hi guys and welcome to today's video I'm
okay I'm gonna be really chatty in this
video because I have a lot to share with
you guys first thing out of the way this
is the first youtube video like sit down
I did vlog but sit down and talking
video then I'm filming with my new
haircut what do you guys think of it my
blow-dryer is gone I washed my hair earlier
today and I tried to give myself like a
soft semi blow dry I don't want to expose
my head to too much heat I used my Dyson
airwap which I've had a very love hate
relationship with so far but I guess
it's really working for me and my
damaged short hair at the moment I feel
like my head feels and looks much better
ok the reason I say that this video is
going to be chatty is because I have a
lot to share with you. This is the first
it's a monday morning as I am filming
this A this is the first morning in a very
long time that I've woken up and I have sat
 to shoot early in the  morning
first thing and I'm really feeling
rejuvenated I want to talk about
everything with you guys so as I'm
talking I'm going to keep doing my
makeup for those of you who enjoy my
chatty videos my longer videos
hallelujah this one's for you but yeah I
will keep trying to give you names of
the products somewhere on the screen or
in the info box I don't want this video
even though I need to do my makeup for
like the rest of the things in the day I
don't want to talk about the makeup
because I have realized I have a lot
more to share with you guys so here's
hoping you guys enjoy this video let's
just start straight up let's dive right
into it okay so first thing I want to
tell you and I want to give credit here
is I want to thank you Mridul. Mridul has
come through as a real friend
over the last sometime and I
discussed a lot of like content with her
and ideas with her and apart from that
Mridul I'm talking about the fellow
YouTuber who you guys have definitely seen
on my channel a couple of times by now
she is much bigger than me on
YouTube so like I'm pretty sure you guys
have seen her channel by now and I love
her work so someone who's like 22 23
she's so like dedicated she reminds me
so much of myself back 22 23 I turned 29
day after tomorrow and I'd probably be
29 by the time this video goes up but it's
just so nice to talk to her because I
feel like surrounding yourself with
positive people and people who reinspire
you or just inspire you in general
is so important so Mridul and I talk
about stuff beyond work as well she's
someone who's grown to become like a
really good friend of mine her and I
both confide in each other with like
things about life and things about that
both of us might relate with and connect
with and so here's the thing big while
in one of these conversations when we
were talking about life and we were
talking about friendship and we were
talking about hardships of living the
fast-paced life that we do live she was
like Aanam you have so much to share why
don't you do more story time videos and
you know the thing with me and YouTube
is that because I'm still navigating the
YouTube waters and I've talked about
this in my videos before also that I
feel like I love my YouTube content but
my views keep going up and down I don't
completely understand the platform the
way I understood building traffic on
like my website like my blog the link of
which by the way is down below I don't
get up much time to write blogs as many
as I'm used to anymore I love creating
video content and of course I'm really
active on Instagram but that's why
whenever like she gives me advice on
YouTube which she's so amazing at I
really do take that advice and I said
look the thing is there are so many
different opinions out there
the internet some people say do longer
videos some people say do shorter videos
if I do story time videos it's safe to
say that they're going to be really long
so I decided that myself self-care Sunday series
that is already you know something that
I was sharing with you I'm going to take
different topics and different things
and talk about things about life that I
have learned so far I am 29 and I know
that my demographics on YouTube say that
a lot of you are around my age and by
few of you are also slightly younger
than me so if at any point of time
anything that I've experienced in my
life is going to help you with
experience in yours I would be so happy
to be able to imbibe absolutely I won't
say wisdom that sounds like so like
preachy but like if I can help you in
any way even like a tiny little bit I am
really happy so I was I was thinking of
what I should share with you guys because
self-care Sunday to me is about it's
about spreading positivity it's about
it's about giving you guys a real on
life it's about giving you guys the real
BTS on everything in my life and
hopefully even lessons I learned from
others right so I was kind of thinking
and I said I think that one of the things
most of us struggle with these days
is friendships and relationships and I
land up having this conversation with far
too many people far too often to not
have it with you guys I feel like when it
comes to friendships so many of us are
lucky but also so many of us are not
that lucky to have amazing friends in
their lives I've had I I've had the
opportunity to make some great friends
