

Table of Contents

Title Page

Quote

Chapter One

Chapter Two

Chapter Three

Chapter Four

Chapter Five

Chapter Six

Chapter Seven

Chapter Eight

Chapter Nine

Chapter Ten

Chapter Eleven

Chapter Twelve

Chapter Thirteen

Chapter Fourteen

Chapter Fifteen

Chapter Sixteen

Chapter Seventeen

Chapter Eighteen

Chapter Nineteen

Chapter Twenty

Chapter Twenty-One

Chapter Twenty-Two

Chapter Twenty-Three

Chapter Twenty-Four

Chapter Twenty-Five

Chapter Twenty-Six

Chapter Twenty-Seven

Chapter Twenty-Eight

Chapter Twenty-Nine

Chapter Thirty

Chapter Thirty-One

Chapter Thirty-Two

Chapter Thirty-Three

Chapter Thirty-Four

Chapter Thirty-Five

Chapter Thirty-Six

Chapter Thirty-Seven

Epilogue

Chase

Lyrical

Bree's Happy Endings

About the Author

Copyright Notice
Music is what feelings sound like.

~Author Unknown

#

"Hurry up! I think my nipples are melting off."

"Your nipples are fine." I turned my backside toward the full-length mirror and did another inspection. There was no doubt the dress was definitely shorter than anything I'd worn in a long time. Maybe ever. The thought of wearing it out in public made my stomach flip.

Perry's footsteps echoed down the hallway as she made her way closer to my bedroom. "Seriously, Jills, it's like a hundred degrees in here."

I lifted my hair off my shoulders, debating whether or not I should clip it up. It was a scorcher out there, the hottest day of the year. Maybe not in the triple digits, but close enough to lust after a shower every five minutes.

"I don't understand why you don't just get the damn air conditioner fixed once and for all. It's not like you can't afford it. Do you want that hot barista to sweat his balls off when you bring him back here after your date?"

"I don't have to worry about that because I'm not going to date him. You know very well he's too young for me."

"God, you are so--"

Her sentence cut short when she rounded the doorway. "Up or down?" I asked, bunching a handful on top of my head.

"Down." I dropped my hand. Yeah, that way did look better with the dress. It could sometimes be ten degrees cooler by the lake, and that's what I'd have to bet on. "Holy fuck, you pull off that dress better than me. How am I ever supposed to wear it again now? You've ruined it."

I glanced over at Perry, chuckling at her pouty expression. Exaggeration or not, it was sweet of her to say. "It's my project for tomorrow." I grabbed my purse off the bed and ruffled through it, making sure I had enough cash for the night. "There's a little piece that Mike would tweak whenever it went out. It always seemed easy enough, so I'm sure I can learn to do it myself. I don't need to hire anyone."

"What the hell are you talking about?" She snatched one of my magazines from the dresser and turned it into a makeshift fan.

I got down on my knees and started rifling through the closet, looking for shoes. "The air conditioner, remember? The thing you were just complaining about a minute ago?" I tossed aside my cute sandals, which would have complemented my outfit perfectly, in favor of a well-worn pair of flip-flops. I knew better than to torture my poor feet in the name of fashion. I was so done with that.

"Forget the sweat box--that's old news. What's trending now is you in that dress. You look fucking hot, Jills. I wish I had your legs. I'm so jealous."

Said the woman who looked flawless wearing nothing more than short shorts and a teeny camisole. In all the time I'd known her, I don't think I'd ever seen her anything less than perky.

Me, on the other hand....

I stood and smoothed down the flimsy material, adjusting myself. "Yeah, are you jealous of these too?" I flattened my hands over my breasts, turning sideways toward the mirror. I swore they'd fallen since the night before. Hmm... maybe Perry was onto something with this melting thing. Once I had the cold air blasting again, they'd pop back up, and I could freeze them into place. It was a nice fantasy.

"You're crazy. There's nothing wrong with your tits."

"My neighbor told me it happens overnight. You go to bed with them pointing north, and in the morning, you're tripping over them. Same thing with your ass. I'm waiting for that to go next. She said one day, out of the blue, she put on her jeans, and it looked like she had flat metal bars in the back pockets. Her butt was sagging down to her thighs."

"She probably shit in her pants. Isn't she like eighty?"

"She's forty-nine!"

"Huh. Well, she looks a lot older." Perry grabbed my arm. "Come on. I don't want to be late for the show. You look perfect. There's nothing more to do here."

My mile-long to-do list rolled through my head. "Do I have a second to--"

"No. Do not even think about it, Jills. All work and no play, and... you know the rest."

"I play." I slipped my feet into the shoes, thinking my polish could use a touch-up. Even with my sight focused downward, I could sense Perry's eyes rolling.

"Whatever. Your computer's off-limits. It can wait until tomorrow."

I slung my purse over my shoulder. "I just need to turn off all the fans before we go."

Perry headed toward the door adjoining my bedroom and home office. "Fine, but I'm checking this room."

I sighed. She knew me so well. If I went in there, I wouldn't be able to resist peeking at the screen. I exited through the opposite door and flip-flopped to the kitchen.

"Hey, what's with all the boxes? You moving and didn't tell me?"

I switched off a window fan, then flicked it back on. Maybe it was an electrical hazard, but I needed some kind of circulation in the house, or I'd stick to the floor when I came home.

I walked over and poked my head into the office, careful not to step over the threshold. Perry's face was buried in a box of board games. She pulled out Bunked from the top of the pile, then tossed it back down before moving on to the next.

"Not moving, just cleaning house. Doing a little decluttering. I've put it off too long, but now that Daniel's gone, there's no need to continue holding on to all this stuff."

Perry looked up and nodded. Then she came over and took my hand. "Come on, Jills. I'll drive. It's time to get you the hell out of this house."

#

The closer we got to the lakefront, the further my nerves unraveled. For the most part, I was pretty comfortable with myself, but who was I fooling? Having a decent figure from the waist down didn't mean I should traipse around in an outfit meant for someone in their first couple decades of life. I felt like an imposter.

"Will you chill out already?" Perry glanced over, watching me fidget to cover up parts of myself I didn't want flopping out. "You look amazing, so start acting like it."

As soon as she pulled onto Jackson, I decided she was right. Not about the amazing part, but the need to relax. I didn't have a spare set of clothes in my purse, so I might as well enjoy myself. Hell, there'd probably be great-grandmothers flaunting bikini tops, so I didn't know why I was getting so worked up about a pushing-forty-year-old in a skimpy sundress.

The attendant waved Perry into the parking lot, and she swung into a spot, pulling next to a pack of teenagers getting out of their Jeep. When she opened her door, a blast of sticky heat tumbled in, coating me and turning the fifteen minutes of icy air I had into a distant memory.

I flipped down my visor and dabbed away the sweat collecting on my brow before throwing open my door. So much for it being cooler down here. If anything, it was hotter, and there were still a good couple hours to go before the sun went down. I stepped out, but not before grabbing a wad of Starbucks napkins she had stashed in her console and swiping it over the back of my neck.

"You do know that's like toweling yourself off while still in the pool, right? It's a thousand percent humidity out here, so you just have to deal with it and not worry about dripping all over the place."

"Weren't you the one making a big deal about my broken air conditioner?" The mental image of hoards of fairgoers bumping their drenched bodies against each other suddenly made me question coming out for the night. It was actually quite comfortable in my little office with the fans blasting away. And I did have lots of work to finish....

"Yes, when we were stuck inside, but now that we're in the open air, it's a whole new game." Perry raised my arm high, no doubt flashing everyone behind us. "How can you not be psyched right now? We're at a huge fucking outdoor music fest. Bands, food, beer. Fun, fun, fun. All you have to do is venture a few steps forward, and it can all be yours today."

I laughed and lowered my arm. "You sound like an infomercial."

"Seriously, Jills. You're in your element here. How long's it been?"

"I don't even know. They still had rides here, though. I remember bringing Daniel during the day." God, that had to be over ten years ago. She raised her eyebrows. "Do not even say anything."

"I was only going to say I'm happy you're here." She smiled sweetly. "That's all."

I nodded. Perry had tried to bring me back for years, but I always had some reason to decline. I stared at the large white gates leading into the fairground and felt a little giddy. She was so right. I deserved this night. My life needed to consist of more than sitting behind a desk, and this was the perfect place to start.

"Okay," I said, smiling in response to her tugging me off the lot. "I'm going. You don't need to reveal my panties again."

I stepped around a man selling giant balloon animals and almost collided with another. "Tickets?" he asked, holding out a stack.

Perry pursed her lips and dug through her bag frantically. I held it open wider for her. "Do not tell me you forgot the tickets." She was supposed to be in charge of them. My legs started bouncing. Suddenly, I wanted nothing more than to be inside the park, sipping a cold one and swaying my hips.

"Ha! Got you." She closed her purse and grinned widely. "See, you really do want to be here."

I shook my head at the scalper, and we moved on down the sidewalk. It only took a few seconds before I busted out laughing, and Perry soon followed. "Yes, you've made your point. I'm ready to go have some fun. Honest."

"That's the spirit. Now, repeat after me: I look fucking gorgeous tonight."

"I look gorgeous tonight." Perry, my biggest cheerleader.

"Good, close enough. And I'm not going to fill my head with marketing pitches or asset reports or whatever other boring thing I do twenty-four seven."

"I am not going to think about work." A weak breeze wafted over us, and it felt wonderful. I was starting to get even more excited.

"And I'm going to get laid tonight."

"Perry!"

"Just thought I'd slip that one in there. A night out isn't all you're due for."

I opened my mouth to deny it but shut it just as quickly. Dammit. She was probably right about that too. If I weren't careful, my vagina would revert back to virgin status.

We came to the entrance and Perry pulled out the tickets, frowning at her phone. "What's up?"

She sighed loudly. "Stephen's stuck at work. A sev one issue or some shit like that. All I know is that he probably won't be meeting us tonight." I nodded, knowing that when my brother had major problems at the company, he couldn't leave until they were resolved. "Oh well, more fun for us."

Perry smiled, but it wasn't very convincing. She handed me my ticket for the attendant to scan, then did the same with hers. She received a grin from him in return; not a polite thank you one, but an I'd like to hook up with you later smile that garnered no attention from her. Foolish boy; couldn't he see he was wasting his charms on the wrong girl?

"Any special acts you came for this evening?" he asked.

I refrained from responding with, 'Just browsing.' I got the impression he was just feeling her out since the gate workers usually didn't make small talk. He was backing up the line, but Perry had that effect on men.

"Hallowed Realm," she replied quickly as we pushed our way through, nearly mowing down a bachelorette party. The bride-to-be wore a princess crown and little else.

"And you were freaking out about a tasteful little dress."

"She looks half my age, Perry. It's hardly the same." She shrugged, but then her face grew pained as she watched the drunken group twirl away through the crowd. Most of the time, her amount of patience blew me away, but certain things like that would come along and trigger her.

"You know," she said, "with Stephen not around to slobber all over me, I'll have more time to spend with the hot lead singer."

We headed over to the information desk to grab a program, the smell of chlorine from the cooling fountains making my eyes water.

"Your friend, Stu? I thought you said he's gay." And even if he weren't, it didn't matter how hot he was; I knew her well enough to know she'd never consider doing anything to hurt my brother.

"He is, but what the fuck, Jills? It'll be six years next week."

I felt for her; I really did. "Just give it a little more time, okay? There's no question how much he loves you. You two are perfect for each other."

Perry waved her hand. "Yeah, yeah. Whatever. Of course, I'll give it more time." She sighed. "I always do. But he'd better get his ass in gear soon."

I agreed, chomping down on my tongue to keep the words contained. What was taking him so long? He already had the ring. He didn't need to assemble the perfect proposal. Perry didn't care about that; she just needed him. I was keeping the secret because he'd asked me to, and I wanted it to be special for her, but it was killing me. I didn't know how much longer I could hold it in.

"So, how much time until they play?"

Perry double-checked the schedule. "Not for another hour, but I want to get there early so we can be right up front. They'll be down at the north end."

"Okay, how about we go down there and walk around a bit? We can grab a beer and check out some other music."

"Sounds good."

We aimed for the nearest stand and waited in line, my body buzzing with all the energy of the place. I couldn't believe I'd stayed away so long. Before all the responsibilities set in, I used to save up my vacation time so I could spend the full eleven days down here every summer.

Perry held up two fingers when it was our turn at the counter, pointing once to the wine tapper, then to the beer. The man gave her a good looking over before tapping his finger on the We Card sign. She turned to me with a huge grin and whipped out her ID. Braggart.

I downed half of mine in one gulp. I'd make sure to get some food in my stomach before too long, but it was hard not to be parched when I could literally fry up a breakfast sandwich on the pavement below me.

We weaved in and out of the people, making our way to the far end of the park. If I remembered correctly, a lot of new and upcoming bands played that stage. I was really looking forward to checking them out.

"Hallowed Realm, right?" I'd never heard of them, but Perry said they'd only been around for a few years and mainly performed local gigs.

"Yep, you'll love 'em." Perry tugged sharply on my arm, almost knocking my cup to the ground as she pulled me in a different direction. She pointed upward to the Sky Glider. "Sorry, I don't want to be spit on."

I laughed. "That's one of those things they always say happens, but I've never seen it."

"Well, I'm not taking the chance. The only secretions I want on me are Stephen's. If he's going down on me, he can cover me in as much spit as he wants."

"I'm going to act like I never heard that." Having a future sister-in-law as a best friend had many advantages. Hearing about my brother's sex life wasn't one of them. "Oh, my God. Is that a tattoo parlor?"

"Yeah, you interested? Someday I'd love to get another one."

I shook my head. When I was younger, I always wanted one but couldn't decide on the right design. Something sexy could turn downright scary when body parts started to shift. "Just look at that line."

"It's like that every year. They must make a killing here."

"I imagine." Set up shop in a place of lowered inhibitions? It's a recipe for success.

We spent some time browsing the outdoor shops before Perry wanted to go secure her spot. To my surprise, there were already quite a few people guarding their space on the bench. It was one of the smaller stages without a huge amount of seating. We plunked down on the first row next to a woman with so many piercings in her face she looked like a disgruntled porcupine. My head ached looking at her.

"Excuse us," I said. "My friend knows the band." The woman rolled her eyes and turned her back on us.

I fanned myself with the program, lifting the hair off my neck. I'd resigned to the fact that I probably looked like a drowned rat by this point, but so did everyone else. It wouldn't be dark for a good forty-five minutes, and the space was filling up quickly. Comfort was no longer a priority; I just wanted to get lost in some music. Except....

"Do your best to save my spot, okay? I need to run to the bathroom."

"Are you sure? Already?"

"Yes, I'm pretty sure I know if I have to pee or not," I said. That first beer had traveled through me quickly. I thought it would have taken longer to break the seal since so much liquid was leaking out of my skin. Obviously, that wasn't the case.

"Okay, but hurry up."

I went in search of the nearest bathrooms, only to find the line out the door. I squeezed my abdomen tightly and headed farther out. It was even more packed, so I returned to the first. I took my place in the line and shifted from side to side, eyeing the men's room with envy. No wait, like usual.

I was seriously considering sneaking in--I was in that much pain--but the line picked up, and I finally made it inside. Sweet relief.

I debated whether or not I should look up into the plexiglass mirror as I washed my hands, but what good was torturing yourself when nothing could be done about it? A loud beat reverberated inside me. Oh, shit....

I dashed out and navigated my way back to the stage. There was a mass of people congregated by the entrance, and I sidled through, no doubt pissing off a few. I had to get back to my seat, although it looked to be standing room only.

Inching through the rows, I found Perry stretched out on the bench, trying to save my seat. When she saw me, she scooted over. "Ugh, sorry. I forgot how long those bathroom lines could be."

She didn't reply, and I wondered if she'd even heard me. Between the stage mere feet in front of us and all the people screaming, I could barely hear myself. Wow, for a new band, they must be pretty well-known to attract this much attention.

Before long, we were standing anyway, so the benches were just taking up space. Their sound sucked me in. It was definitely alt rock but blurred. I liked that it couldn't be pinpointed. Music had always flowed in my blood, and I appreciated what I was hearing. It caught me. Strong and deep.

I let the pulse fill me, and I swayed with Perry as she sang out songs I didn't know the words to. In between numbers, I yelled out, "They're really good."

She gave me a huge smile. "I know."

My eyes ran down the lead vocalist. His sound was amazing, and he was insanely good-looking to boot. Seriously? Gay? His painted-on leather pants were very pleasing to the eye. If he did not stuff himself, I felt very sorry for my fellow woman.

"Is he another friend of yours?" I pointed to the guitarist, and she shook her head. "Well, he keeps looking over here at you."

"We are in the audience. Where else is he supposed to look? And how do you know he's not checking you out?"

"Good one."

I'd pretty much accepted that my days of getting out of speeding tickets were over. At ten years younger, Perry hadn't reached that stage yet. She could still fall out of bed first thing in the morning and have men crashing through the window to catch her.

She started to reply but was drowned out by his acoustic rift. I focused on the vibrations, letting them course through me. I closed my eyes, and that's when the dizziness took me by surprise. It barreled in out of nowhere, feeling like a tiny tornado inside my head. I was suddenly very claustrophobic.

"Water," I shouted. Perry gave me a funny look, and I gestured to say I was stepping out to get some water. For all I knew, she probably thought I had to visit the bathroom again.

The spinning sensation intensified as my body squashed into others, and I hoped that if I did pass out, someone would be gracious enough to stop me from splattering all over the cement.

I made it out in one piece and counted my blessings when I spotted a drink counter with no line. That type of thing was unheard of here. I purchased and downed a bottle of water, instantly feeling more stable. I should have known better than to let myself get dehydrated. Obviously, I couldn't mix alcohol and sweating anymore. God, things really did sneak up overnight.

I visited the pretzel stand next and picked up a big, gooey one with gobs of salt. I hoped Perry wouldn't be too upset because I'd decided to sit out the rest of the show. It was almost over anyway, and I wanted to continue feeling better. I was close enough to hear it well, so I munched on my dough and people-watched while savoring the breeze rolling in from the lake.

I tossed the wrapper in the garbage, worlds better than I was a short time ago, and checked out the dresses hanging around the perimeter of one of the shops. In the meantime, I could keep an eye on the entrance; the last thing I wanted was Perry to have to search for me.

When the music ended, I kept a closer watch, darting my eyes between the exiting crowd and a lavender dress I'd fallen in love with at first sight. Almost double the material of what I wore now, but still light and perfect for a summer day. I took it off the hook and brought it over to the mirror, holding it in front of me. To my surprise, I didn't appear as disheveled as I imagined. I expected limp, frizzy hair--a contradiction I experienced way too often--and black-smeared eyes, but instead, I looked decent. Some people cursed humidity, but that same moisture that swelled up your fingers could also plump up your face.

"You should totally get that."

I spun around to see Perry standing there, and I felt like an awful friend. I'd taken my focus away and hadn't been watching for her. I set the dress back. "I'm thinking about it." I gave her a hug. "I'm so sorry I missed the end. I thought I was going to faint for a minute there. I had to get some water and then I planned to wait for you out here, but you came out, and I wasn't paying attention and--"

She held up her hand and laughed. "Stop. It's fine. You were right here, impossible to miss. So... you're feeling all better now?"

"Just like new."

"Because..." She jumped and squealed, holding up a couple badges. "Stu gave us passes to the private party on the martini terrace. Free food and drinks. Even if we just go for a short time, it'll be so worth it. I'd also love the chance to catch up with him. We haven't talked in forever."

I took one of the badges and looked it over. It was pretty cool. I'd never had rooftop access before.

"Isn't it awesome? After the show, he waved me over and gave me these. You should have seen some of the daggers shot my way."

"I can believe it." A talented, gorgeous man who also happens to be in a band? There'd be no shortage of women willing to take her place. Or men. According to Perry, he didn't flaunt his preference, but he didn't hide it either. I twirled the string around my finger. The party did sound fun, and Perry was clearly stoked.

"Are you up for it?"

"Yes," I said, and she clapped. "But Stephen's going to be wildly jealous, you know. You being around all those drummers and guitar players, all hoping you're an easy groupie."

"Pfft. I can handle him. Besides, the only guy I'm interested in tonight wants nothing to do with pussy."

Perry unhooked the dress I was admiring and held it against me. "I really do think you should get this. It goes fantastic with your blonde hair." She dropped it in my hands.

I clipped the dress back. "I'm still thinking about it." I adored it, but how often would I really wear it?

"Let's get going then," Perry said. "I'm starving." I felt almost guilty for the wad of bread digesting happily in my stomach. "Walk by the rocks?"

I nodded, and we walked along the shoreline, a variety of tunes coming at us from all directions. It was a steamy summer night, but very tolerable. I was so glad she'd dragged me out. At least until I got home and--

No. I promised Perry I wouldn't think about work tonight. I wanted to center on the lights shining over the water, the rush surrounding us from all sides.

We wandered to the end of the park, then swung back around to get to the terrace. "Ready to have some fun?" she asked, rubbing her hands together.

"Definitely."

Whatever the night had in store, I was ready for it.

#

With the badges dangling around our necks, we went up the back stairs of the building and were nodded in by a tall, lanky guy playing on his phone.

"I don't think he even paid attention to us," I whispered. "We could have been anyone."

"I know, but I still feel like we're part of some exclusive club. And I'm sure we'll need to show proof to eat or drink anything."

We crossed through the doorway and stepped onto the roof. The back bar area that also contained the food spread was sheltered, but the rest was uncovered. We had to be pretty early, as there were plenty of tables and chairs open.

I went over to the railing and took in the view below me. I could see at least five other stages from where I stood, and the sheer number of people filling every available space was mind-blowing. Vitality was king here.

Perry edged up next to me. "Pretty cool, huh?"

I nodded. It may not be a private party at Madison Square, but it was something I'd never experienced before in one of my all-time favorite places. I made a vow right then to resume my tradition of coming back every year.

"There's my gorgeous girl."

We wheeled around to see Stu coming toward us. The closer he got, the more fascinated I became. His skin was flawless, and I knew he was older than Perry. He hugged her, and when he turned towards me, I couldn't tear my eyes away. Not because I wanted to get into those tight pants, but because I wanted to know his secret. Maybe he could recommend a face cream.

"Stu, this is Jillian, Stephen's sister, and my out-and-out best friend."

"Pleasure to meet you. Did you enjoy the show?"

Damn, he was a china doll. "Very much. You've got something special going."

"And she knows her stuff," Perry said, winking. "Jills also sings. She's amazing."

"Oh?"

"Not for a long time." I flipped up my badge. "Thanks for the invite."

"You're welcome." He tugged Perry against him. "Where's your scrumptious boyfriend hiding?" I couldn't help noticing how his hair gleamed under the lights. I should ask about his conditioner too.

Perry stuck out her bottom lip. "At work. What about yours?"

"We broke up."

"Kenny?" He nodded. "Oh, no, what happened? You guys were together forever."

He shrugged. "Life." Perry grabbed his hand, and he smiled. "You two want anything?"

"Yes," she said, rubbing her stomach.

"I'll just take some water."

Perry cocked her head at me. "Seriously? Ah, did I mention it's free? Pick something top shelf."

"I had a pretzel while I was waiting for you." And I was not in the mood to go another alcohol-induced round in the wind tunnel.

The three of us drifted to the bar as he pointed out a few guys along the way. A dozen more people had filled in the area while we were chatting. "That's Will, bass guitar and keyboards. Cleo, fucking magician with a drumstick. Looks like Chase isn't here yet. He's our backup acoustic." We earned some waves as we sidled up to the food table. "Not everyone here's associated with us." He laughed. "We're not that popular yet. We share this space with some of the other acts."

While Perry heaped her plate, I looked around to see if I recognized anyone. Other bands were here? I felt so out of the loop with the locals. The bartender handed me a bottle of water, and for a split second, I mulled over substituting it with a beer. If I had enough hydration in me, I was probably good to go, but something told me to stick with my original choice.

"Oooh, lookie," Perry said, shoving a martini glass in my face filled with brown liquid. "Chocolate cupcake." She took a sip. "Mmm... I couldn't resist, but I'll only have the one. Promise." She handed it to me. "Try some?"

I took a small taste and shuddered. It had the flavor of a chocolate cupcake all right, if it were also blended up with a chocolate soda and a pound of additional sugar. "Go nuts." I gave her back the drink. "I'll be the designated driver."

"You sure?"

I nodded. "I'm done for the night. As long as I don't need to carry you to the car, it's all good. Have whatever you want." Perry loved frou-frou drinks--the sweeter, the better.

"Promise." She crossed her heart. "I wonder if they can make me an apple pie."

"You do know you're drinking eighty proof, not selecting things from the dessert cart, right?"

She gulped from her glass. "Who says it can't be both? Hey, let's grab a table before they're all taken." Perry yanked on Stu's arm, who had just finished flirting with some Goth boy.

"You two go ahead. I'll join you in a bit." The sound of aggressive female vocals caught my attention. "I want to check this out for a while."

I went to the edge of the roof and leaned over the rail; I had the perfect view of the stage from there. Plus, I could enjoy the show and still have room to move, unlike the people below either squashed on the benches or pressed together dancing on the tables. At one time, that was part of the appeal, but not so much anymore. I still appreciated a great band, but I also liked breathing.

I glanced behind me to see Perry and Stu laughing hysterically. It was good to give them time to catch up. I returned my focus forward and zeroed into my zone, letting the rhythm wash over me. Driven rock with enough angst to pull me in and hold me. I swayed my hips and took it in.

"She's good."

The voice startled me, jerking my head sideways. A fresh-faced man who looked vaguely familiar had parked himself beside me and placed his hands on the rail. I nodded in agreement. "She reminds me of Alanis Morissette." The memories of that show flooded back to me, and I started spinning numbers in my head. I was seventeen. Really? God, it felt like a lifetime ago.

"Lyrics or music?"

"Both."

"I was just debating this very thing with someone the other day. So, what connects you the deepest, stirs up your emotions more?"

"Excuse me?" I stared at the guy, not sure what he was all waxing poetic about. Maybe he didn't have a clue either. "Are you high?"

I peered into his eyes, green scattered with gold. They were unusually pretty, or it could have been due to the lights flickering. Either way, he didn't look like he was on anything.

He laughed. "No, not even drinking tonight."

Nice smile. I gave him another good look, and it clicked. "Wait, aren't you--"

He held out his hand. "Chase." It seemed polite to acknowledge his gesture, so I shook his hand. His grip was secure, triggering a little jolt that took me by surprise. Well, of course; it was human nature. He was young and attractive. And virile. And young. I pulled my hand away.

"Jillian," I said, snapping my eyes over to Perry. She waved then pushed her chair out and headed over, small blue drink in hand.

"What is that?" I pointed at her glass.

"A blueberry muffin."

I just shook my head. "Perry, this is--"

"Chase, I know. The lifesaver."

I scrunched up my face. What? Maybe I was the one stoned and didn't even know it. I sniffed around. There was no indication I was receiving a contact buzz.

"Stu introduced us already." Then she attempted to mouth, "He's hot," but it came out with enough sound to make my cheeks burn. Perry waggled her eyebrows as she put the rim to her lips. I narrowed my eyes at her, hoping she'd lay off, but she just ignored me and swiveled toward Chase.

"And you're positive I don't look familiar to you? Perry Sommers doesn't ring any bells?"

"I'm sorry, no."

"Because I'm sure I've seen you before, and it's driving me batshit."

Maybe it was time to cut her off. She wasn't slurring and slobbering yet, but her mind seemed a bit wonky. "Maybe because he's the guitarist in the band you just saw an hour ago, Perry."

"I know that, silly. I was talking about a different time." She put her arm around my neck. "Isn't she cute? I just love this girl." Her drink collided with my mouth. "Try some. I'm getting child sizes now so I can try more flavors. And it's all freeeee."

"I'm pretty sure they don't make child sizes of liquor." I pushed the cup down. "No, thanks. My teeth still hurt from the last sip."

"Would you like something else instead?" Chase asked.

I was about to say, 'No, thank you, but if I change my mind, I can easily go up and get it myself' when Perry said, "She's a beer girl."

"Well, you're in the right city then." Chase faced me straight on, making me wonder all over again if those gold specks were real or light-induced. Damn him. I didn't want to be caught looking.

"She also likes tequila and whiskey, and well, you know, she likes the hard stuff."

God, Perry. Shut up.

"I'm good, thanks. I don't need anything right now." I glared at Perry. "Isn't Stu over there waiting for you?"

"Yep, I'd better go. Speaking of, do you happen to know his real name?"

"Stuart?" Chase said.

"Nope. Can you believe that after all the time I've known him, he never told me? I just know it's not Stuart. What the fuck else could it be? It must be really bad to be such a secret. Stutholomew? Stuffleupagus?"

And with that, she teetered back to the table. I righted forward, both hands on the rails, catching the tail end of the show. "Lifesaver?"

"I filled in at the last minute. Their lead player's wife went into early labor."

"Well, you were incredible." Shit. No, that came out wrong. I sounded too bubbly. "The entire band was great." I toned it down a bit. "I really enjoyed the show."

"Glad to hear that. I'd wondered since you left early."

Hmm... I suppose it would have been hard to miss, given the intimate arena. I shook my head. "It had nothing to do with the music. I can see Hallowed Realm making it, and I'm not just saying that. A unique sound that also appeals to the masses? That rare combination will take you places."

He tilted his head and smiled, making me question if I'd overdone it again. I was not some crazed fan hoping to have my strings plucked by a skilled, cute guitarist. There were plenty of perky women trolling these grounds who'd fill that role in a heartbeat. Come to think of it, why is he standing here conversing with me when there is no shortage of beautiful girls around who share his age bracket?

Unless he's gay too.... He's certainly hot enough for it. Wait, did I just think of him as hot? Perry must have possessed my mind for a second.

"They deserve it," he said. "You'll never meet a more decent group of guys. That's why I didn't hesitate to help out."

I raised my eyebrow. "That's why?"

He laughed hard, and I couldn't help but join in. "Well, the huge thrill didn't hurt either. Where else can a relatively unknown get such a massive audience? It's fucking amazing."

That it was. I scanned the ground below me, marveling at the massive amounts of ears and eyeballs who shared a love of music. How many bands over the years had started here as a blip, but had blown up to a zeppelin? It was a place for dreams to come true.

"You know," I said, finding him fun to talk to, "I never bought into the whole 'modern music sucks' theory. No originality, same few chords repeated over and over to keep people from thinking too hard, blah, blah, blah. There's always been bad music; it's just not remembered as well as the good."

The way his lips curved made me zero in on his mouth for a second too long before darting my eyes away. All his attention appeared to be straight on me. Maybe I was coming across as a babbling idiot, but I had the excuse of not getting out much.

"You don't believe creativity's dead?"

"Never. You just have to know where to look for it. You have to be willing to go outside the mainstream sometimes." I laughed. "But I suppose I'm preaching to the choir here."

"How about we continue this somewhere less crowded?"

"We are somewhere less crowded."

He pointed to the Sky Glider. "We could take a ride."

I barely had a moment to process his suggestion when Perry popped up, scaring the shit out of me. I leaped back. "Geez, Perry." She had a huge grin on her face, neon pink emanating from her hand. "Let me guess--strawberry shortcake."

"Nope, raspberry marshmallow. Hey, you should totally go for that ride." She winked at me. I love her, but seriously? I wanted her to disappear right now. If she thought she was being subtle, she was failing miserably. "You know you want to. You brought it up when we got here."

"No, Perry. That was you."

"Same thing."

"No, it's not." I turned to Chase, who looked amused. Things were taking a bizarre twist. "I don't even know you."

"Jillian, I'm not suggesting you follow me into a dark alley. There're cops swarming all over this place. What do you think I'm going to do to you?"

Well, for starters, if he was a psycho, he could push me off the thing and plummet me forty feet to my death just for the fun of it. But then I suppose nothing was stopping him from throwing me off the roof. Maybe I was the deranged one for even thinking it was a possibility.

"He's right, you know," Perry said. I smiled sweetly, and she knew how to interpret it. "I'll just be going now. I'll be here when you get back, hanging with Stuffleupagus."

Chase was staring at me, and I couldn't help thinking how my night was worlds different compared to the day before. "Okay." I shrugged. "Why not?"

I followed him out, avoiding Perry's gaze. She didn't need to make a big deal about a silly ride, and neither did I.

As soon as we were down the stairs and out the building, he grabbed my hand and steered me through the crowd. It was so unexpected. My blood surged, pumping hard into places it hadn't bothered to reach in a while.

Please be gay.

We didn't speak as we weaved through all the fairgoers holding cups and plates of food above their heads. It wouldn't have been possible to hear, anyway. Not without getting right up into each other's faces, and that was not an avenue I wanted to explore. Not while my brain was on overload trying to deal with the way my skin reacted against his. Just because he was wildly attractive didn't mean it was appropriate for my body to respond to him. Unless he liked men. Then it'd be okay.

The fast-moving line for the glider was short, and as soon as we stepped into it, I detached my hand from his. I deliberated: Should I or should I not lay into him for taking my hand without permission? It seemed petty to do so; it really was a practical gesture considering the amount of people. I just didn't appreciate the way he made me feel when he did it. But if he was into cock, I'd definitely overlook it.

"Jillian?"

"Huh? Oh, sorry." The woman on duty was trying to keep things moving along quickly, and I wasn't helping by having my personal dilemma. Just a short ride, Jillian. You can handle that.

She ushered us to stand in front of the cart as it swung up behind us. We fell back into the seat, and the bar closed down onto our laps. We began to move upward and, as an afterthought, I removed my flip-flops. I didn't need them landing on some poor person below.

I crossed my legs at the ankles, my cheeks blazing when I glanced over and saw his eyes on my thighs. I'd stopped paying attention to my material-challenged dress... until I caught him staring. Unapologetically. Holy fuck, he didn't even try to hide it; he just dragged his gaze up until it held mine.

The answer to the gay/not gay question just torpedoed me. It felt like my entire head had been blasted off.

I sucked in a breath and looked away, spotting the restaurant famous for its fried eggplant. It was my favorite; I definitely had to get me some of that before I left. Nope, couldn't walk out before scarfing down a full order.

"What bands have you seen here before?" he asked.

"Way too many to list."

"How about the last one then?"

I paused. Why did I suddenly have such a difficult time speaking? It'd been no problem before. What was the last band I saw? I could concentrate on that and stop being so ridiculous. I wasn't about to let this boy trip me up.

I scanned my brain. It'd been so long. Smashing Pumpkins? No, that was before Daniel. The last time I was there, I'd brought him with me during the day and managed to come back later that night. "Violent Femmes," I said, remembering.

"The magic prize is in your thighs."

"Excuse me?" I glared at him. His eyes looked electric green up here.

"The Femmes. I was at that show too. We probably passed by each other without even knowing it."

Seriously? I opened my mouth to make some crack about him passing by in a stroller but shut it when I recalled they played there all the time. He didn't know which show I was referring to, and he really could have been there. Still....

"Why did you ask me to come on this with you, to leave the party?"

It made little sense to me. Did he think I was easy pickings? A hard-up, desperate woman begging for a little attention? But there was no possibility of him not finding someone else's company. He had to realize that. The way he handled himself on stage, the panty-wetting looks, the... everything else. He'd have no difficulties.

"I think you're interesting."

God, what is with those fucking eyes? The way they got to me just pissed me off. I could feel them burning into my skin, orbs of flames licking their way through me. I shook my head sharply. Let the little fucker think you have a psychotic seizure disorder. Maybe he'll stop looking then.

"Among other things."

Now, what was that supposed to mean? Interesting, I could understand to a certain extent, but what exactly were 'other things'? Perry was right; I really did need to get out more.

Obviously, I hadn't repelled him enough to stop leering. Maybe not leering--that word had connotations of a dirty, old man. He was definitely not old, and I didn't feel dirty. Well, not dirty in a slimy way, more like dirty in a fucking turned-on way.

What the hell is happening here?

My pulse had gone and hitched a ride with a runaway tank. I squeezed my legs together more tightly, trying to convince myself that I needed to keep my shoes from slipping. Until I remembered my fist was clutching them for dear life.

Up, up, up... I focused on the festival below me, taking a great fascination in the roofs we passed over littered with dropped items, and the tree leaves I could almost touch. The ride was already a quarter over. It was a beautiful view. I wouldn't let some laddie affect me. I could do this.

I hummed "Wild Horses" as I looked around, not knowing what to say. Its melody calmed me, and I needed that to cut through the awkwardness. The conversation had been so free-flowing before; it was one thing to speak music with him, quite another to be the only two in a small airborne container. His closeness sparked my nerve endings to the point it was painful.

"Are you seeing anyone?"

I yanked my head to the side and faced him. Did I honestly think it was awkward before? Time to get real. I took the opportunity to study him while keeping my hormones in check. Maybe I was just lying to myself, but he suddenly appeared a bit older. If I tilted my head just so, and we weren't directly under any lights, I could pass him for Perry's age. Maybe.

Hmm.... Could I then push him up to thirty? Or put a bag over his head? Then he could be any age I wanted him to be.

Argh. What the hell is wrong with me? "No, I'm..." I was about to say divorced, but that was hardly his business. "Look, Chase, I don't want to give you the wrong idea here. I think you're interesting too,"--among other things--"but I don't date younger men."

"I didn't say anything about dating."

His eyes roamed back down to my heated, bare skin, revealed thanks to my dress riding up my thighs, and that's when the frickin' ride stopped. We were dangling up at the highest point, stuck together, and I thought I'd combust. Why was I the one sweating wearing next to nothing when he was in jeans, looking so cool?

Damn him. Damn this flying jail. It wasn't uncommon to be trapped for a short time while someone had trouble getting on or off, but the timing sucked. At that point, I almost wished he'd lured me up there to fulfill his jollies by pushing me off. It would have been less demented than what I was feeling.

This boy was feeding off me with every blatant eyeful, causing my heart to jackhammer against my ribs until it damn near split open. Encouraging the heat to kick up a hundred more notches until I begged my body to hurry up and incinerate already. Not that it would have worked since I was so fucking wet.

This boy was turning me on big time, and it was so, so wrong.

The cables began to rotate, and we moved forward with a jerk. I turned my head to the left and attempted to identify the places that had set up shop since the last time I was there. Hmm... Martia's Pizza, that was new. And what about--

His touch stopped me cold, and I froze. Didn't take more than a fraction of a second before I melted again, dripping all over. God, what the hell? His fingertips pressed lightly just above my knee, and my body slammed into overdrive. I sucked in my bottom lip, not daring to look into those green and gold-specked irises, or whatever damn color they were now.

We were lowering; the closer the ground came into view, the more I started to panic. Once we were forced to get off... then what? I inhaled deeply, knowing I was being absurd. I would simply slip on my shoes and then walk away. Go back and meet up with Perry. Get my fried eggplant and go home, and pretend that I'd never dissolved into a puddle over something so juvenile.

The cart came to a rolling stop, and as soon as the safety bar lifted, he removed his fiery hand and we hopped out. I was both childish enough to turn away from him without a word and mature enough to handle everything that rushed through me. Intense stares. Heart-thumping touches. Big deal. I wasn't an inexperienced teenager having her first crush.

I yelped when I felt my waist grasped and pulled back into something hard. There was too much stimuli for my brain to process. Noise and lights and smells from several different food vendors bombarded me all at once. I didn't fight the touch nearly as much as I should have. My head was twirling as Chase spun me around and plastered me against a tall gate, his mouth crushing against mine.

The taste of his lips caused me to moan against him, which in turn caused him to press more strongly against me. The swarms of people around us disappeared; it was impossible to sense anything but him. When was the last time I felt something so hard? Jesus, he was a steel slab, but his mouth was soft, and his tongue was sweet and....

Fuck, this is not good.

Chase pulled back enough to let me catch my breath. His kiss had left me dizzy and shaken. My hands clenched around the wooden slats behind me to keep from collapsing. One little kiss had done that to me. God, I was so screwed.

He wound his fingers through my hair, grazing my neck, and I shuddered. I didn't know what to think; my brain had officially taken leave and left my body in charge.

His mouth hovered over the skin of my neck, barely making contact and driving me insane. "I'd really like to fuck you, Jillian."

I inhaled sharply, my head whirling. "Are you always this forward?" I whispered.

"When it's something I want, and I want you fucking bad."

I just about lost it. God, help me. I was practical and logical, and all those parts urged me to slap him and run away. But those parts were far, far away and diminishing rapidly. My cravings were too fierce to be rational.

One slow nod from me had him grabbing my hand and pulling me through all those warm bodies that'd suddenly reappeared. I let him lead, not knowing where we were going. Not caring. I was too far gone for that.

It was all a blur, and before I knew it, we'd returned to the martini terrace, going through the back way and into another area I didn't recognize. He thrust the both of us into a small storage room, and with the door barely shut behind us, his hands and mouth found me again.

Lips down my neck, strong caresses up my thighs. The straps of my sundress dropped from my shoulders, and my bra was thrown off my body. It was happening so quickly. God, yes...! His teeth tugged on my nipple, and a low whimper escaped.

"You are so fucking hot."

Kisses up and down my inner thighs, my panties dragged to the side, then tossed away to party with the bra. Yes, yes, yes, I needed this desperately. I pleaded with him not to stop when his tongue slipped through my cleft, and the pounding increased to a deafeningly bang. The rush careening inside had me reeling. So delicious. So fucking good.

So wrong.

That was my last thought right before my body exploded. The tremors knocked through me as my ears registered the crinkle of a condom wrapper. How could I have been so stupid not to think of that myself? It didn't matter that it wasn't the right time to get pregnant. I should still know better; I should--

I cried out when he pinned me against the wall, absolving me from my mind again as he drove deeply. The sheer strength of his cock took me powerfully, once again throwing me into another place entirely. I hadn't experienced this type of manic passion since... ever.

"Oh, God...." He angled inside me, rubbing against my clit. "So hard." I didn't care what I sounded like; his thick steel completely devoured me.

I met his thrusts as my body slithered up and down. Hardness all around me--the wall, his muscles, and fuck, his cock. I started to build again--slow, rolling waves, picking up force--and I began to quiver.

"Like that?" he asked, his voice husky and turning me up high. Everything about him intensified my arousal. His breath on my neck. His chest crushing into mine. The way his arms boxed me in and trapped me.

I nodded, and he brought his mouth to mine, grinding me deeply with that glorious muscle as he kissed me softly. God, it's magical. How have I gone so long without this? I was meant to have this pleasure, meant to scream out as the hardest cock I've ever felt mercilessly took me over and over and over....

The second orgasm shattered me, his mouth absorbing my moans while the spasms made me shake. I heard his distant groan as well, too far away to fully focus. The effect was more intense than the first, and my legs trembled as I slowly started to slide. A bead of sweat rolled down the side of my face, and I closed my eyes, basking in the delicious warmth.

Chase held on to me, grasping me tightly as I regained my senses. My lids fluttered open to see soft green staring back at me. If I looked long enough, I knew I'd find gold swimming inside, warming them further.

I darted my eyes away. I didn't want to look, didn't want to see his beautiful face or the flawless body that had just given me an indescribable amount of pleasure. I didn't want any of it. I didn't care that I was still buzzing. I didn't care that it was amazing and incredible and mind-blowing.

But I did care that I'd just had the best sex of my life under the worst circumstances.

Fuck.

#

I was only halfway through the door when she pounced.

"Ohmigod, what took you so long? Tell me everything right now!" she blurted out, not bothering to take a breath.

I shook my head to clear it. Perry sounded awfully jacked-up for someone who should've been lying down with a dark cloth over her eyes. Those cute, fluffy drinks caused some wicked hangovers.

