

## Dissident

### Bellator Saga, #1

### Cecilia London

© 2015, Cecilia London  
authorcecilialondon@gmail.com

This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, businesses, places, events and incidents are either the products of the author's imagination or used in a fictitious manner. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, or actual events is purely coincidental.

ALL RIGHTS RESERVED. This book contains material protected under International and Federal Copyright Laws and Treaties. Any unauthorized reprint or use of this material is prohibited. No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, or by any information storage and retrieval system without express written permission from the author / publisher, with the exception of excerpts for reviews and blog postings.

# Table of Contents

Prologue

Chapter One

Chapter Two

Chapter Three

Chapter Four

Chapter Five

Chapter Six

Chapter Seven

Chapter Eight

Chapter Nine

Chapter Ten

Chapter Eleven

Chapter Twelve

Chapter Thirteen

Chapter Fourteen

Chapter Fifteen

Chapter Sixteen

Chapter Seventeen

Chapter Eighteen

Chapter Nineteen

Chapter Twenty

Chapter Twenty-One

Chapter Twenty-Two

Chapter Twenty-Three

End of Part One

For he commands his angels with regard to you

To guard you wherever you go.

Psalms 91:11 (New American Bible, Revised Edition)

# Prologue

They had been dragging themselves through the woods for hours, with him holding the flashlight and leading the way, and her faltering through the ice and snow trying to keep his pace. They moved slowly, their injuries hindering their flight. The forest was thick and foreboding and the biting winter wind whistled through the branches in the trees, cutting them to the core. They listened for the sound of flowing water in the hope that the Allegheny River was no longer frozen over and they could follow it up to New York.

They knew their odds were long but held out faith that despite the blustering wind and bitter cold, they could somehow find a way to Buffalo. The Canadian border. Their last, best chance at safety.

The flashlight began to flicker and the man knew that the batteries would only last them so much longer. It had been snowing earlier in the night, but the clouds had been carried away by the wind and the flashlight was supplemented by the glow of the winter moon. He turned the flashlight off and his wife tumbled into him.

" _Jack, why did you do that?" It was hard for her to stay upright without her momentum to keep her going, and even harder to follow him without the artificial light._

" _The flashlight's getting low and the moon is relatively bright. We should conserve the batteries. Do you need to rest?" he asked, knowing the answer was yes._

" _No," she lied. "Let's keep going."_

He put the flashlight in his coat pocket, feeling it bump up against the gun he had concealed there. He put his arm around her waist and hoisted her up.

" _Let's go," he said, as he kept his arm around her to steady her as she walked._

Their pace continued to slow until they were hardly moving at all. He could see her grimacing with every step, could hear her labored breathing, and he knew that she was much more seriously injured than she was letting on. Although he himself was in pain he did his best to keep them both going. His ankle was sprained and the weight of two people upon it was almost too much for him to bear. But they couldn't stop.

He saw a clearing up ahead and knew they were nearing a road. But that wasn't what they wanted. Roads meant people and people meant danger. Almost no one could be trusted. The soldiers who had run their car off the road were biding their time, waiting, until the moment was right to come after them again.

The two of them weren't about to make themselves easy prey by following a path trod by others. Their footsteps were not hard to trace because of the snow, but it was better than being out in the open. No, the river was their best bet, their least dangerous path north.

He turned sharply and started to steer them both away from the road, as close to a westerly direction as he could manage. He was a suburban Philly boy and could only depend on his poor instincts to guide him.

" _What are you doing?" she asked._

" _We need to find the river, Caroline. There's a road up ahead and we have to avoid it."_

The woods grew hilly and she began to struggle. He was practically carrying her as they made their way up an incline and he knew he wouldn't be able to support her much longer. Suddenly she broke free of him and lurched into a nearby tree, sinking to the ground.

She pulled off her earmuffs and loosened her scarf with difficulty, her back to the tree. He could tell she was in tremendous pain and knelt down in the snow beside her.

" _Sweetheart, we have to keep going," he said._

Her face was windswept and her eyes were red. She was sweating in spite of the cold and he could practically hear her heart beating out of her chest.

" _Jack, I can't do this. I'm too tired. I can't breathe."_

" _Yes, you can. We can keep going. I'll help."_

" _You can't help. You can barely walk while you're lugging me along." She began to cry._

He wiped away some of her tears with his gloved hand. "We'll stop for a minute, all right? Then we'll start again."

She closed her eyes and tried to breathe. The tears coursed silently down her face. He let her rest, hoping that she would then tell him they could move on even though they really had no time to waste. She opened her eyes a few moments later and looked at him. His breath caught in his throat. Her brown eyes, which had once been so warm, confident, and loving, were now laced with a fear he'd never seen before.

" _You have to go," she said. "Now."_

"We _have to go," he corrected her._

" _No. You."_

" _No." He looked at her incredulously. "_ We _."_

" _You have to go, Jack. It's the only way."_

His mind started racing. He couldn't wrap his head around what she was suggesting.

" _No. I'm not leaving you here."_

She closed her eyes again. The wetness on her face was beginning to freeze in place. Her voice broke.

" _Tell my girls how much I love them." She stifled a sob. "Tell them I'm sorry."_

_Her children._ Their _children. Who were hopefully already in Canada._

" _This is absurd, Caroline. I'm not leaving you here alone. Are you insane? We're wasting time."_

" _You can move ten times faster without me. You know I'm right."_

Hot, angry tears pricked his eyes. "I'm not leaving you, sweetheart. There has to be another way."

" _This is the only way and you know it." She took her left glove off and traced his lips with her bare fingers. "My darling. My Monty. I love you so."_

He kissed her fingers and wrapped them in his, trying to warm them. "I'm not leaving you," he repeated.

Her voice was weak, but firm. "This is bigger than us. You have to go. Get to Canada. Share that information. Stop Santos. Don't let all our sacrifices be for nothing."

" _I love you." He took off his gloves and began to caress her face with his bare hands. "I'm not leaving you."_

" _Listen to me. You are going to go. You are going to get to Canada. You are going to get this flash drive to people who can do something with it. Please, Jack. Please do this for me."_

He was adamant. "I am not leaving you here!"

" _You are. You need to go. They will find us soon and they'll find us even sooner if we're moving together." She tried to straighten up, using the tree for support. "If you don't leave, I swear to God I will never forgive you. I mean it. There is no point in both of us getting captured or worse. Please. Do this for me."_

He kissed her forehead, still cradling her face in his hands, and the tears in his eyes spilled over. "Don't make me do this. I can't. I won't leave you."

" _Go," she whispered. "Go before they catch up with us."_

She removed the glove from her right hand and began to slip her wedding rings off her left ring finger. Her large diamond and sapphire engagement ring glistened in the moonlight. She'd thought it was gaudy when he'd first given it to her, and the media had loved speculating about how much it must have cost. But she'd grown accustomed to it. Aside from its sentimental value, it was now almost worthless in the fragile American economy.

She fumbled through the simple task, her hands numbed by the cold. She placed the rings in Jack's hand and wiped the tears from his face. He searched her eyes for an explanation.

" _They're no good to me out here," she said. "Take them. They belong to you. I don't want those bastards to have them." She closed her eyes and began to nod off._

Jack grabbed her chin, desperate to keep her awake. "Stay with me, Caroline. We can do this."

" _Go now." Her voice was fading. "Be safe. Be strong."_

Jack brought his lips to hers and kissed her hard, wanting it to last, wanting to breathe life into her, to give her the strength to keep going. He gripped her rings tightly in his fist. The prongs from the engagement ring were prodding into his ice cold palm, but he was oblivious to the pain they caused. He didn't want to break the connection between them. Caroline brought her hands up to his stocking cap, drew it off, and ran her fingers through his hair. He pulled back, his lips close to hers.

They heard a rustling in the distance and Jack turned his head, not sure of what he would find. He half hoped that a deer would come gliding through the trees but he knew that would be too good to be true. Their luck had run out too many times. Caroline squeezed his hand, the one with the rings in it.

" _Go, Jack. They're coming. Go."_

He pressed his lips to hers again, a long, frantic kiss. She pushed him away and reached into her coat pocket, pulling out her Glock and an extra magazine. "Take these. You might need them."

Jack dropped the rings into one of the interior pockets of his coat, and heard them clink against the box containing the flash drive he was hiding. He put the gun and magazine in his outer coat pocket and leaned down to kiss her cheek. She very clumsily put his stocking cap back on his head and stroked his face, wiping away the wetness there.

" _I will always be with you," she whispered, so softly he could barely hear her._

He took in a sharp, painful breath and put his gloves back on. The night air was freezing. "I will come back for you, Caroline. Understand? I promise I will come back. I'm not giving up. I will find someone we can trust and I will come back."

She smiled and closed her eyes.

He heard the rustling getting closer. There was almost no way that noise was an animal. And he knew he had only one choice.

He ran.

#  Chapter One

The young officer was nervous. His troops had behaved poorly and now he had to provide answers to the chain of command. He strode into a hospital conference room, where two doctors in white coats were sitting at a long table.

"Lieutenant Christopher Mitchell, Army Intelligence and Security Command," he said, taking a chair opposite them.

Both doctors nodded in his direction. They didn't seem all that enthusiastic to see him.

"Can you give me an idea of the prisoner's condition?" he inquired.

The older gentleman spoke first. "Dr. William Livingston, lead medical officer. Concussion, numerous contusions, some cuts, broken nose, fractured cheekbones. Probably some cracked or fractured ribs. A minor bullet wound that appeared to be a couple of days old." He paused. "To use the jargon I'm sure you and your troops are most familiar with, they beat the shit out of her. It's incredible she didn't suffer a traumatic brain injury or some other significant, permanent damage. If they'd done much more they probably would have killed her."

Mitchell grimaced. He'd been afraid of that. He was going to catch it for splitting up his men but he sincerely believed he could trust the sergeant leading the small cadre of soldiers that had captured her. But these men, these new recruits, they were unlike anything he'd seen before. The standards for enlisting in the armed forces had declined over the last year or so, and now the government seemed intent on recruiting the most violent, sociopathic combatants possible. It made giving orders and expecting them to be followed extremely difficult. He was barely out of ROTC and he already felt as if he'd made a huge mistake in not resigning his commission and repaying the government for the cost of his bachelor's degree.

But that would have marked him. And no one wanted that.

"What's her prognosis?" he asked.

"We have her heavily sedated while she heals. Her brain activity is strong. We do not believe there will be any permanent neurological damage, but we can't say anything for certain." The older man paused again. "We intend to provide her with the highest level of care, no matter what your superior officers say. Right now that means keeping her sedated and comfortable until she recovers a little."

Mitchell didn't realize that someone else had given the doctors instructions with regard to how to treat the patients in their hospital. That wasn't the way it was supposed to be. But nothing was the way it was supposed to be anymore.

"The government is eager to transfer her to a holding facility," he said.

The female doctor spoke up. "Dr. Maureen Savage, internal medicine. That will have to wait. She's in no condition to be moved. It will be a few days, if not longer."

"She is wanted for questioning."

Savage looked at him as if he was boring her. "We understand that. But the human body heals on its own timeline. If you want anything useful from her, you'll have to wait. She'll be sedated and allowed to rest for at least the next few days. If her condition changes, you'll be the first to know." She glared at him. "If you really wanted her in the best shape for interrogation, perhaps you should have given your soldiers clearer instructions on how to properly arrest rather than seriously injure."

Mitchell let that comment slide. He had no good response for her. She was right. He stood up and walked toward the door. The doctors were stonewalling him. He couldn't blame them; they'd entered government work because they actually believed that they were doing something for the greater good. And now they, like him, were starting to question everything that meant. But they very well couldn't leave and they all knew it.

"Please let me know if anything changes." Mitchell turned to face them as he crossed the room. It seemed almost rude for him to care about her wellbeing. But he did. That was probably because once he transferred her to the federal holding facility, she was no longer his problem. He wouldn't even have to think about what they'd do to her once she arrived.

He'd heard stories, but nothing concrete. And he was still too low on the food chain to be privy to any major state secrets. But he knew what happened to people who were sent there. They went in, and they didn't come out.

"Is she cognizant of anything that's going on?" he asked.

"Probably not," Savage said. "That's why we gave her the drugs. If you want her to recover well enough for you to be able to speak with her, you're going to want her unaware of her surroundings for now."

"Thank you," Mitchell said, and walked out the door.

* * * * *

Savage turned to Livingston after Mitchell had left. "I thought we doped her up pretty well. I'd prefer she be in a nice little state of dreamland for the time being. She doesn't know what's going on, does she?"

Livingston rubbed his temples. "I find that highly unlikely. We probably gave her more than we should. I thought-"

He stopped and looked around, listening, making sure they were still the only two people in the area. "I thought it was best for her. I can't even imagine what they have in store for her once she's well enough to be transferred."

Dr. Savage turned to the wall, hugging herself. "What the hell is going on in this country right now, Bill? California has seceded. Congress is a shambles. Who knows what's going to happen to us. And I never would have thought that the American military would treat a former-"

Bill heard footsteps coming down the hall and put his finger to his lips, shaking his head. Maureen nodded back at him.

"It's probably time to get back to work," she said loudly.

"Indeed," Dr. Livingston agreed. He lowered his voice. "Make sure she's safe, Maureen. We have so little control over anything anymore, and neither does she. We may as well protect her for as long as we can. Let's give her that."

# Chapter Two

**Caroline**

More than five years earlier, New Year's Eve

"I can't believe I have to wear this terrible piece of clothing," Caroline said, pulling up the sleeves on a sweater that was three sizes too big for her.

Tom Sullivan looked pleased with himself. "You make fun of the sweater, you wear the sweater the next year. You know the rule."

"I didn't make fun of it last year."

"'That thing looks like Picasso vomited on a Monet then sewed a bunch of random Jo-Ann Fabric patterns on it,'" he quoted.

"That wasn't a joke. It was the truth," she groused.

Tom laughed. "Chrissy loves it as much as you do."

Caroline's daughter Marguerite came bounding into the room, grabbing a handful of Cheetos from one of the bowls on the snack table. "Wow, mom. That sweater sucks."

The blunt wisdom of a far too mature ten year old who spent way too much time repeating her mother's colorful language. "Thanks, Mo. Where's Sophie?"

Marguerite shoved the Cheetos into her mouth. "I don't know. Jess said she was going to make her a whiskey sour."

"Jess was kidding."

"So you say."

"So I know." Caroline looked at her watch. "It's almost time for you two to go to bed."

Marguerite's face fell. "Just a little bit longer? Please?"

It had been hard not to indulge them during the past year, and Caroline's resolve broke easily. "Eleven. That's it."

"No midnight?"

"No midnight. Pretend you live in Nova Scotia and it's already the New Year by then. Go hang out with your sister for a while."

"Okay." Marguerite skipped away.

Tom, who had witnessed the exchange, grinned. "It's those moments that make you hope she's not going to go to law school, right? She barely pushed that one at all."

Caroline laughed. Her loyalty to Notre Dame Law School was one of the reasons Tom liked her so much.

"Between the two of us and our disturbing passion for Our Lady's university, it might be damn near impossible to keep her away from South Bend." She looked over his shoulder and saw a late arrival she hadn't noticed before. "You invited Bob?"

Tom kept grinning. "What with Christine considering moving up to the Senate next term, she figured it wouldn't hurt to have the Speaker of the House here."

An interesting choice. Christine Sullivan and Robert Allen didn't exactly get along all the time. Caroline barely contained her surprise. "Breaking her own 'no Washington people, except for Caroline and her family' rule?"

"Apparently so."

"That woman will do anything for an endorsement."

"Would you endorse her?"

"If she wants me to. You know how much I love bridging the partisan divide." She looked down at her now-empty glass. "Do you think John McIntyre will show up?"

Tom's grin disappeared as he took the glass from her. "I have no idea. Chrissy only met him once during the election and I'm not sure he was very enamored with her. But maybe." The smile returned. "I know you wanted him to come."

"Well, it's not that I want him to come, I just...." She wasn't exactly sure what she wanted anymore.

Caroline had suffered through a pretty terrible year and was eager for it to be over. She had first been elected to Congress four years prior, riding a wave of anti-incumbent fervor that many people hoped would invigorate the country and get people more engaged in the process. Which, peculiarly enough, the pundits seemed to say every two years. She ran as a moderate to liberal Democrat in a solidly blue district in the Maryland suburbs outside the District of Columbia, and voters responded to her earnest style and quirky sense of humor.

She was a decent looking woman in her mid-thirties with brown eyes, auburn hair, and a relatively okay figure that required constant exercise because of two pregnancies and her weakness for all sorts of yummy foods (particularly deep dish pizza and chocolate). But her personality and charm coupled with her professional background made her an appealing upstart candidate. Her husband Nick hadn't been all that thrilled about her blossoming political career, but she'd dedicated her life to public service and he knew that one day she'd want to make the leap.

Her first three years in office solidified her as a reasonable politician who could be counted on to reflect the common sense of the people of her district, if not the rest of the country. She didn't take radical positions, listened to the other side, introduced bipartisan legislation, formed coalitions, and never disrespected her colleagues. That was probably why she'd collected a small but diverse group of friends in the House from both parties, including Tom's wife Christine, a woman most would describe as a tough but open-minded Catholic conservative.

Tom and Caroline hit it off at a House Freshman mixer after she noticed the Notre Dame Monogram Club pin he'd been wearing. He'd played linebacker for the Irish then gone on to medical school at UPenn where he met Christine. Caroline always joked that he was the best man she knew aside from Nicky because he'd overcome the odds and put his feelings aside to marry a Wolverine who bled maize and blue.

Tom and Nicky connected over their love of beer and other random rural Midwestern guy things, and Caroline was glad that Christine, who was frosty at first, finally warmed up to her. She was still fairly certain that Chrissy thought she'd been flirting with Tom before she came over to join the conversation with them the night they met. This was despite the fact that Nicky was standing next to the two of them the entire time. Christine was naturally suspicious.

But over the past year it had all fallen apart. Nicky was killed in an accident in late January. He was on his way to a meeting in Baltimore when he lost control of his car on some black ice on I-95. Caroline pleaded with him to take the commuter train that morning but he hated abiding by someone else's schedule. Their daughters took it extremely hard. They'd been close to their daddy. Caroline needed two Clonazepam to get through the funeral. It had not been pretty.

Tom and Christine had been wonderful friends and confidants, keeping her from tumbling over the edge. Christine sublet her Capitol Hill apartment and moved in with Caroline and the girls, despite the often painful commute from Rockville to downtown D.C. Tom had driven down for every daddy/daughter event at school so that Marguerite and Sophie could still try to enjoy them. The Sullivans were Caroline's rock, her anchor, her surrogate family. And they knew how much that meant to her.

She had been drifting in a sea of anger and despair for most of the year, clinging to whatever she could in order to continue to function and take care of her girls. She'd seriously considered resigning her seat and going back to work as a federal prosecutor but she knew that would mean less money and much less flexibility.

It was also highly unlikely that a change in employment would help her emerge from her emotional quagmire. She battled on, her bitterness fueling her. Her tone sharpened and her desire for compromise seemed less important. Shockingly, the Democratic nominee, now the President-elect, made her the keynote speaker at that year's convention anyway.

She gave what political commentators described as a glorious, career-altering performance, but she didn't remember a word of it. It was stuck in the back of her mind, filed away. She could retrieve it if she wanted to, but she still hadn't. Her chief of staff Jen told her later that she hadn't used the teleprompter at all, that she'd changed the course of her speech several times without missing a beat. Her press secretary and speechwriter Kathleen jokingly threatened to quit, saying it was obvious she was no longer needed.

Caroline still couldn't figure out how she'd done it and had no desire to ever watch it. The memory of her daughters walking on stage to join her afterward without Nicky was too much to bear. He would have loved to revel in that moment with them, despite his disdain for politics. And the positive vibe that surrounded her after the speech did nothing but make her more unhappy.

So when candidates started asking the keynote speaker for an endorsement after the convention, they got it. Caroline would stand up next to them in gyms or union halls, and say horrible, awful things about their opponents. She'd only done it a few times before Christine took her aside and talked some sense into her, telling her that she was destroying herself by behaving so incredibly out of character.

There was one endorsement she regretted the most – her criticism of Representative-elect John McIntyre. A former Villanova basketball player and Wharton MBA who'd made himself extraordinarily wealthy through a series of land deals, corporate investments, hostile takeovers, and startups, he'd run for Congress in the suburban Philadelphia district adjoining Christine's. His Democratic opponent was a complete ass, but Caroline didn't discover that until after she had stood up and given the jerk her support in front of a packed American Legion post. McIntyre won narrowly, no thanks to her behavior, which had probably done more damage to his campaign than anything else.

Caroline had begged Christine to invite him to her New Year's party. She didn't want to apologize on the floor of the House. She wanted to do it in person, in an informal setting. Maybe that made her a coward, since forcing him to come to the Sullivans' house was probably far more intimidating to him than the marble floors of the U.S. Capitol. But Caroline wanted to make it right. It had taken a lot of effort; Christine's New Year's party was not intended for political players. She didn't even invite her own staffers. Caroline and Nicky received yearly invites only because they were practically family.

Caroline and her daughters had readily accepted Christine's invitation to spend the holidays with them that year in the Sullivans' sprawling home in Bryn Mawr. Like Christine, Caroline was an only child, and both of her parents were dead. She dreaded the prospect of the three of them spending Christmas in Rockville alone and was grateful that Tom and Christine had made them feel so welcome. Tom's extended family was large and rather boisterous.

Christine was a bit older than her and gave birth to her first child relatively young, while she was still in medical school. Her oldest daughter, Susannah, a corporate attorney, was therefore only about ten years younger than Caroline. Christine's younger daughter, Jessica, was in her senior year of high school and was headed to Lehigh on a basketball scholarship after she graduated. Jess adored Marguerite and Sophie. Caroline's spirits rose during the week they all spent together, and the girls loved it too. But the days had gone by far too fast, and it was almost time to go back to the reality of their life at home in Maryland.

Caroline glanced over Tom's shoulder. "I'm going to go over and talk to Bob. You know how much he loves me."

Her tone was laconic but there was more than a grain of truth to the statement. The Speaker was an Illinois native like Caroline, and they'd both graduated from Marquette University, albeit decades apart. They had a nice bond despite their party differences.

Tom laughed. "Go talk about how the MU basketball team is gonna wake up and destroy the competition come March."

Caroline crossed the room and was pleased to find that Bob brought his wife. Adeline Allen was a born and bred Southsider and her accent always reminded Caroline of childhood trips on the L to go to the Museum Campus or shopping at Marshall Field's. Adeline spotted her first.

"Caroline! Oh, I was hoping to see you." She gave Caroline a warm hug and kiss on the cheek.

Caroline spontaneously reached in for an additional hug. Adeline was one of her favorite people. "We've been here the whole week, actually. Heading back to Rockville tomorrow. Or the day after, depending on how much I drink tonight." She'd already knocked back a few to gird herself, just in case.

"How wonderful." Adeline tugged on Caroline's sleeve. "And what an interesting outfit you're wearing."

Damn it. She was probably going to hear about that stupid sweater all night. "I lost a bet with Tom." She turned to Bob and gave him as crisp a salute as she could manage. "O Captain, My Captain."

He gave her a hug. "Hi, sunshine. Have a good Christmas?"

"As good as could be expected." Caroline figured it didn't hurt to be honest with him. "I'm surprised to see you here."

"Christine wants to butter me up a little before she asks for an endorsement when she decides to move up in the world. I decided to indulge her."

That was exactly what Christine wanted. "Are you knocking the lower house of which you are in charge?" Caroline asked.

"No, Ms. Gerard, I am not." He winked at her. "Merely its leadership."

She laughed. "Are you going straight to D.C. after this?"

Bob took a sip from whatever mixed drink Tom had concocted for him. "It's a little inconvenient to go back home. And I have a speech to revise."

"It's not very good so far so he definitely needs the extra time," Adeline quipped. "Plus, he has to practice banging his gavel in case any members of the Democratic leadership decide to get out of line."

Caroline pretended to look confused. "I have no idea what you're referring to."

Bob saw a man walking past Caroline and seized his arm. "Mr. McIntyre, have you met Representative Gerard?"

Caroline blushed. She really hadn't planned to apologize to McIntyre while exchanging idle chitchat with the Speaker of the House. Then again, she wasn't quite sure what the best scenario would have been for her to broach the subject.

McIntyre turned to face the three of them. Caroline remembered watching footage of him during the campaign but he was much more striking in person. Sharp blue eyes, late forties, about six feet tall. He'd gone prematurely gray but his silver hair accentuated his handsome features. His appearance was a tad intimidating but he definitely had the capability to woo female voters and non-voters alike, if the rumors were to be believed. And those captivating eyes looked none too happy to see her.

"No, we've never met," he said coolly. "Although she seems to know me pretty well already."

Shit. He obviously hadn't forgotten the campaign. Not that she expected him to, but she underestimated the depth of his anger. Bob was scrutinizing Caroline with concern, as he now realized his error.

She gathered up her courage. "Bob, would you excuse us for a minute? I'd like to chat with Mr. McIntyre."

"Of course, sunshine." He picked up a plate from the side table that contained a generous helping of leftover Christmas cookies and party snacks and kissed her on the cheek. "In case we don't see each other again tonight," he explained. "I'll see you in a couple of days. Take care of yourself and give your girls a hug from me. Come on, Addie. Let's go find Christine so she can pretend to like me."

Adeline gave Caroline another hug. "It's always a joy, Caroline. I'm taking you out to lunch while I'm in Washington this week. Clear your calendar. Deep dish pizza, D.C. version?"

Caroline smiled a tiny smile. Adeline knew she was very particular about her Chicago style pizza. "I shall ignore that wretched, heretical, downright disloyal comment because it is the holiday season."

"Damn right." Adeline gave Caroline a quick squeeze on the arm before walking away.

Caroline reminded herself to thank them later. Bob and Adeline had no doubt given her that warm goodbye for McIntyre's benefit. She turned to him.

"Mr. McIntyre," she began. She had enough intuition to know that he was royally pissed, but probably refined enough to keep himself in check. Sure enough, he schooled his features before he interrupted her.

"I'd tell you to call me by my first name but I'm not sure you deserve the privilege."

The haughty tone of a man accustomed to either getting his own way or bullying people into it. He stared at her for a moment, his jaw locked as if he assumed she'd not so gracefully excuse herself or clumsily back away. Both of which were not outside the realm of possibility.

This was not starting well. Caroline rubbed the back of her neck apprehensively.

"I wanted to apologize for what I said about you during the campaign," she said.

"Oh, you said many things, but the highlight was that little remark about how I was...what was it...'a millionaire playboy trying to buy his way into Congress.'"

Caroline flinched at the precision of his tone. McIntyre had evidently watched her speech more than a few times. He'd undoubtedly had numerous opportunities since his opponent and several liberal PACs had used it in almost every attack ad they'd produced.

"Yeah, um, that." She suddenly lost all ability to articulate, although she was glad he hadn't brought up anything else she said during the speech. His eyes were still boring into her and she shifted her gaze away from his, ever so slightly. It was a trick she'd use from time to time to avoid awkward exchanges, but it was much more effective in a crowd than in a face to face confrontation.

"I shouldn't have called you that," she said. "It was an awful, terrible, slanderous thing to say and I deeply regret it. I thought about phoning you the next day to apologize but I figured you wouldn't take my call."

"You're right. I wouldn't have," he said.

Caroline brought her eyes to his again, surprised he would be so undiplomatic. He continued to glare at her, and bit off his next words.

"I wouldn't have taken your call then and I won't accept your apology now. Washington's a big town, Ms. Gerard. I think we can do our best to stay away from each other."

"But-"

"You can do your best to try and charm me as you have everyone else, but I assure you that I will not be fooled. So stop wasting your time."

She tried not to scowl at him. What the hell was that supposed to mean?

He returned her stare. "Enjoy the rest of the party," he said coldly, right before he spun around and walked away.

Caroline sank into the couch in the corner of the room. That hadn't gone well at all. Her plan had backfired in the worst way possible.

"Didn't want to listen to you, huh?" She heard Bob's voice at her side.

She looked up. That was the understatement of the century. She couldn't remember the last time anyone had spoken to her that way. "No. No he didn't."

Bob sat down and patted her shoulder. "He doesn't know what you did after that speech, does he?"

"I wasn't going to mention that part. And neither are you."

He stood up. "Don't be ridiculous. I'm going to talk to him."

"No, Mr. Speaker." She hoped her deference to his formal title would convince him to let it go. "Please don't. I made this mess myself. He's not the only person I've had to apologize to."

"You've had a rough year, Caroline. You made a couple of mistakes. It's okay."

Another understatement. Bob had an exceedingly benevolent interpretation of reality when people he cared about were involved.

"I know." She looked down at the floor.

Bob reached down to pat her shoulder again. "You're going to be fine. You know that, right?"

"It sure doesn't feel that way sometimes." Caroline looked at her watch. "I've got to round up the girls and get them to bed." She squeezed the hand on her shoulder. "Thanks, Bob."

"Anytime, sunshine. And if you call me Mr. Speaker again, it ought to damn well be at a press conference or on the House floor. You know better."

She returned his smile. "Yes, sir."

* * * * *

Caroline turned down the covers as Marguerite and Sophie snuggled into bed. She crawled onto the mattress and shifted in between them, kissing their foreheads in turn.

"Have you had a good week?" she asked.

"It's been okay," said Marguerite.

"I ate lots of candy," said Sophie.

Sophie was known to shovel food into her face like a champ, a gift she inherited from her mother. And Caroline had indeed done nothing but eat cookies and sweets herself for the past week.

"Maybe we'll stay here tomorrow too," Caroline said. "Then Chrissy and Tom and the girls can follow us back home before the swearing-in."

Her children were quiet. She knew what they were thinking. They'd had a nice respite but they'd soon return to the emptiness of their normal lives. Even having Christine with them most of the time hadn't managed to fill the gap.

"It'll be good to have a new year. Right, mom?" Marguerite asked.

Caroline slid down to lay next to her daughters and hold their hands. "Yeah."

"Maybe we should make a wish," Sophie said.

"Good idea, Feef," Caroline said. "What should we wish for?"

"I want a pony!" she exclaimed.

"Darling, we've talked about that. The backyard's not big enough. Plus, you don't get a pony before I do."

Sophie looked disappointed but not discouraged. "How about a puppy instead?" she asked.

"That I'll consider. We'll see how the rest of the winter goes. What about you, Mo?"

Marguerite rested her head on her mother's shoulder. "I think we should all try to be happy."

Caroline squeezed Marguerite's hand tighter as she fought back tears. "I think that's a great idea," she whispered.

Marguerite propped herself up on one elbow. "Especially you, mom."

Caroline caressed her daughter's cheek. "I'll try, Mo Mo. I promise."

Her eldest daughter leaned in for a hug. "We should all try to be more positive too."

Caroline kissed her forehead. "Let's do that then. No more negativity and maybe a dog. That'll work. Come here, Feef."

Sophie cuddled into Caroline's other side and they all held on to each other for what seemed like a very long time. Soon Sophie was asleep and Marguerite wasn't far behind. Caroline removed her arms from around their shoulders and crept out of the room as quietly as she could. She rested her head on the doorjamb, watching her daughters sleep peacefully.

"I'll try, my angels," she whispered. "I will."

* * * * *

Caroline walked down the hall to the study, which was empty. It was one of her favorite rooms in the Sullivan home. Built-in bookshelves, tons of political nonfiction and history, Tom's memorabilia from his days at Notre Dame...she loved it. Best of all, it had a fireplace (on the second floor no less) which Caroline considered to be the epitome of hoity-toity. Chrissy and Tom definitely knew how to live a sweet upper class life. She poked the embers and added another log to keep the smoldering fire going, then sat down on the couch facing the fireplace.

She scrolled through her phone, responding to a few texts from Kathleen and Jen. She took a moment longer to send a message to Ellen Goldman, the junior Senator from California, who was another close friend. They'd been texting back and forth over the holiday recess and Ellen had worked in a couple of jabs about how warm it had been in L.A. over Christmas. Caroline had to find a way to get even after the new session of Congress started. She was contemplating fiddling with the thermostat in Ellen's office, maybe building a snowman on her desk, but she wasn't sure she could count on Ellen's aides to keep quiet. She'd definitely think of something.

She checked the time. It was almost the end of the year. Caroline had no need to be with the other revelers at midnight. It was her first time alone on New Year's in a very long time. Nicky always hated New Year's Eve and found it to be a redundant holiday, but she still dragged him to Bryn Mawr year after year. He never liked politicians, so being surrounded by normal people for the evening made it much more appealing. They'd drive up from Rockville, he'd laugh and chat with the Sullivans' friends, they'd both drink far too much, and at the end of the night they'd make out as the ball dropped.

Caroline remembered the year before, when he kissed her passionately at midnight then passed out in the guest room after convincing Tom to split over thirty craft beers between the two of them. Christine hadn't been too happy about that. Nicky and Tom got pretty obnoxious when they were boozed up. That had been a good night. One of her last really cute memories of him, and less than three weeks later he was gone.

She heard the door creak and turned her head. John McIntyre poked his head in, his hands behind his back. He scanned the room.

"May I come in?" he asked politely.

Caroline pursed her lips. She really didn't want to deal with him again, especially if all he was going to do was insult her. But a negative attitude was inconsistent with the resolution she'd made with her daughters.

She forced a smile. "Sure."

He started to enter the room, then stopped. "Close your eyes."

What an unusual request. But she obliged. Caroline heard him walk over to the couch and sit down beside her.

"You can open them," he said, a hint of mischief in his voice.

She blinked as McIntyre turned to face her.

"My behavior earlier this evening was disgraceful," he said. "I'm deeply sorry for the manner in which I spoke to you before."

"You are?"

"I am. I think we should start over again."

The change in his personality was astonishing. This was a completely different person from the man she'd met downstairs.

"Okay," Caroline said warily.

He stuck out his hand. "I'm John Montgomery McIntyre. My friends call me Jack."

She decided to be a good sport and shook his hand. Caroline was walking the fine line between comfortable and buzzed and it emboldened her. She probably shouldn't have let Tom fix her that last drink.

"Does that mean I get to call you Jack?" she asked.

"Yes."

"I'm Caroline Joan Gerard, since we're throwing middle names in there."

"I like to exchange introductions with a touch of formality." He probably sounded a little more pompous than he'd intended.

She smiled. "Whatever you say, John Montgomery."

"Are you making fun of my family name?"

"A little. That's like the whitest white guy name in the history of whiteness." Caroline laughed at his expression. "I'm sorry, that was rude. Can I call you Monty?"

"You're the first person who's ever asked me that."

"You're kidding."

"Of course I am. But you should know I've never granted such a request. And most of my family is Black Irish, for your information. Maybe we should get to know each other better first. Nicknames are a big step. Do you have any?"

She blushed. "I have one, but it's kind of random."

"Do tell. I noticed that the Speaker calls you sunshine."

Caroline blushed even deeper. She was lucky that she had such a good relationship with the most powerful man in Congress. A lot of Republicans and even more Democrats didn't like it. "That's more a term of endearment than a nickname."

"Any others?"

It was kind of embarrassing for her to disclose it to someone she'd just met, but whatever. "Christine's husband Tom calls me Punky."

Jack stared at her blankly.

"Like Punky Brewster."

Still no response.

"From the TV show."

He shrugged his shoulders.

"Didn't you watch TV in the eighties?"

"Not really. I was a teenage boy and I was into other things. Who is this Punky person?"

"You've got to get on YouTube posthaste. I loved that show growing up. She was a working class kid, warm and funny, always playful. A glass overflowing kind of gal." Caroline paused. "Tom says I remind him of her."

"Is that who you are?"

She instinctively fiddled with her left ring finger. She still wore her wedding and engagement rings, maybe out of habit. And it really hadn't been that long.

"It's who I used to be," she said. "Most of the time."

"What about now?"

She cleared her throat, shaking off the melancholy. "I'm working on now."

"Does Punky wear ugly sweaters?" Jack asked with a grin.

She wasn't sure if he was joking or not. "I may have spoken some very hard truths to Tom about his holiday wardrobe during last year's party. As punishment I am forced to bear the scarlet letter that is this ugly sweater."

"It's very busy."

Jack probably didn't have anything like that in his closet. He was wearing an expensive tailored suit, very Savile Row, which was an unusual selection to wear to what was a casual party by Christine's standards. Caroline hadn't thought to comment on it. Maybe he always dressed up or had been under the impression that this was some sort of highbrow Congressional thing. But the conversation was about to veer off course and that wasn't what she wanted.

"I really do want to explain what happened during the campaign," she said.

His eyes darkened. "Forget about it. It doesn't matter."

"Yes, it does. It was a horrible thing to say about someone I didn't know. Especially considering your opponent was and is an incredible jerkwagon."

"He's a what?"

"You know. A jerkwagon. Douche, asshole, jackass, whatever. I like to expand my arsenal of insults whenever possible."

"You really think he's that bad?"

"Yes, unfortunately for me I didn't figure it out until after I'd endorsed him. But I couldn't very well take back what I said. Even though I wanted to."

It had been all over social media. The speech quickly became red meat for the Democratic masses and cannon fodder for the GOP. Caroline hid under a rock for a couple of days afterward and flew off the handle any time anyone used her statement in another attack ad. Which happened far too often.

"I guess not," Jack said.

"I wish I had. I should have had the courage to do it. I wish I'd never said any of it. It was wrong, and I'm sorry." Caroline took a deep breath. "It's been a bad year for me. It's not a valid excuse but it's the only one I have. Those comments were borne of depression and sadness and my desire to make someone else feel as badly as I did. I get very snarky when I'm upset, which some people find endearing in a weird way but it usually ends up making me disappointed in myself." She turned to face him. "I'm thankful you won. I would have felt terrible if you hadn't."

"Really?" Jack sounded surprised.

"I harbor a lot of Catholic guilt."

"So do I, but I don't take it nearly that far."

"Anyway, what I said about you wasn't true. It's not what I believe. I don't even know you. It was unfair for me to make assumptions and judge you like that."

Jack was looking at her strangely.

"What?" she asked.

"Nothing," he said. "You seem very sincere."

Caroline tried not to sound offended. "I'm being completely sincere."

"I know." His voice was quiet. "It's not what I expected from you."

"Did you expect me to be a total bitch?"

He shrugged his shoulders again. "I don't know. It doesn't matter. Apology accepted. Let's move on."

"Okay."

"Except there is one thing."

"What?"

"Let's play a game. I'll give you clues and you can guess the answers."

Was he flirting with her? Her mind was a little foggy after the few drinks she'd had and she couldn't tell. "Okay, I'll bite."

"A little bird told me you're the reason he endorsed me. Guess who?"

"That would be one Robert Allen, otherwise known as our very competent Speaker of the House." Caroline shook her head. She should have known Bob wouldn't listen to her. "That man can't keep a secret to save his life. I told him not to tell you. Honestly."

"And then another little bird very angrily informed me that I wouldn't even be at this party if she'd had her way, because someone like me would never be allowed within a hundred feet of her house under normal circumstances, but you had begged her to invite me."

Caroline could hear Christine's voice echoing in her head. "Oh, that's definitely Chrissy."

Jack looked at her skeptically. "You call Representative Sullivan 'Chrissy'?"

Caroline nodded. Christine was a formidable, smart, and shrewd politician, but she had a chilly reputation among many Pennsylvania Republicans. Caroline and Tom were constantly trying to get her to relax. She didn't exactly evoke the warm fuzzies from pundits either.

"She's one of my best friends but I don't know how I get away with it," Caroline admitted. "She would smack the hell out of anyone else who called her that, except her husband."

"Does she call you Punky too?"

She stifled a laugh, surprised that he remembered that. "Sometimes. When she's feeling particularly protective of me."

"You need protection?"

"Mostly from myself."

"Interesting. So then this other little bird-"

She held her hand up. "Did you talk to everyone downstairs about me?"

"No." He started to get up. "Should I?"

"Definitely not. But there appear to be a ton of little birds at this party who can't keep their beaks shut."

Jack looked a little uncomfortable. "I won't lie. After I ran into you I had all but decided that sticking around wasn't worth it, but the Speaker tracked me down as I was walking toward the door. Then Representative Sullivan arrived and...."

"All hell broke loose?"

"Practically."

"You're lucky she isn't drinking tonight. It might have been worse." Christine didn't drink much, and when she did it never ended well. Caroline had seen her lose her shit once after downing a couple of Cosmopolitans. It had been a touch alarming but comical nonetheless.

"At any rate, their posturing convinced me to stay." Jack seemed to be considering his words. "They both think very highly of you."

Caroline looked down at her lap. "That's nice."

"You're blushing. You don't take compliments very well, do you?"

She didn't, especially from people she didn't know. Caroline was more apt to focus on criticism, which made being a public figure very hard sometimes.

She peeked over at him. "No."

He gave her that strange look again and switched direction. "There's one more bird for you to guess. This little bird insisted I come upstairs with a peace offering and give you another chance to apologize." Jack pulled a bottle of Moscato and a corkscrew from beside the couch. "He told me it was your favorite."

"Tom!" Caroline exclaimed. "I am quite fond of that talkative little bird." She clasped her hands together and looked at the label. "That _is_ my favorite."

Tom always stocked the wine refrigerator well when he knew Caroline would be visiting but she thought they'd finished the last of the Moscato on the day after Christmas. She had indulged quite a bit during the past week even though she didn't normally drink. Although she realized she had started drinking more since Nicky died. She wondered if maybe she should quietly resolve to bring her alcohol consumption back down again in the coming year. She didn't want to turn into Kitty Dukakis.

Caroline glimpsed the red Solo cups Jack had also magically produced. "Tom's wife would be appalled that he didn't give you proper glassware," she said. "And I'm a little upset you didn't whip this out when you first got up here."

"I thought I'd talk to you a bit before I started to give you free access to alcohol. I'm fairly certain you've had a couple already." He opened the bottle and poured her a generous cup, then a smaller one for himself. "Cheers."

Caroline looked at her watch. It was past midnight. "We missed the ball drop. I hope you're okay with that."

Jack took off his suit jacket and draped it across the back of the couch. "I'm enjoying myself quite a bit up here. I don't mind." He retrieved his cup from the coffee table and held it up. "To a fantastic new year."

He was wearing suspenders. And expensive cufflinks. And a tie that probably cost more than Caroline would spend on a single dress suit. For a simple New Year's Party. But, oh my. Those suspenders, hugging close to what appeared to be a very fit body. She was a complete sucker for men in suspenders. She caught a whiff of his cologne as he settled back into the couch. He definitely didn't go cheap. Shit. Men's cologne was one of her weaknesses too.

Caroline found his physical presence a little more unnerving than she expected. He was very well put together. She shook her head, jarring her brain free of all the naughty thoughts that suddenly flowed through her. Maybe it was the alcohol. She tapped his cup with hers, plastering a grin on her face to mask her embarrassment. "Hear hear."

They sat on the couch idly drinking their wine until Jack spoke again.

"Did you really tell Speaker Allen to endorse me?"

Her cheeks reddened. "Yes. I chickened out about calling you but I felt so rotten the next day that I called Bob and demanded that he try to undo the damage I'd caused. So, he did."

"Just out of the goodness of his heart?"

Caroline shifted on the couch. "Not exactly."

"What did you have to do?"

"I promised him a lap dance."

He stared at her, dumbfounded. "Really?"

"It's how I worked my way through law school. It's also one of the best ways to endear yourself to the mostly male leadership if you're a chick."

Jack cocked his head at her and Caroline took another sip of wine. "You don't pick up on subtle humor, do you?" she asked.

"Apparently not. Maybe I've read too many articles about various scandals on Capitol Hill."

"It's not that bad. People cheat on their spouses all the time. Congress is no exception. There is a certain hookup culture among the interns, which I find to be highly hypocritical, particularly as it pertains to those who claim to be socially conservative. But most elected officials and staffers try to behave like mature adults." She chugged the rest of her drink theatrically, wiped her mouth on her sleeve, then set her cup down hard on the coffee table and winked at him. "Most of the time."

Jack refilled her cup. "So, what did you have to do?"

Her tone grew more serious, but not by much. "Well – here's where I pause for dramatic effect – I promised him I'd vote for him as Speaker if he endorsed you."

"You're kidding."

"Nope."

"Does the Democratic Party know about this?"

Caroline chuckled gleefully. "Nope."

Jack gave her a mock frown. "Is that keeping with your duties as the keynote speaker?"

"Probably not. But I like to push the envelope. I've never been a big fan of blind allegiance. And Bob is a good man." She laughed again. "Why are you looking at me that way?"

"Are you really going to do it?"

"Absolutely. I meant what I said. I gave him my word and I won't go back on it. His friendship means too much to me."

"That might get some pundits talking. Crossover votes don't happen very often, do they?"

They didn't, certainly not among party loyalists. Caroline was still plotting how she was going to explain that decision to Douglas Langlade, the Minority Leader. He was obviously expecting her to vote for him. She wasn't planning on talking to him until after she'd already done it. It was always much easier to beg forgiveness than to ask permission.

