

Bridging the Gap

Friends are Family

Book II

Channeled by Kimberly M. Quezada

Copyright © 2019 by Kimberly M. Quezada

License Notes

This eBook is licensed for your personal enjoyment only. All rights reserved. This eBook or any portion thereof may not be reproduced or used in any manner whatsoever without the express written permission of the publisher except for the use of brief quotations in a book review.

Printed in Canada

First printing, 2019

ISBN 978177536164

Kimberly M. Quezada

Edmonton, Alberta

Canada

"Friends or family?" They asked.

"Friends are family." I replied.

  * Abinaya

Introduction - Anthony Bourdain

There is a profundity to life that I completely missed. I looked for it. That was my existence...to look for some profound experience that would let me tag it and proclaim over it like some self-righteous mastermind laughing insanities like It's mine! It's all mine!!!! I wanted ownership over the secret of life. I lived so many encounters and travels but even when I'd been to a country five, six, seven times, I continued to pass through as if faceless and strange. I still didn't recognize familiar terrains when what should have been a friend continued to be strange and lonely. I was still its nameless lover just looking for a good time and then walking away like nothing significant happened when...everything did. I was transient. I was a walking boarding call where I was pushing the limits of time by checking out late just on the off chance that those few last minutes would show me the meaning to everything that I was blindly passing by. I missed out on profundity because of the gaping black hole that was me; never satiated by anything and drunk on everything that only knew me by a first name. I was a pleasure seeker as a man with a chipped heart and a rollercoaster for a brain. I fuckin' hate rollercoasters. Once you've been on one, you've experienced everything about them. Just give me a hotdog off a grill and I'll save the cotton candy for another time.

The search for something that was elusive was the heroine to my vein. Even though I was busy and had many experiences; writing and sharing what I could, life eluded me. It hid away under rocks and boulders of centuries old plazas as I beelined for the next bar stool in the search for the drink that would satisfy my desire for joy. The elusive was the profundity that I ignored. Life is not to be ignored and I find myself returning again and again to find what I was looking for and, like a man looking for his sunglasses, I felt foolish finding them always resting on my face. The shade that covered my eyes was the normal for me when, if I had just taken them off and dared to squint at the light that surrounded me everywhere, my search would have been over and I would have been found.

I've learned, through my death, that life is what you bring to it and people hear that all the time. You hear it from the saints and sages, the shamans and the priest. What, then, was I bringing to my life if I was always searching for what I felt was missing? I was looking for the net that would snatch me back into an existence that I was living at Mach speed where everything that was real and meaningful was a blur. I sped through the entirety of my life when, if I had just slowed down, I would have recognized the reflection of myself in every place that I visited and in every person I met over and over again. The blur, however, only returned me to find something that I still wouldn't see. A person can have all the fame and all the glory and all the meat on a stick that they want but if you can't recognize the person eating that or receiving that, you'll be a stranger to yourself, believing life is only meant to be searched for; never brought to you as a request from the food cart of heaven.

I didn't believe in some sort of God and if I felt I should, I challenged Him to the death, demanding proof that every day held something that I would know to be sacred and adored. I dared this God, silently, for years...daring Him to prove me wrong; that nothing He stood for was real, that it was all hocus pocus and we were only walking androids that followed some sort of loose-leaf binder that held fairytales and fables under the title of Bible. I dared Him to find me as I ran from here to there in a mad dash for some finish line that I begged would save me from this constant search of meaning. And this God, being the almighty question mark that rarely lived up to my standards; that I dared to prove Himself every single worthless day, handed me a small package wrapped in pink and said better late than never. And for a moment, as I looked into eyes that were mine and lips that were her mother's...I was found. I had found what hid from me in any country or with every person I encountered. I held love...beautiful love...innocent love in my arms for the first time that I could ever recall and for a snatch of time, I was found. I would never admit it but God had won. He beat me at my own game. He gave me life that refilled my soul and this life called me dad.

I was an addict and like any addict, we have trouble defining who we are because we are a slave to what we aren't or what we're trying to fill. The addiction continues to whisper there's more and for a time, my daughter was my partner and I could visit my past, hand in hand, with my future. But where she found profundity, I was re-acquainted with my black hole. And so, the search continued and the grasp was further from my reach but what saved me, for a time, had a face with my eyes and her mother's lips. I shared what I could and hid what I couldn't and the shades over my eyes grew darker and darker and my dares to God grew quiet because He could no longer meet me in some sort of middle where I would refuse to meet Him. God was elusive. God was the profundity of life and this idea of a God is what I couldn't find because I was blind to what that meant, personally, for me.

God. The idea of God is either loved or hated, worshipped or ignored. God wears a different face and a different name for the entire human population so how is it even reasonable for a man or a woman to believe in such a paint palette that is an impressionist's impersonation of God. I missed it. Just like the sunglasses on my face...I missed it. I was looking for a God as I boarded a plane to a destination that was always foreign, in a market that fed tourists just to make a buck, in a bar that served the wrinkled men that came in from the boats with little to show for the patience of a good catch. I looked for God in kitchens that heated to temperatures more suited for hell; where the flames from something flambéed or grilled would light the passion, you wish you had. I looked for God as I walked through jungles so humid, they would steal your breath like a lover's kiss and my search continued in the comfort of a busy metropolis where the inundation of the crowds felt like a family reunion and every aunt needed to pinch your cheeks as if you were a two-year-old incarnate. I looked for an idea of God; not the God and not the God that the sinner in me forbid to show His face.

I chose the ultimate destination through the mirage of an existence I assumed I missed and through that...and only that, was I made aware that everything that eluded me was really of my own creation and will; what was true was what I refused to see. There was nothing to find because it was always already there. You know what a human black hole is? It's a hidden doorway, like the wardrobe of Narnia where you're able to see anything different but you long to get back to what's real and true. I stepped through a wardrobe to only find what was always there and through my dark is where I had to find my light. I just never realized that it didn't take a trip through dimensional doorways to actually do that.

How are we ever supposed to know, as people just coming and going, that it's never about the black hole. It was always about the sun. My life, as Anthony, was a black hole sun.

I met a man and he chose to go before I did. His name was Cornell. When I found out he had died, I honestly understood why but I never said. It was just a secret understanding in a nonchalant sort of shrug. I simply felt he was being eluded just as much as I was. And just as I met him in life, I had a chance meeting in death and just like all chance meetings, they ultimately lead to something or someone that you recognize and want to be a part of because at least, then, you were seen for everything that you were always trying to find.

Chris introduced me to something very...impractical in many people's ideas of what "should" be. Many people are interested in the stain that was my death but one, in particular, was only interested in what still was. For some, I was the latest headline in the daily gossip column of why would he. But for one, I was invited as a biography that would only continue to be written and that, to me, was what I couldn't find. As I lived, I, too, only wished for the headline when really it was always supposed to be the biography that continued to write itself as a constant semicolon tattoo and not the eulogy with just a simple period to mark the grave.

Anthony

Conversations with Spirit Guide Grayson – Sacred Union

There are so many terms that we use as labels and if any of you know me...I don't resonate with a lot of the definitions that have been put out there about relationships or love with spirit like...Soulmate or Twin Flame or even Sacred Union. For me, because in the background I have been experiencing this type of thing without shouting it from the rooftops...it can't be defined or it's just so much bigger or more profound than what we could ever comprehend. Yet we still try to box these terms up so we can feel or experience what another person does...in the same way. These relationships cannot be compared to what another human is experiencing and yet we still do. This conversation is about romantic love whether a person is dating, married or life partner. Love exists and we are deserving of it. But romantic love...we tend to feel entitled to it...even with Spirit but it's not an entitlement. On both ends of it...with Spirit (if you're into that sort of thing) and with humans...the romantic love is something that is a two-way street and has to be nurtured. If we feel we're entitled to romantic love or that it should be served to us in some way or fashion, we're missing the point. I think because romantic love needs to be nurtured instead of served, we can lose that vision or that focus when we get into the hard times. We can either begin to feel like we're a victim of what we're not getting while not putting the effort in ourselves, or we can feel stuck and afraid to move on when we know it's the next phase. Sacred Union, so I'm still learning, is to support us in romantic love with our existing human partners and it's about making a choice instead of having this idea that partners need to be strung along. This is a support system. This is allowing us to feel that unconditional love that...while we feel that from spirit, its purpose is to take what we get from spirit and use that in our human lives instead of using it as a means to escape what we may feel we are trapped or stuck in or don't feel we want to nurture anymore and surprise surprise...it begins with us. Lack of anything is really something we need to look at within ourselves and Sacred Union nourishes us to that point where we can show that unconditional love to ourselves to allow us to see what we're not doing or maybe what we're doing so much that the giving and receiving is a little unbalanced. I'm still trying to understand Sacred Union. They are "past life" loves that come in now because the energy of earth allows it now. These past life loves weren't...they weren't able to live and breathe; done in either secrecy or being shamed or not being able to be indulged in at all. Grayson is the part of the team that is here to introduce people to these relationships and be a teacher in these things because he's part of one now. Not everyone will resonate with it. That's okay. It's just another facet of Heaven that is beginning to be anchored on earth but it's not for all human beings. Here is my conversation with Grayson about Sacred Unions...

K: Honest to God, Grayson, I didn't really know you wanted to channel anything. I never got that vibe from you.

G: To be honest with you, I didn't really think that I wanted to. I guess I just felt that it needed to be the right time...which it did but when I made that decision than that's when I asked.

K: You don't really have to ask though.

G: I know. It's only polite.

K: And that's you. You are very polite and courteous. I appreciate that but at the same time, when you come in it's very literal almost. You can't miss it.

G: Thank you. But that's communication, right. It's has to be straight and true and to the point or else people can get frustrated and guess.

K: Guess is good. That's fair. I think people tend to...if they don't know what's being said by anyone or they don't understand, instead of asking for clarification, they create the stories.

G: Yes and I think...from watching...people are past the stories they tell themselves.

K: I agree. What's the difference between the stories and the truth?

G: The stories sort of just circle and create bigger and bigger stories with the mind or the brain and the truth is the belly...that gut and the heart. I never, in my life, was one to over analyze or overthink. I relied a lot on my intuition. But as a man, I didn't know the term intuition. I just knew what I knew and if someone knows what they know there's no question or making up tales to convince otherwise. I guess I just lived with some integrity and if a person lives with some integrity...stories don't have to be told because there's not much of a story to tell.

K: I agree. Yes. But sometimes stories are fun.

G: Sometimes stories are fun but the moral of it...as much as people would like to ignore it...it changes people...for the better. I guess I liked to live my life as a moral instead of a scene that when you turned the page it disappeared.

K: You were very respected in your community. Do you think that was why? That you lived your life in such a way that you were the moral?

G: (smirks) I don't know. I never really took my stature or my presence in the community too seriously. But I had a lot of respect.

K: Well, let's give people a background. You're Grayson. You were introduced to me through Paul and Sara...

G: Yes.

K: Who were you when you lived and...it was pretty recent that you died.

G: It was. Well, the small story is that I was a rancher. I had cattle and a few horses. I lived a simple life. I have few words for the life I lived because I didn't consider it to be very glamorous. I just felt I was a man that had a job to do and that was farming some land and raising some animals and a healthy calf in the spring was something to celebrate. I never had these things called computers. Hell, I didn't even own a phone until I was in my 70's and I didn't like it.

K: You didn't like a phone?

He's such an old man.

G: No. It was too...complicated. By that time, I was used to face to face. I had no use for a phone to chit chat. I'd rather talk over a fence and be done but Emmie thought I should have a phone so I got a phone.

K: The way you say that, I can hear the resignation in your voice.

G: As much as the phone was progressive...it also took away that face to face talking that built relationships. I find that people started to...they could only say their truth over the phone because face to face was too...hard. It was easier to say what was on your mind if someone couldn't see you. It's turned out to be the same with these computers that everyone likes. They have a lot to say in these chat boxes or they have a lot to say in these emails but if they were to come together...there wouldn't be any words because you can see, face to face, how words effect especially when words could be a little harshly spoken. So no, with the phone...there was better connection. The world got a little smaller but there was less of a personal connection.

K: That's very interesting that you would see it that way. I text a lot. I find it quick and I'm in constant communication with those who I need to be.

G: Yes, it makes it easier.

K: But you're right. If I'm with someone in person, I really have to try my best to keep that honest communication going. I don't find that a problem. I tend to ramble when I'm talking with someone face to face.

G: (laughs) Nah. You don't ramble. You just have a lot of...people speaking in your ear to share messages and you need to get it out before the hourglass runs out.

K: This is true. It can be overwhelming though. To some.

G: (strokes his chin) I see it differently.

K: Really?

G: People hang on every word waiting for what's going to come out next because it's usually messages. (personal messages)

K: Yes. I am a go to for that.

G: You are. It's a blessing.

K: Thank you.

G: I was a rancher.

K: Were you married?

G: I was not married.

K: But you had kids.

G: I did. I adopted my children through some rather difficult circumstances. They weren't mine. They were actually my niece and nephews. They lost their parents when they were very small.

K: How small?

G: Oh, let's see. Emmie was...well now...she was about four. Justice was ten. Thomas was eight.

K: How did they lose their parents?

G: Their mother was killed in a house fire and their father was jailed for it.

K: Ah. Domestic abuse?

G: Yes.

K: But you're back.

G: I am back.

K: And that's something that I know you want to discuss.

G: There's this family of Spirits...I don't like that word. I prefer people. I know them as people. We get together looking very much like people so there's a family of people that has been created and we all have specific areas that we feel drawn to, to be helpful in. I have been called in to be...I have been introduced to a woman that I never got the chance to be with and this is happening more and more with everyone. I celebrate that. I'm here to help people understand or introduce these relationships that have been termed Sacred Unions. People are curious about it and it's happening more and more...these relationships that couldn't happen when alive but because we've moved into a certain space or energy...are possible now...I've been experiencing this so I'd like to help others experience it as well.

He sounds very fulfilled.

K: I never knew these relationships existed. Learning about spirituality, the terms that have been thrown around have been Soulmates and Twin Flames but I have never heard about these Sacred Unions. I'm not in one. I don't believe I have one...

G: No.

K: I don't feel they are for everyone. I don't want one.

G: No.

K: I feel that these are difficult because they can be intense and things from those previous lived (as we see it) lives are being brought to the surface to heal because I don't feel these relationships can be participated in without that healing or that forgiveness that should have happened when these men and women or men and men women and women...whatever they couldn't be when alive because...well, explain.

G: (smiles) I was in love with a married woman.

K: Was she in love with you?

G: I believe she was.

K: And was this the woman that died in the fire?

G: It was.

K: Do all sacred union relationships...are there tragic events that keep these people separate...it's almost like...if I was to put it in levels there's Soulmates then Sacred Union then Twin Flame.

G: (Following my words while looking up at levels and nods.) Pretty close.

K: It's frustrating.

G: (chuckles) Yes. It's very frustrating.

K: Is it only an earth thing.

G: No.

K: Cool. But earth is ready to explore these.

G: Yes.

K: And is one half spirit and one half human?

G: More than not, yes.

K: Because...?

G: To support the relationships that are...maybe they aren't 100% or they're faltering...usually couples, marriages things like this...committed relationships that could end...we're there to support the emotions and the hearts of those who are in these types of things and help them make the best choice for all involved with less hurt or maybe with more love.

K: But at the same time...the need to be with the spirit partner can be very strong and can sometimes take people away from their human relationships. Maybe create an addiction?

G: If it feels like we're taking them away from their human relationships...marriages or romantic partnerships, then it's usually because the human is not willing to look at what needs to be fixed. It goes back to the stories we tell ourselves...the stories that make ourselves feel better instead of facing things that hurt or are uncomfortable. Yes, sometimes a relationship is over. But sometimes a relationship is meant to be repaired and we come in as an example of what could be in the human relationships. Trouble in human relationships is a disconnect from the hearts of those involved because of behaviours or changes...physically in a person and the other person can't resonate with the surface or the behaviours and they forget about the love that hasn't been nourished...maybe for years and it has been forgotten and so part of why we come in is to remind a human what that unconditional love can feel like and that it's possible to feel that again with...the wife or husband or girlfriend/boyfriend.

K: So it's not necessarily to take them away from what they're living but to support either a new beginning, a healing or an ending but in mature and caring ways.

G: Yes.

K: You're showing me a teacher/student sort of aspect to it.

G: We come in to teach or remind what a relationship could be or what it still is underneath all the changes or the disconnect. I would like to talk about comfort and happiness.

K: Okay.

G: You can speak to an old couple. They've lived fifty years together. If you ask them if they're happy...they will probably say yes and yet they can't look at each other and say that.

K: Okay.

G: So are they happy or are they just comfortable together?

K: Huh. Interesting.

G: When we are asked to come in or are invited in...we remind what happy is in unions and what the difference is between just comfortable and this is the best there will ever be and happiness. We remind what it is to work at relationships and what the reward of that is because when both are willing there is...a rekindle.

K: So why do those that want the sacred union relationships...why do they tend to just want the sacred union?

G: Because part of them...when there needs to be that reconciliation and healing...don't believe it could feel as good as what we can and do offer.

K: So if a human that has this sacred union...is it over when the human heals that relationship with their human partner?

G: No. People tend to think that if they reconcile or fix the love between the humans that the sacred union with the spirit will go away. But with unconditional love...we're the biggest metaphor for that and we stay because we're unconditional.

K: Isn't that cheating?

G: Some would think of it that way. I don't consider it cheating. There are lots of different kinds of spiritual relationships. People astral travel and find love in the astral. They have sexual relationships in the astral. But...all people have those relationships...whether platonic or romantic in the astral...it's not something that wildly understood or remembered. You rejoin the whole...is that cheating? I don't believe a person is sneaking around when connecting to love in any form. It's when a person is doing it out of spite or being dishonest or hiding that it's cheating and you usually hide what can be seen. Yes, we are romantic partners but we are a support. We are not introduced to interfere or take away.

K: There is so much to this stuff.

G: A lot of the mindset about relationships with spirit is humanized. Cheating or affairs is a human...condition. We are not human. There are people who are devout to spirits and even in human marriages, they devote themselves to God or Jesus or...I don't know...Zeus or Apollo or Hades. It's a side of their...lives that is sacred. It is returned by Spirit. It's a give and take of love.

K: When we connect with these kinds of relationships it can feel very sexual. Let's be honest...there's attraction there because there was attraction when you lived that human life with this person...is that why that sacral chakra goes off when we connect with these loves of ours. Again...general. I don't have a sacred union.

G: (smiles) Yes. It can feel sexual and it can be sexual.

K: (shaking my head) I'm totally humanizing this.

G: And you can't help but do that because it's all you know until you participate in these things and then you can feel and sense the differences.

K: Ah. Okay. Cool.

G: You're welcome.

K: The sacred union...past. When together, why couldn't these relationships unfold.

G: There was something stopping it. In my case...she was married. Sometimes it's forbidden. Rich/poor, black/white, nobility/slave...things like this. Or, they happen but they cannot be...announced or solidified. They are sneaky or love in a corner so no one can see. They...these people could not be together or they could not be honest about their love and this love was extremely intense and it showed on their faces and it was passionate. In your words...it was hot.

K: (laughing)

G: It stopped breathing or created rapid breathing... (eluding)

K: (laughing)

G: But it couldn't be shared with others for fear of punishment or humiliation or it couldn't be indulged in because the other person was unavailable.

K: So very...I mean you want to hook up bad or you do but it's almost like you just can't or it's shameful because it's looked upon as wrong.

G: Yes.

K: And that intense connection remains.

G: Yes.

K: But you reunite in heaven when both are spirit?

G: Some do. Some don't. Some don't need to because they are able to complete their karma or their relationships while one is incarnated and one is not.

K: Ah...so if someone indulges in a sacred union...that path that was meant to be could complete itself in different ways while one or the other in incarnated and one is spirit.

G: Yes.

K: That sounds like a lot of work.

G: (chuckles) It is. It's not an easy path because it's full of question. At first...but with perseverance...it can be very satisfying and rewarding.

K: If we are presented with the choice to partake in these relationships...why should we?

G: Healing a connection from a different life that could be a block in the life one lives now. All of this lives in the consciousness of the human being and can bubble up and affect relationships in the current life. When these are healed...because the healing understanding and forgiveness has to happen with us too...it can mend what has been broken in areas of an incarnated life as well. Again, a support.

K: If we choose to end a relationship...

G: It's your choice. We won't say do or don't. We will not put our human partners in that position. (laughing) You're scratching your head.

K: It just seems to me that if I was to partake in this kind of thing...I would have to have a lot of strength because I think I would feel torn all the time. Or guilt.

G: Yes. (nods) I won't disagree with that.

K: So what's the point. It just seems it makes life more difficult.

G: Because you're forced to look at or feel what you don't want to for some sort of healing. People don't like to look at the life they are contributing to or the relationships they are contributing to...sometimes it becomes a blame game. We are the example of being an active participant in all facets of love. It's the same spectrum and people are active participants in all spectrums of love/hate, dark/light because you are human and humans are born with these contrasts and they participate in them...some aspects more than others. Sacred union is...taking responsibility for what you are contributing to your relationships.

K: So why would we want these?

G: Because the heart of you understands that you need to be an active participate in all aspects of the love you decided to commit to while the brain tries to tell you, it's not your "problem" or it's not your "issue". If you contribute to a relationship...you're contributing to the problem or the issue whether that be lack of intimacy, lack of communication, lack of trust or honesty. So when we come in, it's always because you've asked or invited, to teach about those aspects that you feel is the other person's issue but really...it's both. It bounces off each other. The first couple of things we teach is trust and communication and to validate how you feel but to show you that you are also an active participant in any relationship you choose to partake in.

K: So if we're willing to look at our actions in our relationships and trust in someone like you or...whoever Mr. or Mrs. Sacred Union is...we can actually learn to love unconditionally again and bring that to all of our relationships.

G: Yes.

K: So HUGE, Grayson.

G: Yes and I think people are ready for it.

K: Because humanity is moving up in the world.

G: Yes.

K: Cool. I like that.

G: Yes. And people need to feel unconditional love. It's time.

K: I agree. What do you want to achieve?

G: (Sighs and leans back and thinks for a while.) Romantic love, relationships...unions...I don't believe they are a right. I believe everyone is deserving of finding love but it's not something that needs to be served to another because they are entitled. Yes, humans are entitled but love isn't forced. That's where the unconditional is. I want to show people that love is more in the ease and the force of love is desperate fear. Ignoring love or the work to make love work is fearing it a little. Because love is a reflection of who you are and I want to show people that they are unconditional...just like love and it's safe to express that and have that given in all forms...physically and spiritually. Faith is gone. Faith in unconditional love is...gone or it's not believable. But if we...as the energy of love, can prove that it exists and can allow someone to feel that and to teach them that it's good and okay and healthy to express that to another...that's what I would hope to achieve by working with people. To forgive what they haven't received from another and to forgive what they feel that can't give because they feel like they "should" (finger quote) be able to if they are in a partnership. Sometimes love is learned. It's intuitive...yes...but sometimes it has to be re-learned or re-nurtured and a human has to remember what that feels like. I'd like to introduce spirits or energies to other humans to remember what that feels like so they can take that and express it in their lives with others.

K: Very admirable.

G: It's that part that is missing. People seemed to be so concerned with the book cover...what it looks like than what if feels like.

K: That could be part of it.

G: There's a level of detachment because love...is misunderstood.

K: Did you understand love when you lived?

G: I understood love like...I lost and another gained.

K: But what about your kids?

G: I loved her through them. I got the chance to give her the love I could never, through raising her kids.

K: Did you love her when she married who she married?

G: Hhhmmm...I didn't know her when she married. I met her after.

K: Really?

G: Yes.

K: Not a close family?

G: No.

K: Huh. I feel that.

G: Yes.

K: With sacred unions, how do we know what's true or how to we trust what we think is going on? Is it just fantasy? Is it real?

G: It's not about thinking. It's about feeling the truth. Too much in the brain...it's not accurate because it likes to create stories.

K: The stories we tell ourselves.

G: Exactly.

K: We always hear about opening the heart and it's become a little bit of a cliché but...we were talking yesterday and you said the heart is actually the portal where these sacred unions can come in.

G: It is. You see...the portal for energy like me to emerge is through the heart. There are portals on earth like your highways signs that tell a Being from another planet that they have arrived on earth and these are the city gates or however you want to picture that but soul mates, sacred unions, twin flames...the portals for us to come...to travel is through the heart of you, the human. We emerge from hearts.

K: Then we are portals for energies.

G: Yes. There are all kinds of portals but humans are one of the strongest and most magnetic portals of all.

K: Wow. I never considered that.

G: That's why you always hear clear and cleanse the heart because that's where we can exist and...be born from...born again.

K: Wow.

G: These kinds of intimate relationships with spirit are born from the heart...chakra is the word you use.

K: Yes.

G: There is a belief that the Higher Self of a person emerges from the portal of the human or connects to the portal of the human with the crown...the top.

K: Yes.

G: It's the solar plexus.

K: Really?

G: That's the soul. The top is a link but it's not always the direct link. Not everything exists above a person. A lot exists within.

K: Wow!

G: The connection is...the Merkabah doesn't exist on top of you...it's around. Connection happens from north, east, south and west.

K: I'm totally using that photo for this conversation!!!

G: That's why I showed it to you.

K: You're so good for that.

G: I like a direct yes and no.

K: I know you do. You like the face to face. Heart to heart.

G: I do.

K: You had said that...to see your sacred union love you would see it with the third eye and that would be the only part of the upper chakra that would be used?

G: Yes. The rest is all feel.

K: And you would feel the third eye sort of heavy, twitchy, itchy, fuzzy.

G: Yes.

K: But you're showing me that the heart would be activated at the exact same time.

G: Yes.

K: There's buzzing all over here. The areas that I feel are the heart big time, sacral and the third eye. It's like they're being pulled out of my body and attaching to you.

G: Yes. So I come through the heart, I stand in front of you and those chakras pull out from you and attach to me.

K: So interesting. I just sort of try to give hints about how people would feel if this was around. But again, it's all personal and what you allow yourself to feel.

G: It is.

K: It's not for everyone.

G: Nooooooo. (Sort of purses his lips and speaks the word long and low.)

K: Even if we want it?

G: It's something that makes you hear a lot of what your ego does not want you to because to express unconditional love to a partner, you have to learn to do that with you. You have to learn what the true meaning of forgiveness is and you have to be willing to...bend and not break. You have to want to love...love you, love your partner, love...let down your guard, take down the bricks of the wall you never realized you had. You have to be willing to listen to what is being said and what is not. You have to be willing to hear and...own the parts you played in your life instead of projecting a lot of blame for feeling lack or feeling wounded or feeling...ignored. There are a lot of things that you learn about yourself that's hard. It's hard. You have to learn to trust your feelings...you have to feel comfortable expressing emotion and not hiding it believing it to be inappropriate or wrong. You have to be willing to be humble, kind and apologetic and own your part in all relationships. It's not easy because you're looking at what you never wanted to see. It was always someone else's fault or what was being done to you.

K: So this is the ultimate healing and growing. Like...the ultimate intimate look at your life to move forward in sort of the way that...I just feel it's very self-mastery...Christ consciousness stuff.

G: And when you commit to that path...you commit to the sacred union. When we couldn't be together...it was because there was a lot of shame or fear...that carries over to other lives and needs to be healed because whether a person knows it or not...they project that into the relationships they have now...unknowingly and wonder why things turn sour without willing to look at their own actions or inactions. We come in as guides and teachers and sometimes lovers to...be the example of what still exists. Love is never over. It is always there. It just has to be re-learned sometimes.

K: I just don't feel like it has to be with a sacred union. It could be with any sort of relationship or spiritual connection.

G: I agree. It doesn't have to be but we enjoy that it does because it gives us the chance to be in your life again as a partner in love to express love on every level.

K: I'm sure I'll have more questions. I mean...this is very new and pretty big and it won't resonate with everyone.

G: It won't. You hear so much stuff about what could be or people initiating things that not everyone can relate to because it's too farfetched. But those who have been introduced to these relationships will know that they are hard and they tend to end before they really have the chance to help create change or these humans are willing and ready to change their lives and incorporate unconditional love in whatever way that happens and even though there can be a lot of tears and frustration and anger...it all comes up and out to be lifted so the real...heart of a person can shine through. And while sticking with it...those lives that we had together...can be...there's a culmination of sorts and a completion of what should have happened but never got the chance to live and breathe. We get the chance to live and breathe through these relationships and it's...coming home.

K: So when you died...were you in a personal hell until you could reconnect with your love?

G: We're always connected. It's just a timing things...a divine intelligence that says...you're up to bat. Play ball. I was kind of in a state of disbelief. So was she. But I was so at peace to come home to her.

K: That's pretty beautiful. Can people call on you to get an introduction to these sacred unions if they have them?

G: Yes. I am the matchmaker...if they have them.

K: Because of Simon and I's past...I sort of thought we had some sort of sacred union thing happening. And then I laughed and he laughed and...no.

G: (chuckles) No. Your relationship was not hidden or shamed.

K: No. It was just intense but he is with his now.

G: Yes. He is.

K: They aren't incarnated here though.

G: No. They're both spirit.

K: Yes and they are so friggin' cute!

G: (laughs) Yes. Very much.

I hear the couple laughing.

K: Okay Grayson. You got my number. Call me.

G: (rolling eyes) I'll meet you at the fence.

K: Oh come on. I'm allergic to horses.

G: Not where I am.

K: Fine. I'll meet you at the fence. I'll see you later.

G: Thank you, Kimberly.

K: Thank you, Grayson. Thanks for trying to explain things. I still...all these terms are just very...terms and there's just so much I still don't get or understand but I'm willing to try.

G: That's a start.

K: Have a good night okay.

G: I will. I think I'll read.

K: Every time I see you relaxing you're reading with a pipe in your mouth.

G: (chuckles and nods) Equals a nice evening.

K: Sure does. Thanks Grayson.

G: Goodnight.

Conversations with Spirit Guide Simon - Suicide

I guess I should put a disclaimer on this talk but me and 'shoulds' don't get along. Suicide is happening so much more these days and this conversation is far from a...how to or a justification or an excuse. It's seeing things, a little bit, from the mourners' side and some from the side of the one that took their own life. I mean, if I was to get into all aspects of this from every single point of view it would be a book. This doesn't even touch the tip of the iceberg and I hate to say it's a general discussion but it was just what I knew to ask. He was walking with me one morning and offered to speak about it which was surprising to me because I didn't even think of sharing a conversation about it, for personal reasons, so I chewed on the decision. Suicide is not an easy way out. If you or anyone you know is struggling with thoughts of suicide or struggling with mental illness there are people to reach out to. I am a firm believer that there is hope, help, second chances and more, among other things, in regards to life. It just needs to be talked about instead of hidden away. There's liberation in sharing. There's liberation in asking for help. We've all been affected by this whether it's hearing it from someone you know of or personally mourning the loss of a family member or friend. For myself, I have had experiences with this a handful of times including walking to work and seeing a young girl trying to jump off the High Level Bridge while the cops were trying to talk her down. Made for a pretty shitty start to the day, if I'm being honest. So let's create a conversation. Not one of shame or blame but one of compassion because we all struggle. Instead of sticking our heads' in the sand, let's create an awareness. Now, with that being said, here is my conversation with Simon about suicide.

S: Kimberly, Sweetheart, where have you been all of my life?

K: Right here, Simon. Right here. How are you, Handsome?

S: Very well. Indeed.

K: Indeed. Waddup and around?

S: Everything.

K: Hey, thanks for bringing Stirling in. He's very cool. Different energy though. I have to get used to it.

S: Yes. Well. That shouldn't be a problem. There is more room to work with now.

K: I know. Tell me about it. I'm makin' space double time.

S: Is it double time? That quickly?

K: Feels like it.

S: Well, I'm impressed.

K: My aim.

S: The goal.

K: Rarely accomplished in one sitting.

S: (small chuckle)

K: Want to get into the heavy?

S: I would have it no other way.

K: I might get questions later but how 'bout you and me first?

S: Yes. (getting sentimental) I'd have it no other way, Sweetheart.

K: I want to do that talk about suicide.

S: Very well. How shall we begin this topic of conversation that won't have people reaching for their...armory?

K: In the form of what?

S: Anything that keeps them in their safe zone.

K: No such thing anymore. It's happening a lot and we have to talk about it even if we don't cover the whole subject because really, how could we. It's very personal.

S: Yes. It is.

K: I used to judge it. It used to...not sit so good with me.

S: As many do.

K: Because I had assumptions about it.

S: As many do.

K: But today...I have an understanding. I have a...I sympathize with those that have committed this act and I really feel for those who are blindsided in the wake of this...tragedy.

S: Yes. It's an extremely touchy subject. It's...there is no closure. There is no whys answered and the part of the brain that needs to decipher the whys also needs to know details to be able to do this (decipher). How the death occurred, was there a note, what did I do, what didn't I do, what could I have done.

K: Do you think, in terms of...some sort of healing or ability to process...that the family of the one that took their life...makes it about them.

S: Of course. It's how they can get the answers to their questions. It's natural because people go into a state of shock and in that shock it's about them and the recovery is about them because they need that safety net that is them and so it is made about them...to an extent. And this is okay. It's very okay. It's a coping mechanism. They have had a life taken away so suddenly and so surprisingly and it is not a...there is no safety in that.

K: There are so many reasons. People want to reason it; to justify that it happened. There doesn't seem to be any justification in taking your life to the people watching from the outside in. I mean...it's a mental and emotional state of being in a moment...maybe that moment lasts for a year or months or weeks...depending on the situation...

S: Mmmmm. (rubbing a finger over his lips)

K: Very personal reasons. As it has touched my life I have seen reasons being...exhaustion...

S: Yes.

K: Deep sadness. Shock. Fears. Resentments. Anger. I heard of one woman that didn't "mean to do it". (finger quote) She was...her daughter said she was very abusive and wanted attention and so she took just enough to harm (pills) but it was a little too much and she ended up dying. It wasn't the first time but it was the last.

S: Mmm hhhhmmmm.

K: So...I don't know...retribution? Um...desperation for peace? Eternal slumber? Tired of the brain? Tired of the fight? There are so many reasons out there that to pinpoint one for someone taking their life...what would be one word, Simon?

S: (clears his throat and sits up) Desperation.

K: Okay.

S: A will.

K: Sure.

S: People assume that for someone to take their life...the act is easy.

K: I'm sure that is an assumption.

S: It is not (easy). It is the most unbelievable pain that a person can feel. It is a lifetime of pain in one moment. (holding up a finger) It can come to that from years or months of self-torture...of another's torture...of needing a desperate means to escape situations that have inundated a human being with such angst.

K: How can that be judged though?

S: Because that amount of pain...that amount of desperation...cannot be understood by someone that has never walked that path in life and it could never be understood because if someone has given the one who has taken their life...if someone has given them everything to try and help, they feel it shouldn't have happened because there was help. There were resources so why did this person die. The resources...more than not...know nothing of the extent of the suffering.

K: But psychiatrists or psychologist or whatever...they know to an extent.

S: Yes. It is a study. It is a diagnosis but the physicians...the families...the friends...those that try their best to detour a suicide have not felt, with all of the senses...what this person is feeling and so the deepest parts of that suffering are unrelatable nor are they understood because they can't be. Much is covered with Band-Aids. And this is not a judgment to those who have helped or assisted. This is all they know to do and it is admirable to be there for someone in such torment. It is a hero's plight to be there for someone that contains no life or has run out of...the desire for life.

K: The grief that comes from those who have heard of the death is...because there are so many questions and shocks and misunderstandings...it's a grief that...it's a struggle to come out of totally.

S: Yes.

K: I mean, especially for the people that find the person after they've died...I mean...how do we give comfort to them? How do we say the words that these people are in a better place because their last memory is finding their loved one dead.

S: In those moments...there are no words and so, simply being and holding would be enough. Until they are ready to speak the words...when the shock has worn off and the anger comes and the sorrow comes and the shock turns into something of a panic or anxiety attack...it is best to let those, who have found the deceased, to speak first.

K: I'll ask about the people that actually do it in a few minutes...

S: Yes.

K: But I want to stay on the topic of the survivors right now. Maybe that's the wrong word but, when grieving, it is survival mode.

S: I agree.

K: It doesn't just touch the immediate family but it reaches into communities. And this is with any death but it really hits those finer nerves when it's a suicide. It just ripples out like a nuclear bomb and it touches so many people. I know I had a work colleague that died this way and I don't think she had any clue just how many lives she touched...just at work. We held a funeral for her and there were so many and...the initial reaction for most is to come together whether that be for a vigil or just to have support as the shock settles. In cases like this, is it best to get that community together? Have people come to you to help you get through those first moments?

S: Of course. Not everyone reacts those ways, Sweetheart. Some lash out. Some wish to be alone. Some find too much activity around them...confusing and an unsafe place to be. They wish for their caves of alone to dissect what has happened...to create story lines in their minds of what the deceased has done or why and they wish not to be interrupted as they...review. Everyone has a different way of dealing with these kinds of things. The key is to allow it while hovering. Push will only create angry outbursts because those who mourn in the worst ways will feel as if they need to be a certain way in front of people which allows no room to process their shock and grief authentically. It is, how you would say, putting on a brave face.

K: Yeah. Totally. Sorry. I'm pausing. It's just such a sensitive subject. For anyone. Because it's so misunderstood but I don't think that we could ever get that full understanding because just as the person who commits suicide is an individual, so are the reasons the act is done and it's just so personal. I wish I could really get into every single part of it but you're right. How can I when I am not physically, emotionally or mentally able to experience what they do.

S: (smiles sadly) Yes.

K: I heard don't go where you're not invited.

S: He speaks of exit points.

K: Maybe.

S: There are exit points throughout a lifetime. Some are created from life...some are chosen before life. They can be taken or they don't have to be. Nothing is set in stone. To go where one is not invited...how is that...I am perplexed. The invitation has always been there.

K: But not in death, Simon. More in connection and communication but the invitation to leave...

S: Ah. I see. Again, how does one know?

K: We don't. We just assume that our lives are to last until we're 91 or whatever number and anything before then isn't supposed to happen. If it's a sudden death like a suicide or a crash or whatever...it wasn't supposed to happen. There's fault there. If there's an illness...there's less fault but if there's old age it's...they lived a good long life.

S: It's the judgement or the rule book in play of the human.

K: There's no way to predict.

