(uplifting music)
(woman speaking)
- Yeah.
- [Joe] Are we going?
Oh, boy.
I ruined this nice music with my talking.
- [Steve] You're still
ruining it (laughs).
- [Joe] Well, now you're
just being mean (laughs).
Why didn't you ever ask J.J. Abrams
about it you dum dum?
I sure should have asked him.
(man murmuring)
- Wow, what a lovely
intro by Jesse Stillwell.
- Oh, Stillwell.
That's the guy--
- Owl by Night, yeah.
- We just went to the old P.O. box
and Jesse sent us from very,
very kind Christmas gifts.
- Yes he did.
- What did you guys get?
- Jesse sent me and my daughter
some bouldering climbing
bags and that was very kind.
- Oh, that's cool.
- You listened and then you took it in
and you turned it into a very, very
gracious offering to my family.
So, thank you Jesse.
- Merry Christmas, everybody.
Steve, I can't really hear myself
more than I can hear it in my own head.
And I like to begin every
Christmas like that.
- What would you like
me to do, turn you up--
- Turn my headphones up.
- Or your headphones up?
- Or one, maybe, I can hear Joe okay.
- It's gonna take us
a second to figure out
which headset is yours.
- Maybe turn me up.
- Is that you--
- I mean, I sound great.
- Is that your headset?
- I sound great.
- Can you hear anything
in your headset.
- That's not it.
It still sounds the same.
- Still sounds the same.
- It still sounds the same.
Still sounds the same.
- Okay, everybody.
- How 'bout that, was that you?
- Now my headset is off.
Okay, everybody, welcome, welcome.
- Okay, how 'bout that one?
Is that you?
- That's way down now, yeah.
- Way down.
Okay, so, that's you.
- This is how we do things.
- So, I'm turning you up.
How's that?
- Thank you so much.
That's so much better?
- All right, guys, we made it.
- Wow.
- Welcome to The Valleycast.
- Merry Christmas!
(Joe laughing)
This is our 100th episode,
everybody of Valleycast.
- It's a hundred episode
and you also get a look at a
behind the scenes audio check episode.
- We started off with
some nice, inside baseball
on the podcast here.
- Yeah, perfect.
- But now we're roamin' right into
the 100th episode of the podcast.
Guys, thank you for listening
from the very bottom of our hearts.
- 100 episodes means that
it's almost two years
and that makes sense because
we launched The Valleyfolk
in the beginning of 2018.
And it's about--
- Yeah and we started the
podcast a little bit later.
- The podcast has been
the most consistent thing
we've ever done.
- Yeah, it really is.
It's the thing we do weekly without fail.
- Yeah.
- Wow.
You know what's crazy to think is that
it took us two years
to get to a hundred episodes of this show.
And it took us two months
to get to a hundred episodes
at Source Fed, so--
- Yeah.
- There we go.
- Yeah and it still feels the same.
- (laughs) It's all a white wall to us.
It's all the void.
- If you're joining us and it's Christmas
thank you so much for being here.
And thank you for spending
part of your holiday with us.
If it's between Christmas and New Year's
thank you for also doing that.
And we hope you had a great holiday
and that you're looking forward
to New Year's resolutions
and New Year's festivities.
- Wow, well, you already said it.
So, do you have any resolutions
in the back a your mind
that are gonna pop out of
your mouth come the New Year?
- Yeah, I mean, I'm probably gonna do
a number of, like, health related things.
- Stop doing everything?
- Yeah, just be, just better.
- Yeah.
- You know?
But also within reason.
I don't wanna quit anything.
- You wanna keep having fun (laughs).
- I have a very fun life (laughs)--
- Oh, man what a--
- So, I can't (laughs).
- What a conundrum you're in.
- It is a conundrum and it's going,
I went to Palm Springs this weekend.
And Grace and I were
talking about what to do
and if we're doing anything.
And both of us were like:
Yeah, we just need to just be,
we need to act like we're in
our 30s a little bit more.
- You guys wanna be a little cleaner.
- A little cleaner, a little healthier,
a little sprightlier, more energetic and--
- That means more showers
and things like that?
- For her, yeah, she hates showers.
She rarely--
- She's a stinky girl.
- She's stinky, yeah, stinky.
- Where's the cat?
- That's right, old Joe.
Steve, do you have--
- That's right, me from the past.
- (laughs) Do you have any resolutions
do you think you're planning
on doing for the New Year?
- I don't know, man.
I don't really have
those and then I say them
and then I don't do them and
then it's a consistent thing.
So, I guess I just don't really--
- You don't stick to 'em?
- I don't think I participate in that.
- Not even mentally,
you don't think, like--
- I mean, you always--
- You don't use it
as a start over point?
- I mean, you always say, like:
I'm gonna do this, I swear it.
And then you don't do it.
- I do do it, though.
- Really, you do it every time?
- That's why I'm very, for the most part.
I would say I stick to 80% to 90%
- And when we say do it, let's be clear,
we're talkin' like if you
make it a month or two
you did it?
- Yes.
- You did it.
- I set reasonable goals for myself.
That way I don't set
myself up for failure.
- Yeah, I guess I just don't
set up reasonable goals.
And so, I forget about
them and I don't do it.
- I'll probably commit to
like a 90-day workout thing.
'Cause I got, like, 60--
- You'll get, like, 60 days into it.
- Yeah, 60, 70.
That's perfect.
And then it'll be my birthday.
- And to you, you consider that fulfilling
a New Year's resolution?
- More so than most, I think.
I think most people think
they're gonna do it,
they do it for maybe a week.
But I also do resolutions that
are like, I'm quitting this.
- And that's tough.
- And that's different, yeah.
It's also kinda easier too
because you're not having to do,
it's a lot easier for me
to get something out of it.
- Dude, speakin' of workin' out,
you guys see that picture of Kumal?
- Oh, yeah, Kumail.
- Oh, Kumail, Kumal?
Jesus, Kumail, holy crap!
- Yeah.
- I thought it was fake.
- No, man, he's on that workout.
- I thought it was, like, Photoshop.
- Did you see who else
was on that workout?
- No.
- 'Cause he's a social influencer
and he's been postin' a lot
a photos about it and videos?
Flula.
- Nice!
- Also as jacked because he's in the.
- Suicide Squad.
- Suicide Squad.
He's on that Marvel workout.
- Flula is?
- Yeah.
- Nice!
Good for Flula.
And so is Kumail.
Kumail's in something.
- Suicide Squad's DC, though.
- Infinite.
- Oh, yeah, Suicide Squad is DC.
- But he's on that superhero workout
but they're, dude, Kumail is--
- Flula's in the new DC?
- Suicide Squad, yeah.
- Suicide squad.
- Yeah.
- Nice, good for him.
- Yeah, man, he's in.
- Both him, both Kumail--
- And that's Gunn.
- James Gunn he's back?
- He's doin' that, right?
He's doing Suicide Squad 2 which means
Flula's, like, in with that crew now.
- Does that mean that the whole--
- How cool is that?
- The Suicide Crew, yeah.
- James Gunn thing is no longer an issue?
- He's back on Guardians isn't he?
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
- I wonder what happened.
- Basically, everyone was like (sighs).
And then it worked.
- Oh.
- Literally everyone came to his defense.
- There was like a slight huff and puff.
- And then he was like: I
was an idiot, these are old.
And then everyone was like: Oh, yeah.
- He was like: I grew.
- 'Cause it was due to some
dumb tweets or somethin'.
- I think everybody was like:
Well, if they look back at my own,
my tweets from 2011, 2012
that's not gonna be good either.
- They're not there
because I deleted them.
- So, he got busted for some tweets.
- One of the best gifts
from Bring the Funny
is them going through our tweets.
- Oh and telling you which tweets were--
- Yeah, I was like: Yes,
I will, yes, I will.
- Oh, yeah.
Well, it wasn't just tweets.
It was, like, Instagram.
- Instagram and--
- And everything.
- Yeah, no Facebook, I
don't remember any Facebook
but I don't, I haven't been on Facebook.
- I can't remember if
there was Facebook stuff.
- But both Kumail and Rob,
I don't know how to say his last name
but from It's Always
Sunny In Philadelphia.
- Oh, he, yeah.
- He got jacked but both
of them had the same thing
where they were like: This is
a Hollywood workout routine
that is nearly impossible to follow.
- 'Cause it's a job.
- And it's not normal and it's--
- It's a job.
- Yeah, he's like: I could
never do this on my own
without it being backed by a huge studio.
- Yeah, they pay for everything.
- Yeah.
- They pay for the personal trainer.
- But I just think that's a nice--
- The food.
- But goddam he looks so good.
- But they don't have to say that.
Those dudes don't have to say that.
Those dudes could get up and be like:
Look at how hard I worked,
this is all it takes and--
- Dude, I wanna go to that White Castle.
