 
# An

# Alternate Awareness

### A Neurological Basis for

### Unveiling the Original Egoless Self

Copyright © 2014 Gregory H. Wlodarski

All Rights Reserved.

Edition: 2014

For

Jessica and Jennifer

For

all those who helped me

on my own path of discovery

For

all those who have recognized the illusion

and are ready to see beyond it
Table of Contents

Preface

Introduction

Part I – Illusion and Reality

1. Subjective vs. Objective

Subjective Perception

Objective Awareness

Conventional vs. Deliberate Awareness

2. Terminology

3. The Brain

Functional Areas

Experimental Data

Summary

4. Origin of Ego

Spontaneous Activity

Groundlessness

Conditioning

Irrationality

Emotion

Reassigning Primary Imperatives

Birth of Ego

Final Thoughts

5. Spectrum of Ego

Introduction

Three Patterns

Pathology

Part II – Developing Objective Awareness

6. The Process

Introduction

Caution

Final Thoughts

7. Preparation

Simplify Your Life

Postures

8. Meditation

Introduction

Practical Points

Body Awareness

Breathing Awareness

Detached Self-Awareness

Choiceless Global Awareness

Lovingkindness

Final Thoughts

9. Mindfulness

Introduction

Action Awareness

Detached Self-Awareness

Global Awareness

Lovingkindness

Final Thoughts

10. Letting Go

Detachement

Removing Obstacles

Releasing Tenacious Thoughts

Avoiding Traps

11. Your Practice

Preparing

Step One

Step Two

Step Three

Step Four

Step Five

Continuing the Practice

12. A Final Perspective

Your Life

The Practice

Part III – A Personal Story

13. The Author

Bibliography

#  Preface

Books presenting the concept of an alternate awareness often do so by describing a series of qualities, such as impermanence, connectivity, transcendence, oneness, and emptiness. As these are defined intellectually, they are more likely to be understood intellectually, but they can only be fully appreciated within the framework of an awareness that is fundamentally different than one "normally" experienced. Furthermore, authors may ask the reader to think or perceive in a way for which the reader's mind is not yet prepared, such as "letting go" or "stilling the mind." It's challenging for a mind to suddenly think or perceive in a quiet, introspective, or egoless fashion, when it has been conditioned by culture and mental habits to reinforce its own egocentricity and impulsive thoughts. This is similar to describing snow to a Pacific Islander or the third dimension to the resident of a fictional two-dimensional universe.

Additionally, what I've read about meditation seemed to stress the practice or result of meditation without discussing its relationship to brain function. Furthermore, these books didn't seem to put as much emphasis on mindfulness and letting go as I thought the development of this alternate awareness required. Or, they obscured explanations in veils of metaphors or euphemisms. Or perhaps, I was just too dense to see what the authors were saying. So, for everyone as dense as me, I wrote this book.

In this book, I describe the origin of the ego and present arguments for the existence of an egoless alternate awareness. I introduce the reader to brain structure and function as well as present various studies involving brain scans to bolster the case that there is a neurological basis for the two types of awareness, egocentric and egoless. Furthermore, I discuss the neurological changes associated with mind training through meditation and mindfulness.

Lastly, I give a detailed description of techniques for meditation, mindfulness, and letting go. These will help decondition the mind from previous thought patterns to facilitate the development of an alternate awareness. Thus, readers can wake up to their own underlying egoless awareness. This alternate state of awareness can then be experienced, and the qualities described above can be fully understood.

Those readers wanting an in-depth explanation of the phenomena involved with ego formation and the mechanisms involved with developing this egoless awareness can start with Chapter 1. Those readers who wish to begin the process by immediately learning the techniques of meditation, mindfulness, and letting go can go directly to Chapter 6.

#  Introduction

The purpose of this book is to suggest that our commonly held perception of reality and self is an illusion. This illusion originates in early childhood because of the immaturity of our minds and persists throughout adulthood because of cultural conditioning. I call this perception subjective because it is influenced by egocentric motivations and perspectives. Being acquired in childhood, this illusory subjective awareness is superimposed on a more fundamental alternate perception of self and reality, an objective awareness without the influence of ego.

The duality of our perceptual options, overtly subjective and subtly objective, is most easily demonstrated by the duality of the stereogram (Figure 1), where the obvious, meaningless, chaotic picture obscures a less obvious but meaningful one. In subjective awareness, the overt feeling of "I" or "me" obscures the subtle yet full awareness of every moment.

For a few viewers of a stereogram, simply pointing out that there is a picture within the picture is enough to make the hidden image instantly visible. Others, however, must be told how to adjust their eyes to see the picture within. For still others, this is not enough. They must train their eyes to acquire the skill to adjust their vision and, eventually, perceive the previously imperceptible. This is similar to perception and awareness. Just as seeing the hidden image requires us to reset the focus of our eyes, living with objective awareness requires us to reset the focus of our attention. (A clue to the stereogram that follows is given at the end of the bibliography section of this book.)

# Part I - Illusion and Reality

# 1. Subjective vs. Objective

## Subjective Perception

From the moment of waking, there is a feeling of a self that permeates each moment, initiates a thought, drives a will, and experiences emotion. This self-identity defines its wants and needs and makes judgments throughout the day. It's this self that's felt to interact with reality, but this perception is not invariable.

Most people have experienced alternate perceptions of self and reality: the slowing of time during an undesirable or boring experience, the acceleration of time during a pleasing experience, self-consciousness during a public appearance or while being berated by a supervisor, and the "zone" of an athlete during extreme exercise or the hobbyist immersed in his or her activity. Such experiences suggest just how malleable our perceptions of reality and self are and how much they are influenced by our thoughts, emotions, and the targets under the spotlight of our attention. Beyond the different perceptions of self and reality, each person creates inner monologues regarding self-worth, likes and dislikes, as well as a series of "could'ves," "would'ves," and "should'ves" that swirl like newly poured cream in black coffee, reinforcing this sense of self, the ego.

The ego gives rise to the passions that power our ambitions and motivate our choices and behaviors. The passions of the ego demand satisfaction, which leads to actions that may counter personal ethics or ignore the needs of others. It is the ego that maintains emotional states long after the stimulus for the emotion has passed, maintaining emotional echoes that interfere with awareness, clouding reason and judgments, and affecting choices and behaviors.

In reality, the ego is a complex system of intrusive thoughts, memories, and mental habits that have been learned from childhood and sustained by repetition and culture. The ego encompasses two mutually reinforcing phenomena. One phenomenon is self-identity, the feeling of an individual self, the "I." The other is the process of self-referencing, the over-personalized experience of reality and repeating thoughts, feelings, and any internalized positive and negative messages of self-worth, including one's inner monologue. One analogy for the relationship of the two phenomena, self-identity and self-referencing, is a line drawing of a face. The lines, each distinct and separate from the others, form an image while the image gives each line its special significance.

The ego has no physical representation, being only a swirl of thoughts and memories, yet it can be injured and needs to be protected. It can be neglected and needs to be gratified. When an individual is insulted, humiliated, or threatened, the emotions of fear or anger arise, emotions originally triggered by impending physical harm. Because everyone shares this subjective experience, it's considered a natural consequence of being alive, and if it makes one feel happy without negatively affecting others, it's considered healthy. The fact that there's an entire profession dedicated to the healing and maintenance of a well-adjusted ego is testimony to the acceptance of the phenomenon of ego.

The purpose of this text is to show that ego is neither natural nor healthy, and it is only one perceptual option with which to experience reality - one that should be considered nothing more than an intermediate stage before reaching the clear, egoless perception of objective awareness.

## Objective Awareness

Objective awareness is as different from the subjective "normal" as sobriety is from intoxication, or as the clear wakefulness of midday is different from the grogginess of a midnight awakening. Objective awareness is not a different perspective or opinion. It's not the acquisition of new information or knowledge. Nor is it a system of beliefs. It's a new way of seeing and experiencing reality and self. It's an awareness of reality being one with the moment without an internal dialog, fears, uncertainties, passions, or self-interest, which like back-seat drivers, distract or interfere with seeing and experiencing the moment at hand. It's the awareness of an athlete in the "zone" or the immersion of a hobbyist, but unlike the athlete or hobbyist, objective awareness continues in every moment of the day.

Objective awareness is the consequence of deconditioning the mind from its acquired habits of thinking and perceiving from the perspective of a distinct self. In objective awareness, thoughts and emotions may come uninvited, but they are experienced as transient waves that come and go, leaving awareness undisturbed by any echoes of those intrusions. In this awareness, emotions are an accessory, not an influencing or disabling force; decisions flow like the next verse of a well-known poem, and movement flows like a well-practiced dance.

With objective awareness, there is no need to maintain an image of self. Nor is there a need to protect or gratify the ego. The individual who has achieved egoless objective awareness is immune from insults and cured from any tendency to belittle others or glorify the self. Objective awareness facilitates the application of rational thought and the spontaneous expression of true and proportional emotions. Yet, it prevents having overwhelming emotions in the setting of an insignificant event, while still being able to express wholesome and appropriate emotions to life's various perturbations.

Although most of us have temporarily experienced the objective reality of the athlete's "zone" or hobbyist's concentration, we all have the potential to make this a permanent experience. However, this almost never occurs without training. In all but the most exceptional cases, the development of objective awareness requires deliberate and sustained effort with guidance. This deliberate effort is similar to the acquisition of language. Without exposure to the spoken word, we would still be grunting, as do feral children deprived of human contact. Thanks to a deliberate maturation process that includes language training, we master speech and communication. Similarly, whether in childhood or adulthood, objective awareness requires training and consistent practice

## Conventional vs. Deliberate Awareness

One can rightly ask what makes one perception more legitimate than another. One can certainly claim that "conventionally occurring" ego-centered subjective perception is the only legitimate one since it is the perception held by the vast majority of humans without any deliberate effort or training. This argument, however, is as valid as suggesting that the babbling of a toddler is preferred to acquiring language since babbling comes naturally while language requires exposure, instruction, and practice.

The legitimacy of one perception over another is not a question of right or wrong, natural or learned. It's a question of which is the preferred perception. This question can best be answered by assessing the consequences of the perceptions themselves.

Conventional subjective perception produces a sense of self that must be protected, appeased, gratified, and shown deference. These motivations lead to individual behaviors that can be destructive for the individual or environment. The tenacious echoes of emotions and memories, born from and reinforced by the ego, linger well beyond their usefulness to interfere with rational thoughts and behavior. Anxiety, depression, and anger are common consequences of an ego intruding on awareness and lead to maladaptive behaviors all their own. Although all mental illness cannot be completely explained by subjective egocentric thinking, most cases of depression and anxiety in the otherwise functioning individual likely arise from and are maintained by excess attention to the self. Strife between two people, acts for the sake of saving face, crime of any sort, and destruction of habitat (from forests to neighborhoods) for the sake of profit, power, or self-expression are consequences of an ego in need of satisfying an unquenchable thirst.

There are undeniably those who have well-balanced ego-centered perceptions of reality and a self-identity that does not invade the priorities of the moment. They are happy, have successful lives, and live harmoniously with others and within their environment. They represent a small minority, however, most likely being the fortunate consequence of optimal biology and parenting.

Unlike subjective perception, objective awareness is the ability to experience reality without the intrusion of egocentric needs, expectations, or preconceptions. This perception is one where awareness and reason remain clear and unobstructed, where emotions are experienced then let go, where the interconnectedness of the one with the many and with the environment is obvious. The eventual outcome of objective awareness is the ready application of reason and a tranquility that's in harmony with one's circumstances, community, and environment. This harmony exists independent from circumstances, relationships, or economics. It is harmony, after all, that is the fundamental element most of us strive for in our lives.

This is not to suggest that objective awareness is devoid of emotional experience or expression. It is not the exclusively logical experience associated with the fictional character Mr. Spock from Star Trek. Egolessness simply removes the attention to and value for the self from the experience. Emotions are felt and expressed honestly and fully, but without the exaggeration fueled by ego.

In egoless objective awareness, there is no need to bemoan the loss of ego-pleasing messages of pride, satisfaction, flattery, self-esteem, admiration, and the like. When one recognizes that it is the ego that desires these ego-enhancing pleasures, the subversive, self-serving nature of the ego becomes obvious. In the absence of an ego, no loss is perceived. In place of these momentary ego-soothing pleasures are tranquility and marveling at the specialness that surrounds us.

One needn't be born a musician to play a musical instrument nor an artist to paint a canvas. Similarly, one needn't be born a shaman, mystic, or guru to transform one's perception from the subjective to egoless objective awareness. With time and practice, the brain can remold itself to confer to the individual this new view of the world and self. As with learning to dance or to speak a new language, it all comes down to consistent practice, day after day, moment to moment.

The remaining chapters in this section present the structures and functions of the brain responsible for the illusion of self and support my assertion that ego is a mental habit ready to be abandoned. The material here will show that ego should be viewed as a transitional stage of mental maturation, which by persisting interferes with or suspends further mental development.

#  2. Terminology

There are several terms that are used here whose meanings may be different from those a casual reader or someone schooled in psychology may hold.

Psychology defines psyche as the center for individual thought, emotions, and behavioral motivations at the level of awareness and beneath (conscious and subconscious). Classical psychology delineates three elements of the psyche: id, superego, and ego. The id is that element that defines and drives self-satisfying priorities. The superego is that element that defines an individual's moral imperatives, which are largely learned from cultural and social experiences. The ego (as defined in psychology) is that element that projects the self and defines a satisfactory compromise between the two other elements, id and superego.

Analytical psychology divides the psyche into different parts. The ego is that element that interacts with reality. The subconscious is that element that is beyond awareness but which influences thoughts and behaviors. The self is considered the fundamental element of being, analogous to the psyche.

The term ego, as used by me and other writers dealing with the topic of alternate states of consciousness, most closely approaches what psychology calls the psyche, the combination of id, superego, and ego, or the sum of the conscious ego and the subconscious. The single term ego is used here to encompass them all because, though they manifest different influences, they are all acquired layers of thoughts in the form of memories, emotions, and drives that intervene between awareness and reality. From this point on, the meaning of the term ego, as used by me, will reflect this convention.

Egocentricity refers to the tendency to value the ego above all else, and to relate and rate the experiences of realty from the perspective of the ego for the benefit of the ego.

Self and self-identity refer to the perception of a separate being from all else, the entity that is felt to be a distinct actor on the stage of reality, the "I" or "me."

Self-referencing refers to all the habitually deliberate mental acts that relate events to the ego and bring attention to the self-identity. This includes judging, captioning, or reliving events, and the excessive value placed on an experience for the self. The opposite of self-referencing is awareness of the moment without superfluous comment.

While self-referencing is a deliberate mental act, attachment is the automatic attention to the self-identity and the attitude that directs a bias in all experiences toward the sense of the "I" or "me" the ego. This means personalizing experiences and focusing on wants, needs, emotions, pain, and pleasure. Attachment does not involve all likes and wants, just those that emanate from and feed the ego. It is the feeling one usually experiences when noticing an alluring stare, hearing criticism, being given an award or punishment, or experiencing physical or emotional pain or pleasure.

Detachment is the process of letting go of attachments. Detachment directs attention toward the elements of the moment, the here and now. In so doing, it redirects awareness away from the self and any personal value or emotion that is routinely projected onto an experience. It is the impersonal, uninvolved experience of self with the same impersonal, uninvolved perception of looking at a tree, a cloud, or a sofa cushion. (Detachment is more fully discussed in Chapter 10.)

Subjectivity, as used here, refers to the altered perception of reality and self, created and maintained by the ego.

Egolessness and objective awareness are synonymous and describe the state of experiencing reality and self without the intrusion of egocentric thoughts or attachments. There are several degrees of egolessness:

  * An intellectual understanding

  * An impermanent mental state like the temporary awakening from a dream

  * An enduring experience while still separated from the mundane realities of life, such as when a second language is known well enough to speak in but not yet well enough to think in

  * A lasting experience integrated with daily life, such as when a second language becomes as natural as one's native tongue.

No-self is the loss of the self-identity. This is the experience of the moment without an intervening or experiencing self. Action and actor are one. This occurs in deeper levels of egolessness called awakening. It's called awakening because the ego is considered an illusory dream state for a mind asleep to the reality of life.

The states of egolessness and no-self are not analogous to psychosis. The former two states are mindsets that are deliberately cultivated and chosen. They involve a well-functioning mind where the thoughts that contribute to the feeling of self are reduced to the point where untainted awareness comes to the mental foreground. Psychosis, on the other hand, is an involuntary condition, the consequence of a malfunctioning brain and disordered mind. In psychosis, thoughts lack order and cohesion. Since ego is itself a complex pattern of thoughts, the ego is as disordered as all the other thoughts the psychotic mind manufactures. Awareness in this context is a prisoner of the distortions presented to it.

The process of sitting while intensely concentrating yet without thinking is usually referred to as _sitting_ rather than _meditation_ in meditative communities because the term _meditation_ usually refers to thinking deeply about a subject. On the other hand, sitting involves being aware without thinking. However, since the term _meditation_ has been so often applied to "sitting in awareness," the terms _meditation_ and _sitting_ are used here interchangeably.

#  3. The Brain

The purpose of this chapter is to present those brain areas and functions that are relevant to ego formation. To fully describe all areas and their known complex functions would take volumes, but the section that follows is only meant to highlight the anatomic specificity and functional specialization of certain areas within the brain. This is analogous to peering behind the magician's curtain to see that there is no magic at all but rather complex machinery that operates so smoothly as to give the appearance of magic.

The brain is composed of individual nerve cells called neurons that are the fundamental units of the brain. These neurons have thin projections that make contacts, called synapses, with other neurons to form circuits. An impulse travels down the circuit by way of these connections, but that does not mean that every impulse is transmitted, as is the case with a telegraph signal, where each click sent is also received.

Neurons have additional connections to modulating neurons and supportive cells, called glia, which increase or decrease the tendency of a given neuron for transmitting an impulse down the circuit. If the signal to be transmitted is supported by augmenting impulses, it will go on, but if inhibitory impulses are present, that signal will not be allowed to continue. A signal is important enough to be transmitted if, among other things, it is one that has previously occurred with certain regularity down the same path, is associated with a primary imperative (pleasure, pain, or survival), or is associated with an emotional experience. The more often a particular route in a circuit is activated, the more easily its neurons and synapses will transmit an impulse. This is the essence of one type of learning. Conversely, if a circuit has not been activated often enough, its previously facilitated transmissibility will be reduced. This is one type of forgetting.

A simple analogy for the reinforcement of circuits is the flow of rainwater down a hill. The first few trickles select a path of least resistance over the ground. That same path is then followed by subsequent flow, which burrows deeper into the ground. Thus, a route is established for more flow that eventually becomes a river.