"No," she acknowledged.

"I see."

"Bob knew I wasn't kidding. To be frank, he might have endorsed you anyway if I'd bugged him long enough but after I told him I'd vote for him he was much more inclined to do it."

"He made it sound as if he wouldn't have gotten anywhere near my campaign if it hadn't been for you."

Which was pretty much what Bob had said to her on the phone, with a few more expletives for embellishment. He'd been a fixture in the Illinois GOP for many years but was well versed in the rhetorical flourish of the Chicago Machine. But Caroline wasn't about to confirm that.

"He promised me he wouldn't tell you that I was the reason he endorsed you," she said. "I have to say I'm a little upset with him about that."

"You don't think his intentions were pure?"

"I'm sure they were a hundred percent altruistic. I merely would have preferred that he keep that little nugget of information to himself."

"Even after the way I treated you earlier?"

"You could have said much worse to me than you did. In fact, you exercised considerable self-discipline. It makes me feel a little awkward, that's all."

"You would rather I never know the truth?" Jack asked.

"I don't want you to think I'm something I'm not."

"How many politicians would have made a call to the leader of the opposing party after badmouthing another candidate? Not many. Maybe none. You should give yourself more credit for doing what you thought was the right thing."

"Doesn't mean I want to advertise it."

"Why not?"

"I just don't. I have a reputation for being nice that isn't entirely deserved."

"I checked. You were voted nicest member of Congress in _Washingtonian_ the last couple of years. You received many bipartisan votes, although that slipped a little this year. They think you're rather entertaining, too."

"You researched me before coming to this party?"

Jack shrugged. Caroline had already come to the conclusion that he did that when he was uncomfortable. It amused her that she might be throwing him off his game.

"I was trying to find an excuse to treat you badly the first time I ran into you," he said. "My investigation didn't exactly help me."

"I think what I said about you during the campaign was excuse enough."

"We've already moved past that, remember?"

"I forgot," Caroline said. "I've had a few."

"I noticed." Jack topped off her drink. "It enhances your personality."

She was pretty sure that was another compliment but was too tipsy to acknowledge it. "I was afraid that if I didn't loosen myself up a little I wouldn't have the guts to talk to you if you showed up."

"I'm glad you did. I probably would have avoided you like the plague once I was sworn in. This isn't fair to you, but I've been operating under the assumption that you have everyone snowed. Finding out how nice you actually are didn't help my preconceptions. I didn't expect to see you here. I was unaware of your relationship with Representative Sullivan."

"We keep it on the down low. It's sort of an Odd Couple thing. I latched onto her as soon as I met her because every beautiful woman needs a funny sidekick."

"Are you the funny one or the beautiful one?"

Christine was regarded as somewhat standoffish but she was sophisticated, blond, and very chic, and looked much younger than she was. She was unquestionably one of the most attractive female members of Congress. She tended to ignore the attention she received for her looks, or was mostly oblivious to it. Caroline always wondered what it was like for Chrissy to go through life with men constantly fawning all over her but she never really asked her about it.

"I'm the funny one." She gave him her most charming smile. "Can't you tell?"

"I just thought I would ask."

"When I first met Christine I thought she was wound up a little tight," Caroline said. "She still is, but she's gotten better. Our relationship is actually pretty shallow. It's largely based on our mutual addiction to expensive shoes. And we're both good Catholic girls born and raised in the Midwest. And I'm secretly in love with her husband. But don't tell her. She'll kill me if she ever finds out."

Jack smiled. "I've only spoken with her twice but I have no reason to doubt your assessment of her response. And I doubt very much that your friendship with her is as vapid as you make it sound."

"For the most part, I'm kidding. The Sullivans are wonderful people with big hearts. I wouldn't have made it through the last year without them, especially Chrissy. Tom is much more demonstrative than she is. Hardly anyone knows what she's really like."

"Without revealing too much of what she said to me downstairs, she cares a lot about you. But I still wouldn't want to get on her bad side. She looked like she was ready to claw my eyes out."

Caroline was familiar with that look but had fortunately only been on the receiving end of it once or twice. "Then definitely don't get on her bad side. If you know what's good for you."

Jack smiled at her again. "I'm very glad I came tonight. I'm sorry I treated you so poorly before. I'm quite skilled at behaving like an ass."

"Didn't you say we were starting fresh?"

"I guess we are."

"Then don't worry about how you acted earlier. And I won't either. But as to your original point, I don't put much stock in those Capitol Hill polls."

"Ah, yes. I forgot. You don't like compliments."

"It's not that. When people think you're nice and funny and trusting, they're more likely to take advantage of you. I don't like when that happens."

"You think people exploit you for being a decent person?"

"Wait until you get to Washington."

"That's quite cynical coming from an idealistic liberal. And I don't know if you've heard, but I'm an asshole. No one will even try to exploit me."

Caroline laughed. "We all have our dark sides. Anyway, we may as well get back to your original point about the Speaker. Sorry, I tend to go on tangents."

"It's okay. Talking to you is like reading a Faulkner novel. If Faulkner didn't suck."

"Someone must have hated high school English class."

Jack chuckled, filling her wine cup again. "You're quite amusing. Good to know that poll was accurate."

Her charming smile was getting a lot of use during their conversation. "I know."

"And so humble too," Jack said.

She laughed again. "I try."

The conversation was far too focused on her, and she knew she had to change direction. Get them back to safe, non-intrusive topics.

"Bob is a decent human being and an effective leader," she said. "I'm not a Republican but your party could do a whole hell of a lot worse. What's the point of voting for a Democratic candidate who can't win the post? It's all gamesmanship and unnecessarily partisan bullshit. A symbolic gesture, pure political theater. I've never liked it." Caroline hesitated and thought of the Minority Leader again. He was not an amicable man. "And I don't exactly care for our leadership all that much."

"What if you were the leadership?"

"Don't be silly. I want no part of that. That stupid rah-rah speech I made at the convention was enough."

"I watched it. It was a splendid speech." Jack sounded impressed. "I even agreed with some of it."

"I don't even remember what I said. I've been told it was good."

"So you don't harbor any secret ambitions of rising to power?"

Caroline laughed saucily, and the buzz from the wine helped her inner Teamster come out. "Hell no. I'd rather keep my head down, do my damn job, and occasionally say something funny on Twitter."

"Well, your approach seems to be working so far."

They continued to chat about their careers and families, their hobbies and quirks. Caroline did her best to answer Jack's questions about Capitol Hill, and he returned the favor by telling her about his years playing college and European pro basketball, a topic she found fascinating. She even managed to talk about Nicky without crying, because Jack seemed honestly concerned for her loss. Soon the bottle of Moscato was long gone. Caroline yawned and glanced at her watch. It was almost five in the morning.

"My God," she said. "We've been talking forever. You're probably the last one here aside from me. I'm surprised no one sent a search party to find you."

Jack followed with a yawn of his own. "It's way past my bedtime. I normally only stay up until four."

"You'd better go, then. Are you okay to drive?"

Jack stood up and stretched, pulling his suit jacket back on. "I'm fine. It's not that far and you drank almost the entire bottle yourself."

She hadn't realized that. Kitty Dukakis had morphed into Betty Ford. Caroline silently vowed to give up drinking in the foreseeable future.

She rose to her feet, suddenly feeling awkward. "Well. Drive safe. I guess I'll see you in a couple of days?"

"Sure." Jack stared at the ashes in the fireplace and Caroline got the feeling he was holding something back.

"What?" she asked.

"Would it be too forward of me to ask if I could see you again once we get to Washington? As friends," he added hastily.

Caroline knew that he wouldn't want her to take his caveat as an insult, which was fine with her. She had no interest in getting involved with anyone anytime soon. But she'd had a good time with him, so what was the harm?

She smiled at him. "Why not?"

# Chapter Three

Dr. Savage crossed and uncrossed her legs. She was sitting in one of the more uncomfortable chairs in Dr. Livingston's office. It had to be at least twenty years old. Government work wasn't supposed to be glamorous and the VA had always gotten the shaft when budgets were drawn but she sure as hell didn't have to be happy about it.

She'd been waiting for Bill for the past fifteen minutes. He was uncharacteristically late. She was never one to give in to paranoia but she'd been wondering lately if it was time for her to talk to someone. About her job. About her family.

About everything.

Maureen's daughter Aimee was in her second semester at the University of Texas and she missed her terribly. After everything that had been happening recently, Maureen was starting to regret not encouraging her to attend a private college a little closer to home.

The Savage family spent generations in Texas before Maureen's husband dared to venture toward the nation's capital after receiving his honorable discharge from the Army. Maureen still thought his parents resented her for that cross-country relocation, since he only stuck around after he decided to marry her. She was a San Antonio native herself but fell in love with the Northeast when she was an undergrad at Boston College.

Her husband had passed away almost ten years ago, but Maureen smiled as she thought of him, secure in the knowledge that she'd done him right: his little girl had grown up to be a Longhorn. She crossed and uncrossed her legs again and bemoaned the fact that her cell phone was tucked away in the desk in her own office. She really wanted to hear Aimee's voice. It might have made her feel better.

Bill burst into his office in a huff. "CNN," he gasped.

"What?"

"Turn on CNN."

Maureen looked at the TV in the corner, realizing that she could have been killing time by watching daytime television or ESPN News instead of waxing poetic about her only child. "Okay."

The channel was playing a commercial.

"Shit." Bill started pacing in front of the TV.

"What is going on?" Maureen asked. "And where have you been?"

"Texas seceded. Earlier this morning."

Her jaw dropped. "You're kidding. Tell me you're kidding."

"Haven't you been paying attention lately?"

"Bill, I grew up in Texas, remember? All sorts of crazy people talk about secession down there. It happens every couple of years, depending on who's in the Governor's Mansion and who's trying to be the most conservative Republican primary candidate. Are you sure you didn't misinterpret something?"

"I didn't misinterpret anything. The legislature voted. The Governor concurs. There's going to be a popular referendum in two weeks, but the polls indicate that Texans are willing to cut ties with the United States in overwhelming numbers. Regardless of political affiliation."

"Just like California," Maureen murmured.

"I know," Bill said grimly. "I've heard rumors that President Santos is going to let them leave on the condition that they allow all American troops and government employees to leave peacefully."

Maureen wasn't totally in tune with her roots, but her memory was long. The Texas Legislature only met every two years. "The Lege did this? They're not even in session right now."

"Looks like they decided to make a special trip to Austin."

She froze as the pieces came together in her head, and sprang out of her chair. "I have to call Aimee."

Bill grabbed her arm. "Have you checked on Ms. Gerard today?"

"Not yet." She hesitated. "Is there any cause for concern?"

"I don't think so. Make sure she's comfortable. How often are the nurses popping into her room?"

"Once every couple of hours, I guess."

"Make it every hour. And you do the same, if you have the time."

Maureen frowned. That request was overly cautious, even for him. "What's going on, Bill? She's only been here a few days."

Bill lowered his voice. "They're breathing down my neck. That's why I was late. I gave them some bullshit about needing to keep her here another week or so. But they're going to get restless the longer this goes on."

He glanced back at the TV screen, where two pundits were quarreling loudly about whether or not Texas leaving the United States would cause any real damage, economic or otherwise. They were both making the same tired, predictable partisan arguments, except there was a palpable cautiousness in their tone. And a noticeable lack of criticism of the Santos Administration.

Maureen rubbed her eyes. "This is bad, isn't it?"

"Can't see how it could get much worse." Bill kept his voice low. "There have been rumblings about insurrection out in California. Who knows if there's anything to it. I'd be shocked if Santos let them go just to have them rise up, though."

"Shit. I really need to call Aimee."

Bill cleared his throat. "Be careful what you say."

"Excuse me?"

"You heard me." He dropped his voice even further. "Don't get too personal."

"What the hell is that supposed to mean?"

Bill leaned in closer toward Maureen. "I got the distinct impression after speaking with our nice friends over at INSCOM that our conversations may not be private."

"Any of them? I declined a government cell. I have my own phone."

"Lower your voice, Maureen. You think they can't get a wiretap on your personal phone? Come on. How do you think they found out what Representative Gerard was doing?"

The room suddenly seemed chilly. There were a lot of things Maureen hadn't wanted to think about lately and Bill was doing his best to make sure they were in the front of her mind.

"What was she doing?" she asked.

She hadn't bothered asking too many questions when Gerard had been admitted to the hospital. Hadn't even recognized her the first time she'd seen her. The sight of the woman's beaten and bloodied face had almost made her sick. That hadn't ever happened, not even in medical school.

Bill pinched the bridge of his nose. "According to INSCOM, she's wanted for questioning on federal charges related to seditious conspiracy."

She shook her head. Maureen wasn't exactly fully engaged in the political process, but reality was still her good friend. "That's ludicrous. And you take them seriously?"

"You should take them seriously too, Maureen. We're all potential targets. Especially if we appear to be aiding the enemy."

"But you told me to keep her safe."

"You should. Just be aware that as someone who has close contact with one of the government's most wanted, there's a good chance that they'll be keeping an eye on you too. Looking for signs of weakness. Of collaboration." He paused. "Our young Lieutenant Mitchell was noticeably absent from the meeting I just had with the folks at Fort Belvoir."

Maureen shivered, thinking of the babyfaced officer. He had seemed far too sympathetic and reflective during their previous meeting, even though his questions had been routine. Maybe all her paranoia hadn't been for naught. "I really need to call Aimee," she said. "She must be freaking out."

"Tell her to stay in Texas."

"Are you kidding? She's coming home."

Bill's voice had a hint of warning. "No. Have her stay there. It's safer."

Maureen pressed her palm to her forehead. "I don't want to think about this. How are we even having this discussion?"

"It doesn't matter how we got here. We're having it. And you're living it. Keep your child safe. Your parents are in Texas, right?"

"Yeah. My in-laws are there too."

"You have some vacation time you need to use. Perhaps a family reunion is in order. I hear Galveston is beautiful this time of year."

"My job is here."

"Yes, it is. But you could really use some time to yourself. You've been under a lot of stress lately. A leave of absence isn't unreasonable."

"I'm fine. I have an obligation to the patients in this facility. I'm not leaving them. Not right now."

"I'm telling you to think about it. Long and hard." Bill flipped the TV off. "I've got to go talk to some other folks about this. A fractured nation is going to make our lives more complicated both in a personal and professional sense."

Maureen turned toward the door, then spun to face the older man. "Be careful, Bill," she said softly.

"You too. Keep an eye on our patient."

Maureen sighed. "I will."

* * * * *

Dr. Savage noticed none of the other members of the medical staff made eye contact with her as she walked down the hall. She tried to relax her expression. After the terrible phone call she'd had with her daughter, she knew she appeared cold and unapproachable. She couldn't have that. Her staff needed to know she was there for them, especially since they had little guidance from anywhere else.

Maureen walked up to the Nurse's Station. "Hi, Sarah. How's Ms. Gerard today?" she asked, grabbing her chart.

"Fine," the nurse responded. "I just checked on her a bit ago. Vitals are good. Meds are steady. I thought I heard her mumbling something but I couldn't make out what it was."

"Has she woken up?"

"No, ma'am. Some odd restlessness, but she has not regained consciousness."

"Good. I'm going to peek in on her if that's okay."

"Yes, ma'am."

The room was sparse and poorly lit. Maureen would have liked to put the woman in a more comfortable space but they'd been instructed to put her in one of the less well apportioned rooms. They still had all the medical equipment they needed, for now. Who knew when that would change?

The patient's heartbeat and blood pressure were steady, according to the machines near the bed. Maureen sat down next to her and held her hand.

"I'm sorry this is happening to you. I truly am." She squeezed the hand and stood up.

Maureen checked her watch. Her shift was almost over. She'd normally go back to her office and update her files but tonight she wanted to go straight home. Maybe have a drink. Or ten. She turned around and gave Representative Gerard a final glance before leaving the room. It was unfair. Terribly, awfully unfair. And she couldn't think of any way to change what was inevitably going to happen.

# Chapter Four

Caroline

February

Caroline had a meeting for the Congressional Caucus for Women's Issues in ten minutes but she'd left something at her desk. She hadn't assumed a leadership position and never planned to, but as one of the highest profile female Democrats in Congress she was expected to take a larger role at meetings anyway. Which was why she was running down the hallway in Rayburn instead of popping in somewhere near the Hill for a nice, relaxing lunch.

She flung open the main door to her office. "Late," she huffed, as her receptionist Laura gave her a look. "Forgot something for the meeting."

"Caroline, wait-" Laura called, but Caroline had already burst in. Jen and Kathleen were standing near her desk, near an enormous bouquet of flowers. Jen had a small card in her hand.

"Sorry." Caroline stopped short of them both. "Did Eric send you flowers?"

Jen appeared guilty, and Kathleen wouldn't look at her.

"Um, no," Jen said softly. "They're for you."

Caroline felt a surge of dread. "Are they-?"

"No." Jen smiled uneasily. "Read the card."

Caroline took it out of Jen's hand.

A woman like you deserves flowers on Valentine's Day.

Jack

"Oh," she said.

"I'm sorry." Jen looked extremely upset. "I know I shouldn't have opened the envelope but-"

Caroline squeezed Jen's shoulder. "It's all right, Jenny." She laughed. "I'd forgotten what day it was."

Kathleen walked over and put her arm around Caroline. "I told her not to do it."

"You would have done the exact same thing," Caroline told her. "Don't blame Jen."

"I probably would have," Kathleen said. "A lot faster than she did, too. You give me more latitude than her so I wanted to be the fall guy."

"It's fine, you two. Really." Caroline scooped some papers up off her desk. "Shit, I'm going to be so late now."

Jen gave her a pained look. "I really am sorry."

"Stop apologizing. They're flowers from a friend. You can pretend that some other man gave them to you, if you want to make Eric jealous."

Jen laughed uneasily. "Okay. I won't do it again."

"I can't make any promises, though," Kathleen interjected.

"It's not a big deal, Jenny." Caroline squeezed her chief of staff's shoulder again then turned to Kathleen and puckered her brow. "I know better than to trust you."

Kathleen shrugged. "As long as you know the score."

Caroline grinned. Katie really was impossible sometimes. "I'll see you later. Gotta go."

She texted Jack on the way to the meeting.

Thank you for the flowers. That was very sweet.

He texted back a few seconds later.

You're very welcome. May I buy you lunch?

Caroline smiled as she wrote.

Sure, since you're buying. I'll call you when I get back from the Women's Caucus.

He again responded almost immediately.

It's a date.

Caroline blushed and dropped her phone back into her purse.

* * * * *

"You freaked the hell out of my staffers," Caroline said, after they'd settled in for a quiet lunch at an Italian restaurant near Dupont Circle.

"How's that?" Jack asked. "They didn't think those flowers were from a stalker, did they?"

"No, but they did read the card."

"Why would they do that?"

"It's okay. It's not like you put anything weird in the note. Flowers from a friend. It was a nice surprise."

"No, really. Why'd they freak out?"

Caroline bit her lip. "I shouldn't have said anything. I was trying to be funny and I failed."

"Caroline, come on." Jack's tone was persistent.

Her throat tightened. She really didn't want him to feel bad. "Nicky died a few weeks before Valentine's Day last year. He must have ordered me flowers before...you know."

Jack ran his fingers through his hair. "Jesus, Caroline. I didn't even think-"

"It's okay." She tried to smile at him, but the unpleasant memory creeped into her thoughts anyway. "It was only a few days after I'd gone back to work and when I walked into my office the flowers were on my receptionist's desk. I could tell that my staff didn't know what to do with them. They were staring at them, then at me, and Jen tried to hide them. I grabbed the card out of her hand, read it, flipped out and...well, it was bad. Really bad. I was quite awful to all of them, even though they didn't deserve it."

"I feel like an asshole," he said quietly.

"You had no way of knowing what happened, Jack. Please don't feel that way. It was very thoughtful of you. I don't want to discourage you from doing things like that. I'm sure most women appreciate those gestures."

"But you didn't?"

"I told you, I thought they were lovely." Her forced smile faded. "I shouldn't have said anything."

"Don't be. I'm glad you told me. You can tell me anything you want."

He really was a nice guy. Caroline was starting to wonder why people were so reluctant to speak well of him. "Poor Jenny and Katie. They looked so guilty when I walked in. But if it helps, I think they know not to open cards addressed to me anymore."

Jack laughed. "Good to know. Should I apologize to them?"

"That's not necessary. You might want to send Jen some flowers, though. I get the feeling her boyfriend forgot what day it was."

"I'll do that."

Caroline could tell that he was serious. "You don't have to do that. I was kidding."

"I want to," Jack said. "She's a nice woman. Just like her boss."

"She might have a different opinion of my personality than you."

He picked up his menu. "I highly doubt that."

"How's your new townhome?" she asked.

He looked up at her. "It's not bad."

"I'm sorry, you probably want to figure out what you're having for lunch."

He put the menu down. "I'm in no hurry."

"Are you settled in yet? I imagine living in a hotel the past few weeks couldn't have been all that much fun."

"Sadly, I spent a lot of my early career traveling a lot, so I'm used to it. But I'm glad I got that house when I did. It was a steal."

Caroline choked back a laugh.

"What?" Jack asked.

"Nothing around here is a steal. I checked the listing after you gave me the address."

"I got a great deal on it," he insisted.

"I'm sure you did."

"You saw the selling price, didn't you?"

"Yep."

Now he looked a bit uncomfortable. "You think I paid too much?"

"I know how much historic townhomes cost, Jack. Most government workers couldn't even dream of living in DC proper. Why do you think I live in Rockville? I hope you know how lucky you are to live the way you do."

Jack sounded defensive. "I needed a place to stay."

"I know you did."

"Does my wealth bother you?" he asked.

Well, he was nothing if not direct. She stared down at her menu.

"I don't want you to feel that way," he said.

Caroline brought her head up. "I'm sorry. I brought it up. I shouldn't have said anything. You have every right to spend your money as you see fit. I shouldn't pry into your private affairs."

"I mean it. I really don't want you to feel that way, Caroline. I-" Jack looked down at his hands.

"What?"

His discomfort was growing. "Remember when I did all that research on you before coming to that party?"

"Did you find something bad? What kind of rumors are floating around out there? This is why I don't Google myself."

"It wasn't bad," Jack said.

Caroline gave him a hard look. "Honestly, Jack. Just say it."

" _Roll Call_ might have listed the net worth of members of Congress in an article I read about you."

She blew out a hard breath. "So you figured out I'm near the bottom, relatively speaking."

"For those who aren't carrying around massive amounts of debt, yes." Jack smiled. "You're just a regular middle to upper middle class woman, I guess. Who happens to be in Congress."

Caroline had no desire to return his grin. "I'm not destitute, Jack. And my relative lack of affluence compared to many of my colleagues is not something I'm ashamed of."

"You shouldn't be. A lot of politicians with much more money than you have been very irresponsible with it."

"I mean, I had a hard year with only one income but-"

"Do you need help?"

She glared at him.

"I'm sorry." Jack sounded upset. "I should not have said that."

Caroline rubbed her forehead. This was easily the most difficult conversation they'd ever had, even more so than the first time they'd met, and it was not getting easier. "I should not have brought this topic up. All you wanted to do was take me to a nice lunch and I'm wrecking it."

"You're not wrecking it. Tell me what's really bothering you."

She was more than happy to drop it all but he apparently wanted her to dig in her heels. "You bought a house in Georgetown at the drop of a hat for five million dollars. And I bet you don't have a mortgage. Am I right?"

"I don't like debt."

She assumed that was a yes. After deciding it was safe to tell him the truth, Caroline now wanted nothing more than to change the subject. Immediately. "This isn't fair to you. You shouldn't be made to feel bad for what you have. A lot of people can make do with less. And I'm not in the poorhouse. Not even close."

"I didn't mean to imply that."

"I was probably one of only a handful of members of Congress who got a raise when I was elected. For the first time, I made more than Nicky. And I'm still in the upper tier of income earners in this country, even without him. So I have no self-pity. And it's not as if I don't have friends who have much, much more than I do."

"I know. I was in Christine's house, remember? Does her money bother you?"

"Sometimes. She has a tendency to buy me extravagant presents."

She did it much too often. Christine had to have plunked down close to four figures on all the random items she'd gotten for Caroline and her daughters that past Christmas. Fortunately Caroline picked out a far too expensive gift for Chrissy in return, but she still felt guilty about it. Maybe this year she'd ask Christine to exchange charitable contributions instead.

"She and Tom worked very hard to get to where they are," Caroline said. "Neither one of them had a lot growing up. Tom has a huge family and Chrissy just didn't have a lot. I don't know too many details but she had a very rough childhood. And I appreciate every thoughtful gift she's ever given me, because I know why she behaves that way."

"That's not envy. That's gratitude."

"I'm not sure that's how I'd describe it."

"Caroline, you are very down to earth. Very, dare I say, normal."

She tried not to snicker. "I don't think anyone has used that adjective to describe me. Ever."

"You know what I mean. If extreme wealth didn't make you a little uncomfortable, I would be shocked. I don't want _my_ extreme wealth to be an issue for you."

"It's not. It's just...you have a lot. At least from what I can tell."

"You haven't researched my net worth?" Jack looked a little surprised. "I'm flattered that you might actually be spending time with me for the right reasons."

She assumed that was a reference to all the women he dated, including while he was running for office. Christine told her a few tales when she reamed Caroline out for her endorsements the past fall, probably to make her feel less guilty.

"I wouldn't want to guess how much money you have," she said. "I assume you're quite comfortable."

"Comfortable is the understatement of the year. But you at least know I'm a millionaire. A playboy, even."

Caroline stared down at the table. She knew from his tone that he didn't mean to wound her, but she hated to be reminded of what she'd said about him.

"I read your biography on your campaign website but not much beyond that." She felt her cheeks burning as she remembered some of her dreadful conduct during the previous election cycle. "As you might have figured out, I did not do proper fact checking before blasting most of my victims."

Jack's eyes were suddenly dark. "I'm sorry I made that comment. That speech is so far removed from where we are now."

"Where are we now, Jack?"

"We're friends. Don't you think so?"

"Sure. Are you the type of friend who buys his colleagues flowers and lunch?"

"For the ones I like, yes. And much more, if they'd let me."

"Must be nice."

"My money does bother you, then."

"No, I'm a little jealous of your security. That's all."

"Money isn't everything, Caroline."

"I know. But it sure as hell makes a lot of things easier."

"Would the past year have been easier for you if you'd been rich?"

She sighed again. "I guess not."

"I probably indulge myself too much," Jack said. "Yes, the house was an extravagant purchase. But it felt right. I wanted to do it."

"You have every right to spend your money as you please."

"Sometimes it's more trouble than it's worth."

Caroline laughed. "I'll bet."

"What would you do if you didn't have to worry about money?"

"Well, I don't have to worry, at least right now. I put Nicky's life insurance in a trust for the girls. But that still might not be enough to pay for college. I'd like to put that concern aside. I stress about my retirement since it's all government pensions and investments. And whether or not I should pay off the mortgage or my student loans so I don't have to think about them anymore." Caroline studied Jack's face. His expression was hard to read. "But I'm doing all right. I'm not living paycheck to paycheck. Nicky was very conservative with our shared finances. I simply had to adjust once everything got cut in half."

She stared down at her menu, seeing the words blending together. She didn't want to think about this. At all. She regretted broaching the topic in the first place. It seemed as if their lunch so far had been a big, awkward mess.

Jack squeezed Caroline's hand lightly. His fingers were warm and she flinched, startled by the intimate gesture.

"Don't feel bad for talking about this with me." He pulled his hand back quickly. "I appreciate your candor. And if you ever need any help-"

"Jack-"

"I don't mean financial help. If you ever need anything, I'm here for you."

Caroline smiled. "Thank you, Jack. You're a good friend."

"You barely know me."

"I know enough."

Jack smiled back at Caroline and picked his menu back up. "Shall we order?"

"Sure."

* * * * *

Caroline and her daughters pulled up to the house at around four thirty. It had been an early day, and she had picked them up straight from school instead of having their babysitter do it. A freshly washed Lincoln sat in the driveway.

"Good," she said. "Chrissy's home already."

"She didn't have any romantic outing planned with Tom tonight?" Marguerite asked.

"Apparently not."

"Are we going to make heart shaped cookies before bedtime?" Sophie asked.

"Sure," Caroline replied. "That sounds yummy."

"I'll make the dough," Marguerite said.

"That sounds proactive," said Caroline.

"I'll make the frosting," Sophie said cheerily.

"And that sounds destructive," Caroline said. "But I shall let you do it anyway because I am in a stupendous mood."

The front door was unlocked, and they walked inside. The girls said their hellos to Christine, who was sitting in the living room.

"Upstairs and try to finish your homework before dinner," Caroline said.

Marguerite and Sophie turned to pout at her.

"Homework or no cookies." Caroline could have sworn she heard Marguerite mumbling vague obscenities as she grumped her way upstairs but decided to let it go. Sophie was trudging along behind her talking about red food coloring.

Christine was on the couch reading the material they'd received at the caucus meeting that morning.

"This is so incredibly dry." She tossed the papers on the cushion beside her. "And self-defeating. They always focus on birth control and abortion. And nothing else."

Caroline scooped them up and stacked them on the side table, taking the seat next to Christine and nudging her shoulder playfully. "Oh, come on. They complained about equal pay too."

Christine rolled her eyes. "Thank you for reminding me. I'd spent most of the day blocking that out."

Caroline laughed. "It was nice how you tore them all a new one and went off on some Hyde Amendment nonsense for twenty minutes."

"I cannot help it if I do not want to use government funds to kill babies, Caroline."

She waved her hand at Christine. "Let's not start that. I was complimenting you. It was hilarious."

"Yes, it is quite hilarious when we Republicans are outnumbered all the time. Every meeting is a joy."

"You could just sit and seethe every meeting instead of bringing the thunder. Or you could start skipping meetings."

"No," Christine said. "It would break your heart if I didn't keep you company. I'll stick it out."

"I do have Ellie."

"Ellen Goldman is even more of a bleeding heart than you. And she won't write you furtive notes in the back of the room like I will."

She was glad the two of them had perfected their little routine. They didn't sit on any committees together but they did both participate in the women's caucus. It was a bipartisan caucus and all female Representatives and Senators were members, but Christine didn't enjoy going to meetings. Caroline needed to bribe Christine the first few times to get her to participate. Christine didn't like admitting that she was even the slightest bit interested in what she perceived as women's issues, and distanced herself from them at every opportunity.

Caroline was too kind to point out that Christine actually knew more about gender theory than any other member of Congress, thanks to the four years she spent in Ann Arbor. Chrissy blamed it on supposedly being forced to take women's studies classes during college, but Caroline knew better. Her best friend was totally in the feminist closet, just begging to come out.

Which was probably why Christine still showed up to every caucus activity. They had gotten into the habit of scribbling surreptitious messages to each other while pretending to pay attention. To the casual observer it merely looked as if they were taking notes on whatever the speaker was saying. The biggest flaw in their plan was that Christine sometimes had to resist the urge to laugh out loud when reading Caroline's awful handwriting. Caroline had the same problem when Christine started doodling. Christine had quite a gift when it came to drawing snarky looking animals, and was also progressing nicely when it came to not taking herself too seriously.

As opposed to Ellen, who had taken on a leadership role in the caucus. Senator Goldman could be counted on for good fun when she was off the clock, but during the day she was all business. With just a hint of ambition.

"That's true," Caroline said. "Ellie's such a goody goody. She's a nice kid, though. I know you can't wait to spend more time with her in the upper chamber."

"My Senate campaign isn't a done deal yet. And Ellen's twenty years older than you."

"Whatever you say. Everyone's a kid to me, including you."

"Why are you so chirpy today? You were all twinkly when you were in the caucus meeting too."

Caroline leaned back and crossed her legs. "I got flowers this morning. It was nice."

Christine frowned. "I don't even want to know."

"Of course you want to know."

"Fine, I want to know."

"They were from Jack. He shocked the hell out of Jen and Katie. They were in the process of opening the card when I walked in the door."

"Because they remembered what happened last year. My goodness."

The distress in Christine's voice brought Caroline down a little, and she wrapped her arms around herself. "I'm still trying to forget that."

"I know you are," Christine said. "It scared me. It really did."

"You weren't even there."

"I know enough about what happened. We were all very concerned for you back then."

"And you're not anymore?"

"You know what I mean. It was part of the reason I-" Christine squeezed her hands together.

"You what?"

"Never mind."

Christine didn't like to talk about their living arrangement. She'd sublet her apartment the previous February, taking a huge financial hit in the process. She refused to discuss it further after she'd done it, but had shown up in Caroline's office one day and told her that she was moving in to help. And made it perfectly clear that it was not up for discussion. Other than getting to know each other's interesting domestic quirks, Caroline and Christine didn't really talk about it.

Caroline respected Christine's limitations and knew better than to push certain topics. Chrissy really had no good reason to stay with them anymore but hadn't made any move to rent another place on Capitol Hill. Caroline was sure that if she brought it up, Christine would do her best to dodge the question. So she kept her mouth shut. After a year of living together their friendship had gotten stronger and they were pretty much like college roommates, except there were two children in the house as well.

Christine broke the silence. "So, McIntyre gave you flowers, eh?"

"He did. They were lovely. And then he bought me lunch."

Christine crooked an eyebrow at her.

"We're just friends," Caroline asserted.

Christine crossed her arms. "You've been spending a large amount of time with him since the new session started."

"He makes me laugh. And he's reasonably intellectual."

"I should have never let you talk me into inviting him to that party."

"Don't be ridiculous. I'm glad he came. Otherwise he and I wouldn't be friends."

"And you think that's all he wants?"

"What more would he want?"

"Caroline, are you dense?"

Caroline felt a twinge of anger. "Don't insult me, Christine. He gave me flowers. He's a friend. It was nothing."

"You are so naïve sometimes."

"You're just pissed that Tom stopped doing stuff like that for you since you don't appreciate it."

"For your information, Thomas is on his way here now to take me to dinner. And you just unintentionally proved my point."

"How nice for you. And I did not."

Christine's tone changed. "I'm sure Tom is taking me out only because he feels obligated. So don't get too excited."

Caroline metaphorically kicked herself. She knew better than to play games with Christine's insecurities. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to snap at you. That was a low blow."

Christine ignored her apology. "You think you're the only female in Washington who's caught Congressman McIntyre's attention?"

"I never thought about it. I told you, Chrissy. We're friends. I wish you wouldn't get so upset about it."

"I will get upset. You need to watch yourself."

"I'm a big girl," Caroline said. "I can take care of myself."

"And you did such a great job of that last year."

Caroline stood up. "I said I was sorry for that remark about Tom. If you're going to keep being a bitch I'm ending this conversation now."

Christine rose from the couch and clutched Caroline's elbow. "Wait. I shouldn't have said that. But I want you to be careful. That man is a philanderer. And you're vulnerable."

"I'm not interested in him in that way."

"I'm not sure that matters. He has a reputation. I've heard stories like you wouldn't believe. Worse than what I've already told you."

"That doesn't matter to me. He's a friend. It's not going further than that."

"Make sure that it doesn't. You're too good for him, Punky. Much too good."

Caroline took a deep breath. "He's not my type. All right?"

The doorbell rang and Christine instantly moved toward the foyer. "That'll be my hot date, I suppose. I'm sorry I was so harsh before. Just...be careful."

Caroline walked over to the front door with her. "I'm not even close to wanting a relationship right now. You have nothing to worry about."

"I'll worry about you anyway. Because you matter to me." Christine swung open the door. "Hello, Thomas."

Tom stepped inside with a bouquet of flowers.

Caroline smiled at him. "Chrissy, stop being all mawkish with me and let your husband take you out for a romantic dinner. And he brought you such lovely calla lilies. Want to hear my Katharine Hepburn impression?" she asked in her best New England accent.

Tom kissed Caroline on the cheek. "They're actually for you. Nice reference."

"I love _Stage Door_."

"That's exactly what I thought of when I bought them. Could you act out that entire scene?"

"Probably. I could do most of _The Lion in Winter_ , too."

"Chrissy does a mean Queen Eleanor. Emphasis on mean."

Caroline took the flowers out of Tom's hand. "No chocolates or teddy bears for your wife?" she asked.

"She only gets a free meal. And probably not much beyond that."

Christine pulled her coat out of the hall closet. "I'm standing right here, you know."

Caroline gave Tom a hug. "Thanks, Thomas," she said pointedly.

Tom grimaced. "Cut that Thomas shit out, Punky. Only Chrissy pulls that."

"Watch your language," Christine scolded, and turned to Caroline. "Will you and the girls be okay?"

"We're fine. I'm going to grill up some hamburgers and we'll make cookies later. I assume I may not see you until tomorrow?"

Christine rolled her eyes as Tom helped her put on her coat. "It's probably safe for you to assume I'll be back before you've even gone to bed, what with my husband's generous offer of dinner and nothing else. Looks like you're cleaning up in the flower department today."

"Don't ask." Caroline rolled her eyes as Tom gave her a puzzled look. "I'm sure Chrissy will complain to you all night."

"Great," Tom said. "I can't wait. See you later, kid."

"You two lovebirds have fun," Caroline told them, laughing as Christine stuck her tongue out at her on the way out the door.

She locked the door behind them and went into the kitchen to make dinner. Christine was a little frigid at times but Caroline knew much of it was manufactured. As was Tom's ribbing. If he had booked a hotel room somewhere, Christine definitely wouldn't be coming back that night. Whether or not Tom would get lucky was an open question. It probably depended on how much wine he could trick Chrissy into drinking.

But some of what Christine had told her still stung. She was only being protective, but Caroline knew that Chrissy secretly believed that she was much too nice sometimes. Maybe most of the time. Caroline conceded the possibility that there was more to the flowers, but that was preposterous. And Christine was probably right. God only knew how many women Jack had on the sly. She hadn't really heard anything but maybe she needed to pay more attention.

Not that it mattered; she still wasn't interested in dating anyone. Not yet. But Caroline grasped one thing for sure. She definitely wasn't going to talk about Jack McIntyre with Christine Sullivan anymore.

# Chapter Five

Livingston and Savage were sitting at the large conference table in the meeting room near their offices. Bill glanced at his watch. Lieutenant Mitchell was late for their scheduled appointment.

"Where is that kid?" he asked.

"Not a clue. Maybe everything's slipping, including military punctuality."

Bill hadn't seen the man since that first encounter. Mitchell had never been present for any conference calls, face to face meetings...it was as if he just vanished into the wind. He was sick of this shit and knew Maureen was, too. Although Representative Gerard wasn't the first political prisoner to be housed within their facility, she was the highest profile. And definitely the one with the best public reputation.

Martial law. Political prisoners. The majority of Americans with the wool still pulled over their eyes. Bill never thought he'd live to see the way things had evolved over the past year. None of what the Army was doing made any sense. The constant pestering, the insistence upon discharging patients who weren't fully recovered, the requests to violate every single ethical standard the hospital had in order to give them what they wanted...it was totally outside his realm of understanding.

They heard loud footsteps coming down the hall and straightened up. A burly, angry looking man walked into the room.

"Drs. Livingston and Savage?" he asked.

Bill nodded. "That's us." He scanned the insignia and identifiers on the man's service uniform. "What can we do for you, Colonel...Slade?"

"I'm here to speak to you about the prisoner you refuse to release," Slade said brusquely.

"Where is Lieutenant Mitchell?" Maureen asked.

"That is none of your concern," Slade snapped.

"He was our first contact," Bill pointed out. "We had hoped to have a satisfactory working relationship. I'd like to know what happened."

"He has been reassigned," Slade said. "That is all you need to know. This is my case now."

Bill glared at the man. "My answers haven't changed, if you've been privy to any of the conversations I've had with your fellow soldiers at INSCOM."

"They need to change. It's been three days. We have an investigation to conduct."

"And you will do it when Ms. Gerard has had some time to recover," Maureen said.

"No," Slade responded. "She needs to be discharged immediately."

"Under whose authority?" Bill asked.

Slade sneered at him. "Mine."

"Where's your warrant?" Bill asked.

"I do not require a warrant. She is a terror suspect."

Maureen laughed sarcastically, apparently unmindful of the man's reaction. "That's the most outlandish thing I've ever heard."

"Ms. Gerard is a United States citizen," Bill told Slade. "Last time I checked, the Constitution still applies to her and every other American."

"Not according to the latest Executive Order signed by the President."

Bill stared at the colonel. "Ah, yes. Interesting how there's really no judiciary or Congress to keep him under control anymore, isn't it?"

Slade eyed him. "Your patient is wanted for questioning for violations of the United States Criminal Code pertaining to treasonous activities. She is to be discharged immediately into the custody of the National Security Agency."

"No." Bill took a step toward the larger man. "She is still recovering from her injuries. The ones inflicted by your subordinates, in case you've forgotten. I cannot in good conscience release her from this facility."

"Your conscience doesn't matter. Our national security does."

Bill frowned. "I served this country in Vietnam. I saw atrocities that would make you retch, treatment of soldiers and civilians that would curl your toes. I don't give a shit about Santos' Executive Orders. I know proper military and criminal justice protocol, Colonel. I also know my own obligations as a medical practitioner. And I'll be damned if you're going to waltz in here without a warrant, without any proof whatsoever, and send a good American toward an inevitable death sentence. It isn't going to happen. Not on my watch."

Slade leered at him. "So it finally comes out. Are you harboring seditious thoughts yourself, Dr. Livingston?"

Maureen broke in. "Are we really at the point where merely expressing a desire to abide by the law is a treasonous offense?"

Bill brought his hand up. "Don't get involved in this, Dr. Savage."

Slade chuckled. "Wouldn't want the little lady getting herself in trouble too, now would we?"

She stepped forward and opened her mouth, but Bill pushed her behind him.

"I mean it, Maureen. Don't get involved in this." He turned back to the colonel. "Ms. Gerard is in no condition to be released. I will not let her leave the confines of this hospital without a warrant signed by a judge. Is that understood?"

Slade narrowed his eyes. "You don't want this fight, old man."

"My obligations to my patients far outweigh any obligation I have to the United States Military," Bill said. "This is my hospital, my rules, my profession's ethical standards. And you know damn well that you're breaking any number of laws by behaving in this manner. Unless those laws no longer apply to you. Is that what you're trying to tell me?"

The colonel straightened his uniform jacket. "Ms. Gerard will be transferred to our holding facility within the next week. Is that clear?"

Bill folded his arms. "Not without papers. Am I clear?"

Slade tucked his dress hat under his arm and started marching toward the door. He spun around to face the doctors. "Yours is not the last word on this matter."

"I've worked for the American people for almost fifty years," Bill said. "As a grunt, as a Marine officer, and as a VA doctor. They would be appalled if they knew what was really going on with this Administration. I am ashamed of all of you who have tossed this country's values and principles into the trash." He could feel Maureen shudder behind him.

"Your lack of cooperation will be recorded in my files," Slade's face was bright red. He turned and left the room. Bill slammed the door behind him.

Maureen turned to him, shaken. "Bill, what the hell? Do you want to get yourself arrested too?"

He rubbed his chin. "We can't let this happen, Maureen. We just can't. It stops now."

"What are we supposed to do about it?"

"We'll figure something out. You and I both know that young man was not reassigned."

Maureen shuddered again. "I don't want to think about that."

"Do me a favor," Bill said. "Make sure at least one of your friends or family members knows where you are at all times. Got it?"

Maureen nodded.

"They are violating the Constitution," he said. "They are violating any number of international treaties and conventions. They are violating the laws of human decency. And they are not going to get away with it." He strode toward the door. "I'll go check on Ms. Gerard. Go home and get some rest, Maureen. You look like shit."

Bill stood there, waiting for her to leave. Her hands were shaking.

"Go home," he repeated.

Her eyes widened. Maybe he'd sounded harsher than he intended. She pulled her car keys out of her pocket and ran out the door.

* * * * *

Bill sat down next to the sedated woman and took her hand. He was so tired. So incredibly tired. He'd been playing this game for decades and perhaps it had finally beaten him.

He didn't know why he suddenly felt compelled to get involved. He'd kept his mouth shut for so long, even though he figured out what was happening fairly quickly. He glanced over at Ms. Gerard. She was a smart woman. She'd figured it out too, maybe before anyone else. And where had it gotten her?

In the past he would have thought it odd that no one had mentioned the raids on television. Now he knew better. And many people knew what had happened. They couldn't hide the fact that the legislative branch was a shambles and a number of prominent current and former public officials had suddenly disappeared. Representative Gerard was the only one who had made an appearance at the VA hospital. So far.

Bill didn't know whether that was good or bad, but he assumed the worst. Either it meant she had survived somehow when others had failed, or it meant that she was the one they wanted the most.

Many others had been killed, others who had said and done less than she. Of course, those were just rumors, but Bill knew in his heart that they were borne from the truth. The lies spun by the Administration of disloyal Americans abandoning their country had done little to dissuade him from his belief that Santos and his men had been progressively picking off those who posed the greatest danger to them.

He squeezed the woman's hand and stood up. It was a long drive back to Bethesda. Traffic was lighter than it had been in years, but it was still not an easy jaunt. He'd pick up some flowers for his wife on the way home. She'd like that.

