Big news in space travel today.
NASA celebrated the touchdown
of its latest spacecraft
on Mars,
which could be the next step in
successfully colonizing space.
And look at how happy
those scientists are, huh?
That's clearly the first time
any of them
has every scored a touchdown.
Look at them, look at them.
And speaking of Mars,
Elon Musk is still planning
on voyaging to the red planet.
And anyone who wants to join him
might want to think again.
SpaceX CEO hopes to become
the first
to put people on Mars,
and there's a good chance, uh,
the CEO, Elon Musk,
could be one of them.
 Well, he says that,
 while it may seem
 like some type of luxury
 for the rich,
 living on Mars would be
 hard work.
(laughter)
That's your sales pitch?
Are you looking to not have fun
and then suffocate to death?
Come to Mars.
I will say, it is refreshingly
honest, though.
We should get Elon Musk
to do pharmaceutical ads
because he would only tell us
the side effects.
He'd be like,
"Have you tried Cevetrex?
"It might kill you;
your penis might fall off.
And it might clear up your skin,
but you'll probably die."
It's nice that Elon Musk
is so upfront
about the details, you know?
But you've got to admit, it
would have been kind of funny
if Elon Musk waited
until they landed on Mars
to be like,
"Oh, I forgot to mention,
"you are my space slaves now.
Get to work building my base."
Because then, you realize,
all those rich white people
would be slaving away
on the Martian fields.
They'd be singing their old
Caucasian spirituals.
They'd be like,
♪ Sweet, Caroline ♪
♪ Oh, oh, oh. ♪
Moving on.
All parents dream about what
their babies will look like.
But thanks to some
Chinese scientists,
you might not have to leave it
up to chance.
A bombshell overnight
from a Chinese scientist
who claimed to have created
the world's first
genetically-edited babies.
It's a procedure denounced
in the science world
as human experimentation.
The researcher made
the unconfirmed claim
 that he altered the DNA
 of twin girls born this month.
 He said the goal was to give
 them a trait resistant
 to the HIV virus.
 It's a procedure that's
 reportedly able
 to rewrite the blueprint
 of life
 during in vitro fertilization.
This is insane.
Chinese scientists have
genetically modified babies
to make them resistant to HIV.
That's how badly
some parents don't want
to talk to their kids
about safe sex.
They were like,
"Do you want to talk to them
about condoms or should I?"
It's like,
"Oh, let's just change
their DNA."
It's like,
"That seems dangerous."
"Okay. Do you, do you want
to tell them about anal?
"Okay. No.
Let's just change the DNA.
Let's just change the DNA."
Yeah. And you know, they say
it's about preventing disease,
but let's be honest.
You know that editing DNA
is just China's plan
to build superathletes.
Like, you're gonna wait until
the 2040 Olympics
the fastest man in the world
is gonna be a Chinese runner
who's just all legs.
People will be like,
"That's cheating."
He'd be like, "No. No.
It's to prevent HIV. HIV."
And finally,
California has some good news.
The wildfires ravaging
across California
have finally been contained,
right?
Specifically, the Camp Fire
has been contained.
And it's not by luck.
This is thanks
to the tireless work
of so many
courageous firefighters.
We salute you
and what you've done.
If you can, please,
keep donating. Keep donating,
because there are
many Californians
who will need our help
for some time to come.
And I was reading
about the story today,
and it's honestly fascinating,
because apparently
the firefighters
light containment fires,
pretty much controlled burns
to help cut off
where the fire can spread.
They're fighting fire with fire,
which I was thinking probably
pisses off the wildfire, right?
'Cause the wildfire
sees the other fire
working for the firefighters,
and the fire is probably like,
"Oh, you one
of those snitch fires, huh?
You gonna do me like that?"
And the other fire's like,
"Hey, man.
I'm just trying
to get a job, man."
You know, it's like,
"Oh, shit, you think...
"you think when I'm out,
"they're not gonna turn
those hoses on you, man?
You forgot where you came from,
you ashy mother(bleep)."
