WHITMER THOMAS: My mom
 was determined to make it,
until the day she died.
She never did.
She never made it
in the way that she wanted to.
She sent me this notebook,
right when I moved to L.A.
She wrote a letter in it.
"My Golden Son, reach
for the stars, I love you so."
Then I wrote a bunch of jokes
about jacking off
in the notebook.
♪ I don't want to be-- ♪
My aunt called me
on my mother's death day,
which is a weird day
to call somebody on.
Like, I feel like
when Jesus comes back,
he'll be like,
"Okay, first order of business,
how's about we remove
all the memorabilia
from the worst day of my life?"
(AUDIENCE LAUGHS)
♪ (UPBEAT ROCK MUSIC PLAYS) ♪
I was in a relationship
for a while
that didn't work out.
Not sure why.
Her two favorite things to do
are dance and cocaine.
And my two favorite things to do
are feel left out and judge.
(AUDIENCE LAUGHS)
♪ Oh, yes
I just want to play it ♪
I'm bad at this.
My dad came back. It's exciting.
Dads don't typically come back.
But when it was convenient
for him,
-he decided to show back up.
-(LAUGHTER)
I might hit it perfect
right now. Here we go.
So close.
♪ (MUSIC CONCLUDES) ♪
(AUDIENCE CHEERING)
