

# Twist of Faith

Kelly A. Purcell

Copyright 2013 Kelly A. Purcell

Thank you for downloading this e-book. This book remains the copyrighted property of the author, and may not be redistributed to others for commercial or non-commercial purposes. If you enjoyed this book, please encourage your friends to download their own copy from their favourite authorized retailer. Thank you for your support.

This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places and incidents are either the product of the author's imagination or are used fictitiously, and any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, business establishments, events or locales is entirely coincidental.

Cover Photo © Oscar Williams (www.Dreamstime.com)

Scripture used in this book has been taken from the King James Version.

Prologue

"Lights out!"

The bright stream of lights overhead went out with a quick hum, and silence ensued. The dripping of the broken sink next to their bunk seemed to have grown louder in the quiet, a prisoner's lullaby. James folded his arms behind his head to further cushion the lumpy pillow, looking up at the mattress over him; he could make out the other guy's shape on the bed by the way the rusted springs bent around his frame. It would not be long again, before he would sit up against the wall and start muttering to himself as he had been doing for the past few nights.

"Heavenly father, thank you, thank you for forgiving me, thank you God..."

James closed his eyes, listening to every word, as he had started doing since the night before. He was a quiet young man with a calm gait and bright eyes; in a place like this, people noticed.

"Lord watch over Mike tonight, and Nicole and Alex and Sherry... you are my God, you call me your child, I know that you care about my family...."

James' eyes shot open as he heard the papers flitter to the ground, he noticed that the praying had stopped, and from the shape in the mattress, that his cell mate was moving. He removed his make shift light from below his pillow and flicked it on, so he could see the papers scattered on the floor. He picked them up and curiously looked them over; he could hear him holding his breath above him.

"Who is the girl?" James asked, looking intently at the tiny picture that had fallen with the papers.

"My sister," he replied, his tone unreadable.

"Pretty girl. That's who you pray for?"

The shape in the mattress shifted, "Not just her."

James lifted the papers to him, holding them up until he had pulled them from his fingers, "you spelled redemption wrong," he said.

"Thanks, I'll look it up."

The silence enveloped them again. James did not like it.

"You really believe in this Jesus thing nuh?"

He did not respond immediately, the pause so long James thought he would never respond to him, then he said, "more than I ever thought I would."

"Why?"

There was another dramatic pause.

"Because even while I lived I was dead, and then I heard that pastor that comes every week talk about this man who is able to give me life. Jesus who is all man and all God, suffered a cruel death so that I wouldn't have to, I just knew it was true. Now I know that I am truly alive, because I knew what it was to be dead, to be empty, to have no regard for my life or anyone else's."

James pursed his lips, folding his arms behind his head again.

"What would you do if you found out that you were dying?" his cell mate asked.

James sighed, twisting his lips, "I'd try to find a way to live, and if not make peace with those I hurt," he replied.

"Jesus said in Matthew chapter ten and verse thirty-nine that whoever finds his life will lose it, and whoever loses his life for my sake will find it. What do you think about that?"

"I don't know," he replied.

There was a moment of silence again, James squirmed in his bed, there was a wayward spring poking him in the back. He looked at the shape in the mattress above him.

"Tell me about your family."

1

Run Gyal Run!

She dashed past Raymond s auto shop, skidded on the trail of gravel that lined the narrow road and fell flat on her behind. She sat there for a moment, dazed. Feeling the sharp stones painfully press into her posterior. Then she heard it; the clanging sound of heavy chains dragging on the cracked road, the slobbery breathing and the heavy hurried footfall of the untamed pit bull.

With wide eyes, she turned to face the huge dog, now bearing its sharp teeth. Folding back a mouth, wet with anticipation, it lowered its large body like a lion preparing to pounce.

"Oh come on," she cried, choking back a self pitying sob.

She shot to her feet, skidding on the gravel before she found her footing and dashed off again. Using her fear to propel her forward as she pelted down the narrow side street that ran through her small neighbourhood, flanked by leaning galvanized sheds, shops and dilapidated houses.

She hurried through Mr. Bruno's large yard, passed his chicken coups, the field of water grass that was once the drain and the old rusting fridge, with vines crawling out of it like veins. It was here that two mangy dogs, made of skin, bone and teeth joined the chase, adding their high pitched bark to the hungry growl of the mixed breed pit bull thing, gaining on her at a slow, steady pace, like a heartbeat. She shot pass the wooden shop, with the wire mesh for windows and telephone wire reels for tables. A place that never had enough of the essentials but was always stocked with enough bottles of intoxicating liquor, to supply the neighbourhood with enough abuse and cutlass wars to keep newcomers away.

It was only three in the evening and the regulars were already too drunk to find the chase anything but entertaining.

"Whoo hooo, run gyal run!" they called gaily, waving their bottles and shot glasses as she shot by, as though being chased by blood thirsty animals, was some sort of sport these days.

Alex was tired now, she could feel the burn in her calves, the ache in her untrained ankles, but she couldn't stop. She'd heard the story of how her neighbour's ankle had to be removed from the frothing dog's jaw. It was still attached of course, but still quite disturbing to think about presently.

She was closer to home now and that gave her some comfort. Despite their boldness and rage, dogs always knew their boundaries. She glanced over her shoulder as she turned into the dirt road that led to her house, and seeing no sign of them stopped and bent forward, holding her knees with her hands, trying to catch her breath.

Life is like that sometimes. You spend an eternity running from something that has always been capable of outrunning you, and when your strength is all spent, you depend on laws and boundaries to save you. But what happens when, laws and boundaries are completely disregarded, when what is expected isn't what happens at all? The moment when you breathe a sigh of relief, thinking you're finally safe, and then you feel the breath of your pursuer on the back of your calves poised and ready for the final assault. Alex swore, her breathing, now short gasps. She shut her eyes, waiting for the dreaded moment when the cruel canine would sink its sharp teeth into her tender calves.

But instead of the sound of teeth gnawing flesh, she heard a struggle, a loud thud, wounded yelp and opened her eyes to a cloud of dust. As the dust dissipated, she noticed her rescuer; a tall, dark and slender stranger with his hands shoved into his pockets.

He stood erect, looking down at her. His cap was pulled so low over his eyes, that all she could see was his bland frown and the crooked tip of his nose with a scar over the bridge of it. She could swear she'd seen him before, but the location and occasion evaded her at the moment, and she could only stare.

"Hi," he said.

Alex pursed her lips then extended a hand toward him, "thanks."

He reached out and took her hand gently in his large calloused one, and lifted his head so that she could see his eyes; dark shaded pools, framed by a strong forehead and bushy dark eye brows, peered boldly into her own eyes.

"Angel Moore?" he said, his voice was at that same levelled growl.

Frowning, she withdrew her hand; "actually everyone calls me Al..." she started.

"I'll see you Angel," he interrupted, smiling; a quick curving of tight lips, before he turned and hurried back onto the main road.

Once the stranger disappeared Alex turned and hurried toward her house, how did he know her name? Her house was the only painted wall structure among the cluster that made up the dirt road posse. The drivable road ended a couple yards away from the last house, and the narrow dirt road trickled down into a track that led to the capital.

As she made her way toward the house, the neighbour's curtain shifted slightly and she spied a spectacled eye peering out at her; this was Grenada, you didn't balk at an inquisitive neighbour, you said hello. She continued walking. She'd lived here all of her life and up until eight years ago, it was probably her most favourite place in the world. Not that there weren't snooping neighbours, brawls and the smell of marijuana drifting into her window every night then, it was just that her father was there, he made everything just right, back then she was Angel. Now she just lived here, hating every moment of what her life had become; now she was just Alex, Sherry Moore's last daughter.

She entered the house, cautiously casting furtive glances over her shoulder, before she closed the door, despite the fact that Antonio's truck wasn't parked out front; she'd been fooled like that before. Michael, her older brother, was sprawled on the couch, one leg thrown over one chair arm, the other resting on the floor, and his head resting on the other arm of the couch. His shoulder length locks, thrown over the knitted throw pillows, as he stuffed greasy potato chips into his mouth, his eyes glued to the blaring Television screen.

"I thought you went to work," she said as she dropped her school bag at the foot of the chair and sat down with a sigh.

Wiping his hands on his torn jeans, Michael glanced over at her.

"Don't have to go today," he said and turned back to the T.V. Alex reached for the shiny yellow bag in his hand and he snatched it from her angrily.

"Not my chips!" he warned.

"Oh come on Mike!"

He shook his head and drew the bag to his chest protectively, "didn't you cook this morning?"

"And wha' happen to you skirt?" he asked.

"Mrs. Dawn's ugly pit bull, chased me again," she said, trying to shake the dust from it.

Michael snorted, spewing bits of wet chips onto the floor and centre table, before he erupted in laughter.

"Classic!" he spat.

Alex narrowed her eyes at him, "it wouldn't be so funny if I had come home in shreds," she mumbled.

"Please," he said, "that's not a pit bull, just a well fed mixed breed pot hung."

Alex rolled her eyes.

The kitchen was in the exact condition as she'd left it that morning to go to school. The breakfast dishes were piled into one side of the double basin stainless steel sink, over which flies were now gleefully bouncing. While the partially opened pipe, tapped out a very untimely tune. It seemed to tap out tauntingly, just... for... you... left it ... just... for you.

She reached out and took the stiff head, grunting as she tightened it, until the dripping stopped, then she turned to survey the state of the kitchen. The counter was littered with dustings of powdered milk from which two annoyed flies arose, brushing her nose as they flew past her. There were two cups standing side by side, one with a drain of milk, the other with two pieces of re-used spice bark.

She undid her tie, tossed it on the rickety dining chair, and started to pack away the dried dishes into the overhead cupboards. It only had two saucers, a cup – Alex and her sister's breakfast dishes – and a red flick knife. It was the one she'd dug up the other night from Antonio's acquired store room, at some cost to her unfortunately. Her stomach heaved at the thought. She picked up the knife and turned it over; it was a faded red with the initial D.R engraved on its handle. She shook it out but it didn't budge, so she dripped a bit of cooking oil into it and tried to open it again. This time, a surprisingly shiny blade emerged. Smiling, she flicked it closed and opened it again, then put it down on the counter, and turned back to the dishes.

Alex was hunched over the sink, humming the hymn she'd learned at school as she laboured over a blackened pot, when the side door swung was opened and a gust of cool evening wind, forced itself into the warm kitchen.

She turned slowly, and the colour drained from her cheeks at the sight of the thin figure standing in the door way, with the pink, flaming orange of dusk as his halo.

"Antonio," her voice quivered as the hated name rolled off her tongue, "I didn't hear you come up."

"I was in the shed," he replied, in a voice as oily as the paint he mixed for a living, "left early today, hoping we could have some time together. You know, me and you, get to know each other better..." he wiggled is thick, black eye brows.

Alex swallowed hard, feeling her knees weaken with fear as Antonio made his way toward her, slinking like a snake, eyeing her like a wolf eyes its prey.

"Your mother, she's not home yet, nuh?"

Alex could feel the heat rising to her face, as her heart thumped out the red alert code.

"Michael's home!" she replied, with a clarity that contradicted her current emotional state, and she took a step backward.

"Michael? He will not distract us."

It scared her to know that he was right. With that T.V on so loud; that bag of chips and a comfortable position, it was unlikely that Michael would come to her rescue. What exactly did he have in mind? Her mind was racing.

"I don't understand, what do you want from me?" Alex blurted, gripping the counter edge like a life line.

He looked at her with a confused frown, and then he smiled. His brown, weather beaten face seemed to crack up like parched land in the dry season.

"Don't be confused it is very natural for a man to be... liking a woman" he crooned, easing toward her again as she sidled away from him against the counter edge.

Antonio smiled playfully and made a funny face at her. Alex frowned, was this some kind of game to him? Why couldn't she have a typical day? A typical life?

"Antonio, I can't deal with this. You have to stop messing with me like this. I'm not interested." she pleaded.

He lifted his hand to her face, and the smell of kerosene and wood drifted to her already scrunched up nose. She turned away and her gaze fell on the red handled flick knife, resting on the side of the plastic wares rack, mere inches from her fingers.

"Relax sweet heart, there are things that you need to learn, things that I can teach you, you'll thank me..." he was saying.

Alex looked at him sharply, and then at the red, bruised knife beckoning to her. She drew her lips into a thin line of determination. Antonio was slowly leaning toward her now, his eyes trained intently on her face as he lifted his hand to stroke her cheek, this was probably her first and only window of opportunity.

"Are you willing to learn?"

He was mere inches away from her, when she quickly reached behind her, in an instant it all flashed before her. She didn't just think of Antonio's pathetic attempt to hurt her, but every other heartless monstrosity her mother chose to bring into this house.

Other than their much appreciated material bounty, these men all brought with them an expe2rience for the young girl who grew up between them like a weed forcing itself through the crack in a stone pavement. Curiously reaching up to the sunshine they all worshipped. There was the hardware store clerk, who had traumatized her with his perversion; the grumpy carpenter who hated children and loved to hear the sound of her cries at the mercy of his leather belt. He was the one who'd left her with a crooked finger and corrupt impression of men and then Antonio, the Cuban house painter. It had started slowly, with tiny gifts and warm smiles across the dinner table and gradually grew into inappropriate conversations and beady eyed stares. On several unnerving occasions, Alex had gotten up to find him looking down at her with that hungry, depraved expression on his brown face.

She remembered the numerous nights she went to sleep with dread, curling up behind her sister.

She thought of the tumultuous thoughts that plagued her during her favourite classes, how poems of oppression and fear during literature chilled her to the bones, how equations and abrasive mixtures gave her vengeful, murderous thoughts.

She shook her head, her eyes bright with determination, and without allowing reason to disrupt the swift motion of her arms, lifted the blade above her head and drew it down the length of his weathered face. His agonized scream, tore through her thoughts and she jerked involuntarily, looking down at him in awe as he sunk to his knees, wailing as he gripped the bleeding gash on his face.

Antonio's smile dropped from his face, his desert cracks fading.

"Alex! What you doing?"

Her sister Nicole was standing at the arch separating the living room from the kitchen, with her mouth agape in shock. She imagined that when Nicole had walked into the room, the last thing she'd expected to see was her younger sister holding a bloody flick knife over a wailing man.

"Quick Nicole help me. The child gone mad!" Antonio called; his eyes wide and convincingly moist with tears of fear and surprise.

"Don't even think about lying to her," she growled.

"She's right, don't bother," Nicole said as she made her way toward them.

"Alright Alex, I know and am here, there's no need for that. Give me the knife."

Michael came charging in, "what the hell?"

He looked over at Alex questioningly, then at the bleeding man on the ground, "what you do dey?" he asked; his voice unusually high.

"Just gave him a taste of his own medicine, scarred him for life. Mom wasn't gonna do anything about it, and I sure wasn't gonna let him have his way in this house, not with me."

She was unbelievably calm, save for the slight tremor in her voice. Michael frowned, shook his head, then reached for Antonio and jerked him to his feet.

"You know what, I think your license has expired," he pulled him toward him then shoved him back.

Antonio staggered then stopped, he glared at the three of them, "you people are crazy! All of you, a bunch of bastards and I can see why."

As he turned to the door, it swung open and Sherry-Ann Moore stepped in. Dressed in jeans and a floral blouse she looked amazing as always, a tall, slender and confident woman, with cocoa skin, sloe eyes, heavy with eyeliner and shadowed red, her perfectly puckered lips, red and shiny above a defiant chin.

She regarded the scene silently, and her children watched as it came together in her mind. They could see the storm cloud forming in her dark eyes. She looked over at Antonio and frowned. He stood immobile, still holding onto his face, the blood that had seeped between his fingers now drying in the shape of veins.

"What going on here?" she asked.

"He was just leaving," Michael replied.

His sisters glanced over at him proudly; they knew the amount of guts it took to talk to Sherry like that. Sherry only looked at Antonio, the corner of her lips slowly curling with scorn, as the man looked up at her with pleading eyes.

"Your children..." he started.

Sherry lifted a freshly manicured hand; she turned to Alex and held the chilled gaze of the child who truly believed she'd betrayed her.

"Clean up this mess!" she growled, "and Antonio, get out of me house."

When she disappeared behind her bedroom door, Michael looked back at Alex and Nicole and laughed.

"Oh man, best break up ever!" but they didn't share his humour; they looked back at him like stoic statues.

Alex looked at Nicole, "She didn't even ask me what happened."

Nicole patted her on the shoulder and smiled, "it don't matter, we took care of it, ain't it?"

Alex shrugged turning over the blade in her hand, the sliver of blood on its edge already drying, "Don't we always."

2

My Rib

Reuben picked up his back pack and dashed down the stairs to the pastor's office, he tapped twice and entered.

"Just dropping off the reports for mom," he said hurriedly, as he dropped the pile of folders onto the already cluttered desk and turned to leave again.

"Well hold on a moment," Pastor Roberts called.

Reuben turned around, and edged toward the desk once more, his fingers fidgeting with his bag strap anxiously. The burly man, with the receding hair line and perceptive eyes, removed his glasses and looked up at him, a knowing smile playing on his lips.

"Relax boy, she will be waiting for you."

Reuben grinned, hiking his bag up on his shoulder, "I know; I just can't wait. It feels like ages since I've last seen her. She's everything I could have ever wanted Pastor, beautiful, faithful and so talented," he said dreamily.

Pastor Roberts nodded, "uh huh, that's what you keep saying," he said with a smile.

"And it's true. I've told you how I've prayed for the woman of my dreams, someone I could settle down with, the mother of my children, a supportive partner in the ministry God's aligned for me," he explained excitedly, his eyes bright with passion and vision.

The grey bearded man nodded again, "just don't do anything foolish. God is a loving God, he provides and blesses his people. But he is also a God of wisdom and timing. Your timing might not be his, your dreams might not be either, just continue to seek him Reuben, and please wait. If she's the woman you've always prayed for she'll be around in the next couple years. You know, after you finish college and have a means of providing for her?" Reuben grinned, "sure Pas, I get it. I do plan to wait, any other way and my mother would kill me."

The Pastor burst out in laughter and waved him off, "get out of here boy."

He was sitting in the waiting area, moping over his cellular. He knew her plane had arrived; he'd been sitting there for hours watching people file out of the doors and run toward their loved ones. He'd seen the kissing couples, the swinging couples, the screaming couples, the excited children and the surprised grandparents, tugging at their young firm cheeks, but he couldn't see her.

He sighed and looked about him once more, then dialled his friend's number.

"Hey man, what you doing calling me for. Take the girl out, spend some quality time together," came the quirky voice after a couple rings.

"That's the thing man, she's not here."

"What you mean she's not there, her plane landed more than two hours ago..."

"I'll call you back Craig, am getting another call."

He immediately switched lines, "hello."

"Reuben baby," came the familiar voice, smooth like velvet, soothing like the caring caress he'd missed so much.

Breaking out into a big excited grin, he took a moment to still his racing heart, "hey, wow I was starting to worry. Where are you?" he asked, looking about him for the familiar figure.

She sighed deeply into the phone, "I'm still in New York."

"What?" he removed the phone from his ear and looked at the screen, then put it back again, all the excitement now gone from his face. He was pink with panic, his brows drawn in a confused frown.

"How so? You said..."

"I know what I said, I just... I had some stuff to do."

He got up and paced, running his fingers through his short woolly curls. "I just wanted to see you, how could you jerk me around like that? You're gonna take another flight?"

There was a nerve wracking pause on the other end, long enough for him to start sweating cold. Suddenly his shirt was too tight and the waiting area was too crowded.

"Reuben, I have something I need to talk to you about..."

"Forget that, let's talk about the matter at hand, when are you going to come? I miss you Lisa, Jeez baby I've been looking forward to this for so long."

"No Reuben," her voice was crisp with annoyance, "It's important that we talk about this now, we have to."

As he stood there, holding the phone to his ear, his palms dripping with sweat, his mind blanked out. Not even a prophetic word could prepare him for what he was about to hear, neither could he even begin to imagine it. His faith in her was too strong to be penetrated by anyone other than herself.

"It's over Reuben, I can't do this anymore."

Reuben lay in the cold darkness, top less and crying. It was the early hours of the morning. The faint light from the full moon streamed into the bedroom giving everything an ashy, silver hint. The icy wind drifting through the partially opened window, nipped at his naked upper body, but he couldn't feel it. He couldn't care about feeling anything other than the pain losing the girl of his dreams rendered, it was like his world had lost all colour, now that she had withdrawn herself from his life.

He'd gone over it several times, from the first time they met to that last tragic overseas phone call and he still couldn't figure out what he'd done wrong. Everything about her was perfect, and there was no doubt in his mind that she was the one for him; his future wife, the mother of his babies, his rib. He sighed and turned onto his side, feeling awfully pathetic yet unable to draw himself from this emotional stupor. Her cruel words still echoed in his mind and he couldn't help wondering how correct she might be, maybe he wasn't as serious about God as he needed to be, or else this would've never happened.

As though on cue, his phone, resting on his dresser, started to spin and beep incessantly. He turned to his side and sniffed, looking at it in thoughtful dismay. He knew who it was, he knew what it was about and it depressed him even more.

How was he supposed to go to early morning prayers in this state? He couldn't think of anyone but her, how sad was it, that he couldn't even finish dressing without thoughts of her interrupting him. In that same instant he realised how selfish his thoughts were and it bugged him. He'd always been a faithful Christian. He went to church, went to all the relevant and sometimes not so relevant meetings, was faithful in prays and evangelism, and he tried his best each day to grow in his faith and to please God. This led him to think about his current situation again, wasn't he doing enough? She did say he wasn't focused enough for her, focused on what? Now he couldn't help wondering if this wasn't some test he was being subjected to, maybe God wanted more of him, he knew she sure did.

He got up and went to the phone, as he picked it up, it stopped vibrating in his hands and 1 missed call flashed across the screen. He sighed and reached for a shirt, just as the door opened and his mother peeped in, still in her night gown and crown of colourful rollers.

"Ruby?" she stepped in and switched on the lights.

"I know ma, am almost ready," he said.

She came in and leaned against the dresser with a worried frown on her sleep softened face.

"You alright Reu?"

Reuben looked up at her, his foot lifted to put on his shoe. He sighed, "I'll be fine."

She nodded without any sign of conviction, "okay. Craig is outside."

"What? Why didn't you tell me that?" he said with a hint of annoyance, jumping up and snatching his bible up from the bed.

Mrs. Clark smiled at him, "I was about to, but you said you knew."

He chuckled and leaned down to peck her on the cheek, "see you later Ma."

"I should've left yuh tail," Craig grumbled when Reuben climbed into the car.

"Sorry man."

"Just make sure you get your car out of the garage soon, cause I not picking you up no more."

Reuben chuckled, "sure, as soon as my dad pays the bill."

They drove in silence for a while, until Craig finally built up the courage to broach the subject, Reuben knew he was itching to talk about.

"So how you holding up?" he asked.

Reuben shrugged, "I'll be fine" he muttered, his punch line of the week.

"Yeah right," Craig said, in that matter of fact way he had.

Reuben looked over at him, "I'm not gonna bleed my heart out for everyone that asks man."

Craig nodded, "sure, but I not everyone. I's your boy, you know that."

Reuben sighed, "yeah that's right. I just don't know what to do about it man, or how to say how I feel or whatever..."

"Now you making me uncomfortable," Craig said, as he pulled into the church yard.

There were only two other vehicles there, and the lights in the church were already on, with people already standing for prayer.

Craig parked and looked over at Reuben, "you know what you need? You need something to take your mind off Lisa"

Reuben nodded, "I think you're right. I was thinking that maybe this is all supposed to happen, that maybe I was a little too into her and that made me focus less on... you know, God. And so I have to prove that I can be dedicated to him again and then maybe he'll give her back to me or she'll probably notice that I'm really trying and..." he trailed off with a sigh.

Craig shrugged, "I was thinking more like fishing, but guess you can take that road."

"You don't agree with me," Reuben said in an insulted tone.

Craig looked thoughtful for a moment, "Nope, no I don't..."

"What?"

"Naw man, listen. The reason y'all broke up is cause Lisa's miles away, and on top of that, you're two very different people, wanting different things, y'all are not meant for each other. Most importantly God can't make her love you."

Reuben looked at him in disbelief and hurt, "No, Lisa is... she's perfect. She's talented and so, so anointed man. You're right, about one thing, just like she said, she's in a different place than me."

"Perfect? Perfect for who? No one's perfect. Man is a load of... nothing – nothing, that's a good replacement right? Anyway what am saying is we're not perfect, none of us, we try to be yes, but we're not and for you to say she's perfect is... is... blasphemy!"

"What?

"Ok sorry, maybe not blasphemy but something in that range. I am new to this, the concepts sometimes escape me," he sighed and shook his head, "you know what, just think about it alright, don't go trying anything stupid."

Reuben nodded, "I hear you man, but I think I'm right."

He took a moment before he came out of the vehicle, secretly he dreaded going in. It wasn't just what the people would say; the words of encouragement that he wanted to escape, but the thought of kneeling before God right now, when he was so sore about his situation, it sunk him with guilt.

"Are you Reuben?"

He jumped and turned in the direction of the low baritone, the figure leaning against the wall didn't move and for a moment, Reuben was a bit spooked.

"Who's asking?" he asked, straightening his back and narrowing his eyes at the hooded statue in the shadows.

The shadow unfolded his arms and sauntered toward him, until the light from the church fell on the lower part of his face, revealing broad lips and a crooked nose, the hood of his sweater hiding his eyes.

"Well are you?" he asked, his voice rich with impatience.

Reuben regarded him for a moment, he didn't know him and he had a tendency to maintain his guard when meeting strangers in the early hours of the morning, whether or not they knew his name. But surprisingly he was not afraid of the hooded figure standing before him.

"I am," he replied finally.

The stranger nodded, "good. I heard you were looking for a bass player," he said, removing his hood.

Reuben and Craig had a small gospel band that they operated at the downstairs of his house. It wasn't much, but they had fun together, mostly because they all loved music so much.

Recently their bass player had left for studies in China and they'd been looking for a replacement, no one was supposed to know except the people at their church.

Usually, Reuben didn't take on anyone that he didn't know or didn't attend his church, but he had a good feeling about this guy.

_God, I hope I don't regret this_ , he prayed, "Are you any good?"

The stranger smiled, "I'll let you decide."

3

The New Specimen

Alex sat up in bed, her eyes blurry and moist from tormented sleep; the bed sheets tangled about her legs like prison bonds. She stared blankly at a spot on the wall. Remnants of the dream still clung to her like the wet leaves did, when she used to go skating under her grandmother's nutmeg trees in the country. It was the same dream she'd been having since the day her father had left. It would start with that buried memory of being pushed into the air and feeling so utterly free, like nothing in the world mattered; it was a point in her life when there was nothing else she wanted to do but fly.

But then the dream always took an odd turn, reminding her of the loss and the coldness of reality, where human beings couldn't fly and fathers disappointed. She always woke up frightened and missing him more, wishing he was here and hating her subconscious for its vicious reminder of her loss. But she missed it every time she didn't wake up scared and longing for her father. The father who had always called her his Angel, who acted like the world revolved around his only daughter.

Sometimes she could imagine her father speaking with her, sometimes she would close her eyes and she could see him as vivid and as alive as on the last day she'd seen him. One would think that after eight years, a child would reject that loyalty for bitterness. One would think that imagination would lose its appeal and that a girl of fifteen would soon come to terms with the fact, that the present existence of her father was based on her own imagination. Any other way, and her idea of what is real and unreal would have become meshed, locking her into a world without margins. But Alex was not confused, in fact she had accepted the fact that her father only existed to her now, in her head. She was just holding on because there was nothing else to hold onto.

No one else seemed to recall the dark haired, blue eyed man with the thick British accent and the sputtering motor cycle. Always with a battered guitar that seemed permanently strapped to his back, the man with the quick smile, slow temper, and rabid appreciation for poetry and philosophies of success; who had been her axis from birth.

Most children her age had been grown up by dolls, action figures and puppet shows, but she grew up with the famous words of Goethe, Thoreau, Church hill and all the other famous minds of history. Still lodged in her mind, was Goethe's 'Whatever you can do or dream, you can begin it. Boldness has genius, power and magic in it...' and she did believe and apply it to her life. Holding on to a childish fantasy and living within the bounds of imagination, was a choice Alex had made, in relation to her father's belief that dreams and imagination were the beginning of every great achievement.

She dropped back onto her pillow with a sigh and looked up at the corrugated metal roofing, now splotchy and spotted with rust and dents. She lifted her hand, and shoved it under the pillow behind her head, wiggling her fingers until she felt the cool handle of her knife. She wrapped her fingers around it, and closed her eyes, feeling her father's initials embedded on the body. It had been a tough eight years without him and she was just beginning to get the handle of dealing with it on her own.

"What you still doing in bed gurl!" came her sister's upbraiding voice.

Alex turned lazily and looked up at her, "girl I tired nuh," she muttered.

"Whatever Alex, you're gonna be late for school," Nicole said, as she dropped her shoulder bag on the floor next to the dresser and started to remove her work shirt.

"Trust me, you don't know anything about tiredness until you've worked all night at that crappy hotel," she fumed.

Alex groaned, as she crawled out of bed and stretched.

"You chose it remember, if you don't like it just quit," she replied.

Nicole arched both eye brows at her, "I love you Al, but we live in two very different worlds. I live in the world of the cold hard reality and you..." she turned and picked up Alex's biology book and shook out the university brochures hidden between the pages, onto the bed, "you still live in the world of fantasy. I guess depending on how you look at it, that could be a good thing."

Alex looked down at the shiny brochures on the bed, frowning at the way her sister stomped on her dreams. But Nicole was usually like that after a hard night's work, so Alex allowed herself to take comfort in the hope that, she would probably tell her later how great it is that she had big dreams.

"Get cracking nuh!"

She jumped out of bed and dashed out of the room to get ready.

Alex arrived at school five minutes before the bell rang, signalling the start of school. She was still tugging at her freshly tied tie on her crisp, white shirt, self consciously patting her haphazard bun. School really did excite her and not because it was the one place her mother couldn't get to her, but because she absolutely loved learning, just like she remembered her father did. Her one and only friend Nicka, fell into step with her and looped her arm through hers.

"So how was your night, you got all Ms. Burns homework done?" she asked in her mousy voice that would otherwise have been annoying if it wasn't for the airy way she always spoke.

"I did, and I managed to study for that test we have after lunch," Alex replied proudly.

"Wow! I don't know how you do it," she waved to a passing girl, then turned back to Alex.

"Alex you're way too smart to not sign up for the Science scholarship, I really believe you can get it," she said.

Alex shrugged, "don't you think I want to, I got a letter from Mr. Matthews to give to mom. It's still lying on her dressing table," she replied with a resigned sigh.

"Make sure she reads it Alex, that could be your ticket out of here," Nicka persisted, then with a toss of her neatly braided singles, reaching almost halfway down her back said, "I haven't even gotten around to studying; I might do some cramming during lunch."

"I can help if you'll like," said Alex.

"Would I like?" Nicka gave her a ridiculous wide eyed look, and Alex laughed.

They walked into class and Alex dropped her bag on her desk, as Nicka slid into the seat next to hers.

"Guess who called me last night," she started; her eyes seemed to dance.

"Who?" she asked, partially interested, as she started removing her books from her bag.

"Oh come on Al, it's not fun if I just tell you," Nicka rolled her eyes, "come on guess," she urged.

Alex looked over at her with an exasperated roll of the eyes.

"Robbie?" she finally asked.

Nicka giggled and pulled her chair closer to Alex's, "it was crazy. When Terry told me I had a phone call I thought it was you or one of the girls, but then there was his voice, so deep, so manly..." she was staring up at the cracked ceiling with a dreamy look in her almond shaped eyes.

Alex said nothing; she continued to unpack her bag, making the extra effort to stack them in order of time of use, she really did not care about Nicka's new crush.

They were very close but very different. Alex wanted nothing out of life than to be successful, leave home and find her father, but Nicka seemed to be only interested in the simple pleasures of life; the food, the clothes, the parties and the little extra on the side, the boys.

"Alex when are you gonna step out there?"

Alex rolled her eyes, "I have better things to think about, more important things," she replied.

Nicka reached up and smoothed the front of her friends hair, "look at you, you're hot! You've got the best of two races; the gold streaked bush fire you call hair, the smooth spice coloured skin, oh and your most appealing quality, those dazzling grey eyes."

Alex expected her to start singing the best of both worlds from The Hannah Montana show, she did stuff like that. She didn't. Instead she continued with her evaluation, making Alex blush and cringe sporadically.

"I see the way guys look at you," Nicka continued, "and then you open your mouth and start talking about the state of the economy or alloys, or some stupid equation you figured out, and my personal disaster, the quotes from poets and dramatists, and then they just drift away," she made a dramatic drifting motion with her hands, "That is, if you don't curse them off in French for looking at you too hard, then they run away screaming, forever traumatized by beautiful girls like you."

Alex glared at her, "I'm not that pitiful, those boys are just too immature to understand the value of good conversation."

Nicka shook her head and eased back onto her chair, "oh I just remembered. I saw your mom yesterday," she said as she absently filed her nails.

Alex grunted, disinterestedly.

"Yeah, she was talking to Mr. Thomas. They looked real cosy standing together by the produce section in the super market. The funny part though, was the look on his face, he was so smitten. Your mom, is a boss!"

Alex looked up with wide panicked eyes, "Oh no,' she groaned.

"Speak of the devil," whispered Nicka, as a tall dark man entered the class room.

"Good morning girls," he greeted, "bonjour," he seemed to have addressed the whole class but was looking pointedly at Alex, as though they shared some secret. Alex hunched down in her seat, "oh boy."

Mr. Thomas was young and quite handsome; at a point most of the girls had a major crush on him. Starting from the first time he entered their fourth form class speaking fluent French. But time and the heavy workload of most fourth formers, soon eliminated that notion. Besides he turned out to be just like any other teacher; demanding, annoying and now that they were in fifth form, just plain old.

"So we're gonna go right into class this morning, I hope you guys have been practicing your situations."

Alex looked down at her feet, trying to catch her breath, and she briefly imagined getting up every morning and finding this young French teacher in her kitchen, or on the couch, cuddling with her mother and it made her weak with dread, this wasn't good, this wasn't good at all.

"What happen Al?" Nicole asked coolly. She was standing at the stove stirring a pot of soup. Alex looked up from her notebook. Nicole knew her so well, all she had to do was look at her and she would know that something was wrong. Maybe it came from all those years of being each other's shoulder. They'd endured a lot together; being the only young girls in a house, where all sorts of men came and went. Where a mother did not care about anything they did, as long as they were home within the hours of seven and six on a school day and up to eight thirty otherwise; that was more designed for the teenage girls than Michael. Sherry still held firm to the "tie yuh hen, free yuh cock" mind set.

Alex told Nicole about what Nicka told her about her French teacher, and after Nicole took a moment to swear to herself, she turned to Alex.

"Has mum lost her mind, how could she hit on your teacher? I'm gonna talk to her," she said.

"That's a sweet thought sis, but we both know that would only make mom kick up a storm," Alex said coolly.

Nicole chuckled, "you're right, wish I could tell yuh things would work out – but I don't believe Sherry Moore is planning to make any changes soon."

Alex pursed her lips in a troubled frown, "you think she's serious about him?"

Nicole snorted, "who? Big eyes Thomas? Hell no!"

"Mom's a lot of things but she doesn't stray from the bum catalogue."

Alex laughed, that was true. Since her father, Sherry hadn't been in a relationship with a decent man ever. They were always the kinds that were washed up, homeless, in debt or just too nasty to maintain human ties with normal people.

So maybe her father could fit in with the washed up category, he was after all an aspiring musician from the time he'd dropped out of college to the time he left, and still showed no hope of making it.

They were still in the kitchen when they heard a car pull up in the front yard, Alex looked up at her sister with a frown and Nicole shrugged, leaving the pot to go to the window. Alex followed after her, and peered over her shoulder through the drawn curtain.

"That's a nice car," Nicole noted.

Alex was no car expert, but she could definitely agree with her sister. They were still standing at the window trying to get a better look at the visitor, when the back door opened and Sherry stepped in.

She was dressed extra special, in a floral off the shoulder mini dress and strapped three inch heels, with a large sunglasses propped atop her newly weaved hair, balancing two shopping bags and her purse.

She looked up at them and her face fell, "What all yuh doing here?" she asked in annoyance.

"We live here," Alex replied.

But Sherry wasn't talking to her, instead her annoyed tone and expression of scorn was aimed at her oldest. Nicole returned her cold stare, daring her to make a fool of herself when she had company. Sherry didn't take the bait; instead, she set down her bags on the table and sniffed the air.

"Who cooking?"

Neither of them responded, so she went to the pot and lifted off the cover, "Well what this is? This suppose to be food? That look like Nicole work. I can't believe you working in a hotel with the people food and this is the kind a thing you cooking."

With a darkened expression, Nicole picked up her shoes and bag and headed for the door, "Let me get out of your hair Sherry."

Sherry sucked her teeth; then turned to Alex, "don't stand there, go let the guest inside."

"The guest? You mean your new conquest? That's not gonna happen," Alex replied sharply.

"Yoo hoo, Sherry...hellooo" they could hear the sing song call at the front door.

Sherry waved at her with both her hands, "go!"

Alex opened the door and found herself looking down at a primly dressed, clean shaved man with a polite smile and perfect posture. She stared.

"You must be Alexis?" he asked.

Alex hesitated. His eyes were still fixed on her and Alex shifted uneasily. The realization that they had been discussing her, made her even more uncomfortable.

"Come now Alex, don't just stand there. Where your manners?"

Sherry always settled into an airy voice whenever she was with a new boyfriend, and tried her best to maintain speaking Standard English. She was not always correct grammatically but somehow she managed to make it sound right.

Alex took the man's outstretched hand; he smiled up at her and introduced himself as Ryan Hubbard.

"Nice to meet you Mr. Hubbard," she said as pleasantly as she could.

The man frowned "Call me Ryan."

The minute Sherry got his attention; she quietly went away to her room. Alex was disturbed by this new man. Here she was thinking that her mother would finally give her a break, that she somehow cared about what had happened only four weeks ago, even though she was feigning disbelief. But here she was, bringing another man into the house. Antonio's stench hadn't even faded yet.

She sank onto her bed and lay down on her back, bracing herself for the next few months that would follow, until the polish and new car scent faded from this new specimen, at least he wasn't Mr. Thomas.

4

Lil'Drummer boy

"And, one, two, three four..."

The drums brought them into the intro to Reuben's new song that he was yet to complete. As he stepped up to the microphone, strumming his guitar as he did, Craig crashed his sticks against the cymbals in cancellation.

Reuben turned to him in annoyance, "what now?"

"Yuh mess up the timing when you came in," Craig blurted.

Reuben rolled his eyes, "I did not, you're not even..." he started.

"Good evening."

They all looked up to find a stranger standing at the door; he regarded them with dark eyes, a hint of amusement on his face.

Reuben turned his guitar across his back and stepped up to him, extending his hand and smiling.

"You came man, that's great."

After they shook hands, Reuben turned to the four other band members, who were looking on sceptically.

"Guys this is the man I was telling you about, this is James. James, this is the band; Craig our drummer, Leann; guitar, Dre is our keyboardist, a new addition, he turned and pointed to the two girls sitting at the corner of the room, "and those are Natalie and Desiree our vocals."

James nodded, "nice to meet you," he said. His dark eyes seemed to sift through each of them as they were introduced, and now he regarded them with a secret knowing smile that unnerved them.

"Which church do you go to?" asked Craig.

James looked at him coolly, "none yet," he replied.

Craig tossed a look at Reuben, who shrugged, "he is a Christian right?" Craig asked, "cause if he isn t..."

"Would you take my word for it?" asked James in that same levelled tone.

"I can tell if you are," said Craig, growing annoyed at this stranger's audacity.

James regarded him with a cocked head and a hint of a smile, "maybe you can."

Reuben shook his head and drew James aside, the others watched as the two men huddled in a corner whispering, well Reuben was whispering, James merely nodded.

"I can trust you right? I keep feeling as though I should," Reuben asked after he turned away from Craig.

James nodded, "you should," he said.

Reuben looked at him with a thoughtful frown. He wasn't lying when he said he had a feeling that he should trust him, he really was praying about this decision.

"You can come to church with me on Sunday, see how you like it?

James nodded, "okay.

Reuben smiled, "great, now let's see what you've got."

James walked over to the cased bass, removed it and strapped it on, adjusting it to his tall frame, and then he plugged it into the amplifier and tuned it by ear. All this he did while the others watched in silence. When he was satisfied, he ran nimble fingers along the fret, pumping out a simple blues riff, upgrading it with improvisations that reflected his ability with the instrument. Now he was looking at them with a look that said he was ready.

The others only stared at him in awe; it didn't take much to realize that he was probably the best bass player that had ever joined their group.

"Wow, where'd you learn to play like that," asked the second guitarist with wide eyes of admiration.

James looked up at him with that preoccupied look in his eyes, "prison," he replied coolly.

The room went silent, everyone waited for him to laugh and retract, but he didn't. Instead, he sat down and started to warm up his fingers as though, oblivious to the shock wave his words had made.

Reuben was the first to recover, "Great, he said with a nervous chuckle, "let's get this going," and he swung his guitar around, throwing a nervous smile at his stewing friend at the drum set.

"Alright, practice next Friday," Reuben announced, as the rest of the band filed out of the room.

He turned to James who had just finished securing the bass, "you've got some skills there bass man," he said with a grin.

James looked at him blankly, "does that mean am in?" he asked.

Reuben nodded, "definitely."

Now he smiled, "great, thought that might not go down well with drummer boy."

"Nah it's alright, Craig is just..."

"Don't worry about it, he's just looking out for you," James said with a wave of his hand.

Reuben nodded, "uh yea... he'll warm up eventually."

James regarded him with a thoughtful frown for a while, and Reuben shrunk under his pointed gaze.

"You know what? I like you," he said finally, "yeah, you're one of those guys that see the good in everyone, you believe that everyone deserves a chance. You don't place your faith in a place where it's unreachable by those you don't think is worthy of it."

Reuben frowned, "yeah well, that's 'cause it's open to all of us, the bible says for all have sinned and come short of the glory of God, but we've been justified freely by his grace through the redemption that came by Christ Jesus."

James nodded, "couldn't have said it better myself. It's guys like you Reuben Clark who help out bastards like me," he was looking at him directly now, he smiled and patted him on the arm.

"You're just the guy I was looking for then. I'll see you next week."

Before he could leave though, Reuben stopped him.

"You don't have to go right away. My mom, she'd like to meet you, and feed you and pick your brain a little if it's no trouble."

James looked thoughtful for a moment, "maybe some other time."

Reuben nodded, "sure, and another thing, try not to scare the others again with, you know... that prison joke you gave earlier," he said with a nervous chuckle.

James gave him a mischievous smirk, "that was no joke," he said, "but you know that, don't you?" and with that he left.

Reuben stood staring at the door, his smile slowly fading from his face, "oh God," he muttered, "I hope you're right about this."

Reuben sat down on the couch next to his mother, who was knitting in front of the television. It was a quiet Saturday evening as most of their Saturday evenings were in this neighbourhood and Reuben was fidgety.

"What is it Ruby?" His mother asked.

He shook his head and picked up the remote, absently flipping through channels that he had no intention of watching.

He sighed and put it aside, "I'm not getting anywhere with this... plan that I have. I've prayed and fasted about it as you said and she still isn't returning my calls mom, what am I missing? I can't possibly think of anything else to do to prove to her that am that serious about us."

Mrs. Clark looked down at him over her spectacles, "you're right you can't, with all the stuff you've got going on I can't possibly think of anything more that won't overwhelm you. Besides it isn't your works that justifies you. Have you ever thought that you getting back together with her isn't part of God's plan?"

Reuben glared at her, "are you saying what I think you're saying?"

She gave him a sympathetic smile, "you are a grown man Ruby and you're smart, I can't figure this one out for you, you've got to find the answers yourself."

Just then Craig came out of the kitchen chewing, with a glass of orange juice in one hand and a cup cake in the other.

"Find what answers?" he asked.

She looked up at Craig, then at her son, "I'm sure he'll tell you later," she said as she reached up to brush her fingers through her son's short curls.

He got up and picked up his keys, "I've got to go, I promised Dad I'd come help him and Pastor Roberts fix the pipe at church," he looked up at Craig, "you coming?"

Craig scrunched up his nose in thought, "nah, I got something to do, I'll catch ya later right?"

Reuben nodded and headed out the door, "oh and ma..."

Mrs. Clark waved a hand at him, "if she dares call here, I'll tell her what she needs to hear."

Reuben rolled his eyes and left, pulling the door shut behind him with an easy click. Mrs. Clark looked up at Craig, "I hope you're not putting any crazy ideas in his head."

Craig lifted both hands defensively, "never Sister Clark, I'm trying to get him to move on too."

Reuben sat in his car, and stared blankly at the steering wheel, why couldn't anyone understand? Lisa had been his girlfriend for almost three years now, he knew everything about her and he was sure it was the same with her. Despite the fact that he is only eighteen, only a week before that heart wrenching phone call, he was staring at rings at a jewellery store. He couldn't think of anyone he would rather give but her; a symbol of his lifelong commitment to love and cherish her despite everything else. But somehow, she didn't share that sentiment and it was easy to shove him aside when she thought he didn't meet that standard. How could everyone just expect him to forget her? How could they not understand the extent of his heart break?

He sighed and started the car; on days like this all he could do was drive away, from all the alternate views, people with their ridiculous advice, it's like no one believed Lisa was worth fighting for and it just made him so very...

"Hey!"

He jumped and turned eyes big with surprise, to the person knocking on his glass. It was James and he was grinning. This could possibly be, the first time he d ever seen that guy grin and even though he hadn't known him long, the expression seemed utterly foreign on his face, because it was such a goofy one.

He lowered the glass and looked up at him quizzically, "What are you doing here?"

James shrugged, "I was coming to check you, thought I'd take you up on your offer from yesterday. Where you headed? Want company?"

Reuben shrugged, "get in, you'll get to meet our Pastor. I just hope you don't mind doing some quality man's work?"

James chuckled, "I'm a man of the soil, the oil and I'm real good with pipes."

Reuben looked over at him with a frown and James winked.

"You learn to do a lot of manual labour in..."

"Prison, I know," Reuben interjected.

James chuckled, "I was going to say all boys skill schools, but there too."

5

The Viper Strikes

Sherry was sitting at the dining table writing furiously when Alex came home from school. Alex walked in and dropped her bag on a chair in the living room with more force than was necessary, but Sherry was too absorbed in whatever it is she was scribbling to acknowledge her. Alex walked by her and opened the refrigerator and stood there for about ten seconds, drumming her fingers on the door before she slammed it shut.

Sherry jumped, "What happen to yuh now?" she asked in annoyance.

"You need to shop."

She walked over to sit on the couch in the living room and picked up the remote.

"Don't even bother," said her mother coming into the room."

Alex looked up at her, "not the T.V too," she whined.

Sherry shrugged, she picked up an envelope and shoved some money into it, folded the paper she was writing on and shoved both items into a larger one, Alex watched her with narrowed eyes.

"Things real bad now child, since I stop work at the store... Alex sat up suddenly, "What? Did they fire you?" she asked angrily, ready to take up the case.

"No they can't fire me, I just leave," Sherry replied with a toss of her weave.

"You what!" Alex exclaimed, she slapped her forehead with the palm of her hand and fell back against the cushions.

Sherry got up and joined her on the couch, "well yes, I don't like working there nuh, the place small and hot and on top of that I could not have understand what them Syrian and them does be saying..."

"But mom you only started working there last month, Ms. Bryan went out of her way to get you that job."

"Yes well I don't like it, Miss Bryan self is a ole hypocrite yes, I don't know why I even let she help me in the first place."

Alex rolled her eyes, why did her mother have to be so proud and difficult? This all felt familiar and it was not merely a feeling of déjà vu, because this did happen before, several times before to be exact.

"So what now, you don t have more to say. All the talk you like to talk, you get quiet now.

Alex glanced up at Sherry from the corner of her eyes, rudely pouting her lips.

"Watch fix you face eh before a fix it with a slap," Sherry warned, her eyes slanted at her daughter.

Alex exhaled and shook her head, "So what are you going to do about it? Are we supposed to starve until you get a job or are you just gonna find some poor guy to feel obliged to do it all for you?"

That was all it took. Without another second to waste Sherry's palm was against Alex's face – the impact of it turned her head to the other side, and knocked her teeth together; her head felt like it was a bell tower.

"You don't have no respect eh, I warn you already Alexis," she shook a finger at Alex's still turned face, got up and walked away.

Alex remained frozen, until she heard Sherry's bedroom door shut and the click of the lock. Then she let out the breath she was holding, feeling the lump in her throat and the hot sting of the slap on her cheek. She clenched her jaw as she felt the low grumble in her stomach, her mind went back to Nicka's left over chicken sandwich that she d turned down after school, and she groaned. Maybe it was okay to feel sorry for herself this time.

Sunday morning Alex woke up at about a quarter to eight, she looked over at her glow in the dark watch on the box beside her bed, next to the framed photo of her and her father, both perpetually beaming like there wasn't a worry in the world. She got up and went out to the kitchen, hoping that by some miracle she could whisk up something to eat. All she'd had to sustain her since Friday was a box of fruit loops and a loaf of bread that Michael had tossed on her bed. She had not seen him since but no one else seemed to notice.

As she lifted her hand to open the overhead cupboard, she heard a crashing sound coming from inside the bathroom.

The bathroom door was ajar and Alex could hear the low muffled groaning inside; she pushed it open and stepped in. Her mother hunched over her knees at the foot of the face basin, the plastic cabinet scattered on the floor. She turned a pale face towards Alex.

"What's wrong with you?" Alex asked, moving closer to her.

