to men that can carry them into their fifties, allowing for geriatric fatherhood. While women with their marked aging, not just externally but internally--say menopause and other rigidities--find their pathways to be limited in scope and once-begotten influences now result in earlier exhaustion.

Sexuality develops through a process of continuous social interaction, and within this conference of expressions and meanings there is an imposition by society which has a debunking effect through pornography. Your sex life becomes mapped through three differing options, that of interpersonal scripting, cultural scenarios, and intrapsychic script. These are the historical guidelines for which you maintain self-regulation. This is the sequencing of events for which the actors are assumed to be feeling and, therefore, yourself. You learn what is appropriate sexual conduct, and that which can be seen as deviant. Context-specific behavior is obtained through the interpersonal scripting, resulting in, after some or much negotiation, a mutuality that comes about in commitment to the act, then actual engagement. Private sexual cultures can rattle the prevailing sexual script by defying the norm of the love ideology. Because of changes in accessibility and the privatization of the internet, the on demand element of non-mainstream viewpoints (porn) have delegitimized concerns for normative fashioning with recreational sex becoming the new societal norm.

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Charles Augustus Lundbergh, Jr, the nearly two year old son of the famous aviator by the same name, was kidnapped in 1932 from his second floor nursery in the family estate. The entire family was home at the time. During a search for the child a ransom note was found, demanding $50,000. A trail of mud from his crib led to a broken window, with a rope ladder hanging from the sill. Household employees were interviewed by local police. A second ransom note demanding $70,000 was received six days later. And then a third note a day after that, this time demanding a liaison be assigned to be the go-between on negotiations. At this point an unknown amount of cash was given to a go-between taxi driver to give to the kidnappers in good faith. A fourth note demanded an update be published in the local newspapers. The seventh note included a baby's sleeping suit, as a token of identity. A ninth note requested an additional $100,000 be added to the combined ransoms to date. The twelfth note mentioned a reduction of the demands by $50,000 if everyone was to be compliant. Al Capone, from his prison cell in Alcatraz, offered his help to find the "scum involved." Clues led to the baby's possible location on a boat in Martha's Vineyard, or the thick forest in an adjacent park. Roughly ten weeks after his disappearance the body of the baby was discovered on the side of a highway by a truck driver. The body was partially buried and badly decomposed. His head was crushed, some limbs were missing and there was a hole in his skull. After positive identification and confirmation that he had been dead at least a month, his remains were cremated. Many underworld characters were interviewed in hopes of finding those responsible. Two years after the crime a marked $20 bill from the ransom showed up at a gas station. This led authorities to the house of Bruno Hauptmann, a local carpenter. A large stash of ransom money was discovered. His defense was that a friend gave him the money to hold. He was eventually executed by electrocution and in the aftermath of this high profile crime "kidnapping" became a federal offense.

Is there not an inherent click in the brain when you see someone of a different race, and the impulse to sum them up with data gleaned from a lifetime of experiences and stereotypes, because there can be truth in stereotypes, both good and bad. Or Godwin's Law which theorizes that as online arguments grow longer there is an inevitable accusation by someone that someone else is a Nazi or Hitlerian.

Regardless of intellectual opinions at hand there are clues and indications that the male sex is that of creation. This is presupposed without superiority or arrogance in mind. While the female sex is the angelic bedlam of open arms to provide and administer comfort, there is more of an enigmatic angle to the feminine soul as often the mystery lingers in what women want.

False flags are nothing more than covert operations designed to divert the media away from actual sources of responsibility. It's an old pirate term, when they would fly the flag of a certain country to not scare off those they were approaching. Or by flying the flag of another country during an attack so that that country was blamed. False flags in the domain of cyberspace are easier to pull off because of code and malware that can mimic operator command servers. If nothing more, false flags can garner support for your cause by creating enemies that did not exist or on a smaller scale new haters for your ideals. You might now need to bring on protection or amass sympathy because you are under personal attack.

In the isolation of household chores and impossibility at development because your role is servant to the children, there are numerous practical difficulties and a general discontent with inability at making some kind of impression to strangers from the outside world. You could see it in the eyes and all over the face, that sullen malcontent disconnect. Then the re-centering stare down into the mirror asking yourself, "who am I really fooling?"

Concepts of body image are more than just female issues. Male perceptions of the aesthetics and sexual attractiveness of their bodies incorporate psychiatry, psychoanalysis, medicine, feminist studies and the media. Obsessive ideation and over-thinking of one's body can be brushed off as nothing more than a dusting of vanity but it is much more than that. Dysmorphic disorders and the devaluing of self-worth means that sometimes it is easier to let go, to go ahead and manifest that fat bastard who finds an affinity in his massive belly, or zero shame in his game when it comes to throwing out his back every time he gets in and out of his car. Or the battle against the shameful dad-body, when you seek out body positivity through diet whether that be malnutrition or an embracing of hyper-masculinity as your new gender norm. To see if you have other qualities that can distract from your overweight appearance.

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An edgy and fragmented skepticism defined the segmented generation that wallowed in pseudo nostalgia from what their boomer parents carried over from the 1950s. The crossover handlers of cool were the punk rockers of England with their anarchist patches, spiked hair and abusive rock. This laid the foundation for a post-punk era that defined the early melancholy years of Generation X. Exemplified by an affinity for change and inherent knack for adaptability, theirs was a longing for de-labeling.

Generation Xers had no need to reincarnate themselves as they were born into an era that unfolded into a celebration of the individual. They found the shininess in life so they didn't need to polish it, as there wasn't a counterfeit element to maneuvering through life with an unshakable belief that social situations brought about anxiety or that addiction is another way to get to know yourself (see Millennials). Yahoo Maps didn't need to show the way, and confusion over expressing your opinion was squashed with mantras to stand up for yourself. Much of this were simply American traits, and in this simplification of purely Americana no-nonsense were the early seedlings of conditioned self-entitlement, and a slow rollout of taking more and more for granted.

"Made in Secret" is a low-budget documentary filmed over three years documenting the efforts of seven Canadian men in making amateur porn and the collective that they formed to assist each other with production and distribution. It is made up of interview footage, their meetings about how the collective will function, and footage of their "alt" and "homemade" porn. The film was reportedly shown at an Italian film festival in the mid aughts, and a website offered the DVD version available for sale. Critics were said to have been captivated by the film's "self-consciousness" and "nervous intensity." Links to purchase the DVD no longer function and there is talk within festival circuits that the film possibly never existed. Emailed requests for comment from the collective spurn this same auto-response: Made in Secret was a pure labor of love, made by a group of friends who wanted to see a documentary about our local anarcho-feminist porn collective. The only problem was, that collective didn't exist. And so, in a post-modern twist that Gandhi may have never foreseen, we became the anarcho-feminist porn collective that we so dearly wished to see in the world, simply in order to make a film about it. In other words, we didn't document what we were doing, we did things we wanted to document. Or, it's equally true to say, we set out to make a fictional film and in the process, ended up living the story we were trying to tell. As we grew more and more immersed in the constructed reality of the film, the layers of reality and meta-fiction began to feed off each other. Eventually the process and the product became so conflated that it was no longer possible to distinguish between the movie and real life. It is an ambiguous, but undeniably genuine artifact of this life-transforming experiment. Which is why, whether the movie is perceived as fact or fiction or none of the above, ultimately it's all true.

Erotic delusions, the basis for erotomania, contain certain criteria of the object not being able to find happiness without the subject. This object cannot be a whole person without the missing piece of the subject, and in order to contain the freedom, marriage is key in a continuous vigilance to the romantic sympathy held between the two. Social media can play a role in worsening the delusional belief structure through triggering existing disorders or further aiding in the tools for stalking. Most commonly the individual believes that the other person is in love with him, even if they do not know it yet. Often, the target of the affection tends to be a person of higher stature and more attractive on the mating quotient scale. Social media networks have enmeshed technology into the delusional framework of their minds, with magical thinking often amplified by the digital artifice. Online communication outweighs personal contact and previous barriers that existed between a stalker and their objects are now a thing of the past. Social media is a tool for fixation and observation as the thrill is based more on a spiritual union or an idealized romance than on actual sexual attraction. Auditory or visual hallucinations can be subtypes of the central themes, and violence is never ruled out of the syndrome. Rejection can manifest in the mind of the delusional erotomanic person but may occur through autistic fantasy and not in reality. Often it is rooted in distorted and elaborate childhood abandonment fantasy and the individual's infatuations result in them choosing unattainable women, recapitulated by a deep seated masochistic attribute or simply to further deny themselves the unrealistic and unattainable.

Public acknowledgements through pleasantries and mutual affections sustain the assumption of happily married husband and wife, and a duty without sanction to project this fronted voluntary obedience for the sake of your own solidarity and for the children. Further, this avoids anyone from recognizing individual independence or some unnatural superiority.

You were glad for the elections and what they meant for realigning and righting the ship. Too much was unsustainable and the neglect for forethought was veiled behind a collective corruption, not necessarily everyone in cahoots together, but in it for something or other that did not have we the people in their best interest. If it took a flawed outsider, then so be it. Career politicians had made promises but there was no proof in any actions over the several decades of their reign. You had never really viewed yourself as radical or someone less than average, but there was an elitist aftertaste that was sour and condescending. You didn't like feeling this way and looked forward to a time that the thoughts of your own inferiority would subside.

There comes a point in your usage that you lose interest and these moments are the most dangerous, as the last time you went through this you returned even harder than before and ended up in an emergency room. Frozen with hysterical paralysis, you were home alone when the episode hit and called 911 yourself. Nobody knew where you were for three days. You were sent home after a 72 hour hold in a psychiatric hospital. You had to convince them that you were normal mentally and this was a one-off event.

To learn more about subjects you defer to google searches. You don't tend to click on the first result as this is typically an ad that will take you off course. There are rabbit hole searches which can start out with slang terms for bizarre sexual acts--defined at length on the urban dictionary--then some deeper searching of the fetishes behind these bents, often leading to psychological examinations of the subjects who have been deeply affected by an off-putting event in childhood. You usually don't stop until you can come upon a delightful melancholy within, when you have determined that somehow the people you have read about had made it out on their own and, if still living, are thriving citizens wherever they are.

At the same time that one side argues about the value of the well-being of a foreign child at the nation's border, the same group will advocate for full-term abortions. Beyond the bafflement is a confusion of priorities, as you should be all in either way. Unless of course your viewpoints are strictly for political plays and emotional triggering for your own advancement.

For any family to succeed on even the smallest level there need be a family head. This is best the father and not the mother. Children must learn the limitations and abilities of their parents, essentially what men and women can do for them. As the father head, you can also be the substitute mother, with bathing duties and feeding rituals, while still being their link to the outside world, and to the past. Your stories frame their minds for the expectations upon their shoulders of the world at large. Or what kind of values they will need when confronting the world that you as kingmaker have imagined for their small and fragile psyches.

In your house the nuclear family players know their roles well. Your wife is a good mom and she makes the money for the household. Your oldest daughter is disarmingly cute and had a failed career as a toddler model. The baby does baby things like cry and fuss and chew on anything she can get her hands on. In this comfort of routine and roleplaying is the suspended dark cloud that at any moment one or all of the ingredients can be taken away. The car crash when you are out on date night, that kills you both while the kids sleep on the couch with a sitter. What the insurance companies call a "wipeout." Or, if one of the girls dies from something like leukemia, where would your grief take you? Would the marriage end or somehow become stronger? Men with their ideas of how to fix situations when sometimes all a woman wants to do is talk it out. How can you fix a missing child? The birthdays, holidays, and if one child remains the attention that still needs to be devoted to her.

Case Study 3: When ex-Navy Seal Richard Farley burst into an evening ESL class, shooting and killing seven people, he did this because his "dream lover" had refused to acknowledge his fantasy. The object of his affection, Laura Black, had never been on a date with him, nor claimed to know much about him. When she received love letters warning that "something bad may happen" she was able to get a restraining order. The evening after he was served with this paperwork is when he entered the classroom.

Meta-disparagement is a self-serving tactic whereby pride itself subsides to a more humbling aggrandizing of self-view. When you claim to friends that you really wish you weren't so ugly it could be nothing more than a protective ploy while publicly extolling your own opponent's false sense of praiseworthy achievements. The upbeat ness to it passes off as manic energy for a more miserable populace, while those who must declare their positioning and modest self-portrayal without an anonymous response--and a conclusion void of evidence for the contrary--go unchecked with their egomaniacal needs unmet.

You become dissatisfied with much of what people of other lands can only dream upon. A pervasive running discontent solved through superficial remedies as you navigate your ways through the troubled waters of anatomical destiny. When you push the restrictions of American living to the extreme, through a hyper this or that malaise of overeating or retail consumption. And the default escape hatch being that you are nothing more than a stay-at-home parent or some blue collar worker, what the hell do you know anyway?

Someone shared with you an online article about illegal immigrants receiving better health care than American veterans and that some of these former soldiers were now deranged homeless folks. Within the confusion of how this is acceptable you became enraged, it triggered something within you that traded on the currencies of injustice and neglect by design, as if the politicians had let this topic go so it could become an issue that would further divide the constituents, to then tease the needed care like a carrot off in the distance.

Maybe when the time arrives, you would look back on this particular moment with a glimmer of clarity, something along the lines of a semblance nod to the difficulties that are now cemented behind you and your current stride into manhood and letting down your guard. In the relative peace a ceremonial death ritual to your adolescence and the fabrications of your mindful grasps onto the better moments, it is now time for the selective gardening that Voltaire mentioned. Maybe you can pull all of it into perspective, as you begin an ascension from the downside of your first half of midlife, with the luminescence coming through in high def, on a marquee sign promising "coming soon."

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The traditions of the internet are ambivalent at best. Some form of criticism need be directed at it, and a discerning of usage and direction that one should take in the playgrounds of the online global village. Much is internally diversified and there is a numbing in the rediscovering of past trauma and other elements of personal history. Encounters that can be highlighted by the sociological imagination, while examining the fundamental dilemmas of the times, that of whether to sustain hegemony or instigate rebellion. The great diffusions of the late 1800s led to a more dynamic humanity that launched phenomenons in air travel and atomic bombs, which picked up pace to a fever pitch critical mass drop off point in the early 1990s with the advent of the internet browser. Like religion this portal to a wider world worked in relegating the fervor for a taken-for-granted malaise that has sustained digital humanity ever since. Truth and fact and science were now readily available and the debunking began with the breaking down of the spiritual world, and the ever-mystical and magical disconnect we had between each other. The newly established inter-connectedness was something foreign to our systems and after the initial days of rejection we succumbed to the onslaught of a weaponized digital realm, something of a safe injection site, a place of comfort we could visit several times a day.

You had never fully explained shame trauma as you only recently learned of its existence, as a term but also as something that lives within the recesses of your mind. Feelings that are reactions to specific events in your past that you perceive as unpleasant which culminate now into a constant awareness of your defects. A re-convincing of yourself that parts of you are defective which brings about a cloud of impending doom. There could be thoughts of being inept, ineffectual, or even useless as a man, moreover, as a husband and father. A contributor to society that lingers on the periphery, invisible and unnoticed because of a certain emptiness, and all that remains are flaws. A slow-building yet relentless accumulation of self-insults resulting in you believing you are not good enough. The externalized depiction of this is you negatively explaining off the behavior of others, making dire predictions, focusing on negative events, and maintaining rigid rules for how people should behave. In this you are seeking out error-free performances. In this you are predicting something apocalyptic, a disaster beyond measure, perhaps a dirty nuke in a big city, or a new strain of plague released upon the populace. These faults are mirrored best by family members of your original nuclear family so you avoid these people at all costs. The intergenerational trauma ends with you in order to afford your daughters a fresh start.

In the midst of rearing a newborn and an aging-out toddler you are confronted with apocalyptic talk of the existential environmental crisis, with dire warnings that the world will end within a dozen years, that puts your oldest daughter into her teen years while your baby will be a tween. Will it be a sudden end where you all die within a few days? Are you the bad guy now because your only environmental action is to not litter? Are you guilty of murder because you and your wife decided to have two children? The city you live in was under contract with China to recycle all of your recyclables, it got collected twice a month and then packed up in barges that spent a month on the high seas to get to their final destination. But then the Chinese got overwhelmed and said no more, so now in semi-secret the city burns the recycling, those precious and colorful aluminum cans that have been so diligently prepared by domestic goddesses for their continual rebirth. Ultimately the city put a press release out saying no more to the yogurt containers, it didn't matter how clean you thought you got it, the lingering yogurt was tainting the entire process and jamming machines. But those in the know knew that it was because yogurt didn't burn well and only slowed down the incinerators.

A sizzle reel film of your household's morning routine is much like any other American household, the manic energy of children who awake from a restful night of sleep, the disarray of a dirty kitchen, the humming of music and talk radio, a five minute ride to drop one off to school, then back to the structure of a to-do list that tells you to call to cancel an abandoned domain that you own which is on its third year of auto-renew, while skimming a two-day old newspaper of news that has already cycled out, but there is something about the actual paper in hand that lends to you being well-informed, then to the washing machine room for a load of kids clothes with the special overpriced detergent so nobody has an allergic reaction for which you can be accused. Much of your routine boils down to avoidance of situational blame, while your efficiency can be best explained by your maleness and the tendency to seek out best practices and ever better systems with cost analysis a constant factor.

One could argue that America is made up of the brilliant and the insane and if we had a little more of either side we could tilt into hyper-drive or fall into chaotic oblivion. It is almost miraculous that we have come so far with so few contributing while so many are enburdening the system, detrimentally establishing a certain demise for future generations. In this thought is the follow-up realization that America is young, and, in this youth, untested and fragile. We don't know how it's going to end and in this unpredictable climate is a subtle thrill for her outcome. We can root her on or low-key await something big, on the level of 9/11 but tenfold.

A bonus to free market capitalism is the degree zero of eclecticism in mono-culturalism, and the anything-goes ethos absent of aesthetic criteria, abandoning taste as a byproduct of modernism and the idea that reproducibility is the most desirable quality of your clichéd generation.

The homeless crisis measures itself in undeniable terms with muted media events like an attack on an elderly or the vandalism of a cemetery where an encampment had formed. There is hastened conversations about moving your family away but to where is always the conversation stopper. It wasn't as if you knew there were better places to live but the effort at untangling your roots now, leaving the comfort and that ritualistic existence in a large house that the children had only known.

The final step in the psychological control of your victim is when you get them to violate their own moral principles. But before this can happen there needs to be a breaking down, through the implementation of terror, isolation, rewards, and an intermittently applied dependency so there is no question of their compliance. Essentially they must be broken. Through coercion, and succumbing to self-hatred, much like any domestic violence victim, willing to do for you what you dictate, whether it be implementing abuse on others or through depraved sexual acts, even participating in cover-ups or illegal activities. This tends to begin with small concessions to then culminate with full-blown demoralization.

As concepts in parenting were explored ad nauseum in self-help books you embraced the real life idea of just doing it and learning on the fly as more of an education than reading lofty ideas of how to work your children, when each kid is so different how could there exist a single format or checklist. And the condescending vibe at the playgrounds from the moms when they see you as a dad alone with your children. To deepen the mystery how you roll up without gear, no backpack, no wipes, diapers, even snacks. If there is an emergency you will simply go back home.

Inevitably the actor's performance runs the risk of being fully exoticized through the appropriation of others who become emulated models. This codified exercise of undertaking indigenous activities can be viewed on an anthropological level but mustn't be lost on the transcultural underlying principle of pre-expressive performance techniques. Not only in training but through sporadic incorporation into the execution. Anything left that can be rescued is dignified prostration with inspiration in visions and metaphors and the celebration in non-verbal gestures, and other revered indictments for the practitioner.

In the ordinary misery you can return to your caveman instincts for exercise and/or exertion, intermittent fasting in the form of starvation, or reducing meals to one per day like the savannah life. But then something might happen, a diagnosis or a trauma, maybe even hints of suspicion of an affair and then you wake from the hum of a quiet background, to care for aging parents or a child who has specialized needs, or the sudden grief that has the potential to break you, but you don't break, instead you become emboldened. In these moments the preciousness of organic produce or the specific milk used in the latte are inconsequential, not forgotten but no longer lasered in upon. You take on the actor role in episodic nuance, like the camera crew is there in the room, dressed all in black and making a point to blend in with the furniture, certainly to refrain from doing anything that may distract you from your deliberate movements and focused thought. While you inventory all of the connections in your life, realizing the list is smaller than you had imagined, you begin the sad magic show by remaking your dull existence into a manic playground of whimsical decision-making and an I got this ethos to get you through the rest of your days.

Paralleled in lower animals is human behavior and social instincts, like mothers nursing children, or fathers rallying to defend territory against enemies. There are biological factors but also hereditary conditions. Animals have been bred over time to express certain superior traits, or marked changes in behavior, like wolves to domesticated dogs. Parental guidance and offerings are determined by hormonal stimuli and further conditioned by environmental influences. Resulting in the motherliness of women, and the attraction to their potential in hip forms, breast types, even menstrual functionality.

When children fake sleep under their covers they are at work encoding frequencies of their day, and waiting to see if they can hear their parents yelling at one another, and if there is silence there is peace within them, and this sorting out somehow has a soothing effect even if it predicts some psychological tick, it is what the child needs as they compose their silent memories.

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When criminal behavior is afforded the toolbox and anonymity of cyberspace nobody can hear the screams. A transformative and infinitely powerful interlocking of databanks with invaluable troves of all the personal information ever collected at the ready to be weaponized and exploited. This venerable goldmine is made possible by offline desires and motives that have been brought into the folds of cyberspace, furthering a capacity for deranged behaviors and misdeeds. The computer underworld has blurred the lines of what is twisted fantasy and that which crosses over into the real world. When person A takes unfair advantage of person B the blame should not always be cast upon A as B could very well be a teenage girl self-exploiting by sending nudes or lesser provocative digital imagery. It could be argued that she is simply unknowingly using herself for her own end. In the consensuality the exploitee becomes the exploiter, and dimensions of the outcome are weighed by the further deemphasizing of internal awareness.

The idea being that unhinged behavior can cleverly and artfully be masked behind a facade of normalcy, the at-home dad who may possess a homicidal bent, or the elderly guy at the end of the cul-de-sac who was a prolific rapist decades ago. This is what scares the professionals the most, that deviant perpetrator who would be deemed normal by any societal or psychiatric standards.

During arguments with your spouse you think of where the argument is going and if it will at least play itself out to be a healing event or leave you more fragmented than before you started. You long for that intimate connection, something not just romantic but biological, and when it fails it leaves the heartache. These are moments that require you go back to the beginning in your minds, that source code of how you promised your parents that you would be good people, or that a particular illness is nothing more than a circumstance of your lives and not to let it define your very existence. Fate may be easier by embracing your afflictions but it cannot transform your hysterical misery into something as simple as happiness.

Porn's integration into mainstream culture with the porno-chic lifestyle and a soft-core aesthetic requires certain clothing and gestures that operate on a semantic level, bringing that rhetoric full circle to a point of blurring the lines between porn and non-porn products and behavior within the culture. There is semi-pornography everywhere with the conventions of gestures (flipping off the camera), gazes (bedroom eyes), even simulated fellattio, and mostly in the post-modern style of a contextual setting that is strikingly non-pornographic. It's not necessarily about sexual desire, but more a transmitter for one's personal commodities, and the impending threat that sex is about to happen. In these incidents the sex rarely does happen yet the emotional intensity bleeds over into one's public performance with one's audience, mirroring the open desire and evocative nature of hardcore.

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The most prolific serial killer in American history is Samuel Little who has confessed to 93 murders, which the FBI believes are all "credible confessions." For many years he never thought he would be caught as there would be nobody interested in his victims, and no accounting for their lives. Of the nearly hundred murders only fifty have been verified, while the remaining ones that are unaccounted for are merely from the murderer's memory. Over the years Mr. Little was arrested many times for crimes including kidnapping, rape and armed robbery as he drifted through ghetto downtowns and transient neighborhoods where he chose his victims. In total he has served just under ten years in prison. Prison cell conversations shed light on what he looked for: marginalized African American women who were either prostitutes or indigent. He liked them to be drug users. He knew that when they went missing nobody would search for them. His first kill in 1972 was that of a transgender woman named Marianne that he befriended and drove to a sugar cane field near Miami and upon discovering her male sex parts he quickly "snuffed her out," and the subsequent thrill and "rush from being there for her last breath" was enough to start his forty year run as a serial killer. To this day he expresses no remorse and considers the murders to be ordinary events, and that "God put (him) on earth to do what (he) did, he made (him)."

UNINCORPORATED PART OF TOWN--Ada Halford, 44, was found dead with her husband, Hudson Halford, 47, in an apparent murder-suicide in the Rosemont neighborhood on January 12. The couple were self-employed social media consultants. They were married for six years but within that timeframe they filed for summary divorce judgements twice, but the divorces were never finalized. Investigators do not suspect foul play, but their niece Cayla Watson says this is not something either of them would do. "My aunt was a fashionista with a love for retail therapy, especially shopping online." When police found the couple, after a wellness check, rigor mortis had already set in. Cause of death was not released.

You were always on the lookout for your response to schadenfreude, that self-satisfaction that comes from witnessing the failure of others while having to hide your smile. Seemingly an odd emotion it is no doubt a self-affirming boost. Somehow it seems they deserved the misfortune and in your own calculations that event steers statistically away from ever happening to you. The professionals may say that this feeling is rooted in your own low self-esteem and that you find threats to your image in most of your surroundings. You need a self-affirmation boost every now and again, so that it can shore up your empathy for the possibility of bigger events.

Whenever you were consciously seeking out an objective viewpoint of your reality--your place in society at this age now--you used this "sorting" as a way to reduce anxiety for the uncertainties of life. The increasing storm of disorientation in a nonsensical confusion of ebbs and flows through a shoreline of madness. This phenomenon, or mind game, was not unique to you as you had discussed it with various professionals that have confided to you that it is indeed more common than you'd think. The way out is through belief, but belief is subjective so you succumb to the evidence of reasoning to disprove if your thoughts are false or somehow manufactured from delusions based on experiences you never had.

There can be liberation in acting but also imprisonment. There is a plethora of choices for cleaning up the distractions of every day, to further declutter the communication, meaning you gain from learning from the tactics of others and being more present for what unfolds around you. Body language may make more sense, even idle analysis of compositions and conversations between strangers, or random chit chat. It could be the nuance of a permanent smile or the lowered pitch of tone when ending a sentence. Tools at your disposal for deployment even offstage, when your performance lingers, a savoring memory all up to you. There are no bad combinations only the potential for a phenomenally good time.

Being one of life's actors is likened to being a common soldier in a great fog of spiritual rarity, void of clarity. It is as if everything is swirling with both truth and fiction overlapping into one narrative, blending love and chaos, anarchy and savagery. You get sucked in and cannot tell where you are anymore. The only certainty is that you are no longer grounded. It leaves you there on the stage with all eyes on you and your performance.

Before the birth of your first daughter (in retrospect) your life was nothing more than a misguided trek upward but sometimes sideways that lacked focus and determination for a single goal, days were spent either lost in inactivity, or some form of disadvantageous play, all the while with the focus level of an autistic child. It is amazing in hindsight that you got anything done. Then with the burden of raising a child, those ineffective moments are taken away from you with the settling in of demands from a highly-dependent small person. They say the human baby is the most high maintenance of all the animal kingdom, essentially they could die within a day, maybe even hours, if left alone anywhere. Focus now requires that other things you did with your time now must be eliminated from your day-to-day because your life has become a game of allotments, and in the beginning stages you feel like you have blown entire days without getting a single thing done, but with the distance of time you realize you were present for your child and yes they will not remember it but the fact that they somewhat are comfortable around you is enough proof to your success.

Noticeable symptoms are similar to Parkinson's and there is a long process in the efficiency of treatment, with intolerable side effects. The therapeutic window is small as the patient can lose up to fifty percent of their weight within just days. Medicine needs to be monitored and throttled before the patient seizes up, which may end in cardiac arrest. The L-dopa dosing response is the only option for survival (if that is your intention). This is what we know about the poisoning.

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Before the label "Generation X" was coined, those born between 1965 and 1979 were referred to as baby busters or post-boomers. The early years of childhood were the advent of post-modern times with the introduction of MTV and stars like Madonna and Sting, the heightened urgency of AIDS, the shared grief event of the Challenger disaster and the realignment of Glasnost and the fall of the Berlin Wall. Introducing computers into single-parent homes made an-ever lonely existence more tolerable. There was connection in chat rooms and newfound abilities with email. You brought strangers into your life, some into your most intimate inner-circles. You could finally express yourself with others that were more aligned with your own ethos. It was a tribal alignment for those who never felt like they belonged. You could even portray yourself as someone more idealized. That anonymity afforded you fake names and pictures. You were an actor now, able to portray yourself in the best light.

When your firstborn was two she became fixated upon Matchbox cars and loved nothing more than pushing them violently across the douglas fir wood floors of your house. You wanted to have the conversation with your wife about her possibly identifying as a "boy" as that was all the rage in the news, parents allowing their children to identify as the opposite sex, or even grow up "non-binary," without a designation of male or female. You refrained from bringing it up but did think about starting a fund for future surgeries. You had never had these thoughts when you were a kid but the world was much more insular and if this was going on elsewhere it played out in isolation as there was no media or internet to cast light upon it.

With age you understand there are evil forces in the world, perhaps it could be a neighbor that quietly occupies the house at the end of the cul-de-sac but holds a secret that he raped and killed a dozen people over a two decade span, or a band of brain-washed inbreds whose gang affiliation is a terror group that calls for the death of the West. Sick people who get off through mayhem and hate. Yet people still ask why you are cautious around strangers.

Much of your childhood was fixated upon a recurring annual Halloween sadism, that fear of poisoned candy. Rumors of apples that contained razor blades, even stories about a little girl who mysteriously collapsed while trick-or-treating somewhere in middle America. Your thoughts went to, if it could happen there it could happen here. Stories about Japanese gangs who laced candy with cyanide led to the pulling of candy from all Tokyo stores one year in the 1980s. A New York woman was arrested for handing out poisoned dog biscuits to kids, she told the cops that she only gave them to the kids she thought were too old to be out there. The infamous Texas story about the "Candyman" was later announced as an in-house poisoning, because the family patriarch only gave the candy to his own kids, and just one died.

Historically generations have passed to subsequent generations one solid piece of advice in the form of a hidden message, but this did not happen from Generation X to the Millennials. The purpose of these messages is to avoid the perpetuation of suffering, or to downplay hatred. Often this is communicated through song. What the Grunge musicians offered was a warning shot that the future is bleak, but there was no roadmap or solution offered. Nor was there any heavy work done, like the Greatest Generation who actually moved history. It's almost as if Millennials were too self-absorbed for anyone to care to advise them. And within this intergenerational disgust was a calming thought of let them figure it out on their own. Of course failure was the only model. Humans are not inherently kind nor faithful in their charity. Individuals may seek out the pleasure in moments but not for the collective. The disconnect being that when we hunt we do it in packs and when we vanish screaming into the wilderness it is together and not as individuals.

Gen X had a clear affinity for self-determination because they were the last analog generation. There was a sense of the present shaping the future, and a freedom in actions that enabled control over who saw what you did and the lack of innuendo when being retold of your behavior. Despite the fertile soil that was being toiled for the ambient audience that was coming for mid-life, one could take in oneself without a filter and unknowingly rejoice in the authenticity of early adulthood.

Video inequality can relate to the distribution of content on the internet with power structures of authority utilizing important context when passing off something like revenge porn. The gender power asymmetry of the female body projected into depicted situations of that of object, with the conventional aesthetics of what aroused heterosexual males want to see. In this narrative the subject is viewed as a sexual object and made to be, often unknowingly, an erotic spectacle. Also known as the male gaze, this could be argued as being the most pervasive characteristic of the internet, curating and mandating a gendered representation of that which all should desire in visual imagery. When males have the authority for the framing of the female body and to dictate particular sexual performance, this creates a published capture of only what the male desires. A shift occurs in the power dynamic when the female has her own reciprocal viewership. Societal control and discourse however set up for the diversity trap where the female is left feeling empowered while in reality this false sense of involvement can be unpacked as part of the fetish.

When you watch the news you want to see good looking people reading the headlines, at least a 7 or 8, preferably female, but if it's a male he should have a strong jawline. Someone who reminds you of yourself. White women newscasters that have a muted beauty which can mystify their age, where they may appear to be late twenties or early forties, but nothing would surprise you when you found out their real age. Behind the console you cannot see how tall they are, or if they have a particularly nice backside, and their breasts seem full but it could simply be the over-engineered brassiere. However, most news women are rarely flat chested. If we are going to allow you into our living rooms you need to look the part.

Alas, it isn't just you. This is a thought that comes frequently and brings with it a solace that you are not truly mad but maybe slightly demented. If you have thought it then someone else has too. If you can envision this certain fantasy there are many more out there with the same bendings. If you could think up some amazing invention it already has patents pending. And any and all dark thoughts that may surface at inappropriate times will surely not be unique to you, but part of the collective human condition.

Over time you have battled crotchety viewpoints that narrow with age yet arise from the wisdom of experience, in this you feel like you are gaslighting yourself to meta-think out your own subconscious thinking, like if you are aware enough you can steer your thoughts a certain direction and away from trapped thinking. It's like your head is in the oven or buried in the sand like an ostrich. Your single most explosive joy is in complaining about young people (Millennials and those of Generation Z). You know it is not an attractive quality by any means and therefore you refrain in certain company.

The aftermath of overwhelming danger brings with it a response of constriction and intrusion, blended in a particular post-traumatic rhythm. Numbing and intrusive thoughts allow for dueling spikes of pleasure and pain in the recollection of the event and, in this attempt at sanity, the traumatized person schedules returning visits to the event within an amnesia cloud. There may be periodic inhibition to action or irritability disguised as impulsive verve, or a flood of self-perpetuating arid states of not feeling, emotionally or physically, and the gradual evolution becomes satisfying by settling into the new normal.

One of the first recorded incidents of cyberstalking was when Andrew Archambeau and a female school teacher had first contact through an America Online sub-group, exchanging casual banter about horticulture and then, after some time, agreeing to meet in real life. During the first moments of their date he began talking about their imminent marriage and their unborn children. She was alarmed and ended the date early. He followed up with several emails which contained ominous threats of contacting her family and friends (through antiquated AOL subscriber lists) to inform them of their relations and her "pathetic" attempts at ending something "so perfect." He would finish his emails with mentions of where he followed her after work or how he watched her through her classroom window. "You are only turning my innocent and foolish love for you into something bad in your mind," he wrote. She warned him of contacting the authorities but this did not slow him down. He ultimately left her a voicemail on her home's landline exclaiming that "I stalked you for the first time today." This message was enough for the authorities to prosecute him. During the short trial, the teacher ended up moving out of town and changing her name.

60. Among the abnormal conditions present in modern industrial society are excessive density of population, isolation of man from nature, excessive rapidity of social change and the breakdown of natural small-scale communities such as the extended family, the village or the tribe. (T. Kaczynski, 1995)

VI.

GUILT

VERSUS

INITIATIVE

In childhood is new hope in the revival of each day and the going forth without the constraints of a weighted past. With each new crisis, and the rebound from it, there is growth and a pattern for resolution toward that person you will ultimately become. Bountiful amounts of energy to burn allowing for an easier time at forgetting failures and within the inventory of conquest and attack is an emphasis on making oneself more attractive and appealing to those within immediate proximity. This endearing stage of muted culpability for guilt-inducing exuberance organically brings about an aggressive manipulation and an initiative set forth with unlimited potential. Thus the arrival of the rivals and haters, those younger siblings or the kids of your parents' friends. You demarcate a sphere of your own influence, and your viewpoint on life becomes more black and white while the grey area in between evaporates into nothingness. Your own genitalia takes on a new role as an organic device for your excitement while low-grade eroticism is given energy in the thrill for punishment. This is where taboo originates in the dirty thoughts of incestuous acts on a sister, or cousin, or aunt, even mother. The child is left walking a tightrope of emotional transformations that can forever fragment the powerhouse of human glory. Those that are more vigilant, who intervene with a heightened sense for self-observation or those aware of self-punishment in the form of perpetuating a buoyant mental bent for the disdaining thoughts that cannot be shared. There is regulation in this meta approach to life, and with this responsibility is the only hope to emerge from childhood with a healthy mindset allowing for integration into society and the pleasurable accomplishments without weaponizing your thoughts into a physical manifestation of crimes or other tragedies. An extreme version of this hyper-vigilance can result in a desire for self-obliteration where the lasting effect is a transgression in thinking, leaving the child hating him/herself. This is the all or nothing effect of the superego. Much of it manifests in the adult as hysterical denial, while inhibiting a healthy sexual life via hindrances that stifle sexual fulfillment. The psychosomatic result is overcompensation, where people will oversell themselves by over-advertising what they have to offer society and then in this misrepresentation a false belief that how you project yourself is authentically how you are. You begin to believe your own hype. The fog of your wildest fantasies peels back the inhibitions and allows for a break from the apprehensions and the resulting letting up of your own moralistic surveillance, allowing you to initiate more dangerous or illegal behavior. Boundaries are lifted that now allow for harm onto others, such actions that would never seem normal before now rationalized into the blueprint for potential as you begin to identify with the parent, you as a boy now the aggressor father type, or you the daughter now the slutty mother type, looking for opportunities to be adult-like, to bend the conflicts of childhood into a new moral bloodletting resulting in a fascination for new heroes.

Growing up you were told shame on you so many times that it had become a mantra, something that as a slogan for living would rattle within the recesses of your tiny brain and became a go-to excuse for your appearance or inabilities at certain things like arts and crafts or sports. You had no bar set for any excellence thus you were afforded the mediocrity of semi-failure in everything you did. It became that you half-assed everything, and you still do this when you can get away with it.

Extraordinary measures can be justified grounds as the danger to the populace is too high for us to sit back on our asses and leave our future to leaders who do not believe. For the future to be saved the quest will require that nothing stand in its way, not even the device you are using to read this now. In order to fully decarbonize we must fully de-computerize. The electricity that runs the cloud is generated from the burning of fossil fuels, so your use of computers and other electronic devices creates a carbon footprint. Any such proposal is met with charges of Luddism (the Luddites, a secret oath-based organization of English textile workers in the 19th century, were a radical faction which destroyed textile machinery as a form of protest. The group protested against the use of machinery in a "fraudulent and deceitful manner" to get around standard labor practices). Those romanticized heroic thinkers with an acute penchant for disavowing technology, the idea that sometimes a technology just shouldn't exist, because the best thing to do to a machine is to break the machine. If we are to address the existential crisis of our days we are to see the technology around us and treat none of it as off limits. This includes airplanes, artificial intelligence, smartphones, even the explosive population growth in certain global regions. When society may be in a cold civil war the only reckoning will be the machines, with the verdict handed down by technological developments. Reality will decide the rules, not the creed of identity or politics.

Detached trance states may involve surrender of voluntary action, or suspension of critical judgement, even initiative detachment which combines for a total depersonalisation resulting in an altered sense of time. This numbing absorption is what allows for gamers to go days without food, or to suspend dignity and wear adult diapers in order to avoid leaving the controls of their gaming console.

