- Are you finished?
- Well, thank you, how thoughtful.
Would you like a chocolate?
- Oh, yeah, sure.
(laughter erupts)
Thanks.
Oh, sorry Sheldon, I
almost sat in your spot.
- Did you?
I didn't notice.
Have a chocolate.
(laughter erupts)
- Thank you.
(laughs)
- You're here a lot now.
(laughter erupts)
- Oh am I talking too much?
I'm sorry, zip.
- Thank you.
Chocolate?
- Yes, please.
(laughter erupts)
(phone music)
Oh, hey Kim,
yeah, you know what, hold on,
let me take this in the hall.
(laughter erupts)
You'll never guess who
they got to replace.
- Okay, I know what you're doing.
- Really?
- Yes, you're using chocolates
as positive reinforcement
for what you consider correct behavior.
(laughter erupts)
- Very good.
Chocolate?
- No, I won't.
Sheldon you can't train my
girlfriend like a lab rat.
- Actually, it turns out I can.
(laughter erupts)
- Well, you shouldn't.
- There's just no pleasing
you is there, Leonard?
You weren't happy with
my previous approach
to dealing with her, so I decided
to employ operant-conditioning techniques,
building on the works of
Thorndike and B. F. Skinner.
By this time next week, I
believe I can have her jumping
out of a pool, balancing
a beach ball on her nose.
(laughter erupts)
- No, this has to stop now.
- I'm not suggesting we really
make her jump out of a pool.
(laughter erupts)
I thought the bazinga was implied.
I'm just tweaking her personality,
sanding off the rough edges, if you will.
- No, you're not sanding Penny.
- Are you saying that I am forbidden
from applying a harmless,
scientifically-valid protocol
that will make our lives better?
- Yes, you're forbidden.
- Bad Leonard.
(laughter erupts)
You know, using positive
reinforcement techniques,
I could train that behavior
out of her in a week.
- No.
- If you let me use
negative reinforcement,
I can get it done before we go to bed.
(laughter erupts)
- You're not squirting her
in the face with water.
- No, of course not.
We're talking very mild electric shocks,
(laughter erupts)
no tissue damage whatsoever.
- Forget it.
- Oh come on.
You can't tell me that
you're not intrigued
about the possibility of
building a better girlfriend.
- I am not.
Penny's qualities, both good and bad,
are what make her who she is.
(Penny laughs shrilly)
(laughter erupts)
- You mean like that
high-pitched, irritating laugh?
- Yes.
- You wouldn't prefer a throaty chuckle?
- You're not changing how Penny laughs.
- No, that would be incongruous.
No, i was going to lower the whole voice
to a more pleasing register.
(laughter erupts)
- Oh, sorry guys, that girl is freaky.
- Come again?
- Freaky.
- Freaky?
- Yeah, freaky.
(laughter erupts)
- Have a chocolate.
- Thank you.
(laughter erupts)
- Oh, I'm going to make some
warm milk and then turn in.
I trust if you two are
planning on engaging
in amorous activities,
you'll keep the decibel level
to a minimum.
- Of course.
- Thank you.
(laughter erupts)
- These are so good.
- Unbelievable.