Seeing her mother like that frightened her, which was surprising, considering she was still mad about the slap and Sherry's irresponsibility. They never had much of a relationship in the first place, not since that faithful moment in their past. So why was there this uneasy feeling in her stomach? She stooped down next to her mother and touched her shoulder as gently as she could.

Sherry did not respond, instead she was shaking her head slowly; Alex persisted.

"Did you eat something bad? What can I get you?"

Sherry took a moment to catch her breath, when she looked up at her, beads of sweat were tumbling down her forehead and her lips were pale and parched looking.

"Gosh child," Sherry said hoarsely, "I think me sugar high..." and she reached up and gripped the edge of the sink, lowering her head and shutting her eyes tightly.

Sherry was diabetic, and as she'd reminded Alex on several occasions, it was Alex who'd almost killed her with it when she was giving birth. Alex had never seen her this sick, she linked this to the lack of supplies in the house, along with Sherry's careless diet; it was so easy to forget that she was.

"Where's your medicine? Did you take it?" Alex asked, as she led her by the arm to sit on the edge of the shower wall.

Sherry shook her head, "Oh gosh, stop asking me all this question nuh... water ah want," she looked up at Alex pleadingly. Alex could understand why Sherry hated how sickness made her dependant.

"I'll be right back."

Alex returned with a glass of water and handed it to her; Sherry took it with trembling hands and after tossing back some pills, drank it thirstily. She then handed the empty glass back to her and stretched out her arm toward her so Alex could help her to her feet.

"I good," said Sherry hoarsely, "Just take me to me room," she instructed.

Sherry wasn't right, because by evening she was worse and to Alex's surprise a shiny blue Sedan pulled up in the yard and Ryan marched up to the door.

"Where is she?" he asked boldly stepping through the front door.

"Bedroom," Alex replied.

He knew exactly where Sherry's room was.

"Where are you going with her?" Alex demanded, when he emerged with Sherry leaning on him.

"To the hospital."

"Now?

He turned and glared at her, "yes now, are you coming?"

Alex looked over at Michael with a panicked look, he shrugged.

"Don't look at me, I'm scared of hospitals."

Alex bit her bottom lip and wrung her hands, watching as Ryan helped Sherry out the door, and with a decisive toss of her head, hurried out after them.

As Alex had suspected, Sherry's had lost control of her blood sugar as a result of her unhealthy diet. She stood silently in the corner of the room, watching Ryan lean over Sherry, gently scolding her for her carelessness. He was quite distraught over her sickness and hadn't left her side since they'd arrived, but Alex was wary of all of them.

She'd learned the hard way how true traits were often hidden until they found an outlet to be revealed, that outlet was usually her. She shoved her hand in the pocket of her jeans and sighed, in her hurry she'd forgotten to take the flick knife. Since Antonio, she'd never left home without it, she even had it on her at school, where it was against the rules and where she was an officer assigned to uphold the rules. But she'd grown to understand the importance of exceptions.

"Sherry darling, you gave me a scare there..." Ryan was saying.

Sherry smiled up at him weakly, "I'm fine," she whispered.

He shook his head and leaned down to kiss her fore head, "you have to be more careful, if you're so diabetic you need to ensure you're always eating right. I don't know how you intend to do that with no job, why didn't you tell me how bad things were at home Baby..."

Alex flinched, how did he know about that? Maybe they were more serious than she thought. She leaned in closer but didn't say a word, it seemed they had forgotten she was there.

"I'll get a job soon Ryan, as soon as I get out of here..."

"Nonsense," he interrupted, frowning down at her, "Darling, I know this is kind of soon but... move in with me?"

Sherry looked up at him with wide eyes and Alex gasped, but they couldn't hear her above the wailing patient behind the curtain.

He lifted her hand and kissed it, "It's the perfect arrangement, we'll be able to see each other all the time, and I'll be able to ensure that you eat right and stay healthy," he explained excitedly.

"Oh Ry, you know if it was just us I would say yes real quick – but I have children..."

"It doesn't matter Sher, I have children too."

Alex's eyes grew even wider now.

"Mike and Nikki are old enough to be on their own," he continued, "and if Nikki is such a trouble to you it might be wise to separate yourself from her, and Alex – well Alex just doesn't have a choice in the matter, then again she'll be fine with it. What teenager wouldn't want to move out of that shack of yours."

Sherry laughed weakly, "Ryan you really don't know Alex, she stubborn just like she father. She would always give me a hard time you know"

"Am not worried about Alex babe, if this is what you want it's up to you, not her," Sherry sighed and leaned back against the pillows, "I'll talk to her."

"No Sherry, you'll tell her."

Alex eased behind the curtain into the hallway, a look of horror on her face. She stood in the midst of the fussing and hurried atmosphere and everything seemed to bend out of shape. In one moment one man could change the course of her entire life with one ridiculous proposal. Her only hope now was Sherry's inability to commit. She pressed her hand against her tumultuous stomach and swallowed hard.

"Hey, there you are!"

She turned around to find a smiling Ryan looking at her.

"They're gonna keep your mom over night, so I better get you home," he said, "Come on."

Alex just stared at him, he spoke and all she could hear was the hissing of a viper, the vicious growl of the pit bull that would tear her life apart, and all she wanted to do was scream at him.

"Before I take you home I could take you out for a bite to eat," he said when she finally fell into step with him.

She shook her head, "no thanks," she replied curtly.

He looked at her quizzically, "okay... then let's go pick up some groceries," he persisted.

"What makes you think I want anything from you," she snapped, glaring at him.

"Whatever then... brat," he muttered and stomped out ahead of her.

The next day Alex went to school with a serious belly ache, she linked it to the strange tasting porridge her neighbour had so willingly offered. If she did not get something satisfying to eat soon she felt she would most definitely collapse.

Nicka took care of her though, she had carried a thermos of hot chocolate just for Alex and made sure to bring extra lunch.

"Maybe you should come live with me for a while, my mother wouldn't let you leave without putting some fat on them bones," Nicka crooned, topping it off with a dramatically evil chuckle.

Alex smiled "It's a thought, only my mother would kick up a storm. For a lady who is hardly ever home she sure does mind when we aren't."

They were sitting outside the class on a bench that was used for eating, writing up some lab work they had due the following day. They were silent for a moment each absorbed in their work, until Nicka started to chuckle to herself. Alex looked up at her quizzically.

"What's so funny?" she asked.

"I still can't get over Mr. Thomas and your mother!"

Alex chuckled, "it is kinda ridiculous huh?

"Do you think she might really be interested?" Nicka asked.

Alex shrugged "if it were some other time, I think she might've considered it. But mom has always been monogamous and right now she's seeing this guy who's supposed to be a real something."

"Is he cute? I know your mom has good taste" Nicka winked mischievously and Alex turned up her lips in disgust.

"That is all you ever think about."

Nicka shrugged, "Is there anything else?" she opened her eyes wide, appearing more serious than she was.

"Apparently not," Alex replied.

They giggled at their own foolishness.

"Oh yeah, what did your mom say about the science scholarship?" Nicka asked, her eyes still trained on her book.

Alex shrugged, "what I knew she'd say. No, we don't have money for registration and she's not sending me off to some white man school so far from home."

Nicka sighed in exasperation, shaking her head from side to side, "You know I really don't get your mother at all and how can she be so racist, you're half white! How do you do it? Why are you not crazy?"

"Because..." Alex lifted her head and stared at the wall adjacent to them, "as William Arthur Ward puts it, we can throw stones, complain about them, stumble on them, climb over them, or build with them," she turned to face her friend.

"In other words Nicka, there are many ways to deal with a problem, and I've decided that going crazy isn't going to be one of them, so help me God."

Nicka started to make a face but found herself nodding. Choosing, this one time not to make fun of her friend's over achieving outlook on life.

When Alex got home that evening, the first thing she did was to go into the kitchen and open the refrigerator, a ritual she had developed since she knew there was none.

"Oh my God!" she exclaimed with a broad smile. Feeling like a lost soul who'd found water in the middle of the desert.

"You're welcome," came the low rumble of the voice she'd decided to despise.

Ryan was standing near the dining table with his hands shoved deep in his pocket, an overconfident smile splitting his face.

"Mr. Hubbard – I mean uh Ryan," she shifted her weight uncomfortably; "You bought the groceries?"

Ryan shrugged "I take care of my woman," he smiled again.

Alex narrowed her eyes; she couldn't decide whether she should be grateful or disturbed. No matter how often she had seen it done, it never failed to amaze her how quickly her mother could get a man to provide for her. Sherry could very well be the Grenadian version of a Geisha.

"Thanks... I think," Alex said abruptly and walked past him.

Ryan appeared to be a well off guy, the way he dressed, talked, walked; what he drove, everything about him said money. Alex was no car expert but she did not need to be, to notice that the new expensive looking car, parked out front was a completely different one to the one he had the day before.

"So how's school going Lexi?" he asked trailing after her as she walked to the couch.

"School's okay," she replied uneasily. She wished he wouldn't follow her so and what did he just call her? No one had ever associated that short version of her name to her.

She plopped down onto the couch and reached for the remote, as she did so she remembered her conversation with Nicka. She turned to look at him, taking in his features.

He was a broad shouldered man, with dark brown skin and big dark eyes on a chiselled face. He was not very handsome but he had this sureness about him that she was sure made up for all his physical shortcomings.

"So what form are you in now?" he asked, settling down beside her on the couch.

"Fifth," she replied.

"Wow, so you're heading into exams soon then. Next year is it?"

Alex nodded, "yup, starting in May," she replied.

"Well don't you worry, things are gonna start to look up around here."

"I know what you're trying to do Ryan," she looked over at him, "it's not gonna work," she said, as she switched on the television, completely shutting him out. She did not mean to be rude but groceries or no, she had pledged not to fraternize with her mother's boyfriends.

6

Umbrella Girl

Reuben placed both hands on his head and turned around, "Are you sure about this? We've been at this for hours," he said in annoyance.

James shrugged, "It's got to be around here somewhere," he sighed, "I'm telling you Reuben, if we find this place you'll never have to worry about props again."

Reuben nodded, "yeah, yeah that's what you keep saying, but you can't find it and it looks like it's about to rain," he looked up at the sky, now hidden behind a thick clump of darkened clouds, ready to burst.

James chuckled, "patience is a virtue and..." he paused as his gaze locked onto someone stepping out of a boutique right in front of them, and a smile slowly eased its way onto his face.

Reuben looked at him, "what? Do you see it?"

James shook his head and pointed to the girl about to cross the street, frowning up at the sky, her large umbrella held out in her hand.

"But am sure she knows where to find it."

Reuben followed his gaze and found himself looking at a girl, with sun streaked hair, frazzled at the tips and a scowl that was sure to chase devils. She was noticeably attractive, but was clearly troubled, like all the rain clouds in the sky had settled over her brows, making her appear way older than he knew she was – she was wearing her uniform; pleated skirt, white shirt and tie – and he found himself frowning at her.

"What makes you think that?" he asked absently, his eyes still trained in the girl's direction, but James didn't respond. In fact he was nowhere to be seen and when he turned back to the girl, she was gone too.

"Oh come on," he groaned as a shower burst from the skies, with rain drops hard like pebbles; drenching him.

"Want to shelter with me?"

The girl from the other side of the road was looking at him, not even a hint of a smile to go with her generous offer but she had the most captivating eyes he'd ever seen; searching steely grey eyes.

"Please," he replied.

She edged closer to him and lifted her large umbrella over his head. She was tall and slender and if she was ever awkward because of it he couldn't see it now. He was already quite wet, but something told him that if he passed up this opportunity he would hear about it later when he knelt down to pray. He'd learned the hard way in several ways that in everyday moments we come upon people that we are meant to leave impressions on but fail to.

"I'm looking for a place, maybe you could help me," he said.

She smiled politely, "well you'll need to be more specific than that."

He chuckled, he liked her voice. It was husky and honey smooth at the same time, he wondered if she was a singer.

"I'm supposed to be looking for a certain store but I can't really find it," he grinned broadly, amused at himself.

"It's a store that sells costumes, body paint, props that kind of stuff. There's a particular one that's supposed to be on this street, or at least I think so..." he shrugged and threw up his hands in resignation.

The girl furrowed her brows thoughtfully, "I know a place like that. I've been there with my brother a couple times when he was looking for things for carnival, but I don't know the name"

"That's fine, just give me directions. Any place will do right now, I've been out here all day," he explained.

They started walking now, slowly though, as huddling under an umbrella together made it difficult to go any faster without getting wet.

"You're stocking up early," she said with a smirk.

He looked confused, "Excuse me?"

"For the carnival" she explained, "it's next year you know."

He laughed, throwing his head back, "Oh it's not for carnival. It's actually for a church play, we always do one or two for Christmas," he graced her with a wide grin.

"Oh," she looked surprised, "like the whole manger scene?"

"Naw, not yet, this one's more of a life depiction. We like to dramatize everyday situations that Christians always have to deal with and kind of show ways out of them. This one is about faith, as a foundation, as a refuge, as a weapon.

"Faith? As a weapon?"

He couldn't help hearing the scepticism in her voice, "yes faith, the foundation of Christianity."

She chuckled drily, "Can you lay your hand on it? Cause a foundation is usually something solid. So is faith a weapon?"

He smiled and turned to face her so that their faces almost touched, an awkward moment for any two strangers, yet neither of them felt it.

"It can be, you use it when you refuse to believe the lies and trust that what God says about you is truth regardless of what anyone says. You can't touch it, or see it, it's abstract, just like love, or peace or hate, until it manifests itself in the things we do or say," he smiled that handsome charming smile of his and she looked away, her scowl returning.

"There it is," she said pointing to a small store wedged between two others, with only a small sign on the door.

Reuben looked at her ruefully, wondering what her story might be.

"I must've passed that block three times today," he said with a chuckle.

"It is easy to miss," she agreed, her expression unreadable.

He extended his hand, "thank you," he said as she took it.

"You could come you know, next month the eighteen, at the Valley auditorium in Grand Anse. Tell me what you think."

"I'll think about it," she replied, with a noncommittal shrug.

"I'm Reuben by the way. If you decide to come, ask for me," he said trying his best to look more chipper than he felt.

"Oh and remember, you only need a grain as tiny as a mustard seed and you'll move mountains."

It took a lot to turn away from her and dash up the steps to the door, but when he turned back she was still looking up at him, a thoughtful look in her intriguing eyes. He smiled back at her, lifting a hand in farewell. As she turned and scurried away, he knew he'd planted something there today, and he wished God would give him a chance to see it grow and bear fruit, for her sake.

When he turned around, James was leaning on the frame of the open door, grinning goofily.

Reuben shot him an aggravated look, "and now you find it!"

James chuckled and shrugged, "come on in," he said, sweeping his hands before him.

Reuben hurried in after him, "did you know where this was all the time or did you just find it?" he persisted.

James turned and gave him a bored look, "please don't ask so much questions man, cause I not gonna lie to you. I not gonna give any answer to your question as a matter of fact," he replied as he lifted a mask from one of the shelves and placed it against his face.

Reuben looked at him and rolled his eyes, then turned to peruse the range of props lined up on the shelves behind him.

"Who was that girl you was talking to?" James asked after a long moment of silence.

Reuben didn't turn around, "Someone who cared whether I got soaked in the rain and offered me a shelter."

"Does she have a name?" James persisted.

Reuben turned to look at him now, "please don't tell me you're interested..."

"Me? No. Hell no. She's twelve," he spat.

"I'm pretty sure she's not twelve, why would you even..." he trailed off and walked over to another shelf in the store, shaking his head at his friend's ridiculousness.

James came up behind him and looked at him with those disarming eyes. Reuben imagined he always got his way with that look, it was so dark and threatening even though he wasn't trying to be. It was like he could see all your deepest darkest secrets and thoughts.

"I didn't get her name," he said, staring at a spot on the far side of the store thoughtfully, "but she looks so troubled, I just get the feeling that she just needs..." he shrugged, "I don t know."

The hard look in James eyes quickly shifted, turning from cold persistence to eagerness, they were bright with interest. Reuben thought his sudden interest in the strange girl was weird, but he didn't want to jump to any conclusions. He was still trying to understand him, and from what he'd learnt so far, maybe he needs a little of what the strange girl needs too.

"Say it man, what do you think she needs?

Reuben sighed, "I guess friendship, she just looks so..."

"Alone and scared," James finished.

"You saw it too then?" he frowned, "how did you though?"

James shrugged, "I guess. She reminds me of someone," he said sombrely, and with a thoughtful frown turned toward the cashier.

Reuben frowned at his retreating back, _who does she remind you of James?_

He pulled his black hood over his head and wrapped his arms around his chest. It was a cold windy night, the streets were empty, except for a few lone couples. He glanced down at his watch and swore. He didn't plan to be so late; it was risky walking home this hour.

He hurried across the street and dashed through an alley, covering his nose and mouth with his shirt against the ghastly smells of urine and alcohol. As he walked, he constantly reminded himself that he was a man; that he was brave, that he wasn't afraid, besides he lived here he grew up with many of the guys that terrorized the neighbourhood at night.

He could see the end of the alley now; he would be out in the light of the street light soon, and closer to home, and that relaxed him a bit.

"Aye Moore!" He paused; he could feel the loud thumping of his heart against his chest as he slowly turned around.

One man stepped out from the group of men, all of whom had smoke rising from their heads like resting dragons.

The light revealed the face of the man who had called him, and he exhaled deeply, "Hey man what's up?" he reached out and took his offered hand and they embraced.

"I say you forget us," the guy said.

"Naw man, just been real busy but I ain't forget you."

The man laughed and took a swig of his beer, and then he stretched his hand out, "Put it here."

He removed the wad of cash from his pocket, it was wet with the sweat from his palms, and his fingers trembled slightly as he placed it in the waiting hand.

"Good job man," the man said as he flicked through the bills, "this is your share."

"Thanks man," he said and made a move to leave.

"Hold up. We have another job for you, one that suit you best."

"See I don't know guys, I'm trying to get my life together, you know the whole music scene. I've got to focus on that," he protested.

The man chuckled and the others joined in, "What happen yuh fraid?"

"Nah man..."

"Then no problem. I gonna call you later and we go meet up and talk. Cool?"

"Yeah, cool," he said and lifted his eyes to the starry sky with a defeated sigh.

He watched as the group walked past him, each respectfully tapped his fist as they went by. His gaze lingered on the brown bandannas hanging from the back of their jeans swishing rhythmically to their perfected gaits like tails. He sighed, what exactly did he just agree to? Of course he already knew the answer to that.

Looking about him furtively, he pulled the hood over his locks and turned down the narrow dirt road to his house, it seemed he would have a harder time getting out of this than he had thought.

7

You Forget Am Yuh Mother

Alex's older brother and sister, were both very busy people, Nicole worked the night shift at a hotel and took classes on evenings twice a week, and Michael worked at a garage in the town while doing his music on the side. He had an amazing voice too.

They had both been very secretive about their whereabouts lately, more secretive than usual and Alex was starting to feel like she was in this all alone.

She only managed to catch Michael home alone one day after school. When it came to serious issues Nicole was more reliable than Michael, who tended to be a little too immature in grown up situations but what she'd overheard at the hospital was really weighing on her mind, especially as Ryan seemed to be getting even closer and bolder by the day.

She walked right into his room. Michael sat up on his bed, as he nonchalantly slipped something underneath his pillow.

"What?" he asked guiltily.

"What you got there?"

"None of your business, yuh can't knock?" he swung his long legs to the floor.

"Sorry," she remained standing at the door, awkwardly fidgeting with the door knob.

"Well what yuh want?" he asked.

Alex shut the door behind her and leaned against it, whatever Michael was hiding really was not her business.

"It's about mom," she said.

He got up and picked up his jeans, "as always," he murmured as he shook them out.

"This Ryan guy is her next target, but things are different now I...

"Of course Al, is what she does do," he said pulling up his jeans.

He looked over at her with tired brown eyes, "that's what she does, she do it with Nicole father, she do it with mine, she did it with yours and with whoever other baby daddy she got out there. You remember our older brother right? And the one she gave up when she was sixteen?"

Alex nodded, she knew all of that but what she wanted to think about now was her life.

"So right now it don't bother me so much, so she's got a new sugar daddy, you know what?" he picked up a plain white t-shirt and yanked it over his head, "I don't care no more."

Alex inhaled sharply, how could he not care? What other hope could she possibly have? He could be strange sometimes and detached but she always knew he was interested. Michael made a move to open the door behind her, and she panicked.

"He asked her to move in," she blurted.

Her brother looked directly at her then, and she was sure she saw something flash in his eyes but she couldn't put a finger on it, for sure it wasn't anger.

"And what she say?"

"She's gonna ask us" she replied.

"Mom does never ask us nothing," he said, a puzzled expression on his face.

"Exactly my point," said Alex, "but you know how she is with these guys, it's all about impressions."

Michael looked at Alex once more, "well you know she gonna do what she wants, all I have to say is I'm not going anywhere. I sorry for you."

He jerked open the door and left her standing there with furrowed brows. She sighed, she really was in this alone after all. Her eyes fell on his pillow, whatever he was hiding was still there.

She was tempted, but before the thought could reach her limbs, the door was yanked open behind her and Michael stood dauntingly before her.

"Get out!" he commanded.

Later on that evening after Ryan left, Sherry walked right into Alex's room and planted herself at the door.

"Mom!" She cried, "Don't you know how to knock?" she was hastily wrapping her towel about her.

Sherry walked right by her to sit on her bed. Alex looked at her with wide eyes.

"Ah ah, so what you hiding? You forget am yuh mother," said Sherry with a hint of amusement.

Alex swore under her breath as she turned to try dressing without removing her towel. When she finally managed to get her brassiere and shorts on, she was breathless. Sherry motioned for her to sit down on the bed next to her.

"I have something to tell you," she started.

Alex pulled on a T-shirt and sat as far as she could from Sherry on the small bed. Usually when Sherry came to talk, it was about something Alex could not agree with or stomach, and it usually ended with a hot slap. She knew Ryan's proposal was going to come up, so she was putting a safe distance between them in advance.

"What is it?"

Sherry sighed and straightened her back, "now, what am gonna tell you, it won't make you happy but is not for the whole world to know, you understand? Not yet at least."

Alex sat completely still, knowing what was coming didn't lessen the uneasy feeling in her stomach.

"I think is a good idea to move in with Ryan," she said, Alex was already shaking her head, "we plan to do it before the new year, probably after Christmas..."

"You don't need to do this mom," Alex pleaded, her voice thick with emotion, "We can manage, I'll find you a better job and I'll work for the holidays...."

"Is not that simple Alex, I cannot ask you to work at this time when you have exams coming up. I sick, I need to take care of me self and Ryan want to help, is not easy," Sherry explained.

"No!" Alex shot to her feet and glared down at her, "you're complicating it, we've managed before. Let him move in if he wants to, just like every other guy. Am not going anywhere."

"Sit down Alex!"

After some heaving angry breaths, Alex complied. Sherry awkwardly reached for her clammy hand but Alex just as awkwardly slipped it out again.

"It is complicated now Alex, that is true. Ryan is a respectable man, he not gonna let me manage on my own, especially now when..." she paused and shook her head.

Alex looked at her with anxiously suspicious eyes, "What? what?"

"Ah pregnant."

Alex was very still, she felt as though she was on a treadmill that had suddenly propelled her back ward into the hard wall behind her. She waited silently for her mother to start grinning and announce that she was actually joking around with her, but Sherry-Ann Moore didn't joke.

"You hear what I say?" Sherry was growing annoyed.

Alex just shook her head in disbelief. She was not ignorant of how her mother lived, neither was she ignorant of the implications of such a life. She was a product of that life, just like her siblings were, but it was one thing to know something could happen and it was another to find yourself actually facing it.

"You're pregnant," she repeated softly, confirming it to herself. Sherry sucked her teeth, leaned back against the pillows and folded her arms across her chest, as though preparing herself for the inevitable barrage of questions.

"Who's the father?" Alex asked, she looked so panicked one would think she was the one with the news.

Sherry rolled her eyes, "Who you think it is? Is always something with you, you always making things bigger than it really is."

Alex got up and started to pace frantically, trying to rub the tension from the back of her neck as she did.

"Please tell me you know its Ryan's baby, for sure."

Sherry shrugged and looked thoughtful for less than two seconds, "could be, I figure is his. Antonio don't look like nothing in him fertile, so it have to be Ryan own."

"You figure," Alex had fire in her eyes, "mom you can't figure with these things, there's a life in there. That baby – me, you – we all need to know who the father is. We can't take care of a baby now, two days ago we hardly had anything to eat."

Sherry sat up and puffed out her chest like an aggravated fowl, "now wait a minute, who is the mother here?" she locked hard eyes with her daughter.

"I'm a big woman, is me that having the baby. I have it under control."

"Yeah of course, you've been doing such a great job of it so far," Alex sneered.

Sherry looked like she wanted to say something, slap something maybe. She edged off the bed and got to her feet, they were almost equal height, Alex being slightly taller. Same nose, similar shaped eyes, same strong defiant chin.

"I will handle it," Sherry said adamantly, "you focus on getting use to it."

Alex eased by the group of girls standing near the entrance of the bathroom; she looked at them and rolled her eyes, who hung out near the bathroom? She thought. It was a pretty typical day at school, save for the troubling thoughts swimming about in Alex's mind. A group of disrespectful, underachievers throwing words at her, was the last thing she needed right now.

"Well watch where you going!" One of the girls cried in annoyance.

Alex ignored them; she had too much on her mind to be interested in petty arguments. It had been two weeks since Sherry had given her the news and she still felt like she was being strangled.

"So she just gonna pretend she didn't hear us?" the girl who spoke was in her class, her name was Tracy. They also lived in the same neighbourhood which is why Alex along with most of the neighbours knew she had an abusive, drunk as a father. Just as how Tracy knew how her mother lived and how she came to be.

"Y'all I hear she mother pregnant," Tracy was saying, Alex paused.

"Again? How much she have now? Who that one for?" another girl asked.

"Just make sure it's not your father," another replied, and they all shared a laugh as though they'd been rehearsing this for days before.

Alex turned around then, her eyes narrowed, "just shut up," she growled.

Being the proud overachiever that she was, it was no surprise that she had enemies. Girls like Tracy who were jealous over her success.

Tracy made a funny face at her friends then looked back at Alex smugly, "I'm sorry" she said, "I didn't think you were listening. I was just sharing some news to the girls, congratulations by the way," she winked at her tauntingly and turned to join in the laughter.

Alex stepped toward her until she was close enough to sniff the scent of Tracy's cheap perfume. The Spray Can kind, that looked and sometimes smelled like bug spray.

"Seeing that we're sharing news and all. How's your mom? That black eye your father gave her better?" she glared at her, pasting on a cruel smirk.

Tracy made a move toward her but was restrained by one of the girls standing behind her; she shook her off and shoved Alex roughly. Alex stumbled backward, she wanted to shove her back, maybe drop her to the ground and rough her up a bit. She could take her and they both knew it.

They stood staring daggers at each other, nostrils flared, chests heaving with suppressed emotion, waiting for the other to make the first move that would satisfy them both.

Alex glanced down at her clenched fist then at the red badge on her chest, she looked over at Traci, her shirt pocket was bare. If anyone of them was going to lose something if they acted on their emotions it was her, so as much as she wanted blood, she also wanted to leave this school with respect and dignity.

"I'm gonna walk away Tracy, but don't cross my path like this again," she threatened, deliberately brushing her shoulder against her rival's, as she passed by her.

Alex made her way to the library and took a seat near the large window that gave a perfect view of the city, all the way to the sea, it was quiet there. She thought about Sherry and her unborn baby, about Tracy's comment and her brother's reaction to the news.

Did anybody care? Was she the only one bothered by this? She sighed; Sherry said she had a plan...

I have a plan Angel

... and that she should trust her.

You can trust me Angel

Frowning Alex looked about her frantically, but she was alone, she could hear the Librarian's Blackberry vibrating in the quiet. She shook her head and turned back to the window, she sighed. The days when she used to believe in everything her mother said were gone, and she was forced to look at things as they were, as opposed to what they were imagined to become. In addition to that, it seemed she was starting to hear voices.

Sherry handled it alright, with suitcases and impressions, and before the Christmas wind could sweep through the tense house, they were preparing to leave it. Alex and Sherry, that is.

Since Sherry had started seeing Ryan, Alex had never needed to cook, Sherry was always at the stove, cooking lunch, baking... Alex never knew she could do either. Nicole was even scarcer these days, working late, classes, and a new boyfriend were all conveniently keeping her away from her family issues and her sister. And Michael, Michael was getting even more secretive, he'd started locking his bedroom door, sneaking into the house at odd hours in the morning, hiding to have cell phone conversations. It frightened Alex, and she felt she was the only one noticing that things were falling apart.

It was no secret what most of the guys in the neighbourhood got into once they stopped going to school. Michael was the ideal future gang member and drug dealer. He was almost twenty-one, he'd finished secondary school with three subjects after being kept back twice in the third form – at least he'd graduated, she couldn't say the same for most of his friends.

He spent a year working at a garage in the country after school, where he'd learned the trade the unconventional way. Now he didn't have a steady job, he was what they called a hustler, going from job to job, wherever and whenever he could get one. Personal observation had shown Alex that this was the similar story of most of the guys who got involved in such illegal acts. The majority of whom came from 'broken homes', it wasn't something she would openly admit, but her home could be defined as broken.

Now it was the Christmas season, Parang on the radio, the smell of sorrel boiling and ham cooking on the neighbour's outside fire, but the festivity wasn't inside the Moore house. Christmas was an exciting time because it was supposed to be the celebration of life, giving of gifts, spending time with the people you cared the most about, but this year Alex was sullen, because she felt as though she was waiting for her execution.

She sank back onto her bed with a sigh and closed her eyes, listening to all the sounds of her life crumbling at the edges. The dragging and lifting, Ryan's laughing voice and Sherry's flirty response, the truck idling out front, by evening there would be nothing left. She looked over at the photo next to her bed and suddenly felt like crying.

"So you just going to lie down inside here and do nothing, come and help your mother nuh. Still have plenty to do."

Ryan was standing at the door a disapproving expression on his face. Alex had jumped at the sound of his voice, her hand immediately going to her pocket. He surprised her by coming into her room like this. She glared at him – the gall of the man – rolling her eyes she laid back down again, with one hand folded behind her head, the other still lodged in her pocket gripping the red flick knife.

"Your mother told me how you felt about moving in with me," he said.

"Yeah, how did she say I felt?" Alex asked, with more animosity than she wanted.

Ryan shrugged, "You're angry at us," he replied, coming further into the room to lean on her dresser.

"And shouldn't I be?"

Ryan chuckled dryly, "I don't think you're seeing the big picture child. I can give you more than what you have here."

Alex sat up and eased off the bed, she didn't feel comfortable lying down while he hovered so close. She looked at him with piercing eyes and he held her gaze with equal intensity, she didn't like the way he was acting; who died and made him man of the house.

"Why don't you make that picture a little clearer for me," she suggested.

She wasn't usually this rude and impulsive, but certain people seemed to bring that out in her; Ryan had become one of them.

"Frankly I think it's none of your business, considering you're just a child and all, but Sherry seems to think otherwise..."

"I haven't been a child for a long time. And yeah, it would be none of my business, if you were my father, that is," she interrupted.

"You know you are very disrespectful" he said with a snort, "and yuh selfish..."

"I'm selfish..." she started.

"You just listen to me. This is your mother's decision, you're only included because it affects you. But the bigger picture is our unborn baby growing up in a place where it can call home"

"And what about me? What about what I call home?"

"You call this dump home?"

They paused and glared at each other, two strong willed people facing off on one very personal subject, and suddenly the entire neighbourhood wasn't large enough for them.

They were still standing in silent suppression when

Sherry called out to them, "Ryan, where's Alex?"

"She's right here, hon," he replied.

"Tell her to bring her things out to the truck," she called back.

He smiled smugly at the stewing teenager, "you heard your mother. Take your stuff out, little girl."

8

Little Vipers!

Alex awoke with the smell of lavender lingering on her cheeks, clean crisp sheets wrapped about her and a content smile on her face. She'd had a pleasant night, void of frightening nightmares or late night heart wrenching conversations with her sister. She yawned and reached for her watch only to find that there was no bed side box as she'd hoped, and then she remembered she wasn't at home. That meant that the figure snuggling her back wasn't Nicole.

She turned and the mound behind her made a sound like a cat, having been shifted from its comfortable position. The figure turned to the side and the bed sheet shifted from her face, revealing a sleeping girl.

Alex looked at her in horror. It really did happen; she wasn't at home anymore. She fell back against the pillows and pressed her palms against her eye lids, as she pieced together how she'd gotten here.

They'd left home later than planned, so Ryan's house was in darkness when they'd arrived; no welcome carpet and brazen trumpets with banners, just a dark, quiet, very large and beautiful house. She lifted her hand and peered over at the sleeping girl beside her and tried to remember her name, Rachel it was, as it turned out, the Viper had young ones, one of which she would be rooming with. For how long? God only knew. Alex had already learned something about her; if she talked so much while sleeping she didn't want to know how much she yapped during her waking hours.

Alex shoved her face into the pillow and groaned, pouring out her frustrations into the cotton pillowcase. She then threw off the covers and climbed out of bed. The door to her right was the adjoining bathroom Rachel shared with her sister, which meant the other was the way out.

The house appeared even grander with the morning light streaming through the multi panelled windows in the living room, it wasn't a cut out from a magazine but it was definitely more than she was used to. She found her way to the kitchen, and walked into a boisterous conversation between a dark slender boy and a colourfully dressed woman.

The boy was the image of Ryan with a plain longitudinal face and a pair of thick framed glasses perched on his nose. The girl was of a creamy chocolate brown complexion with perky eyebrows and slanted, deep set eyes that gave her a sly fox-like look. They had both stopped talking and were now staring at her with a boldness that was most definitely bad manners.

"Hi," Alex greeted, squaring her shoulders. She hoped she did not look as scared as she felt.

"Hey," the boy replied, he had short, wavy hair, the kind that comes from wearing those caps.

The girl nodded her acknowledgement, but Alex was sure she saw her lips curl, and was that a fang? Alex made a mental note to keep away from her.

"You're Alex?" the boy asked.

"Yeah," she replied.

"Damn gurl, aren't you a looker!" he said with a flirty grin, "I'm Leon, this is my sister Sonti," he gestured to the girl next to him who was casually surveying her red fingernails.

"Nice to meet you," said Alex, having recovered from Leon's outburst.

"Yep, try not to steal anything huh," said Sonti as she picked up her red handbag, batting her long plastic lashes tauntingly at an insulted Alex.

Alex glared at her, not only did she have terrible fashion sense, but she was disgustingly smart mouthed, and Alex's gut told her she wasn't a safe person to be around. As she watched her exit the kitchen, she thought of the height of the house, the bone chilling distance from the tallest window to the ground and Sonti looking out of it, an evil smile pasted on her flawless face. Shaking the horrid thought from her head she turned to Leon. It wasn't as though Sonti would grab her by the hair and throw her out a high window; too many witnesses, right?

"Wait a minute!" the squeal could be heard all the way from the living room, "nobody said nothing 'bout a roommate!"

They turned to find a scrawny girl with dark, coarse hair, braided in two fat short braids, standing under the arch; her thin arms perched on her hips authoritatively. She couldn't have been more than nine.

"Shut up Rachel," Leon demanded easily, "you're too small for your bed anyway."

Rachel rolled her eyes at him and turned to Alex, the annoyance melting from her face as the realization dawned on her; she was noticing the strange face for the first time.

They stood silently staring at each other until Alex stepped toward her and introduced herself, an amused look on her face.

"I'm Alex," she said and extended a hand.

Rachel took it and shook it briefly, "Just Alex?" she asked with a frown.

"Yeah, actually it's Alexis."

Rachel smiled, "Oh you must get confused for a boy a lot," the girl reasoned.

"Not so much, I go to an all girls' school. Plus my real name's Angel."

Rachel looked thoughtful, "Okay, guess that's good too."

"I hope I didn't gross you out last night, Leon says I sleep like a troll so..."

Alex smiled, "no, it was fine, I didn't even know you were there... half of the time," she lied.

"Good then, when am dressed I'll give you a tour of the house and tell you all you need to know."

"Thank you, I..."

"So you're like, gonna be my new sister huh?" Rachel interrupted again, her excitement burning behind her pupils like torches.

Alex gave an awkward grin, "uh... roommates, sisters... it's all the same," she stuttered, ignoring Leon's look of amusement.

She'd never had a younger sibling, and she wasn't sure how she felt about Rachel just yet, she did know that she wasn't about to call her, her sister.

Rachel frowned, going over Alex's response in her head, then she nodded, "okay, see ya."

When she left, Alex exhaled deeply. She didn't even know she was holding that in. She turned to Leon who was still smirking at her.

"You get used to it," he assured her.

Alex nodded and her gaze fell on the open book before him.

"Chemistry?" she asked.

He smiled up at her and extended a hand, "Doctor Leon Hubbard, Cardiologist."

Alex laughed but took the offered hand, "Doctor Angel Moore, Haematologist"

"Ahhh a fellow science lover," he said, his big goofy eyes, bulging with interest, "what form are you in?"

"Five," she replied as she sat down on the chair opposite to him.

"I'm at the Community College, final year. Maybe I can help you with your studies now and then; SBA's are probably weighing on you by now."

"Yep, just kinda wrapping up I guess. Got a couple labs to work on for the holidays," she replied.

It was good to finally meet someone she could relate to, Leon was like the brother she never would've wished she had but would really love to have anyway. She smiled up at him and nodded, feeling ecstatic at this new prospect.

"What about your sister, what does she do?" she asked, afraid to lose the moment with an awkward lapse in conversation.

"Believe it or not she's actually a pre-school teacher," he replied.

Alex's eyes grew wide with surprise, "really?"

"She hates it," Leon added, "but grand ma made it completely clear that if she wasn't going to head off to college, she had to get a job, a respectable one," there was an amused, mocking tone in his voice and he topped it off with a wink.

"It seems to measure up financially and well, it gives her enough leisure time to party. In case you're worried, she's never at home long enough to torture you."

Alex grinned, "that's good, kind of like my sister, only she's always working, work she does because she needs to, not for anyone's pleasure... just her survival."

"Hmmm, is she hot?" he asked, wiggling untamed brows.

"Let me guess, two years of college and not one girl friend?"

Leon feigned surprise, "how did you know? So is she?"

Alex shook her head, amused, "she's pretty," she replied.

"She's not interested though, Nicole doesn't care much for younger boys. Plus she's got a boyfriend."

"Pity," he said, just as Rachel marched back into the room, clad in jeans and a T-shirt.

She went directly to Alex's side and looked up at her expectantly, "I'm ready, let's go," she said, reaching for Alex's hand.

Alex looked over at Leon, with wide pleading eyes, he only grinned as he got up, "you're on your own. Don't worry, she's only dangerous after eleven.... AM," and he left, his laughter of doom trailing after him dramatically.

Alex looked over at the smiling girl and smiled uneasily, "Hi," she squeaked.

It was the Christmas season and though Alex wasn't much of a partier, Nicka and she always made it a must to attend a concert or Christmas bash every now and again. Which was fun enough with the two of them; they had never needed another person to enjoy themselves.

Yet here she was sitting on a bench at the most uneventful party she'd ever been to, popping skittles and staring at everyone enjoy themselves and each other, as Nicka shared her drink and all of her jokes with her darling Robbie.

Robbie Davis was a tall boy with big elf ears, caramel brown skin and his power tool, deep set, cheek dimples. According to most of the girls he was the most handsome boy to walk the street; Alex just couldn't see it, mostly because she couldn't stand him.

"I'm going to get a drink," she muttered, as another annoying giggle floated over to her.

"Oh, I'd really like another coke," Nicka said glancing at Alex then at Robbie.

"I'll get it," he offered and he handed her his empty back pack in preparation to get up.

Alex looked over at her friend, who was wearing a ridiculous grin, "He's so sweet," she mouthed behind his turned head. Alex rolled her eyes.

She allowed Robbie to follow her to the drinks stand; walking stiffly and silently ahead of him. They had never really talked before, except for that one time when he'd approached her on her way to the bus stop, but as always her cold manner must have turned him off, and two weeks later Nicka had introduced them. Nicka was actually surprised when Alex had told her they'd met before. It was weird though, the way Robbie never spoke to or acknowledged her, when he was clearly interested at a point in time. It was even stranger now when he fell into step with her and began to speak.

"So how about them Spurs?" he asked with a broad grin.

"I don't like basketball," she replied blandly.

"You know I think you're real hot and stuff," he said suddenly.

Alex looked over at him quizzically; confused at the direction this conversation was going. She chose not to respond; instead she hastened her footsteps so he had to hurry to keep up with her.

"Yeah I just don't want you to think that guys don't check you because you weren't hot or anything. If it makes you feel better I'd like to get your number, maybe I could hook you up with one of my friends, they're good guys Alex," he persisted.

Alex shook her head in disgust and continued walking, she couldn't believe Nicka was discussing her personal life with Robbie, he sounded like a tone downgraded recording of her.

"I don't think it's a good idea. Especially, if they can't find a better word to describe me than... stuff."

Robbie chuckled, "You're funny, and very beautiful I mean that, if I weren't with Nicka...." he said with a broad smile.

She blushed despite herself quickly masking it with a dry chuckle. Nicka was right though; he did have a gorgeous smile. It was so gorgeous she had to turn away to prevent any unwanted swooning, and that was when she saw him.

He was standing near the drinks stand, with the same red cap pulled down over his eyes, he wore the same baggy jeans and sneakers, and this time his eyes were even more disguised, with dark sunglasses. Was he looking at her? She couldn't tell. He was facing her but with his eyes so well hidden, and his expression so unreadable, she couldn't tell whether he was. She stopped now, she was certain he was the man who had rescued her from the pit-bull. Robbie was still talking to her, his charmed droning floating over her head powerlessly.

Then she saw him turn and saunter toward the exit, he had a slick gait, like he was walking to a rhythm only he could hear. His movement was masked with mystery, like he was actually trying to be invisible and he would have succeeded too, if Alex wasn't so determined to meet him again.

"I'll be right back," she said and she hurried after him.

She saw him leave through the exit but no one else acknowledged him, he was like a ghost, a light breeze, a faint odour if he had any presence at all. She squeezed through the crowd that he'd so easily slipped past, and then pelted out onto the side walk, looking about her frantically for the familiar figure, until she glimpsed him going around the bend. She dashed after him without giving much thought to her decision. He was too far ahead of her to catch up, and at a certain point she lost him.

"Oh come on," she groaned, planting both hands on her hips as she turned about her, she turned and looked at the direction she'd come from with a tired frown, just about ready to return.

Just then a faded red car pulled up beside her, and a young man leaned out, wearing a big grin, that made his eyes look like slits.

"Hi, I know you," he said gaily, "you're the umbrella girl."

Alex looked at him blankly, she remembered him alright, how could she not. He hadn't changed much from that day in the rain; he was just as handsome, same warm smile, penetrating dark brown eyes and an initiating baritone that she felt all the way to her toes.

"You're drier than I remember," she retorted, her tone void of humour and her face just as blank as it.

He laughed and shook his head, "that's right, nothing like some sunshine."

There was an awkward pause then, with both of them waiting for the other to say something else. Alex suspected it was her turn to speak, she hadn't said much anyway, which meant she wasn't giving him much to work with; still he was the one who broke the silence.

"You missed the drama," he said.

Alex snorted, "Like you were looking for me."

He frowned, as if she'd suggested the most ridiculous thing, "of course, I invited you didn't I?."

Alex only stared at him; she was never any good at meeting new people, more specifically, men. Her conversational skills always wound down to zero.

"So how're you enjoying the holidays?" he asked.

Why won't he just leave already, she shifted her weight and shrugged, "It's fine, me and a couple friends are just chilling at this party back there," she replied.

He looked about and frowned, "Oh, okay. You don't look like you're having much fun," he said with a grin.

Alex shook her head, "not really, my friend's got this new boyfriend who's trying to set me up," she replied with a wry smile.

Even though she was wary of any thing male that spoke and had arms, she prided herself on being honest with this particular person. Maybe it was the knowing look in his eyes, or the fact that she knew he was a Christian. Her parents had taught her from her early childhood to respect God and well... she assumed that that respect extended to his people.

"How about this then, come with me. We're having a little hang out down at the church, it'll only be for a little while. I'll bring you right back." he said.

She hesitated for a moment. She could've easily walked back, gone back to drinking soda and staring at Robbie and Nicka snuggle, or she could go to a place, no doubt filled with holier than thou young people, with a handsome, stranger with kind eyes. Suddenly she felt like living on the edge.

"Sure, why not? You're not a dangerous man are you?"

He laughed, "Will you take my word for it?" he asked.

She smiled, walked over to the passenger's side and climbed in, "nah," she replied, "but I can trust my instincts, plus am armed."

He looked over at her with a quirky smile, "Are you now?" he asked playfully.

"Just drive."

9

All About the Mission

He pulled up on the curb next to the lot and looked over at her, "well back to your party, safe and sound."

She smiled, "there was no doubt in my mind."

"You really have faith in your instincts don't you?" he teased, arching an eyebrow for emphasis.

Alex lifted a hand toward him and shook her head. "Please not the faith talk," she said.

He chuckled, "but you did have a good time, we're not usually that... you know unprepared."

She nodded, "actually it was fun," she replied as she reached for the door handle.

Reuben narrowed his eyes at her, "you sound surprised."

She grinned, "I... I was kind of expecting something different, more.... I don't know..."

"Downbeat and boring?" he added, and then frowned, he hadn't been hanging with James long and already he was finishing other people's sentences. He was convinced it was James impatience but now he wasn't so sure, James wasn't impatient at all.

She laughed, "Something like that."

"Then come again, third time is the charm. After that you'll want to be a part of it all."

She looked surprised, "really?"

He chuckled, "naw, I don't think so. Do you want to?"

She looked thoughtful for a moment, he'd known her for less than twenty-four hours, but he already knew that distant look in her steely grey eyes and the absent gnawing on her bottom lip, either she was seriously considering what he said or that subject just triggered indifference.

"I'll think about it," she said as she climbed out of the car.

Reuben leaned over, "that's what you said the last time, but I'm holding you to it this time."

She tossed a smile over her shoulder, as she made her way toward the faceless crowd, dancing to the loud music in the dim evening light, which she soon blended into, as unidentifiable as one in a hundred shadows. He started the car and drove away.

"What's wrong with you, boy? You're about to burn a hole in the carpet with your pacing," said Mr. Clark as he entered the living room and tossed his brief case on the sofa.

Reuben turned around with his phone still held to his ear and shrugged, "I'm trying to get Craig, but he's not answering his phone nor responding to my messages," he sighed and hung up, turning to look at his father, who had taken his place in his leather recliner in front of the Television.

He'd just come from the youth gathering at church and from dropping off Alex, and though he was quite tired and wished he could just retreat to his room, lie on his bed and look at pictures of him and Lisa, he was preparing for another engagement. He was just as committed to his responsibilities at the church as he was to Lisa, but still that wasn't enough. He was still uncertain of what she wanted.

"Maybe he's just busy Ruby," said his father, looking up at him in that matter of fact way he had.

Reuben pursed his lips thoughtfully and dropped onto the couch, "he knows we were supposed to meet with Mr. Boyd to get donations for the band Dad, he's just been really difficult lately."

"Why don't you just bring that James boy along, he seems like a nice boy," they both looked up as Mrs. Clark stepped into the room.

"Hello darling," Mr. Clark crooned as she leaned down to plant a light kiss on his lips.

"James is okay yeah, but you're forgetting how Craig can't stand him. He would freak if he finds out I took James instead of him," Reuben looked absolutely stumped.

But his mother only smiled; that sweet smile that had convincing, clarifying qualities, "Craig won't mind Ruby, you're forgetting how easy going and kind your friend is, I don't think hatred is an emotion he knows."

"I didn't say he hated him," he mumbled, turning over the cellular in his hand.

Mrs. Clark chuckled as her husband played with her fingers where they rested on his shoulder, "I still can't understand that Lisa girl, you're the most considerate person I know and am not just saying that because you're my son."

Mr. Clark nodded in agreement, "I don't have any complaints myself, and a guy with an eighteen year old boy child should have his fair share of worries. But you Reuben are a responsible, caring, enthusiastic boy, full of vision and purpose, very mature for your age," he paused and looked up at his wife, "when your mother and I thought all hope was lost for us having a child we could cherish, you just appeared, a miracle in a fat cheeked bundle. We thank God for you every day, and no one should ever tell you you're not enough."

He shook his head, "that girl is just confused, she doesn't know what she wants, so she's accusing you of feeling the same way."

Reuben smiled at them, his eyes brimming with the impact of their sincerity, and he thought of how many people didn't have parents as supportive and as loving as his own. Somehow he just knew what he would have missed it if he didn't. He wasn't blind to his blessing, they were his miracle too, no young couple would've taken in a sickly two year old, that looked half his age, and was a slow learner. But the Clarks saw his potential even in his fragile hopeless state, they knew that God had a plan for him and they believed that plan enough to tie their lives to it.

It made it so much easier to understand Jesus' sacrifice for people like him and James. Angry James, with a past so ugly he had to lock it away inside him. They had a chance to partake in a life so rewarding, a life of purpose and peace, because Jesus put in the application for their adoption by God even in their weak, worthless state. It thrilled Reuben to extend that truth to others, especially those who never knew the love of a father so great and merciful.

"Thanks," he said with a grin, trying to nonchalantly wipe his tears in his shirt sleeve.

Mrs. Clark reached over and nudged his arm, "Hurry up! You'll be late."