S: There certainly is not. Not even for us, Dearest. As you know...there are so many timelines. We can narrow things down but ultimately, the human is in charge of that.

K: For those who die out of...I don't know...reaction to something bad or...like a death or the loss of money or a job and it's these really sudden curveballs that happen...is there something underlying that makes a person go to that extreme?

S: Inability to hit the curve ball; the greatest sense of panic that cannot be measured. They are running for their life...a life that was swiftly taken from them in the form of a relationship or a job or an illness...perhaps. Usually it is a circumstance that a person has lived for so passionately and that is ripped out from under them like a floor. There is only one way out. It is a reaction but at the same time it was...their life; their livelihood. What they have sacrificed for and hid a large part of them away for to play this part and without that...who are they?

K: Yeah. Makes sense.

S: I am not justifying. I am simply explaining.

K: Yeah.

S: They are not mentally unstable. They could be the most solid thinker and/or feeler in the whole of the world but when life is torn away...there is panic and a deep...it's crushing. It's very crushing to a heart and when a heart has been crushed, it either dies or it survives after much repair. The deepness of the crush varies from individual to individual. It's very personal, as you have said. So I cannot sit here and tell you one thing and have that be for the whole of suicide. It's impossible. What I can offer is an inside peek to shed some light on a very dark situation.

K: Thank you.

S: (sighs) It is difficult for me...as a guide who understands all of it...every single bit of the whys, to sit and try to explain something so extremely sensitive. I know that I can be...

K: A straight shooter.

S: (smiles) Yes. I can be to the point. But I can understand both sides and I can feel all of it. I can allow you (Kimberly) to feel those...situations as much as I will allow that for you but I do not sit here and talk frankly about something that is so crushing to so many. And I do use the word crushing because it is. For the person who decides to take their human life away...no one can perceive that feeling of...drowning. Some make it up for air...(sits back and crosses his legs) and some do not. Some never recover from the effects of a loved one's suicide and it haunts them daily and it is something that they must live with...day to day. I do not minimize that into one conversation that I feel would simply answer questions and then let's be done with it. No. This is a deep issue and one that is happening more and more because the heavy of life...the floors that have been whipped away...the constant mind nattering racing that cannot relate to the peace of silence...this is happening more and more. It needs to be talked about, yes, it needs to be talked about but I do not wash my hands of something that is a discussion that has no ending. It really doesn't. I have much adoration for those who survive and I have much love for all who don't and I have much respect for every single human being involved in what appears to be a finality. I am not foolish enough to think otherwise and that it can be mended so simply. It cannot. For those who read my words, consider their source and I offer you my hands, my heart, my arms, my body, my spirit for you. Either for those who want life to end or for those who have seen it end by another's suicide. I...I am yours; a servant to hold you in these most difficult and traumatic times of need. For both sides.

K: It has touched my life a few times.

S: Yes.

K: And in the last five months I have remembered so many details about yours...

S: Yes.

K: And I know what the purpose of those memories are and I know that you have been working with me on that forgiveness.

S: I have.

K: So how would you feel if I asked a little about yours? Not for me but for the readers.

S: Very well. If you are comfortable with that, I will speak of my death.

K: Let's go slow.

S: We shall.

K: First, I guess the most obvious question would be why? You were a brooder.

S: (smiles)

K: Still are.

S: I most certainly am not. (shifting in his chair)

K: (rolling my eyes) Please.

S: I am incapable of holding a grudge.

K: Sulk then.

S: (laughs) What is your point, Dearest?

K: As I remember, you held a lot of emotion in. You wrote it...very well in your plays but you were not very good at self-expression.

S: No. I was not.

K: Did those feelings that you kept inside...was that part of it?

S: It was.

K: So then, why, Simon?

S: I was simply exhausted. I held a lot of blame for so many because of what I wasn't getting and when I wasn't getting, you (Kimberly) simply went without. This angered me but it was misdirected at you at my father...at so many others. Actors...

K: They got it good.

S: They did. Fences are mended though.

K: I should hope so. Okay, so you were exhausted.

S: I lived an internal war of...what I failed to get...what I refused to see...what I refused to admit. It grew. My silence grew. My ignorance grew. Anger turned into a deep sadness...a longing for something I didn't realize I already had. That longing turned into a deep emptiness. I felt numb. And I continued to hide that numbness in the form of anger...of silence...of working so hard to cover everything up that I was also covering life...people...my colleagues...my wife...my father...bless him. He just...he couldn't support my mental and emotional state because he was the same and I saw him and I knew I was the same as him because that's all I had known. I had no mother. And he was a wretched crotchety old man with nothing in him. I saw that. It scared me. I was frightened of what I was becoming and yet...there was no escape. None.

K: Was it planned?

S: Yes. It was planned. I arranged as much as I could to take care of...you, of my father so he had at least a bed to lie in. I did not have much but I did what I could.

K: And I was livid.

S: (rubbing his hands together) Yes. You were angry.

K: When you saw that after, I mean...you saw the fallout of that?

S: Yes. Until I wished not to see it. I continued to wish only for darkness. I was invited into this place of love...humans call it heaven but I wished not to go. I wished not to be bothered because everything that I was feeling in my human life, I continued to (feel) and then I had the added vision of the fallout of my death. I stayed to myself in darkness for a time.

K: Was there help offered to you?

S: Yes. I refused.

K: Would you have been one of those angry ghosts we hear about?

S: (chuckles and rubs his chin) I did not leave any lingering residue. No, Kimberly. Did you feel haunted?

K: By other things I'm sure. Not just your death.

S: Hhhmmm.

K: How long did it take for you to come around? Can you humanize it for me?

S: Two years.

K: Really?

S: Yes.

K: I'm surprised but not. (clearing throat while talking) Brooder.

S: Stubborn.

K: When you realized the truth of it...when you had your life review...why did you even allow the healing?

S: When one crosses over and they have their beliefs...one day they will say...is this it? Of course it's not and they are, then, shown...heaven.

K: Is it the choice of the human to say okay I'm ready to see or know or experience after death?

S: Yes. Most times though, it's within a fraction of a second because the purity of love, forgiveness, compassion and celebration is an explosion like no other and it is craved. Especially after life on Earth. Celebration and...forgiveness for everything you feel you didn't accomplish or didn't accomplish correctly...it's craved and it is given.

K: Wow. And that took you two years????

S: (laughing) What can I say.

K: (rolling my eyes) You're infuriating.

S: Still?

K: God yes. Not everyone has the opportunity to connect with a loved one that has taken their own life to work on forgiveness or understanding or healing with them. So, how can that happen?

S: The dead...the spirit is acutely aware that it is a process for the human. This is something that is learned immediately. For the living...I would offer...do not hesitate to talk openly to us. Do not hesitate to tell us of your anger...of your confusion. Of your sorrow. Of your why did you do this to me. It is all valid and it must be said. Speak with us. Tell us for when you are able to tell us you invite us to come back and hold you and allow you to feel that yes, we had struggles, we've no more and now we come to repair and console what our actions have caused. The human that mourns must acknowledge their feelings. They must shout them. They must verbalize them. They must write them. They must pour it out. Some wish to go within...go to this dark cave where the light is dim so they can hide away from what has happened and then...maybe believe that it didn't (happen). This is okay. This is natural but in time, the light begins to shine and you are able to be in a moment of getting out of your bed, stepping onto your floor, turning on your water for a shower, getting dressed. Then, one day, it won't be the task that you concentrate on finishing but the day. Then it will be the week and when it begins to get a little easier to step out of your home...speak. Verbalize. Write. Validate that how you're feeling is okay and if it changes within seconds...that is allowed. Get it out. There is health there. There is healing there. People believe that closure is not close at hand when suicide happens. Maybe not for questions for the one that has died but there is closure in a sense that your grief is allowed to be expressed. Express it so healing can begin in the way you require it. Healing and closure happens differently for everyone who is in mourning. It is not a step by step process no matter what the specialist writes in their little pamphlets. It is personal for everyone so give it time and give it expression. Get help. It is fine to be alone but only for so long. Begin to surround yourself with life again...with people that can assist you because life continues and it will be different but it still continues. Tears are not to be excused away. They are allowed but...so is laughter and the ability to smile again. It is a process. Honor it.

K: You're so good.

S: I am but humanity's servant. (bows his head a little)

K: Is there help on your side for those who commit suicide?

S: Absolutely. Without a doubt there is much that is offered.

K: Are they ever scorned or judged by Spirit/Angels/God?

S: No. They are not. That is the perception of the human. They are helped. They are...I have spoken to another about the feeling of how they (the ones that died) are welcomed and I will say it here briefly.

K: Okay.

S: I would like people to envision a mother that has just given birth to her child.

K: Yes. Don't make me cry!

S: (smiles) Happy Birthday to darling Ireland.

K: God...that was grotesque.

S: In any event she was born and everything turned out.

K: It did. 11lbs 2oz...not an easy birth.

S: No. I dare say it was not. So envision this. An infant is placed on its mother's chest and there are blankets placed there as well and the child is cocooned there with its mother in harmony...in a place that is euphoric and new and even though the birth was traumatic for both the infant and the mother, there is ecstasy as they lie together. There is warmth. There is comfort that even this new place is okay.

K: Yeah.

S: The transition from human to spirit is like that. If I were to give the feeling...that would be as close as I could come.

K: Sorry dads.

S: (chuckles) The infant lies on the father's chest...just after. (winks)

K: It's very comforting. It really is because it's that intimate space of love. Just pure love.

S: It is.

K: Why is it so hard for us to talk about mental illness or depression or our problems? Why do we choose to keep all this in to the point where we are so desperate for a way out?

S: Shame. Guilt. Shame that we feel differently or shame that things are...we don't handle things like others can. Shame in our inability to connect and because of this inability to connect or open to...others we hide. Shame or guilt that life is more difficult and to others...our problems "shouldn't" (finger quote) be that bad because they can handle it or they got help so why can't we? They were able to see the light...why can't we? We are met with misunderstanding or frustrations when things are not getting better and others think that they "should" be because of some time line or some...belief. This is text book. This is not relating or wearing another's shoes. And so, to not be more of a burden than what we feel we already are...we stuff it away, our confusion or our hurt or our sadness...we hide it away in little filing cabinets or compartments of the heart. It is our tickle trunk of despair that no one understands but us and it is heavy. Someday, it empties. Either with the person or people that can assist in the ways we need them to whether that be by therapies or procedures, or, it empties as we move out...move on from our human experience. Mental illness is valid and must be spoken of. It is not an embarrassment. It is nothing of shame. It is an illness...a disease that presents in so many ways. There is help but for there to be more avenues or areas of expertise in mental health...it must come to the light instead of simply peeking through sometimes. If one is struggling...voice this so others are brave enough to voice their own. The shared experience builds a community that, then, offers assistance in ways that were never thought possible. This is hope. These are more chances. You are not an embarrassment. You are not a problem to be solved. You are human being with emotions and there are people that can and will understand them and offer you more hope than there already is.

K: When someone knows that they have these suicidal thoughts...they won't always get help. They won't always call the hotlines. They'll just end it.

S: Yes. At that point, it is all consuming.

K: I just...don't know what to say at that point that would offer anything if someone is in that dire state of hopelessness or desperation. But I can't accept it. I can't accept that possibility even before it could happen. At some point...

S: You have done all you can. There is a responsibility for the fallen to ask and sometimes they simply do not know how.

K: But it's not as simple as that.

S: It is not. I don't sit here and claim that it is. As I have stated...it is not an easy conversation. It is not a simple posted conversation and after we've closed, I wash my hands of the topic. I am in it with them...with all of them to that perceived end...end of strife or end of life. I am there. It is not simply an open and shut conversation on a website. It cannot be. And that is why it must be spoken of freely, whenever it needs to be, to create awareness.

K: I get that. I understand that. I've heard that when people have decided to die, they are sometimes happy and they gather with friends and family and the friends and family feel everything is better because this person, who had that cloud, appears happier than they've been in a long time. A day or two later...

S: It is the sense of...they are freeing themselves and they have peace. It is...peace is something that settles within the soul like a warm blanket. It settles in the soul as if you've had the best sleep and the best dream and you're exhaustion or your worries have gone away. There is an ending when peace is felt and the ending is usually from torment, fear...all these aspects of angst that these people are feeling and for the first time in a very long time they are allowed to feel happy. When there is a light at the end of a tunnel, does that not bring relief?

K: It does.

S: When a decision has been made to take one's life...to them, that is the light at the end of their tunnel and they go willingly.

K: Some may think that the happiness or the joy of someone who's about to commit suicide is somewhat insulting. Like a big middle finger up in the air...sort of arrogant because in some way, they might know what the family or community will feel when it's all done.

S: Do they? Do they know that, Kimberly? Or are the just relishing the fact that they can smile...wholly. That they can feel joy...freely. That the burdens have gone and so the freedom settles in. They can be the person they've always wanted to be and showcase that because they cannot help themselves and they want to. The only thing on their minds (points to his head) is the freedom that's coming because the life they have lived has been somewhat of a prison term. They are also very okay with death. There is no fear there.

K: Again, with the decision made...all of it is individual.

S: Yes. Reactions to choices that are made vary. Some withdraw even more from life...trying to be invisible before death believing that that would make it better for the ones that are here to keep living. But...it is not better. To withdraw more makes others question what they have done so terribly wrong to you that you would shut them out completely and then...there is no answer for that or closure for the ones left confused by your complete and sudden absence in more ways than one.

K: Are there always signs that something will happen?

S: No. There are not always signs. More than not...there is. Withdrawal. A first attempt that did not end in death. They may speak of life being over for them or that they can no longer continue. They may speak of their struggles as a death sentence. They may not speak about death at all but if you watch them...something is off. They are not fully present; part of them being gone. They will not make eye contact. This is the guilt and shame that they feel for being different; they feel for being a perceived failure.

K: Would a drug overdose be considered a type of suicide?

S: That's a very good question. I would have to agree, Sweetheart for why are they ingesting poison to begin with? It is to escape life in some way. It is to numb a pain. I would consider it a personal death. The inhaling or the ingesting or the shooting up of the drug is the attempt even if the abuser doesn't realize they are playing with fate.

K: Wow. You agreed with me?

S: In a way, I did.

K: I find that when someone admits that they're suicidal or people admit to being depressed or whatever that others don't know how to take that or how to relate or help with that and so they sort of keep their distance. But that is...it can be so damaging.

S: Very damaging.

K: Is it important to keep that connection with the people who are going through these things as just a reminder that they aren't alone?

S: It takes a very strong person to see people towards the help that they so desperately need. It's as if they are on standby constantly and it can be tiring. But people who wish to help either go in all the way to the point they become tired or resentful or they don't help at all...really. The connection does not have to be as if you are nagging someone. It is an offer. It is a phone call or a text. I love you. I love you. Are you okay? Can I bring you anything? Would you like to walk with me? I'm going to the shop, could I get you anything? Would you like to come with me? How are you feeling today? Tell me anything. I am here for you. These are the things that can help. These are the things that allow someone, who has isolated themselves, feel not quite so alone. These are simple things that friends or family can do that go a long way in showing that someone, out there, cares enough to check in.

K: Do you think, after a suicide, for the people that have offered to help...I don't know...does it just...questions arise like why didn't they listen to me? Why didn't they call me? Why didn't I call them a third time? Stuff like that?

S: They try to explain away events because they are painful. It's painful to realize that for all your support and effort, life ended in tragedy anyway.

K: Does every suicidal person follow a certain pattern?

S: For the most part...it is similar.

K: But for the sudden decision?

S: It is very sudden. It is a reaction of the most epic proportions.

K: Young adults. I mean...social media is just so all-consuming. People live through that or vicariously through other people's pictures or posts. It's exhausting. What is the responsibility of family in those situations where there could be online bullying and school bullying and the emotional and mental strength and capacity of the young adult just can't take it?

S: It is a serious issue and for anyone that is witnessing a young adult spiral in that downward direction, I implore you to be aware. Be aware of the social media they choose to use. Be aware of the friendships they create on your line. (online but it's Simon) Be aware. It is the responsibility of the adult to be an active participant in that child's life. Open the door to tough conversations. Talk, talk, talk and then talk some more. Make it obvious you know what is going on in that child's life. Make it obvious that that child knows there is support...even if the child does not approve and wants to be an adult too soon. Be aware. Make friends with the child's circle of peers. Let them know that this parent is participating in this child's life to the point that this parent is now a safe place for any friend of your dear child's. What is it you say to Ireland and Mateo?

K: I tell them that I see and know everything that happens even if it's not at the time. Even if it's a day or a week later. I always find out. Then I wave my crystal necklace and tell them Simon's watching.

S: (big laughter) I am not the only one.

K: And I actually talk to them about the people they hang with. I know their daily life in school. I ask questions. I ride their asses. I cut cords but at the same time I can still grab 'em and real them in and if they don't want that...they have to respect my need to know about their lives.

S: Yes.

K: Also, they ask for YouTube channels and Facebook and I refuse. Ireland's getting a cell phone. You bet your ass I'm going to be checking it. I already have her emails sent to mine.

S: You are a guard, Dearest.

K: Have to be.

S: But you are very aware and what happens now?

K: They come to me with everything. Mom, mamma, mom, mummy, mom, mamma, mam...oh my God. Seriously, sometimes I just want five minutes.

S: (smiles) But it is worth it, is it not? For the peace of mind that for the moment, everything is okay and everyone is happy.

K: It is. You are very correct.

S: And a parent only hopes that flows into the teenage or the adult years. Where the child continues to believe that parents can be the place to unload and be understood and that it is not shameful or there is no fear in admitting what life is giving them and that life will be supported and/or dealt with.

K: Yes. It's home. To me...that's what home should be. It's a world I never had but want to provide and that's to anyone. I want to provide that safe place but at the same time...at some point...you have to do the work as well.

S: (smiles softly) Yes.

K: But then, parents can do everything in their power to protect or nurture but their child still...commits suicide and I don't even know how to directly comment on that because I literally can't imagine, as a parent that chooses to be in it with their child, and that still happens...there's no solace in this place.

S: There isn't. No. There isn't.

K: So again, this conversation isn't to excuse or place blame or give reasons as to why. It's just there are things we can do but is it always enough?

S: Sadly, sometimes, no. But this is the discussion. This is the part where the shared experiences lead to help; help for those who attempt to take their lives and help for those who are left shaking in the wake of such a tragic act. If a child has taken their own life...parents tend to lose the community of friends because the friends don't know what to say or do and so it is just better to practice avoidance and the situation, hopefully, just floats away. No. It does not. It leaves people in their grief alone. It does not take much to check in. It does not take much to listen to a moment of emotional turmoil so it can be expressed and let go of. This is open, forthright and direct loving and compassionate action for all of those involved in suicide because it is not just one person that is involved. It is every single person that was touched by the life of the one that died and because of that, there is strength in those numbers to create comfort and solace that life will continue...although very differently.

K: Yeah. (rubbing my neck) Absolutely.

S: Allow me. (tingle tingle)

K: Thanks. A big debate is doctor assisted suicide. I can totally understand that right. I get that. Where do you, as Simon...the Spirit...that unconditional love of God...where do you come out on that?

S: It is the human's choice. I do not have...it does not leave a bad taste in my mouth. It gives the human the power to make the decision based on the fact that they are dying. The human would just like to have control over the way that happens and be able to be in a position to say their goodbyes when they are able to. They would like to give themselves that closure and they would like to give their family that closure. If anything, this situation grants much...serenity to those who are dying and to those who witness the death. Everything has been put in order, every word has been said...it is a farewell like no other and I have great respect for the people that choose to do this and to take their power back and to realize that their journey has come to an end and they would like to see it end the way it brings them comfort and, those they love, the comfort they need in solace. It is a very difficult position. Some, for various reasons, choose to suffer through. This, as well, is not to make light of. For in the illness there lies a war to be fought. To the death...as they say. And it is. But the human's fighting spirit has been challenged and it will not back down lightly. Some do not wish for their families to see them take an "easy way out" (finger quote) This is for various reasons. It could be hurtful to the family, it could have religious connotations. In either situation, whether someone chooses assisted suicide or someone chooses to fight to the death...I do not have an opinion on the matter for I see and support both sides. I will not give the readers a right or a wrong. This is the personal life of the sick and the dying and they are allowed to make this choice for it is their body that suffers and no one else's.

K: I have heard that suicide isn't always...sometimes it's the real exit point. Like the person was supposed to die this way; that is was chosen before they incarnated to earth.

S: Yes.

K: Is this true? Equating it with a car accident or a sudden aneurism or a heart attack...whatever it is...sometimes is that the way the person was always meant to die?

S: Yes, Sweetheart. It is.

K: Were you "meant" to die that way?

S: No. I was not.

K: Huh. I know you had a rough go of things. The more I connect with that memory, the more I see it behind your eyes.

S: Might I say...to anyone...self-expression done with respect for all others especially for one's own Self is one of the most important aspects of the human soul. Your soul can only hold so much until it spills over. I would much rather see individuals spill over in a beautiful waterfall than a glass of liquid that falls to the floor. The shards (of glass) are sharp and can get lodged in the skin making the situation...much more painful than it ever has to be. Waterfalls...they can be trickles...they can be roars but it allows the water...the emotions to flow. Allow the heart to flow up to the throat and express in any way it must. Whether that be in sadness or in anger. Allow it. When you allow...you release it and it is freed. Discussions are meant to be had even when they are uncomfortable; even when they make another squirm. It's okay. Choose the words wisely. Remember...it's always two to dance...two to tango (winks) and you will never know who can offer you the greatest words of encouragement when you are honest with your journey and where it has led you to today. (points to the ground) Life changes even if one is blind to the beauty of it...the changes happen around you. Allow someone to show you the beauty again...show the way back. Nothing is impossible. Coming back from the darkest thought is never impossible. It only seems that way. I am not here to belittle anyone. I am here to encourage what will save you from your thoughts...from your assumptions...from the burdens you carry. It is coming out of hiding and using your voice and in that...finding that community around you that can help you. There is no shame in this place of darkness. There is no guilt. Look beyond that, towards hope. There is hope. This is not a begging hope. This is the light at the end of your tunnels...hope. This is the hope of receiving....not of getting. Do you see the difference?

K: Receiving and getting...what's the difference?

S: Receiving is the gift. Getting is what one deserves...what the mind set or the attitude is and what that attracts back. Receiving is leaving it completely open and seeing what comes. Receiving is gratitude.

K: You had said that you were overly concerned with what you were not getting before you died.

S: Okay, Dearest...you win. I was a brooder.

K: (points to him) A-ha! A-Ha! Right there, Simon. I told you. I told you I remembered.

S: (chuckles) I do love you.

K: I love you too. Thank you for this. Thank you for your honesty.

S: As always...I will forever bring truth. Now go. Before you burst like a dam.

I have to pee. I know. Too much information.

K: Okay. See you. I love you.

S: I love you. Goodbye.

Conversations with Cory Monteith – Self Sabotage

Seriously adorable. What do you say about Cory? Everything and anything that's good. Little bit about self-sabotage.

C: Is this mic on?

K: Sorry. I had to get set up and now I just have to get my head in the game to actually write what we're talking about.

C: Like switching gears?

K: Yeah. It's a switch. You can be all in my third eye but when I have to get it down on paper...I gotta get into this combo state. Sometimes the pieces don't fit too well.

C: Bad days happen.

K: I wouldn't necessarily call it bad days but I have to be honest...those stairs this morning knocked me on my ass.

If anyone knows about the Glenora stairs in the River Valley of Edmonton...I do those a few times a day.

C: (shakes his head slowly) Why, Kim? Why?

K: I have to get movement in sometime and in some way and stairs are good for you.

C: Can't argue that. How are you?

K: I'm okay. How are you? Last time I saw you...you were playing poker on New Year's Eve.

C: Good night. I was doing a lot of things on New Year's Eve but that was one of them.

K: Ah yes...the whole omnipresent thing.

C: Love it. I really do. I can be in so many places and all of them important. I sort of wish I knew I had that ability when I was living.

K: How so?

C: We're all omnipresent. We don't just remain in the body. (gesturing to his chest with his hands) I mean...that's all that so many of us (talking about humans) are aware of but it's just not true because when we think of someone else...our energy is with them. If we're thinking of another place...we're there. Just...in a human body...we consider that imagination or day dreams but consider that it's something you are experiencing at that moment or it's someone you're experiencing at that moment and you're just "seeing it" as imagination or daydream or thought.

He just left me speechless.

K: Oh my God!!! Cory! I never thought about it like that.

C: That's why we (spirit) come to give chats. Because we like to drop bombs of information to make people consider that what they know isn't exactly what they know and that's my mic drop for the day.

K: You killed it.

C: Yeah. So, we were getting into it this morning. I'm sort of hoping we can recreate what we were talking about because between the two of us, I think we had a few nuggets of wisdom.

K: Yeah. I mean...it's just my feelings on it. I've been through it. I still go through it...a little less since a couple of weeks ago...maybe since January 1st if I'm going to be honest but...maybe people don't know that they're doing it?

C: Maybe.

I hear a drumroll.

K: Self-Sabotage. And I had to ask out in the Twitter world if I've talked about this before because you know me and repeating myself. It gets boring for people.

C: (grins) Whatever was spoken about before...because you're not necessarily the same girl and I'm not necessarily the same ghost...the information just changes and morphs and there's more to share.

K: Man, we were talking non-stop this morning and now I don't know what to ask.

C: Well, the way I've seen it or see it is that it's the worst case of procrastination.

K: Yeah.

C: And...it's self-induced. It's all these hang ups that people maybe think that are there because of someone else or circumstances...life in general and it just keeps them in this place of restriction when life is actually just trying to push them into something that would be so great for them. You sort of see it in...like when we get born to earth we sort of have this business plan of what we want to accomplish and because, when we're in spirit, we think on that grand scale, right? Because in spirit...anything is possible. But to a human...anything is possible is usually a myth. So we come to earth with this to-do list from heaven and when it's time to do that...the human being that we are, can't grasp that it can be done or it's something so great because it's daunting so we use excuses to not do or shut it down as just a fantasy. But...that to-do list is to allow us to live a life purpose that we came here to do and to just say no because it's hard or you're not good enough or it's unexpected or it really doesn't fit into your idea of "cool" (finger quote) humans tend to get into this habit of Self-Sabotage. But it's not just for life paths. It can be anything. In general, though, it has to do with our to-do list from heaven.

K: But maybe, because of the circumstances we're living...that purpose or that idea or whatever comes to us...seems to come out of left field. Almost like a big WTF.

C: Exactly but...we sort of still feel those urges of doing it and that's when that fight happens with the soul and it leaves a person feeling miserable even though it's a self-induced prison of "I can't".

K: Been there.

C: Want to share? What's the worst?

K: I mean...there's lots of ways that I've self-sabotaged myself. Laziness is a big one...

C: (laughing)

K: Because some days I'm just done. The pooch has been screwed, man.

C: (shaking his head and laughing)

K: And the last thing I want to do is move into some sort of life path. It just means more work and I'm done.

C: Not always though.

K: No no. Not always. I like to get my feet wet and then wade and splash around before I dive right in.

C: Chicken shit.

K: Sometimes.

C: Good that you're honest about it.

K: I think my worst hang up...that is starting to be apparent and I'm dumping its ass (hang up)...it's waiting for others. Whether that be approval or permission or until they have their stuff together or until they can meet me at the point in life that I'm at...I felt that I was continuously waiting for others and it was the biggest form of procrastination because in doing that...I got to comparing myself.

C: Yeah.

K: But then I'm like...what the hell am I doing? It was a huge block and I was starting to get frustrated and a little pissed off at the other people. In saying that...it isn't warranted. I mean, everyone can use another person as an excuse not to get stuff done but I really had to look at it and ask myself...what's important here. What's important to me and why am I waiting on others to be okay or get their stuff together before I take the leap into something that is important to me or that I feel fulfilled doing. So yeah...a lot of taking back my power or my own initiative and as soon as I did that...BAM. I gained so much...freedom and connection and I felt like...I felt like that mountain climber that cut the rope so I could just climb because the others couldn't or they didn't want to and they would stay at base camp. Lately, my feelings are like...I love you enough to leave you at base camp but I can't have that slow me down anymore. I feel like it's been a main theme of my life.

C: Do people know they're doing it?

K: No. I never say anything. It's just sort of this lesson that I had to learn myself. That whole thing about we are all on our own journeys even in marriages, partnerships...family dynamics...yes, we know and love each other but at the same time...that's our environments and our environments are supposed to support us in progressing or show us what's not progressing or moving forward in life and we can be that example of get the ball rolling.

C: I love that. I really do.

K: That's my shpeal.

C: It's a good one. We don't realize...

He just showed himself as a prism of light in my right eye. Cool.

K: Nice.

C: Can you see me? (joking around) Anyway...we don't realize how we let others sort of take hold of us and if we want to be liked or appreciated or feel like we're supporting them...we're constantly waiting for them to make some sort of move but that doesn't mean that they're at that same level as the one who's waiting for them and that's where the frustration comes in. That doesn't mean we abandon them. It's exactly what you said...we respect the course they're on but at the same time...we don't let that drag us down or keep us from living what we're meant to live. You see it all the time in relationships whether that be marriages or friendships or work friends...one is meant to keep going in that up direction while others don't want to or they haven't done the work to go in that direction as fast. That's fine but you don't have to self-sabotage your dreams or your needs just so they remain comfortable with having you stay in the same place they are. Sometimes it works because there's always that middle that people can meet at. Sometimes it doesn't and they have to make a break for it but that's why those people were in your life. It's because they had that to show you and they had that to give to you and when you realize what it was all really for...it's sort of like that underwear in your stocking...you need it and you'll appreciate it when the laundry isn't done.

K: Really?

C: Bad example. I know. But who likes to get underwear in their stocking. That's just filler.

K: What about...rain before the rainbow? You're drenched because you're walking home in a downpour and you're miserable because the rain's slowing you down but then it clears and you get the rainbow.

C: Sure. We could think about this all day.

K: Very true.

C: At least you're not a bitch about it.

K: About what?

C: That whole people being your self-sabotage.

K: Nah. I'm not that person.

C: I really like what Paul said...that whole...you go do your thing and I'll do mine and then we'll meet somewhere in the middle.

K: Yeah. It's a good one.

C: Because it's just realizing that...two people don't always have to be doing the same thing just because they work, live or whatever together. It's that whole...I feel safe enough with you that I know you'll come back to where I can meet you.

K: Yeah. Absolutely. Instead of this...please don't go or please let me tag along.

C: It works for a while but then you need some breathing room.

K: Totally need breathing room.

C: You guys are good together. Good team. (Paul)

K: Sometimes. There's also...quitting before getting ahead.

C: Yeah...when life gets hard or different...a person just gets up and walks away. Huge Self-Sabotage.

K: But why?

C: Because it's not what they were expecting or they thought it would be easier or they just feel like they're not up to par with it.

K: Like, you're in this really cool relationship and it's going really well but he seems so...all the ladies like him so before I get hurt because all those ladies are obviously prettier, smarter and wittier that me...I better hit the road.

C: Pretty much. Or...the job. Let's look at acting.

K: Okay.

C: I really loved the script, right? I really loved the whole feel of what I could see that this movie or this show would become but because they were looking for some other look or feel in the main character...I didn't go for it because right there....them wanting something that I felt I couldn't provide...I self-sabotaged that job because of assuming a lot of stuff that probably isn't true and if I had just stuck with the audition...I probably would've won an academy award because they thought I would've been perfect.

K: Awesome example. Did it happen?

C: Nah. Just an example.

K: Drugs and alcohol.

C: Definitely. For real.

K: We've talked about that before.

C: It's just drowning out whatever you're feeling you're not adequate about. Adequacy...again, it could be about what you lived in your past that haunts you. It's...escaping what people might think or say about you. It's meeting this level of success that others seem to get so easily but maybe you can't or he can't or she can't so they begin to feel this inadequacy and it sucks but then all those substances sort of soften the blow. But...feelings of inadequacy sort of go along the lines of what you were talking about. How...you're waiting for others to give you permission. I mean...all that stuff sort of play around in that.

K: Do you think people sabotage others while not knowing they are?

C: Sometimes but mostly...they know and then you're just getting into narcissism.

K: Cool.

C: Everyone does it. We talk about self-sabotage like it's this big thing but even people that have their shit together...so it seems...do it in small ways too.

K: Yeah. The term just seems so awful.

C: Like why would someone turn away from happiness or this great potential to be happy.

K: Exactly.

C: Probably because they haven't learned what their happy is. And if they were willing to just take a risk or jump into that leap of faith...regardless if things work out or not...they could discover that pure happy factor.

K: I totally agree or that drive to just do what you need to do to feel like you're actually contributing to something.

C: Yeah. Absolutely.

K: Comparing with others? Is that self-sabotaging behavior?

C: It is because if you're stuck in comparing yourself to others...you'll refuse to move on. If you're comparing...you really don't think much of yourself. Of if you're waiting for some sort of applause or validation before you move forward in your dreams and plans that came from heaven...you really don't think much of yourself. It doesn't matter. If you've found your happy...if you're opening up to new ideas and actually putting them into action...it doesn't matter. Do it because some day...it will catch the eye of someone and if it's just one...you've changed the world with what you've offered.

K: That's awesome.

C: Even if the job didn't work out...at least you went for it and you did it for a while and it taught you...maybe that it wasn't really for you but now you know or that relationship...you played in it. You experienced that hot stud from across the room but it ended and not because you didn't feel like you were inadequate in his eyes but because he became pretty boring to you. But you experienced it. You allowed yourself to have that moment with someone that you considered out of your league but you learned...you were out of his. So to stay away from self-sabotaging yourself...you gain so much. And all that you gain is that job plan that you designed for yourself in heaven before you got here.

K: How do we stop Self-Sabotaging?

C: Sometimes it takes talking with someone...a psychologist or something. Sometimes it takes your spirit...sometimes it takes a coaching...sometimes it takes you stepping outside of yourself and witnessing these patterns that keep happening...like you did...and just say to yourself...I've had enough. I'll do my thing, they can do theirs and one moment, one day, one month, one year...we'll meet back in some sort of middle.

K: Thanks Cory.

C: Thanks, Kim. Busy day?

K: Not so bad. Yesterday was a gong show but I feel more like a steady day is before me.

C: Good. What's Sunday look like? Are you going to channel?

K: (moans) I don't know. Simon's got his wings out right now for some...reason and I missed the whole thing the last time. It wasn't copied so I can't remember any of it. Of course I can give messages and stuff but do I really want to stand outside while the party's happening inside?

C: Simon's got his wings out?

K: Yes! And friggin' Ryker and Richard. I'm friggin' surrounded.

C: You always are.

K: Not like this.

C: You want to know part of the reason?

K: Sure.

C: You know when you get burned by a pot or something.

K: Yes.

C: And that new skin...when it's getting healed...is just really tender and sore. It's almost like it's really sensitive because there's no shield there of protection. The Band-Aid's off because we have to let it air dry?

K: Yes. I know exactly what that's like. Used to be a chef.

C: You just got a lot of new skin and it's not that shedding snake scenario. Things have been burned away so you're a little sensitive...that energy around you. That's all. They're just acting like that...what do you put on a burn? Butter?

K: God no! Never put butter on a burn. Solarcaine? Ooooo!!! I know. That cool second skin stuff you can buy that's cooling. (Cool and cooling in the same sentence? I'm surprised they still come to chat. Need coffee.)

C: Yeah. That's all they're doing. They know you don't like the cling.

K: I'm like...I'm a big girl now.

C: Even big girls have to crawl into their dad's lap sometimes.

K: True. Okay Cory. Gotta jet.

C: Cool. See you soon.

K: Of course. Love you.

C: Love you, Kim.

Conversations with Chris Cornell – Anger/Reaction

I'll be honest with you. I'm human just like everyone else and today I woke up LIVID. There was no reason. I had a really good evening. I had a great afternoon. Just...really mad this morning and we could blame the full moon. We can blame the people that trigger us and I was triggered...I was triggered big time. Let's just say...passive-aggressive-silent-treatment-guilt makes me want to throat punch. Does that make me less of a "spiritual teacher"? Nah. I just think it keeps it real. Again, I share my life as transparently as possible. We're human with human emotions...anger being one of them. So Chris came in. He's been wanting to talk but we weren't sure what to talk about...until today. Here is Chris' thoughts on anger....

C: Ready?

K: I don't know, Chris. I just don't get it. One day...like yesterday I'm having a great day. I feel good and I go to bed and then WHAM...I wake up like I want to serve a bunch of throat punches or just scream. It's like night and day.

C: Quite honestly...(chuckles) after this morning...I don't blame you.

K: Just...people that have no regard for others who actually have lives going on and because you're not some sort of center or attention...you need a life. (talking about something that happened this morning)

C: I mean, that's just it. I think when people get a little entitled or self-righteous, they're sitting around, too much time to think and through thinking...blame others for their boredom or their unwillingness to live any differently. They put their lives on hold to be noticed or to be taken care of and I know I'm validating you right now because your energy has calmed down.

K: It is calming down. I go back to these places of...like I owe someone for the privilege of knowing them or for them to be part of my life. I'm just tired of feeling these feeling of owing someone because they know me or I know them and I feel these issues are just coming up a lot. Not only with me. I think I'm just...entitled society without understanding that people don't think, feel or live the same way you do because...we get busy and so if you're sitting in your self-righteousness and blame, waiting for someone to make a move to notice you...maybe that's a sign that you actually need to make the move to be noticed. If it's on your mind and you're just sitting and getting mad that no one's paying attention to you...maybe you need to give someone a reason to get noticed and not hold grudges or shitty attitudes because of an expectation on another.

C: Yeah. I see that but there's a lot at play here and it's all about hurt or loneliness...because people haven't wanted to live so they look around and see only three or four people that have become all they know...right? I mean...to push people away...you do that with placing your loneliness or your entitlement on them and then we see feelings of...

K: Anger. I'm pissed.

C: So, let's talk about anger.

K: Well it's a reaction.

C: Yeah. Absolutely. It's a reaction.

K: It's triggered.

C: Sure.

K: It's probably something that keeps coming back...sort of like a scratch that keeps getting opened. Like when I have dry hands and there's a crack in the skin where I have to bend a finger or something.

C: Yes. I agree with that.

K: And we either haven't dealt with this trigger or we just don't want to recognize that we've allowed it for so long without putting a stop to it and that just compounds the problem. Because now we have the reaction to someone else and we have the reaction to what we keep having to deal with because we don't want to say enough is enough.

