 
SURVIVING YOUR CHILD'S FIRST YEARS:

A GUIDE FOR THE EXTRA-CHALLENGED PARENT

By

Jackie O'Donnell

For Mom and Grandma.

Surviving Your Child's First Year: A Guide for the Extra-Challenged Parent

Copyright © 2011 by Jackie O'Donnell

All rights reserved

Smashwords Edition 1.0, June 2011

Smashwords Edition, License Notes

This e-book is licensed for your personal enjoyment only. This e-book may not be re-sold or given away to other people. If you would like to share this book with another person, please purchase an additional copy for each person you share it with. If you're reading this book and did not purchase it, or it was not purchased for your use only, then you should return to Smashwords.com and purchase your own copy. Thank you for respecting the hard work of this author.

Visit the author and sample her writing at www.JackieODonnell.net.

Other works by this author:

  * _Paperback_ : Small Things Count—Simple Ways to Live Christ's Love Each Day

(www.SmThingsCount.com)

  * _Other e-books_ : go to www.smashwords.com and search "Jackie O'Donnell."

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"A baby's a full time job for three adults. Nobody tells you that when you're pregnant, or you'd probably jump off a bridge." (Erica Jong)

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Table of Contents

1-To My Sisters: Little Women

2-Baby's Room: One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest

3-Baby's House: Animal Farm

4-A Safe-Sane Home: Great Expectations

5-Poison-Proofing: The Mirror Cracked

6-Equipment for Going Out: Gulliver's Travels

7-Car Emergency Kit: You Can't Go Home Again

8-Laundry: Of Human Bondage

9-Diapers: The Trial

10-Mealtime: A Movable Feast

11-Bath-time: Moby Dick

12-Clutter Management: Call of the Wild

13-Daily Emergencies: The Red Badge of Courage

14-Larger Emergencies: War and Peace

15-A Few More Ideas: The Fixer

16-A Final Word: Look Homeward, Angel

Appendix

Index

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1-TO MY SISTERS: LITTLE WOMEN

We are part of a large family, you and I. In fact, the 2008 Census Bureau reported that 18% of the American population (51 million people) are classified as "disabled," and that, each and every second, someone becomes disabled. Included among us are all backgrounds and personalities. We have worked at every conceivable job. We are rich or poor, fat or slim, good or bad, sometimes happy sometimes not. In short, we are "normal." The thing that sets us apart is the fact that we often do not have as much energy as others. Then again, motherhood tends to sap the energy of even Superwoman.

We females, however, are even closer as family members. What binds us to this intimate sisterhood is a shared experience, that dreaded question when we're contemplating becoming a mother, "Now, Dear, do you really think you should?" Or maybe, "Are you sure you can handle a baby?" Does that sound familiar? We have heard it stated directly, had it hinted not too subtly, seen shocked faces when we answered, "Yes."

They mean well. They love us. But they sometimes underestimate us. Besides, that biological clock ticks just as loudly for us as it does for most other women.

So there you are, trying to balance a big belly and walk on crutches or squirming around to find the non-existent comfortable position in your wheelchair or discovering that your back aches today even more than your arthritis. You definitely said, "Yes"!

Admit it. When you were thinking about having a baby, you wondered how you would manage to bathe the child without drowning both of you. Or (most noticeably in those last, wish-I-were-dead weeks of pregnancy) you wondered if the work of raising an infant to toddler-hood would do you in. And always, you knew, there would be a well-meaning friend or relative willing to rush in and take over for a little while so it isn't "too much for you," adding more, not less, pressure on you.

Guess what. My non-disabled friends say it is no different with them.

What, then, is the difference?

Those of us with canes, crutches, wheelchairs, less than two good arms, or limited energy have thought more about parenthood before we set sail on that sea of formula and its end-product. Yet we are less ready. Why? Because others have exchanged anecdotes about what they did when Little Ronnie ended up in the cat's litter box. They have a storehouse of information and options to erase some of the question marks from the "what-ifs."

When I was pregnant with Brian I discovered that we do not have any of that. For example, I had only one disabled mother among my friends, and she lived 2500 miles away. Moreover, once Brian arrived, I did not have time or energy to join groups such as Handicapables to see if there might be a member or two I could become close enough friends with to discuss possible problems. Libraries were not much help, either.

What did I do? The same thing that disabled mothers before me have done: polished up my crutches and prepared for battle.

The first year left me with a great deal: battle scars (those diaper pins are sharp), a close, loving family, and many lessons learned.

I hope that, by the end of this book, you are more comfortable with your decision to have a baby. Naturally, because our disabilities are as different from one another as we, as people, are, not all of the suggestions I am about to make will meet your needs. Use what you can. Maybe the rest will, at least, entertain you and, at most, help you do what will be your most common activity during this next year or so: improvise. In any event, I know for certain that those wonderful events—first feeding, first smile, first real tear, first noise you are sure is "Mama"—will make you feel happier and more alive than you have ever felt before.

When I began writing this book, I had a difficult time finding a word to describe us. Choices included "handicapped," handicapable," "physically challenged," "disabled," and all the others you are aware of. Some are too cute for my taste, and some make me almost want to return to the degrading "crippled." I settled on "extra challenged" because it puts us right where we belong, as part of a group of women who, as new mothers, are finding themselves strangers in a strange land. But some of us are less physically agile than others, making us "extra" challenged as new parents. All first babies are experimental models, and they do not come with instruction manuals. Therein lies the challenge, especially when our own bodies won't do what we want them to do.

As you read along, you may feel as though I raised Brian alone that first year. On the contrary, without my husband's help I would have been exhausted the first week. My suggestions, then, are meant mainly for the times you are alone, with no help at all. They are also meant to enhance the unique experience of being a family.

So, dig out all those worries from your subconscious and set them on a nearby table, within smashing distance. Lean back. Pat that growing belly. Then prop this book on it and turn the page.

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2-BABY'S ROOM: ONE FLEW OVER THE CUCKOO'S NEST

Your dream is about to come true. Soon that bulkiness you have tried not to complain about will be gone. In its place will be a separate entity, a new life, precious and totally and utterly dependent upon you.

Oooops! What have you gotten yourself into? That is a normal question at this point in every woman's pregnancy, even more so if the mother is extra-challenged.

You can start setting your mind at ease by thoughtfully furnishing and arranging the room that will be the nursery. This is the time to be honest with yourself about your own capabilities and limitations. If you use crutches, how stable are you when lifting and moving objects? Would you be more steady in a wheelchair? If you have used a wheelchair only for tough situations (probably your last trimester has been one of them), you may want to practice in one, in case you decide to use it while caring for the baby. If you use a wheelchair mainly or totally, how close can you get to beds and cabinets? How high or low should objects be in order for you to reach them comfortably? And so on. The self-evaluation is difficult, because we normally just do rather than thinking first about how we do. Nonetheless, it is critical.

Now you are ready to shop for a crib. Today that is not an easy project. Cribs are available in a multitude of woods, metals, colors, and shapes. Some can convert to a separate youth bed and chest, a double bed, a loveseat, a twin bed, or a bunk bed. If the crib is to serve only one infant, these convertibles are worth considering, from both the monetary and useful standpoints. Moreover, some of them, especially the future youth bed with its currently-attached chest, are heavier than their less flexible cousins, making it more stable for you to lean against. Whichever type you choose, it should be one that will hold up well under your frequent leaning against the rail or other balancing acts you might perform.

Determine how high little Patty should be for you to reach so you can lift her into or out of the crib. Most cribs adjust as high as three feet and as low as two feet from the floor, including five inches for the mattress. Building it up any higher from inside is not advisable, because your daughter will soon learn to stand and could climb up and topple out. On the other hand, the crib could be put up on blocks if extra height were needed. No, those wheels may not lock. But they are removable. Another, temporary measure, good for the first three months, is to use a hammock that is made to suspend your newborn a little above the mattress in the crib.

The ease with which the railings can be opened is another consideration. The most common device seems to be a thin metal bar you must step on while lifting the rail. If you are in a wheelchair, you can probably reach it with one hand and lift with the other. It is much more difficult on crutches, as the bar is tucked behind and below the rail, making finding it a losing game of "Button, Button." A piece can be added to this, though, if you know someone who is handy with metals, so that it sticks out in clearer view and in reach by a crutch or cane.

The other common railing latch is a set of locks, one near the top of each side of the gate, which must be pulled out simultaneously. These are awkward to reach from a sitting position but more accessible to a standing person who can lean against the railing. Be prepared for frustration until you master the fine art of releasing the second latch before the first one can snap its nasty self back into place.

If you have chosen the crib/youth bed, you have will not need to look for a chest of drawers. For a while, at least, along with the closet, there is ample storage in the three or four drawers attached to the side and the one or two under the bed. Otherwise, you will need something for little Kyle's diapers, clothes, and other paraphernalia. Use whatever is handiest for you. He will not know the difference and will redecorate it with crayons in a few years, anyway. As far as handles or locks, there is no best one, because he will learn that pushing the door, for instance, causes it to bounce open, revealing all sorts of colorful, neatly-folded, clean "toys."

I already had a small desk/chest with a top that folded down to form a writing surface. It worked well, as I could pull things from any of the three drawers below and put them on the writing surface until I was through with them. Originally I decided to use it because it was something I was used to, so it was a comfortable old friend. Probably you have such an item around the house, too.

If you do need a little extra space right now, do not overlook some simple, temporary solutions. For example, hang a shoe bag where you can reach into the pockets for diaper items or other small objects. You can use it later as a shoe bag. Or, buy a set of vinyl shelves that are designed to hang in a closet. There is no reason that the closet door cannot stay partially open for easy access to the shelves. For things you will not be needing to get to unless someone is around to help, store them in boxes under the crib. If you intend to use what is in the boxes often, attach ropes to them so you have a handle to drag them out with. Tack a dust ruffle around the bottom edge of the crib to hide the boxes, if you want.

For many people, changing tables are very useful, too. They do not have wheels, so they stay in place. Usually the changing surface is approximately thirty-three inches from the floor. The guard rail, if there is one, is another five inches high, and it does not fold down. The tables that provide for storage have either bins under them or pockets on each side. Some, by the way, even convert to a chest of drawers.

In the store, go through diaper-changing motions, leaving one hand on top of the imaginary baby, and reaching with the other into a bin or pocket to get the baby wipes you will forget from time to time. This will give you an idea of what features you need in a changing table.

The main problem is that a baby outgrows a changing table rather quickly. Because of that, you might want to consider an alternative. I used a two-foot by four-foot office table, partially cushioned by a piece of foam rubber wrapped in a pillow case. It adjusted to the height I needed. Later, it became my typing table. Other parents have used dresser tops and very sturdy card tables. Another possibility is a porta-crib, which can even be used for its original purpose when you go visiting. No matter what you use, keep in mind that one of the most common causes of infant head injuries is falling from raised surfaces, such as beds and tables. So be sure that the table has a safety strap that can go across Jonathan's chest. Without one, he can wiggle off quicker than you can curse the powder manufacturers for putting their product in such a slippery container.

When picking out nursery furnishings, keep in mind three criteria: safety, comfort, and practicality. Older, borrowed items may not meet current safety standards and may be weak because of use. Obviously, any condition that invites accidents should be avoided. More important, extra challenged parents should avoid situations that make them feel insecure with the baby, even if it is only added strain on their balance. As for comfort, take into account both yours and the baby's. Include everything from how easily you can unlatch the crib railings to what Karen's warm, moist bottom makes contact with while being changed. Practicality, the third criterion, relates to money matters, quality, use, and convenience. The main question here is, Do the overall advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

Take time to be practical. Decide early what you want. Then, when gift-givers ask, be honest about the specific features you think best for you. In this way, you have a better chance of receiving useful gifts, and the givers have the satisfaction of knowing that their gifts will be used and appreciated. Further, ask friends if you can borrow items for a week or so of testing. Using a sack of potatoes, practice lifting the "infant" into and out of the crib. The shifting potatoes will simulate the lax body of the baby. (Do not forget to support the "head.") Try this with as many different cribs as you can. You will soon know what you need from a crib. And do not overlook National Baby Month, April, when the best sales of the year occur. In fact, if you ask, some stores are quite willing to give you price information in advance of the sale.

Assume for the moment that the furnishings, so carefully chosen, are to arrive tomorrow. Picture the nursery. What does it look like?

You cannot possibly know yet, because there is one more step to take before the room is complete—arranging. It is a larger task than you probably imagine, for everything must meet the same three criteria that led to your furniture selection.

Again, experimentation and serious introspection about your capabilities will lead you in the right direction. Think for a moment about which is your more balanced side. That will determine whether the chest of drawers goes to the right or left of the crib. How much space do you need to turn your wheelchair? That tells how far to space the crib and changing table from each other. Is there a clear space to set aside your walker while you diaper? Once more, experiment with that floppy sack of potatoes until you have the room set up in a safe, practical way.

Then fill the storage spaces with the same careful thought. With luck, you will change your mind and rearrange drawers only ten times that first year. For now, put the extra bedding and off-season clothing into drawers that are least accessible and use the drawers that are easiest to reach for storing items you will likely use most often. If the changing table has no storage of its own, devise some, because the necessity of gathering things for each diaper change insures your forgetting something essential more times than your patience with yourself can stand. Some of the measures you can take to create storage are these:

  * Install a small shelf over the table for powder, wipes, and such.

  * Store these in a shoe box or basket on one end of the table, if there is room.

  * Use a colorful wall hanging that has pockets.

  * Hang small baskets on cup hooks under the table.

A final touch to the room is an air freshener. Wait. Do not run to the store just yet. Why use a chemical when Nature has provided something better?

That "something better" is a spider plant or two. NASA-sponsored research discovered the plant's capabilities while looking for a way to purify the air inside a space lab. They found out that the spider plant can, within twenty-four hours, absorb most indoor pollutants, although it takes about fifteen healthy plants for a well-insulated three-bedroom house. Be sure to keep the plant root-bound so it will produce many leafy spiders, which feed on the air and purify it.

Now, finally, you are ready. Sit back and enjoy the bunnies dancing on the wallpaper. Listen to the tinkle of the music box on the crib mobile. Feel the cool breeze waft past the frilly curtains into your face. And relax. Mmmmm....

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3-BABY'S HOUSE:ANIMAL FARM

Wake up! You are not quite ready.

After you have settled the nursery, you might think you have plenty of time to worry about baby equipment for the rest of the house. Not so. The more prepared you are now, the fewer Excedrin headaches you will suffer through this first year.

One of the household items Ramona will need almost at once is a stroller or carriage. Although this is usually thought of as a going-out item, and will be discussed in that context in the next chapter, you will find it a godsend around the house. First, it is a handy mobile changing-station. Secondly, for many months it is a comfortable place for her to nap when you two cool yourselves on a shady porch. Most important, it serves as convenient, safe transportation.

Because I was not able to carry a baby in my arms and walk at the same time, I would have had to depend on someone else to move him from room to room. Instead, I could balance myself and lift him from his crib into the carriage, or from it to his changing table when I did not want his carriage to end up smelling like a barnyard. I could push the Mama-Mobile, not quickly but effectively, using it and Brian's weight in it to help me balance, since I could not hold onto my crutches in my normal fashion. This may seem dangerous, but you know how you adjust your balance in such situations so that you do not fall flat on your dignity!

As you may have guessed, the type of carriage is of utmost importance. I have been using the term "carriage" to distinguish it from a "stroller," which tends to be more lightweight and may not let the baby lie flat, a feature that allows for maximum utility. The old-style carriage is more roomy, too. In addition, its sturdier construction is good because it will be put to heavier, more constant use than is usually the case.

If this is the only stroller or carriage you intend to have, however, plan on taking it out with you and the baby only when someone is with you to help, because it does not lift into a car easily enough for most of us. If you do have enough mobility and strength to fold and lift a carriage, shop carefully. Choose the lightest one that has all the necessary features, but one that will stand up under the added crunching you will put it through when pulling it into or out of a car.

What are those necessary features? One is a full handle. Umbrella handles are fine if a person can push with both hands; but most of us use only one, needing the other to guide a wheelchair or make sure a perverse cane helps us walk rather than stepping on our toes. Besides, the full handle allows for pressure to be applied where we need it, thus letting the driver steer more easily.

Then take a look at the front wheels. All major brands have front wheels that swivel. If by chance you find one that has stationary front wheels, reject it, because it will be too hard to move on some surfaces. You will also want double wheels in front. They give more range of movement, more control. Be sure those wheels can lock in place, though, because there are some surfaces--deep pile carpets, for one--that make the two sets of wheels seem to swivel in four directions. Once you have used the carriage awhile, your house will determine for you which will be the normal operating position. You will use the other position sometimes, too, and will be thankful you have it when the time comes.

A further, very important part to look for in your child's chariot is the braking system. Be very sure that you can reach the brakes easily. Most are located right at the back of each rear wheel. You need to be able to reach them with a foot, hand, or device you always have with you (such as a stick or reacher). The brakes should be solid enough to provide maximum safety, but not so tight that you cannot operate them easily.

It may seem that you will not need the brakes much around the house. On the other hand, does the house have any ramps or other inclines? An entry hall where there is a step down? A porch with steps? A patio which is just a couple of inches above the lawn? In all of these instances brakes are called for, just in case.

Some options you might want are less vital than those already mentioned. A reversible hood is one. In the yard or at a park sometimes the sun will have shifted so that Diana is spending more time squinting than napping. At home you might want to open a drape or turn on a lamp, but the light would disturb your little princess. Your choices are to 1) take your chances with the light, 2) try to move her or her carriage without waking her, or 3) if you have a reversible hood, change its position. Warning: Practice before you need to carry out this delicate procedure. Unless you know exactly how to do it, you will startle the baby with jerking movements and foul language bursting past your lips.

The other nice option is the boot, that canvas piece that can be snapped onto the part of the carriage where the baby's legs slip through. This cuts down drafts and lengthens the box of the carriage, meaning that your future basketball star will be able to lie down in it for more months and that you will not lose some of the utility of the carriage once she grows past twenty-five inches.

Before you buy your carriage, do not be afraid to test it. If it shows any signs of weakening with the little bit of testing you do in the store, you do not want it, since it will not withstand a month with your baby. Put some weight into it (purse, items in the store) and try to push it straight. Then turn it to each side, both with the front wheels in the stationary position and with them free to swivel. Try tipping it to be sure the wheel base is wide enough to balance a baby who has just discovered how to stand up. See what it is like with the boot. If you intend to take it in a car with you, try folding and lifting it. See how it unfolds. Some models take Arnold Schwarzenegger in his prime to unfold and lock them into place. Before you buy, be absolutely certain the carriage fits you as well as your baby.

You might be tempted to purchase a convertible, one that can be used as a carriage, slumber seat, bassinette, and whatnot. Think twice. You do not want to spend that much time each day rebuilding the particular item you need at any given moment, even if you are physically able to do so. Your husband could do all that, if he is around. But he will be off at work most of the day. And when he gets home, he deserves to enjoy the pleasures of fatherhood—that glint in his son's eye as he sees him and laughs to be picked up, and that warm rush from both an over-spilling heart and saturated diaper.

Another important item for the baby is a swing. No, it is not as frivolous as it sounds. When Bunny becomes Mule because of overtiredness, there is no way she will settle down in her crib for a nap. Most mothers end up walking and rocking her until she is relaxed enough to drop off to sleep. Then they gently carry her into her crib and nestle her into her covers. But that may not work for us, especially since we cannot walk her. If we rock her, our only hope for her continued slumber is to stay where we are until she wakes up, and pray that our nose does not start to itch. An automatic swing is the perfect answer. She is rocked to sleep and can have her nap where she is.