They were returning from the meeting at about seven o' clock. Night had already pulled its thick blanket over the land, casting dim, looming shadows behind every wall, brush and tree. James and Reuben were hurrying to the car, jubilant with the outcome of the meeting when they noticed an unfriendly looking group, slinking along the fence. Reuben continued naturally but avoided eye contact, but it was James who caught his attention, lowering his head so that it looked as though his collar had swallowed his neck.

When they finally reached the car, Reuben looked over at him over the top of his battered corolla,

"What was that about?" he asked with a chuckle, "you're not scared of a little gang are ya?" he teased.

James' eyes were wild with panic, he wasn't taking his joke as he'd expected, instead he yanked open the front door and got in, "let's get out of here," he growled, just as a figure from the group lifted a hand above his head.

"Hey Jay Jay," he called, as the others turned around to face them, "what the hell man! Ah can't believe this, isn't that Jay Jay?" the stranger continued, as he along with his crew started toward James and Reuben. Reuben didn't move from where he stood behind the open car door, regarding the approaching squad with furrowed brows of confusion and a hint of panic. James reached over and tugged his pants.

"Get in the car!" he hissed.

Reuben slid behind the wheel. Those men approaching weren't interested in cordial introductions, or an easy late night chat on a deserted sidewalk.

He started the car and swerved out onto the road, and as they sped by, the now aggravated men pounded on the top of the car, one of them even ran after them and stomped the bumper.

When they were a safe distance away, Reuben looked over at James, "can you tell me what just happened?" he cried.

James merely looked out the window at the passing scenery, "it's nothing to worry about," he said, in that low monotone he spoke in when he was being secretive.

Reuben glared at him in the dark car, "enough with that man. A gang of who knows what just kicked up my car man, and they were coming to you. That seems like something to me," he said, pounding the steering wheel for emphasis.

James looked over at him now, his face as blank as a mindless psych patient, "you're right, it's not just nothing, but am afraid it's something I can't reveal to you right now."

"What? Why? James come on!" Reuben persisted.

James leaned back with a sigh and folded his arms across his broad chest, "it's all about the mission," he breathed as though it was some solemn reminder of a duty he was panicking out of, and closed his eyes, a sure sign that this discussion was over.

Reuben, still shaking his head, turned to focus on the road, he couldn't believe this. What was this guy getting him involved in? When he asked God for a way to make Lisa want him again, he didn't mean running away from violent men with a mysterious ex-con sitting beside him, talking about his mission? Then again he wasn't talking about it all.

He sighed and glanced over at James, who was as still as the dead, in the same position he was in before. Maybe just like Reuben his test had come, and it was turning out to be a little more than he had bargained for.

10

Pick Up

Sundays were for sleeping in and hanging out at Freddie's Hot Spot and everyone who knew Alex, knew that. Which is why she was surprised when she woke up with Rachel hovering over her, waving the portable phone at her.

"Who is it?" she grumbled, squinting her eyes against the light pouring into the room.

Rachel shrugged, "some guy," she handed her the phone and left.

"Hello?"

"Why do you sound as though you're just waking up?"

The caller's voice was familiar but she couldn't put a finger on whose it was, not with her sleep clogged brain.

"That's 'cause I am," she replied grumpily, "Who is this?"

"It's Reuben," came the cheerful response.

She sat up suddenly, her eyes wide with surprise and she frantically brushed her fingers through her hair as though he was right outside the door.

"Hi," she said, suddenly timid, "What you... what's this about?"

Reuben chuckled, "its Sunday isn't it? And I remember a certain somebody promising a certain thing."

Alex did remember. She'd gotten so caught up with the fun she was having with his youth group that she made a promise to Reuben again. Today, however she really did not feel up to it. She had plans with Nicka, and even though Nicka had stood her up several times to go out with Robbie, she really didn't fancy dumping her for church, just to return the favour.

"I can't believe you called me on that," she stalled, as she threw off the covers and slipped her feet into Rachel's fluffy bedroom slippers.

"Believe it," he said with a chuckle, "So what's it gonna be sleepy head?"

"I don't know. How would I get there?"

"No problem, give me your address and I'll come get you."

"You don't have to do that," she protested.

Even though Reuben was one of the nicest men she'd ever met, she still wasn't sure if he was trustworthy.

"It's fine he assured her, throw on something nice, I'm coming to get you."

"I don't know..." she hesitated. She was enjoying his attention and persistence.

"Hey there's no turning back now," he said, "Just tell me which one is your house."

"Which is my house? Reuben where are you?" she went over to the window and peered out at the neighbourhood already bustling with Sunday morning activities and smells of Sunday lunch preparations.

"I'm nearby," he replied, "I think I'm in the right place, if I remember correctly."

"You're kidding".

"I hardly ever kid on Sundays."

Alex grinned, finally deciding to give her fears a back seat and go with her gut. She turned and yanked open the closet as she hurriedly directed him to the house.

"You'll have to give me a minute... several minutes actually," she said.

"That's fine," he replied, "see you in several minutes."

She was standing in front of the open door of her closet in her towel, still looking for an outfit when she heard two brief honks outside; Reuben had arrived. She dropped her clothes onto the pile on the bed and pulled her first choice on, only partially concerned about Rachel's reaction when she would walk in on the mess she'd made. She wasn't sure how suitable her clothes were for a Sunday service, after all she'd only attended church twice in her memory, one was a funeral and the other was a wedding. She smiled as she turned this way and that in the tall mirror. The light blue dress fit her figure better than she thought it would; it was a slim simply cut dress with short sleeves, its hem resting just below her knees, modest, comfortable and completely under the radar, best 'hand me down' from Nicole ever.

"Mom am going out!" She yelled as she dashed out the front door.

The red car was parked at the front of the gate; Reuben was sitting in the driver's seat looking more handsome than ever, in his white long sleeved dress shirt and red stripped tie, emphasizing his smooth olive skin. He climbed out and greeted her with a warm smile and handshake.

"Wow, you look very nice," he said as his gaze travelled the length of her dress respectfully.

"Thank you," she replied, ducking into the car to hide the warm colour rising to her cheeks.

Reuben expressed concern about her parents, before he got into the vehicle, he offered to run in and inform them of their plans. Alex dismissed his concerns with a wave of her hand, "Oh it's okay, I already told them."

He seemed satisfied with her response because he said nothing about it again when he closed her door and rushed over to his side.

Alex had never been treated like that before; it made her feel important and cared about, something she really had to admit wasn't a usual aspect of her life.

"So Alex tell me about yourself," he suggested as they pulled onto the main road.

"There isn't much to tell," she replied.

"Really, everyone has a story... how about your family? Where do they hail from? I might know 'em you know," he winked at her.

Alex shrugged, "I doubt it. My mom's from St. Patrick's side, my father is British, but he used to say he's more Grenadian than I am. He was a musician, came here as a young man for the adventure and met my mom... they're no longer together. All I have of my father are his eyes and two books from his collection."

Two books out of about a dozen, that she seldom read, mostly because she knew them so well. And eyes that she thought confused her identity and passed judgement on her mother every time they showed up somewhere together as mother and daughter.

She took a deep breath and looked out the window at the passing scenery; she'd never had to explain her history to anyone before. People either knew it, or didn't matter enough to be told. Talking about it only opened up old wounds and questions.

"I'd rather not talk any more about it."

Reuben nodded, "fair enough, you're a wonderful person anyway... I guess you still have to thank your parents for that."

"Do I? I don't think so, why thank them for something I did on my own?"she looked at him with a dangerous frown.

Reuben chuckled, "look at me," he said, "if you were to meet my parents you'd know who doesn't belong and though they have shaped me into the man I am now. I owe a lot of who I am to the woman who gave birth to me, and the good for nothing man out of the few she couldn't identify as my father. At least I can thank him for the 'scrapes'," he looked over at her and winked.

Alex smiled, he did have nice hair. A thick woolly texture that a girl would consider a curse to have every time she had to wash it.

"It's the Caribbean condition Alexis, diversity in all its forms, not atrocities. Besides, the first thing I noticed about you, wasn't the colour of your eyes, it was the sadness in them."

She sat quietly for a while, what he'd said had her mind reeling, what was he talking about? Was she really that pathetic? And gosh he was so well spoken.

"How old are you Reuben?" she asked suddenly, hoping to change the subject.

"I just turned eighteen," he replied, his eyes glued to the road in front of him.

She smiled over at him, "You're very smart, I like the way you speak... I'm sixteen" she said, she was about two months from the truth, but for some subconscious reason she felt like bridging the gap a little.

"That's cool," he said absently, as he manoeuvred his jeep into a parking spot.

"Here we are," he announced as he switched off the ignition, "Shall we?"

"Sure."

The entire service floated past Alex, all she could think of was the man sitting next to her who was too absorbed in the service to notice. Alex left the church that day with yet another invitation, this time it was from a woman named Carol who had approached Alex when Reuben left her alone for a while. She had invited her to their youth meeting that Friday. As usual she made no solid commitment, but the look in Reuben's eyes told her that she might just wind up there anyway.

He was driving her back from church, and seeing that she wasn't his only passenger took a shorter, bumpier route in order to drop off a young mother and her son. As they were bumping along the dreadfully dusty road, Alex spotted Ryan's van parked on the other side. He was standing behind it with a rather sharply dressed man, who was counting a wad of money, while two other guys watched on from the hood of another car.

"Wait slow down will ya," she asked.

Reuben lifted his brows, "can't go much slower than this. What's up?" he asked, following the direction of her gaze.

"That's my mom's boyfriend," she said, squinting to get a closer look at the exchange.

Reuben frowned, "I don't know 'bout you but that looks a little shady to me. We shouldn't stare so much," he said, increasing his speed once they were past.

Alex looked over at him sharply, "I live with that guy and I may not get along well with my mother, but I am very protective of her. If he's up to no good I need to know before my mom and I get roped into it."

Reuben pursed his lips thoughtfully, "Alex I'm sure it's nothing to be bothered about. He's probably just doing business."

"Reuben, he runs an electronics store," she said with a disgusted scowl, "I'm sure they didn't stop to look at his catalogue, those guys don't look like the kind."

She turned to look out the window, her mind reeling with theories, none of them easing her suspicions.

"I really need to get home."

"I heard Ryan come up. Where is he?" Sherry looked up at Alex whose face was set like stone, her nostrils flared like a fire breathing dragon. A sure sign that an uproar lay ahead and from the question posed, it was aimed at Ryan.

She'd been waiting for Ryan to come home for over three hours now, you'd think by now she would have cooled down, but her impatience had only increased her hunger to face him.

"Not today Alex," Sherry replied and turned back to her recipe book.

Alex fumed, "I need to speak to Ryan," she persisted; now shaking with impatience.

"Not with that attitude you won't, whenever two of you fight, he does be in a bad mood for days," Sherry reasoned.

"I'll find him anyway mom."

Just then Leon passed by on his way in, "he's in the office in the garage," he said with a mischievous grin.

"Thank you," said Alex and she stomped out the side door.

Ryan's office was a little room behind the garage that Alex never knew existed. Another surprising discovery she made in that short moment was that the garage was empty save for a rusting Volkswagen. It reminded her of the one her primary school principal used to drive before he had that stroke.

She entered his office like a freak wind and stood glaring at him, her hands folded into fists at her sides in preparation for their confrontation.

Ryan looked up at her sharply at first, but slowly relaxed. Leaning back against his chair, he settled curious eyes on her.

"Alex?" he greeted suspiciously.

"What the hell is going on Ryan?"

He frowned, "you tell me."

She stepped forward and planted her hands on the top of the desk, "I'm not stupid Ryan. I've been trying to piece together your game since I laid eyes on you. I know you're hiding something."

Ryan continued to frown at her, "What are you talking about?"

"On my way here, I kept wondering why a man as resourceful and supposedly wealthy as you, would need to do shady looking business deals, with slimy looking men, in side roads on a Sunday afternoon."

She waited for it to sink in, then continued again, "but then I delved into my vast experience with my mother's other boyfriends and I realized that you were simply doing what comes very naturally to your kind," she paused for dramatic effect, looking him right in the eyes and feeding off of his panic.

"You're a liar Ryan Hubbard, you lied to me and my mother, you led us to believe we would be safe with you. What were you doing with those guys?"

Ryan leaned forward and sighed, lifting his clasped hands under his chin as he frowned in thought, "look Alex..." he started, then he shook his head, "you know what, you're not wrong to assume that I lied to you but only about certain things and I did it for a reason..."

"Let me guess you wanted to protect us," she interrupted with a sneer.

"Yes... but I it was mostly just to buy me some time..."

Alex turned around and swore; Ryan winced but said nothing about her language, "that makes no sense to me, Ryan."

He got up and extended his hand toward her pleadingly, "just hear me out Alex, you have to understand that when I asked you all to move in with me my financial status was different..."

"So you admit it. You're broke aren't you, and those guys weren't work associates were they?" she interrupted, her eyes glimmering with mischief.

Ryan nodded, "I wasn't always, but right after you arrived I lost a lot of it. Blew it on a bad investment, but I've got debts to pay, bills, mouths to feed. I just needed something to keep me afloat while I got my finances back under control."

Alex regarded him quietly for a moment, feeling like she could believe him, that maybe he was telling the truth right now, even if he wasn't honest with them before. But there was a part of her that didn't want to believe anything he said; the part that was still mad at him for rooting up her life and replanting it in soil that was too soft and poor to lodge her roots in. She sighed and folded her arms across her chest.

"Okay, let's say I believe you, but that still doesn't explain this afternoon."

Ryan shook his head while rubbing the back of his neck, "I...I know that. You're too smart for your own good," he said with a nervous chuckle, "I placed a bet in an underhand event... numerous actually, now am knee deep in the red, and people are starting to collect. I couldn't risk...certain people knowing," he looked up at her as though to say please don't pursue it, but Alex was on a roll.

"Who are you talking about?"

He sighed and sat back down, "It's best if you didn't..."

"Come on Ryan! who?" she snapped.

He shook his head, "you're a lot like your mother when you're angry. Okay, I'll tell you but you have to promise that this stays between the two of us okay?"

"I can't promise that. Mom has a right to know that she's sailing in a sinking ship."

"This ship is not sinking, but your mother is pregnant and diabetic, if you care just a little about her you would keep this between us."

Alex hesitated then nodded, "whatever."

"Okay, the truth is that a lot of what I have is not my own, it's from my late wife's mother, the children's grandmother, this house is hers, the land everything on her name. But she's promised to turn it all over to me in due time, of course there are conditions. I have to work with her brother at the family business, send Leon to university and have Rachel visit every two weeks. It all simply means that I manage my finances, stay out of trouble and keep everything from Rachel – she's not very discreet. If my children's grandmother finds out about my situation she may take all this from me, my children included, you have to understand that she hates me."

Alex nodded, "hmmm, with good reason am sure..." she muttered.

Ryan nodded, "I wasn't always... this put together alright."

"And why can't you just tell that to Sherry, she knows a lot about over bearing parents. But if you can assure me that you've got things under control and that I can trust you, I see no reason why I should rat you out. Just don't take too long to pay off those guys I saw you with, they look dangerous."

Ryan smiled, "who would've thought you would be the one to understand."

"Don't push your luck," she said baring her teeth at him, and she turned to leave.

"Hold on a sec," he called, and pulled open his desk drawer.

Alex waited while he shuffled through it, then he took out a box and handed it to her. She looked down at it, completely taken back with what he placed in her hands.

"A cell phone? For what?"

He grinned, "it's yours, merry Christmas. A fifth form student should have one, don't you think?"

She arched a brow at him, "are you trying to bribe me?"

He chuckled, "of course not, I was going to give this to you a while back, a kind of peace offering. We did get off on the wrong foot."

"Huh. Okay, thanks, I guess... but I still don't trust you."

"I know, I still can't stand your attitude."

She smiled and extended a hand, "then it's a truce."

He took it, and shook it firmly, "about time, you were starting to drive me crazy."

11

Taste the Rainbow

Christmas didn't stop Alex's studies, not personally and not at her school. The teachers were trying their best to keep the students up to speed for their very important exams in the coming year. This meant there were classes even during the holidays, inclusive of exams and assignments and very little time for leisure. Yet the little free time she and Nicka had was what they would use to hang out together. Nicka however, hadn't called or attended any of their planned arrangements since the start of the season and Alex knew exactly why.

They met up after a Chemistry class for lunch at Freddie's. It was the day of their last class, exactly one week before Christmas, and Ryan had given Alex a pretty good Christmas allowance so that two pieces of chicken with fries didn't burn a hole in her pocket or make her cringe at the cash register. He'd also given her a cell phone, and despite the fact that she thought he was trying to buy her respect and her silence, she didn't mind the shiny new Samsung flip which she kept in her bag pocket, right next to her flick knife.

"So how you been," Nicka asked carefully, as she twirled a fry in a bit of ketchup nervously.

"Alright," Alex replied, without even looking up at her.

"What'd you do this weekend?" another tentative question.

Alex glanced up at her, "nothing much," she replied.

Nicka shifted in her seat and looked about her, "guess that's fine too," she muttered.

Alex kept her attention on her lunch and Nicka kept staring at her bent head. They sat in silence as the Christmas carols floated over their heads from the overhead speakers.

"You know, you're being difficult right?" Nicka snapped.

Alex frowned at her and Nicka groaned in exasperation.

"Are you gonna be like this all day?

"Like what?" Alex stared at her blankly.

Nicka rolled her eyes, "like a miserable old lady with a grudge. So I stood you up a couple times, sorry. But couldn't you at least be angry at me and get it over with so I can ask you about what's really on my mind."

Alex shook her head and looked up at her, "Maybe I was angry at you Nicka, but now I'm over it."

Nicka didn't look convinced, "you mean you're not mad that I stood you up ten thousand times for the past two weeks?

"I've been pretty busy myself," she said, picking up a napkin and swiping it across her lips to conceal the secret smile that had subconsciously eased itself on her face at the thought of Reuben dragging her to church every Sunday. She had to admit though, she was getting the hang of it, last Sunday she paid attention to about one third of the sermon; that was one third less of how much she looked over at the handsome boy sitting next to her.

"Look Nicka, you're growing up, you're interested in a boy who is interested in you too, it's completely normal to want to spend all of your time with him. It's fine," she said.

Nicka lifted a brow, "okay then."

"Now eat, we have to get back to school."

Nicka stared at her for another tentative moment, then reached out and touched her hand.

"How'd you do?" she asked, her eyes masked with worry.

"Do what?"

Nicka looked about her as though she was disclosing something very illegal or top secret, "in chemistry, you got your paper back right?"

Alex nodded, "yeah," she replied, smirking at her friend's odd behaviour.

"So how'd you do?" she persisted.

"Okay, I guess," she replied slowly.

Nicka gripped her hand tightly and leaned forward, "what's okay? Please tell me you got a measly pass and the whole grading system is messed up," she pleaded.

"Nicka what's up?" Alex asked, her brows furrowed in concern.

Nicka exhaled through her teeth, "forty-two percent Al, forty-two dried up percent. That was my overall grade for the final exam we did for the vacation class."

"Hold up, did you check with Ms. Roobin?"

"Of course I did. All she said was what you get is what you work for, man she is so annoying. If I didn't care about graduation I would..."

"Stop it Nick" Alex interrupted, "look we'll meet up tomorrow and compare answers okay."

"Fine," she sounded calmer now, "so... how did you do? In numbers please."

Alex sighed, "ninety-six."

"yuh lie!" Nicka blurted, then she grinned, "you see, you're made for this stuff, you're practically running with Ms. Roobin and she's got like a PhD or something..."

"She doesn't have a PhD; then she'd be Doctor Roobin."

Nicka rolled her eyes, "Gosh, Alex it's an exaggeration, you know, the literary device. Why do you always have to be so logical, get some colour in your life."

Alex had been attending Sunday morning services with Reuben for four weeks now, the first time she'd felt like an Orang-utan in a city mall, but Reuben's warmth along with the people's friendliness helped her relax. Reuben came by to pick her up as usual, asked for her parents and she made up an excuse as usual. He drove her to church and they sat side by side for the entire service as usual.

The only difference this time was that Alex actually listened and tried to understand, she even made notes as Reuben had suggested. It was supposed to help her with her personal studies, which she had not even considered doing, but the idea seemed to please Reuben so she pretended it pleased her. He looked over at her scribbling on the little notebook she'd gotten as gift from the church.

"Told ya," he mouthed, causing her to blush.

The sermon was about love and being your brother's keeper, and it got Alex thinking about her relationship with her family and her friend and Reuben. Cane in the book of Genesis, took his brother's life because he was jealous, he wasn't his brother's keeper, he was supposed to be, but he wasn't. Alex couldn't imagine hurting her siblings much less to take their life, because a person could never do that to the one he or she loves.

She wondered if she had ever been someone's keeper and how she could be, of course the pastor was kind enough to explain what it meant and how to do it but how practical was it? It was never as simple as it sounded, and was it okay for her, being the youngest to be her older siblings' keeper? Could a daughter keep her parents? Her thoughts bounded about her mind until she focused on one, did Reuben like her as a sister? More importantly, did he love her? Alex slapped herself mentally and ducked her head to avoid his eyes. When had she started being so silly? Alexis Moore did not swoon over guys.

After church, the congregation greeted and chatted on their way out as usual, but this time Alex did it too. She knew the other teenagers from the only youth meeting she'd ever been too, she knew Carol the youth leader, and she'd even spoken to the Pastor once or twice.

She was speaking with Carol, when Reuben snuck up behind her and joined the conversation with a smile, "yes that is a brilliant idea Car, Alex should come to youth meeting on Friday."

He touched her shoulder and winked, "it'll be fun, you'll get to meet my very evasive friend James. He's doing a presentation that I guarantee you'll find interesting and you'll meet my even scarcer best friend Craig. I have this gut feeling that you'd like them; they're two of a kind.

Alex tapped her chin thoughtfully, "I don't know if this week's any good though, I'm spending Christmas with my brother and sister so... "

Reuben sighed, clearly disappointed, "Alright then, I'll bug you when you get back."

Reuben talked non-stop during the ride home, he went from spiritual advice to pointless jokes to knock-knock jokes and Alex enjoyed every moment of it, simply because it was Reuben, not because they were funny. They were driving by the spot where Alex and Nicka usually hung out and attended parties, when Reuben slowed down.

"Want a drink?" he asked.

"Yeah sure, that'd be nice."

He parked along the roadside and climbed out, "what would you like?" he asked.

"Sprite is fine," she replied, the truth was she didn't really want a drink at all, but he'd offered and she didn't have the guts to say no. Especially if it meant prolonging the ride home.

"Be right back."

After he left, Robbie came knocking on her partially rolled up glass, "hey pretty girl," he greeted with his lopsided grin.

"What's up Robbie?" she asked, turning down the car window fully.

"I cool," he poked his head in and looked about the interior of the car, then at her Sunday attire.

"Wow, you looking hot ma! I have to tell Nicka I see ya liming, dress up nice and thing. So I take it this is the guy you keep ditching us for these days huh?" he teased, wiggling bushy brows.

Alex scowled at him, "whatever, Where's your girlfriend?"

"Hanging out with my buddies inside," he replied.

"Let me guess you came out for a drink?"

Robbie laughed, "nah, she had her own, we're past that."

"Oh yeah? Well don't let your guard down, am watching you," she warned.

"a'ight ma," they laughed.

"So seriously though, who's the dude?"

Alex shrugged, acutely aware of the little somersault her stomach just did.

"A friend," she replied, just as she noticed Reuben coming from the building, two drinks in his hands. She immediately started to compare him to Robbie, he was way better looking, had better posture, he oozed maturity. Not to mention those strong broad shoulders that filled out his dress shirt, unlike Robbie's thin build and bony shoulders. She smiled to herself, watching him walk toward her, it almost felt like he belonged to her.

"I get it," Robbie said with a smirk as he backed away from the vehicle.

"Afternoon brother," he greeted as Reuben climbed into the car.

"Hi."

"That your boyfriend," Reuben asked, tossing his head in Robbie's direction while he handed her the bottle of sprite.

"No, he's my best friend's boyfriend actually," she replied, the little school girl part of her thinking of all the reasons he would ask.

"Okay," he said with a grin as he swerved back onto the road, "just checking up on ya, he doesn't really look like your type."

"Oh really, and what would my type be?" she countered.

"Hmm, I would peg you as the type of girl who goes for the more poetic types, you know. Pick you a flower on the way home from school, writing you poems, confessing his undying love for you with mix tapes, serenading you with a banjo outside your window, waking up the neighbours and driving the dogs insane..."

Alex couldn't stop laughing, "You're killing me! Please stop!" He was laughing himself. She loved his laugh.

After a moment of thoughtful, silent drinking and driving Alex broached the question that had been playing on her mind since he'd returned.

"So...uh, what about you?"

He looked over at her with a puzzled frown, "what?"

"You'd asked me if Robbie was my boyfriend, I was wondering if you had anyone... special?"

"Well..." he waved his hand aimlessly, "I'm kind of in between places right now," he glanced over at her, "there is someone that means a lot to me and am waiting for God to show me how to go about it, before you know..." he chuckled, "I must sound silly."

"We all have our moments," she replied and they laughed again, but in Alex's mind she thought she had him all figured out, It thrilled her to know he felt that way about her.

When Alex got home, she went right to her room, that is, her and Rachel's room. She tossed her bible on the dresser, jumped out of her dress and pulled on jeans and a T-Shirt. She picked up her bag and hurried out the room.

She was hurrying down the stairs when Sherry stepped out from the kitchen, "Where you come out from?" Sherry asked, her arms folded over her chest with a disapproving frown on her face.

Alex rolled her eyes, "Mom, Mike's coming to pick me up soon, I can't be bothered with this now."

It was that, as well as the fact that Sherry hadn't so much as batted an eye at her since they moved here. She was just too busy with the grand affairs associated with Ryan's life, going out to dinner every other night, trying to outdo the cook. Alex had to admit though; the cook wasn't doing such a great job indeed, if Ryan needed to save money, he needed to start there. Then there was impressing the neighbours, buying new dresses, getting that new curly hair do; as it turns out Ryan wasn't a weave man. She couldn't help thinking that maybe it would be wise of Ryan to tell Sherry what was going on with him before she ran his finances into the ground faster than he was doing for himself.

"Alex you go answer me," she commanded.

Alex sighed, "I went to church alright."

"Alex come on..."

"It's the truth, Sherry. That's what I've been doing for the past few Sundays, I'm going to church."

Sherry looked at her blankly for a while, and then burst into laughter, "you? Going to church? What happen? Doctor tell you you have a few more days to live, they giving out scholarship, or is some boy?" she paused and narrowed her eyes at Alex, "Is a boy ain't it? You going to church for a boy?"

"A boy mom, seriously, you think am going to church for a boy? You really don't know me at all do you?" and she turned toward the front door.

"And where you heading for now with all this speed?" she asked.

Alex stopped, took a deep breath and turned around, "Look..." she paused and her lips parted into what would have been a gasp of shock and disapproval.

"Is that alcohol?" she looked at the almost empty glass in Sherry's hand.

Sherry looked down at it and sighed, then turned to the mini bar in the corner of the living room and poured herself another glass. She turned to look at her as she lifted the glass to her lips, emptying the contents in one gulp, "I really did miss this thing oui," she said, shaking her head contentedly.

"You can't drink when you're pregnant. Is that why Mike flunked out of high school?"

Sherry rolled her eyes at her and sat down on the sofa, "look Alex, the thing is... there ain't no baby."

"Oh God, Mom," Alex went to her and placed a reassuring hand on her shoulder, "did you lose the baby?" she asked, her eyes wide with concern as panic stirred like hives beneath her skin.

It occurred to her that that baby might have been both their green cards; with that baby gone Ryan had no need to keep them here, unless he genuinely cared about Sherry, something Alex was sure no man was capable of. And then of course there was Sherry's emotional state to be concerned about.

Sherry shook her head, "I never was pregnant Alex," she said wearily.

She shook her head, "after you nearly kill me, you think I was taking chances with that again. No sah."

"Well, why did you say that you were?" Alex asked, stepping back from Sherry like she was the most poisonous snake in the world.

Sherry sighed and sat down, leaning forward with an uncomfortable frown, "I don't know. I really like Ryan and he the kind of man that..." she shook her head, "I had to find a way to make him stay."

"See this is the reason Daddy left. You and your lies and your schemes to have things happen your way. No one likes that Mom, no one likes to be lied to like..."

"Shut up!" Sherry bellowed, "Yuh don't know nothing about why yuh father leave us," she took a deep calming breath.

"Look Alex, I going to tell him."

"Tell him what? That you lied to him all this time? He'll toss our bags on the side of the road and kick us out on our behinds. Then it's back to that messed up place."

"Alex I will fix it, is no problem," Sherry assured her.

Alex shook her head, "you can't progress on lies Sherry, you've got to learn that. And don't forget that it's your fixing it that got us here in the first place," she said with a scowl and stomped out the front door.

It would have been appropriate and greatly appreciated if Michael were to drive up the front yard right about now. When Alex stormed out of the house, slamming the door behind her for added effect, fuming over her mother's confession. It was the kind of confession that rendered the hearer to a state of unrest and panic and to some surprising extent, guilt and Alex wanted nothing more than to be as far from this place as possible. Even if it meant risking being bitten by the haunted pit bull in the corrupted neighbourhood, infested with dangerous vermin; dancing to the music of gunshots in the sky after night fall. She preferred that any day over the nest of lies she was now being forced to live in.

She dropped unto the wooden chair in the veranda and folded her arms across her chest, pouting her lips in aggravation. She turned tired eyes to the sun, now subtly easing its way to the west, which at the moment appeared to be behind the incredibly huge mansion facing Ryan's house.

Alex sighed, and looked at her watch, it was obvious she had been forgotten. If Michael hadn't picked her up an hour ago as he'd promised, he wasn't going to show up now, and the day had started off with so much promise. She reached into her bag, which had slid to the floor and withdrew a blue packet of Skittles.

"One thing remains constant," she said as she poured the colourful candies into her hand, she shuffled them about and sighed, she threw her head back and tossed them into her waiting mouth.

"Ahhh, the addictive taste of the rainbow."

An evil cackle suddenly rose from the bottom of the steps, and Alex jumped, visibly frightened.

"What are you doing?"

It wasn't the sudden appearance that surprised her so much, but mostly the fact that it was Sonti and no one else.

She glanced down at the colourful splotches in her hand then back at Sonti, "we all have our vices okay," she replied defensively, between a mouthful of candy, "this is the most constant thing in my life right now, please just leave me alone."

Sonti looked down at the packet tightly held in Alex s hand and snorted, "That is really pathetic kid."

Alex shook her head, suddenly feeling like she needed to defend her Skittle grabbing habit and her definition of it.

"Well, it has no dietary fibres whatsoever, it's high in carbs, twenty-five grams to be exact, which means it could result in a rapid rise in the blood glucose levels and the long term effects include hyperglycemia, hyperinsulimia, obesity and even diabetes. Which you should know is highly likely in my case considering my family's medical history, not to mention it's bad for your teeth," she ended with a short nod and a snort.

Sonti was staring at her as though she was the biggest dork she'd ever met, she might've been quite correct in that assumption too.

"You're not serious," she replied after a brief moment of unnervingly staring at the blue lipped girl scowling at her.

"You really need to get out more, you're weird and there's a chance you may never recover from this phase of your life and be doomed to loser town for the rest of eternity."

Alex glared at her, "Just gimme a break!" she blurted, shoving the packet between the cushions of the chair.

"Not everyone is as privileged as you Sonti. Life isn't a joy ride for me as it is for you, so could you please just let me enjoy the one thing that I love. That doesn't disappoint me, or have hidden agenda's..." she stopped suddenly, hearing the pathetic croak in her voice. There was no way she would start crying in front of Sonti.

Sonti looked at her thoughtfully for a moment, then sat down next to her. Alex glanced over at her warily; she didn't even trust what was left of her eyebrows.

"It's finally getting to you eh?" she seemed as though she was genuinely interested in understanding and might actually care.

Alex frowned, if she was referring to life, then it's been getting to her since birth, she thought.

"Somewhat," she replied, she wasn't sure how much was safe to say.

Sonti nodded, "I understand," she paused, looking out at the front yard with a thoughtful frown, "Tell yuh what, I'm gonna do you a favour."

Alex lifted surprised brows at her but didn't respond, still feeling as if there was some unavoidable trap door in this conversation.

Sonti nodded, "yep, I'll help ya out. You ever been to a Kane Collins party?"

"Huh... oh... I don't think so," she replied.

Sonti nodded, "I figured," she sighed, "come on I'm heading to one of em right now and you don't seem like you have anything much to do," she got up and looked down at her, "you want a vice I'll introduce you to a couple."

She turned and started to descend the front steps, expecting Alex to follow.

"Wait! Should I change or something," Alex asked.

"Nah that's fine, you have to wash your mouth though, no one will take you serious with blue lips."

"Right, of course. Gimme a moment."

Later when Michael finally arrived, all that was left waiting for him were his sister's two bags and an opened packet of Tropical Skittles sticking out from between the chair cushions and no one could tell him where she'd gone. Michael went back home.

12

Some Kind of Angel

"What's up with the band these days?" asked James, scrutinizing Reuben's bobble head dog on the dashboard of the car, scrunching up his nose at it and squinting his eyes, as though searching for fleas.

Reuben sighed and drew his leg up on his seat, pressing it against the steering wheel for support, "I don't know, since Craig started skipping it's like the band's lost its... its mojo, but he'll be here tonight, he won't leave us hanging when we need him the most."

James looked over at him with a smirk, "Mojo?"

Reuben shook his head, smiling, "it's an Alex thing," he said.

"As in Mojo Jo Jo, from the power puff girls," James teased. Reuben laughed.

"Yeah whatever man."

James eyed him suspiciously, "you like her?"

Reuben shrugged, "she's likable, she's an interesting girl," he looked over at James, "do you know she's got a quotes for almost every situation, it's freaky, they're like her own bible verses. And she's is absolutely ditzy about tropical skittles, she pops 'em like vitamins and calls them her stress pills," he shook his head as he chuckled, thinking about the odd girl that had somehow just dropped into his life.

James smiled, "ditzy?"

Reuben grimaced, "They stick in your head!" he exclaimed defensively, "Hold on a minute," he said, leaning forward to withdraw his phone from his pocket.

James turned and looked out the window at a dog standing beside the car, he smiled, it was clear that the dog wanted to urinate on Reuben's clean tire.

"Yes you may," James said with a grin, amused at his own ridiculousness. He was feeling pretty good these days.

"She's here!"

James turned to look at a red faced, wide eyed Reuben.

"She's here," he said again, punching the air excitedly, as though he'd won a million dollars.

"Who's here?"

Reuben was still smiling, he leaned forward and started the car, "its Lisa," he said with a grin, "she came in yesterday."

James placed a hand on his where it rested on the steering wheel, "and where are you revving up to go?"

Reuben looked at him as though he'd asked the most absurd question, "to see her, of course."

"You're acting insane, you need to slow down man. Think about this for a second."

Reuben looked over at him expectantly, beads of anticipation had already started forming on his brows and he looked like he would jump out of his skin if he had to wait any longer.

"She broke up with you on a phone call from another country while you were sitting at the airport waiting for her. I know you're crazy about her, but remember that the bible says to be wise. Don't rush into things with a heated head. She's not gonna be excited to see you panting at her door with your heart in your hand, she doesn't want your heart Reuben. She's already made it very clear that that's not good enough."

"It's fine, I did the work, I asked God about it and..."

"What did he say?"

Reuben looked down at his hand on the steering wheel, his fingers trembling slightly from this sudden burst of excitement, which seemed to threaten his sanity.

"Look, you can't leave now, the band will be here any second, we have to practice for tomorrow. Look Sasha's just arrived. God has done so much for us, and not just in the short time I've been here but throughout the year, all our lives. Pastor Roberts is counting on us to play for the New Years' service tomorrow. This is what you do Reuben, you're a leader, don't let a girl with an ego and stupid conditions take that from you. Don't let God down just because one girl broke your heart when he can put it all together again, He heals the broken hearted and binds up their wounds. He determines the number of the stars and calls them each by name. You just need to trust him man."

Reuben nodded and turned off the car, "you're right," he snorted and looked over at James, "When did you get so... inspiring."

James smiled and gave a conceited shrug, "hey, I'm an inspiring guy, with the help of King David every now and again."

"I'll see her at Church anyway."

James rolled his eyes.

It was late. Bordering on midnight but it seemed that in this world of untamed vices and hardened consciences, time had neither power nor precedent.

James pulled the hood of his sweater over his head and eased through the boisterous wave of gyrating, pulsating bodies, under the dim overhead lights. He'd stopped asking God why these days, maybe it was because he realised that no matter how many whys he had, God's plan superseded all questions, being able to surprise him by doing more than what he could've ever imagined.

He knew what his primary mission was; it wasn't Reuben, yet he couldn't help feeling like he needed to help him out. He'd prayed about it and he felt that maybe it wasn't time just yet; right now he needed to focus on his original purpose for being here.

He'd just left band practice and it was the worst one they'd ever had, at least they had one more before the service tomorrow night. Either way both Reuben and Craig needed to get their head in the game, because he didn't believe in mediocre praise.

James was making his way through the crowd, thinking on everything else but what he was doing here. He was just passing by on his way home when he'd felt it, no matter how many times he felt that feeling, it shook him. Then he saw him, standing just outside the entrance of a nearby house. He looked right at him, said nothing and then he was gone, just like that. Of all the gifts there were, God had chosen to give him this one, the ability to see things that some did not believe existed. He hurried to the house and scanned the crowd and he was sure he saw Alex walking up the drive with a boisterous group.

It was one of those exclusive house parties hosted by a group of guys from Martinique, he didn't care for their names, all he knew was that he couldn't just walk right on by, he couldn't waste any more time. It wasn't his kind of setting but...

"Angel?"

The girl turned around and her eyes widened at the sight of him, "Oh my God, you're the guy," she said.

He only stared at her, his lips set in a thin line, ensuring that his eyes clearly showed his disapproval.

"What are you doing here?"

She shrugged, her smile slowly fading from her face and she looked down at the drink in her hand, her guilt and discomfort was clear.

"I...um...I'm here with a friend," she replied.

He shook his head and turned as if, he was about to leave.

"Wait, don't disappear again, please just tell me who you are, why do you always show up like that?"

He turned around again and looked at her blankly, trying to ignore the warmth of her hand on his arm, "I was sent," he replied.

This wasn't the time or the place, but he'd approached her, he had engaged in conversation, it was clear she wasn't afraid of him. It was like they'd known each other long before.

"Sent? By whom?" she looked at him with eyes aglow with interest.

He sighed, disregarding his mysterious front for a while, he said, "You're not supposed to be here Angel, there are people.... around, that care about you and... some that don't. Reuben will be very disappointed if he knew."

"Reuben? How do you know Reuben?"

He smiled, but maintained the air of mystery and detachment that he seemed to have perfected in the couple of months he'd been here.

"I'm a friend."

"Of Reuben's? Are you stalking me? You were there at the party the other day weren't you, I followed you. Yuh set me up?" she glared at him.

James shook his head, a semblance of a smile playing on his lips, he liked how she asked that last question, it reminded him of someone.

"I just looking out for you, but honestly I wasn't at the party the other day. I was back at church in the kitchen, since lunch time. I saw when you came with Reuben, saw when you left," he said, leaning forward to ensure she heard him over the loud music, "Let's talk outside."

The music from the party could still be heard on the front porch, but it was muffled enough to allow proper conversation. James sat down on the step and she sat down next to him.

"What are you doing here Angel?" he asked, without even looking over at her he could sense her discomfort.

"No, I get a question now," she said with that stubborn slant of her eyes, "and I prefer Alex."

He sighed, and then shrugged, "fine."

"What's your name? Where are you from? What do you want....with me? How did you know my name?"

He smiled, "that's more than one."

"Take your pick," she replied curtly.

"I'm James," he replied, then he looked over at her, "Now what are you doing here Alexis?"

"It's not what it looks like," she lifted up the glass and shook it, "this is fruit punch."

"I didn't say it wasn't," he said.

She narrowed her eyes at him and looked away.

"But that's not what I'm referring to. Angel I know you've been going to church and I know it's not something you do cause you're bored. You're searching for something, but you don't know what. I know that God has a plan for your life but you have to decide. Instability isn't going to take you very far, the bible says that a double minded mind is unstable in all his ways."

She chuckled nervously, "what do you mean? I'm not unstable."

"I'm talking about this here. If you search for God with your whole heart you will find him, you've got to be faithful and steadfast. This place Alex, it's not the best thing you can do with your time," he jabbed his thumb over his shoulder at the couple making out in the corner in the dark, "I'm sure their parents don't know where they are, just like your mother doesn't know where you are."

Alex made a face at him.

"I could sit here and I could force a whole lot of biblical truths down your throat," James continued, "but I won't, what I need you to think about, is whether you really believe God can change the direction of your life. And more importantly, do you want God to work in your life at all."

As though on queue two men stumbled out the front door, their legs wobbling like spaghetti beneath them, bouncing into each other as they made their way down the steps, while conversing in gibberish.

Alex got up so they could pass then sat back down again, "look James... I can call you James right. I'm not doing anything wrong okay, it's just that my well...she's sort of like a house mate, she invited me out with her just before Christmas and I have to admit I had fun. But it's not like I don't have my head in the game. I stick to my principles, I don't drink. I think a person must be lacking all self preservation instincts to allow themselves to become so intoxicated they lose control of their own bodies. I most definitely don't hide in dark corners with strange men, I'm just...I've got my head on. The art of being wise, is knowing what to overlook," she said, spreading her hands in front of her as though presenting something tangible.

James nodded, "William James?"

She looked at him as though he'd just graced her with the grandest compliment a man can give, "yes," she said airily.

"How about, the fear of the lord is the beginning of knowledge; but fools despise wisdom and instruction."

She smiled wryly, "I don't know that one."

He chuckled, "Look Angel, sometimes making up your mind to not do something isn't enough. Have you ever gone to the beach with friends and told yourself I'm not going to go in, cause I can't swim, I'll stay on the sand. But the longer you stay the more you want to and they continue to call to you, telling you how great the water is. The next time you go to the beach with them, you may plan not to get wet but you'll pack your bathing suit just in case and one day you will get in," he got up and dusted off his jeans, "think about it Angel, but don't be a spectator for too long, I'd hate to see you drown."

"Wait!"

He looked down at her expectantly.

"You know the first couple times I saw you, I thought you were some kind of angel," she said with a grin.

James leaned his head to one side, "I've never been mistaken for an angel before, maybe a creature of darkness, but never an angel," he said with an appreciative smile. He looked at her with those unnerving eyes for longer than was comfortable, "maybe you did see an angel, God cares about you enough to send one, but it wasn't me.

Alex's smile faded to a thoughtful frown and he turned and started to walk away, only to stop and face her once more.

"One other thing. Did you like it?"

"Like what?"

"The quote?"

She smiled, "actually I did. Where's it from?"

"It's a compilation of books. You may know it; it's called the Holy Bible. The book of Proverbs chapter one, there's a lot of other interesting stuff in there you might like."

"The bible huh," she chuckled drily, "of course."

"You'll be fine, see you around Angel Alexis," and he disappeared into the darkness. As always it took a lot to walk away from her but he was becoming too comfortable speaking with her, and he knew that if he stayed any longer he would be tempted to reveal more than was needed; he needed to take things slow.

All good changes are made in stages, a process of personal growth and evaluation. He needed to get Alex to a place where she would begin to institute change in her own life, she needed to step forward and show God she wanted what he had to offer. He'd learned that late in his life, long after he'd burned so many bridges he needed to cross. He wasn't going to let what was left of his family make that mistake too. So when he walked away, he didn't look back, not when every bone in his body wanted to tell her everything, embrace her and help her vent her sorrow over the grief he was also obligated to bring, but God had a plan and he needed to trust him to do what he promised to do. He glanced over his shoulder and smiled, she was in better hands tonight anyway.

13

A New Year's Surprise

New years: the ultimate symbol of new beginnings, resolutions and hope. Unfortunately, it held as much value to Alex as Christmas and having a steady boyfriend. She'd promised Reuben she would attend the New Year's service, and if she hadn't an obligation to stand by her word she might be in bed right now, with Rachel lying next to her telling her about her "awesome day". So maybe this wasn't such a bad idea after all, she even got Michael to come along with her.

He was standing next to her; looking like he had slices of lime under his tongue. They sat on the far left of the church, a couple benches from the front, that way Alex could watch Reuben play and Michael could stop shaking with discomfort.

The moment she sat down, Reuben noticed her from where he was on the side of the stage. The rest of the band were busy setting up their equipment. They were early; the service hadn't started and people were just beginning to file in. Reuben waved at her and came down to meet her.

"Well look at this, I am pleasantly surprised," he said with a broad grin as he leaned down to hug her, "and you brought a friend," he extended his hand to Michael.

"This is my brother," Alex said and she shot Michael a warning look, when she noticed the unfriendly scowl creeping onto his face.

Michael took Reuben's offered hand and shook it briefly, "it's a pleasure to meet you Michael," said Reuben. Michael grunted in response. Alex snickered, it was funny watching Mike play tough guy.

"Hang on a second, I think it's time you met my friends," he turned and looked at the busy group and pointed to a tall, dark handsome guy, wearing a pair of big purple framed glasses.

"That's Craig, he's the drummer; you might have seen him in our youth meetings. And my buddy James, the bass player uh... he's not up there," he turned to them with an awkward grin, "I'll be right back.

Reuben found James back stage, sitting in a corner; head bent slightly, shoulders hunched. He chuckled, "please don't tell me you're scared of crowds."

James didn't respond. Reuben sat down next to him and placed a hand on his shoulder, "look man, they're just people, you don't need to be afraid, just focus on a blank wall. I'll put you in the corner, how's that?"

James shook his head after a long pause, "I not scared of no crowd," he grumbled.

"Then why do you look like you'll pass out."

James took a deep breath and looked over at him, "just saw someone that reminded me of someone, that's all."

"Who?"

James shook his head and looked away; Reuben could see him shutting off again.

"I take it this person meant a lot to you?"

James shrugged.

"But it's not them, just a look alike. That person probably doesn't even know who you are. Come on James, this is not you."

James sighed, "yeah, you're right. He doesn't know who I am," he said finally, lowering his gaze, as though ashamed of showing a little humanity.

Reuben returned to Alex and apologized, "he's kind of preoccupied right now, but after the service I'll be sure to introduce you two, next year that is," he said with a grin, a grin that quickly faded when he looked at Michael's scowl.

"I'll see ya."

Alex did enjoy the service, the music was great, she especially liked the songs Reuben's band did; it was inspiring and hopeful a great piece to start the New Year with. And it wasn't just because she thought Reuben had the voice of an angel.

The pastor's message was equally thought provoking, he didn't just speak of making plans for the New Year as she'd expected but he emphasized placing God at the forefront of it all, making him the number one priority in life. Alex hated the long prayers though, she stood like a statue with her head awkwardly tilted forward, muttering the same line over and over, beside her equally disturbed brother, while a unified hum rose from the rest of the congregation, it sounded like a swarm of baritone bees. Then the Pastor announced the new year and just like that another year was over, everything she'd done from yesterday to two seconds ago were being added to the past, the unchangeable.

'We are either progressing or retrograding all the while; there is no such thing as remaining stationary in this life', that was a quotation from James Freeman Clarke, her father quoted that in the first and last letter he'd written to her after he'd left, justifying his decision. She had no idea what he was trying to say; she was ten.

He was clear about a lot of things in that letter, how he felt about her, how things were over between him and Sherry, how he had a huge gig coming up. But there was one thing he wasn't clear about and that was whether leaving his daughter was progress or retrograde.

She sighed and closed her eyes, how could she believe her father to be wrong, it seemed preposterous that he could be, but how depressing would it be to accept that he was right. From his actions, however, she'd drawn the conclusion, that in order to be great, you had to forget those that needed you the most. She rolled her eyes mentally, if only she had a heart of stone like her mother, these things would not bother her so.

"For I know the plans I have for you, declares the lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. As you head out into this New Year don t forget that God is always thinking of you, fate, F.A.T.E, is irrelevant with God but rather your faith is. Thank you and a Christ filled New Year to all."

Even after the Pastor had vacated the podium, Alex was still staring at where he was just standing, it was like he'd read her mind and had spoken right back to her, fate is irrelevant with God, but rather your faith is.

Reuben came for them right after the closing prayer, he was grinning from ear to ear. Alex wondered whether New Years was his favourite time of the year or whether he was just very excited about having played so well tonight. In the short time she had known him she had never seen him this happy.

"Did you enjoy yourself?" he asked as he led her toward the side door beside the stage, with a sour-faced Michael trailing silently behind them.

"I did," she replied, "I loved the sermon, and your band sounded so good. You sir, are an amazing song writer slash singer," she said as she tugged on his sleeve playfully, she knew he was terrible with compliments.

It was surprising how much they'd learned about each other in the short while they'd actually grown interested enough to pay attention.

"Thanks."

The room was small and bustling with the band members trying to pack up their things. Reuben led them to a corner of the room where a broad shouldered man stood with his back toward them, he turned around and his face dropped.

"Craig, where's James?" Reuben appeared equally disappointed.

"Uh...I..." Craig stuttered, his eyes wide with panic as he wrung his hands.

"Reu?"

They all watched as a slim girl, with skin like smooth dark chocolate, stepped out from behind Craig. She tossed her straight shoulder length hair, her dark pools glistening like ponds in the light pouring from the overhead lights as she zoomed in on them. Alex ignored Michael's subtle and impolite grunt of approval and focused on this girl that had rendered Reuben so silent. She felt like they were all frozen in the tension that had built up around their small group like a net.

"Lisa," he said her name like he was breathless.

Lisa smiled uneasily, "you guys played well tonight," she said.

Reuben smiled, "yes uh... we try our best to uh... give him the best," he pointed to the ceiling awkwardly.