C: All true. And we could go on and on about it. There's a lot of reasons for anger to come up but I mean...the themes are the same but the stories are different. Characters are different. And...we always talk about the onus being on the one who's angry, right? But sometimes it's just easier to be angry and blame another for that anger. Anger's usually a buildup of bad communication or lack of honesty. I mean...if someone's prancing around their living room being passive aggressive without having an honest conversation...that's bullshit. That's egging someone one. That's not being mature enough to say how you feel. That's bullshit and when it's happened for all this time (spreading hands wide)...right...and the person who's watching the peacock hasn't told them...enough is enough...there's an immediate reaction that's compounded by that two way street. Honestly...people with passive aggressive ways of handling their feelings...sometimes the throat punch is a nice fantasy.

K: It's so frustrating! And I feel that people use a lot of passive aggressive communication and, quite frankly, that's a form of abuse. No matter how small...it's manipulation of another person's mental and emotional state to try to get what you want at the cost of another's heart...empathetic nature...guilty fucking conscious because God forbid...if you told them how you felt and it came off as disrespectful...

C: But is it? If it's direct communication and it's communicated in a way that's respecting the feelings of someone else...is it disrespectful or is that their reaction? It's a reaction and a reaction is not a response. With you though...you take and you take and you take and you shove it down. That's just what you've been taught to do because freedom of fair expression was never yours or there were repercussions if you expressed yourself. But there comes a point and let's face it, Kim...you're black Irish.

K: I know. I totally own that but honest communication was never one of these lessons that I was taught as a kid.

C: Not a lot of kids are taught honest communication and they see a lot of shit on reality TV that screws up what's left of that reality so...there's a lot that distracts us from learning those skills or watching what could be okay from others that's glamorized as healthy which sometimes ends up as being drama.

K: Can you help define anger?

C: Anger is when you want to continue to compartmentalize your emotions that aren't the feel good types but then the compartments get so full that you can't anymore. Everything just boils over. Triggers start developing and reactions happen. So knowing this, anger is more about personal wounds than what you believe others are doing to you. Then we start to wonder why we let people pull our strings. Because they're older? Because we say we need to respect people meaning we can't have our say because we need to respect someone else's (say) just because they're more important. And then we can get into the whole honesty thing. Just an FYI...passive aggressive behavior or talk is a reluctance to be honest. It's a reluctance to be vulnerable enough to say...you know, I'm angry and here's why. Honesty...what aren't you being honest about because you're worried about an angry reaction from another? What are you so scared to feel because you're supposed to be able to take it on the chin? These are assumptions that people tell themselves because feeling angry is not okay. Feeling frustrated is not okay. Feeling sad is not okay. This is why mental illness is hidden because in this society...feeling these "bad" (finger quote) emotions isn't okay. We have to strive to be happy so we swallow and we compartmentalize to the point of boiling over.

K: You were talking about respecting elders or people or whatever but I sort of think that the whole definition of respect is screwed up or on an individual basis...based on the relationship to another person. Like you would think this is respectful to this person but it wouldn't be respectful to these people because...I don't know...age or the relationship to you or they lack an understanding or sense of humor or whatever.

C: Yeah. I understand that. It's that thing I was saying about letting people pull our strings or poke us where it's already tender because of their relationship to us. Look, regardless of what a relationship looks like or who's involved, respect is a two-way street and a person putting themselves up against someone of "more authority" like a boss or a parent or a grandparent...teachers...it's because we think of them as the hierarchy and we can only say so much because anything more would be disrespectful while we internalize the fact that we're not being heard or understood and that gets shoved into those compartments every time it happens. Little by little, feeling more and more frustrated when we have to keep our mouths shut just because of who someone is. Then on top of that, you try to shove excuses about why it's okay that you're being disrespected at the expense of that assumed hierarchy. No wonder people feel anger. No wonder that anger turns into resentment and relationships crumble. No wonder. Respect is a two way street and if someone wants respect from you, they have to show that they will give that in return.

K: I think what triggers me is the fact that I've allowed behaviors from others. The behavior is part of it but the fact that I've allowed it...it's more to do with that.

C: And that's what anger tends to be about the most. Just people don't want to admit it. It's really what you've allowed to continue but you're fed up and your solar plexus is off the charts saying no more or WTF. When you come to that moment that you realize that it has a lot to do with your own reactions or your own...choosing not to use your voice...choosing not to use your importance or that whatever it is you have going on in your life is valid and if you can't appease another person right now...that's okay. It's okay. You're right. There is this ongoing sense of what people owe each other just because of who they are in relation to your life but that's not the case. The case is...it's an honor to be in each other's lives and it's a natural give and take...a place of freedom to express and have that land in a place where...I hear you. I understand where you're coming from but this is how I'm feeling right now. And then there can be a mutual middle ground to work from instead of strutting around like a passive aggressive peacock.

K: (chuckling) Set in their ways.

C: That whole thing about people being set in their ways is really their unwillingness to look at how things progress and maybe that they're just unwilling to go with that. Then they just get bitter about being left behind. Hence (gesturing to me) feeling like they're owed or needed to be emotionally and mentally pampered. If you find yourself in any of these categories that I'm explaining...take a real hard look in the mirror and see what's come and what's gone and why. And if you're looking in that mirror...admit that you're not supposed to take ownership of another person's issues. Even if they offer to give them to you...realize what's not free for the taking...what comes at a personal cost to you.

K: I relate to that so much. And I guess, while talking about anger...there's just a lot more involved than just anger.

C: Because anger is a buildup. Anger just doesn't happen. Yeah...sometimes people can get frustrated and call that anger but anger is red. It's the totality of everything and sometimes we don't know what we're angry about...like you this morning...but it's still there and its' been triggered. Even if we ask why...we won't necessarily receive the answers. That's a sure sign that we have to calm down.

K: How can we...come to grips or work through it without adding to that cycle of the blame game or letting other people get under our skin?

C: I think one of the most detrimental things a person can do is sit and internalize it as some sort of conversation with yourself about how hard done by or how wronged you are. That's just convincing yourself that you're the victim here when you really aren't. You're creating that victim without your ability to effectively communicate your feelings and by not respecting yourself as much as others demand that from you from that hierarchal standpoint that we convince ourselves exist. Get moving. If you have to have these internal conversations...get moving. Don't sit. Get your body moving and active because this releases steam and when you release steam...the reaction doesn't take that hold or keep that hold. The reaction is purely physical so when you get physical in those times of anger...it releases some of that reaction to be able to sift through those compartments that have bulged and broke open.

K: If it's an ongoing issue...what about therapy. Like anger management?

C: Anger management is teaching people that effective communication and freedom of expression in ways that aren't so detrimental or hurtful...is okay. Anger...is on levels and exists in waves. People have to be taught effective ways to work through or manage their anger...their reactions so they don't build. That's why it can become so much so quickly...because people haven't been taught how to manage anger, or emotions in general, in healthy ways. People think anger is justified and it is. What's not justified is to hold onto it. Anger's a parasite. It feeds. It builds on itself. But that's allowed by the one feeling it so it's not justified to breed anger. It's not justified to hold onto it because there are ways to work with that underlying cause of what's really going on. Anger is an excuse. It's used when you don't want to own up to what was created by frustration, lack of respect and not knowing effective communication. If a person takes the step to communicate without blame...without being passive aggressive...without lies or deceit...without holding something over someone else as a sentence or punishment of guilt...then an angry reaction from another person has nothing to do with you because you kept your lane clear on that two way street just by using effective and healthy communication.

K: It's hard to let things roll off without feeling you need to come to your own defense. It's like...sometimes we're constantly having to shield ourselves or walk on eggshells or watch our step because we don't want to hear it or we just want it to go away.

C: That compartmentalizing.

K: Really?

C: It's just shoving it away instead of being honest and saying...this has to stop.

K: Really...are you still re-hashing that? Are you still....blank.

C: If it has to stop...you have to stop it and you don't stop anger with just a knee jerk reaction and your own temper tantrum that meets or beats the one that's being thrown at you. It also doesn't have to be that constant re-open wound. If something is not okay with you...it's not okay and you have the right to say...this isn't cool to me and here's why. Don't blame. More like...this is how I feel about....blank. Or...why do you feel it always necessary to bring up....blank. Another...what more do you want me to say about....blank.

K: Waking up angry?

C: Life is going to show you good days and it's going to show you bad days. The bad days aren't a punishment and while you're having a bad day and another person adds to your bad day with their ineffective communication or silence...learn what you actually own and you don't have to take anyone else's because you have enough going on. You don't need to take on another's anger just so they feel better at your expense. And it doesn't even have to be anger. Anger takes many forms. Anger can be guilt trips. It can be...why haven't you done this for me. It can be in the form of another person's loneliness or...pay attention to me. That's all on them. That's not yours to own. That's stemming from there compartments of what they haven't been able to effectively communicate and so they use passive aggressive dialogue or guilt...which is pretty much the same thing.

K: I'm not the type of person that can continue to smile and nod or pat their head and say there there...metaphorically speaking.

C: I think when you tell people to pick and choose their battles...it's important because you have the choice to engage...even when you know it has nothing to do with you because you're living life as it comes to you and you're only human and you can only handle or take on so much and these days...for a person...it's a lot. People are continuously bombarded with shit from media or internet or people's personal turmoil that they willingly share to get a reaction from someone else that makes their personal turmoil justified to continuously live in. At some point...people's reactions and emotions and shitty days and anger...they need to take the steps to resolve that and it's never on the backs of those who...no...sometimes you don't have the time to sit and talk for half an hour about everything to do with them. Sometimes it's more important that you go take an hour to close your eyes instead of answering messages from people that are bored or just need to hear themselves talk and have you listen. I mean...sometimes it's okay...more than okay to de-compress because when we take that time out or only focus on what's good for us at any moment where we're feeling overwhelmed by the obligations of life...it can be the difference between an angry shit show and a validation of...I love myself enough to not take that on.

K: Reacting can be easier.

C: It is easier...in the short term. The outcome could be long term and by long term...it could be years...it could be a lifetime.

K: If the feelings of anger are continuously coming up with specific individuals...what's the best way to handle that.

C: It's all in the choice to communicate it. It's all in the choice to respond and not react. It's in the choice that you make as that bigger person. If you have to ignore behavior and know that by not giving it your attention...you choose not to feed the parasite...that's growth. That's maturity. That's realizing another person is ready for a battle or you to rollover but...you backed away and said, maybe another time. If people who try to goat you into an argument or to compartmentalize emotions...if they don't get that reaction...they know that power's gone and they tend not to even try anymore. They're miserable...but they try it on someone else who will give them the reaction of anger they need to justify their temper tantrum. Don't play. Just don't play. If you feel the need to play...chances are...you're not altogether comfortable with where you stand either. Get comfortable with yourself and start forgiving yourself for taking on other people's troubles or lack of Self. It's done. When you realize you do that...the anger doesn't show up anymore and there's more of a...calm, I'll see you around when I'm ready and maybe...I'll never be ready. That's when the conversations start changing. People who require special treatment...in regards to their egos...they'll push people away. It's imminent. Two way streets are rarely a one way direction and if they are...the one way ends at some point and there's a fork in the road. That's a choice to continue on the one way or to take back your emotions and your life and start a new journey where you leave all those boxes or compartments on the side of the road.

K: Nice.

C: And gangster rap...doesn't necessarily help. (I was listening to gangster rap during my walk)

K: I know. But it fits the mood.

C: I know all about music and moods. I played that.

K: I know you did. Can spirit feel anger?

C: We can feel it. It doesn't last long though. It's not even...I wouldn't even consider it a reaction. I wouldn't even call it anger. More frustration. But again, it doesn't last too long because we can see through all of that to what really matters. I think...I think 2019 is a year of truth. I think...2018 was a year of personal power. But now that people know about personal power...I think it's time to use that and live truth. Anger is reacting to a lie that someone's telling you or that you're telling yourself because of whatever circumstance. If you're truthful...anger doesn't exist. The reaction of truth is personal peace regardless of the tornado that you find yourself in that's not even yours. You sort of got swept up in it but you're deciding to fly your kite instead.

K: Makes you think that...feeling so angry...there's nothing that comes from it. It just stays as anger and it just makes a person immobile.

C: Set in their ways.

K: Entitled.

C: Anger is a cover up for being scared. Scared of ultimately...ending up alone but instead of loving people towards you...you lash out and keep them captive and submissive. But when your captors wake up and realize...being scared of being alone is the least of your worries. Now you actually are (alone).

K: In general...I don't feel a lot of anger. I have my vent sessions but then I'm good. Like...now that I'm wrapping this up and I worked out and all that...I still feel irritation and frustration but the anger isn't as prevalent.

C: You gotta go in there, Kim, and be your own boss. Be your own person. Be the person that's loved and not the one that's hated. Be you. Be the person they wish they could be. Be the person that keeps promises...does what they say they'll do...gives people freedom and choice...all that stuff that people love about you...in the face of someone else's anger that's pointed in your direction because you look like an easy target to them...be you. I mean...there's a reason we find you (spirit). You're easy to be around.

K: Even in my angry moments?

C: Especially during your angry moments because we all need a little excitement now and then. Black Irish tend to do that pretty good. Plus...you're willing to listen even when you're seeing red.

K: Black Irish and shit disturbers.

C: You disturb the shit for a reason. That reason is pretty important. Foundations are shaken because they're not working. You just decided to be the one to point that out.

K: Yeah.

C: Your chin's looking a little beat up though. No more taking it on the chin.

K: No.

C: I'll see you soon.

K: See you.

C: Love you.

K: Love you back.

Waves a little and is gone.

Conversations with Anton Yelchin – Parallel Lives

Anton Yelchin...an easy guy to fall in love with. He's just so cool. Today, coffee talk is about parallel lives. I'm still scratching my head.

A: Kim!!!

K: Hey Anton. How's things?

A: Good. Awesome. How are you?

K: I'm good. Things are good.

A: You know what blows my mind?

K: What's that?

A: That you're never beyond experiencing the human life.

K: Why would you say that?

A: Because you never ignore it. You never pretend to be something that isn't living in it. I think sometimes people believe...that when you're on a journey like this...that you don't have to be human and that you can sort of bypass that whole thing but that's just....

K: It's just not something that's gonna fly.

A: No. So to everyone...be human. That's why you're here and be honest about it because it's one hell of a chance.

K: I think each incarnation...wherever that is, is one hell of a chance.

A: It's true. I think anytime a person decides to live and be something...wherever that is, it's such a great thing. It's cool. I like to see that. And it can happen on any thread.

K: I'd like to talk a little bit about those threads.

A: Okay.

K: But first, thanks for picking me up last night. I really remember hangin' with you...like as if you were flesh and bone.

A: I just picked you up to go to Audrey's.

K: I know but I feel like the further I go...the more I can feel or live that wire of one side is the human thing and on the other side is a completely different life and balancing just becomes so much easier and proof was last night. I mean, I know that I see you guys all the time when my physical sleeps but to actually remember living it...flippin' fantastic. So thank you.

A: And the more you remember or anyone remembers is the more that they'll bring that back and live that in their day to day and then the question becomes...which one's real and which one is really the illusion? Are you coming back to my side knowing that you're finally waking up from that dream of earth or are you still considering us the dream and the real life being what you're living day to day.

K: Like the chicken and the egg.

A: Totally like the chicken or the egg.

K: I feel as if I'm waking up from a dream while living the day to day. It's like...my life here is going to work and partaking in those relationships and having the coffee breaks and the lunch breaks but then when I go to "sleep" (finger quote) my state of awareness has become this...like I wake up in that world and that's where the real life is happening. Sometimes I wake up in my dream and think...that my human existence was just a crazy dream. And I think, to some extent, it is and it sort of helps get through all those feelings of what I'm seeing in the news and stuff. It's very real and it's happening but at the same time...it's just one of those nightmares that I'll wake up from. Sorry, I'm rambling. It's just hard to put words around what I'm experiencing these days.

A: It's cool.

K: But I do want to talk about the threads.

A: Yeah.

K: I want to talk about parallel lives.

A: We've never talked about parallel lives?

K: I don't think we have. I think that we've talked a little bit about choice.

A: Yeah. Choice...that sort of runs those parallel lives.

K: How many parallel lives do we have going on?

A: You could have a lot going on at one time but that four lane highway eventually merges into one. (holds up a finger)

K: Okay.

A: I mean...to count...it's different for all people but...think of choice first. Let's do choice. So you have all these possibilities presented to you, right?

K: Yeah.

A: Think of those as strings. Whatever color. For every choice there's a string that sort of gets pulled out of you and hooked on these choices.

K: Got it.

A: And you make a choice and you follow that certain string and sometimes there are strings that follow that as more choices that will have to be made now that you made that one certain choice but that's the door you go through. Meanwhile...all those other choices that you left back there are still there. Nothing is ever finished. So let's say you sat and wondered what would happen if you made that different choice...that was still a potential so that...in a way...those choices still exist. Because a choice is something like energy. It's never over and it exists because it was so close. That parallel has broken off. So with every choice...you have these strings. Sometimes...at some point...these strings come together to form a braid, let's say.

K: Yeah.

A: And that's one path while the braid you left behind or the two other braids you left behind are still there and you're wondering what would have happened...there's still energy going to that and it still lives...it's just not in the ordinary vision. It's energy and it exists in that energy of awareness and that wonder of what would have been if I had done (pause) blank.

K: The images you're showing me are quite the gong show.

A: I know. But we'll try and keep it simple. The threads.

K: Do they exist forever and ever?

A: No. They don't. People tend to think that they do but...it's like visiting dreams. When you dream, you're in an altered state of reality. When you dream, you're here with us and so that's sort of like these lives. The ones that play out for the longest are the ones that were really meant to be.

K: Oh boy.

A: Too much?

K: No. Just hard to translate.

A: It's like...people talk about the frequencies and dimensions of Earth and there are parallel earths but the parallels are just those collective states of consciousness and if the vibration is higher or lower which depends on the choices of humanity. So you do have these different Earths that still exist on those 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6...and so on, they exist on those dimensional planes. It's just your vibration and your dimensional shifts...you experience life that way. The choices a person makes...some are higher vibrational and some are lower vibrational and so these parallel lives that come out of these choices exist. You move into these parallel lives when your choices in your life align with those vibrational and dimensional states.

K: So now we're talking about dimensions when it comes to parallel lives but in a parallel life that I know I have...it's sort of the same life but with different relationships.

A: Yeah but in that parallel life, are you doing what you're doing now in terms of being a medium or spiritually coaching others?

K: No. One of the daughters that I have does do that though although she's still young.

A: Yeah, so in that parallel life that you created with that guy...you gave that girl that life in that dimensional state and because she exists in that dimensional state...that one will always exist and when you die, you can come into that life and be a guide or look in or whatever.

K: (sighing) Wow.

A: It's big when you think of it all together like that. That's why I like to look at it with the strings first and then let it branch out.

K: Is there a life that your parents didn't move from Russia to the States?

A: No. We were always meant to move to the States. That was the only scenario back then because it was a for sure thing.

K: Okay. So these choices that make these parallel lives...they are more to do with relationships...families...things like that?

A: Yeah. The bigger things. Some things are just meant to happen. It would look like there were no choices involved and that's because...before you got here you decided on these bigger things that you would live and remember. The parallels were those sorts of things that...okay, I don't want pepperoni pizza, I want the deluxe.

K: What?

A: But overall...you're meant to have pizza...doesn't matter what kind.

K: What?

A: (laughing) The bigger events are the ones that are meant to happen. The choices come from them. You even said...you could have been on a much...a road that wasn't so good because of addictions.

K: Yes. I had a choice.

A: And you chose not to go down that path even though it was really close.

K: Yes.

A: And so, that life with the addictions...it's another braid but that reality is in a two/three dimensional life...it's in a different dimension where you chose to live in the fourth and fifth; where you are now. So with that choice of cleaning up...you chose to live in this dimension while leaving the fragment of your addictive self, back in the second and third.

K: Are there still people who live in a two and three dimensional reality in a fourth dimensional world?

A: Oh yeah. Too many, in my opinion.

K: Wow. That blows my mind.

A: I know. But no one gets left behind so these people who are living in these lower vibrations or dimensions will always be given choices to come out of that in the lives they're living now.

K: This is so wild.

A: And that's why you're talking to me.

K: Totally that's why I'm talking to you!

A: I love it. I love coming here, man. I love coffee talk.

K: Let's talk about cancel clear delete parallel lives. Can we have hooks into parallel lives?

A: Yes and it's mainly to do with regret.

K: Really.

A: Because sometimes a person can feel what this other parallel life gives them in the life they live now and they wish to recreate that in their life now (points to the ground) but you can't unless you start making the choices that you could have made when you were presented with them back then.

K: Because the choice is never gone. It's still available.

A: Nothing's over. Nothing is ever...done. The choice might look different but it will get you back on that path that you feel regret over. With people though...it's harder because you're not only wanting to make choices for you but other people in your life have choice as well so with situations like career or schooling or something...that's a little easier than trying to get your ex-husband back because you think your life would've been better if you hadn't cheated or he hadn't wanted to move on. Just examples.

K: Yeah. No. Totally makes sense. Do you check in on your parallel lives?

A: All the time. It's like watching a movie and sometimes I'm like, you really want to do that?

K: (laughing) The little choices sort of fade away.

A: Yeah.

K: The bigger choices that we make...you said that it creates a braid.

A: Yeah.

K: So the little strings sort of fade away but I see you walking with this braid and it gets thicker and thinner as you walk but behind it...it sort of disappears very slowly. Why?

A: Because you're living the braid so whatever happened back where the strings are fading...it wasn't the big bangs. If you see a braid or knotted rope...some lengths are slightly thicker than the others and those thicker lengths were usually the places where life made you make bigger choices or take riskier chances and in those thicker lengths...those are the ones that branch off and make more braids.

K: How many parallel lives do I have? Including all dimensions?

A: (Looking and counting. Puts three fingers up then four then goes back to three.) That didn't...no. (muttering to himself) Three....(iffy)

K: What? Isn't it just three?

A: You're...there's a potential there that just doesn't want to go away but it should because...he...nah. Three.

K: What?

A: Nothing. Part of one connects here (Anton's side) and it joins there (Earth)...Tough to explain. It's like...yeah (looking) you have spirit and human connecting at the same time. Living together at the same....time.

K: Isn't that just connection with the Higher Self?

A: It's different. You're literally making homes in two places. One being here and the other there.

K: What?

A: Tough to explain but you know.

K: Sort of.

A: It's like how you were saying that when you get here (Anton's side) you feel like you're waking up from a dream and when you get there (Earth) you feel like you're waking up from a dream. Both (holds two fingers) are taking place at the same time which makes a lot of sense.

K: But anyone can be like that? Anyone can go back home and live like that.

A: But to actually live it like a lifestyle...it doesn't hold. It's okay for a while but then it breaks apart.

K: And this is a parallel life?

A: Mutated parallel life. It's one of these things where the parallels intersect and become that two lane highway going the same direction. Still sharing the same road. The human's the road.

K: I'm going to predict something here.

A: Yeah right. You don't predict.

K: People are going to want to know what they're living.

A: But the thing about that is...some would try to use that to escape what they're living now thinking one is better than the other. It's not. It's just different because in every life...parallel or other...there will be struggles. Some are just easier to deal with than others.

K: Very true. What about people in parallel lives? Are they always different characters?

A: That tends to happen with kids being born. There's the same characters in regards to relatives and friends and stuff...just some might not be as long lasting.

K: And we remember the lives of...

A: It's usually that a person lives or remembers the lives that take them on that path of raising vibration or travelling into those higher dimensions because humans...life in general, was never supposed to stay the same or revert. That's over now. There's no chance of that happening. It's just a steady climb up now.

K: That is very comforting.

A: It's comforting for us too.

K: Cool. Anything else on parallel lives?

A: No. I'm good. Unless there's questions but I got a date with a little girl about to start a test in four minutes.

K: Thanks luv.

A: She'll be okay. See you. I gotta run. I want to be all in.

K: Okay. See you soon.

A: Bye.

K: Love you.

A: Love you too. See you real soon, Kim.

K: Bye.

Conversations with Audrey Hepburn – Heart & Third Eye Connection

Love this woman. She's like candy and chocolate with a touch of champagne. That is all.

K: Audrey, Audrey, Audrey. Where have you been all my life?

A: Oh...here and there. Don't you ask Simon that every time you see him?

K: Well, men get tiring. (I'm winking at her. Kidding guys.)

A: Ah, well then. I'm flattered.

K: How are you?

A: Picture perfect. How are you?

K: (laughing) I'm good.

A: Feel ready?

K: (pausing) I go through stages.

A: How so?

K: Well, when there's something coming up like a big event or something and it has to do with me...and it can be anything, I have stages. You know how people mourn in stages?

A: Yes.

K: Well, that's sort of how I tackle events that come up where I'm at the center of it.

A: Hhhmmm...I can see how that would be...okay. (unsure)

K: You seem unsure.

A: You aren't excited?

K: I am. Okay. Here's some examples. So if there's like something happening and the timing's far away then I'm...I know it's going to happen but it's so far off that it's not worth thinking about.

A: Oh dear. I don't think he'd like to hear that.

K: Hold on. Hold on. That's the calm before the storm.

A: (stifles a laugh with her hand)

K: Then it's like...okay...it's coming close but I can't really believe it's going to happen because it's still too far away. Sort of like the other shoe's going to drop.

A: (straightens) Yes.

K: And then the day gets closer and I'm like...somethings going to happen and the whole thing's gonna be shut down. I live in denial because sometimes the idea or the feeling is just too big.

A: (rolling eyes and smiling)

K: And then the excitement sort of builds but it's nervous and I get grouchy.

A: Mmm hhhhmmm.

K: And then I go into a tailspin of anxiousness but I don't let it show on the outside. It's an internal thing and my stomach doesn't feel so hot.

A: Yes.

K: And then the day before, I keep myself busy trying to prepare but I'm not really preparing. Just ignoring the eventual good things.

A: Negativity always keeps a person busy.

K: I don't think it's negativity. I think it's just disbelief.

A: Could be the same thing. Still denial.

K: And then I come to a sort of peaceful countenance that everything is as it should be an all is right with the world.

A: Is that the day before or the actual day of a wonderful event?

K: The actual day.

A: Huh...what stage are you in now.

K: Trying to keep it together Audrey. FYI, someone is MIA!

A: (laughing) Oh boy.

K: Yeah. Tell me.

A: Everything is fine. Everything's fine. I know you know that.

K: I totally do. Deep down. Surface wise...not so much.

A: Well, what can I do to take your mind off of it? Oh...Have you spoken to Gerald?

K: Nope. (Don't know a Gerald. Have no idea what she's talking about.)

A: Hhhmmm...that might need to happen sooner than later.

K: I'll talk to him. I just don't know who you're talking about. But I did want to talk to you about the heart and third eye connection.

A: Okay.

K: So I'm doing this meditation where I'm using binaural beats and solfeggio frequencies to connect the heart and mind. I find that this is sort of important.

A: Very much so.

K: And I was reading that to actually turn on that third eye...a person has to be willing to open the heart but I always sort of thought the throat was a great place for all that energy to meet because then it gets expressed.

A: Yes.

K: But I find that the heart and mind connection is...one of these highways that just...if it's blocked, there's no way that third eye will be activated to its full potential.

A: Yes. Well, your third eye...isn't that...some would believe it is the portal to heaven...so they would think. I mean, to be truthful with you, all the chakras have their purpose to connect to heaven but let's take the heart and the third eye as an example since you asked.

K: Is the third eye the pituitary or is it separate?

A: Depends on who you speak with. I consider it separate. The pituitary...hhhmmm...think of a projector. Now, this is only my perception of things. This is only how I see things...

K: Okay.

A: So think of the pituitary as the projector. It has the film all connected. The film is the connection to spirit. (Higher Self/Heaven/God)

K: Okay.

A: Now the third eye is the screen. Screens are usually bright white because it's easier to see the images on a bright white screen so that third eye must be cleared of any sort of debris to have that clear view.

K: Yes.

A: But...the pituitary...the lens of the projector must also be clean. It can't project that true image if it's smudged or dirty or has a film of something over it. Then the image gets distorted. They work together in that way.

K: Sure.

A: But, the fact that they work together...it is a...somewhat of a portal if you would like to call it that. It is a portal to heaven. That's a term that would be recognizable so let's go with that.

K: Yes.

A: What is heaven...I'm having trouble articulating what I need to say.

K: That's okay.

A: Let's think of divinity. What would you think if I told you that something was divine?

K: Um...well...(laughs a little) heavenly.

A: (laughs as well.) Yes.

K: Beautiful, loving, compassion, overwhelming sense of comfort, warmth, forgiveness.

A: All of that wrapped up into the word divine. I would agree with you.

K: Yeah. It's just this huge encompassing word that speaks so much.

A: But it's love.

K: Yes.

A: Where does love dwell?

K: That heart space.

A: So to connect to what you would consider divine...don't you think you would have to connect to the heart to experience an open path to heaven? To the divine?

K: Makes total sense. It really does.

A: But if the heart is closed or closed off or protected...it would certainly be harder to experience those worlds. And you don't necessarily have to be full of love all the time. Love is a spectrum of color. But...it's harder to see color when all is grey or black and white.

K: Totally.

A: Hello Sharon. (Waves a little. Sharon just said hi.)

K: So when I'm doing this meditation, it's funny because I feel all head fuzzy zingy and really tickly in my forehead...plus there's a pressure under that...sort of in the middle of my brain.

A: Yes.

K: While by body feels empty. Not in a bad way. It feels very light. It feels very free. It's like, I'm...okay, I'm just going to say it...I'm dancing naked.

A: (laughs hard) Isn't it the best!

K: It's totally the best!!! It just started happening. It's like free form. Like my physical is just sort of sitting there all heavy and stuff but there's me...inside...that's dancing naked and the two of them combined is just light and easy and grace and playful.

A: Your spirit...longs to play. It really does. Your soul is that extension that is stuck in that shell but it, too, longs to play because it is attached to us (spirit)...here. It wants the lightness and the freedom to do that. When you connect to that, you are connecting to colors. You're connecting to light and ease. You're connecting to love. Love is that...easy play time. It's not serious. And it's the easy road to that connection to spirit.

K: Can the throat stop that?

A: When you feel like dancing naked...(smiles) the throat is the expression of that. Now, to those that read my words...find the perfect time and place to dance naked. Not everyone would agree with seeing that.

K: I guess not.

A: But...the expression is the creativity being unleashed. It is the song. It is the writing. It is the paint. It's not just the voice. When there is creative expression and it's unleashed...the road to the third eye is clear. No rain, no snowstorm, no flat tire.

K: So it's all combined.

A: Yes. Okay. Creativity starts in the sacral chakra.

K: Yes.

A: But a person must feel safe to feel that creativity...in whatever way that presents itself.

K: Yes.

A: That's the root. So the root allows safety in creativity. The solar plexus is the power and the where-with-all to actually put that into action. It bubbles up to the heart where you love it. You feel good about it. You're in love with who you are and what you want to be that comes to the throat as expression which paves the way to the third eye as...you might say you're allowing yourself to see more. And it works both ways. The chakras don't necessarily always come up and out. They can come down and through the body as well. Two way street. (shows two fingers)

K: Cool. Totally get that. Simon showed me his light body with his chakras. Like holy crap Christmas tree.

A: Yes. It's quite a sight.

K: I was reading that some of the things that the third eye requires to reveal that sight need grounding and cleared ego and cleared emotions yadda yadda yadda. That sounds very root chakra to me.

A: Some is.

K: When the third eye is open, we tend to think that we start seeing everything that we would label as good or heavenly. Is that always the case?

A: No. It's not always the case. Because love...it's that spectrum...(widening arms as an example) and when your third eye is open, you are then able to see that whole spectrum. So you will see the dark as well as the light. You will see the shadow. You will be confronted with things that aren't necessarily good...to the human perspective. So, when you see these things, because all universes have things that are not always pleasant...where will your ego go? Will it go into fear? Will your heart feel anger? Will your love be tested and continue to see everything as creation? If you want your third eye to be open but aren't prepared for what that means or you can hold space in your heart for what you would consider darker, stranger things...are you really ready to be fully open and aware? These are all things that are taken into consideration. Would you be able to look at something that you would consider dark and atrocious and be able to see it as we would...as spirit would, with the eyes of color...of love? That things are as they are for a purpose? All of this...to look with the eyes of love...this is the heart. This is the heart connection with the third eye. The third eye is the connection to all that you are...The I Am and is that based in judgement? It's not. So you see, there are many things that your spirit considers before working with you to open it all. For some...they are able to see all of that which is dark or scary but they also have the understanding that there isn't much they can do about it as one singular being and so they ask to be shown different things. Things...even if dark...that they can change or love or have compassion for as the human they are. That is the responsibility of the one that wishes to have full sight. They can see but they can also work with what they see and ask their guides and angels to show them only what they can do something about...what they can help.

K: Got it. And that's the grounding part.

A: It's the power part. It's the lower chakra part that people neglect because they wish to have full sight. Full sight is the responsibility of the whole energy of the body and not just those upper chakras. It's a team effort of all of them. Balance...equilibrium. It's the only words we have.

K: I totally get where you're coming from with the whole...that heart energy has to be expanded when you're ready to see things because if you only want to see the good or the love than you're ignoring that whole spectrum and if you want to see the dark and be okay with those things, you have to be able to hold compassion and non-judgement...for the most part...because when you see with the Eye of Horus...you get it all.

A: Everything.

K: Does it happen in stages?

A: It does. You spoke to Ryker about clearing and cutting.

K: We did.

A: Same with the heart. The world is...it can be a monster. So the heart feels that and it sort of shrinks away from itself. But to clear...we can clear when we're angry or frustrated. For sure we can. That's easy but you were also told about filling those gaps with healing.

K: Yeah.

A: Because when healed, you can then see why. Why did that person have such an effect on me? Why did that situation cause me to become so doubtful of life? When you heal those cut space, you are then able to see the purpose of everything and you are able to accept without the judgement and this is love and when you feel that 'love' (finger quote) in that way, it expands the heart and it feeds that third eye space because that third eye space is about understanding the dynamics of the human life and seeing all points of view. It isn't just to see what will happen in the future and really, that's touch and go. It's used to be able to bring that same healing that you are able to give yourself...to others. By sharing what you see within and around them and intuitively being able to give them homework of what they could do to be able to heal their troubles while also supporting what's...highlighting their good points too. Because when you can see, you can see both sides and are able to see both sides to the benefit of a person and not the detriment.

K: Wow. This goes pretty deep.

A: It does. People think that psychic gifts are something to be used as a gain. But there is so much responsibility with them because when you open your various psychic awarenesses and talents...you are an advocate for us...for spirit and they are to be used responsibly and for the highest good of anyone that you come across and not as a gimmick.

K: Ouch.

A: Yes. Although, I see a change...I see a change where this is happening and it's such a breath air. For starters, to share information that people can use to help themselves...to release some fears and doubts in thought processes so they can live with more freedom. It's fun to share the light hearted playful things but there is a balance. Psychic awareness is work and it's practice to keep but it's also allowing that heart space to open and be okay with that vulnerability that that brings.

K: I am seeing self-love all over the place. Is that the first thing?

A: A person is a lot more willing to love another or come from a place of neutrality with the world around them when they actually like or love what they see in the mirror. I would say...give yourself a break. A big break. (exaggerates big) I've heard you say that it's become a little cliché...the whole self-love thing?

K: Yeah.

A: Okay. What about believing yourself to be pretty cool. What about thinking of yourself as being pretty okay; that everything you did during your day was the best you thought you could do and closing your eyes at night believing that was sort of giving yourself a pat on the back in the self-like department. Would that maybe put an everyday spin on it?

K: Yes.

A: So when you give yourself a break like that, you don't worry that you didn't do enough or you don't worry that your zipper was undone for the whole day or you don't worry that...oh I don't know...your joke was taken the wrong way. Let's stay 'small' (finger quote).

K: (laughing) Yeah. You don't really worry about the small stuff. You just know that you did the best you could; even if you were in a bad mood.

A: You see the errors easily and you make plans to amend whatever it is you feel you did and there's peace there.

K: Yeah.

A: Giving yourself a break is a huge start to self-love and self-care and the reflection in the mirror doesn't seem so bad and that's when you can actually start looking yourself in the eye and telling yourself you're loved. You're special. You're okay. As you do this...you can give others a break and see the same things in them and low and behold...you can begin to see more and more as this self-care or self-love...however you want to call it, begins to defog that third eye. Because you begin to hold less judgement with yourself and others and you can find the good in every situation even if it's not the best. You start seeing as we do. As well, when you start to express these things in positive ways...that throat area...the area of self-expression in action begins to clear which makes the way to that connection even less riddled with obstruction.

K: (sighs) Holy poop.

A: Yes. People wish to be all seeing. Okay. Do the work. It's not just diet and fluoride in the water. There's a lot more to it than that.

K: And meditation is just a part of that.

A: Yes. Just a part but when you feel that...when you have those experiences in meditation...it's just proof that those physical sensations are possible in the everyday.

K: Totally. But...dancing naked...save it for closed doors.

A: Yes....Singing might be better. Although....sometimes that should be done behind closed doors too.

K: Mateo can't sing. He tries. He sings all the time.

A: Yes.

K: But I always tell him how proud I am of that because at least he does it.

A: Yes. For sure.

K: His mother...not so much.

A: Can't sing?

K: Not a note.

A: (laughs) I can relate. I wasn't perfect in that department either but I did it. I enjoyed it.

K: So as much as I try to connect the heart and the third eye...it's also important to note the whole of the chakra system and all those specific jobs as well.

A: Very much.

K: Does that ever become perfect?

A: How so?

K: Are we ever 100% in the chakra department?

A: There are perfect alignments. Yes. There are. And it's these moments of pure...ecstasy. Enjoyment. Healing. You feel completely healed and like you're floating on air. But as you float on the air, your feet remain connected to the ground and you are thankful. This is perfect alignment. It can be thrown off and that's okay. It doesn't mean you've fallen off your path. It's usually the outside world that has thrown you something you weren't expecting. Again, cut yourself a break. There are bad days and there are good days but maintain that thought or that idea of coming back to center. You will feel good and you will feel bad but always bring it back to neutral. Neutral is where ALL is. It's where everything resides. That's full sight.

K: Cool. I'm sure there could be more.

A: (laughs) There's so much more.

K: Thought so.

A: But that's good for now. I have to confess something to you.

