

### WRITER'S BLOCK

By

Airis O. Thomas

Copyright © 2018 Airis O. Thomas

All rights reserved.

Distributed by Smashwords

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Ebook formatting by www.ebooklaunch.com

Contents

1- Introduction

2- Where It All Began

3- The Box, The Crew & School

4- From Class To Class

5- Preparing To Be Sneaky

6- Anthony's Party

7- Morning Bust

8- Tasha

9- Dad's House

10- The Piercing Plan

11- More Trouble

12- Just Another Day

13- Sat Pressure

14- College Prep Uncertainty

15- Summertime

16- Party Hopping

17- Breaking Point

18- Changing For The Better?

19- Beauty Salon Bonanza

20- First Day Of Senior Year

21- Phone Call Home

22- Its A Date

23- The Basketball Game

24- A Busted Groove

25- One Step Backward

26- Moving Along

27- Jumping To Death

28- Aftermath

29- The Candlelight

30- Day Before The Funeral

31- Then There Were Five

32- High School Graduation

33- Bowie State University

34- Sonic Trip

35- Misunderstanding

36- Are You Down?

37- Taking A Stand

38- Five Minus One

39- Senior Year Of College

40- Finding My Niche

41- What About Your Friends?

42- Tiffany

43- Secretive Jessica

44- Good News

45- Tiffany's Transition

46- Shanice In Trouble

47- Behind The Bitterness

48- Mormon Temple

49- Jessica's Baby Shower

50- The Award

51- College Graduate

52- One Last Meet

About Airis

Acknowledgements

### INTRODUCTION

As I walk across the stage to accept my award, I feel slightly overwhelmed. Today I'm the recipient of the Lyndon R. Johnson Literary Award due in part to my story which I've been writing since I was a young teenager. Dr. Wilson, my professor at Bowie State University was so impressed with my manuscript that he entered my story in a literary contest.

By the grace of God, I won the contest or at least my writing won the contest I should say. Even while I was out being a typical know-it-all teenager, I managed to find time to write down my journey even if it seemed like I didn't. Trust me, everything was duly noted. Each day I wrote something that took place but I wouldn't call it a diary. I don't know, I guess I'd call it my daily chronicles.

I didn't write all that "dear diary" non-sense and I wrote in so many narrative styles. Every day I'd take my pen to my five-star notebook and practice my writing skills until each word I wrote became powerful. But my writing has a more significant reason behind its strength...it was true. None of it was exaggerated or made up.

I've always used writing as a form of an escape, hell really a prayer in some ways. I would pray that my writing would take me places I never imagined but who would've thought I'd get an award for doing it? Although I never expected to reach this point, I made it... I'm here. I mean I never saw my life this way but I figured if I wrote down my journey, one day it could save me.

I mean if I looked back at the terrible things I did... usually to myself, and the things I've experienced, I'd do anything to avoid going back to running myself down the path of destruction. In fact, I don't believe this was supposed to be my dream to live out but don't get me wrong 'cause I wanted this. I just feel that there was someone closer to me who wanted it much more; I was too busy getting into slight trouble to stay focused.

However, I'm honestly living this dream for my friend who didn't want to believe that I could escape the neighborhood life. I'm living this dream for the friend who believed I wasn't cut out for the life I was living. I'm living this dream for the friend who believed in me when nobody else would and most importantly, I'm living this dream for my best friend who couldn't live to achieve it herself.

By the end of this story, you'll know my journey and notice a slight change in my vocabulary maybe. My success would never exist without the tough love from those closest to me. I'm very fortunate not lucky but I guess I'd have to be if God allowed me to stay here to share my story with the world.

My family, my friends, even random people in the audience are clapping in shock of my excellence but even with all the success I've been getting, I'm still too modest. I was put on this Earth to write my story, any story, all stories and any award I earn from doing so is due to desire not dependence.

I could write for free without the money or notoriety and still I would continue to write; the passion comes first, recognition comes second. If only they knew that this happiness in which my story ends with is the result of pushing through and holding on despite tragedy. I guess you can say it's almost like a Shakespearean play despite all that extra tragedy he wrote; I'm definitely not about that lifestyle.

The story which you're about to read is basically a memoir of my memories; I mean I didn't include everything but I gave you just enough to avoid boring you completely. If only this were a movie then you'd really understand. However I don't mean to brag or anything but my writing is strong enough to almost make you believe that you were right there watching everything unfold for yourself so I guess you can call it a movie on paper. My story begins in 2008, my junior year of high school. Well, actually it began in 1992. Oh never mind. You get my point. How about I just let y'all hear my story for yourself.

# 2

### WHERE IT ALL BEGAN

My neighborhood, the Goodacre Knolls community in Silver Spring, Maryland; a suburban city located just outside of Washington, D.C. I live at 6882 Bradford Road, across the street from The Bradford Condominiums and Top of the Park townhouses right off of Piney Branch Road in a single family house. This is where my story begins; right here in this neighborhood.

Well, it actually started on Greenwood Avenue in Takoma Park when my parents first bought a house together but once that didn't work out, we ended up moving constantly throughout Silver Spring. Currently, this is the most content home for us since we lived on Greenwood Avenue; we've been here since I started my eighth grade year at Eastern Middle School.

My mom and dad make up to break up; they're the weirdest married couple I've ever seen. They act like teenagers who move in together one minute then the next minute one of them gets mad at the other and moves out into another place just to eventually get back together weeks later. Don't make sense how grown folks continue to act childish even beyond their young years. My dad is still on Greenwood Avenue and comes back whenever they make up.

It's like he keeps that place as a safe house. I don't know how he manages to pay the rent on that place and our current house. Their situation is too much for me to understand and my siblings don't try to get it either. I have one older brother, a younger brother and two younger sisters; I'm the second oldest child.

I put on my earrings and head to the kitchen for breakfast. As I walk into the kitchen, I spot my oldest brother Marcus grabbing a box of cereal from off the top of the refrigerator; he's eighteen and thinks he's my father when dude isn't around. I call him, _"tough guy,"_ because he personally believes he's the muscle of the family, hell he thinks he's the muscle of the neighborhood.

Of course, Marcus decided to scream out to my mom louder than an alarm clock about whether we have any milk. "Mom, do we have any milk?"

My mom comes shooting into the kitchen to figure out why he is so loud. "Boy, why are you so loud?"

"I'm not trying to be loud," he said putting the cereal box onto the table.

"Well, you are! Now what do you want?"

Marcus repeated his question. "Do we have any milk?"

"I don't know; did you check the fridge?"

"Yeah!"

"Well, did you see any milk?"

"Nah."

"That means we have none then!"

Just then, my younger sister Shannon entered the kitchen and took the opportunity to bother him further for asking an obvious question. "Wow, what a waste of a question. Why ask something you clearly know the answer to?"

Marcus became instantly annoyed as he usually is with Shannon. "Shut up!"

"Make me shut up!"

"My pleasure!"

Shannon began to race around the table as Marcus tried to make a quick dash after her. I grabbed a seat at the table quickly before the two of them end up running into me. My mother began to yell at them; no surprise there.

"Hey! Stop y'all! Marcus go to the store and get the damn milk please?"

"Why I got to go get it?"

Shannon had to throw her two cents in again. "'Cause you're the one looking for it you moron!"

"You know what-"

My mother began to yell again; I really wish they would stop! It's too early in the morning for this woman to be yelling like seriously. "Hey! Didn't I just say stop it? Just go boy..."

"Fine!"

Marcus grabs his jacket and heads out the door but not before bucking at Shannon. The fireball she is, she bucks back. My mom gives them both the look and they know she means business.

Shannon is twelve-years-old and also the loose cannon of the family. Shannon is a seventh grader headed for the eighth grade. I can't count how many times my mom has to get on her for something. She's not a trouble maker but she's definitely not a punk. She refuses to back down and it ultimately gets her in trouble too often.

Tatiana enters the kitchen rubbing her eyes. "Good morning!"

"Good morning baby!" my mother says smiling hard at Tatiana.

We all greet Tatiana good morning. She smiles and climbs into the chair next to me. We call Tatiana _"Tati"_ ; she's the baby and the heart of our family. She's eight years old and always smiling. When we're acting ugly, she comes in the room and makes us change quickly. I mean, if you see this little girl's beautiful brown eyes, you would stop actin' ugly too. Of course, Amir comes racing into the kitchen like he's missing out on a steak dinner.

"Boy, why are you running through my house?" she says wiping her hands on a dish rag.

"No reason ma'," he said as he sat down to tie his sneakers.

"Amir, did you finish all your homework?"

"Yes, ma'am."

"Let me see it."

"Come on ma'-"

"Come on ma nothing! I want to see it because I'll be damned if I get another phone call from your teacher saying you didn't turn in some assignment. Get it now!"

"Ugh fine."

Amir...my fourteen-year-old brother who is starting to take a profound interest in girls; so much that he's been putting his homework on the back burner so he can chase them around. I knew my mom was going to bust him on his homework after two of his teachers called yesterday to tell her he hasn't completed his assignments.

Getting a phone call home is an instant punishment around here. I don't care how slight the reason is behind the phone call. Hell, I've gotten into trouble when my teacher called my mother last year to tell her I was putting makeup on at my friend's desk. However, I was at my own desk and I was only checking to see if my eye shadow was still on because I don't usually wear makeup. I had rubbed my eye and saw glitter on my hand so I took my mirror from out of my purse to check it. Before my teacher could even say anything, I put the mirror away.

Now I explained this entire story to my mother but was she trying to hear it? _Hell no!_ Instead, I got threatened with the, _"You better be glad I was on my lunch break and couldn't get up to your school 'cause I would've whooped you,"_ blah, blah, blah. In this house when we get a phone call home, the teacher wins and we lose. That's why it's good to keep a somewhat fairly low profile in school.

Amir is an eighth grader who will be going to the ninth grade come this August; he and Shannon both go to Eastern Middle. Amir gets his binder and brings it into the kitchen. He hands my mom a few papers and she scans them.

"Okay good. Here you go," she says handing the papers back to him.

Amir puts his homework back in the binder and goes to put it in his backpack. Right as Amir went to put his binder away, Marcus comes back running with the gallon of milk so we can eat breakfast before the bus comes. My mom was surprised at how fast he went to the store to get the milk. I don't know why though; she knows that boy is greedy!

"Damn boy, you sure made it to 7-Eleven and back really quick," she said giggling.

"That's the, _"I'm hungry and I need to crush this Cap'n Crunch before the bus comes,"_ mode."

Marcus grabs the cereal and pours it into his bowl. Tatiana gives everyone else a bowl and spoon. My mom admired Tati's kindness.

"Aww that's so sweet baby."

"It's the least I can do mommy, especially since they all have to leave before me."

Tati goes to New Hampshire Estates Elementary School and leaves for school after we're all gone.

"Don't hog all the cereal Marcus!" Shannon shouts at him.

"Ha, I should cough on it so you can't get none!"

I know my mother is extremely tired of yelling at them and the day has just begun.

"Boy, if you cough on that cereal, you're going to catch a beat down. Hurry up and pass the cereal around!" she says in a firm tone.

Once Marcus pours his cereal into the bowl, he passes it around so that everybody can pour the cereal into their bowls. My mother grabbed the milk when we were done with it, placed it in the fridge and rushed us to eat.

"Marcus and Ebony, y'all better hurry and eat 'cause you got less than fifteen minutes before the bus comes."

"A'ight," says Marcus as he stuffs his faces with cereal and picks up the bowl towards his face.

I laugh at his greediness and reply to my mother. "Okay," I said in between bites.

We hurry and finish our cereal then get up to place our bowls in the sink before going to get our stuff for school.

"I got to go put on some lip gloss before I leave," I say as I head towards my bedroom.

My mom rolls her eyes and gives me this lecture about coming straight home from school. "Yeah right and you better get home on time Ebony! I'm not playing with you!"

" _Yeah, yeah, yeah okay. Get home when I feel like it."_

Now I thought I was whispering when I made that comment but I must not have whispered low enough because my mother heard every word.

"What did you say?"

"Nothing ma'!"

"Don't get smart! You're always doing something you got no business doing! I swear your setting a bad example for your sisters. Go get your backpack!"

I roll my eyes and close my bedroom door while my mother is still screaming. She must be still sour about her argument with dad last night. I can hear it all in her voice from the first time she checked Marcus this morning to just now when she got on me. I really wish her and daddy would get it together already. Whatever. I can't worry about it. I mean I know I was wrong to get smart but still.

Most of the time, I feel like I'm living an alter ego type of lifestyle. One minute I want to run through the neighborhood experimenting and getting into everything I have no business being involved in then the next minute I'm finding my notebook trying to be the best journalist in the world.

It's like I want to be bad but I want be good; I want to be down but then I want to go to college and become the greatest writer. It's so easy to allow yourself to be conflicted and caught up with the dangers of the fast life. I just wish I could lead myself out of this dilemma. I wish I could lose my enthusiasm over getting into trouble.

I grabbed my backpack and headed for school but not without saying bye to everyone. "Bye y'all!"

"Bye Ebbie," says Shannon zipping up her backpack.

Amir gulped down his Sunny Delight and said bye. "See you sis."

"Bye Ebbie!" said Tati smiling hard and waving at me.

I kiss Tati and Shannon on the forehead just to turn around to see my mom looking at me with her not playing face.

"You heard what I said, right?"

"Yes, mother," I said somewhat annoyed.

"Alright, don't let me catch you running the neighborhood with your friends when you're supposed to be in the house."

"I get it!"

"Excuse me?"

"I mean, I understand," taking the bass my mother probably heard out of my voice.

"I know the problem is will you listen?"

"Yes, mommy!"

"Good, stay out of trouble and have a good day at school."

"Thanks, you have a good day at work."

"Thank you, I will. Get on out of here." She kisses my forehead and I return the kiss.

"Bye ma'!" said Marcus leaving out the front door before me.

"Bye son! See y'all later!"

I then walk towards the front door to get to the bus stop. Once the screen door closed behind me, I walked off to meet up with my friends at our spot.

# 3

### THE BOX, THE CREW & SCHOOL

I head towards my friends who were waiting for me at our usual spot...the electric box. You know the green electric box that every neighborhood has that you really have no business sitting on? Well that was our meet up spot. It was almost like a magnet; one of us could be sitting on the box and without informing anybody that we're there, another one of us would magically pop up at random. Before you know it, we'd all be at the spot. It seems like the box had this significance that brought all six of us together; whether we were mad, sad, happy or indifferent. Of course, I was the last one to get to the box. I can never be on time.

"Hey y'all!" I said loudly.

"Ebbie boo!" Shanice replied.

All of my friends have abbreviations that we call each other all the time; Jessica is _"Jessie"_ , Tasha is _"Tash'"_ , Shanice is _"Niecy"_ , Tiffany is _"Tiff"_ , Jinel is _"Nellie"_ , and I'm called _"Ebbie or Ebz'."_ However, I think we find ourselves using Shanice's nickname the most sometimes. Now I know you're like, " _Really? Ebbie though?_ " but you can't really create many abbreviations with my name so I got to do what I can do with it.

Jessica smiled as she greeted me. "Hey _chica_!"

"Hey Jessie!" I said hugging her.

Of course _Miss. Hater_ , I mean Jinel had to start off the morning with a smart remark. " _Miss. Wannabe Bad_ , did you take a break from writing? Where's your notebook?"

"It's in my book bag smartass!" I said as I rolled my eyes at her.

Tasha shook her head at Jinel's early morning non-sense all though this happens too often so it's really no surprise. "Don't pay her no mind best friend; she just mad 'cause she ain't a good writer at all like us."

"Exactly Tash'; born a hater."

"Girl bye! I don't wanna' be some boring, has no life, dull ass writer such as yourselves," says Jinel as she tries to save face.

However, Tiffany rains on her entire parade. "I bet, probably 'cause you can't write. Hell...barely can read with your illiterate ass."

We all fall out laughing at Tiffany's comment but of course, Jinel wasn't. She replies to our laughter sarcastically. "Ha-ha, very funny! Let's roll."

Jinel grabs her backpack and stands up as we prepare to leave for the bus stop. As you can already tell, Jinel was the biggest hater in the group. She was one of those, " _Rather see you fail than succeed,_ " type of females. If I were smoking a joint, she'd be cheering me on like I'm winning for doing so.

She can be the fight power of the crew at times although Tiffany consistently jokes around saying that she's all talk. However, I've seen Jinel fight a couple of times and I must say her fist punching has gotten her message across every time. She might annoy us but she doesn't sit right allowing someone else to bother us.

Hell, she didn't use to always be like this though; I don't know what happened. I love her but sometimes her negativity irritates me deeply. Do something negative, bet she'll be your biggest cheerleader! Anyways, we walk to the bus stop where my bigheaded brother is already waiting there with his crew.

"Look, it's the Bradford Posse!" he says slapping his friends five.

"Shut up Marcus! I swear you're so corny!" I say shaking my head and cutting my eyes.

"Whatever!"

Marcus and his friends start laughing. Including me, it was six of us and I mean we did always get into some shit together so I guess we were somewhat of a posse.

"Anyways, did y'all do Mrs. Richards homework?" Shanice asked slightly still giggling at my brother's stupidity.

"You know it!" Tasha said smirking at Shanice.

Jessica looked at us in complete shock. "She gave homework?"

"Yeah girl! See," I said as I pulled the assignment out from my notebook.

Tasha laughed at how surprised Jessica really is about not remembering to do the homework assignment.

"I have her fourth period though," Jessica exclaims.

Tasha however bursts her bubble. "You know that don't matter; she gives the same assignments to all her classes."

"Damn, we constantly slipping Jessie," Shanice says turning to Jessica.

"Guess I'm going to do it in first period."

"As usual!" said Tiffany laughing.

Jessica giggled. "Whatever at least I'm putting an effort!"

"But it's called homework not schoolwork," says Tasha.

"Well either way you look at it; it's still work so it shouldn't matter where it's being completed at," says Jessica twirling her hair around.

"This is true," says Tiffany.

I shook my head in relief. "Thank God I have her sixth period!"

"Lucky! You have all the time in the world to complete it!" Jessica whined.

"I know! How could y'all forget? It wasn't even that hard!" I said giggling as I put the assignment back in my binder.

Leave it up to Jinel to attempt to try me again. "Well, we know it wasn't hard for you seeing how you a scholar and all."

"Better to be a scholar than an illiterate, don't you think?" I said just as calm as ever.

We all start laughing but hey, that's how you have to deal with Jinel. She has slight good moments and many bad. The key is to not let her bother you 'cause that fuels her up.

The school bus creeps up to the bus stop and we all get onto the bus. We all walk to the back of the bus and grab a seat. Tasha sits beside me on the inside Shanice sits beside Jinel and Tiffany sits beside Jessica.

"We still going around Anthony's place after school?" Tiffany asks as she finishes her Cheetos.

"Hell yeah girl," says Jinel matter-of-factly.

I wasn't hip so of course I wanted to know what was going down after school. Now I know what y'all are thinking; my mom told me to come straight home so why even concern myself with what my girls are getting into?

"What's going down at Anthony's place?"

"Nothing good I'll bet," replied Tasha without even looking up from her notebook.

"Anthony's throwing some kick back at his place," replied Tiffany.

"All those fine _chicos guapos_ will be there!"

Jessica and her Spanish was everything. She usually would throw some in between things she'd say in English. I absolutely loved to hear her speaking Spanish.

"And a whole lot of weed, alcohol, and trouble as usual," Tasha says.

But of course, Jessica was down for the weed, alcohol, and trouble. "I know girl, so exciting!"

Tasha shakes her head and cracks a slight smile at Jessica's craziness. Nevertheless, I'm feeling up for that kind of craziness.

"That sounds like the move!" I said smiling.

"Slow down home girl! I'm pretty sure your mama wants you home right after school!"

"Jinel please, I can do what I want."

"Okay, if you insist but you better be down."

"I'm always down what you mean?"

"Okay Ebony. Bet! We'll see."

The bus pulls up in front of the school. Everyone gets off the bus and walks inside the building. Here we are, the place I belong to five days a week; Montgomery Blair High School. When I really feel like paying attention, I honestly do learn a lot.

Can't complain, I love my school. Sometimes it's just not my top priority when it should be. We walk towards our lockers while discussing what we're going to eat for lunch today.

"What's the move for lunch y'all?" Tiffany asks as she throws away her empty bag of Cheetos.

"I say Chipotle," says Tasha.

Once she said Chipotle, I just knew Jessie was going to agree in Spanish. She absolutely loves Chipotle and loves to let us know that she loves it in Spanish. It pays to have friends of different ethnicities; Jessica's Salvadorian, Tiffany is Dominican, Jinel is Jamaican, and Shanice's mother is an Afro-Brazilian which I guess makes her Brazilian too.

As far as Tasha and I are concerned, we're Black. I mean my dad is Jamaican and my mom is just Black. Tasha has some Trinidadian in her too I think but I don't know; whatever else her and I might be has yet to be determined. My friends and I are all different shades and honestly I love that we do not all look the same.

We're not the, " _Light-skinned crew, the dark-skinned crew, etc._ " Like my brother says, we're the, " _Bradford Posse,_ " and just like Montgomery County, we're a little taste of everything, almost.

"¡Oh infierno, sí chica! ¡Estoy de acuerdo!"

"Girl, you got to teach me some Spanish!" said Shanice.

"I got you _chica_!" Jessie said laughing at her.

"You need to teach Tiffany some too!" added Jinel.

"Shut-up!" Tiffany says bucking at her. "I know enough Spanish besides you're Jamaican yet I don't see you speaking any Patois!"

"Okay, Jessica's Salvadorian and what are you?" she asked playing dumb.

"I'm Dominican dumbass!"

"And believe it or not there's a difference Jinel," says Jessica mockingly.

"Not much!"

"Jinel probably thinks El Salvador and Dominican Republic are the same country," says Tasha.

"Nah she probably thinks they're states with her dumbass!" added Tiffany.

"How did this become a debate of ethnicities?" I asked confusingly.

"That's what I'm saying! I just wanted to learn some Spanish, shoot!" said Shanice.

We have so many debates over nothing; I guess it's how we function. Besides I think Jinel just wants to hear herself talk 'cause she knows Jessica speaks in Spanish way more than Tiffany does but that doesn't mean Tiffany doesn't know any. Once Jinel was tired of embarrassing herself, she dropped it and moved back to the topic we were having about lunch.

"Whatever so Chipotle's the move. Meet y'all at the usual spot after fourth period," Jinel said as she headed for her first period class.

"A'ight bet," I said as I grabbed my notebook, binder, and books out from my locker.

Jessica and Tiffany said bye as they headed for their classes but of course, Jessie had to say it in Spanish. " _Suena bien para mí_. Bye _chicas_!"

"Later y'all!"

We grab our things that we need for our four classes before lunch. Tasha and I also grabbed our writing notebooks. We usually always write during class. Our pens do the listening while our teachers do all the talking however the listening comes from the thoughts in our mind, not the actual classwork. Shanice and Tasha said bye as they closed their lockers after they finished getting their stuff.

"Okay cool. Peace!"

"See you later!" added Tasha.

I'm actually shocked everybody agreed on Chipotle. Usually, we never want the same thing; our taste buds be on different levels. Shanice and Tasha waited for me to finish getting my stuff. I closed my locker and together we walked to our first period class.

# 4

### FROM CLASS TO CLASS

Shanice, Tasha, and I have first and second period together. Our first period was English with Mr. Wright. Once we get to class, we grab our usual seats in the back of the classroom.

Once the bell rings, Mr. Wright begins class. "Good morning class."

The class answered back less enthusiastic than Mr. Wright. "Good morning Mr. Wright."

"I guess you guys are tired. Well I hope you weren't too tired to do all the homework I assigned last night. So pass it up."

We take our assignments out of our binders and pass it up to the front so that Mr. Wright can collect them. Once he collects the assignments, he begins to instruct the class.

"Alright class. Today we're going to pick back up on our personal narratives. We're going to brainstorm ways to pick a topic that is relevant to your personal interests. So let's discuss."

As Mr. Wright is helping the class to get ideas on where to begin with our personal narratives, Tasha and I are way ahead of him. When he gave us this assignment yesterday, we dove right into it. Writing is our passion and he isn't explaining anything that we don't know when it comes to writing. We're on our second page already and half of the class can't even begin page one of their essay.

Shanice glances over at Tasha and me writing diligently. She instantly becomes amazed at how quick we've taken to the assignment. " _Damn!_ Y'all are too good! How do you do it?" she whispered.

"It's just a passion. I enjoy writing so this is cake to me."

"I have to agree with Tasha. If you're good at something, you'll put your all into it. Writing is my lifeline and I can't live without it. That same passion for writing we have is felt through our words, which makes it so natural."

"You know talking to you two is like watching, " _Freedom Writers,_ " or a documentary?" she said as we both giggle at her comment. "Can you guys help me with mine?"

"Of course Niecy!" I said smiling at her.

Tasha also agreed to help Shanice. "You know it especially seeing how you help us with math on the daily."

"Well you know. Math isn't my favorite subject but it's so easy."

I put down my pen and gave Shanice the craziest look. "Okay, I know you're trippin' now!"

"That's right! There is nothing easy about math unless you're doing basic addition, subtraction, multiplication, and division. They lost me when they started adding the alphabet into mathematical equations...like that's disrespectful. Either give me numbers or give me the alphabet but not both. They be doing too much!"

Tasha had us cracking up after that. However, she isn't lying. It should be a law against combining alphabets with numbers but I guess if we didn't have algebra, geometry, etc., we'd all be in trouble. Tasha and I stop writing our own assignments and start the process of helping Shanice.

"So, what are some of your interests?" Tasha asked as she pulled a blank sheet of paper out from her notebook to assist Shanice with the brainstorming process.

"Hmm-"

"And please, nothing illegal girl!" Tasha interjects before Shanice can say anything.

"Ha-ha okay, um...double dutch, shopping, and downtown chilling-"

"Okay, how about double dutch, since you're one of the best jumpers around."

Shanice looks at Tasha with that, " _Damn right,_ " look on her face. "You hip! I like that!"

"You could talk about how you do all these tricks in the rope and how you transform into a different person while you're jumping," I added on as Shanice sat there still thinking.

"Yes! I really like that approach. Thanks y'all!"

"Not a problem!"

"Anytime hun!" Tasha said.

We each turn back to our writing assignments and continue working on them. Tasha is writing about the culture she takes in whenever we're in downtown Silver Spring going to the movies or something. I'm writing about my flamboyant style of fashion. My sense of style is almost like a voice to me; it's as strong as my writing. My clothing almost tells a story and it has a personal impact on my life.

I was so deep into my assignment that I didn't realize class was over. The bell rang and everyone began to pack up but not without Mr. Wright delivering one last message.

"Okay class, we will pick up tomorrow where we left off but in the meantime, continue your writing for homework tonight. I know you two are almost done."

Mr. Wright makes that comment to Tasha and me as we leave the classroom. We smile at him and he smiles back because he really understands our passion for writing. I think that's why he hands out so many assignments that involve writing narratives.

However, it's time to go to my least favorite subject....Geometry. Well, it's me and Tasha's worst subject but Shanice is a wizard with numbers so she doesn't have a problem with it. Go figure. We go to geometry class and try to focus. Mrs. Andrews had math problems on the board she wanted us to copy and solve for credit.

"Alright ladies and gents, many of you have been struggling with the geometry assignments this week so I have put six problems on the board that I want you solve. Remember these problems will be collected at the end of class for credit so take each problem seriously! You are welcome to use your neighbors for help but please don't just copy someone's right answer 'cause I will be quizzing you on this so I will know! Get to it!"

Mrs. Andrews goes to sit down at her desk while everybody takes out a sheet of paper and begins to write the problems down. Usually when Mrs. Andrews assigns problems like this that aren't worth any credit, I don't do them. I mean I'll write them down and pretend to do them but I just end up writing stories in my journal instead.

I write made up stories as well as my own daily chronicles. Geometry just isn't my thing. Guess it's time to start taking it more seriously though 'cause I'm not trying to get in trouble for my grades.

Tasha and I look to Shanice for help and we solved each of the six problems assigned. There is only 25 minutes' left before class is over so we hand Mrs. Andrews our loose-leaf assignments and just chill the rest of the time.

"Hey Mrs. Andrews, do we have any homework?" asked Jared.

Kira and Jordan were ready to tear Jared up for asking that question. There's always that _one_ person who has to remind the teacher about homework.

"Really Jared?" said Kira cutting her eyes at him.

"Why would you ask that?" Jordan said angrily.

Jared quickly dismissed their angry comments. "Just chill, I'm onto something. Mrs. Andrews, seeing how we solved these problems, how about we get no homework tonight?"

Mrs. Andrews smirked at Jared and came up with an idea as she erased the problems she gave us off the board. "How about this; I will put three more problems on the board and if you guys can solve all three of the problems before class is over, you won't have any homework."

We all started cheering loudly.

"However, if you don't finish them, you'll have to finish them for homework."

Once she said that, we started cheering even louder. Mrs. Andrews was the best teacher. I hated math but I loved her as a teacher. She began to write the problems on the board quickly.

"Thank God 'cause I was getting ready to beat you up Jared," says Jordan in a sarcastic tone.

"Yeah right!" Jared responded laughing at Jordan.

Mrs. Andrews looked at us as if we were crazy. "What y'all waiting for? You have about twenty-two minutes, lets go! Be math free tonight!"

We all wrote the problems on our paper and began to solve them quickly. Funny how we all finished them three minutes before the bell rang. Now did we really understand what we did? I can't tell you that but hell we solved the problems like she asked.

She stood up to begin to collect our assignments. "If you're done, turn them in."

Everybody got up and handed their papers to Mrs. Andrews. She was amazed that we all finished our assignments in an ample amount of time.

"It's amazing what you guys will do to get out of doing homework, good job! Enjoy your night geometry free!"

The bell rang and we all scattered in happiness. I walked into the hallway with Shanice and Tasha. We waved bye and they headed for their next class. Tiffany and I have third and fourth period together.

She met me in the hallway. "Ready for this boring ass class?"

"Not really but I guess I have no choice," I said shaking my head.

"True that! Let's roll!"

Tiffany and I walked to our next class, which unfortunately for us was history; I didn't pay much attention. Ever! I swear it felt like history class repeats itself every year. The Boston Tea Party happened; I get it! The Civil War happened; I get it! Tell me something I don't know like Egyptian history, something!

Every class, I find myself tuning out Mr. Dunbar and just writing. Maybe that's why the time goes by so quickly. They say if you truly love something, time fails to exist. It's got to be true because the bell rings and it's time for fourth period; our next class is science which I hate so much although I like it a lot better than geometry!

After fourth period is our lunch period. Once the bell rings and class is over, Tiffany and I walk to our usual meet up spot to make this lunch move with our girls; the bleachers outside on the field. Montgomery County allows students to have open lunch which means we can go get food across the street rather than eat cafeteria lunches. Luckily, for us, Chipotle was right across the street.

"I'm getting my usual!" says Jinel.

"Eww I can't believe you like those beans?" I yell in disgust to Jinel.

"And I can't believe you don't! They bomb!"

"Yeah girl, you crazy! Why don't you like them?" asked Jessica.

"'Cause they're just dry even with all the stuff added."

"But you eat red beans and rice."

"Well maybe if Chipotle made red beans, I'd add them. Maybe. Besides, I'm not a fan of black or pinto beans. Yuck."

"We are going to have to get her hip Jessie!"

"I know right! We will Nellie!"

I began laughing. "Good luck trying!"

"Exactly, you know how stubborn Ebz' can be," says Shanice.

"I'm not that stubborn," I said bashfully.

They all looked at me as if they never met me before. "Girl!" said Tasha rolling her eyes and laughing.

"You trying to make me laugh before I eat," says Tiffany.

"Okay, so maybe I am a little stubborn."

"A little? Yeah right, okay."

"Okay Tasha! I am fully stubborn, happy. Anyways, let's hurry before lunch is over."

"Man I hope this place isn't packed 'cause I'm hungry!" says Tiffany rubbing her stomach.

We walk across the crosswalk to Woodmoor Shopping Center on Colesville Road. The Chipotle is right beside the CVS. The only problem is that the Chipotle is so small and the line be crazy around lunchtime especially 'cause half the student body is in there trying to cop a burrito or a bowl. We all start power-walking praying we can get in and get out.

As soon as we hit the door, we all sigh in relief 'cause there isn't a huge line, _yet_ so we rush inside before the line gathers. I was first in line and my order was easy especially for the fact that I always order the same thing; a chicken bowl with white rice, cheese, lettuce, and extra tomato salsa. The Chipotle worker asked what I wanted to order.

"Hi, welcome to Chipotle. How are you?"

"I'm good, how are you?"

"I'm good, thank you. What would you like?"

I pointed at the bowls. "I would like a bowl to go."

"White or brown rice?" she said grabbing a bowl and moving the spoon around in the rice.

"White."

"Beans?" she asked after placing the rice in my bowl.

"Noooo!" I said strongly as the Chipotle worker laughed at me.

"What kind of meat?"

"Chicken please. Thank you!"

"You're welcome!"

I moved down as the next Chipotle worker asked what else I wanted in my bowl.

"What else would you like?"

"Tomatoes please. Extra tomatoes."

"Okay."

"Cheese and lettuce."

"Okay, anything else?"

"Nope that's it. Thanks!'

"You're welcome," he says placing the top on my bowl.

I'm a sucker for manners if nothing else; my mother and grandmother never played that crap! They said there isn't nothing worse than a child with no manners so I always say "please" "thank you" etc.

I move down to the last worker and pay for my food. "Would you like chips or a drink?"

"No chips but a drink please."

"Okay, that'll be eight dollars and forty cents."

"Okay. Here you go."

I hand the cashier a ten-dollar bill and she hands me my change. "A dollar and sixty cents is your change, have a good day."

"Thank you. You too."

"Thank you."

I went and filled my soda cup up with my favorite soda. Sprite. Once I put the top on my soda, I walked back to wait for my friends. Tiffany was the last one to order. She got her cup, put soda in it, grabbed a fork, and we turned to leave. We're usually trapped inside of school for like what eight hours a day so why sit inside somewhere to eat.

We opted to eat at the bleachers especially since it was such a beautiful spring day. Hell, we had better enjoy this sunshine because it has been raining all week. We walk back to the bleachers with our bowls in one hand and our drinks in the other.

As we sit down and begin to eat, Tiffany informs us of the latest gossip around the hallway. "Did y'all hear Jabari Banks is officially single?"

"Quit playing!" Jinel says as she moves her fork around her bowl.

"I'm not!"

"Girl! Why did he leave Kia?" asked Shanice.

"'Cause she a hoe!" Tiffany says.

"I would've never guessed," I said.

Jessica took a sip of her soda and replied. "You weren't supposed to _mami_!"

"She was getting fresh with his, _"So called,"_ best friend."

"Wait a minute Tiff, you mean to tell me Kia was trying to get with Dondre?" Shanice said confused.

Jessica answered the question for Tiffany. "Sí _chica_! It started off in secret but she started getting bold and people started catching on. Heifer thought she was slick!"

"Clearly not slick enough," says Shanice.

"Was Dondre even feeling her like that?" I asked Tiffany as I took another bite of my food.

"Yes girl! They were hugging in the hallway yesterday."

"Doesn't sound much like a friend to me," says Tasha.

"Me either Tash'! What happened to the code?" I said.

"Who knows girl!" said Jessica.

Jinel chimes in on it explaining the difference between male best friends and female best friends. Yes, there is a difference between the sexes and they each handle things differently. A shame if you ask me.

"Besides, guys have a different code. They get mad for a few weeks then they stop caring and move onto the next female they see. Girls must've established that code 'cause girls be ready to fight their best friend's over violating the boyfriend code. Ain't no moving on-"

"Damn right! You shouldn't date your best friend's ex let alone girlfriend. Where they do that at?"

"Clearly at Blair Tash'," I added.

"Preach boo!" says Shanice twirling her hand back and forth.

Tiffany agrees with her. "Okay!"

Jessica licked her lips before taking another bite. "I'll tell you one thing though; baby is fine!"

"Really Jessie?" Shanice asks her shaking her head.

"Yes! You know he is don't even front!"

"Yes, he is!" I said agreeing with Jessica.

"See, Ebony knows how to acknowledge "fine" when she sees it!"

"Most definitely," I said slapping five with Jessica.

Tiffany cut her eyes. "He not worth getting in between friends though."

"Damn right. Nobody is ever that fine," Shanice says agreeing with Tiffany.

Funny how Jabari and his other friends not including Dondre walk pass us as we eat; he says hi to all of us. Man, why is that boy so fine?

"Hey ladies!"

"Hey Jabari!"

Jabari Banks was like us; a junior in high school. He was a focused individual and didn't really get into lots of trouble like most guys he hangs with. He was tall, about 6'0 and brown skin just like I like them; kept his haircut nice and always dressing good plus he's a point guard for Blair High School's basketball team.

Jabari keeps walking but not without taking a second glance to look back at me. I smile and look down blushing as he smiles and continues walking. My friends could sense I was feeling him a little bit. Damn I hope they can't tell.

"Okay! I see you Ebbie!" Shanice says to me in a taunting voice.

"He's alright," I said trying to brush it off.

My friends knew better though. I was ready to get grilled for that comment.

"Stop playing _chica_ ; you know you feelin' him!" says Jessica.

"And from the looks of it, he's feelin' you too!" Tiffany adds on.

Now enter Miss. Hater; Jinel always got something to say. However, I guess we'd be worried if she didn't. "Ebony isn't on his level."

"Oh please, hatred is ugly," says Shanice as she took a sip of her drink.

"Maybe she rather be with someone who has class instead of someone who has a lengthy criminal record such as yourself." Jessica said to her.

"Whatever, Ebony likes tough guys just like I do," Jinel clarifies.

Shanice sets her straight. "But you're attracted to thugs; Ebbie just falls for guys who are all wrong for her."

"Exactly!" Tasha agrees.

"I admit I'm guilty of being attracted to guys who are gorgeous and have a sharp tongue but I can't fade a thug ass dude. Too risky!"

"I know that's right!" Tasha says agreeing with me.

"Whatever, maybe thugs are more fun. Right Tasha?"

"You must've bumped your head asking Tasha that!" says Tiffany giggling.

"Exactly, speak for yourself. I'm not about that lifestyle. Never have and never will be!"

"Y'all can't handle thugs like me. It's cool," Jinel says shrugging it off as if it's okay.

Tiffany shakes her head as Shanice rubs her hands against her face. Jinel can take a person to a level of disbelief that you'd never imagine.

"You are so broken you're beyond repair," says Tiffany as she placed her empty soda cup inside of her empty Chipotle bowl.

"True that! Empty like our bowls! Besides, Jabari is a good guy. I think if he's interested, Ebony needs to pursue that! Leave these heartbreakers alone!"

"For real," Tasha says in agreement with Shanice.

Jessica still can't let up on how gorgeous Jabari is. "Especially 'cause that is one fine _papichulo_!"

"Jessie girl, you're a mess!"

"What Ebbie? Shoot, he is girl! You better get him!"

I took a final bite of my Chipotle and glanced back in his direction; he was still staring at me. "Yeah he is," I said still looking at Jabari in a secret trance.

We finished eating and talked for another three minutes. As we keep talking, I start daydreaming. Of course, Jabari is the main subject of my daydreams. I can honestly say I'm so confused when it comes to relationships. Thugs are too risky and getting caught up in that life was even easier than not dating at all.

I admit I run around the neighborhood getting into my own trouble but I'm not looking for _that_ kind of trouble. However, I did crush on a few bad boys; these bad boys didn't have criminal records though. They were more of the schoolhouse troublemakers but with my luck, they're now a heartbeat away from trading in their high school detention reputations for misdemeanor or felony prestige.

Bad boys are always a turn on but Jabari was way different. He actually wants to go somewhere in life. Many of the guys I find attractive have lost dreams or broken ambitions. Maybe I should begin to consider giving guys like him a chance to win me over. I'm not going to jump to conclusions though; just 'cause he smiling at me doesn't mean he's interested enough to make me his official girl.

The bell rings, which meant lunch was over and it was time for fifth period. We get up and walk off of the bleachers. Once we throw our trash away, we break off and head to class. Fifth period for me was TV Production or what I refer to as my favorite class. I learn so much about how the broadcasting industry works; I'm in charge of the scripts. Don't mean to brag but everybody in the class voted me to write the scripts, seeing how talented I am with my words.

I get through the rest of my classes smoothly; sixth and seventh period came by fast. Before I knew it, the final bell of the day rings and everybody takes off running out of the classroom. I walk out to my locker to find Shanice and Tasha getting their stuff.

"Y'all ready to bounce?" asked Shanice.

"You know it!" Tasha said as she closed her locker.

I was so ready to go home. "Let's go catch this bus," I said as I closed my locker.

Just like that, the school day was over for us but the adventures we were about to get into, or shall I say trouble, was only beginning.

# 5

### PREPARING TO BE SNEAKY

As the school day ended, Tasha, Shanice, and I walked outside to the front of the school where our bus was already waiting. We decided to hop on the bus. As we got on, the rest of the crew was already in the back motioning us to join them.

"Hey _chicas_!"

"Damn Jessie, y'all got on the bus mighty quick!" Shanice said as she made her way to the back of the bus where Tiffany, Jessica, and Jinel were sitting.

"Almost eight hours of school makes anybody want to run out of that place really quick!" said Tiffany.

"Yeah, you right," Shanice, agreed.

Once everybody got on the bus, our bus driver began to pull off.

"Can you believe we have another twelve weeks before summer vacation?" asked Tiffany.

"No but I'm so excited!" said Shanice.

"We're going to be seniors! I can't believe it!" I said excitedly.

"I'm so ready for college," said Tasha.

As usual, Jinel just has to go there with me. I'm going to hurt her one of these days I'm telling you! "Hey Miss. Journalist, you still down to make this move to Anthony's kickback?"

"Yeah, I told you I was down!"

"Ha okay."

"What time we going?" asked Tiffany.

Seeing how all the details of this so-called kicked back are within Jinel, we left it up to her to answer that question. "The kickback starts at six so we should meet up at the box as usual."

"Okay. How we getting there?" asked Tiffany.

I'm just trying to figure out why we aren't meeting at Anthony's house if it's supposed to be his kickback. "Wait I thought Anthony lived up the street?"

"Scared much?" says Jinel smirking at me.

"Um, no smartass I just thought he lived up the street!" I said to her as I rolled my eyes.

"Well, he does but he texted me during class and told me that he's throwing this kickback at his cousin's house in Wheaton instead."

"So again, how we getting there?" Tiffany asked again.

"Well, rather than take the train, I asked Anthony if he could scoop us."

Shanice put her hair up in a ponytail. "What did he say?" she asked.

"He said yeah girl."

"Okay cool. You down Tasha?" Shanice said as she looked in Tasha's direction.

"Yeah I'm down if Ebony's down."

I nodded with no hesitation. "I'm down best friend."

"Cool so don't flake."

"Nobody is going to flake! Chill out with that Jinel!"

"Alright then," she says grinning. "Meet me at the box at 5:30."

" _¡Perfecto!_ " says Jessica zipping up her backpack.

"I'll be there," adds Niecy.

Tiffany cosigned as she wiped off her sneakers. "Bet, bet, bet. I'll be there!"

"Okay," Tasha says closing her notebook.

"A'ight," I said as I pushed my hair back.

We continue talking until the bus pulls up in front of the bus stop in our neighborhood. We all get off; tell each other we'll meet up at the box and each go home.

Marcus starts hounding me as we make the trip home as usual. "So, rumor has it you meeting up with Jinel and the rest of your Bradford Road Posse."

"Maybe I am, maybe I'm not. Why do you care?"

"'Cause I'm your big brother!"

"You act like you've never gone and hung out or still do for that matter."

"I'm just looking out."

"Well here's a way you can look out," I said looking around before looking back in his eyes. "Don't tell mom where I'm going later."

Marcus shook his head. "I don't know sis-"

"As many times as I've never told on you-"

"Okay, okay!" he says cutting me off. "Your secret is safe with me."

"Thank you!"

"You're welcome but hey stay out of trouble."

"Okay," I giggled.

"I mean it Ebony!"

I sucked my teeth at his worry. "I heard you, I'll be fine! Besides Tasha rolling with me so, you have nothing to worry about. You just keep your mouth shut."

"Thank the Lord! Okay, fine!"

"Ha-ha, funny!"

"Please be careful though sis!"

"I promise!" I said as we did our handshake.

Marcus sighed in relief once he heard me say that Tasha was going to be with me. He knew that Tasha always made moves with me especially to look out for me and make sure I don't get in way over my head. She's like a guardian angel.

"Mama's not home?"

"Nah, doesn't seem like it. Her car gone so she probably still at work."

"Yeah true. How she going to go crazy about me getting in the house on time and she not even home?"

"I don't know, maybe its 'cause she's our mama and half her job is to be concerned where we're at," he said sarcastically.

"Well, she need to chillax 'cause I'm fine!"

"Oh yeah? How you figure that?"

"'Cause I know how to handle myself. I'll have you know not only does your baby sis have book smarts but she also packs tons of streets smarts."

Marcus laughed loudly. "Yeah I'm aware of the streets smarts occasionally; grades however, not so much."

"Whatever, math and science aren't my subjects. Your grades were shaky too what you mean?"

"Notice you said _were_ which means past tense. My grades are all together now."

"Getting a C is all together, huh?"

"Well, it's better than a D or failing!"

"Okay, so I got two D's on my progress report but that'll change before the end of the semester."

"I'd hope so or else mama's going to do more than yell at you."

"Just wait besides we got one more progress report distribution before summer break. By summer vacay, my report card will be straight!"

"Okay bet we'll see."

"Anyways, I'm about to do this homework right quick before I make this move."

"Well, you better hurry up and do it then before mama comes home and busts your move."

"You right. Let me hurry up!"

I walk into my bedroom and take out my books. Luckily, for me I already got a head start on my English assignment and Shanice showed me how to solve these math problems so I turned in my math to Mrs. Andrews already. Mr. Dunbar gave us only six questions to answer for history homework so it shouldn't take me long.

Once I finish the last question, I quickly take out my science homework, which was a worksheet about condensation. Thankfully, I didn't have any homework in my other courses so once my science worksheet is done, I'm free to go.

I look at the clock; the time is 3:30 PM. Soon Amir, Shannon, and Tatiana will be walking through the house. I finally finished answering my last science question and begin to put all my stuff back into my book bag.

Before I can head to my closet to pick out something better than I got on, I can hear my brother and sisters coming through the door. They get out at 3:00 but they usually wait for Tatiana to get off the bus; Tati's school lets out at 3:25 so by the time Amir and Shannon get off the bus, Tati isn't far behind. They probably also argue as they wait for her too. Ugh!

Before I knew it, Amir is taunting Shannon and she's yelling back at him defensively. "Shannon got a crush on Tevin!"

"Shut up Amir!"

"Tevin Campbell?" said Marcus joking around.

Shannon put her hands on hips and shook her head at him. "How did you make it to the twelfth grade? I can't believe you're about to graduate!"

"Ha-ha very funny besides I was only kidding. Why you so uptight?"

"I'm not being uptight!"

"Yes, you are!" Amir intrudes.

"No I'm not Amir! Shut up!"

I come into the living room smiling at them as I watch Shannon and Amir continue to argue back n' forth. "How long have they been going back n' forth Tati?"

"They've been doing this since I got off of the bus. They're driving me crazy!"

I laugh at Tati and help to take off her jacket. Meanwhile, Amir is still grilling Shannon about Tevin.

"You be daydreaming about him!"

"No I don't!"

"Oh yeah? You should've seen her when Tevin said hi to her. She was melting and blushing all crazy."

"Whatever Amir!"

"Amir, leave Shannon alone. She got a right to like a boy. Besides, you've been chasing girls around endlessly lately," I say trying to help her out.

"Right! At least my grades haven't been slipping mad hard Mr. Lover-boy!"

"First off, I didn't turn in three assignments. My grades aren't slipping that hard!"

Marcus cuts him off. "Boy they shouldn't be slipping at all!"

However, Amir knows Marcus isn't exactly a scholar his damn self. "Of all people to talk!"

"Whatever, I keep telling y'all my grades are better now."

"Okay Mr. C-."

"C+ boy! Get it right!"

Shannon cut her eyes at them. "That's something to be real proud of!"

"Just wait until you hit high school and that work load doubles."

"Right okay Marcus. I bet I'll be able to handle it!"

Amir jumped in for Marcus. "Bet you won't!"

"Again, I know you're not talking Mr. "I can't seem to finish my homework 'cause chasing girls is more important than having a brain!""

"I'm about to flame you all the way up girl!"

"Bring it!"

As Shannon and Amir continue, Tatiana shakes her head then taps me on my side. "Can I have a snack Ebbie before I start my homework?"

"Of course you can! Let's go check out the pantry."

Me and Tati head to the kitchen while they're still going back n' forth over Shannon liking some little boy. I really didn't think it was that serious but apparently, it must be. Then again, when it comes to Shannon and Amir, everything is that serious.

I opened the pantry and Tati stood there for a minute deciding on what to snack on. She finally decides on Chocolate chip cookies.

"I want chocolate chip cookies please Ebbie."

"Okay, chocolate chip cookies coming right up!"

I grabbed the package of chocolate chip cookies and placed them on the counter. I opened the drawer of plates and pulled one out. I also grabbed a cup out of the cabinet. I then place about five chocolate chip cookies on the plate and as a bonus; I pour Tati a glass of chocolate milk.

Tatiana stands beside me smiling as I pour her chocolate milk. Her innocence makes my heart melt for real. Tati truly has my heart; I love this little girl! Tati has a presence that makes you give in to her so easily but she's a genuine sweetheart so I'm not even mad. Once I'm done, I grab the cup and plate as I motion her to follow me into the living room. I set the plate and cup on the end table.

Tatiana sits down next to the table while I walk over to turn on the television. "What you want to watch Tati?"

"Nickelodeon please!"

"Okay, is Drake & Josh okay?"

"Yes! That's perfect; it's one of my favorite shows!'

"Okay great!"

"Thank you Ebbie!"

"You're welcome Tati."

I kissed her forehead and placed the remote control down on the table. As I walk away, I glance at Shannon and Amir still having a shouting match. I giggle slightly as Marcus flies past me to answer his phone. I'm pretty sure it's a girl the way he's running. I then walk back to my room and head to my closet. I opened my closet and began looking for a cute outfit for this kickback.

After five minutes of searching, I settle on my black leggings, my white, red, and black color block sweater as well as my red, white, and black swirl hat. I look under my bed and grabbed my red and white high top Reeboks. Next, I head to my jewelry box and pick out matching accessories.

It's a shame how much jewelry I actually own; I probably have more jewelry than clothes. I grabbed my red and black hoop earrings. As I put on my outfit, I added the finishing touch; my gold rope chain necklace.

I look back up at the clock; it's now 4:30 and my mother is pulling up. I was really hoping she would pull up after I left. I never even thought about how I was going to just slip out or even where to tell Marcus to tell my mom I was going.

"Hi mommy!" Tatiana says running to hug her.

"Hi princess! How was school today Tati?"

"It was good! How was work mommy?"

"It was good; thank you for asking my sweet princess."

"You're welcome!" she said sitting back down on the living room floor.

Of course, Amir and Shannon were still taking shots at each other. My mother was so over it and she wasn't even here to witness the whole thing. However, a mother knows their child so I'm pretty sure she knew Amir and Shannon have been going at it like this for almost an hour.

"They've been at it like this since I got off the school bus mommy," Tati says looking up at her just as annoyed.

"Amir, Shannon! Be quiet please!"

"But ma' he is teasing me over this boy!"

"And she is talking about my grades!"

"I don't care!" she says sternly. "First off, leave Shannon alone. She can crush, she just can't date."

"But mama!"

"But mama nothing! You're too young, save something for later."

"Ha-ha! See I knew you liked him seeing how you're mad that you can't date!"

Shannon bucked at Amir but my mom got to him before she could take a shot at him. "Shut up Amir. You just better be concerned about yourself and staying on top of your grades!"

"Man!"

"Man nothing! Watch your mouth! Don't get whooped today! Go do your homework, both of you right now!"

Once she told Amir and Shannon to do their homework, she started calling around for me probably to make sure I'm home like she said to be this morning. "Ebony!"

"Yeah?"

"Where are you?"

"In my room!"

As my brother and sister scatter, my mother enters my room and looks at me crazy as she sees me dressed up. "Where you going?"

"I was going to go around Tiffany's house with Tasha."

"Were you going to ask me first?"

"I was going to call you."

"Yeah right!"

"Come on ma', I finished all my homework! I won't be out too long."

"I don't believe you."

"I'm serious ma'!"

"My only problem with you is that you're never where you're supposed to be. You tell me you're going one place and end up going to another."

"Aw come on ma' please?"

"Okay fine. Stay out of trouble and stay in this area!"

"Alright, alright I will!"

"Okay."

I'm pretty sure my mom still didn't trust that I'd listen to her. I grab my cross body purse, say bye to everybody and head out the door before she can change her mind. "See you guys later! Bye Tati!"

"Bye Ebbie!"

"Later!" said Amir looking up from his homework.

"See you Ebbie," says Shannon.

"Keep your nose clean!"

"Yeah, yeah, yeah Marcus!"

My mother pointed at him and agreed. "What he said. See you later."

"Okay."

"And you bet not be lying to me!"

"I'm not ma'! I'll see you later!"

"Alright! Streetlights Ebony, streetlights! Don't let them come on and you're not home!"

"Streetlights....Got it!"

My mother always had one rule whenever we went outside; you're to be home when the streetlights come on. If any of us ever got bold enough to ignore the streetlights, she would come outside in her hair rollers and embarrass us in front of our friends. Trust me it has happened before! Knowing that I just lied to my mother so easily, I've already prepared myself for a possible embarrassment episode later. I close the front door and walk towards the box. Why is it so easy to lie to your parents and not feel wrong about doing so? Wish I knew.

As I'm walking, I can't help but watch kids running and playing double dutch. The neighborhood has a vibe that makes you just fall in love with the atmosphere even if you aren't from around here. I keep going up the street as I smile at the kids playing and having fun. I peep Tasha already outside with Tiffany waiting on the box.

"What's up, what's up!" Tiffany says hugging me.

"Hey boo! Hey, best friend!

"Hey love!" Tasha says giving me a hug too.

We stood there waiting as Jessica and Jinel were walking up to the box together.

"I see you were able to break away from ma' dukes," Jinel said looking at me.

"I told you I would!"

"I know but actions speak louder than words."

"Clearly but I'm here so what's up?" I asked refusing to back down. "Hey Jessie!"

"Hey _chica_!"

"Where is Shanice?" Jinel asked looking around the block to see if she could spot her.

Before we could even begin to look, I spot Shanice walking across the street. Shanice of course, had to stop and jump into the ropes being turned by the girls in the neighborhood. As I said, the girl is a double dutch fanatic! She can't walk pass someone turning the ropes and not jump in.

Jessica yells at her to hurry up. "Hurry up _chica_!"

"Yeah Shanice, come on!" adds Jinel.

She quickly jumps for a minute then jumps out without falling or causing the ropes to stop. Then she runs over to us and hugs us all. "Okay, okay! Don't hate 'cause I'm the best jumper!"

"Girl, nobody hatin'! We got moves to make!" Jinel said impatiently.

"What are we waiting for? Let's roll!" says Tiffany leading us to the sidewalk.

"Where Anthony want us to meet him?" asked Shanice.

"The Giant right up the street."

"Are you sure Jinel?"

"Yes Niecy I'm sure!"

"Bet."

We all begin to walk up the street. Anthony was going to meet us at the Giant grocery store on Arliss street right off of Flower Avenue. He's twenty-one and has his own car. Thankfully, we didn't have to wait. The second we walked through the parking lot, Anthony was already waiting for us.

Once he spots us, he smiles and gets out of his car. "What's good? What's good with y'all?"

We all replied to him at the same time. "Hey Ant!"

"What's up, what's up?" said Jinel.

"Your car looks different," says Tiffany walking around his car to figure out what makes it look different.

However, I noticed it easily. "He got new tires."

"Damn, you good ma'," he says smiling at me.

"I'm always on my P's and Q's," I said in a flirty tone of voice.

Jinel was in her feelings; I could tell. "Oh please! Whatever!"

Jinel just mad 'cause she has a crush on Anthony but she knows that him and I have a slight history together which meant he was off limits; hey the guys don't have to stand by the code but we do! Anthony is 6'1 and gorgeous. Now when I say gorgeous, I mean gorgeous!

His mother is Hispanic and his dad is Black however, that has nothing to do with anything. His eyes are the type you can get lost in and trust I've lost myself in them a few times naively enough. He keeps a fresh haircut now; he use to keep his hair in a ponytail either way he's still attractive or fatally attractive if you know what I mean.

Ant has taught me things I have no business knowing. He's always had love for me and has no problem in showing it. At first I wasn't sure if that love was solely from all the fooling around we did or not but then I realized that he shows me all this love because I never pushed for a relationship with him. I don't throw myself at him or nobody else; my attitude is always laid back and I look at the deeper picture harder than most.

I take everything with an, "It is what it is," kind of attitude. His lust was good but I hid the addiction. In return, he always had my back; he's the one who took me to his mans to get my second earhole pierced and paid for it. My motto is you can't get hurt if you show no love even if your heart is drowning in emotion.

Ant and I would never work out anyway; he is no good for me. He satisfies my sexual needs but lacks satisfaction in every other department that actually matters. I don't want to have to conceal my emotions for anyone to anyone.

"Y'all ready to roll?" he asks still staring at me.

"Hell yeah!" Shanice answers.

" _Si chico_! Come on Tasha; it's time for some fun!"

"Okay Jessie!"

Jessica said that 'cause she knew Tasha needed to have a little fun, take a break from writing, and relax. As you can tell, Tasha wasn't the biggest partier like we were; she was just along for the ride.

"Y'all climb on in the backseat."

"Bet!" says Jinel opening his car door.

"I call window!" yelled Tiffany.

Shanice gave her the funniest look like girl please! "Girl, if you don't get in this car!"

As I went to the back, Anthony softly grabbed my arm and bit his lip. "Nah, sit up front with me Ebz'."

"Okay."

"Ooh, he wants a piece of that cake, cake, cake," says Shanice laughing.

Tiffany chimes in on it too. "Ha-ha, he not slick!"

"Wipe the drool from his mouth!" yelled Tasha as she began cracking up.

"Ha-ha y'all funny!" I said laughing at their corniness.

"Ladies got jokes but it's cool. The leader always goes up front. Shoot Tasha can squeeze up here too."

"How sweet but no thanks," she said still laughing.

Jinel sucked her teeth at the whole thing. "Boy bye, how you figure either one of them is the leader?"

"You know why? 'Cause they both walk to their own beat."

"Bullshit! If you say so."

I'm going to end up jacking her ass up real soon. I can feel it! "Jinel I swear to-"

"Never mind her Ebz', let's roll y'all!" Jessica said before the tension could heat up worse I mean she knows how Jinel is; hell it's no secret.

We dropped it and got in the car. Anthony has a four door Toyota Camry. All five of them are about to pack themselves in the back. We use to piling up into somebody's car though. Hopefully Ant doesn't drive like a maniac and bring unnecessary attention to us; it's bad enough that I've lied about where I'm hanging out at and that I purposely know I'm going to go home late. I don't need to attract the attention of cops and add onto the trouble I know I'm going to get in later.

You know how in baseball you get three strikes. Well, if this is baseball, I'm pretty sure I've gotten more than three strikes and I'm permanently on the bench for the rest of the game.

# 6

### ANTHONY'S PARTY

Although this is supposed to be a kickback, it seems like a full-blown house party. The music is thumping and mostly everybody is dancing. Those who aren't dancing are either snacking, pouring more liquor and stuff into their cups, even lighting up a blunt or a cigarette.

Boys and girls against the wall talking; you know at all parties' guys try to spit game to girls and only the real naïve ones are falling for their charm. A slick girl like me though knows better but sometimes chooses not to only for fun though. After my song went off, I went to get a new cup and fill it up.

I stand on the wall and before I know it, some boy is trying to get with me; he said his name is Devin. As I take a sip of my drink and the boy keeps talking to me, I spot Anthony across the room looking envious of the whole conversation I'm having. I don't even roll my eyes; I begin smirking at his jealousy. I swear I confuse myself sometimes. I say that Anthony is no good for me but I get a kick out of watching him get jealous when other dudes try to go smack at me.

About ten minutes later, Ant must couldn't take it anymore because he started walking through the crowd over to where I was. "Hey playa, you mind if I have a word with her?"

"Oh this you?" Devin asked somewhat surprised.

"Yeah, you can say that."

"No, I'm single," I said with a smile trying to rain on Ant's parade.

"Said who?" asked Ant.

"Says me boy! Quit playin'!"

"Nah whatever, you playin'!"

"No!"

Devin was obviously confused as Ant and I went back n' forth. He eventually nods as he gets that Anthony is trying to get with me. "Nah, not at all. Handle your business player, player!"

"Good look!"

They dap each other up and Devin steps off to another girl. I smirk and roll my eyes at Ant. "I like when you make that face and roll your eyes at me," he says.

"Oh my God, what do you want Ant?"

"You know what I want."

"That's the problem...that's all you want!"

"That's not true!"

"Like hell it's not!"

"I want your mind too."

We both started to giggle. "Damn, you're so corny!" I shouted over the music.

He rubbed my chin. "But you adore my corniness."

"Not even!"

"Yes even!"

"Boy, whatever."

Anthony smirks and leans closer towards my neck. I move back quickly. Lesson one: never give in right away. It makes them want you more. "Why you moving away?"

"'Cause-"

"'Cause what?"

"I'm not interested in what you're trying to do."

"Why not? What I got is good!"

"Says who?"

"Says me!"

"Uh-uh! That's not enough!"

"Oh really?"

"Really!"

Ant made his move back towards my neck and began to kiss on me. I giggle as he keeps placing soft pecks on my neck. Before I knew it, his pecks turned into him using his tongue to deeply massage my neck. I expected that.

"Stop," I said giggling.

"Why? You know you like it."

"So what?"

"So, stop fighting it!"

Eventually the liquor starts settling inside of me and causes me to chill more so I stop fighting the advances Ant keeps making. However, this is the problem; I keep saying I'm not interested but give in anyway. If it wasn't for the house being packed, I bet Ant would've tried to sex me. Secretly I was yearning for it but I know how to utilize self-control. Besides, the more we wait, the better it'll be.

I spot Tasha getting cozy with some boy. Jinel, who always has to be the center of attention, was talking to a group of people passing around a blunt. Jessica and Tiffany are having a dancing competition. Of course, Shanice is getting more Pinnacle in her cup before joining Jessica and Tiffany in their dance competition.

Everybody is having fun; something I love to see. However, time flies so fast when you're having fun. I take out my phone to check the time; it's 10:15. I know the streetlights have been on for probably a good hour and a half.

Now I know I've lost my mind! It's a school night and I'm out partying. I'm dead when I get home! Maybe my mom fell asleep and won't notice how late I'll be. Whom am I kidding? My mom can't sleep correctly when anyone of us stays out especially pass curfew. Might as well turn up 'cause I know for damn sure that I'm grounded; two weeks tops! By 11:15, I knew it was time to call it a night.

Luckily, my girls felt the same way. "Hey y'all, I think it's time for us to roll out," Tiffany says first.

"I agree. That's enough for one night," Jessica says agreeing with Tiffany.

Jinel wasn't ready for us to call it quits though. "But Ant's party is just beginning!"

"Girl we're not twenty-one! Besides, we still have school in the morning!"

"I know Jessie but I don't want to leave!"

"Okay so stay here then! We need to roll out!" Shanice said loudly overtop of the loud music.

"Ebbie, ask Ant if he'll give us a ride home," Tasha asks me.

"Okay."

I turn to find Ant getting another drink. "Ant!" I say as I tapped him hard on the shoulder.

"What's up baby?"

"Can you take us home?"

"Home? Why y'all want to go home?"

"We got school in the morning!"

"Oh yeah, you right! Okay. Let's go!"

That must be nice to be at the age where you don't have to be concerned with getting up for school the next day. One day I'll know the feeling. We all walk outta' the party and climb into Ant's car. I hopped in the front seat before Anthony could motion for me to do so.

He backs up from the house and pulls off. "I hope you ladies enjoyed the kickback."

"Oh most definitely!" said Jinel.

"When you having another one?" asked Tasha.

"Well, you know I'm a party animal! Probably this upcoming weekend though. If I do, y'all should come through."

"Well, seeing how late I'm going to be getting home tonight, you can count me out 'cause I'm sure I'm grounded," I said exhaling deeply.

Shanice was feeling the same way. "Girl, we all in the same boat!"

"Not me!" said Jinel.

Jessica gave Jinel a blank stare. "Okay, whatever you say!"

"Damn, well if you do get punished, y'all will be missed."

"Good to know Ant," I said smiling at him.

"Yeah. I'll be waiting for you once the punishment is over."

"You loyal!" said Tiffany.

Shanice fell out laughing at Tiffany. "Ha-ha Tiff, you stupid!"

Anthony pulls up to our neighborhood and lets us out. We all jump out of the car but not without saying bye and giving each other hugs first.

"See y'all in the morning!" said Tiffany.

Shanice fixed her skirt before hugging us. "Peace out y'all!"

"Later!" said Jinel.

Jessica says bye, looked at her phone and shook her head; that's the, "I know I'm busted," headshake. " _Adios_ _chicas_!"

"Bye y'all! Bye best friend!" said Tasha.

"See you guys later. Love you best friend!" I said back to her.

"Love you more!"

"Impossible!" I said smiling harder.

Tasha smiles and then catches up to Shanice, Tiffany, Jinel, and Jessica who are darting towards their houses. I tried to follow in suit but of course, Ant wants a goodnight hug.

"Damn, can a brother get a hug for bringing y'all home?"

"My bad. Yes, you can."

I hug Anthony and as I step back, he moves in for a kiss. I decide to give him a kiss but somehow our tongues began taking the kiss a step further.

"Later baby."

"Ha-ha, later."

"Text me."

"Okay."

Ant bites his lips as he usually does whenever he's near me and gets back into his car. I can hear his car pull off as I try to open the front door slowly hoping that the door won't squeak loudly and bring attention to myself. I step inside and turn around to slowly close the door shut. I close my eyes as I close the door tightly.

I'm just thankful the alarm system isn't on or else I'd be busted. At least that's what I thought until I turned around and my mother cut on the lamp. DAMN.... Busted!

"Mama-"

"Streetlights are on! The Streetlights ARE ON!" she said damn near yelling.

I'll bet she woke the whole house up screaming like that however right now I shouldn't be concerned about nothing except this trouble I'm in.

"I know mama, I know!"

"Apparently, you don't know enough! Ebony I know you done lost your damn mind! It's damn near midnight...a school night! Your behind should be in the bed 'cause you got school in the morning! What the hell is your excuse for this and it better be good!"

"I lost track of the time and fell asleep at Tiffany's! We did too much studying!"

"That's it?"

"Yeah."

"No, that's the best you can do? I know you're full of it! You call yourself running around the neighborhood getting into shit you have no business being in! Where were you this time? A party? Hanging outside? Downtown? Where?"

"I told you I was at Tiffany's!"

"What have I told you about lying to me?"

"Ma'-"

"Ma' nothing! Fess up! Where you been? I'm not playing!"

"It was just a study kickback!"

"Ebony, who in the hell throws a study kickback party?"

"Tiffany does...it was just her, Tasha, Jessica, Jinel, Shanice, and I!"

"I was born at night but not last night! You're going to have to come up with something better than that!"

"Ma', I'm sorry! I won't do it again!"

"You damn right you won't 'cause you punished!" she shouts.

"What? Punished?"

"Damn right, punished! You'll find out what your punishment is in the morning!"

"Come on ma'-"

"Ebony, now would be a greater time than ever for you to go to bed, _now_! Go!"

I walk fast to my room as my mother says one last thing to me.

"Maybe while you're punished, you can learn how to start telling the truth!"

As much as I want to be upset that my mother is going to punish me, I really can't blame her. Well, at least the non-rebellious side of me can't; the rebel side of me doesn't see the harm I'm causing. I admit the split personalities that I try to maintain is beginning to get harder; it used to be easier but now that I understand the perils of consequences, I'm beginning to realize how much I'm losing a battle I shouldn't even be trying to fight to begin with.

It's hard to do mischievous things knowing that it's wrong. Why couldn't I be like people out here who are a heartless kind of rebellious? They just do wrong now and accept the consequences later when they're presented in their face leaving them with no way to escape, you know like Jinel. I keep taking advantage.

I text my girls to let them know I'm in trouble before my mama remembers I still have my phone and comes to take it as a term of my punishment. I already know she's going to take it just don't know when so I might as well prepare for it. I text Ant and tell him what's up.

Ant is determined that he is slick. However, he is not slick by any means. He may be cute yes but not cute enough to make me think he isn't about one thing; I know better I just chose to deal with him so whatever happens falls back on me.

