 
### Forest Fairies,

Mikal's Web Trilogy, Book #1

By Mary Lou Danielson

Published by Mary Lou Danielson

Smashwords Edition

Copyright 2011 Mary Lou Danielson

Cover Artist: Mary Lou Danielson

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be used or reproduced electronically or in print without written permission of the copyright owner, except in the case of brief quotations embodied in reviews.

This publication is a work of fiction. The names, characters, places, and events in this book are fictitious or used fictitiously. Any similarity to real people, living or dead is coincidental and not intended by the author. The author acknowledges that any reference to a trademarked name, has been used fictionally, and are not authorized, associated with, or sponsored by the trademark owners.

Smashwords Edition license Statement

This eBooks is licensed for your personal enjoyment only. This eBooks may not be re-sold or given away to other people. If you would like to share this book with another person, please download an additional copy for each person you share it with. If you are reading this eBook and did not download it, or it was not downloaded for your use only, then you should return to the eBook retailer from whom it was acquired and download your own copy. Thank you for respecting the author's work.

Parental rating:

This book contains content that may not be suitable for young readers 17 and under.

It may contain mildly explicit sexual scenes or mild swearing

Mikal's Web Trilogy:

Forest Fairies, Book #1

Up The Ivory Staircase, Book #2

Broken by an Angel, Book #3

### Forest Fairies

By Mary Lou Danielson

Chapter 1

I should have run as fast as I could, on my short, stubby legs. He seized my attention and senses, as his brown eyes and southern charm drew me into a web I didn't see, and could not escape. In the following weeks, his web threatened my resolve to be true to my fiancé, who was away at college. It swathed me in a lifetime of precarious relationships. I made choices which bound or thwarted those I love. If I was alert, I should have felt its sticky strands encasing every shred of my being. I was a moth being drawn to a candle, Mikal's candle.

"Ouch," I said as someone bumped me and I fell into a table in the church meeting room.

"Sorry, Ma'am, I didn't notice you. Are you hurt?" The southern drawl accentuated a sweet, deep voice.

"No," I replied, watching his dreamy brown eyes search my face. As the light hit them, they reflected red highlights, the color of a chestnut red horse in the sunlight. "But I'm too young to be a Ma'am," I said.

A crooked, boyish grin curved the edges of his mouth. "Where I come from there's a fine line between Miss and Ma'am and you kind 'a fall in the middle."

"You must be new here, I haven't met you before. My name is Suzy Robins."

His hand swallowed mine as he shook it and introduced himself. "I'm Mikal Bowers, spelled M-I-K-A-L. My Mama couldn't spell, but she wanted to name me after an angel."

"Are you?" I asked.

"What, an angel?" He laughed. "Not often."

"Your accent indicates you aren't from around here," I said.

"No, but where I'm from, is as bad as my name," he said.

"And where's that, Mikal?"

"Ok, but don't laugh--the town is Possum Lick, in western Kentucky, where the Ohio and Mississippi rivers join." Scanning the room, he said, "I see a coupl'a chairs by the wall. I'll get some drinks and tell you about my home."

I sat, nervously aware of the most captivating man I had met in my young life. His casual gait made me understand the term "mosey." My eyes followed his every move. He was a tad less than six feet tall. The broad shoulders, strong forearms and tanned hands beneath rolled sleeves, suggested he performed physical work, or worked out. A ring dented his hair where he probably wore a hat. A cowboy hat, I surmised. The cowboy boots at the bottom of his long, lean legs verified my initial impression.

Innocently unaware of the danger this man was about to introduce to my life, I smiled as he brought the drinks. He tipped his head in a polite nod and sat next to me, leaning forward, resting his elbows on his knees. He rocked forward and back, gazing at the floor as he talked, but periodically glancing at me from the corner of his eye, so he knew, I was listening.

Was he a shy, or sly, country boy?

Were the soft brown, doe eyes compassionate or crafty as a fox?

He lifted his glass to eye level. "Hey, this isn't sweet tea, but it'll do."

"Sweet tea?" I asked.

Mikal laughed softly. "At home, and all over the south, they make the tea so strong they add half a pound of sugar to the pitcher. It's cloudy like a muddy river and nearly the same color. Here in California the tea's so weak you can read a book through the glass."

"What else do you drink at home?" asked Suzy.

"The kids and women drink lemonade, the men chug moonshine. I've never seen a lemon tree in Kentucky, but we always had ice-cold lemonade. Didn't know where the lemons came from, but the moonshine came from Uncle Ed's still, out back of his barn. Every Sunday, Papa Joe, my granddaddy, and his pals, disappeared as soon as dinner was over. Papa says I'm not old enough for 'shine, even though I'm 23."

"I've never been to Kentucky. What's your home like?"

Reflecting on his past, he said, "Here in California, everything turns brown by the end of May unless you drench the ground with water. Back home the fields stay green from spring to fall, because rain is abundant most years. In the spring, just before the leaves come out on the tall trees, the dogwoods bloom. They are small trees dwarfed by the big leafless trees. Most have flat, white flowers that seem to float in midair like little fairies flitting in the forest. As the dogwood leaves sprout; the little white forest fairies, float to the ground, and disappear until next spring." Mikal cocked his head and grinned. As he talked, or reminisced, he turned the southern charm, and accent, on and off at will.

While he extoled the romance of his southern roots

I should have heard the sucking sound,

as I was drawn into the deep hole of his sweet personality.

Grinning, he said, "As kids, we spent hot, summer afternoons at the swimmin' hole. Yea, it's like the pictures of a kid swingin' on a rope and jumpin' into the water." He peaked at me from the corner of his eye and laughed softly at the memories.

"Do you have family in Kentucky?" I asked.

"Yea, most of my kin are there," he said. "Gran and Papa Joe have the farm where I grew up. Daddy died working at the dam when I was eight. Ma and I went to live on the farm, but Ma lives in Nashville, now. The farm's too much work for Papa, so they lease most of the land to the neighbors. Their grandson couldn't see a future in farming, so he joined the Navy after high school."

"You?" I asked.

"Yep," Mikal nodded. "Sometimes I feel guilty, but the world is changing. Computers fascinated me and the Navy offered to send me to computer school. A friend in high school taught me basic programming, so I jumped at the chance. I left the Navy last year and now I'm working with new recruits, at the Marine and Navy Centers."

Noticing we were the last ones in the room, I said, "My life story can wait. We should go to church."

After church, we walked outside together, visited with friends, and slowly migrated to my car where we stood in quiet contemplation.

I should have stayed in church and prayed

for my deliverance from his tightening web.

I should have sped home, alone,

to elude his grasp.

Mikal observed the emptying parking lot, and said, "I didn't notice any guys around you tonight. Do you have a boyfriend?"

"I'm sort of engaged," I said. "Jessie and I have gone together since the 10th grade. He's at the university in Berkeley studying music; he's a wonderful pianist. I don't have an official ring, but we plan to be married when he graduates. He's finishing his junior year."

I sensed a distinct change in Mikal's demeanor when he made a slight movement from me. He hesitated; then said, "That's a long time to wait for someone who's so far away, especially if you're 'sort of' engaged. Does he come home often?"

"Not often," I said. "Some school breaks and an occasional weekend. Phone calls are expensive, so we only talk twice a month. I write letters, but he seldom does."

"Huh," he said. "Sounds like a one sided affair. It's not my business, but you're a fine person and deserve a good man. You should have someone who will put you first and treasure you." Grinning he said, "I'm stepping in where I don't belong. We just met and I'm playing big brother."

He was delivering clues of impending entrapment:

sympathy, valor, and modesty.

Smiling, I put my arm through his. "Mikal, something clicked between us tonight. I hope we are beginning a wonderful friendship, but you must understand where my heart is. Letting you expect more would be wrong." Extending my hand, I said, "Friends?"

Mikal took my hand, but instead of shaking, he bowed, kissed the back, and said, "Ma'am, I'm at your disposal forever. I'll slay any dragons threatening you, and applaud your successes, but hear me, if the door opens; I intend to jump through before it closes."

The icing on the cake: chivalry and compassion.

Steadying myself on the car, with my mouth agape, my heart pounded, and I managed to say, "I believed people only spoke that way in books."

He chuckled softly and said, "I anticipated buying you a soda, but we'll call it a night, this time." After a slight bow, Mikal opened my car door, assisted me inside, grinned, and sauntered to his red truck. Half way, he paused, turned slightly, and smiling, he looked at me and nodded.

Inside his truck, he leaned to the side, righted himself, and put on a cowboy hat. He grasped the hat by the crease of the crown, set it low on his forehead, slid it back, and wiggled it snuggly into place. Putting on a cowboy hat, must be the sexiest act a man can perform. The truck fired with a roar, and when he passed my car he nodded, which also dipped the brim of the hat.

My gut flip-flopped. How could one trivial gesture make such an impact?

I should have run a hundred miles an hour

to escape his grasp

before it tightened on my heart.

I composed myself sufficiently to drive home, but sleep eluded me. Mikal haunted my dreams. Even though I love Jesse, Mikal and I can be friends.

Don't bet on it Suzy.

After only two hours with a soft-talking stranger,

unknowingly, I was trapped in Mikal's web.

Chapter 2

The following Wednesday night was choir practice before the midweek church service. When I arrived, Mikal was sitting in the corner playing a guitar and singing to a small audience. Leaning on the wall, I was amazed how well he played and sang. His voice was a strong, rich baritone, which melted my insides. He fingered the strings of the guitar as if he was in love with them. Did he touch a woman with such tenderness? My skin tingled and I said aloud, "Stop it, Suzy!"

Mikal sang a recent country song from the radio. His love for rural life was evident, and his southern drawl re-surfaced when he was homesick. I heard a slight hesitation in the song, as our eyes met. The next song spoke of the family he missed, the love of country, and the girl, he left behind. The family and country parts were real, but how real was the girl. Could I be jealous of someone who may not exist? I chided myself, because I was promised to Jesse, and I had no business being jealous of Mikal's girlfriends.

When the song was over, the group disbursed, because it was time for choir practice to start. They told Mikal he sang and played well and they welcomed him to the choir...besides they needed male voices. "Thanks," he said, but remained sitting in the corner staring at me. Our eyes locked as he stood; then slowly, his boots carried his feet toward me. Leaning on the wall next to me, he said, "You should'a come earlier, we had a dandy little session. Billy played a harmonica, Joe beat sticks on a chair, and I strummed the ol' strings. Nothing better than happy, or sad, country love songs. Do you like country music?"

"Most country songs are too twangy for me," I said, wrinkling my nose.

"Kenny Rogers, Glenn Campbell, Willie Nelson, and Johnny Cash?" he asked.

Waiving my hands, I said, "All right, I give up. Those people are on the pop charts; I don't think of them as country." After a moment, I added, "Your soul showed when you sang those songs. You miss home, don't you?"

Gazing at another world, Mikal said, "Yea, I do, but I could never go back to my old life."

"Was the life hard?" I asked.

"Farm work's physically hard," he said, "but it wasn't the work, it was the hopelessness. Guys my age can't find jobs off the farm, in Kentucky. Southern boys join the Army because they'll work hard for nothing and most can shoot the whiskers off a skunk. City people think of us as poor, white trash, inbreeds, or illiterate, but the poor economy makes it tough to feed or clothe your kids. The barefoot boy, carrying his fishin' pole to the river, doesn't wear shoes in the summer because his younger brother or sister will need them next winter in the snow.....Huh! I'm lucky I got out before I was stuck in a dead end, nothing job." Eyeing me, he added, "Enough of my past. Let's go sing some happy songs about how much God loves us."

We went to our respective sections of the choir. Mikal's distinctive voice floated to my ears, and I wondered how different our lives had been. He grew up as a poor, country farm boy. I was a city girl, not rich, but I never went hungry, always had decent clothes, the roof never leaked, and I had several pair of shoes, which all belonged only to me.

After choir practice, Mikal left with his guitar, so I went to the church with friends. During the service, I could hear Mikal's rich voice singing behind me. I forced myself to focus forward.

After the service, we milled around the lobby before we went outside. Most of us had known each other for years and Wednesday night was the time to say our "hellos." I noticed Mikal across the way, with the pastor, who was introducing him to new people. He glanced my way and winked, I grinned to acknowledge the gesture. Eventually we connected and I invited him to join me, and my friends, for coffee or soda.

"Thanks," he said, "but I was hoping we could go someplace alone. You've heard my life story; I'd like to hear yours."

"I'd like to share my story with you," I said, "but I'll need to tell my grandmother I'll be late, so she doesn't worry. Come meet her." Gram was visiting with her friends. "Mikal, this is my grandmother, Hanna Robins. Gram, this is Mikal Bowers. Mikal is new to the church."

"I'm pleased to meet you Ma'am. You have a wonderful granddaughter." Sheepishly he asked me, "am I allowed to call your grandma Ma'am'?" He winked at Gram. "It's a little joke between us. I called her a Ma'am and she thought she should be a Miss." Slapping his forehead, he said to Gram, "Man, I messed up again. I meant to say 'Pleased to meet you Miss Robins'. Someone as young as you, Miss Robins, is not a Ma'am, either." Leaning close to Gram he said, "I know where Suzy gets her good looks."

Gram asked me, "Did you find him in the cabbage patch?" We all laughed. "I may fight you for this one. Now go along and remember you'll turn into a pumpkin at midnight."

"Yes, Gram, but I'm not a little girl anymore." We hugged and Mikal and I went to the parking lot to get our cars. We met at Binnie's Burger House, three blocks from the church.

"Two for a booth in the back!" Binnie hollered as we entered. Mikal sat across from me, and Binnie teasingly said, "You can't sit there."

"Why not?" Mikal asked.

"You better move to the other side and sit next to this lovely lady," Binnie said.

"This is okay, for the first date," Mikal said. "Besides, I can concentrate on her pretty blue eyes from here."

"It's not a date Mikal, we're just friends," I said.

Mikal seemed surprised at my reaction and corrected himself. "We can't sit too close, because we're not dating...yet."

Binnie was unusually silent, as he inspected us. "So what'll you have?" he asked. "Binnie's Mile High Burger's on special. It comes with a mountain of Skinny Fries and a drink."

"Ugh," I said. "It's too late for so much food. Mikal, are you hungry or do you only want dessert?"

"Dessert is fine. What's good?"

Rolling my eyes, I sighed. "The Chewy Chocolate Cherry Cake is to die for. Everything here is a mile high, so with chocolate chip ice cream it would be enough to split."

"Sounds good, and a soda please. A drink for the lady, too," Mikal said in his slow drawl.

Pointing his thumb toward Mikal, Binnie asked me, "He related to Red Butler?"

"Something like that, Binnie," I said, giggling. "Yes, I'll have a soda too, please."

Binnie walked away shaking his head and muttering about not getting another one like Mikal in here until bulls had calves.

Covering his face with both hands, Mikal stifled some of his laughter, and then gained control. "Are you going to be awake all night eating so much sugar?"

"No," I said. "I haven't slept well the last few nights, so I should crash tonight."

"Why not?"

"Just stuff." I couldn't say, "You!"

"Just stuff? What kind of stuff can bother a young lady like you?" he asked.

Your eyes, your voice, your southern accent, and now your guitar and singing voice, I was thinking. Now was the time for a little white lie. "Nothing serious, it'll pass." Thank goodness, Binnie came with the cake and drinks.

"Whoa!" Mikal said, "A bull moose couldn't eat all this." Binnie was shaking his head, as he walked away.

Laughing, I picked up my fork, and took a bite. "Mm, I don't believe anything is better in the whole world than chocolate. You can't have too much. I told Gram, if I get sick and I'm about to die, ask the nurses to hook the feeding tube to a bucket of chocolate... plus chocolate chip ice cream. Oh, but then, the chips might plug the tube." I shrugged and said, "In the summer, when Grandpa was alive, we walked to the corner drug store to buy a half-gallon of chocolate chip ice cream. It froze so hard we dug it out with a big scoop. We could polish off the whole carton in one night, minus a little for Gram. Ha!" I said, "Funny how silly memories are triggered when you least expect them."

"So, do you live with your grandmother?" Mikal asked.

"Yes, the two of us. Grandpa died when I was 15."

"Where are your parents, Suzy? Do you mind if I ask personal questions?"

"No, Mikal, you've shared your past. I barely remember my mother; I was young when she died. I've never understood her illness, but she was either in bed or in a wheel chair. My father was in the Army. He retired a few years ago, in France, with his current wife and family. I rarely saw him as a kid; I still don't."

"You seem to get on well with your grandmother."

"Oh yea, we're pals," I said. "We seldom have conflicts. I'm lucky to be part of the church, because they have plenty for the kids to do. In high school, Gram rarely questioned what I was doing, because she knew my friends and their parents. Sundays, after church, I go with Gram and her friends to lunch. We have a little house near here; we share the housework and cooking. She and Gramps bought the house years ago, so it's old, but they maintained it well, when he was alive. We do the little repairs, but for something big we call someone."

"I'm handy with tools," he said, pretending to work a hammer and screwdriver. "Why don't I come over and help? On the farm we fixed everything ourselves; I'm great with tractors. The price would be right; I could do with some home cooking."

"Ha, ha," I said, "We don't have a tractor, but we must have things needing to be fixed, or you could show us how. Don't expect gourmet, our diet is meat, potatoes, a veggie, and a salad. We have lots of cold milk, tea, and coffee."

"How about Saturday?" Mikal asked. "I don't work, do you?"

"Saturday is great; I'll let Gram know," I said. "What would you like for your first paycheck?"

"How's your fried chicken?" Mikal asked. "I haven't found good southern fried since I've been here."

"Well, our chicken won't be your grandmothers' in Kentucky. Nothing's as good as home, but we can try," I said.

Mikal hesitated a moment. "Tell you what. I'll fry the chicken. You do the rest. Should I bring my guitar?"

"Oh no!" I said. "This may get expensive if we pay the handyman, pay overtime to cook, and pay for a concert, too."

"The cooking and concert are on the house...or in the house," Mikal said laughing.

Binnie returned, putting his hands on his hips, scowling at the plate of cake and ice cream. "What's the matter with my cake? Didn't you like it? The ice cream melted, too. This here southern boy don't know good California cookin'? Or have you two been busy with somethin' else? We're closed in 10 minutes."

"Oh, Binnie," I said, taking another bite of cake. "We were engrossed in our conversation."

"Yea, yea, yea, I saw you two," Binnie said, to Mikal. "Her eyes blue enough, after inspecting them a thousand times?"

"Only 999," Mikal said, "but I'm not sure yet. Next time we'll sit in better light."

"Next time don't take up a seat of one of my big spenders," Binnie growled. "Since you didn't eat anything, this one's on me. You take care of this lady, because she's a sweetheart. Hope you're better than the other one. Now get out'a here so I can go home."

Mikal left a healthy tip. Stopping at the register where Binnie was standing, Mikal said, "Make sure to give that nice waiter the tip. You know, I'm still searching for good southern fried chicken. My Granny makes the best. We have piles of mashed potatoes smothered in real chicken gravy, not brown stuff from a can. She fixes green beans, cooked with red onion and bacon, and makes piles of fluffy homemade biscuits with real butter. Got anything here that's worth coming back for?"

"You rebs think this's a cook to order joint?" Eyeing Mikal for a minute, Binnie muttered, "Try next Wednesday before church."

Mikal extended his hand. "Name's Mikal, have a good one."

Binnie shook Mikal's hand. "Out'a here. Now!"

Outside, Mikal said, "I think we should come next Wednesday, or we'll get poison the next time. Will you join me, and if so, what time can you be here?"

"Yes, I can be here by 6:00 p.m.," I said.

"I need to try harder to impress you," Mikal said. "The first date was melted ice cream, I didn't spend a dime, no candles, no flowers, an obnoxious waiter, and he threw us out. The second date, woops, meeting probably won't cost $10.00 at this run-down hamburger joint. I'll have to find something better."

I was laughing so hard I was crying. "I've had fun, Mikal. Thanks for the melted ice cream."

"You're welcome Ma'am....uh, Miss Robins," he corrected. "We both work tomorrow so we should go before we turn into pumpkins. If I'm going to be the handy man I'll need your address and phone number."

We exchanged the information and said good night, but Mikal didn't leave. Leaning on his truck, with his arms folded across his chest, he watched me drive away. He seemed to be in deep, serious thought, as I waved goodbye. Come to think of it, my thoughts were muddled, too. What am I doing inviting this stranger to my grandmother's house?

The memory of Suzy haunted Mikal as he drove home. After entering his house, he absently hung his hat on a peg and placed his guitar case on the floor. A few minutes later, the chill from the refrigerator reminded him he opened its door for a beer. The first cool swig from the bottle didn't erase his desire to taste Suzy's sweet lips. On his deck, he sat with his guitar and beer, gazing at the twinkling lights of the San Diego harbor. He played every song he could remember about blue eyes and kissable lips. Her blue eyes cost him three nights of sleep this week, how many more nights would follow. Later, when he tossed his empty bottle into the glass recycle bin, it shattered on two others resting on the bottom of the can. Great! Now she cost him the deposit on three beer bottles, too. Mikal was usually happy being alone, but tonight his house closed in on him as he viewed his empty bed. Maybe he shouldn't have given away his TV, because he wouldn't sleep again tonight.

Chapter 3

I woke early, the next morning, thinking of Mikal, but soon, my mind wandered to Jesse. I was confused. I met a very interesting man; however, I had been in love with a boy named Jesse Jones for three years, since I was seventeen years old and he was eighteen. My Jesse was a six-foot tall tanned, blue eyed, blond surfer boy. Like me, he was born and raised in San Diego. He was the track star at high school, the highest scorer on the basketball team, and graduated valedictorian. Jesse never did homework, and I spent hours studying, the inequity was irritating.

Jesse was so sure of himself and knew what he wanted. He was so cute pretending to be shy in groups, because it seemed to attract the girls. I loved watching him, and in the end, we walked away together with his arm around my shoulders and I would tease him about the girls who adored him. He laughed and said it was my imagination.

Girls followed Jesse and flirted openly, but I had Jesse and they were jealous. I never understood why, but he only had eyes for me. I wasn't ugly, but I wasn't the prettiest girl in school, either. Many of the girls had better figures; I was short, and slightly plump. I had advantages because I had more curves than the skinny girls, and Jesse wasn't the only guy whose eyes dropped below my chin when they talked to me. If a boy was a little "fresh," Jesse stepped in and told him I was his "little chickie." The guy left rather quickly after Jesse put his hands on his shoulders, pulled him close, and whispered in his ear. He never told me what he said.

My hair was mousy brown, fine and limp, and I had absolutely no talent fixing my hair, so a ponytail was my usual style. I dressed conservatively, wearing mostly plain blouses and skirts, while the other girls wore the latest teenage fashions. They giggled and played coy, but I was shy in groups. Some kids thought I was a bit weird, but not Jesse. He treated me as if I was his favorite toy.

One day I asked him why he loved me instead of one of the prettier girls. He replied, "Do you know much attention a diamond ring attracts?" I didn't understand the meaning, at the time, and certainly didn't realize it was a put-down.

Music was the one thing we had in common. Along with being a star athlete and a major brain, Jesse also played the piano extremely well. I never saw hands move over the keys so fast and the combination of sounds he created was amazing. At the university, he was studying to be a music teacher, and a computer programmer, and he hopes to play with one of the major symphonies.

I barely played the piano well enough to accompany myself while I practiced singing. Singing was the one thing I did to out shine Jesse. I sang like a bird; I was born to sing. I joined both the glee club at school, and the choir at church. I sang in the car, in the school halls between classes, walking from the car into a building, everywhere. He said I sang more than his grandmother's canary. Jesse won every piano talent contest he entered, but he couldn't sing a note. I teased him, asking him how someone's mouth and hands could be so disconnected. He laughed and sang louder, off key, until I covered my ears.

Our time alone together was rare, because we were usually in a group of kids. He tried to "make out" in the car, when he took me home, but as soon as his hands began to wander over "those parts" of my body I pulled away and retreated to my house. The preacher's words of warning rang in my ears. Jesse said he wanted to show me how much he loved me, but I wouldn't give in. By the end of his senior year in high school, most evenings ended in frustration and in arguments over our relationship...or lack of it.

Jesse was accepted to the university on a music and sports scholarship. When he received his letter of admittance, I thought he would explode. He hugged me, picked me up, and swung me around, until I was so dizzy, I nearly fell. I was happy for him, but I didn't understand the difficulty of getting into a top school and the consequences to his future, to our future.

Jesse graduated from high school in June of 1984. We both had summer jobs and he was getting ready to leave for college, so our last summer together went quickly. Before he left, he told me he loved me and when he graduated, we would be married, get a nice house, and have kids. The proposal wasn't romantic, he didn't give me a ring, but I loved him and he loved me. He asked me not to date anyone else and I agreed; however, I foolishly didn't request a reciprocal agreement.

Jesse left for school in mid-August, following a teary good bye. We pledged our love, promised to write letters, promised to miss each other, and he promised to come home as often as possible. Jesse assured me it would be worth the long wait until his graduation, when we would finally get married. Another kiss, another hug, and he was gone.

I wrote an ongoing letter each week, like a diary, and mailed them on Sundays, but I only received short notes from him once or twice a month. His excuse was he had classes, sports, music, a part time job, and still had to sleep. I believed him because he continued to tell me he loved me.

Jesse came home the first Christmas and spring break and it was as if he had never been gone. We were together every day, but his visits ended too soon. The night before he returned to school, during spring break, he took me for a nice dinner at an ocean side restaurant. After a yummy chocolate dessert, we walked barefoot on the beach; the sand was soft and cool under my feet. The night was warm, so we sat on the sand, talked, and watched the waves. He pulled me onto the sand, almost lying on top of me. His kisses were slow and exciting as his tongue touched mine and he nibbled my lip. His hands wandered over my body and under my skirt toward "those places we didn't mention". If the sun didn't see it, neither did he, or his hands. His aggressiveness escalated and I told him to slow down, but he became more intense as he pushed me further toward intimacy than in the past. I struggled to get away, but he held me with such force, I was frightened.

He said, "If you loved me, you'd show me."

I retorted, "If you loved me, you'd respect my beliefs, and since we were raised in the same church, you should understand."

He glared at me, jumped up, kicked the sand, and walked to the edge of the surf, staring at the ocean. I scrambled to my feet and ran to catch him. He was stiff and silent as I approached him; he shrugged away at my touch, drove to my house, and left without saying goodbye. I struggled with my moral beliefs and my fears of losing him. Three more years is a long time for two adult bodies to wait to fulfill natural desires. Jesse's impatience was growing, and I wasn't sure if he would wait or walk away.

A week later, I received a sweet letter of apology, saying he loved me and should respect my beliefs. I believed he loved me and would wait for me.

I graduated from high school two months later and found a job at a bank. Jesse and I continued to write, but we seldom talked on the phone. We renewed our promises during his infrequent visits home, and we continued to battle over sex. After almost three years he was about to complete his junior year, which meant only a year remained to his graduation and our wedding.

I came back to reality thinking about Mikal. Before last Sunday night, when I met him at church, I knew I loved Jesse and I would marry him next year. I intended keep my promises to Jesse, but Mikal was fun and he was here. Mikal's southern charm, and sexy brown eyes, couldn't deter me from my plans to spend the rest of my life with Jesse, and I was sure Mikal and I could be friends.

Chapter 4

Thursday, after work, Gram and I went through the house and made a huge list of jobs for Mikal. Some tasks we could manage, but Mikal and I could become better acquainted, away from the prying eyes and wagging tongues at church. I didn't want to scare him away, so I only gave him a brief job description when he called Friday evening.

Mikal was at the door at 9:01a.m "I sat at the end of the block for ten minutes, so I wouldn't be early," he said. "Women don't like surprises in the morning."

"How do you know? Do you have sisters?" I asked.

"No, and I'll keep my mouth shut to stay out of trouble." Gram walked in, he tipped his hat and said, "Mornin' Mrs. Robins." To me he said, "Notice I dropped the Miss and Ma'am?"

"Gram, I think he's a little too smart."

Gram said to me, "Me too." Then to Mikal, "You can drop the 'Mrs. Robins', I feel old enough. Use Hanna, please. I like the hat; you'll need one for the heat today. The list is long, have you had breakfast?"

"Yes, thank you," he said. "Suzy gave me a rundown last night. I'll take some coffee, black, please. Suzy gets her fuel from sugar and chocolate, I get mine from coffee."

"OH?" said Gram.

I explained. "We went to Binnie's after church Wednesday night, for the Chewy Chocolate Cherry Cake and ice cream. Mikal met Binnie."

Gram rolled her eyes, "That old buzzard? Was he his usual nasty self?"

"Yes, Gram, and I'm proud to say Mikal held his own. He even conned Binnie into making fried chicken before church next Wednesday. Getting the best of Binnie is a rarity."

Gram said to Mikal, "Don't you eat anything but fried chicken? We're having it tonight; tomorrow the women are going to the Chicken Shack after church, and next Wednesday at Binnie's. You are coming with us girls to lunch tomorrow, aren't you? If you're not afraid of a bunch of old women."

"Thank you, Hanna. I held my own against ol' Binnie, so I'll manage a couple of hours with the loveliest ladies in San Diego County. My Granny says I can charm the stink out'a a skunk."

"Now if that isn't deeper than the devil's den, I don't know what is." Gram said, and shook her head. "Off to work you two. I appointed myself the supervisor because I have seniority. Coffee's coming, one black, one white."

"Okay, let's see the list." He pretended to faint and begged, "Please give me more than one day to do all this." He grinned and said, "And besides, I'm in love with your grandmother. If I can't have you, maybe I can win her." He motioned to the garage before I was able to question what he meant by having me. "Let's check your tools so I don't haul in duplicates."

After he opened the garage door, he whistled and remarked, "This garage is spotless, and the drawers are labeled with little flowered tags. If I use your tools, I might get them dirty. Do you keep everything like this?"

"You're not getting out of work with that excuse," I said. "Some things are orderly, and some things can be slobby."

"Where's the slobby, Suzy? I don't see any in the garage where it should be."

"Well, don't inspect my bedroom."

Mikal wiggled his body closer to me and said, "Oh? I can't come to your bedroom?"

I played coy. "Not any time soon, sir."

"Was 'fix the bed' on the list?" he asked.

I placed my finger on his chest and pushed him away. "'Fix the bed' was not on the list, Mikal!"

"Should'a been." He turned quickly and went to the drawers of tools. He held the list to the light and began reading the drawer labels. "It will be faster to use my tools, and I'll get yours if I need something else." He left the garage. "Well, come on. We're wastin' time."

I ran to keep up with his long legs. At the truck, he handed me a pile of tools that filled my arms. "I have a cart out back. Would that be easier?" I said.

"Yep."

I pushed the tools toward him. "Take some of these back, and I'll get the cart."

"It'll save you steps to take them all with you, unless you need the exercise," Mikal said.

"Ha, ha," I said as I stood without moving, until he retrieved some of the tools.

He whistled at me as I retreated. "I like them tight jeans. Makes your, ah, caboose wiggle real cute." I tossed my head and continued toward the back yard, where I stayed, until Mikal came to find me.

"Hey, Suzy, you building the cart or did you break a leg?" He found me drinking a cup of coffee, so he snatched it and set it on a table. With an impish grin, he grabbed me and tickled me until I squealed for him to stop.

Gram yelled through the window. "Hey, you two. You're on the clock, time to begin working."

We yelled in unison, "Yes Ma'am!" Mikal took the cart and I followed to his truck, laughing so hard we doubled over.

Mikal held out his hand. "Where's the list? First, let's do jobs that don't need parts. I can make a shopping list as we go along, and do those jobs another day. The stuck window might be easy, maybe just paint holding it shut. Do you have a ladder?"

"Ladder's in the garage closet. I'll get it while you get organized," I said.

"In a closet?" he asked. "I bet it's not even dusty. Do you want help?"

I plunked my hands on my hips, and said, "I'm no weak little sissy." I flexed a muscle. "Women can do anything." I turned and stomped to the garage.

Mikal laughed doubtfully, "We'll see about that."

When I returned with the ladder, he snickered. "Did you scrub and polish it, for Pete's sake? It's newer than new."

"Then don't get it dirty," I snapped.

After he placed the ladder under the window, he stood aside. "Up the ladder, miss smarty."

I would have to climb several steps to reach the window, so I said, "I don't do heights."

Mikal feigned shocked surprise, pushing back his hat. "What do you mean, you don't do heights? You told me you could do anything." He continued to razz me. "Is my little woman squeamish?"

"Sush, I can do anything on the ground. I fear heights and falling."

"Well, we wouldn't want you to bruise your caboose." He patted my backside and I slapped his hand, which he rubbed, pretending to be hurt. "I think I am maimed; I can't work," he said. I scowled and pointed at the ladder. He grinned and began climbing, but stopped every two steps to shake his wounded hand.

As Mikal climbed the ladder, I noticed he wore work boots instead of his cowboy boots. "Where's your cowboy boots?" I asked.

"Need the right tools for the right job. These boots are for work, the cowboy boots are for getting the girls."

I rolled my eyes, "Yea, right!"

He inspected the window and said, "Ask your grandmother to unlock the window." The window was solidly stuck when he tried to open it. "Well, if I can't get in, maybe a burglar can't either. Sure you want it fixed?" I nodded yes. "Then hand me the tool that's like a short, wide screw driver."

"You mean the chisel?" I asked.

Mikal grinned sheepishly. "Yes, Ma'am, uh I mean Miss." He shook his head and snapped his fingers. "Uh, I mean Suzy." I threatened to shake the ladder, but handed the chisel to him. "Watch out or I might fall and bruise my caboose." He thought a second. "O-o-o, then you might have to rub it." He wiggled his behind while he rubbed it himself.

I gave a mock laugh. "Ha – ha – ha, get to work or I'll tell the boss you're playing."

"Yes...uh... Bossette." He worked on the window and soon it easily slid up and down. He stepped off the ladder, and made a big bow in front of me. "Finis, mademoiselle."

"'Bout time!" I said.

"Ah, I work my fingers to the bone and all I get is sarcasm," he replied.

"Keep working, Gram said you're on the clock." I displayed the list with a flourish, and said, "How about the screen door?" He chased me to the front of the house, but we stopped short, seeing Gram on the porch.

She was surprised. "Are you two getting anything done? On the house, I mean. Am I getting my money's worth?"

"Oh, yes Ma'am." Mikal pointed toward the back. "We..." He straightened up and jabbed his thumb into his chest. "Correction, I fixed the stuck window. Is that the only one?"

"I believe so," said Gram. "Suzy, are your windows okay?" I nodded yes. "Good, windows are fine. Gonna get the squeak out of the screen door?" Gram scrutinized us. "On the other hand, maybe you should leave the door alone...so I can hear if you're bringing her home on time."

"Gram...really!" I said. "I'm 20. I'm not a little girl anymore."

Mikal put his hand on my shoulder. "Don't worry about us being late. She won't even let me kiss her...yet." I slapped his hand from my shoulder and glared at him.

Gram watched with silent interest, before saying, "In that case, fix the squeak. Probably needs some oil."

I huffed off toward the back yard. "I'll get the oil can."

I saw Mikal and Gram exchanged grins, and she said, "Give her some time, Mikal."

We continued working on minor repairs, and made notes on those, which needed more than gentle attention. By mid-afternoon, we were both tired and decided to rest.

Mikal wiped his forehead with his shirtsleeve. "It's getting pretty warm. I've had enough today, how about you? It appears you've already quit for the day."

"I agree." My arms hung limply, splayed over the side of the chair, and my legs stretched in front of me. "Let's clean up and call it a day," I said. "We'll separate the tools. Take yours to the truck while I wash mine in the old sink."

"Right, yours must be spotless for your spotless garage." He stood, shaking his head. "Guys aren't guys unless there's a little dirt on their things, otherwise they don't look used." He took my hand and pulled me from the chair. "Come on. Bet I'm done first."

Mikal helped separate the tools, took his to the truck, and then returned to help me. I washed and dried my tools, and was laying them in like kinds. Mikal raised his hand, as if he was shielding his eyes from a bright light. "Man, you could go blind from the reflection off those tools. They're brighter than when you bought them."

"Hush!" I said. "I'll keep mine clean and orderly, and you can leave yours grubby and grimy."

Mikal pulled some of the tools from their piles.

I grabbed them back. "Hey, I'm organizing these to go into the right drawers."

"You can't put them away like that," he said, retrieving the tool. "One reason for leaving grease and oil on them is to stop the rust." He oiled a rag and began wiping the tools slowly and gently, almost caressing them as he applied the oil.

"You handle those tools like you're making love to them," I said.

He grinned, but didn't look up from his work. "You have to take care of your tools properly. It's like taking care of a good woman. Treat her right and she'll treat you right. When you need her, she'll be by your side." He stole a quick glance at me.

His is gentle words about women stunned me, and I needed some air. Mikal reached around me for another rag as I turned to leave. I was off balance, so he caught me in his arms. We stood face to face, our bodies touching. "Hey, we're not done yet," he said. "The deal was we'd do our own tools. I'm only helping a damsel in tool distress."

I was uncomfortable with his closeness, and attempted to move away. I was trying to evade his gaze, but our eyes locked and held briefly. Panic rose and my breathing quickened. "Suzy, I'm not going to bite," he said softly. He touched my face and slowly brushed my cheek with his thumb. "A bit of dirt," he said in a whisper.

I spun away and caught myself on the worktable. I clung to the table, gasping, but when he lightly touched my back, I bolted toward the house. "I need to use the lady's room," I said.

"Well damn," I heard him say.

I ran into the house, to my room; the kitchen door banged behind me. My head was spinning, that simple touch on my cheek caused me to fall apart. I'm in love with Jesse, how can another guy do that to me?

The back door banged, so Mikal must have come into the house. I remembered he was staying for dinner. How could I manage the next hour? This was silly; I had to face him. I left my room, but stopped when I heard Gram and Mikal talking.

Gram said to Mikal, "Suzy was in a bit of a hurry."

"Just a little misunderstanding," he said to Gram.

"A lover's spat already?"

"We'll see; am I still invited for dinner?" he asked.

"Sure, it was part of the deal. You ready to cook chicken?" Gram asked.

"Yes, Ma'am," Mikal replied. "Could I clean up first? I have clean clothes in my truck."

"Yes. You will find towels in the closet if you want to take a shower," she said.

"A shower would be nice. Thanks," Mikal said, and started for the front door.

I panicked and retreated to my room before Mikal saw me. I heard the front door open and close; then saw him go to his truck. He returned to the house with his clothes. I heard him enter the bathroom and soon the shower started. A moment of horror overcame me, thinking of a man, Mikal, being in my shower, using my soap, my shampoo, and my towels. No man had ever been so intimate with my house and my possessions. Gramps didn't count, because he was Gramps. The water stopped. Finally he was done. An eternity later, the door opened. What took a guy so long?

Mikal must have returned to the kitchen, I had to get myself together and join them. I went to the bathroom for my shower, but nearly swooned from the after shower, soap smells. For the first time, I stood where a wet, naked man stood in my bathroom. The damp rug singed my feet like hot sand. Stop this, I said to myself. He's only a man, a friend. How can a man taking a shower make you come apart?

In the shower, I picked up the bar of soap, but dropped it as if it burned my hand. The soap lay in the bottom of the tub, waiting for retrieval. Mikal used my soap on his body, now I was going to use the same soap on mine. My body reacted with an uncontrollable shiver. My hand reached for the wall, to steady myself. The hot water ran over my skin like burning fingers. "Stop it." I said aloud. "Don't do this to yourself." I had to finish or I would run out of hot water. I picked up the soap, lathered the washcloth, and my skin tingled from the touch of the soapy cloth. As I dried myself, and my hair, I began to believe I could survive the evening.

I entered the kitchen, smiling at Mikal and Gram. "Did I miss dinner?" I said.

Mikal smiled back and said, "A little rest and a shower do wonders for the body on a hot day. Hope you don't mind if I used your bathroom."

"Ah, no, I don't mind," I lied. Mikal wore a clean white T-shirt and soft old blue jeans. They fit snuggly on his body, his muscles well defined underneath his T-shirt, once again accentuating his strength. I gasped at his bare feet on my kitchen floor. My insides were still mush.

Mikal saw my reaction, followed my gaze, and wiggled his toes. "All right to go barefoot? You can't take the country boy out of the man. Good thing I had the manners to wear a shirt in someone else's house."

Gran smiled at him. "This is San Diego, son. Most people only wear shoes to work, church, stores, and dress up occasions. Do you need anything else for this chicken?"

What would I have done if I'd seen his whole body? I've been at the beach hundreds of times and I've seen guys with only swim trunks, so why should Mikal's bare feet bother me? The air in the room was electric.

I could see Gram sensed my discomfort, but she tried to ignore me. "Mikal, this chicken's going to get up and walk away if it doesn't go into the pan soon, the grease is hot."

Mikal jerked with a start. "Yes Ma'am," He said. "Mikal's Kentucky chicken's ready to become the best you ever ate. Hanna, you even had my secret ingredient. You two will be in food heaven." The chicken sizzled in the hot grease. "It won't be long. Hanna, we should start the potatoes. I make great gravy, too. My grandma's the best southern cook in the world, no offense Hanna, and she taught me all her secrets. She said, 'If you can't get a girl with your good looks and charm, you can get her with your cookin'. When a woman sees a man in the kitchen and smells good food, she becomes putty in his hands.' My grandma's pretty smart."

Gram groaned and said, "I think the words are a bit thick in here. I hope your cooking is better than your philosophy."

"I'll go set the table," I said. I needed to get out of the kitchen, so maybe I could kill time polishing the dinnerware and glasses, but I still heard Mikal and Gram chattering in the kitchen.

Before I was done, Mikal came into the living room, which connected openly to the dining room. He sat on the big ottoman to put on his boots. He spoke, whether I was listening or not, "My Granny taught me to wear shoes to the supper table." He pulled up one pant leg, exposing the lower part of a well-muscled calf. He donned his sock, then his boot, slowly adjusting the laces and tying them. He repeated the process with the other boot.

The idea of male sexiness was new to me, the hat the other day, and now the boots. He stretched his legs to inspect his work, and said, "Ah, I'm civilized now. Granny would be proud of my manners." I clutched the silverware tightly as Mikal stood and approached me. "The table is beautiful. Supper's ready soon." He kissed my throbbing temple, turned, and went back to the kitchen, saying, "Mm, hair smells good."

He didn't hear me gasp or see that my eyes wouldn't focus. I had to regroup quickly to get through dinner.

The smell of fried chicken brought me back to my senses; then Gram called. "Suzy, come get the drinks, please."

Mikal was right, the chicken was juicy and tasty. Gram agreed and said, "Your grandmother taught you well. Can you become our permanent cook? What else do you make?"

Mikal liked to cook and he described his favorite recipes. I didn't say much except "sounds good" once in a while.

Gram brought an apple pie to the table, for dessert. "It's store bought," she said to Mikal. "How's your apple pie?"

"The best," he said. "Six inches high and so much juice; you need a spoon to eat them. The crust is flaky and golden brown. Granny taught me to make the crust. She won blue ribbons every year at the county fair."

Gram and I rolled our eyes as he bragged. His ego wasn't a weakness, at least not in the kitchen.

Mikal didn't miss our gestures and held up his hands in self-defense. "All right, all right, if I'm invited back to supper, I'll bring a pie." He pointed at Gram. "We'll have a contest."

Gram quickly shook her head. "No, I don't think so. The contest I mean. You're always welcome here with pie, Mikal."

"Thank you, Ma'am." Directing his words at me, he said, "I would like that, if the entire household approves."

I was polite with my reply. "Yes, you're always welcome, here, Mikal." Quickly, I rose from the table and said, "We need to clear the table." I busied myself stacking dishes.

Gram asked questioningly, "What's the rush?"

With a wink, Mikal reached over and patted my grandmother's hand, as if I wasn't in the room. "A little misunderstanding, I'll work on fixing the problem."

"You'd better. You could freeze ice cream in here," Gram said, stood, and began clearing the table.

Mikal sat still another minute watching me. His stare made me nervous; I wanted to read his mind. He stood and said, "Let me help; I made a bunch of this mess."

I resumed a downward glance. "Thanks," I said.

With my hands full, I retreated to the kitchen, leaving Mikal behind scratching his head and muttering, "Walk gentle on the eggs, boy; walk gentle on the eggs."

After cleanup was completed, Mikal said, "I need to go home to get some things done tonight. Hanna, thank you for the wonderful meal...and the company. Maybe we can do the guitar another night."

Gram hugged Mikal. "Thank you for all your work around here, Mikal, and you did most of the cooking. The chicken was wonderful."

Mikal approached me. "Walk me to the truck?"

Mikal winked at Gram as I turned to the door. Gram smiled and nodded. I didn't say anything; I just kept going.

Outside, Mikal said, "Suzy, if this is about the touch in the garage, I'm sorry. I over stepped my bounds, I'll be more careful."

I gazed into the sky. "That's only part of the problem."

Puzzled, he asked, "What else did I do? I wasn't near you the rest of the day."

I blinked to clear my misty eyes. "You invaded my space," I said.

"I did what?"

With anger flashing in my eyes, I wheeled to face him. "You invaded my space, Mikal. My privacy. Everyone uses the bathroom, but you're a man. You used my shower, my soap, my shampoo, and my personal things. No man's ever been in our house that way before."

Mikal was shocked. "Baby, I didn't know." He put his hands on my shoulders. "Back home where I was raised, we didn't have privacy." Mikal gently pulled me to his chest and hugged me. "Our houses are small, with one bathroom, if you're lucky. The kids shared the same bed until the boys were old enough to sleep on the porch. When you didn't have much, and relatives came, you shared everything. We took it for granted. 'Mi casa, su casa' as the Mexicans say." He held my head in his hands and tipped it back until he could look into my eyes. "I'm sorry I upset you, Suzy."

I blinked away another tear. "Mikal...I don't understand why I reacted the way I did in the garage. I thought we were only friends having a good time until you touched my cheek, and a shock wave went through me. I was trying to calm down when you took your shower, but when I went into the bathroom after you, I realized you used my most personal things. I felt stripped down and naked to the world. When I returned to the kitchen I was embarrassed." He held me and rubbed his hands over my back.

I became calmer, after talking about my reactions. His arms around me were soothing; his cheek rested on top of my head. Mikal spoke seriously, "I would never hurt you intentionally, Suzy. Don't ever forget, okay?" I nodded.