Swings come in two basic kinds, chair only or the model that has both chair and cradle attachments. Brian did fine in the first kind. If I had the other model I would have switched it several times a day, because he loved to sit and be able to look around while he smeared a teething biscuit all over his face. During his first year he spent many happy hours in his swing, sleeping or playing with his toys and babbling at an invisible friend that seemed to hover over his right shoulder.

Some words of caution about swings are in order. Always use the seat belt, for one thing. It is amazing what gymnastic positions infants can get into. Also, do not leave the baby unattended. Always be within interception range of warning signals, like elfish grunts and roguish thumps.

Further, for your own sanity, avoid the models that have music boxes that are powered by the swinging mechanism. Even the most relaxing of Beethoven's music sounds like acid rock after the hundredth consecutive playing. True, some swings play several tunes; but they are all in the same music-box twang. The wind-up music box gives you a taste of blessed silence from time to time. Lastly, if the swing is not powered by battery, time the winds. Brian's wound up seventeen times and lasted fifteen minutes before it began to slow down. That knowledge gave me time to rewind the swing before those innocent eyes looked at me accusingly with, "How could you let me stop!" And I always knew if I had time to make it to the bathroom and back.

After a few short months, little Mark will be ready for a highchair. Even if he eats before the rest of the family, he will enjoy being with you while you dine. When he starts teething, mealtime is a good time for a cracker. The chair gives him a chance to sit and look around, as well.

The features an extra- challenged mother should look for in a highchair are essentially the same as for any other practical person, but the practicality is more necessary for us. The chair should have a deep tray that can hold a full cup of rice cereal, a side order of Cheerios, and the glass of orange juice you were going to drink yourself. It should have a solid latch, too, that does not give when Mario leans on the tray. Moreover, the fabric on the chair should be vinyl or some other easily cleaned surface. Sad to say, one of the worst highchairs is that beautiful antique maple one you wish someone would give you. Its wood needs extra care and shows the scars resulting from spoons being drummed against it. In other words, trouble-free cleanup is basic. So is ease of handling, meaning a tray that has a button in front so it can be slid in and out with one hand, and restraining straps that form a single seat belt/crotch strap unit that can be fastened effortlessly. Although chances are great that you personally will not be packing up the chair, whether it folds or not is unimportant, as both types are equally safe.

You may have noticed that I have not mentioned playpens. That is because they are good only as a temporary holding cell when you need ten or fifteen minutes, or as a place for a nap, although the swing, crib, and carriage can take care of that. Otherwise, they are too confining, and playing warden may not be your cup of Kool-Aid. Besides, they require your being able to lean in and down to place and retrieve little Tara.

Instead, turn a family room, den, living room, bedroom, or any room short of the bathroom, into a large play yard. One with carpeting is best. While adding warmth to his little body, the carpet softens the blows to his behind and head when Danny turns over or practices standing.

It is crucial that you baby-proof the room. Put safety plugs into the electrical outlets. Hide those inviting black snakes (electric cords) under and behind furniture. If there is a space between a couch and a wall, put an old bed pillow at each end to keep young Columbus out. Move breakables out of reach, planning to move them higher next week, higher still the following week. Remove any tables that have sharp corners or dangerous edges that might catch a head when the baby is doing push-ups. If you leave that furniture in the room, soften the edges with cardboard or those socks you have been looking for an excuse to discard. If you have plants that stand in large pots on the floor, you will have to move them out or obstruct access to them. Contrary to what Brian would have had me believe, there is more healthy roughage for a baby's diet than potting soil. And some plants are poisonous.

To be more certain the room is safe, read chapter four, "A Safe- Sane Home." It gives additional instructions on baby-proofing your home.

Then figure out how you will block the doorway if the room does not have a door that closes securely. Baby gates are fantastic. (Avoid the ones with V- or diamond-shaped openings, which are unsafe.) They come in sizes to fit almost any doorway. They are available at hardware, variety, department, and toy stores. Moreover, the coated wire mesh lasts through teething and a dog that suddenly discovers he is being stalked by a Snickering Ear-Grabber.

Now, just put little Carmen on the floor among her toys and let her play.

The benefits to you and to her intermingle. One relates to infant curiosity, which is the basis for all future learning. It is so important because we humans do not have as many instincts as other animals, yet our maturation process takes longer. Therefore, babies need a great deal of stimulation and variety to foster curiosity. However, you may not have the physical capabilities to keep up with the necessary frequent change in stimulation. With a large play area, your daughter has what seems to her acres to explore, so you need to provide a change of setting less often.

Keep in mind the many other shared benefits, too. For instance, she creeps around the stuffed animals on the floor, so you do not need to pick them up when she drops them. She has chair-mountains to climb and couch-freeways to sidle along, giving her the exercise that less challenged parents provide by walking their babies and tossing them around playfully. She is safe in a large but confined area, freeing you to go briefly into another room. Best of all, unlike in a playpen, there is room on the floor for both of you to frolic together—a joy that many parents miss out on because they have never learned to appreciate floor-freedom. Finally, if the two of you get hungry, there might be a little potting soil for lunch.

Although the right play room, highchair, swing, and carriage are essential to Baby's house, you will find other equipment that would be nice to have that first year or so. If possible, long before even the baby showers are planned, browse around the stores. Indulge yourself. After all, you are not buying yet. Besides, what is inside your belly right now was also once merely a dream.

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4-A SAFE-SANE HOME: GREAT EXPECTATIONS

Then that dream became a wondrous pair of lungs. And you suddenly realized that you had everything ready except the environment itself. "We can put that off," you told yourself for nine months. "After all, the house doesn't need to be baby-proofed until Darling Deirdre starts to crawl."

Think again, especially since the meaning of her name, Deirdre, could very well fit any unprotected infant, "wanders about but will experience sorrow and grief." The "wandering" will be by crawling and walking later; soon it will be by reaching out to grab and pull; right now it is by kicking and squirming.

You have a double chore, actually. You must make your home safe for your daughter, yet still livable for yourself. Able-bodied parents can put dangerous objects up on high shelves, using a stepladder when they need them. Or, after using the toaster, they can hide it away in a cabinet. On the other hand, you have to combine safety with practicality.

Cheer up. We ECs (Extra-Challenged people) are more able to foresee possible dangers. Those of us in wheelchairs have seen the world from a different level, and those on crutches or who have any difficulty walking are always looking carefully at our surroundings. In other words, we have spent many of our waking hours looking for hazards and avoiding them.

Most of us are expert scootchers, too. Unlike others, we do not have to think about the process of crawling or scooting along on our behinds; we just do it. This makes us particularly suited for the first step that experts agree must be taken in baby-proofing, which is to get down on the floor and move around like a baby, in search of dangers that the baby will find even when he is not looking for trouble.

Your best bet is to do this as a team. You do the investigating, calling out a danger for your spouse to jot down. If one of you thinks of a way to neutralize the danger, write a quick note. Otherwise, concentrate for the time being on finding the problems.

Move all around every room, looking into corners, probing anything you can get your hands on. Crawl under and behind furniture, or at least make note that there are such accessible spaces. Reach up to grab any curtains, cords, plants, or whatever else is within your grasp. True, Colby will not be able to reach some of those spots for awhile. But why not "head him off at the pass"? As he grows, his hunger for adventure will cause him to seek new frontiers, which you, in turn, will have to guard.

Once you have finished, wait a few days and repeat the process. Only, this time let your spouse do the searching. He may be less qualified than you to do a thorough job, but, after living with you, he is much better trained than the usual husband. As a matter of fact, he might notice that slippery rug you walk around without thinking. His perspective, then, is valuable.

Do not be dismayed by the long list that has evolved. Nor should you fail to add to that list whenever you see something else amiss. Tackle the problems bit by bit, crossing off items as you finish with them. When you have crossed off the last one, have a list-burning party. Not only will you have earned it, but also you will need a bit of relaxation.

You should have little trouble finding ways to fix the problems you have discovered. After all, you are used to thinking in problem-solution mode. If you doubt that you have such an analytical mind, think about how many times a day you unconsciously ask and answer such questions as, "How can I get myself down that step without falling?"

To get you started, the rest of this chapter offers suggestions for making fifteen danger areas less dangerous. The remedies are organized in this fashion for two reasons: 1) You have already examined your home and know what the hazards are; and 2) maybe thinking in terms of burns, choking, slipping, and the like will bring to mind one more thing you overlooked.

Bookshelves

The average bookshelf will need to be rearranged when little Linda arrives. Move all framed pictures to a higher location. The corners can gouge her if she pulls them down, or the glass can break. Do likewise with the photo albums so she does not chew the pictures, possibly making her sick. If you leave them on a high part of the bookshelf, secure them so that no pictures fall. Be sure to move all knickknacks, too, even harmless stuffed animals, because she will try to climb up to reach them.

Reorganize the books. Very heavy ones, such as encyclopedias, go on the bottom shelf, near the floor. Push them tightly together. Stack lighter books flat, on their covers. Pile them with bindings alternating facing out and in so they fit closer together, and jam them as tightly as you can against the two shelves. Try to pull out a book with two fingers. If the stack hardly moves, the books are tight enough to be safe.

Bumps

Books, photo albums, and knickknacks are only the beginning of the list of producers of bumps and bruises on little bodies. Furniture is as big a villain. Pad sharp edges of tables with cardboard or some other type of blunting material. Remove tables that have sharp edges or under-hangings that cannot be blunted. Toward the end of the first year, when Timmy practices his version of walking, you might want to store the coffee table for awhile.

Many bumps can be avoided if you observe your son's crawling patterns. For instance, Brian crawled backward, on his back, into our raised hearth; so we padded the bricks his head kept hitting. Later, because there were certain chairs he often crawled into, we rearranged furniture to accommodate the inevitable.

Burns

Check your heating system first. Cover reachable radiators or heating pipes. There are materials and covers for this purpose at hardware stores. Use plastic deflectors on hot air registers that are located in the floor. Turned toward the wall, they present an obstruction that will keep out fingers and discourage a child's attempts at pressing his face against the hot vent. A floor furnace presents the biggest problem. It cannot be covered or deflected. If you ever had plans for converting to a more modern system, now would be a good time.

Another source of burns is from winter fires. Keep a screen across the fireplace. Better still, if what you have right now is a movable screen, install a permanent one that fits into the frame of the firebox. Either will keep Baby from crawling too close to the fire, but the permanent kind cannot be pulled over onto small heads. A wood stove is harder. You will have to build some kind of barrier to keep your son away from it. Most importantly, never leave your child alone in a room with a lit fire or hot wood stove.

Bad burns, in addition to electrical shocks, can come from unprotected electrical outlets. Almost any store that carries small household gadgets will have at least one brand of plastic shields that plug into outlets to keep children from sticking in such things as pins, paperclips, or nails. (You may not see those items hiding in a corner or carpet, but your crawly creature will find them if they are there.) Their drawback is that, when you need to use the outlet, the shield must be set somewhere, out of the child's reach, and then found and put back in. One solution is the protector with a dial that stays on the socket and lets you turn it when you want to use the outlet.

Now, how about that rechargeable razor in the bathroom? It is put away, but is its recharger still plugged into the wall, with its cord hanging down? And is that cord long enough to reach to the toilet, either in itself or with the aid of a child holding it while reaching in to play in the water? If not, it still is not safe, since sucking on an electric cord can seriously burn the child, possibly even electrocute him.

Choking

The first rule in avoiding potential choking is never to think that the child will not see an object, let alone put it into his mouth. Very soon in life children seem to acquire x-ray vision that enables them to see through the fibers of the carpet to a microscopic Cheerio crumb that repeated vacuuming missed. Usually, what they see, they pick up and experience with the keenest sense they have, taste.

Put away all small objects. Buttons, hairpins, beads, pins, needles, and paperclips can be stored in empty pill bottles that have child-proof caps. For extra safety, wash them out thoroughly and remove the labels. In the kitchen, do not overlook pieces of dry pet food, bottle caps, and stray chunks of raw vegetables that have rolled between the stove and refrigerator. If Kama will be crawling in the kitchen at all, the floor will have to be cleaner than it ever has been before, because she will be able to see every potential morsel. Elsewhere in the house, hide away any small toys that will fit into her mouth. Let her play with them only when you are watching very closely. Better still, keep them away from her until she is older.

Some objects that seem harmless can be dangerous in the hands--and mouth--of an infant. A pretty balloon is a good example. If it pops, part or all of it can easily be inhaled, leading to choking. A pen with the cartridge removed is safer but still dangerous, not only because it can be poked into an eye, but also because it comes apart. Take one apart and you will see how many loose pieces there actually are. Articles fastened with cellophane or adhesive tape may be too large to be put into a small mouth, but pieces of the tape, once torn off by talented fingers, are tasty, dangerous tidbits. A page torn from a book or any other piece of paper looks like an interesting snack. A leaf that has fallen from the hanging Wandering Jew, the grape stem that has not found its way to the trash, the piece of chewing gum discarded in an ash tray.... No, you do not need to clean house every hour. Just be very aware.

Cuts

Obviously, you will store or move any breakables, lock up the razors in the bathroom and the knives in the kitchen.

That is a good start. Now, where do you keep all your pairs of scissors? Your sharp sewing notions, such as pins and seam-rippers? Small garden tools, saws, saw blades? Lawn mower and edger? Is everything locked up, in both the house and garage? You may not expect tiny Eli to be in the garage his first year. But he can crawl down the step into your attached garage. Or, one day the weather will be just too beautiful to leave him in the house while you do some weeding, and much can happen in the time it takes you to curse at the patch of crabgrass you thought you annihilated last week.

Your next project is to check for sharp edges in your home. Try to remember that nicked toe you did not think much about at the time. Where did you get it? Oh, yes. There is a sharp piece of metal on the loose plate at the bottom of the dishwasher. Fix it. Examine screen doors. Dawn will love to look out at her glorious new world, pushing against the screen as she enjoys the view. If the door is old, chances are great that constant use will have created a cutting edge somewhere near the bottom. That edge gave Brian his first three stitches when he was about ten months old.

Other areas to look include window screens; draft plates attached to the bottoms of doors; chipped mirrors, windows, and glass on picture frames, cabinets, and tables; any part of metal furniture, such as chrome dinette sets; metal patio furniture; sharp places on your wheelchair, crutches, walker, or braces. Use your imagination to discover sharp surfaces. Then cover, file, paint, or otherwise blunt them. A nice plus, in addition to your whole family's safety, is the completion of repairs that should have been done long ago.

Doors and Windows

Only too soon that cuddly bundle will no longer be happy just to nestle in your loving arms. He will turn into a crawling, climbing machine. When that happens, doors and windows present potential hazards. Eric will try to fall out or through windows when he is not busy plying his new skills at pushing doors open.

Be sure that all window screens fit securely. If they can be moved at all, they will become a toy, then a challenge. Eventually, your son will have loosened them to the point that they will give way when he leans or pushes against them. Tighten them now by inserting metal strips or Ts on the outside edges, between the screens and window frames. These can be pried loose for cleaning purposes, rather than the more burdensome method of using bolts or screws.

You will want to have control over how far patio doors and windows can be opened, especially on upper floors, where a fall from an open window can be deadly. Do not bother with sticks inserted in tracks. They are hard for you to reach and easy for a young child to remove, especially after he has watched you a few times. Instead, install burglar guards, available at hardware, variety, and even drug stores.

Before installing such guards, however, look at all the ones available to you. The chain lock, which everyone is familiar with, is only one possibility. For instance, one manufacturer offers four options to accomplish essentially the same task. Their least expensive model is a window-locking pin that has a chain attached to it so it is not misplaced when not in use, and spring-loaded tension so the pin is not easily lifted out of its lock. For a little more, they have a positive locking system whose two solid pieces can be attached to the lower frame of the sliding window. Then they have, for an additional small sum, a lock that is controlled by the foot if attached to the bottom of a patio door but which can also be attached to the header or side. Their most expensive model, still inexpensive, is a positive action security lock that can be mounted on the sill, the edge of the fixed door, in the header, or on the edge of the movable door. All of these devices are affordable and can be used on doors and windows, yet they take more coordination to operate than your child will have for a couple of years. Choose the one that works best for you.

Because you will come to lock each door automatically, make it easy on yourself. Tighten the hinges on the front door so the tongue of the deadbolt is back in alignment with its groove. Put graphite in the locks that are hard to turn. Put a chain lock within your reach on that back screen door whose lock never has worked well. (No, even if Baby could lift your crutch, he will not be able to use your trick of unlocking the chain with it at least until next year.) In fact, if you position the chain just right, you can reach it through the slightly open door to attach it from the outside when you want to keep your day-crawler outside with you.

There are many doors on the inside of the house, too, that you will not want Elizabeth to open. Bathroom and bedroom doors can just be closed to keep her out, since she cannot reach, let alone turn, the doorknob. However, some doors may not close all the way, and some you may want to leave slightly ajar. In these cases, spend a few dollars on a door-stop security alarm, a battery-operated door-stop that attaches to a door and has an alarm that goes off when the door is pushed open.

You might as well be aware of one of the inconveniences of always locking doors behind you. My husband was so much in the habit of doing so that he would leave our little backyard picnic to go into the house to answer the phone, then get to talking. That was fine, until I needed to go inside--and found I was locked out.

Drawers and Cabinets

Despite your good intentions of keeping doors closed, you, Dear Human, will fail from time to time. That leaves drawers vulnerable. Then there are those drawers in the tables in the living room, where you want your little one to be. Unfortunately, he has discovered how easy it is to open those magic places filled with wonderful things waiting for him to play with.

One solution is to empty all drawers. In most homes, where every millimeter of storage is sacred, that is not possible.

Another solution is to use plastic guards similar to those used to child-proof cabinets. They are made especially for drawers. Some drawers, though, are built in such a way that those guards will not work. And some work only if you have very good finger coordination, which many of us do not. Ask friends what brand they have, and test those in use in their homes. Then you will know what kinds you can handle.

As an alternative, try one of these:

  * Turn tables, therefore drawers, toward the wall. Be sure only objects you seldom need are stored here.

  * Remove the handles on the drawers. You should be able to open them by pulling on both sides, but your son can not.

  * Jam a piece of cardboard between the drawer and the table. Thickness varies with the table's construction. However, a matchbook works well in many drawers. Leave the matches in, with their heads removed for safety. The drawer will take slightly more strength to open than your infant has.

All cabinets containing any harmful substances must be locked. Never gamble that your child will not be able to pull open that tight door. Maybe he cannot now, but it is only a matter of time.

Those plastic locking devices already mentioned are made for cabinets, too. There are several types, so, again, find the one that is easiest for you. Otherwise, while you are working in the kitchen, you will be tempted to leave open the under-sink cabinet, containing the bag filled with sharp can lids and other garbage.

Some cabinets contain not so much danger for Adam but frustration for you. Those are the ones with the pillow cases that keep being pulled out and the Tupperware bowls that become his hats and bounce-toys. If the safety locks are hard for you to handle, use your devious imagination instead. For instance, the matchbooks or pieces of thick cardboard will work. Or, on the cabinets whose double doors face one another, wrap a thick rubber band around the two knobs. Your son will not be able to open the cabinet more than an inch.

Drowning

One of the most common sites of children's drowning or near-drowning is in the bathtub. Never leave him alone in the tub, even to go grab a towel out of the linen closet. That is especially true for us ECs, because we move more slowly than able-bodied people. Even if that were not true, it takes only an instant for a child to slip under water. Do not depend on a bath aid, such as a safety ring, or on a small amount of water, because no amount is small enough to be safe. Equally important, do not divide your attention between him behind you and the pair of pants you are rinsing out in the sink. Little One is too important.