(Steve murmuring)
I wanna go over to that White
Castle and get some burgers
and put 'em in my mouth he looks so good.
- Yeah, I don't know
that I could stay away
from fast food in that.
- I can't stay away from bread.
- He's my fast food now.
- Bread is my thing, I can't stop.
- Mm, he's my bread, he's my rye,
- I can't stop.
- He's my sourdough.
- Joe, you got any resolutions?
- Hmm, more him (laughs).
- Which one?
- Kumal (laughs).
(Steve laughing)
- Come on.
- No, it's usually the same thing
but I usually do little mini resolutions
throughout the year that I stick to.
- Yes, you do.
- Like 4k, 1080P, 720P.
- Yeah.
- 480i.
- Mostly 4K.
I'll wake up on a Tuesday--
- 4x5.
- In July.
- 16x9.
- And go.
- That's a 640x480 or maybe a--
- I'm not gonna drink--
- 1920x480 or 1020--
- For two months.
- By--
- And then I won't and it's not a problem.
- Or 2x4.
- Or 1060x425.
- And I didn't eat meat
for, like, three months,
like, a fall ago.
And you guys were like:
What are you doin'?
I was like, I woke up, I don't
wanna eat meat for a while
and just see what happens.
So, I do 'em all through the year.
Just little goals that
remind me that I have
some control maybe over my life.
- It's a nice ritual we have
where you say what you're doing
and then I tell you whether or not
I think that's stupid or not (laughs).
- And you usually almost tell
me it's stupid every time.
- Not every time but many times.
- A lot of it goes back
to the fun you're like:
Wait, you're doin' that?
We can't do my thing together.
- Yeah, if you wake up and you go:
I'm not drinkin' for a
month, I'm like (sighs),
you gotta plan these things.
- You gotta tell me, man.
- Your, you had a little word slippage
that like stuck in my brain
'cause word slippages stick into my brain.
And I just, you know,
it's always, it's just--
- Like Kumal.
- I don't know, I can't
I can't, yeah, like Kumal.
You said: Ritual.
But ritual's correct.
But what if we used, took the word, ritual
and called it a ritual,
like rich as in riches
and then came up with, each one of us,
what is some kind of ritual we have
where it's like we're living like we,
like it's, like, what's
the most extravagant thing
that you put your time into,
that you're like, that's my ritual?
Like, my thing is is I--
- Extravagant's a weird
word to put to that
but I know what you're saying.
- Like splurge?
- Yeah.
Like, my thing is is like
when Barnes & Noble had
their Criterion sale
I went and bought way too
many Criterion movies.
- Yeah.
- So, not so much a ritual.
You're saying: What's the thing
that we do that's a little--
- But I'm calling it a
ritual as a play on words.
But I guess that's less about like--
- Oh, are you saying
rich, R, as in R-I-C-H?
- Yeah, yeah.
- Rich.
- What's your ritual?
- (laughs) Okay, now I get it.
- Yeah.
- Mine is, I don't, if I'm traveling,
if I'm in an airport I don't
care that it's overpriced.
- That it's the most expensive
stuff that you'll ever do?
- Yeah, I think traveling
in general sucks.
So, I take a, I don't care.
I'll stop in a fancy bar
or restaurant and eat there
and then just not look
at how much it costs?
- Man.
- 'Cause it sucks.
♪ Rejoice, rejoice ♪
- Thank you, Steve.
(guys singing)
- It's beautiful.
- I'm gonna jump on that
answer a little bit.
I agree, it's kinda nice to just sit down
and have a few drinks at the
bar by yourself at the airport.
I get in the most weird conversations
with people when doing that.
I talked to some, like,
Canadian mining mogul.
- Oh, that's great.
- And he probably told me way too much
for, like two hours.
- Yeah, why does that happen
in the airport?
- 'Cause they feel like nobody cares.
It's all just gonna
eviscerate into the ether.
- Also, you're bored out of your mind.
So, it's like, I'll chat
somebody up and be like--
- And everybody wants to say all the stuff
that's inside 'em all the time.
- I had this guy who worked
for the Coca Cola company
basically tell me how bad Coca Cola is.
- For you.
- Yeah, well he just--
- And the environment.
- He just left, he was
like he had just left
and he worked there for
10 years or something.
And he was in the, like in the,
I guess he was like a chemist
and he worked in like the formula,
like whatever the chemistry area
of the Coca Cola company was.
And he was talking about how--
- It's the Coca Cola chemistry company.
- The Coca Cola, the CCC.
- C.
- The Canadian
Coca Cola chemistry company
is just an offshoot.
- And that's a five C, yeah.
But he was talking about how he,
that basically Coke Zero
and Diet Coke and Coke Max
or whatever the fuck you
all those other different
offshoots of Coke--
- Pepsi Coke.
- He said that they're
so bad, they're like,
they're gonna kill our
children essentially
if they're drinking them
because they have just the
nastiest chemically created,
lab created things in them.
- Like a derivative of a
derivative of a derivative.
- Yeah, that they don't know
how it will effect people
10 years from now or whatever.
- Give us 50 years.
You guys are our test subjects, yeah.
- But he was saying he felt really bad.
And he went to his superiors and was like,
we gotta do something about
how you guys don't really care
about what we're developing here.
And you just want it to be the cheapest,
quickest, best tasting thing.
And they were just like:
Either you do it or you leave.
And so, he left.
But he was like: If you have to drink Coke
just drink regular Coke 'cause
all the other ones are like,
'cause he was like basically
Coke is like sugar, right?
It's just, like, sugar and some other--
- Sugar that you can clean
your car engine with.
- Right, so, but sugar is like
when you break down sugar,
like, actual raw sugar
to like down to it's
like chemical compounds
it's like very few elements.
But he was like, the
sweeteners like the aspartane
and the zevia or maybe not
zevia but the aspartane
and the things that are in the Diet Coke--
- The fuck you sugar.
- That make it sweet,
the like science sugar
has like a hundred different
chemical elements to them.
Whereas sugar is like four or something.
And all of those things we
have no idea how they react
to different physiological
biological makeups and such.
- But if I know science you can rearrange
all of those things that are in that thing
into better good things.
Like, everything's made of the
same stuff, drink it, Coke.
(guys laughing)
- And now and let's do our ads.
- I don't totally disagree.
(Joe laughing)
- Let's do our ads for Coke.
(guys laughing)
Enjoy Coca Cola.
But anyway, but that was one
of those airport conversations
where the guy was just like,
like, you know, he's like:
I look at America, I look at the U.S.
and I just see kids drinking
Diet Cokes or whatever,
parents drinking Diet Cokes
and then they're genetically handing down
these weird chemical genetic things
from just their habits
of drinking Diet Coke
and Coke Zero and shit.
And he's like: And I'm
terrified to see what kind of
weird cancers and weird
medical problems will develop
just from the basic weird
chemical science things we created.
He's like: And I help do that.
And I'm like, I'll never be
able to like live it down.
And it was just like this really bizarre
and really like eye
opening crazy conversation
that I had with this guy.
- A lot of scientists who are
wanting to make actual livings
will be employed by
pharmaceutical companies,
people like Cola Cola--
- Oh, the people with money.
- People with money.
And then a lOt of the stuff that they do
specifically in the
pharmaceutical companies is good
but the company itself does
a bunch a terrible things.
And so, there's all these
people in the world of science
that feel horrible about what they do
because they're being employed
by these sort of massive--
- Yeah, you ever seen that--
- The evil companies.
- Inspirational poster
that says: Watch out for that
bottom line, it'll get ya.
- No.
- Is that the one with the
cat hanging from the branch?
- Yeah, it's the bottom line (laughs).
- That's what I thought.
Cat hanging from the bottom line.
- I don't buy stuff,
though, I don't buy objects.
I'll buy food and
experiences and I'll travel
but I don't buy things.
- But you're not
a materialistic person.
- Yeah, I can't remember the last
and I don't like shopping.
There's very few things where
I'm like, that, the clothes.
- You like going to a mall or something?
You don't like going to the
mall and just walking around
and lookin' at shit?
- For some reason, the
buying stuff for myself
doesn't register as
something that I want to do.
- A ritual.
- I feel like I'm getting
tricked when I buy stuff.
- Yeah.
- 'Cause I'm like, I'm not
ever gonna need this or use it.
- Yeah, you don't trust
that bottom line either.
- And I don't trust the bottom line.
- You're hangin' from it.
- I still don't know what that means but--
- Yeah, I don't know.
- What about you, you have a ritual?
- Yeah, I don't understand it either.
- Dude, I actually feel,
I feel a little bad.
I feel like, not bad but just like,
oh, Joe, this is you being you.
I don't do anything like that.
- But what's like the
one thing that you like--
- Nothing, nothing comes to my mind.
