 
Everything Is Something's Food

### by Randall Schanze

_Copyright ©_ _2012, 2018 by Randall Schanze, All Rights Reserved_

**Smashwords ISBN:** 978-1311721464

**Smashwords Edition, License Statement**

This ebook is licensed for your personal enjoyment only. This ebook may not be re-sold or given away to other people. If you would like to share this book with another person, please purchase an additional copy for each reader. If you're reading this book and did not purchase it, or it was not purchased for your use only, then please return to Smashwords.com and purchase your own copy. Thank you for respecting the hard work of this author.

###  Introduction

I'm not a lyrical genius.

I've been in a lot of bands since 1988, however, and I'm a fair songwriter. I'd grade most of my stuff "B" or "C." I have my "A" moments, and there's plenty sub-"F" efforts. I'll spare you those.

It never would have occurred to me to print up my lyrics in book form. That's something pretentious people do with poems, and I'm nowhere near arrogant enough to assume my goofy verse is poetry, though occasionally, rarely, I come close. Very rarely.

A week or so after publishing my third book ("It's Not Rocket Science") my tech/editor friend sent me an e-mail saying "I've got your next book all ready to go. It's called 'The Complete Lyrics of Randall Schanze.' I'm just joking of course, but maybe I'm not. Look through the attached file and let me know what you think." (I paraphrase a bit.) The file was an archive of song lyrics I'd sent him over the last half decade or so.

My initial reaction was "Oh, come on!" The more he talked about it, however, the more I warmed to the idea. As he explained it, a lot of these songs were really old–some dating back to the '80s–most never recorded, some only played live a few times, a few never made it out of rehearsals. The majority are forgotten or only half-remembered in the drug-addled minds of some of our (and less frequently "my") fans. Dave, my buddy, explained that putting 'em out there in book form would give all this stuff a life beyond a file on his computer and some dusty notebooks in my garage. Also, it would copyright everything all at once, so that was a bonus.

To make this whole exercise somewhat less lame, I've de-lyricised the songs somewhat. I left in one chorus per song, and took out the repeats unless there was a specific reason to do so, and I took out the music notes and the "Oooh-oooh tra-la-la [handclap]" backing vocals stuff since there's little in life more difficult than reading that with a straight face.

So here you are.

UPDATE: This revised edition contains added lyrics and poems from old notes I dug up, plus several new poems I've continued to write since this was first put together. There is no table contents, there's just too many, but it's still in (mostly) alphabetical order, including ones that start with The or just an A, which is usually not the case when sorting, but it was easier that way. One exception is two versions of a poem that are meant to go together, but were separated in the first version, which was confusing.

###  A Kind of Time Travel

(7/3/08)

He hears "Come on, Eileen" and cringes  
It's played just far too many times  
That all it evoked for him unhinges  
Less meaning than clanging chimes

It's never about the music  
Nor about the scene

He hears Eddie Rabbit  
And thinks of 8th grade in Oldsmar  
Mobile homes the school inhabited.  
Simpler times by far.

It's not about the fashions  
Or what the lyrics mean

He hears The Cars  
And remembers walking in the back yard,  
That fat chick dragging him off to the bars  
But loses the as his thoughts are jarred

It's not about the songs  
Whether profane or sublime

And late at night he hears The Fixx  
He went to Wednesday night service to be near her  
She hit him like a ton of bricks  
Though he loved her, she never did quite concur

It's never about the music  
Nor about the scene  
Nor the fashions  
Or what the lyrics mean  
It's not about the songs  
Whether profane or sublime  
In the end it's all about  
Anchoring yourself in time.

###  A People Person

(6/27/08)

He likes coffee  
Though he never mentioned it  
Till after he was dead  
When they finally got him  
They set up a pike  
For his meticulously coiffed head

And he laughs when you say he's a monster  
In a demeanor that's disarmingly snappy  
He'll confess to your friends  
That in the end,  
He just wanted to make people happy

He had it coming  
His life caused the death  
Of fifty billion or more  
He lost his family  
Which still doesn't justify  
Volunteering for all the shadows had in store

Then it ended  
Not just for that once  
But for all time  
And that moment  
When his fake smile finally cracked  
Was kinda sublime

And he laughs when you say he's a monster  
In a way that borders on sappy  
He'll confess to the gambling buddy of  
His only friend that  
He just wanted to make people happy

###  A Pointless Experiment

(6/20/08)  
New Port Richey

I thought I would write a song in Esperanto.  
It was just a little experiment to see how it would go.  
It should not be too hard because as everyone knows, every noun ends in an "O".  
Every person, place, or thing, whether it crawl, dance or sing, they all end in an "O" in Esperanto.

Professor Zamenhoff had a good idea,  
(By which I mean pointless and useless and asinine)  
To create a new language for no good reason.  
But that does not mean it was not worth trying.

I do not speak the language, but that is just fine.  
I can push around syllables and make them rhyme with an online translator in my own good time.

###  Sencela Eksperimento

Mi pensis Min ..us kompon kanton en Esperanto.  
Tio nur estas malgranda eksperimento  
Vidi kiel estus iri. (ĝi) ne devus esti tro  
Malfacila ĉar kiel ĉiuj scias, ĉiu substantivo fin en "O".  
Ĉiu persono, loko, aŭ afero, kastrita virŝafo  
Gi ramp, danco aŭ kant, ili ĉiuj ..n finis "O"  
En Esperanto.

Profesoro Zamenhoff havis bonan ideon,  
(Per kiu tio estas sencela kaj senutila kaj assinine)  
Al kre nova lingvo sen pravigebla motivo. Sed tio  
Ne signifas ĝin ne estis merit provanta. Mi ne paroli la lingvon, sed tio

Estas ĵus bona. mi povas puŝi ĉirkaŭ silaboj kaj ..ig  
Ilin rimo kun enreta tradukisto  
En mia propra bona tempo.

### A Safe Kind of Fear

I remember all of those bombs  
Always pointed at my head  
The paranoia of knowing that  
Three hundred million people wanted me dead

But I felt safe,  
Yeah, I felt safer then

Soviet trawlers in the Gulf of Mexico  
I'd see them three miles out from the beach  
Praying for that Ragnarok  
That would forever remain out of reach

It was a good life  
It was better then

I, I remember  
Walking by the Berlin Wall  
At the Hard Rock Cafe in Orlando  
By the Eternal Flame  
That didn't burn for long

I miss the Cold War  
It was a safe kind of fear  
I miss the Cold War  
I ain't felt safe since then.

### A Small Price for Immortality

(8/7/16)

I been saving my hair clippings for your witchcraft  
I think I've got a pound or two  
If you want fingernail clippings or jars of urine  
I can help you out there, too

My friends have all learned not to raid my fridge  
I think it's kinda funny  
So if you'd like some of my special that's-not-lemonade  
I won't charge you very much money

Cuz I been thinkin' bout the great hereafter  
And it doesn't seem so very long  
Til the here and now becomes the bye-and-bye  
And I'm not sure if it's right or wrong

So if you want to peek into outer darkness  
I'm interested in what you may find  
And though I'm not about to do it for myself  
I'll gladly facilitate you and your kind

Black candles, chalk and goat's blood  
You don't need to pay retail price  
The baby's teeth are over by the big knives  
And the alligator wine is very nice

If you somehow swing resurrection of the dead  
Could you ask them some questions for me?  
But when you dig a grave to put him back down  
Experience says You'd better dig two or three

After you're done flying on your broomstick  
Just remember to tell me what you see  
And if it happens that you end up damned, well  
That's a small price for immortality

No, I'm not going to risk my soul on this crap  
But if you wanna try, please feel free  
I only want your money and some feedback  
That's a small price for immortality

###  A Southerner's Formal, if Wrongheaded, Apology

(7/4/08)

I'd like to formally apologize  
For my people and myself  
For treatin' y'all as wealth  
And puttin' our morals on the shelf  
Because I don't really know if anyone else has

At least not in this way  
If we can hold the past at bay  
Build something that'll stay  
So if you can forgive us, that'd mean a lot

I won't ask you to forget  
We ain't earned that yet  
And I could be all wet  
But I don't think I'm alone when I say lately

Things been goin' wrong  
For just a little bit too long  
But I want you along  
As equal partners in whatever it is

The future has in store  
It won't be like before  
Forget the days of yore  
'Cuz I miss when Petty would sing "Rebels"  
And my black friends would sing along  
Sing it loud and sing it strong  
'Cuz that's a helluva song  
You're our brothers, our partner, our allies

And we need you these days  
A new future we will blaze  
As we beat up on the gays...

###  A Very Strange Kind of Gay

(6/25/09)

He had one who claimed she slept with Elvis  
Two who did Simon Le Bon  
Three who nailed Mister Chris Isaac  
And that Galactica actress who had that Eagle named "Don"

He's obviously heterosexual  
He brags about it every day  
But his odd quest to go where specific men have gone before  
Strikes me as a very strange kind of gay.

There were four who made it with Rod Stewart  
Five for both Kid and Play  
Six who did Nikki Sixx  
And the one who did George Michael before he went gay

He says everybody has their hobbies  
He says the girls talk a lot about the old days  
Undeniably he gets a lot of great looking women, but it still  
Strikes me as a very strange kind of gay.

He says they're oh so handsome and so talented  
And he wants to be with them some day  
Then he catches himself and says he just meant "Like them"  
And I try not to laugh as he dashes away

So there were seven for Michael Bolton  
And eight among the members of Cheap Trick  
Nine of them just for Markie Mark  
And that one from Bowie who clearly wasn't born a chick

If these women could get those guys  
Then he feels he must be as good as them any day  
But his uncomfortable quest for validation  
Strikes me as a very strange kind of gay.

### Allons-y Alonzo

(11/21/09)

It's just your stupid catch phrase  
It don't mean a thing  
Random words that sound the same  
You think they dance and sing  
You always talk about travel  
And leaving your troubles behind  
You distract yourself with new troubles  
So your old friends won't mind

So Allons-y Alonzo  
I don't care  
When or where you go  
All I know  
Is when you blow  
Get me out of here

Save the world before breakfast  
But you don't have a home  
Well I've got one I can't stand  
And you can't be left alone

Not to put too much pressure on you, of course  
Not to treat you like some cosmic last hope  
Not that I've got anything to keep me going  
Not that you couldn't throw me a rope

So Allons-y Alonzo  
I don't care  
When or where you go  
All I know  
Is when you blow  
Is when you blow  
Get me out of here

Please get me the hell out of here

###  And Together We Shall Rule the World

(6/23/09)

I like you  
'Cuz you're just like me  
The others are not  
But they soon shall be  
For the revolution  
Has begun and  
Like it or not  
We shall be as one

We shall laugh and we shall talk at the same time  
And together we shall rule the world.

I hate them  
'Cuz they're not like you  
Nor do they want to be  
It makes me blue  
Their next independent thought  
Will be their last  
Mind control will  
Keep them on the path

We shall laugh and we shall talk at the same time  
And together we shall rule the world.

And I can chop up the cucumbers  
Because I'm really good at it  
And I've practiced my knife wielding  
Maniac stammer since 1982  
C-c-c-c-cutlery. That'll do.

We shall laugh and we shall talk at the same time  
We shall run and we shall walk at the same time  
We shall be deposed and die at the same time  
But together we shall have ruled the world  
Yes, together, yes, together, yes, together  
We shall rule, we shall rule, we shall rule  
The world!

###  Andrew

(6/21/08)

Have a seat  
Call me Andrew  
Or you can call me Ishmael.  
It's not clear if I'm real or not  
So any name works just as well

A convenient bridge between the Crier and the Lamb  
A simple plot device  
Is that really all I am?

They say  
I was first of the dozen  
Or was three, or fifteen? Seventy-two?  
The past is a vague gray sky  
And even those who pray to me each November  
Can't seem to remember why

And it's so strange to be alive inside so many minds  
And so unsure if I was ever alive at all  
I won't tell anyone  
But just for myself, I'd like to know.

So, the crux decussatta of the problem is  
No one really knows who I was or what I did  
To be so important and disappear so quickly  
As if someone wants me hid

A convenient bridge between the Crier and the Lamb  
A simple plot device  
Is that really all I am?

No, really, I'm asking you:  
Is that really what I am?

###  Are We Alive?

(October 1988)

When I see you cut your finger  
Why is it I feel no knife? No guilt? No Anger?  
When you see the pain I always live in  
Why doesn't your stupid smile ever dim?

It's seems it's just "You" and "I" forever  
"Us" is an invasion of privacy.  
People talk but we don't hear  
So I wonder if we're really alive, you see.

Are we alive?

Or are we just reflex machines  
We just react, no idea what it all means

-we stand alone in crowds  
-we ignore each other by having sex  
-lifeboats in a sea of perception  
-a thousand years trapped in this frame  
-if I could see through your eyes  
-if I could wear you like a suit  
-if you could climb inside me  
-and feel the hum of my soul  
-but maybe it's not built into the machine  
-or maybe that's what love really is

###  Arrogant Love

8/22/08

I believe you're right,  
But even if you're wrong  
I'll gladly burn with you  
Even if our passion eternal  
Brings an afterlife infernal  
I still wanna make arrogant love with you.

But really what kind of God  
Would damn us for a love so strong  
We don't care if it's right or wrong?  
Not that we believe in him  
That's a thing only chumps would do.  
But I'll believe in whatever you tell me to.

And fifteen years from now  
I'll be a Presbyterian deacon who cheats on his taxes  
And can't remember your last name  
You'll be a saggy ex-stripper who works in a diner  
But at least we'll always have our shame  
But for right now....

I believe you're right,  
But even if you're wrong  
I'll gladly burn with you  
Even if our passion eternal  
Brings an afterlife infernal  
I still wanna make arrogant love with you.

###  Ass-Crack Tattoo

(12/22/09)

She got an unfortunate tattoo  
The kind that winks out at you  
When she's wearing those jeans  
And bends over, as it seems  
She is prone to do.

You can see it plain at the beach  
On leathery skin, hair badly bleached  
Tribal on the small of her back  
Generic Celtic and black  
'Neath the sunburned spot she can't quite reach  
With the lotion.

And if you're more than five feet away  
Or perhaps just a bit nearsighted  
It looks like a patch of black hair  
Or perhaps like she had trouble wiping

Well it seemed the wise choice at the time  
Though she was admittedly drunk out of her mind  
And it hurt her like hell  
So she passed out and fell  
And her laughing friends were so unkind

### Astrology

(6/30/16)

Summer is ten thousand days long  
Then one morning  
Without warning  
It's cold

And the stars wink at you  
But Venus always stares  
And the word for 'sky' and 'metal' are the same  
And she left, but you've long forgotten her name

But really there never was a 'she'  
Just young fantasy  
Of what the future might be  
But you're old

And the stars smirk down at you  
But bloodshot Mars only stares  
And the vast open sky is made of metal  
What else could hold up something so large up there?

Every night you dream of Persia  
With fragrant grove  
And airborn song  
Every night you want to stay  
But you wake up  
And it's gone

Every night you're back In Persia  
Where flooded zigurats  
House elegant gongs  
And the Chinvat bridge spans the cavern

It doesn't seem  
So very long

And the stars are laughing at you  
But you can dare Saturn to blink  
And the endless sky is made of metal  
And the realization makes you think:  
"I want to stand on top of it."

###  The Auntie-Christ

(5/18/08)  
New Port Richey

They ignore the Son of God  
They'd rather talk about His mom  
Making Him a poor second to Santa Claus

The Son of God is not dead  
But they'd rather talk to His mom instead  
Ignoring all the things He said  
For what they think He meant

Take the greatest rebel of all time  
Twist and bend him around in your mind  
'Till He's just a silly hippie singing 'bout love  
Kind of like your maiden aunt from above

We don't want the Son of God  
Give us the Auntie-Christ  
We want someone who won't make us feel bad  
Give us the Auntie-Christ

Yes, He talks about love and compassion  
But duty and honor too  
If you preach one without the other  
You can talk until you turn blue

So go artists, emasculate the Son  
There won't be much left when you're done  
He's got long hair and no beard as he holds the sheep  
His carpenter's hands manicured and weak  
More like a nanny than the Man some seek  
And underneath those robes  
Did you give Him a hint of breasts?

The past is lost and I suppose that's the point.

Maybe He's your copilot  
Maybe He's your friend  
But a sense of awe  
Would be nice now and again

###  Babylon

(1989)

Flooded and desolate, sinking into the ground  
Abandoned and burning, slowly falling down  
The merchants curse her, the children run away  
The women lament her amidst the decay  
Thirty seven children and thirteen men  
Try one night to put the city together again  
Avenging her death, they fight to survive  
In protest and wrath the earth does rise  
In the midst of the churning, the truth and the lies  
In the midst of the dying, still she survives  
Valiantly they fight, but it will end in futility and sand  
She is destined to be worse than when she began  
Faster she slides, and soon she will die  
Amidst the rubble, alas, poor Babylon lies.

### Ballet

(8/29/16)  
New Port Richey

I never loved you  
But I think about you  
A surprising amount  
Not every day  
Or every month  
But more than I could easily count

First time I saw you  
For some reason  
You were wearing ballet shoes  
Or are they called slippers?

I never asked why you wore them  
Was there nothing else you could use?  
I was in the hotel arcade  
Burning off some steam

From the worst date in my life  
I dropped something  
On my hands and knees  
Before I stood I saw your qualifications were rife

You weren't beautiful  
But you were quirky  
And you were cute as hell

I don't think you saw me  
When I was down there  
You smiled and said something funny  
I don't remember what it was  
You asked where the change machine was  
And I said "They don't use money."

You played a Pac-Man clone  
With the sound turned off  
"Without the sound cues, I can't play well now."  
I fiddled with the wires  
I got the speaker to work  
You looked me in the eyes and said, "wow."

You weren't beautiful  
But you were sweet  
And you were quirky as hell  
I thought  
I'd give it a shot  
Might as well

So we walked around  
The hotel pool  
For hours and hours  
And we talked  
But couldn't see the stars  
For all the condo towers

You had a little brother  
Spoke of Sesame Street  
And Oscar the grouch  
And how the show was  
Funnier than you think  
Half asleep on the couch

Serindipitously  
I'd heard of Oscar's work  
The first time that very same day  
And I think  
That barely knowing that  
Is what didn't scare you away

I told you about  
The worst date of my life  
I'd had earlier that night  
You laughed and told  
Some humiliating tale  
Of a similar plight

You weren't beautiful  
But you were charming  
And you were cute as hell  
But I know there's  
No way on earth  
You remember me as well.

Sometimes I remember  
You held my hand  
But I probably imagined that  
And you were spry  
Almost dancing as we walked  
You moved like a cat

And we both know  
You really really  
Wanted me to kiss you  
And we both knew  
I was really too scared  
To try to

After thirty plus years  
It would be stupid  
To regret not kissing you  
Nothing would have come of it  
And yet sometimes  
I think I do.

So I went  
To your room  
Around ten the next day  
You'd already  
Checked out  
And gone away

You weren't beautiful  
But you liked me  
And you were funny as hell  
I wasn't handsome  
But I was charming  
And you liked me as well

Here I am  
And you aren't  
And I can't remember your name  
And even  
If we'd made out  
It'd still have ended the same

Because you lived  
Somewhere  
Two hundred miles away  
And my folks and I  
Went home  
Later on that same day

But in a cynical time  
In my life  
I instantly liked you  
Screw the doomed romance  
I really could have used  
A friend like you

I believe if I'd gotten  
Your phone or address  
If I'd just scrambled for a pen  
We'd have talked  
For thirty years  
Though I'd never have seen you again

Because you weren't beautiful  
But you were quirky  
And you were cute as hell  
And I've wondered  
About you  
Too many times to tell

We wouldn't  
Have loved each other  
Never been man and wife  
But it's odd  
To miss someone  
Who was never really in your life

You weren't beautiful  
But you were quirky  
And you were cute as hell  
And I liked us laughing  
And the salt water air  
And your ballet shoes as well

I liked us laughing  
And the salt water air  
And your ballet shoes as well

I liked us laughing  
And the salt water air  
And your ballet shoes as well  
Or were they slippers?

###  Benjamin Disraeli

(7/1/94)

Late at night I lie awake and think of Benjamin Disraeli.  
"A liberal is a fool, a conservative has no heart," he said.  
Or on less pretentious nights think of John Varley,  
"A liberal is a conservative who has spent the night in jail,  
A conservative is a liberal who got mugged," I've read.

He's gonna overthrow the United States because all men are great  
All men are great in their dreams

The end has come the end has come He's got a gun  
The end has come He's gonna burn this whole place down,  
He's gonna take this stupid town,  
It's all corrupt so tear it up  
He hates it all, he hates his life,  
He's gonna tear it down tonight  
Tonight He's gonna tear it down.

He's 27 and washed up and living off his dad.  
He's got no future, pissed away his past, and soothingly mad  
Madder still is how trendy his alienation seems.  
If it's so cool to be so lost, why is he only great in my dreams?  
Forty thousand in education to no great end  
Excepting how articulate he is about his lack of friends  
His life, he thinks, has been a waste  
He's got bad hair and thrives on disgrace,  
He ain't going nowhere and all the chicks think he's gay

So he's gonna overthrow the United States because all men are great  
All men are great in their dreams

He personally knows two women named Lola who won't let him see them naked  
He personally knows his IQ is larger than the president of the United States  
He personally knows his ratty little ponytail is hopelessly out of date  
He personally knows that he's a complete and total waste of human skin  
He personally knows that I personally know that he personally knows it's never never never gonna change  
But all men are great in their dreams

### Blame it on the Moon

(6/21/08)

So your expectations are low  
Enough to bump your ass-  
-pirations on it, but that's the way it goes  
Wanderlust went away with  
Our last ounce of class

And we ain't been there in quite a while  
And now you're feeling a little bit betrayed  
'Cuz you got the genie back in the bottle again  
But the bottle never was quite the same  
And if you need somebody to blame  
Here it is:  
Blame it on the moon.