We stood close without talking. He finally gave me a quick, tight hug, and straightened. "I should go. See you at church tomorrow?"

"Yes and thanks for helping us. Dinner wasn't enough payment," I said.

Mikal smiled his slow, crooked grin. "We'll work on a repayment plan." He climbed into the truck, adjusted his cowboy hat on his head, and leaned out the window. He took my hand and squeezed. "You should know I saw your bedroom, but I haven't decided yet if the bed needs to be on the to-be-fixed list." Laughing, he pulled himself back into the truck, and hit the gas.

From the porch, I noticed Mikal stopped after he turned the corner, and sat, watching my house for several minutes. Even from half a block away, our gazes locked. I wondered what he was thinking. He removed his hat, wiped his forehead with the tail of his shirt, and readjusted the hat on his head. He glanced once more at my house, made a U-turn, and drove away. A strange sensation coursed through me, from my chest to below my stomach, like a void needing to be filled. I shrugged my shoulders and returned to the living room.

Gram asked, "Is Mikal gone?"

"Yes," I said, staring through the window, waiting for normalcy to return.

Gram seemed puzzled as I turned to face her. "Is anything wrong?" she said.

"I don't know. The weird feeling's gone now." I shrugged and said, "Dinner was great, Gram. I shouldn't have been in such a bad mood."

"Something to do with Mikal?"

I nodded. "Just a misunderstanding."

Gram shook her head. "You two sure have trouble understanding things," she said. I smiled in agreement. "Mikal was a big help around here," she added. "He's a nice young man. His southern manners, puppy-dog-brown eyes, and the hat make him enticing. So, does he have a problem?"

I sighed and said, "Yea, the southern manners, the drawl at the right times, the brown eyes, the hat, the cowboy boots, the voice, and the guitar... the body." I lifted my hands in the air. "And, I'm engaged to Jesse."

Gram cocked her head to one side. "Suzy, is the problem Mikal or Jesse?"

"Gram, I've been in love with Jesse since the eleventh grade. We've made promises to each other. I like Mikal; he's fun, but Jesse's not here. I believed Mikal and I could be friends."

"Suzy, listen to your heart. Only one man can live within you. Make sure the right one has the key to the door," Gram said.

Gazing through the front window, toward the end of the block where Mikal had been sitting in his truck, I wondered where such a weird sensation had come from earlier. My stomach tightened and I shivered. I thought to myself, Jesse's the one living in my heart. Why can't he be as considerate as Mikal?

Chapter 5

Wow, it's Wednesday already. I'm meeting Mikal at Binnie's after work for chicken dinner. I arrived first and Binnie said, "Howdy, you're alone, did Mikal chicken out? Ha, Ha, get it? Chicken.... out."

"Yea, Binnie, I understand. Have you been saving that one all day in case one of us was late?"

"Man-o-man, I can't put anything over on you." Binnie said. "So where's the big man?"

"Here he comes now," I said.

Mikal entered and asked me, "Been here long?"

"No, only a minute. Long enough for Binnie to say he thought you... chickened out." Mikal groaned and I yelled to Binnie, "Ha, ha, Binnie, I beat you."

Binnie came from the kitchen waving a knife. "You mean you stole my fun. It gets harder and harder to get in a good zinger. Sit up front, so I don't have to run my legs off. Dinner's almost ready. Coffee or soda?" We sat next to each other in a booth, and ordered sodas.

Binnie brought our drinks, but inspected us before leaving. "I see Mikal migrated to Suzy's side of the table. Something happen in the last week?"

Mikal cupped his hand behind his ear. "Eh? I'm a little hard of hearing. If I sit on this side, she won't have to yell across the table."

"Funny, very funny," Binnie said. "Watch yourself with this lady. I'm keeping an eye on you."

"I can handle things out here. You go keep an eye on the chicken. Remember, you're up against my Grandma," Mikal said with a laugh.

I chimed in about Mikal's cooking. "You're also up against Mikal's fried chicken. He cooked for Gram and me last Saturday."

Binnie started to leave, but stopped in his tracks and turned around, waving his finger at Mikal. "I knew something happened last week. She's not so dumb, though, her grandmother chaperoned, and what do you mean he cooked chicken? Couldn't wait for the chicken master?" Binnie said to me. "Missy, you'll have the best fried chicken in the world in about two minutes." He stomped to the kitchen.

It was early. Mikal and I were the only ones at Binnie's, so we had great service. True to his word, he was right back with two plates heaped with fried chicken, mashed potatoes, gravy, and beans, the way Mikal had requested. I teased Binnie. "I didn't know you could get food so fast here. It's even hot."

Binnie played hurt, putting his hands over his heart. "I work my fingers to the bone and all I get is sass. My Carrie and I are hurt. We give the best service in town, not the fastest, but the best. Now eat up and don't forget the compliments."

We ate some of everything while Binnie watched us. Mikal nodded his head. "Did your wife fry the chicken?"

"No!" Binnie said. "I do all the cooking, with Carrie's help. What do you think?"

Mikal licked his fingers. "It might not pass Kentucky standards, but this chicken is pretty good for California." Mikal turned to me. "You're the judge, Suzy. Who's king of the fried chicken, Binnie, or me?"

I held up both hands to fend off the question. "No, no," I said. "Don't make me choose. I can't win. You will hate me or Binnie will serve me charcoal. Find someone who doesn't have a stake in the decision."

Binnie flapped his arms like chicken wings. "Chicken!" He laughed at himself. "Got you again, but I got an idea. Why don't Mikal and I do a chicken cook off? I'll reserve next Sunday. Everyone can sample chicken, from both of us, and vote. The loser does all the dishes, and that's something, no one's ever cooked in my kitchen 'cept my Carrie."

Mikal hesitated; then said to Binnie, "Next Sunday might be too soon, it will take a lot of planning."

Binnie cackled. "Chicken?"

Mikal put his head in his hands and shook his head. "If I refuse, I'll come to hate that word. Okay, but let's plan for a week from Sunday. We need time to advertise and get supplies." Mikal said to me, "Suzy, could you and Carrie do the mashed potatoes and green beans? Should they vote on the beans?"

Binnie thought a minute. "No, only the chicken. It might get too confusing with too many rules."

I was troubled. "How many potatoes will we need to peel?"

Binnie took pity on me. "I'll splurge and get already peeled ones and already chopped onions for the beans, but we'll make our own gravy."

Binnie left us to take care of new customers. About half way through our meal, I commented on the chicken. "You have competition. This is good chicken."

Mikal nudged my arm with his elbow, and said, "Traitor!"

The next Sunday we met with Binnie after the lunch rush. "Hi, Binnie," I said, "we brought reinforcements. They can help with serving and cleanup. If we do this right, we should have a big crowd. You know Sara and Ken, Binnie." Sara was my best friend and Ken had been her boyfriend since high school, like Jesse and me. They both went to college locally and they were married now.

"Sure, I know them," said Binnie, "he's a Super Burger with fries and soda, and she's a Patty Melt with fries and root beer. All you people are in a rut," Binnie said. "I cook real food here, like pot roast, roast chicken, meat loaf, and lots more. You ot'ta look at a menu or, didn't they teach you kids to read? Have a seat at the big table in the back. I'll get the drinks. It's three sodas and a root beer, my treat."

We responded in unison. "Whoa, that's a first." "Binnie lost his mind." "You strike it rich, Binnie?" "He's scared of losing."

Binnie waved us off as we migrated to the table. "Ah, you kids don't know nothin'." We all laughed.

As promised, Binnie brought drinks. He served Sara and Ken last and said, "Hey you two, thanks for volunteering, 'cause we might need you."

Mikal slapped his hand on the table. "We will need you. Binnie will have so many people in here his head will swim. We told people at church this morning, and they can't wait to try my chicken."

Binnie stood, his hands on his hips, and said, "What do you mean, your chicken? Mine's the best in the State of California."

Mikal motioned him to sit. "Perhaps, but I'm trying to get a little enthusiasm going here. Have you ordered a sign for the front of the restaurant?"

"Yea, I'll pick it up tomorrow. It says, 'Come help Binnie beat Mikal'." He slapped his leg and laughed heartily.

"Yea, yea, yea, I'll bet a slice of Chewy Chocolate Cherry Cake on the outcome," Mikal said, and winked at me.

Sara didn't miss the wink. "What's that about?" She shifted her gaze between us.

I tried to avoid her comment, and said, "Nothing."

Binnie couldn't resist relaying the story. "Ha! First time in here together, they sat in the back, and ordered cake and ice cream. All they did was make puppy eyes at each other. Never touched the cake and the ice cream melted."

I was shocked, and chided him, "Binnie, you're not telling the truth, we weren't hungry."

Sara pushed. "Puppy eyes? What's going on, you two?"

I stared at the table. "Nothing's going on. We're friends." I asked Binnie, "What time do we start Binnie, before church lets out or about noon?"

Binnie scratched his head. "Well, I'm open for breakfast, so people are in all morning long. If we start too early, we will kill breakfast. How about 11:00 a.m.? Suzy and Mikal should miss church Sunday if we do this. Ken and Sara can come at noon. I will make a tip jar for the church's college fund. Maybe some of those kids will learn to read well enough, so they can read my menu."

We applauded Binnie and continued the meeting. As we finished our plans for the cook-off, and were ready to leave, Sara eyed us but left without a comment. I hoped Sara would forget about Mikal and me.

Chapter 6

Mikal and I went to the truck, where he stood, with his hands in his pockets and his hat pulled down in front to block the sun. "Are we ready for this big event?" he asked.

I peeked under the brim of his hat. "Are you ready? If Binnie beats you, you'll never hear the end of the chicken story."

Mikal chuckled and shrugged. "If he doesn't win, he will be a real grump," he said, then became quiet, starring at the ground. I couldn't see his face under the hat. "Sara kind 'a grilled you about me," he said.

"Yea, she did."

"You evaded her pretty well, Suzy. Will she give up?"

"No... not Sara," I said.

"Suzy, she's suspicious about our relationship. What will you tell her?"

"We're friends," I said.

Mikal raised the brim of his hat with a finger and examined me. "Are we only friends?"

I was becoming irritated. "Mikal, I've kept no secrets about Jesse and me. Right up front I told you about him. All we can be is friends."

Mikal focused on a faraway tree. "But I'm a guy. I don't think you're supposed to hang out with guy friends."

I turned to him and asked, "Why not? I have many friends, both male and female. Jesse's not here; am I supposed to join a monastery? You and I are seldom alone, except in a car going to some place where we are with people. Even at my house, Gram was present." I leered at him. "Mikal, we're just friends."

Mikal turned to face me with his arm over the side of his truck. He spoke softly, "What happened when I touched you in the garage? 'Just friends' don't react that way."

"We had a misunderstanding," I snapped.

"Ah, that word again," he said. "You can't deny it Suz; there's been something special between us from the first day we met."

I felt a flush of anger cross my face, and I replied emphatically, "Mikal, nothing happened. We're just friends."

Leaning closer, he said, "I don't understand how I can be 'just a friend', when you recoiled as if I jabbed you with a lightning bolt, after that simple touch on your cheek. You reacted because we felt electricity, that day and every day. What are the rules, Suzy?"

"Be my friend like you're friends with one of your buddies," I said.

"Suzy," Mikal said softly, "you're not one of my buddies. We're long past sharing a beer and a dart game in a smoky bar after work. You're an alluring, young woman who turns me on the second I think about you."

"I can't be, Mikal, I'm going to marry Jesse."

Mikal didn't move or speak further. He stood, leaning on the back of the truck, studying me. The hurt in his eyes made me nervous. I focused on the ground and moved dirt around with the toe of my shoe. "Maybe I should go home," I said.

Without further conversation, he opened the truck door, and motioned for me to get in. I climbed into the truck, without assistance from Mikal, and scooted to my side by the window. He drove to my house in silence.

I left the truck, where Mikal parked at the curb. "Thanks for the ride," I said.

Mikal didn't say a word and kept his eyes straight ahead. He adjusted his hat tighter on his head, and drove away.

I entered the house, glad to be alone, because I didn't want to answer questions about Mikal right now. I fixed a snack, changed clothes for the evening church service, and left before Gram arrived. I avoided the social hour, where we met two weeks before, so I drove around aimlessly. If Mikal wasn't at church, Sara might be, and I couldn't face another tirade of questions from her.

I went directly to the evening service and found a seat. I saved one next to me, in case, but Mikal never came. Periodically, I glanced at the empty seat, but forced myself to ignore his absence. I felt alone, I might have lost my new best friend. "Stop it," I whispered, then wondered if anyone had heard. I bowed my head and concentrated on the preacher's words.

After church, Mikal stayed on the far side of the room, but he glanced my way a few times. As he left, he stopped next to me and said, "I'm going to Binnie's, after church Wednesday night, to check on the plans for next Sunday. You're welcome to come, if you still want to help." He walked away before I could reply.

I left soon after Mikal, his taillights blinked red at the street when I reached my car, then he was gone. Tears blurred the traffic lights, as I drove home.

Gram wasn't home yet, thank goodness. I ran to my room, closed the door, flopped onto the bed, and sobbed into my pillow. Was Mikal right, had we become more than friends in the last two weeks? Why had Jesse gone off to school? If he were here, at a local school, I wouldn't have made friends with Mikal. Darn, nothing has happened... except that one touch.

I woke in the morning, still in my church clothes. I dressed for work and left before Gram woke, which wasn't unusual.

Mikal and I didn't sit together at church Wednesday night, but afterwards he approached me. "Would you like a ride to Binnie's and a ride home after the meeting?"

I hesitated before replying. "I have my car tonight, so I'll meet you at Binnie's." He nodded and walked away.

Mikal waited for me in Binnie's parking lot, and tried to make conversation before we went inside, "How's your week, so far?"

"Okay." My reply was cool and clipped.

Mikal glanced at me, a little surprised at the way I replied, so he avoided further conversation.

Sara, Ken, and Binnie were waiting at the back table, and all eyes watched Mikal and I walk toward them. Drinks were on the table. As we joined them, everyone was silent; the usual banter between the five of us was missing tonight. Binnie, Sara, and Ken glanced at each other with concern. I saw the expressions, took a big breath, and waited for someone to start the meeting.

Binnie cleared his throat, reviewed the plans, and everyone said they were ready. I grunted replies when asked a question. When he was satisfied we covered everything, he motioned for Sara and Ken to leave, which they did, avoiding Mikal and me.

Binnie stood with his hands on his hips; then leaned forward with both hands on the table. He glared at us. "You two get over whatever's eatin' you, cause I've spent a lot of money on next Sunday's do." He shook a finger at us. "You all ain't going to ruin this event." He walked to the front, put up the closed sign, and called to us, "I'm in the back cleaning up."

Mikal and I sat silently, with our hands folded in our laps, ignoring the others presence.

Still motionless, Mikal spoke first. "Binnie's right. We can't let him down."

"I agree," I said.

"We started this thing with Binnie; we need to find a way to finish," Mikal said.

"We?" Turning to Mikal, I tapped my chest with my finger. "I was sitting here, eating, when you and Binnie got into an argument about who made the best fried chicken. You and Binnie got into this macho fight, not me."

Silently, he peered into my eyes, for what seemed an eternity. Finally, he spoke, softly and seriously, "We were a team that night Suzy, only a week ago. What changed between us?"

His intensity begged for an answer, but I shook my head, and shrugged without a reply.

Mikal laid his arm across the back of my chair. "Suzy, I've never met anyone, boy, girl, man, or woman, who so attracted me, so completely, so quickly, and I don't mean just sexually, but as a person. We clicked from the first minute we met...Didn't we?"

I nodded, still staring into my lap, and said, "Yes, we did."

"Suzy, I don't want to lose you. You and Jesse may get married and live happily ever after. If I can only be your friend until them, I will cherish our time forever."

With tears in my eyes, my arms encircled Mikal's neck, and he held me.

"You are such a special person, Mikal," I said. "I didn't mean to hurt you, but you can't have false hopes of me leaving Jesse. It seemed you were backing me in a corner the other night. Our 'friendship' gets so intense at times I'm not sure if we're becoming more than friends, if so, I would betray Jesse."

Mikal wiped a tear from my cheek with a finger, and kissed the end of my nose. "I'll manage. I want to be your friend, if only for a year."

Mikal whispered in my ear, "Think Binnie has a piece of cake? I'm starving and you won't let me eat you." He lifted my arm from his shoulder and chewed on my finger.

The sensation was quick and unexpected, so I pulled my hand away and gently punched his shoulder. "Good idea," I said. "The way to a woman's heart is with chocolate."

With a grin on his face, Mikal went to the kitchen and returned with cake and ice cream.

"You only brought one fork," I said.

"Got it under control," he said as he balanced a chunk of cake and ice cream on his fork and fed me. "This way I can make sure you don't get more than half."

I laughed with my mouth full. "Creep," I said, trying not to lose any food. He continued to feed me, at times, pulling back the fork a second before putting it in my mouth. We laughed and renewed our playful friendship.

Loud noises came from the kitchen. "Binnie's trying to tell us to leave," Mikal said.

I agreed and we started toward the door. We said goodbye to Binnie, who was standing in the kitchen doorway. Mikal gave the thumbs up sign, and Binnie grinned in reply. We walked to the parking lot, with Mikal's hand on my shoulder.

Chapter 7

On Saturday, we stopped at Binnie's after the lunch rush to help with prep for the next day. Since Binnie ordered prepared foods, most of the prep could wait until Sunday morning. Binnie assigned Mikal a place to work across the room from him. "You stay on your side; I'll stay on mine. No peeking at what the other does. Understand?"

"Yes Sir." Mikal saluted Binnie. Binnie eyed Mikal, daring him to break the rules.

The banter between Binnie and Mikal continued all afternoon as they teased and jockeyed for top dog position. By evening, they had everything organized to their mutual satisfaction. Mikal extended his hand to Binnie and said, "May the best chicken cooker win!"

Binnie shook his hand. "Yea, me."

"We'll see, Binnie, what time tomorrow?"

"I'll be here at 6:00 a.m., in the morning, to get the kitchen opened," Binnie said. "You should begin cooking by 9:00 a.m. Carrie and Suzy can start the potatoes and beans."

"Okay, we'll be here by 7:00 a.m.," said Mikal.

Mikal took me home. On the way, we stopped for hamburgers and chatted about what we expected for the next day. Mikal dropped me off and said he would be back at 6:30 a.m.

True to his word, Mikal arrived at my house on time.

Climbing into the truck, yawning, I complained, "I didn't get my morning coffee."

"Binnie will have some brewing before we arrive," Mikal said. "You ready for this?"

"Are you, Mikal? It's your big day."

"I hope so. I'm getting nervous now," Mikal said.

After we parked at Binnie's, Mikal lifted a large box from the back of the truck. He shrugged and grinned. "More secret ingredients."

I rolled my eyes. "This is getting too serious."

New containers filled the cooler, from both Mikal and Binnie. Binnie tried to go in and Mikal blocked the door, shaking his finger at Binnie. "No peeking!"

Binnie eyed Mikal and pushed him aside. "It's my cooler. Out'a my way."

We busied ourselves with our chores. At 9:00 a.m., Binnie faced Mikal at the stove. "Good luck, but the master's gonna show you southern boys how to do chicken."

Mikal chuckled. "We'll see what the people think after the vote."

The tension rose in the kitchen as we approached opening. All the helpers arrived and I directed them to their posts, as a line was forming outside. Binnie closed for breakfast, so people who hadn't known about the cook-off returned ready to eat.

At 11:00 a.m., Binnie came to the front door. People entered and he called for Mikal to come from the kitchen. "Some of you people don't know Mikal. He's a smart, young upstart, from Kentucky, who thinks he can out-cook me. I'm gonna show him who's boss here, right?"

A cheer went up. Binnie led a chant. "Binnie, Binnie, Binnie."

Mikal tried a chant. "Mikal, Mikal, Mikal." Not many people knew him, so the chant was weak. Binnie was grinning and nodding with pleasure.

Binnie laughed at Mikal. "Let the contest begin!" The customers cheered. Binnie waved at everyone and pushed Mikal into the kitchen. "Come on plowboy, now you're going to see what work is."

Sara began taking money and sent them on to Ken, who gave out the tickets and explained the rules. Each person would receive two pieces of chicken, one with a blue toothpick, and one with yellow. People voted by dropping a ticket into a blue or yellow can.

Plates of food began appearing on the serving counter and a buzz of conversation filled the room.

As the day progressed, you could hear shouts, "Yellow's best," or "Blue's best." Binnie chuckled at the fun, nudged Mikal, and said, "This is what it's all about."

When church let out, business picked up, and at 2:00 p.m., we were afraid we might run out of food, but business slowed by 2:30 p.m. They finished cooking the chicken by 3:00 p.m., and we stayed open until it was gone. Binnie put up the closed sign and served the last of the chicken. "Whew, we had a work out today." He raised his hands to us. "Thanks, kids, today's gotta be our best day ever."

We all clapped and cheered for Binnie. He bowed in appreciation. He went over to Mikal and shook his hand. "Good job, kid. I was a little worried when we first started this, but you came across."

Mikal beamed. "Thanks, Binnie, that's a real compliment. I'm glad everything went well, however the vote comes out. You noticed no one died from my cooking?"

"Not yet, anyway." Binnie inspected the coffee cans containing the tickets. "When we gonna count the tickets, and who's gonna count them? We don't want any shenanigans."

Mikal stood between Binnie and the cans to stop him from picking them up. "Maybe Suzy and Carrie should count them together, so we have even representation."

Binnie eyed Mikal. "What makes you so sure Suzy is on your side? She's known me longer than you." Binnie poked Mikal in the chest as he talked.

Mikal asked me, "Well?"

I narrowed my eyes in thought. "Hmm." I moved to Mikal's side and put my arm around his waist. "I'll stick with my new, best friend, and I didn't vote...I didn't have time." I shook my finger at Binnie. "You worked me to death. I'll never work in a restaurant."

The helper crew came inside and more people came to the door. Binnie tried to wave them off. "We're closed, the chickens gone."

They came for the official count. "When're you gonna begin?" someone shouted.

Binnie glanced at the clock and scratched his head. "Well the food is gone. Make sure everyone who's eating has voted."

Ken checked the remaining customers and saw the plates were empty. He told them they had five minutes to vote.

Binnie was antsy. He called to the kitchen, "Carrie, come out here." She emerged, wiping her hands on a towel. "You and Suzy will count the votes." He announced loudly, "Last chance to vote! Five, four, three, two, one, closed." One man put two tickets in each can just in time. "No commitment huh? All right, which can is first?" Binnie said.

Mikal volunteered. "I'm the challenger, do mine first." Binnie agreed.

Carrie and I dumped the tickets from Mikal's can. We put them in piles of twenty-five. His total was 145.

I said to Binnie, "That's a lot. How much chicken did we have?"

Binnie wiped his forehead, and shook his head. "The count's gonna be close. I figured about 300 servings, but I'm not sure."

Carrie and I began counting Binnie's tickets. As we neared Mikal's total, I hid tickets in my hand so no one could tell how many remained. Slowly and deliberately, I counted them. Binnie shifted back and forth on his feet. "140...141.... 142.... 143.... 144" I peeked into my closed fist and took out one more ticket. "145... we have a tie, so far. Do I have one more?"

Binnie waived his arms. "Come on, come on, I'm gonna die from a heart attack."

I waived my closed hand at Binnie. I slowly opened my hand and found eight more tickets. Binnie hooted, jumped up and down, and punched the air with his fist.

Everyone shouted and applauded, including Mikal. I hugged Binnie and gave him a big kiss on the cheek. Binnie beamed.

Mikal waited until the group settled down, but he smiled and laughed through the whole celebration. Mikal savored his turn. He approached Binnie slowly and took his hand. "Congratulations. Seems like the second best man won." Mikal grinned.

"No way, the best man won!" shouted Binnie.

"Okay, the best man won." Mikal pumped Binnie's hand. "We had fun, but no rematch. I'll take the count as official."

Binnie grinned at Mikal and pulled him into a big bear hug. Binnie let go and hopped around again; then hugged Carrie and gave her a big kiss. After it was quiet, he glanced at Mikal. "The loser has to do one more thing for the winner."

"What's that?" asked Mikal.

Binnie reached behind the counter and brought out a rolled sign. He opened it and read it. "Eat at Binnie's. The best chicken in the USA." Binnie handed the sign to Mikal. "You must hang this on the front of my restaurant."

Mikal agreed. He brought a ladder from the back and we all met outside to hang the official sign. Binnie supervised the job. He acted like he never had a better day in his life.

Chapter 8

At the truck, after cleanup, Mikal hugged me, picking me up off the ground shaking me.

"Hey, you're crushing me. Put me down." I was gasping in air after setting on my feet.

"I had the best time today, Suzy. Did I say thanks for helping and being a part of our contest?"

"About a million times, but you're welcome," I said. "I had fun, but we didn't eat much today, even though we were surrounded with food. Are you hungry?"

"I'm starved." Mikal rubbed his stomach.

"Do we eat or go to church?" I asked.

Mikal pulled the bottom of his shirt away from his body for inspection. "I'm too dirty for church and we don't have enough time to get cleaned up. Let's find food...but not fried chicken. I don't want to touch chicken for a long time."

"How about chicken pie? That place is close by," I asked.

"No-o-o... no chicken of any kind," he said. He helped me into the truck and we exited the parking lot. "Beef is pretty far from chicken."

I thought a minute. "Fish is farther away; not even on land."

"Fish wins," said Mikal, slapping the steering wheel. "Is Harbor Village okay?"

"No," I said, "I'd like to take you to a special place where my Uncle Ed and I go. It's at the sports fishing docks, past the Naval Center, where the boats come in from their day trips. We can buy sandwiches from the fresh fish market."

"What's the name?"

"Ah...," I thought. "I don't know. We just say... the fish market. I was so young when we first went there I didn't care about the name."

"What's the specialty?" Mikal asked.

"My uncle and I like the squid sandwiches."

Mikal wrinkled his nose. "Squid?"

"Yea, Calamari," I said. "You were in the Navy; didn't you eat food from the ocean?"

"We ate steak, hamburgers, meat loaf, and chicken. Ugh, I don't want to say that word, but it was real food, man food." He raised his arm and flexed his muscle.

I felt his flexed arm. "Mussels are on the menu too, from the sea."

"No-o-o, how about regular fish and chips? We south'n boys don't eat exotic stuff. We eat normal food."

"They serve squid and chips, too." I couldn't keep from grinning.

Mikal stuck out his tongue and shook his head. "Ugh."

I laughed as I gave final directions to the fish market. Inside, I pointed to the menu and waited for Mikal to decide. I always ordered the squid sandwich.

Mikal rubbed his chin. "I don't see catfish."

"No, probably not, this is sea food, from the ocean, not rivers and lakes."

"Hum." He adjusted his hat. "Ain't no fish market without cat. Hope they use regular fish in the fish and chips. If so, it ot'ta be okay."

We ordered, picked up our drinks, and I led Mikal outside where I sat on the sea wall.

He scrutinized our surroundings, and said, "Suzy, the restaurant has nice tables and chairs inside."

I patted the sea wall for him to sit down. "We have more ambience out here. You can hear the sound of the waves lapping on the beach, and watch the boats and the fishermen bringing in their catches. This is San Diego."

He peered skyward, and said, "And dive bombing seagulls. I'm glad my hat's on. They better not hit it, or I'll get my shot gun, then we'll eat seagull and chips."

I laughed at him. "You can't imagine what they eat. You won't want to eat one." I pointed to a bird who was gulping down a small paper cup with left over tartar sauce inside. "Watch him. They're garbage pits," I said.

"Ugh! How can an animal eat like that?" Mikal asked.

"What do your farm animals eat? I hear pigs and goats eat anything."

Mikal bobbed his head back and forth. "Yea, it's mostly true. And I've stepped in more cow poop than any seagull can get on me."

They announced our number and Mikal went to get our food. He settled himself, and I forced him to taste my squid sandwich.

"It's a little chewy, but not bad," he said. "With enough sauce anything might be okay." I punched his arm and he feigned pain.

"So what's the weirdest food in Kentucky?" I asked.

"We don't eat weird food, just good home cookin'. The best is a big juicy catfish you just caught, breaded in cornmeal, and fried over an open camp fire." Mikal's faraway expression spread across his face. He shook his head to get back to the present. "Ever eat catfish?" he asked.

"No, I don't think so."

"Hmm, I'll find a place that does good fried cat," he said, "fried okra, hush puppies, coleslaw, an' a piece of mud pie. Maybe out in the East County. That's redneck land."

"Hey, Mikal," I said, "you're going to have to bring a dictionary when you talk about home. I've had okra and can do without it. What are hush puppies, mud pie, and red necks?"

He gawked at me in shock. "Lady, you don't know anything about the world, do you?" He patted me on the head. "Poor baby, you're so deprived."

I slapped his hand away from my head. "Just tell me what they are."

"Whoa...Touchy." He shook his hand as if I hurt him. "Hush puppies are little balls of cornmeal dough, deep fried to a golden brown. While they're still hot, you break one open and spread a dollop of butter on the warm inside, watch it melt, and gobble it down. The thought makes my mouth water."

"Okay I can do those," I said.

"You'd like mud pie," he said. "It's a pie made from whipped cream mixed with chocolate ice cream or pudding and covered with chocolate sauce."

"Yep, I can handle chocolate, for sure," I said. "What are red necks?"

He giggled and grinned. "Think of an ol' boy in overalls, with a torn knee, drinking from a Mason jar, a canning jar." I nodded I understood. "He's wearing a ragged straw hat, old boots, and a long sleeve plaid shirt under the overalls. He has no use for fancy clothes, because he has nowhere to go except the local country store. He might have one suit for church, weddings, and funerals. He talks in a drawl so slow, he takes five minutes to say 'Howdy, son'. His yard is full of trash and bailing wire holds things together. He's in no hurry to get anything done, 'cause if tomorrow doesn't come, then it doesn't matter. He drives a rusty old truck and probably has a lazy old hound dog asleep on the porch." He leaned forward with his elbows on his knees, his usual pose when reflecting inwardly. He removed his hat and pushed it on again. "I suppose I'm talking about me and my kin folk back home. The difference is I own new things that look good, and work...and I'm friends with a pretty, city girl, who wants to feed me squid." He gazed at the boats. "Huh, I forget how much I miss it. You don't have a slow, lazy river here, for fishin'."

I pointed at the water. "Our huge lake, called an ocean, has more fish than all your rivers put together."

He laughed. "Haulin' ass on one of those big fishin' boats is not the same as laying under a tree barefoot, on a hot summer day. Your fishin' line's in the river, waiting for the big one to come by. Doesn't matter if you catch a fish; it's the fishin' that matters."

I rubbed his back, and asked, "Do you have family here?"

"I have an old aunt. She came years ago with her husband, but he died and she stayed. She lives in a senior's home not far from us." Suddenly Mikal sat up straighter and said to me, "Hey, you ought to come with me some time. I take my guitar on Thursday nights to entertain the old folks. They love the silly songs I sing. I visit my aunt, too. We'll get Sara and Ken to come. Sara can play the piano, Ken can bring his banjo, and you can sing with us. I can't next Thursday, but the week after.

"Sounds like fun," I said as I shivered. The fog was creeping toward us and the air cooled. "We should go."

Mikal wouldn't come in the house when he dropped me off. "I smelled like fried chicken before, now I smell like fried chicken and rotting fish," he said. He held my hand and kissed my fingertips. "Thanks for today. Each minute got better."

"You're welcome, Mikal. I had a wonderful time." We exchanged smiles and I went into the house.

Gram was awake, so I filled her in on the events of the day. I went to sleep easily, but dreamed of chickens chasing me.

Chapter 9

Mikal met Sara, Ken, and me at Balboa Gardens, the senior home, near the San Diego Zoo. The smell of animals was in the air, but maybe the old folks weren't aware of it. Mikal brought his guitar and Ken brought a banjo and a harmonica.

As we went through the door, the residents clapped and yelled at Mikal's arrival. He performed a flourishing bow. "Thank you all. I brought friends tonight. Sara plays the piano, Ken with his banjo, and Suzy sings like a bird." Mikal led us to a threesome; I was closest to him. "Friends, this is my Aunt Sally, my grandfather's sister. Her buddies are Bill and Lester."

From the side of the room we heard, "And I'm Rosie LaRue, from Biloxi, Mississippi, M-I-S-S-I-S-S-I-P-P-I, and don't you forget." She waived a gnarled old finger at us while she spoke, accentuating every letter as she spelled the word.

Mikal led us to the others, and finally to the withered, old lady in the wheel chair. "Miss Rosie, please meet my friends Sara, Ken, and Suzy." As he said my name, he put his hand on my shoulder and smiled at me.

Sara and Ken said, "Glad to meet you, Miss Rosie."

Before I could reply, Rosie motioned me to her side with her crooked finger. She nodded her head toward Mikal. "You love him?"

I was shocked and embarrassed, so I shrugged my shoulders. "Mikal is my friend. I have a boyfriend who's away at college. His name is Jesse."

Miss Rosie took my arm and pulled me to her, so she could whisper in my ear. "Mikal good man. In love wid you. In eyes when he look at you. Don' love him now, you will. Mark my word!"

Her words stunned me. I stood, backed away, and said, "Yes Ma'am. It's a pleasure to meet you." I didn't know what else to say. She had one bad eye, but I was sure she could see into my soul with the good one.

Mikal rescued me and took the four of us to the piano. "Now, ladies and gentlemen, if we have any, we haven't rehearsed, so we'll make do with church songs we all know. If you're nice to them, they'll come back and we can plan some livelier music." Mikal suggested three songs we knew, and we sang to the group. Everyone, except Miss Rosie, clapped and hooted after each song. Each of us in turn, performed a solo. Mikal moved to the center of the floor and sat on a stool. "Now let's have some fun." He did several cute little ditties that made the group laugh. Two of them he made up as he went, because for each, someone yelled out a command. "Sing a lion song." "Sing about a donkey in a tree."

We took turns joining Mikal. Ken and Mikal battled a dueling banjo song. He asked Sara to play ragtime. He and I sang a duet, and finally, to end the show, he crooned a love song to me. I pretended to be enamored as Miss Rosie clapping in rhythm. Until that song, she hadn't moved, and she made me uncomfortable.

We left, but I remained silent. "You're awfully quiet, Suzy. They're great people. Didn't you have fun?"

"Who's Miss Rosie, Mikal? She makes me nervous."

"Ah, don't mind her. She's an old lady living in another world. Being from Biloxi, she thinks she's a shaman, so she puts little spells on everyone, but she's harmless." He peeked at me from the corner of his eye, while he drove. "What did she say to you, Suzy?"

I was hesitant to repeat her words, but told Mikal, "She said you loved me, and if I didn't love you now, I would later."

"Hmm, not a bad idea," he said.

Silently, I leered at him, and then changed the subject. "Sara, Ken, and I ate hamburgers before we met you. Did you eat?

"Yes, do you want anything or just go home?"

"Home's okay," I said. Rosie's words upset me, not so much, what she said, but her attitude was so positive. Mikal and I come to an understanding of our friendship, and love would be a complication.

Arriving at my house, and he asked, "Will you go back with me next week? Those folks love you, and I'll try to get Ken and Sara to join us again."

"Sure," I said. "We should find songs we all know. Kid's songs would be fun. They liked your songs, did you make them up?"

"Yea, I've been creating dumb songs since I was a kid, because the girls laughed." He ducked his head and adjusted his hat. He behaved shyly talking about himself. "Well, good night, Suzy. We'll make final arrangements next Wednesday, at church."

The next week when we arrived at Balboa Gardens, Miss Rosie barely paid any attention to us. She sat, slumped in her wheelchair, by the far wall. I decided Mikal was right about her being a harmless, old lady.

Chapter 10

It was a warm, lazy Saturday for a change, so I told Gram I would be at the park, across the street, where the shade was comfortable. I noticed a red truck like Mikal's, but it didn't stop. I laughed at myself; San Diego must have more than one red truck.

I grinned as I remembered the silly little songs Mikal sang at Balboa last Thursday; he made people happy. Rosie hadn't acknowledged we were alive, except when Mikal sang. I wondered if the seniors or I had more fun.

"Fancy meeting you here," a voice said. I spun around to see Mikal standing near me with a big bag in one hand and his guitar case in the other hand. "Trying to stay cool?" he asked.

"Yes, the weather is beautiful this time of year, but when isn't it in San Diego? It's especially nice in the winter when the rest of the world is freezing." I laughed at the thought, "The temperature drops to 45 degrees at night, once or twice in January."

Mikal sat on the bench next to me. He tipped his hat back on his head to observe me. "Have you lived, or visited any place in the winter, where they have snow and ice?"

"The church has a camp by the lake," I said. "As teens, we'd go on the church busses, for a winter weekend, each year. Twice we actually saw snow. That's it for this Southern California girl."

Mikal shook his head and laughed at me. "You're deprived if you haven't experienced an ice storm, where ice droplets rain from the sky like a million BB pellets. Ice sticks to the trees, power lines, fences, roofs, everything. The last winter I was home, we experienced the worst ice storm in written history. The limbs of the big trees broke; they snapped off, and some split in half, right down the center. Power lines fell, roofs caved in, and we couldn't drive for days because the roads were thick with ice. The electric power was out for weeks for some people and many didn't have a fireplace. During the storm, in the middle of the night, we ventured outside. It was eerily quiet except for the cracking of branches breaking, like firecrackers going off. Sparks flew when a transformer blew out on a nearby power pole. Devastation covered parts of six states, no one escaped. Months later, they were still cleaning up the debris from fallen trees. I'll take San Diego over Kentucky winters."

The damage he described amazed me, and I said, "I wouldn't like an ice storm, but a white Christmas once, would be nice."

Mikal gazed at the ground and laughed. "A white Christmas isn't all it's cracked up to be either. It's beautiful, but if it snows several inches Christmas Eve, you can't get out of the driveway to go anywhere. Families get together on Christmas, so if Santa left the presents at Grandma's house, the kids won't have Christmas. The older ones understand it will happen later, but the little ones think Santa forgot them."

"Well, maybe I'll be chicken and stay here forever," I said. "What's in the bag?"

"Speaking of chicken...again," he said, "I ordered chicken sandwiches from the deli, complete with potato salad, coleslaw, and drinks. Hope you like picnics. Your grandmother told me you were here, so I brought lunch." He peeked in the bag. "Oh good, they gave us forks, but oops, they left out paper plates. We'll share from the containers, and I promise not to give you cooties."

After we ate, Mikal brought out his guitar. He played, and sang happy songs and love songs. Kids were nearby on the playground, so he began singing children's songs. They came with their mothers and sang with Mikal. He asked their names and made up verses using each one. Next, he asked what animals they liked at the zoo and made songs. Mikal smiled and waved as the kids left. I suspected he would be a great father when he has kids of his own.

He began strumming softly. "You should learn to play the guitar, Suzy."

"I've never tried. Is it hard?"

"Naw," he said, "glancing at me with his eyes twinkling. "Not if you have the right teacher."

"You know one?" I asked.

"I might," he said, and resumed his slow strumming. "Think you could do this?"

"I don't have a guitar," I said.

"Want to try mine?" he asked.

"Right now?"

"Why not?" he asked. "Everyone's gone so you have no audience to make you nervous."

I gently touched his guitar. "But, she's your baby. I wouldn't want to bruise her."

"Oh, she's pretty tough." He took the strap off his shoulder. "Right handed, right?"

"Not left, right."

"Ooh," he groaned. "Come on, this is serious business."

"Okay, show me what to do, I said."

Mikal made strumming motions with the pick; then handed the guitar to me. "Now, do that on the strings without making any cords, and feel the rhythm." He chuckled as I messed up. "No, no. Follow me." He strummed air and I kept in time with him, but when he stopped, I blew it.

Mikal straddled the bench, and took hold of my shoulders. "Turn around with your back to me," he said pulling me backwards, until I was nestled against his body. He leaned over my shoulder, put his hand over mine holding the pick in my fingers, and strummed my hand on the strings. When he thought I mastered it, he let go. "Now you're catching on. Keep up the rhythm. They write many songs with four beats to the bar, and that's what you play on the strings to make the rhythm, the cords make the song." He bobbed his head with my strumming. "For now, that's all you're going to do."

"How long do I have to do this?" I asked.

"Practice, practice, practice, my dear," he said as he thumped the back of my head, with his finger. "You think I'm pretty good?"

"Yes," I replied.

"I am, because I practice almost every day," he said. I keep the radio on in the car, listening to new music. I study it, go home, and work on the new song. You can't stop practicing or everything turns to rust." He shook me lightly by the shoulders and talked right into my ear. "Big, thick, crusty rust."

"Yuck!" I cringed. "Come on, show me some cords."

"Here, I'll play them first," Mikal said, and pulled me closer. He removed his hat, and carefully set his most treasured possession on the bench near us. I grinned as I watched him. He managed to reach around the guitar and me, played a few cords, and strummed the strings. His hot breath tickled my ear as he spoke. "Those are cords you will use all the time."

"Is this how you teach all your students?"

"What?" he asked.

It was difficult to see him, since I was captured in his arms. "Do you always give lessons with your arms around your students, including the guys?" I asked.

He chuckled softly. "Naw, only the ones who need special attention."

"So I'm not doing so hot?"

"You're hot all right," he said.

"That's not what I meant, but if I'm hot, it must the body heat and the sun. Now, let me try some cords."

He helped me do the cords. "Do you know the alphabet song? A-B-C-D-E-F-G," he sang.

"Of course."

"Now sing, as you do the cords. Change the cord like the song changes," he said, as he showed me the cord to use with each letter. Soon I was singing and playing the ABC song. "Great, now you know your first song."

"Cool. Enough for today?" I asked.

Mikal punched me lightly on the shoulder, and said, "No! I'm a slave driver. Play the same cords and sing the same tune, but sing the name of the cords instead of the alphabet. It doesn't do any good to play cords if you don't know what they are."

I practiced the cords and when I learned them, Mikal patted me on the shoulder. "Excellent student. Practice the song and the cords every day."

"I don't have a guitar," I said.

"Just practice in air tonight," Mikal said. "I'll bring one of my old guitars tomorrow and show you how to tune it. They get bad fast this close to the ocean, because humidity and wood don't mix well. Keep practicing, and next Thursday you can play at Balboa."

"Oh no, you're going to have me on stage so soon? Am I really good?" I asked.

He laughed at me. "Well, the old folks don't hear well, so it doesn't matter." In response, I pretended to hit him with the guitar, but he rescued it and put it away for protection.

Mikal honed his skills. "How long have you played?" I asked.

"Can't remember when I didn't have a guitar," he said. "The first one my grandfather gave me was almost bigger than me. Papa Joe, my grandfather, showed me a few cords and turned me loose. I played every day. I imitated the guitar players I heard on the radio, and became pretty good. Bud, an ol' local boy, who had a bum leg from the war, sat on a bench outside the hardware store in town. He played his old beat up guitar, but it sounded like a Stradivarius, if there was such a thing as a Stradivarius guitar. He didn't work, so he played and sang for tips. One day I took my guitar into town to show him what I taught myself. Bud turned me on to music. Ol' Bud taught me how to finger classical and jazz. I went into town as often as I could sneak away from my chores at the farm. If I couldn't get to town, I listened to the old country songs on the radio, to learn something new to show Bud. He's gone now, but he must be the head of God's band in heaven."

"Wow," I said. "One mentor can change a life. Have you played professionally?"

"I've played in little clubs and bars, but the money's not enough to make a living. The Navy wanted me to join their band instead of going into computers, but computer skills provided a better future. The Jug is a little club, out in the East County, where I play on Saturday nights sometimes."

"When do you sleep?" I said. "You work, practice guitar, attend church Sunday and Wednesday, and entertain at Balboa on Thursday."

"I go to school on Monday and Tuesday to get my computer certification, but only for one more month." He waived his hands in the air for glee. "No use going to bed, because I get lonely and can't sleep. Maybe company would help."

I replied seriously, "You need a roommate. You're so close to down town; you should be able to find one." Mikal grinned and chuckled softly, and I realized I missed the point.

"Want to come with me to the club to hear me play and sing?" he asked.

"Can't, I'm not 21 yet," I said.

"Hmm, I can ask if you could sing with me as part of the act. We sounded good together at the senior center."

I shook my head. "Gram and Jesse wouldn't like me going out to bars."

He sighed heavily. "I can handle Hanna, but you need to decide what's right with Jesse. Hanna could go with us as chaperone. She's over 21."

"Yea sure," I said, "when we have snow in San Diego."

Mikal squinted. "Hanna in a bar?" He shook his head and said, "Probably not, huh?"

I fanned myself and commented on the heat since we were in the sun now. "Speaking of snow, we don't have any here today. The temperature must be over 90º, should we go to the house?"

"You don't have air conditioning, at your house, so we might as well stay here. I have a blanket in the truck. We can rest in the shade of the tree where it's cooler." Mikal retrieved the blanket and spread it under a tree.

"We may have to move again as the sun moves," I said, and reached under the blanket to pull out a stick and poked Mikal. "So, why are you here today, Mikal?

"I told you, I get lonely, so I went to find my best friend," he said.

"Who's that? I haven't met any of your friends yet," I said.

"You're my best friend, I hope," he said, smiling at me. "There's no one I'd rather be with. Oh, I have buddies, but I'm more comfortable with you. I can be a farm boy from Kentucky when I get home sick, or a city boy who lives like everyone else here. I don't worry what you think, and if I'm happy or melancholy, you accept me, as me."

"Thank you, Mikal. I'm proud to be your friend. I'm comfortable being with you. My inside thoughts are usually private, but I want to share them with you. I believe you truly care about what I think and feel, and now you're a part of my life. How did we become soul mates so fast?"

His crooked grin played around his mouth. "When I bumped into you that night at church and looked into those pretty blue eyes, I saw the most captivating person in the world. We felt a special relationship immediately." Mikal lay on his side propped on one elbow and I was on my stomach. "I'm glad we're alone," he said. "You don't want us to appear that we're dating, and we're not, we only go places with people, except now. Does Jesse know about me?"

I stared at the blanket. I loved being with Mikal, but I was having difficulty handling our closeness. "No, I haven't mentioned you yet, and he hasn't told me about his new friends, either. I imagine some are girls." I kept my eyes focused downward. "We, you and I, aren't dating, Mikal. We hang out, but I think we have something special between us; we're more than 'buddies.'" I paused and studied his face. "I want to be honest with you, Mikal. I'm uncertain where the line is with our more than casual relationship, or where we intrude on my intentions to be true to Jesse."

