[shopping mall ambience]
Hello, young man!
Would you like to hear about the
wonders of modern capitalism?
You look stupid.
What are you doing here
by yourself?
My mom is shopping in OKEA and
she told me to wait here.
This is a perfect opportunity
for you to expand your educati-
My mom said not to talk to strangers.
No one should be a stranger to the
workings of the
M O D E R N  W O R L D
[modernity ensues]
I don't fucking care.
You should!
Thanks to the magic of
F R E E  E N T E R P R I S E
you are living the way you are.
Poor and overdue on rent by five months?
Let's try something else.
Come with me.
I'm not going anywhere.
C O M E  W I T H  M E
Y O U  L I T T L E  F U C K I N G  S H I T
[grounds for a lawsuit]
You see these two stores?
I can't feel my legs.
[lifts off ground with a business-like manner]
Here we have two food establishments.
What do you notice about one of them?
One of them is more pretentious.
Not pretentious.
Innovative!
[absorbs innovation]
One of them has a gigantic line,
and that line is only going to get bigger,
because people associate longer lines
with better food
when the two restaurants
are actually no different!
It's the power of branding!
[crowd realizes they are in a RobotUnderscore video]
[crowd attempts to escape the video]
[cashier realizes his minimum-wage job is screwed]
EY FUCK YOU MANG
[thrown hat unfazes business matters]
What is your point?
I'm just making sure you know
the wonderful ways of America.
Why do you love America?
I can torrent No Man's Sky
and not feel bad about it.
...Okay.
It's your duty as a fine American citizen
to serve your country,
and what better way to do that
than to shop at my store
so YOU can keep the economy going!
That was the saddest excuse
of a sales pitch
I have ever seen.
Stupid kid.
Got his wallet.
my name jeff
Wait.
What?
[rich internet culture fills your eardrums and floods your eyes]