Alex looked at him carefully, she could hear a slighter tremor in his voice.

"Of course, look Reuben I know me being here is..."

"Yes," he interrupted, "you being here is quite a surprise? Yes it is. Even more that you're... here...with..." he looked at Craig, who looked like he was going to be sick, "my buddy Craig, who you never got along with before..." he shrugged and chuckled.

"Can I talk to you alone for a minute?" she asked.

Reuben nodded, and he turned and followed her out, brushing his shoulder against Alex like she'd suddenly become invisible.

"Wow, she is hot!" Michael said, shaking his head in unbelief, "my boy Giant was right, church is the perfect place to find a hot wife. I coming back here in the next...," he lifted his head and pretended to count off his fingers, "...ten to fifteen years."

Alex turned and glared at him, "if you keep hanging out with Giant, you might be back here sooner and you'll be wheeled in, in a box!"

Michael grew sullen, "that's not..." he paused and took a deep breath, "I'll be by the car."

Alex turned to the uncomfortable looking Craig and smiled pleasantly, "great drumming," she said.

He smiled, "hmmm yeah," he glanced over at Reuben and Lisa in the corner of the room, engaged in a very intense conversation and he walked away.

"Now that wasn't very polite," she muttered.

"He's just not cut out to be civil," said James.

He was leaning up against the wall in the corner, with his arms folded across his chest, his legs crossed in that macho, smug way he had.

Alex lit up at the sight of him, it was strange how they only needed one moment together to become so comfortable with each other; it was like they'd known each other years before.

"That was some decent playing," she said with a smirk.

He chuckled, "you noticed me."

She took a step toward him, "only cause I was looking, and you have been stalking me for a while, am more familiar with your profile than your face."

He grinned, "You're happy," he said, "that's good.

She shrugged, "and you are the awesome evasive James."

"That's right, I'm that James."

"You know, you don't look like a James.

He laughed, "you know what, I believe you," he looked over her shoulder and lifted his hand over his head.

"Hey Reuben!" he called.

Alex turned around too, but the smile on her face faded at the sight of Reuben's face, it was brutally cold, it was so different seeing him look like that.

"He's pretty angry right?"

James, now standing beside her nodded, "he's furious," he replied, "come on let's go."

They went to him, just as the girl disappeared behind the curtain, "what's up" James asked.

He shook his head, "it's nothing," he said curtly.

"I met James," Alex interjected, trying to ease the tension with a pleasant smile, but Reuben only shook his head.

"I can't believe they did this to me," he was saying, the colour already drained from his face, "he's my best friend, he should know friends don't ask friends ex-girlfriends out. Not without their permission," he looked at James pleadingly.

"Wait... Craig and... Lisa?"

"Ex-girlfriend?" Alex interjected.

"Look you know what, I can't deal with this right now... I'm going home," he pushed his way toward the exit.

"Reuben?" Alex called after him, but he didn't turn around, suddenly he was deaf to her voice.

Alex looked over at James and frowned, she couldn't understand why she felt hurt. Maybe it was because she'd never expected to be brushed off by Reuben, or ignored, or treated like an infant. Maybe it was because he acted like a man who wasn't over his previous relationship, and considering her impression of his feelings towards her, that should hurt enough to cause that achy tightness in her chest.

James looked over at her and smiled reassuringly, "its fine, he's just shocked," he assured her.

She nodded; "yeah..." she said huskily, the tightness in her throat making it hard to get her words out.

"Alex, don't worry about..." he started.

"No... It's fine," she said with a strained smile, "I'll just go."

Michael reached into his pockets and jingled his keys as he ascended the front steps, removing them only when he was mere inches from the door, now battered and lined with cracks of age and smudged with prints of living. As he stepped inside, the eerie silence of solitude greeted him, melting the content smile from his face; he was never one who appreciated solitude even though he valued privacy. He turned on the radio and walked across the living room to the sofa, removing his t-shirt as he did, then he sank onto it exhaling deeply as he turned on the T.V.

There was no one to complain about the loud music, or to tell him to take his feet off the chair, or to put on a shirt. So what was this odd feeling, this tightness lodged in his chest? He leaned back, staring up at the ceiling as he twirled a lock of hair around his finger.

He'd just dropped Alex off at Ryan's grand mansion, the life Sherry must have been cutting out of magazines since she was a child, the life he had no part of. He also knew that they were having a fancy New Year's dinner. Sherry had invited him but he knew what a cheap facade it would turn out to be even before Alex's warning.

But it wasn't about Alex's warning, or Sherry's insincerity that separated him from his only family on New Year's. It was his own guilt over what his life had become in the short period of time they'd been gone from this house. He reached into his pocket and withdrew the tightly wrapped object and lifted it to his nose, eyeing it with contempt and feeling the panic rise like bile. They would have to leave him alone eventually, because he wasn't planning to drop out of the rat race like the other two Moore men; Kyle and Chris.

Kyle, was the oldest of them all, he got involved in drugs at a very young age. He was so messed up by the time he was old enough to serve serious prison time, that when the police finally picked him up they dropped him right off at the mental institution. Rumour was that he was roaming the country side, picking up plastic bottles and dancing for tourists. Rumour or no, neither of them ever tried to find out, they didn't need Kyle's drama.

And Chris, he wasn't just the brother he shared a father and a womb with, he was his main man. The brother he looked up to and trusted with his life even though they'd come into the world mere minutes apart and shared the same face. Whether it was at a friendly game of marble or spontaneous Cricket in the road or an aggravated fist fight on the football field, Chris was there, watching his back, shielding Michael with his own face if he had to, he was the strength Michael could've never summoned. But just like their father and the brother before them he had to get involved with those gangs, the kind that smuggled, smoked, stole and sometimes killed, and Michael along with the rest of the family watched as he flushed his life down the toilet.

He had shot a man in cold blood at a party in the south when he was seventeen , then jumped a boat with two of his crew members to another island they never heard from him again.

He tossed the packet onto the centre table and shook his head, yet here he was making the same mistakes. All he ever wanted was to be the famous, island hopping with crowds of colourful fans screaming his name in every city, waving when he told them to wave, dancing when he told them to dance. He leaned back and smiled preparing himself for entrance into the most thrilling day dream ever.

"Boy, take off that damn music!" came the harsh command.

He sat up, rolled his eyes and leaned back; somehow it wasn't just the Moore men that had issues, but the women as well. Since Alex and Sherry left, Nicole's skeletons had been spewing out of the closet and he was the only one left to furtively watch her struggle to sweep them under the bed.

She went over to the radio and shut it off with an angry slap, she glared at him, baring her teeth like a dog with a new litter of pups, and marched toward what used to be her and Alex's room. Now it was her fortress of secrets and shame. He wasn't as oblivious as she thought he was, he knew enough to know that she'd officially taken up the queen bee status and spending what was left of her nights in her conservative sister's bedroom didn't make her any less of Sherry Moore's daughter.

"Any guests tonight Nicole? Want me to make myself scarce?" he called out tauntingly.

"Shut up!" she retorted, "don't think I don't see you up by the mango stump with Giant and them," she called back, accentuating her words with the brutal slam of the door.

Michael shook his head and eased back onto the throw pillows, he wasn't worried, he had an audition in a couple days, and he had a good feeling about this one. He just needed to figure out a way out of failure, and a way to shake this feeling that he was being watched every time he went out with the crew, it seemed like paranoia came with the territory.

"Happy New Year's Michael," he said as he lifted his remote, saluting the air with a wry smile, "Resolution: stay alive."

14

The Impressionist

Reuben started off his new year, sulking in the lounge chair in his bedroom, staring at the picture screen saver of him and Lisa that he had never changed. It hurt him that it was over but it hurt him more that she chose his best friend over him, not in a condescending way but in a best friend's broken code of honour kind of way. How could Craig deceive him like this?

He sighed, rubbing his chin thoughtfully; the only spot on his face that had spurted any hair, unlike Craig, who was blessed with a flourishing mature beard at nineteen. A scowl started to form on his lips.

"Darling?" his mother poked her head into the room and smiled sweetly at him, "you have a visitor.

Before he could come up with some excuse why that would not be a good idea, James appeared behind her. His large frame towering over Mrs. Clark like a morning shadow. He looked at him blankly from the doorway, eyeing him with those freakishly bold, penetrating eyes.

"I'll leave you two to your boy talk," said Mrs. Clark, pulling the door shut behind James.

"You acted like a fool the other night," James said, his easy tone belying the impact of his words.

Reuben regarded him with disinterest, "A man has a right to go berserk when he finds out his girlfriend and best friend have been sneaking behind his back, especially in the grace given world of Christianity."

James pulled up a stool and sat down, "she's your ex-girlfriend Reuben," he corrected, "I know you feel very betrayed by Craig, but you're also unreasonably mad about something that had stopped being your concern the moment Lisa said good-bye. I know you want to talk about it, it'll clarify things in your head and I don't mind listening, but only after I've pointed out to you how your behaviour last night may have scared off Alex. And you may find my concern out of place, but trust me when I say I have every right to be.

Reuben regarded him with a scowl for a while then sighed, shaking his head, he said: "you're right, I... what do you mean I scared off Alex?"

James picked up a pencil and started twirling it around his fingers before he responded, "Alex doesn't take too well to mood swings, she doesn't like being brushed aside or made to feel invisible especially by people that may have appeared to care initially.

Reuben frowned, "and you know this because..."

"I pay attention even though I don't hang around, I'll let you in on another little secret too, I've been watching her way before you two met."

"Why? How? Are you a stalker? Cause if you are, you have to leave my house right now."

James chuckled, "am not a stalker Reuben, I'm just a guy with a mission."

"Yeah you keep saying that."

James shook his head and pursed his lips, "let's just say, I was sent to deliver a message to a family, a message that cannot be understood without faith, and that's your job."

"My job?" Reuben sat up, his eyes now wide with confusion, "who do you think you are?" he asked angrily.

"Am an ex-convict, bass guitarist, with enemies from here to Canada, but none of that matters compared to my divine purpose."

He paused and looked Reuben directly in the eyes, "I will give my life for this purpose, but you need to go over there and make it up to Alex or the past month would've been pointless."

Reuben shook his head, "you're unbelievable. But..." he sighed, "You're right, creepy but right. I do need to apologize, I was a jerk."

James smiled as he got up, "good then, I knew I could count on you."

"One day you're gonna have to tell me the truth James, the whole truth," Reuben said.

James shrugged, "the truth always has a way of revealing itself."

The dining room was swarming with activity and excitement. Ryan wore a permanent grin as he helped Sherry place the food on the table. You wouldn't believe these were the same two people who were at each other's throats like dogs just a few weeks ago when Ryan found out the truth about Sherry's pregnancy.

Leon hovered over Rachel as she finished set the table and Sonti sat down nonchalantly, absorbed in whatever conversation she was having on her phone, twirling her new braids around her finger.

They didn't seem to care that they'd done family lunch yesterday; it was as though they actually enjoyed spending time together. From afar they actually looked and sounded like a real family; a group of people who genuinely cared about the wellbeing of each other. Like they were joined not just by obligation, but by mutual, unconditional affection, that only comes from sharing most of life's moments together.

"Ah Alex, yuh finally come out of that room," Sherry said, looking over at her daughter with a bright smile.

Alex shrugged, came in and pulled up a seat next to Leon, who shot her one of his usual playful grins.

"How was your New Year's service thing yesterday? You didn't talk about it at lunch yesterday," Rachel asked, looking up at her expectantly.

Alex shrugged, ignoring Sonti's sarcastic smile, "it was fine, typical church service," she said.

Sherry was the last to join the table, and when she did, she had company. It was Reuben, looking as sharp as usual in a plain white Polo T-Shirt and black Jeans, his thick hair a little over grown but adding a hint of rugged attractiveness to his genuine looks. He was wearing that warm smile of his that Alex was sure held the power to upset the patterns of nature and it was directed right at her.

Sherry sat on the opposite end, facing Ryan down the length of the table and Alex shrunk with discomfort at the look they gave each other, and then even more at the look Reuben gave to her.

"Oh before we start, we have a man of God among us so..." Sherry looked directly at Alex and smiled, "Alex yuh want to bless the food for us?"

Alex shot her a warning glance and shook her head slightly but Sherry persisted, "please Al, I really like how you start going to church and so on, I would love for you to pray."

Alex lowered her gaze, wary of all the curious eyes now resting on her, and stewing at her mother's smart attempt to infuriate her. She cleared her throat and took a deep breath.

"Uh...Lord Jesus, thanks for this food and everyone here... um... and for helping us all through the new year, together as... uh together, in Jesus name, Amen."

She lifted her head and her eyes met his, he nodded slightly and reached for his fork.

"Is so good to have you... um what is it? Reuben right?"

Sherry was leaning toward Reuben with a wide smile that seemed to threaten the elasticity of her face.

Reuben nodded, "That's right, thank you so much for inviting me to have lunch with you guys, I didn't intend to take up on your family time."

Sherry waved a hand at him and giggled, "Nonsense, a friend of Alex always welcome to eat with us."

Alex snorted and gagged on a mouthful, it was somewhat painful watching the impressionist at work. Even more astonishing was the subtle way she seemed to have perfected the art, so much so that everyone surrounding the table seemed to believe it themselves. That they were one big happy common-law family, who entertained guests regularly and said grace before dinner. Alex was sure Sherry didn't even know her best friend's name.

Reuben, still smiling, turned to Alex, "you have a lovely family Alex, you should've introduced me sooner?"

Alex grunted and hunched over her plate, avoiding Sonti's quizzical frown, her plastic lashes sweeping over Reuben and then Alex, like a villain sorceress, scooping out new subjects for her fiendish plot.

Despite the fact that when she'd gotten home New Year's day she'd promised herself that she was done with Reuben, that nothing he could say or do could convince her that he was different, she was happy to see him here. And before he approached her after lunch she could see the remorse oozing off of him and she knew he meant what he said when he said he was sorry.

"It's fine," she said.

They were sitting in the living room, all the others had retreated to their various areas as always; Sherry and Ryan were on the balcony upstairs finishing the bottle of Champagne and that's as far as Alex would let her imagination go. Leon was in his bedroom working on his assignment, Rachel could be heard in the back yard throwing her ball against the wall. Sonti was a mystery as usual.

"No it's not," Reuben countered, "I know that I acted like a jerk and I know I might have hurt your feelings. I need you to understand that it had nothing to do with you, you're a great person, am just... I've got a lot on my plate right now."

Alex nodded, "I guess I could understand that, and she's really pretty too, so I could imagine how it must hurt to lose her," she said swallowing a feeling she'd never experienced so strongly before; jealousy.

He nodded, looking gloomy for a while; then he looked up at her with a smile, "but that's all over now, I promise. Lisa is... history. Tomorrow I have to go pick something up for my mother; I want you to come along, if it's not a problem of course. My friend suggested we take some time to really get to know each other and hopefully avoid disputes like these. Plus I could use your input."

"And would that friend happen to be the mysterious James?" she asked.

He grinned, "so you did meet him?"

"Enough times to give him the green light, he must be a really great friend?"

Reuben nodded, a distant, thoughtful look in his chocolate brown eyes, "Um... yes, he's alright."

"And by the way, I would love to hang out with you tomorrow," she said, and maybe in the next couple years I could reveal that my family is in fact the most dysfunctional one you may ever come upon.

She dropped her weight heavily on a bench outside the mall and bowed her head on her knee, "I can't go another step. I refuse to," she whined breathlessly.

Reuben chuckled, "just one more store, come on Alex. Besides the car is parked right here, not much walking to get back... I'll buy you a drink."

Alex looked up at him exasperatedly, "when you said you had to pick something up, I assumed you already knew where you were going, or more importantly, what you were picking up. Look we're right back where we started."

She stood up and planted her arms on her hips, "I will take you up on that drink though.

Reuben smiled, hiking his bag strap up on his shoulder, "I'm a man of my word."

"I like people who keep their word," she said as she started walking toward another store.

It was a small jewellery store, small but captivating. Elegant chandeliers hung from the ceiling, casting celestial white rays on the polished glass cases holding fine pieces of silver, gold and shimmering stone.

"Even if we do find something here, I doubt you could afford it," said Alex.

But Reuben wasn't fazed by the possibility of not being able to afford it, as far as he saw, he'd been enjoying the fruits of a life he couldn't afford for a long time now, and he valued his mother so much that he would empty his entire savings to make her birthday special, even with her inevitable scolding.

He stepped forward and started perusing the pieces on display, his brows drawn in concentration. Alex shrugged and followed.

In the glass case on her right were rows of shiny silver and gold angel ornaments. Her gaze fell on a stooping angel, leaning upon his sword like a champion of battle, his lean arms visible beneath his broad wings, raised high on his back as he looked up reverently.

"Can I see that one please?" she pointed to the armed angel until the waiting salesman picked it up and placed it before her.

Reuben leaned over her shoulder, the heat from his face warming hers.

"I've always had a thing for angels, and it has nothing to do with my name" she said, pausing to breathe. He was way too close for her sanity.

"My dad used to tell me all these wonderful things. Those were the days I actually liked being called Angel."

Reuben reached out and picked up the silver ornament, turning it around in his hands with a thoughtful frown, deliberately avoiding her eyes, "what kind of wonderful things?" he asked.

She shrugged, turning slightly so she could see his expression, and also put some distance between them.

"He used to tell me how powerful they are, how God sometimes sends them here on earth to bring divine messages," she was smiling dreamily now, looking down at the others as she recalled her father's angel stories.

"They're supposed to be the most beautiful creatures, and we're all supposed to have one of them watching over us."

"Guardian angels," Reuben said.

She smiled up at him, "yeah, this one must be a war angel. If you had to be one, which would you be?"

He scrunched up his nose at the ornament looking up at him, "I don't know, but whatever I was I would miss being me. This human being whom Christ died for, just because he loved him," he said, as he reached over and took up one of the plastic cases he'd been looking at earlier.

"But why settle for angels Alex," he was looking directly at her now, a hint of a smile on his handsome face, "why should you settle for silver statues when you can have something more beautiful, more powerful..." he opened the box and turned it to face her, "...more constant and so real. Why not try for a relationship with God who is more majestic than his creations, who loves you in spite of everything and would never forsake you."

Alex looked down at the most beautiful broach she'd ever seen, not that it was elegant or glittered richly, but it was a simple gold cross with tiny costume diamonds on the face of it, fitting comfortably into the web Reuben had so carefully woven with his words. He turned it so it could catch the light and it glittered as though possessing magical, celestial qualities. In that moment she didn't care that he was trying to preach to her.

He shrugged, "of course this is just a piece of metal and what am really referring to is Christ himself," he said, "no one can come to the father except through him," he looked directly at her with dancing eyes, "I am the way, I am truth, I am life," he looked down at the pendant and pursed his lips, "this, is just a reminder of the consistency of his love."

"It is beautiful."

Reuben looked right at her, his eyes dancing with his smile and it felt as though there was no one else in the store but the two of them.

She looked away, breaking the spell he seemed to be casting with his smile, "Your mom would love it," she said.

"It's yours," he said.

Alex looked back at him sharply, "no, I can't."

"Please, consider it an early birthday present," he closed the box and lifted it toward her, "happy sixteenth birthday in advance."

She gapped at him, feeling her stomach do a sudden somersault that made her sick, "how'd you... I didn't say I was..."

"I know. I wasn't surprised at how old you are, as a matter of fact I don't really care, what bothers me is the fact that you felt you needed to lie to me," he said this easily, like he'd perfected James way of scolding.

Alex shook her head refusing to respond, not being able to respond. She took a tentative step backward.

He leaned forward, his voice just above a whisper, "look I know life hasn't been straight forward with you, nothing ever seems to be what it is and you feel you need to lie about things you believe make you a liability or a target. I get that, but I need you to understand that you don't need to lie, ever."

Alex glared at him, her grey eyes like reflective marbles, and with a snort stormed out of the store. Placing the case on the counter, he dashed out after her.

"Alex wait!"

She was leaning against the car in the parking lot when he caught up with her, standing there, arms folded across her chest and pouting rudely.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to offend you," he said breathlessly.

She shrugged, "did you get your mom's things?" she asked nonchalantly, lowering her gaze to hide the embarrassment staining her eyes.

He stared at her thoughtfully before he responded, "no... I wanted to be sure you were alright first, that I didn't make you mad at me."

She smiled wryly, "I'm fine."

"So that's it, you're just gonna avoid everything, act like I said nothing at all. I'd prefer it if you were mad at me."

"I heard you alright! What'd you expect? Me breaking down into tears as I throw myself against you, pitying myself? So I lied, who doesn't? And don't tell me Jesus didn't, I'm tired of you preaching to me!"

She shook her head, looking at him with stormy eyes, her brows drawn over them in confusion, "just get your mother's stuff will you, I'm not mad at you Reuben."

He looked at her with a sad frown, dropping his hands to his side in resignation; then he nodded and headed back to the building, feeling like he'd made such a mess of things.

Alex sulked on their way back, refusing to even look over at Reuben, who was already feeling quite disappointed in himself, without her pouting and glaring at him while he drove. They finally pulled up in her yard. Reuben parked and looked over at her; she was already getting out.

"Alex, wait."

She turned and looked at him blankly, "what is it?" she asked.

"Look I realize that I might be pushing a bit and I can see that it's making you uncomfortable, but I never meant for that to come between our friendship or make things difficult between us. It's just that I care about you, I care about what decisions you make and how they affect you, and I care about the way you look at me. Please don't get out of the car mad at me."

With her eyes lowered, she shook her head; he could see she was struggling with what she wanted to say, "you know how I told you back at the store how my dad always told me stories about angels?"

He nodded, wondering where this was going, particularly because of the solemnity in her voice, husky and breathy just a little above a whisper. He tried not to think about how attractive he thought that was. After all this was Alex.

"My father was usually very straightforward with me, I didn't have much sugar coating, I think it was particularly effective because he always had a story. He told me this story once..."

Reuben was looking at her intently, the overhead car light revealing the pain evoked by this memory, now etched into her features. After a long time he was seeing the tormented girl he'd first met.

"He told me that many years ago in a far away land there was a certain impoverished village, where missionaries would always go to bring food and supplies and taught the people that some of their beliefs were wrong and dangerous to their own health.

There was a group that didn't like them, they didn't like what they were doing, telling them how to live and how to eat, so they ambushed two of them one night, killing one of them and they left him lying in the street until the cops came. It really scared me then; I couldn't understand why someone would want to hurt people who only wanted to help them."

She turned those unnerving eyes on him and frowned, shaking her head, "those people constantly rejected the help offered to them. They gave up on themselves before anyone else could and even though those brutal people were arrested and punished, that place will always be remembered for rejecting a helping hand. My father wasn't a religious guy, but you know what he wanted me to learn from that Reuben?"

"What?"

"That you don't disregard people just because they tell you the truth," her eyes were bright, so much so that Reuben was afraid she might cry. He didn't know if he could handle Alex crying.

"I had no right to get mad at you, I just felt...you pointed out to me something I would've never admitted," she looked up at him and grimaced, "I'm a liar, just like my mom, just like my father, just like Ryan... I was just pretending to be better than they were. I feel like I can trust you to be honest with me."

She sighed, looking at him with less indifference; she bit her lip thoughtfully, wrung her hands in her lap for a moment, then reached over and hugged him.

Reuben slipped his arms around her and closed his eyes, breathing in her smell and recognizing with a bit of confusion that he liked it and knew it. She made him feel a way he had not felt in a long time. When they finally let go and they looked at each other, both were smiling.

"Have a good evening, tell your mom I said happy birthday."

He smiled, squinting his eyes, "I've got a better idea. Come to the little party we're having tomorrow, it'll be a good opportunity for you guys to meet, what do you say?"

She smiled, "I'd love to," she replied, holding his gaze for longer than was appropriate.

She got out of the car and shut the door behind her, then leaned through the window and graced him with one of her rare smiles, "thank you for caring, I'll see ya tomorrow."

"Alex?"

She turned around, "yeah?"

He pursed his lips, "uh... have a good night."

She nodded, was still smiling at him, but there was a hint of something in her eyes that made his heart soar. Something good was happening. As she hurried up the drive, Reuben grinned excitedly, he didn't know what he was so excited about, but it thrilled him to feel like this after such a long time. He took one last look at the house, then frowned as he started the car.

"She's an angry sixteen year old, Reuben," he muttered as he pulled out onto the street.

15

Dangerously Good Looking

Alex tiptoed through the house and dashed up the stairs to her room; she pulled the door behind her easily, until she heard the click of the lock, and exhaled.

She'd made it up to her room without being caught by Sherry or Sonti; it wasn't that they were particularly demanding. It was just that all her extra-curricular expeditions were beginning to take its toll on her and by her she was referring to her school work.

"You know sometimes I forget that I actually have a roommate."

She turned around to find Rachel sitting at her desk, looking up at her with her head cocked to one side while she brushed the long blond tangled locks of her Barbie.

"Rachel?"

"Were you expecting someone else?" she stopped brushing and arched a brow suspiciously, "is just the two of us in here right?"

Alex chuckled, "of course," she said as she bent to remove her sneakers, just as an aggravated voice screamed out her name from downstairs.

"Oh yeah, I forgot," said Rachel, "Sonti was looking for you."

"Alex!" came the angry voice again, sounding closer than it was before.

Alex stumbled and quickly regained her balance just before she got the shoe off, "I shouldn't have gone to that party with her, now she won't leave me alone," she moaned.

Rachel looked over at her with wide eyes, "Sonti took you to a party? That is awesome, that means she must really like you."

"Yeah well am not going again. I don't have a wealthy grandmother to take care of me after I finish school," said Alex.

"Alex!"

Rachel shook her head and put aside her doll, "look her here," she called back, "you'll thank me later," she said, ignoring Alex's glare.

"She likes you. She took you out with her. Did you meet her friends?" she continued without waiting for an answer, "that means that anything other than that and you're her enemy, she'll make your life like hell on earth and trust me, comparing her to the devil is a euphemism."

Alex could only stare at Rachel in awe. How old was she again? Suddenly the door burst open and Sonti stood in the doorway, looking considerably calm compared to her boisterous entrance. She looked directly at Alex.

"Are you ready?

Alex stood immobile, blinking at her as though she might actually disappear if she thought about it real hard.

"Kane Collins has a VIP only party at his club tonight, remember? We were invited. Let's go."

"Uh... I... I just got back from...uh town so..." Alex sputtered.

"and now you have time to try on the dress I got you," Sonti finished for her, turning toward the door, "let's go then."

Alex swallowed hard, "look Sonti, I've got lots of labs to finish and I have an exam tomorrow, which I haven't even begun to study for so..."

Sonti turned around slowly, regarding her with the coldest gaze ever, daring her to choose school work over her precious Kane Collins.

"But.... I can do that later," Alex said with a nervous grin, "Kane Collins is way more important. Wait did you say dress to try on?"

If Sonti picked up the sarcasm, she didn't show it, instead she turned and stalked out of the room, "my room now," she called back.

They waltzed into the brightly lit room side by side, and were immediately greeted by the host. His dazzling flirty smile going before him.

"Sonti!" he exclaimed in a rich French accent, "Como cava?"

They embraced and planted a light kiss on each other's cheek, and then the man turned his attention to a self-conscious Alex.

"And you brought your friend again?" he asked, his bold eyes already perusing her.

"This is Alex," Sonti replied.

Alex gave a timid wave, while her other hand smooth the front of the mini dress Sonti had gotten her. Her hair was in loose twist outs reaching just above her shoulders, as Sonti had suggested had suggested she wear it.

"Hi," she squeaked.

"Ah Alex, you looked like such a fright the first time I saw you," he said as he took her hand and lifted it to his lips.

"It's a pleasure to finally meet you up close," he paused still leaning over her hand, "just as beautiful as from afar. I am Kane."

She blushed visibly under his searching eyes; he had a full head of dark wavy hair, with dark brown eyes shadowed by jet black bushy brows, and an athletic build; his powerful biceps pushing against his close fitting T-shirt. She wouldn't describe him as handsome, there was no way he could match Reuben's pure attractiveness. He was more what she would call, dangerously good-looking.

"Have you ever been here before?" he asked. It was pointless to try to explain the effect his accent and flirty smile had on her; it was written all over her flushed face.

"Uh...no" she replied.

He extended a hand, "Then let's ensure your first night is enjoyable. Come meet the others."

Kane took them up some stairs at the back of the restaurant which led them to a bar; dark and smoky, with flashing neon lights and deafeningly loud music. They walked past a small crowd dancing drunkenly on the dance floor and he waved to a group at a table at the far side. His simple greeting was met with loud boisterous cheers.

"Hey guys," Sonti greeted as she took a seat. Kane placed his hands on Alex's shoulders and pulled her closer to him.

"Everyone, I like you to meet Alex, Sonti's friend. This is her first night with us so let us make her feel welcome."

There were two guys at the table, both of whom were knocking back beers, and lining the empty bottles up on the table in front of them.

Kane sat her down next to them and introduced her to each one. The lanky guy with the cornrows who seemed to have already had too many beers, was Dave, he ogled her with blood shot dark brown eyes. The other guy was Benjy, he was broader than Kane with a much softer build and he didn't seem sober either.

There was one other girl there and she was under the arm of Benjy who kept turning to whisper drunkenly in her ear, apparently she didn't think it was nonsensical because she giggled each time.

Kane slipped his arm on the back of Alex's chair possessively and leaned close to her ear so she could hear him above the loud music. The throbbing bass was annoying, and the lyrics narcissistic and demoralizing, making Alex continually cringe.

"So Alex, how about a drink?" Kane asked.

"Oh no, am fine" she replied.

Kane clucked his tongue and shook his head, "Hey it is on the house," he persisted, "It's my place you know and my cousin is the bartender here," he explained.

"I've never heard of it before," Alex said, avoiding his distracting eyes.

Kane chuckled, "it's relatively new," he replied, eyes still glued on her, scanning her face, reading her every twitch.

"I'll have a Sprite."

He laughed loudly as though she was the number one comedian of the era.

The others turned to look at him, eager to get in on it.

"She wants a Sprite," he said with a wide grin.

Sonti smiled sympathetically at Alex, "She just needs to loosen up a bit," she said as Dave nuzzled her neck, "she isn't used to this. Spends most of her time with her nose between a book, like a book mark", Sonti looked smugly at the others as though she had done Alex a huge favour. All Alex could think about was the catching up she would have to do after tonight.

Kane looked at Alex with new found intrigue, "Oh really, we must really be creeping you out," he said almost sympathetically, then he smiled, "I've got just the thing" he said and got up from the table, "be right back."

Alex exhaled as she had her personal space once more, she looked over at Sonti who was now making out with Dave and her stomach churned in disgust, now she was sure she didn't want to be here. This was a much faster pace than last time.

Kane came back and placed a pretty looking drink before her, she lifted a brow. It didn't look dangerous, it was actually quite cute, like the colours of a sunset. He sat down next to her again and slid the drink closer.

"Have a go at it, you'll like it," he leaned toward her, "it's called sex on the beach."

A blatant blush crawled up Alex neck to her cheek and she ducked her head, hoping they wouldn't notice in club lighting. She stared at the pretty glass and she thought of all the reasons why trying it might be a bad idea. She'd never been the kind of girl who drank or partied just so she could have something to boast about at school the next day and that was reason enough. But for some strange reason she thought of Reuben, and with Reuben came the thought of James, and James and Reuben brought thoughts of God, and Alex found these days, that once He got into her head it was hard to shake him.

"I think I'll pass," she said firmly.

The looks of disappointment and disgust aimed at her, twisted her resolve and she felt herself weakening. She looked down at the glass again and then up at Sonti, who was looking at her with a sympathetic smile.

She took a deep breath, "I don't want any alcohol, especially one with that name."

Kane chuckled he clearly found her innocence humorous.

"I'll have a Sprite if that's okay."

Kane smiled at her, "a Sprite it is," he said, but his eyes said something different.

He looked like a daredevil staring at the ultimate death ramp, like a race car driver looking at the ultimate route. Alex glanced at him from the corner of her eyes, then pushed the drink to the centre of the table and turned to smile pleasantly at him.

"Thank you very much."

Kane dropped them home at around two in the morning as Sonti was too drunk to walk much less to drive. After Alex helped her to her room, she went down to the kitchen hoping to find something substantial to eat before hitting the books, it was going to be a long night.

She found Ryan sitting in the dark with just the pale light from the open refrigerator.

"Ryan?" she turned on the lights.

He was sitting at the table with a bag of ice pressed against his mouth; Alex noticed the two dark drops of dried blood on the front of his shirt.

"Did mom do that?" she asked, having seen Sherry's handiwork on several men. If that was the case it wasn't good news. This usually signified the end of said relationship, or the start of one.

Ryan chuckled drily, "I wish she'd bother enough to punch me," he replied, "it was just business, I guess."

Alex took a box of milk from the open fridge, and poured some cereal into a bowl, "What kind of business man are you?"

He shrugged "An extremely broke one as of today."

She sighed, "Made it official huh?"

He nodded, "yep, took out another mortgage on the house and blew through a company investment but at least all my debts to those creeps are paid. All I need to worry about now is losing this house and meeting my monthly quota, which is a big step upward from being beaten to death by a bunch of sharks."

"You should let mom look at that," she gestured to his swollen lips.

Ryan shook his head and got up, "nah, I don't want her to worry."

She smiled sadly at Ryan, "Everyone's going to have to know eventually Ryan. You know that right?"

He shrugged, "doesn't make it any easier."

He got up, picked up his ice pack and keys and staggered out of the kitchen. Alex watched him leave, stirring her cereal absently as she thought of the days to come that would lead up to that inevitable disaster. She still hadn't prepared herself to return to her old home and she wasn't sure she would ever be ready.

Then it dawned on her; a mischievous smile eased its way onto her face. With Ryan's cowardice and Sherry's oblivion, there was only one person left in this equation to do something. After all she was used to fixing her mother's mistakes. She dropped her spoon and dashed out the side door to the garage.

Ryan had left the door to his office open, so she snuck in and went to his desk, "there's got to be a contact number here somewhere," she muttered as she rummaged through the desk drawers and messy table top.

It was distractingly quiet and Alex kept looking up at the door, partly expecting to see Ryan's angry face emerge from the darkness as she searched through his things.

"Yes!" she hissed as she picked up an address book with the name Edna Hartley written at the top of the first page, followed by an address and contact number. She knew that this Edna Hartley was just who she was looking for; Ryan's deceased wife's mother, the last hope for Ryan's redemption. She quickly punched in the number onto her phone and snuck out of the office, pulling the heavy door quietly behind her.

16

First Love

"You're the nicest lady friend I've ever seen my dad with."

Sherry couldn't help being flattered by his simple words, no one had ever referred to her as nice; she had been called all the negative names that could possibly be given to a woman in this country.

"You think so?"

He nodded, "and so does my dad and that says a lot. You're not the first woman he's dated since our mother died you know."

She did know that, but she'd never felt inclined to dwell on it, she wasn't exactly one to judge and the idea of Ryan with another woman in this house as she was now was too bothersome. It made her somewhat fearful about the outcome of their relationship.

Leon must have noticed the uneasy look in her eyes or he may have suspected the direction of her thoughts by the brief flicker of fear and jealousy across her face.

"But you're the first he's ever asked to move in. I have a good feeling about you."

"A good feeling huh?" she grimaced. Was this the way the men in her life felt? Like they were on trial, wondering if Sherry would keep them, or rather when she would let them go?

Leon smiled; a mischievous twinkle in his dark brown eyes. "At first I was kinda sorry for you, when I heard you were pregnant, because that's my dad. If a woman is pregnant, he would move mountains to do the honourable thing, and be with his child. But then it turned out that you weren't, and my dad... seemed somehow relieved, he was happier. So I waited and I waited but nothing happened, you two are still together and he is still head over heels for you. So that's when I realised that that bounce in his step wasn't because he was relieved that there was no baby to tie him down. It was because he knew now that he had you all to himself, no baby to come between you just yet. I just know that you're here to stay."

Sherry couldn't help smiling; she too was surprised by Ryan's reaction to the baby issue, he was a bit upset at first that she didn't come to him right away, and that she thought he was only there for her because she was pregnant with his child. But after their boisterous quarrel, everything was well again.

"One question Sher, do you love my father?"

Sherry was pensive for a moment; she did not expect him to ask that question, so for a moment she was fearful that she might not know how to answer. Surprisingly though, the answer was right on the tip of her tongue and without thinking she replied.

"I do, I love yuh father" she smiled at Leon, "As a matter of fact, he is the second man that I ever feel that way about, and strangely is like I have a place for him and that other person too. I guess once you love, you love for long, you know."

Leon made a face that said he had no idea what she was talking about and Sherry smiled.

"You have time."

"Hmm I keep looking for proof that it exists..."

Sherry didn't reply, she wasn't always a firm believer in love. She knew what it was to be used, rejected and abused, love... love had come around once for her, until Ryan proved that it could happen again. Still she was waiting for the ball to drop, that inevitable heart break that comes with it.

After a brief pause Leon spoke up, "So if Ryan's the second who was the first? If you don't mind me asking"

She looked down at her hand, "I don't think I should Leon, you might..."

"Sherry it doesn't matter to me, Ryan and I don't get along that well so you don't have to worry about me accidently spilling; besides he isn't perfect."

Sherry sighed, what was she afraid of anyway? Declan had lost his hold on her the day he left.

"His name were Declan" she said.

She smiled sadly, "He was the first man I ever fall in love with. We met at a fair, he was so handsome; tall and sexy with hair that looked almost black as night. He had the most beautiful eyes I had ever seen. Me and all my friends noticed him, but they was too busy noticing his white skin and thin lips to see what I seen. They say he was just ah out of place white man, trying to look like he belong. But me, I saw a kind man who knew how to take care of a woman, a man with class and proper upbringing. You could imagine my reaction when he walk up to me...

Declan walked up to Sherry the minute she was alone, he didn't know she'd drifted away from her friends just to accommodate him. She was captivated by his timid smile and oval eyes; a cool blue, almost grey, that reminded her of rain.

"Hello, I'm Declan."

"Hi" Sherry was suddenly shy; she didn't know if it was his sincere gaze or his accent that had suddenly turned her timid.

"Are you having fun?"

"Yes is a very nice fair this year," she was now conscious of her English, she wondered if she phrased it right. He didn't seem to notice.

They stood awkwardly side by side for a little while. Sherry didn't know what to say to break the ice and that was strange considering she was usually a talkative flirt. Then again, this was a man of a different calibre, and it didn't help that he wasn't as bold as most men she knew. Usually all she had to do was play along with them when they flirted. The fact that this stranger didn't, posed a problem for her charm.

He looked over at her suddenly, with determined eyes, as though he had been summoning the courage during the silence and he'd decided to just get it out.

"I've been watching you all evening and I think that you are absolutely gorgeous, breath taking really. I would be an utter fool to allow this night to come to an end without at least getting your name," he rambled, his thick accent making it hard for her to understand, so that even after he was finished she was still deciphering what he'd said.

She was surprised at his sudden outburst, but even more she was flattered at what he'd said, no man had ever spoken to her like that before. With so much respect and timid fear as if rejection from her was mortifying. Her, Sherry Moore, the village's hottest topic.

She smiled up at him and she thought she saw his magical eyes dance.

"Listen eh, I gonna give you my number and name, but only after you dance with me."

"But....am afraid I'm a terrible dancer," he sputtered, "I wouldn't want to disappoint you."

Sherry smiled and grabbed his hand, a sudden excitement taking her over, "You think I don't know that," she said as she pulled him into the crowd.

He smiled as she playfully tiptoed to his ear and whispered sultrily, "after all, I been watching you all night."

Sherry looked up at Leon who was leaning forward, eyes wide with interest, as she told her story.

"That night we had so much fun together, when he left I was disappointed because I thought I never would of never see him again, what would a man like him want with a girl like me?"

She sighed and shook her head as the memories played back in her head, "so I was shocked when he turned up on my doorstep with flowers to ask me out. I was real touched Leon. I hadn't been treated like that before; no man had ever asked me out before, like a real date. He was nervous like he was afraid I would turn him down, of course I didn't. He didn't just get my name that night, he get my heart too."

Her eyes were bright with unshed tears. Talking about him now, like this, brought back not only the memory of what happened but the feelings he'd evoked in her, the love she had for him and the heartbreak she'd endured for years even before he'd gone.

"He moved in with me after about a month and by the next year we had Alex."

Leon perked up, "Declan is Alex's father? You never said that. What happened?"

"What does always happen, he move on."

It felt strange talking about all that after so long, but it was refreshing nonetheless. She wondered what Alex would think if she told her that she had been madly in love with her father and would never have let him go, even if he'd made it so difficult to hold on.

Reuben folded his hands behind his head and spun his chair around with his feet, "for the umpteenth time James I am not calling Alex."

"Why?

Reuben dropped his hands and stared at James quizzically.

"You're really gonna ask that question? Okay let's see, I just dropped her home from church after spending most of the morning with her, she has an SBA to hand up tomorrow, and she's way behind on her study plan. So she's really not all that warm and cuddly as you may well understand. And I don't blame her, considering the exams that will determine the rest of her academic future is merely a month away."

James sighed and started tossing Reuben's basketball across the room again, after a couple throws, he pouted his lips and shook his head.

"She's not at home studying," he said.

Reuben rolled his eyes, "Won't you relax? She's fine. You saw her in Church this morning, doesn't she look... like she's moving forward."

"It's easy to say we're moving forward when everything is going right, but then we don't know the value of the faith we'll need when things get tough... and they will, especially for Alex. She's still holding out on God, she's afraid to trust Him, she's afraid to trust us."

"Everyone has their own pace man, chill out. What's with you and Alex's salvation? If you've been a Christian as long as I know you've been, then you'd understand that not everyone gets it."

James glared at him, "I never thought I'd ever hear you talk like that. She's dying James! She's dying just as I was dying when God saved me..." he stopped and shook his head suddenly overcome with emotion.

Reuben leaned forward, "I'm sorry man, I didn't mean it like that."

He wouldn't admit to James then, but what he said shook him. Sometimes he forgot what salvation meant, but hearing James put it like that, made it clearer in his head. Alex was dying and God wanted to save her.

He sighed deeply, "what's Alex to you James?"

The silence that followed seemed to have extended over the whole neighbourhood, but Reuben waited for the answer he knew James would eventually give. Until he felt the vibration against his leg and the annoying ringtone pierced the silence.

"Hold that thought," he said as he reached into his pocket and took out his cellular. He watched the number flashing across the screen.

"It's Lisa," he said with a sigh.

James looked up at him and narrowed his eyes. Reuben stared at his phone.

"Aren't you going to answer it?" he asked.

Reuben pursed his lips and tossed the phone on the bed, then turned back to James with a smirk,

"Today is Sunday, he said, "I'm taking a rest from the drama."

"Ahhh that's the way," James said, nodding proudly, "so I guess you're finally over her."

Reuben shook his head, "I wish, but don't try to change the subject," he said, jabbing a finger at James.

James chuckled, "You know what...." he started just as Reuben's phone started ringing again.

Reuben rolled his eyes, "oh come on," he moaned.

"Maybe you should hear her out," James suggested.

Reuben picked up the phone, "you think so?"

James shrugged. Rueben closed his eyes briefly, uttering a quick prayer for patience as he lifted the phone to his ear.

"Hello. What?... oh no... Lisa slow down," he looked up at James who was looking at him quizzically.

"Hey, hey, don't worry, I'll be right over."

He hung up and frowned, "I have to go," he said.

"What? No, dude, you don't have to go to her whenever she calls."

Reuben got up and pulled on his shoes, "no, but I can't just leave her when she needs me just because she broke my heart. She's still a sister in Christ."

James rolled his eyes, "then let another brother in Christ deal with it, a brother like.... hmmm I don't know, Craig."

But Reuben was already out the door. James tapped his head with the ball and shook his head, "that guy is so sprung," he muttered.

Lisa fell into his arms, while his hands were still lifted to knock; he gapped, staggering backward, his eyes wide with surprise.

"Lisa..." he started, holding her awkwardly.

"Roo, I know you must be so confused right now, but I had to see you, I've missed you so much," she crooned, lifting her big, bold brown eyes toward him. The eyes that had captured his heart from the very start and the ones that still haunted his sleep even now.

He drew her away at arm's length, eyes narrowed suspiciously.

"What about your Grandmother?" he asked, "you said she fell."

She shook her head, smiling, "it wasn't as bad as I thought," she said, "but when I saw you something just soared inside of me, I've missed you Roo-Roo."

Reuben pursed his lips, deliberately avoiding her eyes as he looked through the opened door.

"Well, where is she? he asked.

Lisa sighed and released him. Taking him by the hand again, she led him inside to her Grandmother's room. He tried to ignore the way her hand felt in his, she wasn't his anymore.

The spirited old lady was sitting up in her chair knitting, an ice pack resting on her knee as she hummed a hymn. She looked up just as Reuben and Lisa entered.

"Oh my!" she exclaimed, dropping her knitting.

"Hello, Sister Hagley," Reuben greeted, going to her to plant a light kiss on her cheek.

Sister Hagley smiled contentedly, "oh I was so sad when I hear allyuh break up, but I am so glad yuh here now...together," she looked at him and winked mischievously and Lisa bowed her head in embarrassment.

"Oh no, Sister Hagley, we're not back together," Reuben explained as he took a seat on a stool next to her bed.

"I just came by to make sure you were okay. Oh by the way, mom said she'd send over the vegetables she promised you tomorrow... if I remember to remind her."

Sister Hagley smiled pleasantly, "oh yuh such a sweet boy," she crooned, reaching up to tap his face appreciatively, "I don't understand why Lisa would ever want to break your loving heart," and she shot the girl a cutting stare behind Reuben's back.

"Anyway, ease your mind darling, am alright. Just a little tumble and a bump on the knee, as far as I see it there are bigger matters needing attending to than my little knee."

She lowered her head and regarded the two of them over her spectacles. Reuben chuckled nervously and turned to look at Lisa, who shrugged and gave an awkward smile.

"You know she's right Reuben, we do have things to talk about."

Reuben nodded, feeling his chest tighten with apprehension.

"Would you like to go out in the veranda and talk?"

"Sure," he said with a strained smile, then turned around and placed a reassuring hand on Mrs. Hagley's arm, "see you in a little Sister."

Out on the veranda, things were awkward. Reuben stood staring outside with his hands shoved deep in his pocket, looking rather thoughtful. Lisa stood wringing her hands thinking of the best way to launch a conversation.

"Reuben I am really sorry," she said finally, "I was confused, I had a hard time in New York and I was re-evaluating a lot of things in my life and I made a mistake because I thought our relationship was putting a strain on me. But it was a rash decision, 'cause now I realize not having you around was the heaviest weight I had to carry."

Reuben inhaled sharply still not daring to look right at her, "so what about Craig? Did you think he was a lighter weight than I was, so you just exchanged me for him," he was rather calm compared to the emotional tumult inside of him.

Lisa gapped, shaking her head, "I... it wasn't anything like that Roo, I just... didn't think."

Now he turned to look at her, "so what do you want to do now?" he asked.

Lisa sighed, "whatever you want to do," she replied, "I'm done making the decisions in this relationship."

He lifted a brow, "In this relationship?" he retorted.

"Whatever we go through Roo, whether we go through it together or apart, you'll always be the one I love, and I'll always be your rib," and she smiled sweetly, reassuringly, pleadingly.

Reuben swallowed hard, how was he supposed to overcome the storm raging within him? How was he supposed to suppress the joy that was bubbling up with her looking at him like that? Saying all the things he'd always longed to hear her say; all mixed up with that feeling of betrayal; that still raw hurt.

There was only one thing left to do, and that was to wrap her in his arms and pray with all his might that she could feel what he couldn't say. And as he did, Lisa clung to him and he could feel her smiling against his chest but to his surprise that was all he really did feel. She looked up at him now with those bold brown eyes and smiled, "I love you Roo-Roo."

His only response was to smile and nod, maybe he needed to give himself time to adjust to her being his again and then everything will be just the way it used to be.

17

Where's the Background Music?

Alex stood on the other side of the road and looked up at the huge house on the hill; if she'd thought Ryan's house was exquisite she hadn't seen anything yet. She walked up to it and pressed her face to the large gate.

A grumpy looking man stopped his gardening and squinted at her, "what you want?" he asked, squinting daggers at her.

"I'm here to see Mrs. Hartley," she replied.

"She ain't seeing no visitors today, go 'bout your business little girl," he snapped and turned away from her.

Alex gapped. She hadn't expected that, but not even a grumpy old gardener could make her change her mind. She had promised Ryan to be quiet but she didn't promise to do nothing. There was no way she was going to stand by and let him drag what was left of her family down with him. She left the front gate and surrounded the area, hoping to find another way in.

With her cheeks pressed against the rough brick fence, she gripped the wall and pulled herself up to peer into one of the many square holes in the concrete fence in order to make a quick survey of the yard. She had to balance on the edge of the short wall over the drain, straining her toes in her tennis shoes.

Suddenly a disapproving baritone floated up to her and she froze.

"There better be a good explanation for you climbing that wall."

"Oh God," she moaned, feeling her hands grow sweaty where they gripped the wall.

"God? Hmm God especially has his ideas about doors, and thieves scaling walls," he spoke with a coolness that wouldn't be expected from a guy in his current position.

Alex took a deep breath, now realizing that this was probably not the best idea. She tried to step back from the wall only to find that she couldn't find the bank with her feet. But as she was about to fall back and risk twisting her ankle, she felt a strong arm grab her about the waist, simultaneously swinging her feet over into another strong arm.

As the stranger held her, securely like a patient rather than a thief, a cool musky aroma wafted around her head; the hint of cologne that lingers on a man's skin long after the occasion when he puts it on. Strong enough to survive hard work, the kind she could tell this guy had been doing before he caught himself a thief. She could feel the sweat on his shirt where her hands clung to him in panic.