K: Okey doke.

A: I was told to keep you busy.

K: Really?

A: Yes. I was told to keep you preoccupied so you didn't go into overthinking.

K: By who?

A: Paul.

K: I KNEW IT!!!!

A: I'm just not sure how busy I could keep you. I was just as honest with him. Although...I don't think he thought I would admit that.

K: I appreciate your honesty but I can't channel 24/7.

A: No. I'm afraid not.

K: I just saw a head tossed back and a slap on the forehead.

A: Yes. There's not much that can be hidden from you.

K: I could retaliate.

A: (laughs softly) Yes.

K: Maybe I'll just stay in that whole...it's not happening mindset.

A: (cringes while smiling) Really?

K: Yeah. I think so. Thank you Audrey. See you soon.

A: Bye Kimberly. See you soon. I may toss you a bone here and there.

K: Yeah. Be my eyes okay?

A: And ears. Don't worry.

K: Women unite! I asked Sharon too but he's MIA there also. He's just showing her snippets.

A: I'll see what I can find out.

K: Awesome. (singing it...albeit very badly)

A: (blows a kiss and is off)

Conversations with Erik Medhus – Messages from Spirit

I don't channel Erik a lot. I leave that for the blog members or whatever to do but he's like a little brother to me and I do get together with him once in a while just to re-connect. Today he wanted to channel. No problem. I've been getting visitors left, right and center and quite frankly...it's great. Love the company. Today, Erik's talking about the messages we get from Spirit.

E: Yup yup yup yup...yup.

K: You sound like a Sesame Street alien.

E: Yup...word...wood...Yup...Burb...

K: What?

E: Yip yip yip....yuuuup.

K: (laughing) What's up?

E: Nothin'.

K: Nothing's up?

E: Nothing important.

K: Cool. How's life.

E: Life is good. Life is life. Life is lived. Life is...forever.

K: Philosophical now?

E: I've been hanging with some. It's been...interesting. Can't say that I always get what they're saying. I'm like, talk a little English man.

K: If I were to talk to Plato or...Aristotle or...God knows...I can't see that going very far because I'd be just...mouth hung open and not able to follow those thought forms.

E: Like that cartoon speech bubble that just keeps growing but can't read it because I'm dyslexic.

K: Totally like that. How's mom?

E: Mom's good. Workin' workin'. Never quits.

K: It's a good cause.

E: Yeah.

K: Got an email today that got me wondering.

E: Yeah?

K: Got me wondering about the messages we get from Spirit.

E: (rubs his face) It's like...try to follow along please because we don't just talk to talk out of our asses. We actually have something pretty important to say.

K: Talking out of one's ass would be equivalent to...?

E: Farts.

K: (laughs) Good. I'm glad we got that defined. True though.

E: I think it's just...people get into science experiment mode but instead of a frog, they dissect our messages wanting to hear something different or something that would make it easier.

K: What easier?

E: Just struggles or...if there's loads of questions they don't want more questions. They just want the answers but even when we give the answers they question them because when they want help from Spirit, it's more about what they can forget about and not have to deal with head on. If they deal with life head on...it sort of smacks you right dead center. I can't believe how offended people get or how mad people get when they don't get what they expected to hear.

K: Yeah. It's like...the messages get so offensive by the reaction of the receiver. But why is that?

E: Because they get their backs up about it. They think that they're being told off or told that they're not doing a great job at whatever because they're not hearing the congratulations or the fucking horns or seeing the confetti. They're getting...Okay. Now you have to do this.

K: I think there are people, including me, that only want to look down a one way street and have that street present a certain way but when Spirit throws in that two way street it's like...we have to duck inside of ourselves because we just can't deal with what's coming at us. We just never wanted to look.

E: But we're here to warn you about what's coming or what could make what's coming work in your favor but sometimes to be in your favor...you have to do the work for that. Just because you were given a hint about what's coming doesn't mean you have to put your life on hold to make sure it comes. If a person puts their life on hold, waiting for some prediction to come...they actually push it further away. If you have a goal, you have to work for it. I'm not coming in to shine your shoes and present a silver tray. No, man. That's not how it works. People didn't come into this life to just float on by without putting in the work. And when someone sees that someone is getting their wish list fulfilled they assume a lot and get into jealousy but the ones that put the work into dreams and believe in them (dreams) are the ones that they're going to come true for. The ones that have a fuckin' decent attitude about what's coming and going in their lives are gonna see the dreams come true. See, I like working with those people. The people that just tell me...what do I gotta do to get here and they fuckin' do it. It's not the people that say, what will you do for me to get me here. That's not how it works and when Spirit can't tell them what we can do to get them to a certain point in their lives...they get mad or they doubt and say we're fake and we don't exist and they continue on the same road; that same one way street wondering why they can't get to where they want to go. That two way street...it brings gifts; gifts of experiences that propel you into a state of wish fulfillment. Even the tough stuff. People think the tough shit gives them nothing but problems but if you're sitting in the middle of the problem...it's up to you to get out of it. We can help with that. We can give you big clues and sometimes people want that quick fix. I'll tell you a secret about quick fixes. If you want the quick fix...keep an open mind. Quit arguing and be willing to pull up your fuckin' socks to get into the dirt of it.

K: I find that there's a lot of assumption when it comes to what Spirit can do and I feel like Spirit sometimes becomes the face of struggle or problems in a person's life. Or it's easy to blame a Spirit for the problems in a life because you were the ones to tell them information in the first place.

E: People are impatient. Just because we say something doesn't mean we can make things happen in a snap or the blink of an eye. We show you things so you can start taking responsibility for what's happening because if something is happening in your life that you don't like...get out of blame. Take responsibility. Like, we've told people to get off the sugar or we've told people to get moving or we've told people to go back to school. Whatever it is that we've told people...we don't just tell them to make it worse. If people want to listen to the advice of spirit, they'll know there's a process involved. That's why people come to Spirit. It's because they want to be in the know about future stuff but even if you knew all the future predictions...truth comes true if you're willing to step out of what you're living and step into the life you want without arguing. Fucking arguing...because I give myself to people just to argue that what I say is too hard or too much or can't be done. If I'm telling someone something can be done it's because I can see that it can be done. I got that bird's eye view and I can see all these potentials and if you're coming to see me, that's why. But if you're arguing, then you can only see your potentials that are negative or that are hard or that make you uncomfortable and you may as well stay there until you're actually ready to consider something, outside of yourself, actually has a lot to say...and it's true.

K: Then let's talk about the translators. If people find your message uncomfortable to give...do they manipulate it to suit feeling better about giving it or not wanting to deal with a pissed off client?

E: All the time. It happens all the time. Or if the person's looking confused because they can't understand the message or if the client keeps saying, that's not true...that's not me...then there's some translators that will panic and try to cover it up. It does happen and with both parties feeling flustered...done. (swipes his hands in an 'over' fashion) Over.

K: How do we take the messages from Spirit as something that maybe won't be so hard to work at or won't be so hard to live even though, to the ears, it sounds impossible or the results aren't what we thought they would be? Some people say take them (the messages) with a grain of salt and just do what you're going to do anyway.

E: Then why did you bother booking with a medium?

K: (shrugs) Beats me.

E: A person sort of has to take the message like...it's being offered out of complete care and love for the human being. Because we can actually step into their shoes. We can actually experience what they are in the blink of an eye and by doing that...we know what the people need and what would work the best. Sometimes we do give information that seems daunting or impossible but the people that are hearing it or reading it...they take it as this huge encompassing mountain that has to be summited in the next three days. No way. It's the little steps in the direction and when the little steps are taken with an open mind...that's when you see...Oh yeah, Erik was totally right about that. I can see where he's coming from. It's because that person took those steps out of their box or their comfort zone or whatever.

K: Makes sense. What would you tell mediums that are getting flustered with clients that just aren't resonating with the messages that they're giving?

E: Remain totally impartial. Remain completely disconnected. The reaction isn't about what you're saying. It's the attitude of the client. So stay in that neutrality because usually mediums are empaths and if you get sucked into another person's reaction...it's over. Because then you're blinded by the same blindfold the other one has on and it's so hard to push past that barrier once it's on.

K: Some people get really angry or they lash out because of the messages that they're given.

E: Sometimes they have to have a meltdown to be able to see clearly. That anger or that meltdown is usually to burn something away. Guaranteed, the client that had the meltdown...in a couple of days...are gonna feel like assholes.

K: Why?

E: Because the temper or the reaction was the dynamite to clear away the debris and make a person actually see what the hell is really going on.

K: That's cool. Do you find that people need to have the arguments with Spirit?

E: With any relationship, there will be arguments but mostly people just have to voice it to let themselves listen to their own words. If they internalize their frustrations with life or Spirit, it gets trapped because those emotions are like quick sand or tar. But if it's aired out...people hear themselves and they can also hear what's not being said, which is usually us, that's countering what you're arguing about. So it's that push pull that happens with anyone. It's just that it's usually over faster than if it was between human and human because we don't have that ego that keeps us in resentment over the other person's words. We have...Fine. I'll leave you to it. Call me later.

K: How do we become our own messenger?

E: Quit being so scared about what you'll hear. People get worried that what they hear will be the worst thing they could and so they quickly change that to what they fantasize or wish about. Be open to hearing truth. And be open to hearing us in any way that we can get your attention. And be open to receiving that Jack-in-the-Box where you twist the handle but don't know when the clown is going to pop out. Be okay with that anything is possible answer because we see the anything is possible and we don't work in time. We don't wear fucking watches. We work in that timing where everything will start looking or appearing...coming up roses when you actually plant the seeds and water them. You can get the messages but those are the packet of seeds. You can't get carrots without planting the seeds. It's that first step.

K: Carrots?

E: Roses...whatever. You can't get the thing without doing the thing.

K: Vague but I get it. I was reading about this medium that started acting...play-yah.

E: Yes.

K: She used illness as an excuse for her wait list which is fine. Could have been. But to get a reading with her seemed fairly wishy washy.

E: If a person wants to do this work...they have to take the best care of their body, minds, hearts and energy as they can. They have to heal. They have to know they aren't superheroes and can only do so much. They have to maintain themselves enough emotionally, mentally and physically so they don't get blinded by that light of...popularity or celebrity or being more than what they could be because so many people come to them. You have to respect your gifts and your talents enough to know when you need a break and when you need to stop...forever. It's only fair. If you don't honor yourself enough to be able to honor another person in the same way...it's going to snowball in a direction that makes you look bad when the only intention in the beginning was to be helpful. You have to be honest with yourself and you have to be honest with others and if you can't do a reading...don't do it. Don't just take money on the off chance that maybe one day you'll be able to get to it. That's disrespecting your clients. That's going to make you in a rush to get that line of people smaller and so the quality won't be there and then you'll be in more of a situation than you were before. Seriously, it's not a fucking popularity contest and it's not a contest period. Do the work you can do and if you can't...have the balls enough to say no because in that no...you're honoring yourself and your limits. You also want to take care of yourself so you don't start using your filter. If you're taking advantage of the fact that you got a waiting list a year or two long...and you're not taking care of yourself...to shrink that list or make up for what people aren't getting...you'll be tempted to use short cuts. Social media can offer them. That's what it's there for; to let anyone look into a life. So that temptation won't even exist if you take care of your whole self and know that you're helping people and...helping spirit from that place of integrity and respect for everyone and not just to get a leg up in a world that is so competitive and...it can be fucking cruel.

K: Agreed. Very competitive and can be cruel.

E: So you just gotta play the game how you saw yourself playing it. It's like...why did a person start helping other people with their lives...their spirits? It's usually because they wanted to allow people to feel how they do which is pretty decent. But if you don't feel decent...how are you going to offer that to others and if you don't feel decent or you feel like you're in over your head...how are you going to be authentic.

K: Do you get a lot of people that argue with you?

E: Yeah. Instant gratification is a big factor in that. Big factor. Desperation is a factor too. People don't celebrate the small steps enough. People don't celebrate those little moments of...you know when you're doing the dishes or you're walking somewhere or you're watching t.v. and you think of someone or something in your life and your chest just...wants to break open with these loving feelings...like butterflies are dancing in your chest and it feels like it's expanding?

K: Yes. I know exactly what that feels like.

E: That's the movie trailer to the potential of your life or that's a moment of gratitude for what you're thinking about. Don't shrug it off. Say thank you or...say I love you back. Return it and those feelings will only grow when you acknowledge that they actually exist. You feel it here. (pats his chest) It's not the butterflies in the belly. It's the butterflies in the heart.

K: I love the butterflies in the heart. I love them. And they take a person by surprise sometimes.

E: It's the little surprises that make the journey...Okay. I can do this. It's those moments of butterflies that put a smile on someone's face that give 'em a taste of...Okay, that was totally worth it And I can do this.

K: What about hearing about someone else's reading and seeing parallels with your own journey and making someone else's story...yours or about you?

E: Sometimes we do that on purpose because the message was more for the other person but the other person would never get a reading so we sort of get the person that did have a reading, share the information but...people make other people's stories about them all the time. It's like they need something to feel shitty about or more shitty about or question themselves more. But if they didn't go into all of that...if they just stayed neutral and didn't need the spotlight on them...jealousy...here's the thing about jealousy or here's the thing about making someone's life about them...it's going to happen to you too so hold on and keep your panties on. If a person just sits in jealousy or if they make someone's shit about them....you're not willing to live your story and so you won't. Period. You won't see how good you got it or you won't be able to see that you have the same thing...it just looks different or you won't be willing to move on into your story because you want another person's story so bad. It's coming. All the big a-ha's...they all come. It's just it's happening to another person faster because they're willing to take a hard look at themselves or they're willing to take the steps towards a goal. We're just the hints and sometimes the hints can be heavy. People need to stop comparing themselves to other people...good or bad situations. They have to quit comparing. If you want to work on something or if you want to achieve something...just do it. Personal is best. And wallowing...it won't get you anywhere. You'll stay stuck. You'll stay in what you want to wallow about. Even if you got the best reading and messages from spirit...if you're still wallowing in what you didn't get or what you didn't hear...you'll stay in that place, guaranteed.

K: Cool. I see that. I saw you hanging out this morning but I wasn't sure what you wanted to talk about until you gave me some heavy hints. But really, I think we were just talkin'.

E: Yeah. When friends drop in on friends...it's just better to talk. Let it fly.

K: Let it fly. You were very well behaved today.

E: Yeah. Aren't I always, though?

K: Depends on who you 're talking to.

E: (smiles) I still got it. You don't ruffle as much as you used to.

K: Depends on the day.

E: I don't think so.

K: That and, I mean, Simon and Ryker?

E: Ha! They don't scare me.

K: They scare me.

E: What if I told you that you scare them. They cringe if they feel that...what does Grayson say? Firecracker?

K: FYI, Ryker does it on purpose because he likes it and Simon just waits. Which is sooooo irritating. He just waits in his indifference and his all-knowing. Which is worse? Really? Putting me to bed or watching me as I finish with whatever I'm whining about?

E: He does it on purpose, Kim!!! He totally does that on purpose. I think he times recovery. He's like...(welsh accent) That lasted one second less than the previous outburst. Well done.

K: Like I'm some sort of racehorse?

E: Yes!

K: My God. Love him though.

E: Yeah. He's great.

K: Anything else on messages from Spirit.

E: Nah. People know this stuff already. It's if they're actually willing to consider it.

K: Very true. I mean...personally, I'm put in that position all the time. Considering that possibly, Erik Medhus makes a little bit of sense...sometimes.

E: How 'bout all the time.

K: Cocky?

E: Yeah. I worked for that label.

K: (laughing) There is only one of you and you are loved. Thank you.

E: I love you, Kim.

K: Love you, Erik.

E: See ya.

K: See ya.

Conversations with Benjamin Cole Brown - Imagination

It's Friday! It's Friday! It's been a rather long week. Could be the cold...probably the cold. Whatever made it long...I'm so happy it's Friday. So to celebrate, let's talk to Benjamin Cole and let's make it fun. I don't want to learn or be taught another way of looking at myself under a microscope or to "look deeper". I want to look beyond and actually go beyond. So to do that...let's talk about imagination.

K: You're hangin' around a bit. What's up?

B: (shrugs) Just wanted to hang out.

K: Cool. How's this morning?

B: The morning's okay. How's your morning?

K: It's good. I feel happy happy today.

B: That's good.

K: What's on your mind, Benjamin Cole?

B: (grins) You know what?

K: What?

B: You're one of the few that will get away with calling me Benjamin Cole.

K: Why's that?

B: Because when you say it, it feels like a hug.

Melting heart.

K: Aw. Cutie.

B: And thanks for hanging out last night. It was fun.

K: It was fun.

B: I also have to send my apologies to Nicole and Cathie.

K: Why?

B: Because on Sunday...I couldn't come in. But I just wanted to let them know that I did hear them and I did feel them but sometimes...it just can't happen. So, I'm sorry I couldn't chat but...it's Kim's fault.

K: What? Hey now.

B: Well it is.

K: Dude! You can spread yourself thin. I have a little trouble with that.

B: (grins) I know. But still...

K: Fine. I guess Simon and Stirling needed to show up Sunday.

B: It's cool. I mean Chris was there too but the moment called for Simon and Stirling. That's how it works sometimes.

K: Yeah. I felt Chris around.

B: So...(clasping his hands between his knees) want to do a talk?

K: We could do a talk. You want to do a talk?

B: I could do a talk.

K: Let's do something fun though.

B: It's all fun.

K: I know but let's do something a little...lighter.

B: What did you have in mind?

K: Let's talk about imagination.

B: Okay. Sure. Let's talk. It's awesome.

K: It is.

B: When I was human...you know...with all the skin and bones and stuff...

K: I got it. I know what a human is.

B: Good. 'Cause...I was starting to wonder.

K: Well, I'm reminded daily.

B: (chuckles) I had that vision. I had that goal. I did use imagination. I mean...that's how you...that's how you make that vision come alive but I could've been more imaginative.

K: How so?

B: Because vision is focus and focus is like you have that destination and you get there only this way. (uses his hands to point to a place away from him) But imagination pulls out all the stops. It's like...what's possible...what's not possible but you make it possible because in imagination...there's no stopping. It just flows.

K: Yeah.

B: It's...there's no cap to what you can imagine even though...if you were to try to bring those daydreams down to the earth you walk on...it can't be done. Not because it's not possible but because you bring those worlds you see in your mind...that's a part of heaven and heaven...a lot of heaven can't be anchored to earth. Like flying or superpowers in the way people would think of them.

K: Or you're living a life and you imagine another but you're meant to live this one for sure.

B: That just means that there's something in your life that's not making you happy and you just don't feel like you can change it so you escape it through your imagination which is sometimes only just thinking...thinking of a way out.

K: So vision is more... focused.

B: Vision is like...you have these ideas or epiphanies or dreams that are able to be created with a little hard work and faith. That's vision. It's ideas plus faith with a sprinkle of hard work. And sometimes a vision can be shared and that's the team effort. Sometimes a vision was thought to be shared but it really wasn't...one person works more at it than the others...but then that collaborative vision sort of was attracted to the one player and they create it even better than a team because they were willing to live that equation of idea plus faith with a sprinkle of action. Vision is really...what can I give of myself to create something that would benefit a whole. People can get confused when talking about a vision that they want to...live because they have that excitement about it but then it just becomes a dream because that idea...they've lost that faith and they've lost that willingness to actually jump on it and start.

K: So then imagination...

B: It's play time. It's where people love to go. There's no duty there. There's no...goal to make or wish to create and you have to have that blood sweat and tears mentality that sometimes a vision takes on. It's a vacation for the mind.

K: Some people start to imagine things and then they think that it's so ridiculous that they stop those fantasies because...I don't know.

B: Really practical people have trouble...giving themselves permission to dream anything bigger than what they know. Because...and it's not because they can't...it's just that they...they know practical.

K: So then are those practical people more visionaries?

B: Yeah. I mean...they like to have fun but they're the people that earth needs to carry out those big a-ha's or lightbulb moments and actually create them.

K: But people are more of a mix of the two.

B: For sure.

K: And...the creative part of a visionary has to have some imagination.

B: No human being cannot have just the littlest bit of imagination. Because we all want better for ourselves or we all think what could be. We all have that connection to heaven that lets us in on what the place is like. Imagination is sort of a doorway to remembering...where a person comes from. Imagination has this infinite factor where anything is possible. The visionary takes that theme of anything is possible...takes one or two ideas from that...that are more tangible and creates that life or that opportunity on earth. But if they sat in daydreams all the time...the visionary wouldn't...they'd just be a dreamer.

K: You're showing me Leonardo Da Vinci.

B: He was a visionary. He took those ideas that he got from "Heaven" (finger quote) and he built them.

K: You were a visionary.

He gives me the biggest heart squeeze.

B: Thanks Kim.

K: You were. You took something that you thought was important and created it and shared it. You joined an organization but really took the theme of it and made it move more in this direction...I mean it grew with what you saw it could be. You took that could be and made it what it is and people still live and work with that organization by your example. It's really cool.

B: (grins) Thank you.

K: It's not hard to notice. Staying in imagination?

B: You can. It's play time. It's acting silly. It's...creating anything and playing that out and enjoying that. You know how kids can go to a playground and imagine that they're...I don't know...superheroes or something?

K: Yes.

B: It doesn't have to be real but they're acting it out so it is real and they're expressing and they're enjoying...it's a break from school or having to be practical. I mean...adults do this too. Mind you...I think people would be committed if they're playing in a playground with strange kids with a cape on. That or arrested.

K: True.

B: But you get what I'm saying. It's playtime.

K: But what about the people that cut it off and think that what they're imagining is dumb. They get all shy about what people can't even see.

B: What's that? (cups his ear)

K: Shy about what they see.

B: Say again.

Teasing me.

K: Frig off.

B: I think it's just a...situation of permission. Give yourself the okay to dream anything. You know what? If you give yourself permission to dream anything...you're not restricting infinity. The fact that a person tries to restrict infinity is the uncomfortable part. It's not the visions that are playing out in the mind. Plus...they're humanizing daydreams that are coming from my side. You can't humanize that stuff. Anything can happen in regards to infinity and it's not duality and it's not restrictive. So if you want to utilize that imagination more...don't humanize it. Yeah...you'll imagine as a human so it will look like human stuff but restricting something that's...like Anton was talking about...restricting something that's quantum like imagination...it just can't be done and that's why people get shy about it because it can have that forever factor or that big factor or that WTF, in a good way, factor but it's cut off because it's not human...it's not realistic so it's dumb.

K: Got it.

B: Imagination...fantasy...it's not dumb. That's where...movies are made...stories are told...Game of Thrones is as big as it is because it's that guy's imagination that became real. He didn't limit himself with his imagination and it's what? Ten books now?

K: I don't know. Seven? Five. I checked.

B: I mean...it seems like a lot more. From where I am...those books...the worlds that were created and still exist just because people can't get enough...it's infinite.

K: Wait a second...

B: Sure.

K: They exist?

B: Yes.

K: What?

B: You want to know what happens when people write?

K: Yes! Now I do!

B: You write a story...those pages exist on some level for you. That place and time exists and if you were to astral travel or something...it exists for your...heaven because you created it. But when you're finished writing the book...you think about it once in a while but you're not living that story so it sort of becomes this memory.

K: Yes. I get that.

B: Game of Thrones...think about it...it's not just the author's energy that's feeding it. Now it's the fans of it. It exists. It's really this huge thing because it's...through George's words that people are giving it that collaborative dreaming and making it very real. It's like...thought creates reality but every single time people dream about those places he created...it's still existing and it's still built on. I've been there.

K: You're blowing my freaking mind right now.

B: I mean...the show is good but to enter the mind of someone that writes like that...it's crazy. You can't even imagine. Dragons...the fact that he wrote about dragons gave them the invitation to live there. It's crazy, Kim. Your head would literally blow if I showed you all of that. I can show you images but the "reality" of it is way more.

K: The feelings you're giving me...I'm super stoked!!! Take me!!!

B: Say the word.

K: Will it stay?

B: Narnia has. The Shire has.

K: For real?

B: All these places that are given life through the collective consciousness...they live. The collective consciousness is the life support these worlds thrive on.

K: So if one day...Game of Thrones ended up in the bargain bin and even still...no one read it.

B: You know that scene in the Never Ending Story where the princess gives the kid a grain of sand and his wishes build up her world again? Fantasia.

K: Yes.

B: If the Game of Thrones or Harry Potter or Lord of the Rings went into the bargain bin...it would be a grain of sand and the only thing to make it big again would be the return of the collective consciousness to re-build.

K: I'm floored. I'm so floored. And I have to pee.

B: (laughing) I know. You've been holding it for a while because you can't take your eyes off what you're seeing. Go. I'll wait.

I know. Too much information.

K: Okay.

B: Okay.

K: I want to know the difference between imagination and the third eye visions that we get. Or...like I'm sitting with you right now so what's the difference between the scene or the chair that I'm seeing with my internal vision verses the imagination.

B: Good one.

K: Thank you.

B: So you're seeing me as a person that's sitting in this chair talking to you like I would be sitting in your living room.

K: Yes.

B: Do you see you?

K: No. I see you. I know I'm looking at you but I see you and your surroundings.

B: Right. So that's the biggest thing. Your third eye...viewing is still seeing stuff that maybe other people can't see...but you don't see you. It's like going for a walk and you see what's around you but you don't see yourself walking.

K: Yes.

B: In imagination...you see yourself in these different scenarios...places but you're watching yourself. You're the star of some show or you're the character in a book or whatever it is...you see it like you were watching it as an audience member. That's imagination.

K: Cool. So dreaming at night...

B: It's the same thing as daydreaming. You're seeing yourself in these situations but...on some level...they are happening and it's on that quantum level and I love that you and Anton had that talk because now it's easier for me to use that word and people would actually understand.

K: I know, right!!!! He made it so understandable.

B: Now the language and the words change which makes it easier for us to be able to speak with everyone because now they sort of have that "better" understanding or can sort of get where we're coming from.

K: It's awesome. Is there a difference between imagination and fantasy?

B: (shrugs) I mean...not really. I think that for the person...fantasy is more...imagination is relatable...I think that you take this real life you're living and making it bigger or what you want. I think fantasy is just kicking it up a notch. Like living something...like the Game of Thrones type thing.

K: So driving a nice shiny new car rather than riding dragons.

B: Exactly.

K: Is there a line that's crossed...like living in daydreams or imagination too much?

B: Um...I think playing often is a really good thing but I think if you find yourself avoiding what you're living...then it's becoming an issue. Because like anything...it's meant to enhance...it's not meant to take over. When someone is living this dream world over and over again...probably should get checked out by a doctor. Could be a disassociate disorder.

K: Really.

B: Yeah...I mean...people that read this and just run with it...don't self-diagnose. That's not what we're promoting because when you have these psych disorders...you usually don't really know what's up. You just know that something's not right. If someone's telling you to get your head out of the clouds...it's usually because you're not paying attention and there's no action behind the imagination; like talking to people that aren't there or whatever.

K: Psychology and psychiatry are really intriguing to me. The mind is such a complex thing. But do we use our minds to imagine or is it something else?

B: (smiles and winks) It's something else. It's the quantum. It's...the brain is working but it's not working in the red. The scan is all green and blue. It's another level. It's...it's the crown (pointing a finger to the top of his head) and the eye...opening.

K: Wow. Super cool. It's hard to write what you're showing me. Almost like sacred geometry.

B: It's because the playtime happens...with the subconscious...with that part of you that's like me.

K: Part of the whole psychic development or refresher because we all have it...

B: Yeah.

K: Does it have to do with allowing the imagination?

B: Absolutely. If there's no imagination...the psychic thing just won't...it's hard. If you don't allow yourself to dream and think those what if thoughts or put yourself in a place that's not the "norm"...that faith and belief...it's squished. It's the gum on the street that's just spit out.

K: For real?

B: Yeah, for real.

K: But we all have that ability. It's in all of us.

B: Yeah. It is but if you live in practicality...you said in a coaching the other day...it's all about this fine balance between logic and intuition. The visionaries had a little more logic...the dreamers...Kim, what's the word I'm looking for?

K: It's not renascence.

B: No. That's just another word for visionary.

K: But it's hard because it is on that fine line and visionaries were dreamers whether you think so or not, Cole...you had that dream that created the vision. It was only for a better world or a utopian...almost society.

B: I know but the dreamers that...can we say romantics without it being sexualized?

K: Oh yeah. Totally. I mean...I talked to Mr. Da Vinci and he didn't come off as a romantic to me.

B: Yeah. God...this is tough. It's just a very fine line.

K: I get it.

B: And that's why the line is so fine. Because we all have the ability to imagine something different or better or out of this world and I really encourage people to allow that for themselves because it really is taking that idea of a child playing and using that for us. Children playing...is a learning opportunity to create something out of nothing and having fun doing it. There's nothing to say that adults can't do that too and just imagine what could come out of that.

K: You're showing me that imagination comes easily. It's not forced.

B: It's not forced. It comes naturally. It's the lullaby before sleep.

K: Aw. That's such a cozy feeling. I love that. Thank you.

B: And when you imagine...daydream...it's easy for people like us to enter that and communicate with you in that way.

K: How do you know you're forcing it though...or almost begging.

B: Headache.

K: Headache?

B: It's just a way for me to say...you're doubting or feel stupid or you're obsessing. (snaps his fingers) That's it Kim!

K: Obsession?

B: That's the difference. If you're obsessing over your fantasies...no...no no no. It's taking over what you're living.

K: But how do we know we're obsessing?

B: When you obsess over something...it just doesn't feel good. There's all these questions surrounding it or you get pissed off at the interruption of actual human and life interaction...you sort of get to this point of closing yourself off completely and becoming that hermit or that person that's an island.

K: No person's an island.

B: But if you're obsessing over a fantasy or something you imagine...you're making yourself one.

K: What about using it. Like writing or journaling.

B: Yeah. I mean...the best writers...the best movie makers...they took that...dream...scene...and turned it into something...even if they didn't share it...they made something out of nothing. When that takes off...Kim and I go to Winterfell.

K: So it's not only build it and they will come. It's dream it and they will come too.

B: Yeah. Daydreaming or imagination is just...it's just leaving the door open to the incredible.

K: Thank you.

B: You talked to Marvin Gaye, right?

K: Yeah. A long time ago.

B: Thanks for last night.

K: Thank you.

B: Busy day?

K: Yeah. I've been really busy. Sort of wearing a few different hats but it's okay. That's what a multitasker does.

B: Don't tire yourself out though.

K: Trust me. I've come to a lot of a-ha's since January 1st. Favor?

B: Anything.

K: I need intel.

Silence as he reads my mind.

B: No way, Kim!

K: Come on. Pppppllllleeeeaaaasssseeee.

B: No way. It's Ryker!

K: I know it's Ryker.

B: No.

K: So doing me a favor...any favor...you just lied to me.

B: I can't do it, Kim.

K: He scares you.

B: He doesn't scare me.

K: He freaks you out a little.

Playfully glares.

B: I'll talk to him.

K: He can't know!

B: Trust me. And by the way...he probably already does.

K: Fine. You win.

B: Let me make a "call".

K: Okay.

B: I'll be back.

K: See you.

B: Soon.

Gone.

Conversations with Spirit Guide Richard – The Linearization of Soul Groups/Lineage/Rays/Realms

I have decided that what brings me the most...satisfaction is coming out of spiritual closets and wearing my soul on my sleeve to actually be able to share all of this whacked out information. I'm finding that what I'm seeing or reading on the internet...while sometimes true and sometimes not so true...just doesn't encompass the whole thing for me and while it is what it is...I just want to find out the extra umph...what's not being said. I can't translate it all. I can while I learn bits and pieces and while I learn that...I'd like to share it, if that's okay with you. This has always been my personal journey and these conversations have always been personal for me. I can generalize it only so much for readers so they can understand this information as well but souls...spirit...these paths are just so personal and individual which makes people just as unique and special. I'm here to remind you just how unique and special all of you are through my journey. Richard is my celestial dad. Ryker is my celestial brother. I have a sister that I haven't met yet, Tabitha, and I have a celestial mother who introduced herself as Karleen because I couldn't pronounce her real name so that was her name on her last incarnation to Earth. So today, I talked with "dad" who, by the way, has never been human like his "son". These are just terms that I use to maybe paint a picture. The actuality of what I'm learning is way more "out there". When we were first introduced...my God did Richard ever irritate the shit out of me. I did that for him too. But, we're getting the hang of it. So, let's read a little bit about Richard's take on the origins of the soul. With anything of this nature...please use discernment. Even if you have been following my journey...I still encourage discernment.

R: I fear your physical mind will explode with the amount of confusion and things that just are not making sense to you.

K: Hey.

R: Hello.

K: It's like I can't even pinpoint this beginning or this end because it's all just this one big huge inner working or outer working...I guess.

R: Would you like assistance in figuring it out at a...beginner level?

K: Would you?

R: I would try.

K: I've had some questions about Rays and if someone is from one and another person is from another.

R: Yes.

K: But...it's not as simple as coming from or originating from some Ray or some planet or some Realm.

R: It's not. Humans tend to take for granted the diversity of their soul only clinging to one aspect of it as something better than another while disregarding that it is absolutely everything contained in a human vessel.

K: Oh boy.

R: It is this way of thinking because humans are only taught to think in one way and if there is more than one piece of information, it becomes too much and it becomes jumbled and cannot be intellectualized. What if, little one, it is not to be intellectualized because in trying to do so, you miss the bigger point.

K: Which is?

R: To live a human life and within that human life...contribute the whole of you to a larger divine plan. The information on your internet is limited and yet people cling to it as if it is the Holy Bible and are not willing to find out the deeper truth because they hail from only one ray of light. The human contains all rays. The human is a rainbow. Yes...the origins...a spirit is born of such and such origin but a spirit is still born as the rainbow because they are all of Prime Source. Prime Source does not hail from only one beginning. They are the beginning. So if a human were to identify that they were of Prime Source...would that, then, allow for more room to accept all of which they are?

K: I guess it would but we always want to find out the nitty gritty of our origins and I think that's fair. It's like getting our DNA tested to see which countries of Earth we have in our bodies so we have some sort of beginning or identity to connect with and maybe if we were able to connect with these beginnings, we'd then be way more open to more.

R: Or...you would only consider yourself Canadian and only toot that horn instead of acknowledging that 10% of you that is Jewish...as an example.

K: Yes. As an example.

R: Okay. So we know that a human being contains All That Is and Ever Was in their little shell of skin.

K: Yes.

R: But you wish to label it.

K: Well, not label it but explain more of it. Can we start with talking about starseed or earth angel or earth globetrotter?

R: Yes.

K: Aaaaannnnddddd....go.

R: Me?

K: Yes.

R: Okay...allow me to think for a moment. First off, the label you give yourself as a starseed or a indigo or a blue ray...it is not all you are.

K: Okay.

R: It is something to identify with as something you can give to the world in which you live.

K: Yes.

R: The children you call the crystal children or the rainbow children that are being born now have that...whole of the universe because the singular that the humans tend to label themselves as now are to pave the way for that. They know they are to encompass all.

K: Great.

R: Yes. I am aware the job has not been completed.

K: Hardly.

R: And, again, you believe that you are on some time clock that you must punch out before you die. Regardless of some self-imposed time clock...the crystals and the rainbows will understand their purpose through the dictations and the writings that they find from the very few that understand what needs to be shared.

K: Okay.

R: You feel all is lost if not everyone understands the complexities of the universe and all is not lost because these children that are being born are to carry that information and birth it in the way it is meant to be now.

K: But they are being influenced.

R: They are. But...they understand and they practice discernment more than those who raise them. This is the clash that parents feel. Because their children are willing to pull the truth out of the stories that these parents tell themselves and use to dictate the lives of the crystals and the rainbows that are the future of truth.

K: I feel like...parents of crystals or rainbows have a pretty tough job because they have to learn to trust in the weirdness of their kids and whatever some sort of teacher or counsellor or anything tells them...they listen to that while trying to understand the needs of these kids which not every facilitator can.

R: A new breed of human has their work cut out for them.

Something just clicked with me that Richard was just discussing with me last night.

K: A new breed of human.

R: Yes. You call them the black sheep. They are not...black but of the purest white with the purest of intentions that others are unable to see because it goes against the grain of what life is supposed to be. They are renegades and rebels of the finest cut. They are soldiers of the angelic realms. They are sparks of the rays. They were born for the purpose of creating earthquakes and shattering the old belief systems. They are parents of the crystals and the rainbows because they are the ones that...can. They are born into almost impossible circumstance. For extra measure...they are born into multiple births where the differences are quite apparent and the comparisons are, then, made to the supposed detriment of the one that is feeling like they are the outcast. However, in one moment...in one day...they find out who they truly are and they begin to create extraordinary pathways for other human beings to gain a larger understanding of what is and what most certainly is not. They...do not live a life of reflection. They do not live a life of projection. They are the mirror and what reflects back. The black sheep create leadership...example...they birth children to do more of this as well. These are the new cycles that are born. Do you believe these black sheep to be born of one race...of one ray...or one origin of the stars or do these human births require the more of what is missing on your earth?

K: Oh boy.

R: Yes. Oh boy. Why do humans feel the need to find out their origins? Do they feel the need to find it out as something to share during dinner conversation or do they find it out to utilize those qualities as a human being?

K: I mean...for some I'm sure it's a conversation piece. For others I think it's a little bit of both.

R: It's the ones that simply have an idea...mention it...sure...it's interesting...but actually utilize it in the ways of whispers that spirit speaks. They do not proclaim this part of themselves as something to be glorified. They use it as part of themselves to change a world. So, to find out origins or rays...what is it for and are you okay with the limited information out there or are you willing to find out more that only comes with connecting to something that seems to be always doubted or questioned. Believe yourself to be bigger than what you currently think for what you think...whether that is indigo or blue ray or earth globe trotter...is insignificant compared to what truly is. You use these pieces of information as building blocks. Not to sit in and think that it is the only thing that is available to you.

K: Then what if we're told or we identify with only one but we remain open to finding out more...does that attract...sort of like a tribe where we can, then, talk about the more...the more being what other people bring to the table?

R: And these are the knights of your round table.

K: What does that mean?

R: Each individual has a round table. Your fable of King Arthur is...true. There is that aspect to every human. Remaining open to educating yourself on all aspects of who you are is the invitation to others to take their seat at your table and for you to take a seat at theirs. Only when a human being is willing to know of all of them...will this happen. If not...they will consider only that they sit on a throne while waiting for the chair next to them to contain a twin flame.

