- Are you a fan of reading?
(man roaring)
Me neither.
Luckily, now books come in
convenient talking picture form.
And today, we'll pit two of the greatest
novel to movie franchises
ever against each other.
It's a battle for the
winningest wizarding world
in the world.
As Harry Potter and his Hogwarts gang
take on the Middle-earth alumni
from "Lord of The Rings".
- Scared Potter?
- You wish.
- We're lining up the entire franchises
on the battlefield here and
that includes the prequels,
who I usually make sit at
the kids table, not today.
Here's how we'll determine a winner.
Round one, Box Office.
Round two, Tomatometer/audience score.
Round three, Characters,
and then I'll do a wildcard
round before I unleash
the verdict rendering to
all you muggles out there.
Spells will be cast,
names will be mispronounced,
and dwarfs will probably
run out of breath.
- What about breakfast?
- You've already had it.
- We've had one, yes.
What about second breakfast?
(soft music)
(bell ringing)
- Round one, Box Office.
I know seven magic rings aren't cheap
and I'm sure tuition at
Hogwarts might involve
some serious student loan debt.
But I'm pretty sure the
worldwide Box Office tally
of either of these franchises
could cover the bill.
You ready to hear about a ton of bread?
How about $12.2 billion.
That's the total worldwide haul
brought in by the 10 films in
the "Harry Potter" franchise.
Eight movies plus the two
"Fantastic Beasts" movies.
Because "The Lord of The
Rings" films tapped out at six,
we're not expecting them
to compete with 12 bill.
But they still raked in $7.88
billion across the globe,
making for a better per
film average than Harry.
If we just take the classic
"Lord of The Rings" trilogy,
versus the proper "Harry Potter" catalog,
as in, dude actually
shows up in the movies,
team "Hobbit" edges out team Gryffindor,
with the worldwide per film average
of $1.56 billion to $1.33 billion.
I'd take either amount of money.
(gentle chiming bells)
Those average numbers
intensify when we look
at the prequels each franchise spawned.
"Fantastic Beasts", those
movies boast a world-wide
per film average of $550 million,
while the three "Hobbit"
flicks can brag about
averaging one billion dollars per movie.
Yes, you heard it here first.
All six "Lord of The
Rings" films have grossed
at least one billion
dollars over the world
adjusted for inflation.
So just imagine how much
money those flicks made
in Middle-earth.
Is that like a documentary for them?
Are Peter Jackson's movies
like, the last dance
of Middle-earth?
- No.
- It's amazing how
popular and bank friendly
"The Lord of The Rings"
films have been since
"The Fellowship of The
Rings" kicked us off
way back in 2001.
But also launching a
film franchise in 2001
was "Harry Potter and
the Sorcerer's Stone."
And since then, J.K
Rowling wizarding world
has made nine more movies,
all of which can at least be considered
smash hit block busters.
- And bloody hell.
- And despite the fact that I fall asleep
within 10 minutes of each one
of those "Fantastic Beasts" movies,
that prequel franchise is still looking
to make more movies.
And yes, I know Amazon paid
a reported $250 million
to get into J. R. R. Tolkien's world,
with new streaming adventures.
But if we're just going on Box Office,
I'm leaning towards "Harry Potter."
(crowd cheering)
What's that?
Who sold more books?
Okay, let's make that the
deciding factor in the Box Office.
- Reading?
- Mm-hmm.
- I didn't know you could read.
- "Harry Potter" has
sold 500 million books,
and despite a decades long headstart,
"The Lord of The Rings/ Hobbit" novels
have sold a mere, 250 million books.
It's not often a world
wide total of almost
eight billion dollars loses
you around in the Box Office,
but "Lord of The Rings" ran
into a boy wizard buzzsaw.
"Harry Potter" takes round one.
- Well done.
(bell ringing)
- Round two,
Tomatometer/Audience Score.
It's clear fans love both of
these celebrated franchise.
And that claim is further ratified
by the Rotten Tomatoes audience score.
"The Lord of The Rings"
entire franchise has a fresh
average of 86%, and that's
all the more impressive
considering the original
trilogy, averages 92%.
Meanwhile, "Harry Potter"
is no sloughed averaging
79% for the entire
wizarding world and 82%,
for his eight movie set.
- Brilliant.
- Prequel fight.
The "Hobbit" movies average 71%
to "Fantastic Beasts" 67%.
And again, maybe I would've
liked those movies more,
if I wasn't asleep.
Seriously, does Newt Scamander
cast a spell called melatonin?
Yes, I'm primarily upset
with "The Crimes of
Grindelwald" which happens
to be the lowest rated film,
of either franchise at rotten 54%.