in my life but they've come from a lot
of trial and error I'm going to really
deep dive into this I was I had this
really really really close friend she was
my first friend and first best friend
ever in my life
we met when we were two years old
we went to preschool together and we
were in the same school after and when
she was 8 years old but we were both 7
or 8 her parents got divorced and she
had to she had to move countries so she
moved to Calcutta actually for one year before after which she moved to Los Angeles
this is when we were 7 years old so I'm
talking about 1998 there was no Facebook
no Instagram social media and I remember
sobbing my heart out for her I even
remember I used to do summer camp every
year I even remember the summer camp but
after she left and I remember this so
clearly it was YMCA here in Bandra only
in Bombay and my mom had come the last
day of summer camp where they do like
these activities for children to share
with their parents and all of us were
asked to write a letter to God at some
point in summer camp before and a few
snippets
of some kids letters were read aloud and
my letter was about how I want my best
friend back
and when my mom heard that you know what
oh dear God give me my best friend back and
bla bla bla and she's moved away they didn't
say whose letter it was but when my mom
heard it after the event she asked me
she was like that was your letter for
you Ruchika right and I was like yeah how
did you know this is such an amazing
story and it's so inspiring even for me
to think that I did today because when I
was in the 6th standard I had tried to
make a new best friend and tried and
failed and tried and failed and I just
like you know you have to get the tuning
right you know what I'm talking about if
you have like a best friend so I did
this really really crazy thing
spoiler alert Ruchika is still in my
life today were 29 she basically what I
did it when I was in the 6th standard was
I went ahead and
wrote an email this is when emails were
like new and stuff and everybody had
like names emails that were like really
like weird like my email which I still
own till date was like spexy princess so like
nobody had like real name email ids you
know at that age but I said okay if I'm
gonna try to find her like find her and keep in 
touch with her I'm gonna write an email
to her so I wrote one line literally one
line in the email I said hi Ruchika this
is your best friend Aanam if this is your
email if this is your email address write
me back
and what I did was I wrote her name her
last name I would just her name and last
name I put a dot I put an underscore I
swapped the last name first and
basically I made like some 12
combinations of her name and a last name
with dots and underscores and at that
time there was like the popular email
domains which I think still are were like
Yahoo Gmail and Hotmail so I made
combinations and then I literally marked
all email addresses on it with all three
domains on it so I think I said that
email to like I don't know how many
people and one of them replied to me
saying this is me and like I remember
how much I cried raving to my mom I was
like I found Ruchika it was insane okay as a as someone who was like how old are you when
you in the sixth grade you're like what
1112 I was so happy I was so happy and
we kept in touch this is when she lived
in LA in 1999 no in 1999 I went to America
for the first time but 
I went back to America and then I went
to LA and we went to Disneyland together
and that was such an amazing fun trip my
whole family was there she lived there
with her mom and she spent like the day
with us and it was a lot of fun but like
what I'm getting to is that we've all
had friendships that have been like
there some that have been lost some of that have
just existed and not
necessarily become close friends I was
talking to another one of my friends who
lives actually in LA the other day on
video call because I've been video
calling so much during this lockdown
like with my friends I don't even think
normal calls exist anymore
I've just been like video calling the
hell out of everyone but I think
everyone's enjoying it because
everyone's like craving human contact as
well so one of the things I was
discussing with this friend of mine was
you know she is also going through
something that I went through a couple
years ago where like one of her really
old friends is like they it seems like
their parting ways it seems like they're
you know kind of just growing up as
different people and they've been
friends for really long and I realized
that I've gone through this and she was
not really having a tough time but she
was like you know I still want her in my
life and I kind of gave her the same
advice that I gave to myself when I was
in that position for those of you who
don't have a backstory to this I I've
had the good fortune having a lot of
really good friends they may not all be
as close so they may not all be best
friends but I've had I have a really
good circle of friends who for the most
part has been great to hang out with but
there are very few today at like 28 29
that I consider to be like truly close
or really there but through my teens and
through the years I've had like this
