

*=*=*=*

Saccharine Sweetness

Copyright © 2020 JEDIDIAH BAMIDELE  
All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form by any means without written permission from the author.

DISCLAIMER

This story is purely a work of fiction. Any resemblance to scenes, persons or occurrences is purely coincidental.

BOOKS IN "MY DATE" SERIES

THE PERFECT MISTAKE

DAZZLED

SACCHARINE SWEETNESS

Read other stories written by the author on http://www.jedidiahbamidele.blogspot.com

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SOME REVIEWS FROM READERS

I just read your novel titled 'Dazzled'. I must confess it's an amazing novel. One of the best I've read. I basically loved the fact that we could know the mind of both the hero and the heroine at the same time. I would love to read more of your books. May God continually strengthen and inspire you.

Adeola Oyekan.

I love the way you scripted the novel 'The Perfect Mistake'. Thanks for the wisdom and insights shared. I tell you, you're a blessing. I'm more than willing to read 'Dazzled'

Susanna Beth'a.

I would love to read Liz's and Desmond's love story and all other stories written by you. The creative concept and messages in them are mind-blowing and motivational. May God enrich you with more wisdom.

Iyanuoluwa Kuti.

I really loved your book titled 'The Perfect Mistake' and I would love to get a copy of 'Dazzled'. I pray for more inspiration for you. Thank you.

Temitope Caroline.

Your novels keep me on my toes and I love your style of writing. There is this way you string your words together that makes it amazing. Please keep writing.

Anonymous.

I so much enjoyed reading 'The Perfect Mistake'. I'd love to read 'Dazzled' as well.

Olabiyi Pelumi.

I read 'The Perfect Mistake' and it was thrilling and enlightening. I would also love to have a copy of 'Dazzled'.

Yetunde Amoo.

I started 'The Perfect Mistake' with no intention of completing it but later realized I couldn't put it down. I felt like I was being transported to an entirely different world. Thank you for writing amazing stories.

Anonymous.

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DEDICATION

To the one who lives in my heart.

Who loves me with all of himself.

This saying might be an understatement.

You're the best thing that ever happened to me.

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PROLOGUE

"My name is Desmond Falade and my date has set me up with another girl."

I tapped my fingers on the table as I waited for her to show up. My feet felt rooted to a spot even though everything in me was screaming for escape. But I couldn't. Not after spending the amount I did in reserving a table and specially paying for all the treats the hotel had to offer. No, I couldn't. The worst that would happen is that the wrong girl would be impressed. And that is not necessarily a bad thing since she might need the pampering more than Rosie Redmond. I swallowed bitterly at the last thought. Who was I kidding? The only lady I wanted to impress at the moment was Rosie. My eyes involuntarily jerked to the left and I saw a lady dressed in a shimmering black gown making her way towards me. There was nothing extraordinary about her and I believed her powder could use another touch but I knew it was her. I squinted slightly as I tried to remember her name. I groaned inwardly. The 'I know your name so you're a priority to me' method wouldn't work today. I would have to charm her using another way. Calling people by their first name even before they introduce themselves has a way of endearing you to them. It's almost like they're surprised you took the pain of finding out their name and remembering it. That logic is not entirely accurate but I never bother to correct them.

"Good evening. You must be Desmond Falade."

A smile tinted the corner of my lips as I stood in acknowledgement. "That's correct ma'am."

She fidgeted with her purse as she obviously pondered on the next thing to say. I pretended not to know who she was in a bit to reduce the awkwardness hanging in the air. She must have decided on her next line as she stretched her hand to me. "I'm Liz Rematrin. Rosie told me..."

"Oh." I exclaimed with false cheer. "It's a pleasure to meet you Miss Rematrin."

She waved her hands shyly. "Liz is fine. Let's not get formal with ourselves."

She's pretty but breathless when uncomfortable. "Sure."

I watched her slip into the chair rather clumsily. My lips twitched in amusement until I remembered she had done nothing to deserve being treated unfairly. For all I knew, she was a nervous lady whose friend coaxed into replacing her at a date with a complete stranger. The least I could do was to be graceful in the thoughts I harboured towards her. Enough of noticing her errors. Okay, maybe not noticing because I would always notice. I have two elder sisters and they basically taught me a lot of things in relation to the feminine gender. Rather it should be enough of looking down on her because of her flaws. I could basically hear Jennifer – my eldest sister say 'She's human Des, treat her with all the respect you've got.' The only thing my sisters didn't teach me about females was – nothing.

"What?" She raised her brows.

I was wrong. They didn't teach me how to deal with ladies who ask questions out of the blues.

"Desmond, why are you looking at me that way?"

"And how may that be?"

"Like I grew horns all of a sudden."

"I'm sure you'll look good even if you did."

Her eyes narrowed. "What?"

I cleared my throat. "I meant to say you look beautiful."

"Okay. I was almost thinking you're crazy or something."

Maybe I am. "No, I'm not."

"That's good to know. What were you muttering the other time?"

"Was I muttering?"

"Yes. Something about treating her with the respect she deserves."

Oh no! "Did you really hear that?"

She frowned slightly. "Never mind. Maybe it was my imagination."

"Maybe." I sighed. It was time we moved on to another subject of discussion. "Tell me, Liz, how does it feel like to be a psychologist?"

"How did you know I'm a psychologist?"

Point one scored. I winked. "It's my secret."

She laughed. "I believe I know the answer already."

I caught the eyes of a waitress and signalled for her to come to our table. "I have no doubt you do."

"Are you close friends with Rosie?" She asked.

The waitress couldn't have picked a more perfect time to show up because I needed time to think. My brain went into motion as I pondered the reply to give her. The problem was not telling her the truth but discerning her reason for asking. I had learned early in life not to only answer people's questions but their reasons for asking. Talking with a psychologist might not be as easy as I thought.

"Are you?" She reiterated as the waitress left with our orders.

She obviously had a habit of raising her brows whenever she asks a question, which was not a bad thing in itself. It's just that it made her look strangely serene. I cleared my throat to bring my thoughts back in line. I might as well tell her the truth. If she was like most people, her next words would reveal the intention behind the question.

"No, I'm not close friends with Rosie."

She nodded slightly before turning her attention to the food the waitress served us. I could hardly read her as her posture gave nothing away. The only inclination I had to the way she was feeling was the tense way she chewed. I had never had a harder time impressing a lady. She should have felt safe with me by now or at least – comfortable. The way her expressions were neither closed nor open was a mystery to me and if there was something I didn't like, it was mysteries. And maybe surprises.

"You know you've not answered my question."

Her eyes widened. "What was that?"

"How does it feel like to be a psychologist?"

"Good."

"Just good?"

"Yes." She paused. "I resigned."

"What?"

She laughed. "I resigned at LUTH so as to start a career as a private consultant." She opened her purse. "Here is my card. You're free to come around anytime."

I patiently studied the card. As much as letting her know her resigning and pursuing her dreams was a brave act, I didn't want her to get the wrong impression. Most of the ladies I had met do not hesitate to jump to conclusions and I was not ready to deal with another misinterpretation of my action just yet.

"How did you feel when you got your first client?"

She gently dropped her spoon and dabbed the corner of her lips. "I felt... good."

"Is that all?"

She smiled, revealing a nice set of teeth. "Yes. Or do you have a better word I can use in qualifying it?"

"Since I currently don't have a full grasp of how you feel about your profession" which was the whole idea of asking you the question. "I would say no."

I fixed my gaze on my barely touched food as she softly hummed along the music playing in the background. She was obviously having a nice time. The only unfortunate thing was, I couldn't say the same.

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CHAPTER ONE

LIZ

My hand hung over the doorbell as I heard hurried footsteps coming towards the door. My best guess was Rosie Redmond already caught a glimpse of me from her room. The door clicked open and I was drawn into a friendly embrace.

"I've been waiting to hear about your date with Desmond." She said excitedly as she pulled me to a sofa. "I would have shown up at your house if you had decided not to come here."

I grinned. "I couldn't do that to you. Not after promising."

She wrinkled her nose. "I was not happy when you refused to say a word even after spending fifteen minutes trying to convince you. I can't believe the longest time we've talked over the phone was about a request you refused to grant."

"I'm sorry that had to happen. I only wanted to see your expression when telling you about it. To start with, Desmond has two sisters who in my opinion did things to him that would make any lady think twice about being with him."

She gasped. "Did they abuse him?"

I resisted the urge to roll my eyes and kept my face expressionless. It wouldn't hurt to play a few pranks on her.

She shrank into the chair as she viewed whatever answer it was she was looking for in my eyes. "My poor Desmond." She whispered. "No one could have thought he went through something like that. I wish I treated him better. I could have tried to be nicer to him instead of throwing Dayo into his face every time we talked."

Her pale face stirred something in me and I found myself laughing. She looked at me in confusion but her face soon softened as realization dawned.

"My poor Desmond." I mimicked.

She laughed. "Please don't start. This must stay between us."

I pulled up the most solemn face I could muster and nodded in agreement.

"I can't imagine Desmond getting to know I..." She trailed off.

"Getting to know you regretted saying no to him." I teased.

"You're making it sound horrible. And don't you dare laugh."

But that was exactly what I did. I laughed so much my ribs hurt and even when I calmed she picked up the laughter.

"I can't believe I was thinking he was sexually abused. I should have known that innocent expression of yours brings nothing but trouble."

"I only meant to say they taught him everything from the menstrual cycle to the proper way a lady should dress and every other thing you can think of. Can you believe that guy noticed the powder I used was a little darker than my skin tone?"

"What?"

"I mistakenly took Jenny's powder with me and I didn't even realize it until I applied it on my face. The last client I had for the day took extra minutes of my time and that automatically cancelled the option of going home. Since I wasn't willing to risk getting stuck in Lagos traffic, I headed straight to meet him from work. Imagine my shock when Desmond stylishly told me he thinks the powder I used was not the right shade for my skin."

"Wow!"

"That's not all. I asked him about the first thought he had the moment he realized I was Liz Rematrin and he said it was 'her powder could use another touch'."

She grinned. "Interesting. Did he tell you anything about his family or..." She hesitated. " "anything at all about himself?"

"Not really. I actually got to know about his sister because he was noticing and talking about things an average guy wouldn't care to notice or talk about. He told me growing up with two sisters taught him a lot. Do you have a reason for asking?"

"No."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes, I am. So tell me, what do you think of him?"

I shrugged. "I think he's a gentleman."

Rosie raised her brows enquiringly so I explained. "One would have expected him to be girly or even highhanded with all the knowledge he has about the feminine gender but he is not. I think he is really cool."

My mind whirled back to my most embarrassing moment of the date. We had talked at length and had even shared a few jokes about our childhood experiences. The conversation had gotten so interesting I had felt disappointed when he announced it was time to leave. I knew hesitating could send him the wrong signal so I followed him out and he decided to walk me to my car. Everything went well until I noticed my car key was missing. We searched the whole place and even asked some guards to help us in searching all to no avail. My mind got so muddled up I would have doubted I came with the key if my car wasn't sitting gallantly in the parking lot. It was not until Desmond told me the key was hanging from the ignition did I realize my mistake. I had locked the door without taking the key with me. No man I knew wanted to be with a forgetful woman.

"I'm not forgetful. More so, I don't care if he does not want to be with me." I murmured.

"Sorry, I didn't get that."

"I wasn't talking to you. I was only lost in thoughts." I replied.

She winked. "I thought as much. Seeing the way you had that dreamy look on your face."

I groaned.

"Anyway, you said Desmond is a cool guy."

"Hmm hmm."

"I was wondering what made you say that."

I shook my head in disbelief. "I explained what I meant by calling him a gentleman and now I have to tell you the reason I think he is a cool guy. I won't be surprised if I spend the whole day explaining what I mean by every word I say."

"You just might."

I cocked my head as I watched the unconcealed excitement on her face. She wanted me to give her the full details of my date with Desmond and I will, except for the car part of the story of course. On second thought, I might as well tell her everything. But, how do I explain Desmond driving me several miles home and even collecting the spare key to my car with the promise of bringing it for me this evening without making her think something was going on?

***

DESMOND

If there was anything I wouldn't tell Liz Rematrin, it was the fact that I offered to bring her car so as to have an excuse to see Rosie. I blew out a breath as I pulled into her driveway. She was living with parents I was privileged to meet yesterday, a younger sister I was looking forward to meeting – based on all I heard about her from Liz and she has an elder brother I would most likely not get to meet. I had been quite disappointed when Liz's mum told me Jenny was already asleep by the time I dropped Liz home after the date. I guess one thing that endeared her to me apart from her mischievousness was the fact that she bears the same name as my eldest sister. I scratched my chin. That was not entirely the truth. Her name was only my eldest sister's nickname. I glanced around the neighbourhood and tried to figure out the way to Rosie's house. Liz had let it slip that her house was only a couple of blocks away from Rosie's. The only problem was I could not get Rosie's address unless I asked Liz, which I was definitely not willing to do. I would have to find a way to extract the information from her without her knowledge. And that meant spending the next thirty to fifty minutes discussing things that have little or no relevance to me. On second thoughts, Liz is an intelligent woman and I might not be wasting my time after all.

"Could this be...?"

I blinked severally as I stared at the figure approaching me. This person was Liz but a completely different version. I couldn't place my hand on it but something had definitely changed about her. Was it the smile? No, she smiled a lot yesterday and I didn't feel this way.

"Good evening Desmond."

I slowly got out of the car. "Good evening Liz."

I quietly checked her out for signs of nervousness as I fought to calm my racing heart.

"Thanks for bringing the car."

"Don't mention."

"Would you like to come in?"

"Yes... I mean no." I laughed awkwardly. "The point is I'm planning on seeing a friend and I won't want to get there late." Late? When she doesn't even know you're coming. Think straight Desmond.

"Rosie right?"

I blinked. "Sorry?"

"The friend you want to see is Rosie, right?"

"Hmm...Yes."

Her gaze softened. "I knew it."

We stared at each other for several weird moments before she broke the ice. "Can I give you a piece of friendly advice?"

I won't like this. "Sure."

"If you're planning on making her fall in love with you, it won't work. Her heart is with another. I know hearing this might be hard for you seeing you admire her a lot but I think knowing this would help you more." She shrugged. "The least I can do after everything you've done for me is to tell you the truth."

Did she say admire her a lot? I swallowed. "Wow. This is really a hard pill to chew and hearing it from you doesn't make it easier."

She smiled. "As much as it is none of my business, I can't pretend like I don't know. If I didn't know better I would have thought you were heartsick."

Heartsick? "I don't know what you saw but I'm not head over heels in love with Rosie and neither am I heartsick. I just like her... a lot."

"I guess my advice wasn't needed then."

"No, it's okay. Rosie basically told me the same thing. I just wanted to give it a trial just in case she changed her mind."

She bit her lips and I almost swooned. What exactly changed about her? Why does she look like her?

"Okay."

"I have a question for you Liz."

Her eyes widened. "What is it?"

"You look different today." Something I couldn't define crossed her face. All I knew was I didn't like it. "Did you change something? Like, did you apply something different?"

"No. I didn't apply anything today." She looked away briefly. "You don't like it?"

"No... I... it's fine."

The fact that she didn't use something special didn't go down well with me. I didn't like the fact that a special beauty secret was not what magically transformed her into looking this way. I didn't like the fact that the makeup she used had hindered me from noticing the resemblance earlier on. And I definitely didn't like the fact that she was looking so much like Tirzah.

"Can I ask you another question?"

"Yes."

"Do you have a twin?"

Her brows creased. "Yes."

I inhaled sharply as my heart slammed within me. Her face went up in alarm and my heart squeezed even more.

"Desmond, are you alright?"

"Yes, I am. Where is your twin sister now?"

She took a step away from me. "How did you know my twin was a she?"

I raised my brows at her use of was. "Let's just say I took a lucky guess."

LIZ

I wanted him to leave. I had known him for approximately twenty-four hours and I had never felt more embarrassed in all my years of existence. Why did he have to know so much about ladies? I had met a lot of guys and none of them gave me much trouble as he did. The fact that I cared about what he thought of my appearance made me even more uneasy. I should have paid more attention to the way I looked yesterday. It seemed I had made an impression that would last for a while.

"Hey!"

My head snapped up.

"You were lost in thoughts. Is everything okay?"

"Yes." I pointed at the pavement. "Can we sit?"

"Sure. I didn't realize we've been standing for that long."

I kept a safe distance from him as we sat. He turned his head towards me, giving me a full view of his face. The distance between us felt so small I had to still myself from moving away.

"The version of you I'm seeing today is far different from the Liz I saw yesterday."

"What version of Liz did you see yesterday?"

The corner of his eyes creased as he focused on me. "The Liz I saw yesterday looked very different."

And there goes the word again. What exactly does he mean when he says that?

"You look..." He held my gaze and sighed. "You look very beautiful."

I would have felt elated by the fact that he found me beautiful if he hadn't looked so pained. A strong desire to comfort him came over me and I didn't know when I placed my hand on his shoulder. "Are you sure you're okay?"

He smiled. "Yes."

Blood rushed to my face as he glanced at the spot my hand rested on his shoulders. My hand felt glued and I found it difficult to lift which made me more embarrassed. He must have sensed the tension rising with me as he grinned and said: "If this is what I get for calling you beautiful, then, I'll do it more often."

I smacked his shoulder playfully and the tension broke. "Puuhhlleeaazzee don't start."

He laughed. "I actually prefer seeing you this way. I wouldn't have known you were this beautiful if I didn't see you today."

I rolled my eyes. "I got dressed in a hurry yesterday and the powder I used actually belongs to my sister."

"No wonder. I bet you rarely take time off work."

"You're right about that." I sighed. "I guess I never really saw the need to."

He groaned. "Don't go all girly on me."

"I wasn't planning on but now that I think about it, I just might."

He stared into space as if relishing a memory. I would say a painful one because his brows were tightly drawn and his mouth thinned into a grim line. He exhaled slowly. "If you do, I just might start liking you."

My mouth went dry. The last thing I needed was to make him think I was interested in him. Not like I wasn't. But I'd rather enjoy friendship with him than spend my days agonizing on making him fall in love with me and stuff like that. I've done that before and I didn't quite like how it left me.

"What was your first thought when you saw me?" He asked.

"Do you want the truth?"

"Yes."

"I thought you looked like a playboy."

He laughed for several seconds before turning moist eyes on me. "What?"

"You asked for the truth and I gave you."

"This is the first time I'll hear someone calling me that. How do playboys look?"

"It depends. I guess they look too handsome and spotless for their own good. You were so relaxed I could have thought you owned the hotel."