Amateur performances in public context range from pranking, like humorous assaults on societal decorum, to full-blown deliberate performance art, including porn. The theatricality implies an unbounded structure of convention in the performance versus the performativity which entails a prescribed set of rules within the context. Conscribed by these two variants are the possibility of one of the following three social action regulations. A market paradigm in which your performance is negotiated for something in return. A command paradigm where your audience expects a performance and will demand it through any number of tactics, including aggression. And finally the veneration paradigm which consists of performance for the sole purpose of the acclaim received by the performer. Within all three is the luminal space for which the performer strives to occupy.

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Eileen commands the workout room much as she commands the camera from behind her news desk, demonstrating the power of being fit and healthy, moving as if in a music video to the beats in my headphones. As representations tend to do, the physically active woman can be a slut behind closed doors. This is reiterated in her performance during light machine weights or cardio. An interpretation in her small sweat dampness maintaining a relevance in her achieved status as more than currency for her lubriciousness and fertile draw toward the opposing sex. Her squats are timed to the third beat of workout station song three in your head with a deliberate blank stare on your face, as if you are gazing to the far wall, lost in zone 3 fervor, while taking in the glory of her spreading hip flexion.

Let your body do the talking, do a reaction, and listen to the other actors. Put your thoughts on your face and act for an audience of one, the lens. Your monologue should fit like a glove and roll off your tongue, if it doesn't then change up the script. Look for positivity in the negative thoughts, and give yourself something to do when the camera turns off. This will guarantee your performance through to the end of the take. Follow your inner voice like a director with a megaphone shouting instructions while you process your impulses at intention.

The homeless would gather on Sunday mornings in the downtown city park and wait eagerly for the volunteers to arrive with new socks, hot coffee and homemade burritos. Even though it was technically illegal the city allowed it to happen. You found the group online and emailed the director to see if you could make several dozen burritos. Ones with bacon. Breakfast-style rolled tight and double wrapped in tin foil. Yours would include a random dusting of strychnine. Within 36 hours of eating the burrito, the consumer would experience muscular convulsions and subsequent death from sheer exhaustion or asphyxia. If there would be an autopsy the presence of strychnine could be explained off from the poisonous run off on the river banks where most of the homeless lived.

Millennials, the most coddled generation to date, are the result of boomer parents who were so wrapped up in their own trauma that the guilt from that distraction had them snow-plow the path for their entitled children. This allowed for their arrival at adulthood without basic life skills, things like managing money or looking people in the eye. These kids might try and convince you that they know better than you but it's nothing more than a false sense of illusory superiority, with roots in one's egotism, where they place importance on their own abilities over those of others. A strong sense of focalism leads these kids to focusing all of their attention onto a subject for which they can now transfer this fixation onto making a personal comparison to others, resulting in the seeking out of friends who are known losers so they can compare their own success against that lowly standard. Inversely they will go online and see the highlight reel of another's life and fall into misery or a shame spiral with their inability to ever attain such greatness, regardless of its authenticity. A final ingredient to their snobbery is noisy conversation theory, when they mix up their memories of performance and re-adjust for false estimates of their own abilities. These are nothing more than information-theoretic mechanisms generated for their survival skills because of their inability to re-adjust and grow from new experiences. In some ways it is much like arrested development that is instilled from drug or alcohol use at an early age, or from a series of trauma events.

One of the most lovable moments of life is looking into your children's eyes and seeing, if only for that split moment, a glimmer of hope in their innocence. You there not only as their parent but as an adult who understands this is a fleeting task, to try and stay innocent as long as possible because childhood is such a short period of time in our lives. When you look into her eyes you admire their aqua blueness and her perfectly-shaped eyebrows, and your thoughts slide to DNA and how children will pull the better qualities of each parent to make some more improved human, at least this is the idea. When your first daughter was born she was disarmingly cute and people would comment that normally it takes two ugly parents to make one cute kid, and inversely two good looking parents usually produce ugly kids. With all the loose banter it became difficult for you to gauge if she was indeed easy on the eyes or people were just trying to be polite.

A challenge with writing is the attempt to get your point across with the least amount of words, which sometimes chokes out the thought process and stifles the ideas from brain to screen. Then there are rules that good writers employ to flush out their ideas, and then there is your mantra of no rules which means you do what comes naturally and organically and you do not fight it, rather you allow it to happen and are along for the ride most of the time. Then when you finally get something published nobody reads it and everyone wants to collaborate with you to write their autobiography.

Religion can compare to post-traumatic stress in the three defining components: constriction, a numbed response to surrender; intrusion, the imprint of the indelible moment; hyperarousal, a constant expectation of threat.

Legitimization may never come from the lack of recognition, but rules are nothing more than experiments of simulated hyperreality with an aura lingering like a halo over the relic of all that has been cannibalized by the reproduction of yesterday's manufactures.

How social media works: a precipitating event leads to a positive or negative internal state change which brings about a desire to search for meaning with an audience's perspective, this seeds the initial grandiose thought which brings about the ambitious delusion, which then wanes to a persecutory mental trickery looping back to a cognitive bias that determines the ascension of behavior within the context of earlier life events, even cultural factors, when perhaps earlier negative life events involved a threat to self-esteem or social ranking, finally the rumination of first person visual mental imagery and the potential for possible future events from the broadcasting of your difficulties.

With the increase in numbers there will be a reckoning, as the path is not sustainable. Maybe it will be a biological reset like a new plague. "Homelessness" is a misnomer with the moniker of being without a home or the unhomed. These are not your conventionally romanticized American hobos. Guys with names like T Bone Slim or Supertramp. What is happening now is a failure to medicate. A mental illness epidemic with the inaction by politicians explained off by the Homeless Industrial Complex.

Private and public realms are now more connected than ever, in the intersection of the deranged on the streets bleeding their trauma into the collective lymphatic system, mainlining a hysterical neurosis that brings about an unsettling commonality, transcending politics and war, planting itself firmly into the tranquility and bliss of domestic life.

Porn chic is a style which reflects the mainstreaming of the aesthetics of pornography within pop culture. It's all about making women come off as more fuckable to a presumed male audience. A blurred fragmenting of the porno ideal which has been aided and abetted by the internet, this pornographication bringing with it a cultural expectation of porn chic sexiness by influencers and others who partake in the modality of sexualization, as it can no longer be separated from its attributed reality. This wilder cultural pressure is best observed in female self-representation in a most highly sexualized light, while simultaneously gaining attention and fandom yet losing value and relevance.

Social isolation is a key component to social incompetence and any maladaptive responses to impaired romantic skills or failed attempts at courtship. These misgivings relate to the individual's difficulty in interpersonally engaging people who are different from himself, with a certain rigidity when it comes to ethnocentrism and being a guest to a host culture. The resulting social isolation leads to intrapsychic problems that manifest outside of the internet, further marginalizing the cultural response to any stereotypically false status.

With the lights out, it's less dangerous, here we are now, entertain us... Nirvana

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The shame that arrives when you hear yourself talking about yourself to a stranger--small time ripostes about a random subject--and the inflection in your voice of a kind of superiority, like your opinion on said subject is dogmatically set in stone and not to be deviated from. In these moments there is the added cringe of hearing your own voice being projected (versus the noisy voice in your head) and the off-putting tonalities and quick thoughts that hopefully, as the professionals say, our voices are heard differently than we hear them ourselves, then the point of no return thought that you have said too much and now that it is out there you cannot take it back, and the better question of why are you talking about yourself to begin with.

Life and the theater are circular experiences with impulses from acting feeding back into the emotion spent on laughter or silence, even that pause when the actor summons another go at the fabulous invalid. That throttled interplay with the audience whirling an invisible power that can change, reinvigorate, even challenge the actor. Leaving the audition for the stage anticipating a future that sustains new forces for will while circling back the optimistic flow. You see, when we are feeble we never die.

It's as if local newscasts are deliberately quirky to make the viewers feel welcomed into the madness of the cheap seats. That thirtysomething new girl who is on her way up through the media markets, with motherhood or national news her endgame. These females rarely go with their real names as a way to keep the stalker at bay. Of course this is an old theory that held true before the abilities of the internet. Now nobody really is safe. Stalkers are society's most failed humans and losers that don't know how to talk to women. Her name is Eileen ___ . And her wikipedia, if accurate, says she likes Barry Manilow, merlot wine, and raw onions. Sounds like deflection, or to play up a quirkiness that isn't there but bodes well with the mid-level market audience. No mention of a man in her life leads you to think she is single, and therefore lives somewhere downtown, in close proximity to the studio. Deep and long-term research would entail visiting certain supermarkets around the schedules of her on-air time. Or simply follow her home after her shift.

Many years ago you believed you would die a premature death, and by premature you meant 28 when you were 20. There was that list of celebrities that had died at 28. You would even brag, in your drunken manic stupor, that you didn't want to live a long life, that you would rather die leaving a good-looking corpse. Of course now in retrospect that was more than silly banter. In your early thirties, intellectually you welcomed the idea of death. You were in a failed relationship, trapped by your codependence and crippled by other issues of shame (which you were completely unaware of at the time), and thought about suicide often, like a half dozen times, with no real attempts, but you did buy a bottle of tequila and staged a collection of prescription drugs you found just after your father died, with the intention of taking all the pills regardless of their medicinal purpose and drinking as much tequila as you could ingest. Instead, you sat there looking at your tools to end it all but were afraid to go through with it, as you thought that maybe you were stuck in a moment, and if you could get out of it then you could advance to a better place. That afternoon you made a promise to yourself to end the relationship you were in, even though it was nearing a decade long. You thought back to a high school economics class and the law of diminishing returns and calculated that you were going nowhere, in life, in work, in happiness. Nothing at all, just a dead bedroom and sustained self-neglect.

By the time you hit the mid-life mark of your life, thirty five-ish, you had been mated up with a soulmate, and your life began to start anew. Euphoria led to optimism and further insight into your failed abilities at identifying the dangers in other human beings, and the damaging effects of inviting the wrong person into your life. Flashback imagery of sleeping with the enemy, of the potential for the deep-seated hatred to manifest itself in a poisoning attempt, or when someone pulls the kitchen knife for theatrics but ends up with a cut artery. Something that cannot be explained off to the authorities. A new point of no return moment that simply sets another precedent for your inner turmoil and failure.

Conscious-raising is deployed as an empirical method for intellectual inquiry. Asking you to understand the concepts of empowerment or how nature works within the orthodoxy of a troubled mind. That temperament that is throttled and primed to take off at any moment with analogous psychotherapy attached to challenge any bad instincts and to silence the voices before they command another bad action by the actor.

There are no wasted days if you are awake for the events that transpire at you, against you, with you, and for you. Going with the flow and learning from the rhythm of the oceanic forces that have you in repose floating on your back, your ears submerged so you hear your own breathing and heartbeat, or when the undertow pulls you down and you must flail to get back to the surface. There are no wasted moments writing, even if what you write is shit. There are no wasted moments with your children even if you have neglected them by being elsewhere in your mind, you were still there physically and in their small minds that is all that mattered and it will be what they remember. There is no wasted time spent with physical exertion like carrying groceries from the car to the kitchen or even a masturbation session that ends in struggle.

The term "cult" comes from the Latin cultus, which translates to adoration or care. We know cults as the religious veneration of unconventional religious beliefs or rituals. Something spurious or unorthodox. In American popular culture we talk of mind control, fanaticism and brainwashing. But there is a certain admirable diversity and they all share the original forging of deliberate contrast to the mainstream. Often they are subgroups of subgroups, rooted in semi-ancient Americana (see Joseph Smith's 1904 "Second Manifesto") or newly-launched by charismatic leaders (think David Koresh) and none are notably alike.

A friend you keep at a distance has a tendency to overwhelm you with negative scenarios about his life, and all you can think, in these moments that you are stuck in conversation (mostly his own monologue), is that you are grateful you do not see him more than a few times per year and how so severely he has destroyed his girlfriend with this endless negativity that she explains off as his own struggles with brilliance, while in the meantime in the decade that you have known her she has gained over one hundred pounds, drinks six nights per week, and went from an 8 to a 3. You want to write him an anonymous letter to let him know how much of an asshole he is, and how he should be ashamed of destroying this poor girl's life.

Denying reality is to deny our dependence on the humanistic experience, and the perception of human potential. When the inevitable consequences of basing a newly adopted attitude is logic defiance in the ideation that the notion of self originates with its own creator (you) and henceforth begins the battle from reality. What is real for you today will not be real tomorrow and in this expanding vacuum is the premise for unlimited human potential. Yet society still produces a misplaced populace who constructs evaluated beliefs while arriving at personal truths through the imposing upon others. Resulting in a constant chatter that is somehow superior to your half-realized subjective thinking.

UNINCORPORATED PART OF TOWN--Pablo Minero, 22, was fatally shot by Juanita Minero, 20, on June 12 behind the Target Shopping Center, according to investigators. Published reports indicate they were the parents of three children and had been estranged. They were both undocumented Mexican nationals. An officer responding to the scene found the murder weapon in the purse of Mrs. Minero but she claimed, in Spanish, that the gun was not hers and she did not shoot her husband.

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A troll messaged you about a book you wrote that had a running theme of anti-Islam paired with the transitioning of a male-to-female character study. This troll casually mentioned that he had seen a picture of you with your daughter and that she was very cute, and how it would be a shame if anything happened to her. You took it as a veiled threat but not likely something that could happen as this guy--if not an actual bot--likely lived in the middle east or Pakistan. Besides, your children are always with you, which reduces the threat of kidnap or other forms of violence.

Arabs constitute over 400 million of the earth's population which sounds more ominous than it is when you recognize they represent a mere sliced-out portion of the stardust ablaze in this galaxy. Their insignificance should lend to a quieted voice yet somehow they have been handed the microphone and their projected importance has dimmed out Europe. They lack global contributions because they lack initiative and their only fortitude is spent on destructive activities. Their calendar year is 1440.

Unable to speak your mind online, or amongst strangers (it is still okay with certain select friends) has done more to further the division of the country in that you are left to wonder what someone thinks, that perhaps they think just like you and this harmonious validation to your own thoughts about such topics as the president, immigration, abortion, or genderism is going unenforced. You watch from the sidelines for hints to someone's thinking, looking for a small glint of similarity in your prescription for what collectively ails you. Sometimes it might be the person you least suspect that aligns with your more rigid thinking, but most of the time you can tell how someone thinks based on their appearance, upbringing and their social status now. Leftists tend to virtue signal so they are easier to determine. The quiet ones are more conservative. A lack of discourse is not totally lost on you, as you prefer to remain silent in the face of opposing ideation.

Back in your day there was minimal access to porn, not that porn didn't exist because it did indeed, it was perhaps porn's glory years but the delivery devices had yet to be invented. There was still a thrill from National Geographic's nude tribal women of Africa with their massive hanging titties that looked like dangling yams, and the mysterious piercings and body paint seemed to lend an element of danger even in the face of knowing they were accustomed to massive black dong. You also got by on magazines with girls in bikinis, with trends of what they called "french cut" bottoms that predated thongs, it was a thinner outlay than your conventional granny panties cut. It had a European flare that excoticized the American woman with her big beach curls and perfect skin. This co-ed look was more sustainable than the Zulu clan femme. Perhaps it was just too foreign, or that we weren't meant to ever meet since the wayback Pangea event of Africa breaking from the Americas.

You would stand in your kitchen and look at each other silently while you drank your morning coffee and between your glances was that invisible slow dance of would now be a good time to have a quickie before the kids come downstairs, even if your breath smells and nobody is lubed up by wine. Sometimes the glances darted back and forth several times and you both thought and hoped that the other was thinking the same, and sometimes it took one of you to instigate it, usually you, and it would happen quickly with the hidden thrill factor that a child could suddenly appear in the doorway, but sometimes, more often than not, it would never transpire for a multitude of reasons so you rarely talked about it as the topic didn't need any more energy devoted to it.

It took nearly three weeks--twenty days to be exact--for her to accept your friend request on her personal account, to be clear, not one of those celebrity pages. At quick glance you knew you would have to spend some time on it as there was too much to unpack in one session. An abnormal amount of check-ins--most likely to give shout outs to businesses she frequented--painted a map of her free time activities. Her gym, her most frequented coffee spots, a morning yoga studio.

The revelation in a bathroom selfie, posing in a more stylized manner, of aesthetics that signal something subtle or candid, reinforced through interactions with followers while governed by a certain conviviality and playfulness, mirroring the upbeat captioned commentary of dat ass tho or happy hump day indeed, even the less endearing send bobs & vagene. In the shorthand commentary of a disorganized fanbase is the suggestiveness by followers attempting to gain some of their own attention from conveying a certain intimate connection with the object, an illusion/allusion to insider status. Compliments and requests for private direct messages, with a running onus on rising above amateur hopefulness, in a connectedness only afforded by the digital realm.

A woke neighbor of yours went on a political rant fully laced with identity politics and talk of inclusivism and ending with a jab at white men (she is a white woman who is married to a white male) for their guilt in not acknowledging the "need to do better" with "embracing the intersectionality" that pervades modern American society. A melting pot that was left too long in the microwave that exploded, splattering against the walls, ceiling and glass door. You muted her on your feed. You know that many won't be stopped through appeasement as there is no interest in solutions, as the animosity is not based in anger at poverty or hunger or injustice. These out-of-date ideologies are dangerous and based in long-term revenge and a self-hatred that cannot be fixed by politics or politicians.

You talked with an older homeless woman who frequents your block, and sometimes sleeps in the alley two houses behind yours. She is well put together, clean, thin, dyes her hair, wears all black and travels with a suitcase on wheels. You approached her thinking you could get to know her. Your first interaction was when you offered her a bag of popcorn your daughter was eating. She opened her mouth to show you she had no teeth. She said she preferred money as she raises it to stay in nearby motels. She had a smoking habit so you knew she had a cigarette budget. You saw her once on the porch of a nearby house, smoking with a younger guy who lived there. In their eyes was either a heroin-induced coma stare or that wayward gaze of post-coital bliss. Either way it was disturbing. You see her frequent construction sites and she seems to know all the workers, you cannot imagine she is turning tricks like a lot lizard but anything is possible. Depravity knows no limits.

It's almost as if living on the streets is a welcome option to the continual struggle within society to not just keep up with the Joneses but to stay afloat when everywhere you turn the tide is trying to pull you under. A surrender full stop that gets you outside of the grid but more exposed to the elements so that when you turn 50 you will look 60, what they call on the street a hard 50.

Unable to share your thoughts or opinions on most matters either online or in direct real life conversations results with a louder brain of debates and conversations with yourself that seem logical and make sense but are never fully flushed out as they are merely monologues and inherently biased. When you think if there will be a time again that discourse will be acceptable you think to yourself that it doesn't matter anyway, that your opinion is insignificant and can be countered aggressively by someone from the other side who will dogmatically explain to you that their opinion is more elitist and how could you ever think like this, because you are the problem sir.

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Exasperated you break when the pressure cooker has had enough, be it financial ruins or the paranoia that you may be attacked while out for a stroll with your children. In these moments you sort out the levels of concern related to potential violence, a form of triaging your vulnerabilities. Since most are hypotheticals and fantastical projections you go about your life relying on superstitious numbers and hoping to be in the clear for another day.

Questioning value of anything is the auction that runs the mind with potentialities being some distracting entertainment or a good meal. Perhaps the attention you so badly seek. You as a new kind of leader, a social artist for the masses. Someone who envisions the world as a canvas and the only one with a clear blueprint or telenovela script. This paradigm of re-telling another re-tread while utilizing contemporary and ancient techniques for the admiration of your unknown followers.

49. For primitive societies the natural world (which usually changes only slowly) provided a stable framework and therefore a sense of security. In the modern world it is human society that dominates nature rather than the other way around, and modern society changes very rapidly owing to technological change. Thus there is no stable framework. (T. Kaczynski, 1995)

As it turns out much of what we witness leaves us wondering how neglect and inaction by politicians could ever sustain the unsustainable and your expectations simply become lowered and a new bar is set for what you expect of society. This may mean higher gas prices, it may mean that you accept rampant homelessness as a fully normalized component of any successful capitalistic society. It may mean that multiple genders are here to stay and you are now tasked with wrapping your feeble mind around them and if you do not accept and learn them, and use the proper pronouns when talking to s/him then you risk exposing your bigotry.

And now after going through things like a divorce and bankruptcy and the death of a father and multiple civil lawsuits, you know it is all for the better that now your fortitude is increased ever so slightly and has enabled you to be partially dead inside when you confront uncomfortable situations. It doesn't mean that you have better skill sets to discern how to best handle these moments, but you are afforded a road map of how to sink within the mental shell of scar tissue that provides temporary relief from the uncomfortable external noise.

How to explain ANTIFA when their ideals and tactics are not antifascist but actually fascist. It only makes sense after you dig deeper and find that many of these fringe players who show up to protest things like a police shooting or some White Nationalist parade, when you find that they are paid up to $20 per hour, and that they were recruited through "gig" ads on craigslist. They are told to wear all black, and to cover their faces with handkerchiefs. This conveys a more ominous tone when you may have a baby face or difficulty growing facial hair. It helps for the round faces of the obese. You struggle to process that by them smashing a storefront window of a Starbucks there is no real message and they don't garner new followers to their plight. When these actors do get heated in live conflict and the screaming begins and the homemade medieval weaponry is pulled out of backpacks, you cannot help but feel the rage is rooted in some primal scream offletting of years of personal angst that is now being redirected from an absent parent to the cops lined up with riot shields.

When you live by identity politics you die by identity politics. You as say a cisgender white male marginalized by a certain tokenism because of your affinity for sex with females, and the privilege afforded you by living a life without confusion for what you desire. You find glimmers of solace when you read something that strikes a chord with your very existence, or when you see another white male close in age who looks at the backside of a passing woman, you know he shares your most inherent interests, and there is a comfort in that.

Heredity determines looks, intelligence, even body functions. Another destined behavioral proclivity is instinct. An inborn tendency to behave certain ways without training. Also known as drives or conditioned reflexes, there have always been spontaneous and unlearned ways of going about life, setting up house, courting the opposite sex, hunting food, gathering supplies and caring for the young.

In September, 1934, a young man found the lower half of a female torso, amputated at the knees with thighs still attached, washed up on the shores of Lake Erie. September, 1935, two teenage boys found the decapitated corpse of a white male at the dead end of a place called Kingsbury Run. The body had been drained of its blood. January, 1936, a woman discovered the lower half of a female body tightly wrapped in newspaper and left in a basket on a busy street corner. Her limbs were later discovered and fingerprints were able to identify her as a local barmaid and prostitute. June, 1936, two children in a playground discovered the head of a male wrapped in a pair of trousers. July, 1936, a teenage girl came across a decapitated body while walking through the woods near Kingsbury Run. September, 1936, a transient discovered another victim when he tripped over a male torso. The rest of that body was found in a nearby sewer. February, 1937, a man found the upper half of a female torso washed up on a Lake Erie beach. She was never identified. June, 1937, a teenage boy found a skull under a bridge, next to it was a bag full of skeletal remains, later to be identified as an indigent black woman. July, 1937, victim number nine was seen floating headless down the Cuyahoga River. April, 1938, what appeared to be a floating dead fish was actually a woman's leg which belonged to the tenth victim. August, 1938, a group of scavengers found the torso of a woman in a local landfill. September, 1938, infamous crime fighter Eliot Ness and local sheriffs descended upon the hobo jungles of Kingsbury Run working their way through the encampments and rounding up sixty three men. With the shanties deserted they searched for clues. Then Ness ordered the shacks be set on fire. Local media criticized the "overly spectacular" event as nothing that will help in solving the "Torso Murders." But the murders did stop, and in July 1939 Ness and local authorities arrested a brick layer who in an incoherent confession provided precise details to the murders. But those present at the interview felt as if he had been coached up. Before he could go to trial he was found dead in his cell. He was five feet eight inches tall but hung himself off a hook just five feet seven inches off the floor. The Kingsbury Run Murders are considered to be unsolved to this date, and all police records have been lost or destroyed.

Avant-garde acting techniques will allow for the actor to interpret the text while exploring the dynamic opposition between representation and presence. This concept of co-deviser permits the actor to draw upon more of their personal experience and less of what belongs to someone else. Improvisation factors into the composition work through the actor engaging his/her audience in real time through live performance, even if through social broadcast, with that mysterious inner power being radiated outward. This is called "command" and is galvanized through an intrinsic and energetic relationship built on trust with the audience.

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The following is excerpted from the manifesto "The Great Replacement" written by the now-infamous New Zealand Mosque Shooter. Its gist is pondering on white genocide among other conspiracy theories. Minutes before the shooting the killer emailed the 74-page document to several dozen people, including local press. Much of the contents were labeled as "shitposting" by the mainstream media and the NZ government even made it illegal to possess or distribute it within NZ: It's the birth rates. If there is only one thing you take away from these readings it is that birthrates must change. Even if we were to deport all non-Europeans from our lands tomorrow the European people would still be spiraling into decay and eventual death. Every day we become fewer as we grow older and weaker. We need to return to replacement fertility rates which is 2.06 births per woman. White people are failing to reproduce and no white nation meets this quota. We fail to create the cheap labor, new consumers and tax base for the corporations. We are staring down the complete racial and cultural replacement of the European people. Look no further than the population statistics for 2100, through immigration there will be full ethnic, cultural, and racial replacement. This is white genocide. In order to correct this we must end the disaster of hedonistic and nihilistic individualism. We lack the time scale required to enact civilizational paradigm shifts to return to prosperity. We have been disenfranchised, our nations subverted and our communities destroyed. We must deal with the invaders in our lands and crush immigration for the survival of our people. Why did you carry out this attack, you ask. To show these invaders that this land will never be their land and to take revenge on the hundreds of thousands of deaths caused by foreigners. To revenge the enslavement of millions of Europeans taken from their lands by Islamic slavers. To avenge the terror attacks of 9/11. To avenge the murder of Ebba Akerlund. To incite violence and retaliation. To agitate political enemies. To show the effect of direct action, lighting a path forward for those who wish to follow. To create an atmosphere of fear. To add momentum to the swinging pendulum. To drive a wedge between NATO and the Turks. To create conflict between the two ideologies within America on the ownership of firearms. Anything to ensure the death of the melting pot pipe dream. My inspiration: Young Ebba Akerlund, an innocent, partially deaf Swedish girl who was walking to meet her mother after school when she was murdered by an Islamic attacker who was driving a stolen vehicle through a shopping promenade. She was unable to hear him coming. The indignity of her violent demise broke through my jaded cynicism and I could no longer ignore what was happening. Did you carry out the attack for fame? No, that would be laughable, nobody can remember the names of the 9/11 attackers. I will be forgotten quickly, which I do not mind. But the aftershock from my actions will ripple for years, creating an atmosphere of fear and change that is required. Why did you choose the time to attack? The best time to attack was yesterday, the next best time is today. Are you a nationalist? Yes, an ethno-nationalist, I place importance on the health and well being of my race above all else. Are you a shill or some government agent? No, but the next person could be, so your healthy skepticism is a good thing. Just don't let it fester into a paranoia that keeps you from supporting what is best for you. What do you encourage us to do? Men of the West must be men once more. Is this your complete writings and views? No, there was a much larger work written which went into depth but in a moment of self-criticism I deleted it all. My views are only half finished, my actions will now need to speak for me. In closing: Children of invaders do not stay children, they become adults and reproduce, creating more people for the replacement. They grow up and vote against your politicians. They take your potential homes, removing wealth and destroying trust. Any invader you kill will be one less enemy your children will have to face. Would you rather do the killing or leave it to them?

Throughout your twenties you had a certain type of woman as your most ideal. She would be busty with darker skin. Not ethnic just tan. You found women like Gwyneth Paltrow or Uma Thurman to be unattractive and slightly manly. That these handsome women got a pass in the beauty department because they were Hollywood royalty. But then in your mid-thirties your tastes evolved and you suddenly got it. It wasn't overnight, but you became attracted to women like Jessica Chastain or Julianne Moore. Maybe it's a result of maturity with a taste for the finer things or it is a bounce back reflex to the pre-packaged ideal of the American woman with her exaggerated curves and other unnatural aesthetics. It's as if your deep-seated instincts cannot be tricked but must be allowed to surface on their own.

Culture shock is not so much about the anxiety of confronting a new culture, but the mourning that takes place in relation to losing one's original culture, and the identity attached to that which is familiar. It is enough to trigger erotomanic behaviors with those who have preexisting psychosis, namely borderline personality. Most notably it is derived from cultures of homosexual repression. Along this thinking are males from traditionally Islamic cultures who are marginalized in the West. Their sociosexual cues leave them estranged from cultural norms, where individualism is valued more than collectivism. In this cultural distancing is the difficulty at adaption which results in deeper isolation, lending to the potential of further disconnects including bad behavior when dealing with Western women. The motivational dynamics involved include a pathological mourning for his lost culture, and the subsequent loss of identity as a marginalized player within the complexities of the new culture.

When you use the internet your brain becomes swamped with artificial endorphins resulting in a physically soothing euphoria that masquerades as an empowering uplift from the gloomier reality of your somewhat meaningless or pitiful life. Self-regulation within the body shuts down and norepinephrine increases allow for a lifting of inhibitions. The result can be manic laughter at a stupid joke or grandiose thinking of a life being played out under a more glorified light, complete with camera crew and entourage in tow.

The simulacrum is the collapsed-in void where reality and art meet, that borderland where creativity penetrates the day-to-day, with a marked absence of authentic reality that bears no relation to what is going on IRL around you. It is pure stimulation and takes over for the redundant fever pitch gained within hyper-reality. An incestuous breeding of nihilism and nullification takes it beyond theory and into the spectre of subversion and observed reflections of genealogy and unwilling formalism. Something far more complex than ever imagined by previous generations and a simmering legacy in the refusal by our predecessors to de-install.

Softcore is the visualization of accessibility to the female body through particular gazes and certain posing. The rules of softcore do not allow for actual sex and penetration so the manners are confined to alluring facial expressions or positioning to angle off her more seductive features, highlighted by imagery of discourse. She is telling you how she is the girl next door or possibly a sexual vixen, even a closeted nymphomaniac waiting to bring you into the folds of her whoredom. Much of the allusion is to what happens outside of the frame, that promised respite from any conveyed notions of shame, as she is tasked with confirming that the male viewer is desired and that she embodies the illustrated features of beauty and youth through her endearing softcore representation.

You remember at the age of twelve obtaining a discarded Playboy collection and stashing them in your tree house and inviting kids over to trade magazines for Swatch watches which were the big thing at the time. There was an eagerness for access to these pictures that $100 watches were nothing for a kid to part with. There were copies of harder stuff, like Penthouse and OUI, which showed guys with erections and some shallow penetration. These stayed at the bottom of the pile and were not available for trade, but you did allow buyers to peruse them, to give them a brief taste of this newly-discovered forbidden world. Anything to sweeten the deal. This was all the anatomy lesson and sex ed you needed, as when your father sat you down when you were fourteen and said he needed to talk to you about the birds and the bees you panicked out of embarrassment, he as well, and you said you know everything you need to know and he said good and you ended the meeting even though, at the time, you thought women delivered babies out of their buttholes.

There was nothing apparent in the light or how the sky now held itself after the sudden rush of new airborne contaminants, but as a Californian you knew too much about typhus and tuberculosis and leprosy. How the materials of disease form to create sub-developments and other building blocks for harm. It's not like the residents wanted to know this information, but there is protection in awareness so collectively they took in what they knew to be important, at least what the government wanted them to know and fear.

At one point you had to decide on a degree so you chose Religious Studies as a way to better understand the psychology of terrorists. Basically what would cause someone to be all-in in anything really. And other factors like where you are born and the hook of local folklore paired with your own level of fervor causing you to go so hard one way. Believing in Allah can take you places, it can afford you a righteous life of structure and discipline or it can be the reason you blow yourself into pieces at an open-air marketplace. Finding salvation in Jesus Christ could be the reason you got sober or it could be the reason you lit up a mosque with an AR15. Terror in the mid-nineties consisted of looking back at cinematic 747 hijackings or cruise ship takeovers like the Achille Lauro. Within this nostalgia for the production, there was a romantic bent to groups like Baader-Meinhof or the Red Army Faction, with cool names that now invoke zero response when asked of their meaning. Nowadays the "Baader-Meinhof Phenomenon" means to stumble upon an obscure piece of information, like an unfamiliar name or word, and subsequently encounter the same subject again and again. It could even be something that you anticipate with the introduction of new information. It could be explained off as nothing more than synchronicity, of having a highly meaningful coincidence. It would be a half decade before 9/11 would happen and Al Qaeda would put to sleep all academic talk of these far left European groups, even the IRA and ETA fell into obscurity.

Some criticism for American cults is validated in the many horrible events conducted in the name of these new religious movements. There can be push back as well in the aspect of newness for the group and their belief in something different, or so intense, even authoritarian. Often the suspension to believe requires cutting ties with kin and ending friendships. Those left behind are often dismayed. Misinformation campaigns begin to swirl, with much of the anti-cult that emerges being cult-like in itself. Much of the vigor required is the aggression to the opposition. This is what they call deprogramming. A subversion mythology emerges that intensifies conflict within the sociocultural climate heightening the tension while denigrating the moral status of the weaker set. Esoteric beliefs are deployed to kill off the guilt pangs for rejecting family. New methods for expressing love are instigated and the near future emerges from its dubious cloud to allow for the subject to renounce whatever is left that they are holding onto.

There is a fair amount of complication when you try and discern identity and all that has been made of gender and the apparent deliberate confusion because nobody is really at the wheel when it comes to fully defining what is going on. Yet, in its wake is a gaslighting effect that suddenly there are several dozen designations afforded you in defining your gender. Something that would make sense as a violation of core feminist theory is the inclusion of formerly male, now female, athletes winning all the events, or what some would argue as even more troubling, their presence in locker rooms, prisons, and domestic violence shelters. The ditching of the triggering word vagina for the much more inclusive front hole. Anything to ease the burden of living in the incorrect body. If you disagree, this is merely whatever privilege that has been offered you acting up.

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We are pleased you have discovered The Luddite Society for Ambient Addiction and hope the following information is of help in your journey:

Known causes of internet addiction:

*excessive use

*tolerance

*withdrawal

*negative repercussions

Everyone experiences the internet differently and some more extensively than others, some use it for work and others to socialize. There is a rewarding nature to it and various areas of the brain are activated when online.

Do you ever experience:

*sleep problems

*Carpal tunnel syndrome

*severe headaches

*significant weight loss or gain

*strained vision

The initial casual quality of its usage can rapidly lead to unpleasant feelings of loneliness or anxiety. You may even want to relieve unpleasant feelings through more usage, not realizing you are only feeding the addictive nature.

Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) explores the patient's specific usage patterns and then introduces a new schedule to interrupt existing patterns. Activities that will require the patient to exit their use of the internet and active steps to break established patterns. Selective Serotonin Reuptake Inhibitors (SSRIs) can be administered to deal with depression and anxiety.

Due to the wide prevalence of the internet in everyday life, addicts may find it impossible to monitor their own usage. In these extreme cases we have Residential Internet Addiction Treatment Facilities. In a supervised environment you are guided by professionals who better understand what is involved with your addiction. You may have other health disorders co-occurring or underlying addictions that are complicating your potential recovery, and if left untreated you cannot fully heal. Through group therapy you will learn how you developed your addictions and discover techniques in how to avoid situations that could lead to relapse.

Compulsive and destructive habits have the potential to interfere with everyday life and with psychological dependence you may experience symptoms from some of these internet addictions:

*Cybersex addiction: obsessive use of online pornography or involvement in adult chat rooms, interfering with real life intimacy.

*Net compulsions: addictive online gambling, stock trading, auction sites or gaming, resulting in financial ruin.

*Online shopping addiction: when retail therapy is played out without seeing actual currency spent, there is an illusion that takes money out of the transaction and results in financial distress.

*Cyber-relationship addiction: addictive behavior with social networks, including messaging and chat rooms, getting in the way of relationships in real life (IRL).

*Computer addiction: obsessive behavior involving playing off-line games or programming of code.

*Information overload: compulsive behavior of browsing and surfing the internet to seek out news or other forms of entertainment, interfering with daily activities.

We find that individuals who feel isolated, misunderstood and/or lonely are the most drawn to the imaginary world of the internet. There can be substitutions for real-life interpersonal relationships and the opportunity to reinvent oneself, to compensate for perceived personal deficiencies.

When you take on a character you need to know that character, at least to the level of a close friend. You need to know what choices that character would make, and in order to sort through the evidence you must find clues in the script. It's important you are not overly influenced by the performance of others because in order to fill the gaps you must draw conclusions. This is what acting coaches call "inference," as your movements and pauses may be part of an overall vision, leading to the final layering of invention. Some of it may be unactable generalizations but this is where you, the actor, paint the final picture. It may be a simple nuance of you deciding the moon is full tonight or that your family conditions were worse than they really were. This final element of the progression ensures that your viewer has been well-served, and requires minimal rehearsal.

In the redefining of intimacy is the online culture of performing for one's identity in laying out a sexual scripting that invokes a certain willingness to hook up. This may consist of introducing yourself online as a super freak or likes to explore or ready to please. A rollover cultural standard is set from the re-commodification of female bodies in porn and strip clubs that then influences the unattainable sexing-up of the ambient context, well outside of the analog reality. This stark subjectivity is equally applicable to males with the general expectation of virility and big dicks. It transcends racial, ethnic and cultural norms. It comes down to your presentation to the audience that you are insatiable, extremely active, enjoy sex and embrace whore/slut labels.

You didn't mind when tornadoes wiped out Midwestern towns or hurricanes flooded Caribbean islands because you had your earthquakes, without warning and infrequent, often going unnoticed but registered and hyped up to give you something to talk about. Then came the wildfires. What had historically been a wild west institution had become beyond anyone's control with megafires that could eliminate entire small towns in under thirty minutes. There was no response to these and this was new territory. Fire liked to move west and downward toward the valley floor, so the foothills were no longer safe and getting insurance was nearly impossible. When the high winds arrived the utility companies would kill the power for days. In the abundance of your life was a reminder of the frontier living that existed just below the polish of your perceived togetherness.

When it comes to your writing you are not limited in your mind by any imagined audience rather a void where you would place card someone reading the prose shaking their heads at some silly banter or being physically moved by a triggering slice of the past that one may have shared under a different light. When you first start out writing you imagine your audience as that one most supportive family member, maybe an aunt or cousin, someone who likes to read and will devour your new work. You then navigate your words based on how you think this idealized reader will handle this or that. You stifle yourself and create a narrative that will suit a certain someone. Then your work is published and that person never reads it, or if they do they mask their authentic feelings for it. You come to the realization that there is no audience. Your only fan is you and that you must write what you would want to read. The last four novels that you have read have been your own.

It should be easy to get worked up when you see fatality numbers in the hundreds after a suicide bombing in a church in an Arab land but more upsetting is something with much lower numbers, like a dozen or so, in say an American school shooting. There is more of a connection, to the victims and even the shooter. Because we cannot relate to the religious nut job who strapped himself with C4 and donned a burka and walked into an Easter service in Fallujah and was detonated by cell phone by his driver parked several blocks away. But the bullied high school junior who got hold of his father's assault rifle and pistol, wrote his manifesto and arrived ten minutes into the start of the school day, he garners more of a connection, like he is equally a victim and even if he is not to be named should be counted in the head count.