A more complex analogy would be traffic moving through city streets. Traffic lights at intersections control the flow of traffic and are influenced by the types of traffic on the intersecting streets: convoys get preference over individual cars, and emergency vehicles get preference over all other traffic. Furthermore, the more often a particular route is taken, the more lanes on that route become available and the longer the lights are green, facilitating the next trip down the same route. Conversely, on a route not taken often enough, lane access will be reduced and traffic lights will turn green less often.

Thus, the behavior of neurons within and between circuits is largely a consequence of how they've been previously used. Therefore, common thinking and behavior are easier to maintain; less common thinking or behavior is harder to continue. In the end, the mind always does more readily what it does more often. Although this consistency makes responding to the same environment more efficient, it makes adapting to new environments or changing established patterns of thought, behavior, or perception more challenging.

## Functional Areas

The various parts of the brain involved with control of blood pressure, breathing, speech, movement, and sensation have been found and are well documented. Most readers will likely be familiar with Figure 2, a diagram of disconnected and distorted body parts showing the areas of the brain that are dedicated to sensations from and movements of those body parts.

 The brain is divided into lobes. The parietal lobe is involved with sensation. The rear part of the frontal lobe is involved with movement. The occipital lobe is involved with vision. Most thinking functions, described earlier and below, involve activity in the prefrontal cortex (in the front part of the frontal lobe).

Less familiar then the brain centers for movement and sensing are the centers devoted to the various functions of thought and the perception of self. Thinking is not a nebulous process but a series of distinct steps that are carried out in specific anatomical locations within the brain. Because of the difficulty of observing thought and defining its components, the brain areas for thought are not yet as well defined as they are for sensation and movement, but significant progress has been made.

For all the various components of thought, there are distinct circuits involved in each. There is one area of the brain devoted to maintaining attention when there are no distractions and another for maintaining attention when distractions are present. One area is involved in deciding what to do; another is involved in deciding the order in which to do them. There is an area to form conclusions or hypotheses and another area to error-check those conclusions or hypotheses. There are areas for imagination, an area for assessing risk, and an area for inhibiting behaviors learned to be socially inappropriate. There is one area for holding onto short-term memory and another to organize memories so that a third area can actually store them as long-term memory. There is an area to elicit emotions and another area for emotional regulation. There is also an area related to thinking about the self in concrete terms and another area for thinking about the self in the abstract.

Because the brain's circuits for processing, regulating, and manifesting the elements of thoughts and emotions are developed differently in different individuals, there are variations of perceptions and behaviors along a wide spectrum. Examples include self-controlled to emotionally labile, extroverted to introverted, politically liberal to politically conservative, self-conscious to lost in the moment, focused on the moment to lost in daydreams, and arrogant to insecure.

In the first decade of the 20th century, Korbinian Brodmann studied the microscopic architecture of the cerebral cortex, or outer brain, and found 52 anatomically distinct areas in the monkey brain (44 in the human), defined by their unique nerve cell architecture. They are now referred to as Brodmann Areas and, over the decades, have been assigned functions. This is not to say that a specific function is limited just to that area or that a given area has only one function.

The functions of many areas of the brain have been clarified because of direct stimulation of the brain, functional MRI examinations (brain scans) in the course of experimental studies, and observations of changes seen after an injury, surgery, or tumor. The descriptive terms below relate to anatomical and functional locations defined through experimental and post-injury observation, while the Brodmann Area designations refer to a microscopic architectural location. While often linked in the literature, the two designations do not perfectly align with the same areas. This difficulty in accurately assigning function to location is in part due to an area having multiple functions, the effects of damage from an accident or disease not exactly corresponding with functions defined by a particular experimental design, the limited resolving ability of functional MRIs (brain scans), and finally, the still-mysterious nature of the brain and the process of thought.

_The amygdala_ is an almond-shaped area located in each of the brain's hemispheres. Its circuits are involved with the emotions of fear, anxiety, anger, and emotional memory. Reports of damage to this area described affected individuals as having feelings of fearlessness and the inability to recognize emotional expressions in others.

_The anterior cingulate cortex (ACC, areas 24, 32, 33)_ is located on the inner, medial, surface of the brain. Its multiple functions include attention, conflict/error resolution in thought processing (e.g., the Stroop effect: saying the color of a printed color word instead of reading that color word. That is, the word "red" printed in green ink would require the correct answer, "green"), deductive reasoning, memory, mental timekeeping, processing movement, and theory of mind (understanding the mental states of others). Reports of damage to this area describe individuals with difficulty in focusing attention when presented with distractions. Functional MRIs done of the brains of persons with exaggerated sensations of pain show reduced activity in this area. Area 32 is thought to be involved in reward-based choice selection and for adjusting thinking to changes in conditions, self-insight, appraisal of negative emotions, and mood regulation. Reports of damage to this area describe individuals with difficulty in making choices and adjusting decision making to changing conditions.

_The posterior cingulate cortex (PCC, areas 23, 31)_ is located on the inner surface and is involved in memory, pain processing, self-referencing, self-monitoring, and modulating attention. Compared to other areas, the posterior cingulate cortex is much less well defined.

_The dorsal medial prefrontal cortex (DM PFC, area 9)*_ is located on the inner surface, and its functions include concrete thoughts of self and rapid error correction during an ongoing process of thought or behavior. Reports of damage to this area describe increased reaction time and errors during rapidly changing conditions. MRI studies show that individuals who have meditated for years have a thicker cortex here than non-meditators.

_The ventral medial prefrontal cortex (VM PFC, also known as the Rostral Prefrontal Cortex, area 10)*_ is located on the inner surface, and its functions include decision making in the setting of uncertainty and helping to make decisions that are not capricious or arbitrary. This area also seems to be involved with inhibiting decisions that counter personal moral values. Additionally, this area is involved in emotional or abstract thoughts of self and in learning desensitization from anxiety-provoking stimuli. Reports of damage to this area describe individuals perceiving previously objectionable activities as acceptable. Another damage report describes an individual who was inappropriately cheerful. MRI studies show that individuals who have meditated for years have a thicker cortex here than non-meditators. The most anterior portion of this area seems to be involved in organizing decisions and actions that have a specific order to them. Damage to this area was reported to cause the inability to complete complex problems.

_The medial prefrontal cortex (areas 9, 10)*_ functions include error detection and thoughts about self, called self-reflection. Reports of damage to the medial prefrontal cortex describe reduced ability to cope with stress. MRI studies show that individuals who have meditated for years have a thicker cortex here than non-meditators.

_The orbital prefrontal cortex (Orb PFC, area 11)*_ is the area of the brain located just over the eyes. Its functions include anticipating emotional responses, empathy, decisions involving uncertainty, controlling choice selection, and reward-based decisions. The area also seems to regulate the social appropriateness of behavior, as damage here was reported to cause impulsive, disinhibited, or uninhibited behavior, such as using profanity, hypersexuality, and gambling. (This doesn't mean the brain evolved an area to control profanity, gambling, or sexuality, but rather to control whatever it learned to be socially inappropriate. Being accepted socially for early humans increased the likelihood of benefiting from social belonging and, therefore, survival. Those that didn't develop this skill were less likely to be accepted socially, so they were left to fend for themselves in a hostile environment to perish or fail to reproduce.)

* _Note: Sources differ on the nomenclature for the medial prefrontal cortical areas. Some sources discuss functions in terms of the entire medial area, and some divide the area further when defining function. Some include the ACC in the medial PFC. Some divide the entire medial area into dorsal (approximating area 9), rostromedial (approximating area 10), and ventral (approximating areas 11 and 12), thus omitting the above-mentioned orbital prefrontal cortex. Since the purpose of this text is to illustrate the functional differentiation of the prefrontal cortex rather than to definitively attribute a specific function to a specific area, I remained consistent with descriptions within each individual study or paper, without trying to reconcile the inconsistencies in nomenclature between them._

_The precuneus (area 7)_ is an area on the inner surface of each hemisphere toward the top rear. The precuneus is involved in the deliberate shifting of attention, understanding the thoughts of others by relating them to one's own, and reflecting body movements felt, seen, or imagined. Other information suggests this area is involved in self-reflection and autobiographical memory (about oneself).

_The dorsal lateral prefrontal cortex (DL PFC, area 46)_ is located on the outer, lateral, surface and is involved in abstract thinking, organizing task-related working memory, and helping to organize memories for long-term memory formation. The left DL PFC is thought to be involved with impulse control and control of risky behavior. Reports of damage to this area describe the inability to use memories related to tasks.

_The ventral lateral prefrontal cortex (VL PFC, areas 44, 45, 47)_ is located on the outer surface. Its functions include maintaining concentration, directing attention, and generating hypotheses in certain contexts.

_The temporoparietal junction (TPJ, areas 22, 39, 40)_ (sometimes referred to as the inferior parietal lobe), is an area on the outer surface of the brain located at the junction of the posterior end of the temporal lobe and the lower parietal lobe. It is thought to integrate information from several areas of the brain related to self and body. Experiments suggest it is involved with self-representation, assigning first-person perspective and experiencing empathy. When the area was disrupted to varying degrees by an electric probe, it led either to the perception of a "shadow person" present beside one's own feeling of self or the feeling of an out-of-body-experience.

_The insula (area 3)_ is a portion of the cortex that folds inward at the sides and, therefore, is not seen from the surface. It's associated with the feeling of self, awareness of body states, regulating the perception of pain, empathy, compassion, decision making, and risk assessment. Damage to this area led to increased severity of perceived pain, loss of body status awareness, difficulty with decision

making in the setting of uncertainty, or loss of empathy. MRI studies show that some, but not all, individuals who have meditated for years have a thicker insular cortex than non-meditators. It's postulated that the differences seen among meditators may be a consequence of their different meditation techniques.

_The default mode network_ is a group of areas found to be active by functional MRI studies done while the subjects were at rest, that is, when not deliberately directing their thoughts. These are areas involved with memory retrieval, referring to self, attention and emotional processing: dorsomedial prefrontal cortex, ventromedial prefrontal cortex, posterior cingulate cortex, and inferior parietal lobe (near the temporoparietal junction, TPJ). This network is thought to be responsible for what is called the stream of consciousness, the undirected flow of thoughts when not attending to any particular stimulus. Functional MRI studies of persons who have meditated regularly report less activity at rest in areas associated with self-referencing (dorsomedial PFC, ventromedial PFC, and posterior cingulate cortex) but describe increased activity in areas associated with working memory and cognitive control (dorsal anterior cingulate cortex and dorsolateral PFC).

_The limbic system_ is comprised of several areas in the brain involved with strong emotions (amygdala), memory formation, memory retrieval, emotional regulation, (hippocampus), and the regulation of pulse and blood pressure (cingulate gyrus). When one considers that the fundamental purpose of any organism is survival and that emotions are intense mental states to motivate behavior, it makes sense that these functions be grouped. If an emotion occurs to ensure survival, it would be important to remember the circumstances surrounding the event and then reduce the emotion to prevent it from interfering with subsequent thoughtful responses. This regulation is analogous to turning off distracting alarm bells and strobe lights once the alarm has been recognized so that the emergency can be dealt with without hindrance.

## Experimental Data

### Self-Referencing

R. Benoit and others ( _When I think about me and simulate you: Medial rostral prefrontal cortex and self-referential processes_ ) studied the effects of participants describing either themselves or a friend using selected trait words, (e.g.: educated, gossipy, sarcastic, angry, modest, and irrational). While participants' brains were being scanned by a functional MRI, they were presented with the words and asked to register if the trait referred to themselves or their friend. As a control, the participants were asked to identify the number of syllables in neutral words.

The scans showed greater activation in the medial rostral region (medial anterior) of the prefrontal cortex (BA 10) and anterior insula when they were describing themselves or a friend than when describing a neutral word. Furthermore, there was greater activation in the right insula when the participants described themselves.

K. Vogeley and others ( _Mind reading: neural mechanisms of theory of mind and self-perspective_ ) studied the effect of thinking in the first- or third-person perspective while reading stories written in one of three styles: first person, third person, and unlinked sentences. Functional MRI brain scans were done while subjects read these stories.

Reading in the third person activated the anterior cingulate cortex (ACC) confirming its involvement in "theory of mind," the ability to understand the mental states of another. While subjects read stories in the first person, scans showed activation in the precuneus and right temporoparietal junction (TPJ), in addition to the ACC. The authors also quote other studies mentioning that injuries in the area of the ACC resulted in difficulty with tasks involving understanding the mental states of others; injuries to the right TPJ were associated with self "visuo-spatial" neglect, not paying attention to or being unaware of one's own body part. The authors write that this suggests "that taking SELF (the first person perspective) may draw on a body representation as the center of an ego-centric experiential space."

M. Esslen and others (Pre-reflective and reflective self reference: a spatiotemporal EEG analysis) studied the effect of thinking in the first-person perspective compared to the third-person perspective. While participants' brains were being scanned by a high resolution EEG and a functional MRI, they were presented with a series of three word sentences, composed of a personal pronoun ("I," "she," and "he") and then a feeling expression ("am happy," "is sad," etc.).

The results showed that the dorsomedial prefrontal cortex (DM-PFC), ventromedial prefrontal cortex (VM-PFC), the right insula, and the right inferior parietal lobe were more active when referring to the first person "I," compared to referring to the third person "he" or "she." When referring to the third person, the DM-PFC was activated but not the VM-PFC. This suggests that the VM-PFC region has a self-referencing role, while the DM-PFC has a more cognitive "symbolic emotion-free" role in relating to a self-defining trait.

M. K. Johnson and others (Dissociating medial frontal and posterior cingulate activity during self-reflection) studied the effect of self-referencing in an "inward" vs. "outward" orientation. While participants' brains were being scanned with a functional MRI, they were asked to think about their hopes and aspirations vs. duties and responsibilities. The former referenced the self in an inward, more abstract context, while the latter referenced the self in an outward, more concrete context. Participants were exposed to a control context such as imagining bears fishing.

Both types of self-referencing showed increased activity in the dorsomedial prefrontal cortex (DM-PFC), precuneus, and posterior cingulate cortex (PCC) when compared to the control. Comparing the two types of self-referencing though, the ventromedial prefrontal cortex (VM-PFC) and anterior cingulate (ACC) were more active during inward self-referencing, but the DM-PFC and posterior cingulate areas (PCC) were more active during outward self-referencing.

This study contrasts the two parts of the medial prefrontal cortex: the dorsal (upper) and the ventral (lower) portions: The ventral area was described as being more involved in emotional, personalized abstract thoughts of self, while the dorsal area was described as being more involved in concrete cognitive (utilitarian) thoughts of self.

George Northoff and others (Self-referential processing in our brain – A meta-analysis of imaging studies on the self), in his review of several studies about self-referential processing, quotes philosopher William James, who in 1892 reported: "The consciousness of Self involves a stream of thought, each part of which as 'I' can remember those which went before, know that things they knew, and care paramountly for certain ones among them as 'Me', and appropriate to these the rest. [sic]"

George Northoff explains, "Since the stream of thought is constantly changing, for James, there was no reason to postulate any core process of selfhood beyond the stream itself, which since it was constantly changing, led to the possibility of a multiplicity of selves." Northoff goes on to mention the many variations of self-referencing that have been studied, among them: agency (the doer) and ownership of movement, the spatial domain, the social domain, the emotional domain, and the self in memory.

A Zen Buddhist chant, _Affirming Faith in Mind_ , written by an unknown author in the fifth or sixth century CE, contains the verse: "If all thought objects disappear, the thinking subject drops away. For things are things because of mind, as mind is mind because of things. These two are merely relative, and both at source are Emptiness." I interpret this less enigmatically: Thoughts are thoughts because of the sense of self, as the sense of self is a feeling of self because of thoughts. As each is a consequence of the other, there is no fundamental and distinct origin of either.

### Default Network

R. Buckner and others (The Brain's Default Network) reviewed multiple studies to consolidate findings and suppositions. The default network is that group of brain regions active when the mind is not engaged in a focused task. The ventromedial prefrontal cortex, the dorsomedial prefrontal cortex, the posterior cingulate cortex, and inferior parietal lobule make up the core system, while the hippocampus and parahippocampal cortex make up a subsystem. As the default network activity is not seen in infants, it is assumed that it develops during the toddler and childhood years.

Posterior cingulate cortex functionality is not fully characterized, but it has been linked to internally directed thought and modulation of attention in the absence of a task. The dorsomedial prefrontal cortex is seen to be active during judgments about self and others with whom the test subject feels a shared commonality, but not during judgments about complete strangers.

Activity is reduced in the default network during most tasks but is increased at rest and during tasks that involve a sensory experience and those that require the recollection of autobiographical memory (the latter two being tasks that are in themselves self-referencing in nature). As activity in the default network increases, activity in an external attention system diminishes. The default network is seen to be overactive in schizophrenia and reduced or disrupted in Alzheimer's dementia.

### Mind and Meditation

B. Holzel and others (Mindfulness practice leads to increases in regional brain grey matter density) scanned the brains of participants with an MRI before and after an eight-week-long course in mindfulness, where the cumulative average reported time spent in mindfulness meditation was 22.6 hours in addition to active mindfulness during the day.

Increases in brain gray matter were seen in the left hippocampus, insula, temporoparietal junction, the posterior cingulate cortex, and that part of the brain stem related to the release of serotonin (associated with mood control) and norepinephrine (associated with arousal).

The hippocampus takes part in emotional regulation, and reduced hippocampal volume is seen in major depression and post-traumatic stress disorder. The insula is involved in concentration, awareness of body status, and in empathy. The temporoparietal junction (TPJ) is involved in the conscious experience of self and the unity of perception of self and body. Impaired TPJ function is associated with the sensation of an out-of-body experience or an "other" or "shadow" experience of self. The posterior cingulate cortex is thought to be involved in integrating self-referential emotional and autobiographical information and modulating attention.

S. Lazar and others (Meditation experience is associated with increased cortical thickness) compared brain cortex thickness among meditators who practiced Insight Meditation for an average of nine years, six hours per week, with those who did not, matching for age and gender. (Insight Meditation involves sustained awareness of the body and mind and their various states of being.) Meditators were found to have increased thickness of the right anterior insula. Increased medial prefrontal cortex thickness was not found in this study, a thickness that was seen in other studies on meditators. This difference was thought to be due to Insight Meditation placing greater emphasis on self-awareness than other meditation techniques, self-awareness being an action for which the insula is noted to be responsible.

N. Farb and others (Attending to the present: Mindfulness meditation reveals distinct neural modes of self-reference) studied participants in an eight-week-long mindfulness-based stress management course. Participants were asked to train for 45 minutes a day and attend a class one day a week. Training included breathing meditation, body image training, and basic yoga postures. Functional MRI scans of the brains of meditators were compared with brain scans of a non-meditating population. During the MRI scans, participants were cued to perform one of two actions. One action was to be aware of what was going on in their thoughts without engaging them, without purpose or goal, (experiential, default resting activity). Alternately, participants were to read a presented trait word (varying in degrees of positive or negative, for example, charming or greedy), think about how the trait related to them, and to follow whatever train of thought developed (narrative, self-referencing activity).