- Really?
- Yeah, like, sitting down
and havin' a couple drinks--
- You should feel bad about that.
- I do feel bad.
- But what about throwin'
back some booze or somethin'?
Like throwin' back a couple a beers?
- Yeah, I'll sit down and
I'll have a couple a beers.
- Like, that's your ritual.
- But even that's beer.
- But and that's the
saddest ritual of all.
(Elliott laughing)
- But I mean, but I mean--
- That ritual, if that's the ritual
that kind of explains everything.
- But if you go to like a bar
it's like fuckin' seven dollars
for an IPA or somethin', right?
Like, that's kind of a splurge?
- Yeah, I mean, any going out and eating
is a splurge, I suppose,
at the end of the day.
- Yeah, I guess when you go out,
so, maybe, your ritual is
like goin' out with friends
when you go out with
friends to go to the bar
is havin' three or four
drinks or something.
- My ritual these days is
still not spending a lot
but putting a chunk of money
into something that lasts a long time
and creates an extended experience for me.
Examples would be--
- Classes and stuff.
- Having kids.
- I spend a hundred bucks to do
our fantasy football league every year.
- There you go.
- For me that is an
insane buy-in.
- There you go.
- It's very rare that I
would spend $100 at Vegas,
like, I don't like it.
But fantasy football--
- Oh, Vegas is another one--
- Gives me,
gives me 16 weeks of some
form of entertainment
and community with the group
that I'm doing with it.
- Yeah.
- So, that seems
like it goes a long way.
- Your buying an experience
as well as a potential payoff.
- Yeah, the now $85 a month fee
that I'm doing for the bouldering class
for me and my daughter
is something that is an extended thing
that I get to keep going
and I think is worthwhile.
I got, I don't know man, I
got spending PTSD from my dad,
he was always kind of worried,
we didn't come from means growing up.
So, I kind of learned his
spending habits from him.
And, then, with my wife
and her medical issues
I'm always worried about when
the next big bill's coming in.
And I gotta pay that.
So, I just don't, I don't splurge.
And I think there's
guilt associated to it.
But I also didn't learn how to do that.
I don't do it on myself.
And honestly, at times,--
- It takes learning to do.
- And I think this company
is helping me do it at times
when it's like, I'm scared.
It's like, we need a new camera.
And I'm like, I don't know of
we should buy a new camera.
It's like, well, we gotta
spend money to make money.
And we buy a new camera.
So, I'm learning through
these little mistakes
or successes that we make
through the business.
- Yeah, there's a misnomer I
think that if you just don't,
if you just act like everything's
terrible all the time,
then, you're gonna one day wake up
and it's not gonna be terrible.
But what you're gonna do is
your gonna condition yourself
to things being terrible.
And, then, your behavior's
gonna mirror that.
So, you're gonna just keep
perpetuating the cycle.
- A hundred percent.
And I think I honestly--
- The law of attraction?
- Mm hm.
- The bottom line (laughs).
Avoid the bottom line.
And I think therapy is
probably also helping me
through that as well because, you know,
like the basic thought of it all is
anxiety's worrying about the future,
which is, when you're talkin' money
you're constantly
worrying about the future.
That's all that is.
And, then, the past--
- Actually, Kierkegaard says:
Anxiety is the dizziness of freedom.
- Kierkegaard's my favorite.
- Is that the one with the
cat hangin' from the branch?
- Fuckin' dwarf, he was so
good to Snow White (laughs).
- Dude, Kierkegaard is a philosopher.
And Grace got me a pair of socks--
- Grumpy, Dopey, Doc,
Kierkegaard (laughs).
- Listen, what I'm saying
is more interesting.
- Dostoevsky.
- Douchechaijesky.
- You got five seconds
and story's going away.
- Tchaikovsky.
- Five, four.
She got me socks with Kierkegaard's face.
Or you can keep going
if you wanna keep goin'
with the fuckin' dwarf joke (laughs).
- It was pretty good.
- Was it?
- Yeah.
- It was--
- Kierkegaard?
- It was okay.
- Yeah, it was all right.
- We'll be right back.
- Do you hear
the feedback (laughs).
- Yeah.
(door shuts)
It's somethin', I don't know if it's
wrong with the zoom or--
- Wait, is this--
- I wasn't tryin'
to yell at you.
I just wanted to tell my story.
- Is his face interesting?
No, not at all (laughs).
- Like, if I saw his socks--
- It's literally an old person.
- Would I be like: That's Kierkegaard?
- No.
I didn't know what he looked
like until he's on socks.
- Are they called Kierkesocks?
- But you're right, your bit was better.
- Like, if someone saw it
would they know it was Kierkegaard?
- Yeah.
- Huh, no.
I wouldn't know--
- What does it look like,
can you describe it?
- It's a giant black and
white face of Kierkegaard
with the word Kierkegaard on 'em.
It's arguably--
- So, the only defining thing
is that is says: Kierkegaard.
- Right.
- Which is what makes it maybe
the dumbest gift I've ever--
- What does the Kierkegaard look like,
can you describe?
- Like, imagine an old
black and white philosopher.
- So, beard.
- I assume they're all literally
black and white though.
- Beard, like Darwin.
I'm thinkin' of Darwin.
- I'm not seein' a beard,
I'm not seein' a beard.
- I'm seein' Darwin for some reason.
- But I'd like to say,
I apologize for talkin' over you guys.
(Joe laughing)
Truly.
- Fuck you (laughs).
- No, I actually meant that to be sincere.
But I do this when it comes out sarcastic.
I meant that sincerely.
- I just wanted to clarify
that you were right.
Our bit was better because it was a bit
and yours was just an actual story.
So, you had the best story.
- Yes.
- Bits are better
than stories, yeah.
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
Well, that is--
- No, I wasn't sayin' that.
I was sayin' he had the
best story at the time.
We had the best bit.
And this is episode 100 (laughs).
- It's an unstoppable
force, an immovable--
- To that I say, to both
things I say: Was it?
- Was it?
(guy laughing)
Was bit?
- Both of those things paled in comparison
to this part of it, for sure.
- I'll tell you what.
Nothing is better than the
100th episode of a podcast.
- Yeah (laughs).
- That actually makes--
- When you really think about it.
- Makes me realize,
queue up the music for the
100th episode theme song.
- The 100th episode track
that I've been using
is what you're asking for?
- Oh, no, no, no, the one that,
the one from Epidemic Sound,
that hundredth episode theme song music.
♪ Hundredth episode ♪
♪ This is the hundredth episode ♪
♪ 100 episodes we did it and we're here ♪
♪ 100 episodes, 101 is near ♪
♪ 100 episodes, we talked
about so much stuff ♪
♪ 100 episodes, you
just can't get enough ♪
♪ And we're gonna do another
year of the Valleycast ♪
♪ Because we sold ad spots and
we have to do (laughs) that ♪
- Keep goin', keep goin, it's almost over.
- You remember that, Joe, just look it up.
♪ It's the hundredth
episode of the Valleycast ♪
♪ You see it on your Spotify ♪
♪ And you probably passed ♪
♪ You listen to other stuff, thank you ♪
♪ Goodbye (laughs) ♪
- I really thought you
were mentioning a real song
and trying to convince to you
what song that was for the first half.
- Well, it's Careless Whisper.
- It was Careless Whisper, yeah.
- What are you guys doin' for Christmas?
- My dad's coming--
- The thing that's in the past right now.
- Man, I'm tryin' to find
some good just simple,
simple fucking Christmas music.
- My dad is flying in.
He's gonna be here for two weeks.
We always do a family--
- Two weeks, you got full two weeks, huh?
- Full two weeks, yeah.
- Wow!
- Well, it's less than--
- Sucks (laughs).
- It's less than the full
three weeks from prior.
- Three weeks!
- Yeah, we go the Full Monty,
we get naked for three weeks.
But the thing that we do,
the tradition that we do every year
is we go and get Santa pictures together.
- Oh, that's very cute
when you guys do that.
- We have Santa pictures--
- You tried to capture photos
of Santa in the action.
- Yes, every time.
- That's the Santa photos
you're talking about.
- We all have guns, it's great.
- What do you need guns for?
- Shooting him.
- Kill Santa.
- I thought you were just
trying to take photos.
- Scare him.
- Queue up the kill Santa track (laughs).
- Okay (laughs).
- You can't just say: Freeze,
you have to have a gun.
- So. We've got like Santa
pictures for the last six years
and it's our whole family and grandpa.
And I don't feel like
grandpa gets to be part of those photos
as you're growing up as a kid very often,
so, it's cool.
- Has he ever
gotten to be Santa?
- No.
- Does he wanna be Santa?
- Well, he does Santa in his own way.
He doesn't do dress up Santa
but he goes annoyingly
overboard with the kids.