friend of mine who was still a friend of
mine but we used to be like really
really really really best friends like
my really best friends I mean we would
spend like 18 hours in a day together
she would practically like live in my
house through most of college we've
known each other since we were two this
is not Ruchika but all of us went to the
same preschool and all of us went to the
same school and like we went to the same
school
we went to the same college we went we
did even though we did different degree
courses we went to the same College a
lot of my friends are now her friends a
lot of her friends are my friends so
we're in a lot of common groups but through
for whatever differences over a period
of time it's so normal for people to
just grow up to be different people I
think that a very long time I didn't
understand that it was okay for us to
grow up to be so different I think
somewhere I'm also like not to blame
but I also need to take responsibility
for the fact that we're not the same
person our upbringings at the end of the day
we grew up in different homes and it's
okay for someone to not be 100% in
alignment with you there were a few
things of course that I wish didn't
happen so like I'm not covering up for
somebody's not bad behavior but somebody
not behaving in a way that you would
hope they don't behave but I think that
what we do as as really compassionate
people I think we kind of hope that
others reciprocate friendship the same
way we do and it was Gerry actually who
made me realize this when I was really
heartbroken one of those evenings and I
was crying and he was like you know what
like you may be right at so-and-so in so
but it's not right for you to expect
people to behave the way you would
behave in a certain situation like just
because I try to be Miss righteous and I
try to do the right thing always and I
don't want him like you know I'll think
I'm like a mom I'm the mom in every
friend group I have I'm everybody's
mommy just because I behave like the
mummy I'd like to take a look after
people or if I like to just kind of like
make sure I'm doing the right thing
doesn't mean everyone has to be like
that and I think that understanding that
the semblance of that really like it
took some time but once it
got to the base of my head it has stayed
there also keeping in mind that at some
point in 2018 and I've talked about this
before I did start seeking professional
help for the anxiety and just for like
the various problems I think I was
facing on the personal level emotionally
which was also around the time
coincidentally or maybe not that I was
having one of these problems with the
friend of mine's today where today we
know we coexist
we have each other I know she has my
back right now I have her back but we've
gone from being like joint at the hip
from like school and college and some
people used to think we were together
like a couple because we've always
together like we used to hang out and be
together that much to just being people
who coexist in a group and I think
that's okay I think that for a very long
time I thought that that was a
deterioration of friendship maybe it is
I I still don't really have a clear
picture on that but I think what we need
to do as people is understand that it's
OK for a relationship to move up or down
you know I keep saying this and I see
this all the time you know we obviously
don't settle for a man unless he
understands your value don't settle for
a man understand unless he
understands your worth I think that
doesn't just apply to like men in our life's
like I think it should also apply
to friendships and relationships in
general like I asked this to this friend
of mine not this friend of mine another friend of mine
I know I'm not taking
names and that's making it ambiguous so
let's say this friend of mine who I was
having problems with let's just call her
E and I was talking to this friend of
mine who was in Los Angeles who was
also having something similar let's just
call her B so she B was telling me that
you know why don't you try to work this
out and talk cuz you guys have known
each other for so long and B has met A
when she was in Bombay and all of that
and I was like look if this was a
boyfriend would you ask me to take him
back cuz like we always say hold
your relationships in high regard and
you know just don't settle and don't
compromise if we say that for
relationships why don't we say that for
friendships why isn't everyone holding
themselves to the equally high regard on
both fronts because if I want to be
valued in a certain way while I'm in a
relationship
sorry I'm struggling to open this as we
speak I also want to be held to a
certain level of quality certain level
in general in friendships like I don't want
a friend to walk all over me I don't
want a friend to ditch me when I need
her the most I don't want a friend to
flake out on me during a phase of my
life where I need my best friend the
most so I feel like if you're someone
who is struggling with a friend and it's
really really really trying to make it
work ask yourself would you like of
course I am not saying you should toss men
out of your life except your partners out
of your life whatever their gender might
be but I'm saying after a certain point
we all say where's your self-respect