During self-referencing, both novices and meditators showed activity in the area of the brain previously confirmed to be associated with thinking about the self: the rostral medial prefrontal cortex, dorsomedial prefrontal cortex, and posterior cingulate cortex. During the resting (default) state of the study, meditators (when compared to novices) showed less activation in the ventromedial prefrontal cortex and the dorsomedial prefrontal cortex while simultaneously having more activity in the right lateral prefrontal cortex, right insula, and inferior parietal lobule.

The authors make several assertions: 1) that the default state in the meditation group shifted away from the midline cortex (associated with self-referencing) toward the lateral cortex (associated with cognition); 2) that this shift supported the awareness of the psychological present; and 3) that this shift to the lateral cortex seen in meditators suggests that awareness of the psychological present "represented by evolutionary older neural regions, may represent a return to the neural origins of identity, in which self-awareness in each moment arises from the integration of basic interoceptive and exteroceptive bodily sensory processes. In contrast (to cognition), the narrative mode of self-reference may represent an over-learned mode of information processing that has become automatic through practice, consistent with established findings on training-induced automaticity." In other words, the default network in meditators involved the outer cortex, a part of the brain that evolved earlier and that is active for moment-to-moment awareness. This is in contrast to activity in the inner cortex, a part of the brain that developed more recently, resulting in attention to a learned automatic representation of the self.

## Summary

The default network is not seen until the toddler years. This is the same period that the ego is seen to first manifest itself.

There is overlapping activation in areas involved with the default network and self-referencing.

There is an inverse relationship between activity in the areas of attention to self and attention to tasks (i.e., to the moment), such that the majority of attention is directed to one purpose at a time, to tasks or to the self.

Taking the first- or third-person perspective is associated with activity in different areas of the brain.

The self can be referenced two ways, from the concrete perspective, exemplified by relating the self to the environment, and from the abstract perspective, exemplified by relating the self to internal motivations. Each involves a different grouping of brain areas.

Referring to the self in the more concrete perspective involves the same areas as thinking in the third person.

Meditation increases brain activity for performing tasks, directing attention, processing emotions, and awareness of the physical self and reduces brain activity for attention to the psychological self.

Self-referencing may represent a learned or superimposed method of processing information by certain brain areas on the medial brain surface that are, through meditation, replaced with a process of attention to the moment by areas on the lateral brain surface.

The resting state of the mind in non-meditators is occupied with thoughts relating to a psychological self, while in meditators, the mind's resting state is occupied with attention to the moment.

#  4. Origin of the Ego

The formation and persistence of the ego is neither a predetermined nor inescapable consequence of design, as are the five fingers of each hand or the color of one's eyes. There are, however, certain brain characteristics that facilitate its formation and persistence, separate from and overriding objective awareness.

## Spontaneous Activity

Some time before birth, when a critical mass of nerve circuits has been laid down, the brain starts processing information, never to stop unless deeply anesthetized or dead. This is the propensity to propagate a thought, to seek out stimulation, to manifest a movement, and realize a will. Even when we are asleep, subconscious and unconscious levels of the mind continue to activate and arrange memories or propagate thoughts.

When the brain is not engaged in a task, most conscious thoughts are superfluous judgments or are involved in self-referencing, as studies on the default network suggest. Furthermore, awareness of one's own stream of consciousness demonstrates this. Emotions are temporary but powerful motivators of behavior, but they also precipitate thoughts devoted to emotional experiences, often manifesting as tenacious emotional echoes that persist long after the precipitating experience has ceased.

The relationship of thoughts and emotions to the sense of self is the same as the relationship of lines to the image they form. A few random lines are just that, random lines. As more lines are added to the canvas, at some point, a critical mass of lines accumulates in just the right locations to form a perceptible image. The lines

are still just individual lines, as thoughts are just individual thoughts, yet there is an image to be perceived from those lines and a self-identity to be perceived from those thoughts. While the cognitive mind generates most utilitarian thoughts, the ego generates superfluous judgments, self-referencing thoughts, and emotional echoes. **This mental activity is analogous to steps of a perpetual motion Rube Goldberg machine, one movement propagating another, which further propagates others.** A mind occupied with its own thoughts and self-identity, often involved with an inner monologue, is a mind obscuring the essential truth that awareness alone is the fundamental nature of being. There is no inherent "off switch," however, for the brain's activity under voluntary control.

## Groundlessness

We come into the world as intellectual and emotional neophytes, empty vessels without knowledge or experience. Our neurological circuits are largely uncommitted to any knowledge, understanding, or complex thought, being ready to learn as much as possible from what we see, hear, and feel. There is nothing innate in the brain that defines the universe as true or real.

Through the groundlessness of imagination, the brain can create a reality of its own. This allows us to imagine an Easter Bunny that lays eggs, an obese Santa Clause sliding down a narrow chimney, and goblins, ghosts, demons, and spirits. Imagination also allows us to relive the past and consider a future. There are no rules, limits, or rationality in imaginative thinking.

The consequences of groundlessness are not limited to deliberate thinking in the abstract or the unreal. Groundlessness involuntarily affects our perceptions, allowing them to present us with any manner of reality, accurate or not. The brain's groundlessness provides us with a nebulous definition of what is real, as precise as the messages we choose to accept. Magicians, psychologists, marketing experts, and propagandists all know, too well, how easily the mind is fooled.

## Conditioning

In 2014, Irene Senna and others, in The Marble-Hand Illusion, reported an experiment with induced alteration of arm perception. The authors had different groups of 11 participants sit with both arms resting on a table. The right arm was shielded from each of the participant's view, and a small switch was placed on this hidden hand. Each participant was told that the headphones they were given served only to muffle distracting background noise. The experimenters then tapped the switch on the participant's hidden hand with a hammer. This caused the participants to feel the tap and the headphones to simultaneously play a prerecorded sound of a hammer striking a stone. At first, the volume was low and barely perceptible. But with each repetition, the volume was gradually increased to become fully audible in the course of the 30 hammer strikes per session.

A control group differed from the experimental group only in that the sound was not perfectly timed to the strike of the hammer. Two other control experiments were done using strikes and simultaneous sound, but the sound transmitted through the headphones was a pure tone in one set and the natural sound of the hammer on skin in the other.

Participants were given questionnaires before and after the experiment that asked them to grade how their arm felt on a 7-point scale from +3 to -3. The feeling words used were: numb, stiff, heavy, cold, different, light, and soft. A comparison of the answers showed a significant deviation of pre- and post-experiment arm perceptions only in the experimental group. Comparing the posttest answers of the experimental group with controls, the posttest answers were skewed toward stiffer, heavier, and colder and away from lighter and softer. Comparing the experimental group's own pretest and posttest answers, they reported their arms after the experiment as stiffer, heavier, harder, and less sensitive than before the experiment.

To assess an objective measure, the authors compared galvanic skin response as an indicator of the participants' arousal state before and after the experiment. They used the sight of a needle approaching each participant's right hand as the agent of stress. They found that the galvanic skin response was higher in the posttest subjects compared to pretest and when compared to the controls. There were two interpretations, presented in the study, of why an arm perceived to have the qualities of stone would cause a higher arousal state. One was that the arm was heavier and, therefore, less able to escape. The other interpretation was that the perception of a stone hand added the stress of uncertainty to the stress of impending pain. Another explanation, though, is that the altered perception of the arm was outside the context of previously learned stress modulating responses, so those responses could not be engaged for the new arm perception.

In 1896, Dr. George M. Stratton did an experiment with inverted glasses demonstrating the mind's ability to alter its perception of reality. In his experiment, Dr. Stratton constructed and wore glasses that inverted the visual world. At first, this caused significant disorientation and distress from experiencing his new inverted world and body. His limbs would not cooperate because his intent was confused by his inverted vision. By the fourth day, however, he started to perceive his body as if its parts were not inverted at all. Others repeated the same experiment and described altered body awareness as well.

In 2000, Kaoru Sekiyama reported an experiment involving four subjects wearing, for up to 35 days, spectacles that reversed the right and left fields of view. At the start, these subjects were asked to reach for an object in front of them, and their reaction time was studied. The reversed images caused confusion initially, but within two weeks, their reaction times were similar to pre-experiment measurements. Another test involved identifying the sidedness, right or left, of a picture of a hand placed in different orientations (tilted at eight different angles). The subjects did this by manipulating their own hand to match the picture to identify the correct sidedness. There was complete confusion during the first few weeks, but by day 25, the subjects reported they could visualize a specific hand in one of two ways, left or right, depending on which cues (visual or tactile/somatic) they selected.

The above experiment demonstrated several things. First, it showed just how flexible the mind is, able to create a new perception of reality (hand-sidedness) even when this conflicted with a lifetime of experience. Second, the experiment demonstrated how important consistency and repetition are in manufacturing perceptions. The subjects did not change their perceptions of hand-sidedness immediately but only after prolonged and repeated exposure to their reversed experience. Ideally, our perceptions of reality should be genuine, so we can successfully navigate through life. Yet it appears that what we define as real is only as accurate as the messages repeatedly presented to our minds. This further illustrates the truth behind the quote, "A lie repeated often enough becomes the truth." Third, this experiment demonstrated the brain's ability to entertain at least two contrasting perceptions, as the subjects reported they could visualize the same hand as either left or right. Last, it demonstrated the role of individual choice in experiencing one perception over another.

Through repetition, our minds can be conditioned to accept any message as a representation of reality. Any perception is the result of our emotional connection to the message, our willingness to accept one message over another, the repetitiveness of that message, and the degree to which we succumb to irrationality and conditioning, or conversely, employ reason.

It is the repetition of culture that personalizes cultural identity, the repetition of religious teachings that internalizes their tenets, and repetitive self-referencing that solidifies the sense of self.

## Irrationality

It is an unfortunate biological fact that our rational mind does not come into existence until age seven to eight. Before this age, the irrational nature of the human mind is most easily seen in the ease with which children accept the existence of the Tooth Fairy, Santa Clause, and the Easter Bunny. **Reason is the only defense against irrationality, emotional influence, and the conditioning of repetition.** The capacity for reason allows us to test and determine if previously learned "truths" are real or illusory. The opportunity to use reason, however, does not ensure its application, as reason is not an automatic function. It requires deliberate effort but one that comes more easily with practice. Certainly, toddlers can form and test hypotheses but only to a limited extent. Even as rational adults, our minds are prone to accepting distortions of reality if presented in a way that appeals to or appeases the ego or engages the emotions. These subvert the mind's application of reason, the mind's only defense against distorted messages.

## Emotion

Some circumstances require strong motivation for action, especially action that counters rational judgment. Some situations require making a lasting memory of those significant circumstances. Emotions serve these purposes. They are intense and parallel the primitive imperatives of pleasure (through joy), pain (through sadness), and survival (through fear and anger) but may supersede them, such as when a mother jumps into the path of danger to save her child. Throughout life, we learn to associate new stimuli for given emotions, and new priorities are defined as the ego continues to develop. These increase the repertoire of both emotional stimuli and responses.

Once stimulated, the duration of an emotion depends largely on its origin and connection to the ego. Emotions and strong physical stimuli encourage ego-reinforcing self-referencing, which in turn intensifies an experience. This further promotes self-referencing: emotional impulses reverberating between circuits for ego and emotion, like echoes between canyon walls.

## Reassigning Primary Imperatives

The brain is structured with a few hard-coded imperatives: to repeat behaviors that lead to pleasure, to avoid behaviors that lead to pain, and to engage in behaviors that promote survival through fight or flight (empowered respectively by the emotions of anger and fear). When and how these primary drives manifest themselves are determined by the lessons learned from previous experiences that resulted in pleasure, pain, or survival through fight or flight. If an experience of a certain taste or touch brought pleasure, one would more likely repeat those actions that led to the experience. If a certain behavior resulted in pain, then that behavior would more likely be avoided. If anger or fear in the setting of a threat resulted in overcoming or avoiding the threat, the behavior and emotion that led to this success would more likely be repeated.

Additionally, circumstances that precede a significant experience of pleasure, pain, or physical threat would likely be learned to be associated with those events, whether they were causally connected or not. These alternate thoughts or behaviors, which have been learned to have special significance to the primary imperatives, become our secondary imperatives or drives and contribute to a growing repertoire of reactive thoughts and behaviors.

These associations are then appropriated by the ego. Pleasure may be associated with profit, power, or self-expression; pain may become associated with injury to the ego, as in embarrassment or shame. The survival of the body, with its associated emotions of anger and fear, is personalized to become survival of the ego, igniting the same emotions. Or, these may form into other expressions of anger or fear such as envy, resentment, anxiety, and the like.

The need to satisfy or defend the physical self engages the survival instincts of anger and fear and the primary drives associated with pain and pleasure. Thus, in an uncivilized society where physical comforts are few and threats are frequent, primary drives are often engaged, magnifying attention to the needs of both the body and the sense of self, the ego.

In a more civilized society where comforts are routine and physical threats are infrequent, the primary drives connected with the physical self have little opportunity to be engaged in day-to-day life. But, in a society that is driven by the need for ego satisfaction, the secondary drives associated with the ego are often activated to maintain, protect, and project this ego.

## Birth of Ego

During its first year, a baby reaches out with its eyes and limbs to make contact with the world and learn. During this period, the world becomes identified with two realms. The external realm is that which is seen and touched without further identification. The blanket, bed, food, and people all have this external visual and tactile identity. The internal realm is that which is identified as part of the self. The baby moves an arm, and it is seen moving. The baby reaches out with its hand to touch its foot and simultaneously feels its foot being touched. The touching self, while simultaneously feeling touched, and the moving self, while seeing the self move, contribute to the process of learning to differentiate self from a world that is not self, dividing the universe into these two identities, internal and external, self and non-self.

Using the primitive imperatives related to pleasure, pain, and survival, the young mind starts making associations between events and their pleasing or painful results. Some are causal associations: Being fed or hugged is pleasing; bumping the head is painful. Others are not causally related, for example: Mom's voice and the satisfaction of being fed or hugged leads to Mom's voice being defined as a pleasure. As the repertoire of experiences and associations for pleasure and pain grow, so do thoughts and their meaning for self. These also contribute to a growing list of likes and dislikes, wants and don't wants. Eventually, a critical mass of these thoughts, emotions, and memories is reached to create the perception of a distinct self, the ego.

This is similar to identifying with a character in a book or a movie. As the story unfolds, the reader or viewer learns more about a specific character. When a critical mass of information about this character has been learned, the initial indifference felt for this character changes to identification, capturing the reader's or viewer's attention and emotions.

Anger, fear, and pain - previously only associated with physical threats or loss - are now associated with a threat to or a loss for this self-identity. These further reinforce the existence of the ego. The initial manifestation of ego is seen the first time a toddler between the ages of twenty and twenty-four months says "no" or demonstrates embarrassment, pride, or shame.

By co-opting primary and secondary imperatives, the evolving image of self creates an ever-expanding repertoire of likes, dislikes, wants, needs, hopes, and emotional triggers. These make up the complex pattern of thoughts and emotions that serve to further evolve the image of self, like lines on a canvas slowly coalescing to form an image. The brain does more readily what it does more often. Thus, by continuously referring to this image from early childhood through adulthood, we reinforce its pattern to the point that it becomes invasive, affecting our attitudes and behaviors and taking over our perception of self and reality.

During the first six or seven years of life, the child's charming but magical thinking demonstrates the absence of rational thought. During this period, the predominance of irrational thinking and repeated self-referencing allow the illusory perceptions of ego to take root. By the age of about seven or eight, the older child demonstrates refreshingly rational understanding, but by this time, the ego's foundation has already been set. The child's resistance to or compliance with adult direction demonstrates just how tight that grip of ego is on the child's awareness. This ego evolves and is modified during individual maturity; then, it is reinforced throughout adulthood by self-referencing and cultural validation.

This, then, is the irony of development, that the foundation of ego, the lens through which we will perceive and judge reality throughout life, is laid down at a time when we are the most irrational. Although the irrationality of toddlerhood is tempered, to a degree, by the rationality of adulthood, the underlying irrational tendencies and perceptions remain. Once created, the ego is maintained by the seductive feeling of self and by a system of reinforcement through ego-centered thoughts and emotions, internal monologues, and human cultures that have validated and pandered to this ego for millennia.

Because essentially everyone shares the same experience of ego and because we live in a culture that supports it, the idea that there is an alternate perceptual reality is unknown to most and considered preposterous by many. But, just as crawling precedes and is replaced by walking, and the toddler's babbling is replaced by talking, so too should the egocentric perceptions of childhood give way to the egolessness of objective awareness.

## Final Thoughts

### Awareness

Awareness is the state of being that allows us to notice the world around us and in our minds. It is the fundamental nature of being alive and awake. As fundamental as it is, awareness is still subject to the limitations imposed by the brain's level of development, the mind's level of maturity, and the invasiveness of the ego. The perceptions of an infant are different from those of a child, which are different still from those of an adult. The infant lacks any experience or understanding of the world or self. The child is limited by its egocentric perspective and irrational brain, while the adult is hampered by lifelong habits of clinging to the egocentric perspective of the young child. Awareness is not a thought, the flow of thoughts, or the feelings that make up what we call the stream of consciousness. For many, awareness is so entangled with their egos and its associated cascade of thoughts that the concept of a separate awareness is either incomprehensible or so foreign as to be considered absurd.

Furthermore, **clinging to our sense of self as a distinct "thing" conditions the mind to perceive all of reality according to its relationship to this sense of self.** This constricts our perceptions and understanding and shackles our attempts to see beyond the obvious or conventional. Consequently, opening our minds to an alternate state of awareness is more difficult but not impossible.

### Focus

Focus, or concentration, is the conscious ability to keep a certain element under the spotlight of awareness while inhibiting those thoughts that spontaneously arise or potentially interfere with the desired target of attention. Focus is as close to an off switch for undesirable thoughts as is possible under conscious control. Focus is antagonistic to spontaneous mental activity, but while this activity is unintentional and random, focusing the mind is a deliberate act.

The strength of focus, like the strength of a muscle, can be increased by exercise (prolonged concentration) or decreased by giving in to spontaneous or self-referencing thoughts or frenetic or ego-centered behaviors. Unfortunately for most, deliberate and intense focus is difficult, having been shackled by lifelong habits of transient and scattered attention. Most people concentrate for only short periods and then let go of their focus, which is then steered by a barrage of distractions or the self-referencing stream of consciousness.

### Variation

Each of the mind's elements and characteristics manifests themselves in degrees. Thoughts may occur more or less spontaneously. Emotions may be weaker or stronger, thinking can be more or less rational, and focus can be targeted or disordered. The differences in amplitude of the mind's various elements, combined with the differences in life experiences, contribute to the diversity of thinking patterns and behaviors we see among individuals. This is analogous to the diversity of human forms we encounter on a beach. Although all manifest the same fundamental body and mental plan, the spectrum of morphological and psychological expression is vast.