"That is still not enough reason to make that kind of conclusion."

"I know. It's just that you fitted into the mental description I had of playboys. I know playboys come in different shapes, sizes and looks but my mind had a biased image in it."

He nodded thoughtfully. "Do you still think so?"

"No. Talking with you and seeing you dressed in a tee-shirt and faded jeans, I don't think you're a playboy. The playboy thing was only a passing thought."

He smiled. "That's good to know."

I smiled. "I want us to play a game."

"What sort of game?"

"We'll take turns asking each other questions."

His gaze turned thoughtful. "What if I have a request instead of a question?"

"Let me hear it. If it's something I can do, then you have it."

"I want to see a picture of your twin sister."

I hesitated. "Okay. Please give me a moment."

I went to my room and couldn't help pondering why Desmond asked to see Samantha. She's been gone for twenty-one years and nearly forgotten by everyone. I quickly scanned through the family pictures I kept in my safe and smiled when I saw the picture we took on our fourth birthday. That was before the whole incident happened. I picked it up and hurriedly left the room.

"That was fast."

"Thank you. Here. I hope you like what you see."

He took the picture and his eyes widened. I guessed he must have been shocked at how much Samantha and I looked alike yet different. We were not so identical you couldn't tell us apart but several things about us were exactly the same. Mum always said we were the most unique set of twin she knew. What mother wouldn't?

"Can I keep this?"

I knew I should refuse him but his eyes made it difficult for me to do so. They were filled with so much emotion it made me want to cry. More so, it was only a picture and I had many others to remind me of the twin I once had.

"Sure you can."

"Thank you."

"You're welcome. I must say I'm curious to know why you want to keep the picture?"

"Hmm." He pondered. "I like seeing the two of you together. And I think the picture sort of stirred some paternal instincts in me."

I grinned. "I like your sense of humour."

"So do I." He winked.

"Since you're feeling so fatherly today, I might as well tell you what happened to her."

He swallowed which I found weird but attributed to his overactive paternal instincts. Something about the way he held my gaze made my stomach flutter. I briefly closed my eyes against the increasing awareness of his manliness and handsomely thick eyebrows. To think I was noticing his eyebrows at a time like this.

"I'm listening."

Heat crawled up my neck at the thought of being caught. "Sorry. I get wrapped up in my head sometimes."

"It's alright. I'm really interested in hearing about her."

"Her name was Samantha. My memory of her is getting faint by the day because she died some weeks after we celebrated our fourth birthday. Mum told me her body was found several days after she got missing in a deserted well close to the house where we formerly lived. She also told me her body was badly disfigured they hardly recognised her. Her cloth and hairstyle were what made them sure it was her."

"Did they find out how it happened?"

"In a way they did. A neighbour confessed to seeing a man at the well on the day she got missing. He said he didn't recognise the man because it was dark and his back was turned. According to him, the man had something lying beside him and our neighbour as at that time didn't give it much thought. Everyone guessed the man probably did it. And the police were not any better. They came up with nothing substantial despite several investigations and questionings. Nobody till this day knows the identity of the man."

"Was there anyone who could have wanted her dead?"

"Absolutely not. She was a little girl and a very sweet one at that. I remember she always wanted mum to dress us in matching outfits and she wouldn't take anything if I didn't have it." I smiled. "It was nice having her around even though it was only for a short period of time."

"I'm sorry."

"Don't be. We've all gotten over it and I believe she's in a better place."

"She sure is."

We both fell into companionable silence with each of us lost in thoughts. My thoughts were not filled with my twin sister but the man who cared enough to listen. Very few people knew about Samantha and that was not because I chose to hide it but because they didn't care enough to find out.

"Do you mind me calling a friend of mine?"

"There is something important I need to tell her." He added.

"Sure, you can."

He stood and walked several steps away from me before pulling out his phone. He didn't have to ask for my permission yet he did. My ears unwillingly tuned to his conversation and I heard him saying "We have to talk Tirzah." He must have felt my gaze because he glanced at me and lowered his voice. Who is Tirzah? I wondered. My mind reeled as I tried to remember if he had mentioned having a girlfriend during any of our conversations. I stopped myself before I could go any further. How could he have a girlfriend while tirelessly pursuing Rosie? He definitely didn't have a girlfriend. Although there was a Tirzah he was more than willing to call, I noted with a tiny, almost imperceptible stab of pain.

*=*=*=*

CHAPTER TWO

DESMOND

"Have some respect Des. I've not seen you in three years and you think you have the right to come into my house without even informing me."

I looked sheepishly at Tirzah who was staring daggers at me. It was technically my house but there was no use reminding her. It wasn't like she forgot because even I couldn't forget any of it.

"I have the spare key." I shrugged. "And I couldn't resist the urge to surprise you."

"Unfortunately for you Des, I'm not surprised. I'm angry! How could you not bother to check on me for three years?"

"But I've been calling you."

"I hope you don't mean the two times you call in a year and the haphazard way you reply to my texts."

"Tirzah, Ghana is not a stone throw from Lagos. Apart from the fact that I've been busy, I wanted you to start afresh with no connections to the past."

"That is no excuse Des. The least you could have done was to keep in touch, if not for my sake, for Marian's."

She covered her face with her hands and I didn't realize what she was doing until her shoulders started shuddering. I didn't like seeing tears because it had a way of wearing on my conscience, especially when I'm directly or indirectly responsible for it. I dropped my suitcase and walked across the room to hug her. The house looked different from the last time I saw it. She had changed the painting from dark brown to sky blue with several touches of white. My attention was drawn from my assessment of the room to her as she tightened her hold on me. Her body shook as her tears soaked my chest. I drew in a sharp breath as I became aware of more than her tears. The fact that I was tightly holding onto a fully grown woman dawned on me and I took a step back before my body could start responding in a way I might end up regretting.

"I've missed you Des."

I smiled down at her. An image of Liz floated through my mind and I bit down the guilt that stabbed hard at me. I was not promised to her so I had no reason to feel guilty for smiling at Tirzah.

"I've missed you too."

"I want you to hold me."

Alarm ran through my spine. "I... don't think that's a good idea."

She turned tear rimmed eyes on me. "Why?"

"You know why Tirzah. You're a very attractive woman and you deserve to be treated right."

"But I'm the one asking you to."

"I can't. I made a promise to God and I'm bent on keeping it."

She raised her brow. "I never took you to be a God freak."

I shrugged in what I hoped was a nonchalant way. "Things happen."

"It's a shame I won't get another chance to make love to you." She frowned. "I actually didn't make love to you that first time. You were the one..."

"Please Tirzah. Spare me the details. I remember everything that happened quite clearly."

"As you wish. Please come with me so I can show you to the guest room, not like you can't remember where it is of course."

"I also don't think that is a good idea."

She sighed. "I'm not planning on seducing you. It's been a while since I've been with anyone and seeing you here just sort of sent my hormones on a rampage. And don't give me that look. I already broke up with John."

"Why?"

"He was starting to show sexual interest in Marian."

I frowned as anger rose within me. "What sort of a guy is he? She's barely four."

"Not every guy is as responsible as you."

"And you didn't even deem it fit to let me know."

She held my gaze. "You could hardly expect me to tell you something like that within the two minutes we spend talking on the phone."

"And that even rarely happens."

She shrugged. "Let's put the past behind us and focus on the present."

"Where is Marian?"

"Would you at least have your seat?"

I smiled at the way our roles got reversed.

"Now that you're seated, Marian is at school and she'll be back soon."

Emotion clogged my throat at the thought of seeing her again. She had been in her diapers the last time I saw her. "Does she ask after me?"

"Yes."

"Did she forgive me for not coming around?"

She chuckled. "With a mother like me, she sure did."

"I bet she did."

"She was always eager for Christmas because she knew you would call and that was one time she could talk to you again."

Tears clouded my eyes and I did nothing to hide it. I had thought sending Tirzah enough money was all that was required of me but nothing could have been farther from the truth. "She must have loved the Christmas period."

"Yes, she does. She even made me frame your picture and nagged me until I put it on her nightstand. She prays for you every night. I guess I'm the only one here who is not religious" She smiled. "Let me go and prepare something for you to eat."

I nodded and watched Tirzah leave the sitting room. She had looked so much like Liz when she stared at me in shock from across the room. But that was where their resemblance ended. Tirzah was fiery where Liz was calm and she was all curves where Liz was – well, slender. Her cheeks dimpled while Liz's didn't. Her eyes glittered in a way Liz's didn't but Liz's eyes were warm in a way Tirzah's weren't. I scratched my chin thoughtfully. I shouldn't be comparing them when I wasn't even sure they were twin sisters. For all I knew, they only looked alike. But a part of me knew better. The way their nose broadened at the end and the oval shape of their face obviously ran in the family. Tirzah didn't only look like Liz; she looked very much like Liz's mum.

My ears caught movement outside the door and I glanced through the peephole to see who it was. A woman was holding unto a small girl who looked strangely familiar. I opened the door and got to know the woman was a teacher and the little girl was Marian. The little girl paid little attention to me as she struggled to hold on to her backpack which almost dwarfed her. I squatted and smiled until I caught her gaze. Her eyes widened in surprise and she didn't utter a word until Tirzah came up behind me.

"Mummy." She whispered while pointing at me. "Is he Daddy?"

The teacher shared a look with Tirzah before taking her leave.

"Yes dear. That's your Daddy."

Tirzah's response to Marian left me dazed. I mindlessly carried Marian to my seat and didn't even realize how I answered her numerous questions. Tirzah had the guts to lie to the little girl. Not like I wouldn't have loved being her father but the truth was, I was not. Even Tirzah couldn't remember the man she was with the night she got pregnant. I would never forget the fact that my mistake turned her into the person she is. But I had left the past, and I believed it was time she did too.

"Marian dear, you'll have to go to your room now. Daddy just came back and he needs to rest."

"But I just met him." She argued.

"Yes, I know. And I promise not to disturb you guys when he's done resting."

"What if he leaves?" She asked, her voice bordering on tears.

Tirzah spared me a glance. "He won't if you'll be a good girl."

She nodded. "Daddy I'll be a good girl please don't leave."

My chest tightened within me. As much as I was angry at Tirzah, I couldn't deny Marian of a father she might never meet. "No, I won't. And to prove that to you, I'll be the one to take you to your room."

Her eyes widened in delight. "Really?"

"Yes, as long as you show me the way."

I mouthed 'we have to talk' to Tirzah as I left the room with Marian. My life just got complicated. Being a member of Python got me more than I bargained for.

***

One week later

LIZ

I hurriedly scribbled my thoughts as I waited for my next client. Being a psychologist had been a dream which came true a few years ago. The joy I got from helping my clients face their fears and discover themselves cannot be bought. I sighed contentedly as the door to my office opened. My gaze lifted and I was about to go back to writing when recognition kicked in. Is that who I thought it was? I swallowed nervously as hope rose up in me. Despite the number of times I'd told myself it wasn't going to happen, I couldn't stop imagining how it would feel like if I got married to someone like Desmond. I knew hoping he would feel the same was weird but nobody could blame a lady for delving into fantasies.

"Good morning, Miss Rematrin."

I brushed my palm against my skirt. "Good morning,

Mr Falade. Please have your seat."

"Thank you."

I averted my gaze as our eyes met. Seeing him without warning left me completely tongue-tied and my mind grew blank as I thought of what he was doing in my office. The psychologist in me calmly assessed the situation but the girl in me wanted to load him with questions. The first being 'Are you stalking me?'. The funny thing was if I decided to let the girl in me take the lead, I couldn't summon the courage to ask him.

"Your office looks exquisite."

"Thank you sir."

"Can we stop being formal with each other already? It's making me tense."

I smiled. The sweet mouthed Desmond was feeling tense. I must be doing something right. My tongue sweetly felt light at the knowledge that he was as nervous as I.

"Sorry about that. I was just a little bit thrown off seeing you here."

"Weren't you given a file or something?"

I furrowed my brows. What is he talking about?

"I mean the sort of file doctors get when they have patients. Don't look like you don't know what I'm talking about. I'm only saying you should have known I was your next client."

My smile tightened. To think his was the only one I didn't bother checking.

"I understand what you're talking about and yes, I got it but I haven't been able to go through it."

I opened his file and eyed it cautiously. There was nothing written in it that I didn't already know except for his date of birth. I stole a glance at him. "Mr Falade, I think..."

"Liz." He drawled. "Can we drop this formality, please?"

"I can't help it." I argued. "I guess it comes with the profession.

Nothing could be farther from the truth but he wouldn't know that. The correct thing to say would have been 'it comes with the nervousness'.

"I believe we'll make more progress if you can be the Liz I talked to on Saturday. I deliberately came here because I feel more comfortable talking to a friend than someone who feels obligated to do so."

"Okay, Desmond. I'm all ears."

I smiled as he looked like every nerve in his body wanted to bolt out of the room.

"I started having nightmares after an incident that happened several years ago but it stopped at some point. I thought I was over it until Saturday."

"What happened on Saturday?"

He sighed. "You reminded me of her. I haven't thought of her in a while and I guess I wouldn't have if..." He trailed off.

I stared at him blankly. "If?"

"It's nothing."

"Do you want to talk about it?"

"I'd rather not."

"You know, my sister-in-law – Audrey – usually say something I didn't give much thought until now. Whenever Edward or any other person doesn't feel like telling her things she'll say, not telling me doesn't protect me, neither does it protect you, it only proves a point."

He sat back in his chair as he considered my words. He didn't have to know the point Audrey thought keeping secrets proved was that the person keeping the secret was not bold enough to face the consequences. And I personally think it's a long way of saying the person was a coward.

"What point does my secrecy prove in this case?" He asked thoughtfully.

I smiled. "I'd rather not talk about it."

"Reverse psychology won't work with me, Liz. Out with it already."

"I wasn't planning on using reverse psychology on you, but now that you've mentioned it, I just might. And no, I'm not telling you. It's my secret."

"I don't like secrets." His brows furrowed. "Not this type of secret anyway."

"What kind of secrets do you like then?"

"The kind that does not involve you forming a dreadful opinion about my actions. I'm warning you, Liz, I might just be starting to care about what you think of me."

I stifled the smile that threatened to spill on my face. "Do you ever keep your feelings and thoughts to yourself?"

"When it has to do with me admiring and liking someone – No."

"Alright, we were talking about your nightmares."

He chuckled. "I can't believe you backed out even before I started. Are you finding it hard to have a harmless conversation?"

"More like I'm finding it hard to endure your harmless flirtation."

He opened his mouth then closed it. "I think it's best we go back to talking about the nightmares."

"I agree with that. You were saying something about my reminding you of her."

"Yes, I was."

"Who was she?"

"Is she." He corrected.

"I'm sorry. Who is she?"

"Her name is Tirzah."

"Okay. Is everything okay?"

He tipped his head back and smiled in a way that made me doubt if I had really seen the pain in his eyes.

"I'm fine."

"That's good to know because you looked hurt and it sort of got me concerned."

"Really?" He cocked his brows. "Heavens must be smiling on me."

My eyes grew wide and he must have misinterpreted the surprise and tiny pleasure I felt for embarrassment because he said, "Never mind. I tend to get ahead of myself sometimes."

"That's alright. I think it would be better if we only talked about your purpose for being here Mr Falade."

"I have no problem with that. But are you sure about that, Miss Rematrin?"

"Yes, I am."

His eyes twinkled. "That's such a waste. I was thinking you would love to get to know your client and even create a friendly atmosphere so as to make the whole consultation business easier. Or isn't that what psychologists do?"

"You're a very different client Mr Falade and that means I'll have to use a very different method with you."

"And what makes me different?"

I blew out a breath and ignored his question. "It seems we would have to continue this session some other time."

"You mean a time when I'm more... agreeable?"

"I would say a time when you're not trying to work your charms off me."

He uncrossed his legs and looked at me quite seriously. "Okay. I'll tell you all you need to know about Tirzah and let's see how far your psychological prowess can help us."

My brows lifted at his use of us and I dared not think if 'us' referred to him and Tirzah, or him and I.

***

My heart throbbed heavily within me. I had spent the night tossing and turning yet I couldn't get the session I had with Desmond out of my mind. It had taken a lot of strength and professional etiquette for me not to let the shock I felt show after he told me everything, or what I hoped was everything. It had taken another dose of strength for me to act like I heard stories like his every day. By the time he booked another appointment, I thought I was going to pass out from weakness. My fantasies had been shattered and I was only left with shreds of what used to be my hope. I knew I wouldn't have been this disappointed if he was another person. It would have been easier on me if we hadn't met and talked and laughed. If I hadn't seen him as a man I could spend the rest of my life with. I just couldn't believe he did all those things. How could he allow that happen to her? Why didn't she go ahead and press charges? And how could that Desmond go ahead and live like it didn't happen? Tears flowed painfully from my eyes. I was crying for the things that couldn't be for both Tirzah and I. Everything I knew and thought about Desmond was a lie.

A knock on my door caught my attention. I sprang from my bed and went to unlock the door. Seeing my mum standing there in her night robe was not as surprising as the two cups of tea she was holding. It was barely five in the morning and the mother I knew would have started preparing for work. Not waltzing around the house with tea in hand.

"Good morning, Mum."

"Good morning dear." She pushed her way into the room. "I hope I didn't disturb your sleep."

"You know I'm always awake before five in the morning, so, it's nothing. What's up with the tea?"

She dropped the cups on my nightstand and took her seat at the edge of the bed. "I just had the urge to have a conversation with you. I thought we would enjoy talking over tea."

I took my seat beside her. "What do you want us to talk about... at five in the morning?"

"You tell me."

"I've not had much going on in my life."

She handed me a cup. "You don't have to bug yourself about it. We have all the time."

It was on the tip of my tongue to tell her we didn't. She would have to prepare for work and I would have to do the same. Traffic was bad enough without having to leave home just an hour to resumption time.

"We can start with what happened at work yesterday."

I choked on my tea and stared at her. "What?"

"It's alright if you don't feel like talking dear."

I shook my head. "No, it's not that. I was wondering how you knew."

She raised her brow. "Knew what?"

"Never mind."

"Don't even think about hiding things from me Liz Victoria Rematrin. What happened yesterday?"

I sighed. "I can't go into details but I got to know something terrible one of my friends did and I felt disappointed."

I didn't mention the fact that he was one of my clients because I knew she was going to tell me the last thing I should have done was to be disappointed about something my client did. She would have gone down the do not judge lane. Unfortunately, my omission didn't help matters.

"Why were you disappointed?"

"Muuummm, it's only normal that I feel disappointed. This guy is somebody I was starting to see as a friend." Did I just say that? "And hearing what he did to another person only made me feel bad. Why would he do something like that?"