And I'm like, oh, okay, well,
now you're setting expectations
for the rest of their life
that I'm not gonna be
able to keep up with.
So, thank you.
- Do you think he wants to
get in the beard and outfit
and be like: Oh, I'm santa.
And then come in an be
like: Oh, little Jackson,
you've been good this
year and shit like that?
- No, I don't think he wants to dO that.
At least he hasn't--
- It's a lot a work.
- He hasn't expressed as such.
- Do you know what you're dressing up as?
Is it gonna be, like, elves again?
- I don't know.
We usually, the wife
gets Christmas jammies
for the whole family.
And we usually open those
up on Christmas Eve.
And then we wear dem.
- Then you take off all your clothes
in front of each other
and put on the pajamas.
- And we kill Santa.
(guys laughing)
- What about New Year's?
What are you guys doin' for New Year's?
- We hung out with you last year?
- Did you?
- Like, spur of the moment, yeah, 'member.
- Oh, that was actually kind of fun.
- My grandpa, my grandpa?
My grandpa was there in spirit.
But my dad was also there.
- Yeah, your dad talked to Pete.
- Yeah.
- For a while.
Yeah, like, a long time.
And then me and Sara and
Claudia and some people
I think went to IHOP afterward
and it was the best IHOP I've ever had.
Denny's.
- And then we made
ritual sacrifice as well.
- Did that have anything
to do with any substances?
- You would think and I stand
by how good the Denny's was.
- It just was good?
- It was so good.
It was, like, actually
well-cooked, really good Denny's.
I've never experienced anything like it,
especially it was the North
Hollywood one which is not good.
- Well, a lot a people
don't know you have to say,
you have to order your food, well good.
- Well good.
- I would like that meal, well good.
- Yeah, can I have a Moons
Over My Hammy, well good.
- That's how you get a
good country fried steak.
- Yeah, yeah.
- Through a well good.
- How would you like it?
Well good.
- Could we cook it well good?
- Good.
- Duh.
Why are you asking?
- Yeah, last year.
Do you know what you're doin' this year?
- No.
- Do you know what you're doin'.
- No.
- Okay, me neither.
- All right, great.
Why don't we cut to a break?
- Let's cut to a break.
- We'll probably talk about it
on the next podcast.
(Elliott laughing)
What'd you do last year?
- I went to Hawaii.
- Oh, that's right, you, was
your best New Year's ever.
- Yeah, it was really cool, man.
- Did you see fireworks, bonfire?
- Just being in Hawaii, yeah, yeah.
They do the fireworks there.
- What about bonfire,
did you do a big fire?
- I don't think I saw a bonfire.
I feel like it's something they probably
wouldn't wanna participate in.
I feel like a bonfire on
the beach or something
for some reason seems
disrespectful or something.
They're very about the
like keeping the land pure
and nice and--
- They're like: It's too close
to water, water hate fire.
- Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Can't get water near fire, yeah.
Unless they're doin' some
sort a luau or something
and that seems like maybe that would be.
But I hear those luaur's
are super, like, touristy.
- You just stroked and we're
drunk at the same time.
- The slurs.
- Luaur's and touristy.
- Yeah, I hear they're too touristy.
I was talking to Alana, I was like,
and we 're gonna see some like
fuckin' hula dancing and shit
and eat like a fucking pig on the beach.
And then she's like: Nah,
that's touristy shit.
- Well, I'll be in Hawaii
at the end of January.
- Oh, really?
- Yeah.
For, it's gonna be a one year anniversary.
But I don't know where we're staying
and I don't know how many
luaur's we're gonna go to
but probably not many.
- Luaur's (laughs).
- It's a very hard word to say.
- Just know that if you
are considering a luau
it's very touristy.
- And that's okay.
- I can almost guarantee you
that's not, we won't do that.
I don't even think I'd want to.
- I hope you guys jump off
of a cliff into a pond.
- Whoa, I'm glad you ended
that with, into a pond.
(guys laughing)
- Coulda went anywhere.
- I hope you jump right off a cliff.
- I hope you find a grotto.
- Anyway, next.
- As 2019 is ending, I hope
you two jump off a cliff.
- Together.
- Steve, you know how
you were saying earlier
like a word thing you stuck in your brain?
You did that with me
and I don't think this has ever been done
but I think we could do it.
What if we organize the
first ever and biggest
and world record setting
'cause it'd be the first ever
bondfire and it's a bonfire
comprised solely of discarded
James Bond DVD cases.
- Like, we, you,
like, you burn them.
- And we have a bonfire.
Yeah.
- It's a Bondfire
- It's a Bondfire.
- Maybe it's like you burn
the worst Bond movies.
- Yeah, you bring the ones or
you bring your least favorite
Bond movie--
- And then you burn it.
- And you burn it.
- And you say like a Bond--
- Yeah, yeah, yeah.
- Like a word of-
- Yeah, yeah, yeah.
And there's drinks.
- Like, you have a eulogy
for each Bond movie.
- It sounds like you could
save a lot of time and energy
if you just turn this into a meme.
And then just had a fire
and then Photoshopped
a bunch of Bond stuff.
- Bondfire.
- And then we're like,
see you at the Bondfire.
- Or maybe it's like a tweet.
- Fuck you too, Elliott (laughs).
- But that's what memes are.
Memes take god jokes and
reduce them to the most--
- Maybe it's just a simple tweet.
- Maybe it's just a simple tweet.
- It's just text and all it says is:
Real missed opportunity
not making one of these
James Bond movies Bondfire.
- Or this turns into one
of those Area 51 things
and people on the internet
take this brilliant idea
and they run with it and
the world's first ever,
biggest ever world record setting Bondfire
actually happens somewhere,
probably in England.
- I don't have like a--
(guys laughing)
I don't have a connection or a real love
or really kind of any kinda care at all
for the James Bond movies.
- I'm that way but with fire.
- I never liked any of
the James Bond movies.
- I'm incredibly neutral on bonfires.
- Just with fire at all?
Bonfires?
- Oh, they're fine.
I was gonna say like--
- I don't think I've
ever been to a good one.
- What you just said was controversial.
(guys laughing)
- I'm sorry, you're throwing
some hot takes in here.
- Yeah, it's a lot.
- With fire.
- Dude, I was thinking
about this recently.
I thought the same damn thing.
I saw the trailer which I didn't
think was a great trailer.
- I still haven't even seen the trailer.
- And I think
the same thing--
- Me neither.
- Every time a new James Bond, one second.
- Oh, it's okay, you
could keep it, thank you.
- A new James bond trailer
happens, is that I do that
and then for some reason I'll see it,
like, I'll sit down on
a night where I'm like:
Screw it, I'll watch it.
Or a friend will take me to the movie
'cause I didn't grow up bein'
a big James Bond guy either.
And gosh darn it, I am
entertained start to finish
every time.
- Yeah, love, love.
- But I don't think about
it again once I leave.
- That's the thing, it's like, he never--
- Forget it immediately.
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
- I don't wanna own any of them.
- Popcorn film.
- Yeah.
Still like it.
Like, I have no hate towards it.
It entertains me.
I think Daniel Craig
is great at what he do.
I think sky, (mumbles)
sky, what the hell was it?
- Skyfall.
- Skybound.
- Skyfall was Home
Alone 5 is all that was.
But it was fun.
- Did you really think it was Skybound?
(guys laughing)
James Bond, Skybound.
I mean, it could be.
- From Robert Kirkman.
- I just feel like the most excited
I've ever been about
any James Bond anything
was when they were like:
We're gonna have a female 007.
- That'd be cool.
- That's the first time
I've been like: Oh, I'm in!
- I'll still be entertained.
- 'Cause at least it's interesting.
- Maybe.
- I feel like they're always--
- How do you know it's
gonna be interesting?
- It could suck.
- It's interesting because it's different.
- That part's different.
- Every James Bond movie is the same.
- I kinda like that, though.
- I mean, I, sure.
- I don't like change or progress.
And I don't know what you guys
don't understand about that.
(guys laughing)
- Who are you voting for, Elliott?
- I think we're on a good track.
(guys laughing)
- He may not even have to.
- I realize, yeah, I was.
You ever have that
thing where you're like:
What's the anxiety, like,
the source of the anxiety
that you're feeling in the moment?
And I just realized it's
'cause I had to post
all those God dang American
Airlines videos today.
And I made the mistake of
clicking on my Instagram
before I came here.
And I was like,
I wanna burn the social
media empire to the ground.
But anyway, download the app
before you take your next flight
to catch up on their latest
and greatest movie collections.
- Yeah, definitely do that
with American Airlines.
I don't know if the other ones do that.
- No, I don't think they do.
- But American Airlines does.
- Definitely not American Airlines.
- Dude, American Airlines was where we--
- #Ad.