K: Ah. I see.

R: It is the ones who are aware of their round table...and not their throne...that will be the loving invitation for their twin flame to join them.

K: Wow. I don't really know how to answer that.

R: A twin flame will only come to those who are open to all facets and not just their origin. Even in their origin...it is much grander than the one assumption of the human being.

K: You were showing me that this round table...is actually spirit or human beings that have the aspect of a certain colour...ray I guess. We're all different. We make up this rainbow.

R: Yes.

K: So in coming together...to work together either on Earth or on those spiritual planes...it's that diverse and whole energy...the group energy coming together for the same purpose while remaining that identity that they originate from.

R: In a way.

K: On Earth, we describe these people as not necessarily family but of tribes.

R: Tribes is a much better word. A tribe is not always blood. In fact...to learn...more...it is through the tribe concept because this opens up the heart and mind to different ways and thoughts of life...death...universal laws. Family usually has the same...beliefs and that's how they find the common ground. It is the ones that dare to invite more...the black sheep that cannot be understood nor are they...family do not wish to put in the effort to understand...only to wave them off as storytellers or a little off centre....crazy?

K: I like crazy.

R: I happen to love crazy.

K: Deeply?

R: (smiles) Deeply.

K: Let's use me as an example. I work with the realms of Michael. I do know...I've always really known that I'm Blue Ray but is that only because of Archangel Michael?

R: (sits back and thinks) Think of it more as an assignment.

K: What?

R: You put your resume in for a job...they hired you on the spot.

K: (laughing) What?

R: Your origins are of Prime Source. You gravitated to a certain ray as the human you are but you encompass all rays so if you were to come back to live another life...you may come as a yellow. You may come as a pink...maybe a lovely purple.

K: (laughing) I get it.

R: You wished to play the part of the blue. That is not all you are or ever will be. You chose to work with Michael. To be honest...Michael chose to work with you. He asked you as all angels will do when humans choose an incarnation. They ask the human. The human does not bow down to an angel to beg for a job. The human is hand-picked.

K: Do all humans come from a certain ray or wish to embody the qualities of certain ray when they incarnate as the human?

R: Yes. Most are unaware.

K: Interesting. When a spirit is created from...I mean...yes we're created by Prime Source...

R: Yes.

K: But we have to be created from something...two?

R: Yes.

K: You're filling my head with stuff I can't understand.

R: Think of a pyramid scheme.

K: Okay.

R: There was always a break off at Prime Source. All still comes from that Prime Source and these are the realms that you hear of. So as an incarnated human soul...you started from somewhere...your spirit was birthed. The goal is not to try and get back to the higher realms or pay your dues. The pyramid scheme of heaven...that idea...will only dissipate when you understand that you are of Prime Source. Yes...you were birthed as all things are...a spirit is birthed into various realms but it still hailed from the beginning...from the all that has and ever will be...Prime.

K So in numerology, why is that symbolized as the zero?

R: All That Ever Was and Will Be. It is never ending.

K: You got me.

R: I did not. You knew this.

K: So if humans could sort of put aside this idea that they are only one thing...maybe two...

R: You would be inviting so much more. If a human could stop using these terms or labels as a way to compete with one another and actually use them to extend the invitation or to create those aspects of the rays or the angelic realms on earth...they would actually be realizing their purpose. Not their mission. They're purpose. You tell people their purpose is to come in as Kimberly, Sharon, Leanne, Joel...Nicole but their purpose...if they choose to use this, is to find out those aspects of these origins to use them. If they are not used...they are simply here to live a mission.

K: Are rays different than auras?

R: Yes. Auras change. Auras are a reflection of the human's state of being. Not of who they are.

K: So if someone is of the understanding that they hail from some sort of Ray or Realm...is that just for this incarnation?

R: Partly.

K: Damn it, Richard.

R: (chuckling) You must understand the facets of the Spirit...of the Higher Self. You talk about the diamond ray...a diamond has many facets and colours that reflect off of it.

K: Yes.

R: The diamond ray is your higher self. The I Am presence that everyone speaks of...that everyone wishes to attain to, never realizing that they are already that. It is not a hidden aspect of yourself that you have to reach for. It is to connect to. Understanding this...you can then grasp that every incarnation...every soul you live can be of a different ray for the purpose of experiencing every color and bringing that back to the diamond...the Higher Self.

K: I'm just beginning to get that I don't think we could ever understand it all but we could maybe...be more open to...being okay with being everything.

R: Isn't that what the humans want.

K: But to narrow it down...wouldn't it be easier to be that expression to do more...to anchor that to Earth.

R: Yes. Of course. If you know of one or two things of who you are as the human you have chosen to live...use them. Don't use them as something to compete with...as some sort of suit of armor. Use them to create that part of...I do not like your term of heaven. It is extremely narrow.

K: Okay.

R: Use it to anchor your round table.

K: Why don't you like the word heaven?

R: It only signifies a place that you can only get to when you die. For most.

K: I don't think it's on purpose. I just think we still consider it to be something outside of ourselves.

R: Yes. I understand. That is fair.

K: Some people scour the internet to find out what they could possibly resonate with in terms of rays or galactic origins. Some people hire a lot of spiritualists...maybe wishing to be one thing and hearing another so they hire someone else just in case...

R: Oh yes. The grocery shopping list of what you think you need to live your existence of your true self.

K: What is the one thing we really need?

R: Do you need any of it? To live as a decent human being...do you need any of it or just by having the intention of being a decent human being...are you not using those qualities anyway.

K: Very true.

R: You do not need to know anything to utilize love.

K: Rays...do they vibrate all the same?

R: They vibrate.

K: Different rates?

R: Again, one color does not vibrate higher than another as in some sort of glorified horse race.

K: (laughing) I get that.

R: But they do vibrate differently and that is the vibration that the human carries with them into a life they choose to live.

K: So in one life, a human could vibrate at this level and then in another life...they could vibrate at a different level.

R: Yes.

K: So why did Paul talk about raising vibration every time a person comes to earth?

R: That is their earth...song. Their vibratory rate on earth. It does not mean in another incarnation...they would vibrate the same.

K: Ah.

R: This is their Earth vibration. It is for those who choose to come back again and again in service of Earth and her people because when you increase in vibration on Earth, it is then easier to anchor that heavenly vibration to the ground you walk on and the service you give. When you die, your vibration is not measured by the earth life you lived. Only on earth would you have that increased earth vibration.

K: So if you had less earth incarnations and more galactic incarnations...that vibe is only in that incarnation.

R: You do not stay in one vibration when you become spirit. There are no levels here. You may choose to exist in a dimension. You may have a place in a certain dimension but that does not mean you cannot experience the higher realms. You are able...and this is a concept that humans will not try to understand...you, as a spirit, when you are done on earth...are able to walk where angels try. You do not walk within only your dimension. How are you to utilize your God quotient if you only use one facet of your Higher Self in the infinite space that is your heaven? You cannot. It is more for the incarnations you choose to live. Not as you are as spirit. To remain separate as spirit is negating that you even have a Higher Self...that you are even a piece of God. I wish for the human being to stop categorizing your soul. In doing so, you open yourself to connection with your Spirit and that is what you most desire as a human species. It is simple. You make it more difficult than it has to be. You continuously wait for permission or to clear out your rubbish bins. This...idea or concept is rubbish. Yes, you have your issues you work on...a human must practice more acceptance even of what they consider to be "bad" or "wrong". Only in acceptance can you practice forgiveness and that is the connection to heaven. For in your heaven there is no judgement placed on a soul. You judge it enough even for this idea of a judgemental God. That is you. That is not God.

K: To simplify and use the one aspect of your soul that you connect with more...this is what makes it easier for me to do the work that I do.

R: And so you are not only living a mission. You are living your purpose as Kimberly; as what Michael sought and what I had a hand in creating.

K: I want to talk a little bit about Spirit Guides or Guardian Angels or Councils of Light. Whatever you want to call it.

R: Yes.

K: For me, I began to channel a consciousness that called themselves the Spiritual Council of Light. Then I had a little bit of a...

R: Moment.

K: You could call it that. Then Simon came in.

R: Yes.

K: Then Paul came in.

R: Yes.

K: Which started a whole shwack of events that led me here today.

R: Okay.

K: Which introduced me to a brother...a father...a mother...a sister...soul mates...knights...twin flame...I have been introduced to so much.

R: Yes.

K: But some only stop at one or wish to connect with only one.

R: Yes.

K: Why?

R: Because that specific Guide is to guide them on what they choose to know and what they incorporate into their lives. They only wish to know that one aspect of their soul. They believe only this line; the line is perceived as straight and as your readers know...it is not straight for with every loop and every branch...there is another "Being" (finger quote) that awaits connection with you to help you. That doesn't mean that you disregard those or that who have come before. They join so you are building a community. It is not simply one for this moment and one for that moment. You build...as your...as Paul would say...you have a core and this grows bigger.

K: I find that with the more introductions I make...I tend to get overwhelmed with how many individuals come and introduce themselves and I feel I have to share or balance them all. So I talked to Paul and Simon one morning and they said come back to the beginning. Come back to the core. Why?

R: Because it is what a person knows the best and what brings them back to a center...if you will.

K: Is that important?

R: It is very important because it is...in its entirety...a lot for the human to conceptualize...to go back to the core of one, two or three spirits that, at first, took on the task to hold your soul...your heart...that overwhelming situation of so many that wish to be a part of your team...begins to make sense. There is always...including with information or spirits that share and guide...there is always moments where you simply must go back to the basics of what you know and trust to integrate everything else that wishes to know and trust you. Any human. If you wish to grow your table of knights...go slowly. For you...it has taken a little over six years. It is not something to build immediately because with every introduction...new information comes to use...not only to know but to use.

K: The knowledge that I'm getting now...in the last couple of weeks has my head spinning a little.

R: And there is the core that will catch you when you decide to fall. You will fall. It is your leap of faith.

K: Which people are constantly feeling they're doing. We get tired of the leaps of faith.

R: Everyday...the choice to live the best version of you is a leap of faith. And yes, I understand it does get tiring.

K: Well, at least you're able to understand.

R: I understand very well.

K: In that case...let's play a game.

R: A game?

K: Yeah. We humans like to play games. You in?

R: (looks back at someone unsure) I suppose we can play your game.

K: Cool. It's something I like to call...let's humanize spirit.

R: (rolling his eyes) Dear Lord.

K: Because we connect better when we can humanize something.

R: You connect just fine, little one.

K: Come on. You already sort of agreed.

R: Very well. Let us humanize me.

K: Cool. If you were to have a favorite alcoholic beverage...what would it be?

R: I do not drink.

K: You are missing the point and if I were speaking to Ryker...he would have a very different answer.

R: (he's totally missing the point of the game which is having fun) Uh...fine. May I see a menu.

K: Oh for God's sake.

R: (taking his time then nods) Bourbon.

K: What?

R: Bourbon.

K: Ew.

R: May I remind you that I am a spirit.

K: Fine fine fine. Okay. For breakfast....

R: I do not require....

K: Unreal.

R: Breakfast. Okay. If I were to eat breakfast in your world...what would it be.

K: Better.

R: Oh...I don't...nothing seems...oatmeal.

K: (laughing hard) Okay. A good bowl of oatmeal is great. Steel cut.

R: Whatever that means.

K: Dinner?

R: Well now...there are options aren't there.

K: There are.

R: Hhhmmm...Oh...interesting...this is much better.

K: You need to hang with Ryker more.

R: It seems I do...Hhhmmm...game...elk I suppose. It's quite nice.

K: Cool. I never got the taste. Animals hey?

R: Again...fictional. You are humanizing me. I am engaging all choice.

K: Fair. Car/vehicle.

R: Really, Kimberly. Is this necessary?

K: Not really but I'm making you work.

R: (groans) Alright. (rubbing his hands up and down his thighs) I don't know. Something called a truck.

K: (laughing) Okay. I'll put you out of your misery.

R: Thank you.

K: I'll ask again.

R: I've no doubt you will.

K: Gotta go.

R: Very well. I will see you soon.

K: See you.

R: My moon.

K: Love you.

R: I love you. Be good.

K: Never.

R: Yes...well...one can hope.

K: One can.

R: Good bye.

K: Bye.

Gets up and is gone.

Conversations with Spirit Guide Simon – Changing Human, Changing Life, Moving On/Away

Again, it's all about sharing my journey. Things come up, feelings come out and Simon's always around to bounce that off of and get back the best reassurance. I'm feeling like a lot of people are caught between wanting more and having to stay stuck. Well then...let's talk.

K: Good morning, Simon. How are you?

S: I am very well. Thank you. How are you, Sweetheart?

K: I am okay. May I complain?

S: Please do.

K: It's so cold. (It's so arfing cold today.)

S: I am very much aware of your frigid temperatures. But as you are aware...it all has meaning.

K: Yes. I get that. We tend to blame climate change for it.

S: It is part of it. Some of it has to do with your polar shifts. Mother is rectifying Herself...let us leave it at that.

K: And as She rectifies Herself...puts Herself right again...extremes tend to happen.

S: They do. Humanity takes it so personally. My advice...allow it to happen for when you allow it to happen you also understand the underlying circumstances that have brought it on.

K: Is that with anything?

S: One must...we do not say allow just anything to happen. To roll over and ignore yourself in this way is never productive. But the situations or the experiences that are outside of your control...they are...out of your control. These can be sent healing...they can be sent that part of you which is God. They can be sent positivity but can they also be sent understanding that things must...roll out as they are intended to without the influence of others?

K: Yes. I can see what you're saying.

S: In regards to your Earth caring for Herself...Her health and Her needs...it is felt on a rather extreme level to some. For others, they like to skate or icefish and they wish for this season never to end.

K: I promised myself that I would get skates and go this year but it didn't happen. When I went they didn't have any for me and then we got stuck in this -45 crap and there ain't no way I'm skating in that.

S: No. Nor should you.

K: My face is permanently red from frostbite.

S: (chuckles) You have no such thing.

K: I know. I'm creating drama.

S: Ah...new for you.

K: Well...yeah.

S: Is it fun?

K: It doesn't last long.

S: If I wore a watch I would say that was a new record. Twenty seconds.

K: I try.

S: If that is your spin out of control...you have work to do.

K: I try to keep the spinning to a minimum.

S: Yes. Well...it's better. Things have been changing for you.

K: Somewhat. Somewhat the same. Maybe morphing is a better word.

S: Ah. Yes. I would agree. The same is looking different. This is what you would consider morphing.

K: But my morphing looks like change to others so I guess it really is in the eye of the beholder.

S: Morphing, on some level, is change and when people cling to what they started with or what they always thought would be there...(sits back and rubs his bottom lip like he's watching)...my...what a fuss.

K: Tell me!!! Or silence. Panicked silence or a little bit of resentful silence.

S: Yes. I must agree.

K: But all is good.

S: The expectations of others are learned from past behavior. Past behavior...even for the well-intended...changes very little unless there is a willingness to do a complete overhaul of attitude.

K: Do you get frustrated seeing that?

S: Hhhmmm...this may damage my reputation.

K: No. I mean...I know there's frustration with Spirit.

S: We are similar you and I. I get frustrated when it is the same behavior after individuals have been given the...message or the advice or urging to come into new practice...new behaviors and they ask...why is my life the same? Why are they moving forward and I am sitting in the same? Well, for starters, the individuals who have chosen to move out of their pasts have taken the urges and whispers from their souls and the souls and spirits that they have invited into their existence to help and assist. For us, the frustration does not last long. It is...a kindergarten teacher or a teacher of small children. They are teaching a child to read and the same word that is taught cannot be read no matter how hard the child tries or seems to be trying. It is...more times than not...a distraction. They choose to skip over the harder word for the easier word that was behind or in front. Sometimes...the word has multiple syllables and the child cannot break it down and simply looks at the whole word no matter how many times the teacher has said break it down. The word is much too big. So they skip it intending to be better at what they assume to have grown out of. They are ready for the bigger words but refuse to try with the words they are already reading. This, then, frustrates the teacher. Only for a mere moment. They then witness the frustration of the child because the child simply cannot skip anymore words...they roll their eyes and smile and tell them...let us try again.

K: You're a sneaky son of a B, Simon.

S: (small grin) How so, My Love.

K: That was a message for someone.

S: It was a message for a handful. But what will the student do while their companions are on better or more adventurous books while they continue to read...I'm not quite sure what children are reading at that age.

K: Alphabet?

S: Ah. Alligator. Incredibly hard word if there is not a picture attached.

K: True.

S: They will continue to read their alphabet books while others are reading their Harry Potter.

K: Is that being stubborn?

S: No. You must learn the whole alphabet to read. It's quite a long alphabet. For some...it takes longer than others but...the others will move on. One simply cannot make an individual stay where they are no longer needed; where they are no longer productive.

K: Reading the alphabet for so long must feel...there's no creativity there.

S: There is no creativity there...until they take the chance and pick up their Harry Potter after learning the bigger words...after learning the bigger words are not so difficult if the effort is given to pronounce them.

K: But then some move on from paper books to audio books.

S: Do you know, Kimberly, that the audio books...connect to the ear chakras which connect people to their clairvoyance and over time, when using your clairaudience or listening, you are given the green light to actually see.

K: In regards to books?

S: In regards to much.

K: Sometimes if flows from seeing to hearing.

S: Sometimes. I agree with that statement. There is a flow or a pattern with individual talents and abilities though. Sometimes they flow differently. It is the different flow that...unfortunately people begin to compare abilities or mark them as wrong or right but to understand abilities...you would support the different processes instead of teaching only one way.

K: I agree but humans are sticklers for linearity.

S: (smiles) Yes. Still. It's quite surprising.

K: For you, maybe. I'm all sorts of weebles and wobbles these days. Nothing is flowing up or down stream. The stream is not even contained.

S: How does it feel?

K: Pretty freeing and amazing. I still get caught up in the guilt about...not being the same or providing the same...to people.

S: How so?

K: I feel a lot of confusion in my circles but at the same time...I've lost the urge to try and explain myself because in explaining myself...I tend to give excuses and I'm at this point where I'm not willing to excuse who I am or who I'm becoming...does that makes sense?

S: Very much. And for anyone...why must they excuse who they are or who they are becoming?

K: I think that it's pretty ingrained that if you aren't willing to go with the flow of the preconceived notions of others on the outside...you've turned into a snot or a bitch or an asshole or you're ignoring and that's not the case.

S: No...it is not but...that is the case of the child continuing to read the alphabet books. They can mutter and moan about it but it is simply their choice not to grow in literacy.

K: And the only reason why I bring it up is because...there are so many out there that don't feel recognized for who they've become or they feel targeted because they can't be who they were. Or they feel like it's their fault for wanting different or feeling different or knowing that there is so much more for them if they really listen to their personal needs.

S: I am happy that you have brought this up because it is true and those who are feeling like...they have completed their individual stages...they do have permission to welcome the...dreams and fulfillment that they have been working so hard to manifest without having to excuse themselves to other people. I watch, very carefully, the individuals who pass up dreams or goals because they choose to remain in a box that others have only ever saw them or experienced them in. When done without spite or anger or frustration towards others that are smothering or cling to a past like your plastic wrap...when done with understanding of an individual's journey and forgiveness about what they cannot see or grasp but what you can...you have permission to move on...move forward. Does that mean things end? For others...it does tend to look that way. But when done for the highest and best good...you are actually inviting them to join you and handing them the key to unlock the door of their box they have kept themselves in or the clubhouse that you both participated in but now you know longer feel the need to. That does not mean you will vacate the premises and never go back. It means the club house needs expansion because there will be more room needed for the many people who are coming that will only nurture your changing ideals...soul...heart...mind. All of these things. And of course...when I speak of the word you I speak to the readers and not just Kimberly. I speak to all who are feeling these things.

K: What if it's time but you're just too comfortable where you've been to want to do anything about your...Paul was telling me the other day that there was an element of 'bustin' open'.

S: Yes.

K: So what if a person ignores those urges of soul growth or expansion...all of those spiritual words that we call it but really...it's just living life the way you view it with your newfound senses.

S: Precisely.

K: And as a coach...I take it very seriously...well not seriously...I have a lot of fun with it...but I take it seriously to be an example of that and be honest about my experiences to try and get others to understand that it's allowed and whatever fallout or whatever preconceived assumptions from others...it's okay because it has absolutely nothing to do with you. As long as it's with the best of intentions that we...continue on our journey even if it looks a little different...we have to get into this mindset that it's for evolvement and not to kick someone to the curb.

S: No. It is not.

K: If people do leave our lives or relationships change...it's because there's this more factor that's trying to come through and people either allow it or shut it out. And that more will look or feel different for everyone even though...we tend to get into these cycles of comparing.

S: Yes.

K: I just hate seeing people shut it out (the more) and make the excuse that it's too hard or the word is too long because the alphabet book just turned into a novel with no pictures to give you a clue.

S: Humanity is ready to go in blind.

K: What do you mean?

S: It's another word for taking a chance without knowing the outcome. Do you know why?

K: I can feel what you're alluding to.

S: Because it is not just their eyes that they are ready to use. Humanity has gotten so used to seeing what's in front of them but the lines have been blurred. Humanity is ready to use their other senses to lead them to their personal glories. This is going in blind. But...to put the blindfold on and rely on the other senses...it is scary. It does take the bravest of the brave to let go and let...God...which is you. Humans are Godly. It is time they acted the part they came to play.

K: The conversations that I've had with Spirit have been intended to have that wake up factor or that look and see factor while remaining completely honest about my personal experiences. But...in some ways...I feel individuals are living vicariously through the honest experiences of others...not just me. I'm just saying in general.

S: Yes.

K: So if buddy is bustin' open and someone buddy knows is living vicariously through him...that feels...to that someone...like pure abandonment or that their now being ignored. But buddy's just trying to do the best he can with who he's become.

S: Yes. Sweetheart...living vicariously or on the coattails of an individual is living in an illusion that lies on top of the illusion you are already living. It is not authentic and it lacks integrity. But it is also an addiction. Addicts...sobering up to personal realities...personal stories is a very difficult thing when you have been living with the stories of another. It is painful.

K: Yes. My heart goes out to them but I can feel the frustrations of others that are going through it...wanting the more but feeling held back by the wishes or desires of others to be the same or look the same.

S: Your Earth...as we were talking about earlier...She is changing. She is healing. She is evolving. Some understand this and don't swear to her when they walk against the wind in the cold mornings. Some...do.

K: Nice. (I was doing that this morning.)

S: (laughing) But some are okay and send Her much love as She does what She needs to do.

K: I get that.

S: I know. I am simply teasing. But as Earth feels that from Her children...so too do her children feel that for each other.

K: Yeah.

S: I would urge those who feel as if they are "bustin' open" (finger quote)....

K: (laughing at him)

S: You are well and good to do that. Those that feel left behind...I will stay with them. You do what you need to do to uplift not only yourself but the world around you in the ways that are needed more now than ever and if you feel as if it is time...it is and so you must.

K: Thanks for that.

S: I do not mind being called in to care for those who wish to read their alphabet books or those books that were written by those that present or teach vicarious living. I will stay and read with them and when they are done their books, I will invite them out to the playground where the other children play.

K: Can I be honest?

S: Of course.

K: You could always be a little tough on me.

S: Yes.

K: Not cool.

S: Why?

K: I can't explain it. It's like... people see you and they're all like, oh Simon...I love Simon...he's so cute. He's the best. He's so loving... on and on.

S: (laughing hard)

K: In the back of my mind...when I hear it I'm like...who the hell are you talking about?

S: Dearest. Come now. (still laughing)

K: In the beginning you were very cute and loving and hand holding and now it's like...shit just got real. Kick-in-the-pants-get-going type thing.

S: You know better.

K: Or you just know me so well that you won't put up with my whining.

S: I will...for a moment. Because I find it humorous.

K: Really.

S: Really. But what happens at the end of the day when you turn out your lights?

K: Hugs.

S: Many.

K: Yeah...shit just got real. People come to turning points in their life through morphing or changing or becoming. I've done the morphing and the changing. Maybe a little bit of the becoming. I've found myself...not recognizing myself with others...trying to be someone for them. But it's like...in these things (conversations) or with Spirit (in general)...I never had to and I find myself wanting to be who I am with Spirit.

S: It is...as they say...connecting to your highest self...it is what they would call...awakening to your truth and it is a process but because you have been honest and have shared your journey all this time...there comes a point where you have shed all you are...for anyone...you have shed all you are and now there is nothing left to bare. You have now come to the part in your journey where there is nothing left to hide...this is what is meant by being alive...truly living and along this new path there will still be challenges. There will still be the highs and lows...uncertainties and hard truths. But...it is done...it is all lived without the veil. This is what is the essence of Bridging the Gap. It was not necessarily about creating the bridge. The bridge has been there for millennia. It was about being the bridge. People tend to think it is only about creating when, in fact...it's already created. When you realize this...then you can be that which you were so desperately trying to create.

K: Wow.

S: And when one goes in blind...they can see what is behind the veil because they have left everything they believed themselves to be...to the side and have come simply as who they ever were. When a human being knows who they ever were...it was not creation. It was uncovering. And now by uncovering...you can create but this time...it is creating as the connected individual to the highest and best self. It is creating...what used to be but was covered up for so long...Heaven on Earth. So many individuals are a part of this. So many wish to be but cannot risk bearing all. It is the choice of the human. I will simply love them regardless. Except for Kimberly. She will continue to receive her kick in her pants. (smiles)

K: Great.

S: My Love...

K: Yeah...

S: Puh-lease. (mimicking me)

K: (laughing)

S: I cannot be anything else but Simon for you. We know each other much too well for...make believe.

K: Agreed.

S: Very well. You have a long day ahead.

K: Well...to me. You would only blink and it would be done.

S: Yes...well...I've worked hard to have that ability.

K: I'm sure you have. It only took dying to get there.

S: Yes...well...the method was rather...extreme.

K: Totally. At least you're honest about it.

S: Always.

K: Okay Simon. I love you. Love you love you.

S: (grins) I love you. Take care. We will see each other shortly. There is a meeting being called. I'm sure you're aware.

K: I am. What's the agenda?

S: Much. See you soon.

K: See ya.

Gone! I'm assuming I'm going to be pulled into a round table later today. Good times! Personal Round Tables are the best.

Conversations with Stirling – Faye Folk/Fairies

He was introduced to Sharon and I sometime in the winter/spring of this past year. I can't exactly remember but the timing isn't important. We were discussing portals and some land then from out of nowhere, he walked out from the corner of the room, we were talking in, and just grabbed my attention. He's been coming in here and there ever since. Sometimes he'll come in with nature around him. Sometimes he comes by himself. He's really great at showing up as or with animals which we get into a little bit in this conversation. He's a heavy hitter. I never considered the Faye to have so much energy but I think it's just because I feel it differently. The photo you see is a makeup of his resemblance. I was told it's pretty accurate. Some people will see him. Some people will see the animals and some will just feel him. If you want to work with him, I have to suggest that you really want to because just like Archangel Nathaniel, he doesn't piss around. He commands respect but at the same time, he can be very tender and shows a softer side. There is lots I don't know about this world. I never really gave it much thought but as I continue to do this work, I'm being introduced to more that I feel we think we know a lot about but really, in the grand scheme of things, unless we're in it...we don't. Here is my conversation with Stirling of the earth/land Faye realms.

S: Good Morning, Kimberly and quite the morning it's been.

K: Have you been watching?

S: (points to his chest) Me?...Yes.

K: This may have to be done in parts if that's okay. I feel it will be a longer one but things might just snowball if that's okay.

S: It's why I'm here.

K: Cool.

S: I must say congratulations.

K: For?

S: You've made some...outstanding...how do I stay discreet?

K: Ah, because I'm sharing.

S: Yes.

K: Choices? I guess? Contract?

S: With rather favorable outcomes. It was a wonderful celebration.

K: And I thank you for being there.

S: The honor was mine.

K: Cool.

S: And the book.

K: Well the book was going up regardless.

S: Hhhmmm...yes. Long time coming though. So I've been told.

K: Yeah and this (Stirling and this topic) will be a new addition to the blog. I know that you don't really care for the word fairy. Is it because of the...way they are perceived?

S: Somewhat. Yes. There are differences in species...just as your human race but me...where I am...I...I forgot my shiny wings at home. (sneaky grin)

K: Got it. So everyone, this is Stirling. Stirling, everyone.

S: It's very nice to meet all of you. I have assisted...one?

K: Yeah. That was cool. Thanks for that. I have to tell the readers that you're really subtle right now but your energy can be really really strong. Why do you come in as such a heavy hitter?

S: It...a need or maybe you would consider it a drive to work with...to know that people are beginning to gain their footing in a certain belief of consciousness is inclusive to my world. For many many years...thousands...we have not been considered. Your...friend? (Paul)

K: (laughing)

S: He has a message...quite a popular message of bridging a gap. More so with those who have been assumed to have gone in an upward direction towards some place that is defined as a heaven.

K: Yes.

S: But bridging some sort of gap does not necessarily only have to be with the direction of up. It is up down and all around. It is beside and it is below. People tend to disregard the low to gain stature or clarity in the higher realms but there are realms that surround you and this includes the realms that you think are that heaven that you speak of. What if I was to tell you that there is so much that is being missed by only concentrating on the high...the glass ceiling. When you try to reach for a glass ceiling, you forget that there is much to harvest on the ground you walk on and that includes knowledge and that includes the Beings, such as myself, that reside here with you. You may not see us. You may catch a glimmer of us from time to time but I can assure you, our home is here with you.

K: Yeah. I know. When I started this work, I felt like I had to reach extremely high and yes, you look at the night sky and those stars seem awfully high...too far to touch and that direction is up and so people can't help but look up and want that...want whatever's up there and that includes spirit...angels...God maybe. But as I've gotten to know you and with the coachings I have been doing for the people that really just want to work with the energies in the spaces of Earth...it's amazing how much we disregard what is actually around us. Does that make sense?

S: Yes. And what happens when you regard what's actually around you? Acknowledge its presence?

K: I find that we don't have to reach so high. That it comes to us or, if we ask, it can pull us closer to them/it.

S: Yes.

K: It's cool and even though Paul talks about bridging a gap that people would assume to be above them...the more I learn, the more I'm aware that it's pretty much beside us. In fact, I don't necessarily believe that we have to travel up at all when the real energy comes from the ground...initially.

S: And when you were speaking about the lower chakras...

K: Yes.

S: You are absolutely right in stating that if it's up you want, you must start from the bottom and work that way. If someone has turned on everything above and nothing below...you'll float away. Some may even believe you to be insane for there is no base...to your being.

K: Huh. No solid ground.

S: Or platform. There is always a base; with anything. There is always that beginning and to strive for an awakening without remembering the whole...yes, it happens but it's weaker.

K: So those people that have that awakening...is it a stage? And if they realized for every stage...how do I ask?

S: The awakening process is usually the awakening of the chakras that connects to the All That Is of a human being. For some, it happens full on. Full force...for others it is a path...one at a time and sometimes this path is a life path but some are in a hurry and some are not. Some are fully awakened and have no connection to the spirit or anything...they just live as a human being...their day to day, but they are happy and the have joy. So if you were to talk to people...there would be a difference in their story of awakening and for many that don't strive in the "Spiritual Sense" (finger quote) they have just found their happiness quotient.

K: Cool. Thank you for that.

S: Because as a goal...people put themselves on a clock and then get frustrated when it doesn't happen.

K: And that's where you come in.

S: That's where I come in.

K: So, to connect with the fairy realms or whatever you want to call it...let's even call it...gosh, I don't know.

S: It's fine.

K: Would that maybe be a good starting point? To maybe communicate with the air or the nature around you and grow, potentially, from there? Would that be a good base?

S: Yes.

K: Then how come people can connect right away to the deceased or the angels or the masters? And sometimes they neglect those earth beings in favor of these that are considered 'higher dimensional'.

S: It's because they've connected before. It could be from another life. It could be as a child and they've forgotten. In some way, they have started from the ground up and it doesn't necessarily have to be with us...the Faye. It can be with nature; holding a respect for nature. That is the ground; the base. We don't always...it's not an inclusive thing but respecting the Earth or the nature around you is also connecting to us.

K: Then whether we know it or not, there is always that base.

S: There must be a base to take a leap of faith.

K: Always. Let's talk species then. You had mentioned species. Can you tell me a little bit about that?

S: We follow the elements but with the elements we follow the land but we can easily go back and forth. We are not meant to stay anywhere. (like a prison)

K: So you have homes then?

S: We do?

K: Are you Earth bound?

S: No. We...there are realms on earth...you would consider them...perhaps a parallel. We can come and go freely from dimensions.

He's showing me that while they are "Earth bound" it's not the Earth of this dimension. It's 4th, 5th, 6th but it's still Earth. Very confusing but that's the best way I can describe it. Earth has evolved and humanity is evolving.

K: So you aren't bound to the third dimensional earth?

S: No and earth is no longer third dimensional. It is fourth. It's the humans that are playing catch up.

K: And is that why more and more humans are interacting with you?

S: Because they have caught up?

K: Yes.

S: It is.

K: Could you give the simple skinny on the...you said elements and that Fairy's follow the elements.

S: Yes. Take me as an example. I exist in your mountain range. I am land. My family...my people are the land. We have a strong connection to your aboriginal cultures as well as our own. You have the air. They are what your movies would portray with the wings. You do see them where I am as well. As I have said, we can roam or move freely if that's what we would like to do. You have the water, the sea. Yes, how can I describe...they are excellent swimmers. They are able to walk on water. They dive deep. They are not, what you would consider mermaids but they are very...you wouldn't be able to miss them. You know how they ocean or the sea ripples blue? Sparkles?

K: Yes.

S: They sparkle as if the sun is hitting the water's surface.

K: Wow. Beautiful. (seeing images)

S: And then you have the fire. Yes. The fire. They are as you would assume them to be. Extremely quick, short tempered, like things accomplished now. They don't often leave the fires but their purpose is extremely important for they burn away the old...the dead...the rot so the new can emerge. (Laughs) They don't understand what people wait for. They are action.

K: Then what are you?

S: We build. We nurture. We open.

K: Do you have water or air or fire with you?

S: (smiles) We do. Some stay, wishing to learn new things. Others stay for only a moment and are gone again.

K: That is so interesting to me.

S: Just look at the elements of your earth. It works together. Some places of your earth are more humid, watery, while others are hot and arid but the whole of it works together while remaining, at times, very separate.

K: Yeah. I see that. I wanted to talk to you about time. Time is a human concept but you were talking to me this morning about how...you go by time. You sleep if you want to. You eat at certain times...you are sort of run by time. Could you explain that?

S: It's not the clock that runs our day. It is the sun and the moon. It's the seasons. This is our time. We don't sit and tell you to come back in a half an hour for dinner. We look at the sky or we look at the moon or we look at the shadows. This is our clock. Yes, we sleep...we rest. We play, we work but there is a flow to it that is...relaxed. It is peaceful. Time does not run us. We, again, work with the...natural state of the Earth and Her times. This is an easy relationship.

K: I like that; just the flow of that. There's no sharp deadlines or there's no get it done now type thing.

S: Yes.

K: That's cool. Have human's ever been Fairies? Like in previous lives?

S: Yes.

K: Thought so.

S: Humans have a funny way of looking at this thing called reincarnation. It's not always an incarnation on earth. Frequently and to an extent...it is but those that you would term your old souls...they are not only old to Earth but they are old...in that universal standard. Some have never been human but have wished to be human now because of the times you're in. They have come to bring wisdom from various incarnations to teach on Earth even if they don't realize it. These are your geniuses. They are your Einsteins or your Hawkings or your...Ghandis and so forth.

K: Huh. Interesting. The more I'm open to learning and the more I walk this path...the more that opens up for me that is so new but never really considered until I talk to spirit.

S: At least you're open to it. Stay that way.

K: I want to talk about animals. Do you have a good relationship with the animal kingdom?

S: Very good.

K: You have a coyote that travels with you or are you the coyote that people see?

S: (sneaky grin) Both. He is my...friend. I travel with him and he allows me to become him. We are...very good friends. (getting emotional in my chest)

K: Why the coyote? I thought they were tricksters.

S: And so are we.(fairies) We can be. But the coyote...that symbol that I have chosen to walk as or walk with...there's much wisdom behind the eyes. They are truth and they will trip a person up to realize the truths that need to be told. They don't tell truth blatantly. It's...what is the lesson that is learned after the mistakes or the mishaps happen. And sometimes the mistakes have to happen. Some people require this as a learning tool.

K: Preaching to the choir my friend.

S: (laughs) Am I?

K: Totally. Just look at my morning this morning. Had coyote all over it.

S: How so?

K: I needed to grasp my sense of humor about life.

S: (laughs) Ah yes. When life hands you lemons...make your lemonade.

K: Precisely. You also told me that you came to me as the moth.

S: Yes.

I was walking my dog one evening and there was a moth on the sidewalk that wasn't flying. I bent down to actually stroke its wing thinking that it could fly but then I started walking again and I was called back. The moth was huge. Almost half my fist. I picked it up and placed it on a tree where it was camouflaged with the bark. Later Stirling had told me that was him.

K: Why a moth?

S: To some...they are not beautiful. But when an individual actually takes the time to connect with the ugly, they realize the beauty it holds.

K: So was that a test for me?

S: No. You have rescued bees and butterflies. You have helped injured ladybugs. It was not a test. It was a hello and a call for assistance which you gave. That was it.

K: You're a shit. (He's showing me after I put the moth on the tree it flew away.)

S: Yes. I can be. (he's chuckling)

K: I thought it was going to be eaten.

S: No. I'm still here.

K: You can't be eaten.

S: Not this way. (motions to his body)

K: Let's talk relationships with humans. How's that going?

S: (rolls his eyes a little) It can be difficult. As I say, humans rarely look down. They rarely see the obvious that's right in front of them. They look up to heights and rarely around them at their level. So it can be frustrating.

K: Ah. I feel you.

S: In saying that, I must thank you and Sharon for seeing what is right in front of you.

K: You make it pretty simple.

S: Thank you.

K: More and more people are willing to know the realms of earth though. They feel that they have trouble connecting to something 'high' and so they consider what's missing and that's when they sense you or they know you're around.

S: And it's a breath of fresh air. As Paul would say, the bridging the gap...it's all around and this, too, is the bridge. It's the bridge for a working partnership that introduces...the gifts of elements and the gifts of nature which humans have. Its' not only the chakras they have contained within them. It's the elements as well and that's why it can be easier, at times, to connect with the Faye than it would be to connect with the angels.