"Let the one without a past be the first person to throw a stone. I know you might not necessarily like this but I must tell you the truth." She placed her hand on my shoulder. "I owe you that much as your mother. I understand the fact that you would prefer your friends having a clean past. Now that you have one who doesn't, why not see it as God's way of revealing his love to others through you."

"What do you mean?"

She smiled. "It's simple, Liz. You claim to be a Christian and everyone believes it. Prove us right by treating your friend the way you know deep down in you he should be treated. Even though you're disappointed in him and you hate everything he did, still do it anyway."

"Mum, you don't know what he did."

"That's correct. But, I know who you are and what you're capable of. And I also know the fact that if he believes Jesus the Son of God died for him, paid the price for his sins and rose on the third day, he is forgiven and declared justified. Try seeing things through the eyes of Jesus and then you can choose to hold on to your disappointment in him, if that is what you end up deciding."

My eyes narrowed. Whether she admitted it or not she had just challenged me. And I was not one to back down from challenges that involved my faith. And to think of it, she was right. If I professed to love the Lord I might as well start acting as He did, especially when I don't feel like it.

*=*=*=*

CHAPTER THREE

DESMOND

I felt disappointed in Liz Rematrin. I had expected more but she hadn't hesitated in crushing my expectations. All it took for her to resent me was a little tale about my past. Didn't she get it? It was my past! She had tried to disguise it but I couldn't mistake the tightening of her lips and the deft way she avoided my gaze after telling her about Tirzah for anything but resentment. I already regretted all I did so she need not bother with the saintly attitude. The only thing propelling me towards her office was the knowledge that I needed all the help I could get. I scoffed. Who was I kidding? My nightmares wouldn't get better with a psychologist who feels I'm the worst person on planet earth, neither would the state of my mind. I paused right in front of her door and blew out a breath. I can't do this. I thought I could but I couldn't.

The door to her office opened without warning and the smile plastered on her face made me unnecessarily edgy.

"Good morning Desmond. I've been waiting for you."

I scoffed and her face fell.

"I'm sorry. It's just that I didn't think you would want to see me."

"Why would you think that?" She pulled me in. "Don't bother answering that. Please have your seat."

"Thank you."

My senses were on alert and I couldn't help observing her suspiciously. The shock her friendliness sent through me could not be rivalled by the tingling sensation I felt at her openness. Nothing about her signalled foul play but the Liz I left at the last session was one who could barely hide the disdain she felt towards me. I knew nothing short of a miracle could have caused this effect in her. The only thing I didn't know was if I liked it. It wouldn't take much for me to ignore her if I knew she judged me. But now, I wasn't so sure.

"How was your night Desmond?"

"It was fine, thank you."

"And the nightmare?"

"It was bearable." More like terrible.

She nodded. "Please let me know when talking about it becomes uncomfortable for you. It won't help if you're pushed further than you can handle."

"I'll do that."

"Okay. So, have you seen Tirzah since the incident?"

I swallowed hard. "Yes."

"And how was she?"

If you take out the fact that she is gradually becoming something else, "She was quite fine."

"Your visit was how long ago?"

"More than a week now."

"Really?"

"Yes. Is everything okay?"

"Ye... Yes."

The room crackled with an emotion I didn't recognize. Her expression gave nothing away and I felt like I was transported to the first day we met. If there was anyone I knew who was good at keeping a carefully guarded expression, it was her.

"Did you have nightmares before now?"

"Yes."

"Can you tell me about them?"

"The nightmares started after they..." My throat closed up. They had gone to get her from her room without my knowledge. It had rained that night and that was more reason the street had been deserted. Femi and Austin had been chosen to uphold the honour of the Python Group. I had brought dishonour to the cult and somebody had to pay. Unfortunately, they chose her.

"After?"

I blinked. "After the incident." I amended. "You must know that Tirzah was not my first."

"Okay."

"Why don't you sound surprised?"

She shrugged. "I figured she wasn't. The only thing baffling me was why you started having nightmares after her?"

"I loved her Liz or I thought I did. Now I know better than to think love is all about the way I feel about the other person but I must tell you that I had strong feelings for her. I asked her out because I wanted to be with her and not because I felt like having another girlfriend which was something I did frequently while I was still a member of the group. Even after the cult decided I had embarrassed them by having a girl reject me, I still wanted to protect her. I tried warning her but she wouldn't listen. I knew I was not predictable whenever I got high on drugs but I tried warning her. I'm not trying to make the former me appear as a saint by telling you I warned her because I must confess that the former Desmond did hurtful things to quite a number of ladies. I'm telling you this part of the story so you can have the complete picture."

"I understand. So when did the nightmares stop at that time?"

"It stopped after I asked her to forgive me."

"And she did?"

I stared at her. "Yes. That time was a turning point in my life."

"Okay." She murmured. "Are you saying the nightmares stopped after you knew she forgave you?"

"Yes. I couldn't accept the forgiveness the Lord Jesus offered until she forgave me. It made me think that if she being human could forgive me for hurting her, how much more a righteous God who died for me. Everything made sense after that."

The whole room fell silent as she stared into space. Her brows were slightly fixed as she concentrated solely on whatever it was she was thinking about. She must have remembered I was still sitting because she smiled apologetically at me.

"You know I've been wondering. Why didn't she press charges?"

I smiled sadly. "Nobody would have believed her. And if they did, the cult would have had her framed. She could have been sent to a psychiatric home or even worse, killed."

Her eyes widened. "Why won't they believe her?"

She obviously didn't have any idea. Python Group had members in very high places in the country. People who could shut down any complaint she files even before she was done saying it.

My lips tightened. "It's kind of complicated Liz. Just know that there was more to her silence than meets the eye. Although, I believe her silence now has nothing to do with fear. She forgave me and we're still friends. I still don't know how anyone could have had the strength to do that. Frankly speaking, I don't think I would have forgiven me if I were her."

LIZ

Ashamed. I felt so ashamed. I knew I should have thought Tirzah was a fool. I knew I should have felt angry at her stupidity. She should have made them pay. She should have done something that would make them feel the pain she went through, yet she didn't. She chose to forgive. She had done nothing wrong except refuse the advances of a spineless cultist. Yet she forgave him while I who got to know him seven years after the incident didn't hesitate in judging him.

"She showed me what it meant to let go. I admit that her actions made me have a rethink about the way I was living. I couldn't go on living like nothing mattered after everything." He smiled sadly. "I know this sounds crazy but I'm glad it all happened."

"What?"

"Don't get me wrong. I'm not happy about the fact that I raped her and ruined her chances at so many things." He paused. "If anything, I want to erase that memory forever. I'm only glad that the incident made me discover the things that were important."

I fiddled with my pen in an attempt to concentrate on anything but him. My gaze snapped up when I heard him say something like 'I hope she will also discover that soon enough'.

"What are you talking about?"

"Did you hear that?"

"Yes"

"Oh. I was only thinking of it. I didn't know I muttered it aloud."

"Does the nightmare remind you of what happened that night?"

"The nightmare does not only remind me of what happened, it takes me back to that night."

I locked my gaze with his as I tried to imagine what he must be going through. Having to relive that kind of experience was definitely not a good thing. Desmond Falade was the most peculiar case I'd ever handled. There was a missing link in his story which I was yet to figure out.

"You said I reminded you of her?"

"That's correct."

"Do I still remind you of her?"

He observed me silently. "No."

"Should I take that to mean we do not look alike?"

Caution lit his eyes and I wondered what he was trying to hide.

"I think the innocence and vulnerability I saw in you that morning brought it all rushing back."

"Okay." I knew he didn't answer my question but I decided to let it go. "As much as I don't like to admit it, yours is a case that baffles me."

He cocked his head. "The mind can be a complicated thing to understand."

"Sorry?"

"Never mind. It's something I read in a book."

"Okay. How soon can you arrange a meeting with her?"

"With Tirzah?"

It took a lot for me not to roll my eyes. Who else would it be? Rosie? Heat ran through me at the cheesiness of my thought. The mind was truly a complicated thing to understand.

"Yes."

He sighed. "That is very easy."

"I think seeing and talking with her is the best step to take in dealing with this. I'm starting to think knowing she had forgiven you buried all the negative feelings you had about what happened. I might be wrong but I also think you've never really forgiven yourself. You don't have to feel pressured about talking to her about that night. Just do it at your own pace."

He nodded.

"Let me add one more thing. You have to note that this has nothing to do with my profession."

"I'm all ears."

"I judged you Desmond." His Adam's apple bobbled but I went on. The truth will always set me free. "I felt disappointed in you but I'm not anymore. When I focused on your mistakes they got magnified but when I turned my gaze to who the Lord already made you, I can't help but stand in awe. I must tell you that what you did was very terrible and it's not something to be proud of but you must also know that it's all in the past. There is a reason the past is called the past. You have to focus on who you currently are and not who you used to be. If the Lord does not say something about you and you believe it, you just believed a lie. To be very sincere with you I believe your nightmare has nothing to do with Tirzah but with you. Forgive yourself Desmond. Deal with the past and let it go. Whatever has happened has happened. You can't go back there anymore but you can choose to live each day afresh. You have to really believe you are not that person anymore and so you don't have to pay for it."

He stared at me for several seconds. "Thank you."

"Do you think I talked too much?"

He smiled. "No. At a point, I was thinking I should just build you a church. You would make a nice pastor."

I laughed. "Church koor church ni. Send the money you want to use in building the church into my account and you will see wonders."

His eyes fixed intently on me and I started to feel self-conscious. I had relaxed into a playful mood with him and I didn't know if he thought that was a good or a bad thing. I guess I would have to be more specific when I ask God to send me clients. My face lit up with a smile when a voice within me said 'And I guess you should be more specific about the people you give your card.' To think God was indirectly telling me I was as responsible for Desmond's presence in my office as he was.

"You look very beautiful when you smile."

My mouth opened in reply but my brain couldn't think of anything.

"Thank you or you look very handsome when you pay me compliments would be a very good reply, Liz." He replied sullenly.

I laughed so hard tears pooled in my eyes. "Thank you, Mr Falade."

"You're welcome, Miss Rematrin."

"So are you going to talk to her?"

He paused. "I'll do that – as soon as I get home."

I raised my brow as I waited for him to continue. What does he mean by 'as soon as I get home'?

"Don't look at me like I've sprouted wings. She's currently at my house."

"What?"

"She's been with me for a week."

"What?"

"I went to Ghana and I brought her back with me."

"Wait a sec. What are you talking about?"

His surprise at my outburst was so obvious I felt heat rush up my face but I wasn't about to back down. He couldn't expect to go scot-free after dropping such a bomb on me.

"I went to Ghana to see Tirzah for some things I'd rather not talk about – now. And then I thought the best thing to move my plan forward was to bring her to Nigeria."

What plan are you talking about, Desmond? Are you planning on marrying her?

"We thought her staying at my place would be the next best thing." He sighed. "I don't know if this will help but I got my immediate elder sister to stay with us. Her husband is currently out of the country so she agreed to stay at my place. Believe me, Liz, there's no time for me to get cosy with Tirzah because the house is currently filled with two of my nieces and a nephew and Tirzah is mostly busy with Marian."

"Who is Marian?"

He shrugged. "Tirzah's daughter."

"Are you her..." I let the question trail off as I couldn't bring myself to say the word to avoid embarrassing either or both of us.

"She calls me Dad."

I closed my eyes briefly as I let the information sink in. The fact that they lived together and even had a daughter didn't bode well with me. As much as I tried to be happy for Desmond and not judge him, something didn't feel right. I safely assumed it was the knowledge that Desmond could never be more than a friend to me, even in an example.

***

DESMOND

The tension within me tightened as I switched off the car's engine. I revelled in the silence as my mind cringed against the thought of entering the house that has been turned to a chatter zone by two women and four kids. The only hideout I had was my room but I couldn't get there without facing my sister and Tirzah not to talk of the kids. Even if I could make it past them all, Tirzah and I had to talk whether I liked it or not.

"Deeessss."

My head jerked up to see Tirzah staring at me.

"What were you thinking of? That was my fourth time of calling you."

"Are you serious?"

"Yes. I was thinking you probably had a long day at work until I remembered you didn't go to work today. Did something bad happen?"

"No."

"Why were you hanging your head so low then?"

"I was just thinking."

"Of?"

"Tirzah pleeaasse. Allow a man his privacy."

Her lips puckered. "Okay."

"When did you even get here? I just got out of the car about a minute ago."

"Tsk tsk tsk. This is even worse than I thought."

"What do you mean?"

"You've been leaning on that car for close to ten minutes. I don't know what is going on in your mind but I know it has to be important for you to lose track of time."

"Did you say ten minutes?"

"Yes. Ten full minutes."

I glanced at my wristwatch and discovered Tirzah was right. It definitely didn't feel like ten minutes to me. Was that the extent to which I wanted to avoid being in my own house?

"Hey."

"What is it this time?"

"You're doing it again."

"Doing what?"

"Hanging your head like somebody gave you a spanking."

I smiled. "Don't start please."

"You look better now that you're smiling. Don't go scaring me by having that dull look on your face. Never forget that you mean so much to me and to every single one of us."

"I'll try not to."

"Does this have anything to do with the twin girls?"

My brows furrowed. "Which twin girls?"

"Don't play dumb with me. I'm talking about the girls in the picture on your bed. I got a good laugh by the thought of you staring at the picture before falling asleep. Who could have thought the invincible Des could fall this hard?" She laughed.

Her laughter ceased at the stricken look on my face.

"Uh... I'm sorry. I just thought you have a girl you're trying to hide from me. I was only going to tease you a little. I didn't know you don't want me to see the picture."

I groaned. "You're not getting the point Tirzah. It's not like I don't want you to see the picture. I was worried about you."

"Me?"

"Yes, You. I wanted to tell you when the time is right."

"What are you talking about?"

'She doesn't know.' The realization hit me squarely in the chest. I should have known when she started talking about me staring at the picture before going to bed; instead, I had thought that was her way of dealing with the shock of seeing her twin sister or who I thought was her twin sister. She really didn't know.

"What are you talking about?"

"Uh... Nothing."

"Deess."

"It's nothing Tirzah. It's just this wild imagination I have of you being a twin."

"What?"

"I'll tell you everything if you promise not to freak out."

"I promise. Now start talking."

***

I stood from my bed as Lolade entered my room. Tiredness was etched on her smile and there was no doubt the events of the day had taken its toll on her. Having another child on the way also didn't make things easier. Having her here might be good for us but was it good for her?

"She's finally awake."

"Thank you."

Tirzah was definitely lousy when it came to keeping promises. She promised not to freak out but she ended up fainting.

"Don't mention."

"Have I told you you're my favourite sister?"

She wrinkled her nose. "That's the same thing you would have told Jennifer if she was here."

I placed a hand on my chest. "Your assessment of me breaks my heart."

"Your boyish trick won't work on me Des. Jennifer is as much your favourite sister as I am and we both know it."

"That's unfair, Lolade. Are you trying to say I can't choose you over Jenny?"

"Yes." She chuckled. "I've missed seeing you squeeze your face like you did the day I messed up your date with that girl. What's her name again?"

"Aisha." I murmured.

"I don't know why ten-year-olds feel they can have dates."

I laughed.

She shrugged. "Maybe they can do that now but not back in our days. I had a nice time asking you for help every two minutes."

"You know I could have decided not to answer you."

"And risk Aisha thinking you were a rebellious child? I knew that girl was brought up to obey instructions and I doubted she would have been impressed with a guy who didn't."

I smiled. "Do you know I resented the fact that you were five years older than me for a long time?"

She sat beside me. "Yes, and I also knew you wished the age difference between Jenny and I was more than a year and a half. I just never fully understood why."

"It's simple. The age difference between us sort of placed you on a higher pedestal than I was while you and Jenny acted like best friends all the time. For example, you might not have been successful in ruining my carefully planned out date with Aisha if you were not so older than me."

She laughed. "I didn't know you felt that way. But the age gap closed up as you grew."

"It sure did."

"Where is Aisha now?"

"The last time I heard from her, she was happily married with two kids."

"Impressive. Now that I think of it, I shouldn't have messed up your date with her?"

"Why?"

"She might have trapped you into marriage by now. And we won't have to repeatedly ask you to get married. Who knows? This house might have been filled with little Desmond's and Aisha's by now."

I groaned. "Don't start, Sis."

"I won't. And that's only because there is a lady who requires your attention in the bedroom down the hallway."

"I guess I should shout my thanks to Tirzah when I see her."

"I guess you should. Will you lead the way or should I?"

"I'll do it."

*=*=*=*

CHAPTER FOUR

LIZ

"You can't be serious."

"I couldn't be more serious Liz."

I moved towards the window and peeped. Just like he said, his car was parked on the driveway. I stared down at my flimsy nightgown and sighed.

"You should have informed me before coming."

"It was kind of impromptu. Can you come outside for a moment?"

I sighed louder. "I'm coming."

I hurriedly pulled on a robe and shoved my feet into the slippers closest to me as I made my way downstairs. Having Desmond show up on my doorstep a few minutes past ten was not one of the events I had planned for the night. I couldn't even bring myself to think of what my parent would think of his actions. The last thing I needed was for them to draw conclusions that would never see the light of day.

"Good evening. That was quite fast." He noted.

"Good evening." I subconsciously pulled my robe tighter around me. "I don't mean to sound rude but what was so important you couldn't wait till morning."

He spared a glance towards his car and I automatically followed his gaze. I was not sure but I felt I saw a slight movement in the front seat.

"Liz, I need you to know that I did all I could to avoid this. I wasn't planning on telling you until I've sorted everything out."

"What happened?"

"I'm trying to prepare you so you won't freak out."

"I won't."

"The last person who told me that was unconscious for close to twenty-five minutes."

"Believe me when I say I can take whatever it is you have to say."

"Okay then. I think your twin sister is alive."

My head pounded heavily and it took a while before I calmed enough to say a word. "What are you talking about?"

"Do you remember when I told you that you reminded me of Tirzah?"

"Yes."

"I meant that... literally."

I gasped.

"Your resemblance was so striking on the day I came to return your car everything came rushing back. Can you also remember that I asked to see a picture of you two together?"

"Yes."

"That further confirmed my suspicion. I still wasn't sure because I know two people can look alike but the resemblance between you two is... is"

"Very much?"

"Yes. Don't get me wrong. There is still a chance that you guys are not related but I felt this was something to look into."

I swallowed. "Is she here with you?"

"Yes."

"Can I see her?"

He turned towards his car. "Tirzah, please come."