Also in the bathroom is another dangerous pool of water, in the toilet. Once the child can stand he will want to play in that pool. Many children, doing just that, have lost their balance and toppled, unobserved, into the bowl and drowned. Keeping him out of the bathroom when no one is with him is the main way to avoid such a tragedy. Even so, he will get in, through a door that has not been closed completely by a visitor. As a preventative, keep those toilet lids down. Eventually he will be able to lift them, though, so still be on guard.

We started early to teach Brian that the lid stays down. We let him watch while we lowered it and said, "Let's put it down." Near the end of his first year he had learned his lesson so well that he was pushing it down faster than I could sit down, leading to some interesting, if uncomfortable, situations.

If you have a swimming pool or spa, safeguard it, as well. Cover the spa with a solid, insulated cover rather than just a plastic cover. The swimming pool should also have a safety cover. One that uses cords to tie it tightly onto the decking is strong enough to hold an average adult's weight. Ask a dealer about its strength. Although you may not be able to remove the covers, neither will Baby, and he will not crawl or stumble into trouble. It is worth waiting for your swim until someone is there to help you with the cover.

Falling Objects

Chicken Little was not totally wrong: the sky is falling, at least potentially. From tiny Barbara's point of view as she crawls along the floor, everything higher than two feet off the floor is the sky. Moreover, that sky is loaded with meteorites that she would just love to pluck from the firmament.

It is your job to stop her.

First, put away any appliances or equipment that you do not use often. If you use the waffle iron once a month and the vaporizer twice a year, do not have them sitting out. If you have heard, "I'm going to use those weights as soon as I figure out an exercise program," do not bother dusting them for the hundredth time; just put them out in the garage. That is a good spot, too, for the extra cane or crutch you keep in the house in case one breaks. No room in the garage? A garage sale would help pay for the repairs needed to make your home safer for your daughter.

Electric cords are very inviting to your fledgling Perry, Lewis, or Clark. So, for appliances that must be kept out most of the time, do something about those cords. Of course, it is better not to keep them plugged in (unplugging saves quite a bit of wasted energy being drawn even when not in use), but, because of your inability to reach some sockets, this may not be feasible. Instead, use a cup hook to keep the toaster's cord from hanging over the edge of the kitchen counter. Or tie up the extra length with a rubber band or tie-wrap. On some appliances you will be able to wrap the extra cord around them or tuck it under them, although it never seems to stay there. As far as cords to lamps and televisions, hide them under carpeting or tack them to baseboards. If that is not possible, hide them behind and under furniture. The idea is to make cords as inconspicuous as possible so that only half of them will be discovered and pulled on.

Watch for other objects that Andrea will reach up for, too. For instance, keep bows on lampshades tied. Actually, since they seem to untie themselves, you are better off stitching them in the bow-position. Remove macramé that is hanging a few feet from the floor or from a couch or chair. Stop using tablecloths. They have so many nice corners to grab hold of and, once yanked, pull down centerpieces and other producers of bruises. Besides, they need to be washed, and you have enough to do already when colorful placemats would do the trick. Check mirrors and pictures that are within reach from the floor. Are they fixed firmly to the walls?

Think about the telephone. Would a wall unit, with its single rather than double cord, work just as well for you as a hand unit? If so, get one. If not, buy a long, curly cord (the kind that normally goes on the receiver of non-carry-arounds) and use it instead of the straight cord that goes from the wall to the body of the telephone. You will have just as much cord, but it will bunch up, leaving less for the baby to grab.

Falls

More infants are injured by falling from a raised surface than by any other accident in the home. When you are with Laura, you can help her avoid tumbles by holding onto her when she is on the changing table and putting pillows and yourself between her and the edge of the bed. However, as your daughter grows, so do her chances of falling. Consequently, be prepared.

Your preparation is to anticipate her stages of growth. That is, before she even starts to crawl, keep baby gates across stairways. Later, when she starts to stand, change the crib mattress to a lower setting. And always, always remember to close the side of the crib firmly when she is in it. As she learns to climb, fix or remove wobbly furniture that can be easily toppled. When she gets to the stage at which she likes to push around her highchair, get rid of the kitchen stepstool, for she will push it to the counter and try to climb up. By the way, keep the tray locked onto the highchair at all times; otherwise, the chair looks like another interesting place to climb.

Windows also present dangers for falling, as do doors leading to cellars or porches with steps. For advice on securing these areas, see the discussion on "Doors and Windows," above.

Poisoning

This is probably the most serious danger, yet the one that receives the least attention when people child-proof their homes because new parents are certain that little ones can't get at anything harmful. The subject is important enough to merit its own chapter. Therefore, please read chapter six very carefully.

Slipping

You already know a great deal about slipping, because you have worked constantly to avoid it. Just apply the same principles to the situation with little Nadia. Those colorful rubber mats you put in your tub and shower for yourself will help keep her bottom from sliding around as you wash her and will be even more important when she wants to practice her skills in standing. Further, she will benefit by your affixing double-faced carpet tape to the bottom of that scatter rug you used to slip on, or by putting rubber matting under it. In essence, you should go through the house and--in your mind only, please--try to slip. Then, fix the problems.

Dressing your daughter with slipping in mind will be an additional aid once she starts trying to walk. For one thing, pajamas with rubbery feet skid far less on a vinyl floor than do ones with cloth. If it is warm enough, let her go barefoot, because socks against those floors are equally slippery. There are tiny, cute slippers you can get for her, but they stay on her feet about as long as a popsicle stays on its stick in summer.

Strangulation

The average home is filled with potential for a little one's strangling himself as he reaches out to play with the inviting apples in his Garden-of-Eden world. A good example is the drawstring on the drapes. It hangs to the floor, within tantalizing reach. Move it by tying it up in a ball or looping it around a swag hook or small boat-mooring piece screwed into the walls. Whichever method you choose, make it one you can handle easily, making you more likely to use it every time you open or close your drapes.

Secure all drape and vertical blind drawstrings within reach of a climbing child, because that stage comes quicker than tax time. That includes those that are within reach from the couch and chairs. Most important, never allow a cord to hang over or near the crib or playpen. Although some toys are made to string across them, they are on short strands and are intended to be tied securely and used for only the first few months. These toys and crib gyms should not be used once a baby can push up on his hands and knees.

Do not tie a pacifier around your child's neck. The string is convenient for you but dangerous for him.

Whether you have an old-fashioned plug-in phone or a supposedly "cordless" phone, as mentioned above, telephone cords can be a danger. Do not forget that the charging unit for the cordless has to plug into the wall somewhere. Baby Richard will love wrapping a phone cord around himself, which he can do at a very early age simply by turning his body over and over. What he cannot do is get himself out of the entanglement or control what part of his body the cord wraps around. Therefore, it must be kept out of his reach. If the cord is longer than you need, replace it with a shorter one or loop it and secure it with a rubber band. Or move the charging base to an outlet where you can place a solid piece of furniture in front of the wall-plug.

You should also check your son's wardrobe. If his jacket has a hood with drawstrings, tie a large bead at each end. That way, he cannot pull out the strings when he learns how much fun it is to rummage through his drawers. Besides, the beads will prevent the strings from coming out during washing, strings that will probably stay lying around, within your son's reach.

Yet another danger of strangulation comes because we have a physical disability. Although many people are horrified by a mother's putting her child on a "leash," a harness is a necessary safety device for those of us who simply cannot chase a youngster. Because Brian, like most infants, was a champion crawler and, soon after, willful waddler, I sometimes used a small harness on him around the house. It gave me something to grab onto to pull him out of danger, and it distributed his weight so I didn't hurt him in the process. Since I usually did not use the lead, I put it away. What I quickly learned was not to leave any part of the harness out when he was not wearing it, for he liked to wear it around his neck as though it were fashion jewelry.

Suffocation

Remember that whatever Celeste is close enough to touch she will press against her face for a thorough examination. Later, when she learns to help put her shirt over her head, she will transfer this ability to anything else she can fit over her head.

Mindful of that, keep her away from plastic: vegetable, sandwich, bread, and garbage bags; the bag the newspaper comes in during wet weather; and the roll of plastic wrap.

Be careful what you have in her crib. Use light covers she can throw off instead of heavy blankets. Moreover, she does not need a pillow and will not use it if it is there. Both can suffocate an infant.

So can a crib loaded with stuffed animals. Sleeping babies will cuddle into a corner and trap their faces in the softness of the toy, cutting off their ability to breathe. For this first year, at least, it is safer to remove toys from your daughter's crib while she sleeps.

Tripping

Like slipping, you are an expert in this area, too. Naturally, you will have no worries about this until Abel begins walking. At least, not for him. But your creeping private eye will create new dangers for you, just at the time when you most need to keep yourself from falling.

One of the largest battle zones is in the kitchen. Decide what you are willing to endure being left out, meaning that you will need to put it back later. If pounding pot lids is music to your ears, for instance, put locks on all cabinets but the ones holding pots and pans. That gives your son a place to investigate and something to play with when he is in the kitchen, plus a specific noise for you to listen for while you cook. Your ears, then, do the supervision work without your needing to look around constantly, and the noise keeps you from tripping over the child himself.

Meanwhile, you know that the only obstructions you need to avoid tripping over are those pots, because everything else is inaccessible to the child. The main disadvantage to this, though, is that you will tire of the drum music and want to lock the pots away, as well. Then it is time to switch the lock to that cabinet from the one holding plastic bowls.

The other place that can be hazardous is the room where your son spends most of his time playing. It can contain all sorts of strewn toys. For suggestions on minimizing the problem, see chapter twelve, on clutter management.

Your baby will be taking his first tentative steps before you are willing to admit he is more than a newborn, so he, too, will need to be protected from tripping. True, he will fall every three steps, anyway; but why make life more difficult for him? Following the suggestions made in the previous two paragraphs will protect both of you. In addition, if your house is carpeted, you can help him by not putting shoes on him for awhile. Besides the fact that he would trip over shoe laces, which never stay tied (Velcro is a must!), the non-skid bottoms of children's shoes do not slide for someone whose whole foot never leaves the ground when he takes a step. Additionally, barefoot, he will learn to balance himself by digging his toes into the carpet.

Meantime, it is not too early to teach your youngster some good habits. Certainly at six months, if not sooner, you can begin training him to put his toys away. Granted, you will do most of the work; so sit on the floor and make a game of it. Put a toy in his hand and guide it to a box, saying, "Put it away," or "Put it back." A bit of praise completes the procedure. Eventually, he will get the idea and do it on command, at least part of the time. Brian got to the point that he would take something out of a drawer and show it to me just so I would tell him to put it back, and when he did he would smile and clap for himself. Obviously, as with every perfect system, the child finds a way to outwit the adult and use the system to his advantage.

Because providing a safe-sane home is an exhausting job, start as soon as you know you are pregnant. Spreading the tasks out makes them less like drudgery and, considering the reason for doing them, heightens the anticipation of the wonderful new life you will experience, in the physical form of a child as well as the emotional one of Family.

After you have finished, be proud of your handiwork. You added the knowledge you gained through your disability to what able-bodied people would do, creating a safe environment for your child. Do not be surprised if you are called on to help child-proof the homes of some of your friends.

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5-PREVENTING POISONING:THE MIRROR CRACKED

But while you are helping with your friends' homes, do not assume that your own is totally safe. Take a hint from these parents' comments:

"I only turned my back a second!"

"We didn't know it could hurt her!"

"How'd he ever get that top off that bottle?"

"I guess I shouldn't have put the paint thinner in the Coke bottle"

Emergency room personnel hear thousands of comments like these each year from parents who bring in their small children because of poisoning accidents. Yet most of those accidents could, and should, have been prevented.

Keep in mind these important facts:

  1. If a child swallows poison, statistics say that he will try it again within a year.

  2. The majority of poisoning accidents happen in the kitchen, bedroom, and bathroom.

Prevention begins with your knowing exactly what poisonous substances are around your home. Expand your definition of "poisonous," first of all. Yes, it does include bleach, aspirin, mouse poison, and weed killers. But it also includes items so common we do not think twice about leaving them out: shaving lotion, cologne, nail polish, vitamins, cosmetics, and aerosols.

The Environmental Protection Agency has identified more than two hundred substances that are hazardous. The Appendix of this book contains a fraction of them. (See "Common Poisonous Household Substances.") With that list in hand, tour your house, garage, basement, and yard. As you find something on the list, store or dispose of it properly. Do it at once so you don't forget.

Keep in mind that some substances are even more dangerous when combined with others. A case in point is mixing ammonia and chlorine bleach, as a person might do while cleaning floors or a swimming pool. This produces chlorine gas, which is highly toxic. Lye coming in contact with aluminum creates, among other things, very explosive hydrogen gas. Auto antifreeze, quite poisonous, is often left in puddles on garage floors, where a child might wander and be attracted by its sweet taste.

Storage, then, is very important. The labels of most household products will tell where they should be stored, which is usually in a dry, cool, well-ventilated place. The average house has little of such space, however; therefore, avoid stocking up on substances like paint, garden chemicals, and others that are hard to store. Otherwise, you will be tempted to leave some out, "for a few days, until I finish that bookcase"--the one you started a year ago.

An additional direction the labels seldom give but should is, "Lock up this product!" That is the only way to keep it out of the reach of children. Lock all garden and pool supplies in a storage shed or cabinet in the garage. Use a padlock, and snap that lock closed every time you are away from the area. If your medicine chest does not currently have a lock, install one. Then keep all medicines, both prescription and over-the-counter, locked away in that cabinet. Maybe you cannot add a lock to it. In that case, look elsewhere in the house for another cabinet that can be locked. There is no rule that mandates medicine's being kept in the bathroom.

In fact, many of us need to keep pain pills and anti-inflammatories in the bedroom so we can get to them at night. What is more, we may not be able to keep them in a bottle with a child-proof cap because we cannot open it. In that case, the medication should be kept in a night stand, secured with a lock we are able to manipulate but little hands cannot.

If you can work child-resistant caps, buy as many products as you can that have them. When the container is empty, throw it away but wash and save the cap for use on bottles that do not come with one. For example, the regular size of Walgreens Multiple Vitamins with Iron has a safety cap that fits on the hundred-count size of both Maalox No. 1 antacid tablets and Nature's Finest Garlic Oil 1500, as well as on some bottles of milk of magnesia. Moreover, the cap that fits the Parke-Davis ten-milligram, one-hundred tablet container of Diazepam (generic for Valium) works on the four-ounce bottle of Kanon After Shave. After experimenting with the brands you use, you will discover other such combinations.

Probably we who are on frequent medication are most guilty of an error that is all-too-common: avoiding dealing with difficult pill bottles by transferring the contents to another container. This is always a dangerous practice, but more so once little Zachary arrives on the scene. Instead, keep all poisonous substances in their original containers, making sure their labels are still intact and readable. If your child swallows something, that is no time to guess at what it was, and what is in small print on the label might give the doctor that extra edge that saves your child's life. Besides, what are you going to put the economy size toilet cleaner in, a syrup bottle? Even very young children associate shapes of containers with good-tasting yummies, like what Mommy and Daddy put on his little bites of pancake.

That association could cause tragedy in another way, as well. A glance at store shelves shows us how similar many medicine bottles are to ones holding poisonous liquids. That is reason enough to store medicines separately from other products. On a bad day, in your fatigue, you might grab the wrong bottle, and your child, after seeing Mommy take cough syrup, may drink from a look-alike cleaning fluid bottle.

Not that she should have seen you take that cough remedy. Children, no matter how young, should not see their parents take any medicine. Too soon they learn to imitate, wanting to do everything a parent does.

There will be times, of course, that you will need to give medicine to your baby, like the liquid vitamins your pediatrician prescribed. No matter how hard it is to get your infant to take his vitamins or any other medicines, do not smile and say, "Mmmmm, good." Do not pretend to take them yourself, either. All this does is reinforce the dangerous idea that medicine is like candy, to be enjoyed. Instead, slip the vitamins into some grape juice when he is not looking. And never give him medicine in the dark. Recheck the dosage first. Too few drops of pain reliever will not do him much good; too many can harm him.

Paint is a potential poison, even when dry. Those flakes on the wall in the living room? Little One will find them and put them into her mouth. The crib you had to repaint? That will become a huge teething ring. The great rocking horse Uncle Steve made? It will be chewed on at the first sign of teething. All of these can cause lead poisoning, unless you use lead-free paint. In fact, always use eco-friendly paint to be sure it does not contain any other harmful toxins.

Many cases of poisoning result from substances that should not have been there in the first place. Avoid this by using up the product, if possible. Any codeine left over from your knee surgery should not be flushed down the toilet (and into our water supply) but turned into a pharmacy which disposes of left-over prescription medicines, or ground into kitty litter or coffee grounds and put it into a sealed container in your garbage. Make sure, too, that the paint from the bookcase that you actually did manage to finish is discarded or given away. (Churches and nonprofit organizations are always looking for supplies.) If a member of the family services your car at home, call the waste-disposal company for directions on getting rid of old antifreeze and oil. Then do it.

Those empty containers can be just as dangerous. Do not give them to Baby to play with. Throw away those empties, but, in case one tumbles out of the garbage or recycle bin into reach of a little mouth, rinse them thoroughly first.

We all assume that our little guy is so important to us that we will always watch him closely. Because even parents are human beings, that is not true. We will leave the room for a few minutes to go get the mail. That is plenty of time for him to remove the child-resistant cap that we did not replace properly after taking some aspirin an hour ago, or loosen the bleach-bottle's top that we should have screwed on much more tightly.

Another common error is leaving a poisonous substance out while we go answer the telephone. The most reasonable solution is for people to take it with them. Unfortunately, most household products, even if they are light enough for us to carry, spill easily when jammed quickly between a leg and side of a wheelchair or when bounced against the side of a crutch. For that reason, it is wise to let the phone ring. Or stick a cordless or cell phone in your pocket or bra or in a pouch attached to your crutch, walker, or other aid you use to get your around the house. If you are afraid to miss a call, get an answering machine. Many people hate the things; but those you want to talk to will understand and either leave a message or call back later. When Ed McMahon tries to get in touch with you to inform you of your huge American Family Publishing prize, he is required by law to try more than once.

One of the most beautiful poisons in our homes comes in the form of plants. It is surprising how many plants in our houses and gardens can actually harm a person, especially a very small child. Because of his body weight, one leaf from an oleander will cause your son more mouth and stomach irritation, more dizziness and vomiting, more abdominal pain than it would an adult, whom it might affect only slightly.

When I heard this, I looked around my home. That is when I discovered that I had about thirty plants. Why so many? Spider plants and others clean the air effectively without chemicals. Moreover, plants give living, thriving beauty to the rooms yet need minimal care. Most of all, unlike decorative knick-knacks I have to keep on high shelves for a few years anyway, they do not need a weekly dusting and waxing.

I realized it was important to identify each plant and know which parts of them are toxic. For instance, I learned that all parts of the elephant ear philodendron, a very common house plant, are dangerous. Also, a popular garden plant, wisteria, has toxic seeds and pods.

To help in your task of identification, turn to "Poisonous Parts of Common Plants," in the Appendix. This is far from a complete list, however. If you have a plant that is not listed, ask about it at the Poison Control Center.

Once you know your enemy, your family is much safer. You probably will not want to tear out all of your yellow jasmine, but you will not let little Alma crawl around on the lawn where the wind might deposit the berries. In the house, you will move the rosary pea to a spot where your daughter cannot get to it and where it will not drop its seeds to the floor where she can get to them. As a matter of fact, this is true of any hanging plant. Just suspending it from a high hook, out of reach, is not enough, as having toxic leaves means relocating a plant is very important. Sometimes it is best to adopt it out, with the provision, of course, that you get starts from it in a few years.