"How are you feeling?" I asked her, stepping the rest of the way inside. I glanced around, not seeing anyone else. Mom and Frank must be in the kitchen.

"Don't even think about changing the subject." She grabbed my arm and pulled me into the spare room, my foot tripping over the rug. "And I'm fine, by the way. I kept my promise. Now it's time to keep yours."

"Barely," I said. I didn't have to carry her last night, but I did have to hold her up as we stumbled back to the car. Unfortunately, she knew exactly what I'd been up to when I came back to the party. She outed me immediately; I must have been glowing or something. But fortunately, she was drunk enough to accept my not wanting to talk about it then.

Perry sank her nails into my shoulders and plopped me down on the couch, sitting beside me. "Don't you know I'm dying here? Start talking."

I sighed. "There's not much to say, Perry. I did something I shouldn't have. It was a one-time thing, and that's it."

She tapped her fingers over her lips. "Uh-huh."

"You were right. I was overdue, and I guess that made me a little crazy. I was impulsive and rash, and it won't happen again."

"With him, or with anyone?"

I pulled a rubber band out of my purse and tied my hair back. "I'm not running off to join the convent, Perry. I just have to be more careful about the appropriateness of the guys I sleep with."

"Was the sex good?"

I leaned my head on the cushion and let out a long exhale, shivering as if he were touching me all over again. The tingles ran over my skin, and I brushed them off like imaginary bugs. I didn't want to think about it, much less feel it.

"I'll take that as a yes."

"So what if it was fantastic? It was wrong, and after I realized that, I got my control back. There's no need to make it into a big deal." I had to keep chanting that to myself: No big deal. No big deal. Because last night, I was freaking out, and it was a very big deal.

And to top it all off, I never did get my fried eggplant.

"I never asked if it was fantastic; I asked if it was good."

"Whatever, Perry."

"Uh-huh."

"Will you stop saying that?"

Perry planted her face within inches of mine. "You're telling me that you're not going to see him again, not even for sex?"

"Of course I'm not. In case you didn't notice, he's not exactly in my age bracket. It wouldn't be responsible to see him again, for any reason."

"Screw responsibility. Have a little fun, get wild for a change. Holy shit, in case you didn't notice, he's fucking gorgeous."

I raked my hands down my face. Argh. "For one, even if he were suitable for me, we'd have no way to contact each other. Two, I'm sure after the heat of the moment was over, he realized his mistake too. He probably had no idea what he was getting into before the push-up bra came off. Hopefully, I didn't scar him for life."

Okay, that last part was a bit of an exaggeration. Maybe. Who knew what was going through his impressionable young mind when he saw my perky-challenged boobs? It's like buying a cantaloupe from the store and then coming home and pulling a wilted squash out of the bag. That stuff can really mess with your reality.

"God, are you actually listening to yourself?" She smacked me on the forehead, and I narrowed my eyes at her. "One, I could easily get his number from Stu, and as for your stupid-ass number two--"

"Hey, sis." My brother entered the room, drinking a Spotted Cow.

"Where'd you get that?"

"I brought over a six-pack. Want one?"

My all-time favorite beer? Hell, yeah. I started to get up, but Perry pushed my butt back to the couch.

"Perfect timing, hon," Perry said to Stephen. "If a guy's trying to get it on with some girl he's never seen naked before, but ends up disgusted once her clothes are off, does he keep chugging along with his eyes closed or does his dick shrivel up?"

"Why the hell are you asking me that?"

"Well, Jills just had her very first one-night stand and--"

Stephen held up his hand and walked out, shaking his head. "And Mom says she wants you in the kitchen," he yelled back. "I shouldn't be the only one helping in there."

"Was that necessary?" I asked her, standing up.

"Yes, although he wasn't much help. Look, I can't attest to your bedroom skills, but I'm sure the sex was just as fantastic for him, so stop worrying about it."

"I'm not worrying about anything! You're the one talking about it. It's barely even a blip in my mind anymore." I headed out of the room, and Perry got up and followed me.

"Uh-huh."

I stopped cold, and she smacked into me. "Perry, promise me you'll drop this, okay? Because I can guarantee you that Chase already has. I'm sure I was just one of many, and I'm fine with that." I turned around to face her. "So, please promise me you won't find out his information because you think I secretly want it. Because I don't. I don't want to see him again. I don't want to sleep with him again. I just want to pretend it never happened."

"And continue working day in and day out--"

"Perry."

She stuck her tongue out at me. "Okay, I promise. I won't dig for any dirt."

"Thank you." Despite being perfectly happy with my life, I wasn't opposed to a man in it. The operative word being man. "Come on, before Stephen finishes off the beer."

We headed toward the kitchen, the tangy scent filling my nose. Perry joined her secret future fiancé at the table, and I zeroed in on the stove. That wonderful smell was wafting up from a large metal pot. I lifted up the lid to take a peek, and my mother swatted my hand. "Don't let Frank catch you doing that."

I smiled, dropping it closed. "Bolognese?" My stomach rumbled. Frank was a marvel in the food department. We either had a family lunch or dinner every weekend, depending on our schedules, and my stepdad did most of the cooking.

I faced my mom and gave her a hug. "Yes. Homemade pasta too."

"Can't wait." I broke away and opened the fridge, pulling out a bottle. "What can I do to help?"

"Just set the table, dear." I popped off the top and took a long swig. "Have you heard from Daniel lately?" she asked.

I set the beer down and grabbed a stack of plates from the cupboard. "Just last week. He says hello. I miss him terribly, but he's doing so well, Mom. Straight A's."

"Of course. He has my genes."

"You know that's impossible, right?"

She waved her hand. "Tomayto, tomahto." I laughed; I should've known better. My mom loves that boy just as much as I do.

I counted out silverware as Frank crept up behind my mom and seized her around the waist, giving her a loud smooch on the cheek. "Ready to eat, my beauty?"

I carried the dishes to the table, not catching her reply. Their connection filled me with so much warmth. I loved them together. He was perfect for her, much more suited than my father ever was.

"Hey, don't forget about the game Thursday," Stephen said as I set down plates. He and Perry sat at the table, practically on top of each other. There was no shortage of affection surrounding me. "You are coming, right?"

"Of course she is," Perry said.

"One ten?" I asked.

"Yeah, but come earlier. We're gonna start tailgating around eleven."

Thursday would be tough cutting work short, but I made a pact to try and balance my life better and give fun a little more priority. It wasn't always working so well. "I can't guarantee when, but I'll be there."

Whenever Stephen got free tickets from work, they were in the luxury boxes, complete with all the free food and drink anyone could handle during the game, but they still brought coolers and grills to cook out beforehand. It was tradition, and I missed it. God, when was the last time I was even at a game? It was years ago with Daniel and Mike.

"Who're they playing again?"

"The Cards."

Frank placed a basket of fresh-baked bread down next to me. Divine. I wanted to snatch the whole thing and run.

"Perry, dear, will you help me a moment?"

"Coming, Mrs. B." She jumped up, grinning at Stephen and me. "She called me dear. She loves me."

As soon as Perry skipped over to help Mom, I glared at my brother, tapping my ring finger. Yes, my mother loved her; we all did. She was already considered family. Now it just needed to be official.

I sat close to him and whispered, "What is taking you so long?"

"Shhh... keep it down. Soon, promise."

Once everything was on the table, we sat down for our weekly feast. I didn't know where to start, but I grabbed a slice of bread while it was still hot and slathered on loads of butter. I was starving today for some reason. Earth-shattering, explosive orgasms must burn a lot of calories, because ho-hum ones certainly didn't.

I stuffed a piece in my mouth, quivering from the memory. At least I was able to check toe-curling pleasure off my bucket list.

"Jillian," my mom started, taking a sip of wine. "Perry said you met a nice, young man last night. Tell us all about him, dear."

I sputtered, almost choking on my bread. Then I squinted at my target. She gave a half-smile and shrugged.

Fucking Perry.

#

"God, Mike, don't you knock?"

I clutched my chest, prying myself off the ceiling. I'd never considered getting the locks changed before, but maybe it wasn't such a bad idea.

"Sorry. Habit, I guess. It's not like you weren't expecting me."

"That's not the point." We weren't married anymore; he shouldn't feel free to barge in whenever and scare the hell out of me.

I handed him a box. "There's a few more over there"--I pointed to the stack on the floor--"all sports memorabilia. I think that's it now."

For the past couple weeks, I'd been cleaning out the basement and attic, making huge give-away and throw-away piles and depositing them all over the house. I was getting there, eventually. He'd taken everything when he moved out, save for his collectible crap.

"Did you want any of Daniel's old school stuff?" I asked. There were tons of drawings and art projects and stuff I didn't know what to do with, yet couldn't get rid of.

"No, you can hold on to it for now. I don't have the space."

I nodded and did another peek around the room. I thought about asking him to show me how to fix the air since he was there. I didn't need it at the moment; the temperature was much cooler at eighty-one, but it was supposed to hit the nineties again next week.

"You know, Jillian, I worry about you here all alone. It's not safe." I opened my mouth to disagree, but he lifted his hand. "Hear me out. I know I've said this before, but maybe you should think about selling. It wouldn't take much effort for someone to break in. I can help you with a down payment if you need it."

"I don't need it, and as I've said before, I'm perfectly fine and happy here. I love this house, and it's a good area. I have nothing to worry about. Besides, I want Daniel to have a familiar place whenever he comes home."

I turned away from him and started tidying up my desk. "Jillian, we may no longer be together, but I'll always still care."

"I'm fine, Mike." I wasn't helpless, and I was big enough to take care of myself. Hell, I raised a child for sixteen years and did a damn good job at it too. And another thing, I didn't need his guidance with the stupid air conditioner. I was more than capable of figuring it out myself.

"All right, damn. No need to snap at me. Just trying to help."

I took a deep breath. I didn't think I'd snapped, but I wasn't going to get into an arguing match with him. "You know what would be a big help? If you're going near the donation center, I'd appreciate you dropping some of these things off for me." Bags of clothes were lined up against the wall, along with tall boxes filled with games and assorted junk that was sorely in need of a new home.

"Uh, sorry. My car will already be crowded with my stuff, and I'm not planning on going to the center anytime soon."

I glanced out the window, spotting the reason for his crowded car. It was a wonder that Mike could even fit, what with the big, fat, gelatinous lips filling up space in the front seat like two red balloons. How the hell did he kiss those things?

Stop it, Jillian. I was taking over Perry's job. One of her roles as best friend, as she would say, was to be bitchy and catty when situations warranted so I could be mature and gracious.

Who cared if my ex-husband had a girlfriend within five minutes of us separating? Not me. Not when I had a superfriend who did awesome things like leave me sticky notes saying, Friends don't let friends inflate their lips to the size of a bicycle tire, and Did you hear the news? They had to create a new zip code, just for Candace's mouth.

"I can come back a different day. You shouldn't have to do it all yourself. I'm sure the majority of it's Daniel's."

"Don't worry about it. I'll take care of it." I picked up my purse and fished out my keys. "I'm sure you're busy. Thanks for stopping over." I checked the time. I needed to be heading out too.

"Sure." He stacked his boxes and picked them up, and I opened the door for him. "Jillian, you sure you're doing okay? I mean, with Daniel being gone and you in this house...."

"All alone," I finished for him. "Yes, we've established that, Mike. Over and over. I may be the only one living in this house, but I'm far from lonely. I appreciate the concern, but it's time to give it a rest once and for all."

"All right." He stepped onto the porch. "Let me know if you need anything."

"I will. Thank you. And next time, tell Candace she doesn't have to hide in the car." Over a year now and she still barely looked me in the eye. Made her look guilty, if you asked me.

"She has a slight headache."

"Right." Bullshit.

"And you know, it's a little awkward for her."

Poor baby. "A little air will be good for her headache, but just be careful not to roll the whole window down. I wouldn't want her head floating away." Too high an altitude and her lips might pop.

"What?"

"Never mind." It was best to just end this conversation now before I said something more. Something that would end up being the very antithesis of mature and gracious.

Perry could be such a bitch sometimes.

At the last minute, I decided to pull over and walk the rest of the way to Miller Park. Why pay twenty bucks to drive into the lot when I could enjoy this beautiful day? Regular exercise was something I needed badly. Another goal: Move my ass more.

I joined the dozens of others doing the same thing, and we strolled up Gen Mitchell, past the creepy cemetery that freaked the shit out of me when I was younger. One of my friends lived across the street, and we used to dare each other to sneak in at night and see who could last the longest. I don't think I ever fully recovered from that.

I went under the viaduct and across the street into the parking lot. Now, I just had to find Stephen's truck.

"Jills!" Perry found me first. "You're even earlier than I thought!"

She ran up in her teeny shorts and frilly tee, looking adorable. I felt a little frumpy in my longer shorts and oversized shirt, but hey, I was comfortable.

"Yeah, Mike stopped by sooner than expected. He walked right in, just like he still owns the place."

"Asshole." She grabbed my arm, and we weaved through the smoking grills, ducking under flying footballs. "You really should get those locks changed. Did he have Bubble Lips with him?"

I nodded. "But she stayed in the car."

"Of course she did. The little skanky other woman should hide her face from you."

"She's not the other woman anymore. And we don't know that she ever was. Suspicions don't equal fact." Why the hell was I defending her? Oh, right, because I was the mature and gracious one.

Perry rolled her eyes. "Whatever, Jills. You're much better off now, anyway." She squeezed my arm. "I'm glad you're here."

I smiled. "Me too."

We came to our spot, the smell of sizzling burgers and brats making my stomach growl. I hadn't eaten a thing yet. Stephen was tossing around the bean bag with one of his work buddies, but he stopped to wave and yell out, "Beer, soda, water in the cooler. Food will be done soon."

"Thanks." I grabbed myself a beer, and Perry and I sat back in the open hatch. Not a cloud in sight. It really was the perfect day.

A few moments later, Stephen jogged over. "You remember Alex and Chris?" He pointed to a couple guys parked to the side of us.

"Yes, nice to see you again." I'd become familiar with many of his friends. Stephen was always getting perks through his company: Game tickets, zoo fundraisers, art museums, and so on, and whenever he could, he'd extend the invitations. I'd taken Daniel to a lot of things over the years, compliments of baby brother.

We took a load off for a while, just kicking back and enjoying the sunshine before Perry dragged me to the front of the car. "I gotta tell you what happened last night."

I eyed her suspiciously. "Wait, do I even want to hear this?" If she was planning on updating me on some freaky new position they'd discovered, I so did not want to hear it.

"I--" Her lids popped wide.

"What?" I looked over my shoulder to see what made her speechless. I had no clue what it was. I waved my hand in front of her face. "What's going on?"

"Oh. My. God. Is that him?"

"Is that who?"

Oh, shit. I finally spotted the source of her bugged-out gaze. I righted forward, tugging my cap farther down my face. "Okay, let's just go back. Slowly. Do not make a big deal of this."

Perry kept staring. "This is making me cracked. I just cannot figure it out. He looks even more familiar in the daylight."

"Dammit, Perry. Stop it. I'm going back." He was only two cars down. Way too close for my comfort.

She caught my arm. "No, wait. He's not going to recognize you anyway with all those clothes on. I just need some more time to trigger my memory." She tapped her fingertips on her lips. "Holy fuck, do you think he's stalking you? How romantic."

"No, I don't think that, and no, that wouldn't be romantic. It'd be disturbing." I clasped her wrist. "Now, come on. He might not recognize me, but he'll notice you, especially with the way you're gawking at him." I did not need this right now. I'd never even considered that I'd run into him again.

"Uh, Jills?"

"Come on," I said through gritted teeth.

"Hello. Chase, right?"

Fuck. Fuckity fuck fuck fuck.

I gave Perry what I hoped was a pissed-off dirty look before turning around. "Hi."

I wanted to die. Bury myself alive. With the sun shining brightly on his face, he appeared....

Goddammit.

"Oh, look." Perry pointed at the bottle in his hand. "Spotted Cow. Isn't that something?"

"Not really," I said. I was going to kill her.

Chase tilted his head at her but didn't comment. Then he zeroed back on me. His face was too damned smooth. "I had to come over and check if it was really you. Glad to see you're not dead after all." He grinned, convincing me that my first, and definitely last, one-night stand was with a lunatic.

I squinted at him. His eyes looked more gold than green in the sun. Were lunatics always so beautiful? I suppose that'd be an added advantage; they could lure more people in that way.

"Imagine my surprise," he said, "when I called that number you gave me, and it turned out to be Andersen's Funeral Home."

My cheeks blazed. "Ah, sorry about that." Good thing the mortification distracted me from remembering his hands all over my body. For the most part.

His lips curved, and I was really hoping to see some lines, but I was shit out of luck. "Don't worry about it." There was no trace of scorn in his voice, and that made me feel worse. Chase lifted his beer, nodded, and walked away.

Perry's eyeballs were burrowing into the side of my head. I glanced at her. "What?"

"What? You know very well what. Funeral home? What the hell is that about, Jills?"

I headed back to the safety of the hatch with her tripping over my heels. "I didn't do that on purpose. I panicked and threw out some number; I didn't know whose it was."

"Oh, and he's the young one?"

I hopped up in the truck and downed half my beer. She was right, I knew. It was stupid and childish, but as I'd mentioned, I panicked.

I took a slow, deep breath. "He asked for my number, and I didn't want to give him my real one, so I changed the last couple digits. I honestly didn't think he'd remember it, anyway. I can't believe he did."

"Why even play those games? You should have just told him you didn't want to give it up."

I watched two little boys tossing around a baseball. Daniel had a shirt just like that once. "I know, but I've never done this before, Perry. I didn't want him to think I was a total tramp. I meet him only an hour before having sex with him? At least it wouldn't seem as bad if I agreed to see him again. I was a little dazed, not exactly thinking clearly."

"Why would you care what he thought about you if you never wanted to see him again?"

"I told you--"

"Holy shit!" Perry bounced, shaking the whole back. Then she jumped in front of me. "It didn't even register at first. He asked for your number after you had sex, not before?"

"Well, yeah. So?" She stared at me like I'd lost it. "I'm sure he was just being polite."

"Polite? It doesn't work that way. He's not going to ask for your number to be polite. And he sure as fuck isn't going to try calling it to be polite."

"Okay, maybe not polite, but I already proved I was easy. He probably--"

"Oh. My. God." She dug her fingernails into my arm. "What if you popped his cherry?"

"What is the matter with you two?" Stephen stepped up in our faces. "There're kids around." He zoomed in on Perry more since she was the loud, sweary one. "And who were you talking to?"

"It's the funniest thing. Remember that guy your sister met last weekend?"

"Perry." I dropped my head in my hands, still reeling from the virgin comment. "He's not interested."

"That's the guy you hooked up with?" I peeked up. "What the fuck, Jillian, is he even legal?"

"Of course he is," I snapped back. Oh God, oh God, oh God. "He's drinking, isn't he?"

Stephen rolled his eyes. "Oh, yeah. Because underage drinking doesn't exist."

"Now, now, darling," Perry said, in a tone that reminded me of the sickly drinks she liked to suck down. "There are children around."

"And you think what Jillian's doing is perfectly fine?"

"Jills can do whatever the hell she wants. She's a grown woman."

Stephen threw up his arms. "That's the fucking problem!"

I felt like a little kid whose parents were taking sides. "Enough, okay? It was a mistake, and it's over. We shouldn't even be talking about this right now."

"Damn right about that. Daniel's probably older than him."

I almost passed out on the spot. I hadn't thought about it in those terms before. I was going to be sick. Thank God I was sitting down because I was positive my legs would have crumbled beneath me.

"But what if it wasn't a mistake?" Perry said. "Who cares if he's younger?"

Stephen took off his hat and plowed his hand through his hair. "Perry," he spoke calmly. "There's young, and then there's young. You didn't grow up with us. You didn't see what our mother went through. Jillian would never put Daniel through the same thing."

My brother was just nailing it in harder and harder. Maybe I would end up in that funeral home after all. He wasn't saying anything incorrect, but that didn't help me feel any less shitty.

"God, Stephen. Lay off. She's not marrying the guy. And your parents are not Jills and Chase."

"There is no me and Chase."

"He's cute. He seems nice." Perry ticked off her fingers. "He's obviously into your sister. He's polite, according to Jills." She smiled at me sweetly. "He plays guitar. He was in a cool band for a night. It'd probably be more often if he weren't still in school. He's--"

"Wait, say that again," I said. Stephen shook his head as he plunged his hand into the icy cooler.

"Which attribute do you want me to repeat?"

"What's the school thing about? Perry, you promised me you wouldn't go digging."

"Probably high school," my brother said, still shaking his head.

"That's not even remotely funny, and you know it."

"Do you see me fucking laughing?"

I crossed my arms. This was getting ridiculous. We were spending an enormous amount of time talking about something that didn't need to be talked about. What was done was done; I couldn't go back and change anything.

"I didn't, Jills. I was drilling Stu when you went to, uh, drill Chase."

Stephen stalked away. His head was going to spin right off if he didn't stop moving it that way. "Dammit, Perry." I uncrossed my arms and pushed my palms against my forehead.

"Sorry. But anyway, I asked Stu a gazillion questions that night. I haven't talked to him since. I swear. I wanted to know more about the guy you were with. Understandable, right? I didn't mention this at your mom's because I didn't want to freak you out anymore. You were kinda worked up that day."

She paused, and I wondered what else she could possibly say. And did I even care to hear it at that point?

"So, I found out he's a good guy; he did save their butts that night. Has something to do with this charity thing... I think. Stu didn't know him as well as the guy who was having a baby or something." She twisted her lips. "And hmm... Can't remember exactly what was said about school, but he's in one. I'm pretty sure about that. Kinda. I was drinking a little."

"A little?"

"And when I saw Chase again today... Well, he does look sorta young."

"Sorta?"

She sighed loudly. "The point is who cares? Stephen is completely exaggerating. I doubt he's younger than Daniel. You were due a little fun, so don't beat yourself up about it. Age is just a number, right?"

"No, Perry, it's not." My stomach tightened. I couldn't explain the turmoil going on down there, but this was hitting me hard.

She took one look at me and gave me a big hug. "Oh, Jills, what are you going to do?"

"I'm not going to do anything. It happened. It's over. I may not be experienced in 'wham, bam, thank you ma'ams,' but I think I'm experienced enough to handle this."

It was one time. Chase is legal. He is definitely not a virgin. And I am never making the same mistake twice.

It was one time.

One. Time.

#

Lunch?

I typed off a quick reply to Perry: Can't. Swamped today. My stomach roared so loud I worried Mr. Swanson heard it on the other end. He was either going to sign or not, but he was taking his sweet time letting me know the answer. I was starting to think he just liked hearing my voice. Or making me squirm.

I can bring over Angelina's?

Oh, my God, I loved her. I would be forever in your debt.

Be there in 20. XO

It felt like only a few minutes before I saw Perry tromping up the steps that led to my office door. She peeked in the window, and I waved her in.

"Thank you, Mr. Swanson. I'll have all the required paperwork faxed over within the hour."

Perry set the bag on my desk, the aroma wafting up and distracting me. I mouthed, "Thank you," as I quickly finished the call. Leaning back in my chair, I scrubbed my hands over my face. "That was brutal but worth it. Unless he changes his mind in the next twenty-four hours, I'm golden."

"That's awesome!" She pulled up a chair, and I pulled out the sandwiches. "Now you can take more time off and start enjoying all that commission you're bringing in."

I scarfed down a huge portion of my sub before she even started hers. "Hey, I did take off a big chunk of my day for the game." Actually, it was more like the entire day since I couldn't center my mind long enough to get anything accomplished when I returned home. I ended up sitting on my back porch swing and watching the wild turkeys trek back and forth through my yard. Productive.

She nibbled on a piece of cheese. "How's your sandwich?"

"So good. You are a godsend." The only thing that had graced my stomach all day was several cups of strong, black coffee. "Do you want some iced tea?"

She nodded, and I went into the kitchen and pulled the pitcher from the fridge. I poured two glasses, grabbing the canister of sugar for her.

"Are you still taking off this weekend?" Perry asked when I came back.

"For the most part." I handed her a glass, setting the sugar beside her. "Especially now that I have Mr. Swanson wrapped up. Why, what's up? I thought you had to work."

"I do, that's the problem. I promised I'd pick up Emily from softball practice and bring her home during my break, but now they've called a mandatory meeting during that time. And I thought maybe since you're forever in my debt and all...."

I laughed. "No problem. What time?"

I thought her smile would bust open her cheeks. I guess she was happy. "Be there at eleven. You can't be late, okay? Hillside Park right off 94, next to that little charter school."

"Yes, I know where it is. Anything else?" I collected all the documents I needed to fax over, and I had another call coming in. My short lunch break was over, but if it weren't for Perry, I probably wouldn't have eaten at all.

"Nope, that's about it. I'll let Sam know. Thanks so much; you won't regret it."

My eyebrows scrunched together as I switched on the headset. What an odd thing to say. Why would I regret it?

I swung into the lot ten minutes early, seeing the girls were still gathered on the field. I didn't know if I should wait in my car until the end of practice, but it was too nice of a day to be cooped up. The predicted heat wave was pushed forward another day, giving me more time to work on the a/c. Every day I'd planned to fix it, another reason popped up for me not to.

I cut through the grass and over to the diamond, plunking myself down on the bleachers. I glanced around at all the empty spaces. Shouldn't there be more parents here? It was close enough to pick-up. Come to think of it, there was only one other car in the lot.

Squinting against the sun, I cursed myself for forgetting my glasses. I shaded my eyes with my hand and tried to scope out Emily from the rest of the bunch that was lining up for the tee. Practice didn't appear to be almost over. Maybe Perry got the time wrong.

I pulled out my phone to shoot her a text but decided against it, not wanting to bother her during the meeting. I set it aside as a young woman sat down next to me. "Hi," she said. "I haven't seen you around before. Which one's yours?"

"Emily. Well, she's not mine; she's my friend's niece. I'm picking her up today."

She nodded. "The redhead." With the sun piercing my eyeballs, they all seemed to have a red tint to their hair. She gave me a once-over. "Cute shirt."

"Thanks." I slapped my palms on my thighs. "What time is practice over? I was told eleven."

"Oh, no. You probably still have at least a half hour yet."

Hmm... now what? I could take a walk, swing on the swings. I used to love that. I wondered if I could even tolerate it anymore without feeling nauseous. Or I could just sit here in the warm sun and chat with the woman next to me. She seemed pleasant enough.

I turned my head, about to ask her name, when I noticed a goofy smile on her face. Her eyes were transfixed on the coach, and I think I detected a bit of drool. I recognized that look. "Your boyfriend?" I asked.

"Not yet."

"Good luck." I smiled. How cute--a little crush. The woman looked to be twenty. I wish I could say I remembered those days, but I couldn't recall a time when I wasn't with Mike. Being a married new adult with a ready-made family didn't leave much time for gushing and googly eyes.

One of the girls connected her bat with the ball, sending it flying. She ran right over to her coach and gave him a huge hug. Sweet. I was trying to get a better look at the guy who had the one beside me so spellbound when my cell pinged.

How's everything?

I thought you were in a meeting? I texted back.

Ended early. I swear.

I frowned at the screen. Man, she was acting strangely.

"Jillian?"

Huh? I raised my head and thought I'd lost my frickin' mind. In what world was it sane to have him standing right in front of me? And what the hell...? He was Emily's coach?

"You know her?" I noticed the once-pleasant feminine eyes narrowing.

"You could say that," he said, and the entire vibe shifted further. "What are you doing here?"

"I... uh..." If my tongue didn't untie itself soon, I'd bite it for acting like such an idiot. Both of them stared at me. Wasn't there a practice to finish? "I'm picking up Emily today."

"I thought you'd never been here before?" she said as if I'd just lied to her. As if I'd somehow orchestrated this entire bizarre scene so I could get her heartthrob to talk to me instead of her.

"I haven't. Excuse me."

I had Perry's line ringing before I'd barely made it off the bleachers. I stormed over to the empty playground area, waiting for her to pick up. I disconnected as soon as it hit voice mail.

Why aren't you answering? I texted.

Sorry. Meeting's over but still at work.

Do you happen to know what I'm thinking right now?

It was a long shot, but I was willing to give her the benefit of the doubt. Much stranger coincidences had occurred. Perry could have had no idea of the coach's identity. I stole a peek to see Chase back on the field and whatshername back to ogling, I assumed. I just wanted to get Emily and leave.

Thank you? she replied.

Goddammit.

WTF Perry?

You're welcome.

Argh. I thrust my cell into my pocket, knowing I'd deal with her later in person. I sat on the swing, pumping my legs, surprised my stomach wasn't rolling. I waited out the rest of the practice, zoning into the creak of the chains and wondering how I'd ever gotten myself into such a mess.

In the greater scheme of life, it shouldn't have been that big of a deal. People hook up all the time. They have sex, they forget, and they move on.

But I wasn't forgetting, and I wasn't moving on. Because the damn fucker was right in front of me. Taunting his May to my December.

I'd made it this far being responsible, so why the screw-up now?

Finally. The girls rushed off the field and dive-bombed several coolers sitting off in the grass. I slowed the swing, digging my heels in the dirt, hopping off when I noticed Emily looking around. She spotted me and ran over with her water and little baggie of snacks.

"Auntie Jillian."

"Hi, honey." My heart got all warm and gooey. Technically, I'm not her aunt, of course, but I loved when she called me that. She slid her hand in mine, and I assumed we'd be heading to the car.

"I need to get my glove, Auntie Jillian." I was about to tell her I'd wait when I spotted a black blob on the silver bench. Shit. Would it be wrong to ask Emily to pick that up too?

Yes, it would. Unless I didn't care about being a wimp because I made a little girl retrieve the purse I'd left behind. "Okay, honey, let's go, and then I need to get you home."

I sucked it up, and we walked over, my pulse jacking higher the closer Chase came into sight. He wore a pair of athletic shorts, and it was the first chance I had to get a really good glimpse of the musculature of his calves, the hard curves leading up to thicker slabs. They'd been hidden in jeans, except for the time his thighs were bare and pressed against me....

"Ouch! You're squeezing my hand."

I lessened my grip. "Sorry, sweetie."

I darted my eyes upward to catch a tiny smile forming on his lips. Oh, no. He did not just bust me looking. Please, God. What was the matter with my cognitive processes? And how could I be so incredibly aroused and thoroughly disgusted with myself all in the same breath?

"Bye, Coach. See you next time," Emily said. "And thank you."

Chase gave her brim a tug and grinned. "You're welcome, Emily. Great job today keeping your eye on the ball. And way to get your mitt dirty."

He winked, and Emily beamed. His praise obviously meant a lot to her, and it was touching to see her face light up. If nothing else, at least I knew my first, and only, one-night stand wasn't with a coldhearted bastard.

"Yes, thank you," I said quickly, clenching her hand and snatching my purse.

"Jillian?"

I took a long breath and straightened, only to get an eyeful of lovergirl rushing straight toward us. "Oh, Chase. Since Willow's dad didn't show today, I thought you could use some help bringing the equipment back to school."

"That'd be great. Thanks."

"Anytime, Chase."

His gaze was substantial, weighing down on me. Fortunately, his devotee balanced it out with her nails-on-a-chalkboard scowl, allowing me to keep my senses. I was interfering, and that was not my intention. If she could get a little something going with him, then who was I to stand in the way? They were much better suited for each other.

She touched Chase's arm. "Rosa's mom's waiting for you. She really needs to talk to you before she leaves. Which she needed to do five minutes ago."

"I'll be there in a minute, Cassie."

Cassie and Chase. Even their names together sounded like something you'd put on top of a cupcake and eat up. And then puke up later. I had to get out of there.

"No, please. I don't want to keep you. We have to go anyway."

To my relief, he didn't protest. These unexpected meetings had to end. It freaked me out to no end, getting all hot and bothered by someone who could pass as my son. An icy shiver snaked up my spine. Now I'm really going to retch.

I may have been out of the dating scene for far too long. I may not know the correct etiquette for introducing my vagina back into society. But I wasn't so daft to believe that hot, meaningless sex with the hardest man I've ever felt meant anything but.

I may not know everything, but I knew I wasn't a damned cougar.

#

"Coach must like you." I raised my eyes to view Emily's reflection in the rearview mirror. "He never stops practice to talk to anyone."

I smiled, not quite knowing what to say but not wanting to blow her off. "How do you like softball so far?"

"I love it. I have lots of friends, and Coach is really nice. And fun. He makes us laugh a lot."

I nodded. "That's good, sweetie." I pulled my purse onto my lap. "Can you do me a favor? Give your mom a call and let her know we'll be there in about five minutes."

"Okay, Auntie Jillian."

I dug around for my phone with one hand, not finding any flat objects. My fingers went nuts, feeling up everything as my heart started hammering. Oh, that's right. I reached into my pocket, remembering I'd stuck it in there while I was swinging. I patted the other pocket. Shit. The walloping began again, stronger than ever.

I pulled off to the side. "Just looking for my phone," I told her as I proceeded to check around the seats, ducking my head underneath. My throat was closing in.

No, no, no.

Think, Jillian. When did you last use it? Not since the swings. I'd pumped myself pretty high, loving the rush of going back down, marveling how good it felt again.

Damn, it must have slipped out.

I wasted a full minute deciding what to do. Go back to the park, or take Emily home first? We were much closer, so I took her home, crossing my fingers that her mom was finished with her appointment.

Luck was in my court. I didn't want to be rude, so I chatted a bit, but for the most part, I was out of there quickly after hugging Emily good-bye.

Thirteen minutes later, I was adding my car to the collection of others in the parking lot. In the time since I had left and driven Emily home, every kid in the area had swarmed in. I surveyed the blur of activity in the playground area, and my head dropped. If my phone was still there, it was probably trampled.

I jogged over, expecting to see the worst. Scanning the ground beneath the swings and the surrounding grass netted no results. I retraced my steps, going to the bleachers and back again. I feared some kid had walked off with it and was using it for a toy. Had I remembered to lock it? I groaned. My goal of bringing more fun into my life was only inviting more complications.

I noticed a couple women on a nearby bench. "Sorry to interrupt, but have you by chance seen a cell phone lying around?"

"No, sorry."

Damn. "Okay, thanks."

A girl in a baseball hat darted past, ponytail swinging wildly. I watched her make a beeline for the slide and to where, I assumed, her mother and younger sister were playing. I went over; it was worth a shot.

"Excuse me." The woman lifted her head while the child continued drawing a picture in the dirt with a stick. "Have you been at the park the whole time since practice ended?"

"Yes."

"I was here earlier, and I think I dropped my phone. Have you noticed one... anywhere?" I lifted my eyebrows, awaiting her response. Please, please, please--

"I wish I could tell you I had, but no." My shoulders dropped. "But you can check in the office." She pointed toward the school. "They're open till one. If anything is unclaimed after practice, they'll bring it there. I didn't see anything, but maybe someone else did."

"Thanks so much. I'll do that."

I raced to my car. It was close enough to walk if I wanted to tread through clumps of trees and waste more time, but I had to hurry and get to the office.

It hadn't even dawned on me until I was rushing up the steps--who exactly takes the lost items to the office? Cassie mentioned something about bringing equipment to a school. I pulled open the doors and stepped into the building. It was nothing I could worry about now.

The office was directly across from the front doors. Unfortunately, no one occupied it. I glanced around. The place was so tiny I could see to the end of both hallways simultaneously. There were sounds of life coming from various classrooms, but for the most part, it was deserted. What did I expect? It was a Saturday in late June.

"Can I help you?"

I swiveled around to see an extremely petite woman holding a stack of papers that appeared almost as tall as her. She dropped them to the floor and began shoving pieces into individual slots lining the wall. I wondered if she had been in the office the whole time, and I just hadn't seen her.

"Yes. I'm hoping someone dropped off a phone. I left it at the park during softball practice."

"Not that I'm aware, but I've been in and out. Why don't you check with Mr. Nolan?"

"Ah, I'm not familiar with this school. Where is--"

The front door opened, and an attractive older lady walked in. She waved and headed down the hall.

"Mrs. Freemont, can you please show..." The small woman looked at me.

"Jillian," I said.

"Can you show Jillian the way to Mr. Nolan, please?"

The lady smiled warmly. "Of course."

I approached her, and she held out her hand. Her hair was fully gray, but it worked for her. "Hello, Jillian. I'm Linda. Are you new to the school?"

"Oh, no. I forgot my phone at the park, and I was hoping someone dropped it off here." How many times had I said that today? I was a warped record.

Linda nodded, and we took a few more steps. "Well, here we are." She gestured to the closed door. "My granddaughter's finishing up her lesson. We'll go in when they're finished."

I couldn't hear anything and was about to ask what time the lesson ended when the pluck of guitar strings snapped me to attention. Seconds later, the door opened.

His eyes widened, and I wished that's all mine did. I think they actually popped from my head at one point and rolled down the hall.

"Do you want to hear what I learned today, Grandma?"

"You bet I do." She went inside and sat beside her granddaughter while the little girl strummed away on her pink guitar. Was that Green Day? I was losing it.

Chase leaned against the doorframe and took me in, my temperature skyrocketing. The tune switched to "Hot Cross Buns," and the irony didn't escape me. I never thought an innocent childhood song could make me blush.

Was I that delusional to think it was the silly song heating my cheeks?

Why wasn't he speaking? Fine, I'd be the one to go first. I wasn't going to stand there and let him make me sweat.

"I'm looking for Mr. Nolan."

"You've found him."

What the--

My eyes caught sight of a willowy frame blowing down the hall. Her granite face took me in. "Oh, hello. Jillian, is it?" She looked around. "Is Emily with you?"

"No, just me."

"Oh." Cassie forced a smile, but I just happened to speak Bitch. I translated that word as, 'Then what the fuck are you doing here, you fucking skank?' "So, what brings you here?" 'Step away from my man right now or I'll make you sorry, bitch.'

It was almost comical, the vibe that oozed from her. She had no reason to feel threatened, yet her demeanor indicated she clearly was. I was more flattered than annoyed.

"I'm here to talk to Mr. Nolan." I really was not in the mood to run down the whole situation for her.

Silence.

"Do you need something, Cassie?"

She turned toward Chase, her stony face softening. "Yes, I'd love some help in the gym when you're free. Mrs. Hanson dropped off a huge pile of items for the play, and it'd go so much quicker having an extra pair of hands to go through them all."

He nodded. "I'll be there as soon as I can."

"Great!" She moved her eyes back to me. "Nice to see you again, Jillian." 'If I see your face again, I'll claw it off.'

Linda came over, and Cassie slinked off. I stepped aside, grateful for the reprieve. This day was a whirlwind of peculiar.

She opened her bag and pulled out her wallet. Chase held up his hand. "Don't worry about that now." He moved in closer. "She had a really good day," he said quietly.

Her face looked relieved. "Thank you, Chase." She touched his arm and leaned in. "Can we speak a moment?"

He turned toward me, his deep forest eyes swirling with rays of light. Get a grip, Jillian. They're fucking green.

"I won't be long. Stay, please."

I nodded. As if I had a choice, but at least he asked nicely. They stepped outside the door, closing it, and I went over to the girl. "Hi, I'm Jillian. I like your guitar."

"Me too." Her face lit up. "My name is Hazel."

"Nice to meet you, Hazel." I pulled up a chair. "You sound very pretty when you play. Have you been taking lessons for a long time?"

"Hmm." She shrugged. "Sometimes. I'm getting better at reading tab. Is Mr. N your boyfriend?"

"Mr. Nolan?" Hazel bobbed her head up and down as she plucked on the nylon strings. "No, he's not. Why?"

She shrugged again. "I like your hair."

"Well, thank you, Hazel. I like yours too." It matched her name perfectly.

She grinned widely, then hopped off her chair when the door opened. Her grandmother held out her arms, and Hazel ran into them.

The little girl bounced over to Chase and hugged him tightly. "Bye, Mr. N. See you Monday."

He tousled her hair. "Great job today, Hazelnut. Don't forget to practice."

"I won't. Promise."

She left with Linda, and I was left standing there with a guy I barely had a clue about, despite already letting him into my body. I was never having a one-nighter again.

"So, you teach guitar lessons. Here."

Chase nodded, ushering me farther inside, then shutting the door. "I also teach music. Here." He waved his hand around the room.

"And you coach softball."

"I do."

He leaned back on his desk, looking completely confident in his element. I couldn't decide if that made me aroused or pissed off. Wait... it probably wasn't that long ago when he was sitting in one of these desks himself. Yes, definitely pissed off.

But it did clear up a few things. I thought back to Perry's ramblings, and it explained the school thing. Relief flowed through me. Okay, maybe pissed off was too strong a word. And I couldn't deny that music teachers floated my boat--older ones, that is.

"And you're obviously good enough to be on stage."

"It was temporary, but I appreciate the compliment." He smiled, and it made his face look so damn... beautiful. Chase straightened and took a step closer. His hair was a bit on the longer side, and dark. I liked dark hair. "Why don't we continue this conversation over dinner tomorrow night? You know things about me, and I don't know a thing about you."

"Tomorrow's the third. That's the fireworks downtown."

"Are you going?"

"Well, no, but...."

"Neither am I, so what about dinner?" I frowned. We were careening way off track. "Don't you want your phone back?" he asked.

My phone! "Yes! Thank you." That should have been my very first question to him. I breathed out deeply; the search was over. Then I squinted at him. "Wait, are you holding my phone hostage?"

He laughed. "Your imagination is right up there with my students." He opened his desk drawer and pulled out my cell.

"How did you know it was mine?" Great, I probably did leave it unlocked. I scanned my memory--were there any inappropriate texts from Perry? Of course there were, but anything to do with Chase? I felt faint. Any 'best sex of my life' comments? Anything to do with rock-hard abs and wall-busting erections?

"It wasn't that hard considering you were the only one on the playground during practice. I'm not usually so distracted." He held it out in his open hand. "Here you go. No strings attached."

I was so happy to have it back that I went right over and snatched it, stopping myself before the hugging stage. I almost ignored the effect his proximity had over me too. God, I'm a grown woman. It's time to start acting like one again.

"However, I believe you do owe me one. I'll accept dinner as repayment."

"Owe you?"

"For keeping it safe."

"That doesn't sound like 'no strings attached.' Look, I'm very grateful, but I...."

May as well nip this in the bud right now. I moved in closer, almost ignoring the sparks again. Almost disregarding the way my skin tingled, practically feeling his mouth all over it. Dammit. Why'd I have to be completely sober that night? Why'd I have to remember every last freaking orgasm?

"How old are you, Chase?"

"Twenty-three."

I inhaled sharply. That was bad. No, that was good. Good because he's older than Daniel. Bad because he's still younger than I'd originally thought when I slept with him. I could take disturbing lyrics and cover them up with a beautiful melody all day long, and it wouldn't change the meaning. Whatever way you deciphered it, he was too young. Too fucking young.

His lips curved as he regarded me. I had no doubt that I looked neurotic as I tossed around my conclusions inside my head. "And I'm thirty-eight."

In less than two short years, we wouldn't even be in consecutive decades. I watched his face closely, and to his credit, he didn't even flinch, much less recoil with disgust.

"So?"

"So?" What was the matter with him? "That's--"

"Fifteen years."

"I can do math," I snapped, then felt guilty. But, God... fifteen years? Really? It sounded a lot worse hearing it out loud. "I was going to say that's wrong. As I've already stated, I don't date younger men."

He wrapped his hand around my arm and pulled me in. "Jillian." I could see the softness of his lips, taste his scent, feel the vibration when he spoke my name. I was messed up. "Not a date. Dinner."

Was he going to kiss me? I wanted that. No, I didn't. My reality was dangerously twisted. This boy was all man. His mouth was inches from mine, and my pussy throbbed. Literally throbbed. My brain kept sending down the hint to pull away, but it was drowning out in all the wetness.