I see the moon, but the moon does not see me  
Trade a generation spanking it in L.E.O.  
For the glory of boots on every world you see  
Lock up the future, and throw away the key  
But then thinking clearly was never quite your style

So if you need somebody to blame  
'Cuz you stuffed the flames in the rocket again  
Yet space was never exactly the same  
So if you need somebody to blame  
Here it is:  
Blame it on the moon.

And if your hopes have all gone away  
And if tomorrow wasn't as good as yesterday?

So if you need somebody to blame  
For the choices your grandparents made  
That limit your horizons every time  
Yes, if you need somebody to blame  
Here it is:  
Blame it on the moon.

They threw away the moon.

###  Bluebird

(12/19/91)  
Probably Johnson City, TN

The bluebird of happiness showed up again  
As a feathery hairball coughed up by a cat  
Some friends if mine had  
Named 'Ivan the Terrible'

The happiness of sadness has left me again  
A heart-shaped hollow I think of far too much  
I lost all that a friend of mine says  
Made Tigger bounce-able

It's all so absurd  
Sometimes it seems  
it's all words  
And nothing means  
Anything it should  
Or so it seems

I'm not complaining, mind you  
Just wondering if there's some other way  
My heart and my life and my love and my wife  
is now only my friend  
The bluebird of sadness coughed up by a cat

And I'll wait forever for her,[*]  
It will be no trouble

Someday I'll be made whole

[*- In actual fact, I only waited about two years, then I felt much better]

###  Buggered by Aliens

(10/23/91)

Sometimes I get cold  
And tired as the night comes again  
Worthless telephone  
No one to call at 3AM

Some times I get scared  
And my mind runs away with me  
I feel so very old  
Days are long, but night comes anyway  
How have I gone so wrong  
I want to ditch myself and run away  
Sometimes I get scared and my mind plays tricks on me

Why do I feel so alone in my own home?  
Why do I feel so alone in my own bones?

Where I am I wish I was not  
Rivers running out of me  
Where you are I wish I was  
Perhaps you could comfort me

Where I am, I am  
And I wish I was anyone but me

And what of the night?  
When I sleep, what happens to me?  
Where do I go?  
What have I missed when I awake again?

Sometimes I get scared and sit up all night  
Let go of ego  
Will I be kidnapped by my large-headed friends?  
Will I wake to find  
I've been buggered by aliens?

Sometimes I get ridiculous and laugh all night  
Why am I so afraid of the things I've made  
Why am I so afraid of the dreamworld's serenade?

It's such a long way down, and I don't wanna fall  
It's such a long way down my mental hole  
It's such a long way up to my mental whole  
It's such a long way back to Germany and I don't wanna fall

So why can't I just have sex dreams like everyone else?

###  But I Wasn't

(12/11/91)  
Johnson City, TN

I was a good boy

She was my hope, she was my bride  
She was the reason I was ever alive  
She was my love, sh was my heart  
She was the girl that I battered apart

First we were lovers, then we were friends  
We swore that our passion would know no end

I was a good boy,  
But I wasn't.

She was my partner, I gave her my soul  
I hoped through her to be made finally whole  
I was her hope, she was my dream  
She overlooked the things I did to make her scream

We were always together, even when we were apart  
Yet somehow I never noticed how I broke her heart

I never, never, never thought she'd leave me  
I never never, never thought I'd go wrong  
I never, never, never, never, never, never, never  
Thought she'd leave me alone

Cuz I was foolish, but she was wise  
Her patience I wore away with my lies  
I never cheated, I never will  
I never did anything really bad, but still  
I never got a job, I never even tried  
But I told her I did, and I lost my bride

She never, never, never took handouts  
She never, never, never, let anyone in  
She never, never, never, never, never, never, never  
Should have trusted me, I'm guilty as sin

So I'm all alone in my tiny home  
Seeing I was evil, and so, so wrong  
It wasn't the job, it wasn't the lies  
Immature irresponsibility caused her cries

So now we're not lovers and we're sure not friends  
I'd gladly spend my life trying to win her back again

Because

I never, never, never stopped loving her  
I never, never, never much liked me  
I never, never, never, never, never, never, never

Can let her go, she's all of life to me [*]

[*- In actual fact, I did stop loving her about two years later. Both of us moved on to much better things, but this was my first real, bad, soul-crushing breakup.]

###  But Nobody Wants

(1/23/11)

Everybody wants to happy  
Everybody wants to be forever happy  
Everybody wants to be happy forever  
But nobody  
Wants to work for it.

Everybody wants to live forever  
Everybody wants to live forever  
Everybody wants to live forever  
But nobody  
Wants to get old

Everybody wants that trip to be good  
Everybody wants to take that good trip  
Everybody wants to buy the right ticket  
But nobody  
Wants to get it punched

And I ain't sayin' that I would  
And I ain't sayin' that you should  
I don't think anyone sane could  
Just remarking on it as it goes by

Everybody wants to go to heaven  
Everybody wants to go to heaven  
Everybody wants to go to heaven  
But nobody  
Wants to die

### Buyer's Market

Hey there, pleased to meet you,  
guess you know my name?  
You expected a man?  
I get that a lot  
But it's really me just the same.

Look in my eyes, not at my rack  
We've business to attend.  
I know what it is you'd like to do  
But your collateral  
Ain't good enough, my friend.

I understand you want to sell your soul  
But I'm afraid it's a buyer's market  
People are just throwing theirs away  
So I can't give you anything for it

Now, maybe if you played the fiddle  
And relocated down to Georgia,  
Otherwise I'm afraid my friend that  
The devil can't afford ya.

What'd you expect? Don't look so shocked!  
We're booked up through Judgment Day  
'Til that new expansion's built,  
We're gonna be turnin' folks away

Ain't no special treatment, boy,  
You know it ain't like on TV  
You folks have gotten so damn good  
At damning yourselves  
You don't need no goddamn help from me

### Byron

(6/20/08)

Everyone hates you 'cuz you suck  
A pale imitation of a much better man  
Who came not long before

And though it gets you some tail  
It seems forced, wrong and contrived  
And as martyrs go, you're piss-poor

Even your name is pretentious  
A periscope from an earlier draft of the script  
Though you may have had a point when they dreamt you up  
Contract negotiations meant your purpose was stripped

Please understand I'm not talking about your actor,  
But you're the part he was paid to play  
And though it's not his fault what you did  
You're the point where things went badly astray

It ends not in fire but in apathy  
Well – for everyone else – it does end in fire for you  
You wasted half our last year  
While you cried in your beer  
And told a parable about a willow for who  
Knows what reason or rhyme?  
As a Christ-figure you just won't do.

When your pathetic end came,  
I was glad for the flame  
For your presence was as brine  
And you wasted our time  
And we're all glad to be rid of you

###  Cartoons

(9/25/09)

Where were you  
When the black sun  
Wasn't enough?  
Where were you  
When the snake  
Ate Duke's heart?  
Where you there  
When Derek prayed to God  
To save Nova?  
Where you there  
When Rick gave the boot  
To Lin Minmei?

But you don't know  
And you don't care  
If you even knew  
You'd just stare  
'Cuz you're a grownup now  
And you've left yourself behind  
You're a grownup now  
And you want me to join you

They're two-dimensional  
But they've got more depth than you  
And you don't care  
About Cartoons

###  Clichés Come in Clouds

(6/25/08)

You are what you eat  
Suckle at the glass teat  
You can run but you can't hide  
When two worlds collide  
You know what they say  
"All work and no play"

There's a wolf at the door  
You're passed out on the floor  
You can work like a dog  
And still be slaughtered like a hog  
Is it your worst nightmare,  
That kind of foreign affair?

Sound and fury  
Signifying nothing

The ace in the hole:  
Touch it with a ten-foot pole  
You've got to know the ropes  
Don't give up your hopes  
Just let sleeping dogs lie  
Life's a bitch and then you die

Clichés come in clouds

### Coincidence

(9/4/16)  
New Port Richey

Born the same time  
The same place  
The same doctor  
Different parents  
Both unplanned  
Both unwanted  
Both up for grabs  
Different results

My coincidental sister  
Of the same situation  
Of the same station  
Of the same location  
In all but blood  
In all but name  
In all but luck

Our doctor  
Was my uncle  
Or soon would be  
He called his brother  
Who adopted me  
He offered him you, though  
They thought about it  
His brother and sister-in-law  
But they said no  
They wanted me

Fifty years later  
I got to wonder  
What about you  
My coincidental sister  
My momentary rival  
My first nemesis  
My first victory  
Was your first loss  
Or perhaps second.  
We were both unwanted  
By our parents after all

My dad is gone now  
My uncle too  
There's no way of telling  
What became of you  
But I can say  
The life you didn't get  
The life I took from you  
Is better than I deserved.  
I should feel guilty  
But I never thought of you  
Until I was waiting  
For the flood just now.

Sorry.  
I do hope it went well  
I hope the best happened for you  
I hope the life you got  
Was a good one  
I hope you're happy  
I hope I didn't ruin you  
Because of my legendary luck  
Because they just wanted a boy  
I hope you had a good life  
I hope you had fun  
I hope you found love  
I hope you had children  
I hope you're still alive  
And happy  
And if you were never  
Any of those things  
I hope you have time to find  
As many of them  
As possible  
In the time we've got left.

And if we meet again  
Or if we met some time before now  
We'd never know.  
You'd never know who I was  
I'd never know you  
Which is strange to think  
How close our lives were  
Just for one day  
How fifty years  
Have revolved around  
Just one day.  
Just one uncle  
Just one phone call  
Just one choice  
And both of us  
Still reeling from it  
Half a century on

But even though  
I never really thought of you  
Before today  
Even though you probably  
Never thought of me at all,  
Even though  
I'll never know you  
I'm still pulling for you  
My dear long lost  
Coincidental sister

###  College 1967

(Summer 1990)

Jeanie's mother never knew  
All the things her girl could do  
And all the times  
That she had done them  
Jeanie knew her mother's love  
Probably couldn't survive the drugs  
And that's just why  
She took them

But let's not be too hard on her, she was only acting as told  
"I hope I die before I get old..."  
She did what she was told  
She did what she was told

Jeanie's lover never knew  
How many men Jeanie blew  
Or how few times  
She thought of him  
And you know he never knew  
What it was that he did to  
Turn the world  
So far against him

And Jeanie didn't realize  
Her own army's uniform tie dies  
The peace freaks, shouting orders and lies  
Adapting under hippie skies  
The rank and file of free thinkers rise  
And move to the Beat of the  
Same drummer

They do what they are told

### Damn Nancy

In my picture, Nancy's still just sixteen  
In my mind, she had no age at all  
But seen objectively  
Time torments me as I glide down the hall  
Is she still there, somewhen waiting for me  
Or is it just air, as leave drop in the fall  
Passing footballs outside a church in England  
Fin de cicle plus Eighty-three years  
Grand design, assuming there is one, dances on  
While bang my head against the wall

Drunk on memories  
Life flows by me  
The Present filling  
Space until I die  
The metronome ticks on  
Atop the grand Piano  
we strike The keys suicidaly  
At right angles to  
All three plane  
I never under stand it  
But I hate my year book  
For making me try

### Dedenne

(1/7/17)  
New Port Richey

Dedenne doesn't know what an airport is  
but he knows you're leaving  
and he wants you to stay  
but he knows you're still leaving  
sad little Dedenne

See the car shrink down the hill  
see the girl get smaller as she goes away  
she'll be back, she promises she will  
but you'll never see her after today  
sad little Dedenne

You can make any kind of promise you want  
cuz he's to little to understand  
reassure yourself he wont' even remember  
when you let go his tiny hand  
sad little Dedenne

But it was magic for a while  
when the whole world was bright  
and everything was technicolor  
even in the night  
and everybody smiled and laughed  
and played in the twilight  
and for the tiny child  
that's what heaven is  
and he's scared by the notion  
that your life isn't tied to his  
sad little Dedenne

He doesn't know what an airport is  
but he knows you're leaving  
he thinks you won't if he runs away  
and he hides and cries  
sad little Dedenne

All good things must come to an end  
they always say  
but he doesn't understand why  
and neither do I  
sad little dedenne

###  Destroyed By You

(6/26/08)

Well of course you're a bad person  
But oh my God, you're so freakin' hot  
You're the Platonic ideal of lust  
And you know exactly what you've got

You've left hundreds for dead behind you  
With your red hair and your eyes of green  
And beneath your frankly stunning bosom  
Beats a heart that's just plain mean

It was all about power when you  
Practiced your cat moves on me every day  
I'm still not sure how I escaped  
I'm not entirely glad I got away

But you know I just can't stand you  
I hate everything you do  
But secretly I'd still love  
To be destroyed by you

Yeah,  
I'd still love to have been destroyed by you  
For a year or two...

###  Dimestore Walter Mitty

(6/20/08)  
New Port Richey

He's made sixty-eight albums  
But they're all in his mind  
And his kickass college band  
Only played live one time

He's slept with maybe as many as two women  
But he claims it much more  
Though he used to be quite chaste  
He claims he was quite the whore

He's a husband and father  
Who ignores his own kid  
For daydreams and mad schemes  
Or the latest YouTube vid

And I don't know why he does it  
But I swear to God he's not me  
And he doesn't know why he does it  
But he swears he's not a fool  
And when he swears that he's not lying  
He lies.

### Don't

(10/16/17)

Don't think I'll change  
Cuz I won't  
And don't think you won't change,  
Cuz you will  
And don't think you love me  
Cuz you don't  
And don't think I don't love you  
Cuz I do  
And I always will

###  Don't Cry Little Robot

(1/22/09)

Oh don't cry  
Little robot  
It's not it's not it's not your fault  
What you did  
What you said  
Who you hurt,  
Well they made you  
They made you  
So badly  
Let the blame  
Hang upon their heads  
While they fight  
With the cops  
You can just go back to bed

Don't cry little robot

You know it's  
Not your fault  
You're from  
Pennsylvania  
Like Frankenstein  
With fashion sense  
And really who  
Can blame ya?  
The lit torch  
And pitchforks  
Looming past the fence  
They'll kill you  
But they can't  
Teach you  
Any common sense

So you won't cry little robot  
Don't cry little robot

###  Don't Let it Slip (The Heretic's Lament)

(7/3/08)

They bump into each other at the park  
Their kids go off to play and they start  
To talk about stuff from the church  
Then he accidentally makes a remark  
'Bout Satan working for God, her face goes dark  
Even though it says so in Job

Do you want to know the truth?  
Do you really want to?  
Because you can't go back  
If you do.

Don't let it slip

She tries to correct him about the devil's fall  
He says that's not in the Bible at all  
It's from Milton  
She gathers her kids and says that she'll call  
He slaps his forehead, just realizing the wall  
He's just built between them

Some said Jesus said  
"He who seeks shall find;  
He who finds shall be disturbed." [*]  
But what the heretic knows could cost his friends their souls  
So he tries to leave them unperturbed

Don't let it slip

It's just as bad with his atheist friends  
They don't understand, they won't even begin  
To try  
They're close minded, though that's not what they pretend  
But he prays that he'll find some truth in the end  
Though maybe subject to some  
Interpretation.

Do you want to know the truth?  
Do you really want to?  
Because you can't go back  
If you do.

David Gerrold said  
"The truth will set you free  
But it'll really piss you off first."

So don't let it slip

[*- Gospel of Thomas 2:1-2 (which is not actually in the bible, but that seems fair in a song about a heretic)]

###  Enuma Elish Song

(6/22/08)

Apsu was fresh  
Tiamut was salty  
They had them some watery sex  
Which gave them a lot of babies

Apsu got pissed  
Didn't like his brood  
'Cuz they cried so much  
Tiamut was never in the mood

So Apsu came up with a hell of a plan  
To kill his babies any way he can  
But the great god Apsu had a great big mouth  
And that's when his plan started to go south

Ea heard him braggin' 'bout his plan  
And so he decided to stick it to the man  
So Ea went off and killed his daddy  
And celebrated with a ho that weren't too shabby

Marduk was born before too long  
And became the patron god of Babylon  
But granny Tiamut wanted revenge  
And had scads of monster-babies to that end

Kingu was the one she liked best  
So the put him in charge of all the rest  
"Now Kingu, I want you to kill them for me,  
Because I'm the goddess of the salty sea"

So Kingu kicked Ea's ass  
And just when it looked like he couldn't last  
Holy crap! He's rescued by Enu!  
They vote Marduk the king of the gods, too.

The monsters were defeated, and before you knew  
Marduk used an axe to chop Tiamut in two  
He used one of her halves to make the sky, and for what it's worth  
He used the other half to make the earth

The Tigris and Euphrates flow from her lifeless eyes  
The world supported by her surprisingly hairy thighs  
The council of gods confirm Marduk as king  
But the rebel gods ask for just one thing:

"It's ok that we're your prisoners of war  
But we ain't gonna be slaves of the other gods no more"  
Marduk agreed and passed a decree  
So they wouldn't be servants for all history

But they needed somebody to slop hogs and chop wood  
And do the other menial crap that no god would  
So Marduk decided to create man  
Out of some souvenir bits of Kingu he kept in a can

And the gods have regretted in a mighty way  
Making slaves that download internet porn and watch Trek all day  
But that's where we came from, how it began  
No dinosaurs or killer asteroids, it's the dawn of man.

### Eschatology

They say that eschatology  
Is kind of an addiction  
Actually, no one ever does  
But I wish they would  
All those Southern Baptists  
Going on about the Antichrist  
Or those folks who say  
Earth will kill us off for good

But it never seems to get here  
This movie never seems to end  
The closing credits never roll  
The Climax always around the bend

In retrospect the Soviets  
Were quite a disappointment  
The PRC, We all agree,  
Just wanted cash to spend  
Y2K was just another day  
How much 2012 spam  
Is still in the can  
In your basement, my friend?

But it never seems to get here  
The gunners always miss the mark  
A powder keg about to blow  
Yet no one ever has a spark

Not to sound cynical  
I'm not that nihilistic  
But preaching nothing but doom  
Seems somewhat sadistic  
'Cuz it seems to me a fine idea  
Be it nature or ballistic  
I don't have a preference  
How it ends  
Be it political or mystic

But it never seems to get here  
Florida has yet to sink  
Alas Alaska remains  
A figure skating rink  
No, it never seems to get here  
You're just writing checks  
That fate refuses to cash  
Regardless of what you expect  
No, it never seems to get here  
And though I don't mean to offend  
No matter how much I want it to,  
This stupid, filthy, sanctimonious, tedious, confusing, corrupt, rainy, irritating, depressing, feculent, repulsive world  
Just refuses to end,  
Dammit.

###  Everybody Wants To Go To Heaven

(1989) [*]

My name is Ozymandias  
I was a king of kings  
I built a stone ego to last forever  
I forgot that even stone dies  
Now if I'm remembered at all  
It's as an extra credit question  
On a literature final exam  
Or as a nom de guere  
For some little punk playing D&D  
They say the soul is immortal  
Others say there isn't one at all  
As for me, I hope the others are wrong  
Other say no one is dead  
Until all the lives they've touched are gone  
I've been looking out for myself  
So the few I've touched won't stick around long

I'm told that life's a banquet  
I've been told that life's just a veil of tears  
I'm told that youth is wasted on the young  
And wisdom wasted on later years  
But a lifetime isn't enough for me  
Though the night's too long for all my fears  
And they say that no one is dead  
Until everyone's forgotten all the good they've done  
I'm no saint, but I'm not that bad  
But even I wouldn't remember me for long

And is it just me  
Or does it seem  
A rather threadbare  
Immortality?

Everybody wants to go to heaven  
Everybody wants to go to heaven

[*- Over the years this song gradually evolved into the wildly different "But Nobody Wants"]

###  Except For You

(11/10/08)

I used to hit myself  
With a hammer  
Over and over and over  
In the head  
And when people asked me why  
I said  
"Cuz it feels so good when I stop"

I used to hit myself  
With a hammer  
Over and over and over  
In the head  
And when people asked me why  
I said  
"Because I love her"  
'Cuz

Love is patient  
Love is kind  
Love is a drug  
Love is blind  
Love is a battleground  
Love is for fools  
Love is a game  
Where no one plays by the rules

Except for you

I used to hit myself  
With a hammer  
Over and over and over  
In the head  
And when I told you why  
You took my hand  
And threw my hammer away  
'Cuz

Love is patient  
Love is kind  
Love is a drug  
Love is blind  
Love is a battleground  
Love is for fools  
Love is a game  
Where no one plays by the rules  
Love is for suckers  
Love is confused  
Love is that thing  
That makes you feel used  
Love is like oxygen  
Love is a gas  
Love is the reason  
Love's a pain in the ass

Except for you

###  Eyes

10/14/16  
Palm Harbor, Florida

Your eyes used to be blue  
But lately they've turned black  
And you've become a knife  
But not the one in my back

Because that would be cunning  
But you like me to see you coming  
You like me to watch you stab  
Every time you attack

But i don't think you realize  
The change of color in your eyes  
Matching the one in your soul  
While my love bleeds out and dies

But its abuse none the less  
Though you still love me I guess  
Yet you punch me in the soul  
And choose to curse and not bless

Worst of all this shit  
Is that i can't blame you for it  
It's the dementia  
Stealing you away bit by bit

You've always been a little crazy  
Your memories of it are hazy  
You don't remember what you did  
When You were angry and I was lazy

But things are so much worse now  
So stand up and take that bow  
Because I promised him I'd take care of you  
But i honestly cant think of how

So go on, insult my wife  
Go on, disregard the strife  
That you don't even notice  
Though it's become your whole life

A life full of paranoia  
And angry euphoria  
And disregard all the suffering  
I've gone through for ya

I promised him before he died  
And before i died inside  
That I'd take care of you  
I hope he knows that I tried

And if he's watching, it must pain him  
To see all this happen  
To see taking care of someone he loved  
Become such a burden

Which is not to say I've innocent  
But I am at least decent  
I put up with all the bile  
And hate you continually vent

So to the doctor and the store  
Stay up all night while you pace the floor  
But i can't tell you what I try not to tell myself:  
That i don't love you anymore

Worst of all this shit  
Is that i can't blame you for any of it  
It's the dementia  
Stealing you away bit by bit

Worst of all this shit  
Is it ripping me up bit by bit  
It's the dementia  
And you're killing me with it

But I'll forgive you for the black eyes  
And for every hurtful crack  
I'll forgive everything for your blue eyes  
If you could bring them back

### Fade

(1/29/2017)  
New Port Richey, Florida

Do you remember all the fun things we used to do?  
I'm glad of that, but I can barely remember you.

