- Me and my boys, I travel
with about four guys.
you know, we hang out.
And we walked in.
Now, I ain't never been
here, so I don't know nobody.
(audience laughing)
So when I walked in everybody,
they act like they know you in there.
I walked in and said, "Hey, how you doing?
"Welcome to the Waffle House!
"Come on in, how's everybody doing?
"How's your mama and them?
"Grab a seat, everybody!
"Welcome to the Waffle House!"
(audience laughing)
(audience cheering)
I'm trying to figure out,
(laughing) "Do we know her?"
So she said, "Grab a seat."
I said, "(beep), it
ain't, but eight of 'em."
(audience laughing)
(Steve laughing)
Girl, you, I got some big
(beep) people with me.
So we find a table and I'm sitting there.
I been sitting there
about, about five minutes,
and this crazy (beep) lookin'
waitress came over to me.
She said, (shouting)
"Are you ready to order?"
(audience laughing)
I said, "Yes, Ma'am.
"You know, as soon as somebody,
you know, bring me a menu."
She said, "Bring you a menu?
"Hell, there they is, right there!"
(audience laughing)
(audience clapping)
The menu was stuck in
a crack on the table.
(Steve chuckling)
'Scuse me. (laughing)
I'm used to people bringing me a menu.
I didn't know you'd have 'em jammed
conveniently in the damned table.
(audience laughing)
So I said, "You know, give me a minute."
So she go away and I'm standing
there and I got this menu.
(nails scratching)
(audience laughing)
I been picking with this menu
about three goddamned minutes, I can't...
(nails tapping)
I can't get this some (beep) open.
Let me...
(audience laughing)
(beep) Nails is bending back.
I'm trying to open this (beep) menu.
I said, this some (beep),
they got syrup on these sons of (beep).
I can't get this, then she came over.
She say, "Can I take your order?"
I said, "Lady, I can't get the menu open."
She said, "Hell, you don't open it.
"you just flip it over."
(audience laughing)
(Steve choking)
(Steve panting)
I ain't ever ordered nothing
on a flashcard before.
(Steve laughing)
(audience laughing)
So I'm sitting there and finally
I figured out what I wanted to eat.
So I went on and got my little
order just as she came back.
She says, "You ready to order?"
I said, "Yes, ma'am."
So I told her what I wanted to order.
Now.
You know.
(Steve sighing)
(audience laughing)
When I order my food,
I think
that ought to be something
just 'tween me and you.
(audience laughing)
(audience clapping)
I told it to you.
I'm expecting you to go somewhere.
Eventually it come out.
This raggedy-mouth heifer
(audience cheering)
Turned around and started
hollerin' my (beep)
all over the restaurant.
He want two eggs over easy!
He want some hash browns
covered, smothered,
double-chunked, diced and liced!
He like, he like his coffee
like he like his women, black!
(audience laughing)
Now, she hollerin' at
this dude that's cooking.
Y'all been in there?
(audience positively responding)
She hollerin' at his (beep).
This some (beep) ain't looking at her.
Ain't paying her no attention, just...
(microphone tapping)
(audience laughing)
(microphone scraping)
(microphone tapping)
(microphone scraping)
Now it's two more women in there
hollerin' at his (beep) too.
He ain't looking at no (beep) body.
(microphone tapping)
(microphone scraping)
I kept saying what the
(beep) is he scrapin'?
(audience laughing)
What is this nasty (beep)
that's on this grill?
(microphone tapping)
I'm sitting there thinking to myself,
"I ain't gonna get a
damn thing I asked for."
About five minutes later,
that lady came to my table?
Everything I asked for was on that plate.
Most amazing (beep)
(audience roaring)
I've ever seen in my life.
So right after the show,
I'm going right back
to that (beep) Waffle House. (laughing)
I got, I got to go see them (beep) again.
(audience laughing)
(audience clapping)