#  5. Spectrum of Ego
## Introduction

When walking into a gym or on a beach, we see bodies in all shapes and sizes. And in our lives, we've all marveled at the musical, artistic, math, or science skills of some and accepted that their brains have areas more developed than others. The individual variety of the brain's circuits for ego is comparable to our own morphological or intellectual diversity. The spectrum of the mind's expression of perception and ego is analogous to the range of these morphological, artistic, and intellectual attributes. There are those that can separate an experience from their emotions and thoughts and others that personalize each experience. There are those that see things more or less objectively, who are more or less rational, more or less resistant to waves of passion or emotion, and who think or act with a greater or lesser sense of community or individualism. These many facets are consequences of mental processes, and though genetically defined, they can be developed into greater ability, neglected into weakness, or abused into malfunction or disorder.

## Three Patterns

Anyone who's worked with the public or who has a large enough family has met individuals who have one of three general patterns of perception and, therefore, patterns of thinking and behavior. These patterns are not permanent features of personality or character but a choice made automatic by conditioning and repetition.

The illustration below characterizes these three basic patterns. They're represented by rectangles, where each rectangle encloses two mental properties with an arrow that represents the influence these properties have on each other and the flow of perception between them. Anatomically, the individual properties, from lower left to upper right, represent functions involving the limbic system, ventromedial prefrontal cortex, dorsomedial prefrontal cortex, and the dorsolateral prefrontal cortex, respectively.

The patterns of perception aren't static but can flow from one to another depending on life circumstances. However, though people can temporarily shift into all the patterns of perception, they live primarily through a single pattern.

Most people understand that their perceptions and actions are distinct processes, yet do not understand that awareness is as distinct and separate from perception as is action. To illustrate this separateness, ovals that represent awareness and action are placed, respectively, above and below the three rectangles.

The lower pattern involves the basic motivations and emotions as well as the sense of self that develops when thoughts, related to these drives and emotions, reach a critical mass. This rectangle is located below the others because its properties are the first to develop, and it's the easiest pattern to fall into.

Individuals living through this pattern direct their attention "inwardly" to be preoccupied by their sense of self, basic drives, and their emotions. They never learned to focus their minds, remold their primitive drives, control their emotions, express less disabling emotional responses, or to look at their experiences objectively. Rational thinking plays only a minor role for them. As such, they are victims of their childish wants, needs, joys, sorrows, fears, and anger. They personalize every event, seeing every joy as a personal victory and every hardship as a personal attack. They have egos that need to be manifested, can be injured, and need to be protected. They may feel victimized by their environment or blame others for their own misery or misfortune. Most events, no matter how trivial, are judged, captioned, and relived. Instead of talking calmly, they often emote in most conversations, melodrama being the emotional baseline. Many of these individuals ultimately need tranquilizers, antidepressants, or drugs of abuse to cope. They may seek solace in food, or extremist religions or ideologies. Their families are more likely dysfunctional, and they are more likely to interact with legal or medical systems. They are most exemplified by the characters presented on TV's Jerry Springer Show.

Some individuals here may perceive primarily at the extreme end of this pattern, the basic motivations and emotions with little attention to self. These individuals are more likely to be found in psychiatric institutions, prisons, homeless, or otherwise socially isolated.

The central vertical box represents the two "selves" that interact with reality - the emotional self and the thoughtful self. Self-control is the mental function that determines the direction of perception and action. This pattern represents the perception of reality and self for the majority of individuals. Persons perceiving through this pattern shift their attention from "inward" to "outward" directions, thinking emotionally or rationally, depending on the demands of the moment and their degree of self-control. Compared to those perceiving through the pattern represented by the first rectangle, persons perceiving through the central pattern are better focused, their emotions are better controlled, and their egocentric drives are more subordinated to the needs of the environment or filtered by intellectualizations. Nonetheless, their sense of self is their primary target of attention. They are still anchored to the perception of a self that needs protection and gratification.

There is a wide range of presentation for this group. This depends on how well their emotions and egocentric drives are modified or restrained by reason, in other words, whether they perceive primarily through the upper or lower properties within this pattern, and how often they shift into the patterns of the neighboring upper or lower rectangles. Individual biology, environment, and the parenting they experienced in childhood determine just how balanced they are, how well they cope with life's obstacles and perturbations, or recover from sadness or neurosis, and the degree to which they have lives of happiness and equanimity.

The upper pattern involves rational thinking and the sense of self that develops when thoughts related to reasoning reach a critical mass. This rectangle is located above the first because these properties developed later and because it takes effort to "rise" into this pattern. Whether through biology, appropriate parenting, or training, persons living through this pattern of perception direct most of their attention "outwardly." They've mastered the ability to focus their thoughts, think rationally, practice self-control, avoid referencing themselves in objective decisions and actions, and let go of their basic drives, emotions, and their emotional self. They remain calm while those around them jump to conclusions or react emotionally. They experience reality without the need to protect, project, or satisfy their egos. They think and act without self-serving motivations, living with joy and compassion.

Some individuals here may perceive primarily at the extreme end of this pattern, the property of rational thinking. Though they may express emotions temporarily, they easily return to rational perception and are free of the basic motivations and the sense of self, having transcended them like a forgotten memory.

## Pathology

There are individuals who have weaker centers for focusing attention or modulating self-directed thoughts and emotions. Some people have exaggerated activity in the centers for pain, fear, and abstract thought. Others may have defects in the areas of memory or cognition. These individuals are more likely to refer to the same thoughts or emotions repeatedly because of some pain, injury, an unmet want or need, a fear or anger associated with an injury, or a real or imagined threat.

Because the mind does more readily what it does more often, repeated self-referencing reinforces associated circuits, redirects attention away from the present moment, and suppresses those circuits involved with the rational, objective awareness of self and reality. In so doing, self-referencing suppresses the feeling of harmony that's experienced with attention to the moment, which further accentuates the perception of pain, fear, or anger. This continues the loop, leading to ever-deeper realms of mental illness.

In the healthy mind, activation of the cognitive areas reduces activity in areas associated with self-referencing. Conversely, self-referencing reduces activation in the areas associated with cognition. (Recall the medial/self vs. lateral/task-related division of attention discussed in Chapter 3.)

In the depressed brain, this inverse relationship for activation is lost so that both areas show activation but with disproportionately more activity in the area of the brain related to self-referencing, leading to inappropriate cognition. Furthermore, increased activity in the area involved with self-referencing inhibits release of the brain's serotonin. This brain hormone is, directly or indirectly, involved in modulating nerve cell generation, connectivity, and activity, in addition to the release of norepinephrine and, possibly, dopamine. Inhibited release of serotonin, then, reduces these actions. Without these nourishing and stabilizing brain hormones, there is reduced connectivity and synchrony among the brain's circuits so that cognitive function and emotional stability are reduced, and attention to self is increased. This further accentuates self-referencing and propels the spiral into deeper and more resistant depression.

It is true that in some individuals, inhibition of serotonin does not produce depression. It's possible these individuals have brain centers with a lower tendency to desynchronize or that other elements facilitate their brains' synchronous activity. Candidates for such elements are the anterior and posterior cingulate gyri, and the ventral lateral prefrontal cortex through their roles in modulating and directing attention. In so doing, they could inhibit areas that would otherwise act out of synchrony. (Recall that focusing the mind inhibits superfluous mental activity; in other words, focusing promotes synchrony.) Undoubtedly, the mechanisms that lead to or maintain depression can be more complex, but the discussion here focuses on the roles of attention and self-referencing in depression.

Neuroses are caused by the acquisition of memories or the development of thoughts that create a maladaptive or exaggerated attention to self. These may occur with extremely negative emotional experiences in adulthood or less extreme experiences in childhood during ego development. Neuroses inappropriately associate the primary drives of pleasure, pain, anger, and fear with the sense of self to produce emotionally laden echoes between the circuits of ego and the circuits related to those negative experiences.

Medications can help these people, but if these persons continue the same thought patterns that their biology, conditioning, or experiences have facilitated, medications will provide only a partial or temporary benefit. At best, these individuals will be dependent on drugs to maintain some degree of emotional control.

#  Part II – Developing Objective Awareness

# 6. The Process

## Introduction

Because ego is the basis of subjective perception, realizing the objective state of uncluttered awareness involves abandoning the ego. As discussed earlier, the ego is maintained by two mutually reinforcing phenomena. One is attachment, the automatic attention to the self-identity and maintaining a bias (wanting, needing, rejecting, etc.) for the benefit of the "me," the ego. The other phenomenon is self-referencing, the habitual yet deliberate act of relating events to the self by judging, captioning, and reliving the elements in one's life, including keeping an inner monologue.

These two phenomena are analogous to the elements of a line drawing where the lines, each distinct and separate from the others, form an image, while the image gives each line its special significance. Eliminating the image involves removing the lines, one by one, until a critical threshold is reached when the image is more easily ignored or no longer perceived. Analogously, the efforts to extinguish the influence of ego involve stopping self-referencing thoughts and directing attention away from the self so that the sense of self is more easily ignored and eventually let go.

As mentioned previously, focusing is the closest thing we have to an off switch for unwanted thoughts. Thus, at the start, self-referencing is reduced by strengthening the mind's ability to focus. As focus strengthens, superfluous thoughts are diminished, and at some point, they are reduced below the critical mass needed to sustain the perception of self. This is accomplished by meditation and then continued by mindfulness, keeping our attention on the moment without judgment or comment.

Attachment is reduced by looking at experiences and self impersonally, the indifference of a third-person observer. This is the primary principle behind detachment as applied in certain meditation and mindfulness techniques discussed in the following chapters.

The motivation to continue the practices of meditation and mindfulness may involve clinging to a goal, but a goal diverts the mind's attention toward a possible future and away from the present. Each practice should be done with attention to the current moment. For example, when doing sit-ups, the point is simply to do the current sit-up, and just as each sit-up remodels your muscles, each moment of awareness remodels your brain.

From anatomic and functional studies, it seems clear that several areas of the brain help to focus the mind and filter or modify the virtual self. In so doing, they filter out self-referring thoughts interlaced with rational ones, resulting in a more realistic and objective perception of reality and a fading away of the sense of self. The more often a skill is practiced, the easier it is to apply. Thus, as an individual practices objective awareness, specific areas of the brain develop to apply this objectivity more easily. Perhaps, in thousands of years, our brains will have evolved larger cortical areas in those special centers of the brain that prevent formation of an illusory self or prevent it from invading awareness. Until then, it is up to us to take control and decondition our minds from the results of previous environmental and cultural influences to experience this new alternate awareness.

There are those that may stumble onto just the right thinking pattern to see the objective reality before them. Unfortunately, the hidden and mysterious nature of thought makes finding the mental path toward objective awareness difficult. Fortunately, teachers, gurus, and shamans have been showing us how for centuries.

Trying to describe a mental practice is like illustrating a dance without showing the dancer's feet. Similarly, executing a new mental practice is like learning a new dance with only vague sensation in your legs. The mind's maneuvers are not as visible as the steps of a dance. Thus, some trial and error is inevitable at the start, as you try to put into mental action what the words written here represent. For this reason, I've used different words and analogies to describe the mental acts involved, with the hope that one of the phrases may trigger your recognition and understanding. If necessary, go over the material here a few times to grasp the concepts. Just as repetition is the key to perception, it also facilitates understanding.

It may be difficult to start or keep up with some of the techniques described, as they involve mental functions you haven't used often, intensely, or at all. Nonetheless, keep doing them, and your brain will likely figure out what it is you're trying to do. This is analogous to moving to a new city for a new job. At first, you take the main highways from home to work, though they may not be the most direct. Then, as you become more familiar with the streets, you start experimenting with different routes that are faster, shorter, or have less traffic, looking for the most efficient route that will take you to your job. Similarly, as you keep meditating, your brain will send impulses down one route and then another, until it finds the most accurate and efficient circuit. With repetition, that circuit will become facilitated to transmit impulses more readily, resulting in your eventual understanding. So, whatever the difficulty, keep doing the practice and trust that your brain will figure out what it is you're trying to do.

Learning the mental skill of objective awareness requires overcoming several hurdles. First are the well-ingrained mental habits supporting the ego, attachment and self-referencing, which are resistant to change. The second hurdle is the unfamiliarity of the mental functions to be practiced, as mentioned above. The final hurdle is the ego itself. It is well aware of what you are trying to do and will fabricate obstacles and mold your will along the way. As one meditation teacher, Sally Kempton, said, "It's hard to fight an enemy who has outposts in your head." Making your practice a daily routine will help overcome inner resistance.

The practice of abandoning ego involves three components. The first is meditation, to strengthen and maintain the discipline of focus and detachment in a quiet, undisturbed setting. The second is mindfulness, to strengthen and maintain the discipline of focus and detachment in the setting of a typical action-filled day. Letting go is the third component, involving deliberately releasing the mind's hold on previous ego-sustaining habits, attachments, tenacious thoughts and emotions, and any newly formed traps. Each of these components is discussed in detail in the following chapters.

The process of ego abandonment and the transition to egolessness can be compared to learning a second language. One's native tongue is so well known that its words are nothing more than verbalized thoughts. So well connected are the two - thoughts and words - that the mind uses this language to form its own thoughts, that is, to think in that language. During the initial stages of learning a second language, thoughts are put into the words of the native tongue, which are then translated into the new language. With time and continued practice, translation from the native tongue is abandoned, and thoughts are put directly into the words of the second language. But they are still perceived as words in that second language, not verbalized thoughts. Only with continued repetition does the second language develop the intuitiveness of the native tongue where the words are perceived as the thoughts they represent. It is then that thinking takes place in the second language to replace the first. Unlike a language though, to replace old perceptions with new ones, we must first overcome ingrained patterns of thought.

Consider the analogy of the prisoner of thingness. Throughout a life influenced primarily by his senses of vision and touch, this individual perceives the world only in terms of what he has become accustomed to seeing and touching, his mind conditioned to perceive only that which is a thing. One day, he finds himself surrounded by iron bars two inches thick. He looks and reaches out to feel the cold, hard steel of the bars. He moves his gaze and hand to the side of the bars to the three feet of empty space between them and feels nothing. There is nothing there to see or feel, which is beyond his previous experience. So, having a mind conditioned only to what is seen or felt, he can't understand this absence of seeing or feeling; therefore, his mind refuses to perceive the space between the bars. His mind returns to the only thing he has been conditioned to perceive, the thingness of the bars. For him then, there is no space; he perceives himself to be a prisoner surrounded by solid walls of steel from which there is no escape. One day though, in a moment of distraction, he abandons his conditioning and stops thinking in terms of bars or things. He opens his mind to the possibility of something other than thingness. Suddenly, he perceives the emptiness between the bars and walks out of his imagined prison.

Thinking in terms of thingness conditions the mind to value thingness. But things, including ourselves, do not exist in a vacuum, nor are they independent from other things. All things relate and interact with each other. No thing can act without some effect being felt by another thing. Thinking in terms of thingness, we separate ourselves from others and the results of our actions on others. On the other hand, thinking in terms of action makes the results of our acts more obvious. This changes our motivations and actions to be more in harmony with the other things with which we share our universe.

Consider a dance floor. As a dancer thinking in terms of thingness, I am motivated to cling to and use my particular area of the dance floor for myself. But, I am not alone. The other dancers and I are moving all around the floor. If I think in terms of my thingness, I'm always struggling to find my space while simultaneously trying to avoid bumping into the other dancers. On the other hand, if I start to think in terms of the action of dancing, then it's easier to realize we are all dancing together. I am better able to flow with the movement of the other dancers while still doing my dance. Finding or clinging to my space to dance becomes irrelevant.

Thinking in terms of thingness vs. action is not the contrast between two intellectual facts or philosophical analyses. They are two different psychological experiences.

## Caution

Certain individuals should not practice the techniques to be described without the knowledge of and monitoring by their doctor, psychiatrist, or therapist. These include persons with:

  * Severe depression

  * Severe anxiety

  * Schizophrenia

  * Bipolar disease

  * Depersonalization disorder

  * Hallucinations

  * Uncontrolled, intrusive thoughts

  * Emotional instability

The techniques that follow require coherent brain function since they influence the circuits of attention, perception, and self-identity. If an individual's perceptions are currently malfunctioning to the point where their connection to reality or to their sense of self is disorganized, intense meditation and mindfulness may disorganize this connection further. Additionally, if a person's thinking processes or emotions are unstable, intense meditation and mindfulness may interfere with coping mechanisms that compensate for this instability, further exacerbating the underlying problem.

## Final Thoughts

The following chapters on meditation, mindfulness, and letting go describe each element in detail. Because of the interdependence of these three elements, each will only be fully appreciated when the chapters dedicated to them, Chapters 7 through 10, are read to completion. With this information and understanding, you will be ready for Chapter 11, which takes you systematically through the individual techniques for you to practice step by step.

#  7. Preparation

## Simplify Your Life

During the beginning of this process, you should assess your life. Developing egolessness in an ego-centered society is a difficult task. This is further taxed by the many demands on free time and stressors common in modern life. Take a while to reflect on the organization of your day and the demands on you and your time. Consider how these demands affect you from the perspective of ego. Can you practice meditation and mindfulness in harmony with these demands? Can you find peace within the demands? If not, consider eliminating some responsibilities or activities, getting help in executing them, or redefining your life and priorities.

Next, consider your material goals. Do you really need more stuff? With less stuff, you need less time acquiring stuff. When you do make a purchase, don't consider it the source of your joy or a jewel in your crown. After all, no matter what it is, it will fade, break, wear out, or otherwise lose whatever imaginary value it had in the first place. By simplifying your life in the reality of your day and the attitude of your mind, you will have more energy and fewer distractions to appreciate each moment of the day.

## Postures

### Legs

Because the mind and body are not separate, certain body postures are helpful to optimize the processes that discipline and focus the mind. This means compacting the body while avoiding distracting pressure points on the legs and buttocks and strain on the back, arms, and shoulders. Postures that are associated with relaxation or sleep encourage relaxation and sleep. Thus, lying in bed or sitting in a recliner are not ideal postures to promote concentration.

Postures commonly used in meditation (see illustrations) are listed here.

Full lotus (right foot over the left thigh and left foot over the right thigh)

Half lotus (one foot over the opposite thigh)

Quarter lotus (one foot over the opposite calf)

Burmese posture (both knees bent with calves flat on the floor parallel to each other)

Kneeling (with a pillow or bench under the buttocks)

Sitting in a chair with the back straight

The lotus offers stability at the cost of knee pressure. The Burmese posture is a favored compromise.

