- Oh my god, she's a woman!
(sighs)
(playful music)
Hey everybody, I'm Miz Cracker.
I'm called that because I'm thin,
and I'm very white, and I'm very salty.
I've been doing drag for seven years.
Just like everyone in America
that is doing makeup today,
I learned from YouTube a little bit,
I learned from the people around me,
and I just brought it all
together to be my look.
We're gonna start with my favorite part,
the industrial strength chemicals.
I'm using the alcohol to remove the oil
from my oil-rich skin.
This is only something that you should do
if you don't care about your body.
Next up, I'm gonna pull my face back.
Better to look young than anything else,
so we are going to turn back time.
I'm gonna take this duct tape,
and I'm gonna lay the foundation
for a Ace Hardware facelift.
I'm also providing a solid base for me
to pin my wig to later on.
People are like, "How do you keep
the duct tape from pulling out your hair?"
You don't. (chuckles)
I always say my face
in drag is like a drum,
because it is taught and it is beat, girl.
It's time to delete the boy
face that you see before you
so I have a blank canvas
to make a lady upon.
To hide my eyebrows I start with some
basic extra-strength Elmer's school glue.
I use the clear kind because
it's less water soluble.
It'll stay on longer when I'm sweating.
I'm taking a lice comb
and combing my eyebrow directly upward.
So many of the products for drag
are regular household products.
There's a saying in the drag world
that Covergirl does not cover boy,
and that means you cannot
usually use lady products
to do a drag queen's job.
That's why I'm using this super-strength,
ultra opaque Kryolan TV
Paint Stick to cover my face.
Right now I'm color-correcting.
The opposite of blue on
the color wheel is orange.
My beard is blue, hashtag blue beard.
Now I'm using Airspun powder
(playful music)
to set my color correction.
The eyebrows, when they're dry,
they should just feel bone
dry, hard to the touch.
If you have any question
about their being moist,
don't go in there, just leave
them alone for a minute.
I'm gonna go in here
and cover up my visage.
That's French for face.
Alright, I'm using a
expensive but worth it,
just like me, beauty blender right now.
I used to think that the more,
the better when it came to foundation,
but really that's not the case.
Use as little as you can.
When I paint my face I
always follow my bones
to orange, cherry, lemon, and lime.
So I'm gonna take this, and I'm gonna go
right underneath my actual cheekbone,
make these nice, ugly marks here
right underneath my actual jawline.
I'm just feeling along that bone there.
From the front, this
contour looks like a shadow,
but if you bring it up here,
it just looks like a mustache.
You're trying to push in
here to create a slender,
small face and make it look like
your cheekbones are out farther.
It's like basically taking your jawline
and putting a little black
dress on it. It's slimming.
I have Eastern European eyebrows.
I'm gonna put a couple
layers of foundation on here.
I'm gonna set this foundation
a little bit with powder here.
She's about to go from
Frodo to Gollum here.
Ready?
Sheblam.
Giving you "Deep Space Nine" Odo realness.
I have a big dude forehead.
Like I have a nine-head,
it's not even a forehead.
It's huge.
So I'm carving it down by
putting these shadows here.
Now it is time for me to
make myself into a Shiksa
by carving this Jew nose down.
This is the most important part
of the drag process for me,
because you're really building a new face.
This is your foundation, literally.
My nose runs diagonally across my face,
so I'm gonna mess with nature a little bit
and draw my nose highlight
a little off from where
it should be, so that it looks
like my nose is straight.
Stereotypically, women
have more fat tissue
beneath the skin of their faces,
so I'm giving that illusion
by highlighting up here
and making it look like my cheekbones,
my cheeks, are a little bit fuller.
Alright.
Now it's time for the nose contour.
We're gonna turn this hot
dog into a Vienna sausage.
You ready?
Then make it a little shorter
by putting a shadow at the bottom.
Sheblam.
I don't know if this blend delivers food,
but she's seamless. Alright.
Here we got it, we got the base,
and you know I'm all about that bass.
Next up, we're gonna put on some eyebrows.
This is my favorite part.
I'm gonna take some dots,
map some things out.