Do not give them all away, though. There are many non-toxic plants. Hang some fuchsias. They are perfectly safe. So are spider and umbrella plants, Jade, Christmas cactus, and most other cactus varieties. That beautiful, lush Boston fern can stay, too. And wandering Jew plants are fine, except that the sap of some may cause a minor rash. So, get planting!

In summary, it is best to follow these minimum guidelines to keep your home poison-proof:

In the Kitchen: 1) Avoid storing cleaners and other household products under the sink. If you must do so, use safety caps whenever possible and screw other caps on very tightly. Install locks on cabinet doors. 2) Do not keep cleaners or medicines on a table, china cabinet, counter, or windowsill. They should not be kept on top of the refrigerator, either, because vibration might cause them to fall off. 3) Keep the Poison Control Center's number near the telephone.

In Bedrooms: 1) Do not keep medicines, perfumes, or cosmetics out in the open on the dresser, chest of drawers, night stand, or headboard. Put them out of sight and reach, preferably locked up. 2) Check for flaking paint on walls and furniture.

In Bathrooms: 1) Clean out the medicine chest. Get rid of unused medications and those that have passed their expiration dates. 2) Repeat frequently, at least every six months. 3) Make sure anything toxic has a safety cap. If not, move it to a safer place. 4) Have one bottle of Syrup of Ipecac per child, with the Poison Control Center's number attached to it, in the medicine chest. Also have a container of Epsom Salts. 5) Use safety latches on cabinets. 6) Keep cabinet doors closed.

In the Laundry Area: 1) Store bleach, soap, and other laundry products as high up as you can reach without causing danger of spillage or dropping when you do try to get to them. 2) Push any such products you keep on top of the washer as far back as possible. You may want to put a piece of wood above the top of the washer and drier, where the control section is a few inches away from the wall, to form a small shelf in an otherwise-wasted area. 3) If you store furniture polish, drain cleaners, and the like in the laundry area, devote one cabinet to such items and keep it locked. Use a locking mechanism that is easy for you to use, to ensure that you actually do use it. 4) Keep the door to the area closed.

In the Basement and Garage: 1) Keep everything in its original container. Especially avoid pouring, say, turpentine into soda bottles, decorated plastic party cups, or any other attractive container, even on a "just for awhile" basis. 2) Reattach labels that are starting to peel off, making sure that they are still easily readable. Discard anything in a container with an unreadable or missing label. 3) Put safety locks on all drawers and cabinets. Put a sturdier lock on the cabinet containing insecticides, herbicides, antifreeze, motor oil, turpentine, and paint. And, once again, make sure all are locks you can reach and easily use. 4) Keep the doors to the basement and garage closed.

All of this may seem too much for a new baby who cannot even crawl yet. But remember that he will be crawling soon, then walking and climbing. Now is the time to child-proof and poison-proof your home. Later may be too late.

For awhile you will feel as though you are living in a fortress, that is true. After a while, though, the good safety habits you have acquired will become so much a part of you that you will not notice--until your father looks in the refrigerator and asks why you have a safety cap on the catsup.

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6-EQUIPMENT FOR GOING OUT: GULLIVER'S TRAVELS

Sooner than you might expect, you will want to take this newest family member out of his protected environment, into the world. It might be a quick visit to Grandma's, or even a more formal occasion, like Brian's first outing, which was to my Master's Degree ceremony when he was two weeks old. Wherever you go, there are some things you will need.

Heading the list is the car seat, which you should have had before bringing the baby home from the hospital. In fact, this is mandatory equipment in all fifty states now. Unless you buy an infant seat now and replace it in a year, it will be used for several years, until the little rider can be protected by the car's seat belt. For this reason, it should be sturdy. It should comply with Federal Motor Vehicle Safety Standards. If it is labeled "dynamically tested," it has been put through crash tests. Remember that riding with an infant on your lap may seem safe, but he can be wrenched from your arms during impact, leaving him with absolutely no protection from injury, or crushed by a rapidly inflating air bag.

But all of this is true for everyone. What more should extra-challenged parents think about in a car seat?

For one thing, consider the covering. The frame should be well-padded so that Holly can rest comfortably. The top layer should be fabric rather than vinyl. The principal advantage to vinyl is that it is more easily cleaned. However, cloth is warmer in winter and cooler in summer, taking less effort on your part to tuck her into it. What is more, it is hard to peel a sweating body away from vinyl. If you do acquire one covered in vinyl, a towel can be used between the vinyl and your daughter. However, that is one more thing that needs to be dealt with, to have handy and be spread out evenly so that wads of towel do not irritate her skin. Instead, use one of the terry cloth covers available for car seats, or make one, if you can sew. These keep a cloth seat cleaner, too.

Be sure to attach a toy (see chapter twelve). Do this for the same reason you do whatever you can to keep the baby comfortable in the car seat: the more comfortable he is, and the more he has to occupy his attention, the less you need to worry about a squirming child. It is not as easy for us E.C.s to pick him up or move him around in the seat as it is for others, especially for those of us who are driving with hand controls.

Do not make the mistake I made. I forgot that metal and hard plastic get very hot in the sun. Brian's sudden shriek of pain as I set him into the seat caused me some momentary panic and knocked me off balance, resulting in my slower response to his needs. The hot buckle left no mark on Brian, but it caused him needless physical pain and me emotional trauma. After that, I kept an old receiving blanket covering those potential hot spots.

One more trick I picked up from friends is to have two car seats, one in each car, to eliminate the need to change the seat whenever Baby changes cars. This is most helpful if you are able to drive both family cars. Either way, your spouse gets a break from installing/de-installing the single seat for each family trip.

Another handy piece of traveling equipment is the canvas baby carrier. For a parent in a wheelchair, this is a reasonable way to transport Chad, at home or out. One wheelchair-bound mother I know designed and made her own pouch that had straps that fastened around the arms of her chair, securing the baby in front of, but not against, her. Some packs on the market can be modified for this purpose if you are willing to do some cutting and sewing. Furthermore, with some models, the pack on the front of Mom is a discreet method of nursing, always a problem in a public place. Most important, the infant gets more of that all-important body contact, which, because we cannot carry him easily, may tend to be less with us during daily routine. Of course, that does not count all the extra cuddling we do because it feels so warm next to our baby.

Is that cuddling important? Apparently so. A study done by Montreal Children's Hospital showed that infants that were carried at least three hours a day cried forty-three percent less throughout the day and fifty-one percent less in the evening hours, which is the worst time, especially for colicky babies.

Obviously, such a carrier is less useful to a person on canes or crutches, as the device hinders balance. However, it does aid the parent-team. That is, if the little guy is in a pack on Dad, then Dad is free to hand you your crutches, hold your chair while you stand up, or do any of those other helpful things he does when his arms are not full of baby.

A lightweight plastic slumber seat that goes into several positions is convenient, too. During those first couple of months when you are readjusting to comparative weightlessness and learning how to balance with your wiggling mass of silly putty, the seat lends stability. Use it to move the baby from dressing table to carriage to car. You can even put it, baby and all, into the car seat, if all of the restraints still fit securely. For a new baby, this smaller space offers more protection for the head that wants to flop from side to side. The carrier also fits into the child section of grocery carts, so you can shop without heading to the toilet paper section first in search of squeezable-soft cushions to put around the baby. And if your tiny Lilliputian falls asleep on the way home, you jostle him less by bringing him into the house in the seat

and putting him, undisturbed, on the floor or bed.

Chapter three focused in depth on the advantages of a carriage over a stroller. When the baby gets a little older, though, you may want to add a lightweight stroller. Once Noel is able to stand she can help move herself; and she is a budding mountain-climber who has to know what is on the other side of each hill. At this point, before the store-counter-gum-grabbing stage, you may want to take her out more often. Unfortunately, although the carriage is very hard, if not impossible, for you to put into the car, you cannot carry the baby wherever you want her to go. This is where the stroller comes in.

Choose a stroller in much the same way you would choose a carriage, for manageability, sturdiness, double front wheels, good brakes. Conversely, the weight of the light stroller and the fact that it is not being used on carpeting lessen the need for a solid handle. Actually, the umbrella handles work fairly well in this instance and make folding easier. Again, attach a toy, because even colorful racks of blouses stop being interesting after a few minutes when all Baby has to look at are shirt tails and bottom buttons.

There is one more piece of equipment that is good for dining out, visiting, or even picnics. That is a portable baby seat. Although most eating establishments have highchairs available, you might not be happy with the contraption provided. They say it is a highchair. It even looks like a highchair. Closer scrutiny discloses some woeful inadequacies. It is hard to ignore the fifty layers of yellow squash, strained beets, sticky, unidentifiable masses, and, hiding unsuccessfully in the joint where the chair folds, mashed potatoes that must be Irish because they are "wearing the green." Then there are the missing parts that cause the chair to wobble every time the baby moves. Most disconcerting is the frequent lack of a crotch strap, the device that, when present, allows parents to eat rather than constantly grabbing for the child as his head sinks out of sight below the tray.

Yes, we had some interesting times with public highchairs. Would I change any of those fond memories? You bet! Which is why my suggestion of a bring-along seat that attaches to a table.

Their construction varies. The canvas sling is light and easy to handle. The solid model is heavier but allows more freedom for the young gourmet to look around at his fascinating surroundings as he rubs cherry Jello into his hair. One with a low back allows more of such freedom, while the higher back gives more support to a still-weak body. Cloth is often more attractive; vinyl is wiped off easier. Some are for use with children weighing up to twenty pounds, while others are designed to handle up to forty pounds. All types can be folded and should have something on the arms to protect the table. And all have crotch straps!

As is so often the case, the advantages to the extra-challenged parent are not unlike those for others. Cleanliness is an important one. So is safety, because highchairs tend to be placed at the corner of a table or outside end of a booth, where servers and other passers-by can easily knock into them. Instead, a baby seat can be attached to a space where someone would normally sit. In a booth, it can sit right beside you, attached to the table or, if it is the solid type, rest on the seat. When asked how many people there are in your party, count the baby as one so you will be seated at a large enough table.

Wherever you place the seat, the baby is secured, unable to push away from the table. (Move that water glass quickly.) Moreover, he is close to you so that you can reach him easily for feeding and touching without your having to stretch uncomfortably. This close proximity has another side: since the baby is seated with you rather than at his own, separate "table" (high chair), he is more a part of the family, following the conversation with his eyes and adding a few comments of his own. You even find yourself talking to him more during the meal.

I remember the time we were out to dinner with friends and one of them said, "You're so brave!" Naturally, I almost choked on the nails I was about to spit. Until I realized that this was a friend who knew better than to even think such inanities. She confessed that they had rarely taken their young children out because of the trouble they inevitably cause. By the end of the evening our friends were a little sorry they allowed their fears to get in the way of what we showed them could be a manageable, pleasant, satisfying experience.

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7-CAR EMERGENCY KIT: YOU CAN'T GO HOME AGAIN

To be honest, some experiences are more frustrating than satisfying.

For example, you will never forget the diaper bag, right? Wrong. Ours spent one quarter of its life hanging on the front doorknob after we left through the garage, or hiding on the couch, where we could not possibly overlook it, except that there was always a last-minute rush. Another quarter of its existence it was empty of diapers. For this reason, especially for us E.C.s, a baby emergency kit is as essential as a first-aid kit, which is always good to carry in a car, once Miss or Mr. Curiosity gets here.

The car emergency kit should contain two or three disposable diapers. Make them disposable because they do not need pins or plastic pants, and you will not tie up cloth diapers that could be put to use. Include a bottle of Syrup of Ipecac, with the local Poison Control Center's phone number written in moisture-proof ink on a slip of paper that is attached to the bottle with a piece of cellophane tape. Ipecac is inexpensive and lasts almost forever but would be a good investment even if that were not true. A bottle in the car just might save your child's life at a friend's house or on a picnic. A few individually wrapped baby wipes are important, too, for wiping hands and behinds. Or just keep a small supply of diaper wipes from the canister in a zip-lock bag. Pour a little extra water into the bag to ensure ample dampness.

Add a receiving blanket. This will come in handy for unexpected chilliness from weather or air conditioners, for creating a shady area for the baby, or for providing a place to lay him down for play or nap. It will also be handy for those times when you want something between him and your car seat or public changing table.

You will need a plastic bag, as well, to hold any dirty diapers. Even if you discard them immediately in a nearby trash can, health and courtesy demand that they be sealed into a container. Besides, those fully loaded diapers are much easier to carry if enclosed in a bag. Bread bags or bags that paper carriers use in rainy weather work well, and your reuse of them is ecologically responsible.

Other items are helpful but not essential. One is a burp rag. In a pinch, the blanket can be used, although a burp rag is preferable if Christine frequently spits up. In addition, pack some lotion, but keep it in the glove compartment so you can use it, as well. Baby lotion is good because it is made for babies yet lacks the slickness that causes our hands to slide off of crutch handles or rims of wheelchairs. Moreover, if little Tonya is teething, you will want to put a few teething biscuits into the kit so you have a handy snack that soothes her sore gums, thus allowing you more peace and quiet.

It is a good idea to pack such a kit for both cars if you are a two-car family. That is because the need is there, whether you are alone with Baby or on a family outing. Besides, if you are able to drive both cars, Murphy's Law dictates that you will be driving the one without the kit the day you need it. I discovered the value of a kit in each car the day we rushed Brian to the emergency room for his first set of stitches. When I decided to change him to make him more comfortable while waiting for the doctor, I realized that the kit was in the other car.

There are many instances in which you will be happy you were prepared. Most common will be that you have loaded Davy into the car, tugged his stroller into the trunk, and pitched your canes into the back seat. As you turn the key in the ignition, you remember the diaper bag. You will not want to get yourself out, leaving Davy alone, and go inside to get the bag. If this is a short trip, say, to the grocery store or to Valu-Mart for their toy sale, your emergency kit will suffice.

Another instance is the time you bring along two extra diapers, but Cindy's lunchtime prunes over-reacted. If you run out of diapers when you are not near home or in a store that sells disposables, you may face an extra unloading and loading of yourself and a not-too-sweet-smelling child. You might be at a friend's house, in which case you could ask her to baby-sit while you went to the store. Naturally, you will not want to make such a request because of the E.C.'s unwritten eleventh Commandment: Thou shalt not impose.

Consequently, the handy car emergency kit will save you. In essence, it will cover your backside, as well as your baby's.

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8-LAUNDRY: OF HUMAN BONDAGE

And what covers the backside must be laundered.

Remember the children's song about the days of the week? It described Monday as washday, Tuesday as sprinkling day, Wednesday as ironing day, and so forth. When there is a baby in the house, though, it is "Monday washday, Tuesday washday, Wednesday washday,...." Or so it seems.

For some of us, washing is a difficult task; for the rest of us, it is just boring and time-consuming, especially when done almost daily.

Take heart. There are some techniques that can save both labor and the nervous system.

One is the paper sack method. For this you will need to set out, on top of your washer or dryer, an open grocery sack, preferably a double, because it stands open better and will last longer through moisture and other abuses it will have to endure. Beside it place absorbent material, such as a roll of white paper towels, cotton balls, or a clean, absorbent rag, plus a container of your favorite stain-fighter. However, make it one which can stay on clothing. Read the label. You may not want to use it if it tells you to wash within a short period of time. Instead use something like Dawn dish soap (works on oil-soaked ducks and on your clothes!), a liquid like the old Shaklee's Basic H, or that secret recipe handed down through the generations in your family, along with those ugly rompers that your baby will try in vain to wear out.

Whenever you change little Jenny's clothes, take them into the laundry room. Before putting them into the paper sack, zip, snap, check for needed repairs. Un-wad socks. Turn most clothes right side out, dark and other clothes (check labels) inside out. Then spend a few moments on the stains. Using towels, rag, or cotton balls, absorb as much moisture as possible without applying pressure, which just drives the stain deeper into the fabric. When using something like a homemade solution (see later in the chapter for suggestions), treat the stains now, while they are fresh, so that they are less likely to become permanent. When it is time to wash, you are ready. The spotter has had time to work, Baby's clothes are separated from everyone else's, and all you have to do is empty a lightweight bag into the machine.

You may prefer to use a commercial stain remover, such as Spray 'n Wash or Shout. The liquid should not be allowed to dry on the cloth, though (see label directions). Treat both sides of the garment, then rinse with plain water, and, if you plan to wash later that day, put the item into the sack. Or, if you want to treat all the stains at once, use two paper sacks. At the time you bag the clothing, you always know which pieces need the extra care, if for no other reason than you have just groaned, "Oh, no! Not the grape juice!" Just be sure to mark the bags clearly so you do not inadvertently throw the plum-decorated sweat shirt into the "no stain" bag.

There are several advantages to this system. For one, it is cheap. We all know that grocery bags, if left alone in a dark place, multiply shamelessly, providing an unending supply. While it is no loss to throw away a soiled paper sack, a cloth bag or plastic container needs to be cleaned frequently, adding to your work load. Besides, they tend to take up more room. The biggest advantage, however, is ease. Even if you are very organized, wash time often comes right after "My-God-We're-Out-Of-Tee Shirts!" time, which is in the middle of "Feed-Me!" time, coupled with "Change-Me!" time. A quick trip to the laundry room gets your wash going, without the burdensome bending and sorting and spotting and, because you are in a hurry, feverishly shimmying escaping socks up a wall with a crutch tip or reacher so they can be recaptured and sent on their watery way.

But, you lament, what about the clutter on top of the machines?

What about it? If pregnancy has not taught you, the first months of parenthood will: God did not intend for the world to be free of clutter; otherwise, He would not have created Fall.

You may become an Ivory Snow believer or one who throws little Carl's clothes, along with the rest of the family's, into a bubbling pool of Costco Laundry Detergent. Either is fine, as long as your final rinse contains fabric softener or white vinegar. Check with your pediatrician. He or she might recommend using soap rather than a detergent, because soap has fewer components that can cause allergies. Be advised, though, that you can not use soap with a water softener or packaged non-precipitating water softeners because of the mineral residues, which can cause skin irritations. Further, your baby's doctor might recommend certain laundry products to use or stay away from. The fact is, babies, like adults, may or may not be allergic to almost anything. Brian, for example, did fine with our regular family detergent, while my friend's child needed Ivory or he broke out in an ugly rash.

In any event, plan to wash plastic pants every time you do a load of almost any laundry. This gives you a constant supply of pants drying decoratively on laundry room doorknobs, and a continuing moisture barrier for your child. Remember that some of your energy must be kept in reserve for little things like walking or wheeling yourself around, working around your arthritis flare-up, and the like, so do not waste it by having to wash those necessary plastic pants by hand. If you are lucky enough to have some energy left over by the end of the day, I am sure your spouse will think of something.

To save even more of your energy, keep a pillow case or mesh bag with your baby's laundry bag. Put items threaded with ribbons into this rather than pinning the ribbons to the garments. Either method will keep the ribbons from working free in the wash, but the pillow case or bag takes far less effort, especially if you have trouble handling small safety pins. The same bag helps keep itty-bitty baby socks from mysteriously disappearing into the Twilight Zone.

Keeping clothes from getting dingy is always hard, especially for clothes washed as often as little Missy's. An easy solution that does not involve unwieldy bottles of brighteners is to add one teaspoon of Epsom Salts per gallon of water to the wash. It helps prevent colors from running, too.

Finally, make transportation of the clean clothes a lighter task. Washing Myron's laundry apart from the rest, of course, eliminates your need to sort it afterwards. For sorting a mixed load or folding his items, dump everything into his stroller, or use that bassinet that he outgrew in two weeks, if it has wheels. Take it to a comfortable chair where you can sit, sort, and fold. Then use the rolling laundry basket to get everything to its proper storage place.