Morbid thoughts piqued your interest in the possible serial killing of local indigents. The story of low-key homicide on homeless people, nothing too gruesome and only thus far linked by the frequency of the deaths and the shared "unhomed" aspect of the victims. Most people didn't talk about it because they would rather not know or they had not connected the dots themselves. You were intrigued and wondered if you were the only one linking these killings with the so-called "Tortilla Flats" murders, as loosely named by local news, the somewhat random but frequent murder-suicides by Mexican nationals.

You joined her gym with a burner credit card you pre-loaded with cash at the Western Union so you would not leave a financial trace. Your family knew you were working out, they just didn't know where. And your schedule would fluctuate depending on when she would be there, and until you both found a serendipity to your schedules there would be dry runs. But with any surveillance there is no wasted energy, as there is always something new to be learned and categorized in the reconnaissance mind.

The image of her grey leggings being stretched by her bending at the knees during squats left an indelible mark on your fixated mind. This is what you sought out in real life from the pictures in her social media. The honesty afforded by leggings versus the manufactured rush from yoga pants designed for body manipulation in the curving and displacement of junk. Leggings allowed for the most honest conveyance of what you have to work with. It is nothing more than a fabric veil over the raw goods, a show curtain before the surprise. Why grey? There is a blanding of the color palette to allow for focus on what shaping is at hand, nuanced shadowing, and to better distinguish the lack of panty line with the increased possibility for a more defined camel toe.

In the move toward a highly choreographed or staged aesthetic, the influencer's perceived aspirational lifestyle is rooted in a modality of sexualization relying on porno chic gestures, that of popped hips or suggestive parted lips. Conveying a certain solicitation, the game becomes how to garner comments, even though influencers do not reply, boasters do engage. Comments like my penis your ass very sexy or damn gurl get w/ me, even you are beautiful princess wanna sex u. The harassment is different than that of offline dialogue, with the constant ability for an ever-growing consumer base and the tenuous determination that it is nothing more than another component of the self-objectification.

The most common coping mechanism deployed by trauma survivors is called "splitting off." Experiencing something so horrible that the only survival response is mental escape from the physical realm. Breaking off inner thoughts from the incoming flow of the physical sensory experience. This does not necessarily mean the victim now has split or multiple personalities, yet it has the potential to manifest itself later in life with the victim taking on various personae in everyday life, perhaps a conservative style in the workplace while acting extremely loose and unrestrained outside of those confines. Their behavior is life-learned and they are masters at switching into the personality needed for the appropriate situation.

A continual unfolding of contact within a new cultural environment, with the psychology involved, whether that be behavioral or cultural, is the bringing about of an unexpected stress, and the typical confusion and anxiety related to the heightened alienation and marginality. Political refugees are the hardest hit in the abruptness and permanence of their uprooting, versus those who have voluntarily made the move. To address the acculturation stress, those affected will manifest their symptoms in obsessional following of targeted strangers. Some are on record as choosing their victims because of the way they styled their hair or their homeliness and varied degrees of masculine traits, sometimes something as simple as a passing smile in a supermarket.

The advent of the internet has allowed for a deeper exploration of the self, including that of one's sexuality and related sexual proclivities. Through virtual communities, support groups, fandom chat rooms and e-commerce, there has been an identity re-construction resulting in empowerment and motivation to present RL (real life) action into the ambient world, that of the perceived invisible audience and their anonymous praise. Mitigating factors within real life restrictions have kept the mind's psychological narcissism in check but much of the online expression translates into direct reward. When one can self-publish this is nothing more than empowered exhibitionism. Any internalization of control is the byproduct of self-regulation resulting from built-in shame (stronger for those who experienced adult life pre-internet). The professionals argue that it's a form of self-perseverance as the more we show the freer we become because there is less of us to capture. Some argue the presentation of the selfie is a form of escape, that of a short-lived suspension of everyday life into the visual narrative of highlighted living set against a backdrop of the dominant analog paradigm. Through the positive reinforcement there is a psychological uplift, while non-normative body aesthetics can be normalized, and through a filtered erotic looking glass receive new forms of gratification.

V.

INFERIORITY

VERSUS

THE IMPERSONAL

Entering into early life, children are taken from their magical thinking of the exuberance of an undying imagination and forced into schooling that throttles and tames the outcomes of their truest potential. In this acquiescence is a sublimation of child wanting to please adults and the only derivative is conformity. This systematic diligence manifests itself in a heightened sense of industry and being industrious for the sake of staying busy, something that carries into adulthood with a more advanced fervor. In these moments the child is vulnerable to feelings of inferiority through being ill-equipped when facing the early introduction of electronic devices. Inner hindrances now come to the surface and are externalized when it is revealed that the child has no tools for the near future apart from their recently embraced sex organs. This latency stage comes on hardest in the storm of puberty and the newly emerging combinations result in the dominance of sex parts. Identity is made aware in the acknowledgement that we may actually be defined by the color of our skin or what our parents do for jobs or where we live or the clothes we wear. In this awakening we realize there is still time to change our identity, to modify the smaller things that we can change and manipulate our appearance or who we choose as friends. These smaller and commonly unnoticed nuances are what now define our self-worth and are the criterion for our worthiness, as we succumb to the role of slave to the tools (technology) while becoming more hopeful of the future.

America, a nation of trauma survivors and trauma victims, those who have succumbed to high levels of abuse that manifest now in botched tattoos and obesity, to the most extreme of full-blown madness through street living and drug consumption, those hardest hit, lost to the streets without ties to family members and mothballed social security numbers.

In the city where you live there is a stretch of street that once was a power center for car sales, big lots of shiny white and grey sedans, high flags, glass showrooms, with your dream vehicle awaiting. Now that neighborhood is referred to as Little Kabul, even though it is not full of Afghani immigrants it is full of Syrian refugees and they have overtaken the apartment complexes, the markets have been reimagined as kasbah-like, the thrift stores thrive and this is where the majority of the ride share drivers live. It has become a no-go zone for people like you.

Of course there are good immigrants, those old school glorified ones that came with nothing on their backs and worked through poverty to start a business or get into real estate. Sadly this is not the case anymore. There is not the willingness to integrate with the locals, rather a reverse of this in doubling down with your ethnic stance, holding firm by wearing your burka into public, or foregoing western practices by not using body deodorant. Small things that defy local logic and can be seen as nothing more than passive aggressive stances of defiance.

Why does it sometimes take a semi lifetime to find the right one to be with for the long haul, maybe it was for you to go through some stuff to come out better equipped on the other end, or maybe it was because you were never ready, you just got lucky to be with someone who is even gentler than you, that you trust will not go off the handle for no reason, shattering the peaceful moments that lead to intimacy that is so perfected you hope for it to never end and you wonder how your bodies know to blend so well.

Continuity of identity in the American boy requires the appropriate milieu of what the child is exposed to and what the child never sees. This may mean no dolls for boys or for the black kids no exposure to white fathers.

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The slow reveal of truth from the deception in push up bras, or aggressive contoured makeup, fake lashes and foundation to cover the small spots of butt acne or primers for ingrown hair around the side walls of her lady parts. How the cameraman could read your desire and switch off of a zooming in shot of her spreading vagina to a quick panning of her moaning face, then down to a hardened areola with those tiny milk gland bumps on heightened duty from the chilled air blowing from the ducting above the hot lights, wafting the excreting odors and keeping the room at 68. An angle on her backside and the faded tramp stamp of a yin/yang symbol then to the balloon knotted flower petal of a partially prolapsed anus, quick pan to the male performer's raging hard-on and the post-production dubbed-in screeching moan from off camera actresses with girly voices. You look for discrepancies, for those takes that show melting eyeliner as the gauge to the linear performance. Or a torn fishnet that now miraculously is still in tact. And smiles as winks of authenticity, like does she do this because she wants to get laid or for the money as she is unemployable otherwise. A constant in the ultra-rigidity of an exaggerated hard-on staying throbbing through the despair and downtime of retakes, the awkward slight when he went to penetrate her mouth but she grabbed him by the base of the shaft and sucked his balls, or when he went down on her and licked the primer off some ingrown hair under halogen flood lighting. You search out their tendency to find each other wonderful in these moments, and find a certain comfort in the solemn authenticity of being an involved audience member, as your involvement is just as important to the performance.

When people say they found their religion, be it a small scale local cult or something more mainstream like Buddhism or Islam it comes back around to where you were born, and how this choice you made was based on options and if the option had not been afforded you then you would have chosen something else, regardless of your high level of devotion to this point. The all-in ethos of the charismatic cult leader and his inner circle of cute hippie girls or the big dogma of Islam and the surrender required before you can be considered a legitimate player.

Beholding the birthday of a child is a grief event with the shedding of the child's innocence, closer to adulthood, puberty, bad skin, crisis on crisis; you there as a parent closer to your own demise, one year older as gravity feels stronger and there are less magical hours, and the biggest fear is your child pushing away from you, no longer wanting that closeness you cherished for so many years, those forgotten times for them but the most formidable for you.

When you learned to walk the lead up to the event involved many days and hours of coaxing by adults and alone time trying to figure out how to function with this new ability, then the arrival of an immediate awareness that now you are on two legs, upright, and able to cross the room at much better rates of speed. To date, the internalization of this event is the first big physical mastery of your young life. There is social prestige and your self-esteem grows from it. You begin to possess convictions for your future and hopefulness in your contribution to social reality. Your life plan is nothing more than a successful variant of bolstered encouragement as your ego identity grows from these recognized accomplishments.

Some of the kids you will go to school with will identify as queer or maybe as another sex. They may look like a girl but they think they are a boy, and some effeminate boy who has grown out his hair may identify as a girl so the teachers want you to treat them like how they let you know they are, so if you see one coming into the bathroom just let it do its thing and don't panic, even if you are startled, just leave the bathroom and come back later.

Sexual conduct is not something you learn by observing parents or even other adults having sex in real life. The exception to this is viewing porn and its ability to show a multitude of sex acts and provide for arousal stimuli in its consumption. In this is a detachment from the love script, moving one's mapping into the hedonistic ideal. It becomes all about the sex act, the performance, the moving parts, facial emotions, the colors and the sounds. It is no longer about connection. The consuming quality is that of options, of positions, levels of deviance, alternatives like oral or anal, and the marked distinction between the over-willing actors. The response is highly subjective but accessibility begins to equate acceptability. With the abundance of content the viewer settles upon genres that mirror his/her own prevailing intrapsychic script. This point of reference is tested by overconsumption as well as a cognitive dissonance when applied to the negative attitudes that stem from porn and the surging ambivalence toward its prevalence in one's life(style).

UNINCORPORATED PART OF TOWN--Daniella Garcia, 22, was found with a gunshot wound at 8pm local time in the 1400 block of San Ygnacio Way. She died at the scene. No suspect has been taken into custody.

Homeless normativity is not a known term as it is something you made up. It's how politicians allowed for a normalizing of homelessness through telling the cops to no longer enforce laws like illegal camping, littering, panhandling, or public defecation. This went on for several years and allowed for the initial shock of homelessness, that I need to do something mindset of volunteering to hand out food or donate the clothes you never wear, to an acceptance that clothing and food won't help and that the sympathetic hobo-like bums of yore are now a more zombified set and not to be approached. It's as if homelessness has become mainstream, no longer an outlier underground set. In this acceptance, by local government, but not you, there is the phenomenon that if you speak ill of these folks that you are a bigot and discriminating against a group that needs your patience and compassion. There exists a narrative of urban camping and a nostalgia for bucking the trend of 9 to 5 and being off the grid, resulting in a romanticized bent, regardless of the Mad Max conditions.

In the face of this narrative is the environmental disaster that the homeless leave in their wake, as well as the startling statistic that each has on average three homemade weapons, typically knives and clubs, things you don't want them to have on them when a schizophrenic episode grabs them. That moment you are passing them on the sidewalk and you lock eyes and your downfall is now the reason for their existence, a couple of quick shivs into your abdomen enough to sideline you for a year. Weeks of blood tests to see if you contracted HIV or hep C, or some new strain.

72. Modern society is in certain respects extremely permissive. In matters that are irrelevant to the functioning of the system we can generally do what we please. We can believe in any religion (as long as it does not encourage behavior that is dangerous to the system). We can go to bed with anyone we like (as long as we practice "safe sex"). We can do anything we like as long as it is UNIMPORTANT. But in all IMPORTANT matters the system tends increasingly to regulate our behavior. (T. Kaczynski, 1995)

You should go into your first internet porn experience with the mindset and understanding that you are about to have a relaxing experience, that your heart rate will lower and your emotional capacity will envelop new feelings of love, and a connection between the actors and what plays out on the screen. You will be free of anxiety and your consciousness will be so altered you will not fully grasp reality when the video clip is over. Your life will be enriched and you will feel comfortable in the post-gratifying bliss. There will be no aftereffects like guilt or other letdowns. You will feel like a butterfly afloat outside of your body, fully attuned to this new world while your underground mind is better synced with your senses.

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The first US school shooting took place near the present-day city of Greencastle, Pennsylvania, on July 26, 1764, when four Lenape Indians shot and scalped schoolmaster Enoch Brown and nine students. There were two survivors of what was to become known as the Pontiac Rebellion School Massacre. When the killers returned to their village their chief rebuked them as cowards for attacking children. In response politicians re-introduced a bounty on Indians, which paid 134 dollars for the scalp of a native male over the age of ten.

Differing viewpoints and political stances are based on the level of victimhood one feels, which can begin in childhood and be solidified through indoctrination by parents. If one sides with the victim mindset they will be all in for supporting the rights of the homeless regardless of their efforts being enabling tools that hurt these individuals through further inactivity versus action. If one has no patience or compassion for the plight this can be rooted in a childhood rearing consisting of accountability and personal destiny through hard work and responsibility. When there are the rare encampment shutdowns by local cops there tends to be protestors there for the homeless. These folks are damaged goods and physical specimens of denied personal responsibility. It shows all too well, and to an extent can be embarrassing.

Similarly, in line with this thinking, are those who feel compelled to shout down others who voice any kind of opposing opinion to their own. Why not just let people speak their mind? It may be because the one who wants the oppression is the one who cannot regulate their own emotions so they are compelled to end your emotions where theirs have ended. If you are regulated by an inability to feel then you need to shut it down for others, otherwise you may become further triggered and inconsolable.

Social roles and relationships are redefined, even tested, in the experimental zones of playful deviance within the context of urban leisure activity. When the secret self can be most engaged and afforded a backspace for life in order to better control the surveillance and narrative for the audience. In the ambivalence of disorder there is a truth to nudity and the subversion characterized by indecent exposure. The computer and the internet afford this activity by bringing these long-held -isms into modern times with the ability for contribution, like sending unsolicited dick pics or some slow-motion teaser video clip of you undressing. The offline version may entail a visit to the mall or a park, even a library known for such exchanges. It could be argued that this is the crux of the redefined relationship in the internet age, that ambient one-way mirror from your isolation to the wider world at large, and the invisible disconnect from the scale of it all.

With the arrival of the inner disequilibrium comes the moments when we ask ourselves where we have been in the preceding moments, assuming that our self-perception is indeed working in our favor and not another misguided self-deception. When we find our feelings based on the non-reality of fantasies and all that we wish we had done or the limits of our circumstantial existence for a better-imagined life with omnipotent fantasies pursuing unfettered license for the ignored calm of manipulation, it's as if we become nonexistent slow dancers with the people closest to us.

For the sake of simplification "stalking" is defined as any unwanted contact that communicates a threat or places the victim in fear. Stalkers are often obsessed with an individual and will monitor his or her actions including whereabouts, conversations, text messages, calls and internet activity. Sometimes stalking is used as a way to re-establish a former intimate relationship or to feel close to a person with whom there is not an established relationship. Stalking victims, if aware of the surveillance, may feel a constant fear that at any moment their safety will be threatened. It is all about the not knowing when the threat may become violent and in this there can be an onset of depression or anxiety, even social isolation. Because of this it is key to remain unknown during these activities.

There is hushed talk that transgenderism is nothing more than mental illness. For the later stage transitioners, those men who had large families and forty year marriages and then in their sixties embarked on a most dramatic change with the shaving off of an Adam's apple, then within two years had professed to chopping of their dick and balls because they were "tired of tucking the damn things in." A simplified explanation could be psychopathy, perhaps paired with dementia or the fog of onset alzheimers.

Due to your own issues with codependency you have difficulty expressing yourself and putting forth externally your beliefs that may run contrary to the mainstream narrative of where you live. It's like being out for a drive with your windows all rolled down and you are blasting music loudly and when you pull up to a red light you turn the music down to not bother those within your proximity. The idea that you may voice something that is considered anti-Islamic to then be shout down by a social justice warrior who will defend the faith that supports pedophilic marriages, or cliterectomies to ensure there is no pleasure during sex. This combobulation of warped logic is why you stay quiet.

Ingrained worldviews cannot be reconciled by arguments about the discrepancies between white people and dark people, whether Latinx or Black American. Any successful attempt at obedience by children in a classroom requires the pressure that comes from a like-appearance teacher, not some white female trying to get a black boy to listen. It does not work like this. Cultural pathology requires deference with a running inner tension and urgency that only comes with a person of authority recalling in your mind someone more familiar from your past. Anything else can be blended into the intellect as a mixed-race fantasy set up.

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The first times you shadowed her at the gym you made the decision to leave your ID at home and only carry your fully-charged cell phone. You got close to her a few times, almost brushing her elbow next to the drinking fountain. Up close, without her makeup there was a realness to her. Her leggings were not fitting as imagined. She was nothing more than a regular American girl that was semi-famous because she had a captive evening audience. That is what separated her from the others. Mind you, there were hotter women that were working out but they didn't have that pull. Her ass sagged more than you imagined, as the next thought goes to how her backside would look in a decade. The concern with long-term planning and her minor adult acne. Sometimes it's the details in the small moments that get you thinking.

Identity construction can best be explained through ambient internet activity. Standards or models of the building of your identity, the demonic or heroic modelling, giving you the criteria for evaluating good and evil. Implications for those most highly influenced or equally disparaged by an approval from an invisible god or the social networks (as reference groups) shape self-concept and the interaction with engaging rituals, real and imagined, yet socially ascertainable that rely on situations of perception. Yet without the potential for consequences or further interaction, when you believe you are acting autonomously you will act the most righteously. Short term dramatic events will bring about the mechanisms for sustaining identity changes, rites of passage, or other dramatic events of one's life cycle. The frequency of this activity is linked with identity alteration and a disentangling of one's pattern identity into the adoption of another. An anonymous comfort in the ambient voyeurism lends to higher turnover of life conversions, where there are more afforded options out of the current misery. In this is meaning and security, a shield against the past and security from the lucidity of these variations of believability.

To come off as believable and truthful you as an actor need both technique and talent. Furthermore, there are no opportunities to panic, even when all you feel is dread, you must find a way to enjoy the rush. Rules are made to be broken and therefore you must know them in order to break them. Your online depictions are an important part of who you are so embrace it, enjoy it, and relish in the attention. Most who want to be actors really just want to be celebrities. They are merely short-term poseurs in order to obtain the attention they need, resulting in them rarely being happy, and by continually feeding their narcissistic desires and the need for approval, they never find true joy. Real acting is vanity but there is soul presentation and in this a better relationship with one's self, creating characters based on honest human experiences. Technique may be your safety net but when you deepen your work through authentic purpose you eventually free yourself.

Performers offer themselves as commodities in order to nurture a devotional following online, engaging in methods of overt sexuality with an unmistakable reinforcement for the porno ideal. Mysterious locations as backdrops for high-end living, exposed breasts or thongs and other symbolism that can equate to currency based on levels of zero to ten within the fuckability scale. In this digital arena is the compounded messaging of flirtatious symbology in emojis and endearing captions, that of certain throttled innuendo consisting of playful signals to build personal brand loyalty and accrued anonymous fandom.

The following manifesto/suicide note was written by internet video star and subsequent YouTube campus shooter, Nasim Aghdam, an Iranian national. It was sent by email to info@youtube.com two hours prior to the shooting which ended with her own suicide.

Life in this society is an utter bore and no aspect of society is relevant to being offline, because online is where us thrill-seekers can possess the potential to overthrow government, eliminate the need for money, and institute complete automation. Our online personas are egocentric and incapable of empathizing with the offline, or, for that matter, anything biological or tender. Offline the responses are visceral not cerebral and intelligence is a tool, not something fragile. It's like being trapped in a twilight zone halfway between the earth and the stars. There is an array of negative feelings like hate, contempt, jealousy, shame, doubt, and disgust. There is no ego satisfaction. Being incomplete we seek out attempting to complete ourselves in the journey for calm, away from the ambient comfort of coolness and integrity, those traits of all things vital to our sanity. As if fulfillment only can come about through parenthood. And if there is penis envy then there is pussy envy. Malehood comes with a blaze of glory for mutilation or some sense of animalism, wanting to express oneself with the crux of a full and total physicality, complete egocentricity while hiding the self-hate through social codes and deflective behavior as a way to hide behind the device. In an overlaid redundancy to these stilted manners, we humans reason for our existence in the analog. A pre-automation attempt at everything before the surveillance and geo-tracking of your own personal homing unit. Leave the algorithms for the non-humans, those who cannot be bribed or coerced. In the non-relating presence of real life (RL) there is a delusion of usefulness where we justify our existence through busyness and other half-ass attempts at leisure. We crave meaningful activity, especially women, we want to experience being penetrated and not shunned or discarded because we are 2nd class citizens to the porn feeds. Outside of the ether it can be frustrating how people choose to go about their days, reading, breeding, playing with themselves, popping pills, raising kids, being absorbed by brainwashing techniques. Even if you were to assume that life online and life offline are somehow equal in tolerance and intolerance we must factor in the element of boredom and some kind of attainment for an internal equilibrium, that peaceful pull of our masterfulness over the manipulation. Can love substitute the feeling when you are connected to the interwebs? When I am incapable of enjoying the moment I find myself feeling those motherly instincts where I want to jump into the fray and offer up my services. Sometimes this provokes fantasies of giving sexual favors for those afflicted with the same issues as myself. A give and take loose bantering that can heal if even only on small levels. The opportunity given by mental illness and the free license to be humiliated within your own timidity, those low-grade levels of pandering for the delusion. Reflections on self that include enlightenment and guidance if only for the preservation of delusion. My own lifelong obsession manifested in my daddy issues, something of an old-fashioned longing for someone who I easily despised. My way of life may be disapproved by his opinion but I am famous now so my adoration comes from elsewhere. If I wanted daddy's approval I would need to respect him first. He is out there being aloof and distant, trying to stay mysterious and unknown in order to garner some sense of respect through fear. When our children all want to become our mothers. Little boys and their impulse for passivity struck down by the overbearing father who will have none of it. Respect and comply, become an American idol. Women are already too domestic, insecure, animalistic and disquieted approval-seekers. Too many go through life not fully responsive, flatlining as half-dead facsimiles of themselves. If you're going to be daddy's girl you have to regard him within the context of a background of fear. In this suppression of individuality there are conditioned reflexes rendering an incapacity for mentally-free responses. Your greatest want becomes that of needing to be guided, and admired by mommy and daddy. While you sort out the shuffle of your mother becoming a passive actor administrator to your father's physical contemplations with only a passing appreciative nod here and there. The transfixing stare of the father who has had his tits taken away by a nursing child, who now needs new stimuli to sustain anything more than a half-dead response to life. For the purpose of practical reasons the female is reduced to an animalistic figure, this can be seen over the last several decades in legacy advertisements and now in modern day porn, while men remain self-absorbed, unable to fully grasp their incapabilities. Yes they produce sperm but there is the anonymity of sperm banks. Without the function to explore and reinvent ourselves we lose track of the magic of the world, we become sullen prisoners of the ether, and stay safe within the sanity of attempted privacy. It's like the suburban housing tract of the mind, a desperate and insecure landscape of one-upping one another, any power move to destabilize the fragile egos of your neighbors. A rugged self-absorbed civilization of loneliness and isolation, for we are nothing more than islands in a sea of solitariness, and these are the so-called best days of our lives. We want to be individuals but it's more comfortable to conform, and to go about our lives without faith in our non-existent selves, under the rule of authorities like bosses, priests, community leaders. We may be able to empathize but we forgo that for the big empty. When the internet is the only device that quiets the internal noise. Without the passion or intent it's really like making porn: you're just fucking a stranger on film. For if our ultimate goal is heaven then we must fabricate some existential jumping off point. We need our scapegoats like we need our prestige. The ignorant class is high art, and an inability at rapport is regarded as emotional surrender, the logging out from the vested interest, to groove on in the social revolution. Daddy's girl as a term carries with it the label of man-admirer. Any dignity by the agents of God (father) will pander the free-wheeling and seldom intensity. In the hyper loop of friendship and love are the great arts, the daddy-knows-best ethos, and all else is shit. Appreciate the cultivation or GTFO. The sole diversion of our empire is the ambient pull of our resigned status quo. Beyond you being labeled a sex bag, or cum dumpster, a female body that can and will transcend the more difficult instances of mindless refuge. She was a nice girl, but behind the scenes a raving sexual lunatic. Sometimes it is all about what exists behind the curtains, before showtime. The automation market will replace much of what we have to relegate to now, and with the advent of new blueprints, millions will be able to surrender to the ghosts of their own shells, as we enter a new fantastical era of automation celebration. The elimination of intuition will be the forefront of the electric occupation, and we will further become the independent filmmakers of our lives and documentarians of our days, vicariously strutting around our wares, while painlessly being rushed closer to our doom, and without the handicaps of clinging to daddy we will struggle less with the subsequent watershed of this collective demise.

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Acting requires psychological involvement and in this symbiosis lies the important link which manifests in the crossover of training and research. It can reveal how easy the elements of good acting can arrive in the therapeutic toolbox, and the arrangement of better emotional management. When "aim" brings about the deliberate use of emotions and other unsolicited by-products of training or being able to manifest string emotions through identifying relevant stressors in the everyday. "Significance" when separating stage life from emotional life and being able to cut through that blurring world or the ability to highlight emotional safety within the confines of recommendations and the "impact" of contention from vicarious trauma and new protocols for emotional safety with any inconsistencies highlighting an impetus for change.

Given that half of American families are separated by divorce there should be no surprise in the correlating rise of drug abuse and narcissism. Kids seek out coping mechanisms when the parents leave. Pot is big and normalized and played down as being better than alcohol but lost in this argument is the mind-altering effect of it and the stunting of one's emotional development through extended usage. Narcissism arrives in the seeking out of attention, so the lost fourteen year old girl will try and get with a boy for that missing element of her armor and she will do whatever he wants sexually which may result in rough sex learned from porn and she could feel a new sense of transferred empowerment from the rush of pleasing a man other than her father. She will attain a new sense of worth, if even only in her mind, where she might see herself as a ten when she is really a four. She may be a white girl that tries out black boys, and in this her quotient goes from a four to eight (meanwhile, she still perceives herself as a ten). Because when you cross over the racial line you get to go in front of the black girls.

You banter with strangers and it usually begins with humor, as a sense of humor is a sign of intelligence, but then it turns to political, because that is all there is anymore, and in this is a throttled hesitation on how much to share. It becomes a slow dance that is quickly derailed when you test the waters by voicing your actual opinion. In these moments you wonder why you began talking to this person to begin with, and that you would rather spend your time doing anything but sliding into awkward situations of further alienation.

When we speak now it must be with new language, new terms for new things that we may not even know exist. Ideas that run counter to our conventional wisdom, against what we learned as children, even the truths that are self-evident. Did you just assume my gender? may come to mind. Or when holding the door open for a stranger and the patriarchal dominance that this chivalrous gesture could violently trigger. Asking someone how old their kid is, and having to craft a sentence that doesn't require pronouns, while using it may sound rude as this approach is the safest in its inclusive nature.

We tread through life with a heightened awareness of personal space and the potential of our words to trigger. Teenage kids may consensually hook up and weeks later be accused of rape and the subsequent trial breaks down the minutia of when did consent take place if at all, regardless of the fact that now the accused's life is ruined. The girl as well, as she will now be marked by society as someone with a capacity for deviant deceit, an acute ability for accusation that can stay with her well into the corporate world. This is why many men will not hire women now. And if they work with them they do what they can to avoid being assigned projects with them or any other opportunity to be alone in a room. Casual hugs or kisses on the cheek are gone and not believing all women all the time is considered misogynistic. It could be argued that there are no winners in this equation. The women don't get promoted as they don't have access to the men that can help them, so they go about their business with an air of threat. There are men who will never be alone with a woman unless his wife is present. Some will mock this practice as irrational but he can never be accused of wrongdoing. It's like the male OBGYN who has a nurse with him in the room during exams. It is all about accountability based on actual recorded events.

Human sexuality within the internet age has resulted in a pornification of the American mind from attempts by regular people to become famous, either within their small networks or the confines of their minds, through the production of their own sex tapes. Sharing private sexual experiences by ordinary people is the only hope for many in the pursuit of celebrity status, which may merely include a heightened notoriety within one's own small clique. Those who engage in cybersex culture are satisfying their own exhibitionist desires while supplicating a longing for virtual voyeurism. What comes to be lost in the process of representing the sexualized self under a societal gaze is the authenticity of the female body and her performance. Certain aspects of the production, how the camera frames the scene, and a direction at the pleasuring of the male performer (if no male then the gaze into the camera), for you the audience. What lacks from reality is the full representation of the female's sexual experience, and beyond its objectification the sideline of the spectator, and a void of authenticity in the subjugation.

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As modern culture emerged in the West through the advent of the internet, profound changes were afoot. There had never been such pervasiveness in all spheres of our lives. Impulses were pushed forward with an all-embracing canopy of eagerness. The pluralism of the internet world and reality created contradictory compulsions which limited our ability at control. New forms of identity took shape, competing tendencies for newfound tension that arose from the shared vulnerability to the machine and its reach. Even as people talked of ethics a wall of separation was built between the generations as the analog world slowly, and quietly, ceased to exist. There was new scale and scope to the process of life. Cultures collided in the forming of new sub-groups and genres, much without the scrutiny of real life interaction. There was crisis in the wake of much of this new society and the transformations that followed. Outcomes were unknown but syncretistic in bringing lost tribes together. In this was a legitimation of antimodernist effect resulting in possible negative implications going overlooked.

American rape culture although wrong on many levels is overtly hyped by the media. Rape is rare but reported on ad naseum. The real crisis is happening in Sweden, where the majority of teen girls are being raped by Arab mobs. Nobody is talking about this because of politically-correct culture. The only response is a creeping nationalistic political movement that wants to limit the unfettered immigration policies and begin enforcing laws. There are even fringe outlier players who would like to take things into their own hands, the vigilante types. In some ways it is an early stage crusade, but without all the pomp and circumstance of big swords and horses.

Post trauma experience grows out of the lack of resolution for normal coping mechanisms when confronted with abnormal levels of stress. Overwhelmed, the go-to defense is distraction. A digital pendulum of easy watching entertainment to hardcore porn is the perfected modern diversion experience. It voids out intrusive thinking and any pangs of guilt. Wounds become alienated in the attempted catharsis and the mourning is stricken away from anything intolerable while authentic healing remains unabated, because even small steps take you backward.

Nobody that asks How are you doing is really wanting an answer, it has simply become a phrase for when you greet someone. If you pay attention to the one that is asked s/he replies with another How are you without answering the initial question of their condition. The lack of authenticity is a reply in itself.

Within current boy culture is a stigmatizing of toxic masculinity and other boyhood afflictions like autism, gaming culture, violence and porn. It's as if these kids are all potential school shooters ready to go off at any moment. Attention spans depleted by years of chasing the dragon in the form of dopamine hits from a game console, then the varying levels of porn addiction. Their inability for intimacy and that misdirected anger for their mothers and fathers projected onto outsider and fringe culture, like goth or other loner aesthetics that signal leave me the fuck alone. It isn't until they act upon the lone wolf attack that the signs appear, and the kids that knew them at school recall episodes that in retrospect were nothing more than cries for help. At least he is at peace now, but why did he have to take so many with him? The questions remain and the parents of the killer even though they loved him and knew he was damaged are quietly comforted with knowing he is gone and no longer a threat. Secretly the parents are surprised that he didn't kill them first before the rampage, while publicly admonishing their "troubled," yet "sweet darling" son.

Western culture has been trivialized, pulped and blended into a spread of nothingness with the remaining tenet a belief in individualism and sovereignty of private property. Ethnic autonomy is something bygone with the private push for migration while churches remain empty as shopping centers overflow. Wealth generation is downplayed and quietly dismantled. Nothing remains to conserve, and talk of race is forbidden. Your fate has been to not be anything extraordinary but at the same time it has not been your destiny to be less than ordinary. You can exist within a well-executed life living under the radar, low grade consuming and with an ability to pay bills. Any fears growing up of ending up homeless now gone with the realization that being homeless is not about being without a home, it's not the forgone Dust Bowl era of extreme poverty and a lack of housing or jobs, when entire families would live in abandoned boxcar trains, or the modern version of a family of five plus a dog living in a minivan parked at Walmart. It's not about hard times, but about mental illness and addiction. Forgotten people that exist among us in the visual realm but not the contributor realm, on nobody's payroll, no fixed income, simply a human blight for those who cross their path. Lost from their families, with many believed to be long dead. In the frail state of semi-living nobody misses them. If a sense of vigilante responsibility should become you, within those varying degrees of what you can contribute to the situation, you will take the wheel when you are to truly seek out the solution to the problem.

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Coded language exists for when you may want to be intimate but not sexual, you may say "let's cuddle" even though your partner may want sex. Within the cuddling is a nurturing exchange of sensations free of worry for performance or unexpected advancements in pleasure seeking. She may not know when you act upon the impulse and this is part of the thrill factor, as you don't always need to have sex. This intimacy doesn't require contact. It can evolve and grow organically through a shared interest in going to the gym, or a like-minded political leaning. It may involve an email that never is replied to, or dreams that you both dreamt on the same night but across town from one another. It's about being real with one another while dropping the facade and living a less guarded life.

Much of the actor's energy is devoted to trying not to reveal too strongly how he/she feels. A suppression of emotional display is needed to avoid coming off foolishly to the audience. It may contain the whimsical aspect of spontaneity but this throttled approach presents that you have something hidden just under the surface, and your viewers will find this more interesting than say overt attempts at crying. Planting the circumstances of your character's struggle is more effective in conveying the phenomenon of your truthful struggle. And finally, observe your symptoms. How your voice resonates from the back of your throat, the odd pausing in your speech, even the small spasmodic movements of your fingers. Acting significantly and deliberately rarely goes unnoticed by an adoring crowd.

83. Some people partly satisfy their need for power by identifying themselves with a powerful organization or mass movement. An individual lacking goals or power joins a movement or an organization, adopts its goals as his own, then works toward these goals. When some of the goals are attained, the individual, even though his personal efforts have played only an insignificant part in the attainment of the goals, feels (through his identification of the movement or organization) as if he had gone through the power process. This phenomenon was effectively exploited by the fascists, nazis and communists. (T. Kaczynski, 1995)

You think about your early years, and the girls you had sex with. That variety of woman in varying shades of white. Nothing indexed in a spank bank, simply pleasant thinking of a bygone time, and in these memories the elevated experience, when you deliberately recall what took place as being much better than what really did occur. And the ideas that if you had stuck to whatever it was that you were doing that you would somehow be a success at it now, but with each reset of life you slightly degrade your potential by starting over again. Then a sublime abandonment to these ruminations as nothing that never happened to you would have taken you to this moment now and the creation of your two daughters. Millions of moves, decisions, missteps, and fate led to this now and to imagine some alternate closing chapters of life would be most regrettable.

Maybe I just want to breathe maybe I just don't believe, maybe you're the same as me, we see things they'll never see, you and I we're gonna live forever...Oasis

We kill ourselves for recognition. For the likes and the re-shares, and for the glory of another ambient nod from the masses. We find acceptance in the grouplike, that collective soothing space of recognition by strangers that you are impressive if even only for that moment's spark. Your life in its entirety not a factor in the quick slices and greatest hits, or highlight reels because this is the best that you've got. Go figure this is what they wanted. Go figure that they missed you so much. Go figure that they don't see you how you see yourself, without that dusting of dysmorphia, but with the filter of your device. A smoother version of you, because your life is more effortless than theirs.

Identity disturbances in erotomanic individuals is manifested in how attached they become to their love objects. The deep yearning for affection can expand to a desire to destroy them out of frustration. It may seem as a contradictory self-concept, the lover destroyer, but it is rooted in a weak and splitting identity makeup, which can segue to violence for the sake of fame or notoriety. It is as if their love object becomes a mere tool for their own grandiosity building. There is the belief in extrasensory communications, as well as visions that include mistaken identity (known as Capgras syndrome), even the dissociation from their own bodies, known as autoscopy. The entire experience of splitting begins with the love object being idealized, but then slowly devalued through a concurrent hatred and sense of simmering rage. In this split-off state, portions of the stalker's narcissism and sense of grandiosity are imposed into the victim's self. Often in the final stage of violence, there is an attempt at wounding the love object so that they too can experience the pain that their behavior had caused.

Conflict is inevitable and resolution is better than further aggravation, in this there are three keys to effective agreement: express your feelings; identify your needs; and negotiate a resolution. Survivors of dysfunctional homes will not understand the process as their past accustomed them to shout downs or physical abuse. This leaves the underlying issues to fester in feeble minds for decades and results in damaged senior citizens who claim to not be responsible for their own feelings.

In the apparent breakdown of conventional codification is the contemporary preoccupation with sexual identity and a public shifting toward a more permissive attitude, be it with the proliferation of new sexual experiences (analingus, sex with robots) or the growing fondness for controversy and scandal (hyped media distraction techniques). From intimacy to sexual panic, that energy around all things sexual, flows globally embedded in technology and delivered in a constant rhythmic beat via ethno- and mediascapes, bridging a false digital intimacy between the disconnected and disjointed, with an emphasis on those left behind in the analog.

The divide portrayed by the media in American politics is one of whites versus all others, whether black, brown or random minorities. A stigmatization exists for being white and a glorification for anyone of color. If you are white you will be accused of appropriation at some point. The white kids who act black, the so-called wiggers. Or the caucasian girls who wear ceremonial Native American garb to music festivals. There are white people who identify as black but there are not blacks who identify as white, even though, one could argue, this makes more sense. There is jungle fever and there is yellow fever. In the instance of media portrayal there is the whitewashing of the non-whites who agree with whites on things like border enforcement and abortion, but you will never see this because it goes against the narrative. If people of color do get noticed for backing what is considered a white cause they are quickly dismissed as being insane or unhinged, even misguided and uneducated.