Before I knew it, I heard my mom's footsteps. I hid my phone under my pillow so that she doesn't see it and take it from me. I start to slip on my pajamas and jump into my bed.

# 7

### MORNING BUST

The smell of eggs and bacon replaces the regular smell of my room. Mama must be giving us a break from the usual frozen Eggo waffles and cereal we eat every morning before school. I wake up extra tired with a slight headache.

I roll out of my bed and headed to the bathroom before my brothers and most definitely before Shannon. She be taking forever! I swear she's worse than me! Once I wash up and brush my teeth, I walk back to my room so I can grab my backpack as well as my notebook.

I can see Amir flying past me to the bathroom before Marcus. "Morning big head!" he says to me running.

"Your mama!" I yell back at him.

Of course, my mom heard it though. "I heard that!"

"Ha-ha!" he laughs.

"Shut up!" I said as I push his head towards the bathroom.

"I'm going to get you!"

"Yeah right, grow taller!"

I get in my room and grab my stuff. I put on my Mickey Mouse jacket and head for the kitchen table. I want to enjoy this breakfast but I know I'm in trouble so I'm eating at my own risk.

Of course, my mother was already there waiting for me with a piece of paper in her hand. Damn I hope that isn't my progress report! Shit, it is! As if I'm not in enough trouble as it is. Ugh, here it comes!

My mother never lectured us in private and I think she did that to set an example out of us so that the next person will think twice about trying it themselves. As I come to the table awaiting my early morning lecture, Amir pops up next to me at the table.

"Eggs and bacon? Today is going to be a good day! What's the occasion?" he asks.

"There is no occasion, just making an actual breakfast. It might make y'all work harder in school if you eat better," she said as she places the food in the middle of the table.

I knew that was a subliminal message towards Amir and me seeing how we're screwing up.

"Good morning Ebony."

"Morning ma'."

"Do you see what's in my hand?"

"Looks like some paper."

My mother's face turned into a frown. "This is not the time to try me right now! You're in enough trouble as it is!"

"My fault-"

"You right, it is _your_ fault! Care to explain why you have two D's on your progress report?"

"Oh come on ma'! Math and science are not my subjects!"

"Ebony, didn't I tell you to get help in these subjects? How do you expect to get into college with grades like this?"

" _I don't know, never considered college anyway,"_ I whispered.

"Excuse me?"

"What?"

"Don't _what_ me! Listen little girl; you're going to get your act together and do better in these classes hell all of your classes or else you're going have to deal with me do you understand?"

"Yes," I responded in a low voice.

"Yes, what?"

"Yes, ma'am!"

"Good and don't think you're getting off the hook that easy! You will be doing the dishes for the next two weeks and taking out the trash!"

"What? That's not fair! Come on ma', it's Marcus' job to take out the trash."

Actually, it was fair but nobody ever thinks they deserve to be punished even if they're wrong. "Not fair? Ebony I should whip your ass like my mama use to and I should take that phone away from you! You had better be lucky that's all you have to do as a punishment! Keep it up and the consequences will get worse trust me!"

"Ugh."

"Fix your attitude! Marcus will resume his trash duties after your punishment now eat your breakfast before the bus comes!"

I unfold my arms and grab a piece of toast off the plate in the middle of the table. Amir makes this face at me pretty much mocking me for getting into trouble. I shoot a look and buck at him.

My mom puts him on blast too. "Amir! You're punished too so I think it's best if you lay low! Don't make it worse!"

Amir stops instantly and eats his food but not without groaning about being punished too. "Why am I punished?"

"Do you not see this progress report on the counter with your name on it? Your grades look worse than Ebony's!"

"Ha!" I say to him giggling.

"Shut up!"

"Both of y'all stop!" She looked back at him. "You're grounded for three weeks!"

"Three weeks?"

"Want to make it four?"

"No ma'am."

"Didn't think so; a week for each D you got. You have let's see three D's which adds up to three weeks."

"Aw man!"

"Wait a minute; let me tell you what you've won! You've won three weeks of vacuuming the living room and washing everyone's clothes."

"Not fair!"

"Not fair? You and Ebony just don't get it do you? No! What's not fair is that I push you guys to use every resource available when you're struggling in school and yet you deliberately ignore it! You rather hang with your friends than to get help when you don't understand. There isn't anything worse than allowing yourself to be willingly ignorant. Do you two understand?"

"Yes, mommy," he said with his face leaning against his fist on the table.

"Yes, mom," I replied.

"Good and boy get your elbows off the table! Your grandfather would have a fit if he saw anyone's elbow on the table."

Amir quickly removes his elbows from off of the table. Marcus and Tatiana grab a seat at the table as my mother finishes her lecture.

"Sup' fam!" says Marcus moving his chair closer to the table.

My mom shot him a look. She's getting ready to check him for his grammar. She hates to hear us talking slang. "Sup'? Is that proper?"

"Nah...my fault ma'. Good morning family!"

"That's better! Good morning!"

"Good morning!" says Tati.

"Good morning mama," I say to Tati kissing her cheek.

"Good morning Tater Tots!" said Amir putting his hand up for a high five.

She slaps him a hard five and pulls her chair closer to the table. My mother kissed her forehead. "Morning princess! Shannon come eat before it gets cold!"

"I'm coming!" she shouts.

"That child," she mutters as she gives everyone a fork.

Shannon finally runs into the kitchen and sits down. "Morning!"

"Good morning," we all said to her as she reaches for the eggs.

My mom looked at Shannon's face and froze. "Are you wearing makeup?"

"Mommy, it's just a little eye shadow and some lipstick."

"Well, go take it off!"

"But mom!"

"But nothing Shannon! You're too young! Go take that crap off, now!"

"Fine."

"You better get it together, you aren't grown!" she shouts as Shannon stomps away to the bathroom to take her makeup off. "Pick up your feet!" my mother yells at her.

Stomping your feet is pretty much challenging my mother. You want a whoopin'? Stomp your feet! You're guaranteed a good one you'll never forget! She walks back to the table and continues eating. My mother pours Sunny D into our cups on the table.

"I don't want to see any more grades like that from any of you do you understand me?"

"Yes, mom!" I say in between bites of my breakfast.

"Alright now! Let me hear it; that goes for all of you!"

"Yes, mommy," says Tati wiping her mouth.

"Got it!" says Shannon still bummed.

"Yes, ma'am," Marcus says grabbing another piece of toast from the plate in the middle of the table.

"Got it Amir?" said my mother looking at him awaiting an answer.

"Yes, mommy!"

"Good, now finish eating before the bus comes. Summer break hasn't even started yet and y'all already setting me crazy!"

I finished my breakfast and gulped down my Sunny D. I then kissed my mother and said bye as I headed to the bus stop.

"Oh Ebony, I need you home no later than 2:45 so you can watch Amir, Shannon, and Tatiana 'cause Marcus has work-study after his classes let out."

"Ma' I can watch Shannon and Tati. I think I'm grown enough!" says Amir.

"Boy please! You can't even watch your bike!" says Shannon laughing at him.

"See I'm a-"

My mom cuts him off before he can fire one of his usual shots at Shannon. "Hey! Hey! Amir you are not babysitting but nice try. Ebony is watching y'all. You hear Ebony?"

"Yes, ma'am."

"Good. Now go on!"

"Okay."

"I love you!"

"Love you too!"

My mother smiled as Marcus and I walked towards the front door. I know I'm a knucklehead at times...hell all the time but I'm _her_ knucklehead. As I closed the front door, I could spot Shanice, Jessica, Tasha, Jinel, and Tiffany waiting for me as usual. Marcus went to meet his friends at the bus stop.

"So, did y'all get busted last night?" asked Shanice.

"Why is that even a question when you know the answer?" I ask Shanice keeping a straight face.

"No bullshit! Hell yeah," says Tasha.

"You already know," Jessica says fixing her hair.

Tiffany cut her eyes as she put her earrings on. "Most definitely."

Shanice told us the length of her punishment and I challenged it. "Grounded for a week!"

"Try two!"

"Damn, you and me both!" added Tiffany.

"Oh damn Tiff! Our mom's must be watching the same show called " _How Long to Punish Our Kids_.""

"Hell yeah!" She shook her head. "I hate not being able to get styling tips for two weeks."

"Nah, I was straight," says Jinel.

Tasha stopped and looked at Jinel 'cause she knew she was full of it. "Yeah right!"

"Just kidding! My mom was a little mad but she got over it."

"Lucky!" I said.

Shanice played with my hair and asked if my mom went postal. "Your mama flipped, huh?"

"Girl, you know my mother tripped out! If I would've gave her a stamp, she would've went postal!"

"Where did you tell her you were going anyway?" Tiffany asked me.

"I told her I was going to your house to study."

"Damn Ebz', you ruthless!" Jessica said laughing loudly.

"How is that ruthless?"

"Putting her on front street like that."

Shanice turned and looked at Jessica. "Oh please, I told my mama I was going to your house."

"You play too much!" Jessica said hitting Shanice's arm lightly.

"Ha-ha!" said Tasha laughing.

However, Tiffany wasn't laughing; she was blown! "Aw Ebz', you fucked up! Why you going to use me though?"

"Tiff, calm down! She isn't going to treat you any different."

"Yes, she is! She's going to think I'm suspect now!"

"Tiffany, my mother thinks all of our friends are suspect but she still got love for y'all."

"True. You should've used Jinel's simple ass."

"Ha-ha, you petty!"

"No bullshit! Accurate though," said Shanice agreeing with Tiffany.

Jinel wasn't happy with that idea of course. "Forget y'all!"

"I'm dead ass...that's up your alley! It fits your reputation 'cause you love to get folks in trouble!" said Tiffany.

"That's not even true!"

"Girl, stop! Yeah it is," added Tasha.

Jinel threw her hand up. "Anyways."

"Just admit you're a bad influence," Niecy says laughing.

"First off, I'm not a bad influence; I am the influence!" Jinel said flipping her hair.

"Girl, please!" said Jessica laughing.

I looked at Tiffany and smirked at her still being blown that I used her as my excuse to leave the house yesterday. "Next time, I'll keep that in mind."

"Thank you! Keep my house out your mouth! Just kidding!"

"Girl, you a mess!"

"Damn...you grounded though?" asked Tasha.

"Girl...you know I am! Plus, she got her hands on my progress report to make matters worse."

"Damn boo! That sucks majorly. Your luck is riding bad today," said Niecy.

"No bull! I was able to get mine before my mom did. It's under my mattress," says Tiffany giggling.

Tasha snickered at Tiffany. "Ha-ha you're a mess! I hate how they give you a progress report at school to take home yet still mail them to your house!"

"I know right! You can tell they don't trust us! ¡No es bueno!" said Jessica.

"Right, right!" Jinel added.

"Damn, well you think she'll let you slide out to my house later though?"

"Tash, I don't know girl. You know my mama is like a mood ring; one minute she feeling some type of way and the next minute, she's okay. Besides, I got to watch Tati, Amir, and Shannon 'cause Marcus will be at work."

"Well, I guess we'll have to do it another day hopefully sometime this week. I really hope she let up on you though boo because we got to finish our competition."

"Me too and I know. You not going to win this time!"

"Girl please! You not goin' to beat me!"

"Alright, just watch. I'm going to win one of these days!"

"Whatever you say but just know whenever that day is, you won't win!"

"Anyways. We'll see!"

"Okay!"

"I think that's cute how y'all have writing competitions," says Shanice.

"Yeah. You two together make a dynamic duo. I'll bet those competitions are lit," says Jessica nodding her head to an imaginary beat like she's hearing music playing.

"Right! I'm gonna' have to be the referee for the next competition you two have," says Tiffany.

"Most definitely! We need somebody to accurately announce the winner," I said looking to Tasha.

"Yeah, you mean me? Why thank you!"

"Girl bye!"

"Oh please! Y'all actin' like it's some damn basketball tournament. It's just some whack essay contest!" said Jinel cutting her eyes.

"Oh Nellie. When you going to stop being a hater?" asked Jessica.

"Probably when she gets a hobby," added Shanice.

"Shut up! Nobody hating! You over here hyping it all up and shit... relax!"

"Nah...she doesn't need to relax. You need to appreciate instead of hate Nellie! It's not going to get you nowhere," says Tiffany.

"I'm telling you, I'm not hating! I'm just saying."

"Okay just saying! What do you do besides get into trouble?" asked Tiffany.

"Shoot, I play basketball, fight for mines, and I shop."

Shanice interrupted her. "A five finger discount isn't shopping."

We all laugh while Jinel prepares her comeback. "I don't even know what you talking about!"

"Right...course you don't! Five finger discounters usually don't know."

"Whatever Niecy! Fight me!"

"Ha-ha! You don't want none!"

Shanice and Jinel start play fighting; well really throwing phony punches and gentle slaps while ducking at the same time before the other one tries to get a fake smack in on the other. We couldn't do nothing but laugh at them.

"Told you that you don't want none Nellie!"

"Girl you don't want none of this!"

"What you mean? Neither one of y'all was doing shit!" said Tiffany.

"Play fighting and what not," says Tasha.

Shanice laughed as she fixed her t-shirt. "Anyways!"

"Besides, I don't want to ruin our friendship by unleashing the legit punches and slaps," says Jinel in a cocky voice.

"Yeah right," said Jessica.

"Thank you Jessie! You can't ruin our friendship like that 'cause you can't fight. Try again!" said Shanice.

"Niecy these hands are registered!"

"Yeah at Build-a-Bear!" Tiffany blurted out.

We laughed so hard at Tiffany's comment; our laughter was echoing off the apartment complex. Hell, even the other kids at the bus stop were laughing too. I mean you got to admit, that was funny as hell though.

"Ha-ha! You not funny!" says Jinel defensively.

"I don't know; the crew seems to think otherwise."

"Whatever. Here comes the bus!"

The bus finally pulled up. We all walked towards the open bus door and each get on still giggling at what Tiffany said. "Build-a-Bear" though, ha-ha that was a good one!

# 8

### TASHA

The next day, I was able to slip away from my punishment to hang with Tasha at her house. As usual, we're having one of our routine writing competitions; Tasha and I always try to see who could write better in a specific amount of time. The topic could be about whatever and you win based on how deep your writing is.

It's not your usual competition. Tasha use to beat me a lot however, I did win a couple of times. She was a great writer who had so much passion that you could feel through every word she wrote. I was trying to be equally on her level.

"I win again!" she said loudly.

I sucked my teeth as I looked at the papers. "Says who?"

"Says me!"

"Oh hell nah! I think we do need to get Tiffany to be the referee!"

"Go ahead but I'll bet she'll tell you that I won this one!"

"Girl how?"

"Look at this sentence compared to yours, its structured better."

I look at my sentence compared to Tasha's and begin to erase it. "Damn you're right."

"You're a great writer best friend you just have to lay off of the Ebonics."

"The irony of how close Ebonics is to my name. Ebonics; the study of Ebony!"

"You so silly girl!" says Tasha moving over on the bed before she falls off.

"I know. I love how you described our neighborhood in such detail without bashing it. Why is it that a few of these urban book writers we read pick the worst neighborhood to tell their stories that honestly could happen anywhere in any neighborhood? Why can't they be different?"

"Thank you! I don't know; maybe it's a level of comfort or maybe it's just them giving us a journey through their eyes. Everyone has eyes but the vision we all see through the eyes we're given is different. Plus, the way I see it is this; I'm not here to defame the neighborhood, I'm here to tell a story."

I leaned my chin against my fist as I lowered my eyes at her. "You're not getting brownie points for that!"

"Ha-ha! Whatever but I will take a cookie!"

"Girl shut up! But nah for real, your piece was really good."

"Thanks best friend. Don't even front though 'cause yours was too!"

"Not as good as yours."

"Shut up! It was all that!"

I smiled as I nodded gently. "I guess it was, huh?"

"Yes, it was! Ebbie, stop belittling yourself! Your talent is as strong as mine is. As strong as we write, we can put our minds together and make endless money!"

"Aye, I like that idea!"

"Yes! We can open a production company one day and write tons of scripts."

"Yeah and we could name it "E&T Productions!""

"I like that!"

"Yeah! And we could go south like to Atlanta, or Miami, or Raleigh, or even Savannah!"

"Yes! You know I love heat and southern hospitality!"

"I'm hip! I love me some heat too best friend! Plus, the food is better too....Yes!"

"Damn right!"

We kept laughing and started writing some more thoughts on a paper. As we continued writing, Tasha's mom came into Tasha's room to check on us. "Hey ladies!"

"Hey mom!"

"Hey Mommy Yolie!"

"What are you two up to?" she asked leaning against the door pane.

"You know our usual," Tasha says holding up her notebook.

"Having our typical writing competitions," I added.

"Oh yeah? Who's winning?"

Tasha grew a huge smile. "You already know; me of course!"

"Not for long!" I said.

"Yeah okay, if you say so," Tasha says slightly beginning to crack up laughing.

"Well, I'll let you ladies finish your competition. I'm ordering pizza. Would you like to stay for dinner Ebony?"

"Yes ma'am."

"Alright. Pepperoni, right?"

Tasha and I looked at each other. "You already know!" we said together.

"Alright, coming right up! I'll let you know when it's here," she says walking out of the room.

Tasha adjusts herself on the bed. "Okay ma'!" She looked back at me. "Now, where were we?"

"We were just about to watch you cry as I win this next writing competition round!" I said to her.

"Oh in your dreams!"

"It's about to be reality!"

"Let's get it!"

Tasha nudged me and I giggled as we took our pens to the paper. "The topic this time is....the first day of school."

"Okay, cool with me!" I said as I tilted my paper to the side.

"It better be!" Tasha said cockily.

"Girl bye!"

We kept writing thoughts that hit our head until the pizza arrived. "Pizza's here girls!" yelled Ms. Davis.

"Okay, we're coming ma'!" Tasha shouted back.

"We'll resume this competition another day!" I said smirking.

"It's whenever just be ready to lose!"

"Not even!"

We walked into the kitchen to get pizza and ate it at the table. There was a question burning inside of me so I just came out with it 'cause I know Tasha won't run from the question.

"Tasha does Nellie irritate you?"

"Yes!" she said without a second thought. I just had to laugh at how Tasha didn't even hesitate. "Why you noticed?" she asked me pulling a pepperoni off her pizza slice.

"Yeah it's sort of obvious sometimes at least to me. I know why she irritates me but why you though? Out of everybody, she seems to really agitate you more than them."

"Ebbie, I love Jinel. She's our best friend but sometimes her animosity eats at my patience. Like she loves to eat at your weaknesses and torment you over your strengths. You and I are like extremely close and I don't like how she tries to make you feel like you're a terrible person for not wanting to just jump for trouble. It's one thing to make a move with friends and end up in trouble but she purposely tries to find things that will get you in automatic trouble for simply thinking about it. Besides the trouble she tries to get mainly you in will follow you forever. I just don't think a friend is supposed to do that to a friend. She's cool until she finds trouble and brings up that being down bullshit."

"Well, that's how she is and you know it."

"She wasn't as bad until you started showing a stronger love for writing that only I knew about then she started feeling some type of way."

"Wait a minute; you think she's jealous of me?"

She cut her eyes as she chewed her food. "You're not naïve; don't act like it! Yes but in a good way."

"Hold up; how can you be jealous of someone in a good way?"

"Ebbie, Jinel is really on your team; I do agree with Jessie on that. She's not jealous of what you have, she's jealous of where you're going."

"Wait where am I going?"

Tasha sucked her teeth. "Did you smoke before you came over here?"

"No!" I replied giggling.

"You know where you're going; out of here whether you want to believe it or not. You're way to talented to be stuck in the same place all of your life. Jinel is jealous because you found something you were good at. I remember when you both were trying to figure out what you were really good at even though your strength was under your nose but you were just too stubborn to see it. When you wrote that story in eighth grade and everybody passed it around, you realized even after I kept convincing you that you were talented; writing is your strength. Jinel was still struggling to find what she was good at but couldn't. When you found your strength, she found herself alone because everybody else had something that they were good at. Hell, you two were Bonnie and Clyde getting us all in trouble so when it turned out that it would just be her getting us into trouble, she became upset. She felt even more alone and you know shit has never been sweet for her. Jinel wants to go somewhere in life but she's scared that she won't 'cause she doesn't believe she's good at anything."

"Damn I forgot her and I were the root to the sneaking out, partying, and every other bad thing. Where's the silver lining in this though?"

"Ha the silver lining is that Jinel loves you and wants you to go far secretly but she'll never show you that. To sum it up, she's afraid that we're all going to leave her by herself. She feels like you aren't down for her anymore."

Tasha really has caught me off guard. I forgot how good she could read people. Back when we were younger, I use to ride shotgun with Jinel for all the trouble we got into until Tasha made me realize that trouble isn't in me and it never was. It was a shell I hid in to cover up what I really am because I was afraid to be accepted as a person who did good rather than bad. Being bad is the norm for kids my age; you're considered cool instead of stupid for doing rebellious things. Jinel and I got a kick out of it up until last summer when I slowly started changing. Jinel is stuck in the same shell but she's so attached to it that she can't get out of it.

"Damn I never realized this; she's stuck in the phony shell I was in."

"Yeah except that you purposely hid in that shell; Jinel was born in that shell because she doesn't know any better. She almost feels as if you were playing her."

"How was I playing her?"

"By acting like someone you're not when that person you were acting as was the only kind that Jinel is used to being around other than us. She felt like she had someone in common for once until you found a dream to believe in. You weren't raised in confusion but you chose to participate in it although you still do now." We slightly giggled when Tasha said that. "However, Jinel was raised in confusion so it's familiar to her."

"Yeah...You right Tasha."

"Yeah that's why I get so damn angry when she starts throwing out that down bullshit 'cause it gets you to revert back to your old ways every time."

"I know that's why I asked you this question."

"I'm hip but I got nothing but love for Jinel; always and forever. She does the most sometimes but she's our best friend and we can't turn our back on her unless she gives the most conniving reason on earth to do so."

"I agree Tash'; she may be a pain but we got to stick together."

"Exactly! Don't worry though, one day Nellie will tell you every reason why she acts colder to you sometimes mark my word."

"Oh I will!"

"Bet!"

I swear I wish I could just do this with Tasha every day. I enjoy chillin' like this and yet Tasha is the only one who really knows that. It's like with her, I actually am true to myself but around everybody else, I become this person I'm not and that's exactly why Jinel is holding a grudge.

# 9

### DAD'S HOUSE

Today I'm chilling at my dad's house on Greenwood. Instead of me sitting on the couch watching reruns of Moesha in peace, I have to listen to my dad lecture me about my behavior. I've been going through this since I started actin' up at twelve and the end result is usually the same; I still do the same shit anyway! I don't know; I guess I'm not ready mentally to change my actions. This is pointless! Something will eventually 'cause me to do better however that something hasn't happened yet and it definitely isn't happening today.

"Ebony!"

"Ugh. Yes, daddy?"

"Girl don't 'ugh' me!"

My dad came and cut off the television. I swear I don't feel like doing this today. I just want to watch Moesha. "Fine I'm sorry. Yes sir?"

"Being a little smartass I see."

"Sorry daddy," I said straightening up.

"You better be!" he asserted before changing his tone to a calmer voice. "What's gotten into you?"

"Nothing."

"You always say that!"

I shrugged my shoulders. "Because it's the truth!"

"Apparently it's not because you keep getting into trouble."

"I haven't been getting into trouble."

"Oh you haven't?"

"No."

"So what do you call lying about going to your friend's house to go to some party you had no business being at?"

"I call it not a party," I said whispering.

"Excuse me?"

I spoke up a little louder so he could hear me. "It wasn't a party. It was a study kickback!"

"Let me tell you something; lying isn't going to get you nowhere but grounded! You weren't studying so cut the bullshit! If you were studying, your grades would look better than they do now! You were turning up probably drinking 'cause I know you do and I'll bet you were smoking... I'll bet that! There wasn't a damn bit of studying happening at this so-called _kickback_!"

"We were listening to music and stuff dad...nothing wild!"

"Why do you insist on thinking that your mother and I weren't your age at some point?"

I just shrug my shoulders as I look around before I stare back into his pissed off eyes. "I don't know...things were different back then."

"Back then? Excuse you! It wasn't that long ago and wasn't a damn thing different from what we did compared to what you're doing. Stop thinking you're going to get over on us 'cause believe me we've been there and done that!"

"I don't think I'm going to get over on anybody," I said whining.

"You bet not be!"

"Ugh dad!"

"Ugh dad nothing! Stop taking our kindness for weakness!"

"Okay," I say softly looking away from him.

My dad still didn't believe me so he continued to assert himself through his voice. "Ebony!" he says sternly.

"Okay daddy sir!"

"Daddy sir?" He lost the stern look on his face and replaced it with a giggle. "Smartass!" he says tickling me.

God, he knows how I hate to be tickled 'cause I laugh uncontrollably. I am extremely ticklish! "Daddy!" I say giggling loudly.

My dad finally stopped tickling me and giggled at how loud I was laughing. "I just don't want you to grow up too fast baby. You're my oldest daughter... I want you to save some things for later."

"I understand daddy and I'll always be your baby!"

"Good," he says kissing my forehead.

"So daddy can I ask you something?"

"Of course...."

"When are you and mom going to finally settle in one house together for good?"

He sat there for a minute staring off probably thinking about the situation. Maybe I shouldn't have asked him that question but I have to know. I mean, my siblings and I could never understand what the problem was. My mom and dad are so in love and they're still married so I want to know what the problem is. I'm tired of trying to not understand what's really up with them.

"Well, it's complicated Ebbie."

"How?"

"I don't know if you'd understand."

"Try me."

My dad takes a deep breath and begins to open up. "Okay... It's more than you guys think. I've made some bad choices that your mom isn't happy with. She's not ready for me to come back just yet Ebbie."

"Why not she happy? Doesn't she love you?"

"Of course she does but that's the problem. Your mother loves me too much that's why she wants me to change my ways."

"What ways? What did you do?"

"Damn, you are asking a lot of questions! I should be drilling you about the secret life you live behind your mother and I's back!"

"I'm not living a secret life daddy!"

He started chuckling at me. "I find that hard to believe!" he says.

"It's true but come on daddy, what did you do?"

"Ebony, I choose to party with my friends, drink, and smoke weed. Your mother wants me to stop because I'm passing off the wrong idea to you and your siblings."

"Wait...you still party?" I say snickering.

"Real funny!" he said sarcastically. "But if you must know, I go out to the bar a lot with your uncles."

"Wow so why don't you just stop daddy? How come I didn't know this?"

"Baby, I wish it were that easy but I am trying. Your mother wanted this shielded from you guys and I agree."

"But why? Why does she have to sugarcoat this? We need to know this!"

"Why do you think?"

"She never sugarcoats anything! So she can keep it real until it hits home?"

"Ebony, she wanted to shield you guys from my behavior because she doesn't want you to be easily influenced by my poor decisions. I'm not just any guy in you all's life, I'm your dad; one of your biggest influences and I'm supposed to be your biggest role model! If you saw me do it, then you'll think it's okay. I think what she did was good. She's looking out for you guys so don't be too hard on her. I'm the one who failed. Your mother and I grew together and went through everything; we accomplished so much and learned as we went along. We promised to raise you guys' right; raise you guys to live above the negative influences. Your mother kept her word. Me however.... I just couldn't get it together. I just couldn't grow up. This is why we get on you so hard when you mess up like you've been doing."

After my dad said that, I just knew I couldn't blame my mom for what she did. "I never thought of it that way but mommy is strong. She's always been my hero but so are you."

He began smiling. "Good so don't be hard on her for looking out for you."

"Yes sir I won't."

I moved in to give my dad the biggest hug. "That's my baby!"

"So are you going to try to do better?"

"Yes, I am baby. I don't want us settling for two homes when our love made one to begin with."

"Let's make a pact, you change and I will too."

"I want make this pact but I got to be honest with you Ebbie. You'll eventually change the way you think, feel, and act when something changes you. A pact is not going change you. Trust me, I know! That's why I'm in the same predicament I've been in for a long time. I can't say what will change you but trust me when I tell you something is going to revamp your entire mindset and that being bad bullshit will become a thing of the past. However, we can work together to do better so we can be better. Okay?"

"Okay daddy."

"Okay. So, let's get something eat. My treat!"

"I hope so because I'm broke!"

He put me in a headlock. "Ha-ha you're always broke!"

"Not even!"

"Yes, even!" he says mocking me.

"Ugh!"

"Ha-ha!" he said opening the door for me. "What are you in the mood for?"

"How about pasta?"

"Alright, pasta it is!" he says closing the door.

"Dad why does your house always smell like cornflakes?"

"Maybe 'cause you're always eating them," he responded sarcastically.

My dad and I walk out of his house towards his car to get some pasta. I'm secretly kind of sad that I can't finish watching Moesha but I guess I'll live; I pray there's a marathon tonight.

# 10

### THE PIERCING PLAN

So, remember that conversation I had with my dad about changing? Well he was right; I'll eventually change when something changes me however instead of changing, today I'm straying deeper. I'm planning on getting a piercing without my parents' permission.

I asked my mom if I could get my nose pierced and at first, she said no. When I asked her again like three weeks ago, she said I could if I bring home straight A's but the chances of that seem bleak so I have to take this matter into my own hands. See...I still haven't learned.

I'm on the phone talking with my girls about my little devious plan to get my nose pierced. Jessica and Jinel are at Shanice's house while Tasha is at home. Tiffany is at her mom's hair salon so you can hear extra talking and salsa music in the background. Shanice has her phone on speaker so that Jinel and Jessica can get in on the conversation too.

"I don't believe you're going to do it!" said Jinel.

"Well I am!"

"Damn! You still getting that nose piercing girl?" asked Shanice.

"Hell yeah! I'm trying to get it today for real."

"You and me both _chica_."

"What you tryna' get pierced Jessie?" asks Tasha.

Jessica popped her gum. "I was thinking about a Monroe piercing."

"That piercing on top of your lip, right?"

"Yeah girl, I think it's so cute!"

I began smiling as I opened my hand mirror to look at my face. "That's what I originally wanted to get done."

Tiffany began laughing overtop of the salsa music playing at the shop. "Ebbie, you know damn well your mom's not having that!"

"Exactly!" Jinel agrees. "She is going to flip when she peeps whatever piercing you get that isn't attached to your ear. Watch!"

"Damn right she is!" adds Tasha.

"Whatever. She won't know."

"Girl, how you going to hide a nose ring?" says Tiffany.

"I got a plan."

"You don't have the slightest clue about how you're going to hide it at all do you?" asks Tasha.

"No," I reply laughing.

Everybody starts laughing hard when I say that because I sound crazy to even believe for a second that I can get a nose piercing and think that my mom will never know.

Besides, leave it up to Tasha to catch me on my bullshit. Even she knows I actually don't have a legitimate plan to hide an earring in my nose.

"You trippin'!" says Jinel.

"No bullshit! Ebony, your mama is going to see that stud sticking up in your nose and kill you!" added Shanice.

"Damn, I know!" I giggled. "Just wishful thinking that's all."

"Nah, more like hopeful thinking," Tasha says snickering.

"Besides, how you going to get it done girl?"

"Ant said his friend Rob does piercings Niecy. He is going to take me to get it done."

Tasha began making kissy noises. "Girl, Ant is sprung over you!"

"Right!" Jinel snapped. "He thirsty as fuck!"

"Nah Nellie," says Jessica. "He's just secretly in love with Ebbie," she says trying to piss off Jinel.

"Chill out! He not sprung and he's not secretly in love but he is thirsty!"

"You know; your denial kills me. Just admit it girl!" said Tiffany.

"Yeah, yeah...it's not even like that Tiffany."

"Yeah okay!"

"I'm serious-"

Before I know it, Amir comes busting into my room looking for his cell phone. I throw my pillow and yell at him to get out fearing that he may have heard my plan to sneak to get my nose pierced. "Hold on y'all....Amir GET OUT!"

"What was that for?"

"I'm talking to my friends! What do you want?"

"Y'all probably up to no good!"

"Oh you mean like you? No we're not now mind your business, get a hobby and get out!"

"Relax; I'm looking for my cell phone!"

I sucked my teeth. "Well, why in the hell would it be in my room?"

"Aw, I'm telling mama you cussed!"

"Amir shut up! Now answer my question; why would _your_ cellphone be in _my_ room?"

"I don't know; I'm just asking if you've seen it because I can't find it. It was on the kitchen table-"

"Well, have you looked for Shannon? I'm pretty sure she knows where it is, hell she probably making phone calls again on it."

"She bet not have it...go back to your dumb call! SHANNON!"

Amir closes my door hard and goes running through the house looking for Shannon. I try to get back to my phone call when I hear Shannon and Amir running through the house screaming.

"You better not have my phone Shannon!"

"Maybe I do, maybe I don't!"

"Give it back!"

"You aren't going to do nothing if I don't!"

I get up and walk out of my room to find Amir and Shannon wrestling each other while Tati is playing with her Barbie dolls watching television. "Hey! Stop y'all! Amir get off Shannon!"

"She got my phone!" he shouted.

"Shannon, give Amir his phone back please."

"Okay fine, here punk!" she says shoving the phone into his hands.

"Oh now you want to give it back easily!"

"Well, Ebony asked nicely. You came at me wrong!"

"I didn't come at you like nothing!"

"Yes, you did!"

"No I didn't!"

Amir went to hit Shannon when I grabbed his arm hard. I couldn't take it anymore! I don't understand how my mama deals with this then again she doesn't 'cause she shuts them up every time.

"Hey, cut it out! And that's another thing, Amir don't put your hands on a female ever especially your sister. You know better!"

"Man, you sound like mom! You grab like her too!"

"Whatever, you know she would say that and daddy would kill you if you touch any female. So keep your hands to yourself! Why can't y'all be like Tati; she just playing quiet. Y'all always have to be so loud! Find something to do, do your homework, play video games, make a snack, do something other than set everybody in the house crazy!"

Damn, I really am starting to sound like my mother. Shannon and Amir go their separate ways but not without bucking at each other quickly. I swear those two get a kick out of fighting each other every day but then again I'd be worried if they weren't arguing. Shannon goes to play with Tati as she should be and Amir goes to his room, probably play video games, as he should! I don't know where Marcus is; probably outside somewhere. I walk back into my room and close my door so I can return to my phone call.

"So, you done playing mommy?" asked Jinel in a mocking voice.

"Girl shut up! I don't know where my brother is. He's the one in charge."

"He probably outside with Riley...his ace," says Tasha.

"Yeah, probably but anyways...I need to find out what time I'm getting this piercing done."

"Well, whenever you go, I say you should get your belly button done too," says Jinel.

Shanice agreed with that idea. "It would look cute on you!"

"Y'all scandalous!" says Tiffany chuckling. "She's already taking a risk getting her nose done. Y'all trying to get her killed with the belly button piercing idea! One scheme at a time you guys, one scheme at a time."

"Ha-ha, you right Tiff!" I said.

"Shoot, I know!"

"Well, on that note, I wonder how the hoop earring would look in my nose y'all."

Jessica made a grunting sound. "I don't know Ebbie, not everybody can pull that off."

"You hear me?" added Shanice.

"I think hoops make you look like a bull," says Tasha busting out laughing.

"Right! Don't be on that bull...shit!" Tiffany added.

We all started giggling when I heard my phone click. Anthony was sending me a text.

I returned to my phone call. "Ant just texted me y'all."

"What did he say?" asked Tiffany.

"He is about to come scoop me in like twenty minutes."

Shanice began singing. "Ah sucky, sucky now!"

Tasha dismissed her assumptions though. "Girl relax! She just trying to get a piercing!"

"And some dick," Jinel proclaims.

"Nah Nellie, that's your goal," said Jessica.

"And she has no chance so next in line!" added Tiffany.

Shanice began laughing at Jinel hard. "Onto the next brother!"

"Yeah, right!" says Jinel in a dry but harsh voice.

"Alright y'all; I'll call you when I get back."

"If you're not grounded," says Tiffany giggling.

"Funny!" I said snickering.

"Okay girl!" says Jessica.

"Have fun," Shanice said.

Tiffany added on to Niecy's comment. "But not too much fun!"

"Never especially not without my girls!" I say to Tiffany.

"That's right!" she says.

"Don't do nothing crazy without me!" adds Tasha.

Jinel adds another smartass comment. "Keep your clothes on!"

"Nellie please! Y'all not funny! Bye y'all!"

They all said bye as we end the conversation. I giggle at the craziness of my friends and hang up my phone. I roll off my bed and slip my feet into my Nike tennis shoes. I fix my hair a little bit and spray some Prada perfume on. I love the smell of this perfume. It smells like candy hence the perfume name. I take one last glance at my nose; this is the last time I will look in the mirror and see a non-pierced nose.

This time tonight, a diamond stud will replace the empty skin on the right side of my nose. I feel my phone vibrate at the exact same time I can hear Ant pull up. He sent me a text before I even leave out of my room.

I send the text message and get ready to meet him. I rub my hand across my nose and smile as I turn to walk out of my room. It's quiet all of a sudden and I don't see any of my siblings in the living room.

I walk outside to find Tati, Shannon, and Amir amongst their friends. Marcus is outside; as I suspected when I caught Amir fighting with Shannon, Marcus is entertaining his friends in front of Riley's car. Amir is standing around conversing with his little friends, Shannon is giggling with her girlfriends, and Tati is playing a game of tag with all her friends ultimately running pass me.

"Hi Ebbie!" Tatiana says running fast.

"Hi Tati! See you later!"

"Okay! Bye!"

"Oh hell no...where you headed?" Marcus said diverting his attention away from his friends to me as I begin to walk past him.

"Out....and that's all you need to know!"

Marcus leaned up off the car as if he was about to walk in my direction. "Ebony!"

"I'll be fine!" I said calmly.

He nodded and leaned back against the car. "A'ight then."

I walked towards Ant's car after easing my brother's nerves. He got the car running while he looks down at his phone. I open the passenger door and sit inside the car.

He looks up from his phone and smiles at me. "What's up Ebz'?"

"Hey Ant."

"Ready to roll?" he asks.

"You know it!"

He puts his phone down as he puts the car in drive. "A'ight, let's go."

Ant's friend works at this piercing and tattoo shop on Georgia Avenue. However, we're going over his place, which is off Georgia Avenue but five minutes from the shop. He sees me around the way all the time so we know each other fairly well.

After about ten minutes, we pull up in front of his place. We get out and close the doors of Ant's car as we walk towards his front door.

"Rob! What's good man?" Anthony says dapping up Rob.

"What's good son?"

"I bought Ebony back for another piercing."

"Is that right?" Rob says looking over at me. "What's up Ebbie?"

"Hey Rob, just trying to get my nose pierced," I say giving him a hug.

"For sure! I got you! Come sit down right here," he says motioning to the black chair next to his wooden table full of piercing materials and tattoo ink.

I went to sit down as he gathered the supplies he needed. "Okay."

"Do you know what kind of earring you want like a hoop, diamond ball, corkscrew...?"

"I want a diamond stud with the nose backing."

Rob prepares to pierce my nose. Ant stands near me and pokes at my stomach; I giggle and push his hand away. Anthony can fool you; he can act like a guy who'd be the perfect boyfriend but in reality, it's only to butter you up for the bedroom. He knows that I'm no fool... at least to his true intentions. If I give it up its 'cause I want to.

As I slap Ant's hand away from my stomach, he giggles as Rob returns ready to pierce my nostrils. "Ready?"

"Yup, yup."

"A'ight. You're going to feel a slight pinch but nothing too painful."

"That's fine with me. I can handle it!"

"Aye that's what's up! I like a girl who can handle pain," he says looking back at Ant before refocusing his attention on my nose.

"Oh I can handle pain, trust and believe."

"Hey, don't get cocky!" says Ant.

I laugh and roll my eyes at him. Rob uses a marker to color where I want it pierced. I nodded as he asked me whether or not I wanted my piercing in that spot.

"This good?"

"Perfect!" I said as I looked in the hand mirror he handed me to see if it was straight.

"Bet!"

I handed him the mirror back. Once he put the mirror down, he then took a needle and gently pushed it into my nose. It slightly hurt but nothing too dramatic. It was more like a sting if anything. By the time I could say it hurt, it was over.

"Alright. Done."

Ant steps closer to look at my new nose ring. "Oh snap, looking fly Ebbie!"

"Thank you! You really think so?"

"Most definitely girl!"

"Let me see?"

Rob hands me back his hand mirror so I could see how my piercing looks for myself. I didn't like it. I loved it! I felt like a new person; I felt mature. I don't know why I waited this long to get it. Oh wait a minute, yeah, I do; I never had permission to get it that's why!

"I love it! Thanks Rob! You're the best!"

"No problem sweetheart! You know I always got you."

"Cool," I said giving Rob a hug.

"Ready?" said Ant.

"Yeah, I'm ready."

"A'ight man, I'll hit you later," Ant says to Rob as he daps him up.

"A'ight, peace! Aye don't be a stranger Ebbie! Tell your friends too!"

"Of course not and you best believe I will! Jessie wants a Monroe piercing."

Rob nodded as he took off his rubber gloves. "Okay well, tell her to hit me up and let me know. Put my number in your phone!"

"Okay," I said as Ant pulls up Rob's number on his phone so that I can put his number in my contacts. "Alright I'm gonna' have Jessie hit your phone. See you later!"

"Okay bet. See you sweetheart!"

Anthony and I walk out of Rob's back door. As we're walking back to his car, I can sense what's going to happen next and it doesn't involve me going straight back to my house.

"So, you want to go back to my crib and watch some Netflix?"

"Cut the bullshit Ant! Do I want to go back to your crib and have sex? Just keep it real!"

"Actually that's not what I had in mind but since you mentioned it. Nah, just kidding!" he giggled.

"Boy please, you know that's what you had in mind!"

"Come on Ebbie-"

"Come on nothing! Look if I give it up to you, please understand that I'm no fool! If I gave it up, it's because I wanted to and not because you're hinting around for it!"

"A'ight boo chill! Besides, you're no fool and I know that."

"Good and you bet' not forget it neither!"

"Okay...well, let's just go back to my place."

"Fine."

You want to know something funny. This tactic was a way to pull him in; to make the loving better! Check this out...if you let them know that you're hip to their true motives, they'll put in work to get what they want and the end result will be out of this world. At least with Ant that's usually the case. Man I am too young to even be passing off these kind of tips to anybody. I should be looking for a relationship not a fling. Shaking my head.

"Let's roll Ebz'."

"A'ight. Let's roll then!" I said as he smiled at my smartass remark.

We get in the car and Anthony turns on the ignition. We pull off and head towards his place; he stayed off Manchester Road in the Croydon Manor apartments with his brother Charles.

We walked in to find Charles sitting on the couch with their cousin Trevon. "What's up Ebbie?" says Charles looking away from the television to look at me.

"Hey Ebbie!" added Trevon.

"What's up Charles; hey Trevon! What y'all up to?"

"Shit, you know us...the usual," says Trevon.

"Beating this dude's ass on NBA live," says Charles.

"I see. Who's winning?"

"Shoot me baby girl!" yells Charles.

Trevon however disagrees. "Whatever, I'm about to straight dog your ass!"

"Oh please....I'm trembling!"

"Ha-ha, y'all stupid!" said Charles laughing.

"Smells good in here!" I said walking towards the kitchen.

"Yeah it's Ant's chicken alfredo he made last night. We warmed it up on the stove," says Charles without turning his attention away from the television.

"You should try some," says Trevon who was also glued to the television.

Ant looked over at me. "Yeah, you want some?"

"Sure Ant," I nodded.

"Alright, let me put some on a plate for you."

"Okay cool."

Anthony walked into the kitchen to get the chicken Alfredo with broccoli he made the night before off the stove. Ant is a good cook I'll give him that! I sit down at the table and play on my phone as I wait for him to bring me a plate. Although I usually get my own plate, I'm going to let him do it tonight since he pressed if you know what I mean.

Five minutes' pass by and Ant comes out of the kitchen with two plates; one for me and one for him. He places it on the table and sits down with me. "Dinner is served!"

"Smells good!"

"It tastes even better...try it!"

I pick up the fork and take a bite of the pasta. "You're right, this is bomb!"

"Told you! Want something to drink?"

"Yeah, I'll get it though."

"Nah, I'll get it."

"It's just soda Ant, I can handle it."

"Nah, you're my guest so let me treat like one."

Charles and Trevon weigh in on how nice Anthony's being while still keeping their eyes fixated on the television. Anthony grabs two grape sodas and head back to the table.

"Damn....We know who's bucking to get some tonight!" says Charles laughing.

"Ha-ha no bullshit! How bad do you need it brother?" added Trevon?

"Ha-ha....the thirst!" I said laughing along with them.

"It's real!" said Trevon.

"Shut up!" Ant says picking up his fork.

"Tre, he knows it true! There's no sense in denying it," said Charles.

Ant took a bite of his food. "Whatever! Y'all got jokes!"

"Who got jokes Ant? You clearly are being upfront with how you are feeling!"

"Yeah, yeah, yeah." he says bashfully.

"In your feelings much?" I said teasing him.

He shot a look at me quick. "Hell nah!"

"Yeah right."

"Keep on, you going to get beat up!"

"Boy please, nobody scared of you not even your shadow!"

"Alright just wait!"

I smiled harder at Ant as I kept eating. I was even thinking about his playful threats. Besides, I know what playful threats turn into anyway, at least with him. I finished eating and just sat in the chair drinking my soda.

"So, ready to watch a movie?" he asked.

"Yeah. I get to pick the movie!"

"Oh bullshit!"

"Bullshit nothin'!"

"Uh-oh movie? Yep, he bout' to get some!" said Trevon snickering.

Charles giggled with him. "I'm telling you!"

"Pick a chick flick!" yelled out Trevon.

"Would you two shut up? Y'all don't know what you're talking about."

Charles paused the video game and turned toward Ant. "Come on! Put two and two together! Dinner plus a movie and you're letting her choose the film. Yeah, you workin' on getting some! I don't know if you'll be successful but you are trying my guy."

"Oh whatever-"

"Whatever nothin' lover boy!" said Trevon resuming the game.

Anthony and I walk to the back of the apartment to Ant's bedroom. Once we get in his room, he shut his door and locked it. Again, put two and two together; him locking the door means he has other plans that involve more touching and less movie watching.

However, Anthony does keep his word about us watching Netflix but everybody knows what " _Netflix and chill means_." Yeah, they'll turn on Netflix but, " _Chill_ ," turns into sex. It does every time. In this case, it did but it was expected from the jump. I turned on, " _Poetic Justice_ ," and laid at the top of the bed. Ant soon joined me but not without taking off his shirt first.

I rolled my eyes at his instant persistence. "You just can't wait can you?"

"I'm just hot!"

"Yeah right, lie to somebody who doesn't know you!"

"I keep trying to tell you I wouldn't lie to you!"

"Yeah whatever!"

Ant smiled and cuddled up with me. We were chillin' up until the part where Justice has to catch a ride with Lucky in his mail truck to Oakland in the movie. That's when Ant started to try something; no surprise there. It only took him this long to resist the temptation to try to prove to me that he can behave himself but he isn't fooling anybody, at least not me.

We began locking lips and before I knew it, we both had our clothes off and Anthony started to take control. He laid on top of me; Ant's cologne almost took me into a spell. Chills ran all through my body as the smell of his cologne pushed its way through my nostrils. Maybe the smell made me excited because I knew my sexual desires were getting ready to be satisfied.

He began kissing me in all the right places; his tongue circled my breasts and moved pass my belly button. Once he got down _there_ , I knew it was on! Every lick, every bite, every kiss just entices my zest for his sex. He put on a rubber and before I knew it, he was entering me; my eyes rolled at the feeling of him being inside of me.

Damn, it felt good; I didn't want him to ever stop. Ant started stroking me slow and staring into my eyes. As he continues to jerk himself in and out, I fall deeper into the ecstasy of his loving. But wait, this isn't loving. This is pure addiction. I ought to be ashamed of myself! I mean I know that every time we have sex.

This stays in the back of my mind. I'm too young to allow myself to be sexed this way. But nobody will do you a favor or give you collateral without wanting something in return; mama taught me that since I was old enough to comprehend.

I willingly accepted Ant taking me to his mans' again for another piercing knowing that in return he would be looking to be rewarded in some way. But I knew Ant didn't want money, he wanted me...what he wants is an inside job. That's what he always wants. Because his thrusting is addicting, I have no problem in rewarding him. As I lay there, all I can think is when I'm going to stop being naïve to the addiction and be smarter in the mind? I mean I say one thing and do something totally different. I'm better than this. I mean I know I'm not a hoe; Anthony is the only dude I mess with to this extent but it still doesn't feel right. Is that why the loving is so good? Is that why I find it hard to tame the addiction?

I show the neighborhood, my crew, even Ant this confident girl persona but after this encounter with him, I'm starting to realize that inside I'm insecure with the decisions I make daily. It's like I know it's wrong but I allow my pride to hide the way I truly feel. I do the things I do because I feel like I have to.

Hell I've been doing it so long that it feels like normal behavior. I lost my virginity to Ant because I was curious but I also did it because I wanted to feel cool and say I accomplished something that not many did at that age. I mean I saw how girls earned respect that way so I idolized them. It was almost like bragging without bragging you know.

I only kept having sex with him because I fell in too deep. I mean it's like a pathological liar; they keep lying so much that they begin to believe their lies. I kept doing it so much that I began to believe I really needed it and that it was okay to accept it.

He began to teach me tricks of the trade. I felt like a part of me began to get lost in the addiction and the other part of me wanted nothing to do with this infatuation. My body became excited from his extra-curricular affection that it became normal to crave it and take it whenever I could.

You ever find yourself just doing something to feel and wind up feeling nothing. That's what curiosity costs. Shit, curiosity is the devil; I mean curiosity has taken me into a behavioral pattern that is only causing me to spiral out of control. I thought once you satisfied your curiosity, you'd be over the wondering.

I learned that once you get a taste, you'll keep doing it especially if you come to find out that you enjoy it the first time around. Curiosity doesn't stop once you try something out; maybe that's why people become drug addicts. Don't mind me, I just think too much.

One day, this craving will get old and for some reason today was that day. Hell, maybe one day I'll learn to make love instead.

# 11

### MORE TROUBLE

I'm late as hell coming home...the norm for me. I always have Ant drop me off at the corner so that nobody suspects anything particularly my mother. Once I turn that corner, guess who's standing on the porch waiting for me? My mama! I know I'm busted now and once she sees this nose ring, I'm toast!

However, the nose ring is cupcakes to my sexual status. Guess I won't be taking that much needed shower right away. I still don't understand how I can look my mother in the eye and allow her to believe I'm a virgin. Then again, every time she refers to sex, I play it off.

I'm a simple-minded teenager who is oversexed and she doesn't even know it; seems like I'm living a double life. Mama was thinking I was where I told her I was going and yet she didn't even know her oldest daughter was laid up in some older boy's bed being sexed like a grown woman.

That's a thought nobody wants to think of when it comes to their child; I can only pray my future daughter doesn't give me this kind of blues but if she does, I deserve it. I mean it would only be payback for the stress I bought to my mother. I wonder if she bought this stress to my grandma then it would make sense as to why it's happening to me maybe.

Then again, it's happening to me because I _let_ it happen. It's a trip that I understand the feeling of this pain when I'm the main one causing it. As I walk closer to her, I place my right hand on my nostril covering up the ring. I doubt I'll be able to hide this long but its worth a try. And the trouble begins in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1...

"Where in the hell you been this time Ebony?" my mom asked shouting.

"I didn't go anywhere of importance."

"Girl....you are truly testing my patience!"

"How?"

"What you mean how? You know why! And what's wrong with your nose? Why you got your hand over it?"

"I hit my nose earlier and it kind of still hurts a bit."

"Well, let me see."

"Nah, I'm fine!"

"Girl, move your hand so I can see!"

My mother is the nosey type of parent. You tell her you got a paper cut and she looks to see it as if she needs proof of the alleged injury. My mom was not the type of woman who would let you bring things into her house without her asking you the original origins of the stuff.

I knew I was going get busted but damn. This was too quick! Once my mom moves my hand away from my nose, her mouth slowly drops in shock, in confusion...hell in disbelief that I got my nose pierced. Well, it was good knowing me.

"What the hell is that in your nose?"

"What thing?" I asked tryna' play dumb.

"Ebony don't make me lose my damn patience! You know what thing...the nose ring!"

Honestly, she already lost her patience but I didn't think mentioning that would help my case at this point. "It's fake!"

"Okay so take it out then!"

"Okay!"

I turn to the side and pretend like I'm taking it out but of course, my mom isn't stupid! She stops me from trying to take it out even though I really wasn't taking it out at all.

"Ebony, what has gotten into you lately? I am getting so sick of your defiance! What's the problem?"

"Nothing! There is no problem!"

"You sure?" she asked.

"Yes," I nodded.

"Okay so then why are you doing this?"

"I just wanted it pierced."

"I told you before that I would allow you to get your nose pierced when you show me a report card with straight A's!"

"I know but-"

"But what?"

"Ma', I wasn't trying to wait until that happens to get it pierced!" I whined.

"Why? You do think you can do well in school or something. Getting good grades is too hard for you?"

"No. I told you I just wanted it now ma'!"

"Well, you can't always get what you want when you want it Ebony! You know better than to do something like this without permission. You are not grown!"

"Ma' I don-"

"Get in the house! Don't need the neighbors' all in our business! They know enough!"

We walk into the house and I sit down on the couch while my mom stands over top of me with her arms folded to resume the argument that was taking place on the porch.

"Ma', I don't think I'm grown! I just feel the need to express myself!"

"First off, you do think you're grown especially the way you've been actin' out lately! You want to express yourself. Write your creative thoughts in your journal! That's not your body! That's mine and you aren't to do nothing piercing or tattoo wise with it without permission and consent!"

"How is it your body?"

"How is it my body? I'll tell you how...I gave birth to you! Every nail, every limb, both of those eyes, your hair, your smart mouth....I created that! That's mine!"

"But you don't-"

"I'm only going to tell you one time to watch your mouth! The next time you get fresh, I'm going to knock you out!"

"Nobody is getting fresh! I'm just telling you how I feel!"

Why did I just say that?

"You sneak and get you nose pierced and think it's important to tell somebody how you feel? Nobody is worried about how you feel!"

Tatiana and Shannon are creeping behind the door of their room as they watch me get into trouble. My eyes met theirs; my heart is speaking through my eyes hoping they get the message: _"Do better than me, don't imitate what you see."_ Amir is behind the living room wall giggling; the shower is running so I know Marcus is taking a shower but I'm pretty sure he can hear us.

Just as my dad walks in, my mom catches Amir and gets on him. "Amir, something funny?"

"No."

"Didn't think so. Get in your room now or else you'll be next!"

"Yes, ma'am."

"Next? What's the problem? What did you do now Ebbie?" my dad says sitting next to me on the couch.

"Why you always instantly assume I did something?"

"I don't know 'cause you're the only one who gives your mother and me the blues consistently!"

I look down to the ground because I know I'm guilty of always giving my mom and dad headaches.

"Now, what happened?" he asks again.

"Nothing," I said still looking onto the ground.

My mother began to lose her cool even more. "Nothing? You did nothing?"

"Okay I did do something."

"What?" asked my dad a bit more firmly.

"She snuck and got her nose pierced didn't even ask anybody for permission!" my mother chimed in angrily to my dad before I could break it to him.

I looked around fixating my eyes on the living room wall...I know I'm guilty but I'll be damned if I admit to it so easily.

"You did what? I want to hear it from you!" my dad said in a pissed off tone.

"I went and got my nose pierced."

"How did you pay for it?"

"My friend hooked me up. His friend did it for me."

"So you let somebody just throw a needle into your nose who probably don't have no experience?"

"No! He has a shop in Silver Spring. He has the license to do it."

I didn't tell my parents that he pierced my nose in his basement. That would probably set them off way more.

"Oh he has a license to pierce young know-it-all teenagers who have no consent to get it done in the first place?" my mother says with the same angry tone.

"I don't know."

"Hmmm you don't know...well, you should know!" My mom turned to look at my dad. "Curt, I don't know what else to do! She is determined she is going to do what she wants!"

Of course, as usual, my dad tries to calm her down. "Just relax 'Neva!"

"I can't 'cause what's next? Pushing drugs? Getting locked up? Stealing? Gangbanging? Hurting people? Getting pregnant?"

"She bet' not!" he said turning back to me.

"We didn't raise her to act this way! I don't understand what the problem is!" she said turning back to look at me.

"No ma' dang! You always think the worse."

"Well, what else should I think? You aren't giving me any reason to think otherwise!"

"Girl, didn't we just have a talk last weekend about your behavior?" said my dad holding his hands up almost in a shrug.

"Yes, daddy."

"So what happened?" he asked.

"I don't know."

"Stop saying that 'cause you do!"

"I just wanted it daddy, I couldn't wait for mommy to get it or allow me to get it. That wait would've been forever!"

By this point, my mom had her hands on her hips. "What you mean? You don't have no choice but to wait for me! Ebony, I am getting real sick and tired of your defiance!"

"I know ma' but I said I'm sorry. I'm going to do better. I promise I'll start listening to you and stop doing what I please."

"I don't believe you!" she shouted.

"I am telling the truth!" I insisted.

"Well, prove it then!"

"Okay, I will."

"You damn right you are! I just....I'm over this. Just go to your room! It better be out of your nose in the morning or I'm going to rip it out!"

"'Neva!" my dad says.

My mom shook her head. "'Neva nothing! I'm dead serious!"

"Come on; let the girl keep her nose."

"Fine! Keep your nose hell keep the damn ring but you bet not complain that it's infected tomorrow morning!"

I walk to my room and close the door; I lean my head against the door and close my eyes for a minute. I can hear my mom and dad talking about me still. Damn. I truly give my mother the blues. I guess every big family has that one person who just can't get it together. In this family or at least amongst those in this house, it's me who does the honor.

I said I'm going get it together but I don't think I can just that easily. I hear the shower stop; Marcus is done. I hope he didn't use up all the hot water because I really want to get in the shower. As I put on my robe, I grab my pajamas, underwear, socks, sports bra, cocoa butter, and deodorant. I walk out of my room, stop at the closet to grab a towel, and walk straight to the bathroom before anybody tries to go in.

I close the door and place my stuff on the hamper; I place my deodorant and cocoa butter on the sink. I place the towel on the toilet seat and put my robe on the peg hook behind the bathroom door. I locked the door then turned the water on; my dove shower gel was on the soap holder. I waited for the water to get hot; I placed in my hand threw the current until it was as hot as I wanted it to be.

Once the water was hot enough and I placed my hair cap on, I slowly stepped into the shower. I usually stand under the water for a while before I wash myself; it's one of the few places I do the most thinking at. The water calms my spirit. I'm trying to wash away the evidence of Ant that lurks on me.

My mom believes the worse thing I've done today was get my nose pierced without asking her. The truth is it wasn't. Compared to a young sixteen-year-old girl indulging in casual sex, I'm pretty sure that was the most innocent thing I've done today besides waking up this morning. If she knew that, she'd kill me. Literally!

Thirty minutes later, I was done in the shower. I stepped out, put on my deodorant, placed lotion on my legs, and put on my pajamas. Once I cleaned up the bathroom, I walked back to my room to put my cocoa butter and deodorant back on my dresser.

I didn't hear my parents anymore; it seemed quiet in the house so I grabbed my cell phone and walked out into the living room to see what was up. All I found was Marcus laid out on the couch changing channels with the remote.

"Where's mom?" I asked standing beside the couch where he was sitting.

Marcus looked up at me and grinned before staring back at the television. "She and dad went out. Probably needed some air."

"Damn, mom is really mad."

"I know but you keep putting her in a position to be _really_ mad you know?"

"I know," I shrugged.

"So do better!" he said changing the channel.

I stared at the television. "I'm trying!"

"Obviously not hard enough!"

"I will one day, just watch!"

Marcus began giggling. "Guess that won't be anytime soon."

"You don't know that!"

"Okay, if you say so!" Marcus moved his legs so I could sit down. Once he did, he looked at my nose ring. "Did you really get that shit pierced sis?"

"You see it, right?" I said as I pointed at my nose giving him an obvious look.

"Yeah, I just can't believe it!"

"Why not?"

"I don't know I just didn't think you were bold enough to get it done. Damn, you bold as hell for real!"

"How?" I asked.

"What you mean how? You just give yourself permission and do everything you want!"

I rolled my eyes at my brother. "Not necessarily."

"Yeah right!"

Marcus keeps staring at the flower ring in lodged in my nose. My brother claims my mama went out with my dad for dinner; I guess she really did need to calm down after I pulled this piercing stunt. Plus, they're probably trying to solve the argument they just had and their other issues. You know the same old story but this time, I hope it's a different ending.

Maybe me showing off will bring them together again but I shouldn't use that as an excuse to keep acting out. Since they're out, Marcus of course, is in charge. I don't know why my parents insist on giving him power. He takes his babysitting duties way too far.

While I'm texting my girls, he all up in my phone trying to make sure I have no plans but he trippin' 'cause I'm planning on meeting my friends anyway in a few minutes on the porch just to show them that I actually went through with the nose piercing.

I jumped back so he couldn't see my messages. "Why you all in my phone?" I shouted.

"'Cause you are always scheming!"

"No I'm not!"

"Well, you not going outside to meet your friends!" he said almost sounding like he was my father.

"What?" I began snickering as I looked back at my phone. "Boy stop! You ain't nobody!"

"I'm your big brother so cut the bullshit! I hope you don't think you going anywhere?"

Can you believe this fool is trying to keep me from hanging out with my friends? "Shut up! I can go where I want!"

"Shit said who? You wanna' bet?"

"Bet! What you going to do? Snitch to mom and dad? I thought you didn't snitch on folks? You gettin' soft homie!"

"First off, I'm no snitch!" Marcus says pushing my head back on the couch.

"Prove it!" I say pushing him back.

"I really want to fight you!"

I get up to walk towards the door. "Love you too! Won't be long. I'm just going to sit on the front porch and show them my nose ring."

"Fine but you bet not step off nowhere or else you're going to get us all in trouble! Now I see why you give mama the blues!" Marcus hollered as I closed the front door.

I know I make it hard for my siblings and I get on Marcus' nerves the worst especially because he's the oldest. He watches over me but I make his job a thousand times harder more than often.

I'm a rebel without a cause but trust me one day something is going to cause me to make better decisions. Don't know what that something will be but I just know something will; just watch!

# 12

### JUST ANOTHER DAY

"We're taking the Red Line to Takoma," says Tasha looking at the train map.

"How you know?" asks Jinel.

"'Cause I've done this plenty of times."

"Alright, don't get us lost!"

Tiffany giggled at Jinel's lack of common sense. "How do you get lost on the metro? If you go the wrong way, you just get back on the train and go the other way."

"My cousin told me that even a blind man knows how to ride the metro," says Jessica.

This time, Shanice questions that comment. "Jessie how can a blind man see the stops?"

"You're trippin'! The announcer on the train tells you what stop is what!"

"Oh yeah!"

"You're hanging around Jinel too much!" I said giggling.

"Whatever! Matter of fact how were you able to even come out? I thought your ass was punished for that nose ring stunt?" says Jinel cutting her eyes with a grin.

"She got over it eventually. I got more yelled at than anything for real. I mean she mean mugs my nose occasionally."

"Mean mugs your nose?" Tiffany asks almost cracking up.

Jinel shook her head in confusion. "How does she mean mug your nose?"

"Well when she talks to me she'll say something then look at my nose hard and be like, _"Mm-hmm."_ She be staring at my nose like you stare at a rival."

"That is funny as hell!" said Jessica chuckling.

"Yeah it sounds funny but it's awkward as hell!"

"I bet!"

The train pulls up to the station. We wait for the car doors to open but before we can get on, the announcer tells the passengers what stop they're at.

"See! I told you the announcer tells you where you're at and where you're going!" Jessica says over-confidently.

"I'm already hip now Jessie dang!" Shanice says annoyed.

"Mm-hmm."

"See that's the same shit my mother says when she looks at my nose!" I shouted.

We began laughing as we stepped into the train cars and grabbed seats. Luckily, it was Saturday so we didn't have to worry about the train being packed with commuters who are on their way to work.

Another plus for us was that Takoma Park metro station is only one stop away from Silver Spring so this train ride will be way too quick. Before we know it, the announcer says we're at Takoma Park. We get up and head off the train towards the bus station.

"What bus do we have to take to White Oak?" Shanice asks turning back to look at us.

"I think Route 24," says Tiffany.

"You right Tiff," responded Tasha.

"Wait, I thought that went to Rockville?" says Shanice.

"Nah girl that bus goes to New Hampshire Avenue and Hillandale," responds Jessica.

"Oh you know I'm a bus localite."

We paused and looked at Shanice like she's the dumbest person on Earth. She was confused as to why we were looking at her funny. "What?" she asked defensively.

"A bus localite? A bus localite?" Tiffany asked while starting to laugh.

"Yeah girl!"

"Okay Niecy," I said chuckling.

"Girl bye!" said Jinel cutting her eyes back to the road to watch out for when the bus comes.

Jessie looked up at the sky before looking back at her. "We've taken the bus to Rockville before. Localite head ass."

"Anyways!" Niecy said as she lightly shoved Jessie while giggling.

"Besides those boutique's you two are obsessed with are heavily out Rockville and Bethesda," says Tiffany.

"Ha-ha don't hate!" exclaimed Niecy.

"Shit off what?" she asked Niecy in shock.

"Quality boutique's; they're everything! Hell we should've went out White Flint Mall."

"We broke Miss. Localite," says Jessie.

"What? If you broke, what you doin' going shopping at some thrift store?"

"Girl we're thrift rich, boutique broke!" I added.

"Thank you Ebbie!" Jessie says hitting me a high five.

Shanice rolls her eyes. "Yeah right!"

"Well are you and Nellie going to buy stuff?"

"Uh yeah that's the plan," Jinel says to Tiffany.

"You do know that we're going to the thrift store, right?" Jessica asks Jinel.

"Duh!"

"Yes we're aware smartass," Shanice says annoyed because she knows we're going to give her and Jinel a hard time seeing how they refer to thrift stores as low class.

"Hmm, making sure."

"Why Jessie?"

"Cause usually y'all rather hit up those bourgie boutiques that you know you can't stretch your money at," Tasha replies to Shanice.

"Shoot, the stuff be cute at those boutiques."

"And expensive."

"So what?" Niecy asks Tasha defensively.

"So why you are perpetrating and trying to spend endless bread on a single outfit when you can stretch it?" she replies without backing down.

"Cause it's better than discount. You look different than the rest."

"We look different than the rest too! Whatchu' you mean?"

"You don't like labels," Jinel interjects.

"So what? Would you rather buy labels or focus on important stuff?"

"Well Tash' seeing how I don't have nothing important to worry about, I'll take the labels."

"Here's a trick question; would you rather worry about clothing or how you're electric is going to stay on?" asks Tiffany.

"Hmm that's easy **,** clothing!" Jinel said without a second thought.

"Right, we need to know where that next outfit is coming from!" added Niecy.

"Terrible!" said Tiffany as she shook her head.

"What about where the next check is coming from to pay my bills before buying clothing?"

"We don't have to worry Tasha!"

"How do you figure that Jinel?"

"'Cause we don't have jobs."

"So!"

"Girl what's more important? Your clothing or your living situation?" asks Tiffany as she gently moves Tasha back to try to find sense in Jinel. Ha, good luck with that!

"I love looking fly, I can't help it!"

"Oh I give up! She's doomed to be like folks who struggle daily with necessities but make a way for material things."

"Well Tiff, it's like my grandma always says, "If you want to see designer, just go to the hood." You'd be surprised how people will pay for anything designer before paying their own rent," I said shrugging my shoulders.

"First off, I don't live in the hood. Second, I'm allowed to treat myself anyway that I want," Shanice says oversensitively.

"Tell 'em Niecy!" Jinel says as she slaps her a high five.

"You already know girl! We can't help it if designers got good taste and are willing to share their taste with us."

"Sure but can you help it that these designers charge crazy prices and are determined that y'all are going to pay it?" Tasha asks still trying to get Niecy and Jinel to find some common sense.

"Oh whatever," says Niecy says swatting her hand.

"Typical," says Tasha.

"Niecy don't get mad 'cause she's telling you the truth!" I added.

"Pssh," says Jinel with an attitude.

"Enough with this drama, here comes the bus," says Tiffany trying to diffuse the disagreement as she usually does.

I told you we had moments of debate but it didn't last too long. I found myself just quietly staring out the window capturing everything; people walking up the street, others talking as they wait to cross the street, even power lines that gently move with the flow of the wind.

I find comfort in watching my surroundings. The bus passed underneath 495 and I knew we arrived in Hillandale. Once we got off the bus and walked into the thrift store, we all grew excited as if we've never been here before.

Shanice and Jinel finally decided to come with us; the two of them have the nerve to prefer name brands as you can tell through our verbal disagreement. I know for a fact though that Tasha, Jessica, Tiff, and I come here often on Saturdays while Jinel and Shanice go to stores downtown Silver Spring that they know are expensive.