We were both pensive as we silently gazed into each other's eyes. I didn't understand the tightness in the pit of my stomach, or the reason my breathing quickened. I only felt these tingles thinking about Mikal.

Mikal gently rubbed the side of my arm with the back of his fingers. When he finally spoke, he barely spoke above a whispered. "I told you when we first met, if I saw an opening I would take it, and I mean that more than ever right now. You have plans with Jesse, but I have plans of my own. Somehow, some day, my plans are going to win."

Moving closer to me, Mikal rolled me onto my back. He put his arm across my body and held me lightly. He brushed the tip of my nose with his fingertip, then my mouth. "I want you to know how much I care about you. I'm only going to do this once, but when the time comes that it's right for more, you let me know." He moved me closer to him, until we were face-to-face and body-to-body. Softly, he stroked my cheek and slowly he leaned down to kiss me. Testing my reaction, our lips barely touched at first and I didn't resist, but gradually the kiss blossomed, until a fire ignited between us. Bolts of lightning arced through my body. I was holding Mikal as tightly as he was holding me, as I felt our bodies meld together closer than I thought possible. Lips met lips; tongues met tongues, and soon the passion was building until it possessed me and I soared to a place I had never been. I burned and quivered inside, I could explode. I didn't know a kiss could do this to me. Mikal's hand began moving slowly and deliberately over my back and shorts. He lifted his leg over my legs, pulling me beneath him, engulfing me in his arms and legs. His mouth was devouring mine.

Panic struck and I broke away, struggling from his hold, until I sat upright, gasping for air. My heart was beating so hard, my chest could have burst. I wanted more of Mikal, but I wanted to run. I wasn't trapped, but I couldn't move. I was in ecstasy, yet ashamed at the same time, because we crossed the line I feared. I wanted to scream for joy, but I was near tears for my weakness, letting Mikal go where Jesse was not allowed. I feared where we were headed and guilt overcame me. My head spun; I couldn't stand to run home, so I collapsed onto the blanket.

Mikal rolled forward and lay facing the blanket, panting, with one arm bent over his head. After I recouped a little, I turned to face him, with my arm across his back and my head resting on his shoulder. "Was that why we're only supposed to hold hands at church and not make out in cars?"

"Yea! That and more," he said, gasping for air. He remained on his stomach with his eyes closed. I could feel his heart thudding through his back, racing as fast as mine.

"Mikal?" I said. No answer, so I tried again. "Mikal?" Still no answer. "Mikal, talk to me, did I do something wrong?"

He chuckled softly. "No baby. You did it too right." He didn't move. I didn't know what to think or do. I ran my hand slowly over his back. He pulled away, but still didn't raise his head. "You'd better go home, Suzy. I need to get myself together. I think the atom bomb hit me."

"I've never felt like that, Mikal. Is that what happens when...?" I was close to tears, realizing how close I had been to betraying Jesse and all he meant to me. "Mikal, I can see you're upset, but I need to talk to you. I don't understand."

"Please Suzy; I need to be alone awhile. We'll talk later. We need to talk, but later."

I didn't understand why we couldn't talk now. Why wouldn't Mikal look at me? I tried rubbing his back, but he pulled away again, so I stood and slowly walked to the house. Before I crossed the street, I glanced back, but Mikal didn't moved. When I entered the house, Gram started to speak, but stopped and eyed me strangely. I said, "Hi," retreated to my room and closed the door. I lay on the bed and pushed my head into the pillow to shut out the light. Those intense cravings, below by stomach, were still gnawing at me. Jesse's kisses never set me on fire, nor had his touches made my blood boil, but then, I always fought him off at the first hint of intimacy. Why did I respond so easily and openly to Mikal's kiss? I wanted to run back to the park to have Mikal hold me, but he didn't want me with him. I needed to talk to him as much as I needed him to touch me.

Had my world just begun with Mikal and ended with Jesse?

Chapter 11

Mikal's body ached as he lay on the blanket after Suzy fled. The feel of Suzy in his arms and against his body was fresh, the nerve endings raw where she touched him. He'd been with girls and women before, but he never experienced the intensity of mutual emotions as quickly, and naturally, as from their kiss.

His body and senses must settle down before standing was possible. He certainly hadn't wanted a discussion of the male anatomy, with Suzy, in the public park, or display his reaction to her.

By the time he arrived home his head was spinning. What was he going to do about this young lady who was engaged and in love with another man? He couldn't watch her go to Jesse without a fight; but how, without driving her away? Facing her today was impossible. If he was alone with her so soon, he might not be able to control himself. He sent her away when she needed to talk, but he needed time to cool off, and she needed to know he wasn't mad at her.

He paced his living room floor. He took a beer to his deck, overlooking the harbor; this seemed to be his place of refuge. The reflection of the city lights on the water of the bay was the most beautiful site he had ever seen. His heart ached, his body screamed for Suzy, and he desperately wanted to share his life with her. He lived in a city of a million people, but only one mattered.

He went to sleep after midnight, having dreams about insane sexual acts. He woke before sunrise on Sunday, grinning, and thinking of Suzy and the possibilities. He needed to go home, back to Kentucky, to his Granny who always knew the answers. A week on the farm didn't require many clothes, so he packed one small bag.

He ignored the ringing phone. He mailed a note to Suzy.

Dear Suzy,

Saturday was special.

I will be out of town a week.

We will talk when I return.

Mikal

Mikal went to work Monday, cleared his schedule, and made a plane reservation from San Diego to Nashville, where his mother lived. He arranged to use her car to go to the farm. Next, he called his Granny to say he would arrive before dark.

Granny was delighted Mikal was coming home, but she sensed a problem. "Is everything all right, Mikal Joe?"

" _Yes, ah... No. I'll talk to you when I get home. I'm not hurt or sick, at least physically. I need to leave for the airport. Bye Granny." She always knew when he was hurting._

The drive from Nashville to Possum Lick, Kentucky, was as familiar as ever, but different. He passed the same fields being plowed for spring planting, the same forests with evergreens and leafless hard woods, and crossed the same bridges over slow running rivers. Yes, everything was the same, but this trip could determine his future. Every other time he came home, he was certain his life was in order, his plans on the right track. Today his world was spinning out of control, without any idea how to stop it.

Granny was waiting on the porch when he drove the long, dusty road to the farmhouse. Mikal exited the car, stretched, and waived to Granny. She motioned him to the porch and wrapped her arms around him. She hugged him long and hard; he needed Granny's love, especially today. She'd cared for him since he was a tike. When he skinned his knees or fell off the horse, she was waiting to sooth him. Before he grew, the older boys tormented him, but she protected him. Granny was his refuge.

Granny peered into Mikal's sad brown eyes and frowned. "You sit yourself down and relax. I'll get some cold lemonade. You can't talk when you're parched."

" _Is Papa around?" asked Mikal._

" _He's out in the fields somewhere. He'll be in 'afore supper."_

Mikal followed her to the door with his eyes. He grinned as he sat in the old rocking chair, which must have been on this porch a hundred years. Granny rocked him here, his Dad and his grandfather, were rocked here. The rocker creaked, but probably always had. The porch needed repair and paint. The screen door was torn. A window was cracked. What else? Maybe he could work away his distresses...Maybe not.

Granny brought the lemonades and handed one to Mikal. He took a long drink and set the glass on the wobbly table. "Thanks, Granny. No one makes better lemonade."

" _More of your nonsense talk, but I fooled you this time. It's from one of them frozen cans. The older I git, the lazier I git." She gazed at him long and hard. "Okay, what brought you 2000 miles to your Granny? A woman?"_

Mikal rocked a few times, and shook his head. "You think you know everything about me, don't you?"

" _Yup!" She eyed him. "She's got you bad, huh?"_

" _Yea!" He leaned forward with his elbows on his knees, concentrating on the toes of his boots. "I've never met anyone as special as this one, and you never heard me say that before." Mikal swallowed hard and leaned back in the rocker. "I looked into her blue eyes and fell in love. We ate melted ice cream after church and fried chicken the next week. I helped her and her Grandmother do some house repairs, ate more chicken, taught her a song on my guitar, and kissed her in the park, all in six weeks. Now she's so much a part of my body, soul, and spirit, I'm tied up like a calf for branding."_

Granny was puzzled. "Sounds like you're deep in love. What's wrong with that?"

" _What's wrong is she's in love with her high school sweetheart, who's away at college. He's promised to come home after graduation to marry her." Mikal gazed toward the trees across the cornfield. "I was in big trouble after I kissed her. Granny, that kiss made the world explode around us and so did my mind and body. I promise I never did more than kiss her, but I wanted to take her right then in the park. I thought we would share an innocent kiss. I couldn't imagine everything would rip open at the seams."_

" _What does she say?" asked Granny._

" _Granny that was Saturday. Instead of talking to her, I ran away and came here." He peeked under his hat at his Granny. "Granny, I don't know what to do. I'm mad in love with her. I was in the Navy for four years, all around the world and found women everywhere. There is a difference between having a good time and love. I can't imagine living the rest of my life without her, but if I push her, she'll run. What'll I do?"_

" _Mikal Joe, no matter how old you git you'll never know how to fix the affairs of the heart." She thought a minute. "How's her relationship with the boyfriend?"_

" _She hears from him less often now, but thinks he's just busy. Granny, I'm sure he's a hardy, young man, away from home with freedom and a boatload of college girls. I'm only three years older, so I have an idea what he's busy at, but I can't say things I don't know for sure. I'd bet at the end of college he'll leave her with a broken heart. If I'm wrong about Jesse, I lose her to him in a year. If I'm right about him, and she stays true to him, after 4 years of his deceit, she might hate men."_

" _Mikal Joe, a wise man once said, 'You can attract more flies with honey than vinegar'."_

" _Yes, Ma'am, but what does that have to do with my problem?"_

Granny gave a big sigh. "Mikal Joe, show her you're a better catch than he is. Be the honey."

" _How?"_

" _Mikal, Mikal, you men think you're experts on women. You show off trying to be Superman. Be subtle. Be quiet. Make her wonder what's next."_

" _Give me some suggestions," he said._

Granny leaned closer and said, "Instead of a dozen roses, give her one, with a pretty ribbon, in a pretty box. No card, but if she guesses it's from you, be modest. Make your unexpected gifts small, simple and personal, or mysterious. Keep your time together magical. Dinner at a restaurant is normal; dinner packed in a picnic basket on top of a hill above the city, is romantic. If you can't pursue her openly, keep things casual. Have an errand turn into an event. Make her special places, more special. Do things the boyfriend can't. If you want this lady, work at it. Be the prize bull; the other fellow will be the hamburger."

" _Wow, you've given me a big job. Is that how Papa got you?" asked Mikal._

Granny hooted with laughter. "Heavens no, I nailed him in five minutes." She batted her eyelashes at Mikal. If a girl wants a boy, she wiggles the right body part. The boy has to work hard to get a good girl."

Mikal laughed. "So, boys are a little shallow?"

" _No, young studs can't see beyond their front end," she said._

Mikal was shocked and said, "Granny, I never heard you talk that way."

Mikal's Grandfather came out of the house. "What's Emma a say'n that's so bad?"

" _She's talkin' about young stud's body parts," Mikal said._

" _How would she know? She ain't seen one for near an eternity." He winked at Granny. "I mean a young one." As Papa Joe walked by her, she snapped him with her dishtowel._

Mikal marveled at the love they still felt for one another after more than 50 years of marriage. He hoped he and Suzy would get a chance at happiness.

Papa Joe eyed Mikal much the way Granny had. "So, why'd you come runnin' home to your grandma?"

Granny gazed pitifully at Mikal. "He's in love, but doesn't know how to get the girl away from the other guy."

" _Thanks Granny! You help the ego," Mikal said._

Papa Joe sat on a chair, lit his cigar, and puffed a minute. "Mind you, I didn't have to worry about that. Why, I was so hot, she grabbed me up 'fore I knew what hit me. She's never let me out from under her thumb since then." He cackled as Granny glared at him.

" _You better check your soup real close tonight, Pa. Never know what's in it. Your insurance paid up?" she said._

Mikal and Papa Joe laughed until they almost fell out of their chairs. Granny stood to go into the house. "You too, young'n. Supper'll be ready in 30 minutes, and don't bring that smelly thing in my house," she said to Joe.

The door banged shut. "So tell me about this girl that's got you by the balls," his grandfather said.

Mikal relayed the story to his grandfather while they waited for supper. After supper, they rode the tractor around the farm. Nothing changed, except for more rust on the old broken, equipment.

" _How's things going Papa Joe? Are you and Granny managing okay?"_

" _Gits harder and harder, Mikal Joe. Next year Bob Smith's gonna lease the rest of the fields. Probably 'bout time to sell, because I don't expect you want to be a farmer. Bob offered me a fair price, but don't have any idea where your grandma and I will go. We've lived here together over 50 years. My daddy and granddad owned this place before the war."_

" _Papa, the thought of you selling the farm tears me up, but no, I don't want to be a farmer. I imagined the farm would always be here for me to run to, like now," Mikal said, gazing sadly over the house and fields where he grew up, and had roots._

That night, in his old bed, his world was dangerously close to tipping. His grandfather might sell the farm, and he hadn't a clue how to get Suzy to fall in love with him. He might lose her to the creep away at college.

The next morning he rose with a plan. He bounded down the stairs, whistling, and hugged his grandmother. "Top of the Mornin' Granny. It's a beautiful day. Mmm, coffee smells great, and bacon, too. Life couldn't be better."

Granny set the spatula on the counter and turned around to examine her puzzling grandson. "You take somethin' this morning? Your mood sure changed from yesterday."

He kissed her on the cheek. "Nope! I devised a plan. It's as much for me, as to get her," he said.

" _Here, set yourself, with your coffee, and tell me. Breakfast can wait."_

" _Thanks for the coffee Granny. My plan is to take home small pieces of the farm. I'll take pictures, too. I'll share everything with her: my hopes, my fears, my loves, and myself. I've told her about Kentucky. I want her to experience my home. She shares herself with me and I think we can bond so tightly, in the end she won't be able to let go."_

" _Go slow, Mikal. Don't push her," said Granny._

" _I'll go easy. I'll be so subtle; she won't realize I'm capturing her heart." Mikal seemed so hopeful, Granny was afraid for him. "Granny, do you have a camera and film? I need a small box to carry things home on the plane."_

" _I have a camera, Mikal, but the film's old. You can get some at the drug store, and they have a new machine to develop pictures faster."_

Mikal rubbed his hands together in anticipation, and said, "Great, now how about fixin' breakfast for a hungry boy? Pancakes, eggs, and bacon?"

" _Land, boy, you're going to eat me out of house and home the first day back."_

Mikal bought film for the camera and began his excursion to find the treasures he'd take home to share with Suzy. By Thursday night, he packed everything in little bags, and then in the little box to carry on the plane. Friday he'll return the car to his mother, and Saturday he'll fly to San Diego where he will implement his plan.

Friday he hugged Granny and Papa Joe. Granny kissed him. "Go easy, my boy. I hope and pray you win your lady."

" _Thanks, Granny, I'll do my best. Love you." He hugged her once more. "So long, Papa Joe, tell me know before you do anything with the farm."_

Mikal left his old home, driving toward his future with Suzy. He knew he would succeed.

Chapter 12

After lunch on Saturday, Suzy's phone rang. Gram answered, and after she said hello, she talked in a strange voice. "What did you do to my granddaughter?" She listened and spoke again. "You'd better." She handed the phone to me. "It's Mikal." I shook my head and tried to refuse the phone. "Talk to him," she said.

I took the phone; Gram went into her room. "Hello," I said.

Mikal talked with uncertainty. "Hi, I just got home. I need to clean up; then can I pick you up?"

I hesitated. "I don't know."

"We need to talk, Suzy."

Yes, no, yes, no, went through my head. "What do you want to talk about?"

"Me, you, us, last Saturday. Please?" he said.

My lips trembled as I debated, trying not to cry. "I don't know, Mikal. You hurt me by running away."

"Yes I did, but please talk to me, Suzy."

"I thought we were friends, Mikal. Friends don't run away."

"You're right, Suzy. I shouldn't have gone away. I can't change what I did, but please, talk to me."

"All right, what time will you be here?"

"In an hour?" he asked.

"Fine. Where shall we go?"

"You pick, Suzy. See you soon."

Mikal arrived, and after we were in the truck, he turned to me, but took a minute to talk. He seemed like a shy little boy. "Thanks for seeing me, Suzy. Where do you want to go?"

I was uneasy, so I focused my eyes away from him. "I always go to La Jolla Cove when I have problems to work out, but I think it's a little far if our talk doesn't go well." I stared through the side window, rested my elbow on the door, chewing on my knuckle. "The harbor is closer, and we can get food if we're hungry."

"Fine, give me directions," he said.

After we arrived and parked, I exited the truck and zipped my jacket. The wind off the water was cool, as usual, so I buried my hands in the pockets. This served two purposes; my hands were warm, and I couldn't touch Mikal. We walked toward Harbor Village until we came to a café, where Mikal stopped. "I'm going to get coffee, do you want some?"

"Yes, I'll have a large one with cream, please." Now I would have something to do with my hands and mouth. The atmosphere was tense.

We walked further in silence. Mikal motioned to a bench facing the water, where we sat, but not close. He leaned forward with his elbows on his knees, gazing into his coffee cup. "I messed up at the park, Suzy. I shouldn't have kissed you. I hurt you, and us, I'm sorry." He studied me. "I value your friendship more than I can tell you."

I frowned, gazing across the bay. "Mikal, the kiss isn't the only problem. I didn't understand your reaction, you sent me home, followed by a note saying you left town." My eyes began to tear up. "You promised to talk to me, but you ran away."

"Suzy, you go to La Jolla when you have problems. I always ran to my grandmother, but this time she was a little far." Mikal turned toward me, straddling the bench. "I have never experienced anything as intense, not only the kiss, Suzy, but how our bodies responded so quickly. I wanted to possess you like never before with any other woman, right out in public. If we'd been alone, I couldn't have stopped, it's a good thing you did. I was consumed with my desire for you. I thought I was hit by lightning."

The words he used were new to me; bodies responding, desire, possessing, never with other women, I wanted to run. I was supposed to be waiting for Jesse, my fiancé, but I'm here talking to Mikal about...about how we almost made love? The memory of those feelings rushed back to make my stomach constrict. I spun toward Mikal with tears in my eyes. "But why wouldn't you talk to me? You just lay on the blanket. I had no idea what was happening. I thought I did something wrong."

"Suzy, I was out of control. I couldn't get up, not in public." He frowned as he examined his coffee cup. He rolled the cup back and forth in his hands, thinking. He finally posed his question, "You have no idea what I'm talking about, do you?"

"I – I don't know. I guess not," I said.

Mikal studied my face; then said, "Can I ask a personal question?"

I was unsure where this conversation was going, but I said, "Yes."

"Have you had sex with Jesse, or anyone?"

Shyly, I said, "No."

"Have you ever been as close to a man's body as we were?"

"No."

He inspected our surroundings with a multitude of people, and said, "Suzy, this isn't the place for this conversation. Can we go somewhere more private?"

"Yes," I said.

We drove along the harbor to one of the marina peninsulas. He found a deserted place to park and I was becoming concerned. I trusted Mikal, but I hadn't known him long, and after our episode in the park, I questioned why we were so far from everyone. Panic was barely at bay. "Why did we stop here, Mikal?"

"We need a private place to talk," he said. Frowning, I peered around, and Mikal sensed my unease. "We're only going to talk. Do you trust me?" he asked.

"Yes," I lied, but I felt safer when I saw an open restaurant nearby.

Mikal turned to me, put one arm on the back of the seat, and the other across the top of the steering wheel, but he did not attempt to touch me. "Suzy, I couldn't get up, partly because our closeness dulled my better judgment, and partly because my body reacted to your kiss. Do you understand?" I shook my head. He continued, speaking softly. "Do you understand what an erection is when a man has sex?" I nodded. "A man's body gets excited long before sex, especially when the emotions take off like ours did in the park. Sometimes a man only looks at a woman when excitement begins. Didn't you feel me against you, when we were so close?"

"I was too overwhelmed to know," I said.

He grinned and said, "Believe me, after I started to calm down, I couldn't get up for a long time, or everyone in the park would have been aware of my situation." I gave a little smile. "Suzy, you broke away from me because those intense emotions overpowered you. Everything you were experiencing, so was I. I was afraid to look at you, afraid to touch you, because at that moment, I might have lost control of myself. The park wasn't the place to have sex."

I was shaken by the idea, and felt my eyes get big when I asked, "Would you have done it to me in the park, Mikal?"

"First off, not to you, with you. Being in broad daylight was a big problem. People could see our passion building, and we were way over the line, especially with so many kids around. If we were in a private place I couldn't have let you go," he said.

I gasped in astonishment. "Would you have rapped me if I said to stop?"

"Suzy, if we were alone, I can't imagine you would have said no. You were more than ready to be with a man. With a little education about how a woman's body reacts to a man, what a man's touch can do, your sexual urges would have overpowered your resistance."

"You mean by touching me in certain places?" I asked.

Mikal was almost whispering as he talked. "Yes, and after a while you find a point of no return when a man and woman are together."

I contemplated his statement, mesmerized by Mikal's intense gaze. "Jesse tried; but I resisted him. Why would I let you touch me that way?"

"Was Jesse slow and gentle or in a rush?" Mikal asked softly.

"Jesse was always in a rush, he was so desperate he scared me," I said.

"Suzy, the passion you felt in the park, with me, have you felt that with Jesse?"

"No," I said.

"I didn't think so," he said. "I barely touched you, when you willingly, opened yourself to me. We found the right moment, but the wrong time and place. It's a good thing you stopped, because stopping wasn't my plan, yet. Suzy you're like a rose newly blooming. You're struggling with retaining your values while your body is straining to become a woman. It's both beautiful and frustrating for me to watch. I want you to give yourself to me, but not hate me because I forced you to betray your beliefs. You'll know when the time is right. You may wait until you're married, you may not."

I began to relax and was grateful for Mikal's patience, but I still wasn't sure I understood the physical reactions, between men and women, when they are in romantic situations. "Couldn't we have waited awhile and talked at the park?" I asked.

"Suzy, with all those people nearby, we couldn't have talked like this. You would have been uncomfortable, besides already being distressed. I was in no condition to talk, physically or emotionally, for a long time," he said. Mikal gently brushed a lock of hair away from my face as he tried to reassure me.

I understood why Mikal sent me away from the park, but we still hadn't discussed the reason he left San Diego. "Mikal, why did you go away?" I asked.

He turned away and became serious. "I panicked."

"But, why?"

He struggled with what to say. "I crossed the line, your line of friendship. I meant to share a nice little kiss, which said you're special to me, but the kiss escalated out of control immediately, for both of us. I panicked, because if you understood how much I love you and want you, I thought you'd never see me again, even as a friend. I hated myself for taking advantage of you and I was scared." Mikal closed his eyes and buried his face against his arm.

"Mikal?" He was still struggling. "Mikal?" I touched his arm and he jumped. "Mikal, how can we go back to being just friends, after last Saturday?"

"I don't know, Suzy. Can we be together and not remember the magic of that moment? We didn't just exchange a kiss; we exchanged ourselves. Can I resist touching you and holding you? How do I watch Jesse touch you or kiss you, without going mad? I can't think about him being with you." He turned to me with those brown eyes, which were full of hurt and a slight mist. "Suzy can't we be friends, somehow? I can't stand the idea of never seeing you again. I promise to behave."

I hesitated; the kiss changed our relationship, but I didn't want to lose him either. "Mikal, our friendship is special, but what happened last week can't happen again. I want to try to be friends, but strictly friends."

He tried to hug me, but threw up his hands, and leaned back. "No... I promised...friends."

Yea, sure, I thought, but I extended my hand and said, "Deal, just friends."

Mikal kissed my hand, smiled, started the truck, and said, "We have to get out of here. Didn't I see a place for fish and chips?"

"Mikal, haven't you found any of the great places in San Diego yet? That was Tony's Fish Shack. It's the best in town, and I'm starving," I said.

"Let's eat; then I'll take you home. I'm beat after the plane ride, the time change, and the stress of tonight. I feel a lot better Suzy, and I hope you do."

We sat on the restaurant deck, eating, and talking. Mikal appeared a little sheepish when he said, "I brought something home for you."

"What?" I said.

"Part of the farm in Kentucky. It's one of my favorite things. You'll like it." Mikal was thinking of home, so he fell easily into his southern accent.

"Where is it, Mikal?"

"It's at my house. I wasn't sure you'd talk to me," he said.

"When will you show me?" I asked.

He ducked his head and said, "You said La Jolla is one of your favorite places. Could we go tomorrow after church? Then...I can give one of my favorite things to you, at one of your favorite places."

I smiled at his shyness. "Okay and we'll stop at a great place to eat on the way, if the waiting line isn't too long."

"Suzy, how do you look so good when you go to so many good places to eat?"

Our easy laughs returned. The ride home was certainly more pleasant than when we left my house earlier. At home, I hopped out of his truck, walked to his side, and leaned slightly into his open window. "Good night Mikal. Sorry I'm so dumb about things."

He ran a finger down my cheek. "Your innocence is refreshing. I hope to be the one to bring you to womanhood when you're ready." He studied my face, pulled me close enough to kiss my cheek, then smiled, and winked. "Gotta go; I'll see you tomorrow with a bit of Kentucky in my pocket."

I watched him drive away and he flashed his taillights at the corner before he turned out of my sight. Gram was awake when I entered the house.

"So, did you and Mikal work things out?" she asked.

"Sort of," I said.

"What does that mean?" Gram frowned when I shrugged. "Suzy, that young man is falling in love with you."

"That's what he said."

"Suzy, what does that do to your friendship with him and your relationship with Jesse?"

"Mikal said he would behave," I said.

"What have you two done so far?" Gram asked.

I sighed. "We kissed."

"What kind of kiss, Suzy?"

"A kiss like I've never experienced before, or imagined. I don't think Jesse knows how to kiss like that," I said.

"Suzy," Gram said, "even though Mikal is only three years older than Jesse, Mikal is a grown man; Jesse is barely older than a boy. Mikal has been around the world in the Navy and he works at an adult job; Jesse is a young student. Mikal has mature charm and Jesse is still trying to find himself. So far, you've been able to keep Jesse at bay, but I think Mikal may be more than you can handle, or want to. Is it time to go to the doctor to make sure you are protected?"

"No Gram, Mikal won't hurt me." I started toward my room and stopped to kiss her worried brow. "Good night, Gram."

"Good night, Suzy.

Chapter 13

After church Mikal and I drove to La Jolla. "Have you been to La Jolla before?" I asked.

"No, the restaurants sounded too classy when I was in the Navy. Us swabbies preferred dark, smoky bars with plenty of girls with the right, or wrong, attitude. Woops, you didn't need to hear about that part of my life."

"Drive north on I-5 and I'll give directions." As we approached the restaurant, I said, "It's ahead on the left, The French Bakery. Oh good, there's not a line outside."

We sat at the last table on the patio, which was perfect for this perfect day. Two grandmotherly ladies at the table next to us smiled at Mikal. He turned to them, smiled, nodded his head, and in his most charming southern accent said, "Good afternoon, ladies. It's a beautiful day. I'm Mikal and this is Suzy. Isn't she the most beautiful young lady you have ever seen?" They giggled as Mikal turned his attention to me. He smiled, took my hand, and kissed it. The ladies tittered again. I smiled, but wanted to burst out laughing at the way he worked them.

The waitress broke the spell when she came with a basket of warm French bread, butter, and jam. She poured coffee from the pot she carried, then left menus and promised to return.

I took a big whiff of the aroma coming from the bread. "This is the first best thing about this place." I passed the breadbasket to Mikal and said, "Here, smell the bread; then, help yourself. The jam is yummy, too."

He sniffed. "You're right; they smell wonderful, but not as fluffy as Granny's biscuits." He ducked when I flipped my napkin at him. "I'm sure they taste as good." He buttered and jellied a piece of bread, tasted it, rolled his eyes, and nodded his approval. "You're not looking at the menu?"

I pushed it away. "No, I always order the spinach omelet. It's thick with creamy spinach inside the egg, and covered with Swiss cheese. I've never eaten dinner here, only breakfast. Do you like spinach?"

Mikal shook his head. "Green leafy stuff's not my favorite, except Granny's collard greens. I'm not sure what she does to make them edible, but they are tasty."

The waitress came, the same one who worked here for years. We ordered, and I asked for a basket of sweet rolls.

Mikal studied me. "You always surprise me. One minute you are so innocent, the next, absolutely in charge of the situation. You go for what you like. No hesitation."

"I have favorites, but sometimes something new and different comes along to try," I said.

"Me maybe?" he asked, and I nodded. Mikal smiled, and wiggled his body. He held up the uneaten roll and bobbed it toward me. "These are sinful. I'll run an extra mile tomorrow, or five, if I eat another one." The ladies stood, ready to leave. Mikal took my hand and spoke a poem. "This little finger loves Mikal, this little finger never stays home, this little finger wants a ring, and this little finger says it's a dumb poem." I laughed as he spread jam on my ring finger, but held my breath when he proceeded to lick it off, slowly and deliberately. The ladies gawked at us, until one pushed the other towards the door and muttered something about young love. Mikal buried his face in a napkin to stifle his giggles. I was speechless.

Our breakfast arrived and the waitress asked what we did to those two ladies. Mikal said seriously, "We made love, right here on this table, in front of them."

She studied us, but concluded he was joking. "You're a naughty boy."

"Isn't that what the French would do?" he asked.

"Maybe in France, but not in America; you American's don't understand love." She examined Mikal and said, "Maybe you do." Mikal stood and bowed. She went away smiling, to do her duties.

I laughed at Mikal. "Was that an example of charming a stinky skunk?"

"No, Suzy, it's 'charm the stink out of a skunk'. Did it work?"

"Yes, and they will tell the story to their friends 10,000 times," I said.

Mikal stopped eating. "I meant everything I did and said, Suzy."

My resolve wavered as I peered into his brown eyes. "We'd better finish our breakfast," I said. I forced myself to remain seated instead of climbing over the table into his lap. We continued to eat and talked about normal things, then lingered with our coffee.

After breakfast, we proceeded northward and I directed Mikal to drive through La Jolla on the main street, which took us by the fancy shops and galleries.

"This doesn't look much like Possum Lick, Kentucky," Mikal said. "I might need my cowboy hat 'n boots, so they can tell I'm not one of 'um. Don't see many trucks, just those fast, little cop magnets. Now I know why you like this place, it's the stores. My wallet feels lighter just driving through. Do you shop here?"

"No-o-o," I laughed. "Unless I find something really, really on sale, I admire the fashions, go home, and make my own outfit. La Jolla has wonderful restaurants and some are reasonable. Take the next left to the beaches, Mikal."

Mikal drove slowly down the winding, hilly road, and said, "Don't think Possum Lick has a hill as high as this one. You didn't tell me I needed good breaks to come here. Where shall we park?"

"You'll find spaces past the park," I said.

We walked to The Cove. Body surfers were riding the waves, but I pointed beyond them. "Those guys are fishing. Bags hang into the water from inner tubes, and they get inside so they aren't wet and cold. See their poles?"

I laughed at the amazement on Mikal's face. "Now I've seen everything," he said. "Wish I brought a camera, because no one at home will believe this. Do they catch fish?"

"Probably; several guys are here on weekends and evenings."

We walked away, but Mikal stopped twice to gawk at the sight, and shake his head. "You'll have to try tube fishing at home, Mikal," I said.

"Naw, those big catfish might think I was a big worm dangling in the water," he said laughing.

"It'd have to be a mighty big fish," I said.

"You never saw the cats in Kentucky and the fish stories are bigger."

Soon, we came to rocks in the ocean where the seals slept in the sun. I pointed to the beach inside the breakwater. "When I was a kid, we came here to the children's swimming beach. Part of the trip was watching the waves wash the seals off the rocks as the tide came in. See, one is going into the water now."

"You like this place?" Mikal wrinkled his nose. "The ocean and waves are pretty, but the smell is terrible. I'm sure your seals add to the fragrance."

"It's the smell of the sea and the salt air," I said as I breathed deeply. "The air is so clean and fresh. It has blown here from thousands of miles away, maybe from China. On the farm, you smell cow manure, the chicken coop, rotting grain, and hay. Don't you smell home when you get close?"

Mikal eyed me as if I was crazy. "Papa's farm doesn't smell. It's out in the country with fresh air."

"Yea, bet me," I said. "I've smelled the manure they put on lawns and flowerbeds. I know where manure comes from and they don't add the smell later for salability. I've been near the chicken ranches in East County, too." I pinched my nose. "Didn't you enjoy the ocean air in the Navy?"

"Naw," he said, "we smelled diesel fumes from the ship and the stink from filthy harbors where we stopped." Mikal was thinking hard. "I still say Papa's farm doesn't smell."

I poked his chest with my finger. "Probably does...to me. Smells are a big part of our memories. Think about places you've been. This is my heaven, that's yours. Come on, I'll show you my dreaming place."

The sidewalk narrowed to a dirt path along the street curb. On the ocean side, waves crashed on the high cliffs. I led Mikal onto the rocks, where the spray from the seawater filled the air, and we became damp. The coolness felt good on a hot day.

I stopped by some long crevasses where the tide washed in and out. "Have you ever caught hermit crabs?" I ask Mikal.

"Isn't Hermit a frog?" Mikal asked, looking into the rushing water.

"No, Kermit is a frog. These are hermit crabs, and they hide in the cracks." He nodded as I pointed at them. "They don't make their own shells like other crabs. They're called hermits, because as they grow, they find a new empty shell and take it for their own."

Mikal wore a doubtful expression, but reached into the water and caught one. He examined the tiny crab; then put it back in the water. "Gotta take of God's creatures. He didn't pinch me, but those big crabs would. Is that a starfish?" he asked.

"Yes, pick it up," I said. "If you're lucky you might find a baby octopus in a crack, but you probably can't get it out. Those flower-like animals are anemones. Poke one. It will close on your finger. When a fish gets close, the anemone traps it, and has lunch."

"Hey neat. What else?" Mikal said.

"The clumps of black shells are mussels. The oval shaped shells, clinging to the rocks, are living creatures. You can't see them move, but over time, they do. Sometimes you find baby fish in the tide pools. There are more tide pools near the restaurant, where we ate breakfast. Maybe I'll take you another day."

"Suzy, are you asking me out on a date?" he asked.

"No, I'm being tour guide to the newby. You can't live in San Diego without discovering its complexities and mysteries." I stood next to Mikal watching the ocean. "What I like most about this spot, is I turn my back to man and see nothing but nature and God at their best. Let's sit on the rocks."

I pointed to the condominiums across the street, and said, "Those condos are new. Little old beach cottages lined the street when I was a kid. Our artist friend lived in one, and in the summer, I had painting lessons. We sat here on the rocks, set up our easels, and painted pictures of the ocean. I wasn't Van Gough, but I loved trying. If I spent the night, I slept by the front window and listened to the waves crashing on the rocks. Our ears are part of our memories, too."

"What else do you remember hearing?" asked Mikal.

"At my other grandmother's house, her old wind-up clock would tick-tock, tick-tock all night, and in the morning I heard the sound of the doves cooing. What do you remember, Mikal?"

"The farm sounds mostly," he said, "cows mooing, chickens clucking, and roosters crowing. In the morning I heard Granny's voice, in the kitchen, while she was cooking breakfast."

We sat by the water and Mikal contemplated the ocean, before saying, "I 'm glad they can't take our childhood memories away from us. I think it's who we are, who we have become." He refocused on me. "Any way, we have been deep into your memories. I'm sorry you can't trot up the road to mine. But...know what I did while I was home?"

"No Mikal, tell me."

"I visited all the places I love and I brought some of them back with me."

"What do you mean?" I asked.

"I borrowed Granny's camera and took pictures and brought little bits of the farm to you," he said.

"Really? You did that for me?" I asked.

Mikal reached into his pocket and removed a small box. He rubbed his thumbs over the top. "I told you about the dogwood trees. I searched most of the day to find one with enough flowers for a good picture. This one must have waited for me, because by the middle of April, the flowers are mostly gone." He opened the box and removed a picture of a dogwood tree in bloom. He smiled at the image before he showed me. "I wish you could have been with me to see the real thing," he said.

I gasped at the picture. "Oh, Mikal, this is a beautiful tree. And, yes they look like little fairies floating in the forest." I put my arm through his and hugged it. "Thank you, so much. It's delightful."

Mikal smiled and said, "Thousands of trees are in bloom at one time, so that makes millions of fairies. I captured one, want to see it?"

I was puzzled; then realized he meant one of the flowers. He opened the box again and picked up a small white flower. "I present you with one of my fairies. Careful the wind doesn't make this one fly away."

"Oh Mikal, it's so beautiful and delicate. I can see a touch of pink in the center. I understand why you call them fairies." Gently, I touched the flower and smiled, while cupping it in my hands to protect it from the wind.

"Why are you crying?" he asked.

"Partly because it's so beautiful and partly because no one has shared such an intimate part of their life with me." I sniffed away the moisture and smiled at Mikal. "Put the flower in the box to protect it, Mikal. You need to take care of your fairy."

He placed the fairy in the box with the picture and handed it to me. "This is your fairy, Suzy; I can get another one. They're far from extinct, but this one's special, because it waited for you."

I put my arms around Mikal and hugged him. "Thank you, you make me feel special." How could I keep from falling in love with Mikal when he treats me like a princess?

"Mikal, back at the restaurant, what did you mean when you said my finger wanted a ring?" He didn't speak; he just held me. "Mikal, was that display a show for the ladies?"

"No," he said, "but it's too soon to talk about rings...One day, I hope."

In bed that night, I thought about Jesse. He could have given me a small ring if he wanted me to wait for him. He hadn't written or called in over two weeks, sometimes longer. Jesse usually devised some lame excuse for ignoring me, while Mikal showered me with attention almost daily. Was I wasting my time waiting for Jesse to graduate? He has all those new girls at school, how would I know if he found someone else?

Chapter 14

The next Thursday, when we went to Balboa Gardens, the residents chided us for missing last week. Sara and Ken were absent this week. Mikal visited everyone and promised a special treat. I didn't realize he meant me.

I followed behind Mikal. At Rosie's chair, she took my arm and held me. She didn't hide her bemused expression. "You did it."

"I did what, Rosie?"

"You did IT, wi' Mikal."

I leered at her through narrowed eyes, becoming nervous. "If you mean what I think you mean, I did not 'do IT'."

Her grip became tighter as she pulled me onto the chair next to her. "Den what you do?"

I tried to escape, but her grip didn't loosed. "Nothing!" I said.

"Don' lie to Rosie. Can see in your eyes, they're div'rent. You did sometin' in da park."

Shocked, I straightened, leaning away from her. "How did you know about the park?"

"Rosie know all. What happen?" She said, and pulled me closer, her boney, old fingers digging into my skin.

I might as well tell her. "Mikal kissed me; that's all."

"Was some kiss?" She cackled softly, and shook her crooked finger at me. "You can na' fool Rosie. He want do more. Dat boy love you."

"What makes you think that?" I asked.

"In his eyes...he look at you, in his eyes."

"We're friends, Rosie. I have a boyfriend who's away at school," I said.

"NO! He no good. Mikal love you. You love Mikal, I see in eyes."

"You're wrong, Rosie. I love Jesse. I've loved him since high school," I said.

She leaned closer. "No...Eyes don' lie. It be Mikal. You mark my word," she said, shaking her finger in my face.

I jerked my arm from Rosie's grip and stood, shaking. Mikal called me. "Hey, Suzy, come sing with me. You can't play all night, we're here to work"

I was glad Mikal rescued me from Rosie. She was scary. I half ran, half skipped to where he sat on his stool. "Thanks for saving me," I said. I turned around, and Rosie was gone.

Mikal questioned me, "You okay?"

"Yes, let's sing something," I said. We sang duets and solos while the seniors clapped in mock rhythm.

Mikal stood and moved his stool toward me. "I promised you a treat. Suzy has been learning to play the guitar and she has a special song for you." He grinned, and handed me his guitar. "Please, sing your ABC song."

I tried to avoid him, but he insisted. "I can't play it yet," I said.

"Yes you can." He winked. "Besides, they don't know the difference."

With my hands on my hips, I glared at him. "Is that why you have me sing, because they don't know the difference?"

"Maybe." He loved teasing me. "Play."

I played and sang my song. Every one clapped. Mikal encouraged them to yell, "Encore, encore." I hit his arm. He turned away, pretending it hurt while he laughed. I sang once more; then handed the guitar to Mikal.

While Mikal was packing his guitar, I noticed Rosie returned. She motioned me to her. I saw her gesture, so I couldn't refuse.

"Hi Rosie, isn't it bedtime?"

She ignored what was not pertinent. "Mikal's fingers taught you well. Good when man's arms 'round." How did she know? She reached under her lap robe and brought out an old wooden box. She stroked it lovingly. "For love and dreams." She offered the box to me. "Put in your dreams."

I tried to refuse. "Oh Rosie, I can't take your box. It's important to you."

"No more for me," she said, and I accepted it.

"Thank you, Rosie. The box is warm. It must have been next to your body under the blanket."

"Dat da old love. Open da box."

Inside was a lock of hair with a bow tied around it. "Whose?" I asked.

Rosie glanced away. "My man, my boy, my mama," she said.

As I examined it, I could see three different colors of hair in the bow. "Oh, Rosie, these are your memories, you must keep them." We both shed tears.

"I be gone. You take care Rosie box. Put in love. Da li'l white flower."

"How'd you know about the flower?" She grinned and turned toward Mikal.

"'Member, jus' love an' dreams. No evil." She took a small black bag from her pocket and waived it inside the box. "Safe."

I didn't know what she meant; I also knew she wouldn't tell me. "Rosie, I promise to protect your box. Thank you." I hugged her as best I could, but she fended me off and became stiff. "Where are you from Rosie?" I asked.

"Biloxi," she said. "My man work here. He gone, long time. Boy gone, long time." Rosie closed her eyes; her chin quivered. I patted her arm, stood, and ambled toward Mikal. As we walked to the door, I glanced at Rosie. She smiled and nodded.

I don't believe in voodoo and magic, but I sensed something special about Rosie's box, warm under my arm.

When I returned home, I set the box on my dresser and changed for bed.

Rosie's words ran through my head as I lay in bed. She said love and dreams go in the box, which meant the dogwood flower. Mikal gave it to me in love. Jessie loves me, so his heart shaped necklace, from when he left for college, should go in the box. I would add a lock of Gram's hair, too.

I brought the box, the flower, and the necklace to my bed. I opened the box and touched the little bundle of hair from Rosie's loves. I held Mikal's flower; then laid it in the box. A warm sensation coursed through my body. I smiled, remembering the day Mikal and I spent at La Jolla. Yes, I have love, but what are my dreams?

I picked up Jesse's necklace; it turned cold in my hand. After I put it in the box, a chill racked my body. Jessie and I have dreams, but not one of them came to mind. How strange.

I ran my finger around the rim of the box before I closed the lid, and took it to my dresser. I set it down, turned away, but before I reached my bed, I heard a crash. The box fell to the floor. Jesse's necklace fell out, but the flower and hair were still inside. I lifted the box and the necklace, but the lid closed. It wouldn't open, no matter how hard I tried. Oh no, I broke Rosie's box. I held it to my chest and it became warm. Mikal was handy, so maybe he could fix it. I placed the box on the dresser.

The next week at the senior's home, more entertainers joined us, adding balloon animals and magic tricks. Our group grew to six. The seniors responded by clapping and cheering.

While others were performing, I talked to Rosie. "Rosie, I'm upset; I broke the box. It fell on the floor and the lid won't open."

"Tol' you. Box for love an' dreams," she said.

"What's that have to do with the lid being stuck?"

"Red open box." Before I could ask what she meant, she closed her eyes and nodded off.

I parked my car in the driveway and went up the front steps. A long thin box lay on the porch, and inside I found one long stemmed red rose with a pretty, white ribbon. I gasped in surprise. No card was in the box, but I believed Jessie sent the rose. I stroked the soft petals.

I set it on Rosie's box. I came back with a vase and reached for the rose. The lid of the box was ajar. The hair and the dogwood flower were still inside. Rosie said red would open the box. The red rose? That's weirder still.

I found a perfect petal, pulled it off, laid it in the box, and closed the lid. After I put the rose in the vase, I tried putting Jesse's necklace in the box, but again, it wouldn't open.

Chapter 15

Friday night the phone rang. Jesse hadn't called in over a month. "I've missed talking to you," I said, "but I knew you would call. Thank you for the pretty rose."

"What rose? I've been too busy to send anything. Do you have a boyfriend now?" he asked.

I guiltily thought about Mikal. "No, Jesse. I love only you."

"Then you have a secret admirer. You sure attracted the guys in high school."

"No, Jesse," I said. "You led the parade of admirers. No one noticed me, except you. Maybe it was left at the wrong house. Anyway, what have you been doing?"

"Nothing fun, finals will be next week and we were in the state competitions for Track and Field Events. We placed third. The new guy on relay kept dropping the baton. I wanted to put gum in his hand. We would've won if we hadn't lost Bruce."

"Sorry, Jesse. Will Bruce race next year? Didn't you know him down here?"

"Yea, he was from the L.A. area. I raced against him at our inter-school meets," he said.

"Why, did he leave the team, Jesse?"

"He was caught cheating on a test," he said. "It's tough to do sports and have time to study. He was about to fail the class, so he took a chance. He wasn't expelled, because his dad is some kind of bigwig with the school, but he was suspended from the team."

"Not everyone is as smart as you, Jesse. Is college as easy as high school was?"

"Hell no! I mean no," he corrected. "I actually have to cram for finals this time. In high school, I could cozy my way into an A if my grade was soft, but not here. If I let my grades fall, they'll kick me off the teams. The fraternities don't care if you're smart; they want jocks who attract girls to their parties." He added quickly, "But, I could care less about the girls, because I have you."

"Yea, sure, Jesse. Don't all those girls turn your head just a little? You never talk to them?"