Now for the promised suggestions for treating stains. If you do not have breathing problems, make your own solution similar to the commercial ones. To one pint of warm water, add one teaspoon of liquid soap or detergent and two tablespoons of household ammonia. Mix well and keep in a spray bottle. After spraying a stain, let it sit fifteen minutes before washing. Ammonia may affect colors, so experiment on a hidden part of the garment first. To avoid ammonia, use a mixture of one ounce each of glycerin and dishwashing detergent and eight ounces of water. Be sure to shake the mixture well each time before using.

I prefer something more simple. If you do, too, keep some Dawn or liquid laundry detergent in a dish-soap bottle and apply directly to the spots, using a fingernail to scrub the liquid in. Or wrap a bar of old-fashioned laundry soap in nylon netting and rub that on the stain. Or use up your left-over shampoos that led to nightmares rather than to the dreamboats promised by its advertisers. Or do nothing, and tell everyone that the odd splotches are the latest in designer clothes for children.

Did I arouse your curiosity earlier about using vinegar as a fabric softener? Yes, it does work. Simply add a quarter cup of white vinegar to the final rinse. The problem is that vinegar bottles are either heavy glass in the small size or too large in the gallon size, making them hard to handle unless you keep some vinegar in a more convenient container. An alternative is to add a quarter cup of baking soda to the wash cycle, which means eliminating a trip to the machine to add vinegar or fabric softener, if your machine does not add it automatically. On the other hand, stay away from those sheets of fabric softener. Many babies have developed rashes from them, due to the binding chemical that is used. Besides, they take forever to break down in the land-fill.

Finally, whenever you become downhearted about Precious One's constant laundry, think of the near future, when he is a toddler, and the distant future, when he is a teenager, and contemplate this: it gets worse.

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9-DIAPERS: THE TRIAL

For now, though, the bottom line is diapers.

Diaper service is a necessity, not a luxury. With it, the chunks go to the sewage treatment plant and everything else goes to that sainted being, the diaper route person. Without it, you dunk in the toilet, wring, pre-soak, dump water, wash and rinse using detergent and an anti-bacteria agent, soften carefully so as not to destroy the diaper's absorbency, dry thoroughly, fold, and clean and disinfect the soaking bucket. Since your little human food processor is doing his best to fill eight-to-twelve diapers a day, that is a heavy load. You would need to develop a system of carrying and dumping without slipping when you step into a damp spot on the floor. If you do diapers every day or two, your spouse will not even dream about helping you expend your extra energy.

Those of you who, like me, have some cost-accountant blood will be interested in expense. Diaper service is less expensive than many people imagine. Brian averaged only sixty diapers per week, but that varies with the liquidity of the child. Although services suggest starting with ninety, in most cases that is a lot of leftover weekly dust rags and chin wipes. Try seventy and adjust the number after a few weeks. For that number of diapers, a service charges around $20 per week, and accessories are offered at a discount when you sign up. Usually there is no price increase when Luanne moves into larger diapers.

$20 may seem like a lot, until you do a cost-analysis. Those home-washed diapers have an initial outlay of around at least a hundred dollars for an adequate supply of good cotton diapers. Later costs include Borax or some other brand of pre-soaker, bleach, detergent, softener, and water. For a fair comparison, include gas or electricity for the washer and dryer and for heating the water, wear and tear on the machines, and a soaking bucket, if other than the regular hamper is used. Even so, after the average two and a half years that little Ronnie will be in diapers, the least expensive method is doing your own, with the diaper service a close second. You need to decide how much your limited energy is worth.

Be aware, however, that services do more than just provide clean diapers. They may offer different sizes and absorbencies, Ph testing and adjustment if diaper rash appears, suspended service while you are out of town, "loaners" when you forget to leave the bag out to be picked up, pre-folded diapers, and people, including the route person, to answer your questions about diapering and related problems, like rash. Moreover, their diapers are treated with an agent that retards the growth of bacteria. Further, the services offer ways to save money, such as paying for twelve weeks and getting a thirteenth free, or earning a free week by referring a new customer. It pays to shop around. In fact, sometimes a company will give you a free week just for requesting that information be sent to you.

Certainly, you could avoid the problem of plastic pants and washing or leasing diapers by buying disposables. Prices are all over the place, depending on size, sales, and your willingness to change the lower-quality ones more often.

Many mothers have been happy with these synthetics. Conversely, many have been dissatisfied. They cite as problems more frequent diaper rash and leaking because no brand was made with little DeShawn's build in mind. Sometimes the elastic on the legs is too tight, causing difficulties with circulation and comfort. And it is harder to tell when it is time for a change.

I found two other problems. One was complying with health regulations, which say that human waste cannot be disposed of at the city dump. The linings of paper diapers are supposed to be removed and flushed down the toilet before the diaper is thrown away. But those linings do not come out easily, especially if a person's extra challenge includes difficulty in using your hands. The other problem I discovered with disposables was their bulkiness. Because of so much padding, Brian's bottom outgrew several outfits before the rest of him did, even though he inherited his dad's skinny-butt genes. He fit fine, though, when in cloth diapers. The tricky part here, of course, was that the tighter the clothing the harder it was for me to dress him.

Once you have decided on the "what," whether it be service, home-washed, or synthetic, it is time to concentrate on the "how," which entails quite a bit more than just removing the soiled diaper, washing those cute, mushy buns, and putting on a fresh diaper.

Unfortunately, one of the last places you will find a baby in need of a clean diaper is near his changing table and diaper pail. One thing you can do is put him into his carriage or otherwise transport him to his own exchange-linen depot in his room. But there is a better way.

Decide where it is, besides the primary spot, that Joey spends a lot of time, such as a family or living room, and probably your own bedroom. In each of these rooms have several diapers, one or two pairs of plastic pants, a puddle pad (a foot square piece of waterproof material), and a container of baby wipes. The wipes are superior to a wash cloth because they contain something to fight bacteria and condition the skin, so you do not really need lotion and powder at every change. They are also more practical for extra-challenged parents because a wash cloth must be dampened before use and sometimes rinsed out in the middle of a use. Besides that, it must be hung somewhere to dry, then washed after only a single use. Wipes, on the other hand, are already moistened and are thrown away as they are used.

Another item to include is a something to distract little Tommy while you are changing him. This could be a small toy or a ring of useless keys. To be totally effective it needs to be something he plays with only while you are changing him so it will continue to capture his attention, thus minimizing his squirming long enough to make the change of diaper much easier on you.

Keep these supplies on a handy shelf, in a decorative bag or box, in an accessible drawer--wherever they are easy for you to get to. I used a basket with a handle. It was convenient, especially once Brian started unpacking it frequently. That is when I started keeping it inside the playpen, out of his reach.

Avoid stocking each room with items you do not normally need. For instance, how often do you really need another safety pin? Does Gini get diaper rash often enough that she needs ointment at each change? How frequently does she soak through all of her clothing so that she needs a complete change? Does she usually have a runny nose or spit up small amounts so you need a box of tissues? You decide.

The more supplies you have in various rooms rather than just in a central location, the more items you need to check on every few days. A conscious check is imperative. It is more than just frustrating to have a dry, clean bottom and no diaper to put on it. Worse yet is the time you have removed the diaper full of the remnants of Little Honey's iron-fortified vitamins and spinach, then find you have only one wipe left in the container. Unlike less-challenged parents, you cannot just hold his bottom away from everything while you carry him to another room.

If you do set yourself up in several rooms, you will need something in each place to hold the dirty diapers, unless you want to leave the baby to go at once to the diaper pail. Doing so means an unnecessary expenditure of your energy and a loss of those few glorious minutes when he smells as fresh as a sunny day.

Because most diapers, especially those of breast-fed babies, are not so offensive that they need to be carted to the pail immediately, use something to hold them until you have gathered several. Obviously, a paper bag is not the best answer. When I tried it, the bottom fell out when I lifted it, and I had a stinky mess on my carpet. A plastic bag is much better. It will hold many wet diapers without soaking through, and it can be closed. However, when you open it, take a deep breath first. Take two if you have made the mistake of letting a chocolate-colored diaper ripen in there. The dampness trapped in the plastic, combined with a little heat from the room, causes what amounts to a fermentation process.

What I used instead was the plastic wash basin I was given when I was in the hospital having Brian. Hospitals just throw them away, so people might as well take them home. And, since I had friends who were recently in the hospital or knew others who were, I was able to get more. They are very light, adding little weight to that of several wet diapers, and the lip around them makes holding them with one hand easy. What is more, the fact that they are open means that soiled wipes and pants can be put into their own piles so that they can be removed easily without having to dig through dirty diapers.

Dumping diapers and disinfecting holders can be done with little wasted motion, if you think ahead. Every time you head with the carriage to Wee One's room, put the container of diapers on top of the hood of the carriage and take it along. While in his room, put the diapers into the hamper and either carry the holder back with you the same way or take out a new plastic bag from a supply you have stored in the nursery. Use a similar procedure when you have chunky diapers. Take them with you when you need to use the bathroom, plop out the chunks into the toilet, and drop the diapers into the hamper on your way past the baby's room.

When you need to clean the holder, take it along with you on one of those trips and wash it out then. Keep a small bottle of dish soap mixed with disinfectant in the bathroom for this purpose. It also cleanses the bathroom sink and your hands by the time you have finished. Do not bother drying the inside of the diaper holder. A little disinfectant water can only help matters.

As long as babies continue to act like Betsy Wetsy dolls, diapers are with us. Dealing with them is tedious and less inspiring than "Divorce Court" reruns. But, with a little planning, they need not sap our energy that should be put into more important activities, like the ever-popular game of Baby Monster Attacks Mommy.

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10-MEALTIME: A MOVABLE FEAST

Such battles, even though loving, have no place when eating, though. Instead, meals should be times of nurturing and nutrition.

When it comes to feeding a newborn, I do not know who is the greater advocate of nursing, my husband or me. If he could depend on not being misunderstood, he would have carried a sign reading "Breast is Best!" Before Brian arrived, my husband was certain he liked the idea of my breastfeeding. After he experienced the convenience and healthy results, he became a fanatic. Nursing goes in and out of fashion in our society. Even when it is stylish, however, well-meaning people advise extra-challenged women against it. Sometimes the argument is that it is too difficult, draining the mother's strength. Other times it is a veiled warning that a person might not be able to nurse: "My aunt/cousin/sister couldn't nurse, although she would have loved to if she could...." Further, some doctors will discourage a woman from breastfeeding. Because they learned so little about it in medical school, they shy away from it.

Be assured that most women can nurse, if they are not talked out of it. Patience helps, too, as a mother learns how to nurse, because she feels alone and inadequate from time to time. But there is a fine, nation-wide support group, called La Leche League, that will both give you information and put you in touch with an experienced nursing mother to talk with when you have questions. She will be delighted to share your excitement, too, as you discover the joys of nursing.

If you take any medications, do not worry. Most are not harmful to a baby who is nursing. It is better to be certain about the particular medications you are taking, so check with your pharmacist or pediatrician, or contact La Leche League and ask for a copy of their pamphlet Breastfeeding and Drugs in Human Milk, which gives brand and generic names of drugs and cites results of studies.

Although it will not take long before you are feeding little Crystal almost anywhere, in the beginning it is wise to set up a feeding area. Make it comfortable for the two of you, with good back support and several pillows for around you and under her. Have a nearby, safe place to put her down if you need to, especially if you are prone to cramps or spasms. Always keep a burp cloth at that "nest." To be practical, you will want this place to be the same as one of your changing stations, because what enters tiny bodies seems to exit even quicker.

When it comes to timing when Miss Piggy will eat, you may choose a feeding schedule of, say, every three hours, or you may opt for on-demand feeding. Actually, it does not matter, because they turn out to be the same eventually. She will settle into her own routine, which, with luck, will somewhat resemble the family's routine.

Here is where Daddy can help. Suppose he gets up at 6:00 to leave for work at 6:45, and that is either when your daughter usually starts singing "Food, Glorious Food" or when you have decided she will get her breakfast. Dad can bring her to you for changing and feeding while he showers and dresses, and put her back into her crib as he leaves. A variation on this is that he can bring her as he leaves; then you two ladies can have a post-breakfast snooze together. Use a similar system after dinner and at bedtime. Involve your spouse whenever possible, because the closeness of mother and new baby, particularly when breastfeeding, can make a man feel left out. Feeding time can, and should, be a warm family time.

You will have to plan shopping trips carefully. If Mikey is hungry while out, only your sweet milk will satisfy him. Department store restrooms are not pleasant dining surroundings. Instead, it is worth a trip to your car, where you will have some privacy and comfort. In a restaurant, just throw a cover over the infant and your shoulder and let him eat. People are interested in their own food. You fit in because you are doing what they are doing, eating. So no one notices. I finally understood this the time our friend Lou came over to our booth at our favorite pizza palace and, seeing the covered baby, commented that he would have to see Brian another time, when the bright lights would not wake him if we uncovered him. That was from a man who refused to let his wife nurse in public because "Everyone would know."

There are many advantages for breastfeeding mothers and their children. First, your milk offers the best nutrition possible for your baby. Next, it is easily digested. If you have any doubts about that, check what is left in a diaper of a breast-fed baby as opposed to a formula- or cow's milk-fed baby. Third, breastfeeding fosters important mother-child interdependence, both emotional and physical. Additionally, there is some evidence that the attachment between a mother and her breast-fed baby is stronger than with a bottle-fed baby. This is because every nursing releases prolactin, called "the mothering hormone," into the mother's bloodstream.

Other advantages can be more important to an extra-challenged parent. For example, mothering puts more strain on our bodies than is the case with others, who may not tire as easily. Nursing forces us to rest every few hours as we sit with our babies. Thus, duty defeats our tendency to do more than we should. Also, the chores of mixing and warming formula and sterilizing bottles and nipples do not exist. Although some pediatricians are now saying that such procedures are not necessary, follow the advice of your own doctor. Even if he does want you to warm and sterilize, by the time you add juices to Lynn's diet of breast milk, she is at the age at which the bottles no longer need to be sterilized. Meanwhile, the food is always with us, in clean, warm, accessible pouches.

You might also be interested in another advantage, the fact that breastfeeding burns up a large number of calories each day. Therefore, assuming that you eat reasonably, it will be easier for you to lose the weight gained during pregnancy. Contractions occurring during nursing cause the uterus to return to normal size more quickly, too. Because of our limited physical activity, breastfeeding is a helpful weapon in our post-natal Battle of the Bulge.

Moreover, studies indicate that the higher prolactin levels relax a mother and increase her self-confidence. These positive feelings lead to increased self-esteem, which, as you are well aware, can dwindle when a mother is frustrated and angry at herself for being physically unable to do some of the things she wants to do herself for her infant.

As for the baby, in the arms of a confident, positive mother, and with a tummy full of his favorite nourishing food, he cannot help but be content.

Perhaps you do not want to breastfeed. Or you decide to quit after a few months. (Do not let anyone, including your doctor, pressure you into quitting before you want to, unless, of course, for valid medical reasons.) There are still some actions you can take to make your life more simple.

Use the same dish or bowl each time. After a few uses, you will not need to measure the rice cereal, because you will know how far to fill the bowl. Soon little Gene will recognize that bowl and learn to anticipate eating soon. As he gets older, this is easier for you, because once he spies the bowl, he will stop trying to pull the bird cage from the shelf and will start crawling toward you.

Be comfortable. Until he can sit in a highchair, you will have to hold him or lay him down on an angle for easy swallowing. Use the "nest" described earlier in this chapter so that both of you are comfortable and so that your hands are free to wipe off the glop that is a by-product of the sudden cherubic smile.

Discover your infant's "burpability." Despite what your husband's great aunt Millie says, babies are individuals when it comes to burping. Some need to burp a little, while others need quite a lot. Still others do fine on their own, without help from an adult. Do not wear yourself out by endlessly patting your baby on the back in an attempt to force him to expel air bubbles that are not there.

Remember water. Usually we reach for juice and forget to give a baby water. Yet it is important, more so if he is not getting water through breastfeeding. He needs it for good general health, especially for his skin, which uses large quantities of water. A bottle of water is also a great reducer of guilt during those times when we have done everything to quiet fussy Frances except putting her into her crib with a bottle. Yet we know that by letting her fall asleep with a bottle of formula or juice we are inviting tooth decay and "nursing bottle mouth" (brown teeth and rubbery gums). A bottle of plain water, perhaps slightly warmed, solves the problem.

Fill bottles ahead of time. When you need to fill a bottle with juice or formula, fill two or three instead. With a couple of full bottles in the refrigerator, you are ready when the baby needs one, and you will have to handle formula, milk, or juice containers less often.

While you are at it, pour the needed amount of the concentrated formula into several bottles and store them in the refrigerator. When it is feeding time, add hot water and shake, creating the proper mixture and temperature without heating.

Take this one step farther when going to a restaurant or someone's house for dinner. Avoid problems by putting cereal and dry formula, in measured amounts, into a baggie. Later, pour the contents into a bowl, add hot water, and feed little Angela.

"Think plastic." Stick to plastic bottles. They are lighter and less slippery. They even come in different shapes. For example, one is split, so that it is essentially its own handle. For those of us who have trouble holding onto things, though, a prime advantage to plastic bottles is that they do not break into a million hide-and-seek pieces on our kitchen floor.

Use a highchair as soon as possible. After awhile, Allan will be too squirmy for your lap, too mobile in the walker, too playful in the swing. He will need to eat where you can control him more easily. In the highchair, he is tied in securely (do not forget the crotch strap!), yet comfortably. Because he is sitting, he is in less danger of choking. The area to be cleaned up is smaller, with luck, the mess confined to the tray. And his attention is focused on eating rather than on toys or the third shelf with the heirloom figurines he can almost reach.

Protect the floor. Have your husband spread newspapers under the highchair to catch the peas that Baby dropped just to see where they would go. The dirty papers should be thrown away each day and replaced by fresh ones. This may seem like an extra chore your husband does not need, but it beats washing off a plastic tarp or, worse, scrubbing three-day-old baby peaches off the floor.

Use common sense in finger foods. Books and magazines contain lists of foods the baby supposedly can handle by the end of his first year. Look at those lists only for ideas. Some of the items included must have been suggested by grandparents who got to send the kid home "as is." Hint: pieces of bananas are not bad, but cubes of plain Jello are insane!

Save those leftovers. Baby food seems inexpensive and convenient at first. As soon as teeth appear, however, your child will want heartier fare. Junior foods are supposed to fill the gap between baby and table foods. But many of them are too chunky for the very young child. Besides, he will want to try what the rest of the family is eating. This is when you discover that your skills as a table-side food processor are not that wonderful.

The answer is to save the roast and gravy and run it through a real food processor or a blender on either the chop or the liquefy setting. Add a little water to get the right consistency. Then put the mixture into baby food jars, so that you have small portions, and freeze. (Note: To avoid shattering jars, do not fill the jars completely, and freeze them before snapping on the lids.) After a few family meals, you have a large variety of foods, from mashed potatoes, to meat and gravy, to creamed vegetables, all ready to defrost and present to your little Bottomless Pit.

If Ryan eats small amounts, freeze the food, whether commercial or home-made, in an ice cube tray. Thaw out and serve one vegetable cube, one meat, and whatever else you want your son to eat.

By the way, those cubes come in handy when you are going out. Just toss each cube into a small container. It will be melted when you need it, and refrigerated in the meantime.