They finally decided to tag along with us because they always wondered how we always came back with tons of stuff. You can stretch allowance money far in this store but they weren't trying to hear it until they got tired of paying top dollar for a shirt and one pair of pants.

We found this place thanks to Jessica especially because her mom and cousin work here; she got us hip to this place. On one side is the Unique Thrift; on the other side is The Value Village Thrift store, a Spanish restaurant inside the Unique Thrift and a flea market in the middle. It's like you can pretty much find anything here. Hell, you can even get a phone if you're bold enough to take that risk.

"Y'all know I have to get some taquitos before we leave," said Jessica eagerly.

"Do you eat those every day?" asked Jinel.

"Nah just every other day," she says laughing.

I shake my head giggling and dart straight for the jewelry counter. "To the jewelry I go!

"Wait for me!" says Tasha as she power walks behind me.

We start glancing at all the vintage earrings in the case; this is the last place I should be standing. I have no place else to store jewelry; I mean my room looks like a jewelry store but of course, I don't care.

"Of course she heads directly for the jewelry counter," says Shanice sarcastically.

"Now you already knew she was! That shouldn't even come as surprise!" added Tiffany as they followed behind me.

"I can't help it!" I whined without looking up from the glass case containing tons of jewelry.

Tiffany joined us at the counter. "Well, would you like us to get you some help?"

"Hell nah! Nobody can ever make me stop buying jewelry so don't even waste your time!"

"Ha, okay if you say so," she says laughing at me.

Tasha turned her attention to the clothes on the rack. "I need some sweaters."

"Yeah, let's go look Ebbie!" added Jessie.

"Okay give me a minute! Let me just get these earrings first."

"Fine," she huffs with a grin.

I walk over to the cashier to buy the two pairs of earrings. I ran to catch up with my girls once I placed my purchased earrings inside of my purse. We decided to check out the flea market first. It's like tons of stands; they even sell toys! One of the clothing stores inside of the flea market grips our attention.

As we look at what they got, Jinel points out these bright pink tights. "Look at those fishnet tights!" she says laughing as she points to them.

"Those are cute though!" Niecy said walking up closer to them.

"Girl bye! Where you going to wear those to?" Jessie asks laughing at her.

"When we go to a party around the way. You never know!"

"If you say so."

"Well actually Jessica, I know so!"

"Please!" she said nudging her.

This boy staring at Tiffany caught my attention. "Oh snap Tiff; that boy is eyeballing you!" I said pointing in the direction of a barbershop that sits in between the flea market.

"Him? Oh, girl please he used to cut my little brother's hair. I mean he is cute though."

"Why he stop?" asks Jessica.

"Girl you know my mom was going to get my cousin Alex to do it the second he passed barber school. Plus Alex works at my mom's beauty shop; that means he cuts Rico's hair for free, that's if he wants to maintain that family booth rent discount."

"I'm hip! He better hold on to that discount!"

"You hear me?" I said as we continued staring at the boy.

"How old is he? Do you know?" Tasha asks.

Tiffany smiles at him. "He's nineteen."

"Mm-hmm, she likes him," she says beginning to grin hard at Tiffany.

"So you admit you like older guys?" Niecy asked as she glanced away from the fishnet stockings.

"Girl he only nineteen; that's not that old."

"Sixteen plus three," said Jinel.

"That's not old girl!"

"Yeah okay!"

"Nellie weren't you the one talking to Cedric? The twenty-three-year-old guy who lives in Oak Hill?" asks Tasha.

"I think it was more than talking. Something happened if I do recall?" says Niecy as she went to pay for her stockings.

Jinel cut her eyes trying to hide her smile. "I didn't remember how old he was."

"Right, 'course you didn't!" I said as we laughed.

"Okay Ant!" she said sarcastically.

"Fine so we're all guilty of talking to someone older, oh well." I turned my attention back to on Tiffany. "Go talk to him Tiff!"

"Yeah! Don't be nervous _chica_ ," said Jessie.

"Okay," Tiffany says exhaling deeper as she walked towards him.

"Get it, get it!" said Niecy cheering her on.

Luckily, he met her halfway and they started talking. We giggled and try to play it cool as Tiffany exchanged numbers with him. She came back over to us smiling extra hard.

"So what happened?" Jinel asked.

She hesitated for a moment. "We exchanged numbers!"

We jumped excitedly at Tiffany scoring his number and headed inside the Thrift Store in search of anything color block. We all walk to the sweater racks and start searching.

"Niecy I could see you wearing this," I said to her holding up the green and black striped shirt from off the clothing rack.

She shook her head. "Nah....I'm not feeling that."

"Good 'cause I am!" said Jessica as she grabbed the shirt out of my hands.

We kept looking through racks, picking out stuff, and laughing. Tiffany turned her head and gave me the shock of my life or might I say my imaginary love life.

"I didn't know Jabari works here," she says smirking and pointing over by the cash registers.

I turned to look in the direction that Tiffany was pointing at. For a minute, I zoned out. I didn't know he worked here. I guess he could sense someone staring at him so he stared over in our direction.

I turned away quickly praying that he didn't spot me damn near drooling over him. Oh God what if he did? That's so embarrassing!

"Oh snap Ebbie. He is staring at you!" said Jessie as Niecy, Tasha, and Jinel turn to join Tiffany in staring in Jabari's direction.

"He sure is!" added Tasha.

I looked down at the clothing rack quickly. "Stop looking y'all! You're making shit hot!" I said sorting through clothes on the rack fast trying to avoid looking back in his direction.

Tiffany giggled at my reaction. "Girl don't be nervous!"

"Exactly! You know he's feeling you so what's the problem?" asked Niecy.

"I'm not trying to look pressed," I said still sorting through clothes.

"How are you being pressed?" asks Tasha.

"'Cause I'm always staring at him and shit."

"Okay but he stares at you too so if that means you're being pressed then so is he," says Tiffany.

"Right so quit trippin' and just give it a try. I mean you never know what could happen," says Tasha looking back at the rack and smiling.

I looked back in Jabari's direction; funny how he was already staring at me. Instead of looking away again, I smiled as I still found myself staring at him. He began to smile at me. I kept looking for clothes with a smile glued to my face.

"I guess Ant's out of the picture?" asked Jinel with a slight smirk on her face.

I was so smitten with the fact that Jabari was really feeling me that I didn't even care enough to check Jinel or pay her any attention. However, Tasha had me covered. "Do you want Ant or something?"

"Oh please. No!"

"Oh yeah then why you always mentioning and worrying about him?"

"'Cause that's Ebbie's boo."

Shanice cut her eyes as she continued to sort through the rack. "You know why Tash', just to play with Ebony's head."

"Mm-hmm," Tiffany says while picking a shirt off the rack.

"He ain't her boo besides you just want him for yourself," added Tasha.

"That isn't true!" she said defensively.

"Hmm well I'm just calling it like I see it!"

"What do you see?" Jinel asks standing defensively.

"I see that you like him so just admit it," Tasha says unbothered by Jinel's defensive posture.

Jinel's tone grew louder. "I'm not going to admit something that isn't true!"

Tasha returned the same tone. "Well, don't lie about something that is true!"

"I have love for Ebbie!"

"I'm going to need you to show it more sis."

"I do it enough!"

Shanice, Tiffany, and Jessica were so over this bullshit that's happening between them right now. I'm still in a trance about Jabari so I really don't care about this argument.

"Can y'all please shut up with all that? Ant doesn't matter right now Jinel and Tasha we know what Jinel wants. We have a code and as a friend she should change her mind frame, right?" Jessica asked as Jinel remained quiet. She asked again. "Right?"

"Yeah!" said Jinel cutting her eyes looking through clothes avoiding eye contact with Jessie.

"Stop trying to rebound! Ant isn't worth it trust me!"

"Ain't nobody trying to rebound nothin'!"

"Okay, if you say so," Jessie said as she placed her clothes over her shoulder.

"Seriously Nellie; he ain't worth it," says Tasha siding with Jessie while giving Jinel a more sympathetic look.

"Alright, you guys are right I guess," Jinel says in calmer tone. "I'm sorry."

We finished picking out what we wanted and headed for the cashier. We were shocked at how much stuff Shanice and Jinel picked out.

"Damn, for someone who doesn't prefer thrift stores, you two sure found a whole lot of stuff!" said Tasha giggling.

"Maybe we underestimated this place," says Jinel modestly.

"I told y'all!" said Jessica nodding her head.

We stood there looking for a register when Tasha had an idea up her sleeve that I just knew she was going to use. "Let's go to Jabari's register."

"What?" I said in shock.

"Girl he doesn't have a line!"

"Y'all are just tryna' get me closer to him."

Shanice looked at me like I was a fool. "Duh!"

"Fine!" I said just giving in and walking to his line.

Jabari smiled even harder when I walked up to his register. "Hey Ebony!"

"Hey Jabari!"

"How are you doing today?"

"I'm good; how about you?"

"Hey, I'm just ready to get off!"

"I hear that!"

He began ringing up the items. "What y'all doing after you leave here?"

"We don't know yet," says Tiffany smiling.

He returned the smile. "Well hopefully whatever you ladies do it's more fun than this."

"Most definitely. What time do you get off?" Tasha asked him.

"Seven o'clock."

"Aw man that sucks."

"Yeah but it's all good." He finished each of our transactions but not without saying bye. "Y'all have a good one!"

"You too!" we all said walking away until he called me back real quick. He probably wants my number.

"Hey, I'm going to get my taquitos; y'all coming?" asked Jessie.

"Yeah we're coming. You alright Ebbie?" asked Tiffany.

"Yeah I'm straight. I'm just going to go and find out what Jabari wants."

"Okay cool! I'm going to get you a taquito and some plantains."

"Thanks Tiff."

"You're welcome girl!"

"Go get him girl!" said Jinel smiling.

I smiled and walked back to Jabari's register while my friends ran to get some food from the Spanish restaurant attached to the other side of the Thrift Store. Luckily, he doesn't have a line.

"Hey Ebony; sorry to call you back over here but I wanted to ask you something."

"Yeah?"

"Can I get your number?"

I smiled on the outside but inside I died a little bit. "Yeah sure."

Jabari ripped off a piece of receipt paper and placed it on the counter. I wrote my name and number on the paper before handing it to him; he smiled. "Thanks so I'll talk to you later?"

"Most definitely!" I said smiling.

I walked over to my friends who had food bags in their hands and were anxiously waiting to hear what happened.

"So what did he say?" asked Tiffany as she handed me my bag of food.

"He wanted my number."

We walked out to the parking lot and screamed loudly together in excitement. "Get it girl!" said Niecy breaking up the screams.

"I knew he liked you!" Jessica adds deviously smirking at me.

Jinel looked back towards the store window. "No bull! Did y'all see how hard he was smiling at Ebbie?"

"Hell yeah girl! He was cheesing harder than Ebony," said Tasha leaning on Jinel as they giggled some more.

"I know right!" said Tiffany.

"Yeah...I guess you guys were right."

"Are we ever wrong?" asked Jessica.

I froze for a moment after she said that and she knows why. "Uh-"

"Don't answer that!"

We busted out laughing as we walked towards the bus stop to wait for the bus; my sprung ass however smiled the entire walk still thinking about Jabari.

"Let's take the train back like we did earlier," said Tiffany.

"Ooh I'm down!" Niecy yells excitedly.

"Me too!" I added as we awaited the bus.

We caught the same bus route we took to Hillandale back to the train station. Although we're taking the long way home, we enjoyed spending time together.

"Damn, metro is highway robbery!" Jinel huffs as she looks at the metro station prices.

"No bullshit!" says Shanice.

"One of us needs to learn how to drive," says Jessie rolling her eyes.

"And fast!" Tasha says finishing Jessie's sentence.

We all nod and agree as the platform lights begin to blink to alert passengers that the red line train is approaching.

# 13

### SAT PRESSURE

It's the last week of school. Thank God, my junior year will be over after this week. Tasha and I are walking through the hallway together running our mouths about everything. I see all the SAT posters, which causes her to get on the topic of taking that long test.

"Ebbie you takin' the SATs next weekend?"

"They're administering that during the summer?"

"Well, no but this is the last one they're giving out before October and it'll be next Saturday."

"Oh okay."

"So are you best friend?"

"Nah boo."

"Why girl?"

"Tash', I don't have an attention span long enough to handle that complicated ass test."

"Girl, here is your chance to further yourself so you can be known all over for being a writer instead of a rebel."

"I know. I know. Maybe boo, maybe."

"Maybe nothin'!"

We walk to my locker and open it up; Tasha stands beside me posted up on the nearby locker still trying to sell college to me. "I never really stopped and thought hard about college."

"Well you should girl! This world isn't trying to hear nothing we got to say if we don't get a degree."

"If I say yes, will you not give me a lecture?" I say as I stop putting my books away to look at Tasha hoping she'll say yes.

"I would say yes, but I feel like you're only going to say yes to keep me quiet and satisfied."

Damn, she's good because that's exactly why I was going to say yes. "Well yes and no."

"Ebony, you blow my life so much!"

"Oh come on best friend, you know I will do it for you!"

Tasha hugged me excited. "Thank you, best friend!"

"Yeah, yeah," I said as we release from the hug and I slowly place one of my backpack straps on my shoulder.

"Just promise me that you'll do it not just for me but also for yourself. I can't live life for you Ebbie."

"I know girl, I know. But you're right. I promise."

"Good!"

"Now can we go?" I asked. "I'm hungry!"

"Yeah, let's hit it!"

"Let's go get some food!" I said as I closed my locker.

"Pizza!"

"Nah, let's get some Chinese food."

"Pizza and Chinese food...that might be a bomb combination."

I had to stop and look at Tasha like she's crazy. "Oh nah, that sounds wrong."

"Never know until you try it!" she says with both hands on her hips.

"I suppose I can try."

"See that's what I like to hear, let's go!"

I smiled as I shook my head at her. "Which pizza place?"

"Girl you know I'm a Pizza Hut fanatic!"

"Okay, well we're going to my favorite spot for Chinese food."

"Girl! Okay cool."

"I'm still trying to go back out Hillandale to that thrift store again whole time."

"Me too. We need to hip the crew! When you trying to make that move for real?"

"Shoot, this weekend girl! I need some fly vintage stuff."

"You and me both! I need some color-block or polka dot print stuff."

"Colorful polka dot shirt...I hope to find a shirt like that! Plus, I got the jewelry to match with it."

"Girl you got more jewelry than clothes!" Tasha said snickering.

"What's an outfit without jewelry?"

Tasha and I look at each other and say the same thing with our hands out. "Nothing I tell you!"

Just then, Shanice walked up to us. "What y'all giggling about?"

"The fact that Ebony owns more jewelry than clothes."

"Girl, if that isn't the truth I don't know what is!"

"You know! You going to roll with us after we get home and put our school stuff away?" I asked Shanice.

"Of course! Where to?"

"We trying to get some pizza and Chinese food," Tasha adds.

"That sounds like a bet! I'm in the mood for some Lo Mein anyway."

"Cool," I said.

"We'll meet up at the box."

"Alright Niecy sounds good to me," I said as I twisted around the combination dial on my locker before we began to walk away.

Tasha, Shanice, and I continue towards the front of the school to meet the crew on the bus; well except Jinel. She claimed she was sick so she couldn't come today but we know the heifer is lying. Once the bus pulls up to our bus stop, we walk home and agree to make this food move.

"Alright. Meet y'all at the box in like twenty minutes?" Tiffany asked.

Shanice agreed. "Yeah sounds good."

"I'm with it!" added Jessica.

"Okay, see y'all in twenty minutes," I said as Tasha and I turned to walk in the opposite direction to our house.

As we walked up the street home, we spot Jinel talking and posted up with double trouble; Ty and Shawn.

"I thought her ass was supposed to be sick?" said Tasha in an unsurprised tone.

"Girl you know damn well she wasn't sick!"

Jinel turns her head and spots us walking. "Hey what y'all doing?" she asked leaning against a metal fence.

"Bout' to go in the house then get something to eat," replied Tasha looking at Jinel suspiciously.

"Typical," she said cutting her eyes and throwing her hand up.

"Oh, well excuse us 'cause it seems like you ain't doing nothing spectacular!" Tasha said with both hands on her hips.

"Well, I might not be doing nothing now but I got plans."

"Oh yeah doing what? Matter of fact, I thought you were sick?"

"I am," she said coughing.

"Don't look too sick to me!"

"Nah, you can't tell 'cause it's a mind thing," I added.

Tasha and I burst out laughing while Jinel looks unamused. "Whatever! I have a cold. Anyways, we are thinkin' about maybe taking a blunt ride later. I was trying to see if y'all were down. Ebony you know you want to sneak out but you're probably too scared!"

Tasha rolled her eyes because she knew that was all the bait Jinel needed to get me to go.

"That's bullshit! I ain't scared to do nothing."

"Here we go!" Tasha said whispering while still looking pissed off.

"Okay then roll with us!"

I could tell Tasha was leery of Ty and Shawn that's why I knew I had to back out of this one. I knew she wouldn't tag along nor would I make her. They're sketchy and I don't want anything to pop off. I'm not going to go.

Jinel repeated herself a little louder. "So what's up? You rollin' or not?"

"I don't know...let me think on it!"

"Alright. Don't bluff! We goin' at six."

"Yeah okay."

Tasha and I continue down the street but not without Tasha checking me. "Why do you constantly let her get to you?"

"Who?"

"Whatchu' mean who? Jinel!"

"How do I let her get to me?"

"When she throws that being scared, or you won't do it or my personal favorite "you aren't down" bullshit, you jump every time and do things just to prove her wrong! I swear I've told you this a thousand times!"

"Actually a thousand and one times-"

"Really Ebony?" she said with a straight face as I giggled.

"I'm just playing I know Tash'. Would you do it?"

"Hell no! I don't need to prove a damn thing to nobody especially not Jinel! When are you going to realize that you don't always have to be down to get respect?" I looked at Tasha for a second and shrugged my shoulders; she wasn't having it though. "Oh hell no! You had better come up with something better than shrugging your shoulders! When are you going to take a stand?"

I glance over at Jinel; I swear the more I stare at Ty and Shawn, the more paranoid I become. Nah I'm not about to go on any blunt ride with those two. "You know what best friend, forget about it. I'm not going," I said in a low tone.

"I'm sorry what was that?" Tasha said playing with her ear.

"I'm not going to go with them!" I said louder with more confidence.

"Are you sure that's how you really feel? Don't just say that if you actually want to go. Make your own decision."

"That is how I really feel. I don't know I just get bad vibes about them all the time."

"Well, Nellie can be a bad vibe at times so I think she's right at home over there with them," Tasha said as we both continued to watch Jinel talk to them.

"I think you're right."

We both look at each other and giggle before starting to walk away. "Come on. Let's hurry so we can meet Niecy, Jessie, and Tiff at the box," she said slightly tugging at my arm.

"Oh yeah let's roll," I said as we walked a little faster.

"I don't think she's coming Ebbie."

"I promise nobody will truly be hurt by her not coming. It might be a little awkward though."

"Why 'cause she won't be there to talk shit?"

"Pretty much."

Tasha giggled. "Guess she's not hungry."

"Nah Tash' she's hungry alright; hungry for trouble and we're hungry for some Chinese food!"

"And Pizza Hut!" she added.

I laughed and shook my head as I pulled out my house key from my pocket. "And Pizza Hut!"

# 14

### COLLEGE PREP UNCERTAINTY

I walked into the kitchen to find my mother preparing my favorite dish; spaghetti and meatballs. Once she spotted me, I just _knew_ she was going to have me do something for her. "Hey sweetheart."

"Hey ma'," I said kissing her cheek.

"Will you set the table for me?"

"Yes ma'am."

Told you! She can never spot me and not give me something to do. I walked over to the cabinet to grab the plates out. I took out seven plates and seven cups.

"Daddy's eating with us, right?" I ask praying she says yes.

"Yeah baby," she says quickly glancing my way before turning her focus back to the stove.

"Yes!" I said smiling.

"So, what are you going to do this weekend?"

"Nothing planned yet but I'm supposed to be hanging with Tasha next weekend," I said as I laid out each plate.

"Next weekend? So nothing this weekend but you have something planned next weekend?"

"Yeah, the plan was her idea so I agreed to it."

"What idea? You are saying i _dea_ like you two are up to something illegal!"

"Nah ma', I promise it's nothing illegal!" I said cracking up.

"Alright then, what you and Tasha getting into next weekend that you can't do this weekend?" she said staring at me again.

"Well, Tasha is trying to get me to take the SAT test next Saturday morning. Next weekend is the last one they're administering before October so we're going to do it next weekend. They aren't giving it this weekend."

My mother started smiling once I said that. "That's a great idea plus you'll have more time to study!"

"Yeah, I guess." I said looking unsurely.

"Why you looking like that? That's a great idea baby!"

"Like I said, I guess/"

"What you mean you _guess_?" she said putting down the stirring spoon she was using to turn the spaghetti in the pot.

"I mean I wasn't really even thinking about school."

"Excuse me?" she said walking towards me.

I planted myself in a chair. "I'm just saying ma'; I didn't want take that long test."

"No child of mine living in this house is not going to go to somebody's college or trade school!"

"I know mommy. You didn't have to go to school though. Well you did get an Associate Degree though."

My mom pulls out one of the chairs and sits at the kitchen table with me. "Yeah but things were different then. The government was hiring high school kids left and right even sending them to school for training. My job put me through Montgomery College so I did get an Associate Degree through work but things aren't like they were when I was young Ebony. Nobody is going to give you a good job with little or no education! They don't give government jobs or good jobs at all for that matter to high school kids anymore. They want you to work for it. You want to be a writer, right?"

"Yeah...a writer, journalist, own my own production company-"

"Okay, well a journalist has to go through college today in order to make it onto the front page of a paper. You have to educate yourself in order to open a company. Learn first and the money will flow later."

I smiled because I knew my mom was right. Where does she get her wisdom from? "Okay mommy, you're right," I said nodding my head.

"I know I'm right."

"So what if the government and other jobs still hired kids straight out of high school? Would you still be on me about college?"

"Hell yeah! Ebony, I was determined from the moment I had your brother that each and every one of my kids are going to college. Period! College brings on so many opportunities and I want you guys to have that chance to experience them. Nobody can turn their nose up at you if you have a degree!"

"I understand ma' it's just I read about some people who never went to school and became writers, directors...you know powerful people."

"Well, what's power without knowledge?"

"Nothing."

"Exactly! Besides, the most powerful woman is one who is educated. Remember that."

"Yes, ma'am."

"You don't have to go to school to become powerful but it's a gift because a lot of times, those who gained power knew somebody. That gave them a bigger advantage than anybody who knew no one and had to start from the bottom."

"It's not what you know, it's _who_ you know."

"For the most part yes but if you want to stay relevant, education is key. Can't nobody defeat you if you're educated! Do you understand?"

"Yeah, I understand mommy. Pretty much, I have to get an education whether I know somebody or not."

"Exactly! I knew you were a smartass but regardless of what you think, what you know or who you know, I'm determined you're going to college even if it kills us both. Got it?"

"Got it ma'."

"So when you take that SAT, put your all into it."

I began smiling at her. "I will."

"Promise?"

"I promise."

"Good," she said tapping my hand. "Now, finish setting the table."

"Okay."

I get up with my mom and finish setting the table for dinner. I originally wasn't sure whether or not I was going to take the SAT test but I made a promise that I would; I owe that much to myself and to Tasha seeing how I promised her I would.

The day of the SAT arrives and I'll admit I'm slightly worried. Tasha and I both take a seat next to each other at one of the long brown tables in the library at school. For the past week, I've been studying for this test but not cramming. I can't do that cramming stuff. I would review different topics each day for about an hour to prepare for the SATs. I hope I do well or else I did all that reviewing and studying for no reason. I know you probably need to study for more than five days but look this was short notice. I wasn't initially going to take the test so I did what I could.

Tasha looked over at me as I played with my pencil. "Nervous best friend?" she asked.

I exhaled deeply. "Kind of. I don't want to do badly."

"What? Not you!" she said placing her hand on her chest using the most sarcastic voice you'd ever hear. "I thought you didn't care too much about this test?"

"I don't! I just studied all week so I put effort into this. Nobody wants to fail."

"This is true but be honest; you _do_ care!"

I cut my eyes at her. "Do not!"

"Do!"

"Do not!" I said whispering sternly.

"Just be real with me Ebbie 'cause I know the truth already!"

"Fine, I _do_ care!"

"I know you do!"

"Girl how?"

"How many times do I have to tell you that I know you way too well?"

"I know best friend!" I said giggling softly.

"Besides, don't think like that. You'll do fine just think positive and take a deep breath!"

"Okay," I say exhaling.

Our principal Mrs. Johnson is proctoring the test. She seemed overjoyed to see me. Now I know you're wondering why she knows me so well. Let's just say I've been to her office a little too often in ninth and tenth grade. Plus, she's been giving me endless educational lectures since the day I started Blair just like my mama does so I guess she's proud that I'm at least trying.

"Ebony, I am so happy to see you!" said Mrs. Johnson smiling extra hard.

"Thank you. I'm kind of nervous though."

"Don't be, you'll be fine."

I nodded my head slowly as Ms. Cox began to give the directions of the test.

"Alright ladies and gentlemen, we will now be administering the SAT examination. You need a number two pencil to complete this exam. This exam will last four hours with five minute breaks each hour. There are absolutely no cell phones or mobile devices allowed to be used during the test. Keep your eyes on your own test! Part one of this test is the reading comprehension section. Relax and take a deep breath! You may begin."

I'm not going to lie; when Ms. Cox said four hours, I almost wanted to walk out. I seriously do not have an attention span that'll last that long! I just pray I'll be able to handle this test and stay focused. I get through the answers of the reading part without much difficulty. Before I knew it, our first break was here.

"Okay, pencils down. Let's take a five-minute break."

We get up and stretch out a bit. I wonder what Tasha thinks of this test so far. I think it's annoying!

"Hey best friend, how you feeling about this test?"

"This test is intense boo but this part wasn't bad. What you think?"

"I agree but it's the math part that has me worried Tash'."

"I'm hip best friend. Math isn't our subject!"

"I know right!"

"But look, we can handle it don't trip," she says.

Tasha is the greatest supporter any friend could ask for. I mean she's the reason why I'm staying calm.

"Yeah, we got this! No matter the results, we got this!"

"Hell yeah boo!"

"Yes!"

We giggle as we split a strawberry pop tart from the vending machine together before our quick break ends.

"Alright everybody, the break is over! Let's get ready to do part two of the test," says Mrs. Johnson as she motioned us to take our seats.

We sit back in our seats and wait for the second part to begin. I wipe off the pop-tart crumbs from the side of my mouth.

"Part two of the exam is the math portion. You will be given scratch paper, which will be collected at the end of this portion. You will also be allowed to use a graphing calculator to answer the questions within this section. You have fifty-five minutes. Begin!" says Ms. Cox.

Math! Ugh, I hate math with a passion! Although math decreases my confidence, I'm going to still try my hardest. I lick the side of my mouth as I try to concentrate; I can still taste the strawberry pop tart on the side of my mouth. I use the scratch paper to answer the math problems. I tap my pencil up and down on the desk as I think of what letter I'm going to circle for the answer. Thirty-seven problems later and my eyes stinging like I'm high, the math portion is over. Thank God!

"Pencils down! This concludes the math section of the exam. Let's take another five-minute break and when we come back, we'll complete the writing and language section," says Ms. Cox looking at her watch.

Tasha and I walk to the vending machine and get a Sprite; we share it amongst each other.

"Man that math part was a bitch!" says Tasha.

"You're telling me! I've never second-guessed myself as much as I did during that section of the test. We should've got Shanice to take that part for us!"

"Damn right! She'd ace that part no joke!"

"You know she would," I said taking a sip of the Sprite.

"Well at least we're onto the language arts and writing section."

"True, that'll be easier I hope then again this is the SAT so I doubt that."

"You never know boo!"

"Wait; is the test three hours or four hours long?"

"Well, it's really three but at the end of the test, they give you an optional essay portion. However, I think Ms. Cox made it mandatory that we complete it."

"Hmmm, what is the essay portion about?"

"They give us this prompt and we have to answer it. I'm not sure what it is though."

"Well, we're writers so that'll be a piece a cake!" I said handing the soda to Tasha.

"Damn right!" Tasha says drinking the Sprite.

"Okay ladies and gents; let's knock out the third portion of the exam. Language arts and writing section of the test begins now. You may begin," says Ms. Cox.

We begin the third part of the test. I'm getting excited because this long winded test is coming to an end very soon. I never want to take this test again! Ms. Cox released us for one last break before the final portion of the exam.

"We're going to take one last break and then we're going to complete the essay portion. Five minutes everybody!"

Tasha and I just sat there talking as we waited for the break to be over. We were both just ready for this exam to be over. Once our five minutes was up, Ms. Cox called us back to wrap up the test.

"Alright everyone, it's time for the last and final part of the exam; the essay portion of the test. I am handing you the written rubric that you _must_ follow. You have one hour to complete it; begin!"

I read the essay prompt and smiled; writing essays have always been my strong suit. I always would pray that my teachers would hand out multiple-choice tests and get all bummed out when it would be short answer questions. However, I always manage to get essay and short answer questions correct on exams more so than the multiple-choice questions. For this essay, we have to analyze the reading passage that Ms. Cox handed out. Shoot, that's a piece of cake! Why couldn't the whole test be like this? Once I read the text, my fingers started speeding out of control as I began to write out my essay. Five paragraphs later, I was done and there was still twenty minutes' left to spare. Once the twenty minutes was up, Ms. Cox announced that this exam was over.

"Congratulations ladies and gentlemen, this concludes the SAT test. I wish you all the best of luck!"

"Enjoy the rest of your Saturday!" Mrs. Johnson added.

Tasha and me got up and were headed out of the classroom before Mrs. Johnson stopped us. "Ebony and Tasha, come here please."

"Yes Mrs. Johnson?" I said.

"Yes, ma'am?" added Tasha.

"I am so proud of you two ladies for taking this exam. It takes a lot of commitment especially to give up your Saturday morning to do it."

"To be honest, thank Tasha because she begged me to do it and I couldn't say no to her."

"Well...you know!" Tasha says pulling at her shirt.

"Well, you're a great friend Tasha and you're very lucky to have her Ebony," Mrs. Johnson said still giggling at Tasha.

"You know I say the same thing all the time," I said pushing my hair behind my left ear.

"See you ladies Monday! Have a great rest of your weekend."

"Thank you, same to you Mrs. Johnson!" we said together.

Mrs. Johnson smiled at us and we continued out of the school building.

"Hey Tash'?"

"Yeah Ebbie?"

"Thanks for pushing me to take this test."

"You're always welcome. Thanks for giving in so easily."

I sucked my teeth and smiled. "I can't say no to anything when you ask me."

"I know. That's why I do it!"

"Ha-ha I'm going to hurt you!"

"Ha-ha! Let's just pray we did good enough to get into somebody's college," says Tasha.

"We will boo! Do you have any schools in mind?"

"Yeah. Bowie State, Clark Atlanta, Florida A&M, North Carolina Central, Howard. You know HBCU's. How about you?"

"I never really considered it but I recently started doing some research on Bowie. They have a great communications program."

"I know! Shanna told me that a few months back. We should apply to schools together."

"Most definitely! When?"

"How about tomorrow at your place Ebbie?"

I nodded with a smile. "It's a date boo!"

"Yay!" Tasha said hugging me.

"You know I feel much more confident after taking that test."

"Really?"

"Yeah Tash'. I don't want to get cocky though. I mean you think you do excellent on a test and then you come to find out that you damn near failed it!"

"Ugh I know Ebbie! We're going to do fine just trust me!"

"Always Tash', always!"

"I wonder what the crew is doing."

"Probably what I want to do right now....sleep!" I said yawning.

Tasha cut her eyes and shook her head. "Yeah sleeping on their future!"

I shrugged my shoulders. "Shit at least they're resting!"

"But what happens later when they end up having to settle for an anything ass job because they were always sleeping?"

"Then they're going to be shit out of luck!"

"Exactly."

"But they're probably drooling right now!" I whined.

"Girl shut up!" said Tasha as she rolled her eyes and laugh.

I laughed with her and then threw my arm around Tasha's neck as we headed for home. "I am going back to sleep though!" I said.

"Oh my God!"

# 15

### SUMMERTIME

It is now summer vacation; the moment every child and teenager look forward to all school year long! Nobody stayed in the house during the summer unless they were on punishment. Ice cream truck music could be heard through the neighborhood overlapping the screams from kids playing outside.

The YMCA on Hastings Drive was a spot everyone would head to if they wanted to go swimming particularly Amir. You could find him with his friends trying to spit game on girls; Shannon and her friends would be up there too trying to show off. There's so much to do when it's summer time and what makes it better is that we don't have to leave this area too much to have fun.

If we weren't at the box trying to hope the trees above provide enough shade, we were usually chilling at Seven Oaks Park up the street from Bradford or watching the boys play basketball at Indian Spring Terrace Park. Today we decided to meet up at the box and then walk to Terrace Park to watch the boys play basketball. If we're lucky, they'll be playing shirtless as Niecy says. Tasha and me were there waiting for the crew. Once Tiffany, Jinel, Jessica, and Shanice came over to us, Shanice had a plan already for us to have fun.

"Hey y'all! I got a whole bunch of parties we can hit up this week."

"Oh yeah?" Tiffany asked. "Where at?"

"Hyattsville, DC, Annapolis, Laurel-"

Jessica's eyes grew big. "Annapolis?" she asked.

"You joking, right?" Jinel added.

"Nah, I'm dead-ass," says Shanice with a straight face.

"Damn Niecy, did you search the entire classified section in the newspaper to find these parties?" I said cracking up.

"No bullshit!" Tiffany said laughing with me.

Jinel, Jessica, and Tasha also fell out laughing. I mean come on y'all heard her; she named all these cities and we don't even drive. I'm thinking home girl is talking about parties around here or something.

"Annapolis!" Jessica repeated still astonished.

We're used to hearing about parties in DC, Hyattsville, even Laurel but Annapolis...that was a complete first.

"Y'all funny but nah I didn't and yes girl, Annapolis," said Shanice.

"So how you find out about these parties anyway Niecy?"

"I keep my ear to the party scene Jessie. You know that."

"Right but apparently you didn't keep your ear to the car dealership scene 'cause how we getting to Annapolis with no car?"

"Exactly! No bus out Silver Spring is going to take us to Annapolis and bring us back," Tasha, said agreeing with Jessica.

"I don't even think you can take the bus to Annapolis and even if you could that'll take a whole week," said Jinel.

"Hell yeah!" I said shaking my head. "That sounds like a taxi mission."

"Right!" she said agreeing with me.

"Besides, Annapolis is boring as hell," Tiffany added.

"Stop playin'?" Shanice asked in shock.

Tiffany looked at Shanice like she left her brain in the middle of the street to get ran over by a car. "Niecy, why would I lie? I went out there with my mom, grandma, Rico, Inez, and my cousins last weekend to this bomb restaurant though. Other than that good food we had, I was bored down! From what I saw, all that's there is good food, murky water, and the Naval Academy."

"She's telling the truth 'cause I've been there too; nothing special," I agreed.

"True well okay. Forget Annapolis then," says Shanice throwing her hand.

"Well, actually hold up. Since you mentioned it, I don't know; one day when we get a car, we should see how a party is in Annapolis," says Jessica who replaced her astonishment with curiosity.

"Right. I mean it could be fun," says Tasha.

"Doesn't hurt to try something new," I said shrugging my shoulders.

Shanice nodded. "Hell then let's find a ride that can take us to hit all these parties."

"Let's call Ant," Jinel says.

"How did I know you were going to say that?"

"'Cause you know me!" Jinel said to me.

"Unfortunately."

"Anyways! I'm sure he'll be down."

"You know he will," says Tasha.

"Fine. Call him," I said to Jinel who already had her phone out ready to dial his number.

"Bet."

Jinel begins to dial Anthony's number. He must've answered because she begins to walks away a little bit so she can hear him.

"You think the party out Annapolis will have crabs?" asked Tasha.

"Ha-ha really Tash'?" Tiffany said laughing.

"You're wild for that best friend!" I added.

"What? Shoot I'm in need of some crabs! Plus, we near the waterfront," Tasha exclaimed.

"' _Cita_ , nobody is goin' to have crabs as party snacks," Jessica said cracking up.

"Shit why not? They should be seeing how they're on the bay! Endless crabs for days what you mean?" says Shanice.

"That's a whole fantasy boo. This isn't a crab feast or cookout. I'll bet they have a bunch of alcohol," says Tiffany fixing her hair.

"Well, hell yeah! It would make no sense for them not too."

Jinel hangs up with Ant and walks back towards us. She's smiling so she must have good news about a ride.

"So what's up Nellie?" Jessica asked her.

"He's down. He's also bringing Charles and his cousin along."

"For all these party moves?" Shanice asked.

"Yeah girl. Niecy what day are the other parties on?"

"Um, the DC party and the party out Laurel is tonight. The party out Hyattsville is Friday and the joint out Annapolis is Saturday night."

"A'ight cool. I told Ant about the two parties tonight but I'll hip him about the other two once he gets here."

"Okay bet!"

"He bringing Trevon?" I asked Jinel.

"You know he is girl."

Tasha bit her lip. "Man he is so fine!"

"I know right," added Tiffany as she leaned against Tasha blushing with her.

"Damn, how we all going to fit into his small ass Camry though?" asked Shanice.

Jinel began giggling. "They're going to use Trevon's expedition Niecy."

"Oh hell yeah!" Tiffany said loudly in excitement.

"Road trip!" I hollered.

"This is going to be fun!" Jessica added.

"Wait y'all I know its summer and all but what are we going to tell our parents? You know they're always worried about what we're up to. We still aren't old enough to just roam back in the house at any time of the night even if it's the summer," Tasha said.

She isn't lying; we can't just stay out all night. Tiffany turns and asks whose house is about to be used in our plan. "Tasha's right y'all! Whose house are we not going to say we're going to?"

I laughed 'cause that was Tiffany's way of saying don't even think about using her house as a pawn in this situation. "Funny. Not yours boo."

"Ha-ha good!" She got serious again. "Okay so for real, whose house are we going to stay at?" she asked again.

"Let's just say we going over to Kiara's or Stacy's house," says Shanice.

"Bet. I'm with that idea," Jinel said agreeing with her.

"Okay so now that we know whose house we're going to say we're at, whose house are we actually going to be at overnight?" asks Tasha.

"Ant will let us kick it at his place; he usually does," Jinel insisted.

"She's right; let's just ask him when he comes. If not, we can't stay out too late," I said siding with Jinel.

"I agree," says Jessica.

"A'ight cool."

"So for tonight, how is this party rotation going to work out?" said Tasha leaning down to tie her shoes up.

I thought Laurel would be better to hit first. "I say we hit up Laurel first."

However, Tiffany believes going to the party out DC should be first. "Why not DC first? You know those parties don't last too long 'cause people start fighting and shit."

"This is true," I said nodding my head at Tiffany.

"I say DC then Laurel. I'm pretty sure parties out Laurel don't get shut down quick like DC," Jessica infers.

"You not lying!" agrees Tasha.

I couldn't agree with that though. "Not necessarily. My cousin said those cops be on some other shit out Laurel sometimes."

"Shayla would know too. Maybe Laurel first then DC just in case the Laurel party gets shut down quick. But Niecy do you really think we'll be able to go to both of these parties in one night?" asked Tiffany.

"Hell yeah boo especially 'cause we got a legit ride to and from," she insisted.

Tiffany still was unsure of this idea. "I don't know."

"Come on Tiff, it's not like we're going to stay the whole duration of the parties," Jinel said trying to ease Tiffany from worrying too much.

"I know that. We've done this before but the parties usually be in the neighborhood not all across the beltway and shit. I just don't want to get into trouble during the beginning of summer and end up punished for the duration of it."

I agree with Tiffany. The worse thing in the world is to start your summer vacation grounded until it's over. You might as well be in school.

"I know but trust me this time. We cool and you're not going to get in trouble Tiff!" Shanice said.

"Alright if you say so."

"Shit, I know so," she said in a cocky tone.

"Okay Miss. Know So!" says Tasha in a sarcastic voice.

"Annapolis though?" Jessica asks once again as we began to walk away.

I looked over at Jessica laughing. "You not going to let that go yet are you?"

"Hell no! Out of all the places to party that Niecy has ever mentioned, Annapolis has to be the most random one yet."

"Come on _mamacita_ ; can't stay in Silver Spring forever or else you'll limit your perception of the world," says Tasha softly gripping Jessie's face.

"Yeah. There is a world outside of here," says Shanice.

Jessie placed both her hands on her hips and looked at them like they were crazy. "Well duh, I know that! Y'all act like I've never left the state of Maryland before. I'm just lost with this whole Annapolis move."

"Don't worry Jessie. It'll be fun!" said Jinel trying to encourage her.

"Alright fine let's see what's up with this party in Annapolis. If it's weak, you're going to have to fight me Niecy!"

"Okay I'll let you sneak a sucker punch if I'm wrong about this party having potential to be just as good as parties around here," Shanice says to her laughing.

"Good! Annapolis though?" Jessica asks again as we began walking.

"Ha-ha yes Annapolis! Now let's go to the courts," said Tiffany as we started walking towards the park.

"Cool," we all said as we continued walking up the street to the basketball courts.

"It's hot outside that means shirts will be off!" Shanice exclaims in excitement, as we emerge closer to the courts.

"Hell yes!" says Jinel.

As we get closer, you can hear the ball bouncing from off the backboard of the basketball hoop. Once we get on the basketball court, we stand on the side laughing and talking. Of course, Jabari just had to be here playing which caused my friends to bring it to my attention.

"I spy with my little eye Ebbie's boo," says Shanice smirking.

"I spy with my little eye Ebbie's boo looking at Ebbie looking at him," adds Tasha laughing.

"Do y'all realize how corny you actually are?" I ask them cutting my eyes with a grin.

"Do you realize how modest you are?" Jessica asks giggling. "Admit that you like seeing him _chica_ 'cause it's no secret; not to us, not to yourself, and damn sure not to him."

I so badly want to tell Jessica that I don't but that's a lie and they know it so I'm not even going to waste my breath.

"Hey ladies," said Jabari as he smiled at me while dribbling the ball.

"Hey Jabari," they said back in unison.

He handed Andrew the ball as he walked closer to me. "Hey Ebony."

"Hey Jabari," I said smiling while my heart pounds with each step he makes in my direction.

"Can I have a hug?"

"Yeah sure," I said somewhat nervous.

Jabari wrapped his arms around me for a minute and stood back biting his bottom lip smiling at me. Maybe this is Heaven because after that hug, it sure felt like I was there. Whether you want to believe it or not, sometimes it's hard to believe that you're hugging the boy you've been crushing on bad and like so much. Hell it's even harder to believe that your crush likes you back just as much if not more.

Nick grew impatient so he started yelling at Jabari to finish the game. "Bari' let's ball!"

"Alright hold up! He just mad 'cause nobody is giving him the time of day," said Jabari as he looked back at me still smiling.

"I guess so," I said smiling with him.

"I got to go okay?"

"Okay."

"Talk to you later?"

"Yeah of course."

"Alright cool," he said giving me one last hug before running back to the court.

"Ready to play lover boy?" Nick asks.

"Shut up!" said Jabari taking his place on the court.

"Why you rushing to lose Nick? We bout' to cream y'all!" added Andrew laughing.

"Shit only in your dreams! Game on!" Nick says throwing the basketball to Lawrence who was on his team.

Of course, I was hesitant to look at my friends 'cause I knew they were eating this up. I turned around slowly. Just as I suspected, they're all smiling ear to ear.

"Girl I know you don't usually wear makeup but I think you got some blush on your cheek," says Tiffany coming to pinch my face.

"You all get on my nerves," I said as we all started laughing.

Jinel unraveled her lollipop. "I'm going to need for y'all to make it official."

"We will soon enough maybe," I said turning back to watch the game.

"See, I knew you liked him," said Jessie nudging my shoulder.

"Well-"

"Tell the truth!" Tasha says loudly.

"Okay fine I like him!" I said as they all continued smiling.

"We know. We just wanted you to keep it real with yourself," said Shanice.

I shook my head and giggled a bit, as we continued watching the boys play basketball. After what just happened, I'm still in shock. Like Jabari gave me a hug. Me! I bet he gives real soft kisses too. Ooh, let me stop! This moment is probably going to have me floating on cloud nine for the rest of the summer. Oh yeah, I think this summer is going down in the history books.

# 16

### PARTY HOPPING

The first Saturday of our summer, vacation was being spent going to two parties; sounds like a great way to kick off the summer if you ask me. The first party we hit was out Laurel. I guess the benefit of my cousin Shayla living out Laurel was that she was at the party too without me even having to call her. Once we got there and I found her in the crowd, she informed me that this party was off the hook.

"Cousin, what you doing out here?" Shayla asked hugging me.

"Girl, Niecy put us on to this move earlier today."

"Well, let me tell you, this party is poppin' you feel me?"

"Oh, it's like that?"

"Yes! This party is the best one yet at least for the beginning of the summer. Laurel parties aren't the best but this one is changing my opinion. This is great way to kick off the summer."

"Let me see for myself then."

"Alright go 'head but hey remember; _if you put your cup down, never pick it back up. Get a new cup and a new drink!_ " she whispered in my ear.

"I'm hip Shay' don't worry!"

"A'ight cool!"

My grandma told us since we were preteens to never put a cup down at a party and pick it up. When she was a teenager living in DC, her and her friend Elsie went to a party together. Her friend put her drink down and left it unattended for a while before picking the cup back up to drink out of it. While she was away from the cup, someone must've put something in her drink 'cause grandma said Elsie was never the same again.

Her mind was messed up after that and my grandma swears it was from somebody playing in her cup. That's why she was always telling us to get a new cup if we put it down at a party 'cause you just don't know what someone will do to your drink.

Shayla had poured some vodka into her cup that Ant bought; I did the same thing. There was a punch bowl and other alcohol bottles but I didn't trust it. Someone could've laced the punch you just never know.

The punch is red which is normal but unfortunately, you can't tell if something is in it that doesn't belong. Of course, alcohol is probably in there but you never know what else could've dissolved in the punch. Call me paranoid but I rather be paranoid than permanently suffering from brain damage due to a contaminated drink.

I must say this party was live; Shay' was right. I actually didn't expect the party out Laurel to be live like that. I am shocked that the cops didn't show up 'cause people were posted up outside talking loud and what not to top off the loud music blaring from the house party. We stayed for about an hour or two before we headed to the district for our next move.

"You ready to roll?" Shanice asked me screaming in my ears over the music.

"Yeah, let me see if Shay wants to meet us there."

"A'ight, cool."

Shanice waited with the crew while I went to ask Shay if her and her friends wanted to meet us out DC.

"Shay'! You and your friends trying to make a move to a party out DC with us?" I ask her yelling in her ears overtop of the earsplitting music so she could hear me.

"Oh hell yeah. Where's the party at?"

"Northwest; Niecy will text you the address."

"Okay cool. Let me get the crew and we'll meet y'all there."

"A'ight, bet!"

Shayla moved through the crowd to find her friends so she could meet us out DC. I walked back to where Shanice was standing and we all walked out to the car. Luckily, Shay' and her friends were walking out as we were getting in the car.

"Hey Ebbie, tell Niecy to text me!" Shayla said yelling to me as she walked to her friend's car.

"I got you! I'm going to do it now!" Shanice replied to Shayla as she unlocked her phone and sent her the address.

"Got it! See y'all there!" Shayla said after staring at her phone.

"Okay cousin," I said waving at her.

Funny how as we began to pull off, Laurel PD was pulling up to probably break up the party. I could hear the cops yelling as we drove off.

"Damn! Just in time y'all!" says Ant as he looked back at the action taking place.

"I know! Thank God, Shayla and her friends are meeting us at the party out DC. It's no telling what those cops are about to do to everybody who's partying there," I said turning back around in my seat.

The next party we hit was the one out DC the same night. I love going to parties in the district. If you haven't gone to a party in DC, you're missing out for real. As we pulled up in this parking lot off New York Avenue, we noticed a guy who was pointing at a spot for us to park at. What made it even funnier is that I'm pretty sure he doesn't work for the parking lot.

"Y'all can park here but make sure you're out of here by five in the morning," the guy said.

Dude barely had any teeth and was dressed up in a dress shirt and tie. Here's how I knew he was some random dude looking for a quick fix; he told Trevon it was five dollars to park there. Trevon didn't want to break his twenty-dollar bill so instead he offered to give the guy a dime bag instead of five dollars.

"Hey man, I got this dime-bag. How about I give you this and we call it even feel me?" said Trevon.

"Oh yeah we can do that most definitely. Thank you son! Y'all take care!"

Now a normal employee wouldn't dare take weed over money; that's if they care about having a job tomorrow. However once dude got the dime-bag, he took off down the street.

Ant began laughing hard. "Damn, he took off down the road y'all!"

"I think he doesn't work here," says Trevon.

"You think?" said Jinel sarcastically.

"And what was you thinking giving dude a dime-bag? He said five dollars; that means you give him a nickel bag boy!" said Charles.

"Haven't you heard of, "Equal exchange," fool?" added Ant who was still cracking up.

"That's probably why he didn't ask Shayla and them for shit 'cause you gave him ten dollars' worth of weed," says Charles.

"Oh whatever! Hope he enjoys it besides it was either give him something or risk something happening to my car," says Trevon.

"Damn, you right," Charles, said removing his hat to itch his head.

Once we got out the car, we told Shayla and her friends what had happened. Of course, they got a huge laugh out of that. After we shared the laughs, we walked towards the party.

DC never sleeps; the streets were packed and it was ten o'clock at night. You'd think it's four in the afternoon with all this foot traffic we're seeing on our way to the party but then again, it is summer time so it's to be expected.

The party was in Northwest off New Jersey Avenue; this neighborhood is where my grandmother grew up as a child before she moved to 40th street in Southeast where my mama was born. You can hear the music pounding off the colorful row houses on the strip of the avenue.

We got to the front door of the party and walked inside. The house was packed! I was loving the energy I got from this party. Everybody was dancing, laughing, drinking...there was no frowns anywhere. There was an area where you could take photos; I always called them Go-Go pics and everybody who attended a Go-Go wanted to take a picture so they could put it on their MySpace pages.

We pre-gamed on the drinking in the car so we were turned up already. The DJ dropped some Go-Go and just like that the party jumped off even more. Now a fight did break out which we expected but thankfully, it was only one. We were all dancing when all of a sudden we flew against the wall hard like a door slamming. Next thing I knew all I saw were fists flying and dreads spinning.

The fight didn't last too long before other some other guys broke it up. Once the fight stopped, the music resumed and the dancing continued. The one thing I love the most about Go-Go parties is that the music is continuous but if you're trying to hear some regular rap music, go to another party!

The crowd usually doesn't take to a change of genres I mean we came to a Go-Go to hear Go-Go music. The only problem is that there's something about Go-Go music that riles people up; I'll never understand why it riles them up to fight though. I'm just thankful that the one fight that happened didn't stop the party.

The Go-Go band shouted out various hoods during the songs, which made many people in the crowd go crazy. I'm not going to lie, I started dancing with Ant. At first, I was dancing to the beat and he just did like most guys do at parties; he jumped behind me so that I could dance on him. I'm feeling pretty good so I start dancing without giving him any lip about his bullshit. We're all dancing and enjoying the summer breeze that is creeping through the open windows in the house.

It was going on midnight when the band asked us if we wanted to hear more. "Y'all wanna' hear more?"

"Yeah!"

"Alright let's get it!"

The Go-Go band picks up the beat and the crowd gets loose some more. This is how summer is supposed to be. Partying non-stop and having a good time without any drama. I just hope the rest of the parties this summer are just as fun.

# 17

### BREAKING POINT

For an entire week, we were going from one party to the next. By Friday, we were at the party in Hyattsville. It's funny how we expected one fight to shut down the party out DC when that became the case out Hyattsville.

When we pulled up, we must've been too late 'cause the party was already over. People from the party were all outside and one massive fight was taking place in the middle of the street. Commotion and loud arguing echoed off the homes within the neighborhood. All that attention led to PG county police cars pulling up before I knew it.

"Alright everybody; unless you live here, clear out now!" one of the officers said loudly.

"Go home! Don't make us force you out of here!" yelled the other cop as he used his hands to motion the crowd away from the alleged party house.

My first party out Hyattsville ended before I could enjoy it. Guess I can't count Hyattsville as a party I've been to.

"Damn Niecy! We won't take your advice and go to anymore parties out Hyattsville," says Tiffany shaking her head.

"No bullshit!" Jinel said agreeing with Tiffany.

"Not all parties out here are like that! We just managed to roll up on the wrong one tonight," Shanice asserted.

"I hope so," I said as I pulled my hair back.

"So where we headed next?" asked Charles while he was looking for a song to play in the car.

"I don't know. Let's go see what's popping around the way," says Jinel.

"You mean out Silver Spring or here?" Charles asked her.

"Out Silver Spring."

"Alright, let's roll then," says Trevon as he begins to pull off and head back towards Silver Spring.

• • •

Luckily, my mother never grew suspicious of me this entire week. I wasn't asked any questions or looked at funny for once; I couldn't believe it!

"I'll see you later ma'!"

"Where you headed?"

"To Stacy's house tonight with the crew."

"Okay, check in periodically by texting me."

"I will ma'! Love you!" I said kissing her forehead.

"I love you more! Be safe!" she said returning the kiss.

I close the front door and head to the corner to meet my friends. Now of course I told my mom that I was going to another friend's house that she's not too familiar with so I won't get caught up. Everybody has that one friend they use periodically as a decoy when they're trying to make a move in secret and avoid getting caught by their parents. Stacy's parents were never home so we didn't have to worry about anyone bringing, "Where is my child at?" style questions to her house. Stacy's house was usually my decoy at times and especially for tonight.

The party move for tonight was Annapolis. I'm hoping that this party isn't a waste of time because if it is, we all know Jessica is going to sneak in that sucker punch just like she promised to Niecy. We pre-gamed big time before we headed for this party so I was already a little tipsy; it was Niecy's idea.

I guess she figured if Jessica had something to numb her, she'll forget all about punching her if the party sucks. I'm pretty sure however that Jessie will still hit her even if she does it tomorrow. Jessica got a damn good memory and Niecy should know this.

Once we stepped into the party, it was okay at least from where I'm at. Hopefully, it turns up a bit. I bet if it wasn't for the alcohol, this party would've been whack. It's sad how alcohol can get a party started but it does.

However, I must say that the party was starting to not be half as bad as I thought it would've. I mean at least this party didn't get shut down. I had been drinking all night but once we got to Annapolis, I really started showing off especially after an hour and one too many. It's crazy how I'm underage and hit up parties every weekend. By the time I turn twenty-one, I won't even want to party no more and I'll be legally allowed to do it. Sometimes, the same old thing gets old. Patterns and behaviors.

Usually, Tasha be enjoying herself when we're at parties but tonight once we got to the party in Annapolis, it was different. I could feel it in the air; something wasn't right and little did I know it was my behavior. I took a hit of weed and inhaled it so deep. I passed it to Tasha but she put her hand up.

It was weird but I was too messed up to truly pickup on the problem. I mean Tasha never smoked but the only reason she'd ever drink was because of me. Tonight was different. I was all up in guys' faces smiling and actin' crazy. I was stumbling all over the place and just being wild.

I could spot out the side of my eye Tasha's face. She made this face that I swear will stay in the back of my mind forever. She stared at me in disgust. At that point, I would've felt better if that were my mother staring at me like that. My careless attitude and reckless behavior were coming to a head. I think she was starting to lose patience and tired of me taking things too far.

"Why are you looking at me like that?" I asked Tasha confused.

"Why do you keep doing this crap to yourself?"

"Doing what to myself?" I said still not understanding what Tasha is talking about.

"This! This!" Tasha took my half-filled cup and moved it around in between my eye sight; she grabbed the half lit blunt out of my hand and lifted up to my eyes.

"It's cool, everybody said it's cool!" I said in a drunken state.

"Everybody said it's cool? That's how you feel? How everybody else does? I know you're trippin'!" she says angrily.

"It helps me to get through the pain!"

"The pain? When the blunt burns out and the alcohol dissolves, the problem remains Ebony! Besides, what pain could you possibly be feeling that would 'cause you to do all this?"

"You really want to know?"

"What you mean really? Yes, I do or else I wouldn't even bother asking. Why?"

"Fine I'll tell you since it'll make you happy! You want to know why I do this shit. I do it because I enjoy the trouble I get myself into!" I said screaming loudly.

"Ebony," Tasha said rolling her eyes.

"No! Better yet I do it to keep up with the rush I get from participating in all the destructive temptations to be had in the neighborhood!"

"Cut the bullshit! You and I both know the truth so what's up?" she said furiously.

I have never seen Tasha this angry before; I must've truly sent her off the edge this time.

"Girl please!" I said throwing my hand up at her.

"Girl please my ass! Now what's the truth?" she said pushing my hand down forcefully.

"Fine dammit, fine! I do it to keep up with a lifestyle that I've been trying to be down for all these years...been deceiving my own character to earn respect in all the wrong ways. I've been betraying myself just to act out this rebellious persona that I know nothing about! I've been trying to keep up with this masquerade since I was twelve and I'm realizing that I was never cut out for it!"

I walk over to the curb and sit down as I start crying.

"Ebbie," Tasha said changing her angry tone to a more sympathetic one and walking to over to sit next to me on the curb.

"Ever since we were twelve Tash', I earned this reputation of being rebellious. Everybody started to see me act like that and thought it was cool. The more rebellious you are, the more your reputation grows; that's what I wanted. So, I kept on acting up and earning respect. I fed off the attention and craved the respect. People in the neighborhood would be all "she badass for sneaking out, she bold for smoking weed." I live this alter ego knowing in my heart I'm not this person I'm pretending to be. I-"

"Well, you did behave in school kind of...I mean this year at least you behaved. You didn't end up in Mrs. Johnson's office for anything bad."

We both slightly giggle when Tasha says that.

"Yeah I wasn't out of control but my experimenting really got the best of the _real_ me...you know the person who believes in doing right but is easily tempted to do wrong. I just don't know Tash'."

"Ebbie, you got to be true to yourself. At the end of the day, you have to look at yourself in the mirror, not the neighborhood. The last thing you want to do is look at yourself in the mirror and hate your own reflection."

"I know. I'm unsatisfied with my reflection. I keep looking at this girl; it's like a shell...a shell containing the real girl who wants to jump out. The reflection I keep seeing is _not_ me. Still, I find myself at war with this fraudulent shell and my real personality."

"Well, you need to fight harder Ebbie. You're going to end up losing this battle if you don't fight back."

"I'm trying, I'm trying. The only reflection that keeps me satisfied is my writing; I look at my writing as my mirror and I love the reflection of every word I write down."

"That's because you're a great writer just like me. When you going to stop running from your talent and embrace it?"

"I mean-"

"Nope, let me stop you right there. If you don't use your talents, they can easily be taken away. Ebony, writing is going to save you! Don't you get that? This life you're trying to prove your down for is only going to eat you up and spit your ambitions out into pieces. Don't be another lost soul on our block who _use_ to have a dream. I'll always believe in you even when you're too crazy to believe in your damn self but remember; to accomplish a dream, one must have self-faith. Follow your dreams; don't let your dreams follow you. Writing is going to take you places we both never dreamed of but you got to start believing in yourself. Stop thinking you're not as good as me. You have to look past being an "around the way girl" and start focusing on your passion. You want to get out? Use writing as a way out of this alter-ego lifestyle."

"Tash' I-"

"Answer this Ebony; are you a thermostat or a thermometer?"

"What's the difference?" I said looking confused as ever.

"In this situation I'll use our friends. Look at Jinel."

We both glance at Jinel smoking weed and taking Hennessey shots to the head.

"Jinel is a thermometer; our neighborhood is intentionally mixed and I mean mixed in the mind frame. You have overachievers, underachievers, people who possess good intentions and some who crave the bad. Jinel sees the problems of the neighborhood and adapts to it. She doesn't try to change it or search for a way to fight it. She craves it. The girl is obsessed with being an "around the way girl." I can't say that her mentality won't ever change but for now it doesn't look likely. A thermostat however will see what's wrong and try to live above it. Now I'm not saying we're all angels especially when we sin everyday as we allow ourselves to be an accomplice to our own curiosity but it comes a time where you want to change from the normal bad behavior. Ebony, every friend we've had that is heavy on drinking, drugs, even sex has stayed in the same position most of their life. The only thing that changed about them was their age. They didn't even allow themselves to do better. If we have the opportunity to get further than that, why should we allow ourselves to sink instead of swim?"

"Fear...the fear of failing. Once you try something you love and fail at it, you'll sink deeper than you would have by not trying. If you don't put yourself in that position where people are counting on you to be great, you won't have to worry about disappointing anyone."

"But what about yourself Ebony? You can't worry about others. Your dream is your very own; nobody else's. The fear of failing should only exist within you but failing is the step to success. Matter of fact, you shouldn't even be fixated on failing."

"I know," I said looking down.

"But if you do encounter a fall along the road to your success, pick yourself up and keep going."

I looked at Tasha and smiled at her. "I'm sorry I've been putting you in this position to have to watch over me Tasha."

"It's cool Ebbie."

"No, it's not. I know you hate it when I act like this; you just never say anything to me 'cause you're afraid of how I'll react. I deserved this reality check and I'm glad it was you to tell me what was real. It means more to hear it from you than anyone else. No more drinking or smoking for me tonight okay?"

Tasha smiled because she knew she gotten through to me. This probably isn't the way she hoped she'd have to check me but it probably was the only way I'd understand.

"Okay good! I forgive you!"

With those three words, I felt better. I couldn't stand to have Tasha mad at me; it was like a punch in the gut. We just kicked it on the curb for the duration of the party just talking.

Tiffany eventually joined us; I knew she was looking for us. "What y'all doing out here?" she asked.

"We just got tired of the partying; taking a break from tearing up our liver and lungs," I said to Tiffany as she sat down beside us on the curb.

"Me too y'all, me too!" she said pouring what was left of her drink onto the street.

Tiffany, Tasha, and I continued to just chill together like the other partygoers outside and enjoy the beautiful night breeze of Annapolis. The entire week we partied whether it was out Laurel, DC, or Ant's house; it was time for a break.

I guess even constantly partying gets old after a while and I never would've guessed that was possible until I saw the disappointment in my best friend's eyes. I hope I remember the look of distress that sat inside of Tasha's pupils whenever I start to get out of hand with partying again.

# 18

### CHANGING FOR THE BETTER?

The sun creeps through my window as I fix my hair in the mirror; I put my hair into a bun and slipped on my sneakers. I got in the house at seven this morning and went back to sleep. Luckily, mama didn't ask me any questions.

I walk through the living room past Tati, Shannon, and Amir who are sitting on the floor practically glued to the television; I can hear Marcus trying to act like he has game as he's talking to some girl on the phone in the kitchen.

I open the front door and stand outside on the porch as the screen door closes behind me; I stand there for a minute grasping the cool breeze.

My head is still spinning; I woke up with a hangover but that was to be expected. I drank way too much last night. I'm thankful I didn't get alcohol poisoning. Still, it's funny how I was so drunk the night before and yet all I can remember was the conversation Tasha and I had. I'm supposed to meet up with her in a few minutes.

I almost wondered if I meant what I said last night but then I remembered what my grandma always said; kids and drunk people always tell the truth. I guess we'll see if what I said will measure through my actions.

Just as I begin to take a few steps off my front porch, I hear Anthony calling my name. "Aye Ebz'!" he says getting out of his car.

"Hey Ant what's up with you?"

"Shit nothin', straight chillin'. What you about to get into?"

"Shoot maybe go downtown or something just waiting on Tasha."

"True. You still got a hangover?" he said laughing.

"Ha-ha yeah but it's nothing I can't handle you feel me?"

"Yeah I feel you. You were taking endless shots to the head of that Hennessey and gulping down all that light liquor and you not even twenty-one. You wild!"

"I'm not new to this; I'm true to this you know?"

"Oh I'm hip!"

"So what's up? What you about do?"

"Smoke, you know the usual."

I rolled my eyes laughing. "True."

"I got a blunt so what's up? Let's go smoke."

"Okay, let's roll. Let me go find Tasha first," I said looking around to see if I spotted her walking towards my house.

"You mean your bodyguard?" he says making hand quotations.

"Smartass! No my best friend!" I said sassily.

"But she's always saving your ass. It's like her sole role is to make sure you don't get in way over your head."

Once Ant said that, I immediately paused. What am I doing? This was just brought to my attention last night. I'm using my best friend as a savior; that's not what God placed her on this Earth to do. She deserves to be treated like a friend every day not some associate. She and I are going to hang out more like we do when I'm not trying to prove my loyalty to being rebellious.

Just then, Tasha came up to me and Ant to see what we're about to do. She's looking at me like she knows we're about to get into some stuff we have no business being in; you know, the usual.

"So we going to Ant's?" she asked.

"No, we're going downtown to hang out," I said shaking my head no.

Tasha's face lit up so big. She hated the things I did sometimes and even though she never would tell me right away, her face would say it all. Today, I want her face to show sincere happiness rather than extreme disgust.

"Hey Ant, I'll catch up to you later or something."

"Okay, bye Ebz'. See you Tash'."

"Bye Ant," says Tasha.

Ant walked back to his car. I know he was hoping for something to go down; he'll probably text me something wild later but I don't care. For once, I turned down the temptation of having non-relational sex with him. Wait a minute, did I just say non-relational?

Wow, even my vocabulary is enhancing. Damn, I really am changing. Tasha turned to me to figure out what our next move for the day was going to be now that Ant is leaving. I guess she's shocked that I turned him down; I usually don't and bring her along for the ride.

"So, what made you change your mind?"

"You," I said to her as I watched Ant start his ignition and begin to drive off.

"Me?" she asked completely surprised.

"Yes you!" I said giggling.

"But why me?"

"Tasha, you've been saving my ass since day one. I'm tired of always putting you in that position. Plus, after last night I really got to thinking."

"Thinking about what?"

"About everything we talked about. It's time to start doing better; you know making better choices."

"Well, I'm happy to hear that our conversation really stuck with you."

"Yeah me too."

"But I didn't mind looking out for you Ebony."

"I know but Tasha you're much more than some watch guard. I truly don't know where I'd be without you."

"I do; probably locked up or strung out over sex, drugs, and liquor."

"Well damn, I wasn't going to go there but thanks for the summary!" I said sarcastically as we both laugh.

"You know I'm only playing girl but for real Ebony you would be messed up."

"I know boo, I know."

"I'm proud of you though," she said smiling.

"Really? For what?"

"You're not running from the real person that's inside of you anymore. You're now starting to show people the, "Ebony," I see behind closed doors."

I hugged Tasha so tightly. "The person I've always been all along continues to haunt me whenever I do something wrong."

"That's because you were never that person."

"I know."

"You better!" she said gently shoving me.

"I do! Hey, let's go to the platform."

"Let's hit it!" she said clapping her hands.

"Cool but first let me go grab my notebook."

"Okay me too."

Tasha and I walk into my house to grab my notebook from off of my dresser. I grab a pen from my backpack and we head back outside to go to her house to grab her notebook. Once we enter her room and she grabs her notebook from off of her desk, we head back outside to catch the Ride On bus at the corner to go downtown with our notebooks in our hands.

We put a dollar and seventy-five cents each into the bus cash box and move to the middle of the bus. The bus slowly begins to pull off and head towards Wayne Avenue. The bus turns onto Colesville Road and keeps going with the flow of traffic. As soon as we pass by Dale Drive, I can see the sky tall buildings from the bus window; I am honestly in love with downtown. All the people walking through the street, entertainment usually on the corner of Ellsworth and Fenton across from the Majestic Movie Theater, and Silver Spring mall.

Tasha looks up at the Discovery Communications building in awe. "I would kill to own a building that big that can be seen from far away."

"Girl we will! E&T Productions; we'll own that building if not one better!" I said as she turned away from the window smiling at me.

"Damn right we will!" she said as we did our handshake.

We eventually get off the bus on Fenton and continue walking up the street laughing and talking as we head to our second favorite hangout; the platform. We could've got off at a closer stop but Tasha and I enjoy walking through downtown.

We crossed Georgia Avenue and walked on Wayne Avenue taking our usual cut to get to the metro easier. We hang out at the Silver Spring metro platform all the time to write; it's the perfect spot for real. Once we scanned our SmarTrip cards, we headed up the escalator to the platform. We walked towards the bench and sat down as a train headed for Farragut North was pulling off.

"Ready to write?" Tasha asked me smiling.

"I'm ready best friend," I replied smiling along with her.

"Let's do it!" she said opening her notebook.

We both began writing and talking in between our thoughts. As the sun shines brighter, my happiness grows stronger. I wouldn't trade this moment with Tasha at all to be with Ant. This moment right here with Tasha is more meaningful than having "no strings attached" relations with him. Glad I'm smart enough to remember that "sisters come before misters."