"I can't hide and avoid everyone," he said. "We socialize in the quad or the cafeteria. I don't have time or money to date. At the frat house parties, I strike out because I can't dance. I play the piano and make it fun for everyone else. Are you dating?"

"We do everything in groups at church, Jesse. I couldn't keep a secret here; your friends would tell on me, but on Thursdays some of us go to a senior's home to entertain."

"Who's going?" he asked.

"Sara, Ken, John, Jenny, and a new guy, Mikal, and I go," I said, feeling better I had mentioned Mikal, so now he was no longer a secret. "Ken takes his banjo, Mikal plays guitar, they have a piano, so Sara plays, and we all sing. A weird old lady lives at the home. She's like a witch. She has a funny eye and talks in mumbo jumbo. She gave me an old box and told me weird things about it. I put stuff in it, but it fell and broke, and now I can't get it open. I'm glad the necklace you gave me fell out. When I wear it, I think of you and miss you. Are you coming home for the summer?"

"I have to earn some money," he said. "I don't know why, I don't have time to spend it. I'll be home after finals, and I'll come alone this time, so we need to make plans."

"Good, the last two times, I only saw you for a few hours. Maybe we could go to the amusement park," I said.

"During the first week after school's out?" said Jesse. "It's madness. I love it, but we couldn't get near the good rides. We'd be stuck on the kids rides all night."

"Oh no, no more twirling cups, Jesse. The last time you had them spinning so fast, I was sick. I can't be near anything that spins without getting dizzy."

"Yea Suzy, you're some dizzy dame. I have to go, so find something quiet for us to do. I haven't touched you in ages, my hands itch for you."

"I'll work on it, Jesse. I can't wait. I love you and I miss you. We did everything together in high school, but you're too far away now. Bye, Jesse."

"Bye, my sweet Suz."

My mind wandered to Mikal. Ah yes, Jesse's spies, it can't appear Mikal and I are dating, because we aren't. A bite of cake and melted ice cream at Binnie's was not a date. The chicken cook off was not a date. The day in the park was by chance. The visits at the senior home are a group thing. The afternoon at La Jolla, was an apology for the kiss.

Mikal's kiss in the park wasn't a date, but it certainly was a new and exciting experience. Mikal was gentle, Jesse pushes and is too rough when I want to slow down. I felt fireworks with Mikal, only pop guns with Jesse. Jesse is so young, but maybe he will act more mature this summer.

Chapter 16

After lunch, the next Sunday, Mikal came home with me for a guitar lesson. Gram was with her friends. The rose was on my dresser. "Nice rose," he said.

"Isn't it pretty? I thought Jesse sent it, but he didn't," I said. Mikal had a mischievous grin. "Do you know something about the rose?"

"Mmm, could be." He leaned forward with his arms on his knees. I had learned this was an evasive pose. He readjusted the cowboy hat he wore.

"Mikal?" I poked him in the arm. "Spill it!"

He peeked under the brim of his hat; then inspected the floor. "Yea, I did it. Jus' thought you needed a little lift."

"Thank you, Mikal. Why didn't you put a card in the box?" I said.

Mikal set his hat on the back of the couch. He ran his fingers through his hair to undo the ring from the hat. He shrugged and said, "My Granny says a little mystery gets a girl's attention."

"Oh she does?" I asked, as he resumed leaning on his knees. "Do you believe everything your grandmother says, Mikal?"

He turned his head enough to see me from the corner of his eye. "Oh, yes Ma'am." He ducked his head. "My Granny's pretty smart."

I pulled on Mikal's shirtsleeve. "Sit up and pay attention to me. You're hiding." It took him a minute to straighten. When we finally made eye contact, I continued, "Mikal, why are you embarrassed to do something nice for me? Sometimes you're right up front with what you want, and other times you revert to the shy, country boy." I grabbed his sleeve when he started to move away. "Mikal?"

He ran his fingers through his hair, again, and said, "I don't have trouble joking, but I'm not sure how to tell you I care for you. I may be over the line when I get serious."

I held his hand. "Mikal, an occasional flower is not crossing the line. I appreciate the gesture." He squeezed my hand. "Are you teaching me a new song today?" I said, pointing to the guitar case.

"Good idea." Mikal stood and opened the case, but returned with a small box, instead of the guitar. "I'll teach you a song about the ol' swim'n hole. I brought some of it."

I was puzzled until I found a leaf, a vile of water, and a picture of a pond in the box. I held up the vile of water to the light. "Is this from the pond in the picture?" I asked.

"Yes, and the leaf is from the tree where we hung the rope we used for a swing," he said. "If you look closely at the picture, you can see a piece of rope, left from last year. Each spring the skinniest kid climbs out on the branch, to hang a new rope, and he's the first to jump into the water."

"I've seen pictures of kids swinging on ropes and jumping into a pond." I cocked my head and wrinkled my nose. "Did you go skinny dipping?"

"Yup, we were young and didn't care about nudity, because we all did it," he said. "When we got older, we were concerned the girls were around when we heard giggling in the bushes, so we stayed in the water. Billy was the brave one; he chased them away. He was a big kid and pretended to be a monster. The girls ran away screaming, but later they whispered among themselves and pointed at us. It was part of an act every summer."

"But those are good memories from your childhood," I said. Mikal grinned and nodded, and I reminisced about my summers. "Our swimming hole was a large, cemented, public swimming pool by the beach. I barely learned to swim, because I hated my face in the water, so I dog paddled. We played in the waves at the beach, so I didn't swim much."

"Weren't you afraid of the big waves?" he asked.

"No, part of the fun was being knocked down, or we dove under them." I smiled at the memories. "One summer the life guards were on the beach when my girlfriend and I came out of the water. We were about 14. They were watching us because of a bad rip current, but we laughed and said we were fine. When you're raised around the ocean, you know what to do."

"Will you take me to the beach this summer?" Mikal said.

"Love to," I said. "The ocean water must be cleaner than your pond. Wasn't it dirty and mucky?"

He laughed. "Yea, it was, but when you're a kid and it's hot, and it's the only thing you have, a little muck doesn't matter. It's okay when you're in the middle of the pond, but you get out fast, because the mud oozes through your toes and sticks to your feet. We were never sick, but don't open the vile; could be anything in the water. Maybe we were immune to the bugs."

I held the vile at arm's length and made a face at it. "Yuck. We think the ol' swimming hole is part of the romantic south, but maybe not. You never worried about pollution when you were a little kid, did you?"

"No," Mikal shuddered. "It's probably dumb luck we didn't die or get some terrible disease. I don't want to know what's in the vile, so on that pleasant thought; we will change direction and have a guitar lesson. Okay?"

"Great. Here on the couch or shall I get a stool?" I asked.

"Stool's good," he said. "It will be easier to place your fingers."

"What's the song today?"

"Row Your Boat," he said.

"That's not about a swimming hole, Mikal."

"Sure it is," he teased. "Sometimes we nailed boards together to make a raft. We paddled it around the pond, so we rowed our boat in the swimming hole."

"You're stretching it, Mikal." We both laughed as he shrugged and handed the guitar to me.

I spent the next hour learning the song. It was faster, had more cords, but I learned quickly. When I had enough of the Row Boat song, I stood and handed the guitar to Mikal. "Enough today, I think I grew roots to the stool."

"Good job. Keep practicing," he said. "You can keep this guitar. You'll sing your new song next Thursday."

While Mikal put the guitar in the case, I did deep knee bends and stretched toward the ceiling. I lost my balance, and he caught me. The instant embrace surprised us. We both gasped, followed by a silent gaze, held too long.

I mumbled, "Thanks for rescuing me."

Mikal spoke in a whisper. "I wouldn't want a bruise on your pretty caboose."

I grinned evilly, and said, "You still don't get an inspection."

"Maybe someday," he said and held me a little tighter. His lips were close to mine.

My heart raced and my breaths were short and fast. I patted his shoulder and gently pushed him away, saying, "We should cool off, Mikal. Your kisses get us in trouble." I fanned myself and sat on the stool for support. When I was so close to Mikal, my heart raced and I felt weak.

We were quiet, while we recovered. Mikal picked up his hat and turned toward the door. "I should go. I need to get some music for Ken, before I go to church tonight."

I hadn't moved from the stool, but said, "I need to change clothes, so I'll see you later, Mikal."

"I could wait, if you want to come with me," he said. We could get a bite before church."

I smiled and laughed, saying, "I don't think it's a good idea. Let the wolf take me to his lair?"

Mikal feigned shock. "Me a wolf? You'd be safe. You're not wearing a red cape."

I raised an eyebrow, replying, "You're so sly. Maybe you're part fox. I think I'll stay here in my brick house."

"Wrong wolf, Suzy. That one was after the pigs." He winked and settled his hat on his head, but before I could stop him, he kissed me on the cheek, and said, "Later, Miss Red."

He left through the front door, his truck started, and he drove away. The room seemed empty, but I felt warm, as if someone was holding a cuddly blanket around me, protecting me.

The next week at Balboa, Rosie spoke in her usual clipped speech. "Water dirty, don' touch." I knew not to ask how she knew I received a vile of water from Mikal.

"Mikal gave me a red rose and the box opened," I said to her. No comment, so I squeezed her hand, smiled, and walked to the piano where everyone was gathered. I turned back, and saw she nodded off to sleep.

Chapter 17

The next two weeks were uneventful. Mikal and I sat together in church, went out to eat, and went to Balboa Gardens on Thursdays. I began thinking about Jesse because he would be home soon from school, then one more year until his graduation. I was becoming nervous about how to explain Mikal.

Jesse called Tuesday to say he would be home on Thursday. "I'll pick you up at your house when you get home from work. We need to do something special, the two of us, alone. Okay?"

"Jesse, I can't wait," I said. "It's been so long since you've been home. Let's keep it simple Thursday and plan something special for Friday. Thursday, we have a birthday party at the senior's home. I need to stay for an hour; then we can go."

"Why would I want to spend our first night with a bunch of old people?" he asked.

"Jesse, be nice. I've planned this a long time. You couldn't tell me when you'd be home. I'll try to leave work early on Friday, so we'll have the whole weekend together."

"I have plans Saturday morning, but we can go out Saturday afternoon and evening. I go back Sunday," he said.

I was disappointed, and said, "Jesse, we never have much time together, but we'll make the best of it."

"You made your own plans; I can make mine, Suzy. We'll have more time if you don't go to that party. Why can't you skip it?" He said.

"I promised. I love you, Jesse, and I can't wait 'til you're home."

"Yea, see you Thursday. Bye Suz."

I was excited, but emptiness gnawed at my insides, and I put it off to our time apart. Everything will be wonderful when Jesse is here."

Jesse's coming home. My excitement intensified, but I dreaded telling Mikal. Mikal and I were together at least three times a week. Our relationship strengthened, but he had not touched me again or expressed feelings, more than friendship. His little presents were special; the dogwood flower, the rose, pieces of the barn, and the dirty pond water. Jesse and Mikal were different, but when Jesse comes home, we will renew our love and promises to each other.

Wednesday evening, Mikal arrived at choir practice after we began and waived from his section. I nodded in acknowledgement. Practice ran long, so we rushed to the service. I think Mikal sensed a problem by the way he kept eyeing me, so I evaded his glances.

After church I was telling Sara, Jesse would be home Thursday. Mikal strolled over, "Hey, you two look like you ate the canary." He examined us, and asked, "What's going on?"

"I'll tell you in the truck," I said. I turned to Sara, made a face of terror, and took a deep breath. "Bye, Sara, see you tomorrow."

"Hope so, good luck," she said.

Mikal eyed us again, and then he took my arm and guided me toward the parking lot. We didn't talk until after we were in the truck. "Do we talk here or somewhere else?" he said.

"Let's go to the park by my house," I said.

"Okay," Mikal said, as he set his hat snuggly on his head, signaling he wasn't happy. At the park, he pulled into a parking space away from crowds. He turned in his seat, draping his arm over the steering wheel, and said, "Okay...I'm listening." He never minced words.

I hesitated, turned away, gathering my courage, and said, "Jesse's coming home."

"When?"

"Tomorrow," I said. Mikal closed his eyes and listened. "He called last night." I paused and chewed on a fingernail. "Mikal, I don't know how to handle this." I turned back to him. "I mean you and Jesse meeting."

Silence reigned, while Mikal studied me, until he said, "I gather you haven't told him about me."

"In my letters, I told Jesse about the chicken cook off and the Balboa home, but certainly not how much time we spend together. I've never mentioned your little gifts," I said.

Mikal removed his hat, recurled the brim, reset the top crease, and set it on the back of the seat. I watched with dread; his hat spoke as loudly as his words, his sternness unsettling as he spoke, "Am I supposed to disappear until he's gone?"

"No!" I said emphatically. "You need to know Jesse will be home. I don't want any surprises. I'm bringing him to Aunt Sally's party."

He sat up straight. "You're what?" he said, astonished. He sat motionless, except for rubbing his forehead. "Man, you're throwing me to the lions," he said.

"What do you mean, Mikal? We don't do anything wrong."

"Suzy," he said, "meeting Jesse at Balboa for the first time, is not the same as being one person in a crowd at church. He'll meet me in all my blaze and glory, with my friends, on my territory. One look at you, us, and he'll think we have something between us. We have a special rapport with those people, the way we sing, and the way we interact. We lose ourselves in the excitement of the moment. Part of it is theater, Suzy.... But part of it is us."

"I didn't think of it that way, Mikal. I promised to be at the home tomorrow and I wanted to share what I do with Jesse."

He rubbed his forehead, and said, "Suzy...He's your fiancé. You can't flaunt a friendship with another guy."

"So I shouldn't bring him tomorrow?" I asked.

"Come if you want, but we have to watch what we do. Strictly business," he said.

"Can we handle it?" I asked.

"We have to, or it's over," he said. "Suzy, we both know our relationship will end one day, but I hadn't planned for it to be tomorrow."

Mikal donned his hat and took me home. In front of the house, he took my hand and lightly kissed my fingertips. "I'm a good actor. Treat me the same as Sara and Ken. We can do this."

I gave Mikal a quick hug before I jumped from the truck and went into the house. As he drove away, I wondered if Mikal was right, Jesse might draw the wrong conclusions.

Chapter 18

Antsy described me on Thursday, because Jesse will be home today. I couldn't concentrate. I didn't hear people talk to me. I was excited, but at the same time, nervous, because Jesse and Mikal will meet. Mikal was right; what got into me, planning to bring Jesse to the Balboa Home tonight?

Mikal and I did nothing wrong, nothing to compromise my promises and love for Jesse. Sara says I glow when Mikal and I are together, and there's magnetism between us. He ogles me and touches me as if I'm a delicate piece of china. If it's true, can we hide our special closeness and act normal? Jesse and I need to renew our love. It's hard to stay committed when he's been gone so long, especially since I seldom hear from him.

At 4:30 p.m., my boss told me I was useless today. She said go home and come back Monday with renewed fire. I would be off Friday, too. She, and everyone else, knew Jesse was coming home today. I nearly ran a red light, thinking of our weekend, but I made it home.

Jesse pulled into the driveway as I stepped out of my car. I dropped everything and I ran to him, yanking open the car door before he could set the brake. I jammed myself between him and the steering wheel, threw my arms around his neck, and gave him a big kiss.

He managed to slide the seat back as far as it would go. He pulled me onto his lap, and hungrily returned my kisses. "My sweet Suzy; I'm so glad to be home, I've missed you so much."

"I love you, Jesse," I said. "It's been too long, but you're here now. And, good news, I have tomorrow off."

"Umm, that's wonderful," he said as he squirmed under my awkward position, he slid his hands down my body and kissed me lower and lower on my neck. "We have to find some place private, Suz, and more comfortable. All the way home I've thought of nothing but being alone with you." His hands became aggressive as they moved under my blouse, over my bare skin, and then he turned me enough so he could hold my breast. My body was beginning to react to his touches. He lifted my blouse, pushed up my bra, leaned down and began sucking on my breast. "Oh baby, I've waited so long to touch you like this."

I gasped.... It was partly from the sensation and partly from shock. "Jesse." I tried to push away from him, and said, "Jesse, stop."

"No, Sweets, you taste so good." His hand was massaging my breast at the same time; I panicked.

"Jesse, we can't do this here," I said, gasping. I pushed him harder until, reluctantly, he lifted his head. His lips returned to my mouth with a long, hard kiss, his tongue seeking mine. His hand remained on my breast, caressing it, until shock waves electrified my body. "Oh Jesse, what are you doing to me?"

"This is just the beginning, Sweet Suzy. I could eat you up, right now," he said, and reached down so the back of the seat flew backwards under our weight. He pulled me upward until I was lying on top of him and our kisses intensified. His hand roamed inside the elastic waistband of my pants until his hand molded to the form of my bare butt.

The slam of a car door brought me to the reality of our surroundings. I pushed away until I could sit up. I was gasping. "Jesse, we can't do this here. It's broad daylight. People are around."

"Where then? When? I've come a long way to be with you," he said.

He tried to drag me down to him again, but I clung to the steering wheel. "No, Jesse, not now." I managed to get out of the car and leaned on the open door, my head on my arms, trying to calm down. "I need to change clothes and straighten myself up. Do you want to come in with me?" I said.

"No, I'll wait here and recoup," he said. He was upright, holding the top of the steering wheel, with his forehead on his hands.

My clothes were askew, so I straightened them. Inside the house, Gram halted in her tracks, and asked, "What happened to...?" She stopped mid sentence when she saw Jesse's car in the driveway. "Oh!" She stood with her arms crossed. "If you're going anywhere tonight, you have some work to do on yourself."

"Yes Ma'am." I said, glancing at her.

Gram took my hands in hers. "You be careful with Jesse. He's a man now, not a high school boy." She brushed a stray curl from my face. "All of a sudden I am mindful we didn't talk enough about the birds and the bees. I wasn't worried about Mikal taking care of things, but I'm not so sure about Jesse." She raised my chin with her finger until I looked at her. "Don't let him do anything without protection. Do you understand me?"

"Yes Ma'am." I nodded and hugged her and went to clean up. In the bathroom mirror, my face was flushed. How could I keep Jesse under control? After his touches and kisses, all those church sermons were swimming in my head. I washed my face, and I was feeling calmer. I pulled my hair into a ponytail, put on a little lipstick, and changed clothes.

When I returned to Jesse's car, he had it back in order. I gave him a quick kiss. He wound my ponytail around his fingers, and pulled me to his mouth for a long, hot kiss. "Do we have to go to that party?" he asked.

"Yes, but only for an hour. Let's get a hamburger first," I said.

"Fine, but you owe me." He drove to the nearest diner to eat and catch up on the latest gossip. Afterwards, I gave him directions to Balboa, where we walked across the parking lot with our arms around each other. As we approached the door, I could hear the music. We entered the room holding hands and I smiled at Jesse. "It'll be fun. Maybe you can play for us."

"Hmm, we'll see," he said.

We stood near the back wall, with Jesse's arm around my shoulder. I missed the hush sweeping through the group of seniors. I waived at Sara, Ken, and Mikal, Mikal hesitated, but quickly recovered. He got into his song and concentrated on the audience.

Jesse nodded to Sara and Ken, because they were old friends. He leaned toward me, and said, "Who's the hayseed in the cowboy outfit?"

"Jesse! You're not being nice. His name is Mikal. He's new at church and his aunt lives here. That's her in the red dress." I pointed at her, waived, and blew a kiss. "It's her 80th birthday. She's a spry old girl. You should see Mikal and her dance."

"Must be a thrill," he said.

"Jesse!" I punched him.

When the song was over, we went to the piano. Jesse hugged Sara and shook hands with Ken. Ken pretended to box Jesse and play punched him in the stomach.

"Hey man, welcome home," Ken said.

"Thanks, it's been too long."

I turned Jesse to Mikal. "Jesse this is Mikal, Mikal, Jesse."

Mikal extended his hand, and said, "Hi, I heard a lot about you."

Jesse shook his hand, but eyed him cautiously. "Haven't heard about you," he said coolly. He looked from Mikal, to me, and back to Mikal.

"Ah well, lines get crossed sometimes," said Mikal, who was friendly and pleasant to Jesse. "Suzy tells me you play a mean piano, care to join us?" Mikal pointed to the crowd. "They would love to hear something good. The four of us do what we can to entertain them, but it's mostly church songs, because it's the only thing we all know."

Sara slid across the piano bench and motioned Jesse to join her. "Let's play a duet. How about the one we did at camp?" she said. Jesse nodded and sat next to Sara as she introduced him. "Hey everyone, this is Jesse. He's way better than me."

Jesse and Sara played their famous ragtime. The seniors applauded loudly.

Sara stood and said, "Now show off what you can do, Jesse."

Mikal, Sara, Ken, and I went to the stools behind the piano. As we walked away, Mikal automatically, touched my back to guide me. I didn't think Jesse would react to a common courtesy. He played one of his prize winning songs. It was a bit high classed for the atmosphere, but everyone clapped.

Mikal suggested Jesse, Ken, and he have a dueling piano, banjo, and guitar session; then each could play a solo. They tried to outdo the other, showing their best stuff. It was a little intense for a while, so Ken finally backed off and let Mikal and Jesse go at it. They each took turns trying to top their last run. Sara frowned worriedly at me.

When it ended, Mikal shook hands with Ken. "Great job, buddy." He reached for Jesse's hand. "Hey, you're not bad either."

Jesse glared at Mikal, but shook his hand because everyone was watching and clapping. "I don't let myself get bested," Jesse said, and walked away from Mikal to find a chair against the wall.

Sara, Ken, Mikal, and I continued our usual program, but Mikal avoided any love songs. When Sara and Ken sang one, Mikal walked across the room to his aunt, avoiding Jesse and me.

During Sara and Ken's love song, I sat close to Jesse. Soon Rosie was sitting next to him. "Dey in love." Jesse tried to shift in his chair so he wasn't so close to her, but Rosie took hold of his wrist and said, "You don' love her. Have too many girl'."

"What are you talking about, old woman. You don't know me," Jesse said. He yanked his hand away and I moved my chair, so Jesse could move his.

"Rosie know all," she said.

"You know nothing. Get away from me," Jesse said to Rosie. He jumped when he felt her gnarled old finger touch his hand.

Rosie reached into her pocket, took out a little black bag, and waived it at him. "You hurt dat girl, lose mojo. Won't work no more." She stared at him with her good eye.

"Don't touch me, you crazy old woman. I don't know what you're talking about, but you can't scare me with some phony witches spell." He stood and led me away from Rosie.

I glared at Rosie, then said to Jesse, "Don't pay any attention to her; she's kind of weird sometimes. She's the one I told you about."

"Really weird! When are we getting away from here?" he complained.

"We'll sing Happy Birthday and cut the cake. We ate dinner, but I can't pass up chocolate cake," I said.

Jesse pulled me close to him, nibbled on my ear, and whispered, "I can't wait to have you for dessert."

I pushed him away, nodded toward the seniors; some were observing us. "Careful, they're watching us, Jesse. You'll give them all heart attacks."

Jesse saw Rosie watching us, so he pulled me close to him and said, "Give me a big, juicy, kiss and maybe the old bat will bite the dust."

I ducked his kiss. "Jesse, you're mean tonight. Come have some cake, maybe it will sweeten your disposition."

We sang "Happy Birthday" to Aunt Sally and ate cake and ice cream. The staff began cleaning and taking people to their rooms. Jesse talked to Ken until Sara said they needed to go. Ken and Mikal retrieved their instruments and we all offered a final birthday wish to Mikal's aunt; then left together.

Jesse approached Mikal, while he was putting his guitar into his truck. Mikal turned and extended his hand. "Nice to meet you Jesse, you have one special lady," he said.

Jesse didn't shake Mikal's hand, but warned him, "Stay away from her, plowboy."

Mikal snuggled his hat on his head, gave a little snort, looked Jesse in the eye, and said, "I'll stay away, as long as you don't. A body's got to tend what's his, to keep it."

Jesse took a swing at Mikal, but Mikal ducked and Jesse's fist slammed into the cab of the truck. Jesse screamed, "Damn you, son-of-a-bitch. If I broke my hand, I'll kill you."

We were watching Jesse and Mikal, but we didn't expect a fistfight. We all ran to them.

I took Jesse's hand, kissed it, and said, "That was dumb, if you hurt your hand.'

When I glanced at Mikal, he winked at me. "Just a misunderstanding." He went around the truck and climbed in. The windows were down, and he grinned at Jesse and said, "You can't best a country boy."

Jesse glared at him. "Let's get out of here," he said to me. He grabbed my hand and stomped to his car, flexing his other hand to make sure it was okay. As we drove away, Rosie was sitting by the window, grinning ear to ear. She was waiving her little black bag.

Jesse drove straight to my house and parked in the driveway. I was confused. "Aren't we going anywhere? It's early," I said.

"You're not 21 yet. You can't go anywhere I want to go tonight." He was staring straight ahead clenching the steering wheel with both fists. He turned suddenly, grabbed my arm and said, "You stay away from that guy, you hear? I don't know what's going on, but you're mine."

"Jesse," I said, "Mikal and I are friends; that's all."

He threw my arm into my lap and turned away. "Yea sure, I saw how he looked at you and touched you. That was more than being a friend, Suzy. Who taught you to play your cute little song...Mikal? I need a drink. I'll call you tomorrow morning," he said with vehemence.

"When did you start drinking?" I asked.

"I'm a big boy now, so get off my back, Suzy."

I left the car and Jesse shot out of the driveway, his tires squealing as he sped away. I was shocked and hurt. Mikal and I hadn't done anything to make Jesse suspicious. Had Jesse changed so much or was he overly jealous? Was Mikal right, does our special friendship show?

Chapter 19

Jesse sped through the streets, not sure, where he was going. He pounded the steering wheel and talked aloud to himself. "She can't treat me like scum while that Mikal makes eyes at her. She says they're just friends and haven't done anything. Women are all the same. She's a lying bitch." Jesse turned onto Elton Blvd. Several bars lined the street, so he randomly picked one and entered it.

The bar was dark, but his eyes soon adjusted. It was a normal bar with tables and booths, a tiny dance floor, a blaring jukebox, two pool tables in the back, and a long bar along one side. He chose the bar; he was here to drink.

The bar tender was ready for his order by the time he straddled a barstool. "What'll you have, sonny? Got ID?"

" _Beer, whatever's on tap is fine." Jesse showed his driver's license, took out a twenty, and laid the bill on the bar. He dropped his head onto his arms, clenching and unclenching his fists, thinking about Suzy and Mikal, and that crazy old woman with the little black bag. After a few minutes, he sat up, rubbed his eyes, and took a long drink of the beer, which magically appeared in front of him. It was good and cold and he held the glass high to examine its' half empty state. "At least I have one friend, although though you won't be around long." He chuckled at himself for talking to a glass, and took another long drink. "Know what, pal? I can find another friend real quick." He checked to see if anyone heard him talking to his beer, and then motioned to the bar tender for another one._

The lady sitting two stools away heard his remark and grinned at Jesse when he glanced at her. "Sounds like you lost your last friend," she said.

" _Just my girl," said Jesse._

She turned toward him, and stuck out her chest to display a large kitten face on her tank top shirt. She accentuated her amply stuffed shirt with an obvious wiggle. "Like my kitty?" she said. "We could be your friends; then you'd have two. What's your name?"

" _Jesse," he said, eyeing her cautiously. It was obvious she was here to meet men, and why. What the heck, he thought. "You and your kitty have names?" He asked._

" _I'm Gloria." She pronounced it Glow-ria. She ran a long nail, painted neon pink, over the kitty's face. "This is kitty. She likes to be petted." She wiggled again and leaned closer._

Jesse turned away and thought, Oh man, isn't she a trip, but maybe she's what I need tonight.

As quietly as a cat, Gloria moved to the stool next to Jesse. He jumped when her kitty brushed against his arm. "Hey, you're a little jumpy, Jesse. Kitty doesn't bite, unless you want her to." She brushed the kitty across his arm again, her speech more a purr than words. "See how soft she is? You like kitties?"

Jesse didn't move from her advances. "Yea, I like all animals. When I was a kid, I was going to be a vet, but I decided on music instead."

" _Oh, yea? If everyone loved animals, the world would be a better place. Music's good too," Gloria said._

Jesse raised his glass for a salute, "Hear, hear! Here's to all the people who love animals and music."

Gloria touched her glass to his and took another drink before saying, "I believe God made kitties to make us happy. Whenever I see a little, soft kitty, I smile. I have a scrapbook full of kitty pictures. My favorite ones are lying on their backs with their bellies up waiting to be scratched. Maybe you'd like to see my kitty book?"

" _Ah, maybe later. You have kitties I could play with?" asked Jesse._

Gloria giggled. "Yea and my kitty's already purring."

Jesse decided it might be a good idea to get away from the bar. "Why don't we go to a booth in the back? Want another drink? What are you drinking, anyway?"

" _I invented it," said Gloria. "It's a Fuzzy Kitty."_

Jesse picked up the glass with the remains of a pink, frothy drink and asked, "What's in it?"

Gloria rolled her eyes, and said, "It's got strawberry liquor, vodka, cream, and a little ice. You put it in the blender until it gets frothy. It slides down like a silky feather, with a little tickle in it. Want one?"

" _No, I think I'll stick with something more manly," Jesse said, laughing at her. "My beer's pretty good."_

" _You need something more manly than a beer." Gloria motioned to the bar tender. "I'll have another Fuzzy Kitty and bring Jesse a Long Island, "she said, ogling Jesse. "You'll forget your troubles faster than drinking beer."_

" _Good idea," he replied. Their drinks came and the rest of his twenty disappeared. Jesse led her to a booth and they slid in side by side._

" _What's your girl's name?" Gloria asked._

" _Sweet Suzy." Jesse said, then sipped his drink, blinked his eyes, and shook his head. "Wow, that'll do the job. What's in it?"_

" _A Long Island's got a little vodka, rum, gin, and tequila," she said. "The world will appear better in a few minutes. So what happened with Sweet Suzy?"_

Jesse took another drink and blinked again. "We've been engaged since high school and we promised to get married after I finish college next year."

" _Sounds like a normal love story, high school sweethearts in love forever," she said._

" _I thought so, until I came home this time," Jesse said. "She met some cowboy and she's in love with him. She says they're 'just friends', but he looks at her like she's chocolate candy and she almost melts when she's near him. They tried to hide it, but one look and I saw what's going on."_

" _They doin' it?" asked Gloria._

" _She says no, but she's lying," he said._

Gloria ran the long pink fingernail up and down Jesse's arm. She leaned closer and kissed him. Jesse returned her kiss, a long, wet kiss. She strolled toward the jukebox, which was playing a slow sexy song. "Want'a dance? I can make you forget her." Jesse followed.

Gloria selected several slow songs, so they could dance for a while. Jesse held her close. She swayed so her "kitties" rubbed against his chest and she nibbled his ear and said, "You're a good dancer Jesse, like you've been at it a long time. I bet you know how to make a girl happy. Suzy must be nuts to let you go. Bet the other guy can't do what you do for her."

" _Ha!" Jesse said. "She's too churchy. She believes you have to wait until you're married. I can't get to second base with her. After I come down here, I go back frustrated, and I'm climbing the walls."_

" _That's a sin. Ha-ha, good joke. It's a sin the church won't let you sin." They both laughed and Gloria nibbled his ear and asked, "You afraid to sin?"_

" _I've done a little sinning," Jesse said, and kissed her ear; then he moved his kisses to her neck. The music became faster, so they returned to the booth._

Gloria encouraged Jesse to drink, while she slowly sipped hers. The bar tender didn't add much vodka so she wouldn't get plastered; she needed to last for several hours.

As the drink dulled his senses, Jesse's inhibitions loosened. In the dark, no one paid much attention to Jesse's aggressiveness.

Jesse traced the kitty's face, its ears, its eyes, and its nose with his finger. Then, he traced each whisker outward from the nose, moving his finger over each of Gloria's nipples several times. She giggled and squirmed from the sensation. Jesse's kisses advanced lower into her cleavage. His tongue traced the deep gully between her breasts. Gloria giggled louder and pulled his head down into the soft folds.

Lifting his head enough to talk in a whisper, he said, "Do I pet the kitty nice?" Gloria moaned her approval. Jesse inserted his finger through the armhole so he was stroking the inside of her shirt. "Can I pet the kitty's back?" Gloria moaned, because now he was caressing the soft mounds of skin erupting from her tight bra. When he inserted his fingers inside her bra and pinched her nipples, she shrieked. Jesse laughed softly.

The shriek got the attention of the bar tender. He walked over to their booth, and said, "Hey kids, this a bar, not a motel. Maybe it's time to find another location. I'm not licensed for X-rated shows."

Gloria and Jesse sat up giggling. Jesse pulled her ear to his mouth and kissed it between words. "Got somewhere we can go?"

" _Sure for two twenties and you pay for the room. The room's on special, ten bucks an hour," she said._

" _Deal," Jesse said trying to stand, but braced himself on the table. "Can we walk? I don't think I can drive."_

" _Yea, next block," she said. "You can leave your car here." As they staggered out the door, Gloria waved to the bar tender. "See you later, if I'm lucky."_

Gloria maneuvered Jesse to the fleabag motel. She told Jesse to leave a ten in the basket and she picked up a key. Luckily, the room was on the first floor, so she didn't have to drag him upstairs.

Jesse collapsed onto the bed after they were in the room. He motioned her to him, and said, "Do I get to pet the kitty, and maybe play with the kitty's pillows?"

" _You can play with the kitty after I play with two Mr. Jacksons." Jesse handed his wallet to Gloria. She found what she wanted, waved the bills at him so he could see them, and returned his wallet._

Jesse grabbed Gloria by the wrist and pulled her on top of him. "Now I can play with the kitty, right? Here kitty, kitty." He adjusted his position so he could kiss her shirt and cleavage. "Nice kitty," he managed to say between slurpy kisses. He stretched the front of her shirt to reach more skin.

" _Why don't you take it off so you don't rip apart the kitty?" she said._

" _Good idea," Jesse said, as he pulled her shirt over her head. "Bye, bye, kitty. O-o-h, pretty pink bra, but it's in the way." He undid the clasp in the front, the bra fell away, and two of the biggest globes he had ever seen, fell into his hands. "Them's worth the forty." Jesse slowly massaged and kissed the two huge mounds, uttering moans of enjoyment._

While Jesse was enjoying Gloria's assets, she was working on Jesse, hopping to make this a short fling, so she could get back to the bar. She unsnapped his jeans, opened the zipper, and peeked inside his pants. "Hey, little man, you better grow up fast if you want to get your money's worth." She peered at Jesse and said, "He doesn't seem too interested. You're too young to have problems sealing the deal."

Jesse mumbled something she couldn't understand about a stupid old woman. He rolled over and moaned. "Must be all the drinks I mixed earlier," he said. Jesse struggled from Gloria, ran to the bathroom, and spent the next fifteen minutes with his head in the toilet. He finally emerged to find Gloria gone, but at least his wallet was intact. He flopped onto the bed and passed out.

Twenty minutes later, a banging on the door woke him. "Hey, buddy, time's up. Out'a here in five or I call the cops for breaking and entering."

" _Yea, yea, I'm on my way," Jesse said, and barely pulled himself together, staggering down the hall._

As he passed the front desk, the attendant called out, "Gloria said to tell you, your car is at the bar." He shook his head as Jesse left and muttered, "That one'll be hurtin' tomorrow."

Jesse found his car; got in and passed out. The bar made a deal with the cops; they would ignore anyone sleeping in their car, until dawn. They checked that the doors were locked, because of the night folk who prowled the streets. It cut down on drunken driving accidents. Per agreement, Jesse woke at dawn to a cop tapping on his car window. The cop made sure he could navigate himself and sent him home.

Jesse barely focused his eyes and his head throbbed like never before. He managed to get home and collapsed on his bed.

Sunlight woke Jesse; he looked at the clock by his bed, saying to himself, "It's 3:00. It's daylight, so it must be afternoon. God, my head hurts." Jesse sat on the side of the bed with his head in his hands. Everything was spinning. He staggered to the bathroom to throw up. His eyes were bloodshot in the reflection of the mirror. "Oh, my head, I can't drink like that anymore. Ha, and I don't remember if I got it on with Gloria." Jesse staggered into the den to his father's bar and managed to find the ingredients for a Bloody Mary, although his father only had brandy to use. He held the cold glass to his head between sips. After half an hour, he began to recover. Thank God, his father was at work, or he would have to suffer his wrath, also.

As Jesse stared into the mirror behind his father's bar, he vaguely remembered Gloria's kitty shirt, and playing with the kitty face. He dropped his head onto his arms on the bar top. He sat up with a start. "Suzy... Oh God, we were supposed to do something together today, but I can't remember what."

Jesse smiled as he thought about Gloria's assets and compared her to Suzy. He took his wallet from his pocket; he was still dressed from the night before. He removed the picture of Suzy and him at the prom. She was a pretty girl. She's twenty years old now and he's twenty-one. Wasn't it time for her to be a woman with him? He ran his thumb over her face and body in the picture, talking to it, "Suzy, we need to have a serious talk about the real world. It's not natural for a man and woman, our ages, to be celibate." He put the picture in his wallet, slid it in his back pocket, and went to the bathroom for a long, hot shower. He felt better and was ready to face Suzy.

Chapter 20

I answered the doorbell when it rang. Jesse's car was in front and he was leaning against the door jam. Coolly, I said, "Hi."

"May I come in?" he said. "I want to apologize for leaving you last night."

I scrutinized him long and hard. Something was not right, and why was he wearing sunglasses? Jesse hates sunglasses. I was concerned because Gram was not home. I opened the screen door, but walked away as he entered.

Jesse stood in the middle of the room, with his hands in the pockets of his jeans. He removed his sunglasses, blinked and said, "Suzy, I'm sorry I left you last night."

Now inside, I could see Jesse more clearly, so I said, "You look terrible, and your eyes are blood shot. Did you go to a party last night?"

"Don't yell, Suzy; I don't feel good."

"If you have a hangover Jesse, it serves you right. A hang over is God's way of..."

Jesse cut me off mid-sentence. "Don't preach at me, okay?" he said, running his fingers through his hair. "I'm being punished enough."

Astonished, I faced him with folded arms, and said, "Why are you here? It's a little late to spend the day together, since its 4:30 p.m. You don't seem to be in any shape to spend the evening together, either."

Jesse shuffled his feet and stared at the floor. "I'm sorry Suzy, but you and Mikal together, ticked me off. You two seemed to have a thing going." He stared at me before continuing, "Maybe you think you are just friends, but believe me, there's more." He was losing his calmness. "Then the old broad in the wheel chair started in on me. She doesn't know me, so she has no business talking to me the way she did. She said she would put some spell on me if I hurt you. Why would I hurt you? I love you, Suzy. We're supposed to be engaged."

Jesse stepped toward me, but I backed away, and put my hands up to stop him. "That's close enough for now, you smell like booze."

Jesse scowled at the floor as he spoke, "Suz, I want to be with you. We're not kids anymore. You're twenty, I'm twenty-one, and we're adults in every sense. We have emotional and physical needs."

"If you mean sex, you know how I was raised. We were both brought up in the same church," I said.

"Suzy, for Pete's sake, this isn't Christ's time; it's the 1980's. Things have changed. Back then, girls married by fifteen and bore two or three kids by your age. I'd have married you and taken you with me, but I couldn't have supported you and gone to school. And, God, if a baby came along, we'd have been up a creek."

"Jesse, you know I have no problem waiting until you graduate from school to get married. I'm working and trying to save a little money for us," I said.

"I know, but I need you, Suzy. We've hardly seen each other for three years, which is a long time apart." Jesse ran a hand over his forehead and into his hair. He stared into my eyes, and asked, "Are you still a virgin?"

"Yes!"

"You haven't had sex with Mikal?"

"I said I was a virgin, Jesse!"

Jesse turned away, raised his hands in frustration, and then looked back at me, continuing his interrogation, "Have you kissed him? I don't mean a peck on the cheek, I mean the way a man and woman kiss."

"Once, but I stopped it," I said.

"Why?"

"It wasn't right Jesse, I've made promises to you, and I intend to keep them." I was afraid to ask, but the time was right. "Have you kept your promises to me?"

Jesse looked away, at the floor, the ceiling, before admitting the truth, "Suzy I'm twenty-one. I've been away from you, my friends, and my family. I'm not a monk. I have needs, and college girls are willing, so yes, I've been with other girls. I'm not in love with any of them; they're just girls, having a good time. It doesn't mean I don't love you."

Jesse reached out to draw me closer to him, but I avoided his touch. "Jesse stop," I said, "I don't want you to touch me right now. It's okay for the boys to play, but not the girls. I could have slept with Mikal, but I didn't. I didn't because I made promises to you and I kept those promises."

"I'm sorry, Suz. I didn't mean to hurt you. I want to be with you, not other girls." He pulled me into his arms, kissed my forehead, my eyes, my cheeks, and softly kissed my mouth.

The kisses and caresses were so gentle and warm, I soon forgot I was mad at him and I returned the kisses. I loved Jesse and I wanted to be with him, but not the way he wanted. The kissing and touching became hotter, but I didn't resist yet.

Jesse spoke in raspy words. "Let me show you how much fun we can have." He kissed me. "I'll teach you how good it is to be with a man." He pulled my jeans to his jeans. "Suzy, I want to touch you, feel you, and hold you close to me. I want us to be one."

My body burned under the feel of his lips, his fingers, his words, and the sensations of our bodies so close together. Jesse's touches that began slowly and gently were becoming more intense. He pulled the tail of my shirt from my pants and caressed my bare skin. He unbuttoned my shirt, almost without me realizing it, until I felt his clothes against my skin. His kisses moved from my neck downward, to the top of my bra, where he ran his tongue along the lace edge. I tightened at the intimacy. His mouth retreated to my ear. "I won't hurt you Suzy, let me love you. I'll make it feel so good."

"Jesse..." He stopped my words with a long, heated kiss. His lips and tongue increased my arousal as my body was pressed to his. Each time I tensed and tried to back away, he slowed and cooed sweet words in my ear. His hands roved over my back and under my shirt to unhook my bra. When the back slackened, I tried to hold him away from me, which made it easier for him to caress my breasts under the loose bra. He pushed the bra up and began kissing my breasts. New feelings ran through my body, but I was beginning to panic. I liked the escalating sensations, but all those no, no, no fears were surfacing. I squirmed in his hands. "Jesse no," I said.

He whispered between kisses, "You taste so good. I can't get enough of you."

I struggled to get away, but Jesse pinned me to the wall with the weight of his body. He resumed kissing my face and mouth while his hands molded my breasts to fit his palms. His kisses weren't as gentle now; he become rougher and more possessive and his words were no longer soft and loving, as he demanded, "You belong to me, Suzy. Don't back away; we're going to do this right here and now."

I pushed against him, saying, "Jesse, no...stop. You're crushing me."

"You let Mikal kiss you, why not me?" All the gentleness was gone. He glared into my eyes.

"I said I stopped, Jesse."

"But, he was close enough for kissing. What else did he do?"

"Nothing Jesse, he didn't do anything, I promise."

Jesse held my arms against the wall, while he leaned down kissing my breasts, but much rougher now, biting me. Between kissing and biting, he queried me further. He kissed my neck. "Did Mikal kiss you here?" He moved down to my cleavage. "How about here?" Then down further to my breast. "Like this?" He bit my nipple. "Did you let him bite you?"

My body was shaking and I was sobbing now. "No Jesse, he didn't do anything." I was frightened by his accusations. "Jesse, please stop, Mikal didn't touch me."

He let go of one arm and held one breast, seeming to measure it. "Not exactly a kitty pillow," he said.

"A what?" I asked.

"Gloria's got kitty pillows. The biggest I've ever seen," he said. He kissed my breast while he held it.

"Who's Gloria?" I said.

Jesse chuckled and said, "You have Mikal, so I found a friend last night. She let me do whatever I wanted to her and she knew what to do for a man." He stopped and leered into my eyes, but his eyes were cold and hard. "I kissed her all over." He followed the path he used on Gloria. He kissed my lips. "Gloria let me kiss her here." My neck. "Here." My breasts. "And especially here." He sucked harder and longer, and then moved down toward the top of my pants with his kisses. It was difficult holding my squirming body, so he stood, crushing me against the wall and glaring into my terrified eyes. "She touched me all over like I want you to do." He took my hand and slammed it against his pants zipper. "Even down here. See, it's ready for you," he said, silencing my protests with kisses.

I was crying. I tried to scream, but he forced his kisses on me. I turned my head away. "Jesse, stop," I sobbed. "I can't believe you were out with some tramp, while I was home worrying about you. Jesse please, let go of me."

He was still holding my hand at his crotch. When he tried to turn my head with the other hand, I was able to throw him off balance enough to break away. I jerked my hand from his and ran to my bedroom, but before I could shut and lock the door, he forced his way into my room. He had enough momentum to push me onto the bed. He fell on top of me and held me down. I kicked and screamed, but I was trapped beneath his weight.

He straddled my body with his legs and held my arms with his hands. He covered my body with kisses and bites. When my bra was in the way, he yanked it loose. Between kisses, he rubbed his body against mine. "I want you so much." He reached between us, undid the button on my pants, and opened the zipper.

"Jesse no, please stop," I screamed and struggled against his weight, but I couldn't escape.

He pulled at my pants and tried to get his hand inside. "You're mine and Mikal's not going to be the first to have you. I've paid my dues long enough."

Between screams and sobbing, I begged him, "Jesse, don't do this, please. It's not the right way for us."

He laughed. "Apparently, it's the only way. After the first time, you'll want more." He undid the snap on his pants. "Are you ready for Mr. Right?"

I struggled harder. "Jesse, no."

Jesse opened his zipper and reached into his pants. He stared at his hand in shock. "Damn! Not now." He took his hand out of his pants, glared at me; and then he collapsed on top of me. He buried his face in my bedspread, so his words were muffled, "Damned old woman made me lose it." He beat his fist on the mattress, still muttering, "Damn her, damn her and her little black bag!"

I heard the front door close and screamed as loud as I could. "Gram, help me. Help me!"

Gram was in the bedroom in a flash and saw Jesse lying on top of me. She grabbed a pillow and began hitting him. "Get out of here. Get out of here now."

The pillow didn't hurt him, but Jesse retreated, before she found something more effective. He scrambled off the bed, holding his arms over his head for protection. "Okay, okay. I'm gone," he said.