Sterilize the easy way. Modern appliances make the old method of sterilizing bottles obsolete. Sure, you can buy a more convenient sterilizing set than your grandmother's kettle and metal plate that holds the bottles. Or you can use an appliance that may already be in your kitchen.

One of those is the microwave oven. Simply fill the bottles with a few ounces of water and microwave until the steam does the job. Remember, it is the inside of the bottle that is important. So there is no need to sterilize the outside, which becomes contaminated as soon as it is touched, anyway.

Another is the dishwasher. The bottles will be washed twice and rinsed in one-hundred-forty degree water. Even if that were not enough to sterilize them, no germ could live through that and the heat of the drying cycle.

Let the baby eat au natural. If the weather is warm and your kitchen is free of chilly drafts, let Munchkin eat without a top. Bibs are always too small, never covering shoulders and arms. Why wash a bib and a baby?

Have Master's bath drawn. If it is almost bath time anyway, this is the time to give him the messy items. Let him discover how many mashed potatoes fit into one ear and how much strained peas into the other. For, you have his bath ready and waiting. After eating, the two of you (you will need it, too) can enjoy a bodily cleansing and a game of Drown the Duck.

Buy a dog. Puppies are so wonderful for children, especially if they grow up together. A dog keeps your child's attention as he chases its wriggling body around the room. A dog gives and receives love from your child. A dog helps teach your child that living things must be treated with care. A dog eats all the spilled Cheerios under the highchair.

Mealtimes should be pleasant for the whole family. They should be times of filling the hearts as well as the stomachs. Too, they should be moments of unity, enhanced by verbal and non-verbal communication that Baby is part of. Worry later about cleaning up the mess.

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11-BATH TIME: MOBY DICK

Naturally, the biggest mess to clean up is the baby himself. That often means it is time for a bath.

Bath time was one of the most enjoyable times of day at our house. After dinner, when Brian looked like a Picasso in motion, Mother headed into the bathroom to fill the tub while "Daddy Express" carried him in and got him ready. After I was settled into the tub and checked the water temperature and level for safety, my husband handed Brian in to me, and the bath began. Sometimes he stayed awhile and the three of us talked and played, making it a period of family togetherness.

Our system worked well. As you know, we who use mobility aids tend to have more balance when sitting, partly because many of us can sit cross-legged in a way that causes envy in the hearts of some of our friends. We can adjust the position of our legs to achieve comfort and balance. Remembering that, settle yourself into the tub before having your husband give you Annie. Although in a conventional tub you will have to sit almost sideways, you can find a comfortable position for yourself. At the same time, form a safe headrest and "butt stop" for Baby, using your legs, knees, feet, and the sides of the bathtub. Once your daughter is placed into the niche you have created for her, wash and play with her.

Therein lies the greatest advantage: active, slippery, babies require at least two quick hands attached to a very balanced person, which, under ordinary circumstances, may not describe you. This bathing system, though, gives you more freedom than a less challenged person has, because most of them would not be able to stay in the position described long enough even to wash the baby's face.

In the meantime, you are using the most practical device for bathing, a bathtub. A kitchen sink or plastic baby tub, both of which will be discussed later, are certainly possibilities for awhile. But babies outgrow them within a few months. By starting out in the family tub you are getting you and little Rene used to handling the big tub, which you will have to face eventually and which, because of its multitude of potential hazards, can be somewhat frightening for both child and mother.

Do you have a shower stall rather than a bathtub? You can still bathe together. Most shower stalls have a large enough lip to allow a miniature tub to be created. Just plug the drain by putting a wash cloth or large, flat stopper over it. Then fill the area with an inch or so of water, and climb in. If that is not workable for you, when the baby gets old enough to sit up by himself use a small inflatable pool or similar object inside the shower. You can sit on the floor just outside the stall.

With a slight alteration, you can handle bathing with your child by yourself, with no help. Before starting, cover the inside of the carriage with a sheet of waterproof material. Otherwise, wetness from the baby's body will soak through the towel, making the carriage unusable until it dries. Then park the carriage beside the bathtub, climb into the tub, and lift the baby in after you. When he is washed, place him, wrapped snugly in a towel, back into the waiting carriage. In this way you can bathe little Jimmy alone, anytime you wish. The flip side is that you cannot enjoy your own bath, because you must bathe him first, while the water is fresh, and must get him dried and dressed as quickly as possible once he is clean.

Now, consider a few more practicalities. If your tub does not yet have a rubber mat, get one. The non-skid butterflies are more decorative, but their spacing is usually farther apart than tiny, wet baby-butt cheeks. The idea is to eliminate any possibilities of slipping. Think about the type of soap you will use, too. A bar of Ivory is fun, offering a challenge to determined new fingers. And its ability to float makes it more available for use than other brands, which always hide just beyond reach behind your back, lurking in some underwater cavern that cannot possibly exist in a bathtub. On the other hand, you will not like the extra soapiness it creates in the bath water, or the slipperiness which is hard to get off the skin.

What can be done? Use a liquid. There are brands made just for babies. A liquid does a thorough cleansing job, yet it is not as slick as bar soaps. Moreover, if the container falls into the tub, it is easy to find. You do not have to worry about water getting into the open bottles, as they commonly have squeeze-through caps.

A little more about containers: If you find the size or shape hard to handle, transfer the liquid to handier ones. Try old baby oil bottles, for instance. Have your friends save empty containers of hand lotion, dishwashing detergent, and anything else that is plastic and has a squeeze top. Look in picnic supplies in the grocery store and pick up squeezable mustard and ketchup holders. To add some fun, buy the honey that comes in a little, squeezable bear, and use the empties for bathing supplies.

Another trick that is helpful during colder weather is to let the containers of soap, shampoo, and baby oil, if you use it (I did not because of added slipperiness), float around in the tub as it is filling with water. Let them stay until you use them. This takes off the chill, which can cause Little Bather to jump in surprise when the liquid is put onto his skin.

Child psychologists say that attention and touching at bath time enhances the closeness of mother and child. So, this is a good time for play, particularly for the extra-challenged mother, who feels more secure and relaxed with her baby against her own body. She can make a game of exercising him, by using arm lifts, knee bends, and stretches and by encouraging him to kick. She can slide the shampoo bottle off of his soapy belly. Or she can play games with the rubber ducky.

You do not have a rubber ducky? Get one. Kids of all ages can enjoy one. Together, you and Donnie can watch Moby Duck float, or you can create waves that make him bob and weave, or you can pretend he is talking to you. The duck will become your ally, diverting attention from ear-washing, which turns the sweetest child's looks into murderous stares. It becomes a signal, as well. It took only a short while before Brian liked his duck so much that my whispered "Quack! Quack!" caused him to smile and squirm gleefully, anxious for his bath. Later, before being handed to Daddy for drying, he would respond to my "Tell Moby goodnight" by hugging the duck close to him.

Bath-time is a great time for conversation. Most people are aware that talking to an infant promotes his development. It starts him on his language skills, while nurturing that special closeness between the two of you (or three, with Daddy joining in). On the more immediate side, your talking captures his attention, helping to control him. That is, if you want him to splash and play, talk in an excited voice; if you want to minimize his wiggling, use quiet, gentle sounds. In other words, during a bath, as at all other times, let your voice do most of the work of controlling the baby.

Bathing together does have its drawbacks, such as slightly used water and an occasional floating log. It has even more rewards, like the togetherness. And it always has a few surprises, especially if your baby, whose bladder is never totally empty, is a boy.

Possibly you would rather avoid such surprises. Or maybe with your particular physical challenge or circumstances it would be better for you to use a sink or baby tub. Even so, there are ways to make bathing an infant easier and safer.

First, choose a baby tub carefully to be sure it meets your own needs. Some are inflatable. These tend to be smaller than the molded plastic kind, making them quite practical for working in a confined space or with a smaller amount of water. They fold up to a small size for easy storage. The disadvantages include having to inflate them and having Baby outgrow them quickly.

The other type, molded plastic, comes in several sizes. Some sit securely on the edges of the bathtub, while others will not fit into half of a double sink. Some are deeper than others. Some have no drain hole, making it necessary for you to dump out the water. And some have a sponge lining to keep a soapy Jeffy from sliding around.

If you use a sink instead, plan on working around a few potential difficulties. At the start, the small space of half of a double sink is just about right. But one morning, just as you are ready to ease the baby-shaped blob of rice cereal into the warm water, you will discover that the sink somehow shrank during the night. Conversely, the larger single sink, although allowing room for the infant and your supporting arm, is too big for many months. To eliminate the child's slipping in the sink, or in a plastic tub, for that matter, try either a contoured sponge that is made the size of a baby, or line the space with a towel. When choosing a sponge or towel, though, consider how hard it will be for you to wring out and where you will hang it to dry.

A compromise between sink bathing and togetherness is a sponge bath. This can be done with a plastic or rubber sheet placed on a changing table, kitchen table, bed, or floor, wherever you feel most comfortable and the baby can be handled safely.

Once the child is six months old, a bath ring can be used in the tub. These are not recommended for younger babies because their backs are not strong enough until then to sit for the amount of time needed to complete the bath. A ring frees Mother's hands to bathe and play with the baby. However, it is hard to reach all body parts to wash, and washing hair is especially difficult.

Bath time will be less hectic if you are a little organized. Keep soap, shampoo, and all other bath supplies in their own basket so you do not need to gather them each time. When you put the towel or wash cloth into the laundry, put a fresh one in the basket or bathroom at once. Do not count on remembering to do this later, because you will realize your mistake when it is too late.

Be conscious of safety, too. Double check the water temperature before putting Jerry into his bath. A few extra splashes of hot water really do make a difference. Also, do not assume that you have moved things well out of his reach. Instead, put razors and other dangerous objects away. Further, never leave him alone for an instant. A baby will hit his head or slip under water in a second. Last, do not rinse his hair under running water. The water temperature is too unpredictable, possibly changing with the flushing of a toilet in another bathroom, and the sound and feel may scare your son.

Be practical in other ways, as well. For example, this is a good time to give Chloe her vitamins. For some reason, some of this healthful substance always manages to find its way from the mouth into stains on clothing, if you give it the chance. Second, do not worry about washing hair every day. Usually, twice a week is enough for an infant. In fact, normally there is no reason for a daily bath. Instead, bathe her every other day, unless there is a need. Next, once she has outgrown the plastic baby tub, be sure to put some colorful toys into the bath with her. In addition to the duck, these can be floating objects, cups, squeak toys, or toys that stick to the walls of the tub.

All it takes is some planning, a little soap, and a lot of water to make an unbelievable difference in your life. They will lead to an enjoyable bath time for everyone involved and, for a short while, transform little Mushy Buns into the cuddly creature that the hospital staff led you to believe you would always have at home.

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12-CLUTTER MANAGEMENT: CALL OF THE WILD

Once the ravages of mere living are washed away and the clean, relaxed little body is sleeping peacefully, look around. You will discover a deep, universal truth: Baby's second favorite activity, after food-processing, is tossing objects out of his swing, highchair, or stroller.

A mother who picks up every flung bottle, rattle, pacifier, and stuffed toy does more bending exercises per week than Richard Simmons ever did. The obvious problem here is that those kinds of repeated exercises are somewhere between highly difficult and plain impossible for E.C.s.

Can little Frankie be foiled? Certainly!

First, the swing. Because he loves the motion and visibility it affords, he will want to spend much of his time in it, swinging, cooing, tossing out toys. Choose two small toys that he can handle easily. Chewy cloth rattles are excellent. To the top of each toy, attach a length of elastic just long enough for him to be able to reach the toy and play with it, but not long enough for him to wrap around himself. The gold decorative elastic that is used on packages works fine, and, if you are a saver of gift wrappings, some is probably wadded up in a drawer right now. It is sturdy, but lightweight enough for him to pull easily without any dangerous snap-back. Too, he will be attracted to the shiny color, which, contrary to what you would expect, does not flake off onto busy fingers until it is quite worn. If you prefer, just use a piece of elastic of any type. Again, though, avoid any that is so tight that it could snap back sharply into the baby's face.

Next, tie one toy to the middle of each of the crosspieces that hold the sides of the swing in its V shape. After that, place the toys in the swing with your son and let him do what he wishes. Whenever he throws them out, all you have to do is pull them up by their strings and return them to him. Eventually he will discover that he can retrieve them, and he will devise a new game to amuse himself.

With only two pieces of elastic, you have created opportunities for a variety of easy-on-Mom games. When curiosity and crawling merge, you have also made a little play area under the swing. Baby can lie on his back while he pulls on the toys, making them dance. As he gets older, he will be happy not only because of the game but also because he can exercise some control over objects in his environment. Meanwhile, your frustration level is low, at least as far as chasing toys around, which allows you to enjoy watching the unfolding fun of discovery.

When going out, use the same plan of action. Always bring along a small toy. A versatile one that is cuddly and chewable, while making some kind of noise, is best, as it offers more in entertainment value. But, in this instance, attach something non-elastic. Once more, search through your gift wrappings, this time for some of that silky string you probably received on a shower gift. It is just the thing, for it is sturdy and colorful, and it has a smooth, pleasing surface. Colorful rick rack, ribbon, braid, or silky trim from the fabric store will do as well. Put a safety pin on the other end of the string. Then, while you are at a restaurant, pin the string to your own or to Carol's clothing and dare her to reach the dirty floor with the toy. Although she will undoubtedly take that dare, you --and cleanliness--win. Meanwhile, you are supervising the position of the string, monitoring its safe use.

You will also want to use the string method with other objects, such as teething rings and pacifiers. Furthermore, you will find that it works well in other places: stroller, highchair, car seat, Aunt Rita's lap.

Whatever you do, do not use strings unsupervised or in a playpen or crib. It is too easy for the infant to entangle himself, with possible fatal results.

But not all toys are small, you say. Not all are soft or can be attached to elastic or strings. What about that chime ball? The blocks? The baby bottle and torn magazine that litter the room? For my own sanity, you cry, I must straighten up sometimes. Then I have to join the Simmons workout group, right?

Not really. At least, not for most things.

Look around the family room or wherever is to be Suzie's main play area. There is probably a corner that has nothing but your favorite plastic philodendron, which she will try to eat sooner or later, anyway. (Keep the real thing away from her. All parts of the plant are poisonous.) Or there is an end table with space under it. Maybe there is a place between a chair and the wall. Establish that as your toy box. Use a crutch, foot, stick, or other convenient device to push the toys into that area. They will be gathered neatly enough, at least until Sleeping Beauty's nap is over.

As for those other items, let little Drew help. Call his attention to, say, the empty baby bottle and let him crawl to it. Most likely, he will want to pick it up for examination. For the first six months or so. Be sure to thank him for his help. The thanking, which makes this a game rather than a seeming deprivation, should be light and conversational. Therefore, he will grow to think of this activity as one more game Mommy plays with him, and he will be eager to participate, whether Mommy really wants the dog's full water dish handed to her or not.

This helpfulness can be carried to an extreme, I learned. Each time I set my crutches down Brian tried to drag them to me. I could not lean one against the refrigerator while I washed dishes because he lugged it over and insisted I take it back.

Granted, to make my system work you will need a baby who is curious. When you think about it, have you ever seen one who was not? Of course, you will need patience, too. Actually, though, here you are a step ahead of able-bodied mothers, because if having a disability does not teach people anything else it force-feeds us lessons in patience.

When tiny Alice is being totally angelic (sleeping) and you want to straighten up, do not forget all the aids at your disposal. No, I do not mean items like the long-handled reachers that are on the market. They are functional, but often not nearby when you need them. I mean those tools that you usually keep in the kitchen: the shish kebob skewer and barbeque fork, which are wonderful for spearing papers on the carpet; plastic salad tongs or metal graspers, which extend your grabbing range; a soup ladle for scooping up small blocks. Look around your kitchen for other useful items.

If you have some extra cash, hire a Mother's Helper to come in an hour or two a day or a few hours a week. Your local newspaper's "work wanted" ads will give you some names of people to contact. Ask the high school near your home to advertise the job to its students. Just be sure to interview the person carefully so you employ someone who will do things your way. Otherwise, the resultant personality conflict or the rearranging of a cupboard in such a way that you can no longer reach items you use often can lead to a large pain in the spanking area.

After you have made your selection, let that person do those chores that are very hard for you to do or that you really dislike doing. Spend your own time with your baby and accomplishing easier, more enjoyable tasks.

When all else fails, you can look at your little darling in the midst of the clutter and mumble those time-honored words, "Wait until your father gets home!"

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13-DAILY EMERGENCIES: THE RED BADGE OF COURAGE

While pregnant, I gave little thought to such things as clutter. What I really worried about were emergency situations. I did not worry much about the big ones, because if my husband were not home I could call any of several neighbors who would be there immediately to rush Brian to the hospital. Instead, I played "What If?" with daily problems. What if he woke up screaming for me now while I was changing my crutch tips in some other room? What if he bumped his head? How could I tell if it really hurt? What if he were crawling toward that carelessly-left cup of coffee faster than I could get onto the floor and scoot to him? What if he started to cough?

I found my answer by doing what comes naturally: talking. I always talked to Baby Brian, about everything from what we should have for dinner to who to vote for in the next gubernatorial race. We discussed the merits of skinny-dipping and which poetry to submit to which publications. He always responded with an opinion of his own.

Apparently, babies are natural conversationalists, starting with responsive kicks in the womb. They love to be talked to, to answer, and to have that answer rewarded by more talk, even if the whole conversation is an echo-chamber of imitative grunts. A good illustration of this is the delight an infant takes in "Oh, oh!" when something is amiss.

Start at once. If you are pregnant, talk to that growing mound you carry with you. Whether or not you believe the baby hears you is of less concern than your getting used to talking to a non-adult. If you have trouble, imagine you are talking to that totally vacuous person you can never seem to avoid at parties. On the other hand, if Todd has already been born, let him be a part of the conversation when you and your husband talk. That is, have him near you so he can listen to the patterns of speech and so you can occasionally say something to him. Content is not important. Use baby talk or grown-up talk. It all means the same to him.

Soon your talking to him will come naturally, and he will understand that you expect some kind of response. (Studies show that the pause between a mother's comments to her child correspond to the amount of time needed for an appropriate reply, as though there were an imaginary conversation taking place.) Because he is eager to please, usually his reactions will be what you want them to be. That is not to say that he will follow your directions. Indeed, infants follow instructions almost as well as teenagers do. Mainly what you are doing is occupying his time while you get to him, or finding out exactly how serious the situation is.

I found rhymes very helpful. The pattern and repetition of sounds seemed to fascinate Brian, who would stop what he was doing to listen. I soon had a stock of things I said automatically. Not having to think about what to say was useful during traumatic times.

Let me illustrate by describing typical situations I had with my active infant.

Brian was lucky to be born a thick-headed Irishman, for he was always bumping into things. When I heard his cry I repeated several times, "Oh, oh! Spaghetti-O!" Usually he giggled, so I knew he was fine. If he stopped to listen between sobs, I knew he needed some attention. By then, I was well on my way to him. Apparently knowing I was on my way, he calmed down. I kept him calm by talking until I was able to get to him.

Essentially, that is how I handled most of the times I was out of the room when Brian suddenly began crying. Sometimes I repeated this silly verse: Fe, fum, fo, fie / I hear a baby cry/ Even though he's a little guy / He's entitled to ask "Why?" I played on the last word, with "Why, Mommy? Huh? Why?"--or some such nonsense I knew I would want to spank him for saying in a few years. In this way I comforted Brian, letting him hear my voice as I got closer to him. At the same time, I was busy dramatizing the verse, leaving me no time to panic with he's-over-there-dying scenarios.