Paranoid people never laugh, at least authentically. There may be a small show put on for their audience but genuine amusement requires a degree of abandonment and playfulness that has, in those affected by this illness, disappeared as a result of a narrowed focus on who or what is conspiring against them now. This may result in a self-absorption that does not allow for the mind to wander, further bringing upon a hyper self-consciousness that limits one's attempt at obtaining wholeness by not letting the patient get outside themselves

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Even though the series of poisonings took the lives of seven people, no suspect was ever charged or convicted for the Chicago Tylenol murders of 1982. The incidents were deemed to be an extortion attempt against Johnson & Johnson, a blackmailing via mail with a letter demanding one million dollars in order to stop lacing capsules with potassium cyanide. Warnings were transmitted to the public via news outlets and police patrols using loudspeakers to discontinue using Tylenol products. James William Lewis was arrested for sending the extortion letters. He was identified via fingerprints on an envelope he used. He lived in New York and was cleared of the tampering as it was localized to Chicago. In its wake were hundreds of copycat attacks, even hoaxes in order to deviantly cause stock prices to drop for companies like Proctor & Gamble. To this day is a theory that the Unabomber, Ted Kaczynski, was the original Tylenol murderer. His first four Unabomber crimes took place in Chicago from 1978 to 1980, where his parents lived and he visited often. FBI requests for his DNA are still being challenged in court.

You learned through google how to make fatal chicken meatballs. Something you could hand out in homeless food lines if you were so inclined. The smell of chicken masks the odor of the boric acid (laundry detergent) that you mix with chicken broth before it is integrated into the meat which has been marinated overnight in ionic poison (carpet cleaner). Consuming the balls will not necessarily kill at first dosing, unless the victim is already so frail their liver gives out, as it is designed for a longer and sustained administration while going undetected.

When a mom comes up to you at the playground to engage in conversation there is an undeniable first thought that she is wanting to hook up. Why else would she approach you? Then there is a quick appraisal of her general condition, rings, tattoos, health levels based on the condition of her skin, general fitness based on her thighs and the tone or lack thereof of upper arms. All of this takes place in a few seconds. Small banter about kids turns to where they live and if they have a spare wipe to borrow. Not much comes of it but a mental note to the time and day of the week for a possible re-visit. When there is a spark of interest, maybe her heightened femininity, or a loose ass in yoga pants, there then is the grounding thought that some guy out there, either her husband or ex-husband, is not interested in her anymore and is emotionally and physically exhausted by her. It's almost as if when you buy a gently used luxury vehicle, it is one man's discarded dream but now all yours and since it is new to you there is prideful enjoyment.

Some nights turn bad after starting off well and with the best intentions. Perhaps a quick derailment from a nicely synced-up energy between you that typically ends with floor sex. But there was nothing you could do this night to keep from setting one another off. Some old stuff surfaces, maybe lingering jealousy or a low-grade rage for the way she leaves cabinet doors open. This is when you usually go for a drive. It's not so much a cut and run event, rather it's you consciously taking yourself out of the equation and into something new.

There is a porno element to how men think, that adult film intro plotline involving any woman that you meet possibly succumbing to her heightened horniness and wanting to hook up with you, a stranger, right then and there. It could be the realtor showing you the townhouse, with staged furniture as props for your lovemaking, or the uber driver who appears hot on the app and in person is even cuter because of her voice and your fantasy that involves saving her from having to resort to ride share driving, ending with her coming into your apartment for a wild hook up.

American mondo horror film, Faces of Death, released in 1978, guided the viewer through graphic scenes of ways to die from violent acts. As a kid you believed it was a documentary, and that its violence was authentic. Folklore had it banned in 40 countries, but the truth was it was never banned. Some scenes were obvious fakes but many did appear authentic. It was hard to discern when rushing through fast forwards and rewinds on the VCR machine with an urgent nervousness of having the video in your possession. It was YouTube before YouTube. An experiment that has outlived its special effects, it remains compelling within its groundbreaking perspective.

Self-identified false victims will acknowledge their crimes after the initial rush of discussing with the authorities the crimes perpetrated upon them. There are four components to the false victim syndrome typology. 1, Hysterical Paralysis, entailing the paralysis of limbs, symptomatic of internal phenomena, and excused off as emotional stress from having to endure uncomfortable future events. 2, Munchausen by Proxy, medical complaints without known physical cause, deployed on health care providers for attention from family members, and when the initial concern begins to wane, the uplift of the medical mystery element. 3, Known Perpetrator, when there has been a prior relationship but much of the perpetrator's activity has been without a third party witness, with initial noncriminal contact escalating to that of a criminal nature, and ideas for stalking are acquired through pop culture. 4, Unknown Perpetrator, the suspect is indeterminable and critical events rapidly progress in their criminality, involving aggressive harassment, with rape kits deployed in order to substantiate the claims.

UNINCORPORATED PART OF TOWN--Neighbors say a man was found dead in a car parked at the end of a Tortilla Flats cul-de-sac on June 12. Authorities believe the victim, Raymundo Arias, a line cook at Denny's, committed suicide but this cannot be confirmed as a forensics report will not be released for weeks. This was the city's sixth fatal shooting in less than a year.

You were raised in a culture that signaled women didn't have the libido of men. There was the stereotypical housewife complaining of headaches before bed, turning a cold shoulder to the ever-horny husband. And the furthering mystery of the female orgasm and how nobody could find the G-spot let alone the clitoris, this supposed mythical knob that consists of thousands of nerve endings. With age you learned that women did have their own sense for sexual drive and that there were even those who wanted it more frequently than their male counterparts. In some ways this was earth shattering news as it totally upended your childhood narrative. It had you relook at the women in your life from the past, the co-worker or the friend of your cousin, the younger school teacher, all of these bit players in your history that may have been lost opportunities for random sex. It certainly brought an authenticity to porn in that the women actors were perhaps more into it than the men, even if their orgasms were invisible compared to the money shot that was required to end the scene (and for the actors to be paid). Even squirting has seen its heyday and is now debunked as nothing more than aggressive peeing.

Women become more attractive when pregnant, in the fullness of their bodies, that enhanced quality to all of their curves and assets, primarily bigger tits and a rounder ass with the expansion of their hip displacement. Furthering the thrill is the visible result of a sex act, perhaps something isolated or planned, even timed perfectly during an ovulation event. It is always better when you see a pregnant woman without her partner in the picture, as that association can ruin it. It takes away from the mystery but more than often it is downletting as the guy is nowhere near the quotient of his expecting better half. Women radiate in these times as they glow in the churning for the delivery of the life they have recently created.

A continuous state of self-consciousness with any number of shame-based identity traits can come about from feelings of being unworthy and improper, or other marked emotions of being disgraceful at your very core. It manifests from being raised in a dysfunctional household that may have involved incest, abuse, alcohol, or other issues of significance. Resulting behavior--later in life after leaving this environment--involves self-destruction or performing within self-limits. There may be anti-social behavior and sex addiction, and you may feel guilty and even embarrassed. You may constantly feel like you have been caught doing something you were not supposed to be doing. The pain is deep and your sense of personal inadequacy supersedes all other types of neurosis.

For all those years that you were not present for your own life, not only were you checked out but you were ill-equipped for the events that tend to bring with them a learning moment. Instead you would panic, but ever so gently and quietly, and allow for the steamrolling without a response or quiver of terror. When you came out of the fog, in your mid-thirties, the first thing you did was group counseling. Large groups of men that met on Tuesday nights, letting you know that you were not alone, that the delayed emotional development was common, and that arrested development usually came from alcoholic parents, or parents who were children of alcoholics. Sometimes the trauma would jump a generation. And in these meetings you saw how damaged men could be at any age with a consistency of uncomfortable mother relationships.

Screen time has the potential to open the doors to your higher self, and when this occurs you may not like what you see. The first experiences may be beautiful but then there is an invalidation of any wonderful experiences as you are no longer comfortable with that clarity of vision. Any psychic energy is redirected to the fantasyland and you are left with spun-off thoughts and too fatigued to redirect your energy. Necessary changes go unheeded as you slip from your higher being until the next digital event.

There was minimal thought from eighteen to thirty six of having children then a paternal instinct settled in and parenthood made total sense. Perhaps because you had such a great father you felt a hint of obligation for the betterment of society to take a whack at contributing yourself. This synced up with your much younger wife (by eleven years) and her ticking biology.

You were nothing more than imprisoned for nearly a decade of your life within the confines of a job with bosses in over their heads and you grinding out for nothing. That constant drain of checking emails and a steadfast low-grade anxiety leaving you in a mindful state of defense, always awaiting something that rarely came to be. This invisible cage for a twice monthly check with no alternatives so thoughts never went elsewhere.

The Gen X person would say something like "I like myself and who I am without being affected by others" while the Millennial may say "Any good feelings about who I am stem from being liked by you." The Gen X person would say "I generate my own self esteem," while the Millennial may say "How I feel depends on your approval." Gen X person "I seek out pleasure as long as nobody is hurt in the process" versus the Millennial "My attention is focused on gaining your praise."

Binary contrasts of combination and substitution bring about new complexities into account for symbolic language or the meaningful fiction of your life's portrayal. Metaphor can be sustained as the paradigmatic perception of you as online royalty or some other contiguity that can best be represented through the throttled ambient noise.

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Truth be told you never had a plan for what you wanted in life. Perhaps all you were after was a sense of calm which seemed unattainable in the fog of your own mental deficiencies. When people talk about living their lives to the fullest and if fullest is a 10 then you were at a 2 on the better days. Really just a ghost of yourself within a shell that protected you from too much interaction with the outside world. You simply withdrew, you didn't know what joy was, being happy was a front, a mask you wore around strangers with the sometimes manic chatter of someone who could be perceived as going places. You were dead inside and you accepted it. There was comfort in knowing how little you were going to feel throughout the day. It wasn't for lack of preparation but rather lack of knowledge of trauma and brainwashing. That sometimes those who are supposed to love you more than anyone else may be doing the dirty work of keeping you down, regulating how much you can feel based on the limitations of their own feelings.

Now you embrace your appearance and how you are as a man and father, husband and friend. There is no arrogance in how you see yourself, simply an acceptance through a heightened awareness of middle-age body dysmorphia and that life never really got to you: infrequent addictions were able to be turned back, your linear aging path was slowed and your masculine jawline was able to emerge through a conscious effort at weight loss. Comparing yourself to others, you tend to compare up rather than compare down as it's more of a challenge that way.

You have saved small mementos over the years, little trinkets from trips or photo albums of when you were a late teen into twenties, pictures taken of you in Europe and north Africa. When you come across these you ask yourself if they spark joy and if they do not you dispose of them. There is a fleeting thought to your children perhaps lionizing a picture of you wearing a denim shirt standing in front of a kasbah in Morocco but then you think that was not the man they knew. Remembrances are those short-term memories that when we sleep we sort under long-term memories if it was significant enough for the task. When we have run out of bandwidth we push the old memories out, especially the ones we never access. This way we maintain a clean hard drive. Mostly memories are of the recent past, as not much is retrievable before that, while anything traumatizing like the slow death of your father is blacked out.

Silicon Valley kingmakers do it for the money. The aim is to monetize the aided conveyance of beautiful people who live worry-free shiny lives and getting the masses to fall for it. Whatever it takes to get high viewer numbers. Kids give in because it's what they grew up with, it's all they know, and in this succumbing they believe their own non-hype, as if they take on the role of reality star actor, in the form of a composite personality of those they follow online. As if the cameras are following them too. Phone calls on speaker phone so the microphones can pick up the audio. The fifty yard gaze toward invisible paparazzi and small inflections in their slight movements, whilst basking in some ambient glory void of anything authentic and null of intent.

Pop psychology tells us to live our best lives. Yet a danger lurks in such loose licensing for a lifestyle further requiring a selfish and neglectful existence as your capacities may end abruptly before the expectations you have set based on a false sense of heightened living inspired by a mediated presentation of what is deemed to be the good life. Resulting in a ghetto fabulous or cringe-worthy manic piece of performance art where you go about your life within a cloud of misrepresentations while those around you are in on the joke for which you are oblivious. This concept becomes weaponized when stars like Lady Gaga win an award and in her acceptance speech runs off a monologue meant to inspire by saying that you can do this too, you just need to dream and never give up without consideration that most are talentless and lack drive.

Impacts of online visual representations of scopophilia lead to identification issues like narcissism through codes of spectatorship, positioning you as consumer of the disinformation while reassessing theories void of historical reference, meanwhile promoting some kind of contemporary new person, that physically attractive worry-free life hack guru type, while you are further pulled under the spell to be more like that ideal, regardless of the growing distance from this fantasy. The same goes for the perpetuation of lies on display from the plastic surgery afforded the wealthy while everyone else is left to swim in kiddy pools of rising body dysmorphia.

Your musings can be brushed off as complaining about old problems, and complaints without solutions, wasting time in trying to decipher any points to begin with, while the reasoning is commensurate with the idea in writing that one need to show and not tell. There comes the difficult task of conveying a message ever so cleverly, leaving the reader wondering what it is that they just read and wowed by the sequencing of a sentence or the use of a certain word here or there. It's more difficult than you superficially see and this is why there is jumbled writing known as word salad and other prose that come off as more effortless.

Exploring your privileges, that you are white and a male, must be tempered with the idea that you did not choose to be born either one of these so you cannot claim victimhood status and therefore cannot beat yourself up about it. You can search out what you have benefited but you cannot touch upon why because you know that this life came to you, you didn't come after it. Is it easier for you to get loans, or to walk into a clothing store and not catch the eye of undercover loss prevention folks? Sure. But when we talk about reproduction and as a male never having to endure pregnancy and childbirth there is a small amount of loss in the idea that you cannot experience the making of a child, that you are sidelined to hunter-gatherer tasks and disadvantaged by your maleness.

A measured fear of foreigners should not be alarming as it can be seen as being tentative about the unknown, those folks who don't look like you, darker skin tones, ceremonial garb, foreign body odors from exotic diets. It's okay to sound the internal alarms for the lack of certitude with strangers. In America we are allowed to dream big dreams and told to welcome the outsiders arriving at our shores, to allow them into the fold of American ideals. For this harmony there needs to be better assimilation.

A certain radicalization of Western men is inevitable. More are turning to reformist notions and methods to combat the social and moral decay of their nations and the ethnic replacement of their people. These are not brainwashed men or misled by corruption, rather they are removing the blindfolds, allowing to see the reality of the world. The West killed the notion of god and replaced it with the individual, leaving society without vision or a future. Now there is worship to the cult of the individual and a push to accept the disenfranchised and the impoverishment as a new truth to the myriad of problems. A suicidal death culture of yesterday's heroes and stars, the likes of Michael Jackson with his pedophile ways and fatal drug addiction, or Madonna, a degenerate whore figure. Kurt Cobain, an anti-social self-hating suicidal junky, or Freddie Mercury, a sexual hedonist with a lifelong identity crisis. Fallen figures for inspiration, those contributors to the atrophy and waning worship strength, leading to an isolation in the radicalization, breaking us with a flourishing internet ablaze with shattered dreams and beliefs never publicly spoken.

The first documented bioterror event in the United States was when an Oregon cult infected local residents with salmonella on election day in an attempt to affect local election results. A female cult member contaminated ten different salad bars around the town of Dalles, Oregon, with S. Typhimurium, using a bag of brown liquid. She would quickly and discreetly hover over the salad bar and squirt the solution into the pico de gallo bucket, adding some to any adjacent salad dressing, then place the bag back under her oversized coat before she walked to the exit and the cult's getaway car. 751 people fell ill and 45 were hospitalized. Nobody died. But had they used Salmonella typhi, or typhoid fever, the body count would have been several dozen. Initial blame for the outbreak was on poor hygiene, but a subsequent unrelated raid on the cult's compound discovered a bioweapons lab. The authorities were able to make the connection and arrest those behind, to date, the largest bioterror attack in US history.

IV.

ROLE CONFUSION

VERSUS

AUTHENTICITY

When the physiological revolution within comes to an end, the tail consummation of puberty and full development of sex parts, along with a new maturity for desire, arrives the seeking out and latching onto of new guardians for an idealized final identity. Something based on how you may sway with your own inherent instincts mutated with inspirations from new idols. Some call this ego identity. Regardless of the label it is the culmination of our collective childhood identifications. A composite character study of you from age zero to now. Integral to this persona is the vicissitude of the libido and the accrued inferiority complex, or inversely the confidence from a feeling of continuity amid the evidence that your actions have tangible outcomes. Within this realm of new behavior is the threat of role confusion. You might be getting attention from the wrong crowd, there might be a crossover confusion to your intent, and a certain exposure to danger in this new vulnerability. Someone you know may be secretly gay but they are receiving signals from you that they misread. Someone in your life that you trusted, someone much older, has maligned their intentions for an impossible outcome with you. It may be a teacher, a family member, or other authority figure. This leaves you over identifying, playing up your charms with new intent, or hyping a different avenue of flirtatious behavior that will guarantee results. Often this can be brushed off as immaturity, but in reality it is nothing more than the adolescent mind going through a most ideological stage, along with an eagerness for affirmation from peers and/or lovers, because any kind of affirmation for this newly discovered aristocratic behavior exists within the predestined ideologies that lay the foundation for an internal revolution.

When you followed her from the gym to her apartment building you were on foot. She walks faster than one would expect for someone who is five feet one. Then again, she has a shortened torso, so her legs may be as long as someone five foot six or seven. This detail might paint a picture of someone with early stage spina bifida, but it's not like that. Her ass is the equalizer in the body equation. You noted in your phone her building number as she walked in while you stopped some distance behind.

Banter about others having baggage is nothing more than euphemistic language to mask larger underlying issues that pervade one's existence and are the fuel to the fire of their dysfunction. On the surface it's easier to hide behind the badge of honor of being the life of the party, the girl with the manic laugh, appearing to have it all figured out but deep down in her moments of coming down she is lonely and empty, her feelings rooted in undiagnosed bipolar disorder or something more along borderline. Whatever it is it keeps her from being fulfilled, which in her case would be having her own small nuclear family. Children to keep her busy and a husband that is her rock. It might be an unvisited mistrust of men after various childhood sexual incidents, but nothing that couldn't be unpacked with therapy. You are the bird and the cage at the same time.

Wildness comes to mind when you push through your mundane existence of having small children and the limited activities presented by such obligations, not that the enslaving obligations are a bad thing, as we can still fantasize about a feral outcome to a less bland lifestyle. Some version more throttled than the fully played out abandon of the homeless. Those daring people who took their lives to the street, who do not think twice about what they ingest. That urban and analog wilderness. For you a more internalized and fantasized version, something safer that you can depart from at your choosing.

The four most widely accepted types of stalker typology are based on the following underlying motives, yet specific actors may not fit perfectly into the confines of a single category, but instead may exhibit overflowing qualities:

The love obsessional: the stalker is unknown to the victim or if s/he is it is a casual acquaintance. The stalker undertakes activity that will make the victim aware of their existence. This is most common in celebrity stalking but is prevalent with average citizens as well.

The simple obsessional: the most common type of stalker who is typically male and is focused in on a former boss, ex-lover or spouse. The stalking begins before the break up. There is a lingering feeling in the stalker that the victim has mistreated them and now in the fog of anger there is an aggressive attempt at revenge.

False victim syndrome: the stalker takes on the role of victim and creates elaborate and detailed tales of their own victimhood in a sort of justification for their own stalking activity. This is the rarest form but potentially the most dangerous.

Erotomania: the stalker incorrectly believes the victim is in love with s/him and that some invisible interference is all that keeps them from being together. As the perceived love grows so does the risk to those who may appear to be in the way.

The morning after recon runs for Eileen leave you with a bitter taste, like what you are doing is wrong but since there are no victims a settling negation sets in, with your acts relegated to a new justification in your mind that it's an utter waste of time, or there is potential that it will be for good when you finally consummate a modern day relationship with her be it a casual one-off physical hook up or something significantly more meaningful and longer term, with widespread ramifications and fallout.

When you reach peak manic mode you don't care if there are casualties or that you may end up in a hospital's ER, as nothing else matters but the flush of the sputtered chemical release.

Rehearsed futures is when the actor thinks out a moment of a point in time when life comes together, or even falls apart. The best case scenario, or worst case scenario, and the wildest possible outcome, as our reptilian brains will have us know that present circumstances always change. Rehearsing the future is a way for the actor to hold onto sanity and possibly avoid misfortune. In these exercises the future can be fully fantasized, while taking time to develop the character is key to the energy levels of your performance. Knowing your character is knowing the dimensions of your perspectives and levels of confidence, resulting in a performance bubbling with anticipation.

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You find solace when you recall your father on his deathbed and you there sitting next to him with shaving cream and a coffee cup full of warm water, and a disposable razor and when you would shave his face the smoothness of his aged skin, and the smell of coffee from his breath, and the up close perspective of his nose and ear hair, nothing too severe but something you projected upon yourself into a future version, and in these moments when you would delicately shave away his grey whiskers how he would say things like you are my hero and you would feel proud even if it was the morphine talking.

Your mother projects a jovial facade of the charming lady who makes you feel special because she asks you about yourself. It is a diversion from what is going on inside, deep insecurities and the scarcity element in everything she does, as a result of alcoholic parents that made her and her siblings suffer through neglect of things like food, love and affection. She never sought out help and carried an arrested development into her seventies. It got to a point that she exclusively spoke ill of others. It seemed there were other elements of old age affecting her brain, but for certain nobody could bring it up with her because she was too difficult to talk to.

Part of the brain fog--chemicals integrated into our water supply or delivered via chemtrails--is that droned out low-verve processing, where you can lock eyes onto a screen and scroll for hours mindlessly chasing small dopamine hits, connecting the dots of passing occurences in the news, rabbit hole visits to clickbait sites that grabbed your attention with a picture of a large-chested woman or a headline that reads "you won't believe how they look twenty years later," as it is meant for dumbed-down minds you slide into it for a moment but pull yourself from it when you know you still have enough mental firepower to function above the surface. This is what they want of us, to succumb and play along.

America's MILF fetish has redefined mothers by giving some swagger back to her knowing that huge groups of men exist which do indeed find her attractive and that some of her physical attributes are in demand, those mature features, even the altered bodies of tummy tucks or breast lifts on already naturally large breasts. A disconnect that exists is the increasingly younger MILF types portrayed in the adult film world, girls who are late twenties being aged out of the big starlet work into playing moms and step-moms of girls who are 18 or 19, while hooking up with younger guys (part of the thrill) who are played by actors of the same age, if not older. For these fantasies to work some suspension of belief is a must.

The word "I" is used as signifying language, yet dissolves into fiction as its use, not its meaning, generates nothing more than metaphor. Personal thought evades the subject's reasons for using "I" as it is to communicate private ruminations. There is a consistency of discarding historical motivations, marking the witnessing of another heyday and the overlapping of "post-" thoughts of semiological analysis. Radical notions that penetrate reality and fold into some total semblance of your use of "I" as an inverted declaration.

There are currencies of power that fall under an emotional regime of representation, consisting of constituted power, symbolic power, and ritualized expulsion. It isn't solely about physical coercion but the coercion to represent things in a certain way. It begins with stereotyping and ends with fear. Perhaps the hesitation in trusting someone outside of your tribe, or the missed out connection with those who do not look like you. Western hegemony has successfully managed mankind's role within the universe so why lose faith in the process now?

Faced with your own dustings of body dysmorphia you do a thing you had read about in an internet chat group, an exercise that helps with body acceptance, of you coming to terms that this body of yours is not up for trade, and the quicker you accept your appearance the sooner your mind can be quieted. Nothing more than standing nude in front of a full length mirror and looking at each facet of your body, starting with your feet and working up to the hair on your head. The idea is that along the way you will find something nice, even if it's your undamaged knee caps. The talk in the chat room suggests that women go to the extent of turning around and bending forward and spreading their ass cheeks apart and beholding their most intimate of areas. If you are on a diet or working out this helps with noting progress or pushing new inspiration into your drive for results. As a middle-aged man, the last thing you want to do is look at yourself, this is why you shave in the shower, tracing the curves of your face without reflection. And your manscape regimen is consistent, not so much out of OCD but because it feels good to be smooth. You are sure this will stop at some point when you are older and no longer sexually active but for now it works with your schedule.

119. The system does not and cannot exist to satisfy human needs. Instead, it is human behavior that has to be modified to fit the needs of the system. This has nothing to do with the political or social ideology that may pretend to guide the technological system. It is not the fault of capitalism and it is not the fault of socialism. It is the fault of technology, because the system is guided not by ideology but by technical necessity. It is the needs of the system that are paramount, not those of the human being. But the system must exert constant pressure, so everyone inundates us with a mass of propaganda. (T. Kaczynski, 1995)

You created fake accounts so frequently that you had to keep a hard copy sheet of notes with names and emails and passwords. It was more work than one would imagine, but necessary to have burner profiles at your disposal for the right moments, and the freedom to ghost if anyone caught on. The palette of personae consisted of hot chicks to plain ones then of course good-looking guys and unassuming ones. Hot chick profiles got the most action, usually inboxes full of unsolicited dick pics and requests from ethnic guys for nudes. Messages like "wanna fuck me baby" or "your pussy tight my dick so wet baby" had you wondering if some of these were not bots, created in troll farms of Eastern Europe, with the large scale fake profiles for the purpose of selling followers or pushing out propaganda to sway elections.

A single off-putting thing can happen and it will throw off any sense of harmony in your mind, whether a disturbing story of an illegal who killed an elderly lady, beating her to death with her own cane, or while out for a walk coming upon a homeless whose pants are sagging and in this reveal a backside of open sores. In these moments you play mental tricks to push the disgust away with thoughts of slow motion montages of your daughter laughing on a swing, or the image of a beautiful woman's backside, with your eyes closed and your face taking in the bright sun. Or a long and drawn out hug that releases oxytocin. It's all about deflecting the bad imagery so that it doesn't take in your mind and become somehow embedded in long-term memory triggers.

In the onset of tremors and profuse sweating the effects can be likened to dosing ecstasy. Then the sensory changes in the vibration of objects and blurred vision. Gliding into the loss of meta-thinking and an extreme elation while the blankness of mind has you thinking you have entered overdose terrain. Yet you may remain shameful enough to not call 911. Contrasts in the passage of time and confusion to your whereabouts, in this state you find safety in remaining online, connected with the digital realm and away from the analog.

With age comes an awareness that evil and sinister forces are at play, requiring a deliberate offset through good. A certain pronounced quality of the young is the absence of evil in their calculations, the going about of life without a cautious foresight to the evil at play. This could be overt like the terrorists that are out to kill you or the socialist politician that wants to take all of your money and give it to those that are not deserving. Evil arrives in the mentally-unbalanced woman you meet and date and become entwined so deeply with that a carefully-planned undoing is required to unfuck yourself from the situation. And at some point in life you enter a stage of the untangling of yourself, the undoing of friendships, marriages, the re-thinking of familial relationships, and the clearer understanding of the motives of others. When it all comes together there is an aha moment, like in a movie's hastened flashback of all these small instances that suddenly make sense in a collective cinematic flashbang vision. This is what being woke is all about.

At the intersection of mediated sex, gender, and class, lies the mainstream bourgeois mentality, that agent of hegemony which stigmatizes haters and anyone who cannot identify with the performer's position, and other unsanctioned displays of nudity. The false commandeers of chastity, those modest onlookers who maintain a prescribed counterposing to the notion of high-culture context, with the insistence that the backdrop to your nudity not matter if it be inside your car, or a trailer park, even a tropical resort. The front-lay is the display and anything else within the scene is just clutter to the mediation.

There is hunger for fun or more specifically the feeling from play. That whimsical return to a more innocent time before monthly bills and other responsibilities, what some annoyingly call adulting. This manifests in grown-ups addicted to video games, or maniacally tossing cornhole bean bags or displaying ninja-like moves while playing large-scale jenga. It's akin to being transported back to the playground. In this infantilizing of American culture is a lost sense of maturity, that maybe this isn't the natural linear transgression of things, that perhaps when we leave childhood we are not supposed to return.

Binary oppositions of savagery versus civilized is the core polarization that fuels the passion of our times. Those rich distinctions of refinement versus barbarity, and the restraint in instinctual responses to civil and sexual life. A reliance on nature to quietly discourage the pollution of hybridity and the strengthening of the opposing factions within a peculiar rush in the anonymity of following a stranger. It isn't per se sexual but it's thrilling nonethesame in the focus required to avoid being caught and the rush of not knowing where the seeking may take you. Even the subject's oblivion to what is going on is a key ingredient. She cannot enjoy the flattering attention as she is unaware of it. If she did know she would be slow to admit to it out of embarrassment or shame. It could be argued that if you go into the news business and build your brand as an attractive small-market figure, that you would want this praise more than others.

Why? Because sex today may be an out of body experience intimately executed across large distances and time zones between strangers afforded new means of communication that encounter a conjoined representation of a shared articulation for a similar newly discovered desire, as if it is the first day of history now inherited in the disembodiment of that most essential truth made to become routine through frequency of interaction in the morning dew of the 22nd century.

Basic components to artful acting: your necessary feel for composition, rhythm, nuances, and form. More elusive elements require deep dives for imagination, sensitivity and creativity. Your talents may have been handed down in some magical hereditary blessing but for most this requires the real work. These qualities apply to poetry and great fiction writing, that reconditioning of the environment and added specific requirements to excel in your chosen art form. As an actor you allow your genius to emerge from the supernatural and mysterious forces, that rare and unusual endowment of which seeds the genius.

You seek out the moments when solitude works for you, even if it has become few and far between. With that spark of freedom, much like what the homeless possess, or that of hopeful runaways, you have nobody within reach to turn to or rely upon. Further empowered by no longer being held by societal constraints you can approach the Jesus freaks handing out literature in the town square, or engage in conversation with the girl busing your table. In these moments when the thrill arrives of you as momentary impostor you check the clock to ensure you are not late to pick the kids up, and with another allotment of time you go deeper in your dive. You connect the dots of desperation on the attractive Latinx twenty something who offers you a refill on your tap water. You restrain yourself from grabbing a handful of her primo ass, as you know it's too soon. You nod and semi wink, something you recently practiced in the mirror, and hope to not come off as stroking out. It's the odd details like her suspended stare back at you, inviting yet concerned. You hold back on asking her if she is in school, and refrain from speaking to her in Spanish. Or asking if she has gotten her work schedule for next week. It's as if she is leaving the doorway slightly ajar in her admiration for what you believe she appreciates, that older male quality. There really are no comparisons between what you want to do to her and what her petite Jaliscoan bf can really muster. As you compose a letter in your head each sentence sounds closer to a scam and further away from the purpose of love, in your unrequited justification of why someone twenty years your junior would take you on as their fuck boy. It's all about working the language and the plot twists into a subconscious sales pitch, for if it can be pulled off then everything will end differently.

UNINCORPORATED PART OF TOWN--Local resident Manuel Solorio, 24 years old, was found dead in a running parked car. Early reports say the cause of death was a self-inflicted gunshot. Solorio leaves behind three children and his wife of five years. "This is not something he would ever do to his family," his uncle Ricardo Solorio said to local news.

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In the wake of the last election one side co-opted from the other the term fake news. It then took a few months to flush out the reality that indeed the news was fast becoming falsified propaganda. Now nobody knows what to believe as the news is not to be trusted. Big corporations own the networks and are beholden to shareholders to deliver high returns on investment and this requires drama to get eyeballs on the stories. This means hype when there is nothing to hype. Conflict when there is no conflict. Poll numbers became irrelevant as nothing more than talking points to be used as tools to further the narrative.

When your father was dying he told you that he was okay with letting go, that he didn't want to live in the future that he was predicting to be so dire, he even apologized to you for the timing of it. Times have become stranger since his death, leaving you pondering the same notions as you spend time with your children and prepare for a similar conversation in your final days. Your children will be old ladies come the year 2,100, and you often joke that they will be the last two caucasions on the planet.

Body dysmorphic disorder has higher rates of affliction on those who are considered conventionally attractive because they are closer to the societal ideal of beauty but as they are not quite "fully there" they obsess over the smaller things in their appearance that they feel need changing. When people are unattractive they don't obsess over these ideals because they don't know what attention feels like and they simply go about their lives. Those who have grown up being bullied, or the ugly duckling set, who then had something change in their development and suddenly all eyes were on them, are those who understand it best.

When your first daughter came home from the hospital two days after being born there was an unnerving comfort in the inserting of this missing piece into the puzzle of all of the nesting that you had done. And an engaging thrill of not knowing what you were doing as new parents but trusting the hospital because they discharged you and witnessed you put her in the car seat for the short ride home. Sleepless nights consisted of the backlighting of a salt lamp allowing for you to see her chest rise with her breaths as you felt tasked with making sure she never stopped breathing.

A repertoire of representation is required in the racializing of others, specifically in the case of the West exploiting the differences between European kingdoms and African traders, which resulted in the slave trade and white-on-black colonization--the highest form of imperialism--then the final and current stage of blowback with the migration of the Third World into the "West." Marked differences in race are highly noticeable today as this story is still being written and when it ultimately is archived there will not be a happy ending.

That wise elder with sage advice never really existed in your life except for your father but he kept his words limited and his responses simple, providing helpful insight into life but without the considerable flair of someone dramatically sitting you down for storytime. His advice was so simplified you often didn't take it seriously as you saw life as being more complicated than he was somehow treating it. Now of course you look back and he was right. With your descent into the second half segment of middle age you too have simplified your own perception of the world, and have gone more black and white in an increasingly grey world.

Your mother has a scarcity complex within her own distrust of others, and in her narcissism must make others look bad, while everyone she knows has some dark story. Gossip for her is a weapon to shield her from the thoughts of her own insecurities. Because of this you grew up thinking certain people--family members and friends--were bad people, to then get to know them as an adult and realize they were actually kind and well-respected. In the scarcity department she ran a campaign that the family was one emergency away from becoming homeless. She was so deprived as a child she carried it into her own abundant future but didn't drop the label, which resulted with your small mind trying to process the question of your poverty while living in a big house and vacationing frequently.

The vetting process to get a badge as a visitor into the news station building is easier than you would think yet you don't proceed as it would result in a paper trail. Today after the gym you will wait for her at the entrance to her Thursday evening happy hour meet-up. Mostly she is there with "the girls" but sometimes a male will show up. You could approach her but this would require liquid courage, but drinking alcohol might lead to sloppiness so you are better off monitoring her from the end of the bar while playing up that you have been stood up by a date to get your appetizers comped.

An atmosphere of ambient artifice, strongly imprinted and embedded in the younger minds, overtaking their weak character and heightened sensitivity, is the lack of being present in the moment, whilst signaling a false representation of a united front of living a best life, furthering the misrepresentation in false preoccupations and pretenses. These kids no longer fear what others think because of their own false sense of audience. There are no denunciations only hearts and "likes," while any silence from followers is equated to hater status. In the void of opposition they run shod on meta-awareness or any seeds of self-discovery while being all-consumed with an ongoing performance for the invisible cameras.

Knowing you could not discuss your following (or obsession) of Eileen made it more of a private thrill. Something off limits with the wife and kids, even friends, and away from group therapy banter. It was your own secret and there was a foreplay-type of excitement to the idea of one day just blurting out all about her, breaking down in detail each of her qualities that you liked more than your wife, her exquisite physical attributes and emotional charms. Around friends you were always tempted. In group meet-ups you resisted the impulsive thoughts of dropping hints to your thrilling activity on the other lost guys. Something for them to aspire to, sharing that they too can find their perfect muse, that she is out there you just need to be more engaged while in public. If you can't think of someone in particular now, be patient and let her eventually come to you.

Not everyone would think that what you were doing was healthy. You weren't devoting a god-awful amount of time on her, but there were allocated blocks throughout the day that you spent investigating, or getting lost in small daydreams of how she really is deep down. It was almost as if you constantly missed her. It may sound crazy but she inspired you to be a better person. Sure, your daughters had that effect on you, but here was a woman who wasn't family, someone who frankly didn't even know you, having that special hold on you. It was impressive. She is impressive.

When writing you sense every word you lay down is more fuel for the dumpster fire. Sometimes it's cringe-worthy, sometimes it is amateur hour musings, but then you are reminded of the disconnect between your thoughts going into the sentences and the brain of the reader and that theatrical portrayal of what your words may mean to them. Your takeaways from things you wrote which had not much meaning to you but to your reader were profound, or vice versa. And the final push to keep you going is your voided concept of audience. You do not write with any one particular person in mind. There is freedom in this and there is an added liberation in knowing it may never be read.

Often in the zero degree moments of bottoming out in the writing, when nothing makes sense, you are left reading the text simply for pleasure with an annotated enigma to the final expressions and/or refusals of you as an unyielding author tempting further with thoughtfulness. Retreat and suspension of meaning, no exit and no closure. Metalanguage devised to limit logic and the privilege of mirage in a deconstructionist's nihilistic wet dream. Does everything need to relate or be relevant?

Something that works in the favor of stalkers--or fanboys in your case--is that the authorities cannot get involved until there is an incident, and even then it depends on what that incident entailed. Was there a tangible threat made? Was there contact? Is there evidence of any kind? Being creepy is not illegal and being a starstruck follower has yet to be criminalized. Knowing where someone works, lives, and goes to happy hour is simply information, often gleaned from research that is merely time invested without ROI in mind.

When the surveillance starts to seem like work, taking up valuable time from your daily grind, creating situations where you end up sitting in your car for hours, pissing into empty bottles because there are no restrooms around, you are tasked with digging deeper in these moments to bring about a feeling that it is all somehow worth it, because now that it has become work it will finally pay off with reward. Fantasies circulate in the mind about being together and that rush from the initial contact, how her lips sync up with yours, how her mouth tastes like peppermint and when you grab her ass it's hard from all the squats. This is where the daydreaming ends because anything beyond this requires an untangling of your current life that is much too sobering to venture for gain.

It might be early afternoon and instead of being halfway through your day you are just getting up after a long evening of online porn and social media. You avoid the family because of a dreadful feeling you get when having to interact. You avoid conversations that potentially include suggesting you disconnect for a little while. Any thought of going dark only triggers the urge to get back on it, regardless of your brain fog or overworked crotch. Anxiously you go back online, posting signals of virtue into the echo chamber, dabbling in retail therapy, monitoring the activities of others, and seeking out new genres of porn. You no longer take care of your hygiene nor do you exercise. The pull of isolation is too alluring. Deep down you know you are escaping something even if the addiction seems contrived and manufactured, perhaps custom designed for you. Old thoughts of your pre-digital life bring about a certain calm. Life before the dopamine machines, all that you never saw, and the innocence away from the distractions.

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Dan Rather, reporting as a correspondent for 60 minutes, used fake National Guard documents in a hit piece against then-president George W. Bush. These documents were typed out in courier font on laser printer paper, and were supposedly from 1970s typewriters. After in-house investigations it was revealed that Rather knew about this paperwork being fake but he ran the story anyway. He was ultimately fired and no longer reported again. This was the first big fake news story and the beginning of much more to come. Now when people talk about journalism you accept that it's dead.

You last had sex with a woman who is not your wife at the age of thirty three. The number of women you have had sex with ended at a few dozen. You sealed your monogamy before the thrill of online dating, that simplified offering of so much that is out there, now provided freely on widespread platforms. You will never be afforded the random hookup with the single mom DTF from a neighborhood near you. Your adulthood charms will be rendered useless as those super powers you only acquired after forty were never in your possession to seduce or thrill. You will at some point lose the spark for sex and no longer be able to perform. You will at some point no longer want it. You will slide into an asexual existence and your wife will be left to her own devices. Your daughters will begin dating and the boys that come over will have that muted swagger about them because you know that they have been having sex with your daughters. Your thoughts will run to specific acts and stop there as it will be too troubling for your daddy brain.