When sitting in any of the above positions, a cushion ( _zafu_ ), chair, or bench that's the right height will keep your legs in a stable position without undue pressure on the legs and keep your back straight without straining. (Pounding a _zafu_ around its circumference after each session of meditation will prevent it from becoming too firm from repeated sitting.) A pad ( _zabutan)_ , folded blanket, thick rug, or carpet on a bare floor will keep pressure off your feet and ankles.

### Hands

The position of your hands can contribute to your focus by the input of their sensors to anchor your awareness. One hand position involves placing them at the lower belly, left over right, so that the fingers of the left hand lay directly over their counterparts of the right hand while the tips of the thumbs touch each other, as if encircling an egg (see illusltrations below), the position of concentration/ _dhyani_. Another position is with each hand on the corresponding knee, palm up, in various permutations of thumbs touching fingers. Alternately, one hand may simply lay in the other on the lap. _Dhyani_ is a favored hand position as it keeps the body compact and, being at the belly, it reinforces attention to breathing.

If the hands are kept in the middle, rest them on the feet if leg posture allows or consider a small pillow under the hands to reduce strain on the shoulders. The various hand positions are derived from both Buddhist and yoga traditions and have come to symbolize many things, but there is no fundamental advantage of one position over another. Apply whichever position works best for you to maintain focus.

#  8. Meditation

## Introduction

As mentioned previously, focusing the mind is the closest thing we have to an off switch for unwanted thoughts and emotions. The first step involves strengthening the ability to focus by quietly being still and directing awareness to a single element or target.

Schools vary as to what the preferred target of focus should be: the sound of "mu" or another mantra (a sound or phrase with special meaning), the image of a flame, or awareness of breathing or body posture (yoga). Whatever the target, the common element of all of these and others is that focus is directed at a single element for an extended period of time.

Anything can serve as the target of focus, but it's easier to focus on something that changes cyclically, rather than a static target or one that is randomly changing. Breathing is such a target and is always with us. It holds attention through the senses of hearing, feeling, and the awareness of movement throughout the body. As such, it is the ideal target for novices and experienced meditators alike.

There are several ways to focus on breathing, starting with the easier and concrete technique of directing attention on a moving body part, then the more difficult and abstract technique of directing attention on the act of breathing. There are also other meditation techniques, which are listed below more or less in order of increasing difficulty. Whichever technique is practiced, it's important to focus intensely yet to practice with impersonal detachment from one moment to the next. The term "intensely" is used to describe unwavering and immersed focus. Intensity does not mean passionately, as passion originates with ego, which would be an obstacle to quieting the mind. Intense, immersed, and unwavering focus should be relaxed and restful. This is the meaning behind the instruction: "Be as focused as if your life depended on it, yet as detached as if it didn't." If your focus is not relaxed and restful, you're probably trying too hard.

Meditation involves directing your attention to a specific target. Do so without paying attention to how you feel or your sense of self.

## Practical Points

Meditation is an exercise to strengthen the brain's attention circuits that engage when there are no distractions. Intensely engaging this attention will inhibit unneeded or undesirable activity in other circuits. At the start of meditation, this inhibition can also involve some desirable functions, such as short-term memory, problem solving, and other cognitive tasks. For this reason, you may find yourself a bit unsettled when dealing with the "real word" during the first few days of meditation. Examples include slower reaction time, reduced short-term memory, and trouble prioritizing your activities.

As you continue meditating, followed by living your day, the desirable circuits that may have been inhibited at the start of meditation will reengage, and that unsettled feeling will fade. Therefore, start meditating when you have several days that don't require you to make important decisions, take part in complex activities, drive for long periods, or deal with stress. During these first few days, be particularly vigilant when working and driving.

As mentioned above, the act of focusing intensely reduces activity in certain brain circuits. If those circuits are responsible for learned coping skills, an underlying anxiety or tension those coping skills were masking will temporarily surface to the level of consciousness. With continued meditation, though, those anxieties or tensions will themselves be weakened. This is analogous to deleting, one by one, a series of bugs and bug fixes in a computer program or removing, layer by layer, the repair patches on an old coat. This does not mean that meditation is destined to unveil a Pandora's box of psychological maladies. Continued meditation may unveil some tensions, but it also defuses them. This is another reason to first start meditating when there are a few days when your intellectual demands are lowest and then to continue meditating regularly.

Meditation takes effort and is more effective if consistently practiced, and it will be consistently practiced if it's part of your day's routine, like brushing your teeth or making the bed. Consider the demands on your time and attention, and then decide whether morning or evening provides a less demanding and distracting period for sitting. If possible, try meditating both morning and evening.

Sit in whatever posture gives you stability and reasonable comfort, but remember, you're not trying to relax. I use the Burmese posture and put my hands in the concentration position (Dhyani) just below the level of my navel, on a small pillow to keep my shoulders from being strained.

Some schools suggest keeping the eyes open while sitting, and others suggest keeping them closed. I keep mine open. My perspective is to train as one lives the day, that is, with the eyes open. Also, keeping the eyes open reduces the mind's tendency to create imaginary distractions. If you do practice with your eyes open, point them ahead in a relaxed slightly downward direction without focusing on any point. Your eyes will tend to go out of focus; let them.

Some meditation centers have everyone facing a wall, while others have everyone facing each other with their backs to a wall. If you are facing the wall, avoid one with potentially evocative patterns, as your mind will try to create distracting images from those patterns. Like a bored child, the mind is always trying to find something to play with.

A timer will keep you from being distracted during meditation by making it unnecessary to think about the elapsed time. Additionally, setting a specific duration for meditation will encourage you to continue the practice until the bell rings should your will weaken and you want to stop prematurely. However, don't get discouraged if you do terminate the session before the timer rings. Just like target practice, missing the bull's eye is part of the process of hitting it.

Start sitting with a timer set for 15 minutes. Increase this duration by five minutes every few days as your stamina grows. Meditating for 20 to 30 minutes once a day may be enough to calm the mind, but achieving egolessness or awakening requires more. As with learning a new language, the more you practice, the more fluent you become. Using the analogy of the line drawing of an image, through our practice, we remove lines representing ego-reinforcing thoughts, while our culture, environment, and remaining mental habits put them back. Thus, we should meditate longer to succeed in reducing the lines of thought and to fade the image of ego. Consider meditating for one to two hours per day, (30- to 40- minute sessions, two to four times a day). I find that sitting for 30 to 40 minutes, twice a day on weekdays, and two such sessions in the morning and one at night on weekends fit into a modern schedule. Sitting regularly will eventually reduce your need for sleep, so there is not a great loss of time from the day.

The sections that follow describe five fundamental meditation techniques. They differ from each other by the targets placed under the spotlight of awareness. The techniques described are listed in increasing levels of difficulty. As such, each technique trains and prepares the mind for the ones that follow.

The starting technique involves a more concrete target of focus. As your concentration grows, you will progress to more abstract targets for meditation. Together these will strengthen your mind's ability to concentrate on the moment and detach from your ego. This is not to suggest this is a one-way climb up the ladder of difficulty. Your practice can change depending on your day and progress. For example, if you've had a more demanding day with more distractions or invasive thoughts, you can return to a more concrete meditation technique. As always, the technique that helps you focus and stills your mind is the best technique for you.

When you first sit down for a given session of meditation, it can be helpful to anchor your awareness with a more concrete target, such as the movements of the belly or the action of breathing. Then, as your mind steadies in the following few minutes, move your attention to your preferred target of focus, your preferred technique.

Sitting still with a mind immovably focused is different and more difficult than most other mental or physical activities of the day. Your attention may occasionally drift from your practice. When you recognize you've been detoured by extraneous thoughts pulling your attention away, simply go back to your original focus. Don't anticipate, interpret, or be distracted by auras, visions, epiphanies, itching, discomfort, sounds, or other experiences during meditation. Furthermore, don't judge, applaud, or criticize yourself or your practice. All these are distractions and should be ignored while redirecting your focus back to your practice.

Meditative religions have constructed an entire nomenclature and mythology assigning various spiritual meanings to these numerous distractions. They are all simply the last surviving impulses of mental activity after layers of controlling or inhibiting circuits have themselves been stilled by your focus. Ignore them. They are as illusory as any image perceived in the clouds, and if clung to, they are traps that hinder your practice. Simply redirect your focus to your practice without looking for special significance or making these illusions your goal. With continued unwavering and impersonal focus, they too will be stilled.

Avoid, if possible, shifting your posture or moving around while sitting, as the discipline needed to keep your body still will extend to the discipline required to keep your mind still. Any discomfort can serve as a message or motivator to focus more intensely on your practice. In his book, Three Pillars of Zen, Philip Kapleau wrote that his teacher would occasionally require the monks to sit outdoors unprotected from mosquitoes. The more uncomfortable the mosquito bites, the more the monks were to realize that their focus was not deep enough. This is a bit extreme, but you get the message. Most physical discomforts will fade with continued concentration, but if it is necessary to scratch an itch or adjust your posture, do so mindfully, with the same attention as for the target of your practice. Impersonally watch your actions as you move out of and then back into your posture and practice.

Keep these principles in mind as you learn about the meditation techniques below.

## Body Awareness

This practice strengthens your power of concentration and begins the process of silencing superfluous thoughts. While you're looking ahead or having your eyes closed, keep your mind's eye on a body part that's moving with each breath. This means putting your attention on your lower abdomen, chest, nostrils, or palms. Since self-identity is commonly experienced in our heads due to the power of our sense of vision, I prefer keeping attention far away, in the lower belly or in the palms positioned at the lower belly. Whichever body part you've chosen, stay consistently on the same target, being aware of its movements as you breathe. Each breath has a beginning, middle, end, and intervals in between. Pay attention to your body part moving throughout each of these moments of breathing, and as each moment flows into the next.

All your attention should be on that body part without trying to control its movements or your breathing. Furthermore, don't pay attention to your self. You should only be aware of the body part moving, from moment to moment, millisecond by millisecond. Nothing else matters.

If it's difficult to maintain your focus at the start, you can use labels for the components of breathing to help direct your attention. Inhale while mentally saying "one" for each inhalation and then exhale while mentally saying "two" for each exhalation. Alternately, you can mentally say "rising" for each inhalation and "falling" for each exhalation. After a week or so, stop using the words, and just keep your awareness on the body part moving during breathing.

If it's difficult to give up control of breathing, keep your control, but do so while purposely slowing down each exhalation or both inhalation and exhalation slightly. All the while, you should focus all your attention on the body part moving with each breath. After several sessions or weeks of slowing the breaths, see if you can let go of your control and let each breath happen on its own. If not, return to the slowed breathing until your concentration has developed to the point where you can let go of your need to control.

This basic meditation technique strengthens your concentration and prepares you for more abstract techniques later. As basic as it is, don't consider this a stepping-stone. Life's demands vary, and the brain's energy may falter, which may at times tax your ability to apply more abstract meditation techniques. Thus, if there are days when you have difficulty stilling your mind with other techniques, don't hesitate to return to the meditation of body awareness.

If you are becoming more anxious, self-conscious, emotional, or otherwise out of sorts with this practice, you are probably personalizing the experience, paying more attention to your self-identity than to the body part moving with each breath. Let go of the feeling of self. Be aware of that body part with the same relaxed, detached, and uninvolved attitude as watching a pendulum swing. If you're still feeling out of sorts or anxious, it may mean you're trying too hard to concentrate intensely. Stop worrying about intensity. Just watch each movement of the body part you've chosen as you breathe; watch in a relaxed frame of mind as if watching a wave on a lake.

## Breathing Awareness

This practice begins the process of deconditioning your mind from thinking in terms of thingness and further strengthens your focus to silence superfluous, self-referencing thoughts. Instead of being aware of the belly, hands, or other body part moving, direct your awareness to the action of breathing. Don't focus on a single body part moving to the breath; simply watch the action of breathing with full concentration, from the beginning to the end of each inhalation and exhalation and all the moments in between. Watch your breathing in terms of the action rather than the parts involved. It may help to first be aware of the movement of your entire body during each moment of breathing for a few minutes, and then try to transition your attention to the action of breathing.

There is a subtle yet significant distinction between body and action awareness. The former continues the mind's attachment to thingness, while the latter weakens it. At the start, you may not understand the difference between the awareness of a body part moving and the awareness of the action of breathing. Keep trying. Trust that your brain will figure out what it is you're trying to do.

All your attention should be on the action of breathing without trying to control it. Furthermore, don't pay attention to your self. Be aware of the action, from moment to moment, millisecond by millisecond. Nothing else matters.

If there are days when your concentration is reduced, apply the same focusing tools you used in the meditation of body awareness. Put your mind's eye on the action of breathing; use the labels "one" and "two," or "rising" and "falling" for each inhalation and exhalation, respectively; or slow down your breaths slightly.

As with the previous caution, if you're becoming more anxious or out of sorts with this practice, pay more attention to the action of breathing, and let go of your sense of self. Watch the action of breathing with the same detached, impersonal attitude as watching a leaf floating in a breeze.

## Detached Self-Awareness

This practice begins the process of deconditioning your mind from thinking in terms of self. This involves being aware of your self with an impersonal detached mindset. Observe your self, your breaths, and your thoughts with an uninvolved third-person perspective. Watch your self throughout each moment of each breath. When a thought appears, observe it with indifference as it ripples, like a wave across a pond, while still being objectively aware of your self and your breathing. When a thought pulls your attention away, let go of it and return your full impersonal attention to watching your self and each moment of your breathing.

Impersonally observing your self does not mean that you form a mental image of yourself as if seeing yourself in a photograph or a movie. Rather, it means being aware of your self from within.

If it's difficult at the start to observe your self impersonally, try the following transitions. First, with your mind's eye, watch the movements of your entire body during each moment of breathing. Then, impersonally watch the movements of your entire body during each moment of breathing, as if your body was just another object in the room. Then, impersonally watch the person that is breathing (your self) do the breathing, as if your self was just another person in the room. If you're having difficulty at the start, keep trying. There's a good chance your brain will figure out what you're trying to do over the next few weeks. Once you've mastered the technique, be as focused as if your life depended on it, but be as dispassionate and impersonal as if it didn't.

In the previously described meditation of breathing awareness, attention is on the action of breathing. In detached self-awareness, your attention is on the self that is doing the breathing. This is a subtle but important distinction in both practice and purpose. The first primarily reduces the formation of spontaneous thoughts and the mind's tendency to think in terms of thingness. The second strengthens the mind's ability to impersonalize the sense of self, thus letting go of the thingness of self.

By objectively observing your self as you sit in meditation, you manifest the reality that your awareness and self-identity are separate from each other. The impersonal observation of your self-identity weakens the connection between your awareness and this identity, your ego. This, in turn, weakens the egocentric motivations that drive your thoughts and actions. Furthermore, you become less affected by previous ego-threatening stimuli, and emotions become less invasive, intense, and debilitating.

It may seem counterintuitive to observe your self intensely to loosen the grip of ego. The key element is detachment: the same observation that is the impersonal, objective, uninvolved, detached perspective of looking at a pile of laundry or an empty chair. Using the analogy of the line drawing of a face, this practice trains the mind to see the lines without being distracted by the image of the face. Detachment separates awareness from the ego and its associated self-serving thoughts and emotions.

There is a caution related to detached self-awareness. If you are better able to observe yourself than you are able to detach from (impersonalize) your thoughts and feelings, you may accentuate the ego's hold on your awareness rather than loosen it. Therefore, if you notice you're becoming more emotional, anxious, self-conscious, arrogant, or otherwise feeling more out of sorts with this practice, realize that you must work harder on detachment. If you cannot be detached, abandon this form of meditation for a few weeks or months. Go back to breathing awareness or body awareness until your strength of focus and detachment have improved.

## Choiceless Global Awareness

This practice continues deconditioning your mind from thinking in terms of thingness and self. The state of choiceless global awareness is the state of complete objective awareness and the separation of awareness from thoughts and feelings. This awareness is open to all that is going on in both the environment and within your mind. This means being aware of your breathing, your body sitting, any sounds in the environment, and the ebb and flow of any thoughts and feelings without attachment. All the while, you are being aware without being carried away by any thoughts or feelings that arise.

Choiceless global awareness is one of the most difficult of practices. There is no steady focus point, as the spotlight of awareness is not a spot but everywhere. You watch with complete attention whatever comes into awareness during each millisecond of each moment but with complete detachment.

In a world where work must be done, where we must concentrate on a particular job or responsibility, the meditation of choiceless global awareness may make concentrating on a single selected element more difficult. If this becomes the case, stop practicing choiceless global awareness for a few weeks. Go back to breathing awareness or detached self-awareness for a while; then, practice choiceless global awareness intermittently, rather than exclusively. Until you can effectively shift your attention between focused and choiceless global awareness in the working world, it may be best not to practice this form of meditation too often. However, once your concentration has grown strong enough to keep focused in the working world, practice this meditation often. Choiceless global awareness will greatly enhance your objective awareness and your experience of egolessness.

## Lovingkindness

This practice deemphasizes thinking in terms of self and opens the mind to the value of others. Compassion is not just a trait, it's also a choice. It involves the recognition that each living thing on the planet has intrinsic value no less than your own. It is fostering a caring and loving mindset continually rather than as a spotlight on a favored person. The meditation of lovingkindness directs attention away from the ego and facilitates the brain's circuitry to continue the mindset of compassion throughout the day.

Start by picturing someone you deeply care about, and then watch the loving feeling this generates. Be aware of the feeling of loving itself. If your focus drifts or you lose the ability to focus on that loving, use the image of that special someone to recreate the feeling. Eventually, that image will not be necessary.

Alternately, repeat certain phrases that are the heart of a traditional Buddhist teaching on lovingkindness ( _Metta Sutta_ ). From the repetition comes the feeling; from the feeling comes the state of being. Mindful attention to each word and repetition are the keys to internalizing the meaning of the words. It's important that you repeat these phrases with attention on the meaning and the feeling without an ego-centered "I." Multiple versions have been written. Some use the verbs "feel," "be filled with," or "be." Some use the word "lovingkindness" for "caring and kind." Others add phrases for the state of "being well" in place of "healthy." Feel free to amend the words to those that feel comfortable for you while retaining their meaning, since it is the meaning rather than the words themselves that transform you.

May I feel caring and kind.

May everyone feel caring and kind.

May I feel safe and at peace.

May everyone feel safe and at peace.

May I feel healthy and happy.

May everyone feel healthy and happy.

## Final Thoughts

While sitting, you may experience new perceptions and erroneously label these experiences as markers of "good" practice, making them your goal, rather than simply focusing on your practice. In meditation and mindfulness, there are no goals. A goal is something to reach for in the future, but your practice is all about living in the present moment. Put your attention on your meditation and mindfulness practice, ignoring all else.