Often I was in the room when Brian rubbed his eyes tiredly and prepared to "request" attention. Then I used this equally silly verse: "Mommy, Mommy, hurry, please / I need kisses and a squeeze / I need cuddles--loving, too / Come before I say "Boo hoo"! (Sometimes silly doggerel is far better than great poetry.)

Again, my voice was sing-song, my expressions dramatic as I made my way over to him. My performance kept him occupied until I could reach him for a cuddle or change of the inevitable soaked diaper. If I were too late and he was already crying, he would cheer up when I sang the old worm song--"Nobody loves me; everybody hates me ./ Guess I'll go eat some worms...." Once he started eating bean sprouts I changed "worms" to "bean sprouts," figuring that, although they contain less protein, at least they are more appetizing.

Brian's first coughing spell really scared me. By then, however, I automatically shifted into rhyming whenever facing an uncertain situation with him. It worked. Neither of us panicked. Brian relaxed and was able to breathe better as a result, which allowed me time to drop the lapful of socks I was folding and get to him.

For a time, rhymes managed to keep Brian out of the plants. Within a short while, though, all they did was cause him to hesitate before trying to transplant them to the carpet.

Whether you use rhymes or just talk to your baby, the comforting, cherishing atmosphere created by your words and tone of voice will help both of you over some rough moments. The vocalizing is healthy for your baby, too, in that it includes what has been called "The Four R's" of infant stimulation: rhythm, reciprocity, repetition, and reinforcement.

While you are at it, get into the habit of singing to little Gail. Although talking is good, singing is better. It stimulates both sides of your daughter's brain at once, the melody rousing the right side and lyrics the left. In addition, even if you are not a fantastic singer, the music has the same quieting, loving qualities that talking does.

To illustrate, a few choruses of "Show Me the Way to Go Home," with the second verse modified to "How wet I am/...My Mommy knows/How wet I am..." kept Brian busy while I changed him. This was especially helpful when he showed his impatience by trying to sit up in a half-pinned diaper. The same song, in its original form, minimized his frustration over prolonged hiccups. It was a duet: I sang a line, then waited for his hiccup and the sparkly grin as I sang the next line.

Singing is a further aid when traveling. It engages the baby, who otherwise might be getting antsy because of tiredness or inability to see anything but a boring seat-back.

Then there is the lure. An amazing device, that. When Brian was lobster-crawling into the hearth bricks, I used it. Later, when he was zeroing in on the open front door, I used it. I was convinced that I'd continue to use it forever.

Lures come in all shapes, sizes, textures, densities, colors. Their primary attribute is that they are quickly grabable. The most effective ones are colorful, like the blouse lying on the bed, or light-reflecting, like the belt buckle. Equally good are scarves that float and telephones that make funny noises when left off the hook. At times, in desperation, I even called the dog so Brian would chase her and leave the newly discovered bathroom cabinet alone. What does not work, as Fate would have it, is the baby's own toys. Who wants the usual vanilla ice cream when he can have Cocopistashberry French Ice?

Be sure to play by the rules. Once April has followed the slithering belt away from the spilled diapers give it to her to play with awhile. Although she will soon lose interest, its purpose will have been served.

Proper clothing can also be of assistance in handling large and small dilemmas. During much of the first year, before little Pumpkin grows into Squash Gargantua, what he wears may very well determine how your day will go.

Most convenient are the one-piece rompers that snap to form pants legs. As Darrell is crawling toward your mother-in-law's birthday present that you just spent a careful hour wrapping, you can talk to distract him so he stops a moment, then grab the back of his rompers and swing him away gently. One snap may open, but the others will hold. You can adjust your grasp to balance him. Because he will enjoy the sensation of being lifted and swung around a little, he will forget the package long enough for you to move it to safety. Of course, such lifting would be dangerous for a new baby with a weak neck. But once he is crawling, his neck is fine. To be safe, though, lift him from the back rather than the front, so that the head droops forward, and never use jerking movements.

Thoughtful dressing can help you avoid minor difficulties, as well--those little occurrences that bother all mothers but, after a few repetitions, saps the energy of extra-challenged parents. First, decide how much tugging you are willing to put up with. If balancing the baby while pulling on his tee shirt is burdensome, use the kind that goes on like a jacket, snapping closed in front. Next, check the neck openings on outfits. Some have more play than others, notably the ones with two snaps at one shoulder, which tend to fit snugly. Actually, the easiest type to handle is the overalls that zip to the waist and snap down each leg.

You will come to appreciate those snaps. A British mother I met was ecstatic over American baby clothes, for, she said, it had been only recently that she could find snaps on them in England. She had suffered with two infants by removing the entire jumpsuit or pants for each diaper change.

If you have trouble with safety pins and want to use cloth diapers, consider Diaperaps. The diaper fits inside the cotton wrap, which fastens closed with Velcro. It also eliminates the need for plastic pants. Keep in mind the expense, however. Wraps get as wet and dirty as plastic pants, so you will need an equal number of either. Babies outgrow them like plastic pants, too; so plan to buy new ones as the baby grows. On other hand, wraps do last longer. The initial cost of the wraps, then, may be offset by a combination of their longer life and, more importantly, your increased ability to care for your child.

One of the most irksome activities for mothers centers on those cute little toes you carefully counted on Baby's arrival. Face it: shoes and socks do not want to stay on. Why bother with shoes? Until Aileen learns to walk, they are just decorative. After that, many pediatricians say, shoes are only for providing protection against injury and a flat surface to walk on. She does not even need ankle support. As Brian's pediatrician said, "Why strain the family budget buying shoes every few months?" To that I add, Why strain the nerves chasing after a lost shoe or tying shoestrings that are so small they had to have been made by snails?

Conversely, socks do serve a purpose. Your daughter's feet will get chilly. Warm them with those frilly anklets Aunt Edna gave you, but only when she visits or you are willing to forgo sanity for the sake of a cute appearance. Otherwise, use tube socks around the house. Little One will get more warmth, as tube socks cover more of her, and they stay on longer because there is no heel to shift. Besides, by the time she outgrows them they will look like anklets.

To keep control over other problems, train Gary. For example, once he can stand he will want to do so constantly, despite your wishes that he stay seated in the carriage or when snacking on a banana that could change the decor of your entire living room. By this time you should have established some ground rules, including when your son should be standing. If you stick to these rules, he will soon see the cracker in your hand and obey your "Sit down" before he grabs for it. Naturally, the nanosecond that the last crumb goes into the mouth he is on his feet again. But at least he has stayed in one place long enough to eat his snack safely. This carries over to other situations, such as in the carriage or when you need to know he will not waddle in front of your wheelchair while you pass.

Other practical commands are "Give me your hand" and "Let's stand up." These give you a better chance of his working with rather than against you when you try to lift him upright. Thus, your balance is not as precarious as it would be without his cooperation.

As your life together progresses, you will discover other commands that will fit your own particular needs. Start early, though, as soon as the baby is able to begin to respond. And enjoy that look of gleeful pride on his face when you tell him how good he is for helping.

Expect one command to lead only to mutual frustration the first couple of years. That is "No!" It is a harsh, jaw-tightening word that can make you feel bad, partly because you realize you do not have total power over your child, partly because you know you should not expect such power. Your child hears and may want to obey. However, he has no control over his impulses at this stage. Moreover, he cannot understand why Mommy is huffing and puffing and turning purple. This is not to say that "No!" should not be used. Introduce it, because you will need it soon. Just do not let the early results dishearten you.

Obviously, the best way to battle problems is to avoid their creation, through baby-proofing the house, closing doors behind us, and the like. Unfortunately, because we are not clairvoyants we cannot foresee all dangers. So we do what we can do and hope for the best. Why not be optimistic? After all, we made it this far in life.

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14-LARGER EMERGENCIES: WAR AND PEACE

Then there will be those situations you are sure you will not live through and, having survived them, wonder how you did.

One such situation may be handling a colicky baby. Know that you are not alone; it happens to one baby in five. Colic usually appears in the first two or three weeks, is episodic, and ends by around the fifth month. Not much is known about it because, since it is not life-threatening, it is seldom studied. This ignorance has led to a variety of speculations, from its being related to eating habits, to a theory that sleep patterns may have something to do with it. Superstitions have grown up around colic, too--that it is caused by breast-feeding or fresh air, and that the first-born child is sure to be colicky.

A good book on the subject is Crybabies: Coping with Colic: What to Do When Baby Won't Stop Crying, by Marc Weissbluth, M.D. He offers some sound advice that you should definitely consider:

  1. Remember that Baby is not really unhealthy. He will thrive and grow.

  2. You had nothing to do with the colic. Do not blame yourself.

  3. Be patient. It will not last forever.

  4. You can handle this problem.

Furthermore, Dr. Weissbluth warns parents to be careful not to over-stimulate the colicky infant. He points out our tendency to pat the child's back while rocking him and, at the same time, shaking a rattle at him in our futile attempts at quieting him. This may backfire, says the doctor, because extra stimulation may agitate the baby more. This is good news for us E.C.s, because we cannot handle too many simultaneous physical activities, anyway.

What is of utmost importance for us is to avoid letting the colic, which is a draining experience for any parent, frustrate us. We have enough frustrations to deal with already without needlessly adding to them.

Stomach flu is another common enemy for babies. Its symptoms, vomiting and diarrhea, are difficult enough for any parent to cope with. They can totally exhaust an extra-challenged mother unless she attacks the virus as quickly as it has attacked poor little Donald.

With proper care, the vomiting will usually last only two days. After the first occurrence, doctors say, give your son's stomach a rest by not putting anything into it. Wait an hour or two. Then offer, but do not force, small sips of liquid. Except for breast milk, avoid milk at this point. Do not give him orange juice, either, or even water, which does not contain the potassium and sodium which he needs while sick. Instead, give him solutions that are commercially prepared, such as Pedialyte, Lytren, or Infalyte. Unless the vomiting lasts more than a few days, Gatorade is fine, too. All of these can be found in grocery stores.

Then, say the doctors, gradually increase the amount of liquid given. Start with a couple of sips every fifteen minutes. If that stays down, try an ounce each time. In the event that he vomits again, start the process over, with sips. Otherwise, continue for twenty-four hours. The important thing is to avoid dehydration, which can easily occur in babies because of their small bodies.

Once he makes it through a full day without vomiting, start him on foods that will not irritate his stomach. Rice cereal, mixed with water or the solution you have been giving him, is good. If that does not cause a recurrence, add banana. This may be his only diet for two or three days, but it should do the trick.

Meanwhile, you should have been in contact with your son's pediatrician. He or she needs to know if the diarrhea is very bad, if the vomiting has lasted more than half a day, or if your infant has not responded to treatment.

No, it will not be an easy experience, but you can get through it by being prepared with the knowledge needed to fight the illness. Remember to get some extra rest in between bouts. Set yourself up with reading materials and the TV remote in a comfortable chair or on your bed, surrounded by all the items you will need to treat his symptoms, and have him lie beside you on waterproof pads. This set-up will not only be convenient, taking less of your energy, but comforting to both of you.

Get yourself emotionally ready for a second type of emergency, as soon as Sarah takes her first steps--falling. Just remember how much personal experience you have had along those lines. As an expert, you can manage it.

The trouble is, this is not yourself. No, this is your precious, fragile toddler. Some of those falls, you know, will involve bleeding. You can handle it.

All that work you have had trying to get used to talking with or singing to her is about to really pay off. Concentrate on soothing away her fears and you will find that you are calming yourself down, as well, giving you time to recall doctors' recommendations in this situation. Meantime, grab a diaper, piece of gauze, paper towel or anything else that is clean and apply it to the wound. If the cut is in a leg, arm, toe, or finger, elevate it, letting gravity help slow the bleeding. Maintain the elevation and pressure for up to fifteen minutes. Most bleeding will stop within that time. If it does not stop, or if the wound seems deep, call your doctor for instructions. Otherwise, bandage the cut.

Keeping that bandage on is as easy as shutting up a politician during an election year. It is not worth your effort. Instead, keep a bottle of hydrogen peroxide and some cotton balls in your supplies at your main diaper-changing station and clean the wound each time you change the baby. Use a bandage when she is outside, likely to get into dirt or have flies land on her. When a hand or finger is involved, cover the wound when you feed her. That way all you need to do is remove the cereal-covered bandage rather than trying to wash the goo off a sore finger.

One of the most fearsome emergencies is poisoning. We all know that we must guard against it; yet the most frequent victim of poisoning is the small child.

If you suspect that your baby has consumed something poisonous, do not think twice. Act now.

The first thing to do is to call the Poison Control Center or, if there is not one nearby, the emergency medical rescue squad. Be as specific as you possibly can about the item involved. Have it and its container available for medical personnel.

Have Syrup of Ipecac waiting, but do not give it to the infant until you are instructed to do so, because it may not be the appropriate treatment in this particular instance. Do not try to treat him on your own in other ways, either. This means that you should not try to follow directions on labels regarding how to neutralize poisons. Infants often require treatments that differ from those for adults. Keep yourself and your baby calm, and follow the instructions of the medical people you have contacted.

Choking is another frightening experience, for both you and your baby. Because a child does not grasp his throat like adults do, watch for his signs. He may cough violently, make high-pitched noises, or be unable to cry or breathe. His lips, skin, or nails may also turn blue. In extreme cases, he might fall unconscious.

Remember that the treatment procedure is different for an infant and for a child over one year old. For choking incidents during the first year, follow these steps:

  1. Sit down so you have maximum stability. If possible, sit where you can reach a table or other hard surface, in case you need to do Step Four below.

  2. Brace your forearm against part of your chair or body and lay the baby, face down and at a sixty-degree angle, over it. Be sure his neck and head are stabilized.

  3. Using the heal of your hand, hit the baby quickly, four times, between the shoulder blades. This should dislodge the obstruction.

  4. If he is still choking, turn him over and lay him on the nearby hard, flat surface. Use two fingers to give him four firm, quick pushes against his breastbone. This is similar to the external pushes against the heart that you see administered to heart attack victims on television.

  5. If he is still not breathing, open his mouth and tilt his chin backward. This will open up the air passage and allow you to look for the obstructing object. Do not just stick your fingers into his mouth and feel. It is safer for him if you look.

  6. Once you have checked the passageway and removed any obstruction, he should start breathing again. If he is not breathing, give him four breaths via mouth-to-mouth or mouth-to-mouth and nose.

  7. If the baby is still having trouble breathing, repeat the steps outlined above and call for emergency medical help. When you are not near a phone and are in a wheelchair, try to cross your legs or otherwise form a safe pocket to lay him face down while you wheel to the phone. If you are on crutches, sit on the floor, legs straight, and place him across your thighs while you scoot with your hands to the phone.

Since this is a lot to remember, plan ahead. Study and know these steps. Note that everything, blows and breaths, come in fours. Practice ahead of time. Your infant will think it is a game and enjoy the attention.

In fact, your best defense against emergencies is to be prepared. The less you have to worry about when something actually happens the better both of you will fare.

There are several general measures you can take right now. For one, arrange with a neighbor or friend who lives close to be available in case of emergency. Better still, make this arrangement with several people, in case the first person you call is not home. Program these people's numbers into the quick-dial of your phone. Then, hide a house key outside. There may be a time when you need assistance but are unable to get to the door to unlock it. Tell the friends who have agreed to help where that key is, and when you call them remind them of its location. Also, do not forget to inform police, paramedics, fire department, or whoever will be arriving where your hidden key is.

You should attend courses in first-aid, C.P.R., and the Heimlich Method of aiding choking victims. These are offered frequently by the Red Cross and local colleges at a very small fee, if any. The instructor will probably give you suggestions on how you can modify the procedure to make it useable for you yet still effective for your child. Even if you are not able to carry out all of what you have learned, you will have the ability to direct another, untrained person.

To make yourself feel more confident, keep a list of resource phone numbers near each telephone. Although one at each phone, if you have several, may seem excessive, we E.C.s take time to move, and that possibly lost time can make a big difference. The list should include obvious emergency numbers, such as fire, police, Poison Control Center, your child's pediatrician, your own doctor, and your spouse's work phone. Include other telephone numbers that can get you over tough or unsure times: Mental Health, La Leche League, Greyhound Bus station.... (Yes, that sweet bundle of smiles will get to you sometimes, and, knowing that Greyhound does make provision for disabled passengers, you might be tempted.)

Gather other helpful emergency materials and put them in an accessible spot. The telephone book is one such item. It contains several pages of basic first-aid and emergency information. This book is another. If little Raul has eaten a plant, he will be treated more quickly and effectively if you can tell the doctor the specific plant, which you can find in the Appendix of this book. Moreover, a first-aid chart posted in a visible spot will be an invaluable tool. Write to the Council on Family Health and ask for a copy of their free "Health Emergency Chart."

Put together a home first-aid kit. Have a bottle of Syrup of Ipecac and activated charcoal capsules for poisoning; cotton balls for cleaning wounds; hydrogen peroxide for antiseptic; tape and gauze for making bandages; and adhesive bandages in several sizes and shapes. Ask your pediatrician what is the recommended pain-reliever for infants, and include that in your kit. For a quick check on fever, you may want a plastic strip designed to measure temperature, but it is wise to have a rectal thermometer available, because it is more accurate.

Since many extra-challenged people find it difficult to handle the caps and awkward shape of some bottles, they prefer to stay away from them. Instead, they can avoid bottles of potentially harmful substances by keeping on hand some first-aid treatments that are not toxic. Items already found around the house will do nicely:

*Burned tongue: Place a drop of vanilla on it.

*Mosquito repellent: Keep some chamomile tea in the refrigerator and apply it to the skin with a cotton ball. Allow to dry.

*Insect bites: Remove the stinger by brushing it with a fingernail (tweezers often result in more poison going into the skin); wash the area with cool water; dab on apple cider vinegar.

*Sunburn: Apply vinegar.

*Splinters: Do not try to remove them, as you are likely to cause more irritation to the skin. Soak affected area in warm water. Keep it clean by washing and applying hydrogen peroxide.

*Inflammation: Smear it with the juice from an aloe leaf.

If you do not yet have an aloe plant, get one. It is easy to grow and has medicinal properties. (Just keep it out of reach of your child, because it could cause stomach pain if swallowed.) Do not be put off because Madison Avenue made a fad of everything from aloe face cream to aloe dog shampoo. In fact, avoid their products, since creams and gels have a short effective life, unlike the plant, which, happily growing on your porch, provides a constant fresh supply of what is needed. Simply cut off a leaf and peal back part of it to expose the juice. After you have applied the juice to the inflammation, cut, or burn (it is good for almost anything and not harmful unless you use it instead of obeying Doctor's orders), enclose the cut leaf in a piece of plastic wrap and put it into your refrigerator until it is needed for other applications, say, every few hours.

Maybe you will be one of the lucky parents who make it through the first year or so without a major mishap that requires stitches. Be aware that it will happen eventually. When it does happen and you settle your tiny tragic victim onto the emergency room table, you may be asked to leave while the stitches are being put in. Even if you are not asked to leave, it is a good idea.

It is a frightening experience for little people, but the doctor and nurse know what to do. They will make Rod at least as comfortable as you could, under the circumstances. When it is over, you rush in and "save" him from his terrible suffering. Thus, you have been spared the trauma of all the sympathy-gaining tricks babies seem to be born with, and you ride off together into the sunset to the security of your loving home.

Whatever you do, the main idea is to relieve your baby's pain and reassure him. He needs to know that you are there for him. Talk to him. Cuddle him. Do whatever you can to let him know you love him, short of putting him on your lap and doing "wheelies" in your wheelchair. You will be calm when he needs you most, because you are prepared physically, emotionally, and psychologically.