I was sure that kiss was coming any second, but he lifted my hair and went to my ear instead. "And as I've already said, Jillian, I find you interesting," he whispered, the heat from his breath making me tremble. "And sexy as fuck. You may have a wild imagination, but I don't think you're a very good pretender. You enjoy my company as much as I enjoy yours."

Well, wasn't that presumptuous? I should just... He stroked my neck, and I told myself to shut up. I closed my eyes, wondering how he'd explain the melted woman all over the floor to the janitor when he removed his hand. I lifted my lids, feeling utterly defeated. Good, bad. Right, wrong. I didn't even know which end was up at that point.

"One dinner," he said. "Two people enjoying each other's company and sharing a meal. That's all I'm asking right now."

All I could see was his masculine face, the hard angles and soft eyes. My senses waved good-bye, and I nodded. Before I knew it, I'd given him that phone number I'd tried to protect.

I walked out of that room feeling like I'd been through an electrical storm, having no idea what had hit me so hard.

Not a date. Dinner. I could do that. I happened to eat dinner all the time.

Don't look back. Just keep walking, Jillian. Do not look back.

I looked back. Chase stood outside the door, watching me leave. It was arousing as hell. I faced forward and pushed open the front doors. I'd just consented to something I felt very strongly against.

How would anything ever be the same again?

#

"What the fuck, Perry?"

We'd just finished our early family lunch, and Perry was stuffed full of lasagna. My stomach was too filled with nervous flutters to add any food to it. The sultry air blanketed over me, coating like a second skin. To say I was uncomfortable didn't do my anxiety enough justice.

"What the fuck, Perry?"

"You already said that."

"It deserves to be said twice." The gravel crunched under our shoes as the two of us took a post-meal walk down my mother's block. Perry wanted to burn off some of her bloated belly; I wanted to settle the little score I had with her and get all this murkiness out of my head before it knocked me on my ass. "Just what am I supposed to do now?"

"Watch out for that turtle!" I looked down in time to step over the little guy. We stood there and waited for him to finish crossing the street before we moved on. "Do you want to sit down by the pond?" she asked.

"I thought you were full enough to puke your guts all over the table?" I believe those were her exact words back at the house.

"Yeah, I'm good now. We've moved enough."

We trekked up the hill to the little wooden bench. A heavier stickiness was creeping into the air with a vengeance, making it feel like I was stuck in an armpit. The skies were still pretty clear, but they were predicting major storms for the rest of the holiday weekend.

"Maybe I should go with you guys tonight if they don't cancel them," I said.

She gave me a sideways glance. "You already declined the invitation."

"Yeah, but that was before...." Before Chase asked me to dinner. Before I told him I wasn't going to the fireworks. Before Perry took it upon herself to play Little Miss Matchmaker.

She said it was fate when she'd noticed the team photo on her sister's table. And just like that, Chase's identity came barreling right at her. All she had to do was ask the name of Emily's coach, and voila! Perry had her confirmation. She said everything fell into place so easily after that, it must prove it's meant to be. According to her, it wasn't digging if it landed in her lap.

What Perry called fate, I called meddling, and I must say, I was doing a stellar job restraining my urge to toss her into the pond.

I was stuck at the end of some cartoon, and I was the crazy character shaking their fist in the air and saying, 'And I would have gotten away with it too if it weren't for those darn meddling kids.'

"Perry, just what the hell were you thinking? You could have at least warned me."

"I only did it for you, Jills. Would you have gone if I told you who her coach was?"

"I would have still picked up Emily if you needed me to." Perry had sworn up and down that she really was in an important meeting. Even if I didn't like how the situation was handled, I still believed her.

"Yeah, but you wouldn't have gotten out of the car. And you probably would have worn a babushka."

I sighed, knowing she was right to some extent, but damn... these weren't the kind of surprises I wanted hurled my way. If she had just left well enough alone, Chase and I might not have crossed paths again. But who even knew if that was correct either.

I flopped down on the bench, probably resembling an overcooked noodle. Between the humidity and my inner chaos, I was drained. I pulled out my phone and banged it against my bottom lip. "I'm going to cancel. I don't know what I was thinking when I agreed anyway. He had me all flustered."

"That sounds like a good thing to me."

I shook my head. "It felt like a hormone-infested teenager had possessed my vocal cords and spoke for me."

Perry stood in front of me, rolling her eyes, hands on her hips. "Just go on the damn date, Jills. You can always decide not to do a second one."

"It's not a date. It's dinner."

"Whatever."

She sat down beside me and put her head on my shoulder, snatching my phone away. We watched the ducks for a while as I turned over everything in my mind. I couldn't believe how much I struggled with something that should've been exciting and fun. If only I were fifteen years younger....

"Do you think I'm drawn to Chase because I miss Daniel?" Perry lifted her head and looked at me. "Because I just want someone to mother again?"

"Hmm, that depends.... When you see Chase, do you want to feed him milk and cookies, or do you want to screw his brains out?"

I dropped my head in my hands. "Oh, my God, Perry. I'm a cougar."

"What the fuck are you talking about?"

"I looked it up. I'm late thirties. There's a fifteen year age difference..."

"I think the fact that you're going into this kicking and screaming kinda negates the whole predatory requirement."

I lifted my eyes to watch the clouds swirling above me. The blue still poked through, but the rain was coming. I could smell it. There was a pretty good chance the skies would be too hazy to shoot anything off tonight.

"I don't understand why you're acting like this. You've never had a problem with your age before. So what if you're attracted to him? As long as he's legal, it's all good."

No, she really didn't understand, but my brother would. "You're not going to mention any of this to Stephen, right?"

"Not if you don't want me to. I don't need him freaking out on you again for stupid shit." It wasn't stupid to me. I took my phone back and secured it in my hand. "And I know what you're thinking," she said, "but what your dad did wasn't an age thing, it was an asshole thing. No offense."

"None taken."

Perry rose, then grabbed my hands and yanked me up. "We should start walking back. You need to get home and into something hot. Where's he taking you, anyway? You never mentioned it."

My gut twisted, spiraling up to my throat. "Dammit, Perry, it's not a date."

"Calm down. I didn't say it was. Not this time."

I studied the sharp edges of the grass as we headed back down the hill. It looked very... green. I decided to look for the turtle instead. It had to be around somewhere.

"Hey, I have an idea." Perry stopped dead. "If it'll put you more at ease and give it a less date-ish feel, why don't you invite him over instead? Order some takeout and keep it casual."

I gave her a double take. "Bring him into my house? Seriously?"

"Think about it. It would be douchey of you to cancel out at the last minute, right?"

"Unless I have a good reason and--"

"Yeah, but you don't. And I know you like the guy, right?"

"Yes, but--"

"And I know you, Jills. You're probably having some weird freak-out moment about someone seeing you two in public and thinking you're on a real date."

I didn't bother speaking, just continued shuffling my feet down that hill. Yes, the possibility had occurred to me that we'd be mistaken for mother and son, but that wasn't the only--

"This way you're on home turf, and it takes away the pressure."

Now she was interrupting my thoughts. I stopped and held up my hand. "Can I speak, please?" She nodded. "I don't know him well enough to have him alone inside my house." Her eyebrows lifted. "Sex doesn't count."

"Well, I trust Stu, and he says he's a good guy. You don't need to worry about getting hacked up into little pieces."

"You told me Stu didn't know him that well."

She threw up her hands. "Fuck, you're stubborn. Now you're just making excuses."

Was I? I didn't think so. In fact, I thought my points were pretty valid. We resumed our walk, making it down to the road. "If I suggest he comes over instead of going out, he's going to get the wrong idea."

"So? Don't you want to have sex with him again?"

"No!" Yes. Maybe.

"I'll tell you what we're gonna do. Invite him over so it's just the two of you. Get to know him a little better with no outside influence. Keep it free to be. Let him know ahead of time that you have plans later tonight so there's a limit to the fun. I'll show up on your doorstep as soon as I get back home. If you know I'm coming there, you'll have a better chance at keeping your horny teenager in check."

"You'll be with Stephen tonight."

"As soon as the fireworks are over, I'll come over alone. I'll just tell your brother you have some hormonal emergency. At least I won't be lying to him."

The plan almost sounded... reasonable. "You swear?"

She smiled wide. "Cross my heart."

Five hours later, I was squinting through my blinds as a black Ford pulled into my driveway. My heart started bouncing off the walls, so I backed away and paced around the room instead. A car door slammed. It would only be a matter of seconds now, a minute tops before my doorbell rang.

I stepped in front of one of the many fans I had blowing around the room and took a large dose to the face. Too bad there wasn't a little hand that came out in times like these. I needed a good slap of sense.

I felt my cheeks; they were scorching hot and throbbing. Maybe I was coming down with something or maybe--

The door chime sent me to the ceiling because, of course, I wasn't expecting that at all. Why should I allow some guy to get me so wired? Just because I wasn't used to having scrambled eggs for brains, didn't mean I had to act like it.

I opened the door, the bag in his arms serving as a temporary distraction. "Hi, Jillian." Chase came inside. "Nice place. Where's the kitchen?"

"Why do you have a grocery bag?" He smiled, hurling a new distraction at me. Why did the shade of his irises change all the damn time? Maybe I should be asking him that instead.

"I'm making dinner."

I didn't respond, so he turned and rounded the corner, taking it upon himself to find the kitchen. I assumed that was what he was doing since I was struck dumb. I quickly followed and... Don't look, Jillian. Keep your eyes straight ahead. Do not look down.

Dammit. I looked at his ass, and he caught me. My face torched up again, and his lips curved as he set the bag on the counter. Why did he have to turn around at that very moment?

Great plan, Perry.

I took a deep breath and opened the fridge. No. As far as plans went, it was a halfway decent one. The problem wasn't with Perry's idea; it was with me. I just had to get back to that place when I thought he was gay. Free-flowing conversation with zero possibility of getting naked.

Easy-peasy.

I pulled out a couple beers and handed him one, knowing I'd better savor mine because it was the only one I was having. At least until Perry arrived.

All I had to do was open my mouth and expel some words. "Dinner?" See, that wasn't so hard. Who cared if it was only a one-word sentence? It was a start.

"Fajitas okay?" Chase dipped his hand into the bag and pulled out a bag of peppers, plunking them next to my coffee maker. "You said you liked Mexican."

"Yes, but"--I took a large guzzle from the bottle--"I thought we were going to order in." At least that's what I remembered talking about when I updated him on the change of plans. He'd been so accommodating when I'd mentioned it, but now things were veering off course.

He set down a glass container filled with liquid. "I want to cook instead. Does that bother you?" I shook my head. I needed to lighten up. The entire night wasn't going to blow up in my face just because the dinner menu changed. We were still eating in. "Good. I started marinating these steaks right away. I usually like to give them overnight, but it'll still work."

I watched him unload the rest of the stuff as I took another deep sip, nearly finishing it. The alcohol pooled in my empty belly, and if I shimmied fast enough, I'd be able to hear it slosh.

"Let me pay for half of this." I squatted down, pulled out a cast iron skillet from the lower cupboard, and showed it to him.

He nodded, taking it from me. "Naw, you've got the beer. It's even."

I doubted that. My entire counter was covered. "Then how can I help?" My stomach rumbled, and I stood up and finished off my beer, trying to quiet it down. I already felt looser. I had this night in the bag.

"You can cut up some veggies."

"Done." I brought out the cutting board, then carried over a plateful of red and yellow peppers to the sink. Sliding open the window, a strong breeze blew over my face, cooling me. At least the temperature had dropped to a comfortable degree. I could turn off the fans and open all the windows instead.

"Do anything special to celebrate the Fourth?" he asked.

I took the peppers back to the counter, placing them next to the onions. "It depends. Not sure about this year since they're calling for storms all day, but I usually spend the holiday with family."

I heard the sizzle of oil; then Chase sidled up beside me. Despite the strength of my pulse coinciding with the heavy chop of the knife, I was holding it together pretty damn well.

"I have a confession to make."

My hand stilled for a moment before I resumed slicing. Fuck, this was it. He was going to tell me something horrendously disturbing, like that steak he was cooking up was really his ex-girlfriend or that he'd been a sixteen-year-old virgin until I made a man out of him. A shiver snaked up my spine. At least I was the one holding the knife.

"It wasn't me who found your phone after practice. It was Hazel."

Oh. I looked up at him. "So, you're still twenty-three?"

He laughed. "Last time I checked." My shoulders relaxed. Then I squashed my lips together. Since when was his age something to be relieved about?

"And you're a well-adjusted member of society?" Unlike me, apparently.

"I believe so. They did let me out early for good behavior; that has to account for something."

My mouth widened, and he winked. Humph. I went back to the vegetables, peeling the plastic off the mushroom container. "You said you found my phone, and that's why I owed you one."

"No, I said I kept it safe, and that's why you owed me."

"Well, if you truly believe you didn't mislead me, then what you just told me is not really a confession, is it?"

He grasped my chin in his hand and tilted my head toward him. I dropped the knife in surprise; luckily, I didn't slice off a finger. The near miss was soon forgotten as I got lost in a sea of green. And when his lips touched mine, everything else escaped me as well.

It ended much too quickly. The warmth continued flowing through me even after the connection was broken, and my head was left in a misty fog. I couldn't fathom how such a gentle kiss could affect me so deeply.

"The next one will be up to you, Jillian."

We spent the rest of the meal preparation in relative silence. I ran through the whole gamut of emotions: frustration, relief, happiness, irritation, searing arousal, frustration, frustration, frustration.

I took it out on the poor red onions, planning to eat the whole lot after I pulverized them, just so I wouldn't be tempted to instigate that next kiss.

It was up to me, was it? This coming from the man who told me point blank that he wanted to fuck me. Who did fuck me, and thoroughly, as I fucked him right back. Who filled my body with an intense pleasure it hadn't experienced in so long, if ever. I gritted my teeth; it was time to reel it back in.

Screw the one-beer limit.

#

We ate our fajitas on separate couches. Me, cross-legged with the plate on my lap and him, leaning over the living room coffee table. Keeping it casual. It wasn't as if I was going to get all fancy and break out the china and candlelight.

It was probably the best meal I ever had.

"This is so delicious," I said, wolfing it down. I wasn't going to eat dainty little bites when it was this frickin' good.

"It's my specialty. Glad you like spicy."

"Love it." I took a swig of beer, which complemented the meal perfectly. I adored hot, spicy food, but Mike couldn't stand it. I would have made something like this every night if he'd shared the same tastes as me.

"You have to give me the recipe."

"It's a secret."

Hmm. I narrowed my eyes at him. The easy-going vibe was back between us now that we had some distance. I didn't worry about drinking too much because I had a heap of food inside me, and I was definitely no lightweight.

The wind howled through the open windows, and I watched my tall oaks swaying back and forth. There was no doubt the fireworks would be canceled. Even if the rain held off, the cloud coverage was too thick.

"Ever lost a tree?"

I set my plate on the table and leaned my head back, fully satisfied. At least in my stomach. "No, I've been really lucky. The neighbors have, but so far in the sixteen years I've lived here, there have only been branches down. I must do a pretty good job taking care of things."

Chase stood up and walked to the window. I was getting better; I didn't even look. "You take care of this entire yard by yourself? I'm impressed."

Yeah, it was a bitch, but I loved it. Two acres with mature trees made for a lot of yard work, especially in the fall. "Along with my business, it keeps me busy." I paused when I noticed him staring at me. "It wasn't always that way. I used to have help. I'm... divorced."

"Better than being married."

He didn't even miss a beat. Part of me wanted him to react negatively, even though at my age it was assumed I'd have a past with some ratty old baggage thrown in. It'd be unrealistic to think he believed otherwise. But just like when I told him my age, he didn't even flinch.

That bothered me for reasons I couldn't even begin to figure out.

"And I was married for a long time, Chase. Seventeen years. Almost as long as you've been alive." Still nothing. He looked like a damn statue. Sculpted marble. Would it hurt my teeth to sink into it? Another calming breath. "Do you understand what I'm saying? You're the first one I've been with since my divorce. And I've never slept with someone so quickly before."

I was throwing it all out there now, and if he couldn't take it? Oh, well, not my issue. But I did draw the line at Daniel. I couldn't take that next step and mention my twenty-year-old stepson, and I couldn't explain my reasons for that either.

"I don't recall us doing any sleeping."

"Do you think this is a joke?"

"No, it's most definitely not a joke to me."

I got up and brought my plate into the kitchen, pulling out another beer, even though I hadn't finished the last one yet. I snagged another for him too, just in case. The course had taken another turn, and I wasn't sure where it was leading.

When I returned, he was kicked back on the couch. I handed him the bottle, and he nodded, popping it open. I went back to my couch and plunked down.

"Do you make it a habit of having sex with unfamiliar women?"

Because my repertoire didn't include banging strange men. I'd been with others before my marriage, but I could hardly count that as sexual experience. It was more like fumbling and trying to get something to stick.

"I wouldn't say it's a habit, but I have, yes."

Okay, I could definitively strike the virgin/not virgin question off my list. I knew there was no way he could have been that good for a first time. Why did I ever let Perry put that into my head to begin with? All it did was make me crazy. Check that--crazier.

"Then let me ask this a different way. Are you a cougar hunter?"

He sputtered, and I was that close to running over and smacking him on the back. Apparently it wasn't good timing to ask him such a thing during a swig because he almost spat beer all over my cushions.

"What the hell are you talking about?" Chase started laughing, and I crossed my arms and glared at him.

"I thought you were older that night. If I had known your true age, I wouldn't have slept with you. No matter how hard up I was."

I waited for him to make a comment again about sleeping, but then realized I'd just admitted I was hard up. Way to go, Jillian.

"And I thought you were younger." He rested his forearms on his thighs and leaned in closer to me. "But unlike you, if I would have known your age that night, I still would have fucked you, and I can assure you I am not hard up."

"No, I imagine you're not."

Since when was green not a cool color? His eyes blazed as if they were fire-toned, and I sank farther into the couch to deflect a bit of the intensity. He reminded me of nothing less than a man at the moment.

"Since we're being so honest with each other tonight, I can also assure you that you're the first unfamiliar woman I've even wanted to see again. So, I could suppose you'd say we're both of each other's firsts."

"Ah..." If there were a correct way to respond to that, I wished it'd hurry up and drop out of the sky because I was at a total loss.

Chase's inspection let up enough to give me a little breathing room before he stood. My eyes immediately lined up with another equally intense body part. Don't look, don't look. Dammit.

He chuckled, his face softening. "We're getting way too serious here. Would you agree?"

"God, yes." My original intent to hurl everything at him only seemed to backfire on me.

"Do you have any games?"

"Games? Like in board?"

Chase sat down and guzzled his beer. "Yeah. Anything you've got will work."

He smiled, a boyish grin that didn't make me want to run and hide. Instead, it made the surrounding air lighter, and the room much more comfortable to be in.

"You're in luck," I said, smiling back. Stacks of them were still piled high in my office. Board games, huh? Never saw that coming.

I went through the kitchen, swiping a saucy pepper to munch on along the way. The computer was the first thing I noticed upon entering the room, but I had no desire to take a peek. I went straight to the games, grabbing the first box off the top. I hadn't played one of these in who knew how long and had no preference.

I came back, setting Bunked on the coffee table. "Ever play this one?" I asked.

"Nope."

"Me neither." I adjusted the table, so it fit evenly between the two couches. I wasn't ready to have him share one with me yet. A little space between us was a necessary thing.

He shook the top lid loose. "Perfect. Another first." His lips curved, and I felt that warm tingle spread up my neck. What was it about this guy?

Chase scanned the directions briefly, then tossed them aside. "You did not read those already," I said.

"It's pretty simple. We read a card, and the other says if it's true or bunk. You get an extra point if you can give the correct answer to a bunk question. The one with the greatest amount of points wins." He set the stack of cards on the table, along with the timer. He picked up the top card. "So, tell me, Jillian--has Milwaukee always been your home base?"

I laughed. "That is not one of the cards."

"It's a warm-up question." Chase slipped down to the floor, propping his back against the couch. He spread his legs a bit and rested his forearms on his knees. The position flustered me. Not to mention he was closer now.

"Born and raised. Honestly, I couldn't imagine living anywhere else." Chase nodded. "What about you?" I asked.

"Lived in Madison till I was five, been here ever since." He flipped the timer over. "The scientific name for a wolf is Canid Lupis."

"Wait, what?" He pointed to the timer. Oh, we're playing the real game now. "Um, fact."

"Bunk. The correct name is Canis Lupis."

I shook my head. Close enough. Geez. I picked up a card, waiting for the sand to run out. He'd never get this. I started the timer and read, "The medical term for red blood cell is derived from a Latin word."

"Bunk. It's Greek."

Humph. I handed him two chips and took another sip of beer. Of course, what was I thinking? If this was a game about useless facts, he'd remember way more than me. He'd only been out of school for... Nope, not going there.

"You mentioned you work a lot. What is it that you do?"

"Another warm-up question?" Chase smiled and raised the bottle to his lips. I was entranced for several seconds too long before looking away. "Nothing as exciting as you." I froze, but he didn't seem to notice my Freudian slip. "I'm a recruiter for financial advisors. I started the business two years ago and have been working my butt off since. But I guess that's the secret to my success." I reached over and tapped the back of the card he held in his hand. "Now for the real question, please."

"The oldest written language is Sumerian."

I had this one. "Bunk. It's Sanskrit."

"Fact, it's Sumerian."

"What? Let me see that." I snatched the card. Damn. I'd never been the least bit competitive with these games, but I just wanted to kick his ass. I picked up the next card in line and groaned. Come on, why couldn't I get easy ones like this? "Why'd you decide to teach music?" I asked, delaying the sure win.

"To follow my passion."

I tucked my legs up underneath me. "And music's your passion or teaching?"

"Music. Although, teaching others to love it as I do ranks right up there."

A pleasant chill snaked through me. I liked talking to him; he resonated with me. That was the problem. I tried reaching for a new card, but his hand covered mine and I jolted, causing some of my beer to splosh out.

"Just what do you think you're doing?" he said.

"This question is unfair. I need to get a different one."

"Doesn't work that way."

I pulled my hand away before he burned a hole in it, wondering why it'd even taken me that long. Torrents of conflicting emotions ran through me, and as much as it pained me to admit it, I just wanted him to take charge like he did the other night. I was so attracted to him it hurt, and I wanted to be put out of my misery.

I took a deep breath and scooted back a bit. Pretty soon, I'd be swallowed into the cushions. There wasn't much farther I could go. "Fine. A heptatonic is a musical scale with five notes per octave."

"Fact."

I scrunched my face, and he started laughing. "Stop cheating. You know very well the answer's seven."

"I don't think that qualifies as cheating. Come on, let me have another one and give me a chance to catch up."

"You're already ahead."

"Then we should be exploring ways for you to get more points."

Dammit, Chase. I couldn't tell if he was suggestive on purpose, but the entire room was pinging with electricity. Little sparks crackled over my skin, and I almost feared his touch again. I drained the rest of my bottle. "Then you should read me another question."

If he was waiting for me to make some kind of move, I just couldn't do it. That'd be consenting to my inappropriate attraction, and I preferred to live in denial. As long as I didn't pursue him, I'd be okay. 'Keep the delusion casual' should be my mantra.

"The Lira is the official currency of Italy."

Ha! About time. "Bunk. It was before the euro. Of course I know that because...." Because that's where Daniel is right now.

Chase cocked his head, but when I didn't finish my sentence, he put the card down and handed me two chips. "You know, you never did answer me that night when I asked what moved you more deeply, lyrics or music?"

"It depends. I can be equally affected by either." I thought about it, glad for the distraction. "Words connect me with the song, but the sound can change the whole meaning, despite the lyrics. A haunting tone can give upbeat words a different message and vice versa."

He was studying me again, and I wasn't sure how to interpret it. "Are you following your passion, Jillian?"

"I don't know what you mean."

"Your recruiting business. Is that what you love?"

I was a bit taken aback. It was a job, a career. How many people truly loved their job? Chase was one of the lucky exceptions. "I wouldn't exactly say love, but I'm damn good at it."

I grabbed a card and read, "Plants store energy in their roots."

"Bunk. It's leaves." I tossed two more chips at him. "So, when you're not sucked into work, what do you do for fun? Besides sleeping with passionate music teachers and avoiding said music teachers at ballparks."

I jerked my head up, and he smiled. I narrowed my eyes at him. Not funny. "Ah..." Would it sound pathetic to say that work mainly was my fun? Sure, I saw Perry when I could and had those weekly family meals, but since the divorce--and the year prior--I'd buried myself. "I rake leaves and shovel snow."

"That must be how you got such a beautiful body."

I tensed. Something about the word 'beautiful' threw me off. Not 'sexy' or 'fucking hot' or any of the other adjectives he could have used to get the point across, but beautiful. It was the way he said it too. The perfect marriage of lyrics and music, and my emotions spiraled into one giant clusterfuck.

"Do you want another beer?" I said.

"I'm good."

I looked toward the window at the darkened skies. The rain held off, but the wind was still going strong. Plenty of circulation was swirling around that room. Maybe a bit too much. I inched away from Chase, hoping I didn't make my discomfort too obvious. His scent was noticeable, and I found that odd. Unless a smell was unpleasant, I usually didn't detect it that strongly. And it was definitely the opposite of unpleasant. It made me want to spread my body all over him and take it for my own.

"Are you wearing any cologne?"

"No, why?"

Damn. I was afraid of that. "Just wondering." I sucked in my bottom lip. "So, do you play anything else, besides acoustic?"

"Bass. Piano. A little violin. You?"

I shook my head. "How long have you been with that little school? It seems different." I looked up, thinking of the word. "Trusting." Daniel had gone to public school, and I was used to buzzers and metal detectors and much more security. I'd just walked in that day like it was nothing.

Chase laughed. "Yeah, it's like a big family. Been there a couple years. I'm fortunate to be part of a place that values the arts so highly."

"And you do private lessons there in the summer?"

He nodded. "They're cool with that. And it's much better than using my apartment since I share it with two other guys. I'm already there anyway teaching summer school a few days a week. Either that or holding softball practice."

I thought of Perry's niece. "But Emily doesn't go there, yet you're her coach."

"It's a rec league. About half the kids are from the school and half live in the area."

I felt like I was starting to ask way too many questions--even if I didn't get that impression from him--but I really was interested. I liked Chase, I really did. I just didn't want to like him. "Where's my next question?" I said. "I need a chance to beat you here."

"Lion prides have one male and multiple females."

"Fact."

"Bunk. They can also have multiple males."

Argh. I guess I wasn't up on my animal orgies. The next couple dozen questions weren't much better. I did manage to get some right, and Chase appeared to truthfully get some wrong, but he still outnumbered me by at least two to one.

A big grin broke out on his face when he picked up my next card. Great, probably something about the mating habits of protozoa. I still remembered some things from school, just not all these little details. Unfortunately, this game did not take life experience into account.

"Stevie Nicks's real name is Stella."

"Ooh! Bunk. Her real name is Stephanie Lynn Nicks."

"Nice." He handed over two chips. "It says here you can get extra points and take the win if you sing one of her songs."

"It does not say that." I tried to grab the card, but he yanked it back.

"You're really going to pass up the chance to take me down?"

Before I knew it, I was belting out "Leather and Lace." I'm not sure why I picked that song, especially because it was meant as a duet, but I'd always loved it. I had a lot of fun with it, making it part of the game, but when I finished, the silence was deafening.

Did I miss something here? Why is Chase gaping at me?

"Holy fuck, Jillian. You told me you didn't play an instrument."

"That's because I don't."

"What do you call that set of pipes?"

I shrugged. I knew I could sing halfway decent, but so could a lot of people. "I was just playing the game." I smiled wide. "I win."

"Hell, yeah, you do. I want to learn more about that secret weapon of yours."

"It's a voice, Chase. And there's not much to say about it."

"You looked like you were lovin' the hell out of that song. Now that's what I mean about passion. How often do you use it? I can't picture you singing every day to the suits."

"You're right about that."

"You already admitted you don't love what you're doing. Why didn't you pursue what you do love?"

As if it were that easy. His youthful idealism was showing, blatantly whacking me on the head. "Because that's not always realistic, Chase. I was in the music program at UWM for a couple years but had to drop out because of... responsibilities. That's the way life works sometimes."

I was starting to feel uneasy. I never had these types of conversations with Mike. He thought it was frivolous to continue studying something he considered impractical to daily life. We had a family to raise, and we didn't sit around talking about passions and chasing after personal dreams.

Chase looked like he wanted to say more but kept quiet. I was thankful for that until he advanced closer, ending up on my couch. My couch. What was wrong with his? It was perfectly comfortable. The heat from his body radiated over, and my heart rate took a flying leap. It must have gotten stuck on the ceiling because it was not coming down.

"You want to kiss me right now," he said.

"What?" What?

"Fact or bunk?"

"I already won the game," I said with a barely-working mouth. I looked at his lips without intending to, then trailed up to his eyes, making two mistakes in a row.

"Fact or bunk?" he asked again.

I was not drunk but wished I were. I wished I were so blitzed that I was passed out cold. I was pleasantly tipsy, and that was the worst thing to be right now. Not that stone-cold sober had worked too well in my favor either. I had the feeling that nothing short of complete avoidance would save me from Chase Nolan.

"Why are you doing all this?" I whispered. "Why didn't you just leave it at one night? Why did you make me want to give you my number?"

I could have gone on and on... Why do I feel something for you? Why didn't I say no to dinner? Why did I invite you over, and why did I want to? Why do you have to be so young?

And why do I want to kiss you so freaking badly?

He touched the side of my face with the backs of his fingers, so lightly it burned. I felt the sensation travel down, and I closed my eyes, heat searing through me.

"I didn't leave it, Jillian, because I didn't want to. And after seeing you again in my classroom, I knew you felt the same. Do you know how easy it would have been for me to get your correct number? I could have checked around, but I didn't want to do that. I wanted you to be the one to give it to me." He took his hand away. "Now I believe you owe me an answer."

I had one more chance to keep it together. He already said the next kiss was up to me, so if I didn't agree to it, he wouldn't do it. I nibbled on my lips. I was afraid how much I wanted it; I craved so much more than his lips against mine. It would start with one kiss, but it wouldn't end there.

"Fact." His body was achingly close. "But does wanting something make it right?"

"All because of a little age difference?"

Little? "You don't understand, Chase." I didn't even understand why I was sitting there, stewing in my own juices, ready to bubble over just because he was near. There was a connection I couldn't fathom. He was my siren song. "Since you wanted to continue playing, I'll make another wager. I'll kiss you if you can name my favorite love song."

I could have just said no without the games, but I was being a coward. Taking the easy way out. He wouldn't guess it, and that would be that. It'd end before it even began.

He leaned over and lifted my hair, just like he did that day he'd asked me to dinner. A chill went through me the same way too, and I shivered. "Wild Horses."

I jerked back. "Wait, what?" There was no freaking way.

"Is that another fact, Jillian?" He was smiling, but it wasn't in that cute, charming way. It was in that sexy, 'I want to eat you' way.

"How...?"

"You were humming it on the Sky Glider. Since it is a love song, although a sad one, I took a chance. I guess it paid off in spades."

"I don't see it as sad. I see it as love eternal. I...."

His mouth moved to mine, but our lips didn't touch. "Okay, Jillian. I'll go with your interpretation."

My body was thumping hard, fully in the present, as my mind raced back to that night. "But it was probably only seconds." And I was humming quietly. And what the hell? That song was way before his time. It was barely mine.

"Lucky for me I pay attention." The distance between us narrowed, shocking my mind back at breakneck speed.

"No, lucky for me," I said, tilting forward enough to make that first brief contact. My body got its way. I didn't care anymore; I wanted this, and I wasn't going to fight it.

Chase tangled his fingers in my hair, drawing me in deeper. I parted my lips for him, and his tongue entwined with mine, sharing my breath and giving me every reason to take it further. Taking away every reason to stop.

I moaned into his mouth, and his kiss went lower, dancing down my neck. Soft lips hard on my skin, licking and nibbling, turning me into a throbbing mass of hypersensitive nerves. His scent drove me insane. He drove me insane.

A sharp bang on the door made me jerk. Chase pulled away and the absence of him covered me like a dark cloud. I wanted him back immediately. "Are you going to get that?" he asked, his lips swollen from devouring me.

I shook my head, thinking of all the other places his mouth still needed to go. He smiled and closed back in. I was so ready to be smothered by a slab of steel.

The front door flew open. "Surprise!"

I jumped clean out of my skin, landing in the middle of the living room. Once I collected my wits, I stormed over to Perry, ready to take away her key privileges forever.

"Fireworks were canceled, so I got to come even earlier. See," she said, dropping down to a hushed tone, "I told you it was the perfect plan."

Yes, perfect.

Fucking perfect.

#

I sat on the cat-shredded chair and watched the rain pelting from the corner of my sunroom/office. I rubbed my hands against the stained arms; it was trashed, but too comfortable to get rid of. Mr. Waffles was no longer with us, but he'd left his mark on the house, namely this chair that he'd used as his scratching post. Being Daniel's bud, I couldn't help but smile every time I sat in it.

A peal of thunder rattled the huge windows around me, reminding me that this was probably the least safe place to be during a storm, but it was also my favorite. I curled my legs underneath me, rested my head back, and enjoyed the show.

I couldn't remember the last time I'd been alone on the Fourth. My choice, but still... it felt odd. Every year, the party started here. We'd grill out and hang outside, playing volleyball, shooting the Frisbee around, whatever. And then we'd walk down to Candle Park for the festivities before the fireworks blew off. When Daniel was younger, we'd start the day even earlier by going to the parade in the morning.

This was also the first year everything got rained out. The city would reschedule at a later date, probably next weekend if the weather cooperated. I took a sip of coffee and glanced over at my computer. I could squeeze in some work today too if the mood struck, but for now, I was content to watch my driveway flood.

Speaking of flooding....

I ground my palm against my temple, trying to blot out the previous night. Once my boiling point had lowered, dropping down to a simmer, I was somewhat rational again. Chase left shortly after Perry arrived, and Perry left shortly after that. She and I talked for a bit, but then I told her it was fine to get back to Stephen. I was fine. Never better. Her plan was indeed perfect.

That plan had stopped me from making the kind of mistake I'd regret in the morning. If she hadn't arrived when she did, I could have been sitting on that stringy chair beating myself up instead of savoring my alone time.

God, Chase... I guzzled the rest of the cup, feeling the burn coat my throat. His touch was still on me as if it had branded its mark. I ran my fingers over my neck, mimicking the course of his lips. Trembling, I drew more tightly into a ball and let my brain go nuts.

If he were nothing more than a hard form with a harder cock, I'd be able to kick him out of my mind easier. Maybe. But only after duking it out with the rest of me from the head down. He was able to make me feel in a way I'd never experienced before, and that wasn't easily forgotten.

I reveled in the memory. Yes, my body had been begging for some attention, and yes, it'd been teetering on the brink of desperation. But there's desperate, and then there's desperate. I wasn't senile yet. I wouldn't drink a can of cheap malt liquor and mistake it for a Spotted Cow.

So despite the physical and sexual perfection that was Chase, the real danger was in what lay beneath. I actually liked the guy. I enjoyed his company even though nothing good could come of it. I loved that he taught music; learning that was more of a turn-on to me than seeing him perform on stage. I wanted him to be young and stupid and an asshole and a complete fuck-up instead of just plain... young.

I liked him, and it was killing me.

"Nachos are done," I yelled over the whirl of the blender, pulling the tray from the oven. Before I'd even set it on the stove, Stephen was there piling up his plate. "Take some out for Tony and Val too."

Perry popped behind me, munching on a cookie and holding out a drink. "Here, try this one. It's hardly sweet at all."

I took a sip and gave a thumbs-up. Heavy on the tequila, light on the syrup. Perry had been whipping up margaritas, and all the ones she'd made so far nearly sent me into a coma. I was in the mood for something other than beer, so this was perfect. I cut a wedge of lime, squeezing and dropping it into my glass.

"About time," she said, finishing off the cookie and grabbing a loaded tortilla chip. "Damn, woman. You're hard to please."

I smiled, going back to the counter to chop up tomatoes for the next round. I paused for a second. Hacking up veggies brought forth a memory, but I pushed it aside easily. Nearly a week and I was doing great. Chase was fading away quite nicely.

"Did you hear from Chase yet?"

I sighed. "No, Perry. I told you that the other day."

"Just thought I'd ask again." She hopped up on the counter and stuck her hand in the black olive can. "We haven't had the chance to talk much since I crashed your party of two."

"You texted or called me every day."

"Yeah, but you didn't have anything good to tell me."

"And I still don't."

I shook tortilla chips onto the pan and doused them with cheese. I planned to make only one more batch since there were only the five of us here and I didn't want to go overboard. Stephen already had corn and burgers on the grill.

"At least it's a sunny day, and they didn't have to postpone the festival again," I said.

"Stop changing the subject."

Perry started swinging her legs back and forth, and I stilled them with my hand. She reminded me of Daniel when he was small and hopped up on sugared cereal.

"You guys coming out or what?" Stephen called from the back door.

"As soon as I'm done in here. I'm making one more batch." I sprinkled tomatoes and olives over the top, leaving the green onions off this time since Perry claimed to gag on them.

"And we're finishing up our girl time," Perry shouted.

"Hey," I said, pulling aside the hair from my forehead. "What do you think?"

She waved her hand. "Don't listen to that bratty kid. He had snot running out of his nose. Your forehead is not that big."

"What? No." I wasn't talking about that little boy on my mother's block who called me fivehead during our walk last week. "I'm talking about this." I poked my finger between my brows.

Perry peered closer. "Um, what am I looking at?"

"That monster line I had. It's smaller, don't you think?"

"What the fuck are you talking about?"

I slid the pan into the oven and then went to the fridge to pull out the watermelon I'd sliced up earlier. "Michelle told me about this little trick to smooth out brow lines. I've been sticking on tape every night before bed to prevent me from crunching up my brows while I sleep."

"Who's Michelle?"

"My neighbor behind me, remember?"

"I thought her name was Mabel." I shook my head. "Well, she looks like a Mabel. And what're you doing taking wrinkle advice from someone who could pass for your grandmother?"

"God, Perry. She doesn't look that old." I started loading up the dishwasher; I might as well clean up while we were waiting.

"I don't even notice any lines on you."

"Then it's working."

I grabbed a towel underneath the sink to wipe up all the water I'd somehow splashed on the floor. The tiles were cracking, and I made a mental note to look into getting them replaced.

"Don't you realize how good you look? I don't get why you're even doing these things." I looked up to see her sucking on a piece of watermelon. Give it ten more years and she would. "I bet Chase would agree." I stood up and threw the towel in the sink. "Why don't you just call him?"

I took a long chug of my margarita; it was going down nice and easy. "Perry, I told you already I'm glad I haven't heard from him. I don't want to hear from him. Why in the world would I call him?"

"You're lying to yourself, you know."

I tossed my head back. She could be exasperating at times. "No, I'm not. I think he's a great guy, and I like being around him. I accept that. But I also know that he and I are a disaster waiting to happen. It's already gone further than it should have. And if he does happen to ever contact me, I will tell him that too. But as it stands right now, things are in a good place. Hopefully, I've seen the last of Chase Nolan."

"You are such a stubborn ass."

I turned on the oven light, peeking inside. Good enough. It was too nice of a day to stay cooped up in the house any longer. With the windows open and the fans on, it was pretty bearable--even Perry wasn't bitching about it--but there was nothing like being in the fresh air on a picture-perfect afternoon. And tomorrow, I was making time to work on that damned air conditioner. It was at the top of my list.

Perry sprung off the counter. "Jills, your mood that night spoke volumes. Here I thought I was doing you a favor by coming over early--I know how whacked out you get sometimes--but that look in your eye... I thought you were going to come after me with a steak knife. You definitely wanted to be a part of the coming disaster then."

I grasped her shoulders and stared her down. "Can we drop this, please? I was caught up in the moment, but I truly am relieved that you showed up when you did. So thank you. I had a great week, got a shit ton of work done, made a new commission, and pushed Chase from my mind. And on the off-chance that he hasn't decided I have too much baggage, I'll make it all clear to him."

I let go of her and pulled a stack of plates from the cupboard. I was hoping that my rambling confessions that night had sunken in once he'd left. Chase was probably freaking out about being the first dick to grace a divorcée in years.

Good. He should be freaked out.

I balanced plates, utensils, and watermelon in one hand and nachos in the other. "Coming?" I asked her.

"I'm just gonna mix up another pitcher first."

I nodded then headed to the back door, elbowing it open. I set everything down on the table underneath the umbrella. The patio appeared even bigger without all the people milling about. I had a great space for entertaining, but it was a light crowd this year. Probably because the holiday celebration wasn't actually on a holiday. It wasn't even worth setting up the volleyball net.

"So, what were you and Perry talking about?"

I glanced over at my brother, who had sidled up next to me. "Oh, she was just telling me how she's thinking about breaking it off with you. There's this other guy who asked her out and..." The look on his face made me stop. I almost felt guilty, but he deserved it. "Geez, you know I'm kidding, but--"

"I know, I know," he whispered. "I'm in the middle of planning out the whole night. I'm gonna do it up right, make it special. She'll love it."

I grasped his chin and shook hard. "She loves you. Stop making her wait."

"Yes, Mom."

I pulled up a chair alongside Tony and Val while Stephen tended to the grill. Luckily, they were always more my friends than Mike's, so I got to keep them after the divorce.

We chatted for a while, and I was just about to check on Perry before she barreled through the door. "Who needs a refill?" She had a frothy pitcher in one hand and a tall glass in the other. She handed me the glass. "Made another one just for you since you're the only one who doesn't know what tastes good."

"Thank you." I took a sip, and my entire body shuddered. "Are you trying to kill me here?" She'd gone to the other extreme and made it lethal.

"Stop being such a baby. At least it's not sweet." She topped my glass off with a bit of the stuff from the pitcher. "There, that should help."

"Yeah, a quarter inch will make all the difference." I tried it again and had the same reaction. I swore it was straight tequila with maybe one whole ice cube thrown in. I raised my eyebrow. "Are you trying to get me drunk?"

"Quit whining and just drink it."

Perry re-filled the others' drinks, then went over to Stephen. They were a striking couple. They'd have some beautiful babies together someday. My brother shared the same fair coloring as me; Perry was the photo negative with her rich coffee-colored hair. His light to her dark.

I took one more baby sip before getting up to dilute it with something. Perry was right on my heels, following me inside. "Whatcha doing?"

"If I don't water this down, I won't even make it to the fireworks."

"Hmph. And you said you can handle your liquor." She took the glass from me and mixed in a little more water and some lime juice. "There. Good enough."

"What was wrong with the first one you made me?" I squinted at her; she was acting strange all of a sudden.

"Just eat something and you'll be fine. Now let's go."

Perry clamped on to my arm and steered me out of the kitchen. I stopped hard, almost dumping the drink down my shirt. "What is going on with you?" I asked.

She eyed me up and down. "Now that you mention it, are you going to wear that?"

"I didn't mention anything. And I think you're cut off for the night." I made it out to the patio and paused. "Wait, what exactly is wrong with what I'm wearing?" I glanced down at my shorts and T-shirt. She basically had on the same thing.

"It should be more patriotic."

"You're wearing pink."

"Well, yes, but we're talking about you. You should go put on that red dress that looks so awesome on you."

"You want me to put on a strapless evening gown to go lie in the grass?" I shook my head, then went to make a plate. The food was done and spread over the table. I was starving, and the alcohol was starting to catch up with me.

Perry rolled her eyes. "It's still a summer gown. Picky, picky."