- Sat in that first class
for the first time and--
- I'll never forget it.
- I'll never be the same.
- I'll never forget it.
- Everything's different.
- And then any time I'm planning
some kind a trip or something
I always just kinda look.
- Just to see.
- I just look to see if first
class is doable in any way.
And it just never is.
- Never is.
- There's no realm.
- Do you guys wanna hear
about my first class trip
to that American Airlines (laughs)?
- Yeah.
- Sure.
- No, I'm not gonna do
that, nevermind (laughs).
- Okay (laughs).
- Elliott's on one right now.
- Sorry.
Usually I can disregard
everything that the internet says.
And other days I cannot.
- I think the only way
to navigate it is to--
- The power button.
- Just focus on your own life.
And not worry about what
everyone else is saying.
- Oh, man, my, yeah, that.
- It's the only way.
- That fixes it immediately.
- It's the only way.
- You know what helps
sometimes is having, you know,
kids to worry about.
So, Elliott you can worry
about my kids if you want.
- Oh, I do.
(Joe laughing)
No, I think your kids are great.
- I feel like covering
a stressful situation
with another stressful situation--
- What are you trying to say?
- Maybe not so good.
- What the hell are
you guys trying to say?
- I'm sayin', uh--
- What ya sayin' 'bout my kids?
- I'm sayin' that I'm not really
big into James Bond movies
'cause I'm way more into
fantasy and sci-fi.
(guys laughing)
That's what I'm sayin'.
- All right.
- That's my hot take.
- Hi everybody.
Oh, no, I did the wrong hand, hang on.
Welcome to the adread portion.
I've already done this once
but I forgot to hit record on my phone.
So, things are goin' pretty well
and I got my head in the game.
Anyway, let's get started, shall we?
Let's start with Meundies,
let's start from the inside
and then work our way out.
Meundies, guys is one
of our favorite sponsors
we have here at The Valleycast.
And we're so happy they're
still working with us
especially over the holiday season.
And you know what's funny
about the holiday season?
Everybody's got all these gifts to buy.
And you know a lot of
people get 'em done early.
But if you haven't done
it, maybe you forgot,
maybe you're like: Eh, I'll
do a friend Christmas later.
Well, Meundies has your back, well, butt.
So, anyway (stutters) don't worry.
Last minute people can still actually
get a gift for their friends
that they are going to love.
And it's gonna be delivered
straight to their door with free shipping.
No butts about it, you
know what I'm saying.
Actually all butts about
it, 'cause undies, get it?
Oh, they put the joke in there.
It's kind of one of those
things where it's like
they're not sure that it's a good joke
so, they're like: Get it?
And then that way if you don't like it
they can rest on the fact
that they called it out.
I say stand by it, Meundies.
I think that's a funny joke
and I think you should own it.
So, anyway, you guys
know we love Meundies.
It's nine to 10 of the pairs
of underwear that I wear.
It makes me feel like
all of my old underwear
are just imposters.
And they need to be
thrown out immediately.
The fabric is that
micromodal deliciousness
that makes your junk
feel like it's in heaven.
And yeah, I tend to get
the darker colored ones.
I know Joe and Steve get
the more colorful patterns
which is great.
There's a ceiling for you 'cause
my thing's falling asleep.
But anyway, get Meundies.
They don't just have underwear,
they got onesie, okay.
They got socks, they got
all sorts of fun things.
And you can find all of
them at Meundies.com/valley
to get 15% off your first
pair along with free shipping
and a 100% satisfaction
guarantee, okay guys.
It's cold right now, it's the winter.
It's getting dark at 4:00 p.m.
So, what you're gonna wanna do
is you're gonna wanna get cozy.
And the way you're gonna do that
is you're gonna contact
Meundies at Meundies.com/valley
to get 15% off your first
pair along with free shipping
and 100% satisgassatspasmaction, anyway.
Sorry, again, I've already done this once.
But I'm excited to do it again
because I talk about Meundies.
A lot a times people are like:
Are they really that great?
And the truth is that they are,
which is why it's so
easy to do this adread.
And I sometimes like: Oh,
I done a really big one.
Meundies.com/valley, 15% off.
And you guys know what, treat yourself.
If you got a little holiday cash
burnin' a hole in your pocket,
reach your hand through that pocket,
grab a hold a your underwear,
do a little feel test.
Does this feel like Meundies?
If it doesn't, you're gonna
wanna go to Meundies.com/valley.
Guys, I would like to talk
to you about more clothes.
This is why I'm doing the adread portion
because I happen to
very much enjoy clothes.
And if you could describe
your style in one word
what would you choose?
For me it would be: Cramped,
slightly uncomfortable
with bad lighting but that's
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Maybe you mean casual or sophisticated.
Whatever it is the expert stylists
at Stitchfix have your back, literally.
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That's a stupid thing
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Not all clothes are fit for everyone.
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We're talkin' less one
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hey, that's really my style
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and a good thread count on my fav clothes.
Is it a thread count if it's clothes?
Who knows?
Stitchfix is an online
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You get a box, you open
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They go: Oh, okay, you
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And guess what?
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I use Stitchfix all the time, I love it.
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I have a jacket from them
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That's Stitchfix.com/valley,
thank you guys.
Back to the show, which I
think was a good episode as I,
oh, oh, it gets really dark.
It gets really dark, good luck.
Now it's nice and loopy
and I like it a lot.
- James Bond is, what is James Bond
if it is not just an offshoot
of Lord of the Rings?
Discuss.
- In every way, yeah.
Total ripoff.
- Discussion over (laughs).
- If it wasn't for Lord of the Rings
there wouldn't be a James Bond.
- Exactly.
- You guys, I know this
is gonna be so much later
and everyone's not gonna
be talking about it
but I do recommend you guys
listen to the Watchmen Podcast.
- Oh, yeah, I gotta do that.
- It's super good.
- Owen usually listens to it
and then recaps it for me.
And tells me
all the interesting stuff.
- Oh, really?
That's just as good.
- Is it like a behind the
scenes of all the little
if's, and's or but's.
- Yeah, it's kind of
Damon Lindelof explaining.
How far along are you?
- Three, episode three.
- Okay, it's about to get real good.
- I'm sad that it's over.
- Me too, man.
- (stutters)
I can't be well, I can't navigate a world
where there's just maybe gonna be no more.
- I know.
- But I have to be okay with it.
And a lot a people are for it.
- For no more?
- For no more.
- For no more years.
- That's my favorite Edgar
Allen Poe, for no more.
- Quoth the raven.
- Quoth the raven.
- For no more.
- For no more.
- Yeah, they talk, he talks about that
in the last episode of the podcast
and he's like basically
saying what you had told me,
which was that he had no
intention of making any more
because he was like, this took
two years of my life to make.
And he was like, I don't
know what it is now.
He's like, I know why
I did the first season.
He's like, I don't know why
I would do a second season.
And the podcast author or
host gives a very good reply
where he's like, you don't know that now.
He's like, but either
thing you do is great.
He's like, either way,
if you make more, great.
If you don't make more, great.
He's like, but if you were
to make more, he's like,
I have faith that you will
know why when the time comes.
- Yeah.
- If it's right.
And I was like, that's such a beautiful,
'cause the way he talks about the show,
the guy's, like, he's a genius.
- I mean, yeah.
- It's insane.
- He's outside a the box too.
All his ideas are just frickin' wacko.
- Yep.
- He's just really, he, yeah, I mean,
I don't know what else there is to say
other than just, he's a genius.
- Yeah.
- He's a genius.
- And he still talked
about in that podcast
ideas that he would have
that he hot shot down on.
And one of them was the, spoiler.
- Careful with Joe.
- Not go in my ears.
- It's nothing big.
- Okay.
- You know the elephant?
- Yeah.
- He basically talks about how he, like,
original idea was to make it the clone
of the woman walking in.
And the writers were like,
that doesn't make any sense,
we're already doing
that with such and such.
And therefore, let's make it an elephant.
And it's like a hard drive
that all the memory's gonna be stored in.
And, then, he was like,
that's better than my--
- Interesting, that's the answer?
Because that's like what fans were saying.
Fans were like, they're probably using him
as an organic hard drive for her memories.
- Yep, that's what I
thought when I saw it,
which I thought was very fun.
- I guess I couldn't put that together.
I was just like, all right,
here's some weird shit.
- Yeah, that too.
Yeah, all right, whatever.
Everything else in the show's bonkers.
All right, you're good.
- Here's some weird shit that
probably makes perfect sense.
- Have you read the Watchmen?
- The book?
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
- The graphic novel.
- Yeah, I've never read it, so, I don't,
graphic novel, yeah.
- Reading the graphic novel made the show
a more rich experience.
- Yes.