We all have good days and bad days determined by the types of interactions we've had and the demands with which we've had to contend. Additionally, our bodies and minds do not function at the same level from day to day. Thus, some sitting periods will seem stronger or weaker than others. Even "experts" have noted that their sitting intensity can change from one day to the next. I mention this so the novice is not disheartened when attention wanes some days compared to others. The best thing to do is to continue meditating, and afterwards, go on with the day without making judgments about the quality of your meditation.

The initial hard work, fatigue, and distractions during meditation can become potential obstacles to continued practice and may require passion to keep the effort going. But, there is the hitch. Passion comes from the ego, and though it motivates our practice, passion reinforces our sense of self and magnifies our attachment to goals, one aspect of ego pretending to be an ally against itself. This demonstrates how subversive the thought patterns are that encompass the ego. Some meditative traditions have terminology for these various patterns, but they are all manifestations of the ego nonetheless. Use that passion to help propel your practice; then, let the passion go. Otherwise, you may fortify rather than extinguish the ego.

Sit with your focus as intense as if your life depended on it and let go of everything else: worries, regrets, hopes, goals, and your passion as well. When thoughts are more invasive, silently say, "Let go" to help loosen the grip of those thoughts on awareness. When attention wavers, silently say "Now" to redirect your attention back to the present moment. When passions, emotions, or attachments refuse to wane, silently say "Just watch" to bring your attention to your target and fade those distractions. During meditation, focus on your practice and nothing else. During meditation there is only focusing on your practice, from moment to moment, millisecond by millisecond. When you're done sitting, carry the focus you've just strengthened (the intensified awareness of the moment) into the activities of the day.

In each moment of your meditation practice, doing the practice is your only purpose. There is no goal to achieve, no feeling to feel, no thought to think. There is no point to meditation other being aware of the target of your practice. Just continue the practice like completing each sit-up of an exercise routine, one sit-up after another, not expecting anything except to do the current sit-up. Don't get involved in or distracted by any goals, sensations, thoughts, or questions. Be focused on your meditation as if your life depended on it, yet stay as detached as if it didn't.

I'm repeating myself because this intensity of concentration and detachment is rarely applied in daily life and because strong concentration and detachment are the foundations of awakening. These skills will grow with practice, and as they do, those mental habits supporting the ego will weaken.

Meditation, mindfulness, and detachment (to be discussed in the next chapters) involve greater use of some brain circuits and less of others. This change in the brain's stimulation pattern will cause new synapses to form and old ones to weaken, and supporting cells (glia) will adapt their activity and alter their number. In other words, the brain will remodel itself. Because of this process, you will notice your dreams are more vivid for the first several nights or a week. Additionally, you may need more sleep during this period. These phenomena will be more dramatic the more intensely you meditate and the more consistently you practice mindfulness. However, compared to an ego-centered life, living without ego is less complicated. Your brain will no longer need to process everything twice, once for awareness and again for the ego. Therefore, as you continue your practice while sitting and living mindfully each day, your need for sleep will eventually lessen while simultaneously becoming more restful.

At first, meditation may seem boring - concentrating on the same thing over and over - because there is a strong sense of self to be entertained that wants to be satisfied and is strongly linked to time. Then meditation becomes a struggle to resist the onslaught of thoughts pulling in different directions, like a tug of war over your attention. Then, as the number of thoughts diminishes and focus strengthens, it's still an effort to keep your focus steady against the remaining currents of thought, like a tightrope walker in a breeze. Finally, meditation becomes an effortless awareness floating steadily while transient waves of thought come and go without disturbing your underlying stillness. Repetition and consistency are the keys.

Slow, practiced movements or postures, like those of tai chi or yoga, direct your attention to the movement or body. In other words, they represent the physical expression of action awareness and detached self-awareness. As such, if you practice tai chi or yoga just before meditating, you will propel your meditation to a deeper level.

There is one report in the literature of a mental disorder arising from meditation. As mentioned earlier, focusing suppresses thoughts, and if those thoughts were coping mechanisms for some underlying mental pain or maladaptive thinking, that pain or thinking pattern could manifest itself. If the individual then became preoccupied with these negative influences, instead of impersonally focusing attention on the moment, mental illness could result. This would be especially true if there was a predisposition for mental illness. This predisposition may be the result of a strong family history of mental illness, or a personal history of significant or repeated head trauma, physical or emotional trauma, or abuse. Thus, I would strongly recommend that persons who wish to practice meditation intensely, who suffer with or have symptoms suggestive of mental illness, or those who may have a propensity for mental illness, as mentioned above, meditate with the guidance of a therapist or meditation teacher.

#  9. Mindfulness
## Introduction

While meditation strengthens the mind's focusing ability in an undistracted environment, mindfulness applies the focused mind in daily life. Mindfulness is attention to the moment throughout a day occupied with potential ego-reinforcing influences at work, with family, and at play. Like the movements of the feet in a dance, mindfulness reproduces the mental pattern that is egoless objective awareness itself. When learning a dance, most of the effort at the start goes toward consciously performing the individual steps. With time and practice, the purposefulness of learning transitions to the intuitiveness of the dance, where the steps flow without forethought. So it is with mindfulness, initially deliberate then gradually automatic.

In meditation, attention is practiced moment by moment during the sitting session; in mindfulness, attention is practiced from the first moment of waking to the last moment of wakefulness at bedtime. Four techniques for mindfulness are described, each having characteristics that help being mindful in different settings: inactivity, simple or frenetic activity, and interpersonal interactions. At first, you may not understand how to do the mindfulness techniques described below, but with continued practice, trust that your brain will figure out what it needs to do. If you are still struggling, seek out a teacher to help.

## Action Awareness

This is the mindfulness version of breathing awareness during meditation. In school, we are taught that the subject of a sentence is the noun. Now consider the action (verb) as the subject of each moment instead of things (nouns).

To practice action awareness, focus on the action in the moment, losing your self in the action. Be fully aware of the experience of the action rather than thinking about its completion or your self. When walking, be aware of the steps of walking. When folding laundry, be aware of the folding and the sorting. When brushing your teeth, taking a shower, getting dressed, pulling weeds, dusting, cleaning, cooking, washing the dishes, doing laundry, and all the other simple activities of the day, put the action under the spotlight of your awareness rather than the things involved, yourself, or the completion of the task. If you need help directing your attention to the action, say the verb for the action you're experiencing without the subject "I," for example: "washing," "walking," "folding," "pulling," and so on. You should not keep a monologue in your head, make judgments, or think about other activities or daydream. All your attention is on the action.

Our senses are powerful influences on perception and fool us into thinking that what we see and feel is all that is. By practicing the mindfulness of action awareness, we begin to recognize that there is something beyond the illusion of thingness that our senses of vision and touch have convinced us is the primary nature of reality and self. By keeping our attention away from thingness, toward action, we start to escape the constraints of our previous conditioning, as did the previously mentioned "prisoner of thingness."

Keeping your awareness on the action isn't very difficult when the action is as simple as those mentioned above, but it's more difficult when the activity is complex or there are interactions with others, such as driving a car, playing sports, or being at a dinner party. If action awareness is difficult due to the complexity of the moment, consider practicing detached self-awareness or global awareness.

## Detached Self-Awareness

The mindfulness of detached self-awareness is similar to the meditation of the same name. It involves objectively and impersonally watching yourself as you do the activities of the day, be they simple or complex. Your detachment should be as impersonal as watching a stranger across the street but as focused as if listening for a whisper.

Detachment does not mean avoiding your emotions or distancing yourself from your feelings or unpleasant circumstances. As Adyashanti writes in his book, The Way of Liberation, "You are not trying to change your experience; you are changing your relationship to your experience." Detachment is not meant to change the elements of your reality but rather your mindset toward it. If you are avoiding undesirable or unpleasant circumstances with the excuse of being detached, you are misapplying the concept of detachment. Chapter 10 will provide more insight into this skill.

With practice, you will understand that you can be mindfully detached yet still be able to spontaneously respond to the moment: to laugh, cry, or be still, according to the needs of the moment. In other words, watch your self as you flow through all the moments of the day.

Detached self-awareness can be applied in most daily situations, from simple activities to social interactions. All that is needed is deliberate attention from the third-person perspective. There are two occasions, though, when global awareness (discussed below) may be more appropriate: situations where there is no activity (e.g., standing in a queue) or where activity is very hectic (e.g., playing sports or an animated party).

Just as with the meditation of detached self-awareness, be vigilant for any signs of exaggeration of the ego. If you are more able to observe yourself than to detach from your thoughts, feelings, or self-identity, you may accentuate the ego's hold on your awareness rather than loosen it. If you notice you're becoming more emotional, anxious, self-conscious, arrogant, or otherwise feeling out of sorts with this practice, realize that you must work on being objective and detached by practicing the third-person perspective, or abandon this form of mindfulness for a while. Consider meditating with detached self-awareness or breathing awareness so you can become more detached during mindfulness.

## Global Awareness

The mindfulness of global awareness has two variations depending on the circumstances in which it is applied: choiceless and projected. In stillness, the mindfulness of choiceless global awareness is similar to the meditation of the same name, encompassing both the environment and the mind. In the setting of activity, projected global awareness involves focusing on the environment, like a wide-angle lens, but without attention to the mind's own activities. The difference between the two is based on a single practical consideration: To function in activity, awareness needs to be directed at that activity rather than one's own mental phenomena.

To practice choiceless global awareness in the setting of stillness, open your awareness to everything, whether in the mind or the environment. Observe any phenomena without personalizing them or being lured away from your state of global awareness.

To practice projected global awareness in the setting of action, project your attention into the environment ahead and around you, like a soldier entering a battle zone, all senses on alert. Notice, without mental comment, all the sights and sounds that surround you. All your attention is on whatever enters your awareness, without attending to your own thoughts or self-identity.

When standing in a store queue or waiting for a bus or other event, consider applying the mindful stillness of choiceless global awareness. Conversely, when the action in the moment is complex or frenetic, such as playing sports or driving in traffic, be mindful with projected global awareness. But global awareness, choiceless or projected, can also be practiced in other degrees of action as well, such as grocery shopping, on a walk or a hike, mowing the lawn, etc. Practice whatever form of global awareness that allows you to function while still being detached and fully aware of the moment.

As with the meditation of choiceless global awareness, the mindfulness of global awareness may make concentrating on a single element more difficult. If this becomes the case, stop this practice for a while, returning to action awareness or detached self-awareness. Until you can shift between focused and global awareness in the working world, it may be best not to practice this form of mindfulness extensively.

## Lovingkindness

Just as with the meditation of lovingkindness, this mindfulness technique manifests the reality that each living thing on the planet has intrinsic value no less than your own.

Be aware of the individual in each person you encounter, recognizing his or her worth. This does not mean going out of your way to do someone a favor or to act to feel good about yourself. Nor does this mean giving in, appeasing, or being submissive. Look at strangers with the same perspective as for family or friends. Lose your self in the interaction. When not interacting with people, experience a loving feeling in each moment, emanating forth without a target. It may help to meditate with lovingkindness before applying this mindfulness technique.

## Final Thoughts

Initial attempts at mindfulness may retain the subjectivity you've previously "normally" experienced. Continued practice with both meditation and mindfulness, however, diminishes your superfluous thoughts and, as a result, weakens your subjectivity. This, then, allows you to deliberately shift your mindful awareness from the subjective perspective into the contrasting perspective of objective awareness, encompassing whatever target you've chosen for your attention. This perceptual shift may be difficult for non-meditators to understand or experience, so it's likely you may not experience this shift initially. With your continued practice of meditation and mindfulness, however, your brain will eventually rewire itself, and you will be able to experience this phenomenon.

There are many aspects to a typical day, and mindful awareness to all aspects requires different skills. Mindfulness during inactivity vs. activity, awareness to simple vs. complex actions, and being alone vs. attending to interpersonal interactions all enlist different mental faculties that share two qualities: the strengthening of attention and the shifting of focus away from ego. Thus, get comfortable with shifting from one mindfulness technique to another, depending on the circumstances. But, don't flitter from one technique to another in the same setting, like an undecided apprentice who never practices one thing long enough to gain any skill.

The different types mindfulness techniques here may remind you of the stereotypical Chinese menu and cause some confusion over which to choose and when. But, there is a certain simplicity to them. The various techniques discussed differ primarily in your choice of target for the spotlight of your awareness: action, the self, or the combination of both. If your target of attention is your own action, be mindful with action awareness. If your target is action is in the environment, however, be mindful with projected global awareness. If your target is your impersonal self, be mindful with detached self-awareness. Finally, if your attention is all inclusive, be mindful with choiceless global awareness.

Looking in different directions enlists the action of different eye muscles but is still just looking. Similarly, being aware of different targets involves different mental skills but is still just being aware.

If you are getting involved in an inner monologue, consider it a sign that your attention in mindfulness is weakening, then increase your awareness in the moment. As you practice, you may curse the stressors that interfere with your mindfulness or pull you toward the egocentric thinking you are trying to extinguish. Instead of hindrances, consider them signs that show you where your efforts need to be strengthened. Accept the stressors mindfully and dispassionately. Without these challenges, you may become lax, stagnate, or regress.

Consistency and repetition are the keys to making mindfulness automatic. Because we've been conditioned into thinking from the egocentric perspective since childhood and this perception is maintained by our culture, it's easy to lapse into egocentric thinking if you're not attentive. Therefore, be as vigilant as when your mother told you to keep your posture straight, from the moment of waking through to bedtime. With practice, you'll quickly recognize when you've drifted away from being mindful. Then you'll be able to shift back more easily into mindful objective awareness, just as the subjects in Sekiyama's experiment (Chapter 4) could deliberately shift between the visual perceptions of right and left. Appreciating the hidden image in the stereogram at the beginning of this book required you to deliberately shift your visual focus. Similarly, mindfulness requires a deliberate shift of the focus of your awareness throughout the day.

At first, you ponder which mindfulness technique to apply to your current situation, like questioning which dance fits the style of music you're hearing. And, just as looking at your dance partner may distract you from keeping to the rhythm of the music, the day's events may distract you from keeping your mindful perspective. With practice, though, you find that the situation suggests the mindfulness technique, just as the style of music chooses the style of the dance; moreover, practice helps you maintain your state of mindfulness more often. Nonetheless, distractions still ignite previous egocentric habits and pull your attention away or your attention weakens, causing you to drift out of mindfulness. Throughout the initial period, you shift between mindfulness, inattention, and ego-centered thinking, then back to mindfulness. With more practice, however, your attention strengthens and you spend more time being mindful and less time being distracted. Eventually, mindfulness is second nature. Like the flow of a well-practiced dance where the movements of the legs just happen, egoless objective awareness becomes part of the experience of every moment. Still, some situations can make you stumble to slip into to your previous ego-centered perceptions and responses. But, like a pendulum that's been pushed from its resting middle, you're able to return to the quiet center. With continued practice, mindfulness becomes a state you purposely keep, but it's still not yet natural, like a well known second language that's not as fluent as your native tongue. Eventually though, effortless mindfulness just is. And, when the challenges of reality face you, your egoless response flows without hesitation. Repetition and consistency are the keys.

#  10. Letting Go

Letting go involves stopping the mental or physical manifestations of ego as well as certain habits acquired during meditation and mindfulness that are more subtle expressions of ego.

## Detachment

The previous chapters on meditation and mindfulness discussed where to direct your attention; this section discusses how to direct your attention.

There are two perspectives for attention. One is the conventional, automatic, personal, and egocentric attention that is associated with the feeling of a self-identity, "me." Furthermore, if a target holds some personal significance, this form of attention can trigger a host of ego-centered thoughts and emotions, which, together with the feeling of self, are called attachments. When you are given a gift, you have a certain ego-centered experience related to theses attachments.

The second perspective for attention is the more deliberate, detached, impersonal perspective, without the feeling of a self-identity. When you observe a stranger receive a gift, you have no ego-centered experience because you observe the event with an uninvolved perspective. Detachment, the letting go of attachments, is that same impersonal and uninvolved perspective applied to your own life. It is the same perspective as when seeing a passing car, a cloud overhead, a sofa cushion, or an old shoe.

Also, certain tasks require you to apply detached awareness, in addition to mindfulness. Examples include: threading a needle, slowly tying your shoelaces, and cross-stitching. These are simple tasks, yet they often require strongly focused awareness. Both, the impersonal perspective and task related awareness, direct attention away from the feeling of self and toward the current moment.

If the concept of detachment is still difficult to understand, try threading a small needle several times a day for about a week. Observe how your attention during this task differs from your attention during the rest of your day. After a few days or a week, you may be able to see the difference. Then, practice applying this same detached task related awareness at will for all the activities of your day.

Detachment involves letting go of the self-identity and any ego-centered thoughts and emotions related to the elements of the moment, impersonally being aware of the elements of the moment and self. This is what is meant by the words "just watch," "dispassionate awareness," and "detached awareness," observing without adding any feeling of your own specialness or sense of self to the experience. At the start, it's a deliberate mindset that you purposely apply to every moment. With practice, it becomes automatic.

Detached awareness of each moment leads you to notice as each moment becomes the next in a series of "nows." Thinking in terms of the "past" holds on to a memory, thought, or feeling from a previous now, while thinking in terms of the "future" reaches for a hope or expectation in a now that has not yet occurred. Both are distractions preventing you from focusing all your attention on the current now. One cannot truly appreciate the subtleties and nuance of the present while being distracted by memories from a past or expectations in a future. Thus, thinking in terms of now helps to let go of attachments to a past or a future.

Detachment is not the psychiatric condition of depersonalization disorder, which is the involuntary and distressing feeling of being disconnected from or not being in control of one's physical body or mental activities. Detachment is completely under a person's control and results in a tranquil mind.

Detachment is not the psychological coping mechanism of dissociation where feelings or memories are hidden from the sense of self, to avoid the pain they evoke for this self. This can occur with certain strong sensory experiences or events that have great significance for our sense of self or survival. Detachment does not involved hiding or escaping from anything. Memories remain but are not clung to. Emotions are experienced but are proportional and non-invasive.

Detachment is not distancing oneself from the environment. Distancing involves deliberately separating yourself or putting up walls between experiences and one's ego, or hiding from feelings and emotions. In the process of distancing, one is forced to pay attention to any negative emotions or perceptions of an uncomfortable experience and the sense of self to separate the two. You cannot separate a cat and a mouse involved in a fracas, without paying attention to both. Detachment, however, puts all your attention on the experience without putting value on a sense of self or ego-generated emotions.

Detachment requires a focused mind and insight to really understand what it means and how to apply it. Often, however, this focus and insight must first be developed through meditation. This is a sort of paradox - detachment deepens your meditative practice, but meditation is often first needed to understand the process of detachment.

Thus, as you initially meditate with the techniques of body awareness and breathing awareness, do so with the conventional, personal awareness with which you're comfortable. As your concentration strengthens, your mind stills, and your insight grows, you can start practicing detachment. First, imagine something that has absolutely no importance for you, or simply be aware of your foot or hand. Observe your detached state of mind as you do this, then shift this impersonal mindset to the target of your meditative practice. As your ability to become detached grows, you will be able to watch every experience with the same impersonal objectivity.