I sighed, chalking up her behavior to Perry just being Perry on sugary drinks and left it at that. I was feeling too good to worry about it. It was a perfect day in the sunshine with people I love. Comfort food and the kind of conversation that made you bust a gut. I'd finished most of my glass before I knew what hit me. I think what tipped me off was playing Frisbee; I kept throwing it to myself instead of the other person.

"Lemme just grab my purse," I said when it was time to head to the park. Everyone made sure all the windows were closed, and the fans were off. The food was all back inside and put away. We were good to go. "I need my phone too." I scanned the area where I'd last left it, but it wasn't there.

"Why don't you check your purse?" Perry said. I peered inside, and yes, it was there. I frowned. I knew for sure I'd left it on the spare table. She tugged on my arm. "Come on; we gotta go."

Fortunately, I lived within walking distance, and all we needed to carry were a couple blankets. And bug spray. Lots of it. The mosquitoes would be out in hoards after all that rain we had.

The five of us set out for Candle Park. Tony and Val had to cut out early before the fireworks, so they'd walk back on their own after the festival. It was just a little something extra the city put together: bands, beer, bouncy houses.

Seeing the madhouse of cars made me thankful I lived so close; it was tough to find parking around here. We walked through the entrance and made a beeline for the hill to claim our spots. After spreading out the blankets, Perry hauled me away again.

"Let's get some cotton candy."

"Seriously?"

She stuck her tongue out at me. "You can get something boring like water." Actually, that did sound pretty good. I had a shitload of alcohol floating around in me, and I was feeling mighty fine, but why tempt it? The tides could turn in the blink of an eye, and then my entire night would be in the toilet. Literally.

Perry led me toward one of the concession stands that had dozens of kids swarming around. I scanned the area and pointed to one of the others. "That one is much less crowded."

"Nah, this one is better. What, are you in a hurry or something? We still have a good two hours before it's dark yet."

I scrunched my face. "Oh-kay." So, she was a cotton candy connoisseur now?

The music started back up, and I tapped my thighs as we waited in line. I remembered this band; they were here last year too, but I couldn't place the name. Just a local cover band, but decent enough.

We finally made it to the front and placed our order. Perry started darting her head around as if she had some nervous tic. "Sugar withdrawals?"

"Ha-ha, funny."

The teenager working behind the counter was acting a little too helpful as he handed Perry the pink and blue cone. He fumbled with the napkins, shoving them into her hands and knocking over the straw dispenser in the process. I snickered; she could cause a commotion wherever she went without even trying.

I snatched the bottle of water before the kid could impress her by opening it. I didn't want to be wearing it all over me. Unfortunately, I guess it's true that you attract what you don't want.

I twisted off the cap, turned around, and plowed straight into Chase.

#

"Wow, you've sure been swearing a lot lately. That's usually my department."

"Just explain to me what the fuck is going on, Perry."

I yanked her down with me onto the blanket, and now that it was just the two of us, I needed her to start explaining. I might have pulled her all the way over by her ear; I couldn't remember. My head was swimming.

Perry looked guilty as hell. "Well...."

"You can start by telling me why the fuck Chase thought I was meeting him here."

After colliding with all the chiseled ripples, I thought I was going to die right there. Chase, on the other hand, acted as if it was the most natural thing in the world. As if us being in the same frickin' park together at the same frickin' time was planned. He introduced me to his two roommates before they went to get a beer, and I took that chance to excuse us for a moment.

She pinched her thumb and index finger together. "I may have a teensy, weensy confession to make."

I dropped my head in my hands. I was spinning, and it had nothing to do with the tequila. The tequila. I jerked up. "You were trying to get me drunk!"

"I was not. I was trying to lower your inhibitions. There's a difference." I watched Stephen shoot around the football with our friends. At least he was occupied. I couldn't believe this was happening. "Besides, even if you were drunk, it wouldn't matter. I've known you a long time, and you wouldn't do anything you wouldn't normally do and blame it on alcohol. Now, what you might do is loosen up enough to do something you reeeally want to do." She waggled her finger at me. "Remember that tonight."

I placed my palms over my eyes and rubbed hard. My head was growing murkier by the second. I felt something drop into my lap. I moved my hands away and saw my phone sitting there.

"Take a look."

"Perry, what did you do?"

"Just look at your texts."

Fuck. The first thing I noticed was a missed call at 4:32. Chase. I tabbed over to my texts and saw one from him shortly after that:

Can I see you tonight?

Immediately after: Not a date.

And then....

"Goddammit, Perry. How in the hell is there a reply from me when I didn't reply?"

"Um...."

I took a deep breath and read: We're going to Candle Park around 7. Meet you?

I'll be there, he answered.

I opened my mouth, but nothing came out. Where did I even start? She pointed at the screen. "See, I even said 'we're going' instead of 'I'm going' to make it a little ambiguous. I didn't outright lie and say it was from you."

"Why wouldn't he think it was from me? It was sent from my fucking phone!" I fell back on the blanket and crossed my arms over my face.

I felt her beside me. "I'm sorry, Jills, but I thought this was one of those times where it was better to act first and explain later, so please let me explain." She paused, and when I didn't say anything, she continued. "Chase called while you were outside, and I was just going to ignore it. I swear. But then he texted, and it was right there for me to see... I was going to tell you, but then I knew how stubborn... er, adamant you were about never seeing him again. I didn't want you to mess things up. I know you like him, and I want you to be happy, and I'm sure that if you keep getting to know him better, you'll start seeing past the age difference."

I groaned. I wished I didn't love her so much so I could hate her.

She twirled my hair around in her fingers. "Again, I'm so sorry, Jills. I was only doing it for you, but you're really confusing. I don't always know exactly what to do. You get pissed off when I bring you two together and pissed off when I break you two apart."

I dropped my arms and turned toward her, my insides swirling. "I can tell you exactly what to do: Stop meddling. Please. I'm begging you here, Perry. Do. Not. Meddle. No more chance meetings. No more pretending to be me. No more anything having to do with Chase."

She crossed her heart. "I won't. I swear on our friendship. I'm done now. The rest is up to you."

I believed her, but it was still fucked up. "The red dress? Seriously?" Well, at least everything made sense now.

She giggled. "Yeah, that was a little over-the-top, huh? It was probably good that you didn't take my advice and change."

"Right. Because I was really close to doing that." I rolled my eyes, and she giggled again. After the adrenaline spike I just went through, I was coming down into a state of mellow. "Oh, Perry. What am I supposed to do now?" I said softly. I had to explain to Chase that it wasn't me who wanted to see him tonight, and that made me feel like an idiot.

"I don't think it was a coincidence he called today when you weren't available to shoot him down. I think it was supposed to work this way."

I raised my eyebrows. "You were meant to impersonate me? Come on, Perry. This isn't some star-crossed lovers' fate crap."

She shrugged just as two tall bodies approached from either side. Chase on our right and Stephen on our left. Perfect.

We bolted up to a sitting position, and Chase smiled. "Hey," he said.

"Hi." I flicked over to Stephen. His jaw was set as he fired off glances to Chase. I couldn't tell if he recognized him from the game or was just suspicious.

"Chase, this is my brother, Stephen. Stephen, this is Chase... uh, a friend of mine. And of course, you already know Perry."

They shook hands, and Perry whispered in my ear, "I'll take care of him."

She jumped up and wrapped her arms around Stephen, hauling him away. Chase sat down beside me on the blanket, and I scooted over. Dulled senses were no protection; my body was already zinging to life. Hmm.... What shade were those irises today?

"You looked like you had a 'deer in headlights' moment when you saw me here."

"Yeah, about that..." I told him about the mix-up but refrained from mentioning the 'never seeing him again' part. When he was next to me, my steadfastness wavered. Everything conflicted inside, seizing logic by the throat. What I wanted and what I should want was never more at odds.

In short, I was a mess.

"So, how would you have responded to me?"

"I don't know." That was the honest truth. I could make determinations before the fact, but would I have ended up caving? I didn't know. "Where's your roommates, ah... Trevor and...?" I couldn't remember their names. I'd been a little distracted when Chase had mentioned it.

"Trevor and Connor. They're in the beer tent. Look, Jillian. I can go; it's no problem. I'm not here to fuck up your plans."

I glanced around. Where were Tony and Val? I hoped they hadn't left without saying goodbye, but if so, I didn't blame them. They probably didn't want to get in the middle of my drama session.

"No, don't go," I said. "I mean, if you have to get back to your friends, that's one thing, but don't make me be the reason you leave."

I meant it too. I wanted him there on that blanket with me. Maybe Perry's devious lowered inhibitions plan was working, but whatever. It felt good right now, and to all the passersby, there wouldn't be anything usual about us sitting there in the middle of a festival waiting for the fireworks to start.

"All right," he said.

We sat in silence, and it wasn't awkward. He sipped beer from his plastic cup, and I watched all the kids running around making designs in the air with their sparklers.

Chase leaned over just a tad, but enough to send a fresh blast through me. Dynamic green. That's the color I'd chosen for him today. "They're going to have karaoke soon." I nodded. They had it every year; a big hit with the kids and the wasted. "Do a duet with me."

"What?" I turned and stared at him. The gold was hiding in there somewhere. "You sing too?"

"Not one of my strengths but no one would be paying any attention to me anyway."

"I'll pass." Talk about bringing attention to ourselves.

"Then a private show it is."

My heart somersaulted, and I was about to ask him what he meant by that when Perry waltzed over. She stuck out her bottom lip. "Stephen just got summoned. He's on the phone now. Another stupid fucking work problem. And on a holiday too. Fucking slave drivers."

"Well, technically it's not a holiday, but it still sucks. I'm sorry," I said. "Hopefully, it'll get wrapped up soon."

"No, that's the problem. He has to go back home and log on. I'm just coming over to let you know. I'm going with him."

"You're leaving too? Why?" But as soon as I said it, I knew very well why. She wanted me and Chase to have this time. "Where's Tony and Val?"

"Oh, they left a while ago. They said good-bye." Ugh. I felt bad for not spending much time with them. "No big deal," she said.

I fumbled for my stuff. "I'll walk back with you guys."

"Absolutely not." Perry put her hands on her hips. "Stay for the fireworks. It's not your fault that your brother has so many issues. Chase, can you make sure Jills gets home okay?"

What? I didn't need a damned keeper. This was my neighborhood, it was a mere ten-minute walk, and I only had a couple blankets and bug spray to carry. "That won't be necessary. Chase isn't here to babysit me." That actually made me chuckle a bit. Irony, anyone?

"No problem at all," he said. "I'd be happy to."

I squeezed my fists, then released. I didn't have time to argue, not when I had a full bladder screaming at me. That took precedence. I stood up and swooned a little, and Perry steadied me. I didn't think it was too noticeable, but still... Maybe it wouldn't be the worst idea to have a little help. I didn't want to miss the show but leaving now made the most sense.

I hugged Perry and said into her ear, "I'm coming with you guys, but I really need to pee first."

"You know those lines, Jills. Stephen can't wait that long. There's only so much he can do on the phone; he needs to be in front of his laptop."

I squeezed my thighs together and sucked in my abdomen. "There's no way I can wait either. I'll never be able to walk home like this." I started to hop a bit. This was ridiculous. "I gotta go now."

"I can drive all of you back," Chase said, and I brightened. That sounded like a great idea.

"Thanks, but by the time we get to your car and get home, it'll be that much time anyway. And you'll never get back into the parking lot at this hour. They start blocking off the streets." She kissed my cheek. "No, just go to the damn bathroom, Jills. We're leaving. Talk to you tomorrow." I'd already started to hobble away. I wasn't going to stay and hash this out anymore. I heard her say, "Take care of her, Chase."

I ground my teeth. Like I wasn't plenty old enough to take care of myself. Chase came up beside me and handed me my purse. "Here, I didn't think you'd want to leave this behind."

Ugh. "Thanks," I said. Okay, taking care of myself obviously didn't extend to my personal items.

"While you're in line, I'm just going to check in with Con and Trav."

I waved, fine. My only concern was emptying my bladder. My eyeballs were starting to drown.

Chase left when I took my place in the line; it wrapped around the side of the building and made up the stuff of nightmares. How could this park only have one public restroom? I knew I wasn't the only one in pain here, but it sure felt like it.

I spotted the porta-potties down a way to my right. The amount of people waiting there were much more manageable, and for good reason. I tried avoiding them like the plague, but desperate times....

I darted out and half-ran, half-twisted over, ending up getting in pretty quickly. I stepped inside, wishing I had a stuffed-up nose, and slid the lock to 'occupied.' God, it was disgusting. A faint light shined in through the grate on top and illuminated just enough to turn my stomach, but not enough to make me puke and add to the rest of the bodily fluids coating the seat and floor.

At that moment, I knew I wasn't completely sloshed, and God help anyone who was, coming into that urine and shit box. I shuddered to think of someone falling in there. I was able to squat and keep myself steady without touching the walls or anything else. I reached into my purse for a tissue to use as toilet paper, then got myself the hell out of there feeling five pounds lighter.

As I used the mobile hand-washing station, a familiar voice forced me to turn my head. "Mrs. Hudson?"

"Ben?" I blinked hard a few times. Nothing like seeing your son's friend to give you a big ole shot of sober. I finished up, then gave him a huge hug. The kid had probably spent more time at our house over the years than his own, and I hadn't seen him since graduation. "How are you?"

"Doing good." He shrugged. "Home for the summer, you know."

I scanned my brain. "You're going to Whitewater, right?" Ben nodded. "How're your classes going?"

"Pretty good. Still deciding on a major. Dan around? Haven't talked to him in a while."

"No, he's staying in Milan, doing a summer internship. Hoping to have him home for Christmas."

"Well, tell him I say hi next time you talk to him."

"Will do, Ben. It was nice seeing you again."

"You too. Take it easy, Mrs. Hudson."

I gave him another hug, spotting Chase coming up behind. Ben walked off, and Chase watched him leave but didn't say anything.

"That was... never mind," I said, glancing around. What if more of Daniel's friends were around? I was a little weirded out at the moment. What if they noticed Chase and me together? He was only a few years older than them. Oh, God, what if I'd caved in? I couldn't even imagine someone catching us looking a little too friendly together and reporting it back to Daniel.

"Are you okay?" That was up for debate, but I nodded. "I thought you ended up leaving without me. You weren't where I left you."

"Sorry about that. These lines were shorter. But you know"--I did another scan around me--"I would like to leave."

"Now?"

"Yes, and I really don't need an escort. I'm fine. You can stay. I'm a big girl; I'm perfectly capable of seeing myself home."

"Like hell."

"Like hell I'm a big girl, or like hell I'm capable?"

He sighed. I wasn't trying to be difficult if that's what he thought. I just didn't want anyone to see us. Until I ran into Ben, the possibility of who could be lurking about hadn't even occurred to me.

"I'm walking you home, and I don't want you giving me shit about it, Jillian." I saluted him, not in the mood to lock horns. As long as we left, I was good. The sky was growing darker by the minute. It had to be almost nine. "Let's go grab your stuff and we'll head out."

"You don't have to talk to your friends first?"

"I already did."

We went back to the grassy area, navigating through chemical clouds and hopping over people. I relentlessly smacked at mosquitoes and wondered if I needed to spray myself down just to make it out alive.

I wrapped one of the blankets around me like a shawl and Chase carried the rest. He steered me out by my arm, and once we made it to the pavement, the little bloodsuckers left us alone.

The walk home left me somewhat in a zone, and by the time we entered my driveway, it was fully dark. I glanced down to see what had me feeling really, really good.

"Have we been doing that the whole time?" I asked, commenting on my hand encased in his.

He laughed. "Yeah, pretty much. I couldn't have you stumbling and falling down on the sidewalk, could I?"

"Did we talk?"

I must have appeared a complete ditz asking those questions, but I really couldn't remember much. It'd felt like the entire walk home was in a mind-numbing fog.

"Nothing I can repeat. I don't want to get slapped."

Holy shit. What did I say? He touched my mouth; I assumed to close it, but his touch had the opposite effect. It made me want to force it open wider. Better to swallow you up, my dear.

"I'm kidding, Jillian." He stroked my cheek briefly before removing his fingers. "No, we didn't talk much at all. You were lost in your own world."

"What about the car?" It was something that just popped in my head. "I'm figuring you all drove together."

"I gave Con my keys. He's the responsible one of the two. Either I'll walk back up there, or I'll have him pick me up when they leave." He smiled. "It all depends on how long I'm needed here."

In the safety of my private driveway, in the dark of night, I could come up with plenty of ways he'd be needed. "They don't mind that you took off on them?"

"Nah. They were in the process of hooking up with some women when I found them. They're plenty occupied."

"And you didn't want to be part of that?" I wasn't asking because of a weird jealousy thing; I was just curious. He saw me home, knowing that he might not get anything in return when he could have found a little something in the beer tent. I didn't want to hold him back.

He gave me a strange look. "No, I came tonight for you."

Maybe I should make it worth his while then? I might have giggled just a little thinking about it. I wasn't even sure. He rubbed his eyebrows and shook his head a little. He probably thought I was a total whack-a-mole.

The wheels turned another crank. Hmm... Maybe he did count on getting lucky with me tonight. He did hand over his car keys before he knew I wanted to leave early. The little fucker was planning on being alone with me, even after the fireworks. I knew it. But whether or not he was betting on his dick joining the party remained undetermined. I could just ask him--he seemed honest enough. But when it came down to it, did I really care?

"Are you sure you're okay?" he asked.

I yanked my attention away from the sky and back to his face. "Yeah, why?"

"I thought I was losing you again there."

I studied his features, really absorbing myself in the shape of his eyes and the unique color of his irises. His lashes were dark and long, the kind that make women extremely envious. The kind that doesn't exist in a tube of mascara, no matter what the ads try to sell you.

I didn't turn away, didn't try to lessen the intensity that whipped through my body. My gaze traveled down over his stubbled jaw and back up to his lips. I could taste them from here, could feel their warmth. I had a brief moment of utter disbelief. This guy in front of me was gorgeous. He was fucking gorgeous, and it defied all reason.

If I had a perfect physical type, this male specimen was it. And he wanted me. That was the piece that could knock me to my ass in a heartbeat. I could be having sex with my very own pin-up model, and I wasn't jumping on it. Not just regular sex, but 'pile-drive me into next week with blackout orgasms' sex.

I shouldn't care if he had some kooky fetish, and that's why he was attracted to me. I definitely didn't care about seeing him outside the bedroom. In fact, that wasn't even an option. I resolved myself to the fact that he was young, but everyone looked the same age when the lights were out.

I brushed my fingertips over his lips while he continued to stare at me. I deserved this. I worked hard, so why shouldn't I allow myself a treat every now and then? He was a man in his early twenties, in one of the horniest stages of his life. Of course, he wouldn't turn down the chance to have meaningless, string-free sex.

And since I liked him, I could respect myself in the morning.

"Do you know what you're doing to me right now?" he said.

I had some idea. I leaned in and kissed him, confirming exactly what I was doing to him. His hard cock pressed against me, and I needed it bad.

My new plan: Have as many casual one-nighters with Chase as possible.

"You want to come inside," I said, breathing into his mouth. "Fact or bunk?"

I felt his lips curve as he fisted my hair tighter. His tongue stroked my bottom lip, eliciting a moan. It was so sensual, and I was not about to pretend he wasn't affecting me. Turning me on and making my pussy sing. His kisses extended down to the front of my neck and more shivers danced through me. What was taking him so long to answer?

"Fact or bunk?" I asked again. If he said bunk, just shoot me now.

"You know it's fact, Jillian. The answer to that question is always fact." Good. So, what are we waiting for then? I tugged his hand, intending to lead him up the steps to my front door. "Wait. I want you to have that dinner with me. Soon. I want to pick you up and take you out. To an actual restaurant."

What? No. That was not part of the plan.

Chase looked like he expected an answer, and I didn't want to give him one. Unless that answer was no, and then what? Was he holding my vagina hostage until I gave him an affirmative? I wanted to pout and stomp my feet. If it were possible for a pushing-forty-year-old to have a temper tantrum, I'd soon be on the ground pounding my fists and kicking my legs.

A thunderous boom made me jump. It was fireworks time. Within seconds, there'd be giant bursts of light filling the sky. "Come on, let's watch from the back," he said.

"What?"

A display of red and white exploded above us, then fizzled down. He was already pulling me up the steps, but instead of going through the door, we went past it.

"Have you ever watched from your house? I bet we're close enough to see them almost as well as being at the park."

"Uh, no." Even when Daniel was small, there'd never been a year we stayed home. I followed another stream of color shoot into the sky before expanding into silver snakes. They were very noticeable on my back patio, but that was beside the point. "You want to watch fireworks? Now?"

"Yeah, I do. With you." Chase sat on my widest outdoor chair, more like a loveseat, and pulled me down onto his lap. My back faced him, and I could feel his erection still going strong, poking into my ass. So, what was the problem here?

He wrapped his arms around my waist and hauled me closer to his chest. I rested my head back on his shoulder and watched the show. A red spiral collided with a yellow star, casting off little orange crescents. I was in a box of Lucky Charms. I smiled when he squeezed me tighter. I could handle this for a while. At least he wasn't bringing up the public dinner question again.

"What color is the next one?" he said. "I call purple."

"Green." It shot off, forming into a red heart. Aww... that was cute. I didn't usually see that shape. "Both wrong," I said.

He nuzzled his lips into the side of my neck. "What next? I say red."

"They just did a full red one. I pick gold." We both eyed the sky, waiting for the color to reveal itself. Red it was. What? I practically felt his gloat against my skin when a gold-spiked offshoot burst out.

"Both right," he whispered, resuming where he'd left off, turning my skin into molten lava with his mouth. He was the one who wanted to watch the pretty, loud colors in the first place, so why was he taunting me like this?

Oh, it was so on. I could play this game too. Before this night was over, I was going to be the one exploding, dammit.

I shifted back and forth in his lap, wiggling around until he stilled me. I lifted my head. "If the next one is green, you're going to let me turn around."

"Oh, I am?"

"Yes, so I can kiss you, and you can kiss me back. And then we'll see where it leads after that." Please, please, please don't ruin it by asking me out. "And I want your fajita recipe," I said as an afterthought.

He laughed just as it fired into the sky, erupting into tendrils of green. Someone up there loved me. Loved me a lot. I laughed even harder as I swung my body around and straddled him before he could stop me. And before he could say a word, I planted my lips on his.

I raked my hands through his hair this time, urging him deeper. I wanted there to be no question how much I wanted this. I'd been soaked and ready just being in his presence in my driveway. Possibly even before that. I'd dazed off on the walk home, so the hand-holding could have primed me. Hell, who was I kidding? Chase had me aroused since the first night.

His tongue danced with mine as I lowered my hands down his chest, down his stomach, relishing every bit of strength and steel that belonged to me at that very moment. Even when Mike was that age, he never felt this hard.

I palmed his cock, stroking through his shorts. The booms sounded behind me, and I wondered what colors they were now. It was the perfect distraction from the outside world. It was loud, and even though it was bright, my huge trees shielded the yard enough to afford us privacy.

"Fuck, Jillian. You have to stop."

"Why?" He didn't want to take a breather that first time. He was all over me, giving us no chance to come up for air.

I caressed harder while tugging at his zipper. I needed to feel hot skin in my hand. This was unusual for me, getting so turned on touching another. He'd barely made contact with any part of me from the neck down, yet I knew I was swollen, that I'd burst with one little brush over my clit or a few glides up and down his cock. I was a ripe peach that needed to be plucked right the fuck now.

He grasped both my hands and held them aside. His mouth didn't stop, however. My lips felt bruised and used. He sucked on my bottom lip, nipping it with his teeth before he let go and moved lower. I bared my neck for him, and he ran his tongue down. I quivered, trying to break free of my makeshift restraints.

"Are your fireworks always this long?"

Argh. Forget the damn fireworks already. "Let me touch you." I tugged my hands, getting nowhere, but what did I expect? Did I think I'd outwrestle him? "Please. I know how much you want this too. I can feel it. Let me fuck you."

He hissed through his teeth, and I knew I got to him. I took that opportunity to put my mouth to his neck to see how he liked it. I abraded my lips over his jawbone and moved my kisses down, tasting him along the way, inhaling his scent. He intoxicated me further; I couldn't pinpoint why he smelled so good, but it was dizzying.

"Are you sure you're not wearing any cologne?" The fragrance was reminiscent of the last time--pure rain mixed with fresh earth and spice. It was a bouquet of all my favorite songs tied together with a beautiful bow, and I wanted to bottle it and put it in my memory box.

"No."

"Well, it works for you. A lot." I ground my hips into him, gyrating with everything I had. "Please, Chase, just let me fuck you." I wasn't above begging right then. He craved it as much as me, of that I was certain.

A deep, throaty sound came from him, and he released my hands and slid his underneath my shirt. The front clasp of my bra popped open, and then he was touching my back, pushing me forward and into his inviting mouth. As he licked and sucked, I slipped down and freed his cock, causing a rush of cool on my breasts when he inhaled sharply.

Thick and powerful. I still couldn't get over the sheer hardness of him. I teased with light finger strokes and vigorous caresses until he ripped my hands away.

"If I'm going to come, it'll be while I'm buried deep inside you."

I nodded. Yes, now. It's about time. "Hurry," I whispered. Oh, shit. No. No No. "Do you have a condom on you?" Please. He had one last time. I mentally crossed every finger and toe.

"In my wallet. Grab it."

He palmed between my legs and massaged, a waterfall of heat and current rushing into me. I moaned, struggling to get his damned wallet out of his pocket. He wasn't helping, and with each touch, I felt more and more frustrated.

His fingers skimmed across my upper thigh and slipped underneath my shorts. Teasing me through my panties and making my breath hitch. Where was I? Dammit, I needed that rubber.

"Do you think you could come like this? With your panties still on?"

"Yes," I hissed. My insides were already vibrating. He rubbed over my clit, through the material, pinching it.

I arched my back, attempting to shift my body away. Yes, I could come, and it wouldn't take long either. But I had a deep urge to come at the same time as him.

"If I'm going to come," I told him, "I want it to be when you're buried deep inside me."

He growled, then grasped my hips and pulled me right on top of his bare cock. My shorts and panties were still on, but I freaked regardless. I was paranoid that way.

"We need that condom." I tried lifting off him. "I'm super fertile right now." I counted out the days in my head. Shit. I was probably ovulating right at that very second. I usually felt a twinge when it happened, but my entire body was twinging, so a hell of a lot of good that sign was right now. "And I'm not on anything, not since I was thirty, and I know my body so well and...."

What the fuck, Jillian? Stop talking. I was nervous, babbling away, and undoubtedly, annihilating the mood. Killing my chance of all those future hookups with him.

"That's hot."

Or not....

"Take it off," he said in a raw voice. I shimmied off him and stood, dropping my soaked panties and shorts. "Everything, Jillian."

He watched with hooded eyes as I pulled my shirt over my head, his fist wrapped around the muscle that amazed me so much. I wondered if I'd ever get used to it. If I'd feel giddy each time I saw and felt its strength. This was only the second time, but damn....

I shook my bra off my shoulders and kicked aside my insecurities. No, they were not perky twenty-year-old tits, but Chase didn't seem to mind. I focused on the way he looked at them, not on the way I did.

He took out the condom himself and rolled it on. Then he crooked his finger. "Come here." I felt a little off-balanced because he was still fully clothed while I was not. His cock was the only thing exposed, and even that was covered now. It may have been a necessity, but it was also a shame to mask something so magnificent.

God, Jillian, it's just a penis. No need to worship it like it's the cure for PMS and menopause all wrapped in one.

I straddled my knees over his lap, lowering myself until the tip penetrated me. He grasped hold of my hips and worked me down farther, inching me onto him slowly, controlling the movement until I wanted to scream.

I felt so full inside, but it wasn't enough. I wanted to jack my body against him hard, experience him completely. He gave me just a bit of leeway to undulate my torso while he played with my breasts, twisting my nipples until they ached with pleasure.

Chase took the control back, tilting me backward just enough to feel exactly what I needed. He hit me in all the right places, making me rethink the whole just-a-penis thing. It wasn't--it was a magic wand. Stroking and gliding and electrifying. Oh, God, Lord, Jesus....

"Fuck, Jillian."

His grip lessened as I cried out, the grand finale blowing off behind me and wafting the smell of gunpowder into my nose. Boom, boom, boom. The last of the holiday's pyrotechnics rapidly fired all at once, exploding along with us. How apropos.

I was fading fast, going down. I slumped forward, my forehead colliding with his shoulder. He stroked my hair as my thoughts coagulated into unintelligible clumps. I knew I had to get off of him, but why?

"Let me take you out, Jillian."

"Out?'

"I'm going to pick you up, and we're going out to dinner."

My lids felt like elephants were hanging from the lashes. They were down to my cheeks, and I couldn't lift them "No date," I mumbled.

"How could it be? You don't date younger men."

"Right."

"Is that a yes to dinner then?"

"Mmhmm."

#

I stretched my arms above me and rolled my head from side to side. I was face down and drooling all over my pillow. What time was it? My mouth tasted like someone had used it for a toilet. I kept my eyes shut a bit longer and just lay there, trying to keep up with the drum solo playing inside my head.

I dropped my arms and turned over, rubbing my hands over my upper arms. They were bare, and I had little bumps all over them. I was... cold? It'd been a while since I felt that in my bedroom. Eyes still closed, I burrowed under the blanket, trying to go back to sleep.

The heaviness in my abdomen wasn't allowing that to happen. I needed to use the bathroom, but I was chilly enough to ignore that urge as long as I could. It must have been a scorching night because I didn't sleep naked otherwise.

Before too long, my body forced me to take action. My head hurt, and I just wanted to get back to bed as soon as I could. What day was it? I tried to remember if I had to work early.

I pushed down the covers and swung my legs over the side of the bed, hopping down. I crossed my arms, my feet trudging across the wooden floors. I wasn't sticking to the ground. What was going on? Maybe there'd been a freak snow storm in July.

I rounded the corner and entered the bathroom without turning on the light, grabbing my robe off the hook. Or maybe I was still dreaming. That's why things were so weird. Oh, please, God, don't let me wake up in a puddle of pee.

I washed my hands and pinched myself twice before leaving the bathroom, deciding the odds of me still sleeping were stacked against me. I doubted I'd feel this shitty in a dream.

I reminded myself of a slug as I slogged down the hallway. I needed to get a super-sized glass of water before anything else. My tongue was nasty and had little furry animals shedding all over it. Blech.

"Morning, sunshine."

I screamed at the form that'd just materialized in front of me and almost fell backward. What the...? I squinted, and Chase came into view. What the fuck?

Bam. Bam. Bam. Pop Rocks went off in my brain, and everything rushed back to me. Tequila--bam. Cotton candy stand--bam. Fireworks--bam. Orgasm--bam. Chase--bam.

Fuck.

"Sorry." He peered closer at me. "What the hell's stuck on your face?"

Huh? I slapped around and felt the tape cemented above my brows horizontally. I hadn't even put it on correctly. I ripped it off, figuring I must have stuck it on sometime in the middle of the night without realizing. I always kept the tape easily accessible in my bedside drawer, along with my vibrator collection.

"Uh, it's nothing." Wait a frickin' minute. "Did... Did you sleep over?"

He nodded. "I wanted to make sure you were okay. Con'll be here any minute to pick me up." He smiled, and I glared at him. "I'm glad I got to see you this morning before I left."

I tugged my robe closer together and hugged myself. It was crazy that I was freezing. I looked away, knowing I resembled something the cat dragged in, but at least I fell asleep with my makeup on. It could have been worse. Although I hadn't bothered with a mirror yet, so the jury was still out on that one.

"Why's it so cold in here?" I asked.

"I fixed your a/c."

My body tensed. "You what?"

"Yeah, you were mumbling last night about it being broken and how you had to fix it." I scrunched up my face. When had I done that? "So I took a look this morning and rigged something up." He shrugged. "Simple enough. Took me all of five minutes."

"But... but I was going to do that today!" I think my voice bordered on shouting but wasn't sure if that's just how it sounded inside my skull. "I was fully capable of fixing it myself."

Chase held up his hands. "Settle down, Jillian. I know you're capable. I just thought I'd help you out a bit, that's all."

"Well, you thought wrong."

I stormed off back to my bedroom and slammed the door. I flopped on the bed, then curled into a ball. What was wrong with me? My PMS wasn't set to kick in for another week yet. Was my reaction off-the-wall irrational? Possibly the way I'd expressed it, but damn it all to Hell; that was supposed to be my project, and he took it away from me.

I closed my eyes, needing that water desperately but needing to avoid Chase even more. He said he was leaving soon anyway. I'd drink then. I clenched my fists. He had no business staying over without asking me first. Dammit, I can take care of myself.

I peeked through my lids, thinking I heard a car door. I waited a few more minutes and then padded over to the window. Nothing in the driveway. When I glanced at my clock, I noticed it was... one o'clock? Holy shit, I never slept this late. I must have dozed off again. Well, at least I knew Chase was long gone.

My gut twisted. I physically felt like crap, and I deserved it. I'd acted like a bitch to him. I went out to the kitchen and got my water, drinking three glasses in rapid succession. I noticed the full coffee pot. I went over and palmed the glass. It was cold. He obviously made it several hours ago. I dumped it and started a new one.

Sunday. It was Sunday. Sometimes I worked if the mood struck, which happened more often than not. Today would not be one of those days. I was going to plant my lazy ass down and not do a thing. Except a shower. I felt just as grimy on the outside as I did on the inside.

I threw a frozen pizza into the oven before heading to the bathroom to scrub myself clean. I'd have to bow out of the family dinner later, and that also made me feel horrible. But I had to do it; I thought it best for everyone if I remained quarantined to the house for the day.

I turned the dial as scalding as I could take and stepped underneath the water. I didn't know if I should cry or throw things or apologize. Technically, Chase didn't do anything wrong, but who did he think he was taking it upon himself to go around fixing my things? Maybe I should just give him my busted toaster to tinker with or hand over my lawn mower that needed a tune-up. Did he think he was Mr. Handyboy?

Damn, Jillian. Chase was right. I needed to settle down, to look at it with a rational eye. I dumped a wad of shampoo in my hand and rubbed it into my scalp. The facts were clear: I wanted him for his body and what he could do with it. I did not want him to insert himself into my life. I didn't want him to sleep over or help around the house. His cock. My pussy. End of story.

When I finished my shower, I scarfed down the majority of the pizza and topped it off with a couple cups of black coffee before I even made it out of the kitchen.

I turned on the radio, turned off the air conditioner, and stretched out on the couch. As I lay there, I came to the realization that yes, I was a bitch to him, and no, he didn't deserve it. Especially after the way he made me feel the night before. But that also didn't mean there shouldn't be boundaries.

As long as Chase knew his place, everything would be just fine.

I woke bright and early on Monday morning, feeling like I'd regenerated a whole new body during the night. Nothing like having the sleep schedule of a feline to put a little spring back into your step.

My day of Sunday-slacking paid off, and I was more than ready to dive into work. I showered and got ready quickly, energy coursing through me even though I hadn't had a drop of coffee yet.

I was about to start the routine of going around the house and switching on the fans until I remembered the air was working. I turned it on, hearing the click. It was still working. I decided to let it run for a while to cut down on the humidity; it was better for the house anyway.

Everything was moving right along until my coffee maker refused to work. Ugh. I unplugged it and plugged it back in, checked if it was clogged, knocked it around a little. Still nothing. Be careful what you wish for. The universe must have taken notice of me ranting yesterday and decided to deliver me a broken present to fix. Nice.

I sighed, then shook it off. It was really no big deal. I'd woken up early enough and had plenty of time to run out for coffee before I anchored myself to the office chair.

I grabbed my purse, hopped in the car, and was pulling back into my driveway with a twenty-ounce cup in nine minutes flat. As I neared closer to the garage, I noticed a box sitting on my front porch.

I parked and darted up the stairs, wondering exactly what I'd find. It seemed to be my day for gifts, which worried me just a bit. A small envelope was taped on top, so I peeled it off and held it up to the sunlight before opening it.

Argh, just open it already. I tugged the card free from the envelope and immediately went to the signature. Chase. My throat tightened. Up until that very moment, I hadn't even entertained the thought that he was the sender. Why, I didn't know, except that maybe I didn't want him to be so I blocked out the possibility.

Jillian--My peace offering. I'm sorry for overstepping my bounds. Chase

I picked up the box and carried it inside. I looked it over well, then shook it. Clunk. I set it on the table, stared at it a while, then picked it back up and turned it upside down. Clunk. I did everything except open the damned thing.

Ridiculous. What exactly was I afraid of?

I grabbed scissors from the drawer and skimmed the blade along the top, breaking the tape. I pulled the cardboard apart and... Hot sauce?

I took the small bottle out and read the label: Lunacy Sauce. Was he trying to tell me something?

I grabbed the sauce and my coffee and went into my office. Should I keep an eye over my shoulder today? Maybe my next surprise would be a visit from the funny farm-mobile.

My accounts were organized in front of me, all the calls I needed to make lined up in order of importance. I had my coffee and was ready to kick ass, but....

Hot sauce?

I set my phone down, and my eyes had barely flicked over the computer screen before I heard the ding of a new text.

Is that what you call it? Hot sauce? he replied.

I examined the bottle again. My vision may not be as good as hindsight, but if it looks like a duck and quacks like one, it's a damn duck.

It's not???

No. What you have there is liquid gold. The screaming headliner in my fajita recipe.

I smiled big. So where are the opening acts?

Do you think I'd give it all up that easily? I'm not that kind of guy.

I'd been taking a deep sip from my cup when his text had come in, and I almost sprayed it all over my desk. After I had finished coughing, I started to laugh, and it took me a while to stop. It felt good.

Thank you. My fingers stilled, and I inhaled a heavy dose of air. It was time to suck it up and apologize. I'm the one who should be sorry, Chase. I had no right to go ballistic on you. You were just trying to do something nice.

I stared at the screen, drumming my fingers on the desk, waiting for a response.

Apology accepted.

I set the phone aside and downed the rest of my coffee before getting to work. I scheduled a few meetings between candidates and their respective new offices. I billed clients and checked in with prospective hires. I had put in a solid four hours before I heard the ding.

What time can I pick you up on Saturday?

I flattened my lips together. Saturday? Was there something going on I didn't know about?

To take you out to dinner, he followed up a few minutes later.

Was he still stuck on that? It'd come back to me earlier, the memory of Chase tricking me into saying yes, but I was planning on him not holding me to it.

Your methods were devious. It wasn't fair to ask me during my post-orgasmic coma.

I asked you before that. You just didn't answer. But now you have me fantasizing about your orgasms. After dinner I promise to give you the best one of your life.

I closed my eyes and blew out a hard puff of breath. He already had. Chase was going to make it really difficult for me to concentrate on work for the rest of the day.

We can just skip all that and go straight to the after.

He didn't respond right away, so my hopes were high that he'd agreed. Five minutes later, I got a simple: No.

Dammit. I'd rather you just come over again, Chase. I can cook this time. I really don't have anything to wear out.

Okay, that sounded like a lame excuse, but there was truth to it. My stuff was either casual or fancy with not a whole lot in between. And I was not wearing one of Perry's outfits that could double as a paper doll cutout.

You already gave me that excuse. Sorry, not gonna work.

What? When?

You're cute when you talk in your sleep. Informative too.

My entire face torched up. What the hell is he talking about? This could be bad, really bad. He was bluffing, had to be. Trying to rile me. But I did mention my lack of clothing choices and my broken air conditioner with no recollection. Oh, shit! What else did I say?

Get back to work. And rest up, Wild Horses.

Wild Horses? I must have glared at my phone for fifteen minutes before shoving it into the desk drawer. I didn't reply, and he didn't send anything else. I could waste the whole day thinking about my runaway mouth, but the only place that would lead me would be into a hole. I'd be better off lazing on my back porch and watching the wildlife again.

I gave my phone some company and teamed it up with the Lunacy Sauce, joining them together in the drawer. I had a business to run, and I was not going to allow Chase to distract me any longer.

No matter how delicious I imagined his sauce to be.

The rest of the week went by smoothly and uneventfully. I didn't hear another peep from Chase, and since we hadn't nailed down a time for Saturday, I started to believe he'd had a change of heart.

Until Friday.

On Friday, I began my pre-work day with the usual routine: Up early, shower, coffee run (since my machine was still on the fritz), and a front porch check. I was hoping he'd send more ingredients. I really, really wanted that recipe.

There was indeed a package on my porch that morning, but it was not what I was expecting. Instead of being a small, brown box, it reminded me of something that Daniel would jump up and down for, thinking Barney had left him a present. It was big and purple.

I carried it inside and shook it, of course, but there was a whoosh this time instead of a clunk. Maybe he'd written down the entire recipe on a good old-fashioned index card and buried it within mounds of paper, just to be sneaky. He was good at that.

I sliced open the sides and popped the top off. There was a note inside, sitting on top of tissue paper.

No excuses. I'll pick you up tomorrow at 7:00.

I'd worry about that later. I tossed the card on the table, then waded through gobs of crepe paper. There was lots of it, like he'd saved every last bit from birthdays and Christmases and stuffed it all inside. I rummaged through the layers until a sliver of lavender caught my eye.

I paused for a minute. This couldn't be what I thought it was. No way. My hands went back in and pulled out a gorgeous lavender sundress. Drop neck. High-low hem. Flirty as hell. I think I glazed over for a bit and went completely blank. I put the dress back in the box, pulled it out, put it back. To say I was confused was stating it mildly.

Number One: Why couldn't it have been slutty lingerie instead? That would have been more appropriate.

Number Two: How in the name of all that's good and decent did Chase know I was coveting this very same dress? How could he have possibly picked out the exact same one I was swooning over? No one is that good.

Perry.

Steam blowing out of the ears was not just for cartoons. There was a fireball sitting on top of my shoulders. Fortunately, my phone leaped into my hand and dialed for me, which was handy since my eyes were smoked out.

Goddammit, Perry. You promised.

"Hello."

My brother's groggy voice threw me off. "Shit, Stephen. I'm sorry. I'm trying to reach Perry."

I heard a "Here, it's Jillian" and then Perry's equally groggy voice, "Hey, Jills. What's up?"

"Was Stephen up all night?"

"Kinda."

Dammit. "Tell him sorry again." My brother was frequently called during the night and had to drag himself out of bed to deal with systems crashing and all kinds of urgent work crap. No different than any other time of the day, but at least then he was coherent. "But, why are you still home? I called your phone because I thought you'd left for the day."

"I'm going in later."

"All right. Just call me back right away when you're up."

"You already got me up, Jills. Talk now."

I took a deep breath. "Before I start making accusations, please explain to me how Chase knew about the lavender dress."

"What dress now?"

"The dress at Summerfest. The one I loved. You told me I should get it. Chase bought it for me. How did he know, Perry?"

One second. Two seconds. Three--

"Holy fuckballs! Chase bought you that dress?"

She almost blew out my eardrum. "Shhh, keep it down. Isn't Stephen--"

"Who's Chase?" I heard in the background. Just great. "Wait, isn't he... Fuck, Jillian. Why's he buying you a dress?"

"Down, Fido," Perry said. "They're friends. No problem."

"Perry--"

"Of course, there's a problem," Stephen said. I started pacing around the room, ready to whack my phone against the wall. "Guys his age don't have their shit together, and they sure as hell shouldn't be buying my sister any dresses."

Should I just hang up? Let them have this conversation without me? "Jillian, you listening?" my brother continued. "Are you encouraging him? If so, that's fucked up."

"Nothing's fucked up, you crabby ass. Go back to sleep," Perry yelled back.

I heard some shuffling around, and Stephen said something else, but it was too muted to make out.