# 19

### BEAUTY SALON BONANZA

The fourth of July passed by quickly and it was almost August. Tasha and I decided to see what Tiffany was up to since Jessica went out of town, Shanice is visiting her family in Florida, and Jinel is at her grandmother's house in Virginia for the week.

I walked into the salon with Tasha looking for Tiffany. Her mom Ms. Stephanie owns a hair salon on Piney Branch Road; _Hairstyles & Images_. Tiffany helps out around here a lot probably because her mom owns the shop which only makes sense. She usually has Tiffany working in there with her like sweeping, answering the phone, making appointments for her, and just observing her at work.

Lately, she's been giving Tiffany the full hairstyling 411. She has Tiffany to watch her as she's styling her clients' hair because Tiffany loves to do hair. Hopefully, Tiffany takes notes so she can be a beautician and hold on to her mom's legacy because Ms. Stephanie is a damn good hairdresser! Shoot, Ms. Stephanie does my hair when I come in the shop; at least until Tiffany gets the license to do it here. Until then, Tiffany does my hair at her house or my house.

Of course, Tiffany's little sister and brother were running through Ms. Stephanie's salon. You had better believe she screamed at them and in Spanish too! We heard it all before we got inside.

"Inez and Rico, stop running through my damn shop! ¿Han perdido la cabeza?"

"Sorry ma'. Inez started it!" Rico said lightly shoving Inez.

"Shut up! No I didn't!" she says shoving him back a bit harder.

"Hey! You two are not going to drive me crazy today! Either go to the park and play or sit down quietly!" Ms. Stephanie says harshly.

Tiffany was giggling at them getting in trouble and Rico couldn't resist saying something to her. "What you laughing at girl?"

"Rico, you don't want it!" Tiffany says looking down still giggling a little as she kept sweeping piles of hair from off of the salon floor.

"You don't know what I want! I'll beat you up!"

"Shut up!" Inez says jumping in to save him from getting a 'Tiffany style' beat down and trust me I've seen her drag him around a few times. He knows he doesn't want any trouble with her.

However, Rico enjoys trying to act tough so you can't tell him nothing! "You shut up! I'll slap you too girl!" Rico says slightly bucking at Inez.

I knew once he did that, he was going to get into trouble. Ms. Stephanie did not play and she damn sure didn't tolerate a boy putting his hands on a girl. She turned her salon chair with her client in it towards Rico's direction.

"Rico! What did I just say? ¡Vas a hacer que te haga daño, hijito! If you ever put your hand on any girl let alone your sisters, I will knock your ass out! _¿Entender?_ " she said with her hands on her hip.

"Sí _mommy_. My bad dang!"

"Watch it! ¡Ese chico me está poniendo a prueba!"

Yeah, Rico was a smart ass little boy. He's only a fifth grader but tries to act way older than he is. Inez usually beats him down if Ms. Stephanie isn't around. I swear Rico and Inez remind me so much of Shannon and Amir; they aren't living right if they're not bothering each other.

Just then, Tiffany spots us walking in past Rico and Inez. "Ebbie! Tash'! What's good y'all?"

"Hey Tiff!" says Tasha.

"Hey Tiff! We looking for you girl," I say as we walked over to give her a hug.

"You know I got to help my mom out occasionally."

"You mean whenever I tell you to. Hey ladies! You better give me a hug!" Ms. Stephanie says as we come over to her salon chair to give her a hug.

"Hey Mama Stephanie!" I said.

"Hi Mama Stephanie!" said Tasha.

We each give her a big hug as Tiffany stands there smiling with the broom in her hand. Ms. Stephanie was the coolest lady ever and definitely funny as hell!

"How you ladies doing?" she asks picking up a comb.

"Good and you?" said Tasha.

"Doing fine, how about you?" I said smiling hard.

"Oh ladies you know me, hanging in there as usual."

"I know the feeling!" I said pulling my necklace straight.

The music was always loud in here; you could hear the salsa music playing out in the parking lot. Tiffany was complaining to her cousin Alex, who is a barber, to give it a rest.

"Alex!"

"What?" says Alex still dancing to the music as his client gets into his salon chair.

"Alex!" she shouts again.

"What?"

"Would you give the salsa music a rest and turn on 93.9 or 95.5?"

"Why? You love this music!"

"Yeah but you've been blasting it since ten o'clock this morning. It's now four o'clock in the afternoon! _¡Dale un descanso chico!_ "

"Come on, this music is fresh! ¡Bajar con el bajar chica!"

I walked in the midst of their debate to start dancing a little bit. Salsa music is very catchy and addictive; who couldn't dance to this music?

"Ebony likes this music don't you Ebony?" said Alex.

"Yes, most definitely!"

I start dancing with Alex while Tasha and Tiffany cheer me on. "You better do that! Show out baby!" says Tasha loudly.

Tiffany chimes in as well. "Okay Ebbie! Show him what it is!"

"Whatever! I can dance better than the both of them!" says Rico arrogantly.

"Don't sing it, bring it!" Tiffany responds.

"Fine!"

Rico gets up and joins us in the middle of the shop. He begins dancing but not without Inez jumping in to show him out.

"Rico, you not better than me!" she says putting her hand up at him.

"Okay, what's up then?"

"Just watch!"

Inez started breaking it down! She was serving Rico breakfast, lunch, and dinner! Tiffany put the broom against the wall. She and Tasha joined in as well; it seemed like the entire shop was dancing. It's moments like this that you wish could never end. We kept dancing until the song ended. Once it did, the whole salon cheered us on and Alex gave me a high five.

"Alright Ebony! You should become a salsa dancer."

"Ha, maybe I should."

"Girl bye!" says Tasha laughing.

"Y'all wild! So what's good with y'all? What y'all up to?" Tiffany asks resuming her sweeping duties.

"Shoot, looking for you," says Tasha.

"Yeah. Tryna' see if you trying to hang out?" I said.

"Oh you know it! Ma' I think my sisters have come to whisk me off!" Tiffany says loudly over the music playing.

"Hmm I bet. Lucky for you, I like your sisters a lot so I'm going to allow them to whisk you off," she said smirking at Tiffany and us.

"Yay! Thanks mommy!" Tiffany says kissing her mom on the cheek.

"Yeah, yeah. Uh-uh, hey! Where you think you're going?" she says stopping what she's doing to divert her attention to Tiffany.

"You just said I can go with Ebbie and Tash'-"

"Yes, I did but you're not done sweeping. What have I told you about leaving a job unfinished? We finish things around here _chica_ , you know better! Your grandmother would have a fit."

"Yes, ma'am. My bad."

"Don't worry boo, we're not going anywhere," says Tasha promisingly.

"No doubt; we're going to wait right here for you. Besides, I like hanging in the shop. The atmosphere is everything!" I said dancing to the next salsa song on Alex's salsa music station.

"Right! The best conversations happen right here in the shop!" added Tasha.

"Aw...y'all are the best! I'll be quick, this won't take long," Tiffany said running to sweep faster.

"See, you have great friends...I mean _sisters_ who want you to finish your job. You ladies must come over for dinner soon."

"What's on the menu mommy?" Tasha asked Ms. Stephanie.

"Well, my famous Spaghetti a la Dominica-"

"A la Dominica? What's that?" Tasha asked curiously.

"It's spaghetti cooked with milk, salami, garlic, peppers, onions, olives, oregano, and of course spaghetti sauce," says Tiffany as she dumps the swept up hair in the dust pan into the trash.

"Milk in spaghetti though?" I asked.

Tiffany laughed at my facial expression. "I'm trying to tell you, its bomb boo! Plus, my mom makes the best so you'll love it!"

I've had Ms. Stephanie's food before so I know she's a good cook. I never had her spaghetti but I'll take Tiffany's word for it since she swears it's the _bomb_.

"Cool just never thought of milk and spaghetti mixing."

"I know it sounds weird but once you try it, you'll love it!" added Ms. Stephanie.

"Sounds good. I can't wait to try it!" Tasha said.

"Anything else on the menu?" I asked because I know Ms. Stephanie always cooks more than necessary.

"Why of course! Red beans and rice-"

She didn't even have to tell me the rest; she had me at red beans and rice. "Yes! I'm there!"

"Dang sis! She didn't even tell you the whole menu!" Tiffany said laughing.

"She had me at red beans and rice! Enough said!"

Tasha bursts out laughing and shakes her head. "Girl! You and them red beans and rice!"

"I can't help it. It's bomb!"

Once Tiffany puts the broom and pan in the corner against the wall, she walks back over to us ready to roll. "Okay guys, I'm ready!"

"You sure you're done?" Ms. Stephanie asks without turning to look at Tiffany.

"Yes, mommy!"

"Okay, I'll take your word for it! If you missed a spot, I promise my foot won't miss your-"

Tiffany cuts her off. "Ugh! Okay mommy, I promise I didn't!"

"Alright. You ladies have fun, be safe, and stay the hell out of trouble 'cause I know where you live especially you Miss. Thang!" says Ms. Stephanie pointing at Tiffany.

"Ha-ha yes ma'am!" I said giggling.

"You got it Mama Stephanie!" said Tasha.

"We're hip ma'!" says Tiffany shaking her head at her mom.

"Good you better be! Bye ladies!"

We all said bye and we headed out of the salon as Ms. Stephanie called over her next client to her styling chair.

"Come on Delores, let me wash that hair!"

# 20

### FIRST DAY OF SENIOR YEAR

The first day of school is the day kids dread and parents are excited to see come. Maybe that's why I use to dread the Fourth of July; Grandma always says that after Independence Day, school was right around the corner. Even though Montgomery County schools start the last week of August, I always could feel the summer going faster after the fourth. This school year was a bittersweet one because it was my senior year.

The first day was usually always stressful for my mother. She usually always takes the day off 'cause by the time she woke up five kids, she was too tired to go in to work. With Marcus away at Hampton, that meant she only had to wake up four kids; that's still a task within itself. It was the hardest task to wake everyone up 'cause clearly nobody wanted to go to school not even Tatiana.

However, if you were Amir, you always tried to fake like you were sick; it never worked though. "Amir, get up!" my mom said screaming.

"Ma', I feel sick today!" he responded as he held his stomach moaning.

"Boy, you aren't sick! Stop faking and get yourself ready for school because you _are_ going!"

"Man!"

"Man nothing!" she said as he let go of his stomach and walked to the bathroom.

See, I told you homeboy wasn't sick. He fakes like he's sick every time it's the first day and has been doing it since the second grade. By now, he should know my mom is hip to his foolish game.

"Oh, you're up already!" my mom said surprised as she opened my bedroom door.

"Yeah, I've been up and ready for almost an hour. I never sleep right for the first day anyway," I said putting on my earrings.

I could never sleep the night before the first day of school and I could never understand why. I mean, I damn sure wasn't excited to go back so it never made sense to me.

"That's because you're excited for the first day especially for the first day of your last year," she says rubbing my shoulders.

"No, I'm never excited to go back to school."

"But you're a senior! It's your last year baby."

"Yeah, you're right! I only have four classes this year and I get to get out early. I guess I'm overly excited."

"See, I knew you were baby. I'm so proud of you!" she said kissing my forehead.

"Thanks ma'," I said smiling at her as I placed the backing on my earring and starred at her from my dresser mirror.

"You're welcome baby. Keep making me proud."

"Yes ma'am."

"Mommy!" yells Shannon from the other room.

"If only your brother and sisters could be ready like you without me having to threaten the hell out of them."

"They will soon; maybe not Amir but Shannon and Tati will," I said laughing.

"I hope so. Amir is going to give me the first day blues until he goes to college. I'll pray your sisters are better."

"Mommy!" Shannon yells again.

"Well at least Tati," my mom said walking out of my room to figure out Shannon's problem.

I shook my head and giggled. I woke up; well I didn't feel like I slept so I got up this morning feeling different. I think it's my mind-frame; I feel more focused but I don't know what I'm focused on. Guess I'll find out soon enough.

"Breakfast is ready!" my mom yelled out to us all.

My mom drained the bacon as we all headed to the kitchen to eat.

"How do I look?" asked Shannon as she came to the kitchen entryway twirling around in her yellow ruffle shirt and denim skirt.

"You look cute baby!" my mom said as she turned around to look at Shannon.

"Someone's ready for eighth grade I see?" I said taking a seat at the table.

"I mean I hate to see the summer end but I am ready. You know, eighth graders run the school!"

"Said who?" adds Amir walking into the kitchen behind Tatiana.

"Says everybody that's who!" Shannon replied.

"That's what you think!"

"That's what I know!"

"Hey! Are you two ever going to give it a rest? It's too early!" my mom said as she began placing the food on the table.

My dad walked into the kitchen to join us. "Good morning! Good morning!" my dad says as he kisses us on the forehead, slaps Amir a high five, and of course giving my mom a kiss on the lips.

"Good morning daddy!" said Tatiana.

"Good morning dad!" said Amir.

"Morning daddy!" said Shannon who was reaching for the bacon.

"Good morning daddy!" I said smiling at him as I put eggs on my plate.

I was so happy that mom and dad were working things out. We're stronger together. Besides, all the chaos in this house can only be managed with the two of them side by side. He took the day off too.

"I got two seniors in the house!" he said referring to Shannon and me.

Shannon and I smiled because we were excited to be seniors. A middle school senior and a high school senior.

"I'm going to fourth grade daddy!" said Tatiana.

"I know! My little princess is growing up," he said placing tons of smooches on her cheek as she giggled loudly.

"I'm a freshman ready for action!" added Amir snickering.

"You better be ready to focus on school little boy!" said my mother.

"I'm not a little boy anymore mama."

"Yes the hell you are! You'll always be little to me and don't you ever forget it!"

"Yes ma'am," he said taking a slice of toast off the plate in the middle of the table.

We began eating as my mom and dad joined us at the table. Once Amir and I finished eating, we got up to place our plates in the sink.

"You two have a wonderful day at school," my mom said hugging us both and placing a kiss on both of our heads.

"I will!" I said.

"Me too!" said Amir who was trying to duck a kiss from my mom.

"Boy don't be acting embarrassed for me to kiss you!" my mom said kissing him again.

"I'm not!"

"So why you backing up?"

"I'm not ma'!"

"Okay," she said kissing him again.

We said bye to my dad, sisters, and my mom again before we walked off the porch. Amir and I headed for the bus stop where our friends were waiting for us.

Once I spotted them, I began yelling in excitement. "First day of senior year baby!" I said.

"Yes girl! Let's get it!" said Tiffany hugging me.

"We rule the school y'all!" said Jinel throwing her hands up dancing to her own beat.

"Damn right! I'm ready!" added Shanice.

"Y'all think you own the school when it's really us!" said Amir.

We giggled at his stupidity. "Boy, you're fresh meat! You don't run nothing!" I said to him.

"Yeah whatever just watch!"

"If you say so!"

"What's your schedule looking like best friend?" Tasha asked me pulling out her schedule.

"I got four classes thank the Lord! Let me show y'all." I said as we each compared our schedules.

"Hey! You, Tasha and I have math again together!" says Shanice.

"Yes!" said Tasha.

"We have English together Ebbie!" said Tiffany.

"Yay!" I said excitedly.

We continued comparing our schedules until the bus pulled up in front of Blair. We got off the bus and headed through the doors to knock out this last year of high school. We headed for our homeroom classes so they could assign us a locker _if_ we wanted to use one. I got my locker combination and headed for my first class, which was art.

"Welcome to Art 101 students. I am passing out a checklist of what you'll need to be successful in this class," says Ms. Lovings.

She handed out the checklist and we talked about what was to be expected in the course. By the end of the class, we went around the room telling the class a little bit about ourselves.

"My name is Ebony Thompson and I'm a senior. My favorite color is red, I love to write, and fashion is my form of art."

"That's good Ebony; I can tell fashion is a huge part of your life by your clothing. Thank you for sharing," Ms. Lovings said smiling at me.

The bell rang and our only homework was to be prepared by Wednesday.

"Please have all of your art materials by Wednesday so we can start our first assignment!" says Ms. Lovings loudly overtop of all the noise we're making as we all head out of the classroom.

I had math second period. Thankfully, Shanice and Tasha had class with me again just like last year. This math class was a lot easier than geometry, well at least in my opinion. It was a math course to keep you up-to-date with math especially if you're going off to college. I'll take that any day over any class that ends with, "Ometry."

"Everyone take a seat please. I will take attendance and then hand out the course syllabus for the year," says Mrs. Hopkins as she walked toward her desk to grab her attendance folder.

Mrs. Hopkins was a skinny lady, black with a short haircut and looked really young. She looks almost as old as us and she had a pleasant demeanor. I think I'm going to enjoy having her as a teacher.

She called roll. Once she got to my name, she looked at me smiling as if she already knew me. "Ebony Thompson?"

"Here!" I said raising my hand up with my feather pen hanging out of it.

"How are you?" she asked smiling.

"I'm good, yourself?"

"I'm wonderful thank you!"

She smiled harder and went back to call the last few names. Maybe she's seen me around before, I don't know. Once she was done, she gave out the course syllabus and did a brainteaser to get to know us. Class was coming to an end and we wrapped up our game we were playing.

"Okay, class is over; no homework! Enjoy the rest of your first day!" she said as we exclaimed in excitement for not having homework on the first day.

Trust me; some of these teachers are ruthless. They'll assign homework on the first day! I'm just glad I'm not running into that issue; well at least not yet.

"Enjoy the rest of your day Ebony," she said smiling at me.

"You do the same Mrs. Hopkins," I said returning the smile as I headed out of class with Tasha and Shanice.

"Damn, I think she must've heard about you or something?" said Shanice giggling.

"I know! It's kind of weird but nice. She seems like a cool teacher," I said.

"Yeah she does. Maybe she knows your reputation around the way?" she said.

"Whatever! I doubt that very seriously."

"Maybe it's your bright ass clothes!" said Tasha as her and Shanice fell out laughing.

"Ugh anyways!" I said joining the laughter.

My outfit for the first day was a bright colored shirt with colorful geometric shapes on it and a ruffled green skirt; a gold chain necklace, gold bangles, and colorful drop earrings to match my shirt. What? I can't help it! I love bright colors and wearing things, no one would dare to try.

Word of advice; if you're not wearing jewelry, you're pretty much naked. I can't leave the house without earrings on. Like I said, I feel naked. I remember when I went to school one time and forgot my earrings; I almost had a heart attack! Thank God, Tiffany keeps spare earrings in her purse otherwise I would've felt naked all day! It was funny 'cause even when I put on Tiffany's earrings, I could not stop thinking about how I screwed up and forgot to put my earrings on that morning. I was sick that day but all I cared about was why I forgot my earrings. Yeah, I'm a mess I know.

"Look at your outfit? Girl, they should hire you to be Skittles mascot!" said Tasha laughing.

"Well, that is my nickname that Melissa gave me."

"You wear it well! That's probably why it seems like Mrs. Hopkins knows you. Your bright ass clothing stands out from the rest of the class," says Shanice.

"You might be right," I said as we headed for our third period classes.

English was my third period class with Tiffany. Tiffany patted at the desk beside her once I walked into class. I smiled and took the seat next to her.

"Hey boo!"

"Hey girl!" I said as we wiggled our fingers together; it was one of our handshakes.

"Good morning class!" said Mr. Graham.

"Good morning!" we all said.

"So today we're just going to have some fun and get to know everyone."

Our teacher Mr. Graham was nice and very laid back. Like math class, we did an exercise to get to know everyone. He told us about himself and we just talked the whole time. Once we finished up getting to know everyone, class was over and again we had no homework.

"No homework! See you tomorrow!" said Mr. Graham as the entire class was cheering.

I'm loving the first day! I just wish I had classes with all of my girls but it's cool. When we see each other in the hall, we always give hugs.

Fourth period was really two classes instead of one; there was A day and B day. You'd have one course for each day. On A days, my fourth period class was creative writing; on B days, I had journalism for my fourth period class. Since today is A day, I don't go to my journalism class until tomorrow; I have both of these classes with Tasha. After taking a seat beside Tasha in creative writing, I already know I'm at home. My teacher, Mr. Gibson was cool. He told us that our first assignment was to write whatever was on our mind. That's not even homework in my opinion; I do that every day!

As the fourth period bell came to an end, I was done with school for the day. When you're done with classes before the end of the school day, you have to sign yourself out at the office.

Since my friends and I don't have a car, we have to walk home which is cool with me. It beats staying in school all day. The crew was waiting on Tasha and I to sign out; we were the last ones to the office. Once we signed out, we headed for home. I think I'm going to enjoy learning more now that I don't have to be in school all day.

# 21

### PHONE CALL HOME

School has been in session for two weeks now. I have been a little more focused. Well actually, math may be the one subject I have been less focused on since the first day but I've been straight with everything else.

I had a method for avoiding answering questions in math class; get the answer to one of the problems from Shanice who knows the answer. Once you get the answer, raise your hand; that'll make your teacher think you know the answer and will probably choose you to answer it.

Then you figure the answer to one more question so that when you raise your hand again, she'll realize that you are somewhat familiar with the material even if you honestly have no clue and call on someone else to give another person a chance to answer it. Your teacher won't bother you for the rest of the class since you showed her you are trying and you might know the answers.

Now don't try this and think that it's going to work 'cause it just might not work like you hope it will. I was just fortunate enough to get away with this a few times.

However, I think the jig is up and Mrs. Hopkins is on to me 'cause I don't know the answer and Shanice isn't around to be of any assistance. Yup, she's on to me because she asks me what the answer to the question is. Dammit!

"Ebony, what's the answer to question sixteen?"

"Um. I'm not sure."

"How about just giving it try?"

"Is it x equals 24?"

"No but you're close. Anybody else know the answer?" she said looking around the classroom.

I damn sure just guessed on it and I know she knows I did. Hell that was all the confirmation she probably needed right there. I hate being put on the spot like that especially when I don't know the answer. For some reason, I feel like Mrs. Hopkins is going to call my mom. I know it sounds like paranoia but if you just got caught slippin' like that in class and failed to turn in like two assignments, you'd be just as paranoid.

Once I get home from school and step in the house, my mother blocks my path as I was headed to my room. What did I do now? Oh shit, probably math class trouble I'll bet then again I know it's my math class 'cause it can't be anything else. See I knew I wasn't paranoid for no reason.

"Hi mommy!" I said smiling.

However, my mom was definitely _not_ smiling. "Hi."

"Is something wrong?" I said losing my smile.

"I should be asking you that. Take a seat on the couch."

"Okay," I said suspiciously.

I walk towards the couch and sit down. I feel like I'm on a rollercoaster; you know when the rollercoaster ride goes rushing down the hill and it feels like your stomach beats your body to the ground before the cart you're in gets down there? Yeah, that's what I'm feeling right now. I hate not knowing what I did wrong although I probably know what I did.

"Ma', what's wrong?" I asked.

"I got a phone call from your teacher today," she said with her arms folded.

"Okay, what teacher?"

"Mrs. Hopkins, you know your math teacher?"

"And-"

"First off, let me remind you to remember who in the hell your talking to before I slap your face off! Watch your mouth!"

"I didn't even say anything-"

"What did I say?"

I exhale and glance at the wall before looking back up at my angry mother. I know I love to have the last word but I keep forgetting that trying my mother isn't a winning battle.

"Mrs. Hopkins said that you haven't been turning in your homework and you bet' not say it isn't true or else I'm going to-"

"Okay, okay. It's true."

"You've only been in school for two weeks! Why in the hell aren't you doing your homework Ebony? Have you lost your mind?"

"I've been busy-"

When I say busy, I mean Shanice hasn't been in class to help me so I don't know what I'm doing to feel confident enough to turn in my non-understandable homework. Plus, I've been hanging out enjoying the weather before it gets cold; math homework is a distraction. However, it would be a dumb idea to tell that to my mother.

"Excuse me?" she said unfolding her arms and standing there defensively with her hands on her hips.

"I mean I haven't had a chance to get around to it," I said hesitantly.

"And why is that?"

I couldn't tell her the real reason. "I-"

"Let me guess, going out with your friends keeps you busy?"

"No."

"No?" my mother says loudly.

"No!" I repeated to her.

"I don't know what's gotten into you lately but I am getting sick and tired of your mess Ebony! You keep saying you'll do better, you'll change but you continue to do the same damn thing! If you think, you're going to act the way you did in ninth, tenth, and eleventh grade, you have another thing coming! I'm not going through this again and I mean it! When are you going to stop giving me the blues?"

"I'm not trying to give you the blues!"

"Well, excuse me 'cause I would've never noticed that you weren't trying to!"

"Well," I said.

"You're supposed to be taking your senior year seriously!"

"I know ma'!"

"You've only been in school for two weeks and yet you're already in trouble for ditching homework assignments?"

"It was only two!"

"Two? Ebony it shouldn't be any!"

"I know-"

"Clearly you don't! Don't start screwing up! You're supposed to make me proud. Don't back track! This is your last year so make it count! You're trying to get into college!"

"Yes ma'-"

Just as my mom was about to say something else, my phone started ringing; bad timing! Shit! I knew she was going to take it this time I just knew it!

"Give me your phone!"

"But ma'?"

"But nothing! The problem is I've been playing with you too damn much and now I've had enough!"

I hand my mother my cell phone slowly. She snatches it and turns it off. "You'll get it back once you start putting your head in the books and start turning in all your assignments. Do you understand me?"

"Yes," I said looking away.

"Yes, what?"

"Yes, ma'am!" I said turning to look her in the eyes.

"Good now go do your homework and I want to see it when you're done!"

"Okay."

• • •

The next day as I walk to class, Shanice decides to show up but of course, not without getting a talk from Mrs. Hopkins in the hallway. I should kill Shanice! I haven't been able to really do my homework 'cause she's been skipping class. I mean yeah Tasha tried it but I did and just couldn't get it. I didn't want to turn it in 'cause I knew it was wrong.

Secretly, I think I'm a perfectionist. I sit in my math class the whole time pissed off that Mrs. Hopkins called my mother and snitched on me not giving her my homework. I mean what's the point? Why turn in something you know will be wrong? Besides, I have better things to concern myself with.

We finished our assigned classwork and the bell rings. We turned in our assignments and headed for our next class; well at least everyone else did. Mrs. Hopkins stopped me at the door. She wanted to talk to me. Ugh here we go!

"Ebony, may I talk to you for a minute?"

"I'm going to be late to third period," I said hastily.

"It's okay; I'll write you a late pass."

"Okay," I said as I walk towards her desk while Shanice and Tasha look back at me.

"Good luck," says Shanice.

"See you at lunch boo," says Tasha staring at Mrs. Hopkins as they both walk out the classroom slowly.

"Alright y'all!" I said turning back to Mrs. Hopkins.

"Ebony, I called your mom last night".

"Trust me, I know!" I said coldly.

"Well, I didn't do it to get you into trouble."

"Which I did get into but if that's not why, then what's the reason?" I said trying to speed this thing up.

"I did it because you have more potential than you're allowing yourself to show. I just thought you needed to be reminded by someone else other than me."

"Why do you think that?" I said curiously.

"Because I'm just your teacher and many students rather hear that from someone like their parents rather than a teacher."

"Okay."

"Ebony, what I'm trying to say is that you're not stupid; you just do stupid stuff."

"Ugh Mrs. Hopkins you're starting to sound like my mother."

"Then obviously there's a problem, don't you think?"

"No," I said looking away from her.

"Oh really? You honestly believe that?" Mrs. Hopkins says as if she can see right through my bullshit. Then again, I know she can 'cause if she couldn't, this conversation wouldn't even be happening right now.

"Yep!" I said still trying to play dumb.

Mrs. Hopkins stared at me in total disbelief; again, she can see right through what I'm pretending to be so I need to quit. "Do you care about your future?"

"Yes, I do."

"Doesn't seem like it."

"Why you say that?" I asked.

"Well for starters, your actions and associations."

"What do I do that's so bad?"

"You're wasting your potential."

"How?" I said somewhat defensively.

"Ebony, lately you haven't been turning in your math homework."

"I forget it at home sometimes!"

"You used to turn it in even if you didn't know the answers and now you aren't even turning it in at all. Why is that?"

"I get busy sometimes."

"Doing what? Other homework?"

I get quiet and look down as Mrs. Hopkins waits patiently for my answer. "No."

"Hanging out with your buddies around the neighborhood instead?"

For a moment, I say nothing and keep looking everywhere, but into Mrs. Hopkins eyes. "You don't know what you're talking about!" I said oversensitively.

"Oh I don't?" she said folding her arms.

"No!"

"Do you consider yourself a role model?"

"Nah; I'm just a person constantly screwing up while finding my way through my own curiosity. Do you see me as a role model?"

"Actually, I do. You remind me so much of myself when I was your age," she said giggling.

"Oh yeah? How?"

"You're willing to trade in your talents that are destined to stay with you until death to prove something to people who are probably only temporary for the moment just like I did."

I got quiet again as she continued. "Ebony, where do you see yourself in the next fifteen to twenty years?"

"Living in North Carolina or Georgia maybe even Florida just writing. Writing stories, movie scripts, maybe even owning my own production company," I said confidently.

"You have really big dreams."

"Well, Mrs. Hopkins what will you accomplish if you don't dream big?"

Mrs. Hopkins began to smile hard and nodded her head slowly. "Well said Miss. Thompson, well said and there's my point."

"What point?"

"You're smart and you have a plan unlike most. I just want to see you go far 'cause the potential is there but you have to start getting serious. That means turn in _all_ of your assignments; we'll work on what you don't know later but at least try. There is nothing worse than wasted potential."

"Yes ma'am".

"Okay?" she asked.

"Okay," I said smiling softly.

I walked away smiling and nodding but not without asking Mrs. Hopkins one last question. "May I ask you something Mrs. Hopkins?" I said turning around to look at her.

"Ask me anything sweetheart."

"What is your passion?"

She smiled and looked at me. "Drawing."

"So why are you teaching? Why don't you still draw?"

She stood up and walked towards me. "Let's just say I didn't have many people encouraging me to follow my dreams like you do nor did I push myself hard enough."

"You shouldn't stop though; do it 'cause you love it! Please?"

"Okay how about this; let's make a deal."

"A deal?" I asked confusingly.

"A deal; you do your homework, continue writing stories, and I'll start drawing again."

"But how will I know you're keeping your end of the deal?" I asked questionably.

"Every day when you turn in your _completed_ homework, show me that you've been writing and I'll show you a new drawing. Deal?" she said holding her hand out for a handshake on our deal.

"Deal!" I said shaking her hand.

"I have one more question," I said to her.

"What's that?"

"On the first day, it seemed like you knew me. What made me stand out?"

"Your bright colored clothing."

"I should've known."

She laughed at me. "Not only was it your clothing, but you have this demeanor about you that makes you easily stand out from the crowd."

"Really?" I said surprised.

"Yes. You're a born leader; don't forget that."

"Yes ma'am."

"Good, let me write you a late pass to your next class."

"Okay. Hey, if you don't mind me asking, how old are you?"

"I see you want a detention pass too."

"Ha-ha no! Come on you just seem young!" I said laughing.

"Yeah right! To class you go," she says handing me the late pass.

"Okay."

I turn and walk towards the door right as Mrs. Hopkins calls my name one last time.

"Hey Ebony?"

"Yes?" I say as I turn around.

"I'm 28."

I smirk and nod as I continue to my next class; I knew she was young. It was at that moment that I realized it wasn't such a bad thing to be cool with your teacher. After all, being in good with the teacher might help you a lot especially when you need that almost failing grade rounded up two decimals so that it'll qualify as a passing score.

As I headed to class, I spot Shanice with her hall pass walking to the bathroom; I block her path. She knew I got a pep talk too after I told her my mom took my phone away.

"Damn, what's up with you?" she asked.

"I should be asking you that Niecy."

"Did Mrs. Hopkins give you a pep talk too?"

"Yes, 'cause I haven't been turning in my homework."

"What? Girl why not?"

"'Cause the person who always help me was skipping class!"

Now let me be clear; I'm not blaming Shanice skipping class for the reason why my homework hasn't been getting turned in. That's my _own_ fault. I just want to know why Shanice is skipping after all we are best friends. Plus, that's not like her to skip.

"Yeah, about that-"

"Why were you skipping class?"

"Daniel wanted me to hang with him and girl you know I'm feeling him!"

I forgot to mention; Shanice has a bad weakness for guys especially when she likes one. She'll do some stupid stuff for the love of some guy. It's kind of sad. Now I'm not saying I'm any better 'cause sometimes my choices of guys aren't the best but I'll be damned if I skip class for anyone. Skipping class however is a new one for her.

"Really? Daniel though?"

"Yeah girl! He really wanted to see me!"

"So why didn't you tell us, your home-girls?" I asked.

"'Cause I was afraid y'all would judge me or talk me out of it."

"First off we wouldn't judge you but we'd tell you why that's dumb."

"And that's not judging?" Shanice asked with one hand on her hip.

"No, it's called keeping you on track; keeping it real. Judging would be putting you down for doing it and making you feel less of a person. Secondly, you do what you feel whenever you feel like it just like me so talking you out of it is pointless. I mean we could've tried but, in my opinion, and experience, people going to do what they please no matter how many people try to convince them otherwise."

"Damn okay boo you got me there! You right though. Besides I know you guys wouldn't judge me," she said laughing.

"Exactly boo, tough love. Somebody has to deliver it!" I said fixing her hair.

"Yeah you right."

"So what did Mrs. Hopkins say to you Niecy?"

Shanice sucks her teeth and rolls her eyes as she recites what Mrs. Hopkins talked to her about. I'm pretty sure it was about her skipping shenanigans. "Mrs. Hopkins told me that I have to make up all my assignments."

"She knows you skipped?"

"Hell yeah girl! Look Mrs. Hopkins isn't no dummy! She knew those hall passes were phony as shit."

"Damn right! I bet she did," I said agreeing with Shanice.

"Hey but look I'm sorry, I'll help you with your math homework okay? I didn't mean to get you into trouble," Shanice said leaning her head at me apologetically.

"I got myself in trouble 'cause opted not to turn it in besides you sayin' it like I use you just to do my math homework."

"Ha-ha nah, I know better. You wouldn't use me like that. Besides, you can't help it that I'm a smart cookie in math. You just value my expertise."

"Ha-ha yeah whatever, be a smart cookie and go to class!" I said playing around with her.

"Fine, I will! However, I'm going to need you to turn in your homework even if you don't know shit though," she said giggling and rolling her eyes.

"Ha-ha okay I will!" I said laughing.

"Let me hurry up before I get into some more trouble. Later Ebbie!"

"Yeah let me get to my third period. See you Niecy!"

We both gave each other a hug and went our separate ways. Shanice skipping class has only caused me to realize that it's time to start putting in my own effort. My days of depending on anyone's help with assignments are over.

# 22

### ITS A DATE

We're sitting on the bleachers outside eating our lunch as usual before we scattered from school. Of course, while we're talking, Jabari and his crew walk pass us staring at us. Jabari is staring at me smiling as usual. I must've been dreaming because he came over to ask me a question.

"Hey Ebony."

"Hey Jabari."

"Um, I was wondering if you'd like to go out with me sometime; to the movies or out to eat."

For a second, I thought it was a dream. Is he really asking me out? Tash', Jessie, Niecy, Nellie, and Tiff are looking at me wondering what's taking so long for me to say yes.

"If she don't say yes, I swear-," says Niecy whispering before Jessica nudged her from continuing.

"So how about it?" he asked hoping I'd say yes.

I snapped out of it real quick. "Yes, I'd love to go out with you," I said as I could hear my friends sighing in relief.

"Cool so I'll pick you up Friday at six?"

"Sounds good."

"Alright I'll see you then."

"Okay."

Jabari walks away still looking at me before fully turning around as he turned the corner. His friends hit him a hi-five. I can only imagine why.

Shanice stood up and lightly shoved me. "Girl I thought I was going to have to kill you for hesitating like that!"

"Niecy chill! At least I said yes."

"But how long did it take you to say yes?"

"I said yes though!"

"Long enough!" she says ignoring me.

Tasha got up to join her and I. "Come on Niecy; let's focus on getting Ebbie ready for her date."

"I guess that means Ant's up for grabs," says Jinel.

We turned and looked at her annoyed. "Oh yeah, you're a true friend alright!" said Tiffany rolling her eyes.

"What's that supposed to mean?" Nellie said confused.

"It means-"

Jessica cuts Tiffany off. "Tiff, we go over this _every_ week almost. Just ignore her; one day she'll be a true friend."

"I am a true friend!"

"Oh we still love you Nellie even if you're a hater," Jessie says taking Nellie for a joke.

"It takes one to know one!" she said taking a drink of her soda.

"What?" Shanice asked puzzled as hell.

"Never mind; I love y'all too!" Jinel said looking away.

That was a first so we laughed way too hard; even Jinel had to laugh. Whether she meant that, the verdict is still out.

• • •

Friday rolls around and I'm dressed waiting for Jabari on my porch so that he doesn't get grilled by my brothers. It was six o'clock on the dot and Jabari pulled up in front of my house. I didn't even know he had a car for real.

"This you?" I asked him as he got out the car.

"Yep, this is me," he replied smiling as he gave me a hug.

He opened the passenger door for me and closed it once I sat down. I put on my seatbelt as he walked back around to the driver's seat.

"So where we headed?"

"I was thinking we'd go bowling actually; you know something different than the norm dinner and movie stuff."

"I like a guy who doesn't follow the norms."

"Oh yeah? Then I must be a winner."

"If you play your cards right then we'll see."

"Ha okay."

"How come you didn't just text me whether I wanted to go bowling or not?"

"I don't know; I thought you deserve to be asked out in person rather than through text."

I smiled at Jabari. With my luck, he could just be working his charm but I'm trying hard to pray that he's different than other guys. I'm still keeping my guard up just in case.

We pulled up to White Oak Bowling Lanes off New Hampshire Avenue and before I could open my door, Jabari was opening it for me.

"So you ready to get beat?"

"Boy please! You don't want none of this!"

"Okay, if you say so!" he says laughing at me.

Jabari opened the door for me and we went inside. As we were about to pay, I reached into my purse when he stopped me. "Nah. I got you!"

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah. Put that away!"

He paid for the bowling lanes and everything. I know a guy is allegedly supposed to pay when you're out on a date but I'm so self-reliant that I tend to refuse to depend on anyone. I'm so use to people wanting something in return for simple generosity that it made me refuse to accept anything from anybody that I didn't want to give _that_ usual favor to. We walked over to lane 8 and changed our shoes.

"I'm pretty good!" he said tying up the shoelaces on his bowling shoes.

"And I'm better!" I added pulling the loop on my shoestrings with a grin on my face.

"Okay we'll see!"

I was up first to bowl. I was so cocky that I just grabbed a ball; damn I didn't realize how heavy bowling balls really can be.

"Struggling?" he asked in a sarcastic tone.

"Ha. No!"

I was struggling but I'd never let him know that! I held the ball as firmly as I could, walked slowly up to the lane and released the ball as fast as I could. I didn't do badly though; I managed to knock down at least four pins.

"Next time I'm going to grab a way lighter ball."

"I think that's a good idea!" Jabari said laughing at my struggles as he stood up from the bowling chair to grab a bowling ball.

"Yeah, yeah; go ahead and laugh. Let's see you do better!"

"Okay cool," he says.

He holds the ball for a second, closes his eyes, and then runs to release the ball. If he would've fell, I know I would've laughed; just saying. He managed to knock down all of the pins except for one. Damn, maybe he's better than I hoped.

"Looks like I did show you better!" he said watching the pins fall.

"Okay that what was luck!"

"How was it luck? Just admit I'm the best!"

"Yeah right!"

"Yeah right!" he said mocking me right as he walked up to me sitting down and placed a gentle kiss on my lips.

That kiss sent me over the clouds, I promise! No tongue involved and you know what, that gentle kiss made everything more meaningful. Maybe it's because it was simple and it keeps your anticipation building up to a climax. It was at that moment that I realized tongue kisses do not make it more meaningful.

"You pulled a strike on the kiss."

"I wonder why," he said still staring into my eyes.

I kept smiling as I found myself getting lost in his eyes. He has really pretty eyes; I hope they're not contacts that I'm falling for either way I'm falling for him so it doesn't matter. We played the rest of the game; he ultimately won.

"Ha! I win!"

"You better be glad I haven't went bowling in a long time!"

"Don't worry; I can give you some lessons!"

"Whatever!"

"Ready to get something to eat?"

"Yeah sure. Where are we going?"

"I was thinking we could go to this Italian restaurant up the street."

"I like that idea."

"Cool," he said holding my hand as we walked to his car.

We drove up the street to this bomb Italian restaurant; I have to tell my girls about this place although I highly doubt we'll want to catch the bus up here unless we're going to the thrift store. Once we ate, Jabari took me home. He even walked me to my front door.

"Thanks for taking me out. I had a really good time."

"I'm just glad you had fun."

"Well I did."

"Good."

Jabari then went on to do something that I wasn't used to; he asked me to my face if I wanted to go out with him. No letter, no text. He used his words and asked me.

"Ebony, would you like to go out with me? Like be my girlfriend?"

Niecy would be happy to know that I didn't hesitate to say yes although this felt like a hallucination.

"Yes I'll go out with you!" I said trying to hold in my excitement so that I don't embarrass myself.

"Cool," he said smiling hard as he moved in for a quick kiss.

"Good night," I said still smiling at him in a trance.

"Good night sweetheart," he said smiling as he slowly let go of my hand to walk back to his car.

I stood there watching him get into his car leaning on my porch as if I were high but I eventually went inside because I realized that he wasn't going to pull off until I went in the house.

• • •

The next day at the box, I broke the news to my girls about Jabari and me. "Jabari asked me out!"

Each one of their eyes grew bigger even Jinel's when I said it. "To be his girlfriend?" she asked for confirmation.

"Yes!" I exclaimed as they were all growing excited.

"Oh my goodness!" said Tiffany.

"You better have said yes!" Shanice says somewhat firmly.

"Duh girl! I'm pretty sure I wouldn't be this happy if I didn't. You'll also be happy to know that I didn't hesitate when he asked me out Niecy."

"Good 'cause I would've killed you!"

"I know!" I said laughing.

"Ah _chica_! I'm so happy for you!" said Jessie hugging me.

Tasha smiled as she hugged me too. "Best friend, you're glowing!"

"Yeah well-," I said trying to brush it off.

"Yeah well nothing! Admit it!"

"Okay I am happy."

"Good you better be!" says Shanice smiling.

Jinel took a break from eating her apple. "When did he ask you out?" she asked.

"Last night on my front porch after our date," I said as we all jumped up and down in excitement. "Oh my goodness you guys, his eyes are the easiest to get lost in!"

"What color are his eyes?" Jinel asked.

"They look like dark brown or hazel."

"Are you sure they're not contacts?"

"No! I mean I hope not."

"I need you to find that out."

"That does not matter Nellie!" said Tiffany.

"Like hell it don't; she could be falling for a phony!" Jinel said taking a bite of her apple.

"Don't get too lost into the eyes, you'll lose sight of the obvious," says Shanice.

"And we all know you know a lot about that!" added Jessie cutting her eyes with a smile.

"Anyways!" she said throwing her hand up at Jessica.

I knew Shanice was right so I took that into consideration somewhat.

"Hey I'm happy for you though boo. I hope it works it out," says Tasha.

"Me too Tasha. Me too!"

We keep talking about Jabari but not without me keeping the things that Nellie and Niecy mentioned in the back of my head. I know I'm head over heels but I need to make sure that I keep myself on guard 'cause you just never know.

# 23

### THE BASKETBALL GAME

Tonight is the basketball game that we all look forward to; Blair vs. Northwood. We call it, "Battle of the Boulevard," seeing how both Blair and Northwood are located on University Boulevard. Northwood is a little further up on the boulevard and we're somewhat on the lower end. They're our rivals so it's important that we win this game.

"We going to the game tonight, right?" Shanice asks as she closes her locker.

"Hell yeah girl! This is the game of the season; everybody is gonna' be there! Besides, Ebbie's boo is playing so you know we gotta' be with her to support her man," Jessica says gripping my chin with a smirk.

"Yeah, yeah, yeah!" I said rolling my eyes laughing.

"Oh don't be modest girl. Shoot, your man is a baller!" added Shanice.

"But does he get money?" asked Jinel.

"I give up!" Tiffany says throwing her arms up.

"You actually tried?" Tasha asked as she slightly giggled with a grin.

"Why does he need to get money Nellie?" I asked folding my arms curiously awaiting her answer.

"'Cause you a square if you don't have any money!"

"Jabari is not a square Jinel! Plus he makes money working at the Thrift Store that we went to out Hillandale remember?" says Tiffany.

"Besides if he does well enough, he could catch the attention of the scouters that come to our games. That's the payday he needs," adds Shanice.

"Exactly! Just because it isn't fast money doesn't mean he isn't making any," said Tasha fixing her collar.

"Alright then fine; let's see if he's good enough to catch some scouter's eye!" says Jinel.

"Regardless, he'll never be good enough in your eyes so it's no use of trying to prove it to you," I said as we headed for the bus home.

"Oh whatever!"

"Yeah whatever!" I said mocking her.

"Forget this; let's focus on making this game tonight!" says Jessica as she puts an end to the debate she believes is getting ready to happen between Jinel and I.

We dropped it and brought up another conversation as the Metro bus drove us home. Once we got off the bus and gave our usual hugs that we give each other when we're about to split up, we went our separate ways home agreeing to meet at the box around 5:30; the game kicks off at 7:15 but we want to go to 7-Eleven beforehand to get our snacks as usual. After I finished my homework and made sure I looked good, I headed for the box.

"Ma', I'm headed to the game!" I yelled out as I headed towards the front door.

"Who you going with?" she asked emerging from the kitchen.

"Her and her little posse!" Amir cuts in while using his hands to make quotation marks as he lies on the couch watching TV.

"Did someone ask you?" I ask looking at him annoyed.

"Nah but I can say what I want!"

"Said who?"

"Said me!"

"Little boy," I say as I moved closer to him before my mother cut in between the drama.

"Hey! Stop you two and get your shoes off my couch boy!" she said hitting his legs hard enough to make his feet hit the floor immediately without him having to do it.

"Come on ma'! That hurt!"

"Oh well! Go in your room and play your game!" she said motioning him in the direction of his room.

"Yes ma'am," he said getting off the couch and walking to his room but not without bucking at me first; I bucked back and he ran off.

"Hey! Now who are you going to the game with?" she asks again although she knows whom I'm going with already.

"I'm going with Tasha, Tiffany, Jessica, Shanice, and Jinel to the game."

"Why'd I ask? You girls are always on the move," she said giggling.

"I can't help it mommy; those are my best friends," I said laughing with her.

"I know and that makes me happy. Where's it at?" she asked.

"It's at school; Blair vs. Northwood."

"Okay. Be safe and text me when you get there so I know you're okay."

"I will ma'."

"Good!" she said kissing my cheek. "I love you."

"I love you too!" I said returning the kiss.

"Tell the ladies I said hi!"

"I will ma'!" I yelled out as my mom stood at the front door looking out.

I walked outside to meet my friends at the box. Luckily, I wasn't the last one there; Niecy and Jessica were already there. "Glad to see I'm not the last one here!"

"I bet!" Niecy said laughing.

Tiffany and Tasha emerge from their houses and walk up to the box; Jinel met them half way and walked with them to where we were sitting.

"Y'all ready?" Tiffany asked as they approached us.

"Yup, let's go!" said Jessica as we hopped off the box.

"My mom told me to tell y'all she said hi," I said pointing in the direction of my house.

"Hey mommy!" they all said waving to my mom as she waved back.

"Hey ladies! Be safe!" she said leaning out of the screen door.

"We will!"

"Good! Ebony don't forget to let me know when you're at the game."

"Don't worry ma', I will!"

"Alright!" she said as she stuck her head back inside of the door and watched us as we began to walk away.

"Ha, you actually still have to tell your mom where you're at?" Jinel asked giggling sarcastically.

"At least I have someone to say-"

Jessica wouldn't even let me finish my sentence; I'm sure she knew what I was going to say. "Hey! Not tonight y'all!"

"Right! No drama tonight!" added Tiffany.

"I'm coolin'!" I said shrugging my shoulders.

"I'm straight!" Jinel said.

"Good!" Tasha says nodding her head.

We walked towards the 7-Eleven on Piney Branch Road to get our snacks for the game. Rather than take the long way, we cut through Hartwell Road to get to the 7-Eleven quicker; there's a path on that road that's connected to the shopping center it's in.

"I hope they got my sour gummy worms; they were out last time!" said Jinel.

"Shoot they better have my Cheetos!" added Tiffany.

"Girl Tiff they always have your Cheetos!" Tasha says laughing.

"No bullshit," I said pushing my hair behind my ears so that my earrings could stand out.

"Well, you never know!"

"Don't worry Tiff, I bet they will!" said Jessica as we walked up to the door of 7-Eleven and went inside.

We walked inside and each one of us walked directly to our favorite snacks; I got a Sprite and two packs of Skittles. Tasha grabbed a Hershey bar and a Ginger Ale; Niecy went for some Hot Fries and a Snapple. Jessica went for some Cool Ranch Doritos, Juicy Fruit Gum, and a Grape soda; I know we'll all be asking her for a piece of gum later. Jinel got her sour gummy worms and Tiffany got her Cheetos. Nothing new there. Once Jinel and Tiffany grab something to drink, we head to the register to pay for it.

We come here so often that the cashiers usually know us. "Hey ladies! How are you?" said Mr. Abdul.

"We're good!" we said smiling at him.

"Just getting our usual," I added.

"I see!" he says as he rang us up. I paid for everything this time.

"We got you next time Ebz'," said Jessica.

"Yeah, we got you boo," added Tiffany.

"Alright," I said handing Mr. Abdul the money.

The thing I love about my friendship with my best friends is that we never use the word "owe." Each one of us took turns buying things for everyone especially at 7-Eleven. I did it this time so next time one of them will pay for it. Friends don't owe each other; they got them next time, at least that's our motto.

"Here's your change."

"Thank you," I said placing the change in my pocket.

"You're welcome! Have a good day ladies!"

"Thank you!" we all said as we left the store.

"You do the same," I added.

We crossed the parking lot as we began opening our snacks. It was only six o'clock so we had an hour and fifteen minutes before the game starts.

"Let's just walk on University Boulevard," says Shanice.

"What? Hell nah! Girl that'll take too long! Just cut through the neighborhood, walk on Franklin Avenue and then walk on University Boulevard," said Jinel.

"I agree; that's probably quicker Niecy," I said popping a Skittle in my mouth.

"Okay fine."

We started walking on Flower Avenue eating our snacks, talking, giggling, and playing around. The cars flew passed us as we turned onto University Boulevard; we walked across the bridge where cars on 495 were stuck in the usual Friday traffic. As we approached school, we could see the crowd for the game growing bigger and bigger. I sent my mother a text to let her know I was okay.

We walked into the auditorium and found a seat but not without Jabari giving me a hug. "Hey sweetheart."

"Hey 'Bari," I said throwing my arms around his neck as he placed his hands around my waist.

"I just had to get a hug before the game."

"I'm glad you did. Good luck!"

"Thanks baby," he says kissing me before walking back to the team.

"You're welcome!" I screamed out as my girls stood there smirking at me.

"Mm-hmm, y'all so cute!" Jessica says smirking.

"Oh please!" I said rolling my eyes laughing.

"Let's sit over there lover-girl," Shanice says pointing to a spot on the bleachers.

"Yeah let's hurry before this place fills up fast," Tiffany added walking over there quick to grab the seats.

"Welcome ladies and gentlemen to the, "Battle of the Boulevard!" Northwood or Blair? Who's going to win the title?" says the game announcer.

The entire gym starts shouting which school will win; it's a constant back n' forth battle which seems to go on for like five whole minutes.

"Blair!" shouts one side of the gym.

"Northwood! Northwood!" screams the other side of the gym. Each side boos the other after screaming which school will win.

Trust me when I tell you this game is no joke! Matter of fact, mostly any game between Blair and Northwood has a turnout just like this one; I don't care if it's basketball, football, or soccer.

I think what makes it worse is that both of our schools are not too far from each other on the same street. That's what makes winning these games so important. Whoever wins the game runs the boulevard; at least that's what we say.

"Well, we're about to find out! Let's get it!" the announcer says before moving from out of the middle of the gym floor.

As the gym quickly fills up and the game gets ready to begin, I watch as Ant emerges into the gym near the door with his friends. Of course, I'm not the only one to notice his appearance.

"Girl, what's Ant doing here?" Jinel says pointing in the direction of the door as I roll my eyes.

"That's a good question," said Tasha.

"You know this game is a big deal; he's here to see who wins," added Jessica.

"And Ebony," Shanice said grinning.

"Uh no!" I said shaking my head in denial although I knew it was true.

Of course, as expected, Ant spots me and refuses to take his eyes off me.

"Damn now he staring all in Ebony's face," said Tiffany moving her eyes back n' forth between Ant and I.

"Anyways; I'm here to see the game which is what he needs to be doing," I said watching as Jabari scores a point for Blair.

"You know he's here to see you," said Shanice giggling after cheering Jabari on for scoring a point.

"I don't care Niecy."

"Course you don't," she said still smirking.

"He probably found out that you and Jabari are a thing," said Jinel.

"Why would he care?"

"You know why Ebbie!" said Tiffany shaking her head.

"I told you about being naïve!" adds Tasha also shaking her head without losing focus on the game.

"Oh well; he's not important. I'm with Jabari now."

"Okay," added Jinel unconvincingly as she refocused on the game.

The game continued, as did Ant's on and off staring at me. He needs to let it go; he knows I'm with Jabari and he's not sincere so whatever. A few hours passed and the ball enters the basketball net making the winning basket.

What team was that basket for? Blair baby! We won the game by almost thirty points and we were excited too! The whole auditorium went crazy; Jabari saw me standing on the basketball floor amongst my friends clapping in excitement and he came to lift me off the ground with his tight hug. He went to change out of his basketball clothes and told me he'd catch up to me later.

The auditorium is still loud but for different reasons; Blair for excitement but Northwood fans weren't too happy. They started trying to start stuff and the mood shifted from happiness to rowdiness.

The security guards got it under control for the most part but for some reason, this group of girls was trying to mean mug us like they had a problem and leave it up to Jinel to hype it up more than necessary.

"What y'all looking at? You don't want none!" said Jinel as Andrea, Joy, and Kiara joined her in moving closer to the group of girls.

"Girl, don't get your ass whooped!" said one of the girls who go to Northwood.

"You ain't going to whoop nothin'!" Shanice added as she was becoming more anxious for a fight now that the girls were mouthing off real bad.

"So what's up?" asked another girl within the group from Northwood.

"You about to find out!" Joy said balling up her fists.

Jinel, Kiara, Andrea, Joy, and Shanice were ready to fight but the girls decided to walk off laughing. Jinel wasn't about to let them step off so easily after talking all that shit.

"Oh hell nah! Y'all aren't going to run from this ass whooping!" Jinel said following them outside.

"Nellie would you chill!" screams Jessie as she tries to grab her arm to no avail.

"Nah they wanna' talk shit? Alright then cool; we'll bring it to them!" she says as they all power walk out of the gym behind the Northwood girls.

"Jinel you just always gotta' show your ass don't you?" yells Jessica as she walked out of the gym behind her.

"Jessie knows she does. I don't even know why she's asking that ridiculous ass question," said Tiffany before we walked out of the gym.

Tasha and I giggled at Tiffany then we ran outside behind Jessica to stop this fight from happening I mean there is no reason for it. Once we got outside, the Northwood girls weren't backing down as easily as Jinel thought they were.

"I know this bitch ain't following us!" said one of the girls.

"Damn right I am!" says Jinel moving closer to them.

"Okay since you want to fight," the girl says pushing her hair back into a ponytail.

Another girl unzipped her jacket. "They don't want it!"

"Shit let's do this!" adds Joy squaring up.

However, amongst the group of girls were two of them who were not about drama 'cause they helped to put an end to this unnecessary bullshit.

"Chill out! We ain't got time for this!" said one of the girls pushing them back.

"Right! Drop it y'all!" said Tasha and Jessica standing in the middle of Jinel, Shanice, Joy, Andrea, and Kiara motioning them to move back.

The Northwood girls listen to their two friends and step off but not without the girl who put her ponytail up saying one last thing.

"You better be glad we leavin'!"

"For real!" added her friend zipping her jacket back up.

"No your ass better be glad you leavin'!" shouted Andrea pointing at her.

"Exactly! You was about to get your ass dropped!" said Joy bucking at her.

"You better thank your friends for saving that ass!" added Kiara.

They stepped off quickly up the street while Jinel, Niecy, Kiara, Joy, and Andrea celebrate them stepping off as if it meant they won the battle which clearly didn't exist.

"How they going to run their mouth and then let their friend make 'em back down? Thought they were so tough?" asked Andrea.

"Shit they knew they weren't about it that's why!" added Kiara.

"No 'cause it wasn't necessary to fight in the first place!" Tasha says irritably.

"Oh please Tasha," Niecy says throwing her hands.

"Oh please Tasha nothing!" she says looking at Niecy like she's crazy.

"She's right! Blair won the game; this drama isn't necessary," says Tiffany agreeing with Tasha.

"As long as they take their ass up the street!" says Jinel snapping her fingers.

"Well, are you happy? It's over now. They went on about their business. Let's go!" said Jessie.

"Yes I'm happy! Jessie you can't let them come in here being disrespectful. This is our school; their school is up the street," said Jinel with her hands on her hips.

"Who cares about them; they are irrelevant!"

"They better learn not to step if they don't want to leap!" said Jinel.

"Just forget about it Nellie!"

I feel like all schools go through this form of cattiness particularly when the schools are rivals. Everybody wants to win; nobody wants to lose especially to their rivals. That's a hard blow to bounce back from and no other loss from any other team will seem as bad as that one.

As human nature, girls are usually the ones who carry out the drama although guys can be just as guilty. Like my grandma says though; "sometimes girls don't know when to stop and will keep it going forever." Once Jinel comes down from her tough girl shit, we wait for Jabari and his friends to come outside. As Jabari and his boys came outside, we all cheered loudly for them.

"Go Blazers!" we yelled as I gave him a hug.

Jabari placed a kiss on my cheek. "Thank you!"

"So where we celebrating at?" Tiffany asked.

"We were thinking about getting some pizza. Y'all down?"

"Yeah!" we all said.

"For pizza? Of course!" Tasha added.

"Cool."

"Hopefully those heifers aren't getting pizza too!" Jinel says smirking deviously.

"I have no problem with giving them a beat down in between bites of my food," added Joy.

"Hell yeah! Matter fact I hope they're there we when get there!"

" _Ay dios mío!_ Nellie would you drop it already?" Jessie asks her irritably.

"Fine Jessie, I'll drop it!"

"Thank you!"

"You know she's not so I wouldn't get too comfortable," Tiffany says in Jessie's ear.

"Girl I know!" Jessie says cutting her eyes as she already understands that Jinel was a piece of work and she feeds off of stuff like this. She thinks participating in things like this will cause her to look tough so we know she isn't going to drop it just like that.

"Come on Nellie; you're too pretty to fight!" Andrew says playing with her hair.

"Shit pretty girls got a lot to prove!" she said shaking her hair as he was playing with it.

"Like what?"

"Like we aren't punks just because we pretty!"

"You're pretty?" Shanice asked confusingly.

"Shut up!" Jinel said punching her as they both began laughing.

"I'm just kidding!" she said hugging her.

"Yeah, yeah!"

"I know how to calm Nellie down; mozzarella sticks!" said Tasha leaning her arm on Jinel as her face lit up.

"Damn Tasha. You know me too well!"

"Well duh!"

We laughed and kept walking to get pizza. As I looked back out at the parking lot, Ant was leaning on his car smoking and talking with his people. He instantly spots me and begins smiling at me.

However, he gave me a devious smile as if to say, _"I still can have you whenever I want, just watch."_ Jabari placed his arms around me as we all walked off. I watched Ant watching me walk away until we got to the sidewalk; he blows cigarette smoke to the sky without taking his eyes off me.

All I do is shake my head at Ant's arrogance and what does he do; he blows a kiss at me with his lips while lowering his eyes still smirking. I just look and turn my head; he was expecting for me to laugh it off but not today. I mean that's what I've done in the past and all it did was create his huge ego that he has when it comes to me. I'm faithful but he thinks for him, I'll just give in easily.

I can't deal with Ant right now; I'm not single so until then he is irrelevant just like I said. I don't need Ant; I have Jabari and I'm very satisfied. I make sure that Jabari doesn't take any notice to Ant; we just stopped some drama that Jinel was getting into so we damn sure don't need to see anymore tonight. Besides, we won the "Battle of the Boulevard!" It's time to celebrate!

# 24

### A BUSTED GROOVE

I guess you can say Jabari and are seriously dating. I mean I have never experienced a relationship such as this one before. Although it's only been two months, it still seems like it's been much longer than that. We hold hands as we walk to class and share smooches at my locker. He even gives me rides home not to mention I go to his games with my girls even if it's not a home game. I'm really head over heels for him but I wouldn't say love just yet.

So since I've been all booed up with Jabari lately, I made this Saturday "Girls Day Out." I never want my friends to feel neglected so tonight we decided to go to a party in the neighborhood off Navahoe Drive and University Boulevard, which was one of our normal areas where we go to parties.

"So what's Jabari doing tonight?" asked Tasha as we walked to catch the bus.

"He said he had to work."

"Well, since you're taking a break from boo-loving, it's time to have some real fun!" added Jinel.

"Who said me boo-loving isn't real fun?" I asked her curiously.

"'Cause boo-loving isn't real love. I mean is it real love to you?"

"I don't know."

"What you mean you don't know?" Jinel asked sharply.

"I feel butterflies and stuff but I don't think I'm in love just yet."

"Girl...you're feeling butterflies? That means you're in love don't try to front!" added Niecy.

"It's all good; we know how strongly he makes you feel especially how hard you be cheesing when he comes around!" said Tasha gripping my cheeks.

I rolled my eyes smiling while they all laughed at me. "Anyways!"

"Don't run from what you feel," says Tasha.

I nodded at her and cracked a slight smile of understanding. The bus pulled up and we got on. We got off at the bus stop on University Boulevard and headed to the party.

"I don't know about y'all but I'm ready to party!" says Niecy as she started dancing.

"You and me both girl!" added Jinel dancing with her.

"Whose party are we headed to anyway?" asked Tasha.

"Ernesto is throwing this party tonight," says Jessica.

"Oh shit! You know we bout' to get turned up for real!" said Niecy getting more excited.

"You know it! Ernesto always throws the best parties!" I added.

As we walked closer, we could hear the music getting louder and louder with each step. We walked in the door and directly in front of my face was something I saw that had me praying my eyes were deceiving me but they weren't; I have 20/20 vision. What did I see? Jabari was grinding with some heifer on the wall. I don't care who she is I just know she isn't me and that's a problem!

Before I can even say anything, Jessica beats me to it. "Ebony, I know that's not Jabari!"

"It surely is!" added Tiffany.

"I just want to know who that random bitch is that he's up in here grinding with. She don't look like Ebony to me!" said Niecy.

"Nah, more like a downgrade!" Jinel said folding her arms while Niecy leaned her arm on her shoulder, staring like she's plotting to do something.

"Oh hell no Ebony, you better get that bitch before I do!" said Tiffany balling up her fists.

"Oh trust, I got this!" I said angrily.

"I hope they're the same girls from the basketball game who were poppin' off at the mouth!" yelled Jinel.

"Damn, we just got here and already some trippy shit happens," added Tasha as I was walking over to confront my so-called boyfriend.

I walked over to where Jabari was so I could bust him in front of everybody. "Jabari!" I said so loudly that everyone stopped to see what was going on.

He was so in shock that he began stuttering. "Eb...Ebony! What are you doing here?" he said moving the girl off him.

"Shit I should be asking you that! What happened to, _"I have to work tonight?"_ Doesn't look like work to me!"

"I did go to work but they sent me home early."

"Stop lying to me!"

"I'm not lying baby!" he said trying to grab my arm but I snatched it back.

As we're going back and forth, the girl he was dancing with cut in. "Um...who are you?" she asks with an attitude.

"Um, I'm his girlfriend. Who are you?" I asked as she stepped closer.

Her little friends started emerging closer too and guess what? My friends emerged faster. "I'm his girlfriend sweetie!" she asserts.

"Oh really; since when?"

"Just two weeks ago!"

"I've been with him for two months...not two weeks!"

She became angry when I said that and turned to him. "What she talking about Jabari?"

"Yeah what am I talking about Jabari?" I said to him.

As I suspected, he can't even find the words to save himself from being caught up. Ant ain't no worse than him it's just that at least with Ant you knew what you were getting.

"I think she wants to fight!" said one of the girl's friends.

I truly wish she didn't say that 'cause all she did was encourage Niecy, Jessica, Jinel, and Tiffany to move in closer like they were ready to attack. Tasha stood there with her arms folded with that, _"You don't want any,"_ look on her face.

Hell, Tasha looked more intimidating in my opinion by standing like that than everybody else who was ready to fight. Tasha is a quiet storm; she only attacks when provoked and it takes a lot to provoke her but once you do, you're in danger!

"No I want to fight!" yelled Jinel.

"Me too and you don't want none!" Niecy says backing her up.

I pushed them back 'cause it's not that deep even though home-girl's friends knew my friends weren't playing.

"Girl ain't nobody about to fight none of y'all for him! He not worth the trouble!" I said still pushing my friends back.

"Ebony look-"

"Forget you Jabari! You can have him sweetheart!" I said looking at the girl as I was pushing him away.

"Baby!" yelled Jabari as he ran behind me.

After what happened today at the party, I want nothing else to do with Jabari!

"Come on! Please let me take you home!" he says chasing behind me.

"No just leave me alone!"

Tasha, Jessica, Tiffany, Shanice, and Jinel pushed passed Jabari to see if I was okay.

"Come on Ebony!" he said.

"Shut up and move!" yelled Tiffany pushing him.

"Baby I'm sorry!" he said still yelling to me.

"You not sorry about shit!" Niecy said to him.

My friends caught up to me; I almost wanted to walk home instead of catch the bus but I know sometimes it's not the best area to walk at night. Therefore, I walked to the bus stop waiting for the next Metro or Ride On bus to pick us up.

"Ebbie," says Jessica rubbing my shoulders. I was in so much pain that I couldn't stop shaking.

"I'm sorry!" he yelled once more.

"You are only sorry that I caught you!" I shouted back.

"Come on Ebbie forget him; here comes the bus, let's go downtown," Jessica said trying to calm my nerves.

"Yeah, let's just go get some food and walk around," says Niecy.

I nodded as the bus pulled up to the stop. We paid our fare and headed for the back next to the second door of the Metro Bus. I wanted to cry so badly but I didn't want anyone to see me cry. I stare out the window watching traffic trying to bite my pride and pray I can hold my tears inside. I'm shaking my leg which is what I usually do when I'm so upset.

My friends rubbing my shoulders are only making it harder for me to avoid crying but I appreciate the gesture. Regardless if I drop a tear or not, they know I'm in pain; even Jinel is rubbing my back to make me feel better. Jinel doesn't like for anyone to hurt my feelings; that's her job and honestly she's never done anything close to this to hurt me.

Hell, Jinel did call it when she asked about his eyes. He was phony and I fell for it. The bus pulled onto Fenton Street and we pulled the bell to be let off. We were just going to walk the strip and get something to eat. Since I just got my heart broken, my friends are letting me choose what we're eating. I start smiling because I'm in the mood for some pasta.

"I know you're not about to take us to expensive Noodles & Company!" Niecy asserts loudly.

"Hey we're letting her pick what she wants to eat. She's craving pasta so we're going here!" Jessica says looking at Niecy like she's doing the most.

"Besides, this is the cheapest place to get pasta over here," says Tiffany.

"And you know you can afford Miss. Boutique Bourgie so don't even try it!" Jessica said.

"Man Jessie, y'all better be glad I like their pasta!" she said opening the door.

"Glad nothin'!"

I agree Noodles & Company is not the cheapest but I'm craving it so I'll pay for it today. I think coming in the city was a great idea especially because being surrounded by dozens of people downtown will definitely keep my mind off what's his face; I'm too pissed to even say his name.

# 25

### ONE STEP BACKWARD

After what Jabari put me through, I needed to blow off steam. Rather than write all day, I took another approach; I called Ant. I couldn't cope with the pain so my solution was sex praying that it'll make me take my mind off of what happened. However just like when you're high, the pleasure doesn't stick forever and once you're done, the problem still remains a burden on your heart.

I knocked on Anthony's door; he opened it and smiled when he saw me. He gave me a hug and led me to his room to partake in our usual activity. While Ant is sexing me, my phone is blowing up. Of course, it's Jabari; I can see it from the side of my eye. I haven't deleted his number or picture in my phone just yet.

Ant stops to glance at my phone for a second. "Jabari?" he asks.

"What the hell does he want?" I said sucking my teeth.

"Well, do you want to talk to him?"

"Nah, forget him!"