"Don't you ever come back to this house, young man, or I will call the cops." Gram started toward him, but stopped when she was sure he was leaving.

In Jesse's haste to leave, he bumped into the dresser and Rosie's box fell to the floor. It opened and the contents spilled. Jesse saw the dogwood, the hair, the rose petal, and the vial of water. He kicked at the box, but missed. Gram started toward him, so he left in a hurry.

After we heard the door slam shut, Gram sat on the bed and pulled me into her arms. "Did he hurt you?" she asked.

I was still crying, "No, but he intended to."

"Well I'm glad I came home when I did or it might have been another story," she said.

I calmed slightly, and said, "He'd already stopped, but I don't know why. I'm glad it's over and he's gone. Thank you, Gram."

"Do you want me to call the police?" she asked.

"No, they can't do anything now, he's gone." I clung to her for a while, until I fell onto the bed, still sobbing.

Gram pulled the bedspread over me and closed the blinds. She turned back before she left my room and blew a kiss toward me. "I love you, Suzy. You deserve better than that boy. I'll lock the doors and check all the windows in case Jesse comes back. I'll get a blanket and spend the night on the couch. You might feel better if you take a shower in a while." She turned away and closed the door behind her. I took a shower about midnight, trying to wash away Jesse's aggressiveness.

I woke and dressed before sunrise and kissed Gram on the cheek. "Thanks. I love you." I went out the front door and drove away.

****

Gram rose and watched me go. She started a pot of coffee and took some aspirin for her aching back. That couch was not for sleeping.

About 10:00 a.m., Gram heard a knock on the door. Jesse stood outside, staring at the ground with his hands in his pockets. Gram wouldn't open the door, but talked through it. "What do you want Jesse?" she demanded.

" _I want to apologize," he said._

" _Suzy's not here and if you're not off my property in 2 minutes, I'll call the cops."_

" _Where is she?" he asked._

" _If I knew I wouldn't tell you. You're using up time," she said._

Jesse ran his fingers through his hair and leaned close to the window. "I 'm sorry, Mrs. Robins. Please tell Suzy, I'm sorry," he pleaded. He went to his car, looked back at the house, and drove away.

After Gram was sure Jesse was gone, she called Mikal.

Mikal was ready to leave his house for a run and to do errands. He thought about ignoring the phone, but answered it. "Hello."

" _Mikal, this is Hanna Robins. Is Suzy with you?"_

Mikal straightened with a start, and asked, "No, what's wrong, Hanna?"

" _Jesse was here yesterday. He tried to rape her," Gram said._

" _God damn him." Mikal hit the wall and asked, "Is she okay? And what do you mean tried?"_

" _He didn't finish before I came home and chased him off. Suzy's not hurt, but I don't know where she is. She left alone a few hours ago, and Mikal, Jesse was here asking for her."_

" _Was he angry or drunk?" Mikal asked._

" _No," she said. "He said he came to apologize and left without any trouble. I'm worried about Suzy; he might be looking for her."_

" _Should we call the police?" asked Mikal._

" _We don't have enough cops in this town to chase down every hot headed kid who's mad at his girlfriend," she said._

Mikal laughed. "Yea, you're right."

" _Do you have any idea where she might go?"Gram asked._

It didn't take Mikal but a second to answer, "Yea. If she's not at Sara's, I know where to go."

" _Thanks, Mikal. Call me if you can," she said._

He tried to recall the area, but said, "If she's where I think she might be, I'm not sure I can find a phone, Hanna. If I don't find her, I will call you, so no news is good news. Bye, I'll find her."

Mikal called Sara, but she hadn't seen Suzy. Mikal relayed the story and asked her to keep an eye out for Suzy or Jesse.

As he approached La Jolla, Mikal was surprised he hadn't been given a speeding ticket. It would be a beautiful day, so the Saturday crowds were beginning to amass at the beaches. Mikal drove slowly along the street until he saw Suzy's car. "Thank God. She's here somewhere," he said aloud and parked near her car. He passed a pay phone, so he ran back to call Hanna to say he found Suzy's car. He asked her to call Sara, too.

The sun was warm on his face, and the ocean breeze cool, as Mikal began his search. This time he wouldn't let Suzy get away from him.

Chapter 21

Standing on the sea wall, I thought back to last night. Gram calmed me after Jesse left. I went to sleep, but at midnight, I woke with a start. I was terrified Jesse had returned; I felt him standing by my bed, staring at me. The sensation was so real I turned on my bed light. I looked under the bed and in my closet. I tried to sleep, but I felt dirty. I was wearing the same clothes, so I stripped, threw them away, and showered. I washed my body repeatedly, with lathers of soap, especially where Jesse touched me. The hot soapy water was soothing, and finally I purged the feel of his hands and mouth. I redressed for bed in a clean nightgown. I stripped the sheets, the blanket, the bedspread, and remade the bed. Sleep was fitful.

The sun was rising when I finally gave up trying to sleep. I dressed, said good-bye to Gram, and left the house. I drove slowly, without purpose. I stopped at the roller coaster, walked along the beach, and then continued northward. When I came to the pier, I stopped for coffee from the little stand at the entrance. I walked onto the pier and let the cool, ocean breeze refresh me, so I was glad for my yellow windbreaker.

I drove onward, stopping at the French bakery for more coffee and a bag of sweet rolls. The wonderful smells reminded me of the day I brought Mikal here. It was before the morning rush, so I went to the patio, sat at the same table, sipped my coffee, and ate a roll. It seemed safe here, and I wished Mikal could be with me. No, it was better to be alone, to contemplate what to do about Jesse. He became a different person at college, maybe book smarter, but not improved. After yesterday, loving him might be impossible.

As I left the restaurant, the hostess said, "Have a nice day."

I smiled at her. "Thanks," I said, hoping for a better day than yesterday.

Twenty minutes later, I parked near the sea wall at La Jolla. When I left home, I hadn't planned to come here, but I wasn't surprised; after all, it was my place of solace. I opened my car windows to breathe the sea air. The tide was going out, so the seals began flopping their bodies onto the rock. I watched them awhile, then laid my head on the back of the seat and dozed. The sounds of laughing children, running by the open window, woke me. I must have slept an hour.

I closed the car windows, stepped out, stretched, and locked the door.

I walked to the Cove and watched several body surfers on this beautiful morning, but no fishermen yet. Mikal would be disappointed. I chuckled to myself, remembering his disbelief. He had been amazed at the fishermen bobbing up and down in the ocean. I smiled at the memories of the day I spent with him. Mikal was so gentle and thoughtful, so different from Jesse's roughness last night. "Forget it," I said aloud, but why did my thoughts continually, return to Mikal? Was Jesse right? Had I fallen in love with Mikal instead of him?

At the seal rock, it appeared the tide was coming in. A few of the seals were scooting higher on the rock, trying to stay dry. Not a bad life, eating fish and sleeping in the warm sun.

The sea wall was dry, so I walked onto it. The railing was old and rusted, but still secure. It was warmer by the cove; here, the breeze was cool enough for my jacket; I was glad I brought it. The waves crashed on the rocks below me and the spray swept across my face. It was a soothing mist, cooling the terrible heat from the day before. I closed my eyes, taking in the sensation. Yesterday was slowly fading into the past as Mother Nature calmed my turbulent emotions.

"You're not hard to find in your yellow jacket," he said.

Jerking back to the present, and shocked, I found Mikal standing next to me. "What are you doing here?" I asked.

"A little birdie told me you had a rough day yesterday," Mikal said. "The little birdie was worried about you."

"Gram." I smiled at her concern and said, "But she didn't know where I was going. Neither did I when I left. How did you find me?"

Mikal hadn't touched me; he stood nearby, leaning on the railing, watching the ocean. He shrugged his shoulders. "I followed the yellow brick road to your yellow jacket." He grinned at me and winked. "Besides, you told me a few weeks ago, this was your favorite place to be when you had a problem. This big ol' buzzard was worried, too, so I kept circling until I found you."

"Thanks Mikal, I'm glad you're here. As I walked to The Cove earlier, I thought about the day we spent here. I was missing you; then, voila...here you are." I put my arm through his and hugged it with my head on his shoulder.

He put his hand on my arm and squeezed. "I've been watching you awhile to make sure you're okay. I didn't want to intrude, but the waves are getting bigger, so I decided you need rescuing before you're soaked." He led me from the end of the breakwater as a big wave crashed over the place where we stood a few minutes earlier.

"Wow, you rescued me twice in ten minutes!" I said, and we both laughed.

We leaned on the rail, in a dryer spot, my arm still through his. Mikal turned to me. "Want to talk about it?" he said.

Tears welled in my eyes as I turned my face from him, and said, "Not yet."

Mikal took my shoulders and turned me to face him. "When you're ready, I'm here, Suzy. I'll always be here for you."

I threw my arms around his waist, buried my head in his chest, and wept. He held me gently, kissed the top of my head, and gave me the time and comfort I needed. Aware of the security and strength he brought to me, I wondered why I had kept this man at bay. If I wasn't in love with Mikal, why was I so glad to see him?

It was time to calm down and get myself together. "Can we go to the rocks by the tide pools? It's not so crowded," I said.

"Fine, I can get the blanket from my truck. I noticed some sandy places by the beach," he said.

"Ah," I said. "That blanket got us into trouble the last time we used it."

"I promise to stay on my half," he said, "if you'll stay on your half, okay?" We both laughed and started toward Mikal's truck. "Have you eaten anything today, Suzy?"

"The French Bakery was open, so I stopped for coffee and goodies. I still have sweet rolls and cold coffee in my car. We can have a picnic."

"I suppose you ate the one with the chocolate inside," he said.

"Yep! I ate it first," I said.

"How many did you eat?"

"Only two," I said, grinning.

"Well that's about 5000 calories. And you're going to eat another one, now?" he asked.

"Mmm, maybe," I said.

"You'll be my tubby tuba girl, if you're not careful." Mikal blew up his cheeks and made the shape of a big circle with his arms.

I punched his shoulder as we reached my car. I grabbed the bag of sweet rolls, coffee, and a bottle of water. "Be nice to me or you won't get any," I said, holding the bag close to my chest. He wrestled the bag from me and ran to his truck. I tried to keep up, but panting, I collapsed against the fender.

Mikal was waiting for me as if he hadn't run at all. "Do you need to do some running? Your desk job doesn't give you much exercise," he said.

"Oh, leave me alone," I said, and took a big breath to recuperate. "You're beginning to sound like you're my mother."

As Mikal took the blanket from the truck, he laughed at me. "Come on softie, I'll race you to the beach." He took off running, while I walked in my usual slow pace.

By the time I arrived at the beach, Mikal spread the blanket on the ground. He was lying on his back, shirtless, with his hands folded behind his head. His inseparable hat was over his face as if he was asleep, and he crossed his bare legs and shoeless feet, at the ankles. His clothes were folded neatly on the corner of the blanket. His body was long and lean, the body of an athlete. Watching this beautiful man stretched out, almost naked, shocked me.

With my foot, I nudged his shoulder. In a flash, his hand snaked out and grabbed my ankle. He pulled me off balance until I fell onto the blanket next to him, where he caught me in his arms. "I have my shorts on because I was on my way to run," he said. "Did you have the foresight to wear a bathing suit under all those clothes?"

"In fact I did, because I planned to be somewhere by the water, but didn't know it would be here." I rose to my knees, crossed my arms, and reached for the bottom of my T-shirt to pull it over my head.

"Let me help." Mikal quickly got on his knees, took the bottom of my shirt, and pulled it off. When I reached to unzip my jeans, he reached to help, but I recoiled in fear. Mikal backed away, realizing why I reacted to him. He said, "I'm sorry, Suzy, I was a little too personal after your experience yesterday. I didn't intend to hurt you."

I sat on the blanket Indian style, my elbows on my knees, and my hands over my face trying not to cry. Mikal also sat cross legged, facing me so my knees touched his legs. "Give me your hands and look at me, Suzy," he said. I didn't move. "Suzy," he said as he pulled my hands from my face. My eyes were full of tears and I tried to blink them away. Mikal kissed one hand, then the other one.

"Suzy, if you can't talk to me, you need to talk to someone, and do it soon. Go to your grandmother, your doctor, a counselor, the pastor ...someone. You can't keep this bottled up inside, understand me?" I nodded, but gazed at nothing. "Do you want me to take you somewhere, or home?" I shook my head, no. "Will you talk to me about it? Not all the details, but talk about it. No matter what you tell me, I won't judge you in any way, understand?" I nodded, yes, but avoided his eyes.

Mikal waited a few minutes, took off his hat, and eyed it. He turned it around in his hands and pretended to brush off some dirt. "If you've noticed, when I have trouble talking about something, I take my hat off, run my fingers through my hair, put it back on, and scoot it around on my head until it sets just right. When it's in the perfect place, I seem to be able to say what I need to say. Don't know why, maybe it gives me time to think." He held out his hat to me. "Here, try it." I studied it and shook my head. "Come on, try it. It can't hurt," he said.

I was doubtful, but took his hat. He showed me how he held it by the front, his index finger in the crease on top, and his thumb and middle finger on each side. "Now set it on your head." I did. "Take it off, run your fingers through your hair, and put it back on, so the front brim hangs down on your forehead." I followed his instructions. "Now slide it backward and forward until it feels good, so it's in just the right place," he said. I tried, but the hat fell off my head.

We laughed so hard my eyes watered. "Mikal, I think your hat's too big for me," I said.

"Are you saying I have a big head?" he asked.

"Well, if the shoe, ah, hat fits." I grinned and shrugged my shoulders.

Mikal handed the hat to me, and said, "Try the motion again, and think about what you want to say. This time, balance it where it doesn't fall off and pretend it fits."

"Okay, one more try to keep it on," I said, and managed to keep the hat from falling. I took a big breath, deciding where to begin. The other advantage of wearing the hat was I had a place to hide. I couldn't see anything or anyone, and they couldn't see me, but I still couldn't talk.

Bruises formed on my wrists. Mikal ran a finger on one of them. "Tell me how you got these bruises," he said. He wouldn't let me pull my hand away, even though I tried.

Taking a big sobbing breath helped me begin. "Jesse held me down on the bed. I tried, but I couldn't get away. Mikal, I tried hard. He was too strong and angry. I told him to stop, but he wouldn't." Mikal held my hand and gently rubbed his thumb over the bruise. I squeezed my eyes shut and put my other hand over my mouth to stop the crying.

"You're doing fine, Suzy. Hang in with me," he said. "Was he angry when he got to your house?"

I scowled at the memory of yesterday and said, "No, no he wasn't. He came to apologize for getting mad the night before, after we were at Balboa." Mikal didn't push; he let me take it slowly. "He said he loved me and wanted to be with me. He asked if you and I had sex, but he didn't believe me when I said no. He was angry with you and told me he dated girls at college. He started kissing and touching me, but when I tried to slow him down, he became angrier. Before I knew what was happening, he pushed me against the wall and I couldn't get away." Another big sobbing gasp overtook me and I turned my head. "He told me he was with a hooker last night, and about what they did. He wanted to do the same things with me."

"Jesus, Suzy, I'm sorry," Mikal said. He ran his fingers through his hair, took my hand in both of his, massaged it, and kissed my knuckles.

I took in a sobbing breath and continued, "I finally broke away and tried to lock myself in my bedroom, but he caught me and threw me onto the bed." After a pause, I went on. "He held me down and kept kissing me and touching me. He unzipped my pants and wanted to...to touch me." I was crying again. Mikal didn't say anything, but gave me time to recover. "He unzipped his pants and just stopped."

"Stopped?" Mikal asked.

"Yes," I said, "He stopped and collapsed on top of me. He was pounding the bed and mumbling something about an old woman not getting it up. I was scared and crying too hard to understand."

"So he stopped, all of a sudden," Mikal asked, "before your grandmother came home? And he talked about an old woman?"

"Yes. When Gram came home, he was laying on me, mumbling. I screamed when I heard her because I didn't know what Jesse would do next. She came in and beat him with a pillow until he ran off."

"A pillow?" Mikal laughed. "Suzy, what happened isn't funny, but the idea of Hanna defending you with a pillow is." I laughed with him. "And he left?"

"Yes," I said.

Mikal rubbed the bruise on my wrist again. "He didn't hurt you anywhere else?"

"No, not physically." I sniffed and said, "Mikal, for years I dreamed about my honeymoon with Jesse, and about how gentle and loving he would be. I dreamt of being Cinderella, being turned into a princess." I frowned and bit my lower lip. "Even though Jesse didn't rape me, he shattered my dreams, and that's worse. Bodies heal, broken dreams don't. I don't want a man who can't respect me." The tears flowed again.

Mikal kissed my hand; then reached up to wipe my tears. "Suzy, you're right, he hurt you worse than if he completed the rape." He moved next to me so he could put his arms around me and hold me.

The comfort of Mikal's arms soothed me. I was safe with him. "Mikal, you took your time to find me today, thank you. Did you call my house?" I asked.

"No, Hanna called me," he said.

"She knew Jesse hadn't hurt me, why was she so worried, Mikal?"

"Jesse went to your house this morning and she didn't know what he would do if he found you," Mikal said.

I sat upright. "Is Gram okay? Oh, she doesn't know where I am."

Mikal pulled me back to him. "I called her when I found your car. She knows you're with me and she knows I won't let Jesse hurt you." His hug tightened and he kissed my hair and forehead. "I'll be your white knight until Jesse's gone back to school. Is he leaving tomorrow?"

"He planned to," I said. "He's starting a summer job on Monday."

"Will you feel safe at home until he's gone?" he asked.

"I don't know, Mikal, I'm not sure."

"Why don't you come home with me?" he asked.

I eyed him and grinned. "Would your house be any safer?"

After a peck on my forehead, he smiled at me. "The safest." He held up his right hand. "On my honor, I promise to behave. I'll sleep on the couch and give you the key to lock the bedroom door." I eyed him doubtfully. "We have one problem," he said.

"What's the problem, Mikal?"

"Unless you want to stay dirty, you'll have to use my man's shower," he said.

I ducked my head and laughed. "I think I can manage, for a day or two. Mikal, I was wrong to be so nasty when you used the shower at my house." It was time to change the subject. "I should leave my car at home and get an overnight bag. I don't want Gram to worry. I think I'm getting hungry, too," I said.

"Good idea," he said. "I'll make my special possum stew for dinner."

"Oh no, Mikal, do you eat possum?"

"Where do you think our town, Possum Lick, got its name? It came from licking the juice off the possum bones," he teased.

I slapped his shoulder and said, "Mikal, I can't believe anything you say. We need to get out of here."

Mikal put me in my car, and made me lock the door. "I'll be right behind you, Suzy. You lead the way."

I could see Gram watching as Mikal and I parked our cars. She had the door open waiting for us and she pulled me into her arms, asking, "Are you okay, now?"

"Better," I said. "Mikal made me talk about it. I'll be okay."

"Thank you, Mikal," Gram said. "I was worried when Jesse was here looking for Suzy."

"I'm glad you called me, Hanna. I don't want anything to happen to this special lady." He smiled at me and said to Gram, "I'll take Suzy to my house until he's gone back to school."

Gram went to Mikal and hugged him. "Suzy's not the only special one here," she said, then studied me. "It's a good idea for you to be away from here. Does Jesse know where Mikal lives?"

"I don't see how, Gram," I said. "He didn't know who Mikal was until Thursday night."

"We'll leave Suzy's car here in your garage and put my truck in my garage," Mikal said. "If Jesse does find us, I'm not afraid to call the police." Mikal motioned toward my room. "Go get what you need, for work on Monday, too. I can take you and pick you up."

As I started for my room, Gram slipped her arm through Mikal's arm, and said, "I hope she's okay and I hope she's done with that boy. Why can't she see you're a better man for her?"

From the door to my room, I watched Mikal hug Gram and heard him say, "That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me Hanna, and I wish I knew. Don't give up hope. She hasn't married him yet."

A wedding with Jesse was a burst dream, but I wasn't sure how Mikal fit into the picture. I've tried to keep him out of my heart. I hope Jesse will get a job far, far away after he graduates next year. When I came back with my bag, Gram kissed us each on our cheeks. "You two take care." I leered suspiciously at both of them, because they seemed to be sharing a secret.

"Come on pretty lady, I need food," he said, taking my hand to lead me to his truck.

Gram looked puzzled as I went toward the door and declared, "No possum."

Mikal teased me all the way to his house. "We can have a possum sandwich. A possum omelet's good. Uh...I know; French fried possum." I covered my ears, and he laughed at me.

"Mikal, stop," I said. "The first thing I'm going to do is inspect your freezer."

Chapter 22

Mikal's house wasn't far. It was a small house overlooking the airport, the training centers, and the harbor. The houses were old, but well kept; and many were remodeled into nice homes. Mikal's house had the Spanish influence of the area, with white stucco and arched windows and doors. The landscaping was immaculate.

We parked in the small, single car garage, which was a luxury when these homes were built in the 1920's, but the truck barely fit. I squeezed between the truck and the wall to get out of the garage wall. Mikal laughed at me, and said, "Woops, I don't usually have someone in the truck when I park in the garage. I should have let you out in the driveway." He took my hand to help me get my balance. "Well, this is home." He waived his hand with a flourish.

"When did you get this cute little house, you haven't been in San Diego very long?" I asked.

"Bob, at work, lives down the street. He told me about it, I loved it, bought it, and moved in two weeks later. The owner's wife died, he couldn't keep it up, and he needed to sell it. He hadn't listed it yet. It needed repairs so I got it at a good price. I came to San Diego over a year before we met. I spent every evening and weekend cleaning, fixing, and painting. I finished the yard a few weeks ago."

"You're lucky to have it, Mikal. This is a popular area. The houses are adorable and the views are fantastic. When do I get the grand tour?"

Mikal proudly scrutinized his house. He hesitated before he opened the door and seemed a little nervous. Mikal remained in the doorway as he watched me walk into his house. He still held the doorknob.

The house was immaculate and not at all what I expected a young man's house to be. "Mikal, your house is lovely," I said. He didn't move. "May I have a tour?"

With a blank face, Mikal hung his hat on a peg by the door. He turned back to the door and hesitated again before closing it. Instead of moving into the house, he faced me, leaning on the wall, his hands in his pockets. I took a step towards him, but stopped when he frowned.

"Mikal, what's wrong?" I asked.

He ducked his head, scuffed the floor with his toe, and said quietly, "I'm a little scared."

"Scared? Of what?" I slowly moved closer to him.

"You," he said.

"Me?"

"Yea." He bobbed his head back and forth without looking up. "You...Us," he said. "Maybe being here, alone with you, isn't such a good idea." He actually jumped when I touched his arm, so I pulled my hand away. I leaned on the wall near him and waited. He grinned at me and said, "Huh...is that move something like me giving you my hat?" I shrugged. His face softened a bit.

"So why are you afraid of me?" I said, not moving, waiting, letting him know I was willing to wait and listen.

"You're not going to let me out of this, are you?" he said as we gazed into each other's eyes. My slight smile confirmed it, but I was silent, waiting for him to continue. "Suzy, you have no idea how many times I've wanted to bring you to my home. I've wanted to share myself, and my life, with you." He inhaled deeply. "You're here, now, but not the way I planned." Lapsing into silence again, I waited. He was talking to the floor and I could barely hear what he said. "I was supposed to bring you home with me to a romantic evening." He shrugged his shoulders. "You know...candles, music, the lights of the city...and more maybe." He grinned in thought. "Instead, I've brought you here to hide you from Jesse." He was very serious. "You're finally here, in my home with me, Suzy, and it took my breath away to see you, so beautiful with the light from the window glowing around you. It knocked the wind out of my sails when I realized my grand plans disintegrated."

"Mikal, I'm sorry about your dreams," I said. "I didn't realize what my preoccupation with being just friends has done to you, to us. I've been selfish and I've ignored your feelings. This friendship thing isn't fair to you."

"Baby, you're my best friend, forever, no matter what happens," he said softly.

"Mikal, that's not good enough. You deserve more." His face expressed uncertainty, so I asked, "You love me, don't you?"

"Suzy, I love you more than you can know," he said.

"I'm confused right now, but I promise I will search my heart to figure out what's inside of me," I said. "For years I assumed Jesse was the right one for me. When you're separated so long, maybe you can't make a relationship work. He's changed and has a new life and new interests. He has new friends, too, both men and women. I've changed. I have new interests, and certainly new friends." Frowning, I said. "Mikal, I don't know who's right for me. Maybe I have fallen in love with you and haven't recognized it. I can't make promises and the last thing I want is to hurt you. I care for you too much."

I put my arms around his waist and his arms went around my shoulders, then he ran his fingers over my cheek, and said, "Suzy, I thought I could live with your rules, but when I saw you with Jesse, I felt like someone kicked me in the gut. Reality can be a tough thing. Jesse was an abstract person before Thursday night, but when he materialized, like a genie out of a bottle, I was stunned. I still don't know how I kept my cool." He kissed the top of my head. "Suzy, at Balboa last Thursday you seemed so happy with Jesse...I almost lost it. I didn't know if I could make it through the evening. I knew Jesse saw it...our special friendship, so proving who you belonged to, became a contest. When you left with Jesse, I hoped I hadn't lost you completely, but Baby, never in a million years, would I have wished for what happened to you. I would give you up, and never see you again, if it would guarantee you would live happily ever after with Jesse, but I don't believe for one minute it will happen, especially now."

Tears were streaming down my face. Mikal laughed at me as he kissed my forehead. His thumbs wiped my cheeks as he held my head in his hands and spoke softly, "I know I can't ask for promises, but right now, this minute, I love you more than anything in the world. I love you more than I ever imagined I could love anyone."

The first kiss was soft, butterfly wings against my lips. The tenderness of his fingertips on my cheek and the sweet impact of our bodies pressing together ignited the same rush of desire I experienced with him in the park. The lengthening kiss intensified as if he was sucking my soul into his. I returned his kisses with equal passion. Mikal's strong arms supported me, but as my limbs turned to mush, he scooped me into his arms and took me to the couch. Our kissing and touching heightened our senses to the brink of explosion. Whatever resolve of celibacy I had left was waning quickly.

Mikal whispered in my ear. "I'm not being a good Boy Scout. I promised to behave, but you're not in my door five minutes before I'm ready to make love to you." His kisses moved down my neck.

"Mikal, you make me melt like ice cream on a hot day."

"Oh, Baby," he breathed, "this is where my mind goes every time I think about you, but it's not right, not after what you've been through."

He lay with his forehead on my chin. Our breathing was coming in heavy gasps and our hearts hammering in our chests. For the first time, I felt a man's body react to his desire for a woman, and my woman's body screamed for a man. "Mikal, don't stop. I want you to make love to me."

He gazed lovingly at me, kissed the tip of my nose, and ran a finger over my lips. "Pretty lady, I want to love you more than anything, but I don't think this is the right time. I would be taking advantage of your weakest moment and it sure wouldn't be waiting until you're married."

"Mikal, yesterday was terrible; Jesse showed no love, just lust and anger. When I was out on the sea wall this morning, I never wanted a man to touch me again. Then you came, with all your genuine, gentle love. You were my white knight rescuing me. I knew, at that moment, you were the one who would be my first lover. Please be my first man now, it is the right time for me to be with you."

"You're sure?" he said. "It's a big step and you can't take it back." He watched my face with concern. "Earlier today, you recoiled when I tried to undo your jeans at the beach."

I managed a slight smile, and said, "I know. When you reached for my jeans, a flash of fear came over me, left from yesterday. I wasn't reacting to you, Mikal. I could only see hands coming toward me." My fingers felt the first stubble on his beautiful face. The softness of the moment overwhelmed me. I smiled as I peered into his brown eyes and saw his sweet love. "Any hands coming toward me now are yours, and they are coming in love. So, yes, Mikal, I'm sure." I pulled his lips to mine for the sweetest kiss yet. A sense of love and contentment swept through me as our total beings merged. His hands and kisses went to the same places Jesse touched, but I was being loved, not violated, and my skin tingled under his caresses instead of constricting from fear. I blocked the memory of the terrible things Jesse did to me and wallowed in the new and wonderful sensations Mikal was stirring inside of me. It was the right time, the right place, and the right man. I was more than ready to become a woman tonight.

Between his soft kisses, he whispered loving words, and teased my ear with his tongue. I gasped and my body arched as a spasm of pleasure ran through it. He laughed softly at my reaction, and said, "Have you ever been to a man's bedroom?" I shook my head, no. "Are you ready to go now?" I nodded, yes. After a few more kisses, he stood, pulled me from the couch, and held me close to his body where I felt his readiness as fire burned below my belly. He took my hand and led me to his bedroom.

I saw nothing in the room except Mikal. We stood face to face, his kisses slow, his touches so gentle I couldn't get enough. His fingertips played softly on the skin under my T-shirt. Mikal didn't rush; no race to the finish, just slow tender touches. He pulled my T-shirt over my head, followed by soft kisses on my bare skin. I hadn't changed clothes since we left the beach, so I still wore my bikini. My bathing suit bra loosened and the straps fell down my arms. I couldn't figure out how he unhooked the clasp without me being aware, but right now, I didn't care. My body reacted as he delicately and unhurriedly touched and kissed my breasts. I pulled his T-shirt off and felt wonderful new sensations as skin met skin and jeans crushed jeans. When he reached for the snap on my jeans, and the zipper, I didn't resist and my jeans fell around my ankles. Mikal ran a finger over the fabric of my bikini pants and I gasped. When his finger went inside the bikini leg, touching those intimate places, my body exploded in spasms, from my chin to my toes. I writhed as he fondled and kissed a multitude of magical places.

Mikal raised my hand to his lips and kissed each finger. "Have you ever touched a man?" I shook my head, no. "Do you trust me?" I nodded, yes. He moved my hand down to his jeans and taught me how to embrace a man, as he moaned in response.

The last of our clothes hit the floor and Mikal took me to his bed where he drove my body into convulsions of ecstasy. He took my virginity; then collapsed in his own pleasure.

Mikal pulled my limp body into his arms and lay next to me stroking my back. When his breathing slowed, he kissed my forehead. "You're a fast learner, missy."

I hugged him. "You're a good teacher."

"An eager, willing student makes it easy, Baby. I'll give you an A+++. Did you feel an A+++?"

"Yes," I said. "I had no idea that's what sex is about. People said sex is good, but wow. How often can we repeat the lesson? I might need some refresher courses."

Mikal rolled over and laughed. "God, have I created a monster?" He rolled back to me and ran a finger from my neck past by belly button and back through my cleavage. I shivered. "Are you cold?"

"No, I don't think so, Mikal."

"Huh," he said, "I don't think so either. I think you're pretty hot." He became serious. "I didn't take any chances, but are you on The Pill?"

"No, I wasn't planning to need them," I said shyly.

"To answer your question, we can do it all weekend, if I go to the drugstore in the morning. I didn't plan to have company all weekend and I didn't know I was creating a nympho."

"A what?" I asked.

He rested his head on my shoulder and laughed. "A nymphomaniac is a woman who can't stop having sex."

"Oh...You make it sound bad."

"Not for me," he said, kissing and nibbling my bellybutton. "We should eat food or I might devour you. I need to take a shower, how about you?"

"Mmm...sounds good. Who's first?" I asked.

Mikal was still working on my belly. "How about together?" I gasped in shock and he grinned at me. "Thought you wanted to learn new things?" he said. I bit my lower lip, trying to resolve the idea in my mind. He moved toward the bathroom. "If I go first, I can start dinner while you're in the shower."

"No, wait," I grabbed his hand. "I'm coming."

"Hope so." His expression was strange, but he pulled me to my feet before I could question it.

I followed him to the bathroom where he took out clean towels, turned on the shower, and stepped over the edge of the tub. He extended his hand and waited patiently for me to gather my courage. I took it and followed. In these older homes, the tubs and showers were not designed for co-showering, but the closeness was not a problem. The first time I used the bar of soap Mikal used, in my shower, I was angry. This time angel hands slid over my soapy skin as his touches activated every nerve ending. We lathered every inch of our bodies, until the water cooled.

Mikal groaned. "My repairs didn't include a water heater. The new one should be at least twice the size, and then I'll have time to show you what you can do in small spaces."

"Like what?" I asked.

"Mmm...can't give all the lessons in the first session." He kissed me once more while we rinsed in the cooling water.

"So how many classes do I get?" I asked.

"Endless, Baby."

"Do you give tests? I always hated tests," I said.

"Hands on tests, and you'll pass with flying colors." Mikal turned off the shower, reached for a towel, and dried my body. He draped the towel around my shoulders before he handed me another towel to use on him.

As I ran the towel over his body, I couldn't find an ounce of fat or flab. The only flaw seemed to be a mole on his shoulder. I ran a finger over it, saying, "Your mole is in the shape of a heart."

"Yea," he said, "I've got one, my Daddy had one, my granddaddy does, and his daddy. It's the mark of the Bowers. I suspect my son's will have one too...someday." He turned to me. He took the corner of the towel and wiped a drip from my hair as it ran down my cheek. "Maybe our sons?"

I froze and gasped. "I...."

He laughed at my expression of panic. "Don't say anything... think about it." He kissed the tip of my nose, turned me around, and roughly dried my hair.

"Whoa, you're going to rub it off my head," I said.

"I don't have a hair dryer at my house, so this will have to do." He kissed my shoulder, then slapped my behind and stepped out of the tub. "I'll get dressed and finally find something for us to eat. Take your time."

I watched him go through the door drying his hair. The motion made his muscles ripple all the way down his back and arms to his bare behind. Our sons? I thought. Oh wow, Mikal has found more ways to disorient me this weekend. I couldn't move, my head was spinning with thoughts of this afternoon and I wondered what might happen later. My attitude toward Mikal had certainly changed today, but this thought about babies bowled me over.

Chapter 23

Pulling myself to the present, I left the bathroom to dress. I left my little suitcase in the hallway, but found it in the bedroom on the bed. I smiled at Mikal's thoughtfulness. I dressed and padded, barefoot, toward Mikal's whistling in the other room.

Mikal was in the kitchen, which opened to the living and dining areas. "Mikal, your house is wonderful. Most houses have little kitchens, little dining rooms, and little living rooms, but I love yours being one big room," I said, spreading my hands wide to show the expanse.

"Thanks, I removed a wall here where the sink is." He smiled and pointed toward the windows. "When it gets dark, you can see the lights from North Island. It's great watching planes take off from the airports while you're cooking. It's not so bad doing dishes either," he said.

I walked toward the glass door. "Wow, the view is fantastic. How do you leave this place to go to work?"

"Not easily," he said. "It's a good thing I'm happy with what I do. I'll show you where I work while we eat."

"Outside on the patio, I hope."

"That's what I planned," he said. "It might get a little cool, but I have jackets."

Leaning on the door jam, I asked, "Can I come back?"

Without pausing, Mikal replied, "That's what I've planned, since the day I met you."

I turned to him, and caught him watching me intently. I said, "Mikal, I can't make any promises yet. The last two days have been the worst and the best for me. You became my rock, but I have to stand on my own and make some decisions. Three days ago, my future with Jesse was my whole life. Today I realize that bubble burst, but I also realize, during the past three months, you have become important to me, in many ways. You seem to be all the things I thought I had with Jesse. You're right... from the first day we met; a special relationship has been growing between us; a bond I've never felt with Jesse. This realization is so sudden, I need some time." I moved toward Mikal's kitchen counter, but when he began to move toward me, I stopped him. "You'd better stay on your side, or we won't get any dinner. Let me ponder this, Mikal. Maybe my brain will work better with some food in my belly."

Stools stood on the living room side of the counter, so I slid onto one and rested my arms on the countertop. "What are you making?" I asked. "Ooo...lots of veggies, good."

"These are for an omelet. I add everything but the kitchen sink," he said.

I nodded toward the sink. "Well, it's right next to you, if you need it." He grinned without looking up.

Watching Mikal chop vegetables was quite enjoyable. I didn't think about men cooking anything but steaks and hamburgers. Men in my family didn't cook regular food. I was silent, in thought.

"Mikal?"

"Yea?"

"Have you dated much since you moved here?" I asked.

The knife hesitated in mid air for about two seconds. He didn't look up, but resumed chopping the tomatoes. "Some."

A few more seconds went by, and I asked, "Do you have sex with them?"

He stopped and set the knife on the counter. He slowly raised his head. "I think we should discuss this later, when the knives are locked in a drawer, okay?" Mikal's face turned to an expression I hadn't seen before. "I'll give you my life history after dinner, I'll need the energy." He resumed chopping, but he became quiet, almost tense.

Now I was nervous. Had I intruded on his private life? I decided I wouldn't bring it up again until he did. Does being with a man mean accepting secret lives? I wasn't comfortable with secrets, because they were seldom good.

Mikal picked up two plates, two glasses, and two sets of silverware and nodded toward the refrigerator. "Drinks are in the icebox, please. I'll have a beer, so get what you want and you'll find ice in the freezer." I picked up the beer bottle and checking for an opener. "Wait, I'll do the beer," he said. "I suspect you haven't poured much beer, and I don't want all head."

"Good idea, Mikal. Ice?" He shook his head and stared at me as if I was crazy. I shrugged and fixed my soda.

The omelet was done soon and he divided it onto the plates. "Dinner is served. Will you get the drinks and silverware and open the sliding door, please?"

We stepped onto the patio where a cool, ocean breeze hit us in the faces. "Mikal," I said, "it's wonderful out here. The smell of the ocean air lets me know I'm still home. When you drive back from Los Angeles, there's a place south of Capistrano, where you come around a curve and catch the breeze off the ocean. You get a shot of fresh, clean air. You know you're finally out of the smog and almost back home to San Diego."

Mikal laughed at me. "At least we don't smell rotting kelp and seals up here." I hit him with my napkin as held his nose and laughed.

I poked around in the omelet with my fork, and asked, "What did you put in here? It smells wonderful."

"Anything in the icebox that wasn't moldy," he said.

I inspected it closer. "Possum?"

He leaned over, kissed my ear, and whispered. "No possum, I promise. I have possum ice cream in the freezer...for dessert"

"Mikal!" I pushed him away and took a bite of the omelet. "Oh, this is good, Mikal. You can cook for me anytime."

"Sounds good to me," he said, winking as he took a bite.

My comfort level rose when Mikal smiled at me and kissed the pinkie on my left hand. "Mmm, it's almost as good as my omelet."

Pointing toward buildings at the bottom of the hill, he said, "Look down to the right and you can see the Marine Center, where I work. I tried riding my bike to work a few times, but coming back home, up this hill, is murder. Instead, I take my bike in the back of the truck and ride along the harbor or marina before work."

"What do you do for the Marines? I thought you were in the Navy?"

"I was in the Navy for four years and studied computers," he said. "They're going to take over the world someday when they control every little thing. They can do the work of a hundred men."

"Won't that mean losing jobs?" I asked.

"Yes, but it will create new jobs, also." He pointed toward North Island. "It's almost unfathomable to imagine running one of those big aircraft carriers without computers. Each one of them is one small city. The computers monitor or run everything and feed all the information back to one central location. I was one of the guys who made sure everything was working on my ship. If something went wrong, maybe the Captain's steak wasn't defrosted, at best, or a missile could be fired at innocent people, at worst."

"That's a lot of responsibility," I said.

"Yea...too much. That's one reason I didn't stay in the Navy. I was one of the first guys heavily into computers, both operating them and programming them."

"Programming's telling them what to do?" I asked.

"Yep," he said. "Theoretically, a computer can do anything a man can imagine. They're slow now, but every minute they get faster and can do more. When my tour was up, the Navy wanted me to reenlist, but we agreed I would train new recruits to use computers, as a civilian. I prefer my feet firmly on the ground in one place, not floating all over the world. The pickings are still pretty slim when it comes to finding kids who know anything about computers. I run the aptitude tests and find the guys who show the most promise. Some of them will operate existing computer equipment, but others go through a crash course in programming and debugging, ah fixing problems. We work together with the Naval Center." He grinned, laughed, and said, "I tell the new recruits I live up on the hill, and I can see everything they're doing, through a telescope that can see through walls. Their eyes get big as saucers."

"I'm glad I don't work for you," I said.

"I have one of the new PC's, personal computers, in the other bedroom, so I'll show it to you later. The 1980's are going to propel us right into the computer age. Do you use computers at the bank, yet?" he asked.

"Yes," I said, "we have customer information on them and we can set up accounts directly, instead of filling out the forms we use to send to the computer center, for them to enter. All of our ATM machines are computers too, aren't they?"

"Yep," he said. "I'm playing around with ideas of how to play music on the computer. I spend hours with the computer and my guitar."

"When do you do all that and fix up your house?" I asked.

"Did you see a TV?" I shook my head, no. "It's a time killer," he said. "I got one at first, but gave it away. I would rather sit on the deck and practice my guitar." He leaned back and pretended to be strumming a guitar, then scanned my face. "Or I could entertain you every night." He chuckled and said, "I got a new stereo system, and I didn't put on any music, did I? I will when we go in."

An airplane took off. "Is the airport noisy?" I asked.

"Not bad here, even though it's right over the end of the runway. The planes fly over Point Loma." He pointed that direction. "That's the old Light House on the hilltop, and North Island and Coronado to the south. You can't see down town San Diego from here, because the hill's in the way."

Speechless, was not the word. "Mikal, how could you ever leave this house?" I asked.

"I can't think of any reason I would have to leave. Ever! When I need more room, I'll have to expand." He grinned at me, as if he had a deep secret hiding inside. I shivered, so he said, "It's getting cold and dinner's done, so why don't we go inside?"

We took the dishes to the sink. Mikal leaned on the counter, thinking, avoiding my gaze. He took me by the hand and led me to the couch. "I can do the dishes later," he said. He settled at the end of the couch and pulled me close to him so I was leaning on his shoulder with his arm around me. He kissed the side of my head, and said, "You asked me some pretty intense questions earlier. Do you want the answers?"

My breathing stopped cold, but I managed to answer, "If you want to, I don't want to invade your privacy."

"You may not be thrilled with the answers, Suzy, but you have the right to know about my past if we ever want a relationship. I'm 24, which is way past being in high school, you know."

His hand was so big around mine. I raised it to my mouth and gently kissed it. "Mikal, it's time for me to become a big girl and accept the past I had nothing to do with and can't change."

He hugged me a little tighter and kissed my temple. He was silent for another minute, and so was I. "Yes," he said, "I have been out with several women since I've been in San Diego, and yes, some since I met you. I do have sex when the time seems right. We had the birds and bees talk, so we don't need to repeat the basics, but that's what adult men and women do." He paused awhile. "That was the easy part."

He rubbed his thumb over my knuckles and frowned, but still didn't speak, but eventually said, "I wasn't always as concerned about my girl's wellbeing as now. I was stationed in Virginia before I left the Navy. I had a girlfriend, and I thought we were in love. I got her pregnant and I have a son somewhere. I asked her to marry me and come to San Diego, but she wouldn't. After I left Virginia, she disappeared and I haven't been able to find her. I'll keep trying, not for her, but I want to know my son." He took a big breath and eyed me from the corner of his eye. "So them's the skeletons in my closet. Can you live with them?"

"Mikal, you're certainly not the first unmarried man with a child. I respect your need to be involved in your son's life. What would you do if she showed up?" I asked.

"I don't love her anymore, Suzy, if that's what you're asking. The thin hopes I had about making a family for my son, evaporated when I met you. I still hope you and I can be together someday." He lifted my face to his and began a long, sensuous kiss. In an instant, my insides were on fire craving Mikal's love.

Between kisses, Mikal whispered in my ear. "Umm...I could show you my record collection."

"Hmm... Is that like the spider luring the butterfly into its web?" I whispered back.

He kissed my hand. "Might be...might just be."

The record collection was fantastic, with songs from every genre of music. Mikal selected several LPs. The songs were soft and romantic and he smiled at me and asked, "Do you dance?"

"Are you kidding?" I laughed. "A Baptist girl? Dancing is a mortal sin, you know." I tapped my finger to my head. "I think they tell us dancing is what leads to those terrible things we did earlier."

"I didn't think it was so terrible, did you?" he asked.

"It was terrible...terribly good," I said.

Mikal took me in his arms, held me tightly to his body, and slowly swayed to the music, talking softly into my ear. "Think I can make you forget all those terrible things I told you about myself, by doing something terribly good to you?"

"Try," I said. He did and I couldn't think about anything but this moment. Between his kisses and the closeness of his body to mine while we were dancing, my legs became rubbery. With my eyes closed, and my mind turned to jelly, I wasn't aware Mikal danced us into his bedroom. I barely noticed when his hands went under my shirt and unhooked my bra. "Ha-ha," I laughed. "The preacher was right about dancing, and you're going to have to teach me how you undo my bra so quickly, I always struggle."

"Incentive, my dear, it's incentive... and the rewards I get," he said, his hands caressing my body in the most sensitive places. Our clothes hit the floor and our bodies melded together on the bed, as we were lost in each other once more.

The next morning I awoke to the smell of bacon cooking. I donned a long T-shirt and panties and followed my nose to the kitchen. "Good morning Mikal, it smells heavenly in here. What's for breakfast?" I climbed up on a stool.

"I sure hope that stool is not the throne of inquisition. Last night you were a little brutal," he said.

I laughed and asked, "The only things I want to know this morning is are you going to feed me?"

"Phew, I can handle that question," he said, grinning. "How do you want your eggs cooked, and is wheat toast okay?"

"Over easy, and yes." I turned around when I heard the records playing softly. "May I turn up the volume on the stereo? You're playing new music. Jazz?" I asked.

"Sure, I didn't want to wake you, so I kept it turned down," he said. "I love Jazz in the morning, it gets the blood going."

"This Jazz is nice, because it has a melody, but not the stuff that sounds like a herd of elephants running up and down the keyboard." I turned up the volume and swayed to the music. "How do they write music for the hard kind of Jazz?"

Mikal watched me and said, "Mostly, no one writes music for it. It's whatever comes to mind, whatever you feel at the time. Do you ever hum a tune that isn't actually a song?" I nodded, yes. "Well Jazz is the same thing on instruments. You'll have to come to one of our jam sessions sometime. It can get pretty raucous."

"Something else you do?" I shook my head. "I wish I had your organizational skills. I never have time for anything," I said.

Mikal laughed and said, "Prioritize, my Dear. I'm the king of procrastination. If it doesn't matter, don't do it until it does matter. And the big rule is, don't worry about it in the meantime."

His house appeared spotless. "And where do housework and yard work come on the matter list? Your house is spotless and your yard is immaculate," I said.