"Okay, Jills. Had to leave the room. Now, back to this dress. Holy fuck, do you know what this means?"

"According to what you told my brother, it means nothing."

"Well, yeah. You told me not to say anything to him." Forget the phone; I wanted to smack my head into the wall. Didn't she realize her big mouth already had?

"Perry, you... Never mind. Were you or were you not the one who told Chase about the dress?"

"Of course not! I swore I wouldn't help anymore, and I meant it. I don't know how he knew something like that. Got lucky, I guess."

"I wouldn't call it help, and your 'got lucky' theory sounds pretty impossible." I sat down at my desk and thrummed my fingers against the hard wood. "So, it really wasn't you?"

"That's what I said. Weren't you listening?"

"I..." I didn't know what to think. It hadn't been off-base to assume Perry was involved, but now I was back to a dead end.

"Bottom line, Jills: You're not just a pump and dump to him, and you need to accept that."

"What?"

"He's feeling something for you. Why don't you just ask him about the dress?"

"It's just meaningless sex, and I'm giving the dress back." I opened the freezer to grab a few ice cubes to dump into my now tepid coffee.

"Like hell it is, and like hell you should."

"I'm relieved to know you weren't involved, Perry, but you--"

"Yeah, yeah, yeah. I don't understand. Give me a break, Jills. I probably understand better than both you and Stephen rolled together. Look, we'll talk about this later, okay? Your brother's trying to get up, and we need to get in a quickie first. But in the meantime, don't do anything stupid."

"My stupid or your stupid?"

"Something-you'll-regret stupid."

Several hours passed, and I must have picked up my phone and set it back down a hundred times. I wasn't sure what to do. I wanted to call him, but I couldn't bring myself to actually do it. It'd be easier to text, but I didn't think that would solve anything. The box sat at my feet, and every so often, I'd open it up and peek at the dress. I even had it in my hands once, ready to dash off and try it on, but luckily came to my senses. If I hadn't, something crazy might have happened. I might have decided to keep it.

I leaned my head back on the chair. My regular, productive day was sucking into a black hole. My mind could not focus worth shit.

The dress needed to go back to him, that much was clear. It was way too personal. His role was to remove my clothing, not add to it. I tapped my fingers against my chin. I knew he lived on the east side, and I could probably find an address, but I didn't want to go there and deal with his roommates. I could take it to school. He taught on Fridays.

I righted forward and grabbed the box. That's what I'd do. I couldn't keep it there any longer or else I'd try it on. I was sure of it. I would drive up there and either give it to him personally or secure it with the office staff. I arranged the dress nicely amongst all the paper, leaving it exactly how I'd found it.

It was time to take a break anyway, disregarding the fact that the entire day had been one long waste session. I went down to the garage, convincing myself that this was absolutely the right thing to do. I needed to return it graciously and then lay some ground rules.

And I really hoped he accepted them, because if not, I was sure going to miss that hard body of his.

#

I pulled into the school's small parking lot, next to the front door. There were two kids out on the steps banging erasers together, puffing chalk dust into the air. I smiled. When was the last time I saw something like that? Most schools didn't even have blackboards anymore.

They said hello as I walked past, and I went through the small lobby and into the main hallway. I felt strange bursting in, as if I were coming into a home uninvited. Maybe I should have made arrangements first? I had a bag hanging from my hand with the box inside. The bright purple color could never be considered inconspicuous, and I didn't want to draw any undue attention.

There were a few people and kids milling about, but overall, it was just as deserted as the last time I was there. I wondered if Cassie was lurking in the shadows. Having a run-in with her wasn't on my to-do list for the day.

I walked past the seemingly unoccupied office when that tiny peanut of a woman popped up like a frickin' jack-in-the-box. I clutched my chest and yelped. She really should wear a bell around her neck.

"Sorry, hon. Jillian, right?" I nodded. Wow, good memory. "You here for Mr. Nolan again?"

"Yes, but I don't want to disturb his class. I just have something for him. I can also leave it with you if I have to?"

She looked behind her at the clock. "Great timing. Just head on down, hon. Same room as before. The kids have snack break in five minutes."

"Oh, okay. Thank you... I'm sorry, I never got your name."

"Call me, Sue, hon."

"Thank you, Sue."

I took a few more steps when I noticed a familiar little girl coming toward me. "Hello, Hazel. I'm Jillian. Do you remember me? I met you during your guitar lesson."

She smiled. "I remember you. You're Mr. N's girlfriend."

"Ah, no, sweetie. We're just--"

"I hafta go to the doctor. My grandma's waiting for me outside."

I looked her over. I hoped everything was fine. Her cheeks did look a lot less rosy than before, but that could have been the mother in me being overly worrisome.

"Are you feeling okay?" I asked as I walked with her toward the main doors.

She shrugged. "Just a check."

"That's good. Say, I heard you found my phone by the swings after practice. Thank you so, so much. That phone was super important to me, and I'm really happy to have it back."

Her grin covered her entire face. "You're welcome." She hugged me before taking off to her grandmother's car. What a sweet girl. I waved, then focused back to the mission on hand.

I enjoyed the artwork posted on the walls as I strolled down to the end of the hall. I wondered if any of the artists were Chase's kids, which made me laugh softly. It was amusing to think of Chase having kids when he was barely an adult himself.

The door to his room was open, and I crept up silently. I didn't want to interrupt, but I was curious to hear what he was teaching. I peeked in then darted back before he could see me. He was standing at the board, a handful of kids sitting in desks in front of him.

"A quarter note?" one of the girls said, doubtfully.

"Excellent. Keep it up, Lily, and you could be the next Bach." She giggled, and I chuckled along. "Now, what about this one?" Chase asked. The class was silent. "Nobody? Come on, guys.... You're killing me here."

I heard movement, and the room burst into peals of laughter. I wished I could see what Chase was doing up there to make those kids smile.

"What about you, Ms. Hudson? Can you tell me what this is?"

Huh? I poked my head in. I guess my moves hadn't been as stealthy as I thought. He was pointing at the board with a piece of blue chalk. "Uh, that's a treble clef," I said.

"Very good." Chase aimed in on me, lips curved high. "You get a star."

His voice was warm honey, dripping into my mouth. I quivered, then wanted to slap myself. No kid wanted to see me get all melty over their teacher.

The clickety-clack of heels directed my attention back to the hallway where I saw the shock of blonde hair first. She sauntered toward me, face stiff, smile painted on, just like a plastic Barbie doll head.

"Another visit to our school, and so soon? What a treat."

What a fucking bitch. "Yes, it is, Cassie."

"Anything I can help you with?"

"How kind of you, but I'm here to see Chase. I can wait."

"Unfortunately, Mr. Nolan is--"

"Miss Randall," Chase said from the doorway. I was having such a delightful conversation, I hadn't noticed him come over. "May I ask a favor?"

She straightened, sticking out her chest. "Of course!"

My eyes were rolling so hard in my head I felt like a giant snowball flying down the hill.

"Could you please watch the class for a few minutes while I speak with Ms. Hudson alone?"

"Oooo," all the kids said in unison. We had an audience.

"Oh. Sure." Her shoulders slumped a bit.

Did Chase realize what he was doing to this woman? Bitch or not, I almost felt sorry for her. She slunk into the room, and he stepped out, shutting the door.

"She likes you, you know," I said.

"Yeah, she passed me a note the other day in gym class."

I slugged him on the arm. "I'm serious. She's got it bad."

He smiled. "You jealous?"

What? "No, Chase. I don't get jealous. I'm just pointing it out, you know, in case you felt the same way."

His eyes narrowed. "I don't."

"Okay."

He took a step closer, and I took a step back. "Just a wild guess here, but I don't think you made the drive over to come and talk about Cassie."

"No, of course not." I had to collect my thoughts, get my shit together. His jaw was freshly shaven, smooth skin that wouldn't make my lips raw. Although, raw was nice too.

"Jillian?"

"Right." I opened the bag, flashing him the purple box. "This is why I'm here. To give this back."

He smiled. "I have enough purple boxes. I don't need it back. You can keep it."

"You know very well I'm talking about the dress."

"I don't want that either. It's not my size."

Argh. "Can you please be serious, Chase?" I had a whole bunch of ground work I'd planned to lay out--I went over it the entire way there--but now I couldn't remember any of it.

"Do you think I can't be serious when I need to be, Jillian?" He lightly skimmed my face with his fingertip, and I flinched. It was unexpected, and it sizzled.

I stepped back again. We were playing a game of cat and mouse. "I can't accept the dress. Please, just take it." I thrust the bag toward him.

He looked down without grabbing it, then back up at me. "But the sauce was acceptable?" I nodded. "Why is that?"

"Because...."

"Because it's practical?"

"Exactly."

"Don't you like the dress?"

"The issue's not whether I like it." I felt like he was playing with me, watching me squirm a little before he pounced. "Yes, I like it. Enough that I wanted to buy it." I paused, another question mark forming. "Wait, how did you know I wanted it?"

He touched his lips, and I licked mine without meaning to. "After the show, I saw you holding it up against you, large smile on your face. I recognized you from the audience and... and I won't repeat the thoughts that were going through my mind at that time." He leaned over and whispered, "Not here."

The burn from his initial touch was spreading like wildfire. "And then you met me on the rooftop." With your green, green eyes flecked with gold. My pussy clenched.

"And then I met you on the rooftop."

The door swung open, and I jumped back, my heart jackhammering my ribs. Caught with my mouth on the cookie jar, shoveling in every last buttery crumb.

"Er, Mr. Nolan? I believe it's been more than a few minutes."

"Are the kids still eating their snack?" She nodded. "Then I'd appreciate if you could sit with them just a few minutes more. I'm wrapping it up."

Chase shut the door when she left it ajar. I took a deep breath. Cassie was the distraction I'd needed. "So, you went back there and bought me the dress right after we...?" That actually sounded a little stalkerish.

He leaned against the wall. "No, I bought it later. I know the shop; it's near my house. I was going to tell you about it, but the plans changed when you needed something to wear. I decided to pick up the dress myself."

"Okay, well, I appreciate the gesture"--I tried handing over the bag again, but he paid no attention--"but we don't have that kind of... arrangement. It's not appropriate for you to buy me things like this."

"Would it make you feel better to pay me back?"

Oh. I hadn't thought of that option. "Yes, it would actually." I swiveled my purse in front of me and unzipped it. I could keep the dress and my principles. Win-win.

He rested his hand on mine. "Not with money, Jillian. By letting me take you to dinner. Saturday. Seven o'clock."

God, we were back to this? "What is it about you and dinner?"

"I like to eat."

I closed my eyes, steeling myself. Damn, Chase. What are you doing to me and my head and my... everything?

"Look, bottom line," he said. "You needed something to wear, and now you have it. You like the dress, and I'm going to like it on the floor. Don't forget that promise I made."

He grasped my chin lightly, and I looked at him. I knew he wouldn't kiss me there in the hallway, but the look alone was enough. He wanted to badly, and that made me hotter than any broken-down air conditioner could ever do.

"I cannot wait to get you alone again, Jillian, but we're going to try it my way first."

Fuck it. I nodded. Then gulped. Then gulped again. I had a flood in my mouth. I had a flood everywhere. My body responded to him like it'd been in a severe drought and was overcompensating.

Chase went back to the classroom, and I went back to my car, bag in hand, purple box in bag, lavender dress in box. If it was that freaking important to him, I'd keep the dress. If this dinner out was that freaking important to him, I'd muscle through it. I could bend the rules this one time.

But after that? No more compromising.

After this dinner, the only place I'd show my flexibility would be in the bedroom, and the only bending I'd be doing for him was over with legs spread.

#

"You look good, Jills."

I felt good. I swiveled back and forth, checking myself out in the full-length mirror. Perry was bouncing up and down on my bed.

"Like really good," she said. "You're owning it, Jills. That dress is your bitch."

Yeah... I had to agree with her. I was kicking some ass right now. Even my boobs looked stronger. How a couple yards of fabric could give me superpowers, I didn't know, but I was feeling invincible.

"The dress is magical," I said. There was no other way to explain it. Some fairy godmother created it out of pixie dust and happy angel tears, and it somehow ended up in a little indie dress shop on the east side of Milwaukee.

Stranger things had happened. Consenting to a dinner out with Chase tonight was an example.

"It's not the dress, it's you." I fiddled with my hair, trying to figure out a style that would be in the same league as the rest of me. "You're... I don't know, glowing or something."

"It's the magic; I'm telling you." When was the last time I was this gaga over a simple piece of clothing? Sadly, not even my wedding dress.

"There might be some magic going on, but I don't think it has anything to do with what you're wearing." I shook my head. No, she was wrong. I felt beautiful, and it had everything to do with the dress. "And keep your hair down. It suits you better."

I tousled the strands a bit and peered closely into the mirror, making sure my eyeshadow wasn't creasing up on me. Wow, even my lids looked higher. That's it--I was declaring this dress my official outfit from now until forever.

"I love seeing you like this, Jills."

"Like what?" I clipped the front part of my hair up, just to see how it'd look.

"All butterfly-y, in a good way. Excited to go on your da... uh, dinner."

I glanced at her reflection. She was leaning back on her forearms, legs dangling over the side. "Perry, if there's any excitement going on inside me it's because of what'll happen later back here. I couldn't care less about the dinner part. In fact, I'm almost dreading it."

She held her fist up to her mouth and coughed out, "Bullshit."

"Hey, whose side are you on?"

"Yours. That's why I love seeing you like this." She leaped off and went to my closet. "And I know Stephen will come around eventually."

"There's no reason for him to. All his points are valid, and I agree with him."

"His points are stupid. He's five years older than me, yet he has a problem because you're older than Chase? Sounds a little sexist, if you ask me."

"Five years is different than fifteen, and it's not the age difference; it's the age of the guy I'm sleeping with. Which Stephen doesn't even know I'm doing, and if he did know I was going out with him tonight, he'd have every right to give me a hard time." Perry had her back to me, tossing around my shoes, but I could sense her eyes rolling. "Stop rolling your eyes. I shouldn't even be sleeping with him at all, even casually. I'm not using my best judgment, and I should know better."

Yet, I'd decided to do it anyway. I was currently letting my body call the shots, but it was only on a temporary basis. It'd all be over once either my glands stopped functioning like a teenage boy's or Chase ran off in search of younger pastures. Whichever came first.

Until then, I might as well get my fill.

"The sex is that awesome, huh?"

She handed me a pair of nude strappy sandals with a two-inch heel. Perfect. "You could say that."

Even though we'd only had it twice, once with me sober and once not, I still knew how incredible it was from the feelings it generated. There didn't have to be actual penetration going on; a single look or the lightest touch could rev me up like nothing else. If sex could be considered in those terms, then we'd fucked a hundred times already.

"He's a keeper, Jills. If anyone deserves more than a lick and stick, it's you."

I froze, one leg bent up as I slipped on a shoe. "What are you talking about?"

"Oh, you know." She stood up and slid my closet door closed. "The guy who says, 'ooh, baby, you're so wet' and you're like, 'of course I am, dickwad. You just spit all over your fingers and stuck them up my twat because you couldn't be bothered to take the time to turn me on first, and by the way, you better have a clean mouth, asshole. I don't want a yeast infection just because you ate a giant can of peaches in heavy syrup right before you filled me with your drool.'"

"Uh, yeah. I can't say I've ever had that conversation before."

"Well, you're lucky. Good thing those days are behind me. I hit it big when I met your brother, I tell ya. He makes me wetter than... Remember that weekend a couple summers ago when there were tornado warnings, and we all hung out in your basement and then your entire backyard flooded and--"

"Yes, Perry. I get it. You guys are compatible."

A love-struck puppy expression glazed over her face, and she smiled. "Yes, we are."

Perry took off when I was down to my last fifteen minutes. As I was waiting for Chase to arrive, I took out the tub of DermaIce and dabbed some more of the clear cream on my face. Michelle had given it to me the other day--'It takes off ten years and lasts four hours'--but the results took at least thirty minutes to kick in. I'd tried it the other day, and it felt nice on my face, but I couldn't tell a difference. When I'd asked her, she said I just didn't use enough.

I tapped a generous amount around my eyes and between my brows; it blended in nicely with my makeup. All I needed was for it to freeze up my lines during the time we were out. If I could just get myself to pass down to my twenties, then I wouldn't have to worry about cradle-robbing jokes and snickers behind my back.

When I was good to go, I paced around the living room, nervous jitters playing Tag inside my body. Just when one part of me settled down, another would take up the slack. The sound of tires rolling into the driveway caused my chest to go bonkers. You're it.

I peeked out my blinds and saw him getting out of the car in a frickin' suit. My stomach fluttered, ping-ponging up to my throat and then back down again. Chase was turning me into some alien life form I didn't recognize. I was not supposed to be having these reactions. I was Jillian Hudson, controlled and fully-equipped with a working brain. I may be far from being over the hill, but I was way too old for this shit.

I stepped away from the window; I didn't want him to catch me watching him. That would look way too eager. When my doorbell rang, I had to scrape myself off the ceiling. Calm the fuck down, Jillian.

Opening the door caused me to wobble just a bit, but I kept it together. He looked... drop-dead amazing. My favorite look for him was naked, but I might have to make an exception tonight.

Within my grasp stood a perfect specimen in a lightweight gray fitted suit. Perfect for a summer night. Perfectly matched to my lavender dress. We both said a simultaneous, "Wow." Although mine was in my head, and his was out loud.

"I'll come up with a more original way of complimenting you later, but for now, let me just say you look beautiful, Jillian. That's the only way I can describe it right now." Hmm... That word again. He meant it, though; I could see it in the way his eyes softened when he looked me over. Before I could say a gracious, 'Thank you,' he held up a six-pack of Spotted Cow. "For you."

I raised my eyebrow. "Beer?" I took it from him and into the kitchen. How had I not noticed it before then? Chase followed me in, allowing me another eyeful. Oh, yeah. That's why.

"Well, I couldn't show up empty-handed, and I wasn't going to bring flowers. Since it's not a date." His lips curved, and I turned away, shoving the bottles into the fridge.

"Thank you," I said. If it were up to me, I'd skip right to dessert. Pop off a cap and drip the entire contents over the hills and into the valleys of his body. Then I'd drag my tongue over every rock-hard muscle and suck it up.

He touched my shoulder, and I shivered. "You ready to go?" he asked.

I nodded. Yes, the sooner we left, the sooner... I rotated to face him and... Damn. He really did look exceptional. A bit older too. Maybe this wouldn't be so bad. If I appeared younger and he didn't, we might actually come across as a normal couple. If we were a couple, that is.

Chase took my hand in his and led me out. I could do this. No problem. He opened the car door for me, closed it, then rounded back to the driver's side.

It's showtime.

#

He headed west and, thirty minutes later, exited on Delafield Street. I was somewhat familiar with the area but not enough to know what was around besides cornfields and gravel roads. I'd asked him right away where we were going, but only received a smile and a "You'll see."

Shortly after, we pulled into a place that seemed to be in the middle of nowhere but was obviously popular. The parking lot was packed full. Chase found a spot while I took in the entrance with the name splayed out across the brick: Zydecki's. I'd never heard of it.

There was a large deck wrapped around the side with outdoor seating. White lights sprinkled throughout, and I could imagine that, when it was fully dark, it'd be gorgeous.

"What is this place?" I asked as we walked up to the restaurant.

"Best Cajun food you'll find outside New Orleans." I think I made a happy squeal because he squeezed my hand and smiled wide. "I take it you approve."

"Definitely."

To my delight, we sat outside. The weather was perfect with just the right amount of breeze. God, I felt good. Comfortable in my own skin. The bluesy music surrounding me was pleasing to my ears, and the guy who sat across from me was candy to my eyes.

And I was excited as hell to try the food. I looked over the menu, torn between five different things. "So, you've been there?" I asked. "New Orleans?"

"A couple years ago. You?"

I shook my head. "Always wanted to, though." There were tons of places I wanted to travel to but never had the opportunity. I suppose there was nothing stopping me now.

"What can I get you, sugar?" Our southern belle waitress winked at Chase. She barely gave me a look.

I ordered a chicory iced coffee, having no desire for anything stronger tonight. He did the same. "Feel free to spice it up," I told him. "I can drive if needed."

"Nah, I'm good."

The waitress took down our order. "If you need anything, anything at all, just let me know. My name's Delilah." It was glaringly obvious that she was speaking to Chase and not to me. I shook my head and laughed a little. I wondered if he got this kind of female attention wherever he went. It wouldn't surprise me in the least.

"Zydeco or swamp pop?" he asked when Delilah sashayed her hips to the next table.

"Depends if I'm in the mood for something fast-tempoed or something emotionally-driven. I'm really enjoying the mixture tonight, though. The music matches the atmosphere." Chase sat back and stared at me, small smile on his lips. I was starting to get a complex. "What?"

"I just think it's cool that you even knew what I was talking about."

The next hour flew by like that. Dare I say I was having a great time? The rest of the diners seemed to dissolve around me, except for Miss 'Can I do anything for you, Sugar? My job is to serve.' Wink wink, nudge nudge. She was impossible to ignore, like a needy cat rubbing against you every second. Or in my case, the devious cat who darts between your legs on 'accident' as you're walking down the stairs. Chase seemed impervious to her innuendos, and that only seemed to make her try harder.

Fortunately, Delilah was easy enough to dismiss when she wasn't loitering around our table, trying to overdo her job. Chase and I discussed and debated anything music-related while I died and went to Heaven with my plate of incinerating shrimp pasta. It was so worth it.

I was opening up more to being paraded in public, but I did draw the line when he tried convincing me to get up and dance with him. It was one thing to share the same restaurant and have a nice dinner and quite another to frolic in front of everyone and basically scream, "Hey, look at us--we're together. As a couple."

After a huge laughing spree, Chase stared at me again, but this time with a strange expression. "Your face looks...."

Flawless? Smooth? Ten years younger?

...white."

My hands flew to my cheeks, and I started patting around. It felt crinkly under my eyes. Oh, fuck. "Excuse me." I took off for the restroom, keeping my head lowered. What the hell is going on?

I tried my best to ignore the lady next to me washing her hands as I gaped into the mirror. I resembled a freaking barn owl. I peered closer. No, scratch that. I looked like a preschooler who got a little glue happy. My face was the opposite of flawless and smooth; it was scary and crackly like I had some weird skin disease.

I peeled off a layer from my eye mask, only to discover more white gunk underneath. If my bathroom mate was panicking that I was contagious, she didn't act like it, bless her heart. She just nodded and smiled and quickly got the hell out of there.

I ran a paper towel under the sink and dabbed my face. After a good bit of scrubbing, all the white wrinkles were replaced by red splotches. I frantically dug through my purse, hoping to find something to cover it. I'd use chewing gum if I had to.

Fortunately, it didn't have to come to that. I had a tube of concealer, and I made good use of it. By the time I'd stepped out of the restroom, I looked somewhat normal again, at least on the outside. On the inside, I was a heap of jumbled emotions.

The tipping point was going back to my table and finding our irritating-as-shit waitress literally hanging over Chase, giving him a hearty eyeful of her irritatingly perky-as-shit tits. No doubt she was just waiting for me to leave so she could pounce. She probably slipped a diuretic into my coffee.

She saw me and straightened, then scurried away. I flopped down on my chair, the mood pretty much over for me. Yes, I'd been having a fantastic time before my face crumbled off. Yes, it was petty of me to let something like that ruin my night. Yes, it was the inside that counted. Blah, Blah, Blah.

"You were gone awhile. I was about to send someone in there." He paused a minute. "You look better. Is everything okay?"

"Yes. No." Who was I fooling? I couldn't just put on cream and magically jump back another decade. I was not even close to his age, and I never would be. "Delilah looked like she was making herself at home in my absence." I tried to speak with zero snark, and hopefully, I accomplished it.

"She tried getting me to take her number. I didn't want it."

My eyes might have popped a bit. I reached for my drink, then thought better of it and went for the water instead. "Why are you even telling me this? I wouldn't have known. Are you always this honest?"

"Why wouldn't I be?"

"Or... are you just trying to make me jealous?"

"Are you?"

"God, Chase. I told you I don't get jealous." I felt the heat bubbling to the surface, and I wasn't sure why. "But I do think it's very rude of her, doing something so bold when you're here with someone else."

Deep breath. In her defense, she probably thought I was his mother.

"I agree."

I had to think about that for a second. At first, I thought he was agreeing to my mother comment until I realized I'd said that in my head. "Is that why you didn't take her number? Because of the way she did it?"

He looked at me like it was now my entire brain falling off in chunks. "No, Jillian. I didn't take it because I'm not interested in her. And that wouldn't have changed whether I was here with you or a group of guys."

He made it sound so simple when really it was anything but. She was young and gorgeous. Give it another fifteen, twenty years and he'd be all over that shit if she was offering it up. I needed to keep that little fact front and center. Needed to keep things real.

"It'd be easier if you were interested, Chase." I honestly meant that too. I wasn't doing some stupid reverse psychology crap, hoping for his reassurance. "I'm too... complicated."

He smiled. "Aren't all women?"

Time to bring out the big guns. "Remember at Candle Park, the kid I was talking to right before we left?" He nodded. "Who did you think that was--an ex-fling?"

Chase sputtered on his drink. "No, that had not even crossed my mind." He raised an eyebrow. "An ex who calls you Mrs. Hudson?"

"Maybe it was a Mrs. Robinson situation."

He shook his head. "What's going on with you, Jillian?"

"That boy, Ben, he's my son's good friend." Wait for it, wait for it. Hmm.... Nothing. "Technically, my stepson, but I've raised Daniel since he was two and couldn't love him any more if he were my biological child. Without getting into too much detail, I'm pretty much the only mother he's ever known."

Chase was quiet for a few minutes, and I kept waiting for him to jump up and tell Southern Belle that he'd made a mistake. "The pictures on your bookshelf, those are Daniel?"

"Yes." I figured he saw them at some point. I wasn't hiding them, but I wasn't thrusting them in his face either. For all Chase knew, they could have been a little brother or nephew or... "Why didn't you ask me who he was? You seem to ask me everything else."

"I figured you'd tell me when you wanted to."

It sounded reasonable. I'd already gone nutso because he fixed my air conditioning; I could see him being a bit leery asking me something on the personal side.

"And now I told you," I said.

"Am I going to meet him?"

My mouth dropped open and froze there awhile. His question had come hurling at me a hundred miles an hour out of left field. "Uh, he's in school right now. In Italy." And he's only three years younger than you. And I wouldn't embarrass him like that. And you and I will be done screwing around long before he's home anyway. So, in other words, hell, no.

"What's he studying?"

"International Business."

I knew there was so much more he wanted to ask, his face contorting with unspoken thoughts. We sat across from each other in awkward silence; the easygoing vibe was gone. At least it was for me. Delilah had made herself scarce, and I almost wished for her intrusion. I was that uncomfortable. I wanted to leave.

"Anything else you want to tell me?" he asked. "To show your complication, I mean. Because if you're trying to scare me away, I'm gonna need more than that."

"Like that wasn't enough?" I stared at him wide-eyed. I didn't have anything more to throw at him right then. In what universe was it not clusterfucked to be sleeping with a guy only three years older than your son?

"No, and do you know why it's not enough?" I shook my head. I honestly didn't know, but I'd love to find out the magic secret. Maybe he was a crackpot. Nothing bothers those people. "Because nothing you've told me so far changes how I feel. You are still the woman I like. A lot. I still find you interesting and sexy as hell. I very much enjoy your company, whether we are conversing over a table or fucking on it."

I darted my eyes around, but no one was paying us any attention. "So, you still want to come home with me?" Just because I didn't want to be at the restaurant anymore with him didn't mean I'd given up on him completely. I was still crazy enough to want the mind-blowing pleasure. Chase wasn't running for the hills yet, and I still had a handful of months before Daniel returned.

Whatever came first....

He leaned forward and took my hand, stroking it with his thumb and opening the floodgates. "Only if you want my mouth on your pussy."

"Let's go."

#

The ride home couldn't come fast enough. Chase kept me on edge and tormented. A light brush on the thigh here. A suggestive promise of what's to come there. Smoldering green and gold eyes everywhere.

I should've been concerned about him keeping focus on the road, but I was too damned horny to care. 'Celibate for ten years, living in an orgy house' horny. I needed it, and I needed it now.

We were a house away from mine when I noticed the car. An unfamiliar red Saab was parked there, and my first thought was, Whomever the hell it is better leave before I boot their ass down the steps. Unless it was a Girl Scout. Oh, please, don't be a Girl Scout. I'd never be able to turn one of those away. Was it cookie season?

"Who's that?" he asked as we pulled into the driveway.

"I have no idea." There was no one standing at the front door, and that made me nervous.

Chase parked next to the Saab. It was empty. "Stay here, Jillian." He held out his hand. "Give me your keys."

"Chase, it's my house. I'm coming with you."

"No, you're not."

I sighed. "Fine." I pulled my house keys out of my purse and handed them to him.

"Lock the doors and stay here until I come back."

I locked the doors but cracked the window so I could hear something. The thought of someone either wandering outside or inside my house freaked me out big time, but I didn't want anything to happen to Chase over it. If anything, we should be calling the cops to check it out.

I watched him go up and around the back, not liking it one bit when I lost sight of him. I bounced my legs and tapped my fingertips together. I could not handle this waiting. If Chase was not back in--

I heard a shout and then another, and the next thing I knew I was darting to the house, phone in hand, ready to dial the authorities.

The living room light flicked on right as I came up to the door, allowing me to see inside. What the motherfucking fuck? I banged on the front door since Chase had my keys and I couldn't get in. I could have just gone around to the back, but I wasn't thinking clearly because I was so frickin' livid.

Chase opened the door, not looking much happier than me. "Jillian, I told you to wait, dammit."

"I thought you were in trouble," I said, pushing past and zeroing in on my target. "What the hell are you doing here?"

"You know him?" Chase pointed to the man stretched out on my couch, shoes off, hands interlocked behind his head, acting as if he owned the joint.

"Chase, this is my ex-husband, Mike." I clenched my fists. "Mike, why are you sitting in my house in the dark? Are you trying to give me a damned heart attack?" My chest suddenly did go into overdrive as a thought flitted into my mind. "Oh, my God. Is everything okay with Daniel?"

"He's fine." He waved his hand. "And it wasn't dark when I got here. I must have fallen asleep waiting for you."

"Have you been drinking?"

"Just a few while I was waiting for you. And who's this kid?" His slurring indicated that it was more like a few of a few.

Argh. My lust was so far gone it was like it'd never existed. Mike was the ultimate anti-aphrodisiac. I was so pissed off. I couldn't in good conscious kick him out to endanger others, and I couldn't let Chase stay in the same house as him. I wanted to pull my hair out.

This is not happening right now.

"He's a friend of mine," I told Mike. I grabbed Chase's arm and whispered, "Can we please talk outside?" I saw his jaw tick as he glared at Mike, but he looked at me and nodded. "I'm sorry, Chase."

We went down to the driveway for some privacy. I wasn't sure exactly what to say, but I wanted to apologize again, even though I had nothing to do with Mike barging in.

"Does your ex come over like this a lot?"

"No. In fact, after the divorce, I barely saw him at all. It's just been recently... He's been picking up some of his things that were stored here. I have no idea what he's doing here tonight."

"How'd he get in?"

"Um, he still has a key." I looked up toward the house. "It was never an issue before, but now I know I need to get it back. Or change the locks."

I saw that jaw tick again. "Asking for it back seems the most logical."

"I know." None of this was Chase's business, but I felt strange about it anyway. Why should I care what he thinks about another man in my house? I could have a reverse harem if I wanted one. "Look, again, I'm really sorry this happened, but I need to go see what he wants, and I can't let him drive. It's also probably not the best thing for you to be there when I talk to him. Please understand?"

I felt bad... to an extent. I'd done my part letting Chase know about my past, basically holding up a neon sign with an arrow pointed down that read: Baggage claimed here.

My eyes skimmed his face, trying to decipher it. I kept telling myself that I shouldn't care what he thought... yet, I did.

His lips were hard on mine and completely unexpected. Fingers twisting in my hair, drawing me in, taking my breath. I tried to fight the building arousal because I knew it couldn't lead anywhere. Not tonight. "Chase," I spoke softly into his mouth when he let me come up for air. That only instigated another kiss, his tongue taunting me, making me hate my ex all the more for showing up and keeping that expert mouth away from the rest of my throbbing body.

He broke free, and I wanted to crumble. I so badly did not want him to leave. It was then that I noticed the living room light out. Did Mike go back to sleep? He better not have. I needed an explanation why he was there, and if it wasn't a damn good one, I'd string him up by his balls.

Chase touched his forehead to mine and stroked my hair. "Just so you know, Jillian, you may not get jealous, but I do."

I watched Chase leave, and then I braced myself to go back inside and rip Mike a new one. I stormed up the steps, threw open the door, and immediately switched on the light. He wasn't sleeping at all. He was sitting up straight.

"Thought you said he's a friend."

"He is." My blood started to boil. "Were you spying on me?"

"Friends don't kiss like that, Jillian."

He was spying on me, the asshole. That's why he turned off the light. "Why don't you just tell me what you're doing here. And I think it's time you gave me back that key. You don't live here anymore, and I can't have you popping in whenever you feel like it."

"Little young for you, don't you think?" I closed my eyes. I did not need this conversation. "What, are you one of those pumas now?"

"God, Mike. It's cougar. How do you not know that? If you're going to insult me, at least get it right."

"It's not a word I thought I'd ever use, especially not with you."

I stomped into the kitchen and opened the fridge. If he drank even one of my beers, I'd lose it. All six were still there, but when I eyed my vodka sitting on the counter, he'd definitely tapped into that. I grabbed a bottle and popped it open.

"Once again, why are you here?" I said when I came back into the living room. "You said you've been here awhile. Don't you have patients to see?"

"Not at this hour."

I snickered. That's not what he would have said toward the end of our marriage. He had no problem keeping his office open for late appointments then. Fortunately for Candace, Mike was a skilled shoulder surgeon. She'd come in with a torn rotator cuff and left six months later with a shiny new muscle in the form of Mike's dick.

"Something funny?" he asked.

"Nope." There was nothing even remotely humorous about any of this. And I had to remind myself there was no evidence that he cheated on me, so I couldn't be a bitch about it. But I had every right to be one about other things. I plopped on the opposite couch. "Dammit, Mike. You can't just show up uninvited whenever you want. How'd you feel if I did that to you?"

I was ready to lay into him, but his entire demeanor changed, and he slumped back down. "I know. I won't do it again, I promise. And you'll get your key back."

"Mike, why are you here?" I asked in a softer voice.

He scrubbed his hands over his face. "I think Candace might be screwing around on me."

I had to bite the insides of my cheeks to keep from laughing. Now that was funny. I took a lengthy swig. Damn, his long face sucked all the joy out of it, though. I wanted to gloat, throw 'what goes around, comes around' back at him--even though I had no proof--but I wasn't cruel.

"Why do you think that?"

"Well, what I should have said is that I'm worried she's going to."

I swung my head back, banging it against the wall. "That's hardly the same thing." He crashed my orgasmfest for that? Because he's insecure and paranoid?

"It's just that... I don't know what to do, Jillian." He raked his hands through his hair. "She's pressuring me hard to get married, wants to start a family before it's too late. If I don't give her what she wants, what if she goes elsewhere?"

"The family thing is understandable, Mike." I estimated her to be around my age, maybe a little older. It was hard to tell from her face because her lips got in the way. Be nice, Perry. But regardless, her eggs were ticking down. "And as far as marriage goes, it has been... uh, over a year." Or more.

"I know all that, but I'm not ready for any of it. I don't think I even want to start over again."

"So, tell her that."

He shook his head. "And I have a feeling that Daniel doesn't like her too much, but he probably wouldn't like anyone who isn't you."

I knew he didn't, but I didn't mention that. It wasn't my style to kick a man when he was down. "You have to tell her how you feel, Mike. Don't string her along just because you're worried she'll find someone else. That's not right."

"I don't know why things can't just stay the same. I let her move in with me. Isn't that enough?"

"Apparently not. And she's the one you should be asking these questions to." Headlights sliced through the room when a car passed the house, making me think of the cherry red one in my driveway. "Is that her car you have tonight?"

He nodded. "Mine's in the shop."

"Where does she think you are?"

"At a friend's."

"Probably not the best to lie, don't you think?" For both our sakes. I didn't know Candace too well. What if she was a raving psychopath? Combine that with a scorned woman and you might as well start looking for a bodyguard right away, long before the dead bunnies started showing up on the front porch.

"That's not a lie. Are we not friends, Jillian? Well, maybe not your definition of a friend...."

And here we go again. "We are not talking about this, Mike. Chase is none of your concern."

"I disagree. He is because of Daniel." I opened my mouth, but Mike cut me off before I could speak. "They're the same age, Jillian. The same age. How would that look to Daniel? You have to think of him."

I thrust my body forward and waved my bottle around. I wanted to thrash him upside the head with it. "Don't you dare, Mike. You have no right to ever say I'm not thinking of our son. That's all I've ever done. I raised that boy while you were gone all the time. I was more a part of his life than you were. So, don't you dare."

"I was going through residency, building my practice. I was working, Jillian. It's not like I was cavorting around town."

"You think I don't know that? But to have the gall to say I need to think of him?" God, I was going to burst a vessel soon. I was so angry my eyes were crossing.

Mike raised and lowered his hands as if to tell me to calm down. I shot him death glares for it. "I'm sorry, I am. That all came out wrong," he said quietly. "I couldn't have done any of it without you, Jillian. I couldn't have asked for a better mother for Daniel. No matter what, I'll always love you for that."

I felt myself deflate a bit, then drained the rest of my bottle. Everything was so fucked up. How could I be so attracted to Chase? What was wrong with me?

"I get it. I really do. It's nice to have a distraction, and I know how much you miss Daniel."

"That is not--"

"Please. I'm not attacking you. I promise."

I crossed my arms. Why bother defending myself when he'd probably just cut me off again? Daniel was not the reason I liked Chase. Perry and I already went over that with the milk and cookie test. I did not want to mother him. I did not want to tuck him in at night and sing him lullabies. I did not want to change his diapers. I liked Chase for one reason and one reason only: Sex. Lots and lots of hard-pumping, breath-taking, toe-curling, slam-you-on-your-back-and-make-you-scream sex.

"It's just that I care," he continued. "I don't want you to get in too deep. You know whatever you're doing can't last. It's not long-term, and if you forget that, you might get hurt."

"I'm going to bed." I stood up and smoothed down my hair. "You can sleep it off on the couch. After that, I'd like you to leave." I headed down the hall toward my room.

"Jillian--"

"Goodnight, Mike."

I awoke to the sound of a car door slamming. I checked the time: 1:30 a.m. Rolling over, I watched the lights magnify through my window as Mike pulled out of the driveway. I was suddenly wide awake; it'd probably take me another good hour to fall back asleep.

The middle of the night was the worst for racing thoughts. They had nowhere to go except Crazytown. I couldn't stop replaying all the events over the last three weeks. I met a guy who made me feel things I'd never felt, and he was all wrong.

Mike was right, and I knew that even during the time he was pissing me off so badly. I flipped to my back and stared at the ceiling. Chase and I weren't meant to last long, and I didn't want that anyway. I did need to consider what Daniel thought, although that went without saying. As far as getting hurt when it was all over, that would only happen if I cared. No problem there. Sure, I'd feel an emptiness between my legs, but when it came down to it, there were other cocks on the block.

Ding. My body jerked at the sound, and I scrambled for my cell. Another thing that wasn't compatible with the middle of the night: phone calls. They always made me panic.

Fortunately, it was a text, so I didn't sweat too hard, but there were multiple ways of delivering bad news. I grabbed my phone and peeked through one eye, as if that would soften the blow.

Chase?

Can't sleep. Taking a chance that you can't either.

I smiled, then scolded myself for the warm, fuzzy feelings. Did I get struck by a rock in the past thirty seconds? I needed to get back to my previous mindset.

I'm awake.

Are you alone?

Man, did he think I was a total sleaze? I had every right to sleep with dozens of other men if I wanted to, but still....

I'll answer that just as soon as I kick these two guys out of my bed. My hands are a little full.

Jesus, Jillian. I only meant if you were still talking to your ex. Not if you had someone in bed with you.

Okay, maybe I jumped the gun on that one. I tapped the phone on my chin. Ding.

And that was NOT funny.

Sorry.

Just don't say shit like that again, okay?

I didn't owe him an explanation, but I wanted to reassure him that I wasn't going to be collecting diseases like pennies off the street and dropping them in his cup.

Okay. But just so you're clear, for as long as we're having sex, I'll only be having sex with you. That's how I roll, so no worries there.

So it's just sex?

Of course, I replied. And speaking of... Thank you for dinner, but I can't do it again. I tried it your way, but it didn't work for me. There's no reason for a purely physical relationship to ever leave the house.

It was as to the point as I could make it. If he wanted to continue sleeping together, I'd be there with bells on. If he wanted more, I was fine with ending it right now. He took so long to respond I thought he'd fallen asleep. I was just dozing off myself when... Ding.

Okay, Wild Horses. We'll play it your way.

#

Chase kept good on his promise, and I had the sore pussy to prove it. The next two weeks were a blur of being fucked six ways to Sunday, licking, sucking, screwing until I could barely see straight. His stamina was relentless, and the orgasms kept on coming. I'd never felt better.

Twenty-three-year-old men had the best cocks.

I still managed to have a life during this time; I made sure of it. I still landed accounts, and I still made it to the family meals, even if I had to walk funny to get there. Perry wanted to know everything, of course, but there wasn't much to tell. My body was being used hard, and it was thanking me for it.

I scheduled Chase in blocks during the day and early evening, planning around whatever we each had going on. It worked beautifully. Short periods only, and never too late; I didn't need him falling asleep and staying over again.

Who'd have thought penciling in sex like dentist appointments could be so hot?

One time, I'd even gone to his place when his roommates were out. It was your typical rented house blocks away from UWM. The same kind of pad I'd been in many times during my college days. It brought me back, but I'd never been fucked in one like that before. Hats off to Chase.

What are you doing?

I was lying on the loveseat swing on my back porch. The sky was black, and the air was hot and muggy. A delicious ache permeated from my core; even my inner thighs were tender.

Still feeling you inside me, I texted back. He'd just left less than a half hour ago.

And I can still smell you on my fingers.

I can taste you on mine.

My screen flashed to an incoming call, and I tabbed over to answer. "Hello, Chase."

"I want to come back over." It sounded more like a growl, and I almost considered it. My body responded to him like a finely tuned Stradivarius.

"It's too late."

He let out a loud exhale, and I didn't know if he was preparing to argue his case. Aside from those two period days--thank Heaven for short menstrual cycles--we'd been at it every day, and he'd never asked for more outside the allotted window times.

"Then I want to hear you come for me again, right now while I listen."

"Chase, I'm outside." Trees only provided visual coverage, and there were no fireworks tonight. I couldn't depend on the chirping crickets to mask my moans.

"It's either that or I'm coming over."

I slipped my hand down between my thighs and under my skirt. I hadn't bothered to put my panties back on after he left. Either I'd produced a whole new batch of wetness from hearing his voice, or I was still soaked from earlier. It was impossible to tell; my arousal all ran together like watercolors these days.

"Are your fingers inside you?"

"Yes."

"Suck on them."

I brought two to my mouth and slid them over my tongue, closing my lips tightly before pulling them out. "Mmm... They remind me of you, Chase." The taste of his lips, the scent of his body--it was all a part of me. I didn't know where he began, and I ended. I repeated the motion over and over, thinking of him.

"Fuck, Jillian. I can hear you."