A lady dressed in a hood came out of the car and there was nothing striking about her except her walking steps. Something about the way she walked looked familiar but I couldn't place my hands on it.

"I think Liz would love to see your face." He stared at me. "Won't you?"

"I would love to." I managed in a small voice.

She pulled the hood off her head and I found myself staring into my mother's face, or should I say a younger version of her. "Is this for real?" I whispered.

Desmond held me against himself as my knees buckled beneath me. I shook my head vigorously. "This can't be true."

"Please calm down, Liz. I didn't want you to go through this."

"Desmond, you don't understand. I don't know who this lady is, but, I know she's not my twin. I agree to the fact that we look alike and the resemblance might even be more than a coincidence, but, Samantha is dead."

"Please calm down."

"Just give me a second."

I sniffed and didn't bother to wipe the tears streaming down my face. My reaction might have shocked Desmond but it shocked me more. The normal thing anyone would have done was to be glad that someone who might probably be their twin was alive. But I couldn't bring myself to do that. I didn't understand why my heart was filled with so much heaviness. I didn't understand why I felt so sure she was not my sister even in the face of evidence. I didn't even understand anything. My mind was so clouded the only thing I understood was my need for sleep.

"Are you fine?"

"Yes. I think I should be able to stand on my own now."

"I'm sorry." Tirzah muttered.

I threw a surprised glance at Desmond before turning to her. "Why are you sorry?"

"I was the one who forced Des to bring me here."

My brows rose at her calling him Des but I chose to ignore it. Who knew Desmond had a nickname?

"I just felt like seeing you and that desire overrode my thinking. I didn't pause to think of how you would feel about it. Des actually tried convincing me to give you more time but I wouldn't budge. I just wanted to confirm his claims."

"Have you?"

She shrugged. "I don't know. The girls in the picture sort of looked like me when I was around their age but the earliest memories I had of my childhood was growing up in an orphanage. The matron told me my mother died and my father left me with her while promising to come back for me and I believed her. It took another ten years for me to realize my father was never going to come back."

"I'm sorry."

"Don't be. How did your twin sister die?"

"Samantha's body was found in a well several days after she went missing."

"Did they find the person who did it?"

"No. The police investigation was inconclusive. At least that was what I was told. We rarely talk about it now."

She nodded.

"Desmond, I know we'll have to tell my parents about this but it can't be tonight or even tomorrow. This is a lot to process and I need time to both think and decide what to do."

"Okay."

"I'll let you know my decision latest by tomorrow evening."

"I'm so sorry." Desmond whispered.

My chest tightened and I knew I had to escape before I broke down before them. "Good night Desmond. Good night Tirzah."

***

DESMOND

It was a dream but that did nothing to stem the increasing way my heart slammed against my chest at the thought of the next thing that was going to happen. I've been here several times and I knew this was the time I took Tirzah's innocence. Femi and Austin had gone to drag Tirzah from her room and had bundled her to Python's secret place as it was usually called. Maxwell who was also called Dagger by the group members had made sure I had sniffed more than my share of Coke. He must have sensed my attachment to her because he was bent on my getting high before she was brought to the place of five. The place of five was the centre of Python's secret place and that spot was not used until one of the group members or outsiders is to be disciplined. Tirzah's pleas had been drowned by the cheering of the group members and I doubted I would have paid attention to the way she felt even if I was not being hailed. At that moment, anger at the way she rejected and embarrassed me took over and I convinced myself she deserved what she was about to get. I tried to stop the younger me from touching her but he didn't listen. I tried to tell him he was about to hurt someone else but he seemed to not notice. I closed my eyes tightly as her clothes were being ripped off. I needed a way out. I needed to leave this place. I needed this to stop.

"Please help me!"

My own voice jerked me out of sleep and I panted heavily as I tried to remember where I was. I squinted at the clock above my bed and saw that it was only five minutes past two in the morning. Heaviness crawled over my heart as my mind replayed the nightmare over and over. Liz had told me I was reliving the experience because I hadn't forgiven myself and I had tried to. Nothing I did was working. Even therapy didn't work. A quote I heard somewhere about turning to Jesus when every other thing failed flashed through my mind. I sighed as I thought of the many times I had asked God to help me. The many times I had asked him to take away the nightmares.

"I never fail those who trust in me."

I sat still as those words permeated my heart. I knew beyond doubt that was his voice but I wondered what he meant by that. Was he trying to say it was my fault for not trusting in him? Or was he trying to say I didn't trust him enough? But then it dawned on me. He was not trying to say I didn't trust him. He was trying to get me to realize that he never fails those who trust in him. Even if it seemed like things were not working and in this case – even if it seemed the nightmares were getting worse, he wanted me to know that once I had my trust in him, he would not fail me. Joy broke out of me and I literally felt something shatter in my heart. I wanted to scream out the fact that since I trusted in him, I was completely free. And not only that, he actually answered me even when I failed to realize it. He already did something about the nightmares. I smiled as the exact thing he did became clearer.

***

LIZ

Somebody was in my room. I lay quietly as I tried to remember if I had locked the door before going to bed. Seeing Desmond and Tirzah last night had shaken me to the roots and it was not surprising I forgot to do something that was already a habit. I contemplated letting whoever it was know I was awake or keeping up the pretence. I didn't have to think for long as the decision was made for me.

"Liz, are you awake?"

"Yes."

"I wanted to check on you because I noticed you had visitors last night."

"I'm alright Mum."

"Okay then."

"Mum."

"Yes."

I sat up and switched on the light. "What really happened to Samantha?"

Mum stared at me speechlessly.

"Please I need to know."

"Does this have anything to do with the person you saw last night?"

"This has nothing to do with anybody. This is me wanting to know the truth about my twin sister. I just want; no, I need to know the truth."

"Okay. What do you want to know?"

"Everything there is to know. I believe I can handle whatever it is you want to say."

"Okay. Shortly after your fourth birthday, I went out with your father and on getting back we discovered Sam was missing." She smiled. "I've missed calling her Sam you know."

"I know."

"Our neighbour who offered to watch Edward, you and Sam said she didn't notice her slipping away. Neither you nor Edward knew where she was. We didn't give it much thought because we were used to her slipping off to play on her own. We started getting worried when she didn't come home that day and the next day and the day after. After several days, her body was found in a well in our neighbourhood and a man claimed to have seen a man by that well the evening she got missing. The police investigated but couldn't come up with anything. I believe that is all you know about the incident."

"Yes."

"You must know that if your father and I ever hid anything from you, it was to protect you. We didn't want you growing up with resentment towards the people responsible and even God. We would have told you if Edward didn't react the way he did after he knew the truth."

"What do you mean?"

"You have to know that we also didn't know what really happened that day until eight years after the incident. Getting to know was quite hard for me because I was nursing Jenny, and you and Edward were teenagers who were trying to find their way. We thought telling Edward the truth would make telling you the truth easier but our sixteen-year-old boy only grew to blame and hate God."

I frowned. "I never noticed that."

"I know you didn't. But there was a time when Edward brought us a lot of pain. We got to know that my twin's husband was responsible for Sam's death and we made the mistake of telling him almost immediately."

I gasped. "Uncle Mathew killed Sam?"

"Yes."

"Why would he do that?" I cried.

"My twin sister Taiwo left him two years after their wedding because he beats her whenever he gets drunk, which was all the time. I was the one who advised her to leave him when she got pregnant with her second child. She died while giving birth and that made Mathew very angry with me. He vowed to make me feel the pain he felt and I must confess that I felt it."

"That is so unfair."

"Yes, it is. Edward wondered why God didn't save Sam and that made him turn against him."

I sniffed.

"God is good Liz. And he is the one who causes evil. We mostly blame God for things he didn't do. God was not responsible for Sam's death. The wicked heart of man and my carelessness was."

"I wish she is still with us." I sobbed.

"I know."

"Where is Uncle Mathew now?"

"He died in a club fight. We didn't get to know about what he did until he died. We got a letter which he specifically stated was to be posted to me after he died. It's funny how he even got to know our new address."

"Does that mean he had been stalking us?"

Mum shrugged. "Only God knows if he had planned on doing something else. All I know is, it didn't work out. I've been looking for his daughter for several years but I'm yet to find her."

I blinked. "Aunty Taiwo had a daughter?"

She smiled. "Yes. You might not have remembered because you were young but Tirzah is only about a year older than you."

"Tirzah?"

"Yes. What's wrong?"

"Did you say she is Aunty Taiwo's daughter?"

She hesitated. "Yes. Can you remember her?"

"Mum, it's more than that. I've met her."

***

DESMOND

I released a breath for what seemed to be the umpteenth time as I waited for Tirzah to join me. Thirty minutes ago when I was in her room she had told me she was almost done. Thirty minutes after I was still waiting. I had tried avoiding this by telling her Liz's mum was interested in seeing her the moment I received Liz's call but even that had not been enough to make her prepared to leave on time. It's been three days since she got to know and I believed she should have been ready by now even if her cloth was imported from Mars. That was an exaggeration but I didn't understand the reason ladies – my sisters inclusive – take pleasure in keeping men waiting. The plan was to leave home by eight in the morning and Tirzah was yet to show her face by eight-thirty. I think I would need to add punctuality to my list of wifely qualities. The way ladies keep you waiting and tell you they took so long because they didn't keep an eye on the time never ceased to baffle me. They might not necessarily put it that way but it always boils down to the same thing. If they ask me, I would tell them to set an alarm. Why should they try to keep an eye on time when they can set an alarm? They couldn't remember their watch even if they wanted to. Not with all the moulding and caking they do on their face

Tirzah rushed out of the house. "I'm sorry Des. I totally lost track of time."

I knew it. She eyed her reflection critically before snapping her compact powder shut. Another thing that amazes me was how women liked checking their reflection. As much as I notice little things about their appearance, the things they fidget about were almost always inconsequential to me.

"I didn't plan on taking so much time. The cloth I picked last night didn't fit as well as I would love it to, so, I had to change it."

"Can we leave now?"

She puckered her lips. "You didn't even comment on my appearance?"

"Please forgive me. It slipped my mind." That was partially true since I had been totally focused on getting us to Liz's place. "You know you always look beautiful."

If I didn't know better, I would have said she blushed. But the satisfied look on her face told me the compliment hit its mark. Not like I had any target in mind anyway.

***

I flashed a soothing smile at Tirzah the moment I pulled into Liz's driveway. Whoever said guys rarely got nervous must have told a lie. I would have thought my shirt grew tighter within the time it took for me to drive from my house to Liz's if I didn't know better. My heart sent up silent prayers for reasons I couldn't identify. The fact that I had no idea of what was coming made Tirzah's constant questions bothersome. At that moment, I was glad I was not married. If all ladies were like her, then guys would have to think twice before saying I do.

"Do you really have no idea about why we're here?"

My smile grew strained. "They might have discovered you are their daughter. I'm sure Liz will be glad to know her twin sis is still alive."

"Don't be dramatic Des. You can't be sure."

It was on the tip of my tongue to tell her she should have stopped asking me questions since she knew I didn't have an answer for them.

"Do you think she'll like me?"

I hopped out of the car and inhaled deeply.

"Don't do that to me Des?"

"Do what?"

"That look. You release your breath that way whenever you're getting riled up. We can't afford for you to be impatient with me at a time like this."

"Of course we can't." I murmured. "Yes, I think she'll like you."

"Are you sure?"

I groaned inwardly. "Yes. Let's go in, Tirzah. I'm sure they're expecting us."

I almost let out a sigh of relief when she nodded and walked ahead of me to the door.

*=*=*=*

CHAPTER FIVE

LIZ

I stood still as I allowed the cool water run all over me. The knowledge of Desmond's arrival had not been expected but I knew it was true anyway. My mind conjured several pictures of what the day would bring but none was enough to dampen the calmness I felt. I stepped out of the tub and wiped myself dry. Events like this were only supposed to happen in movies. If I wasn't currently going through it, I would have doubted it. I went through the motion of dressing and stopped when I realized I was spending more time on my face than usual. I never wore makeup at home. I hummed a song as I made my way to the sitting room. A brief glance at Tirzah made me glad I had gone through the stress of dressing up. She looked like a model featuring on the front page of a glamorous magazine. I bit my lips as I realized how useless my train of thoughts was. I placed a smile on my face as Desmond rose to acknowledge me. That guy was a complete gentleman.

"You look good."

"Thank you."

I carefully chose my seat. "Thanks for coming, Tirzah."

Tirzah smiled and her face grew even more beautiful. "I should be the one thanking you." She lowered her voice. "This is the first time Desmond will go anywhere with me since I got here. He doesn't cease to act like a caveman. Sometimes, I doubt he is as refined as others say."

I laughed in spite of myself. "That's funny."

"I'm telling you. You can ask him yourself."

"Ask me what?" Desmond smiled and his dimple looked larger than it was the last time I saw it.

"Tirzah was just telling me how much of a caveman you are."

"Tiirrzzzaaahhh." He groaned.

"And I think I believe her."

"You can't possibly believe something like that. Why did she call me a caveman this time?"

"You sound like she has called you that before."

He smiled but it looked strained. Something about what I said bothered him but I couldn't figure it out. Even the look on Tirzah's face sent me wondering. I would have probed further but Mum and Dad chose that moment to join us. My heart squeezed a little with disappointment at Edwards inability to join us. He had sent Audrey in his stead and I knew that was his way of showing his regret. I glanced towards the hallway and listened for Audrey and Jenny's footsteps. Audrey had insisted on passing the night in Jenny's room and I had allowed it because I thought she would be able to hurry Jenny up. I guess I was wrong. A smile escaped my lips at the thought of those two still sleeping. I knew that was almost impossible since Audrey was a morning bird but the thought didn't fail to tickle me.

"What's so funny, Liz?" Dad asked.

"Nothing."

Mum hesitated the moment she saw Tirzah and I imagined her shock at seeing her twin sister's daughter right there in her sitting room. She disguised her feeling by pretending to search for something on her phone. I had to tell her that method was weird for people of her generation.

Desmond stood. "Good morning Mr and Mrs Rematrin."

His stiff posture more than got to me. This was a day I would never forget. The fact that Desmond was feeling nervous was so hilarious I chuckled under my breath.

"And you are Desmond." Dad noted.

"Yes sir."

"And that means this is Tirzah."

Tirzah bent her knees in a motion of greeting. "Good morning Sir." She locked eyes with Mum. "Good morning ma."

Mum's throat bubbled and her eyes glistened with tears. She gave a brief nod and sat on the sofa opposite Desmond. Dad joined her and he must have sensed how she felt because he threw his arm over her shoulder. Mum whispered something into Dad's ear and the doubt mirrored on his face got me on edge.

"I would love to see Desmond and Tirzah alone." Mum announced.

My brows raised and I understood why Dad doubted her decision. The mere sight of Tirzah had gotten her emotional. Being alone with Desmond and Tirzah wouldn't make things better.

"Are you sure about that, Mum?"

The finality in her gaze silenced any other question I had and I immediately left for Jenny's room. A little part of me resented not being a part of the conversation because I knew as much as she that Dad was not going to leave the room. She might have as well told me to leave. A thought occurred to me as I got in front of Jenny's door. I opened it with more force than was necessary as I felt the urge to immediately confirm my suspicion. I saw Audrey and Jenny reading a book which was – very weird considering the fact that Jenny never reads anything that is not school-related. I would have to ask Audrey how she got Jenny interested in a book that had nothing to do with school.

"This is impressive."

They both looked up and Jenny's expression turned guilty the moment she saw me. Jenny knew she had no cause to feel embarrassed at my seeing her reading; except she was feeling that way for an entirely different reason.

"How did the meeting go?" Audrey asked.

"I got kicked out."

She smiled. "I thought as much."

"You know I was wondering."

"Wondering about?"

I shrugged. "I was wondering if Mum asked you and Jenny not to show up this morning."

"Yes, she did. You should have seen how angry I was. To have her destroy my plans after getting everything ready was more than I could bear."

"Audrey, what is she talking about?"

"She was planning on recording the conversation and capturing expressions."

"That is wrong, Jenny."

"Stop being a spoil-joy, Liz. I was basically planning on capturing the secret glances Desmond sends your way and your reactions in order to blackmail you with them when the time is right."

"What?"

Jenny shrugged nonchalantly and Audrey covered her smile with the book she was pretending to read.

"What are you talking about, Jenny?"

"I like the way you call my name." She smiled.

"Please, I'm not in the mood for one of your jokes this morning. What did you mean by secret glances and my reactions?"

She frowned. "Didn't you know about it?"

"Know about what?"

She picked her phone and started scrolling through it. "Wait a second. I have to show you something."

She handed me her phone and I gasped. Desmond had kept in touch with Jenny and they had been talking. About me!

"I can't believe this."

She collected her phone from me and giggled. "Desmond is my friend and I like him."

"Obviously you do. Seeing the way you basically listed out my faults for him."

"I thought he should know if he planned to be with you. I love you a lot and I want you to be with a guy who deserves you. Not someone who will leave you once he knows your food gets salty if you get nervous or angry while cooking it."

I rolled my eyes. "I appreciate your intention and love you too but I definitely do not appreciate you talking about me to a guy that has not yet declared his interest in me."

She raised her brow. "He hasn't?"

"You should know the answer to that question since you guys talk a lot."

"We don't talk everyday, Liz. Only when I have a gist for him or when he has one for me."

"And the gist always centres on me."

She paused. "Mostly, but not always."

"What's the difference? It sure looks like I am the only topic you guys ever talk about."

"That's the point. It's not true. For example, I know he has a daughter he didn't give birth to or adopt."

"What?"

Jenny's eyes grew wide. "Nothing. I think he will show his interest in you soon."

"What else are you hiding from me, Jenny Rematrin?"

"Nothing." She frowned. "Give this girl her privacy."

Audrey and I laughed at her serious tone. She was asking for something I knew she had never given anyone in the family. Privacy.

***

DESMOND

It was three days since the meeting. Three days since I saw Liz. Three days since Tirzah left on a trip to confirm what Mrs Rematrin said. Three days since I talked to Jenny. And three days since I left my room. Lolade had tried all she could to get me out of the room but nothing she did could change my mind. I didn't feel like going anywhere and like I told her, the advantage of being your own boss is that when needed, work can wait. More so, I needed the quietness. When Mrs Rematrin told us Tirzah was not her daughter but her twin sister's, I had felt a punch to the gut. Even Tirzah had made things worse when she told Mr and Mrs Rematrin we were leaving together and that we had a daughter. True, we live together but we definitely do not have a daughter – together. My mind flashed back to the conversation we had the first day Marian called me Daddy.

"How could you possibly lie to your own daughter about who her father is?"