I can't remember your face,  
I can't remember what you looked like naked  
I can't even remember if I ever saw you that way  
I can't remember if we made love or just made out  
I can't remember for sure if we ever even dated  
My memory's fine, but the past seems to fade away

When I hear those old songs  
I think I used to think of you  
When I hear them now  
I can only think of the songs themselves  
I remember that they used to mean something  
But God help me If I know what it was  
My memory's fine, but the details fade away

I remember when I was little I had a toy  
That meant everything to me  
Now I can't even remember what it was  
I remember you had that little bear that you loved  
You saw it yesterday and didn't recognize it at all  
Didn't know where it came from  
Didn't remember that you sewed it  
Your memory's fine, but the feelings fade away

I remember eating, drinking, running, jumping, laughing and crying.  
I remember sorrow, pleasure, pain, and grief.  
I remember crying and laughing and feeling scared and feeling safe  
I remember everything, but the context fades away

I found a picture of some people smiling on a beach  
I was touched by how happy they both seemed  
Like the whole of their lives revolved around that day  
And it may have for all I know. Who am I to say?  
With their big dumb smiles in the sunshine  
And the way their hands clenched so tight  
I didn't recognize it was the two of us, so I threw it away  
My memory's fine, but the warmth fades away

Everything is fine, but still I fade away.

###  Fading

(6/23/09)

They said  
"These colors never run"  
They expect how  
They'd bleed in the sun  
The red fades  
Only the blue and the white will stay  
The blood  
Goes down the drain  
The sticker on your car says  
"These colors never run"  
But the flag is fading  
And the truth is strained

###  Failed Missionary

(7/9/08)

I've got to face it, I'm unique,  
And as lonely as that may be,  
No one ever wants to watch  
Voyage to the Bottom of the Sea

It's like I'm a failed missionary  
For a faith that never existed

I've got to stop trying to proselytize  
Everyone who comes into my home  
Nobody wants to read my spec script  
In which Matt Helm meets Tony Rome

No one wants to watch Galactica '78  
Or Space 1999  
And they sure as hell don't want to  
Talk about my other wastes of time

No one wants to watch B5 with me  
Or sign my "Crusade" petition  
And when I say Trek is crap  
You know those pagans won't even listen

It's like I'm a failed missionary  
For a faith that never existed  
Opportunities for conversion come  
But somehow I always miss them

###  Faking It

(4/19/11)

If I'm seeming too aloof  
Let me lose my ennui  
Just another week or so  
To regain my joire de vivre

I'm not really on even keel  
But if you need me I'll be there  
Going through the motions  
Chained to my chair

Don't need a vacation  
Time off can't fix apathy  
I'm a fish sick of the water  
Though not quite sick of being me

I'm not up to giving a crap  
But I'm up to faking it

But don't fear, don't fear, don't fear  
I got promises to keep  
That boulder won't roll itself  
So don't you lose any sleep

I'm not up to giving a crap  
But I'm up to faking it

###  Fire Hydrant Song

(November, 1988)

Sittin' on a fire-hydrant  
Thinking 'bout a life of crime  
Watch the world go by  
Watch the world go by  
Hope to get a look at you  
Hope you get a look at me  
Don't suppose we'll ever be  
Watch the world go by

###  Five-Dollar CD Bin Blues

(1993)

Al Stewart will have me over for tea  
We'll call Sting, that'll make it three  
Keeping Roy Orbison's entire catalog company  
Perhaps Aimee Mann will sing to me

I'll get really really drunk with Screamin' Jay  
Or eat lunch with mister Calloway  
We'll make fun of top-40 rubes all day  
And wish to God they'd go away,  
But we'll know they'll always keep us here

I gave it my best  
But we all know my best wasn't too good  
They gave me a rest  
In a remaindered disk coffin made of wood  
With a "Five dollar" sign on the side

But so what if Danny Elfman hangs out with me  
Or if Was Not Was wanders into incomprehensibility?  
I'd rather be with them than Prince or Michael B.  
At least we're in good company  
There ain't no Wilson Phillips here  
Yes, the Turbans are good enough for me  
And there ain't no Poison here

###  Flagwasher

(New Port Richey)

You burn a flag and  
Say it's a symbol  
Is that the best you can do?  
Were it me,  
I think I would wash it  
Or is that not symbolic enough for you?

Don't pick at it, you'll make it worse  
Don't pick at it, it'll never heal

Marching in the pro-choice parade  
You say it's something you really care about  
Or is it just a way for you to meet a girl  
That you automatically know puts out?

###  Flood

(9/4/16)  
New Port Richey

Waiting for the flood  
Two hours left to go  
I've heard this song before  
But it seems different this time  
The rhythm is wrong  
The singing is off key

I'm more nervous  
Then I've been  
When I've heard it before.  
I think it's the sky  
Which is lovely and blue  
With big white clouds  
And it's dry as a bone

Hermine is gone  
But I'm waiting for the flood  
The last time this song played  
It had rained for ten days  
It crested the anclote  
It shut down all roads  
To the south, west, east

We were told to evacuate  
But I ignored it  
I was lazy  
I was not scared  
It was bumper to bumper  
To the north.  
Screw that.  
I just waited for the flood  
To end.

Or when Betty was here  
And river met road  
I walked the perimeter  
In the eye of the storm  
My subdivision was an island  
For a day or so.

But it was dark  
A scowling sky  
All the rain of course,  
So I wasn't scared.  
I'm not scared now  
But I am strangely nervous  
Because the song is off the beat  
And the sky is wrong.

###  Florida

He was born with sweet tea in his veins,  
And smoked mullet on his plate.

Well, he may not have an accent  
But he did when he was young  
He lost it growing up  
Surrounded by Yankee Scum

He respect that this is your home now  
But there were millions of him here before  
And if you insist on insulting him  
Well, brother, there's the door.

So don't say Florida ain't southern  
Just because you yourself are not  
That's like saying New Jersey ain't Yankee  
Or that Hell itself ain't hot

Fifteen thousand of his kinfolk  
Fought in that stupid war  
But that was a century and a half ago  
They don't do that anymore

You want to live here, they're happy to have you  
But hospitality works both ways  
They're not the ones who haven't changed our opinions in five generations  
You don't understand how well adaptability pays.

But the issue at hand isn't slavery or land  
But that you somehow feel they're beneath you  
You ended up surrounded by people you cannot stand  
And disregard all they won't bequeath you

"This isn't how we do it up north"  
Is all you have to say.  
If it's such a paradise where we come from  
Why'd we move here, anyway?

###  Fly

(7/20/09)

Fly to me  
I'll be what you want me  
To be  
Maybe your love can save me

I'll be your bad boy  
You'll be my good girl  
You can save my soul  
I can shake your world  
Swear you don't fear the dark  
And I'll show you my heart

Lie to me  
I'll be what you want me  
To be  
Tell me your love can fix me

I was just your prop  
You're just a disgrace  
To feel important  
You'd lie right to my face  
For your love's a black art  
And here I burn in the dark

So,

Fly from me  
I'll be what you want me  
To be  
I'm the monster you want me  
To be

###  Gangway Fathead

(1991)  
Orlando

Stop twistin' my arm  
Stop yankin' my chain  
Stop draggin' me around  
You're yelling in vain

I'm telling you one last time  
If you don't lay off  
You'll be wearing a chalk outline

Leave me alone

So get outa here  
So hit the road  
If you don't move on  
I'll shove you down the commode

So hit the bricks, walk out jack,  
I'll tell you one last time:  
Don't come back

Leave me alone,  
Gangway fathead

I say one more time again,  
You never never never never  
Were my friend

Leave me alone  
Gangway fathead

Hey, where you goin'?  
Get back over here!  
No, don't you leave!  
I want you near.

I say please please please don't go away from me  
I don't ever ever ever ever  
Wanna be free

Don't leave me alone  
Stay here fathead  
Don't leave me alone  
Stay here fathead

###  Ganymede

All those pretty Presbyterian girls  
Who played soccer  
With the great big hair  
That never seemed to fit  
And who requested folk songs  
At high school dances  
To which they'd worn dresses  
But seemed uncomfortable with it

I like your damage  
It reminds me of my own  
So come away with me  
And we'll build a broken home

Ganymede  
Don't cry  
While Lord Running Clam's Away  
No, Ganymede  
Don't cry  
'Cuz he'll be back some day  
And it'll be ok

You touch my hand but  
The skin keeps you out  
And you could touch my mind  
Were it not for my doubts  
I know you want me  
And I want you too  
But we both know  
We're not going to

I like your damage  
It reminds me of my own  
So come away with me  
And we'll build a broken home

And Ganymede  
Don't Cry  
While Callisto's away  
'Cuz he'll be back someday

###  Geek Bonding

(6/27/08)

He could sing Star Blazers  
Before he knew the national anthem  
And he's spent more time in Known Space  
Than "Elephant" Pelton  
His daddy reads them to him  
At bedtime each night  
(Though he leaves out the sex  
And things that might cause a fright)  
He's only four

They watch the old Galactica  
Sprawled out on the floor  
And agree that B5  
Should have stopped after season four  
And he asks his daddy about "Trek"  
While being tucked into the sheets  
Daddy scowls "Learn the good stuff before  
You pick up that kind of crap on the streets"  
And reads Bradbury some more

Geek Bonding

And he loves his little boy  
And he loves his little wife  
He loves their time together  
He love his little life  
Even if, maybe  
It's a little strange

Daddy knows someday  
All this will have to end  
'Cuz he's been through it  
With all of his friends  
The sense of wonder  
And amazement will fade away  
As the gentle things turn hard  
But leave that fate for another day  
For now, there's time for a little more

Geek Bonding

###  Goodbye To Hello

(4/22/09)

I remember when we  
First met  
In that post office  
But of course you  
Don't 'cuz  
You don't have a brain

Dunno why you had  
"Hello"  
Written upon your back  
But from that day  
To this one  
You've never been the same

Every time we went out  
The lines  
They got fuzzier  
Less black and less white  
'Til gray  
Is all that remained

Now I see the hole in  
Your sleeve  
That you don't notice  
And my time patching  
You up  
Is leaving me drained

And even when I'm  
In you  
I never knew what you  
Were  
A king in a crown or  
A cigar chomping bird  
Or maybe some kind of robot  
Or perhaps a stick figure  
You're just so absurd

So goodbye  
Goodbye  
Goodbye to hello  
Goodbye  
Goodbye  
the way that you came  
Your parents  
Wrote a song once  
About a nightlight  
This one is similar  
But not the same

###  Gorilla in the Room

(2/7/11)

Sitting in church on a Sunday morning  
Trying hard not to think about sex  
Gosh, Cathy's shirt sure is tight  
Gosh, Linda is a beautiful wreck

The fat chick hits on guys endlessly  
She's got a sad life ahead of her,  
A loveless marriage, but not to me  
So it's not my problem, not my concern

The preacher's kid snakes Kristin away from me  
Better than to be eh-hem than to burn  
Can't keep my mind on the sermon  
Can't focus enough to pray  
Can't think of anything at all  
Apart from getting laid

I believe, I believe I believe I believe I believe,  
Lord, help my inattention  
I believe, I believe I believe I believe I believe,  
Lord, conquer my obsession  
I believe, I believe I believe I believe I believe,  
Lord, help my carnal intention

It's the gorilla in the room  
And the room is the house  
Of the Lord

Hate For You

I don't hate you  
'Cuz you're a Christian  
I don't hate you  
'Cuz you're a Jew  
I don't hate you  
For what you are  
I hate you  
For being you.

###  Haves and Have Nots

(6/13/08)

New Port Richey

People can't stand people who believe in things  
People can't stand people who believe in nothing  
They believe in the strength of nothing's  
They want to share their Nothing with you  
And they can't stand your light  
Because it casts relief on how empty  
The space with nothing in it really is  
'Cuz nothing is better than something,  
And they can't stand that you have something they don't.

### Head

(7/7/17)

I heard about it from Jim,  
But everyone's talking about it too  
Some people have their reservations  
But I think it was the right move for you

The factory standard you came with  
Clearly wasn't up to it  
The new one I hope will help you  
Not be such a little shit

So I say welcome, welcome  
To your brand new head  
Have fun with, fun with  
Your brand new head

They say it's electric, electric  
I know your old one ran on coal  
And it's so eclectic, eclectic  
That you kept the same old soul

So I say welcome, welcome  
To your brand new head  
Have fun with, fun with  
Your brand new head

Can't wait to find out  
All the new things you can do  
And you can call block the person  
Who used to be you

So I say welcome, welcome  
To your brand new head  
Have fun with, fun with  
Your brand new head

One quick question:  
Did it come with instructions?

So I say welcome, welcome  
To your brand new head  
Have fun with, fun with  
Your brand new head

I say about time, about time  
You got a brand new head  
I say thank God, thank God  
You got a brand new head

They say you financed, financed  
Your brand new head  
We'll kiss and have fun with, fun with  
Your brand new head.

### Heart-shaped Frisbee of Love

(7/2/17)

I've had enough of your compulsive lies.  
It's not that they're malicious,  
They're just boring.  
I've had enough of your sexed-up sighs  
You think they're erotic  
But they leave me snoring

I've had enough of your savior faire  
You're not the biggest hat  
In the hat parade  
I've had enough je ne sais quoi  
your tedious perfection  
Could use a downgrade

It was a heart-shaped frisbee of love  
You were my heart-shaped frisbee of love  
I got pegged in the head  
And now I'm dead  
From a heart-shaped frisbee of love

Couldn't believe you were such a shrew  
When I thought you cared  
Before my heart turned to ice  
Couldn't get enough of any part of you  
Back in the forgotten days  
When you used to be nice

It was a heart-shaped frisbee of love  
You were my heart-shaped frisbee of love  
I got pegged in the head  
And now I'm dead  
From a heart-shaped frisbee of love

### Heaven's Parking Lot

(11/9/17)

A crack in the morning  
Sutures in the air  
A bad job you can't get  
A good one you can't bear  
And every time you try to back from the jumper's ledge  
They keep you there

Absence of ripples  
When lake hits stone  
Chained in your room  
Continue to roam  
And the more people in the crowd around you  
The more you're alone

And you're  
The kind of guy  
Who could get beat up  
In heaven's parking lot

People talk  
To show silence  
Gods are quiet  
To check resilience  
And your rhyming dictionary philosophy  
don't make any sense.

Cuz you're  
The kind of guy  
Who gets beat up  
In heaven's parking lot

But that's ok  
Because that's not a place you wanna be  
Yeah, that's ok  
Because despair is your specialty

You know what you want when they say that you don't  
And they say they will help when you know that they won't  
They say that it's broke but you don't want it fixed  
Better than numbness is a life betwixt  
Sadness and ecstasy  
(Maybe leaning towards the sad side)

But that's ok  
Because that's not a place you wanna be  
Yeah, that's ok  
Because despair is your specialty

A crack in the morning  
Sutures in the sky  
Overfilled emptiness  
To grounded to fly  
And every day the dull ache is all you ever feel  
Never wonder why

Cuz you're  
The kind of guy  
Who gets beat up  
In heaven's parking lot

But that's ok  
Because that's not a place you wanna be  
Yeah, that's ok  
Because despair is your specialty

But that's ok  
Heaven's not a place you wanna be  
Yeah, that's ok  
Because despair is your specialty

###  Her Right Hand

(8/26/08)

Baby plays guitar solos  
And Mister plays the Bass  
If you ever hear 'em live  
It sounds like they're in a race  
'Cuz

She don't play Rhythm  
Harmony she can't stand  
All she wants out of life  
Is in her own right hand

Baby likes to show off  
While Mister just chugs along  
She fingers it long and never soft  
When it's her part of the song

She don't need lovers  
Duets she can't stand  
She squeezed her heart to death  
Is in her own right hand

She says,  
"Hey Mister, you done yet?"  
Barely tolerates him, he's aware  
Then she whips out her whammy bar  
Just like he's not even there

She craves the adulation  
But the openness she can't stand  
So her life is all closed-off  
Defended by her right hand.

###  He Talks About Growing a Beard

(6/30/08)

She married him because he complimented her shoes  
But now it's kind of started to creep her out  
And he runs off to Ybor five nights out of ten  
Whatever it is he does, he won't talk about

And he talks about growing a beard

One time she found another woman's lipstick on his collar  
But later she wasn't sure that it really was  
It seemed much too wide to be a woman's mouth  
But she squelches that fear, well, because...

Sometimes  
Sometimes love  
Sometimes love is a big flaming pile of crap

He talks about growing a beard  
But she suspects he's already got one.

###  Hindsight

(6/23/08)

He looks through a notebook  
From 20 years ago and  
He cringes at what he finds  
A zillion maudlin songs for some chick  
Who broke his heart  
A zillion belabored rhymes

Hindsight, they say is 20/20  
But what they don't say  
Is hindsight is a bitch

And he remembers it felt  
Like the end of the world  
But the end of the world  
Never lets you off that light  
And he laughs himself silly  
At the kid he used to be  
So black and tragic, dramatic,  
And clearly not  
All that bright

Hindsight, they say is 20/20  
But what they don't say  
Is hindsight is a bitch  
A nagging little moment  
You can't quite forget  
Ensconced in a too-public niche

He chucks a bunch of CDs  
He's been hoarding all these years  
And he's never known quite why  
He couldn't do it before  
And he doesn't comprehend how  
He can suddenly say goodbye

Hindsight, they say is 20/20  
But what they don't say  
Is hindsight is a bitch  
A nagging little moment  
That never quite lose  
An ever-present itch

And he remembers it felt  
Like the dawn of creation  
A strange dawn of creation  
That took the form of "Hotel Womb" that night  
And he smiles to himself  
Remembering that first electric awe  
And wonders how he could  
Have doubted it would all be all right.

But what they don't say  
Is hindsight is a bitch...

###  Horrible Life

(9/25/99)

It's a horrible life  
When your every instinct is wrong  
When your only  
Release is the words to a song  
You know no one will ever hear

###  Hot Chick Fronting For the Old Dudes

(7/29/09)

She got them yummy legs  
She got them fishnet hose  
Strategically torn  
On purpose I suppose.  
She got a short leather skirt  
With a slit up the side  
Giving more than a hint  
Of what lies inside

She's a hot chick fronting for the old dudes  
But they ain't gettin' nothing

Well, she can't sing  
And she can't dance  
But he teaches fine arts  
And he wants in her pants  
So he lies 'bout her talent  
And he says she'll go far  
Says, "Come and sing for my band baby doll,  
I'll make you a star."

So she's a hot chick fronting for the old dude  
But he ain't getting' nothing

She's got the kind of jet black hair  
You want to wrap yourself in  
Her makeup is all gothic  
Her body's built for sin

But they ain't gettin' nothin'.

###  I Betrayed an Old Man's Trust

(September, 1988)

Not the most entertaining guy  
I smile and hide behind my lie  
His aged innocence is like a child  
I've stabbed him now and I wonder why

I stare at the trees outside the window  
Made fun of you because you talk slow

Between the head and the hands must be a heart  
Fritz Lang said  
But the heart between my head and my hands isn't pure

I've betrayed an old man's trust  
If it suits me, I'll betray you too

###  I Can't Breathe

(7/2/08)

It's a movie when I'm with you  
Dramatic, well lit, with a symphony  
Orchestra playing some sweeping love theme  
Someone wrote for you and me

From the moment you first kissed me  
I can't breathe by myself

The A-plot doesn't matter  
Just to be with you is why I'm here  
Long as the director doesn't keep you from my arms  
There's nothing that I fear.

We run and talk and laugh  
And I can hear the music swell  
I make my move, you smile,  
We fade to black, it's edited well.

And underneath the jump cut  
Wearing the same clothes, but rumpled  
Fade in: Morning, the next day  
Laughing and touching  
In some visually-interesting café

Someday they'll run the credits  
We'll hear the theme one last haunting time  
But until the day they bulldoze the world's last theater  
I swear to God, you're mine

### I Can't Even Remember Her Name

(6/20/08)  
New Port Richey

She wrote bad poetry at the drop of a hat  
I still have one somewhere around here  
Something 'bout dolphins and Philip K. Dick  
I keep it for some reason that's unclear

She had no rhyme and no meter  
Nor structure, but short like a haiku  
And it glowed from her heart to her pen  
Bypassing the twisted body she used

There's a ghost inside you  
And I was friendly and polite to the cripple  
The way I was always taught to be  
Decency remarkable for being so rare, I guess  
I shouldn't have been surprised she was stalking me

She had some kind of breakdown when I told her "no"  
Heather watched her for me that night  
She disappeared from school for more than a month  
When she came back, things obviously weren't right

There's a ghost inside you  
That follows you everywhere

She didn't write bad poetry at all anymore  
Neither her heart glowed nor her pen  
She hobbled to class dry sad and cold  
Because I took away her chance to pretend

There's a ghost inside you  
That follows you everywhere  
It's not your soul

And I hope she ended up okay  
Though I really don't see how she could  
And I couldn't look in on her, even if I would

And I can't even remember her name  
I can't even remember her name  
Not a season goes by that I don't feel guilty for doing nothing at all and  
I can't even remember her name.

There's a ghost inside you  
That follows you everywhere  
It's not your soul  
It's the broken ones that you've hurt.