I traveled my fingers down my body, imagining they were his. As if I hadn't received enough from him. As if I weren't tired and swollen and sore. "I'm touching my pussy now," I whispered. "I'm going to make myself come, just like you wanted me to."

I heard him say softly, "I want a lot of things."

His breathing increased as mine did, as I manipulated my oversensitive clit. There was slight pain; it was raw, but it was a pleasurable discomfort. Images of Chase flooded my mind as I fantasized him there with me. His hardness taking me deeper, more within. Making me teeter on that line between just enough and too much.

"Come for me." His voice sounded way off in the distance as the ripples increased to waves, and I gave myself one more time.

A layer of sweat coated my skin, and I brushed the hair from my face. I was utterly spent. Sleeping outside seemed not only a plausible idea but a necessary one; I didn't think I could get up without falling back over.

"You there, Jillian?"

"Mmhmm. Are you coming over tomorrow?" I scanned my mental Rolodex, searching for the time we'd planned. "At noon." I didn't know if I could handle it, but I still wanted to try.

He laughed quietly. "You only want me for my body."

"Fact."

I curled into the swing, my eyelids too heavy to hold up any longer.

"Good night, Wild Horses. Sleep well."

"Night, Chase."

#

Chase didn't come over the next day or the next or the next. He'd canceled without an explanation, and although I had the sense that he wanted me to ask, I didn't. We didn't have that type of arrangement. If he couldn't make it over for our sex sessions, that was his business, not mine.

It was the morning of the fourth day, and I was hurting. My body was going through withdrawals, and I was moody and irritable. I'd never realized how much stress relief a good orgasm brought until it was denied. I could have picked out something from my bedroom drawer to bring a little relief, but somehow it wasn't the same anymore.

Damn you, Chase.

I waved to my neighbor, Michelle. She was walking down the street with her little poodle mix, heading in my direction. I picked up the paper and the mail from the day before, then waited at the end of my driveway for her to arrive.

"Morning, Jillian."

"Good morning. Perfect day for a walk." I should be getting my butt out to do the same, but as always, the phone calls weren't going to make themselves.

"Yep." She took a drag off her cig. "Hey, I see you've landed yourself some fresh meat. Good for you."

"Excuse me?"

"The pretty thing that's been hanging around. Doesn't stay too long, does he?" She winked, and I felt my face get warm.

"Oh, that's no big deal. Just a friend of mine."

Michelle nodded and smiled, and I knew she didn't believe me worth a damn. She knew we weren't having book club during those hours.

"Would you like to come in for a bit? I have that cream I need to return to you."

"Sure." We went up toward the house, Sasha trailing behind. "How'd that work out for you?" I gave her a look. Was she talking about Chase again? "The DermaIce."

"Oh! Unfortunately, not very well. It must have dried up on me weird; it made my face white and flaky."

"You used too much; that's all. Gotta get that right balance. Why don't you keep it, try it again?"

"No, I'm good. Thanks anyway."

We entered the house, going into the kitchen. I filled a bowl of water for the dog and a couple glasses of iced tea for us. Michelle plopped down on the chair, and Sasha lay by her feet. She dug around in her purse and pulled out a small canister.

"Here." She handed it to me. Pills? "These might come in handy for you, especially now."

I popped open the top and saw some small pink capsules inside. "What are they?"

Michelle waved her hand. "Don't worry; they're all natural. Just a little energizer to make you feel years younger. Wanna do what you can to keep up with the new boy trinket, right?"

I handed them back to her and sighed. "I'll pass." There was no way in hell I was taking something that was floating around in her bag. Between the miracle cream and the tape I'd discontinued using because it ripped off part of my eyebrow, I wasn't eager to get in line for the next product in Michelle's Pharmacy. It was liable to give me the side effect of sealing up my vagina. What good is more pep when you can't even have sex?

She shrugged, tossing them back in her purse as I excused myself to get the DermaIce. Along the way, I heard the ding, and I grabbed my phone.

Does tonight work for you?

I was truly bipolar or something. The flip in my mood when I saw Chase's text scared me. Was I becoming a sex addict?

Yes. 8:00?

How long do we have?

2 hours.

I waited for him to respond as I got her cream out of the bathroom cabinet. I started second-guessing things. Was that time okay? Was it too much time? I usually didn't schedule that long a period at once. Ding. I looked at the screen and smiled wide, my insides feeling gooey.

See you then, Wild Horses.

Oh, shit, what is the matter with me? Did I actually just skip back to the kitchen?

I gave Michelle her stuff back, then patted Sasha on the head before sitting down at the other side of the table, wondering if I looked as giddy as I felt. I swear it was like I was preparing to get laid for the first time ever.

"It's fun, eh?" she said. "Ride that horse as long as you can, honey."

My head did a quick jerk. "What--"

"You know, I dated one of those once. Engaged for a while too. Had a good twenty years on him." Another wink. "You should listen to me. I speak from experience."

My mouth widened. "Really?"

"Oh, sure." Her eyes looked upward, and she ticked off her fingers. "Between Tom and Jim."

"What happened?"

"Had to boot him out." She covered Sasha's ears with her hands. "Attention span of a puppy. Slobbering all over you one minute, bounding off the next and getting dirty. I got tired of cleaning up after his messes. Sure, he had the energy of a Jack Russell Terrier in the sack, but he just wanted someone to pick up after him. I decided I'd rather have someone take care of me instead."

"Wow." I wasn't sure what else to say. My brain could not wrap around the image of her and.... Twenty years younger? Just when you think you know your neighbors.

"And after a while, even the bedroom romps got to be a nuisance. I got tired of him humping on me all the time. It was impossible to turn him off, and housecoats just got him hornier than a tree frog."

Someone had wound her up and pulled her string, but I didn't want to stop her. It was mesmerizing to me, like a horrific fifty-car pileup where everyone walked away unscathed.

"Housecoats?" I said.

Michelle brought Sasha onto her lap. "I just meant he liked 'em older, made him frisky as hell. I shudder to think what would have happened if I'd started to wear orthopedic shoes."

"Huh. It was different with my mother. My dad is younger than her. He had a... uh, hard time with her aging." I didn't want to get into it much more than that.

"What kind do you got?" she asked.

"I have no idea." Was Chase like my father, or was he only after my wrinkles? And why did it even matter when this was a temporary situation?

"Well, you gotta figure it out. It's the only way you'll know how to get rid of him. You don't want him continuing to hang around after you've given him his walking papers." She scratched her chin. "But in the meantime, get as many facials as you can." She winked. "You know what I mean."

I scrunched my face. "No, I don't."

She made a handjob gesture. "Great for the skin. Make sure to rub it in good and leave on overnight. That young sperm has more of those antioxidants and stuff." I opened my mouth and shut it. There were no words. "My advice? You--"

A rap on the kitchen window caused both of us to flinch. It was Perry, and I waved her in. I wasn't expecting her today.

"Hey, what are you doing here? You remember--"

Perry nodded and smiled. "Yes. How's it going, Mabel?"

"It's Michelle."

"Oh, right. Sorry. I had a break, so I thought I'd stop by and chat." Perry only worked half a mile away.

Michelle stood up. "I need to get going anyway. It's time to give Henry his pill."

"Your dog?" Perry asked.

"My husband. Now remember, Jillian. As I was saying"--she finished her coughing fit--"milk him for all he's worth. And I mean that literally and figuratively, darlin'. But when it's time to settle down again, go for an older one. You won't get the same kind of action, but you'll be better off in the long run." She shook her head and muttered, "I might as well be eighty for as much as he gets it up."

Perry looked like she was biting the insides of her cheeks, and I shot her a dagger. Don't even think about it. She held it in until Michelle left, then busted out laughing.

"Seriously, Jills?"

"What?"

"Tell me you're not considering taking any advice from that woman."

"She's been through it before, Perry. It might not be the worst idea."

"You make it sound like a disease." She opened the fridge and pulled out a can of soda. "Speaking of, is she okay? I thought she was going to drop a lung on your floor."

"Yeah, she just has a little smoking habit." Perry raised her eyebrow, and I shrugged. Okay, it was more like a carton-a-day habit. Combined with a touch of emphysema.

"At any rate, I can't believe you're listening to that hairball hacker. Am I the only one who's sane around here?"

"She's a very nice person, Perry."

"I'm sure she is, but isn't she like on her tenth marriage? You don't go to a priest when you want to get knocked up."

I laughed. "It's her fourth, and I think this one's going to stick." I checked the time; I had to run out soon. "And I'm not looking for marriage--or even relationship--advice. I want insight into the older woman/younger man dynamic, and she's been there. I'm more interested in the best way to end it when we're finished... being casual."

Perry threw up her hands. "I am the only sane one. It's confirmed. It's over when it's over, Jills. It doesn't matter if he's eighteen or a hundred and eighteen." She flattened her mouth. "Well, that's not true. I suppose if he's that old, he'll probably die before you can break it off."

I had to get going so I could be back to make my calls. Fortunately, the mall was only ten minutes away from my house. "Listen, I don't mean to cut you short, but I have to take off for a bit and go to the store. You can wait here if you want."

She narrowed her eyes at me. "Why can't I go with you?"

I sighed, dropping my shoulders. "Okay, but you have to promise me you won't give me a hard time about anything I want to buy."

Yeah, like that would ever happen.

#

I adjusted the neckline for the hundredth time on my double-knit polyester blouse. How the hell did people wear these things? I felt like I was being strangled by a pressure cooker. Even with the air on, I was dying. But even that wasn't as bad as the matching pants. I pulled at the elastic waistband that came up to my breasts and took a deep breath before snapping them back.

Quit whining, Jillian. I was acting like a baby when I was the one who chose to dress like this. At least my hair was pulled up into a tight bun; that allowed one part of my body to be cool and comfortable.

I quickly downed a glass of ice water and tried to still my frantic heartbeat. I was beyond jittery for all kinds of reasons. I felt and looked idiotic, but I'd stuck to my goal. That was the main thing. Even after Perry told me I was apeshit-crazy loud enough for the entire mall to hear.

At two minutes to eight, Chase pulled into the driveway. For a second, I wondered if I was just shooting myself in my support-hosed foot, but it was too late now. I had to go through with the plan. Whichever way it went, I just hoped I'd get my fix in before he left.

When I opened the front door for him, I was sweating buckets. Partly due to nerves and partly because I was wearing my grandmother's couch. Damn, he looked good. Really, really good. I couldn't wait to get started. I frowned. Great. I was probably too gross and would have to waste time by taking a shower first.

Chase gave me a once-over, tilting his head. Then he came up and wrapped his arms around me. Hmm... Before my head could analyze it, my body took over and responded very favorably to the close contact. All the right places were pressing into me. So, so good.

"God, Jillian. I've missed you." He nuzzled against my neck, and I forgot all about my soaked skin. If it didn't bother him, I wasn't going to let it bother me. Of course, he was touching one of the few places that weren't covered, so maybe I'd have to rethink that later.

His kiss deleted some more brain cells, and I resigned to spending the rest of my night as a puddle. He popped open a few buttons on my blouse, enough to slip his hand inside. He paused and gave me a strange look. "What is this?"

"My bra." I said it like, 'Of course, what else would it be?' and he gave me that look again. But he did somehow manage to work his way into the triple-enforced steel enclosure and grasp a nipple. The sensation shot right to my core, and I whispered, "Bedroom. Now."

He continued to tease my breasts, taunting and rolling the nipples while his lips did their magic on mine. I moaned and writhed into him, colliding with the hardness I adored so much. I was about ready to drag him down the hall by his hair when something dawned on me. He was a freaking boulder.

I pulled back. "This turns you on, doesn't it? You have an old lady fetish."

He nibbled my ear. "I have a you fetish." He thrust my body closer to his, and my mind see-sawed. What to do? Why did I care?

"But you're like a rock. Not that you're not normally, but--"

He placed a finger over my lips. "It's been four days, Jillian. I've missed you. I was hard driving over just thinking about being with you again."

His fingers lightly stroked the sides of my neck, and I was going to combust. "It didn't have to be that long," I said softly. "I invited you over."

"I was giving you a recovery break." He gave a low chuckle. "Would you agree you needed it?" I squeezed my thighs together and nodded. I had; I'd been so sore, even if I would have been more than willing to ignore it. "Since it's my body you want, I wouldn't have done you any good by coming over and playing board games."

Okay, he had a point. His touch was dissolving me. I closed my eyes as his fingertips danced over my bare skin. "All recovered now," I said.

Chase laughed and took my hand, leading me as if it were his bedroom we were going to and not mine. One by one, he undid the rest of my buttons, and if he had anything to say about the Fort Knox brassiere, he didn't comment. I was so ready to be out of these clothes. As far as I could tell, I hadn't learned anything from my little experiment. If the mere thought of seeing me really had started to get him excited, then the costume hadn't affected him one way or the other. He was neither aroused nor turned off by it.

I had to help him remove the bra, and I felt even more ridiculous standing in my rose-colored pants and compression stockings, knowing about the granny panties underneath. Of all the stupid ideas....

He kissed the tops of my shoulders, then trailed his mouth over my collarbone and down my breasts. In no time, he was at the waistband. He tugged them down, only to find more barriers. Shaking his head, he tried peeling off the rest. "Your body's too beautiful to cover it this much, Jillian."

I worked with him to get the rest removed, thinking I was completely destroying the mood, but once again Chase surprised me. I was starting to believe that it would take a lot more to scare him away.

Reaching for his cock proved that--at least physically. He showed no signs of simmering down. I was now free from my self-imposed restrictions, and it was glorious. I could breathe deeply, I was open for him, and he was ready for me. "Please, Chase." I tugged at his clothes. "Take these off. Get naked with me."

Instead, he picked me up and placed me on the bed, lying next to me. He made no move to undress, and I tried to disregard the dwindling time. We'd normally be going on our second round by now and my fourth orgasm. He never seemed to go fully down before he sprang back to life again, even after he came. Ugh, stupid grandma clothes. They were going straight into the donation pile.

Chase lay on his side and me on my back, his fingers like hot glass gliding over my skin. He was excruciatingly slow, taking his time slicing me open and extracting my pleasure. Every nerve ending was sparked, and I was dying a slow, fiery death.

"Chase..." I didn't understand what was taking so long. I couldn't even if I tried harder. My intellect was shot to hell. I was a mass of senses, all buzzing and whirling. And I was wet. I was so painfully wet. Even in my incoherency, I knew I was a raging flood.

His warm mouth closed over one nipple, then the other. He continued to torment me with his touch, coming close to my screaming clit but moving up my belly instead. My muscles quivered. He hadn't even penetrated me in any shape or form. I was one hundred percent in there--was he still concerned about that? My pussy was pleading for it, begging to be slammed hard. If I weren't a bag of jelly, I'd toss him over and force myself down on him.

"God, Chase. I need you. Now." I gritted my teeth. His clothes were still on. Why were they still on?

"Relax, Jillian." He dragged a finger through my wetness as if to appease me. "You've let me fuck you. Now let me love you."

I was careening out of control, different parts of me vying for authority. This wasn't the way it was supposed to go. When we had our sessions, they were fast and furious. Hard thrusts over and over and over. Deep positions and cries of ecstasy. Raw, primal fucking with no concern other than physical pleasure. Even his tongue had a rough softness as he sucked every last orgasm from me.

But this... this was something else entirely. It was intimate, and my body responded just as well, if not better. I didn't know if I could handle that.

"Will you do that for me, Wild Horses?" He brushed his lips gently across mine. "Will you let me love you?"

"Yes." The word was out before I could stop it, but once it was said, that last part of me fighting let go.

Chase licked his way down my body and flicked his tongue over my clit. Once... twice was all it took to take the edge off. I liquefied into the bed, waves crashing against each other as they made their way through every tense muscle. A full-body climax and it was incredible. Exactly what I needed to relax fully and give myself over completely.

For the night, I was unequivocally his, whatever way he wanted me.

He must have kissed every inch of me, and I didn't rush him. I savored his tender lips and his gentle bites. His breath on my neck and his fingertips that cascaded over me, throwing my arousal into a whole new stratosphere. He was sending me high, his scent intensifying everything along the way. I came hard, and it was more satisfying than ever.

At some point, he'd taken off his clothes and laid his hot skin next to mine. I hadn't asked. I hadn't even been aware of it until after the fact. It must have been during one of those times my body slammed into the ceiling.

I placed my hand against his lower back; he was on his side, his erection bruising my hip. I brushed my fingertips over his tautness before rolling my body to face him. There was an instant current when his cock hit between my thighs.

We had never been that close, and I wanted it. At that moment, I'd never wanted more. His hand tangled in my hair, the tight bun a foolish, distant memory, and drew my mouth deeply into his. We kissed like lovers, no space between his body and mine. The only way we could get any closer was if he were inside me.

"Jillian." He tried moving back slightly, but I wanted him close. Close close close. He had to be hurting by that point, his erection painfully throbbing. He hadn't had the benefit of multiple orgasms to calm him down.

"Chase," I whispered into his ear, my hands in pure bliss as they touched wherever they could reach. His body was a marvel to me. Perfection. "I want to feel you, all of you, with nothing between us."

I wasn't sure he understood until I glided my wetness against him. There were no words for how badly I wanted this. His eyes widened. "How...?"

"It's your choice. I'm yours tonight, Chase." I smiled lightly. "I trust my body enough to know I'm safe, but you'll need to trust me too. It's all your decision, and I'll accept whatever you want." I'd accept it, but there was no doubt what I was hoping his answer would be. He'd told me that he'd never fucked without a condom before. Never. I believed him, and I believed in my body to know it wasn't a viable time to get pregnant. "I promise you, Chase. I would never do anything to trap you."

"I know, Jillian." His voice was barely audible as he slid inside me. His body shook as he filled me, as he pressed deeper and deeper. For a moment, I was concerned that his decision frightened him, that he was regretting the impulsiveness. Until I saw his face. He thrust inside me gently, then with more urgency. I'd never experienced anything so delicious, and I knew he felt the same.

"I know, Jillian," he repeated, "but sometimes I wish you would."

#

The sound of a phone roused me just enough to think it was part of my dream. All I saw was a haze around me. Slowly things came into focus, and I noticed the clock read 5:57 a.m. I wiped my eyes, remembering something about not being able to discern numbers in dreams. I didn't know it that was true or not but realized I had to be awake if I was thinking about it.

In the next breath, it hit me. Chase was not there, and the spot beside me in bed was cold. How long had he been gone? I can't believe I never even stirred. The last thing I remember was falling asleep in his arms after making love. Making love.

My heart sank. I didn't know what felt worse--Chase not being there or allowing myself to get into the position whether I cared if he was there or not. It wasn't long ago when I would have been pissed off if he'd stayed over. Now the fact that he hadn't left me... empty. And that sucked. It sucked so bad that I wanted to erase all traces of the night.

Even though it had been phenomenal.

Dammit, Jillian, what is your problem? Chase had stuck to the two-hour time window, or close to it, and that's what should've mattered. I curled into a ball and tried to go back to sleep. I had a client meeting later in the day, but otherwise, it wasn't crucial for me to get out of bed early. I'd been working enough lately; I could afford to be lazy.

I lay there for a while, lids shut tightly and annoyed that I was so awake, when I remembered the tone that had stirred me earlier. I'd forgotten to check if it was real or not. I reached over and grabbed the cell, scrolling through the missed calls.

Chase. I held the screen to my chest for a moment, not sure how to proceed. He hadn't left a message, and I didn't know how I felt. Well, I knew how I felt, but I didn't want to feel that way. I smoothed my hand over the rumpled sheets. I loved this bed. It was the very first thing I bought after the divorce. I needed a fresh start, something that was all my own since I'd decided to keep the house. When all this with Chase was said and done, would I have to go out and buy another one again?

I was being silly and melodramatic. A seven-week fling could hardly be compared to a seventeen-year marriage. It wasn't the amazing sex that counted; it was the intensity of the feelings when you weren't having sex.

Fuck, I was in trouble.

As I was debating what to do, he texted me: Good morning. Well, that simplified things. Texting back was easier than calling. I was such a baby.

Good morning. I didn't hear you leave.

God, why would I even mention that?

You were out cold. I hope you slept well.

I touched between my legs. He'd come inside me last night and every part of me still felt him. Dammit, I missed him.

I did, I replied.

How late are you working tonight? Can I see you?

I felt a rush at doing this all over again. I was safe for another week, but just because I couldn't get pregnant, did that really mean I was safe? I could have made a stupid, stupid mistake. I'd allowed him into my body in such a personal way, and it was obviously screwing with my sanity. We should have just stuck to hard fucking. Next time, it'll be doggie-style. No kissing, no eye contact, minimal touching.

I should be done by 6. What about you?

Staying home all day working on the fall itinerary, he texted.

Maybe I should stop over and help you with that, so you don't get anything wrong.

Shit. Was that too flirty-ish? But I was interested in the schedule he was planning for the upcoming school year. Would we still be sleeping together then, a whole month away?

You should. These are impressionable young minds and I don't want to mess something up. I need your help.

I smiled. Okay, time to get back on track.

My place 8-10?

How about 6-8? It's sooner.

My heart skipped, but I wrestled it back. That sounds good. There's no chance of falling asleep and extending the time, I told him.

Right.

"To recap, Mr. Reed--"

"Please, call me Kurt."

I nodded. "Kurt." I spread the papers out in front of him. "Your AUM is ten million. You are bringing over your book of five hundred twenty thousand. You will have a three-month initial period in which you will take home a base salary of seventy-five thousand per year plus commission plus bonuses. You will have an additional twenty-four-month production period in which you'll receive your salary. However, once that period is over, your salary terminates, but by that time, you should be receiving a very decent residual income from your book revenue."

I took a deep breath. "Sound good so far, Kurt?" He nodded, and I continued. "Your first quarter goal is ten thousand. You will receive a quarterly cash bonus based on assets, a yearly stock bonus, and an incentive bonus based on anything brought in over and above your goal. Oh, and you'll receive full benefits starting from day one."

Kurt picked up the pen. "Perfect, Jillian." I pointed out all the places for him to sign and glanced around his tiny apartment kitchen. Based on his performance so far, he'd be moving out in no time if that's what he chose. He was a new and upcoming broker, and he was killing it.

He handed me the signed papers, and I stacked them up. The deal was done, and so was my work there. I held out my hand. "Congratulations. Keep pulling in those kinds of numbers and you'll be wildly successful."

Kurt shook my hand, holding it a bit longer than I felt comfortable. "So, we are officially finished?" he asked.

"Yes." The negotiations had come to a close, along with any future dealings on my part with Kurt Reed. He was now in the fine hands of Barclay Schmit Investment Firm. "Mr. Morgan will be expecting you on Monday. Congratulations, again." I collected my things to leave, gathering all my copies and sliding them into my bag. I'd organize them later at home.

"Would you like to grab a drink or coffee sometime?"

I picked up my head. Seriously? He was very attractive; I couldn't deny that. He'd also be rolling in money soon, if that type of thing mattered to me. Which it didn't. I could make my own. He was in his late twenties, which automatically ruled him out, but it wouldn't have changed anything if he were late thirties. It was flattering, but no.

"No, thank you," I said. "I'm seeing someone." Even though Kurt and I were no longer working together, I still had to keep it professional. 'Seeing someone' sounded like the most reasonable reason for a date rejection.

"Goes to show that I can't win at everything."

"Yes, well, have a nice evening, Mr. Reed."

He smiled. "Likewise, Ms. Hudson. You know where to find me should you change your mind."

No chance in hell, Kurt.

I went back to my car, relieved to be done for the day. It was almost five, and before I knew it, Chase would be over. I sat in the seat, thrumming my fingers on the wheel. I was contemplating the best route to drive home, considering rush hour on a Friday night.

I dug around in my purse for some lip balm and pulled out the pink key chain. I'd forgotten to show it to Chase. I saw it at one of the mall kiosks yesterday and bought it without a second thought. It was perfect, a pink guitar that played "Take Me Out to the Ballgame." Very unusual and very cool. Of course, Hazel had instantly come to mind, not that she'd have any use for a keychain at her age. Perry had raised her eyebrows at that one--me buying something for one of Chase's kids--but she was too busy telling me I'd freaking lost it because of the clothes to say much about it.

As I pondered between the freeway and side streets, I became very aware how close I was to Chase's place. I twirled the key chain between my fingers. He was right on my way home if I took that direction. Which I probably should, since it'd be the least congested.

It couldn't hurt just to pass by and check if his car was out front. I really wouldn't mind taking a peek at that itinerary; plus, we were scheduled to meet soon enough anyway. I sent him a quick text to warn him. I wasn't a fan of the pop-ins.

I was driving down Oakland ten minutes later, spotting the Ford in the driveway. I pulled over to the curb and parked, checking my phone. No response yet.

I walked up to the door and rang the doorbell, my butterflies having a field day. This was so unlike me, coming over when I knew there could be others around. No big deal, though. We're just a couple of friends. Until six o'clock. Then we were fuck buddies.

"Whatever you're selling, I'm buying."

A guy stood in the doorway, hair dripping into his bloodshot eyes. I didn't recognize him; it wasn't one of his roommates. I guess I did look a little salesy in my suit and heels.

"Is Chase here?"

He held the door open, and I stepped inside. The air was thick with smoke, the acrid stench sticking all over me. Great. I glanced around and saw two guys and a girl passed out on the grimy-looking couch; her shirt pulled halfway off. A bottle of Jack was wedged into the arm and leaking onto the carpet. Really? The weekend had barely started.

He lit up a joint and handed it to me. I started to regret coming there. I didn't have time for this shit. I shook my head, ready to leave when Trevor sauntered into the room, zeroing in on me. He looked even worse, an over-baked weed brownie. His smell filled my nose in a room that was already oversaturated.

"Hey, I know you. You're the chick from the park."

"Yes, hi. Can you get Chase, please?"

I'd been in that house before for a quickie session, but it was dark, and Chase's hard cock was a major distracter. I hadn't paid much attention to the surroundings. But being there now was a bucket of ice water in the face, followed by a jagged brick. It threw a huge amplifier over our differences. This was how many young twenty-somethings acted until they got their shit together, and I was not in that place anymore.

"He's not here."

"What? Yes, he is. His car's out front." Do not piss me off, Trevor.

"Nope. Grabbed his guitar and took off in Ric's. In a hurry to see someone and couldn't take the time to fill up his car. With gas."

Guitar? His speech was slow, and it annoyed the hell out of me. I gritted my teeth. "No, that can't be right. He's meeting me soon."

Another kid walked in, hands in his front pockets. "Hey, Ric. Where'd Chase go? She don't believe me."

Ric shrugged. "Ran off to meet some young chick or something."

Trevor turned to me and waved his hand. "There ya go." I frowned. No, that didn't even make a bit of sense. "If you ask me, he made a mistake." His breath was stinking up my personal space. I swiveled toward the door, but he caught my wrist. "You don't have to leave. Join the party." He locked both his arms on either side of my head, boxing me against the wall. "We can play naughty babysitter."

I pushed aside my frantic heartbeat and looked him in the eye. "Put your fucking arms down. Now."

A slow smile spread across his face, and he lowered them. "A firecracker."

I hightailed it out of there, and when I made it back to my car, I let out an enormous breath. I really should consider taking some self-defense classes. That could have turned out much differently.

I barely remembered driving home; my mind was a tangled mess, and coming into my driveway was the rotten cherry on top of the melted sundae. I wanted to scream. I pulled into the garage, stepped out of the car, and slammed the door behind me.

"What are you doing here?"

My ex held up a key. "Returning this as promised. I forgot to leave it the other night."

I snagged it and put it into my purse. "Thank you, but you do still have one of the garage door openers."

"Oh, right. I'll get that back another time." He leaned in and sniffed me. "When did you start smoking again?"

"God, Mike. Do I look like I'm high to you?" I shook my head. "Is that all you wanted?"

He didn't say anything for a time, and I got the sinking suspicion he was trying to make something up. I felt my frustration level rise. "Hey," he said, pulling out his cell. "Did you see Daniel's new pictures?"

"Yes, Mike. You know that he sent them to me too."

He started scrolling through them, laughing. "What did you think about the one of him at Rossi's? Pretty funny, huh?"

"It was Luini's."

"No, I don't think so. Look."

I turned out to be right, but the damage was done. He'd already sucked me in. We stood there pouring through all the photos, and I couldn't stop until the last one. Man, I missed that boy.

I checked the time: 6:17. Chase was never late. Never. Something was up. "I really have to go and change out of these clothes now. Thanks again for dropping off the key."

I was halfway up the front walk before I noticed he was following me like a puppy. "Hey, you need any help decluttering or something?" he asked.

Are you fucking shitting me? What was up with the men today--was I giving off an 'I have meaningless sex' vibe?

I turned to face him. "What's going on, Mike? Is this about Candace again?"

"Well, now that you asked...."

I righted forward and went into the house. We'd barely spoken since before the divorce, and now he was my bud? I kicked off my heels, then made a beeline directly to the bedroom to peel off my suit. To no surprise, Mike was waiting for me in the living room when I came out.

I sat there physically listening to him ramble on about his commitment angst, but the rest of me was somewhere else. Close to seven, I got a text.

I'm so sorry I missed you, Jillian. I'll be there later to explain everything.

I stared down at the screen. I don't think so. Sure, we were casual, but that didn't mean he could blow me off for someone else and expect me to wait patiently while he did it. I'd be a slut long before I'd be some guy's doormat.

"Something wrong?" Mike asked.

"No, it's fine." I set the phone down and rested my head back. I hated that this affected me, but what did I expect? "And I still don't understand why you're telling me this stuff and not the person you should be."

"You're easier to talk to."

Like that made a lick of sense. I rubbed my eyes. Between last night and today, I was drained. It wasn't much later before I received an incoming call, which I declined, and then another text.

Jillian?

Mike gave me a look. "There is something wrong. Does this have to do with your, uh, friend?" I didn't respond; he was the last person I'd talk to about Chase. "Did I mention that I saw him today at St. Mary's?"

My head snapped sideways. "What? No. When?"

"At least I think it was him. He was running in as I was leaving."

"Fuck, Mike. When?" Those frustration levels were nearing their peak. He'd waited until now to say something?

"Settle down. I don't know. Before I came over. Around five maybe?"

I jumped up and stuffed my phone into my purse, pulling out my car keys. "Up, Mike. Now. I have to leave."

#

St. Mary's was approximately fifteen minutes away. I dialed Chase on the way. My heart was battering in my chest as I waited for him to answer.

"Jillian." His tone was one of relief, and I felt like the biggest bitch who'd ever lived.

"Chase, are you at the hospital?" I blurted out quickly.

"Yes, how--"

"Why? What's happening?"

"I'm here with Hazel--"

"Oh, my God."

"Jillian, it's fine. She's fine. Her grandmother will be here soon, and then I'm leaving to come over. I'll explain it all then, but I have to get going now."

"Chase, I'm already on my way there."

I managed to get the room number even after he told me it wasn't necessary to make the trip. I was almost there anyway. He told me she was fine, but I still had that pit in my stomach. She was such a sweet little girl, and I hated the thought of her lying on a hospital bed.

I rushed to the children's wing and searched for room 205. Was it even visiting hours? I didn't care, and no one was stopping me. I heard the strumming first before I found it. The door was ajar, and I peeked inside. Chase was in a chair pushed beside the bed, guitar in his lap, playing a Guns N' Roses song.

"Is that appropriate?" I asked, stepping inside.

His smile took up his entire face. "She requested it."

"Jillian!"

I went to Hazel's side and gave her a once-over. She appeared okay. "Hi, sweetie." I pushed her bangs off her forehead. "How are you feeling?" I had so many questions.

"Good."

I suddenly remembered the key chain lounging around in my bag. Perfect. I reached in for the pink guitar and pushed the button, activating the music. Her face lit up as I handed it to her. "This is for you, Hazel."

"Oh, thank you. I love it!"

Such a simple thing, but it seemed to make her happy, and that made my heart swell. Her grandmother, Linda, came in then, all flustered and harried. I didn't hear what Chase said to her, but after a hello and a dozen thank yous, we left the room with Chase waving.

"Bye, Hazelnut," Chase said, and she waved to both of us. As soon as we were in the hall, he set down his guitar case and pulled me close. "That was awesome of you, Jillian."

"What, the little key chain? It was just--" He kissed me then, and I let all the weight dissolve. Everything that had piled on me from the day. What was left was pure guilt, and I pulled back. "Chase, I'm so sorry for not responding before, I--"

He placed his finger over my lips, silencing me again. "It's okay. I love that you're here now."

"What's wrong with Hazel?"

"Come, let's walk." He picked up his case and took my hand. "It's nothing that isn't expected from time to time. She has a kidney condition and suffers relapses. Linda's husband died a couple years back, so she's Hazel's sole supporter. She can't afford to leave her job all the time or she'll lose it. That's when I step in. I stay with Hazel until Linda can get there. I will never let her be in this place alone if I can help it."

"Is she going to be okay?"

"I'm optimistic." He squeezed my hand. "I wanted to let you know sooner why I had to postpone, but I--"

"Stop, Chase." This time, I interrupted him. I know he'd never try to make me feel like a piece of shit, but that's exactly how I felt. "What you're doing is wonderful. I was the one who jumped to conclusions after stopping by your place."

"So you really did stop over?" He seemed pretty happy about that. It came to me then--he did run off to see a young chick. A really young one. I didn't know whether to laugh or cry.

I nodded. "Your roommate, Trevor. He's... something." I felt no need to get into it since I didn't plan on seeing the dickhead again.

"By something, you mean a fuck-up?" I laughed. Yeah, pretty much. "He wasn't always like that, but he's moving out next month anyway. Now, Con? He's cool. I'm glad he's staying."

We came to the front doors and stopped. "Can I take you somewhere," he asked, "or do you need to get home?"

"No, I'm okay."

Chase led me out and down the concrete path, wrapping around to the back of the building and into a wooded area. "It's one of my favorite spots. I used to come here often when I was younger, but this is my first time coming with someone else."

We went into a small clearing. There was a huge flat rock in the middle of it. I'm not sure what I was expecting, but it wasn't this. He wrapped his hands around my waist, the contact setting off the familiar zing, and picked me up as if I were nothing. He placed me on the rock before moving around to the other side to join me.

We lay back; it was large enough for us to stretch out, but small enough to keep us touching. I stared up at the sky through the parted treetops. It was twilight, and I could see the first hints of stars above me.

He took my hand in his once again. "Did you used to live around here?" I asked.

"Sometimes I felt like my mom did." I turned my head toward him, and he smiled softly. "She had rheumatic fever, and it weakened her heart. She spent a lot of time in this hospital. My dad worked two jobs, so I was with her most of the time. Whenever I needed to get away, I'd come to this rock and practice my chords or just zone out and look at the sky."

I realized that I had no clue about his parents. "Is your mom...?"

"She's doing well now. Much better than before." I exhaled slowly. I didn't know her, but it would have saddened me to learn that something had happened. "I think that's why I connected instantly with Hazel. She had something similar to my mom, but instead of damaging her heart, it attacked her kidneys."

God, I couldn't imagine going through something like that with Daniel. "So, her grandmother has full custody?"

"Yeah. Hazel's mother died when she was just a baby. Heroin overdose."

Fuck. My heart constricted. I wanted to do more for that girl than just give her a silly little key chain. "Daniel's mom left too. He was about one and a half." Chase shifted his body to the side and faced me. Watched me with irises the color of the softest grass in the summertime. He always made me feel like he was so interested in what I had to say, and that made me comfortable enough to say it. "Although, in her case, we don't know if she's dead or alive. She was messed up. Just decided she didn't want to be a mother anymore and packed up and moved to Florida with some guy. Mike never heard from her again and never pursued it. They weren't married, and he figured Daniel would have a better life without her."

I caught my breath, studying his expression. I was revealing more than I normally would, and I didn't know how he interpreted that. He smiled and gave me a light kiss, and I was encouraged to continue.

"I came into that little boy's life when he was just shy of two and I was twenty. Mike and I married shortly after. Daniel doesn't even remember her. I'm the only mom he's ever known."

Chase stroked my hair. "That was a lot for you to take on at that age."

"He means the world to me, Chase. I have to believe that I changed his life. I know he changed mine."

"And your ex? What happened there?"

A part of me wanted to tape my mouth shut; way too much was spilling free. But the part that needed to talk, that's the part that won out. "I used to laugh and say it was a package deal. If I wanted to be with Daniel, then I had to accept Mike. We made good parents, but not the best marriage partners. Once Daniel was an adult, there didn't seem to be any reason to stay together."

Among other reasons. I wasn't going to get into the alleged affair because honestly, I couldn't put all the blame on my ex. Our relationship was over long before Candace came into his office. If it ever started in the first place. Even in the very beginning, my heart never sprouted legs and broke out into a happy dance when Mike put his lips or eyes on me.

I waited to see if Chase would ask more about it, but he didn't. I guess it was pretty self-explanatory--I'd wanted Daniel in my life more than I'd wanted his father.

The stars were sharpening, painting a portrait across the inky sky. It was a breathtaking show, and we had the perfect seats. Chase gave my hand another pump, and I smiled. It was impossible to help. What was happening to me? I was probably leaking sap all over the rock.

"I've been crazy since I met you, Chase. Acting crazy. Thinking crazy."

"Is that a bad thing?"

"It's not a me thing. I'm not usually like this. Might as well tack on dressing crazy too. Last night, those clothes... I normally don't wear stuff like that."

He laughed. "I figured that, Jillian."

"And the night we went for Cajun food? The reason my face resembled white crepe paper was because I overdid this cream that was supposed to make me look closer to your age. See? Crazy."

"Just so I'm clear here, are you trying to be younger or older? Because I'm confused."

"God, I don't know." I covered my face with one hand and shook my head. If he didn't make me so crazy, I'd probably be able to answer that question.

"Let me give you my opinion. Just be yourself." He stroked his thumb over my hand, and I closed my eyes. "Do you know how hard it was for me to leave you last night? Do you know how much I wanted to stay? But I didn't want you to freak out on me."

"It's really hard for me, Chase. This... thing with us." I'd decided that if he was going to listen, I was going to keep talking. "My dad is fourteen years younger than my mom, and that did not end well. It was not a positive experience for her, me, or my brother. The thought of doing that to Daniel or myself... Even a short-term thing can mess up worlds."

Especially if that short-term thing developed into long-term heartache. I was already too open to him without meaning to be, as if he'd reached his hands into my chest and pried it open while I was knocked out on the table. And by the time I came to, I was permanently altered and couldn't do a damn thing about it.

It didn't matter if this "thing" between us lasted one more day or one more year. He was already imprinted on my heart, and I had the scars to prove it.

"I get it."

"You do?"

"Yeah, I do, but I disagree. There are no guarantees with anything, Wild Horses."

"True. But the odds were already against us from the beginning." I opened my eyes again; the view was too beautiful to block out for long. Both above and beside me.

"I'd say the odds were working for us. There's something to be said about two sexual peaks coming together."

A little fireball rolled through me. Another thing I felt helpless to control. Yes, our sexual peaks were lining up quite nicely, thank you very much.

"But I'm talking about more than that, Jillian. For one, I love your passion for music because it's mine as well. I love talking to you about it, experiencing it with you. I know lots of people like it, but you get it, and that means something to me."

Lying there hand in hand, watching the stars, completely alone as if we were the only two people who mattered was a painful pleasure. It was both perfect and agonizing. As wonderful as it was in the moment, it was not realistic, and it couldn't last.

"Do you know what I was doing the year you were born, Chase? I was at County Stadium seeing Paul McCartney. Doesn't that feel weird to you?"

"No, I think it's pretty cool."

He broke our grasp and leaned over the rock, grabbing his guitar. The next thing I knew, "Maybe I'm Amazed" was filling the air. I sang along in my head, milking the feeling for all it was worth.

There was no fucking. No multiple orgasms. No making love. There was just being together, talking, and enjoying each other's company.

And I was okay with that.

#

That's not to say fucking, multiple orgasms, and making love were off the table. They were very much on, and often; I just couldn't call it meaningless anymore. These get-togethers with Chase couldn't be classified as strictly casual, and I acknowledged that to myself. I owned my feelings and because of that, I was able to keep them in check.

I was a grown woman with my own house and a successful business. I was fully independent and self-sufficient. I could certainly handle a little flutter of the heart.

What are you doing?

The text came as I lay in bed, the scent of him still strong. I hadn't bothered to put on any clothes because the only thing I wanted against my skin was the remembrance of his body all over it.

Same thing I always do after you leave.

Think of me?

I smiled, running my hand over my stomach. He'd been over every night for the past seven days, but tonight was the earliest he'd left. I had an appointment in the morning that I needed to be awake for. All those nights Chase hadn't technically slept over, but his departure times had gotten progressively later. We'd seemed to completely disregard the one- to two-hour slot windows.

It's hard not to think of you when you're dripping down my thighs.

I love that I'm still there with you. Put your fingers in your pussy and taste both of us together.

I did as he said, bringing my fingers to my mouth. I wanted him back in my bed. I wanted him beside me as I sucked them. I wanted him to spill inside me again so I could feel him leak out. I wanted....

I want to taste your cock as it glides over my tongue. I want more than your come filling my pussy. I want it shooting down my throat.

So many things I wanted tonight. I felt greedy, but in a good way. I couldn't get enough of him. How had I not swallowed him down yet? It seemed impossible with all we'd done, but he was always so focused on me and having orgasms slam into you almost constantly was a little distracting.

Fuck, Jillian. You keep talking like that, you know I'm coming back over.

I do give a damn good blowjob. You really should experience it.

And how do you know it's good?

I was in the middle of typing my response when he beat me to it.

No, wait. Don't answer that.

I forgot that he could get jealous, which was silly, really. We weren't virgins when we met; I knew my way around a male body, even if those men needed directions around mine. Until Chase. He was a professional driver who could navigate the course with his eyes closed.

I meant that I think it's good, but I'll need more practice to be sure. Will you help a girl out and let me choke on your cock?

Dammit. You're not making this easy on yourself. Don't you have to get up early?

Yes, but being tired is a worthy tradeoff for feeling you inside me again.

Why did I ever let him leave? So I'd be a little sleepy for my appointment. At least it was over the phone, and I could hide my baggy eyes and saggy lids. I didn't even have to get dressed.

You only want me for my body, he texted.

Bunk.

The shrill ring of my phone flung me upward. Perry. It was barely five a.m. My heart started hammering. This couldn't be good. She never called this early.

"What's wrong?" I blurted out as soon as I answered. There was a strange gurgling sound on the other end, and I really started to panic. "Oh, God. Perry, what's going on?"

Chase stirred beside me, mumbling, "Everything okay?"

"Sorry. Had to clear Stephen's cock from my mouth first. Now I can talk."

"What?!"

"Kidding!" Perry busted out laughing, and she was lucky she wasn't in front of me. I would have throttled her for scaring the shit out of me. "That was my happy noise."

My head was murky. What the hell was happening here? I turned to Chase and whispered, "Everything's fine. You can go back to sleep. I'll take this call in the other room."

"Who's that? Who are you talking to?" Perry demanded. I slipped from the bed and stumbled down the hall. "Holy fuck, Jills!" she screamed in my ear, and I had to pull the phone away. "Chase slept over?"

"I never said it was Chase, and you're hurting my head."

"You actually let him?" She completely disregarded the possibility that it wasn't Chase. "And he didn't have to tranquilize you first?"

I rubbed my temple and wondered if it was even worth it to go back to sleep. I should just make a pot of coffee and push through. "Perry, can we get back to why you called? What would possibly get you so jacked up at this hour?"

As soon as the words left my mouth, I knew. Holy shit. I fist pumped the air. Yes! Forget the coffee; I was fully jolted awake now.