K: I think you were telling Sharon that the Faye...they are considered angels by some...

S: Yes.

K: But they're not really from the angelic realms? That they came here to take care of the Earth Angels, which some don't believe that angels incarnate to earth...

S: But they do.

K: Then if a person is considered or labeled an "earth angel"...is it easier to connect with angels or fairies?

S: Not always, no. Sometimes it's more...difficult. Earth angels are quite the sensitive bunch and it takes a fair amount of convincing.

K: Ah. Lots of validation?

S: They tend to soak up the vibration of doubt from the world around them and this weighs heavily on an earth angel's shoulders and that is why I offer the place of grounding first. Connect with the root first and ask the earth to take the debris from your feet as you walk and this allows the root to be balanced and more able to light the way to the top...towards that glass ceiling.

K: When do you think we'll break the glass ceiling?

S: It's been cracked.

K: Is this the veil?

S: Yes.

K: The portals are the cracks. (he just showed me)

S: Yes.

K: But they exist around us. It's not a ceiling.

S: You've clued in.

K: How many of you are there? Are there more of you than humans?

S: For every birth...two come.

K: That's a lot.

S: Yes.

K: Because I've heard for every blade of grass, a fairy keeps watch.

S: (grins) Careful where you step.

K: That's a lot of fairies, Stirling.

S: You think of it in numbers like you would think of it globally. But, you may also consider the energy and not the form.

K: Okay.

S: Because for every blade of grass...we would look like a blade of grass. To every animal, we would look like an animal and for every human, we would look...human.

K: Wow. Blowin' my mind.

S: You think?

K: It's just a world that's foreign to me and one that I never considered really. Not until your presence became more frequent.

S: And it's a good thing.

K: A very good thing.

S: I enjoy...being included in your motley crew. It's a good crew.

K: Yes. We are a decent bunch. Our mother's raised us proper.

S: (laughs)

K: How old are you?

S: I am as old as the mountains.

K: And yet, you look like...late thirties, early forties.

S: Age...humans don't age well. Humans don't realize they don't have to age.

K: I've heard that before.

S: It's true.

K: How can we connect with you better? Like, we do the crystal gridding, we plant them, we have the wind chimes...I don't know how to connect with you, really. And that's not to be insulting. It's just...how?

S: Be aware of what is in front of you. Be aware of the ground you walk on. Be aware of the animals that pass by you. Be aware of the breeze in the air, of the tree as she speaks when the wind rattles her. It isn't just hanging crystals or globes of glass or the chimes. Those are like telephones. We speak through the ground, through the rocks, through the lakes. When you connect with the water or the land or the wind or the light of your sun, we communicate through that. Sometimes the plants answer you. Sometimes we do but you assume it's the plant.

K: How do we know the difference?

S: Hhhmmm...how can I answer...Okay. You have your horticulturists. They sing and speak to plants or whatever it is that they do. Some have a wonderful relationship with the plants they grow. If they were interested in us the voice would not come from that specific plant. It would come from beside it. You have to have a keen ear. Also, be aware that you have moved onto land that we have inhabited for thousands of years. Permission is always granted but it would be nice to be asked. Crystals hold a certain vibration but know that we dwell in many places that contain the crystals already. When planting crystals or hanging them, it is as if you're extending an invitation to be introduced. Consider magic. You call it magic. We call it every day. There are signs we give every day. We cannot work with every single human. We work in groups. It's not as if we are spirit guides although we enjoy the work. But there will usually be groups of us that work with one human.

K: Why though?

S: Because those who feel us the strongest are the keepers of Earth.

K: Can you name anyone that we would know? Even if they don't realize they work with the Faye?

He's showing me Leonardo Dicaprio.

K: Really?

S: Oh yes. His passion is our passion.

He's showing me Jane Goodall.

K: Wow.

S: Yes. Any of those people that have a drive to protect the Earth...they have a strong connection to us and these are the Earth Keepers.

K: I mean, I have a relationship with the earth but it's not as...how do I say this...it's not as passionately. It's a respect like I would have for a parent or a grandparent.

S: And that is good. But you also regard the fact that there are many Beings that walk down your street, care for your garden, fly above your clouds. You are aware that even the smallest insect...like the injured ladybug, comes along your path for assistance from you. We place these things in the human's view because we know that the message will be received. You want to know the Faye, begin to ground to the world around you and be of assistance to It. Notice what is placed at your feet, that needs your help. Notice what is speaking to you because we will give you signs, usually, when we need the human's help. You have heard that the bridging or the relationships with any spirit is one of working with. We are no different but we work. We are workers of preservation and growth. We protect. We will show ourselves in those ways and then, the help will grow and this is when a relationship will form that when you give, we give and we are able to give you so much.

K: So, it's like, job well done, here's a twenty in the middle of the road where no one has walked.

S: (laughs) Something like that. We've been known to leave...gifts of that nature before.

K: But there's also bounty in a growing garden or in a...I don't know...fishing in a lake for supper or camping and that hungry bear recognizes that you work with them so it will go and steal from a different camper's cooler.

S: (laughs) That's very good. Very good. We've been known to leave crystals. We've been known to leave jewelry. We've been known to leave...gifts. All kinds. Some are shinier than others. Some are symbolic.

K: Feathers? Angels or Fairies?

S: Both.

K: Okay. Cool. So your history is a couple things. To care for earth and to care for earth angels. What about the portals?

S: Tricky question. There are many many Beings that have the shared duty of protecting and opening those doors. We are guardians.

K: Simon says he's been at your place a lot.

S: He has. He is a guardian. (As he says this, he shows me Simon with is wings out and not the sensitive playwright he can be.)

K: He means business?

S: He's usually there in an act of protection and care, yes.

K: Wow. I feel that. That's almost too much. Simon...please.

Simon steps back.

K: Trouble breathing when he gets like that.

S: Yes.

K: Is there a lot that we don't know about the Faye that we assume we do.

S: Yes. Very much. Too much to discuss here but my hope is that, in time, we can get to know one another. (directed to the readers)

K: Yesterday you were talking about music and how that attracts you. What kind of music?

S: Strings.

He's showing me a harp.

S: Drumming.

K: It's so interesting to me that you're showing me a lot of Celtic instruments. Why?

S: The Celts...the Druids...the Shaman...the ancient cultures that had that...it's where Gaia could dwell. If one ventures to Ireland, you will know that this is where Gaia dwells. If you travel to the places where we are heard of the most; Iceland, Ireland, Scotland, Norway...this is where...Earth and Sky come together...it is a hub and we spread from there.

K: So there's truth to Celtic lore or Icelandic...Nordic lore more or less?

S: More or less.

K: Makes sense with the species and the travelling. Makes a lot of sense but it's...it's almost like you're showing me revolving doors to come and go from.

S: Yes.

K: I have so many images that it's getting difficult to translate them. For me...jeez...you know this earth better than anyone or anything.

S: Beings visit. They watch. We have the knowledge. And we give that knowledge to anyone that asks and to anyone that takes action on the information. If not...it is just wishful thinking.

K: So the fantasy of the fairies are for those who are only willing to keep them at arm's length. Because when you come in...it's power. Dude, you bring it. It's almost like...you have that ego...you carry frustration. You carry almost like an impatience sometimes.

S: Yes.

K: But at the same time...it's used as that yin yang relationship. It's used for a better or a higher purpose than a judgement call or to pick a fight or to blame.

S: Yes.

K: Some of you are more heavy hitters than others.

S: Yes. It comes with age.

K: Really?

S: As with humans, all of these...irritations or sentiments or things that light us up...

K: (laughing) You're using my language.

S: I am. These can be attributed to age. But with age also comes the ability to feel it and also be mature enough to know where that energy can best be used. Is there a common goal to reach? Of course and we are all capable of working towards achieving those common goals even if they don't look the same or are perceived to be the same.

K: As a first...introduction, what would you like people to know?

S: Me?

K: Yeah. I mean, you came because you wanted...not recognition but you wanted to be a face for a world that wants to work with us or communicate with us. So what is that starting point?

S: People ask if we exist and we do.

K: Okay.

S: And as with Spirit or energies of Beings that are communicated with and honored...I guess you could say, we wish the same.

K: Of course.

S: And it is time to understand that the bridge being built is not only an escalator going up but it is to realms and dimensions that are quite visible. You don't have to beg to see. We co-exist with you as many do. Take away the fairytale and replace that with yet another race of beings that are ready and willing to partner in responsibility for our home. It's time for the partnership.

K: I feel that's really important for you.

S: It is.

K: I'll help in any way I can.

S: Which is why I have introduced myself. I don't wait on anyone. I see who's available. I appreciate the time I shared with Sharon. I believe she got a better understanding of who I am and why I am where I am although it is easy for me to travel and I enjoy it.

K: Yes. Okay, Stirling. I know you want to continue but I'm having trouble holding your energy. Sorry.

S: It's fine. It's fine. Thank you for these hours with you.

K: I really enjoy the difference in connecting with you. It's very different. It's like...I'm drawing from...like we're just walking side by side. It's not all around me. It's directly beside me...tough to explain. Like I'm walking with a human being. Very tangible feeling.

S: Yes.

K: Are you willing to be called in by others who read this who are interested in re-igniting that relationship with the Faye?

S: Of course. I am. Always.

K: Stirling?

S: Yes, Kimberly.

K: Do you love?

S: (smiles) So much. (Heart just cracked. Very tender feeling.)

K: Thank you.

S: We'll be in touch.

K: Of course.

S: Until then.

K: See you, Stirling.

S: Bye.

Conversations with Anthony Bourdain – Logic, Emotion, Happiness

I was told he'd be back. I sit my ass in a chair and BAM...he's back. Welcome Anthony Bourdain.

A: You saw my face and thought...that's a nice guy. I'd like to talk to that guy and so here we are.

K: Something like that...I guess. How are, Bourdain?

A: I'm...(thinks about it with a smirk) pretty darn snazzy.

K: Snazzy?

A: I stole that one from a girl that's called Ireland.

K: Ah. Yes. She enjoys the snazz.

A: We all enjoy a little snazz from time to time. Anyway (rubbing his hands together)...how's the real world?

K: The real world is fantastic. I mean...I guess it would just be a state of mind.

A: It's got a lot to do with it. The state of mind...sort of runs the show a little bit, doesn't it?

K: I think to a certain extent it does. I sort of get from people that the state of mind reflects the feeling but does the feeling really reflect the state of mind?

A: Like a chicken or an egg scenario?

K: Sort of. One of the great mysteries of Earth.

A: (smiles) No doubt. I could think of a million and one ways to answer that but right now...let's just say Noah had something to do with it. Two animals got together to make a hybrid. Then there was an egg.

K: Nice. You're totally joking.

A: I am.

K: So is the state of mind based on feeling or is feeling based on the state of mind.

A: I guess it all boils down to where your head's at. If you're a thinker...those thoughts are probably gonna tell you how to feel. If you're a feeler...those feelings or those emotions are going to tell you how to think. I mean...from what I'm learning here...there's a huge cooperation with the mind and the feel factor...even the physical. What I had no idea about is how closely the relationships between all these things sort of dance this symbiotic dance and if one thing's out of joint...it causes all sorts of meanderings or pitfalls that, quite frankly, people don't want to come out of because they think that they have to slug it out before they can come to some sort of stable flat line existence.

K: Did you want to come to some sort of flat line existence?

A: I think I purposely put myself on some sort of flat line because feeling was incredibly...intense.

K: You're showing me breaking you open.

A: (gesturing to his chest and shaking his head while smiling) I wasn't meant to be an egg that cracked open. I mean...that's a lot of guts all spewed everywhere. I think that...coming to terms or reconciling a lot of my past that I stuffed down...like you were talking with Chris...you can't reconcile it. You were meant to feel it but feeling was so intense that it just sort of...became this thing to escape so I escaped into logic but what was I searching for on my journeys? Something to feel. So...a little fucked up in both ways but to try to maintain some sort of balance for people can be difficult.

K: Is it all about balance though. I don't think so. I think at times...the logical mind has to work more than the emotional state. And sometimes...the emotional state has to take over because...I find with expressing emotion and not hiding it...it's a much freer existence. I feel like both, if working overtime, can send anyone into a tailspin. Mind you the tailspin of over thinking or over logical is the fetal position on the floor rocking yourself and only being able to talk to you and no one else because if anyone got into your overworking brain...they'd run.

A: (smirks) Makes sense.

K: And if the emotions were allowed to run rapid...it would be a shit storm like no other or some sort of weird psychedelic tip toe through the tulips and people would have a hard time watching that or sticking around for that as well. But there are moments where we have to use one more than the other.

A: But at the end of the day...we come home...we wrap it up...and we pour something...maybe water and we digest.

K: But even the digesting can be either/or.

A: Look what happens when someone's been emotional for the whole day. What does a good kickboxing class do or what does a good cry do? It's a release.

K: Yes.

A: And it brings someone back to that logical way of thinking because they got that storm of emotion out and now they can see all storylines and all players and if there's an apology or a talk that needs to be had...it's done in a better state.

K: Yes.

A: The logical...at the end of the day...people write "Dear Diary" (finger quote) or they watch a movie or they have a partner that they can ramble with and just be heard. Then they can connect to that peace of mind where it's easier to feel stuff out because the mind is empty.

K: Yes.

A: Where were we going with this?

K: Where we use some more than others.

A: Right...but then there's a moment where it all comes back to ground zero and it's cleared or rebuilt into something that can be recognized again.

K: Makes sense.

A: Mind you...sometimes it's a process. Processes...man...for some it's like...shit or get off the pot. For some it's more like...think some more but each process is individual and needs to be sort of respected.

K: I agree. But for people's mental and emotional processes...we could get tired of playing the wait game to make sure people are good before...I don't know. People tend to lose patience or get tired of other people's extremes.

A: They do but it's because for some reason they've just invested so much of themselves in one person that it's a hard thing to watch or wait on. Invest in other things. Find other things that give you that happy that you don't need others to contribute to as well. That's why individual...individuality is so important. It can tend to get lost in the dependent relationships of others...people waiting for some sort of permission before they can start enjoying life until another person or persons decide they're ready too. I think that sort of thing has to stop and people really need to get to know themselves on that intimate level of discovery. People don't know themselves that well anymore. They try to relate to another person's story...(inhales through his teeth while nodding his head) it's one of those things that...co-dependency I guess you would call it.

K: Would you say that finding your individuality regardless of the close relationships we've built...is pretty important?

A: Well yeah...it's just living the most honest way. You have all these connections but you're your own individual tree. Look at me getting all guru like.

K: It's true though. I can see what you're talking about.

A: I fell for this game...and I think that's what created this misery when I was younger and I wanted to rebel away from it but we play this game that we have to come up to some sort of standard or we have to create a life that's maybe similar or identical in ideals and beliefs as the people we were raised with or those we live with and it's suffocating to be a part of that because it lacks...expression of anything that a person really cares for or wants in life because they're following some sort of path that was laid out for them before they were born which is called tradition. To break away...it's a scary thing because on the lonely highway...now you have to look at yourself and think that age old question of who am I and no one wants to fucking figure that out. It's scary. It's the most freighting reality that you could ever want to figure out but if you're breaking the mold and you going out on your own as Kimberly or as Anthony or as...I don't know...Tallulah...

K: Tallulah?

A: Just came to me...it's a raw journey. It's really raw and because you don't have that legacy or that past to lean on and you're out to create your own...you have to know what you're bringing to your own table. Sometimes...it's not palatable.

K: No. I agree.

A: So then what's palatable? What are you going to stare at in the mirror and what are you going to appreciate and what are you just going to let go of. I think the journey to find yourself is never-ending. It won't end but what's hard about it is the fact that you'll never be the same person at the end of every day because every day holds something for someone that makes them look back and either regret, bemoan, or love and want to happen again. Sleep ensues and by morning you might have forgotten but your body hasn't...your energy hasn't. It holds onto these things as a reminder of what you could be or aren't and that has a tendency to creep up from time to time. Finding yourself is some scary shit and sometimes people sit in what they don't like or sit in what they want to change but don't have the balls to actually do it. They wait for some sort of moment of self-discovery or awakening to give themselves permission...okay BAM...now that's you. It doesn't happen that way. It's a process that is inevitable. Sometimes people wait until the end of their life to even want to (know) because now some doctor has given them some sort of deadline and that bucket list of self-discovery moments that has been on the back burner...it's panic time to get it all done. Won't happen. Don't wait until you find out an expiry date to figure out who you are. It's not that you wasted an opportunity because in the everyday there's always opportunity...but it could've been bigger if you just gave yourself the opportunity to bring all of you to the table and not just some because you didn't think it was good enough.

K: Is finding who you are...at the core of everything...is that happiness?

A: I don't know. Would you be happy if you knew who you were at the core of everything? Or would you be left disappointed because you thought it would be more?

K: If I thought it would be more...than I'm comparing myself to a preconceived idea about who I should be.

A: (grins) Throws it right back to me.

K: I will.

A: I know. Happiness...people search for this word happiness. What the fuck does happiness mean? A person definitely has the ability to create that for themselves.

K: Is happiness a creation of the Self?

A: You're asking the wrong guy about happiness.

K: I'm sure I'm not. I think you're the perfect guy to ask about happiness. Do you create happiness or is it a state of being?

A: Happiness is created through a happy state of being but happiness...for me...that's more content. It's full. It's...taking a deep breath and looking around yourself with a smile and being at peace with what is. It's this state of...not having to search for something because you're fine with what is. People try to find this idea of happy by putting on some hiking boots...carrying a pack and travelling halfway around the world because their happiness lives halfway around the world. Happiness isn't in some sort of destination. Happiness is how you get there because with happiness...you attract those...opportunities to you. Happiness starts at home. It's that center and everything sort of rotates around that. (hold up his pointer finger and circles it with another)

K: Some people tend to think they have to continuously find it. But I think it's a memory. I think it's sometimes just hidden or undercover of daily life or difficult situations. I mean...we can all remember what it's like to be happy because it's ingrained in our whole...being. So if it's this state of being...isn't it just covered up? People tend to think that triggers are only in anger. Triggers can elicit that happy place or that joy factor as well.

A: Absolutely. So then you're saying that it's always a part of you regardless of what's happening outside of you.

K: Because we can maintain it by looking after Self...all that Self-care stuff because I think when we give ourselves that much needed attention...we maintain that positive outlook. If we're looking outside of ourselves for attention...whether that be from people or spirit...it's not fulfilling because Self-care is an extremely intimate thing. So the outside will always lack because if you're lacking in the Self-care department...happiness won't be lasting.

A: Covered.

K: It's hard to put into words what I'm feeling.

A: If someone is having trouble finding that happy...it's time to change things up. Because life is dull. Life gets dull and energy gets dull when life gets dull so if you're doing the same thing over and over again...it's gonna get dull. I think to re-ignite some sort of happy factor that you already have...you have to re-light and by re-light...be okay with how you've changed. People don't recognize themselves anymore so they go on these journeys of self-discovery to get that back...to get who they were, back because that's when they were happy. Can't go back in time and if you were to try to recreate something...it would never be the same...people are different...buildings change...people die. I think you can grasp the feeling. So instead of going on a journey of Self-discovery...what if we all went on a journey of opening ourselves up to feeling without thinking so much that we need to recreate the exact thing that made us happy. That can never be re-created. Players of the world have changed but to feel it...to be open to feeling it...we can be open to discovering it...feeling it with different players; with different terrain. People think...yeah, high school was the best time of my life. Let's go to the 20 year reunion because then we'll get those good times back. You go into that gym and it's awkward as fucking hell and you're in bed by ten. It can't be recreated. But if you went into that high school gym and you went with the premise of discovering that feeling...you'll find it. It's just been twerked and that feeling is usually reminiscing with people that have changed but also finding out what they've been doing and that they've changed and the happiness is re-connecting with new relationships of how people are now and not who they were.

K: I totally get that. Recreating situations just to find that happy when happy could happen with change. Yeah...that makes sense because then being happy would start internally and not be reliant on anything outside of yourself.

A: (nods) I think so. At the end of my life...there were so many times that I went back to places to try to find those moments that were pivotal in who I became...then. I wanted to get back to something that I had been...then because in doing that...in my mind...I would start feeling okay and full again. Trying to do that sort of spun me in a direction that...the silver lining was gone. It was more of a feeling of been there done that. It was great times and I had a good time but when I'd go to bed...it was still empty. I was relying on the happiness of my past to allow me some sort of happy future. I was trying to get back who I was because I didn't like who I had become because it was a lonely place. Twenty years ago...I wasn't so lonely. But I was travelling to the other side of the world to try and find that in a destination and I was trying to recreate that as someone completely different. I wasn't a single guy with no apple of the eye. I had a daughter where the simple experiences in life were what I fell back on to feel complete. I ignored that and by ignoring the little things or the simplistic things...I began to search for the idea of happiness that I thought I left on the other side of the world. Did I know myself? Probably not in...I didn't always like what I brought to the table so I went out searching for more with this...I forgot that I had to prepare and cook that and present it. By that time...it was just too fucking hard. So am I really the one to talk about happiness?

K: Yes. Because you realize it. Not everyone realizes it or they realize it but now they go to the extreme where instead of feeling happy with who they are or what they bring to the table...they maybe start feeling resentful because they're bringing everything to the table and no one else is.

A: So why are you begging or buying affection from people that just can't pay your price?

Stunned.

K: (speechless) I don't even know if it was...something to be charged for until they felt spent and empty.

A: That's the risk. See...there's no Self-care there. That for people that were trying to buy or convince others that they're worth it and they're a happy place to be...but it comes at a price because they, then, want the others to pay them back to some degree.

K: But life is a give and take. It's an exchange.

A: But an individual who is working so hard to give of themselves...usually is ignoring their happy quotient and one day it will hit them between the eyes that they've given so much and no one else has and they've never really been happy so they start blaming those who could only pay by being grateful for them in their lives. Sometimes for the giver...the constant giver...that's not good enough. Now they want recognition...which was the point of all the giving...so now their happiness is lost and they just sit in regret and resentfulness.

K: Not always though.

A: No. Not always. That's the extreme. That's the emotional thinker.

K: Oh God! The emotional thinker?

A: The crap feelings or the lonely feelings get them thinking that something or someone's wrong...including themselves...which creates more emotion. You think any of that is happy?

K: What about people that say giving makes them happy?

A: A lot of people do feel that way. It's called generosity. Sometimes the generous...they need to start being generous with themselves without having a chip on their shoulder about what they haven't received back.

K: The chips. Good one. I've had some chips.

A: We've all had chips. Let them fall off. Not worth it. People can only give what they can give and to feel like it's not enough...give what you can give with an open mind and an open heart with no attachment. That's the way to give. That's giving and that's how to receive. Nothing to attach to. No pay back...no pay forward. Just giving and receiving for the sole purpose of happy happy joy joy. Then you won't feel so depleted or ignored when you don't receive it back in the ways that you want it because people are so different and gifting isn't always the same. Some people can buy...some people can be a shoulder...some people write notes...some people just check in but every one of those...is a gift in a way. A good gift because on any level...it just means they care and how they can express that care for them.

K: Awesome. You're awesome. You're amazing.

A: (waves me away) You learn a thing or two when you...when you're free to do that.

K: Free to do that?

A: I got some time on my hands...I'm regrouping and regathering. I like to share my newfound knowledge.

K: I'll share it.

A: It's a good place...a nice place. This is a place of happy. Contentment. A beach with a beer.

K: It is...isn't it.

A: (looks around) Yeah. So I'm going to have more beer....

K: (laughing)

A: And you have yourself a great day.

K: I will. Thank you.

A: You're welcome. People throw this love word around like it's today's news.

K: Yeah. Agreed.

A: Does it have the same meaning?

K: Topic for another time. But for me...it does.

A: (nods) Let's share the meaning.

K: Okay. Love you, Bourdain.

A: Love you. Have a good one.

K: Will do.

A: Bye.

Gets up, goes to a cooler with some beers, snatches one and walks away on a white sandy beach. Barefoot and jeans rolled up to just above the ankles. Man...what a life.

Conversations with Anton Yelchin – Mixed Bag Including Sacred Union, Universes, Planets, Quantum Stuff & DNA

...and still...it's all connected for the one main purpose which is YOU. Believe it. Anton says. Please God let the readers be able to follow the crazy train.

K: This channel will probably take me a week to get through. You do know this, right? Like multiple cans of worms have been opened here.

A: I know. And it won't take a week but I do (winks) suggest you take your time because you might explode and honestly (funny wince) that would be disgusting for people around you.

K: Can't I just implode like the star I am?

A: (laughs) Okay. You can implode and take everyone and everything with you in your black hole.

K: They might like it there.

A: In Kim's black hole? (thinks) It would be pretty interesting.

K: That's a word for it.

A: How you holdin' up?

K: I'm okay. Thanks.

A: You're more than okay. So...I don't even know how to get this linear for you but I will try. I will try to use words and phrases that you will understand.

K: Okay. Thank you for that. I will take my time with this. I've been jotting notes down and I have texts that have come in with some questions about Earth and lives and sacred union stuff coming now...

A: We won't touch the romance of it...(little gasp) I shouldn't even say that. Kim! What've I done!!!

K: Thanks for that.

A: All good. You used to be a romantic. What happened?

K: It's still there.

A: Hhmm. Hidden a little.

K: Yeah. A little. I'll have moods where I just have to read some sort of romance novel but I feel like romance and daily living can sort of come together in a way. Tough to describe. It's like...I find romance can have a lot to do with the little things now and it doesn't always have to be someone jetting off to Paris to sleep in a hotel room with a bed full of rose petals. I like the lying in bed with coffee and a book, or something, on a rainy day and just listening to it as it drops.

A: (pauses) Sure. Okay.

K: You started it.

A: I did and that...I would have to agree with. Yeah...grandiose is good sometimes but romance...we throw that word of intimacy around a lot but we negate the true definition of it and there's been chats about that so we won't rehash. (rubs his hands on his thighs) But we will get into some other things. I say...start with the texts.

K: Paul's book and the chapter of lives being all the same and then Cory's talk about to-do lists from heaven. Brought up some stuff...

A: I'll say.

K: And this is why I have to take my time with this because I don't understand this stuff. I just assume you guys (Spirit/Heaven) got your stuff together and givin' it to me where I don't question it. When I get the info, I absorb and that's it. I'm not a big questioner unless I'm in a conversation. However...some are and that's awesome. Stay curious my friends. Stay curious. Don't get jaded.

A: Yeah. Absolutely.

K: But then it all got mashed up like stew becoming baby food.

A: Okay. So we have to break it down which we're totally cool with.

K: Okay. Did I ask you how you were?

A: You're stalling.

K: Okay okay. Let's talk about Earth a little bit here. So, background, I have a friend...

A: (Waves and winks. He totally knows.) Hi friend!

K: I introduced her to this sacred union relationship which she's very cool with.

A: Yes.

K: And when they incarnated together...it wasn't on earth.

A: No. I know him. He's a pretty cool guy.

K: (remembering when I met him) Yes. I told him to put his sword away. I just did my hardwood.

A: (laughs)

K: She was saying how she didn't really get how us Earthlings are classified as these warriors because from what I got from...let's call him...Liam.

A: Liam?

K: Privacy.

A: Ah. (says it slowly)

K: Their existence in Timbuctoo wasn't so rosy.

A: No.

K: So why are we, Earthlings, so awesome and those other planets aren't really talked about?

A: Because it's all you know and what you want to know...well some of you. The science fiction buffs would be all over it. So, first of all, it's all you know. It's all you can relate to. You can relate to Earth's dark ages. You can relate to possible Earth futures compared to other species that you hear about. Right?

K: Right.

A: But Earth is all you know and it's the biggest thing you can grasp when it comes to the idea of being this dualistic planet that has this continuous internal and external struggle involved in living here.

K: Yes.

A: But in your galaxy...it's the one that's at that...it's at that tipping point of awakening. Even though it's going to take a few more years to get there...talk to me in the next century...we (spirit) see it like it's going to happen tomorrow. So to share it in your view...it's the only planet...right now...where it's come to this point, based on the behaviors and intentions of the beings living on it whether that be humans or animals or plants...whatever. Now...if we were going to take that and expand out...there's other planets that are steeped in duality. Are they at the same place as Earth? Some are and some aren't but the difference is you looking at a planet still in the 50s and one that's living 2035. It's that close.

K: Okay.

A: But it's in a different galaxy...it could be in a different universe. But to keep it relatively simple for you to understand...Earth is what you know and any planet that is close to where you are is just a few decades off.

K: Huh.

A: See...Earth was this planet that was uninhabited and it sat in a really cool place in space where it was this hub...it was...sort of like equal distance to so many places...especially gateways and rips through time and space.

K: (Oh no. The ride begins.) Fuck! Here we go.

A: (smirks) And that's what makes it so...beings wanted to see what could be done with the place because it was so new and so beautiful and had so many potentials. But, I mean, through time and space...we're not all a bunch of cuddle bugs.

K: Your word and not mine. That is stated for the record.

A: Sure. Now, you did have your good guys and you did have your bad guys. You had those planets that wanted to start a race somewhat similar to them. Pleiadians for example. They are humans that already lived what you guys are living now. They're beyond ancient and when they came to earth...they were already like...so beyond your perception of spiritual or magic or whatever you want to call it. They were cosmic. They knew quantum and they used it. It was the only way they could come to earth and discover the planet and want to work with it.

K: Did Earth have a say?

A: When the Earth received Her consciousness...that's when She had Her say. When that consciousness of Earth was born...that energy or that life force of Earth was woken up.

K: Then it's sort of like crystals. They'll stay asleep until you program them with your intent.

A: Exactly. See...consciousness always is. It's always there. That's what's quantum but it has to be...turned on...I guess would be the best way to say it.

K: Okay.

A: Like crystals. There's a nice vibe to them. They look pretty but when they're programmed and used with intent...you turn them on and that vibe instantly changes and develops and grows.

K: Good.

A: Where was I?

K: Earth...born...consciousness.

A: So it's always there. That's what quantum is. It's always there but it works at full capacity when turned on. It's always turned on. But there's a dimmer switch.

K: Oh My God! Anton! This is worse than when I was channeling the book.

A: (chuckles) I know. That's why I asked you to take your time. Now Liam...his planet would be in that sort of same time frame as your ancient worlds. So...Liam's duality factor might be a little off course. So there's dark and light, right?

K: Yes.

A: So the darkness quotient of that place could be a little heavier than the light. You talk about your dark ages like this pretty gruesome time. It was because the scales of that light and dark were pretty uneven. But on this planet...there was still light there and that was the union of Liam and "friend".

K: Superheroes.

A: Yes. But they were...the level of light these two "people" contained did not fit into that world of dark and so they had a lot against them but they still made it work. However...that circle didn't complete itself because the expression of that light was either kept in secret or not acted on. Now...because Earth is in this place of more light than dark...the light of that couple...that sacred union, can be shared and expressed here and in doing that...it grows that light quotient around "friend" and Liam so he can be "more" where he is now.

K: OH!!!!!! So when we realize these unions...it's not just for us but for that part of the spirit that couldn't express that as Liam.

A: (points to me) Exactly.

K: And there's the gold star and the ability to start vibing higher. Because you're using both lives sort of in one (life) and using that to raise the vibration of not only yourself...but for Earth in general.

A: Because it's all connected.

K: But it's hard. It's not an easy union to participate in.

A: Because it's breaking barriers. "Friend" is in this contained egg shell that's cracking. Because she has that light source from Liam, it has the ability to explode. That's the uncomfortable part because it's the destruction of all that people thought was into what really is and that's the light factor...the love factor...the truth factor. It's beyond what the illusion is and when we start increasing our vibration...we question it and we get scared because it's not what we know. That's why science fiction scares some people. It's because it's not what we know. It's not what you know. Earth is what you know and that's why Earth is talked about while all these other "Earths" are sort of this secret club for those willing to think outside of those boundaries. Everything that exists within and without is limitless but humans set the standard for that...personally and outwardly into what they're living.

K: Wow.

A: Now...on Liam's planet...you still raise in vibration. You still get to that point but it more has to do with the people that came to shake things up...like the example of Liam and "Friend"...they shone that light instead of letting that dark run the show. It felt like they lost but they actually won. Everyone does but this "Friend" has to know...they actually won through that perceived loss. What's the outcome...that she's able to connect with him now. How cool is that?

K: It's very cool. Very very cool.

Took a break to take my daily walk and we were talking while walking so I'll bring up that stuff now.

K: You said that by...it's sort of that by receiving that light from this sacred union that you're giving that light back so they can be more where they (spirit) are now. Some would think that's a huge responsibility.

A: Yeah. Some may think that but that's an attitude that has to be adjusted. If you're thinking of it like a responsibility and not as a blessing than there needs to be a re-evaluation of why you invited it in the first place because on some level...whether you're aware of it or not...you invited it so to think in a "negative" term and not a freely given gift of this spirit term...why are you participating?

K: (saluting) Yes Sir, Anton Sir.

A: Yes Ma'am.

K: And when you were talking about the planets that have more dark than light and more light than dark...are there like...just dark places/planets?

A: Oh yeah. That's a no fly zone.

K: For just the incarnated or spirit/souls? Like astral travel...

A: Both. Like...wipe it off your radar because it'll...it's the succubus's of the planets. Don't even consider.

K: Huh. Interesting. Let's close that can.

A: Closed. I know...people get to thinking. You know some.

K: I do. So can is closed.

A: Good.

K: The Earth Globe-Trotters...to raise their vibration they come to earth. But you were saying there's other places like earth...

A: Earth is that new cool kid in school.

K: Ah. Got it.

A: There's planets being born all the time. To keep it simple...Earth is the cool new kid in school. All the boys want her and all the girls want to be like her.

K: (chuckling) Nice.

A: And some are just...that's their thing. They feel a responsibility to Her so they will keep coming back because they have such a deep connection to this planet that they want to. It's because...it's almost like a protector or a bodyguard. Not just to the Earth Herself but to the people as well.

K: Animals...environment.

A: Yes. Exactly. I think Paul just mentioned Earth because he's one of those people and plus...like I said earlier...it's just relatable.

K: Got it. I think that's it for that part.

A: Do you have a Sacred Union?

K: (uncomfortable laugh) No.

A: Are you sure?

K: Positive.

A: You're sure.

K: No doubt.

A: Really....? (squeaky questioning voice)

K: Really.

A: Damn! I thought I could get you.

K: Not a chance.

A: You didn't even waver.

K: I ain't got time for that. No offense to those...people that are...doing that. Okay...

A: (laughing) You have enough on your plate. Plus...your chapters are pretty complete.

K: I certainly do and...why thank you, sir.

A: Okay. What's next?

K: Not sure. I have to get my...I wrote notes as we were chatting this morning.

A: You have to for sure. (to the readers) I was showing Kim a lot of imagery.

K: I want to get into...I guess first we would have to start with quantum and I don't do science very well so if you could just give it in a way I could translate?

A: I will do my best. It's...beyond perception. It's the super computer. It can't be contained. It is the substance that holds time and space together but it's not a substance. It's energy. It can't be created and it can't be destroyed. It...Is. It's the is-m of the Universe. It's what people call the "I Am"...if you want to get into the spirit of it. It's not static...fixed. It's constantly in motion because it's always vibrating at some rate. It's not part of the illusion. It's part of what's real...actually...it's the building blocks to what is reality that people just consider...science fiction. Quantum is the fine print that no one reads but what says it all.

K: And it can be measured.

A: Yeah. It can be measured. It's waves. It's not in a straight line. If it was in a straight line...it would sort of fail to exist because nothing is on a straight line. That's for people to figure out a start and end point but if you take Earth and what I was saying about consciousness...which quantum is by the way...even if it (Earth) wasn't awake...it was still there.

K: So can you explain it in terms of connectedness. Like humans.

A: Think of...you're looking at cells in a microscope. Let's say you have the cells of the liver so the liver is holding it together but the cells are a part of the liver and they all connect to the liver while remaining a separate entity. So the Earth is this organ while all that's contained in her is contributing to her existence as a whole but they're also separate. Like...take the sun. The sun as a whole. Now...it lets off these spurts of energy, right?

K: Yes.

A: So, in quantum...that is still a part of the sun but it's separate as it travels so really...it's still a part of even though it thinks of itself as separate.

K: I see that.

A: So when we're talking about humans being all connected...they are all part of that I Am...that whole of the central sun...or Earth, yet they believe themselves to be separate because they're living this life or that life. But the life you live has a direct impact on the world around you and that has a direct impact on the worlds around you. So as a human being is a part of something as small as Earth or the Milky Way, start considering, for a second, that you are also part of the cosmic whole. That's quantum and even when the skin and bones are no more...you still exist because it's energy and it returns...on that cosmic level...to that central sun.

K: I would say ripples but it's more like a spider web.

A: Yeah. Ripples are one thing but those fine strings...it's string theory. If you take the Merkabah...that's a web and it remains separate but it also connects to the web of everyone else and everyone else after that and it continues in this fine interconnected webbing that is infinite.

K: So what happens on Earth...actually has an effect on a huge cosmic level and not just to Earth and Her inhabitants.

A: Correct.

K: Okay. I have to look at my notes.

A: We (humans) are the microcosm connected to the macrocosm of existence.

K: Can you explain the quantum of the spirit...like you are as you come to me.

A: I'm like...you know that art where you just use, like, a million dots and they make this picture...this image but the dots stay separate when you look really closely?

K: Yes.

A: I'm the dot...but I'm also the image. All of me can separate in this explosion of sparks and each spark is a piece of me either incarnated or visiting my incarnations or just checking in on people that call my name.

K: Okay.

A: But all those little sparks that flew out, can rejoin to make me as that I Am that we ultimately are.

K: When you showed me, it was like fireworks or a million and one fireflies exploding out from the center of your image as Anton and then reverse it and they build that super image of Anton while remaining little fireflies or sparks.

A: Yes. Exactly. Man...I wish you could take what you see in your mind and YouTube it.

K: So do I! It would be so much easier. I hope I did that justice.

A: Yeah. You did. And that bigger image that the sparks create is quantum and the sparks that separate...that are still me...is quantum. Now if you think about it...that means I, as Anton, can watch me, as Anton. I can connect with myself in any time or place and it's still me. I can watch my actions and I can interact with what I'm doing in a whole 360 while still...to some...being separate.

K: I mean...that's wild. So I could be watching me type out this channel.