He gave Ms. Gerard one final glance before leaving the room. Her pulse was steady, her vitals strong. Her facial wounds were healing bit by bit, but her nose was still disfigured and her cheekbones swollen. He hoped she wasn't able to feel any pain.

Bill wasn't sure what he was going to do but he'd figure it out. They weren't going to get her. He'd see to that.

# Chapter Six

Caroline

March

It was almost spring, but the mild winter wasn't quite ready to completely disappear. Caroline stood at the window, watching the light snow falling outside. Her office faced the Capitol Building. She'd struck gold during the lottery for new offices, and had chosen this suite solely for the view.

She had a lot of random sports memorabilia in her office. She'd always been able to bribe Jen and Kathleen to help her move it, mostly with her legendary homemade cookies, other baked goods, and a healthy amount of booze. She was very picky about who she trusted with her keepsakes. The three of them would spend an afternoon wrapping and unwrapping autographed baseballs and other tchotchkes, rearranging bobbleheads, and making sure her Marquette and Notre Dame diplomas were hung properly. She had a particular devotion to Joe Girardi and Ryne Sandberg and it was reflected in the objects she displayed. Including her favorite item stashed in the corner below two game used Cubs jerseys she had hanging on the wall.

Jen and Kathleen hated having to move the old Wrigley Field turnstile Caroline insisted on putting in her office when the new term started. Before that, it had been in the basement of her home in Rockville with the rest of her collection. She picked it up from a prestigious online auction house right after she was elected to her first term. Nicky freaked when he found out how much she spent on it, but it was a little congratulatory present to herself that she knew he'd never buy for her.

The turnstile wasn't cheap and cost a ton to ship from Chicago to Maryland. Caroline bribed Jen and Katie with a couple of six packs and homemade pies, promising them that it would be no big deal to relocate the bulky item to Capitol Hill. The two of them were still pissed Caroline hadn't forced some male interns to help her move it instead. Her basement had more than a few stairs.

Caroline liked being reminded why she was serving in Congress in the first place, and seeing the snow swirling around the Capitol dome certainly did that. She was an absolute sucker for random moments of patriotic majesty. And random moments of baseball fandom, as her eyes fell on the turnstile, the jerseys, and her collection of vintage Chicago baseball nodders. Spring Training was not going well for the Cubbies so far. She was preparing herself for another season of hassling from the members of Congress from Missouri, almost all of whom were rabid Cardinals fans. She felt bad for the one Royals fan in their delegation. Poor guy never got any love.

But Caroline brought a lot of it on herself. She started a fantasy baseball league for House members the first season after she was sworn in. The mostly male Representatives in the league hadn't taken too well to losing to a woman. She maintained it was a coincidence that she kept winning year after year. Caroline was really good at wonky baseball stats and analysis and made lucky guesses when she drafted her sleepers each spring. But she might have still indulged in a few too many trash talking moments at the end of each year, reminding all of them that they'd been beaten by a girl. Again.

She heard a knock on her open door and turned around.

"Hi, Jack."

He was wearing his long winter coat, a cashmere scarf, and leather gloves. He looked ready to go outside. Her staff knew that it was okay for him to come in without checking with her first. After three months of friendship, Jack was now on a very short list of people who enjoyed that privilege.

Despite her friendly demeanor, Caroline did her best to keep her professional behavior in line with those of other House members. She'd meet with any constituent, any House or Senate member, any nonprofit entity, even lobbyists, no matter what they wanted to discuss. But Caroline was always careful not to be too casual with people she didn't know. It had been one of the most challenging adjustments she'd had to make when she arrived on Capitol Hill. She was used to being friendly and charming with everyone and being open from the start, even when she was a prosecutor dealing with attorneys and defendants. That didn't always work in Congress.

Jack stood next to her by the window. "How are we doing today? Enjoying the weather, I see."

It was still cold outside. Caroline eagerly anticipated the change in season but she also liked those last few days of March, before the green returned and the buds started to bloom. Sometimes she missed the harsh winters and lake effect snow of Chicago. But not much.

"One final snow." She unconsciously wrapped her arms around herself. "It's beautiful, don't you think?"

"It is. You have a hell of a view."

Every day she wondered how she'd gotten so lucky, and not just with regard to her office location. She felt the same way when she put on the lapel pin that identified her as a member of Congress. "I sure do."

"So," he said. "I know it's a bit chilly, but would you like to go grab some lunch?"

She had a couple of hours before she had to do anything important, and she knew he had a driver so she wouldn't have to walk in the slush.

"Are you buying?" she asked.

"You're a proud feminist. Aren't we supposed to go Dutch?"

"You're the one with all the cash. Friends with money are supposed to be kind and generous to those who have less."

He laughed. "It's my treat, then."

Caroline glanced at the schedule on her phone, even though she had it memorized. "I need to be back for a Judiciary hearing at three."

"Not a problem." Jack had already retrieved her coat, which was draped across the couch in her office. Formality wasn't exactly her strong suit. He held it out for her and helped her put it on.

She grabbed her gold and blue striped Marquette scarf off her leather desk chair and tucked it under the collar of the tea length wool coat. Caroline always enjoyed a touch of whimsy with her outfits. Maybe that was why she liked winter so much; she got to wear that scarf every day.

Jack laughed again as she buttoned her coat and put her gloves on. "Your loyalty to your alma mater knows no bounds."

"Ring out Ahoya!" Caroline declared proudly, and tweaked the cashmere around Jack's neck. "You might do well with a bit of blue and white from Villanova, yourself."

He fingered the dress scarf. "Not a chance. I like to keep it classy."

"Are you implying that my winter ensemble lacks grace?"

He put his hand on her back and guided her out the door. "No, I think it's cute. The Dubliner okay with you?"

Jack had known her long enough to know she preferred casual over prim and proper, especially when it came to lunch.

"Perfect," she said.

* * * * *

The pub was busy, but they seemed to have avoided much of the crowd. Given the weather, it was mostly folks who worked on Capitol Hill as opposed to tourists or other Washingtonians. Jack talked her into splitting an appetizer. He seemed to appreciate that she ate real food.

"A lot of women I know, particularly the women I've dated, order salads when they go out," he said, when the artichoke and spinach dip arrived. "Most of their meals match their personalities."

Caroline was still hesitant to ask him about his past. She hadn't yet heard any rumors about him continuing his womanizing ways once he arrived in Washington, but she only made a halfhearted attempt at seeking them out after the conversation she had with Christine. It wasn't as if there weren't opportunities around every corner. He was handsome, he had money, and he was a Congressman. A pretty seductive package.

"I make no secret of the fact that I really like food," Caroline said. "Good food. And my New Year's Resolution to get to the House gym on a more regular basis is failing miserably."

"You look great to me," Jack said.

She blushed and put some dip on her plate. "Thanks."

Jack spooned a huge amount of the dip on his own plate. Caroline was happy he was taking all the giant chunks of artichoke. She was more into the spinach and cheese.

"Do you know that you blush any time anyone says anything remotely nice about you?" he asked. "You sometimes do it when you're on Sunday morning talk shows too."

"I do?" One more thing for her to worry about when she made public appearances.

"I think it's sweet, but I don't understand it."

Caroline decided to subtly change the subject. "How's Washington treating you so far?"

"You ask me that every time we go to lunch."

"I never know if the answer has changed or not. The first few months are a bit of a whirlwind."

"I'm holding my own. There are a lot of secret rules to learn. And I've met some good people along the way."

"That helps."

"Of course, the nicest one - and don't blush \- is definitely you."

Caroline, naturally, blushed on cue. "That's not saying a whole lot. This town is full of assholes."

Jack scowled at her. "Caroline, seriously. I know you delight in being self-deprecating but you really need to give yourself more credit sometimes. That is not what I meant at all."

"I'm sorry."

"Don't apologize. I'm sure you must suspect that there are a great many people who both like and respect you around this place. Even those who may not be speaking to you right now."

The Minority Leader. Who was still pissed about her vote for Speaker Allen. And not even bothering to hide it.

"Guess I shouldn't have kept my promise to Bob, huh?"

"I'm glad you did. I bet Langlade respects you more for it, even if he's angry with you. That bought you a lot of praise from newly elected Republicans."

"And I'd been seeking their approval. Thank God."

Jack laughed. "I'm reminding you not to forget that maybe there's a reason you are one of the most well liked people on the Hill, and it's not because there are a lot of jerks here, too."

Caroline decided she'd had enough of this topic. Jack always seemed to bring their conversations back to her.

"Are you making any progress on the book I let you borrow?" she asked.

"The Shulamith Firestone one? _The Dialectic of Sex_? The one you foisted upon me?"

"Yes."

"Who names their daughter Shulamith?"

Caroline decided to pull out some useless knowledge. "It's the feminine form of the name Solomon. Her parents were Orthodox Jews."

"I'm impressed. You're like a jaunty Wikipedia page, except with far more obscure material."

"Hush. Have you read any of it?"

She and Jack regularly engaged in some particularly intense discussions about feminist theory and political philosophy. Caroline had a range of books on both topics and took to forcing them on him whenever she had the chance.

"I've read some of it," he said. "It's hard to get through. Some of what she says is pretty off the wall."

"I know. I don't agree with hardly any of her theories."

"You loaned me a book you don't like?"

"I didn't say I don't like it, but I don't necessarily agree with it. It challenges me and that's why I flip through it every once in a while. I have a ton of books by Friedrich Nietzsche and I don't agree with much of what he says at all."

"You don't strike me as much of a nihilist."

She returned his smile. "I guess not. _The Prince_ , _The Leviathan_ , anything by Marx and Engels, and just about everything by Nietzsche...they all have their issues. That doesn't mean they're useless."

"So if I loaned you _The Fountainhead_ would you read it?"

"Hell no."

" _Atlas Shrugged_?"

Caroline made a face. "No way."

"I thought you had an open mind."

"I hope I do, but objectivism breaks my heart. It's so contrary to anything loosely related to a spiritual life or a higher sense of purpose. I was put on this earth to help others, not look out for myself."

"That's a somewhat simplified version of Rand's theories but I'll admit I have a hard time reading her works too. In fact, I can't stand most of them." Jack smiled again. "I wanted to see how you'd react if I suggested the two books that drive so much of the ultraconservative wing of the Republican Party."

"I do like _Anthem_. Have you read it?"

"Indeed I have. I'm also a big fan of J.R.R. Tolkien and C.S. Lewis. I got into a lot of Catholic and Christian fiction authors when I was at Villanova. Philosophers too."

"The Order of St. Augustine schooled you well, then," she said.

"They sure did, on a great many subjects. As you know from my history, I'm a good Catholic boy through and through."

Caroline sniggered and helped herself to more dip. "I bet your salad girls would have a different take on that statement."

Jack looked a little uncomfortable after she said that, and she flushed guiltily. "I'm sorry, Jack. Your personal life is none of my business."

"It's okay," he said. "It's not like I can make my past go away. It was a pretty easy way of attacking me during the campaign."

"I haven't forgotten."

He looked her in the eyes. "I wasn't referring to what you said."

"I know."

"I've done things I'm not proud of. And I knew all my skeletons would come out once I ran for office. But what I didn't count on was realizing that I actually regretted some of the decisions I've made. Maybe having other people scrutinize your behavior teaches you a little bit about whether or not it's worthwhile."

"Or it teaches you that it's really none of their damn business."

"That may be true as well. But it's the way the game is played and we can't do much about it, can we?"

"We can still try to hold ourselves above the fray. I hadn't spent a single moment engaging in negative campaigning until last year. I deeply regret that misstep, too. I hated the way I felt and I don't ever want to feel that way again. The game isn't worth it for me."

"I'd agree with you but my conscience isn't as fully formed as yours," Jack said. "I had no problem attacking my opponent and feeling clean as the driven snow the next day. Clearly the Jesuits do a better job of instilling an appropriate amount of humility in their students than the priests at Villanova."

"Come on, Jack. Now you're the one not giving yourself enough credit."

Their sandwiches arrived and they chatted while they ate.

Caroline presented a somewhat disjointed diatribe on American hypocrisy regarding family values, parenthood, and public behavior. This was followed by a long-winded statement on feminism, non-revenue sports, and Title IX. She realized she'd been giving a monologue for a very long time without a response, and that Jack was focusing more on her words than on his food.

"You've got the best burger in Capitol Hill half eaten on your plate," she said. "Did the Title IX thing bore you?"

"Not at all. I'd never thought about it that way before, having played a revenue sport myself in college." Jack took a bite of his burger to mollify her. "And it's the best burger according to this particular establishment," he said. "Go down the street and see what they say about their food."

"Why would they lie?" Caroline asked with mock bewilderment. "What would they have to gain?"

He took another bite. "You're very easy to talk to. Sometimes I'd rather listen to what you have to say than eat another run of the mill burger."

"I don't think my philosophies on public policy are _that_ engaging," she said. "I assumed you'd stopped talking because you were falling asleep with your eyes open. My theories on the evils of the designated hitter are far more compelling than anything I have to say about the merits and hypocrisies of the feminist movement."

Jack smiled. "You're very genuine. I like that. It makes me quite comfortable with you. I'm sure that's why other people respond to you the way they do. You really are nothing like I thought you would be. I might have made some assumptions about you during the last campaign that weren't fair."

"I think we've both made up for it now, don't you agree?"

"Completely. Hey, how'd that slumber party go last week?"

"Having six ten and eleven year olds in your house on a Friday night is quite possibly the worst thing that could ever happen to a single parent. I'm pretty sure some of their behavior violated the Geneva Conventions. Never again."

"Did Marguerite have fun?"

"She had the time of her life. She had a sugar hangover the next morning. I didn't know such a thing existed. And I've eaten my fair share of sugar. She did mention on Sunday that she and Sophie want to have you back over for dinner more often. They think you cook better than I do."

"Really? I thought my efforts were pretty lousy."

"Better than mine. Their daddy was the cook in the family."

Caroline felt less gloomy than she had anticipated, mentioning her husband in front of Jack. But he paused for a respectful moment anyway.

She cleared her throat. "Do you ever wish that you had kids?"

He got a faraway look in his eyes. "Sometimes. But I think that ship has sailed."

"Anything is possible. You're still pretty young."

"I doubt it. I think I'm too selfish to be a good parent, anyway."

"That's not a very nice thing to say about yourself."

"You don't think I'm selfish?"

"You're not selfish around me." Caroline grinned guilelessly. "You _are_ paying for my lunch, after all."

"I was hoping you'd forgotten about that."

"Nope. I don't forget the important things, like free meals."

"I think you're doing quite an admirable job," Jack said. "It's clear that you're devoted to your daughters, and they adore you. You're a wonderful little family. I'm sorry you're still having such a trying time."

"It's been better lately. It certainly doesn't hurt that I've got another person in my life to help me laugh a little more."

Jack feigned shock. "Surely you don't mean me? Because I've noticed you mostly laugh at my expense."

"That's why I'm glad you're around." Caroline laughed. "Nicky used to say the same thing you just did."

Jack looked at his watch. "We've got about an hour. The snow has stopped. Shall we make our way back to the salt mines?"

"Sure."

* * * * *

After lunch they had his driver drop them off near the park in front of the Capitol. They took a short stroll to the reflecting pool even though Caroline was wearing stiletto heels, which were incredibly impractical in the snow. But the groundskeepers did a good job shoveling and the salt kept the sidewalks from turning into much more than wet pavement.

Caroline was captivated by the layer of white covering the grass, the benches, and the trees. It made everything pure and clean. She knew that it would soon turn gray and slushy but she didn't care. There was no one else around, not even staffers or other members of Congress; most of them were quite happy to take the underground tunnels until spring reared its head.

She and Jack meandered along the reflecting pool and pretended to say deep, profound things to one another about how they had been inspired by the dirty water to commit themselves to a better life, before deciding to walk through the park back to their offices.

On a whim, Caroline grabbed a handful of snow off a park bench and made a tight snowball. Jack hadn't noticed her stop, and he was more than a few feet ahead of her. She whizzed the snowball at him, hitting him square in the back.

"Hey!" He sounded angry, but when he turned around he was smiling. "What was that for?"

"Just a reminder that feminists have good aim."

"Oh really?" He crouched down to grab two large handfuls of snow for himself.

"I bet you throw like a girl," Caroline taunted.

"I'm going to tell the National Organization for Women you said that." Jack packed the snow carefully. "They're gonna revoke your membership."

"Not a chance," Caroline said. "I'm too likeable. Charming feminists are a rare breed in Washington."

"Indeed they are," Jack said. "But lest you forget, I did play Division I basketball."

"Basketball players almost never learn how to play baseball properly," Caroline said. "Too caught up in running suicides and doing dribbling exercises."

He held up the snowball he'd made with his thumb and forefingers. It was significantly bigger than the one she had thrown at him.

"Wanna try those odds?" Jack asked.

Caroline spread her arms wide. "Go right ahead."

Jack threw the snowball at her and it grazed her left arm. She was mildly impressed. "Nicely done, Mr. Point Guard." Then she saw the bemused look on his face. "You weren't aiming for my arm, were you?"

"Of course I was," he said.

"You Republicans lie oh so well."

"Wanna try those odds again?" He grabbed another large pile of snow.

Caroline ran into the snow covered grass despite the fact that she was wearing a skirt suit under her coat. The cold against her almost bare feet shocked her but she kept going. This was kind of fun.

He marched after her with a fresh snowball in his hand and she darted back and forth. "It's probably a lot harder for you to hit a moving target," she said.

The act of weaving through the snow in heels caused her breath to speed up. It took much more effort than if she had been wearing boots. Her feet were wet and she knew she'd have to change before she went to the hearing she was scheduled to attend later. Luckily she had a few spare pairs of nylons, shoes, and other clothing items stashed in her office in case of emergencies. Caroline started breathing even faster, realizing she'd lost some of her stamina. She really had to get back to the gym.

"It's actually a lot easier." Jack threw the second snowball as hard as he could, clipping her in the shoulder.

The large snowball smashed all over the place. Some of the wetness caught Caroline in the eyes and she instinctively started to wipe it away.

Jack dashed over to her. "Let me do that. Your mascara might run." He quickly pulled a handkerchief out of his coat pocket and dabbed at the moisture on her cheek. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to hit you quite so close to your face."

"I might have goaded you into it." Caroline laughed nervously. "And it's good to know that I was right. Your aim really isn't that great after all."

She was surprised at how gentle his touch was, and resisted a very unexpected urge to seize onto his coat lapels. Jack tenderly wiped the last of the snow off her face, brushed her hair back behind her ear, and put the handkerchief in his pocket.

"Well, then," he said. "We'd best get back to work, right?"

It was strange, Caroline thought, as they walked in almost complete silence back to Rayburn. She was overanalyzing what happened. She and Jack were just friends. They'd become quite chummy since January and she enjoyed spending time with him. But the way he looked at her after he'd started wiping away the snow....

It was almost as if he was going to kiss her. But it had been her imagination. Jack didn't view her in that way. Caroline wrapped her arms around herself and quickened her pace. She didn't want to admit that there was a part of her, a very small part, that wished he did.

# Chapter Seven

Caroline

April

It was shortly before Easter. Jack had come over for dinner that night and cooked for all of them, including Christine. Chrissy didn't say much during the meal and muttered something about work as soon as she was finished eating. She still passive-aggressively refused to call Jack anything other than John or Representative McIntyre, a sure sign that she was not pleased to have to spend time with him.

Marguerite and Sophie enjoyed dinner very much, taking several friendly pokes at their mother's inability to provide them with healthy yet tasty meals. Sophie then insisted that Jack read her a story before bed. She was an incredibly shy child, and Caroline was shocked that she seemed so comfortable with Jack. Marguerite kissed them both goodnight and went upstairs shortly after Sophie went to sleep.

Caroline gave Jack a piece by piece tour of her memorabilia collection. He seemed fascinated by her knowledge of baseball history, although he thought her decorative scheme was a little unique. Nicky had felt the same way. He spent hours trying to figure out why she enjoyed buying jerseys, helmets, gloves, and shoes that had been worn by other men, many of whom happened to be easy on the eyes.

After her tour, which Jack tolerated with surprisingly good humor, they settled onto the couch. Caroline pressed a DVD set into Jack's hands.

"You have to watch this. _Ken Burns' Baseball_. It's incredible. And I bought it straight from PBS so it's dripping with charitable goodness."

He held it up by the corner. "Ew. I suppose you expect me to watch this during the hours of free time I have?"

"Make time," she said firmly.

"I'd much rather spend it with you."

"We could watch it together, then. I've seen it more than a few times."

"I'd like that." Jack turned so that he was facing her on the couch. "I hear Murdock is trying to get you to date him."

"Who told you that?"

"I have sources."

Jeffrey Murdock, a Democrat from Scranton and the surrounding area, had asked her out after a Homeland Security hearing earlier that week. It was the second time he asked, and the second time she said no. He'd also done it a couple of months after Nicky died, which Caroline found to be disrespectful and in very poor taste. Mostly because he wasn't all that gentlemanly about it, propositioning her at a Democratic social gathering after more than a few drinks. For the most part, using lewd and inappropriate language to describe her anatomy was not the best way to convince her to go out with anyone.

Caroline thought he was slime and Christine confirmed her beliefs. Not that Representative Sullivan wasn't biased; there weren't all that many Democrats in the Pennsylvania delegation to begin with. But he was definitely a slug. Caroline hated the rumors floating around that he was hoping to move up to bigger and better things once he made a name for himself in the House. He certainly didn't deserve to be rewarded for being such a horrible person. It drove her nuts that he was allowed to sit on one of the most sensitive committees in Congress.

She knew Murdock only asked her out because she was considered to be a rising star, and he'd do anything to get ahead. There was simply something about him she didn't like. Caroline wasn't one to speak ill of other members of Congress but if anyone asked her for her honest opinion of him, she had no trouble giving it.

"Is there some sort of Congressional gossip mill I'm not a part of?" she asked Jack.

"There is," he said. "But that's not where I heard it."

"Who told you?"

"There are more than a few staffers on Capitol Hill who shall remain nameless, but who are quite enamored of me."

"Evidently there are." Caroline tried not to roll her eyes. "And?"

"And they might be a little jealous of you."

What a nice little ego boost. "Of me? Really?"

"You monopolize a lot of my time."

"I'm willing to share you if you need to have, you know, some sexy parties."

Jack guffawed. "Those women are vultures. And they have very sharp tongues."

"So you don't want to have a little roll in the hay with them?"

"Absolutely not," he said. "But it seems to be what those young ladies want from me."

Caroline eyed him curiously, then decided it wasn't worth it to pursue the topic further. "I hear Murdock is considering throwing his hat into the ring for the gubernatorial race next fall. Have you heard anything?"

Jack cleared his throat. "Not a word."

"He's a jerk." Caroline tried not to shudder as she thought of Murdock. Such a creeper. She didn't know why voters couldn't see it. "I hope he runs and loses. I wonder who'll run for the GOP nomination."

"I have no idea," he said quietly.

"Well, anyway, he asked me out and I cordially declined. I hope he got the hint. This is the second time I've turned him down."

"Not ready to date yet?"

"No." Caroline grimaced. "Never ready to date a jackass like that."

"I'm glad you have no problem seeing the flaws in many of the members of your own party."

"We're all flawed, Jack. Some more than others. And Murdock is definitely not my cup of tea. Plus, I never liked dating," Caroline said.

"Why not?"

"I don't know. The infatuation phase was nice, but I like knowing the person I'm with. I don't like the mystery. I prefer security."

"You make yourself sound very boring. And you're not."

"In a lot of ways, I am. I prefer a simple life. Maybe that's why I hate the superficial side of this job."

"So you're not one for surprises?"

"No, they're all right. Even though, oddly enough, I don't like being the center of attention."

"I noticed. But what if it was only one person paying attention to you?"

"That would probably be okay."

"Then why not start dating again?"

"It doesn't feel right, not yet. Maybe with the right man."

"Maybe."

"I do miss sex." Caroline laughed uneasily. Where had that come from? "I'm sorry, that was rather blunt."

"I bet there are more than a few men in Washington who could help you address that issue. And none of them are named Jeffrey Murdock." Jack tried not to smirk.

This time, Caroline did roll her eyes. "Don't be a douche."

"I'm serious," he insisted. "You're well liked for more than your personality."

"I'd rather not think about it. Bunch of dirty old men."

"I wouldn't necessarily say that," Jack said.

Caroline and Nicky had slept together the night before he died. She'd used her marginal seduction skills to coax him into it. It hadn't lasted all that long, just run of the mill, routine marital sex.

"People never really think about the last time they're going to have sex with someone," she said. "The last time they're going to kiss them goodbye. The last time they'll hear the other person's voice. We take our relationships, our spouses, our partners for granted until one day, poof, it's over. Maybe we'd all be a little better off if we lived each day as if it might be the last."

"That would be exhausting," Jack said. "No one could do that without driving themselves insane."

"It might be fun to try."

"That's because you're crazy."

"Probably."

"But in a good way."

Caroline grinned. "I guess the point of what I was saying is that yes, I really miss sex. Among the other joys of being in a committed relationship. But also the sex."

Jack eyed her again, but he no longer looked thoughtful. There was something else there, something she couldn't put her finger on.

"Do you find other ways to...seek pleasure?" he asked.

Caroline should have been mortified by such an intrusive question. She knew exactly what he was getting at, even though he was trying to be subtle. And she wasn't embarrassed at all. Even though she was blushing. A little.

"I, um, take care of myself," she said.

He gave her an obnoxious grin. "That's all well and good, but it's always more enjoyable when there's someone else in the room."

Her discomfort faded. Jack could be pretty unintentionally cute sometimes. "That's definitely true. Are you saying I should give those dirty old men a chance?"

"Maybe." He patted her leg affectionately. "When you're ready."

Caroline twirled her engagement ring, her mood changing. She still did that sometimes – go from laughter one minute to pain the next. Especially when she thought about her husband or of the very strong likelihood that she would spend the rest of her life alone.

"I took advantage of my marriage," she said. "I assumed it would always be there waiting for me. That Nicky would always be there. That everything would stay the same while it continued to change. But I took everything he gave me for granted. His capability as a father, his constant love and affection, his support. I was with him for so long that I never thought that anything could ruin what we had. I finally arrived at that safe and secure place I always wanted and I forgot how lucky I was to have it. And then it was gone. All of it."

Jack was watching her solicitously, the grin long since vanished. He reached over and squeezed her hand, and she knew he didn't know what to say.

"I'm sorry." Caroline rubbed her hands together. "I didn't mean to go on like that."

"I sense you took it for granted less than you think," he said. "And it's not all gone. You have two beautiful children, and from what I can tell they are very much like both of their parents."

"Sometimes I think all I ever do is talk to you about how much I miss Nicholas. How much I miss my old life."

"There's nothing wrong with that. You've had a lot to process over the past year. A friend of mine who's a psychologist told me once that friendship, love, any sort of relationship is like a diamond. When you're trying to consider or examine it, you can't see the entire thing. You can't view every single angle, every cut, every aspect of it at once. All you have to do is turn it to see a part of it you'd never noticed before. It's impossible to deal with it all at the same time."

"You think that's what I've been doing?"

"You are a very giving, loving woman. There is no doubt in my mind that you were deeply in love with your husband. Unless he was a complete idiot he felt the same way about you."

Caroline cleared her throat. "I did love him, very much. I still do. Nicky was a wonderful man. I wish you could have known him."

"I do too," Jack said. "I think I would have liked him, even if he didn't like me."

"He would have liked you."

"I don't know about that. I'm not sure I'm nearly as reliable and stable as he was."

"Doesn't mean you wouldn't have gotten along. Nicky loved everyone he met with very few exceptions. It was one of the best things about him." She turned to Jack, tears welling up in her eyes. "I'm sorry," she sniffled. "I don't mean to get emotional on you."

He put a reassuring hand on her shoulder. "There's no proper timeline for grief, Caroline. When my parents died, it took me a long time to work through it. I still have days where I remember what it was like to try to manage those feelings, and it brings it all back up again. But I still have my brother." He grinned. "Even if we barely speak."

"Maybe you should reach out to him," Caroline suggested. "I always wished I had a sibling. Once your family is gone you can't get them back. I handled Nicky's death so much more poorly than I did when my parents passed away. What upsets me more than anything is how I felt right after it happened. I think back on that and I wish I'd done things differently. I totally abandoned my children while I retreated inside myself for the first couple of days. Thank God for Chrissy and Tom, Jenny and Katie. If my friends hadn't been around me, I might have completely lost it."

"You're too strong to fall apart. I think you know that, even if you can't admit it out loud."

Caroline patted Jack's knee. "I feel like I've known you much longer than I have. You've done so much for me these last few months. You know that, don't you?" She laughed. "Oh my God, you're blushing."

"I am not."

"You are. I thought you were far too egotistical for that."

"Egotistical?" Jack asked, sounding insulted. "Not in the least. I've just been spending too much time with you."

"I see the chink in your armor. Deep down inside you're a pushover, I know it. You're not an asshole at all."

"Douchebag with a heart of gold?"

"Pretty much. I know who you really are. You're not fooling me."

"Oh, I've convinced a great many people that I'm an asshole. Do your research."

"I have," Caroline said. "And I don't believe a word of it."

Jack's mood changed quickly. "Well, you should," he snapped. "Because almost everything you'll read about me, how I made my money, how I've used people, how I've done all the things that have been deemed successes...everything you'll read is the truth. Every accomplishment I've ever had is because I've treated people like shit in order to achieve it."

She opened her mouth to speak, then saw the irritated look on his face and stopped.

He waved his hand at her. "Don't, Caroline. You know how I made my first million? I bought up a small struggling company, laid off all its workers, and sold it to a giant conglomerate that treated their existing employees like shit. No benefits, barely any vacation, long hours – the worst stereotype of the worst corporation you can imagine. And I did it over and over, scores of times, and never lost a minute of sleep over it. Once you do it the first time it's very easy to do it again. Do you know how many people I've hurt so that I could live in the manner I desired? How much do you really know about me, about the kind of man I truly am? I'm not a good person and you know it."

"That's an inexcusable thing to say about yourself," Caroline said. "And I know enough about the media to know that very little of what they say is accurate."

"In my case, it is."

She took his hand. "You are not a bad person."

"I am." He pulled away from her. "Everything I've done in my life has been for my benefit alone. I am egotistical. I'm incredibly self-centered. I have no regard for anyone other than myself."

"What about what you've done for me the past few months?" Caroline asked him. "Do you know what last year was like for me? Ask Christine, Jenny, Katie, Ellen, anyone. They'll tell you. My behavior was abysmal. I yelled all the time, tried to push everyone away, tried to do anything to forget what it was like to love people, to feel anything, to get attached to anyone. I said a number of regrettable things to my own children, things I can never take back. And you know from personal experience that I treated people I didn't know, such as certain Republican candidates, with incredible disdain and disrespect."

Her voice caught. "Then I met you. And the sun started shining again. My life had been so cloudy and bleak. I thought I'd never be able to feel happy. I'd almost forgotten what it was like to be anything other than miserable. But you make me laugh. You let me burden you with my troubles. Every day you listen to me and never once complain about it. You've done so much for me, Jack."

"How do you know I'm not doing all of this for my own selfish wants and needs?"

"Because you aren't. I trust you. And your friendship. I don't know where I'd be if I didn't have you in my life." Caroline squeezed Jack's hand. "I can get up in the morning and not dread the day. I enjoy going to work. I crack silly jokes again. And I look forward to seeing you, wondering what kind of story you're going to tell me or what new topic you want to discuss. You're a good man. I refuse to think otherwise."

"You're wrong," he said.

"I'm not. Maybe you don't believe it because you've internalized all the foul comments that people have made about you."

"I can't take back all the rotten things I've done."

"If you think they were that bad, you can remedy them. Anything is possible. You can always move forward."

"I don't know how to be anything other than ruthless."

"Of course you do. You're not that way with me."

"I might act that way, eventually. Do you want to take that chance?"

"I do. I want to help you understand who you truly are. You can't see the impact you've had on me, but it's been profound. And I want to thank you. Thank you for giving me my life back. Thank you for your warmth and companionship. Thank you for being who I know you truly are." She looked down at her lap. "Thank you," she said softly.

"You're a remarkable woman. I'm grateful for every minute I spend with you." Jack cupped her face in his hands. "And I'm flattered that you consider me worthy of your friendship."

"I'm very glad you found me at that party," Caroline whispered.

"So am I," Jack said. "Best decision I ever made."

Caroline looked away from him. The way his eyes were exploring her...she couldn't stand it. It was too soon for her to feel this way, for her to let anyone in. Maybe she shouldn't have said those things to him.

"Sweetheart, you're trembling." He stroked her cheek and she turned back to face him. "It's all right. Don't be afraid."

He'd called her "sweetheart." Why had he done that?

Jack held her gaze and started to bring his lips closer to hers. Caroline knew what was going to happen and turned her head to the side. She squeezed her eyes shut again as he withdrew from her.

"It's late." She wrapped her arms around herself. "I think you should go."

"Caroline-"

"It's okay," she said. "I'm just tired."

She heard a small sigh and turned to look at him. He appeared to be incredibly disappointed.

"I apologize." He stood up. "I shouldn't have done that. I'll show myself out."

Caroline tried to compose herself as he started to walk away. "Wait." She got up off the couch, meeting him at the foot of the stairs. She took his hand. "I'm sorry," she said. "I-"

Jack pulled his hand away from hers. "You don't have to explain yourself to me. I understand."

"You're a good friend. I don't-"

"Caroline, stop. It's fine." He started walking up toward the first floor.

"Jack, please. Wait."

He turned around as she tried to catch up with him. "I mean it. You don't have to say anything. I'm here for you, no matter what." His eyes were distant. "As your friend and colleague. That's it."

Caroline looked down at the unfinished wood on the stairs. One of the many projects she let fall through the cracks after Nicky died. She felt another pang of regret thinking about him. About what had almost happened with Jack. But she wasn't going to let it trouble her. She misinterpreted Jack's signals. That was all.

"Okay," she whispered. "I'll see you tomorrow."

# Chapter Eight

**Caroline**

May

Friday nights were reserved for family. Always. Caroline wanted to spend a quiet evening alone with her children but when they asked if Jack could come over, she wasn't about to disappoint them. Things had been awkward between the two of them but they'd still seen each other almost every day, acting as if their almost kiss had never taken place.

Maybe that was for the best. Caroline enjoyed having Jack in her life. She didn't want to lose him as a friend. And even though it had been uncomfortable asking him to stop by, he seemed more than happy to do it, especially since Caroline let it slip that Christine would already be back in Philadelphia for the weekend.

Caroline loved her Fridays because she was able to leave work early and spend a little more quality time with the girls before she had to start making constituent events the next morning. Mo and Feef were usually willing to come along with her but never acted all that thrilled to do it, so Caroline had arranged for their regular afterschool babysitter to hang out with them for most of the weekend while she schlepped herself across her district.

But tonight belonged to them. Jack cooked for them again, whipping up a chicken parmigiana dish. Marguerite, Sophie, and Caroline threw together the dessert. The four of them then played a rather animated game of Monopoly before Mo and Feef went off to bed. Sophie again insisted that Jack read her a story and gave him a big hug when he left the room. Marguerite didn't need any tucking in but still told Jack how nice it was to have him over.

Caroline wasn't quite sure how the two of them ended up in the basement again; she was afraid that the extra floor in between them and the children would mean that something else, something unpredictable, would happen. But she knew it was all in her head.

"My girls really like you," she told Jack.

"I know," he said. "I don't get it."

"They're good judges of character. They've never been wrong."

"I'm sure they've been wrong once or twice."

"Nope."

"I like them too," Jack said. "Very, very much. Mostly because they remind me of you."

"They're also their own little people."

"Oh, definitely," he agreed. "But your bond with them is more than obvious. And they don't seem to think of me as an intruder, which I like."

"They like having normal people around."

Jack chuckled. "I'm far from that."

"You treat them like kids but you don't condescend to them. They appreciate that."

He smiled at her. "Marguerite and I had a very spirited, advanced discussion on _The Wealth of Nations_ before we started playing Monopoly. She's quite intelligent. But I suspect you know that."

"What was your first clue?" Caroline asked.

"Oh, I think the fact that she beat a woman with a law degree and a man with an MBA at a game of cunning and strategy was pretty telling. And a kid her age shouldn't know nearly as much as she does about complicated economic concepts."

"Did you two really talk about Adam Smith?"

"Yes."

"I can't even hold a conversation about that kind of crap without feeling like a troglodyte," Caroline said. "She must have studied up online or at the library, because I don't have any books like that in the house."

"That's because you're a bleeding heart." Jack grinned. "Not a troglodyte."

"I just have other boring interests, like philosophy and sociology. Ask Mo about Carl Jung or Alexis de Tocqueville the next time you come over."

"I will." He shook his head. "She's only eleven."

"She _is_ smart," Caroline said. "Incredibly smart. She tests much better than I did at her age, and I did extremely well. Sometimes it's hard to keep up with her when she gets on a tear but she's careful only to do it with people she knows won't be put off by it."

"Sophie can hold her own, too."

Caroline's sensitive youngest child tried her best, but was often overshadowed by her big sister. "Indeed she can, but she's less forward about it. It's harder for her since Mo is so far ahead of where she is."

"They seem to get along pretty well."

She wondered how long that phase was going to last. "Their father's influence."

Jack squeezed her hand. "I've seen the way they interact with you. It wasn't all him."

"Mo has an IQ that's off the charts. MENSA level. I still haven't told her."

"Why not?"

"I don't want it to go to her head."

"I don't see what it would hurt."

"It's not just that," Caroline said. "She's done so well with maintaining a solid group of friends and keeping up her grades and playing sports...I don't want her to feel different. To start second guessing herself. She'll have plenty of time to do that as she gets older. And she already tries to dumb herself down sometimes in ways that make me extremely unhappy."

"You don't want her to hide her intelligence."

"No. I don't."

"You do it sometimes," Jack observed.

She frowned. "I don't play dumb or anything, do I?"

"No," he said hastily. "I guess you don't really hide your intelligence. But you're very adaptable. You do a good job of relating to people no matter their intellectual level or educational background. That's a wonderful gift to have. And it's probably easy for you because you're so damn smart."

Aha. She knew a compliment was coming from him at some point. The frown relaxed into a smile. "Thanks."

They lapsed into silence again. It felt awkward but Caroline wasn't sure how to address it.

"I've missed you a little," Jack said.

"Really?"

"Seeing you is usually the highlight of my day." He looked at her with concern. "How have you been doing lately?"

"I'm all right." Caroline was not eager to get into a deep discussion with him, because she didn't want to admit that things had been pretty lousy. "How about you?"

"I'm all right," he echoed, but his tone didn't match his words. "I've got a few things to do in Philadelphia this weekend but I definitely want to spend some more time here before I head home. I'll probably drive up in the morning."

"Any dance contests?" she asked.

Jack laughed. "No. Where did that come from?"

"I might have done a little more checking up on you. I saw some footage of you swing dancing at a campaign stop."

"Ah, that was a good night." He laughed again. "There was a little old lady who used to do the jitterbug who insisted we sashay across the floor. She didn't tell me that her granddaughter was recording the entire thing. Or that she was still in such outstanding shape. She wore me out."

"You looked good," Caroline said. "Where'd you learn how to dance like that?"

"Cotillions for formal dancing, and I learned swing in college. The basketball groupies and sorority sisters loved that almost as much as my athletic ability."

She looked down at her hands. "Do you think you could teach me how to dance like that?"

Jack sounded surprised. "Sure, if you want."

"I've always wanted to learn how to dance properly. Nicky and I learned a few basic moves before our wedding but he wasn't all that good at it."

"You need a man who knows how to lead," he said. "I don't mean that as an anti-woman or an anti-Nick statement."

"No, it's true. You have to be confident in what you're doing. It helps when you can follow along and cheat from the other person."

"Do you have any good music?"

"Some Glenn Miller, Benny Goodman, oldies, late '90s swing revival remakes and originals, that sort of thing. I also have some classic waltzes and American jazz standards."

Jack gave her a sly grin. "You've wanted to do this for a while, haven't you?"

Caroline shrugged sheepishly. "Yeah. I just never had anyone to ask. You'll have to be patient, though. I'll probably step on your feet a lot."

His grin widened. "Do me a favor and take off your shoes. You can dance in socks for now."

Caroline set up a playlist on her iPod speaker system and Jack started to teach her a few basic moves. After several songs, he even managed to get her to do a small lift. She had the jitterbug, Lindy Hop, East Coast Swing, and foxtrot down in a couple of hours.

"You catch on fast," he said. "Incredibly fast."

"I don't know how I'm doing it."

"Let's try something with a little quicker pace," he suggested. "See how you do with that."

Caroline put "Sing Sing Sing" on the stereo and they started to dance. A minute or two in, she realized that she'd forgotten it was an almost five minute song. By the end of the dance she was winded. As the music stopped she doubled over, trying to catch her breath.

"You're killing me, McIntyre." Caroline looked up at him. He had barely broken a sweat.

"Maybe you're right," he said. "Maybe you do need to get to the House gym more."

"Jackass," she panted. "If I weren't so tired I'd punch you."

"That would be quite improper behavior coming from the nicest person in Congress." Jack pulled her to a standing position. "How about a classic waltz instead? It's less jumping around."

"Okay," Caroline said. "Just give me a second."

They cranked out a few more slow dances, and she was again amazed at how quickly she'd caught on. They were twirling across the basement floor to a waltz by Dvorak. Caroline felt as if she was floating on air. Jack's hands were secure and confident, but gentle. He guided her from move to move, and she realized she didn't want the dance to end. But soon it was over, right after she'd twirled out of his arms and started laughing.

She clapped her hands, spun around, and turned to him, breathless. She tossed her head back and laughed again, amazed at how she'd managed not to trip over herself yet again.

"This is fun," she said.

Jack smiled at her. "You really are quite good for a beginner."

She tried not to blush. "I have a good teacher."

The next song came on. Caroline recognized it immediately. "The Way You Look Tonight." She'd forgotten that she added it to the playlist. One of her favorites.

She closed her eyes. "Oh, I love Tony Bennett's version of this song."

"Well then, my lady, let's take this one a little slower." He reached for her hand and pulled her closer to him. She put her arms around his neck and leaned in. His cologne smelled so good. They started to dance.

"You're lovely," Jack murmured into her ear.

Was that directed at her, or was he mimicking the lyrics?

He was holding her closer than she thought was necessary for a dance between friends, but she wasn't about to complain. They moved slowly but they'd been practicing all night and were starting to fatigue. Caroline leaned into his shoulder as if it were the most natural thing in the world, not realizing that they had almost completely stopped dancing.

"Caroline?" She heard Jack's sweet voice again. "I'm not sure we're dancing anymore."

"Does it matter?" She lifted her head up.

Jack looked into her eyes. "Not unless it matters to you."

He slowly brought his lips to hers. She didn't turn away this time but closed her eyes and waited. It was sweet, kind, tender...and definitely not platonic. And it felt incredibly good, the pleasure wafting over her. She'd forgotten what it was like to be kissed, really kissed. She didn't want him to stop. Jack cupped her cheek in his palm and pulled her closer to him with his other hand. Caroline brought her hands up to his hair and held them there, not wanting it to end.

She had been wondering what it would be like to run her hands through those gorgeous, perfect silver locks. His hair was soft, and she traced her fingers through it as Jack teased her tongue with his. She wanted to tug at it, bring him even closer to her, but then saw Nicky's face in her mind and pulled away.

Caroline covered her mouth with her hand. "What was that for?"

Jack withdrew his hand from her waist. He seemed to be confused. "I-"

"It was the music," she stammered. "We - it's a romantic song. It's hard not to get sucked into it. It's fine."

She thought Jack looked a little unnerved, but he recovered quickly. "Sure. Just a little kiss between friends. It didn't mean anything."

"Right." Caroline kissed him on the cheek. "See? Nothing whatsoever."

"Yeah." Jack looked at his watch. "It's late. I'd better head home. I have to get up pretty early tomorrow."

"Not a problem." She exhaled, grateful for the escape. "Thanks for the dance lessons."

"Anytime," Jack said. "I mean that."

"I know."

"See you on Tuesday?" he asked. "Lunch, maybe?"

"You bet."

She turned off the music and escorted Jack up the stairs, watching him through the window as he started his Cadillac and drove away. It was nothing, that kiss. That song, the entire night...they'd gotten too caught up in the entire thing. Dancing could be an extraordinarily sensuous experience between two people who knew what they were doing, and Jack was an excellent instructor. It was only natural that she felt such incredible physical chemistry with him. That was it. Nothing more.

But Caroline was still trying to avoid the thought running through her mind – her increasing desire for him to turn his car around, run through her front door, and take her in his arms again.

# Chapter Nine

Caroline

June

Caroline looked out of the window in Jack's office. His view wasn't nearly as nice as hers, but freshmen usually got the shaft when it came to such things. They'd gone to dinner then headed back to Capitol Hill so that Jack could finish up a few things before heading home. She dreaded the drive back to her house in Rockville but the longer she waited, the quicker her commute would be. Thankfully school would be out in a few days. Then she wouldn't have to deal with nearly as much traffic. Although that also meant Marguerite and Sophie would be leaving for camp soon, and she would miss them terribly.