"Ha-ha," he said. "The secret is I hire a girl to clean once a week and a gardener comes every two weeks. Also, I have no kids, no pets, and no roommate." Mikal winked at me. "Yet."

Another innuendo to ignore, I thought. "Mikal, it costs money to hire people to do all the dirty work."

"I'm not rich but I live comfortably," he said. "I don't have any bills except the house payment...but I think my output is increasing drastically."

"Why?"

"I have to keep feeding you," he said.

I wadded up a napkin and threw it at him, but he ducked. "I could leave," I said.

"Not a chance, Baby...unless you keep throwing trash on my floors." He handed me a plate of food and silverware. "Shall we eat on the patio this morning?" he said. I nodded and followed him outside. "I'll be back with the coffee."

The morning was beautiful. The usual summer fog lifted early, so it would be warm later. When Mikal returned with coffee, I asked, "Thanks, what time is it, Mikal?"

"About 9:30 a.m. I didn't think you would ever wake up," he said.

"Oh," I said, "I guess we'll miss church today."

"I think it's a good idea," Mikal said.

"Why?" I asked.

"Do you want to meet Jesse, at church, if he's still here?" I frowned and shook my head, no. "And besides, Suzy, everyone will take one look at you and know what we have been doing."

Not understanding what he meant, I asked, "Why would they know what we did?"

"You glow," he said.

"I glow?"

"Yep," he said, "like the big, shining moon in the sky. It's the look of first love." He leaned over, kissed my nose, and ran a finger over my cheeks. "You radiate perfect contentment and pleasure all at the same time, like a kid with his first, two wheeled bike. His grin doesn't go away for days, along with the look of pleasure and pride as he masters riding it."

I was extremely doubtful my appearance changed overnight. "Really?" I asked. "I don't know; I'm not sure when to believe you."

"Fine, go look in the mirror." Mikal sat back, grinned smugly, and examined a strip of bacon he was turning in the air before he bit off a piece. He shook his finger at me. "And the preacher will know for sure."

My doubt was evident as I said, "So, you're saying, I can never go back to church?"

"Maybe," he said, studying me soberly. "I know one way to cover it up."

"How, lots of make up?" I asked.

Mikal chuckled and grinned. "No. You could show off a diamond engagement ring. They would think the glow was from you agreeing to marry me." I gasped and Mikal leaned over and took both my hands in his. "Suzy, will you marry me?"

I had to catch my breath after his question. "Oh, Mikal," I said softly. "You've introduced wonderful sex to me this weekend, and talked about babies. You tell me I'm glowing and now you ask me to marry you." I rested my head on his chin, closed my eyes, and put my arms around his neck. "Mikal, you're going to have to give me some time. I'm overwhelmed by the events of these past four days. I can't say yes now, but I won't say no either."

Mikal took my face between his hands and kissed me softly. He gazed into my eyes with the most loving expression I had ever seen. "Suzy, I love you with my whole being, and I want you to be part of my life forever. Even with all my little jabs about being together, I know you didn't expect this today. I also know this has been a whirlwind week for you. I couldn't wait any longer to ask you to be my wife. I love you so much I want you with me every moment possible."

"Mikal." I hugged him with tears streaming down my cheeks. "Mikal, I do love you. I don't ever want to leave. It's so safe and warm with you. This is the most beautiful sanctuary anywhere." I was crying and smiling at Mikal. I stroked his face and hair and studied every crease of his handsome face before I spoke. "Mikal, I don't have to think about it, I do want to be your wife, yes I will marry you."

"Oh, Baby." Mikal held me so tight I couldn't breathe. "I never thought you would say yes so soon." He stood up, danced in a circle, yelled, and pumped both fists in the air. "SHE SAID YES!"

I laughed at him when he picked me up and took me to the bedroom and fell on top of me on the bed. He plastered me with kisses, all over my body. "Oh, Baby, I'll love you forever and ever and ever. I'm the happiest man in the world today."

"Yes, yes, yes." I replied to each of his love statements. I laughed under his kisses because he was so elated.

All of a sudden, he stopped and became serious, asking, "When? How soon can we get married? Can we run away and have a big party later?"

The reality set in and I frowned before saying, "Mikal, we can't plan anything, or tell anyone, until I talk to Jesse. He hurt me, but I can't let him hear it from someone else. I'm sure he still thinks we are getting married."

Mikal kissed each eye, then my mouth, and became serious. "You're right, Suzy. He can't find out from someone else. I would tell him for you, but he'd kill me. How will you handle it?"

"I don't know, Mikal. It's hard to call him at the frat house, where he lives, and if I leave a message he says he doesn't get it. I don't know if that's true or he just doesn't care. I may have to wait until he calls on his own."

"It's been weeks, sometimes, hasn't it?" Mikal asked. I nodded. "A 'Dear John' letter wouldn't be nice either," he said.

"Mikal, I'll write and ask him to call from somewhere where we can talk."

"It will work out," Mikal said and pulled me closer. "In the meantime, we can still be together. Suzy, if we go to L.A. next weekend, we could shop for rings. I'll pick you up before noon on Saturday. We'll find a place to stay by the beach, in one of the cute little towns south of Long Beach."

"Before noon would be great," I said, then laughed. "Two Sundays with both of us away from church will have tongues wagging."

Mikal laughed, too. "In a week or two, the tongues will really wag when they see the diamond I'm going to buy for you. It will knock their eyes out."

Chapter 24

The rest of Sunday, Mikal and I lounged around his house, cooking, playing the guitar, and experiencing fantastic sex. He found a twist tie, from the vegetable bags, and made a ring. On one knee, he proposed a second time, and put it on my finger. When he went to the drug store for more "supplies," he bought a cheap bracelet. He substituted the bracelet for the wire ring, because I could wear the bracelet without questions.

I called Jesse's house, from work on Monday, and his mother said he returned to school. She said he seemed upset and asked if we fought. I told her, "Yes." I also asked for Jesse call me if she heard from him.

Mikal took me to work on Monday, and after dinner he took me home.

I hadn't reached Jesse by Thursday, when Mikal drove us to Balboa Gardens. We tried to act natural, but we didn't fool Sara and certainly didn't fool Rosie.

During a banjo/guitar duet by Mikal and Ken, Sara pulled me aside and asked, "What's up with you?"

"What do you mean? I called you Sunday to say I was okay," I said, trying to avoid her eyes.

"Yes, you did, and your grandmother also told me Mikal found you on Saturday, and hid you from Jesse. Did you spend the whole weekend with Mikal?" she inquired with searching eyes.

I was twisting the bracelet on my arm and said, "He kept me safe so Jesse wouldn't find me. Jesse went to Gram's looking for me Saturday morning."

"How safe?" Sara asked as she held my arm and inspected the bracelet. "And, what's this? It's not quite your usual style."

"It's a silly trinket," I said as panic was setting in.

Thank goodness, Mikal and Ken's song was over. Mikal saw Sara examining the bracelet, so he hurried to us, and said, "We need Sara at the piano for the next song."

Sara eyed Mikal and then turned to me. "We'll finish this conversation later," she said. She jerked her arm from Mikal as he tried to lead her away. "I will find out what happened between you two!" She stomped toward the piano. Mikal shrugged and made a fearful face.

I went to the back of the room, and from nowhere, Rosie's hand pulled me to her eye level. "Go over dere," she said pointing to two chairs by themselves. I sat next to her, and she started in on me. "You did it!"

"I did what, Rosie?"

She glared at me eye to eye and shook her crooked finger at me. "Sex! I have to spell it? S-E-X, sex! Wid Mikal."

"Shh, not so loud, everyone will hear you." I waived my hands at her; thank goodness, most of the residents were hard of hearing.

"Den answer me!" Rosie insisted.

"Okay, yes." I rolled my eyes and said, "You already know everything, although I don't know how, so why do you ask?"

"Jesse go away?" she asked.

"Yes, but you know that, don't you?" I asked.

Rosie's gnarled old finger touched the bracelet. "What dis?"

"It's a bracelet," I said, but I couldn't evade her. "We can't tell anyone yet, because Jesse doesn't know. I can't let him find out from someone else."

"After what he do? It not work," she said, but I was puzzled by what she meant. "Not do it. He stop. No more mojo." Rosie waived a little black bag. "Jesse not hurt you, I fix."

"Rosie, I don't believe in your black magic, but what did you do?" I asked.

"Told him he loose mojo if hurt you," she said.

"No, Rosie, it wasn't your little black bag, he was drunk," I said.

Rosie clasped my arm harder than ever before and leaned as close to me as she could, and said, "Marry Mikal tonight."

"Rosie, we couldn't if we wanted to. In California you can only get a license on a week day, not at night," I replied.

"Go Vegas, now," she was adamant.

"Why?" I asked.

"Go Vegas now, can't stop dem." Her grip was hurting me. "Now!"

I yanked my arm from her grip, stood, and met Mikal half way across the room. "What did she say this time?" he asked.

"Mikal, let's leave. She scares me." He put his arm around me and glared at Rosie. "I'll be in the truck," I said.

"I'll meet you as soon as I get my guitar," he said.

Sara caught us before I could leave, and asked, "Why are you leaving so early? Hot date?"

Mikal glared at Sara, but calmed down and told her, "Rosie's been scaring Suzy again. I wish that old lady would keep her mouth shut and mind her own business. See you later, Sara."

Mikal made a beeline to Rosie, he was mad when he asked, "What did you say to Suzy?"

"Go Vegas now. Marry tonight. Can't stop dem." Rosie waived her crooked finger at Mikal.

Mikal grabbed her hand. "I don't know what you think you know, but stop scaring Suzy." He let go and stormed out of the building with me in tow.

I leaned on the truck hugging myself with my arms. "What did Rosie say to you?" Mikal asked.

Gazing at the sky, with tears in my eyes, I said, "Mikal, she knew we slept together, she knew we are getting married, and she knew Jesse didn't finish raping me. She said we have to go to Vegas tonight and get married tonight."

"She told me the same thing, Suzy."

I was more frightened. "Jesse, she seems to know everything. What if she is right? What if something is going to happen?" I asked.

Mikal held me and kissed my forehead. He said, "Nothing's going to happen tomorrow to stop us from getting married. That's silly, unless the big one comes."

"Mikal, can she predict earthquakes? She scares me," I said.

After Mikal opened the door, I climbed into the truck. "Come on, we're out of here before the big one hits," he said, laughing as he went around the truck, but we didn't talk until we arrived at my house.

"Hey, and old friend of mine, from my Navy days, is in town tomorrow," Mikal said. "I'll have dinner with him, so I won't see you until Saturday. I'll call you before noon, okay?" He kissed my ring finger. "Then we will find a pretty little bauble for this perfect little finger, and forget about Rosie. She's just a batty old woman." He hugged me and kissed me until I melted inside. "Good night Suzy, I love you and I'll see you Saturday."

"Good night, Mikal, I love you. 'Til Saturday."

Another quick kiss and I went into the house thinking only of my life with Mikal.

Chapter 25

At 11:00 a.m. Saturday morning, Sara was knocking on my door. It was strange, because she always called first, so I let her in. "Hi, Sara, what's up so early on a Saturday morning?" I asked cheerily.

She took my arm and led me to my bedroom. "I have to talk to you." She almost slammed the door closed behind us. "Sit down, Suzy."

"Sara, what's wrong, is Ken and alright?" I asked.

"Suzy." She turned away, frowning, and said, "Mikal's gone."

"What do you mean, he's gone?" I said.

She turned to face me. "Mikal is gone," she said again.

I shrugged casually, and said, "He's getting gas in the truck or something. We're going to L.A. later."

"No, Suzy, he is gone," Sara said emphatically. "I went to the store to get some things. As I passed his house on the way back; he was loading suitcases into a big black car, including his guitar case."

"I told you, we're going to L.A. later," I said, sitting back without much concern.

"No, Suzy. Not an overnight bag. He had suitcases, lots of big suitcases," Sara said. I frowned and shook my head, because I couldn't comprehend what Sara meant. "Suzy, he came by my house..."

I spun to face her and asked, "You're house? Why you're house?"

"Honey, sit down," she said. Sara was near tears, and I was getting scared. "Mikal said he had to leave, Suzy. He said he couldn't tell me why, or when he would be back. He said he's sorry and he loves you. The woman in the car yelled for him to hurry. He gave me this note to give to you. Suzy, I thought he was going to cry. Then, he left." Sara handed an envelope to me.

The envelope seemed ominous. I didn't want to touch it, but Sara pushed it toward me. Inside was a note from Mikal.

" _Suzy,_

I have to leave San Diego.

I can't tell you why, or where I am going

or when I will be back, if ever.

I'll never forget you. I am so sorry.

Mikal"

A white petal was lying inside. I picked up the petal, screamed, "Mikal," and collapsed onto the floor in great sobs.

Gram came running in when she heard me scream. "What's wrong?" she said. She sat next to me and hugged me.

Sara told her the story, because I couldn't stop crying. Sara sat on the floor next to me also.

I tried to talk between sobs. "He can't be...gone...we're going to...buy rings today."

Gram and Sara spoke, in shock, at the same time. "You're what?"

Still between sobs, I said, "We...are getting...married." Gram and Sara stared at each other in shock.

Sara took my arm. "When did this happen?" she demanded.

"Last Sunday," I said.

Sara sat back, awe struck. "My God, Suzy, does Jesse know?

"No...nobody knows...we were going...to L.A...so no one...would...see us," I sobbed.

I turned to Sara and took her by the arms. "He was with a woman? Was a little boy in the car?" I asked.

"If a child was in the car, I didn't see him. Why?" she said.

My sobbing stopped for a minute as new panic set in. I turned away from Sara. "He has a son, but the mother wouldn't marry him. He hasn't been able to find them for months," I said.

Sara and Gram exchanged looks. Sara went on. "What else do we need to know about this man?" Then worry came over her face. "Did he sweet talk you with his Southern charm, into having sex after he rescued you from Jesse?"

Shock finished the tears. "He didn't sweet talk me into anything, Sara. We're in love. We're getting married," I said.

"Then why were you with Jesse the day before and where's Mikal?" Sara demanded.

"Sara, how can you say that? You don't know what's between us."

"I saw you falling for him, Suzy, and I thought all that Southern charm was a little much. Again, why'd he bail out on the day you were shopping for rings? And why was he going away with another woman?" Sara was almost yelling at me, but in a calmer voice she continued. "Did he use protection?" I nodded. "Thanks for small favors. At least he didn't leave another pregnant woman in his wake," she said.

"Sara, stop it, Mikal's a gentleman," I flared back.

"Sweetie, gentlemen don't screw 'em and leave 'em dangling with only a note delivered through a friend instead of in person," she said.

"Sara, Mikal will be back," I said.

"Suzy." Sara looked at Gram then back at me, and said, "God...as we speak, I saw a big van emptying his house, down to the carpet. You don't plan that in five minutes."

I started to get up. "Take me to Mikal's house, Sara."

Sara grabbed my arm, pulled me to the floor, and said, "No, you can look in a window when they're gone. Mikal is not at his house, Suzy, he's gone. It won't do you any good to see it happening."

"If you didn't see him, maybe Mikal is inside the house. Sara, I could go talk to him," I said.

"No Suzy, he's gone," Sara insisted.

"Maybe he's in the bedroom," I said. "You can't see it from the street."

Sara sighed. "No, Suzy, he wasn't in the bedroom. He drove off in the big black car...with the woman. I'm sorry."

I turned away with new tears welling up in my eyes. "He'll call me. I know he will."

Sara hugged me and rocked me in her arms. Gram had tears in her eyes. She slowly rose, patted me on the back, and then mouthed her thanks to Sara. She left the room and closed the door. I sobbed on Sara's shoulder. She helped me into bed and rubbed my back until she thought I was asleep.

Gram was waiting for Sara to come out f my room. I vaguely heard Gram talking. "He fooled me. I truly thought he was a nice person. He was always a gentleman to me."

Then Sara answered. "Keep an eye on her. How can one woman be duped by two scumbags in the same week?"

I heard the front door close before I went into a troubled sleep. I woke several times and sobbed into my pillow until I went back to sleep.

The next morning was Sunday and I pretended to be asleep until after Gram went to church. I dressed for the cool morning and a warmer afternoon. I drove to Mikal's house. I found a crack in one of the closed drapes. Everything was gone, down to the bare floors or carpet. I almost passed out. I sat on the step, because the patio furniture was gone. Tears flowed as I remembered how Mikal asked me to marry him, right here on the patio, only a week ago. Two nights ago, he told me we were going to buy rings yesterday. Maybe Dorothy's tornado came through and picked up Mikal and everything he owned and swept them all away, but where?

I turned toward the house, expecting Mikal to come through the door, or to hear him whistling and cooking inside. I must have waited an hour on the deck for Mikal. He didn't come.

The letter was in my pocket. I reread it repeatedly. I held the white dogwood petal to my heart. I gazed at it, kissed it, and pushed it through a crack in the deck where it wouldn't blow away. "Mikal will come back for you. I know he will."

I jumped up. "Rosie...she'll know." It was early for the Balboa Garden residents to be fully ready for the day, but breakfast should be over. I ran to my car to see Rosie.

When I entered the building, Rosie was waiting by the front window. I pulled a chair next to her. "Rosie, where's Mikal?" I asked.

"Don' know. Gone. Long time. Tol' you, go Vegas," she said.

"Rosie, he sent this note to me. Where is he, you know everything," I begged.

"Paper sad. Paper very sad," she said.

I held her arm, pleading, "Rosie, help me, please. Mikal's gone; his furniture is gone; it's as if he was never here."

"Go long time."

"What about the woman?" I asked.

"No woman."

"Rosie, Sara saw a woman with him," I said.

"No woman. Go long time."

"Can you tell me anything, Rosie?" I asked.

Rosie hung her head and fell asleep. Apparently she knew Mikal was gone, but not where, why, or when he would return. How could I find out what happened? How could he just disappear? Was Sara right, had he used me? I took Mikal's note and went to my car. In less than an hour, I was at La Jolla.

The sun was high in the sky and the day was turning warm. I sat on the grass, above the rocks where Mikal and I spent the afternoon. My legs dangled over the edge, and I wore my yellow windbreaker so Mikal could find me. Every time I heard the sound of feet, I turned, expecting him. He didn't come. I walked to the sea wall, then to The Cove, and back, hoping to find Mikal's red truck. Not one red truck came all day. The sun was low in the sky, and if I wasn't home after the evening service, Gram would be frightened. On the way home, I went by Mikal's house. No lights were on in the house. No red truck stood in the driveway or garage. I held my stomach; someone pulled the plug and my life was draining away. A car pulled in behind me. I spun around, but it wasn't Mikal, it was Sara.

She scolded me, "Where have you been all day? Your grandmother is frantic. Come to my house and call her." She looked at Mikal's house. "Suzy, can't you see he's gone? Everything is gone. He didn't leave one piece of furniture, not one dish, not one piece of trash," she said.

Tears were running down my face as I followed Sara home. I called Gram and told her I was at Sara's house. Sara made me take a shower, fed me, and gave me one of her nightshirts. "Sleep here tonight, on the couch, and call in sick to work tomorrow. You have to eat and get some sleep or you'll get sick."

The next morning, Sara gave me a pair of shorts to wear under the nightshirt and she followed me to my house to make sure I went inside. Gram took me to the kitchen and made a big bowl of oatmeal. She forced me to eat all of it while she called my work place. I wrapped a blanket around myself, sat on the couch, and stared out the window all day. She fed soup to me and put me to bed when it was dark.

Tuesday morning, Gram began giving me things to do around the house. "Come help me. You have to get your mind working. You can't stay at home mopping, or you will lose your job," she said. I couldn't believe how many little nonsense jobs she found for me to do. By the end of the day, the jobs became more involved and I was calmer.

Wednesday, I went to work, but I had to work hard to concentrate. I didn't talk to anyone, about anything, unless it was work related. My co-workers stayed away from me. By Friday, I acted more normal, but my boss called me into her office. "Suzy, I know something is bothering you. It's probably none of my business, unless it's work related, so I won't ask. I need you back to full bore on Monday. Do you understand me?" I nodded, yes. "Go home and get some rest or whatever you need to do."

Monday morning I dug into my work, I even tried to smile at people. I heard a few whispers about Mikal or Jesse, but I ignored them, because I didn't want to talk about it. By Friday, I was functioning fully, but still not socializing very well. I wouldn't go to Balboa Gardens with Sara and Ken, because I would have to face too many memories.

Chapter 26

"I don't want a letter from Jesse," I said, slamming the letter onto my dresser. When I first saw it, I thought it was from Mikal...but it wasn't. I had forgotten about contacting Jesse to tell him I planned to marry Mikal. It was three weeks since I last tried to call Jesse. After staring at the letter for five minutes, I opened it

" _My Sweet Suzy,_

I didn't return your phone calls,

because I have been working on

something special for you.

I will be home on the July 4th weekend.

I will arrive on Friday and won't

return to school until Monday.

Please talk to me.

I am sorry about what I did on my last visit.

It was wrong.

Love,

Jesse."

Great! Now I have to contend with Jesse pawing me through another weekend. I threw the letter into the trash. Jesse tries to rape me and Mikal dumps me. What could Jesse possibly do or say to impress me? I am through with men...forever.

I dreaded the July 4th weekend this year, because Jesse would be home. He wasn't at my house when I arrived from work and Gram hadn't heard from him either.

Jesse's car stopped in front of the house after the dinner dishes were done. I watched him walk to the door in a suit and tie. His attire was certainly different from his usual jeans and T-shirt, so this peaked my curiosity. The unopened screen door separated us, which was fine for now. I just stared at him.

"May I come in? I need to apologize to you and to your grandmother," he said.

I opened the door and walked to the other side of the room. I couldn't have been icier if I was in a deep freeze. Jesse held a rose to me, at arm's length. "Suzy, I was wrong for the way I behaved the last time I was home. I promise I will never treat you that way again." I didn't trust him, and my face showed it, but I took the rose.

Jesse faced my grandmother. "I'm sorry for the way I treated your granddaughter, especially in your home." He handed a baseball bat to Gram, handle end first. "If I ever get out of line again, you may use this instead of a pillow." Gram looked at me, frowned, looked Jesse up and down, and then she took the bat.

Gram leered at Jesse and I assumed the worst and waited. Jesse looked between the two of us. "I can't blame you for doubting me. My behavior was inexcusable. I was drunk, but I am working on that problem. I haven't been attentive to you, Suzy, for a long time, and I intend to work on that, if you will give me a chance."

"God, Jesse, you've picked a hell of a time to turn into Mr. Goody-Two-Shoes." I stared at the ceiling, tapping my toes on the floor. I eyed the rose, slammed it down on the end table, and stormed into the kitchen.

After a brief hesitation, Jesse followed me into the kitchen. I was leaning on the counter, my arms folded across my chest, with my back to the door. "Suzy please, let me talk to you," he said. I spun around holding my hand out to stop any advances. "Suzy, can we sit at the table? On opposite sides if you wish."

I turned to the cupboard, took out two glasses, and filled them with water. I sat his glass down so hard, the water slopped out. I ripped a paper towel off the roll and threw it at him. "Water will have to do; we don't have any booze in the house," I said. I sat at the long end of the table and Jesse sat at the other end.

"Thank you, Suzy, the water is fine. Booze is one of the things I wanted to talk about." Jesse took a drink, set the glass down, and folded his hands on the table.

Something about Jesse was different, but I couldn't figure out what. I still didn't trust him, so I just glared at him.

"Suzy, when I returned to school in June, I was mad at you, mad at myself, at everything," he began. "I tied one on worse than I did here. Dr. Schmidt, the head of the Music Department, who's my Senior Advisor, has a studio where we can practice, have jam sessions, and make noise where nobody cares. I showed up to piano practice drunk. Doc S. threw me into a cold shower and forced me to drink some yucky stuff until I threw up. It wasn't pretty. After I threw up, he made me get down on my hands and knees, and clean up the floor. Every time I had a rag full, he made me smell it before I threw it away. The smell made me throw up again. If I didn't take a big enough sniff, he pushed it into my face. It went on for an hour." I was beginning to giggle at the idea. "Thanks for the sympathy. When I finally finished puking and cleaning up, Doc S. started pouring coffee into me. I sobered up enough to understand him when he started yelling at me. Dr. Schmidt came from Germany during World War II, so he has a strong accent, and believe me, he knows how to yell." Jesse put his hands over his ears and shook his head.

"Doc S. took me to his office where he pushed me into a chair and slammed the door. He's not too tall, but his demeanor makes up for his height. He stood over me, shaking his finger in my face. He told me I was a fool if I threw away my life with drinking. He reminded me my grades had fallen last semester and if they continued to drop, I would lose my scholarships. He said, 'Hold your hands up. See them shake? How you play piano with hands like that?' He grabbed my hair and pulled my head to look up at him. 'Look at me,' he said, 'you got so much talent, and you destroy it all for drinking. What you want, to be bum in ditch or be famous pianist?' When I didn't answer him, he got down in my face and screamed, 'Answer me, you foolish boy.' Then he threw my head against the back of the chair, started for the door, and said, 'Why do I bother? No brains in head, only in pants.' I stopped him before he could leave and asked him what I should do."

Jesse stared at the table. "He told me to decide if I wanted to live or die, I had no in between. He said if I stop drinking I could have anything I want, be anything I want to be. If I keep drinking, I might be dead by the time I'm thirty. Suzy, he scared me." He sat quietly for a minute staring at the table.

"Doc S. took me to the piano and sat me on the bench." Jesse extended his fingers. "He told me to play scales. Suzy, my fingers were shaking so badly, I couldn't play anything. I hit two keys at a time and my fingers wouldn't go where they had gone automatically for years. The harder I tried, the worse it got. Doc said, 'You are twenty-one years old, by twenty-three you be done, forever.' Suzy, I sat at the piano and cried like a baby." Jesse had tears in his eyes; they seemed real.

"I asked Doc S. to help me. He told me to go to AA and to get counseling. I told him I wasn't an alcoholic. He said, 'If not today, tomorrow. I guarantee.' He picked up his phone, made an appointment with one of the school counselors, and called a friend of his. Jeff arrived in ten minutes and told me he was a recovering alcoholic and he would take me to my first AA meeting. After the first time, I had to go on my own, because I wanted to go, but I could call him any time, 24 hours a day."

Jesse went on; I didn't interrupt or respond. This was important to him. "Doc has a small apartment at the studio, where he takes naps and lets us clean up. He told me to get my things from the Frat House. He's letting me stay in the apartment until I can find another place. I'm hoping for an opening in a house, where some of his other students live; and he thinks he can get it covered under my scholarship. I tried to protest moving from the Frat House, because they were my friends. He said, 'They don't care about you. Only you care about you. Now go. Get your clothes and come here.' I did and it has been the best thing I've ever done. It's quiet. I can study or practice without interruptions. I can sleep at night." He looked directly at me. "Suzy, you saw me before I went back to school. Thanks to Doc S., AA, and my counseling, I'm working on being a new person. I actually care about myself. I mean truly care about me, my future, and us, if I haven't already lost you."

I rolled my eyes, folded my arms, peered at the ceiling, and thought I was about to get more sweet talk, from another smooth man. "Jesse, don't go there, not now," I said.

"Suzy, what's going on?"

I turned away, because I couldn't look at him. "All right Jesse, let's get this over with" I said.

"What? I don't think I want to hear this, do I?" he said.

I didn't answer him directly. "Jesse, I have been trying to call you."

"I know, Suzy, but I wasn't ready to talk to you, yet. I needed time to get myself in order," he said.

I turned to look at him face to face and said, "Jesse, I have been trying to call you to tell you Mikal asked me to marry him."

Jesse paled to the color of the white walls in the kitchen. He turned away, stood, and went to the kitchen window. His shoulders sagged at the devastating statement I made. "When?" he asked.

"Never!" I said.

He turned to face me, asking, "What does that mean?"

I sighed, and said, "It means that Mikal was another man who used me for sex. He sweet-talked me until I thought he loved me and wanted to marry me. After I had sex with him, he left town. He moved out lock, stock, and barrel; didn't leave a scrap of trash on the floor."

"Why did he leave?" asked Jesse.

"I don't know," I said staring at the table. "I was with him on Thursday. We were going shopping for rings on Saturday, but instead, he gave Sara a note saying he couldn't say why he was leaving, or if he would be back." I wiped away a new tear. "So now I have been raped by two men, all in the same week." I was angry. I stood and went to Jesse and poked him in the shoulder. "And now you think you can sashay in here with apologies, in your fancy new suit, and sweet talk me into taking you back. Well, think again, buster. Right now every man on this earth can fall into one big hole and I will gladly throw in the first shovel of dirt." I turned away, crying.

Jesse certainly hadn't expected this. "My God, Suzy. I had no idea what Mikal did to you."

I whipped around to face him; my eyes were on fire with rage. "Just Mikal? How about what you did? You both had your way with me. All along, it's been love me and leave me. You would go back to school to party and have all the girls you wanted, and Mikal went..." I waived my hands in the air... "to who knows where?"

"Are you pregnant?" he asked calmly.

"Am I pregnant?" I shouted. "How dare you ask me that? I didn't see you whipping out a condom when you were on top of me."

"You're right. Not only was I drunk, I was inconsiderate. But then, that's one thing wrong with drunks," Jesse said.

I threw my hands into the air. "Yea, you're right, that and screwing every bimbo with big kitty boobs."

"Man, I told you about her?" I glared at him while he talked. "I meant...I don't know what I meant. You have a right to be mad, but I can't figure out why you're SO mad."

"Jeeze Jesse, you're supposed to be smart," I said. "You graduated #1 in high school and have scholarships to one of the top schools in the country. You may get A's in school, but you sure get an F minus for what you know about women. And the way you behaved at The Balboa Home was insane."

"Whoa, I didn't want to go with you, Suzy. I didn't want to share you with other people. I wanted some time alone with you. Before we got to the home, I could sense your mood changing. When we went inside, it took one second to tell you were in love with Mikal. Your eyes lit up instantly and I could see the electricity emanating from your body. The more you tried to hide it, the more it showed. The electricity wasn't just coming from you; it was coming from Mikal, too. Suzy, only a blind man couldn't see he was in love with you. It was real and I figured I lost you to Mikal. Maybe you didn't know it yet...but I did."

"Jesse, if Mikal loved me so much that night, why did he vanish a week later?"

"I don't know why Mikal left, Suzy, but it wasn't because he didn't love you."

I gazed at Jesse with a disbelieving frown, and said, "So what happened, Jesse? What happened to you and me? Why was it so easy for me to fall in love with Mikal? What happened to Mikal? If he loved me, the way he said, he would be here. If you loved me, you wouldn't have done what you..." I turned away. "What you did to me." I turned back to him. "Jesse, I'm sorry things are so messed up, messed up for both of us."

This time I let him hold me. Jesse put his cheek to my head. "I've loved you for years, Suzy, and I still do. When I saw what was between you and Mikal I went berserk. It was wrong, but I can't change what I did. I can only apologize and try to change myself," he said.

We held each other. "Jesse, I'm sorry," I said. "I didn't see it happening. I was comfortable with Mikal. He did special things for me... and he was here. You were gone so long and the last few times you were home, it seemed you didn't care about me. After the last day with you, I ran away and Mikal rescued me. No one knew where I was, but Mikal found me. He was my shinning knight on a white horse, when I needed one. He took care of me, and he wanted to marry me. I believed I loved him and he loved me. It was so natural to say yes to him. Then, poof, he was gone." Tears were running down my face. "Now Mikal's gone and I've ruined everything for you and me."

"Maybe not, Suzy. Life's not over yet, just different," he said and held me tighter.

"Jesse, do you hate me for what I did?" I asked.

"Suzy, we have both done things wrong. We can't change the past. I'm learning if I hate you, then I hate myself, too. If I let that happen, I'll be back on the booze. I haven't been on the wagon too long, but I think I can do it with help from people who care about me." He laughed. "Anyhow, Dr. Schmidt doesn't give me time to drink." He held up his hands. "See? My fingers are an inch shorter from all the piano practicing." I inspected his fingers and we both laughed. "I'm hungry. I think I can afford some tacos. Is the place we liked in Presidio Plaza still open? The one where we used to go for our big night out? I think with food and drinks, it was never over $5.00. I'm glad you were such a cheap date, maybe that's the reason I loved you so much."

"Now the truth comes out," I said. "Yes, it's still in the same place and the food is still reasonable...and still good. In fact, Sara and I went last week."

Jesse left the room and came back with the rose. He held it out to me. "May I have the honor of escorting the young lady to dinner?"

"Yes Jesse, dinner would be lovely, but that is all, and only if you promise to bring me home before midnight. I turn into a pumpkin." I took the rose and smelled it. "Thank you, Jesse." Giggling, I held it for him to smell. "It smells better than puke."

"God, I hope so, he said." He held his nose and wrinkled it. "If it didn't, the florist would be out of business." We laughed together. Jesse became serious. "Suzy, we can go slowly. One step at a time and we'll see what happens, Okay?"

"Jesse, I'm hurting. I need time to figure out where I am and where I'm going. If you can forgive me and have patience with me, then we'll see what happens. Maybe we can learn to be friends again."

"Agreed!" he said, offering his hand. "Shake?" We shook hands.

"Jesse, I think you're right. If I hate you and Mikal, then I hate myself. It doesn't feel good, does it?" I said.

"No, it doesn't." He pretended to faint. "If you don't feed me, I'll vanish. Oops, not a good analogy."

I took Jesse's hand and we went for Mexican food. The busy dinner hour was over, so parking was easy. We arrived at "our place" and ordered our usual two Super Tacos with all the chips and salsa we could eat. Jesse could polish off a bowl of salsa in a flash. We had known each other so long; we soon became less tense and enjoyed the evening as he told me about school.

As we strolled back to the car, I was commenting on the stars and the pretty twinkling lights on the hillside. I froze, looking at the houses. Jesse tried to follow my gaze, and asked, "Suzy, what's wrong?"

"Jesse, that's Mikal's house on the hill. I wasn't aware it was so close to the Plaza," I said.

"Okay Suzy, I see lots of houses. If you're right, so what? You said he's gone."

"The lights are on, Jesse. It was dark before. I've driven by several times and it was always dark. Take me to Mikal's house, Jesse. I have to know if he's back," I said, clinging to Jesse's arm.

"Suzy...Suzy, look at me." I turned to him. "Are you sure you want to go his house? He asked. "I don't think it's a good idea, but we can drive by, if you insist."

"Oh Jesse, it's not right to ask you to take me to Mikal's house." I caught my breath, and said, "Jesse, what if he's back and hasn't called me? What am I doing, it's awful to ask you to take me there."

Holding my arms so I couldn't see Mikal's house, Jesse said, "Suzy, either he's come back or not. Either way I win. If someone else is at his house, then you know he's gone. If he's back...then you know he doesn't care about you."

I was trying not to cry. "Jesse, I'm scared, but you're right, either way is bad, isn't it?"

"Yes Suzy, either way is bad," he said. "On the other hand, it will give you a better perspective of how things are." Jesse took my hand and led me to the car. "Buckle up, Kiddo; this could be a wild ride. I know how to get to Ken and Sara's house; you can direct me from there." He backed out of the parking space. "Let's go face the dragon."

The closer we were to Mikal's house, the closer I was to total panic. When we stopped at a stop sign under a streetlight, Jesse could see the fear on my face. He reached over and held my hand as I gave directions. We parked in front of the house next door and I could see movement in Mikal's house.

"Jesse, someone's inside, I can't do this. Knowing the truth will be worse. Would you go for me?" I asked.

Turning to me, he said, "Suzy, if Mikal is back, you need to see his face when he sees you. Then you will know for sure what you mean to him and you can go on with your life."

"Jesse, I see two people. What if it is a woman?" I asked.

"Same answer, Suzy. Come on. Let's get it over with," He said. "I'll go with you."

He opened the door and pulled me out on his side. We walked up the front steps and rang the bell. I held my breath until the door opened...It wasn't Mikal. Jesse put his arm around me, so I wouldn't faint. He saw I couldn't speak. "Sir, my name is Jesse and this is Suzy. We're looking for Mikal."

"Sorry, there's no Mikal here," the man said. "We moved in yesterday. It was vacant. We got it through base housing. Whoever Mikal was, he sure did a great job on this place. We offered to buy it."

I almost passed out. "No! Mikal would never sell this house." I burst into tears. "No, you can't have it. It's Mikal's house," I shouted.

"Sorry sir," Jesse said, "memories do weird things." Jesse led me from the front door and when we got to the car, I collapsed into his arms. Jesse held me until I stopped crying.

"Suzy, it's over now," Jesse said, trying to sooth me. "It was better this way. You would have come back on your own and had the same results. At least I'm with you now. You're not alone."

Between sobs, I tried to talk. "I am ...alone. Mikal's....Mikal's gone...You'll be...gone to school. Sara..." I became alert. "Take me to Sara's."

When Sara saw me with Jesse, I thought she would attack him, especially in my condition. "What in the hell did you do now, Jesse?" Sara yelled, and pulled me from him; she almost slammed the door in his face.

"No!" I held my hand to Jesse. "I made Jesse take me to Mikal's house. Sara, someone else is living in it now. It's not Mikal." I burst into tears as Sara led me to the couch.

"Jesus, Suzy, why'd you go to Mikal's?" Sara asked.

I recovered a little. "Jesse and I were at Presidio Plaza and I saw the lights on in his house."

Jesse finished the story. "I couldn't let her go alone, Sara."

Sara scowled at him. "Come in and close the door Jesse, before all the other bugs come in." He did. "I saw the moving truck yesterday," Sara said. "I asked about Mikal, but heard the same answer. The man never met Mikal and didn't know who owned the house. Suzy, I hadn't figured out how to tell you." Sara continued to hold me as she turned on Jesse. "What are you doing here? Haven't you done enough without taking her to that house?"

"I'm here for the weekend trying to make amends, Sara. Would it have been better for her to go alone? She drives by here all the time to your house."

"Fine, you're right, Jesse," she said. "God, I hate saying that to you. I want to know how that trick makes amends. Look at her, Jesse; she's a mess. She was finally getting back to normal."

"Sara, if I leave Suzy with you, will you get her home?" he asked.

"No Jesse, don't go," I said. "Wait for me." I tried to sit up, but Sara turned me toward her.

"Suzy, listen to me. Every man, who treats you as if you're a cute little puppy dog, doesn't love you. He just wants to steal your bone." Sara pointed at Jesse. "That one's already tried. Don't give him another chance."

"Sara, I'll be okay," I said.

Sara leered at Jesse and threatened him. "She better be, or don't you ever set foot in this town again, do you hear me?"

Jesse said, "Sara, I apologize for my bad behavior. You have ample cause to doubt me, but I am truly trying to be a better person. Suzy, I'll wait in the car. Take your time." Sara eyed him with caution as he left the house.

I was calmer now, and said, "Sara, Jesse's trying to turn to a new page. He's going to AA and to counseling, and his advisor at school is helping him. Please give him a chance. No, we haven't reconciled our relationship. We've hurt each other. I know it sounds like déjà vu, but we are trying to be friends again and see what happens."

Sara hugged me. "Please be careful, you don't want to be bitten again. You're getting to be more work than my one year old."

We stood and hugged. "Thanks, Mommy," I said, "I'll be careful crossing the streets." Sara smacked my behind as I went out the door.

When we left Sara's, I asked Jesse to avoid Mikal's house. He was quiet a long time before he spoke. "I've burned a lot of bridges in this town. I've been a real creep, haven't I?"

"Not always, Jesse. You can be a nice person. Keep working on your new self," I said.

"Well, maybe now, I have an incentive." He gazed at me. "Do I, Suzy?" he asked.

"Jesse, you have to do this for yourself. No matter what happens between us, this has to be for you first."

"You're right. Will you write to me if I write to you?" he asked.

"I will answer every letter I get from you," I replied.

"Ouch! I need to do better than in the past." Jesse parked in front of my house. "Can we sit and talk for a while?"

"Just talk?" I asked.

Jesse held up his right hand and said, "Scouts honor."

I eyed Jesse with disgust. "Yea, I've heard that one before."

Chapter 27

Jesse and I sat in the car for another two hours. We reminisced about high school, old friends, and how easy things were then. In three years, Jesse lost contact with many of his friends, so I updated what I could. It seemed like old times. Holding my hand was the extent of touching me, and at the door, he did not attempt to kiss me. I was relieved he was giving me some space and time.

Saturday, we went to Harbor Village. It is on San Diego Harbor, a tourist trap, with dozens of cute little shops and several good restaurants. It was a favorite place, because it was free. The fish and chips were affordable and good, although, the seagulls usually ate half of our fries. At night, the lights twinkle throughout the Village, almost like Christmas, but without the Christmas trees. As teenagers, we could find a dark corner to make out, but kissing was the limit, because too many people were around.

Jesse arrived before noon. We ordered fish and chips from Tony's and sat on their patio to eat. Tony's had three restaurants; fancy, middle range, and fast food. Being poor high school kids, we always picked fast food. Jackets were necessary; the fog barely lifted. You never knew if July 4th would be hot or cold along the beaches, and as always, the seagulls got their share of our fries.

We were relaxed and laughing at past memories. Jesse asked about fireworks, "The fireworks displays are tomorrow night, where should we go? They have them here at the harbor, at Mission Bay, and La Jolla, so take your pick. We could take a blanket to the bay or maybe try to get up higher at one of the parks."

I said, "We could see both the harbor and Mission Bay from Mikal's deck." As soon as the words were out, horror crossed my face. I slapped my hand over my mouth and turned away from Jesse. "I'm sorry Jesse, it came out without thinking. It's going to take some time to put Mikal away."

Jesse put his arm around my shoulder and pulled me close to him. "I know, Suzy, we both have some work to do."

Jesse tried to hide the hurt as he gazed across the water. I wondered if the hurt was for him or for me, probably both. "Jesse, can you be patient with me?" I asked.

He hugged me, and said, "That goes both ways, okay? I still have a long way to go, myself. Can you be patient with me?" I nodded, yes. "Come on then, let's walk to the Village, walking will help."

We laughed as the seagulls fled when Jesse flapped his arms at them.

We walked along the harbor holding hands. Jesse pointed to Coronado and said, "We have two aircraft carriers tied up at North Island today." San Diego took pride in their carriers. "Have you ever been on one of them?" I shook my head, no. "They are huge, no, enormous. They don't appear big from here, but you're an ant on a football field. I think about 5,000 people live on them. If you get a chance for a tour, do it. Before I left for college, a friend of my Dad's took us." He looked at me and frowned. "Why didn't I invite you?" He squeezed my hand. "It won't happen again. I'll make sure you're part of everything I do, or at least have a choice. I've ignored you too much since I went to college." He stared at the ground and shrugged. "My father's always saying I have to pay for my mountain of sins. Maybe he's always been right about me, and maybe I don't deserve you, Suzy"

"Jesse, please don't say that. Let's just work on today and tomorrow, okay?" We hugged; then walked on.

It was becoming a beautiful day in San Diego. As we went past a warehouse, we looked into the water. The sunlight reflected off a school of little fish as they darted back and forth. Sometimes, the dirty harbor could be beautiful. It took almost an hour to walk the short distance to the Village, by the time we stopped to watch the sailboats and the fishing boats go in and out of the harbor. The sun was hot, so we ordered sodas, but as we approached a bench, I balked and turned away.

"Suzy, what's wrong?" Jesse grabbed my arm to stop me from fleeing. I tried to pull away, but Jesse held my arm. "Suzy, tell me what's wrong."

"Jesse...let me go," I said.

"No! Talk to me, Suzy."

"Jesse, you don't know what you're asking." I leered at the bench, still in a panic.

He led me to the sea wall, away from the bench, and said, "Now, don't look at it and tell me what's wrong, Suzy."

"Jesse...it's about Mikal."

"Go ahead; we have to get through this," he said.

I took a big breath and let it out. "Early in our relationship, Mikal and I had an incident, not sex, but...how do I put it? It was the first time I knew how a woman's body reacted to a man's kiss." Surprise, then hurt crossed Jesse's face. I shook my head. "No, Jesse, It's not right to tell you these things. I've hurt you enough."

He rubbed the back of my neck. "Suzy, your relationship with Mikal is still fresh. You're hurting, and yes, it hurts me to hear the things you did with him, but we can't renew a relationship until you heal. You can't forget Mikal if it's bottled up inside. I don't need all the gory details, but I'm willing to listen."

At La Jolla, Mikal forced me to talk about what Jesse had done to me. Huh, I have come full circle, but Jesse doesn't need to know how the day at La Jolla ended in Mikal's bed.

"Hey Suzy, come back." Jesse was squeezing the back of my neck, to get my attention, I'd spaced out into the past.

I scrutinized him, saying, "Jesse, you've changed. You're calmer, and more patient. You're more sure of yourself, not in an ego way, but from inside. Maybe you have grown up."

"You mean I've turned into an old man?" he said.

We laughed. "No, I mean you are caring more for others than for yourself. I prefer the new Jesse. I hope he stays around for a long time."

Jesse ducked his head, and said, "Huh, I was pretty bad in high school, wasn't I? I thought I ruled the roost. No one else mattered, then." He looked sadly at me and said, "I was the only one who mattered these past three years, wasn't I? I'm sorry, Suzy. You tried to wait for me as we promised, but I could only see my needs."

"Why me, Jesse? Why did you pick me over all those prettier, more popular girls? They were all over you. I was a plain Jane." I said.

"No you weren't, Suzy; you've always been beautiful. You were loyal. I could flirt and play around and you would still be by my side without question. I loved you as much as any jerky, teenage boy could, but I sure didn't take care of you. It seems that attitude followed me to college, what you didn't know didn't hurt me. When I saw you with Mikal, it hit me in the face, and I knew what a fool I'd been. Did you hear what Mikal said that made me try to hit him?"

"I don't remember," I said.

"He said, 'You have to take care of what's yours to keep it.' I can't tell you how many times his words have gone through my head this past month. Half the time I've been mad as Hell at him for trying to steal you; and the other half, I've been mad at myself for giving him the opportunity. If I lose you, it's my fault; if I get you back it's because of Mikal's words."

Jesse turned to me and held my eyes with his, "To answer your question, yes, I had my pick of almost any girl I wanted, but I've discovered I already had the pick of the litter." Tears were streaming down my face and I threw my arms around Jesse's neck and hugged him. He whispered in my ear. "I love you Suzy, I've always loved you. I'm sorry I didn't know how to cherish you."