Just as quickly as he'd grabbed her, she was back on her feet again. She lifted fearful apologetic eyes to his and found herself drawn to eyes the colour of ground cocoa. He couldn't have been much older than her; mother's milk was almost dripping off his smooth face.

"A pretty girl like you would look awfully dismal with no fingers," he said, opening and closing his pruner so it made a blood-curdling squeaking sound.

She felt a chill sidle down her spine and stepped back, "I'm sorry... I"

He didn't move, but continued to stare at her, one corner of his lip curving slightly in cruel amusement as he waited for the explanation.

"I wanted to see Mrs. Hartley, she knows am coming but that grumpy old man up front, didn't even listen to me. I just thought there might be another way in..."

"Yes? And climbing her fence would surely get you into her good graces."

She wrung her hands, "I wasn't actually going to climb that wall," she said, "I was just looking around."

He nodded his head in agreement and the smile that had been playing across his face finally burst through.

"What's so funny?" she asked.

"I wouldn't have found this amusing if you had dropped onto those flowers," he said and her eyes shifted to where he had carried her from. There was a row of fragile looking plants mere inches from the wall. He'd lifted her over them.

"Sorry about that."

"It's okay, they would've done a number on your skin," he gestured to her bare legs, then extended his hand "I'm Julien, Mrs. Hartley's God-son and volunteer gardener."

She hesitated but eventually took it, "Angel, but everyone calls me Alex."

"Angel, that's nice," he said, behind a smirk. He said this easily but his eyes didn't shift from hers for a second.

She could feel the heat of her blush rising to her cheeks.

"Thanks, I prefer Alex though. So are you going to throw me out or am I going to get to see Mrs. Hartley?"

"Not much I can do now," he pointed to a figure moving slowly toward them from the far corner of the garden. An ugly pug was running ahead of her, it stood up straight as though electrified and bared it's sharp canines as Julien unlocked the narrow gate and ushered Alex in.

The woman was bent forward slightly and held a beautifully carved cane in her right hand, with arthritic knuckles gripping its handle. Her face was narrow with a sharp tipped nose and eyes drawn close together, with skin as pale and transparent as wax paper.

"She may be tiny but she is a formidable guard" she said, in response to Alex's expression.

"Had her bred specifically for my purpose; didn't come out so right but she's worth a fortune..." she narrowed her eyes at Alex, "mind you, she doesn't sit well with thieves."

Alex looked at the still ranting dog, at its thin spiky fur and weakly frame, thinking that somewhere along the way someone might've bamboozled Mrs. Hartley. The dog merely looked like a hairless, sickly poodle.

"Doubt anyone will wanna steal that," she murmured and Julien, having heard her, snickered, holding his fingers over his lips to conceal it.

"Now what are you doing here young lady?" the woman asked.

Julien cleared his throat, "I let her in Missus Hartley," he said.

This was Mrs. Hartley? Alex swallowed hard, she'd spoken to her before on the telephone and she was just as intimidating then as she was now. Now that the objective of her mission was staring her in the face she didn't know what she was supposed to do.

She searched the sharp aristocratic features for any resemblance of Ryan's children, but she couldn't find any.

"I need to talk to you" she said.

"About what?" came the grouchy response.

"I'm Alex, I spoke to you on the phone."

The old woman squinted her eyes in thought, then nodded slowly, "oh yes Alex, hmm, let's go in."

Alex sat at the edge of the dainty cushion and leaned forward, she couldn't help feeling out of place in the large expensively decorated room. Even the cushions appeared to be made of a rich fabric, fresh from the manufacturer. She was afraid she might leave a dent in it if she sat too comfortably.

"You have a nice living room ma'am, I love the painting."

Alex complimented, trying to fill in the awkward lapse in conversation as the woman wobbled about the room fixing cushions with her knobby hands and straightening ceramic pieces.

"That's a Willem de Kooning original," the old woman turned and squinted at her, Alex couldn't help shrinking under her dull hazel eyes.

"What did you say your name was again?" she asked as she made her way to the seat next to Alex.

"Alex" she replied, she was now starting to wonder why she'd come here, why she didn't leave well enough along.

Where was her voice of reason that night she had sneaked into Ryan's office?

"That's a rather queer name for a girl" she said with a frown.

"Actually it's Angel but no one calls me that, I use my middle name, Alexis."

"Alexis well that's better. Care for some tea?"

Alex shrugged; she had never been inclined to have tea at the middle of the day before. Tea wasn't even part of her usual diet if she had one at all.

"Uh sure" but she understood that it paid to be polite, declining tea might be a major social don't, just as her name seemed to be.

The woman turned slightly, "Yoland!" she called in her quaky voice.

In less than a minute a short dark woman appeared with a tray of tea cups and a floral ceramic mug. She looked up at Alex and smiled warmly, she had Julien's eyes and straight peaked nose, on a darker but equally smooth shade of brown. She placed the mug on the table before them and without a word filled two cups.

Alex watched as the yellow liquid flowed from the mug, steam rising from it. She wondered if strangers showing up unannounced were a norm with Mrs. Hartley. Following the old woman's lead, she picked up the other cup and tentatively sipped it, it was not as hot as she'd expected and it tasted like lemon; not at all unpleasant.

Meanwhile the woman looked at her through critical eyes, "let's get right to the matter. You want to talk about that scoundrel Ryan."

"Yes," she said setting down the cup carefully, "I know you don't have the best idea of him, but he's a great guy and he really needs your help. I'm asking you to put aside your past hurts and think about your grandchildren..."

The old woman's interest was clear, "they aren't really my grandchildren, their mother wasn't really my daughter, but a promise is a promise," her smile was devious.

The week had been stressful for Alex and there were assignments still pending; packed up on the desk she shared with Rachel in folders and notebooks in a messy stack. But that didn't stop her from jumping out of bed and dancing to the bathroom excitedly.

It didn't stop her from sliding into the kitchen with her socks on while she spun her sneakers around her fingers singing 'I feel Joy' by Jermaine Edwards, filling in the missing words with grunts and a jerking head. Thanks to Reuben she had a new playlist.

Things had turned out great after all. She'd clarified things with Mrs. Hartley, now she wasn't worried about Ryan finding out and trying to kill her and she'd met a really sweet and handsome guy, who she had no intentions or ideas about, not with Reuben on her mind all the time.

Sherry looked up from her breakfast and frowned, "what happen yuh so happy today?" she asked.

Alex shook her head and made a face at her before ducking into the fridge to take out the mug of lime juice.

"Where yuh heading for?" Sherry asked, as she got up to put her dishes in the sink.

Alex shrugged, "Out. The youth group in my church are having this beach thing," she replied, as she poured a glass full.

"Drink some tea child," Sherry upbraided, "and what kind of beach lime is that? I hope is not no funny business."

Alex chuckled, "don't worry moms, there's gonna be lots of prayers, singing, food and maybe some decent beach games with some very polite ladies and gentlemen that don't believe in funny business."

"Hmm, yuh sound real sure of that, but man is man eh, just remember that. Whether they have bible under arm or under bed, them is still man, so be careful."

Alex rolled her eyes, "haven't I always," she picked up two slices of bread and a sliced cheese.

"And why yuh wearing sneakers if you going on the beach? Where yuh slippers? Yuh a strange child nuh."

Alex laughed, "I'm not wearing one because I don't have one, you don't really buy me things remember," she explained.

Sherry sighed, "look by the door there and borrow mine, the brown one," she said.

Alex rolled her eyes, but proceeded to take off her worn out sneakers and socks.

"Don't stay out late," Sherry warned.

As Alex was about to pull the door behind her, she paused, frowned and turned around, taking in the image of Sherry in the kitchen and replaying their conversation in her head. She shook her head and closed the door behind her. Did Sherry just tell her to drink some tea?

Alex sat on the blanket among the other teenagers, listening attentively to the youth pastor speak; he was talking about prayer; communicating with God. There were at least twenty of them gathered under the shade on the blankets but Reuben wasn't one of them. It had disappointed Alex at first, when he'd called and told her he wouldn't be able to pick her up and she had to wait out on the main road to get the bus like everyone else. But after hanging out with the others she found that they were not that bad to be around. As a matter of fact, she was quite taken with the fact that there could be this many fun yet caring, dedicated and trustworthy people in the same place at the same time. She thought Reuben was special because he was the first guy she'd known who seemed to really care. Yet here were the young people in his church and it seemed like that was characteristic of most of them, most of them.

"....so you guys, from today let your prayers be a permanent part of your life, pray in faith and wait on God with equal measure. Pay attention to his word, which was given as a guide and comfort to God's people, and remember, prayer changes things," the youth pastor was saying.

He was a tall, thin man, with a pencil shaped head, not traditionally handsome, but he had this warmth that extended to all he touched and a humour to match. His wife was Carol, she sat beside him, her legs folded underneath her. Her husband nodded at her. Now she looked at Alex, making her squirm and lower her gaze. Carol smiled.

"Well as you all know, we have some new faces among us these days, our newest being Alexis," she smiled at Alex.

"Alex we want you to feel welcome among us at all times. I can see your interest and we all want you to grow in faith and make that very important step, which is to accept Jesus as your lord and saviour," she turned and took up her beach bag.

"So to show how much we care about your salvation and future in Christ we want to give you this gift, that we hope you would cherish and spend as much time with as you can."

She took out a package from her bag and handed it to Alex, leaning over to give her a friendly embrace, before she handed her the package. Alex smiled at her, feeling quite exuberant, not just because of the gesture but the love put into the gesture.

She opened it right there and unwrapped two books, the first was a small devotional. She took out the other and turned it over in her hand. Engraved on the face of it in gold were the words 'Holy Bible', Alex looked up at her appreciatively. If she'd been given this exact gift last year her reaction would've been different but a lot had changed in that time.

"Thank you," she said solemnly, thinking that maybe the time had come to stop running from God, not that he was running after her.

"We're glad you like it," said Carol, "now go have fun at the beach!"

As though on cue, everyone leapt to their feet and took off toward the beach, chattering excitedly. Alex got up and pushed her gift into her bag, just as one of the guys called her out to her.

"Aye Alex, cricket. Yuh playin'?"

She grinned, "I'm on your team," she called back.

Reuben didn't show up until around lunch time and by then Alex was too busy with the others to pay him much attention. He stood on the shore and watched her play water tag, a proud smile on his face. When she came out and finally acknowledged him, she was beaming.

"Umbrella girl," he greeted, "I'm sorry I was late this morning, but it seems like you didn't mind."

She shrugged, "it was fine," she replied, "you'll make up for it, but right now I need food!" she cried dramatically as another girl ran over and took her hand. She gave him an apologetic smile and allowed the girl to lead her away. Reuben laughed, seeing her so happy made him very joyful and from the look on James face, he too must've felt the same way. She deserved to be fun loving sixteen-year-old at least once.

It wasn't until everyone was packing up to leave that Alex saw Reuben again, he was helping hoist a large grill onto a truck, his strong arms and back flexing his ample muscles. It had been a beautiful day, packed with activities, food and friendly faces and therefore quite tiring. Alex didn't mind the burning under her heels or the tightness in her arms and legs though, she knew it was worth it, even more when she saw Reuben again.

"Hey Reuben!" she called as she approached him from behind, "Are you ready to leave?"

He turned to face her and his eyes widened as though he'd just registered her presence; he scratched his thin sideburns and shifted his weight uncomfortably.

"Oh Alex, I didn't know you were still here" he said; his eyes looked everywhere except at her and Alex was no fool, she knew when she wasn't wanted. Her eyes grew hard with suspicion. Anyone else could not want her around but Reuben, seeing this side to him really bothered her, considering his eagerness to talk to her earlier.

She replied carefully, her senses on high alert, "Why would I leave?"

Reuben shrugged, "uh... I don't know" he replied with a nervous chuckle.

"Look Alex..." he started, "I've been meaning to tell you..."

"Roo!" a voice called.

Alex turned in the direction of the breathy voice that had so annoyingly addressed Reuben. A beautiful, slender young woman with dark-chocolate skin, glistening with beads of water, was walking toward them. Her long straight hair was held back in a loose bun and she was grinning from ear to ear. It was the girl from New Year's night, the girl that had made Reuben angry, that had made him brush her off like she was nothing, and here she was again. Only this time Reuben wasn't angry at all, as a matter of fact the only one that seemed uncomfortable was her.

"I've been looking for you," Lisa said as she walked up to him and lodged herself familiarly under his arm.

Reuben looked flustered, he looked down at the girl next to him and then at Alex, whose confusion was written all over her face.

"Oh hello" the jolly girl greeted, "Well aren't you gonna introduce me to your friend?" she asked.

Alex felt herself mentally scowl at her accent.

Reuben smiled, "oh yeah, this is my good friend Alex. Al this is Lisa...my girlfriend."

Despite how nervous he was acting before, when he introduced Lisa as his girlfriend he sounded relieved, and broke out in a proud grin as he drew her closer to him.

Alex stood there gapping at them, she was slowly internalising what she'd just heard so it wouldn't affect her too much, but that didn't help the feeling of a knife being twisted in her gut. She looked at the girl next to him and instead of seeing a beautiful cheerful woman that she might actually like to get to know, she saw a conniving heartless man stealer.

The girl was smiling along with her boyfriend, neither of them seemed to be catching on to the effect their announcement was having on Alex.

"It's a pleasure to finally meet you Alex," she said as she offered an extended hand.

Alex took it; she thought it made no sense right now to embarrass herself more by revealing just how she felt about everything. But as she held the girl's hand she couldn't help sneering at her.

"He told you about me?"

Lisa smiled, "Yep, he is always talking about you. Said he saw something in you from day one and each day you keep showing him just how right he was," she looked up at Reuben who was smiling uncomfortably, "I'm just glad you've decided to turn your life around, given your circumstances it's the best thing."

Alex dropped Lisa's hand and walked away without another word, there it was, as clear as day; Reuben never did like her more than a friend. As that realisation sunk in, her throat tightened and a part of her kept turning over all those moments they had, like that time in the car when he told her how special he thought she was or that day when he thought Robbie was her boyfriend. What he said when he'd looked so intently at her, and that beautiful broach he wanted to buy for her, what was all of that?

"Al!"

Reuben hurried after her, a confused look on his sun burned face. She stopped and turned to face him with a scowl.

"You okay?" he asked worriedly.

She continued to stare at him with her arms folded across her chest, daring him to say something that would make her do just what she wanted to do.

"I know I should probably not talk about you like that... I mean I'd be angry too if I heard my friend was talking about me like some charity case," he gave a dry chuckle, but sobered when he noticed Alex wasn't taking it as such a joke.

"Don't be angry Al...please."

She shook her head, "It's not that Reuben," she seemed to choke on her words, "I mean, that's pretty horrible too."

He took a step toward her, "Then what is it?" he asked.

She waved her hand about her and shrugged, "I can't believe you could be so blind," she muttered.

"Blind? What are you talking about?"

Alex shook her head, "Forget it. You know what? I've had enough of pretending to be something am not," that was only partly true, the truth lodged in her throat like a fish bone. She couldn't admit that she had been foolish, she didn't want to tarnish what he thought of her. It would be stupid to admit that she'd only been going to church because she had a huge crush on him.

He looked genuinely hurt, "What? Alex what are you saying? I don't understand."

She took a deep breath and looked away at the ocean, the dark expanse now set on fire by the setting sun. Everything around her was so alive, she could feel the salty wind against her sticky skin, the musky smell of the beach mixed with the faint smell of burnt chicken and fresh fish. She could hear the sounds of chattering and retreating vehicles – that was reality.

She looked at Rueben, and all the flowers, music and odours of a dream faded from the background and only the confused man stood before her, arms outstretched pleadingly.

"I'm just...I'm done with this," she said, shaking her head, "your girlfriend was wrong I can't turn my life around. I am who I am."

Reuben gapped at her, "What? No Alex think about this, not every situation in your life means you should give up on God," he pleaded.

"Who said anything about giving up on God. I just said that I'm tired with pretending to be something that I'm not," and she turned to walk away.

"Alex wait...let me take you home," he called.

She turned around, "that's alright I'll hitch a ride with George," she replied.

"Who? Alex!"

She didn't turn back again, she knew that she was probably overreacting and making a scene that would probably come back to haunt her later, but she couldn't think of any other way to escape Rueben and his girlfriend with the cute smile and engaging personality. It was clear to her that she'd had no chance from the very start.

18

Finish A Fight

The room was warm. Not just from the freshly prepared meal that lay before him but from the people gathered around the dining table. Lisa's family which included her mother, her bearded bald headed father, younger brother, grandmother and uncle, were all smiling widely as they held humorous dinner conversation. Tossing subtle knowing glances at the young couple sitting side by side at the lower end.

Lisa looked over at him and frowned, "what's wrong?" she asked, motioning to his untouched lunch.

Reuben shrugged and forced a smile, feeling terribly out of place and so guilty. He was ashamed by how much he didn't want to be here; all he could think about was Alex. He kept replaying the image of her walking away from him with that hurt look on her face, the anger behind those captivating eyes all caused by him. Though he didn't know what he'd really done to hurt her, he still felt rotten, like he'd left her in a worse position than he'd met her.

"Here have some sweet potato pie," Lisa said, lifting the dish toward him, her wide grin failing to mask her concern.

"No thanks," he said.

Lisa pursed her lips thoughtfully, "but you love sweet potato pie. Are you sick?"

Their conversation had long reached the ears of the others on the table and they were now looking on unabashedly. Sister Hagley wore the deepest frown as she regarded them through her thick spectacles.

"No Lisa, I just don't want any right now, alright," he said, slightly annoyed.

Lisa put down the dish and looked over at him sharply.

"You're not still worried about that girl from the beach are you?"

Reuben pouted, "Of course I am," he said softly, "she's my friend and am afraid she might do something stupid."

"Are you sure you're not just afraid she might do something with someone other than you," she looked at him with eyes that had gone from warm chocolate to cold, hazardous wet mud.

"What are you implying?" he asked, feeling the rare swirl of anger within him.

Lisa inhaled sharply, looking over at her suddenly quiet family from the corner of her eyes, "how about we take this outside," she said, getting up from her seat. It wasn't a question.

Reuben got up awkwardly and asked to be excused, feeling the heat of suspicious eyes on his back as he turned away.

Lisa was leaning against the veranda wall, arms folded across her chest, lips pouted. Reuben swallowed hard as he approached her, he knew her long enough to know that her anger was like a hurricane. Once she got something in her head, you'd have a hard time convincing her that it's just not that.

"What do you mean by what you said in there?" he asked again.

"I'm not stupid Reuben. Craig told me all about this Alex girl, how you've been dragging her all over the place since Christmas, and I saw the way she looked at you yesterday at the beach. And you know what? It wouldn't have bothered me; she's young and naive they're supposed to be easily enamoured. But then I saw the look on your face when she walked away, and now am not so sure it's just her."

He chuckled and shook his head, "I don't believe this. Why do you always have to corrupt everything? You know me Lisa, everything I do I put my all into it and Alex isn't just some little girl, she's determined and caring even though she's been through a lot. But more importantly and not that it matters to you, but she's my friend..."

"Am not questioning any of those things Reuben," she interrupted.

"Then what are you questioning?"

She unfolded her arms and walked toward him, "I'm questioning how much of you, is into this relationship right here."

His lips parted to speak but she placed her hand over it.

"Don't say anything more Reuben, I know sometimes am really selfish but am not evil, so am just gonna ask you to leave, and think hard about what you want and who you want in your life. And if I don't have any part of that, I don't want to see you here again. I've been hurt enough," she smiled wryly, "and so have you, so let's be realistic this time around alright."

She reached up and kissed him lightly on the cheek, then went inside, leaving him gapping.

He rolled his eyes and started to descend the steps, "I can't believe that just happened. Just once I'd like to end the quarrel I start," he muttered, reaching into his pocket for his car keys.

Reuben kept going over the incident with Lisa in his mind as he drove home, he still didn't think he was being that disagreeable at lunch. So what if a guy isn't eating much, it doesn't mean the relationship is over, he sighed.

"Lord Jesus, help me out here. I thought I had this thing figured out but it just keeps going wrong. I'm done trying to make everything work on my own. It's your turn now, I am dead tired," he prayed.

As he drove he came upon James strolling in the hot sun meditatively. He slowed down next to him.

"Hey man, trying to get your tan on," he joked.

James looked at him but he didn't crack a smile. He was clearly angry at something or someone, most likely him.

"Where you going? you want a lift?" he asked.

James frowned, looking ahead, still walking while Reuben rolled on beside him, "okay then... so I can see that you're mad at me," he said, "but I'm not a very good mind reader so you're gonna have to tell me what I did."

James stopped abruptly and turned to look at him, "you know, you're right, you're not a very good mind reader. In fact you're terrible at seeing beyond your own nose."

"What we talking about?" Reuben asked, his brows drawn in confusion.

"You know very well what I talking 'bout," he growled.

Reuben looked at him for a moment, then looked away thoughtfully, "you're talking about Alex aren't you?"

James continued to glare at him but he didn't say anything.

Reuben shook his head, "do you think she really likes me?" he asked, "did she tell you anything?"

James looked at him, "I warned yuh nuh, but I guess I didn't cater for it going the other way around," he said, his lips set in a thin line.

Reuben shook his head, "well I don't think you are entirely wrong there," he said solemnly.

James narrowed his eyes at him and took a step closer, "what you saying now Reuben?" he asked.

Reuben shook his head and gnawed on his lower lip, he knew what he wanted to say, but he also knew that things became existent and tangible when confessed and he wasn't sure if he wanted what was in his mind to become reality just yet. Just as he opened his mouth to speak, a battered Corolla drove past; he wouldn't have thought anything of it, if James hadn't ducked suddenly.

"What is it?" Reuben asked as James yanked open the door and climbed in.

"Follow em," he said boldly.

Reuben frowned at him, "huh?"

"Do it!"

The Car jerked forward instantly and stopped, Reuben looked over at James with wide eyes, "I'm not scared of you," he muttered, "my foot just..."

"Drive, Reuben!"

The car sputtered then hurtled forward after the Corolla. Reuben glanced over at James and exhaled, sometimes the guy just scared him when he got that crazy look in his eyes.

They followed the car to a secluded area off the main road. It stopped, dropped a couple guys off and continued. Reuben looked over at James waiting for the moment when he would come to his senses and call it off, but he looked quite determined.

"You do know we're driving a red car right," Reuben pointed out.

James nodded, "yeah, park here," he said.

"Who are these guys, James?"

"You remember that night when those guys came after us?"

Reuben nodded, going back to that scary night when the men hopped up on his car and hooted at them.

"Yeah well, they're a gang and you see that fella there, stepping out the back door, looking as if he's about to pass out? He's the reason we're here."

Reuben gasped, "a gang! Are you serious? You're forgetting something James. Gangs usually have guns and knives and tempers and I don't think they'll take being followed lightly. I can't get cut right now man."

James shot him an aggravated look, then turned away again, "Idiot!" he hissed.

Reuben looked over at him and frowned, "that wasn't called for, that's a legitimate fear."

"Not you," he pointed up ahead where three guys were standing about, as though waiting for something, "him, he's the idiot."

Reuben followed James finger and gasped when he saw who he was talking about, "isn't that Alex's..."

"Yeah," replied James as he opened the car door and got out.

"Keep the car running and don't come out," he instructed.

Reuben looked on in horror as James made his way toward the group.

"What! Are you crazy?" he called.

James moved stealthily toward the commotion, until he got as close as was safe, stooping behind a wide brush. This wasn't the first time James had done something so impulsive but fear was never absent, neither was the anxious pounding in his chest. The difference between now and then was that now there was something stronger propelling him, and that was a divine understanding of his place in God's eyes. An understanding and deep trust in purpose and protection. So as he eyed the group, his face set as hard as stone with a determination like fire in his dark eyes, fear and human reasoning were overridden by a feeling of responsibility.

Michael was standing with his back to him, his locked hair tied up with a rubber band, dressed in an oversized white t-shirt, tucked haphazardly into his worn out blue jeans, the pockets bulging. He was speaking to a man, who was smiling patronizingly at him.

"What are you doing here Mike," James whispered to himself, praying for God to open a way for him to get Mike out of there, without getting some bullets in his back.

"What have we here?"

James eyes widened as he felt strong arms descend on his shoulders, yanking him to his feet. James remained calm as he was dragged from his hiding place and into the midst of the scowling gang, and thrown onto the ground. He stared up at his captor; a robust man with a scruffy beard and a bandanna tied around his close shaved head, glared down at him.

"We have a little maco it look like," came a buttery voice from behind him.

James swallowed hard, he knew that voice, despised that voice. He turned in its direction. He wasn't expecting Giant to be among these guys, but he didn't flinch. Instead he held the other man's glare with equal intensity.

The thin sloe eyed man stepped toward James, without the long darkened scar trailing down the length of his face, from his temple to the end of his cheek, he would look like the most unfortunate high school drop out that James believed he was. But here among his minions he was known as Giant. A poetic title when compared to his rather petite stature, which was even more apparent as the four other burly men that comprised his crew drew up behind him, hands already resting on their waistbands like uncouth cowboys.

James regarded them with a calm that surprised even him. As Giant stared at him with narrowed eyes.

"I know you," he said.

A confused Michael stepped out from behind the men, his brows drawn together in an unbelieving frown. He perused James broad, muscular frame kneeling on the ground looking up at the men and frowned.

"And I know you," James replied, he kept intense eyes on Giant, still astutely aware of the men closing in on him.

"But I'm not here to cause no trouble," he bit his lip and shook his head, fighting to keep his temper under control.

It was hard to look at Michael, he was the image of his greatest hurt. He could see in Michael's bold brown eyes, that he was catching on to James' game. James saw the way he fingered the buckle of his belt nervously and he realized Michael really didn't want to be here. James looked him right in the eyes, hoping he could communicate what he couldn't say, hoping Mike could see that he was throwing him a lifeline here.

"I can't say is a pleasure to see you again Jay Jay, unless tha' pleasure come from beating the life out ah you," Giant said, his lopsided smile, making him look more like momma's boy than a fiend.

"What are you doing here Jay? Looking to sell me out too?"

James stayed silent, Okay Lord, now would be good.

James narrowed his eyes at the shaking young man, he was right, Michael hadn't changed much, he'd just built up very thin layers of bravados. He could see the little boy from Chris' stories with the quick smile and the terrible sense of humour, who lived to sing and dance in the shower. He was still very close to the surface, and right now he was in way over his head and scared out of his wits about it.

Giant grunted, he glanced back at the car, where the products were clearly stashed and his lips parted to speak, just as a screeching sound was heard above them.

They all looked up to see a black Escudo hurtling toward them. It stopped with a lurch and men started climbing out of it.

James eyes didn't miss a thing, he noticed the bandannas in their pockets, the angry sneer on each of their faces and most importantly, the weapons in their hands. He felt his heart pounding against his chest, it looked like a deal going sour. James' eyes scanned the area, identifying a usable weapon. He glanced over at Giant and he could see from the look on his face, that he was thinking it too. His hands started sliding to his waist, his men followed suit; everything seemed to have slowed down.

James fell into the rhythm, the slow, waiting rhythm of impending disaster, easing to his feet; he stretched out his hand and pushed a frightened Michael subtly behind him and he started to step back slowly.

"What happen?" Giant was saying, addressing the biggest scariest man of the opposing gang.

The man sneered at him; his lips were so thick, that when he turned them up, they looked like a snout.

"This is the last time Giant!" he bellowed, and his men launched out after Giants crew; bearing down on them with all their might.

James shoved Michael backward and he went tumbling down the hill. James, keeping his eyes on the action, swiftly scooped up a rusted piece of iron from the dust and swung it, catching the approaching villain in the side, he then turned on his heels and dived after Michael.

"Jay-Jay, yuh feel yuh can't dead eh!" Giant cried after him.

Michael looked over at him with a frown, "Who are you? What yuh trying to do?" he asked.

"Let's go," James said.

Michael was shaking his head, confusion written all over his face.

"You want to go up there and join the fist fest?" James countered, growing impatient.

Michael said nothing.

"I thought so. Come on get to the car!" he commanded, shoving him ahead of him.

They pelted towards Reuben's car, "Let's go!" James called as he yanked the door open.

Reuben looked at the two of them with wide eyes just before he skidded off, swerving into the road like a crazed getaway driver.

"What's going on!" he squealed when they were a safe distance away, he glanced over his shoulder at the panting man in the back.

"You took him!"

James chuckled, "more like I rescued him. Michael this is Reuben the man who broke your sister's heart," James said nonchalantly, ignoring the sharp glare from Rueben.

"What? Look man forget all that, who the hell are you? And how the hell you know me?"

James lifted a finger, "I just saved your behind back there and that's all you need to know for now."

"Bull..."

"nuh uh," James interrupted, "use your dinner table language."

Michael took a deep breath and leaned back, folding his arms across his chest in a huff, "I don't believe this, all yuh kidnapping me eh."

James laughed, "no Mikey, why would we want to kidnap a drug dealer."

"I am not a..."

Sensing Michael's need to use an obscenity again, James cut him off, "it's fine," he said, "all you need to know is that there are people looking out for you, people who have never forgotten you and people who care about your future enough to sacrifice theirs and one very significant influence balancing that all out."

"What's that?" Michael asked, calmer now and more relaxed.

"The question is who Mikey," he turned back and smiled at him, "and the answer is Jesus."

Michael's eyes grew wide, "Oh my God, this can't be happening, yuh gonna drag me to a church somewhere and convert me!" he cried.

James laughed, "boy you haven't changed one bit," he said.

"Let me out!" Michael yelled.

James looked at Rueben, "let him out," he said, "he can walk home from here."

"Wait..." Michael started, as the car slowed to a stop; he hesitated, looking from Reuben to James, then he settled on James, avoiding his eyes, "thank you," he said and got out of the car.

19

Whatever Shapes I Want

Alex sat hunched over her books with a frown, she felt like the girls she'd often made fun of at school. Those who never did their assignments until the very last day and would come to school with bags under their eyes, rumpled uniforms and unkempt hair.

Since that last day she'd seen Reuben, nothing felt right, and she'd wasted valuable time moping over her foolishness instead of keeping up with her study plan. Now exams and assessments were staring her dead in the eye and she knew they would have no mercy, not for her, whose undoing was no one else's but her own.

The words in her notebook swam before her eyes but made no sense. She stared at a physics equation that would've once made her excited and propped her head on her hand with a sigh. Where had all her drive and passion gone, she felt so worn out but never enough to want to sleep, she did not deserve sleep. She felt guilty over things she couldn't place a finger on and as a result everything annoyed her.

"Hey you!"

Alex jumped and turned around suddenly, Nicka was peering in, wearing a wide grin, "your mother let me in," she said as she closed the door behind her.

It had been a while since they'd hung out together, not with Alex running home after school to go to youth meeting or hang out with Rueben or with Sonti.

Nicka came in and sat on the edge of the bed familiarly, despite the fact that this was the first time she'd actually been to Ryan's house. Alex looked over at her from her desk and frowned at her; she was dressed in loose jeans torn at one knee, a light blue polo shirt with her hair in simple all back cornrows. If it wasn't for her very feminine face she could have been mistaken for a homeless little boy.

Alex knew that her attire could mean one of two things, considering her usual elegance and attention to her dress, either she was running away from women's bible study at her mother's house or she'd come to study. Personally Alex preferred the former as she was in no mood for pretending that all the hang outs she'd missed and postponed had actually been spent studying.

"This is a nice get up you have here," she said as she perused the room.

Alex shrugged, "it's alright."

"But then again, rooming with a nine year old could take half the charm out of a good thing," Nicka continued.

Alex chuckled drily, pushing aside her books, "nah Rach is okay," she said.

"So.... studying up for that scholarship exam next month?" Nicka asked after a moment of brief introspection.

The scholarship exam she was referring to, was a full scholarship package to an American University, being offered to fifth form students at Secondary schools all over the island. Three students with the most outstanding grades, who signed up for it of course and paid an entrance fee, were expected to do an exam in February, consisting of a written exam and in lab experiment. Both Alex and Nicka had been excited about it, even knowing that both of them might not get through; the original plan was for the two of them to sign up together accepting that even if one of them didn't get in, they would at least get to share the joy of the other's accomplishment.

Alex sighed, "I'm not doing that Nicka, remember I told you Sherry said she didn't have the money and she didn't want me signing up for no nonsense like that? She isn't going to let me go to another country anyway."

Nicka winced, "oh yeah, but as usual I thought you were going to find a way around that, you always do," she looked thoughtful for a moment, "unless....you're scared that you might actually get through with it," she looked like she'd received the most vivid revelation.

"Alex you have to push past your fear of actually succeeding, it's only natural... but can't you see it all aligning itself on the horizon of success."

Alex shot her a look, "don't give me your Doctor Phil mumbo Nicka, it irritates me," she said, getting to her feet with a tired sigh.

Nicka rolled her eyes "whatever," she said, "is it snack time now?" she asked, clasping her hands in anticipation.

Alex frowned, "No.... you just got here, how could you be hungry?"

"Uh yeah, you're right, but.... your mom was baking cookies and tarts and cheese straws... and well now I am."

"What?" Alex asked with a chuckle, "you're joking right? Sherry doesn't bake anything," still she headed toward the door, curiosity getting the best of her.

Nicka followed her out, "yeah, it smells really good down there," she said as they descended the stairs.

With the head start Alex had, she got to the kitchen before Nicka, who had gotten caught up with the pretty stones in the living room. She was like a primary schooler in a museum.

"Where's mom Rach?" she asked as she walked into the kitchen, pausing to acknowledge the foreign scents of home-made delicacies.

"She went to take a phone call," said the girl, she was busily squeezing cheese straw barter onto a baking tray.

"You making cheese straw?" Alex asked, trying not to sound as surprised as she was.

Rachel looked up at her and smiled, "unbelievable eh?" she licked her finger, "Aunty Sherry showed me how to do it and she told me to make whatever shapes I want," she explained.

Alex frowned, conscious of the jealousy rising in her stomach, hot and bitter, "that's cool" she mumbled.

Sherry brushed past her, a towel thrown over her shoulder.

Alex frowned, was this opposites day?

"Alex," she greeted airily, "Yuh finally come out of that room," she made her way to Rachel's side.

"Yeah, I..." Alex started.

"Oh no Rach, these two are a little too messy!" Sherry exclaimed, she leaned over and took the utensil from Rachel's messy hands.

"Here," she said as she demonstrated how it should be done, squeezing neat mounds of cheese straw barter onto the baking tray as though she'd done this a million times over, and teaching young girls to do it was second nature to her too.

Alex stared at them, unable to conceal her scowl. She did not even know Sherry could make cheese straws, as a matter of fact she couldn't remember her mother spending any worthwhile time in the kitchen. Instead she remembered spending hours outside her mother's bedroom door waiting for her to come out and acknowledge her, sitting on the steps until dark or until Nicole or her father felt sorry for her and brought her in. Always waiting for her mother to come home and mother her, but she never did, not once.

Now she had to watch Rachel get all the attention she'd always wanted but never got. She shook her head and stalked out of the kitchen, she doubted Sherry would even notice.

Nicka met her in the living room, and her wide grin faded at the sight of her face, "what?" she asked with a frown, "they're not ready yet?"

"Oh they're ready alright," she mumbled.

Nicka followed her out to the front porch, "huh? You lost me."

Alex grunted, sat down pulled on her sneakers and got up again, just in time to see Sonti pulling out of the yard.

"Hey Sonti!" she called, "room for one more?"

"Where are you going? We're supposed to be studying Alex," Nicka protested, looking at Alex with wide eyes of disapproval as she hurried down the front steps to the waiting car.

"I'll call you Nick, have some cookies," she called back.

They made their way to the bar which was already quite crowded and was greeted by Sonti's friends. As usual Kane was the first to notice her, his eyes swept over her body appreciatively and she blushed. She felt awfully out of place in her faded jeans and t-shirt.

"Alexis, so glad you could join us tonight," he greeted, leaning in to plant a light kiss on her cheek.

It seemed Sonti and her friends felt like dancing tonight but crowds of sweaty strangers rubbing cold clammy bare skin on each other, wasn't her thing. So she hung around by the bar with Kane instead, who couldn't stop staring at her.

"I don't think I'll stay," she was saying, "this was a bad idea I need to study," she protested, as the anger and hurt from the evening started to fade.

Kane frowned, "nonsense, this is what you need Alex, to unwind a bit. All that work, all the expectations of your family and friends, you deserve a break. Let me get you a drink," he said in his creamy voice.

Alex shrugged nonchalantly; she was growing quite restless and weary of his attention. She regretted airing her problems to a complete stranger, especially one this handsome.

"Same thing from last time?" he asked.

Alex hesitated, feeling that rebellious angry part of her tug at her resolve, she opened her mouth to reply, but he interrupted her with a lifted hand.

"Of course not" he said, "you will want to try something different, stronger maybe. Go sit, I will be right there," he gestured to another corner of the room with low black leather seats. Alex rolled her eyes at his persistence, but made her way there.

She sat staring indifferently at the pulsating bodies on the dance floor, their human forms only visible whenever the flashing neon lights lit up the crowded club. The various colours flashing in time with the heavy bass, thumping against the wall, in tune with all the club's merry patrons, hungry for the chance to sweat the unpleasantness of life away.

After a short while, Kane joined her with two drinks, one of which was a pretty milky pink. The way he always paid attention to her, reminded her of Reuben but then there was another side to him. It was a daring, sensual personality; despite the few moments they'd spent together he'd made it very clear how attractive he thought she was, something Reuben had never been able to do. Still in the moment Alex promised herself not to make the same mistake twice, and that mistake would be to let her guard down again for another guy... like Reuben Clark.

Kane handed her the drink and sat down next to her, really close despite the availability of space on the sofa; the man loved to violate her personal space.

"I know you ladies like them attractive," he explained, referring to the drink in her hand.

Alex hesitated; chewing on her bottom lip in uncertainty.

"You can trust me" he said, his light brown eyes looking right into her grey ones, "you have no idea the effect just blinking your eyes has on me," he whispered, "beautiful eyes, like the silver moon," he coaxed, leaning down to plant a light kiss on her neck.

"You have a boyfriend?"

Alex swallowed hard, the man had her blushing in all shades of pink, maybe it was the accent, maybe it was those daring dark eyes.

She lifted her glass and took a large gulp; she could barely taste it. She wasn't oblivious to the fact that just the right amount could make her forget all her worries along with the rest of the night, but that didn't seem like such a bad idea at all.

"Nope, no boyfriend," she finally replied.

Kane smiled at her, "you like it mon cheri?"

She shrugged, "not really," she replied but downed the rest of it.

Kane smiled, "well, well, well..." he crooned, "hmm, I think I have something else that might interest you."

He opened his hand to show her a pretty looking pill, "it is like candy you've never had before."

Alex stared at him for a while, at his mischievous smile, his dark captivating eyes, then snatched the offered 'candy' from him and threw it into her mouth.

Somehow Kane managed to get her out onto the dance floor, into the midst of the heat, ignited by restless bodies, dancing into oblivion. This was something Alex would've never done, but she felt so uninhibited, everything was like a pleasant dream, even as he pressed his body close to hers, with his hands resting possessively on her lower back as they swayed rhythmically to the slow throbbing bass. Alex couldn't see the gyrating bodies close to her, or feel anyone's presence but his, it was exhilaratingly dangerous and in the corner of her still sober brain, she knew she would hate herself for it in the morning. Kane leaned down so she could feel his warm breath on her neck and smell the alcohol on his breath. In the back of her mind she wanted to pull away and she started to make a gap between them but his eyes and the alcohol coursing through her were more powerful forces than conscience and common sense.

He caressed her cheek, "there is something about you, Alexis, you are not like most girls," as he spoke he traced his finger along her jaw. If she had a penny for the number of times she'd heard that line.

"I should get home, it's past my curfew," she giggled.

Kane smiled, still tracing lines along her jaw.

Alex wasn't sure if she was still breathing but she was definitely alive; she could feel her heart thumping against her chest like a bassline of it's own, as he leaned down and planted a gentle kiss on her lips.

Alex closed her eyes and leaned into him as he deepened the kiss, no, no, no, no, she chanting mentally.

"Stay, he whispered.

"I don't want to," she slurred, not entirely sure if her voice was her own or the jumbled thoughts clamouring in her head.

"Stay, have another drink," his voice was like a shiny hypnotizer; she closed her eyes and leaned her rebelling body against him.

"Okay, but only one," she said amidst a pleasant, drunken chuckle.

Alex woke up the next morning with a headache, backache and a bad case of nausea. She rolled out of bed and stumbled to the bathroom, where she stuck her face into the toilet and threw up.

She didn't know how long she was in there slumped against the wall before Sherry started knocking on the door.

"Alex, Alex," she called.

"Uh Huh," Alex grunted as loud as she could.

She was so disoriented that she couldn't tell where the sound was coming from and looked about the room for the source. She only wound up wincing at the bright colours, the light streaming in from the small window.

Sherry eventually came in and was immediately at Alex's side, "What happen?" she asked worriedly.

Alex shook her head in an attempt to clear the fog from her mind, "I'm fine," she mumbled, staggering to her feet.

She shrugged off Sherry's offered hand of support, pausing until the wave of nausea passed. She bent her head into the sink and opened the pipe over her face, for a moment she forgot Sherry was there as the cold water flowed over her heated face, bringing with it the bittersweet memories of last night.

Much of it was a blur and though she vaguely remembered what had happened that night, she knew enough to know that she had acted foolishly with a complete stranger. Yet there was a part of her that enjoyed a night of no reservations, no self imposed restrictions, nor expectations.

Kane was a grown man who made a living partying and running clubs. He didn't need an excuse to get her drunk, or lie to her, he didn't need to pretend to be honest or faithful and she didn't want to care. She did remember Sonti helping her up to her room at some point during the night, the same girl she knew she shouldn't trust was tucking her into bed after a long night of drinks and dancing. She also vaguely remembered her calling it a night when it was clear Alex had become like putty in Kane's hands and who knows what would have happened then.

"Well yuh not going to church today" Sherry said matter-of-factly, "am gonna call that boy and tell him yuh sick, yuh hear?"

Alex took a moment to understand what her mother was saying; it took great effort to part the thick fog that seemed to have replaced her brain which was throbbing like there were bass steel drums in her head. But when she realised who Sherry was referring to she wished she hadn't taken the time. She was still very mad at Reuben, for turning out to be just what she'd suspected him to be, a twofaced liar.

"He not coming" she said and eased past Sherry, holding onto the wall for support, "he's never coming."

Alex returned to her bed and pulled the sheet over her, and after staring at the picture frame beside her bed for a while she dosed off.

Sherry came and stood over her, her worried expression etching foreign lines on her usually smooth face as she clutched her daughter's clothes in her hand, clothes that smelled like they'd been steeped in alcohol, sweat and marijuana. She looked down at Declan's smiling framed face clinging to the one person he'd hurt the most with that sudden selfish decision, and scowled. Where was he now with his father of the year award?

She left Alex and Rachel's room and went to her bedroom, shutting the door behind her softly so it would not wake Ryan, only to find the empty bed, his shorts tossed carelessly on his side of the bed.

She went over to the window and looked out, his car was gone. How hard was it to call out to her that he was leaving? How hard was it for him to stay up and have a conversation with her? These days she knew nothing of what was going on in his life, but that told her enough.

She lifted her daughter's clothes to her nose and closed her eyes, summing up all that had occurred in the past couple years that led up to this exact moment in both their lives.

She sighed, opening her eyes to the sounds and sights of an early Sunday morning. A day like this should hold so much promise for a child, for a mother, for a family. But all she could think about was how everything was coming apart at the edges and soon there would be no ground to stand upon, and so much distance between them that there wouldn't be a hand close enough to hold onto.

"It falling apart," she whispered, her eyes growing moist, her shoulders slumping under the burden of fear and failure. She reached down and gripped her stomach, pressing her lips together in intense thought, "not me children Lord, not me Alex.

20

Hide & Seek

Reuben sidled between the chairs of the crowded restaurant toward a table at the far corner; he paused to look across the room at James clad in faded jeans and a t-shirt, with his cap pulled down over his eyes, reading a menu like a newspaper. He peeked over the side of the hard covered menu and grinned widely showing him a 'thumbs up'. James had never looked so goofy. Reuben sighed, wiped his sweaty palms on his jeans and continued onward.

Lisa looked up at him casually, her dark eyes unreadable.

"Hey," he greeted as he sat down opposite to her, his shoulders tense with nervousness. He dropped is book bag at the foot of his chair and leaned forward.

She put down the book she was reading and leaned back, regarding him with a level of callousness he was no stranger to.

"So what now?" she asked, "why am I here Reuben?"

He shrugged, "we need to talk," he said matter-of-factly.

"Yeah, I know," she said, pursing her lips nonchalantly, "have you made up your mind?"

Reuben looked at her with a confused frown, "huh? What kind of question is that? Can we for once have a progressive conversation?" he asked, growing annoyed.

"See I knew this would happen, I knew this would turn into one big fight!" she hissed, dropping her head in her hand dramatically.

Reuben rolled his eyes, and cast a weary glance in James direction. He still couldn't understand how he'd managed to agree to this, but James had promised that he was going to help him smooth out this mess with Lisa.

"You can't be certain of what you want if you're in a relationship with someone whose intentions you're not sure about," James had said, one evening after practice, "she's too cool about your relationship issues and it's not good for you, especially when she has you bouncing around in the middle not knowing where you stand. One day you're together next day you're sad cause you're not sure if there's anything left."

Reuben had rolled his eyes at him, but even then he knew he was right, "so what do you suggest I do?" He'd asked.

James had shrugged, "the only thing you haven't done," he looked over at him with a smirk, "finish a fight, just finish it, get it out into the open," he said, "only this time am gonna help you...for two reasons mostly, one is I can't stand to see a fellow brother being strung around like a pre-schooler's guppy and the other is I need you focused enough to help me."

Reuben had narrowed his eyes at him then, and found himself with that very same expression now, only the face looking up at him wasn't James instead it was Lisa's scowling one.

"Lisa, I don't know what you're getting at, but the fact is am tired of your games..."

"Games?" she looked up at him with a cold glare, "I'm not playing any games, you think this is a game for me, watching you waver, watching you try to figure things out," she spat.

He leaned forward with a pleading frown, both hands flat on the table top, "Lisa, we really need to come to a conclusion here; the pastor said that fighting is normal, especially when couples are at this point in their life, where every decision counts..."

"Wait what?" she looked up at him, "Pastor? You spoke to the pastor about us?"

"Uh..." he looked over in the direction of James, who was peering over the edge of the menu, listening intently, though Reuben was sure he couldn't hear much over the chatter of the restaurant.

Lisa's eyes shot in James direction like a hawk, "who do you keep looking at over there?" she demanded, just as James ducked down behind the menu.

"Is that the bass man? Jeez Reuben, the bass man too, let me guess you told your mom, your dad..."

"Well yeah...they're my parents," he replied, stunned at her reaction.

She got up and tossed the napkin on the table with a huff, "See this is why things are falling apart between us, 'cause you just won't grow up."

And with that she snatched up her purse and started to leave. Reuben jumped to his feet, reached out and grabbed her elbow.

By now the other patrons had picked up on the quarrel and were staring and whispering, the bold ones even pointing James sitting in the midst looking on coolly.

"No Lisa, this time I am saying what I came here to say," he said, in that same levelled tone hoping to reduce the amount of attention they were getting.

She glared at him; they were both acutely aware of the eyes on them, and the waiter scurrying toward their table, a disapproving frown on his face.

"Just tell me one thing," he said softly, "what do you want?"

Still annoyed, she snatched her arm from his grip and looked up at him defiantly, "obviously, not you," she replied and stalked out of the room.

Reuben stood frozen, looking at her walk away, feeling the tightness in his chest fade into a deep exhale.

"Excuse me sir, I'm going to have to ask you to leave," said the waiter.

Reuben sighed looked over at James, who was already coming toward him, an uncomfortable look on his face.

"That's alright, I was gonna do that anyway," he turned to walk away, but paused and turned back to the round man in the apron, "I apologize."

James fell into step with him and once they were outside, safe from prying eyes and perked up ears. He placed a hand on his shoulder and regarded him with a concerned frown.

"Look man, I really didn't expect it to happen like that..."

Reuben smiled wryly, "naw man, it's cool. As a matter of fact, I feel surprisingly better. Certainty does things to a guy," he said with a smile.

"Good, cause I always figured that God has better for you."

They laughed. "You're right, but in the meanwhile, what do you need my help for?"

James started to smile, just as a loud screech echoed through the parking lot and they both looked up as a battered Escudo swerved round the bend.

"Get down!" James yelled and they dove behind a parked car, just as the sound of gun shots filled the air, followed by sharp obscenities and the rev of the engine as the van drove away.

James and Reuben stood up when they were certain it was safe. Reuben was still clinging to the tail of James shirt, looking dazed; his legs shaking beneath him. People had begun to file out of the restaurant, quizzical, shocked frowns on their faces as they regarded the wide eyed men.

Reuben turned back and looked at the line of holes on the side of the concrete building and swallowed hard, "Oh boy."

"Oh boy indeed, I'm so sorry man," James said, looking over at him with apologetic eyes.

Reuben nodded, still trying to find his voice, "don't apologize, I'm just a coward sometimes, but I got involved in this with my own free will. There are some cops coming."

"I can't be here man!"

Reuben turned and regarded him with quizzical eyes, then pursed his lips and nodded, "go, I'll take care of it."

James looked about him, his resolve weakening, he couldn't leave Reuben to face this alone. The fact that they were even being shot at in the first place was proof enough that things were about to get ugly.

"I can't allow you to do that. Fine I'm staying," he said adamantly, "I don't got nothing to be afraid of."

Reuben nodded, his face still taut with anxiety, "that makes one of us."

