Oh hi there.
So I'm gonna make some guacamole.  Just to kind of test out my GoPro. I thought I lost my GoPro... do you know how small GoPros are?
They're tiny, tiny, tiny little cameras and I moved houses and in the process
The teeny tiny GoPro got put in a big giant box
Which I didn't find it until yesterday
So here we are today getting to use the GoPro and make
guacamole. Why am I making guacamole?
I like what it's guacamole. It's green, It's good. There's no cooking
I know how to do it, even though I do have a recipe. This is my base recipe.
The California Avocado
Association Best Guacamole Ever, and it's pretty simple. You got your avocados
They're recommend three limes.  Which I learned early on is
TOO MANY LIMES, so we're gonna dial that back. Two medium tomatoes chopped.
I like tomatoes
So I'm doubling up on the tomatoes. One medium onion, chopped fine. Ground black pepper.
Salt. Garlic.
Cumin. Cumin, have you ever tried cumin? It's good. It's like taco seasoning, I like.
They also recommend cayenne pepper.
I'm not a big spicy fan, so I don't use it. I just don't put it in there. They also have a pinch of sugar.
I don't think it needs it, so I don't put the pinch of sugar in.
They also have a Serrano chili. No. No. No. If there's not gonna be any cayenne pepper
There's not gonna be any Serrano chili
And then they have the cilantro. Now, for those of you who LIKE cilantro you understand this. For those of you who hate cilantro
"It tases soapy." Don't eat my guacamole. I'm sorry if you don't like cilantro you can also use the basil
I've heard and maybe I'll try that in a future video
Where we use basil instead of cilantro, but today we're gonna use cilantro.
And I'm gonna make some guacamole.
You guys like avocados?
I really like them. You know what I mean. They're a plant. They're healthy and delicious. This is only good fat.
So I say eat your guacamole.
Eat your avocados. They've got vitamins in them
and I'm sure somebody out there can tell
me what those vitamins are. I don't know. They come off a tree though, right?
I mean how bad for you could they be? Anything that comes off a tree
is not gonna be horrible for you. Are they a fruit?
They have a stone in the middle. Which, by the way, is my favorite part of getting an avocado done. The choppy chop,
twist, oh! Look at that!
The other thing about my guacamole is I don't like it pasty. I don't like to do the whole mortar and pestle
thing. Mash it all down and it turns into kind of uh... Have you ever been to Hawaii and had poi? Me neither.
But I've heard about poi. I know it's kind of a pasty dish.
There's one finger poi and two finger poi. One finger poi
is poi, that's so thick you can scoop out a dollop of it and eat your poi that way.
Two finger poi is when the poi is a little bit runnier and you have to use two fingers
Otherwise it'll just, kinda
fall off you're one finger.
So you use two fingers to scoop it up.
But I don't like that consistency. I like a more, almost like a salsa a
salsa guac. Where it's a little bit chunky. You can see all what's in it. It's not like a um...
It's not like a paste. it's not mush.
It's pieces of stuff, that you eat. So in order to achieve my pieces of stuff
I like to just kind of cut them into cubes.
and they don't have to be great 'cause they're gonna get  a LITTLE mushed up. Right?
I mean, it IS guacamole after all. I really like guacamole.
But my husband... does not like guacamole.
He does not like avocado.
Which is unfathomable to me
How can you not avocado?
It's so...
fresh...
and creamy...
and sweet.
It's good. It's so good. He says it's a consistency thing.
Which I kind of get, but
This is the same guy who...
His family introduced me to this
Southern delicacy I guess it is
You guys tell me if you've heard of this. It is a canned pear and then...
...in the little kind of divot
of the pear. So you know, imagine a pear shape
and then this little part of the middle where it's fat at the bottom and inside that divot...
Wait for it.
it's a dollop of mayonnaise.
Mayonnaise
So, it's a canned pear.
Dollop of mayonnaise.
Sprinkle of shredded cheddar on top of it, and served as a side.
I don't get it.
So the guy who will eat that THAT. Happily. Will not eat
My guacamole.  Alright, now. This is a little bit out of order. I put the lime in
now because if you don't
this avocado
would start to brown.
And the lime juice helps it kind of stop browning.
You guys know this trick?
if you put...
some citrus in the microwave for just a couple seconds... and by doing that
You will get more juice out of it when squeeze it over stuff.
I learned that from "The Kitchen" on Food Network.
All right, so this might be all
the lime I put in this.
Half a lime.
Remember the recipe called for THREE limes.
The first time I made the recipe I put three limes in. It was almost
inedible.