### I Can't Even Remember Her Name (2014)

This was supposed to be a song  
About a cripple I knew  
This was supposed to be a song  
About someone I was kind to  
this was supposed to be a song  
About her bad poetry  
This was supposed to be a song  
About how she was stalking me

This was supposed to be a song  
About how bad I feel  
This was supposed to be a song  
In which I ruminate on her crappy deal  
This was supposed to be a song  
Where I confess my sins  
This was supposed to be a song  
Where I talk about how I couldn't win

I wrote this song  
A dozen times  
A dozen ways, over  
A dozen years,  
And let me tell ya, brother  
It never gets any better

My hackneyed rhymes  
About a person long since dead  
A story I can't tell  
But can't quite put to bed  
So I do what I did then:

I just give up.  
I couldn't fix her  
I couldn't save her  
I can't even remember her name  
I just give up

###  I'd Love to be Destroyed by You

(1993) [*]

We'd have been a disaster  
And we knew it too  
You didn't take the chance  
Can't say as I blame you  
Nothing in common  
Different goals too  
It never would have worked  
I'd end up hating you

Just the same  
Though we ducked the pain  
Well, I'd still love to have been destroyed by you

So I kept my self respect  
And you kept yours too  
Not too great a cost  
And we're still friendly, too  
Your angel likes to rush in  
My fool likes Russian too  
Salad days just ain't enough  
For what I'd put you through  
Still somehow,  
Though we'd regret it now  
I'd still love to have been destroyed by you

Our love would be a nightmare  
And there's religion too  
Some things I won't change  
You won't, I do

Ran myself out of Johnson City  
Burned out the beltway too  
I know it's time to leave here  
But there's nowhere to go to

In the end,  
We're damned just to be friends,  
I'd still love to have been destroyed by you  
(you'd have liked it too)

Though it's wrong  
And it's the end of the song  
Well, I'd still love to have been destroyed by you  
(For a year or two)

[*\- This song kept getting hauled out and re-worked with every subsequent band until it ultimately became the much better and more popular "Destroyed By You"]

###  I'd Walk a Million Miles for One of Your Clichés

(4/28/91)

I'd walk a million miles for one of your clichés

But if I drove for a million days and nights  
But if I drove all night for a million years  
I could never catch myself before I left home  
I could never get home on time  
To keep myself from letting you go.

If I could travel though time  
I'd bring you back to me  
For a year or two  
But not eternity  
That would just about cover the space since you left  
But not quite to the point where you started  
Irritating me

I'd walk a million miles for one of your clichés  
But only because I haven't heard one for a while

###  If I Could Change Myself

(12/10/91)  
Johnson City, TN

If I could love, if I could hope, if I could change space and time  
If I could move, if I could cope, if I could make up my mind  
And not doubt myself and you, maybe it would work out fine

If I could...

If I could leave well enough alone, I suppose you could be mine  
If I could take back things I wrote, think beyond the next line  
If I could forget the past, move along, stop wasting time  
If I could wave a magic wand and make your smile shine  
If I could stop being me, could you someday be mine?

If I could change myself...

If foolish doubts could doubt themselves, and exit my mind  
If mortal coils could be longer be uncoiled like simple twine  
If love songs could be other than a prattling, pandering whine  
If I could feel the smoldering in your eyes just one last time  
If I could still love you, though you think you changed your mind  
If I could change myself back again, would you be kind?

If I could change myself, I wouldn't change you

###  If Kipling was a Moron

(1990)

If you can keep your head when all around you are loosing theirs  
is such an easy thing  
For when the Rome-like world burns around you  
It's hard not to dance and sing  
And rub their noses in it  
and the things you never need do again  
It's keeping the checkbook balanced  
that kills the hearts of men  
For crisis makes it's own heroes  
Weather real or perceived  
There's far too many crazed Neros  
To persecute every creed

### I Got Screwed Up

(November, 1991)

I could sing underwater until one day I drowned  
I was a mighty oak 'til someone burned me down  
I was a screaming eagle, but no one liked the sound  
I was a promising young man 'til I got battered around  
I flew true like an arrow 'til I forgot where I was going  
My credit was good, but I've still ended up owing  
I was a mighty blaze put out by steady snowing  
I was a promising young man now my age is showing

But I got screwed up, I don't recall how  
I got screwed up, but I know by now  
Even if I get better, I can still get screwed up again

I was a free spirit 'til on me someone put a hex  
My life an open book, but ink's been spilled on the text  
I was a shiny new car, but now I'm just an old wreck  
I was a promising young man until I learned about sex.  
I used to be a writer, now I just churn out songs  
I used to be a fighter, but I wasn't too strong  
I was always right, until the day I went wrong,  
I was a promising young man, but that didn't last long

My soul used to be wells-Fargo, but now it's just a piggy bank  
I was a prophet of doom, but now I'm just an old crank  
I captained the Seaview until she finally sank  
Everything came up roses until the day that I stank

I used to have a heart, but now it's an empty hole  
Used to search forever, but now I haven't a goal  
Used to be honest, but all I have now I stole  
I was a promising young man until I murdered my soul  
I used to be in love, but now I see only lust  
I was the great white hope, but now I'm tainted with rust  
I used to believe, until they violated my trust  
I was a promising young man, how did I get so lost?

I got screwed up, I can't get around  
I got so screwed up, no moral to the fable I've found  
Even if I get better, I can still get screwed up again

###  I Got The Claw

(7/31/09)

Bigger car, bigger bike  
Bigger chest on the latest wife  
And you wonder  
If he's compensating for something  
Strongest man's sharpest knife  
Wits too dull to save his life  
And you wonder  
If he's compensating for something

Flashes cash in plain view  
Brags' bout his job to impress you  
And you wonder  
If he's compensating for something  
Biggest boats and diamond rings  
Tossed about without meaning  
And you wonder  
If he's compensating for something

Hey girls, hey girls  
I got the claw!  
I got the claw!

A little too buff, too much the star  
Is he hitting on your or the guy at the bar?  
And you wonder  
If he's compensating for something  
Name drops 'bout all the fame he's met  
And it just might get you in his bed yet  
Still you wonder  
If he's compensating for something

Fiddler crab scuttles along the sand  
With his claw held high  
Flashing his freakish hand  
To convince you he's your guy

Keep your eye stalks on my hand  
Come back to my hole in the sand  
Won't you let me prove that I'm a man  
Come out of your shell, lay your eggs in the sand  
And let me fertilize them  
And let me fertilize them

###  I Hate Everybody

(7/10/08)

I ask nothing of you  
But you still let me down  
You promise your love  
Then treat me like a clown

If people knew what they wanted  
Maybe it wouldn't be so bad  
But you chase things you can't have  
And piss away what you had

Now this world is a fine and a private place  
(I hate everybody, you know that I do)  
But none here I think do embrace  
(I hate everybody, you know that I do)

So this world is a tomb  
And you know it's true.  
If I can't have your love  
Then your hatred will do.

I hate everybody  
I tell you I do  
I hate everybody  
But especially you.

###  I Know Why

(6/28/11)

The things that you do  
And the people you do them to  
All wondering what made you  
This way

All the people you've been  
You knew they'd take it on the chin  
You knew they'd give in  
This time

I know why

Past and future collide  
In a present beside  
Which you hide  
The truth

I know why

I know what you were  
I know what you are  
I know what changed  
And

I know why  
I know why

### I'm Rick James Bitch

He looked at me  
He batted his eye  
He gave me his ring  
He said, "Will you be my bitch?"

I'm Rick James' Bitch!

Never, no, ya never, no, ya never gonna fade away

He held me so tight  
Surprisingly hairy like Bigfoot  
Superfreak all night  
Mary Jane Girls are jealous 'cuz

I'm Rick James' Bitch!

Never, no ya never, no ya never gonna fade away

So cry me a river  
That flows into a sea  
That opens into an ocean  
That encircles all we see  
And steams into a vapor  
Sublimating beyond the sky  
And baptize me in the rain  
When the stars themselves do cry

He dumped my ass  
He told me goodbye  
I hit him in the eye  
He said I couldn't do that to him  
"Because you're Rick James' Bitch"

And I said, "No, no, Rick, baby,  
You're mine."

### In Outer Space

In outer space  
Ain't got no pollen  
In outer space  
No allergens  
In outer space  
There ain't no cold virus  
We can breathe free  
In outer space

I wanna live in outer space  
I wanna leave all this bad stuff behind  
I wanna live in outer space

In outer space  
Ain't no child molesters  
In outer space  
They ain't got no crime  
In outer space  
There's no mosquitoes  
In outer space  
We can leave that crap behind

I wanna live in outer space  
I wanna point down at you people and laugh  
I wanna live in outer space

We can rebuild Eden without any snakes  
In outer space

I wanna live in outer space  
I want to be safe from you all  
I wanna live in outer space

###  In Progress

He was headed for the army  
Air force didn't like his eye  
Then he flew fifty feet  
Landed on the street  
A total miracle he didn't die

He was the weird kid  
Who ate paste and had junk in his hair  
Actually  
He'd eat pretty much  
Anything you'd suggest on a dare.

###  INSERT NAME OF YOUR TOWN

(1990)

Good evening ladies and gentlemen  
How you doing out there tonight?  
Feeling kinda rowdy?  
Wanna make some noise?  
Yeah, 'cause we've heard some things about this place  
And we're gonna tear this burg apart!

We're here, yes we're here  
Off the plane and on the ground  
No place in the world we'd rather be than here  
We love [insert name of your town]  
No, we don't have much of a stage show  
But people seem to like our sound  
We always get a nice welcome when we play  
[Insert name of your town]  
Yeah, we're all drug-crazed morons  
But our feet are on the ground  
That's one of the reasons we like  
[Insert name of your town]  
Oh, we're insincere corporate rockers  
Our tour forever plods around  
We don't absorb local color  
But we give lip service to [insert name of your town]

...I gotta take a whiz now, listen to this...

[guitar solo]

...guitar player's gotta take a whiz now, listen to this...

[drum solo]

"...yes, it's so nice to be here in [insert name of your town], particularly because of the [insert name of local industry] and the easy access to the regionally famous and efficient local international airport and/or bus station. Do we have any [insert name of local industries] workers here tonight? Yeah! Cops suck! Be sure to give them a hard time! [insert name of local mayor] sucks, doesn't he or she?"

The girls in Brazil are nice  
Girls in Norway wear lots of down  
But no girls are so openly slutty  
As the ones in [insert name of your town]  
In the corporate rock star handbook  
In chapter two I've found  
I have to patronize you drunken morons  
And repeatedly  
[Insert name of your town]

###  I Think I Love Aimee Mann

(1989)

If there was a rip in heaven  
Her voice is what I'd expect to hear  
I first hear you as a college freshman  
I've grown attached over the years  
But angels never call.

No one is watching you now like I could  
If I would have gotten into the London Victory Club  
But I was too young  
To get in the bar on my own.  
So as of now I've never even seen you  
Limits to love, but I hope to.

I read your words as you sang them  
I heard your feline eyes behind them  
I built an image of you by your sound  
Does it stand up, or will she just fall down?  
An image built looking through the other end of the telescope

I heard on the street that you married Geddy Lee  
Your disappearance for a few years frightened me  
Everything's different now, I guess, welcome home  
In the meantime, we both have grown

I could get used to this, in fact, I think I have  
Hi there, Aimee, it's my again. I'm through being construed  
So I'll let you go.  
So who's this guy frank who drew your cartoons  
If you're married, then I'll step aside  
When you cussed in a song it broke my heart  
Part of my image of you crumbled inside  
Why must I take it so hard?  
Other people get by with either bourbon or God.

I think I love Aimee Mann  
At least as much as anyone can  
With just thirty one songs and  
A few pictures of her with the band

###  I Think I Don't Love Aimee Mann Anymore

(2002)

From 1984 to 2002  
I dreamed of seeing you  
In the flesh  
Or at least on the stage

But I confess I had stopped listening  
A couple albums after you went solo  
Our tastes had just grown apart  
Not that mine really had far to go

And I remember that train wreck song I wrote  
Declaring my love for you  
Belaboring verses from your titles  
Embarrassing, it's true.

I was thirty five  
You were forty two  
When my wife took me to the show  
___ opened for you

And sat in for your bassists  
On a few of your songs  
His acoustic set was great  
And yours had nothing wrong

Yet something was missing  
You didn't play any songs that I knew  
Not even "The Other End of the Telescope"  
Which in retrospect I realize was a long shot  
But I still held out hope.

So you were funny and you were good  
And your voice held up great  
But I was not quite enraptured with you  
The wife drove us back 'cuz I'd stayed up too late

And I wondered if it was true?  
Had I simply been a mooney-eyed child  
Had my adoration been so shallow  
To be dimmed by age and perimenopause  
Yeah, you know, I guess so

So I don't think I love Aimee Mann anymore  
But it's not her fault, it's mine  
She's no longer the feline wraith I fell for  
Due to the passage of time  
She looked like Robin Zander.

So, yeah, I'm done.

### I Think I Don't Love Aimee Mann Anymore (2015)

[*]

I thought I loved Aimee Mann  
At least as much as anyone can  
With thirty one songs, videos and  
A dozen pictures of her with the band

But I don't think I love Aimee Mann anymore  
I walk right by her rack every time at the store  
I'm older and I'm wiser and a little bit sore  
But I don't think it's out of anger

Listened to David Denies bout a million times  
To divine what I could of her from its rhymes  
With Rhett Davies and that guitar that chimes  
Coming Up Close, I know it didn't happen in time

'Cuz I don't think I love Aimee Mann anymore  
I'm out of lust and full of languor

I tried for a decade or two to write this song  
With results too verbose or too sing-song  
And if Aimee's taught me one thing after this long  
It's that love songs are only good if their outcome is wrong

So I don't think I love Aimee Mann anymore  
'Cuz now she looks like Robin Zander

[*- Note: This version of the song was written when I thought I'd lost the previous version of the song]

### It Ain't Fair

Well, I'm starting to look more like Elvis Costello by the day  
I ain't amused by that at all, not in any little way  
And if me from thirty years ago could see me now  
Yeah, if me from thirty years ago could see me today  
Well, I guess he'd say,  
"Man, that's sad."

Well, I've said it before, but Sting's hairline reminds me of the Amazon  
Always seems to be receeding but somehow it's never quite gone  
And if him from thirty years ago could see him today  
Yeah, if Sting from thirty years ago could see Sting from today  
Well, I guess he'd say,  
"At least I'm rich."

But this ain't the way it's supposed to be  
I'm supposed to be a  
millionaire-rockstar-astronaut-submarine-captain-novelist  
They promised me

Huey Lewis never looked like a rock star, more like a friend of my dad  
Washed up, his career is a joke, but for seventy he don't look that bad  
And if he from thirty years ago could see him today  
Yes, if Hugh from thirty years ago could see Hugh from today,  
Well, I guess he'd say,  
"Hot damn, I did pretty good!

But it's not fair  
How some other person got my life  
I don't know  
But It's not fair

No, it ain't fair  
But whoever said life was fair?  
I'm pretty sure it was Mike...

### It's All About Me

(11/3/09)

Will you love me when my nose hair turns gray?  
Will you love me when my looks go away?  
Will you love me if the kids turn out gay?  
Will you love me anyway?

Will you love me when I bark and howl at the moon?  
Will you love me when I'm an unrepentant loon?  
Will you love me when rational thought says "get away?"  
Will you love me anyway?

Will you love me if I give our money to the Reverend Moon?  
Or some other cult buffoon  
Will you love me when I freak out like I did yesterday?  
I wouldn't blame you if you wanted to get away

Because I don't care if your breasts start to sag  
And I don't care if you look like a hag  
Don't care about the meat that houses your soul  
That kind of thing has never been my goal

'Cuz it's all about me  
And I don't give a damn

Will you love me if I ruined the whole month of June?  
Or gave all our money to Tommy Tune?  
Will you love me when I freak out like I did earlier today?  
Will you love me anyway?

'Cuz it's all about me  
And all I want is you

###  I Want To Be An Alligator

(9/25/09)

I wanna be an alligator  
So lazy and violent  
I wanna be an alligator  
And never pay the rent  
I wanna be an alligator  
And take down a thirsty cow  
I wanna be an alligator  
And someday I'll show you how

###  Jean D'Trailer Park

(6/25/08)

She's a mammal who won't drink milk  
Because it oppresses animals to do so  
Her music collection is mostly filk  
She don't like Science Fiction, though

And she pulls the most amazing things  
Out of her ass  
When there's the slightest excuse to do so  
No matter what you argue  
She will not let it pass  
Until you acquiesce to her horror show

She believes that she's psychic, but somehow never knew  
Mister Creepy cheated on her all those times  
And with all those voices in her head  
She can never quite make up her mind.

She prefers to believe in the things she cannot see  
Because the visible world is so small  
And who can blame this Joan of Arc from the Trailer Park?  
Who can say she's wrong? Aside from  
Scientists and Preachers and Doctors and Lawyers and all....

So her kids can't stand her and she can't keep a man  
Even the U.U. wishes she'd quit  
It's impossible for a person to be so completely wrong  
Unless she actually set out to do it

And she did...

###  Jerks Like Him

(November 1988)

Jerks  
Jerks like  
Jerks  
Jerks like him

Jerks like him eat my food  
Jerks like him put me in a bad mood  
Push the car 'cuz the starter's broke  
Raid the fridge until I choke  
Jerks like him keep me awake at night  
Jerks like him don't care that it ain't alright  
Eat the food and get too much mail  
Act real rude and scream and wail  
Date a prude, get depressed when you fail  
Cop a mood, no sense of scale  
Attitude worn like a veil  
Jerks, jerks, jerks like him.

sex and booze and boredom and cash and lies and wrecks and whining and gas and sex and booze and boredom and cash and lies and wrecks and whining and gas

shutup, fag; this music sucks; got any food, herms; I hate you! Am I cool? Hermes, the messenger God; shut up, fag!; oh, you fag!; wham II, wham II; I love the cars;; can you smell it? Shutup, fag!; shaaaaaaaaaaanz! Parmaschanze, Shaaaaaaaaaaaaanze!

Shutup, man, it's got a message

###  Katy Perry

(3/12)

This year's model,  
Much the same as the last  
'Cept the hemline is higher  
To distract from her past  
The paint job is different  
But the lines are the same  
Say "She's not just pretty and talented;"  
Claim, "She's also got a brain."  
She's so nicely upholstered  
In silicone and myrrh  
And she'll want for nothing  
As long as they want her

And she's so high  
High in the sky  
And she's so high  
High in the sky  
Watch her fly  
Watch her fly  
All around.

Last year's model  
Finds it hard to squeak by  
The movies aren't coming  
Music career gone dry  
So she wriggles and jiggles  
To get back on that hook  
To get back in the tabloids  
To get people to look

And she's so high  
High in the sky  
And she's so high  
High in the sky  
But she can't fly  
No she can't fly  
All around

She's just another whore  
In the whore-of-the-month club  
Yeah, she's just another whore  
In the whore-of-the-month club  
She's just another whore  
In the whore-of-the-month club  
And she can't fly  
No she can't fly  
Any way but down

###  Kill The Bastards

(1993)

Kill the bastards,  
So you say

Kill the bastard  
Who's only crime  
Is showing up  
At a bad time

There are people  
Who are inconvenient  
Who don't count  
To the government  
There always have been  
Always will be  
Jews, blacks, or babies  
Makes no difference to me  
You said they weren't fully human  
I say you're wrong  
Because I was one of them

They used to kill Jews  
And Christians too  
You insist you're different  
But see the queue?

You formed a line  
Twenty-three million long  
And always growing  
And try to argue  
That it's not wrong  
That this is not  
An atrocity  
That we weren't human  
Those folks like me

And tell me how long  
Will your line be  
When someone revokes  
Your humanity  
"But that's different,"  
Or so you say  
"They're unwanted  
They're in the way"

Kill the bastards  
But the real bastard is you

###  Kipling Seems to Have Missed the Point

(1988)

"If you can keep your head when all around you are losing theirs"  
Is such an easy thing  
For when the world burns all around you  
It's hard not to dance and sing  
And rub their noses in  
The things you need never do again  
It's keeping the checkbook balanced  
That kills the hearts of men  
For crisis makes its own heroes  
Weather real or perceived  
There are more than enough Neros  
To persecute every creed

###  Kodak Paper

(September 1988)

If I were any kind of man, I'd know what to do  
If I were a hero, I'd surely save you  
If I were a fire, I'd burn to keep you warm  
If I were a soldier, I'd keep you safe from harm

If I were a door, I'd always open for you  
If I were a color, I'd try to be your hue  
If I were a drink, I'd die to quench your thirst  
If I were a virgin beach, I'd let you walk me first

If I were a thermostat, you'd never be cold  
If I were a calendar, you'd never get old  
If I were a martyr, I'd gladly die for you  
If I were the weather, your sky would always be blue

If I were I coat, I'd keep the snow off your back  
If I were a cab driver, I'd help you unpack  
If I were a thinker, my thoughts would be of you  
If I were a light, I'd hide the night from you

But are you behind those eyes?  
Are you behind those eyes?  
Is there anyone in there?  
Is your guise your disguise?  
Is there more than Kodak Paper  
Behind your eyes?

If I were a light, you'd flip off my switch  
If I were a shooting star, on me you'd never wish  
If I were a lover, I know you'd leave me  
If I were the dry land, you'd drown yourself in the sea

If I were a lifeguard, I'd die to save your life  
If I were your husband, I know you'd never be my wife  
I know you're a star, exploding in my sky  
I know you're my vampire, who'll never quite die.

###  Learn How To Drive

(1993)

Ein, swei, drie, fier, funf, sechs, seben, act-  
I hate  
The boats  
That cut  
Me off  
On my way to work  
I know you fought in World War Two  
I know you fought in World War Two  
I know you fought in World War Two  
But you're not fighting now  
Learn how to drive!  
You're not in Indiana anymore  
You're not in Indiana anymore  
You're not in Indiana anymore  
Learn how to drive!

I hate  
The cute  
Little girl cars  
That cut  
Me off  
On my way to work  
I know you are a pretty girl  
I know that you're a pretty girl  
I know you're a pretty little girl  
But I really want to ram your car  
You're not in Junior High anymore  
You're not in Junior High anymore  
You're not in Junior High anymore  
Learn how to drive!

###  Leaves Fall (fragment)

(11/9/88) [*]

Leaves fall, and so shall I  
Pile into the ground  
The younger lemming stand behind and watch the front ranks drown  
Gaily colored autumn leaves, each one hides a scream  
As the steps grow farther apart, I understand what they mean

Winds roll in, and blowing cold,  
Drag me along time.  
A flurry of leaves all around  
Hide what I left behind  
Each night as I sleep I rest my head  
Closer to the ground  
Comes the dawn, birds fall like leaves  
And the cliff just won't come down

Does the world end every night?