"Wait...did he hurt you?" Ant asked defensively as he sat up on the bed.

I just shook my head but Ant knew better. However, I'm trying to figure out why he's upset; he's no better than Jabari. Yeah he treats me better than he treats every girl he talks to but it's for the relational aspect rather than what it should be; love. Niecy said I shouldn't have sexed him so good talking about I created a monster. However he introduced me to sex so if we wanna' be real he created a monster!

"Nah Ant! Don't worry about it!"

"You sure?"

"Yes!"

He sucked it up and continued sexing me. I just want to erase the pain with pleasure. Even though it's not a good idea, it's my coping method. I can't lie; I'm glad Jabari did call 'cause it's only making Ant sex me even better. He must be trying to prove something; guys and their macho complex can be so exhausting to deal with at times.

Oh well 'cause the more my phone continuously rings, the stronger his strokes get; keep ringing my phone shoot! Eventually we finished our business and I began to get dressed so I can head home soon.

Of course, Ant feels like he needs to continue to act macho about the whole Jabari situation. "You should let me handle that dude!"

"Why Ant? That would only make you a hypocrite so just drop it!"

"A hypocrite? How?"

"Ant, you have other girls and you're not ashamed of it. At least he feels some type of way for getting caught; you feel nothing so if you're going to hurt him for hurting me, you're going to have to hurt yourself!"

"First off you're my main chick; those other bitches are just side pieces with no potential of advancement."

"So you're not going to admit you hurt me?"

"How have I hurt you? You know what's up! You come first before them!"

"So what? Should I feel special because you admitted there are hundreds of other girls beside me and I'm the most important one? I'm technically one of them!"

"No you're not!"

"How am I not Ant?"

"You're different 'cause you have something they'll never have."

"Oh what's that?" I asked sarcastically.

"You have all of me," he says trying to lean in for a kiss but I moved back quickly before he could.

"No I have your dick but not your loyalty nor your heart; the actual thing that really matters."

He tried to grab my arm as I snatched it away and headed towards his front door. "Come on Ebony; don't be like that! Why you trippin'?" he says.

"No I'm not trippin' but you said it right the first time; I know what's up and I been knowing what was up so it is what it is."

"Ebony!"

"Bye Ant!" I said walking down the steps of his apartment complex.

"Ebony! You know I got love for you!"

"But you don't love me!" I said yelling to him as I continued walking past the other apartment complexes.

"Ebony! Ebony!" he yelled out as he stood in the doorway of the front door of his apartment building.

I felt good standing up to Ant; well if you call that standing up. This shit isn't even worth it anymore. Why cut off Jabari for what he did if I'm going to put my heart through constant emotional abuse by allowing Ant to over sex me for nothing? Hell even a prostitute gets paid for her services; my dumbass is over here doing shit for free. I said I was going to do better so I need to get it together. I can still hear Ant calling out to me until I reached pass his eyesight.

Although I feel too ashamed to tell my friends what I did with Ant, I'm still going to because I honestly now feel better about everything. I finally made a sensible decision and its funny how all it took was heartbreak. Damn shame it took pain to bring resolve to my nonchalant ignorance.

I want it to be tomorrow already so that I can pretend this never happened but it doesn't work like that; today will forever be lodged in my memory along with other things. I mean as long as you can remember, you'll never forget. Damn! Its ten o'clock and the streetlights are on. Guess who's probably going to get her feelings hurt? Yeah me that's who.

My mom never takes her eyes off the television as she plays with the remote. "Streetlights have been on and yet you just got home; no call, no text, nothing."

"I know."

"Do you have an excuse?"

I shook my head quietly. "No."

My mom's eyes grew big. I usually have an excuse for everything and I mean everything! So for me to say I don't probably shocked the hell out of her. "Wait? You don't have an excuse?"

"No ma'am."

My mom stood up from the couch and hugged me. Now I was the one in shock. "Wait, no yelling?"

"Nope. No yelling. You're starting to mature and I'm very proud of you."

"Thank you ma'!"

"I saved you some dinner; it's in the microwave covered up. Go ahead and eat."

"Thanks mom."

"You're welcome baby."

I'm going to warm my food up and eat before I tell my friends what went down tonight because it's going to be a long story! Trust me.

I was so ashamed at how after taking steps forward, I took two steps back; I didn't even think I could find the courage to tell Tasha what I did but I managed to do so anyway.

• • •

The next day at school, it all seemed good as I tried to hide the pain I still felt. See this is why I don't fall for people 'cause the heartbreak is too much to cope with and not easy to shake off.

"I just feel so stupid y'all!" I said looking away from them off into the distance.

"Don't!" said Jessie loudly.

"Exactly! You did nothing wrong!" added Tiffany.

"But I fell for him way too fast," I said shaking my head in disbelief.

"So what? Ebbie there is nothing wrong with falling for someone; it only means your human."

"Yeah! Don't punish yourself for his stupidity! It's his loss not yours!" said Tasha agreeing with Tiffany.

Jinel stood up with her hands on her hips. "Are you sure you don't want me to get my brothers to fuck him up?"

My heart is aching for payback but I know it isn't worth it. "Nah. No thanks Nellie," I said gently smiling at her offer.

"Well, can we at least go and beat up the friends of that bitch he was creeping with?" asked Shanice moving next to Jinel.

This caused Jinel to join in on the idea. "Girl yes! They were looking for a real serious beat down!"

"I know right! They called themselves stepping up like they were ready to rumble!"

"Hell yeah; stepping like they was ready to jump Ebony! They had the game messed up!"

"Damn right! I'll be damned if they even tried to lay a pinky on Ebbie!"

"Word! That wasn't happening! I was really praying that they were those girls from Northwood who were talking reckless at the basketball game," said Jinel.

"Nah girl. If they were, they would've remembered us whole time and tried to get buck again."

"Nice to see you two never take a break from wanting to fight somebody," Jessica says interrupting Shanice and Jinel.

"Shit somebody has to let these heifers know what's up!" Nellie said hitting a high five with Niecy.

"Right, so let's fight!" added Niecy.

"Nobody's fighting anybody unless provoked! Besides, those chicken heads aren't worth the energy!" Tasha says shooting down their hopes.

"Man Tasha you always say that!" said Niecy kind of bummed.

"Probably 'cause it's always true. Never start a fight but never back down if you're provoked either. That's the rule."

"Says who?"

"Says me that's who!"

"Okay but-"

Tasha cuts Niecy off before she can continue. "We're classier than that Niecy!"

"Fine, damn! You win okay?"

"I know," Tasha responds confidently.

"Fighting won't solve nothing," I added.

Jinel cut her eyes and scrunched her face. "Since when have you tried to back down from a fight?"

"I know right!" Niecy added as she looked at me as if I was crazy.

Before I could shoot either one of them a look, Jessica beat me to it. She shot a look at Nellie and Niecy to drop it; they did. I mean I'm hurting right now and now is not the time to wonder why I stopped being immature.

I admit; I use to think that type of shit was cute. Fights were the talk around the way but as I get older, I realize that unless you're defending yourself, fighting especially over any guy is immature especially 'cause while y'all are fighting he'll be up the street talking to another female and tell you that you're not classy enough for fighting over him.

I'm too busy trying to feel better for foolishly falling for that jerk to even chime in any deeper; besides Tasha took the words right out of my mouth. Niecy and Nellie were hurt that they couldn't fight anybody but they should've known that we weren't going to let them fight anybody especially over something silly.

"Man, I'm sorry I told you that he was different than other guys," said Niecy as she itched her head.

"Nah, it's not your fault," I said staring off in a trance as I shook my head slowly.

"Ebbie, are you okay though?" asked Tiffany who never took her eyes off me while all the current commotion was happening and kept her arm around me.

"Yeah, I'm fine Tiff," I said trying to smile.

"It's going to be alright! You know we got you!"

"I know boo, I know."

"Good! It's going to be alright!" she repeats as she hugs me while rocking me back and forth.

I know it's going to be alright but at this moment my heart doesn't feel like it's going to. However just like a wound, I'll eventually heal and bounce back from this; unfortunately with a hardened heart.

# 26

### MOVING ALONG

Ever since I busted Jabari at the party, he will not leave me alone. He has sent so many text messages, which have gone unanswered, and would try to call me; those calls were left unanswered as well. Don't even mention the internet; he's messaged me on every webpage I own. It's so annoying but I refuse to give in.

At school, he tries even harder. He places notes in and on my locker. When will he get it and quit trying to talk to me? I roll my eyes as I open my locker and crumble up his note that was sitting on top of my notebook that I need for my first period class.

Tiffany pulled off the sticky note from my locker door and read it. "Ebony please call me today or respond to my messages. I really need to talk to you," she said reading it loudly.

"Damn he's one determined ass person!" added Tasha as she took the sticky note out of Tiffany's hand.

"I'll say! Nobody's trying to hear what he's got to say. He's doing too much!"

"Hell yeah!" Tasha said agreeing with Tiffany.

"I wish he would just let it go! You messed up; accept it!"

"I agree!" said Tasha.

"Yeah but people who do things like that rarely want to accept responsibility," says Tiffany.

Next thing I knew, Jessica was walking over to my locker with a note that Jabari gave her. She scanned it first before handing it to me.

"Jessie; please tell me that's not a letter from Jabari?" I said looking up to the ceiling annoyed punching my fist into my hand with every word I spoke.

"Yeah _chica_ ," she said smirking slightly as she shrugged and handed me the letter.

"Oh my God!"

"I don't know Ebbie; maybe you need to talk to him so he'll shut up and stop stalking you."

"No Jessie! I don't want to talk to him! I have nothing to say to him."

"Well, you better find something to say if you want him off your back! If you want this to end, you need to end it and confront him."

"Yeah, I guess you're right," I said looking down.

"Yeah, so go and talk to him at lunch time."

"No bull 'cause if you go and talk to him now, you'll miss every class," says Tiffany.

We all cracked a slight chuckle at Tiffany's remark but she's probably right. This isn't going to be an easy conversation nor will it be quick. I mean for me it is but for Jabari not so much.

The bell rang and we all dodged for class to avoid the hall sweep. Since everybody has been chilling in the halls for weeks, our principal became upset and decided that when they call a hall sweep, they'll hand out detentions for anyone who gets caught in one. Three detentions will earn you a suspension and seeing how I have about two months left, I can't afford to get in any trouble right now.

"Oh snap let's bounce y'all before we get detention!" said Tasha as she straightened her books in her arms.

"Yeah let's go!" I said closing my locker.

We ran to class in time before the second bell rang. The teachers had their doors locked so that nobody could stroll in late. As we sat in class, we could spot people getting escorted to the office to grab their detention slip.

Once fourth period came and went, I knew it was time to confront Jabari. It was raining today so we went across the street to get food then we hurried back into the cafeteria to eat and stay dry.

As we sat at the table eating our lunches, I spotted Jabari just staring at me from across the room. I can tell Jabari and I wouldn't work out I mean he's too emotional. Like if you have more emotions than I do, we won't work out. I don't do that "If I can't have you, nobody else can" bullshit. Not only did I take notice to that but my friends did as well.

"Something's wrong with him!" said Niecy taking a sip of her Grape soda.

"He acts like a stalker for real," says Jinel.

"Alright I'm about to end this nonsense right now," I said preparing to get up from the table.

"Okay; be firm! Say what you mean and mean what you say!" said Tasha.

"Got you best friend."

"We'll be right here if you need us," says Jessie.

"Thanks y'all."

My friends nodded and watched as I got up from the table to confront him. I exhaled and headed in his direction. A part of me wants to hear what he has to say and a bigger part of me doesn't want to hear him out at all.

"Hey Ebony; you look pretty today."

"Thank you," I said annoyed.

"I see your earrings match too. Okay!"

I began rolling my eyes 'cause I was so over this. "So can you cut the bullshit and tell me why you consistently want to talk to me?"

"'Cause I miss you."

"And?"

"And I want to apologize for doing you how I did."

"How did you do me?"

"Come on Ebbie; do I really need to say it?"

"Yes you do because you can't apologize if you won't admit what you did. How do I know why you're sorry? I can't read your mind!"

"Okay my fault! You right! I'm sorry for going with that other chick."

"Nah say her name 'cause it's clearly not, "That other chick," and you know it."

"I'm sorry for going with Kayla."

I shook my head at him. "Why would you do that? I thought you really liked me?"

"I did and I still do."

"You couldn't have because if you did, Kayla wouldn't have been your second girlfriend."

"Look after Dondre started dating my ex, I felt betrayed. So I tried to pick up this "playa" attitude."

"Dondre? You're really going to try to use Dondre as your excuse? That is no excuse to put someone else through pain that your friend did to you. That's selfish and insensitive. What Dondre did to you, how did it make you feel?"

"I felt like shit for real."

"Okay so how do you think I felt when I saw you at the party with Kayla?"

"The same way."

"Exactly! The moment I opened my heart up, you stabbed it with a knife. My friends urged me to give you a chance claiming you were different than all of the jerks I've messed with whole time you ain't no different than the rest; just covering up your true intentions under a not so slick smile."

"Look Ebony, I'm sorry I hurt you. I mean it! You didn't deserve that. Look if you give me another chance-"

"Another chance? No I'm not about to give you another chance to hurt me like you did. Are you crazy?"

"Come on Ebony please?"

"No!"

"Baby...just one more chance?"

"You know what I have one question; when's the last time you talked to Kayla?"

Jabari made this face as if he can't remember the last time which is basic confirmation that he has recently spoken to her; probably telling her the same shit he told me. He's not slick by any means. "Uh-"

"See I knew it!" I said putting my hand up in his face as I turned to walk away.

"Ebony wait!" he said sucking his teeth; hopefully at his own stupidity.

"Goodbye Jabari!"

"Ebony!"

"By the way; don't call me, don't text me or nothing either! Leave me alone!"

Jabari rubbed his head. "Ebony don't be like that!" he shouted.

Heartbreak cuts deeper than a knife. People just don't understand that one heartbreak will slowly mutilate the heart each time. Some people become unfaithful because they got hurt. Some people become heartless because every time they opened their heart, someone shattered it into pieces. Some people don't understand the meaning of love because heartbreak has caused them to be afraid to give anybody a try.

Heartbreak is the root to bitterness; bitterness is created by hurt and after a while, it becomes adaptable like a way of life. Rather than try to be better than the person who hurt us, most of the time we end up being worse calling it a way to protect ourselves from future heartbreak.

Little do we know we're inflicting heartbreak on an undeserving person; collateral damage. Here I am back in that same boat except I'm the captain steering the ship. However, I'm not going to do the next guy like Jabari, Ant, or any other guy I've dealt with has done to me but that doesn't mean my heart is opening up any time soon. My friends watch me as I walk back over to the lunch table they're sitting at.

I know they're anxious to hear what happened; of course it's Niecy who breaks the ice. "So what happened?"

"He's not slick, that's what!" I responded hastily.

"Wait what? What did he say?" asked Tiffany.

"A bunch of bull! He even tried to call her the, " _Other girl_ ," but I made him call her name."

"Which was?"

"Kayla."

"Mm-hmm Kayla, huh?" said Niecy suspiciously.

"Yeah and then he tried to say that his reason for doing what he did was because Dondre dated his ex and he took this, " _Playa_ ," mentality afterwards but I told him that wasn't a valid excuse."

"Damn right it's not!"

"That's some bullshit! He really tried it!" said Jinel shaking her head.

"I know right!" added Niecy.

"Yeah but here's how I truly caught him; I asked him when was the last time he talked to Kayla."

"And what did he say?" asked Tasha.

"Nothing!"

"Wait a minute, nothing?"

"Nada!"

"So you mean to tell me he wasn't able to provide you with a straight forward answer?" said Jessica.

"Nope! He was just standing there like he was contemplating on when he last spoke to her."

"That means it was recently!"

"Thank you Jessie! Same shit I said! After that, I told him to stop calling me, texting me, and just leave me alone."

"That's my girl!" said Tiffany reaching for a high five.

"But will he stop?" added Tasha curiously.

"I don't know; I sure hope so!"

"If not, I have a solution," says Jinel smirking.

"This solution involves calling your brothers doesn't it?" asked Jessica unsurprised.

"Hell yeah!"

"I'm shocked your brothers aren't in jail right now! They stay trying to fight somebody!" said Niecy shaking her head.

"Right besides Ebony has her own brothers too Nellie. Why does she need to borrow yours?" asked Jessica.

"And she got a dad!" added Tiffany.

"'Cause Amir is in ninth grade and he would need back up cause Jabari taller plus Marcus is away at Hampton. My brothers are right up the street; just one phone call away. Besides Ebony don't want to get her father involved! What kind of shit is that?"

"No bullshit!" I added.

"Just one phone call; I know they've heard that statement before!" added Niecy sarcastically.

"Shut up!" Nellie said bucking at Niecy as she cracked a giggle.

"No thanks Nellie," I said smiling.

"But what if he doesn't quit Ebony?"

"Then I'll let you call your brothers; happy?"

"Very!"

Honestly, I want her to call her brothers but Jinel needs her brothers to stay out of jail so they can keep an eye on her seeing how her mom fails to do that. They're all they got. Besides, it's not that serious. I'm sure he'll lay off now that I gave him a chance to talk, I hope 'cause I'm not giving him another chance; I mean it!

# 27

### JUMPING TO DEATH

Can you believe it's already spring? I know I can't especially 'cause in a few months, I'll be a high school graduate; I'm pretty sure each one of my friends is taking this differently.

It was a beautiful spring day. It seemed like everybody was outside; kids were chasing each other, parents were enjoying the weather on their porches, cars passing by and just endless foot traffic on the sidewalk. Then there was us. My crew and I standing in front of turning jump ropes. I was tired of waiting on my turn to jump so I went to sit down on the porch.

Tasha, who was already sitting on the porch, however was so over the wait. "I'm ready for my turn y'all come on!"

"Relax boo; rule number one, never mess up the rotation. Ebony's first then you," Tiffany says to Tasha.

"Hey Ebony, come jump girl!" yells Shanice who was turning the ropes with Andrea.

I was writing and I didn't want to lose my train of thought so I told Tasha to take my turn. "I will in a minute! Better yet, let Tasha jump first before me."

"Okay. Come on Tasha, your turn," says Shanice.

Tasha hugged me as she got up to run towards the turning ropes. "Thanks Ebbie!"

"Love you best friend!" I yell out to her.

"Love you more!" she shouts back as she gets closer to the ropes.

Tiffany grinned as Tasha arrived beside her ready to jump in. "Messing up the rotation but it's cool."

"You wild Tiff; you steady comparing everything to blunt rotations!" exclaims Shanice giggling.

"That's how this world works sweetheart," she says.

"Ha-ha if you say so. You ready Tasha?"

"You know it Niecy!"

Tasha walks closer towards the turning ropes where Shanice, Tiffany, and Kiara are standing. Jinel and Jessica are standing next to Andrea as she turns the ropes. Tasha rocks back n' forth with the rhythm of the ropes.

Once she grasps the rhythm, she jumps into the rope and started jumping. Jessica turns around to see where I was; I was looking down writing in my journal. Jessica smiled and started walking to where I was sitting on the front porch.

"Writing, huh?" she says as she sits down beside me.

I looked up from my journal to smile at her. "You know it girl!"

"You've been writing a lot more lately. What's up with that?"

"I don't know, maybe it's 'cause everybody says I'm so good at it and there isn't anything worse than wasted talent."

See! I bet y'all didn't think I would listen to my mom or Mrs. Hopkins for that matter.

"Ha! I was one of the ones who told you that too! Glad I'm getting through to that brain of yours."

"Ha-ha well so am I!"

"So, can I see or nah?"

"Girl, of course!"

"Bet!"

I hand my notebook to Jessica as she takes it and begins to read. She slowly begins to smile and slightly nod her head as she read my inner thoughts on the paper. "This is really good _chica_!" she says.

"Thank you!"

"You're going to go places girl; you and Tasha both."

"I really hope so Jessie."

"Ebbie, stop hoping and believe! You have the talent to go places I know I've only seen in my dreams. If we believe in you, you should too!"

"I know you, Shanice, Tiffany, and Tasha believes in me. Not so sure about Nellie though."

"Now why you say that? She does."

"Jessie, Jinel doesn't believe in anything positive that I do. She only shows faith in my negativity."

"Look, I know it seems like that but it's far from the truth. She wants you to succeed Ebbie. Just watch, you'll find that out one day. I keep telling you she's down for you, watch."

"Yeah, maybe one day."

"I'm trying to tell you but don't ever stop writing."

"I'll never stop."

"Good 'cause I'd kill you if you'd ever stop."

Jessica and I start laughing at each other. As we continue talking, Ty and Shawn walk up to Jinel as they're still standing on the sidewalk. My nerves begin to reach a peak, which usually happens whenever those two show up anywhere I'm at; Ty and Shawn are notorious for attracting trouble.

They're always quick to jump at people especially if they feel like someone is disrespecting their neighborhood. Jessica even looks at them as if something is about to go down. We both watch Tasha jumping in the ropes and everybody cheering her on.

"Man Ebbie, those two always make me feel some kind of way," says Jessica staring suspiciously at them.

"I'm too hip right now. I hope they hurry, say what they got to say to Jinel and keep stepping 'cause I don't have time for their drama," I said looking at them with an uneasy feeling in the pit of my stomach.

"I'm with you! I'm trying to have a safe and laid back day. Plus, the weather is nice. Yeah, they need to go on."

"Right!"

"Why does Jinel find it cute to associate with people who want nothing but trouble?" asked Jessie squinting her eyes and shaking her head as she looked at them.

"'Cause she wants to be tough."

Jessica and I try to knock off our paranoia and continue our conversation when we hear a car speeding from up the street. Before long, we hear a guy yell out of the car at Ty and Shawn followed by gunshots.

"Remember all that shit you were talking? Talk now!" the guy yelled from inside of the car.

POW! POW! POW!

Everybody starts screaming and yelling. Jessica and I hit the ground; Ty and Shawn pull out their pistols to return fire. Everybody including the little kids are running and screaming as they try to take cover. I hope my little sisters are okay. I hope Amir and Marcus are straight.

Oh my God! Please don't let any of my siblings or my friends get hurt! How could such a beautiful day suddenly turn into a dreadful one, which has innocent people rushing for cover praying that the unnamed bullets flying don't turn into nameable ones with them being the unofficial targets?

Both Ty and Shawn chase the car shooting; eventually the car spins out of control. Bullets hit the car windows and one of the back tires. Knowing that the car isn't drivable, the guys in the car get out and run. All you can see is a cloud of smoke.

Once the smoke clears, fear instantly is replaced with heartbreak. Ty and Shawn are nowhere to be found, the jump ropes are on the ground and everyone is shouting. Just as Jessica and I feared, something bad did happen.

To make it worse, we saw the whole thing even through the cloud of smoke. Paranoia is intertwined with instinct; if something doesn't feel right, listen to that feeling. As Jessica and I sit up, we witness the worse reality that none of us would have ever expected to be ready to experience. Ever!

"TASHA!" screamed Shanice.

"Oh my god! Somebody call 911!" said Kiara frantically.

"Jinel, go get Ms. Davis!" shouted Tiffany.

"I'm on it!" Jinel says running.

As Jinel ran down the street to get Tasha's mother, Jessica and I flew over to Shanice to find Tasha lying on the ground bleeding. I began to scream; my heart was splitting into two. I began to cradle Tasha in my arms just as a mother cradles a baby.

For a moment, I went deaf to every sound around me; my heartbeat was all I could hear. I could hear the thumping of my heart but all along, I was praying that the heartbeat I was hearing was Tasha's even if it was just for another moment.

Before I knew it, Ms. Davis ran up the street pushing through the crowd trying to get to us. She fell to the ground screaming and crawled to where Tasha and I were on the blood-filled sidewalk. I could see her mouth moving but I couldn't hear anything. She leaned her head onto mine as we held Tasha's limp body together.

Suddenly, my hearing resumed; I can finally hear the hurt through the screaming from Ms. Davis. The tears were representing her pain as they were streaming down her face. As the sirens from the ambulance continue to grow closer, Tasha lay still while her dreams were turning into a pool of blood right underneath her body. I can't believe this is happening! Can you blame a teenage girl for enjoying the weather? Can you blame her for choosing to jump in between ropes? I guess someone did.

"Oh my God Tash'! Breathe Tasha, breathe!" I screamed out eerily.

"Don't leave us Tasha, please!" begged Tiffany as her tears fell onto the bloody sidewalk.

"Damn, I knew something was going to go down! I just knew it! Damn them!" shouted Jessica angrily as she threw her fists in uncontrollable anger before beginning to scream some more in Spanish.

As we were screaming, Tasha tried to look at us as if she was saying goodbye but I didn't want her to say goodbye. She closed her eyes and her body moved one last time; I feel like that last move was her exit out of this world but she's not done her journey yet. She can't die! We were all screaming with tears falling out of our eyes.

Tasha has been fighting to one day accomplish her dreams and now she's being cheated out of that chance. Ambulance sirens echo off the houses in the neighborhood and grow louder as they come closer. A crowd begins to gather and the usual commotion replaces the brief mourning of loss throughout the neighborhood.

The EMS workers jumped out of the truck quickly and ran towards us. One of the EMS workers gently moved me away from Tasha so they could do their best to resuscitate her.

"Let us do our job sweetheart; we're going to do our best to save her!" said the EMS worker softly.

I couldn't talk. I mean the words formed to say okay but they still wouldn't come out. I simply nodded and scooted myself back towards the fence and leaned against it in a state of shock. This cannot be happening! Shannon and Tati are standing near the fence watching in horror as the EMS fight to save Tasha.

Marcus and Amir are coming up the street with their basketball gear. They join the on-looking crowd trying to figure out what happened. Once Marcus spots Tasha lying there, he screams and hits the hood of his car that sits parallel parked on the street; I know that scream was for Tasha and not his shattered window. The pain is intertwined with his scream; I know my brother. One of his windows is shattered from a bullet but not as bad as my heart is.

The EMS workers kept trying to pump Tasha's chest but I think they knew it was no use. One of the EMS workers looked to the sky and broke down crying. The other EMS worker looked at the police officers who were approaching and told them they think she's gone.

"I'm calling it," says the EMS worker.

"Nooooooo!" was echoing through the crowd by just about everyone the moment they declared Tasha dead.

I mean here we were just double dutching and now just like that, my best friend is dead; lying out on the cold pavement lifeless as her aspirations were draining from her body into a pool of blood.

# 28

### AFTERMATH

Nightfall was quickly approaching and there I was...still sitting next to the bloodstained sidewalk where my best friend was lying just hours earlier. I'm still in shock; it seems like a dream no a nightmare that I won't be able to ever wake up out of.

As I sit there with a blank, stare on my face, my mother walks up to me. I'm steady looking at the bloodstained sidewalk; if the blood is fresh, does that mean Tasha is really dead? Tiffany, Kiara, and Jessica are standing motionless holding onto each other with their face filled with dried up tears; Jinel sat on the curb sobbing with her hands on her head and Andrea sat on the curb next to her quietly looking off into the street. Shanice was sitting on the ground next to the jump ropes blaming herself in between her crying and sniffles.

"This is all my fault! I wanted her to jump rope," says Shanice.

"Don't do that Niecy, don't," says Tiffany trying to comfort her.

Unlike my friends, my tears however wouldn't dry up. Hell they wouldn't stop falling from my puffy eyes. I wanted so badly to tell Shanice not to blame herself like Tiffany did but I couldn't find the words.

Just like earlier, I tried to talk; my mouth was moving but the words just wouldn't come out. I haven't uttered a word since everything went down. If I could find the words to say, I'd probably tell Shanice that it's my fault. I was blaming myself for skipping my turn to jump rope; if I didn't, Tasha would probably be sitting right where I'm at staring at my blood on the sidewalk.

I messed up the rotation; that should've been me in the path of that bullet. At least the guilt inside of me believes that wholeheartedly. Another part of me wants to blame Jinel for not ending her conversation with Ty and Shawn faster. Maybe if she would've just said hi and bye, Tasha would still be here.

However, no matter how much Jinel can piss me off at times, I don't have the heart to place any blame on her; I'll take the blame first. God I hate this! I'm feeling so many emotions that I don't want to feel; I feel mad, angry, sad, and I just want to cry. I want to blame the world; I want to point a finger but none of that will solve a thing.

My mind keeps recounting Tasha jumping in between the ropes. Suddenly as she's jumping, the ropes tangle up as she trips; she begins to collapse as the bullet lunges through her chest. Even through the gun smoke, I still watched the life being sucked out of my best friend.

The tears start to well up in my eyes so bad I can barely see out of them. I mean how did this happen? Stuff like this doesn't happen here! My mom finally kneels down and reaches out for me to hug her.

I slowly fall into her embrace; I break down crying as my mom squeezes me tightly. "Oh baby."

"Mommy, it's not fair! I get a cut on my leg, it bleeds, and it heals but Tasha gets shot, she bleeds, but she dies? Why couldn't she heal?" I asked sobbing so loudly. I finally found the slight courage to talk.

"Baby, I know it pains you to understand this but sweetheart it was her time to go. God wanted her back. She was only meant to walk this earth for eighteen years; no more, no less. She proved her point, she made her mark."

"It's not fair!"

"I know, I know! Tasha wouldn't want to see you cry. She understands you're hurt but she doesn't want you to cry."

"How do you know that?" I asked.

"Because she never wanted you to cry when she was alive so why do you think her soul would be okay with you crying?"

"I don't know," I said sniffling.

My mom kissed my forehead and rubbed my back as I continued looking down on to the ground. "Come on, let's go inside," she says softly.

I nodded and wiped my tears as I got up to go inside but not without giving my grieving friends one last hug for the night.

"Night' Ebbie," says Kiara hugging me. "You're going to be alright."

"I guess. Goodnight," I said as I hugging her back.

Shanice wiped her tears as she and Tiffany moved in to hug me. "Good night Ebbie."

"Night' Ebbie," says Jessica.

"Later E," Jinel says almost in a whisper.

I said goodnight as my mom waits for me to walk up the porch steps. She holds me as we head for the door. I can still hear commotion behind me as I walk inside.

"Go take that shirt off and take a shower when you get ready," she says to me.

"Okay."

I walked into my room in a daze. I sit on my bed crying as I open my journal. I lay across my bed just staring off into my imagination. There I see Tasha; still writing and always riding shotgun with me on our moves. I blink my eyes and remember that my imagination is only imaginary.

Tasha's gone but I still have a hard time accepting she's gone. I just want to go to sleep and wake up with her next to me just like back when we had sleepovers. Hell our last sleepover was a week before she died. I will never be able to get over her death but I know I'll have to get through it.

I use to pray every night and as time went on, I got lazy but that didn't mean I took praying for granted. I always keep God first so no matter what, I know he hears my prayers even when I don't speak them every night. Tonight, I pray that he helps me through this pain. I really wish I could receive an answer as to why this had to happened but I'm pretty sure like everything else, it happened for a reason.

I snap out of my trance, grab my pen and start writing. I can't take this shirt off; not yet. The blood is still fresh; this might be the last connection Tasha has with Earth. Once it dries, she'll fully be in Heaven with no connection to this place anymore. I'm trying to write but the words won't appear on paper.

This is the first time I've ever had writer's block in my life. Maybe I should give it a rest tonight. Nah, I'm pretty sure Tasha would still write regardless. I'm going to force myself to write what I have to say tonight. My face is dry but my eyes are still wet.

_Ebony's Notebook_ :

While the bottom of my shirt is covered in Tasha's blood, the top of my shirt is covered in my tears. Wish I was dreaming but I'm not. Today is one of the worse days of my life; I lost my best friend and in the worse way possible. When I say "lost" I wish it meant we got mad at each other for whatever reason and stopped being friends. I'd honestly feel better if that were the "lost" I was referring to; it would only be a temporary loss but the actual loss of Tasha is permanent. No more text messages, no more writing....no more writing competitions, no more laughter, no more reality checks and no more anything. All of that are now memories, heartbreaking memories. I don't know how I'm going to go on without her. My best friend got killed for no reason. I wish we would've gone to the mall or something. Oh best friend, what am I going to do am I going to do without you

♥ ♥ ♥

April 17, 2010

I put the pen down and began crying harder. I put my notebook beside me on my bed and lay down. My sheets are probably going to get bloody; I don't care. I'm too numb to do anything. I know Tasha would want me to be strong but I can't right now; the wounds are too fresh. I will heal eventually.

• • •

Although Tasha passed a few days ago, school is still in session. As much as it pains me to go to school, I still have to go. Everybody can feel my pain as they watch me sit down with my face buried on my desk. The whole class has been quiet today in Art and now in my math class; I guess everyone is grieving.

Shanice took it hard too; so hard that she was escorted to the grief counselor. I don't even remember how I got to math class; felt like I was sleep walking the whole way here. I tried to sit up straight but looking at the makeshift memorial for Tasha on the desks she sat at in every class we had together is overwhelming my heart.

Mrs. Hopkins didn't even create a case when I didn't walk up to her with my homework like I'm supposed to each day since we made that deal. Shockingly enough, I forced myself to do my homework I just didn't have the courage to do much like turn it in. Instead, the homework sheet laid at the top of my desk beside my notebook that I didn't have the courage to open as I stared off in a trance.

Mrs. Hopkins had a picture of something she drew and stood up walking towards my desk. She stopped and replaced my homework sheet with the drawing; she drew a picture of a girl writing in her notebook. I guess that girl was me.

I guess this picture is supposed to encourage me to keep writing even when the road ahead of me gets bumpy. I guess this picture is telling me to not give up on my dreams even though my biggest influencer is gone.

The bell rang and everybody walked out of class except me. I don't know I just couldn't move all of a sudden. Mrs. Hopkins rubbed my back and I began shaking my head; the tears started falling uncontrollably and I felt like a wave of heat just passed through my body.

"Come here, come here," says Mrs. Hopkins with her arms out.

I slowly stand up and walk into Mrs. Hopkins embrace. She hugged me tightly as my cries grew louder.

"I know sweetheart, I know. It's going to be alright," she assures me.

Mrs. Hopkins hugged me tight for about ten minutes. She even offered to walk me to my next class.

"Let me walk you to class sweetheart."

I nodded; that's all I could do. We walked down the hall slowly. Once we got to my English class, Mrs. Hopkins gave me one last hug before walking me inside.

"It's going to be alright okay? I'll see you tonight."

Again, I nodded and went to sit down. Mrs. Hopkins is coming to the candlelight vigil tonight for Tasha. Then again, I'm pretty sure the whole school will be there. I'm trying so hard to stay focused by I can't.

Once I sat down next to Tiffany, she pulled her chair closer to me and gently pushed my head onto her shoulder. It's like every time I even think about Tasha or hear her name, I get this huge lump in my throat; the lump is so strong that it feels like a sore throat. Tiffany and I sat there motionless and in a trance for the rest of the class period. God please tell me will this get any better.

Tiffany and I sit in class looking like total zombies. When the grief took Tiffany overboard, she began hiding her face on my shirt and started crying. The second she did that, I began crying; I couldn't even hide the tears. Usually I hate to let people see me cry in public but I cannot help it. I just watched my best friend die; that's not some kind of pain you can bottle up.

Isabelle placed a note on my desk; I had an idea who it was from. I was right, it's from Jabari. He wrote a note to me and instead of ripping it apart, I decided to read it. He was apologizing for everything yet again but mostly telling me, he wanted to apologize about Tasha in person; I could respect that. The bell rang everyone walked out of class. Jabari met me at my locker.

"Hey Ebony."

"Hi Jabari."

"I'm not going to waste your time right now with trying to figure out where we stand but I just wanted to say I'm sorry about Tasha for real. If you need anything, you know where to find me," he said reaching out for a hug.

"Thank you," I said as I gave him a hug.

He smiled and I cracked a very slight grin; I can't smile right now. Jessica and Tiffany spotted us hugging and came over to make sure everything was cool once Jabari walked away.

"Hey you alright?" asked Tiffany.

"Yeah, what was that all about?" added Jessica.

"He wanted to apologize about Tasha in person."

"Alright cool. Just making sure he wasn't starting no shit or bringing up anything about what y'all had with all that's going on right now," says Jessie with her arms folded keeping a strong eye on him walking down the hall.

"Thanks y'all but its cool," I said trying to crack a slight smile.

"Alright. Come on boo, let's go," Tiffany says as her and Jessica place their arms around me as we head down the hallway slowly.

# 29

### THE CANDLELIGHT

The white concrete that made the path of the sidewalk has turned into a memorial shrine. Friends, family, and neighbors even strangers place lit candles, teddy bears, and flowers in front of a blown up picture of Tasha; her senior picture. In the photo, her hair is down to her shoulders, large diamond earring studs grace her ears, she smiles hard but I guess that's the excitement of being a senior ready to experience college life.

However, our future is merely the past for her. Tiffany is holding a teddy bear so tight with her candle unlit in between the bear. Shanice has one of her hands covering her face with a lit candle in the other. Jessica takes her lit candle to Tiffany's.

Andrea stands there holding Jinel; this is the most vulnerable I've ever seen Jinel being. Hell, I didn't even know she had a vulnerable side. Well actually, I assumed she did 'cause mama always said people who act like they're tough always have a soft side that you'll one day see for yourself. I guess today was that day for Jinel.

Kiara places two teddy bears and lights a candle in front of Tasha's picture. Each person who has shown up for the vigil has lit a candle in front of Tasha's picture out of respect for her memory including me. Actually, I lit three of them.

A few reporters lit candles too; good to know that Tasha touched the lives of people who didn't even know her. Of course the media is here covering the story. You know, trying get the word out about what happened.

Tasha's older sister Shanna is about to give us a speech on Tasha's behalf. We all stand there holding our lit candles as the vigil is about to begin.

"I want to personally thank every one of you for coming out tonight as we remember Tasha," says Shanna's friend Darryl as he kicks off the vigil.

Shanna begins to give the entire community her speech. You could barely see the street. I swear the entire city of Silver Spring is out her in support of Tasha. It's amazing!

"When is enough going to be enough? Enough should start with the loss of innocence. It's sad to see anyone lose their life, but it really stings hard when you lose someone who had so much going for themselves. There I was in Atlanta, sitting in my dorm room; I wasn't ready for that phone call I got, but who could ever be prepared to answer a call about losing their loved one, nonetheless your baby sister and to gun violence? Nah man, that isn't right! Wish I never answered the phone, but even if I would've missed the call, that wouldn't change my sister's fate. I can close my eyes and see her, but once these eyes open, what I saw becomes a dream. My voice cracks whenever I mention her name. I was determined that she would go farther than me; I wouldn't have it any other way. When I saw how strong of a writer she was, I immediately made her realize her talent and fight hard to never let the flame of her dream burn out; somebody extinguished that fire. Of course, they didn't ask, but the fact of the matter is that they made the foolish decision to play God and on Tasha's dreams. I just want whoever did this to come forward. How much pain can you stand to witness? My heart is broken! My mom's heart is broken! My older sister's heart is broken! My brother's heart is broken! That's one too many broken hearts. I want to say that getting justice for Tasha would be for her to be resurrected and brought back to Earth to keep living, to relight the flame that should still be burning on the candle, but I know it won't happen. That flame is out and will never be relighted. However, you can relight the candle of justice. The next form of justice is to apprehend her killer or killers and one more thing...If you have a dream, keep on pushing!"

Right there it hit me; Tasha is getting through to me through her sister's words. Shanna continued drilling some knowledge into our hearts and some common sense into our minds.

"It would be disrespectful to Tasha if you bypass your dreams to settle for nothing of value. Whether you knew my sister or not, " _Fight for your dreams 'cause nobody is going to fight for you_ ," as she would say it best. You know, I've always been taught to be my sister's keeper, my brother's keeper but I'll be damned if I be his keeper, her keeper when I know they're wrong!"

"Amen!" shouted a few through the crowd.

"We live by this code...say nothing, no snitching. I mean, it's a universal code. I don't care where you live or what neighborhood you stay in. It's written in stone. Hell, I used to stand by it. I use to be like, " _I am not snitching! It's none of my business,_ " but as we make those comments, we're not showing any compassion to the families who have lost someone to senseless violence. In the back of my mind, I always knew that I would eventually abandon this code the second something happens to someone close to me. That's just it; I don't want y'all to wait until something happens to you or someone you care about to finally take a stand against snitching. Don't do what I did. Maybe if we didn't have that mindset and live by that code, so many lives would still be on Earth. All this fighting over a neighborhood when none of y'all was even born when it was established. You didn't name Wayne Avenue or New Hampshire Estates. You were born at a hospital and taken to that neighborhood to be brought up; the least you can do is respect it. There isn't anything wrong with showing your neighborhood the utmost respect to those who aren't from your community but why be willing to die for some street name that will still exist even after you're gone? Thayer Avenue, University Boulevard, even Arliss Street will serve as a home to thousands of people as the days, months, and years carry on. It's not going to stop existing because you're gone. We so often forget that. Some of us are allowing ourselves to be pawns in a war that doesn't exist. I mean come on; you're trying to turn our community into something it's not. We aren't living in a war zone; this community is full of love and strength, which is why we're able to drag on despite this current tragedy."

"Amen!" said a few through the crowd again.

"Maybe if I would've changed my mind frame, Tasha would still be here. Now I know y'all are like, _"Well Shanna, you didn't pull the trigger, you didn't kill her,"_ but see right there, that's the ignorance. I know you all have heard the quote, " _We all play a grave roll in our own destruction_." Had we changed our mind frames, our actions would be different. There is so much going on nowadays. Amongst the good lies the bad. No matter what, none of us has the right to play God and snatch the life out of someone. We have to stop killing ourselves; we have to! It's time we take a stand! Stop killing one another because right now, they see this and think we're disposable; I don't care if you're Black, White, Latino, or purple. It's time we prove that we aren't! Choose life over death! Our community is one that is tight-knit and doesn't experience tragedy to this magnitude, but the fact of the matter is that we're experiencing it right now and it's time to take a stand to prevent it from occurring again. Not one more! Not one more!"

"Not one more! Not one more! Not one more! Not one more!" chants the entire crowd including my friends and me.

We all began chanting louder. Shanna had us all in tears but it was tears of reformation, of strength, of endurance. You would've thought Tasha wrote it herself. Now I see where Tasha got her talent; now I see why Shanna is big in the arts. I never realized how poetic she really is. Once we all said a prayer, we went our separate ways. When I got in the house, the television was set to FOX 5 News. As a family, we all sat down in front of the television set to hear the story.

"A FOX 5 breaking news report," says a reporter as the FOX logo covers the entire television set.

"Tonight, a Silver Spring neighborhood came together to honor a slain teenager and to find resolve to crime happening around the area. Jane Dawson is live with the story. Jane," says reporter Cynthia Townsend.

Jane Dawson took over the story. "Thank you Cynthia. I'm here in Silver Spring with a community who is in mourning of the loss of a teen who had a promising future ahead."

The scene cuts from the reporter to scene shots from tonight's vigil. I don't even care that I can see us in the camera shots.

"What's supposed to be a neighborhood sidewalk is now a neighborhood shrine for eighteen-year-old Tasha Renee Davis. The beloved teenager lived along Bradford Road here in the Goodacre Knolls community of Silver Spring, Maryland. Davis was shot and killed along this sidewalk Saturday afternoon as she jumped rope with close friends. While it's confirmed that the teen was not the intended target, authorities do believe the intended target was present at the time of the shooting and that Davis was killed by a stray bullet."

The screen cuts to an interview with Officer Roberson. "There are a lot of unanswered questions however we do know that this young lady was an innocent victim. She had absolutely nothing to do with the dispute that is believed to be the reason behind this deadly shooting."

"Davis' mother also spoke out about the impact of her daughter's untimely death," Jane Dawson adds.

"My daughter was killed for no reason! No reason at all! It hurts and it hurts really badly. She was a smart girl who made the honor roll, even had multiple acceptance letters to college, which she was supposed to be attending this coming fall. But she can't now! It's not fair!" says Ms. Davis choking back tears.

Tasha's aunt Janice commented on how she felt about losing Tash'. "She was a pawn in a war that she didn't instigate or create. If that doesn't make you want to speak up and help us to get my niece some justice, we're going to keep losing the fight to save our kids. We'll lose our community! This has to stop! We have to stop the bloodshed now or else it'll get out of hand. Her blood is on all of our hands especially if we don't speak up! If we're not the solution, then we're the problem!"

"I don't want any other mothers shedding the tears that I am. We are a strong community and together we can keep our neighborhood from going astray," says Ms. Davis.

"Davis was a senior at Montgomery Blair High School here in Silver Spring and was set to graduate in just a few months. A letter has been sent home with the students, informing parents of the recently tragedy that took place this past Saturday. Blair High School's principal Aretha Johnson said Grief counselors are openly available to any student who finds themselves struggling to cope with the devastating loss of Miss. Davis," says the reporter before cutting to a sound bite from our principal Mrs. Johnson.

"It's truly a devastating loss to the Blair community. Tasha was a complete joy to be around and we want Tasha to be remembered for what she was, rather than what happened to her. However, we have brought in grief counselors and we're here to ensure the students that it's okay to grieve. Her death has come as a complete shock and now we just want to honor her as best we can. We're planning to hold an assembly in her honor this coming week," says Mrs. Johnson who was actually wiping away tears from her face throughout her interview.

"When asked about getting the neighborhood to speak up, here's what a few attendee's had to say," says the reporter.

"Just turn yourself in; don't settle for street justice," says Shanna.

"We as a community have to stand together; we can't keep losing our children to crime," says Mrs. Adams.

"We have to stop considering the fight for justice as snitching. As long as people keep quiet, we won't be able to find justice or peace," Detective Lewis says.

"I encourage the intended targets to come forward and tell us the truth; tell us what happened out there and why an innocent eighteen-year-old girl is dead. We need answers, the family needs answers, and the community needs answers. We have to get the killer or killers off of the streets before we have to give this speech again at another vigil," says Officer Roberson.

Ms. Janice comments again. "If you know something, say something! What if this were your sister, friend, or child?"

"It's not snitching! Speak up!" says Darryl.

Jane Dawson closes out the special news report with a neighborhood plea. "If you have any information regarding the death of Tasha Renee Davis, you are asked to contact the Silver Spring Police Department. Back to you Cynthia."

"Thank you Jane. Funeral services for Davis will be held this Friday, April 23rd at Saint Bernadette Catholic Church off of University Boulevard at ten o'clock. Everyone is welcome to attend her home going celebration. For more information, please log onto My FOX DC's website."

It seemed so unreal to be staring at this breaking news story. I mean you see these stories every day but you never expect them to hit close to home. What makes it worse is I feel like I'm not helping by staying quiet about Ty and Shawn; none of us are.

However, I can't say that they know something even though we heard somebody yell at them. Maybe I can convince the crew to tell Ms. Davis and she can pass it on to authorities without us being known.

I mean yeah, they say it's not snitching, but these cats out here are violent, plus I don't know where they're from or what they're capable of. I'm not trying to run away from my neighborhood out of fear. I'm trying to leave my neighborhood to achieve my dreams and be able to come back to visit without having to look over my shoulders.

I honestly feel like Tasha would feel the same way. I don't know; God I can't tell you how much that I badly wish this were a dream. I pray Ty and Shawn will speak up without us having to get involved. Then again, the two of them are hot about everything they do; they'll end up getting caught up without anyone's help. I don't want to think about it.

# 30

### DAY BEFORE THE FUNERAL

The sun is trying to poke from out of the clouds. As I walk towards the metro, I can still here Shanna's speech echoing in the back of my mind. I took in every word she spoke; each one had a powerful meaning but despite the triumph that we felt in her words, I am struggling to find the comfort lodged somewhere in between them. You know some people say that words can offer comfort but right now, I'm not so sure.

I find myself standing on the metro platform next to the sign saying "Silver Spring" looking down at the city life; just watching cars drive to where they got to go or and watching people have conversations along the sidewalk as they walk to the stores along the strip. I even spot a fire truck turning onto East West Highway towards 16th Street driving fast with its sirens on; I wonder what the emergency could be. I always loved people watching but I feel so lonely.

Tasha and I use to stand right here together doing this; sometimes Shanice, Jinel, Jessica, and Tiffany would be with us too. This use to be another one of our hangouts; at least me and Tasha's when we wanted to write.

This place brings a sense of peace despite all the noise of the city. No one but Tasha and I could understand the emotions we felt up here on the platform. Maybe that's what makes it so special. Tasha and I found this place to be a great spot to write. It feels so weird and I feel so empty sitting up here writing alone.

Half of my poems and my stories were developed right here along this platform with Tasha. Some people would struggle to write anything here. They'd find this platform and the surrounding area to be too noisy but not me. I've had some of my greatest ideas right here.

Glad I bought my notebook with me up here 'cause right now I only want to write. It'll help me to cope with this pain in my heart right now. As I sit along the bench on the train platform as trains pull up, pull off, and people walk pass me, I write in my notebook:

Ebony's Notebook

This is the first time I've really written anything since I lost my best friend. Her death made me numb in the hands and broken in the mind. I can't think straight and I damn sure can't concentrate. I'm fighting to recover the strength I lost after what happened last week. It's not as easy as they try to preach especially when you witnessed the traumatic event first hand. No matter what I do, the image of Tasha hitting the concrete plays over and over in my mind and even worse in my dreams; just like a broken record but with no sound, the memory keeps replaying. I still have my t-shirt that is covered with her blood on it sitting in my room. I know that sounds crazy but I haven't found found the courage to throw it away just yet. Maybe it'll help my process to heal if I get rid of it but in some weird way I feel like her blood on the shirt was a mark of her existence still on earth. I know that doesn't make sense and it probably sounds very weird. What I'm trying to say is that blood carries oxygen through our bodies so by her blood remaining on my shirt, she was still alive in some way. I mean it's dried up now but the day it happened, that's the emotion I felt when my shirt was blood soaked. However, I still feel like the blood on my shirt is a way to keep her near me. I just wish I didn't feel that way; that shirt only reminds me of the pain she probably felt as she crossed over from this earth to Heaven. That day taught me just how strong of an emotion pain truly is. I've never been this hurt before ever and I never want to hurt like this again; this pain is worse than my first heartbreak or what Jabari did and much worse than any cut I ever got. I know pain is temporary but I have a feeling that this pain is going to last a long time. Tasha was my other half and we had so many plans that are not going to happen now or ever but I don't think she'd want me to quit just because she's gone. Nah...she'd probably kill me her damn self in spirit somehow. I won't quit writing no matter what happens. The only thing that'll stop me from writing would be death but I don't plan on dying any time soon unless God is ready for me. I pray he isn't 'cause I have too much to live for, so much to accomplish. Then again, I'm pretty sure many people feel that way. I know for sure that if I were to die right now, I wouldn't want my family to be like "she was a good girl; she did nothing wrong." I make mistakes daily and I'm nowhere near perfect. The thought of death is scary within itself. I mean how are we sure we even exist in another realm? Is there truly an afterlife? I mean we're told this but we only go off of hearsay 'cause no one truly knows for sure. Like come on, have you ever heard of someone taking a vacation to Heaven. No, but even if they did, I don't want to know about it. Some days I feel like if there is a place we go when we die that exists outside of earth, it's Heaven; there isn't a hell. I mean it can't be! The amount of evil that walks this earth proves that hell couldn't be any worse than this. If you don't get it right in life the first time, I feel like you'll be reborn and made to start over again in another body. I don't know, I think too much....

My phone starts to vibrate; I got a text from my mom. She's looking for me. I text her back that I'll be on my way home in a minute.

I'll just allow my imagination to paint this picture of Heaven; a Heaven that includes my best friend's smiling face. I finished my journal entry:

Tasha if you can hear me, please place your hand on my pen whenever I write. Guide my thoughts to be stronger than they ever were; write whatever I struggle to say for myself. You'll always get credit for any success I ever earn.

I love you....

♥ ♥ ♥

April 22, 2010

Once I finished writing, I kissed the page. I slowly close my notebook, wipe a tear that was falling from my eye, and stare off for a minute. I then proceed to stand up slowly and walk down the escalator steps.

I walk to the nearest bus stop and wait for the bus to pull up so I can go back home. I walk pass so many people and what bothers me the most is that the person who's responsible for pulling the trigger that fired the fatal bullet that claimed Tasha's life could be among me.

Once the bus pulls up, I pay the fare and take a seat next to the back door of the bus; the bus begins to slowly pull off. I look up at the Discovery Communications building and all I can remember is Tasha many months earlier looking at that building in amazement praying that her talents would one day place her in a building just as large with the name of our company on it.

I begin pressing my lips together to try my hardest to avoid crying on this bus but it's just so hard. I glance down from staring at the building hoping that I can hold back the tears that are ready to flow down my face like a waterfall. Once I get myself together, I wiped my face and sniffled. As the bus heads northbound on Wayne Avenue, I put my headphones on and stare out the window as the sun starts to set on the city.

# 31

### THEN THERE WERE FIVE

I didn't sleep last night; Tasha's final moments were still on my mind. I've always heard that once you die, your entire life flashes before your eyes; everything you've ever done flashes back quickly like a movie clip before it all goes black like it's cutting to a new screen.

I wonder what Tasha saw the day she died. I wonder how fast the images of her life flashed back before it ended. Did she feel anything? Was she scared? Did she see a light at the end of the flashback ready to lift her soul to Heaven? Is her spirit able to float around on earth? Was she reborn as someone else?

Man, I honestly wish I knew these answers; you never think about this kind of stuff until something like this hit close to home. Tasha's life on earth was a story in itself but then again everyone who experiences life on this earth has a story. I feel like once she saw the last image of her life flashing through her eyes, her new story began; Heaven.

Funny, the forecast predicted rain today but the sun has been shining since sunrise; I think it's a sign. I am still not prepared to go to this funeral. Every time I walk to turn the knob on my bedroom door, I back up. This is the hardest thing I've ever had to do. Eventually, my mother had to come to get me so we can go to the funeral.

She opened my bedroom door and found me sitting on my bed staring out of my window at the sky. "Come on baby. It's time to go."

I dropped my head to the ground. I don't think I'll be able to do this.

"Oh baby. I know you're still hurt and I know it may not seem like it'll ever get better, but Tasha would want you to attend her funeral."

"I know mommy, I know. I just, I just didn't think it would be this hard. I mean...every time I tried to get up and walk to the door, I just couldn't. My best friend is really gone mommy.... I can't-"

My mom grabbed me close to her embrace and kissed my forehead. "It's okay baby. I know, I know. I promise you; you will find peace from this sooner than later. Maybe not now but you will eventually. Until then, let's not be late to the funeral. Do Tasha one last favor; be there for her even in death and let's go to the funeral. Okay?"

I shake my head with tears falling from my eyes. "Okay."

I grabbed my purse and my mom took my hand as we stood up off my bed together. We walked out of my room and headed towards the front door. As we stepped out onto the front porch, everybody was waiting for us. I could see Jinel, Tiffany, Shanice, and Jessica at the box more than likely waiting for me to meet them there. I tell my mother that I'm going to walk with them to the funeral.

"Hey ma', I'm going to walk with Jinel, Tiffany, Shanice, and Jessica to the funeral if that's okay?"

"Of course baby; we'll meet you there. Don't take too long though."

"Yes, ma'am," I say as she hugs me.

"Alright," she says placing a kiss on my forehead before releasing me.

Tatiana runs over to give me a quick hug. "See you Ebbie!"

"Bye Tati!" I said smiling and kissing her cheek.

"Keep your head up sis!"

"You know I'll try big bro," I say to Marcus crackling a slight smile.

"Good," he says smiling back.

As my mom, dad, and siblings walk in the direction of the church, I walked towards the box kind of broken. It's usually six of us chilling around here but now it's only five.

Once I arrive at the box, everybody has their head down. Shanice has her face in her hands crying and Jessica has her arms around her.

"Hey y'all," I say as I walk up to the box.

"Hey boo," says Tiffany giving me a hug.

Shanice looked up to say hi to me but not without sniffling through her cries. "Hey love."

"Hey _chica_ ," says Jessica softly.

"What's up girl," says Jinel calmly.

"Tasha would've wanted us to have a meet at the box before her services so you know...we just came up here," says Jessica still rubbing Shanice's back.

"I'm hip. It took my mom to get me out of my room. I mean this is so hard," I said deeply exhaling and looking to the sky.

Jinel shook her head. "I know man, shit isn't right! This shouldn't be her funeral."

"Right. Shit isn't fair!" agreed Jessica.

"Girl, life isn't fair but I agree this is one thing I'll never accept as fair," says Tiffany.

"Damn right," I said wiping my eyes.

Shanice came up with an idea. "Later on we should turn this into a shrine...you know so that whenever we meet up, Tasha will still be here in some way."

"That's a good idea Niecy," says Jinel.

"Yeah! We can blow up a pretty picture of her," says Tiffany cracking a smile.

"And I can make a copy of the photo we all took together at the box!" I added.

"That would be perfect mama!" Jessica said to me.

"Bet. We'll do it later then."

"It's a date," says Tiffany.

"Come on y'all, let's not be late," says Jinel motioning us to get off the box so we can get to the church on time.

"Word," says Jessica.

As we stand up to head towards the church, we all turn around and hug each other as we look at the box.

"We love you Tasha!" we all said at the same time.

We then turn around and hug each other as we walk towards the funeral. Jessica is holding onto Shanice and Jinel; Tiffany is holding onto me as I lead us towards University Boulevard. We watched many people dressed up walking in the same direction as us.

I believe Tasha is about to have a big turnout but it wouldn't surprise me; Tasha had a big heart and left an impact on so many people. Her funeral was being held at Saint Bernadette Catholic Church right across the street from Blair.

We could see the media outside of the funeral doing a report. Looks like Fox 5. As we get closer to the news crew, a reporter stops us for an interview. As much as I don't want this to be some big media hyped story, I reluctantly give in and allow the reporter to ask a few questions.

"Hey ladies, do you mind if we ask you a few questions?" the reporter asked us.

"No, not at all," responds Jinel without hesitation.

"Yeah I bet. She loves publicity," says Shanice slightly whispering.

"Shush! Chill Niecy!" says Jessica trying to avoid any chances of conflict today.

Shanice was reluctant like me but she wasn't really feeling Jinel's quick enthusiasm towards the press to discuss the loss of our close friend. I mean we will give them a statement but we're not excited to by any means. Jinel's response kind of came off as "oh snap, people are going to see me on the six o'clock news, let's do this!" Whether she meant to or not, that's the vibe we got from her actions and come on y'all know the saying, " _Actions speak louder than words_."

"Okay, what relation did you have with Miss. Davis?" asked the reporter.

I answer the first question. "She was our best friend... more like our sister. Then again, she still is."

"I see. How do you feel when people refer to her as the victim?"

Tiffany answered that question. "Well, her name is Tasha Davis, not, _"The victim."_ When people refer to her in that way, they're treating her like she's nameless and disposable. Her name was Tasha and will always be Tasha. Stop calling her the victim! It's not her fault that she was innocently jumping rope and lost her life."

"I know this day isn't easy for you and it hasn't been since her death. What do you miss the most about her?"

Jessica took this question. "I miss her smile."

"Her encouragement and influence she had on everyone including us. She always pushed us to do good things and always cheered for us when we accomplished something positive," says Shanice.

"I'll miss everything about her especially the writing competitions we use to have. She was a great writer and encouraged me to be a strong writer as well," I said as I tried to hold back my tears.

"It just isn't fair that she won't be able to attend college and become the writer she always wanted to become. She could get into any school; she was just so smart," says Jinel.

"I just pray her killer or killers are brought to justice 'cause she didn't deserve to have her dreams snatched from her," Tiffany added.

"I just pray that whomever done this sees how badly we're hurting and turns themselves in. We're in pain and it's time that you make this right if not for us but for yourself," I said as my voice began to crack and my friends put their arms around me.

The reporter wraps up the quick interview and thanks us for allowing her to ask us questions. "Thank you ladies so much! I again want to offer my condolences and apologize for your lost."

"You're welcome. Thank you," says Jinel.

"Thank you," says Tiffany and Shanice.

"Thank you, we appreciate it," I added.

"You're welcome. Thanks so much," says Jessica.

Once we finished the interview, Shanice still shot a pissed off look at Jinel.

"What?" Jinel asked Shanice.

"Why were you so pressed to do that interview?"

"What are you trying to say Niecy? I didn't mean to come off like that. I just thought it would be good to let people see her closest friends sharing her impact that she had on us."

"Well, it seemed like you wanted five seconds of fame!"

"First off, that's not even-"

Tiffany jumps in to stop Shanice and Jinel from acting like this especially today of all days. "Hey! Stop it you two!"

"This is not about you right now, it's about Tasha and I find it mad disrespectful for you both to sit up and be arguing at a time like this! Pick this crap up tomorrow but right now show some respect!" added Jessica.

"Real talk!" I said agreeing with Jessica.

"I'm sorry for real. I apologize I didn't mean to act like that," says Shanice changing from the aggressive tone she was just on back to the sympathetic tone she had before we got here.

"Me too. I'm sorry if my actions came off the wrong way," Jinel said apologetically.

I've never heard Jinel apologize so I'm honestly in real shock.

"I know Nellie," says Shanice.

Jessica took a deep breath. "It's alright."

"It's cool," says Tiffany.

"Are we ready now?" I asked.

"Yeah," nodded Jessica.

Niecy wiped her eyes. "We good."

"I'm ready," says Jinel.

"Me too!" said Tiffany.

"Alright, let's go say goodbye to our best friend," I said strongly.

"Okay," they all said again at the same time.

I'm finding courage that I thought I lost the day Tasha died. We walked up the steps of the church holding each other's hands. We honestly weren't as ready as we said we were or wanted to be but ready or not it's time to bury our bestie.

The mood was solemn but I guess that's the normal emotion to be felt at a funeral. Here I am finding myself pretending like I'm okay when inside I'm heartbroken. As her viewing was coming to an end, I knew it was time for them to close her casket but I didn't let them do so without taking one final look at my best friend. She still had the same look she always had; she looked so peaceful.

As crazy as this Earth is, I guess to be in Heaven is to be at peace. I kissed her cheek and placed a long letter I wrote to her in her casket beside a teddy bear stuffed in her arms. I hope her spirit can read my letter and show me in some way. Tiffany helped me back to my seat 'cause I swear my legs were too stiff to move by myself. I watched as they began to close her casket; the moment they closed her casket, I dropped to my knees begging them not to. The closed casket brought me back to reality. I've been in shocked since the day she died and now that the casket is closed shut, I know its official that this isn't a dream and she's never coming back.

"No, please don't close it! I don't want her to go!" I screamed out.

Ms. Davis and my mother ran to grab me, as did my friends. Just when I thought I found courage when my best friends' and I were walking up the church steps, I think I lost it again.

Other than the slight conversation I had with my friends this morning, this is the first time I've said anything about this whole thing since it happened; I would talk very little and respond with head nods. I surprised all of them by screaming out like this; nobody expected it. Ms. Davis and I are talking through our tears; the pain is the same but her will is proving to be stronger than mine.

"Baby girl, it's okay! It's okay baby!" says Ms. Davis holding me tightly.

"No it's not, no it's not!" I wailed out in pain.

"Yes, it is, Tasha wants you to be strong so come on sweetheart please?"

"Okay," I said heaving through my tears.

Ms. Davis walks me back to the seats and has me to sit right beside her during the whole sermon; Tiffany also came and sat beside me. I fight to straighten up especially once I find out that Ms. Davis added me to the program to recite something I wrote for Tasha. But before I recite my other letter to Tasha, Pastor Reynolds' gives his sermon but not without walking up to me to place a kiss on my head. He could feel my hurt I just know he could.

"Good morning," says Pastor Reynolds.

"Good morning," says everyone in the church including me.

"On behalf of Tasha's soul, I want to thank you all for being here as we honor her one last time. I know some of you are struggling with the loss of such a precious soul but let us rejoice in her accomplishments and not dwell on her passing."

You could hear scattered voices saying, "Amen," throughout the church. The pastor continues.

"Tasha Renee Davis was born on a cold day in February of 1992 but despite it being a bitter cold day, her spirit warmed up the hearts of her family. Ever since she was in the fifth grade, she aspired to become a writer and would write almost every day. She wrote up until her very last day. I believe God admired her talent and needed her to write for him in his gardens."

"Amen," says the whole church.

"Let us not dwell on how she passed but let us remember the joy she brought to those around her. Tasha touched so many lives and keeping her memory alive is what will help us to carry on."

"Amen!"

"Now, we're going to ask for Ebony Thompson to come up and share a beautiful letter she wrote for Tasha."

I took a deep breath before I began.

MY LETTER TO TASHA

I know what it's like to have a guardian angel walk alongside me here on earth. I also know what it's like to watch God call that same guardian angel back to his garden. Who am I to ask why? You opened your eyes for a purpose and closed your eyes for a reason. Your wisdom was born through observation. If writing could've saved you, you would've never died. Then again, I'm going to hold on to your legacy so no you didn't die; you just went on a permanent vacation and left me to write the words you didn't get a chance to. You accomplished all you were told to. You always delivered the truth even if I didn't want to hear it. I think you were too real to stick around here; I don't think the world was ready for someone who kept it so real. You spoke so much wisdom as if you've walked this earth once before. I've always said that I believe there's only one place to go after earth and that is Heaven. There's no such thing as hell; we're living in it. If we don't do things right on the first go round', God forces us to be reborn as someone else to try again. Maybe you were so real Tasha because you've made mistakes as someone else before your soul was placed into the body I knew was you all along. Maybe you were sent here to try it again to help others avoid making the mistakes you did; maybe you were here to pass off a message praying that at least one person received it. If that's why then I know for sure why God brought you into my life because I needed a reality check. Once God felt that you delivered the message and learned your lesson, he wanted you back because he felt that you served your purpose even if it meant just impacting the life of one other person; I believe that one other person was me. You had love for me even when I acted like I didn't have much for myself. I said I wasn't going to deliver my deep intuitive thoughts like I write down in my journal everyday but I thought it was very necessary. I wanted everyone to see just how deep you use to make me reach inside of myself and cause me to think deeper than I was ever comfortable with. Thanks to you, I'm not scared anymore. I'm comfortable with what I am, who I am, and where I'm from; at one point in my life, I couldn't say I truly was. As much as it hurts, I've come to terms that you were only meant to stay on this earth for eighteen years. You had a plan in life and my goal is to finish what you began. If you give me the pen, I'll write the words you can't. It broke my heart when you left; you never said goodbye. Maybe that was your way of saying "see you later" because you knew that the distance between here and the sky wouldn't change our bond. You asked me a while back if I was a thermometer or a thermostat. Here is my reply; I'm a thermostat. I saw what I was doing wrong and vowed not to adapt to it. I rather live another day to change my ways for the better. As much as I want to question God for why you had to leave, I know I can't. Although it pains me to know you're gone, it brings me comfort to know you're with God. You're forever my sister, always my best friend. Just 'cause you're gone doesn't mean I'll love you any less. Save me a spot best friend; one day we will be reunited but I promise as long as God is willing, it won't be any time soon. Hopefully, there's a "box" like the one we hung out at in Heaven. One day, we'll join you at "the spot."

Sincerely,

Ebony ♥ ♥ ♥

April 23, 2010

The church roared in applause and cries from many. I hit my heart and kissed my hand up to the ceiling of the church. Maybe Tasha returned it; damn I wish I knew! Ms. Davis gave me the tightest and longest hug; I moved her in ways that she probably couldn't even describe. I just realized that I wrote this entire speech for Tasha on the piece of paper in front of me on the podium yet I recited the entire thing without reading it. It's like she came into my body and said the entire speech for me; maybe she read the letter I wrote and remembered each word. I know for a fact my words are from the heart; she does too.

After the funeral, the pallbearers prepared to carry Tasha out of the church. We all sat quietly. They lifted her casket and began to walk towards the double doors of the church. The Pallbearers placed Tasha's casket on their shoulders as if she was a queen. Then again, she was a queen; a resting queen. I thought caskets were heavy. Maybe Tasha's wasn't. I mean she didn't weigh much. We get up and follow the pallbearers outside.

Ms. Davis wanted to show everybody from Silver Spring to Rockville what happens to young kids too often due to gun violence. Rather than place Tasha's casket in a hearse, the pallbearers placed her casket inside of a horse drawn carriage that carried her from the church all the way to Parklawn Memorial Gardens which was only eleven minutes up the street; at least in the car it was.

Police officers closed off the street as we all walked in the middle of it. As we walked behind the pallbearers, so many people were standing outside of their homes watching, and or crying. Employees of the stores along the strip we were walking even came out to pay their respects on the sideline. Even all the kids from Northwood High School stood outside the school; many joined us walking to the cemetery.

Tasha's funeral even drew up a march against violence. People walked with signs and shirts that said, "Save the future, stop the Violence." The kids, adults, teenagers, even my friends walked in silence. Hopefully people are taking it in. I mean this can become anyone of our realities. I'm just grateful that she touched so many people even those she didn't know; unfortunately, it shouldn't take the sudden death of an innocent person to make us come together although I've come to understand that this is usually when it happens.