"I'm sorry, Des. I didn't want Marian to live the same way I did. The memory I have of my Dad is very faint and I can't even remember a time when I lived with a family. The closest I've had to a mother and a father were the nuns at the orphanage home."

"That is still not enough reason for you to do that. You lied to that girl and you're giving me a responsibility that's not mine."

Her face darkened. "Is that what this is all about? Is the added responsibility what you're trying to avoid?"

"Don't turn this into something else. You know I have no issues taking responsibility for Marian but you can't possibly tell that girl I'm her father when I'm not. Didn't you think about it? How could you do something like that?"

"Are you trying to say she's not good enough for you?"

"Tirzah, please stop getting defensive. I know I made a mistake several years ago and I'm doing all I can to amend that. If you choose to sue me to court today I am more than willing to bear the consequences. I just don't understand why you told her I am her father when we both know I am not. I can't even start to imagine what she must think of me. What sort of a father would refuse to see his own daughter?"

Her shoulder shuddered as tears rolled down her eyes. As much as I regretted my past actions, I couldn't continue paying for them.

"Please Desmond, Marian needs a Father. I didn't want her to go through the stigma of growing up without a father. I promise to tell her the truth when she's older. Just do this for me and her. You can even adopt her if you want."

"I can't do that."

"Why?"

"I'll get married someday. And I don't think my wife would appreciate me adopting the daughter of a woman I've had a history with. Since it will be joint custody, I don't want to put stress on the marriage I've not even started."

"Oh... Do you have a lady in mind?"

I shrugged, deftly avoiding her question.

"Do you?"

The look in her eyes told me all I needed to know but Tirzah and I could not get married. Apart from the fact that we had different beliefs, I saw her as nothing more than a friend. I thought of ways to tell her the truth without causing her more pain and I could think of none. I might as well accept her request in order to end the conversation.

"Marian can call me Dad and I will try as much as possible to treat her as my daughter. But you have to tell her the truth when she's older or I will. And if my wife wants us to tell her the truth sooner, we will do just that. Also, we won't be talking about adoption again. I love Marian a lot but I can't hurt my family."

Tirzah's crestfallen face told me she got the subtle message. We were not going to happen!

Now, I was regretting the whole thing. I should have insisted on telling Marian the truth. It would have avoided the disappointment on Mrs Rematrin's face when she grasped the meaning in Tirzah's. She didn't know a thing about Tirzah and that could only mean that she concluded wrongly. What sort of mother would want his daughter to be with a man who is holding on to and living with the mother of his daughter? A song by Don Moen floated through my mind and I felt better as I sang aloud.

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him and he shall direct, and he shall direct your paths. He will not allow your foot..."

"You sound better than the last time I heard you sing."

My head jerked up. "And you've not stopped sneaking up on people. When did you get here?"

"Sometimes ago."

"I didn't hear you come in."

"You couldn't have. Not with the way your brows was furrowed in concentration. I would have thought you were sleeping but for the seriousness on your face. Don't tell me you missed me so much you didn't want to leave your bed."

"Don't flatter yourself, Tirzah."

"Lolade says otherwise. She told me you've spent the past few days in your room. She sounded really concerned."

"Not leaving my room is not the same as not leaving my bed. Plus, my room is spacious and has all I need."

She nodded as she cast a glance around. "I was wondering why you decided to make your room this big. How do you feel comfortable living in a room that is as big as some people's houses?"

"To start with I didn't build the house, I bought it. And as to how I feel comfortable, I don't know. I just feel comfortable."

She sat by my nightstand which was a way of telling me we had a lot to talk about. Unfortunately, the last thing I wanted to do at the moment was talk.

"I found out about my Dad." She dragged in a breath. "Mrs Rematrin was right. My mum was her twin sister and she died while given birth to her second child. Dad went a little crazy after that and..." She shrugged. "That's that about that."

"What about what she said about your Dad and Liz's sister?"

"Nobody I asked knew about the incident. Not the nun at the orphanage home nor the people who Mrs Rematrin claimed were our neighbours when Mum and Dad were still together. If what she said was true, then very few people know about it."

"Okay."

"What?"

"Nothing."

"What do you mean by nothing? Something is definitely wrong with you."

"Let's not do this Tirzah. I've decided to let the Lord take care of it."

"I still want to know about it."

"Fine. Why did you tell Liz's parents we live together?"

She frowned. "Don't we?"

"Please try not to answer my question with a question."

"But we live together."

"Yes, we do. Just not in the sense you were trying to portray."

"What was I trying to portray?"

"Don't play the innocence game with me Tirzah. You told them we have a daughter which is not true. Yes, Marian calls me Dad but she is not my daughter in the real sense of things."

Her lips quivered. "You're hurting me."

I sighed and walked towards the door. "I've had enough, Tirzah. If you have to keep deceiving everybody then I would have no choice but to move away."

"I've deceived nobody."

"Yes, you have. How am I sure you're not hiding something else from me?"

"I'm not hiding anything from you."

I pulled in a shaky breath. "Please give me a break. I can't live like this anymore. I can't keep living in the shadows of my past."

"Where are you going?"

"I don't know but it's somewhere far from here. Somewhere I can be alone."

"I'm sorry, Des." She whispered.

"I'm also sorry. I just can't do this anymore."

*=*=*=*

CHAPTER SIX

DESMOND

I knocked the lampstand over in a feeble attempt to pick up my phone. I prayed whoever it was had a good enough reason to call so late in the night. I had spent my whole day thinking and meditating on the goodness of God. The peace in my heart was more than I had felt in a long time. I smiled as I remembered Lolade's reaction when I called to tell her she was free to return to her house whenever she wanted to. She had insisted on staying until Tirzah returns to Ghana or gets a place of her own. That upright sister of mine.

"Hello."

"Hello, Desmond."

My face lit up at the sound of her voice. She was the last person I would have expected to call me.

"Did I wake you?"

"Urh... No... Yes."

"Oops. Tirzah called me and told me some things so I thought I should talk to you. I was only going to call you once and try again in the morning if it doesn't go through."

"Don't beat yourself up. It's really fine."

There was silence on her end and I felt she was pondering on what to say next. The next few minutes felt like hours but I was determined to wait it out.

"Tirzah told me about you two."

My senses stood on alert.

"And she also told me about Marian."

"Oookay."

"I just thought I should let you know."

"What exactly did she tell you?"

"She told me you are not Marian's father and that you allowed her to call you Dad in order to protect her."

'Thank you Lord.' I murmured silently.

"And I wanted to apologize."

"What did you do?"

"No, the apology is for what I didn't do. Tirzah is part of my family and the least I could have done was to keep in touch with her."

So this was about Tirzah, I noted with disappointment. "There's still time to make things right. It's not even up to a week since we came to your house."

"I know but that's not even the point. I want you to know that I understand if you decide to end up with her. I don't want you to feel any of us have an issue with you two being together. Mum understands as much as I do. Even Jenny will finally get used to it if you and Tirzah finally become an item."

I chuckled at Liz's mention of her mischievous sister. Liz knew as much as I that Jenny would have a problem with it and she would do nothing to hide it. Liz was not trying to cover up that fact; instead, she had opted for her getting used to the idea.

"I saw your chats with Jenny."

My lips curled up. "So she finally showed you?"

"Yes. I must say that I'm flattered by the amount of time you two dedicate to talking about me." She paused. "The only problem is that Jenny might start having ideas. In fact, I was having ideas until Mum told me about you and Tirzah. I confess that I felt hurt because you didn't tell me anything about it. The truth is that I don't want you to hurt my sister by consciously or unconsciously planting wrong ideas in her mind. Jenny has been defending you since you guys left and I can't get her to stop saying you would confess your feelings for me."

"I guess she's correct."

"Sorry?"

"I said she's correct."

She paused for several moments. "See Desmond, I'm trying to have a sincere and straightforward conversation with you and I don't think I appreciate jokes or any form of teasing at a time like this."

"Do I sound like I'm joking or teasing to you?"

"I don't know." She whispered.

"In that case, I'm glad to tell you I was not joking and neither was I teasing you. Jenny is a go-getter and she wouldn't stop until she makes me confess my feelings for you. Of course, I told her I wouldn't pursue you until I was sure you're the woman I want to marry."

"Okay."

"Won't you ask me what the answer is?"

"I figured you would tell me."

I smiled. "You figured right. You're the woman I want to marry Liz. Seeing you makes me happy and so does talking to you. I like you everything about you and I would love nothing more than to be in a relationship with you." I laughed at her sharp intake of breath. "This is not me proposing and neither am I asking you out. I'm just confessing my feelings for you."

"What am I supposed to do if you're not asking me out?"

I laughed. "I'll ask you out but not over the phone. I want to lay a good legacy for our children." Did I just say that? "It wouldn't be fair to them if I can't tell them the expression you had when I asked you to be the sun to my earth."

She laughed. "The sun to your earth indeed."

"Or do you prefer the oxygen in my atmosphere."

"Go joor."

"Do you have plans for tomorrow?"

"What time do you have in mind?"

"Five pm or so."

"No, I don't."

"That's awesome. Is there a place you would love us to meet?"

"It depends."

"On?"

"You know what, why not choose a place instead."

"Okay. How about the place we first met?"

She laughed. "I was also thinking the same but I didn't want to be too forward."

"We have a date then."

"I guess we do. Good night, Des."

I smiled at her use of my nickname. I could stake anything on the fact that she was not even conscious of it. "Good night, Sweet."

***

LIZ

The reason I didn't tell anyone about our conversation was simple. I had wrapped the whole conversation up and dumped it at the rear of my mind. I would have been on my way to the date if I had not received the unplanned call from Edward. Audrey had fainted and they had recently just gotten to know about her pregnancy. Sitting by her bedside and watching her pale face, a part of me screamed at how unfair this was to the person who was going to be stood up if I didn't call him as soon as possible. I pursed my lips. I knew the reason I didn't want to call him. I wanted to see him, today. Okay, maybe that was taking things too far. I wanted to hear the plan he had for us and maybe, see him.

"Hey." Audrey whispered.

"Hey."

"Have you been here for long?"

"If forty-five minutes is a long time then I have."

"I didn't even know."

I smiled and held her dangling hand. "You were asleep when I came in. Edward didn't want you to be alone so I offered to stay with you since he had to go get some of your stuff."

"What would I need them for?"

"The doctor attending to you thinks you need rest and Edward was more than willing to have you stay here for as long as is needed."

"But that is not necessary." She groaned.

"The doctor said almost the same thing. Although, you will need to spend the night here and so you'll still need a few things."

"This place is suffocating enough without having Edward breathing down my neck. When will I be discharged?"

"Tomorrow morning."

She raised a hand to her head. "What happened to me?"

"Whoa. You can't remember?"

"Not really. The only thing I remembered was that the whole room went dark and then I woke up here. I tried asking my loving husband what happened and the only thing he did was to coax me back to sleep. I figured I won't get him to talk until he was ready."

I smiled. "I can imagine. Actually, Edward told me the doctor thinks your fainting was as a result a drop in your blood pressure coupled with exerting yourself than you should have."

"Low blood pressure?"

"It's nothing to worry about. Pregnancy leads to the release of hormones that relax your blood vessel which sometimes leads to too little blood being pumped into the brain."

"No wonder I get dizzy. I know its normal for pregnant women to get dizzy but I didn't know the science behind it."

"Now you know."

"Whoever gets married to you is seriously a blessed man."

"I know right."

We both smiled and my mind chose that moment to return to Desmond. I discreetly glanced at my wristwatch and was amazed when I saw that it was eighteen minutes to five. That meant I had to call Desmond immediately if I hoped to reduce the disappointment he would feel at my absence. Deciding to leave Audrey was not an option at the moment and even if I chose to, the traffic in Lagos was discouraging. I murmured an excuse to Audrey and walked out of the wardroom before dialling his number. Audrey was very good at sensing things and the distance between her ward and the waiting room would give me enough time to compose myself in a case Desmond took things badly. Plus, I didn't want her to feel like a burden to me in any way.

"Don't tell me you're already there, Liz."

"You sure have a funny way of saying hello."

He laughed. "My bad. Good evening, Miss Rematrin."

"Good evening, Mr Falade. How was your day?"

"My day was filled with thoughts."

"What kind of thoughts if I may ask?"

"Yes, you may ask."

I rolled my eyes. "I already did."

"No, not that way. Ask me like you really want to know."

I smiled and chose to savour the ease in our conversation before dropping the bomb on him. "Okay, Mr Falade."

"Don't Mr Falade me. How am I supposed to tell you my mind was filled with thoughts of you when you're calling me in a way that sounds like I'm old enough to be your father?"

"You're supposed to say it anyway. It makes it more fun."

"Don't worry, I will. Traffic is really heavy around here. I should have been there by now."

I sighed. "That's the reason I called you."

"Sorry, I didn't get that. The signal here is acting up."

"I said that is the reason I called."

"Really?"

"Yes. I wanted to tell you I can't make it."

There was silence from his end and I almost thought he had disconnected when his voice came through. "I sort of expected that."

I paused. What was he talking about?

"Hey, are you still there?"

"Yes, I'm here."

"Don't get me wrong. I'm not trying to say I was looking forward to being stood up or anything like that. I just sort of knew today wouldn't work."

"Okay. I was starting to feel bad especially when you kept quiet for that long."

"Please don't mind me. My heart was a little disappointed since he won't get to see your beautiful face."

"I see."

"Did something happen to change your mind?"

"Yes. Audrey fainted and Edward needed someone to stay with her at the hospital since he had to get some things for her."

"Eehyah. That must have been quite unexpected."

"It sure was."

"How is she feeling now?"

"She is fine. I left her some minutes ago."

"Now that I know your sister-in-law is alright and that you didn't back out of seeing me because you dislike seeing my face, I would have to ask you to give me a time when we can see."

"You know that was a bit presumptuous."

"What was?"

"Saying I dislike seeing your face. Even if I intentionally didn't want to see you, disliking your presence or the sight of you is not a reason you'll have to worry about."

"Am I hearing a little crush on my looks there?"

My face lit up. "Think whatever you want. I'm only responsible for my words and not the interpretation you give them. And as for us seeing each other, please send me your address. Since going out didn't work this time, visiting you will have to do."

"Okay." He drawled. "I will."

"Alright then. Take care."

"Yeah, I will. Just don't forget to think of this person who does not fail to carry you in his heart."

I laughed. "I'll see what I can do."

I pondered on my asking him for his address on my way back to Audrey's ward. Was that being too forward? I had only known him for a while but I wondered if I knew him enough to pay him a visit. Of course, I did. I even knew the secrets he held so close to his heart it gave him nightmares. I smiled at Audrey as I a question popped in my mind. Were the nightmares gone or were they only subsided?

***

DESMOND

I took another glance at the shoes before opening the door. Lolade had texted earlier to inform me she had taken her kids home to spend the night and wouldn't be back till the next morning. The text would have been enough reason for me to run for cover at the hotel if my mind had not been filled with thoughts of getting Marian a gift. The desire to get her a gift was only rivalled by my thoughts of Liz. I knew she liked blue but I wondered if I got the correct shade. The saleswoman had insisted that most girls Marian's age loved this type of shoes and that had been an initial turnoff. If Marian was anything like me, she wouldn't like it if most people did. But then, there were times when I liked things most people liked. Liz was perfect proof of that. I tiptoed when I heard muffled voices coming from what had been turned to the children's room.

"That was only your imagination, Marian."

"It's real, Mummy."

Tirzah stiffened. "He really told you to tell me that?"

"Yes. And he said he's been waiting so long for you. What does that mean?"

"That means everything." Tirzah replied thoughtfully. "Come here child. Momma needs a hug."

Tirzah cradled Marian in her arms and I stood dumbfounded. Seeing them this way opened up something in me and I desired to see it again. Only this time, it would be Liz hugging our daughter. My heart was filled with gratefulness for Tirzah and Liz, and also for myself and what the future held in stock. To say God had been working behind the scene was an understatement. He was obviously making everything beautiful in its time.

"Marian dear."

"Yes."

"Do you have any idea on how Mummy can talk to Jesus?"

Marian pulled out of Tirzah's embrace and stared doe-eyed at her. "Just talk to him like you're talking to me now."

"I know I have a very intelligent daughter and that is why I want her to give me a line I can use in starting the conversation. You know it's been a while since Mummy talked to Him."

Marian pulled her brows together in thoughtful concentration and I would have captured the moment if I wasn't guilty of not leaving the moment I realized the conversation was a private one.

"I'm waiting."

"Mummy."

"Yes."

"Come closer. I want you to be the only person to hear it. I want us to surprise Jesus."

I clamped my hand over my lips as laughter threatened to burst out of my throat. To think Marian wanted to surprise Jesus.

"Okay."

She lowered her voice into what she thought was a whisper but was still audible enough for me to hear. "You can start by thanking him for my shoes."

Tirzah frowned. "What shoes?"

"Shush Mummy. Your voice is loud."

"Sorry. What shoes are you talking about?" Tirzah whispered.

"I asked him for new shoes."

I sucked in a breath as I stared at the package in my hands. No wonder I couldn't resist the thought of getting her a gift. I shook my head in amazement. My meeting with Liz had been postponed and my whole schedule had been rearranged because the Lord wanted to answer the prayer of a little girl who trusted him. Better still, the Lord made use of the cancelled meeting to answer the prayer of a little girl. Either way, her prayer got answered. And I was so sure it would still have gotten answered if my date with Liz held.

"Don't be childish, Marian. Jesus does not involve himself with stuff like that."

"Maybe he does." I said without thinking.

Both Tirzah and Marian stared at me and I could almost see the wheels in Tirzah's mind turning as she tried to figure out how much of their conversation I overhead. I hoped she wouldn't swallow me when she discovers it was almost all. The thought brought a smile to my face and I quickly wiped it before Tirzah could read meaning into it.

"I can see you had a nice time with Liz."

"How did you know about my meeting with her?"

"I called her this morning and we sort of talked about it. You have nothing to worry about Des."

"I know."

"I can see you trust her."

"I've never thought about it but I think I do. Does it bother you?"

"Not one bit. So how was it?"

"Actually, I didn't get to see her."

"Why?"

I shrugged. "Ask Marian."

"What has Marian got to do with anything?"

I held out the parcel in my hands to her and watched as shock crawled up her face.

"This is just a coincidence." She murmured.

"You can take it as that or you can take it as God answers prayers."

She held my gaze for several seconds and it was difficult for me to know what she was thinking. Before I could ask her about it, she turned to Marian.

"It seems Des got you your pair of shoes."