People smile as I drag by, clawing at the air

[*\- The original version of this song was excruciatingly longer, and was entirely a product of my mopey prog-rock days. Fortunately only a tiny bit survives. I offer it here as a portrait of the artist as a young hack.]

###  Let's Spend the Night Together

(5/6/90)

In the shadow of the valley of death  
Let's get naked together  
Make a feeble attempt to distract ourselves  
And talk about the weather  
Spend Sunday in the church of our mattress  
Your sighs are how I pray  
They say our sins are all forgiven  
What's another sin anyway?

Let's spend the night together  
Let's spend the night together  
Let's spend the night together  
And pray.

Ignore the dual frightening nature of man  
And hop into bed  
Know what I lay for, but not what I stand for  
As long as you give me head  
Got no idea wherever I come from  
Or where I'm going to  
If I think about it, I get frightened  
So in lieu of meaning  
May I please try to hide in you?

###  Lousy Song

(6/13/08)  
New Port Richey

It's a lousy song,  
But they played it three times in the film  
And again in the closing credits

She don't want comfort,  
She only wants to sleep around.

The director wrote it himself  
And he thinks it's great.  
He used to have a band, you know.

Am I the only one who feels Michelle Shocked  
Has kind of lost her way?

That's his sister singing it in the lounge scene  
Yeah, they do that a lot,  
Cast their own like that.

She's a girl from Gagarin  
An island in the sky  
Just a visitor here  
She doesn't understand your ways

###  Love or Japan?

(10/20/08)

Her weblog hasn't been updated for quite a while  
9/17 is the last day  
My sent file is full of notes she hasn't answered  
Hope everything's okay.  
She mentioned something about her band going on tour so  
It's possible she's just away  
She said there was some new beau she was crushing on  
Hope everything's okay.

Is she in love?  
Or is she only in Japan?  
She's fallen off the face of the world.  
Either way.  
So if she's in love  
Or if she's only in Japan  
We'll all just wait for her to  
Turn up again someday

Her band site is down for renovation  
Lots of dead links there today  
She's my long lost reincarnated unofficially adopted kid sister  
I worry when she disappears this way.  
I selfishly hope she buys that Japanese soundtrack I asked for  
If she's supporting her E.P.  
But probably it's not either option, and she's just  
Visiting her real family in W.V.

And if someday  
She finds love in Japan  
Then we'll never get her back  
Anyway

###  Major Nelson's Girl

(1993)

So you ask me if I'm happy  
I say that it'll do  
You ask me if I love you  
I say I haven't got a clue  
You ask me why I'm so mean  
I say I'm trying to be nice  
You ask me what I'm looking for  
I tell you what I think is my price

If I ever had me a woman, I'd like one just like the one  
That cleaned up the place for Major Anthony Nelson

I want a woman who's good on guitar  
I want a woman who drums too  
Just so long as she don't sing or play bass  
Any better than I do (not that that's hard)  
I want a woman with a photographic memory  
I want a woman with a 200 IQ  
I want a woman who can travel through time  
Which is why I don't wanna settle for you

I want a woman who'll have a great job  
I want a woman who can fly a plane too  
I want a woman from the 24th century  
Highly evolved breasts would really suit her too  
I want a woman who will let me be lazy  
Have a bunch of kids and keep her figure too  
I want a woman who looks great in black  
And at the Sunday school picnic visiting the zoo

So why did Tony string her along for so long?  
I Thought about it, and I haven't got a clue  
My best guess is he found her so fast  
He wanted to hold off to see how much better he could do  
So why did I string you along for so long  
Thought it over and I haven't got a clue  
My best guess is that I found you so fast  
I want to hold off & see how much better I can do

Because:

If I ever had me a woman, I'd like one just like the one  
That cleaned up the place for Major Anthony Nelson  
I want a woman who can do anything  
I want a woman who can do anything  
I want a woman who can do anything  
So I won't ever have to try

### Matt Helm

(4/13/16)

Late to bed and late to rise  
Won't make you wealthy, but it might make you wise  
When you gave in to her sighs  
Then you woke and she's gone

You danced and heard her sing  
You begged and promised anything  
Wake to find she took everything  
Yeah it's gone, yeah it's all gone

What was the harm in a little sin  
Then she slipped you a mickey finn  
You can still feel your head swim  
And your pride is gone,

Yeah, man, it's all gone

Monday comes, your wife is back from her biz  
Cover it up, cuz you like like a wiz  
Then she asks where the checkbook is  
But it's gone

And soon you're alone

You ain't Matt Helm  
No, you aint' Matt Helm  
Brother, you ain't Matt Helm  
You're not even Tony Rome

###  Man Without a Plan

(5/15/88)

Standing on a corner  
Suburbopolis™ the all American town  
Leaders are lazy  
Flags keep blowin' down  
Marble buildings rot

So tell me Mr. Tracy,  
Where have you been?  
Wrist radio blown a fuse?  
Saving honor and trust too much for you?  
Or have you just gotten cynical?

We sit around waiting for  
Jefferson, Lincoln, anyone  
To solve our problems for us  
So we don't have to.

The whole in Ivan's brains  
Let all his dreams peter through  
And if pure love is gone, I don't know what to do  
I stand on the corner  
Watching the world fall apart  
And all I can remember  
Is what they did to my heart

I don't know what to do  
I'm just a man without a plan,  
So tell me, Dick, what's it gonna be?

### Melanoma

The day you get the call  
You expected it, so you're not alarmed  
Then they tell you it's not nothing.  
You're ore stunned than scared  
But you pop a xanax just to be safe  
Because you know the fear is coming  
They assure you it's not dangerous... yet  
Then they schedule emergency surgery  
For that very afternoon  
"Yet" being a very short time, apparently.  
You walk to the bedroom  
You punch the door  
You don't need to,  
You just feel you should do something like that.

The day you get the call  
You decide not to think of Mark  
Who died of the same thing  
Or possibly some similar but lesser thing  
You're bad with details.  
You've blocked a lot of that out.  
You think, "Well the hell with my diet,"  
And go out for an unhealthy breakfast  
You're a stress eater  
Your life is never anything but stress  
You had a couple good days  
Now this.  
Screw it, I'm having the steak biscuit  
With no eggs, but three cokes.

The day you get the call  
You get reassurance.  
"Your doctor is good.  
They caught it early.  
They're taking it seriously.  
There are treatments for this  
The odds are 90% in your favor  
There are treatments  
A friend's had it for fourteen years  
And is doing fine.  
You've always been lucky  
They caught it before it got serious  
And God is with you"  
"I hope so," I say,  
"But I've really done a lot of stuff to anger Him,  
If I'm honest."

The day you get the call  
You think how little you've got  
To show for 49 years  
And how little you've done  
"I've been to Disney World a few times,"  
"And you went to England," the wife says  
And I wrote seven books, I think  
Which no one will ever read  
And you care for your wife and Kid  
Both of whom would be left  
High and dry and devastated  
By your death  
Your kid is special needs  
He can't function without you  
And you think unkind things  
About your mother  
And again reflect on whether or not  
Those kinds of things anger God."  
They probably do.

The day you get the call  
You think about the logistics  
Of picking your kid up from school  
And lying to him to keep him calm  
Then dragging your way across town  
To the doctor  
Where they'll whittle away on you  
And flip the coin  
Hopefully saving your life  
But maybe not.  
Either way you won't know  
Until pathology comes in  
And until that happens  
You just sit and watch the count down  
Which, if you're honest  
Is all you've ever really done  
For forty-nine years.  
So since it's your only skill  
You watch it count down some more

On the day you get the call.

###  Menage 'a Art Fags

(10/24/91) [*]

She left him at the altar after dragging him there  
Something about 'finding herself',  
though her reasons weren't clear  
He took it fairly well, though he wished she was dead  
She found her self painted blue  
And trussed to another guy's bed

She was an art fag

A different guy took pictures of her in her underwear  
Hanging from the ceiling,  
People paid to see her there  
He was a genius so they'd do it under the audience' stare  
She really did love him  
But he had a new chick next year

He was an art fag

Back home a few years later, she was her ex there  
He didn't want her, but he painted  
And she modeled in a chair  
Eventually he took her back, feeling it was only fair  
Then all three died 'cuz  
They'd been clapped up all these years.

They were art fags  
Pompous and droll  
they were an art fags  
Too much cocaine on the whole  
Art fags  
Self important and crass  
Art fags  
Who'd like to kick the ass of an  
Art fag

[*- "Art Fag" was a common 80s/90s term of derision for the self-important pretentious artist types, many of whom affected disaffected personas. Though wildly offensive now, it actually had nothing to do with homosexuality. (You'll note in the lyrics that all three characters are straight) Though, of course, a good number of such people were gay. Oddly, at least in my experience, gay people were never called art fags.

"Fag," was obviously an intended as in insult to homosexuals, but it was as commonly used as a humorous insult for people you knew weren't gay. Make of that what you will.

I've decided to include this in the book without altering the words because this was written a quarter century ago. I've changed since then, but I see no need to pretend that I was always a saint.]

###  Middle-Aged Stoned

Just a little Xanax  
Chase it with some beer  
It drives away the panic  
When you're not here

Just a little Lamotrigne  
To keep my head bolted on straight  
I tend to rapid-cycle  
When I stay up too late

Not middle-aged crazy  
But I am middle-aged stoned  
When life you purchased  
Turns out to be loaned

Just a little Prozac  
To keep the rage at bay  
Hard not to excited  
The way things seem today

Not middle-aged crazy  
But I am middle-aged stoned  
When all the things you fought for  
Move away from home

The days ahead are fewer than the days behind  
Not middle-aged crazy  
But I am middle aged sad  
When your entire life  
Leaves you feeling bad

###  Mister Creepy

(6/20/08)

He's mister creepy, he's mister sad  
Brain's rotted and leaky  
He's got it bad

He's full of anger, the kind you can't trust  
The kind that'll turn against you  
In the middle of the bust  
Unaccustomed as I am to enjoying myself

He hates his father, hates his mother too  
And the things he blames on them  
Are the things he likes about you

He's mister creepy, he's mister mean  
He's the kind who'll never get past  
All the things he's seen  
Unaccustomed as I am to enjoying myself

Eat up by hatred on every side  
'Til nothing's sacred  
And profane things can't hide

He's so self-serving, though not too good  
At lining his own pockets,  
He'd rob you blind if he could  
Unaccustomed as I am to enjoying myself

By seeing another's demise  
I find I have to articulate  
Exactly what it is that you prize  
And though it profit me  
To say exactly nothing at all  
As he attacks my worst enemy,  
This isn't a way even my worst enemy should fall

He's so damn creepy, an angry wet hen  
And there's no way he can be clean  
After all the people he's been  
Unaccustomed as I am to enjoying myself

###  Mix Tape

(8/5/08)

You never answered my emails  
I guess that means we're through  
You never return my phone calls  
But that's just too bad for you

Too late – for us to hang out together  
Too late – for us to be friends  
Too late – for us to talk about TV  
Too late – but one question before the end:

Where's my mix tape?  
Where's my mix tape, baby?  
Where's my mix tape?  
The one you promised me way back when?  
Where's my mix tape?  
The one you claimed you made when we were still friends?

At the start you just assume  
You'll be together without end  
But propinquity is a bitch  
Where are those letters you meant to send?

Too late – to take another stab at it  
Too late – to try and start again  
Too late – to stay up watching old movies  
Too late – but answer me this, my ex-friend:

Where's my mix tape?  
Where's my mix tape, baby?  
Where's my mix tape?  
The one you promised me way back when?  
Where's my mix tape?  
The one you claimed you made when we were still friends?

It's all all all all all all all all all all  
That I have left of you  
And there's one one one one one one one  
One more thing that I must do

Too late – for anything but betrayal  
Too late – there's nothing left we can do  
Too late – but where's that mixtape, baby  
Too late – I'll burn it unlistened in front of you

###  Most People Outgrow It

(6/24/08)

His hair is graying and his feet hurt  
His throat burns after he hits that high note  
But at he can still belt out a tune  
Even if his career totally missed the boat

No polyps on the vocal cords yet  
And he's still got a wicked scream  
But most people outgrow this kind of thing  
By the time they turn eighteen

He says "hi" to the skanky chick  
Who comes to all their shows  
She once had sex with Robin Zander  
But that was a long, long time ago

He knows he'll never be rich or famous  
And local heroes never get too far  
And for all eternity he's just as damned as Sisyphus  
To rock this stupid fucking bar

###  Murderin' Shovel

(2/9/11)

Remember the night we first met  
After all that rain?  
A snake got in your house and it scared you so bad  
You screamed as if you'd gone insane

I grabbed my murderin' shovel  
And tore across the lane  
Burst into your house and without a word  
Well I hacked that thing in twain

Thank God for my murderin' shovel  
That made you my ball and chain  
You said I was your superman  
And you'd be my Lois Lane

Remember how you called me your hero?  
And said you'd always feel the same?  
Remember how you made me love you?  
Remember how you staked your claim?

Remember how I bought you that big house?  
Paid for with thirty years of pain.  
Now you throw my over for some new louse  
Well, you've got no sense of shame

But I've still got my murderin' shovel  
And oh my ball and chain  
I may not be your superman,  
But you're not my Lois Lane

Remember the first time you cheated?  
Or were there so many it's slipped your brain?  
We've got six kids that you claim are mine,  
But all they've got in common is my last name.

But I've still got my murderin' shovel  
Which no order can restrain  
I may not be your superman  
But you're not my Lois Lane

I've got my murderin' shovel  
The snake in the house bears your name  
I may not be your superman  
But you're not my Lois Lane

One last job for my murderin' shovel  
One last time you'll speak my name  
I may not be your superman  
But ain't no Lois Lane

###  My Baby's the Last of the Communists

(September 1992)

My Baby's the last of the communists  
She's got little red stars in her eyes  
But that's before 1990  
Now she just walks around and sighs

Yeah she and her kind they had a dream  
That withered and blew away  
Now my little pinko's got the blues  
And plays the Internationale all day

My baby's the last of the communists  
Though she tries to say that's not the case  
Watches old tapes of CNN and says  
"Them Ruskies sure acted in haste"

Yeah, she's tried the new age; she's tried Tao  
But she still seems frustrated to me  
Since they ran her Marxist-Lenninist buddies outta town  
She can't replace her ideology

My baby's the last of the communists  
And she's leaving me any day now  
She's headed off to people's china  
Gonna try out chairman Mao  
Gonna try out chairman Mao  
She's gonna try out chairman Mao

'Cuz a man named "Yeltzin" broke her heart  
A man named "Yeltzin" broke her heart,  
A man named "Yeltzin" broke her heart,  
She's gonna try out chairman Mao.

###  My Heart is on Fire

(1/26/11)

An inspiration comes  
While toiling at the sink  
A little progression  
Though it's kind of weak

And when the melody shows  
It's not that bad  
Yeah, when it pops into my head  
It's not too bad

Wet hands on pencil  
Wrestling this new travail  
Excited illegible notes  
Dishes still in the pail

And "My heart is on fire, oh-oh-oh"  
Forms a line  
But why should that come, "oh oh oh"  
To my mind?

So it grows and grows  
Becoming more complex  
New bits here and there  
Helping them to connect

And it seems a little too easy, yes it does,  
This time  
I can't place that something,  
In the back of my mind

Now I'm in full gear  
Cogs beating out the time  
When the realization come  
About that "heart" line  
The tune is from some other song  
Not even remotely mine

Someone's heart is on fire, "oh oh oh"  
But it's not mine.  
'Cuz it's a pain in the ass and oh oh oh  
Such a waste of time

So much for inspiration  
I head back to the sink...

###  My Idiot Roommate

(10/23/91)

My idiot roommate threw out the TV Guide again  
If he ever does this again  
I'm gonna kick the living crap out of him

My idiot roommate threw out the TV Guide again  
I don't know if Seinfeld comes on tonight  
or even when when

Why did my idiot roommate throw out the TV Guide again?  
It's only Wednesday night  
So there's no reason I can comprehend  
I may have to redefine  
Whether or not he's worth being a friend

###  My Sausage-Eyed Girl

Well, your rainbows are monochromatic  
And your spinsters are all whores  
Your drama is so anticlimactic  
And your opportunities close doors

You're so sexy in those clothes  
Take them off and come here, darling  
You're not sexy when you're naked?  
Wow, that's really disappointing!

But your eyes, your eyes, your eyes, your eyes  
Are like two...

Your hymns are all profane  
My hills are sinkholes for you  
Your commonplace is my exotic  
Your heart beats me black and blue

But your eyes, your eyes, your eyes, your eyes  
Are like, are like, are like  
Two pieces of...

But your eyes, your eyes, your eyes, your eyes  
Are like, are like, are like  
Two pieces of  
Sausage  
On a French bread pizza  
And I'm not entirely sure  
If I should eat you.

###  My Sorrows in Reverse

I cannot let us end this way  
I will not allow it  
After all that we have been  
I refuse to be left standing alone in a field  
While you lay beneath

My sorrows played in reverse become joy  
I will see you come out of the ground  
Out of the box  
Out of the funeral  
Into the hospital  
I will see you slip from death to life  
Rather than the way it happened  
The way it happened made no sense  
The way it happened was so cruel.

Play my sorrows in reverse:  
Rather than getting weaker and weaker  
You will get stronger and stronger  
The doctors putting the pieces back in you  
Each one getting stronger once attached  
You getting healthier until the ambulance  
Screams through traffic in reverse  
To take us home

Play my sorrows in reverse:  
Your anguish becomes laughter  
Your gradual decline becomes  
Gradual improvement  
Until you are well  
Until I am well with you  
And better we shall become!  
From thin and frail we grow stronger  
My hair comes back  
My stomach goes away  
Your bosom heightens  
Our skin grows tight  
We laugh and touch constantly

If only you play my sorrow in reverse.  
We make love for the first time  
But in reverse it is our last  
When done our hearts beat  
Slower, slightly slower  
As we work our way down  
Our last kiss really our first  
Stolen in a crowd  
Our hands touch  
Slip apart  
You smile as we talk  
But gradually less so  
We move apart  
I catch your eye  
As you are swallowed by a crowd  
And then we never met  
All memory of you is lost  
All memory of me as well  
And we are alone  
But still alive

Play my sorrows in reverse  
And still reach an ending  
But it is one I could accept  
A long, slow fade that to  
Something other than  
Me alone in a field  
And you beneath

Please play my sorrows in reverse

### Myth

Nonexistent but real-sounding Country  
As a stand-in for a real one  
So you can rag on good guys and bad  
Without offending anyone

Created for a '60s spy show  
An artifact of the cold war  
A running gag on SCTC  
A pastiche and nothing more

Canada is a myth  
Canada is a myth  
Oh Canada, oh Canada, I'm so sorry  
But you just don't exist

They can't decide on a language  
Inconsistent writing doesn't stop  
When you see them in the united nations  
Their flag is clearly a prop

Canada is a myth  
Canada is a myth  
Oh Canada, oh Canada, I'm so sorry  
But you just don't exist

Do you know anybody who's from there?  
Do you know anybody who's been there?  
He claims his made-up girl friend lives there  
Which makes her the Canadian ideal because

Canada is a myth  
Canada is a myth  
Oh Canada, oh Canada, I'm so sorry  
But you just don't exist

Canada is a myth  
Canada is a myth  
Oh Canada, my home and native land, I'm sorry  
But you just don't exist

###  No One Likes a Moderate

(7/7/08)

It's true, it's true  
Charting out the middle path  
Makes folks hate you  
Why the middle of the road is so polarizing  
I don't know, but it's true:  
They'll hate you  
Yeah, they'll hate you

And if you live the way Buddha  
Suggests you do  
Then even God above will  
Not like you  
Since you're neither hot nor cold, He'll spew  
Out the lukewarm like you  
If the Bible's true  
If the Bible's true

This world is nothing but fanatics  
Who dislike you  
No matter how seemingly rational  
It's just what they do  
Atheist, Gay or straight, white or black, anarchist,  
Christian or Jew  
All hate ones who won't take sides  
Like you! Like you!  
They don't like you.

###  No Place or Time

(1993)

Rome is burning again  
It's not my fault  
Rome is burning again  
It's about time

I'd like to go far from here  
Somewhere the roads don't roll  
I'd venture so so so far way  
If that's ok with you  
I'd like to travel through time  
Find some place unspoiled and new

And if I drove all day for a million days  
If I drove night and day for a million years  
I'd come back home before I left  
With some place to go and dry your tears

But it seems there is no place else  
And it seems there's no other time  
And it seems there is no place to go  
And it seems that it's all here

###  Ode to an Ode

(11/12/08)

Have you ever had a song  
That gets stuck in your head  
That won't go away  
No matter what's done or said?  
I've been infected by one for twenty years or so  
It's a stupid little ditty  
And here's how it goes

"Just a stupid little song about Judy Jetson  
And how she does more than she lets on  
And if I had a time machine  
I'd ram it through my TV Screen"

As bad as that is  
It gets even worse  
'Cuz I remember the chorus  
But I never knew the verse  
I can't call her up  
But my angst isn't phony  
Between here and me  
There was some acrimony

Her brother sang a song about Judy Jetson  
And how she does more than she lets on  
And if he had a time machine  
He'd ram it through his TV Screen

That song was an ode  
To a fictional girl  
And this song is an ode  
To a forgotten song  
This is an ode to an ode  
This is an ode to an ode  
This is an ode to an ode  
Can anything be more pathetic?

###  Ode to the Good Martyr

(6/27/08)

Please, Please don't tell the truth  
Please, please don't let the lies end  
I know it will be the death of you  
But I'm asking you to pretend.

Because It's said we become what we pretend to be  
But in your case you know it's not true  
But it's too late to quit, 'cuz every wretch  
In this miserable town depends on you

So what? So big deal,  
So you're living a lie,  
The truth would kill them as you surely know  
So you must at least try.

