Hello, in this video I'm going to guide
you to write a compassionate letter to
yourself.
The American psychologist James W.
Pennebaker
found that writing about things that we
struggle with can have a positive
impact on our psychological and physical
health.
Now in compassionate mind training we
use Pennebaker's insights but with a
slight twist.
So we learn to write about our
difficulties from
our compassionate self the part of us
that can bring sensitivity and wisdom to
suffering.
Now your letter is going to be addressed
to yourself so nobody else is going to
read it so it
really doesn't matter about grammar,
spelling, sentence construction so don't
get too
caught up with that. So it's the actual
act of writing a letter that's important.
In this video I'm going to discuss 10
steps to guide you
to write a compassionate letter to
yourself.
Now although it can be helpful to take
the steps in order you don't have to be
fixed or rigid about this,
so use the steps as a guide and feel
free to change the steps
to make this work for you.  So step one
engage your compassionate mind.
The first step in compassionate letter
writing
involves connecting with the part of you
that's actually going to write this
letter so your compassionate self. 
So at this point it can be helpful to
find a quiet
space and take a few moments connecting
with your soothing breathing rhythm.  Now
if you're not sure what this
means you might want to watch my video
on soothing rhythm breathing which is
detailed on the card above.
But quite simply you're slowing down and
deepening the breath
until you find a soothing breathing
rhythm. 
So step two motivation why am I writing
this letter?
So before writing anything it can be
helpful to think about your motivation
for writing
a compassionate letter to yourself.  So
having
already connected with your
compassionate self in step
one see if you can connect with your
motivation for example your motivation
may be to
have empathy for your struggles or to be
more tolerant of your distress
or quite simply it may be to have more
compassion
towards yourself it doesn't have to be
anything complicated.
Step three begin the letter and identify
a difficulty. 
So first of all remember to direct the
letter to yourself
so If i'm writing a letter to myself I
might start it with "Dear Teresa"
or "Hi Teresa" or you can even start it
with
"Dear me" see what feels okay for you.
Then we're identifying a problem or
difficulty that you're struggling with
and you then outline this in your letter
for example you could write about an
issue that tends to make you feel
inadequate or bad about yourself
for example your physical appearance,
your weight or you might
write about a work issue or relationship
issue. Try to cultivate a compassionate and
encouraging tone
so think about the words that you use
as if talking
talking to a good friend
or a loved one so that's the sort of
language we want to use. 
In the letter
validate and have empathy for your
struggle
so it can be very helpful to validate
your feelings and struggles so
acknowledging
this is a really difficult time right
now and perhaps consider the events that
cause the issue
for example maybe your childhood wasn't
very good and this contributed to your
current problem
or maybe you've been bullied or perhaps
you have a really critical
partner.  So you already have a think
about that. 
Step five understand your attempts to
manage your threat system
it's not your fault. So in this step
you're recognising that when your threat
system is activated you'll engage in a
variety of
safety or protective behaviours to manage
the threat
so this can cause you to eat more to
drink more you might overwork,
you could be arguing with your partner
and so forth
so it can be helpful if your letter
acknowledges these attempts and any
negative consequences that usually arise
from these safety or protective
behaviours.
And it's really important that you
acknowledge these consequences are
unintended and not your fault,
they're simply a result of how you've
been trying to manage
and your difficulty and your problem.
Step six
take responsibility.  While it's not
your fault
that you get caught up in various safety
strategies
it's your responsibility to develop the
skills to manage these difficulties in a
more helpful
or productive way.  So in step six
it can be helpful to tap into the
qualities of strength
and wisdom and a desire to approach
things in a different way. 
So here you might write about what you
could do
differently and focus on your commitment
to change. 
Now when I talk about taking
responsibility it's really
important that you don't get caught up
in blame or self-criticism because I
think that's really
easy to go down that route. So what we're
 trying to do
is shift our perspective from one that
it's self-critical
to one that is self-compassionate.
Step seven explore how to help
compassionate thoughts and action. 
Now that you've started to commit to
change it can be helpful to see how the
compassionate mind can help
guide you through this difficulty and
take steps towards
change for example you might write about
your plan to cut down on
alcohol, to eat healthy food, to practice
yoga
or meditation so basically you're
writing about what constructive action
you're taking towards change.  Step eight
work with blocks and step backs.  The
process of change isn't always smooth so
it can be helpful to consider what
difficulties or setbacks you might
experience
in your attempts to bring about change
so
for example you might write about
keeping a mindful eye on your thoughts
feelings and behaviours as this will give
you an early warning sign if you start
to revert back to unhelpful
coping strategies.  You may also
write about your plan to do some
exercise or
meet with friends rather than drink so
in this section you're reflecting on
what
blocks may come up and what you can put
in place
to manage any blocks or setbacks.
Step nine compassionate commitment to
bringing change.
The purpose of this step is to convey a
sense of commitment to the process of
change
or the process of supporting yourself so
express your intention
and commitment to take steps to deal
with this difficult situation
in a different way.  Step 10
compassionate reading.  So when you've
finished writing your letter there's one
final step which is to read the letter
back to yourself.
Now you might want to put it aside for a
few days and
read it later or you might want to read
it straight away
and you can do it out loud you can read
it in your head.
Again there are no rules either way the
key is to read it from a compassionate
part of you,
the compassionate self.  It's important to
take your time and read the letter in a
compassionate
warm and caring tone so don't rush it,
take your time and connect with words
feelings and the intention behind the
letter.
Don't criticize it, don't judge the
grammar
or the spelling it really doesn't matter. 
You've written the letter with
honesty and openness. 
So why not have a go at compassionate
letter writing? You don't have to
include all the steps if you don't feel
they're relevant.
Just find a piece of paper and have a go
at
writing a compassionate letter to
yourself
and again just feel free to tailor this
exercise and write it in a way that
works
for you so there's no right way of doing
this
and experiment and play around with the
process.
So I hope you've enjoyed this exercise
and for more compassion focussed therapy
exercises
please subscribe to my YouTube channel.  I
look forward to seeing you soon.