A: Yes. And that's sort of how parallel worlds work because a choice creates a split and that split creates another world but you're still you. Just with different outcomes and experiences.

K: This is so mind blowingly big.

A: It is. I know. You're doing really good Kim.

K: We, as humans, are already quantum...

A: Yes.

K: But what would make us realize that?

A: You would have to get into DNA a little bit among other things.

K: Share?

A: You have working DNA and you have latent DNA or DNA that has been turned off. The thing I want to mention about DNA is that it is you but it's also separate from you because it is part of that string that connects to the whole. DNA is very underused. That's changing now. DNA is changing. DNA morphs in all things but for the humans...it's changing to bring that whole enlightenment thing and it's bringing new organs and stuff that will support not only the new spiritual human but the new physical human.

K: Wow.

A: I don't want to get too much into that but with DNA...think of it...you had a question about implementing that life plan or that to-do list that a person comes in with...like Cory was talking about?

K: Yeah.

A: It's like there's these little sparks that sort of pop off the DNA structure. It's usually not in the parts that are already in use. It's the ones that are lying dormant but occasionally you'll get this pop off of little sparks. It's sort of juicing up. The cosmic part of you is sort of trying to flip the switch of your dormant DNA because some of it is supposed to start working again.

K: Just like programming and waking up crystals.

A: Exactly.

K: Is that the crystalline of the DNA?

A: Yes! You're getting it!

K: Sorry, I interrupted.

A: It's okay. I'm excited. Okay, so the higher self is lighting the spark...trying to get that current going and it's sparking. These sparks are the little a-ha's or urges to think differently or act differently or take chances or learn something really new...stuff like this.

K: Got it.

A: The human will feel the spark like a little jolt of what if or an epiphany.

K: Mmmhhhmm.

A: To awaken that DNA...that tiny part of DNA...is to action it. Then you've started to realize your "Quantum". Once you start doing that...it sort of has that snowball effect and that's when humanity starts living like a Pleiadian or Sirian or whatever.

K: About that?

A: Yeah?

K: I had a question about why those races, or the alien races we know of, have it so easy.

A: Because they did the work. They evolved from where you are now to where they are now. They have it easy now but it's because they paid their dues and worked to get that.

K: Will we get that?

A: Yes. No question. Will it take a longer amount of time or shorter...depends on how many people have that best intention of making the world a really fucking fantastic place to live by setting that example and standard. There comes a point where...like the Pleiadians...this isn't working anymore. We have to change some things or we're down the toilet.

K: Yes!

A: The idea or the desire is on Earth but the action isn't yet. And it takes the collective.

K: Got it. So be good. Do good and have that ripple.

A: That's the ripple. The ripple is more the action and the outcome. The web...the string is more what is.

K: Got it.

A: Action activates not only lives but that consciousness of the human being; that quantum of the human being.

K: Yes. And lately we've talked so much about action...with any of you guys and I'm starting to feel like a broken record.

A: Sorry, Kim. It will be repeated and repeated until people actually realize that if you want cycles to end and new stories to tell...you have to take the action.

K: In saying that...I had a question about Divine Intervention and if it exists...

A: Yeah.

K: We, as humans, choose the what or we get those a-ha's, ideas or epiphanies...

A: (nodding slowly) Yes.

K: And the Divine takes care of the how?

A: Then the Divine would actually be doing it for you and YOU came to do it for you. The responsibility is yours. Look, it's always good to have a plan of action and to actually initiate the action. The how is the Divine tweaking it a little and putting things in your path to learn from or gain that higher perspective or make you stop thinking and grasping the steering wheel of life so tightly. In all things...YOU have to make the first move. Always. Life...life will unfold how you expect it to. That's why we always say to release expectations because then you're actually allowing for that surprise. Make the first move and have a little faith while we sort of direct a little. It's like a parent. You let go little by little but you're still involved but the kid's livin' it.

K: Yes. Thank you for that. Can we see quantum?

A: Well, Ryker talked a little bit about that.

K: That was the veil. How would we see the quantum of something? Like on Earth.

A: Okay...when you start looking at an object and you stare...the focus naturally begins to blur. What you're actually doing is looking through it because what you're staring at is part of this illusion and this illusion is more like a hologram. So when you stare at something and it gets a little hazy, you're permeating that "substance" and seeing the energy of it...that quantum quotient...what's real.

K: Then it really is possible for us to use those quantum gifts, that we innately have at the core of us that want to...awaken or turn on.

A: Absolutely. Because you have to remember...humans aren't separate and they never were. It's just a matter of understanding the difference between illusion and reality and to start practicing that stuff we all like to call magic. For me...magic is every moment of every day because I'm that state. Once you realize that and use it and practice it and believe in it...connect with it in the smallest amounts every day...you're just like me...because we're a part of each other while existing separately. Quantum.

K: Can I be honest?

A: Yes.

K: I'm tired. Please don't be mad. (joking)

A: I know. I put a lot of imagery in this and you translating it has taken a lot of your quantum.

K: It totally has but it's been a welcome adventure. If only we can record it somehow.

A: Yeah. I know.

K: Especially the whole sparkles exploding away from each other and then coming back to each other. Wild.

A: It's what it is.

K: Do you feel less when you're just a dot than when you're that whole?

A: No. It feels the same.

K: Cool. I'm glad.

A: Me too.

K: Behave yourself.

A: Always. Have a really good rest of your day. Stay warm.

K: I will.

A: And...you got this.

K: I know. See you soon.

A: Yes. Love you.

K: I love you.

A: Bye, Kim.

K: Bye.

Conversations with Chris Cornell – Past, Present & Future

Just a little talk. I wrote this one out by hand so it's shorter just because...there's a reason I turned to automatic typing but I had opened my journal and he just popped in and started talking. No problem with me. Chris is someone who is completely laid back while totally engaged and he comes in and out like a phone call just to see how you are. Today I could actually spend some quality time with him. Here's my chat with Chris Cornell.

C: Man Kim...you can cook.

K: (a little less than enthused) Yes. It's a gift.

C: (laughs a little) Why are you being sarcastic about it?

K: I don't know. Because it's just something I've always done that...I never really considered anything special. I cook. Had to cook. Have to cook. I just put food on my table. It came easily. I think that when I get into the cultural mood is when I really get into it. There's more care because I would hate to feed something to someone and it wasn't authentic or I didn't put time into it like the people of those cultures would.

C: Yeah. Impressive. I get that. One of the benefits of seeing or travelling the world is partaking a little bit in the culture...especially with food.

K: Totally. I mean, my travel bucket list is circled around food...eating...drinking.

C: I'd have to agree with you there.

K: You've been peeking in a bit. How are you?

C: It's been quiet.

K: It's funny you should say that because I've been remembering our first conversation...when you first came to talk and I asked what it was like without that ego voice and you said it was quiet.

C: Very quiet.

K: How is that to adjust to?

C: Umm...it gets filled with other things; things that you normally wouldn't give a thought to but those ideas...there's nothing to say you can't or you shouldn't so you just do...whatever it is that your ego would tell you is fucked up.

K: Totally.

C: So, then it just makes room for this incredible amount of...experience because there's nothing stopping you or there's not this feeling that it's dumb or not possible.

K: Did you feel, at times while in the physical, that you stopped yourself? Because of the ego?

C: Of course, I think everyone does. It's this general course of action especially when you're bummed out or you do that to yourself. (bum yourself out) But that's old news

K: It is old news. So, speaking of old news...I was thinking about doing a conversation on past, present and future. Are you the guy to do that?

C: I have some experience with it.

K: Yes. You do. So are you in?

C: I'm in.

K: I was thinking about...reconciling a past. We always hear forgiving our past but what about reconciling?

C: Reconciling... I think that's more the logical way to look at it. (twirling his finger at his temple)

K: For many though...to forgive a past, they tend to think long and hard about it...maybe thinking of "what ifs" (finger quote) before they can let it go or give themselves permission...sort of like scrutinizing the situation or the players.

C: If you're reconciling a past like that, wouldn't that mean...yeah, giving yourself permission in some way before you can let it go. I agree with that.

K: But...to even forgive a past...it's difficult, as well, to just let it go.

C: Not all pasts need to be reconciled. See, people tend to think of pasts in these shitty negative terms. I think that it's one of these things...like good memories seemed to have just happened yesterday and aren't considered "pasts". They're spoke of like back in the day where if you were to ask someone about their past, the first thing that's remembered is something "bad" and that they still have to get over or reconcile. Reconciling is making sure everything that's happened is all on this balanced scale but it can't really be that way. So if someone's trying to reconcile or balance a past, they'll always look at it like something...that it wasn't great.

K: But then, if a person has been able to...maybe come to terms or forgive, does that, then, make room for realizing just how far we've come or how much we've grown in terms of emotional maturity?

C: Yeah. Absolutely. But...we can't all be Oprah. For a lot...we just tend to want to forget so that's neither reconciling or forgiving. It's just not...there's no willingness...how do I say this? If it's just never reconciled or forgiven, a past can be recreated or relived because there was no real lesson taken from what happened.

K: Which is along those lines of reconciling or forgiving to experience some sort of emotional or mental maturity so we don't repeat what we didn't really like. I mean...if we're thinking about the past with a bad taste in our mouth, are we not more susceptible to repeat the same patterns with this belief that we're living it differently or trying to make up for but since we're not sure about how...or we live this new present while trying to recreate the past...it's just this cycle and I know I'm rambling.

C: I follow it completely I get it and I think, to a certain extent, that's very true. We had these experiences that we believed should have appeared a certain way or should have benefitted us in a certain way and they didn't so people purposely repeat those cycles to make up for some sort of bitter lost cause but if people are repeating these cycles, they're neglecting the fact that the part they played...was probably more heavy than the other party.

K: Agreed. Not always but to a certain extent.

C: Yeah. A past isn't always caused by our actions or inactions. If we find ourselves in a bitter place, we probably feel we've been shit on. But eventually we realize that we shit on others as well and until we own up to the parts we play, we'll continuously play this hurt victim of our pasts and repeat those patterns because we didn't learn anything from them.

K: Yes.

C: So a past...that term...has this negative connotation whereas a memory...usually has a positive one and allowed us to feel amazing so we have a fondness for it and don't feel the need to repeat it but maybe recreate it on some level so the people we know and love now can experience those same feelings. But that's with the intention. Repeating patterns from the past...that usually has little intent behind it because lessons haven't been learned so we unconsciously repeat that.

K: Makes a lot of sense.

C: It's good. I like this one.

K: So the present...is that shaped, in one way or another, by our past?

C: Unless you have the mentality of this blank canvas every single new day, the past does shape who we are now. But, any life experience will shape us in some form because that's life. We were born to live in whatever way that happened over time and it brought us to these places of now. But now is cool, right. Because now we can make choice and if we live in the past, we can literally make no choices because we're stuck in what we continue to live but if we live in the future, we're full of stress and anxiety waiting to see what will happen. Some even see psychics as some way to prepare. It's impossible because the future is built on the initiatives and actions of the whole fucking world. The present allows choice. There's not even a balance. The whole thing about the past not being changeable is very true. The present is based on the understanding or the knowledge...that you got through it. You lived it and now you can repeat it or move in a completely new direction which then directs the future.

K: What do you see people living in more? The situations of the past or the maybes of the future?

C: I would rename that and make it the wishes or the hopes of the future.

K: True. What do you see?

C: Hhhmmm...I see a lot of things. (chuckles) You know...I see a lot of people my age or your age living in the past. I see a lot of the youth of today...projecting themselves far into the future which is lacking preparation. They just assume...a lot. Does that make them a little entitled...maybe a little but I wouldn't say that for all youth. But...there's this lack of preparation thinking that it's all going to be what they desire because they've been told all through their young lives that if they think it...it will just happen and I think that it's sort of these pitfalls of these "New Age" or "Spiritual Teachings". People tend to skip the action part or the working for it because if you just think it...it will happen.

K: But you have that.

C: More times than not...we still like to take the action. It just looks a lot different.

K: I get that. For sure. What about a past that comes back to haunt you?

C: Pasts coming back to haunt you are just opportunities for you to put a stop to behaviours...either yours or others for good. Usually because it has to so all parties can move into a future...clean. When a person moves into the future uninhibited by anything...it actually paves the way for purpose. Purpose doesn't include pasts that come in and out like a revolving door because the future isn't a revolving door. It's...are you in or are you out. Get off the merry-go-round.

K: Do people have a merry-go-round for a future?

C: When we talk about revolving doors or merry-go-rounds...the future is on the outside of that.

K: What about the wheel of fortune card in the Tarot?

C: That's completing a cycle...usually a cycle that was pre-destined before your incarnation.

K: Really?

C: Yeah. Cool, right?

K: Very. We're taught this idea to prepare for the future or make future plans but if the future doesn't exist...why?

C: The future can be shaped and the future is shaped by planning to some extent but I think preparing for some future is to make sure, regardless of what happens, there's a safety plan and I think that to prepare for the future doesn't necessarily mean you're planning for one main event. It's more a safety net for that big question mark or dreams that you're working towards. But dreams of potentials...the unexpected events could be anything. The main event that a person is planning for is usually within the foreseeable future. Not in the next 10-20 years. Usually preparing for the future is financial. No one thinks of preparing emotionally or mentally for futures. It's usually in those very practical ways.

K: How can we prepare mentally and emotionally for futures?

C: It's all about the state of mind in the present. The state of mind or heart or soul of this now moment is what attracts the future possibilities. It's the human magnet.

K: Is that the same as creation?

C: Good one. Huh...let me think about that...creation is what's made from what you attract. The attraction...that magnet is...in my mind...it paves the way for that future. But attraction...by that living in this moment thing without the revolving doors or merry-go-rounds of the past...it creates those clean slates the future seems to be built on.

K: Lately I've been feeling this excitement...like something really great is coming. Like a kid anticipating Christmas because they're about to receive.

C: Yeah.

K: Is that coming from how...blessed I've been feeling about where I've come. Like this point in my life that I've worked for and now I feel like the benefits are here? Or is that just sensing something is coming in my future?

C: Probably both. That child-like excitement like there's something in the air...it's more often a reward for...being a co-creator of the manifestations that are coming but the excitement usually means it's probably going to be a lot better than what you've been planning.

K: I haven't really been planning for anything.

C: Which is even better because it allows us (Spirit) to work in the element of surprise which we love the best. There's nothing better than surprising people with gifts or opportunities that come out of left field. Like surprise parties. But there's also nothing like rewarding someone for noticing the signs and synchronicities and using those instead of ignoring them believing or feeling like they're too hard to follow.

K: That's what if feels like but there's also no timing. I just feel it surrounding me...something's in the air. Like a Phil Collins song.

C: Yeah. It's a good way to be. Just let the future come with arms wide open.

K: Thanks Chris.

C: Thanks Kim. Party at your place, hey?

K: Pretty much. (My son's having a friend sleep over.)

C: Children being happy with each other...there's nothing better. Mind if I hang out and watch?

K: Not at all. You babysit and I'll doze on the couch.

C: Will do. I'll go now. I think they're playing poker.

K: I think it's for chips so all is good.

C: Yeah. No drugs or anything.

K: (laughing) I should hope not. My stash was gone when I was 24.

C: Not much of one.

K: Not really. See you soon.

C: See you.

K: Love you, Chris.

C: Love you. Happy dozing.

K: Oh...you can count on it.

C: Bye.

K: See you.

Conversations with Benjamin Cole Brown – Perception

Have you ever just had someone that comes to see you every day and even though visitors can become a pain in the ass, this someone never could. He's really just a great guy. I encourage anyone that just wants a huge hug that continues until you say stop...this is the guy to do that. Just super sweet and so respectful...you just can't go wrong when choosing to be in the company of Benjamin Cole Brown.

B: Yes. Yes. It's me.

K: I know it's you. Just tryin' to get into the zone.

B: How's that working?

K: Okay.

B: (smiling) Sure.

K: Come on. Don't give me a hard time. It's been a week.

B: Yeah. It has but you know what?

K: What?

B: It's almost over.

K: This is true. How are you Benjamin Cole? You've been hanging out quite a bit and I've enjoyed the company so thank you.

B: Kimberly Maryce, I am very well. I'm really well and it's always nice to visit you. We have to finish the cracker talk though.

K: What?

B: The cracker talk. With the peanut butter or any spread.

K: We were done the cracker talk.

B: No because I...I couldn't convince you to sandwich the spread instead of leaving it open faced. (using hand gestures)

K: But if you leave it open faced you get more spread. The cracker is just the support. The spread, or in my case, the peanut butter, is the most important part of the cracker snack with spread.

B: But if you're using cheese, you need both the crackers to keep it in place.

K: Depends on what kind of cheese. I like the hard cheese but I usually eat my crackers with the spreadable cheese so I leave it open faced so then I can have more cheese.

B: But if you put it in the sandwich way...the cheese squishes out which is super satisfying.

K: This is true. Things squishing out of the sides of crackers is very satisfying. It means that no more will fit.

B: And that's (pointing a finger at me) is indulgence. So I have you convinced.

K: No.

B: (rolls his eyes)

K: Why is this an issue?

B: I just thought I would have you convinced and because I'm a level above you...spiritually speaking...I should be always right.

K: What stories are you telling yourself? It's perception.

B: Very true. No right or wrong...just a statement of perception and preference.

K: Is that part of perception? Preference?

B: It's what clicks with someone.

K: Very true. Want to talk perception?

B: Sure.

K: Because...I guess it's a process by which people translate sensory impressions into a coherent and unified view of the world around them... Hhhmmm, it's not always unified though.

B: No.

K: Why?

B: Because just by that definition, things are perceived through the personal brain of the person gathering that information and that person hasn't lived the life of the guy or girl next to them so the fire hydrant that this guy sees while walking his dog will be differently viewed by that woman that's walking with her kid but it's the same hydrant. It's just perceived differently.

K: Fire hydrant?

B: Let's keep it simple to begin with. So, it's the same red...

K: We have yellow.

B: It's the same yellow fire hydrant but those two people are viewing it from different angles and so that same thing is looked at differently or perceived differently. The guy might think...that's a nice hydrant and the woman might be disgusted with the pee stain on the side.

K: (laughing)

B: Same hydrant.

K: How can we bring the hydrant to the everyday?

B: Assumptions can really skew someone's vision of what they perceive.

K: There's not much that can be perceived from a fire hydrant though.

B: It's true so what if the fire hydrant there (pointing) turned into a person. Let's say this person has had a bad day and isn't looking so hot. Maybe they've been crying. Maybe they just look totally stressed out but they're walking and two people come by.

K: Okay.

B: Person A is going to pass them by shaking their head believing the person should get a grip.

K: Sure.

B: Person B is going to walk by...stop...and ask that person if they need help.

K: Yes.

B: So what do you think the difference is?

K: Empathy? Sympathy? Life circumstance?

B: Person A walks by because he assumes they lack the strength that he thinks he has because his father had that and his father before him. It was the thing to be. A strong person which meant to keep feelings inside and trapped which sort of spreads out to how he perceives his environment. Person A has always been supported in connecting with emotions or the world around them and so it's easier for them to share that with someone they perceive as in trouble and needing some help. So yeah, life...how people have been raised or how they choose to live will influence that perception but perceptions can also be made by judgment calls.

K: And why can perception be a judgement call?

B: Usually because they're comparing with themselves. See, when people take in all this information from outside of themselves, it's up against a ruler or that measuring stick of themselves, personally, and that's the natural thing to do. That comes really naturally and easy. That's why you always hear that come from a place of neutrality which can only come when you've worked out things or perceptions of how you look to yourself and others. That's a comfort level thing. If you're comfortable with yourself and you go for a walk and you pass someone that needs help, you recognize that and you are able to help because you're in that place of neutrality. If someone passes and they're holding a measuring stick to how they've been raised and their perception of "proper behavior" (finger quote) the perception of the one that needs help is considered weakness because of what you've been taught is the right way to be. Perception is so convoluted and personal.

K: So we need to figure out a way to be comfortable with how we perceive ourselves and our perceptions about our place in this world before we can be in that neutral territory of perceiving the world around us and the life here.

B: Yes.

K: Can perceptions be fueled by...I don't know...trying to remain...how would I put this...in the pack?

He's showing me a high school and a group of kids there that rule the show but there's one person that doesn't fit in because that kid's perception of how this group treats others doesn't sit well.

B: So what's this group trying to do? They perceive themselves as so high and mighty that they walk the halls, pushing kids into lockers, using their weight in attitude or in body to control. The perception of others is that to stay on their good side, you have to join the crowd when this kid, that see's things are totally not cool...that perception is I can't stay here. It's not good for me.

K: So many images.

B: I know. Sorry. It's just a quick way to explain things.

K: It's okay. I try my best to translate.

B: It can even boil down to parents or governments or countries. The perception of a country because you live in Canada may be that it's not as good or it's dangerous or whatever but that perception doesn't come from a personal experience of travelling there. That perception comes from the ideas that you see on the news or in the papers or in the magazines. To perceive something with the senses that has been manipulated from outside sources isn't a fair or just (objective) perception. The only neutrality you're going to get is actually going to experience it yourself. Then you can get that fair and neutral bird's eye view of a country that's actually pretty incredible.

K: In your travels when you were here and alive.

B: (laughing) Just so we're clear, right?

K: Just so we're clear. When you were alive...technically you still are for me but potato/potatoe.

B: (still laughing)

K: What were your perceptions of the countries that you visited?

B: Honestly. (rubbing his hands together) I was up for anything. I just wanted to see for myself. I wanted to see, through a lens, what other people regarded as filth...I saw shine. The people are really...they're really just human. The state of a torn up country can make a person that lives there seem poor or impoverished or violent or whatever. But that's not the human. That's a perception that's made from far away. When you get up close and you view it through a lens that's neutral...let's take a camera. When you look at that view from the camera, it takes the truth of it. And when you take a picture of a face and you see deep lines and leathery skin but still a spark...you gain that perception...through that lens...that yeah, this person appears older than they probably should. Time has done a number on them but the deep lines are just the experiences and the eyes...they still sparkle so the perception...for me...has changed to...there's still life behind the experiences that maybe haven't been so hot because I just caught the spark. When you can perceive a spark from that neutral lens...you perceive the beauty and the heart behind the struggle...even if the person standing for the picture can't.

K: Wow. The pictures you show me make me emotional.

B: Because getting hit with a perception that wakes you out of your own that was maybe fed to you...can get a person emotional. That's what it's like to see with the eyes of God. That's what it's like to walk in another person's shoes. So if people can just stay in that neutral zone...there's adventure there and there's a willingness to step out from what you perceived, to something more...than.

K: That's a huge lesson. Really big.

B: But that's just me. (winks)

K: You're so cute.

B: I try. I can be. It's a gift.

K: (laughing) I was reading some comments on a YouTube video that Live Different had done and it really got my shorts in a knot.

B: You weren't wearing shorts last night. You were in jeans.

K: Was I in jeans? Wait a second. Hold up. (thinking) Now...I wasn't in jeans!

B: Made you look.

K: You were in jeans.

B: I'm always in jeans.

K: Stop playing. I can't even remember what I had for dinner.

B: What did you read?

K: I read that...it was so flippant...it was this person that had commented that the white men were there to save the day again.

B: I think we talked about this before.

K: I think so too. But what's their perception on the work that you're doing?

B: History.

K: History.

B: A person that makes a comment like that can't get over the history or they're making a judgement call based on what they aren't willing to do.

K: Ah. It didn't bother you?

B: No. Of course not. It's just ignorance. It's just refusing to see a bigger picture because that perception has been skewed and is being kept small to fit in a world that's still this big. (squeezing fingers together really small)

K: Oh boy.

B: You sound like Audrey.

K: I think I got it from her.

B: But if they actually were there and got their hands dirty, their perception would probably change to...something like, This is hard labor and you're still willing to help? Wow, man, you're gold.

K: Gold?

B: First thing that came to mind. You get my point.

K: I do. Do you find that there's still narrow perceptions of life?

B: Sure.

K: How so?

B: Because people are unwilling to take that step out of their little bubbles of what they know and feel safe in but there's stagnancy there and sometimes there's an unwillingness to meet people half way or volunteer or help out because there's safety in that perception of home base...that little bubble that keeps it all nice and tidy and you don't have to see struggle or you don't have to feel for someone. It's not a heartless place to be in. They love and they live but it's very confined to what they know or have been taught to know. And it's just easy to learn more judgement than acceptance when you keep yourself in those places.

K: I have seen that...even in my own life.

B: Yeah and that's where the discussions or the arguments come in because those people...A and B...they can't see eye to eye. Person's A's perception is right in front of their nose and no further and person B's perception is nine feet in front of them. Senses...which do you think is using all of their senses?

K: Person B.

B: And is it just the five? (holds up five fingers)

K: No. If you're willing to perceive bigger, you're usually engaging more than the five senses.

B: Six or seven at least.

K: Would the clairaudient/voyant/cognizance...those types of things...are those senses?

B: Oh yeah. Absolutely. Those are senses of...what's not being said or what's not being seen or what's not being felt and...so on. I mean...there's a lot of 'em and some can pick up on one or two more. Others only one but that's that...seeing beyond the point of your nose and seeing...choice. Perception or perceiving bigger is a choice. People don't always see it that way and that's cool. But you choose to stay in that fixed...rate (comparing perception to interest rates for some reason) or you search for more, different or better. Something that works for you and your life that is, hopefully, kept on that even keel.

K: Life is not always even keeled.

B: No. That's life though. It's how you show up for those moments though. Hysterical or numb. Those are the extremes and they happen every day.

K: Yeah. I agree there. Extreme. I try to keep that neutral zone which, to me, is a trust thing.

B: Faith, trust...yeah. Yeah. Absolutely.

K: Trying to stay in that flow. That back float of life and to just ride the waves.

B: Yep.

K: Doesn't always work.

B: No one said it had to. But to recognize it and catch yourself is also sort of regrouping to what you know you need.

K: Understood. What is one of the most...not hard but trying parts of perception, do you think? Give me something relatable.

B: Hhhmmm...perception...hard...(mulling it over) but not hard. Relatable.

K: That maybe you come out of it in a good place or a happy...maybe even a better place.

B: Hhhmmm...with extremes?

K: Toss 'em in.

B: Assumptions?

K: Sure.

B: Judgements?

K: Okay.

B: I got one.

K: Shoot.

B: Falling in love.

K: Really?

B: It's one of those places that...even how you perceive yourself...it's like this constant measuring stick to ex's or what you think the other wants or if you're good enough. Like, do I look okay to them, is my place clean enough to bring them over when it's always been good enough before you met someone...uh...do I wear that or do I wear this, would they like me better in blue than in red, they won't like my hair because I don't like my hair. Do I smell...is the cologne too much...shit, I didn't clean my car.

K: (laughing)

B: But all I'm doing is perceiving and assuming and judging...me when really, falling in love is easier than that. It's the process that's full of perceptions about yourself and not really about the one you're falling in love with but there's that too. It's assuming they won't be okay with your cologne even though it's been fine for years or it's that perception that your car isn't clean even though it's just a dirty coffee cup or a 7-11 big gulp.

K: Ew. Gross.

B: But that's it. That's a messy car? But really...it's the perceptions of what you should like/be like or what the other likes or will fall in love with that plays huge roles. You always hear, be yourself but if you don't like yourself or have all these perceptions about yourself that are judgement based or based in comparison...that will float out to the one you're trying to attract.

K: Good example. Do you smell?

B: I can get a stink on.

K: (laughing hard!) I find that hard to believe. Have you ever been in love?

B: Yes.

K: And did you go into all that head space pre-conceived notion thing?

B: A little. I think you'd be a robot or pretty stuffy full of yourself if you didn't a little bit. It's all about trying to make the best impression, right? Sometimes the love doesn't happen. Sometimes it's disappointing but falling in love happens when all of that just goes away and I take you for who you are and you take me for who I am and all those perceptions...they turn into something that's real for the two of you. Fiction becomes non-fiction and non-fiction is the best place to be in. All those stories you tell yourself...because you take all those themes in with the human senses and make them real for you or you base yourself on them. It's time to perceive from the inside out and not the outside in. That's power. That's the power of perception. That's truth.

K: Wow. Thank you for that. What are you attracted to now?

B: Like right now? Like where I am?

K: Yeah.

B: Light. Energy...electricity. You know when you touch one of those globe things and your hair stands on end.

K: Yeah.

B: It's like that but bigger...more intense and the shock is attracting because it's like this buzz...drug induced by electricity.

K: (laughing)

B: And it doesn't quit and it's not this thing that yeah...once you fall in love it stays like that and runs its course. It's...you fall in love every single second of every moment. That falling in love...it hits you and it feels totally blissed out and you can't wipe the smile of your face? That initial feeling.

K: Yes.

B: Again and again and again and instead of mellowing out...it gets bigger every moment. That's falling in love here (heaven) because it's the core with all that other stuff...non-existent.

K: Do humans have that? Can we emit that to attract?

B: That's what humans are and we disregard it all the time, paying attention only to that outer layer or those five senses and that's a connection but it can fizzle out. Innately, humans are that electricity, light, energy that is attractive. Did I know that as Cole? No. I knew what attracted me on that surface level and what I would fall in love with when I could look deeper but here...you look deeper and you find that buzz...that high from the energy and the light and you move out. So you go to the core first and radiate out and that's why it's falling in love all over again every second of every moment.

K: Wow. Sounds intense.

B: The best intense thing a person could ever feel.

K: So if it's over and over and over why does it run its course.

B: Because the two parties have gotten everything they need from each other and they know that but that doesn't mean that attraction is gone. It's always there but we've grown with each other, there's no growing more, we've gotten to a point where we know that we can grow more over there or over here and we part ways while staying in love.

K: That is so...mature.

B: Yeah. So being in love can also mean being the best of friends. It's like that married couple that just...they're best friends. They do better as friends than they do as lovers. That's maturity. That's growth.

K: And not always understood.

B: No. Not always.

K: Thanks for being my buddy for the last few days.

B: It's a good position to be in.

K: You like your bracelet? It came out to your specifications?

B: More so. It feels really good. I'm wearing it right now. (shows me his wrist)

K: It looks good. Orange is your color.

B: Wasn't about the color. It was about the message.

K: Duh. I'm talking fashion here.

B: (laughing) Can we talk about that honestly.

K: No. I don't want to hear it.

B: Come on Kim.

K: No. I can dress it up.

B: Yes you can and that's why you need to do it more.

K: I can't get up any earlier.

B: Fine. Fine. I'm not saying that your barefaced reflection isn't hard on the eyes either.

K: (laughing) Play-ah.

B: No.

K: Back atcha handsome.

B: What's today?

K: Keeping it low key.

B: Music?

K: Always. Will I see you dancing?

B: (points at me) You just might.

K: Because, seriously, you can tear it up.

B: Because I like to have fun. It's fun. Who cares how I'm perceived.

K: The perception was that it looked good.

B: Cool. I'll let you go but I'm lingering.

K: Always invited.

B: Bye readers.

K: They say bye.

B: They will.

Conversations with Ryker – The Evolving Ghost

You guys have met Ryker. Here's Ryker.

R: Don't do that.

K: Don't do what?

R: Don't call me in and get all settled and ready and then at the last second leave. You're a tease.

K: I'm a tease?

R: You're a tease.

K: Psyched you right out did I?

R: Not really.

K: Look, don't give me a hard time today okay. I had cold water in the shower this morning so I couldn't wash my hair and then I couldn't get in the zone for meditation because the fecking dog kept licking her paws and then I've been dealing with other people's addictions so I'm not really in the mood for the smart ass comments, Ryker.

R: Huh. You'll still get them.

K: Dear God.

R: What did we discuss the other day? I told you to quit your moping. You have a job to do.

K: Got it and I'm doing it but really, a cold shower.

R: What's wrong with a cold shower?

K: Stop it.

I feel a dirty mind coming.

K: It's nothing like that.

R: Well then...maybe you need it.

K: (gag) Get over yourself.

R: Not with me.

K: What the hell are you on about?

R: Your temper amuses me. Throughout all your lifetimes there is one thing that has never stopped. It is your ability to get your shorts in a knot at the drop of a hat and it is fun to be a part of that.

K: Great, big brother. How about you stop and I just ask some questions.

R: Great. I'll stop. But I'll have you know...there are worse things than dogs licking paws and other people's fetishes.

K: And cold showers.

R: And cold showers.

K: I know. I'm just whining. Can't a girl whine once in a while? Even in the best of circumstances, I like a good whine fest.

R: You are permitted. But I will cut it short.

K: No kidding. Since you brought it up and...nice lead in by the way.

R: I do my best.

K: Throughout lifetimes. Let's talk about the evolution of the spirit in terms of ghosts.

R: Ghosts. There are no such things.

K: There are too.

R: If you speak of residual energy, fine. But if you are going to a rundown mansion in the middle of the night and hear strange things and see shadow...it is energy. I dislike the term.

K: Okay. No problem. So with the evolution of ghosts...

R: Kimberly.

K: Ryker, does spirit stay the same?

R: How do you mean?

K: Do they stay as they did when they died...left earth?

R: Still don't like the whole death word do you?

K: No. Dislike. Language.

R: You're not the only one. Do you believe there will come a day when language will be spoken less and telepathy will be the way of communication?

K: I'm pretty sure I see that happening.

R: Well, I'm disappointed that I could give you no new news.

K: That's fine. I mean...I'm sort of in the know about some stuff. Not all.

R: What was your question?

K: As if you didn't know. I want to know if spirit/energy/ghosts whatever...if they stay the same or if they grow because we, as humans, grow in energy and spirit. Just because a person leaves earth, does that mean you don't have to do that anymore? (grow)

R: No. You do. You continue to evolve. People will think of their loved ones and think of them a certain way but if you were to have them come back to you...yes, they would be familiar but they would have much more knowledge, insight, their mannerisms might be different, they may look a little older...a little wiser perhaps...they grow. They change...maybe grow a little younger. The universe is forever changing and that includes the energies that reside within, around and everywhere. There is no containment. When a human dies, they learn the ropes of their new state of being but it is not anything new. It is a...review and once the review is done...they yearn for the experiences to allow a certain amount of...growth. Everything evolves. Will those who mourn for their loved ones, allow Them to come as the evolved soul that they are or would they rather be visited by someone they used to know so it is recognizable?

K: But spirit will always come back as something that can be recognized.

R: Absolutely they will. Absolutely.

K: For example, when I met Erik...he was a young guy with that kind of way about him. Young, smart ass sort of whatever man type attitude. We didn't speak for a while and then when he knocked on my door again...he was...like a man. He still had that smart ass way about him but he was very...grown up. Same with Cory. He used to be really shy with me and he used to sort of hang back and now...it's like he's front and center and just really in it with everyone he comes across.

R: Yes, he has evolved quite a bit.

K: But then there are people like Benjamin Cole or Paul or Anton who change but not in the "big" ways like Cory and Erik...I mean, they aren't the same men that I met those couple of years ago.

R: No.

K: But they are different. There's like this wisdom about them. So, how come they haven't really changed all that much but people like Erik and Cory have?

R: Because those like Paul or Benjamin Cole or Roger...they got it when they were alive. They figured it out. They understood and so that transition from Earth to Heaven wasn't one of re-learning but remembering and have that (remembering) happen as if in a snap so they could return and offer more of themselves after they have learned and absorbed more of their experiences here. Sometimes, growth of Spirit happens very quickly...sometimes it doesn't but those timelines are very different than a human's.

K: So the more a person is willing to work towards understanding that human nature and that soul nature and the world around them and to practice that in their lives...the more they acclimatize to Spirit faster?

R: Yes and these are very human ways of putting it. We only speak these ways because it's a way for you to understand.

K: Got it. So if I were to see my Gran again...which I have many times but this is just an example...she looks younger because that's how she wants to present herself but she seems so happy...and is that because of the experiences that she's having that she can share with me as someone that just knows more now and in that knowing more there's a freedom...I want to say there's a freedom to be more herself.

R: She is more herself than she could ever be in the human form because to be yourself is the only way it goes here. You cannot fake anything here. You live in truth. You live on in truth and yes, you can get frustrated or yearn for more. You can often want to take someone by the shoulders and shake some sense into them. You can yearn for healing for the world. You can be impatient because you see what can happen when people evolve and what can happen when people are able to see the light...to see love in all its forms.

K: It makes it hard because Earth is a place of duality.

R: But you forget that love...in all its forms is the whole spectrum.

K: But then we're giving excuses for hate because it's part of love.

R: No you are not giving excuses for hate because you are in a position to see extremes. And will you be an evolved enough soul to be able to understand the extremes and meet somewhere on the scales of balance. When you meet on the scales of balance, you are not biased. You are able to see all. You are able to see with the Eye of Horus. The all seeing is a balance. It is not desperately grabbing for a place on the love extreme while negating that not everyone feels love...genuine unconditional love. That is ignorance.

K: Then a spirit that has transitioned...

R: Died.

K: Energy never dies, brother.

R: Hhhmmm...the human.

K: Fine. The body dies...are they more on those scales of equilibrium when it comes to the love spectrum?

R: Yes and they realize it is the same spectrum.

K: Got it. So because they can be on that balanced scale...is that where evolution is? Is that where more is? Is that where...if we could get there instead of going to extremes all the time...is that where peace is?

R: Part of it, yes.

K: When a person can see a spirit as something that evolves or that changes because nothing stays the same...it's always moving or transforming or shifting or changing...is there freedom there?

R: How do you mean?

K: I mean...I get knocks on my door all the time. I answer when I can but I...I practice acceptance for any spirit that knocks on my door and I don't demand to see them how they left because I don't know any different. Is that a place of freedom for Spirit, that they sort of gravitate to someone that wouldn't put their memory in some sort of box of what was? I'm just asking. I have no idea.

R: Let me give an example. Come to my house.

K: Okay...but it's not really a house.

R: No...I feel the need to redecorate a little.

K: For my benefit?

R: Yes.

K: Great.

R: (smiles) Come to my house. I will give you two scenarios. (holding up two fingers)

K: I'm here. Give me a show.

R: I open the door to you but I warn you that you must not touch this or that, that you must take your shoes off but keep your socks on because your dirty feet will muck up my floors. I don't want to smell them either. I must ask you to sit on a towel when you sit on my couch. I would like it kept pristine. I would have you drink from these glasses because those glasses are very special and I wouldn't want them broken because I would like to leave them for my children.

K: You have no children.

R: I would like you to join me at dinner but because I am Vegan, you will only eat salad even though I have roasted a hen and it sits and teases you with its scents.

K: I'm a tease????

