(upbeat electronic music)
- Yo mama.
Yo mama so stupid
she's tried to climb Mountain Dew.
Stupid lady, that's a refreshing beverage.
Jeez!
Yo mama so ugly
when the Kool-Aid Man
busted through her wall
(wall cracking)
He said, "Oh no!"
(glass cracking)
(glass shatters)
Yo mama so stupid
she thought fruit punch was a gay boxer.
- Did somebody say KO? (laughs)
(jaw cracking)
- [Announcer] KO!
- [Brody] Yo mama so poor
she eats cereal with a fork
to save milk.
- I'm coo-coo for food stamps.
(belches)
- Yo mama so stupid
she brought a spoon
to the Super Bowl!
Yeah!
And the fat one brought cereal.
(water bubbling)
Yo mama so fat
her cereal bowl comes with a lifeguard.
Hey, no running.
Oh wait, you can't run.
'Cause you're fat.
Yo mama so stupid
when she got locked in a grocery store
she starved to death.
(crickets chirping)
Oh come on!
Not next to the beef jerky.
(church bells chiming)
Yo mama so short
she hang glides on a Dorito.
(wind whooshing)
(chip crunching)
(belches loudly)
(rapid electronic music)
Yo mama so stupid
she spent 20 minutes staring
at a carton of orange juice
because it said concentrate.
- Come on man, my manos are tired.
- Duh!
(flatulates)
- Yo mama so fat
when she sat on a rainbow
she made Skittles.
(rainbow cracking)
(birds chirping)
(rainbow cracks)
Oh god!
No one wants to taste that rainbow.
(groans)
Yo mama so stupid
she got fired from the M&M factory
for throwing out the Ws!
Yo mama so poor
she waves around a popsicle
and calls it air conditioning.
Stop it!
Those are my delicious, sugary treats!
(dramatic orchestral music)
(bells jingling)
Yo mama so stupid
she thought Taco Bell was
a Mexican phone company.
- If I told you uno times,
I told you a thousand uno times, senorita,
this is a fast food place.
(eyeball squishes)
- Yo mama so ugly
she made my Happy Meal cry.
(sobbing)
Come on, little guy, you're
making my food soggy.
- But she's got skin tags, bro!
(dramatic orchestral music)
- Yo mama so stupid
when she saw the
McDonald's drive-thru sign
she drove though the building.
(horns beeping)
(engine revving)
What do you wanna drink?
(wall crashing)
(glass shattering)
Oh come on, I just wanted a McFlurry!
(machine rattling)
(ice cream gurgling)
Yo mama so poor
she went to KFC to lick people's fingers.
Oh gross, what the fuck, lady?
(tongue slurping)
Yo mama so stupid
she thought KFC
was UFC for chickens.
(fists thudding)
- Peck his eyes out!
Use that beak, you bastard.
(jaw cracking)
(laughs)
(birds chirping)
(woman gasps)
(ethereal harp music)
- [Brody] Yo mama so old
she knew Burger King when
he was just a prince.
- You are not going to have it your way.
I'm going to have it my way.
(sultry music)
- Yo mama so stupid
she went to the Apple
Store to get a Big Mac.
(electricity buzzing)
Yo mama so short
she bakes cookies
with Keebler Elves.
(tree rumbling)
I smell cookies and I want them!
I want them in my stomach!
(elves thumping)
(roaring)
Yo mama so stupid
she thought Dunkin' Donuts
was a basketball team.
And the fat one's their biggest fan.
(saliva gurgling)
(screaming)
(gulps)
(donut crunching)
Yo mama so stupid
she returned a donut
because it had a hole in it.
(hand smacks)
Like holy shit you're stupid!
Yo mama so fat
her blood type is
Nutella.
(teeth smashing)
(blood squirting)
So gross, yet so delicious.
- Oh wait, I forgot that I
have Type 2 diabetes. (laughs)
That's still not funny.
(tab clicks)
(soda gushes)
- Yo mama so stupid
she made an appointment with Dr Pepper.
(crickets chirping)
Yeah, yo mama so ugly
not even Goldfish crackers smile back,
and they're known for their smiles!
But it's not the point here
the point is your mom's ugly
and you should feel bad.
Yo mama so stupid
when she heard it was chilly outside
she ran and got a bowl.
(ice crackling)
- You know what killed the dinosaurs?
The ice age.
Cool!
- Yo mama so poor
when I asked her what's for dinner
she took off her shoelaces
and said, "Spaghetti."
Yeah, no.
(slurping)
(belches)
Yo mama so stupid
she thought chicken strips
was a strip club for chickens.
- Oh, I come here all the time.
Take it off you chicken slut. (laughs)
(dramatic orchestral music)
You!
(dramatic orchestral music)
(fists pounding)
(dramatic music)
- [Brody] Yo mama so ugly
she made an onion cry.
- Put it away, man!
She's touching me with the same hand
she uses to touch her skin tags.
(screams)
(glasses rattling)
- Yo mama so stupid
when I said drinks were on the house
she went and got a ladder
and then she fell off.
(woman thuds)
(glass shattering)
(cat howling)
Idiot!
Yo mama so short
she uses a Tostito as a boat.
Boats and hoes.
Boats and hoes.
Boats, boats, boats,
boats, boats and hoes.
Boats and hoes!
Boats and hoes!
Boats, boats, boats,
boats, boats and hoes.
(chip crunching)
(belches)
(rapid electronic music)
Yo mama so stupid
she thought that Starbucks
was alien currency.
(register dings)
(upbeat music)
(pounding footsteps)
(farts)
(triumphant music)
- In Soviet Russia.
In America you eat Burger King.
- Yeah, can I get the number
four with bacon, extra,
just pile the bacon--
(gasps)
- [Taras] In Soviet Russia
Burger King eats you.
- What the fuck, bro?
(King roaring)
- [Taras] In America woman
makes sandwich for you.
(bell dings)
In Soviet Russia sandwich
makes a woman for you.
- Yeah, I'll take mine with big tits,
big hips,
and a big--
- Come on man, what's wrong with you?
Don't you want a side of smart and funny?
- Anyway, as I was saying.
- [Taras] In America fat
kid chases ice cream truck.
(rapid midi music)
In Soviet Russia ice cream
truck chases fat kid.
(intense music)
(truck rumbling)
- Hey, wanna trade licks?
(intense electronic music)
Click here to watch
another episode of Yo Mama.