I never would've thought that this same street that Tasha and I would walk along with our other best friends would be the same street we'd be watching her casket get carried towards a graveyard.

We arrived at the cemetery, watch as the pallbearers place her casket on their shoulders, and walk toward the open gravesite. They gently place Tasha's casket on the lowering device thing or whatever that thing is called. Everyone starts to surround the burial site and await the end of Tasha's memorial service.

"As we bid this loving young lady one last goodbye, please take another moment to remember her life. Ashes to ashes, dust to dust," Pastor Reynolds said as he throws holy water onto her lowering casket.

As Tasha's casket is slowly lowered into the ground, I slowly feel my heart lowering six feet with her. As we throw roses into the ground, I take out the letter I wrote for Tasha's funeral and wrap it around a rose. I then slowly throw the rose with the letter attached onto her casket.

The funeral and her lowering casket have truly brought my spirit back to reality. My voice of reason is gone. The funeral was over and yet I find myself still staring at this open plot that is now serving as my best friend's final resting place. I've always believed that when you're born you get two dates; obviously your birthdate and of course, your death date but the only person who truly knows your death date is God himself.

I don't believe stray bullets are strays; when a bullet pushes through your body and penetrates a vital organ, it was predestined fate. It was always your time to go but you didn't know it. The time and the place of your death was established the moment you were born.

Whether you're a day old, fifteen-years-old or even sixty-five years-old; that was your time limit here on Earth. God needed you back in his garden despite the pain that would be felt from those who loved you the most; God needed you more. Whether I want to understand it or not, God needed Tasha more. That bullet that ended Tasha's life wasn't a stray in God's book although to all of us it was.

I think we're all in hell and Heaven is the final step. Living on earth is like a test and Heaven is the finish line. Tasha's death proved to me that nothing and I mean nothing in this life is fair. I just hope and pray that her soul is free.

My friends try to slowly move me away but all of a sudden, this emotion flew out from the depths of my heart; it was this scream covered in pain.

"Tasha! I need you. Please don't go!" I screamed.

"Ebbie, come on boo," says Tiffany trying to hold me back.

"Not without Tasha, not without Tasha! We never go anywhere without her!"

"We know baby, we know!" says Jessica.

"Please! I don't want to leave her!" I begged.

Tiffany finally pulled me away and I laid my head on her shoulder. When Tasha died, it broke everyone's heart. Tasha was the victim of the, "Wrong place, wrong time," but I honestly think it was her time and God knew it. Even though it stabs me deeply to admit that I believe it was her time to leave, I have to accept it. I mean, I have no other choice but to accept it.

She was the hope of the neighborhood and her sudden death seemed to diminish the little hope we tried to maintain. She stuck by me even when I made the bad choices that I did. It broke her heart when I started turning bad but now it's the other way around. Maybe it was karma; I sometimes broke her heart with my rebellious ways and in return, she broke mine and left my side for good. But it wasn't her fault; she didn't ask to die. Ugh!

As protective as I am, I made sure she didn't fall victim to the trouble. Funny how after her, I was next up with talent but allowed myself to be afraid to be better. Everyone but me saw my full potential; I was merely afraid of it. Before Tasha died, she told me to never stop writing and now my promise to her is to not only continue to write but to also publish her work in her memory. I promise Tash', I promise!

As promised, we all walked back to the box to create a shrine for Tasha. We all stood staring at the box for a minute; I broke the silent pause as I walked up and placed two pictures in front of the box. The first picture was of Tasha just smiling as she usually did and the other picture was a group photo of us, which was taken right here at the box when we were a little younger.

When it rains or something, I'll bring her pictures and stuff inside. For us, this box is where it all started and for Tasha, it's where it all ended somewhat. We want to make this shrine so we can feel like we never lost her. She'll still be at the box with us. Tiffany walked up next; she printed out the same group picture of us and another picture we all took together. She taped the pictures to the box so that they'll always be there. She rolled the clear tape on top of the photos in hopes that they won't get destroyed even if it happens to rain. Shanice takes a black marker and writes Tasha's full name, birthday, and death date on top of the picture Tiffany taped. Jinel and Jessica placed flowers in front of the box. Once we finished setting up the shrine, we stood back and starred at the shrine while we embraced one another.

"I still can't believe this is real," says Jessica.

"Me neither girl," says Shanice.

"We love you Tasha!" said Tiffany.

"Wish you were here!" added Jinel.

"She is here and always will be here writing in her notebook," I said as tears flew down my face.

"Damn right boo, damn right!" said Tiffany wiping away my tears.

We stood there with our eyes focused on the personal shrine we made for Tasha; it was beautiful and just ours which made it special. I'm just hurt over the circumstances of her death; maybe if she died in a car accident, it wouldn't hurt so badly.

Then again, no matter how she died, it would've taken a toll on me. I don't know; I just want her back. I mean cars get into accidents; that's nothing unusual especially if someone is driving recklessly but a gunshot wound? That's a harsh way to go out especially when you didn't live by a gun.

Unfortunately, Tasha's death was a simple reminder that all over the world, kids are dying by gunfire; many of these children are innocent victims who played no role in the dispute that ultimately killed them.

Her death also proved that it could happen anywhere; people cling onto their stereotypes assuming that death to this extent only occurs in the worst neighborhoods. Totally untrue; my neighborhood by no means is the worse place to live and guess what? Death knocked on our neighborhood.

It can happen anywhere to anyone for any reason even if it seems like someone died for no reason at all. You might not understand why but God does. When innocent lives are lost, it's a mistake in our eyes but not to God; it was the way it was supposed to be in his eyes. I know the quote, "If you live by the gun, you die by the gun," but what quote do they have for those who didn't live by the gun but died by a gun? Here I go asking more questions that will float in our minds eternally without an answer.

# 32

### HIGH SCHOOL GRADUATION

Well, my high school career will be behind me in another half an hour; it's definitely been a bittersweet one at the least. I've accomplished so much and lost something so dear. All Montgomery County Public Schools hold their graduations at DAR Constitution Hall in Northwest DC.

The entire class of 2010 is standing in alphabetical order ready to walk across the stage of Constitution Hall to get their diplomas that they've worked hard to receive. Blair draped a gown across a chair where Tasha was supposed to sit in her honor; they also had a memorial slideshow which would be aired after all the names are called that is dedicated to her.

It made me smile 'cause she truly deserves it. It was now time for us to head into the ceremony. One by one, we walked into the packed auditorium hall; I kept looking around the audience to see if I could spot my family. It's so many people so I honestly can't tell.

"We are now ready to announce the graduates of 2010," says Mrs. Johnson who is standing at the podium on stage.

The audience began roaring in applause and I could hear my brothers screaming "Ebony!" I had to smile. Mrs. Johnson began to call the names.

"Raymond C. Anderson. Jabari E. Banks. Alisha T. Brown. Yasmine Cameron. Kiara A. Daniels. Jordan K. Davidson."

The names kept coming and the applause continued to carry on. Jinel started doing a slight dance as Mrs. Johnson called her name. "Jinel Akira Ferguson."

I could hear Shanice yelling Jinel's name. "Yeah Nellie!"

Of course, I had to cheer her on too even though she loves to irritate my soul. "Go "Nellie!"

"Yeah boo!" screamed Tiffany.

"Hey Nellie baby!" yelled Jessica.

Mrs. Johnson continues calling names and the cheering continues to echo loudly through the auditorium. "Shanice Lavinia Henderson," Mrs. Johnson announces.

Of course, you already know we cheered her on too. "That's my girl!" yelled Tiffany.

"Yeah Niecy!" I said yelling loudly.

"Go Niecy!" screamed Jinel.

"Okay _chica_!" says Jessica with her hands around her mouth as she screamed extra louder than all of us.

"Jared Hilton. Lana Jordan. Melissa Johnson. Joy Lancaster. Khalil Landry," says Mrs. Johnson as she continues to announce the graduates one by one and they continue to walk across the stage to accept their diploma.

The names kept coming and for some weird reason I felt nervous; I can't imagine why. This is supposed to be a day of excitement, not fear. I don't know, I think I'm just weird. Mrs. Johnson called Jessica and Tiffany's names.

"Jessica Alejandra Ramos. Corey L. Rivers. Tiffany Manuela Rodriguez."

I could hear Ms. Stephanie in the crowd along with Jessica's mom; one shouting in English and the other shouting in Spanish.

"Estoy muy orgulloso de ti bebe!" shouted Mrs. Beatriz.

"That's my baby! You better get that diploma baby!" yelled Ms. Stephanie.

"Those are my girls!" I scream.

"Yes! Y'all better strut across that stage!" adds Jinel loudly.

"Go Jessie! Get it Tiff!" yells Shanice.

The names continued to keep coming and coming. The line was moving faster as graduates walked across the stage once their name was announced. I was next and very anxious; I felt like I was going to pee on myself when I heard my name and I didn't even have to use the bathroom at all.

"Ebony Lamaya Thompson," says Mrs. Johnson.

"That's my baby!" screams my mom. I just knew she was going to be just as loud as Ms. Stephanie was.

"Daddy loves you! That's my girl!" my dad yelled out.

"Yay Ebbie!" screamed Tatiana.

"Go Ebbie! That's my sister!" added Shannon.

Marcus and Amir chimed in too. "I knew you could do it sis!" screamed Marcus.

"Yay Ebz'!" yelled Amir.

My mom couldn't help but scream some more. "We love you!"

I said it back but I know she can't hear me. I can honestly say that it feels so good to see my mother proud of me.

"That's my best friend right there!" screamed out Tiffany.

"Go Ebbie!" says Jinel loudly.

"Love you girl!" screams Shanice.

"Yes, mama! That's my girl!" added Jessica.

It felt so good to walk across this stage and even better to hear everyone cheering for me. I wish Tasha could be here but I know she is; her spirit probably walked on that stage twice. After the last person was called, Mrs. Johnson gave a special tribute to her as promised.

For five minutes, a photo collage that we all contributed to was shown over a large screen with her favorite song playing in the background; "Angel of Mine," by Monica. We laughed at some of the funny pictures, smiled at others, and of course, cried at many as the pictures in the slideshow continued to change. Once the slideshow ended, Mrs. Johnson continued with the speech.

"This past spring, Blair suffered the loss of a beloved student; Tasha Renee Davis. Tasha brought a ray of sunshine to each one of us and always encouraged those closest to her to give their all. Her biggest dream was to be a writer and she never let anyone stand in the way of her dreams. Her ambition was powerful and contagious. Her smile was infectious and we refuse to allow her memory to die. I pray that the loss of this innocent soul will remind us all to come together and utilize the strength of unity amongst our community. We will never come together if we lack unity. Tasha may be away from us physically but in our hearts, she will always live on. So let me award the last diploma of the day. Tasha Renee Davis!"

Ms. Davis walked up to the stage accompanied by Shanna to accept Tasha's diploma but not without a thunder of applause. They awarded her diploma with Tasha's senior picture in the background.

"We love you Tash! This one is for you!" I said wiping the tears from my eyes.

"We love you baby!" says Tiffany.

"We love and miss you!" added Jessica.

"We won't ever forget you!" said Jinel.

"You did it Tash! You did it!" screamed Shanice.

"Ladies and gentlemen, I present to you Montgomery Blair High School class of 2010! Congratulations graduates!" says Mrs. Johnson loudly.

As the ceremony ended, we gathered to take group pictures in our cap and gowns but there was something wrong. We realized one person of importance is missing. Damn this doesn't feel right. There's supposed to be six, not five.

"I'm proud of all of you! You did it!" says Ms. Stephanie giving us all a hug.

"Damn right!" Tiffany says excitedly as Ms. Stephanie shot a look at her. "My fault I meant dang right."

Ms. Stephanie chuckled. "No you said what you meant and its okay. I'll let it slide today since you're now a high school graduate."

"Yay me!"

"Ah, but don't get cocky!" she says pointing at her.

Tiffany giggles. "Yes, ma'am."

"We should throw a huge graduation party!" Shanice suggested.

"That would be bomb!" said Jinel.

Jessica clapped her hands. "Sí! Sí _!_ Let's do it!"

"I agree," I said slapping Jessica a high five.

"Ma' can we throw it at our house?" Tiffany asked Ms. Stephanie.

"I don't know Tiffany-"

"Come on ma' please? Please?" she said poking out her lip.

Ms. Stephanie stood there looking at Tiffany hard for a moment before agreeing to the party. "Oh okay fine," she says giving in to Tiffany's pouting.

"Yes!" Tiffany says jumping up and down.

"Yes! This is well needed!"

"Pretty much!" Jessica says agreeing with me.

While our parents were headed outside, we stood in a circle celebrating for a minute. Of course, Jabari came over to hug me but not without feeling uncomfortable with Jessie, Nellie, Niecy, and Tiff eyeballing him hard.

"Congrats Ebony!"

"Congrats to yourself," I said giving him a hug that didn't amount to how strong his hug for me was.

"I'll text you later."

"Yeah okay," I said brushing it off.

Jinel walked over to me first still looking at him. "Damn, he still trying?"

"You know he is."

"I wanted to pop him in his mouth!" said Shanice still focused in his direction.

"You'd hit him here at a time like this? You know he's a guy, right?" I asked almost laughing.

"Hell yeah girl! My hands are rated E for everyone; anybody can get it. He deserves a good pop!"

"Yeah he does but forget him; let's enjoy this day!" said Jessica.

We walked to join our parents as they were heading out of the building to their cars. Later on as the sun began to set, I laid across my bed looking at the multiple acceptance letters I've received from different colleges. Damn, my SAT scores were actually really good! Just think; a year ago, I wasn't even concerned about attending college and now I have numerous acceptance letters from different universities. I stared at each letter hard trying to think of reasons I should consider each college.

The first college; Hampton University. Marcus goes there and I definitely don't need him hovering over me. Maybe I'll pass on Hampton. After looking at the next letter, I decided that I'm going to attend Bowie State University and major in Communications with my concentration in Broadcast Journalism.

The next day, my girls and I were kicking it at the Oaks; we were talking about when I start school and stuff.

"When do you start?" asked Tiffany.

"Not until August girl; the end of August."

"You gonna' be turned up! I heard college parties are the best ones!"

"As long as you go to the right school!" added Jessie.

"Yeah like Howard; my cousin said they know how to party!" said Shanice.

"I bet! I've always wanted to go to a party at Howard," says Jinel looking to the sky before staring back at me.

I smiled at her. "Me too!"

"How come you didn't apply to Howard?" she asked.

"Too expensive. Trust me, I wanted to go but Bowie's not that bad."

"So you've heard," Jessie interrupted moving her fingers up and down.

"Yeah so I've heard!" I said mocking her as we started to giggle.

"We're going to miss you girl," says Tiffany grinning.

I sucked my teeth at her. "Damn miss me? I'm going to Bowie, not California!" I said laughing.

"Still, you're going to be away from us for like the first time ever!"

As Tiffany said that, I could see the hurt in Jinel's eyes. I never expected for her to break character like that; I mean she's looking defeated with a somewhat harsh stare on her face.

"Don't forget about us when you meet those other kids and shit," she said coldly as she looked off into the street before turning back to stare at me.

"Do you really think I'd just forget y'all exist?" I ask with a slightly bothered look on my face.

"I don't know; you have a mind of your own!"

"And you have a mind that you don't use," says Shanice rolling her eyes.

"Well, I'm not going to turn against you for nobody, okay?" I jumped in before Jinel could take a shot at Niecy.

"If you say so."

"Just admit it Nellie; you're going to miss her!" said Jessica leaning against her fist smirking at Nellie.

"Please."

"Please what? What's wrong with saying what you feel?" asked Tiffany.

"Yeah right!"

"Really?"

"Okay damn. I admit I'm going to miss you a little bit."

"A little?" I asked.

"How about a lot!" Jessie proclaims before Jinel can say anything else.

"I'm going to miss you," Jinel huffed after eyeballing Jessica hard and glancing back at me.

"And I'm going to miss you too but I'm not going far and I'm not staying on campus. So y'all will still see me. Besides, you guys will be at Montgomery College and y'all can transfer after thirty credits."

"Yes then we can be together like we've always been!" said Jessica.

"Right!" added Shanice.

"I guess so," says Tiffany kind of losing her smile.

"Tiff what's wrong?" I asked.

"My mom wants me to go to Cosmetology School."

"What that's great! Are you going to go?"

"I don't know."

"What you mean you don't know?" asked Jessie.

"Right! You're good at doing hair!" added Shanice.

"I'm just looking at the financial aspect of it; I need the money."

"Girl that's not hard!" said Jessica.

"Yeah well-"

"Are you scared or something because you know damn well you're good at doing hair and this is what you want to do," says Jinel.

"I am good at it."

"So what's the problem?"

She deeply exhaled. "What if I fall short of being just as good as my mom?"

"You should only want to be as good as yourself besides you're worrying for nothing!" I said.

"Right so cut the excuses and follow your dreams like Ebbie over here," says Shanice pointing at me.

Jinel grew an uneasy look and glanced passed us. What Tasha said from the jump was all beginning to come out true. Jinel is really afraid of lacking ambition. I take notice of Jinel while Jessie and Niecy tend to Tiffany.

"Okay, I'll try," Tiffany, says nodding.

"No you're doing it; not trying it!" added Jessie.

"Okay, I'm going to do it!"

I want all of my friends to be able to follow their dreams even if they have to risk everything to accomplish them. What's even sadder though is that little do I know, I was getting ready to learn that sticking together would be easier said than done. I have this uneasy feeling in the pit of my stomach because I know that the second I start school, everything is going to change; I just pray it doesn't change for the worse.

# 33

### BOWIE STATE UNIVERSITY

After losing Tasha and graduating high school, my focus began to shift towards my dream of being the best writer I know I can be. I have lately been finding myself straying away from my old friends; I knew that unsettling feeling I had that day with my friends was for a reason. I feel like we're losing touch simply because we aren't together every day like we use to be.

The metro bus pulled up in front of the bus stop located in front of the Business building. Once I get off, I walk to my right towards the Martin Luther King Jr. Building, which is home to a few majors but most importantly mine, which was the Communications department.

I look around at the campus; it's beautiful! Some kids are chilling on the brick ledges; others are walking towards other buildings with book bags on their backs and books in their hands. Maintenance men are fixing the landscape while campus police circle the parking lot looking for things out of place like students who lack a parking sticker or who parked in the wrong parking lot.

The MLK building seems to have the most students walking in and out. I walk inside and head towards the stairs. My first class starts at 9:30 so I have like six minutes. Once I get to the top of the stairs, I walk to room 214 to my English 102 class. I walk towards the back and grab a seat in the middle of the classroom. I'm already changing my life; the old me would've went directly to the back of the classroom no questions asked.

As soon as I sat down, another girl joined me in the desk beside me. "Hi."

"Hi," I said back to the girl, who was now smiling at me.

"I like your earrings," she said staring at my bright colored earrings as they dangled from my ears.

"Thank you!"

"Where did you get them?"

"I bought them from a vintage website called Etsy."

"They are so cute; I got to get me some!"

"Here, I'll give you the website."

"Cool!"

I wrote down the name of the website and handed her the paper. "Thank you!" she said taking the piece of paper with the website name on it.

"Not a problem!"

"I should've introduced myself first, my name is Alia Sanders."

"I'm Ebony Thompson, nice to meet you."

"You too. Is this your first semester here?"

"Yeah, how about you?" I asked her.

"Yup, I'm a freshman. Where are you from?"

"Silver Spring. How about you?"

"Hyattsville."

"Oh true. Did you go to Northwestern?"

"You know it! How about you? What school did you go to? I know Silver Spring has a few high schools."

"I went to Blair."

"Oh that's what's up! My cousin Ava goes to Northwood; she's a senior. Isn't that like a little up the street from Blair?"

"Yeah girl; it's off University Boulevard too."

"I thought so. I like Silver Spring plus those, "Battle of the Boulevard," games were wild though!"

"You've been to one?"

"Hell yeah! Ava always wants me to go with her. They were fun as hell so I always tagged along."

"Those games were always fun for me and my girls. If it weren't so many people, I'd be able to say I might've seen you."

"I know you don't have to tell me girl! Those games had so many people you'd think you were at the Verizon Center!"

"I know right," I said laughing with her.

"Yeah. You livin' on campus?"

"Nah," I said shaking my head. "You?"

"Hell nah! All that money you pay for a dorm could be used elsewhere. That's too much especially when you don't live but twenty-five minutes away."

"Girl, I completely agree! I'll use that money for gas or in my case the bus!"

"Okay!" Alia said giggling.

"Yes!" I said laughing with her.

"Hey, put your number in my phone," she said still giggling.

"Okay." I took Alia's iPhone and put my number in her contacts. "I'm calling my phone so I can save your number."

"Cool. Got it!"

"Good," I said as I added her name under my contacts.

As students plopped into their seats, our professor was walking into the class. "Good morning everyone!" said Professor Blackman.

"Good morning!" the class said back to him.

"If you're scheduled for English 102 section 566 at 9:30, then you're in the right place."

At the end of the class, Professor Blackman passed out the course syllabus and sent us on our way early; probably 'cause it's the first day.

"So what class you got next?" asked Alia.

"I got African American History at 11:00. What about you?"

"Who's your teacher?"

"Um, Professor Bentley," I said squinting at my schedule that I took a picture of on my phone from Bowie's Bulldog Connection website.

"Stop lying!" she said excitedly.

"I'm serious!" I responded giggling.

"Girl, I got that class too!"

"Yes! That's what's up!" I said equally excited.

"Well, its only 10:00; want to go get breakfast?" Alia said looking at the time on her phone.

"Sure, where at?"

"The café."

"Yeah cool. You got flex?"

"Nah just good old debit. You?"

"Team debit boo!"

"True. Let's hit it."

We headed out of the MLK building towards the Student Center to get something to eat. Alia and me have been giggling and talking since we walked out of class; I definitely think she's going to stick around. Even after my third and last class, Alia offered to give me a ride home. Now usually I'm too proud and I don't want to be of any trouble but she insisted.

"Are you sure?" I asked Alia opening her car door.

"Girl yes! Your house is technically up the street in my opinion. I don't mind so get in the car!" she said giggling at me.

"Okay. I'll give you gas money if you need it."

"Girl you do not have to give me any gas money. I don't believe in gas money because I simply feel like if someone asks you to take them somewhere and you do it, that's on you. Like if, Ava called me to see if I'd take her to Virginia and I am crazy enough to say yes, that's my fault when it comes to my gas tank. I mean you don't have to drive anybody anywhere."

"That's true as hell! I feel the exact same way."

"Exactly so relax; I got you!"

"Okay," I said as we shared a smile.

Alia is really cool. It feels good to find someone at school who thinks like you and possess the same personality. As we head towards the Baltimore-Washington Parkway, I can't help but think I made the right decision by choosing Bowie State. However, I'm pretty sure these four years are going to fly by.

• • •

On the weekends, I work a part-time job at a tool store downtown, usually four hours a day in the morning. Hey, if I worked at a clothing store, I'd be broke. Regardless, I'll be so glad when it's over; I'm praying for self-employment.

"Ebony!"

"Yes Cameron?"

"You're coming with us to Sonic next weekend, right?" he says smirking.

"Why do you even ask me when you know I'm going to say yes anyway?"

"No here's a better question; why do you ask her when you make her go anyway?" asked Calvin.

"No bullshit!" added Eddie putting screwdrivers on the shelf.

"This is extremely true but also because it's rude to just abduct you and put you into the car," says Cameron shrugging his shoulders.

"Whether it's illegal or not, you're still going to do it anyway!" I said laughing.

"Well, as long as you know!"

Cameron, Calvin, Eddie and I became close when they started working here a few months ago. We always make food runs together or take long distance trips. Seeing how this isn't pay week, we usually don't do much until it is; I mean when you're broke, you have to lay low.

"I'll talk to y'all later!" I said as I put on my jacket and headed home.

"Bye!" Cameron said running to hug me.

"See you later!" said Calvin as I walked over to give him a hug.

"You are a candy bandit!" I said shaking my head.

"I can't help it!"

"I need to refer you to my dentist; you'd buy her a whole new house out Bethesda the way you eat sugar."

"Speaking of, when is your next dental appointment?" asked Cameron.

"Monday at 1:30 actually."

"Should've known!"

"Hey I can't stay away from her for too long! She's pretty much my second mom."

"That's really sad."

"No it's not!" I said giggling.

"Okay," he said huffing as usual.

So I forgot to mention that I'm a repeat offender when it comes to my dentist and I am not ashamed; I go at least once a month. I have changed my sugary intake but it's a little too late because now a sister has cavities. I'm a disaster but I'm _her_ disaster. Besides I love going her office and I've been going to her since I was four-years-old so I enjoy going to Bethesda to see her.

"Don't you have class on Monday?" Eddie asked.

"Nah, my classes are canceled this Monday due to some special event happening at school."

"Uh-oh don't go shopping at DSW!" added Calvin in between bites of his sour watermelon candies.

"That DSW is out of her tax bracket. Trust me; we embarrassed ourselves by standing in there," says Cameron with a straight face that was slowly turning into a smirk.

"I hate you!" I said laughing loudly which caused them to join in.

"Love you too!" he yelled loudly.

"Bye for real this time!" I said laughing out of the door.

"I'll call you later!" Cameron said still practically yelling through the store.

"Bye!" added both Calvin and Eddie.

Cameron is practically my male best friend; I look at Calvin and Eddie as brothers. They make me enjoy work much more especially when I know they're there. I really wish this was pay week though because I could really go for a caramel shake right about now.

# 34

### SONIC TRIP

While I'm not the happiest working at a tool store, it does have its benefits. One of these benefits includes the new people you meet and work with during your shift. As I've mentioned, Cameron, Calvin, and Eddie are my good friends at work. Today is payday and that means we usually go out to do something especially before Calvin blows all his money on candy or other stuff that I won't mention.

Our usual outing most of the time includes going to Bon-Chon so that Cameron can blow twenty-four dollars on some Korean chicken wings and we make Sonic trips seeing how it's only up the street from Bon-Chon. However, these places are not in Silver Spring. We go to Ellicott City to get this food. Now there is a Bon-Chon in Rockville but Cameron is particular about where he gets his wings.

"What you getting?" Calvin asked me.

"I want the seafood fried rice but I don't want to eat squid-ward."

The whole car erupted in laughter once I said that. Anybody who has been around me long enough knows that I'm always down when it comes to fried rice. However, in Bon-Chon's fried rice, it has shrimp, scallops, and squid in it. I do not like squid and not because it's nasty but it's too chewy. My dentist....I mean second mom has always told me, "Nothing sticky, gummy, or chewy." Squid is chewy and if it has a taste, I would never know it.

"Well, get the chicken fried rice!" added Cameron as he honked the horn at a car cutting in front of him on the beltway.

"Hey Cameron; let's not die!" I said smirking at him and holding onto the back of the passenger seat headrest.

"Oh please; you are fine!"

"Yeah as long as you keep your big ass hands on the wheel!" replied Calvin.

"You know what!" Cameron said trying to grab Calvin.

Eddie grabs the wheel while Cameron tries to throw his hands in the back to hit Calvin. Calvin always sits directly behind Cameron whenever he drives us somewhere so that when he says something smart, Cameron will end up struggling to reach him. Eddie sits in the passenger's seat so that when Cameron foolishly removes his hand off the wheel to try and hit Calvin, Eddie can take the wheel to ensure our safety as he says.

"I'm here to ensure the safety of everyone in this car," says Eddie calmly as Cameron placed both of his hands on the wheel.

I sit in the back because allegedly I say funny things that they claim will get us killed. However it's not my fault that I am a funny person and that they didn't learn in driving class to keep their hands on the steering wheel at all times regardless of the situation. In the words of Cameron, "that sounds personal."

"Are we going to Sonic?" asked Calvin.

"What do you think?" Cameron responded.

"Well, I think you forgot who you were talking to!"

"Oh really?"

"You know what; fight me right now!"

"No!" yells Eddie laughing and leaning near Cameron to get ready to grab the wheel.

"Look here bra; I just want to eat my non-squid-ward rice in one peace," I said moving close to the window to avoid getting hit 'cause I know Cameron is going to try and hit Calvin.

"Exactly! Thank you!" says Eddie as Cameron avoids hitting Calvin and places his hands back on the wheel.

"Fine but I'll get you!"

"Yeah right!" Calvin says laughing.

I wish I could tell you that this isn't normal but I can't. These two do this every time we go somewhere. Eventually I see the exit for Route 40 in Ellicott City. We merge off the highway and headed to Bon-Chon. Once we pulled up and entered the restaurant, we sat down and ordered our food. I ordered my chicken fried rice and Cameron ordered his wings that he always wants. They had better be good for how much he pays for them.

Once we finish eating, we head to Sonic, which is only a few minutes up the road. Calvin has a tapeworm that always wakes up when we're about to order food. I don't care if he already ate a big meal before we go to someplace else; he still is hungry. I don't know how he isn't fat.

Just watch; you're getting ready to see how he orders when we pull up at Sonic. My advice to anyone; order before Calvin does or else you'll be waiting forever! Cameron, Eddie, and I place our orders first from the car window before Calvin does. When he orders, he usually gets out of the car and leans on Cameron's door staring at the menu as if he's never ordered from here before; this is no shock because he does this every time. After five minutes, he hits the red button to order.

"Welcome to Sonic; what can I get you?"

"Let me get uh large Brownie Master Blast, the six count Mozzarella Sticks, a large Rainbow Slushy, the Cinna-Stacks-"

"Is he serious?" Eddie asked.

"You know he is! I can't believe you're even shocked," says Cameron.

"Can I get bacon on that Sonic cheeseburger?" Calvin asked the waiter.

"You sure can!" he said enthusiastically.

"Great. Ooh I think I want a Hot Dog kid's meal with bacon, onions, and ketchup."

"Sure thing; what's your drink?"

"A root beer please."

"Sure, anything else?"

"That's it," he said somewhat unsure.

"Okay your total is on the bottom of the screen."

"I'm so glad I already ordered!" I said laughing.

"You and me both!" added Cameron.

The Sonic waiter comes out with my caramel milkshake as well as Eddie and Cameron's order. Once Calvin spotted Cameron's Honey Barbeque Boneless Wings, he immediately wanted them.

"Oh snap I think I want those!" he said hitting the red button on the screen to order again.

"Oh no!" said Eddie laughing.

"Welcome to Sonic, my name is Tiffany; how may I help you?"

"Can I get the boneless Honey Barbeque Wings?"

" _Tiffany,"_ I whispered to myself, as I started glaring out of the car in a daze.

While Calvin was ordering more food, I felt like my world froze the second the lady said her name was Tiffany. It really hit me that I miss my best friends so much! I mean I'm having a great time with Eddie, Calvin, and Cameron; I always do but I really miss my girls.

Nothing can compare to what we had. I wish things could go back to the way they use to be before I started college but I can't rewind the clock. Let me try to just enjoy the moment and put this sadness in the back of my mind for right now.

"Are you done now?" asked Eddie.

"You have spent almost thirty five dollars on food just here!" said Cameron.

"Not to mention what you bought at Bon-Chon," added Eddie.

"I might be. Are we still going to Wal-Mart? I need some snacks."

"Calvin are you joking?" I asked sarcastically as I giggled at him.

"You know I'm not!"

"Lord, let's go to Wal-Mart," says Cameron as he got ready to pull off after the waiter brought Calvin all of his food which was pretty much all of Sonic's inventory.

"Damn I know they love to see you come!" I said as Calvin was grabbing all his food.

"I'm the reason they will never go out of business!"

"No bullshit. If you went to more restaurants, they would never have to worry about filing for bankruptcy."

"Damn right!"

"Let's go," says Cameron slowly backing up.

Of course, as Cameron was beginning to back up, Calvin thought of something else he should order. "Ooh I should get some chicken tenders."

"And we're leaving!" Cameron said backing up faster and speeding off towards the stoplight.

# 35

### MISUNDERSTANDING

While I'm making new friends at school and at work, they don't compare to my day ones if you know what I mean. I miss hanging out with my best friends as we use to I mean we were inseparable. I just want to hang with them today and pretend like nothing or nobody else exists.

I go outside looking for them at the usual spot; since they're not at the Oaks or the box that meant they were at Terrace Park. As I get closer, you can hear the sounds of cars passing by on the highway.

Once they spot me, they grew happy as ever. "Ebony!" they said running towards me.

"I missed you guys!" I said hugging them.

"We missed you too!" said Tiffany as her and Jessica hugged me.

"I think I'm seeing a ghost!" Shanice said running to give me a hug.

"What's up Miss. Bourgie...I mean Miss. Bowie," says Jinel without looking in my direction.

Shanice looked over at her annoyed. "Pay her no mind!"

"Anyways, what's up with you guys?"

"Girl, same ol' thing! How do you like school?" asked Jessie.

"Man Jessie, I love it! You guys should go there. I mean it's so much fun!"

"That's good! Meeting new people?"

"Yes girl on the daily but none of them can replace you guys."

Jinel rolled her eyes while twirling the basketball in her hand.

"Aww you still down for your day ones!" said Tiffany as we did our handshake.

"Always and forever! Nobody can replace you all!"

"That's good to know!"

"Yeah, it's good to see that school hasn't turned you into a total sellout," says Jinel grinning as she cut her eyes while bouncing the ball.

Before I can even say anything, Jessie steps in to stop anything from going down. " _¡Lo juro por Dios!_ Jinel don't start!"

"Start what?" she said as she stopped dribbling the basketball.

"Doing the most that's what!" added Shanice.

"I mean she's been distant for how long and she now remembers us all of a sudden? She blew us off last weekend to hang with that Alia girl!"

Shanice looks up to the sky. "Oh my goodness-"

"Here we go!" added Tiffany somewhat agitated.

"Alia asked me to go somewhere with her before you even hit me up Jinel. You came through with that last minute bullshit!"

"Oh so my plans are last minute bullshit? They weren't bullshit before you started that punk ass school!"

"Jinel!" screams Tiffany who by the looks of it has had enough of her bullshit.

"No Tiff! She needs to hear this."

"Nobody wants to hear your jealousy today!"

"You always take everything I say out of context!" I cut in as Tiffany and Jinel were having a stare off.

"And that surprises you?" Jessie asked laughing.

"I thought she would've grown up a little bit!"

"Yeah, you've been a bookworm. Age hasn't done anything with her mind frame."

"I see!"

"Oh so I'm immature?" Jinel broke in.

"Hell yes!" we all said together.

"What was your first guest?" asked Shanice.

Jinel rolled her eyes and threw hands up at us.

"Anyways, I'm sorry I blew y'all off last weekend."

"No, it's cool. Don't trip," said Tiff.

However, I knew it wasn't cool just by how she said it; she was trying to save face and her body language gave it away.

"Nah, it's not cool. I should seize every opportunity possible to hang with you guys."

"Girl, it's okay! We're not mad. Well, at least us three aren't," says Shanice looking over at Jinel before turning back to me shaking her head.

"Yeah right," Jinel says rolling her eyes before staring back in my direction.

"Let me make it up to you guys; let's hang out tonight. Let's go around the way and get something to eat."

"I'm down!" Tiffany says smiling more comfortably.

"Sounds good to me!" said Jessica.

"I'm game!" added Shanice.

We turned to look at Jinel to see if she was going to come. "You coming or nah?" I asked.

"Yeah, I'm coming," she said looking at me suspiciously.

"I bet you are," Shanice said slightly whispering.

"You know what?" Jinel asked Niecy with an attitude.

"No I don't actually; what's good?"

"Will you two shut up?" asked Tiffany.

"Let's go before these two end up at each other's throats," said Jessie pushing Tiffany and I away from them.

The two of them stop and eventually catch up to us as we headed in the direction of my car; well it's technically still my mother's car but it will be mine real soon.

"So y'all want to catch the bus or do you want me to drive?"

Shanice looked damn near offended almost once I said that. "Homegirl we've been riding the bus for years. Why would we pass up a car ride for public transportation?"

"Ha-ha my bad! I don't even know why I asked."

"Neither do I!"

We laughed as I unlocked the car and everybody piled in; Tiffany sat upfront with me. "This car still has the new car smell," she says.

"You think?" I asked in shock.

"Yeah. How old is this car anyway?"

"It's about eleven-years -old."

"What?" said Jessica. "Stop lying!"

"Nah it's almost eleven-years-old. This car brought Tatiana home from the hospital."

"Damn, you would never even notice it because it still looks and smells new."

"Well, thank you."

"Of course."

Shanice began rubbing her stomach. "So where we going to eat?" she asked.

"I don't know. Where y'all wanna' go?"

"How about we get some tacos?" asked Jessica.

"And some red beans and rice?" added Tiffany smiling.

"Say no more. Let's hit it!" I said pulling off.

They giggled at my reaction to getting red beans and rice; they know it's my favorite. Jinel is very quiet which I know can't be good. She's usually always talking shit. Oh well, I feel like I'll find out the reason behind her silence sooner than later.

We pulled up in front of El-Gavilan restaurant on Flower Avenue, which was Jessica's favorite Salvadorian restaurant. We could've walked but I rather drive my friends in my car. Once we got out the car, we walked inside and found a table.

" _Hola Jessica!_ "

" _Hola Senora_ _Carla_!" said Jessica waving as she took a seat in the booth.

"Why didn't I guess that you knew the folks that work here?" Shanice asked laughing.

"You should've assumed it! Y'all will love it though, their food is bomb!"

"Okay," says Tiffany as she looked at the menu.

I stared at the menu and made my mind up instantly. "I know what I want. My tacos with some Pico de Gallo."

"You are a sucker for chopped up tomatoes, onions, and cilantro," says Tiffany laughing.

"Right and she claims she doesn't even like tomatoes!" added Jessica laughing with her.

"If they're not cut like Chipotle's or diced with onions, they're _no es bueno_!" I said to Jessica.

"Of course you'd say that."

As we grew deeper into the conversation, my phone began ringing. I looked at my phone and noticed that it was Alia calling me. "Oh snap its Alia! Let me see what's up," I said turning to answer my phone at the table.

Now I know initially Shanice, Jessica, and Tiffany weren't bothered by my friendship with Alia but as I answered the phone, I instantly could smell tension. They looked at me with a blank face. Tiffany turned to Shanice as they looked confused and unhappy that I'm not spending time with them.

"Oh but I'm paranoid, huh?" said Jinel matter-of-factly as she threw her hands up and leaned back in the booth.

Once she said that, Jessica, Shanice, and Tiffany looked as if they were taking what Jinel said into consideration. As I suspected, I knew Jinel would break her silence the second something happened or shall I say the second she felt I was doing something wrong.

"Hush Jinel-"

"Nah Jessie! Stop trying to play it off! She supposed to be spending time with us like she said with no distractions like she promised!"

"She's talking to her friend!"

"Yeah...her best friend! Watch they're going to start doing everything together and then she'll forget all about us."

They each grew a worried look on their face as they started to imagine if my friendship with Alia is the end of our relationship as best friends, which isn't true. I could hear the whole conversation from my other unoccupied ear and told Alia I'll call her later.

"Alia, let me call you back," I said hanging up my phone.

"Are you done now? Can we get back to the time we're supposed to be spending together?" asked Shanice with a sour look on her face.

"Yes I'm done. Why you guys looking like that?"

"We just were hoping to spend time with you without other distractions," says Jessica.

"I apologize if Alia is a distraction," I said shrugging my shoulders.

My friends kept a harsh look on their face except Tiffany; she sat there emotionless trying to hide any trace of having a problem because she didn't want to be mad at me.

However, I knew there was still a problem. "So what's the problem 'cause you all looking at me like I did something wrong."

"No problem here," says Shanice shrugging with a smirk on her face, which I knew, meant whatever and that isn't good.

"So y'all just going to sit here and let Nellie cause you to be mad at me all of a sudden? This wasn't a problem up until Alia called!"

"First off let me explain something to you," says Jessica as her voice turned cold. "If we ever get mad at you, it was because we're mad not 'cause of Jinel. She ain't got a damn thing to do with anything!"

"Like hell!"

"It seems like the second Tasha passed away, you became fake!"

The second Jinel said that, everybody jumped on defensive mode especially Jessie. "Whoa don't do that!" said Jessica lowering her eyes.

"Yes leave Tasha out of this!" added Tiffany.

"Leave her out? Leave her out?"

"Jinel!" said Shanice growing a cold and angry look on her face.

"Be upset but don't drag Tasha into this; show some sensitivity!" says Tiffany.

What's funny is that even though Tiffany, Jessica, and Shanice are somewhat unhappy with me, they still try to comfort me after Jinel mentions Tasha. They knew that out of all of us, Tasha's death is still a fresh wound for me.

"I swear to God you got one more time. Keep her name out your mouth," I said in a low but pissed off tone.

"Okay Ebony! Regardless of what she said, it doesn't matter! Let's just try to enjoy the rest of this night," says Tiffany trying to get me to focus on other things and avoid getting angry.

Unfortunately, it was too late because I was beyond angry. "You know what; I think y'all would be better off enjoying this night without me!" I said getting up to walk outside.

"Ebony wait!" said Jessica as her and Tiffany get up to run outside after me.

As I opened the door of the restaurant, Jessica and Tiffany ran out of the door after me. Shanice sat there with Jinel in a trance. She felt bad for allowing Jinel to make her grow upset about my distance but also scared that what Jinel was saying could be true.

"See...I told you we didn't mean shit to her now that Alia exists. I won this battle!" she said cutting her eyes. "She got me messed up!"

"Jinel, shut up! The only person who got shit messed up is you!" said Shanice, as she was sick of Jinel always creating this form of confusion.

She placed her face in her hands with her elbows on the table. I know she's pissed off with Jinel. After all, she's the reason this crap went down the way it did. Jinel glanced back at the restaurant door before looking back at the table shaking her head.

Tiffany chased after me. "Ebony!" she screamed.

"Ebony! Wait up!" Jessica also yelled.

I stopped to let them catch up. "What?"

"Where are you going?" Tiffany asked.

"Home since nobody wants me around."

"What are you talking about?"

"I mean you guys are upset about Alia, right?"

"Ebony we miss you being around, that's all! We were hoping tonight we could hang like we use to!"

"We can!"

"Then why are you leaving?" Jessica asked.

"'Cause I felt uncomfortable I mean Jinel is sitting right in my face trying to convince you all that I'm trading y'all in."

"I mean she only said things that did worry us a little bit."

"Like what?"

"Like the fact that you blew us off almost every other weekend since you started school to hang with other friends. Now Ebbie, I might not always be right about things but I have learned that friendships die out when there is separation. You're going to Bowie and we're not! We don't understand what you're going through but other kids at your school do. You make friends with people that you have things in common with. Our friendship is losing its common ground because we're not dashing for the same dream."

"Jessie, y'all know I would never replace you!"

"I know but the actions you've been showing us were speaking louder than your words and it hurt us somewhat."

"Why didn't you guys just say that?"

"'Cause we don't want to start confrontation. Then you'll really stray away from us."

"No I won't! When you all start feeling some type of way about something, I need y'all to tell me so we can handle the issue. I can't address it if I don't know the problem."

"Okay fine! Here's the problem; you're supposed to be hanging with us not talking on the phone!"

"Okay. I'm sorry for real. I'm also sorry if I made you all feel left out."

Tiffany and Jessica nod silently and hold their fists out for a knuckle-touch. I silently take my fist to join in on the knuckle-touch; we each cracked a smile that almost seemed somewhat phony.

"It's cool. Look, let's just go back in there and eat our food," says Tiffany.

"Okay."

I nodded and we went back inside to try it once again from the top. We ordered our food and waited to eat. We tried to start a new conversation but something wasn't right; it just didn't seem genuine as it usually is between us. I know my friends don't want to start any confrontations but I still think me separating from them is bothering them much more than they want to admit to. Well, everyone except Jinel. Once the food came out, we sat at the table trying to eat our food when Jinel tries to pick up the drama where it left off.

"So Ebony-," Jinel says with a smirk on her face.

"Jinel, shut up!" said Jessica sternly rolling her eyes to the ceiling.

"Just drop it! It's over," says Tiffany in between bites of her food.

Ultimately Jinel drops it but not without cutting her eyes. We're eating but the problem is nobody's talking; we've never shared an awkward moment like this ever. It's like five strangers eating at a table together because there weren't any other tables available.

Leave it up to the culprit Jinel to allow this animosity to cling onto us. I feel like this silence is almost an evaluation with the results being unknown. I just pray we're able to break the ice and get over this bump in the road. This awkwardness almost has me hating the fact that I go to school.

Maybe if I stop going, our relationship will go back to the way it was although dropping out of school to resolve friendships may seem like the dumbest excuse on earth; with my luck, that'll make my friends even madder at me.

# 36

### ARE YOU DOWN?

School and work has kept me so busy lately. Ever since that night when Jinel convinced my friends to believe they were replaceable, I feel like I haven't hung out with them in so long. I remember the words my instructor said when I first started at Bowie, "You are who you associate with."

Once my instructor said that, it really put a bad taste in my mouth. Like what did she mean by that? If you're a doctor and your friends aren't, does that make you any less of a doctor? It shouldn't or at least in my opinion it shouldn't. Now I know the label that people in our society place on others who don't show a keen interest in education. Society probably identifies my friends as, "Wasted potential," 'cause they're not focusing in school like me or taking up some trade to get a strong paying job.

Society probably will look at my girls and say, _"They're just destined to stay on Bradford Road for life,"_ but wait a minute; that was me at one point in my life. There was a time in my life where I wasn't even concerned about attending anyone's college so if I didn't what would that have made me? One of them.

Just 'cause I'm pursing an education, does that make me any less of a person for staying down with my best friends who aren't? No! Education or not, I'll always be from Bradford Road. I know you can be guilty by association. Trust me, I know 'cause I've been there but just 'cause I'm forever down for my friends doesn't mean I'm destined to be in the same boat.

I don't know. That quote really bothers me. Maybe there's a deeper meaning that I'm overlooking but I'm adamant about personal responsibility even when I wasn't owning up to my own faults in my actions. I feel like you're in control of what you do and how far a situation can go. I walked into the kitchen where my mother was preparing dinner.

She turned away from the pot to look at me. "Hey baby."

"Hey ma'."

"What you up to?"

"Nothing," I said grabbing a seat at the table.

"What's wrong?"

"Nothing."

"Nothing seems to be a constant in your vocabulary today. That means something is wrong."

"I'm fine."

She nods her head as she continues stirring. "So you and Alia hanging out this weekend or your posse from work?"

"Alia and I are supposed to do something. It's not pay week so my posse is broke."

"I bet!" she giggled. "That boy Calvin throws all his money away on food."

"Yeah he has a tapeworm," I said trying to crack a smile that wouldn't appear.

"How's Tiffany, Jessica, Shanice, and Jinel?"

Once she asked that question, I slowly turned to the window. "I don't know."

"What do you mean you don't know?"

"I haven't talked to them," I said in a low tone as I shrugged my shoulders.

I feel like my mom knows that my distance from them is really bothering me. "Hmm. Are you guys fighting?"

"No....at least I don't think so."

"So what's the problem?"

"I don't know."

"It must be something or else you wouldn't seem so down when I mentioned them."

"It's just I really miss them mom."

"So why don't you go see them? They live up the street on the same block you know?"

"I've been wanting to I have but seeing how I've turned them down to hang, I feel like they're mad at me."

"Are you just assuming they're upset or you know for a fact they're upset?" she said making her way to the table.

"I mean I'm assuming because that's the vibe I get."

"What vibe?"

"Ma', lately our text messages have been dry. Like they give me like dry responses or make it seem like they're busy."

"Are you sure you guys didn't have a falling out?"

"No. Well, I'm not sure."

"What happened?"

"I hung out with them almost two months ago."

"And you believe they're still upset from two months ago?"

"Yes! They let Jinel convince them that Alia is going to take their spot although Jessie claims that Nellie has nothing to do with how they feel. Alia called and they became upset because I was supposed to be spending time with them."

"Now, why didn't you end the call with Alia?"

"I did ma' especially when I sensed the tension."

"You should've ignored the call and texted her that you'd call her back later."

"Come on ma'-"

"Come on nothing! Baby you have to understand that until they come to grips with the fact that Alia is not going to take their place, you have to act accordingly and sensitively. Besides, you made them a promise to hang with them."

"I know mommy, I know. I've been asking them if they want to hang out since then but they cut me off with phony excuses."

"How do you know they were phony?"

"'Cause ma' they're always ready to hang out then all of a sudden they're unavailable? Yeah right."

"Okay so did you all walk away with hard feelings?"

"I mean we walked away somewhat quietly that night after we had a mini disagreement on my distance but we did give each other hugs before we separated. Well at least Jessie, Tiff, and Niecy did. Jinel was too upset with me. I just don't know where we stand. I guess since I found new friends, they feel like I kicked them to the curb. We don't even talk daily like we did when I started school."

"Ebony, if there is one thing I've learned, it's that we cause the distance and separation we have with those we care about. I understand you have school and work but it's up to you to be able to juggle both. Don't listen to that, "Different paths ruin relationships," foolishness because that's not necessarily true unless you allow it. You can be friends and still juggle all that you do. I encourage you to keep them close because you're very fortunate to have a group of best friends. Most people are lucky if they have just one. I know you guys may have many things now that aren't in common like they were when you were younger but they're still your best friends."

"They probably don't even think I'm their best friend."

"Yes they do. I'll bet you that! Hurt or not, I bet they still got your back. "

"I hope you're right. I should've hung with them more. I mean I had homework, trying to stay on top of math, Alia and Cameron had cars before me so they would pick me up-"

"I understand sweetie but you have to find time for your best friends too. However, I think they understand but you have to find out. I've told you time and time again that you cannot assume what you don't know. For all you know, they may not even be as upset as you think. They have lives too and they have to live just like you. Besides, they love you and even if they were upset, I don't think it's an angry upset; it's more of a hurt upset. Nobody wants to be replaced."

"Your right. I don't want them to think I'd hurt them and turn on them." I nodded as I stood up from the table. "Yeah I think I'm going to go and find them. It's time to kill this separation."

"Good!" she said smiling as she placed a gentle kiss on my forehead.

"Thanks ma'!" I said as I grabbed my jacket to head outside.

"You're welcome and remember baby, you don't have to talk every day to be best friends. My best friend and I talk sometimes once every two weeks but that doesn't matter. Stop letting society tell you how a friendship is supposed to work. Worry about the loyalty. Not the distance. Besides, what have I always told you?"

I smile as we recite the quote together. "Distance makes the heart grow fonder."

"Exactly!" she replied smiling as she walked back to the stove to continue cooking.

"I'll be back in a little bit!"

"Okay."

I headed to the front door in search of my friends. I've been making so many friends at Bowie since I've started but still I feel empty without Jessica, Shanice, Tiffany, even Jinel and permanently empty without Tasha. I don't care what anybody says; no one can mend the bond you have with your best friends. I don't understand why folks think people are easily replaceable. Yeah you can get a new best friend but there is always something that'll remind you of your original best friend.

If they're not at the box, I could always count on finding, Jinel, Jessica, Tiffany, and Shanice at the Oaks chilling. As I walked towards my friends who sat on the playground, their laughter went to complete silence as I came closer to them.

They looked at me as if I'm an outsider; it hurt really bad just to see them look at me like that. You would've thought I did them dirty or turned my back on them the way they were looking at me.

I'm hoping they're just surprised to see me but I could sense that they're still mad at me. Probably because I've been extra distant since what went down at the restaurant two months ago. Anyone with common sense can smell tension. I just hope they will understand. I was distant out of fear of how they felt about me after that night. Somehow, I know Jinel is going to find a reason not to like she always does.

"What you doing around here?" Tiffany asked in a surprised yet dry voice.

"Came to see what's up with y'all?" I said, as I looked her with a straight face.

"Nothing's up so you might as well go and hurry to school with your smarter friends," says Jinel rolling her eyes and staring past me.

"What the hell is that supposed to mean?" I said defensively.

Jinel never ceases to give me the blues, never! "You don't need to hang around here no more 'cause you're better than us. Where's Alia?"

"She's at home. I swear every day you get dumber!"

"Exactly, too dumb for you!"

"You know what Jinel, why is it you always got something to say? Now that I stay out of trouble you have so much more smart shit to say about what I do."

"That's the problem. Whenever you come around, it's always about you, you, and you!"

"You know that's bullshit!"

"Oh yeah? So why is it you only drop by once in a while to see us? Hell the last time we saw you was at the restaurant when you grew mad at us for telling you the truth."

"I wasn't mad because of that. I was angry because you're always acting as a negative force. You're the culprit behind why everybody grew mad over something that wasn't true."

"Didn't seem like it wasn't true to me!"

"Nothing does!"

"You pushed us out for new people! You don't even hang with us anymore!"

I take my attention off this screaming match I'm in with Jinel and turn to see how Jessica, Tiffany, and Shanice are feeling about Jinel's nonsense. "Is that how you feel Tiffany? Shanice? Jessica?"

"Sort of," says Shanice nonchalantly before popping a potato chip into her mouth.

"I mean sometimes I feel like you're not down for us anymore," says Tiffany changing her tone from dry and cold to empathetic.

"I have been seeing less of you and you haven't been trying to hang out but-," Jessica says before Jinel interrupts her.

"Cut the bullshit y'all! Y'all know it pissed you off too!"

"Okay so what! It's normal to feel neglected but you trippin' mad hard!" blurts out Shanice.

"I'm always trippin' but y'all were feeling some type of way!"

"We were upset and worried Jinel. You over here acting like we hated her!" added Jessie.

"Right and its normal to be worried!" said Tiffany.

My face goes from defensive to apologetic. "You know that's not true Tiff and I'm sorry for making you feel that way Niecy. Jessie, you know I wouldn't do-"

Of course, Jinel cuts me off. "Phony apologies!"

"No they're not! I go to school full-time and work part-time. What are you doing that allows you to have so much time on your hands?" I said screaming loudly.

"I-"

I cut Jinel right off. "Let me finish that sentence for you... nothing!"

"You know what Ebony-"

"No, you want to know what? Just go ahead and admit that you're jealous of me!"

Jinel's face freezes up in shock; she stutters as she tries to tell me I'm full of it. Jessica, Tiffany, and Shanice watch us go back and forth.

I know Jessica is feeling uncomfortable 'cause usually she would've stopped us by now. I guess she knew it was time for me to finally confront Jinel's animosity.

"That's bullshit!" she says screaming back at me.

"No it's the truth! You've been jealous since we were kids but somehow you're too damn modest to finally admit to it. It's obvious and everybody been noticed it since day one. I will never understand why and clearly you won't fess up to it!"

"Why don't you just get out of here!" she says crossing her arms.

"You damn right I am! That's been the plan since the day we lost Tasha. If it's wrong for me to have a dream, then so be it! I love y'all! I really do. I love my friends but I also love my ambitions too!"

Tiffany's face went from unhappy to understanding.

"Whatever! Go 'head and do your thing, but don't forget karma's a bitch!"

"You right Jinel! Karma is a bitch but she's the only one I believe in!"

Jinel stood there straight-faced and speechless for a minute. Shanice and Jessica begin to crack a slight smile at me standing up to Jinel.

"Why won't you admit why you get like this with me Jinel if I'm not causing trouble with you? It seems like we were always down with no problems, no drama, and no sly comments when we were out running the neighborhood up to no good."

Jinel cut her eyes and looked at me. I know she isn't going to fess up; that's like asking her to cut out her spleen. "I told you, there isn't anything wrong Mrs. Too good for Bradford's hood!"

"Whatever! When you're ready to be real, _you_ know where to find me! Bye y'all!"

I began walking off the playground for home. Jinel then walks off the playground behind me; she decided to test my loyalty as usual.

"Hey Ebz', I'm ready to be real. Are you?"

I turn around and roll my eyes 'cause I know Jinel isn't up to any good. "Jinel I don't have time for your games!"

"Who said this was a game? I'm trying to keep it real with you," she says smirking.

_This can't be good!_ "What is it Nellie?"

"Let's keep it real. You want to prove you're still down for us?" she says smiling deviously.

Jessica, Tiffany, and Shanice look at her crazy; I know they have no clue where she's going with this but I'm pretty sure they know it's nothing good.

"Jinel, I don't have to prove anything to anyone."

She ignores me and keeps on going with her proposition. "Ty, Shawn, and Tommy know where the boy who killed Tasha hangs out at."

"So what Jinel?"

"So, roll with us to handle our business. He got us so we're going to get him!"

"Jinel, I'm not about to go and do nothing-"

"Ha-ha, see! I knew you weren't ever down!"

Truth of the matter is I know I was never down but I'll be damned if I tell Jinel that. She gets on my nerves especially because she knows that I always give in when she plays on that, "Being down," stuff.

I can see Shanice, Tiffany, and Jessica growing worried because even they know my weakness is being referred to as, "Not being down."

"He killed our best friend Ebony! So what you going to do? Just cry? Mope? You can solve the pain of losing her by helping to take him out! Let's get even! Why wait for the police to do nothing, we can handle it!"

I have been doing so well but in my mind, I can't handle the hatred and anger I have towards that boy who killed Tasha. I may foolishly give in to Jinel's proposition to defend my reputation of being down for whatever. If I give in, I'm guilty of my associations and it'll be my own fault.

"You know what, let's do this!"

Jinel grew a deviously excited smile on her face. "I knew you were down! I'm about to meet up with them and we'll be back in about thirty minutes to scoop y'all."

"Y'all? What you mean y'all?" said Shanice confused.

"Right I'm not going to do shit!" Tiffany added.

"Don't look at me! I ain't in it!" Jessica said throwing her hand up.

"Bluffers!" said Jinel rolling her eyes.

"Yeah whatever!" said Tiffany.

"A'ight bet!" I said shrugging it off.

"Bet! See you later!"

Jinel and I dap each other up and Jinel walks off. Shanice, Tiffany, and Jessica look as if their hearts were being stabbed. They're saying nothing but their faces are saying it all.

Since they are probably mad at me, I look at them and just step off to get ready to make this move but honestly, I'm not ready to make this move. I think I've officially lost my mind and if I go through with this, there is no turning back.

# 37

### TAKING A STAND

I go back home to change into my black jeans and find a black hoodie in my closet; I took off my earrings and jewelry. The dark clothing would be just right for handling this situation. I put on my black Reebok sneakers; I took one look in the mirror, zip up my hoodie, and head back outside.

I cannot believe I'm allowing Jinel to have control over me. Funny how I swear I can hear Tasha yelling at me that this isn't a good idea at all. I know it isn't! I mean this is a bad idea especially because Tasha's death is still a fresh wound in my heart.

Marcus spots me as I walk to the front door and turns away from the television to see what's up. "You straight?" he asks kind of shaky.

"Yeah why?" I said blowing off his concern.

"You're wearing all black. You're usually always colorful."

"I'm good. I just...I just got to go do something. I'll be back in a minute."

"Okay."

"Where's ma'?"

"She went to Giant to pick up some stuff for dinner. I'm watching the food while she's gone."

"Okay," I said adjusting the hood on my sweater. "Don't eat it all before she comes back!"

Marcus chuckled. "It's not even fully cooked so I won't!"

"Good!" I said turning the nod on the front door.

"Ebbie," he says looking up at me.

"Yeah?"

"Be careful, alright?"

"Okay." I nodded as Marcus watched me walk outside.

My brother knew something was up and I'm pretty damn sure he's going to go the extra mile to figure out what I'm up to eventually. I think he knows that it could be in relation to what happened to Tasha. I'm just glad my mom isn't home because she would be a nervous wreck if she saw me dressed in all black. She would assume the worse like Marcus probably is.

I shut the front door and let the screen door close behind me as I continue down the street to meet up with Jinel. I keep walking as I notice Tiffany, Jessica, and Shanice sitting on the box just looking around. They see me walking and instantly know I'm not myself. I mean I'm not my usual colorful self like my brother picked up on so they know I'm not bluffing on Jinel's proposition.

I could hear their conversation as I walked. It was just Shanice asking Tiffany whether Dominicans pull your hair out or not. I already knew that her question would lead to debate.

"I thought Dominicans pull your hair out?" Shanice asked Tiffany.

She scrunched her face. "Said who?"

"Said Andrea and Joy."

"Well, I don't know where they go to get their hair done but my mom damn sure doesn't pull anybody's hair out! She's very gentle for real."

"I mean if you say so," Shanice shrugs as if she wasn't buying it.

"Man shut up Niecy!" Tiffany said growing agitated.

Shanice cut her eyes at her. "Why are you getting in your feelings over that?" she said loudly.

"'Cause you just-"

"Hey y'all, chill out! It's not even that serious!" Jessica says defensively without taking her eyes off me.

"Our fault Jessie," says Shanice.

Tiffany's face turns remorseful. "Yeah sorry."

"It's cool I'm just really worried about Ebony right now and the last thing we need is you two bickering over bullshit that doesn't matter right now."

"Yeah you're right," said Shanice.

"She probably upset with us for sitting there at the park on some shady shit when she walked up," says Tiffany in a worried tone.

"No bullshit!"

"I hope not but either way I don't want her to do nothing stupid."

"Me either Jessie!" added Tiffany.

I just keep walking 'cause they're not feeling so happy with me right now; at least that's the feeling I picked up from them earlier at the playground. I see Jinel with the boys walking up from a distance.

Shanice, Tiffany, and Jessica spot me walking towards trouble. Ty, Shawn, Jinel, and Tommy; yeah that's trouble! My face has revenge written all over it and my eyes are piercing in bloodshot anger mostly towards Jinel for testing my dumbass and me for falling for it, again.

My friends had already had their eyes fixated on me from the moment I stepped out of my house so they were growing much more nervous as they realize that I'm very serious.

Tiffany races to me before them to stop me from making a life-changing mistake. "Ebony, no!" she says grabbing me back from walking any further.

"Let me go Tiff!" I say as I try to wiggle out of her embrace.

"So you can do what? Get revenge?" she says still holding onto me as I continue to try to release myself from her tight grip.

"I got to do what I got to do!"

"" _You got to do what you've got to do?"_ Girl have you lost your mind?" Shanice asked me.

"Ebony, is this the type of justice you think Tasha would want you to avenge in her memory? Come on, you're better than that? I can't believe you're allowing Jinel to get inside your head like this! This isn't you! Please believe me!" Tiffany says pleading with me.

"Tasha didn't deserve what she got Tiff!"

"I understand. I feel the same way as you do! My pain is just as strong but this isn't going to solve nothing and you know it!"

Before I can keep going, Jessica interjects. "Ebbie, you remember how paranoid we got the day Tasha died when we saw Ty and Shawn?"

"Yeah so?" I said harshly.

"So, the two of them together always spelled disaster and just as we suspected that day, it did. It claimed the life of our best friend. I don't want to lose another best friend tragically especially one who has something going for herself. Hell, I'll prove it! I'll go with Jinel! I'll ride to avenge Tasha's death before I'd let you do it," she said emotionally.

"I understand Jessie but I want revenge! I want to watch them pay for what they did; see how it feels to bleed and can't heal!" I said as my voice began to crack.

"You don't mean that! You're not that kind of person to wish that kind of harm on somebody else. This isn't you! You don't mean that!" Jessica said with a face covered in tears and shaking me while I was still in Tiffany's embrace.

"I want do something! I gotta' do something!"

"Ebony, you didn't want do something like this until old dumb Jinel threw that down bullshit in your face! Rise above being down 'cause right now, if that's what it takes to still be down, it isn't worth it! I rather you be called a lame than an accomplice any day!" yelled Shanice.

I looked down still fighting to get out of Tiffany's strong embrace 'cause I knew Shanice was right. It's like Tasha broke through Niecy's body to say that. Of course, I wanted Tasha's killer to be caught but never like this until my loyalty was tested. What the hell am I doing?

"Ebony I want revenge too but not like this!" said Jessica.

"They're right! You're smarter than this Ebbie!" agreed Tiffany.

I snapped out of my slight anger and sadness to figure out why they're not mad at me like they were earlier. "Wait why do y'all care all of a sudden? I thought you guys were feeling some type of way about me being so distant?" I asked emotionlessly.

You would've thought I told them I hated them or something 'cause as they did earlier, they looked at me like I broke their hearts.

"I don't care how we feel Ebony; I'll be damned if I let you throw all you've worked for away!" says Tiffany defensively.

"You're our girl! We'll never turn our backs on you and I'm not going to let you get caught up with Jinel's crazy self!" said Shanice calmly yet sternly.

" _Te amo mucho chica_! We admit we hated that you've been distant but we'd hate ourselves more if we turned against you over something as petty as that. Come on girl, we love you! _¡Siempre!_ " Jessica bit out eerily.

I finally stopped trying to wiggle out of Tiffany's embrace and started to smile as tears began to form in my eyes. "You gotta' teach me some Spanish Jessie for real," I said chuckling.

"You know I got you _chica_!" she said giggling through her tears.

"I love y'all too!"

"You better!" added Shanice.

We gave each other a strong group hug and wiped forming tears away from each other's eyes. Real friendship is beautiful and thankfully, for us, it never dies.

Of course, through the side of my eye, I spot Ty, Shawn, Jinel, and Tommy beginning to approach me.

"You ready to handle business?" Jinel asked removing her sunglasses.

"You mean more like watching karma being a bitch in action," added Tommy as he exhaled cigarette smoke.

"Hell yeah! We finna' pop them fools show 'em we mean business round here!" says Shawn.

"Yeah we'll have you and Ebony lure those fools in and then we'll handle that shit. Let them know; don't mess with our neighborhood!" said Ty.

Jinel joined in with them. "Exactly don't come around Bradford thinking we ain't about it!"

"Let's put Bradford on the map!" Shawn says as he raises his fingers to the sky.

Somebody must've told Jinel she's a gangster girl. It doesn't make any sense. She is truly full of shit over here trying to make Bradford out to be something it's not; trying to be a part of defaming a neighborhood that did nothing for her to disrespect it in the first place.

"Anyways you down or what? What's up?" Jinel asked me again.

I look over at Jessica; her facial expression was practically begging me to turn them down. Tiffany looked like she was ready to cry. Shanice was staring down to the ground too hurt to look up to see whether I would make the fatal decision to tag along with danger.

I can hear my heartbeat thumping loudly just like the day Tasha died. It's like everything is falling on a deaf ear and my heartbeat is taking over making me consider my next move. Believe it or not, this decision right here affects the future thumping of my heartbeat.

My hearing resumes after I make my choice, which honestly was simple from the beginning. I can't believe I was even about to join them on this mission. "Nah, I can't."

"What?" said Ty squinting his eyes in confusion.

"Ebony, what are you talking about?" Jinel asks firmly.

"I can't do this Jinel! For once, I'm not down!" I said standing my ground as Shanice, Jessica, and Tiffany sigh in relief.

"Your girl mad tripping Nellie!" Ty said shaking his head.

"Right!" said Shawn. "We need y'all both to lure them in!"

"Nah. I'm not down for this."

"Not down?" Jinel asks me angrily. "Oh now you're not down now?"

"Damn right!"

Jinel grabs me and pulls me away from them. "Come here!"

"Look Jinel, don't start!"

"Don't start what? You should be ready to find justice for Tasha. Hell, Jessica, Tiffany, and Shanice should want to do the same thing! Y'all faking!"

"Faking? Faking? Jinel, the only person over here faking is you!" I shouted while Tiffany, Jessica, and Shanice walk over to us ready to plead their case.

"How the fuck am I faking? Y'all supposed to be Tasha's best friends just like me. We supposed to ride or die for each other. We can't let her die and not seek revenge!"

"Time does nothing with your mind-frame! Were you even paying attention to anything Shanna was saying at the vigil?" Shanice asked her.

"Yes, I was!" said Jinel.

"You couldn't have been 'cause if you were, you'd know that this isn't how you go about things! You're just adding fuel to the fire."

"Tasha would not want anyone of us killing in her name nor would she want us to be an accomplice to killing someone else!" says Tiffany.

"Stop being stupid and trying to act tough! This whole idea isn't nothing but trouble and you know it!" added Jessica.

"If y'all want to flake out on getting the fool who killed Tasha, _your_ best friend then go right ahead! But I'm going to ride for her!" Jinel says furiously.

Jessica started laughing at Jinel's long lost loyalty. "" _Ride for her, huh?_ " Answer this; why you wait until she died to be a great best friend all of a sudden?"

"I was always a good best friend! I may not ever have showed it much but I was!" she proclaims.

"Okay fine, but a real friend would honor her best friend's wishes! Remember that when you're riding dirty in Shawn's ride and get caught for setting people up!"

"Whatever Jessie! I hope that nothing happens to me 'cause it's clear as day y'all aren't down for nobody but yourselves!" Jinel turned to look at me with a face full of anger. "And I should've known _Miss. Journalist_ over here was going to let that school shit cause her to become a flake and forget where she came from! We were here before Bowie and all those fake ass kids you met once you got there!"

"Forget where I came from? Forget where I came from?" I said getting up in Jinel's face.

I know I said the key to Jinel was to never let her see you angry but she really pushed me over the edge this time. She always goes too far and I've had enough!

"You heard me!" she said getting louder.

"I will never forget where I came from! Whole time you are gettin' ready to go and disrespect where we came from!"

