 
 
 
 
 
Have you guys heard that India...
is an emerging economy?
 
I have been hearing it
since school
Now I know that foreplay...
is important
but how much?
How much can one emerge?
before actually coming.
There is progress in the country but there are no priorities
If you give people 4G connections
before you give them primary education
...and then you ban porn
Then you get a country of trolls right?
Log pagal ho rahe hain
Sar patak rahe hain apna Dewaar main
Kya karu is 4G ka BC?
Khatam hi nahi ho raha hai
2 GB
Prati Din
There is growth in the country
But there is no direction
Because in our country
The solution to all problems is
Let's build a flyover over it
Problem - Flyover
Kyonki niche karo na jo karna hai
Kaun na bol raha hai?
Gareebi
Unemployment
Drug trafficking
Gaand marao neeche!
Photo uar se lega aisa
Phir daalega WhatsApp pe
Friends, this is not Hong Kong, this is Hinjewadi!
Forward hi forward main Vikas ho raha hai yahaan pe
You guys would have heard right that half-knowledge
is dangerous
But WhatsApp knowledge...
Fatal!
Which is why we should be very careful what we believe in these days
My parents used to tell me not to watch WWF
They would say it's fake
It's primitive
It incites violence
Now, I have to tell them the same
about news channels
Identifying fake news should be made part of the curriculum in schools
It's that important
But then again the same people also write the textbooks also
So you can't escape
News in India has gone from being an educated past time
to an orgy
of content
In just a few years from now when we look back
at India TV
It will look like Black Mirror
It's live horror
And, they have sponsors
Ye log apne ko muh pe chutiya bana rahe hain
Dikha ke, dekh BC
Saath main bech rahe hain
Cement
 
Banyan
Saliya
(Taxpayer ka muh kaala!)
Which is why the only way to respond to news now is to be happy
Haan aur dikhao!
Mast!
Like have you guys been following this new scam in the market?
Rafael, Rafal, Rabale...?
Haan, it's nice no?
I like it!
Because for me it came as relief
Because in the past four years
The complete absence of scams...
was disconcerting
Ye log kaam bhi nahi kar rahe hain
Chori bhi nahi kar rahe hain
Kar kya rahe hain?
Kya hoga desh ka?
Chalo chori hi kar lo chalo
Now at least you know where your money is going
Itna tax le rahe hain chuddi main haath daal daal ke
Kahaan ja raha hai?
Now you know
Now you know
To kya hai ab aap nischint baith sakte ho
Ki theek hai yaar koi baat nahi
Hum apna kaam kar rahe hain, woh apna kaam kar rahe hain
Unka kaam hai scam karna
Apna kaam hai: traffic main phasna
Roz
do-do ghante
Aadmi sadd raha hai highway pe
Phir bhi upar dekh ke bol rahaa hai
'Haan ek din Metro aayega yahaan'
'Mera Dil kehta hai aayega...'
Jawaani beet gaya, Metro nahi aaya
Emerge ho raha hai...
But I still feel scams are important
Scams are an important part of nation-building
Yes
Theek hia few politicians made money
Few industrialists made money...
Waise few nahi ek hi hai
At least now they can create jobs
With all that money may be now they will finally hire
A maid...
or a fashion designer
or a news channel anchor
Which is why I am hopeful man. I am really hopeful
that India will quickly move up to white-collar crime
Because that is the way to be civilized
And it will be better than what is happening right now in the country
Look at what is a happening right now
Riots
Mob lynching
It's not nice no
Maza nahi aata hai
It's not efficient
Par karna padta hai
Desh hit ke liye
Now I feel some you do not know what mob lynching is
which is fine because you have a life
But since you've come here I should tell you
That mob lynching is this new high-tech concept
Mob lynching is the crowd-funding of violence
There will be an app soon - LynchMyMob
Download right now
get Rs. 50 cashback on PayTM
Do it for your country
Ye sab karna padta hai
Dictators patronize violence
Democracies; outsource it.
Badi Badi Emerging Economies Mein
Choti Choti Mob Lynchings Hoti Rehti Hain...
Don't feel bad
Don't take it personally...Anjali
I feel we just need better branding for ourselves
Branding is so important right?
If a poor person steals its a crime
If a rich person steals, it's Kleptomania!
We must learn from the West, learn from America
We call it corruption, they call it Lobbying
Apun anpadh hai na BC
We call it black money, they call it hedge funds
We call it imperialism, they call it democracy
Democracy hai na India main?
Filhaal to hai
...Rangeen hai
In India, democracy does not mean that you get equal rights
I means everybody gets equal nuisance value
The most democratic thing we have been reduced to doing
is voting for the contestant of our cast
on Indian Idol
And have you noticed ye desh main naachna bahut important hai
Duniya main, desh main
kuch bhi ho jaaye
TV on karo koi na koi naach hi raha hai chutiye ke jaisa!
Har channel pe
Ghar pe, raste pe, TV pe
Sasta nasha hai na ye
Just a few days back I saw this religious procession on the road
Some Juloos
lot of people, lot of noise
They were using generators
to power the lights and the music...
but they were using Bullocks
to draw the cart
So that was India
in one frame
passing by...
Till today
The biggest achievement in this country is to leave it!
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