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15-A FEW MORE IDEAS: THE FIXER

Carriages

Ask people to search their parents' attics for an old-fashioned baby buggy. The older kind, with its larger wheels, is roomy and easy to push indoors and out, unlike the newer version that looks similar but is not as useful. There is a danger in this request, though. My father kept an eye out for such a buggy and almost brought me home one he saw at a garage sale in a small town near his favorite fishing spot. He changed his mind, though, figuring that I might not appreciate a buggy painted red, white, and blue. You may not be as lucky as I was.

You find the carriage and place tiny Eddy into it. Ooooo, you think. He seems lost in there. Try this: Cut a piece of foam rubber, about two inches thick, and tuck a small bath towel around it as a cover. Placed in the box of the carriage, it takes up a little room while adding some softness, and the towel is easily replaced by a clean one.

Reaching the brakes is a problem for some of us. Easily fixed. Rig and leave with the carriage a piece of broom handle with a blunt end for pushing on the brake and a loop of rubber, leather, or some other gripping material for pulling up to release the brake.

Shopping

Do not go out unless Megan is rested. She will be easier to deal with.

Arrive as the store opens and leave before noon, which is when the crowds get thick and pushy, making negotiating with a baby very hard.

As you pull into the parking lot, search for stranded shopping carts. Park close to one. Then go get it while keeping an eye on the baby. Place him and his carrier directly into the cart, thus avoiding having to deal with a stroller.

When taking Dale on a trip to buy clothes for yourself, be sure you know store policy on strollers in the fitting rooms. It is upsetting to spend an hour finding a pair of pants that will not make you look like Dumbo or a top that is large enough in the sleeves for your crutches yet too small for a 44DD bra, then discover you cannot try them on because you cannot bring the baby in with you.

Security

If there is not already a ceiling light in Baby's room, install one. A dimmer switch may be added. The advantages of such a light over that cute lamp shaped like a teddy bear are that there are no cords to trip over and one less object to fall from a shelf.

A bathtub is a large area for a small body. Once Dolores can sit up by herself, put her, in a laundry basket, into the tub and bathe her from there. The openings in the basket allow water to flow through, yet the small area confines her to a more manageable space.

Lay in a supply of baby gates. As mentioned earlier, avoid the ones with diamond-shaped openings, which are not safe because the sides can close on the baby's hands and the tops on their heads. (You should not find many of these, as they and similar items have been recalled. But beware of hand-me-downs.) Gates can be used in many parts of the house; however, they are hard for those of us with limited mobility to move from place to place. So, buy several. Otherwise, when you want to close a playful Drew into his room but still leave the door open, you can depend on the fact that the one gate you own is stretched across the kitchen entrance, at the other end of the house.

Mark each gate so you can tell at a glance which notch the latch should be put into. If you use a gate for more than one doorway, mark both grooves, in different colors. You may think you will remember which groove to use where, but you will forget in your haste to put a barrier between the freshly waxed floor and the Crawling Printmaker.

For those hot summer days when your child's top is covered only by a tee shirt--or nothing--he is hard to catch when in a full-throttle crawl. Have him wear a light, zippered harness, minus the "leash" strap, so you have something to grab hold of if necessary.

Arthur will get excited sitting in his portable seat in the restaurant and start jumping up and down, causing items on the table to react as though they were in an earthquake. Place a chair under his seat, then your purse in the space between that chair and his. In a booth, put the purse between the bench seat and the baby's. At some too-soon point, excitement will become the rule rather than the exception, at which time you should bring along a small, firm pillow to take up the space and save a smashed purse.

Put a rubber glove in the diaper bag. When you forget Tracy's portable seat and have to resort to using a restaurant's highchair, have her sit on the glove, which works as a temporary anti-skid device.

Cleaner Feeding

The old-fashioned feeding/play table is still around. Although many people do not like it because it is too low, it is the right height for a person in a sitting position to lift a baby in and out. Use this for non-messy foods in a room other than the kitchen. Or use it for some quiet, confined play once in awhile as the baby gets older.

Normally, you will clean, but not scrub, the highchair after meals, thinking that you will do a more complete job later. Sometimes, "later" does not come for weeks, when it dawns on you that nothing short of dynamite will get the dried mess off. Do not devote a day to cleaning it. Instead, comment to your spouse that the car is looking grungy and that he should take it to a self-service car wash. "Oh," you can add, "and while you're there, Dear, how about turning the high-pressure hose on the highchair?" He can use the steam-cleaner there, too, which, according to one of my friends, works great. However, we never tried it because of our uncertainty about how well the material on the highchair would hold up under the heat.

Once you start feeding Hungry One with a spoon, you will want to take his own along when you go out to eat. You can wrap it in a piece of plastic wrap, which will unwrap as soon as it snuggles up to your wallet in your purse. You can use a baggie and a twist-tie, since the flap of baggies never stay tucked in. You can use a zip-lock bag if you can handle the lock without your patience zipping off to Mars. Or you can use a toothbrush holder, which snaps closed easily to keep the spoon clean before the meal and your purse clean afterward.

The easiest, cleanest method of cooking is using a microwave oven. It can be dangerous, though, if not treated with respect. Remember that foods keep heating for a minute or so after the microwave stops running. People who forget that are risking severe burns to their children's mouths. That is why many baby food labels say not to heat the product in a microwave.

Use sound common sense. That is, allow the heated substance to stand a minute; then shake bottles of liquid and stir foods to be sure the heat is thoroughly mixed throughout. The last step is to test the liquid or food before giving it to the child.

Used properly, the microwave oven allows extra-challenged parents more freedom to provide for our children. Without help we can heat bottles of formula or milk or take the chill off of juice, because we do not have to deal with boiling water. We can fix Baby's cereal. We can also sterilize the bottles by putting two ounces of water into each bottle, turning the nipple inward, and letting the microwave bring the water to a boil, which creates the sterilizing steam.

Keeping Supplied

Check the car emergency kit periodically. Is it missing any of the necessary items? Has Erica outgrown the size of diaper in the kit? Have the teething biscuits crumbled into nothingness? Has the Syrup of Ipecac outlived its expiration date? Is the Poison Control Center telephone number blurred? You should be able to answer "no" to all these questions. This is one time that being negative is positive.

Look through the diaper bag periodically. You do not really want to use the car emergency kit unless you need to, particularly if you are inside a shopping mall and the car is parked in Row E (or was it Row H?). Be sure those small items, like extra pins, are there, preferably in a cosmetic bag so you do not have to fish for them while holding a wiggling, wet baby.

Check all diaper-changing stations in the house often. Be sure you are not running out of wipes or other supplies. Always have one extra canister of wipes stashed away so that when you run short in one station you do not steal from another, leaving you literally in a mess at that second station later.

Although babies grow at different rates, the diaper service has determined how long you will be sent newborn diapers before you receive regular. If you find damp cheeks peeking out at you from a too-small diaper, call the service at once so they can change your order.

Playtime

Find a shady place in your yard, away from plants that can be eaten. Fence it in, preferably with chain link fencing, because it is easy to install on a temporary basis, removes just as easily, and can be seen through. This provides a place for the baby, in all his nude glory, to frolic on the grass, get some fresh air, and ventilate his bottom. Add a couple of toys (although Nature provides all sorts of fascinating sights, textures, and sounds for him), and he has some safe fun. In the interim, you get an hour's vacation from wet diapers.

Those vinyl inflatable baby pools must have been invented for us. Once Matthew sits up by himself, he can crawl into and out of them while Mom sits on the grass or in her chair next to him. Unlike with the molded plastic pools, he can bounce on the sides and roll across on his tummy. Add a variety of floating, sinking, and bailing objects, and he is splash-happy with no effort from his relaxing lifeguard. When your Little Wader starts to learn how to drink from a cup, take away the bailing objects unless you want to spend all your time admonishing him not to drink the pool water. And, of course, keep a close eye on him at all times.

Noise Regulation

Do not keep an absolutely quiet house when Tamara is sleeping. It is too hard for you, especially in the winter, when braces and mobility devices tend to squeak. Moreover, it actually defeats its purpose. That is, babies tend to sleep better when there is some noise around. They particularly like rhythmic sounds, such as those from a ticking clock, music box, even the washer and vacuum cleaner. After all, she spent nine months listening to your heartbeat and the gurgling of stomach acid after you ate pizza. Besides, an infant who becomes used to too much quiet will be disturbed by the slightest of noises, which can be a problem.

Back-to-Sleep Times

Some babies do not settle back down quickly once they awaken for food or change during the night. To combat this, keep a heating pad in Ben's room. Place it in his crib while he is out of it so that the bedding does not get cold. Remove it before settling him back in. He will return to a warm, inviting bed and, as a result, you can return to yours.

Nail-Trimming

Finger and toe nails need to be kept trimmed, but even baby scissors made for that purpose are not totally safe. Also, they are hard to handle. Instead, use an emery board. The fine side works well on tender nails.

Thumb-sucking

Do not worry about it. Most babies do it as a means of getting into contact with their environment. Many dentists are currently saying that there is no problem as long as the child stops by the time his permanent teeth start to come in, around age four. Naturally, pediatricians and parents prefer an earlier stopping time.

Pacifiers

Nothing of such insignificance has caused more argument in our society. Without much effort, a discussion of the merits and dangers of pacifiers could start World War III. Do not get involved. Most dentists say the same thing about the pacifier as they do about thumb-sucking. So, if it makes life easier and happier for you and your family, let your baby have one. Actually, if you need one, write me. I bought or was given a dozen of them, and Brian always spit them out with a grim look that said, "You can't fool me. That's not the real thing!"

Dental Care

Until Sharon can begin to care for her own teeth (about age three), you need to do it for her, because decay and other problems in her first teeth can be transmitted to her adult teeth. As a matter of fact, around ninety percent of all American children are affected by dental disease, which is one of our country's leading health problems.

Three or four times a day clean her gums and teeth by wiping them with a clean, damp washcloth or gauze pad. Make the times convenient for you, such as while you are wiping lunch off of her or bathing her. Keep some gauze pads in with your supplies at changing stations that are near water, and remember to dampen one before settling down to the changing process. Or keep some pads by the kitchen and bathroom sinks to remind yourself.

Do not let your infant fall asleep with a bottle of juice, formula, milk, or anything else but plain water. To do so, especially on a steady basis, is tempting Mr. Tooth Decay and his unpleasant friends to attack.

Do not dip a pacifier in honey, juice, or sugar as a treat. This, too, invites decay.

Products to Consider

Wherever we turn there are marketers trying to sell us convenience items. Some of their products make more sense than others, but many are worthwhile investigating. Below are descriptions of a few, just to give you an idea of what is available. Ask for them at your local baby store, department store, or diaper service.

Shoulder restraint for use while changing diapers: Easily attaches to any changing pad. Keeps baby or toddler from rolling off during changing.

Roll-up changing mat: Lightweight and easy to store at each of your changing stations and to have in the diaper bag. Has a non-slip surface and is made of easy-clean water-resistant material.

Splash guard: Keeps water out of eyes and ears during shampooing.

Shopping cart cover: Soft pad that covers all metal parts of a shopping cart's child-seat area to prevent touching or sucking on parts of the cart.

Battery-operated nail trimmer: Trims nails using oscillating action. Specially designed for gently trimming baby nails.

Safety harness: Use in the shopping cart to keep Bobbie from standing up or falling out.

American Red Cross First-Aid Kit for the car: Basic first-aid instructions are printed on the inside of the case. Each item is individually wrapped and labeled according to its use (bleeding, burns, medium cuts and scrapes). Includes a blanket for shock and many other items needed for first-aid, excluding anything that might deteriorate, such as salves. All items are bundled into a soft cushion that can be used as a pillow.

Nursery monitor: Placed in Baby Katie's room, it allows you to hear anything that is going on without your transmitting sounds of your own. You can carry around the receiver, if you wish. Works inside or outside (range varies with models).

2-way nursery monitor: If you would rather have two-way conversations, intercom systems are available.

Visual monitor: Then there are the mini-cameras, AKA "nanny-cams," which are tiny and can be placed on a shelf in your infant's room. Watch your child from another room.

Inflatable bath toys: Inflatable ducks and fish made of terry cloth over vinyl, so they serve as washcloths as well as toys.

Digital bath thermometer: A duck that floats in the bath water. When the water is the proper temperature for little Kelly, the animal changes colors or an alarm sounds (depending on brand).

Infa Feeder: This strained food nursing bottle is designed for eating outside the home. A vacuum disc keeps the food flowing.

Door Alarm: Attach this to any door you do not want Gino o open. Sensitive to motion, an alarm goes off when he pushes on the door.

Keyless lock: Instead of hiding that house key, get one of these, punch in a security code, and you are all set. You may need an automatic garage door opener with it, but most brands of keyless locks work with any brand of opener.

Rear-view mirror/backseat monitor mirror. A twin mirror lets you keep an eye on Heidi in her car seat and the traffic behind you at the same time. Clips onto a visor so you can see into the back seat.

And So It Goes....

A tour through any department store will reveal many more products aimed at Baby's safety, Mother's convenience, and the family's pocketbook. Pick and choose carefully, with your physical limitations in mind, and they can make your life easier. Laugh at the ones that turn out to be a disaster--then palm them off to someone else at a garage sale.

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16-A FINAL WORD: LOOK HOMEWARD, ANGEL

Feel better? I hope so.

That first year or two will be wonderful.

Well, not every single moment, perhaps. But the important thing is that you will be in control. Because you are prepared and confident, you will handle each situation as it arises, even those that dear Aunt Edna cluck-clucks that you should not attempt. Yes, you are ready.

You will survive feedings and diapers and colic and a messy house and people's stares in grocery stores. I am living proof.

Your baby will survive wet diapers and tripping over your crutches and dog-tasted Cheerios and your bad singing voice. Brian is proof.

And, somehow, your spouse will live through it all, despite your impatience with yourself. But, says my husband, "I'm used to that."

Most of all, though, your family will experience that special closeness that is innocently expressed when a loved, well-cared-for baby smiles into his parents' eyes.

Enjoy!

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APPENDIX

COMMON POISONOUS HOUSEHOLD SUBSTANCES

Aerosols

After-Shave Lotion

Alcohol

Ammonia

Antifreeze

Antiseptics

Aspirin

Automotive Products

Bath Oils

Benzene

Bleaches

Boric Acid

Brass Cleaner

Bubble Bath

Camphophenique

Carbon Tetrachloride

Cigarettes

Cold Medications

Cleaning Fluid

Clinitest Tablets

Cologne

Copper Cleaner

Corn and Wart Remover

Cuticle Remover, Conditioner

Dandruff Shampoo

Disinfectant

Drain Cleaner

Drugs

Epoxy Glue

Eye Make-up

Fertilizers

Furniture Polish, Oil

Garden Sprays

Gasoline

Gun Cleaners

Hair Dyes and Tints

Insecticides

Iodine

Iron (tablets or liquid)

Kerosene

Lighter Fluid

Liniment

Liquor

Lye and Other Caustics

Mace

Model Cement

Nail Polish

Nail Polish Remover

Nail Glue (for repair or false nails)

Narcotics

Oven Cleaner

Pain Killers

Paint (liquid or dry flakes)

Paint Thinner or Remover

Perfume

Permanent Wave Solutions

Pesticides

Petroleum Products or Distillates

Pine Oil

Plant Food

Plants (parts of many—see below)

Rat and Mouse Killers

Rubbing Alcohol

Silver Polish

Strychnine

Tobacco

Tranquilizers

Toilet Bowl Cleaner

Vitamins

Weed Killer

Window-Washing Solution

POISONOUS PARTS OF COMMON PLANTS

Note: Look under the name or names you know the plant by. Because a plant may be called by many different common names, you may find it listed more than once. Remember that this is only a list of the plants most often used in and around the house or those found on a picnic. It is far from complete. Consult your local Poison Control Center for further information.

House and Garden Plants

Name of Plan----Parts that are Toxic

American Plum----Bark, leaves, stems, seed pods

Apple----Seeds

Apricot----Bark, leaves, stems, pits

Autum Crocus----All

Azalea----All

Bird-of-Paradise----Green seed pods

Black Locust----Bark, foliage, sprouts, seeds

Bunchberry----All, especially the green berries

Caladium----All, especially leaves and roots

Caster-Oil Plant----Seeds

Castor Bean----Seeds

Ceriman----All

Cherry----Twigs, leaves, seeds

Choke Cherry----Bark, leaves, stems, seed pits

Christmas Rose----All

Crowfoot----All, especially the seeds

Daffodil----All, especially the bulb

Daphne----All, especially berries, bark, and leaves

Dasheen----All

Delphinium----All, especially the seeds

Dieffenbachia----All

Dumbcane (Dumb Cane)----All

Elderberry----All, especially the roots

Elephant Ear----All

English Ivy----All

Foxglove----Seeds, leaves, flowers

Golden Chain----Capsules which hold the seeds

Hens-and-Chicks----All, especially the green berries

Holly----Leaves, berries

Hyacinth----Bulb; flowers and leaves when eaten

Hydrangea----Buds, leaves

Iris----Rootstalk or rhizome

Japanese Yew----Leaves, seeds

Jequirity Bean----Seeds

Jerusalem Cherry----All

Jonquil----All, especially the bulb

Lantana----All, especially the green berries

Larkspur----All, especially the seeds

Lilly-of-the-Valley----All

Mistletoe----Berries

Monkshood----All

Morning Glory----Seeds

Mother-in-Law----Leaves

Narcissus----All, especially the bulb

Natal Cherry----All

Oak----Acorns, foliage

Oleander----All, especially the stems, leaves, and flowers

Peach----Twigs, leaves, seeds

Poinciana----Green seed pods

Potato----All green parts and sprouts

Privet----Berries, leaves

Red Sage----All, especially the green berries

Rhododendron----All

Rhubarb----Leaf blade

Rosary Pea----Seeds

Sweet Pea----Seed (pea)

Tomato----Green parts

Waxed-Leaf Ligustrum----Leaves, berries

Western Azalea----All

Wild Plum----Bark, leaves, stems, seed pits

Wild Sage----All, especially the green berries

Wisteria----Seeds, pods

Yellow Jessamine----Berries

Yew----All, especially the fruit (fleshy red pulp)

Wild Plants

Name of Plan----Parts that are Toxic

Amanita (mushroom)----All

Angel's Trumpet----Seeds, flowers, leaves, nectar

American Ivy----Leaves, berries

Baneberry----All

Buttercup----All

Carolina Jessamine----All

Cowbane----All, especially the roots and rootstalk

Cowslip----All

European Bittersweet----Leaves, berries

False Parsley----All

Fly Agaric----All

Fool's Parsley----All

Ground Lemon----Rootstalk, leaves, stems, green fruit

Inkberry----All, especially leaves, green berries, roots

Indian Turnip----Leaves

Jack-in-the-Pulpit----All, especially leaves

Jamestown Weed----Seeds, flowers, leaves, nectar

Jimson Weed----All

Locoweed----Seeds, flowers, leaves, nectar

Marsh Marigold----All

Mayapple----Rootstalk, leaves, stems, green fruit

Moonflower----Seeds, flowers, leaves, nectar

Moonseed----Berries

Nightshade (all types)----All

Poison Hemlock----All

Poison Ivy----All

Poison Oak----All

Poison Parsnip----Root, rootstalk

Poison Sumac----All

Pokeroot----All, especially leaves, roots, green berries

Poke Salad----All, especially leaves, roots, green berries

Pokeweed----All, especially leaves, roots, green berries

Skunk Cabbage----Leaves, rhizomes

Virginia Creeper----Leaves, berries

Water Hemlock----All, especially roots and rootstalk

White Locust----sprouts, seeds, foliage, bark