It explains, I'm like I
said, three episodes in
but it explains all
the little extra things
that I feel like if you didn't,
if you would've read
the graphic novel first
you would a had this
extra layer of enjoyment
'cause you would a been
like, ooh, look at that,
I know what that is, ooh,
look at that, that's great.
- And a lot of things would of made
a little more sense right away
'cause the first episode
had the squid fall.
And you're like, if you don't
know anything about Watchmen
you're like: What the fuck?
- I didn't know, I know nothing, yeah.
- Just a fever dream of a first episode.
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
- But I just, I guess what
I'm seeing on the internet
a lot about it is is that someone was like
and I'm paraphrasing but
someone was basically like,
if we don't get another Watchmen,
if we don't get another season of Watchmen
but they get, like, but
Damon and that whole company,
the whole crew of people
that made that show
get free reign with HBO
with unlimited budget
and just whatever the fuck you wanna make.
If that ends up being the
next thing that he does,
then, like fuck yeah.
Like, that's the win.
The win is that he gets to make--
- Patton Oswald said
like, now let that team
do League of Extraordinary Gentlemen.
- Oh, that'd be cool.
- That's an interesting take.
- See that's cool but Damon
Lindelof chose Watchmen
specifically because it changed his life.
Watchmen means a lot to him.
- Well and for him it
was perfectly in line
with where we're at culturally,
which is like, that's in
that Creative Curve book
where he talks about the way
to become creatively successful
is we have to be in line
with where society's at.
And he happened to
nail that part.
- Nailed it.
- But also I heard that
he was reading a book
about the Tulsa Massacre.
- Oh, really.
- And that he was
actually reading that book
when the option of
Watchmen was brought up.
And then he was like: Oh, shit.
- I plan to super educate myself on that
because that whole thing
is just an example of
that's a history that I was never taught.
- Me neither, me neither, dude.
- Never heard of it, it has been buried.
- I didn't know it was
real until Watchmen.
Which is very sad.
- To be fair, you don't really know
what's real and what isn't in that show
because a lot of it is,
it's an alternate timeline.
Vietnam's part of the U.S.
and fuckin' Robert
Redford is the president.
- Right, which is a
great allegory I guess.
- Yeah, yeah, I guess so.
- Or parallel to, 'cause
yeah they had that line in it
where it's like: No way
is some cowboy actor
gonna become president.
- Well, he wasn't the
first, it's actually Reagan.
It's probably closer to Reagan.
- Well, that's what they were--
- Oh, I thought you were
saying it was closer to now.
- Well, I think they
were still saying, like--
- A little bit of both.
- Yeah.
- An amalgamation.
- 'Cause now, no way a
reality TV host would be,
is, like popular, anyway, whatever.
- Oh, God, we can't
even say that any more,
it's crazy (laughs).
- But it's just, I feel
like, let Damon Lindelof
make whatever the fuck he wants.
And I'm in, I'm in.
- Give that boy buckets a money and say:
Whatever books you like.
(Steve laughing)
- Let me watch 'em.
- Well, it's Lost, it's
Leftovers, it's Watchmen,
what else is it?
- Lost, Watchmen.
- Gilmore Girls.
- Leftovers.
- Gilmore Girls.
- And Home Improvement.
- Good God.
- Leftovers and he wrote
Prometheus, I think.
Which is like real trash garbage.
- But writing-wise I've heard Prometheus
is pretty brilliant.
Heard the movie sucks
but the story itself--
- There's some visuals in
Prometheus that suck with me.
- Some interesting
concepts but I don't know.
- I tried watching the one after,
what's the one after that?
- Covenant.
- Mm mm.
- Yeah.
(Elliott laughing)
- Covenant is the James
Bond of the Aliens franchise
if you know what I'm sayin' (laughs).
- They're not good.
Those movies are not good.
- I've never seen any of 'em, I have no--
- They're not good.
- Wait, Aliens?
- No, no, the new Aliens.
- Are you guys reading anything right now?
- Calvin and Hobbs.
- Oh, nice.
- No, I'm dead serious.
I've already got that
big, full, three binder
massive, 30 pound box set.
And I've been trying to trick my brain
back into doing things outside of routine
which is, you know, come to
work, look at the computer,
go home, look at the phone,
like, get off this stuff
and kinda start new paths
of enlightenment in the brain again.
So, I'm just tryin' to
force myself to read.
And I was like, Calvin
and Hobbes is a good one.
- Yeah, that's very good.
- I've been trying to draw more.
- Nice, man.
- 'Cause I stopped drawing
and I miss drawing.
And I just miss it.
And so, I've just been trying
to dedicate time to drawing.
Just getting back into drawing.
- I think you should start selling prints.
Your drawings are so cute and fun.
- They're so good.
- I just don't feel confident enough yet.
I feel like I'm really good at sketching
and I'm really good at
conceptual little doodles.
But I just can't complete an idea.
- You need to believe in yourself more.
- If I may--
- I just need to do it more.
- For a second, can I may?
- I would love some of your drawings.
- Well, thank you, man.
- Can I may for a second?
Yes you may.
- Can I take a second to may?
- Yes you may I.
Yes you may I, yes.
- If I may?
Steve your drawings are wonderful.
And I would--
- Well, thank you.
- And I would contend that
there is life in them.
Like, a lot a people can draw
and a lot a people can do little sketches.
But I see spirit in
every single one of yours
when they hit the paper.
- Well, thank you, man.
- And I think you could
offer those up to people,
just be like: What's your name
and what do you want me
to put in your drawing?
And then you do your
interpretation of it, bam.
- I kinda wanna do like a--
- And that's gonna be a
new tier on our Patreon.
- I wanna do like a little,
like, mini comic or something.
Like, something that I could
just put on my Instagram
and it's like four panels.
And it's just like weird
conscious, stream of consciousness
little--
- I love that.
- Comics.
I keep tryin' to think
of what the hook is.
'Cause you know there's those invaders,
those like alien comics that are out there
where there's the real
simplistic alien dudes
say like really funny shut?
I was really inspired by that.
And it's certainly not the first thing,
it's not the first artist to do that.
There's tons of those little
four panel comics everywhere.
But I really wanna do one.
But if I do one it needs to be something
that's like unique enough,
that has like kind of a hook
that makes me feel--
- Well, you're, you're--
- Satisfied.
- I think your brain alone
would provide the hook.
- Yeah, you're the hook, man.
- I guess so.
I'm just having trouble
figuring out what it is.
- I don't accept that as an excuse.
And I want to see more of them, selfishly.
- Yeah and so, instead of like reading,
like, I wanna be reading, I
have like a couple a books
in my backlog that I wanna read.
But right now I'm more focused on,
maybe that's my New Year's
resolution that I won't complete.
- More art?
- Just to keep drawing more.
Just to get back into drawing
and get really good at it again.
- What if you're thing
became a sketch a day.
You know how people force
themselves to do things?
But you do it publicly.
You say, today's the day I'm gonna do it.
This year I'm gonna tweet a sketch a day.
And it doesn't have to be over the top.
- It's hard to keep to that.
And I would feel like I
was letting people down
if I didn't have a chance to do it.
I guess I just don't
like being bogged down
by something that's like, fuck,
I'm being held accountable.
I like to be able to kinda just
have that creative freedom.
But I mean, that might be the reason
why I don't fuckin' do anything
because I don't have some kind of--
- You took five minutes yesterday
and just while we were talking
doodled on a Post-it note,
that would be one of your sketches.
- Yeah, I guess it's just like
being held to some kind of,
like, you know what I mean?
I don't know, being
accountable for something
is really difficult for me when
it comes to artistic stuff.
- You wanna be inspired, you
don't wanna have to like sit
and force--
- Yeah, I don't wanna
force it.
- Sometimes a deadline is
what inspires you though
because I know there's a lot of things
in my life I haven't done.
And I think the reason is
is 'cause I haven't had a deadline.
I've got another, I
wanna do my poetry book,
haven't got that done yet.
I have, ooh, let's just talk about
little side projects we wanna do.
Outside a my poetry book--
- Couple a SPs.
- Yeah, SPs, our SPs.
- Let's talk about our SPs.
- You guys wanna talk
about some SPs?
- I do.
- I want to do another poetry book
but it's a horror poetry book.
It's not comedy, it's a horror poetry--
- Horetry.
- Horetry.
- Horetry
- Horetry
book in the vain of Scary
Stories We Tell in the Dark.
I wanna get my friend John,
who does the sculptures.
I want him, I wanna write these poems
and they'll just be, you
know, very Shel Silverstein.
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
- His type of book--
- Where the Sidewalk Ends
- Where the Sidewalk
Ends, those type of poems
and have him do the art.
So, it's horror and I write
the poems and then he'll,
I'd just be like, whatever
you're drawing is, do it.
And if he's got a stack of
drawings that he's like:
I have nothin' to do with these.