Detachment is very different from an individual's usual mindset and largely alien to non-meditators. To shed light on the phenomenon, let me describe two personal experiences.

While in postgraduate school, a panic attack woke me in the middle of the night before an important exam. My heart thumped so intensely, it felt as if it was going to explode. I felt a choking sensation in my throat, and I felt the extreme fear of someone falling to their death. I suffered through the experience for a minute or two then decided to look at it as if it were a specimen on a plate, objectively and impersonally. In an instant, all symptoms stopped.

A nearly paralyzing anxiety occurred when I found myself lying at the ready, atop a 76-foot-high water slide during a trip to a water park with my daughters. I was instructed to push myself over the edge when I was ready, but my fear kept me from committing myself to the near-vertical drop. I took a moment and "became one" with the experience by looking at it fully and impersonally. My anxiety disappeared, allowing me to calmly push myself over the edge and "into the abyss."

The "impersonal looking" that I applied to these individual moments is the detachment that is to be applied in every moment in meditation and throughout the day in mindfulness.

## Removing Obstacles

Obstacles are ego-reinforcing habits that are often considered normal behavior or part of the culture in the family, among coworkers, friends, or in society. Some of these habits may have been repeated so often, they've become associated with personality.

Don't create emotion where no emotion exists. Melodrama belongs on TV sitcoms, not in daily life. There are many examples of ordinary conversations being turned into theatrics and interpersonal relationships turned into a circus of emotions. Becoming angry or annoyed at every transgression, being disappointed by unmet expectations, taking things personally, taking yourself too seriously, and not accepting the needs of the moment or the unchangeable aspects of life: all inflame or inflate the ego. They engage the emotions of anger or fear leading to both self-referencing and egocentricity, which can then produce a cascade of emotional echoes. Although these examples highlight common events, they are neither mature nor conducive to egolessness. They have no place in your reality. Abandon them. Cultivate the feelings of compassion, peace, and acceptance instead.

When an emotion develops, see it for what it is, a passing wave. Experience it, then let it pass, moving your attention back to the present moment. Don't be carried off or cling to emotional echoes in your head. Avoid kneejerk emotional responses or being dragged into any emotional turmoil created by the company you keep.

Avoid creating tension when people annoy you or the events of the day don't go as planned. Foster a frame of mind that accepts others and the potential frustrations of the day. Change what can be changed and accept what cannot. Let go of any frustration and avoid commenting on or reliving events.

Practice self-control and equanimity in both mind and body. Avoid dramatic manipulations of your voice or facial expressions, head bobbing, or theatric gesticulation during conversations. Don't talk dramatically or loudly or chatter for the sake of chatter. Look and listen throughout the day. Talk when needed for information and humor in a calm voice, neither loud nor emotional. Remember, though, to be part of your environment. A party may call for revelry, a joke calls for laughter, and grief calls for tears. But, most days call for quiet equanimity.

In a consumer-driven or religious society, we are bombarded by messages of what is good or bad, and better or worse, regardless of how irrelevant those comparisons are in our lives. Of course, judgments must be made for important decisions, but outside this context, most judgments are superfluous and irrelevant and emanate from and reinforce the ego, so avoid them. Observe and accept the present without unnecessary judgment or criticism.

Avoid multitasking. In a modern life where demands are many and time seems lacking, it's tempting to consolidate activities to do as much as possible simultaneously. As efficient and time saving as this may appear, it encourages a distracted mind and a weakened focus, the very characteristics meditation and mindfulness are designed to remedy. So, instead of opposing the efforts of your practice, think about, focus on, and mindfully do one thing at a time.

Certain virtual/computer games and movies confer the perception of superhuman ability (sci-fi) or supremacy over others (battle scenes). Or, they are so emotionally charged or realistic they engross the player in their emotion and realism, taking the player away from reality. Thus, these features disrupt your attempts to maintain detached mindfulness in the present. Avoid them, keep your exposure to a minimum, or enjoy them with mindful detachment.

Certain activities involve perceiving super-human abilities such as driving a car, jeep or motorcycle on or off the road, or shooting a gun or an arrow. Additionally, some activities may confer the feeling of supremacy over others, such as the martial arts. Perhaps this is one of their alluring factors, but in the process of abandoning ego, this feeling of supremacy is an obstacle. If you choose to continue these activities, enjoy them by directing your attention toward the skill and your objective awareness in each moment of the activity. In other words, practice mindfulness, and let go of any ego-enhancing sense of power or supremacy these activities may confer to you.

Certain life situations may also confer the feeling of supremacy over others or specialness compared to others, such as power, wealth, and celebrity. If you are in one of these situations, be aware of any ego-enhancing attention being directed toward you due to these superficial attributes and any feeling of superiority or distinction you may experience yourself. Apply the mindfulness techniques discussed, and let go of any sense of specialness or superiority.

Conversely, certain life circumstances may confer a feeling of inferiority to others, such as lower social status, employment hierarchy, and poverty. If you are in one of these situations, be aware of any ego-centered feelings or negative distinction you may experience. Practice mindfulness and let go of any feelings of inferiority.

Sex, as other strong physical stimuli, can pull awareness toward your self-identity. And, as with other strong emotional experiences, sex can strengthen your attachment to your self-identity. Thus, using sex for your own pleasure, aggrandizement, or sense of power or control will fortify your ego. However, if you relate both your physical and emotional experiences to your partner, your ego will less likely be reinforced by the experience. You can certainly enjoy the experience mindfully or return to mindfulness soon afterwards.

Unless your mind's discipline has developed enough to effortlessly stop the random self-perpetuating waves of thought the mind is so apt to create, avoid prolonged solitude or inactivity. Random thoughts occur most commonly when we are inactive or alone. Solitude and inactivity stop external stimulation, so having none, a mind in need of stimulation will try to create its own. Once created, this stimulation produces more stimuli, thoughts after thoughts, like the step-after-step of a perpetual motion Rube Goldberg machine. And like a Rube Goldberg creation, there is no point to them except to propagate more of the same, in an ever-spiraling course of egocentricity and, sometimes, mental illness.

## Releasing Tenacious Thoughts

For most circumstances, focusing on your practice will quiet your mind. However, there may be certain thoughts and feelings that just will not give up their hold on your awareness. Life can have many emotional experiences, which can create pleasant and distressing memories and positive and negative emotions. Longings, regrets, resentments, and more can seductively drag your awareness away from the present. It will require your conscious effort to let them go.

Letting go is the deliberate effort to release the grip of clinging thoughts and memories. When they can't be stilled by focusing your mind, the phrase or thought "Let go" while slowly exhaling may do the trick. With practice, the phrase, slowly exhaling, or simply the will to let go will succeed. Letting go does not mean ignoring emotions. When they arise, experience them but then let them pass without clinging to their echoes.

This is not a skill that can be demonstrated or broken down into steps. Just keep applying the mental attitude of letting go or using the words. The key is practice, so keep trying, and eventually your brain will figure it out.

Symptoms of clinging can include tremor, anxiety, overthinking, obsessive thoughts, a recurrent inner monologue, and heart pounding. If these occur, concentrate to strengthen your attention, and be impersonally aware to detach from your ego, while both sitting and being mindful. Express the will to let go when clinging emotions, thoughts, or worries take hold. Then, direct your attention more fully to the elements in the moment.

## Avoiding Traps

Because the ego's tenacity can be subtle and covert, we must always be wary of traps the ego builds in the course of our attempts to subdue it. Below are listed some of the ego-reinforcing habits that arise from misapplying the concepts of meditation and mindfulness.

Arrogance may arise as you progress in meditation. This comes from the mistaken notion that, as a meditator, you are better than others or, thanks to your clearer mind, you become more skillful than others. Accept any differences without judgment. Foster a mindset of humility.

Sometimes, meditation can make you feel so good that you escape to the solitude of meditation, separating yourself from your environment and leaving mindfulness behind. The day has many facets, so embrace them all. Develop the skills for meditation, mindfulness, and letting go.

Stagnation results when you cling to the comfort and pleasure of whatever level of equanimity you've attained. You may want to stay there while your ego lives on, taking pleasure in your peace of mind. If this should occur, recognize it, concentrate, deepen your practice, and lose your self in the moment. Be more mindful to the events of the day, and don't pay attention to any equanimity you may have attained. Some teachers may suggest at this point looking into or asking yourself during meditation: "Who is it that's actually seeing?" "Who is it that's actually breathing?" "Who is it that's feeling so at peace?" "What else is there?" to push you past the comfortable plateau on which you've settled.

The Noydes

They're silent and stealthy so look out, beware,

They'll sneak up and invade, you better take care.

Neither short nor tall, nor blue or red,

They're not in your closet, nor under your bed.

Although they're everywhere you can be,

Them you won't hear, there's nothing to see.

When displeased or peeved, or seeing red,

The noydes will make, a home in your head.

The noydes can make, any imagined thorn or nail,

Injure and wound, and hurt you without fail.

Those noydes are strong, they're hard to beat,

Their influence can reach, down to your feet.

The noydes will take over, your gray and white brain,

Thus they may drive you, completely insane.

The noydes will grow, and their poison discharge,

Of your mind and soul, they will take charge.

Your own feelings and senses, you'll have to forsake,

The noydes, your life, and happiness will take.

Their power is such, as to make you forget,

Who and what you are, on this you can bet.

All of a sudden you will be gone, and they will be you,

You will then utter "I'm a noyde," feeling angry or blue.

Now to avoid the noydes, you must empty the sense,

That you are there fighting, in ego's defense.

If your ego is found, neither high nor low,

The noydes will look, but will have nowhere to go.

So let that ego languish, instead of seduce,

It will then whither, and fade of disuse,

Those nasty noydes, ugly and savage,

Will have no one to abuse, no one to ravage.

#  11. Your Practice

## Preparing

The paragraphs that follow in this chapter are written in a sequence to help guide you through the process. If necessary, review the relevant paragraphs in Chapters 8 through 10 discussing meditation, mindfulness, and letting go to refresh your understanding of the techniques and principles as you begin to apply them here.

Start practicing the techniques discussed in each of the steps below, one at a time. You should only move to the next step after you've become comfortable with the techniques described in the current step. After you've gone through them all, you'll be able to assess their affects and apply those techniques that work best for you. Within this chapter, read and practice one step at a time. You can, however, read the following chapters or reread previous ones as you systematically practice the steps within this chapter.

Prepare your schedule, your day, your space, cushions, and timer. Try out the various postures previously described, and select a posture for your legs and hands. Remember to keep your back straight. As previously mentioned, start meditating when you have three days without stress or increased demands.

Be aware that at some point along your practice, you will start to experience things differently. You will then wonder if this is "it," some magical point you've been waiting for. No matter what the experience, don't judge, analyze, or expect it to reoccur. Simply keep your mind focused on the target of your practice.

## Step One

Meditation: Set your timer for 15 minutes. Start the meditation of body awareness (Link).

Follow the movement of your selected body part with your mind's eye, through every moment of every inhalation and exhalation, from one breath to the next. If this is difficult, use the labels "one" and "two" or "rising" and "falling," or slow down your breaths as previously discussed.

Although much has been written here about the importance of detachment, don't worry about trying to apply this right now. Just focus your mind on your chosen body part to strengthen your concentration. Meditate daily and, if possible, both morning and evening. Every few days or a week, increase the time by five to ten minutes, working up to a duration of 30 minutes twice a day. Remember, there is no goal. Just keep your attention on your target.

Mindfulness: For all the simple activities of the day, practice the mindfulness of action awareness (Link).

Be aware of the action in the moment. Be fully aware of the experience of the action rather than thinking about its completion or your self. If needed, use the verb for the action you are involved in to bring your attention to the action.

Letting go: As you mindfully engage the day, avoid those personal habits and cultural elements that are ego-reinforcing obstacles, and use letting go when needed (Link).

_Talk calmly without using a loud voice or drama. Don't engage in superfluous judgments, criticize_ , _or label the irrelevant events of the day. If you find yourself starting an inner monologue, go back to being mindful. Find the joy and humor in the moment, but of course, don't get carried away from the essence of each moment._

Continue this step for about several weeks, practicing meditation morning and night and mindfulness all day. Don't go further until you can focus your mind well enough to stay on your target during most of your meditation session, and you are comfortable with the mindfulness of action awareness.

## Step Two

Meditation: Start the meditation of breathing awareness (Link).

_Direct your awareness to the action of breathing. Rather than on a body part, all your attention is on the action of each inhalation and exhalation, moment by moment_. _If this is difficult, use the labels "one" and "two" or "rising" and "falling," or slow down your breaths as previously discussed._

If this is difficult at the start, remember that it's okay to anchor your attention with body awareness for the first few minutes of meditation, and then move your attention to the action of breathing. Follow the action of your breathing, moment to moment, breath after breath. Detachment may evolve over time, but for now, concentrate on breathing awareness without trying to apply detachment. Simply be aware of the action of breathing. Continue meditating for 30 minutes twice a day.

Mindfulness: Observe yourself with the mindfulness of detached self-awareness (Link).

_Objectively watch your self as you do the activities of the day, be they simple or complex. Just watch your self_.

Focus your efforts to impersonally watch your self just as a member of an audience would watch a character in a movie or play. Remember to be part of the moment. Laugh, cry, sing, dance, or be still as the moment dictates. Be vigilant so that you are being mindful from the moment you wake until going to bed. Once you're able to be mindful with detached self-awareness, adjust your mindfulness technique to suit the moment: action awareness for simple repetitive activities and detached self-awareness for others, or you can be mindful with detached self-awareness all day long.

Letting go: Continue to avoid the habits that form egocentric obstacles, as previously discussed, and avoid any traps created by you, others, or the circumstances of the day (Link).

Continue this step for about several weeks. Don't go further until you can easily meditate with breathing awareness and be mindful with detached self-awareness.

## Step Three

Meditation: Continue the meditation of breathing awareness, but now purposefully add detachment (Link) to your practice. Watch each moment of the action of breathing with the same indifference as if looking at a branch swaying in a breeze. Remember, it's okay to anchor your attention with body awareness for the first few minutes of meditation. When your mind is focused, move your attention to breathing awareness, first without detachment, and then transition to breathing awareness with detachment. Continue meditating for 30 minutes twice a day but, when you feel comfortable with the technique, increase the duration to 35 or 40 minutes twice a day.

Mindfulness: When driving or playing sports, practice the mindfulness of projected global awareness (Link).

_Project your attention into the environment ahead and around you, like a soldier entering a battle zone, all senses on alert. Notice, without mental comment, all the sights and sounds that surround you. All your attention is on whatever enters your awareness, without attending to your own thoughts or self-identity_.

Practice the mindfulness of action awareness for all the simple activities of the day. In other settings, continue to observe yourself with the mindfulness of detached self-awareness. Impersonally watch each moment as you live through the day. Be vigilant so that you are mindful from the moment you wake until going to bed.

Letting go: Keep diligent to discover any personal or cultural obstacles that may persist or traps that form so that you can let go as soon as you discover them.

Continue this step for about several weeks. Don't go further until you feel comfortable with the process of detachment applied to the meditation of breathing awareness and with the mindfulness of projected global awareness.

## Step Four

Meditation: Start the meditation of detached self-awareness while breathing (Link).

_Impersonally watch your self through each moment of each breath. When a thought appears, observe it with indifference as it ripples, like a wave on a pond, while still being aware of your self and your breathing. If a thought pulls your attention away, let go of it and return your full attention to your self and each moment of the action of your breaths_.

Keep meditating twice a day. Remember, it's okay to anchor your attention with body awareness or breathing awareness for the first few minutes of meditation, and then move your attention to detached self-awareness. Sit watching your self breathe with intensity and indifference, and let go of any passion that may have propelled your practice to this point. If it's difficult to keep your awareness impersonally on your self, it's all right to shift between breathing awareness and detached self-awareness as you learn the process of keeping your attention on your self in an impersonal, detached way.

Mix up your meditation sessions so that you continue breathing awareness intermittently with detached self-awareness, for example, one in the morning and the other at night. As mentioned previously, the first strengthens your concentration to still your mind and reduces your mind's tendency to think in terms of thingness; the second helps you let go of your sense of self.

Increase the duration of your meditation sessions to 35 or 40 minutes twice a day if you haven't already done so. On weekends or when time permits during the working week, have two sessions of meditation in the morning and one at night.

Mindfulness: In moments of stillness or when intellectual demands are low, such as during a walk, hike or while waiting in a queue, practice choiceless global awareness (Link).

Open your awareness to everything, whether in the mind or the environment. Observe any phenomena without personalizing them or being lured away from your state of global awareness.

Continue the mindfulness of action awareness when doing simple tasks. Practice the mindfulness of detached self-awareness when doing more complex activities, such as grocery shopping. And, in situations where activity is quickly changing, practice the mindfulness of projected global awareness.

Letting go: Continue as you have been doing to this point. Keep diligent for obstacles and traps.

Continue this step for about several weeks. Don't go further until you feel comfortable sitting in detached self-awareness and practicing the mindfulness of choiceless global awareness.

## Step Five

Meditation: Start the meditation of choiceless global awareness (Link) when you are free of significant intellectual demands for about three days.

Open your awareness to all that is going on in both the environment and within your mind. This means being aware of your breathing, your body sitting, any sounds in the environment, and the ebb and flow of any thoughts and feelings without attachment. Just watch with detachment. All the while, your awareness is not carried away by any thoughts or feelings that arise.

If your concentration is not strong enough to maintain targeted focus in the working world, intersperse these meditation sessions with breathing awareness or detached self-awareness so that you are not exclusively practicing the meditation of choiceless global awareness. However, once you are able to keep focused in the working world, practice this meditation often. Continue meditating 35 to 40 minutes twice a day. As in the previous steps, it's okay to begin a session by anchoring your attention with a simpler technique, such as body awareness or breathing awareness, for the first few minutes of meditation.

Mindfulness: Continue the same mindfulness techniques you've been doing so far. Just live each day mindfully, while shifting your technique to suit the situation.

Letting go: Continue to avoid the habits that form egocentric obstacles, as previously discussed, and avoid any traps created by you, others, or the circumstances of the day.

## Continuing the Practice

I suspect that, from a neurological perspective, individual egos are "built" differently depending on genetics and experience, just as individual bodies are different. Some egos may be dependent on a strong linkage to emotions and basic motivations. Others may be sustained primarily by a continuous stream of consciousness that creates a mental reality of its own. Still other egos may be dependent on a strong connection to the range of self-perceptions from insecurity to arrogance. Thus, some individuals may benefit from certain techniques more than others. Therefore, as you practice the various meditation and mindfulness techniques, you'll discover what supports your ego and find that some techniques are more effective in stilling your mind, focusing your attention, and helping you let go more than others. Continue practicing those techniques, or combination of techniques, that are most effective for you.

