Hello! Welcome to the Jim Jefferies Show on the Internet.
I'm Internet Jim Jefferies: Pornography.
A San Francisco company has taken a big step forward
in ethical, lab-grown meat.
One of the more amazing things we do here at JUST
is we culture meat. We basically grow animal meat without killing the animal.
It's really tasty!
It tastes like chicken.
It tastes like chicken!
Yeah! Yeah, it tastes like chicken!
It tastes like chicken because it's chicken.
It's just grown in a lab.
In fact, how do we know that that's not what we've been eating all along?
I've never seen any chickens out in the world,
which brings us to our regular segment,
Hard Left Turn!
Where the fuck are all the chickens?
Seriously! Where the fuck are all the chickens?
Let's say the average person eats one chicken every two weeks.
That's 300 million Americans times twenty-six chickens a year.
That's like, 8 billion chickens!
Where are the 8 billion chickens?!
You can't hide 8 billion of anything!
There are 300 million people in America.
And I'm stuck in traffic every day.
I'm not running over chickens.
I'm never waiting in line at Starbucks
because a chicken can't make its fuckin' mind up.
So, where are they?
People try to tell me they're crammed in buildings somewhere.
Well, I've never seen one of these buildings!
Once rolling pastures, ripe for grazing cattle in Eastern Oklahoma,
are now home to a growing poultry industry.
But these are what they're building, these mega houses.
They'll hold up to three hundred thousand birds.
No, no, no!
Fake news!
There's no way these houses hold three hundred thousand birds!
Have you seen what happens when one bird gets indoors?
It's fuckin' mayhem.
No one can get it out.
And anyway, those buildings don't explain the so-called "free-range" chickens.
That's bullshit too.
Every package in the super market says "free-range,"
which means the chicken just wanders around fields and such.
Where are the fields? I drive everywhere.
I've never seen a field of fucking chickens.
I see the cows. The cows are accounted for.
Where's the fuckin' chickens?
And that's not all.
Say the average person eats fifteen to twenty chicken wings each time they're drunk.
So, nightly, that's what people do.
So, if we're eating all those wings and each chicken only has two wings,
that's like...
a trillion chickens.
The math doesn't add up. And while I'm at it, America,
it's maths. It's not fucking math.
There are multiple numbers.
"I'm going home to do my math homework."
Shut up! You sound like fucking morons. It's maths!
The maths doesn't add up.
There would have to be chicken houses everywhere.
There would have to be millions of chickens in every state.
No!
Three and a half million chickens? I don't believe it!
How convenient.
Just when you find all the chickens, they're dead.
This is a cover-up.
This is a cover-up if I've ever seen one.
As I was saying,
We've all been eating fake, lab-grown meat and we've never known it.
Because there just aren't that many chickens.
If you know where the chickens are,
tweet us @jefferiesshow using the hashtag
#IFoundTheChickens
But I'll call you a liar
'cause you're a fuckin' liar.
