The Buddhist psychology tradition, in particular,
and the Asian psychologies in general and
actually the ancient Christian monastic psychologies
do have a strong theory and a strong practice
really of overcoming bitterness, hatred, resentment,
vengefulness and so forth.
Carrying a little further from Moses's already
restraining idea of an eye for an eye and
a tooth for a tooth.
In other words, you don't take a leg or a
life for an eye, you know.
Or a life for a tooth, you know, just another
tooth.
Which was already a step forward from the
old vengeance idea of tribal attitude.
And Jesus's and Buddha's greater idea of really
love your enemies and how to unpack that in
a modern setting.
And people get nervous about it because they
think if you love your enemies it means you're
gonna cave to them, you're gonna be a martyr,
you're gonna invite them to come and destroy
you and just be a masochist and so forth.
And that is not at all what it means.
Love means in the Asian psychological term
and I think really in any term it means the
wish for the beloved happiness.
To want to make the one you love happy.
That's what love really is.
It isn't really greed and wish to possess
although some kinds of love tend to mix with
that of the egotistical person.
The reason someone is your enemy is they think
you're preventing their happiness.
Somehow you have something they want, you're
in their way, whatever it is, the world isn't
big enough for the both of you type of attitude.
And so they're gonna be your enemy because
they're unhappy and they think by getting
rid of you they'll be happy.
So if they were happy already without messing
with you they might be wanting to leave you
alone because it's no fun to go attack people.
It's like, it's an exercise, you know.
It's not like you are giving a caress or receiving
one.
So loving your enemies is actually practical
advice.
And Martin Luther King, for example, when
he went back the second time to that bridge
in Birmingham, John Lewis says that he was
advised by his friends, "Come on.
Don't get into how we're gonna love those
guys, those cops who are sicking dogs and
hoses and beating us and jailing us and torturing
us."
Then Martin Luther King said, "No, it's too
bitter a burden to bear hatred and resentment.
We do love them.
Of course we oppose them and we are against
them and we don't want them to behave like
that but we don't hate them.
That's just a ridiculous waste of our energy."
And in a way you can see that being an enemy
who has hurt you has already hurt you.
If you go around nursing hatred and vindictiveness
and how to get back at them you're hurting
yourself.
When you oppose your enemy -- and by saying
your enemy, someone they think they're your
enemy.
Hopefully if you love your enemy you have
no enemy.
But when you oppose that person which you
can do, you can have tough love.
You can have fierce compassion.
When they sense that you're doing it because
you want their betterment actually because
it's not good for them to be mean to you and
so on.
Then actually it has a little different edge
to it and, for example, if you're trying to
get them to see reason there's a better chance
they'll be able to listen to you when they
don't feel the weight of hatred and a destructive
vibration toward them coming through the speech,
you know, what's in the style of the energy
of the speech.
Your motivation will make it more successful.