Writing should introduce the soul to a world governed by beauty and truth. This is best executed in the smallest of details. That nuanced flip of language, or some comical hook. Perhaps a general theme of a boring malaise of indifference in the combination of word salad. It could be as simple as an endearing note sent through email to convey a sense of appreciation for a certain person's underappreciated beauty. It could be the juxtapositioning of the macabre with the sublime. Not all undertakings require meaning. What is available to one of us may not be available to another. These correlations can bring with them a sense of infinity, something of substance, constituted from the mental work of (wo)man.

There is freedom from not knowing too much about family members, about being kept in the dark from situations that took place, as you, at the time, were not privy to such adult knowledge. This applies to most of the rest of life, where not knowing is better than knowing. Knowledge brings pain and a desire to solve a problem that is not necessarily solvable. It isn't your trauma to bear. Those abortions kept under the radar, the incidents when a family friend got drunk and touched one of the kids inappropriately. Or how a neighbor had experienced a "life shattering event" and you do not ask because you do not want to know. It's what the professionals could call "that sought out simplified glimmer of ignorance."

1863 was the first recorded year of reports detailing certain concerned patients who would go from one physician to the next reporting varying symptoms from fake illnesses, leading to the naming of this activity as Munchausen Syndrome, after Baron von Munchausen, who travelled the world and told dramatic and fantastical stories, none of which were provable. The modern day version is more prevalent in women and there is a degree of medical knowledge required to successfully adopt the sickness role. Loss during one's early formative years can be the most significant initial trigger.

Acting requires substitution in the form of inserting your own experiences in the place of your character's. You don't need to have once ruled a kingdom to play a king, as your own life need not be based on your experiences. You may not have a reference for being shot, but you can imagine the reaction to walking into what you expect is a hot shower but you find the water is actually cold. There are reasonable analogies for new sensations in everything we experience and no substitutions when it comes to denial and other superior solutions, so act out on what triggers your imagination, as your actions are there for performance.

It's easy to say I am a great dad even if it seems you are not. Because the self-fulfilling prophecy of trying to manifest a better version of you sometimes requires a bit of hype even when there is no truth or substance behind the guise. Meta hype can take you places, even if only in your mind and toward your perceived audience of friends and family and online followers. The music you play loudly in the car soundtracking your life, further lifting the manic magic of not fully being present as a parent, or husband, certainly not a friend who listens because when others speak you are ruminating on how this conversation's topic can be directed back to you, while manufacturing your mundane life into something exciting.

Desire could mean clean-shaven pale skin with red lips and bony hips. The standard from Nordic realms running the gamut of the healthier you look the more desirable you become. A caliber for being marveled, that look you catch in your periphery, what some would say "stops traffic," and gets you to pause and engage in revelry. Bounce to jungle fever and the awe spurned from the black female body, that spectacle of pendulous breasts and exaggerated backsides, the embodiment of what may be too much for one man. A sophisticated palate requiring the dark girls a myriad of sumptuous delights and a worthiness of your rainforest desire. This may be why they were kidnapped and enslaved. This may be why deducing their beauty is so difficult, the danger is your desire running contrary to your instincts instilling some anti-social realm of unrequited desire passage ways.

Any discussion on the contemporary pornification of America requires the unpacking of cultural roles, that of the varying degrees of attraction and draw to the object itself, with the redrawing of boundaries and re-mapping of desire. In the talk of boundaries are the hopes of control over the over-sexualisation of culture, as with the advent of digital distribution the implication becomes more on the individual. And finally the fencing off of all things porn as being a force for ill, regardless of levels of titillation. By being viewed as an externalized threat it can be better managed and combatted into something less overwhelming and relegated to a smaller role in your life.

Who are you kidding when you think of the fantastical realm of being in better shape, or being idolized by women other than your wife, or some fame element to your writing, even the grand illusion of Father of the Year. You always half ass whatever you do, and because your results are mediocre, mediocrity is what you expect. You like it because it means security in an insecure environment. A theme of instability had been established for you by your mother over the impressionable years, as her own childhood of neglect and emotional starvation arrived with her when she became a mother to then re-establish a crazy making environment when it wasn't necessary, because most everything was indeed fine, there was love and comfort and opulence. From this you seek out a basic life, knowing that anything more than that is not for you as the daydreams of your life never made it this far.

The living mothers of adult children who have their own children and witness a different approach to parenting will attempt to diminish the efforts of the adult child to build a roadblock for the transgenerational trauma, like the conscious retiring of words like shame, never to be used again under any circumstances. The allowing for peace and quiet and free thought and creativity and an innocent pondering of what the new shiny discovery of the day could mean. This without vile talk of others, or belittling those within close proximity. That invisible safety net that children need for their own sparks of interest in life and subsequent individualism based on free thinking.

The Middle Ages had a distorted yet ambiguous viewpoint of Africa, where the Coptic Church successfully recruited Ethiopian followers. These people were primitive in comparison to the more civilized Europeans and their connection to nature was framed as somewhat barbaric. During the Enlightenment certain British scholars referred to Africans as the "monkey tribe." Then came a movement to distance Africans from the contributor class of Western nations who deemed these sub-humans as nothing more than witch doctors and occasional cannibals. Of course this was well before the march of colonization and the reacquainting of these forgotten and ill-begotten people.

Western society had a fear of racial degeneration, and resulting threats from disease and criminal behavior. Racial improvement, also known as eugenics, later debunked as a pseudo-science, was based on Darwin's idea of natural selection and anthropometrics, a scientific anthropology which classified the most ideal human types. In the early 1900s there was talk that the non-Europeans were sub-types that belonged to the savage races, even classifiable within the same grouping as prostitutes, criminals and the insane. An essential component to this led to the Nazis and their Final Solution in the form of mass extermination of these subtypes. Modern art reflected this problem of representation in how to best constitute the Other and the Self, and the legitimization of reproduction. Theories could not express modern rationalization so the avant-garde was born to address this newly awakened consciousness. With creative activity running along the lines of struggle, pulling in more illumination from a safer distance, it was now more than ever about the reaction to the totalizing of racialism.

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The Anarchist Cookbook was written by New York teenager William Powell and published in 1971 at the height of the counterculture era against the Vietnam War. The book's intention was "to galvanize great societal change" by "providing the general population with the skills and capabilities to organize against fascist, capitalist, and communist threats." Further, the author explained that the central idea of the book was that violence is acceptable in order to bring about political change. Much of the book provided how-to instructions, like setting booby traps, making drugs and tear gas, home-made weaponry, sabotage and demolition techniques, and improvised analog surveillance. The FBI would later describe the book as "one of the crudest, low-brow, paranoiac writing efforts ever attempted." Shortly after its initial publication, the author renounced the book and began a campaign for its discontinuation. The book lived on with cult status while the author was haunted by its violent message and his inability to ever find a meaningful job. He eventually died of cardiac arrest in his early forties, but not before the immortalized indexing of The Anarchist Cookbook on academic FTP sites in the early 1990s. Any mention of the book now invokes its ongoing influence on criminals and terrorists.

I want you to know that your charms are not going unnoticed, that in fact I may be the only one who fully appreciates all that you have to offer, in your totality as a woman. You are not endangered by this appreciation I have for you, rather the contrary, I would never hurt you. In fact if under the right circumstances we were to ever meet you would be taken by my appreciation for all that is you. Bye for now, and hope you have a nice day! Sent through a burner email with read-receipt. You don't expect a reply but if there is one it will further exemplify how she cares for her fans.

There are experts from prestigious schools who claim there is no inherent danger in the internet, much like other scholars who were wrong on the dangers of cigarettes. Screen time is dangerous until proven otherwise, yet this theory is lost on academia because of a peculiar exemption when it comes to Big Data and their financial contributions to the universities. When internet addiction research is honest they will find the thrill is self-administered and in that fact alone dangerously addictive.

There is a heightened sense of collective vulnerability when it comes to infectious disease and airborne pathogens like Ebola or SARS and in this limited ability to control the outcome of an outbreak we take solace in knowing that much of life is outside of our control. To truly enjoy life, things like sporadic laughter or random vulnerabilities, one must suspend belief in government to handle crises or address catastrophe. When people talk about the "government" you ask do you not realize those are people just like you?

There are those on one side who like to call the other side climate deniers for not believing the hype of climate change, and this works as a labeling campaign, leaving the label of ignorance and effective in shutting down most conversations because, after all, you are now the dumb one. Yet, these same people are biology deniers in their inability to accept that there are only two genders, and not several dozen as claimed.

International news stories of hundreds killed in church bombings throughout Islamic countries, or beheadings of captured journalists, are part of a great unraveling that has collectively numbed the masses from any impending doom, allowing to walk into the future under a fever-induced stupor, unable to reorient to the proper path of our salvation. And with so much unrest in the air the main goal is to live to tell. The Law of Proportion, when applied to prophecy, allows for you to come away with the idea that the homeless crisis is the mid-stage of modern Sodom and Gomorrah, when it all will finally go up in flames. A full circle back to broken homes and the failed American family, a moral decline that has evangelists talking of end days and other fever hype surrounding rapture.

Truth is produced through virtue and constraint, inducing a subtle feeling of power because within the regime of honesty is discourse and the functional sanction of status. You inside the mechanisms of instance free to divulge without the set-up of a self-made oeuvre of dramedy or other hijinx. How much does knowing the outcome of the future affect how you live your life today? What if all the despair in your midst is no different than a tornado warning signaling something bigger is imminent.

III.

ISOLATION

VERSUS

INTIMACY

Certain amounts of strength are required to be vulnerable enough to emerge from the search party of identity to the meet-up point that has a seeking out of like-mindeds to fuse group identity. A new tribal set-up versus the forced-upon nuclear family which now quietly fades into history. Bringing about within you strengths for an ethical role within the new commitments which could mean a readiness for intimacy and a newly discovered currency of your sex. Ego and body now working in union for the same goals and outcomes as the threat of you being exposed as a fraud far outweighs a more collective shaming if it comes to that. Ready for intimacy there is a newfound capacity for commitment and a controlling share of the mind over organs, while facing the fear of ego loss in the abandoned wake of solidarity for intuition and other recesses of self. Stark isolation in the self-absorption and a readiness to destroy those who encroach into territory delegated for intimate relations, war can be the best example of the outgrowth of such protective repudiation. Combative, competitive, virtue signaling, peacock fanning, all delineations of the embrace and differentiated ethical sense of self. In the identity searching is the dominating presence of the vagina or phallus, hanging and dangling a cause/reward that entails reciprocal sexual bliss. Seeking out the discharge of tension that genital libido will bring about with an unobstructed capacity for orgasmic potency. What some may deem a preoccupation others might consider a curative power move of incorporating libido and genital discovery into every aspect of life. Frustration comes with regressions but there is duty in the mutuality of orgasm, a more implied component to the utopia in the acting out of sex with a love partner, someone of the other sex that is affording to you a willingness to share in satisfactory development and cooperation.

Womxn is the new spelling of women by certain feminists who want to distance themselves from having the word "men" within the word "women." A particular independence in the shedding of these chains, there is a sub-movement to have consent begin with the first glances, not just when you get inside the bedroom, but well before a conversation can transpire. Just because you find someone attractive doesn't mean you are entitled to stare at them. Don't be a creep they say. What you may think is a compliment may be nothing more than your toxic masculinity flaring up. Perhaps you should begin conversations with the question, "May I talk to you?" Suspend the mythology that you are here to help her out. You are not, and choosing to do anything else is you playing a domination game that womxn will view as weak. Prioritize safety and give up on trying to prove yourself. Non-toxic masculinity doesn't bring any guarantees but pursuing solutions is your only hope at appraisal, they inform.

Sexuality is a historically crafted apparatus consisting of techniques of power, morality systems, procedures and discourse to attain an end goal of identity based in desire and pleasure. With the advent of the internet there is an added factor of technology, and a byproduct from this cyber element is that there is no off switch, as relations and negotiations are never free from the constant verve because sexuality has infused itself into every corner of society. The most prominent reveal of the internet has been the unveiling of easily accessible porn, and in this the rewiring of reaction whether that be pleasurable or something of shock, even repulsion. In these elicited moments the reaction of the viewer implicates them into the process, becoming one with the performance, even if only through a screen. As the power is played out the subjectivities are produced while regulations and expectations are expanded.

145. Imagine a society that subjects its people to conditions that make them terribly unhappy, then gives them drugs to take away their unhappiness. Science fiction? It is already happening to some extent in our society. It is well known that the rate of clinical depression has been greatly increasing in recent decades. Instead of removing the conditions that make people depressed, modern society gives them antidepressant drugs. In effect, antidepressants are a means of modifying an individual's internal state in such a way as to enable him to tolerate social conditions that he would otherwise find intolerable. (T. Kaczynski, 1995)

Modern stalkers are afforded online communications which may involve an initial searching out of their subject's email address, something made public for the sake of minor fandom. When the email address is acquired a clever initial message is key. Something that will hook your subject into a response, even if only casual banter or a note of thanks. The beauty of the internet is allowing for private electronic exchanges between strangers, with unlimited potential. It could end quickly or escalate to the exchanging of nudes, perhaps even a more intimate act like sexting. There are no rules, just promise.

UNINCORPORATED PART OF TOWN--Fernando Alvarado, 21, was found dead on May 5 just beyond the unincorporated county line. Cause of death is apparent suicide by ingesting engine coolant. He leaves behind two children and a fiancé. He is a Mexican national and the Mexican consulate said they will be taking possession of his remains after the pending autopsy is complete. No foul play is suspected.

The internet is an information management system for humans to role play as providers and, simultaneously, seekers of information. Providing information can bear a psychological cost without much return, but for some the resulting dopamine spiking is based on the content and response at hand. This is why a reorganization of priorities and thinking is key when traversing the challenging terrain of the interwebs. It begins with the initial decision to go online. Subsequent results from that all-in decision may vary based on frustration, thrill, or varying levels of technophobia. How to combat the information overload or the sensation/perceptual processing of misinformation campaigns, or the lack of authenticity in things like porn or news. A blending of your intake of everything into one experience and entity in the block chain of your mind's short-term memory transference to the long-term memory holding tanks. Why you will remember a specific pornographic scene you watched years ago but you cannot recall where you drove your car yesterday. With the mental efficiency comes a distortion from attempting to find meaning in the vastness of all the information, and the process of externalization from the digital to the filtered response in a fully played-out reality.

Sexuality, madness, and punishment are thematic words that are best explored within the context of discourse about their contributions to the advancement of society. Sexuality gives us the driver for most growth and is a precursor to the extent of how much we may discuss the topic in certain company. Madness is accompanied by the delight of deviant behavior while pushing limitations within the context of historical moments. You as trendsetter and tastemaker. Punishment shall remain in the shadow world of nighttime indoctrination and secretive behavior, those acts executed without an audience in mind for the theatrical flair, yet destined for a delayed reaction to the results. Say a quiet murder staged as a suicde, or the love note left on the windshield of a parked car.

Your approach to screen time is wrought with concern for certain risks that are inherent with such magic. The lending of hope for a situation. This would be the adult film theory of watching something transpire so easily between a man and a woman, two strangers who go directly to sex. In this is a disconnect from reality, as this isn't how life is typically played out. The propagation of fake news. You do not mind some propaganda as you find it humorous, but when it leads others into a deeper ignorance it is detrimental to society, and now nothing more than a weaponized tool. It can be a waste of time. It can lead to alienation. It can lead to withdrawal from society, including spouses and children.

If you make a point to actually introduce yourself to her it will be with a fake name. Then you will run into her again, and then again and again, it will come off as serendipitous, or what some call the Mandela Effect. It will seem meant to be. Your dreams end with the initial meeting of her, as you cannot imagine any fully flushed-out concept of hooking up with her. Then the confessing of her undying love for you, then you breaking the news to the kids that mommy and daddy are going to be taking a break for a little while. This is where the story spins out with a certain uncomfortable level of difficulty.

Psychoanalyzing crushes or chemical responses to certain people, even fetishes, requires that we throw into the calculation other lifestyle factors, like levels of loneliness or suspended perceptions of reality. Your subject may indeed not mirror your assessment. Certainly there are undeniable urges for this verve but sometimes when properly organized as thoughts the energy can be redirected for something good. And your home life can be saved by channeling this forethought into your own life and away from the fantastical.

Person 1 texts Person 2 with a slew of unsolicited angry messages, nothing extremely vulgar but alarming and insulting. Perhaps it was a mention of a new lipstick color she wore on air, or the High Def clarity of a foundation-masked pimple that would go unnoticed under lesser lighting. There are no responses to the several messages but there is a "read" notification.

The paradox of diverse equality is a quixotic foolishness of society. Diversity belies equality as no two things can be equal, especially humans. Diversity is anathema to equality and one cannot exist without the other. Whilst you wait for a sign or a signal, someone may take up the spear or cry out in alarm. You are the voice and the way forward. Embrace infamy even if the media will paint you as a villain or the state will call you a traitor. While the globalist forces may deem you a criminal, you will be infamous and take it with a smile.

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Fashion code interprets the signs of the time. It's when we pull from the linguistic leanings of the era, for example, the loose apathetic stance of early 90s Generation Xers and the deliberate baggy flannels, torn jeans, and large boots. Only those in the know at the time understood this esthetic was co-opted from heroin culture. Millennials with their uptight viewpoints have equal symbolism in skinny jeans or mom pants and fanny packs. Representation process is linked through the signifier mental concepts of signs of progress, that level of denotation when the masses accept a look and are all in. Perhaps this is the cult of the manly beard or the push-up bra, both devices to cover up for a perceived inadequacy or hidden dysmorphia. We are able to decode the more blatant affronts of short-lived phenomena like the exposed thong (affectionately known as the "whale tail"), made famous by Monica Lewinsky and left behind in 1999. Time is best gauged with the passing of a decade with marked events like Y2K or the anniversary of 9/11, when events are put on par with the full circle arrival of certain fashions, like shredded jeans, neon, dayglo or oversized trucker caps.

In a June 7, 1981, interview, Ronald Reagan attempted-assassin John Hinckley, when asked if he was trying to impress Hollywood actress Jodie Foster, replied: "Well, it is a combination of things: to impress her, almost to traumatize her. That is the best word. To link myself with her for almost the rest of history, if you want to go for that." This desire for identification is an attempted effort at perfection, and to find a vehicle for projection within the unattainability. It could be a masochistic subjugation or a sense of pride that he may be able to endure the rejection while still pushing for the unattainable. In the object concept world the self-structuring is fused with the victim in order to arrive at a conceptual (perceptual) fusion of an in-it-together pathos. This psychological decompensation exists without boundaries, both interpersonally and intrapsychically, and the love object becomes part of the psychotic landscape. The use of transitional objects in the fantasy can bring on strong attachments to authority figures, such as in the case of a 26-year-old male stalker who when sentenced by a female superior court judge, was asked if he had anything to say to the court he attempted to charm her with: "I love you because you have the balls to wear all black. You're so prim and proper I bet you have lilacs for pubic hairs, you whore."

You don't know how she would feel about you undressing her on screen, behind the big lights and that laminate desk with its fake laptop and unused notepad and empty coffee cup with the station logo. Her sense of vulnerability is gone with her semi-celebrity status, what you call a big fish in a small pond. Her heightened photogenic qualities of high cheekbones and catty eyes, a symmetry that when you look directly into her face it all makes sense. There is nothing for her to get lost in, as you are still anonymous to her, affording unbecoming thoughts of desire or romantic musings, at the time of your discretion. You can push her away if she is too clingy and she won't have to learn a lesson about that because she still doesn't know you. Does anyone really? Those closest to you still have much to learn about this rather complex man.

With woke culture highlighting the dark history of the white male, is there room for respect or admiration for some of the good done, or, more daringly, is there a splinter of pride remaining? As with the same idea that past injustices were committed by people you didn't know well before the birth of your grandparents' grandparents you will gladly bow down in taking credit for the better moments of the past as well. It could be nothing more than a sense of racial self-respect, and normalizing that open discussion thread. Dissent and curiosity will exist while white culture remains such a controversial prospect.

In a black sedan with an uber sticker on the windshield you arrive at closing time curbside of the bar. Under the flood of your car's headlights a college-aged blonde girl approaches with phone in hand looking back and forth at her device and your license plate. She opens the rear passenger door and asks, "Ray?" You reply "Yes, I am your driver," and she gets in. Drunk she mumbles something about the wrong color of car that was supposed to pick her up. You drive off rapidly and take the first freeway onramp and head east. She says we are going the wrong way. You say to her "How do you know where we are going?" She tells you she is going to report you to uber and you tell her no need, this ride is free and she will be let out shortly. You drive to the empty parking lot of the Tortilla Flats Target Shopping Center and drop her off at the loading docks, where the homeless have sex between dumpsters. You tell her you have a high priority request for a pick-up at the airport and need to leave her there but a replacement driver has been notified to come get her.

Internet-based communication lends to over self-documentation, with tendencies toward disinhibition, and an inherent expandability of the user's personae, that of the recurring ability to project new personae and acquire previously unknown tastes. In the work of online pornography there is the performance but equally importantly the production which includes information architecture, the sorting of metadata, marking out of titles, terms, subcategories and other searchability qualities for the manifest archive to attempt to harvest and provoke new niche practices, or at the minimum to successfully familiarize once-concerning distinctions (fetishes, kinks) into the mainstream.

Those without a strong sense of self-worth must attempt to learn their own value. Take away ambient praise and that great persistent voiceover, and the self-image begins to crumble. A reminder that when your enemies are not easily slain choose your weapons well. Within the ability to rise above fate and establish a new self-image autonomous of the vagaries of misfortune, while putting forth the reminder that making sense of life cannot be done at every step of the way. That missing pages or failed sub-plots taken out of context may make no sense to your entire storyline. But the requirement of a better viewing of the collective strands of your narrative and the hidden meaning behind why you did this or that and at what point. The significance in the failed plotlines in your role player status within this cosmic drama, and the infinity rippling effects. Those incentives of moral behavior before the conviction and the outcome of your influence, well before man as an actor alienated himself from nature and your heart was set to auto pilot.

The established trinity of the psyche--the ID, EGO, and SUPEREGO--is represented through varying stages of human psychic maturation, which is no more flourished than through presentation of self on the internet. Unconscious functions work as metaphors for language, like the nuanced moves made in real life that are projected for the unverified cameras. It comes together in an acquired social order when the audience is most present. Similar to the mirror phase of your infancy, the sense of self arrived externally, through reflection, in those earliest moments, around 6 months old, while studying yourself in a mirror. In order for self to fully manifest, misrecognition must take place, that pesky false persuasion of self, when you are your most significant because the mirror has become the signifier. Reality becomes nothing more than a hall of mirrors, with implications and cameras everywhere you turn.

For we should not be judged on our inability to express ourselves fully in a world that shuts down the opening of dialogue by the begotten, resulting in the keeping in of so much, manifesting in the faces and on the bodies of the forgotten, that disregarded lot of Americana who exist in the background, those anti-wallflowers that ugly up the landscape but provide the throb to the pulse. We view ignorance as an absence of knowledge which brings into the equation that if we fill that void with education we will solve the problem, but often this fuels the fire of illusory confidence. The real skill is being able to discern between what you know and what you know that you don't know.

When tragedy strikes, a bearable aspect of life is the response from friends and family and that sympathy you will receive. Because of a deep-seated yearning for attention, regardless of why, you might quietly wish for a bigger disaster, something on an epic scale, be it natural like a flood that takes out an entire city, or a tsunami that annihilates an entire coastline. Or something more intimate like a personal diagnosis of leukemia, an ailment you can beat but not without thoughts and prayers. In this newly supportive atmosphere you can better unload and unpack what you are experiencing. And if those around you cannot put themselves into your shoes then their pity will remain in the abstract. You can go for something edgier that will elicit a sense of danger or a dirty glamour that makes you the topic of conversation, like being kidnapped or some other violence. Give them a scent of that forbidden fruit. Be vague, allowing that transgressive edge to open up accessibility. But without exposing too much light from that day to keep the event mysterious and your plight unique to you.

Language uses symbols to take the imaginary from the abstract to instill a more reflected initiation of meaning. It doesn't work like a mirror, with you looking into it and yourself looking back at you. Because there is a byproduct of meaning produced from the constructionist approach at correspondence between you the communicator and them the audience, no matter if that crowd is large and diverse, well-cultured, well-cultivated, and/or semi-imagined.

Early stages of breakdown can impose a prominence in the perceptual dysfunction of invariant psychosis. When you get nervous do you think you have gone mad? When the ambient noise becomes louder, is it like someone is turning up the volume on your life? When colors become brighter and project a streaming palette, like that of a luminous abstract painting, pulling at your attention centers and untether your doing?

Total symptom picture:

An altered sense of self. Changes in movements. Hallucinations and delusions. Alterations to the senses. An inability to interpret incoming sensations and to respond appropriately.

You have long known of depression in your bloodlines. In your darker moments, when you question is this it is when you get down, not from the poor quality of your life, but from the ongoing mundane and lack of an exalted newer state, something kicked down the road of your near future. Without that higher high there is no floor. Your remedy for the depression is to ride it out until your mood lifts for the manic.

Defensiveness is reduced and memories become repressed, stifling the further recalling of events. Irrational feelings are aberrations and there is an improved intensity. This is the manic stage. Alert, no longer a feeling of impairment, flooded with insight as if the dopamine has worn off and you are now free from the screen's crippling grip. In this state is heightened suggestibility where judgement is suspended and there is a certain validity in living a life without reservations.

Dopamine fasting consists of removing all sources of exogenous pleasure from life. Most significant from this is digital time, and other quick hits of neurotransmitters associated with reward, motivation and pleasure. Only when you return to real life are you able to fully savor the neurochemical ecstasy. The post-fast goal is to re-experience a neuro rebound effect. Every day items like food, internet, and sex release dopamine in the brain, and if this barrage is too constant a rewiring occurs, but with fasting the brain cells are able to rest and ultimately heal.

You may enjoy watching others suffer to a certain extent, even seeing them go through hard times. But it's never about the schadenfreude for you. The difficulties of life are as important as the joyful moments and because of this an embracing of more bloodletting should take place. Perhaps your own issues with a futuristic-thinking bent leaves you nervous for how things will play out in the next decade. Your personal garden to tend to, or pushing your ambition for a better body, a cleaner mind, setting yourself up for easier living when times get tough.

In order to interpret the world there are implemented correlations of mental and system representation. This is the concept for what we perceive, material things like furniture or naked bodies, all that we can touch and feel. Then the more obscure items like love and hate, even more esoteric ideas like racism or war, that which brings about strong feelings either way. Some of this may be applied to currency, in that it can be traded upon, like love or support, even fear mongering. The way you can make someone feel may be stronger than the strength of cash. Triggers you manifest resulting in more than your net worth, and those feelings you summon when you hear words like Devil, Allah, MAGA or Planned Parenthood. Responses will differ but it's all from the man made, therefore it's man felt.

Your private audience consists of those whose opinions matter to you. People for whom you believe you need to prove yourself. They may have such a strong influence on you that you cannot get them out of your head. This audience could consist of lifelong nurturers and supporters, or competitors and those who abused their authority over you. If they are in your head they are a member of your private audience. Maybe it isn't about support but about those who have tried to stop you. In this membership is your own vision of god--in the literal and/or abstract--while your identification of the audience determines the magic in the clarification of where your real self ends and where your character takes over. And all that you need to take on, or leave behind, when entering your character world.

On the rare occasions when you see friends there is a banter that is fitting for bad fiction. Some hollow hyped-up scenarios of a life better lived out in the mind, while not grounded in anything reality based. This applies to your guy friends and their fantastical fables of sexual conquests. You run with their narratives even when you know the stories are severely exaggerated or quite possibly made up, you may even add to the hype of seeding the story with your own wild projections, like guessing that so and so has a much larger rack than she is presenting under her baggy clothes or a half joke about abducting a woman you have been stalking. Much of this collective talent for story creation is left over from caveman fire pit discussions.

You visit chat rooms that are anti-homeless, where folks are free to discuss their abhorrence for the filth and the lack of government involvement. There is a refreshing honesty when people unload their emotions, the raw disgust, heightened frustrations and genuine concern for the safety of others. In this collective pulse for change is a running theme of taking justice into one's own hands which would mean a purge by and for the people. Nobody would notice if these folks went missing. Already dead to family members, they hadn't paid taxes in years so the government would not be concerned. Comments about this would carry a seriousness to them but then end with LOL or a smiling emoji, something placed strategically to allow for an exit on the statement should you be exposed outside the forum or be threatened with being doxxed by a homeless advocate who had infiltrated the chat room.

In the mid-1990s in an upscale Virginia shopping center, a young woman claimed to be returning to her car when she was abducted and raped at gunpoint. She was driven around for several hours then dropped off back at the parking lot where her car was parked. She immediately contacted the police and gave a description of her attacker (black male). When she was placed with a coordinator who visited her at her apartment the next day certain components of the story began to not make sense. She had recently moved from Pakistan, she was wearing the same clothes from the attack and had not showered since (a rape examination took place the day prior). The only evidence of sexual activity involved minimal genital abrasions, and the high probability that she was a virgin. The story became a media event in the casting of her as immigrant rape victim to black man. Her parents even flew in from Pakistan to be with her. Subsequent investigations revealed the entire story was made up. She finally confessed saying that she was lonely in a new country and was seeking nothing more than "some attention."

UNINCORPORATED PART OF TOWN--Two suspects have been arrested for the murder of a woman whose body was found in the unincorporated part of the city, commonly known as Tortilla Flats. The body was discovered on the shoulder of the roadway and traffic was redirected much of the day. According to county jail records, the suspects, both minors, were taken into custody on Monday without incident. They each face one count of murder with malice. They are slated to appear in juvenile court on Wednesday. In addition to the felony count of attempted murder they both face misdemeanor counts of obstructing a public officer, misdemeanor counts of making unauthorized paper money, and identity theft. According to the felony complaint they fatally shot the victim because she was witness to a crime. The victim has been identified as a Mexican national but investigators are working to find next of kin before they officially release her positive identification.

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There are normal aspects of self and deviant aspects of self, and there is the in between. The internet is utilized to deepen self-awareness or to distract from the pathology, and the consequences of having multiple personalities online, and that aspect alone can bring upon a dominating pull for disinhibition or the ability to project certain personae, resulting in a fragmentation of self. There is less cohesion than one would assume, and a reduction in abilities like catching onto social cues. Or how self-categorization salience brings upon a fog that normalizes the deepening technological addiction. It's all there, the components from other addictions, tolerance, withdrawal, mood modifications, conflict, and ultimately relapse.

It had always been her dream to be a television reporter, and with hard work Christine Chubbuck achieved it when she went to work for WVIZ in Cleveland. After a couple of years she moved on to WXLT in Sarasota, where she was given her own community affairs talk show. For years she had secretly struggled with depression and suicidal thoughts. She confided in a coworker that she was depressed because she was still a virgin at the age of 30. Her only romantic experiences consisted of a couple of dates that went nowhere. She once attempted to kill herself by overdose. She did a story about suicide and in the wake of the research decided to buy herself a gun. On a July morning in Florida, she began her show by asking her producer that it be recorded, not just run as a live feed, and that she would be changing up the format for the day, by reading a news report. Once the camera came on she stared at the red light and began, "In keeping with Channel 40's policy of bringing you the latest in blood and guts, and in living color, you are going to see another first, a live broadcast of an attempted suicide." Before the crew could react she pulled out a .38 caliber pistol and shot herself between the right temple and ear. She fell forward onto her desk. The producer quickly cut the broadcast to a movie. Calls began coming in inquiring if what everyone saw was indeed real. She died 14 hours later. Her body was cremated and the ashes were spread in the Gulf of Mexico. The remainder of her script read, "TV 40 news personality Christine Chubbuck shot herself in a live broadcast this morning."

There are times when everything grips your attention, it is all-engaging and you become uninterested in any one particular thing, as if it has been leveled and your curiosity for the growth of a flower is equal to that of sex with a stranger. It becomes difficult to shut these thoughts out or to mute the volume of one for the other, and your piqued interest in the smallest of things is most curious and defaults to the logical thinking that you are wasting your time but in the end nothing is really wasted.

It can be blamed off as brain fog or another externally-induced distortion but there are times when it appears like a fixation on things, when you can predict the movement patterns of those coming and going, or the weather forecasts and their small error trends and calculate back a better forewarning, or what was said two weeks ago by two strangers within ear shot. The ding of the car sounding an announcement that your seatbelt isn't fastened triggering the exact price of gas last week and how many gallons were needed to fill up. But then there are the times of 'spacing out' where anything coming in goes out without any recording, as if you are overloaded and cannot hold onto anything anymore. Words are nothing more than air and faces begin to blur, situations involving other people become unmanageable and you hide your nervousness to not appear as strange to strangers.

With the advent of affordable and easy to operate video recorders there was a proliferation of at-home production for home television consumption. Mostly family videos and haphazard pornography. It wasn't long before this led to ready-made public documentary-style footage of college girls pulling off their tops or making out for cameramen on spring break in places like New Orleans or Lake Havasu. In this newfound medium was an eagerness to perform for the immediate audience (live, within the physical space) but also to new viewers, those who would purchase VHS tapes of the best-of moments for which you would be included. There was an infomercial quality to the end product, a long series of short clips of attractive young women revealing their private parts and taking commands to feel each other up or make out. There lacked a sense of exploitation in the final product, and the viewer was left desiring more. Lost in the selective process of who got filmed, then who survived the editing process, was the objectification and body idealism. This could be explained off as meeting the demands of the producers who wanted that most ideal co-ed type, young, healthy looking, in shape and busty. Other spin-off productions would include heavier set women or mom-types (pre MILF phenomenon) and sales would be notably insignificant. In the newness of it all there was a demand for absolute perfection that now has waned to a new setting off point where your fetish meets the marketplace and authenticity is preferred over artifice.

Hidden from the story of history is the male. Not the undeniable accomplishments of men but the very term "man" that once doubled in function referring equally to "humans," which now can provoke a triggered response. Apart from the fact that the historical stage was invariably dominated by men, and the assumed performance in politics and art and science was seamlessly natural. It was the male's qualities that were able to rise above criticism and protest and dominate all movements. But now under cross-examination there is a retreating to the more obscure shadows to avoid the anguish of feigned hysterics.

The following excerpted manifesto, aptly named "My Twisted World" is from Isla Vista mass shooter Elliot Rodger. Foretelling an event he prophetically chronicled on YouTube as the "Elliot Rodger Retribution," this incident brought to the American conscious the first introduction to the word "incel," a morphed term for involuntary celibate(s). Mr. Rodger had many issues with society that were fueled by an underlying hatred of women, but more so a frustration with his inability to get with a girl. He has become a folk hero of the incel movement and has inspired other mass killings: After going through every fantasy I had of how I would punish my enemies I started detailing my exact plans for how the Day of Retribution would play out. The first phase of my vengeance will be me silently killing as many people as possible by luring them into my apartment. The first victims will be my two roommates in order to secure the entire apartment for my personal torture and killing chamber. Once lured inside I will knock people out with a hammer and slit their throats. I will torture the good looking ones, because I assume the good looking ones have the best sex lives. All of that pleasure they had will be negated by the pain I bring to them. I will cut them, flay them, strip off all their skin and pour boiling water over them while they are still alive. Add in any other torture I can think of at the moment. When they are dead I will behead them and put their heads in a bag, as their heads in a bag will play a major role of the final phase. This first phase will be all about vengeance against men who have had pleasurable sex lives while I have had to suffer, it will all be fair once I make them suffer as I did. The second phase will take place on the Day of Retribution, just before the climactic massacre. It will represent my War on Women. I will punish them for depriving me of sex. They have starved my youth of sex while giving pleasure to other men. I cannot kill every woman on earth but I can deliver a devastating blow that will shake the core of their wicked hearts. I will attack the worst of those who represent everything I hate in women: the hottest sorority girls. I have stalked a certain sorority house for some time now and have chosen it as my target. Mostly hot blondes, the ones that I would want to get with. They are spoiled, heartless and wicked bitches. They think they are superior to me and if I was to ask them out I would be rejected for being inadequate. Just before 9pm when the partying has begun I will sneak into their house and slaughter every single one with my guns and knives, then if I have time I will set the house on fire. We will see who is superior. The final phase is all out showdown in the streets. I will drive to my father's house and kill my little brother to ensure he never grows up to surpass me, along with my stepmother because she will just get in the way. I will steal her SUV to use as a killing machine because it will cause more damage than my coupe. I can only imagine how sweet it will feel to ram my car into a crowd of popular young people. With their bodies spread about the street, dying and writhing in pain I will dump out the heads of those I had previously killed so they will then see me as the powerful god that I am. I will start massacring everyone on the street, spraying bullets at house parties and couples walking around. When I hear the cops coming I will drive off and hide somewhere in order to prepare for my own suicide. To end my life I will swallow xanax and vicodins with an ample amount of hard liquor. Immediately after this I will shoot myself in the head with two of my handguns simultaneously. If the gunshots don't kill me, the deadly mixture of drugs will. I will not suffer being captured and sent to prison. Nothing can go wrong in this plan. It must be perfect. This has now become my sole purpose on this earth. My plans will come to fruition and I must not let anyone stop me. During the last few weeks of my life I tried to experience as much of the world as I could before I die. Upon doing this, I realized that the only world I can possibly ever experience is a twisted one of constant suffering. Everywhere I go I face reminders of what I have lacked in my life. I cannot go anywhere without seeing a young couple that would make me feel envious and outraged. How dare these girls give their love and sex to these men and not me. There is nowhere I can go in the world anymore. I am not part of the human race. Humanity has rejected me. The females of the human species have never wanted to mate with me. I now know why. I am more than human and superior to them all. Magnificent, glorious, supreme, eminent and divine. I am the closest there is to a living god. Humanity is a disgusting, depraved and evil species. I will purify the world of everything that is wrong with it. On the Day of Retribution I will truly be a powerful god, punishing everyone I deem to be impure and depraved. EPILOGUE: The ultimate evil behind sexuality is the human female. They are the main instigators of sex. They control which men get it and which men don't. There is something wrong with how their brains are wired. They are beasts and incapable of having morals and thinking rationally. They are completely controlled by their vile sexual impulses. The most beautiful women choose to mate with the most brutal of men, instead of magnificent gentlemen like myself. Women should not have the right to choose who to breed with, that decision should be left up to rational men of intelligence. Women are like a plague, they don't deserve to have rights. Their wickedness must be contained in order to prevent future generations from falling to degeneracy. Women are vicious, evil, barbaric animals, and they need to be treated as such. In an ideal world sexuality would not exist because it would be outlawed. Men could grow up without having to worry about sex. In order to abolish sex we would need to abolish women. Quarantined like the plague they are governed under a supreme ruler, like myself. Future generations of men will not know about women because they will not exist, and their desire for sex will go away. Sexuality will cease to exist, as will love. The minds of men will be able to attain greater heights without these interferences. The same question you will ask of me after the Day of Retribution I ask myself...why did it have to be this way? Why did I have to suffer and be condemned to misery and worthlessness while other men were able to experience pleasure. Everything you ask of me I will ask of you. I am the good guy. When humanity struck at me by condemning me to experience such suffering I never asked for this. I didn't start this war. I didn't strike first but I will finish it by striking back. I will punish everyone. And it will be beautiful. Finally I can show the world my true worth.