I could take those drawings
and be inspired what he did.
I just wanna make a horror
poetry book and see how it does.
- Cool.
- I love that.
- It's time, it's no deadlines,
it's you don't wanna,
I want it to be a work of passion
but I also want it to be a
work of, I'm gettin' paid.
- You just get up an
hour earlier every day.
- (laughs) Yeah, let's do that.
- I'm writing or co-writing a film.
And we just went through
the deadline process
of going, I'm writing this
scene through this scene.
- You guys are holding
each other accountable.
- It was also my, like, I was, like,
if this is supposed to get done,
it's gonna be a deadline for me
'cause I'm not gonna be
able just to sit and write
if I don't have someone going,
you have this page to do
and I need you to write this
so that I can write the next thing.
But yeah, I'm excited.
We're doin' like a Edgar
Wright style version of a--
- Edgar Wright Allen Poe.
- Mm hm, Edgar Wright Allen Poe.
- Edgar Wright Allen Poe
Dameron from Star Wars.
(guys laughing)
- Edgar Wright Poe Dameron Burgundy.
- Oh.
Edgar Wright Poe Dameron
Burgundy Dee Snyder.
- Yes (laughs)!
- Nice!
(guys laughing)
- What about, release the Dee Snyder cut?
Is that a good tweet?
- That's a meme.
- That's a meme?
- That's a meme right there.
- Release the Dee Snyder cut.
- Yeah (laughs).
- And in 2020--
- But it's Superman
and everybody with long,
rocker hair (laughs).
- Yeah.
I just picture him screaming.
He's always like screaming,
his mouth's always,
why's he so aggressive, Dee Snyder?
- It always looks like he's about to
take a bit out of a
tree, like a Looney Tune.
- I'm terrified of him.
Him and the American or
who's the American Warrior
or who's that wrestler
that kinda looks like him?
- The American--
- Is it the American Warrior?
Is that his name?
- The American Warrior did
the scream thing, for sure.
- And he kinda looked, they look the same,
like same length of
weird '80s hair and shit.
- I think we're sayin' it right.
- Has Dee Snyder and the American Warrior
ever been in the same room together?
That's my question.
- Yeah.
Yeah.
- It's a question
for Mike Falzone.
- They have.
- I'm gonna ask him that
tomorrow on Dynamic Banter.
- Those two, inseparable.
- I think so.
Well, I think they are the same.
- Is it the Ultimate Warrior?
- (laughs) Oh, maybe that's what it is,
the Ultimate Warrior.
(Joe laughing)
We're the worst.
- Well, we don't watch it, so.
- Everyone assumes that
I'm a wrestling fan
'cause I have all the
characteristics of one.
- Yeah, Ultimate Warrior.
- Everyone assumes that I'm
a, I hated being assumed--
- And it's definitely him (laughs).
- Right?
The Ultimate Warrior.
I'm gonna tweet that out right now.
Has the Ultimate Warrior and Dee Snyder
ever been in the same room together?
- Have you guys--
- I think it's like a profile.
- Oh, I was doing it, one of
my fingers would a met yours
and probably making that
audio unintelligible
when you guys were talking about Watchmen.
But have you guys watched the episodes
of Rick and Morty that have come out?
- No.
- Yeah, I have been watching them.
- One and two?
- I've seen all of them so far.
I think there's four.
- There's just two.
Is there four?
- Maybe there's three.
It's either three or four.
- I've seen the first two, then.
The ending of the toilet episode
I can't get out of my head.
- What was the toilet episode?
- He's got his own planet
where he poops by himself.
- Oh, yeah!
- The ending of that
episode rips my heart apart.
And I can't stop thinking--
- Like, in a funny way?
- The idea is funny but the
execution is so bittersweet
and sad (laughs), it just sticks with you.
- There are geniuses that walk among us.
- They're really trying to like
do that whole huge ending thing
where it's like the
ending is big and crazy
and like, oh, shit, like, makes you--
- I guess on that one.
Not on the first episode of this season
but the second episode, for sure.
- No, but I feel like that's
something that they go for.
Like they're trying to go
for the shocking endings,
you know?
Like, I feel like that's kind
of the Rick and Morty thing.
- Makes sense though.
- Yeah, I like it though.
The season's okay.
I haven't had the really good episode yet.
I like it.
- I loved episode two,
I thought it was great.
- I like the show.
- As we close out on this,
do you guys have any gifts
that you're excited to give your family
that you can talk about
that this will come out by the time
they've already received it?
- My wife listens to
absolutely nothing that I make.
- Oh, okay.
- But--
- This won't come out 'til
Wednesday, which is Christmas.
- I teamed up with Mr. Aaron Massey
the guy who did our cool
sign behind me right now
as well as some other
things for our office.
Please watch him, Mr. Fix
It, he does amazing things.
- Oh, yeah, he's so great.
- Legitimately talented human being
that actually is the most
manly guy we know, for sure.
- Yeah.
- But also the most kindhearted
and hardest working.
- He's like Tim
the Toolman Taylor.
- As if you can't be
all those things.
- Yeah, I don't know that
manly is the right word.
He's definitely the most capable.
- Capable is the best word.
- He's like a more subdued, less cokey
Tim the Toolman Taylor.
- Yeah, manly became a synonym for capable
back in the day when I was a kid.
And that stuck in my brain
and that's why it came out.
Now, that's not, those are not synonyms.
- Just tools.
- I guess it's manly in
the sense that it's like,
it seems like a masculine thing
to completely lean into
tools and woodworking
and all those things.
- It's a massey-lin thing.
- It's a massey-l-l-l-in thing.
- Anyways, he does these
cool word carvings.
He's been making signs for families
like if there's something that you wanted.
So, I'm getting her a
personalized wood carving sign
that says: The Beretas and it's in the--
- That's really sweet.
- It's in the forest.
And we're all represented
by different animals on it.
So, I'm a moose, Heather's
a panda, Haden's a fox.
- Pandas aren't in forests.
- They're in this forest, Elliott.
They're in the Bereta forest.
- Yeah, Merry Christmas.
- Yeah, we're gonna
talk about this afterwards.
- Why don't you come
frolic for a couple days.
- Yeah, I've never seen
a panda in a forest.
- Anyways.
- Yeah, we're gonna have to have a talk.
- It's lost.
The Panda's lost.
- I have a zoology degree.
- Look!
- If that panda's in the
forest it's gonna die.
- It's gonna die.
- If this panda were a Dreamworks movie,
it was in a plane, it
was being transported
from China to some zoo,
it fell out, it survived.
It became a family with these
other critters in the forest.
That's where we're at on this sign, okay?
- Okay.
- Yeah.
- She's a panda.
My daughter's favorite animals a fox.
She's a fox, I'm a moose.
Moose is my--
- What are the gun laws like
in this imaginary world?
- Good God.
(pounding)
(Steve laughing)
Sorry, Heather.
(pounding)
- Fuckin' moose is my
favorite one, bear is one, A
moose is one, B.
I chose moose so there
weren't two bear silhouettes
on the damn thing.
Son's a raccoon.
You're a raccoon, Jackson!
- Raccoon's good, raccoon's
a forest creature.
- So, there we go, it's
really fuckin' cute (laughs).
- I love it, it's adorable.
- That's super sweet, Joe
and also very thoughtful
and sounds like it's gonna
be high quality and unique.
- I'm very excited, it makes
me feel like I did something.
- Unique in the sense that pandas
don't belong in the forest.
- I'm getting my brother and sister--
(Steve laughing)
- Happy 100 motherfuckers.
(guys laughing)
- He's right there.
- My son's probably so scared right now.
- Joe left his son in the--
- I really wanna get
Alana a subscription to--
- Porn.
- Like Australian Vogue
or like Italian Vogue.
- That's smart.
- So that she gets that in the mail.
She really likes those fashion, like,
she likes international fashion magazines
'cause she likes to like cut them out
and make these like vision board things.
It's really artistic and adorable
and lovely and I love it.
And it's a wonderful thing.
She'll just like sit in the living room
and she'll just like cut out these things.
And then she'll cut out really funny ones
and throw 'em at me.
- Very pleasant.
- It's a fun experience.
- This makes me wonder
if this is a service
but if it's not it'd be kind of cool.
Like, imagine if you
could order a subscription
to magazines from the past.
- Ooh.
- Like, imagine like, oh,
I want the 1957 monthly
subscription to whatever
magazine and like--
- What a great idea.
- They could just make them now.
- Yeah.
What if we called it Pastime Magazine.
- Jesus Christ, that's brilliant.
- Yeah.
- It's brilliant.
- $5.99 a month or 59.99 for a whole year.
- That sounds like a future
spuz for us, you guys.
- I feel like the only
way you could do that
cost effectively would be
to like make it digital.