"How am I about to do that?"

"You going to look for the fools who killed Tasha and let them know Bradford is about that life? Are you serious? We're not about that life! It's not even how we get down around here! How did Bradford Road become this dangerous neighborhood all of a sudden in your eyes? You must be living in the wrong neighborhood! All you're doing is trying to portray where we're from in a negative light to get some respect and attention you don't need!"

"I wouldn't expect you to know seeing how you forgot this is where you're from and you're not around anymore to see what goes down around here."

"How am I forgetting that by working on weekends and going to school four days a week? We aren't teenagers anymore Jinel! We can't stay on our parents forever. We got to push ourselves to survive and be independent."

"Blah, blah, blah! Oh please! Don't give me that!"

Tiffany stepped in to tell Jinel about herself. "Ebbie, you don't have to explain yourself to her!"

"Right her chicken ass ain't gonna' do shit no way! She just wants to go to use it for bragging rights later!" added Shanice.

"Wait what? What you say Tiff?" says Jinel turning to get into her face but trust Tiffany isn't backing down!

"Girl I wish you would get froggy with me! You going to mess around and get yourself embarrassed out here! I said Ebony doesn't have to explain shit to you!"

Jinel knew Tiffany wasn't playing with her so she took it down a notch. "I don't believe this! How y'all going to take up for her after she done ditched us when we needed her? Y'all were just mad that she's been distant now you got her back all of a sudden?"

"Girl, I swear you're high! Yes, we were upset that we haven't seen her but we're not mad that she's trying to go places we've only dreamed of! Why don't you lay off of her!" says Jessica.

"And second off all, we always got her back! Ebony has always been there when we needed her. Right now, school and work needs her more so yeah she's been ghost but she didn't go ghost because she's against us. No one is meant to stay on the same path as someone else; we're all meant to walk our own path that's the way life goes. We fell off the education path and I'll be damned if I let you sit here and belittle her for walking steady on that path!" added Shanice.

"Besides, you can bet your ass that if we're ever in trouble, she's right there!" Jessica says as she looks at me with a smile. I smile back.

"Always has, always will!" Tiffany also says smiling at me.

"Oh like now?" Jinel says with her hands on her hips.

"We're not in trouble right now Jinel! You just want to play gangster girl and get yourself in way over your head. I'll bet once you do, you'll look for Ebony to help you out of it!" says Jessica.

"Bet I won't!" she says cutting her eyes and bobbing her head.

"Bet you will!" Tiffany says cutting her eyes and bobbing her head right back at her.

I smiled softly at how Jessica, Shanice, and Tiffany were defending me. I know they felt like I neglected them and didn't hang out as much as we use to but in the end their loyalty to me never changed.

I've started to give up on Jinel. I just don't know anymore. Then again, what am I saying? I never knew what to expect from Jinel.

"Whatever! I don't have time for this! I got business to handle," Jinel says putting her sunglasses back on.

"Yeah whatever bye!" said Shanice throwing her hands up at Jinel.

Jessica threw up the peace sign. "I don't do collect calls!"

"You stay tripping! You ain't bout to do shit no way!" added Tiffany with her arms out.

"I may be tripping but I'm loyal!" she said as she turned to walk away.

Tiffany laughed and rolled her eyes. "Yeah right!"

I bit my lip and walked up to Jinel to say one last thing before she walked off. "No matter what you think, say, or feel, my loyalty to the crew has never changed and it'll never change toward you. I'm still down for y'all. No matter how you act, I'll always have love for you!"

Jinel's entire face changed as she stood there taking in what I said. She looked down in thought and turned away slowly. Sometimes I really hate that my mom's big heart rubbed off on me.

We watch Jinel walk back to Ty, Shawn, and Tommy. They begin to walk off but not without Jinel looking back at us one more time. I continue to watch her walk away. I feel like Tasha is proud that I'm taking a stand and not doing something stupid.

Hell I feel like Tasha was in my body the whole time I was telling Jinel about herself and why this shit is stupid. I finally found the courage to say, _"I'm not down."_ What's crazy is that some people will get themselves into a dangerous situation similar to that just because they want to prove they're down to folks who don't matter. What makes that factor even worse is that they don't realize that trying to be down can get you more than you bargained for.

Had I went with Jinel, my whole future would've crumbled and I know it; I watched somebody I loved bleed out on the same pavement we walked on everyday but I can't be the assistant or reason for a sidewalk turning into a sponge absorbing the blood from another human being. God didn't create me to be a killer or someone who sets people up to die.

I'm pretty sure Tasha is not surprised at Jinel acting like that though at all. Some things never change. Getting revenge in that manner will not settle anything nor bring peace to what happened. It's just enticing a blood-soaked pattern to remain in rotation. That's not a high I want to be on so I'm not even passing that notion.

I turned to see Jessica, Shanice, and Tiffany still smiling at me softly. "How come you guys intervened?" I asked them.

"Ebony, you are still our best friend. Yeah we were kind of blown 'cause we felt you ditched us for other people but in reality you're trying to better yourself. What are we doing? Sinking in lost potential that we foolishly allowed to disintegrate rapidly," says Jessica.

Shanice lowered her eyes as she turned to look at Jessica. "You got that line from Tasha didn't you?" she asked unconvinced that Jessica made that up herself.

"Well yeah," Jessie said as we started laughing hard.

Once we finished laughing, I turned to look at them. "You're not sinking," I say to Jessica shaking my head at her.

"I admire you for trying to be compassionate but you know it's true. I just stopped going to school because I couldn't conquer those math classes."

"I have to sit out one semester at Montgomery for being placed on academic probation," says Shanice.

Tiffany shrugs her shoulders. "I never signed up because I'm trying to save up for Beauty School."

"But you didn't let our setbacks affect you. You kept going. Ebony we can have all the hard feelings we want but we will always have so much love for you. We'll always stand behind you because you're determined to make it. How can we turn our nose up at your success? The person we call our sister? _Hermana._ " says Jessica putting her arm around me.

"I promise though, if you ever give up on your dream and school, we will jump you!" Shanice says wagging her finger in my face.

We started laughing again but Shanice snapped out of the laughter quick. "Real shit! I'm not playing though!" she said as her face turned serious like a concerned parent.

However, I'm still laughing at her. "I know. I love y'all for real. I could never forget y'all no matter how far I get!"

"We know boo, we know! We may have felt left out but we never hated your success," says Tiffany.

"I know guys, I know! I was honestly thinking about quitting school that night when we went out and had a little disagreement."

"What why?" said Shanice almost yelling.

"Because I thought maybe our friendship would go back to the way it is if I stopped going to school and had more time to spend with you guys."

"I should smack your face!" said Jessica without smirking.

"Yeah. Don't you ever stop going because of us! Our friendship is the same. You don't need to spend constant time with us to prove anything!" added Tiffany.

"Promise us you'll stay in school," says Jessica holding out her pinky.

"I promise," I said nodding as I gripped her pinky with mines.

"Or else!" adds Shanice as she and Tiffany both grip my other pinky finger together to join in on the promise.

"I got you!" I said laughing.

"Good! I don't care if I end up never going back but I'll be damned if you drop out!" said Jessica.

"Don't worry. I won't let y'all down!"

"Better not!" Shanice says smiling.

"I won't but damn," I said turning back around to see if Jinel's still walking down the street. "I just really hope Jinel doesn't do something stupid!"

Jessica rubs my shoulder while keeping an eye on Jinel as well. "Us too _chica_ , us too."

"Y'all know she's simple though!" says Tiffany.

"Yeah but we befriended that simpleton," I said.

We hug each other tight and continue looking down the street. Jinel is noticeably gone but we keep hoping that she'll pop back up realizing that she was trippin'.

"Hey Ebbie can I ask you one thing?"

"Sure Tiffany."

"Were you going to do anything if you went with Jinel and them?"

I chuckled at that 'cause I know she knows what I would've done. Nothing. Just saying I was down to ride and see karma in action was all I was going to do. Hell I probably would've did like Tre in, "Boyz N the Hood," and got out the car.

What's even more surprising is that I don't think I'd feel any better if the boy who killed Tasha were to be killed himself. Besides, death is an easier punishment than sitting in a cell paying for what you've done confined for the rest of your life.

I don't want him to get off easy. I want him to see Tasha's face every time he closes his eyes even if the only face he remembers was the look of pain she had as she fell to the pavement.

"You know me too well. I wasn't going to do shit. I don't have it in me. I just would've been an accomplice to riding in a car that was trying to settle a score and still end up losing. I would've got out the car I bet."

"As long as I know that you were going to bluff and you knew you were going to bluff, I feel much better."

"So do I Tiff, so do I." I smiled as we stopped looking at Jinel walking away to face one another. "So guys, where do we stand?" I asked as they turned to me compassionately.

"Where we did from day one," says Shanice smiling.

Jessica smiled. "Since the day we became best friends."

"And nothing will change that," Tiffany said as we did our handshake and gave a group hug.

# 38

### FIVE MINUS ONE

Shanice, Jessica, Tiffany, and I were just chilling at McDonalds on University Boulevard. This time with no distractions. Our laughter could be heard through the restaurant just like when we were in high school.

I called Alia and asked if she'd meet up with us at McDonalds. I wanted her to meet my other best friends. I think she earned the privilege to meet them and I wanted them to see that they have nothing to worry about.

Jinel was still mad at us for not wanting to seek revenge through the, "Eye for an eye," method so we haven't heard from her today. On the outside, we're cool with her decision but on the inside it's killing us. We don't know if Jinel went through with it or not.

"So you guys think Jinel went through with it?" Shanice asked shaking her soda before taking a sip.

Tiffany shrugged her shoulders. "I haven't heard anything about anyone being shot, stabbed or killed so hopefully not. I just hope she's not that stupid."

"I don't know. I hope she isn't either but you just don't know with Jinel," I said looking out the window to see if I see Alia yet.

My phone starts buzzing; I got a text message from Alia. She just pulled up. Once she walks into McDonalds, I get up and run to hug her. Tiffany, Jessica, and Shanice turn around to see whom I was hugging.

"Hey boo!"

"Hey girl! Did you already order?"

"Yeah. Go ahead and order something. We'll be right over there near the window waiting for you," I reassured her.

"Okay cool," says Alia as she went on to order some food while I walked back over to the table to sit down.

"Is that Alia?" Tiffany asked still looking in her direction.

"Yeah, that's her."

"She's pretty!"

"I hope she's nice," Shanice added.

"Don't worry y'all. I wouldn't bring her around if I didn't think she wasn't nice. Trust me."

"I'll take your word for it Ebbie," Jessica said smiling at me while reaching for my fries.

I smiled at Jessica and shook my head as she grabbed a few of my fries. Once Alia gets her food, she walks toward the table. She kind of walks bashfully towards us; I guess waiting to see how my other friends will respond to her presence. I told her what went down with Jinel and me so she's a little apprehensive of how they'll take to her hanging around.

I motion her to sit down next to me. "Alia, this is Tiffany, Shanice, and Jessica. Jessica, Tiffany, and Shanice, this is Alia."

"Hi, nice to meet you!" said Alia looking at all three of them timidly.

"Nice to meet you too boo," says Tiffany.

"Hey what's up!" said Jessica in between bites of _my_ fries.

Shanice smiles as she looks at the shirt she's wearing. It's like some abstract design but really colorful. "Hey, I like your shirt," she says.

"Thank you!" said Alia smiling.

"No problem!"

Tiffany looked at me and nodded. "Ebbie, I like her!"

"Me too!" said Jessica.

"Definitely! Me three! Make sure you keep Ebbie on the right track at school!" added Shanice.

"Oh, best believe I will!"

I could tell Alia was starting to feel comfortable. Now my friends were like my grandmother; they could read people just by a few gestures and they could see Alia was sincere just that quick.

"Good. Where you from?" Tiffany asked Alia.

"I live in Hyattsville."

"Aye for real? Y'all remember when we tried to go to that party out Hyattsville but it was shut down before we even got out of the car?" Shanice asked us laughing.

"Ha-ha hell yeah!" said Jessica beginning to crack up.

"Wait really?" Alia asked unraveling her cheeseburger. "What happened?"

Shanice grew so excited to explain what happened. "Girl, these dudes were already in the middle of the street fighting."

"It was your idea to go to that party though," Jessica said looking at the ceiling.

"Okay and? You always end up having fun though?"

She nodded. "Okay Niecy you right."

"Girl that whole night was wild. Who could forget that drama?" asked Tiffany.

"Let me get you hip Alia. Niecy came up with this plan to hit up all these parties and of course, the one that we heard was supposed to be so poppin' was shut down the second we pulled up," says Jessica.

"Damn really? Where out in Hyattsville did that happen?" she asked giggling.

Tiffany started snapping her fingers as she tried to remember where the party was. "Wasn't it off University?"

"Nah it was New Hampshire and Metzerott Road," says Shanice.

I shook my head 'cause the girl was wrong. "No it wasn't. That was definitely Adelphi Road."

"Oh yeah that doesn't surprise me. That crap happens too often around there. I stopped going to parties on that block because I can't deal with that drama. Besides the last thing I want is my mama to get a phone call that I'm dead and gone," says Alia taking a bite of her burger.

"I know that's right," I said looking off from them to the window quietly.

They all took notice to my sudden mood change. "Ebbie what's wrong?" asked Shanice.

"Yeah what's up boo?" said Tiffany.

Jessica took another fry. "It's Nellie isn't it?" she asked without a second thought.

"Yeah. I mean call me crazy but I'm worried about Nellie."

Shanice's eyes grew wider. "Damn, you are crazy!"

"Hell yeah! What was in that cheeseburger you ate?" said Tiffany as she was grabbing at the burger wrapping that still contained my pickles.

"Come on y'all, I'm being serious! I'm really worried about her," I said trying to crack a smile.

"I know Ebbie. We all are," says Jessica.

"Yeah we hear you boo but you know how she is. She'll come around don't worry," says Shanice.

"But what if she doesn't?"

"Then we go on. We can't stop living just 'cause Jinel wants to act simple," says Jessica.

"Which is usually everyday non-stop anyways!" Shanice chimed in.

"Right," Tiffany said with her arms folded. "This isn't anything new Ebbie. You know that!"

I nodded softly. "I know."

Alia placed her hand on my arm to reassure me everything would work itself out. "Hey she will. I've been there and done that. She'll come around even if it's a short hiatus. She'll find her way back. I promise; true friends don't float away. They hold on for dear life even if it doesn't seem that way."

I look at Alia smiling softly as Shanice made that face that she usually always does when she's about to utter a sarcastically smartass comment. "I never knew Jinel could be a true friend. Maybe someone put bleach in _my_ food."

"Mine too!" added Tiffany looking at the fry in her hand.

"Ugh y'all are so irritating!" I said slightly bucking at Tiffany.

"But you love us so-"

"Well-"

"Uh yeah!" added Shanice loudly.

"You know I do!" I said as we all giggled.

Tiffany ate another fry. "So Ebbie are your party days fully over?"

"I don't know Tiff. School and work keep me so focused that I forget to turn up."

"There's nothing wrong with that! I commend you for staying focused," Jessica said pointing at me before stealing another one of my fries.

"Yeah well you know-"

"Hey, let's go to one for old times' sake," says Tiffany smiling extra hard.

I smiled because my memories came flooding back to me. "Okay fine, but under one condition."

"What?"

"We don't end up having to jump any fences."

"Jump any fences?" asked Alia curiously.

"Girl, it's the longest story," I said closing my eyes gently as I shake my head.

"Ha-ha don't worry Ebbie. Nobody is jumping over any fences!" said Jessica laughing.

"Okay, I'll take your word for it. Let's go."

We stood up and walked out to Alia's car. She agreed to drive since we walked to McDonald's anyway. She still wasn't letting up from the fence jumping story. "So about this jumping over fences stuff."

"I knew this was coming," I said giggling a bit. I begin to tell Alia why we had to jump a fence. "Shanice took us to a party which again ended before we got there 'cause people started fighting. However, Jessica's cousin, Javier, was with us and almost got into it with some clowns. Next thing we heard was click-click; the universal sound for a gun. Jessica yelled to run and we did. Unfortunately, the only thing near us was a metal fence so I felt for it and tossed myself over it. We hid in the backyard scared as hell damn near in tears worried 'cause we didn't see Javier."

"However he was the click-click culprit!" added Jessica making quotes with her fingers.

"Right laughing at us and shit!" said Tiffany.

"Yeah but leave it up to Niecy over here to take us to rowdy parties!" I said looking over at her.

"But y'all have fun so whatever!"

"Again as long as I don't get any more cuts on my legs, we're straight!" I reminded them again.

Tiffany laughed loudly. "I told you we got you sis!"

Alia as she started her car. "Where to?" she asked.

"Veirs Mill Road," says Shanice pointing to the left.

"Where on Veirs Mill Road?" asked Tiffany.

"Wait and see!" she says grinning.

"Lord have mercy Niecy," says Jessica laughing.

# 39

### SENIOR YEAR OF COLLEGE

Can you believe I'm now a senior in college? Man I told you the time would go fast! During my junior year at Bowie, my mom gave me her old Toyota Corolla and got a new car for herself. We were sharing the car at first but she grew tired of it. I've been driving the car since a little before my junior year.

Luckily, she paid the car off so all I have to do is keep up with the monthly car insurance payments. Another plus; I got a good discount because I'm a college student so my payments are about a hundred and twenty dollars a month.

I'm definitely blessed especially that I don't have to use public transportation to get to school. Luckily, Alia would never allow me to catch a train and two buses so I only had to deal with it on my first day of school.

However since I started Bowie, I've been on an emotional rollercoaster with my best friends; they were worried about me permanently ditching them and I was worried about them ditching me for not being around as I use to always be. I'm just thankful that we were able to make amends and move forward.

I still wish they were here at Bowie with me. I still have an uneasy feeling in my stomach 'cause Jinel is still missing in action; Jessie, Niecy, and Tiff haven't seen her so we worry that she could be in trouble. I don't know I pray that time will heal her absence in our lives.

Once I pulled up in front of MLK, I walked towards my third class of the day. I usually don't move my car from building to building but today I felt like it because it was raining hard. I didn't want to walk all the way across campus to the Fine Arts building to get my car at 1:50 in the afternoon. I have a music class at 9:30 so I park there in order to be on time; Dr. Proctor doesn't play that late nonsense so I don't want any problems. Attendance counts for almost everything at Bowie I swear.

"Don't think y'all are going to skip my class and pass with an A. I don't give out A's, they're earned. Class starts at 9:30 not 10:00! I don't mind if you're a few minutes late but I'm not going to tolerate you guys coming in at 9:45, 9:50, or 10:00. Your grade will reflect your attendance," says Dr. Proctor who is my Music Tech professor.

I decided to take a music course to satisfy the general elective requirements for my major. It's a pretty good course.

After I left my music class, I had to go to my 11:00 class, which only lasted for twenty whole minutes. Radio and television programming. My teacher was a slender man and dressed nice. Professor Michaels. Class wasn't long today, maybe 'cause it's only the first day. He made us play this icebreaker game to get to know us, gave us our syllabus and sent us on our way.

As one of my many requirements toward my major, I have to take the course Introduction to Television News; I had to go downstairs to the studio for this class. It was my final class of the day.

Once I entered the television studio at Bowie State University, I instantly fell in love. The control room, the news table, the Bowie logo, the bright lights focusing on the television set, even the chairs in the audience opened up this door of excitement that I haven't felt in so long.

I can feel Tasha's spirit walk pass me and sit on one of the chairs on the television set. I walked around and stopped. I looked all over the room in amazement. _"I'm gonna' do it Tasha!"_ I whispered to myself as I began to crack a slight smile.

"Tasha? Who's that?" this boy asked as he walked into the television studio alone.

I smiled as the boy walked closer to me. "My fault, Tasha was, well is still my best friend. She died almost four years ago. Everything I do is for her 'cause I know this was also her dream."

"Oh man, I'm sorry to hear that."

"It's cool," I said glancing down before looking back in his eyes.

"I'm Kevin."

"I'm Ebony."

"Nice to meet you."

"You too," I said smiling.

"Is this your first semester?" he asked taking a seat in one of the chairs directly in front of the television set.

"Nope. I'm a senior. You?" I asked sitting next to him.

"Yeah, I'm a senior too. Where you from?"

"Silver Spring. How about you?"

"Oxon Hill."

I stared nodding as I turned down my phone ringer. "True, true."

"I think I've seen you around."

"You probably have," I said smiling.

As we talked further, Alia entered the classroom and sat beside me. "Hey boo!"

"Hey Li-Li, how are you?" I said hugging her.

"I'm good, I knew you'd be here early," she said giggling.

"Shoot, you already know! I got to be enthusiastic about my education besides I heard this class is everything!"

"Yeah, you right. I keep telling you, Dr. Thompson is the man!"

"True. He has to be if he has the same last name as me."

Alia started giggling. "How did I know you were going to go there?"

"'Cause you know me!" I looked over at Kevin and smiled. "Oh, let me not be rude. Alia, this is Kevin. Kevin this is my best friend Alia."

"Hi, how are you?" Alia said waving at him.

"I'm good, how are you?" he said waving back at her.

"I'm fine."

"That's good. So, how did y'all meet?"

I looked at Alia smiling. "We met in English class freshman year. We started going to lunch after our classes."

"And our bond grew tighter. After that, we became inseparable," says Alia.

"That's what's up! I also see you both have a love for fashion," says Kevin.

She looks down at her outfit and looks back up. "Shoot, I get it from Ebbie. She's the reason I fixed my fashion game."

"Ah you sicin' me!"

"But it's the truth."

"Yeah you right," I said knowingly confident.

"Bet. I transferred from PG Community College like three semesters ago."

"For real?" I asked him.

"Yeah."

"Seems like a lot of people are transferring from there," says Alia.

"Yeah, it was straight though."

"So what are you trying to focus on in Broadcast Journalism?" I asked him.

"I want to be a producer. What about you guys?"

"I'm a video editor, I love editing videos," says Alia.

"I like editing too thanks to Li-Li but honestly I want to be a writer," I said to him.

"That's what's up! We could all start a production company; you'd be the editor, I'd be the producer, and you'd be the writer."

Alia's eyes grew big and excited at Kevin's idea. "Yes, we should! What you think Ebbie?"

"Hell yeah! That's a good idea!" I said agreeing with Kevin and Alia both.

As we kept talking, I started remembering the plans Tasha and I had. Rather than get sad, a cracked a smile.

More and more students started to fill up the seats in the studio. At 12:30 on the nose, Dr. Thompson came walking through the studio door with his briefcase. I know for sure he means business.

"Hello students! I hope you're just as enthusiastic about this course as I am teaching it," says Dr. Thompson as he addressed the entire class.

He went on about what he expects us to gain out of the course by the end of the semester. "I know its day one but the action begins now! I need a field reporter to cover a story in the auditorium in about twenty minutes."

So many people had their hands up but I don't know whether it was 'cause I didn't have my hand raised or because I was dressed fancy. Either way, Dr. Thompson chose me.

"You!" he said pointing at me.

"Me?" I said looking around to make sure he was talking to me and not the person behind me.

"Yes you! What's your name?"

"Ebony Thompson."

"Uh-oh, we got another Thompson in the house! Come up here." I got up and walked up front to him. "So what I'm going to have you do is come up with at least three questions to ask this gentleman about what he does. Also think of a good opening and a good closing comment," he said pointing in the guy's direction.

"Okay," I said nodding my head.

I know I got this! I'm a writer. Three questions is a piece of cake. Ten minutes rolls by and Dr. Thompson asks me if I'm ready. I told him yes with a folded piece of paper in my hand.

We grab our belongings and head to the auditorium. The lights were bright on stage and it was so cold! I wish I had a sweater right now 'cause I'm shaking uncontrollably.

"Alright we're about to shoot it. Quiet on set!" said Dr. Thompson loudly.

Everyone stood back as I nervously held the mic in my hand. Jonathan, who's the camera guy along with Riley, started doing a countdown with his hand. Once he got to one, I just threw my nerves out there.

"Have you ever dreamed of starting your own business? Well, we're here to tell you how one young man made his dream a reality. I'm here with Eric Wright, the owner of, "Focused Magazine," to give you guys some insight on how he began and how he made it to this point. Good afternoon Eric."

"Good afternoon."

"Can you tell us how you created your own magazine company?"

"Sure."

Eric went on to tell us how his company started. I asked him about five questions just by bouncing off what he said. This wasn't as hard and nerve-wrecking as I thought it would be. I ended the interview off strong.

"Well, there you have it. All dreams can turn into success if you stay focused and never lose sight of your passion. For BSU TV, I'm Ebony Thompson. Thank you."

Everybody began clapping; Alia was cheering loudly. I felt really good.

Dr. Thompson clapped and cheered loudly. I think I impressed him. "Great job young lady! You did well! That interview seemed natural and you asked some great questions!"

"Thank you!"

"Come to my office after class so I can give you more tasks. I'm really impressed!"

"Okay thank you!"

Dr. Thompson turned to address the class. "You see that's how you do it ladies and gentlemen! You bounce off the questions you ask. You only get one shot in the television production world so you must be ready when those cameras cut on! Great job! Will do some more work on Thursday."

Dr. Thompson told me to think of three questions and I came up with five. I am so proud of myself.

Alia came over to congratulate me. "You did that! Good job girl!"

"Thanks boo!" I said slapping her hand.

"Let's go see what he's talking about in his office."

"Alright cool," I said as I grabbed my stuff.

As we walked to Dr. Thompson's office, Kevin and some other girls joined us on the walk up there. First day of my senior year and I'm already impressing the chair of the department. You know that's good especially when I have some friends who have never met their department chair.

I can already tell this is going to be my favorite class thus far! I just can't stop smiling 'cause I really handled myself and to be called out like that with no experience interviewing someone. I really did a damn good job.

Although I could feel my nerves in my voice, I still wouldn't change how I handled that. Now let's see what Dr. Thompson has up his sleeve for me next. I'm ready to take every opportunity he has to offer.

# 40

### FINDING MY NICHE

In Dr. Thompson's class, students audition to be anchors for the news report that's done at the end of the semester. We auditioned for it; Jordan and Rhonda are the news anchors, Keisha is the entertainment reporter, and Kyle is the sports anchor. Alexis is the backup anchor for the news report and I'm the backup entertainment reporter.

Since we were chosen to be the reporters and backup reporters, we all have to meet together with Dr. Thompson to write the scripts. However, Dr. Thompson had a meeting in Annapolis and everybody else was too busy with whatever they had going on so I took it upon myself to write it.

Alia made sure I was good with writing it as we walked to our cars in the MLK parking lot. "You got it boo?"

"Yeah, I got it," I said reassuring her.

"Cool. Text me later."

"Of course girl!"

I hugged Alia and we got in our cars and drove off. Since freshman year, Alia has been one of my best friends. She was just like me and ever since we were freshman, we did a lot together. She assists Dr. Thompson 'cause she's a part of the work-study program. She helps me out a lot and she keeps me focused; I guess Tasha came back to me in some way through her.

I went to work as usual and pushed through four hours of stocking items that I would never buy on the shelf. The second that I get off, I'm going home to take a nap. Since I work in the morning, I have time write the script during the afternoon and night.

Once I get up from my nap, I will draft a little more than half of the script tonight before calling it quits for the night. I'm shocked that I even write anything on Saturdays.

I use to feel that Saturday is a day of relaxation besides my hands use to freeze up whenever I would try to write on Saturdays. I guess now that I'm focusing harder on my ambitions and doing what I have to do to demonstration my writing skills, the entire, "Frozen hand," feeling has simply disappeared.

Sundays always make me feel sluggish. Once I get off work at noon, I headed home to take another quick nap; I can't live without a nap. I woke up at four o'clock and went back to writing the script in my notebook.

I used the sample of last semester's script to guide me with the format however; the wording came natural as it usually does for me. I had a list of events that took place this semester and made certain to include them in the script.

Not only was I writing the news anchor script but I was also writing the entertainment report script. I am the backup entertainment reporter and in case something happens, I want to have a script readily available.

Once I was done, I put the whole script on Google Docs and tagged everybody in it leaving it up to them to add whatever they feel. On Monday, Alia printed it out and went over it with Dr. Thompson making any necessary changes.

Once Tuesday rolled around, I was going to go to his office to look over the script with them once I was finished with my second class. However, my second class was canceled so I was able to go straight to his office and discuss the script. Everybody was trying to act as if they wrote the script but Alia and Jonathan knew better.

"Boo, you wrote that whole script, right?" Alia asked aloud.

"I sure did," I said confidently.

"I knew it!" Jonathan said shrugging his shoulders.

Dr. Thompson's face dropped in surprise and shock. "Wait, you wrote this entire script?"

"Yes sir!"

"The whole thing?"

"Yeah. The whole thing. Here you go."

I took out my journal that I use to write my story and scripts for school then placed it on his desk. He flipped through the pages amazed at how much I've wrote and how strong my writing really is.

"Wow. You have an amazing talent!"

"Thank you!"

"I think we've found your calling."

I nodded with an ear-to-ear smile. "I think so too!"

"You need to be a writer! Hollywood is in demand for writers with strong talent such as yourself!"

Once Dr. Thompson said that, it just reiterated the fact that I've always been destined to be a writer. It was funny because when I initially started Bowie, I was able to learn all the aspects of the broadcasting world. I was still writing but somewhat placed it on the back burner and strictly did it at home while having fun looking to find my niche. After writing these scripts, I realized that I was searching for a niche that I'm already good at.

"Thank you Dr. Thompson!"

"You're welcome. I'm going to have you intern with me next semester and help you build up your writing portfolio and your reel."

"Thank you so much! I really appreciate that!" I said, as my smile grew wider.

"Not a problem daughter!"

We all giggled. Since Dr. Thompson and I had the same last name, everybody assumed I was his daughter. Therefore, he took to it and just called me that. Hey, if it gets me a job once I leave Bowie, then yeah he's my dad! Class was about to take place so we all start to pack up our stuff and get ready to go.

"I'll be down there in a minute you guys."

"Okay Dr. T!" we all said as we walked out of his office door and headed for the television studio.

"Thanks hun for mentioning that," I say to Alia as we're walking down the steps.

"No problem boo besides me and Jonathan were over them acting like they wrote the script when they didn't do anything."

Jonathan nods in agreement. "Hell yeah! I knew they were lying though 'cause I've seen your writing and I can tell it sounds like your words."

"Thanks!" I said smiling.

"Hey, you have a talent. Put it to work."

"Best believe I will!"

# 41

### WHAT ABOUT YOUR FRIENDS?

Although I look out for my girls and they look out for me, I haven't been around enough to know what's really up in their lives. Yeah we settled the fear they had of losing my friendship, we went to McDonalds' and a party a few months ago but we still have been more distant than usual.

I feel guilty about it and with my luck, they probably feel the same way. At least I hope so. My gut keeps telling me that there's a whole lot of shit that I'm not aware of.

The moment I ran into Kiara at Giant, I knew I was in for a rollercoaster ride. "Hey girl!"

"Hey Kiara girl what's good?" I said hugging her.

"Shit not much, just trying to do my thing. What's up with you? How's Bowie going?"

"It's cool I'll be graduating in May."

"Oh for real? That's what's up I'm so proud of you boo!"

"Thank you!"

"I've been wondering where you been at girl. You've been missing from the crew action but school does that."

"Yeah it diverts my attention a lot."

"I'm hip," she nods.

"You been hanging with the crew?" I asked Kiara.

"I mean I was but now they be on some other shit. I mostly be with Jinel for real."

"Damn, why you haven't been kicking it with Tiffany, Shanice, and Jessica?"

"Well, you know Tiffany got that new job which got her working all night."

"Wait...what job? Her mama's salon?"

Kiara shook her head. "Nah girl! The club."

"What club?"

"Damn, you really don't know?" she asked dumbfounded at the fact that I wasn't aware.

"No," I said confused.

"Well, Tiffany works at this strip club or gentlemen's club if you will out Hyattsville."

My heart skipped so many beats. "What? Since when?"

"About a month."

"Ah man," I said throwing my hand on my head.

"Damn, I'm sorry Ebz'. I thought you knew," said Kiara itching her head.

"Nah, she never told me."

"Maybe 'cause she doesn't want you to worry about her. You know they were headstrong about you becoming the writer you've always wanted to be," Kiara said trying to make me feel better about not knowing what Tiffany has truly been up to.

"Yeah, maybe. Well what about Jessica and Shanice?"

"Jessica got a job at City Place downtown so she always working and hanging with Carlitos when she isn't at work. Shanice has been running around with Brandon."

"Oh yeah, I'm hip to Brandon even Carlitos. I know Jessie got a job but I just hope Niecy is staying out of trouble."

"Girl, me too! You know Brandon isn't any good but you can't tell Niecy anything."

"Trust me, I'm hip. Never tried to either."

"I don't blame you."

"Where is that club Tiff works at?" I asked curiously.

"It's off University Boulevard a little before Adelphi shopping center. Trust, you won't miss it. Why? You want to see for yourself, huh?"

"Kind of. I mean I just don't believe it."

"Shoot I didn't either until my brother said he saw her there. She only told me when I confronted her about it. I think she's ashamed of it."

"Yeah, must be," I said, as I stood there deep in thought about the whole situation.

"Yeah. Hey you still got the same number, right?"

"Yep since high school," I said smiling.

"Cool, I'm texting you now."

A text from Kiara came to my phone quick. "Got it," I said looking at my phone vibrating in my hand.

"Bet. Hey, come around more once you're done with school. Everybody misses you around the way especially at the parties."

"I will, I will!"

"Okay, you promise?"

"I promise boo!" I said nodding my head.

"Good! I'm going to hit you later. It was so good seeing you love!" Kiara said hugging me one more time.

"I'll be waiting and it was definitely good to see you too bay! Later!"

"Bye girl!"

I smiled as Kiara went her way and I turned to walk my way. I miss Kiara and I miss everybody around the way. Yeah I'm still home but I don't get a chance to see anybody or go to parties. Either I'm busy or my friends are.

Nobody ever told me that college would make me too busy to hang out in my own neighborhood that I still live in. Ugh! Barely two minutes after walking back home my smile began to disappear.

Why would Tiffany not tell anybody that she's working at the club? I mean I guess that's not something you're comfortable with the world knowing especially if your name is Tiffany Rodriguez. She's always had this sense of pride maybe that's why I just can't believe she's working there. I want to go just to see whether Kiara is just joking around with me.

# 42

### TIFFANY

Being the only one in the crew who was attending school had its downside to it. I wasn't able to keep full tabs on my best friends like I use to. As the semesters change, my workload grows more and more extensive. I saw my friends on the weekend but sometimes it seemed like every other weekend; in recent months, those weekend visits became more and more scarce. I hated that.

Somehow I focused so hard on my school work that I failed to pay attention to the troubles my best friends were slipping into but my friends were just as good as me when it comes to being secretive.

First friend I'm reverting my attention to is Tiffany; the queen of the gossip train however she's now a pawn in the gossip game. Rumor has it according to Kiara that Tiffany is working at this gentlemen's club in Hyattsville.

As a bartender? No. As a bodyguard? Hell no! Tiffany isn't built like that! Fighting her brother doesn't make her strong enough to throw folks out of a strip club. Is she working as a stripper? Yes. Wait what?

I thought Kiara was lying when she said Tiffany worked here. Hell, maybe I so badly wanted to hope she wasn't so I prayed Kiara was lying. However, as I watch Tiffany spin around that pole with red stilettos on, I knew Kiara wasn't lying.

It's funny how Tiff froze once she saw me. You would've thought I was Ms. Stephanie the way she looked at me. I stood there in shock; never thought Tiffany would resort to pole dancing.

She looked at me in total embarrassment. She got off the stage and ran in the back. Thank God, she was done or else she may have caused a brawl. Once she changed her clothes, she came back out from the dressing room.

I was talking at the bar with some guys. They were nice. One of them offered to buy me a drink.

"Can I buy your pretty self a drink?"

"Thank you but no thanks. I'm good," I said smiling at the guy.

"You sure?"

"Yeah, I'm sure."

As we kept talking, she came up to me and softly smiled; I smiled back bigger.

"Hey," she said gently.

"Hey boo," I said back in a low voice.

Tiffany's face went from nervous to relief once she saw how big my smile was on my face to see her. "Can I sit with you?" she asked.

"Of course! I'd be insulted if you didn't."

"Cool."

Tiffany sat next to me and we hugged before we began talking. I want her to know I'm here 'cause I know she may've felt neglected by us all; me because of school, Shanice due to some guy, Jessica because of work and Jinel because she wants to be a gangster girl.

"I missed you so much!" she said still holding onto me.

"I missed you more!"

"Nah-uh!"

"Uh-huh! We live in the same neighborhood and been ghost towards one another."

"I know. Don't feel bad though. The whole crew has been ghost. We don't even act like a crew anymore. No one told me that friendships could fade like that," Tiffany says looking bummed out.

"I know boo but real friendships don't. Things may get in the way but the loyalty stays bonded like a tattoo."

"Yeah. You still deep. I love it!"

"Ha-ha me too!" I said laughing.

Honestly, I always felt closer to Tiffany and Jessica even when Tasha was alive. It was like the four musketeers; Tash, Tiff, Jessie, and I. Not to say Shanice and Jinel weren't always there 'cause I mean I'm close to them both. Jinel and I were real close at one time but you know the story. It just seemed like Tasha, Tiffany, and Jessica were always there if I needed them; Shanice and Jinel sometimes were distracted whether it was over a guy or getting into trouble.

Sometimes I didn't feel like I had their undivided attention when I needed it like I did with Tasha, Tiffany, and Jessica. Don't get me wrong though, I love them to death.

Once Tasha passed, I felt like Tiffany and Jessica were all I had to count on. However, Jessica is being low-key so I truly feel like Tiffany is all I have right now.

"I'm proud of you boo! You're soon to be a Bowie State graduate!" she says with her right arm leaning on the bar counter.

"Thank you so much love! I'm excited!"

"Shit you better be and I better get an invitation 'cause I'll be damned if I miss your big day!"

"You know I got you boo. Always!"

"Good!"

We giggle a little and look down at the ground contemplating our next topic of discussion. "So, you still help out Ms. Stephanie at the shop?"

"Yeah girl! You know damn well my mama isn't going to let me get away with not helping her. She even got me washing her clients' heads for her and blow drying them while she works on other clients. She overschedules like crazy!"

"Ha! She trying to make that money anyway possible."

"No bullshit! I know the feeling."

"She paying you though, right?"

"Not enough! She feels like I'm her daughter and she doesn't have to pay me. Shit don't work for me though."

"You ever think about going to Cosmetology school?"

Tiffany hesitated as her smile slightly drowns into a face of sorrow. "Don't do that."

"Do what?"

"Make me feel bad for not following my dream of being a Cosmetologist and one day owning my mom's shop or my own."

"First off, I'm not here to make you feel bad. I can't live life for you Tiff. But I do remember a certain someone saying, "Never fall asleep on your dreams.""

Tiffany brushed off the defensive look that was on her face and tried to smile. "Okay, okay you're right. I'm sorry. I didn't mean to get defensive but I don't know."

"You good and yes, you do! Don't you want to become a hairdresser? I mean you're really good and you love it. Does Ms. Stephanie still want you to become a beautician?"

"Of course! It's like a family tradition; my great-grandma was a beautician, my grandmother, my aunts, my mom, and so forth. My mom stays on my case about going to Beauty school every day. She never lets up."

"Probably because you're good at what you do Tiff."

She smiled confidently. "Yeah, I know."

"So why don't you?"

"I mean I want to so badly but-"

"But what?"

"I just don't think I can handle it Ebbie."

"What? Why not?"

"'Cause I got too much on my plate as it is."

"Like what?"

"Girl, bills! My mama wants me to hold my weight up around the house and find a way to get into Cosmology School. She's been saving to help me but it's still not enough just yet especially 'cause she also has Rico and Inez to look after. It's a lot I mean shit is stressful. This is why I'm here 'cause I need the money quick!"

"But this isn't you Tiff! Do you honestly like it here?"

Tiffany looked away before staring down at the ground exhaling. "No, I hate it."

"Then you need to let it go and put this job behind you."

"I don't know Ebbie-"

"Come on Tiff! I don't see why you wouldn't want to take a chance and go to school!"

"Ebony, I don't have it like you."

"How do I have it?" I asked looking at her crazy.

"You didn't have to pay for college except for one semester."

"I got a scholarship for my grades. You can find ways to pay for Beauty School."

"How Ebbie?"

"They have Beauty School scholarships plus I have a friend who owes me a favor. Her mom is an instructor at the Montgomery Beauty School up on Arliss Street and I'm going talk to her for you. Besides, I'm going to also give you all the money I've saved since I was twelve if I have to just to help you out."

"Wait you'd really do all that for me?"

"Tiffany, weren't you one of a few people I remember breaking your neck to make me realize my talents? Last time I checked, you were. You gave up focusing on yourself to focus on me. I owe you!"

"You don't owe me nothing boo. That's what friends are for," Tiffany says putting her hand up and shaking her head.

"Okay well as a friend, let me help you out. Please?"

Tiffany stares at me for a moment and nods with a smile. "Okay."

"Okay. So stop being scared and do what you love!"

"Being scared is for the birds!" she replied confidently.

"See, now that's the Tiff I know!" I said reaching for a high five.

We smile at each other and Tiffany leans her head on my shoulder. "Damn girl, I really missed you liked really!"

"I know. I missed you more! I'm sorry I wasn't always around."

"Ebony, I already told you to stop apologizing for trying to be a better person."

"Well, I still felt like I neglected you guys. The ones who believed in me first and foremost."

"Nah, we understood the hustle and we can't be mad at it. Sometimes you got to sacrifice to gain."

"True now take what you said and make it happen for yourself Tiff. Be that beautician girl!"

"Best believe I will. It's time to grow up."

"Damn right!"

"I know you probably think I'm trashy."

"Trashy? Tiff I would never think that way about you! Why in the hell would you say that?" I asked confusingly.

"Look at where I've been working for about a month now; this isn't exactly Red Lobster. We just all falling apart; seems like you're the only one holding it together."

"Come on that's not true."

"Yeah it is girl. How'd you find out anyway?"

"Kiara."

Tiffany chuckled and shook her head. "Figured she would. I don't even know why I asked."

"Do Niecy, Nellie, and Jessie know you work here?"

"Nah, I didn't tell anybody and the only reason Kiara knows is 'cause her brother told her he saw me here. Once she confronted me, I couldn't lie to her."

"You never been one to lie. Well, why didn't you tell me you work here?"

"Because Ebz', I thought you'd think differently of me; thought you all would."

"'Cause you a dancer?"

"Yeah."

"That's bullshit. You know we'd never judge you! Besides, if you want to be a dancer, be a dancer. That's your choice Tiff."

"Ebbie," Tiffany says to me with a straight face.

"What?" I asked nonchalantly.

"Come on!"

"Come on what?"

"It bothered you a little bit somewhat."

"No, not at all."

Tiffany sucked her teeth at me. "Ebony Lamaya Thompson!" she said sternly.

Whenever any of my friends said my full name, I knew they weren't playing. "Okay, okay. It bothered me slightly."

"Ebony," she huffed in disbelief.

"Okay a lot," I finally confessed.

"Why boo?"

"First off, you're my best friend and I worry about you. Second, I know this isn't you just like the way I use to act wasn't me."

"The way you use to act wasn't you? Are you high? What you talking about Ebbie?"

This would be the first time I confessed to Tiffany that I was never down for being bad. Before this, Tasha was the only one who knew the truth but then again I only recited to Tasha what she already knew. Tasha knew I wasn't down and I was living a lie but she just wanted to hear it come out of my very own mouth. She wanted me to confess it.

Confessing is the first step to acceptance and the road to transition. If I admitted it, that meant I understood the error of my ways and I knew it was time to correct that problem.

"Tiffany, I was never down. I only did the shit I did because it got me a reputation that I was misled to believe was the proper way of earning respect. I didn't do the things I did 'cause I wanted to. I did them for all the wrong reasons. However, I grew tired of settling for the wrong side to keep up with the crowd. I was better than how I acted. I ignored my dreams to fuel the negativity I allowed myself to be exposed to. Tasha helped me realize I was living a lie and once she died, I knew it was time to live the truth. It was time to be the person that I've always been who hide under the phony act."

Tiffany looked at me in complete shock. She never expected me to confess that. "Damn Ebbie! I suspected it 'cause of your writing and all but never would've thought you were living to please others who appreciated negativity like Jinel for instance."

"Yeah I was a knucklehead just like she is."

"Man if I would've knew that, I would've killed you!"

"I know that's why you didn't know."

"Ha-ha very funny!" Tiffany says laughing sarcastically.

"I'm just kidding boo."

"You better be! But damn girl."

"Yeah but that's why I want you to go to Beauty School. Don't be someone you're not Tiff. Don't live to please others 'cause if you're not doing something you love, you're doomed to fail."

"You are too deep sis."

"Well, you know-" I say popping my collar.

"Ha-ha!" Tiffany says laughing at me.

We pause, look at each other, and start laughing again. Damn I missed having moments like this with her. "But for real though Tiff, do what you love boo!"

"You got it! Let me go get my stuff. I'll be right back."

"I'll be right here."

"Cool!"

Tiffany runs back to the dressing room and grabs her stuff. Once she comes back, we walk out of the club smiling with our arms wrapped around each other's back. I hope that this whole thing will be behind her.

# 43

### SECRETIVE JESSICA

Next friend on the agenda to investigate is Jessica. To my surprise and Tiffany's, Jessie is pregnant. We all got a text message randomly out of the blue from Jessie telling us. It kind of threw us off balance.

What makes it even funnier is that nobody knew. Not Tiffany, not Jinel, and not even Shanice. She managed to keep it a huge secret. Jessica tried to be so low-key about her pregnancy and I don't know why. Shanice swears it's 'cause she's ashamed of allowing herself to get caught up in a situation that was destined to leave her a single mother from the jump.

We knew her boyfriend wasn't shit but we didn't try to downplay him in her life. Well, I didn't at least because sometimes it's best to let people figure things out for themselves. They'll learn their lesson better if you do. She loved him but it wasn't as strong as she hoped. He dipped like the punk he is and she never revealed the situation until now. Hell, we just now finding out that she's well into her second month. Did we cuss her out for trying to hide this from us? Hell yes! Whether that's true or not, Jessica knows we love her.

We sat on Jessica's porch trying to figure everything out. "Why didn't you say anything Jessie?" I asked.

"I don't know Ebbie-"

"Tell us Jessie, we're not going to leave you alone until you tell us why," says Tiffany.

"I don't know; I guess I was in denial," Jessica said looking down in shame.

Tiffany and I both lifted her head up. "Denial?" asked Tiffany.

"Denial," says Jessica nodding.

"Why would you be in denial?"

"Because Tiff, I was so in love with a jerk; a jerk who now wants nothing to do with me or the baby. I told y'all all the time how much of a good guy he was and how he loved me yet he left me all alone. What's more embarrassing than that?"

"Trying to harbor all your feelings alone; not looking to us for support," I said rubbing her leg.

Jessica looked down and smiled a little bit. "I know I shouldn't have kept it a secret from you guys."

"Niecy said she thought you were ashamed but it's cool. No need to apologize," says Tiffany.

Jessica shook her head, as her face grew slightly colder by Tiffany's comment. "I bet she did. Where is Niecy anyway?"

"One can only wonder," I said looking off Jessica's porch into the street.

Just then, we spotted Shanice getting out of Brandon's car giggling. She spotted us and walked towards Jessie's porch. Homegirl walked up to the porch looking brand new and what not.

She had on a red leather skirt, a white ruffled top, shiny gold hoops, black Doc Martens, three gold rings on her fingers, her hair was crimped with blonde highlights, and burgundy lipstick covered her lips.

"Hey y'all!" says Shanice.

"Hey yourself," replied Jessica eyeballing her hard maintaining her cold expression.

"Sup' girl!" said Tiffany.

"You look cute," I said cheesing at her.

Shanice patted her hair. "Oh thank you. Brandon hooked me up you know. Got me looking fly."

"I can see."

"Yeah. So what's up? Why y'all sitting on Jessie's porch looking like you're in the middle of an intervention session?"

"Nothing serious, just telling Tiff and Ebbie why I hid my pregnancy from y'all," says Jessica.

"'Cause you were ashamed, we're hip," says Shanice, without an ounce of sensitivity in her voice.

"Sensitivity? What's that?" I asked Shanice.

Tiffany rolled her eyes to the sky. "No bullshit! Niecy can you show a little sensitivity? I mean she feels bad enough and we're over here trying to make her feel better."

"My fault but we shouldn't sugarcoat it at all. She's ashamed of the situation," she says again.

Jessica turned and looked at Shanice angrily. "Oh yeah? Are you ashamed of your situation?"

"Girl, what situation am I in?"

I knew after Shanice said that, the whole situation was going to escalate into something it shouldn't be. You'd think Jinel was here; guess she is in spirit.

"In way over your head, I'll tell you that!" says Jessica irritably.

"Whatchu' tryna' say?"

Jessica stood up to confront Shanice while Tiffany and I ran to hold them back. "Hey! Back up! Chill out y'all!" screams Tiffany as she stands with me in between them. We both held our arms out to keep them both on either side of us.

"Why? Niecy said don't sugarcoat nothin'!" says Jessica yelling piercingly.

"Let homegirl speak her mind! Say what you mean boo!" Shanice asserts.

"Stop! Stop! Stop! We falling apart man!" I said heatedly.

I let them go and sat on the porch upset with all the commotion. Jessica and Shanice knew they were wrong and pulled their chairs up next to me to apologize.

"We're sorry _chica_ ," says Jessica.

"Yeah boo, we didn't mean to upset you," says Shanice.

"Look at us! We've been ghost friends, hiding secrets from one another, Jinel hasn't been around-"

"Damn Ebony, you miss Jinel? We must've really upset you," Shanice says with her eyes big.

"Ha-ha...shut up Niecy!"

We start laughing hard. No matter how unbearable Jinel can be, I had to remind them that she belonged to us.

"Come on, Jinel is our homegirl."

"You mean _was_ our homegirl," says Shanice.

"No, she still is."

"Then where is she at Ebbie? Not here and hasn't been here in a long time."

"She's lost. I'll admit that but she's still here. Just like Jessie said Jinel really supports me although she had the weirdest way of showing it-"

"Damn right," Tiffany cuts in, folding her arms before she rolled her eyes slowly.

"She does Ebbie, I'm trying to tell you," says Jessica.

"Okay, well she's still down; she just needed some time away."

Shanice looked at me still unsure. "I hope your right boo."

"Honestly Niecy, me too but if not we'll survive 'cause we're like glue y'all. We got to stick together 'cause we're all we got. We have to stop the secrets especially 'cause there isn't anything but support and tough love amongst us; adjust the long distance and pick up where we left off. Yeah we're all going through different things in life but that shouldn't stop us from holding on to our friendship. Am I right?"

"Always been, haven't failed me yet," she says smiling.

"You're so right girl!" said Tiffany.

"More than right _chica_!" added Jessica.

"Alright then. Let's promise to never fall apart," I said holding out my pinky.

"Pinky promise!" said Jessica.

"Pinky promise!" said Tiffany lifting up her pinky.

Shanice threw up both of her pinkies. "Pinky promise!"

"Pinky promise!" I said finally as we locked our pinky fingers with each other and kiss them.

"Pinky promises are legit too!" said Tiffany.

"You better believe it!" I said waving my pinky finger as Shanice turned to Jessica smiling softly.

"Hey Jessie, I'm sorry. You know I love you and I didn't mean to hurt your feelings."

"Oh Niecy, I know you didn't. I'm sorry for what I said too. You know you're my girl and I love you too."

They hug and Shanice places a kiss on Jessica's cheek. "Ebbie's right y'all. We got to stick together."

"Most definitely," says Jessica agreeing with Shanice.

"Especially for the sake of little mama who's on the way," says Tiffany as she rubs Jessica's belly.

Shanice and I join Tiffany in rubbing Jessica's belly. "Little mama? How y'all know it's a girl?" asks Jessica.

"I'm just assuming!" said Tiffany shrugging her shoulders.

"Nah no assumptions, just Niecy vision," Shanice says tapping her right eye with her index finger.

"Niecy what?" Tiffany asks as she begins laughing.

"Ha-ha! Girl Niecy vision. I can detect a baby's gender in the womb."

"Girl how?" I asked.

"Well, if you carry high, it's a boy and if you carry low, it's a girl."

"And how you figure that?"

"Especially when Jessie's belly isn't even big yet," says Tiffany.

"Right! I'm only two months; barely three."

"I can see that little belly protruding low already," says Shanice staring at Jessica's belly.

"Ha-ha yeah okay!" says Jessica elbowing Shanice in the arm.

We keep giggling but I keep looking back out at the street hoping, maybe even praying that Jinel would be walking up to drive us crazy but it seems like the more I wait, the chances of that happening become slimmer. I know I miss seeing her but I do have a feeling that once, better yet if she comes back, I'm going to end up with a headache.

However I rather her be with us giving us headaches than somewhere causing havoc alone without us. Besides, we already lost one best friend. We can't afford to lose another that's why I was determined to call an end to this distance and miscommunication we were having. What's happiness if you all can't laugh together?

# 44

### GOOD NEWS

It's Wednesday and I don't have class today. Today is also a professional day for Montgomery County public schools so my sisters don't have school today either. Luckily, I didn't wake up to any arguments from Amir and Shannon because Amir is away at school.

That's right my little brother goes to Morehouse College in Atlanta so the arguments shared between him and Shannon are now at a cease fire. Since my parents are at work, I was in charge of my little sisters today; well they're both teenagers now so I guess they're not so little anymore. I was in the kitchen making Tatiana and Shannon some Kool-aid when the doorbell rang.

"You want me to get it Ebbie?" Tatiana asks me from the living room.

"Sure Tati and make sure you look out of the window before you open the door; it could be one of those solicitors."

"Got it sis!"

Tati ran towards the window to see who it was; it was Tiffany. "Ebbie, its Tiffany and Inez!"

"Okay, answer the door baby."

"Okay!"

That's right, I still call her, "Baby," 'cause she'll always be my baby no matter what. As Tatiana is letting Tiffany and Inez in, Shannon is looking to see what we're having for lunch.

"Ebbie, can we have pizza for lunch?"

"Yeah of course. You want to go downtown for lunch?"

Shannon nodded with no hesitation. "Most definitely!"

"Alright. Once I'm done making this award winning Kool-aid, we can go."

"Award winning though?" Shannon asks snickering and lowering her eyes at me.

I snapped my fingers. "Best to believe it!"

"Well, it is way better when you make it so I have to agree. Marcus needs to take some lessons from you 'cause the batch he made last Thursday was horrible."

I fell out laughing. Marcus ought to be ashamed of himself. You can't mess up the Kool-aid bra. Anything but that! It should be illegal to do that.

"Ha-ha! Thanks for the support and you know what? I think I'll school him on it next time."

She sighed in relief. "Thank God! Please do!"

I laughed and continued to stir the Kool-aid in the pitcher. Next thing I knew, Tiffany and Inez were walking into the kitchen with Tati.

"Man I love this little girl!" says Tiffany.

"I love you too!"

Tiffany hugged Tati tight. Tatiana then went to sit next to Shannon at the table to await this refreshing Kool-aid.

"Shoot, what about me?" asks Shannon throwing her hands out.

"Girl you know I always got love for you too!" said Tiffany.

"Good!" she said as she and Tiffany did their little handshake.

"Hey 'Nez!" said Shannon as Inez came to sit beside her.

"Hey, hey, hey!" said Inez hugging Shannon.

Tiffany walks over to hug me. "And I can't forget my sister! Hey boo!"

"Hey boo!" I said hugging her back.

After I hugged her, I poured the pitcher of Kool-aid into Shannon and Tati's cups on the table. "What's up Inez?" I asked slapping her a high five.

"Just rolling with my sis today you know," she says smiling at Tiffany.

"That means you're going to have fun!"

"You know it!" she says flipping her hair.

I love the relationships Tiffany and I share with our sisters. It's beautiful to have someone who looks up to you. I also love how close Shannon, Tatiana, and Inez are with each other. It's a true sisterhood especially the way they bond.

Although Inez is one grade below Shannon, you wouldn't know it 'cause they're always hanging outside together. However, Tiff and I share the same feeling when it comes to our brothers. We love them but we want to choke them out!

"You want some Kool-aid 'Nez?"

"Sure," she nods.

"Let me get you a cup." I walked over to the pantry to grab a cup for Inez. Once I grabbed the cup, I returned to the table to pour her something to drink.

"Thank you!"

"You're welcome 'Nez."

"Ebbie, guess what?" said Tiffany cheesing hard.

"What's up?" I asked her.

"I got in!" Tiffany says shrieking in excitement.

I put down the pitcher in excitement and took the letter of acceptance from her. Once I read it thoroughly, I hugged her again but this time much tighter. "Oh my god!" I said overly excited.

"I know sis! I know!"

"I am so proud of you! I told you you'd get in!"

"I know but I never would've got in without your help! Thanks for the connects! Ms. Sheri got me a scholarship that will cover my Beauty School expenses."

"That is so good! You know I always got your back!"

"And I'll always have yours."

Tatiana looked up at Tiffany. "Congrats Tiff!" she said in between sips of her juice.

"Good job Tiff!" Shannon added.

"Congrats again sis!" said Inez. "That's my big sister!"

"Thanks you guys!" said Tiffany smiling at them.

Shannon, Inez, and Tati got up to hug Tiffany then we had a group hug. "That is so good!" I said still smiling hard.

"Yeah, I couldn't go back to...you know where," Tiffany said trying to keep her old job on the hush, hush in front of our sisters.

I looked to make sure Tati, Shannon, and Inez didn't catch on and continued the conversation. "What made you change your mind?"

"You."

"Me?"

"Yes, you! Look at where you're at thanks to our motivation. Ebbie, you use to always tell me I should do hair and that talk we had at that place really put things into perspective. We pushed you and you pushed me."

"I know you thought I was judging you-"

"Nah you knew I was better than what I was doing. I knew you weren't judging me. If you can live above that, "Around the way girl," bullshit, so can I."

"That's my girl!"

"Yeah besides like I said, Ms. Sheri hooked me up with a damn good scholarship package. I'm set!"

"See, I told you I could get you the hook up. I was ready to dip into my savings for you."

"Really?" she asked surprised.

I shook my head as I giggled. "Hell yeah! I'd do it in a heartbeat!"

"I know that's why I'll always love you boo."

"And I'll always love you too!" I said cleaning the counter off. "Hey Tiff; I was going to take Tati and Shannon for some lunch downtown. You and Inez down to go?

"Ooh, I want to go Tiff!" Inez says excitedly.

Tiffany agreed to come along with us but then again I knew she would. "I'm down," she says nonchalantly shrugging her shoulders with a smile.

"Yes! We're going downtown?" asks Tati.

"Yes, we are. Thank Shannon for wanting pizza," I said to Tatiana.

"Bet!" Tatiana says giving her a high five. "Thanks Shannon!"

"You're welcome Tati! Pizza sounds good or maybe tacos?"

"Or pasta!" adds Tatiana.

"Or curry chicken!" said Inez.

"Or Chinese food!" says Shannon.

As they continued to pass off food ideas, I looked at Tiffany and we shook our heads as we laughed at them. "I'll buy y'all whatever you're in the mood to eat for lunch."

"Yes!" said Tatiana, Shannon, and Inez.

"Go and get ready y'all," I said to them as they both say okay and get up from the table; Inez goes with them.

After I placed the Kool-Aid in the fridge, I grabbed my purse. "We have to celebrate Tiff."

"Damn right!" she says loudly as we head for the front door.

"Girl, you just be cussin'!" said Inez loudly.

"Girl, you act like you've never heard anybody cuss whole time you got cussed out by mommy about two hours ago."

"So, you not mommy!"

"I can still beat you like she does!"

"Bring it!"

"Little girl, I will bus-," Tiffany says as I close the front door laughing at them.

We walk to my car and I unlock the doors. "We should get Jessie out of the house," I said as I opened the car door.

"Here, I'll text her," said Tiffany pulling up her phone messages.

As we all sat in the car and I made sure everyone had on their seatbelts 'cause I'm not getting a ticket, Jessie texted Tiffany back.

"She said she's just getting off work so she'll meet us in front of City Place when we get there."

"Sounds good to me," I said as we pulled off heading for Wayne Avenue.

"I wonder where Shanice is at?" asked Tiffany.

"Brandon," I said shaking my head.

"That means trouble!"

"God Tiffany, I hope not!"

# 45

### TIFFANY'S TRANSITION

Tiffany started Cosmetology school last week and has really been doing her thang! I think she'll own her own shop very soon. My hair is looking a mess today so I got to go to Tiff so she can work with it.

I closed the door of my car and walked to open the salon door. As I walked into Ms. Stephanie's shop, I found Tiffany washing her mom's hair.

" _Hola Ebony!_ " says Alex.

" _Hola Alex!_ How are you?"

"You know me," he said dancing to the music on the radio. "Always grooving."

I giggled as I watched him moving from side to side. "Oh I know! You can never take a break from dancing."

"Never!" he said as he began to dance faster to his salsa music.

Tiffany looked up as her mom sat up from the shampoo chair with a towel over her hair. "Ebbie!" she said smiling.

"Hey Tiff!" I said walking towards them.

"Come back here girl!"

"I'm coming boo!"

Ms. Stephanie smiled instantly when she saw me. "Hey sweetness!" she said rubbing the towel on her head to dry her hair.

"Hey mommy!" I said giving her a hug.

"How are you?"

"I'm fine. How are you mommy?"

"I'm great! Thanks for asking!"

"She has a date!" Tiffany interrupts.

I put my fist up to my mouth. "Okay mommy!" I said smirking at Ms. Stephanie.

"Yeah, yeah! I'm going out and Tiffany is going to hold the fort down."

"That's what's up Tiff! You better represent!" I said dapping her up.

"You already know boo!"

Ms. Stephanie got up from the bowl. "Come and fix my hair so I can go home to get ready."

"Okay ma'. Wait. Who's watching Inez and Rico?"

"Your grandma is."

"That means Rico isn't going to show off. Thank God!"

She shook her head with a grin. "Nah, that little boy knows better than to play with your grandmother."

We all three walk towards Tiffany's styling chair. That's right, not Ms. Stephanie's chair. Tiffany's chair!

"Oh snap, you got your own chair too? Go Tiff!" I said cheering.

"Thanks love!"

"My almost certified beautician deserves her own chair 'cause I know she's ready!" says Ms. Stephanie in a proud voice.

I sat in Ms. Stephanie's styling chair as I watched Tiffany blow-drying her mom's hair. Once she has Ms. Stephanie's hair dry, she plugs up the small curling iron. Ms. Stephanie wears a bad and I mean bad short haircut so I know it won't take Tiffany long to do her hair.

Once she finishes her hair, she gets ready to leave Tiffany in charge. "Okay, I'm gone ladies! Tiffany, remember to lock up at nine o'clock, sweep the floor, and make sure that everyone's station looks nice and neat before you guys leave. Do your thang sweetie!"

"You got it mommy! Have a great time and see you tonight or tomorrow!" Tiffany says laughing.

Ms. Stephanie tilts her head. "Ha-ha, I'll see you tonight smartass!" she says sarcastically.

"Love you ma'," Tiffany says hugging Ms. Stephanie.

She hugs Tiffany and places a kiss on her forehead. "Love you too baby!" she says.

"Bye mama!" I said as Ms. Stephanie gave me a hug too.

"Bye sweetheart." She also kissed my forehead. "See y'all later!" she said to everyone else as she left the shop.

Once Ms. Stephanie left, Tiffany looked at me smirking. "It's on! I'm going to make her so proud!"

"I know you will!" I said smiling at her.

"Yeah. What you getting into today?"

"Nothing. I can hang out with you all day if you'd like."

"Would you?" asked Tiffany.

"Damn right boo under one condition."

"What's that?"

"I was hoping you could do my hair 'cause it looks a mess."

Tiffany started playing with my hair and chuckled. "Of course boo! I got you right now."

"Bet!"

"Spending time together like old times," says Tiffany as we giggled all the way towards the shampoo bowl.

"I know! You know I would always refer to you guys with my friends at school as if we were never separated. I'd be like, " _Yeah my friend Tiffany does this and Jessica does that. Niecy used to do that and Jinel would say that_." You know, I just always wondered whether you guys talked about me to others as if we never lost touch," I said as I sat down at the shampoo bowl.

"Ebony, you know damn well we always referred to you as if you never left our side. Hell we pretended like you didn't go to school and stuff. People would be like, " _Where's ya other homegirl,_ " and we'd be like she still here what you mean? Everything you felt when we were apart, we felt the same way I promise."

Tiffany and I shared a smile as I laid my head back at the shampoo bowl. Once Tiffany finished washing my hair, we walked back over to her chair so she can begin working on this mess.

"Life of a barber or beautician must seem laid back."

"Laid back? What you mean?" she asked.

"I mean think about it; you set a time for clients and you don't have to be up at the crack of dawn."

"Yeah you right but it takes time to build up a reputation."

"Reputation?"

Tiffany giggled at my confusion. "Yes, reputation. See how beauticians and barbers including my mom have endless clients?"

"Yeah."

"Well, it didn't happen overnight. People are real sketchy when it comes to letting folks near their hair. Hell you only let me near your hair!"

"Ha-ha, this is true," I said laughing.

"Last thing anybody wants is somebody messing up their hair!"

"Damn right, that's deadly!"

"Hell yeah! Fists and bullets will fly if somebody messes up someone's hair. Once you do a person's hair right, they'll tell a friend who'll tell another friend and so on. It's almost like being a salesperson on commission for real."

"This is your calling."

"Ha-ha here you go."

"What? I'm serious! Rule number one; know the game. Know how the business works. Once you know that, you'll know how to hustle. I mean isn't that what you told me once upon a time?"

"Yeah sounds familiar," Tiffany, says shaking her head left to right in agreement. We both start laughing. This chick and her modesty sometimes is something else. "One day, I'll own this shop."

"Damn right! Real soon it seems!"

"And you'll have to do a news story on it or write an article."

"Promotional exposure, huh?"

"You know it!"

"Nah, I think I'll pass."

"Girl!" she said moving the hot curling iron around my face. "I will burn you with this curling iron."

"Aye chill!" I said laughing. "Come on boo, you know I'm just messing with you! You know I got your back!"

"Aye!"

Tiffany and I dap each other up and then she turns me back around in the chair so she can finish curling my hair.

"Hey, I'm sorry I've still been a little distant-," I said before Tiffany cut me off.

I'm sure Tiffany is tired of me apologizing. "Shush! Distance makes the heart grow fonder. You are my best friend regardless. Don't apologize for hustling! Besides you're going to make my shop famous with your story you write about my fly hairstyles."

"Of course! I love you!"

"I love you more especially 'cause you got me to realize that I know nothing about the pole business except you get fast money although I already knew that."

Once Tiffany finished my hair, I tried to pay her. "Let me pay you."

"No! Put it away 'cause I'm not taking it."

"Come on Tiff, just take it."

"No, I will always do your hair for free. You my day one and taking any money from you is a direct insult. I refuse-"

"Besties look out for each other."

"Exactly, which means I'm not taking your money and never will."

"Ugh fine, but I'm treating you to dinner."

"Fine and I'll treat us to dinner the next time."

I give Tiffany a straight face and laugh as I put my money back into my purse. She refuses to let me give her anything without returning the favor. True friendship.

"You going to hang with me in here today Ebbie?" Tiffany asked as she cleaned out her hairbrush.

"Of course boo! I promised you I would! Besides, I enjoy hanging with you especially in here watching Alex turned up on his salsa music."

"Yeah, he's obsessed." Tiffany looks over at Alex dancing while cutting his client's head and giggles. "But thanks for wanting to stick around!"

"Anytime! Think of what you want for dinner."

"Okay."

We heard the door chime and Jessica emerge into the shop. "I hope you're treating us too!"

"Jessie!" we shouted as we ran to hug her.

"What you guys up to?" she asks rubbing her nose.

"Tiffany's in charge tonight so I'm hanging with her until closing."

Jessica sucks her teeth. "Ooh I want to hang around too!"

"Well duh! You know we want you to!" says Tiffany giggling.

"Cool," Jessie says as she goes to sit behind the front counter.

"Has anyone seen Niecy?" I asked.

"Nah and just like wondering where Jinel is, the entire thought of it stresses me out," says Jessica fanning herself with a magazine.

"Brandon has been taking her on runs. I'm pretty sure those runs aren't grocery runs neither," adds Tiffany.

"Let her keep on dealing with him. It's going to get her in trouble and I cannot take going to see her locked up which could happen."

"I know Jessie. Let's just pray that we're jumping to conclusions," I said helping to fan her off.

"You ain't lying!" added Tiffany looking outside at the ongoing traffic.

# 46

### SHANICE IN TROUBLE

Tiffany called me at school two weeks ago and told me that Shanice got locked up. I thought Tiffany was playing games with me but damn she was right. Of all people, Shanice though?