"I should probably get going." Caroline rolled down the sleeves of her blouse and put her suit jacket back on. "Thanks for dinner."

"My pleasure," Jack said.

She grabbed her purse and started to walk toward the door.

"Do you ever think about that night we kissed?" he asked. "During that dance lesson?"

Caroline turned around. "We talked about that, Jack. It didn't mean anything. We got caught up in the moment. I'm surprised you're still dwelling on it, to be honest."

"That's not how I interpreted it," he said. "I know you felt it, Caroline. Just admit it."

"It's late. I really should leave." She twirled back around and headed for the door.

Jack came up behind her and wrapped his arms around her shoulders. "That day after it snowed. That night in the basement. That dance lesson. And any other number of times I've felt the heat coming from you. I know what you want, Caroline. It's the same thing I want. And I know you're fighting it. I wish you'd let yourself go," he whispered. "We could be so good together. You must have figured out how I feel about you."

"We're friends, Jack. That's all." Caroline was trying to ignore the warmth of his body pressed up against hers, the strength of his arms, the smell of his cologne. She told herself to pull away from him but found herself riveted to the floor.

"We're not just friends, sweetheart." His mouth was at her ear and his voice, dripping with desire and seductive promise, was driving her insane. "You know that. We have a connection. I want to be with you, as much more than friends." He traced his fingers down her throat to her collarbone and she quivered, hearing a thudding noise as her purse dropped to the floor. "You want this," Jack whispered. "You need this. You know you do. And you know I can give it to you. You deserve to be cherished, adored, taken care of."

Her inner feminist ignored that last line, because everything else he said caused her heart rate to rise.

Jack spun her around to face him, tracing the outline of her lips.

Caroline couldn't meet his eyes. "We can't-"

"We can," he said firmly.

Before she realized what he was doing, he kissed her again. She felt the rush she had before, more intense this time, as he pressed against her, hard, until she was backed up against the wall next to the door. His tongue teased her lips and she opened them for him, letting him taste her. Jack cupped her cheek in his hand as he stroked her hair with the other.

Caroline involuntarily reached up to grab his suspenders to steady herself, then realized the move was completely intentional. Jack was right. She wanted this. She wanted this so badly and he was finally giving it to her. He was warm, and safe, and oh so good. She leaned into his kiss, tugging at his collar. She wanted more. She wanted to touch him, taste him, feel him on top of her, moving inside her.

She nipped at his lips, trying to tease him closer. Jack gripped her ass, starting to inch his fingers toward the bottom of her skirt. He slid a hand up her nylons. Caroline moaned softly against his mouth, imagining the many delicious places that hand could go. She wrapped her arms around his shoulders, hoping to provide him with further encouragement, but he abruptly pulled away.

"I'm sorry, Caroline," he said. "I shouldn't have done that."

She brought a hand up to her mouth. One kiss and she was panting. Actually panting. "No one's ever done that before."

"No one's ever kissed you?" Jack's tone was amused. "I did it a couple of weeks ago."

"No, kissed me like that without asking. That was rather impolite." Caroline tried to hide the fact that she was having trouble breathing. She didn't bother adding that no one had ever made her react like that, either.

"If the way you responded to me was any indication, you enjoyed it."

Caroline ran her hands through her hair and straightened her skirt, trying to bring herself back to reality. "Jack, we can't do this."

"Of course we can."

"No, we can't."

"We're consenting adults. We're unattached. We can do whatever we want."

"You know what I mean."

"So you want to ignore this? This attraction we have to each other?"

"Yes."

"You want this, sweetheart. You know you do."

"It doesn't matter what I want."

"Caroline, you're an incredible person. A beautiful woman. I like you. I've liked you since the night I met you. I want more than friendship."

"I can't give that to you," she said softly.

"I think we could have something. Surely you must feel it, too."

"How I feel is of little consequence. This can't happen."

Jack reached over to cup her cheek. "Why not?"

Her voice was getting shorter and she took a step back from him. "Because we can't. It's not right."

"It is right. You know it. You've known it for months." He reached toward her again. "Caroline-"

She swatted his hand down and took a step away from him. "I'm not ready," she snapped. "We can't do this because I'm not ready. I am not ready for this, for someone new, for something other than what I've been dealing with for the past year. I'm not ready to feel anything for anyone, least of all you."

Jack looked hurt. "What is that supposed to mean?"

Caroline let out a hard breath. "I didn't mean it the way it sounded. I'm sorry. I like you. I like you a lot."

"Then what's the problem?"

"I like you a lot more than I should," she whispered. "That's the problem. We can't do this. We're so different."

"We aren't all that different," he said. "We have a good time together. We laugh. We can discuss serious topics as easily as the superficial ones. We're both passionate about policy, the greater good, our shared values. And we're attracted to each other. What more do we need?"

"We want different things, Jack. We're at different points in our lives. We live over a hundred miles apart when we're not at work. For God's sake, I endorsed your opponent in the last election. On top of that, I have two children to worry about. The decisions I make affect them too. I don't have hookups. I don't do temporary."

"And you're saying I do?"

Caroline stared at the floor.

"All right," he said. "That's a fair criticism."

"I've only had serious relationships. I never really even dated all that much before I got married. And I don't think I'm ready to take that step. I can't handle anything like that right now. I'm sorry. I wish I could."

Jack walked over to her and took her hands in his. "Caroline, I care about you. Very much. I want you to be happy. I want to be more than friends. But I'll respect your decision if you don't want to move forward with this, if you don't want to explore this possibility. I'm simply asking you to consider it. Can you promise me that?"

"I guess so," she said.

He tucked a loose hair behind her ear. "I'll give you all the time you need. I won't pressure you. And the next time I try to kiss you, I'll ask first. Okay?"

"I really need to go," she whispered, her eyes shut.

"Okay." Jack sounded extremely dejected.

If she stayed there any longer she was liable to change her mind. Caroline scooped up her purse and rushed out the door, the heat of his kiss still playing at her lips.

#  Chapter Ten

Maureen stumbled into work that Friday morning. She hadn't slept well at all and left a message for her daughter that had gone unreturned. Remembering that she was supposed to check in with Bill, she meandered over to his office after getting a cup of coffee. There were a number of police officers milling around, one of whom was carrying a cardboard box.

"What the hell is going on?" she demanded, attempting to go through the door.

One of the men, who appeared to be in charge, pushed her back. "You can't go in there, ma'am."

She scanned his name tag and badge number, noticing the patch on his arm. "The hell I can't, Sergeant. Where's Dr. Livingston?"

"Unfortunately, he passed away last night."

Her heart sank. "Excuse me?"

"Brakes went out on his car. Tragic, really." The sergeant was trying to look regretful. "He was only a couple of miles from home."

Bill's Audi was only a few months old. She smelled bullshit. "He – what are you doing here, in his office?"

The sergeant's face was blank. "His widow asked us to bring her his things. Apparently she has no interest in coming here to retrieve them. "

Maureen grabbed the cardboard box out of the other officer's hands. "I can do that."

The sergeant took the box from her. "Ma'am, please don't interfere with this process."

"No," she said. "Someone who cares about Bill should be doing this. This isn't part of your job description."

"It's already been taken care of." He turned to the other officers in the room. "I think we have what we need here, gentlemen. Good day, Doctor."

Maureen frowned at him, not speaking as the sergeant and his men slinked out of the room. What he was saying couldn't possibly be true.

As she left Bill's office and went into the main part of the hospital, she knew he was right. Random staffers were weeping softly. Several nurses were hugging each other. Word must have spread fast.

She shuddered. This was too coincidental. But who could she talk to about it? Who in the VA would think she was anything other than crazy? She bit the inside of her cheek, trying not to think of Bill's final moments, then marched down the hall to go comfort her staff.

* * * * *

Maureen sat at her desk, where she'd been silently pondering her options for the last several hours. To her knowledge, the government still wasn't able to track what was going on in her mind. At least, not yet. She wanted to go home immediately that morning but instead had spent time talking to employees, taking care of administrative matters, and trying to figure out exactly who was going to replace Bill. She had the distinct impression that it would be someone from the outside. Someone who wouldn't have the same ideals as Dr. Livingston, or any other sane person for that matter.

She scribbled a few things on a piece of paper and looked at her watch. It was past dinnertime. Time to go home. She stared down at the car keys in her purse. Maybe today was a good day to take the train home instead.

# Chapter Eleven

The church was crowded. It was a beautiful February morning, though it was bitterly cold. Maureen stepped out of her car. A couple of other hospital staffers asked her to ride along with them to the funeral but she politely declined. She wanted to be alone. She didn't want to swap happy stories or express deeply held gratitude or any of the other things that people did while trying to make themselves feel better about the death of a friend. She didn't care if they thought she was being aloof. She missed Bill and she wasn't ready to share her grief with anyone yet.

Maureen sank into a pew near the back of the church. The ceremony went by quickly. The pastor mentioned Bill's dedication to his country, his love of family, and a bunch of flowery, trite anecdotes that made it obvious that he really didn't know who he was talking about. Bill's son gave a heartfelt, emotional eulogy, and most of the attendees were in tears by the time he was finished. Maureen sat clenching her fists, her nails digging into her palms. She hadn't cried yet. Didn't want to. Stoicism was her chosen path. She and Bill had worked together for almost a decade and she wasn't ready to let go.

The recessional hymn began and Bill's children filed out behind the casket. Bill's eldest son was holding on to his mother tightly. She looked devastated. Maureen knew that look. She felt the same way when her husband passed away a decade before. It was the kind of thing that stayed with you forever even if you managed to make your peace with it.

Maureen shuffled out of the service with the rest of the mourners. Bill's widow, Barbara, was near the front of the church. Shockingly, she was alone. Maureen hesitated to bother her at first; it was probably one of the few moments Barbara had to stop putting on a brave face, and Maureen didn't want to disturb that. But she saw Barbara waving her over, so she figured it was safe.

Bill's wife pulled Maureen into a warm hug as soon as she came over. "Thank you for coming," she whispered. "Bill just adored you."

Maureen swallowed hard, desperately close to crying. Barbara was probably being nice but it warmed her heart to hear it. Maureen had perhaps been liked by her colleagues, but never beloved. "I know," she said. "How are you holding up?"

Barbara's eyes were watery. "It's been hard. I don't understand it. That car was almost brand new. It doesn't make any sense."

Maureen didn't want to press anything but figured now was the best time to do it. "Did anyone look at the car to figure out what happened?"

"No," Barbara said. "The police told me the brakes went out. I mean, what else could it have been?" She shook her head. "Sometimes these things just happen, I guess."

"Did the cops bring you everything you asked for? I can clear out the rest of Bill's stuff if you want."

Barbara gave her a puzzled look. "What are you talking about?"

Maureen rubbed her eyes. "They were in Bill's office a few days ago. They told me you'd asked them to bring you some of his personal effects."

The other woman frowned. "I never said any such thing to those men. They were fairly rude, to begin with. No compassion, very cold. Like it was an inconvenience to be there. I'm lucky that one of my golf partners was at the house with me or I'd have gotten no support at all."

Maureen inhaled sharply. "Maybe I misheard them, then. Do you want me to bring you anything? I'm sure he has quite a few items in there that have some meaning for your family."

"I'll have one of the boys do it," Barbara said. "Can they give you a call to arrange things?"

"Absolutely."

Barbara patted Maureen's hand. "Thank you again, Maureen. Will you be coming to the luncheon in the church basement?"

Her mind was running overtime, and she glanced at her watch. "No, I need to get back. I want you to know...if you ever need anything, please call me."

Barbara gave her a final hug. "That means a lot. Maybe the two of us can lunch sometime."

"That sounds wonderful," Maureen said. "Take care of yourself. Bill was a good man. I'll miss him."

Barbara gave her a smile as she walked away.

* * * * *

Maureen hustled down the hall, checking behind her. Good, she was alone. She fumbled in her pocket for her keys. She could have sworn that Bill had given her the spare key to his office a few years back. She hurried inside her own suite and checked inside the side drawer of her desk. The key was still there, buried under a pile of long forgotten paperwork.

Breathless, she ran up the stairs to Bill's office and unlocked the door. She shut the door behind her, gulping for air. Maureen looked around and almost kicked herself. How could she have failed to notice that almost everything in Bill's office was untouched? Had the shock of the news distracted her that much? Or had the cops just been that good at keeping her off her game?

She moved over to his desk, shuffling some papers around, then glanced at a picture of him and his family on a ski vacation in Colorado. Maureen bit her lip. He really was a decent man. A kind boss, a fair administrator...everything he learned in the military and throughout his career taught him that being reasonable but demanding produced positive results.

She noticed one of the drawers in Bill's file cabinet was ajar. She pulled it open. It was empty, save for one tabbed divider. "Notes on Patient Files," it read. Bill had a habit of keeping detailed narratives on the more troublesome cases that came through the door, though he wasn't required to do it. When she tried to shut it again, it wouldn't close. The lock was broken. She tried to open the other drawers, but with one drawer open, they wouldn't budge.

It didn't matter. The authorities had what they wanted.

"Fuck," Maureen whispered.

# Chapter Twelve

**Caroline**

June

They made the long, scenic drive to upstate New York early that morning, stopping at the Baseball Hall of Fame. Marguerite and Sophie were very excited since it was the first year they were able to go to camp together. Caroline was happy for them. They were finally turning the corner with regard to their sorrow, but their mother felt pretty bummed at the prospect of not seeing them for the next two and a half months.

They were spending the night in Cooperstown, which was about two hundred miles from the camp Marguerite and Sophie were attending in the Adirondacks. Caroline could have sprung for airfare, but she appreciated having a few extra days of quality time with her daughters before dropping them off for the extended summer session. They had a few unbreakable rules when they were in the car: no electronics, very limited radio, all chat. It worked well for Caroline and Marguerite the first couple of years Mo went to camp; one year they stopped in New York City for a Broadway show, even though it was far out of the way. It was worth it for the quality time they got to spend together. Nick and Sophie always stayed behind; that was Mo and mommy bonding time.

Caroline watched the girls bounding through the exhibits at the Hall of Fame. She took great interest in the All-American Girls Professional Baseball League exhibit, even though she felt it was a little small. The Ebbets Field façade, the other antique items - Caroline had forgotten how cool the Hall of Fame was. How cool Cooperstown was. Set on a lake, surrounded by trees...it was really in the middle of nowhere. Rural New York was such a beautiful place. Almost like the Midwest.

They were strolling through the postseason exhibit when Marguerite doubled back and put her arm around Caroline's waist.

"So where's all the Cubs stuff?" she asked.

"Be nice to your mother." Caroline tweaked Marguerite's ear. "I don't see a lot of Nationals stuff here."

"You can admit your secret Red Sox devotion," Marguerite said. "I've seen all those jerseys you have hidden in the basement closet."

"I reveal nothing." Caroline straightened up. "Although I've noticed that Orioles hat in your bedroom. You're one to talk."

Marguerite laughed. "I like you, mom."

Caroline smiled. "Good to hear."

"Are you going to miss us?" Marguerite asked.

"I will, sweetheart. Very, very much." She stopped walking and gave Mo a big hug, knowing that since there weren't many people around she wouldn't mind. Mo was considerate enough to hug her back. Caroline saw Sophie a few feet ahead of them lingering near the end of the hall. "I think we're almost done here. Want to go get something to eat?"

"Sure. But I want to get a Senators cap before we leave. To appease you."

Caroline kissed the side of her eldest daughter's head. She'd been able to instill a good sense of historical perspective in her eleven year old. "You might even be able to goad me into paying for it if you're nice to me," she said. "Let's catch up with your sister and get some food."

* * * * *

They settled into a booth at a quiet American style restaurant along the lake. Caroline and Marguerite swapped gift shop purchases; while Caroline gleefully purchased a Senators hat for Marguerite, her daughter shelled out for a throwback navy blue Cubs hat with the Cubbie Bear holding a bat. It had always been one of Caroline's favorite old sports logos. Sophie decided on a Brooklyn Dodgers cap since she loved all the Jackie Robinson memorabilia they'd seen. Caroline promised the girls she'd keep all their items safe until after they returned from camp.

After they ordered, Marguerite turned to her mother.

"So, what are you going to do when we're gone?" she asked.

"Oh, you know," Caroline said. "Throw some keggers, work on my meth lab, hang out with other kids to make you jealous, that sort of thing."

Sophie, who was seated next to Caroline, snuggled closer to her mother. "Really, mommy. We don't want you to be lonely."

Caroline was touched by their concern. "I won't be. I have a job, you know. There will be plenty for me to do before the summer recess comes and we can spend the rest of our vacation together."

"Planning on spending any time with anyone special in the meantime?" Marguerite asked.

She stiffened. "Excuse me?"

Marguerite glanced at Sophie, who was smiling. "We thought with all that free time, you might want to have someone maybe make you dinner once or twice a week. Since you can't be counted on to properly feed yourself."

She relaxed. "You mean Jack?"

Marguerite grinned. "Yeah."

"He's a good friend," Caroline said.

"He's good at reading stories," Sophie observed.

Caroline had listened in one night as Jack put Sophie to bed. He read her a book in such a theatrical tone that Caroline never would have known it was him if she hadn't been standing outside the room. She wondered why he'd never settled down. He was much better with children than she would have thought.

"I-" She wasn't sure how to play this.

Marguerite gave her mother a sympathetic look. "You've been a lot different this year. The last few months, I mean."

Caroline looked across the restaurant. It wasn't that crowded. It would probably be a while before their food arrived. But she wasn't sure she wanted to have this conversation with her children in public. Or at all, frankly.

"What do you mean?" she asked.

Now Marguerite looked uncomfortable. "You're not as sad."

She rubbed her forehead, thinking of how much she'd forced her daughters to put up with during the past sixteen months. "I'm sorry I was so useless last year."

"That's not what I meant. I just-"

Caroline blinked rapidly. "I still miss your father very much."

Marguerite sniffled. "I miss him too."

Shit. She didn't want to bring her children to tears the day before they were all going to be separated. There were going to be plenty of emotions flowing freely the next afternoon. Caroline could feel Sophie burrowing in closer to her shoulder.

"Maybe we shouldn't talk about this now," she said.

"Maybe you're right." Marguerite wiped her eyes. "I'm going to miss you, mom. Will you be okay without us for two months?"

"I think so."

Sophie poked her head up. "Are you sure?"

Caroline kissed her forehead. "I'm more worried about you. Are you nervous about camp?"

"Kinda," she whispered. "I won't know anyone."

"Your sister will show you around. Right, Mo?"

Marguerite smiled at her younger sibling with genuine affection. "Sure thing, Feef." She turned to her mother. "I'm getting paid for this, right?"

Caroline rolled her eyes. "No values whatsoever," she said to Marguerite. "None."

Marguerite gave her a cheeky look. "Must be genetic."

Caroline saw the waiter coming over to their table with the food and was immensely grateful for the distraction. "Time to eat."

* * * * *

It was a beautiful June afternoon. The sun was reflecting on the lake. All around them, girls were saying their last goodbyes to their mothers and fathers for at least the next four weeks. Several sets of parents recognized Caroline and came over to give her their regards. Mo and Feef thought it was hysterical, and told Caroline after the adults had left that those grownups wouldn't like Representative Gerard nearly as much if they knew her the way her children did. And then they laughed at their own old joke, which should have gotten tired a long time ago but had stayed funny.

Feef had a couple of tears running down her cheeks but was being very, very brave. Probably because she'd been told that in just a few minutes, her sister would be allowed to escort her to her cabin.

"Be good, Feef." Caroline enveloped Sophie in a fierce hug, trying not to cry. "You're my favorite munchkin. I'll miss you so much. But you're going to have fun. You'll see."

Sophie sniffled. "What if no one likes me?"

"Plenty of people will like you," Marguerite interjected. "Bribery. That's the key."

"Hush," Caroline said. "She doesn't need to learn about bribery until she's at least nine."

Marguerite poked her little sister in the ribs. "My turn." She reached in to hug Caroline. "I'll miss you. Don't read my diary while I'm gone."

"You have a diary?" Caroline asked.

"I have said too much," Marguerite said.

Caroline laughed. "Don't worry. I didn't hear anything you just said. Does it have a lock?"

Marguerite laughed too. "I'm not telling you anything."

"I wouldn't expect you to." She knew that Mo told her far more than most of her friends told their own mothers. It made Caroline feel good, but also made her wary. She'd never been sure as to how well she maintained proper parent-child boundaries. Caroline had most typically played the role of good cop when it came to discipline. The girls seemed to be doing okay so she tried not to dwell on it too much.

Marguerite leaned into her mother's ear, breaking Caroline out of her daydream. "If you aren't dating Jack by the time we get back from camp, I'm going to be hugely disappointed in you."

She lifted her head up. "What?"

Marguerite pulled back, smiling. "Have a great summer, mom. I'll write you every day. Mostly so you'll send me cookies."

She regarded her eldest daughter warily. "Did you just say what I think you said?"

Marguerite kissed her mother's cheek, pretending she hadn't heard her. "I'll keep an eye on Soph. I promise."

Caroline gave each of her daughters one more huge hug, then walked back to her car, waving goodbye as she settled into the driver's seat. Sophie was waving back at her, still looking a little overwhelmed. She got out of the vehicle and blew her youngest daughter a giant, almost vulgar kiss, which made her laugh.

Marguerite was giving her a puckish look. Caroline was mystified by her self-confidence, but proud nonetheless. Her first born child was being much too understanding about this entire situation and Caroline hadn't even told her all that much.

She wondered whether Sophie felt the same way Marguerite did. Or if they knew something. But they couldn't. There was nothing to know. Which was what she kept telling herself as she drove down the long, scenic back roads on her way back to the interstate that would take her back to Maryland. Caroline was suddenly dreading the lengthy journey home. She would have many, many hours in the car to spend far too long reflecting upon Mo's parting words.

* * * * *

Caroline sat at her dresser after she got home the next evening. She had tossed and turned most of the previous night in a stiff, uncomfortable Syracuse hotel bed, and the remaining drive back to Maryland left her restless.

She picked up the picture next to her jewelry box. It was her favorite photo from the day she and Nicky were married. They were both grinning madly at the camera, thrilled that they were finally taking that next step in their lives. They had considered videotaping their ceremony and ultimately decided against it, but it didn't matter...Caroline remembered every minute of it.

She caressed the photo then set it back down, holding up her left hand. When Nicky was alive, she always took her rings off before going to bed. But after the accident she left them on, except when they needed a good cleaning. Her left ring finger always looked empty without them.

Caroline let out a ragged breath. She remembered their first date, the first time Nicky said he loved her, the proposal, the wedding, the nights they'd made Marguerite and Sophie, the laughter, the life they'd shared together.

She slid the rings off her finger. They would belong to Marguerite and Sophie someday. If they wanted them.

"I love you, Nicky," she whispered. "I always will. I know you understand."

Caroline put the rings in the box and shut it, caressing the design carved on the outside. She stood up, wiped her face, and went into the bathroom to remove her makeup. As she crawled into the cavernous king sized bed she gazed once more at the wedding photo on the dresser, then shut off the light and went to sleep.

# Chapter Thirteen

**Caroline**

June

Summer reared its hot and humid head during the first few days of June, and Caroline hurried back inside Rayburn to get out of the sticky air. She'd been avoiding Jack over the past few days, and he'd noticed. She went down to Jack's office that evening with some reservations. Ever since he confessed his feelings and they shared that kiss, she'd become very confused. But she knew she had to face him eventually and face whatever decision she had to make. Although she was deeply afraid of making the wrong one.

Friendship was safe. Secure. Straightforward. High romance, especially with a man like Jack, was much more than she thought she was ready to handle, to say nothing of the struggles that would come with dating a member of the opposition party whom she saw almost every day. She hated that her life had become so complicated in such a short amount of time.

It was late and it was already dark outside. The door to his office was open and she entered without fanfare. He was the only one still there. Jack was at his desk doing something on his computer. He smiled when he saw her.

"Hey, stranger," he said.

"Hi."

"How was camp drop-off?"

"A lot of tears."

"How many were from Marguerite and Sophie?"

Caroline laughed. "Very few."

He strolled over to the couch and sat down. "Let's catch up."

She took the seat next to him. They sat silently for a few moments.

"You're not wearing your wedding rings anymore," Jack said.

Caroline gave him a self-conscious look. "One day I guess I forgot to put them on."

"So, pure coincidence?"

She rubbed the small indentation where the rings had atrophied the muscles on her finger. "I don't know." She couldn't look at him. "Maybe it's time for me to move on."

He opened his mouth to say something then looked at his own hands, which were clenched in his lap.

This was much too awkward, and Caroline didn't care for it.

"Doing anything interesting this weekend?" she asked.

"Not really. A couple of constituent events, I think. Why?"

"Christine is having a big kickoff fundraiser in downtown Philadelphia."

"I might have heard about that. I'd forgotten. Are you going?"

"Yes. I might even give her money too. It seems rude to go and mooch off her."

"She's going to let you in without the standard toll?"

Caroline laughed. "I get away with a lot."

Jack laughed too. "After only knowing Christine for a few months, I'm still trying to figure that one out."

"I assume it's my intimidating presence and tough exterior, which happens to counter her cheery disposition," she said.

He smiled. "I think you have that backwards."

"Are you going to her fundraiser?" Caroline asked.

"I wasn't planning on it. I'm not entirely sure Representative Sullivan likes me that much."

She didn't. Christine had made that perfectly clear on multiple occasions when Jack wasn't around. Caroline had been careful not to tell Christine too much about what she was feeling for Jack, even though she felt guilty about it. She normally told her best friend almost everything and she knew that Christine had some pretty strong suspicions about the way she had been acting lately. But she wasn't about to confirm Jack's hunch.

"She doesn't know you," Caroline said. "Chrissy has a hard time warming up to people. It took her a while before she even decided it was okay to like me."

"Well, maybe her judgment isn't all that bad. She certainly has good taste in best friends." Jack's posture relaxed. "It's nice that you're going to a Republican fundraiser. Catching any flak for it?"

"I still haven't heard the end of it after voting for Bob. I'm trying to keep this appearance discreet, if you catch my meaning."

"So you wouldn't want to do anything splashy?"

"No."

"Wouldn't want to make a big speech renouncing all your liberal leanings and accepting the beauty of supply side economics?"

"No," Caroline said.

"Wouldn't want to get drunk and slosh around on one of the tables behaving inappropriately with a giant elephant?"

She laughed. "No."

"What if it was an inflatable donkey?"

Caroline laughed again. "Still no."

"What about dancing seductively with one of the busboys as the night came to a close?"

She smacked his arm. " _No_ ," she said firmly, but the laughter was still in her eyes.

His next question was slow to come. "What about going to the fundraiser with me?"

She stared at him. "Really?"

"It might cause a splash, though. A little one. But we can be unobtrusive about it."

"You're serious."

"Yes."

"You mean like...a date?"

"It doesn't have to be a date."

"Then what would it be?"

"Two friends spending time together."

"And that's it?"

"Would you want more than that?"

She knew what _he_ wanted. Despite her reservations, Caroline put her hand on his thigh. "I don't know."

He gave her a reassuring smile. "It doesn't have to be more than that. But I wouldn't mind if you stayed at my place. In a guest room," he added.

Caroline removed her hand and leaned back. "I don't know if we should do this."

Jack turned to face her. "Caroline, nothing has to happen. You know how I feel about you. And if you don't want more than friendship, that's fine. We can spend some time together over the weekend with no expectations. I mean that."

She rubbed her eyes. "Christine is going to have a complete meltdown when I tell her I'm not staying with her."

"Think of a creative excuse."

Easier said than done, but she could try. "Okay," she said.

This was not a good idea. She had no clue why she had agreed to it. Jack must have sensed something because he lifted up her hand and kissed the back of it, looking her straight in the eyes.

"You don't have to do this if you don't want to, sweetheart."

"I want to." And she did, despite her common sense screaming out in opposition. "But you'd better give me good directions to your house because I get lost very easily."

Jack was already at his computer. "I'm on it."

* * * * *

Caroline stood at the balcony overlooking the entryway, waiting for him. She smoothed her little black dress nervously, hoping all the wrinkles were gone. She knew she should have laid it on the backseat instead of putting it in the garment bag with the rest of her clothes. That would have been the logical thing to do, but in her haste to leave it slipped her mind. Now she was going to be self-conscious all night.

She could hear Jack moving around in the formal living room and he soon came out into the foyer and smiled up at her. He was wearing a crisp black tuxedo, impeccably tailored. His silver hair was perfectly parted and his eyes shone with happiness at the sight of her. He was holding a jewelry box in his hand. Caroline walked down the stairs to greet him.

He took her hands and kissed her on the cheek. "You look dazzling, Caroline."

Maybe the dress looked all right. "Thanks."

"Still working on that compliments thing, aren't you?"

"Fighting the good fight, as always."

"I'll have to help you with that." He handed her the velvet box. "I got you a little something."

She opened it up. Inside was a diamond solitaire necklace that complemented the set of small studs she was wearing. To the untrained eye the chain looked silver, but Caroline knew platinum when she saw it. The diamond hanging from the chain was significantly larger than the setting on the engagement ring Nicky had given her, and that had been over a carat in size.

Caroline stared down at the necklace, unable to speak. She snapped her mouth shut, aware that it was hanging open. Her hand trembled slightly. She had to stop gawking at it, but it was gorgeous. It was more than a little something. This was a wickedly expensive gift.

"I took a chance that you wouldn't bring too much jewelry," Jack confessed. "You seem to stick to earrings most of the time."

She wondered what else he'd been noticing about her. "You're right," she said. "I guess I'm too lazy to properly accessorize in the mornings."

He took the box from her. "May I?"

"Of course." She turned around so that her back was to him. He lightly touched her neck, brushing his fingers at the few stray hairs below her chignon, making sure they wouldn't get caught in the delicate chain. He fastened the solitaire around her neck, kissing her where the clasp lay against her skin. She looked down at the round cut diamond, then spun to face him.

"It's beautiful, Jack. Thank you."

He took her free hand in his. "I don't want you to think I expect anything from you because of this. But I wanted to show you how much the past few months have meant to me. I truly, deeply appreciate your friendship. I never thought I'd meet a woman like you."

Caroline blushed. "There you go with those compliments again."

She didn't know what made her do it. They'd shared a couple of relatively innocuous kisses, almost pecks. Okay, maybe one not very innocuous kiss and that other one, the one that made her weak at the knees. The one she dreamt about every night for the past couple of weeks. That one. But she wanted more than that. And he was such an incredibly sexy man. Without wasting too much time dwelling on it, she leaned in and kissed him.

He responded more quickly than she had anticipated, cupping her face in one hand and drawing her body closer with the other. His tongue teased seductively at her lips and she opened her mouth, letting him explore and taste her. Her black clutch slipped out of her hand onto the floor. Jack intertwined his hands with hers, pushing her up against the wall. He pressed his body against hers and she could feel him starting to get excited.

They stood exchanging long kisses for several minutes. Caroline desperately wanted to run her fingers through his hair but she didn't want to take her hands away from his. His cologne was intoxicating. They teased each other with their hips, their hands clasped tightly together, kissing deeply until they were both out of breath.

Finally Caroline came up for air. "I think we might have wrecked my lipstick. You're wearing most of it now."

Jack laughed. "Is it a flattering color?"

She picked up her clutch and took a Kleenex out, dabbing at his lips until she heard the doorbell ring. "Is that our ride?"

"Probably." He sounded a little disappointed, but leaned in and kissed her cheek before answering the door. "Go reapply your lipstick so we can kiss it off again."

"If we do that we're never going to get to that fundraiser. I'll fix it in the car. Let's go."

* * * * *

Caroline and Jack entered the ballroom. His hand was on the small of her back. That was nice. Not nearly as nice as the kissing, but comforting.

He turned to her. "I'll get us some drinks. Moscato, I assume?"

"Am I that predictable?"

"Predictable, but delightful nonetheless."

She beamed at him. "Moscato sounds perfect."

Jack started walking toward the bar. Caroline barely had a chance to orient herself and start people watching when she felt a yank on her arm.

"What are you doing?" Christine's crisp voice was even more brittle than usual.

"I'm supporting your Senate campaign. At least, that's what I assume I'm doing. I'm not helping you launder money, am I?"

"Don't be coy," Christine said, still gripping Caroline's upper arm. "What are you doing here with _him_?"

Caroline laughed uneasily. "Well, um, I suppose it's a date. We didn't really talk about that, but-"

"Are you nuts?"

Any direct response to that question would be entirely too unladylike. Caroline wriggled free from Christine's grasp. "I told him I was coming here tonight and he offered to escort me."

"This is why you said you wouldn't need our guest room, isn't it?" Christine covered her mouth with her hand. "You're staying with him, aren't you?"

Caroline bit her tongue. She really didn't want to get into anything with Christine. Not at her big fundraiser. "Yes, I am. In one of his guest bedrooms," she added.

Christine's eyes drifted down to the large diamond around Caroline's neck. "He gave you that, didn't he?"

"He might have." Caroline decided to poke back a little. "You don't like it? Is it too small for your taste?"

Christine scowled at her, unaware of the looks she was getting from new arrivals. "What are you thinking?" she whispered harshly.

"Chrissy, calm down. People are staring. Didn't you plan this fundraiser to convince donors you're warm and approachable?"

"Don't change the subject," Christine snapped, but she made a concerted effort to relax her frown. "He's bad news, Punky. Bad, bad news." She took another moment to compose herself. "I don't want him here."

"He just wrote you a giant check. I'd hate to tell him to rip it up." Caroline found Christine's behavior unsurprising but frustrating. "What's the big deal, anyway?"

"I know you've been spending a lot of time with him since January, and he's met the girls, he's had dinner with us, whatever. I can't tell you whether it was a good idea to let this man get to know your children. Maybe I should have said something to you sooner. But he's only got one thing on his mind."

"And what's that?"

"He's trying to get in your pants."

Caroline laughed. "Isn't that what most men try to do with women?"

"He's a user, Caroline."

"I think you're wrong. So what if he wants to sleep with me?" Caroline tried not to sound insulted. "It's not the worst idea I've ever heard."

Christine's tone was disapproving. "Do you know how many women he's had in greater Philadelphia?"

"Really, Chrissy. You sound like a prude."

"I do not. You deserve better than being a notch on his bedpost."

"I don't think that's how he feels about me."

Christine looked over Caroline's shoulder at Jack, who was still at the bar. "I don't trust him," she declared. "I don't trust his intentions, his motivations, anything about him. He is up to no good."

Caroline shook her head. "You're being overly dramatic."

"Do you know why I was so upset at you about the way you acted during the campaign? Because I didn't want you to behave in a manner that was beneath you. It doesn't mean that what you said about him was false. Everything I've ever heard about him proves that what you said during that speech was the truth."

"What a terrible thing to say. You don't even know him. And neither did I when I said those things."

"You don't know him now. At all."

"You need to stop being so cynical."

Christine sighed. "Caroline, I know enough about him to know what's going on here. You need to stay far away from that man. He's only going to hurt you."

Caroline turned and looked over at Jack, who was now walking toward them with drinks in his hands. She leaned toward Christine's ear, not wanting to give her emotions away to anyone else. Especially not Jack. Not yet.

"Chrissy, I like him. Being with him makes me feel good. For the first time in a long time, I feel happy. Can't you let me enjoy it?"

Christine put her arm around Caroline's neck in a half hug. It was a gesture she'd almost never extend to anyone while in public, not even Tom or her daughters.

"I don't want you to get hurt," she said softly.

"I know." Caroline returned the hug. "But you're going to have to let me make my own choices."

"I'm not sure I can."

"Can you pretend to be nice to him tonight? For me?"

Christine caught another glimpse of the necklace Caroline was wearing and inhaled sharply. "Only for you." She looked over Caroline's shoulder and flashed a smile that only her friends and family would know was fake. "Hello, John."

Caroline resisted the urge to smack her. What a fucking politician. But at least Christine was trying. For now.

Jack handed Caroline a wine glass. "Your Moscato, my lady." He leaned over to kiss Christine's cheek and greeted her warmly. "Hi, Christine."

He wouldn't have caught it, but Caroline saw the surprise in Christine's eyes.

"Thank you for coming," Christine told him.

"It was my pleasure," Jack said. "I was lucky enough to have a very wonderful woman accompany me. And, please call me Jack."

The look on Christine's face made it plain that he would still be John for the remainder of the evening, if not longer. Caroline knew she wouldn't stay with them long and sure enough, Christine started reading the crowd for familiar faces.

"If you two will excuse me, I've got to go pimp myself out for more money." She kissed Caroline on the cheek and whispered in her ear. "Just be careful, Punky."

She gave Christine a quick peck. "Go be charming to your guests, Congresswoman."

* * * * *

Caroline leaned back in the limo and Jack put his arm around her.

"That went well," he said. "Right?"

She patted his knee. "Sure."

"I must say, I got a weird vibe from Christine tonight."

She couldn't help but let out a bitter laugh. Christine's efforts to be nicer to Jack faded as the fundraiser dragged on. "More so than usual?"

"Yes. Have I done something to offend her?"

Caroline had never been one to bullshit anyone, at least when it came to the important stuff. She was well capable of it but it was one of her least attractive traits. And she wasn't going to behave that way with Jack. Not anymore.

"She doesn't trust you," she said.

Jack coughed. "Why?"

"She thinks you're, well, a-"

"Millionaire playboy?"

Caroline reflexively moved away from him, resting her elbows on her knees. "That's not the way I would phrase it."

"I'm sorry, Caroline." He closed the gap between them and put his hand on her back. "I shouldn't have said that. I take it she thinks I'm using you."

"Basically."

"I do have a piss poor track record when it comes to relationships. As in never being able to maintain one. And yes, I've used a lot of women."

"She thinks you're going to hurt me."

"I probably will."

Caroline stared at him.

"I don't mean intentionally," Jack said. "But I'll probably do something I'll regret because I don't know any better. I don't know how to treat women properly."

"You seem to be doing okay so far."

"You're different."

"You mean I'm not young, blond, and Republican?" Which seemed to be his type, from what Caroline could gather.

He chuckled. "I've sometimes dated women who are age appropriate for me, Caroline. Even women with dark hair, on occasion."

"Pictures or it didn't happen."

Jack rubbed her shoulder. "You're an amazing person. Someone who deserves only the best, no matter the circumstances. And one of my biggest fears about all of this is that I am going to hurt you and break your heart."

"Did you invite me to stay with you this weekend to get me to sleep with you?"

"No." He hesitated. "Although I'm not going to turn you down if that's what you want. You're an incredibly attractive woman."

"If we go forward with this it's going to change a lot of things. For both of us." She shivered although it wasn't cold and Jack took off his suit jacket and put it around her shoulders. His affectionate behavior wasn't helping her rationalize her way out of what she felt was inevitably going to happen.

"I'm willing to take that risk," he said. "Aren't you?"

"I didn't think I'd be ready for this so soon. I don't know if I'm making the right decision."

"Nothing has to happen tonight, sweetheart. If that's what it takes for you to trust me, we can go as slow as you want."

She wasn't sure if taking it slow was the best route, either. She found herself imagining all sorts of scandalous things when she was around him and every muscle in her body was ready to pounce. But it still felt wrong.

"I do trust you." Maybe saying it would convince her subconscious that the statement was true.

Jack smiled broadly. "Good."

"And I really enjoy spending time with you, talking to you, being around you," Caroline said. "I'm not sure it's a good idea for us to mess with that."

"So you didn't like kissing me?"

She scooted toward him. "I might have liked it a little."

"So did I." He wrapped his arm around her again and she leaned back against him.

She didn't want to hurt his feelings but needed to confess her fears. "I don't have casual relationships, Jack. If that's what you're after, I don't think we'll be able to work this out. I don't just fall into bed with people."

He turned to her and tipped her chin up until she was looking him in the eyes. "I've made a lot of mistakes in my life, Caroline. Things I'm not proud of. I'll probably continue to be an asshole who does terrible things to people. But I feel something for you I've never felt before. I want to see where it leads. You make me want to be a better human being. And I hope you're willing to give me the chance to be the man I know you need me to be."

She sat there stunned, not knowing what to say. From his tone of voice, she had half expected him to say he was in love with her. But he barely knew her. Men like him didn't fall in love with women like her. Maybe infatuation or lust, but not much more than that.

"Okay," she whispered, as the limo made the turn down the long, winding drive that led to his residence. The rational part of her was rapidly losing out to the impetuous side. "Let's try."

# Chapter Fourteen

Caroline

June

They were sitting on the couch in his living room. His very formal, very white living room. Based on what she'd seen so far, Caroline was willing to bet a significant amount of money that children had never set foot in his house.

"It's been a long time," she said to Jack. She was very tense. "I'm afraid I might have forgotten my technique."

Which, in her opinion, wasn't all that advanced to begin with. Nick had never been all that picky and she'd generally just been happy to get laid.

"It's just like riding a bike," Jack said.

She wanted to make an inappropriate comment but decided against it. "I guess so."

"What were you going to say?"

Caroline smiled nervously. "Well, you know that old joke about the town bicycle...."

He chuckled. "Are you saying I'm the bike?"

"Is there an answer to that question that won't sound completely judgmental?"

"You shouldn't be worried," Jack said. "The only thing that matters is that we're together. Right here, right now. It's just the two of us. We can be whoever or do whatever we want."

He kissed her cheek, letting his fingers drift along the nape of her neck. "What do you want?" he whispered.

All her self-control flew out the window. Without thinking, Caroline said, "I want to see that bedroom of yours."

Jack took her hand and led her up the stairs. Neither one of them spoke. He brought her into his bedroom and turned to her with passion in his eyes. Could he sense her trepidation?

He caressed her cheek. "You're so beautiful," he murmured. She closed her eyes and leaned in closer, hoping he'd move his hands to other parts of her body. But she was terrified of the other feelings that might arouse in her.

Jack began nipping at her neck as he slid his suit jacket off her shoulders, tossing it on a chair. "I want to make you feel good. Do all the things for you that you've been missing. Touch you the way you want to be touched. Make you shudder and tremble and moan. But I'm not going to do anything you don't want me to do, understand?"

The fiery promise in his voice caused her heartbeat to speed up. "Yes," she whispered.

Caroline stepped back and touched his face. Jack leaned in and started to kiss her neck again. He buried his face in her cleavage and she moaned. She was very glad that she was wearing a dress that showed a bit more skin than she normally preferred. She weaved her fingers through his hair and encouraged him to keep going.

Jack ran his hands down the length of her dress, nuzzling her through the smooth material as he worked his way down until he was on his knees. He gazed up at her with a boyish innocence in his eyes, and Caroline tilted her head back. He lifted up the hem of her dress and saw her garter belt. She'd put it on just in case. She was no femme fatale and the garters were not particularly easy to deal with, but they did make her feel sexy.

Jack grinned devilishly. "I love these."

He tugged at one of the garters attached to her thigh highs, then released it. It snapped back into place and Caroline moaned again. He shifted his position and she could feel his breath on the most sensitive part of her body as he began nuzzling her through her satin panties.

"Oh, sweet Jesus," she mumbled, and Jack let out a small laugh.

She ran her hand through his hair again, urging him on. He brought his hands up her legs and started teasing her, oblivious to the encumbrance of her underwear. It was driving her crazy. She was about to take them off herself until he leaned in to kiss her clit. The combination of his breath, his tongue, his mouth and his fingers over the material was almost unbearable.

"You're already wet," he said in a surprised tone. "And all for me."

Her knees grew weak. How could he do that, make her lose control simply by using his voice? Jack could sense that she was losing her balance and rose to his feet, gripping her hands firmly.

"Are you okay, sweetheart?"

She swayed into him, unbelievably turned on. Her entire body was trembling. "I think so. You definitely know what you're doing."

"I could do this to you all night," he whispered.

Jack cradled her head in his hands and kissed her hard, his tongue expertly finding hers. He turned her around until she was up against the wall and kissed her until she could barely take it anymore. She was frantically grabbing at his shirt, his tie, his suspenders. Pawing at his back and neck, anything she could hold on to in order to bring him closer to her. He spread her legs apart with his knee and leaned into her, taking his cue. She grabbed his ass and pushed herself into him until he unexpectedly pulled back.

"I'm sorry," he said breathlessly. "I promised you that I'd ask before I kissed you again."

Caroline was having a hard time concentrating. "I - what?"

"I said I'd-"

"I heard you." Her mind came back into focus. "We kissed right before we left for the fundraiser. Don't you remember?"

"I do. And _you_ were the one who kissed _me_. Remember?"

" _Now_ you're concerned about propriety? After everything you just did to me?"

Jack eyed her up and down. "Yes."

Caroline grabbed his tie. "Oh, shut up and put your tongue back in my mouth."

Jack kissed her again as she began to loosen his tie. She was groping at his shirt; her hands were shaking and she was having tremendous difficulty keeping them still long enough to undo the small buttons.