Maybe you are what you pretend to be  
Maybe you really are not  
But whatever you are deep down inside  
Please don't let the lies stop.

The Jesus you no longer believe in  
Said "The Truth shall set you Free"  
As His bonded servant I'm sure you  
Can appreciate the irony...

Your guilty conscience is all that holds them together  
So don't ever let it end  
Without you they'd wither and blow away  
Their hopes you have to defend

It's said we become what we pretend to be  
But in your case you know it's not true  
But Manuel, you know it's too late to quit  
This town depends on you

###  One Sick Little Monkey

(1991)

Lights flash on throughout the night  
The music crunches to her delight  
She strips the gears, you slap her down  
It's a jungle in your little town  
Suburban boy in a suburban world  
We wonder why you get the girl  
We know that for just one twirl  
You'll take her out and wreck her world

'Cause it's a jungle out there  
And you're one sick little monkey

Lights flash and she dances in a cage  
Taunting men three times her age  
One grabs her leg, bouncer slaps him down  
It's a jungle in her little town  
Suburban girl in an urban world  
We wonder why you're so impersonal  
We know that for just one little twirl  
You'd take him out and wreck his world

'Cause it's a jungle out there  
And you're one sick little monkey

Something's telling you how you should live,  
Someone's making money off of you.  
Somebody's selling sex, beer, and rebellion.  
Someone's brainwashing you.  
Something somewhere isn't quite right.  
Something back then poisoned you,  
Some expectations have frozen your soul,  
I hope it's not too late for you, but

It's a jungle out there  
And you're one sick little monkey

###  One Step Closer

(4/4/10)

Well, my skin has gone hypersensitive  
Can't stand socks, nor a carpeted floor  
Wrap trash bags 'round my feet  
When I go out to eat  
Or off to my job at the store

One step closer to being a hobo  
One step closer to living outdoors  
I will sleep 'neath the trees  
And pee in the breeze  
And I'll smell bad for evermore

Well, the Democrats are back in the White House  
So no one's got money no more  
I can't keep my home  
The bank wants their loan  
I can't live here anymore

One step closer to being a hobo  
One step closer to living outdoors  
I will crap in the woods  
And steal your baked goods  
From the windowsill by your back door

Well, I can't afford my medications  
I'm talking with folks you can't see  
But I got an oily rag  
To clean the glass on your Jag  
So don't you feel sorry for me!

One step closer to being a hobo  
One step closer to living outdoors  
I'll be riddled with fleas  
Continually cough and wheeze  
This is what my fate has in store

###  Only Barely a Rebel

(7/4/08)

He thinks about December 20th on the Fourth of July  
Thinks maybe he'll blow off the fireworks to watch Firefly  
Obvious to everyone else, but he really doesn't know why

Only barely a rebel  
More a good-hearted fool  
He don't hate anyone  
And he feels like a tool

Long since lost his accent, though it comes back when he sings  
Wife is Cherokee, grandma was Jewish; that don't change anything  
When they assume he's a racist it still stings

Only barely a rebel  
He ain't even a Farb  
He ain't daydreaming at night  
About wearing gray garb.

His sad obsession with that long-lost war  
Is all about wanting to be something more  
In the present  
This unpleasant  
Anachronistic obsession  
Is because he doesn't know who or what he is.

Eats nothing but hamburgers and coke, he's not what you'd call "fit"  
And he's been beat down by life more than a little bit  
The south probably won't rise again, but if it does he won't live to see it.

Only barely a rebel  
No battles does he fight  
Lies awake in his bed  
Daydreaming every night  
Only barely a rebel  
Not that much of a man  
But he wants to belong, and by God  
Dixie is where he'll take his stand

### On the Whole I'd Rather Be in Baltimore

(8/18/93)

There's a town that killed old Eddie Poe  
And that's the place I wanna go  
There's a woman there that used to be mine  
'Til she got sick of my moods, sick of my lyin'  
But I know she loved me true  
So hers' what I'm gonna do  
I'm a-savin' my money and biding my time  
Gonna head out the door, I made up my mind

Had me a girl I don't have no more  
Had me a life and I want some more  
Had me a girl I don't have no more  
On the whole I'd rather be in Baltimore

I don't know much about the town  
Maybe she'll show me around  
There's a woman there that's a-gonna be mine  
I got sick of my moods, sick of my lyin'  
And you know I won't be blue  
I'll tell her a-what I'm gonna do  
Gonna keep me a job, gonna get me a life  
Gonna get that girl and make her my wife

And that'll be my stupid plan  
How I hope to win her hand  
And I hope my song won't embarrass her  
'Cuz I love that little girl  
And I know she loved me too  
And I know what I must do

Had me a girl a long time ago  
Miss her so much up north I'll go  
I'll brave the weather and a future unsure  
Just to make her financially secure  
We ain't been together in such a long time  
Some day though I'm gonna make her mine  
Had me a girl I don't have no more  
On the whole I'd rather be in Baltimore

###  On Top of the Mountain

On top of the mountain  
The whole world is down  
Every step I take  
Brings my feet to the ground  
People search for perfection every day  
As though it were wrong just to be OK.

###  Out of Music

(3/12/12)

Did he write a song in the decade before he died?  
I think I'd be surprised to find that he did.  
True there was that one posthumous album  
But who knows how long he'd kept those words hid?

He ran out of music  
Before he ran out of life  
Lost the inspiration  
Lost the beat and a wife  
Maybe he just got bored  
If he did, that's just fine  
He was an old man  
But it still feels like a crime  
And if his old heart  
Still held a tune or two  
Mr. Harrison didn't want  
To share it with you

Five studio albums since he died  
And maybe more on the way  
Granted each is a little bit weaker  
But the grave can't make his pen stay

He ran out of life  
Before he ran out of music  
Kept the inspiration  
Change the beat, lost a second wife  
He never got bored  
Even when no one was listening  
Even as an old man  
Even with sickness crippling  
And if his old heart  
Still held a tune or two  
Mr. Cash no doubt regrets  
He couldn't share it with you

Yes Mr. Cash sadly regrets  
He can't share it with you

### Politically Correct

mob violence, mob violence,  
gimmie gimmie gimmie mob violence  
mob violence mob violence,  
gimmie gimmie gimmie mob violence

Fidel Castro is a popular guy  
Adolph Hitler was not despised  
Engels & Marx were adopted by all  
Adam's wife supported our fall  
Jefferson Davis was voted in  
Benito Mussolini was once the next big thing  
Mao Tse-tung rose like the sun  
US Grant was a butchering favorite son  
Chuck Manson, a loved counter-cultural force  
George Bush, why beat a dead horse?

Little well meaning Hitlers make me nervous

###  Pretty White Girls

(1993)

My life is so hard  
My life is so tough  
Kinda scary being me  
Glad I got a rich daddy

I remember once  
For her birthday  
The fat girl got a party  
I only got a pony.  
I hear school is  
Lots of fun  
I've never been

Daddy's rich, and I'm sorta dumb  
I don't do drugs,  
I just say no  
But I have lots of sex  
Wherever I go

Life is tough  
When you're a pretty white girl  
With a lot of money  
In a corporate recording world  
Look at my breasts  
Don't look at the fat girl  
Daddy bought us a contract  
But don't be depressed

You can sustain  
I don't really know what that means, but they told me to say it

But don't be depressed  
Buy into the dream  
Look at my breasts  
Look at my breasts  
Look at my breasts  
Breasts  
Breasts  
Breasts

### Prophet

(7/2/16)

The prophet came from Asia  
Because they always do  
And he was a he because  
That's pretty standard, too  
So off you went to look for him  
Because he would not look for your

You sought and you found him  
In gardens of the orient  
Sitting staring at nothing  
And looking quite despondent  
You asked him what was wrong  
And he told you how his life went

"All revelations are much the same,  
But I feel despair and presage  
About the days after I'm gone  
And the corruption of my message.  
It's the legacy of every prophet  
Hence my saddened visage"

"But you, you are the only one  
To show concern for my feelings  
My kind are oft too depressed  
To go about our appointed dealings  
They never preach nor even speak  
And hang themselves from ceilings"

"Do you remember when we were young and funny," he said  
You confessed that you don't  
"Neither do I, but I still miss those days,  
I can't imagine a time when I won't."

You never told him your name  
But he knows it just the same  
You ask him what his own is  
But he refuses to tell you his

He says, "It's a parable we're in,  
So history is something you can't pin  
To time or place or space or even name,  
Which distract you from the flame"

"Of the messages from God to man  
Which anyone could understand.  
We could be then, we could be now  
We could be in the future somehow"

"Are we in Jerusalem, Persia or Bombay?  
It doesn't matter, so I won't say."  
And you recalled you didn't recall  
How you came to be here at all

"Some believers can only follow one  
If my name is wrong, then they'll be done  
They'll reject the words, reject them all  
So nebulosity keeps them in my thrall"

And then he looked so sad and gray  
You wonder why he gets that way  
"My words are heard just for one day  
And then they always go astray"

He asked, "Do you remember when this happened before,"  
You confessed that you don't  
"Neither do I, but I miss those days,  
I can't imagine a time when I won't."

"The message," he says, "always the same,  
And I'm the one to guard the flame.  
Let thoughts and words and deeds be good,  
And put off wrath for brotherhood."

"Protect the stranger in thy midst,  
And don't lash out when you are pissed  
Take care of widows and orphans too  
And don't let the world pollute you"

"The blessed poor, heaven is theirs  
The rich will have to use the stairs  
Restore the peace among yourselves  
And see the One in whom mercy dwells"

"There is no woman, there is no man,  
Let all with ears try to understand.  
Worship not president, nor pope nor king  
For their authority doesn't mean a thing"

"And that is all I can teach today,  
I need the throng to go away.  
For I am tired, and depressed too  
Any more and I'll get mad at you"

You ask, "My lord, why do you sigh?  
What is it here that makes you cry?"  
He looks at you, eyes full of sorrow,  
"Watch what happens here tomorrow"

"In the meantime, Do you recall when we were in love?"  
You confessed that you don't  
"Neither do I, but I miss those days,  
I can't imagine a time when I won't."

When morning comes you find the throng  
Is really not getting along  
An army of poor and another of meek  
Fight an army that turns the other cheek

Then meek and poor fight one another  
drawing blood over the definition of 'brother'  
The winning side celebrate with bells  
And then they turn against themselves

Others make idols of stone and would  
And claim the prophet said they should  
They worship him, they ignore God  
Ignore his inconvenient words, claiming them flawed

The self-appointed claim authority  
To interpret the message for the majority  
Who just accept this without a thought  
An unsold soul can still be bought

And then these priests inspire kings  
To war over the most ludicrous things  
What to wear, and what to drink  
How to pray and how to think

Words of salvation become ones of blood  
Spilled in cataracts streaming to a flood  
From a hill you watch this, shocked and awed  
The Prophets words caused an affront to God

He said, "Do you remember some better world?"  
You confessed that you don't  
"Neither do I, but I still miss that place,  
I can't imagine a time when I won't."

"God made us simple, we made us complex  
And that is we're all such wrecks.  
Rail against the dying of the light  
But it only seems to bring on the night"

"The message is so quickly spoiled  
God's plans for us so quickly foiled  
There is no devil, there's only man  
Continually railing against divine plan"

"But God keeps trying to set it right  
He picks people like me to spread the light.  
They shield their eyes, they look away  
And garble the words in less than a day"

"But some yet do hear, so there is some hope  
Hence I'm not yet a misanthrope.  
All are called, but few want to be saved  
Many think they're free but remain enslaved"

"I've kept this up, God knows how long  
For benefit of the few who don't get it wrong  
But now, disciple, my end is nigh  
I didn't mean to make you cry"

"The torch lays there, you could pick it up  
You could bear the trembling cup  
Too much to ask, but if you choose to  
I'd bequeath the mantle of prophecy to you

And you ask, "Do you remember when we were young and funny?"  
He confessed that he did not.  
You said, "Neither do I, but I still miss those days,  
I can't imagine a time when I will not."

You shake your head, you walk away  
Leaving him nothing left to say  
In gardens of the orient  
You leave him feeling despondent

He prays for you, but holds little hope  
He finds a chair, he finds a rope...

###  Pundit

(4/20/10)

I don't wanna be a pundit  
My opinions are my own  
Accept them at your own peril  
Or just leave me alone

Not the smartest guy in the room  
I'd never call myself wise  
But I'm pragmatic enough  
To sniff out some of your lies

Ain't callin' for revolution  
Don't want the world to be changed  
But if we got rid of both of you  
Would that be so strange?

Not trying to change your mind  
I don't get paid for this  
I'm just trying to sort things out  
See if there's something we both missed

I don't go for that hard right Reich  
Don't like the Marx on the left  
Just trying to find my own way  
While you scream 'til I'm deaf

Both of you forget that we're out here  
We don't care who's right and who's wrong  
We're the ones who gave you your power  
You're the ones who say we don't belong

And if you myopic ones  
Say your own voters are wrong  
Then maybe we don't need you, or the others  
Maybe we've heard enough of that song

Telling us that good is bad  
And that right is wrong  
That only you have the keys to heaven  
All other hopes are gone  
So I don't wanna insult you  
But if we got rid of both of you  
Would that be so strange?

If my words offend, you're free to leave  
But there are a few basic truths  
In which I've always believed  
And though you give them lip service  
I don't think you really do

And I think the vast majority of us  
Are getting sick of both of you  
So I don't want to be a pundit  
But I'd really like to kick your ass  
And believe you me my friend  
I will not be the last.

###  Put Them Titties Away

(8/20/10)

Well you used to be a movie star  
Your looks were your stock and trade  
But you suspect your stock is falling  
When you can't even get laid

Any trashy role to stay in the spotlight  
And though your surgeon is well paid  
He can't hide that you were already ugly  
Long before your looks started to fade

So put them titties away, my dear  
Put them titties away  
Also, we don't wanna look at your crotch anymore  
Put them titties away

You were the radio's lucky star  
Reinventing yourself in every way  
Though "Skanky" was your overall motif  
It don't get as much mileage today

There's a time and place for everything  
And that time was thirty years ago  
Putting 'em in my face to hold on to your past  
Just makes you seem like a desperate ho

So put them titties away, grandma  
Put them titties away  
Keep the gun in the holster  
When your skin has been upholstered  
And put them titties away

###  Rapture: 1980

They were talking about the buffalo chip flip  
On an NBC show they called "Real People"  
When he said to his parents, "Did you see that?"  
And the silence that met him felt lethal.

Still no reply when he said it again  
So he turned and found them both gone  
So he ran through their come calling for them  
And was frantic before too long

He screamed blue murder out the front door  
His panic both sprawling and pure  
For they'd disappeared in the twinkling of an eye  
And he knew that it was the rapture.

In his thirteen year old way there was only one thought  
And that was that he'd been left behind  
So he hauled out the church directory and called the preacher  
To convince him it was all in his mind

But the phone rang and rang and no one picked up  
Which scared him badly, but he knew what to do  
He called all the elders and deacons  
But it seems like all of them were out, too

So he hauled out his bible and read all the verses  
And calculated the days remaining as well  
But as bad as things were he knew they'd get worse  
In seven years he'd be sent to hell

His folks came back in while he contemplated suicide  
He screamed in relief while they rolled their eyes and sighed  
"What the hell is your problem, it's not like we'd died,  
We were just across the street talking to Lloyd Tabb.  
We were just talking to Lloyd Tabb."

But he danced in hysterics as the man looked at his bride  
The boy overjoyed that he wasn't yet to be fried  
And in a voice that was entirely unlike pride  
He said, "Can't we ever have just one normal night  
Just one normal night?"

"My boy, you're due for a long, miserable life  
If every time we quietly leave a room  
You freak out and panic and  
Frantically portend your own doom"

And of course it was.  
And of course it still is.

###  Reactionary

(8/5/08)  
New Port Richey

He wears his bleeding heart on his sleeve  
As he drives a range rover  
But he decries greed  
Brags about his carbon footprint  
But doesn't know what it is  
Wants what's best for the world  
As long as he gets historian

Defines himself by his liberalism  
His life is one big screed  
Yet somehow he's always managed remain  
Blind to his own greed

Voted for Clinton, Gore, and Kerry  
He'd vote for Bin Laden  
If Al Qaida said gays could marry

Says his opinions are reasoned  
And he really believes it, too  
But he invariably votes for whomever  
Madison Avenue tells him to.

The things he doesn't know  
Would fill a truck full of books  
Though he thinks he knows it all  
The answers are right there  
Though he refuses to look

He's every bit as reactionary  
As the hated ones across the fence  
And if he's ever actually right  
It's only by coincidence

If the world doesn't end  
The way he said it would  
He says it makes no difference  
And if millions die  
Because he was right  
He'll brag about it in his defense.

###  Reasonably In Love

(12/22/09)

I'm reasonably in love  
You fit me like a glove  
That isn't actually mine  
But I don't mind  
If you don't quite fit  
I don't give a shit

I'll write you a sloppy couplet  
If you'll be my pet  
And when you dump me one day  
I'll let you go away  
All that matters to you is you  
I'm all that matters to me too

I'm reasonably in love  
That's one thing I'm sure of  
Though it's not for all time  
I like the way your eyes shine  
'Til one of us will stray  
And the other will go away

I'm reasonably in love  
Approximately enraptured  
Vaguely impassioned  
Slightly smitten, somewhat enthralled  
But not quite willing  
To be captured

###  Reminiscing with Total Strangers

Didn't work out  
And you don't know why  
You're reminiscing with  
Total strangers

Sing a new song  
As you wave goodbye  
Reminiscing with total strangers

World keeps turning  
When you look away  
Reminiscing with total strangers

And the things you hate  
Upon your wall  
Are the things you loved  
Before your fall

Who's the old man  
In your mirror today  
Reminiscing with total strangers?

Things thought eternal  
Keep going away  
Reminiscing with total strangers

Pieces keep drifting  
From their place yesterday  
Reminiscing with total strangers

And you pace around  
Like a horse in it's stall  
To find something new  
But there's just nothing at all

And your memories are so over-worn  
You don't want them at all  
Folks you've known all your life  
Are strangers one and all

### Seventeen, Going on...

(4/28/17)

Now that you realize   
Most people outgrow it  
By seventeen  
And all   
All the time we wasted  
There's just nothing  
It could mean.

And I,  
Just as bad In my way,  
It's your way or the highway  
So it's time for me to go  
And I'd  
Like to forget the daydreams  
Of adulation and the screams  
Of crowds I don't know.

And when I look back,  
When I look back   
When I look back,  
Look behind and I realize  
There's nothing there to see

I'd like  
To forget all the girls  
That I never met  
That never existed  
I'd like to let that go  
And you  
You want to misremember  
Your nonexistent splendor  
And angry cargo

Look  
Look and try to realize  
Get it in your damn head for once  
And please just give up  
But, no  
No, you cleave to the notion  
That your genius fills an ocean  
Not just an egg cup

And when I give it up,  
When I give it up  
When I give it up  
I look back and realize  
There's a hole shaped like me

I can see you sinking  
And of course I'm thinking  
You'll drag me down with you  
But I can not save you  
I probably can't save myself  
With truths unseen upon a the shelf  
But I promise not to show you  
You can keep your dream  
I won't make you face why  
Most people outgrow it  
At seventeen

And when I leave,  
When I leave  
When I leave  
I look back and realize  
You were never there at all

###  Screw, Drive, and Dance

(1991)  
Orlando

She used to be a good girl, but not anymore  
She doesn't get paid, so I guess she's not a whore  
She had her opes and dreams, they went away  
Her nights are busy, she'll sleep in class today

She joined a sorority, so they claim it's all legit  
I guess she likes the attention she gets from it  
I'd hoped she'd do better, but she never had a chance  
All we let women do is screw, drive, and dance

So tear it down and pass it on  
And hope they have gone too far wrong  
Feel her up, pass her on,  
Sell your sister to slavery for a song

I knew her when she was young, but I don't know her now  
She's still pretty young, but doesn't look it, somehow  
You can't get in the clubs if you look like a little girl  
And if she can't get in, well, there is no other world

She's been knocked up three times, and she's only nineteen  
When I think about her now, she makes me want to scream  
I guess I might've helped, but I bailed out right away  
Hell hath no fury like a girl you won't let out to play

So let her down and pass her around  
Maybe someday she'll come home  
Cruise all night, sleep all day  
She gives, she gives herself entirely away

Real drums and nasty horns scare her, but she likes the house beat fine  
She's long since washed away whatever once lived in her mind  
She sometimes feels used, and really she is  
American girls are disposable in this biz

After all  
If they give her the one thing they don't need  
Then she'll give them everything that they do  
If you sell her on some great vice  
She'll claim it's a virtue

###  September 15th, 1986

September 15th, 1986  
Ain't a date that will live in infamy  
But it's the day I finally asked you out  
And you said you were too good for me  
Well, you didn't exactly say that,  
Just that you loved some guy at Annapolis  
Who ten years later would cheat on you  
But there's really no road map for this

Funny to think how I obsessed  
I remember what you wore that day  
I remember how your perfume smelled  
I remember how you turned away

The first love song I ever wrote  
You know I wrote it all for you  
I'll confess it was pretty poor  
And every rhyme ended in an "oooh"  
I hid it in my room  
Securely beneath my mattress  
But my roommate dug it out  
And the whole dorm mocked me senseless

Funny to think how I obsessed  
I remember what you wore that day  
I remember how your perfume smelled  
I remember how you turned away  
I wonder if I loved you  
I don't think that I did  
Just the safety you represented  
I was just a stupid kid

And I wonder if you ever knew  
But who gives a damn if you did  
It's not like it matters now  
And there's a reason I kept it hid

Funny to think how I obsessed  
I remember what you wore that day  
I remember how your perfume smelled  
I remember how you turned away  
I wonder if I loved you  
I don't think that I did  
Just the safety you represented  
I was just a stupid kid  
I remember how your hair moved  
How the light hit your eyes that day  
But when I try to picture your face  
I can't remember it today

###  Shall We Die

(6/1/91)

And shall we die  
In that last great night  
When the ground trembles  
And the sun runs away

Or shall something smarter than death take us?  
And warmer and much more broad?  
Shall our scales be lifted?  
Will we finally understand?