She clasped her hands in delight. "Mummy, will you wear it for me?"

"I'm sorry sweet but Mummy has to attend to some things. Maybe Des will be interested in doing that."

"Of course I am. Just go ahead with whatever it is you want to do."

Tirzah avoided eye contact as she handed me the shoes. I knew I saw tears shimmering on her lashes but I overlooked it.

"What do you think about us going on a date after we put on your shoe?" I asked Marian who seemed not to have noticed her mother's sudden exit.

"Will I get to eat ice-cream?"

"Of course."

"Can we go now?"

I grinned. "What about your shoe?"

"I'll wear it when we're back."

I smiled as Marian hurriedly went back to pick her shoes even after telling me she will wear it later. Trying to convince her to drop the shoe at home was useless. What is life without the simplicity of a child?

*=*=*=*

CHAPTER SEVEN

LIZ

I flashed a contented smile at my last client for the day before collapsing on the chair. A major part of me felt cramped up and I imagined myself in a massage parlour. The thought of getting out the tension within my muscles sounded so pleasurable I could almost smell the massage oil on me. My door creaked open and I was about telling Jina to leave without me when I noticed she wasn't the one. I blinked rapidly to make sure I was seeing correctly. How on earth did she find this place?

"I'm not a ghost, Cousin."

Tirzah dropped her bag with a thud and sat before I could think of something to say.

"I know I should have called before coming. I just couldn't bear you summing up excuses not to see me."

"I wouldn't have done that."

Her eyes glittered. "How did you feel when I called you cousin?"

I shrugged. "It sounded strange coming from you but I didn't feel weird. You were more or less saying the fact."

"That's true."

"Do I have something to be afraid of?"

She laughed. "Not at all. I came because I needed your help."

"Now that is..."

"Strange?"

"No." I cleared my throat. "Surprising."

She nodded. "That's also true. I need your help as a friend. I know we're almost strangers but I'm not here because I want to have a session with you. I'm here because I carry a lot of hurt inside of me, and, I don't know who else to talk to."

"Okay. I'm all ears."

"I know you're probably asking yourself the reason I chose to talk to you instead of Desmond. The truth is, Desmond is a major part of the problem. Telling him would open me up to more hurt. He is the last person I want to talk to about this."

"I understand you perfectly well Tirzah." I held her gaze. "This might sound weird but I'm glad you chose me. It's the least I can do for you."

She sighed. "I'm glad to hear that. Years ago, Desmond and I attended the same university and he took fancy to me at some point. I hated his guts at the time so I rejected him. I didn't have enough sense to do it privately and that got me into trouble with him and his gang. To cut the long story short, I was raped by him."

I acted shocked as I didn't want her knowing Desmond already told me about it. If he didn't deem it fit to let her know I knew about their past, I had enough sense to be the one to do so.

"His friends cheered him on and that was like fuel for his actions. After the incident, I felt like I was good for nothing." She sniffed. "The only thing I was grateful for was that he was reasonable enough to stop his friends from having their way with me."

"I'm sorry." I whispered.

She waved it off. "Three months later he came to my room soaked in tears."

"Oh."

"I was as surprised as you are but even more than that, I was scared. I had kept the incident to myself because of the stigma involved and due to the fact that I didn't want to become a topic for the whole school. Several girls who had accused Desmond and his friends of rape had been silenced and the only girl who went as far as suing them to court lost the case as a result of insufficient evidence. Desmond and his friends had some kind of influence in the school and people rarely wanted to hear something bad spoken about them."

"That's totally unfair."

"Yes. And it was more reason I wanted to take revenge on him. I wanted to hurt him the same way he hurt me. I wanted to make him pay for what they did."

I offered her my handkerchief as tears ran down her face. I couldn't pretend to know what she went through or what she was currently going through.

"Thank you." She murmured. "He came to my room that morning and asked me to forgive him. My imagination went on overdrive as I thought I had finally gotten a way to exact my revenge. I told him I had forgiven him and even gave him food to eat. I reassured him and told him I had decided to forget the past and so should he. I must confess that doing that was a grave mistake because it only made things worse."

"What do you mean?"

"He didn't have to but he took responsibility for me almost immediately. Most of my childhood and teenage years had been spent in an orphanage and I had been mostly detached from others because of my mood swings. Some of the nuns were strict with us and I was more than glad when I clocked eighteen. I got a job in a primary school and got admission into the university shortly after. I'm telling you all these so that you can know I was not used to living a life of luxury. Desmond placed me on a monthly allowance though we were both students and he has been consistent with it all through the years. The more I got closer to him, the more my resolve weakened. He never failed to show me how sorry he felt and he even went as far as renouncing the cult. I've never been a God person but he started taking God seriously and treated me better with each passing day. I know this might make you see me as a weak person but I soon forgot what he did to me."

She sobbed heavily and I wondered why. Did she regret not taking revenge on Desmond or did she regret forgetting about the pain she had felt? I walked over to her side and hugged her tightly until her tears abated.

"He got me a house in Ghana after I got pregnant with Marian but I didn't leave Nigeria until I gave birth to her. He didn't want me to deal with people's harsh opinion but I really didn't care." She shrugged. "I guess I already liked him enough to want to be by his side."

"What about Marian's father?"

"This is embarrassing for me to say but I became sexually insatiable after the incident with Desmond. You know I've never stopped wondering why Desmond refuses to sleep with me even after showing my interest several times." She curled her lips. "My life is so messed up."

My relief at knowing Desmond had not touched her since the incident took me by surprise. I smiled reassuringly at her as I took the focus off myself. "Are you trying to say you don't know who Marian's father is?"

"I should be able to figure him out if I really set my heart to it but I can't be sure. This is not something to be proud of especially when you have a little daughter who will soon clock four but I've been with a lot of men in my lifetime."

"Have you ever told Desmond how you really felt?"

"Have I ever told Desmond I was planning on castrating him or have I ever told him I was almost in love with him? No."

"I see."

"I'm sorry I'm dumping my garbage on you but I'm sure you now understand why it had to be you."

"I sure do. What do you want to do now?"

"I don't know. Marian told me something that shocked me yesterday and that was what triggered all this. She said Jesus told her to tell me he loves me and that he understands my pains. And she said something like he has been waiting so long for me. At first, I thought it was her imagination or something she watched but I couldn't deny the intensity with which she spoke. I was almost scared of staring into the eyes of my own child. She was sounding like some sort of sage."

"Wow."

"I was still trying to deal with that when Desmond brought in a pair of shoes at the same moment she was telling me she asked Jesus for new shoes. I felt so angry I started crying. Jesus could answer a prayer for new shoes and he did nothing when I was raped. He did nothing when my mother died. He did nothing when my father lost his mind. He did nothing when your sister lost her life in payment of something she knew nothing of. He did nothing!"

Despair settled over me and I was left tongue-tied. How do I explain the goodness of God to her? How do I even start to defend him? How do I tell her it's never his fault when evil happens? How do I tell her walking with him requires believing and trusting his words?

"Tirzah, I don't know what to say."

She sobbed. "Why didn't he stop it all from happening if he really loved me?"

My eyes smarted but I blinked back the tears. It wouldn't do if we both started sobbing.

"Please say something. Why didn't he do something when I was screaming for help?"

"I don't have all the answers Tirzah but I know he truly loves you. Maybe he will help you understand better if you ask him but I can't tell you why the rape happened. I can only tell you why all this is happening. He needed you to ask questions and seek him because that is when you'll find him. He needed you to move out of your comfort zone and desire something better. He needed you to face your past so you can heal."

I held my breath as I thought of the best way to continue without aggravating her tears. "Thank God you have seen a case of answered prayers so I won't need to convince you he delights in answering prayers. I know one thing for sure; he does not say the things he doesn't mean. If he said it, he meant it. And if he told your daughter to tell you he loves you and wants you, then he means it. The very fact that you have Marian is enough reason to believe in the goodness of God."

"But that does not explain why all those bad things happened."

"Let's do this then. What did you eat this morning?"

"Rice."

"Did God choose that for you?"

"No."

"Did he compel you to wear this dress?"

"No."

"That's the point, Tirzah. God doesn't make decisions for people. He can lead them and show them the right and best thing to do but they still have to choose to do it. God is never responsible for the wrong things men choose to do. They do those things because they want to; because of their nature. That is the reason men cannot truly do good in a way that pleases God without having his nature."

She frowned. "Don't we already have his nature?"

"True, but Daddy Adam sold out to the devil. He disobeyed God and sin through his disobedience became a nature for man. Death reigned through sin and that is why men cannot ordinarily please God. Now, this is where Jesus comes in. God in the form of the man Jesus was born by a virgin, died and rose on the third day. All it now takes for a man to have the nature of God is to believe Jesus came, died and rose up on the third day."

"That sounds too simple."

"Exactly. If it's too hard, then you should doubt if it's Him."

"Well, I already believe those things. What next?"

"Okay. Let's make things official. I know you are currently seeing the true state of your heart."

She sighed. "Yes, and hearing it doesn't make it easier."

I smiled. "Sincerely talk to him and ask him to forgive you. Invite him into your life as your Lord."

"Is that truly all I have to do?"

"Yes."

"Okay then. Give me a minute."

I nodded and turned before the first tear slipped down my face. My heart thumped with excitement as I knew Tirzah was going to enjoy knowing the Lord.

"Done."

"Welcome home, Sis."

"Liz?"

"Yeah."

"I was just wondering if I'll also be a fanatic now. You know all those Christians who act weird."

I smiled through my tears and her grin rivalled mine. "I guess not. Talking about Jesus is not weird. It's just like talking about someone who is your favourite. The only difference is that others might call you weird."

She rolled her eyes. "I knew it. But if that is what they call weird, I like it."

***

DESMOND

I pulled off my tie with more force than was necessary in an attempt to use up the energy surging through me. I couldn't figure out the reason I felt overly active and I doubted it had anything to do with the text I sent Liz or the reply I got. A pleasant aroma wafted through my nose and my eyes involuntarily closed as I inhaled the fragrance. It had been a while since Tirzah prepared a meal and the day must have been very good if she decided to cook. A gentle hum caught my ears and my senses went on alert. Tirzah never hums. There were only two options that could explain what was going on. Either Lolade was the one in the kitchen, which would be very strange since she was several miles away, or Tirzah bumped her head into something. Curiosity overwhelmed me and my legs took me to the kitchen before my mind could catch up. The sight before me further arose my curiosity but the desire to have a taste of the food she was dishing overrode the questions I had.

"Don't even think about it." She snapped.

My heart sank within me. "Why not?"

"I don't want you to ruin your appetite."

Really? "Since when did you start caring about my appetite?"

"Since the moment you crept up on me and stretched your hand towards the pot."

"You didn't even ask if I wanted to remove dirt from the lid."

She scoffed. "Des, we both know you were planning on taking a piece of meat after which you'll take another, then another."

"That's not cool."

"And what you were planning to do to the soup is also not cool."

"But the soup is meant to be eaten." I murmured.

"You know I can hear you right."

She made a funny face at me before humming another song I was quite familiar with. My brows rose of their own accord before I could act.

"What's up with your brows?"

"I didn't have anything to do with that. I guess my face is as surprised as I am at hearing you sing – hum I mean."

She turned towards me.

"Don't get me wrong. Seeing you this way is so surprising even my body cells are taking their time getting used to it."

"They might as well do that as soon as possible because there is more to come."

I opened my mouth but closed it back as my stomach rumbled uncomfortably. She smiled knowingly and motioned for me to seat at the mini dining set. I kept my lips tightly shut as my mouth increasingly watered. Tirzah was not going to let me forget if I happen to drool on myself. I wouldn't be surprised if she told my grandchildren about it.

"Do you want Garri or Àmàlà?"

"Àmàlà, please. Did you prepare both?"

"Yes." She shrugged. "Let's just say I'm in a very magnanimous mood today."

"Obviously you are."

I deeply inhaled the aroma of the soup before taking the first morsel. My stomach did all sorts of gymnastics and I wondered how I hadn't realized how hungry I was.

"Did you hear what I said?" Tirzah asked.

My hand stopped mid-air with what was my seventh or eighth morsel. "Were you talking to me?"

"Yes, I was."

"Sorry I... I was... you know."

She smiled. "You tell me. I don't know."

"Tirzah, you understand these things. My mind was totally on the food. What was it you were saying?"

"I was asking you if you noticed any difference in me."

"Of course, I did." I grinned. A large difference indeed.

"You didn't have to answer me so fast."

"I didn't mean to. Your question was something I already thought about. You cooked and... you were humming."

"Is that everything you can notice?"

"Yes. Is there something I should be concerned about?"

"No, there isn't. It's not like I'm about to blow you up or something. I just wanted to know because I feel so different inside."

"Okay."

"Are you not curious about what I meant when I said I feel so different inside?"

I shook my head. "I didn't see the need because you'll tell me even if I tell you I don't want to know."

"Then you're curious."

"Of course I am."

"I went to Liz's office today and we talked about a lot of things. To cut the long story short, I'm now a believer."

The soup went the wrong way and I almost choked. I coughed so hard it took a while before I could take a sip out of the cup of water she held to my lips.

"You did what?" I asked breathlessly.

"I accepted Jesus. Don't you like it?"

"Like it? I love it. Do you have an idea of how much I've prayed for this to happen? This is the most amazing news I've heard in a long time."

"Well, I sure feel like it's the most amazing thing that could happen to me in a lifetime."

"It is. It definitely is."

"I have something else to tell you but you have to promise me you won't get mad."

"I won't get mad."

"Do you remember the time you asked for my forgiveness after the rape?"

I nodded.

"I really didn't forgive you. I told you I forgave you so I could have access to you. My real intention was to castrate you."

I coughed repeatedly.

"Sorry. Should I get you..."

I raised my hand. "No, it's fine. Please continue with what you were saying."

"Are you sure?"

"Very sure."

"Okay. I was going to drug you and either severe or –"

"Haaa!"

She paused. "Are you really sure you want to hear this?"

"Definitely."

"I was going to either severe your manhood or..."

"Ha. Ha. Tiiirrrzzzaaaahhhh."

"Will you please listen to me?"

"Of course. Please continue."

"I planned on ..." She paused. "... doing those things to you but the desire to do them dwindled with time. And the more I got to know you, the more I liked you. The hatred I had for you dissolved but now, I realize that I never really got over it. Somewhere in the recess of my mind I still blamed you for all that happened. I blamed my hyperactive sex drive on you and even my getting pregnant with Marian. I had a lot to think about on the drive home from Liz's office and I see that I have blamed you for all my failures." She wiped her tears. "I'm sorry Desmond. I'm so sorry for taking you for granted all these years. I made you pay for your mistakes over and over again yet I was never satisfied. I felt... I subconsciously felt you deserved it which I'm now seeing to be a lie. I didn't know this before now but I can't keep treating you based on who you were. I'm really sorry Desmond. And if this means anything to you, I forgive you. You no longer need to do things for me or give in to my requests based on what happened that night. I'm so sorry."

To say I was dumbfounded would be putting it lightly. I sat wordlessly and played her words over and over in my mind. Everything she said shocked me to the bones and I knew if I had not eaten, I might not have been able to handle the thought of shoving anything down my stomach. Apart from the fact that I felt shocked and maybe a little hurt, I felt excited. Not at the castrating part of course, but at the fact that she was saved. She had decided to leave the past behind and she had chosen to start living. Now I knew why I had woken up laughing. If this was what laughing out of sleep brought me, I would make sure to include it in my dream's syllabus each day. Okay, that was a joke.

*=*=*=*

CHAPTER EIGHT

LIZ

'Should I have chosen the blue gown?' I wondered. Bright colours always did wonders for my skin and that had made me settle for red. But the more I looked at myself, the more I thought red might have been too bold for the occasion. I had a habit of murmuring to myself and I must have voiced my thoughts aloud because the cabman glared at me through the rearview mirror. I shrugged as I was too preoccupied to care about his thoughts especially not when we were only a few blocks away from Desmond's house. The cabman was obviously very perceptive as he pretended not to notice the way I had been checking myself out. The truth was I wanted to look my best. And why shouldn't I? I was going on a visit to Desmond's house for the first time. If first impressions were believed to last long then memories of first visits would last longer. I smiled. I just thought up a quote that was not completely true and I knew it. Desmond's first visit to my house and office hadn't been as memorable as the last time we talked. I guess what differentiates memories were the people involved and what they and their actions stood for.

"Madam, should I park directly in front of the gate?"

"Yes. That will do just fine."

"Okay ma."

I had started walking away when I remembered I had not paid him. I seriously was not about to add fraudster to whatever opinion he already had of me.

"Baba, here is your money and please keep the change."

"Madam, thank you. Ehn ehn, Madam"

I halted.

"I don't want you to get angry with what I'm about to say."

"Okay."

"You don't have to spend so much time looking at the mirror. No offence, but you're a very beautiful woman. If the reason you were doing that was because you were not sure, I want to tell you you're a very fine Naija girl."

I laughed. "Thank you sir. And I'm not a girl ooo."

"All join."

I waved as he reversed the car. "Thank you so much."

***

"Liiiiizzzzz."

"Hello Tirzah, or should I say, Cousin."

"I'd prefer sister."

We laughed.

"Come in dear."

"Thank you."

"Wait, don't sit on the single chair."

"Why?"

She smiled. "Let's just say I'm watching out for Desmond."

I frowned. "What about Desmond?"

"Let's not talk about it. You know I've been wondering if your full name is Liz?"

"Yes."

"That's cool. I was thinking it was probably a short form of Elizabeth or Lizzy."

"No, it's not."

"Tirzah what are you trying to do?"

I glanced towards the direction of the voice and saw him. I admit it. He was one of the most handsome guys I ever saw and his dimples did wonders for his already handsome face. He sat down right beside me and I understood what Tirzah meant when she said she was watching out for Desmond.

Tirzah grinned. "How far you na? She's my friend as much as yours."

"I'm not disputing that fact, but, I don't understand why you're trying to monopolize her attention when she clearly came here to see me."

"Are you jealous?"

Desmond smiled and held my gaze. "Can't I be?"

I cleared my throat and dragged my gaze off his. I didn't have an answer to his question and I was not about to pretend like I did.

"No, Mr Man. You can't be." Tirzah raised her brows as she tried to mimic Desmond's mortified expression. "Liz is just my friend, Tirzah. She's only a friend."

He laughed. "When did I ever say that to you?"

"You didn't have to. It was the attitude you had any time I tried to broach the topic."

"Don't worry dear Tirzah; I'll do something about that as soon as you give Liz a breathing space."