She broke their kiss. "Damn it. Why the fuck is your shirt so complicated?"

"Such coarse language from such a beautiful lady. You can rip it off if you want."

Caroline fumbled with the buttons. "Like I'm going to ruin an expensive piece of clothing. Screw it." She trailed her fingers up his neck and through his hair before pulling him closer to her. "I'll figure it out later."

His suspenders were much easier to pull down. Caroline could feel his smooth muscles through his dress shirt as they exchanged long, delicious kisses. She moaned against Jack's mouth and he stepped back from their embrace. He unbuttoned his shirt and let it fall to the floor, then pulled his white undershirt over his head with ease.

Caroline gaped at his chest and arms. He worked out. A lot. She was trying to figure out when he found the time to do it. He was arguably the best looking man in his forties she'd ever seen. She trailed a finger down his abdomen.

"You should have taken your shirt off months ago," she said. "I would have slept with you so much sooner."

"That's what I like to hear." He pushed her against the wall again. She wrapped her leg around him, pulling him even closer.

"Stop talking," Caroline said, still distracted.

"Someone's pretty bossy." Jack brought his mouth to hers. "And eager. I wonder what for."

She could feel his cock, hard as a rock, against her hip. Even through his pants she could sense his size, and she gasped.

He pulled back from her. "Do you want me to stop?"

She giggled softly. "No. But I discovered that you aren't compensating for anything with your giant house and fancy cars."

He looked down at the bulge in his groin, bringing her hand down to touch it. "You'll find out soon enough."

She wanted to find out as quickly as possible. Caroline dropped to her knees, eyeing his zipper. Jack tipped her chin up.

"No," he said. "Tonight is about you."

She wanted to argue with him. She really did. She wanted to rip off his pants and let him know exactly how she wanted the night to progress. But he yanked her to her feet and kissed her again, and somehow she lost her train of thought.

"You," he repeated.

Jack caressed her breasts through her dress and smiled silkily as her nipples grew hard. He kissed her chest again, working his way back down.

"Your clothing is in my way," he said in a muffled voice.

"You should probably do something about that, then," she whispered, kissing the top of his head.

"Tell me to stop and I'll stop." Jack pulled her toward the bed. "But I really want us both naked, as soon as possible."

He turned her around and began kissing her shoulders. A shiver ran down her spine and she felt desire continuing to pool inside of her. It had been so long since she'd been touched like this. She missed it. Caroline realized she'd never quite been touched like this before, or at least had never reacted this way.

_I'm in way over my head here_ , she thought.

And as Jack began to unzip her dress and trail kisses down her back, she discovered that she didn't really care.

* * * * *

A soothing hand was stroking her hair, tucking it behind her ear. She opened her eyes.

"Hello, sweetheart," Jack said.

Caroline yawned. "Did I fall asleep?"

"Just for a little bit. Did I wear you out?"

She looked at the clock on the nightstand. "It is pretty late."

"So I didn't wear you out?"

She smiled. "Maybe a little."

He pulled her into his arms. "I know you think you were out of practice but if that was you knocking the rust off, I think we're going to be just fine."

"That was C-plus work, tops," she said.

"Then I'd love to see your A game." Jack kissed her nose. "Did you enjoy yourself?"

Caroline snuggled into his neck. "Absolutely."

He started nuzzling her cheek. "You talk in your sleep. Did you know that?"

She toyed with his hair. "Unfortunately, I am very aware of that habit. What did I say?"

"I'm not telling."

"It wasn't bad, was it?" She didn't talk in her sleep that often, but her sleepytime ramblings almost always involved saying something that wasn't meant to come out. Or so she had been told.

"No. It was very, very good." He kissed her. "I think you should know something. When you were asleep, I texted my chief of staff. Told him I wasn't feeling well."

"You aren't?"

"Let me finish. I told him it was a shame that I'd have to cancel my constituent meetings, but that I simply had to spend the rest of the weekend at home. For my health, you see."

"I do see." Caroline smiled. "Do you need someone to take care of you?"

Jack pulled her on top of him. "I'm sure we can think of something therapeutic to do."

"I'm willing to do whatever it takes to make sure you're fully recovered by Monday." She started to kiss his chest, smiling as she rubbed up against him. "Although you seem to be doing pretty well without my assistance."

"Every little bit helps," Jack said.

"I'll do what I can." Caroline laughed at his physical response as she began to stroke him. "I like this."

Jack groaned as she ducked under the sheet. "I can tell." He sank back into his pillow. "I think I'm feeling better already."

She peeked out from under the sheet. "Really?"

"Yes," Jack said. "Don't stop, though. We don't want a relapse."

"I think we should stay in bed just to be safe." Caroline teased him with the tips of her fingers, kissing her way down his abdomen.

"Only if you go back to what you were doing."

She licked her lips. "That can be arranged." She dove back under the covers again. Maybe now he'd finally let her focus on him. "But I think you'll like this next trick better."

* * * * *

Jack flopped back against the pillow, a fine sheen of sweat on his forehead.

"Holy fuck," he panted. "Wow."

"That good?"

"Yes."

She smirked at him. "I try."

Jack rubbed his face. "That was incredible. I never would have guessed that you could behave that way."

Caroline's smile faded somewhat. "Huh?"

Jack blanched. "I mean, I-"

She tried not to laugh at his expression. "Be very, very careful what you say next."

"You're a talented woman," he said. "I suppose I should have figured that it would translate to the bedroom."

"I think it's important to maintain a proper skill set. If you like something, you should try to be good at it."

"You are. Believe me." He traced his finger down her arm. "Do you like sex in general, or sex with me?"

"Can't it be both?"

"I guess so."

"I've missed this," Caroline said quietly. "Not only the closeness of it, but I love sex. Like, really, really love sex."

"I suspected as much."

"Are you accusing me of being a horndog?"

"Maybe. We're going on, what, eighteen consecutive hours in bed?"

"We had breakfast."

"More like brunch, but I still had to go downstairs and get it for you."

"I've been forcing this all on you?"

Jack tugged the sheet down below her breasts. "Absolutely not," he murmured. "But it's good to know that you're okay with spending days at a time in here alone with me."

"I do have to leave on Monday. We have this employment thing going on in Washington, you know."

"I know." Jack looked at her thoughtfully. "You missed sex. You liked sex. Why weren't you having sex?"

Caroline blushed. "I told you. I was having it. With myself."

"Men would have been lining up to help you out with your...addiction."

"It's not an addiction. It's just one of my favorite hobbies."

"So why not?"

"I can't have meaningless sex. I don't think it's in my DNA."

"Are you really telling me that during every relationship gap, you just masturbated?"

"Like a crazy woman." Caroline grinned. "I have a very active imagination. It wasn't that bad. Except for the lack of emotional connection. I like myself and all, but I much prefer being with someone."

"Would you consider yourself a sex fiend with a sentimental streak?"

Caroline brushed the hair out of his face. "Sure."

"That's adorable." Jack kissed her neck. "How often did you get yourself off?"

She closed her eyes. He could do magical things with his tongue. "When I was young and single? Just about every night."

"What about lately?"

"Definitely every night. Sometimes more than once."

"Did you ever think about me?" he asked, teasing her breasts.

"Yes," Caroline admitted. Nearly all the damn time, if she was honest with herself.

"Good." Jack started to kiss her stomach, then brought his head back up. "Can you show me?" he asked.

She pulled the sheet back up around her. "What?"

"I want to watch."

"You want to watch me jill off?" she asked, somewhat wary.

He snorted. "Nice phrase. Yes."

"Right now?"

Jack brought his lips to her ear. "Yes." He yanked the sheet off of her. "Although I can't guarantee that I'll let you finish by yourself."

Caroline pulled back from him. "You don't think I'll actually do it, do you?"

"Not a chance," he said. "But I figured it wouldn't hurt to ask."

She let her hands drift down her body, fully aware that his eyes were trained on her every move. "You underestimate me, Mr. McIntyre."

His eyes grew wider as she reached her pelvis. "Apparently so, Ms. Gerard. But I'm quite pleased to be wrong."

* * * * *

Jack shook the box of condoms. "This is more than half empty."

"Was it unopened when we started this little adventure?"

"Charming woman. Yes."

Caroline glanced at the alarm clock and discovered they were now in the wee hours of the morning. "Are we going to run out?"

"We might. We have more than twenty-four hours to go."

She yawned. "If it's all the same to you, I'm okay with a little break."

"You aren't going to sleep, are you?"

"I'm not sure I've slept more than fifteen minutes since I got here. Nor have you. My body needs to rest a little."

"Not used to such a vigorous workout?"

"I can't remember the last time I had this much sex. Probably not even on my honeymoon."

"Is that okay?"

"It is, but my poor cha cha has to get used to being violated on a regular basis."

Jack's lips turned up. "Violated?"

"Thoroughly ravished and fulfilled?"

"Much better."

Caroline rested her head on Jack's chest. "Are you enjoying yourself?"

"I am having an exhaustively good time." He kissed the top of her head. "I can run a bubble bath for you if you want. And give you a nice long massage."

"Full service weekend, huh?"

"I'm always prepared."

Caroline stiffened, and Jack stroked her hair gently. "What is it?" he asked.

She straightened up and gathered the sheet around herself, resting back against the bedframe. "Did you treat your other women this way?"

Jack pulled himself up until he was sitting beside her. He looked tremendously uncomfortable. "I'm not sure I want to talk about that."

"I think we maybe need to. Don't you?"

He looked down at his hands. "I don't want your opinion of me to change."

"Why would it?"

"I don't want you to lose respect for me."

"Jack, I would never - is it that many?"

"It's a lot."

Caroline tightened her grip on the sheet. "How many of them got bubble baths?"

"I never kept any of them in here very long. When we were done, generally they left. Or I kicked them out. It wasn't...that sort of thing."

Which didn't completely answer the question, but.... "Oh."

"I'm not sure I feel comfortable talking about this," Jack said.

Caroline rubbed his upper arm. "It's okay. It's part of who you are."

"Not a very good part, I'm afraid."

"I know you can't change it," she said. "But you can be honest with me about it. If you promise not to kick me out after my bubble bath."

"I would never do that."

"How many?"

"I don't really have a firm number," Jack said.

"Then guess."

"I don't-"

Caroline put her head on his shoulder. "I won't judge you," she whispered. "I promise. I shouldn't have made that joke last night."

"It wasn't that far off the mark." Jack not so subtly shifted his eyes away from her. "If I truly had to guess, I'd say several hundred."

She couldn't hide her surprise. "Several hundred different women?"

"Yes."

"Any of them at the same time?"

Jack smiled sardonically. "No. And I've never dated more than one woman at once. Although most of my flings were incredibly short. Almost all one night stands, with a number of regrettable exceptions."

"Longest relationship?"

"Two or three months."

"How long ago?"

"Maybe ten years."

Caroline gulped. "So it's been a while."

"I guess."

"Ever pay for it?"

"Aside from several very poorly timed gift purchases, no."

"Full sex?"

"For the most part." Jack pulled away from her. "Or, uh, I was the recipient of certain acts."

"Well." That explained why he was so reluctant to let her go down on him, which was odd because he seemed to enjoy it, even if he didn't let her do it for very long. He was practically broadcasting his disgust at himself and his past behavior. "Wow."

"I shouldn't have told you."

"No," she said. "I'm glad you did. You didn't always reciprocate?"

He clenched his fists. "Sometimes they didn't want me to."

She tried not to laugh. "I find that very hard to believe."

"Okay. Most of the time, I was being a selfish asshole." He turned to her. "I never took advantage of them if they were in a compromised state. Not if they'd had too much to drink, or were vulnerable emotionally, or anything else. I want you to know that."

"I believe you."

"On many occasions it was two shallow people sharing a shallow experience. That was it."

"I told you I believe you." She wasn't lying, but she had a very strong desire to sink into the sheet and forget their entire exchange.

"Say something," Jack said.

Maybe she wasn't trying all that hard to forget. "I was doing the math."

Jack made a rude noise. "Don't do the math."

"No, I'm trying to account for our age gap, lifestyle differences, other factors-"

"Caroline, my sex life is not a story problem."

"I know."

Jack's voice rose. "I've fucked a lot of women," he said. "Fucked them over, more likely, if I'm truly honest with myself. Brought them into this house so they could blow me, so I could get laid, so I could feel good. And almost every single time it didn't mean a damn thing. I never felt anything."

"Jack, it's okay to have had feelings for those women. Any of them."

"But I didn't."

She tried not to think about what that said about her. "Okay."

"I should have told you this before now," Jack said. "Just saying it out loud makes me realize that what I've done is horrible."

He looked and sounded so upset that Caroline knew she had to do something. She pulled her hand out from under the sheet and ran it through his hair. "You didn't do anything wrong." She smiled ruefully when Jack glared at her. "Okay, you've broken some of the rules for being a nice guy."

"All of the rules."

She ignored that. "You've made it clear that you weren't always the most considerate man. But you haven't treated me that way, at all. If I needed to know any of this before now, I would have asked. You were honest and I appreciate it."

"The number is higher than you thought," Jack said.

It was very hard not to laugh. "Um, yeah."

"How many did you think it would be?"

"I don't know. Maybe around a hundred or so."

"It's probably closer to five."

Caroline chewed her lip and withdrew her hand. The number of women he'd slept with was almost unfathomable to her. Maybe she _had_ walked into more than she could handle.

"Is this a deal breaker?" Jack asked.

"No," she said. Instantly.

"May I ask how many partners you've had?"

"Hell no." She laughed when she saw the look on his face. "Of course you can, you goof."

"So?"

"It's a much, much lower number than yours."

"That's what I figured. How many?"

"Just take the figure you gave me and drop the zeroes off."

"Five?" Jack asked. "That's it?"

She frowned at him. "Don't act like that's a bad thing. I'm not exactly a virgin."

"It's not a bad thing," he said hastily. "I just would have thought more. Full sex?"

"Yes."

"Does that include me?"

Caroline averted her eyes. "Yeah. Although maybe you should count as two."

"Is that a polite way of telling me I'm a sex machine?"

As if he didn't know that already. "Absolutely."

"How many guys total?"

"For what?"

"Well, not dates, but maybe fooling around, heavy petting, making out."

"Is this my freshman year sex ed class? Do you really want to know?"

"Yes."

"I don't know. Maybe ten. I told you, I didn't date that much."

Jack squeezed her exposed hand. "You weren't kidding. Since you didn't date that much, how did you...pick up all these skills?"

"We talked about this already. I have an active imagination and am very comfortable with self-exploration. And in all of my committed relationships, I put out a lot."

"You _are_ good with your hands. I've seen it for myself. I'll remain silent on the putting out part."

"I have a lot of toys, too."

"Maybe I can help add to your collection. As long as you agree to keep them here."

"Sure."

"Being with you makes me realize that I made a mistake, fucking around with all those women," Jack said. "I should have never behaved that way. I should have waited for something meaningful like you did."

"I had kind of a soft fling once. Don't make it sound like I'm some paragon of virtue."

"Really?"

"Yeah. That's what made me realize I wasn't much for the lack of emotional commitment. And maybe being with all those women taught you something. Even if it took you decades to figure it out."

"Maybe it has." Jack gave her an affectionate look. "I would never treat you that way, Caroline. I want you to know that."

She lowered her eyes. "I know."

"I care about you very, very much," he said, rubbing her hand. "I-"

"You don't have to say anything else," she whispered. "Let's just enjoy what we have right now."

"I want to make sure you're okay."

"I'm fine." She rested her head against his chest. It was fast becoming her favorite place to be. "So tell me, Mr. McIntyre. If you never reciprocated how did you pick up all of your mad skills?"

"I didn't say I never reciprocated," Jack said. "And practice makes perfect. Plus some of us were just born to be good at certain things."

Caroline shuddered as he trailed his fingers down her breasts. "Lucky me, finding a guy who doesn't need much instruction."

"Are you sure you're okay with all of this?" He still sounded concerned.

She caressed Jack's cheek until she felt him relax. "I told you I was. It's not like I didn't suspect this when I made the decision to spend the weekend with you. Don't worry about it. Neither one of us can change the past."

Jack kissed the top of her head. "You make me want to enjoy the present, though."

Caroline leaned over and nipped at his lips. "Then start a damn bubble bath for me," she said, laughing as he yanked her off the bed and into the bathroom.

* * * * *

Jack had his arm around her as he walked her to her car. "I had a wonderful weekend."

"We spent most of it in bed," Caroline said.

"That was the best part. We spent a lot of other quality time together, don't you think?"

"I enjoyed myself. Might be a little sore on the drive back, though."

Jack returned her smile. "We should do this more often."

"I completely agree. But next weekend we should probably do the jobs we were elected to do."

"Maybe dinner a few nights this week?"

"Works for me."

Jack cupped Caroline's face in his hands. "Thank you," he said softly.

"For what?"

"For being you."

She shrugged. "Can't very well be anyone else."

He leaned in closer, pressing her up against the side of the car, kissing her deeply. She brought her hands around his shoulders, pulling him to her. It was a long time before he broke away.

He kissed her forehead. "Drive safe."

She closed her eyes. Leaving was hard. "I will."

Jack opened her car door and she climbed in, starting the engine. Caroline rolled the window down after he shut the door behind her.

"I'll call you when I get home," she said.

He stroked her cheek, started to say something, then stopped.

"What?" Caroline asked.

"Nothing. I'll miss you."

"You're going to see me tomorrow."

"That seems like a very long time from now." He kissed her. "My sweet Caroline."

Jack was looking at her very intently, and she knew she had to lighten the mood. "That song is about Caroline Kennedy, you know. She was only a kid when Neil Diamond wrote it."

His expression was stern but his voice was amused. "You can suck the fun out of anything, you know that?"

"I didn't say I didn't like it. I just wanted to point out some history. Some mildly perverted social history."

He kissed her again. "Leave now before I drag you back upstairs."

She reached out to trace his lips with her fingers. "I had a very, very good time."

He fingered the solitaire around her neck. "I know. Be safe. I'll see you tomorrow, sweetheart."

She kissed him again before rolling up the window, slowly pulling away. Jack stood in the driveway, watching her leave. She kept her eye on him in her rearview mirror until she was too far away to see him, and smiled the entire drive home.

# Chapter Fifteen

Caroline

June

Caroline had been delayed after a committee hearing and was late for a meeting with her staffers. She hated tardiness. Her employees understood it, given the random nature of her position, but she still found it unprofessional. She now deeply regretted her decision to wear three inch heels that morning. She should have gone with the kitten heels. She knew she'd be running around all day. Why hadn't she gone with the kitten heels?

She huffed her way into her office, giving a regretful glance to her receptionist. "I'm sorry, Laura. Running late, again. Please tell me Jen isn't ready to strangle me."

Laura smiled at her. "Jen rescheduled your meeting for later this afternoon. But I think she still wants to chat with you about something."

Her expression was a little unreadable but Caroline wasn't going to pursue it. "Okay." She marched into her office. Jen and Kathleen were sitting on the couch whispering to each other, and straightened up when she walked in.

"Hi," Caroline said.

Jen grinned. "Hello, Congressperson."

Caroline gave her a quizzical look. She was a big fan of gender neutral language but hated that term with the burning passion of a thousand suns. "Is there a reporter hiding in the room?"

Kathleen laughed. "Not hardly."

Jen walked over to the door and shut it. She spun around. "Spill it."

Now Caroline was thoroughly confused. "Spill what?"

Kathleen gestured toward the corner, flouncing down in one of the chairs facing Caroline's desk. "This should be so good." She settled in as Jen took the seat next to her.

There was a tasteful arrangement of at least three dozen roses of various colors and sizes on Caroline's desk. A huge teddy bear now occupied her leather chair.

"Shit." She grabbed the card from the bouquet. It was still sealed. Good.

"Nice for them to come addressed to Congressperson Gerard," Jen observed. "I can't remember the last time anyone's called you that."

"It is technically a proper title for me," Caroline said indignantly. "Even if I find it annoying."

"Did a lobbyist send you flowers and a giant stuffed animal?" Kathleen was still trying not to laugh, as she joined Caroline behind the desk. "I would have thought you'd hold out for more, what with your high ethical standards and all."

Caroline frowned at her and held the card out of her reach. "I don't like you."

Jen forced herself to keep a neutral expression, which would have impressed Caroline at any other time. "What's the card say?" she asked.

Caroline opened it, batting Kathleen's hand away. "You're being obnoxious," she said, trying not to laugh.

Kathleen laughed at her. "I want to see it."

"No way," Caroline said, pulling out the card and keeping it away from Kathleen's prying eyes.

Thank you for a wonderful weekend, my sweet Caroline. I thought your staff would get a kick out of the envelope. This bear would look spectacular in your office. Dinner tonight? And perhaps some close, personal, clothing optional time at my place?

Jack

PS: Jen and Kathleen, if you're reading this, don't tell your boss.

"Come on. What's it say?" Kathleen said.

Caroline quickly stuffed the card back in its envelope, putting it in the lockable center drawer in her desk, hoping Jack had a discreet florist. "None of your business."

"I have a key to that drawer," Kathleen said casually. "You might want to pick another one."

Caroline took the card out and put it in her purse.

"Better take that with you if you go anywhere this afternoon," Kathleen said, sitting back down.

"You are mean and I still do not like you," Caroline retorted.

Jen smiled. "Maybe we should lay off her, Katie. She's bright red already."

"Yeah," Caroline said. "Be nice."

"So, who are the flowers from?" Jen pressed.

"I thought you were going to lay off."

"On the teasing about the card. Not on the pursuit of the facts."

Caroline put the teddy bear on the floor and sat down. "Who do you think they're from?"

Kathleen raised her hand. "Ooh, ooh, let me guess!"

Caroline leaned back in her chair. "How much caffeine have you had today?"

"Oh, far too much," she said. "You want to do it pseudo-Twenty Questions, or maybe play some charades? I'm bored and you need to entertain me."

"Hold up, Katie. You might not want to guess right away," Jen said. "She did go to Christine's fundraiser this weekend. Although giant teddy bears don't really seem her style."

Caroline crossed her arms and glared at them both. "You're going to force me to say it, aren't you?"

Kathleen laughed. She never got sick of giving Caroline a hard time. "You're so funny when you're defensive. Give it up, Caroline. We know."

Jen smiled. "Doesn't take a genius to figure it out. He's been doting on you for months. I'm surprised it took this long."

"Was it that obvious? Does the entire office know?"

"I wouldn't go that far," Jen assured her. "They might suspect something now, though."

"He's totally rich," Kathleen said. "Was there money in the envelope?"

Caroline rolled her eyes. "You are so uncouth, Katie."

Jen gave Kathleen a knowing glance. "The big gift's around her neck."

Caroline brought her hand up to the diamond necklace. She'd forgotten she'd put it on that morning. "I'm starting to figure out why no one takes us seriously."

"They take me seriously," Jen said. Which, thankfully, was true. "Not my fault you and Katie are so jolly all the damn time. Spill it, sister."

"Jack escorted me to Christine's fundraiser," Caroline said. "It's not a big deal."

"Of course it's a big deal," Jen countered. "You cleared your calendar for a reason. You spent the entire weekend with him."

It was a statement not a question, and Caroline sighed. This was her punishment for being close friends with her two most important staffers.

"I did," she acknowledged.

"And he gave you that rock?" Kathleen was practically jumping out of her chair.

"He did."

"So, how was it?" Jen asked.

"Are you asking me what I think you're asking me?"

"I meant the fundraiser," she said innocently.

"Like hell you did."

"We're glad you're happy." Jen smiled. "And I was kidding, we really don't need details."

"He looks really good with his shirt off," Caroline said distractedly, gazing down at the teddy bear.

Kathleen glanced over at Jen. "She wants to tell us so much more than that."

Jen grinned. "I don't know if I really want to hear it."

"You think I do?" Kathleen asked. "Unless she's referring to that cute stuffed animal and not her new boyfriend. In which case I think we have bigger issues to worry about. I really don't want to have to quash rumors that my boss is a Furry."

Caroline snapped her head back toward them. "I'm sorry. Were you two talking? I was concentrating on something else."

Jen chuckled. "Or _someone_ else. Stop daydreaming, Caroline. You were totally aglow when you walked in this morning. I suspected something was up."

"Oh, you did not," Kathleen broke in. "I was the one who figured it out first."

"Because of our special mind meld?" Caroline asked.

"No," she said. "Although that is the most disturbing part of our employment relationship. McIntyre is just...into you. That's all I'm saying."

"I figured it out last. Is that what you're telling me?"

"You knew but you weren't ready." Jen gave Caroline a concerned look. "Are you ready now?"

Caroline rocked back and forth in her chair. "I wasn't expecting it. It happened faster than I'd anticipated."

"Think it's going anywhere?" Jen asked.

"I hope so. I don't do casual. You know that."

Kathleen gave her the same look of concern that Jen had. "What about him?"

"I don't know. He's so much different than I thought he would be. We had such a good weekend. But I worry that we're not that compatible. Am I crazy? I must be crazy, right?"

Jen frowned. "You're not crazy. I didn't think you'd ever date another member of Congress, much less a Republican, but you're not one to make stupid decisions. Clearly there's something that makes you trust him."

"I do trust him," Caroline said. "But objectively this looks odd. Or is that my imagination? Are we going to get bad press over this? Should I be worried?"

Jen laughed. "You have never, ever been concerned about bad press except for the gratuitously nitpicky junk. Why would you change now?"

Her chief of staff had a much different impression of her ability to handle unfavorable opinions than Caroline did. Maybe because she was always giving her boss the benefit of the doubt. Caroline generally accepted the legitimate criticism she received for her policy positions but hated when people crossed the line and made particularly odious, unfairly personal attacks.

She had always declined to use her daughters as props during her campaigns and made limited appearances with her entire family. In part because Nicky didn't like the glad-handing game, but mostly because she wanted to keep her husband and children away from judgmental eyes. She recognized that any image of her as a loving wife and mother would score her points in the long run, but she didn't think it had any bearing on whether she was qualified for office.

"It's my private life," Caroline grumped. "And you know how I feel about that. Close to the vest. My business."

Kathleen pursed her lips. She enjoyed giving Caroline a hard time, but she adjusted once she realized it was time to be serious. "It may not be private for long. I'm sorry, boss. We can try to minimize but the gossip rags will be all over you once they figure it out. The backstory is too compelling."

Caroline glanced at the bear in the corner. "Ostentatious gifts probably don't help."

Kathleen relaxed. Just a little. "That thing is ginormous. Are you going to take it home?"

"No, Katie. I'm going to leave it here so that every other legislator can comment on it and constituents can ask me where it came from."

"You'd better put it someplace where he can see it," Jen said. "Perhaps in your dining room."

"Or facing your bed." Kathleen chuckled. "That wouldn't be disturbing at all."

"Does Rockville have a burn ordinance?" Caroline asked.

Jen and Kathleen laughed.

"I was just curious," Caroline said. "Totally unrelated question."

"Were you going to build a bonfire in the backyard?" Kathleen asked.

"I think it's too big to accidentally toss into a lit fireplace." She looked over at the bear again. It was tacky and tasteless and if she really admitted it, downright hilarious. "He got the most obnoxious thing on purpose."

Jen grinned again. "That might be why he's a good fit for you. Did you tell him how you feel about clowns?"

Kathleen giggled. "You'd better, or you're gonna end up with some creepy nightmares once a humongous Bozo doll ends up in your house."

Caroline shuddered. "We do not speak of clowns in this office. You know that."

"What do Marguerite and Sophie think of all of this?" Jen asked.

"Mo told me to go out with him when I dropped her off at camp. I guess she sensed something too. Christ, was I the last one to figure it out?"

"Doesn't matter," Kathleen said. "As long as you've gotten around to it now."

Caroline rubbed her forehead. "Chrissy doesn't like him."

Kathleen shook her head. "That figures. She needs to pull that stick out of her-"

Jen cut her off. "I'm sure she'll take a liking to him eventually. How are you feeling about it? Seriously?"

Sometimes making eye contact with her chief of staff was hard. "I didn't think I'd be ready for this so soon. I still don't know if I am. And I might not know what I'm getting myself into."

"Give yourself more credit," Jen said. "And give him a little bit too."

"Nick would want you to move on," Kathleen said quietly, and Jen threw her a nasty look.

Caroline waved her off. "It's okay, Jenny. She's right. He's indulging me even though he's no longer here."

Jen's smile was slow to develop, but stayed. "Indeed he is."

"I still feel torn," Caroline whispered. "Like I'm cheating on him or something."

"Don't dwell on that," Jen said. "He'd want you to be happy. You can't stay in a rut forever."

"You're only saying that because I haven't yelled at you in months."

"I'm saying it because I care about you and it's nice to see you this way. Last year was hard."

Although both staffers had always been attached to her family, Jen was much more measured and reflective than Kathleen when it came to relationships. She still struggled with Nicky's death. Jen liked him a lot and knew from the beginning that he was the foundation of Caroline's stability and poise.

"I know," Caroline said. "I'm sorry."

"I didn't mean for us," Jen said. "I meant for you. We dealt with it."

"Speak for yourself," Kathleen said. "Caroline was a straight up bitch for a while. Drove me fucking crazy."

"Thank you, Katie." Caroline stood up and crossed her arms. "You're really building up my self-esteem."

Kathleen looked chagrined. "I didn't mean to hurt your feelings. But it's so much better when you're the way you're supposed to be. It was quite depressing when I was the only joker around here."

"I was able to get a lot more work done when you were the only joker around here," Jen said.

"Now, girls. There's plenty of work for all of us. And there are always pranks to be had." Caroline felt her stomach growl. "Want to grab some lunch?"

"Isn't that Jack's job now?" Kathleen asked. "To feed you, I mean."

"He's got some caucus thing over the noon hour. And he's taking me to dinner. I'm yours for the rest of the afternoon."

"Great," Kathleen said. "Let's order a pitcher of margaritas and pester Jen about Eric and his inability to make a permanent commitment. And I guess we can listen to you talk more about that Republican's sexy body."

"Sounds fantastic." Jen headed toward the door. "Maybe you can give me some ideas so that I end up with three dozen roses, a giant teddy bear, and a marriage proposal after four years."

Caroline grabbed her purse, making sure the card from Jack was still tucked safely inside an inner compartment. "Let's roll."

# Chapter Sixteen

Maureen sat in her car, her hands shaking. The young man at the corner store had eyed her a little strangely, but since she paid cash for the phone and the money was good he didn't really care about any reasons she might have for buying it. He simply activated it and sent her on her way.

She had driven to a park in Alexandria far away from her house in Silver Spring, and was sitting in the deserted parking lot. She frowned at herself, still somewhat upset that she was turning into an extremely anxious woman. She knew it was unflattering. But she also knew she had good cause to be worried. With a trembling hand, Maureen dialed the number at her parents' home in Brownsville. Her father picked up on the first ring.

"Hi, Dad," Maureen said.

"Reenie!" he exclaimed. "How are you?"

"Eh, I'm okay." She knew his phone routine, and asked the question before he had a chance to speak again. "Are you going to tell me what the temperature is down there?"

"It's a balmy 88 degrees here in south Texas today," her father said. "What's it like in Washington?"

Maureen scowled at the giant piles of snow at the edge of the parking lot. "Don't ask."

"To what do I owe the pleasure?" her father asked.

"Don't sound so surprised that I called."

"I don't know what you're talking about. Of course, it wouldn't hurt for my only daughter to call a bit more often, but I understand how busy you are." He laughed. "I can put your mother on the phone if you'd like her to spell it out a little more colorfully."

Maureen chuckled. "No, that's fine. Hey, you've got that referendum next week. How's that working out for you?"

Her father made a rude noise. "I'm voting for secession. Fuck Santos."

"Dad-"

"Don't start, Reenie. I never thought I'd say this, but I'm just fine with us leaving. We'll be all right on our own."

"But-"

"Bastard wants everything a working man has," her father spat. "He wants my guns? My land? My money? Come and take it!"

Maureen grimaced. "Daddy, really. Don't talk that way. You're not at the Alamo, for God's sake."

"Ah, I don't want to talk about this. Makes me upset. Why don't you do us both a favor and change the subject."

She was more than willing to do that. "I was thinking about taking some vacation time to visit you and Mom. Hang out by the pool, buy some cheap stuff in Mexico, the whole relaxing works. Maybe head over to South Padre, swing up to Galveston. Make a grand trip of it, you know?"

Her father's voice brightened considerably. "We'd love that, darlin'. When are you coming?"

"I thought maybe some time next week, if that's okay."

"You're always welcome here."

"Is it okay if I bring someone?"

He would make assumptions about who that might be, but she wasn't going to say too much to him. Not on the phone.

"That's fine," he said. "We have plenty of room. Want to talk to your mother?"

"Tell her I'll call her tomorrow to catch up. I've gotta chat with Aimee too, see if she'll be able to spend any time with me while I'm down there." She bit back the apprehension climbing up her throat. "I miss you."

"We miss you too, Reenie. Stay safe. We love you."

"I will. I'll talk to you soon."

Maureen heard her father hang up and steeled herself. This next call was definitely going to be harder than the one she had just made. She dialed her daughter's cell number. The phone rang a few times and Maureen thought she would have to figure out a message to leave, but Aimee finally picked up on the fourth ring, answering with a tentative hello.

Maureen tried to keep her voice steady. "Hey, kiddo."

Aimee's voice relaxed. "Sorry. I didn't recognize the number."

"I've been having some trouble with my phone," Maureen said. "Picked up a backup just in case. To be safe."

"You're so paranoid, mom."

"I am not."

"You are. What's up?"

"I just wanted to hear your voice. How'd your test go this week?"

"It was fine. You were right. Astronomy is not an easy A. But I think I passed."

"Good."

"That can't be the only reason you called."

Maureen twirled her hair in her fingers. She was turning into a nervous wreck. "I've got some personal time I need to use. I was thinking of visiting grandma and grandpa in Brownsville, spending a few days there before heading to Galveston for a little break. Want to join me?"

"Over Spring Break?"

"No, sooner than that. Maybe in a week or so."

"That's quick. Work must be busting your balls."

"None of that," Maureen clucked. "Just because you're a thousand miles away doesn't mean you get to speak like that. Especially to me."

"Okay. But that's such odd timing. Why now?"

"Use or lose, kiddo. I've already been hassled about never taking any time off."

"Are you going to fly down? If you fly into Bergstrom I could pick you up and we could spend a couple of days together."

"No, I'm probably going to drive. I might bring a friend."

Aimee's tone changed. "A man?"

"No, sweetheart. A friend of mine. Female."

"It's okay for you to date."

"I know." Maureen hadn't exactly been celibate. She'd dated in the past few years, off and on. But she'd never gotten serious.

"Who's the friend?"

"Just a coworker. She's very nice. You'd like her a lot. She's fallen on some hard times lately and I figured a trip might cheer her up."

"That's nice of you."

"I do occasionally do nice things."

"I know," Aimee said. "So should I like, save this number?"

"That's probably a good idea. I might be using this for a while until I get the other one fixed."

"Okay." Aimee paused. "I miss you."

"I miss you, too. It's hard having you so far away. How are things?"

"It's weird. All the in-state kids are looking at those of us from outside Texas kind of oddly, you know? And when people find out I'm from DC, forget about it."

"Remind them your family is full of native Texans. You have some street cred there."

"I know. But it's a weird dynamic. I don't know what's going to happen. The school says there are no issues with any of us staying here, which is nice."

"Good. Remember, if there are any problems at all, go see Nana and Papa Savage in Waco. It's not that close but they're always there for you. "

"Yeah. The referendum is next week. I think they're going to vote to secede." Her daughter's anxiety broke through. "What's going on right now? Will you even be able to get here?"

"Don't worry about any of that now, sweetie. You're safe, you're near family, and you are going to be fine. We're all going to be fine. Look, I'll call you in a few days once I hit the road. Okay?"

"Okay." Aimee sighed into the phone. "I love you, mom."

"I love you too, kiddo."

Maureen hung up the phone and rested her forehead on the steering wheel. She was crazy for even planning this. For thinking it would work. And even though she wanted to spill her guts to her daughter she knew better. No, she had to act without thinking too much about it.

"God grant me the courage to do this," she whispered, as she put the car into drive and left the parking lot.

# Chapter Seventeen

**Caroline**

July

"I'm honored that you decided to sit next to me," Ellen said.

Caroline fiddled with her seat buckle. She hated flying, but sucked it up and managed anyway. "This was my assigned seat. I didn't think they did that on chartered flights."

"You didn't have to stay here. But I'm glad you did." Ellen smiled. "There's a very handsome man across the aisle who can't take his eyes off of you."

Ellen liked to play games sometimes, and apparently she had every intention of hassling her seat mate the entire journey.

"Spit it out," Caroline said.

Ellen glanced across the aisle at Jack, who appeared to be trapped in conversation with a Republican he barely knew. "I hear McIntyre took you to Christine Sullivan's fundraiser a couple of weeks ago."

Caroline blushed. "It's not all that big a deal."

"Because you're such a casual dater."

"Jen told Eric, didn't she?"

Ellen laughed. "Probably."

Caroline turned and looked behind them. Jen and Eric were holding hands and talking.

"Do you think it looks weird that we're the only ones who brought our most important staffers on this trip?" she asked.

"No," Ellen said. "Bob brought his chief of staff too. Unless people start to think we were trying to give Jen and Eric their own little getaway."

"In romantic Jerusalem," Caroline said dryly.

"Do not mock the Holy Land," Ellen scoffed. "You know not what you say."

"Most people would bring a legislative aide or other staffer along," Caroline pointed out.

"We're not most people. I can't speak for why you chose Jen, but Eric never gets out of the office. He deserves a little fun."

"That must be why the two of them make such a good couple. I've always wondered what they have in common besides politics. I don't think I've ever heard that guy make a joke."

"Jen's been laughing. She must have found something he said funny."

"Jenny's easy to entertain," Caroline said. "She puts up with me."

She turned back around and smiled at her chief of staff. Jen glanced across the plane at Jack, then back to Caroline, and winked.

Caroline scrunched down in her seat. "I think my ears are burning."

"I'm sure they're lost in their own little world," Ellen assured her. "They're just enjoying the perks that come with being our very trusted and entirely too uptight chiefs of staff."

"Who told you about me and Jack?"

"I put it together. Word gets around."

"Great."

"Don't worry. It hasn't gotten too far. Representative Capwell told me. He was at the fundraiser, too. And he knows we're friends."

Caroline racked her brain. Brian Capwell was an extremely conservative Republican Congressman from the outskirts of Pittsburgh. She hadn't remembered seeing him in the ballroom. "He was?"

"I guess you were too busy paying attention to your date to mingle with your colleagues."

"I feel bad for not noticing him. I like Brian." He was cordial and kind, which was more than she could say for some of his ideological compatriots.

"I don't think he was offended, so don't worry. You know, you and Jack could have volunteered to share a hotel room."

Caroline gave her an annoyed look. "Ellie, really."

"I'm kidding. I know what a consummate professional you are." Ellen looked across the aisle again. "He _is_ cute. In a Republican bad boy kind of way."

"Oh, he's no boy," she blurted out.

"Oh my. You've got it bad, don't you?"

"Is it that obvious?"

"Probably not to the general public."

"What about the rest of the delegation?"

Ellen laughed again. "Those old men? They're caught up in their own delusions of grandeur. I'm assuming it's obvious to Representative McIntyre, though."

"Lower your voice."

Ellen squeezed her hand reassuringly. "The plane is loud. He can't hear us." Her tone turned serious. "Why didn't you tell me?"

She sounded a little hurt, and Caroline was flooded with guilt. "I'm sorry. I haven't seen you that much lately. It's still pretty new."

"Well, now we've got an entire flight in which to catch up."

Caroline squeezed her hand back. "Do you forgive me for being such a horrible friend?"

"I do. Mostly because none of my family members were able to come along on this trip and you're the only one of these nutjobs I care to hang around with."

"Why'd you invite them?"

"Sometimes we have to put policy above personality. I'm glad you agreed to come, though."

"Me too."

"So how is it? The glow of a new relationship, I mean. When are you going to grant your first joint interview?"

Caroline made a very unladylike face. "Don't even joke about that shit. I hate the spotlight."

"I know."

"It hasn't been that long. I didn't want to make it obvious, you know? The media rakes us over the coals enough anyway. We're trying to keep it low key for the time being."

"I understand. I won't go blabbing. Are you happy?"

"Yeah," Caroline said. "Whoda thunk it?"

"I would," Ellen said. "You thrive on human companionship, whether platonic or not. I think he's a good fit for you."

"You don't even know him."

"There's something about him. I can't put my finger on it. I've heard all that nonsense people say about him but I haven't seen anything to back it up." She tapped her armrest. "What's Christine think of all of this?"

Ellen and Christine were friendly, but probably wouldn't call themselves friends. Mostly because they were much further apart on the political spectrum than Caroline was in relation to them. Ellen was also more idealistic and trusting than Caroline and Christine, which Caroline always found endearing since it broke every stereotype she had about Southern California. Caroline didn't want to feed her own ego, but it was entirely plausible that Ellen and Christine only pretended to get along because of their individual relationships with her.

"Chrissy doesn't like to think much about it, if you catch my drift," Caroline said.

"She'll get over it."

"That's what Jenny said."

They heard laughter coming from a couple of rows behind them. Caroline recognized the female trill. It was definitely Jen.

"They do seem to be enjoying themselves," she said.

"They're allowed to share a room," Ellen announced. "I said so."

Caroline pretended to undo her seat belt. "I'm regretting not switching seats. Maybe there's still time."

"It's a long trip across the Atlantic, and I haven't really seen you in weeks. Unless you want to sit with that randy young aide in the back of the plane, you're stuck with me."

"I think he was either playing video games or downloading porn right before we boarded. Not sure which one out of the two is preferable."

"I bet it was porn. Did you see what genre it was?" Ellen asked. "Maybe he's into older women who have totally opposite political views from him. MILF or cougar porn."

"I don't know whether to be shocked or impressed, Senator. I had no idea you even knew what MILF meant."

"I don't live under a rock, Caroline. My home state is the capital of the adult film industry. I know all the acronyms."

"If you have a private collection of higher end flicks, I don't want to know."

"Fine. I'm rescinding your invite to our next key party. A shame. I bet McIntyre's got quite a bit going on under that suit."

Caroline raised her chin. "He suits me just fine."

Ellen grinned triumphantly. She loved being right. "What an adorable play on words. He must do okay for an older man, then."

"That's none of your business."

"I'm betting you open up about that shit in about hour eight of the flight."

Caroline knew she'd be spilling her guts to Ellen by the time the sun went down and the rest of the travelers nodded off. The woman was quite skilled at coaxing highly sensitive and unnecessary details out of people, and she loved the salacious stuff. It was part of the reason they got along so well. They were both huge perverts.

"Maybe," she said. "Is there booze on this thing?"

"Maybe," Ellen echoed cryptically. "Are you sure you don't want to go after the boys straight out of college? This may be your last chance, if that man across the aisle has anything to say about it."

"I prefer mature men," Caroline said.

"I can see that. But you should never rule out the baby veal."

"Not when there's man meat around."

Ellen laughed again, louder this time. "You keep this up and people _will_ think we've been drinking. Stop making me laugh."

"You can fake professionalism while we're talking. I'm not that much older than most Congressional aides. Maybe that kid in the back prefers the elderly. Like you. You two could talk social security for hours, I bet."

"I am in my prime," Ellen said huffily. "And there's no harm in him enjoying a well-produced movie. Gotta find some way to get through a fifteen hour flight. Looks like you're stuck with me. Ha."

"No hope for sleep?"

"Not a chance."

"I guess I can live with that."

"Eric showed me pictures of a few rings the other day," Ellen said. "Asking for my expert opinion. I think he's going to propose soon."

"Really?" Caroline was pleased. "About damn time. Jesus, if I have to hear Jen complain on one more romantic holiday-"

"You'll have to wait until September for her to calm down. I get the feeling he's going to do it when we've recessed for the summer."

"Great, two more months of kvetching."

"It can't be that bad. Are you going to break the Yiddish out for this trip? Going full on?"

"I always break out the Yiddish, even when you're not around. You know that."

"I'll teach you some of the more obscure stuff. You can work it into your vernacular while we're here."

"Thanks," Caroline said. "And can you tell Eric to try not to forget important dates? Jen almost cried when I got flowers on Valentine's Day and she didn't."

Ellen arched an eyebrow. "And who gave you flowers?"

"Take a wild guess."

Ellen glanced across the aisle again. "Oh, he's good, isn't he?"

"Smooth operator," Caroline agreed.

"You will have to make some time for me this trip," Ellen said. "And your other responsibilities. I didn't invite you just so you could hole away in a hotel suite with some horny Republican man, no matter how attractive he is."

"Sure. Why _did_ you invite Jack?"

"He's got some really solid business contacts in the Middle East. And I've been very impressed with what I've heard about his performance on the House Committee on Foreign Affairs. I thought he'd earned it."

"You didn't invite him just for me?"