Perry screamed again, and it didn't even affect me. I was so freaking excited for her. "He proposed, he proposed, he proposed." She was half-singing, half-shrieking and probably dancing around the house. "I would have called you sooner, but we just finished celebrating."

"Oh, my God, tell me everything. How'd he do it?"

"Well, first he took me from the top while he gazed into my eyes, then we switched to behind while he--"

"Perry!"

"Okay." She giggled, then sighed loudly. "It was so romantic, Jills. After spending the day together doing all my favorite things, he took me down to the lakefront, and we walked along the beach. We sat and watched the waves for a while and then one of those planes flew by. You know, the kind I always thought was so sappy? It wrote out a Will you marry me message. At first, I thought it wasn't for me because there was no name along with it. I glanced around the beach, looking for another couple, but all I saw was your brother down on his knee. I swear I almost lost it, Jills. I almost started blubbering all over the damn sand. He told me it was the anniversary of the first time he said, 'I love you.' We were on that same beach when it happened too. I can't believe he remembered something like that."

Wow, I couldn't either. Stephen told me he was trying to make the proposal amazing for her, but I had no idea he'd come through so well. I was so happy for both of them I wanted to explode all over the place.

"And the ring... Oh, my God, it's gorgeous. Honestly, I wouldn't have cared if it came from a Cracker Jack box, but after seeing it, I'm glad it didn't. It is just so... me. He gets me, Jills. I've never had a man so into me, and I'm never letting him go."

My smile was enormous. "I knew it'd be perfect for you," I said without thinking. Shit.

"Wait a minute... You knew about this?"

"Um--"

"You let me suffer all this time and didn't say anything? I thought you're my best friend? I thought you loved me? I thought--"

"Perry, stop. I do love you; that's why I didn't tell you. I didn't know any details, I just saw the ring and knew he was planning something. I didn't want to take the magic away from you by letting you know beforehand. Do you think you'd have been that excited if every second you were with him, you were constantly wondering if that was the moment?"

"Well, when you put it that way... I guess I can forgive you since you're going to be my official sister and all. And I'm way too happy to be upset right now. But I will get you back someday, somehow."

She laughed, and I knew all was good. "I can't wait to see the ring."

"You just said you already did."

"Not while it was on your finger." I walked into my office and rested my head against one of the huge windows. The sun would be rising soon.

"That's true. So what are your plans today? Besides morning sex."

"Let's see. I have a teleconference in less than two hours. Then around noon, I'll be getting my period, and then I agreed to watch Chase play baseball at three. After that, not sure."

"Hmm... public stuff. So for afterward, why don't you just say you'll be having more sex? You know that's what you'll be doing."

"No, Perry. Didn't you just hear me say I'll have my period?"

"Maybe he's into that."

"It doesn't matter if he is. I'm not. Why do you think he's still here this morning? I wanted to get in one last time before I'm out of commission for the next two days."

"You can't lie worth shit, Jills." I fixated on the dove's nest sitting on top of my water spout outside to keep from chuckling. "You know very well why he's there. Now, you're going to repeat after me: I will never lie to my best friend and sister ever again."

"I will never lie to my best friend and sister ever again." I couldn't help it this time; I started to laugh.

"Now say, 'Chase is still here because I care about him. It's more than just sex.' Got it?"

"Chase is still here because I care about him. It's more than just sex. I really like him."

"I never told you to say that last part." Oh, damn. That must have just slipped out somehow. "So, where's he playing today?"

"Killmer Field."

"Okay, I'll come out and sit with you awhile before I need to meet up with Stephen again. I'll bring the smelling salts in case you pass out from swooning so hard."

"Sounds good, Perry. See you then."

I turned around to see Chase leaning against the doorway, naked and hard. Fuck.

"You really like me, huh?"

My eyes traveled over his body. I felt like I'd received my favorite Christmas present every time I looked at him. "And that turns you on?"

"You have no idea, Wild Horses." His voice added more intensity to the throb. He held out his hand, and I went to him. I wasn't going to waste my remaining time sleeping. He pulled me tight against him. "You have no idea," he repeated into my ear.

I had some idea.

#

A touch on my shoulder made me swing my head around. "Hey, you made it!" I said.

"Of course I did, silly." Perry sat beside me on the bleachers just as the opposing batter struck out. She wrapped her arms around mine and pulled me close. "Damn, he's hot."

"Who?"

"You know who." She rolled her eyes. "Who, she asks. Your boyfriend, who do you think? Although, in your defense, there are several hot, sweaty guys out there."

"He's not... Never mind. And what are you doing looking at them? You're an engaged woman now."

She eeked, squeezing and making my arm go numb before letting go. "Look," she said, thrusting her hand in my face.

I lowered her fingers, then tilted them back and forth. "Beautiful. It really does look like it was made just for you. Sitting in a box doesn't do it justice."

Perry nodded. "God, I'm so happy. I love him so much, Jills."

"I know. Talk about a date yet?"

"Probably next summer. You know you're going to be my maid of honor, right? You don't have a choice, so congratulations, you're it."

"But what about your sister?"

"She'll be standing up too, but you're the one I want beside me. You'll have to deal with all my craziness, of course, and I'll be dragging you around everywhere for the next year. You're going to be eating so much cake you'll puke, with enough thick, sugary frosting to choke an elephant. Then you'll have to sit through at least five hundred dress changes and be brutally honest about each one, even if it makes me want to stuff a veil down your throat to shut you up. So basically, you'd better keep seeing Chase because he makes you happy, and the last thing I'm going to want is a bitchy maid of honor."

A tear rolled down her face, and I gave her a hug. "Oh, Perry. It sounds perfect. I'd be honored." I knew my brother loved her as much as she loved him, but for him to make her this blissfully happy made me want to cry along with her.

"Well, then." She wiped her eyes. "It's settled. I'm the law now, and I'm making you and Chase celebrate with me and my fiancé on Friday."

I shook my head. "Perry, that's not a good idea."

"Don't worry about Stephen, okay? Please do this. For me?"

I stood up and clapped when Chase snagged a line drive in center field. "I'll think about it." I could not imagine it happening. Sure, we had feelings for each other, but we weren't technically a couple. Why put all of us through an uncomfortable night unless we were serious? And if we were serious, that would freak out my brother even more. It looked like any scenario wouldn't bode well.

"You guys do anal yet?"

I slammed myself back down on the bench so fast I got lightheaded. "Fuck, Perry," I whispered. "What is wrong with you? Keep it down."

She waved her hand. "Pfft. No one's listening. So, have you?"

"No, we haven't."

"You should. Let him take your partial ass virginity and make up for the freak show Mike put you through."

"I don't like it. That's not going to change just because it's a different cock." I couldn't believe we were talking about this here. I was just as bad as she was, but at least I was quiet about it.

"Bullshit. Of course it'll be different. Everything with Chase is different, is it not?"

I nodded. She was right about that, but still... I shuddered, thinking about the first and only time Mike and I tried anal sex. He'd made it halfway before I wanted to cut off his dick and shove it down his throat. So yeah, not such a pleasurable experience.

"I bet he'd make it sexy. You already said how fantastic the sex is. You never once said that about your ex."

I turned toward her. "Don't you think it's strange how good he is? I mean, it's not like he's had a lifetime to perfect his technique. He works my body like he's owned it forever."

She shrugged. "He's on the younger side, but it's not like he's sixteen. There could have been dozens of women already. Maybe he was a total slut before he met you."

"Thanks."

"Ha! You do get jealous."

"No, I don't. I don't care how many he's slept with. It's just weird thinking about, that's all."

"Uh-huh." I shifted in my seat, dodging a small cramp. Luckily, they were mild and only lasted for the first half day. "Or maybe the reason he's so good is because he's just that into you." I rotated my hips in the other direction. "What is the matter with you?"

"Just a few twinges."

"Oh, right. You got your period. At noon."

"Actually twelve fifteen."

"That's some freaky shit, Jills. I don't know how you know this stuff." I didn't know either; I just did. My superpower, I guess. "Okay, I need to take off. I trust you'll be okay if I leave you with Chase?" I gave her a look, and she laughed. "See you both Friday. Love ya."

She left, and I went back to watching the game, wondering how I was going to get out of it. I'd still go, but bringing Chase with me sounded as harmonious as a flute with no holes.

I felt a person sit close beside me, and I turned. "Perry, what'd you--"

"Hey, firecracker."

My stomach rolled, and I moved down a bit, brushing off all the bugs that had just landed on me. I did my best to ignore him and focus on the field, but his energy was oozing over. I'd probably make it too big of a deal to get up and go somewhere else, so I just stayed put. We were in a public area anyway.

Trevor scooted toward me. "Now, why do you have to go and be like that? I only wanted to apologize for my behavior the other day. It wasn't cool to get all alpha on you. Obviously, you're not into that shit."

That wasn't alpha; that was jackass. "Apology accepted." Now stay the fuck away from me. Once again, I moved down and once again, he did the same.

"Come on, baby. You're hurting my feelings here." He clutched his chest. "Just give me a chance. Soon as you're done with Chase, let me in on the action. I'll let you take charge. I like... experienced women."

I stood up, not caring if I was making a greater issue of it. He needed to be stopped. "Stay the--"

"What the fuck are you doing?" Chase surprised both of us, seeming to come out of nowhere. He was right in Trevor's face.

"Hey, bro. Just watching some ball and getting acquainted with your lady here."

Chase's fist connected hard with Trevor's jaw, knocking him back into the stands. The vibration almost sent me down as well. "Chase!" I yelled. What the hell's going on? The game had stopped, and everyone was looking at us. I felt like an idiot.

Trevor was struggling to get up, and I worried that Chase was going to lose his shit again and keep him down. He was standing over him like he wanted to rip his head off.

"Dammit, stop!" I was so frickin' irritated. If he wanted to play this crap, I wasn't going to stay around and watch.

I grabbed my purse and stormed off. "Jillian, where are you going?" Chase was soon behind me, catching up. "Jillian." He latched on to my arm.

"Are you finished? Or do you need to go back and get another shot in?" I could have been overreacting, but I didn't think so. Maybe it was just hormones pushing my limits, but I didn't think that either. It was something else.

Chase pulled me against him. "I'm sorry," he said. "I didn't mean to upset you." My muscles loosened in his embrace, but my blood was still pumping at a frenzied pace. "Trev was fucking with you, and I didn't like it."

I squirmed away, keeping him at arm's length. "Chase, I don't need you to defend me. I can take care of myself. I handled him the first time, and I was capable of handling him this--"

"What do you mean the first time?"

Fuck. "Don't worry about it." Me and my goddamned mouth, but that still didn't make the point any less valid.

"Do not tell me not to worry about it, Jillian. What did he do to you?"

His voice was even and controlled, but I could tell he was boiling under the surface. I didn't want to give his testosterone another reason to strut its stuff.

"Come with me first." I took his hand and led him into the rec building. It was sometimes used for concessions, but right now it was empty. "It's not a big deal, Chase. When I went over there, he was a little out of hand, but it lasted all of thirty seconds. I told him to back off, and he did."

He took a deep breath. "Why didn't you tell me about it?"

"Because it wasn't a big deal! Chase, I told you, I can take care of myself."

He grabbed me tight and held me close. His body was solid, unyielding. God, he was strong. I loved that, but I was so conflicted over all this macho crap.

"Jillian." He stroked my hair, breath hot against my neck. "Whatever involves you is a big deal to me. Do you understand that? Don't ask me to stop defending you because I won't do it. If I ever think you're in harm's way, I'm going to react."

I rolled my head gently across his chest, inhaling him. This was all so foreign to me. I wouldn't say that Mike liked it when other guys came on to me or made lewd comments, but he didn't go off attacking them.

"Chase." I looked up at him. "Doesn't the age difference bother you, even a little?"

"We've been through this before, Jillian. No, it doesn't."

That tune could easily change if we started making more public appearances together. The thought of him getting provoked by all the snickers and mother-son references was exhausting.

He gave me a whisper kiss, then caressed my cheek. "Stop searching for things that aren't there. It's about you and me, not about the years between us. When I first saw you, I didn't think you were gorgeous for an older woman. I thought you were gorgeous, period."

My mom started out beautiful to my dad too. Until she wasn't. Maybe my period was making me a little emotional. I dug into my purse and found a makeup cloth. Then I rubbed it all over my eyes.

"What about now?" I said.

Chase gave me one of those funny looks I was getting so accustomed to. "What about now?"

"This is what I look like on two hours of sleep. I don't bounce back as easily as I did fifteen years ago. Back then, I could pull all-nighters no problem and look like I just came back from a day at the spa. You think you've really seen me before? You haven't. I always fell asleep with my makeup on. This is me, bags and all."

Perhaps emotional wasn't the right word. Fucking insane fit me better. I'd just pointed out the flaws that I spent a full hour covering up.

"Still gorgeous."

I shook my head. He was insane too, but at least we had that in common. Unlike our peer group.

He started laughing. "Is this another way of trying to scare me off? You'll have to do better than that."

I flattened my lips together, and he seemed to find that humorous as well. This guy was an enigma, but I really, really liked him. And if he truly didn't care about my age, I'd try to ignore it too. It's not like we were going to be together for the long haul anyway. Daniel was hopefully coming home in four months, and I wasn't going to visibly grow much older in that time period.

So, in the meantime... I pulled him behind the counter. There were a few bags of paper coffee cups and napkins stacked on the shelves, but for the most part, it was cleared out until used again. I kneeled down in front of him.

"What are you doing?"

"What does it look like?" I still hadn't sucked him dry yet. The night before, it'd turned back to me again, and although I was very, very happy, I wanted to do something solely for him.

I tugged at his zipper, but he stopped my hand. "I'm not going to have you do this here."

"Your cock disagrees with you." He could argue all he wanted, but the hard-on right in front of me didn't lie. "And you're in a perfect place to keep watch."

He groaned when I freed him, and all of a sudden, his half-hearted attempts to stop me weren't working any longer. No one could see me; I was sheltered all around. If anyone walked in, they'd only see Chase from the waist up.

I slipped him past my lips and into my mouth, and he fisted my hair. For a moment, I thought he was going to yank me off, but he pushed me deeper. I took him as far as I could into my throat, twirling my tongue around his pulsing skin. He tasted divine.

"Fuck, Jillian." He thrust into my mouth. "So good."

It didn't take long at all. My jaw was stretched to accommodate him, but it didn't even have a chance to ache before I felt the first hot spurts. I swallowed him down. And swallowed. And swallowed. It kept coming, and I couldn't get it down fast enough. Was there such a thing as asphyxiation by ejaculation?

When he disengaged from my lips, he was still hard, making me wish I liked period sex. I gazed up at his very satisfied expression and wondered if I looked that dreamy after he made me come hard. Which was always.

Chase grasped my arms and pulled me up to him, kissing me deeply, which was one of the most fucking erotic things I'd ever experienced.

"So, teacher," I whispered when his lips left mine, "how am I doing? Do I need more practice?"

A low rumble came from his throat, reminding me of a growl. "Only with me, Wild Horses."

He followed up with another kiss, and for a free, take-care-of-herself woman, I felt hopelessly claimed.

#

"You look nice."

I lifted my head and smiled. "Thank you." I finished watering my flowers on the side of the house, then walked over to the fence that separated our yards.

"Done with work for the weekend?" Michelle asked. I nodded, waving to Henry, who was sprawled out on a lawn chair not far from us. Sasha was running around in circles yapping.

"I'm meeting Perry and my brother soon. Just a little celebration. They recently got engaged."

"Good for them." She took a long drag. "Tell them congratulations from me."

"Will do." I brushed a bit of dirt off my dress. "What about you two--any plans?"

"Nah. Ran out of those little blue pills. Won't be much happening here." Why couldn't they do something else? Although, Henry looked like he'd be sleeping soon. "Speaking of"--she winked--"Your fresh stud muffin going tonight?"

I covered my mouth with my hand and giggled. Stud muffin? "No, just me."

She peered closer at me, making me feel like a farm animal under inspection. Her eyes roamed over my face. "What're you using on your skin? It looks incredible."

"Um, nothing different." The only thing I was doing new was exceeding my daily allowance of orgasms. I'd heard that they were excellent for increasing blood flow and bringing that youthful glow to your skin. Maybe they were onto something.

"I knew it! You've been getting those"--she held her hand up to her mouth--"special treatments."

Good Lord. "No, Michelle." If a man was going to come on my face, it wouldn't be for that reason.

"Don't let her talk you into anything, Jillian," Henry yelled out, eyes still closed.

My cheeks grew hot. This was awkward. Michelle waved her hand around. "Ah, he doesn't know anything."

"I know you spend too damn much on those fancy creams and skin whatchamacallits."

"They're called facials, Henry," she screamed back, even though he was only a dozen feet away. She touched my arm. "Keep doing what you're doing, honey. You look fabulous."

"Thank you."

Enjoy it while it lasts, Jillian.

I walked into Wengo's, 80s music blaring, and scanned around for their table. I'd seen Perry and Stephen before they saw me, and I had a moment to brace myself. Even though I told her I was most likely coming solo, she still expected me to change my mind.

I navigated through the aisles and gave them each hugs before plopping down on the tall wooden chair. They already had a pitcher of beer and a large basket of wings on the table. I loved this place. Easygoing, great food, live music later in the evenings.

"What took you so long?" Perry said.

"The walk took a little longer than I thought." I was thinking thirty minutes, but it was more like forty.

"You walked? Why the hell would you do that?"

"I like walking. And it's a nice night."

I poured myself a cup of beer while Perry glowered at me. One, two, three. Go.

"Where's Chase?" Right on time.

"Chase?" Stephen looked dumbfounded.

"I told you I was coming alone."

"Why would Chase be here?" Stephen asked.

"No, you said probably coming alone. That's not the same thing. This was your first maid of honor strike." Perry narrowed her eyes.

I shook my head and grabbed a wing, something to keep my mouth full.

"You said she was bringing her new boyfriend, Perry." Stephen pivoted his head between us. "What the fuck is going on here? You actually seeing this kid now?"

I sputtered and took a sip of beer. "That wasn't fair." I narrowed my eyes back at her. "He's not my boyfriend."

"But you like him enough to be." I crossed my arms. This was starting off well, but at least Chase wasn't caught in the crossfire. "Stephen can accept that. Right, sweetie?"

"No, Stephen can't," he said.

A curvaceous, petite blonde stopped at our table, setting down an order of mozzi sticks. She swayed off, butt cheeks peeking out of her short shorts. Was that sanitary? I snatched a stick and took a bite, burning a layer off the roof of my mouth.

"God, you guys are both stubborn-ass pigheads. What's the big fucking deal? She cares for him, and he treats her well. Isn't that the main thing? And your sister's finally getting some decent sex for the first time in her life. You should be happy for her."

Stephen grimaced, then swung from his chair, stalking away. Maybe he was planning to join another table, one where he didn't have to be privy to his sister's sexual history.

"I shouldn't have to keep asking you this, but was that really necessary?"

"Hey, I toned it down. I said decent sex when I could have said 'knock you flat on your ass and can't walk for a week' sex. Because I know that's what it is based on the shit-eating grin you're always wearing lately."

"I thought we'd be talking wedding stuff tonight."

"Nah, plenty of time for that. Oh, which reminds me"--she pulled a card from her bag and handed it to me"--we're having an official coming out engagement party on September third at the Metro Loft."

I eyed it over. "Already? How'd you plan this so fast?"

"It was mainly Stephen who took care of it. There was a last-minute cancellation on the hall, so he jumped on it."

"Okay, I'm there. Consider me RSVPed." I set the card in my purse.

She raised her eyebrow. "It's a plus one, you know." I didn't say anything. The party was a day over two weeks away. A lot could happen in that time. "Jills, talk to me." Her voice grew quieter, and I could barely hear her over the hair band pumping through the speakers. "Why didn't you bring Chase?"

"I'm not going to parade him around Stephen, and besides, we do much better when it's just the two of us."

Much better was actually an understatement. We were completely in sync, both inside and outside of the bedroom. When it was just us, the thirty-eight-year-old woman and the twenty-three-year-old man didn't exist. There was only connection. That wasn't the case when we ventured out.

Perry opened her mouth but shut it when Stephen came back to the table, frothy red drink in his hand. "Strawberry daiquiri."

"Ooh, thank you," she said and gave him a kiss. "Look how wonderful he is." I smiled, already knowing he worshiped the ground she walked on. "He knew my stomach would turn if I had one more sip of beer. If you can find a guy like this, Jills, one who pays attention, never let him go."

Her meaning was quite clear, and I sighed, chugging the rest of my cup. If only it were that simple, Perry.

We spent the next several hours talking random bullshit and avoiding anything Chase-related, thankfully. Being in a state of denial made for a fun night.

Shortly before I was ready to wrap up the evening, I got a text: Still out?

Yes, but leaving soon.

Did you drive or did they pick you up?

I walked.

The call came in almost immediately, but I didn't tab to accept. The band was playing, and unless I went outside, I wouldn't be able to hear him too well.

Too noisy to answer. What's up?

I'm coming to pick you up.

No! Shit. Please, you don't need to. I'm leaving now. I'll call when I get home.

Stay there. I mean it. I'm on my way.

I considered my options. I could leave right this second, and he could pick me up along the way. I could ask for a ride from Stephen, but that would be rude if I was gone when he arrived, and they weren't ready to go anyway. I'd just wait outside for Chase until he got there, then sneak off without anyone seeing. Perfect.

I came around to Perry's side and tried relaying the message in her ear without speaking too loudly.

"That's stupid," she said.

"No, it's not. It's my best option. And I don't see what the problem is. He acted pretty cavemanish when I told him I was walking home."

"God, Jills. That's not being a caveman; that's being considerate and protective. You shouldn't be walking home alone at this hour, no matter how much you like it. I agree with him."

"I'm a big girl, Perry." I hugged her good-bye, then moved on to Stephen.

"You're leaving now?" he said. "Let me give you a ride home."

"No, thanks. I'm good."

"It was one thing walking here before the sun went down, but not now. I'm driving you."

Seriously? I wanted to scream. This was not working out right. I looked at Perry, but she just shrugged. I bet she was enjoying this.

In between our disagreement, the blonde bombshell server delivered us a fresh pitcher, then said loudly, "Chase!"

All three of us stopped dead and stared at her, shifting to the person who'd joined our little party. My chest went wild for a multitude of reasons.

"Hi, Amanda."

Stephen burned a hole through me, his expression like crystal. It said, 'I told you so.'

"What can I get you?" I would have accused her of thrusting out her tits, but she could have been standing on her head, and they would have looked the same.

"Nothing, thanks. I'm taking off right away."

She frowned. "Okay, let me know if you change your mind."

After she had sashayed off with an extra twang to her hips, I cleared my throat. The band was on a break, and it was painfully quiet in there. "Um, Chase, you remember Perry and Stephen." They shook hands, Stephen acting cordial, but the distrust in his eyes was blatant. Time to go. Now. "Okay, well, gotta run. Talk to you later."

I turned to hightail it out of there when Stephen caught my arm. "You have a good head on your shoulders, Jillian," he whispered into my ear. "Do not lose it to this guy."

I nodded, not sure how to respond. He didn't have to worry about me. I could handle this.

I pulled Chase through the tables and out the door, the air hitting me like a refreshing shower. It was way too hot in there. "How'd you get here so quick?" I asked him. I was counting on more time to weasel my way out of the building.

"I wasn't too far away. I can't believe you were going to walk home wearing that. Alone. At night."

I looked down. What the hell was wrong with my dress? "There's nothing wrong with what I'm wearing, Chase." It wasn't even that short. Nothing even close to what Perry dressed me in for Summerfest.

"It's hot as fuck, and if I think that, other men do too."

"So?"

"So, I'm not letting you go down some dark street by yourself, even if you were wearing a parka. And especially not in a dress that shows off your skin. I want to push you against this damn wall right now and make you scream."

Okay, full body flush. Breathe it away and focus on the issue at hand. The one where I felt like I was being ganged up on--three against one. What was so bad about taking care of myself?

"What's with the girl?" I said, changing the subject. "Amanda."

"Just someone I saw a few times."

"By saw, you mean fucked."

I tried to read his face, but I couldn't tell if he was pissed off or amused.

"Yes. Does that bother you? It was years ago."

"Yet you two still remember each other."

He took my hands. Did he think I needed to be placated? I wasn't affected by the amount of women swarming the city whom he'd stuck his dick into. I was just curious.

"I still run into her from time to time when I come here. And by run into, I do not mean fuck."

Whatever. A little muscle in my eye started twitching, and I took off for the car before he could notice it. He caught up to me before I could get there.

"Are you all right?"

"Of course I am."

See, this was the kind of thing that happened when we left the house. Pretty young perky things popped up like dandelions all over my spotless yard, reminding me that Chase and I didn't belong together. Reminding me how easy it would be for the weeds to take over and suffocate whatever we did have together. Liking someone younger a whole fucking lot only worked in a vacuum, not out in the living, breathing world.

"No, that's not entirely true, Chase. Can we go to the car now?"

He nodded and gripped my hand. When we arrived, I leaned against the side, the metal cool against my back. I felt safer out here. It was pitch black, and he hadn't parked too close to the building.

"I'm not an insecure woman. Quite the opposite, really." I paused, thinking of the right words to say. I found that the older I got, the more comfortable with myself I became. I knew without a doubt that I would not be having these issues with a man my age. Yeah, I had a little saggage going on in the boob department, and that annoying forehead line bugged the shit out of me, but otherwise, I felt and looked pretty damn good.

Chase cozied up to me, trapping my body to the car. I loved it. I'd never get used to his strength hard against me. The way he was always ready and willing to give me the best orgasm of my life over and over and over again.

But again, that was so not the issue at hand....

"I'm not insecure, but I am realistic. Why be with me when you could be with the Amandas of the world?"

I didn't try to bring it to mind, but once more the thought of my father running off with an Amanda after he'd damaged my mother slammed in front and center.

Chase moved back, forcing me to instantly crave him. The air against me was just not the same. "Fuck, Jillian. Give me a little credit to know what I want. I've always followed my passion, and it's worked out well for me so far. Doesn't that tell you anything?"

I wasn't sure, but I was already sick of arguing about it. I couldn't understand why I kept bringing up things that wouldn't even be relevant months from now. I needed to savor this time with him, because when we were clicking, it was tight and unbreakable. I was fulfilled and happy, and I adored those feelings enough to keep pursuing them. I'd already accepted that I wanted him for more than just sex, but we had to be more careful. We couldn't put ourselves in situations that would destroy the moment.

"I'm sorry, Chase." I drew him back to me and snuggled against his chest. "I'm not doubting you want me." At least not for today, and today was all we had. "Let's just focus on the now, okay? I'll do my best not to let our age difference make me crazy."

I took his hands and put them on my thighs. Once I started moving them up, I knew I had him. He wanted to fight just as much as I did. He wanted to make up just as much too.

His body crushed to me, and I felt that bond again. Hands groping through my dress, moving up over my breasts, squeezing my nipples until I lost breath. Lips all over my neck, fingers gripping my hair and molding me whichever way he wanted me.

I needed it hard. I encouraged him to be rougher, to take everything from me. To possess a woman who didn't want to be possessed. I wished we were home so I could be even more at his mercy, but I didn't want to break away long enough to get there.

I heard people in the background, but they weren't close enough for me to care. It was dark enough to be spotted but not detected. We were two bodies together, but no one knew whose two bodies they belonged to.

"Fuck me, Chase. I want it hard."

He opened the car door and tossed me into the back seat. My dress flew up, exposing my wet panties. He ripped them off as if they were made of tissue paper. Holy fuck. I wished I could see exactly what color his eyes were because I wanted to know what matched with feral animal. There was a primal fire in him that made my pussy gush and my head whirl. His vigor meshed with mine perfectly. Fast and furious.

"You want it hard, Wild Horses?"

"Yes." God, yes. Oh, God... no. "Wait," I panted out before his cock touched me. I dumped my purse upside down, the contents spilling all over the floor. "We need a condom." I was too close to ovulation. Knowing him, he probably had super sperm with double the shelf life. It wasn't safe.

I felt around blindly for one of the wrappers I always kept well-stocked in my purse ever since Chase. He was busy gripping his fingers deep into my inner thighs and spreading me wide. I took a deep breath. Focus, Jillian. His mouth was right there, the stubble along his jaw scratching me and adding to the intensity.

My hand closed around one, and I heard the crinkle just as he bit down on my clit, sending my hips bucking against his face. Then his fingers were inside, caressing me deeply, not giving me a chance to even gasp before I was purring again.

He grabbed hold of my calves and pushed them past my shoulders, folding me in two. I was compressed into the seat and against myself, locked into a tiny space. Taking both ankles into one hand, he held me in place while he took the condom from me, ripping it open with his teeth and rolling it on.

"Tell me again you want it hard. Rough." I felt the tip enter me slightly. "I need to hear it again before I give you what you want."

I was pulsing inside, the skin on my top inner thighs cool from the air kissing the dampness. "I want it as hard as you can give me." I looked into his eyes. "Take it all, Chase."

The next thing I saw was stars. He had slammed into me with such force, making me feel like I'd left my body for a moment. The initial ache was intense. So deep, so deep... My breath grew heavy. I was in such a helpless position, angled for penetration that pushed me just beyond the limit.

He rubbed his body against mine, grinding into me, teetering the boundaries between pleasure and pain. We'd fucked hard before, but this was as primal as it got. I was blown away, and I never wanted it to stop.

My moans must have provoked him further because he was relentless, never slowing, giving me exactly what I'd asked for. I craved him deeper than was physically possible. As I was staring into his face, the orgasm blindsided me out of nowhere, coming at me when I wasn't expecting it. There was no build-up, no warning; it just hit me head-on, knocking me senseless. I screamed as I felt myself rip apart, and moments later, his body shook and collapsed on top of mine.

Chase was right there in the aftermath, his hard muscles pressing against my chest, my legs returned to horizontal. Our sweat mingled together, and I felt like a delicious, crumpled mess. My everything throbbed, an ache that radiated from the inside out, letting me know just how well my body had been used in its entirety.

We were in the backseat of a fucking car. I had never done anything like that before, losing control like a couple of horny teenagers. I'd been so swept away I hadn't even had the ability to make it home first. What had ever possessed me to act like that?

His chest rose and fell above mine, his lips resting over my neck. He'd consumed my body and took ownership.

Chase. That's what had possessed me.

#

"Are you ready for dinner?"

His arms were tight around me as I wiggled in his lap. "You're always hungry."

"What can I say? I have a voracious appetite." He nuzzled his jaw against my neck, both tickling and making me squirm.

Another perfect night. We'd been having a lot of those lately. Not every single day with each other, but close. Making spicy meals together, long conversations about music and living the life you love, singing in melody to his guitar, feeling like I'd died and gone to Heaven. I'd never in my life laughed so hard nor came so frequently. Chase was the almost-ideal man. Almost.

It was the last day of August. Soon to be a new month. Soon to be another month, then another. At least when we did break off, it'd be on top. My heart would take a huge blow, but I was strong enough to recover. I was just making it harder for myself by extending our time until the very last moment, but I was willing to take that risk. I felt too good around Chase not to.

He was young and damn near perfect. He'd move on as well, easier than I would. I felt a slight twinge over who would have him next, but I shook it off. I didn't want to destroy this time while I had him now.

"Do you want to make something with your other secret ingredient?" I asked. He'd brought over a bottle of apple cider vinegar today. Another item from his fajita recipe. I still wasn't close to having the full thing, but maybe I'd get it as a going-away present.

"We could dye Easter eggs."

"That's white vinegar, silly. And we're seven months early." My gut tightened. I'd no longer be with him then. I hopped off his lap. God, Jillian, stop being so frickin' dramatic.

I went into the kitchen. And to think that I almost asked him to temporarily move in with me. For practical reasons, but still. I was concerned about him living in the same house as Trevor after what happened. More freaked out that Chase would do something stupid and have to pay the price for Trevor's assholeness. But it'd all worked out. Trevor cleared out early, and Chase assured me that everything was good, nothing to worry about anymore. Thank God. If I thought my heart was strained now, what would happen to it if I'd gone to bed with him every night and woke up beside him every morning? It would have snapped back and broken completely.

I opened the fridge, debating if I wanted to take that last Spotted Cow. There was one left from the six-pack he'd given me on our first official non-date. Nah, I'd keep it around for a while yet. I grabbed an Apple Ale instead, taking one for him too.

Chase was right behind me, hugging my waist. I shut the fridge and set the bottles on the counter, then turned to face him. After a long kiss, I asked, "So, what do you have in your goodie bag today?"

He usually brought over the food for our dinners. A variety of this and that. Sometimes he had a plan and sometimes we created something out of a mishmash of ingredients. It was always delicious.

Chase unlocked his arms from me and reached for the paper bag. He peered inside. "Hmm, let's see. We have red pepper flakes and Roma tomatoes"--he pulled them from the bag and placed them next to the beer--"and some fresh mozzarella. And"--Chase handed me a familiar-looking card--"I found this today underneath the seat."

"Thanks." I stuck it on the fridge with a magnet. I thought I'd collected everything from my dumped purse that night, but obviously not. I already knew when and where the party was, so I hadn't even noticed the missing invitation.

I turned back around to see him looking at me strangely. Did I have something hanging from my nose? I brushed it with my finger. "Uh, something wrong?"

"Were you going to invite me?" he asked softly.

My mouth dropped a little. Out of all the things I imagined had caused his funny look, that was not one of them. Was he for real?

"Chase?" I went over and leaned against the counter with him. "No, I wasn't. Does that bother you?"

"Yes, Jillian. Of course, it does."

I shook my head, clearing out some cobwebs. I was trying to make sense of this. An engagement party? Why would he want to go to one of those? It's almost like inviting him to an actual wedding.

The atmosphere had shifted an entirely new direction. I could feel it in the air, and it made my skin bristle. No, this was not happening. We'd had nothing but harmony since that night at Wengo's, and the reason why? Because it'd been just the two of us.

"Chase, hasn't our time together been wonderful these past couple weeks? I don't want to ruin that. You know the problems start when we're out around other people. What's wrong with just keeping it the two of us?"

He sighed and pulled me into his arms, kissing the top of my head. "It's been amazing, beautiful. I'm not arguing that. But how will we ever get better at going out unless we practice more?" I looked up to his warm smile, filling me with fuzzy feelings. "Let's try, Jillian."

"Okay."

I bounced in my seat, drumming my fingertips on my knee, ready to be sick. What was I thinking? How could I have let him talk me into this? He'd lured me in with promises of grandeur. Made me think we were doing so well we were invincible to handle anything. I'd been delusionally optimistic. Or optimistically delusional. Whichever way you played it, the song remained the same.

This was a mistake.

"Relax, Jillian." Chase placed his hand on my leg, flattening my nervous tic. "I'm going to be prying you off the roof soon."

Never mind the fact that we were on our way to an engagement party of approximately fifty people. Never mind the fact that my mom and Frank were going to be there and this was their first time meeting him. Never mind the fact that Stephen would be giving us the eagle eye every thirty seconds. That was all child's play compared to where we were stopping first.

My mouth reminded me of that powder teachers threw down on the floor to soak up puke. I was scared spitless.

Chase pulled into the short driveway, and I wished I had some of that powder handy right then. He would not be too happy at the mess I was about to leave on his floor mat.

"Ready?" he asked.

"No."

He laughed. "It'll be fine. Honest. They're great people and won't do anything to make you uncomfortable."

"Too late."

Chase got out of the car and came around to my side, trying to help me up. Like I didn't know how to get out of a car. I'd been doing it longer than him. I just didn't want to.

"Jillian, please. It's not a big deal. Trust me."

"Fine." I stood and smoothed down my sleeveless cocktail dress. I'd ventured into the fancy side of my closet today. I forced myself to ease up. For a mature woman, I was sure acting like a bratty toddler. "Sorry, Chase. I'm just really, really nervous."

"Good thing you hide it well." I narrowed my eyes at him, and he laughed again. "Come on." He wrapped an arm around my waist and walked beside me as I clicked my way to the front door. Why had I worn such high heels? Did I look too street-walkerish? "You look beautiful," he said as if reading my mind, brushing his lips over mine.

His mother was forty-three. Forty-three. Why couldn't she have had him later in life, say at forty? I would have been much better with sixty-six. Or even in the fifties range, like Chase's father. I could have worked with that. But only five years older than me? Talk about a panic attack. I was well on my way to having one.

The door opened, and I found myself staring at two very attractive people. Of course, what else would I expect? My stomach started twisting into painful knots at the thought of going inside. I put on a happy smile, though. Go, me.

"Mom, Dad, this is Jillian. Jillian, my parents, Colleen and Ray."

"Nice to meet you."

After the social niceties were over, Chase went to help his dad move some furniture into the basement to prepare for their new delivery, which was the whole reason he'd asked to stop there in the first place. He'd already planned to help that weekend, and they lived near the hall where the party was being held. So we left a little early. Boom. Perfect.

Yes, perfect. I was sitting there with his mother on the living room couch, just the two of us, and I was at a complete loss. This woman could have been my best friend, but instead, she'd given birth to a guy I wanted naked all the time. That wasn't a good conversation starter.

"So, Jillian. Chase tells me you're headed to your brother's engagement party. Congratulations."

"Thank you." Chase had her eyes; that was obvious, although she had flecks of blue instead of gold. At any rate, they were kind. It didn't look like she wanted to grab a pitchfork and chase me through the woods thinking I was her son's predator. "We love the woman he's marrying, so we're all very happy about it."

She talked about family and a little about business, never asking anything too personal and completely avoiding questions about Chase and me as a couple. I wondered if that was premeditated. Chase had probably briefed her on the safe topics. Whatever the reason, I was relieved and thankful. Especially since my age was never brought to light, and it wasn't like we were sitting there in the dark wearing sunglasses. She knew very well that I was much older than her son, but she never treated me that way.

My stress level dropped to the negative digits. I no longer cared how long it was taking Chase. We still had plenty of time before the party started, and he was right. It was fine.

She must have noticed me eying a pretty photo album sitting on the coffee table because she said, "Would you like to take a look?"

"Oh, I don't want to pry." I was looking at the yellow and pink gardenias on the cover, not suggesting that she show me private photos. But then, if they were private, she probably wouldn't have it sitting out to begin with.

"Not at all," she said, handing me the album. "You can see how adorable Chase was when he was little." I smiled. There was no doubt he was a beautiful child.

I flipped through, those warm fuzzies flooding me again. Chase with a baseball mitt, riding his bike, holding a lamb at the petting zoo. "His first guitar?" My heart squeezed. He was holding a Les Paul Junior.

She nodded. "He was about ten, I think. Our neighbor at the time had a barely used one, and Chase worked for months to buy that thing. Washed cars, did yard work, whatever he could."

There were more and more shots taken at and around the hospital the further I paged through. "Chase told me you were a patient there sometimes, and he'd sit with you in the room. I hope you're doing well now?"

Her smile was reassuring. "Oh, yes. I'm doing wonderfully now, but it was touch and go for a while. Did Chase explain why?" I nodded, hoping he hadn't betrayed her privacy. "I was the sick one, but he's the one who suffered. I was laid up in that hospital room more than sometimes, Jillian. If I added it up, Chase lost years of his childhood being there with me. It forced him to grow up way too fast, but he never complained. I don't know what I did right to deserve a child like him, but...."

My heart started pounding again. Her eyes were misting up, and I thought she'd start crying any minute. I wasn't sure what to do, so I gave her a hug. It must have been the right thing because she came back smiling.

"Don't mind me," she said, "I get a little emotional when I think back to those days." Nice one, Jillian. If I hadn't looked at that photo album... "Do you know I was advised against having him?" I shook my head. "My heart was too weak. I was told if I went through with the pregnancy and birth, I was basically signing my own death warrant. But I knew it'd work out. I had age on my side. Being a young mother had its advantages. I doubt my body would've been strong enough if I'd waited to have a child later in life. My only regret is relapsing so often as he grew."

"From what I know of Chase, he turned out pretty well regardless. He's one of the most honest and caring people I know."

Her grin was wide. "I agree, but thank you kindly for saying so."

"Ready?"

I whipped my head back to see Chase standing there. I hadn't heard him come up. He held out his hand, and I took it.

"Ready," I said.

#

Did I say I was ready? What a joke. I'd been so relaxed and comfortable at his parents' house--to my complete surprise--that I'd been coaxed into a feeling of invincibleness again. But after we parked in the structure and stepped out of the car, my chest resumed its manic behavior.

Walking with him hand in hand pushed my limits to the extreme, but I tried my best to keep my anxiety under wraps. Chase deserved that. God, why couldn't I take whatever he was on? He was much too calm, as if making an entrance with a woman fifteen years his senior was the most normal thing in the world.

We went through the glass doors and into the main lobby of the historic building. The hall was located in a hotel, and I couldn't even muster up thoughts of sneaking off with him later. My lust was on the back burner; that's how fired up my nerves were.

"You made it through the visit with my parents. This should be easy, right?" He pumped my hand a few times.

I exhaled long and loud. He was right. I'd been way more worried about that, and it'd turned out great. I could do this.

It wasn't long before we spotted the Welcome to Perry and Stephen's Engagement Party sign. "Well, this is it," I said. Another hand squeeze from him, and we were pushing through the door.

Holy fuck. I felt like I was just drop-kicked by a kangaroo. She came at me full speed and rammed me backward. "Jills!" Perry screeched, squashing me in a giant hug. "You're early!"

"By just a few minutes." I glanced around; there weren't many there yet, and that made Chase and me stand out more. She popped off me like a suction cup, letting me get a good look at her. "Doing a trial run? Wow... You look beyond amazing." Perry wore a short white tulle dress, the contrast shocking against her inky hair. Instead of resembling a princess on her wedding day, she'd make that princess look like she was beaten with an ugly stick. Perry was going to be the bride who made all others envious. Hell, I was envious, and I didn't even want to get married again.

"Thanks. It was too casual to wear as my wedding dress, but I thought it was perfect to wear for the party."

"It definitely is."

Perry set her sights on Chase next, earning me a smirk from her. "I'm giving you a get-out-of-jail-free card for this, Jills. I'm taking back that first strike I gave you. As long as you don't screw up again, you're all clear."

"Um, thanks?" At least she didn't say, 'I'm so happy you finally wised up and took my advice to bring Chase out in public because now you two can fall deeply in love and live happily ever after, and by the way, did you do anal yet?'

"Chase," Perry said, pulling him in for the same hug. "Thanks so much for coming. It means a lot." She turned him slightly, so she was facing me and whispered, "He is hard."

"God, Perry. He can hear you, you know. You're right by his ear." Chase chuckled, and she felt up his arms and shoulders a few times before letting go.

"Not that Stephen isn't, of course."

"Not that Stephen isn't what?" My brother came up beside us, and I swore I detected a grimace when he noticed Chase, even though he was expecting him. At least I hoped Perry had warned him beforehand.

"Hard."

"What?" Stephen said.

"You're hard," she said loudly.

"Really, Perry?" Her sister, Samantha, had just arrived. "You can't show a little restraint during your engagement party?" She waved hello to Chase, then looked confused as to why he was there.

"It'd be easier if my smokin'-hot fiancé wasn't so hard." Perry grabbed him around the waist. "What do you say, baby? It'd be a shame to waste it. Should we go upstairs for a quickie before the others get here?"

Sam just shook her head and walked away.

"Did you enjoy yourself?" Stephen asked.

"Yep," Perry said. "I love her and all, but sometimes she can be such a prude. It's fun to mess with her."

"As long as you had fun, dear." My brother kissed her, and I melted on sight. They were like the sweetest candy together with none of the sickening.

"Isn't he perfect?" she said. "Perfect and hard. What more could a woman ask for?" Perry winked at me.