The clock on the mantle tapped out the steady rhythm of a long day, while the fan on the counter in the kitchen maintained the melody. Michael sat on the edge of the couch, with his back to the timepiece, boxes of memorabilia open at his feet, as he peered intently at a photograph, his brows drawn in concentration as though trying to see as far back into the past as the photo would allow.

Nicole came in through the front door breathlessly and looked over at him furtively, he didn't look up.

"You're home early," he said, as he picked up a brown newspaper clipping from the open box.

Nicole shrugged and put down her hand bag, she came in and sat next to him, straight backed and thoughtful, worry etched on her now ashen face, but still Michael didn't look up.

"What are you doing?" she asked; her voice still oddly breathless.

Michael tossed the clipping on her lap and bent down for another; she picked it up and frowned at it, turning it over in her hands. A young man with a face set like stone was being led by two officers and an indifferent looking lawyer, his hands cuffed in front of him, with the heading big and bold, 'ANOTHER DRUG BUST' displayed in caps at the top of the page.

She frowned, "why are you going through this, isn't this a clipping from Chris' trial?" she looked over at him in confusion.

Mike nodded, "yup, I'm looking for clues," he replied.

"For what? Your own future?"

Mike rolled his eyes at her, "Is this guy I meet the other day, I think he know Chris," he said thoughtfully.

"Where you get these?" she bent down to pick up another, only to groan and sit back suddenly, pressing the palm of her hand against her forehead.

Michael chuckled, "you won't believe it, but I find this in mom's room, jammed all the way behind our albums with notes Declan write her during their courtship," he paused, wiggled his brows mischievously, then started to laugh. He looked over at his sister, when he received no chorus, for the first time since she'd come in.

"yuh alright?" he asked, sobering with concern.

Nicole leaned forward for a moment took a deep breath and got up, "I going and lie down, if Shawn call for me tell him I can't make it tonight."

Michael frowned, "I don't know Shawn, he a new one or what?" he asked jokingly.

Nicole merely waved at him weakly, "whatever Mike."

She headed into the room and pulled the door behind her. Mike waited until he heard the click of the lock and turned back to his task, that meant she wasn't going out tonight, he shook his head. Even when he told himself he wasn't going to worry, he was still concerned about her. Now he just gave up trying and learned to accept the fact that his sister wasn't okay.

The click of the lock punctuated her tears and sobs wracked her body as she slid down the length of the door to the floor. She felt terrible, like she'd been repeatedly gutted, like nothing that was connected to her actually belonged. The room was empty, the house was quiet; Mike had to choose today to be interested in something that didn't include loud music, when she didn't want to be alone with her thoughts. She didn't want to be alone with the skeletons, the putrid smell of bad choices, the stench of failure and lies.

But who could she blame? She looked up at the double bed through her tears, there was no one left to heap the compost on, it was all falling back on the rightful owner, but one thing was certain, she would rather die than make the same mistake she'd made twice before. A viable option, death that is, as she felt she really was on the brink of it now. But as much as she liked to think she would welcome it, a part of her didn't want to.

She slid onto her side and pulled her knees up to her chest, sealing in the secret of her bosom that would not go away and for the first time, she wasn't sure if she wanted it to. Just this once, she'd like to know what it felt like to not have to hide and lie to the point where she discarded the one life she should value more than her own. She sighed and closed her eyes against the sliver of light streaming in from between the dirty curtains and as she drifted off to sleep she thought of changing them into something brighter, something light enough for the wind to carry. Then she thought about what Alex would think, when she found out what a complete failure her sister was.

21

I Am my Mother's Daughter

It wasn't very late, despite the fact that Kane's parties tended to go on the length of a day, but Alex wasn't comfortable with the way his friends were looking at her, and Sonti wasn't making it any easier with her malicious comments. So Kane had agreed to take her home. Alex looked over at him and he smiled at her, just before Sonti pushed her head between them and assaulted their noses with the alcohol on her breath.

The party had quickly spun out of control, mostly because Sonti was one of the few who were contributing to the chaos; she was drunker than Alex had ever seen her. Alex was grateful however, because she really didn't feel like waiting until the sun went down to get home, and wind up having to make up some silly excuse so Sherry wouldn't freak out on her.

She crinkled her nose, "What did you do? Pour the thing on you?"

"Why you don't give me some of what you pour on yuh self," Sonti hiccupped then giggled hysterically, "then I'll catch me a big one, eh Kane," she said.

They waited while she fumbled with the door handle, and struggled to get out with her bag and heels in her unstable hands.

"I see you...guys...later" she called as she staggered up the drive.

Kane and Alex looked at each other and laughed, "You are a better drunk than she is," he said with a smirk.

Alex punched him playfully, "yeah well, you cherish that memory Kane, cause you'll never see it again."

He laughed a loud boisterous sound that Alex had at first been annoyed with; now it only made her winch momentarily.

"What happened? Church found you again?" he teased.

"No, I got a hangover," Alex said matter-of-factly, while mentally willing herself to not think about that part of her life.

When Kane sobered from his bout of laughter he leaned toward her and wiggled his brow playfully.

"Will I see you tomorrow?"

Alex hesitated, she wanted so much to give him the answer he wanted, but the reasonable side of her kept nagging at her. No matter how much she liked Kane she couldn't help feeling a tad guilty just sitting next to him, knowing that she liked him for all the reasons a girl shouldn't like a man. Maybe she was finally getting an inside look at her mother's world.

"I don't think so, I have stuff to do," she replied.

Kane looked annoyed, "Why do I believe you are just trying to blow me off."

"It's not..." Alex started,

"Not what? I am not asking you to marry me!" he was suddenly pink with anger.

"Just listen Kane," she said, ignoring the panicked feeling within her at the sound of his angry voice.

"I just think...look I hardly know you, I don't know anything about you. I mean, how old are you anyway? This could mean trouble for the both of us."

Kane grinned mischievously, "But that's the fun of it babe. Don't you just love the thrill of being with an older man. Not those little school boys who cannot take care of you," his eyes perused her hungrily.

Alex looked at him confusedly, "what?"

"Come on, think about it. How exciting is it that you are parked outside your parents' house in bright daylight with me."

His words were doing nothing to reduce her discomfort; instead she was growing more and more panicked.

Kane reached over and took both her hands in his, "I am not demanding anything, you know that is not the kind of man I am. And we both know neither of us wants a serious relationship."

Alex frowned, "Then what are we doing?"

He clicked his tongue in disapproval, "Oh my little Alex, there is so much to learn. I am going to show you how to enjoy life, how to live life to the fullest."

He leaned toward her and kissed her hard, she pushed him away and rubbed her bruised lips,

"Would you stop!"

Kane pulled back, a look of surprise on his handsome face.

"This is not what I want Kane... I'm not some trashy girl with no direction in life..."

Kane turned and glared at her, his sharp nose scrunched up in disgust, "you are just a whore's daughter. What makes you any different?"

Before Alex could react to his cruel comment, he reached over and yanked her door open.

"Get out of my Car!"

"Kane..."

"I said get out!"

Alex pelted up the drive, she didn't even look back until she was safely inside with the thick mahogany door between her and Kane. She pressed her back against the closed door and shut her eyes, listening to the sound of the car depart. Nothing seemed to make sense anymore, no one was just who they appeared to be.

As she stood there she picked up on the commotion in the kitchen. She could hear Sherry and Nicka's voice, they sounded distractingly excited and despite her initial plan to sneak up to her room, she found herself heading in that direction.

"What's going on?" her heart was still pounding from her encounter with Kane.

Nicka turned and ran toward her, her arms wide, "Alex!" she squealed as she embraced her.

"What?"

Nicka stepped back and handed her a piece of paper with the corners torn off. Alex looked at it blankly at first, a frown forming on her brows. She looked up at Nicka, who was nodding excitedly.

"Yup that's the list they sent back, those are the students with the most outstanding projects and lab reports, the scouts are here already. The lab work is due on Tuesday, examination conditions, nothing we can't handle."

"Eh... but... how? I didn't apply," she looked over at Sherry, whose hands were clasped against her lips, trying to hide a smile.

"You didn't say anything, when did you...." Alex started.

"A couple days after you did bring it up I had realize how foolish I was... so I paid for it and sign you up. That Mr. Thomas was a very good help too."

"Mom!" Alex groaned, dropping onto a chair, worry etched into her face.

Sherry stepped forward, still beaming, "I wanted it to be a surprise."

"A surprise!" suddenly there was this boiling heat within her, that she just couldn't contain. She shot to her feet, wrapping the paper into a tight ball, she tossed it at Sherry s feet, "I didn't prepare for this, how could you make such a decision without asking me!"

Sherry looked confused and hurt, "but this not what you wanted?"

"Who are you!" she screamed, and she stomped out of the kitchen.

Nicka picked up the paper and sighed, "I was going to stick this back up at school," she moaned.

Alex had reached the top of the stairs, heading in the direction of her room, the tightness of her rage still wrapped around her. Sherry called out to her.

"Alex hold on," she commanded, as she hurried toward her.

Alex rolled her eyes, hesitated for a moment then rudely stomped toward her room but Sherry came up behind her fast and grabbed her elbow. Alex swung to face her with wide, enraged eyes.

"What happen to you Alex? You was never so," Sherry chided.

Alex glowered at her, "no? Are you sure?"

Sherry frowned, "yuh keep saying stupidness like that, but yuh not making no sense," she pleaded.

"No mom, I never make any sense to you, you probably wonder if the nine month burden was worth it," her tone had gradually increased. She wasn't conscious of how much but it was loud enough to pull Nicka out of the kitchen, and the bedroom door squeaked open as Rachel peered out, a frightened look on her face.

"Stop it! I don't know who you is no more, this is not me child," Sherry hissed, clearly offended.

Alex sneered at her, "You never did! That's the point. Maybe I'm just tired with your lies; you've lied so much you don't know who you are anymore, and which of these children belong to you. Am I your daughter or would you prefer Rachel, maybe Leon's a better pick than your own son, and what about Nicole, my own sister yet you won't let me see her. You can pretend all you want but you'll always be the lying harlot you've always been!"

Sherry smacked her cheek hard, and in the sudden silence that ensued, Nicka's gasp was heard from below.

"You don't know nothing," Sherry shrieked, "I shelter you all your life but I realize it only make you a ungrateful pig, you not my daughter. I don't know who you are," she turned around, paused and turned to look at her again, the hurt and agony in her eyes clawing at the heart that had only fooled its self into believing it was frozen.

"You should go to your sister; maybe you'll find something there that suits you more!"

Alex hurried past her, down the stairs and past Nicka, whose hand was still clasped over her mouth in shock, and marched out the front door, the pending tears stinging her eyes.

Mike poured out the last box of newspaper clippings from his brother's ventures and lay supine on the veranda floor, turning to face the messy pile with tired eyes. He'd been at this since yesterday, and though his little escapade with the boys last night was what contributed most to his weariness, he still felt like the search was draining him. It also caused him to focus on the stranger more and what he'd said. The gate was suddenly pushed open, and though the squeak of the rusty hinges annoyed him, he didn't get up, thinking it was Nicole coming back early.

"Where's Nikki?" Alex asked, looming over him.

He pushed himself up on his elbows and arched an eyebrow at her, "since when you come over here?"

She dropped onto the rickety wooden bench Mike had made years ago for wood shop, and folded her arms, "since mom threw me out," she grumbled.

Mike laughed, "yuh lie, she would never throw you out, maybe me and Nikki but not you."

"Oh she did... sort of .... and not without good reason," she sighed and leaned back against the cushions.

"Ahh, she gonna be calling you back, just as soon as the sun sets."

She sat up and looked at him with a frown, "what's wrong with her Mike?"

"Huh?"

"You seem to know her better than all of us, so what's wrong with her? Can you answer that?"

Mike looked thoughtful, fingering his scruffy, struggling patch of beard with a frown, with an air of maturity, he'd never exhibited before. It occurred to Alex that in her absence, a lot of growing up had taken place, as would be confirmed by his response.

"Life, that's what," he said, pursing his lips, he turned and picked up a loose stack of papers and tossed it on her lap.

"Years and years of disappointments. But that's nothing new, so I guess the real question is, what happen to you? Why is a big deal all of a sudden?"

Alex looked up at him with a confused frown.

"Me? I..."

A black Nissan pulled up in front of the house and Nicole stepped out, looking drawn with worry and weariness. A tall heavy set man came out after her, carrying her bags.

Alex got to her feet, her smile already fading at the unwelcomed stranger, right now she needed her sister to talk to and that meant no bearded distractions.

"Alex!" Nicole exclaimed, "Reaching out to hug her."

"And who's this?" Alex asked when they let go of each other, she couldn't hide the disapproval from her voice, and by the look on Nicole's face, she'd heard it.

"This is Shawn," Nicole said.

Alex stared at him, he didn't look like a Shawn; she would've pegged him for a Mad Dog or something. The man was huge, and he had this scowl that was usually reserved for rappers and gangsters, a patch of beard on his broad chin and a flat forehead.

"Not impressed," she said, the words had slipped out of her mouth thoughtlessly and everyone looked at her in surprise.

"What yuh say shorty?"

Alex glared at him, still riled up from her row with Sherry, "I said I'm not impressed by you."

He frowned and took a step toward her, "who you think you talking to?" he growled.

Alex held his gaze, "I know who I want to talk to, and it ain't you Shawn."

He glared at her until his glower melted into a smile, apparently pleased with her response, he put out his fist, "ah like yuh vibes shorty."

Alex stared at his fist and lifted cold eyes to his. He got the point.

"You didn't say you were coming," Nicole said, once Shawn went inside.

"No, I wanted to surprise you," Alex said, her eyes accusing, "but I guess it can go both ways."

"Why do you always have to do that?"

"Do what? I'm not doing anything; you're the one with Mr. Chunky walking you to your door."

Nicole gave her an annoyed look, "you look like you've had a bad day, come inside."

"Nuh uh, not until I'm sure about what am heading into," and she folded her arms across her chest.

Nicole rolled her eyes and groaned, "oh come on, you're not still scared of men are you"

"I have never been scared of men" Alex hissed indignantly, "don't try to make this about me," she jabbed a finger at Nicole.

"Alright we'll stay out here," she closed the door and joined Alex who was now pouting rudely with her arms folded across her chest.

"So who is he?"

"He's my boyfriend."

Alex shook her head, "No, your boyfriend's name is Paul. I called you one time and you had Paul over," she said matter-of-factly.

"Your memory is obviously working," Nicole looked away.

"What is going on here?"

Nicole looked up as though sending up a silent prayer.

"Well let's just get it all out into the open."

"Yes let's," and she struck a pose, arms akimbo, legs apart and neck jutting forward like an angry fish woman.

"uh... I going inside yes..." Mike said, jumping to his feet. He scooped up the scattered paper and ducked inside.

"Alex things haven't been great for me for a while, and when you guys left it was just me and Mike, and Mike doesn't work all the time," she took a deep breath, "I haven't had a steady job for a whole year now, but I still have to pay the bills... so I found a way to do that."

Alex had a blank expression, she waited patiently for Nicole to continue, trying her best not to internalise everything too fast.

Nicole shifted her weight uncomfortably and looked down at her feet, "I was sorta getting help from guys, you know..."

The silence that followed was nerve-wracking, all Alex did was stare, she was still expressionless but her eyes were intense, growing colder and colder by the minute.

"I didn't plan for it to happen like this. But I had almost lost my first job and my boss... took care of me," she dropped her hand to the side, "once I realised how it worked and it was so easy, having a man to depend on, after having so many useless men in your life. I just gave in to it," she sighed "Come on, Alex say something," Nicole prodded.

Alex shook her head, took a deep breath, "you're a prostitute?"

Nicole gaped at her, "What? No," she made a step toward Alex, Alex took a step back.

"I have to live."

"But you don't need to do this" her disappointment was clear. She had always seen Nicole as the ideal role model, she was proud of her.

"You're smart, you graduated with all your subjects, three promotions in two years, you don't need to do this."

"I do Alex..."

"No you don't." She was adamant, "there's got to be another..."

"Listen to me!" Nicole cried angrily, "I lied okay," she turned away, "I never got promoted at any time, the job I had was a part time thing with an old boyfriend. The hotel thing was a temporary thing."

"What! Is there anyone who tells the truth?" she couldn't believe what she was hearing, it was all unfolding like a nightmare, the kind you sweat through, the kind that makes you never want to go to sleep again.

"How does this work Nicole? What do you do? Do you just walk up to a guy and say hey wanna spend the night at my place and then maybe you can pay my phone bill?"

Nicole shook her head, "I should have known you wouldn't understand," she started toward the door.

"Of course I understand, we grew up understanding Nicole. When do you plan to stop? After your sixth child? After that kid's father walks out on you," the resentment in Alex's voice went straight to her sister's heart.

"You shut up Alex, you don't understand. Not everyone can go to school and get straight A's, some of us are cursed to follow in the path of our parents, and I am my mother's daughter," she was shaking with anger, "maybe it's time you grabbed hold of your heritage and stop fooling yourself into believing you better than us."

"You have no idea how it aches me to hear you speak like that. You said we could be different," her voice shook, "but I guess that was a lie too."

Nicole smiled sadly, "You can do better Al, you don't need me."

She laid a hand on the doorknob, then turned to look at her, "just so you know, am no prostitute, am your sister. And am very cautious, I may be following in my mother's footsteps

but... I'll never make the same mistakes she did."

"How? Being better at it, doesn't make you better."

Nicole looked hurt but then she looked right at her with determined eyes "Alex, it stops now. With this baby," she laid a hand on her stomach and smiled sadly, as Alex looked on in horror.

"I'm not making the same mistakes. I've tried all the ways to cover my folly but they hurt too much, none of it works... but at least I can honestly say that," she sighed, "you'll understand one day and maybe then you'll forgive me," and she went inside.

Alex turned and looked across the dusty road at the smoking galvanize pit under the mango tree and swallowed hard against the rough achy ball in her throat. That wasn't her sister, as far as she was concerned, she had no sister and that meant that she was completely alone.

22

Sell Out

Failure, unadulterated failure. It had followed her all the way from school, like tin cans. Constantly mocking, jabbing her in the back, forcing her to look at it and claim it as her own. It was of course her own. She was sure of it. She climbed the front steps as though in a daze and froze at the door, her sweaty palms resting on the brass door knob. She rested her heated head on the smooth wood of the mahogany door and closed her eyes, fighting the tears that threatened to come, that she never allowed to. Just once she wished they would, just once she wanted to know self pity, to acknowledge the injustice that was rightfully hers, but her pride was stronger.

The scouts had stood about the lab, walking about their stations, clipboards in hand, faces unreadable. She'd looked down at her equipment, her experiment laid out before her, one she'd laboured over, with an aching heart, and it had worked before, so why didn't it work this time? Why couldn't she use her hurt as fuel for her success just like before? She could feel the tightness in her throat, the frustration weakening her limbs, why did Nicole have to be so stupid? Why did she have to be human after all? Why was Sherry so clueless? She had looked over at Nicka who'd given her two thumbs up and a big grin, and she'd lowered her head to avoid her eyes. Why did her best friend have to be so optimistic? Why did she believe in her so much?

"Ms. Moore, aren't you going to begin, you haven't touched anything in the last twenty minutes."

She'd looked up at the brooding man, dressed in a short sleeved shirt and tie, with big glasses, looking down at her as though she actually cared about what was going on here. Alex didn't care about bunsen burners, equations or chemical reactions, couldn't he see that she was having a crisis.

"Are you alright Ms. Moore?" he asked again.

"No," her response was barely audible, trapped in her throat.

"Excuse me?"

"I can't do this!" she'd said remorsefully, jumped to her feet and stomped out of the lab.

Even then with her peers' curious gazes on her retreating back she couldn't cry, she wanted to, she really did. Something within her just knew it would make her feel so much better, but she just couldn't bring herself to stoop so low. And here she was, leaned up against the door, for the first time in her life, afraid. Afraid to face Sherry, afraid and ashamed of her own weakness, of her failure, and of that dire feeling in the core of her being that every daughter probably has at some point or another, a deep anguished desire, to be held, by no one else but her mother.

Suddenly there was a light vibration against her leg, followed by her polyphonic ringtone; she took out the phone expecting to see Nicka's number flashing across the screen, but instead the name Julien jumped out at her. She'd forgotten about Julien. His cocoa brown eyes and quick smile had faded from her mind underneath the pressure. She sighed as she declined the call, switching off the phone and shoving it back into her pocket.

She somehow mustered the courage to enter the house, and the moment she did she knew something wasn't right. The house was quiet, as still and as lifeless as a morgue. She shut the door behind her and winced at the sound in the silence. She froze at the entrance to the living room; the entire family was gathered there, sitting like candidates for death row.

Everyone looked confused and thoughtful, Rachel kept staring at the door to the study, Leon was crouching forward on the couch cracking his knuckles and Sherry was standing

completely still near the door, her arms folded across her chest, frowning at the muffled voices coming from inside. Sonti wasn't there.

"Mom what's going on?" Alex whispered, trying to maintain the solemn silence she'd walked in on.

Sherry shook her head, "I don't know. The children grandmother show up a while ago, they was inside there since. I don't know but I don't like what I hearing nuh."

Alex froze; she got the feeling that she knew just what this was about. This was her doing, she'd done this. Ryan would hate her. She looked around the room at the nervous group and swallowed hard, they would all hate her if they found out.

"Sherry..." she started, just as the door to the study was pulled open and the staunch old lady wobbled out.

She paused and looked at them with a stern expression, then with a grunt she perched her glasses on her nose and proceeded to make her way through the small group toward the front door.

Alex stood completely still, praying for the torture to end without her part being exposed, but as the old woman came near her, she looked over with squinted eyes, and then smiled.

"Oh well, hello Alexis," she greeted.

Alex's breath caught in her throat and she dared not look at the attentive, questioning stares she was receiving from everyone else in the room.

"Hi," she responded, avoiding the old woman's cold eyes.

"It's good to see you dear," Mrs. Hartley said and she continued on her way.

Alex lifted her eyes just in time to see Ryan's angry glare, she winced at the angry set of his jaw and at the terse silence that seemed to have replaced the awkward one.

She felt like a fifteenth century witch at the centre of a mob, soon to be burned at the stake for her iniquities.

"It was you," Ryan stated, his voice sounded choked; his eyes dark.

Alex could understand why. She'd betrayed an entire family because of her hastiness; she wouldn't blame them if they wanted to take her apart limb from limb.

"Listen to me Ryan, please. I didn't mean for anything bad to happen, you have to believe me."

He was coming toward her slowly, his broad frame tense with restrained emotion. Sherry looked from him to Alex and back again, a confused look on her face.

Alex edged backward, her tongue lodged on the roof of her now dry mouth, the palms of her hands were suddenly dripping with sweat.

"Ryan, please listen..."

"Listen what!" he bellowed, his loud voice echoed through the living room like thunder.

Leon was at his feet now, his eyes alert as he watched the two of them. Rachel, with eyes wide with fear was lodged under Sherry's arm.

"Please? Are you serious? I trusted you and this is what you do, you use it as a weapon against me and my family."

Alex was shaking like a leaf, her breath coming in quick short gasps.

"I took you out of that rat nest and I took you into my own house, I gave you a bed to sleep in, food to eat, and this is what you do to me?"

"I'm sorry, I didn't know," was all she could say.

"You're sorry!" he gripped her shoulder with his powerful hands and shook her, practically lifting her off the ground.

Alex gasped, her eyes now bright with unshed tears of panic.

Sherry took a step forward, "Ryan?"

"Stay out of this Sherry," he commanded.

"Put her down Ryan," Sherry persisted, putting Rachel to the side and coming toward them.

Ryan looked at the shaking girl in his hands; his blood shot eyes glued to hers, his own hands shaking with his anger.

"Do you know what she did, do you know what she is capable of?" his voice sounded pained. In that moment Alex thought she deserved whatever was coming to her.

"No I don't know Ryan, why you don't tell me something for once in your life," the annoyance in Sherry's voice matched the anger in his.

He pursed his lips uncomfortably and squeezed Alex's shoulders in the process of thinking about Sherry's request.

Alex bit her lips in an effort to not cry out at the sharp pain in her shoulders, he was squeezing her so tightly she was afraid he might actually push her collar bone into her neck.

"Just tell her Ryan..." she wheezed.

"Shut up!" he cried and he flung her aside.

She fell sideways onto the couch and slid to the floor, the pain in her arms almost paralyzing her for a moment. Sherry pounced on him. She held him by the collar then shoved him away from her, hitting him hard on the chest.

"Don't put yuh hand on meh child!" she cried, with a passion that shocked them all.

Ryan glared at her, his body practically vibrating with suppressed anger; "I can't do this right now" he mumbled and started to walk away.

"I can't stand coward men Ryan, look at me you bastard! I think is time you have time for me," she called after him.

He paused under the arch leading into the hallway, and then turned to look at her.

"We're broke Sherry, is that what you want to hear?" he spread his arms in despair, "We have no money and by this time next month, we won't have a house, thanks to your smart daughter over there..." he paused and took a deep breath, in an effort to stop the tears that threatened to fall.

"So..." he continued, his voice thick with emotion, "so you might as well leave.... I have nothing left."

Sherry pressed her hands to her mouth and shut her eyes; she shook her head in disbelief. Alex looked at them from where she still sat on the ground and the guilt rained brimstone upon her. She had seen all types of men in her short time on earth but this was the first time she had ever seen one so broken, so hurt and lost... like someone with a heart. Then she saw just how much pain she had brought to this family, she looked over at Leon and the fear she saw on his face accused her, Rachel's tears tortured her and Sherry's disbelief and hurt, pained her more than she would have ever imagined. She'd betrayed an entire family, her own family.

Ryan's words echoed in her mind like a broken record, and it clawed at her insides, she couldn't bear another minute here. She would die before she took another moment of it, but by the looks on all their faces, she was already dead.

They parked in the crowded yard outside Kane's house, she took out her compact and touched up her lip gloss; there was a party in full swing. She had called Kane after the uproar at the house because he was all she had left, the only one who had not let her down, nor hated her. The only one who would not judge her.

Maybe he was right, maybe his no-attachments theory was correct, if you weren't too close to someone you could not hurt them and they could not hurt you.

He pulled the door on the passenger's side open and leaned in, "I bought you something," he said, "you coming?" he asked, that dangerous smile of his back in full swing since their fall out.

She smiled at him nervously, and climbed out, "yeah, just give me a second," she said.

He nodded and headed toward the house, "I'll be in the house."

She took out her phone and after a couple deep breaths dialled Reuben's number. Reuben had been a lot of things to her, but foremost he was her friend and she knew he would look out for her no matter how much of a jerk she'd been. The phone rang out and then went to voice mail, she swore and held her forehead, what was she doing? It was getting really late Sherry would worry, or would she? There was no way anyone at that house wanted to see her right now.

"Alex?"

She turned sharply to face Nicka, who was looking terribly worried. She came up to her quickly and embraced her, clinging to her longer than was necessary.

"Oh my gosh I was so worried. Why did you walk out of the exam? And what are you doing here?" she asked when they separated.

The house was along the street Nicka took to go to her grandmother's house, still she was the last person Alex expected to see right now.

Alex shook her head, "what does it matter?" she grumbled, throwing furtive glances at the building, that seemed to be swaying to the music within it.

"It matters to me, you threw away a great opportunity..."

"You think I don't know that!" Alex snapped, her eyes wide.

Nicka stepped back, clearly taken by surprise, "look Al, we'll go to the principal, maybe she'll put in a good word for you..."

"Gosh Nicka, I don't want to talk about this right now. Is that all you think about? Work, work, work!" she turned and started to walk toward the house.

Nicka hurried after her, "Where are you going? Al what is really going on?" she asked, just as Kane stepped out of the front door. As though he could sniff her out from the intoxicated crowd his eyes went right to her and he smiled widely, as he made his way toward her. He looked even more daunting in the dimming evening light.

"I thought you got lost or something," he said, leaning down to kiss Alex lightly on the cheek, he had a box under his arm which he handed to her.

Alex introduced him to Nicka, who was eyeing him suspiciously, not even trying to look amiable and Alex wanted to kick her.

Nicka was being unfair, especially since she was civil to Robbie for Nicka's sake, and here she was eyeing Kane like she would the serpent that had eaten her pet mouse.

"Bonsoir, it is a pleasure to meet you," he greeted and he took Nicka's hand. Nicka jerked her hand out of Kane's.

He only smiled amiably, lifting his brows at Alex in amusement.

"Please come inside," he said and turned toward the house.

Nicka grabbed Alex's arm, "What's inside?"

Alex shrugged, feeling freer already, she liked being around Kane because that's what he did for her. She could pretend, even forget the reality of her life and join the crowd that lived like there was no tomorrow, and from the looks of things there really didn't seem like there was a tomorrow for her.

"It's a party Nicka, nothing weird. Weren't you going somewhere?"

"Since when are you into parties like this?" Nicka asked; a sceptical look on her face as she followed them into the house that seemed to be swaying.

Alex shrugged, "Until now I guess" she replied.

"Whose house is this?" Nicka asked as she perused the ornate interior of the house.

Kane wiggled his brows at her in that mischievous way he had, "It's mine."

She frowned, "Really? This is your house? I always pass this way and I never knew anyone lived here. Are you a drug dealer or something?"

Kane shook his head, "Or something," he replied, his eyes looking strangely sinister, "don't ask too many questions, no one likes that, enjoy the party. Alex, hope you like my gift, look forward to seeing you in it."

He winked at them and sauntered away. Nicka gripped Alex's elbow and whispered harshly in her ear.

"We're leaving, now, and you're leaving that box."

Alex looked at her sharply, "no we are not" she replied as she jerked Nicka's hand off her elbow and walked toward the punch bowls, "how did you find me anyway?"

"I just went to drop something off at Grammy's... I know my best friend from any angle Alex. I couldn't miss you standing there like a lost puppy," she replied as she followed her over to the punch bowls, tiptoeing over bottles strewn on the floor and trying to avoid any eye contact with the leering men – and women.

She snatched the glass of punch from Alex's hand, "Alex, what is going on with you? Let's go, this is no place for us to be."

"Nicka it's okay, I go to stuff like this all the time."

"Really? Then you know that this punch is spiked right...with rum and drugs and God knows what else."

Despite her purported assuredness Alex looked at the punch bowl and swallowed hard, she had fallen for the punch again and now she was thinking about James.

Shaking the feeling of guilt from her mind, she said, "Yeah okay, so maybe I didn't think about the punch but..."

"You didn't think about a lot of things. Like that guy you're gallivanting about the place with."

Alex chuckled, "Who Kane? He's cool."

"Oh my gosh! You're in a relationship with him aren't you?"

Alex snorted.

"Outside now!" Nicka snapped, gesturing to the front door. Alex rolled her eyes but followed Nicka anyway, she pulled the large door behind. Nicka was on the front porch, pacing angrily.

"Look Nick, am not doing anything stupid..." Alex started.

"You're right," Nicka interrupted, "you're being stupid!"

Alex gasped; she had never been so insulted in her life.

"You have some nerve Nicka. Since when are you my Mom?" she asked angrily.

"Alex what has gotten into you?" she looked at her with dismay, "you know guys like that are only after one thing."

"He's not like that with me okay, and I'm tired of it all NIcka."

Nicka looked at her with shock, and for a moment she struggled to find words to speak.

"What about all your plans? Do you not realise that you're headed in the same direction as Sherry?"

Alex inhaled sharply, this was not what she wanted to hear right now. All she wanted to do was have a little fun, but as always there had to be someone trying to ruin that for her.

"That's all pointless now," she made her way to the porch bench and sat with a sigh, "I really messed things up. Sherry's a mom all of a sudden, I have the most functional family I've ever had and now they all hate me. I can't go back there, it's no use."

Nicka stomped her feet angrily, "would you listen to yourself? You honestly think your mother and Ryan are just gonna turn their backs on you, because you made a typical teenager's mistake. You sound like an airhead!"

Alex shot to her feet, her hands balled into fists, her jaw hard with tension; she didn't handle insults well, not when they were being piled on like that.

"Shut up Nicka," she commanded between clenched teeth.

Nicka looked revved up, "Or what Alex? You think your life is messed up. I don't have a daddy either Alex – he's dead. But you know what, I've accepted that. You pretend to be brave and strong but you're a coward, if you weren't you'd be able to accept the fact that your daddy walked out on you. It doesn't matter if it was your mother's fault or your brothers...or yours, because he's made it very clear that he doesn't want to have anything to do with you... "

Alex's palm was instantly against her face, quick and hard, forcing her friend's head to the side. Nicka was genuinely surprised; she lifted a hand to her stinging cheek and looked at her red faced friend.

Alex's chest was heaving uncontrollably and her eyes were cold.

"You crossed the line," she hissed.

23

Revelation

When James emerged, he had a stern looking police man at his side. Reuben got up and went to him, the same desperate expression on his face. His parents looked on, equally worried. James forced a smile, to reassure them.

"What happened?" Reuben asked.

They'd put James in a holding cell since the incident, as it turns out, him being around gang related activities weren't being taken lightly by the police. It had taken them almost two days to clear up the matter.

James shrugged as he pocketed his cell phone and wallet, "it's alright, I told them what happened, about the guys involved and all that, so they're looking into it before they launch an official investigation."

Reuben smiled, "well that's great then."

His mother came up from behind him and embraced James, "oh am just so happy you boys are alright, you could have been killed."

"That's right," Mr. Clark interrupted; his jaw set tightly, "I don't know what kind of crazy stunt you were trying to pull, dragging our son into this. You may know how to handle this, but he doesn't!"

James pursed his lips, "I know sir, and I'm sorry. I didn't expect it to get this crazy, Reuben wasn't supposed to get involved," he looked over at Reuben.

Reuben frowned, "nonsense, it was my decision. I'm grown enough," he turned to his father.

"Dad you were the one who pointed out the dangers of standing up for what is right, yet you trained me to stand up for what is right, regardless of the risk. I'm tired of being too afraid to."

Mr. Clark frowned thoughtfully, "hmm," he said finally, "but that doesn't mean I can't protect you, let's go home," he looked at James, "and you need to leave this alone James, you hear me? Some battles aren't for us to fight."

James shook his head, holding Mr. Clark's stormy gaze, "I'm sorry sir, but I don't think this one is one of them."

As they exited the police station, Reuben fell into step with James behind his parents, "sorry about my parents," he said.

"That's alright, you should be happy to have them," he said his expression unreadable.

Reuben shrugged, "and you were so scared of the police, look how well things turned out," he said, "I mean, other than the lock up and all."

James shook his head, "I don't know about that. Now they know that am here and the fact that I was found near gang activity is going to make them keep closer tabs on me and the chances are more gangs are going to know am here too, and that I've been stirring up trouble," he sighed, "you should listen to your parents, stay away from me."

Reuben frowned, "what are you saying? Who are you James? I think it's time you tell me what I've gotten myself mixed up in."

James stopped, and planted his hands on his hips, "Reuben.... I'm an ex-con, I've been wanted in so many islands for drugs, assault, possession, I was all in, " he paused and looked at Reuben, who was staring at him in disbelief.

"You still want to have anything to do with me?"

Reuben looked at him and took a step toward him, "but you've changed. If any man be in Christ he is a new creature, old things are passed away, all things have become new."

James nodded, "that's right, not only have I served my time but I'm not the same person I was. Got saved while in prison, myself and this other guy named Chris, we got out together and.... you sure you want to hear this?

Reuben nodded, "it's about time don't you think. Be right back."

James watched as Reuben went to his parents and he somehow convinced them to go ahead, and he came back.

"Let's go to my car," he said.

James leaned back against the car seat and took a deep breath, "I met this young man in prison, we had nothing in common except for the fact that we were in the same line of work and we were forced to share a jail cell, but he inspired me. We sat down together week after week as a minister came in and spoke to us on forgiveness and change and God loving us despite everything, his sacrifice, showing us how far man has come because of God and how much we hurt him with our choices. He taught us about salvation and how Jesus was willing to take us back no matter how dreadful our sin.

My... friend, Chris, he got saved before I did, and he helped me to understand and then I made the decision too. We just hadn't experienced any kind of love before. Because of Jesus Christ when we came out we were new men. Chris and I decided to stick together, it wasn't easy to just quit the life, there would always be jobs pending, opportunities waiting, dangerous men approaching you in the street, knocking on your door, hunting you down. We slipped once, got an offer so good, we couldn't imagine turning it down, it would have provided us with the finance we needed to get out once and for all and get back here. Chris especially, he had family here, I didn't, never had family. Chris was the closest to family I ever had."

He paused and the sadness in his eyes sobered Reuben, as he realized what James had been through and how much it took out of him to share it.

"Any way we went to the job, but somewhere along the way our conscience got to us and we realised that doing the wrong thing for the right reason wasn't good enough. But we

were too far in to just turn back, so we sabotaged the job. We called the police, let out the time, the place, the crew involved, we figured we were gonna do a good. It would take a bunch of crew members off the street and give them the opportunity we got, to find salvation. And it would prevent the innocent deaths that would've inevitably occurred. But things got out of control, the police came down on us hard, and we couldn't get out in time, we got caught in the cross fire, us and two innocent bystanders. Chris tried to save them, brought them out of the danger zone safely, but he didn't, he got shot."

The tremor in his voice unnerved Reuben, "I stayed with him, right there on the sidewalk hidden behind a car until he died then I got out of there. He gave me this..." he took out his wallet and removed a folded envelope, "this is for Sherry, his mom, and I have another one for his brother, Michael."

Reuben looked up at him with wide eyes, "Chris? That's... that's Alex's long lost brother."

James nodded, "That's right. Chris died that day in my arms but I promised him I was going to go back and I promised him I was going to take care of his family, and that I was going to ensure they heard the good news that had changed our lives."

He swallowed hard and shook his head, his chest tight with emotion, "all I had to go on when I came here was this," he took out an old picture of a young girl of about six, Reuben took it and looked at it closely.

"The face has changed a lot," Reuben said, "but I would know those eyes anywhere," he looked over at James, "so that's why you were so interested in Alex."

James nodded, "She was the only link I had to the family, and once I met her I just couldn't leave it at that. Just drop two letters and tell them the tragic news that their brother was dead, I had to do more and that is why I came to you."

Reuben sighed, "Wow Jay, this is big, this is real big. You don't expect me to want to back out now."

James frowned, "Aren't you afraid of me, I'm not sure how many of these guys know I'm back here, that Giant guy knows for sure. That's why I don't trust Michael with them, he's not safe; they're gonna make him pay for his brother's betrayal."

Reuben extended his hand, and James took it after a while, "I'm with you on this, one hundred percent."

James smiled, "I still have to protect you, for your parents' sake and Alex, she'd never forgive me if she knew I got you hurt."

Reuben grinned, "You really think she likes me that much?"

James chuckled, "boy that girl is crazy over you."

The incessant knocking on the front door awoke Michael from his late afternoon nap, and as he jumped to his feet with a chorus of obscenities, bits and pieces of his research fell to the floor.

"So what they waking up man so for," he grumbled as he made his way to the door, "ah coming, wait nuh!" he called after another sharp knock.

He yanked open the door and found himself looking at the object of his paranoia over the past couple days.

"What do you want?" he asked gruffly.

James spread his arms and shrugged, "I want to talk to you Mike, that's all."

"Yeah whatever," Michael grumbled and started to close the door.

James put out his hand to stop him, "Mike just hear me out, I know you're mad at me for pulling you out the other day. But you for yourself have to admit that I kept you out of that trouble, with the deal going bad and everything. You could have been hurt."

"But I wasn't, and no one else in my crew either," Michael replied.

"Your crew? Mike you don't have a claim these guys, these guys don't care about you."

Michael scowled at him, "man hell. Get off my property. You don't know me and I don't know you..."

"I knew you well enough to know you didn't want to be a part of that, you were glad that I pulled you out."

Michael looked over James shoulder and noticed Reuben's bright red car parked on the other side of the road, these guys didn't believe in being subtle did they.

"Yeah whatever man, I don't need to listen to this," this time he shut the door in James face.

"I have a message from Chris!" James blurted.

Michael opened the door and looked at him with a frown, "Chris?"

"Yes," James looked at him with pleading eyes, "We served time together," he said.

Michael was suddenly pale; his lips drawn into a thin line, "why didn't he bring it himself?" he asked "Is he still locked up?"

James took a deep breath, "can I come inside?" James asked, "it'll be weird saying everything here."

Michael hesitated, he cast a wary eye over at Reuben's car then he opened the door wider, "come in," he mumbled.

"Nicole!" Mike called as he followed James into the living room.

"What!" came the annoyed response from the bedroom.

"Come out here!"

He gestured to the couch and James sat down, tapping his fingers on his knees nervously. Michael sat adjacent to him on the single sitter, his arms folded over his chest, his jaw set tight, in an attempt to hide his anxiety.

Nicole came out and after the introductions were made she sat down on the arm of Michael's chair, looking equally nervous.

James reached into his side bag and took out two envelopes, "Chris gave me this to give to you," he said, he took one out and gave it to Michael, "this one's for your mom, I have to give her myself."

Michael looked down at the letter in his hand, and fought the sudden urge to cry, he knew what this meant the moment James mentioned Chris; there was just a part of him that just kept hoping he was wrong. That somehow, Chris had been delayed but he would be here by this time next year.

"Look this is the hardest thing I think I've ever had to do. Chris was my best friend, more like my brother and I know that this would be harder on you than it was on me. I'm gonna start where he would've wanted me to start, although I'm sure he would've found a way to tell you in there," he motioned to the envelope in Michael's hand.

"Chris and I got saved together in prison. We walked in there, cold hearted killers, with no hope for the future, nothing to look forward to but violence, death and prison sentences. But we walked out changed men, having realized our worth as sons of God, we had a future now, even though, our life here had been wasted for over twenty something years we had a future in eternity with God..."

He went on to tell them the story of their last job, the job they'd sabotaged where Chris had lost his life. They listened intently, Nicole with tears welling up in her eyes and Mike's jaw tightening by the minute.

"He died in my arms and his last words to me were..." James bowed his head, going back to that tragic day.

He had held Chris shaking body in his arms, tears streaming down his cheeks, as he clung to his cold hand.

"We knew it was going to end like this," Chris sputtered, a wry smile on his face.

"No we didn't, you going home man, home with God... and I'll be right behind you," James had said, trying to give his best reassuring smile through his tears, "We didn't know that part nuh man?"

Chris had smiled, even in his last moments his good natured humour still won out.

"Do me a favour Jay, my family back home," he took a folded package from his denim jacket and handed it to him, now soiled with his blood, he was getting weaker then, his speech becoming slurred and his movements slow.

"My ma, sisters and my brother, the pastor said we're God's children now and that mean changing and touching lives, just like how we own was changed..." he paused and took a deep wheezy breath, "I wanna see em again man," he pointed weakly to the package, "it have a picture in here, that's Alex, she the baby... find her and you find the rest, take care of her for me and..." he turned and groaned.

"I wanna.... see... my family.... again..." and with a gasp he was gone, gone cold and limp in his friend's arms.

He looked up at Nicole and Mike now, Nicole was collapsed on her brother, sobbing uncontrollably and Mike just stared into space, his eyes blood shot, his lips quivering.

"He's dead?" he said huskily, "Chris..." he leaned forward and gripped his hair in anguish, and to think that all this time he'd thought Chris had abandoned them when he never had the chance to come back.

James leaned forward and placed a hand on Mike's arm, "but there's hope Mike, Chris last wish was that he see you guys again. He wants you guys to find what we found, something so spectacular it had changed our lives forever, he wants you to have that gift too."

Michael looked up at him, "What are you talking about?"

James smiled, "Salvation Mike, giving your life over to God, no reservations, giving him all control, laying down all our selfish desires so that his purpose for us can be fulfilled in our lives. Don't you get it? God loves you."

Mike shot to his feet taking them both off guard and he glared down at James, "No I don't get it!" he cried, "I don't understand nothing you just said. My brother's dead, nothing ain't gonna bring him back, and I don't need your Holy Bible talk, that's a bunch of crap and you know it, God should've saved Chris from death. Talking 'bout salvation, where was Chris salvation?"

"Mike, there's more to life than what we see in front of us, there's more to life than death, that's what Chris wanted you to understand. Trust us we know, the gang life, the drug deals, the scars it's worth nothing. Chris wants you to stop living to die, to not do as he did, as we did. Look at me, when I'm finished here I have nothing, no one to go to, no family, no friends, all the friends I had before want me dead now, just like Chris friends want to destroy his twin brother."

Mike was shaking his head, "I don't need to hear this," he muttered.

"You think Giant cares about you, he was there, he lost millions because of me and your brother. You think he cares about you, he's just looking for an opportunity to make Chris pay, and what better way than to destroy his twin brother. He knows how much Chris loved you, now come on man, think."

"That's a waste of time and you know it, am out a here, I got somewhere to be," and he headed out the door.

James hurried out after him. There was a tinted black car parked outside waiting for Mike, he marched out ahead of him, Michael hurried out behind him, "James stay out of this!" he yelled. But James was already banging on the glass of the car.

"Let me see yuh face," he commanded.

Slowly the window slid down and a stone faced man looked up at James, a smug look on his scarred face.

"You don't have no business here" he said and he reached through the open window and grabbed the driver's collar, his chest heaving with rage.

Michael winced at the clicking sound of safeties unlocking and took a panicked step toward him, but James didn't even flinch at the numerous barrels being pointed at him.

"Yuh could block a bullet bad man?" one of them teased.

Reluctantly James let go of the man and turned to Michael, "Yuh know what, you're right. You old enough to make your own choice," he said with scorn, "just remember the end result."

Michael glared at him, "Whatever man, get a life."

The men in the car started laughing, "Let's go man, before you mommy get another fit."

James watched as the car drove away, his chest tight with anger, how could Michael be so stupid. He was so tense he almost didn't feel the tentative hand touching his shoulder. He turned around to a teary eyed Nicole.

"I've had enough of this, please help me," she looked away as a fresh onslaught of tears flowed.

James smiled and embraced her, "I know, I know you've had enough."

She buried her face in the front of his shirt and cried, "I just don't know how to fix it, I don't know anything," she cried.

James nodded, "don't worry Nicole, it's a start."

Just then his phone rang and even though he wanted to ignore it and focus his attention on the girl clinging to him, he still excused himself and answered it. It was Reuben; he looked over at him in the car, ready to give him the eye, but he stopped short when he heard what Reuben had to say. He hung up and turned to Nicole.

"Nicole?"

She looked up at him quizzically, "What?"

He took a deep breath, "Alex is missing."

24

How Low Can you Go

When Sherry opened her door, she expected to see the tall good natured stranger from Alex's church, now not so much of a stranger but the one person she hoped could make sense of all this. After all he was the only person she knew who'd gotten through to Alex. But instead there were three at her door, Nicole included, looking up at her with the greatest anxiety.

"Come in,"

Reuben led the way, appearing to be the most comfortable of the three. Nicole ducked from her mother's questioning yet worried eyes and James couldn't stop staring. He looked at Sherry as though she was the most spectacular thing he'd ever seen. Sherry could not think much of it now, not with Alex missing. She had left the house in such a state Sherry believed that she could be anywhere right now, completely vulnerable.

"I'm sorry if I call yuh in a bad time," she said to Reuben as she shut the door behind them.

Reuben smiled reassuringly, "it's never a bad time where Alex is concerned, anything I can do to help I will."

He turned to James, "this is my friend James, and while we're here I think you two would like to get acquainted as well."

James stepped forward and offered his hand, Sherry took it. He held her hand with both of his, bowing slightly as he greeted her.

"Such a pleasure to finally meet you," he said.

Sherry frowned and slipped her hand out of his, frowning at his enthusiasm. She led them into the living room where Nicka was sitting on the edge of the couch, looking absolutely frantic.

"Nicole!" she exclaimed, getting up to go to Alex's sister.

"What happened Nicka?" Nicole asked.

Nicka grimaced, "Alex... she's gone."

"What do you mean gone? Look Alex must've just gone to blow off some steam, you know how she gets sometimes," Nicole said with a nervous chuckle.

"I saw her a couple days ago... and there might have been reason for her to uh... be mad," Nicole continued, glancing over at Sherry guiltily.

"No, she didn't come home since she leave here yesterday, we had a bit of a falling out with Ryan," Sherry said, her voice quivered slightly and she looked out the window nervously at the setting sun, soon it would be dark and she would still have no idea where her daughter was. Alex had never been this angry before.

"When she didn't come home yesterday, I say she maybe gone to your place... but I call Mike..." Sherry shook her head and took a deep breath, surprisingly overwhelmed.

"She wouldn't come near me," Nicole muttered, taking a seat.

Nicka shook her head, "When Ms. Moore called me today I knew something was wrong, I saw her yesterday at that party with that Kane guy, we had a fight over it... and I left her there. I shouldn't have but... I did," she shook her head, remembering the events of yesterday. The others were looking at her expectantly, as though they knew there was more to come.

"I saw her at school today..." she continued.

"Well that's great then, she's fine," Nicole interjected with a smile.

Nicka shook her head, "no it's not, where did she sleep? Not at your place, nor mine, nor her mother's," she looked at Reuben and James, "what about you?"

Reuben shook his head, with a sad frown, "last person on earth she'd come too, I think," he said.

Sherry sat down with her hands over her mouth, shaking her head, looking utterly anguished, "all of us push her away," she sobbed.

Reuben sat down next to her and drew her close to him like he'd known her all his life. The room grew silent then, everyone deep in thought.

"That's not all," Nicka said softly, everyone looked up expectantly, "We had a mock French test today..." she shook her head.

"I've never seen Alex so unfocused, she walked out of the exam first, I didn't see her afterward, when I got home, Miss Moore called me."

"Don't worry Miss Moore, we'll find her, won't we Reuben?" James said solemnly.