"Don't flatter yourself. I'm a pragmatist first and a romantic second. You two can plan your own secret getaways without my help and without the financial assistance of my favorite foundations." She grinned again. "I invited the Speaker for you. And for the rest of us. He's got a large personal budget for revelry. Which will probably start as soon as we get to the hotel."

Caroline decided to be a little obnoxious. "Why'd you invite _me_?"

"You're an Honorary Jew. Have you forgotten?"

One of their inside jokes. Caroline had gone ahead and made Ellen an Honorary Catholic since she was so good at holding onto unnecessary guilt. And doling it out.

She nudged Ellen's shoulder. "No. Although I think there are very few people who would find that concept as amusing as we do."

"I thought it was time you learned about your honorary heritage," Ellen said innocuously.

"Seriously."

"I told you on the phone. You're on Homeland Security. It's important for you to know how our allies are responding to threats in this part of the world, because it impacts the decisions that we make when it comes to defending ourselves. I also knew you'd want to know the current status of Palestinian-Israeli relations."

"Those are pretty lines, Ellen, but be honest."

Ellen smiled again. "I might have also done it because I missed you. I've been busy this summer. And your committee participation is a plausible cover story."

"So it is. Are you going to show me the land of your people?"

"As much as I can. The delegation will be going a few places but I know how you like the non-traditional stuff. I told them to cover as much ancient history as possible."

"You know me. Someday I'm gonna quit this lousy job and work at the Smithsonian."

"No, you'll end up as a Capitol tour guide. You're good at walking backwards."

Caroline had a reputation for giving personalized tours for her constituents. Whenever Ellen saw her leading visitors around, she always cracked a joke. Especially if Caroline was wearing heels.

"It takes talent to lead a group while sporting a wicked pair of slingbacks," Caroline said.

Ellen reflexively looked down at Caroline's shoes, giving her an approving glance. "You've got a good receptionist's voice too. Very soothing."

"I'm not giving tours for your office. So don't ask."

"See if I ask you on another chartered trip to Israel."

"So, do they sell kugel at every restaurant in Jerusalem?" Caroline asked. "I was planning on eating nothing but noodles and raisins the entire time I was here. And challah. I want lots and lots of challah."

Ellen shook her head. "Oh, Caroline. Even though your stereotypes are positive and yummy, we must still try to break you of them."

"No gefilte fish. I draw the line. Only desserts and non-pickled food."

Ellen sighed loudly. "You've got a lot to learn."

Caroline folded her arms. "Then tell me what you know, Senator."

"We've got a good ten hours or so before we get there. You sure you can handle all that knowledge?"

She had been well prepared to talk about porn the entire flight but was willing to switch gears. "Try me."

* * * * *

Caroline yawned as she hung up the last of her suits, lugging her suitcase over to the closet. She hated how she felt after transatlantic flights. She also hated unpacking. She wasn't a big fan of Congressional jaunts either, even though they were almost all privately funded.

The six members of Congress and their staffers deplaned and settled into their hotel in the early afternoon, leaving the rest of the day for sleep and relaxation. They were staying at the Mamilla Hotel. Caroline had underestimated the deep pockets of the foundation paying for the trip; they were really shelling out for their little group. She'd stayed in many nice hotels as a member of Congress but was very impressed with what she'd seen so far.

She was ready to fall onto the bed for a well-deserved nap when she heard a soft knock at the door. Caroline practiced her politician smile, which turned into a genuine grin once she peeked through the peephole and saw who was standing in the hallway. She threw the door open.

"Hi," she said.

Jack stepped into the room and grabbed Caroline around the waist and pressed his lips to hers. He laughed at her expression as he pulled away. "Hi, yourself."

She straightened her hair, not wanting to admit he'd thrown her off. "That was one hell of a greeting," she stammered.

"You're the one who ignored me on the plane. I was making up for it."

"We talked about that. I think I waved at you once or twice while we were in the air. And I don't recall ignoring you before we left for the airport."

"Oh, yes. I remember that. The early morning sex was nice."

They had spent the night at his townhouse in Georgetown since their chartered flight was departing from Dulles the next morning. Caroline had little desire to drive the long distance from Maryland to northern Virginia, and she figured out pretty quickly that Jack's desire was to spend as much time with her as possible. She did her best to wake him up in a very pleasant manner before their car arrived.

They had discussed protocol for the trip while they were stuck in traffic. Don't make things too obvious. Try to stay platonic. Be discreet.

"I could have had someone in here," she accused. "We're trying to be careful, you know."

"I know." Jack led her to the couch in the middle of the suite, falling back into the cushions. "But I figured you were settling in. Plus it's not like everyone doesn't already know."

"Everyone? Meaning all the people here?"

"Senator Wagner had his suspicions."

"Only because you kept trying to make googly eyes at me on the plane."

Jack rubbed her shoulder. "You noticed, huh?"

"What about the staffers?"

"They're too busy brown nosing to pay attention."

"Ellen and I brought our chiefs of staff, as did Bob. There's not much brown nosing for them to do."

"They aren't the ones I'm thinking of."

"Fair enough. Anybody else?"

"I'm not sure," Jack said. "Don't worry about it. We can trust these people. I think."

"Speak for yourself. I trust you and Ellen and Bob. I don't know Wagner at all."

"He was nice enough on the plane."

"What did you two talk about?"

"I now know much more than any one man needs to know about fly fishing."

Caroline laughed. Senator Wagner was from Wyoming and was completely in touch with nature. That was about the only thing she knew about him. "Good to know he's a one trick pony. Ellen strove for diversity on this trip. I'm pretty sure his aide was watching porn in the back of the plane the entire flight."

"Wagner has good taste when it comes to his hiring practices, then," Jack said.

"He might have been watching midget porn. You don't know."

"Is there anything wrong with that?"

"No. Ellen was wondering if it was something just as naughty."

"Like what?"

"Cougars and MILFs."

"Ellen knows what a MILF is?"

Caroline laughed again. "I was just as amazed as you."

"I think I'm going to have to spend more time with Senator Goldman on this trip," Jack said.

"She's a sweetheart. I hope you can."

"I'll certainly try."

"Who'd you bring?" Caroline asked. "I didn't recognize him."

"One of my legislative aides. He just graduated from Villanova. His name's Joshua."

"A little bit of alma mater nepotism, I see."

"How many Marquette and Notre Dame students roll through your office?"

"No comment."

"He seemed really eager to go, so I invited him and left my chief of staff at home. Joshua is very, very religious."

She tried to imagine how a kid like that ended up on Jack's payroll. "Much like his oh so reverent boss. So Joshua wasn't watching porn during the flight?"

"He was probably memorizing fun facts about the Dead Sea Scrolls or something equally dull."

Caroline thought of Jack's eclectic reading tastes. "You're one to talk. He was likely grinding through a book you lent him."

"What was it you said a minute ago? Ah, yes. No comment."

"Was your chief of staff upset you didn't bring him along?"

"A little. He wanted to pop his Middle East cherry."

"What a delightful way to put it."

"I never said I couldn't be crude." Jack paused. "What do you know about the Senate Democratic Leader?" he asked. "Is he trustworthy?"

"Grimes? He's a carbon copy of Langlade. Ellen only invited him along because he was powerful enough that she'd suffer if she didn't."

"I'll keep my mouth shut around him, then."

"Ellie figured it out," Caroline said. "And obviously Jen and Eric know."

"Bob knows too."

"He does? I didn't tell him anything."

"He most definitely knows." Jack looked a bit uncomfortable. "Didn't you notice me switch seats halfway through the flight? I was summoned to the Speaker's side."

"For what?"

"I believe he wanted to take the opportunity to counsel me in The Way Things Are."

"And how's that?"

"Veiled threats. Angry looks. Pseudo-fatherly advice. You know."

Caroline rolled her eyes. "Jack, come on."

"I'm not kidding. You have quite a few friends who are very, very protective of you."

She leaned into his side as he wrapped his arm around her. "Contrast that with Ellen, who thinks you're just gorgeous."

"Good," Jack said. "I'm definitely spending more time with her."

"Did the Speaker of the House really threaten you?"

"No. But Bob made it clear that I am not to behave like a cad."

Caroline tugged at his tie. "Then don't tell him about our sex life."

Jack kissed her. "Wouldn't think of divulging those secrets."

"Are you upset I didn't sit next to you on the plane?"

"I understand why. This isn't our trip. It's Ellen's show. I'm glad she asked me to come but I could tell she wanted to spend some time with you. I wasn't going to interfere with that."

Caroline kissed him back. "You're so thoughtful."

"Not a cad, then?"

"Not in the slightest." She smiled at him again. "Are you one of those people trying to protect me?"

"Absolutely," Jack said. "Robert Allen has nothing to worry about."

"Nor do I." Caroline stood up and crossed the room to the desk, picking up her spare room key. She handed it to Jack. "Before I forget, I want to give you this."

"You sure about this?"

"Absolutely. How else can I get you to visit me in the dead of night?"

Jack pulled her onto his lap. "There are other ways."

"I don't expect you to come crawling in through the window."

"Seems more romantic, if you ask me."

"Or more dangerous. Do I get your extra room key?" Caroline asked.

"Only got one. I wasn't sure you'd accept it if I gave it to you. Looks like someone planned ahead."

She traced the shell of his ear. "It seems silly for us to be here together and not spend time...together."

"What about our discretion?"

"I trust your judgment. Just don't go wandering into my room in the middle of the day when there are a ton of people around. And don't play grab ass in public."

"I like grabbing your ass. It's just the right size."

"My ass appreciates your well wishes but you know what I mean."

"Message received. No goosing except when we're alone." Jack held up the key card before placing it on the side table. "So this is for late night trysts?"

She loosened his tie. "Anytime trysts. Our schedule is fluid."

"I'll probably have to spend some time in my own room, for appearance's sake." Jack started unbuttoning her blouse.

"That's fine," Caroline said absently, kissing his neck.

"I can keep a spare suit in here, if you'd like."

"I would definitely like. I enjoy spending the night with you."

He started to let down her hair. "Me too. How was last night?"

"Wonderful, as always."

"'Always' meaning the one or two nights we've been able to spend time together lately?"

Caroline pressed her forehead to his shoulder. "I'm sorry we haven't been able to be with each other all that much since the fundraiser."

"We live busy lives." Jack put both arms around her. "I understand. As long as your phone is fully charged and you accept my text messages and late night calls, I don't care."

"You do care. I can see it in your eyes."

"Then let's try to prioritize each other as much as we can."

"Deal." Caroline stifled a yawn. Leaning against him had been a bad idea. "Now, what was I doing? Oh yeah." She kissed his neck again, drawing a low moan from Jack.

"Sweetheart, not that I don't enjoy this, but I was hoping to take you to dinner. Aren't you hungry?"

"That can wait." Caroline tried to disguise another yawn and failed.

Jack chuckled. "Do you need to get some sleep first?"

"I'm fine." She began to unbutton his shirt. "Why are you so perky?"

"Unlike you, I napped on the plane. But you spent all your time chatting with our trip organizer."

"I did not." Her voice was flagging.

He tipped her chin up. "You're exhausted. I'd much rather you be fully engaged for this."

"I'd much rather you try and wake me up."

Jack gave her a fond look, pulling her off the couch and guiding her to the bedroom. "Come on, Caroline. A quick nap before dinner and then I promise you I'll have my way with you after we eat. Multiple times, most likely."

"Promise?"

Jack pulled the bedspread off the bed and fluffed the pillows, taking off his shirt and tie. "Come here."

Caroline took off her skirt and blouse and curled up against him. He was warm. "This is nice," she whispered.

"It certainly is," Jack said. "If you weren't so damn tired I'd be admiring that garter belt for the next hour or so."

"Just admiring it?"

"I'm very physically demonstrative when it comes to my admiration. And I'm impressed that you wore it on that long flight."

"It's force of habit now. A natural impulse when I know you're going to be around."

Jack caressed her leg. "Well, I appreciate it. Gives me an incentive to keep you in a constant state of partial undress."

Caroline laughed softly, her fatigue stripping away her ability to keep herself from revealing too much of herself to him. "You always make me feel good. I like when you hold me."

"I want to keep you as safe and satisfied as possible." He unsnapped her bra and pulled it off. "And as naked as you'll allow."

Her mind began to drift as she sank into his chest. "I want to spend as much time with you as I can, clothed or not. I'm glad you're here."

Jack started stroking her hair. "I wish it could be this way all the time."

"Me too."

"Maybe someday." He kissed her forehead.

Caroline closed her eyes as her jet lag finally overtook her. "Maybe."

* * * * *

"Caroline," Jack gasped. "Fuck. You feel so-"

He was on top of her, and she was tugging at his hair. "Harder," she said.

"No," he growled. "Slow, not fast. Too good this way."

"You're driving me crazy."

Jack groaned. "That's the point, sweetheart."

He rocked against her and she moaned. "Please," she begged.

"No." His voice was firm. "Wait. Enjoy this. We did it too fast before."

"Third time's the charm?"

"For tonight," he grunted.

He thought she was too impatient. That she wanted things over quickly. Mostly because the longer it lasted the more she lost control. The more she realized that he really could make her crazy. It frightened the shit out of her. He'd do it for as long as he could stand, bringing her closer and closer, until he'd finally give her what they both wanted.

After they napped a bit, they cleaned up and went to a small restaurant within walking distance of the hotel. It was quiet. Private. And maybe even a little romantic. After dinner, she desperately wanted to hold Jack's hand but there were too many people around. Maybe she was getting too hung up on the little things.

They went back to her room after dinner and barely got through the door before they started ripping each other's clothes off. Caroline was fairly certain at least one or two shirts or zippers had been destroyed in the process. They didn't even make it to the bedroom, ending up tangled together on the floor next to the couch before relocating to the bed after they calmed down.

Jack yanked at her hair, hard enough so that she cried out. He was starting to lose his carefully crafted sense of restraint, the control he tried so hard to maintain and always seemed to abandon after a certain point. Caroline clawed at his back, pulling him toward her.

"Now," she whispered.

"Now," he growled back at her, and started moving faster. She pressed her fingernails into his shoulders. His name was the only word she managed to choke out. He would make this part last too, up until the point where she was begging him to stop. She thrust herself against him, tightening her muscles as he moved within her. That was the one physical trick she had in her repertoire that seemed to drive him over the edge whether he liked it or not.

"You really aren't playing fair tonight." Jack buried his face in her hair as he came inside her, shuddering a few times before withdrawing. It took him a minute before he was able to speak again.

"You are...wow," he said.

Caroline rolled over on her side, admiring his physique as he got up from the bed, trying to ignore the red streaks on his shoulders. Streaks she'd just made with her nails. "I'm what?"

"Hold on a minute." Jack tossed the condom in the wastebasket before laying back down and pulling her into his arms. "Need a second to clear my head."

"I'm sorry," Caroline said. "I left marks on your back."

"Fine with me. That's a huge turn on."

"I don't want to hurt you."

"That's not possible." He smiled lazily at her. "You must have really been into it if you scratched me up."

She wiped the sweat from his brow. "It was good."

" _We're_ good," Jack corrected.

Caroline idly ran her fingers along his abdominal muscles. His six pack was damn close to being an eight pack. How sexy. He was tight, with a strong core. Which was handy for many, many things. "I'm not kidding," she said. "You're good at what you do."

"Really?"

"You must know that you are." She kissed his neck. "And you have such a perfect body. Makes me feel guilty sometimes. Especially when I'm marking it up."

"Why would you feel guilty? For objectifying me?" Jack grinned. "You can do that any time you want. You should probably know that I do it with you all the time."

"No," Caroline said. "But look at me. I've got all these stretch marks, a few pounds here and there I don't need, saggy boobs-"

"Stop," Jack said. "You're beautiful. Your body is incredible."

"I'm far from that. Need to spend more time at the gym." She flexed. "My arms aren't bad, though."

Jack laughed. "Those are really damn sexy. I like a woman with guns."

"I could probably beat you at arm wrestling. I beat Tom once."

He squeezed her bicep. "That's impressive."

"He was heavily intoxicated at the time. But it still counts."

Jack pulled her closer to him. "Have you always felt self-conscious about the way you look?"

"I think it's impossible for any woman not to feel a little insecure sometimes. We're programmed to judge ourselves from birth."

He kissed her forehead. "Sweetheart, you're a real woman. You've had two kids. You're not fake or manufactured or fixed or any of those other things that women do to themselves that they think make them appealing to men."

"Then why did you date women like that?"

"Because I'm an idiot."

Caroline smiled. "I wouldn't say that."

"You are gorgeous. Body and soul, inside and out." Jack let his hands drift across her breasts and down her torso. "And I adore your boobs. And your hips. And your curves. And everything else about you."

"We _are_ good together, aren't we?"

"I'd like to think so. I've certainly never felt this kind of connection with anyone before."

"It's a little overwhelming at times. I don't know what to do with it."

"Enjoy it," Jack said. "It's that easy."

"Not for me."

"You need to get over some of your unnecessary fears, Caroline. Just because you allow yourself to enjoy things doesn't mean you're taking them for granted."

She sighed. He'd given her this speech before and she suspected he'd do it again. "I know. Do you think we'll get sick of this? It's all so new. What if we get bored?"

"You make me feel good. It's not just about the sex. It's more than that. Why would I get bored?"

"I don't know."

"Were you planning on getting bored?"

With the way she felt when he touched her? "No."

Jack brushed her hair out of her face. "You don't have to worry about that ever happening. Did you enjoy yourself tonight?"

"Yes," Caroline said. "But I always have a good time with you. Can we do it again tomorrow?"

"Schedule permitting." Jack looked over at the clock on the nightstand. "We'd better get some sleep. I'll have to make the walk of shame back to my room before anyone else gets up."

She pulled him closer to her. My, wasn't she getting possessive. "I wish you didn't have to."

"I think it's what's best for now."

"Maybe I spoke too soon about us being discreet."

"No, you were right," Jack said. "We are here as representatives of the American government. We're not on vacation. We don't want anyone to make assumptions. And I certainly don't want you to be judged by any members of our traveling party for being involved with me."

"What about what they would think of you?"

"That doesn't bother me."

"I'm not sure I care anymore," she said. "They're going to find out eventually. I just wish you didn't have to go."

"I know," Jack whispered, bringing his arm around her. "We'll figure it out soon enough, okay? Don't waste your energy on it."

"I like falling asleep like this," Caroline murmured, stroking his chest hair.

He pulled a sheet over them. "Me too."

* * * * *

Jack was pressed up against her back, his arm wrapped possessively around her waist, just below her ribcage. Caroline stirred and he kissed the back of her neck.

"It's late," he whispered. "I need to go back to my room."

"Don't leave," she said softly.

"I have to," he said. "We have a big day ahead of us."

"Stay here with me. All night."

"I will, sweetheart. One night when we're here, I promise. But we have to be careful. Right?"

"Right."

"I had a wonderful time with you." He smoothed her hair back. "It's not easy for me to leave. You have no idea how badly I want to stay."

"Then stay."

"I have to go. Boundaries, sweetheart. Your reputation is worth more to me than a few hours of cuddle time. May I take you to breakfast in a few hours?"

Caroline shifted in the sheets. "Huh?"

Jack smoothly slipped out of the bed. "It's three in the morning." He slid his hand down her exposed leg. "Don't get up. I'll show myself out."

She rolled over, rubbing her eyes. He was sitting in the chair in the corner putting his clothes back on. "Are you sure you can't stay?"

He smiled at her. "Go back to sleep, Caroline."

"I don't like this. I think my rules were a bad idea."

"It won't always be this way. You'll get through it." He picked up his jacket and tie and crossed the room, sitting on the bed again. "Please get some rest."

"I won't be able to sleep if you're not here."

Jack kissed her forehead. "That's a lovely sentiment, but you'll be fine. Meet me in the lobby at eight?"

"I will," she whispered.

"I want to stay," he said. "But we're being discreet, like we agreed. Okay?"

Caroline closed her eyes, wondering why she'd even demanded that requirement for their relationship. Maybe things needed to change. And maybe they needed to have that discussion when they were both awake.

"Okay," she said.

Jack pulled the sheet over her torso, kissing her cheek. "Sleep well, sweet Caroline. I'll see you in a few hours."

She heard the click of the lock and knew that he was gone. She rolled over onto his pillow, inhaling his cologne, damning herself for being so flipping paranoid, wishing that he was still there.

* * * * *

Caroline slammed the shot glass down on the table and leaned her head on her hand. "How many was that?"

Bob laughed. "One too many for you, I think."

"I'm fine." She wasn't about to admit that she was far beyond her limit. "Let's keep going."

"No," he said. "I think you're done."

"What time is it?"

"Probably time for someone to take you upstairs."

"I'm fine," Caroline repeated. She and Bob were the only ones at their table. She'd imprudently chosen to engage in a drinking contest with the Speaker along with Senators Grimes and Wagner, before the two other men begged off and returned to their rooms. She lost track of how many drinks she consumed but was aware enough of her surroundings to see Jen grinning at her from across the bar.

"Jenny and Eric are still here," she mumbled.

"Not for long," Bob said. "They're holding hands and giving each other goofy looks. I assume that's about as romantic as they get."

"Where's Jack?" Caroline asked.

Every time Caroline tried to discuss Jack with him, he changed the subject. She hoped to get him to be straight with her once he wasn't sober but her plan hadn't worked.

"Over there with Ellen," he said gruffly.

She gazed at another booth further away. There was an empty bottle of wine on the table between Jack and Ellen, who tipped a glass full of yellowish liquid in her direction before nudging Jack and pointing at Caroline.

"Shit," she said. "They're drinking Moscato. I missed out."

"You didn't enjoy all the hard liquor?" Bob asked.

"I prefer wine."

"You'll be fine. I think." Bob threw back another shot and winced. "I may stop now, too."

Caroline leaned down even further on her elbow. "Yeah, perfectly fine." She felt a hand on her shoulder.

"Are you okay, Caroline?" Jack asked.

"I'm really good." She lifted her head up and tried not to giggle.

Jack glared at Bob. "How much did you give her to drink?"

"I didn't force it down her throat," Bob said sharply.

Jack tipped Caroline's chin up. "How much did you have, sweetheart?"

Caroline racked her brain, which didn't do much except make her head hurt. "I don't remember."

"I'm going to get you back to your bed before you pass out." Jack turned to Bob. "Nice leadership, Mr. Speaker."

Bob put the top back on one of the bottles. "Fuck you, McIntyre."

Jack started to take Caroline's hand. "Come on. Your night is over."

Bob stood up and pushed Jack away from the table. "I'll take her back to her room. Your services aren't necessary."

"Robert, lay off." Ellen's voice, although lazy and relaxed, was laced with warning. Caroline hadn't even realized she was there. She put both hands on the table, the conversation of the others starting to fade in her growing haze.

"I'll take her upstairs," Bob repeated.

"Normally I'd agree, seeing as you made her this way," Jack retorted. "But she's my responsibility tonight."

"I'm not anyone's property," Caroline said to them. They both looked at her in surprise. "Well, I'm not."

"They know that." Ellen put her hand on Caroline's back. "You can ream them out for their paternalism tomorrow. But you're definitely not going up to your room alone."

"I'm taking Caroline upstairs," Jack said to Bob.

"This isn't your problem, John." Bob pushed Jack back from the table, practically spitting out his name. They moved further away from Caroline and Ellen, and appeared to be exchanging words. Caroline couldn't tell.

Ellen put her half empty glass of wine on the table next to Caroline. "How much did you have to drink?" she asked.

"I lost count after ten. Ooh, can I have some Moscato?"

Ellen moved the glass out of her reach. "No more for you."

"You're being paternalistic too."

" _Maternalistic_ ," Ellen corrected. "Damn it, you really are drunk if you can't even keep your feminist lingo straight."

"Am not." Caroline slowly stood up. She swayed into the table, resting her hands on the wood as her elbows buckled.

Ellen steadied her. "Shit. Can you even walk?" she asked.

Caroline turned around, leaning back against her chair. "Sure." She glanced over Ellen's shoulder. Bob and Jack were having a heated conversation in the corner of the bar. "Go make Bob stop yelling at Jack."

Ellen didn't look very happy about the task Caroline had assigned her. "I'll do my best. I had the pleasure of splitting a couple of bottles of wine with Jack, in case you hadn't noticed. He's completely smitten with you."

"I don't think Bob likes him very much."

"Bob needs to stop acting like an ass. He gets ornery when he's been drinking."

"No shit." Caroline was tempted to sit down again but if she did that she probably wouldn't be able to get back up. "So you'll allow Jack to take me back to my room?"

Ellen laughed. "I don't see why not. Do you need me to hold you up, or can you hang tight while I go get your suitor?"

Caroline flattened her palms onto the table and reoriented herself. "I'm okay."

It seemed like an eternity before she felt Jack's hand on her shoulder. "Time to get you to bed," he said.

Caroline put her arm around him and patted his cheek. "You're a good boy," she slurred, planting a wet kiss on his lips before lowering her hand to squeeze his ass.

Jack chuckled. "Oh, Caroline. Graduating to full on PDA, are we?"

"You're cute. You can return the favor if you'd like."

He wiped his lips. "You taste like a whiskey still. And you're completely wasted."

"Am not." Caroline swayed into him.

He grabbed her purse and slung it over his shoulder. She was going to have to remember to make fun of him for that in the morning.

"Come on," he said gently. "Let's get you upstairs before you pass out."

"I missed you tonight. Did you tell Ellen all our secrets?"

"No." Jack guided her toward the elevator. "She told me a few of yours."

"Liar."

"Only the flattering stuff. She's a fine woman."

Caroline leaned into his neck. "Your cologne smells nice."

"I'd compliment your perfume but it's been destroyed by the booze."

"I'm tired. I think I drank too much."

Jack chuckled again. "What was that about not being completely wasted?"

"I don't...what were we talking about?"

He kept an arm wrapped securely around her hips and pressed the button for the elevator. "Stop worrying about it. Give it a few minutes and we'll be upstairs."

"Okay." She stumbled into the car, her head starting to spin. "But I'll let you do most of the walking. I don't remember where I'm supposed to go."

"Just hold on to me," Jack said.

"Always," Caroline whispered, and the elevator started to move. She hoped she could stay upright until they made it to her room.

* * * * *

Jack helped Caroline shuffle into her suite and toward the bedroom. She wasn't sure how they'd gotten there or how long it had taken but at least her head wasn't spinning anymore.

He shook his head as she caught herself on the doorframe and almost fell back into his arms. "Oh, sweetheart. Don't ever try to drink Robert Allen under the table. I assumed you would have figured that out years ago."

"I could have handled more," Caroline said.

Jack turned her around and rubbed her shoulders as she leaned back into him. "We're lucky we don't have to take you to the hospital."

"They have really good socialized medicine here."

He laughed. "Caroline, save your speeches on the advantages of single payer for another time."

"Fine. And then I'll win the argument." He started to unzip her dress and she smiled. "About time you got around to that, big guy."

"This doesn't appear to be comfortable sleepwear," he said. "Although it did look fantastic on you."

"You could have spent more time with me tonight and gotten more closely acquainted with it."

"I know. But you needed to catch up with the rest of the delegation. And I wanted to get to know Ellen better."

"I don't like being away from you. Maybe we need to stop sneaking around."

"Sweetheart, be careful. You don't want to confess all your drunken feelings."

She tipped her head back and rubbed her cheek against his. "I'm not afraid to tell you anything."

"I realize that," Jack slid the dress off her shoulders. "But I'd much rather you tell me all those important things when you're sober. And awake," he added.

The dress fell to the floor and Caroline spun around inelegantly, grabbing his shirt. "I am going to fuck your brains out."

"You'll be lucky to make it to the bed before you collapse."

"I want to give you everything," she whispered. "Everything you want."

Jack kissed her cheek. "You already have. But you're drunk. Lay down."

"Oh, good," Caroline said. "You can fuck _my_ brains out instead."

"Nope," he said. "I'll keep you company but there will be no sex tonight."

She made a face. "But I'm your _girlfriend_."

"Yes, you are. But there are some things I don't do. Sleeping with a woman who's barely able to stand up is one of them."

"I give you all my consent. Double consent, even."

He shook his head, amused. "Now you're just making legal concepts up."

"I want to be with you," Caroline said. "I want to show you how I feel about you."

"I appreciate that," Jack said. "But despite my reputation, I am a gentleman. And a man who wants his conquests to remember what he did to them the next morning. We aren't going to sleep together even if you say you want it to happen. Plus I'm not entirely sure you'll be awake for very long once you lay down, and I am definitely not into having sex with someone who's unconscious."

"You're a jerk," she mumbled.

"Probably." He steered her into bed. "But I'm still going to stay here and keep an eye on you."

"You just wait." She started to sink into the sheets as he pulled off her heels. "You get in this bed and you won't be able to stop me from ripping your clothes off."

Jack laughed. "I'd like to see that."

"I'll do it," Caroline garbled, suddenly realizing how drunk she was. She leaned into her pillow and let the alcohol take her into slumber.

* * * * *

When Caroline woke up her head was pounding. She heard the shower running and it took her a minute to remember who else could be in her room. She tried to sit up but her stomach lurched and she quickly laid back down again. A few moments later Jack came out of the bathroom, a towel around his waist.

"Well, well," he said. "How's our drunken princess feeling today?"

Keeping her face buried in the pillow seemed like a phenomenal idea. "Like hell."

He starting rubbing her back. "Can I get you anything?"

"Some Advil would be nice. Is it really bright in here?"

Jack retrieved a bottle of water from the mini fridge and put it on the nightstand. "Nope, it's just you. The lights are off."

"What time is it?" she asked.

"You've got a couple of hours before you need to do anything important, if that's what you were wondering."

"What happened last night?"

"You want the highlights or the lowlights?"

"Aren't they pretty much the same?"

"Pretty much. You tried to go drink for drink with the Speaker. Do you remember?"

Caroline winced. "Yes."

"You tried rather halfheartedly to seduce me."

"I vaguely remember that. Did it work?"

"Nope."

"What did I do?"

"You said you were going to fuck my brains out and then promptly lost consciousness. I was worried for a minute until I realized it was because you were so tired."

Caroline lifted herself up until she was resting against the headboard. She grabbed the bottle of water, unscrewing the top and placing it back on the nightstand as her stomach twisted again. She wasn't quite ready for liquids yet. "I'm sorry."

"Don't be. It was cute." Jack tugged at a random string on his towel. "You called yourself my girlfriend while you were trying to work your magic on me."

Caroline couldn't look at him. "Aren't I?"

"I certainly hope so. Am I your boyfriend?"

"Sure."

"Did you think we were something else?"

"I don't know."

"Caroline, we're in a relationship. We're exclusive. Even if we're not advertising it."

"We seem too old to be using that terminology."

"What other words would you like to use?"

"None of the other words seem to fit."

"Then just go with the words you used." Jack kissed her forehead. "You _are_ my girlfriend. And a wonderful one at that."

"Even though I practically passed out in your lap?"

"That was cute too, in an 'I'm glad you don't have alcohol poisoning' kind of way."

Caroline rubbed her eyes. "Please tell me I didn't do anything stupid in public. Aside from grabbing your ass in the bar."

"You did try to feel me up while you were clinging to me in the elevator."

She flopped face first onto the bed. "Hopefully we were in there alone?"

"There's a charming little elderly couple from Austria you may want to avoid if you see them in the lobby."

She buried her nose in her pillow again. "Fuck."

"You lose your inhibitions when you've been drinking, don't you?"

"Sometimes. In this case, obviously yes."

Jack started rubbing her back again. "It's fine, sweetheart."

"I guess I should be grateful I didn't cause some sort of international incident," Caroline mumbled. "Is Bob mad at me?"

"He was concerned for your welfare." Jack hesitated. "I think he was afraid I'd take advantage of you when I brought you back upstairs. He almost stopped me."

She remembered them arguing in the bar. "All this protectiveness is getting to be a tad smothering. I'll talk to him."

"No," Jack said. "Ellen set him straight. Just pretend it didn't happen."

"I can't do that. I'm getting sick of all this bullshit." She gave him a closer look. "We really didn't do _anything_ last night?"

"We did not." He winked at her. "Your rather adventurous virtue remained intact. For at least a few hours."

If she had the energy, she would have smacked him. "So we've been sneaking around the last few days and the one night you stay here the entire time, I get nothing?"

"I cuddled you all night. Mostly to make sure you were still breathing."

"But no sex."

"No."

"That's disappointing."

"Not for me. I may be a selfish asshole but I'm not going to sleep with a woman who won't remember it the next day. You were barely coherent." He stared down at the towel again. "And I like holding you."

"You could have had sex with me. I wouldn't have minded."

"That doesn't make it right. We can make up for it tonight if you manage to recover by then."

Caroline pulled herself out of bed, groaning with every step toward the bathroom. "Unless you have a good remedy for a killer hangover, I wouldn't hold your breath."

* * * * *

Bob handed Caroline a cup of coffee as he sat down next to her on one of the benches in the lobby. "How are you feeling today?"

Caroline blinked. The lobby was very bright. Luckily she hadn't run into any adorable Austrian grandparents. Yet. The Speaker of the House looked as refreshed as if he'd just gotten back from a three week vacation. The man could hold his liquor and had demonstrated as much on many different occasions. She tried not to curse at him.

"Do you have to talk so loud?" she asked.

Bob put his arm around her. "That bad?"

"Not good. What did we drink last night?

"Mostly Laphroaig," he said. "I think it was the last shot of Macallan that pushed you over the edge, though. Probably shouldn't have let you mix different kinds of whiskey like that."

"You look like you did okay with it."

He patted his waist. "I've got an iron stomach. We Scotsmen have strange gifts when it comes to our native spirits."

Caroline grimaced. "How many shots did I do?"

"You went shot for shot with me until about fifteen, I think." Bob squeezed her shoulder. "Everyone else bowed out long before that. Be proud of that accomplishment."

Clearly all the drinking she'd done in the past year had improved her tolerance. She wasn't sure that was something to be pleased about. "How far did Grimes get?"

He chuckled. "That asshole? Maybe five. He's a pussy."

She tried not to laugh. "You know how I feel about men using words like that but in his case it's completely appropriate."

"Grizzly Wagner made it to eight, I think."

"Anyone else? I feel like there were some staffers there too."

"They did one of each and went out clubbing or something. Kids these days. They don't appreciate the good stuff."

She closed her eyes. "I vaguely remember all of this."

"You were in rare form last night. Even at your most intoxicated you were still spouting off baseball stats and shooting the shit about Chicago."

"Not sure if I'm all that proud of my behavior. Unless I get a trophy or something."

"You don't get a trophy," Bob said smugly. "Because I won."

"Participation ribbon?"

He patted her back affectionately. "You're a lot of fun, Caroline. I'm glad you came along. Even if you're not quite at your best this morning."

She frowned at the cup in front of her, which had cooled off a little. "I don't drink coffee."

"I know you don't. Trust me, you'll want this. I had the baristas put a couple of secret ingredients in there for you."

"There's no heavy duty tea over there?"

"That won't help. Just drink it. It'll absorb most of the alcohol."

"I don't think that's how coffee works."

"You're going to get all scientific on me? This isn't a debate. Drink it," he ordered.

Caroline sniffed the contents of the cup. It did smell good. "Is this how you cure your own hangovers?"

Bob sat up a little straighter. "You don't see me hiding from the sun and cringing at loud voices, do you?"

"Point taken." She took a small sip. It tasted better than she thought it would, with just the right amount of sugar. "Thanks."

"No problem."

She set the cup down beside her. "I hear you were defending my female integrity last night."

Bob clenched his fists. "I was just looking out for you. The rest of the group had been drinking wine most of the night. McIntyre didn't come prowling over to our table until you were half conscious."

"Because he was worried about me."

"That defies reasonable belief."

"He wasn't prowling, Bob. He was concerned."

"Bullshit. He saw an easy target and he went after it."

"He's my boyfriend." Caroline almost stumbled over the phrase. The statement sounded a little odd. They really had to think of a better way to refer to each other.

Bob did not share her good humor. "For now."

"Nothing happened," Caroline said.

He waved his hand at her. "I don't want to know the details."

"I mean it. I tried to coax him into it and he said no. He turned me down because of the condition I was in."

"I see."

"I trust Jack," Caroline said. "Completely."

"I don't."

"Why not?"

"He doesn't appear to be well suited to you."

"My opinion is the only one that counts."

"You need to tread lightly with him, sunshine. He's not-"

"He's not what?"

"Just be careful," he said. "Don't rush into anything."

"What did you say to him on the plane?" Caroline asked.

Bob gave her a hard look. "That was a private conversation."

"You had to know that he would tell me he talked to you. Fess up."

"I told him that if he hurt you, I would kill him."

Caroline gritted her teeth. His protectiveness was flattering, but over the top. "Please tell me that wasn't what you actually said."

"I didn't threaten actual homicide. Maybe more of a career-oriented demise."

She couldn't keep the irritation out of her voice. "Robert-"

"Don't start in with that." He cut her off before she could speak again. "You call me Mr. Speaker and this conversation is going to go downhill very quickly."

"You're the one throwing your political weight around, not me," she snapped. "Perhaps some emotional distance would be appropriate right now."

"Caroline, he is not someone you want to be heavily involved with. Not at this point in your life."

She stared at him. "Have you been plotting with Christine?"

Bob folded his arms. He was close to losing his temper. While he did a good job of keeping the majority party in check, he and Christine had a tenuous if not outright adversarial relationship. Caroline was still trying to figure out why he'd agreed to endorse her in her Senate race. Bringing Christine into the conversation was a sure way to set him off, and Caroline had done it on purpose.

"No." he said. "Representative Sullivan and I do not have anything other than a professional association, and even that's a stretch. But you and I..."

"Yeah, I know," she said. "We're different."

His expression softened. "We are. You have a generous heart and I don't want to see you get hurt."

Caroline was getting damn tired of Christine's machinations and Bob's bellicose approach. "Why are the two of you trying so hard to discourage this?"

"Because we love you," Bob said. "And because we know what you've been through."

"I'm not a child."

"I am well aware of that. But you trust too easily. Too quickly."

"You make me sound like an idiot."

Bob put his arm around her. "That is not what I think of you. You know why I want to keep you safe."

Caroline took a huge gulp of coffee. Sometimes she hated feeling like she was an idealistic, naïve pet, even though she knew Bob and Christine meant well.

"I appreciate your concern," she said. "But I don't think Jack is going to hurt me."

"I hope not. John McIntyre is not the kind of man to get too attached to."

"I am aware of his history. And I respect your opinion, Bob. But you have to let me make my own choices. I wouldn't be with him if I didn't think there could be more."

"I know that. He may not. I can't help it if I'm a little protective of you." Bob cleared his throat, and when he spoke his voice was unsteady. "You're like a daughter to me, Caroline."

She swallowed hard. He'd never said it to her face before, though she'd long suspected it. She was one of the very few who could appreciate the significance of those words, and it was enough to render her speechless.

Bob squeezed her shoulder harder, after taking a deep breath. "I recognize and respect that I don't have much say in how you live your life." He gave her a smile. "If that were the case we'd be having some serious conversations about your disappointing party affiliation."

Caroline kissed him on the cheek. "I'll be fine. No matter what happens."

"And I'm here for you regardless of the outcome," Bob said. "You read me?"

"Yeah, I read you." She finished her cup of coffee and tossed it in a nearby garbage can. "Let's go to that bakery down the street and get some challah. Maybe it will absorb all the booze I've got in my system."

* * * * *

Caroline looked out the window of the plane. Not that there was much to see. It was dark out and they were in the middle of the Atlantic.

"Are you still tired?" Jack asked.

"A little."

"I'm glad you decided to sit next to me on the way home."

"Me too. I had a lot of firsts this trip."

"And what were those?"

"First time getting drunk in a foreign country."

"Might not need to try to repeat that," Jack said.

"First trip to a kibbutz."

"Not many of those in the States."

Caroline smiled shyly at him. "First time alone with you in a hotel room."

Jack tucked her hair behind her ear. "That was a highlight for me too." He paused. "You meant all the sex, right?"

Caroline cuffed him on the arm, even though that was exactly what she'd meant. "Pervert."

"It's not like this trip was the first time we slept together."

"There's something illicit about doing it in a hotel."

"And in a hotel shower," Jack pointed out. "And on a hotel floor."

And several other places, if memory served. "I liked all of that."

"You insatiable woman." Jack weaved his fingers through hers. "May I hold your hand?"

"Since you've already made your move, sure."

"Nothing gets by you." He laughed. "Awfully quiet in here."

"I think everyone else is sleeping."

"Maybe we should too."

"I'd like to talk," Caroline said. "I wish we could have spent more time together this week."

"Me too. Any pressing issues when you get back to D.C.?" Jack asked.

"Not really," Caroline said. "Jenny and I agreed it was best to take the weekend to recover from our jet lag. I always seem to do worse coming back than going." She pulled her armrest up and scooted closer to him, resting her head on his shoulder. "Is this okay?"

Jack put his arm around her. "Fine with me. Do you want to come to Philadelphia for the weekend?"

"You don't have any commitments?"

"I told my chief of staff to keep this weekend free. For the same reason as you."

"You wanted to ask me earlier, didn't you?"

"Maybe. I didn't want you to feel like you had to change your plans for me."

Caroline didn't want to admit that she probably would have. "I'd need to stop at home first, but it's doable."

"Good. I'll drive us up so you can't escape early."

"Wouldn't dream of it."

Jack kissed her cheek. "I want you all to myself," he whispered. "I may even lock up your phone once we get there so you aren't tempted to do any work."

Caroline eyed him warily. "You don't have anything big planned, do you? I'd prefer to relax."

"I just want to spend time with you," he said quietly. "We can do whatever you want."

She brought her arm around his waist and leaned in closer. "I like that idea."

"Sweetheart, aren't you concerned about what the other members of the delegation will think with you curled up against me?"

"They can think what they want," she murmured. "It's not like they haven't figured it out already. And if they want to make a big deal about it, screw 'em."

"I like your new attitude. Get some sleep. We can talk in the car. All right?"

She closed her eyes. "Sounds like a plan."

# Chapter Eighteen

Caroline

July

They held hands as they walked through the grounds. Indoor and outdoor pools, a tennis court, a regulation size indoor basketball court with a wooden floor...Jack's home was over the top. Caroline had gotten a kick out of the giant old school Villanova logo in the center of the basketball court. Jack's loyalty to his undergraduate alma mater was stronger than he liked to let on.

She hadn't thought about it the first time she was there. Since they spent most of the time in his bedroom she didn't think to ask to see the rest of the house. She missed the intimacy and closeness of having a physical relationship and looked forward to spending another weekend in bed with Jack. She hadn't spent nearly enough time with him in Jerusalem, and now she had him to herself for three whole days.

Jack was hesitant to give her a full tour that first weekend in June and she thought she had understood why, but this weekend he seemed almost proud to show her around. Or he had for a while. She couldn't really hide the fact that his vast estate was a bit too much for her at times.

They walked along a short paved path leading from the outdoor pool to the tennis court. Or rather, Jack was on the path and she was on the grass. She'd taken off her shoes and thigh highs. Caroline enjoyed feeling the soft green blades tickle her bare feet.

It was early July but the evening air was still unseasonably cool. There was some residual light reflecting on the pool from the back of the house but it didn't reach much beyond where they were walking. Caroline grinned as they approached a cast iron bench. Because Jack had a normal backyard. With a park sized bench. On the way to a fully lit tennis court.

"Want to sit down for a minute?" he asked.

"Sure."

They sat silently for a moment as Jack held Caroline's hand in his lap, caressing it. She was wearing his suit jacket. The sleeves were far too long for her and they slid down past her hands. He didn't seem to care.

He turned to her. "So, what do you think?"

"About what?"

"About this." He extended his right arm, indicating the grounds.

"The tour is over?"

"Were you expecting more?"

"I think this is enough, don't you?"

Jack clasped her hand in both of his. "I get the feeling all of this makes you uncomfortable."

She looked down. He was getting a little too good at reading her. "Kind of."

"That's why I didn't give you the full tour the first time you were here."

"We were also otherwise occupied," Caroline said.

He kissed the top of her hand. "Indeed we were. But you seem a little overwhelmed."

There was no point in lying. "I am."

"Does my wealth still bother you?"

She rubbed her forehead with her free hand. "Jack, I don't want to say anything that you might take the wrong way."

"You want me to renounce my worldly possessions and give them all to the proletariat?"

"No," she said.

"You want me to join the Catholic Worker movement?"

"That would be hard," Caroline said. "A life of poverty, even if voluntary, is very difficult."

"I promise I won't be offended by anything you say, Caroline." He kissed her hand again. "I want to know what you think."

"It's a lot," she said. "Especially for one person. Don't get me wrong. I lived a decent life growing up and I live a very comfortable life now, but this seems excessive."

"Probably."

"I know you have a lot of money. More than I can comprehend outside of a budget debate. And you have every right to spend it in any manner you desire. You earned it, after all. But all of this doesn't match up with the man I thought I was getting to know. It doesn't seem to fit with your personality."

"It doesn't?" Jack asked. "You haven't discovered how attached I am to my toys?"

