Can you imagine though, if you kept every
single person in your life that has ever been there?
It would be impossible, you couldn't juggle
it.
Your friends from 1st grade, 2nd grade, 3rd
grade, and then in college and high school
and every relationship you've ever had.
You just can't hold onto everybody.
Monster came at a time when I was feeling
like I was losing a lot of people, and it
felt like a lot of different people and a
lot of different directions.
And it felt like I was doing something inherently
bad, or I did something wrong.
And there comes a point, if you're having
problems with people, where you have to ask
yourself, is it me, am I the reason.
Because sometimes it's hard to see things
from another person's perspective, so that's
just that self-analysis.
Obviously nobody else is here with me in this
bed.
But it's also supposed to be a play on words,
when people say, "You made your bed, now lie in it."
I made this bed, I'm laying in it all by myself,
I made it by myself, nobody else helped me here.
I'm the type of person who, if I love you
and I care about you, and you're a part of
my life, I never want to lose you no matter
what.
The fact of the matter is, in life, naturally
people just fall out.
And sometimes it's not a fight, sometimes
there's nothing that happened, you just grow
apart, and that's okay.
But because of who I am, it's really hard
for me to accept that.
So whenever that does happen, in my head,
I'm just like, "I hope you miss me."
It's not a relationship, it's not just a friendship,
it's not just family, it's any situation where
you lose someone you care about.
That line, "People want to talk when I'm not
around to hear," means a few things.
One is, obviously gossip and rumors, but a
lot of it too is when people can't just confront
you about a problem.
Sometimes it's easier for people to just cut
you out, instead of say, "Hey, I didn't really
like this, I don't really like when you do
this."
They're all talking amongst each other and
not to you.
And the, "Really they don't know what I'm
made of," also means two things.
It means you don't know what I got, I'm tougher
than you think, but it also was supposed to
be a deeper meaning on DNA.
That's a deeper history that I never get into
online.
I will someday, but just a little hint for
my followers of what's to come.
The thing with the line, "Clearly I'm the
one they're afraid of," is there is no reason
that you can pick out, it's just like, clearly
it's me.
Whether it is or isn't, it's the feeling of
blaming yourself for everything.
But it's hard not to feel that way when people
either ghost you or cut you out, or whatever
it is, you start to blame yourself.
I feel like ever since I was a child, whether
it's family or groups of friends or being
bullied or relationships, it feels like it's
a revolving door.
At the time when I was writing this song,
it didn't feel like that's a normal part of
life, and thankfully since then, I've realized
that is a part of life.
Sometimes relationships just don't work out,
because they don't work out.
And it's not your fault and it's not my fault,
it's both of us together that just doesn't work.
I think the imagery for this song really,
because of where I was feeling at the time,
was a very scared little girl and very vulnerable
and small.
And when you think about what is scary to
a small child, it's a monster under your bed.
You see a lot of that imagery throughout the
rest of the song.
"You won't be the last one to leave," is definitely
a self-fulfilling prophecy.
It's just a negative mindset of being used to a certain
thing, being used to goodbyes.
Not believing that you're worth sticking around
for.
You know at some point, because there is comfort
in goodbyes, you might force that upon the
situation too.
One way to look at this is talking to yourself,
and saying to yourself, "It's okay, it's fine."
But then another is talking to the person
who's afraid of you, but then another way
is talking to the person who's actually hurting
you.
And the word, "Cover now," isn't just your
blankets, obviously that's the imagery I chose
to use, but it's also the cover as in the
coverup.
A lot of times people will paint you to be
somebody you're not to fit their narrative,
and you don't need to hide under that, you
can just be honest.
It's really begging the listener to stay in
my life and give me a chance, and trust me.
I'm not that scary, I promise, even if I look
scary, I promise, I'm just this scared little
vulnerable thing.
I don't even have a heart, I'm so sad.