Reuben gave a terse nod, "definitely."

"Aww, can't find your sweet little Angel," came a taunting voice from the foot of the stairs.

They all looked up at a sneering Sonti.

James frowned at her, "you know where she is?" he asked.

Sonti perused him from head to foot, smiling appreciatively, "I might."

James took a step toward her, "Where?" he asked.

Sonti chuckled, "What makes you think I'll tell you?"

James cocked an eyebrow, "oh I know you will."

Alex scrutinized herself in the full length mirror in Kane's room, behind the bar. She tugged at the hems of the skimpy red dress that Kane was so proud of buying for her and bit her lip. I can't possibly stoop any lower than this, she thought, just as Kane came up behind her and kissed her neck.

She took a deep breath to put the wave of nausea at bay and tried to smile, it was almost as if he was preparing her for something. What had Alexis gotten herself into? She had no intention of staying at Kane's place last night, but as it turned out, the punch was the least of her worries. She woke up in his spare bedroom with another hangover, lucky for her he wasn't as lecherous as he presented himself to be, or a drunken runaway would've been the perfect opportunity. Her cheeks reddened as she remembered the way she had thrown herself at him last night, but he turned her down, much to her surprise and relief.

She continued to stare at her reflection, hearing nothing Kane was saying. The girl staring back at her in the mirror wasn't the same Alex, and she wondered if she could ever get her back.

Kane led her out into the life of the club and took her to the bar. Alex looked about her warily; the people were getting out of control by the minute, even as the upbeat dance hall music was changed to thumping Techno. The room seemed to swell with waves of dancing bodies, flowing like a dark sea under a wavering neon moon.

"Don't look so scared" Kane said, "That makes you a target for club jacking paedophiles" he grinned at her but Alex didn't think that was funny.

"Interesting word choice," she said, "how can people listen to this nonsense?" Alex asked, referring to the sexist song blasting through the trembling speakers. Still looking at the ocean of madness, she took the offered beer and lifted it to her lips.

Kane smiled, "But they're not listening to it Môn Cherie, they're dancing to it" he corrected, "Tonight I introduce you to a new kind of party."

Alex looked at him angrily, "Whatever Kane, and stop calling me that, we both know am not your love," she sneered.

"Whoo ho ho" Kane crowed, "We are a little feisty tonight. Red really is your colour. I will not mind seeing a little less of it though," he chuckled mischievously.

Alex swallowed hard as she tugged at the mini dress. It had seemed like a good idea to wear it an hour ago, with him grinning at her appreciatively, but now she just felt... cheap.

He leaned closer to her ear and whispered almost maniacally, "you do not want to make this difficult for me Alex. I was a perfect gentleman last night remember."

Alex suddenly felt like crying, her throat, snapped shut and she felt her head get light. It was clear what Kane wanted from her and now she wasn't so sure she wanted him to have it.

"I wanna go home," she said, "my mother is probably worried."

Being with Kane had never felt so dangerous before, every decision she had made over the past couples days just rolled right into another. She was finally opening her eyes to how foolish her actions had been, how she might lose everything she'd ever fought for but she wasn't sure there was much she could do about it now.

Kane smiled, "Come babe, haven't you been having a good time with me, besides we cannot just leave like that. Here," he handed her a small shot glass.

"What's this?" she asked, looking down at the bland drink in her shaking hand.

"You know you can trust me," he said and planted a light kiss on her lips, "Be right back."

Alex looked at his retreating figure and sighed, then swallowed the whole drink in one gulp. The shot went right through her; she winched and scrunched up her face at the bitter taste on the back of her tongue.

"Oh God, ugh!" she looked at the glass as though seeing it for the first time, "What is this?" she asked to no one in particular.

"Well if you didn't buy it, tell yourself it's you against luck tonight."

She turned around toward the voice; the bartender was smiling at her.

"What?" she asked,

"You don't look so well," he said as he slid a glass of beer to a customer at the far end of the bar.

Alex shrugged, "I feel fine."

"Really?" he narrowed his eyes at her then reached for her empty glass. He took two quick sniffs, and then held it up to the overhead lights, peering at the drip of liquid at the bottom.

"What's a nice girl like you doing in a place like this?" he asked, placing the cup between them with a thump that was not necessary.

"Kane is my cousin but guys like him are..."

But before he could finish Kane showed up and grabbed Alex from behind, wrapping his long arms around her midsection.

"Hello darling," he greeted, as he eyed the bartender with a daring smile.

"Kane, this your girl?" the bartender asked, his brows furrowed in confusion; torn between loyalty and duty.

"Yep" Kane replied and nuzzled Alex's neck for emphasis, "all mine."

Alex could not understand what they were saying, or maybe she just didn't care. Something very strange was going on, yet she could not focus long enough to figure it out.

The music seemed to have gotten louder, like it was crawling under her skin, digging into her thoughts. She turned to look at Kane and beyond his smiling face she was certain she saw Antonio's familiar face smiling at her, but then he disappeared into the crowd. Alex frowned, easing off her seat uneasily.

"Hey," Kane said, "look at me," he turned her face toward him, "What's the matter?"

"Take me home," she mumbled, feeling her heart thumping against her chest; fighting with her breath for a steady pace.

"I know what you need," Kane was saying, his words seemed to stretch and bend against the rhythmic techno. She didn't need more to convince her that she was no longer in control.

He pulled her into the sea of dancers and without any prompting Alex threw her head back and shook out her hair, it felt so liberating. She shut her eyes and started swaying in time with the jumpy beat, her body eager to exert itself. Gradually, her swaying eased into a quick rhythmic jump; soon she was lost in her own world, a colourful world, bending in and out of shape, curving around her pleasantly.

She couldn't see the hungry and excited look in Kane's eyes as he moved in closer.

"That's my girl" he said and pressed a small pill against her lip, "This will make you feel better."

She let him press the pill into her mouth, not hearing a word he said. All she wanted to do was contain herself in this pleasurable feeling, she could feel nothing but the thrill of dancing, of the music seeping into her, nothing else existed but the music and Kane's hands holding her steady. She was so absorbed in this colourful new world that she didn't even notice the difference in the hands that held her, or the body that was now pressing against her... neither did she care.

"Hmm, looking good, nice and sexy" came the oily Hispanic voice.

Her eyes flicked open. Despite her inebriated state, she knew that detested voice, she knew that she needed to get away, the ugly gash on his face floated before her eyes, mocking her, but she was helpless to respond to her fear. So helpless... she closed her eyes and let the rhythm of the club take over.

James walked into the room and a surge of heat overwhelmed him, the music seemed to press against him, like an invisible force field. He looked around him and the knot in his stomach tightened, why did his search for Alex lead him here? He took a deep breath and gagged, the strong smell of alcohol and Marijuana almost stifling him. In all his life he'd never been at a party like this, and he'd been to a good bit of them, so he couldn't figure out why in the world Alex would be here.

Reuben came up beside him, looking quite uncomfortable, "Oh Lord, please don't let me be too late," he muttered.

As the two of them pushed through the heated crowd James whispered a prayer for guidance. They made their way to the bar, with Reuben throwing furtive glances over his shoulder, hoping to notice the familiar face yet afraid that he might.

"What'll it be?" the bartender asked.

James shook his head, "I'm looking for someone" he said.

"Aren't we all. Have a drink man, you look tense."

James swivelled on the stool so he could get a better view of the crowd, they were out of control, the sight of men and women gyrating and jumping all over each other repulsed him. Reuben just stared, clearly out of place here; James was beginning to regret bringing him.

"Maybe I can help you out," the bartender offered.

James turned to face him again, "Maybe," he eyed the man suspiciously, "I'm looking for a man they call Kane, and my sister," Alex had become like a sister to him, even before he'd met her. He could see recognition flash in the man's eyes.

"Well Kane's sorta busy right now," he jerked his head toward the back of the bar and James looked over in the direction he pointed. There was a small group gathered by the DJ, dancing like there was no tomorrow. James squinted, trying to make out Alex in the jumbled group.

"You get her out of here," the bartender said.

James turned to look at him, his gaze sharp. "You know my sister?" he asked frantically.

"I thought she looked like a runaway. The tall light skinned fella in black, he's the one you want to talk to," he turned to attend to a customer.

"I see them," Reuben said, "dude, that can't be Alex!"

James pushed his way through the crowd, his eyes darting from one face to the other, his lips upturned in scorn. Reuben stuck close behind him.

Kane was back in the crowd now, grinning widely joining in the intoxicated revelling, like nothing had happened, like he hadn't just handed over a helpless girl to a complete stranger.

James became like sculpted stone, blind to all the other bodies bouncing into him. Alex was soaked with sweat, the short tight dress she wore revealing more of her than he could comfortably look at, her hair was loosed and tousled, her curls sticking to her face and neck like curled leeches, as she slithered quickly and steadily against a large man whose hands knew no bounds on her body, looking old enough to be her father.

"Get away from her!" he yelled and charged toward him.

Kane turned around from where he stood and in an effort to stop James, stepped in front of him and brought him right to the ground with a fury powered punch. James, though dazed, reached out and grabbed Kane's leg, pulling him down with him. The crowd parted, leaving the two men scrambling on the floor. James managed one rage laden fist into Kane's jaw and that was enough. He jumped to his feet, looking frantically about the crowded room for Alex. When he couldn't find her, he turned back to Kane who was struggling to his feet. By now the music had ended and those who still had an ounce of sense had started heading out the front door, while others looked on.

Kane staggered to his feet and made an attempt to punch James, despite his strong build, his movements were sluggish and repetitive.

"Come on," he mumbled.

After a moment's hesitation James slapped him hard across the face, he staggered backward and fell against the onlookers behind him.

Someone touched James on the shoulder and when he turned, his face went right into a fist. He staggered back and took a deep breath, tasting blood; he wasn't expecting that. He looked up at his assailant; all he could see was a big shadow.

"Oh Lord," he mumbled, lifting his fists feebly.

Suddenly Reuben took the giant from the side, a hard upper cut to his right jaw, he didn't budge save for the slight jerk of his head but he definitely felt it. He turned to Reuben, growling like a bear.

"Go!" Reuben yelled.

The dance floor had become chaotic, those who didn't run away had just started beating up each other, and it now became a matter of ducking and punching.

James looked in the direction where Reuben had pointed, just in time to see the man Alex had been dancing with, drag her out the back door.

"I got this, go get Alex!" Reuben called again, handling the raging bulldozer surprisingly well.

The back door opened to the back of the club, on a step lodged against the wall of the building with a metal railing going down the length of it and down the side to the ground. James came out just in time to see the kidnapper jamming Alex against a wall, trying to calm her down, she was unusually hostile.

He dashed down after them, so fast the man barely had time to react; he was a small man, about twice James age, this angered James even more. He grabbed him by the back of his neck and slammed him against the railing, as the man slumped to the ground. James wondered if he'd used too much force maybe overreacting a bit, but when he looked over at the frightened Alex he convinced himself that it was justified.

"An...Anto..." her eyes darting about in her sockets like a deer's. He took off his over-shirt and attempted to put it over her, but she stepped back from him, her eyes frightful.

"Al, it's me James. I'm not gonna hurt you, okay."

"How did he find... me?" she muttered, "how did he find me?" she asked a confused look in her eyes.

"Who is he Alex?" he asked despite the fact that time was against them.

She looked up at him with frightened eyes, "Antonio," and she motioned to the man, now starting to stir on the ground at their feet.

"He's not gonna hurt you Al, am here now, come on."

This time she did not prevent him from putting his shirt over her, and she was very docile as he led her down the steps, but before he could get to the bottom he heard the angry shouts of pursuers coming after them. Two huge men were just a few stairs above them, their size was one thing, the other frightening thing was the fact that they were armed. What kind of people had Alex really gotten involved with?

"Hey!" they called.

With adrenaline pumping, James pushed Alex forward.

"I've got you," he said, reaching out for her hand.

Alex yanked her hand from his grip and glared at him, "don't touch me."

"Al" he called, but when she looked at him her eyes grew wide with terror.

"Stay away from me" she turned and fled.

James prayed under his breath as he pursued her, he could hear the men behind him again; it wouldn't be long before they caught up with him.

Alex was still running from him, his shirt tail flying behind her like a cape, until she stumbled and tumbled down the steps.

James cried out and made his way toward her, where she laid in a crumpled heap at the foot of the stairs. Before he could reach her though, she'd jumped to her feet, blood was streaming from her forehead and down the side of her face but she didn't seem to feel it. She turned and hurried out into the night.

James followed her, she was running like a crazy woman from one side of the parking lot to the next screaming hysterically, he stared at her in disbelief. Then she stopped and stood completely still, staring at him as though noticing him for the first time, her grey eyes big and frightful.

"You alright?" he asked and made his way toward her, she looked at him and her eyes widened even more.

"You're...bleeding," she stuttered.

He looked down at the splotches of blood on his shirt from the broken nose she'd sustained in the scuffle.

"Just a little blood, nothing much," he assured her, he was more concerned with her bleeding head and the palm of her hand now lined with an ugly gash – he had no idea where she'd gotten that.

"Let's go. To the car," he gestured to the battered corolla parked a few feet away and Alex started to stumble toward it, despite her shivering body.

James hurried after her, all the while looking behind him, maybe they wouldn't come all the way out here, he thought as he fumbled in his pockets for the keys. He quickly took out his phone and dialled Reuben.

"What's your status man?"

"I'm outta there, the police are storming the place. Meet you back at Miss Moore's," Reuben replied.

"A'ight, cool scene," he hung up, "Let's go Al."

"Aye" a voice thundered behind him.

He turned to see a figure staggering toward them. James reached for Alex and eased her behind him, while trying to make out the identity of the approaching figure, in the dark it was hard to see.

"Get in the car," he whispered, "Listen man, I don't want no trouble."

The figure stepped closer with the pale light from the distant street light falling just to his waist, his maniacal laughter filled the lot as he took his hand from behind his back.

James froze at the sight of the gun in his hand and he pushed Alex further behind him toward the car, ensuring that his body shielded her.

"Alex, don't panic, yuh hear," he whispered.

He slowly pushed Alex toward the car until he was close enough to push his hand behind her and feel the handle.

"Look man, you don't want to do anything crazy," he reasoned with the dark figure, hidden by the shadows.

Alex gasped at the sound of the bullet being squeezed out of its chamber; she jerked involuntarily at the first but by the second she was being shoved into the car with James stumbling after her, he was quick. He swung out of the parking lot, holding down Alex's head, now covered with shards of broken glass.

The guys pulled up at a gas station to fill up for the long ride into the country and Mike took the opportunity to pick up some snacks and take a bathroom break.

"Hey Mike, grab some chips for me eh," one of them yelled as he sauntered toward the store.

This was his first real job, his first chance to see the internal workings of Giant's world, and though he wouldn't show it to them, he was utterly petrified. He didn't want to experience a day in the life of a gangster, he wanted to sing, he wanted to live a life that didn't include guns, death and constantly running from the law. He shoved his hand in his pocket as he entered the store, and walked up to the cashier.

"Excuse me, yuh have a bathroom I could use?"

The cashier looked up at him, a greying woman of about sixty, with thick glasses that made her eyes look bulgy. She gestured to a door on the right; he nodded and headed toward it, his fingers tracing the folded edges of the envelope where it was lodged in his pocket.

He went into the bathroom and shut the door behind him, he closed the lid, sat down and took out the envelope. His name was scribbled across the front in Chris bold print and he smiled as he thought of his good humoured brother. He wondered what had been going through his mind as he wrote this; it was so uncharacteristic of him to write a letter. This told Mike a lot about how things had changed for his brother; he still couldn't believe he was gone.

He carefully unsealed the envelope and took out the letter, pushing back the wave of emotion that threatened to overwhelm him in that moment.

Hey bro,

Two more months in this joint and I'll be heading back home, can't wait to see you guys again. How is mom and the girls? I know you taking good care of them. Mike boy, things have changed for me man, three weeks ago I give my life to Jesus, accepted him as my Lord and saviour, this is just about the best decision I has ever made and you know I had my share of bad ones. I wish you could experience this man, am in prison but I feel so free.

But Mike if you reading this letter it means I didn't get to tell you this myself, it means I didn't make it back home, mostly 'cause I got so much enemies waiting for my release I don't know how far I would be able to get to get back to you guys. Thinking about that makes me real mad at the decisions I made with my life, some things just don't disappear, like the memory of that first life you took, or the memory of your friends hitting the pavement beside you in a shoot out and never getting up again.

I don't want that for you, I want this joy that I feeling now for you, but I want you to have one with no regrets. Don't be like your brother man, you have so much more potential, especially with that voice of yours. God give that to you for a reason, I know you gonna figure it out soon enough. Take care of the girls for me, especially mom, she gonna be real sad if I die, and Alex how is she? Probably real grown now, you know you have to watch out for her right, if you don't who will? I guess this is all I have to pass on to you, but for sure is something worth-while. I love you bro, and God loves you he'll take care of you if you let him.

Chris.

Mike folded over the letter with tears in his eyes, this was Chris; he could almost hear his voice. But the content of this letter was not the Chris he had known, this was a grown up Chris, an older version he would have liked to have known, maybe be like. Chris believed in him, but Mike never believed in himself, if he did, he would not be here right now. He would be at home in his bed finishing that song he was writing, he would be excited about the future.

He took a deep breath and got up, shoved the letter back in his pocket, "alright Chris, I hear you loud and clear bro," he breathed into the air, "am scared," it was tough admitting that, even if it was to himself.

What about God, could he admit that to God, had God heard? He shook his head, he loved his brother but he just could not understand the concept of salvation, some things just did not add up in this life. But then again did it have to add up? Did it have to make sense? What if it just was?

He stepped out of the bathroom and headed out to meet the guys. Before he stepped outside he saw how they were hurrying to leave through the glass of the store, he froze.

"Moore, let's go boy!" one of them yelled.

"I'm not going," he muttered, the sudden decision resounding in his head, freezing him to the spot. He was afraid, but for the first time it was not his fear controlling his decision.

"Go find him!" he heard Giant command, sounding annoyed.

One of the guys turned and headed back toward the store, just as Mike turned and slid down to the ground against the wall, behind a shelf, watching the other guy run into the bathroom and come out again. He sat with his fingers crossed, beads of sweat tumbling down his temple, his hands shaking where they hung in his lap.

"Oh God, oh God," he chanted, not realizing the power of those simple words uttered in dire need.

He did not know what they would do when they could not find him. He could hear Giant's angry voice outside.

"The little weasel run!" he growled, slamming his fist against the hood of the car.

"He a coward, we all know that," one of the guys said with a chuckle.

"That not the point," Giant bellowed, "We go get him afterward, right now, we ha' bigger fish to fry."

"Bigger fish?" another one questioned.

"James Franklin," Giant said, his hands balled into an angry fist.

Mike's eyes grew wide, "I have to warn James," he whispered, hearing the car squeal out of the driveway. He jumped to his feet, still cautious, he headed to the door.

"Go through the back," the cashier said suddenly.

Mike stopped, "Excuse me."

"You made the right decision young man, go through the back, less chances that they'd see you."

Mike frowned at the smiling woman and nodded, "thank you," he said.

"Not a problem," she returned his smile.

He dashed out the back door. James had saved his life from something he did not even care existed, now it was his turn to save him from imminent danger, or he'd at least try, he was no coward this time. As he ran, the cold night air whipping about him like an embrace, he felt lighter and freer than he'd felt in ages.

25

Higher Daddy!

James looked over at Alex and smiled, despite the pain in his side and in his arm, two bullet wounds were not great news, it was not old news but it wasn't great. She seemed to be coming down from her high, the crazy look in her eyes subsiding to weariness. Chances were she would not remember half of this when she woke up in the morning, he hoped that was so, she did not need these memories, unless it was to be a testimony. He looked over at her again; Lord let it be a testimony.

He continued to speed, feeling his strength slipping from him in the blood oozing onto Reuben's upholstery. His head felt light but he knew it was not safe to stop yet, if he could get her right home it would be best, he couldn't worry about himself, besides he had survived worst.

"How you feeling?" he asked, needing the distraction more than she did.

Alex nodded, "fine..." she looked over at him briefly, "I'm sorry," she said; her voice almost inaudible.

"It's alright..." he started to say, just as a van rounded the corner, speeding toward them, showing no intention of pulling away.

James eyes grew wide and he reached over and griped her hand with his bloody one, using his other hand to manoeuvre the car, he yanked the steering wheel to the left just before the van rammed into his side of the car, causing it to flip unto the road side. Alex's terrified screams filled the car as it toppled over and over with James clinging to her. Time seemed to stop as he looked over at her, her eyes, big with fear looked back at him and he smiled through his prayers, preserve her Lord.

The street suddenly grew quiet, the screaming had stopped and the car laid in a heap, jammed against a pole, crumpled at the sides, the figures inside of it now still.

The perpetrator reversed and stopped. The driver's door opened and Giant stepped out with a gun in his hand. He walked toward the car stiffly, his face set like flint.

"Giant, the police coming, boy le' we go!" one of the guys called after him.

But Giant continued to walk toward the car, James watched him through heavy lidded eyes. Giant paused as the sirens of approaching police cars filled the air and swore. In that moment he had to decide which was more important to him, seeing James Franklin helpless at his mercy or saving his hide, he stomped angrily and hurried back to the van.

"Take the wheel Percy!" he called as he ran toward the vehicle.

"Is bad nuh" Sherry said after a long spell of silence.

Ryan looked at her questioningly, "you don't know that" he said, he didn't know what to say, and oh how he wished he did. He could not help feeling like part of this was his fault, if he had not been so hard on Alex, she might not have run away.

Sherry shook her head, "look at them, they don't look like if they have good news for us," she eyed the police men suspiciously.

"They aren't the ones with the news we really want to hear Sherry," he said, with a reassuring pat on her shoulder.

Behind the group of straight faced police men, they saw Michael walking toward them, stepping haltingly as he eyed the officers warily.

"Ma, what happen?" he asked, breaking into their conversation without a qualm. He was sweaty and his chest was heaving, a panicked look in his eyes.

Sherry embraced him and he looked over at Ryan with a frown, Ryan shrugged and motioned to the doctor coming toward them.

After the formal introductions and greetings Doctor Myer, started to brief them on James and Alex's condition.

"Ms. Moore, your daughter sustained a minor head trauma, a few bruises and cuts, and a sprained ankle. From the extent of the damage to the car Miss Moore, we cannot begin to comprehend how she even survived. She's a lucky girl."

She referred to the chart in her hand briefly then looked up at them again.

"Angel seems to have ingested a drug known as ecstasy in addition, the alcohol levels in her blood are making things a little more difficult and this is our main concern now. So we're going to keep her monitored until the drugs are out of her system."

Sherry grabbed hold of Ryan, "That not right" she cried angrily, "she would never do that, Ryan she would never do that," she looked at Ryan then at Michael, neither of them could give her the support she needed.

"Ecstasy is a drug that..."

"We know what it is...just tell us what it's done to my sister," Michael interjected, clearly on edge tonight.

Doctor Myer paused and looked at Sherry; she closed her chart and tucked it under her arm.

"Ecstasy affects each person differently, and it depends on the circumstances. Angel is clearly not a consistent user..."

"Please call her Alex," Sherry interrupted.

The doctor nodded, "Alex's body is reacting adversely to the drug, we're trying to stabilize her heart rate and body temperature, and she is dehydrated and delusional. We don't think she even understands where she is or what has happened to her. About five minutes ago she had a minor seizure, but she seems to be progressing, our main concern now is her heart rate and body temperature. But I assure you that your daughter is in good hands tonight."

Sherry sat down and placed her head in her hand. Michael sat down next to her and propped his chin on his hand.

"When can we see her?" Ryan asked.

For the first time the Doctor smiled, it was a quick polite smile, "I'll let you know."

Ryan sat down next to Sherry and hugged her, "She'll be alright."

Sherry nodded, "yeah, but this is Alex, how she get herself involved in this, how I could let her?"

Mike looked up at the doctor, "what about James?" he asked, and at the same time Reuben came running through the entrance, his shirt wet with perspiration, sweat running down his forehead from his hair.

"Oh!" he gasped, fighting to catch his breath, "sorry, I got here as fast as I could. How are they doing?"

He straightened up and frowned at their solemn faces, "oh no," he groaned.

The doctor shifted her weight uncomfortably; she was clearly not fond of her task at the moment, "James? We aren't quite sure about James; we have no family for him, no information..."

"We his family," Michael said adamantly, everyone else nodded in agreement.

"Okay then, well in that case... James' lost a lot of blood from the bullet wounds, one shot to the upper arm and one to his side, but in the accident it was even worse for him, numerous cuts and bruises, two broken legs and a concussion" she sighed and shook her head, "I can encourage you to be hopeful, but the truth is there is nothing more we can do at this time, but wait and see if he pulls through."

"If?" Reuben stepped forward, his face pale with fear, he shook his head and looked at her sharply, "what do you mean, if?"

She grimaced, "I mean realistically, there's a great chance that James may not survive surgery."

They all stood frozen, the doctors last few words lingering on their faces, grieving for a man they barely knew. The doctor continued to speak.

"In the meantime, speak to a nurse at the nurse's station, she'll tell you where and when you can collect their things."

She nodded and walked away.

She took a big gulp of the cool December breeze and squeaked in delight, as she dropped backwards from the sky into her father's waiting hands, he pushed her into the air again and she spread her arms, folding her legs around the old tire.

"Look at my Angel go!" Declan cheered, with a wide grin.

"Higher daddy!" she cried, holding onto the rope tightly, in preparation for the much anticipated height.

"No more Angel," Declan said, steadying the swing.

Alex sighed and dropped her head in disappointment, "but why daddy?"

He came around to face her, still holding the ropes of the tire swing so she would not push herself too far away from him.

"Daddy needs to talk to you, sugar plum," he said, his voice like a gentle stream, with his thick English accent like boulders to his speech.

She looked up at him with suspicious eyes, her childish mind already reeling with ideas of what her father might want to talk about. There was not much she could come up with, but she had only turned eight about two weeks ago maybe he thought she was grown up enough to talk to her about new things.

"Angel, what I'm about to tell you, I'm telling you because I love you, because you're the most important thing in my life..."

"What is it daddy?" she asked, her blue-grey eyes trying to hold his shifting ones, with a questioning tilt of her head.

Declan took a deep breath then exhaled deeply, looking absolutely ashen under the bright midday sun.

"You remember what Goethe said about dreams?"

She nodded, "whatever you can do or dream, you can begin it. Boldness has genius, power and magic in it," she recited, nodding her head rhythmically, just the way she was taught.

Declan smiled, "Good girl, now I want you to remember that. Your dreams are important, I'm telling you this because... I'm leaving."

He looked at her throughout the silence that ensued, watching the wheels of her mind turning behind her eyes. Then she perked up and gave a quick smile, "Just me and you?" she asked excitedly.

But her smile faded as his shoulders gradually slumped.

"No Angel... I... it's just me."

Suddenly there was a sharp unbearable pain in her stomach, she doubled over and groaned.

"Daddy it hurts!" she cried.

"Daddy who? Your daddy ain't coming back, suck it up."

She looked up into her mother's angry face, her eyes bulging out of their sockets in dreamlike exaggeration, a lit cigarette lodged between her index and middle finger, smoke circling her head like a monstrous dragon.

"Here put some ice on it," she mumbled as she handed her a tray of ice, an uncomfortable look on her face.

Alex frowned, looking about her just in time to see the walls peeling away like ancient wall paper, as the ground beneath her feet disintegrated.

"Oh my God!" she cried.

"Alex!"

"James?"

The room enveloped itself and she shut her eyes, only to open it against the blinding pain in her head. She pressed her hand to her head, wincing at the sticky wetness beneath her fingers, and withdrew hands dripping wet with blood.

"Alex?"

James was looking over at her with a reassuring smile. They were in a car now; Alex looked about her in panic, feeling her heart thumping hard against her chest.

"Oh my God James!" she cried, "I'm dreaming."

James smiled, "you're gonna be okay," he said.

Her gaze fell on his shirt and she gasped at the widening red holes, now drenching his shirt with his blood.

"You're bleeding..." she started.

Suddenly James started to grow, pushing against the confines of the car, his face quickly contorting into a familiar, dreaded person.

"I tell you I get you back," Antonio sneered, as he reached for her with hard hands, his fingers long and needle like.

"Don't touch me!" she cried, jamming against the door, "don't touch me! Help! Somebody help me!" she shrieked.

"Alex! Alex!"

Strong hands gripped her arms and shook her. Her eyes shot open and she looked up into Sherry's terrified face.

"Mommy?" she cried, relief washing over her like cold shower.

Sherry nodded, biting her lips in an effort to hold back a sob.

"Yes... is me?"

Alex frowned, looking about the bright room then back at her mother. Where was the scowl, the bitterness, the smoke rising from her head? Where was the hatred she always saw in her eyes when she looked into them? Instead the woman looking down at her looked aged and worried, with small crow's feet at the corners of her eyes, panicked, fearful eyes, caring eyes.

"Mom..."

Sherry smiled, feeling Alex relax in her hands, "you was dreaming Alexis," she said, slowly releasing her arm as though she was afraid she would act up again.

Alex looked about her, at the drawn curtains, shifting and bending out of shape, just like in her dream, nothing felt connected to her body.

"Where am I?" she asked hoarsely, though the beeping heart monitor should have given that away.

"At the hospital. Yuh was in a terrible accident," Sherry replied, as she placed a hand on her arm reassuringly.

"Accident?" she frowned trying to remember, then she lifted a hand to touch the bandage on her head feeling it throb at her touch, she winced and every bump, cut and ache seemed to respond in chorus. She rolled her eyes and leaned back against the pillows, shutting her eyes against the sudden dizziness, her mind reeling over bits and pieces of a memory she was supposed to have. Nothing connected, nothing fitted into its groove.

"Where's...." she paused, narrowing her eyes as she tried to force the word from her lips.

"Mike?" Sherry asked, trying to help.

Alex frowned at first, wondering if that was the name she was looking for, then she glared at her, "I know my brother's name!" she yelled, "I'm talking about James, where's James?" she asked.

Sherry pursed her lips, "I know, am sorry," the doctor had warned her that Alex would not be herself but hostility was not so foreign between them at all.

Alex took a deep breath, her chest heaving, her fingers raking the bed sheets frantically, her eyes wide. Sherry brushed back her hair from her face in an effort to soothe her.

"You alright, you gonna feel better by morning," she said, ignoring the odd stirring inside her that reminded her of the connection in a mother and daughter's touch. The realisation that it had been so long since she had actually been so close to her daughter other than to scold or punish or hurt and she could see it in Alex s crazed eyes that she felt it too.

"The whole family's outside," Sherry said, in that same levelled tone. She knew she had not answered her question about James and she was deliberately sidestepping it, as she had foolishly not prepared to give her an answer.

"Mom?" Alex looked up at her, "where is James?" she asked again, this time Sherry could see a semblance of clarity in her eyes.

"Ah..." she hesitated, she knew her daughter was not stable, not mentally – she glanced up at the heart monitor – not physically.

"uh..."

"Where's James!" Alex cried, her voice almost rising to a high pitched scream.

Sherry winced, took a breath then leaned forward slowly, "he's in intensive care."

Sherry waited for it to sink in; her grip on her hands gradually tightening.

"He is going to be okay, right?" she asked, her eyes wide and doleful.

Sherry shook her head, "he's in a coma Alex, right now we can just wait... and pray."

Alex swallowed hard, "leave me alone," she said softly, turning away from Sherry.

Sherry hesitated at first but then she reached out her hand and touched her shoulder, "you okay?"

Alex turned on her like a fiery vixen, "Leave me alone!"

Sherry slowly backed out of the curtained area, just as a nurse came in and went to Alex, who looked just as annoyed at her.

"I'll be back," she said to no one in particular.

26

The Message of the Cross

Alex woke up for the second time that morning, but she only turned to the side and burrowed deeper into the bed, pulling the covers around her face as she tried to ignore the twinges of pain all over her body and the ache in her head. She had only spent two days at the hospital, which was the longest she would ever desire to stay in such a place, but home was not much of an upgrade either.

She heard the door cautiously open, heard the careful footsteps, the gentle click of the lock and then got a whiff of her mother's favourite body lotion, but she didn't stir.

She hated the sight of her mother. Sherry's sympathetic, protective eyes always burdened her with guilt; she was supposed to the strong one, she was the one who was supposed to pity, not be pitied. She was not supposed to be the one lying pitifully in a hospital bed with drugs coursing through her body, and a man's life hanging in the balance. She thought of James and fought the urge to throw herself to the floor and wail.

Sherry came around the bed, probably checking to see if she was awake. Alex gave her no indication, she deliberately avoided her eyes, eyes that haunted her with its disappointment and confusion and hurt. It gave Sherry the ability to cut through the frozen over vessel that had become Alex's heart.

"Alex?" her mother called, tentatively at first and then with more authority, "Alexis!

Alex stirred despite her initial resolve to ignore her and peered out of an opening in her cotton refuge. Sherry's face which had hardened into a frown; now grew soft.

"I think is time you wake up," she chided gently.

Alex grumbled and covered her face again, only reappearing again when she heard the curtains being drawn, and the bright morning light fell upon her face like a slap.

"Jeez mom!" she protested, punching the pillow lazily.

"Get up!" Sherry demanded.

It was clear now that Alex's self-pity was not going to persuade her mother to let her be, like all the other similar mornings since her discharge, which was about two days ago. Alex rolled onto her back, wearing a defiant frown, her lips pouted in annoyance.

"Alex you don't find yuh had enough of this, feeling sorry for yuhself. Nicka keep calling for yuh, exams start in two weeks and you already missed out on some of your practice exams. You know you can't miss CXC, not after I pay all that money."

Alex tossed her arms across her eyes, why couldn't Sherry get it, none of that mattered to her anymore, and she doubted it ever did. Nicole was right; fantasy worlds like dreams fade with the light of reality.

"I thought you'd be happy," Alex said finally, leaning her head to the side so she could peer at Sherry from under her thin arms.

"Happy?" Sherry looked confused and a tad offended, she didn't move from where she stood near the window.

Alex chuckled drily, "am just like you mom, I'm just like Nikki," she turned and covered her head with her pillow, now look at what she'd done; she regretted the words the minute they were out of her mouth. Why had she just revealed that shameful portion of thought to Sherry of all people?

Sherry felt the same awkwardness, a look of hurt fleeted across her face. Alex's confession hung in the cool morning air, circulating the room until it pressed against the silence.

"No you're not..."

Alex braced herself for the worst, for an emotional revealing of feelings and encouragement, but after what felt like an hour Sherry had said nothing.

She looked over at her and for the first time saw the age and worry; she imagined she was the one who had placed them there.

Didn't everyone deserve to be happy? Then why was she jeopardizing her own mother's happiness. She remembered the discussion on spiritual death from youth group, she didn't quite grasp it, but she gathered it was a little like being empty on the inside and she was beginning to think she knew what it felt like to be dead on the inside; tragic, when she would've preferred to be dead altogether. Then she wouldn't have to feel the pain from the accident, she wouldn't have to think about the worthlessness of school, to see the betrayal in Ryan's eyes, the distrust in Leon's, the cruel satisfaction in Sonti's and she wouldn't have to hear Sherry's strained voice pleading for her to get back into the race. Neither would she have to live with the knowledge that she might've ruined James life if there was a life to be had and even more, she wouldn't have to try to forget those two night's she'd foolishly spent with Kane and his friends.

"Alex..." Sherry placed a hand on her shoulder and felt her stiffen at her touch, "you should at least call Nicka, it seem like they real miss you back at the school."

Alex didn't respond, why would they miss her, her mother was disillusioned in more ways than one, she thought. But how could she blame her, one would think that after she'd practically forsaken them, spending all her time chasing a dream founded on education, that she would've actually made a mark there. The students probably didn't even notice she wasn't there, and if Nicka missed her, it was out of preference rather than actual obligation, as she had more friends than the confused dreamer she shared a desk with.

There was a brief pause, during which Alex's stomach protested loudly. Sherry frowned, her concern forming foreign lines across her forehead.

"At least come downstairs for something to eat," she said, getting up.

"I'm not hungry," she replied grumpily, slightly annoyed at this body that refused to die but rather yearned to be sustained, why should she eat when James couldn't breathe on his own? She fought with the painful lump in her throat, as a lone tear eased from the corner of her eyes onto the pillow.

"We going to the hospital today," Sherry said.

James had become like family. Tragically, the man with the knowing eyes, big heart and reassuring smile was a stranger to them and the motionless body had become family. An uncanny representation of the brother they'd lost and would possibly lose again.

"You should come; it would be good for you," Sherry continued, "I think he go want you to come."

"Leave me alone Sherry."

Uncharacteristically, Sherry left, closing the door behind her, but Alex knew that wasn't all, she would be back for a fresh assault tomorrow or tonight if the day went well.

Once Sherry was gone Alex turned unto her back, tossing the covers aside, she looked up and took a deep breath, she had never felt so hopeless and alone before. She got up and tottered to the window, the one with the tall mango tree blocking the view from the road, and stared unseeingly at the quiet weekday morning. The air was fresh and cool from a night of constant rain and it reminded Alex of that night she'd first prayed, really prayed. She'd been staring out of the window up at the full silver moon, she'd felt great that night, like there had been some connection between her and Reuben's God. Somehow she'd actually believed then that she might be able to make him her God too. What had changed that belief?

Just then, the door opened and Rachel peeped in, looking like a scared child entering a lion's den. Alex watched her come in from the corner of her eye, but didn't make any sudden movements of acknowledgement, not until she was standing by the bedside, looking over at her sympathetically.

"I'm sorry," she said finally, lowering her head uncomfortably.

Alex turned to her, "for what," she asked.

"For being a terrible sister," she said.

Alex started to tell her that they really weren't sisters, but stopped, she had already hurt the child enough. Here was Rachel, a complete stranger save for the few months of rooming together, apologizing for being a terrible sister, when Alex couldn't even begin to apologize to Nicole, her real sister, who'd practically raised her. She couldn't give her the freedom to be human, when she had failed in so many ways herself.

"You are a great sister Rach," she said, returning to the bed, being careful not to put too much of her weight on her damaged ankle, her legs felt like weighty rubber beneath her.

She sat down with her back to the head board and patted the spot next to her, smiling awkwardly; it felt strange and tight on her lips. Rachel jumped up beside her.

"I couldn't ask for a better little sister. I was just... really stupid... and am the one who should be apologizing."

Rachel nodded, "okay, if you say so."

Alex laughed, it had been a long time since she'd done that and it almost felt like a first breath after drowning unconsciousness.

"I made some cheese straws..." Rachel started, looking intently at Alex's face, "I didn't burn them this time."

Alex smiled, "well good."

"I took some out for you," she looked over at her pleadingly.

"Really? Well that sounds good," Alex replied.

Once Rachel left, Alex's smile faded. It was like the sunshine had been drawn out of the room. She tried to fall back against the pillows into her ditch of self pity but somehow, she just couldn't.

She was still sore from the accident and the poking and prodding at the hospital, her left hand was heavy with the wrist caste and her head felt light and foggy in places, with the memories she didn't care to face right now. She turned her head and dropped it unto her chest with a sigh and her gaze fell on the attractive package she'd received almost a month ago from the youth president. It was still in its orange and gold paper handle bag, the torn gift paper stuffed into it along with the contents, on the bedside table; just the way she'd left it after she'd opened it.

She leaned over awkwardly and scooped it up with two fingers on her good hand and placed it on the bed between her lap. She withdrew the torn wrapping paper and stared at the black leather book, with Holy Bible engraved in gold on the front before she lifted it and flipped the pages, letting the new book smell blow against her nose. A small booklet fell unto her stomach, it was a daily bible reading plan with a where to get help section, she shoved it back into the book and tossed it onto the bedside table.

Rachel came in the room again, with a plate of cheese straws and a glass of grapefruit juice. She put the glass down on the table next to the bible and handed Alex the plate, before she mounted up on the bed beside her.

"Are you ever gonna come out of this room?" Rachel asked.

Alex picked up a cheesy pastry and bit into it, "this is good," she said, nodding with an appreciative smile, suddenly feeling how hungry she was.

"Hey ow!" Rachel yelped, getting up and feeling under her.

"What's this?" she asked, lifting a shiny silver object from beneath her.

Alex turned to look at it and frowned as she reached over to take it from Rachel's hand, she looked at it with wide eyes, suddenly remembering Reuben's bold shining eyes, 'why settle for angels Alex.... when you can have some-thing more beautiful, more powerful, more constant and so real."

This time there was a card pinned onto it, with the words: The message of the Cross is foolishness to those who are perishing but to those who are being saved, it is the Power of God... 1 Corinthians 1:18. Do you want that power?

Alex swallowed hard; it's almost like Reuben could've foreseen what her life would become.

"What are you doing with a cross?" Rachel asked with a hint of laughter in her voice but Alex was looking at it solemnly.

"It was a gift...to remind me of the length and breadth of Jesus love, and his ultimate sacrifice."

"Oh the crucifixion, we did that in school, for Easter..."

"Am I perishing Rachel?" Alex whispered, as she dropped back against the pillows, still clutching the broach in her hand, a lone tear sidled from the corner of her eye.

Rachel placed her tiny hand on Alex's shoulder, "You don't look like it. Alex don't worry, the doctor said you'll be fine."

Alex shook her head, feeling even more lost than she did this morning because she really couldn't figure out how to fix it.

"I'm not fine," she muttered, turning away from the confused looking girl.

Sherry stood outside the rusting metal door and took a deep breath. She could hear him tossing papers aside and scribbling. She could imagine him hunched over his financial documents, his forehead furrowed in concentration, his jaw clenched and his fingers white on the pen.

Since his ex mother-in-law had come to visit he'd been spending time in his office working on his finances, trying to find a way around the terrible situation he'd found himself in.

"Who's out there?" his powerful voice echoed through the garage.

Sherry winced, "It's me."

He opened the door a crack and peered out, "hey" he said, "what's up?"

Sherry shrugged, she wasn't sure if it was the right time, he could be so odd when he was stressed, if she wasn't careful, anything she said could be taken as a direct insult. But she had to do this, for the first time in her life she was eager to prove to her children that they came first in her life. She knew she didn't do a good job of convincing them otherwise, but when she witnessed what they'd all been through in these past couple months, while she was enjoying life, she knew she needed to do something. She couldn't deny Alex a chance of recovery, this seemed to be something Alex needed, that they all needed; to work things out together just as Chris would've wanted it, and this time she wasn't going to let them do it without their mother.

"I... it's nothing" she stuttered.

He opened the door wider and stood there staring at her, his eyes dark and thoughtful.

"Look Ryan, don't get vex with me nuh?"

"Why would I?" he stepped out of the room and made his way toward her, "You're the one who should be mad at me; after all I brought you into this mess."

Sherry took a deep breath, "Ryan I going back to my house."

He winced visibly and she could see his mind working. He took a step backward and lifted his head to the ceiling, his breath coming out with a hissing sound between his teeth.

"Don't do this..." he muttered, "Don't do this Sher," he pleaded, his eyes still glued to the ceiling.

"Ry..." she started.

"I can fix this," he continued, his voice thick with emotion, "don't leave me Sherry, please."

Sherry stepped toward him and embraced him, he felt like a log in her hand and she could feel his heart racing.

"Ryan I not leaving you."

He drew her away and looked down at her, confusion written all over his ashen face.

"Then what are you doing?"

"I going back to the old house with Alex, I not leaving you," she smiled up at him, "I love you, and wherever you are is my home, but I need to be with me daughter. No matter how much I love you, my children should always be my number one priority."

Ryan's strong chest rose and fell with a deep sigh of relief, "So you're coming back?"

Sherry reached up and kissed him deeply, "That answer your question?"

Ryan smiled; it seemed like ages since she'd seen him do that.

"Does that mean you're not mad at me anymore?" he asked, looking hopeful.

"Oh I mad at you."

"Then don't leave, stay let's work it out."

Sherry sighed, "we both know how it is between you and Alex, she not comfortable here anymore, she thinks you hate her..."

"But I don't, I just reacted."

"I know darling but she been through a lot and the fact that she willing to take a step to get over it is good, and I think is a good idea if we both take a break from here for a while. We have a lot to think about."

"Is this about the house, the money, I can save it."

She shook her head, "no Ryan it's not about the house or the money... okay it would be nice, but the fact is I born broke, I live broke and every man I ever been with was broke, no matter how hard I try."

Ryan sighed, "I know, I was just hoping to change that you know."

Sherry nodded, "Me too. At first you was just another way of moving up, I admit. But then I learn the importance of love and life and family. I don't care if we lose the house, we can start over, together."

He smiled and hugged her, "just don't stay too long nuh."

27

Heart & Soul

Reuben sat with his back against the wall, his polished acoustic guitar resting on his chest with his legs drawn up to it, his fingers lying absently on the strings and his eyes distant with thought. He strummed a chord absently but didn't even hear it. There was the sound of a vehicle zooming by outside the house and he could hear the muffled ringing telephone outside his room. He didn't want it to be for him, he just wanted to stay here with God and his thoughts and figure out all that had happened in the past six months.

He reached over and picked up his phone from beside him and started scrolling through his pictures. Pictures of James and the band opened up and he found himself smiling as he remembered all the grand times they'd had as a band these past couple months; fun they hadn't had in a long time. His smile faded though when he remembered that James was lying motionless on that hospital bed, no family, no background, a dying ghost.

"What was your plan James?" he asked, looking at the picture with his friend staring back at him with that powerful gaze. Even now it seemed to be hinting him, think Reuben, think and act .

His mind went back to that first time he'd met him, a frightening figure in the shadows, but with such presence.

He came upon a picture now, that oddly made his heart leap and he found himself unable to press the next button. It was Alex, looking right at the camera with a wide grin, her cap on backwards and yellow cleaning gloves on her hand, making a goofy hand gesture. He smiled then frowned, what had this girl done to him? He picked up the phone and forced himself to press next only to find another and another and another, it was like each time he caught her in a smile he couldn't resist taking the shot. She was so smart, so strong, so beautiful. If only she only knew how much she was loved by God, how much she was loved by him. He shook his head and out of nowhere came James voice, "just be her friend."

He snapped back into the reality of it all, closed the photo gallery and turned his phone face down on the bed. If James had told him then that he would have fallen for that stoic girl with the haunted eyes, he would have laughed to his face and asked him if he was nuts, which is what he'd done. James knew however, he had seen what Reuben would not have allowed himself to see. He was fighting to win Lisa back when he'd already let her go in his heart, yet James had warned him to just be Alex's friend. How ridiculous was it that he felt he needed to get more involved in ministry to win a girl back?

Now that he thought about it, he felt ashamed. He didn't need to prove his loyalty to God, to anyone, especially in this way. God blessed everyone with a purpose and a ministry and he didn't need anyone to tell him that who God has called him to be wasn't enough.

"That's it..." he put aside his guitar and sat up.

It was hard admitting to himself that he did have some feelings towards Alex but it was harder admitting that those feelings were irrelevant to her salvation. He had to put her relationship with God first and that meant, just being a friend, it meant being there for her when she needed him most, and that time was most definitely now.

He got off the bed and went down on his knees, this time he would do it right. He would go through the right channels and wait like James for the right time, the entire mission rested on his approach, he smiled as he bowed his head, I sound like James, don't I?.

When Alex stepped into her old bedroom she felt sick to her stomach, rememberin the day she'd disowned her own sister when she needed her most. Nicole had been there for her from the day her father left, she slipped up once and Alex couldn't give her in the least, a listening ear.

Nicole had moved out of the house before they had arrived, it was like she was never there and that hurt Alex even more, because she knew it was her fault. Nicole could have left years ago but she chose to stay, mostly for Alex's sake than anyone else's, she had taken a lot of hurt that should've been Alex's.

That night, as had become a norm since the accident, Alex cried until she drifted off to sleep, it seemed that was the only way she could, these days. And like all the other times before, she dreamt – nightmares haunted her sleep. She dreamt of her father, of Ryan, but the worst were the ones with James, because she never could get to the end of it, she never could figure out who the dark sinister figure was and why he kept shooting at them. The doctors had said that would happen, side effects of the drug – loss of memory, night mares, and headaches. The price she paid for trusting a man with no integrity, for trusting in the philosophy of no tomorrow.

She had been interviewed by the police shortly after her discharge, they wanted to know everything she knew about Kane. As it turned out Kane was a wanted man, somehow linked to human trafficking and drugs. Who knew what his plans for her was, other than handing her off to Antonio. The police also seemed to suspect that Antonio was into the human trafficking game, Alex wondered if it wasn't just one human he was interested in ruining. They still hadn't found them but the police were convinced that Kane and Antonio would not attempt to contact Alex.

Gradually she became as withdrawn as she had been after she'd left the hospital, she stayed in her room only coming out to eat. No one could convince her to go see James, but she clung to Sherry's updates that she never asked for but always looked forward to, listening with her head partially covered and one eye squeezed shut. But one day Alex was forced out of bed by an unexpected visitor.

When Mike came to tell her that someone had come to see her, she told him to go away. When he told her who it was, she got up, tossed the covers aside threw on a shirt over her Pajamas, made a quick visit to the bathroom and dashed outside to see him.

The sight of Reuben sitting in her living room, was the most heart-warming sight she'd ever had. She was a bit embarrassed about the state of the house, or the quality compared to Ryan's place. To think that she would miss him so much after she'd treated him so terribly and walked away from their friendship, for reasons that now seemed too stupid to have existed.

When he saw her, his face brightened and he stood with open arms. Without a word Alex slipped into his warm embrace, she closed her eyes and breathed the familiar scent of him.

"It's so good to see you umbrella girl," he breathed.

She smiled, she loved the way he said that; she wouldn't have ever believed that she could miss that name so much.

When he finally released her, she took a step back and looked up at him; he hadn't changed a bit except for the worried look in his eyes and his faltering smile.