They'd gone to dinner that night in an Aston Martin Vanquish, and he'd caught her eyeing his Porsche 911 Turbo. Jack seemed to derive great pleasure from the expensive cars in his garage and she couldn't blame him. She appreciated a luxury vehicle as much as anyone.

"I'm very much attached to my toys, too," she said. "We all have our quirks. You've seen my shoe collection. My many pieces of baseball memorabilia. But all of this appears to be inconsistent with who you really are. Does this make you happy?" she asked. "The house, the cars, the pools, the basketball and tennis courts. How big is this place anyway?"

"About twelve thousand square feet for the residence, six acres of land. Give or take. I can't remember how many rooms are in the house."

The man owned a multimillion dollar home and didn't even know the specifics. "That's enormous," Caroline said. "And in case I didn't mention it before, you have a ballroom, Jack. A _ballroom_."

"I have a library, too," he reminded her. "Don't forget that."

"Oh, I haven't," she assured him. "I adore that room. I wish you'd offered it up as a guest room the first time I came here. I'm thinking of having an affair with that magnificent piece of architecture behind your back."

"Would it mean anything?" Jack asked.

"No," she said. "It would be purely intellectual. Deeply, passionately, outrageously intellectual."

He laughed. "Okay, then." Caroline fell silent and Jack looked down at his hands. "This is too much for you, isn't it?"

"You're trying to prove yourself to people," she said. "Trying to impress them when you really don't need to. I don't want to accuse you of being Jay Gatsby or something, but-"

"It is a lot. It's probably too much. But deep down inside, I am a very superficial man."

"That statement is a paradox," Caroline said. "It makes no sense."

"You don't think I'm shallow?"

"Maybe a little. Everyone is, in some regard. Anyone who can't admit that is either a hypocrite or a complete saint."

"My salad girls were usually quite taken with this place."

Jack's little black book could fill a large section of the Kennedy Center and hers would be easily contained in a small conference room at a Holiday Inn. Caroline didn't like to think about all those other women.

"That says more about them than it does about you," she said.

"It says something about the type of woman I used to date." Jack kept stroking her hand, and looked her in the eyes. "You're nothing like them, Caroline. You've changed my life in a very short amount of time." He cupped her face in his hands. "Don't. Blush. I mean it," he said.

She felt the heat rushing into her face. "It's involuntary, Jack."

"You're such a strong, confident woman. Surely you must know how special you are. How rare. How wonderful. You're funny, smart as all hell, gorgeous, loving, giving. You have a tremendous spirit."

If it was even possible, Caroline turned an even brighter shade of red. "Jack," she chided.

"Do you know why I have all of this?" he asked her. "I'm not even sure. I was always searching for meaning, trying to fill that void, trying to justify my hedonism and selfishness. And I was surrounded by people who never called me out on it because they got to enjoy all the fruits of my labor. When I was playing basketball I knew they only loved me because I'd had a good game. After Wharton I knew they were only with me because I spent money on them, bought them expensive gifts, whatever. But I don't think any of this makes me happy. Not really."

"Do you mean people in general or the women you've dated?"

"Both, I guess. Mostly women."

"You don't think anyone in your life has appreciated you for who you are?"

"Aside from my family and my closest friends? Not really. Most of them never stuck around long enough. And much of that is my fault."

"That makes me very sad. Why did you keep letting them in when they were using you?"

"I suppose it was easier than making an effort. And I was using them too, in a different way."

The look on his face made Caroline want to cry. "Oh, Jack. I wish you didn't feel that way. Twenty years is an awfully long time to keep up that lifestyle."

"I know. But once you start living it, it's hard to escape. It's very easy to be shallow when you're surrounded by insipid people and completely detached from reality."

Caroline didn't say anything. She just squeezed his hand.

Jack tucked a loose strand of hair behind her ear. He seemed to always be doing that. "You make me happy, Caroline. I never knew that my life was so empty before I met you. I get to look forward to seeing you every day. Touching you, kissing you, making you smile, hearing you laugh. And nothing would please me more than to share all of this with you."

He lifted her chin up so that she was looking at him again. Her eyes were wet. "I know you might not be there yet, sweetheart," he said. "I know you're still healing. I can see the sadness in your eyes, when you think no one is looking. And I wish I could take all your pain away. But you're still bursting with life, with energy and passion, even though you think you've been permanently damaged. You have so much to give and you deserve so much in return. I just hope that eventually there might be some room left in your heart for me." He wiped away the tear that had slipped down her cheek. "I love you, Caroline."

Jack brought his hands back into his lap and stared off toward the house. "I've never said that to anyone before. At least, said it and really meant it."

She brushed a stray tear off her face and crossed her arms around herself, not speaking.

"You don't have to say it back. I just wanted you to know." He stood up and extended his hand to hers, still not making eye contact. "It's getting a little cool. We should go back inside."

Caroline took his hand. "You are a very, very good man. I hope you know that."

Jack squeezed her fingers. "Now you're going to make me blush."

"Fine with me. We can bask in our shared inability to accept how others may see us."

The walk back to the house seemed longer than it should have been. Jack was silent, unnervingly so. The two of them had often gone without speaking and it felt easy, comfortable, uncomplicated. But now Caroline could sense the apprehension rolling off of him. She turned him to face her right before they reached the back door.

"You have such a kind soul. You have so much to offer people, so much more than your money or your influence. Why do you have such a hard time showing it?"

"It takes less energy to be that way," Jack said. "If you don't get attached, no one can betray you."

"Why aren't you that way with me? What do I have that no one else does?"

"You see my humanity. And you accept me anyway. I feel like when you look at me you can see straight into my heart, bypassing all the messy details. You like me. I trust you. None of what I have matters to you nearly as much as who I truly am. I learned that on the night we met."

"Anyone who can't appreciate you for who you are doesn't deserve to be in your life."

"Do you think you can move beyond all this largesse, this façade?" Jack asked. "I know it's too much for you and I don't know how to remedy that."

"I don't expect any of that from you. You don't have to impress me with your many things." She fingered the diamond necklace he had given her. "Although gifts _are_ sometimes nice."

"I'll try to restrain myself, then."

"I didn't say that. But don't feel like you need to prove how you feel about me by buying me things all the time. Your presence is enough. And by the way, when you were describing yourself, you left out 'smashing good looks.'" Caroline smiled at him.

"Did I really?"

She wrapped her arms around his neck. "I don't want to wreck your idealized vision of me, but you are an unbelievably handsome, sexy man. Is that a shallow thing to say?"

Jack laughed. "Hell no."

She kissed him. "And you're great in bed, too."

"Is that a hint?"

"Maybe." She kissed him again, pressing closer to him.

"If I didn't know better, I'd say you were after something." Jack kissed a trail across her jawline. "What would that be?"

"You," Caroline whispered. "Not your money, your cars, or even your library." She nuzzled his neck until she reached his ear. "Only you. Your hands, your mouth, your body, your mind, your soul. I want to show you what an incredible man you are. I want to savor every inch of you. I want to feel you move inside me until I can't think about anything other than what you're doing to me. Please, Jack." She'd never spoken this way to anyone before. Caroline stroked the zipper of his pants and heard him groan. "This," she said. "You. Now."

Jack grabbed Caroline's hand and dragged her toward the back door. "Don't have to tell me twice."

He continued pulling her into the kitchen, jogging quickly through the house as they headed upstairs. Caroline was soon out of breath.

"You're lucky I took my shoes off before we took that walk," she panted. "This moment would have been thoroughly ruined if I'd twisted my ankle."

Jack led her into the bedroom and yanked his suit jacket off her shoulders. "You talk too much sometimes." He crushed his lips to hers.

"You like it," she gasped, once he moved his mouth to her neck.

"I do." He bit her earlobe. "Especially when you call out my name while I'm getting you off."

Caroline moaned and wrapped her arms around his shoulders, wanting nothing in between them. Jack was kissing her lips, her jawline, her neck, then working his way back up again. He pulled back for a moment, tracing her lips with his fingers.

"Sometimes I just want to look at you," he said. "Do you have any idea how grateful I am that you're here with me right now?"

Caroline didn't think anyone had ever looked at her that way before, not even Nicky. She felt a surge of guilt and tried to clear her mind. She really had to stop making those comparisons.

Jack's eyes were trained on her, gazing at her with nothing but pure, unadulterated love. He was practically worshiping her from afar, except he was right in front of her. And she didn't know what she'd done to deserve it.

She stroked his cheek. "Oh, Jack. I didn't think I'd feel this way about anyone ever again."

He leaned into her hand and kissed her palm. "I mean it, sweetheart. If you're not there yet, you don't have to say anything."

"Saying it makes it real." Caroline was suddenly feeling very panicky after being ready to rip his clothes off only a moment before. "I can't fall in love with you. I can't."

"You have nothing to be afraid of with me."

Her throat constricted and to her horror, she began crying. "I can't go through that again. I can't need you. I can't start thinking like I can't live without you then start taking it for granted. I can't feel that way about someone and then lose them. I couldn't take it. Especially with you."

He wrapped her in his arms. "Baby, don't cry."

She buried her face in his shoulder. "I don't want to be lonely anymore. I don't want to be miserable. I want to feel good again. But I don't know what I'd do if this fell apart."

"It won't, Caroline. I promise it won't. Trust me. Please." Jack lifted her chin up. "Look at me, sweetheart."

Caroline caressed his lips with her fingers and closed her eyes. She knew what she felt, had known it for weeks. But she couldn't admit it, maybe out of guilt, or fear, or denial. She couldn't lie to herself anymore, or to him. It didn't matter how terrifying the confession would be. She wanted to be happy. And he made her feel as if she was the most important thing in the world, the only person who mattered. It petrified her to tell him how she felt but she had to. He'd figure it out soon enough if he hadn't already.

"I love you, Jack," she whispered.

"Open your eyes."

Caroline blinked.

"Say it again." Jack's voice was ragged, pleading. "Please."

"I love you."

He wiped his eyes. "Again."

She laughed through her tears. "I love you."

He lifted her up and whirled her around in a circle as she giggled.

"Again," he said breathlessly.

She wrapped her arms around his neck. "I love you, I love you, I love you."

He beamed. "That's all I need to know."

* * * * *

Jack was tracing a lazy trail down Caroline's back. She was on her side, her back to him, recovering from their latest escapade.

"You called me Monty before." He kissed her shoulder. "Did you notice that?"

She hadn't meant to do it. It slipped out when he was peeling off her dress. "Is that okay?" she murmured.

He laughed. "It is. I like when you say that. When we're alone or in bed, that is. Might sound goofy under any other circumstance."

Caroline rolled over to face him. "I can live with that compromise."

"So can I."

"Can I ask you something?"

"You can ask me anything you want."

"How long have you wanted to tell me you love me?"

Jack let his fingers drift over her shoulders. "For a long, long time. Long enough that I knew that if I said it too soon it would scare you away."

"That's a legitimate concern," Caroline said. "I get a little shy sometimes."

"I noticed."

"So what changed your mind?"

"You did."

"How?"

He pulled her into his arms. "You talk in your sleep a lot."

"I didn't," she said. "Did I?"

"You did. That first night in Jerusalem after we went out to dinner."

"We did more than go out to dinner."

"Okay, after we had sex three times and collapsed in exhaustion."

"Points for accuracy. Is that why you didn't freak out when I got upset earlier?"

"Partly. That did concern me a little. I don't like seeing you cry."

"I'm sorry."

"Don't be sorry. I hope I was able to comfort you."

Caroline smiled at him. "You did."

"It was hard leaving you that night," Jack said. "After you said it I held on to you, trying not to go back to sleep, hoping you'd say it again. Only maybe you'd be awake the next time so I could say it back."

Caroline caressed his cheek. He really was quite a sweet man. "I wish you would have stayed."

"Me too. But we're home now. No more sneaking around."

"I agree. We can be mature adults but we don't need to hide our feelings anymore."

"You do a lousy job of hiding your feelings when we're alone. Can you contain them in public?"

She smiled wryly. "I'll try to control myself."

"Try not to fall asleep in front of other people," he teased. "You never know what the hell you're going to say."

"You just said you liked what I had to say in my sleep."

"I do. It gave me the confidence to know what you were trying to say tonight."

"It takes a lot of courage to say it first," Caroline said. "I never have."

"Technically you did say it first this time around."

She ruffled his hair. "And I'll say it again. I love you, John Montgomery McIntyre."

"I've waited my entire life for a woman like you to tell me that."

She blinked rapidly. "You're getting awfully good at this."

"I'm trying."

"Is there anything else that I've said that I should know about?"

He kissed her. "No. Those memories belong only to me."

"That hardly seems fair. I _am_ the one who said those things."

"Then it wouldn't surprise you if I told you, right? So I don't need to."

"You and your circular logic."

Jack kissed one of her exposed breasts then teased her nipple with his tongue. Caroline let out a small sigh.

"You like that, huh?"

"I like everything you do to me, Jack."

He grinned. "I noticed. You're very expressive."

He had vacillated on the last word. "Was that really how you meant to describe it?"

"Sometimes you're a bit of a screamer," Jack said. "You're lucky this is a gigantic house with thick walls and no neighbors for acres. Otherwise law enforcement might show up."

"Does that bother you?"

"I love it." He pulled himself on top of her.

Caroline could feel his arousal building again and squirmed. How did that happen so quickly? He was closer to fifty than forty. How did he have the stamina?

Jack noticed her reaction and bit her neck. "I love the way you respond to what I do to you. But sometimes I wish you'd stop trying to distract me while I'm getting you off," he murmured.

She started tickling him. "I like making you lose your focus."

Jack grabbed her arms and forced them over her head. "I don't," he said fiercely. "I would prefer it if you let me do whatever I want to you."

Caroline could see the heat in his eyes and heard his breath quicken. Jack bent down to kiss her again, hard.

"Want to play a little game?" he asked.

This man was going to make her crazy.

"Is it a sexy game?" she asked. "Because if it's Trivial Pursuit I'll have to pass. Plus, I'll beat you anyway." Jack lowered one of his hands to caress her clit, the other still wrapped tightly around her wrists. "Unless you keep doing that. Then I might get distracted and lose." He slid a finger inside of her. "And I hate losing," she gasped.

"I'm going to have to think of creative ways to keep you quiet," he said. "Although I really do enjoy doing this." Jack slipped another finger inside her as she moved against his hand. He removed his fingers and reached into the drawer of his nightstand, pulling out a long silky scarf and a blindfold.

"I think maybe you need to learn to keep your hands to yourself," he said.

Her stomach tightened in anticipation. "I'm all for education."

Jack started tying her wrists to the iron rods of the bed frame.

"Wait." Caroline's voice startled him and he stopped what he was doing instantly. "Is this the part where you tell me you're actually a billionaire with a kinky side? I'm not sure I'm ready to give up that amount of control."

Jack leaned back so he was looking at her. "Excuse me?"

Caroline tried to shrug but couldn't really move her arms. "I read a lot."

"I see. I guess I saw you as more of a classic literature sort of gal. Or the kind of woman who was thoroughly into the works of people who attended the Iowa Writers' Workshop."

Oh, he was ripping on romance novels. Or creative writing programs. One of the two. Maybe both. Nope, she couldn't allow that to happen. "What exactly are you implying? That romance novels don't have value?"

"No," he said hastily. "I just – there's no good way for me to get out of this, is there?"

"Not if you want to keep tying me to the bed. Don't judge my reading preferences. My Kindle is full of highly enjoyable, unequivocally filthy smut. And don't hate on the Hawkeyes either," Caroline said. "That's the best graduate program in the United States."

"I know," Jack replied. "That's why I said it."

She smiled. "Your knowledge of _U.S. News and World Report's Best Colleges_ is kind of a turn on."

He resumed tying her wrists. "Wanna hear about the highest ranked business schools in the country?"

"I love it when you talk academic standings to me, Jack."

"Wait until I rattle off a list of the nation's premiere regional colleges," he said. "You won't be able to resist me."

"Don't forget liberal arts schools."

"I'm sure a Democrat loves hearing about those." He kissed her forehead, tightening the scarf. "What about the best public universities?"

"Oh, baby. Don't stop. If you start talking about history departments I'm yours forever."

Jack finished binding her wrists. "You make me laugh, sweetheart. I like that you don't take any of this too seriously."

Caroline tested the restraints. They were very, very snug. Not too taut, but they didn't exactly have a lot of give.

"I might take it more seriously if you do something like pass out or hit your head and leave me here tied to the bed all night." She started to fidget as he teased her with his fingers. "Then I'll get pissed and take back every nice thing I've ever said about you."

He gazed down at her adoringly. "You have my heart, Caroline."

She was going to have to get used to that look. He made her feel as if he was either going to have his way with her or hold her close to him and keep her safe forever, both of which were fine with her. Jack's bedroom eyes made her body turn to goo.

"Do you really have an issue with men who prefer to be in control?" he asked, trailing his finger from her ear to her collarbone.

"I – maybe I should rethink that statement," she gasped.

"Good." He grinned at her. "Because I have plans for you tonight."

Caroline had a feeling that sleep wasn't on his list. She squirmed as his hands drifted lower and lower. "I guess any control issues you have are okay within the confines of the bedroom. But I don't want you telling me what kind of toothpaste to use or what I'm allowed to wear or anything like that. I need my autonomy."

He drew random circles on her thighs. "Your toothpaste preferences are none of my business."

"And if I want to shop at Old Navy, I'm damn well going to shop at Old Navy. So stop trying to talk me out of it."

Jack laughed. He'd given her a hard time about her shopping habits when he helped her pack her suitcase for the weekend, and the razzing continued during the entire drive up to Philadelphia. "You're awfully cheeky considering your current situation."

"Are you speaking of the fact that I'm tied to your bed?"

"Among other things. Aside from the light bondage, you're also completely naked."

"So are you. And I trust you not to hurt me."

He kissed her. "I know. That's huge."

"I don't just mean with regard to sex."

"I know that too."

"And you can practice your knot making skills on me any time you want."

Jack bit her neck. "You have no idea how happy I am to hear you say that."

Caroline was willing to test his cryptic warnings. "Show me how much you love me," she whispered.

"I will, sweetheart." He grinned at her devilishly. "But there's something you should know. I can hold out a lot longer than you. I could tease you for hours and not get bored."

He slid down to kiss her on the lips again but only gave her a light peck. Which was the complete opposite of what she actually wanted.

"You're driving me mad, McIntyre. Just take me now and do your worst."

"I love fulfilling requests." He picked up the blindfold. "Okay, my little tiger. Let's have some fun."

# Chapter Nineteen

**Caroline**

July

It was a little over two weeks before the summer recess. Caroline only made it back to Philadelphia late one Saturday, but she and Jack spent as much time as they could together during the week when they were in Washington. Dinner almost every night, lunch when they could, stolen glances in the hallways. She knew he wanted more. But they'd barely been dating for a month, even if they'd been friends since January. She was hesitant to move any quicker.

Both of them had the afternoon free; they spent several hours lounging on the couch in his capacious house in Georgetown talking about nothing, before deciding they were bored and getting up to dance.

Jack had a vast collection of jazz standards and assorted oldies. He assured Caroline that she was proving to be a very talented partner but she didn't quite believe him. She practiced by herself while Jack occasionally got up to check on the roast he was making, even though she knew she must have looked silly. She tried to time it so that he wouldn't see her, but Jack caught her performing a waltz solo right before dinner was ready. He laughed for about five minutes before twirling her around the living room again.

Caroline was now sitting on his lap at the table in the formal dining room, feeding him bites of lemon meringue pie.

"What do you think?" she asked.

"It's good. Did you really make it from scratch?"

"I did," Caroline said. "It took me a good chunk of yesterday but since you were making me dinner I thought I owed you something."

Jack's eyes flashed. "All I'm getting is pie tonight?"

"You might get lucky. I'm glad it made it over here in one piece. From the house to my office to your place, I thought the meringue might fall."

"Where'd you learn to bake like this?"

"Practice, I guess. I like using good ingredients and knowing what I'm eating, even if it's not all that good for me. You might have to try my cookies, too."

"I would love to try your cookies," Jack said.

"Must everything you say sound like an innuendo?"

"Yes."

"I could teach you how to bake." Caroline slid another fork of mostly meringue into Jack's mouth. "If you ask nicely. Maybe you could teach me how to cook."

"Maybe. If you ask nicely. Or let me try your cookies."

Caroline tweaked his nose. "Where did you learn to cook, Congressman?"

"I taught myself, mostly," Jack said. "Once I got a few years out of college I realized meals weren't going to make themselves. I hunkered down and did most of my experimenting while I was in business school. I wanted to eat healthy, especially after all that time living in hotel rooms in Europe and going to restaurants almost every night."

"Huh, Nicky felt the same way. About eating well, I mean." Caroline frowned. "Does it bother you that I talk about him?"

He took the fork out of her hand and put it on the table. "No. It's comforting."

"Really?"

Jack cupped her chin in his palm. "You were married to him for over ten years, Caroline. He was a huge part of your life. He's the father of your children. You can't forget about all of that. And I like how devoted you are to his memory. It makes me know that you're with me for the right reasons."

"What reasons would those be?"

He shifted his gaze away from her. "That maybe I can give you the same thing he did."

Caroline kissed his cheek. "That's such a nice thing for you to say, darling."

"'Darling'?"

She laughed. "I call my children that. I don't know why that slipped out."

"No, it's nice. Although I am partial to Monty."

"I like that one too."

Jack kissed her. "I don't want you to ever feel awkward mentioning Nick in front of me. I like hearing about him. About your relationship with him. I like trying to figure out what parts of your children come from you and the parts that come from him. Even though he and I are very different."

"You are," Caroline said. "But you have a lot of the same qualities. You're both funny, affectionate, and protective. And supportive. I appreciate that. I just don't want you to think that I'm dwelling on the past."

"Your past is part of who you are now. I wouldn't want it any other way, because you're such a wonderful person."

"First you rave about the pie and now this. Flattery will get you everywhere."

Jack laughed and grabbed the fork off the table. "I know. And you just reminded me that I'm still hungry. Feed me, woman."

Caroline rolled her eyes. "Caveman."

"How was parents' weekend up at camp?" he asked.

"It was magnificent," she said, scooping up some pie. "Sophie was much less homesick than I thought."

"Did you mention me?"

She brought the fork to his lips, then pulled it back. Just to tease him a little. "Such an arrogant man."

"I was just curious as to how they reacted to the news that you're dating someone."

"I might have mentioned we were spending more time together. Mo figured it out right away. Something about me not being so moody."

"You miss them, don't you?"

"Yeah," she said. "It was hard not to pack them up and come home. But they're having such a great time. And they deserve it. Last year they both stayed home since Mo was still having a hard time with Nicky being gone and Feef wasn't old enough yet. I'm glad it's working out so well."

"I love that you're so attached to them."

"Some might call me a helicopter parent. Much more so than I used to be."

"How did you behave before?"

Caroline put the fork down. This was hard to admit. "I made some very poor choices when I was first elected. I missed a few moderately important life events because of votes or town halls or other activities. It was a selfish way to act."

"That seems surprising coming from you. I wouldn't have expected it."

"Nicky and I fought a lot back then. He didn't like that I got into politics." Caroline gave Jack a pensive look. "Despite all my talk, my marriage was far from perfect."

"Although I've never been married, I would assume that no relationship fits into that category."

"Why didn't you ever tie the knot?" Caroline asked him. "You must have had opportunities."

"You know why. I wasn't in love."

"That doesn't stop a lot of people from going down that road. Especially high profile people."

"It was a risky venture. I didn't want to take it. It didn't feel right. I dated a lot of vacuous women. I wasn't going to make that kind of commitment to any of them. I didn't think I'd ever want that kind of perpetual mutual obligation, especially if there was a chance they'd use me because of my wealth."

"But you must have felt differently before you made your money. In college or in business school."

Jack looked chagrined. "I thought about getting laid in college. And I stayed the same in graduate school and as I advanced in the business world. I never thought about settling down. Never realized how artificial I was before I met you. How much more I could actually think of having." He smiled. "You've helped me grow up."

"I would hope you'd have finished by now," Caroline jested.

"Have you?"

"Nope. I'm a work in progress."

"So am I. I'm just a little further behind than you. As for marriage, I'm evolving on the subject."

Caroline had to change the topic fast. She scraped up one of the remaining bites of pie and lifted it to his lips. "How was your meeting with the Pennsylvania delegation earlier today?"

Jack swallowed the pie down. "It was all right. Why?"

"I might have read something in _The Hill_ about a little kerfuffle."

"Kerfuffle?"

"Between you and Representative Murdock."

"What did it say?"

"Something about the two of you having to be separated during a heated argument. Should I ask Chrissy about it?"

"No," he said. "It happened before she got there."

Caroline kissed a bit of meringue off the side of his mouth. "What is it?"

"Sweetheart, you don't need to worry about it."

Caroline sighed. "Was it about me?"

He ran his knuckles down her cheek. "That's very narcissistic of you."

"Shit, it _was_ about me."

He kissed her lightly. "You don't need to concern yourself with it. It was handled."

"Jack, come on. I really don't want to argue about that asshole."

"All right," he conceded. "He made a highly inappropriate remark about you, I took offense, and he was lucky I didn't break his jaw. He saw that picture of us in _Washington_ _Life_ at that charity event."

They were trying to keep their relationship on the down low when it came to media coverage but Caroline had lightened up a little when it came to everything else. They weren't hiding it from anyone they knew but they weren't exactly advertising it. They settled for quiet dinners near the Hill or spent most nights at Jack's brownstone before Caroline would head home to Rockville. But they weren't going to hide their relationship completely.

Jack had convinced Caroline to attend a fundraising ball for special needs children at Union Station the previous week, and the social pages had been all over the two of them. They didn't print anything unseemly but one photographer caught a shot of Jack kissing Caroline on the cheek, and it was obvious from their body language that it was more than just a friendly peck.

"Oh," Caroline said. "So he's jealous?"

"I guess so. Or something else. You're right. He is a slug."

"That bad, eh?"

Jack's color deepened. "Yes."

"You're not going to tell me what he said, are you?"

"No."

"Is there any point in trying to charm you into telling me anyway?"

"No," he repeated curtly.

He appeared to be angry, but not with her. She knew he had divulged all that he was willing to say on the matter. "I have a subcommittee meeting with him next Wednesday," she said.

"Stay away from him," Jack cautioned.

Caroline kissed his cheek. "Thank you for defending my honor, Monty. But I can handle Murdock just fine. I've done it before."

Jack still looked uncomfortable. "How many blogs and political sites do you visit?" he asked.

"Not that many," Caroline said. "Maybe _The Hill_ or _Politico_ , but not much beyond that. _Roll Call_ and _CQ_ for practical matters. Although I've been known to sneak a peek at _Wonkette_ every now and then for my daily dose of snark."

"I see. Those are all relatively legitimate sources of information."

Caroline laughed. Maybe he didn't know what _Wonkette_ was. "I don't like purely partisan sites. I'd rather make my judgments myself based on personal observations."

Jack relaxed. "I knew there was a reason I loved you so much. So, if you were visiting _The Hill_ this week, did you notice all that praise you received for that bipartisan piece of legislation you authored?"

"You mean the capital gains bill?"

"Yes." Jack gave her an impish look. "You're finally embracing Reaganomics, I see. Just a few decades late."

He was poking fun at her, and Caroline bit his earlobe in return. "I am not. It's common sense, which shouldn't be partisan. Give middle class people a tax break on investments and they'll invest more. Or at least be more willing to consider it. Upper class folks don't need that incentive."

"I may sign on as a co-sponsor. Would that make you happy?"

"Extremely. Might even get you laid."

"I don't need to co-sponsor bills for that, do I?"

She ran her hands through his hair. "What do you think?"

"It's a good bill. I'm sure it will pass through both chambers rather easily."

"I'm not sure the president will sign it."

"Have you been lobbying him on it?"

"Not really. If he wants to talk to me, I'll listen. But if he wants to get the economy going again he has to try something other than the same old tired methods."

"I get the feeling you're not pleased with his job performance thus far."

"I'm not. He cultivated all this goodwill before being sworn in and he's blown it."

Jack gave her a wry grin. "You're not just saying that because you've been unable to cultivate the same goodwill after your keynote speech, right?"

Caroline frowned again. "It's funny how being a giant bitch made me really popular with the DNC, and when I calmed down a little and started being nice again, they drifted away." She rubbed her temples. Mulling over party politics gave her a headache. "But I don't mind. I hate all that bullshit. Makes my life a lot easier, actually."

It hadn't taken long for Caroline to tire of the routine after the convention the previous fall. She had to be away from her children, make speeches she didn't feel comfortable making, do all the things she swore she'd never do. She vowed not to be that kind of politician and had come close to crossing the boundary and never being able to go back. She remained eternally grateful that Christine called her out after that first round of endorsements. Caroline would never be able to quietly fade back into the woodwork again, but she was still doing her best to repair the damage she caused.

"At least Langlade is speaking to you again," Jack said.

She scowled. "Yes. I spent hours hoping that relationship would be reignited."

Jack laughed. "Caroline, why are you a Democrat?"

"What do you mean?"

"You're close personal friends with the Speaker of the House," he said. "A Republican, I might add."

"I am aware of his party affiliation."

"Your best friend is one of the most conservative women in Congress."

"I am also aware of that."

"And you're dating me."

"Against my better judgment," Caroline said, smiling.

"So, what gives? Are you a closet GOPer? It's okay to admit it, sweetheart. We'll accept you."

"It will be a cold day in hell before I join the Republican Party. Nothing personal," she added.

Jack feigned shock. "Such strong language. You're a little defensive, Caroline. Come to the dark side. You know you want to."

"Why should I? My side has lemon meringue pie."

"Only because you're the one who makes it."

"I can imagine how much the Republican Party would enjoy an outspoken liberal woman who provides them with phenomenal baked goods. There's a slogan in there somewhere."

"You're not as liberal as you think you are."

"I know. But I prefer to reclaim the language instead of abandoning it. 'Liberal' isn't a dirty word."

"It isn't. And neither is 'conservative.'"

"Too bad the extremes control so much of the debate. I'm mostly a Democrat because our crazies are a bit less crazy than yours. Nothing exists in a vacuum. I don't think a lot of your fellow Republicans understand that."

"A lot of your fellow Democrats don't understand it, either."

Caroline blew out a harsh breath. "It's maddening. I ran as a Democrat because I more closely identified with their platform. Which isn't saying much because I still have some major concerns about it."

"You're a social libertarian and an economic moderate. You could have gone either way."

"Maybe. The Democratic establishment hated me when I first ran for office but I joined the party anyway. The lack of open-mindedness on both sides frustrates me. To say nothing of the lack of respect and compassion for one another as human beings."

"Is that why you're so desperate to reach across the aisle?"

"Yes. Because I know there are many others who feel the same way."

Jack wrapped his arms tighter around her. "You do good work, sweetheart. I hope you know that."

Caroline ruffled his hair. "You're full of compliments tonight. Since we're talking party affiliation, why are you a Republican?"

"Because I'm a rich bastard who hates women and minorities?"

She laughed. "Seriously."

"Oh, and the gays. I hate them too. Except for Katie, of course."

"I'll give her your kindest personal not even slightly homophobic regards."

"Don't even get me started on the poors."

"Now you sound like you've been reading too many liberal memes. Have you been reading liberal memes, Representative McIntyre?"

"I like to think of myself as a Rockefeller Republican."

"In other words, a moderate Democrat."

"Not really. I've got some conservative ideas on social issues, particularly as it pertains to the government's obligation to fund certain programs."

"But you still believe in their objective goodness."

"Perhaps. But my private beliefs as a Catholic don't always comport with my public policy positions. Wouldn't you agree?"

"I should have never told you how I really feel about abortion. Does that make me a hypocrite?"

"Your opinion is probably similar to those of most other Americans. You're a pragmatist, not a hypocrite."

"If you say so."

Jack kissed her forehead. "You strive to do the right thing for the right reasons. I hope I'm the same way. But part of my party affiliation is selfish. Republicans are consistently in favor of lower taxes and you know how much I love my money."

"You do a lot of good with it, too. Maybe you should give that more play."

"I see no need to do that."

"You just don't want people to know what a good man you are."

"You know, and that's all that matters."

They sat at the table with Caroline resting her head on his shoulder, until she broke the silence.

"Let's talk about fun stuff," she said.

"Like what?"

"Tell me something random about you."

"I hate clowns."

Caroline started laughing.

"It's not funny," Jack said. "They're creepy little bastards."

She tried to contain her giggles.

"Really, Caroline. I open myself up to you and this is how you respond."

"No, I just...that's good to know." Caroline took a deep breath, letting out one final chuckle. "I find that tremendously reassuring."

"You don't like clowns?"

"Hell no."

Jack smiled. "Good. I knew you were smart. So what about you?"

"I graduated from college in three years."

"Really?"

"I earned a ton of AP credits in high school. I tried to complete a second major but I wanted to start law school as soon as I could, so I gave that idea up."

"I'm impressed."

"Well," Caroline said. "Thanks. I skipped the fifth grade too."

"Look at you, child prodigy."

"I test really well."

"Now I know where Marguerite gets it from."

"Maybe. Her father was no slouch."

"I'm sure he wasn't," Jack said. "How old were you when you graduated from college?"

"Nineteen. I have a late birthday."

"Just a baby." Jack grinned. "I thought standardized tests were biased against females."

"Not against me." Caroline laughed. "All of this is on my Wikipedia page. I guess you haven't been hanging out there."

"No. I haven't. Anything else interesting on it?"

"Not really. Although Katie edits it constantly, and usually throws something highly obnoxious on there for fun."

"Like what?"

"Oh, once she put something out there about my pet chihuahua Tiddlywinks, who had his own tiny wardrobe. I had a custom made purse so I could carry him onto the House floor. He never missed a vote. And he was always spectacularly dressed. I reluctantly let him go after he married another chihuahua in an intimate ceremony at the Cathedral of the Immaculate Conception."

"Is any of that true?"

Caroline decided to leave out the part about how the dog's closet was bigger than hers. "You really think the Catholic Church would agree to marry a pair of chihuahuas?"

Jack was trying not to laugh. He enjoyed giving her a hard time. "You never know."

"Katie has a rare gift. Most of that page is filled with dirty, dirty lies."

"And yet you haven't fired her."

God forbid. Katie was irreplaceable. For all their joking, her press secretary was very good at her job, which allowed for a lot of leeway when it came to her Wikipedia excursions. Sometimes Caroline helped her do the edits, if she was feeling particularly randy.

"I'm a very forgiving boss," she said.

"I can see that. And now it's your turn to ask me a question."

"Here's an easy one. What's your favorite movie?"

Jack thought a moment. " _True Grit_ , probably. What's yours?"

"Ah, a John Wayne man. I have a hard time picking a favorite movie. I have terrible taste, although I can sometimes be counted on when it comes to inane comedies and movie musicals. And I adore the classics. Bette Davis, Kate Hepburn, Clark Gable, Cary Grant, Spencer Tracy. Love them all."

"Those are all wonderful Golden Age actors."

" _The Philadelphia Story_ is probably my favorite Hepburn movie, but have you seen _State of the Union_? It's a lesser known Capra film with Tracy and Hepburn. Angela Lansbury gives an incredible supporting performance. Maybe even better than the role she had in _The Manchurian Candidate_."

"I've never seen it. Maybe we should watch it."

"I have a lot of old movies in my library. If they float your boat."

"You are such a cultured woman."

"Please tell me you like _The Sound of Music_. If you don't agree that Julie Andrews is a national treasure I'll probably have to break up with you."

"I hope you don't have some sort of Captain von Trapp fantasy."

"Christopher Plummer is incredibly attractive in that movie. And you do remind me a little of him. Without the whistle."

He kissed her cheek. "Anything else? Maybe some other light fluff?"

"Not really. I never put much stock in happy endings."

Jack looked surprised. "But you like musicals."

"I do. They're glorious examples of the human spirit. But they're not entirely realistic. Life is so much more complicated than that."

He smoothed his hand through her hair. "You're such an enigma sometimes. I often wonder what it's like inside that byzantine head of yours."

"You don't want to know."

"I want to know everything about you." He smiled when Caroline blushed. "You're adorable."

"I think you say things like that on purpose."

"Of course I do. Why do you get to have more than one favorite?"

"I have a hard time limiting myself. Oh, I can't believe I forgot this one. I will always watch _The Parent Trap_ if it's on TV."

"Maureen O'Hara. Nice." Jack closed his eyes. "I take back what I said before. _The Quiet Man_ is definitely my favorite movie."

"Maureen O'Hara _is_ pretty hot," Caroline said. "I would kill for her hair."

Jack reflexively ran his fingers through her hair. "You have it, sweetheart."

"No, it's more brown than red, especially in winter."

"Looks gorgeous to me regardless. And while I'm thinking about it, I prefer when you wear it down."

"You don't like my little French twists?" Caroline asked.

"Those are sexy as hell but I like being able to tug on your hair when I'm kissing you. Or doing other unseemly things."

"Mmm, like what?"

"Depends. Are you going to be here in the morning?"

A constant theme on the nights they spent together. "We've talked about that, Jack. I can't stay overnight when Congress is in session."

"You spend the night when we're in Philadelphia. What difference does it make what city we're in? Hell, it makes sense." Jack ran his tongue up her neck. "My driver could take you to work in the mornings and he could make sure we always got caught in traffic."

Caroline gripped his shirt, responding to his touch. Jack began to trail kisses over her jawbone, wrecking her concentration.

"I'm trying to set boundaries, Monty. You aren't making it easy."

"You want to stay here."

She did. More than anything. "I also have my own home."

"You wanted us to stop sneaking around, be more open about things. That's what I'm trying to do."

"It doesn't mean we have to accelerate the pace. It's so early. Let's not push our luck."

Jack stopped what he was doing. "Do you think I'm moving too fast?"

Caroline had this nagging fear in the back of her head that something was going to come along and spoil this. She'd only come close to having true happiness once, with Nicky. She knew the odds were long that it would ever happen again. But she didn't want to tell Jack. He'd been trying so hard and he was doing everything right, yet she was convinced that there was something he was holding back. And she wasn't about to give in yet. Not completely.

"No. I just...I can't stay."

"I wish you would," Jack said. "My bed feels empty without you in it. The way you press your body up against mine, sighing softly in your sleep. Holding you all night. Being able to touch you in the morning when you first wake up. I want to be the first thing you see every day."

"Don't say things like that," Caroline whispered.

"Why not?"

"Jack, we can't take that step. Not yet."

"We love each other. We want to be with each other. And I maybe get a few hours with you a day. It bothers me that I don't get more. I don't see the harm in you spending the rest of your summer here."

"I can't give you that right now. I'm not ready."

"Does this have anything to do with your roommate?"

Maybe she could sidestep. "We have to maintain some decorum. You and I both do."

"You didn't answer my question."

Of course he would notice. "I suppose I have incentive to behave with a little more politesse when my best friend is making comments about my sinful behavior."

"Does she really do that?"

"I might be exaggerating a shade but it's not like she hasn't figured out what we've been doing."

"You're thirty-six years old, Caroline. You can have sex any time you want without anyone judging you, least of all your friends."

She tousled his hair. "Even if it's with a man who's far too old for me?"

"I'm only eleven years older than you. That's hardly May-December." Jack nuzzled Caroline's neck again. "Maybe more Rich Uncle Sugar. Who is more than willing to buy you all sorts of luxurious gifts and guide you in the ways of love."

She moaned as he nipped at her earlobe. "You iniquitous man."

He pulled his head up for a moment. "Nice vocabulary, sweetheart. Is that how you were able to skip a grade and graduate early?"

She grinned raffishly. "You should hear all the synonyms for sexual intercourse that I have cued up in my brain just waiting to come out."

Jack kissed her nose. "I'd love to hear them. Preferably when we're naked."

"I like the sound of that. And cut Chrissy some slack. She's just a little uptight."

"Christine is a bit of a killjoy, isn't she?"

Caroline laughed. "Yes. Yes, she is. But I love her anyway."

"Whenever I try to thank her for helping you out, she gets very quiet."

"She doesn't like talking about it."

"When did she move in with you?"

"About a month after it happened. She didn't ask. She just did it. I think she knew I wasn't going to say anything and she sure as hell wasn't going to make a big deal over it. She knew I needed her."

"I like her. Tell her I said that. Christine can say she doesn't like me but that isn't going to stop me from being nice to her. I appreciate that she's protective of you."

"Do you still think I need protecting, too?"

"I'm quite certain of it. Treasures need to be guarded."

Caroline laughed again, louder this time. "That compliment needs some major overhaul before it's even remotely workable."

"I thought it sounded pretty romantic, actually." Jack buried his nose in her hair, inhaling deeply. "I love the smell of your shampoo."

"I'll let the Pantene people know you approve." She giggled as he continued to sniff around her head. "Jack, stop. Really."

He studied her closely, pressing a lock of hair between his fingers. "Definitely more red than brown," he pronounced.

Caroline smiled. "Is my hair going to turn into a fetish for you?"

"I'm considering it. How much more time do I have with you before you have to leave?"

"Maybe an hour."

"Then let's make it count." Jack leaned in to kiss her deeply.

"What about my pie?" she asked after they took a minute to catch their breath. "I didn't get any dessert."

"It'll be fine." He kissed her neck as she began to loosen his tie.

"We could go upstairs," Caroline said in between kisses. "Maybe we should go upstairs."

"Here is fine." Jack unbuttoned her blouse and ran a finger under the top of her bra cup. "Lovely."

She pulled off his tie. "Aren't the condoms upstairs?"

He produced a condom from his pocket. "I've wanted to make love to you in this dining room since I moved in here."

Caroline playfully swatted him on the chest. He knew she hated that phrase, especially when it involved having sex in unusual places. "You little shit. You planned this."

"It was in the back of my mind but the pie pushed me over the edge."

"I want to eat my piece. I'm still hungry."

"We'll figure out how to deal with that later." Jack stuffed the condom back in his pants.

"This table looks awfully uncomfortable." Caroline squirmed against Jack's pant leg. "Even if you are ready to go."

"I like to think of myself as a wayward Boy Scout. Always prepared." He slid his palm under her blouse and over her stomach and she shivered. "Not on the table," he murmured. "On the floor, my love."

Caroline scrambled off his lap, gazing down at the Persian rug. "Is this thing Scotchgarded?"

Jack eased her back down onto the carpet. "It's fine, sweetheart." He hiked up her skirt. A predatory look came over his face when he saw her garter belt. "You know what it does to me when you wear this. I think you intended to bring me more than pie from the very beginning."

Caroline settled back onto the floor, gasping as Jack yanked her underwear down. "I might have taken a few more minutes than usual to reflect upon my wardrobe this morning."

Jack kissed the inside of her leg above her nylons. "I definitely have to reward you for your thoughtfulness." He buried his face between her thighs.

It didn't take long for him to find the right spot. Caroline had her insecurities about the number of women he'd been with, but after only a little over a month he knew her body better than she did. Maybe all that experience had taught him a trick or two. She tried to grab on to something but the rug was too smooth. In desperation, she grasped at the table leg as she felt herself falling into sweet bliss, calling out his name, writhing against him until he pulled his head up with a grin.

"Please tell me this dining room set wasn't expensive," Caroline said when she was able to speak again. "I got scratch marks all over it."

"Fine with me." Jack grinned. "I'll think of you every time I sit down to eat."

He pulled the condom back out of his pocket and unzipped his pants and smoothed it onto his erection, then leaned down to kiss her.

"Now," Caroline said as he eased her thighs open again.

"What if I want to tease you first?"

"We don't have time. Jack, please." She moaned as he rubbed her clit.

"Tell me what you need, baby." It wasn't a request but a command.

She hated when he played this game. Or loved it. She wasn't sure anymore. "I need you," she panted, hoping she didn't sound as desperate as she felt. He'd pushed her over the edge again so quickly she hadn't realized it.

"What else?"

"Just you." She bit her lip. "Please."

Jack pressed his mouth to her neck. "I like it when you beg." He bit her gently, pulling back to look at her. He traced a path around her lips as she wrapped her arms around his shoulders. "I love you, Caroline," he whispered.

Caroline cried out as he thrust into her.

"I know," she murmured, curling her hands up in his hair, pulling him closer as he started to move inside her. "I know."

# Chapter Twenty

Maureen rubbed her eyes as she walked up to the Nurse's Station.

"Morning, Dr. Savage," the duty nurse said.

"Morning, Valerie."

"Rough night?"

"Gonna be a rough day too, I suspect," Maureen said. She tried to crack a grin and failed. "How are you and the rest of the girls holding up?"

Valerie gave her a watery smile. "We all miss Dr. Livingston."

Maureen was never all that good at comforting people. "It's been hard for all of us. I hope you know how much he appreciated the hard work you've done over the years."

"I know," Valerie said softly. "He was a good man."

"Indeed he was." Maureen cleared her throat. "How's our patient today?"

Valerie gave Maureen a troubled look. "Okay, I guess. I thought I heard her mumbling earlier this morning. Those sedatives might be starting to wear off."

"I'll take a look at her," Maureen said.

"Dr. Savage, can I ask you something?"

"Sure."