When the sky is split  
And the earth hides it's face  
Shall we finally know why  
We suffered in hells of our own making?

Or shall we understand  
That it will not make any difference  
And we don't care, nor even remember  
Please, God, don't let us remember

### She Said.

She said,  
"You're the kind of guy  
Who could get in a fight  
In heaven's parking lot"

She said,  
"That straight jacket  
Looks  
Looks kinda good on you"

She said,  
"Coal isn't  
Coal isn't that bad a present  
You can throw it at the people you don't like."

She said,  
"There is nothing,  
Nothing more unnerving  
Than Eden."

She said,  
"I sat and I stared  
At the sun all day  
Trying to search for wisdom  
And the one thing I learned  
Was that you shouldn't sit  
And stare at the sun all day"

She said,  
"I've been to the end of my rope  
So many times  
I might as well  
Set up a tire swing."

She said,  
"I wanna be the first person  
To tell a joke  
That's so offensive that  
I end up in a labor camp."

She said something  
Something about the Jackhammer choir  
Something about the Jackhammer choir  
But I didn't understand it.

And her spirit may be free,  
Her spirit may be free,  
Her spirit may be free,  
But her ass  
Is gonna cost ya.

###  Simon Le Bon is Fifty

(10/30/08)

"There's no sign of life"

She don't listen to the music  
But she keeps their merchandising  
She bought their latest CD  
But won't listen to the darn thing  
She knows all their lyrics  
But no longer hears the words  
She watches their old videos  
'Cuz modern life is for the birds

Simon Le Bon is Fifty  
And she ain't far behind

She don't even really like it  
But she can't leave it behind  
Xenophobia, not nostalgia  
She can't stand the modern kind  
She Saw the reunion  
Depressed her out of her mind  
He was saggy, fat and old  
Mirroring her own decline

Simon Le Bon is Fifty  
Can't get it off her mind  
Simon Le Bon is Fifty  
And she ain't far behind

"There's no sign of life"

Simon Le Bon is Fifty  
This is middle age  
Simon Le Bon is Fifty  
You're livin' in middle age

"There's no sign of life"

###  Six Days Later (fragment)

(1989)

And dear Lord, sometimes I fear the things we do  
Are not so much for love of you,  
Nor even for Santa to laugh hearty.  
No, sometimes Lord I fear we use your name  
As another excuse to party.

That is why, six days after the holiest of nights  
The world is drunk and stewed  
That is why 2000 years after the holiest of nights  
The world is screwed

###  Sorrow

(1993)

Some of us are overcome by sadness at an early age  
Our sorrow is our drink and bread, our wisdom is sage  
For life it is so empty, and hope can ring so fowl  
Our friend happiness seems foolish while we scowl  
But sadness sees a virtue, a vein running deep  
We feel remorse, not emptiness when we dare to sleep

To others sadness comes like a late guest to the ball  
But greeted strangely happily, rather than it not come at all  
It's presence strikes them oddly, those it takes late in life  
While other passions fade, cold overcomes love and strife  
I cannot speak of it's wisdom, or the foolishness of it all  
Perhaps it's only to feel something, rather than to surrender all

###  Sour Grapes

(7/14/93)

Someone's screaming in the streets and I don't care  
Someone's breaking in my house and I don't care  
Someone said the world ends today, I don't care

I don't care, I don't care  
Rip it up and throw it away, I don't care

Moon cracks open like an egg, and I don't care  
Mountains crumble and the skies grow dark, and I don't care  
Ben E. King runs for cover and I don't care

I don't care, I don't care  
I didn't like it much anyway, I don't care

Sun explodes in the noonday sky and I don't care  
World ends in a minute or so and I don't care  
Check my hair in the mirror and wish you were here

I don't care, I don't care  
Rip it up and throw it away, I don't care

Because

It's the end of the world as Michael Stipe knows it  
It's the end of the world as Michael Stipe knows it  
It's the end of the world as Michael Stipe knows it  
And I feel fine

I don't care, I don't care  
It's time Mike spent less time alone  
I don't care, I don't care  
It's time Mike spent less time alone  
Rip it up and throw it away, I don't care  
It's time Mike spent less time alone  
I don't care

### Spot

(With Tom Stroligio, 1994)

There came a light  
Much brighter than the sun,  
It came along  
And melted everyone,

And grandma didn't make it to the basement  
And daddy didn't make it to the base  
And my dog,  
My dog is just a shadow  
A shadow on a wall.

His name was Spot  
And he didn't hear me call  
And I don't hear him yelping anymore  
And I don't hear him yelping at all

It came and it took  
the entire population.  
Everyone said it would happen one day

It happened on the day  
of my daughter's graduation  
They said she was an angel  
Now she really is

They said she was an angel  
Now she really is  
And I'm the only one left  
To live this hard day

No more teachers, no more books  
No more of Burgess Meredith's metaphoric looks  
No more countries, no more cops  
No more of old Olympus' towering tops

No more family, no more friends  
Only me, and this is my end.

###  Sting's Hairline Reminds Me of the Amazon

(1989)

Sting's hairline reminds me of the Amazon  
Won't be too long before it's gone

Over the summer, I was a security guard in a Large shopping mall in Florida. I got paid to Keep people from steeling. If we follow this through, we see I got paid for watching people not steal. One day, after a particularly tough day of their not-stealing, my friend Dan and I got to complaining about celebrity endorsements for Greenpeace. I laughed and said:

Sting's hairline reminds me of the Amazon  
Won't be too long before it's gone

Cause of the week club. War in Korea, war in Vietnam, war in El Salvador, famine in Ethiopia (But don't talk about the war there, just don't tell anyone the government over there sold the food we gave 'em for weapons to kill the starving, and now the hungry are even hungrier.) sap. Sap of the week club. The "Artists" get to work off their guilt, the paying public gets a few telecast memories. Is it live or is it memories? Are we alive? Nothing ever gets resolved, our money and sympathy just get misled. Misused. Abused. Our heroes ego where no man has e-gone before. The bloated leading the blind. Look before you leap. I'm sick of preaching, so stick a guitar solo in here:

Sting's hairline reminds me of the Amazon  
Won't be too long before it's gone

I think perhaps it's some kind of yuppie druid thing, y'know? Maybe he feels that if the amazon comes back, His hairline will grow forward again. Conversely, if the rain forest dies, Gordon goes bald as a spear. Or not. I dunno. Anyway, it strikes me that I should be worried about south America for other reasons than 'cause a balding guy with an ego tells me to. Still, he's a good bass player.

Sting's hairline reminds me of the Amazon

###  Strange Nostalgia

(6/7/10)

He doesn't know why cleaning house leaves him crying  
She doesn't know why she's afraid of that chair  
He doesn't know why he lives when he's so into dying  
She doesn't know the ones she talks to aren't there

She doesn't know why she won't take her pills  
He doesn't know what ruined his prime  
She doesn't know why she always trusts the shills  
He doesn't know he's got so little time

And though I know what it is that broke them  
I don't know why I can't help or heal  
I don't know why they seek to suffer  
And I can't fix the way others feel

Lying awake, they say that they're fine  
And perhaps they are most of the time  
But there's something jagged  
That they can't quite touch

And yet cling to  
A strange nostalgia  
For feeling bad

###  Stuff Sucks

(3/5/09)

Hey baby don't you go out doin' stuff tonight  
'Cuz you know  
Stuff sucks,  
Yeah baby don't you go out doin' stuff tonight  
'Cuz you know  
Stuff sucks.

And they always call when you're trying to hide the body  
When you try to ditch a corpse someone always wants you  
On the phone  
It's getting so you can't toss a stiff  
Why won't they ever  
Leave you alone?

I don't wanna fight anymore  
I just wanna lie in the grass and be cool  
Just like the evil wizard Glick  
If he were straight, not gay  
If he were straight, not gay

###  Sunny Skies and Shadowy Lies

The sun is behind you  
As you walk down the street  
Casting your shadow over  
Everyone you've yet to meet

Time, Time is behind you

Your reputation precedes you  
A ghastly outline of monstrous pall  
Swallowing up its source  
So nobody sees you at all

Time is behind you

Casting a shadow over all you haven't done  
It's impossible to go faster than light  
But you still try to run  
Well you can dash all you want  
Under bright sunny skies  
That cast black, shadowy lies  
But you can never outrun you

You can whimper and moan  
Rail against cruel and unjust fate  
But you did this to yourself  
You weren't damned right out of the gate

Time, Time is behind you

###  Surely You're Joking, Dr Feinman

(1988)

There's this beautiful girl in my class  
Her name's Becky  
Doesn't know I'm alive  
(Actually, she's rather short)  
I can't think in this class  
I wish I was back in my bathroom  
I wish I could take a shower  
I wish I could distract my mind  
With thoughts inside  
White tile, florescent lights  
Lots of steam

Most of my ideas show up in the shower,  
Mainly because there's nothing else to do  
A sort of sensory deprivation  
I'm a genius when I run up the water bills  
At least with thought inside  
White tile, florescent lights, lots of steam

What the heck, I mean,  
Dr. Feinman used to hit strip joints  
When he was working on the H-bomb  
Look what that got him.  
Obscurity  
You'll never solve a problem by looking it square in the eye  
Ignore it. Distract your attention  
Sneak up on it from behind  
Dive from the sun, attack with a different perspective  
At least as long as there's  
White tile, florescent lights, lots of steam

Oh dang, I think I cut myself  
That's what happens when I shave without a mirror.  
Time is a four letter word

###  Take

(8/5/08)

Why do they want to hurt you?  
Why are they happy to make you sad?  
Why do they want to take it away?  
Why are they driven to make you feel bad?  
Why do they want to

Take, take, take, take it, take it away  
Take, take, take, take, take it all away

What is it about what's inside you?  
What did you learn at your mother's knee?  
What about them makes them condescend to you?  
What's wrong with believing there's more than they can see?  
What makes them want to

Take, take, take, take it, take it away  
Take, take, take, take, take it all away

They say your faith is only fit for a child  
And now that you're grown you should throw it away  
Maybe they're even right, but why so much pride  
In taking hope from children anyway?

Who are they to tell you that you're not  
Who they think you should be?  
Who are they to force you to say you're wrong?  
Who says their oppression is the only way to be free?  
Who are they to take it all away?

### Target

(2012 or 13)

Sometimes you get scared  
Sometimes you get sick  
Sometimes you need to lash out  
And I'm the target you pick.

And that's fine.  
You say you love me,  
And I believe it.  
If you need to yell  
To make yourself feel better  
It's my job to take it.

I will always be there when you get scared  
I will always be there when your brain gets sick  
I will always be there when you need me  
You will always be the one to forget about it

But that's fine  
You say you love me  
And I believe it  
And if you need to make me feel bad  
To make yourself feel better  
Well, that's my job to take it

But just so you know,  
It hurts like hell.

### The Association of Unassociated Breezes

(1989)

The cool wind blows  
I wish I could explain how it feels when it hits  
A breeze not of air but of mind  
Takes me back in time  
Takes me where I've never been  
There it snaps and I slide back again  
The lander lifts off and leaves me here  
With Penny & Will and the robot who loves us and  
Will risk his life (If he has one)  
A gust and I'm  
Outside Saga with Heather and Al  
They plan they'll always be together, but I don't think they will  
Around us the currents dance and shed and I felt their play  
Al didn't. They ripped them apart and carried me away.

###  The Holographic Rose

The hologram of a rose  
Falls and shatters  
It can't be fixed

This is our story  
This is our tale  
This is our nerve bible

You can still see the whole rose  
In the shards  
Though it can't be fixed

This is in random order  
This is the broken hologram  
This is our nerve bible

"The book is called Stories From the Nerve Bible, and what I mean by 'nerve bible' is the body, and parts of the body appear and disappear throught the book, adding up to a sort of self portrait, although not a very naturalistic one"

Jigsaw it together  
And know us  
This was our nerve bible  
This was us

[NOTE: Quoted passage excerpted from "The Salesman" by Laurie Anderson, Copyright 2008]

###  The Most Beautiful Thing

(4/1/10)

In your dream  
You live in Nebraska  
Which is weird  
'Cuz your home is in Tampa  
You catch a  
Plane to Naples,  
And drive to  
Cocoa beach by Kennedy

The hotel  
Is beyond all dreams of luxury  
With chariots  
Racing around the inside  
And as space shuttles  
Blow up in the fog  
You see it over there

It's the most beautiful thing in the world  
It's the most beautiful thing  
Which makes your soul sing  
It's the most beautiful thing in the world

Then you wake  
And it fades from your mind  
As you watch  
Leaving no details behind  
Just a hole  
In your heart filled up with dark

It's the most beautiful thing in the world  
It's the most beautiful thing  
Which makes your soul sing  
And you don't know what it is

Is it a song or a painting or a message from God?  
A statue, a vision, or idea?  
Is it a meaning for the rest of your empty life,  
Or the taco you ate way to late?  
No, you don't know what it is.

###  The Old Woman in the U.U. Church

(1/14/09)

The old woman in the UU Church  
Who can't stop crying  
She sits by herself.  
They believe her when she says  
It's because of the stroke  
She isn't lying  
But there's more:  
The stroke just took away  
Her ability to hide  
What was always inside  
Her heart

God knows she's got a lot to cry about  
She outlived her husband  
She outlived her wealth  
She outlived her children and grand kids  
Don't know her, and in the mirror  
She doesn't know herself

She's not looking for God exactly  
She knows her time in short  
She knows she's in bad health,  
She just wishes someone would tell her  
Some of it meant something  
All that she went through  
When the world was old  
And she was new  
She doesn't quite believe it herself  
Someone who'd return a tear with a smile

And though I have no idea what to do  
I swear I wont let that happen to you

They say they're all about love  
And in their own minds they are:  
The love of a man for a man  
And a woman for a woman  
And a people for rights  
And for righting wrongs  
And for themselves above  
Those dumber than they  
But not for a lonely old woman  
Who can't stop crying.

And they wish that she'd just go away  
And she will someday  
They inch farther away  
They say she won't mind  
They're leaving her behind  
A tear at a time

###  The Prettiest Lesbian I've Ever Seen

(1993)

She works out at my gym  
With her short, short hair  
And her long, long legs  
And her bull-dyke stare  
She's the prettiest  
Lesbian I've ever seen  
And I love her.

Like the Capulets  
And the Montagues  
Our affair, I fear  
Is screwed.  
She's got an innie  
I've got an outie  
She thinks my plumbing  
Is rude

But  
She's the prettiest  
Lesbian I've ever seen  
And I love her.

###  The Temple of If

(1/24/11)

Fate is fatal  
Fatalism's unavoidable goal  
Fate will kick your ass and break your heart  
Put you dead in a hole

Want to live  
But born to die  
When the stars themselves pass on  
Who will remember your cries?

Except The Temple of If

Things you don't know  
Far more than you do  
And when the panic comes  
It will shelter you

For uncertainty  
Can save your life  
Or at the very least  
Get you to sleep at night

In The Temple of If

For where there's fate, that's all there is  
But where there's unknown, there's still some hope  
Where there's uncertainty there's life  
So fasten tight your rope

To The Temple of If

Thank God above that in His love He provided  
The Temple of If.

###  The Washed Up Rock Star's Softball game

(10/19/92)

Well...  
Laurie Anderson sings the anthem  
Art of Noise backs her up  
Pete Best, he's the pitcher  
Steve Bartek, the shortstop  
Trevor Rabin is a pinch hitter  
Greg Hamm manages his team  
Mike Oldfield, he announces  
Because he doesn't understand the game  
Roger Hodgson roams the outfield  
Adrian Belew is pounds the plate  
Food For Feet man the bases  
Technicolor Yawn hasn't show yet, but no one wants to wait  
Wall of Voodoo does whatever it is they do  
Frank Zappa does pretty much the same  
Bad Manners brings us our bats  
Del Shannon throws out the first ball of the game

###  The World is a Ball

(6/20/08)

She left him  
But of course he left her first  
Years before they ever came up here  
Back when they were among the very first

And the ground is below her feet  
And the ground is over her head  
And curves up on either side of her too  
As she silently wishes him dead

The world is a ball  
The world is a ball

He wandered away  
From his family, his life, and his friends  
All for a collection of baseball cards  
That meant nothing after the world ends

And the ground seems still below her feet  
It isn't, but it seems to be  
The horizon curves up on either side  
And blocks in all they will ever be

The world is a ball

The ground spins up all around them  
That's not a metaphor, it really does  
She works in the stack of donuts on one side of the sphere  
Sustaining those who are left because  
Because  
Because  
She doesn't know why  
Though they say "where there's life, there's hope"  
Though with only 10,000 of the former and none of the latter  
Though she feels every one of the dead  
At night in her small lonely bed  
So she chooses to change  
The one thing that she can  
And prays to the God she no longer believes in  
And prays to God that she's right

The world is a ball  
The world is a ball

So she left him  
Though she should have done long in the past  
Back before the world burned out far below  
Back before they were among the last

And the ground is below her feet  
And the ground is over her head  
And curves up on either side of her too  
As is thankful she's no longer dead

The world is a ball  
The world is a ball

###  There's Nothing More Conservative Than Ignorance

(8/5/08)

He wears his bleeding heart  
On his sleeve  
Drives a range rover  
But decries greed  
Brags about his carbon footprint  
But doesn't really know what that is  
Wants what's best for the word  
But only after he gets his  
He defines himself by his liberalism  
His life is one endless screed  
Constantly says he's a good little leftist  
Who somehow manages to miss his own greed

Voted for Clinton, Gore, and Kerry  
He'd vote for Bin Laden  
If Al Qaida made a statement  
Saying gays could marry  
Says his opinions are reasoned  
And he believes it, too  
Though he invariably votes for whomever  
Madison Avenue tells him to.  
He like biofuels  
Says "they're good for the planet"  
As for the famines they've caused  
"That's the Republicans, dammit!"

And if the world doesn't end  
The way his politics said it should,  
He says it makes no difference.  
And if billions die  
Because he was right  
He'll brag happily in his defense.

The things he doesn't know  
Could fill a truckload of books  
Though he thinks he knows it all  
When clearly wrong, he refuses to look  
His one true faith is in  
His own superiority  
And yet his life is exactly  
The mess you'd expect it to be  
He's every bit as reactionary  
As those he hates across the fence  
And if by some chance it turns out he was right  
It's really only by coincidence

But there's nothing more conservative than ignorance  
There's nothing more conservative than ignorance.

###  **These Must Be The Bones**

Run, grab the massa'  
Run, gather around  
Run, point at this thing  
We found in the ground  
Stand, see the shadows  
Stand, see, and sigh  
Stand for the sun-blasted  
Bones from on high

These must be–  
Can they be?  
No they can't possibly!  
What could they be?  
Oh, what could they be?  
These must be the bones,  
These must be the bones,  
These must be the bones of–  
DON'T SAY IT!

Dig while praying  
Dig and sing  
Dig but don't speak  
And profane this grand thing  
These must be–  
Can they be?  
No they can't possibly!  
What could they be?  
Oh, what else could they be?  
These must be the bones,  
These must be the bones,  
These must be the bones of–  
DON'T SAY IT!  
But the children do:  
These must be the bones of an angel!  
These must be the bones of an angel!

So gather ye masters  
And gather ye slaves  
Gather ye accursed  
Whom Jesus saves  
Gather ye women  
In the Alabama sun  
Gather ye children  
In fear of The One  
Who made this monster  
And then took it down  
'Til all that remains are  
These bones in the ground

These must be  
These must be  
These must be  
These must be the bones of an angel  
Come and see the bones of the angel

###  Torch Song!

(3/5/09)

She  
Could be the one who loves you  
Or She  
Could be the one who  
Knocks your teeth in  
God knows  
You deserve one more than the other  
But I can't tell  
Which is which.

So She  
Could be the one who loves you  
Or she  
Could be the one who  
Punishes you for all your sin  
Which is more appropriate?  
A kiss  
Or getting slapped around  
Like a bitch?

'Cuz everybody loves a torch song  
A soaring ballad with which to sing along  
Everybody loves a torch song  
About love that's lost  
Or unrequited love that could someday be  
But probably shouldn't  
If we think  
Realistically

###  Transvestite in the Bookstore

(10/24/91) [*]  
Orlando

Transvestite in the bookstore  
I wonder if he's mocking us?  
Transvestite in the bookstore  
Yeah, I think he's making fun of us

Why why why why why why is he that way?  
Why why why why why why must he be that way?

Transvestite in the bookstore  
And he's walking over to us  
We getting strange looks because  
Now he's walking right up to us  
Why oh why oh why did we have to come here today?  
Now everyone in the store will think that I'm gay

Does it look like he's looking at you?  
Yeah, I think he is looking at you  
Well, I'm glad that he's looking at you  
Because I don't know what I would do  
If he looked at me

Transvestite in the bookstore  
Now he walks away from me  
He smiled and took her hand  
And now they walk away from me  
Why, why, why, why, why do things happen to me this way?  
A transvestite has forever stolen my girl away.

[*-Based on a true story]

###  Trapped Like Morrisey

(3/21/91)

I wish I could manipulate energy  
I wish I could hold her inside of me  
I wish I could perform musically  
I wish I wasn't trapped like Morrisey  
I wish I could invent something  
I wish I could be a peasant king  
I wish I could maybe learn to sing  
I wish I would try to do something  
I wish I could see the way you see  
I wish I could see from outside of me  
I wish I could see someone else as me  
I wish I was anyone else but me  
If I could try to do things differently  
Would I bid goodbye to the present me  
Or die and lie exactly like me  
Or, oh screw it, who cares.

I live so many years  
Without getting anywhere  
I have a lot of fears  
About cutting to the chase

###  Twenty Years Later

(7/3/91)

I don't much like the Beatles, and I don't wanna sing along.  
I kinda like cheap trick, but only the stuff without Tom.  
I worry 'bout 'Til Tuesday, can't get Aimee out of my head.  
It's three years later, I can't get over Roy being dead.