I squeezed my eyes shut, without answering, and wished I could say the same words of love, with certainty. I said, "Thank you Jesse, and I'm so sorry we're learning the hard way."

It felt wonderful to have Jesse hold me and declare his love, but then he broke the spell by asking, "So what were you going to tell me about you and Mikal?"

"Oh, Jesse...Why did you have to remember that?" I said.

Jesse sat back and took my hands. "Go on, Suzy. You had an incident; if it wasn't sex, what was it?"

I began my story, "Neither of us was ready for, or expected...our reaction to each other. We were in the park, it was one kiss, but it escalated out of control. He sent me home and wouldn't talk about it." I paused and frowned. "The next day he was gone. Huh, Mikal ran away then, too. He went to Kentucky and didn't return for a week; he sent a note in the mail telling me he went home." I frowned and turned away. Did that mean Mikal would come back? Was Jesse thinking that, too?

"Suzy, go on," Jesse said, to get my attention.

I glanced quickly at Jesse, but turned away because I didn't want to see his face as I continued. "When Mikal came home, he was reconciled to the incident. I wasn't. I didn't understand why he sent me away and why he wouldn't talk to me."

I hesitated again, but he pushed, "Go on, Suzy."

"Anyhow, after he came home, from Kentucky, he wanted to talk. We came down here and ended up on that bench. He asked me a bunch of questions about my experiences with men." I made another big sigh to get up more courage. "Jesse, in high school and up until a month ago, we, or I, were living by church rules. We weren't supposed to touch or dance or do any of 'those terrible things' because we would get into trouble, which meant we'd have sex. Whenever you tried to touch me, I made you stop because of all the rules. I know now what I was beginning to feel with you, but I never let it go far enough to understand. I was pretty dumb about men and sex, and the feelings I experienced with him, so he...educated me." When Jesse's eyebrows shot up, I talked fast. "Verbally educated me, and clinically."

"So you went home with him and had sex to illustrate your education?" he asked.

I whipped my head around to look at Jesse. "No Jesse, and I didn't let him kiss me again."

Jesse was struggling before asking, "Until...when, Suzy?"

"Jesse, do you have to know?" I said.

"Yes, Suzy, otherwise, I will always wonder why you had sex with Mikal, who you said you weren't dating, when you wouldn't let me get to second base."

"Jesse, it wasn't until after you tried to rape me."

He calculated for a minute and slowly shaking his head, he said, "But it had to be the same weekend. Why then? I expect you were upset after I left. I tried to rape you."

I shook my head. "No, no, no. Jesse, don't make me answer. Why can't you just accept it happened?"

He stared at me and insisted on an answer. "All the time we've been going together, you said we had to wait until we were married. You made me live by those rules. I have a right to know why him, before you were married, instead of me?"

I closed my eyes and rubbed my forehead with my fingertips. Jesse pulled my hands away and waited for an answer. "Jesse...after the day you assaulted me, I decided I wanted my first time to be from love, not from force. Mikal never pushed me, and you were so aggressive. I honestly believed Mikal loved me."

I watched the color drain from his face. Jesse stared at me for what seemed an eternity. "Assaulted? I loved you, Suzy. I've wanted to show my love for you, but you always said no to me." He walked away, and stood gazing at the water with his hands on his hips.

God, I sure was an expert at driving away a man.

Jesse returned, and said, "Stay here. I'll be back in a while." He walked away.

I moved to the shade of a tree and waited. If he didn't come back, I could call someone to come for me. Good going girl, you've destroyed another man and for sure any possibility of a relationship with Jesse.

Thirty minutes later Jesse returned with a bottle in his hand. As he came closer, I realized it was beer. I closed my eyes, turned my head, and waited for the worst.

He stopped in front of me, the bottle in his hand, hanging at his side. He took my arm and led me to the seawall. He held up the bottle of beer and said, "See this?" I nodded, yes. "Thirty minutes ago I hated you, I hated me, and I was sure I needed this. I opened it, and the smell made me gag...I wonder why?" He scowled at the memory. "I stupidly compelled you to tell me the truth, now I have to live with it, like it or not." Jesse eyed the beer, turned toward the water, upended the bottle, and poured the beer into the bay. He threw the empty bottle into a trashcan resulting in the crashing sound of glass breaking.

"Jesse, I'm proud of you." I laid my hand on his cheek. "I shouldn't have told you the truth. We don't need to know the details about each other's indiscretions."

"Hush!" He pulled me into his arms and kissed me with a gentleness as never before. It was the kiss of a man in love, not in lust. He held me tightly to his body and a warm glow swelled from my toes to my head. He stopped long enough to ask, "Is that how it's done?" I nodded, yes, and he met my lips, first tenderly, then it escalated to mutual desire. We separated when two young boys walked by, giggling and pointing at us. Their parents gave us dirty looks. We giggled, but then Jesse sobered, ruining the moment by asking, "Is that how Mikal made you fall in love with him?"

"Jesse, don't. You know everything you need to know about Mikal and me. I will never compare you and Mikal, so don't ask." I tried to push him away, but he pulled me back.

"You're right Suzy, I shouldn't have asked." He held me tighter, peering at me, "How about asking, is that how I can make you fall in love with me again?"

I gave him a coy look and said, "Maybe, but the beer trick was a real hit."

"Can't we just do the kissing trick? I'm a poor college boy and the beer trick could add up to a lot of money." We both laughed and repeated the kissing trick, but not quite so eagerly, so we wouldn't offend anyone. You would think San Diegans would be used to seeing passionate kissing in public, around the harbor area, with all the sailors who come home to their wives and girlfriends.

Our hearts were pounding and our breathing was heavy. When we slowed for air, Jesse tried to talk. "Maybe we should walk around before we drop our clothes right here on the sidewalk and they throw us in jail... It's a good thing people can't read minds, 'cause I could still be thrown in jail."

"They don't have to read your mind to know what you're thinking, Jesse."

"Do they know I want to"... Jesse hung his arm around my neck pulling me closer, and whispered things in my ear I never heard or imagined.

"Jesse!" I pulled back enough to see him better. "Is that what you learned in college?"

"I thought we weren't supposed to tell?" he said.

"Well, you didn't learn those things from me, so it must have been elsewhere," I said.

"We have books at college, lots, and lots of books," he said. "Some are good books and some are naughty books. The frat house had a few good books, but it was full of naughty books. I'll send you some of them so you can be educated, too."

"Yea sure, Jesse, and take a chance my grandmother would see the package?"

"Woops, not cool. She already hates me." He bit my earlobe and shivers ran down my spine. "I'll bring them next time I come home and we can have a study group, only the two of us. We'll test everything to make sure the books are accurate."

He took off skipping and spinning around, clapping his hands. "Ha ha, you're it, you have to test one first." I ran after him and when I caught him, he held me against a tree and kissed me until everything inside melted. When he stopped, my head fell back onto the tree. He laughed as I gasped breathlessly. He nibbled my ear again and laughed, as my whole body shivered. "No more kisses like that until I come home in August," he said. "I want you to remember how you feel right now, Suzy. Think about me every day and count the seconds until I'm home. I want you to love me and need me as much as I do you."

"Jesse..." I was about to protest, but he put his arm around my shoulder and led me away.

"Let's go find the carousel. I bet you haven't ridden it since I left for college," he said. We rode three times. Each time picking a different animal, laughing, and pretending to be racing to the finish line. Twice Jesse caught a brass ring. He turned in one ring for a free ride, but kept the other.

"What are you going to do with the ring? You could have had another free ride," I said. He winked at me and put it in his pocket.

The next two hours, we explored the shops. I preferred the music box store and the pet store. Jesse liked the kite shop and of course, the sports store. He bought a fuzzy, stuffed animal for me. I found a baseball hat for him.

We were ambling towards the car with Jesse's arm across my shoulders when suddenly, he burst out laughing. "Hey, do you know what was the most fun on Friday nights?" he asked.

"What? We did a lot of crazy things, Jesse."

"It was a blast to cruse Coronado with all the car windows open and the radios blaring. The people living on the island were furious at us for driving through their neighborhoods. The cops tried to run us off, but too many of us invaded their town. They finally planned a way to block off all the streets except the ones taking us back over the bridge to San Diego. Remember the time they routed us down the Strand to IB and it took us hours to get home? God, your grandmother was mad at me when we didn't get home until midnight." We were both laughing at the memories. "Let's go to Coronado, Suz. We can go to the Strand Hotel and pretend we're rich people."

"What? Dressed this way?" I asked. "They'd never believe we have two dimes between us."

Jesse laughed. "All we have to do is walk through and watch them look down their noses at us."

"Jesse, I thought you had grown up?" I said.

"Suzy, growing up doesn't mean you can't have fun," he said, "and it won't hurt anyone. We can find a cheap place to eat, and then walk on the beach past all those big fancy houses. You can pick the one you want, so I can buy it for you when I become a famous concert pianist."

Reverting to teenagedom, we drove over the high, curvy bridge to Coronado. I always have the willies going over that bridge. When we strolled into the hotel, I found a payphone to call Gram to let her know I was still with Jesse. When I hung up, we pretended we were having trouble getting through to Paris. We became bored with the Strand, and went to find some food, and then to the beach where we walked past the enormous, beautiful houses facing the ocean. I inspected each one carefully and picked the one he would buy for me someday. We laughed like we did as kids on a carefree summer night. We removed our shoes to run in the sand, and kissed with the water lapping at our toes.

"Jesse, I haven't had this much fun since high school." I said, putting my arms around his neck. "Why does life have to get so serious and messed up?"

"Serious will be stricken from our vocabulary," he said. "We'll only allow laughs and kisses in our future." He picked me up and swung me around until we fell onto the sand where we shared one long, hot kiss. When we stopped to catch our breath Jesse grinned, and said, "I'm not keeping my word, am I?"

"What word?" I asked.

"I said I wouldn't kiss you that way again. I wanted you to remember the kiss at the Village," he said softly.

I brushed sand from Jesse's face and smiled. "Jesse, why don't I just remember the last kiss, whenever it happens?"

"My Sweet Suzy, I am trying to behave and those hot kisses don't make it easy. If your grandmother finds me in your bedroom, she'll use the bat on me before asking questions. I never thought I would be the one to say 'cool it.' Suzy, can I break another promise?"

"Now what, Jesse? I thought you were a man of your word?"

"I guess not," said Jesse, while studying my face. "Suzy, when I'm home in August can we go someplace private?" When I didn't answer right away, he didn't push, but said, "Think about it, okay?"

I nodded, but was thinking it hadn't been the plan to go to Mikal's house that day to have sex. Maybe it was time to make the choice and plan for it, on purpose, so I said, "Jesse, maybe it's time for me to grow up and visit the doctor about the pill, just in case."

A questioning gaze crossed his face and he asked, "You're twenty and not on the pill?" I shook my head, no. He thought for a moment. "Then all the time you spent with Mikal, you weren't planning to sleep with him?"

"No Jesse, I wasn't. Until that Saturday night, I believed Mikal and I were just friends. He knew from the day we met, you were my fiancé."

"You weren't sleeping him...because of me?" he asked.

"Yes, it was because of you, Jesse."

He eyed me, closed his eyes, and shook his head. "Man, what I fool I've been. The past three years have been a total waste for me. I don't mean academically, school has been great, but my personal life has been a sham. I wish I hadn't behaved so badly last month, but on the other hand, if it hadn't happened, I would still be at school in the middle of one big, drunken party. Eventually it would be too late to salvage us, or me. I can't thank Dr. Schmidt enough for rescuing me. I owe him my life."

"All the thanks he wants, is for you to keep it together, and stay on the right path. Jesse, I can't make promises about us, but I am so proud of you, and I love you very much." His kisses awakened the woman in me, I felt his manhood, and understood sexual arousal. If we had been in a private place, we couldn't have stopped the speeding train. We lay together on the sand, after refraining ourselves from further display. The sun was low in the sky and the police cars began cruising the beaches, watching for romantic couples waiting for dark. They beeped their sirens to let them know the cops were watching. We cooled off by then, so we stood, brushed the sand from our clothes, and walked slowly to the car. As we drove past 'my house', Jesse saluted it and said he'd be back one day.

It was dark when we arrived at my house, but the lights were still on. "It seems your grandmother is awake," said Jesse. "Do you think I might score some points if I take you home early tonight? Deservedly, I am way down on her list of welcome Suzy suitors."

Gram was surprised when we came through the door. "Good evening Mrs. Robins. I brought Suzy home early tonight, all safe and sound," he said.

I burst out laughing, and said, "Jesse, at ease, you aren't talking to the President."

He hung his head and laughed nervously. "I'm a little up tight. I wasn't welcome after my bad behavior last month." Nervously, he stood about three feet from me.

Gram said, "Thank you for bringing Suzy home early, Jesse, and thank you for calling this afternoon. You were gone a long time. No matter how old the kids get, we still worry, especially when we have good reason."

"You're welcome, Mrs. Robins." Jesse knew better than to defend himself.

I took Jesse's hand and rescued him by retreating to the front porch.

After we were settled, Jesse wiped his brow. "Man, I thought I was in front of a firing squad." We laughed and he took my hand. "Am I allowed to do this much on your porch?" I nodded, yes, and we laughed again. Jesse fidgeted nervously, but ten minutes later Gram turned the lights down in the living room, darkened the front porch, and went to bed. Jesse peeked in the window. "I had to make sure she wasn't spying on us." I slapped his shoulder. "Ouch, she's beating me," he said.

"Quiet, Jesse, Gram will come out here to see what you're yelling about."

Jesse put his hand over his mouth and peeked into the living room again. "Good, she didn't come out from her room." He began playing with my fingers, eventually concentrating on my ring finger. "Now I wish I had put a ring on this finger after you graduated from high school. You said it, for a smart guy I'm not very smart." He lifted my hand and kissed it, and then he closed his eyes and rested his lips on my ring finger, remaining quiet without kissing it.

"What are you thinking, Jesse?" I said.

He squeezed my hand, holding it awhile longer before answering. "It's too soon to tell you, Suzy. You need to work out what you want our relationship to be. Right now, I'm lucky to be with you." I smiled and we sat in extended silence.

As he studied my hand, while rubbing my finger, little twitches made creases between his eyebrows, so I asked, "What's wrong Jesse?"

Almost in a whisper, he asked, "What if Mikal comes back, Suzy?"

I fought tears, partly for Jesse's anguish and partly for the hurt still haunting me. I said, "Mikal won't be back. I agree with Sara, someone can't disappear in one morning, with everything they own, without planning ahead." I wiped a leaking tear from my eye. "Jesse, he lied to me, he used me, he raped me as surely as you tried, but it was so subtle I didn't call it rape."

After kissing my fingers, he said, "He was your friend, your lover, and for a week, your fiancé. In three months, he undid what we built over five years. I'm going to be gone another year and I'm terrified Mikal will return with some plausible reason for leaving, and he will sweep you away."

I turned to face Jesse and said, "If Mikal returned in a few days, I honestly don't know what I would have done. I've had time to reflect on the progression of my relationship, and I realize now, he had a plan he implemented extremely well. He played me with the finesse he played his guitar and foolishly I fell for every sweet word he uttered. I'm sorry Jesse."

With his eyes closed, he pressed my hand against his cheek. We both fought tears. In barely audible words, he said, "I'm sorry too, Suzy. I'm sorry he hurt you and sorrier I hurt you."

I shivered, so he said, "The fog is coming in. Are you getting cold?

"Yes, now that you mention it, I am."

We went just inside the door and he said, "We've had a rough summer so far, I certainly hope it improves. May I pick you up for church tomorrow?" I nodded. He held me loosely and nuzzled my ear with his lips. "I think the kiss on the beach should be our good night kiss." With one quick peck on my cheek, he smiled and left.

Standing by the window, remembering the kiss on the sand, I watched him drive away. Jesse changed and I prayed, "God, please don't let me hurt him more than I already have." I changed into my nightclothes and went to sleep hugging my pillow.

Chapter 28

The next day, Jesse said his father invited us to the family's Sunday dinner. I replied, "As I remember, the one dinner I attended was an extension of the church service. Does your father still do that?" I asked.

"Afraid so," he said. "It's up to you, but it certainly isn't what I planned for today."

"I'll go with you, Jesse. I don't know your family well except to nod hello at church. I should be better acquainted with your family."

We were the last to arrive at Jesse's house and everyone was sitting around the table. His mother and father welcomed me, and his sister and her boyfriend said hello.

Jesse's father announced it was time to bless the food, so we joined hands around the table. "Dear Jesus, please bless this food and all who partake of it...." The beginning was rather innocuous, but as he warmed up, he began quoting scriptures about sinners, harlots, and fornicators. His voice rose, as he told us we should ask forgiveness for our sins.

Jesse stood, holding my hand, and said, "That's enough Father. I can see where your sermon is pointed, but you are wrong, and way out of line. You owe us an apology, especially Suzy." His father glared at us. "Come on Suzy, we're obviously not welcome here at my father's dinner table." We sped away in Jesse's car, with tires screeching.

"Jesse, calm down or we'll have an accident," I warned.

He pulled to the curb, stopped, and jumped out. He paced up and down the sidewalk for ten minutes before returning to the car. He opened my door and knelt on the grass next to me to apologize. "Suzy, I'm sorry. My father has appointed himself God's messenger to all us sinners, but in my wildest dreams, I never imagined he would do that to us. I'm furious. I might have decked him, if I hadn't been so mad and anxious to get you away from him."

Jesse laid his head in my lap, almost crying. I held him, trying to soothe him, and said, "Jesse, I'm sorry, too."

"Are you okay, Suzy?" he asked.

"It happened so fast, I wasn't fully aware your father was talking about us, or me," I said. "You've heard him so many times you recognized where he was going with his prayer. I was more shocked when you pulled me out of the house, than by what he was saying."

"I'm sorry he picked on you, Suzy. I don't know why," said Jesse.

"I'm sure he saw me with Mikal at church. We often sat together and left together, but we never held hands or displayed affection."

"Suzy," he said frowning, "you and Mikal didn't have to touch to display affection, because it was on your faces. If I saw it, my father saw it and imagined the worst, just as I did."

I frowned and said, "Jesse, I'm so sorry I caused a problem. When will I stop hurting you? I gave your father ammunition to hurt you, too."

"Hush," he said. "You can't imagine how much I don't miss those Sunday dinners. If it wasn't you, it would have been something else," Jesse said, half-crying, half laughing. He took a deep breath and exhaled slowly, then scooted me over to sit on the edge of my seat, facing me. "Maybe I've misbehaved at college, because I was finally free from my father's dominance. My sister and I never pleased him, so he always prayed about some sin we committed. If he beat me, at least you could have seen the marks he left. I will never go into his house again, except to get my things, and I'll make sure he's not home."

I pulled Jesse to me, hugged him, and asked, "Did you ever talk to him about how he hurts you?"

"Yea, my father said if I stopped sinning, he wouldn't have to pray for me so hard."

"Jesse, I'm so sorry. Come stay at my house until you leave for school. If you need something from your house, you can leave it in our garage."

"Will your grandmother approve? I'm not on her good list, either," he said. "Am I on anyone's good list? I've certainly messed up my life."

"Jesse, don't say that about yourself, we all make mistakes. You're a good person. I'll tell her what happened. It will only be tonight, and you can use the lumpy couch."

"My pal, you have a nice soft bed, big enough for two and I get the lumpy couch?" he teased.

"If you want to stay away from the bat, you do," I said.

"Another one of my mistakes was giving that bat to your grandmother. Maybe I should sleep with one eye open," he said.

We gathered boxes from grocery stores, so he could pack his belongings while his father was at church. I called his sister pretending to be a girlfriend, so Jesse could ask her to leave a door unlocked. He wouldn't let me go with him, so instead he took me home where I would prepare Gram. I told her about the dinner and Jesse's history with his father.

"Well, from what I saw of Jesse, when he was younger, his father had plenty to pray about," she said. "He had no right to say those things about you, true or not. If you sin, it's between you and God, not him and God."

"Gram, Jesse went to get some of his things, and I told him he could leave them in our garage while he's at school."

"Okay, if he doesn't have too much," he said.

"Tomorrow Jesse goes back to school, so he's going to use our couch tonight," I said.

Gram was adamant, "That boy is not sleeping on my couch, Suzy, not after what he did to you. I don't trust him."

"Gram you have two choices. He sleeps in my bed or on the couch, period!" I said.

"Fine, but I'll keep the bat handy," she said. "When will he be back?"

"Thank you," I said. "He'll probably return while you're at church, so I'll wait for him."

Jesse arrived about 8:00 p.m. He hung two suits in my closet, and put his boxes in the garage. "Thanks, Suzy. I didn't stay long, so I took what I couldn't replace if my father threw things out. Most of it is sports or music stuff. My old clothes don't fit, so I've grown up outside as well." I turned Jesse around for an inspection and could see his slim boy body turned into a bulkier, man body. "Do you approve?" he asked. I nodded. "Suzy, I promise to behave tonight. It's a holiday tomorrow, but I want to leave about 5:00 a.m. in the morning so I can go through L.A. early. Traffic will be light tonight in the Bay Area, so I should be at school before dark."

"It's a long drive, Jesse," I said.

"Ah, just step on the pedal and go, and I have the radio and cassettes to listen to." He glanced out the window. "Our plans to watch fireworks bombed. Can you see any from here?"

"We can't see the big ones, but kids have sparklers and firecrackers in the park," I said. "We could sit on the porch. You won't get to sleep early tonight with the noise."

"It's okay. I know places on the way to get very strong coffee. You follow the truckers, they know where to go," he said.

I put my arms around him. "Be careful, Jesse."

He backed up to the couch and pulled my body to his, with one hand on the back of my jeans. The kiss was long and so sensuous it challenged our good intentions. Every nerve ending erupted and every red blood cell doubled its speed with the pounding of our hearts. Our bodies came alive where they pressed together. His hands ran over the fabric of my clothes, but didn't attempt to remove them. "Suzy it's so good to hold you," he whispered in my ear, "I love you and I want you so much." We were breathless as our mutual needs were more intense than ever before.

"Jesse, don't let go of me. I want to be with you, no more saying no," I said.

He kissed my cheek, my ear, and down the side of my neck. "This isn't the time or place Suzy, because if your grandmother catches us, I'll be dead. I'll be back in August, if you're ready to be together, we'll find someplace to be alone." He stopped the kisses and held me, but we were gasping as we stood with our bodies glued together. Pushing me away, he said, "Suzy, get me a soda or a glass of water, so I can cool off." I returned with ice water. "Thanks, Sweet Thing." He extended his arm to stop me from coming closer to him. "May I take a shower tonight, so I don't wake you in the morning? I have a little alarm I'll set."

"Wake me, Jesse," I said. "Don't you dare go without telling me goodbye."

"Not a chance I'd leave without a kiss, Suzy," he said before picking up his duffle bag, heading for the bathroom.

"You'll find clean towels in the closet behind the door, Jesse."

"Thanks, Sweets," he said.

As I stared at the bathroom door, the sound of the water reminded me a second man was using my shower. My reaction to Mikal in my shower flooded my memory, then instantly my shower with Mikal at his house trumped the first memory. I closed my eyes and covered my face, trying not to cry. "Stop, stop, stop," I said aloud. Jesse can't come out to see me crying over Mikal's showers. Some secrets can't be told.

We hadn't eaten anything except a quick hamburger after we left Jesse's house at noon, so I made sandwiches, which we took to the porch. I was so quiet; Jesse studied my face and asked, "Are you okay?"

"Yea," I said. "It's been an overwhelming and exhausting weekend, so some food should help."

We watched the kids running through the park with their sparklers and heard a few pops and bangs nearby. When we went inside, Gram left a sheet, blanket, and pillow on the couch.

"How about that, Suzy, maybe your grandmother is taking a liking to me." Jesse held my face in both hands, examining me, then pulled me to his body, holding me gently. "I'm going to miss you, Suzy. This is the best weekend in a long time for me, well, most of it. Will you think about us until I get back in August? I mean our future?" he said.

Smiling, I said, "I will Jesse. A lot has happened this weekend. Most of it went very well."

"You should go to bed while I'm able to let you walk away, Suzy. I have to get up early," he said, and kissed my forehead, turned me around, and nudged me toward my room.

I hardly slept, or so I thought, because when Jesse sat on my bed the next morning, I jumped. "Hey, it's me," he said. "It's almost 5:00 a.m. I have to hit the road."

"Let me come to the door with you, Jesse." He took my hand and led me from my room.

At the front door, before he left, he kissed me. His hands wandered over the fabric of my summer nightgown, which was thin and rather short. "Mmm, nice outfit," he said, raising the hem so his hands were on my bare bottom. One hand held me close to him while the other rose to my breast, where he caressed it slowly and gently. I moaned as pleasure surged through me. "I love you, Suzy, and I want us to be together for the rest of our lives." I moaned and nodded. "We have a long history together and we can make it, my love."

"I don't want you to leave, Jesse. This weekend has been good for us," I said.

He eased his hold on me and said, "Slow down Suzy, I need to leave soon. It won't be long before I graduate next June, and I'll be home whenever I can, and for sure in August, the way we planned. Maybe you can come to Berkeley and tour the university. Don't you get vacation?"

"I have a week of vacation left this year," I said.

"Good, we won't waste this year like I have the past three." His caresses and kisses increased in intensity, as he touched me where he hadn't been allowed before. Neither of us wanted to stop, we were desperate for more than just the feel of bare skin. I was ready to sneak him to my room, but he stopped and was barely able to speak, "Suzy, I have to go, and besides your Grandmother could get up any minute."

I shook my head and murmured, "No."

"I don't want to go, Suzy, but I have to, because your grandmother will use her new bat on me. I'll be back soon, I promise." He lifted the hem of my nightgown and said, "Can I have this?"

"My nightgown? Why?" I said. He lifted it over my head so fast it took me by surprise.

He held it to his face and said, "The girls in the war gave their flyer boyfriends a silk scarf to tie around their necks when they went on a mission." He looped my nightie around his neck. "This can be mine to remember you." His hands ran from my back to my thighs and back up over my bare stomach to my breasts. I gasped and he chuckled, holding me to his body again. His cold belt buckle seared my bare stomach, the fabric of his clothes, scratchy on my skin. I giggled at the thought of being naked in my living room while Jesse was still fully dressed, and my grandmother asleep in the other room. One more loving look, one quick kiss, and Jesse left with his bag...and my nightie.

I watched through the window until the lights of his car disappeared, then raced to my room in case Gram woke early. I jumped into bed and pretended the sheets were Jesse's hands caressing me. Shivers of excitement racked my body. If this was being a woman, I never wanted to go back to my ignorant girlhood, as long as it was Jesse arousing my pleasure.

Chapter 29

I fell asleep after Jesse left for school, but the coolness of the sheets on my bare skin woke me, so I pulled the blanket around my shoulders and rolled over. I was happy huddled under my covers and I could still feel Jesse's touch on my bare skin. The weekend was good for both of us, and I believed a relationship was possible. Jesse changed this past month. I believed he loved me and wanted me to be part of his life, but we must move past our mistakes.

Gram was in the kitchen. When I said good morning with a grin on my face, she asked, "Was Jesse in your bed last night?"

I looked directly at her. "No, he wasn't, Gram." She examined me with her grandmotherly stare before she turned away. It was unusual for me to wear a bathrobe. "So, do you have things straightened out?"

"We're working on it. We'll see what happens. He has changed, Gram," I said. "He's a different person. It's amazing how a boy can turn into a man so quickly."

"He has another year until graduation?" she asked.

"Yes."

"Well," she said, "it will give the two of you time to figure out what you want. Think he will write, this time?"

"I hope so, Gram. I told him I would answer his letters."

"Good girl," she said. "I don't want you dedicated to a useless cause. Jesse's not the only man in this world."

"Yea," I said.

Gram saw my confused, faraway look, so she took me by the shoulders and turned me toward her. "Suzy, don't make Jesse, or any man, your second choice. It's not fair to him and you'll never be happy. You must put Mikal out of your heart before you can let anyone else in."

Softly, I replied, "That'll never happen, Gram. That weekend we were together, I loved him more than anything or anyone, but I can try my best to put him at the bottom of the line."

Gram held my chin in her hand and looked me squarely in the eye and said, "Listen to me Suzy, don't marry Jesse unless you know for sure you could walk away from Mikal, if he comes back."

"I have a lot of work to do, don't I, Gram?"

She hugged me and dried the tears in my eyes. "It's a holiday, what are your plans today?" she asked.

"Saturday, Jesse and I had a good time at Harbor Village, so I think I'll go back where I can still feel his presence," I said. "Mikal took me once, so maybe I can start to sort things out."

Taking my hand, Gram said, "I think love was simpler, when your Grandpa and I got married. We didn't have so many choices and pressures. Our beau's didn't go off to college for years." Gram frowned deeply and her eyes misted. "They took our boys to war, instead. My first choice never came back. Your Grandpa was always in love with me, so I married him. I was a good wife, but you never forget do you?" We hugged each other and cried, but soon separated and dried our eyes. "Go get dressed and have a good time," he said.

"Thank you Gram, I love you. Where would I be without you? We're a pretty good team." We hugged and I began my day.

Before I made it through the kitchen door, Gram asked, "If Jesse wasn't in your room last night, what happened to the cute little nightgown you usually wear?"

I stopped dead in my tracks, but didn't turn around. "Oh, it's somewhere." I hurried to my room, imagining my nightie, around Jesse's neck, flapping in the wind. Grinning, I closed my door so Gram wouldn't see my response to the memory of Jesse's closeness this weekend.

By the time I showered and dressed, it was almost noon, so I changed my mind and went to Balboa Gardens first. Rosie was waiting by the front window. I stood in front of her with one hand on my hip, and said, "Rosie, did you call me here or did you just know I was coming?" No answer, as usual, so I sat next to her. She waited for me to speak.

"Rosie, I've been with Jesse all weekend, but you know that, don't you? He's changed, and he's done it for me...well partly for me. Rosie, I've loved Jesse since high school and he loves me. I know he would make a good husband." I begged Rosie, "Can I put Mikal far enough back in my memory that he won't interfere with my life with Jesse, if I marry him? The last thing I want is to hurt Jesse. He can't be my second choice." When I started to cry, Rosie produced a small hankie with an "R" in one corner. I took it and laughed, as I asked, "God, how do you know?" After I dried my eyes, I waited for her to say something.

"Mikal come back," she said.

"When Rosie, tomorrow, a week, six months, six years?" I asked. Once more, no answer, so shaking my head, I looked away, then back. "Rosie, is that a promise or a warning?" Her eyes twinkled.

"Listen to heart," she said, placing a small, wadded piece of cloth in my hand. "For box." She turned her wheel chair and rolled herself away.

I rose to return the hankie, but instead, I tucked it into by bra and hoped for inspiration. In my car, I examined the piece of cloth and found shreds of fabric that appeared to have been a little black bag. Later, I would put it into the box as Rosie directed.

Tony's Fish Shack at the San Diego Harbor is a favorite place for reflecting on my problems. I ordered fish and chips and shared them with the seagulls. The sapphire blue water was a mirror of the stunning summer sky, but my mood was as black as the two, burnt French fries I was holding. Two months ago, I was in love with Jesse, but a month ago, it was Mikal. How could I be so wrong about two men?

A seagull, on the nearby railing, distracted my gloomy disposition as he screamed, "Feed me, feed me." I gazed at the two remaining fries, and said, "Since both my relationships may be ashes, like these potatoes, you may as well have them, but you may not survive either." Hesitantly I picked up Mikal, then Jesse, and held them toward the seagull. He flapped his wings and stretched his neck in anticipation of a delicacy. I tossed my loves toward the choppy water, but the bird gulped one in mid-flight before it splashed down, and a second gull swooped out of nowhere to steal the other. My lovers soared away in the bellies of two screeching birds. I saluted them, trying not to cry. God, would I ever stop crying over Mikal?

The charcoal spuds may be gone, but the pain wasn't. I had been in love with Jesse since high school and we planned to be married next year after he graduates from college. Everything was set, so why did Mikal come into my life?

I walked slowly toward the Village as Jesse and I did Saturday, and I watched the boats sail in and out of the harbor. The carriers were still in port. It's a good thing when they're not needed elsewhere. Coronado Island hadn't vanished, of course, but I couldn't see the sandy beach, because it was on the other side of the island. Jesse and I could have made love, if it hadn't been a public beach. A tingle ran through my body as I thought about it. I considered driving over the bridge, but knew I would cry. I must be eroding my poor tear ducts.

Mikal's bench hadn't changed since Saturday. Sitting on it was not easy, but it had to do it, if I was to exorcize him from my heart and mind. The time with him turned me from an ignorant young girl into a more knowledgeable woman. Could anyone else teach me as much about myself, as Mikal had, in those few short months I knew him? It wasn't just the sex, but I became aware of myself as a person, who could make my own decisions, and right or wrong, I owned them. He taught me to forgive and to love someone with every cell and nerve of my body. No, I knew he would never be gone from my inner self, but I had to find a place, with a secure door, to keep him locked away. If I am to have a life with Jesse, or anyone, I must bury Mikal very deeply. Would I have foregone Mikal's friendship to avoid this heartbreak? No! Otherwise, I would still be the same innocent girl battling an immature Jesse. Both Jesse and I matured. Maybe Mikal was the catalyst.

The sea wall, where Jesse poured his beer into the water, was a few steps away. I smiled at Jesse for winning a battle against his demons, and believed he would make it, with or without me. Two giggling kids walked by, reminding me of Jesse's kiss. I was missing him so much already, so I needed to move on, before I started blubbering...again.

I came to the tree, where Jesse kissed me. I stopped, and leaning against it, I could feel his kisses and his arms around me. I imagined a life with him, because I knew he loved me. This spot was my memory with Jesse, go away Mikal. Give me a chance to have a life with Jesse, he'll love me and be good to me. I couldn't stop the tears. I pulled Rosie's hankie from my bra and as I held it to my eyes, it was warm and became warmer. My love for Jesse grew and Mikal's memory faded.

I sat under the tree for almost an hour watching the people, the boats, the seagulls, and even a squirrel. He scolded me for being so close to his home. "All right Mr. Squirrel, I'll leave you alone. Do you have a family in the tree you are trying to protect?" As I walked away, I stopped to look back, and wondered if Jesse and I would have a family someday. The carousel was still turning and our favorite shops were open. When I went into the music box store, I played the pretty music box with the song I loved to hear Jesse play. It was too expensive now, but maybe later I could get one.

One shop had racks of greeting cards, birthday cards for all ages, sympathy cards, wedding cards, humorous cards, serious cards, and just pretty cards. I selected a birthday card for Gram and four general-purpose cards, and post cards I could send to Jesse, assuming he wrote to me. I could begin a collection of cards I would make myself, with pictures of the things Jesse liked. A light bulb went off.

I paid for the cards, left the store, and ran to my car. An art store was near our house, where I could get heavy paper, glue, and books and magazines with abundant pictures. I was sure I still had paints I used for watercolor. I focused on Jesse and me. Making my own cards, just for him, should help the time go by more quickly between visits.

I addressed a post card of Harbor Village and wrote, "Wish you were here." I applied fresh, red lipstick, kissed it repeatedly, and mailed it with no signature. Using post cards might ease the pressure of writing long letters. I crossed my fingers. Oh yes, I would get a supply of stamps and send some to Jesse.

Jesse got into the spirit of creating cards. Most of them were related to music, and on every one, was a little song and verse, he composed, for me to play on a piano. Some were funny, but many were about how much he loved me.

Soon after Jesse left, a small box arrived in the mail. He bought a chain for the brass ring from the carousel. The box came without a note, but I knew where it was from. I wore the ring and chain around my neck every day, and often, I found myself fingering the ring, smiling and thinking of Jesse.

At work one day, I was talking to Kelly, who lived near me. She said her family was going on vacation and she needed a house and pet sitter for two weeks in August. I jumped at the chance, but asked if Jesse could be with me, because he would be home then. She knew Jesse, because he had come into the bank, where we worked. She thought about my proposal and said, "Jesse can be with you, but don't make babies." I was puzzled. "I didn't say, no sex, just don't make a baby. Be careful. Your grandmother will come over here and strangle me. I know you're a big girl, but are you going to tell her about Jesse being here?"

"I will, Kelly, because I can't disappear for two weeks and he'll come to church with me. She knows Jesse and I are serious and she'll tell me the same thing you did." I confirmed the dates and thanked her profusely. As I walked away in high spirits, she seemed a little worried about her commitment, so I waved and smiled at her.

In my next letter to Jesse, I hinted I found a place for us stay during his visit in August, and we would be alone. I gave him the dates and told him to bring a swimsuit, because they have a pool. I also told him the new pills were working on my problem. I wasn't sure how private his room was, so I didn't want to be too specific.

Chapter 30

Kelly and her family left after work on Friday night, so I was at her house to see them off. The doorbell rang at 8:00 p.m., I ran to the door, and pulled Jesse inside. In a second, engulfed in his arms, his kiss went all the way to my toes.

"Oh Sweet Suzy, it's so good to hold you and kiss you." Looking around the house, he said, "Wow, you certainly found a better place than the sleazy motel I thought we could afford. It's all right for me to be here?"

"Yes, you met Kelly when you picked me up at work. The one stipulation is we can't make babies," I said.

Jesse frowned and asked, "Then where do we go to have fun?"

I laughed. "Right here, we just can't make a baby, but I think we have that covered."

Jesse wiggled his body against mine and kissed my ear. "When?"

"I brought a picnic dinner to have by the pool. I thought you might be hungry after your long drive."

"I'm hungry for you, Sweets. Food can wait," he said.

"Please, Jesse," I said, "I want Kelly to get far away. If they came right back because they forgot something, and found us in their bed, I would be mortified."

He laughed at me saying, "Mortified? That's a strange word to hear you use, Suzy. It sounds like a word out of Dickens." He kissed the tip of my nose and laughed. "Let's go have your picnic. Can I have you for dessert?"

"I made a chocolate cake with chocolate syrup for the ice cream," I said.

"Hmm, sounds good, but I might find something more fun to do with the chocolate syrup," he said. Jesse ran his tongue over my lips, sucked gently on them, and then began another kiss, turning me to mush. He laughed softly as he held me close to his body. "I'm going to devour you, my love, if you don't stop this and feed me some real food."

We broke apart reluctantly, and ate our picnic by the pool. I hadn't turned on the pool lights, so we had candles and house lights. The house was high enough on a hill we could see the lights of the city. It was a beautiful night as the city lights and the stars twinkled. I said to Jesse, "If you want to go swimming, put your suit on while I clean up. I put mine on earlier before you arrived."

Jesse grinned with a little chuckle. "Don't need one." He stood, stripped off his clothes, and dove into the water. "Come on. The water is great."

I was shocked he dove into the water naked. I only took off my outer clothes, down to my swimsuit, and dove in after him. He swam to me and ran his finger under the strap of my swim top, and said, "Don't you like skinny dipping?"

Shyly, I replied, "I don't know, I've never done it before."

He looked around and said, "It's too high for any nosy neighbors and its dark." He extended his hand. "Come here."

I took his hand and let him pull me through the water until he was holding me tightly to his naked body. I made a gasping sound and he grinned at me. We were at the beach many times, where Jesse held me this way, but the absence of that tiny piece of fabric, that was Jesse's swimsuit, almost caused me to panic. I tightened against his nakedness, so he relaxed his hold and he smiled at my shyness. Even though no one had windows overlooking the pool, I was sure the whole world could see us. His kisses were slow and gentle, and his hands avoided my private places. "Come swim with me," he said. We moved into the water and paddled around. I was uncomfortable with Jesse's nakedness as he turned and twisted in the water, but slowly I began to relax. After he swam more than a dozen laps, he returned to me in the deep end of the pool. Once again, he was holding me while he kissed me softly and passionately, but by now, I was more at ease.

"Are you going to remove your suit?" he asked.

I ducked my head without answering, unaware of his intent. He unhooked my swimsuit top and loosened the tie around my neck. In a flash, he removed my top and swam away with it. "Ha-ha, finders keepers. Bet you can't get it back," he said, standing in the shallow end waving my top in the air. "Come on, you can't spend the rest of your life in the deep end."

The challenge was on, and I forgot about being topless. As I was about to reach him, he dove under the water and swam away. I chased him around the pool until I was exhausted. Jesse laughed at me. This time when he pulled me to his body the touch of skin pressed to skin sent a new excitement through me, intensified by the next kiss. "Hey, Sweet Thing, I think you're enjoying this now," he said. "I hope you want me as much as I want you. That little cabana has a bunch of chaise mats we could spread around so we can continue this on dry land. Will you let me show you how much I love you tonight?"

I answered by pulling him tighter to me and escalated our kisses. "I want you to love me, Jesse, tonight. I want to be a part of you," I said. Jesse pressed my body between his body and the side of the pool while he kissed my mouth, my face, ears, neck, and down to the bareness of my breasts. The sensations of near nakedness, and the slickness of the water, sent wild spasms through both of us as we hung suspended in the water at the side of the pool.

"This is finally the right time to become one, Suzy. Come with me to the Casbah so I can ravish your body with my love," he said and we swam slowly to the stairs. Jesse found towels in the cabana; he dried himself first, extended his hand, and pulled me from the water. He didn't just dry my body. He made love, as he gently touched me with the towel's softness and kissed my skin.

He pulled the mats from the cabana and laid them on the deck. We lay on the mats and he kissed me from head to foot, but avoided my bikini pants at first. Eventually, focusing on the small piece of blue fabric, he ran his tongue around the waistband and the elastic of the legs. When his fingers stroked my skin under the band of the pants, I gasped at the excitement of his touch. "Isn't it time to get rid of this?" he said, and slowly pulled the blue fabric downward, over my legs, until it was free and he threw it into the pool. "You won't need that any more tonight, my love." His lips and hands were magic on my skin. I moaned in pleasure as his hands caressed my womanly places and set my sexual desires on fire. Each touch sent me higher, my every response encouraged him to bring me closer to our joining. I writhed under his touches and begged for more with each new sensation. I let out a deep guttural screamed as my body exploded when we reached the peak of our lovemaking together. We lay on the mats panting and holding each other.

After a while Jesse rolled away. He lay on his back with an arm across his eyes. I ran a finger down his bare chest and he winced. "I didn't mean to startle you," I said. "That was fantastic, Jesse. I'm so glad we are alone this weekend. All month since you left, I've thought about us being together." He grunted something I took for agreement. "We haven't had dessert yet, are you ready?"

"Yea, maybe you could fix something," he said.

I kissed his arm and shoulder, but he didn't move. I assumed it had something to do with Mikal's reaction to our kiss in the park, so I didn't question his demeanor. "I'll go take a shower first. Want to join me?" I asked.

He hesitated, but said, "No."

After I dried off from my shower, I put on a cute, short nightie I bought a few days before. It was light and silky, nearly see-through, and hung low, emphasizing my cleavage. It was the sexiest thing I ever owned and I was sure Jesse would like it. I was also certain my celibacy with him was over for good. I walked into the living room and saw him standing at the sliding door, staring outside at the pool. He was dressed in his regular clothes.

"Hi Jesse," I said

When he turned and saw me, his eyes bulged and I smiled sexily, until he spoke. "Where'd you get that? You look like a tramp," he said.

I was shocked at his attitude and said, "Jesse, it's from the mall. They have stores full of lingerie and night gowns the same as this, right out in the open. Millions of girls and women wear these and it's not so different from the one you took back to school in July. I wanted something sexy for you."

Jesse walked slowly toward me, with his jaw set, and a serious look on his face. He picked up the hem of my nightie and saw the bikini panties underneath. He studied my face, and said, "What happened to my innocent, high school sweetheart? You were shy in the pool, but not when we made love. Mikal did a real number on you, didn't he? Was he the only one? Did you refuse me so I wouldn't know?"

I was flabbergasted and said, "What do you mean Jesse?"

"After the session we just had together? I knew it wasn't your first time when we began, but it was way more than your second time," he said.

I felt as if Jesse kicked me in the stomach. "Jesse, I was with Mikal one weekend and no one else...ever," I said.

Disgust dripped off his tongue as he talked. "Then he was one hell of a teacher and you were one hell of a student. That was not the performance of a novice. You knew exactly what to do and how to react to everything thing I did to you."

My mouth twitched as I tried not to cry as I said, "How do you know, Jesse? The only way you would know if I was experienced, was if you weren't a novice either." He turned away and didn't answer. "Yes, I broke my promise to wait for you, but you never made any promises to me did you? I was with one man, for one weekend. What's your count, Jesse?" Jesse spun around to face me and I started crying. "I'm sorry Jesse, that was a terrible thing to say, but we seem to have a double standard here. It was all right for you to play around, but not me?"

He turned back to the window and said, "I expected...less, Suzy. I was supposed to be your prince charming, who brought you to womanhood, but instead, I got a red-hot woman. It was a bit of a shock. Even though I was with girls at college, your performance made me feel a little inadequate." He turned and took a step toward me, but I backed away. "Did I measure up to Mikal?" he asked.

I gasped, turned to run from him, but tripped over the ottoman. Jesse was beside me by the time I settled on the floor. "Suzy, are you okay?" he asked in a panic. He tried to help me stand, but I bolted from him, ran into the bathroom, and locked the door, where I sat on the floor bawling. A minute later, he was knocking on the door. "Suzy, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said those things. Please come out," he said.

"Go away Jesse," I said sobbing. "Go find someone who meets your idea of chaste perfection. I'm sorry I'm soiled, but I can't change now."

"Suzy, please, I'm sorry," he said. He was silent when I didn't respond.

I left the bathroom after calming myself, but I didn't see Jesse until I returned to the living room. He was sitting in a chair with his head in his hands. He didn't hear me come in, so he jumped when I spoke.

"Can we talk, Jesse?" I said, extending my hand, signaling him to remain seated. "Stay where you are, I only want words from you, nothing else. I'll start, because I have some things to say."

"Fine," he said.

I sat on the ottoman and began, "Jesse, last month, you asked me why I slept with Mikal when I wouldn't let you touch me. I've deliberated on that a lot since the weekend in June. It was more than wanting the first time to be from love and not from violence, as I said before. Rules bound my relationship with you, Jesse. We couldn't begin to count all the sermons and warnings we heard, week after week, about the sins of the flesh. Those rules surfaced in my head every time you tried to touch me in high school, and were still imbedded, as we became adults. You and I grew up together under the eyes of the preacher and overly concerned parents. When you went off to college, you were freed from the constant reminder we were on the edge of sinning. I continually heard the same old message every Sunday, so when you came home, I was still good little Suzy under the watchful eye of the church. My guilt was stronger than my desires to be sexually freer with you.