I want my eyebrow to start right above
the inside corner of my eye,
and I want it to bend
right above the iris.
I'm gonna connect the dots.
Then it's time to run them out,
because I want my eye socket
and my whole eye to look bigger.
We wanna go for the Anne Hathaway,
Mrs. Potatohead look,
you know what I mean?
My favorite kind of makeup is free.
Okay, we're gonna put
some texture in here.
I wanna give these little eyebrow hairs.
I invented this.
I'm the only person in
America that does this.
We're gonna use an Anastasia
Beverly Hills eyebrow palette,
because they really just
are the best eyebrow colors.
I like a nice bold shape.
I am not trying to convince
you that I am a woman.
I'm trying to convince
you that I'm a drag queen.
Okay, eyebrows stick out from your face.
They're hair, so we're
gonna add dimension.
The eyebrow is darker at the bottom,
and the middle is a little lighter.
Just like Cher said in "Burlesque,"
she was like, "It's like your an artist,
expect for instead of
painting on a canvas,
you're painting your face."
This is called clown
white. How appropriate.
The eye is drawn to contrast.
So I wanna put the most
contrast on my face
right around my eyeballs.
So we'll go from these highlights here,
and then work our way down to the wings.
So we're gonna carve down
our little eye socket here.
The next step is the wings.
We're just drawing a line between
the corner of our eye and
the end of our eyebrow.
When you do your face, just eyeball it.
Don't try to use anything
to make it actually perfect.
She is a paint by numbers
queen like Andy Warhol.
Now the most important part of this
is for me to just not sneeze.
Okay, we're using Anastasia
Beverley Hills contouring kit.
I'm using this nice
banana yellow highlight.
Oh, she looks like a woman.
My makeup is kind of like
Matt Damon's acting career.
If you just glance at it,
you're like pretty good,
If you look closely, you're like hmmm.
Let's give a highlight to the lower lid
just to give the sense that
the eye's a little bit open,
more open.
This is just a little
liquid white eyeliner.
I got some on my eyeball.
See how the eye, there's
more contrast around my eye.
Alright, the lashes are the 3D element
that turns your face from a
painting into a sculpture.
Some queens use Duo,
that's why their lashes
fall off their face.
I use weave glue, strong enough
for a man, made for a woman.
The lashes are really the most
important part of the face.
I make my own Franken-lashes
out of a bunch of lashes
that have qualities that I like.
Ping, now the lip liner.
That's a little line where
the fine muscles of your lips
meet the fine flat muscles of your face.
Can you see that little bump right there?
That is where I draw the line.
(playful music)
Nothing a queen likes more than shimmer,
maybe a paycheck.
Just try to use colors
that make the same noise.
Don't use a lip liner that's like (cheers)
and a lipstick that's like oh.
Oh, there she is, she's a lady.
It's time for me to
put on my god damn wig.
Alright, I'm using what's
called Mastix P from Kryolan.
It is the best spirit gum.
I'm gonna prepare the
area with some isopropyl,
removing the makeup here so that
the spirit gum has a
nice place to hold on.
This wig is by Wigs and Grace.
I usually make my own
wigs, but now I'm busy.
I'm taking the lace,
I'm putting it in the
middle of my forehead,
and I'm hitching it back
over my god damn skull.
Oh my god, she's a woman!
The wig is truly like for me the most
wonderful part of being a drag queen.
Look at that, she's a woman.
Just a subtle pair of
brunch earrings, you know?
Oh my goodness, she looks so good.
I'm Miz Cracker, and I have
just given you a tutorial
on how to become a real business woman,
hashtag Erin Brokovich.
Sheblam.
Hashtag Erin Brokeovich.
Bam.
I'm so glad that I got
to do this with you,
this is what a real woman
looks like everybody,
just so you know. (laughs)
Yes, it is so much fun to do makeup,
and it is wonderful to feel beautiful.
But remember that that work
starts on the inside with joy.
If you're not happy, you're
not gonna be beautiful.
So start with the happiness,
then work on the makeup.
And whatever you do, get
out of the god damn house
and make some people happy.
That's your job as a drag queen.
Sheblam.