I won't be manipulated today, I won't be manipulated today

I don't like Paul McCartney, he should be taken out and maimed.  
I don't worship Madonna, she should be ashamed.  
I wonder 'wither Boingo, what'll I listen to instead?  
It's five years after Roy died and I still can't believe that he's dead.

I won't be manipulated today, I won't be manipulated today

I kinda like punk rock, and I don't much like this song.  
Though I tried to be angry, I know someone will still sing along.  
Angst can make money, beware the profit margin ahead.  
It's twenty years after Roy died, and I wish I was dead.

So keep your fingers out of my mind  
And pardon me if I mind  
Your ever having tried to put them there  
For I've been alive for far too long  
After all the joy of living is gone  
And even if I wanted to, even if I cared

I won't be manipulated today.  
No, not today  
Not by Music, anyway

### Untitled Song for my Wife

(6/23/08)

I live in waking dreams  
And long-term crazy schemes  
That insulate me from the world all around  
Saving me from the sadness  
Of occasional bouts of madness  
Is that I always knew they'd never get off the ground

But if I'm honest, I never really wanted any of that stuff I dreamed up  
If I'm honest, it was all just a substitute for you

My sad Walter Mitty life  
Caused no shortage of strife  
In the years I wasted before you came along  
Then all those deluded dreams  
Started bursting at the seams  
Overwhelmed by something vastly more strong

But if I'm honest, it was all just a substitute for you  
If I'm honest, I was just killing time waiting for you

You've got everything  
You've got everything, already, anyway

Your Vicks Formula 44-D eyes  
Still reflect my own surprise  
That day you casually brought me from the brink  
You gave the tin man the heart  
He never had, that won't depart  
That first time you said, "You know, I like the way you think"

But if I'm honest, I was just killing time waiting for you  
If I'm honest, all I ever wanted was you  
If I'm honest, all I ever wanted was you

###  Victims

(8/23/16)  
New Port Richey

Not that I think of you very much  
But I wonder whatever happened to you?  
You ran off with that morbidly obese girl  
And since then there's been nothing new.

Now I'm not going to use anyone's real name  
So let's call our ex, "Baltimore"  
But she dumped you for that weird mormon guy  
So she don't belong to either of us anymore

Not that I think of her very much  
But I found some old home movies yesterday  
She wasn't as hot as I remembered  
But my eyes were blind to that back in the day

Okay, yeah, we weren't officially engaged  
But she agreed we were close enough  
We were absolutely positively gonna get married  
'Til the L.D.R. started, and things got rough

We were seven hundred miles apart  
I imagine you know how hard that can be?  
Obviously you must since that's how  
You took Baltimore away from me.

I don't have any happy memories of her  
I thought it's time that you knew  
'Cause I can't remember her at all  
Without also remembering you

Not that I think of either of you that much  
But I do wonder what happened to you  
You ran off with her fat best friend  
There's schadenfreude in that, it's true.

"A woman's voice on the radio  
Can convince you you're in love," sang John  
"A woman's voice on the telephone  
can convince you you're alone," and she's gone.

Somehow I didn't get that memo  
I was terrified and deluded  
that the one thing I counted on  
Was so quickly pillaged and looted

She said I'd probably like you  
In a different situation, time, and place  
Why do girls always say that shit?  
Do they think it helps them save face?

She told me that you were broken  
That I feel mercy if I only knew  
So maybe you were a victim of your dad  
But I was a victim of you

I spent every night on the telephone  
Sometimes from dusk to morning dew  
She'd sometimes lie about me having a chance  
But she knew that we were through

"There is nothing so deep as the ocean," Lyle sang  
"There is nothing so high as the sky," but I was blind  
"There is nothing so frightening as a woman"  
"When she's already made up her mind."

Don't get me wrong, I'm a total loser  
But I'm also much larger than life  
Not to be arrogant, but my shadow loomed much larger  
Than some punk who wanted to fuck my wife.

You can ask anyone who knew me back then  
That I was pretty overwhelming  
Everyone wanted me to destroy you  
Counting down 'til I ended your little fling

Backpfeifengesicht is what I felt  
Look it up, I'm not explaining it  
But I resisted the urge because I knew how she's react  
If I left you bloody and oozing shit

But time scabs over every cut  
And now I wonder why you flew.  
You ran off with that lonely fat girl  
Not long after Baltimore dumped you

Do you even remember the one time we met?  
No, I don't expect that you do  
You were clearly intimidated as we walked by the old mill  
Which is exactly what I wanted from you

Do you remember how I predicted what lay down the road  
And you defiantly told me I was wrong  
And then every single bit of it came to pass just like I said  
Boy, I hope your memories of that were strong

But probably not. You never impressed me at all  
I told you that's why she chose you, too.  
I'm a loser, but I'm the three ring circus of impressive losers  
And you were just a day at the zoo

You were just a pit stop, not a final destination  
You swore you weren't just a rebound  
I said that I was the guy who broke her heart  
You were just someone who was around

I told you that there was a hole in her heart  
That was exactly the same shape as me  
I told you that even if I didn't win her back  
The two of you just weren't meant to be

In the end I was both right and wrong  
Right about you, wrong about why my future would be  
So even though I was a victim of you  
Ultimately you were a victim of me.

It's irritating that you likely don't remember  
How much I must have intimidated you  
I never lifted a finger or raised my voice  
But she later screamed at me until her face was blue

I'm not saying I'm blameless  
After all, it takes three to cheat  
Lost propinquity and all my empty promises  
Of the world I said I'd lay at her feet

You guys shacked up and as you'll recall  
I spent two years trying to get her back  
Then she dumped you for that mormon guy twice her age  
Who lasted longer than either of us could hack

So that's the story of you and me and Baltimore  
And how you both destroyed my life  
I don't believe things are or aren't meant to be  
But now I'm glad she never was my wife.

If you'd never showed, we'd be divorced by now  
I'm not sure how I know, but I just do.  
We're both married to others, we're both happy  
Somehow I sense that's not true of you.

(It wasn't the mormon, it was her brother's best friend  
They've got two kids and a persian cat  
I get a card from her on the holidays  
Not much to report beyond that)

So the fat girl borrowed a bunch of money  
And you split town  
No one knows why you left, where you went, nor what you did  
Nobody bothered to track you down.

If this account seems vindictive  
I laid it out just to set the stage  
It's been twenty-five years since all this happened  
And I wanted to say I've turned the page

I mean, I remember everything you did to me  
But over twenty five years my apathy grew  
To long ago make me forget the pain  
So: "I honestly forgive you."

Not that I think of you very much  
But I wonder whatever happened to you?  
I hope somewhere you and her found a happy ending  
But somehow I suspect that isn't true.

So the three of us were each other's victims  
Those years were one endless pitfall  
But I can't rid myself of the guilt that the poor fat girl  
Might be the biggest victim of all

### "Wand"

(4/29/17)

If I could fix you  
If I had a magic wand  
If I could wave it  
Magically wave it all away  
All of the pain  
All of the anger  
All the confusion  
All of the fear

If I could fix you  
You could understand  
No one's out to get you  
It's all in your mind  
You could forget it  
Let it all slip away  
Nothing would scare you  
Well, not much anyway

If I had a magic wand  
If I had a magic wand  
If I had a magic wand  
I could wish it away

And you could have friends!  
You wouldn't be lonely!  
And some old ones might come back, too  
The ones you drove away  
And you could be happy!  
And not fear the future  
You could be the old you  
Not this thing that's eaten you

If I had a magic wand  
If I had a magic wand  
If I had a magic wand  
I'd do that for you

But it took you so long to get to this day  
That you don't believe in your own decay  
And can't remember it was any other way  
And you claim that you wish it would all go away

But do you?  
What's it gonna be?  
Come on, now,  
What's it gonna be?

If I had a magic wand  
If I had a magic wand  
If I had a magic wand  
Would you let me fix you?

If I could fix you  
If I had a magic wand  
You wouldn't let me, would you?  
"Because you're not crazy,"  
"Because the world is crazy,"  
Because you can't leave this life  
You've lived it so long

So if I had a magic wand  
If I had a magic wand  
If I had a magic wand  
I'd wish myself away

###  We had Your Birthday Party

(5/26/16)

We had your birthday party  
At the place you used to go  
Everybody had a good time  
Though of course you didn't show

So sad you couldn't make it  
It was hard not to frown  
But the stories we told about you  
Made it harder to be down

And then I went home alone  
And of course you were not there  
And of course i woke up alone  
Where are you? Then I remember where

The first night without you  
Really wasn't that bad  
I was so exhausted  
I was numb rather than sad

But that first morning  
I woke and you weren't here  
And I wonder, then remembered  
And I was nothing but tears

Sometimes i forget for a few minutes  
That you're gone  
I'll ask if you want to go to the store  
And the silence reminds me i'm alone

I buy a lot less groceries now  
And there's less laundry to do  
But I'm still not really used to that  
And I still cry for you

But we had your birthday party  
Because we thought you'd want us to  
And we only talked about the good stuff  
Because what else was there to do?

Your ashes and pictures are on the shelf  
Sometimes I hide them from my view  
Our house has become a mausoleum  
And oh God, Gene, I'm lost without you

But we had your birthday party...

###  We Talked Like Men

(11/3/88)

In our 2/3rds world, we stared at the sand  
And wondered what was this beast called man  
That strode around, killed our brothers  
Filled the trenches, ate our mothers  
In our confusion, our survivors convened  
Electing to relocate our minds to this machine

Operation we dreamed of air  
Painless and not time high above. Nights in  
Flickering light currents, lives of love.  
Constricting senses The stars burned  
No more to fly down late at night  
But now to swim their cities beckoned  
The first all alight  
Dolphin cyborg  
Walked on the  
Land of sin

I the driver, with my friends  
Hope expediting this nightmare to end  
Terra striders leaving small tracks in the sand  
We stepped forth into the third of man  
No hallucination could tear ourselves away  
Fear explosion, lack of pressure, delay  
Hunting for their leaders, we got separated  
The only tow left: and she I mated  
We asked men questions in their tongues  
The salt air grew faint in our lungs  
And survive

We both got jobs  
We rented a condo  
We worked like dogs  
And then one day  
The beginning of the end  
Amongst ourselves  
We talked like men

We talked like men  
We talked like men  
We talked like men  
And ate fish at the end  
Of the pier  
We talked like men  
We talked like men

We talked like men  
And ate fish at the end  
Of the pier

As time ran by our consciences flew  
And we forgot all that we ever knew  
Though we, like they , for so long now  
On this dock, the sun takes it's final bow  
After all these year, now we see  
We are what we pretend to be

We talked like men  
We talked like men  
We talked like men  
And ate fish at the end  
Of the pier  
We talked like men are they fallen  
We talked like men are men fallen  
We talked like men and now are we  
And ate fish at the end men are fallen  
Of the pier death is calling  
We talked like men men are fallen  
We talked like men and so are we  
We talked like men are they fallen  
And ate fish at the end are men fallen  
Of the pier and now are we

###  We Won't Do

(1991) [*]

You'd touch my hand  
But the skin keeps you out  
You could touch my mind  
If it weren't for my doubts

You want me & I want you but we both know I ain't going to.  
An inch away a million years the membrane of my hopes and fears

You could touch my life  
If I had one to live  
You can't touch me at all  
'Cause the membrane won't give

You want me & I want you but we both know I ain't going to.  
An inch away a million years the membrane of my hopes and fears

I want me  
And you want you  
and that is why  
we won't do  
we won't do  
we just won't do

[*\- This song later was more or less eaten whole by "Ganymede"]

### Weirdo

(11/2/17)

He wrote "Hey Debbie Gibson" on the back of his guitar,  
And flashed it at the audience, confusing near and far  
If it was 1987 then we would have let it fly  
But it was 1988 so we wouldn't let it go by

And I was just a bit older than you are now  
And that's the life I wanted you for you somehow  
Funny-weird things happen all around you  
Just like the things that happened to me, too

You're not the kind of weirdo that I used to be  
You'll always be a bit off, but now I see  
I have to accept that you're not like me  
You've got to be your own weirdo

###  What Happened to the Songs at the Zoo?

(6/24/08)

What happened to the songs at the zoo?  
One day they'd just all gone away  
I don't think anyone but me much noticed  
Since they were all pretty lame anyway

They had these machines at the enclosures  
You'd stick in a card and then they'd play  
Some annoying wheedley hippie song about the animals  
You'd hear 'em thirty times a day

I imagine him in his annoying hippie music school  
Painstakingly learning to play  
Struggling for each new gig in an annoying hippie cap  
Voting libertarian and maybe busking on the quai d'orsay

After a decade the zoo gig arrives  
And he knows he's finally here to stay  
He rattles off some really crappy couplets he wrote for kids  
After reading way too much Piaget

And you wanna know what they sounded like? Well, I'll tell ya, they  
sounded a little bit like this:

"If you were to sit in paint  
You might get spanked for your caper  
And some people might think  
You look like an Asian Tapir" [*]

They'd been there a while when I first went to the zoo  
But brother, they ain't there today  
And I wonder what became of our hypothetical hippie friend  
Now that his one achievement has been renovated away.

[*\- Author unknown]

###  What Is It?

(11/12/08)

Is it a hair?  
Is it a burr?  
Is it an innuendo?  
I don't know.  
Is it a big fish?  
Is it a small garden gnome?  
Is it a metaphor?  
I don't know.

Is it a stick?  
Is it a brick?  
Is it an Eskimo?  
I don't know.  
Is it a woodland creature?  
Is it a train wreck?  
Is it your own head?  
I don't know.

Is it a pewter replica of a medieval village complete with a scale model of a Gothic cathedral, including load-bearing flying buttresses which open up internal floor space considerably, but probably really hurt when administered rectally?

I don't know.

What? What?  
What's up your ass?  
What is it  
Up up up up  
Up your ass?

I don't know.  
I just don't know.

###  What Kind of Crazy Talk is That?

(6/23/08)

She likes sex maybe a little bit too much  
She says "The Patriarchy" is trying to keep her down  
But what kind of crazy talk is that?  
Why would a man ever want to talk a woman out of sex?

He doesn't believe in God  
But he throws salt over his shoulder whenever he spills some  
What kind of crazy talk is that?  
How can you not have a God, but still fear a hex?

And the river keeps flowin'  
Until you have to leave  
And the distance keeps growin'  
Between all those things you say and what you believe.

They claim to be passionate about their trendy beliefs  
But when worse comes to shove they run  
What kind of crazy talk is that?  
Can you really have passion and not be willing to risk your neck?

And the road keeps a-rollin'  
Whether or not you drive the car  
And the distance keeps growin'  
Between what you pretend to be and what you are.

### What's Black and White and Red All Over?

(11/12/08)

I got my black stripes  
I got my white hat  
I got my white stripes  
I want my life back

But that's the way  
It won't  
Ever be.

She got her green eyes  
She got her red clothes  
She got that blonde hair  
I fell for them black hose

And she said that  
She only wanted  
Me.

He beat her blue with  
The back of his white hand  
He had the greenbacks  
She told me her plan

And then she promised  
To split it all  
With me.

He had the black tie  
He had the white tails  
I had the chrome gun  
He pleaded in yellow wails

But that's not a thing  
That would ever  
Stop me

What's black and white and red all over?  
Hey, Jack, it ain't me.

So she got the greenbacks  
I got the red hands  
She called the blue lights  
Put me in iron bands

That's the part of the plan  
About which she never  
Told me.

Yeah I got the gray bars  
She got a white house  
I'm foolish and red-faced  
For offing the big louse

And every day  
The devil waits  
For me

What's black and white and red all over?  
Both him and me.

What's black and white and red all over?  
I guess it's me.

###  What's the Rush?

(7/4/11)

Innocence may not be for you  
But maybe you should think this through  
Pull that trigger, cross that line  
Burn that bridge, slam that door one last time  
It can't be undone  
You can't change your mind

It all looks so glamorous  
And it might be just the thing for us  
But it doesn't know that we exist  
So I don't think we'll be missed  
When we show or when we go  
So maybe we should wait a bit?

Now is all there is  
It's the best we could make from what went before  
It's not great, it's not great, it's not great it's not great, but  
Don't throw it away, don't throw it away don't throw it away  
Don't throw it away don't throw it away

The future will find its own way  
Here someday  
You can chase it down if you want, but tell me:  
What's the rush?

There's no way back here from there  
There's no way back here from there  
There's no way back here from there,  
So tell me:  
What's the rush?

### When the Gentle Things Become Hard

Tight smooth skin becomes loose and gnarled  
Tiny weak fingers slip out of your grasp  
A guile-less smile now in rage ensnarled  
Happy singing becomes a braying rasp  
An empty house, no more playing in the yard  
When the gentle things become hard  
When things you love become things you merely tolerate  
When the gentle things become hard

The time comes when sacred songs lose their savor  
And profane ones all lose their tang  
Simple faith withers and God goes out of favor  
And the body politic is only sturm und drang  
When things you cherished have all been marred  
When the gentle things become hard  
When the things you tolerated become things you hate  
When the gentle things become hard

Things that were easy no longer come free  
The touch of my hand doesn't make your heart beat fast  
And real life turns passion to ennui  
None of the beginning things survived to the last  
When the shattered dreams bury us in their shards  
When the gentle things become hard

I will never forsake you  
When the gentle things become hard

###  Whiney, self-indulgent fragment

(1991)

All alone in my tiny home and I don't think I'm gonna' make it  
Make it

I once had friends, but they've gone away  
And I once had love, but it's long since lost  
My childhood hopes I have betrayed  
It's winter in Florida and my heart is frost

For there is nothing to do and nothing to say  
And no peace to buy, no matter the cost  
For the child in me was taken out and flayed  
And it's summer in Florida, and my heart is frost

All alone in my tiny home, and I don't think I'm gonna make it  
Make it  
Make it

I once wrote songs, I once had a band, and delusions, hopes, and dreams, but those I tossed [...]

###  You Can Do Better

(7/10/08)

You can do better  
You can do better  
Than her.

If she's your goddess  
You need to find someone else to worship  
If she's your mother  
She's kind of a bitch  
If she's your lover  
She's hardly monogamous  
What you call "Acts of God" are entirely  
The fault of that witch.

You can do better  
You can do better  
Than her.

One world.  
Is not enough.  
One world.  
Is not enough.  
But she wants you to think she is.

Whatever it is that she is to you  
Whatever you say that she says she is  
Yeah, they're kinda true  
But those are the worst lies  
And while you claim she makes you free  
She'll see to it that what you are now is all you'll ever be  
And when she goes down she'll make damn sure  
She's not the only one who dies.

You can do better  
We can do better  
Than earth.

### You Can't Count on Me

(8/26/08)

1 for the money I sent  
2 you  
3 days after you left me  
4 forever.  
5 times stayed but the  
6th time you left to find your  
7th heaven. I  
8 myself stupid imagining you on cloud  
9 that was  
10 years ago  
That was 10 years ago

10 years ago  
9 men died in  
8 different ways, for  
7 different reasons, on  
6 different days  
5 weeks and  
4 nights I spent  
3 feet deep in the hole  
2 far from my home  
1 foot from my goal  
1 foot from my goal

The Invisible Mean  
Is impossibly cruel  
The Golden Ratio  
Is just another tool

It was 10, 10, 10, 10  
10 years ago  
An obvious gimmick  
But where else could I go?  
It took you 10, 10, 10, 10,  
10 years to see  
What I always said was true,  
You can't count on me.

### Your Clarinet Solo is Moldering in the Grave

Your clarinet solo  
Is moldering in the grave  
All the effort you put in it  
All the time you could have saved  
Doing anything else  
Anything at all  
But, no, you had to get it right  
And that's how you spent your fall

Your musical history  
Is moldering in the grave  
Nobody bought that cassette tape  
Over which you slaved  
You failed molecular biology  
'Cuz you had to get it right  
You missed class every morning  
'Cuz you stayed out every night

Playing in those bars  
Where nobody listened to you  
Now that all's been said and done,  
Well what's it worth to you?  
Fifteen years have come and gone  
And that copy that broke was your last  
And you wonder what you've got to show  
For big chunks of your past.  
Were you trying to have a hot band?  
Was it your ticked out of the sticks?  
Were you suffering for your art,  
Or just trying to pick up chicks?

### You're Not An Atheist

(4/20/10)  
New Port Richey

There is no God  
And you're His atheist prophet  
As evangelical as  
The Christians you despise  
You don't just disagree  
You really want to hurt them  
You're vicious to anyone who  
Believes in lies

Yet  
You're not an atheist

You believe in  
Psychic phenomenon  
Claimed you had pyrokinesis a time or two  
Nothing that would stand up to  
Scientific investigation  
But it's still good enough for you

But  
You're not an atheist  
Do you know what you are?

The problem is they believe something  
The problem is it hides you from their view  
The problem isn't that they worship God  
The problem is they don't worship you

Because  
You're not an atheist  
No, don't flatter yourself  
You're not that cool

No, You're not an atheist  
You're just a dick

Yeah, you're just a dick

###  Zeno's Paradox

(1991)

Sometimes I wanna do things  
And people want me to do things  
But I never even know what things to do, baby.

I'd like something to do,  
You'd like that for me, wouldn't you?  
I know you'd like something for me to do, baby.

I'd like to get something done  
You'd like me to get ANYTHING done  
But I can't get nothing done for you, baby

It's such a long way down to get home from here  
It's such a long way up, but you can't get there from here

I'd like to be a success  
You'd like me to be a success  
But I don't think I'm gonna be a success. Do you, baby?

I'd like to start again, yeah  
I'd like to start again,  
But I ain't gonna start again, am I, baby?

It's such a long way down, even halfway there  
It's such a long way up, and no way to get there  
If I fall, I won't hit bottom, only halfway there

If I climb, I hit the top, only halfway there  
If I love, I'll never love, only halfway-care  
If I trip, I'll never hit, just hang suspended in air

Zeno's got me by the paridoxical short hair  
I've lost the drive  
To even strive  
I only sit and stare  
Zeno has enslaved me  
I hang in the air  
Alive but only half-alive  
I only sit and stare