She winked. "You had better. And while we're at it you have to know I don't joke with my family members. There was a time when I didn't know they existed and it was fine but now that I know about them, I'll be ugly to anyone who so much as touches a hair on their head."

"You're sounding scary ma'am."

She placed a hand on her hip. "You know what; I might as well get the whole thing done with. If you break her heart, Desmond, I will..." She sighed. "I don't know."

Her lone expression got me laughing and I didn't stop till Desmond and Tirzah joined in.

"It's funny how you two are carrying on like I'm not even here. You guys would make a wonderful couple."

"No." They screamed in unison.

"No." Desmond said more firmly.

"I was just kidding. You two didn't have to take me seriously."

"Desmond is too handsome for my liking, Liz. Imagine someone who attracts females like honey attracts flies. I don't have the strength to ward off the attention he'll be getting from them." She shivered. "Just give me someone who is not too good-looking for his own good."

Desmond smiled. "Don't mind her. I always make sure to tell them I'm not available. You can imagine the sour look on their face when they hear words like, my babe won't like it if she knew you came around, or, my babe won't appreciate your having my mobile number."

Desmond and Tirzah chuckled and I wondered where I missed the joke. As far as I knew, having a babe meant being in a relationship and if he was in a relationship he wouldn't or shouldn't be telling me this openly. Not after the way he declared his affection for me or the way Tirzah had been teasing him about it.

Tirzah stared at me. "Des?"

"Yeah."

"I think you'll need to tell Liz what you mean by that sentence. I might be wrong but not explaining as soon as possible is detrimental to your plans. I'll leave you two to yourselves now." She winked at me before heading out.

"You weren't thinking I had a girlfriend, were you?"

"I didn't know what to think. Even if you were planning on double dating, it wouldn't make sense for you to tell me about her when you're obviously hitting on me."

He smiled. "One thing I love about you is your sincerity. You say things the way you see them and that's cool."

"Thank you."

"I couldn't tell you this since I had to wrestle Tirzah for your attention but you look breath-taking."

"Thank you. You're the second person to tell me that today."

He placed his hand on his chest. "Ow, that hurts. Let me tell you this then. You've always been a very beautiful woman. There has never been a time when I saw you and didn't think you were beautiful. I would be lying if I say I know a lady who is more beautiful to me than you. And you look exceptionally beautiful today."

My cheeks burned and my smile grew so wide it could have covered my face. "You don't think my dress is too bold?"

"No, it looks awesome on you. I wouldn't mind seeing you on red every day."

I laughed. "That would be a bit difficult."

"It would right?"

"Yes, it would."

"That means we would have to go for another option and I think I have the best idea."

"And that is?"

"I want to marry you."

I gasped. I saw it coming. I even expected it, but, I didn't think he would say it point-blank.

"I'm not getting married to you right away but I'm sure you're the person I want to get married to. I want to court you or date you, whichever works for you. All I know is that I'll be the happiest man on earth if you agree to be in a relationship with me."

I swallowed.

His forehead tightened. "Are you scared?"

My throat closed up so I shook my head instead. It had nothing to do with being scared. I was surprised, nervous and excited at the same time.

"Say something then."

"I... urh... actually... I..." I sighed. "Can I get a cup of water?"

"My bad. I should have done that the moment you came in. Please give me a sec."

I placed a hand over my thudding heart as I inhaled deeply. I had thought about what I would say in a situation like this all night yet I didn't have an answer. The professional calmness which was like a second skin to me was nowhere to be found and I couldn't stop my hands from shaking. Desmond returned with the water later than he should have and I concluded he must have known I needed some time to pull myself together.

"Here."

"Thanks."

I finished the water in a gulp and if Desmond had been surprised he didn't show it. Not like I would have appreciated it if he did.

"Do you want more?"

I laughed nervously. "No, I'm okay."

"Okay."

Seconds ticked by and the silence unsettled me. He felt comfortable with just watching me which made me feel more unsettled. I tried my best to act as relaxed as possible and I knew it was not working because he kept staring at me.

"Are you going to keep staring?"

"Yes, unless you don't want me to."

"Okay."

"Do you want me to?"

"Sure. As long as you like what you see."

He laughed. "You know I do. But do you like what you see?"

"Hmn."

"What do you think of me, Liz?"

"I think you're responsible." because you didn't shy away from your mistakes and even accepted to act like Marian's father. "Truthful." because you say the truth even when it's hard. "Caring" because you put others first. "Honourable." because you have a good character. "And handsome."

"Wow. You sure know how to make a man feel good."

"I'm not trying to make you feel good which I would love to do anyway. I just told you the qualities I noticed about you. Any woman would be lucky to have you and I'm blessed because you're mine."

I bit my lips at the slip I made. Calling a man I had not yet said yes to mine was not cool. Totally not cool.

"I didn't hear the last part clearly. Do you mind repeating it?"

"I said you're handsome."

"No not that part. The part of any woman being lucky to have me and all."

"Ehn, that was what I said ."

"No, that was not all you said."

I groaned as emotion masked my face. He was pushing me and we both knew it. I wouldn't have had to go through this if I hadn't slipped. I had always known I would say yes to him. I had always known I would love to be with him. But I was not going to accept the fact just yet. I wanted to have more time to both think and decide.

"Liizz?"

"I said I'm blessed because you're mine. Yes, Desmond. Yes, I'll gladly enter a relationship with you. I don't want us to get married just yet but I'm more than willing to marry you. So yes, yes, yes."

He jumped off his seat and pulled me into a tight hug. My grin split over my face as he said "Thank you, Liz. I promise you this. You won't ever regret saying yes to me."

"And you won't ever regret choosing to be with me." I whispered.

Someone coughed and we turned to see Tirzah taking photographs of us. The smile on her face told me she heard everything. At least the part where I said yes to Desmond. Tears stung my eyes as I realized she had chosen not only to be my cousin but my friend.

"Thank you, Tirzah." I murmured.

"Aw, you're welcome dear. I wouldn't have wished it to be any other person. I always knew you and Desmond were meant to be together since the first day I met you."

She pulled me into a hug and I held onto her tightly. Tears clouded her eyes as she stared at me and I could clearly see her joy reflected in them.

"I'm going to prepare something delicious for you. Let me give you a taste of what you're going to start enjoying. Even Desmond can testify to the fact that my meals taste heavenly."

"Don't start, Tirzah." Desmond held my hand. "Tirzah is an amazing cook but I've never had a glimpse of heaven ever since I've been eating her meals. How can it be heavenly then?"

"That's not funny, Des."

He laughed. "I was only pulling your legs."

I smiled. "You can't seriously be taking his words to heart. Even I noticed he started salivating the moment you mentioned cooking. He loves your food more than he lets on."

He groaned.

"Thanks, Liz. And he can't even cook ooo."

"Tirzah, you know that's not true."

"Then prove me wrong. Cook!"

I smiled inwardly at the trapped look on Desmond's face. His eyes begged for my help but I stilled myself against it. Apart from the fact that I wanted to eat a meal he prepared, I wanted to watch him cook.

"Liz, aren't you going to say something?" He pleaded.

"Something like?"

"You could start by telling Tirzah this is not needed." He threw up his hands. "I'm not trying to compete with her. I promise not to ever contradict her opinion on her cooking skills or that of any other person if she lets me off the hook."

I tilted my head. "You can cook right?"

"Yes." He blew out a breath. "Kind of."

I smiled. "I believe you. Nothing would make today more perfect than eating something you prepared."

"Darling, you can't possibly be doing this to me."

Tirzah expertly covered a smile. "I'll go get the pepper ready for you."

"Wait. I'm only agreeing to this on one condition."

"Which is?"

"I'll be the one to choose the food."

She scoffed. "As long as it's not noodles or rice and stew, it's fine by me."

He turned to me. "How did she know I was planning on cooking rice?"

"Your reluctance to cook is written all over you and it is only normal you'll opt for something simple."

"We could always go for bread and scrambled eggs you know."

I laughed. "You're incorrigible."

***

DESMOND

"Desmooonnnddd."

I squeezed my face as the voice of my eldest sister rang throughout the house. The whole place had grown quiet since Tirzah and Marian left. Lolade had also not dropped by in a long time and I couldn't blame her. She had no reason to do so since Tirzah already got her own apartment. Lolade was the only one who had an extra key to the house since Tirzah relinquished hers so I knew Jennifer must have gotten it from her. My eldest sister was the most dramatic person I knew and nothing she did could be more surprising than the things she had done in the past. Everyone in my family knew dropping in unannounced was one of Jennifer's greatest qualities and we loved her more for it. Even her children were already used to her. Like mum always said, God blessed Jennifer with a husband and children that were specially designed for her. No one except her family could catch up with her level of eccentricity.

"Where are you, Des?"

"I'm in here."

"Hello brother."

I pulled her into a hug. "Hi sister."

"See how much you've grown my sweet punky-dunky."

"Jenny please, I'm almost thirty. It's high time you stopped this punky-dunky thing."

She laughed. "I was only trying to get under your skin. And I wanted to avoid the many questions I knew you would ask me. I won't ever bring up that name if you don't probe me on why or how I got here."

"I don't have to probe you, Jenny. I already know. Lolade gave you my key."

"No, she didn't."

"So, how did you get it?"

"That was what I was trying to get a promise on."

I blew out a breath. "When will my own sisters stop blackmailing me?"

"Never. So are you promising?"

"No. I'm not going to do it."

"Please."

"I'm not about to promise not to probe you about the key. I won't do it even if you beg me a thousand times."

"Then I'll tell your girlfriend about punky-dunky."

"If you want to tell Liz you asked three years old Desmond what he wanted to be when he gets older and he told you he wanted to travel everywhere and be a punky-dunky, then I'll do you a favour. Let me be the one to call her. I'm sure she'll have a good laugh knowing I thought punky-dunky was an occupation."

"Don't be a spoil-fun. Okay, I give up. I made an extra of your key the day you moved in."

"What?"

"Don't look at me that way. I knew you wouldn't give me a spare so I made one in order to avoid having to seat on your doorstep anytime I felt like springing one on you."

"Seriously?"

"Yes. Are you finding it hard to believe I could do something like that or are you surprised I actually did it?"

"I don't know, Jenny. I really don't know. The only thing I do know is that you invaded my privacy."

"Calm down, Des."

"It's not funny."

"I'm sorry."

"Don't be sorry. I just need you to give me a break."

"I don't know what to say. I didn't mean any harm. You can't seriously be angry with me."

"It's okay. You know I can't get angry with you."

"Of course I know. What did you think spurred me on?"

I shook my head. "I can't believe I'm talking to a Nigerian woman who has been married for years. Aunty Jennifer, you're a mother ooo."

"You might as well broadcast it on Channels."

"Haba, are you taking it personally?"

"Not yet but I will if I don't get something to eat soon."

"If that's the condition, I would advise you take it as personal as it can get."

She snickered. "Is this what Lolade call change?"

"What are you talking about?"

"I called her before coming here and she told me how much you've changed. I can't believe she overlooked your inability to be hospitable or to even prepare a decent meal. I thought she said you now cook."

"Sister, that's a blow on my reputation. The fact that there's no food in my kitchen does not mean I don't cook."

"Why should I believe you when I've never tasted a meal prepared by you?"

"You should believe me because I won't lie to you. And you've never tasted any of my meals because you rarely visit."

She nodded. "You have a point."

"Does your husband even know you're here?"

"Who do you think advised me on the time to come?"

I chuckled. "You've finally turned Uncle Sesan into something else."

"Mind your business. After all, he is my husband."

"Is it me or are you trying to make me feel jealous?"

"I'm not trying to make you jealous. I just wanted you to have a rethink on your singleness."

"I'm not single Jenny. I'm in a relationship."

"Which is not so different from being single."

"Liz and I just got together. I can't start bugging her with marriage."

"Except there's something I'm missing, she knew what she was getting into when she said yes to you. I'm not telling you to rush into things but don't be too slow either."

"Wait. Is this why you are here?"

"More or less."

I huffed and walked ahead of her to the kitchen. "I can't believe this. Who put you up to it? Mum? Dad? Lolade?"

I halted. "They all did right?"

"Hmn hmn."

I groaned.

"It's not the way you think. Everyone in the family is excited about you being in a relationship and we're really eager to meet her. We've not seen you with a girl in a long time and we want to get to know this special lady."

"You will. This is not just the right time."

"Why not?"

"Because." I took a deep breath. "It's my relationship. I understand everyone's desire to see me get married but it's my marriage. Please give us the space we need."

"Oookay."

"I'm sorry I raised my voice at you but all this is making feel overwhelmed. Let's just take things one step at a time."

"If that is what you want, it's fine with me."

"I believe you'll explain to everybody else."

"I'll make them leave you alone if you prepare something special for me." She winked.

"Of course."

I smiled secretively as the perfect plan formed in my mind. If there was a food I could prepare with my eyes closed, it was beans. It's just that Jenny would not consider beans as something special. If anything, she would ensure I finish the whole pot of beans without eating a spoon of it.

"That reminds me, I feel like eating swallow."

"What?"

"Whatever you want to prepare, just make sure it is swallow."

Sweat broke out of my face. "But I don't have any soup at home or the ingredients to make one."

"Then buy it."

I blew out a breath. The day was starting to get longer than usual.

*=*=*=*

CHAPTER NINE

LIZ

My incessant smiles could have been as a result of the lingering smell of rain or the thought of Desmond coming to see me. Jenny was the first person who noticed the extra touch of cheerfulness I carried since the moment I woke up. She had not ceased to tease me about the fact that I was more in love with Desmond than I was six weeks before. What Jenny failed to realize was that time only made it better. Seeing him and hearing his voice never failed to lighten my heart. Today would be the first time he would come here – as my boyfriend.

"Mum, Liz is daydreaming agaaaiiiin."

Mum smiled. "Jenny, stop picking on your sister."

I smiled my thanks at Mum before wrinkling my nose at Jenny. I could never get tired of watching Jenny go speechless. I sauntered out of the room before my loquacious sister could think of something to say.

"Your phone is ringing." She called out.

I halted in my tracks and walked back to the room with more speed than was necessary.

"Thanks." I mouthed. "Hello."

"Hey. This is Tirzah."

My brows rose. "What a pleasant surprise. I couldn't have guessed it was you."

She laughed. "You can always express your thanks some other time."

"You're funny."

"I was going to say yeah I know, but, I thought better of it. You might not think that way by the time we're ending this call."

I frowned. "Did something happen?"

"Yeah, a lot happened. Are you at work? Oh! I forgot today is Saturday."

"Tirzah, what is this about?"

She groaned.

"Tirzah?"

"Desmond, I can't do this." She whispered fiercely.

"Is Desmond there with you?"

"Uh... You heard that?"

"You should have covered the mouthpiece if you didn't want me to hear it. Of course, I did."

She sighed. "Desmond wanted me to lure you out of your house but the moment I heard your voice, my whole plan shattered."

"Oh." I smiled.

I looked up to see Mum and Jenny staring at me with unconcealed interest. I shrugged and closed the door behind me to cut off any plan Jenny might have had of eavesdropping.

"He is currently staring daggers at me for telling you the whole thing."

"Where are you guys?"

"Somewhere around your neighbourhood."

"What was Desmond planning on doing after you succeed in luring me out?"

"He was planning on..."

"No, you don't." Desmond's voice floated to my ears, sending thrills all over me.

"But she asked me?" Tirzah argued.

I heard a muffled sound in the background before everything went silent.

"Hey. Are you still there?"

I shivered as my heart soared. How I've missed hearing his voice.

"Can you hear me, Sweet?"

"Yes." I cleared my throat. "Yes, I can hear you."

"Are you okay?"

His tone reminded me of wool with its soft, warm and comfortable texture. "Yes, I am. I am just very happy to hear your voice."

"I'm glad." His voice held a hint of a smile.

"What were you planning on doing?"

"I'm not telling you."

"You know I love you so much."

"Yes, I know. What does that have to do with anything?"

I smiled. "You own my heart, Des. The only person I place above you is the Lord Jesus. Why would you hide things from someone who loves you this much?"

"Okay, you win. Tirzah was supposed to lure you out of the house to a restaurant or coffee shop and I was going to come over to your house to plan a surprise pre-birthday party for you."

I blinked. "But my birthday is not until... Oh my God. My birthday is in a week's time."

"I can't believe my babe forgot her own birthday."

I giggled. "Being with you has been so amazing everything else dulls in comparison."

"And that's because you're undeniably sweet. The sweetest lady I've ever known. I'm glad it was you."

Tears clouded my eyes. "And I'm glad it was you."

Loving Desmond was so easy because he never failed to put me first. I remembered making up my mind not to give him any of the stress the feminine gender was known for and he deserved it. His thoughtfulness and selflessness never failed to catch my breath.

"I love you baby." He whispered.

"I love you a zillion times more."

"My love for you is infinite. I will choose you over and over again."

I heard a loud cough in the background and I chuckled when Desmond told Tirzah eavesdropping was sometimes the root cause of coughs.

"How is she?" I asked.

"Don't mind her. She was trying to make fun of me. I truly wish she hadn't spoilt the surprise I had in mind."

"She didn't. I was the one who pestered her with questions."

"I knew you were going to be on her side. I got myself a lawyer and a psychologist."

I laughed. "Aren't you lucky?"

"I'm more than lucky."

"What are you planning on doing now?"

"I guess I'll just have to show up at your place and postpone the surprise until another time."

I pouted. "There's nothing stopping you from going ahead with the surprise. You know I love surprises."

"I was thinking we could go anywhere of your choosing instead."

"What of all the stuff you've paid for?"

"We can always find another use for them. More so, it was going to be a small one. Nothing fancy but cool enough to show you I love you."

"Do you know one thing I like about you?"

"What's that?"

"I like the fact that you love me, and because of that, I would love to have you to myself today. I'd prefer we go out than having to share you with my family."

"Jenny would get jealous if she hears this."

I laughed. "She has to know you are mine. As much as you two are friends and all, you are mine."

"I love it when you get possessive."

My cheeks grew hot and I threw a glance behind me. Jenny would tell my grandchildren if she ever witnessed this. I smiled. She would soon understand how it feels like to be in love.

"Where do you want us to go?" He asked.

"I'll tell you when you get here."

"Tirzah and I will be with you soon. She said she needed to see your mum."

"Is Mum expecting her?"

He paused. "I don't think so."

Mum would be very glad to have a chat with her sister's daughter but she was also not one who enjoyed being caught off guard.

"Liz, do you think she should come some other time?"

"No. It's alright. I believe they have a lot to talk about."

"Okay then. Thanks a lot."

"You're welcome. Love you."

"Love you too sweet."