R: You smell it.

K: God yes.

R: I can cook.

K: I know a couple that can.

R: It's a snap really. A thought.

K: Okay so I'm over as your guest but you're telling me what I can and cannot do or be.

R: Yes. Now exit the home and ring the bell again.

K: Great.

R: Come in. Have a seat. Take you coat off, just sling it over there. Do you need a coaster for your drink? No. Don't worry. I'll plump the sofa...here, use the good glasses, glass can break anyway. I cannot eat the meat but I have grilled some steak for you unless you would like the lobster or both.

K: (laughing)

R: I have light to dark beer but I think with steak you would prefer a glass of wine.

K: (laughing)

R: Can you breathe easier and fuller as you are invited to just be...whoever you are with me?

K: Yes.

R: It's less restricting when you catch me at my home and I have had a hot shower.

K: Donkey.

R: Do you see?

K: Yes.

R: There is freedom in allowing a person to come as they are...even if they have changed. There is freedom to learn...more. To experience more with the Spirits that visit because you are open to how they are now rather than who they have been. There is no freedom in looking at a face and remembering them how they were...that is comfort for the person who gazes at their face. When there is open communication with Spirit and a genuine curiosity for what they are doing or how they are living...there is freedom here to come freely and share with you all of that. They will look the same...but they will be...more.

K: For anyone that would want to open up their mediumship abilities...

R: Everyone has them.

K: I am aware. I'm just interviewing.

R: Interviewing? Are we not past the interview stage?

K: I'm just having an open conversation.

R: Better.

K: Where was I?

R: Mediumship abilities.

K: Oh right. To open those more...could there be more of a willingness to see Spirit in a take them as they are type way.

R: They will flock because that is an open invitation.

K: Interesting. I mean...I've always just practiced that anyway because I don't know any differently. I never took classes or anything.

R: Yes. Well, the classes will work to start but there is much more to learn than what a class can offer. Be open to learning from the spirits that you communicate with.

K: Yes, definitely. But if we place a memory in a box that cannot be changed...they'll come that way won't they?

R: Yes. They will. Those who they (Spirits) have loved and honored as a human...they will always come back to. But the communication will be limited in the way you were used to seeing or hearing them. I would urge people to invite their friends and their families in and really...have a sense of curiosity of what they are living now. We love to share these things. We love to hear and see how you are living now in our assumed absence. This opens the door for shared experiences and isn't it the way of the human to sit down with family and friends and ask them how their day was? How are they feeling? What new did you experience today and tell me all about it because I'm dying to know?

K: Technically, if ghosts are looking in on their families and friends...they already know.

R: They know but they do not know from the human's point of view. We do not assume anything. We are a place of freedom if you hadn't noticed.

K: I've noticed.

R: (smiles) I know.

K: When we connect with spirit and they come in a way that we want them too...when does that change to them coming in the way we need them too and does that support our evolution?

R: Relationships grow. Now that you know me and Simon...it's different. You are more...vocal. You voice your feelings without worrying about being insulting.

K: (laughing) Please. I don't insult anyone. I'm a peach.

R: Yes. You are a peach. You express yourself in all ways without being afraid that you will be judged.

K: I do. Because you're a place of freedom for me.

R: And you fight...with others. Both of you argue and say your bits...your nuts and your bolts.

K: Yes.

R: Because when the formality is over...it can return to a normalcy that has always been. A human is allowed to be themselves with humans and Spirits are allowed to be themselves with humans. If not...relationships can get quite robotic and lack interest.

K: Yes. For both. Like going through the motions.

R: Yes.

K: Cool.

R: Cool.

K: I think that when we're talking about anything that is infinite...we need to be open to all possibility but also be open to everything "good" about possibility.

R: It's hard for those who remember what was to believe in what could be without feeling as if they would be forgotten.

K: Could Spirit ever forget?

R: No. Nothing is ever forgotten. It is ingrained. Why else would you choose to incarnate anywhere? Just to forget the experience that you needed for yourself?

K: The biggest blackout I'm sure.

R: How was your pickle?

K: (chuckles) What?

R: Your pickle? How was it?

K: The one that I forgot eating? That I blamed Ireland for stealing even though I was sitting right there and could see her every move?

R: Yes. That pickle.

K: Biggest blackout ever. I've never experienced something like that. I don't remember, at all, eating the pickle. Alzheimer's? Early onset?

R: (big laughter while shaking his head) No.

K: Okay good. I was a little worried. I can't remember eating the pickle.

R: It was a very good pickle.

Silence. Registering information that he's hinting at.

K: Are you telling me that you stole my...pickle?!

R: I was craving to try.

K: Are you for real???

R: Abracadabra. Now you see it, now you don't.

K: You took my pickle. Now where's my penny?

R: Bye.

K: Ryker! Where's my penny?

Gone.

K: Shit!

Brothers!!!

Conversations with Spirit Guide Simon – Self-worth

"Simon Simon...where have you been all my life?" That's what I usually ask but I already felt he was hanging around today so let's chat. Does anyone need a little shot of Simon? If so...here we go...

S: How are you today, Sweetheart.

K: Truth be told...I'm a little sleepy, Simon. How are you?

S: Very well. I'm very well. You've lost weight.

K: I suppose I have. It's not one of my greatest concerns.

S: Very well. How do you feel with the changes of your body?

K: I feel good. Physically I feel the healthiest I've been in a long time but 2018 was something of a gong show at times. I feel that there are a few that have some recovery to do from all of their...opening of old wounds that one thought was supposed to be taken care of.

Sits back and crosses his legs while cradling his face between his thumb and pointer finger.

S: Yes. There have been moments of, I thought I had dealt with this. I have been on the frontlines...as it were, with many that are feeling like this. But...many times it has simply been shoved to the bottom of the pile that only gets bigger. If they cannot see it anymore...it does not exist anymore.

K: So why 2018?

S: Much has had to do with relationships and relationships are never easy and sometimes are not healthy. There was not a healthy start and therefor, there is no healthy end. The goal, to any ending, is to do it with the greatest amount of love and respect for an individual as possible. Only when this is done, can there be closure. All of that... restorative business can come in time. When an ending fails to bring closure...it has the ability to rise back up to the surface of someone's heart and mind. You know of what I speak of. You've been there.

K: I have.

S: Also, if the communication fails, much has been left unsaid and this, then, rolls around in the brain of the one that wishes they had said certain words to give themselves the upper hand or the closure that would have satisfied them. More times than not...in the year of your 2018...relationship endings have not been on the best of terms and words thought of were more of malice than of love.

K: But that's not for everyone.

S: No. Of course not. It was not for everyone although...duality was an extremely prevalent...theme of 2018 and will continue to be for many in 2019. Numerology of a year is an energy but if you do not wipe your feet before you enter a clean home...you track the unwelcomed dirt and debris from the following year. Dates do not matter. Paul has said this. However, if we were to look at dates, the birthdate of an individual is the actual beginning of their year. They only combine the energies of the 2019 with their personal number which can mean so many different things. You've a world with many people. This is why...it will not run as predicted.

K: No. I gathered that.

S: Yes. You are one to find the...straws that break the backs of individuals. This is your gift. These are the things that are covered that people have placed on the bottom of their piles. But...the piles will not get smaller if the deadline for the last document has already come due. It will be a constant thing of catching up.

K: Yes. I've been there.

S: You have.

K: I think a lot of what happens with duality in relationships or any sort of...how do I put this.

S: Simply.

K: Trying. I can't find the words. People who feel they've been put on the back burner or are "victims" (finger quote) of another's bad mood or temper tantrum or feel like they are a broken record because no one really wants to hear them...contingent on self-worth.

S: (smirks and nods as he straightens) People have come to a point where they realize that their very presence in life...of this world...in sharing space with another...this has worth. Now...because some people have not felt worth in quite some time...their endings...battles or their soapboxes that they step on will seem to be a bit of a shock to others. It could come off as being...brutish...bullish...vocal to the point where they are only speaking to speak because they found some sort of voice with their worth.

K: Where's the balance of that?

S: When one's self-worth has been truly discovered...truly felt...there will be no soapbox. There will be no...yelling. There will simply be an even...tone. No one will bother matching or rising above in argument. It will simply be...as you wish and if others do not like it...there is enough love there for the Self that you will feel you can stand in your power and sometimes doing that means that silence is key. When you do not take the opportunity to battle but know you have already conquered the ground beneath your feet...this will be the change. This is coming, and very quickly I might add, that the battlefield will no longer be in existence for those who find their worth. It will be more of a, I'm sorry you feel that way type of conversations and it will be over.

K: Does Self-worth come hand in hand with Self-discovery?

S: Definitely.

K: In Self-discovery though...I feel people are still drawn to old cycles or old patterns that have been played out or assumed to have played themselves out.

S: This is the need for closure. Yes, one had discovered their worthiness...they have discovered their importance in...life but if things are not dealt with...if the pile is still tall with the biggest being on the bottom...all of these things must still be put to bed to move onto the next and the next and the next. The experiences a human being has chosen was all to do with your evolution but if the harder aspects of choice and consequence have been ignored...these will circle around again because it is only for your evolution and not your destruction.

K: How much of that do you believe has been done?

S: For some...much. It's very impressive really. For others...what seems to be great strides in catch up have been tiny steps towards the same thing.

K: But how do we recognize when it absolutely must be done for our self-worth or self-discovery...our self-knowing?

S: No amount of Self-worth will make someone feel better when they feel as if they are on the merry-go-round of the past whether that be people, memories, hurts, lacks...anything at all. The Self-worth comes when each of these things has been loved and lifted from the depths of where they have been hiding.

K: Is there something we can do to help the process?

S: Personal responsibility. If one is coming into their self-worth...there must be personal responsibility to finally live how you've been wanting to since you first felt the urges and when one is completely honest with others, more times than not, they want to work with you on becoming the best version of you that you could possibly be because they love you. Even when you are honest with yourself...to become the best version of you...it is not an uphill battle. It is a swing. Think of your swings...as you go higher and higher...does one not feel exhileration?

K: What if you're self-worth...you see this a lot on relationships where one's self-worth is attached or contingent to another's self-worth...is that even the right wording?

S: I understand. Then the one who pins their self-worth on another...it is as if they are going to a bank for a loan. And then they go to a money lender for another loan. They borrow self-worth from others. They cannot take self-worth from others. They think they can but that is simply burying themselves in a debt of self-loathing because what happens when that bank or that money lender refuses to lend them anymore worth?

K: Well, what happens if you don't pay the mob back?

S: (laughs) That is one way to look at it. It takes much more...work, shall we say, to find the Self under the feelings of abandonenent or...being let down by someone's assumed... desertion.

K: Does the new self-worth or self-empowerment or personal power always come with...like the tower card in the tarot...some sort of destruction.

S: It can be very destructive. When mining for a valuable substance...there is destruction, is there not?

K: Sometimes.

S: I would caution people to...do not continue to think of these destructions as big or huge or life altering. Think of them as deconstruction to construct. Self-worth has been hidden because people have felt that they have been less than someone else or it has come with comparing oneself with a world that has a bar raised so high that it is impossible to meet. Self-worth is creating your own bar and it is not set very high in the beginning. It is stages and it's as if you are deconstructing layers of yourself that have been built to sooth...to appease...to keep a peace...to not ruffle feathers...to conform. These all must be deconstructed to construct what you will inevitably find. This is the Self...the one that has been made in the image of God...the one that is the universe in human form. Do you understand?

K: Yes.

S: And in this process...there are many that will support you and offer themselves to you as a tool to...your self-realization. This is more than not. However...there will be others that will not because they are not willing to take the journey themselves. When this happens...this is your tower card. These are the big events because it just no longer fits. This does not only have to be with relationships. This can be with the body...self-image. Health...this can be with careers...what you do with your life. It can take all shapes and forms. The goal is to...not feel as if you're suffocating or dying a little bit each day by fitting into or conforming to something that...took your voice away.

K: Does self-worth have a lot to do with the throat chakra?

S: All of the chakras have something to do with worth but you will learn how to better utilize the throat chakra, yes. The throat chakra is a unique center. It is more about balancing. The throat is usually overused or underused. In self-worth...there is an understanding about timing...about when to voice and when not to...this is the balance. I feel...humans need to understand the concept of taking pause...not so quick to have the last word or have the first word. The throat is connected to the ear chakras. For the throat chakra to work in balance...one must be willing to listen as well. This means listening to the world and the people around you as well as the small voice that whispers to your heart and mind of what you yearn to live. It is a balance.

K: Makes sense. I feel like there's a great unveiling happening right now. Like it's the time for it and it feels like this huge coming out of the closet kind of thing. But I also feel, like on the spectrum of love and hate...light and dark...it could be extreme.

S: Yes. Your feelings are correct. It is because these feelings of self-worth are new. And, I might add, Sweetheart, that there are many who feel worthy and any feelings of unworthiness are situational.

K: How so?

S: It is not the whole of the person. It is in parts. There could be a woman or a man that feels completely at ease or worthy in the home environments...they feel much love and much to gain...equally from those personal partnerships but when they go to work...it is a different scenario all together. You can say that the choices of others or the free will of others can be quite impactful with another's feelings of self-worth.

K: But that's my point...how do we detach ourselves from that or comparing or relying on?

S: You remove yourself from taking responsibility from another's actions or inactions. Yes...there are duties and obligations. You must have a job to keep the life going...the food on the table...but when one truly knows their worth...they do not negate it with others' choices, words, actions...they remain the observer...they remain separate. They know what is not their cross to bear and they state that with respect...self-worth is about respect, is it not? Respecting who you are?

K: Part of it, I'm sure.

S: So if one has the respect for themselves, so shall they have that same respect for another and they will observe and detach from all that does not matter...in these greater schemes...to them.

K: Sometimes it seems that self-worth can only come with keeping people at arm's length.

S: If you truly felt worthy of you, it would be an invitation extended to another to join you. If that invitation is declined...there is no regret there. There is simply...maybe another time then.

K: For starters...this whole polite charade that you're acting out...can't be done with everyone...

S: Is that so?

K: And another thing...we have ego...we have the walls...we have the duality. We are bound to react to the negative at some point.

S: Yes. And do you catch yourself? Do you honor yourself enough to admit when you were wrong and do you extend that to the parties that have been wronged and are you polite about it?

K: So self-worth is also taking responsibility.

S: Yes. You must take responsibility for the parts you play or didn't play and how that impacted you or those around you.

K: It's really a hard look about who you are and what you're bringing or willing to bring to the table.

S: You hear of the human being as being a servant to the divine...

K: Sometimes.

S: When will it be understood that the divine is you. You are not a caterer to others before you cater to yourself. This isn't in a selfish way. It's in a divine...sacred...caring way. You must nurture yourself. Nurturing oneself is the evidence that one is deserving of such grace.

K: I find that on the journey of self-worth...some become the black sheep or the rebel.

S: Yes. But are those terms from the one living that or are they termed from the people that are around them that are not quite ready to do the same work of deconstruction to construct?

K: Someone was telling me of the human trifecta in terms of where they place themselves in life. You have your complacent, rebels and renegades and black sheep.

S: (laughs) And who was that.

K: Seriously...I just heard a voice. It didn't belong to anyone.

S: Ah.

K: It was a new one.

S: Very well. Shall I try to decipher these labels?

K: Cool.

S: Your complacent are those individuals that are happy with what...I guess you could term it the status quo. They are not bothered by such details as self-worth because they feel they have nothing to work out or on. They are just living their day to day and whatever happens, happens.

K: Sounds like they have a large amount of self-worth.

S: They do. They just have no urge to stand on some sort of pedestal to proclaim it. They require no change because they have made the choices to keep them in a life that they feel does not require change. They are happy. It is very very rare...few individuals live like this because in a whole life...in the entirety of it...a person does not stay the same. It is impossible. Do you see?

K: I see.

S: Few and far between. It is more a...generational thing, if I were to look closely at it.

K: Okay.

S: The rebels...the renegades...they are the animals that have been freed from the captivity of their zoos. They are loud and boisterous and wish to live life all at once because they got a taste of it...personal freedom and they wish to live that way. You've seen it in your sixties and seventies...that which you call your hippies. They found their voices and for a few years...they were quite loud. My goodness. What a ruckus.

K: You, Simon, are an old man.

S: (smiles) Then I must age very well.

K: You do. You're still good lookin'.

S: Thank you. The black sheep are the ones that struggle with self-worth...keeping self-worth and understanding that it's okay to come out of hiding. They are the ones that people really don't understand because...well...they shy away from being understood. They are the rebels in the corner. They say what they need to say but fear the assumed consequence so they turn away from others even before facing whatever it is they fear to face.

K: Are you saying that the black sheep...do it to themselves?

S: In a way...yes. These are the ones that...if they had only said what was important to them...if they only acted out of love for the self without feeling shame for the reactions of others...the black sheep have the most...how do I say this...they have the best chance of being that middle ground between the complacent and the rebels once they find that there is no shame, guilt...that they can be who they are and, at the same time, be there for others as well. They are the teachers if they would only come out from under their hiding spots. If they would only stop running because under the black...there is light. These are the lighthouses...the light bearers...the lightworkers. They are misunderstood because they haven't felt worth enough to express who they are. There is worth there but it is kept in shadow. It is the time for the black sheep regardless of how they're...worth is taken because the worth felt by the black sheep is the teacher...the example for all. It is a well-balanced...energetic human being when put to use.

K: That's pretty surprising.

S: Why?

K: Mainly because the black sheep feel as if they're a victim of circumstance...things done onto them for just trying to be who they are.

S: And this is the façade that needs to disappear because this world is in dire need of their wool.

K: Wow.

S: The security blankets made from the wool of the black sheep are the threads that connect humanity to heaven.

I felt those words in my gut. They hit hard.

S: I wish for the black sheep of the world to come out of their shame...guilt...out of their hiding. I wish them to show us what balance is between complacent and renegade. I wish for the leaders, that have put themselves in a corner, to make a debut because the black sheep will only do it for the highest and best of all involved. A black sheep has the distinct ability to carve a path never before chosen and this path can seem odd or outrages to others but...who cares. For along this path is a shared self-discovery into uncharted territory that is to be discovered now and it can only be discovered with going against the grain. The black sheep is the bird that swims and the fish that fly. They will turn this world on its heels and in doing so...reveal the veil that is to be lifted. They are the awakened ones working undercover.

K: Wow. I'm speechless. I had no idea.

S: No. You did not. And now, Sweetheart...you do. I'm afraid that is all for today though. I would not want to come across as boring. Attention spans...they have been shortened.

K: You could never be boring. People love you.

S: As I do them. You know...New Year brings about new hopes and desires.

K: Yes.

S: But how are you to act on those when you drag around a past that no longer matters....memories that no longer hold influence. If you wish for a new year, you must clean house. The date on your calendar does not matter.

K: Totally get that. Although, I think I've done a pretty good job.

S: You have come a long way, Dearest. I understand your 2018 was challenging.

K: Yes.

S: Your shoes are only a little dusty.

K: I'm well aware. Thank you.

S: Sweetheart?

K: Yes, Simon?

S: I love you. I am but a breath away.

K: I love you too. I'm more of a shout. SHOW YOURSELF!

S: (laughing) I do hear you.

K: I know. See you soon.

S: You will. Good bye.

K: Bye.

Blows a kiss. Love that man.

Conversations with Ryker – The Limiting Language/The Limiting Word

I have been diving into this stuff for at least ten years. Maybe even more and I'm finding, lately, that words are just so overused or the same one is used because we can't find another to take its place or grasp more of what we're feeling. I also find, as a translator, that the words don't do the feelings, that I'm being given by Spirit, justice. This is personal to me. I don't know if that's the case for anyone else. I find spiritual words or phrases a cover up sometimes...when we don't really want to admit that we're not into it but because we label ourselves as "spiritual" we maybe can't be honest about that all the time. And then I got to thinking...but this is my journey and/or path and part of that path is of a no bullshit teacher so I wanted to collect a couple words or phrases and see if there was anything different or that I could expand on to get to the heart of things. Ryker helped me out. I'm not totally satisfied with his image anymore. I'm trying to build a new one. That's frustrating as well. We'll see how it goes. For now, here's his conversation with me. He's straddling a chair, with a higher back. As he sits, the back comes to his chest. He's wearing knee-torn light blue jeans and a long-sleeved blue shirt. Bare feet...I'm in his "home". When I talk to Ryker, I join him.

R: You need to stop. You see me. Isn't that enough?

K: I just like to be completely transparent with what I can see but I can't get you to look...people will think of Jesus.

R: For starters, people's perceptions of the man...of what he looks like are way out there...(starts chuckling) than what he actually does (look like). Give people the option. You did it with Simon.

K: For some reason, Simon's just came naturally and quick. So did Stirling's. You're a tougher one.

R: You cannot recreate something so...original.

K: Sure. (shuffling papers) Sorry. I have to get organized.

R: I know.

K: Do you like coffee?

R: Sorry?

K: Do you like coffee. In all the times that I've sat with you with a coffee in my hand...I've never seen you with one.

R: Uh...that's sort of throwing me for a loop.

K: In all your wish-you-were-human moments...

R: (chuckling)

K: You enjoy experiencing what we do. I'm wondering if you have the taste for coffee.

R: Not what you...not what you have for yours. I prefer the...meat on the bone as it were. I like Turkish coffee. If it must be espresso, I'd prefer that.

K: Huh. Interesting. For all your human...tasters and tries...I'm surprised you never made the choice to drop down here and get some of this... (motioning to an actual flesh and bone body namely me)

R: Well...I suppose I just had to leave that for the better part of my family.

K: I could've used you...like the physical you.

R: I know. I can't apologize for that.

K: I suppose not.

R: Do you like coffee?

K: Uh...what am I drinking right now?

R: Colored water.

K: Ha Ha. (sarcasm) I agree. It's not the best but it's what I have right now and it hits the spot.

R: Okay. We'll have to go for coffee.

K: I've had Turkish coffee before. It's very good.

R: Yes. (lightly slaps the back of the chair that he's straddling) What's the topic?

K: I saw you with a very gorgeous gal the other day...

Stumped. That got him.

R: Uh...

K: I need details.

R: You will not get details and if this is the topic, I will change it.

K: It's not. Just wanted details.

R: You'll meet her.

K: Okay. I'll be patient.

R: Huh. I'd like to see that.

K: Funny. Okay. Here we go. I'd like to talk about spiritual words that I find tiring. Maybe a little overused but we use them because maybe it's all we know.

R: Like the fluffy light feathers floating up to heaven stuff.

K: Exactly.

R: Okay. (unsure)

K: I was bickering...

R: Uh huh.

K: I was teasing/bickering with Paul the other day about language being limiting and I'm wondering...to you...is it?

R: Limiting sometimes. Appropriate...sometimes. Inappropriate...more than not. The words are just noises made from the mouth unless there's actually feeling or emotion behind them.

K: So, how do you communicate? When you're not communicating with me.

R: (thinks) I guess you would think of it as energy or ripples...what can I compare it too...(thinking). Try this.

K: Okay.

R: A person's in a recording studio and there's the mixer.

K: Yes.

R: And to make that sound audible and sellable...likeable to everyone else...they have to take that voice and manipulate it's frequencies to sound clear and understood.

K: Yes.

R: It's waves. It's like...the sound waves are hitting the mic and then they're getting manipulated by the machine. The waves change depending on the ear that's listening.

K: Yes.

R: My communication with...others, where I am, is in that vibrational wave.

K: So, like speech...talking...sound waves...could I dumb it down and maybe use the idea of thought waves?

R: Yes. You could also put those thought waves with emotion because thought is thought. Thought is...sort of like saying something without anything behind it. Like using words just to say them...talk to talk.

K: Got it.

R: To match a certain vibration or a certain frequency...maybe even communicate telepathically...I match those thoughts with emotion which is sort of a universal language. If you hear a human speak but don't understand what the actual words are...the emotion will tell you the state that they're in.

K: For sure.

R: That's the emotion behind the words. That's what's understood. That's actually a big hint to people that read this that telepathy works in those ways. It connects better through emotion and telepathy is actually easier for the empaths out there than it is for just...someone who cleaned out their pineal gland.

K: I'm starting to get how important emotion is.

R: Good. Because when you step back and allow yourself to feel, you can begin to notice patterns of reaction or responding...communication is more understood by others. When you connect the language...the words with emotion...even just a smile...its truth is understood more. Even talking with body language. It's very important. Shrugging with a frown says something way different than shrugging with a smile.

K: That makes sense.

R: So using words to describe something as spiritual...it doesn't matter the wording. What matters is what's behind it. If you're going to act like you just took a shot of LSD, no one's going to take you seriously. That's kind of what gives this whole idea of spirituality a bad rep because...it's fluff behind it and more times than not...fluff hides transparency and honesty. People don't have to take these things seriously. They are meant to be taken lightly...with ease but you have to come to a certain point of working through the personal definitions before this can happen. You can have all the terms you want out there but...you have to be good with your history...past...what you've accomplished, or not, to be able to be comfortable with the terms or else they're just thrown around in any direction as excuses or something to make someone sound or feel wise.

K: To give the readers and example of how you really feel about it...

R: (low chuckle)

K: I went to a crystal shop with Sharon last year.

R: Yes.

K: And when we left, you were a little sarcastic. You said, well wasn't that a nice little trinket shop.

R: It was a nice shop.

K: You can't take it back, Ryker.

R: Look, until all of that is used to its full purpose...it will not contain the life it could have. Just sitting in a shop is like sitting on life support. They're puppies in a pound.

My heart just broke.

K: Aw. Poor puppies.

R: And a lot of it is just a shiny distraction.

K: (rolling eyes) Way to ruin a moment, brother.

R: No problem, sister.

K: Okay. Can we look at some terms?

R: Sure.

K: Let's talk about intention. I use that word a lot. I use a lot of spiritual words but they just don't...meh. (shrugging)

R: Intention is an important one.

K: But we just say it without giving it...there's no oomph behind it.

R: It's rarely practiced or it's practiced but not to full brim. It's...sometimes it's used as an excuse and people will buy it and the one saying it is then free to hide behind the fact that they said or did with the "best of intention" but really...was it 100%? was there the best of intention behind anything and usually when it's not...it's about self-fulfilling.

K: Understood.

R: So whose intention are you talking about? Self-gratification or is it for the best of who you're offering those words or actions to.

K: Got it. Can't it be both?

R: Hhhmmm (stroking his bearded chin) I'd say in an agreement yes. Not an offering.

K: So what's a word that we could use instead of intention?

R: (raises an eyebrow at me) If someone is perceptive...they'll see right through the intention and ask...what's really going on or they'll feel that.

K: I get that a lot. It's how I can figure out who's testing me even when they only exchange an email with me.

R: Yeah. So people would be asking questions with the intention of finding things out but really there's an underlying current of...let's trip her up.

K: Okay. I see what you're saying about using it 100%.

R: And...quite frankly, I don't let that happen. (me being tested)

K: I know.

R: Neither does Simon. Neither does Paul.

K: I know. I appreciate that.

R: There's not really another word for intention. It's a very accurate word but it's what's behind what's said or done and people...the more aware they become...the more they can sniff out the lack of intention.

K: Like a fine wine.

R: Absolutely. The nose...those senses get stronger the more their used.

K: I like Spidey sense.

R: I like it too.

K: Intention isn't just the thought behind it?

R: No. Intention is a mixed bag. It's thought and action and it's rarely on that balanced scale. Intention is mixed with being authentic too.

K: That's another word.

R: To be authentic...you need to take off the masks you're wearing and there's always different masks for different people. Always. Energy matches energy and sometimes you can't help but match another person's energy by wearing a mask.

K: Isn't that hiding though?

R: Yeah. It's hiding because if someone really valued another human being...they'd be accepted for everything they are not showing.

K: Yes. So intention is thought, action, authenticity.

R: Yes. It's the alcohol that's snuck into the high school punch.

K: Uh...

R: It's the power behind the punch...physical punch. Like a boxer.

K: Better. Thanks for thinking like a human.

R: (smirking) It's a struggle.

K: You're so full of shit.

R: Okay...next.

K: I got a good one.

R: Can't wait.

K: Illusion...

R: Huh...okay. I have to think about this.

K: I'm making you think a lot today.

R: No no...give me a second. It's good. Uh...(snaps) Got it.

K: Shoot.

R: Shower curtain.

K: What?

R: Shower curtain. If you look through a shower curtain...the image of the person is distorted. It's a distortion of reality. It's pretend. It's not what it seems or appears to be. It's the surface. It's...someone pulling the wool over your eyes...blurred vision. Get out the glasses.

K: All of that from a shower curtain?

R: Distortion would really be a good one. The illusion is the distortion of a frequency. Everything has a frequency and they get higher and higher but the more you live in the illusion...the more distorted that frequency becomes. Some maintain a frequency like...AM radio. It's fuzzy. Some can tune into the FM. That's clearer...that's seeing a truth or a reality minus the distortion. That's getting in touch with...FM is the universe that everyone is so desperate to connect to.

K: This is really hard to translate.

R: I know. Me too.

K: So the...whatever that would be that's pulling the wool over our eyes would be the change of frequency.

R: It's the dog whistle of the human world.

I'm shaking my head sort of regretting opening this can of worms.

R: (laughing) I'm trying to put it in terms people would get.

K: Dog whistle being heaven...

R: The dog whistle or the sound it emits...being heaven. The human can't hear it. They look at the whistle...it's the illusion.

K: Oh my god... (groaning)

R: You didn't like shower curtain.

K: They both are crap!

R: Distortion.

K: Good enough. Fear.

R: Like in some sort of horror movie.

K: It's just tossed around a lot. I use it but I don't know how else to say it.

R: (sits back while holding onto the back of the chair) Being uncomfortable.

K: You don't have to straddle the chair.

R: This is comfortable for me. I do not live in fear.

K: Nice.

R: Look...fear is...(thinking) it's just empty, Kimberly. It's neglect. It's...restricting...uncomfortable...stuck. It's...there's nothing to move you. It's the proverbial box that people keep themselves in believing that to be comfort. Fear is not scary...what you would think of scary to be. Fear is just keeping you in a place that you've always known.

K: Sometimes that's a good thing though.

R: But there are no windows so for someone that's been kidnapped or kept prisoner in some sort of basement...cell and they see the outside for the first time...mentally and emotionally...they couldn't handle that. They've been removed from their box...all they've known into something they never imagined. They feel fear and sometimes...even if circumstances are terrible or horrific...they want the confines of what they've known. Animals being released into the wild are trepidations at first. Sometimes they want back in their cage...the comfort of what they know. Fear is the unwillingness...sometimes...to change or grow. Fear is unwilling. That isn't the boogeyman type fear. That is the unable part of fear which is mostly about...self-inflicted incompetence rendering a human powerless.

K: Not always self-inflicted. I don't believe, anyway.

R: No. Not always. Maybe 15 % of the time...if you want my measurements.

K: Why so low?

R: Because people...human beings don't give themselves enough credit.

Aw. Softy. I feel that in my heart.

K: Teddy bear Ryker strikes again. Is that it on fear?

R: I think so. You're right. Language is tough. I can show you how I feel or what I see but the talk is like...I'm learning English a little bit.

K: I know. Thanks for your views though. Want another?

R: Sure.

K: The Veil.

All I hear is laughter.

R: Didn't we already do this? With illusion?

K: Is it the same?

R: It's similar. I have to think...(Sort of singing the words. He's muttering to himself and shaking his head a lot.) It's frequency but...you want to know what it is.

K: I would. Hence the conversation.

R: It's right in front of you. You've seen it.

K: I have.

R: Soften your gaze and...try looking through something with a soften gaze. You're not looking straight at an object. You're sort of looking past it or around it. The object isn't what you're focusing on...it's the air around it....that's the best I got.

K: Let's narrow it down.

R: Okay. Uh...(brings his hands up to his eyes) Take your hands and hold them apart like you're holding something invisible.

K: Got it.

R: Now soften your gaze and don't focus on the hands. Focus on the space between them...maybe just a little ahead. Keep your gaze soft. So you're not focusing on anything solid. Just in the space between the hands.

K: Okay.

R: Now breathe as you do it. Don't concentrate on the breath. Just easy breathing. Feel the rise and fall of your chest...your belly. This just helps you to relax.

K: Okay. Sort of going into hypnosis.

R: Yeah. Yeah that's it.

K: Okay.

R: Now...if you relax enough...you'll see that sort of shower curtain haze. It takes practice. You can also feel the energy between your hands getting sort of warm and thicker.

K: Yes.

R: That's the veil.

K: Oh man.

R: Think of a pebble being dropped in water. The ripple it makes is the veil.

K: (sighs)

R: The issue becomes that...people think they are partitioned on one side but you're not. If you practice what I just explained to you, you'll recognize it and you'll begin to allow yourself to cross it.

K: Could you feel yourself being pulled into that energy...sort of out of your body?

R: Yes. And you know...people talk about this astral projection stuff and if you wish to do that...a good way to practice would be just what I told you because when you start to get into that state, you won't fear it and you'll be more inclined to allow it.

K: Nice.

R: I know. Boxes.

K: It's a hard one. So it's not a barrier.

R: Not at all.

K: That exercise is a good one.

R: I'm trying to think of little tools that can be used to build on. It won't get you all the way but it's something to build on because part of matching that frequency is...getting the body to cooperate...the mind...the ego.

K: (blah) Ego. There's another one.

R: I know. Ego is more the Self than the soul sometimes.

K: Really?

R: It's what you're living. It's part of the illusion but you're living the illusion to know what's real. You're living with ego to be that duality to understand what's real. Ego's ego. There's no real other way to state that. Keep using it because it is what it is.

K: Okay. That makes it easy. People sometimes think it's a bad part of the human.

R: Learn to use it for what it's there for. You've talked about that. We won't repeat it here.

K: Thank you. Okay...time. There's no such thing as time type thing.

R: It is so ingrained in your consciousness that it's...it's a part of you. It really is. It runs the show. It's the push and the obligation. When you think in time...you don't think of it slowly unless you're bored because people are so ready to move onto the next thing and the next.

K: Yes.

R: So time is always flying by. Time is controllable though.

K: Really?

R: Yes. Not the illusion of time but the reality of time.

K: I'm sort of cringing. This could be a big one.

R: It is.

K: Another word for time is moment but, meh, live in the moment.

R: (laughs) You say that all the time.

K: Because I don't have another word to say.

R: It's just so ingrained.

K: Live by the second?

R: Still time. I...it's tough. It's a moment. I like when you say take a breath. That's another way to put it. To be in the moment. The breath. Take a breath. Slow the breath because that breath is a moment and you always hear, just breathe.

K: Not as much as live in the moment...for me anyway.

R: Take a breath and then....so you have more of a response instead of a reaction and time is a reaction to something. Time is a running towards something.

K: But even when you're doing something you really enjoy...time flies by.

R: But are you really living by the clock or if you're doing something you enjoy...is it more a moment.

K: Ah...touché. You're so smart. (teasing)

R: (squints his eyes and grins) So are you. (I smell sarcasm)

K: Just Be.

R: (Rolls his head back and shakes his head.) Can I be honest?

K: Sure.

R: At some point...when does that end? Just being with something? Isn't that just an excuse to keep living it or experiencing it while ignoring the whole point?

K: To a lot of people, me included, just being is just giving yourself that space to figure out a next move or choice or whatever you need to do to not react.

R: That's fair. So you're considering your options with just being and seeing how things unfold (separating his arms in a welcome gesture). You get option one...next. Option two...nope...option three...(gasps) I would never. Option four...no way in hell. Option five...veto. Option 100...nope. There's no more options. Those individuals who are "just being" for this extended amount of time are, maybe, waiting for something that will be easier or less uncomfortable or...fear, right? At that 100th option...I think your Higher Self or whatever you want to call it for you...they have been more than generous with you. Soon...because life outside of you doesn't stand still and just be like you are...those options dwindle until you're only left with maybe three...maybe just the one. So what are you going to do? Now... just being in terms of mediation without pondering option or choice or responding...that's connecting yourself to that part of you that is All...The One...All That Is. It's completely different because it's connecting to that limitless factor and there's freedom there and that's the uncomfortable thing when you get back to being human. It's combining that feeling of being limitless to the human because being limitless is living without that fear that we were talking about earlier. So yeah...just be. Fine. Do that but I generally know what's really going on.

K: Fair enough.

R: I got the night vision goggles.

K: It makes a lot of sense; for me, personally. Is just being different from detaching?

R: Sometimes. With detaching...there's still movement because if you think about it...detaching yourself is really being the observer and that's part of being limitless and choosing a direction...initiating that forward movement without wanting to be shown something different that's easier or more in line with that box.

K: So what would you say other than just be.

R: Take a breath. Make a choice. Respond. Get up. Move...take some action. It's like....any minute now. (calling out) Any minute now. And....go. At some point...just being...that's one that really...(makes fists and grunts in frustration)

K: I sense irritation.

R: (puts his fingertips in mudras and closes his eyes) I'm just being.

K: No peeking.

R: If I peek...I'll probably see the world passing me by.

K: So just being is momentary. Not a state of...living.

R: State of living where you hope it'll work itself out without your action or involvement. It will all just settle. (puts on a pretty light and airy voice)

K: To be fair...you're an action guy! Sometimes we just have to sit in it. Like Anthony said. Sit on the curb. You put yourself there.

R: He also said move on.

K: Good point.

R: Move away, take another direction even if that's just getting up and standing. The view's still different.

K: I loved him. I hope he comes back.

R: He will. He's great to indulge with.

K: Really.

R: Yeah.

I see them sharing a meal together. Anthony's introducing him to some things.

K: That's so cool. I love to see stuff like that. About how spirits or angels interact with people or other beings. It's very cool.

R: Because it just cements that it's not something that has to be an "unknown".

K: It's a good thing. Okay. So...I'm done. Anything else. I mean...we could have gone down the breadcrumb trail with this one.

R: (lightly slaps the back of his chair again) I'm good if you're good.

K: I'm good.

R: (smiles) Good.

K: I love you.

R: I love you too.

K: See you soon.

R: Sooner than you think. (mimics Simon) I am but a breath away.

K: You so can't pull that off.

R: (laughs) Fluff, right?

K: But it's Simon.

R: I know. He is one that...it's just part of him. He's...he's really one of a kind.

K: He is. So are you.

R: So stop trying to get an image.

K: You're also and ass!

R: You cannot replicate this. (motions to his "body")

K: You're mother would be so proud.

R: She is. See you.

K: Bye.

Winks and is gone.