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Your fixation began with the collapsing of the Twin Towers, and the hour or so of watching small black specs of falling debris and wondering at the time if those were people falling to their deaths, not thinking such an act of suicide was possible. Wondering how long the free fall took and how far off target their bodies would hit, and what kind of splash footprint would their high speed bodies cause, or would it be a minimal spattering of blood and bones into city concrete or onto abandoned cars. In the immediate days after there was a collective national grief. In NYC the rawness had people out in the streets, wide awake in parks for all night vigils holding signs with pictures of missing loved ones, as the rest of America watched full knowing there were no survivors. After 72 hours you weren't going to find your loved one wandering confused and lost in the streets. Most of these folks were later confirmed dead through DNA matching of their shredded body parts in New Jersey landfills where the FBI sorted through remains matching up to samples that family members brought in, mostly toothbrushes and hairbrushes.

Unilineal history similar to arrested development permits for the admission that historic progress relapses into narrative mythology, with the idea that the arrival to a post-history world coincides with the knocking on the door of a post-reflective world. It became about growing up organically and unplanned, with an emphasis on universalism. Lost in the vernacular can be a pastiche for parody and other abstract functionalists, but when the machines came alive the guard was let down, and thus the legitimizing of the new status quo.

147. To start with, there are techniques of surveillance. Hidden video cameras are now used in most stores and in many other places, computers are used to collect and process vast amounts of information about individuals. Information obtained greatly increases the effectiveness of physical coercion (ie, law enforcement). Then there are the methods of propaganda, for which the mass communication media provide effective vehicles. Efficient techniques have been developed for winning elections, selling products, influencing public opinion. The entertainment industry serves as an important psychological tool of the system, possibly even when it is dishing out large amounts of sex and violence. Entertainment provides modern man with an essential means of escape. While absorbed in television, videos, etc, he can forget stress, anxiety, frustration, dissatisfaction. Many primitive peoples, when they don't have work to do, are quite content to sit for hours at a time doing nothing at all, because they are at peace with themselves and their world. (T. Kaczynski, 1995)

There is comfort in too many thoughts, like the distraction of a coffee cup and the idea that its purpose is to hold coffee or some other hot beverage, or the empty ashtray that is awaiting its usefulness when someone decides to distinguish their cigarette, in the meantime it lays in wait until that moment. Dozens of interconnected things at play, while closing your eyes helps in the sorting of their relatedness, furthering to dull the impulsive thinking that the person you are talking to is mirroring you by crossing their legs as well or if you were to adjust your right elbow they would do the same. These are the actions of how you remember her. And the feelings return as symbols and remarkable extracts from conversation, what some would call tidbits but you prefer to call highlights, these can go way back to the age of four. From zero to four was a blank time in your memory, then in the subsequent years there were a half dozen or so remarkable conversations that stuck with you, something as non eventful as a teacher in kindergarten walking you to the bathroom stall telling you that you can do the rest on your own, or when your 8th grade teacher told you that the Space Shuttle had exploded. When you saw the news coverage on the wheeled-in TV you couldn't make sense of it. Some of the kids looked away, playing with their pencils or crumbling erasers, whispering jokes to one another. It was either they were dead inside or deploying coping avoidance tactics they had learned earlier in life.

At times it seems someone is speaking thoughts into your mind, and a subsequent self-consciousness pushes you to deny these thoughts as they are not organically yours, but seeded by someone else with their own agenda. When this occurs it causes a lack of concentration because you are multitasking too much. In these moments there is a dusting of paranoia that others are thinking poorly of you, a passing person in the grocery store may be disgusted by your appearance, or the pharmacist behind the counter has accessed your prescription history and thinks you are a sick motherfucker. It might be a sprinkling of marketing propaganda to get you to suddenly feel the need to own a certain product then fixate on this until you find it for the best price online, buy it and then eagerly await its arrival. Or it's the wafting alleyway smell of feces that triggers some homicidal intent.

EXCLUSIVE: A MAN REFERRED to as the "Tortilla Flats Killer" is wanted for the murders of several unsolved homicides in the unincorporated area of the city. The victims tend to be young Mexican nationals who are undocumented. Their stories begin and end the same, with their day starting off like any other with early arrival at their respective work then after a long day, in the respite of some quiet moments, they are killed. Often the scene of carnage is staged as a suicide or muder-suicide. Usually their small children are waiting for them at home and their bodies are not found until the next day. Can it be the work of a homicidal psychopath or someone evoking their own sense of vigilante justice on the illegal community? Rumors have swirled about ties to the cartels and a counterfeiting ring. To date, the authorities have claimed there is no DNA evidence to work with, that the crime scenes are "remarkably" clean. There have been called-in tips that describe the killer as a small Latino man to a tall blonde "American-looking gentleman." What we do know at this point is that the detectives do not have much to work with. The Mexican Consulate has asked this journalist to report deeper on the stories and to keep it newsworthy in the English-speaking media. Any and all tips are welcome.

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All of history consisted of class struggle and no historical perspective can be made without the mention of it. In the earliest of epochs there were subordinates and their gradations. You could never have feudal lords without serfs and you could never have knights without slaves. The entire goal all along was to simplify and minimize the class antagonism in order to convey a sense that class isn't really there. Now with woke America's spotlight on this people are angry and the bourgeoisie era may be coming to a close. The end could begin with the discovery of America, as it gave way to commerce and navigation, leading to impulses never known, and thereby a revolutionary element.

There is memory loss of reality in the hypermodernism amnesiac zone, that hyperreal burden of processing the simulation amid a digestive inertia. All of the information in the world at your fingertips is a deceitful fraud, and that self-satisfaction leads to the voiding of contemplation. When the most triggering event is idle chatter, and any presupposed intellectual progress is on the verge of metal implosion.

Online you are free to project only what you desire others to see, as you are afforded relative pseudonymity because of the ether element, while embracing a more uninhibited computer-mediated communication. Subverting gender, class, race and distance, there is flexibility with a virtual personae and liberation in the multiplicity of all aspects of self. A resilience that stems from adaptability with inherent coherence and continuity while talk of virtual malfeasance is in the lore of a disinhibition effect of physical safety. Freedom to express hostility while promoting intimacy, even flaming out, with name calling and hostile comments. Within the safety of distance there is a sanctioning of physical violence to the textual forms of resentments in these uninhibited manners. Before this, feudal ties bound men from idyllic situations to the role of second place to their natural superiors, those of the most righteous indignation and chivalrous enthusiasm, whose trade for cash was your time in a twisted egotistical calculation that drowned out the religious fervor. Veiled by political illusion as a brutal and shameless exploitation, when you removed the halo and with it any remaining hitherto honor, for you were no longer looked up to with reverential awe. The honor and vigor of the Middle Ages, of the Crusades, now reduced to the political illusion of the further exploitation of man.

The end of the world has been predicted for millennia, usually with dates carefully calculated from astronomical events or some historical disaster then combined with an ominous trigger like the number 666 or intricate bible passage manipulations. Politicians like to put 12 years until our collective end, this number sounds fearful but far enough away that it's not of immediate concern. Christopher Columbus predicted the end of the world for the mid-1600s which was 150 years after his own death. The Second Coming was popular for 2000, which fed into Y2K hysteria and panic that never came about. Saying that the world is "ending soon" allows for enough vagueness without having to set a specific date, while the fervor and sincerity of convictions by the followers will be enough for media coverage and to spurn a wider belief in the chosen narrative.

You want so badly to feel like the others, and get over feeling like an uninitiated neophyte. When you do make your way into the public realm you feel like a beginner at life. Like you are cursed with some terrible affliction or disease that makes you feel different inside.

A gift of middle age is not being so easily gaslit by the youth with their Dunning-Kruger ineffectiveness and oppositional defiance that is put forth with a dogmatic verve, that under certain conditions could be spell-like but for you now it's nothing more than an idiotic take on how not to do something or what not to believe in.

Hierophany is the process by which people experience the sacred. Specific times and places may be identified as holy, like designated holidays or sites. This could be certain locations like memorials or mosques. In order for there to be a sacred element there need be a profane counter, as the entirety of the world can be defined by these human experiences existing on a continuum, with ranking and coding determining the fundamental distinctions. When humans were separated from their gods, all that was left was the desire to reconnect with their creator and this is only possible through ritual and mercy despite an intimacy required to face such exaltation.

Jack the Ripper, as a moniker, came about when someone wrote a letter to a newspaper claiming to be him. London papers ran with the name even though it is now believed to have been a hoax. This mystery man lives on in a folklore referred to as Ripperology, the high-minded analysis and study of the series of murders committed on women who had sex for money.

1996 saw the first "virtual rape," which, at the time, was called a "rape in cyberspace." The scene was nothing more than a chatroom of a dozen people who had witnessed one member flame out. His heightened frustrations manifested into an online assault. Unregulated by societal norms because of his newfound anonymity within the safety of the ether, he was further prodded into attacking a female member, violating her with unspeakable words. He left in his wake a "virtual carnage." The assault lasted half an hour. In the years since, efforts have been made to dissect the rage he was able to emote through the screen and its real-life and immediate effect on those who were witness to it all.

Theodicies are the religious explanations for the presence of evil and the perennial concern for the existence of suffering. The inescapable fact of death and how we organize life with this inconvenient factor in mind. Framing evil around the collective lives and societal boundaries, while encouraging righteous suffering and the easiest way out. Embedded into the universe this leaves no one untouched, as there is hope in the struggle itself, and ever present social oppression adds to the mystery element.

It could be considered a euphoria dysmorphia, a higher state of exhilaration and when people speak their words it takes on new meanings, somehow making sense and bringing a closer connection as humans with a shared struggle. Sensitivities sharpened resulting in a glint of imposing insignificance of self, and a cacophony of peak experiences inviting an upsurge of loveliness with deep moving illumination for new awareness amid the vivid and exquisite calm.

The slight limp of a stranger walking ahead of you on the sidewalk (preferably an attractive female), and the impulse to ask what happened, as if it's a muted signal for you to show your concern by inquiring about the incident or the birth defect or other health-related condition, and the resulting compassion that may lead to a friendship or the ever-possible sexual liaison. When you are looking at a stranger and they look up at you, that moment when eyes lock, the sometimes awkward smile, or no reaction at all, can leave in your mind an engraving of their face, like a polaroid snapshot that takes a few minutes to fully develop but is now forever burned into your memory. You surprise yourself with how much you can take in and process so diligently. When someone speaks to you the fast work to understand what words really mean and within what context, if perhaps the speaker is using the incorrect word to emote a feeling or if you can shift your attention to other aspects of their being, like appearance or fuckability. Distracted you come back to the dialogue after having lost track in the pace of an endless barrage of words strung together but still making no sense.

Social hierarchies exist within the internet, and sub-categorically there are restrictions and oppressions, similar to the real world but way less regulated and without the possibility to enforce any kind of community standards pre-loaded for appeal to the masses. Void of public punishment, errant members can reinvent themselves into new manifestations and as many times as they choose. For those indolent souls who take pleasure in dogmatically punishing strangers there is the "blasting" of folks and their missteps or revelations, anything that they can feed to the trolls to get the mob worked up. It could involve doxxing (the revelation of their personal info), or an emotional attack on their appearance, or at least the appearance they have chosen to go with for their online personae. The practice is rooted in what was originally referred to as charivari, a medieval tradition of public square ridicule and taunting. Blasting disobedient or adulterous wives, or gold diggers in the form of younger men marrying wealthy sugar mamas that were widowed with small fortunes. Anything that could be labeled as haters gonna hate yet embedded in the raw core of jealousy. Your virtual manifestation of self at the mercy of the mob, putting it all out there for the degradation and a nod to the medieval.

Elieen skipped the gym tonight and you are not mad at her for this, she is in the best shape she can be for her age and ethno-demographic, because if she wasn't in show business she would be twenty pounds heavier, and you cannot fault a woman who hasn't given in and succumbed to the societal norm of overweight acceptance. It is hard to stay thin and she should be acknowledged for her efforts. A day off from the gym does not concern you.

In the half light of twilight is when you imagine they will strike, the Al Qaeda operatives who roll up in Subarus and jump out of the slow-rolling cars with AK-47s and bandana-covered faces. Their identities concealed because they know there will be some survivors, as there is no chance to take out everyone in an American mall. They would enter the main entrance while their insider operatives, kids who they paid off with bags of marijuana, would lock the exit doors. Another 911 call from the mall will produce a similar apathetic response. The shooters will take out several hundred in the initial burst of gunfire. They will move through the retail spaces like puppets on invisible strings. Shoppers will be playing dead at this point even though the children will be crying and screaming. It will turn out to be the worst American nightmare, with fear instilled of shopping in a public space it will be the final nail into the retail apocalypse. Conspiracy folks will theorize Bezos was behind it. A stand off will ensue. It will last 24 hours before the spectacular deaths of the terrorists through a gas agent. The response by local Sheriffs will be condemned as too militant and possibly illegal according to the Geneva Convention. The death toll will remain unknown for weeks but speculated as well into the hundreds.

Visual stimuli can demand that you put together the independence of each part into the whole, so when you see a woman, you look at her face and see her eyes, then her nose, then her lips and teeth, assembling the details together into one piece. You further examine her upper torso for breasts, and a thinning waist to hips and then the attached legs that support her frame. You might glance back at her neck for the void of an adam's apple, then to her hands for that feminine divine signature of long and nimble fingers. This isn't you creeping on her but taking steps to ensure she is authentically a woman. To know what you are working with. For you at this point she is nothing more than a mannequin of sorts. In order to establish contact you must break the wall that divides you, this may be through vocalizing, or a slight brushing of her skin. There is uneasiness and the potential for completely shutting down.

In dysfunctional families you may not learn ways to express your feelings as your parents were uncomfortable with their own emotions and there was not a model for healthy behavior. Don't trust others becomes a family motto. Don't feel almost becomes a family crest message that emboldens you to double down on the desire to further bury your feelings. Later in life you learn that your only outlet is through addictive or compulsive behavior. You are left with boundary deficiencies, and a detachment over control. Your deeper core issues are magnified by the needs and wants of others, perpetually keeping you down.

If you are to make contact with her you must break down each detail of what you are about to say and the response to every comment you make and where that response may take the conversation and then your attempts at getting the conversation back on track, circling toward what you originally intended for both of you and not allowing for too many unknowns in what she may respond. In building up this picture, a dada-esque collage of where she may take you in the first few words of your discourse, it is best if you remain calm and allow for it to play itself out organically, without interjecting some out-of-context response that could sidetrack or derail the conversation. Let her take you where she wants to take you.

Within talk of End Times there are three components to the prophecy. The idea of fatalism and the resulting apathy for resolving problems like AIDS or Ebola or financial apocalypse, most commonly in the form of personal bankruptcy. Politicians like this the most, as a means for the public to just let it all go. Then there is fanaticism which is the driver for people predicting the end while always, at least to date, being wrong. Predicting the return of Jesus is left to God's terms. Simply because something is inevitable doesn't mean it's imminent. And finally cynicism comes along to shadow any discussion of end times. You cannot have prophecy without dismissal by haters or non-believers, while anything other than accepting His return is you being intellectually dishonest with His words from the Mount of Olives.

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Online porno is available for download from the entire global network. Stimulation of your erogenous zones is produced in the quantum leap jumping off point of reality to the block chain idealization of a more beautiful or sexually talented partner(s). Short-lived enjoyment in the solitary online experience with long-ago recorded live action by actors participating with your present thrill as the end goal, lacking of commitment and a certain uninvolvement brings safety to the equation, with the cybersex providing a needed comfort for your panic-ridden angst.

A bellwether for a more fluid future was a little known masturbation device called the fleshlight. A technological innovation of the 1990s composed of the lips, vagina, even anus, of porn stars with their own body parts exquisitely molded and disembodied for your pleasure. Consisting of an intrinsic detail to ridges, nodules, corkscrew shapes and other details of any and all vaginal canals, mouth, throat or anal cavity, nothing could beat the intersection of technology and sex as well as serving as an alternative to sex robots. In the reproduction of organs that are intended to reproduce, your pleasings are detached from the rest of the female, as technology becomes an inseparable part of sex. How it works: consisting of a plastic tube casing with an internal soft sleeve you insert your erect penis, along with some form of lube, into one end, grip the ridges of the exterior casing and stroke your penis through the sleeve. Essentially you have sex with it, come in it and unscrew the entire apparatus and rinse it out with water and dry it. Using soap can degrade the material. Viewed as the sex part of a functional female mannequin, something detached for the sole purpose of getting off, you make the fantasy work by imagining the rest of her phantom full body for the duration. Artificial vaginas date back to the 1600s in Japan. Early prototypes consisted of tortoise shell and velvet. In the abstract, the disembodied most intimate female body part can be seen as a piece of art. With the birth of the American pocket pussy coinciding with the heyday of AIDS, mutual masturbation became all the rage. Beating off was suddenly cool. People were comfortable talking about it. These devices picked up momentum with the disabled crowd, primarily the cerebral palsy set who complained of an inability to find actual sexual partners, but more frustratingly an incapacity to really work their hands. They were used to deal with loneliness, and parents began to gift them to their children. Another market opened up with the Cooper's Childhood Phimosis crowd, those whose foreskin would overtighten and hard-ons couldn't fully develop and/or were painful. The only remedy being adult circumcision which often left limited sensitivity, this is where the fleshlight helped retrain the penis to feel pleasure again. The final big market is for those on military deployment, although what tends to happen is the fleshlights are shared among the troops, which leads to quicker obsolescence and less new sales. Proprietary materials and biodegradable designs of skin-like materials, amorphous polymers, and thermoplastic patents, they can be over-engineered and feel too velvety, almost like sex with a neo-vagina on a trans-female. Engineering-wise, the constant battle is to make it feel sticky, and how to get that perfect level. 3D cameras photograph the models from the backside, with them on all fours, and the final product is hand-sculpted. Like dildos before them, fleshlights can be seen as a threat. A man with his favorite fleshlight signals a strong message that women are not needed in his life, and without the mandatory pull of a feminine presence in his world what is the use for actual women? There is a self-sufficiency iteration to it if the shame can somehow be wiped away. There can be some form of rejoice in your favorite toy and an independence in getting off by tools versus years of having your hands do the work. The final advent is the addition of virtual reality (VR) to the interactive element of the device. An automation that will sync motorized movement with your interactive porn of choice. A massive sleeve that rests upon the crotch, no bigger than a champagne chiller, which will then move down and up in rhythm with the actor on the screen. There is a transcending quality to the physical experience, even when there are limits to what your body can do. In the fog of VR you can better embody who you want to be, because there are no limits in the virtual environments. When you are inside a stroker-bot you lose a bit of your identity, and become less binary and more openly fluid. There can be a neutrality to the concept of enhancement as it's not about replacing anything, it's about becoming something new and authentic.

Your concept of self is the most comprehensive idea of order, encompassing tone, character, moral and aesthetic style, with mood as the underlying attitude about yourself reflecting back at the world. Myths can inform your audience that you are not just a model of reality but a model for reality. The cosmogony of you, of how and why you were created links the blueprint of your accomplishments and any reversions to sway from the chaos. Explanations for the implications of daily life and the reaction when faced down with the immutable truths of your online presentation and the rituals behind the demonstration.

In the late 1960s four men and three women were killed by an unknown murderer who roamed Northern California. He wrote letters to newspapers which included cryptograms that he claimed would reveal his identity, signing off with the pen name Zodiac. He demanded his letters be published on the cover of local newspapers or he would keep killing. Whenever there was speculation that these letters were indeed hoaxes, he would write back with immense detail of the murder scenes, facts that only the killer and the authorities would know. Over the years there have been many deathbed confessions by folks claiming to be the Zodiac killer but nothing solid enough to be pursued by the authorities. These murder cases are still open today.

In the magnified thinking you are parking words in various spots in your brain for use later in a more aligned discourse to project yourself as smarter, or even funnier, something that can be used to describe yourself when strangers talk about you to one another and share a small laugh from a shared idea of how interesting you are or intriguing in the way you delay your responses, like there is something even more profound about to come out of your mouth at any given moment. Remember, the funniest people are usually the smartest. And women like funny men, don't they? They don't need a stand up comic, just like they don't need a bodybuilder. Someone in shape with a sense of humor will do. Most of the time you analyze too deeply the thought patterns that went into establishing such ruminations or the susceptible relatedness to the ideas that have fermented the impairments that led to now.

II.

STAGNATION

VERSUS

GENERATIVITY

A sense of sustained guidance is a required obligation from one generation to the next one below it to convey a sense of urgency with regard to creativity, productivity and viewership, with an ego-expansion in activities like sex, and the heightened mind level from the meeting of bodies. Libidinal investment begets more results, something better for the individual and society in general. The lack of such undertakings leads to an obsessive-compulsion for a pseudo-intimacy, which may pervade the individual's mind, swimming and permeating into a sea of sexual stagnation. The danger in this is a false sense of what the individual is now seeking with a lessening of self-concern over the goal of getting the sex act to take place, and in this newfound psychosexual dynamic is a strenuous self-made angst based on fantasies set up from the over-consumption of porn. A strenuous belief in fantasy that is the result of a retardation of self-love development, as there are few safeguards to the lonely and anonymous activity of watching others have sex on a screen. Expectations are distorted by the gaslighting effect of production value and actors with exaggerated or intriguing sex parts that will set up dissatisfaction for anything IRL.

An envy arrives when you see others who appear to have their lives together. It could be in the manifestation of addictions at bay, or better health than you, even a relationship that is not necessarily perfect but anything unlike yours. A grass is greener concept manifesting itself as a reminder to check yourself against the stark reality versus the highlight reel you are consuming, knowing that no matter how attractive a woman is there is a man somewhere tired of her shit, maybe even physically disgusted by her. And that health nut who projects a holier-than-thou air is likely hiding a pill or other substance addiction.

In lower animals, it is easier to study their evolution as they have many more generations and added challenges of adjustment within ever-changing man-made conditions. This is why there can be mass extinctions of certain animals, even the constant talk of pending extinction, because it's always as if some grouping is on the verge of becoming extinct. Evolution for new varieties exist in flowers, fruits and plants. Man-propagated changes instill the wonderment of why humans cannot be improved through artifice while time continues to tick during vast stretches.

"Isolation from friends and family. Lack of face-to-face relationships. Sleep disturbances. Unhealthy diet and poor personal hygiene. Irritability when not online. Our comprehensive program begins with an individual assessment that factors your psychological vulnerabilities. This will address how predisposed you are to addictive behavior. Any and all factors that can underlie and fuel the addiction with deep dives into family and personal history. Essentially what void are you trying to fill with being online? From there we will design for you an individual treatment plan. Sustainable change can come about when you are fully unplugged after wilderness therapy and other recommended techniques that will be implemented and unique to your journey." The Luddite Society for Ambient Addiction

Spiritual deception is big within the Second Coming circles. Religious charlatans going after the spiritually gullible has occurred throughout history and during every important stage in time. Once people turn from the truth they will follow anyone who speaks with conviction and promises to solve their problems for them. Solidifying this concept is when false prophets claim they come in the name of Jesus. With this declaration their actions become fully sanctioned. Add to this some international conflict or natural disaster and you have the trifecta. Furthering the narrative is the Rapture when the Lord Himself will descend with a shout and the chosen will ascend. Then a seven year term by the Antichrist as the world dictator, better known as the Tribulation. Finally, Armageddon which ends with the Second Coming of Christ. Many believe we are in the tribulation stage now, yet every generation in their own narcissism thinks the end is near.

In the late 1980s in the Pacific Northwest a college girl reported being the victim of incessant death threats via telephone calls. She added that when she looked out her dorm window she would see a stranger lurking, watching her from the trees. Campus authorities wiretapped her phone line and discovered no calls were taking place. When on a date with her boyfriend she claimed to be held against her will in the restroom by a stranger who inserted a gun into her vagina. A medical examination revealed some damage to the edging of her labia majora. Her final major event involved going missing after being abducted while coming home from the library. The FBI got involved and, after profiling her, requested that her father make a mediated plea for her release, so he went on television and tearfully pled to her abductor(s) for her to "just come home." The next day she staggered back onto campus, disheveled, saying she had escaped her captors. This event was predicted by the authorities, as her grades had been in decline and there was a recent documented abortion, the profilers could see the stability in her life falling apart. She had even begged a male teacher to improve her grade in exchange for "whatever" he wanted. After a thorough interview with her she confessed to making it all up in order to "get some rest."

In the disconnect of online activity, there is a freedom to obscure aspects of self, and subsequently to re-create a new expression which can result in different outcomes that can only be experienced off-line. Freed from the confines of actuality, away from the social cues, left to explore and discover new intimacies. An unanchored state, socially adrift, with freedom uprooted to participate with anyone and at anytime. Without trust as a factor in the game, the folklore of cyberspace affording an identity fluidity within the ephemeral so that reinvention can become you.

159. Will public resistance prevent the introduction of technological control of human behavior? It certainly would if an attempt were made to introduce such control all at once. But since technological control will be introduced through a long sequence of small advances, there will be no rational and effective public resistance. (T. Kaczynski, 1995)

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It can come out later that survivors perhaps enjoyed the abuse they experienced, and that covertly they may have been instigating repetitions of these experiences in order to somehow gain the feelings back. Maybe it is because there is comfort in the known. Sex is a natural function and pleasure is an automatic response to stimulation, desired or not, therefore the survivor should not be blamed. Any appearance of an alter ego can be mistaken for a stranger.

Thrill arrives in the initial rush, that subsequent experience which is rarely recaptured. Warnings go unheeded as nobody is going to die from trying it, besides, when pleasure is involved nobody thinks about the abject pain. Alas, for anything of substance to continue you must consume a diet of increasingly small amounts, which results in binge activity for hours even days, mirroring a hospice bedside morphine drip line.

A shame-based identity for the sexually abused is about the unworthiness that follows these acts, somehow now dominating the entire identity and root causation for anxiety, even for being fearful of getting too close to others. With interpersonal bonds broken there is an opening for humiliation, family secrets, and trauma. An inability to trust sets in, splitting off and triggering the dissociation to occur, while you go numb, check out, and appear to be dead inside. Where did you go? Are you still with me?

Shared behavior among a group is called culture, and when members find difficulty in breaking away from their group's limitations, this is from cultural binding. Because membership defines who you are and your short-lived heritage, an emotional bond along with personal interests exist within the cohesion. It becomes problematic when one wants to associate with other groups, as you may be unaware of the conditioning you have already endured. This notion applies to the self-projected fiction, often that online persona that outside of its own sub-genre is vulnerable to exposure as fraudulent or part of the sea of ambient dishonesty.

You may have a moment where you are thinking clearly and desire to open your mouth to address a person without any premeditation. To start off with something innocuous but mid-sentence the words suggested to you now have been swapped and what comes out is contradictory to your intent. The deserting thoughts leaving you confused, as you tell a woman that you find her tits to be her best feature or how you ask her to turn around and slightly bend forward so you can see what you are working with. In this kind of trance it is easy to think it's only you, but this happens to others. Short pauses of the mind shutting down, of being too full to take in new thoughts, with an ambivalent disappearance of any organizational thinking. Roadblocks are set up to stop thoughts from becoming actions, that impulse to grab both breasts through the sweater and bra, or to reach around to cup the right ass cheek. Better safeguards for your undoing.

False hype among the believers and non-believers. Events and stories that go uncorrected by culture or sensory experience, for we always misinterpret the same. That signal fire from the static on the TV set to the wrong channel by design. Random events synced up as warning signs for what certainly is coming for you. The surveillance from the van parked across the street or the heads up from the stranger who quietly coughs twice when passing you by. The system is integrated and mysterious by design, yet results in a newly found collective stardom.

In 1971 a Boeing 727 was hijacked mid-flight between Seattle and Portland by a mystery man who checked in as Dan Cooper, later to be referred to as DB Cooper by the media. Once the plane had reached cruising altitude--and after ordering a drink and smoking a cigarette--he handed a note to the stewardess saying that he had a bomb and was demanding "negotiable American currency" and four parachutes. The flight landed and the plane was emptied of passengers and $200,000 was loaded along with the parachutes. Per his request, the rear door of the plane was left open upon take off. Somewhere over the Pacific Northwest he parachuted out into the evening sky. He was never found and the only traces of the event were bricks of cash found in forest creek beds. Many individuals on their deathbeds have claimed to be DB Cooper. The most plausible was a WWII paratrooper that paid cash for a house months after the hijacking.

When you wake to unwanted thoughts of having murdered someone you are irritated and must stare at the wall for an extended moment to process if anything that you are thinking of has actually taken place. Then a delayed building up of your nerves in order to check your phone for recent activity, the call logs and messages that can clue you into why you are suddenly homicidal. When the urge of murderous intuition fades you can begin your day. What you prefer in newscasters is that fresh element of healthy skin with a high-def vibrancy projected for their viewers. This opposed to killing homeless women or third-generation hookers. Messages that bypass your phone and go directly to your brain, the loud signaling of unpleasant associations, taking you back to some kind of default factory setting. Maybe this is for the best, to ground you every time you begin to get too full of yourself. Thought forms created to focus the energy in your mind toward a better manifestation, something the New Age folks call Laws of Attraction that you refer to as charm, and you either have it or you don't and yours is used to your advantage.

Crime can be controlled through theology, with an idealized image of the patriarchal family administering punishment through parental discipline, starting with a gentle warning then escalating to reprimands in the form of severe punishment. There is a proxy learning of correct behavior through wisdom handed down and if bad behavior is to continue then more unpleasant punishments. Reintegrative shaming as a way that family handles those who break the rules. Most of real world crime does not fall into the definitions of familial structure as there are those so alienated from society that they are immune to deterrents and can only be treated through mental or physical imprisonment.

Zero-consciousness was invented along with the internet in the newfound ability to create personal collages of what to digitally digest, and in this auto-creation the amnesiac spectacle of what to reject. A symptom of impatience without depth and the waning recession of reality, then the deepening anxiety amid catastrophic change, when acceleration becomes the status quo. Forward movement as a panic term, as life unfolds at high speed without a reference to foreseeable end times. A continually renovated virtuosity that assures everything but mental stability, focus, and clarity. The higher cost of sell-by dates and the destruction of the permanent present which eventually swallowed itself whole.

Confidence is merely the feeling that comes about when you can rely on someone, and in the case of self-confidence that someone is yourself. Most actors lean on fantasy to get them through real life, banking on their looks or charms. But sometimes the character you need to portray is just outside of your reach and any authentic portrayal results in you as an actor feeling nothing, because when there is emotional sensitivity there is mediocrity. Becoming removed from the performance can be an important criteria for your audience. Identification and empathy are components of the emotional expression while dual consciousness will not permit the actor to play the same role twice. Only those who completely master themselves can offer a sustained and consistent performance, lending a sense of reliability to their audience. The complete actor will imitate the inner model of the described character obeying rules of convention, as this illusion becomes yours all alone.

Then I saw an angel standing in the sun; and he cried with a loud voice, saying to all the birds that fly in the midst of heaven, "Come and gather together for the supper of the great God, that you may eat the flesh of kings, the flesh of captains, the flesh of mighty men, the flesh of horses and of those who sit on them, and the flesh of all people, free and slave, both small and great"...And all the birds were filled with their flesh. (Revelation 19:17-18, 21)

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Generation X's most exalted moments may have peaked in the mid-1990s but only because the world moved so fast. From the analog to the digital, the cultural landscape went from neon and abstract to muted grunge and expressed pain. The suicide of Kurt Cobain brought back the untimely deaths of accepted idols, something nobody had talked about since the sixties. Gen X didn't love stuff and they didn't lionize their celebrities. They disliked technology and corporate bullshit. They wouldn't buy what was being sold to them. Instead of free love there was a fear of AIDS. Quietly they made sure America was cool, while the president was getting rimmed by a future icon of the generation. They could see through the falsities and align themselves with something more authentic and transparent, a seeking out of realness as the mission statement, by the smallest of modern generations, made up of big thinkers unafraid to forge new paths.

Possessing elements of paranoia is good for survival value. Coworkers may be reading your emails not out of curiosity but because they want your job, and they are collecting research to ultimately uproot you. The FBI may have you under surveillance for the comment you made on a social platform last year about the simplicity of building an effective street bomb. Local PD may have a detective assigned to your movements based off your name being anonymously tipped to the authorities as a potential mosque shooter because of an anti-Islamic manifesto you published under a pseudonym. There is a persecution of beliefs involved, some may call it a brain disease, but the afflicted know it is a heightened sense of awareness, much like any super power. Enemies actively trying to interfere with your activities, and if somehow you are killed in the process they would be fine with that. If they get too close you will have no choice but to strike first, and after the onslaught of battle, of your own right at self-defense, it will be excused off as mere delusions of grandeur.

There are those who have allowed themselves to lapse into a subjective mindframe, something set in the inability to grasp specialness, while everything in their minds is reduced to the same leveling, because when life becomes about presentation nothing is held back from public view, and the honesty in the showtime eliminates differing spheres of value. Analog vision allows you to see the repetition of days as a rhythm, that you are getting somewhere and not just killing time. In the endless succession of leisure days and time spent doing nothing of substance you return to the traditional belief that by suppressing sacred vision you suppress the meaning of life. And the electrical impulses that leap across the mind's synapses are the only relevant items at play behind the curtain. Removed from reality it provides for resolution and recognition, and the conversion of bedtime stories to that very adult presentation of self. The mistake in equating mystery with meaning, and the psychological conviction of taking poetry out of life, when all that remains is the adoration from your audience.

UNINCORPORATED PART OF TOWN--An unidentified teen was fatally shot in the unincorporated area of the city known as Tortilla Flats. Authorities have said the victim is a female 16 year old 10th grader. A male minor who appears to have been with her at the time was injured in the shooting. More details as the story develops.

A fixed permanence of self is crucial in offline accountability which is required for social exchanges, because without it there are no motivations for responsibility. This lends to the argument that being online is a fragmenting experience so it must therefore be dangerous. Freedom of being in cyberspace obscures the authentic self and allows for multiple expressions within the greater exploration. In this re-creation of the digital self lies the potential for confusion often resulting in the possibility for disintegration and a semi-violence from betrayal.

Your penis may give off an air of good looks and that of well-developed male part, but to really get to know it one needs to be within close proximity, for an extended amount of time, allowing for the entire vibe, that periodic swelling, twitching, and shifting in blow flow to and fro, an impression without the distortion of second- or third-hand storytelling, or the magical misrepresentation of close-up high definition camera shots that portray a larger than life appendage.

The porn world's portrayal of the most idealized bodies establishes the jumping off point where you come into the equation with your own body image, or quite possibly body dissatisfaction. There can be lower self-esteem and discontent due to body self-consciousness, namely penis size or the outward appearance of one's vagina. This of course is in striked comparison to the actors on the screen. Such movements like the now-mainstream complete removal of pubic hair is in direct correlation to the porno aesthetic. As well, an increase in manscaping as a way for the penis to appear larger and no longer encumbered by a mass of unnecessary pubic hair. The most sought after plastic surgery procedure has been the vaginoplasty (the surgical reconstruction of the vagina, often consisting of the removal of excessive labia) as the porno ideal is a "neater" or "tightened up" presentation of the vagina. One could argue that with the plethora of pornography and thus the varying amount of body types that one could see something of themselves in the actors. However the disconnect exists in that these actors, who are mostly exhibitionists, may simply present themselves because of their own strong sense of body image. Furthermore there is the artifice of presentation, of close ups, widened angle lenses, expensive lighting, retakes and editing. All tricks that are not afforded to your own gynecological exam in a mirror.

Religious ecstasy in the manifestation of messianic fixations, the dominant euphoria that fluctuates with the feelings of weightlessness, when you have not really left your body but now you feel like you are floating. A manic retention of such feelings bottled up so you don't get out of the car, instead you remain inside with the windows up and the doors locked, taking in the world through limo tint.

She needs to know that it is normal what she is feeling yet this connection only happens in special moments, and as they are fleeting if she is not paying attention she will miss out on them, nothing more than abstract intentions at connectedness. Riding that intimacy is when you feel one with the other, a form of merging into your projections as you become the fabric of your other, while your breaths take on new meaning as they are no longer just for you.

A potential for the sudden flash of intimacy in any hurried moment. Passing in the streets, on a bus, walking past someone of interest at the mall. Then the moments when you did not engage and left a stranger for the better.

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A new sincerity came about with 9/11, a sort of meta-referentiality of detachments over cynicism, where we had to be more willing to go along with the narrative they spoonfed us, whether it be the government or mainstream media. After all, it is the govt/media cog that decides our levels of spirituality or how much we care about the environment. Hipsters with their badges of irony, beholden to hypothesizing that somehow young adult life can be sustained through the remainder of their days. In your own over-reach for nostalgic dreams, your pre-9/11 life seemed magical, so much so it was like it never happened. As if that day has always been part of our history and the jumping off point of this post-surveillance lifestyle. Reality shows, removing shoes at airports, the speakers in your kitchen that record your conversations and arguments. That HD camera on your phone and the manufactured desire to photograph yourself and share it to the network, with your semi-authenticity as a blindfold transmission of sincerity.

The visual mapping of the female erogenous zones through the camera frames, and the focus on sex organs and the contrasting of pelvic areas, then the panning to the bouncing breasts and back toward the penis penetrating the vagina, may consist of isolated shots of the female's face in rapturous capture, void of frontal shots of the male's face as he is operating the camera, while his anonymity is part of the voyeur's involvement. From the outlook of the production techniques the female is not involved in the recording and, without control of who will see the end product, she may even be under the impression that the video will be for private consumption. This is self-determined cybersex and lends to an authenticity of the female pleasure, even if only fleeting and manipulative. This visibility constructs a subjectivitation of the self, with the viewer making a distinction for a certain quality, or thrill from a peculiar fetish, amid the vastness of the entirety of the archived internet.

Homosexual domestic violence supports the minority stress model ideation that being in a minority carries with it an additional stress load, which can be further emboldened by internalized negative attitudes. The "double closet" phenomenon, when they are reluctant to report the abuse because they may not want their sexuality outed by the authorities. Often homosexuals, male or female, project their own negative feelings about themselves through violence onto their partners, with the receiver of the violence feeling that it may be justly deserved because of their own negative beliefs about themselves.

What the academics call "meta" is merely the hyper awareness while possessing a deliberateness toward the pulling down ebb of brain fog and other manufactured trances which exist in order to overcome you while synthesizing a slower withdrawal. Paralyses from being overwhelmed is a frightening prospect as this leads to walking in circles, maybe carrying on an internal conversation to drown out the noise, and when you find your lips are moving you freeze the movements to not come off as unhinged or in the final stages of unravel.