"The Battle of the Five
Armies" has the dubious honor
of being the lowest rated Tolkien movie,
all be it's still fresh at 74%.
So it would appear "Lord of
The Rings" has the advantage,
but lets take a look at
what critics had to say.
(crowd cheering)
- I don't know half of you,
half as well as I should like,
and I like less than half of you
half as well as you deserve.
- Yep, they liked the movies too.
And while "Harry Potter and
the Deathly Hallows Two"
can buy the next round as the overall
highest rated film in
either franchise at 96%.
The next three films on
that list are the classic
"Lord of The Rings" trilogy films.
"Two Towers" is at 95%.
"Return of The King" is at 93%.
And "Fellowship" clocks in at 91%.
Overall team Tolkien's
Tomatometer averages 79.3%
compared to 78.4% for team Rowling.
Just like the Box Office round,
it's tough to call either one
of these franchises a loser
in terms of a Tomatometer.
But a round can only have one winner,
and this is the time
when Gandalf tells Harry,
take it Jason Segel.
- You shall not
pass!
(bell ringing)
- "Lord of The Rings"
wins the round and we're tied at one.
- You bow to no one.
(bell ringing)
- Round three, Heroes and Villains.
Sure, I could've made this
category something vague,
like characters, I usually do.
But we all know what these
two mythologies hinge on,
great heroes and apposing villain.
Now, both stories put front
and center protagonists,
who may be reluctant to
reach their full potential.
- I can't do this Sam.
- I am the chosen one.
- "Harry Potter" is a
boy wizard and besides
saving the world, he has to grow up,
and find his place in Sad World.
Meanwhile, Frodo and
Bilbo Baggins both might
rather spend their days in the Shire,
occasionally having to many
hard ciders at the pub,
but fait had other plans.
Not to mention, other characters.
"Lord of The Rings" gives us more Hobbits
such as Sam, Merry and Pippin.
Plus a powerful wizard in Gandalf,
a wise elf in Galadriel and of course,
a follically blessed king in Aragorn.
Let me also give a nod to
Legolas, Théoden, Elrond,
there's a bunch, and if
you're from Middle-earth
and I didn't mention you,
I have time constraints.
But it also goes to show a point.
These adventures unexpected
though they may have been,
are all about the team.
The films utilize their lengthy run times
to highlight some
individual accomplishments,
but it's all in the name of unity.
Look at all the different
species putting aside
their differences, coming
together and battling
to defeat the armies of Sauron.
Remember that dudes eye?
- I see you.
- So creepy.
We also had to deal with Witch
King, Wormtongue and Denethor
who you never want to be
stuck behind at Golden Corral.
And then you have Saruman,
who is pulling double duty
battling both Gandalf and
Yoda at the same time.
But if you like yourself some villains,
prepare ye for the foes "Harry Potter"
and the sweathogs had to face,
Voldemort, was so menacingly evil
you couldn't even say his name.
- Voldemort.
- Don't use that name.
- We also had evil authority figures like,
Bellatrix Lestrange and Lucius Malfoy.
Or how about his kid, Draco,
bad apple from a bad seed.
- My father will hear about this.
- In addition to our big three heroes
of Harry, Hermione and Ron,
we also got memorable boosts,
from Professor Snape and McGonagall,
and also Hagrid.
I'll give Newt Scamander
and his prequel friends
a shout out here because,
look they're trying
but I'm hard pressed
to come up with a real
quality contributor to keeping me awake,
during those "Fantastic Beasts"
but oh, Dumbledore.
Yeah, old, young, I'll
take D Dore all I can get.
And fans have long debated
who would win in a wizard off
between Albus and Gandalf.
Hardcore Potter heads wanna
will their guy to victory,
but it's hard to imagine
Gandalf not being able
to wack him down.
- You
shall not pass!
- There's so much danger in
every turn in Middle-earth,
our heroes quest sees them
dealing with orcs, spiders,
wraiths, goblins, trolls,
mountains, walking vast distances,
"Where were you eagles?"
Balrogs, and creepy creatures
with split personalities.
- You don't have any
friends, nobody likes you.
- Not listening, I'm not listening.
- The X factor here goes to Gollum,
or as his high-school
friends call him, Smeagol.
He's one of the most memorable characters
in either franchises,
and Andy Serkis' performance
capture revolution,
put an indelible mark
on "Lord of The Rings",
about the great duality
of the human psyche.
Is he a human?
Who cares.
- If Baggins loses, then we eats it whole?
- Fair enough.
- However, I think the
swank factor in this round
goes to Harry, Ron and Hermione,
somehow managing to stay friends
and maybe more than that,
while battling giant snakes,
death eaters, Voldemort, jerky
witches, whomping willows,
werewolves, spiders and trolls.
- They have a cave troll.