"I missed you in church these past Sundays. Maureen had to take your spot in the Easter play," he said with a grin.

Alex shrugged, "I'm sure she did a good job," she replied.

He shook his head and his smile faded, "no one could've done Mary Magdalene like you."

There was an awkward silence after that. Alex didn't know what to say or how to react, Reuben reminded her of all the things she didn't think she deserved.

"How have you been doing?" he asked, his brows furrowed with lines of concern.

Alex nodded, "fine..." she tried to put on her best smile. Her face dropped just as quickly, "No not really," she dropped onto the couch with a sigh.

Reuben sat down next to her and waited silently, if there was one thing she couldn't stand about him, it would be his patience. But it was also the one thing she was grateful he had, or he wouldn't be here right when she needed him the most.

"I found your note," she said, "the one you slipped into the gift Carol gave me, with the Cross pin."

He nodded slowly, "I hope I didn't offend you."

There was a long pause again, she watched Reuben play with his fingers until he spoke again, "Alex, I'm sorry. I know you told me to stay away but I can't..."

Alex shook her head, "no it's fine, I'm glad you're here. In fact... I think I need you here," she continued to stare at a spot on the worn carpet, "I thought I'd have figured it all out by now but..." she sighed and covered her eyes with her hands, "why can't God make this easy... or am I just really slow?"

She looked up at him with pleading, pained eyes, "is there such a thing as a slow Christian, where God lays out everything in front of you but, you're so dumb you keep getting everything wrong and you mess up, over and over again."

Reuben grimaced, he didn't want to see her like this, so unglued, he could almost see her strength coming apart at the seams, and he wanted to cry out to God at the top of his voice to stop this. But he knew that God's way of doing things surpassed all human understanding, and that his power to stop things usually lay in our choice to ask him; sometimes it was human understanding that hindered the way he wanted things done.

"Did you ask him?"

She looked up at him with a confused frown, "what?"

"When you thought you'd figured it out, did you ask him if you'd gotten it right?"

She looked thoughtful for a moment, then shook her head and as she did, tears fell from her eyes "I don't know how. I've tried Reuben, but it makes no sense to me, how do I know he even hears me," she grew pink with embarrassment.

Reuben smiled and touched her shoulder, "That's alright bud, there's no ritual to talk to God, no defined pattern to lay your heart out before him, he knows you and loves you, but he's waiting for you to call out to him. And trust me Alex, he hears every word, if you knock he'll be at the door in a heartbeat," he smiled.

"It's tough, trust me I know. I couldn't stand the fact that I was adopted or the thought that my birth parents just didn't want me. But then I looked at it differently and saw that by giving me the parents I have now, God had given me a second chance. I couldn't see that, until I let go of all that anger and hatred and believed him, had faith in him forgave those who hurt me. And I know you need to too Alex, I see it in your eyes, especially when you try to hide it most."

Alex shook her head. He could see her pushing him away.

"Guess you heard about my escapades?" she chuckled drily, twiddling her thumbs.

"I heard some things," he replied easily, choosing not to mention that he'd been there, seen her and fought for her. Trying himself to push that memory away, it hurt so much to see her in the clutches of those men and to think that he'd come so close to losing her.

Alex nodded, "Yeah. And James?"

Reuben reached over and took her hand, "he'll pull through," he said.

"How can you be so sure?" she asked in annoyance, withdrawing her hand from his.

"That's what they call faith; you remember what that is don't you?"

Alex's face contorted with scorn, "faith? Hmm, I've had faith for a long time, hoping God would bring my Father back... and he didn't come through. So don't blame me if my faith is a little bit shaky."

"Would it have made a difference?"

Reuben's question caught her off guard, she didn't want to remember the sight of her father lying lazily on the couch emptying beer cans while he waited for his next gig, she didn't want to remember her mother's cries and pleas for him to get up and get a real job. Back then she was young and her father had taught her that you can't rush art, so she hated her mother for trying to force her father to forget his art. But now that she was older, it was easy to notice that Declan Radley was never much of a father or even much of a lover.

"My father loved me," she muttered.

Reuben's strong hands reached for her good one. She opened her eyes to his comforting face, still shaking with the memories that somehow managed to break free from their cages.

"This is not about your father, nor your mother, it's not even about your brother. It's about you making the right choices in your life, bouncing back from the wrong ones, and the beauty that comes from the depth of you because of it. I don't know what happened in your past, maybe you feel God wasn't there for you and he won't help you, but he wants to, because he loves you more than anyone could. Nothing can separate you from his love Alex,"

The passion in his eyes sobered her. Alex didn't know what to say, what to think, how to act, all she knew is that he was here after she'd pushed him away, walked out on a great friendship, gave him every reason to forget her. Yet here he was, telling her about a love that she didn't think she could ever understand.

"Thanks for coming to see me," she said.

He embraced her again and planted a light kiss on her forehead, she leaned into him and shut her eyes; she still didn't know what she did to deserve this kind of appreciation.

Reuben left Alex in a pensive mood, after hearing what Reuben had to say, she didn't feel comfortable crawling back to bed, and that was her first impulse. When she got to her

room, she found herself getting down on her knees at the side of her bed. She felt awkward at first just like all the other times she'd tried to before, and she had no idea how to start. But then she remembered the guy from the bible, Abraham. She decided to tell God about him first, just to let him know that she knew about one of his people and that she wanted the kind of faith that he had.

"God... Jesus... Lord uh... I know it's kind of crazy but... I was wondering if you could forgive for messing up so badly. I tried to fix it myself and messed everything up.... Could you please help me make it right again, I'd really like that, even though I don't think I deserve it....and Reuben says you'll forgive me. Would you please forgive me, I'm so sorry..."

28

A little Light

Alex stepped into the house, dropped her bag at her feet and just stood staring into space, her first day back at school was torture, she'd missed all of her practice exams and everyone seemed prepped and pumped for exams but her. Fortunately for her, her embarrassing escapades were being taken like a tragedy rather than a lapse in judgement. Everyone was more sympathetic and more willing to believe the story of the school star that had been in a horrible car accident, than the naive girl who ran away with a stranger for two days.

"You want something to eat? Oh and Officer Harris called, he wanted to know if you're willing to talk again."

She looked over at Sherry who was busy rummaging in the refrigerator, whatever happened to the irresponsible, heartless woman she'd once known as her mother?

"That's his business; I've talked enough. And no mom, I'm not hungry," she replied, in that bored, uninterested tone she'd acquired of late.

"Alex you need to eat something yuh know, you gonna get dry like a stick on me," Sherry persisted.

Alex rolled her eyes, she didn't want to be bombarded about her health every moment of the day. Could Sherry not get that?

"I'm fine," she said firmly, turning her annoyed gaze to her mother.

She winced inwardly at the hurt look in Sherry s eyes despite herself; she didn't mean to come off so mean, it surprised her that she even cared.

Alex turned and made her way to the kitchen, dragging her feet; Sherry had turned her back to her and was busy stacking bread slices, her lips drawn together in a firm line.

"Mom..." she took a deep breath, "I'm sorry, you're trying to help but..." she paused tracing her fingers along the edge of the counter.

"This is new to me...this isn't what I'm used to, you..." she stopped again, something in Sherry's face discouraged her from saying what she was about to. She just looked so tired and old. Alex had never noticed those frown lines or those creases between her eyes, and coming to think of it, she hadn't seen her wear makeup since the incident.

"Let me help you."

Sherry looked at Alex and the surprise on her face was as visible as her big bold eyes.

"Alex you don't..."

"No I want to..." she knew this was definitely a leap of faith, the last time they had been in the kitchen together, Alex wound up running away from a flying frying pan.

Sherry smiled and handed her the butter and a knife, "Just making some sandwich, nothing dangerous," she said as though she'd read her mind.

Alex smiled, the action felt strange almost as if she was using those muscles for the first time. They said nothing for the first couple minutes. Maybe it was the shock of what was truly happening, or maybe it was just the two of them trying to make the moment last as long as possible, without the inevitable interruption of their differences.

"You're disappointed in me aren't you?" Alex said suddenly, her eyes glued to the buttered slices of bread before her.

Sherry inhaled sharply, "yes," she said stiffly, "I was... but one thing ah can't say, is that ah don't understand," she looked over at her daughter now and smiled awkwardly.

"Alex... I know what it is to make mistake, I know what it is to feel hopeless and afraid. I mess up so much times in my life, that not messing up does feel strange and... wrong," she shook her head and put aside her last salami sandwich, placing both hands on the edge of the counter for support, she took a deep breath and chuckled.

"You my special girl Alexis, even if you only had eyes for your father."

As the words left her lips, it looked as though those words had sucked half the life out of her. Alex tightened her jaw, holding the buttering knife over a half buttered slice, unable to move, not daring to. She said nothing.

"I have my first child when ah was almost sixteen, younger than you. My mother kick me out the house, call me a little slut, throw all me clothes in the road. Ah went to live with the child father, a big, hard-back man..." she shook her head, "now every time I think about that bastard... ah just get so vex. After ah live with him for about a year, he kick me out, take me child, never see them again. Then I had Nicole... a beautiful, happy baby she was, hmm I decide then that nobody was taking my child from me and I would be the mother to her that I ain't never had."

A lone tear fell from her eyes then, and tumbled down to the bottom of her chin, she quickly wiped it away, took a deep breath, she looked over at Alex and she smiled.

"But... as usual things get out of control, I end up with five children, four different daddies just like my mother. And then I had you for the first man I had ever loved," she laughed sadly.

Alex grimaced, it now occurred to her that this was probably the hardest thing that her mother has ever had to do and she wondered why she felt she needed to.

"I thought I could change things then... but I was stupid to think so. I don't think Declan ever really loved me back, if he did, he wouldn't have left. And so, I fail Nicole, I fail Chris, Mike and the other two and when I think it couldn't get worse, I fail you. You don't know how often I look at all my children and wish I could take on all the hurt, but I can't, so I just watch and I grieve for you all. I remember the first time Nicole tell me my boyfriend had molested her, I believed her, but at that point..."she shook her head, "I guess I had already decided I had failed and you all were gonna be just like me, no matter what I did."

"You believed her... yet you let them continue" she frowned.

"I protected you Alex," Sherry replied defensively.

"How? By bringing more of them in here," there was that familiar anger again.

"Alex, and I'm very sorry.... so sorry. I didn't know how to live without a man to take care of me, and you all paid for my weakness."

By now tears were streaming down both their faces, and Alex did something she would never have done, she wrapped her arms around her and buried her face in her neck.

"I think..." Alex started her voice thick with emotion, "I've been thinking about some things mom."

Sherry pulled away and looked at her with a frown, "How yuh mean?"

Alex was shaking her head, "You have always been a horrible mom to me, but you never left and I guess that makes you better than a lot of horrible moms..." she paused and took a deep breath, what she was about to say would hurt her.

"And my father... my father is a coward, I think... he's always been a coward, but I never knew that, because the truth is, everything has to be compared with something before a sound judgement could be made. And over the past seven months I've been meeting people that make that fact clearer to me. And I've compared, and tested and I've been hurt by all of them but only because I was trying to find love everywhere else but where it really is," she shook her head, trying to make sense of her rushing thoughts.

"Do you really believe God loves us just the way we are, even when we don't love him, and that his love never fails, never stops, never disappoints. I know it might sound odd and ridiculous coming from me, but I... I need to understand."

Sherry shrugged, "you of all persons should know I don't have much of the answers."

"I keep trying to understand why my life turned out the way it has..."

"Why do you feel like you have to understand it, why we can't just make it through one day at peace with each other," Sherry interrupted.

Alex reached over and took her mother's hand, "You're right, but we can't stay in this hole, falling for the same old thing over and over. I refuse to be you mom, it ends here but I forgive you mom. Can you please forgive me?"

"Let's not fool ourselves Alex, forgiving me isn't that easy?" Sherry said with a frown.

Alex smiled, "Maybe not, but anything is possible with God."

Sherry nodded, she wasn't convinced but she was amazed, who was this person? Could she have raised someone this amazing?

They looked at each other now; there was this mutual understanding of something they couldn't explain. All those years of the bickering, the fighting, the subtle acts of revenge, seemed to have melted, trickled from their cheeks onto each other's shoulders, melting the ice around each other's heart.

The supermarket was crowded, which was typical for the last day in the month. Pay cheques were in and cupboards were empty, the children had lost or exhausted all their school supplies and that broken window really needed fixing. Nicole imagined all the concerns going through those shoppers minds, walking about with baskets and trolleys with grim, thoughtful frowns on their faces. Most of them were mothers, shopping alone with a child or two stumbling behind them, bright eyed and pleading for things their mothers' thought were unnecessary.

She leaned down on her trolley; she was so tired these days with a knot in the middle of her lower back that just won't go away. She sighed and moved forward slowly, eyeing the meat products on the cold aisle, mentally calculating how much more she could throw into her trolley without embarrassing herself at the cashier. She'd never felt so alone before, Shawn didn't want to have anything to do with her or the baby, he called her foolish for getting so sentimental, when it had worked out so well for her before.... to kill her baby. He wanted her to kill her baby, their baby, this life that she'd grown so attached to, separate but a part of her, depending upon her to protect and provide regardless of the circumstances. One abortion and a deliberate miscarriage were too much and she would die before she let it happen again.

As she moved up in the line, the knot in her throat tightened and ached and she fought back the tears, just once she wanted to not be miserable. She shook her head, what about God? James had spoken so highly of him that his certainty had almost convinced her that God could and would help her and she'd started off fine. She'd gone to church, sat uncomfortably in the back for two weeks, read her bible at least once a week and prayed. Then Shawn left and her life spiralled right back to square one, like she had never really moved.

In a daze she paid for her meagre groceries, this way she did not feel the sting of her purse becoming light in her hands, just the sting of constant rejection. But as she reached for the two plastic bags with two weeks' worth of groceries for a young girl and her unborn baby, familiar hands touched hers.

"Let me help you. "

She stopped and pursed her lips, forcing back the tears that threatened to come; she took a deep breath and turned to look into apologetic, pleading blue-grey eyes. Without a word she removed her hand and let her sister take the two bags from the counter.

"You're heading to the bus terminal?" Alex asked, as they stepped out of the supermarket, both avoiding each other's eyes in front of the crowded doorway.

Nicole shook her head, "I'm just a little way from here," she replied.

Alex nodded, "okay," she said.

Nicole looked over at her, "Okay? No it's fine Al, I'll take it from here."

Alex frowned at her, then smiled, "Come on Nicole, you won't let your sister help you carry your bags just a few blocks..." she paused and swallowed hard, pressing against the solid wall of tension wedged between them, "besides, I wanna talk to you."

Nicole turned sharply and started to walk ahead of her in the direction of her apartment.

"There's nothing for us to talk about," she said tersely.

Alex pushed through the crowd after her, the town was thick with people this time of day, and no one seemed to respect a girl in uniform, especially at this hour.

"I want to apologize," Alex pleaded when she finally came up beside her.

Nicole frowned, "apologize? You were being honest Al, you don't ever need to apologize for the truth."

Alex groaned, "you're right, but I should apologize for the way I acted... and you know that's the truth..." she turned sideways to allow a busy brood of students to pass.

"I really was a horrible sister to you."

Nicole suddenly stopped, Alex looked hopeful.

"This is me," she said, looking directly at her this time, "thanks, but I can take it from here."

Alex pursed her lips and looked up at the building before them, cracked and battered; a concrete reflection of the state of their relationship. She hadn't realized they'd walked right into the ghetto part of town; every corner looked like a potential breeding ground for crack. This place had a worse reputation that her own neighbourhood – and people were afraid to walk the streets of her neighbourhood... in the daylight.

She swallowed hard, shook her head in displeasure and turned to her sister, "nah, I'm coming up with you," she persisted.

Nicole only shook her head, all the fight seemed to have gone out of her and right before she turned away to get her keys. Alex thought she saw shame in her eyes.

Nicole's apartment was cramped and dark, it looked as though everything was forced into the matchbox room, a worn out rug lay like a corpse in the centre of the room, its tassels flayed as though frozen in the last cries for help. Alex felt cruel stepping on it.

"You can put those down in the kitchen," Nicole said, motioning to a corner of the room with a leant refrigerator and rusting stove. A cracked wall separated it from the huddled living room.

Alex placed the bags on the counter, watching as Nicole went about the room opening stiff dirty windows.

"Stop staring Al," Nicole said, catching her off guard.

"This is my home now, a gift from fate."

"That's not true, you chose this," Alex countered, "you can come home anytime you want."

Nicole smiled sadly, "I'm glad your hopeless optimism is still intact," she said as she sat down on the couch, "but you're right, I did choose this. Every decision I have ever made, has led me to this point, one small decision at a time into...this," she waved her hand about her.

"Your feet will never go where your mind has never been," Alex said suddenly, looking intently at her sister as though, she believed she could infect her with her words.

Nicole chuckled, "Who taught you that one? Your daddy?"

That offended Alex but she let it pass.

"No, I read it in a book," she replied.

"Come here Alex," Nicole instructed, patting a spot next to her. Alex complied.

"How are you Al?"

The question took Alex off guard, even more because of the genuine concern on her sister's face as she said it.

"I've been worried about you," she continued when Alex didn't respond, "I've been hearing things, terrible gossip from people from home. And it made me so mad that you would get pulled into this sick web," she reached up and brushed her sisters braided hair with her hand, her eyes brimming with tears, as she traced her finger along the fading bruises.

"But you look alright. You just don't let it all get to you, okay not for one minute, yuh hear? Keep your head up."

Alex nodded, seeing the distress in her eyes, feeling that familiar self-pity welling up again.

"Don't worry, I guess it's mom we should worry about. I hate what it does to her, the lies and gossip, about me and... the accident. I regret every moment since I made the decision I made, it was so foolish," the memories of her failure brought tears to her eyes too.

She'd skirted the edge of destruction knowingly and would've surely fallen over, into a place where she might've never been able to escape. Why? Because she had never been sure of who she was, and she'd hoped someone could show her; someone like Kane.

She looked up at Nicole, tears falling shamelessly from her eyes as she remembered her own mistakes.

"I'm sorry Nicole, you didn't deserve to be treated the way I treated you. I got mad because it hurt me to think that you could end up like this, I got so mad that I didn't think about how you were feeling," she took a deep breath.

Nicole was crying now too, her hands still pressed against Alex's face.

"You have a child growing inside you Nicole, you're having a baby. That's amazing," she cried, lowering her head onto her sister's shoulder.

"I can't leave you like this. So don't ask me too," they were both blinded by their tears, sitting on the battered couch in the dreary living room, now growing darker and darker by the second with the falling of the sun, "you never left me, I can't leave you."

Nicole took a deep breath, "oh sweet heart, shhh," she crooned, "I know, I know, it's okay. Oh look at us, we're supposed to be the Moore bull dogs, look at us crying like babies in this dump."

Alex laughed, "Mike would love to see this," she added.

"And mom would be disgusted," jested Nicole.

Alex smiled and shook her head, "actually I think she might join us."

Nicole laughed, and it sounded like music to her sister's ears, she lifted her head from her shoulder so she could see the look on her face as she laughed and she smiled.

"You're not coming back home are you?" Alex asked when they'd finally sobered.

Nicole smiled sadly, "nope, afraid not. I'm gonna be a mother you know, you can't have a baby crying in your ears when you're trying to study. Besides am gonna need to learn a few things about being on my own."

Alex nodded, "I understand.... but seriously Nikki, this place sucks!"

And they both erupted with laughter again, and every sullen object in the desolate apartment seemed to smile, finally a little light.

29

The First Step

Alex stood on the side walk, leaning against an old traffic light pole, staring off into space. She'd survived two days of exams and she wasn't feeling especially bad about them, she was even beginning to believe that it wasn't as daunting as she'd thought, was this really the life threatening exams she'd been prepping, sweating and griping over since she was twelve? Had she really made peace with her mother? Had she really forgiven her sister and come to terms with all their imperfections and failings and felt prouder of them because of it? And if she had, why did she still feel so.... empty?

She folded her arms and looked up at the over cast sky, it looked like it was going to rain, and in response a timid drop fell on the tip of her nose as though asking permission on behalf of the clouds to drench the city. That reminded her of the first time she'd met Reuben, standing hopelessly in the pouring rain; that had later led to the faith talk under the umbrella and a complete upturning of her life.

Suddenly Alex froze, feeling the hairs on the nape of her neck stand on end and her blood run cold, she knew it wasn't because of the weather but the looming shadow that had suddenly fallen over her.

"Mon Cherie," came the buttery smooth voice that at that moment had the power to stop her heart. She couldn't tell if she'd really heard it or if it had resonated from the recesses of her troubled mind.

She turned quickly to face the handsome nightmare, gapping and afraid. Wanting to prepare herself to face her nightmare but not sure how. And like a dream Kane's perfect face faded into Julien's frowning one.

"You okay?" he asked.

Alex gasped leaning forward slightly as her hand gripped her chest, trying to soothe her racing heart.

"Ohhh..." she struggled to find her voice.

And Julien grew more concerned; he placed a hand on her shoulder and bent to look her in the eyes, "Angel?"

She looked up at him, "no... yes... I.. I thought you were someone else," she said with a nervous chuckle.

He grimaced, "I take it, that that wasn't a very pleasant someone."

Alex smiled uncomfortably, "Not at all."

"But you don't need to be afraid of..."

"I know," she cut in, "I'm just... I have a lot on my mind these days."

"I could imagine," he said, lowering his gaze and looking utterly guilt ridden.

Alex smiled. She hadn't known Julien very long but it didn't take much to see that he wore his emotions like his eyebrows; so perfectly defined, it was the first thing you noticed when you saw him.

"I've been calling you," he said.

Alex nodded, "I know," it was her turn to look guilty.

There was tension, enough to hold back the rain in a thick dark blanket over the town, but it wasn't unbearable.

"I'm sorry about Missus Hartley, I tried to convince her to show some mercy, but I guess there are some people whose hearts you just can't penetrate with simple pleading," he paused, and lowered his gaze, avoiding her eyes shyly.

"I've been praying for you and your family..." he started.

"Thank you, I appreciate that," she said.

He smiled, revealing a lone dimple in his left cheek, "sooo, it looks like it's gonna pour."

"Oh yea," she replied, toying with her bag strap.

"You uh... wanna hang out?" he asked, his brown eyes blatantly begging her to not turn him down.

She smirked, "sure, I've got some time."

Julien was good company, no, he was great company. Alex found that she was so taken with his jokes that for a moment she forgot the grand tragedies of her life. As she looked over at him, time seemed to slow and images of all the men she'd encountered in the past seven months or so flashed in front of her. From Julien's dancing brown eyes and funny hand gestures to Reuben's approving smile and concerned frowns, then there was James' blank almost intimidating face with those piercing I-know-what-you-did eyes. These three strangers, who had just popped into her life for no apparent reason, but just when she needed them the most.

"I'm very happy you decided to meddle in Ryan's business," he said, stirring his spoon in the remains of his ice cream, "I know, given the circumstances that that may seem to be a very cruel thing to say but it's the only way I could acknowledge how happy I am to have met you."

Alex smiled, "funny, I was just thinking the same thing."

They laughed but sobered quickly, both staring at a spot on the concrete tiles outside the mall. Then to her surprise but not to her displeasure, he reached over and gently slipped his hand over hers.

Alex looked down at the smooth brown hands holding her slender fairer ones, and then she looked up at him. His gentle light brown eyes held hers and she smiled.

His grip grew firmer, more reassuring then he looked ahead, his jaw set tightly, "you don't know how amazing you are Angel, very easy to talk to... I don't think I'll ever regret meeting you."

She smiled wryly, if only he knew where she'd been, would he still feel the same? It felt good though, having one person in her life who didn't know enough to judge her.

"If you truly knew me you wouldn't call me Angel."

He frowned, "that's your name isn't it?"

She smiled wryly, "yes it is. How ironic."

He leaned over, "can I say one last thing?

"Yeah, sure."

"I think you have a beautiful heart and I would love to get to know you better."

Alex blushed, reaching up to push a loose plait from her eyes, "thank you, I'd like that."

The best way to prepare for life, is to begin to live. As Alex walked down the aisle of the church, her eyes glued to the cross engraved on the wooden podium, she wondered if Elbert Hubbard was referring to life in the spiritual context, or if he too was misguided by man's impression of life.

She didn't know, her father hadn't taught her the specifics of these grand words, like who were these men, where did they come from, what led them to believe what they believed, do we just accept all they say because it can fit into certain moments of our lives?

She sighed and slipped into the pew next to her mother, and Reuben sat down next to her, she couldn't be bothered with him now, regardless of how dashing he looked. Today was about her life and where she wanted to prepare to spend it, on her selfish plans or on her divine purpose. She was still thinking about what Julien had said to her. They had been talking every day since that day after school and she had opened up to him about her thoughts about God. He'd texted her this morning 'just let go, it's not an equation to solve', it made her think about James.

That first night he'd approached her, he told her God had a plan for her life, and she'd so foolishly quoted William James, the art of being wise, is knowing what to overlook but was she really willing to overlook her own salvation.

The service started and everyone stood for opening prayers, she stood as though in a daze, looking directly at the man standing at the altar, head bowed reverently, with one hand fisted passionately at his side as the words flowed from his lips. She couldn't see those words, she couldn't see his prayers floating towards the heavens, yet they all believed God heard, faith is abstract, a reflection of our actions, but just like salvation, creation, life... it was real.

She sat quietly throughout the service, not seeing Reuben's concerned looks, not hearing Michael's comments about the worship leader, whom he thought was attractive. She was just sitting there, reflecting, waiting for something to give inside of her, something that would tell her it's okay to let go.

"Whoever acknowledges me before others, I will also acknowledge before my father in heaven. And he who does not take up his cross and follow after me is not worthy of me. He who finds his life will lose it, and he who loses his life for my sake will find it."

The reverend stood tall and confident behind the podium, looking down on the congregation with certainty, his eyes bright with passion.

"We lose our lives by surrendering ourselves to God's divine purpose, his will for us... Jesus said in John chapter eight verse twenty nine, he said the one who is with me, he has not left me alone for I always do what pleases him..."

Alex looked up at him, her eyes wide, without faith it is impossible to please God. She leaned forward, even Jesus had to submit to his father's plan for his life, so what made her – a fatherless, sinful, bitter teenager – exempt from submission.

Hubbard said we can only prepare for life by beginning to live and Jesus said we only begin to live when we lay down our lives.

"God wants to have his way in your life today, he wants the best for you, don't let him down because of fear, don't reject him because of pride, don't reject him because you think you aren't good enough or that you're too good, but accept him because he loves you..."

His words went right through her like a blade and she slumped against the bench in front of her, not caring for what her mother might think, or what her brother might say later, but caring only for what God wanted from her; her acceptance and submission to his will. As she lay against the wooden bench, she cried like she'd never cried before, even though she'd been crying so often these days, there was something different about this fountain that had burst from her eyes. This came from the core of her, from her shattered heart, the sharp shards that had lodged themselves inside her were melting and bleeding out of her, in tears.

"Oh Lord I need you," she cried.

She felt a hand gently touch on her shoulder, and then those arms reached around her and she saw his hands. She saw the piercings in his hands before they reached around her to pull her into the warmest embrace that she couldn't begin to describe.

Then he spoke, when she clearly couldn't, his voice like a gently breeze, like river water tumbling over stones.

"Welcome home Angel. I've been waiting for such a long time," there was laughter in his voice.

She was leaning against him like a content baby, smiling wide, the tears still flowing down her cheeks. This is what a father's love feels like, she thought.

When she opened her eyes Reuben was looking down at her, a big grin on his face. He drew her closer to him, gently caressing her arm. She could hear the Pastor speaking again, she could hear people praising and crying out to God. She laughed, feeling light, she leaned on Reuben's shoulder as he held her firmly to his side. Nothing could compare to the embrace of her saviour... and then there were Reuben's arms, she smiled.

Why settle for silver statues when you can have something more beautiful, more powerful more constant and... real. She smiled and bowed her head, feeling a peace unlike anything she'd ever felt, envelope her.

"Dear God, I know that my sin has separated me from you. thanks for forgiving me..."

And in a narrow hospital bed, miles away, a still pale, motionless figure, lay smiling in his bed, "thank you Jesus."

It was a beautiful day for fishing, the sky was a rich blue with sparse patches of cottony white clouds hovering like grand watchmen of the sky, with seagulls rising to the sky like graceful air ballerinas and falling to the blue-green sea like air borne harpoons.

The men standing on the docks however, weren't interested in fishing. Though dressed in worn out sleeveless T-shirts, sandals and shorts with fishing hats, they couldn't look more out of place.

"Hurry up! Get those cases on the boat," one of them yelled.

He was the leanest among them all, his muscle bound chest pushing against the plaid shirt he wore and his tattooed arms with sinews wrapped like snakes were planted on his hips, as the others carried and tossed their cargo onto the ship.

"We're not home free yet, fellas," he called.

He looked down at his wrist watch and grimaced, "Darn it," he grumbled and rushed forward to pick up a small crate, deciding an extra hand would probably help them along quicker, and doing something took the anxiety down a notch.

"What's the big rush?" came a commanding baritone behind him.

He froze, the crate still pressed against his chest, he closed his eyes briefly and took a deep breath. Something told him that wasn't just another fisherman trying to be friendly.

He turned to face the stranger with a smile, and did a very good job at hiding his panic at the sight of three uniformed officers standing in front of him. His eyes went to the two parked police cars behind them and he swallowed hard.

"We just want to beat the other fellas today, just wanna get a head start," he replied, trying his best to mask his accent.

The Officer just stared at him, his eyes narrowed, a disturbing half smile on his face. By now the others had realised what was going on, and he could feel the panic vibrating off of them.

"Is there a problem Officer?"

"I'm Officer Harris. May I see some ID please?"

He hesitated, it had grown quiet now, even the neighbouring boat men were listening in. He shrugged and handed him his ID. Good for him he'd fixed himself up with a good fake alias before he'd packed to leave the island.

Officer Harris looked over the ID for an unusually long time; this made the men even more nervous.

"Hmmm, you see, Mister.... Peterson, I find it strange that this guy and..." he reached over and took a paper from one of the officers behind him without taking his eyes of the floundering fisherman.

"And this guy here..." he lifted the paper towards Kane, "looks like the same guy."

The others were beginning to murmur behind him, "really?" he asked stiffly.

"Really Mr. Peterson... or should I call you Kane Collins..."

"Listen man, I don't know what you're talking about... We're just a couple of guys going to catch some fish..."

Officer Harris shook his head, "you are a very popular man Kane, hard to miss a guy like you on this island, especially one that knows how to throw a hell of a party," his voice oozed sarcasm.

He signalled to the guys behind him, "Kane Collins, you're under arrest for possession and distribution of illegal substances, assault, attempted murder..." they read him his rights as they snapped on the cuffs and proceeded to arrest the rest of his crew.

Kane swore as he was escorted to the car. Officer Harris gestured to his men, "well let us see what in these boxes boys."

30

Refuse the expected

The sunlight streamed through the fluffy white clouds like celestial arrows and the blue sky masked the earth like a shroud of hope, it seemed to reflect the mood of everyone seated in the massive auditorium. Their gazes locked admiringly on the VIP's of the day.

Alex looked over at the many students sitting about her, their faces beaming and she couldn't help feel that this could be one of those fairy tale endings. Of course she knew that this wasn't some story, this was her life, her reality and to think that she'd almost ruined the ending... of this chapter. That she might not have made it to this day, sitting in this chair, wearing her blue gown with her silver cord of honour around her neck. Her eyes fell on Nicka's face, and she felt the bitterness of guilt burn her chest, some things weren't so easy to fix.

She couldn't believe that sitting in that massive crowd, with the bright flashes emanating from it every now and then, was her entire family and then some. She smiled to herself as she thought of all that had led them to this place. She wasn't sure about her CSEC exams because of her state of mind coming down to the end and she'd performed way under her usual ability on some of her in school exams but that didn't bother her so much, considering she'd gained something way better.

A year ago, she might've broken down and cried, called herself a failure, but now she was just happy to have made it with her sanity and family intact. It also helped that she'd been voted this year's valedictorian, she had been an A student all the way up to the accident, had a flawless record so one month of discrepancies didn't hurt her overall average too much. And as far as anyone knew, she'd just had an unfortunate time and survived a terrible accident and it turned out that she was a bit more popular than she'd thought.

As she made her way to the podium, she could feel so many eyes on her, the more important ones beaming with pride. She looked down into the crowd and held her mother's glistening gaze, her fingers clasped against her lips.

"Today is a very important land mark for us, we'll probably remember this for the rest of our lives along with all the experiences we've had together as classmates..."

Her voice resonated throughout the auditorium and for a moment she was intimidated by it, she took a deep breath and continued, "...the competition, the fights, the broken noses and skinned knees at games, deliberate or otherwise. And our faithful teachers who've worked with us, day in and day out to ensure that we did our best and reached the peak of our potential..."

"Most of us will move past today and add to these memories, we'll learn again, hurt again, win and lose again but I've learnt so much these past few months, these past five years, from friends and from rivals," she turned back and looked at Nicka who was coincidentally sitting right next to Tracy, "and from strangers and family. I've learnt that whatever we do, whoever we are and where ever we go, there will always be expectations. Some will expect you to fail, some will expect you to lose, but expectations should not cancel our chances of rising above our situations. We can choose to be mastered by our parent's failures, we can choose to be mastered by the expectations of the world or we can refuse the expected.

There are many of us sitting here today who have risen above the logics of our future. People may look at us and think, based on where she comes from, she could never amount to anything worthwhile. We call that, logic or human reasoning. But as one author puts it God doesn't build sky scrapers, men do... and they have the touch of human genius. But you can't find a man who can make a star. And when God steps in, it's like the difference between a skyscraper and a star."

She took a deep breath and looked down into the faces of the crowd, parents, teachers, honoured guests, and she wondered how many of them felt as lost as she did less than two months ago, how many of them were being stifled by life's tragedies, how many of them thought her valedictory address sucked.

"Sometimes refusing the expected has some very hopeless options, and in our human minds there's never a way out. There's never a way out of addiction, poverty, abuse, there's never a way out of the lion's den, huh Miss Bowdeen?" She looked at the voluptuous woman sitting in the front, smiling proudly. She'd remembered that lesson from her early years at this school, but she'd never seen it that way until she opened herself to the power of God's word.

"Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego must've felt really hopeless going into that furnace, but the difference between sky scrapers and stars is something called faith, it can't be seen or touched, but rather it exists beyond the expected. As poet Patrick Overton said, when you come to the edge of all the light you have and are about to drop off into the darkness of the unknown, faith is knowing that one of two things will happen. There will be something solid to stand on, or you'll be taught to fly. Class of 2012, we are on the threshold of the unknown today, when we step out those doors, life as we know it... will change, regardless of our plans. We've been each other's reality check for the past five years whether we like it or not, but now we're saying goodbye to each other and we have to face the question, what is life really? Some of us will keep in touch, some won't. But as we go, let us remember to stand up to the expectations and say, I may be poor, I may be weak, I may be fatherless, but by faith and God's grace I refuse to be mastered by it, I refuse the expected."

She looked down at Reuben and James sitting next to Mike and grinned, they were both smiling back at her proudly, her family had gotten bigger.

"No matter what anyone says, I know who I am. I am Angel Alexis Moore and on behalf of the graduating class of 2013, I say thank you to our parents, who have supported and believed in us, to our teachers, who we will miss and would probably always remember. To our principal, we hope that the pride you have in us now will continue to fuel the pride we have in ourselves in our future. God bless you."

The room erupted in applause, there were some glistening eyes, some surprised expressions, some indifferent frowns. But the most memorable sight of all to Alex was the sight of her mother standing in the midst of the crowd clapping her hands with all her might, tears streaming down her face. Some people might think she was crazy, that she was probably overreacting a bit, but she knew what they'd been through and what this all meant for the Moore family. If Alex forgot everything else she would never forget that sight.

As they exited the building the sun warmed them with joy, and everyone seemed to have become infected with the happiness that this accomplishment brought.

"Well congratulations graduate!"

Alex looked around for the familiar face, until her eyes fell on James wheeling toward her, a broad grin on his face.

Once he reached her, he stopped, leaned his wheel chair backward and did a spin.

Alex laughed, "You're getting good at that."

"Yeah well you know what they say about lemons and lime juice," and he winked at her, Alex couldn't resist planting a kiss on his cheek; her angel.

The rest of the family followed after him, Michael dressed in his dress shirt and jeans, Sherry in her turquoise suit and Nicole with her protruding stomach and dazzling smile.

They all crowded Alex with hugs and kisses, telling her just how proud they were of her. She was still caught up with the excitement of her family when she felt a gentle tap on her shoulder and she turned around to find Nicka looking at her with an awkward smile. She waved the camera she held in her hand and gave a small shrug.

"How about a picture?" she asked, "we wouldn't want to regret anything about today when we're friends again."

Alex smiled broadly; she couldn't imagine that Nicka knew just how much she needed to hear that.

"So you're not mad at me anymore?"

Nicka leaned her head to the side thoughtfully, "Nah" she said finally.

"I'm sorry by the way."

Nicka smiled, and turned to Michael, "hey Mike, do us a favour nuh."

Michael reached for the camera in her hand, "sure, anything to get me hands out of me pocket." He took the Camera and snapped the two friends – cheeks pressed against each other, big grins, arms holding each other like they were glued on, with no intention of ever letting go again.

"Hey look over there," Nicka pointed to where Sherry stood, "I didn't know Ryan came."

Alex followed her finger, "me neither."

He seemed to sense her eyes on him, for he turned to look directly at her, surprising her own self, she smiled and nodded. He grinned and turned back to his conversation with Sherry.

Nicka looked at her with a frown, "Gurl what happened to you? You're all... happy and... you're practically glowing."

Alex smiled, "I... it's a long story, but I will tell you, a lot has changed for me Nick and I can't wait for you to taste it."

"Okay then, I'll hold you to it. I'm gonna go mingle."

Alex took a deep breath, she felt so relaxed, it almost felt like the days with her father, a thousand times amplified. She lifted her head to the sky offering up a prayer of thanksgiving.

"I'm really proud of you, umbrella girl."

She turned around to face Reuben, he grinned, "You're all grown up."

"Reuben you of all people know I still have a lot of growing up to do."

"You're right... and it's not gonna be an easy road but you'll have a lot of support," he placed his hands on his chest then lifted his finger to the sky and smiled.

"Thanks..." she paused, looking thoughtful. He was so beautiful, she thought lowering her gaze.

Reuben's smile had faded, his hands itched to reach out and take hers. He balled them into a fist in his pocket and took a deep breath. Now or never Reuben.

"I don't know if this is the right place but... I need to clear the air about some things," he swallowed hard, feeling his heart thundering against his chest, was he really going to do this?

Alex nodded, "me too..."

"Oh...okay well you should go first," he folded his hands behind his back, to hide how sweaty they were, it was beginning to frighten him, that he hadn't thought this through.

She took off her cap and smoothed her hair, settling her captivating eyes on him. All he could think about was how beautiful she was and how much he wanted those eyes to always look at him like he was something special.

"Okay...um...I want to apologize for acting like a jerk. I mistook your friendship for something else and I almost lost the best friend I could ever have. I'd never met anyone like you and maybe I confused my admiration of you for something else, I'm not sure. I care about you a lot, like a lot, but this friendship is really important to me..."

"Alex..."

Reuben couldn't believe the effect her words were having on him; he'd tried so hard to convince himself that it was okay for him, but it wasn't. He had to force himself to remain upright, when all he wanted to do was double over. How could he tell her now that he loved her, that he'd never met anyone who made so much sense to him, who understood him, who cared about him, who respected him, who made him laugh? But looking into those blue-grey eyes, he saw that juvenile confusion and fear there, she didn't even understand it herself. She was right, she was young, in a lot of ways. What she needed now was his frienship and if he really loved her, he would be that friend.

He grimaced, his face flushed, "yes, you're right, that's good. I'll be here for you Al."

She smiled, "thank you," she reached up and hugged him.

He closed his eyes as he held her, swallowing his disappointment surprisingly well. But this time he would wait.

"What did you want to tell me?" she asked when they'd separated.

"Uh... congratulations and um... I wanted to clarify some things with the dates for um... bible study next week; we moved it to Monday so... oh and am really proud of you is all."

"Oh... okay. I know you are," she was looking at him so strangely, that he was worried everything was written on his face.

"Miss Moore, Valedictorian!"

She released his hand, turned and a broad grin burst from her face as she ran into the outstretched arms, of a neatly dressed, well-groomed young man, with perfect white teeth, Reuben noted. The boy embraced her and half twirled her, Reuben couldn't help scowling for a minute. She grinning from ear to ear.

"Julien, I'm glad you came."

He gazed into her eyes, "you know I wouldn't have missed it. You did promise to go to my graduation ball with me after all."

Reuben looked on with wide eyes, "God you've gotta help me through this, help me do what's best for her."

"Don't worry man," James had wheeled up next to him and placed a reassuring hand on his lower back, "As far as I see God's got to take the two of us through some really rough patches," he looked down at his legs and pursed his lips, "and it's been real worth it so far."

Reuben smiled, "that's right bro, and he'll take care of us like he always does."

The smell of barbecued pork and chicken rose from the Moore yard like a beacon, drawing most of the neighbours to the celebration.

Alex was leaning up against the door frame; her arms folded across her chest, smiling at the sight of her mother dancing from one end of the yard to the next, a glass of Mauby drink in one hand a foiled up barbecued chicken drumstick in the next. As far as Sherry was concerned her daughter's success wasn't complete without a barbecue.

Reuben was wheeling James across the road toward the festivities, they were both laughing, how Alex had grown to love those guys. She turned just in time to see Julien coming toward her, that easy smile of his lingering on his lips. She held her breath against the strange somersault her stomach did, and then looked about her guiltily, Alex Moore did not have butterflies.

"Nice party," he said, as he climbed the steps toward her.

Alex smiled and stepped down to meet him, "thanks, it's all my mom's though. It's not really my thing, never has been... but seeing that I didn't get to go to my ball, she wanted to throw a little something for me. Of course only a few of my old classmates are here, so most of the guests here are old enough to have made me."

Julien chuckled, "your mom loves you..." he paused as if to say something more but then frowned and turned to look at two men quarrelling over a portion of pork as if he was hunting for a distraction.

"I have something for you," he said suddenly, reaching into his pocket, "I stumbled upon this while helping Mom rearrange Mrs. Hartley's room, I thought it might interest you."

He handed her a folded envelope, bent at the corners from being in his pockets, "I hope this isn't another can of worms. Ryan has apparently forgiven me..." she looked across the yard where he was standing, deep in some kind of man-talk with the grill master.

"It's not about Ryan," Julien said grimly, "I wish I could stay, but I'm needed at home."

Alex nodded; stifling the disappointment that she hoped wasn't reflected on her face. Why did he have to leave so soon? She was just starting to warm up to the idea of him being here with her. The disappointment on her face melted into a blush though, as he leaned in for a hug and to her surprise, planted a light kiss on her cheek.

"I can't wait to see you all dressed up for my ball," Julien said as he pulled away, "I'll call you."

Alex nodded stiffly, "Okay."

Nicole came to stand beside her, both hands pressing on either side of her protruding stomach.

"Umm hmm, girl where'd you find that fine boy," she crooned.

Alex blushed visibly, "he's my friend."

Nicole chuckled, "yeah whatever you say," and she waddled toward the food.

Alex was still smiling when she looked down at the envelope in her hand; she smoothed out the edges and turned it over, Angel Alexis Moore jumped out at her, in Julien's neat print. She turned away from the commotion and opened the envelope, tearing the flaps from the body.

What it held confused her for a moment, until she looked at it closer. It was an old family photo of six, of which she recognized two, one was Mrs. Hartley, a smoother happier version and the other was a gentleman leaning over the old woman grinning broadly, his grey eyes piercing... It was hard to miss him, he was after all, her father.

She gasped, and folded it haphazardly together with the envelope and stuck it in her back pocket.

"Stay calm, stay calm," she chanted, feeling a warmth envelope her whole body. Whatever this meant she had a feeling she was better able to handle it now than she was before.

The party wound down into a quiet evening on the Moore's front step, everyone had drifted off to their own corner of the neighbourhood. Reuben, James and Ryan were among the last to leave, all three lining up to tell Alex good night, with hugs and kisses and in Ryan's case a firm handshake. Sherry got the warm hug with the long lingering kiss that made all her children gush.

And then the three of them settled on the front steps, deep in their own thoughts. It had been a prosperous eight months but there were still specks of uncertainty lingering in the atmosphere. Michael was leaning against the gate looking up at the starry sky; everyone could understand that he was still a bit scared – no one knew where Giant had disappeared to. Nicole was tired and that was understandable, she was way into her sixth month and things hadn't gotten any easier.

Sherry joined them after she'd ended her long good bye with Ryan; she was beaming when she climbed the step.

"How all yuh so quiet?" she said as she folded her long pepper seed skirt – they hadn't seen her wear that in a long time, and sat down in front of the door.

Michael sighed, "What do you think of when you look at the stars?" he asked dreamily.

Nicole shrugged, "space ships," she replied.

"Connect the dots," said Sherry, her gaze following his to the glistening blanket.

Michael nodded solemnly, "I think of Chris."

They all grew quiet, "I'm really goin' to miss him," Nicole sad sadly.

"Oh but he better off now than he ever was before," Sherry said with a smile, "I am proud of my boy."

She reached over and ruffled Mike's locks, "and I still have you." Mike blushed.

"Alright y'all I have something to tell you, and ah want all of all yuh to tell me honestly what you think I should do."

Nicole opened her eyes instantly, "seriously?" she muttered.

"Yes, we a family and it a bit late but we gonna start acting like one," she said her eyes going from one surprised face to the next.

She sighed, "I know all yuh have what all yuh have against Ryan... but he ask me to give him a second chance, like a real second chance. He's building his own house and moving on in spite of everything, but he wants to make a more... permanent commitment to me. So he asked me to think about being his wife."

Everyone was quiet.

Alex pursed her lips, "Do you love him?" she asked.

Sherry smiled, "yes Alex, probably more than I ever love your daddy."

"Does he love you?"

Sherry nodded, "so he says."

Alex frowned and turned away. Nicole reached over and touched her mother's hand where it rested on the back of the seat, "I'm no expert on this, but this is the first guy that has shown so much commitment to you, even with us in the picture. I think you should give it a try."

Michael nodded, "straight!" They all laughed.

Then Sherry frowned, "Alex yuh what you think? I know you didn't get along with Ryan but..."

Alex looked up at her, "it's not about Ryan," she said quickly. She turned away, staring across the road at the smoking drum near the wood stump, wondering if she should tell them about the photo. It seemed that Declan was closer than she'd thought, and why had he never mentioned his family here? Who was Mrs. Hartley to him? Nicole and Sherry were looking at her expectantly.

Alex turned to look at them, her eyes dark with thought; she knew this would be painful for her mother. Alex now understood that her mother had been hurt too by her father's decision and that just like her, it was going to be hard to face him again, and his secrets.

She sighed and shoved the envelope deeper into her pocket, maybe it wasn't the right time, her mother looked so happy, as Nicole said it; she had a real shot at happiness this time. Alex got up and took Sherry's hand, looking into her anxious eyes, eyes that showed desperation to do it right this time, even if it meant letting go of something she'd always longed for; a man who loved her enough to come back.

"We'll be fine," she said, even as she said it, her hand slightly trembled, "and as for you and Ryan, I'm happy for you guys. Marry the man."

There was something to be said about strength; it was her turn to be the strong one; for her mother, for her family and for herself. Sherry was smiling up at her, her eyes bright with tears as Alex leaned down to embrace her. Sherry held her and rocked her.

She reached out with one hand to Nicole and Mike, the tears streaming down her face now, "I love all my children,"

She sobbed as the three of them knelt before her, huddled together somewhat awkwardly in their mother's embrace, very aware of the part of them that was gone from this earth forever.

There was a lot Alex didn't know, she didn't know the results of the exams, she didn't know what it would mean for her, she didn't know if her brother and sister would submit to God and his purpose for them and she didn't know that that moment, where they all covered their mother, soaking her with their tears, was the answer to a mother's desperate prayer. Standing in an empty room with her daughter's clothes pressed against her bursting heart, realizing that she couldn't do it alone.

Without realizing, they had somehow become each other's angels. And who could forget those who cared without knowing, who saw without prompting, who loved with no expectations and those who remained unseen.

###

Note from the Author

To my readers, just the fact that you took the time to pick this book up and get to the this page is reason enough to thank you and urge you to continue to allow me to take you on journeys like this one, 'cause trust me, there will be others. A little about myself: I taught literature for two years, I'm currently an undergraduate Psychology Major and I am from the beautiful Island of Grenada; the main setting of most of my stories, mostly because I believe in being true to where the story finds you. Alex's story is very dear to me as I've been working at it since my secondary school days. The truth is, I just love to write and as much as my hope is to inspire, entertain and build the faith of others, I have been inspired, entertained and have grown immensely also because of these characters and their story. As a Christian writer and book worm I know the value of a good inspirational story as well as the deep sense of fulfilment that comes from accomplishing something you've always wanted to. I take this opportunity to not just thank my readers but those who have encouraged me, endured my chatter about fictional characters and most of all helped me grow in my faith. My family, friends, my Pastor, past teachers, blogsite followers and the youth at my church. I leave the last but most important lines to say how awesome God is. God is good guys, his love never fails, just ask Alex.

For more information on this novel or upcoming novels or if you'd like to learn more about the setting (Grenada) or the author, subscribe to my my blog.

Follow me on Twitter: <https://twitter.com/KellyAPurcell>

Connect with me on Goodreads

Favourite me at Smashwords

Remember to leave a review at your favourite retailer, let me know what you think.

Other books by Kelly A. Purcell