Then again, Jessica called that one. I want to know what she did although I know that whatever it is, Brandon is involved I'll bet that.

Here we are in Rockville at this detention center ready to figure out the reason why Niecy is in way too deep. Of course, I'm hesitant to go through with this.

"You ready to go see what's up sis?"

"Yeah girl, I guess," I said to Tiffany as I rubbed my hands through my hair and exhaled.

"What's wrong?"

"I just...I don't know Tiff."

Tiffany takes a seat beside me on the curb. "Come on say what's on your mind."

"I just don't want to see Niecy like this."

"I know but we got to. We can't just leave Niecy in there to rot and not let her know that we love her and no matter what dumb shit she's on, she still our girl. I mean Jessie's already stressed out enough and Niecy's current situation would only upset her much worse. That's why she just decided to go to work. Jinel is still missing in action and we don't know where we stand in her life. I mean we got love for her but we don't know how she's feeling about us. So now, we have to be strong for Jessie and for Nellie. We can kill Niecy for this bull later once she gets out but for right now, we have to show her that we love her okay?"

I slowly nodded and began to crack a smile. Tiffany was right; we got to stick by Niecy regardless of how we feel about the trouble she's in. At this point, it seems like we're all Shanice has to depend on.

"Okay."

Tiffany takes my hand. "Ready?" she asks.

"Yeah...I'm ready."

"Alright, let's do this!"

We grasped each other's hand tightly before standing up. We headed for the entrance of Montgomery County's Detention Center. Luckily we came with Niecy's mom to sign up as a group two weeks ago when she first got into trouble so that we could visit her. Hell, Jessica came too but she became overwhelmed and said she couldn't see Niecy like that. I know people would say Jessie's being emotional because she's pregnant but I don't think she would be able to handle this even if she wasn't pregnant.

Jessica never liked to see people in the worst possible state. Stuff like this always broke her heart that's why she was highly upset when I was planning to go and set the dudes up that killed Tasha with Jinel.

Niecy could only receive two visits per week until she's released and since Ms. Henderson already saw her one day this week, she said we could visit Shanice this time especially 'cause she had to work. She also said that Niecy really would love to see us.

We checked in and followed the guard to the visiting area to wait for Niecy. We spotted Niecy as she was led over to us. The guard smiled and allowed us all to hug each other. We hugged Niecy so tight! We have one hour; let's make this count.

"Oh my God...I miss you guys so much!"

"We miss you more Niecy!" I said rubbing my eye as I moved to the chair to sit down.

"Yes! We want you to come home," says Tiffany as she pushed her hair from out of her face.

"I'm just glad you two are here!"

Niecy looked much different from her usual self. She's wearing a washed out uniform, her hair looks like she's been steadily outside in the heat, and she looks restless. It's just not the Shanice we're used to.

I hope she saw how she looked in the mirror and realized she isn't built for this kind of trouble. Now it's time to figure out what she was thinking.

"Of all people to end up in jail, how did it come to be you Shanice?" I asked.

"Well, remember how I told you that your choice of men was flawed and you need to try to find better ones?"

I giggled loudly. "Like yesterday!"

"Well, I didn't follow my own advice. I got caught up trying to have my boyfriend's back and said I would hold half of his shit for him."

"What? How much?"

"Girl, Brandon had about ten grams of weed on him and we got pulled over. I knew he would get hit hard if he told them that it was all his-"

"But it was," Tiffany interrupted.

"I know that Tiff but I wanted to have his back I mean he is my boyfriend."

I shook my head. "So you took five and he took five."

"Yeah, I mean he'd do it for me Ebbie."

"You sure about that?" Tiffany asks suspiciously.

"Son, Tiffany please don't start today," Shanice says balling up her fists.

"Okay, I won't. I just want you to understand that your boyfriend is a sketch artist. He is suspect as hell, I mean come on you can do better Niecy. You know how you used to always tell us? But I'll back off 'cause I'm not trying to judge you."

She rolled her eyes. "Well damn, it seems like it to me!" she said defensively.

"Nah, we just know you're better than this I mean this is a real shock Niecy," I said to try to calm her down.

"Look, y'all two don't know nothin' about love!" she exclaims a little louder.

"Would you lower your voice before you get yourself into trouble?" Tiffany says in a low and stern voice.

Shanice looked around at the guards and agreed to change her tone. "My bad y'all, my bad," she says apologetically.

"Thank you!" said Tiffany.

"Okay you know what you're right, we don't but we do know that love doesn't work that way."

"Damn right, if that's love than I rather not fall for it," Tiffany adds.

"Wow, you two are real supportive right now," Shanice, says sarcastically.

Tiffany drew her head back in disbelief. "Damn right we are! We're here to see you. That's very supportive 'cause we could've said fuck it, you know, like Jinel did."

"Exactly and you know damn well that Jinel knows you're in here!" I added.

"Yeah seeing how she knows what's poppin' in the neighborhood," Tiffany says moving her fingers up and down in quotations.

"Where the hell is Jinel?" she asks.

"Hanging with some, "Wannabe thugs," in the neighborhood. You know she always wants to play tough girl," I added moving my fingers up and down like quotation marks as I shook my head.

"Tsk I see how it is," she nodded. "I'm going to beat her ass when I get out!"

"Nah Niecy it's all good. We just know where we stand with her right now. She's not ready to change. Can't even be mad at her 'cause there was a time when I wasn't ready to change despite the pleas from those who loved me," I said reminiscing to my days of being a hardhead.

Shanice nods at us in acceptance. "You right she'll come around eventually. I got nothing but love for her. Anyways, how's Jessica?"

"She's fine. You know stuff like this stresses her out. She had to work."

"Plus, she wanted to see you but she didn't want to see you like this you know," says Tiffany.

"True. I understand and I don't blame her. She has to get that money especially for the baby plus the last thing I want to do is get her all stressed out," she said looking somewhat gloomy.

"Yeah but she does love you Niecy. Trust me," I said sincerely.

She lifts her head up and looks at us quietly before cracking a slight smile. "I know she does. Jessie hates negativity and this right here is negative. Truth be told, I didn't want any of y'all to see me like this. Either way, I know you guys love me. Hell, Jinel loves me too although she can be such a fool," she says chuckling.

"I agree," I said smiling as I placed my hand on her arm along with Tiffany.

For a minute, we sat there quietly taking it all in. "So, when you getting out?" Tiffany says breaking the ice.

"Next week sometime but trust I'm going to end up with a court day."

"I bet! You got caught with five grams of weed....Oops, I mean you took the wrap for five grams of weed. You know damn well no judge is going to let you walk away from that scout free."

"I know Ebbie," she says itching her head.

"Please don't get caught up like this anymore more Niecy! Prison orange isn't your color!" pleads Tiffany.

"At all!" I added.

Shanice bursts out laughing at us. "Ha you right! I'm more of a sun-kissed orange ya know what I mean?"

"You're a whole fool!" said Tiffany laughing.

"I know but hey you have my word."

"Don't be a sucker for love!" I said to her as she continued to giggle.

"Whatever!" she cut her eyes with a smile. "I hear you though."

The guard taps Shanice on the shoulder, which means her time is up. Shanice looks at us and rolls her eyes. We giggle and shake our heads. "Well, five-oh clocking y'all so I got to go!"

"Alright hun. Be safe and stay outta' trouble!" says Tiffany.

"We love you boo! We'll be waiting when you get outta' here," I said reaching for one last hug.

"Okay, I love y'all more!" Shanice said as Tiffany and I joined her for a group hug.

Once we each placed a kiss on Niecy's cheek, we watched her being escorted out of the visiting area. As we headed for the exit, Tiffany and I linked our arms together.

We must've really touched one of the guards 'cause she pulled us to the side. "You know, she's lucky to have you two as friends. I think you've gotten through to her. I think she'll be fine."

"Thank you. We sure hope so," I told the guard as Tiffany nodded.

"She'll be fine. You ladies enjoy the rest of your day."

"Thank you. We will," says Tiffany.

"You do the same," I added.

"Thank you," the guard says to us as we continued to walk to the exit.

"You're welcome!" we both said at the same time.

Initially I was nervous but I'm honestly glad we came. I felt so much better going to see Niecy. It was time to bring us back together. Now it may not be the same like high school but I rather for us to be together than to split further apart.

# 47

### BEHIND THE BITTERNESS

I sat on my front porch watching a group of girls who appeared to be high schoolers laughing and talking together on the curb across the street. Their interaction brought a smile to my face as I started to remember a time when I was standing where they're at laughing with my friends.

Jessica would be laughing while being concerned over her appearance. Tiffany would be eating her usual snack, Cheetos, while dishing dirt she found out. Shanice would be edging us on to double dutch while Jinel would be looking for some trouble we could get in. Tasha of course, would be writing in her notebook and making sure, I was good.

As I continued to watch in awe, Jinel came and sat beside me with her eyes also focused on the group of girls. "Aye brings back memories, huh?" she said cracking a smile.

"Yeah, the good old days when we did nothing but laugh and get into everything," I replied smiling.

"Yeah. What happened to us? Why couldn't things be different? Or at least stay the same."

"Life girl; life, death, and growth. Nothing is meant to stay the same forever. This was all in God's plan. We're living out the story he designed personally for each of us."

"You think he knows how our lives are going to turn out?"

"Of course, he's God. He knows everything. I think when we're born; he gives us two stories just like he gives us our birth and death dates. I believe the first sign of temptation that you step to in life is where the story will separate into two paths; path one, which is good and path two, which is somewhat bad. Depending on your decision, your story will be edited to fit that version but regardless your story can always be rewritten."

"So when you made the decision at twelve to start getting into trouble that was the first sign of temptation?"

I sat there reminiscing about how I took my first drink at twelve that led to my first hit of weed to ultimately the loss of my virginity at fifteen. Jinel was right; my first test of temptation started when I was twelve. I was my own peer pressure.

"Yeah, that was the first test and I flunked it with flying colors. God then gave me the fast life story version of my life until a little before Tasha died. Once I started changing, he rewrote my story to the better version which I consider a second chance."

Jinel turned and finally looked at me. "Damn, you're really deep Ebz' but I guess you're right. Maybe God can start rewriting my story 'cause it's time."

"He will boo, he will but you got to show him a reason for him to do so."

"Yeah, I think I will." She looked down at the concrete before looking back up at me. "But what's up?"

"The usual. Coolin'. You?"

She smiled. "Shoot, my usual. How have you been?"

"I've been good just enjoying the final countdown to graduation."

"I know you're happy!" she says elbowing me and smirking.

"Damn right! How have you been?"

"I've been good. Keeping a fairly low profile for real."

"True I figured something was up. We were worried about you. We were praying you were staying out of trouble."

"Yeah nah, I'm straight. No trouble on this end. Just took some time to think ya' know?" she said giggling.

"Yeah I know but that's good to hear boo. I'm shocked that you are being this mellow with me."

"What? Why?" Jinel asks in shock.

"Come on Nellie," I said shaking my head. "You know why."

"Well if it means anything, I am so proud of you!"

I paused for a second. _Did Jinel just say she's proud of me?_ "You know, it means a lot hearing that from you."

"Seriously?"

"Yeah! I didn't think you were really down for my success or me for that matter."

"Ebony, no matter how I acted, that's not what I really felt."

"Really?"

"Have you ever heard that your meanest friend actually knows what's good for you? You think they're just mean but they believe in you. Probably more than you do."

When I tell you I struggled to keep my mouth from dropping all the way to the floor, I promise it was tough.

"Uh yeah.... I've heard that once or twice."

"Well in this case, it's true."

I smiled as we fist pumped our knuckles together. I use to sometimes wonder why I kept Jinel around. I always questioned it but never once thought about cutting her off. It was something inside my soul that just wouldn't let me let her go; that and Jessica's persistence that Nellie really cares about me.

Now I see why my instinct, why Jessica, and why God himself wouldn't allow Jinel and I to split apart and frankly I'm grateful for it.

"So I heard you're trying to get your story published."

"Yeah, I'm trying to get Tasha's stuff published too I mean it's only right."

"Respect, respect. Can't wait to read it," she says in a generous tone.

I'm sorry, I'm just so not used to Jinel showing compassion; she's usually the tough one or maybe just hiding behind a tough exterior. Either way, animosity is in her nature. I'm pretty sure this is her vulnerable side that we never saw.

"I'll make sure you're one of the first ones to read it when I do," I said smiling and elbowing her back.

"Good looking out."

"Of course."

We both glance down to the ground when Jinel gets my attention. "Hey," she says glancing up from looking at the ground.

I turned my head to look at Jinel waiting to hear what she had to say. "What's up Nellie?"

"I know you're still in shock but seriously I want you to know that even though I never showed it, I've always believed in you."

This girl really wants to give me a heart attack. "Wait. What? Really?" I said in shock.

"Yeah girl, I know it's all hard to believe."

"Pretty much! Sometimes I thought you secretly hated me."

She looked at me slightly offended. "Hate you? Hell no!" Jinel looked away before explaining herself. "Truth be told, I never hated you Ebony. I was slightly intimidated by your success, actually jealous if that makes any sense. I tried to push you away because Ebony you have a talent; a talent that we could only wish we had as well. I guess I took it hard because you were going to escape our neighborhood with your dreams rather than your soul just like-"

I glance down as Jinel struggles to say Tasha's name.

"Just like Tasha ultimately did. I'm not saying people around here die every day but I'm just saying that sometimes it's easy to allow your soul to wander to the place of your dreams while you're physically stuck going nowhere of importance. Technically, I feel like those who never tried to escape with their dreams did die in their own way even if they are physically here. Since I couldn't find something I was good at, I felt like I didn't have a dream; I considered myself one of those people who were dead because I felt I wasn't destined to go anywhere."

"You could be a writer too. You're pretty deep."

Jinel cut her eyes and giggled as she looked at me. "Yeah right!"

"You could!" I said being serious.

"Maybe...but we wanted you to have a chance to follow your dreams and not be another person around here who let their dreams go to waste. You've always had potential; I guess I blame myself at times for sitting back and watching you slip into a person you're not just to be down. I know it didn't help by me testing your loyalty for being down either. We sat back and let you almost give up. Mostly me. I didn't slight you out of spite; I slighted you 'cause I believed in you. I could never forgive myself if I let you continue to walk around here getting into trouble or watch you eventually fall victim to a life that you're not about. I just want you to be the voice Tasha couldn't live to be."

I softly smile and look off in another direction. "You know; I didn't believe Tasha really died until her casket closed. For the first time, reality set in for me. I use to live in a pretend land being someone that I'm not and ignoring who I really was in reality. The day she was buried, I woke up out of the dream and began to live my factual reality." I then looked back at Jinel. "Honestly Nellie, I allowed myself to almost give up but I appreciate you even if you were a bad influence."

We both started giggling as Jinel shook her head. "Yeah I wasn't the best at all."

"Nah but being Tasha's voice is the goal. However, I would've never thought you felt that way."

"Most definitely! I know I rarely showed it but I was damn proud of you."

"I'm glad to hear to that. Can I ask you something though?"

"Ask away."

"What caused you to be so tough like that? You know, not showing love or giving props when it's due."

"Oh Ebony, a damaged mind corrupts a loving soul; never forget that."

I stopped and really let that sink in; Jinel went deep for a second just with that statement.

"The damage for me began as a child. You know I wasn't blessed with the parental support like you guys were. Every time I did something good, every time I wanted positive approval, I never got it. Instead, I was put down for it. The ones I craved to hear it from the most never told me, "Good job," or "I'm proud of you."

I knew Jinel was talking about her mom. Jinel has always had it rough. Her and her brothers. Her mother was too busy roaming the streets and partying that she never had time to be there for Jinel.

We always suspected that her mother's situation was one of the reasons that Jinel was the way she is but we left it alone. That situation is overly complicated to understand. I can't even get mad her honestly.

"Nellie, I'm sorry. I mean I know nothing I say can really fix much but regardless you shouldn't have allowed that to cause you to walk around sour especially when you knew we always had love for you."

"I know. My mom's situation was still no reason for me to act like that but I guess that was my way of coping with it even if it was the wrong way to do so. Remember that day when you told me you always had love for me and that your loyalty to me has never changed?"

I smiled hard. "How could I? It was the truth."

"Well, that has stuck with me since the day you told me not to go after that boy."

"Really?" I asked still surprised by this entire conversation.

"I mean yeah. When you don't hear things like that often, they take you by surprise. You start to feel a way that is hard to describe."

"So what did you do after you walked away that day?"

"Shoot, you know what I did. I couldn't do it and I just went home. Actually, I went looking for Kiara and Dana. Hell, everybody backed out of it."

I sighed in relief as I patted my chest. "Oh thank God! We were hoping you did walk away."

"I know that's why I couldn't do it."

Jinel actually listening to us for once was a complete shock. I guess hell is going to turn into ice water 'cause I said that would happen the day she actually decided to listen to us.

"Girl, what got into you?" I ask her.

"Surprised, right?" she asked sarcastically. She nodded. "I know. Maybe it's the fact that I had friends who really cared for me even when I didn't deserve it," she said calmly.

I smiled at her and she returned it. "What did Ty, Shawn, and Tommy say?" I asked because I knew they weren't going to bam out of a move without saying something slick about the person who backed out first.

"Shit, they thought I was tripping but Tommy said he knew I wasn't fully cold blooded enough to do anything like that. Then they stood there and realized that it wasn't worth it. Ty decided he would rather use his fists than a bullet. Actually, Tommy made them stand down 'cause he's not about going to jail. That's why Ty came to that conclusion."

"I agree with Tommy but I'm shocked at Ty. The boy is growing a brain," I nodded. "So how come you stayed away from us as long as you did?"

Jinel shrugged and shook her head slightly. "I hate showing my emotions and you know it. I didn't want you all to have the satisfaction of knowing that you guys were right. I was thankful for what you said but the broken girl inside of me resented you guys for the moment for trying to show me the light when I've been forever stuck in a dark tunnel. So I just hung around with Kiara, Dana, Tommy, Shawn, and Ty to keep from softening up; just kept on actin' tough even though it wasn't in me you know just like how you kept being that girl you knew nothing about. Besides, I felt like Tasha's death was my fault. I felt like you guys probably hated me."

Nellie dropped her head as the tears began to form in her eyes. I moved closer to her. "Nellie, hate you? How could we hate you? Come on now. It wasn't your fault."

"Yes it was! If Ty and Shawn didn't come over to talk to me, that car would've never sped past us and shot Tasha instead of them. I saw the look on Tasha's face when they came over to talk to me while she was jumping in the ropes. She had the same paranoid look on her face that one day after school when y'all saw me with them. Ebony that face of distrust that was on Tasha's face every time she saw them sticks with me every day! I killed her Ebbie! I killed her!"

Nellie was screaming and crying at this point. I felt hurt seeing her this way.

"No, don't do this! Nellie; it wasn't your fault! Just like it took everyone to remind me that I didn't kill her by giving up my turn to jump rope to her. You didn't pull the trigger. We don't hate you. We never could! You did not kill Tasha!"

Nellie shook her head in understanding while choking on her own tears. I could tell she's been bottling up this pain. I kept rubbing her back until she stopped crying. I helped her to wipe away her warm tears.

Jinel looked at me and cracked a smile. "Thanks Ebbie."

"You're welcome!" We sat there quietly for a moment as I wiped a tear from her cheek. "Hey-"

"Yeah?" she asked fixing her face.

"Why did you always act colder to me sometimes?"

"I didn't want to be left behind I mean we were the tightest in the crew almost after you and Tasha even Tiffany. It was almost like personal animosity; we were close but then we split apart without splitting apart. It was like you were the same person as me but once you started writing we stopped getting into trouble. I only knew confusion and so when you stopped wanting to participate in it as much, I felt like there was nobody else like me at least within our crew so I felt alone. I felt like we weren't as tight as we were."

"Come on Nellie. We've always been tight."

"I know but I just didn't want to accept that you wanted better. It's funny 'cause I knew it wasn't in you to act like that but I felt like if you did those things, I wouldn't be alone."

"But you aren't alone!"

She cracks a smile. "I know that now."

"Good 'cause we did a lot of stupid shit together even with the crew." I started playing with her hair as I asked another question. "When did you figure out that the person you've been trying to be isn't you?"

"Like I said. The day you guys tried to stop me from going to set up that boy."

I kept staring at Jinel and ultimately I began to smile. This whole conversation still has me in shock. No lie! I would've never thought anyone could get Jinel to act like this especially not me. That girl rarely listened to anything we ever had to say but I know why now.

"Are you sure you're not high right now?" I said squinting my eyes.

"Ha-ha no!" she said snickering. "I'm actually straight and sober right now."

"Okay. So were you really mad at me that day when you told me to go hang with my smarter friends?"

"No, I was just talking out of hurt and fear."

"Fear? Fear of what?" I asked her astonishingly.

"Fear that you wouldn't want us as friends anymore when you started meeting other kids at school. You're the glue of the crew and without the glue, we wouldn't be able to hold it together. You saw how distant we were but you've been reminding each of us that we have to stick together no matter what."

I held my arms out to Jinel and she fell into them. She was more afraid of losing my friendship to other people than losing me to her crazy attitude. She's so messed up but it's cool 'cause she's my messed up best friend. Yes, I said _best friend_.

"You could never lose me Nellie. Trust me if you could, I'd be gone already."

"I know. I promise I'm going to be a better friend," she said with her head leaning against my shoulder.

"Well good news, you've already shown you're a better friend than before."

She smiled and I leaned my head on top of hers. When Jinel started telling me all of this, I thought I was high or something.

I thought she was mad at me for calling it quits on getting into trouble and trying to become a writer but apparently, she wasn't. She was a ghost supporter and I probably never would've knew it if I wasn't sitting on my front porch today.

Jinel pushed me away and I thought it was because she was solely against me. She acted like that to save my life from crumbling. Isn't this some crazy shit Tash'? Then again, you read Jinel to me that day at your house. I'm just glad you were right.

The same person who felt intimidated by my writing talents actually believed I could make it. Jessica told me Jinel really had faith in me despite her crumby attitude and I didn't believe it for a minute. Today however, I know Jessica was also right all along.

Jinel was right though. I can name so many friends of ours even acquaintances who had a dream that they didn't follow through on. Those same people have been in the same place all of their lives and don't even try to look for any opportunity to grow. They just accepted what they have and live each day. I have a dream. I refuse to just go on living day by day as if I never had one.

It was starting to get late and we both decided we should go in the house for dinner. We gave each other a hug and Jinel turned to walk home.

Before I could go inside, Jinel turned to me with a smirk on her face. "Hey Miss. Journalist?" she asked.

"Yeah?" I said slowly turning towards her.

"Where's your notebook at?" she asked smiling.

I couldn't help but return the smile; it reminded me of the good old days we had. "It's always with me, always."

"Good, it better be!"

"Seriously, you should consider writing!" I yelled out to her.

"Maybe I will," Jinel said nodding her head slowly.

Jinel continued smiling as she headed up the street. I smiled harder as I watched her walk away with my head leaning on the post of my front porch.

# 48

### MORMON TEMPLE

I drive my car to this trail along Beach Drive. It's a great view of the Mormon Temple. I remember as a kid thinking this temple was Disney World. I mean it looked like a castle that you'd find at Disney. Mama always thought I was nuts whenever we'd drive pass it on 495 and I'd be like, _"Its Disney World."_ She could never understand that logic.

The imagination that lies within us as kids sometimes only makes sense to us but I guess that's what makes our imaginations so vivid. I got all excited when we attended the Festival of Lights one year. It was so beautiful. It was at that moment though that I realized the Mormon Temple had zero relation to Disney World however, I still call it that whenever I pass by it.

As I stare at the gold trumpet piece at the top, I think about everything I have done to get to this point thus far. Everything I've gone through has shaped me for the better. If I had to do it all again, I think I'd do it the exact same way.

Last week, the police apprehended Tasha's killer at the arcade downtown. Good to know that justice does prevail. I'm even more satisfied that Jinel, Ty, Shawn, and Tommy didn't take that boy's life into their own hands. I couldn't stand the thought of losing one more friend even though it felt like I did for a second.

This breeze has such a distinct smell; I don't know, it just reminds me of the happiness I always felt during the summer although it's still considered late spring in May anyway. Even the smells from restaurants are more distinct with the warm weather. It's like you can smell every ingredient being cooked. I love it!

Nothing ever could truly upset me during the summer because I was obsessed with the entire season. I mean you don't have to wear layers and it gets dark later than the winter. I honestly believe my mom meant to have me in Florida or a Caribbean Island. I love heat. I'm the type of person who will drive around in the summer with the heat blaring in my car yet it's in the high eighties outside. People think I'm crazy but I'm obsessed with heat. Guess it's even funnier that I'm a December baby.

Tasha understood my craziness though; she liked hot weather just like me. We dreamed of going to Vegas one day to experience a day of 104-degree heat after Tasha's cousin, who lives there, came to visit and told us how hot it gets there. Just us hearing that it gets that hot had us hooked instantly! We were ready to move to Vegas at that exact minute.

This temple brings me peace even with the constant horns heard from the beltway and continuous moving traffic on Connecticut Avenue. It's like I hear the noise of traffic but as I stare at the temple, it's as if nothing else exists. I feel at peace as I sit here looking at the temple; this is a perfect place to write.

I got up off the hood of my car to grab my notebook from off my passenger seat while enjoying the beautiful breeze grazing my skin and causing my hair to blow in the wind.

Once I grabbed my notebook, I hoped back on the hood of my car and began to write:

Ebony's Notebook

As a kid, I used to look out at the ocean and think that at the end of it, there was a waterfall. Now that I'm old enough to know the ocean continues, I still can't help but believe that there's a waterfall where the water from the ocean pours into. But where would the water go? I never thought that far. I guess imaginations don't have boundaries which is what makes them so unique. That imagination was strong enough to allow me to believe that the Mormon Temple was Disney World but even now that I know better, I still allow my imagination to make me believe it.

Seeing how I never been to Disney World, that temple was as far as I've gone to a magical looking castle so I just keep allowing my mind to think like an eight-year-old who doesn't know any better whenever I drive pass it. Sometimes I wish I could be that careless eight-year-old that I was where the only concern I had was whether I wanted to play outside or watch television. Unfortunately, those days were long gone and now I have to be mature. I think that was the main problem that my friends and I were going through. We wanted to remain the same way we were in high school but we couldn't; our lives were too different.

We thought that by taking different paths meant that our friendship would be in jeopardy. However, the only reason it could've been in jeopardy was due to our own stupidity. We believed to mature meant to grow apart but luckily, I was able to help them remember that we are still strong if we allow ourselves to be. Nothing can force a friendship to end unless you create, instigate, or allow something to take a penetrating stab to the bond you all have. The knife might have been lying beside our bond but I damn sure wasn't going to allow it to take a stab at it especially for something as petty as distance. The only thing that created the biggest raft in our friendship was distance.

Sadly, I've watched people who were the best of friends become the best of strangers just because they had different things going on in their lives. Some people don't know how to balance the two especially when life brings on so many challenges. I've been through it myself that's why I fought so hard not to let that happen to Jessie, Tiff, Niecy, Nellie, and I. I mean we are the "Bradford Posse", as my brother always used to joke about. There was no way in hell I was going to let separation split us apart. I know it should be six of us celebrating in the next few weeks but then there were five. However, one of the six celebrates with us in spirit. I can't thank God enough for bringing Nellie back to us; then again, Nellie never left. Now that we're back on the same page, I'm not letting us wander off to another page again without each other.

♥♥♥♥♥♥

May 2, 2014

I stopped writing to look up at the sky that sits behind the temple like a shadow; I feel like Tasha is sitting on the trumpet of the temple writing too. She's probably written about ten books by now and they're probably Best Sellers in Heaven. I don't have to tell her about how Jinel changed 'cause I know she saw it and probably isn't even shocked.

Tasha read her before she was probably able to read herself. Tasha was the only one of us who wasn't surprised by much. Maybe because she foresaw a lot of things we took a blind eye to.

Now Jessica, Tiffany, and Shanice would have slipped into a coma if they saw Jinel's vulnerability. Jinel would've still been talking while they were laid out on the pavement lost in the deepest confusion while trying to gasp for air. I mean they know it exists but they're so use to her attitude that they don't truly understand how to handle seeing Jinel express any emotion.

Shit is crazy. I haven't sat at the box in so long that I miss it. I don't care how many electric boxes they can place in any neighborhood. None of them will ever be the box we hung out at. Even when I choose to move out of state, none of them will ever compare. I can't wait to introduce my best friends to Calvin, Cameron, and Eddie at my graduation lunch; I just know they'll like them 'cause they are crazy just like them.

Excuse me if you haven't noticed already; sometimes my mind wanders over so many things almost always at random. I've been writing my journeys since I was a teenager but I've also wrote things at random. When I get an idea, I write it down I don't care where I am or what I'm doing. Any thought in my opinion can be put to good use whether it be now or in the future.

I stare at the sun setting sky one last time before getting in my car to head home. Even as I pull off, I constantly stare back and forth from the road to the temple.

Once I get to Connecticut Avenue however, I keep my eyes on the road because Montgomery County drivers test your horn blaring skills. If you don't believe me, try driving through it for yourself I don't care what part either.

If you didn't have road rage before, I promise you'll gain it the second you drive through this county. Don't get me wrong; I love this county and it'll always be home but I'm not in love with the amount of its non-driving folks.

As I head home with my music loud, I drive with a smile just being thankful for being so blessed. I'm glad Tasha got through to me when I was younger because now that I think about it, I was only blocking my blessings.

# 49

### JESSICA'S BABY SHOWER

Other than Jessica and my best friends, it seems like all my other friends are having babies but I'm not ready. I don't want to bring a life into the world hoping I can handle it check to check. I mean I know most in that predicament can't help it but I feel like if you can help it, prevent it.

No, I don't mean abortion. I mean don't even allow yourself to get caught up if you know your situation isn't stable and if the guy isn't shit. You can't search for sympathy if you settled for an anything ass guy who showed you his true colors from the jump. No offense to Jessie; it's just how I feel.

However, this doesn't even apply to Jessie 'cause Carlitos was a trickster, sort of like Jabari was. He did anything and everything for Jessie until she got pregnant which can only mean he did anything and everything to get sex out of her in return for that phony kindness. I just hope he realizes that he messed with her self-esteem.

Thanks to him, she almost didn't have a baby shower but we were determined that she was going to have one and we didn't care who was going to come. Jessica deserved a day to boost her spirit. Besides, it's too late to be ashamed about anything.

The baby is growing and there isn't a damn thing she can do to fix that factor now. All she can do is provide baby Maria with the unconditional love she deserves.

Yeah we found out it's a girl as we suspected or hoped if you will. Oh, did I mention that this entire baby shower is a surprise? She said she wasn't going have one but she got us messed up completely. Even Alia helped us to put it together.

"What are y'all up to?" Jessica asked suspiciously.

"It's a surprise," says Shanice.

"Come on," Jinel said excitedly as she grabbed Jessica's arm.

"Ugh, okay," Jessica, said still suspicious of our intentions.

I know how Jessica is about surprises. She loves the rush of knowing that there is something in store for her but not knowing what it is makes her grow impatient. Actually, I think I just described human nature. I think everybody has that feeling when it comes to surprises. I know I do.

Tiffany covered Jessica's eyes with her hands. "Keep your eyes closed!"

"And you bet' not peak!" added Jinel leading Jessica into the room.

"Okay, okay! Just take me to the surprise!" Jessica said growing impatient.

"Okay boo, we're almost there!" I said laughing.

We guide Jessica with Tiffany still using her hands to cover her eyes into the party hall that is covered in decorations and filled with guests. I honestly can't wait to see the look on her face.

"Ready?" I asked her.

Jessica sucked her teeth. "Uh yeah!"

"Alright. Y'all ready?" Shanice asked us.

"Yes!" Tiffany said smiling.

"Of course!" says Jinel smiling hard.

"You better believe it!" I added.

Shanice nods her head. "Alright!"

We count down together. "Five, four, three, two, one...surprise!"

Shanice removes her hands from Jessica's eyes and we stand back as we wait for Jessica's reaction. "Oh my God! You guys threw me a baby shower?"

"Well," said Jinel looking to Shanice.

"Actually, it was Ebony and Tiffany's idea and we all thought it would be great!" she said setting the record straight.

Jessica turned to Tiffany and me tearfully smiling. She gave us the biggest hug. "I swear you two are the realest!"

"Well we try you know," says Tiffany popping her collar.

"You deserve it boo!" I added.

"Thank you! Thank you! And thank you too Shanice and Jinel! You guys are the best!"

"Aw it's the least we can do since we're going to be aunties!" said Shanice.

Jinel nodded with a smile. "Most definitely!"

Alia ran over to us to place a special hat we made for Jessica on her head but not without giving her a hug first. "We made this hat especially for you girl!"

"Aw, thanks Alia! It's my favorite color."

Jessica was a sucker for purple. I remember when I had a purple lead pencil back in high school one time. Would you believe this girl was willing to give me a dollar in quarters just so she could have my purple pencil?

I ended up giving her the pencil anyway but I didn't want her money. Besides, she gave me a red one in return for giving her the purple pencil and y'all know I'm a sucker for red like Jessica is a sucker for purple!

"You're welcome girl," says Alia situating the hat on Jessie's head.

Once Alia fixed the hat, she hugged Shanice and Tiffany. Jinel looked at her with a blank look; not a mean blank look but a, "Haven't got to know you," kind of look.

However, Shanice, Tiffany, Jessica, and I know better. Jinel can be jealous-hearted at times; okay almost all the time. She originally showed an unnecessary dislike towards Alia because she felt like I spent all my time with Alia and turned my nose up at the crew because they weren't in school. So you have to understand why we're nervous to have Jinel around Alia.

I mean I saw another side to Jinel a few weeks ago when she confessed to why she's the way she is but I don't know if she's fully changed her ridiculous mind-frame as of yet. God, please don't let her show off here!

" _God I hope she don't show off!"_ Tiffany whispered to us.

Shanice cut her eyes. "Damn I hope not either."

"I'll beat her ass if she tries to start some stuff with Alia!" said Jessica with her hands on her belly.

We paused, made a face, and turned towards Jessica. "Girl, you're pregnant! You can't be fighting!" said Tiffany.

"Like hell I can't _chica_!"

"You heard Tiff, right? You're p-r-e-g-n-a-n-t! That means if you beat on Jinel, you're technically jumping her 'cause you're pregnant; there's two of you!" I said.

We all fell out laughing at my crazy comment. "You're the dumbest!" Shanice said clapping and laughing.

"What? It's true!" I said shaking my head in laughter.

Jinel walked toward Alia who stood there wondering what Jinel was going to do. Alia is already hip to how Jinel feels and of course, we think it's stupid but in Jinel's mind, I'm pretty sure she sees it as justified.

We stand there on pins and needles as we wait to see what's about to go down. Now I know y'all are like, _"Stop thinking the worse,"_ but again, we're talking about Jinel! Exactly, enough said.

"Hi, I'm Jinel," she says holding her hand out for Alia to shake it.

Alia's face goes from defensive to calm as she reaches out for Jinel's hand. "I'm Alia; it's nice to meet you!"

"Likewise. I just want to apologize for having animosity towards you and didn't even know you. That was ignorant of me on my part."

"Hey, it's cool. Don't trip! I understand."

"Nah, it isn't cool. You did nothing but be a great friend to Ebony...something I should've been from day one. Who the hell am I to judge and turn my nose up at you just for being her friend?"

"I appreciate that and I accept your apology wholeheartedly. By the way, she is truly lucky to have a friend like you who values her friendship."

Shanice whispered with her eyes big as hell. _"She values Ebony's friendship?"_

" _Shut-up!"_ Tiffany whispered giggling while gently nudging her in the stomach.

Shanice was more in denial about Jinel's kindness than I was. Can you blame her though?

"Thanks. I should've valued it more than I did. It shouldn't have taken the appearance of a new friend and Ebony being distant to realize how lucky I truly am. You should hang around with us more often though."

"Most definitely!" Alia said smiling.

Our mouths were on the ground! We really couldn't believe this was happening. Jinel really did change her life.

"Um Jinel are you feeling okay?" Shanice asked with her eyes still wide.

"Girl yes I'm fine!" said Jinel giggling.

Alia and Jinel continued to talk as we continued to stand there in shock. After a few minutes, our shock went to satisfaction, as we were thankful that Jinel changed her ways.

Jessica held her stomach and grew quiet. It was more like, _"In shock,"_ quiet.

"Jessie what's wrong?" I asked her worried as hell that something is wrong.

Once I asked that, everyone ran to Jessie's aid. She opened her eyes and said, "I think my water broke!"

Jessica's mom ran to her side and rubbed her back. "Jessica! ¿Estás bien cariño?"

"No mommy. Mi agua se rompió; ¡Se siente raro y tengo miedo!"

"Oh no! ¡Juan! ¡Juan! ¡El agua de Jessica se rompió!"

" _¿Qué?_ " asked Jessie's dad.

" _¡El agua de Jessica se rompió!_ " her mother repeated.

" _¡Beatriz, llama al doctor para que podamos llevarla al hospital!_ " says Ms. Stephanie as she gets up from the table quickly to stand next to Jessica.

Everyone's mood in the room changed from happiness into panic. I mean don't get me wrong; we're all excited that the baby is coming but we didn't expect it to happen _right_ now.

"Dammit! I knew we shouldn't have waited until her final trimester to throw her a baby shower!" says Shanice.

Tiffany shakes her head and cuts her eyes. "Uh, that's when you're supposed to throw one...in your final trimester."

"Genius!" added Jinel.

"Oh girl whatever!" Shanice says before turning her attention back to Jessie.

"Can y'all worry about Niecy's IQ level later. We need to be concerned about getting Jessie to the hospital," I said as I grabbed my purse along with Jessica's bag.

"I'll drive!" yells Alia as she ran to grab her keys out of her purse before throwing it over her arm.

We all helped Jessie to Alia's car; Shanice hopped up front while Tiffany, Jinel, and I stayed in the back with Jessica. Luckily, Holy Cross Hospital is only about eight minutes from our house.

Jessica's mother and sister agreed to drive right behind us as did our parents. Once we placed Jessie in a wheelchair and wheel her up to the second floor, her mom takes over and rolls her to the back.

"Be strong Jessie!" says Shanice.

"We'll be right here!" added Tiffany.

"We love you girl!" I said.

"Thanks you guys!" says Jessie as we watched her being rolled back through the hallway until she eventually disappears from our eyesight.

We sat in the waiting room waiting and waiting....and waiting. Finally, Jessie's dad ran out and told us that baby Maria was here. We let Jessie get some rest before finally seeing her.

You know we must love her if we left the hospital to get some lunch and came back to see her. Once we got back, the doctor and Mrs. Beatriz walked us to Jessie's room.

When we opened the door, we spotted Jessie holding Maria in her arms smiling so hard. I mean it was more than just a smile. It was a meaningful smile; a smile that we haven't really seen Jessie have since she became pregnant. We walked over to her side to admire the baby.

"Hey look Maria; it's your aunties! Say hi!" said Jessie as she looked up at us in between glances at Maria.

I look at my niece and smile. "Hi baby love!" I said rubbing her cheeks.

"She is so tiny oh my gosh!" said Alia in awe.

"I told you from day one she was going to be a girl," Shanice reminds us.

"Oh please!" says Jessica shaking her head laughing at her.

"She's going to be sitting on that box one day. She's starting a new generation of the, _"Bradford Road Posse,"_ y'all," said Tiffany nodding her head.

I started laughing. "Oh lord!"

"What?"

"You sound like my brother!"

"Well we are the, _"Bradford Road Posse,"_ and our legacy is just beginning."

"Girl, you act like we all having kids. Maria is the firstborn of the crew."

Jinel looked over at me grinning. "When you having kids Ebbie?"

"Uh, no time soon girl! How about you?"

"Not ready yet," she said laughing harder.

"Well, whenever y'all are ready, Maria will be looking out for her cousins," says Jessica smiling.

I smiled at Jessica real hard. Of course, she took extra notice to it. "What Ebbie?"

"You know, this is the happiest I've seen you since you found out you were pregnant. I'm so happy to see you so happy again."

"Ebbie I was ashamed of my situation but looking at Maria's little eyes made me realize that it's not about me anymore. She's my first priority and I have to be strong for her."

"I'm glad to hear that!" said Tiffany.

"I'm also stronger because I know I have you guys by my side," says Jessica.

I ran my fingers through her sweated out hair. "As long as you never forget that, you'll always be good."

"Was the labor pains painful?" asked Jinel curiously.

Shanice looked at Jinel as if she's crazy. "Really Nellie?"

"Yes really! I want to know if what people say is really true."

Jessica giggles at her curiosity. Secretly, I wanted to know too. "It did hurt especially the labor pains but as you can see it was well worth it."

"So do you suggest C-section or natural childbirth?"

"That's easy; you don't feel a C-section," says Alia.

"Oh my goodness Nellie," Shanice said rubbing her hands against her face.

"Well, they drug you when you get a C-section. I had natural childbirth so if you want to avoid pain I guess you'd get a C-section."

"I'll remember that for future reference," said Jinel.

Shanice closed her eyes as she shook her head. "Lord-"

"Y'all want to hold her?"

"Yeah!" we all said moving closer to Jessica.

Jessica first gently handed Maria to me. I cradled her in my arms and kissed her forehead. She was so beautiful and already had hair on her head. It's so easy to fall in love with a baby I mean how could you deny something so innocent and so small with pretty little eyes? Okay let me stop; I think I'm getting attached.

After about five minutes, I passed Maria to Tiffany. She admired Maria and kissed both of her cheeks before passing her to Jinel. Shanice rubbed Maria's hair as Jinel held her.

Soon Jinel handed Maria to Shanice and then Alia held Maria last. Today was a good day. I didn't expect Maria to be born during Jessie's baby shower we gave her but I guess God expected it.

I don't know when the rest of us will have kids but when we do, they'll join Maria at the box. I'm almost sure of it unless our dreams allow us to relocate to points unknown.

I guess that box is just like a family heirloom for us. It's going to be passed down from one generation to another. Let's just hope their meetings at the box won't get them into trouble but even if it does, it means that we left our mark. You know what they say; "The apple doesn't fall far from the tree," and what goes on at the box is destined to repeat itself.

# 50

### THE AWARD

Today was the day I would be getting an award; an award, which I felt, was truly meant for someone else. I always read about people earning the Lyndon R. Johnson Literary Award but not once did I expect to be the recipient or even the winner.

I keep telling myself I earned it but my heart agrees that I'm accepting Tasha's award. I know she's mad that I'm being hesitant to my personal writing success. She always hated when I did that.

"Are you ready girl?" asked Alia as she hugged me tight.

"Yeah I guess I am," I replied nervously.

"You guess? Girl what's wrong?"

"I don't know. I always feel nervous when I'm about to speak in front of the crowd beforehand then I end up being okay in the end."

"Oh that's normal. You're going to be just fine!"

Alia started smiling at something from a distance; I turn to see what she's smiling at. Before I could really see what it was, I heard someone call my name; it was Tiffany and Jessica.

"Ebony!" says Tiffany as her smile grew bigger.

"Hey _chica_!" added Jessica as she stood beside her with Maria in the stroller.

"Oh my God! Hey! What are y'all doin' here?" I said running to hug each of them.

Tiffany looked me up and down. "Now I know you didn't think we would miss your big day did you?"

"I was determined I wouldn't miss this day for the world!" Jessie adds.

"I hoped not."

Right as I said that, I saw Shanice emerge from the crowd. "I know you didn't think I would either!"

"Niecy!"

As I hugged Shanice, my face went to shock and a wave of happiness took over me as I saw Jinel also appear through the crowd and stood right beside Tiffany.

"Nellie! You made it!"

She rolled her eyes at me as she placed her hands on her hips. "You a real fool if you thought I miss it too!"

I gave her the biggest hug as Tiffany tearfully smiled. After a moment, Tiffany, Shanice, and Jessica got in on the hug. We watched Alia smiling at us and made her get in on the group hug too.

"Girl get in on this hug! You're one of us now!" said Jinel.

"Okay!" said Alia as she ran and joined in on the hug.

This is the best feeling ever. All of my very best friends here together on my special day.

As we stand back after our group hug, Jinel tells me how proud she is of my accomplishments. "Ebony, I am so proud of you!"

"Really?"

"Of course!"

"We all are!" added Jessica as she placed Maria's binky in her mouth.

"Damn right!" says Tiffany.

I just couldn't stop smiling because I was so thankful to share this joyous moment with my friends. We kept talking for about fifteen more minutes before the award ceremony was getting ready to begin.

Once it did, the entire place grew quiet; the crowd was huge! I have to give a speech as well. My nerves are really jumping out of control.

Dr. Alvin Colbert is the chairman of the Lyndon R. Johnson Literary Foundation. Each year, they select a person whom they believe deserves the literary award for their published work. Dr. Colbert took the stage to present the award to none other than yours truly. I am still in shock!

"Today, we want to award Ebony Lamaya Thompson with the Lyndon R. Johnson literary award for her story, "Writer's Block." This story is a compelling and an honest portrayal of adolescent life through the eyes of Miss. Thompson. She gives us a deep perspective of what she experienced as a young teenager to a young adult. She possessed an enormous amount of courage to share her journey with the rest of us who would've never imagined the road she embarked upon. Each word not only captivated us but it also showed the strength of her writing talents so without further ado, Ebony Lamaya Thompson!"

The crowd begins cheering and a roaring applause echoes through the auditorium. I walk up to the stage smiling from ear to ear ready to accept this amazing award and deliver a freestyle speech. Now when I say freestyle speech, I mean just speaking from my heart without planning it.

"Thank you so much! Um....this is truly an honor! First off, I'd like to say you don't have to be from the hood or the worse neighborhood to tell an empowering story. I was born and raised in the suburbs; I wouldn't change that for anything in the world. I love the city of Silver Spring and I want the world to love my city too. The road that I took to get to this point possessed so many bumps, curves, and roadblocks but by the grace of God, I made it here. I want my story to empower other young women. I want my story to pass off the message that sometimes we're our own worst enemies. The reason we don't get far in life is because of ourselves. I also have to thank not only my family but the friendships I shared. Without my friends and family, I am nothing. My friends especially have stood behind me since they figured out I possessed a talent for writing. They pushed me to live above the neighborhood distractions and did whatever they had to in order to make sure I stayed true to my passion. This award isn't just mine; it's my mother's, my father's, my siblings, and most definitely my best friends. If I could get more awards like this, I'd share each one with them. My support system deserves my award just as much as I do. I'm grateful to have experienced sisterhood in a way that most never get the chance to experience themselves. My story is a symbol of empowerment through sisterhood. I've seen friends who embark on different paths eventually separate and turn into total strangers. I'm just thankful that even when we fell off the path, we didn't lose our memories as well. Those memories saved us; those memories made us remember that our bond was too strong to just allow the faucets of life to destroy what has always been real. It's also a story that highlights the realness found in any neighborhood. People expect an empowering story of triumph to take place in the worse neighborhood amongst the worse conditions possible; not mine. You can tell a powerful story in any neighborhood, any block, or on any street. Every and I mean every neighborhood has its issues; some worse than others. The issues that happen on my block does not have any less significance as any other neighborhood; hood or suburban. What I'm trying to say is, tell your story regardless of where you're from. A powerful story only gains its momentum through the strength of your words, your ideas, even your experiences. Experience establishes truth and every word on each page that you read was true. My pen was only powerful because my story was my own. So, never be afraid to tell a story even if you think no one will enjoy it. Self-accomplishment is the most important factor and recognition always comes second. I don't need this award to prove my story is good; I knew it was good when I wrote it piece by piece each day. Now I know that sounds cocky but it's not cockiness; self-assurance is the only way you'll succeed. Tasha, we did it girl! Thank you guys so much!"

The auditorium erupted in applause; I could hear my family and friends cheering extra loud. I felt so good especially after giving that speech. Once Dr. Colbert as well as the other members on stage from Literary Corporation Committee each gave me a hug, I walked off the stage to greet my family and friends.

"I am so proud of you baby!" said my mom hugging me so tight that I felt like she was suffocating me.

"You know what mommy, I'm proud of myself too."

"You better be!" Tiffany added.

"Exactly! You deserve it!"

"Thank you mommy!" I said as she released her grip.

I had to give my mother another hug. After all the trouble and all the headaches I gave this woman, I knew I owed it all to her. I know she's proud that I left behind my defiant ways a long time ago.

"Tasha would be so proud of you Ebony! I wish she were here. She'd be right by your side," says Ms. Davis.

"Mama Davis, I know she is proud of me. As long as she's in my heart and she is, she never left my side."

"Oh sweetheart!"

I stood there for a second looking at my award and nodded my head. I knew what I had to do. I gave the award to Ms. Davis. "This is for Tasha! Take this award mama," I said handing her the award.

"Sweetheart that's your award. I can't accept that. You worked hard for it," she said modestly.

"Mama Davis, I never would've worked hard had it not been for Tasha. To be honest, my writing still needs work. I refuse to not let you take it!"

She finally took the plaque and watched it as tears flew out of her eyes rapidly. For a moment, I felt like I could read her thoughts. She was overwhelmed in happiness and still reaping the pain of losing her child. That award bought her comfort; comfort she hasn't felt since the day Tasha died.

Tasha's passion for writing was stronger than mine. I mean mine was always strong but she was a natural. To this day, I have no doubt in my mind that Tasha would've had over ten of these plaques in her room by now. She's the reason I write stronger than I did as a teenager. Trust me, this story I wrote could've been better but I love it anyway. However, she's the reason I dedicate all my success to her.

Ms. Davis snapped back into reality as I continued tearfully smiling at her. "Thank you baby so much. This....This means the world to me. Tasha had great friends."

"Had? No, she still has great friends. Our loyalty to her is everlasting!"

Ms. Davis held me tight with tears forming in her eyes as she placed a kiss on my cheek. This is why I'm here; the love and faith from those who love me. You'd be surprised just how far you can go with the love of those who love you the most.

This feeling is better than any monetary or material award that I could ever be given. I do this for love. Nothing more, nothing less.

Tasha is my ghostwriter. I'm determined she is. When my pen froze, she would make it begin to move again. Once she died, I swear she wrote the rest of my story or at least helped in some way.

Everything I do is for her. Period. I can't stress that enough. Just think; today I won a prestigious award and in two more days, I will be a college graduate. I am blessed beyond measure. I am so grateful that my dreams are becoming a reality. Now to think about what dress I am going to wear for graduation.

# 51

### COLLEGE GRADUATE

Well, today is the day I graduate from Bowie State University. I have worked so hard to get to this point not to mention I managed to maintain a 4.0 grade point average every semester since I started. That's right; I managed to maintain an A in math. Don't worry, I'm more shocked than anybody about that!

Unlike my high school graduation, I'm a bit more anxious and excited. I mean I'm getting my degree and soon to be another college graduate in the world who's got to earn a spot in society but that's just it. I have to start from scratch.

If you choose to attend college after high school, then you have a slight start when you graduate from high school. You chose to live on campus and your primary duty is to go to class. Once college is over, the next question is, "How do I use my degree to its advantage?"

Provost Wilson finished his opening statement and let the president of Bowie State, Dr. William L. Nicholson, give his opening speech. About thirty minutes later, they were ready to call all the students who were receiving their master's degree.

"Can we have the students receiving their Master's degree rise and head to the podium as we distribute the degrees," says Provost Wilson.

Cheering throughout the auditorium could be heard as the names were beginning to be called. It felt like forever as I waited for Provost Wilson's assistants to call the names of every student getting their master's degree.

Once I saw the last two graduate school students receive their leather degree plaque, I grew excited because that meant the undergrads' were up next.

"We are now ready to present our graduates of 2014," says Provost Wilson as the cheering from the audience grew louder.

"Undergrads please rise and pass your hoods," says Provost Hudson.

The crowd cheered even louder as we placed the black and gold hoods around our neighbor's neck.

"We will start with the College of Arts and Sciences. Please move forward to the podium," says Provost Hudson.

Professor Johns and Professor Green, Provost Wilson's assistants, began alternating back n' forth as they each called a graduates' name.

"Sade Danielle Adams," says Professor Johns.

"Samuel M. Adei," says Professor Green.

It felt like they were going to go on forever rotating back n' forth. The College of Arts and Sciences were the biggest undergrad graduating class; the other colleges like business and especially education had less graduates.

Professional studies had much more than the other two but didn't top us in size. Still, there were a lot of names called. As the names were being called, I scanned the booklet they gave each graduate. All graduates have their name and major listed. Can you believe they also included the current cities we reside in?

I look at the names and the cities listed of the other graduates; about ninety-six percent of the graduates are from the DMV area. I said it before; Bowie is a commuter school.

"Kevin J. Haynes."

"Julissa Shante Jones."

And the names just keep coming but once they call Alia, I know they're getting close to my name. "Alia Mae Saunders," says Professor Johns.

"Yes, boo! You had better work! That's my girl!" I screamed and cheered.

I could hear my friends and others cheering Alia on loudly. Thank God, they eventually got to my name; swear that took forever.

"Ebony Lamaya Thompson," says Professor Green.

As I walked across the stage with a huge smile on my face, I could hear my family and friends cheering for me.

When I said I could hear my family screaming loud, I meant _loud_. "That's my baby! That's mine right there!" my mom said shouting.

"I'm proud of you sweetheart!" said my dad.

Ms. Stephanie was extra loud. "You go baby girl!" she screamed.

"Yes best friend! I'm so proud of you!" said Tiffany shouting extra loud.

Marcus clapped as he used his hands like a megaphone. "I knew you could do it!"

"The world isn't ready for you Ebbie!" said Shanice.

"We love you! Get that degree girl!" Jessica added.

I could hear Jinel, Tatiana, Shannon, Amir, Inez, and Rico screaming too. "Go Ebony! Go Ebony!"

It made me smile to know I have the underlying support from the people who mattered most in my life. I spotted my family; probably because Marcus had a big ass sign that said Ebony. I waved and smiled as I walked back to my seat.

Once they called the last graduate, everybody cheered and screamed out Bowie's chant. "Aye, aye, aye, aye, B-o-w-i-e! Aye, aye, aye, aye, B-O-W-I-E!"

"I present to you the 2014 graduates of Bowie State University!" said Provost Hudson.

We all screamed, clapped, and cheered for about five whole minutes. Dr. Nicholson and Provost Wilson gave their last comments and concluded our ceremony.

"We also want to acknowledge a few students who maintained a 4.0 grade point average every semester they attended here at Bowie. Tyshawn Morris, Alicia Pendleton, Jasmine Shaw, Alexander Ferguson, Samuel Cox, Alia Saunders, and Ebony Thompson. Congratulations!" said Provost Wilson.

"That's my baby! I knew you could do it!" my mother shouted and I mean I could hear her overtop of everybody else who was cheering.

I know I made her proud. There was a time where I was a straight C student so I know she's happy.

Once the speeches ended, we all stood up and walked single file out of the auditorium to that repetitive graduation music they play at almost every graduation I swear. This walk for me felt like a transformation walk. As I sat in that auditorium today, I still felt like an undergrad. At least until I hit that stage.

I walked in an undergrad and walked out a graduate. This walk is my formation into adulthood for real. When I walked into the gym to pick up my degree, I was happy to see there were only two people in the "T" line.

"Last name?" said the woman at the table.

"Thompson."

"Ebony Thompson?"

"Yes ma'am!"

"Here you go! Congratulations especially on the honorable mention for maintaining straight A's! You go girl!"

"Thank you so much!" I said smiling hard.

Alia's line moved quickly and she ran over to me. "Can you believe it Ebbie, we're graduates!"

"Honestly I can't believe it boo!" I said hugging her.

"It's time to hustle!"

"Damn right girl!"

"Let's go find our peeps," she said grabbing me towards the gym door exit.

"Alright cool."

Alia and I headed outside to find our parents. I'll tell you one thing, I didn't have to look far 'cause I swear the second we ran outside we heard my parents, Alia's parents, and our friends screaming our names loudly. I was so happy to see all of them even Jessica.

"Ebony! Alia!" they said piercingly above the crowd.

"Hey y'all!" I said dancing my way towards them.

Alia fixed the tassel on her cap. "Hey!"

"I got my degree ma'!" I said waving the large envelope around.

"Already? I thought they send it to you?" my mom asked confusingly.

"No, you have to be cleared before they let you walk so they already have the degrees ready for distribution when you graduate," says Alia.

"Oh that's good!" my mom said excitingly.

"I got my degree!" I said dancing.

My mom started deviously smiling at me. "Shoot, that's my degree not yours!"

I looked at my mother as if she was crazy. "You didn't go to school for four years like I did. This is mine; all mine!"

"Child please...But no matter what, I'm proud of you baby!"

"Thanks mommy!"

"You're welcome!"

My mom hugged me tight. It's the best feeling in the world and I can't describe it any plainer than that.

Tiffany stops and leans back with a smile as she prepares to hug me. "Oh snap! Hollywood isn't ready for you Miss Thang!" she says.

"Damn right they're not!"

"You look so pretty oh my God!" added Jessica.

"I'm so happy you made it Jessie! Where's Maria?"

" _Chica_ , I wouldn't miss this day for the world and my mom said she'd watch her 'cause she wanted me to be able to see you on your big day."

"Aw I love her!"

"Trust me she loves you too especially if she's babysitting!" Jessica adds snickering.

"Ebony girl you should write for the magazine now that you got your degree!" Shanice throws her arm around my neck. "Picture it: Ebony....The CEO of Ebony Magazine! That has a nice ring to it."

"Girl, you so crazy!" I said leaning on her laughing.

"It's true, shoot!"

"You know, that's why I named her that," my mom said with a huge smirk on her face.

I cut my eyes with a smile. "Quit lying ma'!"

"What? I'm serious!"

"Yeah right!" I said laughing at her.

My dad kissed my cheek. "Where do you want to have lunch at to celebrate?" he asked.

I started smiling because I knew what I wanted. "How about Olive Garden?"

"I love Olive Garden!" said Tatiana excitingly.

"Alright, Olive Garden it is!" said my mother.

"The one in Laurel or in Hyattsville?" I asked.

"Laurel," says my mother.

Ms. Stephanie nods as she heads for her car. "We'll meet you there."

"Alright," I said turning to look at my friends. "Hey Alia, you want to roll with us?"

She starts smiling bashfully. "Sure if you want me to."

Jinel removed her lollipop from her mouth. "Duh we want you too!"

"Don't act shy around us! We told you already that you're one of us," says Jessica.

Alia began to smile. "Okay cool! Let me just tell my mom and them to meet us there."

"Alright! We'll wait right here for you!" I said.

"I'm sitting in the front!" said Jessica.

"How are we going to all cram into this car? The feds out here girl?" said Shanice.

Jinel looked at Shanice and began laughing hard. "Oh we know you can spot a cop can't you?"

"Shut up!" she says sucking her teeth. "Besides, you try getting locked up. You'll pick out a cop damn near sixty miles away I'm trying to tell you! That whole experience scared me straight best believe!"

"Well, I'll take your word for it!"

Alia ran back to the car and hopped in the backseat. "Okay. I'm ready.

"Let's get some breadsticks!" yells Tiffany as I pull off from the parking lot.

# 52

### ONE LAST MEET

After the award ceremony and lunch, I went home and changed my clothes. Once I changed into something more comfortable, I headed for the front porch. You could hear the ice cream truck music approaching and the kids running to get ice cream.

The ice cream man is too expensive these days. I remember when I could get a Cotton Candy Swirl and a Bubble Gum Swirl Popsicle for fifty cents each. Today, just one Popsicle will run you about two or three dollars. It's a shame but I guess that just goes to show you how times have really changed.

As I stepped off my front porch, I suddenly stopped to let kids who were flying pass me go on before they run into me. I smiled as they ran pass me. I love to see everyone out and about in the neighborhood; guess you can call me a sucker for people-watching.

I then walked towards the box. I see Ant drive by and he honked the horn at me. "Sup' Ant!" I said waving to him.

"Hey Ebz'! Later?" he asks.

I know what, "Later," means; he wants to know if we can get it on later. The answer is no!

I shook my head. "Nah!"

"A'ight, I'll holla' at you!" he says still biting his lips.

It doesn't work with me anymore. He can keep trying all he wants. "Okay."

I use to think a guy with a car was attractive. Now I wonder what I was more attracted to; the guy or the fact that they had their own? Either way, I learned that being attracted to a guy with his own car was a complete downgrade if the guy lacked ambition and self-motivation.

Ant isn't ambitious enough for me; materials things can't compete with ambition. Glad I learned how to turn him down. I'm better than what I allowed myself to deal with.

For a moment, I stand there reminiscing over the memories, the laughs, the talks that my friends and I always had at this box. I then hop up on the box just like old times and admire the neighborhood kids playing, running, and laughing. This is my neighborhood and it will always have a special place in my heart.

My block was not violent nor was it racially biased. Mama was right; no neighborhood should be limited to one racial group. Silver Spring is Black, it's White, it's Hispanic, it's even Asian; hell it's a mix of every nationality. It was rich in diversity, mild to drama.

My block was just like any other neighborhood in the world. Yeah it has its share of problems but name one neighborhood you know that doesn't. One thing I learned is that sometimes you allow yourself to stay in one place because you feel comfortable and you're afraid to leave what you know to go someplace foreign.

I allowed myself to get comfortable but I'm not afraid anymore; I'm ready to allow my dreams to take me to places I never would have thought I'd travel to. I know this box is a heirloom to my friends and I but I can't just allow myself to remain here if my dreams point me elsewhere. Besides, I can always come back to visit.

I look down at the shrine we made for Tasha with her beautiful smiling picture protected in a glass frame next to another large picture of the six of us together sitting on this box that my brother took a while back. I smile at it; I can feel Tasha's spirit. I swear she's right here sitting next to me writing in her notebook. She probably got a notebook in Heaven and still writes just as much as she did here on earth. Damn...I wonder what she's writing.

Before I know it, Jinel walks up from behind me and rubs my back as she gives me a hug before sitting next to me. We smile at each other silently; our minds are on the exact same page. Jessica comes towards us pushing Maria in her stroller. She stops as she reaches the box and knuckle touches us both.

Tiffany walks up with her headphones in her ears jamming to the music from her iPod. She daps us all up and plays with Maria who laughs at her while still sitting in the stroller. Shanice is the last one to walk up to us and of course, she has to stop to double dutch with Shannon, Inez, and their friends.

Can you believe Shannon is set to graduate from high school in a couple of weeks and Tati is soon to be a ninth grader. I know for damn sure I can't!

Amir is now a sophomore in college and I am so proud of him. Just think; he used to be the one person in the house who always wanted to fake as if he was sick for the first day of school so for him to be attending Morehouse is a huge accomplishment.

Oh yeah, guess who will be joining him at Spelman? That's right; Shannon will be going to Spelman come this August. Baby girl is smart. Besides, I told you she can't stay away from Amir! I'm just grateful that Shannon stayed focused and didn't allow herself to be led astray like me.

I just pray Tatiana remains humble and ignores the daily pressures that I struggled to overlook. However, Tati is still a sweetheart so I have no doubt in my mind that she'll be alright. Marcus just got a real good job out Bethesda helping to run a Public Relations company. I'm proud of him. Maybe he is a tough guy although he still can't boss me around and trust me, he still tries!

My mom and dad are stronger than ever and my dad finally sold that house on Greenwood Avenue. My dad changed his ways and began to focus on what's important; he and I both kept our promise to do better. Now it didn't happen overnight but I'm proud to say it did happen. Everybody seems to be elevating. We are truly blessed.

I watch as Niecy's feet are in harmony with the jump ropes; one rope is in the air as she lifts her right foot up almost to her stomach at the same time. After about two minutes, Niecy finally jumps from out of the middle of the turning jump ropes without causing them to crash together and tangle up. She's still a pro! She gives the girls a high five before she comes to join us at the box. Even years later, we're all still drawn to this ol' green square that we have no business sitting on.

"Still got it!" says Shanice giggling as she comes up to us.

"You'll always be the double dutch queen!" I say to her slapping her a high five.

"You hear me? The number one champ," she says throwing one finger in the air.

"Girl! We got to have a competition one day," says Jinel.

Shanice moved her shoulders up and down in excitement. "Of course! You know I'm for it!"

Tiffany turns away from Maria to look at us. "Me too!"

"Me three!" says Jessica.

"You know I'm always down!" I said smirking.

Everyone smiles at me hard because they know I live by that, "Always down," mantra. My friends and I represent every path possible in life; some good and some not so good.

_Jessica_. An unwed single mother living check to check. Thankfully, she found the courage to be strong the moment Maria opened her tiny eyes. She knows better than to let some guy break her spirit.

_Shanice_. The mathematically smart girl who opted to trade in her double dutch skills and book smarts for bad boys. I'm happy she rather double dutch than wear prison orange. Seriously, it's not her color.

_Tiffany_ who initially reverted to club dancing to make more money that couldn't be made sweeping at her mother's salon so she could afford Beauty School. I'm just glad she's in Beauty School and put away the stilettos.

_Jinel_. The one who we thought would fall deep into the abyss of danger actually reenrolled into Montgomery College next semester. I definitely couldn't be more proud of her.

_Tasha_. Our best friend, the one who played the role of my guardian angel here on Earth, the one who wanted my dream harder than I did, and the one who encouraged me to accept that I wanted the same dream just as bad and just as hard. Ultimately, Tasha's dream is left up to those with a powerful imagination of what she could've become. Tasha became a star in the sky rather than a star in Hollywood. Either way, she's still a star.

These are my friends and I'm proud of them no matter what someone else thinks. We may walk upon different paths but our bond remains just as strong as it was the day we became best friends. My friends represent every aspect of how, "Shit happens," in life. One thing they all have in common; they were willing to risk everything to make sure I didn't stray from my dreams. They would've rather seen me succeed than themselves. That's a loyal sacrifice; a sacrifice that I know I could never fully pay them back for.

I know Tasha continues to be my guardian angel even in death. Jessica, Jinel, Tiffany, Shanice, even Alia are my living guardian angels. I promised Tasha that no matter what I'd keep fighting off my temptation of getting caught up in the fast life and fight even harder to become the writer I always wanted to become.

If I would've given up, it would've dishonored her memory and I love her too much to do that. Jessica made me promise I'd be the person she never was and do all the things she wasn't cut out to try. Shanice made me promise to make a dream so big and stand behind it no matter how many odds are against me.

And Tasha....she made me promise to always write no matter where I go, no matter what I do. I can still hear her voice from when we were at the party out Annapolis...

"Ebony, writing is going to save you! This life you're trying to prove you're down for is only going to eat you up and spit your ambitions out into pieces. Don't be another lost soul on our block who use to have a dream. I'll always believe in you even when you're too crazy to believe in your damn self but remember; to accomplish a dream, one must have self-faith. Follow your dreams; don't let your dreams follow you."

Tasha ♥

June 28, 2009

As I sit on the box, my mind wanders and I smile as I remember all the good times from when I was young. The images of my friends and me flash through my eyes as if it were my time to depart from Earth but I know God isn't ready for me yet. I still have so much to accomplish.

I don't know if Tasha was ever be able to read that letter that lies in her hand inside her casket but I know she's still around even if not in a physical state. If she did read it, she'd feel like she never left us.

I will continue to write no matter where God takes me and I'll never forget five loving friends who strived for me to do better. I promise you guys, nothing and I mean nothing will block my passion for writing.

My story is the result of their sacrifices. My story is a story because of them. Oh and by the way Tasha, you were right....Writing did save me.

ABOUT AIRIS

Born in Rockville and raised in Burtonsville, Airis Thomas is a proud Montgomery County, Maryland Native. Upon relocating to Laurel, Maryland as a teenager, her passion for writing began when she was in the eighth grade writing stories during class. In 2011, she graduated from Reservoir High School in Fulton, Maryland and continued her education at Howard Community College. After receiving an Associate's Degree in General Studies in 2014, she attended Bowie State University majoring in Broadcast Journalism and graduated class of 2017 with a 4.0 GPA. Although she took a hiatus from writing, she began redeveloping her passion as she attended college. "Writer's Block" is her first published work and looks forward to publishing many more.

ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS

I'm proud to say I make mistakes so bear with me because my writing is only beginning.

First and foremost, I want to thank God for giving me the talent I have for writing. I must thank my mother for always pushing me to follow my dreams even if it is a tough road ahead. Thank you for loving me and being my biggest cheerleader. I also want to thank my little sister Alexis for always telling me the truth; life is more fulfilling with you in it. I want to thank my grandmother aka "G-MA" for exposing me to a variety of book authors at a young age and being brutally honest.

I dedicate this to the memory of my father, James Louis Thomas; I know you're watching me and I know I've made you proud.

I want to thank my family and friends for all your support; I am nothing without the love of those closest to me. Thank you for reading my stories and encouraging me to keep writing. To my cousin Tamber; I will always love you. I also want to thank the lady that is almost like my second mom, Dr. Carol M. Orlando D.D.S.; I know I'm a disaster but I'm _your_ disaster.

I dedicate this story to any girl who finds themselves conflicted between following their peers and following their dreams.