- Maybe, I mean, they do them anyways.
- I wouldn't want it digital, though.
- But I'm saying cost effectively
'cause if you were trying to recreate,
let's say you're using
Time Magazine, for example
you would have to go through
like the archives of Time Magazine
and print out like--
- Format them.
- There's people much smarter than us
and there's capitalists
that are much better
at this idea than we would be.
- That brings us full circle
into spending money to make money
because if you did that route
you would not have enough
customer acquisition
to be able to justify your cost at all.
- Right, like, how many
people would want that?
- You would have to
invest in a paper thing
otherwise the gimmick is gone.
- It'd just be really
cool if you could get her
like a fashion magazine from
back in the day like that.
How cool would that be?
- I mean, I think that'd be super cool.
- Very cool.
- Yeah, I think that's cool.
I like that.
Joe, I like that.
- And you, yourself.
- I got a bidet for my
brother and sister-in-law.
- That's nice.
- I'm very excited.
- I got my family a bidet
and they were like: Nah.
- I got my, yeah.
(Joe laughing)
- I'll see what they do.
It's definitely one of
those where if they go, nah,
I'm gonna go, you're wrong but okay.
- Yeah, yeah.
- And then my parents,
me and my brother went in
and we're doin' Beach
Boys tickets for them.
- Ooh, nice.
- Oh, baby, baby.
- In February, that'll be cool.
- Nice.
- And I'm surprising Grace
with Harry Stiles tickets
for late next year.
- Dude, all of those One Direction boys
all went off on their own one directions
and they're all good.
- More like several directions.
- Dude, Harry Stiles is
far and away so good.
- They're all good.
Ooh, here's a hot take.
- He's a league above and
the others are fantastic.
- Okay, that's great.
- I think they're all great.
- I'll give you that.
- But Harry Stiles is.
- Harry Stiles did SNL this year.
And you know watching him on it,
watching his timing, watching his smile,
watching his comedy.
- He's okay.
- No, he's not okay.
He's this generation's
Justin Timberlake on SNL.
- Really?
- Yes, I a hundred percent believe it.
And I think he's going to prove it
the next few times that he's on it.
- He's unbelievable.
- I think his look is
not mainstream enough
to be Justin Timberlake.
- Well, his look is literally androgynous.
Like, he is so weird.
- That's what I'm saying.
- But I think he's doing, like,
a David Bowie style of fashion.
- Which is great but Timberlake works
because he's like this chiseled like
just kind of like not tattooed,
not fashion, like weird
kind of like clean cut.
- But if Timberlake
wasn't funny,
if he wasn't funny, if he wasn't musical,
he'd just be a good looking dude.
He works on SNL because he's funny,
he's got timing, he's charismatic.
That's what Harry Stiles has too.
And anybody that has that can do it.
- He's a star.
- Yeah, he's a star.
- I don't fully disagree with you.
But I feel like the one thing that kind of
didn't grab me about Harry Stiles
was the fact that he just, he kept his,
he couldn't change his look.
Whenever he did a sketch
and played a character
it was like, that's Harry Stiles, 100%.
He's got those tattoos and
the weird plugs in his hair
or whatever the hell.
He has like these weird, I
guess weird's the wrong way
'cause I do think his look is really cool.
But he just couldn't hide his look.
- I am super pro
Timberlake, you know that.
And I would have to say
the same thing for him.
- But like Timberlake puts a wig on
and you're like, that's
obviously Justin Timberlake.
But it was like, it was like Harry Stiles
couldn't be bothered to take off his like
weird like neon bracelets
to be like a dad.
You know what I mean?
I feel like that's the
shortcoming of Harry Stiles
as like a chameleon-esque.
- He's a baby.
- Musician/performer.
- It's the first time he's doin' it.
- I think you're missing out on a lot a
the good of Harry Stiles.
- No, I like him.
I just don't, I don't love
him as much as Joe does.
- Joe doesn't love him
as much as I do though.
- Then I definitely don't
love him as much as you do.
- Fuck you and fuck you
for different reasons.
(guys laughing)
- Fuck you for a reason
that you don't know yet.
- Have you listened to his new album?
- Not the whole thing but
every time I hear his music
I'm like, you're good, man.
- Bonkers good.
He's good, he's a genius.
A young genius.
- And they're all good.
They're all different
but they're all good.
- Like I hate it--
- You're watching him
grow into something that
he'll be what he's going to become.
But he's in the process now,
it's very cool.
- What are they 22, 23?
- I have no idea.
Maybe older than that.
- Like I personally can't stand
it when I see my own tattoo
when I'm playing a character, you know?
'Cause it's like, oh,
well, that's, that's,
that just kills the--
- Did you think about that--
- The character.
- When you got the tattoo?
- The one on your arm and
the one on your other arm?
- No, I mean, I'm just like
not good at hiding it I guess.
I don't care about that,
like, I like the tattoos.
I just think it's, I don't
like it when like Dave and Ross
you can see my Dr. Zaius tattoo.
You know what I mean?
- Well, let's invest in the stuff
that make have be there no more.
- A tattoo kit based on Mount Regis--
- I was taught laser removal.
- Oh.
- Ooh, that's very extreme.
- Maybe we start with the makeup.
- Okay.
- Guys, listen.
- Thanks so much.
- Can we just say, I
wanna say Merry Christmas,
I wanna say Happy Holidays,
I wanna say Happy New Year,
I wanna say happy everything to you.
(Elliott laughing)
Whether you believe in
all the dumb traditions
or the good ones,
we wanna say with the warmest regard
that we hope you have a wonderful,
wonderful whatever it is.
- And Happy Valleycast Centennial.
- Happy Valleycast
Centennial, a hundred episodes
of us jabbering on about God knows what.
- I just realized we're
doin' Christmas on the 29th
with my family.
I hope they don't get the--
- You're doin', oh, they
don't listen to your stuff.
- I think my mom listens to a fair amount.
- Really?
- Yeah, which is terrifying.
- Well, tell her not
to listen to this one.
- I just feel bad for her.
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
- Tell her it's like--
- Sorry, mom.
- Tell her it's like
problematic racist stuff.
She doesn't wanna hear that.
- Okay.
- Anyway, thank you guys
so much for listening.
- Sometimes it is.
(guys laughing)
- Anything we wanna say?
Come to our tour if you,
that's a good Christmas gift,
tickets to our tour.
We're goin' to Spokane and--
- If you're a patron right now.
- Places like that.
San Francisco SketchFest.
- Yeah, if you're a patron right now.
- Somewhere in Denver.
- Tacoma, Spokane, Denver, Salt Lake City
and San Francisco.
- Some kind a Washington.
- That's not the order, the order is:
San Francisco, Denver, Salt
Lake, Spokane and Tacoma.
- All throughout the week.
- Great last minute Christmas gift idea
to get your loved one or a friend
or someone that you know
likes comedy and weird shit.
The tour's gonna be really fun.
We've been really diggin'
in to what we're doing.
And I think it's gonna be really great.
We kinda, we locked down our set list.
And now we're just kind
of fine tuning things.
And I think it's gonna
be really fun and cool.
And very special to those
of you that like to see
some of our characters and such.
- Yeah, it's gonna be us.
It's gonna be a little
bit of a cluster fuck.
But it's gonna be the
best of a cluster fuck.
- Also, for those of you that are like:
Oh, I don't know if we're
gonna do Santa Steve.
Christmas is almost over
and it doesn't look like
they're doin' Santa Steve.
Well, guess what fuckers?
We are doing Santa Steve.
- It might have already come out
by the time you're hearin' this podcast
- Oh, shit, is that true?
- Maybe.
Depends on who's listening
to it, if you're a patron
or a non-patron.
- I guess that's true.
Well, anyway, Santa Steve is back.
- Bam!
- I confirm it.
In some capacity, it's
gonna be a little different.
- Doin' a little different this year.
- Somethin's different about it.
And it's artistically stimulating for me.
So, please respect that.
- Speaking of the holiday
season, if you are a patron
Elliott, you know the specific tier
but we have our holiday gift available.
If you're at that tier,
just gotta go find the post
and sign up, it's our sparkly--
- Super VIP and up.
- Glittery,
Super VIP.
- 30 bucks and up.
- It's a VVVIP, a very,
very, very important person.
- The coolest frickin' enamel pin.
It's Santa Steve, it's glitter.
It's sparkly, it's really pretty.
And you get it for free.
So, thank you guys for--
- And we hope you've
enjoyed this (guitar music)
video that just came
out because it's insane.
Bye everybody.
- Bye everybody, we think you're great.
Merry Christmas.
(upbeat uplifting music)
(laughs) Santa, Santa's
in the parking lot.
I'll sneak into your car and
I'll hide something in there.
Maybe it'll be a Christmas goose, mmm.