- Okay so, Middle-earth
had death eaters too,
but the "Harry Potter" big
three, they had to deal
with them while also
going through puberty.
Don't you hate when you
conquer a whomping willow
only to have a huge zit on your nose
the night before prom?
In one of the toughest rounds of all time
in the history of versus,
I'm gonna award "Harry
Potter" and his gang the win,
in round number three.
- Gryffindor wins!
(crowd cheering)
- Wild card round, Most Iconic.
We're looking for he
most iconic of the bunch
and to do that, let's
start with some of each
franchises most memorable moments.
With "Harry Potter", just remember seeing
these gorgeous sets for the
first time on the big screen.
Hogwarts, "The Chamber of Secrets",
Platform Nine and Three-Quarters,
they all showcase the
imagination of J.K Rowling,
while immersing us further into this lore.
- Welcome Harry, to Diagon Alley.
(bright music)
- It's an accomplishment just getting us
into the theaters so many
times for one franchise.
And it's all the more
impressive that the final
climactic clash between good and evil,
lived up to the hype.
Even though I maintained Voldemort did not
have his A game that day,
you gotta give props to
Harry, Hermione and Ron
for coming together, one last
time, when it mattered most.
- Let's finish this the
way it started, together!
- With "Lord of The Rings",
I love thinking about
the contrast from one set to the next.
The Shire looks like such
a relaxing hippie village,
and I think that Woodstock
could've been annual
summer tradition there.
Juxtapose that with the
volcanic intensity of Mordor,
and then remind yourself
that our brave little soul,
trying to take the ring there,
is from that late 60s Beatles
commune place, The Shire, crazy.
- One does not simply walk into Mordor.
- There's also epic
battle scenes that rank up
there as some of the best action
sequences ever put to film.
"The Battle of the Five
Armies" is impressive
in sheer scope.
But I'm talking about the
intimate hand-to-hand combat.
Or in Legolas' case,
hand-to-arrow, to face combat.
I love that shot of him in the rain,
sliding on the stairs,
knocking down baddies like
he's Ray Allen draining corner threes.
Damn it, I went sports again.
I'm so sorry y'all.
- You're hopeless.
- And then perhaps the
most surprising legacy
left by "Harry Potter",
Quidditch is an actual
sport played all over
the world, seriously.
It's replaced Frisbee golf as
the go-to college kids sport
of our time.
"Lord of The Rings" can't
match "Harry Potter"
in terms of intramural
athletic accomplishments,
so it'll have to be content
with it's incredible run at the Oscars.
"Return of The King"
won every award category
in which it was nominated,
making it a perfect 11 for 11,
including best picture and best director.
Only two other films
ever, have won 11 Oscars.
Can you name them?
I'll wait.
It's "Titanic" and "Ben-Hur."
- Don't you let go.
- So lots of folks think Andy Serkis
should've been recognized
for his work as Gollum,
but he'll have to be
happy, with that character
helping the movies take
a drastic leap forward
in terms of visual effects.
Plus, everyone has tried a
Gollum impression at a party.
Usually doesn't go well,
no, I'm not going to try.
- My
precious!
(Gollum roaring)
- Both franchises had their
inaugural films released in 2001
as Stanley Kubrick foretold.
And while both have promising
futures with prequels,
Broadway shows, and streaming
seasons in the works,
it is the opinion of this court,
that "The Lord of The Rings"
(bell ringing)
is a hair more iconic, a thin, wispy hair,
like one of the ones
on Gollum's comb over.
- Yes!
- It is a precious win indeed,
because now we're tied
at two rounds a piece.
- A day may come
when the courage of men fails,
when we forsake our friends
and break all bonds of fellowship,
but it is not this day,
this day we fight!
- So once again, it's up to
me to step up to the plate
and render a verdict that will
be scrutinized for all time.
- What?
- And perhaps the bloodiest battle yet,
I'm giving this win
to "Lord of The Rings".
(bell ringing)
- It's done.
- Maybe its because the
source material came out first
or I saw all these movies
multiple times in theaters,
but it's no shame to "Harry Potter."
Harry doesn't care about
me, he's in New York,
and he's got that cursed
child to worry about.
That show is always sold out.
- Ready?
- Ready.
- All any of us care about is what you
the viewer has to say.
So comment below and type in your vote.
Are you going L-O-T-R or H-P?
Together those letters spell PHLORT.
So as long as your answer
makes more sense than that,
we're good.
- This is completely mental.
- Completely.
- Keep it classy out
there on the inter-web,
I'd love to stay and chat more,
but I booked an eagle to whisk me home.
It'll be here now, any second.
They're never on time.
Oh wait, I'm already home.
Cancel the eagle.
(upbeat music)