Assuming disinhibition exists in internet communication and in its consumption, the browsing element is more voyeuristic than anything else, with potential for implications of self that involve mental health in the tendencies to overemphasize an internet self versus a more authentic self. This comes about from the lack of face to face interaction and the overcompensating of a more idealized self resulting in deceiving internet relationships, those online strangers and catfish avatars who have deliberately misled who they are. There is a relatively large amount of information available to glean but you are left fighting a campaign of misinformation and without the proper tools any effort at the truth becomes salient.

Curators of their own aesthetic, Millennials have arrived at adulthood within the network so it's not surprising that they will defend their actions to protect their electronic kingdom, and ride or die the mantra that anything is still possible. In some ways the impossible has been made possible, and while their struggles are really new freedoms, online they are the custodians of an ever-evolving exquisite world.

Preoccupations of cognitive distortions can be all-consuming. Mild to severe cravings and subsequent deteriorations of socialized behavior, even when not engaged, becomes a constant fixation upon it, and the mood modification that arrives from what they refer to as a coping strategy, setting into an ebb and flow of the rush from the high or tranquilizing effect of going numb. Euphoria requiring an increased dosing because of the incoming heightened levels of tolerance, then the discontinued feelings and withdrawal symptoms of moodiness and irritability. While the intrapsychic conflict rides the jetstream of a more balanced patterning of control over the abstinence.

Ecstasy is the kind of pleasure that you intermittently chase after, similar to sexual release, as you want it so badly because it makes you feel complete, and something inherent in the makeup of your most core being. It takes on its extreme valuation in what you really love and how to get to that state of mind, you chase it as this external force, akin to the realm of gods, and when you fail to attain it your ordinary life seems hopeless. In the chase you become absent from your daily life. Small things that feed the hunger pangs go ignored, and then when you get the hit you obsess over sustaining the high, and because you are worried about the ending you miss out on the bliss.

Most people think that acting is pretending but in reality it is more about self-revelation. The best bring about the actor within to their performance, those experiences from their everyday selves, rather than unleashing some other persona. It's not so much about packing up the character but rather unwrapping it. We are all actors in the everyday, presenting ourselves to a moveable audience, after the initial presentation any re-play becomes more acting. You go about trying to convince for the illusion through authenticity, while tapping into memory.

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The Millennial shedding of owning, what Generation X excelled at with vast collections of CDs/DVDs/books that eventually emerged in the thrift store dustbins of history, gave way to the ethos of access as opposed to ownership. Consumption historically was tied to owning what you were to consume, but now there is a heightened, even manic, anxiety related to acquiring then holding onto things. Perhaps it is a rejection mind game, or the shift may be rooted in insecurities tied to the aged-out material possessions of the Boomers in their lives, with the potential reality for unwanted inheritance of family heirlooms.

If one has gone technically insane their world is still real but it has a different meaning and a newfound nuanced loneliness to the afflicted. Cataclysmic truths are not there for their taking, only an urgent attempt at the truth because they have been cut off by their insanity. They are alone and you are alone among them.

You could describe it like this: it is just you on an island and offshore is an enticing mist of pleasant vapors so you wade into the frigid waters to get closer. You begin to swim to it as now the clouds are moving further out to sea. When you can get close enough to touch it all of the nice feelings come about while any empty despair subsides, but then it moves further away from you. You swim harder for it, trying to get inside of it, meanwhile you are so far from shore you are too frightened to look back. It's when you are far out into the sea that you realize you may be at a point of no return, that turning back may not be an option, and that vapor cloud may be your last hope at sanity. This for you is what the internet has become.

Criteria for diagnosis: the auditory hallucination of two voices arguing, this is combined with the voice in your head, and the narrative running commentary on your mundane actions. Like a blowback reaction to where you decided to turn when walking into a store. There is a paranoiac assumption that these conversations are being broadcast to the public at large, via television, and that somehow commands are sent back to your brain to dictate your next movements. Referred to as delusions of perception, there might be further secret meanings to the term. Bizarre delusions can make sense within the context and comfort of certain subcultures, even within the group structure of those you may run with. Stalker talk is normalized within the stalking community. Talk of rape and entitled sex by government-funded sex workers is normal within the confines of incel chatrooms. It's how you respect and handle the subject outside of the contextual comfort of that larger conversation or dialogue with strangers.

Your artwork unfolds for the audience when the veil of instrumentation is lifted from the intended simulated emotions. As the actor distinguishes between what and how, the inspiration comes about in the performance and artificial composition. Spiritual process is in the baited trap of performer and audience and the actuality of the performance. Hollow tricks for the sake of being and the radiating of psychic lighting, that high point of illumination when the audience is there for you and you are there for them. All of the subplots and tension coming to fruition as your own advocacy becomes second nature.

It was with endearing intent when we once talked about keeping track of someone, like it was your effort at affection. Now it is shunned upon by society and if you are caught there is potential retribution and a stigmatization tied to your concerns. It could be argued that we shouldn't ignore our feelings and must tend to them on a very basic level, causing benefit for our passive recipients or better outcomes when we push through the discomfort.

You reminisce the times before political correctness, before self-censors came up with polite euphemisms to better explain difficult viewpoints while the opposition took these comments as dog whistles to rally their followers. Perhaps triggers for bigger ideas of stereotyping, like the famed Welfare Queen of yore, that imaginary single black mom being paid by the state. Maybe it's a bigger idea like a wall along the border, a logistical nightmare, at great cost and effort, instigated without much hope for actual completion but enough to awaken any low-grade racism. Well-hid land mines in conversations that pull you far left or far right, leaving no in-between stance. As if there are only dueling extreme viewpoints on every discussion topic, and the ultimate delineation determining that you are racist or something phobic because you do not see the world within the alignment of others.

In this storied world of tales being told with images and the advented reveal of sanctioned behind-the-scenes behavior are societal prescriptions of what we should--and can--look like. That heightened potential for a cleaner embodiment of self, with less of the pangs of guilt being played out publicly, and a more internalized execution in private. This messes with your visual literacy, influencing the levels of what you would normally tolerate beyond the community-specific norms to an alt- level of what you will accept. There is a loose vibe for this utopian ideal but an inherent disbelief in getting there, with truth in how you desire, in your own feelings of what makes your blood flow, amid a throttled release of this information because of a general uncomfortableness to sharing one's kink or fetish for say heavy set girls or mature ladies. The feedback loop of what you share and the response to it, whether positive or negative, builds into the cultural script and in the re-claiming a fresh re-write for the encouragement of something new or different. The practice of aimlessly sharing selfies can affect one's own impulse control and hinder the therapeutic embodiment of self-acceptance (even if distorted) and derail from any viable path toward truth. (Note: Self-shooters who control the visual narrative also control the analysis, and the activation of sexual scripting regardless of critical self-awareness.)

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I am a western chauvinist who refuses to apologize for creating the modern world are the only spoken words required to join. One could argue that chauvinism is nothing more than extreme patriotism with a mission to spread democracy and freedom. A push that all life has value and that the value is the same. A celebration of women who choose to be mothers and housewives, and an equal veneration of those who choose to have careers outside of the home. A priority on having families and seeking out good wives with the expectation to be good husbands and fathers. Because every discovery has come about because of capitalism there is honor for the entrepreneur. There is a seeking out of the most efficient solutions while filling in the voids where needed, in this is an opposition to the totalitarianism of communism and socialism as there is no reward toward the behavior of its followers.

Islamists view Christianity as an all-encompassing religion of the West and in this perspective they view Christianity as pervading throughout all western culture and civilization, much how Islamists incorporate Islam into everything, resulting in a distorted view that a certain blind non-secularization exists in the West, whereas in reality there is a pluralism and a majority for the secular. So when the followers of Islam see movies or advertisements they falsely believe it is Christianity propaganda. Since the Crusades, Islamists have viewed Christianity as their biggest threat. Within this structure of thought is the fact that Christians, as individuals, are easy targets, because they are soft and passive. Furthermore Westerners project weakness because of a heightened sense of tolerance, a true impression set forth from refusing to defend the culture of Christianity. An uneasiness comes about from the manipulation in secularist propaganda. An erosion of truth and wisdom from the brainwash factories of miseducation facilities indoctrinating kids into the party line. A slipping of integrity toward leaders and elders, a coarsening of culture from the release of predators, or flamed-up racial division, even a hatred for the sake of political division. When instability hits the critical mass the chaos will erupt with an insatiable greed. An epidemic for affliction resulting in tendencies for self-harm or self-disgust. When the trends collide society will further unravel amid the tangled difficulty of navigating to safety.

The internet, as a social phenomenon, grows out of your making then turns back into you, as it is fueled by those who participate within its social spectrum. A systematic set of beliefs are acted upon and further sustained by rituals and traditions. Any construct of this ethos may better define the taboo lines between what is inappropriate and acceptable behavior. Legitimate social order mirrors the fading guidelines of everyday life, and what emerges is a crisis of multiculturalism and modernism, an outline for implicit conventional means by which your relationship with the internet exists beyond the static. The advent of the digital world brought about competition for thought, and the context for contradictory participation in the revitalization of ancient traditions. A religious syncretism, nationalism, fundamentalism, and the seeds of civil war. Newly established communities through a sense of ambient acceptance began to promote chaos, and anything to facilitate a broader focus. The precipitated advent of this newfound tradition--the internet and the surfing of it--absorbed further exploring and the idea of coexisting for the betterment of the future.

You could see it in her blushing when there was the odd run-in at the gym. Brushing shoulders and the skin to skin contact felt good. She excused herself as if it was her fault but you insisted it was yours, that you weren't paying attention. She looked you in the eyes. She held her stare for what seemed like an eternity. What you have is undeniable and you sense she is coming around to it.

There need be a synthetization when observing the balance required to satisfy your audience cravings while still maintaining a product that can be commodified. A reciprocal encroachment implies reiteration and a recycling quality to the conventionally held performances that may subvert generic boundaries or other representational spaces. You as content provider can go about your performance while co-opting techniques that have worked for others, meanwhile invoking higher production valuation and added star power hype without sacrificing authenticity. Between you and your audience is a trust and a reciprocity, even an unconsciousness that will forgive off pilot study auditioning as avant-garde performance. And the negotiation of fantasy and mediated exhibitionism, where online participants may make their distinctions in the form of approval, or simply by signing off. The liminal space of the internet is more in demand with the amateur tag line added to any production, even wording like "home model" or "private show" presented in a domestic setting are tricks at authenticity. In the online identity construction is the base factoring of gender and race, further exemplified in the utopian view that how you represent yourself is how your audience (consumer) should accept your qualities (and lack thereof) as societal signifiers, so that, say, if your nipple is inverted that somehow this defect should be the new norm for beauty. Further implications are afforded through text/word searches that will produce algorithm results based on previous viewer vote ups/downs and in this manipulation is a certain false and commercialized disconnect of authentic misrepresentation.

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The victim was a married white female in her early thirties who was employed as an office assistant for a large inside sales department. She reported that when she had entered the women's restroom she found written in lipstick across the wide mirror the words "Lisa will die." HR and corporate security were notified, as well a police report was submitted. In-house investigations revealed that there was a large amount of men and women on all four floors of the high-rise building that had access to this particular ladies room. Interviews of female employees revealed that only two had visited that particular restroom on the morning of the incident. A background investigation on Lisa uncovered she had been written up multiple times for "poor job performance" and an interview with her conducted by corporate security found she had been married for four years and had no children. She added that she could not think of who would do this and that she had no known enemies or "haters." She had told her husband about the incident and did request HR grant her a few days off to "process it all." When she returned to work she was assigned a parking spot closer to the building elevator and escorts by security to and from her car. After one week she went to her supervisor under a panic and showed a single piece of paper with the words "Bitch I will get you" laser printed in size 12 font. She had discovered this note on her office chair. She was granted another three weeks off from work and in this time the investigations were leading nowhere. Corporate investigators asked to meet with her husband and she refused. He did on his own contact the investigators to say that she had confessed to him that she made it all up, that it was his fault, he had not been giving her the attention "she deserved" and that she will not be returning to work in order to finally start a family.

Division of the people in a democratic nation like America is necessary to keep the argument going while simultaneously increasing production. When there are those stifled by a grinding life of all work and little play the consensus is with what little time is left they will spend that energy fighting with strangers online or being paranoid that their neighbors may have some inside knowledge into what their own political beliefs may be, and the resulting persecution complex will remove any remaining clarity, allowing for zero new thinking.

Millennials were raised with instant gratification and void of Generation X's introduction to technology that involved the concept of buffering, that delayed onset of something important coming through the interweb pipelines. Maybe it was soft-core porn being streamed from a friend's elaborately-assembled server, or the day-long download of a ripped CD through napster, hoping your far-off host didn't disconnect. Either way it taught patience, even to accept failure when an entire day may have been consumed by the hunt only to end with truncated nothingness. It was about waiting and never knowing, in this longing and mystery was a sustained verve for magical thinking of what may become of it all. It was about friction decades before the world became frictionless, and all about organic acquisition before the algorithms knew what you needed prior to your own inherent desires.

The internet's speculative unity of being all knowing is the metanarrative myth of modern times, nothing more than a digital dream amplified by this new nature of intellect, cyberspace quantifies information based on computer logic while its information processing becomes obsolete in the relationship between user and commodity. The form of value is valorized in this exchange, and the dwindling thirst of the consumer putting off substance for the concluding section that never loads. To know the mind of the internet is to know the mind of god, while in this impossibility of prediction lies particles of permanent uncertainty.

What women want is beyond what they can comprehend on their own. It's not laid out for them in mommy blogs or during manic conversations fueled by alcohol poisoning when they get together with girlfriends they secretly despise, listening to advice that doesn't make sense or glorified stories about how envious one's life has become. Your own filter to view the magnificence requires a dismantling of the impossible and re-scaling of the limitations of said woman's chances at such perfection. You can meet her half way if that makes you and her feel better about the exaggerations and failed dreamscape. What women want is purpose, and if they are anywhere between thirty and forty that purpose is in a child. Before or after that the proxy project is caring for a man--or a girl if lesbian--and in this imposed mothering often the male or lesbian lover need be slightly handicapped by either a trauma-filled upbringing that has debilitated any chance at function within society, or possess a very limited scope of ability, like driving you to your work in your car and waiting to pick you up after a long shift. And to be slightly attractive, that bad boy look that so many women love. In the porn industry they are referred to as suitcase boyfriends, and have become proxy reality agents for the performers who can remain checked out.

178. Whatever else may be the case, it is certain that technology is creating for human beings a new physical and social environment radically different from the spectrum of environments to which natural selection has adapted the human race physically and psychologically. If man is not adjusted to this new environment by being artificially re-engineered, then he will be adapted to it through a long and painful process of natural selection. (T. Kaczynski, 1995)

Unnerved by living during a time when there is so much sexuality projected into politics, and imposed on one another in the form of trans this or that, even multiple genders lists which are only complete by certain factions of the cause, a list that some say is too long, while others insist is not long enough. A political charge indeed, the parting of the ways between allies and bigots, there is no in between, and the revelation that all of this has become so common, now and here, after all of these years of oppression. It leaves you thinking about grandparents and the grandparents of your grandparents possibly being caged transsexuals, way back to the cowboys and Indians, or more recently during the Greatest Generation and WWII.

Same-sex marriage was a hot topic for a minute and untouchable as a political talking point but then it was integrated into conventional societal norms. Those against the idea had already admitted to a collapsing of the sanctity of marriage anyway so gays might as well have a go at it. True zealots, including Islamists, could still pretend it wasn't happening. But for most folks they said go ahead and bring on the misery, and with it came the first gay divorces and increasing reports of same-sex domestic violence. Nobody wanted to acknowledge that the numbers were abnormally high when it was gay domestic violence. In the coming down by opposing groups was the schadenfreude of seeing a new avenue for homosexual implosion.

Seeking a balance between terror and vigilance is a pathway to end immigration, or the addition of a better system of assimilation. Absolute thoughts that lead to the label of being radicalized. Then the question of who radicalized who. Was it done in the shadows or out in the open, for everyone to witness. There are pipelines and support systems for both sides. Extremism has always been popular, on the left and the right, and is further heightened by social media and the attention afforded by living a double life online with its own cult-like atmosphere. The final delineation is which side you fall on the class divide. To live in a liberal society liberalism cannot be overcome by ignoring it or dismissing it as nothing but an abstract concept somehow affixed to every desire. There is real fragility in earthly existence like committed principles and values sustained from the dismantling of how you should feel versus how you actually feel.

As an actor, know your instrument. Take an individual inventory understanding that unlike the merchant you can't easily stand back and look objectively at your goods. As an actor you are also the product. You must afford yourself the same measured objectivity as any other craftsman when sorting out your mind, materials, voice and body. All that you have offstage and project when onstage. There are small things that may get in the way of your audience's ability to believe you, and that is why you must iron out the nuance of your performance. Check for overlapping projection in adaptations, cultural binding, and habits. Feed off of the stimuli of your average day, and allow for personal tendencies to come about.

A gift of recognizing your own sexuality is that rush you get from what turns you on and the undeniable drive for contact, visuals, or other inspirations to the completion of going all the way with a sense of abandon because you know this is how you are swayed by your sexual bent. Deviant-free and straight forward, no oxygen left for the clouding of confusion in your desires which leads to more of a determined seeking out for the lust. In the waning there is an ebbing residual thought that this is why we do what we do, and not much inspiration exists beyond this, as the further unleashing could be forgiven because of the unbridled lust.

UNINCORPORATED PART OF TOWN--Claire Causwell, 76, was found dead on April 15 in her home. She experienced "significant trauma," according to investigators. Her gardener, Jose Borregos, 24, was questioned by authorities and is being held on unrelated immigration issues. Police have confirmed that Mr. Borregos was having a "sexual in nature" relationship with the deceased. They described him as cooperating but having "zero interest in killing" Mrs. Causwell, whom he described as a "mother figure."

I.

DESPAIR

VERSUS

EGO ISOLATION

Beyond narcissism and the seeking of love, once love has been attained, in a post- this or that mindset and physical refractory period, an acceptance occurs of one's love for self and the realization that there is a rhythmic cycling to these emotions and needs, and other requirements of being a human. What holds us together is a sense of integrity and collective partaking in consolidating this proclivity for order and meaning. The reptilian brain does not allow for you to relax as now there is the ominous threat of death. The final piece of the life cycle that brings with its rumination a sense of dread and a desire to not accept the brevity of life. A level of play that only children possess, in that voided-out knowledge of death and the impending existential doom of everything. We make up for it by assuring some form of reliance on those around us, knowing that the older people in our circles will succumb to their deaths before us, and this will be a preparation for our own undoing. It becomes a numbers game and a macabre one at that, say, in the form of a hopeful terminal diagnosis on a friend in order to superstitiously play oddsmaker. A criterion for the maintenance of the human condition, and the inertia of maddening aspects while trying to remain an autonomous creature, simultaneously dependent on those around you.

A reference that odd beliefs or magical thinking can influence behavior, albeit without a consistency within societal norms, perhaps the belief in clairvoyance or telepathy, or some other sixth sense, in children the preoccupation with bizarre fantasies, then the bodily illusions of perceptual experiences like nuanced sexual behavior, or the embracing of a certain flaw only to highlight it for its fetish valuation. Circumstantial speech patterning involving the metaphorical over elaborations, with a running theme of paranoid ideation and peculiar behavior that leaves you without close friends, only immediate family and the red flags of your social anxiety tending to the negative judgements of self. Or employment that requires not having to interact with others.

Variants of mind disorders versus those of thought, and within this factoring gradations of mood swings that could be called manic or depressive, ultimately falling into the category of hypomania, an inflated self-esteem or high energy with greater productivity and disassociation. There is a potential toward antisocial behavior to bring about a predator verve. Being at peace with oneself is the precise moment that you anticipate the bad news, something like a pending lawsuit or a health diagnosis, even a death in the family or a prison sentencing. These thoughts flood the mind when everything else has been addressed, and the field has been cleared for elevated thinking, only to succumb to worst case scenarios and the energy attached to such massive undertakings.

We may banter with a madman's abandonment of soft chuckles or eye rolls but behind the laughter is the unaddressed fact that we will never fully agree, as our binary ways of thinking are not up for negotiations. Behind the awkward smile is the desire to go into hiding and disappear from your audience. Take a breather from the social channels and wake up to a blank slate.

The email confused you at first. Something about a FUCKING MACHINE in all bold letters over a bright yellow background. "Accept no others, they are all rip offs!" You scroll down to find the hot blonde woman with a vacant stare and her legs spread. A long pole with a dildo tip and a chainsaw-type apparatus on the other end. Very customized, even DIY, not something you would find on a store shelf. Complete with testicals. It came in caucasian white or brown. The caption next to her head said "Please me with the pussy pounder." A quick click through takes you to a weblink with video of a different actress being penetrated by the machine. There is a second woman in front of her holding it up, while a third one cradles the main actress from behind, likely there for moral support or additional visual thrills as her jiggling tits are exposed. Two suction tubes placed on the main model's breasts have sucked her nipples into reddened pointed cones. A flash bang message appears calling them "tit suckers" with another caption that a smaller device called the "Ass Basher" is available for half price with any order. A disconnect surfaces by the detachment of the main actress whose body is the main visual attraction of the advertisement. Far from the action, she is void of meaningful glances, or other poses deployed in porn production. Nothing conveyed, she looks down on the action as if the unfolding events are a foregone conclusion. In the machinization of sexuality is the question of vaginal over clitoral stimulation, and the reassurance that penis-shaped devices can support the centrality of penetrative sex, and that ladies like their phallus to look realistic. And in these prosthetics the power to endure with an intensity that real penises do not have. It's as if the woman wants that on and off switch, to control it at her will. A phallocentric female autoeroticism perpetuates that the female body is to be penetrated upon, to be mastered through and reassured by the stand-in device.

Victim presentation is the behavior engaged by the victim and their internal reaction with the external world. When there is an authentic crime the victim is reluctant, even ambivalent, to come forward, whereas with false cases, the "victim" is often gleeful and confident. True victims fear their actions may precipitate new retaliations, while false victims know there is nobody to fear. In more dramatic cases, false victims will appear to greatly enjoy the attention, even try and control any investigation that takes place. Authentic victims are unsure about investigations and focused more on security precautions. A "tell" is that most authentic victims do not immediately claim to be a victim, that this conclusion comes about with some reflective time. Even denial and disbelief can play into the playing down of the event, the "this cannot be happening" phenomenon. With false accusers there is an immediate conclusion of victimhood and the enlistment of others to hype up the complaints. For them it is all about the secondary gains of victimhood, gaining that attention, but also the new allies to rally around you, and people volunteering to do things for you, even if it is menial tasks or a meal train. It could mean new limited hours at work, or special accommodations with parking. On the contrary, authentic victims avoid this new attention out of embarrassment of what took place. With false accusers the reporting rhythm is based on one's significant life events or developmental stressors with the false victim feeling a need for attention. When credibility begins to be questioned the victim may increase the intensity of the bad behaviors, with the addition of newly discovered details about the phantom suspect.

The following manifesto was posted simultaneously to several internet community discussion boards. Many members reached out to the author to ask him not to go through with his plans. There were no recorded responses, and in the subsequent weeks no incident was reported to the public. Speculation was that this manifesto was either fiction or the author somehow ended his life (either by his own hands or killed by authorities) before any plan could be executed: I have always been the most hated person in the world. From day one I have been under siege from morons and idiots. I write this manifesto so that others will know my story and perhaps find some solace in it and inspiration for their own lives. My life has been a lonely experience, one loss after another. Here I am at 26 with no friends, no job, no girlfriend, and a virgin. I realized recently that society likes to deny people like me these things. Even though I may have been born bad, society has left me no recourse, and no way to be a good actor. I have been forced to align myself with demonic forces. It started off as an involuntary relationship and now it's an alignment. I am here to serve under the demonic hierarchy. Many will ask what could they have done differently to change this outcome. It came down to your inability to give me what I wanted. The default is that I am young and have so much to live for. But I tell you I am very much alone. I have no job, no success. When was this supposed to happen? What great event was out there for me to await? I believe in another world, a darker one, that awaits me and will welcome me. My success in hell is assured. They will give me the power I seek. They talk to me from the sidelines, controlling me so it's only fitting that I join them after death as they have shown me the way. There will be others after me. To quote Ted Bundy, "We are your sons, your brothers, and we are everywhere." My advice to others is to buy a gun and start killing. If you are in Europe and have difficulty acquiring a gun then become a serial killer. The world can always use an additional Jack the Ripper. Butcher them in their homes, in the streets. The world is your battlefield, from the heart of Africa to the deepest depths of Asia. Fear not the laws of man, when you get to the other side you will be welcomed. Don't be afraid to give in to your darkest impulses. Human life means nothing. If I cannot inspire the masses, I hope I can at least get their passions aroused. I was once like you, a loser rejected by society. When the girls would rather go with alpha thug black men we can agree that something is wrong with society. When individuals like myself are alone but some wicked black men get the loot, like some vaginal pirate, it's not fair. The black man is the most vile creature on the planet. He is a beast beyond measure, but don't take my words to be racist. Black men have corrupted the women of this planet. All they care about is sex and swag. All they care about is swinging their "BBC thang" around in public. All their brain power has been submerged into their penis. Due to the black murder rate in 100 years there will be no black men, those who haven't been murdered will be in jail or dead. The number of ebony lesbians will increase. Latinos will suffer a massive drop in population because they too enjoy killing each other and most work for the cartels. At least the Latinos can be put into remedial education and be made smart. In closing, I have been interested in mass shooters for years. I have noticed that they always fuck up by not working fast enough and their death tolls are not nearly where they should be. They shoot wildly instead of targeted blasts. They also don't take on the cops. For the inquiring media: my interests included (past tense, as I will be deceased) listening to music, watching movies, and internet piracy. My only solace in life was uploading pirated porno, ebooks, and Hollywood new releases. Check out what I have uploaded, you may find our tastes to be similar. FAQs: What is your religion? I have aligned myself with the occult since I was born. How come you've not had a girlfriend, are you gay? No, I am not gay, girls just dont want me, as I said before they want the thug blacks. Are you mentally ill? No, just because I am in communication with the Dark Forces doesn't mean I am crazy. In conclusion, this is my manifesto and I hope you have enjoyed it and find inspiration. Maybe you can learn something from what I've done. For those looking, I do not have social media. For all of those who never took me serious this is for you. For those who haven't made their stand I do this for you. I am the martyr for all those like me. To quote Seung Cho, "Today I die like Jesus Christ."

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Desire within the confines of mainstream hardcore material has the erect penis as the protagonist and the only tool for function when it comes to the female's ability to climax. Much is derived from the hard penis, its condition, size, and overall wellbeing, as it will gauge the female's level of pleasure (or pain). Within this paradigm is the ability of the penis to draw certain numbers of willing women, and the types who are most likely to respect such a phallic object, perhaps a neglected housewife type, or those with exaggerated tits, even the virgin types. The visual evidence provides a roadmap to the money shot (the moment of ejaculation) as the sole evidence of pleasure. The penis is rarely made invisible in these moments, whether it is penetrating a vagina or mouth, because much of it is the male orgasm overcompensating for the invisible female orgasm, for which can only be evidenced through facial expressions or audible groaning, as anything more can be easily construed as faking it. She may try and reassure the audience that she did indeed cum, or, at the least, enjoyed the final stages of the intercourse, but this response is sidelined to the visible acknowledgement of the male ejaculation. For the onlooker there is an element of involvement, where depending on angles and positioning of the camera there is a certain sense that you as audience member can be the performer in those final moments. Reality is suspended in these instances, with race, class, wealth, even appearance no longer of concern, as long as the viewer is able to relate with the hardened penis in its final stages of pre-ejaculation. In instances of the hyper-phallus, represented by the black male performer, the desire becomes different and there is a disconnect between reality and what is played out on the screen. With black male on white female performance there is an articulation of threat to the white female body, and any endearing reaction to this set up is its own sub-fetish and no longer part of the mainstream.

A collective misery pervades the postmodern wilderness awash in prophetic reflections of spiritual idioms and other presuppositions amid an invisible societal change. There was more at play in the Crusades than what was conventionally held as a religious war or some kind of spiritual battle. It consisted more of an affront to save the soul of Westernism, while suppressing any element of Islam within society. In modern times the effects are the same, the need is still there and our battles, if focused correctly, will determine the best outcome for the cause. In this the need to fight: humanism, atheism, progressivism, feminism, relativism, pluralism, multiculturalism, secularism, and the welfare state. If there is a faith in the honor and foundation of Western Civilization then there is no questioning of the need for strongholds in the once-great society that must partially implode to rebuild itself. People in the know will talk about parallels between America today and Rome just before her fall. The decline of modern times running similarities to the collapse of the last great society. It was the barbarians that delivered the final deathblow. The empire was crumbling from within so it didn't take much to deliver her final demise as moral decay became her.

The hyperreality transformations in the spheres of traditionally held notions like democracy as a best-seller is the gospel of our times. A more fragile threat line in the revelation that we are all mere media gadgets, and conditioned for the virtuality. Any crux of discussion involves the elusive present and the spectre of techno-saturated simulation. We are haunted by the dematerialization of the misrepresentations of reality and the tragedy of all that is not possible at the end of history.

Conditions of self run on hopeless self-fulfillment promises that futility exists in dejection and communal blindness through acquiescing to a slave-to-mentor situation, emphasized further when you take on what is advised of you, rather than what you have organically sought out. Juxtaposed apocalyptic tones of a static ambiance that can no longer avoid the looking within so you look outward and what you see is a nihilism that manifests itself through gender, class and race.

The system is built on the idea of neglect. To get ahead you neglect your children and your health through bad diets and a void of exercise, with this manifesting in obesity and new levels of undesirability. A creeping in self-loathing is realized and nobility is forfeited for the growth of the bigger picture with you as a small-time contributor, or miniscule player in a game for which you have no stake.

Much of the early development of the Internet was in case of war. Defense organizations funded the building of the hardware and infrastructure while software was designed by so-called private sector companies that led to the world wide web becoming a commercialized outpost for pornography. The earliest incarnation of the Web was that of teaser device to promote erotic services, something to stimulate fantasy and arousal that would lead to a phone call for a hook-up, either direct one-on-one NSA or couples-related, and with this came the pushing of technology to provide for a better experience, higher efficiency levels and smoother commercial aspects. It dictated much of what the Internet was to become, a portal for all things sexual resulting in better video conferencing, credit card verifications, digital compression, and high definition streaming capacities.

Real life sexuality consists of more than the erotic mental stimulation which has been designed for the on-screen thrill to equate to more of an instant rush of arousal. Inversely it is more than just manual stimulation. It exists in the tangible and in the ether. When we consider the act to be sacred there is a scaling back from being trivialized to something more profound. It could be argued that our sexuality encompasses all that we do and with its interdisciplinary biomedical effects its interplay has resulted in a human sexuality complex, made up of an entire constellation of emotional, political, and biological structures of our being complexing something simple and providing for a feedback loop that mediates a constantly strung-out environment.

You were glad for the disruption. If there was ever a time that the system needed disrupting it was now. Some punk rock politician that was so anti-establishment the elites feared him. All the banter about existential warnings circled back to the most possible threat of your demise, the unsustainability of your path, a collective unbecoming that many would spurn hope of a collapse that would better the bottom lines. Messianic contradictions appropriated the sense of a savior for the masses versus your own sake of gain. If you make it look easy then it doesn't come off as a struggle and without the visual cues there is less credence in the journey toward the promised land. The status quo-affirming messages monopolized by an underclass spiraling from the lap of luxury resulting in a spiritual crisis that retrograded hopelessness and decay from hot topics like class oppression or homophobia. In this energy of disenfranchisement you are left to wonder if there is a heaven that awaits and in this longing of wonderment is a stalling out of personal advancement, throttled by the very fear that was designed for you and mongered at you.

Dialogues that Gen X once had, the fun topics of presidential blow jobs or mysterious grunge rock lyrics or evening updates on OJ Simpson's murder trial, the clownish contemporary characters like Richard Simmons, the somberness of the LA riots and the image of Reginald Denny being pulled from his semi and beaten down by disgruntled men of color as the helicopter camera panned to the Korean liquor store owners turned rooftop snipers. When Larry King came on to console the nation after a celebrity death. Freedom in fashion to disregard your look with an equal apathy toward an opinion you voiced. That void of a polished look or message. Jumping to now and the stifling of voice and thought, with a potential for condemnation. Gen X has figured it out in middle age, the most silenced generation because they are clever to avoid a return to the shaming they experienced as children. Their angst can now be channeled into an internal riot that is absolved through single parenting, hot yoga or craft cocktails.

It's like any other drug with designer analogs. The feeling you get is being apart from your environment. What some call ozone-tripping. The side effect of amnesia-like memory loss is what most are seeking out. If you go too hard there is violence when deprived of it. This is what parents fear the most and why so many enable the behavior, as they are afraid to face the consequences of denial.

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Vigilante behavior can be superimposed by a similar verve of genocidal tendencies, whether technically a hate crime or an invented heinous acting out of self-deemed enforcement, targeting the troubled or those most alienated with a shared quality of isolation. And when the attacker doesn't fit the casting of vigilante at large, there tends to be an anonymity that affords an unstifled run at big numbers. Tranny hookers or disabled homeless. Folks that can go missing without much notice. A demographic for which disappearing is normal behavior, so their absence can be expected. Spacing out of the numbers to avoid any connection made by local media. Perhaps an attempt at the homeless during a heatwave so the spike in deaths can be correlated to mother nature. Or the tranny murders during big news cycles, what some could label as a non-false flag to pull the media narrative.

Irrespective of intervention, a psychological approach will always be the most effective aspect of any treatment. Education and what can be learned from self-help groups will treat the vast majority of patients. An admission of powerlessness over the addiction is crucial in accepting help and being set in the right direction.

To avoid the doom of immorality tainting America, a need exists for big ideas and ignoble idioms, something on par with the energy of the crusades or the raw violence of the slave trade. A journey away from the moral crisis exiting from the grandiose history of a patriarchal virtue of white man logic and ethos.

Distortion in the moral panic. Those instances when the media want to convey a message, or when a lover wants to part ways, the toolbox of characterizing some feigned concern, then the onset of anxiety, leading to fervor for what is now falsely portrayed as an actual threat to your safety. Fissures of instability portrayed out of context, becoming more magnificent with the heightened hysteria of a witch hunt.

Dysfunctional behavior is the result of social and psychological thoughts. Internalized conflicts that have resulted in systematic failure, like nightmares of having your genitals separated from your body. That lingering feeling of incompetence and impotence in the face of a conceptualized compartmentalizing of some new paraphilia that has redirected your love map away from a survival point to a dropping off point of dysfunction. Here, money can be swapped with sex as the relationship becomes similar in context and hits upon the same centers in the brain. It's about the congruence of the vandalized self, those traumatic experiences during the gender-encoding of the brain, and how the uncritical response you find on the Internet is normophilic to your pleasure receptors.

You tried to get into the things that men are supposed to do--shooting guns, restoring cars, hunting and fishing, even talking shit about sexual exploits--but nothing ever took. In your own meta-mythology you would like to be that renaissance man meets bearded survivalist, but you cannot be all there for everyone. You never wanted to be the volunteer dad at school or an admin on the PTA. That free-wheeling license of time mismanagement would reveal too much about you and your possible dirty intentions, like scheduled time with the moms at school. There is a blandness to your life when it's void of real responsibilities and heartache. Manifested as a low-grade hum indicator of scheduled monotonous daily tasks like preparing meals for kids, sorting laundry and discovering the best dish soap, there is no respite from the cyclical rhythm of days, and without the ability to pause the moment every next thing consumes the present and that which you look forward to is pulled into a vacuum of future task making.

An arrangement can be made with the illness where you adapt yourself to the morbid ideals that come with thinking the way you do, and somehow find success in this, with new viewpoints and a re-shaping of the environment. When you are able to mute out and whitewash the formalized hallucinations that come through with loud warnings in technicolor, something the professionals call acute psychosis. With these negative symptoms is a catatonic flattening of affect for any inveterate fixity of robotlike reactions or other behavioral modes. This approach to the disease is popular with Scientologists and Luddites like the Mennonites.

Slain by the spirit in the prayer labyrinths to the soundtrack of holy laughter, from the realms of anointment and human imagination, a cross-contaminating of wild notions and His truth. What you consider in Crusaders as ancient history the Islamists consider current events. The hijrah, or perpetual migration, a main strategy for expanding Islam into foreign lands, and, by you relocating, your self-sacrifice is sure to be rewarded by Allah.

White-wealth scenarios under the American paradigm places on the spectrum a gauge of aspiration. In this idol making there is altar creation whereby you question the nature of the beast or go with it is what it is and move along to other idol gods. Prophetic utterances of whiteness cause the winning of the public debate while smear campaigns are launched to point out black thuggery or white trash incest, even homelessness and the weaknesses forfeited from addiction. In this is the idea that race is America's religion and identity is its politics. Everything else can be downplayed, overlooked or ignored. The fixation on OJ and the knife wielding black man slashing his white ex-wife and her lover at the forefront of pop culture. Or the denigration of black wealth, with Oprah as the anti-welfare mom. Internalized dramas of successful black men exclusively dating white women, incorporated calculations of high numbers of imprisoned black males and the scarcity of men for the ever-expanding community of black women. Segueing into pity and the assumption, mostly by the Left, that these folks cannot help themselves and therefore need any and all assistance that can be afforded to them, resulting in a deeper cut into their capacity for achievement.

Obsolete theories, all the way back to medieval times, of why people have gone mad are floated through non-scientific inquiry. Correlations between demons and masturbation thrived throughout most of the 19th century, many people that were afflicted with mental illness also masturbated profusely. Those recorded to have been affected by the demonic spirits were later diagnosed as standard schizophrenics or epileptics. Another theory at the time was bad mothers and the total symptom severity of emotional over involvement. Essentially mothers making their children crazy through hyper-expression of emotion with the cult of narcissism as the final outcome of the disparaging artifacts of one's sacred symbolism of a more measured and fashionable undertaking: the reinvention of self when the prospects for the id's status quo is at its bleakest.

UNINCORPORATED PART OF TOWN--Carlos Rivera, 21, shot to death on Friday night, was found on the freeway on-ramp leaving the unincorporated part of the city. Last month, a police detective testified that Rivera, who was homeless, had attempted to rob a 7-Eleven with a hypodermic needle as his weapon, but aborted the plan when an off-duty sheriff spotted what was happening and approached Rivera who dropped the syringe and fled on foot. He was later questioned at the Tortilla Flat homeless encampment. "He was a bad dude, nobody is going to miss him," said a resident of the homeless encampment who wanted to remain anonymous.

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Many offstage experiences are what give you the texture and confidence onstage. Your life is a long resume of acting, with performances of the highest caliber. Your past is a well for fascinating finds that can be drawn upon to help you in being the best actor you can be, even a more complete human. There is no frivolous pursuit when you veer from the fundamentals. You as performer emerged from real-life situations with stronger self-awareness, better human interaction, and a reawakening of the child within you, allowing for new visions and fantasies for inspiration.

Tasked with stopping any intergenerational trauma from your mother to your children you are commissioned with the daunting yet noble practice of human moat from the pain, a crusader guarding the gates as your children's angels fight the demons that attempt to make their way into a new familial wonderland. Her fearful misfortune does not become theirs. You here as their most fervent warrior, keeping the toxicity from their shores.