I tightened my hold on my phone as the call ended. I got the man I had always desired.

***

DESMOND

My eyes stayed glued on Liz the moment I switched off the car's engine and it took a while for me to realize Tirzah was talking to me.

"Sorry. What did you say?"

She gestured towards the basket beside Liz. "You didn't tell me you guys were going on a picnic."

"I didn't know either."

"Will you get out of the car now or are you planning on keeping her waiting?"

"She's a total beauty Tirzah."

"Yes, I know. Stop fawning over her already and get out."

"What about you? Don't tell me you've changed your mind about seeing Liz's Mum."

"No, I haven't. I only wanted to give you two some alone time before showing up."

"That's thoughtful of you but there is really no need for that. Liz and I will have more than enough time alone today."

"Are you sure about that?"

"Yes." I held her shoulder. "Wait; let me get the door for you."

"Aw, that's so sweet."

"You deserve to be treated like a princess."

"Thank you." She whispered.

Liz's eyes lit up the moment I got out of the car and my face turned up in a voluntary smile. I swallowed dryly as Tirzah and I walked towards her. Her eyes showed depths of innocence which caught my breath and it took a lot for me to remain aware of Tirzah beside me. Tirzah gripped my shoulders as she gave me a knowing look. I must have missed out on something because she walked right into the house.

Liz held my hands. "Hey, what's wrong with you?"

I swallowed. "Nothing."

"It is anything but nothing Des. You were in a world of your own."

"I guess I was."

"What were you thinking of?"

I lowered my voice. "You."

She smiled. "Hmm. What about me?"

"Your eyes. I didn't notice how transparent they were before now. One can literally see your heart through them."

"Can you see my heart through them now?"

"Yes."

"What's in my heart?"

"You've missed me."

She dropped her gaze and returned it to me. "That's correct. What else can you see?"

"Liz?"

"Hmm."

"You know we decided not to kiss until our wedding day."

"Yes."

"I might actually end up kissing you right here and now if you don't stop looking at me that way."

Her eyes grew wide and she stepped back.

I laughed. "Don't tell me you're feeling embarrassed."

She cleared her throat. "Not really. Can we leave now?"

I reached for the basket and paused. "It's empty."

"Yeah. I thought it would be cool if we go shopping before going to a place where we can be alone." She bit her lip. "Well, not so alone."

"Yes ma'am. So where is this place where we can be not so alone?"

She smiled. "I'm yet to make up my mind. There are so many places I want to go with you right now and settling for one seems difficult."

"I can't believe this is happening. You sounded like you had a plan on the phone."

"Well, I have one. Let's take the first step and the rest will sort out itself."

"And the first step is?"

"Going to the mall."

"That's a nightmare."

She laughed. "It had better be. Since you've refused to tell me what happened to the real ones you used to have?"

I frowned. "I have not told you?"

"No, you haven't."

"I actually thought I did."

"Well, you didn't."

"I'll tell you all about it the moment we get into the car."

I laughed as she walked ahead of me to the car. She must be really interested in knowing.

"You know you can't leave without me right?" I teased.

She opened the door. "Yes. And I don't wish to."

I shook my head in wonder as I joined her. Liz was the most amazing woman I've ever met.

She held my hands as I reached to put on the radio. "Please don't. I want to listen to you with no distractions."

"Okay ma'am. Please put on your seat belt. You'll need it for both the drive and the gist."

She smiled. "Yes boss."

"Where do I start from? You already know about the nightmares and the fact that I had a hard time dealing with them."

"Hmm hmm."

"I woke up asking for help the last night I had the nightmare. The whole situation felt frustrating so I started wondering why I had prayed and nothing happened and why I had done a lot of things without result. I was still thinking about it when I realized that the Lord already answered my prayers. He already did something about the nightmares and what he did was not to only forgive me but also help me forgive myself. Even though I had not realized it at the time, I had started to forgive myself. I had started seeing things the way he saw them. Instead of thinking I made Tirzah the way she was, I started thinking there was no way I could have helped her. There was nothing I could have done to make life easier for her that I didn't already do. I basically stopped playing God in her life. I realized that although I had done something very wrong, she was responsible for the decisions she made based on the incident. You know this thing they say about situations being the exposer of the true nature of men?"

"Yes."

"That fact dawned on me so I finally moved on. I didn't see a reason to relive the memory so the nightmares stopped."

"That's awesome."

"Yeah, really awesome. By the way what made you remember?"

"You said going shopping was a nightmare."

I laughed. "It is. Having to walk down several aisles and deliberating on what to buy tires me."

She pouted.

"But then, I would do anything for you, Liz."

She smiled. "I can't imagine being with any other person but you."

"I can't either." I whispered.

*=*=*=*

EPILOGUE

Seven years later

Liz was in the labour room and all I could think of was how she discreetly got me to agree to this. In my opinion, Light and Jasmine were more than enough. They were the sweetest kids ever. Light's school teacher might not necessarily agree with me as she constantly reports the boy's playfulness during classes. And Jasmine has a way of getting me to do things with her innocent-looking eyes. I smiled. They could get away with almost anything with me but not with their mother. Light and Jasmine knew once their mother says it, I would do nothing to change it. There was a time when they used to ask me to get their mother to allow them to do some things, but not anymore. The fact that I believe Liz can never go wrong with the kids had finally sunk into them. Liz and I had made up our mind to give birth twice before we got married and that to me had meant two kids while that had meant getting pregnant twice to Liz. We had both been correct until the first pregnancy resulted in a twin. Imagine my shock when my wife started telling she wanted to get pregnant barely two years after she – we – gave birth. I didn't agree to it until after a year and she didn't get pregnant until several months after that. Now, we're here.

Light tugged on my shirt. "Dad."

"Yes."

"When will we get to see Mum?"

"Soon."

"You know you're free to go and stay with her. Jasmine and I are old enough to watch after ourselves."

I shifted on my seat and stared at him. "Really?"

"Sure, Dad. You don't need to babysit us."

"Of course." I drawled.

"I think Light is correct, Dad. We're almost five. You have to stop treating us like kids."

"Ha ha. I can see you're truly not kids"

Light frowned and I saw Liz in him. "We're serious, Dad."

I opened my mouth and shut it almost immediately. I didn't know which was more daunting. Having my wife kick me out of the labour room – not literally – because she wanted me to watch the kids, or having those kids tell me they didn't need a babysitter because they were almost five. They had done several things which made me look at them twice, but this – this just blew the hat off it all. I was more than amazed. I was flabbergasted.

"Hey, Des."

I turned in the direction of the voice and saw Tirzah waving at me. I could see she brought the entire household with her. Well maybe not the entire household because the only people who came with her were Liz's mum and dad and my mum.

"Tirzah, I didn't tell you to bring them here. You could have taken them home instead." I whispered.

"I didn't know what to do. Hearing Liz was in labour just sort of sent me into panic mode. I wasn't thinking clearly." She gritted out.

I placed a smile on my face as I turned to greet my mum and my in-laws. The last thing I wanted was for them to tell Liz I had been so concerned about her I forgot my manners.

"Mr Falade."

I wheeled around to see the doctor who had carried out Liz's instruction. If I had not been so busy, I would have – well, I would have done nothing.

"Yes, Doctor."

I stylishly steered him away from my family.

"Your wife has given birth to a..."

"Another set of twins."

He frowned. "I thought you asked the doctor who attended to you during the ultrasound not to tell you."

"That's correct. We told the doctor to only let us know the health status of our baby."

"So, how did you know?"

I smiled. "When you have a wife like Liz, you start knowing things without anyone having to tell you."

"I don't think I understand what you mean."

"I know you don't. Can you do me a favour?"

"Sure."

"Please don't tell any of my family members anything. I want to be the one to tell them."

"That's alright. Will you go and see them now?"

"Yes."

"Are you going with the kids?"

I looked at Light and Jasmine who were shoving questions down their grandparent's throat. "No. I want to see my babe alone."

I smiled at the knowing look on the doctor's face as I walked out of the waiting room. It might seem selfish but I wanted to spend as much time with my wife as I could before telling any other person about it. If there was someone I could never get tired of seeing and talking to, it was Liz. My Liz!

*=*=*=*

Araye

(#1 Tales of Eritonia)

Eritonia was an island surrounded by several islands. It was a country filled with men of every colour, size and shape. Members of the royal family which were also lovingly referred to as the Eriteas were known for the wisdom with which they ruled. Every nation far and near talked about the peace the land of Eritonia enjoyed until King Atelorun tried invading the land. The uprising was stemmed before it could do much harm but the incident made the people of Eritonia aware of the fact that they were not as invincible as they had thought. Every one of them dwelt with caution as they knew their next-door neighbour could be a spy from one of the jealous kings. At least, the person who had allowed the first infiltration had been the loving husband of the princess. And like the market women of Eritonia would say; if Prince Bunjo could turn out to be a traitor, your most trusted one might not be who you think they are.
CHAPTER 1

"Make way for his Royal Highness Prince Dovian of Eritonia."

The voice of the guards rose above the noise in the market and the crowd parted as the prince's carriage passed. Araye stretched her neck in a bid to catch a glimpse of the prince who had left the country seventeen years ago. That had been a year after she was born. She tightened her grip on the basket she was holding and pressed through the throng with grim determination.

"Araye."

She looked back to see Simbi waving vigorously at her. Her stomach sank as she thought of the stress she went through before getting to where she was. She sullenly moved towards Simbi and to her amazement, she didn't have to deal with a lot of resistance. She would have thought everyone present was against her seeing the prince if she didn't know better.

"What are you doing here?"

Simbi blushed. "The same thing you're doing here. I doubt if I'll be able to see the prince with this thick crowd."

"You can still meet up with his carriage if you walk faster, or run. The palace gate is still far away."

Simbi scoffed. "With this crowd? I doubt it."

Araye's cheeks dimpled. "Don't worry my friend. You'll see him at the evening celebration."

"My mother has never allowed me to go for any of the evening celebrations arranged by the royal family."

"I think she will change her mind because today's evening celebration is solely arranged to welcome the prince." Araye lowered her voice. "There is no mother who would not want his daughter to have a chance with royalty."

Simbi sighed. "I heard he got betrothed to one of the daughters of a foreign king."

"It's a lie. Tritoan told me the prince vowed to celibacy several years ago and that the king is secretly searching for maidens who can make him change his mind."

"I don't believe it. That's a lie."

Araye stomped her foot. "Are you saying my betrothed is a liar?"

"No Araye. I know Triton is a man of integrity but this sounds too good to be true. I can't believe I still have a chance with Prince Dovian."

"Although, I'll advise you set your gaze of Prince Rafau instead."

"Why?"

Araye shrugged. "Just some things I heard about him."

"What did you hear?"

"I'm not allowed to say."

Simbi wrinkled her nose. "I'm going for Prince Dovian anyway. I have nothing to lose."

"I hope so." Araye murmured.

"Mother sent me to the blacksmith but you know I don't like seeing him."

Araye laughed. "Are you still afraid of the little scar on his face?"

"I can't believe you called that huge thing little. It's literally all over his face."

"You can't blame him. Everyone knows he got the scar while trying to save Princess Pintan from a bear."

"The same princess whose husband almost caused the destruction of our land."

Araye pulled her aside. "Don't utter such words in public. You don't know who might be listening. Tritoan told me things are getting more delicate in the land. We must all be careful."

Simbi's eyes grew wide. "Are the sayings true? Are there really spies in the land?"

"I don't know. I only know the things Tritoan tells me and the bits I piece together from Father's conversations with some of the officials."

"How does Tritoan know all these things?"

Araye smiled. "You might not know but he and the prince were very close friends before the prince went for the kingly training in Karidang. He is very close to the royal family and I want to tell you something else, but, you have to promise not to tell anyone."

"I promise. Please tell me."

"He is the one in charge of the treasury."

Simbi gasped. "I thought his father was the royal treasurer."

"Yes, but, he's been ill for several months and he told the King he wanted Tritoan to replace him until he recovers."

"And the King accepted?"

"Yes."

"I thought the laws of the land demands that a Royal Treasurer must have been an official for at least fifteen years."

"How did you know that?"

"I have a tutor Araye. And singing is not the only thing we do during our lessons."

"I know. I just didn't take you for one who was interested in the laws of our land and subjects like that."

"How can you tell?"

"We've been friends since childhood Simbi. I wouldn't be surprised if I know you more than you know you."

"You're right. I committed the law regulating the Royal Treasury to heart because I wanted to know how the treasures of our land were being managed."

"That's brilliant."

Simbi smiled. "Thank you. Now answer my question. Why did the King disregard the laws of the land?"

"How... how... should I know that?"

"I know you know. Now tell me."

"Are we not supposed to go and meet the blacksmith?"

"We'll do that after you answer my question."

Araye sighed. "It's simple Simbi. He is the King and he can do whatever he chooses to do. The fact that the King is law is plain. More so, he kept it secret because he wanted to avoid tales and rumours. He honoured his friend's last wish and I think that is wonderful of him."

"But the treasury is too delicate to commit to just anybody."

Araye narrowed her eyes. "Did you just call my betrothed just anybody?"

"That was not what I meant. I meant to say that being the Royal Treasurer is a sensitive position."

"And you feel Tritoan is not worthy of it?"

"No. I think something is fishy."

"Either it's fishy or meaty; it's none of my business and yours. All I know is that Tritoan is doing a good job."

"Okay. But..."

"One more word about my betrothed and you will be the only one facing the blacksmith."

Simbi swallowed. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to get you angry."

"I'm not angry. I just don't like your opinion of Tritoan."

Simbi bit her lip as she stopped herself from saying she didn't have issues with Tritoan as a person but with the fact that he held a position that required years of experience and expertise. She swallowed every defensive word she thought of as an image of her talking to Gordon without help flashed through her mind. Araye pulled her in the direction of the blacksmith's shop and she doggedly followed.

"Good morning Gordon." Araye shouted over the sound of clanging metals.

Gordon wiped his face with a towel as he stepped out. "Good morning beautiful Araye."

She nudged Simbi who moved away before she could be nudged a second time.

Araye smiled shyly. "Please don't mind my friend. She acts weird whenever she has a lot on her mind."

Simbi expertly covered a snort.

"Is everything okay?" Araye asked.

Simbi glared at her. "Yes. Mr Gordon, we're sorry for distracting you from your work. We just wanted to buy some of your wares before going on our way."

"What exactly do you want to buy?"

"I need two pots and five silverware dishes. I would also appreciate if I can get the bronze clip I was told you just designed."

"Okay, Miss."

"How much do they cost?"

"A pot costs five erin and a silverware dish costs three erin. That's twenty-five erin all together."

"But you didn't add the price of the bronze clip"

Gordon smiled. "You're my first customer for the day. You can see it as my way of saying thank you."

Simbi's eyes lit with pleasure. "Thanks."

Araye folded her arms as she looked from Gordon to Simbi. Simbi had told her she was scared of Gordon and that was correct or should she say had been correct. The Simbi who would hide whenever Gordon was around was not the same person Araye was seeing right before her eyes. Maybe she only needed someone to start a conversation with Gordon in order to prove that he doesn't bite. Araye giggled. She couldn't wait to tease Simbi about it.

"Thank you, Mr Gordon. Araye, let's go."

"You're welcome, Miss."

"Bye Gordon." Araye called out.

"Bye."

Simbi didn't let Araye go until they were more than a stone-throw away from Gordon's shop.

"You know holding me so tight could have wounded me."

"But I didn't wound you. Or is your arm bleeding?"

"No, it's not."

"What was that about?"

Araye frowned. "What?"

"You were giggling. I was trying so hard to comport myself in front of him and you were making fun of my efforts."

Araye lips stretched in a smile. "Actually, I was not making fun of you. I was so impressed with the way you handled everything that I thought of teasing you about it."

"Was that what you found funny?"

"Yes."

Simbi released a breath. "That's better. I thought the struggle going on within me was obvious. I didn't want Mr Gordon feeling bad about himself and that was more reason I felt bad when you laughed."

"I understand."

"Will you be at the evening's celebration?"

"No."

"Why not?"

"I have no reason to."

"Yes, you do."

"No, I don't."

"You'll get to eat free food, dance, meet new people and also see Tritoan."

"Seeing Tritoan sounds tempting but he already told me he will be very busy. He said something like making sure the prince was properly settled and all. We talked yesterday and he said I might not get to talk to him today even if I show up at the evening's celebration."

"That's sad."

"Don't worry. I know Tritoan. He will make up for it."

"What about the food, dancing and meeting new people?"

"They are not enough reason for me to leave the comfort of my bed for a place with different category of people and smells."

Simbi rolled her eyes.

Araye laughed. "I was just joking. Everyone I've ever met at the evening celebration smelt nice. I just don't feel like going for tonight's celebration."

"But you'll get to see the prince."

"Seeing him profits me nothing. More so, I'll get to see him since he is Tritoan's friend."

"Okay."

"We're almost at the crossroad." Araye started in a singsong voice.

"Where we'll have to say goodbyyyeeee."

They laughed.

"I don't understand why you refused to be a singer. You could have gotten a place in the royal band with no stress. I still think the name Singbi will fit you."

"And I think Arabed will fit you more."

"What's Arabed?"

"You said you didn't want to leave the comfort of your bed for the celebration. So I figured Arabed fits you."

Araye laughed. "I have to go now. My regards to your mother."

"And mine to yours. See you at the market square tomorrow."

"What's happening there?"

"Tsk tsk tsk. I should know you would have forgotten. The Knight contest is tomorrow."

"Oh, I forgot all about it. See you tomorrow then."

*=*=*=*

AUTHOR'S NOTE

First of all, I appreciate you for walking this journey with me. I see writing and reading as pleasurable hobbies, because, the ability to create characters and the ability to see and be in a place where we might never get to be in our physical bodies is a great thing. Liz and Desmond taught me a lot. I saw the frailty of human nature and the constancy of the divine. There is a truth that is more real than the Sun or any other thing we can see. God is good and He exists. Liz and Desmond's life showed me the beauty of love and a desire was quickened in my heart. If two people could have that kind of a relationship with each other despite their past and personality difference; then men can have a much more beautiful relationship with a good God. This story made me smile, made me laugh and even made me sigh. I believe you saw what I saw and even more than that, I believe you saw the different realities entrapped within the pages of this book. I know if something can be imagined, then it is real. And if it can be real, I want it now. Kindly let me know how this book has blessed you by sending a mail to jedidiahbamidele.gmail.com. And if you've been wondering how you can be a blessing to me, you can start by sharing this book with as many people as you can. You can also read other stories written by me on http://www.jedidiahbamidele.blogspot.com

With Love,

Jedidiah.