when it comes to relationships but the
same rule should apply with friendships
you should be able to sit back and say
hey I've tried and this is not working
out and maybe we're not best friends
anymore maybe were just friends and
that's okay that doesn't mean anybody is
bad nobody becomes a bad person it just
means we've grown up to be a slightly
different apply that same relationship
logic to friendship you know what I mean
I think one of the things that I
really just learned over a period of
time is that your friendships are so
important like I feel like friends are
the family we make for ourselves and
while you don't get to choose family and
some of us have been lucky in that
department a lot of other people
struggle with their families with your
friendships you have the opportunity to
truly surround yourself with people that
uplift you and I want to tell you how my
friendships have changed from school to
college to now when in 2013 I really
wanted to make
new friends so I graduated from college
in 2012 and I had all my friends take up
jobs or joining their dance offices or
like just basically have jobs with most
of my friends and jobs of some sort they
still do so suddenly on Friday nights
when we will use will you step out
for dinner or something I was
suddenly in this space well I think be
like no one have plans with all his
friends or no I have this cuz office
was new as a thing to everyone we had
just graduated no which is
understandable but to me I felt like
shit I don't have any office friends
because I work by myself this is 2013 I
was still single I hadn't met Gerry I I
had it I didn't have a team that was
this big I just literally just had one
employee full-time at that time and it
was just one of those things where I was
like where does someone like me meet
people you know what I mean I had
friends who are blogger friends I call
them work friends fairly so I might need
a completely different video on how to
tackle work friends and how to deal with
work friends and how sometimes things
can be awkward
much like in an office space it can be
like that in the blogger space as well
but I don't want to dive into that into
this video because they just feel like
that's not what my intention is I
I want to create I wanna share
story over here that you will relate
with but for me at that time in 2013 I
was like okay where does someone like me
who works independently like a
freelancer does where does someone like
me make friends so I had a friend
recommend that why don't you join some
classes and I had really really been
meaning to and wanting to join dance
classes I was like okay that's a
fantastic idea so I joined dance classes
at some point actually I landed up
joining these dance classes in 2014
by then I had also just started
dating Gerry and I had also signed a
contract with channel V to be a VJ for
one of their TV shows and travel across
country which was a lot a lot of fun so
suddenly I was making friends I got to
meet Gerry's friends I was expanding my
social circle and because Gerry and I
have an 11-year age gap I've got to meet
a lot of people from his life who are older
than me some of whom have become my very
good friends today six years later and I
have realized just in a nutshell that I
get along with people
I've always known this but like just
externalization I get along people who
are older so well I also get along with
people more like younger like Mridul
for example who is almost 22 23
she is also so mature I get along with
people who are older so much more and
that's because everyone always said I
was an old soul and it took me so many
years to really get the grasp of what
that meant so I was coming to was my
approach towards friendships and how
they've changed over the years I think
when we're in school and college na like
in general we just tend to make friends
with the people that you have access to
like your tuition friend or your classmate or your college friend or
someone who's in the same you know
lectures as you or something like that
as you get older you realize that you
don't necessarily need to become best
friends with these people or like yes
you spend time with certain people but
certain people just land up staying hang
out friends
okay so B actually came up with this
terminology that she shared with me
which makes so much sense to me there
are short dosage friend
and then there are little long dosage friends right and
that makes so much sense so people you
hang out with every once in a while in a
group dynamic are usually your short
dosage friends like if you're meeting
them you probably meet them in a group
setting or you wouldn't go like on a
one-on-one hang out with them I think
that what I realized is that I've
actually learned to finally observe and
absorb who falls into what category it
sounds really systematic and analytical
when I'm saying it I know but I've
really gotten into things like observing
your own energy and actually reading
this book by Vex King which is good
life's good vibes I'm sure good vibes good life
I'm sure you've heard of it and I've
been reading it and I've actually been
going really slow cuz I'm rereading
certain chapters and that book is just
making so much sense into my life like
I'm taking the effort of observing
