first thing is again making sure that
every
key feature is mentioned so that means
that for the first year i need to
mention these percentages
same thing for the second year the third
year and the fourth preparing for the
ielts test
trying to score a band nine on a task 1
academic
chart diagram or other source of
information
take a look at this video where we'll go
through a screen share
to discuss why we think an essay can
score a band
9. also don't forget to subscribe to the
channel
hello everyone here we have another task
one
for the ielts academic writing test you
can see that this is actually a combined
chart one so sometimes this happens
where you may get like a bar graph
or a table in a pie chart so we need to
interpret this data
and talk about why we think this score
would or why we think this essay would
actually score somewhere around a band
9. we'll be grading this as always using
the model rubric for ielts
and again there's the different
categories task achievement coherence
and cohesion
lexical resource or vocabulary and
grammatical range
and accuracy which is grammar let's
begin by
taking a look at task achievement again
key things for task achievement
fully satisfies requirements clearly
developed
response so let's take a look and see
what this essay is actually already
doing
first thing is again making sure that
every key feature
is mentioned so that means that for the
first year i need to mention these
percentages
same thing for the second year the third
year and the fourth
and then for the next chart the pie
chart i need to make sure all of those
numbers are mentioned
as well as the year for the students so
let's make sure all those things are
happening
we can see based on how this is
formatted we start with an
overview so again the key with the
overview
is to identify common trends or the most
important trends that you notice
in the information that you're provided
it's not just a summary of the question
it's taking the information and trying
to give some relevant information
so for instance here we can say most of
the students were freshmen or juniors
because those were the highest
categories so 768 freshmen
first years 722 third years or juniors
also these two years had the most even
distributions
so the first years again it's almost 50
50 and then in the juniors
notice they're exactly 50 50. okay these
are different compared to the other
years
so these are the highlights that we're
using for our
overview there's a million different
things you could write for the overview
you just need to highlight something
that you think is interesting
and that kind of captures what is going
on in the charts
beyond that we need to make sure all the
information is provided
we can see that the paragraphs are
organized organized by year
so we start off with the first years so
we see 51 percent
identified as female so we had the 51
percent
female the remaining male so i mean the
49
great so those are mentioned
next we have the sophomores second
smallest group
649 students so we have the 649
mentioned
nine point difference sixty percent of
their class so almost sixty percent
which means 40 or about 40 percent it
did not
so everything looks like it's mentioned
for the sophomores
next the juniors we mentioned that they
had equal distribution
so 50 50 male to female and then
also 361 were male 361 were female so
we take
that 722 and we split it so we're
mentioning that number
we're not saying 722 though we're saying
361 were male
and 361 were female okay these are
strategies that you can use to help push
your vocabulary
which again we'll mention later on
lastly we talk about the seniors the
fourth year students
only about 42 percent which we can see
here so the percent was
mentioned and then 535
given in the pie chart great so it looks
like all the data is presented it looks
like it's presented in a logical way
and it looks like we're highlighting
everything that we need in the question
great so for me task achievement looks
like it's being achieved
can we have all the requirements of the task
and we have a fully developed response
let's take a look now cohesion coherence
and cohesion
so we want to have some paragraphing
that's making sense and is organized in
a logical way
again we mentioned that it's organized
in a way that seems pretty clear so it's
going by years and starting off
with an overview so i think in terms of
structure this is fine
you always want to decide how you're
going to map out your body paragraphs
and i think this is one
way to do it that works well we just
took all those different years and gave
each one of them a paragraph
let's see what's let's see what's going
on
in between different sentences
okay those remaining
so for instance we have this those
remaining so we have some referencing
going on
talking about students so 385 were
female those remaining is talking about
the rest of the students
great so we have some referencing
was also to indicate that we have more
information going
note that also does not just have to go
at the beginning of your sentences you
can also kind of throw it in the middle
of your sentences as well
we have in contrast to show that this is
going against what was said
earlier
also the in fact showing that additional
information will be provided about this
point
again in contrast showing contrast
this means that showing that we're going
to clarify
something that we expressed
only putting a little bit of emphasis on
the number that's going to be given
great so in terms of this i think we