Valerie looked down at her cup of coffee. "What are they going to do with her? She was - she always seemed like such a nice person. I mean, you can't tell much from TV and all, but why does the military want her?"

Maureen patted Valerie's shoulder. The poor woman knew too much. "Don't worry about it. Just take care of her while she's here."

"She was talking about her children," Valerie whispered. "And her husband." She wiped her eyes. "It was hard to see. I wanted to increase her dosage just so I wouldn't have to hear it. I feel like such a shitty nurse."

"Don't feel bad. You were doing your job. She sustained some serious injuries and we're trying to help her heal. Don't worry about anything you've been doing because you've been doing everything right. Understand?"

Valerie took a sip of her coffee and made a face. "Nasty." She looked at Maureen. "I hope they pick you to replace Dr. Livingston."

"Don't hold your breath," Maureen said. "Be prepared for some changes. I don't know when but...be ready. Go get some fresh coffee. Take a break or something. I'll hang around out here after I check in on Ms. Gerard."

Valerie smiled as she started to head toward the cafeteria. "Thanks, Doc."

# Chapter Twenty-One

Caroline

July

Caroline gathered up her papers. Another subcommittee meeting, another wasted few hours. And to top it off, Jack was busy almost the entire afternoon so she wasn't going to be able to see him until later that evening. She headed toward the door, doing her best not to make eye contact with anyone. That was generally the best way to get out of these things and back to something worthwhile.

Representative Murdock blocked her path and she let out an audible sigh.

"What can I do for you, Jeffrey?"

He smiled at her, his lips curled around his teeth. It made her feel ill. Nothing good ever came after that man showed pleasure in anything. "How are things between you and McIntyre?"

"I fail to see how that's an appropriate topic for us to discuss," Caroline said. "If you don't stop spouting off to him, you're probably going to earn a black eye for your troubles."

"A man with a temper, eh?" Murdock asked. "Not my fault he can't handle the truth. A man of ambition too, from what I can tell."

"Stop the cryptic bullshit. What do you want?"

Murdock put his arm around her and she pushed away from him. He glowered. "Oh, come on now. Can't we be friends?"

"No," Caroline said. "We can't."

"I just figured you'd want one more chance to be with a man who knows how to...take care of you properly."

The words hung heavy in the air. She didn't want to analyze his double entendres. Especially when they seemed more ominous than romantic. "Jack has that covered, thanks."

"Does he?" Murdock asked. "Are you his first priority?"

"Stop with the weak attempts at verbal jousting, Jeffrey. Your bucket is dry."

Murdock pulled a small stack of papers out of a folder. "I just wanted to make sure you knew what you were getting into with him. I'm moving up in the world."

Caroline assumed that was a reference to his impending gubernatorial campaign. "How nice for you."

"You could have been along for the ride, if you'd been nicer to me."

She tried not to retch. "My loss, I guess."

"Looks as if your boyfriend's moving up, too." He shoved the papers into her hands.

It was a printout from a website she didn't recognize. "What's this?"

"Take a look for yourself."

She glanced at the header and her throat went dry. "Where did you get this?"

Murdock gave her a pitying glance. "Oh, for shame. You didn't know?"

"I-"

He made a clucking noise. "I know it's an obscure local blog, but I thought you were a bit more perceptive than that." He laughed at her expression. "You really trusted that player, didn't you? Looks like loverboy isn't as straight with you as you thought."

Caroline steadied herself. "Certainly I knew." Thankfully her voice wasn't shaking. She had to find a place where she could be alone. Immediately. "He tells me everything."

Murdock smirked at her. "You've got to learn to lie better, Gerard. Your poker face is for shit." He laughed again as he slinked past her toward the door. "Have a fantastic day."

* * * * *

Caroline strode into Jack's office holding the printout of the blog posting in her hand. She'd spent the afternoon trying to process what she read after the committee hearing and had steeled herself for this moment. She pored over every detail of their relationship, every conversation, every sign she'd missed. It was terrible trying to hold her emotions in check when she was slowly dying inside. She wasn't entirely sure she was ready to confront the truth.

There were hardly any lights on and his staff was gone. Jack was sitting at his desk signing letters, the twilight illuminating his face through the window.

He looked up and smiled at her. "Hi, baby."

She threw the papers down on the desk. "We need to talk," she said.

Jack grabbed it and looked at the header: _McIntyre Eyes Pennsylvania Gubernatorial Race_. He started to say something, but Caroline spoke first.

"Don't. Don't waste your breath."

She had come into his office spitting fire and she wanted to keep it that way. She was terrified that she'd start crying in front of him, and she wasn't about to give him the satisfaction.

"Caroline-"

"How long has this been in the works?"

"Please, just-"

"How long?"

Jack turned his eyes to the wall. "I don't know, since maybe March or April."

Caroline stared at her feet. "That was before we started dating."

"I know."

"While we were still friends. While we were telling each other everything we could, trying to get to know each other better. While you were trying to convince me to go out with you." She gave him an anguished look. "You knew already, that night before Easter when you tried to kiss me. When I asked you about Murdock. Didn't you?"

Jack hung his head. "Yes."

Caroline covered her eyes. "You fucking bastard. You lied right to my face just so you could get what you wanted. All that mysterious behavior, all those weird questions about my online activities and my involvement in political gossip, it was all because you didn't want me to find out."

"Caroline, please let me-"

"Don't start. Everything that comes out of your mouth is a lie. When were you going to tell me?"

"I-" He cleared his throat, looking down at the article again. "Who gave this to you?"

"How do you know I didn't track it down myself?"

"Who gave this to you?" he repeated.

Caroline bit her tongue. Because a simpleton like her would have never found it on her own. She hated when he was right. "I had that subcommittee meeting this morning. Who do you think?"

Jack rubbed his forehead. "Shit."

"That was my general feeling," Caroline said. "I assure you he made the moment appropriately embarrassing for me."

"Caroline, I-"

"I cannot believe you," she interrupted, grateful that her temper appeared to be winning out over her despair. "I had to find this out from fucking Murdock. He looked like the goddamn Cheshire Cat when he handed it to me. I'm surprised he didn't start doing a happy dance in the middle of the committee room. He could smell my defeat from a mile away. Lord knows how many people he's already told about what an idiot I am."

Jack shifted in his chair and lifted his head up. "Sweetheart-"

"Don't call me that!" she shouted. "Don't use pet names or try to trick me into thinking something that isn't true or play any of the other mind games you use to manipulate people. You've known about this for months – multiple months – and you never told me. Do you know how humiliated I feel right now? How many people know?"

"Caroline, please let me explain."

"When were you going to tell me?"

"I-" He looked very guilty. "I don't know."

"Well, that's fucking great. Were you going to schedule a press conference and tell me after the fact?"

"Caroline, I wanted to tell you, I just-"

"You just didn't. You had every opportunity and you didn't."

"Are you going to let me explain myself or not?"

"Fine." She crossed her arms. "Go ahead."

Jack rubbed his jaw wearily. "It was an idea when it first started. Then it turned into something else, something more. Like us."

"Don't you dare make that comparison," she spat.

He gave her an exasperated look. "You wanted me to explain and I'm trying to do that, but you won't let me get a word in edgewise."

Caroline threw her hands up in the air. "It doesn't matter. I'm not going to believe anything you tell me anyway. Go run for governor. That's what you wanted this entire time, wasn't it? Grease the wheels, make contacts, win that first election, and move on to that big statewide race when the next opportunity came along."

"That's not true."

"That's what the blog posting said."

"Are you going to listen to some random blogger or are you going to listen to me?"

"Depends on which one of you is lying."

"I'm not lying to you."

"You've been in Congress for less than a year. And now you're going to screw people over like you always have. You found something better so it's time to move on. Only this time, I got caught up in it. So, go live your life. You know, the one where you have no cares, no emotional connections, no responsibilities to anyone except yourself. Just do whatever you want to do, steamroll over everybody else and hurt whoever you want to get the power or the money or the influence you crave. That's what you've always done, isn't it? You've always done it, but you tried to convince me that you'd abandoned that part of you. The part of you that has dominated every decision you've ever made for your entire life. And I was dumb enough to believe it. But you're nothing but a selfish asshole, aren't you?"

Jack's face was bright red, and Caroline could tell he was furious. She didn't care.

"Aren't you?" she cried.

"Do you feel better after getting all of that out? If that's what you truly think of me then by all means endorse my opponent," he said. "You've got pull. I'm sure you can make a stirring speech about how I'm a millionaire playboy trying to buy my way into the Governor's Mansion."

She stepped back as if she'd been slapped. Jack reached his hand toward her. He appeared to be appalled with himself. "Caroline, I-"

She glanced at his outstretched arm, then stared at the floor. "We're never going to get past that, are we?" she asked quietly. "Never. It keeps coming up. Maybe not all the time but often enough. You can't get past it. A lot of people in your party can't get past it. It was a terrible thing to say. I know. And for whatever reason it means you can't be honest with me."

"I didn't mean it that way." Jack sounded imploring, desperate. "Caroline, please listen to me."

"I don't want to hear it. I was warned not to trust you. People told me abysmal things about you and I didn't believe them, because that was nothing like the man I thought I'd met." Her voice was shaking. "I told them all, you don't know him like I do. He's a good person. He's not what you think he is. But they were right, weren't they? They all had you pegged and you went ahead and played me for a fool."

"That's not the way it was and you know it."

"You used me. You thought you could dick around with the grieving widow for a few months while you played Congressman until you could make the leap to greener pastures and toss me aside. That's what you do. Right, Jack? Use women?"

"Sweetheart, please. Let's talk about this. Let's figure this out. I love you."

Hearing those words had never hurt so much. "Don't lie to me!" she yelled. "You don't love me. You don't love anyone but yourself and your precious ambition. I let you in. I trusted you. I trusted you with things I've never told anyone, and you were lying to me the entire time. What was it, some sort of revenge? I tried to fuck you during the campaign so you decided to fuck me?"

Jack ran his hands through his hair. "Jesus Christ, Caroline. You are out of control. Calm down and think logically."

She was practically screaming. "Don't tell me what to think!"

"Get ahold of yourself. I can't talk to you when you're like this. We can make this work. You need to listen to me."

"I'm through listening. You've been holding on to this information every day for months, and you never breathed a word of it to me. That's not what you do in a relationship. I don't know what you think you feel for me but it's definitely not love." Caroline sniffled, trying to hold onto whatever tiny bit of dignity she had left. "This isn't going to work."

She could almost see the breath catch in Jack's throat. If she didn't know any better, she would have thought he cared. She'd clearly caught him off guard.

"What are you saying?" he asked. "Are you ending this?"

"There is no 'this.' It never started, Jack. Not really."

"I don't want to lose you."

"It was just sex." Her voice was almost a whisper. "That's all it was."

"Caroline, you know that isn't true. We have a connection. We belong together."

"Bullshit. No, we don't. We had some fun in the sack. That's all."

"We have much more than that," Jack said. "Please stop acting this way."

Caroline pointed an accusing finger at him. "What you call a 'connection' wasn't anything more than what you usually did with women, right? Maybe you should go find an agreeable young blond Republican bimbo to help you get your jollies on the campaign trail. They're still lining up to date you. Pick one of those staffers who've been sniffing around you. Fucking the next Governor of Pennsylvania will be quite an accomplishment for them. You can get yourself a nice trophy wife if you play your cards right. I'm sure any of them would be happy to keep your bed warm after a long day at work."

"I don't want anyone else. I want you." His voice was now a plea. "You don't mean anything you're saying, sweetheart."

"You can't have me. Not anymore. I meant every word. Enjoy your gubernatorial race. I'm done."

Caroline yanked the diamond solitaire from around her neck. It came easier than she thought. She barely felt the sting as the broken clasp scraped against her skin. Platinum was soft. Easy to break. And the move was sufficiently dramatic. She threw the necklace on his desk, pleased by the devastated look on Jack's face, and spun around, leaving his office in a huff. She was proud of the fact that she managed to make it back to her own desk on the other side of the building before she collapsed onto it in tears.

* * * * *

Caroline opened the door that led from the garage into the house, wiping her eyes one final time as she did so. She had spent a considerable amount of time alone in her office before leaving. Her throat was raw from crying. She was torn between feeling deeply ashamed of the way she behaved and terribly hurt that Jack had lied to her. She drove the entire way home weeping softly, wallowing in her self-pity, letting every call on her phone go to voicemail. She was certain that most of them were from Jack.

"Caroline?" She could hear Christine in the living room. "Is that you?"

As if it would be someone else. Caroline cleared her throat. "Yeah," she called.

She threw her suit jacket and purse on a kitchen chair and made her way to the living room. Christine was sitting on the recliner wearing her glasses, reading a biography of Clare Boothe Luce. Caroline knew once she looked at Christine that she was going to start crying again. She covered her mouth but a muffled sob still escaped her lips.

Christine looked up from her book with alarm. "Caroline, what is it?"

Caroline covered her face with her hand and continued to cry, unable to find any words. She heard Christine get up.

"Come here, Punky." Christine guided her to the couch. "What happened?"

Caroline put her head between her knees, cradling her neck. She was trying to breathe but couldn't seem to calm herself down. She was dangerously close to hyperventilating.

"Caroline," Christine put her hand on Caroline's shoulder. "What is going on?"

Caroline lifted up her head and wiped her face with a shaky hand. "Jack is probably running for governor of Pennsylvania. It was all over the political blogs today." Once she verified the original story that Murdock gave her, it then exploded across the political universe in the few hours since it had originally been posted. Which made her feel even worse.

Christine looked confused. "Okay. And?"

"He didn't tell me."

"Oh." Christine's voice was calm.

"It's been in the works since before we were dating, and he didn't tell me."

"I see." Christine kept the same measured tone, removing her hand from Caroline's shoulder.

"Well?" Caroline asked. "Aren't you going to say 'I told you so'?"

Christine looked affronted. "Why would I do that?"

"Because you were right. He was using me. He knew this for months and didn't say a word. He was fucking around and I fell for it."

"Caroline, I-" Christine paused and took off her glasses. She looked very tired. "I would never tell you that."

Christine's reaction was off. She wasn't nearly as angry by proxy as Caroline would have anticipated. Caroline jumped up from the couch.

"You knew, didn't you?" she accused.

Christine nodded reluctantly. "There have been some rumors floating amid several caucus members and staffers for the last couple of days but I had nothing concrete to substantiate them," she said. "I didn't want to tell you if I wasn't sure."

"I had to find out from Murdock," Caroline said. "And a small time Pennsylvania political blogger with a very big scoop."

Christine shook her head. "I should have told you, even when it was unverified. I certainly would have preferred you hear it from someone who cares about you." She looked at Caroline ashamedly. "But I'd done enough to try to sabotage your relationship and I didn't think it was fair to tell you if I didn't have proof."

"Well, thanks a lot, Chrissy. Thanks a whole fucking lot. I must have been the only person in Washington who didn't know."

"I doubt that very much. It seemed very hush hush, unofficial. One of his staffers used to work for me, and he let something slip during an impromptu meeting yesterday that made me think it might be legit. Whoever wrote that original blog posting must have found a leak somewhere."

"That makes me feel so much better."

Christine put her glasses on the end table and gave Caroline a very hard look, crossing her arms. "What would you have me do? Despite what you think, I really did want to believe that he was good for you. The suspicious part of me was shut out by the part of me who remembers quite clearly who you were before Nick died. The part of me who wanted to hope for the best for you, to see you happy again. The past few months you've been so much like the Caroline you used to be and I knew it was because of Jack. Maybe I should have said something. I don't know. Would you have even believed me?"

Caroline sat down on the couch again. "I guess not." She gave Christine an odd look. "You called him Jack."

Christine let that slide and scooted closer to her. "I want you to be happy. Tom and I, your friends, your daughters...there are so many people who care about you and want you to be happy."

Caroline turned to look at her. "Maybe I'm not meant to be that way anymore, Chrissy. I used to think that you could get more than one shot at this. But maybe Nicky was it. Maybe he was the only one I got. And now he's gone." She choked back another sob, staring at the wall. "I should have appreciated him more when I had him."

Christine put her arm around Caroline. "You did, honey. You two loved each other very much. You adored your children. You built a home together. You lived a very good life surrounded by people who care about you. And you still have a good life even if Nick is no longer here. I know you're having a hard time seeing that right now, but it's true."

Caroline leaned into Christine's shoulder. "Nicky was so safe and secure. And he let me get away with so much." She smiled, thinking of him.

Christine gave Caroline a quick squeeze. "He sure did."

"Jack was like no one I'd ever met before. He's nothing like Nicky, at all. But I thought I connected with him." Caroline let out a shuddering breath. "I can't believe I was so dumb. He used me like he uses everyone else. All the gifts, the attention, the romantic gestures, it was all an act."

Christine leaned in closer. "I don't think that's true. I've seen the way he looks at you, Caroline. I'm not sure you can fake that. Maybe he wasn't willing to make a long term commitment, maybe he hadn't changed, but he felt something. I'm just not entirely sure he deserves you."

"Yeah, no shit." Caroline let out a bitter laugh.

They sat there for a moment, neither of them saying anything.

"Why is he affecting me this way?" Caroline whispered.

Christine's voice was gentle. "You're in love, Punky. Maybe a little more intensely than you thought."

"I wasn't ready. Why did I get involved with him when I wasn't ready? When I knew who he was?"

"Love isn't rational."

"I feel so stupid," Caroline said. "So incredibly stupid."

"What happened?" Christine asked.

"I blew up at him. I completely lost control. I practically threw a temper tantrum in his office. I straight up snapped. Half of what I said didn't even make any sense. But you know me, I'm good at the below the belt stuff."

She had demonstrated that quite effectively during the last campaign. Caroline hated that part of herself. "It took me months to convince him that he could be more than what everyone told me he was, and I destroyed it all in about thirty seconds. You should have seen the look on his face when I told him all those things. I made some terrible accusations against him and he threw my campaign speech back in my face. And then I broke up with him."

"Did he tell you why he kept this from you?"

"I didn't really give him much of a chance."

Christine sighed, and Caroline knew she was choosing her words carefully. "Oh, Caroline. I don't want to tell you what to do, but did you ever think that maybe you should have given him the benefit of the doubt?"

"You're defending him?" Caroline asked.

Christine scowled. "No." Her voice came out much calmer than the look in her eyes would indicate. "I'm not defending him. I don't like him. He should have told you. But my opinion of him doesn't matter nearly as much as yours. Is this worth losing him over?"

"I'd say that him running for statewide office in Pennsylvania and moving 130 miles away is reason enough, don't you? What the fuck am I supposed to do? Campaign with him? Move to Philadelphia? Uproot my entire life, my job, my children? Be the quiet, adoring girlfriend? I'm sure Jack walking hand in hand with the liberal Democratic woman who endorsed his opponent during his last election will play really well with conservative voters."

"You're making a lot of assumptions without any information to back them up."

Was Christine trying to start an argument? "I have all the information I need. It's clear that he never wanted more than a fling after all."

"Did you ask him that?"

"No. I was too busy shredding him apart."

"Then how do you know that for sure?"

"What do you think he was going to do, Chrissy? Marry me?"

"Is that what you thought?" Christine asked quietly.

Sometimes her best friend was a bit too perceptive. "It doesn't matter," Caroline said. "I said so many awful things and I can't take any of them back."

"I hate to see you throwing your happiness away. It sounds as if you didn't give him an opportunity to explain anything." Christine turned to her and held her hands. "If you really think that Jack is your second chance, you can't toss him away. Not without some serious reflection. I mean it. I want you to be happy. We all do."

Caroline slipped out of Christine's grasp, feeling a third round of tears coming on. "I'm really tired. I'm going to bed."

"Punky-"

"Good night," Caroline said, and rushed up the stairs.

* * * * *

Caroline walked into the pub, which was almost empty. She'd been halfway to her car in the parking garage when she received the call. It wasn't all that late, but it had been a long day - a long few days, in fact - and she wanted to go home and go to sleep. She scanned the room until she saw a familiar face resting his head on one hand, swilling what appeared to be a whiskey on the rocks in the other. His tie was loose and his dress shirt was untucked, but his jacket was still on.

"Hey, baby," Jack said. "Wanna drink?"

The young man behind the bar sounded apologetic. "You were the emergency contact he had listed in his phone."

That would have made sense a few days ago but it certainly didn't now. But she was there already, so she very well couldn't ditch Jack without attracting attention.

"Has he settled up yet?" she asked.

The bartender hesitated. "No."

Caroline looked at Jack, who had put his head down on the bar. She got her Visa out of her wallet and handed it to the bartender. This was the kind of place that would wait and settle the tab when the patron was sober. It was easier for her to pay than to force Jack to come back the next day to get his credit card. Although she had no idea why she was doing it. He deserved the embarrassment.

The bartender returned with the bill. Caroline gaped at the amount. Jack had consumed more than a few drinks, and he hadn't gone cheap.

"You fucking owe me, McIntyre," she whispered, digging around in her purse for a pen. She went ahead and gave the bartender a sizeable tip. No doubt he'd been focusing his attention on Jack for most of the night. When she handed the kid the receipt, he looked down at what she'd written and his face lit up.

"Thank you, Representative."

Of course. He recognized her.

"Part of that tip is in exchange for your generous offer to help me drag him to my car," Caroline said.

"No problem."

The two of them got Jack into her car without too much trouble. Caroline made a point of slamming the passenger door extra hard.

"Thank you," she told the bartender.

"You're welcome. Have a nice night."

Not fucking likely. She smiled anyway, walking around to the driver's side. "You, too."

Caroline turned the key in the ignition, and pressed her fingers into the steering wheel. She glanced at Jack out of the corner of her eye, not wanting to say anything because the slightest response from him was likely to set her off.

Jack turned to her, confused. "What are you doing here?"

"I'm taking you home," Caroline said. "Unless you want to try and walk."

"Am I safe in this thing?" he slurred, putting his hand on the dash.

She was in no mood to deal with his elitist bullshit. She drove an Acura, for fuck's sake. "You are unless I start driving recklessly. Which is a distinct possibility right now."

He clumsily fastened his seat belt. "Are you sure?"

"Maybe you should shut up and let me take you home," Caroline snapped. "Before I throw you out and make you find your own ride."

Jack leaned his head against the passenger side window and burped.

"If you puke in here, I will kill you," she added.

It was a blessedly short drive to Georgetown. Jack didn't speak again, which was fine with Caroline. She pulled into one of his assigned parking spots and turned off the engine. He was still leaning to the side, half asleep. She was tempted to lay on the horn but decided it wasn't worth the effort.

"We're here." Her voice was enough to jerk him awake. "Give me your house keys."

"I don't know where they are." He recovered enough to stumble out of the passenger seat. Caroline heard a jingling noise as he staggered forward into the backyard.

"Oh, for Christ's sake." She walked around the car and shoved her hand inside the pocket of his dress pants, seizing the keys.

He gave her a wobbly grin. "I love it when you touch me there, baby."

"Get over yourself," Caroline grunted, slinging his arm over her shoulder. She was about five seconds away from letting him fall face first into the grass. "Just walk."

It was a supreme struggle to get him inside the house and up the stairs to the master bedroom. She sat him down on the bed.

"Lay down," she said.

Jack was fiddling with his hands.

"Lay down," Caroline repeated. "You're going to have to sleep this off."

He rather clumsily attempted to take off his tie, then gave up. "Why did you ignore me in the elevator today? You wouldn't even look at me."

Caroline had been doing her best to avoid conflict over the past few days, and that definitely included evading contact with Jack at every turn. But they stepped onto the same elevator in Rayburn that morning and they were alone. Caroline knew it was childish and petty to refuse to acknowledge another person, but that was exactly what she had done. She was terrified that if she looked at him, she would burst into tears or do something equally excruciating. Jack stared at her the entire time while she faced away from him, sighing heavily once she made a quick escape onto the wrong floor just to end the awkwardness.

"Is it easier to pretend I don't exist?" he asked.

_Yes_. She pulled a pillow out from under the comforter. "Lay down," she said again.

Jack grabbed her wrist. There were tears in his eyes. "I'm so sorry I hurt you, Caroline."

"We're not doing this now, Jack." She wrenched her arm away. "You're super drunk and I'm super pissed. Lay down."

"You're the best thing that has ever happened to me," he said. "I threw you away by doing something stupid. I promised myself I would never hurt you and that's exactly what I did." His voice broke. "And now you won't even speak to me."

Caroline refused to cry in front of him. She pushed his shoulder to the side, and he fell onto his pillow. She couldn't remember the last time she'd seen anyone as intoxicated as he appeared to be. Maybe in college. Although she'd probably been in similar condition on a recent night in Jerusalem. But she wasn't going to think about that. Or anything else having to do with Jack.

"Do you know how much I love you?" he asked.

"Stop." She straightened his legs and untied his dress shoes. "Just stop."

"I'm never going to forgive myself for what I did."

Caroline wiped her eyes, willing herself to stay calm. "Stay on your side," she ordered, as he tried to roll onto his back.

"I was never worthy of you," he said. "I deserve to have this fucked up life."

She removed his shoes and covered him up with a blanket. He was deteriorating rapidly and she wanted no part of it. Once she was sucked in, she'd cave and do any number of things she'd regret. "I'll be in to check on you later," she said.

"I didn't want to be Governor without my First Lady," Jack mumbled.

Caroline had to get out of that room as soon as possible. "Sleep it off, Jack," she said quietly.

He started snoring and she knew he'd already passed out. She ran out of the bedroom and down the stairs as fast as her feet would carry her.

* * * * *

Caroline sat on the couch reading an email she'd received from Kathleen. Sometimes she wondered if her press secretary ever slept. It was a little after eleven at night. She checked on Jack at about ten and he was snoring, which meant that he was breathing. She guessed that was all that mattered. Caroline decided to stick around a bit longer, maybe check on him again at midnight to be safe. She had some touch and go moments with drunken friends in college and wasn't going to take any chances.

She didn't want to sit checking her phone all night. And she knew there was nothing worthwhile on TV. Caroline was extremely unhappy to be sitting there in her skirt and blouse. It was not comfortable. She would have much rather been at home in a hoodie and shorts. Or in bed asleep. Damn him. She headed over to the built-in bookshelves in the sitting room, hoping there was something there that would catch her interest.

Jack had a wide selection of reading material and they were very messily arranged. Not that she used the Dewey Decimal System or anything, but Caroline tried to display her substantial book collection by general subject or genre. The books in the library at his home in Philadelphia were much better organized. She pondered why that might be.

He had a book on Keynesian economics on one shelf. That was unexpected. And despite the relatively progressive subject matter, Caroline wasn't interested. Too dry. She kept surveying the titles and tried not to laugh as she went from book to book. He actually had a copy of the Moynihan Report. How odd.

She decided to look on another shelf and spotted some Catholic philosophers. _The Confessions of St. Augustine_. Not surprising, but somewhat ironic. Augustine had managed to get his shit together by the time he was in his thirties, let alone Jack's age. Of course, by his forties Augustine was dead.

Caroline kept looking. _Summa Theologica_. Ugh. The goal was to stay _awake_ , not put herself to sleep. Further down the shelf was _Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows_. She grabbed it immediately.

She didn't know Jack was a Potterhead. Weird that it was clustered together with Aquinas, Augustine, Ignatius of Loyola, and what looked to be a decently researched biography of Thomas More. But she didn't care. It was good enough.

She flopped down on the couch and began to read.

* * * * *

Someone was tucking her hair behind her ear, stroking her face gently.

"Caroline. Sweetheart, wake up."

She stretched and heard a book fall onto the floor. "Just five more minutes," she mumbled. "I'm tired."

"I know, baby. It's late. I'm so sorry I did all of this to you." Jack's voice was remorseful.

Caroline jolted upright, throwing off a blanket that she didn't remember pulling over herself. "What?"

Jack was kneeling on the floor next to the couch. How long had he been there, watching her?

"It's almost two in the morning," he said. "I thought maybe it was time for you to get some real sleep. In a bed."

His eyes were bloodshot but his voice was steady. He had sobered up pretty quickly. He tentatively placed a hand on her thigh and she stood up.

"Don't touch me."

Jack rose to his feet beside her. "I'm sorry."

"You've been saying that a lot lately. It's getting old. Especially when you're lying."

"I'm not lying. I just want you to listen to me."

"There's nothing that you can say to me that I want to hear."

"I was hoping that there was a part of you that might be willing to give me another chance."

She snorted bitterly. "Not likely." Caroline slid her feet into her shoes and scooped up her suit jacket, car keys, and phone. "I'm leaving."

"Please stay. Please talk to me."

"You're awake and you're coherent. That was the only reason I stuck around in the first place, to make sure you would be okay."

"Caroline, please. I want to work this out."

She ignored his supplications. "The next time you get so fucked up that you can't even walk in a straight line, call one of your staffers, or one of your salad girls, or a taxi. If I'm forced to show up again I'll probably let you drown in your own vomit."

"Caroline, I will do anything. Anything to get you back. What do I have to do? I want to make this work."

"If you care about me at all, you'll let me go. There's nothing to work out because we had nothing to begin with."

"That's not how I saw it," Jack said.

"I don't give a shit how you saw it. I want you to leave me alone." Her eyes started to burn. She had lost control quicker than she had anticipated. "Leave. Me. Alone. Got it? You're not going to hurt me again."

"I don't want to do that, sweetheart. I want to fix what I did."

"Too late." Caroline stomped through the kitchen toward the back door. Jack was right behind her and she turned around and pushed him in the chest as hard as she could.

"Go to hell. And leave me the fuck alone," she yelled, slamming the door behind her, ignoring the stunned look on his face.

* * * * *

Things were hectic right before the August recess but Caroline thought her staff deserved a break, so she sent them all home for the night. Jen had gotten upset that afternoon and almost started crying as she told Caroline that she was reminding her of how she acted right after Nicky died. Caroline went ballistic, screaming at her in front of everyone else, including the interns. She hadn't done that since early last year. Jen didn't speak to her for the rest of the day. While Kathleen and her other high level staffers didn't follow Jen's lead per se, they definitely kept their distance. She'd have to figure out a good way to apologize to all of them in the morning.

She flicked through some constituent updates she had to approve, trying to concentrate on the words. She heard a quiet knock and looked up. It was Jack.

"I knew I should have locked the door," she muttered.

"Please don't say that." He started to walk toward her desk and stopped when he saw the expression on her face. "I'm sorry about the other night."

"It's fine." Caroline gazed down at the papers she'd been trying to read the moment before.

"I'd really like to talk to you," Jack said.

"I don't want to talk. I think I made my feelings pretty clear."

"You don't have to talk. Just listen." He took a small box out of his pocket and placed it on her desk. "I fixed your necklace for you."

"I don't want it."

"I'm not taking it back," Jack said. "It belongs to you."

"I don't fucking want it."

"Then throw it away. I don't care."

It was obvious from his tone that he did, and Caroline brought her eyes up to his. "I'm not going to let you manipulate me."

"That's not my intent."

She rose up and marched over to him until their noses were almost touching. "That's always been your intent," she hissed. "Get the fuck out of my office."

"I can't sleep. I can't focus. I think about you all the time. I wish I could go back and change everything, but I can't. I can't stand that I've hurt you so badly." Jack reached toward her. "I miss you."

Caroline took several steps back and crossed her arms, her eyes fixed on the wall. "That's not my concern," she said.

"You miss me too. I know it."

"I want you to leave."

He took a tentative step toward her and reached out his hand. Caroline slapped it away.

"Don't," she said.

He stretched out both arms and she pushed him away again, tears in her eyes.

"Don't!"

Jack stepped toward her and cradled her face in his hands, whispering in her ear. "I know you miss me, sweetheart. I know you love me. I believe in that. I trust in that. And that should have been enough for me. I should never have lied to you. I miss you so much. Please, please let me in."

Caroline closed her eyes and bit her lip. She tried to keep from crying and failed.

"Look at me." Jack started brushing her tears away.

She didn't want to. But she couldn't help herself. She gazed up at him. There was nothing but sorrow and regret in his eyes but she knew better than to believe he was sincere. She wasn't going to be duped again. Caroline wanted to wrench herself away but couldn't.

"I know you love me," he repeated. "And I love you so much. So very, very much."

"Then why did you break my heart?" she whispered.

Jack pulled her into his arms. "I'm so sorry, baby. I am."

She started to push back from him but stopped. His arms felt so good. So safe. And she just wanted to be comforted for a minute, even if it was coming from him. She leaned in and grabbed his suspenders, weeping against his collar.

Jack held on to her with one arm, stroking her hair lightly with the other. Caroline pulled herself in closer, breathing hard. Her hands drifted up over his back, across his shoulders. The wetness from her tears started to seep into his dress shirt.

"Please don't hate me," he whispered. "I don't know what I'd do if you hated me."

Caroline shuddered and released her arms, and Jack instantly loosened his grip around her. She took a step backward from him, wiping her eyes. Her hands were shaking.

"I can't do this, Jack. I'm sorry. I shouldn't have done that."

"Do what, sweetheart? It's okay to be upset with me. I deserve it."

"No, I didn't want to give you the wrong idea. This isn't going to work."

"What isn't?"

"Us. A relationship. It isn't going to work out. Not now."

"What are you saying?"

"I think you should go."

"I want you in my life, Caroline. I'm sorry about the other night. I'm sorry I didn't tell you about my plans. Please give me the chance to make it up to you."

"It's too late, Jack. Maybe under different circumstances, if we were at different points in our lives, if we'd met in a different time or place, but it's not going to work. I'm sorry."

"You can't move beyond this?"

"I don't think so."

"What are you so afraid of?" he asked.

Caroline's face flushed. "What the hell are you trying to suggest?"

"Why are you so afraid of being happy?"

"Oh, that's rich. Spare me your armchair psychiatry. Everything was fine until you fucked it all up."

"No, it wasn't," Jack said. "You were always holding something back, always acting unsure of yourself, unsure of us. You might not have noticed it, but I sure as hell did."

"Ever think that was your imagination?"

"No, it wasn't. You were so insecure, no matter what I did. And now you have an excuse to run and you are."

"You lied to me, McIntyre. You made a fool out of me. Or are you forgetting that part?"

"I know I did," he said. "I made a huge, colossal mistake. But that was all you needed to justify walking out the door, wasn't it?"

"It's a pretty good reason. I can't be with someone who doesn't trust me. You can't have love without trust. Don't you dare turn this around on me."

"I should have told you. I know that. But maybe I was afraid that if I did, you'd run away. And look what happened."

"Go ahead and try to rationalize your behavior," Caroline said. "Whatever makes you sleep better at night. Tell me, what exactly was I supposed to do once you were in Harrisburg? Or while you were campaigning? Twiddle my thumbs? Make weekend jaunts up there for booty calls? Pawn my kids off on someone else so we could run away together and abandon our responsibilities? Hide in the shadows while you could have the best of both worlds?"

"Caroline-"

"You don't have an answer. Do you?" she asked furiously.

He stared at the jewelry box on her desk. "I guess I was hoping it would all work itself out."

"Well, it's not going to happen." She turned her back to him. "I really want you to leave."

"I'm sorry, Caroline. I want you to be happy." Jack's voice was very sad. "And maybe I've done too much to go back. But I want to know that we can speak to each other, be in the same room, function in the same space, maybe try to be friends again."

"You'll be gone soon enough and we'll both be fine. Get out of my office."

He tentatively placed his hand on her back. "I can't make you forgive me. I know I don't deserve it, not right now. But what I felt for you was and is real. I don't want you to think I was lying about that."

She shook him off and turned to face him. "I think you should leave, Jack. Good luck with your campaign," she said.

"I love you, Caroline," he murmured. "I'm not going to give up. But I'll leave right now if that's what you want."

When Caroline spoke again her voice was even colder. "It is. Please go."

Jack kissed her on the forehead and she recoiled.

"I'm sorry, sweetheart," he said roughly. "I'll leave you alone from now on."

Caroline kept her head down until she knew he was gone. She glanced over at the small velvet box on her desk. Her eyes started to sting again. She shut the door to her office, leaned against the wall, and began to cry.

# Chapter Twenty-Two

The commute that morning had been terrible. It was snowy and icy, and against her better judgment, Maureen drove instead of taking the Metro. She was now trying to catch up on paperwork, although the exercise seemed rather fruitless. She had informally taken over Bill's position but she knew it was only a matter of time before she was relegated back to her old duties.

She thought of the box hidden under her bed. Of the random items she'd clandestinely assembled. Separately they wouldn't arouse suspicion. Taken together, it wouldn't take a genius to figure out what she had planned. Which was why she would have to wait to do it until the last minute.

There was a forceful knock at her office door and she looked up. The door opened before she even had a chance to respond.

"Colonel Slade," Maureen said.

The man did not look happy. "It's been well over a week. The patient will be discharged into our custody tomorrow."

"On whose order?"

Slade marched up to Maureen's desk and threw a pile of papers on it. "Here's your warrant. And your judicial order. See that Ms. Gerard is ready for transport tomorrow at eleven."

Maureen glanced down at the paperwork. Even if it looked official she knew it was a deception. The rules didn't apply anymore; no matter what the government said, the concept of a neutral and detached magistrate was nonexistent. She smiled anyway.

"Of course, Colonel," she said. "You have abided by our request. Thank you."

Slade frowned at her. "Don't get any ideas."

She feigned innocence. "We have protocols and we expect them to be followed. You've done that, and we'll hold up our end of the bargain."

The colonel cleared his throat. "Reasonable women can always see the light if they're prodded hard enough. I had a feeling you'd be easier to deal with than the old man. Shame about what happened to him." He forced a smile. "We will be back tomorrow morning to collect Ms. Gerard. Good day, Dr. Savage."

"Thank you, Colonel," Maureen said.

* * * * *

"I need you to wean Ms. Gerard off those sedatives," Maureen told Sarah.

"Is everything all right?" Sarah asked.

"Yeah, everything's fine. She's had almost two weeks to recover and it's time to move forward with the next phase of her treatment."

"It might be a while before they clear out of her system." Sarah looked at the clock above the Nurse's Station. "It's noon now. She probably won't wake up until at least late evening."

"That's fine," Maureen said. "Who's working the overnight shift tonight?"

"Nora, I think."

Good. Maureen liked her. And Nora could be trusted. "Fantastic. I'm going to head out a little early today. If I don't see you, have a good weekend."

Sarah smiled. "Thanks."

Maureen headed out the door toward the parking garage. She didn't have much time to work with. God willing, she'd be able to pull this off.

# Chapter Twenty-Three

Her eyes were shut but the light seemed bright. _Heaven_ , Caroline thought. _I'm in heaven_. She had passed out so easily in the cold. Death had been so much easier than she thought it would be. Just like falling asleep.

No, wait. She went to Mass every Sunday but her attention span was marginal at best. She had voted to expand abortion services and access to contraception more than a few times, and had a disturbingly fanatical dedication to her IUD. Her sex life, though largely contained to two marriages, was far more _Penthouse Forum_ than good Catholic girl.

When she married Jack she adjusted her middle class perspective rather quickly and lived large, enjoying all the niceties that came with being fabulously wealthy. She hadn't been to confession in years and had many, many sins to declare. There was no way she'd be able to go straight to heaven unless she was actually right about everything. And she seriously doubted that.

This had to be purgatory. A very high wattage purgatory.

She was laying down. It seemed odd that she wasn't standing. She went through the parochial school file cabinet in her head but couldn't remember a damn thing about the specifics of purgatory. Maybe you just floated horizontally until your state of grace was sufficient enough to go up a few levels.

She'd always been a fidgety sleeper and the same restlessness applied whenever she tried to lay down for any reason. She wasn't quite ready to open her eyes yet but stretching seemed like a good idea. She started to move her arms and discovered she had a limited range of motion. That was odd.

Yawning, she blinked and looked around. It took a minute for her vision to clear, and she realized how thankful she was that Jack had talked her into having Lasik surgery a few years ago. Otherwise, she probably wouldn't have been able to see a damn thing.

She was in a hospital room. There was an IV attached to her left arm. Despite the fuzziness that came from what had to be a heavy dose of some serious sedatives, she was in immense pain.

Her right arm was handcuffed to the bedrail. And she remembered.

* * * * *

Caroline was leaning against the tree, her eyes closed. Part of her was hoping that Jack would come back. She didn't know why she'd made him leave. She didn't want to die alone. But they'd done so much, risked their lives and the lives of their families and friends for so long that it seemed silly for them both to be arrested, or worse. Surrender wasn't an option.

She firmly believed that he had a much better chance of succeeding without her slowing him down. She'd gotten herself into so much trouble over the last few years that it was only a matter of time before her guardian angel flew off her shoulder and moved on to a less frustrating protectee.

She was cold. She'd forgotten to put her gloves back on and now her hands were so frozen that she could barely move them. She knew it would be over soon. She begged God to take her. She felt herself sinking.

The rustling she and Jack heard previously grew louder, and before Caroline knew it the four soldiers were standing above her.

" _Where is he?" one of the men asked, his gun pointed at her head._

She looked up at him. Her mouth remained shut. There was no way she was telling him anything.

Another one of the soldiers kicked at her leg. Caroline took a closer look and recognized him from the raid on their home the day before. His aim had sucked but he still managed to wing her in the leg as she and Jack made a frantic dash to the car.

He noticed the large amount of dried blood surrounding the hole in her pants. "Looks like I got you after all," he said, pressing down on the wound with his boot.

She groaned in pain, suddenly wide awake. The first soldier knelt on the ground next to her, pressing the muzzle of the gun against her cheek. "Where's your husband?" he asked.

" _Who?" she rasped._

He raised the handgun, bringing it down hard onto her face. Her nose spurted blood and she let out a whimper.

" _Tell me!" he barked._

The pain was dreadful. She'd never had anyone hit her in the face before. It pissed her off that this asshole soldier actually had the gall to do it.

" _I don't know who you're talking about," she said._

He hit her again, harder. "Where is he? Where's McIntyre?"

Blood was dripping down from her nose into her mouth and she tried to spit it out. "I don't know who that is," she choked.

He grabbed Caroline by her coat collar and dragged her to her feet, slamming her up against the tree. He brought his arm up against her neck, cutting off her airway. She struggled against him, trying to breathe, and felt herself starting to fall into the dark abyss that she'd almost reached right before they arrived. Caroline heard one of the other men speak.

" _We can't kill her, Sarge. They wanted us to bring them in alive."_

The sergeant relaxed his grip and Caroline gulped for air. He kept her pinned tightly to the tree.

" _Oh, she'll be alive. But she doesn't have to look pretty." He drew his hand back and hit her with the pistol again, then threw her down._

Caroline fell face first into the snow, coughing and sputtering. She struggled to rise to her hands and knees. The sergeant stomped down hard on her back and she cried out in pain, collapsing to the ground. She tried to cover her head to shield herself from any other blows but it didn't work. There were far too many of them and only one of her. The other three soldiers had rifles and their knack for beating the shit out of people with their weapons was much better than their ability to fire them accurately. Tears sprang from her eyes involuntarily as the four men exacted their rage upon her head, her back, her legs, almost every inch of her until she was screaming in agony.

" _I think she got the message," one of them finally said._

The sergeant yanked Caroline up by her hair. Her vision was blurred and she could barely make him out aside from his uniform. But she could tell he and the others had enjoyed themselves. The thought sickened her.

Her gray pea coat was tinged with red, and her eyes were almost swollen shut. Her hair was matted down and her face was smeared with a mixture of blood and tears. The soldiers smiled maliciously, admiring their handiwork.

" _The First Lady of Pennsylvania," the sergeant scoffed. "Not so much of a lady any more, are you?" He backhanded her a final time, and everything went black._

* * * * *

Caroline jerked at the memory. _Fuck_. This definitely wasn't purgatory.

# End of Part One

Caroline's journey is far from over. The stakes are greater and the plot gets heavier in _Conscience_. While _Dissident_ is a mix of steamy romance and romantic suspense, _Conscience_ crosses over into the realm of erotic political thriller.

### Books in The Bellator Saga

_Dissident_ (March 17, 2015)

_Conscience_ (August 17, 2015)

_Sojourn_ (December 7, 2015)

_Phoenix_ (May 2, 2016)

_Rhapsody_ (September 13, 2016)

_Triumph_ (February 6, 2017)

The first three books in the saga are also available in an ebook only box set with bonus material ( _The Bellator Saga: The First Trilogy_ (February 29, 2016)).

Want to stay in the loop for all things Jack and Caroline? Maybe get access to new releases, special bonus scenes, and contests before _anyone_ else? Join my mailing list here: http://bit.ly/LondonMailingList

# Acknowledgments

Thank you to everyone who has supported me on this ride so far, particularly my friends, beta readers and editors, and the book bloggers who took a chance on an unknown and gave me promo spots and granted review requests. I've had these characters in my head for years and was thrilled when I finally found a vehicle for them. You've provided me with the encouragement I needed in order to make this happen. I am grateful that you will continue to be with me as I see this saga through to the end. And THEN I'll mention you by name. If. You're. Lucky. ;)

If you enjoyed this book, please leave a review, and tell your friends! Word of mouth takes indie authors a long way.

You can catch up with me in the following locations if you want to keep up with what's going on with release dates, contests, and other fun stuff.

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