around who my mood is automatically
better like around who my mood is just
uplifted because they exist in my
surroundings like for example I do have
certain friends in my life around which
suddenly you will just notice your
energy is a little low like your
frequency just drops and it's normal
it's okay cuz not all vibes are meant to
be on the same frequency like Vex's
gives a brilliant example in this book
where he is like being on the same
frequency is so important you might be
trying to tune into a certain radio
station but being one point off will
make you hear a completely different
radio station and it's
okay like it's normal for that to happen
so you need to make sure that the kind
of people you are allowing into your
life and when I say allowing into your
life I don't mean you should be like snob and a snout please don't be that
please be there for everyone we need
kindness we need empathy we need more
compassion in this world but what I mean
by allowing into your life is people you
are sharing your secrets with people you
are sharing your life with people who
you're talking to maybe on a daily basis
maybe on alternate days maybe twice a
week doesn't matter
the people who are you who you are
really sharing the on wings of your life
with make sure they're on the same
wavelength as you because you don't want
people to judge you there are enough
judging vali aunties in a society we
don't need more of those in our lives so
if you're going to share things with
people make sure it's because they
empathize with you not because you're
giving them something to gossip about
later and you know the people who are
good for you in your life you know at
the back of your brain you know oh this
person is always giving me honest
feedback but I am the kind of friend
that gives tough love I will be there
for you I will hear you cry I will be
that shoulder you can lean on cry on but
when you ask me for advice I will be
very very honest that's just who I am by
nature and it works for some people and
it doesn't work for some people like I
will give honest feedback like for example
even when I did my blogging workshop
with you guys like with so many new
creators with 130 I think creators last
in like March no not March in like April
May I gave honest feedback for some of
the pages that I went through and I was
like look this is great but this is not
great don't do this because see you even
your numbers are dropping
so I feel like even as a friend it
becomes my responsibility if you ask me
for genuine honest feedback on something
to give you the truth and if that truth
is harsh then it's still my
responsibility to deliver it to you with
love but deliver the truth to you
nevertheless you know one of the other
things that is always an ongoing
conversation around me with friendships
is and I did not realize this for a very
very long time is because I am somewhat
of a public figure at this point in my
life how do you know who is becoming
friends with you to actually be friends
with you versus being friends with you
for you know whatever underlying
intention I think that this is a very
like intuition based answer like for me
I feel like I've always been someone who
has followed my gut who I always
followed my instincts and I'm gonna
circle back to saying that you always
know at the back of your mind those
vibes vibes don't like vibes
do not lie they will tell you who is
making you feel good with an underlying
intention versus who's doing it you know
otherwise not to say that I've never
been wrong I have for sure been wrong in
judging that in the past a couple of
times but I still feel like just truly
understanding and listening to your mind
is so important like my like my
subconscious it speaks to me in my mother's
voice so I don't ignore it
I can never ignore it my mom's
voice comes to me my conscience talks
to me in my mom's voice and gives me advice
all the time so my my own mind is giving
me advice in my mom's in my mom's voice
and that makes me feel like more that
it's right and then I need
do listen to it so listen to what your heart and
your mind are coming together and telling
you that's your gut that's your instinct
don't ignore your instinct that's so
important for everything in life
including managing your friendships for sure
can I just take a moment over here randomly
I know but to appreciate how good this
is feeling for me like holler to Mridul
by the way if you're still
watching below um that this is actually
something that I wanted to do but I
never really thought I just assumed
people know this stuff or that people
might not be interested in it coming
from me because you come to me for
beauty and you come to me for fashion
and you come to me for my vlogs and I
don't want to sound preachy and never
want to sound preachy but right please
give me honest feedback honest thoughts
in the comments below telling me whether
you enjoy hearing these stories and
anecdotes of my life and if they
actually seem helpful
like Mridul was telling me I should do
like another one on like heartbreaks and
stuff of course I've had heartbreaks
I've had friendships that have been
heartbreaking and I had literal heartbreaks
before also like I'm a Gerry's not the
first boy I dated and I feel like I can
be slightly awkward talking about it but