"Mikal and I didn't have the same history of rules hanging over our heads. The roar of the preacher's sermons wasn't as loud when I was near him. I warded off Mikal's advances to keep my promises to you, Jesse, not because of my religious beliefs. When Mikal kissed me in the park, I didn't stop to obey rules, or to be true to you, but because of the physical and emotional reaction of my body to his kiss. That kiss was all those sinful desires the pastor preached about week in and week out, but it also awakened my awareness of being a woman. After the kiss, I wasn't concerned that I sinned, but I was concerned about my physical reaction to Mikal. I didn't understand the feelings within by body.

"I wouldn't admit it to myself Jesse, but my relationship with Mikal turned the corner that day. When he came back from Kentucky, I kept him at bay and gave you as the reason, but he didn't lessen his pursuit. Everything he did and said was to capture my love and I devoured it like chocolate candy. He was here, you weren't, and I rarely heard from you. With him, I was the princess I wanted to be with you. Jesse, until the day, you tried to rape me, I was faithful to you in every way, except for that one unplanned kiss.

"I was devastated when you attacked me, Jesse. I believed the faithful fulfillment of my promises to you was futile and we had gone down separate paths. Mikal rescued me from my misery and fear, and he made me believe I was secure and loved. I went to Mikal's house because we thought you might still be looking for me and I was afraid of you. I truly believe, to this day, neither Mikal nor I, intended to make love that weekend when I went to his house. We did not plan it Jesse, it was a reaction to your violence. Mikal and I had never been alone, and when I entered his house, I went through a door into another world, his world. My repressed love for him surfaced and the urge for him to be my lover was overwhelming. That afternoon, he was everything you weren't. I was number one in his life, and he repeatedly showed his love in so many ways, because he wanted me, and he was here. He became my lover, and yes, my teacher. I promise you Jesse, until today, he was the only man who ever touched me in any way, and only that one weekend.

"When you came home July 4th weekend, I was so proud of you for your efforts to improve yourself, and I wanted to renew our relationship. Jesse, we're both different people from the two kids we were, two months ago. The choices we made that weekend, in June, changed our lives forever. I will never be innocent Suzy, and I hope you will never again be self-centered Jesse. Our childhood dreams vanished, for both of us. My second set of dreams vanished when Mikal left. Yours vanished in my bedroom two months ago and maybe again tonight, when you recognized I wasn't the innocent Suzy you thought you'd find here."

Jesse had been leaning forward, with his head in his hands, and hadn't moved or said a word. I went to him and sat down on the floor at his feet, and said, "Jesse, we both have to get past Mikal if we want to make our relationship work. You can't compare what you and I do, to what Mikal and I may have done. I can't wonder what you've done with other women. We have to begin with who we are today and go forward from here."

I sat still, waiting for Jesse to reply, but he remained quiet and motionless, so I started to move away. "Suzy, wait...please," he said softly. I remained next to him, leaning my cheek against his leg. He caressed my hair, but was still silent. A few minutes later, he slid from the chair, to the floor next to me, studying my tear stained face. He brushed the moisture from my cheeks before he kissed each one. "Suzy, I love you so much. Yes, these last two months have been a little dramatic and enlightening at the same time. You've become a woman in more than one way and I'm trying to become a man instead of an overgrown boy. You've been honest about your relationship with Mikal, so I should be honest about my life. We can't have secrets and we can't survive with guilt."

Jesse turned away, but took my hand and held it. "You know my relationship with my father has never been good. He always hated me for unknown reasons, so the day I hit the college campus I was finally free from his overbearing ways. He was no longer peering over my shoulder at everything I did and constantly accusing me of sinning. When I moved into the frat house, I had no constraints and was encouraged to join the parties. The liquor flowed and beautiful, sexy girls were abundant. I was reluctant to be with the girls at first, but it wasn't long before I enjoyed the party atmosphere. If Mikal was your teacher, they were mine, and anything was permitted if we kept it within the walls of the house. Some of those girls knew about things I never imagined." He paused and frowned. "It was all a new experience and I couldn't satisfy myself.

"When I came home, I was more than ready to include you in my new found sexual freedom, but you weren't willing. By last June when you turned me down again, I was extremely frustrated, especially after I saw what was between you and Mikal. I was sure you were having sex with him, but wouldn't with me, so I got angry, then I got drunk, and the next day tried to force you to have sex with me. When I woke up Saturday, I was sober enough to be ashamed of what I did to you. I wanted to apologize, but your grandmother wouldn't tell me where you were, and I couldn't find you, so I went back to school."

Jesse paused, closed his eyes, and held my hand against his lips. He finally continued, "When I returned to school, one of my girlfriends told me she was pregnant and she was getting an abortion the next day. We weren't sure I was the father, but it sent me over the deep end. That was when I tied one on and Doc S. got hold of me, thank God. You know the rest of the story." Jesse held my hand to his cheek, his tears rolling onto my fingers. "I'm sorry, Suzy."

"Did she have the abortion?" I asked.

"Yes."

"But you still don't know if it was your baby?" I asked.

"No."

"I'm sorry Jesse," I said, "it must hurt terribly to wonder if you lost a child you never knew."

Jesse eyed me in astonishment, and said, "I've told you I had sex with numerous girls and may have gotten one pregnant and you're concerned I might be hurting? You should be angry with me, not sympathetic with my anguish."

I smiled and squeezed his hand, "Jesse, I've suspected for a long time you were probably with other girls at school. It hurt me, but I couldn't change it, especially when I wouldn't give in. I couldn't have said anything to make you stop. I ignored it and hoped when you graduated you would come back to me."

"What if I found another girl and didn't come back?" he said.

I raised my eyebrows and replied, "And what if I found another guy? What if Mikal hadn't left? What if I wanted to wait for Mikal? What if, what if? Jesse, we can't go back and undo our actions, so we have to go forward with the decisions we make this weekend. I thought we made the decision to work on our relationship, do you still want that?"

"Suzy, I love you, and I want this to work. You've been part of my life since we were kids, and I don't want that to end. I need you, Suzy. Do you still love me?

"Yes, Jesse," I said.

He frowned and asked, "Suzy, can you forgive me for all my stupidity?"

"Yes Jesse, if you can forgive me," I said. We smiled and kissed to seal our re-commitment.

"One more thing, though," he said.

"What?" I asked.

He grinned and said, "I want you to find more of those cute little things you're wearing. I suppose I never thought about you being sexy, but I like it and I like what's under it, can I peek?"

I tried to crawl away from him, but he grabbed my ankle and pulled me back so he could tickle me and kiss me while he peeked under my sexy nightie.

"Why don't I become your teacher now?" He said with a wicked grin. "I could get those naughty books I brought from college." It seemed Jesse had completely dismissed his reservations about what I learned from Mikal.

We moved to the bedroom and our desires escalated with each kiss and each touch. The bottle of chocolate sauce appeared from somewhere, and I couldn't have imagined the pleasure and arousal as Jesse cleaned the chocolate from my skin. Now I had a new meaning to the term Chocolate Decadence, and I wasn't sure I could ever eat a chocolate bar outside the bedroom. It was after midnight before we went to sleep from total exhaustion. We wrapped ourselves in each other's arms.

During the night Jesse rolled toward me and draped an arm over my hips, pulling me closer to his body, then we both went back to sleep. In the morning, I woke first to find Jesse's back towards me. I was amazed how much his body changed from the high school boy I knew. His shoulders were broad now, and at six feet tall, I seemed dwarfish next to him. He stirred and rolled toward me.

"'Morning Sweetness. Have you been awake long?" he asked.

"No, five minutes. I was noticing how much you've changed since you've been gone."

"You've changed in the past three years, too," he said. You've slimmed down and you're pretty hot now. You'd turn the guy's heads at school. I was thinking of taking you to Berkeley with me, but now I don't know, I might lose you to some cute guy."

"Oh Jesse, you're silly," I said. "I'm just a home town girl. I couldn't compete with those smart college girls."

He ran a finger down my nose to my lips, and said, "Suzy, you're way ahead of those girls in my book, and I love waking up to find you in bed with me. This is the way it should be every day. Maybe I should take you back to school with me right now."

"To Dr. Schmidt's studio? Oh, I don't think that's why he's letting you live in his apartment," I said.

Jesse buried his head in the pillow and said, "He'd kill me, even if it was you." He turned back to me. "Can't we make the next ten months go faster? You have to come visit me when I get my own place. You could help me study."

"Study what, the female anatomy?" I asked.

"Yea, I bet I could get an A+ in that class," he said.

"You and most other guys on campus," I said. We both laughed as he began studying my anatomy.

Chapter 31

We fed our desires before we fed our stomachs. "Hey, night owl, are you hungry?" Jesse asked. "If you're going to be a tigress, you're going to have to eat some red meat, me too, if I'm going to keep up with this Hot Mama." A shiver went through me as Jesse ran a fingernail all the way down my body. He laughed at me, kissed my lips, got up, and pulled me from the bed.

Breakfast wasn't until well after noon. Jesse nibbled on the leftovers from last night, while I made breakfast. I was washing the dishes after we ate, when Jesse came up behind me, put his arms around me, and nuzzling my ear he said, "You know, I saw a big bathtub in the master bath, and it has a big bottle of bubble bath. I bet we both would fit into the tub and I could wash your back."

"And what else?" I said, trying to ignore his advances. "We have to stop long enough to go find some red meat or we will starve to death. I saw a great BBQ outside. We could make hamburgers for dinner."

"Mmm, I've got red meat right here," he said and started kissing my neck. It was all I could do to keep from turning around into his arms. Instead, I handed him a towel.

"Here, dry the dishes for me," I said.

"Kill joy." He said, pretending to pout.

"Jesse, I didn't think to ask you how long you can stay," I said.

"I don't have to be back for two weeks, when we have Senior Orientation," he said. "The seniors have their classes finalized already, to make sure we get what we need to graduate. Ah...graduate! I wasn't sure it would ever happen. I've actually found a small apartment where we can be alone."

"How can you be gone for two weeks, Jesse? What about your job?" I asked.

"No more job," he said

"How are you going make it? Did you reconcile with your father and get your allowance back?" I asked.

"Fat chance!" He frowned and looked away, saying, "Last March my grandmother passed away, my father's mother. Her estate was finally settled and it turns out she liked my sister and me more than my father. We both received rather healthy trust funds. We can access the money when we turn twenty-one, which I am. I don't have to work, but it may also affect parts of my scholarship."

"Jesse, that's great for you," I said. "You will have more time for your studies next year."

"And more time for us, Suzy," he said, encircling my waist with his arms, pulling me to his body. "Since I don't have classes on Friday, I could fly to San Diego on Thursday afternoon and go back Sunday night. Maybe I could come down every two or three weeks, depending on concerts. I will drop sports too, since I don't need the scholarship now. I would have to bring some books with me and we couldn't spend 24 hours a day in bed. Hmm, speaking of books, remember I brought some of the frat's special books." Jesse whispered in my ear, "Shall we go have a lesson?"

I covered my face with my hands, and said, "I don't know, Jesse. When you told me about them, they sounded a little, ah, risqué."

"Or worse," he said, "but, I'm willing to be the teacher, if you're willing to be the student. This can be my first official class." He pulled my hands away from my face and kissed me, then took my hand and led me to the bedroom for the first lesson. Jesse opened his suitcase and brought out some magazines. The covers made me blush and I covered my eyes and peeked through my fingers. Jesse laughed at me and proceeded to give lesson #1.

Now it was mid-afternoon., and we still didn't have anything for dinner, so I said, "Jesse, we need to go to the market. How about if we have hamburgers, corn on the cob, and a can of baked beans?"

"How about steak? I haven't had a big juicy steak for so long, I can't remember the last time." He winked at me, and said, "As long as you don't count last night...and this morning...hmm...and this afternoon, too."

"Steaks are expensive, Jesse."

"You know, you didn't ask me how much money I got," he said.

"Jesse, it doesn't matter, as long as it's enough to make school easier for you."

"Yea...it is," he said, "but it's not enough so I would never have to work again." Jesse pulled me to him. "It is enough to give us an easy start. We could buy a little house." He kissed me, a short kiss this time. "And, I can afford to have steak tonight. Now, go get dressed so I can have my steak. You're sweetness won't sustain me forever." We laughed as he turned me around and pushed me toward my suitcase.

As we pushed the shopping cart through the store, I asked Jesse, "What are you thinking under that cute smile?"

He laughed and said, "This is the first time we've gone to a grocery store together for our own stuff. It's the first real lifetime, together thing we've ever done. Do you think we can keep doing those things forever?"

I smiled up at him. "I might be able to handle that, Jesse." I cocked my head, and said, "If somebody asked me all proper-like."

Jesse stopped the cart and became serious. "I hadn't planned to do this in a grocery store, but before you can change your mind..." Jesse reached into his pocket and brought out a small box. He got down on one knee, in the middle of the aisle, before he slowly opened the box and took out a gorgeous ring, and asked the big question, "Suzy Robins, I love you. Will you marry me and be my wife?"

I was in total shock and wasn't aware of people watching us. I knelt in front of him, right in the middle of the grocery store and answered, "I love you so much, Jesse. Yes, I want to be your wife more than anything, except for you to be home." I held out my hand, he placed the ring on my finger, and every one applauded as we kissed.

We stood, hugged, and kissed again.

"Jesse, the ring is beautiful. Is it an old family ring?" I asked.

"This was my grandmother's ring," he said, smiling. "I know she would be proud to have you wear it. If you want something more modern, we can get another ring later. When she willed this one to me, I wanted you to have it, so I've been carrying it around for the right moment, but I never imagined it would be here." He looked around the store. "What a great story to tell our kids when they ask how I proposed to you."

People were watching us, so I held out my hand so they all could see my ring. We received hugs and well wishes from complete strangers. We were in a small local store and the owner greeted us. He hugged me and shook Jesse's hand, and said, "I'm Gus, the owner. I been here over thirty years and this is the first proposal in this store. Wait here." He came back with a huge, specially cut filet mignon and put it in the basket. "Dinner is on me tonight. You have good life if steak in bellies." We hugged him and left the store with our celebration dinner.

Jesse laughed after we were in the car. "If I knew it was so easy to get a free steak, I would have proposed to more girls in grocery stores." I slapped his shoulder and he smiled at me. I couldn't believe the love on his face.

"Jesse, I will love you forever. I am so happy right now, I can't believe it," I said.

He covered his face with his hands, and said, "Suzy, I can't believe I proposed to you in the middle of a grocery store. I planned a romantic dinner by the beach, with candle light and soft music. I was going to have the waiter bring the ring on a fancy dessert plate. At least I remembered to get down on one knee."

"Jesse, nothing could be as romantic as the way it happened. I think some of those people, in the store, were as happy as I was," I said. He held me tightly and gave me a long, sexy kiss.

A few minutes later Gus yelled at us, "No honeymoon in my parking lot. Go home." We laughed and waved at Gus as we drove away.

"Well, future Mrs. Jones, should we go tell your grandmother now, or wait until tomorrow?" he asked.

"We'd better tell her now," I said, "because she would never forgive me for waiting. We can put the food in her frig if we need to."

"You know, Suzy, the church has that engagement announcement custom. Do you want to do it tomorrow?" asked Jesse.

"Do you mean where we get the card that hangs on the wall, with a picture of a ring, and put it into the collection plate?" I asked. "At the end of the service Rev. Green will let us make the announcement to the whole congregation. Yes, let's do it."

"Some people will be shocked and some will say it's about time," Jesse said, as he parked in front of my house. "Your grandmother is home." He kept his hands on the steering wheel without moving. "Since I haven't been your grandmother's favorite person this summer, which category does she occupy?"

"Jesse, she has seen the change in you, but she will probably be shocked it happened now," I said.

"You mean so soon after Mikal and so soon after my bad behavior?" he asked.

I turned to face him and said, "Mikal is gone, Jesse. Mikal was a temporary distraction when things weren't going well for us. I have always loved you and I always planned to marry you, Jesse." I extended my left hand and wiggled my fingers. "Now let's go show her how happy we are."

"Okay, Suzy, but I'm prepared for the worst," Jesse said.

We walked to the door holding hands, so Gram wouldn't see the ring when we went inside.

Chapter 32

Gram was in the kitchen. One look at us and she froze, gazing back and forth between us, and asked, "What are you two up to?"

Jesse put his arm around my shoulders and we smiled at each other. "Mrs. Robins, I have asked Suzy to be my wife, and she said yes." I held out my hand to show her the ring.

Gram scrutinized me. "Are you sure about this, Suzy?" she said.

"Yes Gram," I said. "I have loved Jesse for a long time and I know he loves me just as much."

Gram leered at Jesse without smiling and said, "Jesse, it shouldn't be any surprise I'm not completely comfortable with this, but I will trust Suzy's decision. Let me tell you, if you do anything to hurt this girl, you will answer to me." Lightly, she added, "Don't forget, I still have the bat."

"Yes, Mrs. Robins. I almost lost Suzy because of my stupidity, and I promise I will not repeat that mistake." Jesse hugged me to his side and smiled at me. "I love this lady more than anything in this whole world and I would love to have your blessing."

"If you truly have your life together and prove it between now and the wedding, you will have it," Gram said.

"Fair enough, Mrs. Robins. I will do everything I can to prove I am worthy to marry your granddaughter," he said.

Gram hugged me. "Now, let's see the ring." She inspected the ring and frowned at Jesse.

Jesse explained, "The ring belonged to my grandmother, Mrs. Robins. She passed away earlier this year and I inherited it. She met Suzy a few times and liked her very much, so she would be pleased Suzy will be wearing it."

Gram shook her head, and said, "Jesse, I'm sorry for my inappropriate thoughts. You have never given me any reason to believe you were anything but honest, just immature. The ring is beautiful, but you should have a jeweler check the settings, since it is so old." Gram hugged Jesse. "Be good to my girl. When will the wedding be? Where will you live? Where does Jesse plan to teach?"

"Whoa Gram, we've only been engaged thirty minutes," I said.

Gram was puzzled, so we told her the story. "Well," she said, "I've never heard of a proposal happening in a grocery store. You kids today do things differently, don't you?" We all laughed.

"Gram, we won't get married until Jesse graduates in June. We don't know where he will teach yet, so we don't know where we will live," I said.

"Our families and friends are all in Southern California, so that would be the first choice. Dr. Schmidt has many connections, so hopefully I'll find a school near here with a great music program," he said.

All during our conversation, Jesse was standing next to me with his arm over my shoulder or on the back of my neck, continually making small caressing motions with his hand or hugging me gently. I could see Gram observing his small displays of affection. Her eyes didn't miss much, and her attitude toward Jesse was softening.

"I left my suits in your closet, Suzy, okay if I go get one for tomorrow? May I leave them here so I don't have to drag a suit back and forth from school?" he asked. After a quick kiss, he went to my closet and came back with his suit and one of my dresses. "This is one of my favorite dresses of yours, will you wear it tomorrow? We'll knock 'em dead at church."

I put one hand on my hip and shook my finger at him, and said, "I don't think we're supposed to kill people at church, Jesse, but I think we can turn some heads." Gram nodded and we all laughed.

"We need a celebration party after church tomorrow," Gram said. "I'll see what I can arrange on short notice. You two didn't give this party planner much time, but I have an idea. Now run along. Everyone will have a thousand questions tomorrow." Gram kissed us both before we left.

Back at Kelly's house, we took the grocery bags in. We were both hungry so I sent Jesse to start the BBQ while I fixed the rest of the food. Jesse came back into the house, and I asked, "That's a nice BBQ, Jesse, did it light easily?"

"Yes, it's gas with those permanent briquettes," he said. "We'll have to have one of those, because regular briquettes and San Diego fog are a bit of a challenge sometimes."

"So, other than BBQ steaks, what is your specialty in the kitchen?" I asked.

"Beer and pizza," he said.

"Beer and pizza? That's it?" I asked. "Didn't they have a kitchen in the Frat House?"

Jesse laughed. "Sure, that's where they kept the beer and pizza."

"Didn't you ever cook at home, Jesse?"

"Nope," he said, "Mom never let anyone in her kitchen, except for peanut butter sandwiches. Do I hear a hint you want to share the cooking? If so, we might starve unless you want TV Dinners."

I wrinkled my nose and said, "We'll work on that phase of our marriage."

"Ah-oh, I see the delegation list forming already," he said. "I suppose you're an organizer?"

"Yea, usually I have everything planned out well ahead of time," I said.

"Organization will be great for the wedding, but I'm the artist, the bohemian, the take it as it comes guy. I don't do well working from a list," he said.

"I'll try to keep them short and simple, Jesse."

He eyed me and said, "I know you have an artist inside that façade, because you're cards have been great. They showed a lot of imagination and creativity, so chill out a tiny bit and go with the flow." He danced around the counter and he wiggled his body against mine. The long sensual kiss interrupted dinner preparations.

"Mmm, I thought you were hungry, Jesse," I said.

"I'm hungry for you, Sweets."

"You're going to give up that steak for me?" I asked.

Jesse raised his hands to his temples and scrunched up his face and said, "Oh man, it's a tough choice." He grabbed the meat and ran out the door to the BBQ. "The steak wins!"

We ate leisurely, on the patio, and discussed the preliminaries of the wedding. Jesse told me he had some interviews lined up at a few of the Southern California high schools, next week.

It was a beautiful evening. As it turned dark, Jesse pointed at the first star and said, "I bet it remembers last night." He leaned over to kiss me. "Every time you see a star twinkle it will be saying, 'Jesse loves you'."

I gazed at the stars and smiled. Jesse scooted his chair close to me and kissed me softly. "Shall we give it another show?"

"Maybe it should be a shorter show," I said, "if we're going to dazzle them at church tomorrow."

He put his head down on my shoulder. "Man, here comes the first list. Short sex isn't going to be on it after tonight, is it?"

The next morning we dressed for church and met in the living room. We inspected each other as we came together. I observed how much Jesse changed over the last few months. The boy was gone. He became one of the handsomest men I had ever seen. He wasn't taller, but he filled out to look like a man, now. I continued my scrutiny.

He peered down at his clothes. "Is something wrong?"

"Absolutely nothing," I said.

"Then why are you looking at me that way?"

"Jesse, do you know how much you have changed this past year, both emotionally and physically?" I asked.

He shook his head. "What do you mean?"

I grinned at his modesty, he was still Jesse inside. I said, "You'll see when we get to church. They won't notice this beautiful ring. Most of the people haven't seen you for a long time. Every eye will be on the new and improved Jesse." He eyed me as if I was crazy.

"Come on or we will be late, Suzy. I want to show off my future wife," he said.

I was right. As we entered the large foyer of the church, every head turned toward us and I heard an audible gasp, then silence. The whispers began. "Is that Jesse?" "He's changed so." "I could swoon over him."

I was expecting the reactions, but Jesse wasn't aware of them, because he was so engrossed in greeting old friends, he was deaf to the comments around him. All the time he held my hand, which no one missed either, especially the young women. I wore the ring on my right hand and turned it into my palm, until the right moment. Somehow, Jesse took the engagement announcement card from its holder and put it in his pocket. After we went into the church, someone noticed it was gone, so before the service was over the whole congregation was whispering about who would announce an engagement. We were at the top of the list.

At the end of the service, Rev. Green stood at the pulpit and held up the ring card. "I believe we have one more announcement this morning. Would the beautiful couple please stand and come forward."

Jesse and I smiled at each other, stood, and walked to the front. A wave of whispers sped through the church.

Rev. Green met us on the platform and said, "Jesse, Suzy, do you have an announcement?"

Jesse took the ring from his little finger, where I put it. He got down on one knee and took my left hand. "Suzy Robins, will you be my wife for all eternity?" he asked.

"Yes, Jesse Jones, I will," I answered. Jesse slowly slipped the ring on my finger, rose, and kissed me.

A thunderous applause arose. Rev. Green kissed my cheek and shook Jesse's hand. He turned us to face the audience. "Ladies and gentlemen, may I present the future Mr. and Mrs. Jesse Jones." We walked down the aisle together as the final music played.

Rev. Green followed us to the foyer. We stood next to him as people filed out and gave their congratulations, and as the crowd thinned, we migrated outside. Everyone was examining my ring, when suddenly, Jesse stiffened next to me. I followed his gaze to see his father watching us with his usual display of hatred on his stern face. Rev. Green saw the tension also, and moved between Jesse and his father.

Before the reverend could intercept him, Jesse's father spoke, "My mother's ring should not be worn on the hand of a harlot! I saw her with that other man, flaunting herself when you were away. She is evil, disgraceful," he said.

A uniform gasp rose from the crowd, then everyone exchanged glances while they waited.

Jesse paled and began shaking with rage. He tried to step toward his father, but Rev. Green and I held him back. He glared at his father and said, "No one will speak to my fiancé that way, ever, relative or not. Please apologize to Suzy."

His father stared at the shocked faces of his friends, raised himself to his full height, turned, and stomped away. Rev. Green made sure Jesse was not following, before he went after Mr. Jones.

Jesse pulled me to his shaking body, hugged me tightly, and said, "I'm so sorry Suzy. I know my father doesn't approve of anything I do, but I could never have anticipated his foul mouth and his inconsideration on our special day. No one deserves to be treated so badly." He held me, fighting tears, and buried his face in my hair. I was so concerned about Jesse, that I didn't feel the intensity of the hate his father flung at me.

"Jesse, calm down, it's over now. He's gone. Forget it and let's go to our party," I said.

Frowning, he looked at me and said, "How can you forget so easily? He was horrible to you, to us."

"Jesse, I have you and your love," I said. "His hateful words won't change that. Our love is stronger than his hate."

He held my face in his hands and studied it. He lowered his lips to mine in what began as a slow, gentle kiss, but quickly escalated into passion. We broke apart as the applause rose around us, and he said, "How did I find such a wonderful woman? I love you so much, you can't imagine. You're right, let's go to our party." Applause rose again. Loudly, Jesse announced, "My future wife and I are going to Binnie's, everyone come by and help us celebrate."

Binnie had less than an outstanding opinion of Jesse, but when we walked in together, beaming from ear to ear, Binnie did a double take. As he watched us, his attitude showed he was convinced Jesse loved me and would beat down the world for me.

Binnie hugged both of us, gave us the seats of honor, and said, "Your grandmother called me last night to see if I could throw together a party for you two. We eat until the food's gone. Everyone snuggle up, Carrie and I have a surprise." Binnie went to the kitchen where he and Carrie brought in a huge sheet cake. It said "Best Wishes to Suzy and Jesse." "No candles to blow out yet, you have to have an anniversary first." We all laughed. "Jesse, my Carrie, and I have been married for 35 years. The secret is no matter how right you are she's always right." All the women shouted and applauded. Binnie made dozens of sandwiches and had plenty of soda for us. Everyone, except Jesse, forgot the episode at the church with his father, and periodically, I saw a shadow of sadness sweep over his face.

Throughout the celebration, I noticed Binnie watching Jesse. I was surprised when Jesse suddenly disappeared without a word. He had been by my side since we arrived, and rarely his hand left my body. I felt a constant caress on the back of my neck, an arm across my shoulders, or he simply held my hand while smiling at me between congratulations. I had become the princess I always imagined I would be with Jesse, as I soaked up his love and adoration.

Jesse and Binnie returned with a fair size box and broad smiles on both faces. I rose to greet them, suspecting a surprise. After taking me in his arms and kissing me, Jesse handed the box to me and said, "A gift for my bride-to-be."

I gasped after removing the lid. The box contained the music box I admired at Harbor Village. I lifted the lid and beamed as I listened to my favorite song. Tears streamed down my face and I hugged Jesse and asked, "When did you get this?"

He grinned and said, "I ordered it and had it sent to Sara's house. She brought it. Play our song every day while I'm gone and think of my love for you."

I hated crying in public, but this time I let the dam open wide as I hugged and kissed Jesse. "Thank you, my love, and I will wear it out by June."

Binnie cleared his throat to announce his presence, and said," Suzy, Jesse, Carrie and I have an engagement present." He handed an envelope to me. Inside was a handmade gift certificate for one hundred anniversary dinners at Binnie's Burger House. We laughed and applauded Binnie's thoughtfulness.

Jesse said, "Thank you Binnie and Carrie, we promise to use every one of these, but that means you have to stay married 135 years."

Binnie hugged Carrie and said, "My pleasure." Carrie blushed from the applause for them.

Gram stepped forward and said, "Thank you Binnie, for this impromptu celebration party. I suppose old goats can learn new tricks." She turned to us and smiled while taking our hands, and said, "Jesse, next June I will entrust the wellbeing of my granddaughter, my most cherished possession, to you. Treat her with the love and respect you are showing today and you will have my blessings forever. I'm proud of you for your efforts to improve yourself. Welcome to our family, all two of us.

Jesse and I both had tears flowing down our faces as the three of us hugged.

Jesse said, "Thank you Mrs. Robins. I promise to treasure Suzy forever."

Gram said, "Please call me Hanna, I hate kids calling me Mrs. Robins."

"Thank you Hanna," he said, "that is a huge compliment, and I will not disappoint your trust."

Thanks to Gram and Binnie, the party was a great success.

When we returned to the house, Jesse was too quiet after the fun at the party. I sat next to him on the couch, took his hand, and said, "You're awfully quiet, Jesse."

"Yea, Sweets, I can't get past it," he said. "The best day of my life and he tramples on it." Jesse leaned his head on the back of the couch, staring at the ceiling. "Suzy, he doesn't know you, why would he say those terrible things about you? Oh, I know it wasn't about you, it was to hurt me."

"Why would he want to hurt you so much, Jesse?"

"I don't know," he said. "We've never had a good relationship. He was a child of the depression and was always serious about life. I was happy-go-lucky. I wanted to play, he wanted to work." His brow furrowed. "He never hurt me physically, but he sure knew how to turn the knife verbally. My mother defended me, to no avail, and I suspected he abused her, but I never actually saw it."

I put my arms around him and said, "I never knew my father, who was gone in the Army for most of my life. I was so lucky to have my grandmother, and I'm lucky we're so close. It's important for a child to be loved."

We embraced as he said, "I promise I will be a 1000% better father to our children than my father has been to me. Every child deserves to be treated with patience and respect, no matter how different their personalities are." He chuckled. "Too bad we promised not to make babies here. I can't wait until we can be three or four or ten."

"Whoa, Jesse, we need to decide on a limit," I said. "It's not easy, or cheap, to raise a big family."

"A dozen's not cheaper?" he asked. "They've made movies about that."

"Yea and they always have mass chaos," I said.

"And there's always lots of love," he said.

"You're right, Jesse. That's how they got the dozen." I poked him in the ribs, but he grabbed my hand and started tickling me until we both rolled onto the floor laughing.

He pinned me to the floor with his weight and peered into my eyes. "I love you Suzy, this minute and always, no matter what." The kiss that followed began a new session of lovemaking, right where we were on the carpet.

Still lying on Kelly's soft carpet, I played the music box and smiled. I said, "You and Binnie were in the kitchen a long time. Were you two collaborating on another surprise?"

He laughed and said, "No, we had a discussion."

"About?"

"About me, us," he said seriously. "I've left a wake of distrust behind my path through life so far, including Binnie. He blessed us in public, but threatened me in private."

"Oh?" I said, "What did he say?"

"Huh," he said, "Binnie told me he applauded my efforts to reverse my 'unsavory past', but if I ever hurt you, to expect poison in the next anniversary dinner."

"Did he actually say that?" I asked.

"Yea, word for word," he said, looking away from me. "He also said he heard about my run in with Mikal. He told me you and Mikal had been into the restaurant several times, and never once, had he been out of line with you. He tried, but you insisted he was 'just a friend', because you were engaged to me." Jesse turned to me and said, "I've asked a lot of people to believe in me and trust in me again. Suzy, you deserve the same trust from me that I ask for myself."

"Jesse, I do believe and trust you. I promise never to betray your trust in me again, even if Mikal returns."

The remainder of Jesse's visit was wonderful, but uneventful. We decided to have the wedding at the end of June after Jesse graduates. It will be a small ceremony at the church, followed by a simple reception. It was too soon to know where he will get a job or where we will live.

Chapter 33

Thursday evening before Veteran's Day, in November, Jesse and two other pianists, Margo and Lincoln, would perform as the Senior Trio.

Each student composed two solo pieces and one for the trio. Friday and Saturday evenings, the same three students would perform their compositions with the university's symphony orchestra. Margo and Lincoln shared the first half of the performance, but Jesse owned the second half as first seat pianist.

I flew to Berkeley early Thursday morning so Jesse could pick me up before his class. I was excited, yet nervous, because this was my first trip to be with him at school. He gave me a quick tour of the city and campus before he left me at this small apartment to attend a class.

The tiny, one room studio apartment was compromised of a small bed, a small desk/dinette table with two chairs, a small refrigerator and a two burner cook top, a sink and a microwave oven. His keyboard and computer were jammed in one corner. Its one redeeming feature was a single large window overlooking San Francisco Bay.

After Jesse left, I stood in the middle of the room, turning slowly, trying to imagine coming home to this microscopic home each day. It couldn't be much larger than my bedroom. Three steps took me to the window where I peered over rooftops to the busy traffic below. The narrow city streets resembled the San Diego Freeway at rush hour. I hadn't realized I was claustrophobic until five minutes ago, yet this was a luxury to many people of the world. I hoped this was not my future with Jesse if he chose to be a struggling musician instead of a teacher.

Jesse didn't own magazines, so I sat at the table, leafing through some of his music books, which were far beyond my basic piano skills. Children were playing in the tiny yard below, but soon went into their house. Ships and barges glided toward the bridge on the shimmering blue water. I imagined this could be an exciting place to live, but I preferred the openness, and leisure atmosphere, of San Diego. Jesse had been gone two hours and I was becoming impatient, because his class should have been only an hour. As time dragged on, I had flashbacks to the hours I spent waiting for Jesse at home, when he was delayed with more important things to do than be with me. I should have learned long ago that clocks were irrelevant to him. Thirty minutes later, tears stung my eyes as I fought the apprehension that I was making the same old mistake of believing I was Jesse's prize. Perhaps our two weeks at Kelly's house in August were the best I could expect, now that Jesse returned to his normal life away from me.

I took a nap and wondered how we would manage to sleep together tonight on this narrow bed. Hmm, maybe this is how Jesse keeps other girls out of his life. The rattle of his key in the door woke me and I ran, actually stepped, into his open arms as he entered the room. Within minutes, I discovered we both could share his narrow bed, because fewer clothes and crushed bodies required less space.

Before our meeting with Dr. Schmidt, baloney sandwiches for lunch demonstrated Jesse's new kitchen skills. When I asked why he was gone so long, he said he would tell me later... ah, another familiar phrase.

Jesse led me on the grand tour of the music buildings, library, and performance hall where we would be tonight. As we entered the music offices almost everyone greeted Jesse by name, as if they were all best friends. The progress to Dr. Schmidt's office was slow, because Jesse introduced me to countless students and staff. My faith in Jesse rose when I realized many of his friends knew me by reputation. Dr. Schmidt was waiting at his door because the commotion extricated him from his desk.

Standing eye to eye in height, his stature reminded me of a rotund elf without the beard. He encircled me in his arms and kissed my cheeks after Jesse introduced us. In his hardy German accent, he said, "I am so happy to finally meet Jesse's beloved Suzy. I've heard nothing for weeks except 'Suzy is coming'."

After recovering from his robust hug, I said, "I am delighted to finally meet Jesse's Dr. Schmidt. Thank you for intervening in his life and saving him for me. We owe you for our future together."

No, no," he said, "Jesse saved himself, I only convinced him to travel another road." He stood away from me for a head to toe inspection. "Jesse is right when he says you are the most beautiful girl in the world, except for my departed Elsie."

I laughed modestly, "Thank you, Dr. Schmidt. Jesse admires you tremendously and you are on his highest pedestal." I turned to my grinning Jesse, drew him to my side, and kissed him. Thunderous applause erupted around us.

Arm in arm, Dr. Schmidt led me on a detailed tour and history lesson of the music department. Later, he hurried us away so we could dress for tonight's concert.

I never attended a university concert, so I was unsure of proper attire. Jesse suggested a long black skirt and pretty blouses. I had been practicing new hairstyles, so when I emerged from Jesse's tiny bathroom, he turned and said, "Wow, I'm supposed to be the star, but you are going to steal the show. Even though I'm wearing a tux, I feel underdressed."

As Jesse and I entered the concert hall before the performance, a hush fell over the early attendees. Dr. Schmidt strode toward us, took my arm leaving Jesse behind, and introduced me to each person. Jesse kissed me, left me with Dr. Schmidt, and proceeded backstage. Dr. Schmidt and I sat front row, center stage. He held my shaking hand as the lights dimmed, the Senior Piano Trio was announced, and they played their first song.

The performances were wonderful, but when Jesse played his solos, I whispered to Dr. Schmidt, "I have never heard these songs. Jesse is a tremendous composer."

Dr. Schmidt replied, "He doesn't play his music for you?"

"Not recently," I said. "He has been home so seldom we're never near a piano long enough."

"Patting my hand," he said, "You will hear more tomorrow. The final segment will be Jesse's compositions."

I turned to Dr. Schmidt in shock and said, "He didn't tell me it would be his music. He just said he would be the pianist for the final act."

"Our Jesse is overly modest," he said. "We need to work on his marketing skills."

Jesse settled himself for the trio's final piece, which was his composition. I gasped after several bars, and whispered, "Jesse is playing the music box store. His piece sounds like one hundred music boxes playing a concert together." When they finished, he smiled at me and blew a kiss. I returned a blow kiss and began to cry. Dr. Schmidt handed a hanky to me to blot my eyes. I was so proud of Jesse.

The trio descended the stairs after a standing ovation. Jesse's trek to me was delayed thirty minutes, because so many people greeted him and offered congratulations. When he finally reached me, I beamed at him and said, "You were wonderful Jesse, especially the music box song. I've never heard anything like it."

"Thank you, Suzy, it was for you," He said.

I embraced him saying, "I love you so much, Jesse. Thank you for the song."

Following the concert, we attended a reception in honor of the trio. Dr. Schmidt introduced the trio members and presented them with a certificate of achievement.

Jesse, and the trio, were asked to play the music box song, so he took my hand and led me to a piano. "This song is dedicated to my fiancé, Suzy Robins," he said. When he finished, he began playing randomly as people clapped, then resumed their conversations. He began playing "I Believe," a popular song from the 1950,s. "Sing with me Suzy," he said.

I glanced around at all the strangers and shook my head and said, "I can't sing here Jesse, these are real musicians."

"You're a real musician, sing with me."

I began quietly, "I believe for every drop of rain...," but by the end of the chorus, a hush settled and every eye was on me. I froze when I realized I was center stage, but Jesse began another song and we ended with the "Lord's Prayer." The room pulsated from the applause after Jesse pushed me to my highest notes. After our mini-concert, Jesse hugged and kissed me, to an encore of applause. He made me bow with him.

"Well, my dear," said Dr. Schmidt, "Jesse told me you sang better than his grandmother's canary, so why aren't you here studying music?"

"Me? I'm not smart or talented like Jesse," I said.

"You are just as talented in your field as Jesse is in his," he said.

"No, Dr. Schmidt," I said. "We almost have Jesse through four years of school, so I'm not going to begin the process, too. I'll settle for singing at church and weddings."

"Huh, we'll talk about this later," he said.

Jesse circulated through the waning crown, with me by his side, until we could leave. I was exhausted, but Jesse was elated. In the car he said, "It seems I'm not the only one who has improved their skills. Have you been working with someone?"

"Yes," I said, "I've been taking voice lessons from Mrs. Abernathy. It's been fun."

"Hmm, maybe we should be a team," he said.

"Ha," I said, "If you mean professionally, I don't believe I'm ready for the stage. I'm barely comfortable singing solos at church, where you thrive on the adoration."

"You're good Suzy. You should share your talent. We'll work on that," he said.

"We'll see," I said. "Speaking of sharing...why didn't you tell me the concert tomorrow will be your compositions? I am so proud of you. I didn't understand what studying music here meant for you. Do you want to be a teacher or a performer, Jesse?"

"Teaching will be my profession, but I hope to become known as a composer and musician someday," he said.

I watched Jesse's face as he spoke and saw a wistful look and slight smile emerge. I suspected I not only missed seeing the physical change in Jesse, but also the change in his dreams. A tinge of fear settled in my belly.

The second night of the concert I again sat with Dr. Schmidt, front row center. Margo and Lincoln performed, after which we mingled during intermission. Jesse was ensconced with a group of men and women, two of which I met the night before. When the warning bell rang, Jesse excused himself and hurried to me.

"Sorry I couldn't get away," he said, "but those people are from New York and Boston. They seem to be planning our summer for us. I'll tell you later and I'll see you after the performance." He gave me a quick hug and kiss, and hurried backstage.

Dr. Schmidt escorted me to our seats for Jesse's portion of the performance. He accompanied the orchestra's performance and received standing ovations for his solo pieces. Jesse wrote or arranged all of the music. After the trio played "Music Box Trio," applause exploded to shouts of "Encore, encore." They played the song again, concluding the performance.

Dr. Schmidt hugged me and throngs of strangers congratulated us on Jesse's music and performance, but Jesse was surrounded and couldn't reach us. Dr. Schmidt said, "Are you ready to be Jesse's wife and to share him with the world?" I was puzzled. "Look at him Suzy," he continued, "this is just the beginning. Those people around him are from the major symphonies. He is having the first taste of his future. Don't let Jesse leave school. He can earn his master's elsewhere, but he must return to the university for his doctorate. In another three years, computers will have advanced to a level where he can fulfill his dreams of bringing music to every student who has a computer. His doctorate will give him the status to do it and his talent will give him the fame to promote it." The words Dr. Schmidt spoke were incomprehensible to me. He put his hands on my shoulders and said, "Suzy, Jesse does not yet realize what he can do. Give him his wings and he will fly, clip them and he will wither and die."

My mind was swimming from Dr. Schmidt's words and from the realization that I didn't know the man who sat next to me in the car.

"Suzy, did you hear me? Are you alright?' said Jesse.

"Oh, I'm just tired. I'm not used to all this excitement. I'm not sure I can sleep tonight," I said.

"You may not need to for a while," he said grinning.

We didn't sleep, but later as I lay in his arms, I asked, "Jesse, are you sure I'm the right woman for you? I'm just a plain girl. I feel so inept around all those people. How can I do justice to your needs as a future star?"

"Suzy, never put yourself down. Wherever our lives go, I need you by my side as my partner. Your greatest strength is your love for me, among other things," he said as he pulled me tighter to his naked body.

On the third night of Jesse's performance, I again sat center stage with Dr. Schmidt.

Before the trio played the finale, Dr. Schmidt rose and led me backstage. As Jesse stood to introduce the song, Dr. Schmidt pushed me forward and said, "Go be with Jesse." He pushed me far enough onto the stage I couldn't stop. Jesse saw me, met me half way, and led me to the piano.

He took my hand and said to the audience, "Ladies and Gentlemen, let me present my fiancé, Suzy Robins. One of our favorite places in our home town of San Diego is a music box store by the harbor. This piece was written for Suzy."

I stood next to the piano as the trio played. From the audience I wasn't aware Jesse was conducting the performance with his body movements and eyes and the orchestra conductor was taking his cues from Jesse. I watched his face and hands as he played Music Box Trio, periodically he glanced at me and smiled. I saw an aura overtake Jesse, his eyes sparkled, and his face glowed, his body utterly into his performance. I realized why Dr. Schmidt sent me onstage to watch the magic encompass Jesse's being. I looked at Dr. Schmidt, smiled, and nodded. He knew I understood Jesse was one with his music and this was his place in the world.

Mikal is gone, no longer a threat. I fled his web, his hold, and my brief affair is a nightmare in the past. I found the tiny room in my heart, with a big key, where I locked him away forever.

Jesse belongs to music and my life and future belong to Jesse. I will give him his wings and he will fly.

####

Epilog

The story of Mikal, Suzy, and Jesse continues to boil in the second book of _Mikal's Web Trilogy:_

Up The Ivory Staircase

Mikal returns, and everywhere Jesse turns, he faces the ghost of Suzy's relationship with Mikal, even though she vows he is in her past. The three paths cross repeatedly, causing rifts in their marriage and Jesse's rising career. Eventually Jesse must face his demons to save everything he cherishes, while Suzy fights Mikal's web she thought she escaped.

Broken by an Angel

Mikal's Web Trilogy, Book #3

The final story in the relationships of Mikal, Jesse, and Suzy.

New friendships and old loves are tested.

Parents and children face past deceits and dirty secrets.

Suzy finds herself, but can she finally escape Mikal's web?

####

Thank you for your support and I hope you enjoy reading my stories.

You and your friends will discover other titles by Mary L. Danielson at:

http://www.smashwords.com

LULU

Billy inherits his grandmother's house, barn, and property. Along with the house, he inherits Lulu, the southern belle tenant, who turned the house into a Victorian tearoom. Lulu has eyes for Billy, but Billy has eyes for Terri, the aloof bartender, at the tavern down the road. A constant discord occurs between Billy and Lulu, as he installs a working cabinet shop in the old barn, which stands in near proximity to the prissy, tearoom.

SOMETHING TO LOOK AT

Bobby's earliest dream is to be a major league pitcher. Peggy, his grade school friend, becomes his unofficial pitching coach and mentor as he pursues his goal. Goals, friendship, tragedy, and sacrifice, all cement, or deter, Peggy and Bobby's relationship. They both learn you must accept your adversities and go beyond them.

THE COWBOY

After a chance meeting with a cowboy, Marcie discovers appearances can be deceiving.

Mid 2012

Meet Dominic Doppelgänger.

Master photographer, master carver, master lover.

He did not intend to become an assistant

police photographer to help solve crimes.

Because of his anti-establishment attitudes,

they aren't his favorite people.

He wants to ride his bike, make art, and make love.

Where to find Mary Lou Danielson online:

My Blog:..http://maryldanielson.blogspot.com/

Facebook:..http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100000462272955

Smashwords:.. https://www.smashwords.com/profile/view/MLDanielson