You were never told how you were doing. Your prognosis, whether negative or positive, was a mystery as you were left in complete darkness. Each time you questioned the "authorities" of your status they would say they were not allowed to tell you. Something about liabilities and lawsuits. It built up your state of anxiety from a low-grade verve of indolence to a heightened fever pitch of panic. Until one day a rather beautiful nurse, one with her hair pinned up, with big lips that led you to thoughts of her preparing to go down on you, mentioned that she couldn't "officially talk" but everything "looked good." This was all the hope you needed to get through to the next day, and now you could task yourself with trying to decipher her coded message, as she was setting you up to figure things out on your own.

Feminist contributions to society have been important in the vitality of highlighting an alternative interpretation of perspectives within human sexuality and other constructionist theories. It can only help in expanding the narrative from the radical rhetoric that had for so long dominated the discourse. Binaries encoded to facilitate transmissions, the proper digital formatting with ordinary alphanumeric characters, key words that string along a theme, like sex or erotica or alt, and programs to look for misspellings like the new non-word eroti. There is diversity in the sampling and the spam targets a carefully-selected audience with adverts for human growth hormones (HGH), or Canadian viagra, even sex tourism to Thailand. Lesbianism is ranked higher than heterosexuality with transsexuality rounding out third position. Fantasies of rape are available in "depictions" of the act, with heavy representations of Asians and stepmoms, running a narrative of higher than average samplings for an honest snapshot of the American desirescape.

The internet is at the core of the meta-constructing process because it involves the highest level of what people regard, that which is the most sacred, a canopy of internalization, objectivation, and externalization. Where material objects shape the world through the ongoing outpouring of your own projections onto the world. You may re-appropriate reality to transform it from the structure of the outer world to a subjective socialization and ethical quest to figure out the development of myth-makers (journalists and novelists) and others who make exclusive claims to the truth. In the wake, a dissatisfied marketplace of modern living global villagers seeking out spiritual entrepreneurs for their ambient redemption.

Talk of issues of gender or class or the undemocracy of how the federal government is set up, two parties ruled by corporations and the driving force of the Military Industrial Complex with a well-oiled media machination is kept minimal. We were the generation that came out of punk rock, those that knew how to get their message across, even if only through the representation of loose flannel attire and unkempt aesthetic, something of a response to the polished day glo of the eighties and the manic melodies of synthesizers. We were the survivors of Y2K. Our silent protest was warranted and the boomer audience was secretly afraid of us. When we arrived at middle age the struggle was deadened by a millennial surge of feigned outrage that drowned out the more authentic angst that we had embodied through actual conversations and real news. We couldn't get our message out now because of trigger fatigue and in this was our own acquiescense for a new generation to take the lead, while we positioned ourselves for the second half of our lives, better health choices and a more advanced case of not giving a fuck who the president was or the loose usage of the word "nazi" or comparisons to concentration camps or male-born female athletes taking home all the trophies and setting new world records.

History is a mere continuity of modernism which has entered an accelerated internet version of herself. Virtuality versus actuality, and the sequel of accomplishment. Reptilian brain characteristics ensuring that any future news will be bad and that when good news eventually arrives it will go unnoticed. A jubilant paradise awaiting beyond the dark horizon only when society achieves and satisfies its most fundamental longings, because behind the purpose is the supreme goal. There is no difference between the suicide bomber's manic spark or that of the hopeful Millennial mindset. Or the difference between the real Rolex and the fake. Genuine imitations diminish as other offerings from the internet's simulation industry arise.

An interpellation which pulls its viewers into discourse through a certain payback consisting mostly of dopamine distribution, the internet, on its structural level, makes the audience its consumer, and the seeking of visual pleasures constructs a multiplication of agencies of pleasure within the audience's gaze. Virtual diversity need not be conceptualized as active expression is fleeting and often anonymous. Feedback may be provided through comment sections, where the audience can surface from the lurking shadows to voice concern or express praise upon the actor(s). This virtual subjectivity is conveyed through a keyboard and affords the author an unhindered freedom of expression. Beyond being a passive seeker for consumption, the viewer now is voluntarily participating in the contesting of the apparatus, and the physical body's extension into the digital space. Terminal discourse is recorded and defined by the digital footprint in the social architectures, where knowledge and function of the sexual parts and genitals end, so beginning the lingering within the extension of the machine, that internet functional separation of the physical body from the device's realm during use of the network.

193. The kind of revolution we have in mind will not necessarily involve an armed uprising against any government. It may or may not involve physical violence, but it will not be a political revolution. Its focus will be on technology and economics, not politics. (T. Kaczynski, 1995)

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Latchkey kids of the Baby Boomer generation were left to their own devices. Later in life, peer pressure manifested itself in raising easily triggered children. At first inclination, it would seem that boomers would raise a fearless lot. But for their kids, the Millennials, there was the unchecked instability of learning adult things from other kids, like basic sex ed from porn or how to move about in public from reality television, in the way that invisible camera crews followed your every move. A sudden air about yourself that you are always being filmed or the feigned outrage of being disrespected manifesting itself in a mock fight that may turn authentically violent with the throwing of a mimosa across the room. As if new channels of bad drama played out by non-actors could help the most plastic and dead inside generation.

When making a custom porno in your mind, of you there as the main star, the one taking in all the pussy and the glitz of bright lights and smudging contoured makeup there is an adjustment made for your own parts, an emphasis on your manhood and a tightening of your torso and broadening of your shoulders. This is required to help the professionals, who know camera angles and how to work a set, then the girls who look like they are having the time of their lives regardless of the despair of their existence. You would never know because the artifice is so spectacular. Remind yourself in these moments that you are part of the fantasy so you must suspend judgement of real life items inserting themselves into your playful thinking. You are the star and the magic is sustained in your audience's non-judgement for the duration.

Signs of adverse effects to look for: decreased sensitivity to pain, intermittent rapid eye movements, shaking of the jaw, restlessness, dehydration, vomit-free nausea, teeth clenching, blurred vision, nibbling and biting inside of cheeks.

Experts say shame is nothing more than a painful feeling of humiliation or distress caused by the consciousness of wrong or foolish behavior. It may be imposed by a parent at an early age with the overuse of the words shame on you to the point that it becomes an internal mantra for life. This message will keep the receiver on the downside of living. Feelings cannot be confused with those of guilt as guilt is a sense of responsibility or remorse for an action. Shame cannot take that on as your entire being and life until now has been one big imagined crime.

Testimony is integral to faith and connection to community. Tension is released when we testify and there is a sense of letting go that comes with it. Much of music does this, even the writing of this book is merely thoughts onto pages silently read into your mind. And the potential for resulting visceral and absurd responses of your takes on my mistakes. What it does is strengthen all of us involved as we realize we are not alone in our ideas and thoughts, our fantasies and other twisted premises for this life. There is a comfort in the meaning and solutions afforded in navigating forth with a collective imbalance. When you realize you weren't the only one to think this way, or that you didn't have a monopoly on wayward thoughts toward strangers, those folks within your midst yet oblivious to your invisible takedown.

Early users of the internet propagated a heterosexual narrative that predominately depicted attractive women with exaggerated body parts and a bent toward bisexuality. It was a big leap from the previous means for distribution, those mainstream shopping catalogs with a lingerie or bikini section. It wasn't long before jumping into more obscure paraphilias like a willingness for fisting or bestiality, the less-common acts that you had never really thought of which were now depicted in technicolor. It was a significant advancement and there wasn't always alignment between what you found to be erotic and where it should fall into your lovemap. You could be left thinking, do I really like grannies or interracial sex, or wildly abnormal acts like an entire hand buried inside a woman's anal cavity? Then the disconnect of time spent consuming this material versus real life occurrences. Perceptions that your sexual persona may be manifesting new desires based on what you consume, like when you begin to demand big penises in your porn and wonder if that somehow makes you gay. You dissect how you really feel if the image of the penis didn't have a female mouth on it or if it wasn't sliding in and out of a wet vagina. As if the penis was a sole object, nothing more to you than an exaggerated version of your own hard-on. Short-term arousal as a pronounced indication that the response need be regulated to avoid a depletion past the normophilic sexual behaviors portrayed on the early image boards of the internet. All too fast and too soon. Regardless of initial impacts, the seeds of curiosity and the alluring search for forbidden treasures were planted. This ambient verve for what may come next is the root base for modern day clickbait.

Victimhood thrives as the easiest strategy for countering painful feelings and in not having to become a vulnerable person we can blame something outside ourselves for anything disagreeable. There is comfort in this and truth. Many forces exist for disempowerment, being a victim is about what you do with it, by rising up or succumbing, moreover it is a reflection of your internal moods or guarded self-hatred. Energy that can be converted to righteous outrage of defeat, or a sense of disconnect from your surroundings and situational life. It requires you to walk alone in your angst and convert the outrage to something magical.

Giving up hope can paradoxically be the turning point for coming to terms with unhappiness. Once you know that you are hopeless you begin to relax. A lowered sense of expectations and aspirations can cut down your affliction into a more manageable size. Something attainable and neutral beyond the mess of incapacities and handicaps, a newfound sense of calm and a feeling of completeness, of being equal to others and having a unique soul that is fully alive, as often we focus too much on our defects.

Compulsive busyness is how some cope with their trauma, a technique to insulate themselves from feeling their own feelings, they become consumed with activities, much like a drug user will find an escape with drugs, and these activities will occupy their day through a constant rollout of more things that need to be done. When the impending sense of pain or disappointment begins to surface they have an opportunity to avoid it by taking on the next task. Laundry, car wash, bills that need to be paid. An endless to-do list of errands and other manic-obsessive task making. It can be overwhelming and there is a frantic element to it all, but it is by design to avoid the busy maker from having to take on feelings of anger or disillusionment, even delayed grief.

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Your inherent dignity within is a cultivated sense from being alive for everything, which might mean the most mundane of anguish or simple awareness of small sensations like holding the tiny hand of a child. In the conscious practice of not preparing your mind, you experience a certain intimacy with your activities and surroundings that connect you with others. This can be the most effective way to alleviate suffering, that synchronizing of the body and mind and being a part of the healing. You exist in a state of mundane anguish that is part reptile brain on the constant lookout for danger, and the spiritual guilt of the programming you have received until now. Distanced from the touchstones of reality, your disease is further debilitating and possesses the potential to transmit generational downlines. Once you accept that everything changes all the time then you can better understand there is grief in every step and stage, that nothing is permanent, and when you hold onto security it is nothing more than a vain attempt at lessening the anguish.

Delusions of a religious nature reconciled by joining a cult or something more mainstream, even fixating on an individual, perhaps a sexual focus on an attractive stranger, someone with local cache or a peculiar smile that doesn't subside with any kind of glowing fade away when she is no longer in the room or the lights are dimmed. There is a need to relate to a god or a certain philosophy or worldview, perhaps a virtuous political stance or cause that you can get behind which could double end in its effectiveness by getting you laid somehow. Attending a women's march or volunteering at the domestic violence thrift store, small moves bringing about a proximity toward chance. It comes down to fortune, that misstep that takes you to a cult which years later ends with a mass group suicide. You were originally pulled in by the plethora of young girls directed to please the men, the low-key orgies and other debauchery made for a paradise on earth. Or a fixated focus on the wrong woman, someone unavailable and not down with your cause. She may play hard to get but it goes beyond that, she is emotionally shut down toward you. Perhaps she is "happily" married or secretly likes women or has one of those dead end vaginas. The threat is the default criminal element in the searching out and casting of such female leads for your epic story.

The ancient world consisted of disparate factions of religion that when Christianity finally arrived it swept up the confusion into its folds and ran the civilized world for nearly a millennium until being overrun by Islam and its ardent followers who were more savage and possessed a logic for long-term gain, that ardent will to win the war not just the battle. A viewpoint that involves several centuries by men who only live a few decades. Eternal truths about justice and freedom would aid in the will to win the Crusades and retake Europe and lay a bedrock for the right kind of religious expansion toward the New World. Now could be Christianity's last go at a post-historical rebirth.

Cybersex is where imagination meets the virtual connection afforded by anonymous contact through the Internet. Old analog fantasies transmitted through new high-def packaging. Even in the void of zero physical contact there is the resulting attachment, that recreational behavior initiates a virtual intimacy which is freeing from the fact that there will be no RL meet up. Without the face-to-face there is an anonymity that affords a more controllable outcome, through omission or exaggeration, even fully falsified details of a re-written reality. People will try on different personas, and facilitate collaborations rooted in an even vaster repository of faceless presence. Sex on the internet can render power structures null and void with the relinquishing of the usual commodities and other fragmented power plays afforded in real life sexual interactions. Status quos of manipulation and control can give way to trolling of the subsections of your desired bents. Keeping the sex life down or stifled in any way is a tool for maintaining the populace as the internet offers an immediacy and ubiquitousness that delivers to the masses the pluralism of sex and electronic communication, the most dynamic combination for fostered self-empowerment.

The Madonna-Whore Dichotomy is explained as the contrast that exists between the erotic and lustful viewing of a full cleavage, somewhat teasingly revealed for public consumption, versus the full breast on display that is breastfeeding a child and any resulting disgust from this act. It is the same breast, in fact the one full of breast milk is often larger (naturally) and is further compounded by the fact the breast is actually serving its one purpose (other than being an erotic placeholder in your kink). The disconnect that exists is that good mothers are not wired to be slutty, that in order to be that type of woman, children cannot exist in the sphere of her surroundings. There is chaste and there is whoredom, with not much in between. There may be women who want to be both and their effort is noble and admirable, as the MILF phenomenon is the culmination of the successful transition from vixen to motherhood then back again to that alluring sex model.

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Generation X importantly marks the period of birth decline after the Baby Boom and is the most significant small generation, and not until the year 2028 will Gen Xers eclipse Boomers in numbers. Higher rates of those who attended college and the first mixed-race generation, Xers were more tolerant and smarter. The first generation to espouse a work hard, play harder mentality and an individualistic character in the workplace, reflective in their hyper self-sufficiency and resourcefulness. Experts say this may have come about from entering the workforce in the Clinton years and that healthy economy which brought a confidence for the future set against a backdrop of false angst in the music and fashion. Not that grunge was fake but it was a small authentic voice that had been co-opted, then appropriated by the mainstream. These same kids saw workaholic parents who had their own axes to grind seek out something that wasn't there while being led by a president who introduced America to whale tails and anal rimming. Gen X was the first generation to work to live rather than live to work.

Handbooks may define harassment as repeated calls or contact via email or social media, but "repeated" is not clearly defined. More intrusive behaviors like spying or actual confrontation may exist, while the critical blow comes with any form of rejection. It's as if the perp is the actual victim in that they had been toyed with or led on with not-so-secret cues. A blurring of the lines between fiction, fact and a sense of entitlement feeds the fantasy machine, pointing all directions to you finally being together. Boundaries are not respected because of a supposed lack of healthy coping skills. This is compounded with shame, embarrassment or years of overall rejection, with a justifiable logic that if you are suffering so should others. It might come about from an invented emergency to elicit sympathy, or empty promises about needing closure in order to prolong contact. Blackmail is a common toolbox go-to, as well as unfounded accusations and insecurities manifested in statements like "you only care about yourself" and other casual gaslighting banter. Blame is spread to family members, mostly "family of origin," people nobody had met so the casting of villain can go unverified. An inability to cope with rejection lends to a difficulty distinguishing between fantasy and reality, while all bearings of the real you have been lost.

UNINCORPORATED PART OF TOWN--Authorities are investigating the Tuesday morning disappearance of local news celebrity Eileen Atkins. Officials are also addressing rumors being spread across social media sites about the investigation. Deputies were dispatched at 3am Tuesday to a parking structure adjacent to a downtown gym where Ms. Atkins is a member, responding to reports of a possible abduction of a female into the trunk of a car. Atkins was last seen during a yoga class that evening. Her vehicle was found parked nearby. A press release says that the investigation is in the early stages as investigators work to obtain surveillance video footage from nearby businesses and interview potential witnesses. Members of the community are distributing graphics across social media sites with Atkins' photo, stating that she may have interrupted a parking garage rape in progress, or is somehow involved in the valley's burgeoning counterfeit criminal racket, even that she may have found out the identity of the Tortilla Flats Killer and he has now kidnapped her. Law enforcement is asking for caution in such speculation as the information being shared may be incorrect. Those interested in updates on the investigation can visit the agency's social media for accurate and updated information.

Disenchantment often has to do with perceptions of self-mocked appearances, where cultural standards meet the reality of weight and age. We can find disappointment in our bodies and general self, but this may be undermined through a reenchantment of electronic presentation, either through some form of cybersex or anonymous board posts where feedback is easily obtained. No prototypes when it comes to a single quality for an alluded beauty standard, it's in the intercorporeality of the internal negotiation of modified appearance and perceptions of online impact, that liminal public context is gauged by a shared exaltation by muted onlookers.

Your void was no longer a new sensation, as it had become constant and almost unnoticeable in daily life. It was about the comings and goings, four lives lived separately under the same roof. Your freedoms and opportunities took on new methodology, like experimenting with generic detergents to see if your wife would notice. You went about system engineering their lives by shuffling the expiring food to the front of the fridge. Small moves that mattered but went unnoticed. When you passed each other you were sure to give the children their hugs and when you saw your wife you would rub her shoulders with a deep squeeze to release the tension from her hectic days. Eye contact was becoming harder to obtain, that gaze which locked into screens so well was no longer there for revealing emotions of wonderment or fear, even to let on imminent doom. The garage was somewhere they never went and any effort on your part to keep them from going in there would only result in them needing to investigate. Maybe a new car or a puppy awaited them. So you stayed quiet and didn't go for an evening drive. Everything was still holding together and it seemed effortless, but only because the alternative was unthinkable.

Self-conscious idealism segues to self-indulgent self-righteousness, and from that launching point full self-delusion. It could be called the legacy of the hippies or a holdover from earlier boomers, those that pretended to know what they were doing, to act like they were telling the truth while speaking in non-truths if that's what it would take to betray the non-believers. It was as if they used others for their own gain through well-crafted propaganda machines and now all that's left is a national tragedy, as that supposed selflessness was nothing more than a cover for self-indulgent romanticism.

The resentful stalker is one who seeks revenge against the victim rather than a romantic relationship. In a sense, this is the most dangerous type, the one who will superimpose his feelings of injustice into a desire for revenge. Having been humiliated, they view themselves as the victim and have difficult relationships with their fathers, while fixating on the distressing parts of their past. In this reliving of the pain their mood disorders are further amplified.

When labeled as an intimacy seeker you may identify a stranger as your true love, and in this new relationship demand that the love be reciprocated. It might mean that you attend funerals that you were not invited to or force your way into bedrooms to take back lingerie that you had gifted. Mental health professionals will label you as attempting to overcompensate for your social incompetence. There can be an ineptitude that runs parallel, giving the stalker an inability to comprehend what they are doing as abnormal and ineffective in courting rituals, with results both frightening and counterproductive.

Ketamine's intended use is as animal anesthetic. A powdered substance, it looks like cocaine and can be used in the drugging of women for robbery or even rape. It's easy to find those willing to consume it, and expensive for the authorities to test for after a dosing event. The common response post-blackout is to blame a roofie from the accompanying alcohol that had been consumed. It can be handed out in small baggies to the homeless, and with proper levels may trigger a fatal overdose on an already weakened and frail body. Ketamine was big in the late 1970s in the New York City club scene, and commonplace in the 1980s gay rape culture of Palm Springs. It's back in popularity due to its affordability from Chinese suppliers.

Rejected types tend to fixate on the unwanted endings to relationships. It could be one of romantic nature, or even a coworker or family member. It begins with an attempt at reconciliation. When that fails the energy is focused on the revenger. In the mind of the stalker it is nothing more than "falling out of love." Their angry preoccupations deny any moving on from the sadness as they are in denial of the loss.

Predatory stalkers do not want a relationship, they seek only the power that comes from control, while pleasure is harvested from the manifestation of fantastical thoughts of physical assault, often sexual in nature. These are the folks you think about when you think about sex offenders. There can be any number of paraphilias that are driving ambition, like vengeful resentment or an internal distress of acute sensitivity in a fog of generalized confusion.

203. Imagine an alcoholic sitting with a barrel of wine in front of him. Suppose he starts saying to himself, "Wine isn't bad for you if used in moderation. Why, they say small amounts of wine are even good for you! It won't do me any harm if I take just one little drink..." Well you know what is going to happen. Never forget that the human race with technology is just like an alcoholic with a barrel of wine. (T. Kaczynski, 1995)

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Concurrently with your own life is a young boy growing up to a certain breakpoint in maturity, the arrested development apex when he begins to self-medicate and any emotional intelligence ceases. He is a big healthy boy who was the prize and honor of his parents and grandparents. The star child that lit the room up, but now in his heart is a rage against society. He cannot cope with the rejection by the pretty girls, and he doesn't understand the apathy of his fellow boys. He wants to go off on society. He dreams of conquest and imposing his will onto the greater world. He identifies as a prodigy for the antichrist. He knows that Hitler was once a child. And that childhood can be shaped by the wolves of terror while disregarding the vanish of twilight. Hitler was a messiah with a mission of divinity sent to save Germany. He reminded himself of Jesus by driving out the Jews. He felt he had a duty to the people. What Christ began I will complete, he said.

It can be as simple as wanting to show society how you best live in its center. And that your gift to all is the recreation of the human experience. How you can give life to a past event, or form for the external world a sequence of internal thought patterns. Like any artist, you act because you know you must. You have been chosen and possessed by the passion. Everything else in your life recedes when you perform for your audience. Because of how you execute your adaptation they forget you are acting and are left better than before your performance.

A pang of guilt permeates your thoughts when you know that you are in on the secret while everything around you goes on as if nothing is imminent. Impending scandals of horrible proportions and a plot that penetrates into the soul of your consciousness, the hordes of deamons at night and that erotic manipulation imposed upon you in the darkest hours.

The internet affords a freedom to meet without the constraints of face-to-face communications, permitting for voids in differences of race or gender or social status. Even physical attributes, like intimidating good looks or the confinement of a wheelchair from spina bifida. In this vast expansion of discourse potential is the contact between those who would never be acquainted. An equalizer that allows for users to interact with equal footing, this is the electronic agora.

From the ER discharge record:

\--upon arrival:

*gross incoordination

*an inability to speak

*flushing & profuse perspiration

*rapid involuntary vibration of the eyeballs

*catatonic rigidity

\--this escalated from sustained digital exposure & resulted in:

*shivering w/ fever

*hypersalivation

*intermittent vomiting

*pupils fixated in mid position

*eyes remaining open

*noted stupor & pre-coma symptomatology

\--patient self-discharged against advice of the lead nurse, signing out w/:

"Us and them is a game, there is you first and then I am what you let me be, Charles Manson"

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The internet provides the most valuable approach to the study of what plagues modern culture. In the 19th century science overtook the world replacing much of religious thinking, and like the monarchies that were dying off so was the analog of the old world order. Decades on the internet fill those voids for spiritual expansion, and are central to understanding the new nature of being human. It brings together everyone into the same shared space, with the end result being the potential for all-out war.

The experience of manipulation within the internet is partially contributed to "wording effects," when the user of the internet is interfacing directly with the content, and not with the human generator on the other end. This disconnect is also known as telepresence, allowing for a false sense of control that pervades the system, while conveying an empowerment that leaks into analog living. This computer-mediated world allows for newfound megalomania and, for some, god-like social positioning. It's as if you are no longer fully human. While the internet has robbed you of your freedom for playful wonderment, the most drastic implication is that you are now left as a performative object within the prescribed virtual world, a space where most experience is dutifully managed. Anything norm-defying becomes further impossible as you are co-opted for commercial purposes and sacrificed for the sake of profit. A sublimated version of your non-reappropriated self gives into the social controls, further distancing yourself from authentic expression, leaving you as a vessel for the mainlining.

You made your children what they are. These children that come at you with knives, they are your children. You taught them. I didn't teach them. I just tried to help them stand up....Charles Manson

"Dramatic moments" are defined as issuances of protective orders, anniversaries, custody hearings, court dates and arrests. These are moments that require the most heightened state of vigilance, as there can be an accompanying humiliation when receiving a protective order. Beyond these narcissistic injury acts are what the professionals call "intermittent positive reinforcement," and that is when you shine brightest.

A continuum runs from under-conforming contraculture through the stage of disapproval then back to over-conforming the contraculture. Resulting in deviation, and an alienation which brings about withdrawal. Life gets into a dull rhythm and the repetitive nature of routine is spiced by those quiet moments of stimulation. Maybe sex, porn, or drugs. A life controlled by external forces, and fate based on invisible magic. From this failed attempt at autonomy, you are rendered resentful and left restless, triggering a longing of belonging and the comfort of gang life or similar forms of acceptance that make you feel welcome.

From hunter-gatherer to city dweller, societal evolution is most predictable through humanity's smooth ingenuity. Archeologists claim it started in the Middle East, those simple prehistoric desert people who couldn't predict the consequences of their own knowledge. Forensic techniques appear in the most unexpected places with link-ups to the edges of the solar system, a spacetime void of scriptured record or simply America's existence, and in this an absence a glimmer to the end times.

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Dosing sports drinks with ketamine will get your subject to fully "veg out." It's flavorless so it can be added to tap or bottled water and go unnoticed. It becomes about access to sports bottles at the gym. Out of your control is the administration, as you can add your calculations but if it's rapidly consumed your victim may collapse on the workout floor. Any delayed response to consuming the water has her succumbing on the way home or alone on her apartment's floor. For the homeless it is easily added to the plastic water bottles that are handed out by volunteers. The trick is in getting them to drink water. A synergistic effect occurs when added to alcohol, with Angel Dust-like results. There are certain sub-cultures of nightlife goers who will knowingly dose themselves into what is commonly described as "oblivion."

When America was founded it was not by superficial and deviant Europeans but by Puritans who thanked their almighty God upon arrival to the new world's soil. Folks without a sorrow for lack of hope, those who rose again in the metaphorical awakening of Jesus. In an ascension that precedes the death of Him Himself, the comfort in the words of knowing the voice of angels awaited in the westward manifest destiny.

Traumatized children experience self-blame on any number of levels. Commonly they find comfort in it, often clinging to being bad when everywhere they look good behavior is being rewarded. Chronic abuse will continually reinforce the notion that your inner-badness is nothing more than scapegoating for the adults in your life. You may be blamed for the domestic violence in your house or other family misfortunes, like sexual misconduct committed out of frustration. Intergenerational trauma will be passed from one generation to the next with a legendary familial patina, like naming a child Junior or the III.

We may rightly defend ourselves and those most vulnerable among us but without acting in revengeful ways, like holding up a fogged-out mirror to our own behaviors, doing as our enemies do, from the imprisonment of our anger and distrust. Safety ends when the indiscriminate violence begins. Reconciliation can be sought through channels of refusing revenge or some form of adoration for a higher being that honors the idea that what has happened was not meant for victim status as you are the victor. A suspended indoctrination or brainwashing may be required to get there but the end justification represents the moral inversion.

Necessity changes more frequently than a trueness to virtues, while in this lies the paradox of human evolution and the well-designed safeguards that have gotten us to this point now. We get rigid under the threat of extinction, or the pressures of existential fears like an environment destined for catastrophe in a world somehow made unlivable by man. When we return to our nomad minds we embrace our skill set for adaption, and the obstacles begin to fall apart, revealing new gifts for old treaties.

Fragmentation is a central component of personality organization. The drawback is the inability to integrate knowledge, emotional states, memory, and bodily feelings. A shutting down of the development of independence within a connection to others, and most importantly to yourself, often resulting from a traumatic trance formed off of the desire to return to a more tender state.

Transference is when she might recoil from a small touch or grazing of an affectionate fingertip along her elbow. Almost as if you are molesting her, leaving you on edge for the perception of your own motivations, and the transferring of you as a lover to some past abuser. You may not feel safe here because of the defense mechanisms. Triggers to the flashbacks may be all too real and re-evaluation may need reassembly to seek any semblance of resolution.

Memories will infiltrate subsequent relationships and the stronger the emotional conviction the greater the need will be for a rescuer. Someone omnipotent, often a one-night stand, or a therapist, even a stranger for whom they become fixated upon. In this idealization is a false sense of perfection, that anything else will lead to additional abandonment. There is no room for human error or intolerance, only a desperate rage for the pre-abandonment. And the cycle back to a need for revenge and high risk behavior which may include gender violence and rape.

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Consciousness they say is based on pressure. It could be a throbbing vertigo that goes away when your eyes are closed or the pre-black out from erotic asphyxia. When you go so hard you take it to the borderland where your responsive form no longer exists. Throbbing ebbs and flows of disembodiment, teetering on the edge, seeking even more intensity. In the muted warmth to her, the duct tape across her mouth, her nostrils flared not out of anger, you suppose, but out of a more visceral breathing. Techniques she learned in yoga. Victorious breath, ocean breath, alternate-nostril breathing. In this heightened nirvana attainment she wetted herself, perhaps confused by her surroundings or to-be-determined fate. Panic in her eyes waned to apparent surrender, as you gaze at her body for an inviting concession. Her restrained hands let on that she wanted nothing more than to massage her reeling skull. You rub her scalp to relieve the tension, and adjust her body sideways with more garden pillows, grazing your hand the length of her heightened hip, cupping her left butt cheek. You tug on the severed wire of the trunk's escape pull cord out of manic paranoia. The side walls and hatch are spacious, you want to climb inside and spoon her but refrain because of the potential DNA spatter field, and the FUCKING MACHINE you will gift her is still in the box, and against her backside. An amber dim of the parking lights backlight her silhouette and the ajar sports bra distracts from what now sets off a comedown fantasy.

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Ideological creation is manifested in the external, between your eyes and the touch of your hands. It is about detached perception and pure thoughts of a gesture for your genre and an ideological material world in the superstructural relations between masks of contradictions. Compromise in the ethnographic bringing about a broader solidarity of self-confidence acquiescing in trajectory to the radical. In the foundation of your libido is expression of infiltrated impulses that blend the sexuality of eroticism with that of aggression, hate and love. Resulting in a confusing quixotic blend that involves all five senses and triggers bodily functions and conventional forbidden zones. It's what causes the guilt you have for feeling this way, and the confusion in how something so wrong can seem so right. New regards for violence or other impulses arrive, appearing stranger in the abstract but explosively clear in the libidinal mind.

Shell shocked by the constant bombardment of survivor after-effects, and the missing tool of the match to light the inferno to destroy it all, suffocation arrives in the paralysis of the martyrdom with you cast as the forgotten soldier in the renaming of civilization or loose banter of insanity and other sociocultural concepts, when you project your mindful awareness of the multiplicity of self, as someone who no longer fits in. Self-models not linking to the reality-models, and that disconnect of subpersonalities jarring you into the insanity label, accepting reality on the mirroring from the outside world regardless of your global brain.

Conformity as a sign of identity, when the minds of witnesses continue the conscious experience the questions will plague the mind, like who am I and what am I doing here? You stay alert from trying to make sense of the surrounding world, while escaping the criticism and scrutiny for not fitting in. Efforts to achieve identity through the anonymity of an unremarkable life, even shame from the signal for the impoverishment, furthering a restricted inner world of moral codes dulled by fear of self-discovery leaving your confines built on rubble.

The brochure was printed on linen cardstock with a polya font over astrobright teal and framed behind glass like a restaurant menu:

Have you ever told yourself any of the following:

*I have tried unsuccessfully to spend less time on the internet

*I spend less time with friends or family because I choose to spend my time online

*I find myself surfing the internet without any purpose or interest

*I am bothered when I cannot get online

*I have foregone sleep or food because of the internet

In response to the overwhelming demand for internet addiction treatment, the Luddite Society for Ambient Addiction was founded with a signature 10-day inpatient program.

Welcome to Internet Rehab.

"It can be compared to food addiction in that you are learning new ways of eating, because with food you cannot fully abstain, the same goes for internet access."

"Like any addiction it affects us all. It could be your kids but it could also be your grandmother, it could be anyone."

Similar to most addictions, internet addiction is usually dual diagnosed with another psychiatric condition such as obsessive-compulsive disorder, anxiety or depression.

Patients first undergo a 72-hour detox of all digital devices and access to the internet. After this digital pause, technology can then slowly be reintroduced with an established behavioral modification plan. With monitoring, this may mean access to a laptop for an hour per day. The idea is to reprogram social skills while weaning off of the devices. Some of the treatment methods may include the 12 steps, mindfulness stress reduction, CBT, and even relapse prevention.

Message from our Founder: "Modern forms of technology are as addictive as the most aggressive drugs, and if you expose yourself to them continuously they will pull you the way a drug does. It will be continuous and you will not know when it has stopped serving you and overtaken your life. When that happens internet rehab is your best chance at survival. You must ask yourself, how much technology is enough?"

The end of the world may end up as nothing more than a wholesale internalized simulation of inverted detachment from the equilibrium when the mind is fulfilled at last but the physical realm is outweighed by the exiting of a transitional matrix, yet another archetypal formation of abstract interactions of sporadic ecstatic moods, that of newly-gained knowledge for the mysteries of life, of visual hallucinations and mythological delusions before the disorganization of the psychosis, further disturbances from speech patterns and a discontinuous transcendental consciousness. The final act may be genetically patterned with a meme-structured adherence to customs, language, and symbols, disseminating a handicapped resistance to the failed collective homogeny.

Private self observes the defensive measures of preservation aided by coherence and a continuity of self from the trauma toward the distance, heading off a regulation of countertransference, when drowning in a sea of words that have no meaning outside of the context of your own surrender, bringing about a social compliance fatigue before you give in to the intrusion. Fantasies of omnipotence are played out in the acting up of self-origination, imagining each other as androgynous gods who gave birth to ourselves, because that way there is no prior precedent to the illusion.

SAVED TO DRAFTS:

We are your sons and husbands, daughters and wives, with regular families and beautiful children. Some of the victims deserved to be silenced, but your subjective (mediated) mind will not be open to this concept. There is an indescribable satisfactory completion to the past events, where I finished the job, but for Eileen. She is still alive and resting in the trunk of my car, please go get her now. I question if the devil was born in me because I could not help what I did. I saw the hopeful future in many of them but also wanted to see their demise at my hands. I want you to know what I have done, not just the kills, but all the near misses. Those daunting moments of high drama played out in public spaces where a split cause resulted in a different effect. You can decide if this letter should be published for all to read as it's no longer a warning because from this moment forward my "crimes" end. I invite you to arrive at your own conclusions by the means of confessional letter interpretation for any important clues or omissions. See you in Disneyland.

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As you were the newest guest of the center, you were tasked with arranging the mocktails. The keto virgin julep consisted of club soda, sweet and sour mix, and muddled mint leaves, dropped into a highball glass. Served on the rocks and garnished with a mint sprig. The teaspoon dosing of phenobarbital is tasteless but to be safe you add a drop of organic sucrolose. A headcount of 26 residents and staff includes yourself. The afternoon poolside meet-up for many was to celebrate 100 days of digital sobriety, and for at least a dozen of them it would be their last full day at Luddite Society for Ambient Addiction. You diligently made sure everyone in attendance had a drink before the toasts could begin. From a mother of three who lost a hundred pounds in the process of unplugging and removing sugar from her diet, "I arrived broken and helpless. My plan was to get clean, detox, and go back to my old ways, but as I got deeper into my stay I realized there was more to life, and I cannot thank you enough for the genuine, loving care I received from day one. You are the warmest and calming staff." Or from the laid off dad of toddler twins who was arrested after firing eight rounds into the air in the parking lot of a Target while his kids watched from the shopping cart, "I am an addict. I have been abusing the internet for years, so my body doesn't know anything else. My family had given up on me. The detox protocol is amazing as I thought I would be much sicker at the end of it. I've made progress here and am exalted in my sobriety." And this, from a self-proclaimed "lifelong impostor" who is on her eighth and final session of tattoo removal, "It wasn't easy for me to recognize how unmanageable my life had become, but somehow it led me to treatment. After these 100 days, I look forward to in-patient aftercare to continue on the righteous path and healing with my family."

Investigative reports of who was in the compound were compiled from bank documents and DMV records, mortgages and student records. Nothing unified the group other than the small window of age. These could have been your friends, neighbors, lovers. Investigators looked hard for something amiss like a lone bad character, yet they couldn't produce anything past a DUI arrest record. These were people with so much to live for and to commit this act didn't seem fathomable. And that was the intrigue. The story picked up steam and within 24 hours was of national focus, 48 hours later it was leading the news in England and Australia. There was a collective solidarity with these people, that with some fateful misstep it could have been you succumbing to such a doomed ending.

POSTSCRIPT

Internet addiction is nevertheless virtually absent from public discourse. Often treated as an anomaly, or a societal problem affiliated with other afflictions, any aversions toward acknowledging that internet addiction is rampant in society is to discredit the users as lacking control. Normative models applied to the internet and its users tend to find information-intense individuals who engage in knowledge exchange and retrieval. Yet studies of internet addiction reveal most consumers are inspired by alternative practices which challenge the commercial and generic aspects of the interwebs, and the boundaries of what is desirable and undesirable. Non-normative self-representations may reveal futuristic versions of what is to come and question the ensuing health of the 'net, and the framing of its trends toward predictable algorithms and away from the organic avant-garde. More explicit representations bring elements that pull from every day practice toward a more forbidden status, that curious appeal processed as sediments of enjoyment and lingering fringe status. You as the imagined sexual deviant or perverted criminal, even casual serial killer. Anonymous marginality played out with a running meta-narrative that buttresses the kink from the vanilla, and a haunting presence of an ever-blurred existence in the digital vulnerability and hyperbole for performance. It is this mirroring that legitimizes the promises of impermeable and willing partners, those visual delights of amazement and wonderment, with your desire taking front stage while overshadowing all other elements involved. Scavenger methodology, the troubling below ness you find online, absorbed multiplicity of complicated notions, correspondences, libidinal rushes and new alt-considerations for your own aberrations, all foreground features in yesterday's snapshot of tomorrow's internet, the never-tiring eighth wonder of the world.

POSTSCRIPT II

Life is enhanced through acting. Studying human behavior brings about a heightened awareness for compassion, personal awareness, and the phenomenon of being alive. There is no better way to learn about yourself than through the analysis of your audience, either close up or from a distance. It is from them that you gain a better sense of what you bring to the table, and how to unlock dormant creative impulses. Freeing up suppressed playfulness and insight of how you can best bond with them, while coming into the understanding of connections between you and others, and how to best use your audience to solidify your performance and the ability to better present your life, before the locks were put on your imagination.

Acknowledgments:

For her enormous heart and compassion, my wife. She provides for a wonderful life that affords me a great gift, that of time to write.

About the Author:

American writer Tennison Long is the author of Glorious Verve, When We Ran The Master Plan, Of Tribe & Empire, and On Becoming Yesterday's Actors. He likes to take his readers on a psychological thrill ride, blending the macabre with the sublime while sewing seams of mental confusion with emotional clarity. He offers a uniquely imagined prose that sustains moments of sputtering haunted brilliance. He lives in Northern California and would love to hear from you.

Visit his website at www.tennisonlong.com