if so many of you out there think you
want to know things that it might help
you with your relationships I would be
very glad to sit down and talk about it
hell I would be open to Gerry and me
both sitting and talking about even his
heart breaks before me are just saying
doing like so many times I have received
relationship-based like emails from you
guys and I try to respond to many of
them diplomatically because I don't
think I know you enough unfortunately I
don't know you enough to give you
specific advice that I would give to a
friend maybe because I'm everybody's agony aunt like I said I am mummy of all groups
but it's also one of those things
where I don't want to be giving you
advice that may not fit your life like
that's not right that's not fair I
shouldn't be giving you advice based on
half-baked information or limited
information you know what I mean like
yesterday when we all heard about
sushant singh rajput's unfortunate very
unfortunate suicide one of the first
things that hit my mind was oh my god
like I wonder if he had health I wonder
if he had someone in his life he could
confide it I wonder if he ever
considered therapy and obviously we
don't know and we'll never know these
are just thoughts but we have to not
keep that as the filter we have to be
sensitive towards everyone irrespective
we have to be able to give love to
people and be kind and accept
friendships and give friendships and
just do things without ulterior motives
you know just be kind to people because
they're humans not because they come
from a certain strata of society or
because in some way you're hoping to
benefit from it like you just have to be
nice and kind to everyone as I'm filming
this I'm like wow this feels light and
stuff but like I hope you guys find this
useful ultimately this is something that
I'm sharing for you guys it's something
that if you guys receive well I will you
more off sometimes we go through so many
things without realizing like we're
going through them and as I'm speaking
about it today after so long obviously
I'm really having some of this in my
mind I'm happy about most of it because
so many of these things have been
memories lessons they've helped me grow
and I know I sound like one dadi ma when I'm saying this when I'm only
actually twenty nine but I have the
opportunity to see my fair share
learn my fair share and in some cases maybe
even more than my fair share and that's
okay I feel like maybe I was meant to
live all those things to share them with
you to help you absorb things more
hopefully help you not need to learn
those lessons at all I realized that I
definitely need to be more open about
these things as well because I'm open
about so many things my life is
literally out there for you guys to see
through blogs through my series of
videos that I do with Gerry but I feel
like I feel like I've finally come to a
place in my head and in my heart where
I'm okay with talking about a lot of
these things I will never take memes of
people because I never want to shame
them and I never want to make them feel
embarrassed or just to maintain privacy
just basically also but I am so open
I'm feeling more ready you know to talk
about these things to talk about my
experiences good and bad I know that I'm
a very emotional person and I actually I
cry at the drop of a hat which is a huge
problem in any case with half of mine
being able to tell these stories but
that's something for me to work on for
me like I cry because it makes me feel
better like it doesn't make you weak if
you cry a lot in case you can relate to
this crying a lot does not make you weak
it just makes you more expressive and
actually for me it makes me feel lighter
and I don't feel weak when I try at all
okay so I went ahead and did my lipstick
really quickly on the side and this is
what the final look is like I'm feeling
really nice and like talking to you guys
I feel like this was really great for me
I said this earlier I know but I want to
hear your thoughts down below in the
comments
god I really hope I'm okay you're
hitting publish on this video because
like I'm sharing so many things with you
guys and I'm feeling ready about it
which is really great but I'm also
really nervous cuz I feel like this is
going to line up in a long video and
that whole understanding the YouTube
algorithm of short to long
is just such a process for me I'm still
navigating like I said but give me your
thoughts if you think any of this will
be helpful for your girlfriends please go
ahead and share this video with them I
will keep doing my regular beauty and
blogs and videos with Gerry and stuff
like that but I will definitely make
more of an effort to be open and share
this kind of stuff with you as well if
you find that it's helpful thank you
thank you so much for watching this
video reminder to turn those bell
notifications on and turn on your
notifications of the YouTube app on your
phone as well and the settings cuz for
those of you who say you're not getting
the alerts that's probably why I will
see you guys in my next video thank you
so much for watching I love you all
please be kind be compassionate love
take love receiving love is as important
as giving love and just be there for one
another I'm there for you that I can
promise