I still ate it, but three limes was too much. Alright so now
I'm kind of tumble to get that lime juice all good and distributed and keep it from letting the meat of the avocado oxidize
And you can see it's it's really pretty chunky. It's not paste.
'Cause, No, me gusta paste.
Let's do the tomatoes now. I also do them kind of weird.
I hope you'll bear with me on this. So normally. I like tomatoes.
I'll just eat a tomato like it's an apple.
But
for guacamole, because I like it kind of salsa-y,
and I like it a little bit chunky, I want to get rid of some of the liquid
that's inside these tomatoes. So what I like to do is go in, after I've halved the tomato
and just scoop out all the seeds and the kind of liquidy stuff. But I do love tomato, and I do put way too much of it in this recipe.
That's the nice thing about guacamole though
is, you can really
put whatever you want into it, right?
Know there are probably some guacamole purists going, "No! No Onion! No cilantro! No sugar! No salt!
No, blah, blah, blah."
At some point I would like to make a really, really, really, or learn how to make
a really, really traditional guacamole.
You know? Like, if you want to Mexico City and you ordered guacamole, what would come?
I'm curious.
Let me know if you know. Alright so, again,
These are going to be kinda chunky.  And I could, if I wanted to, go get my chopper thing, and I might do that
Cause that would be faster.
Hold on.
It's just right over here.
And we're back alright
So instead of chopping up all those tomatoes we'll just use this chopper thing.
If you don't have one of these things, you should get one. They're the best thing
In the whole world. They make perfect little chopped up square pieces of whatever the heck you want to put into this little grate.
And they are beautiful and perfect every time.
This is probably kitchen tool we use the most.  There are a couple different sizes...
Oh shit.
I have cut my finger.
All of this is probably contaminated.
But, since I'm the only one who's going to be eating it.
It's only gross. It's not
the grossest thing in the whole world.
That really sucks though. So let's put our tomatoes in.
Yum yum yum.
Bloody finger, gross, gross, gross.
Again no one's eating this but me. I promise.
Okay then the onion.
My knife skills are
A...
...trocious.
I am not
good
at chopping things.
Which is why I have a little choppy thing.
Do you know the trick about if onions to make you dry and then cut them what to do?
You're supposed to, light a candle near where you are cutting the onions.
And doing that will prevent you from crying.
When you cut onions.
Allegedly.
I have tried it.
Unsuccessfully.
Maybe you'll have better luck.
I don't know.
And you can see now things are kind of coming together and again, this is going to be a very chunkily,
clunkily,
guac.
It's not gonna be a paste.
Garlic. Well, the recipe says...
"Two cloves of garlic. Minced."
I say...
Let's do one and see how we're feeling about it.
This video is gonna suck.
And the reason it's not gonna be good is:
I have a bloody finger.
I'm 40 pounds overweight.
My kitchen is a mess.
And, my knife skills suck.
So, I don't know what you're learning. From watching this.
Nothing really.
Who's gonna eat all this guacamole you ask.
'Cause I can't serve it to anyone.
Not with a bloody finger.
I'm going to eat all of it.
Here's our cilantro.
"It tastes so soapy."
Alright, well then don't put it in.
I don't know what else to tell you.
But I just think it tastes so clean, and fresh and bright.
And that's probably enough of that.
A little shake of cumin.
A little shake, not much.
We're eyeballin' it today.
Ground pepper. Not very much
Salt. Again, barely any.
I just don't think it needs it.
I don't want to adulterate my flavors.
The sad part is, I'm not going to take a bite of this on camera because
you guys would be like, "You weird self-vampire.
That's disgusting."
What I'll do is throw all this out
If it's contaminated, that's gross, so we'll just chuck it in the bin.
Okay now here's the part where... remember I told you I don't like it mushy.
I like it very, uh, kinda chunky.
It's at this stage
where I do allow
some mushing.
to occur.
I'll allow it.
Now I just get in here with a fork and I just mash, mash, mash, mash.
Yeah.
Look how pretty that is. C'mon.
COME ON!
Alright, guys, that is basically my guacamole.
Just for presentation.
Yeah.
That's the stuff.
That is bloody good. oh...
Sorry.
Alrighty y'all
Guacamole!
Oh, AND...
My other little secret.
I like a blue corn chip.
Look how nicely it sets off the green and the red.
And see how it's cut chunky and a little bit dry it's not pasty
Mmm, hmmm.
OK y'all. that's my guacamole story.
But uh, if you come back another time, we'll twist it up or do something different, OK? Thanks.