have some things going on to help
link our paragraphs i mean to link our
sentences when we talk about
linking paragraphs notice we're linking
it for instance by
in contrast so we're showing that the
sophomores
are doing things differently than the
freshmen
same thing with the next one as well
and then lastly we have a comparison
with between the seniors
and the freshmen
great so i think in general in terms of
linking coherence and cohesion
referencing i think this is helping out
for your coherence and cohesion category
next we have lexical resource lexical
resource again is focusing on the
vocabulary
used so let's just kind of identify some
of the words that we think are helping
one of the things that you'll notice
again we use terms like freshmen
juniors seniors instead of just first
year second year third year
just to kind of mix up the vocabulary
there
i won't highlight all of them but again
when you see those words like freshman
sophomore juniors that's
what it's referring to so that's one way 
we're helping out the vocabulary
so even distribution shown that there's
again like a 50 50 or nearly 50 50
percentage
between two different categories so for
instance male and female
which we also refer to as the genders
great so that's helping our vocab as
well
to edge out or to beat to have more than
something else that's helping
the most lopsided this is showing that
one side
has a big difference when compared to
the other side
there's a big difference between the two
sides so for instance there's a lot more
males than females in that case
to identify as or to categorize yourself
as something or to associate yourself
with something
it's a good phrase
masculine to change our genders into
like an adjective form
an equal representation
a balance so the two sides are
relatively equal
to resemble to be similar to
so we're saying that the seniors are
most similar
to the first year students
great so i think these are the things
that are helping push the vocabulary
score a little bit higher
some of these words you would not expect
to see
in say a band six or even a band seven i
guess these are the things that help
i think are help pushing it to an eight
or nine i'm also not seeing any
spelling mistakes or any words that feel
inappropriate to me so i think this is
helping
raise the vocabulary score
lastly we're paying attention to grammar
a couple things for grammar notice that
a lot of these sentences are starting
with little phrases
so for instance here based on
information provided
regarding first years
in contrast to the sophomores
and so these are just little things you
can do to start your sentences
if you're finding that a lot of your
sentences are sounding very similar
or kind of using the same patterns over
and over again
maybe try adding a little phrase like
this at the beginning maybe a little
gerund phrase or an adjective phrase
just to mix up the sentences make them
feel a little bit more unique
you don't want your sentences to sound
mechanical and
repetitive we also have multiple clauses
so for instance it is clear that
most of the students were freshman
juniors
okay so you have two clauses here it is
clear that
followed by another one and then we're
adding on
another whole part to this as well both
of which also had the most
even distributions so here you're adding
on a little adjective phrase
okay so we have multiple clauses going
on here
51 or female also note we have this
little phrase here or roughly
385 students this is describing the 51
percent
again these little phrases you just
don't see very often from students that
are writing at like a five or a six
level this is something that you start
seeing maybe at a band seven
and naturally a lot more once you enter
into like band eights and band nines
so again adding little adjective phrases
noun phrases can really help your
writing feel more natural
i like this next sentence as well those
remaining were male
again something we mentioned earlier
it's using a pronoun it's like those
remaining
meaning the students who were remaining
um
so we're using some referencing there
and then it's it's a really short
sentence those remaining were males so
there's only four words here it's very
simple
you have a subject verb object when you
have an essay it has lots of longer
sentences
it's nice for your reader to have some
short simple sentences every now and
then
not every sentence needs to be super
complicated or have multiple clauses
it's okay to have
a couple sentences that are simple and i
think this works really well
again we have another phrase here
describing the freshman class
again another little prepositional
phrase here it's about nine point
difference describing the ratio
there's some adjective clauses so for
instance here
sophomores who are largely masculine
this is describing
sophomores which is a noun okay so ash
of clauses are naturally going to help
your score as well something you want to
include in your writing
yeah so overall these types of clauses
and phrases are the types of things that
you need to include to help push your
score
up um to get a higher band you know if
you're aiming for an eight frame before
a nine
these are things that you really need to
be considering for your grammar
all right so overall i think this essay
could do pretty well on the ielts test
i'd expect it to get an eight or nine
i think there's lots of reasons to think
it could get a night
but yeah we'll be looking at more task
ones as well
later thank you so much for your time
we'll see you in our next video