If your mind produces too many spontaneous or superfluous thoughts that interfere with your awareness, the meditation of action awareness will reduce them by strengthening your targeting of awareness (concentration). If unprovoked or unnecessary emotions intrude on your awareness, the meditation of detached self-awareness or choiceless global awareness will reduce their automaticity. If your sense of self intrudes on your awareness, the meditation of choiceless global awareness will help weaken the illusion of self.

At some point, your practice will become effortless. You will no longer have to strive to keep your focus on the meditation technique because it stays still on its own. When you get to this point, let go of the striving to let your awareness be one with your practice. By this time, you will understand what the phrase "being one with..." means.

Continue the various mindfulness techniques from morning until night. It requires diligence to purposely select the mindful frame of mind when the environment pulls you toward the egocentric mindset.

Compassion will grow as your practice does, but if you feel your compassion is lacking for someone special or negative feelings develop for others, practice the meditation and mindfulness of lovingkindness, as previously discussed.

The subjects in Sekiyama's experiment developed their alternate perceptions after 25 days. In Holzel's study, brain scans showed increased thickness in certain areas after subjects practiced for eight weeks. There is a temptation for everyone to look at the practices described here as a vehicle to reach a certain mind state in a certain space of time. However, to consider the vehicle or destination as separate from the journey would be a grave mistake that will hamper your practice. Remember, dancing is nothing more than doing the dance, so focus on the doing rather than the attaining.

Just as the ability to dance, paint, read, and write can always be increased, so too can egoless objective awareness be deepened. There are many degrees of this awareness, and continued practice will deepen your understanding and your awareness. Because the structure of our minds, our world, and our culture remain the same, the penchant for reemergence of ego is always there, that is, until a person realizes full awakening. Thus, practice meditation, mindfulness, and letting go consistently to prevent the ego's return.

When you have reached a point of mental discipline and focus, and your awareness floats in stillness, your self-identity may still live on. Let go of that identity to be one with the stillness. There is only the practice, the target of your attention. If you experience a sudden fear of dying during meditation, accept the fear and mentally accept the experience. This is no ordinary dying. It is the death of the sense of "I," the self, the ego. That fear is the ego's appropriation of an emotion designated for your physical self and is the last hold of ego on your awareness. Let go of the fear and the self. Mentally step toward that "death" and accept the reality of life without ego.

#  12. A Final Perspective

## Your Life

In a culture saturated with egocentricity like ours, the exercises and habits I have described here, essentially a lifestyle, require deliberate effort. As with any alternative lifestyle, it's less difficult if shared with a partner, easier still if shared with a family or group, and more likely routine if it is part of the environment, creating a healthier and more harmonious culture of its own. Thus, I urge serious practitioners to try connecting with others and supporting each other's practices to create an ever-growing culture of egoless objective awareness. Investigate your school or community to see if there are other practitioners/meditators with whom you can sit. No matter how motivated a person can be to sit alone, sitting with a group invigorates your practice.

As a young adult, life often seems to be about preparing for the future, such as learning a job skill or preparing for an exam. Even though current activities may be strongly linked to a future event, keep your focus on the present and avoid mental monologues about future hopes, expectations, requirements, or responsibilities. Or, young adult life may revolve around satisfying the desire for fun. When interacting with others, recognize their specialness, rather than looking at them as a means to gratify your own personal needs. Enjoy whatever recreation you're involved in, but do so mindfully detached to prevent reinforcing your ego. Furthermore, refrain from activities that overstimulate your brain into distraction to avoid hampering your efforts to keep your mind focused.

At work, focus on the job without getting caught up in any stressors, changing what you can and accepting what you cannot. Hopefully, conditions are such that employment does not create undue stress or disharmony. Employment is a means to provide for yourself and family. Unfortunately, employment is too often a vehicle to enrich us or someone else far beyond life's needs, creating unnecessary stress and ego enhancement, robbing us of the opportunity to appreciate each moment and depriving us from being in harmony with it. If such is the case, let go of the desire for luxury or the habit of acquisition. Be content with having what is needed while putting your extra resources into enriching relationships and experiences.

Family can have multiple sources of potential stress that may reinforce the ego. When the number of responsibilities grows beyond your perceived time and energy to accomplish everything, prioritize them. Focus on the current moment, and let go of any expectations. When a child's attitude or actions push you toward a boiling point, detach from your impending anger and model the calm self-control you want your child to learn. When you need to spend time with your child while other responsibilities await your attention, focus on the moment with your child. Accept this as "your time," and let go of thoughts related to "later," which you've earmarked for paying bills, doing laundry, washing dishes, relaxing, and so forth. Be fully focused on each moment, no matter what that moment involves.

Use the various activities of the day to apply the various types of mindfulness. When your child is old enough, about three to five years of age, introduce him or her to the meditation of body awareness or breathing awareness, keeping the duration only as long as your child can quietly sit. Then, as the child's maturity grows, gradually introduce him or her to the other techniques of meditation and mindfulness previously presented. When the child can join you in meditation, sitting together as a family will deepen everyone's practice.

Realize that the sessions of meditation and the all-day mindfulness you practice are the very manifestations of egoless objective awareness. There are no goals other than living in this awareness. Consistent use of a second language brings you closer to the moment when the second language becomes fluent and replaces your first. Similarly, practicing meditation and mindfulness regularly brings you closer to the moment when your perceptions shift and your ego drops away. When egoless objective awareness is achieved, the practice of awareness becomes living in awareness. You will then realize how different the world is compared to your previous illusory perceptions. This, however, is not the end of the process but rather the beginning. Egolessness opens the door to the realization that there is much more to reality, but for now, the job is to reach for the door, then open and walk through it.

Personal ability, experience, commitment, and effort influence how far one progresses in the process of egoless objective awareness. Not everyone can paint like Rembrandt or play like Segovia, but one doesn't have to be a master to paint a canvas or play a guitar. Similarly, one doesn't have to be enlightened to live a more enlightened life.

## The Practice

Egoless awareness is not a philosophy, a system of thought, or approach to life's challenges. It does not belong in the realm of conventional psychology, whose goals are to temper the negative aspects of ego in favor of its positive ones or to harmonize the ego's individual parts. Egoless awareness is not a religion in which tenets are accepted on faith or in which current life is perceived or judged in relationship to an afterlife or supreme being.

The material I have presented here is nothing more than a process to learn a new skill, similar to a new dance or a new language. Just as muscles remodel themselves in response to exercise, the brain can remodel itself to facilitate a new way of experiencing reality. There is no faith to trust, information to learn, or facts to remember. There is only the habitual act of being focused and detached with daily meditation, mindfulness in every moment of the day, and letting go when needed. Living with constant awareness of the moment, instead of the self, gradually remodels the brain: strengthening inherent skills and erasing certain acquired habits. The consequence is an unveiling of one's original egoless self, objective awareness - a direct experience of reality without the intrusion of ego.

A stereogram requires the viewer to shift focus to be aware of the image obscured by the obvious chaos in the picture. Similarly, a person must shift his or her attention to be aware of the elements of reality otherwise obscured by egocentric perceptions and priorities. With continued practice, this shift is transformed from a deliberate effort to an automatic routine.

Awareness is the sensing of environment and self without superimposing extraneous thoughts, emotions, and egocentric imperatives. This awareness is the fundamental state of being alive, but it is dependent on the brain's development and the mind's maturity. We are all biological beings. Our hearts pump blood to supply each of our cells with oxygen and energy molecules. Our tissues use these elements to form and move impulses, which help us think, feel, and perceive the world. The complex interplay between genetically defined biological characteristics, childhood lessons, and life experiences influence how we think and how we perceive.

It's fair to ask that, if objective awareness is a progression of the natural capacity of the human mind, why is it necessary to take time out of the day to meditate rather than living the day? The answer lies in the mind's tendency to create random stimuli with little or no provocation, the egocentric character of current human culture, and lifelong habits of pandering to the ego. Thus, just as we need to exercise to keep our bodies strong and healthy, so too must we meditate to keep our concentration strong and the mind focused to transcend the ego-reinforcing messages bombarding us.

Similarly, mindfulness and letting go need to accompany meditation. The currents of mental habits and cultural conditioning continuously pull us toward the egocentric mindset. To limit our practice to meditation alone would be like trying to canoe upstream by paddling only intermittently.

Chapter 3 discussed the physical and functional changes related to meditation and mindfulness. It can be inferred that these changes facilitate objective awareness or egolessness through increased brain matter or facilitated transmission that give the mind certain characteristics:

  * Increased strength of concentration

  * Reduced spontaneous thoughts

  * Reduced self-referencing thoughts

  * Improved emotional regulation

  * Reduced attention to self-identity

  * Greater attention to objective reality

  * A shift of perception from an object orientation toward an action orientation

  * A loosening of the perception of a distinct self

While all these changes don't in themselves confer higher intelligence or wisdom, they do encourage less ideological and irrational thinking. Furthermore, they favor thoughtfulness and compassion, more attention to the environment, less attention to self-interest, a more harmonious sense of being, and eventually, a dropping away of the sense of self.

The perception of egolessness has often been referred to as a spiritual experience, but in reality, nothing extracorporeal, metaphysical, or spiritual has been achieved. If you remove all the layers of dust on a table, it's still a table. Removing the walls from your house makes experiencing the environment outside a more intimate experience, but it's still the same environment. And, you are still you.

Studies with psilocybin, a compound produced by certain groups of mushrooms, have shown a link with out-of-body experiences and the feeling of "oneness" to the activation of certain receptors within the brain. This suggests a neurological process for what is considered by many a mystical or spiritual experience. This is not to negate the feeling of "universal oneness" that some meditators experience, but to despiritualize it. In any case, the experience of "oneness" is not the goal but simply a consequence of egoless attention to the moment, objective awareness.

#  Part III \- A Personal Story

# 13. The Author

One boring day toward the end of high school, I scanned the shelves for a book to read and found one my father brought home, Three Pillars of Zen, by Philip Kapleau. I inferred from the book that enlightenment was a handy thing to get, so I started meditating. I experienced its calming influences, and in a stressed life, that calm became my goal. I sat haphazardly at first and then more frequently, but only to feel meditation's therapeutic effects.

About six years later, I discovered a meditation group and started sitting with them. This group was associated with the author of Three Pillars of Zen, and it had the stereotypical Japanese discipline about it: gongs, bells, chanting, and a hitting stick. Although this seemed a little extreme for an American, the discipline emphasized the effort needed to "wake up." Sitting with a Zen group reinforced my goal of reaching enlightenment, while I simultaneously used meditation as therapy for life's stresses. The philosophy combined with rituals caused me to consider Buddhism my religion.

Buddhism talks about enlightenment, and for most Western practitioners, that's the goal. Being a goal-oriented Westerner, especially an American schooled in the sciences with a problem-solving mindset, was a handicap. This meant defining a problem, finding a solution, and then taking the necessary steps to reach that solution. Therefore, I practiced the way I worked, which meant that I made little progress in escaping the influence of my ego.

Being first a college student, then a postgraduate student, and then someone caught up in the race to succeed in a new profession and start a family, meditation became an infrequent and erratic occurrence. Life was demanding and time was fragmented, making meditation a lower priority. When I did meditate, it was with the same goal orientation that I applied to my professional life. Furthermore, I didn't practice the mindfulness needed to extend any mindset developed from meditation into the day. For the next decades I would sit, stop, and then restart meditation for weeks at a time.

Decades would pass until professional responsibilities became less onerous and children left the nest, allowing me to reconsider and reassign my priorities, reexamine the process, and adjust my focus when sitting. I no longer had a goal to chase or something to accomplish, and with a less demanding life, there was more time to sit. Sitting longer and more consistently, 40 to 90 minutes every day while giving up my goal orientation, allowed me to develop new insights and understanding. Also, thanks to contacts with a growing community of meditators, I learned even more and incorporated those lessons into my practice and this book.

As I began to observe the various psychological changes resulting from different meditation and mindfulness techniques, I came to the understanding that this was nothing more than the psychological process of acquiring a skill, a new way of seeing. I realized there was no more spirituality in acquiring this new skill than there is in learning a new language, so I stopped looking at the process or experience in terms of religion or spirituality, and I let go of any religious identification.

The first thing I noticed after I started my new era of meditation was silence. Previously, I would often have an internal monologue of evaluations (better or worse, right or wrong) for decisions at work or while shopping, criticisms about life's frustrations whether large or small, and more. As I practiced, these internal monologues stopped, and as they did, the environment seemed quieter, while any sounds I heard seemed crisper and more vibrant. Furthermore, as the monologues waned, so did any frustrations and annoyances they represented and reinforced.

As my meditation deepened, my thinking became clearer. I began to experience a smoother flow to the process of problem solving, without the previous doubts or the need to congratulate myself. Previously, I would second-guess the decisions I made, wondering which was better, more cost effective, or more efficient. Or, I would congratulate myself for a job well done or criticize myself for having performed below my expectations.

I no longer have a need to defend, nourish, or gratify a self-image. Concepts such as self-esteem, ego satisfaction, pride, envy, spite, vindictiveness, and resentment seem hollow.

Furthermore, I feel more connected to the people around me. I am more at ease expressing myself and being warmer to any person I encounter, friend or stranger. I am more aware of the specialness of each person and express compassion more easily.

Previously, I would use an internal voice to organize what I was to do or when solving problems, but this internal voice is much reduced. Thought and act often coincide without an intervening speaker.

Additionally, I can perceive time differently. Rather than a past, present, or future, I can perceive time as a series of nows that flow continuously from one to the next. These written words may suggest little distinction, but there is a significant difference in the experience. Previously, time seemed to flow like a river with a downstream past laden with memories and an upstream future holding plans and expectations. Perceiving the series of nows means all my attention is on a more vibrant present.

The longer I sit, the less evident is my sense of self, fading into the background of the moment. If I direct my attention to my self, I am less attached, which can best be described as a third-person perspective watching my thoughts and actions. This isn't an automatic experience but one available for me to choose, like the selection of handedness by the subjects in Sekiyama's 2000 experiment described in Chapter 4. I choose it, of course, though my initial attempts to do so were more difficult, like the first look at the stereogram at the beginning of this book. At the start, this perception was more apt to drift, or be overwhelmed by an emotional experience or egocentric environment. With time and practice, though, it's easier to maintain detached objective awareness, and it's more resistant to distraction. However, there still are certain situations that can reanimate my ego, which compel me to make an extra effort to maintain or reclaim my detached awareness after any sudden departure.

Under most circumstances, I can switch back to egoless awareness as soon as I've recognized that I've deviated from it. At the start, the perception I woke up with was the egocentric one, but this too has changed with continued practice so that upon awakening, I'm already in the state of egoless awareness.

Once my skill in the various meditation techniques grew to the point that I could practice each faithfully, I found that breathing awareness and detached awareness are the most helpful in stilling my mind and detaching from my ego. Thus, they are my primary meditative techniques and I practice them at alternating meditative sessions. I do practice the meditation of choiceless global awareness but only occasionally. I sit for 30 to 40 minutes in the morning, twice if time allows, and then once at night.

My mindfulness practice encompasses all the techniques described, depending on the circumstances. When the action is simple and non-repetitive, as in preparing for the workday or going on a hike, I'm mindful with detached awareness. When I'm engaged in a repetitive action, such as weeding, raking, or washing dishes, I apply action awareness. When driving, I'm mindful with projected global awareness. When I'm more animated as when shopping, or when I'm staying still as in a queue, I apply the mindfulness of detached awareness or choiceless global awareness.

I've read that once an individual has been fully awakened or enlightened, the process is irreversible. I'm certainly not there. Life's occasional demands still pull my attention toward the egocentric or interrupt my meditation schedule. After two or three days of not meditating, my ability to maintain or select egoless awareness starts to weaken, while the egocentric alternative becomes stronger, like the falling and rising of the two sides of a balance scale. As the non-meditating days continue, it becomes more difficult to shift into the egoless option, while the egocentric perspective begins to strengthen its grip on my awareness. This occurs despite continued day-to-day mindfulness. However, after meditating consistently for a week or two, I'm able to return to the state of egoless awareness once again. I suspect that if I keep meditating without the interruptions that facilitate my egocentric circuitry, I too will experience the irreversibility of full awakening. Until then, I continue my regular and, hopefully, consistent practice of meditation, mindfulness, and letting go.

To be continued.
The Struggle

One day a seed did sprout,

About who it is that's sees,

Who's that person all about,

With the squeak in his knees.

I watched the birth of a thought,

And how it did transform.

I watched, not at all distraught,

How the sense of "me" did form.

At first a fiber in the weave,

In the fabric of this "me,"

Gradually then I did perceive,

How the two began to cleave.

Just by watching I did affect,

The changes that occurred.

Time seemed to disconnect,

Slowing from a tangled blur.

When a thought I did speak,

Was not my voice that I heard.

Though flowing from my beak,

It wasn't "me" that said a word.

When I moved any limb,

Muscles moved clairvoyantly.

Through the air I did swim,

A body floating buoyantly.

Subtle did the wisdom grow,

This "me" was just a dream.

_"I"_ was just a puppet show,

A kettle filled with steam.

Beneath the boiling, there it was,

All the while to be seen,

A quiet fire and the cause,

For life's effects and mind serene.

Each moment held a joy,

As clear as a mountain spring.

No passions born to annoy,

Each day gliding on the wing.

But there's a force running deep,

Away from this awakened stream.

It's a world all asleep,

Living through an ego's dream.

It's a tide that drags to "stuff,"

Where loves and hates coexist,

Where more is never enough,

And "you's" and "me's" persist.

It drags the mind, this gripping tide,

From open eyes and seeing clear,

To gods and demons all contrived,

To explain the suffering and the fear.

Each day is a constant struggle,

To swim against the tide,

Perceptions of life to juggle,

Like a Jekyll and a Hyde.

Daily work to be done,

Constant effort to apply,

To lose the "me" and one become,

With the apple and the pie.
Delusions

Delusion,

Misconstrusion,

Source of much pain.

Thoughts of joy, sorrow,

Thinking about tomorrow,

Drive you insane.

Yester days,

T'morrow's maze,

Never were or be.

Today's now,

Rose or sow,

Are all to see.

Obsessed emotions,

Counterfeit notions,

See through the lies.

Living truly,

Life's beauty,

How blue the skies.

Hard work,

Ego shirk,

Worth the struggle.

Concentrate,

Don't debate,

Escape the bubble.

Look and see,

Without the me,

Aware each moment of the day.

Focus and live,

Attention give,

No worthless thoughts obey.

Let go I,

No me or my,

How easily to float.

No more me,

Now i see,

Life's a cantaloupe.

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Clue to the image within the stereogram: tunhguod.