The happy couple went off to greet the other guests who'd filed in. The place was starting to pack quickly. I strolled around with Chase, not sure what to do. We stopped by the champagne tower, checked that out awhile, got a couple vodka cranberries that had little ring-shaped ice cubes floating in them. We talked to a few people, and if anyone asked, Chase was a friend of mine. Easy-peasy.

Over the course of the next two hours, I grew pleasantly sublime. Chase had survived meeting Mom and Frank; in fact, it went better than imagined. I'd prepared my mom the other day, revealing his age, hoping to eliminate any surprises. However, I still thought she'd be leery of him, considering what she'd been through. That wasn't the case at all. Both she and my stepdad were very welcoming, and I figured it had to do with all my prior assurances telling them it was nothing serious.

"How are you doing?" Chase asked. His breath in my ear made me shiver. He'd been keeping a close but respectable distance from me all night, and there were no outward displays of affection. I really appreciated him for that.

I could not wait to get him home and thank him properly.

"So far, so good."

Chase and I found our spot for dinner and took a seat. We were at the table of honor, along with Perry, Stephen, and the parents. My biological father was not in attendance, and I doubted he was even invited.

We were the first ones to sit down, and it felt nice to have our little corner of the world for a while. There were pens and cards on the table, and I wondered what we were supposed to do with them.

"Hey!" Perry bounded over. "Try some." She tried handing me her ice-blue glass, but I pushed it away. "You have to make me happy, remember? It's one of your duties."

"Fine." I expected to shudder, and that's exactly what happened when I took a sip. It tasted like mashed-up jellybeans.

She pointed at the cards. "You have to write down words of wisdom for us." She smiled wide. "Advice for the married couple-to-be." I had to stop from laughing. Like she'd take marital advice from anyone. Perry would run her relationship however she saw fit and probably be the most successful one at it too. I betted on her and Stephen being one of those rare couples who lasted forever.

"And these?" I picked up a different set.

"You can't do that one. Guests have to guess how he proposed to win a prize. Obviously, you're disqualified."

"What about me?" Chase asked.

Perry raised an eyebrow. "You don't know?" He shook his head, and she narrowed her eyes like it was my fault for not telling him. "Then you have a shot. When you're done, write your name on it and drop it in the pink box." She pointed a finger at me as if making it clear that my window of spilling the answer was now closed tight.

"I'm not going to help him, Perry."

"I'm sure he has ways of making you talk." She blew me a kiss, then skipped off.

Chase scribbled some things down, and I was dying to see. I bet they'd be hilarious. He was a great guy, but I highly doubted he knew much about proposal ideas. When I tried grabbing the card, he snatched it away. "Uh-uh." Then he darted over, letting it fall into the box before I could take a peek. I crossed my arms, and when he came back to the table, he yanked them apart, making me smile. "Now, what about the advice one?" he asked.

I picked up a pen and tapped it on the card. "I'm probably not the best one to be handing out words of wisdom. I'm divorced, remember?"

"So if you could do it all over again, what would you do differently?"

"Pick the right guy."

Wait, what? Did I just say that out loud? Shit. I hope he didn't think I was implying that he was the right guy. I didn't mean it that way; it was only supposed to be a general statement. Was I reading too much into this?

I banged the card against my lip, then put it down before I got a paper cut. Thankfully, the server arrived shortly after, placing a couple baskets of bread in the center of our table. Thirty seconds later, the seats were filled, and Chase and I were no longer alone.

The dinner went smoothly. Chase was happy; he had a full plate of food in front of him. I was comfortable with the company around me. Stephen was reserved around Chase, but that was better than the alternative. Overall, everything was good.

The only awkward moment was when Perry asked me to sing at the wedding. Then she casually remarked that Chase should play alongside me. As soon as it left her mouth, I could see she realized her mistake. She gave me a "shit, I'm so sorry" look, quickly changing the subject. Fortunately, things went back to normal after that, and nothing came of it.

Chase and I claimed the table for ourselves once again when the others took off after dinner to stuff themselves with cake. "You don't want any?" I asked.

"Not unless I can lick it off you." My body heated, and I looked around. It only took something little like that to make me start throbbing. I was so easy. "No one heard me, Jillian."

"I know, but I'm sure my arousal's obvious to anyone paying attention."

"Are you, Wild Horses? Aroused?"

His voice was raw sex, and that kicked me up a dozen notches. "Dammit, Chase. You know I am. Now stop it."

He chuckled, leaning back in his chair as I took a few gulps of ice water. I planned to stay until the end of the party, but having a breathing aphrodisiac so close by challenged my resolve.

"Jillian?" I looked up to see Jeff standing at the other side of the table. "Wow, how long's it been? You look... incredible."

"Thanks, Jeff. How are you?"

"Can't complain. Is this"--he looked at Chase and shook his head--"Daniel? Oh, man. I haven't seen you since you were, what--this high?" He held up his hand a few feet.

"Uh..." I said, feeling all the blood drain from my face. Drip. Drip. Drip.

Chase stood up and stuck out his hand. "No, I'm Chase. I'm..." He glanced at me, but I didn't say anything. My throat felt like it was coated in wet cement. "I'm a friend."

Jeff shook his hand across the table and focused back to me. "Hey, sorry to hear about your divorce. That's rough." I nodded. "Come here, you." Jeff came over to me and pulled me up. "Give me a hug."

He flattened me longer and harder than your standard hug. I felt like a ragdoll. I peeked at Chase, checking out his expression. It was unreadable. But then, I still had that haze fogging up my head, so what did I know?

Jeff pulled back and held me at arm's length. "Damn, Jillian. You really do look... Wow, amazing. One more hug?"

It was a quick one before I broke it off and sat down. I'd not had any issues with Jeff in the past, but this was making me uncomfortable.

"I'd love to take you out to dinner sometime, Jillian."

I shifted my eyes around. "Um...."

"You know," Jeff said, "I always had a little thing for you." He laughed. "Mike kinda got in the way of that, but how about now? It'd be fun to catch up on old times."

"Sure?"

"Great." He clapped his hands once. "Still at the same number? I can call you to set something up."

"Um, yes." Even as I was saying it, I was thinking of a way to get out of it. What just happened here? My brain was a lump of melted taffy.

The moment Jeff stepped away, Chase asked, "Who was that?"

"One of Stephen's friend's older brothers. He used to come over sometimes when we had parties. I've known him a long time. And I'm not going out with him, Chase."

"So. Another friend."

"Yeees," I said slowly and cocked my head, not sure what he was getting at. Chase hadn't asked it as a question but as a flat statement. In fact, his entire demeanor was flat.

It didn't take much longer to realize he wasn't just flat, but also cold. A slab of ice. Shortly after, he excused himself to go over and say hi to Emily from his team. Perry's niece had just arrived and was standing with her mom, Sam. I watched him laugh and smile and do all the things he'd done with me just minutes ago.

I was confused as hell. The situation with Jeff had been awkward, but there's no way it could have bothered him that much. It didn't affect anything Chase and I had going on, and I told him I wasn't planning on taking him up on his offer of dinner. I hadn't even meant to agree in the first place, but I'd been a hot mess. He actually thought Chase was Daniel? That was enough to make me forget my own name.

We stayed until nearly the end, although I didn't feel fully present. I hadn't seen Jeff again--I was assuming he cut out early--and that was a small relief. But I was still functioning in a stupor, and Chase remained distant toward me. I just needed to get him back home, and then everything would be fine again.

Chase and I said our good-byes and headed silently out the doors and through the lobby. I'd never seen him so sullen, certainly not for this period of time. I had to be missing something. Chase was the one I was going home with--wasn't that the only thing that mattered?

He opened the car door for me, then rounded to his side. I twiddled my fingers, feeling the same nervous energy as when we'd arrived, but under entirely different circumstances. Chase sat down and placed his hands on the wheel. He wasn't starting the car.

"Chase?"

"Did you seriously make a fucking date right in front of me?"

#

I stared at him, a little taken aback. "No..." Was he seriously making a big deal about this? "Not a real date. I told you I'm not going out with him, and I told you early on that I wouldn't see anyone else while I was sleeping with you. It just... happened. You know that he thought you were my son, and I--"

"Just give me some time, Jillian." His hands tensed around the wheel, and it looked like he was about to snap it like a pretzel round.

"Okay."

Chase started the car and backed out. He exited the structure, driving calmly without speaking a word. It was all fine, I assured myself. He just needed time to process, just like he said. By the time we arrived at home, he'd realize that nothing horrible had happened, and he was overreacting. He wouldn't let a great night end this way. We'd go inside, have fantastic make-up sex, and then he'd sleep over so we could do it again in the morning.

He pulled into my driveway and turned off the car. I waited a minute to see if he would get out and open the door for me since he liked to do that, but when he didn't move, I placed my hand on the door.

"Jillian." He turned his head toward me, and I didn't like what I saw.

I dropped my hand back into my lap. "Chase, what was I supposed to do?"

"Here's a ludicrous idea for you--how about say no?"

I sighed. "I panicked, okay? I wasn't thinking clearly. He thought you were Daniel, and that majorly freaked me out. That's what people see when they look at us, Chase. They don't see a couple; they see a mother and a son."

"And why should they see us as a couple, Jillian? You don't give them any reason to."

My jaw dropped. "That is totally unfair. You know how I feel about all this, and besides, you're the one who told Jeff we were just friends."

"Goddammit. I did that for you. I thought you were about to pass out. The last thing I wanted to do was upset you more. Would you have liked me to tell him we were together?"

"Well, no..." He did have a point. I would have felt worse if Jeff discovered the guy he thought was my son was really my lover.

"The entire night I did for you, Jillian. I did everything possible to make sure our night out was a success. That's why I went along with the 'just a friend' shit every time we talked to someone. Why I didn't touch you more than necessary, even though I wanted to put my fucking hands all over you. I wanted that entire room to know you were mine. I want the entire fucking world to know. But I only push it so hard, Jillian. Why? Because you have it in your head that there's something wrong with us."

"Chase." He was blowing this way out of proportion, merging into a whole different direction. But once again, we were only in perfect tune until we left the house. "I tried telling you this was a bad idea. There's nothing wrong with us when it's just us. Don't you see that?"

He banged the wheel once with his fist, startling me. He was certainly in a mood tonight. Hopefully, we'd laugh about all this tomorrow.

"No, you know damn well things were going well tonight until you let this shit bother you and you made your fucking date." I opened my mouth to disagree with the date comment but shut it when he started talking again. "And even though I wanted you closer to me, I still had a good time because I was with you. I don't have the same hang-ups you do."

"Maybe you don't have them now, Chase, but believe me, if we stayed together for any length of time, you would. All those comments would start to get to you. Someday, you'd see me in a different light and realize that all those pretty young things would make your life a whole lot less complicated."

"What the fuck is your problem, Jillian? Stop making up shit that isn't there."

I'd never seen him this mad before, and I was trying to piece it all together. We'd disagreed about this topic many times before, but it never got this heated. All because of a stupid fake date?

"It's not my problem; it's the way the world works. And I don't have to make it up because that's how things actually exist. When others look at me, they see a woman old enough to be your mother, and that's only going to get worse."

This shitstorm needed to end. We only had so much time together, and we were going to spend it in a car arguing?

I set my hand on his leg. "Just please come inside, okay? Let's not do this."

He picked up my hand and took it off. What? "No, Jillian. We are not going inside to fuck and act like everything is fine."

"My God, Chase. All because of what happened with Jeff? I seriously don't get it. I told you I panicked. I told you I'm not going on that damned date. What more do you want from me?"

"You talk a lot about what other people see, but do you know what I see when I look at you?" His voice was softer now. "I don't see a fifteen-year age difference. I see a soulmate. What more do I want from you? I want you to believe that our connection is on the inside, and that's the only light I'd ever see you in."

My head was twirling so fast it was going to pop off and roll away. The conversation just twisted. He can't see me as a soulmate. He just can't. I'm the woman he fucks, the woman he makes meals with, the woman he plays music for, the woman he talks with, laughs with, makes love with....

"I love you, Jillian."

I closed my eyes. My heart pounded in my chest, trying to break free. Holy fuck. He can't love me. He can't love me because I love him back. And we both can't be in love because there wasn't enough music in the world to soothe that beast of a clusterfuck. This was not supposed to happen. What we had together was just a temporary arrangement.

"That's not realistic, Chase." I couldn't even look at him. My insides had grown razor-sharp claws, and they were painfully stabbing me, digging away until there was nothing left. "We can't just lie on a rock and hide out for the rest of our lives and watch the stars. That's not real life."

He was silent for so long I didn't know what to do. Part of me had already died, and I was just waiting for someone to come along and finish off the rest of me.

"Congratulations," he finally said. "You've found a way to scare me off."

Did I say I was dazed? My accuracy rivaled that of a flunked-out meteorologist on crack. What I felt before was a gentle sprinkling of rain. Compare that to the cyclone destroying everything in its wake. I stood on my front porch, wondering how I'd gotten there. Just moments ago, he'd asked me to leave the car, and I had. No arguments. No complaints.

I fished my keys out of my purse and let myself in. Once the door was closed behind me, I heard him drive off. It was surreal being there without him. We should've been ripping each other's clothes off, laughing about something that someone said earlier. Doing whatever.

Just not... this.

I plunked down on the couch, not bothering to turn on a light. There was no danger of crying; I was too far gone for that. I was more numb than anything. This day was bound to come eventually; it just came earlier than anticipated, that's all. I already knew we were over before we started.

If I thought about it, he did me a favor. It would give me more time to get over him before Daniel came home. And now there was zero chance of suffering through the inevitable decline that came along with our type of arrangement.

Yes, I decided, curling into myself. This was a good thing.

#

Around two a.m., my phone rang. I hadn't moved from that spot on the couch since I planted my butt there however long ago. I wasn't keeping track of such things; my attention was dead weight. I was neither sleeping nor awake.

I removed it from the purse that was still flopped over on my lap and checked the screen. "Hi, Perry. What's up?" I applauded myself for sounding normal.

"What's wrong?"

Or not. I forced out a gurgled laugh. "Everything's great."

"Hmm... You don't sound like it. And I don't think I interrupted you in the middle of a sweaty session. Because if I did, you weren't doing it right. You're not breathing hard enough."

"Nope." That's all I could manage to get out.

"Let me talk to Chase."

My stomach recoiled as if it'd been punched. It didn't matter if our breakup was a good thing; his name would probably still affect me for a while, along with everything else. No matter. It just gave me a better chance to fine-tune my sucking-it-up abilities.

"He's not here."

"Why the hell not?"

I sighed. "How come you're calling? I thought you'd be busy with, uh, after-party activities?" I knew it was bad when I encouraged her to tell me things that would never allow me to look my brother in the eye again.

"Nice try. I'm coming over."

"What? No. Aren't you with Stephen? You just celebrated a big milestone together."

"I have the rest of my life to be with him. You need me more right now."

"Perry--"

I heard the hang-up beeps, and I threw my head back. If she wanted to come over, there was no chance in hell of stopping her. I scrubbed the pads of my fingers up and down my face hard enough to make a dermatologist cringe, but it felt so good.

I thought about getting up and turning on the light. I thought about doing a lot of things, but by the time I could decide on anything, she'd arrived.

Perry burst through the door and switched on a lamp, flooding the room with brightness. I squinted at her. "Hi," I said.

"Hi." She dropped her face within inches of mine. "Oh, thank God. And here I thought you two had a horrible fight and broke up or something."

"We did."

"No." She shook her head. "That's not possible. Your eyes aren't red and puffy."

"That's because I'm not crying."

She sat beside me and put her head on my shoulder. "Oh, sweetie. What happened?"

"We were always meant to say good-bye, Perry. We just said it sooner. This is how it's supposed to be, and I'm fine with it."

She picked up her head and stared into my eyes. "You're not lying."

I smiled softly. "No, I'm not."

"But you two... The party... I don't understand. You may not be lying to me, but you've somehow convinced yourself that what you're saying is the truth. You can't deny that everything was perfect, Jills."

Only on a rock. "So, why did you call earlier? You never mentioned."

"I..." She paused and checked me out again. I gave her a larger smile this time, one that told her to trust me. I. Was. Fine. "I really was hoping to speak with Chase." She opened her purse and pulled out a card. "He won the prize."

"Really? I never helped him, I swear." How the hell had he guessed correctly? I caught my breath again after the invisible hit sideswiped me. It's going to take time, Jillian. I took the card from her and unfolded it, my eyes fluttering over his writing.

The perfect proposal:

Somewhere private, the location doesn't matter. It could be on a hill, in the sand, or a rock under the stars. It's the love you have for each other that makes it perfect.

Chase

"That's not even close," I said, handing back the card. Beautiful, but wrong. I suddenly felt like I could sleep for days.

"Yes, it is. For starters, he mentioned sand, and he was the only one to do that. No one else even guessed the beach or the lakefront, which surprised me. And he was right about the rest of it too, Jills. The proposal was romantic and perfect to me, but it wasn't the details that made it that way. I wouldn't have loved it so much if I didn't love Stephen so much."

"I know." I smiled. "So, what did he win?" I held up my hand. "Wait, you're not still planning on giving him anything, right?"

"Would it be bad if I did?"

"Yes. Or fatal, if you let Stephen take care of it."

She laughed. "Oh, Jills. Did you actually read what Chase wrote?"

"Of course I did."

"No, really read it. He was directing it more toward you and him than Stephen and me."

I closed my eyes, feeling very shaky. "He wasn't proposing to me, Perry. That's ridiculous. We barely know each other enough for that."

"I'm not saying that. But I do think he loves you, and he wanted to make that clear."

My breath hitched. "He told me he loved me," I spoke softly, "right before...."

"And how do you feel?"

I didn't respond, just sucked in my bottom lip. Perry pulled me into a hug, and I collapsed against her. "You don't have to say anything, Jills. I understand everything now. And it's okay to cry. Really."

Yes, it was perfectly okay, but I didn't need to. There was no reason to cry, not when it was all for the best. The only thing I had to do was get through this and get on with my life. A dense cloud settled over me, and I sank farther into the couch.

Patience was the key.

And it wasn't happening overnight.

#

Turned out I was wrong again. It did happen overnight.

I dragged the lawnmower into the garage, every muscle sore and screaming at me, my clothes drenched and stuck against my body. I'd just spent the last six hours in the hot sun cutting my grass with a push mower instead of the rider I normally used for my two-acre yard. Trekking back and forth over the uneven ground, hauling up and down ditches, maneuvering around dozens of trees until I thought my arms would fall off was the most sensible thing I could have done.

I took a long swig from my water bottle, wiping the hair from my face. I felt grimy as all hell and needed a shower asap. I noticed the blinking alert of a text out of the corner of my eye; I set the bottle down and trudged over to my phone. I was going to sleep hard tonight.

I smiled, typing out my reply: Still great, Perry. Thanks for checking. Love you.

Nothing like sweating out a hundred and seventy pounds of man to kick-start my day right.

I placed the phone alongside my bottle and swept up the grass mess that had spilled out of the mower. My stomach made a loud, angry noise. I really needed to fill it with something or else it'd never leave me alone. I'd skipped out on the family lunch earlier, citing too much yard work. Perry stopped over afterward and brought me the leftovers. I had a monster-sized bowl of homemade ravioli in my fridge, and even that didn't sound appetizing.

Well, I'd have to find something to munch on or else I ran the risk of being force-fed. She was a little too over-concerned for no reason. I was bouncing back much quicker than I thought I would. But even after staying with me all night and part of the morning, Perry still decided I needed to be checked up on regularly.

As I was closing up the garage, Mike pulled in with no puffy pillows in the car. I raised my head to the sky and inhaled deeply. If he was looking for more Candace advice, I was all tapped out. All I wanted to do was swallow down a handful of crackers, take a long-ass shower, and go to bed early.

"Glad I caught you at a good time." He slammed the car door shut and headed toward me.

"Actually, not. I just finished the yard and was about to take a shower."

"Oh, okay. I can wait."

"I'm really tired, Mike. I've had a long day." I didn't have the energy to squabble.

"Just a few minutes, Jillian. Ten tops. I can tell you about Daniel too." I scrunched up my face, and even that was hard work. Why the hell did those muscles ache? I wasn't chopping the grass with my teeth. "Don't worry. There's nothing wrong."

"All right, fine. You can wait, but I'm taking that shower first, and it might be long."

"No problem. Take your time."

I felt like I had to practically crawl up my front steps to get inside. I shouldn't be that exhausted; I was in decent enough shape. But it was a good exhausted. A necessary exhausted. Maybe I should do it every day. I just had to make sure I ate and slept more than three hours first.

I made a pit stop in the kitchen and poured a glass of iced tea. That one lone bottle of Spotted Cow looked damn tasty, and I almost grabbed it instead. What I really needed to do was pour it down the drain. I slammed the fridge shut and went into the bathroom.

Forty-five minutes later, I came out degreased and ready to get this over with. Mike had helped himself to my tea and was flipping through channels, feet up on the coffee table. "You don't mind, do you?" He held up his glass.

"No, but you can take your feet down."

He put them where they belonged and said, "Hey, is that Frank's ravioli in there?" I nodded. "I'm starving. Do you think...?"

I sighed. "Go ahead." I went into the pantry and grabbed a bag of pretzels, figuring I could use the salt. I sat in the living room, waiting for him to heat up his food. "So, what about Daniel?" I yelled into the kitchen.

The microwave beeped, and he came out a minute later. "He's taking a weekend trip to Rome."

"Yes, Mike. I know that already." I watched him shovel noodles and sauce into his pie hole, barely tasting it. It was probably all soggy. Frank's food wasn't meant to be reheated that way. "He's also planning something to Zurich next," I said.

"What're doing tomorrow?" he asked, his mouth stuffed.

"Working."

"On Labor Day?"

I shrugged. "Sure, why not? Wait, was that all you wanted to say about Daniel?"

"Yeah, I thought you'd be interested to know." I rubbed my temples. Would he ever realize that when it came to our son, I probably knew more than him? "And about that other thing I wanted to talk about...."

"Let me guess--Candace?"

He set the bowl down and chugged the rest of his iced tea. "I took your advice. I told her that I wasn't ready for marriage and babies, if I'd ever be again."

"And?"

"And she kicked me out."

"Shit, Mike. I'm sorry. But it's your place. Shouldn't she be the one to leave?"

"She doesn't have anywhere else to go right now." He put his feet on the table, then quickly removed them.

"Well, neither do you. I suppose you could stay in your office, but that--" The look on his face stopped me short. "No, Mike. Do not even think about it."

He raked his hands through his hair. "It'd just be for a couple days, a week tops--"

"No."

"You wouldn't even know I'm here. I'll be working most of the--"

"No."

"I'll take the guest room and won't bother you and--"

"No."

He smiled sheepishly. "In a way, this is kind of your fault."

"What?"

"Come on, Jillian. Hear me out, okay?"

I lost count of how many times I blinked. "How is any of this even remotely my fault?"

"Well." He clicked off the TV. "You did encourage me to talk to her."

"Because it was the decent thing to do, Mike."

God, I just wanted to go to bed. I nestled up on the couch, folding my arms around me. What kind of bullshit was this?

"You're right, I know. I shouldn't have said it was your fault. She just needs a break, that's all. She'll come around soon, I promise. It'll all blow over, and I'll be back there in no time. Like I said, a couple days, a week tops. Please, Jillian."

"How can you think this is a good idea? If she finds out you're staying here, she won't even want you back."

"Let me worry about that." I was so taken aback by his bizarre request that I opened my mouth, but nothing came out. "Are you hesitant because of that kid you're messing around with?"

"No, I'm hesitant because it's fucking crazy!"

I really needed some rest soon. I covered my eyes with my palms and shook my head, starting to get a headache.

"Jillian, please. I'm practically begging you here. It's really not that big of a thing. It's not like we haven't lived together most of our lives. I won't get in your way, I'll be at the office most of the time, I'll clean up after myself"--I snorted at that one--"and I'll be really grateful. We've been through a lot together, and I'm just asking you this one little favor. And besides, when Daniel calls, he'll be able to talk to both of us at once."

I stood up. "Guest room. One week tops." I couldn't even believe I was agreeing to this, but he did have some valid points. It wouldn't kill me to help out my son's father for a week.

"Yes." He jumped up. "I'll get it all smoothed over with Candace by then. Promise. Thank you, Jillian."

"You're welcome. I'm going to bed."

"Okay. I just need to run home and grab my things. She's not there right now, so it'll be a quick in and out. I'll use my garage door opener to let myself back in, but tomorrow I'll need that key back."

A rush of air sailed through my teeth. This would not kill me, I reminded myself. I was getting a temporary roommate for a week. Hardly a big deal. It wasn't like I had to worry what Chase would think.

Nope, Chase was no longer a factor at all.

#

"Have you lost your fucking mind?"

I was in the process of updating my files, categorizing all my clients by asset ratios and length of service. One of those tedious grunt tasks I'd been procrastinating on forever. I'd been at it all morning and would soon need to find more drudge work to tackle.

Oh, yeah, and I also just casually mentioned to Perry about Mike moving back in. Temporarily.

"No, actually, my mind is pretty well with me lately," I said. I was good. I was getting shit done.

"It's only been two days, Jills. Two days. How are you supposed to grieve properly when your ex is hanging around? I'm sure he doesn't know the story, so he's going to be questioning your every breakdown. That could get annoying as hell. I agree that you shouldn't be alone, but Mike's not the one who should be there. Maybe I should move in for a while instead."

I started laughing. "I told you, I'm helping him out. He's not here to babysit me. I don't need to grieve, Perry. No one died. And I'm not going to cry, so no worries there."

Perry curled her hand over mine, preventing me from making another mouse click. Then she swiveled my chair around to face her, and I narrowed my eyes at her. "And it's a holiday. You shouldn't even be working at all."

"And you should be spending the day outside with Stephen, grilling out and having fun."

"Come with me."

"No, Perry, I'm staying here. I'm getting way too much accomplished today."

She pinched her lips together and drew in a loud breath through her nose. I understood her frustration, but I didn't know how to help her out. I didn't want to leave when I was plowing through things I'd neglected for a while. Her face softened. "Just don't lose yourself in your work again, Jills, because I think this time would be a million time worse."

I gave her my best smile. "I'm not planning on it. Honest. I'm just being productive."

"You appear okay, but I don't think you are, Jills. You and Chase loved--love--each other, and a sane person doesn't get over that in two days."

Then I must be a 'lock me in a rubber room with a straightjacket' crackpot because I got over it in one. It didn't mean I stopped caring about him; it just meant I recognized it was for the best. There was no reason to be a sobbing mess when something was meant to be. And before I knew it, that love would be replaced with a pleasant memory. From here on out, it was only going to get easier.

"You and Chase," Perry said. "Are you sure this is really for the best? Are you sure he's not the one you're supposed to be with?"

"I'm sure."

After Perry had left and I finished as much stuff as I could for the day, I went for a long walk, proving I could do something other than work. I wasn't going to get back into the habit of seventeen-hour days. I knew how unhealthy that was to sustain for any length of time. She didn't need to worry; I could stay balanced.

Softly pounding my feet on the pavement wasn't as effective at taxing my body as hauling around a lawn mower, but it did the job. I felt light and clear as I headed back to my house. I'd even stopped to talk with Michelle a bit while she was out walking Sasha. I told her my fling was over, and she agreed it was only matter of time. It was an easy conversation.

Mike's car was parked in the driveway when I arrived home. He'd been out all day, hopefully working things out with Candace. I was crossing my fingers for some good news when I came inside.

He was sprawled on the couch, feet up on the table, which he abruptly removed when he saw me. I barely gave that a care; my eyes were too focused on his hand.

"Where did you get that?" I asked calmly.

"Your fridge. Where else?"

He took a long sip as my blood started pumping harder and harder. Deep breath, Jillian. My skin was pulsating, the surface ready to break open. I clenched my fists. My deep breaths were not doing shit.

"And who the fuck gave you the right to take whatever you wanted without asking?"

"Jillian?"

"This is how you fucking repay me for letting you stay here? I didn't think I had to hide my shit from you. I didn't think you'd be that inconsiderate and take whatever the hell you wanted as if it were yours to take. My house, Mike. Not yours."

He set down the bottle of Spotted Cow. It appeared to be nearly empty. "I'm really confused here, Jillian. I'll pick up more, okay? I didn't know that taking the last one would be that huge of a deal."

His clueless expression just seemed to anger me further. He took without asking and then thought he could make it all better by offering to buy more?

"Um, is it that time of the month? If so, I totally understand. I'll, ah... be more careful."

I was shaking, fuming, ready to shove that bottle up his ass. Yeah, that would get him back for trying to shove his dick up mine.

"If that's all you're worried about, I suggest you make yourself scarce in five days. I have some pretty sharp knives in the kitchen. I'm liable to slice off your balls and feed them to you."

"Fuck, Jillian. What the hell? You're kinda scaring me here."

I stormed back out to take another walk. Fucking ungrateful prick. I did him a favor, letting him stay in my house after he fucked up with his girlfriend, and how'd he show his appreciation? By taking over the place like he owned it again. By taking what was rightfully mine.

My steps hit the ground a little harder this time until I was practically running. I needed to do what I could to let off steam, to diffuse the pressure in my head.

I moved hard until I couldn't anymore, then dragged myself back home. Mike was wisely in his room with the door closed. I quickly downed three full glasses of water before going into my office.

I didn't speak to him for two days.

By the third morning, I'd come to my senses. I didn't usually freak out so badly before my period, not since my twenties. I didn't know what had taken control of me like that. Maybe I was going into early menopause.

Mike tiptoed around me as I poured myself a cup of coffee. "You want some?" I asked. He froze in his tracks, then took a step back. He obviously didn't want to be in my vicinity. Poor guy. He had every right to be leery of me in the kitchen. Or anywhere. I'd been a little psychotic the other day.

"I can stop and pick some up on my way to the office," he said.

"Don't be silly." I pulled a mug out of the cupboard and handed it to him. "I have plenty here." He eyed me skeptically, and I laughed. "It's not poisoned. Promise." I took a big sip off mine. "See?"

He filled his cup. "Thanks." Then he leaned back on the counter and watched me as he drank. Probably waiting to see if the other Jillian was going to come out and play.

"Listen, Mike. I'm really sorry. Of course, you're going to help yourself while you're staying here, and you don't need my permission to eat or drink anything. I... I don't know what came over me." I smiled. "Maybe I was just really craving a beer that night."

By talking about it, I realized just how absurd I'd been. I had that damned Spotted Cow sitting right out in the open. If I'd wanted the pleasure of dumping it in the sink myself, I should have at least hid it from sight. Mike actually did me a favor. Now I didn't have to look at it anymore.

"Don't worry about it," he said. "Just glad to see you back."

"Any word from Candace yet?" He was more than halfway through his week.

"No, she's still playing hardball, but I'm working on it. She thinks I'll cave and give her what she wants in exchange for being with her again."

"Will you?"

"No, it doesn't work that way. I'm betting on her being the first one to bend."

Hmm... Either he was against a second marriage and family that adamantly or he just didn't love her enough. Whatever the case, he couldn't just hang out with me forever.

He went into the guest room and came out with a piece of paper. "I've been wanting to show you this. Look what I found. I think he was ten?"

I unfolded the paper, and my heart nearly burst. "He was eight," I said. My eyes followed over the crayon drawings of me, Mike, and Daniel. We were all holding hands, a gazillion hearts around us. One big, happy family. At least in Daniel's eyes, we were, and that was what mattered. That was what we were able to give him.

"I forgot to mention. He wants to hop over to Zurich next, after Rome. It's pretty cool that he has the chance to see some of the world before real life sets in."

"Yes, I'm the one who told you about that, remember?"

"So, I've been here several days now, and I haven't heard anything about that... friend of yours. You still spending time with him?"

At least he put it nicely. I drank the rest of my coffee before responding. "No, Mike. I'm not." He nodded. I suddenly had a panicked thought. "You didn't mention anything to Daniel, did you?"

He shook his head. "Why would I? It's not like anything was going to come of it, and what kid would want to hear about his mother being friendly with someone his own age?"

I exhaled slowly. Yes, good. "You're right," I said. "It's all over with, and that's a positive thing. Daniel didn't need to hear about it." I looked down at the drawing again. I couldn't wait for him to get home so I could give him a big ole hug.

"We did good, Jillian. Lots of happy memories here." I nodded and folded up the paper, setting it on the counter.

I rinsed out my cup and placed it in the dishwasher. "I'm jumping in the shower now. You leaving soon?" I asked.

"Yeah, I have an early appointment."

I glanced at the calendar hanging on the wall, reminding me about the scheduled water delivery. "Are you able to put out the empty water bottles on your way out? They're coming sometime this morning."

"Sure."

I headed off to the bathroom and had just sudsed up my hair when I heard the doorbell. Shit, they're here already? I slid the shower door open a crack. "Mike, can you get that?" I yelled out. He must not have left yet if they were at the door looking for the bottles.

It rang a second time while I was squeezing out my conditioner. "Mike?" Often, the delivery guy would try again after he went around the neighborhood. I jumped out and dried off just enough to throw on a robe. Then I darted past all the empty bottles sitting there to see the truck pulling out at the end of my driveway.

Argh. We missed the delivery. Sometimes they'd leave new bottles without the empties, but this wasn't one of those times. I was going through a lot of water lately, and my tap tasted like a swimming pool. I was going to have to take time out of my work schedule to go pick some up.

I groaned. I'd asked him to do one simple thing before he left, and he agreed. I wondered if he'd even been listening to me.

Dammit, Mike. Thanks for paying attention.

#

"We missed you last week, dear."

My mom greeted me at the door, and I gave her a hug. Most times, the scar wasn't visible anymore; I'd gotten so used to it, I hardly even noticed. But once in a while, like today, when the sun hit her face just right, I could see.

"I missed everyone too, Mom."

"Hey, Jills," Perry called from the dining room. "Come and look at these with us."

I went through the kitchen and into the adjoining room where she and Stephen had a bunch of cards spread out on the table.

My brother eyed me over. "How're you doing, sis?"

"Great!" I sat down next to them. I had no clue how much he knew about my recent events. "So, what do we have here?"

Frank wandered in, and I stood up to greet him before he resumed his post in the kitchen. It already smelled wonderful, as always. He loved creating these family meals for us, and it showed.

"Our advice from the engagement party."

"Isn't it bad luck to read them now or something?" I said.

"Where'd you get that idea?" Perry laughed. "It's not a wedding dress, although I don't believe in that superstition either." She handed me a handful of cards. "We have the usual stuff: Don't go to bed angry, keep your own interests, find a reason to fall in love every day. Things like that. But some are frickin' hysterical."

I looked at one that made me smile. Keep the fights clean and the sex dirty. My mind instantly bounced to Chase. I hadn't been fair to him, almost felt like I'd thrown his declaration of love back in his face. Maybe not fair, but necessary.

"Jills?" I snapped out it and looked at her. "You okay?"

"Yeah."

"Your wife won't say, 'what?' because she didn't hear you," Stephen read. "She's only saying that to give you a chance to change your answer."

"Good thing we're so perfect together, honey." Perry gave him a big smack on the cheek. "I do like the 'always fight naked' advice." She waggled her eyebrows. "But I suppose we'd never leave the house then, and we'd always be fighting."

Perry snuggled up on his lap. "Any wedding stuff I can help you with yet?" I asked.

She shook her head. "Believe me, you'll be the first to know. You're not getting out of anything." She grabbed another card. "Here's one for you, Jills. Never trust marriage advice from someone who's done it more than three times. Hmm... I seem to recall telling you something similar about Mabel."

"Michelle."

"Right."

I picked up one that mentioned something about a soulmate but put it back without reading the whole thing. I decided only to stick with the funny ones and forego anything serious or heartfelt. It was a good plan. I ended up having a great time, and it was exactly what I needed. Lots of laugher, and an Alfredo sauce that gave my stomach an orgasm was a winning combination. I'm not sure what I'd do without my family.

Perry pulled me aside afterward. "Is Mike packing his bags? It's been six days."

"No, he's still working it out with Candace."

"Seriously?" She rolled her eyes. "Boot his ass out tomorrow."

I brought her into the sunroom, and we sat down on the couch. The others were far enough away, but I wanted more privacy. "It's really not that bad. He's gone at the office a lot, and when he is there, it's been nice reminiscing about Daniel." I didn't mention my two-day temper tantrum.

"And what if Chase comes around and sees him living there?" No. I did not want to talk about this. That wouldn't happen because we were over. "I saw him yesterday."

It felt like a shock wave crashed over me. "What? Oh, no, Perry. Tell me you didn't."

"Settle down." She placed her hand over mine. "I wasn't there to pry. The prize, remember?" Like she couldn't have disregarded that he won. He would have never known. "I went up to the school and gave him a beer stein. No biggie. But I have to tell you, he looked like shit warmed over."

"Shit's already warm. Bad metaphor." My heart would not calm down, racing as fast as it could to the finish line. I wanted to hear everything. Every little detail. But what would that accomplish?

Perry shook her head and rolled her eyes again. "I think you get what I'm trying to say. He looked like you should right now, like he was half dead. At least he's doing things the right way and mourning you instead of skipping through the tulips."

"God, Perry. No one died. Neither of us should be in mourning." I thought of Hazel and wondered how she was doing. "Did you go into the classroom?"

"No, I found out what time he was done, then waited outside. There was this blonde bitch there giving me the stink eye when she saw me talking to him. I wanted to run her over."

I laughed. "That's Cassie. She has a thing for him." Maybe she'd get a chance to do something about it now. Would Chase be receptive? He said he wasn't interested before, but that could all change now. Little daggers shot into my chest. I hoped the tips were poisoned, so I'd go comfortably numb.

"You're not hiding it very well, Jills. You can't stand the thought of anyone else being with him. Not when he was meant for you."

"Just stop it, Perry, okay? Please?"

"I'm trying to be patient with you, but I think this is all a huge mistake. This is not the time for you to be stubborn and let him get away."

"The only mistake was letting him into my heart to begin with."

And the only right thing I did was let him go.

#

Mike's one week tops turned to two. I didn't force him out the door as Perry suggested, nor did I encourage him to stay. I just let things be. I went through the motions of my day, making calls and meeting clients. Closing deals and keeping my shit organized. My emotions were even-keeled, and I'd had no more outbursts.

Overall, I was doing damn well, and I was proud of it.

"Remember when he climbed that tree?" Mike was standing by the window, looking out at the small white oak. "He got all the way up no problem, but was scared as hell to come down."

I smiled. "I remember. You had to climb up there and hand him to me."

"We were so good together, Jillian."

"We were good at being Daniel's parents."

He turned around and came over to me. I was collapsed on the couch after taking a three-hour walk. "Is that all you think was to it?"

"You don't?"

"No, we had more going for us than just parenting."

I had no idea where he was going with this. Was he in a coma all these past years? "There's a reason we divorced, Mike. We gave Daniel what he needed, but we didn't have what it took to sustain our marriage after he went to college. I'm not telling you anything you don't know."

"I know I was working a lot, building my practice. And then when you started your business, I wasn't very understanding of all the time you put into it. That was my fault. It was hard for me not having you always there anymore."

I nodded. "I know, but I just wanted to do something that was all for me after all those years of being a mom and wife. It all happened for a reason, Mike. There's no purpose to rehash everything."

"I disagree. I need to apologize. You gave a lot to us, and I should have been more accepting of what you wanted. Instead, I started scheduling later appointment hours to keep me away more. That just pushed us further apart."

What is up with him? He's being all introspective. "But then you wouldn't have met Candace."

He looked at me stone-faced and sober. "You need to know, Jillian. I was never unfaithful. I know there's been some question about that, but I told Candace that nothing would ever happen between us until you and I were divorced. If nothing else, I want you to believe that. No matter how much she tried, I wouldn't break my vows to you."

That actually made me laugh. Infidelity involved more than just connecting body parts. "It's fine, really. Whatever happened, happened." I dug inside myself for a trace of volatile emotion, imagining Mike cheating on me. Nope, nothing. I'm not sure I'd ever felt it, even in the heat of the moment.

"Yes, that's all in the past," he said, looking down and rubbing his palms against his knees. "There's only going forward." What the hell is going on with him tonight? "Have you ever thought about trying again, Jillian?"

Mike looked up at me, and I waited for him to bust up laughing. He didn't even crack a smile. Oh, good Lord. He's serious. "Ah, no. I haven't." Not once. Not even a teensy tiny bit.

"Well, think about it now. Maybe you'll find it's not that crazy of an idea." He smiled then, and all I could do was gape at him. "We've had this time apart, and that could have been exactly what we needed. We'll be able to come back together stronger than ever. And I would be fully supportive of your job."

"It's my business, not a job, and..." And where did I even begin? Holy shit. "Are you looking for a way to avoid getting married again?" That was much more plausible than anything else my brain could conjure up.

"I would get married again to you, Jillian. That must say something." He took my hand, but I pulled it back. What kind of fucking bizarre head trip was this?

"This is completely ridiculous. Once again, we got divorced for a reason, and it wasn't just so we could say 'I do' all over again because we need more punch bowls."

"Jillian," he said, laughing, "I'm not suggesting we run off and get remarried, only that I would do it if you wanted. But I do think you should give me another chance. Just think how happy Daniel would be to come home and find us both together again."

"He's an adult now with his own life. It's not the same as when he was little."

"But he'll always still care about his parents, and I know you'll always care what he thinks, what makes him happy."

I curled my legs underneath me and wrapped my arms around my knees. Of course, I wanted Daniel happy, but to do what Mike was proposing? It wasn't like I had another guy in the picture, but it still made my head swim. Could things really be different a second time? Could we put our family back together for the benefit of everyone?

"And just think about grandkids, Jillian. I know that could still be a far ways off, but imagine how much fun that would be to spend time with them together. We could give them all the same kind of memories we gave Daniel. All in this same house with neither of us missing a moment."

He scooted closer to me. "Just promise me you'll think about it, okay?" His face was moving in toward mine, and I turned my head, so his lips got my cheek.

"I'll think about it."

"Have you lost your fucking mind?"

"You told me I already had." I set my cup on top of my napkin so it wouldn't blow away, then took a bite of my sandwich. My mouth was singing a happy tune. Angelina's made the best mozzarella and tomato panini ever, hands down.

Perry just stared at me like I was some deranged person eating in front of a caged, starving animal. She hadn't touched her food since I told her what Mike suggested, and what I was considering.

"This is so beyond just losing it, Jills. This is putting your mind in a fucking blender, then flushing it down the toilet. What kind of crazy shit is he filling your head with?"

Fortunately, we'd met for a late lunch during their off hours and were the only people sitting at their outside tables. I didn't need to be telling her to watch her language every five seconds.

"That was my first reaction too, but it's really not that crazy if you think about it."

Perry rested her hand on my forehead. "Okay, I knew you weren't as well as you pretended to be after you and Chase split, but this is more serious than I thought. I've been patient with you so far, but I think it's time for some tough love."

I brushed her away, laughing. "I am fine, Perry. How many times do I have to say that? Never better and moving forward. Maybe reuniting with Mike is the missing piece I need to get my life back on track. Something's not quite right, and if things between us are different this time... Well, it'd be a great surprise for Daniel when he comes home."

"Jills, you are seriously worrying me here. You know what's not quite right in your life? Chase isn't in it. He's the missing piece." I shook my head. Was she ever going to give it a rest and stop bringing him into almost every conversation? "Mike is like a vulture, swooping down when you're weak. You are not thinking clearly, and you need to kick him out, like yesterday."

I finished off my sandwich. "God, Perry, you make me sound like some invalid who can't take care of herself. I'm not off in la-la land, and Mike's not my merciless caregiver. My mind is perfectly capable of making rational decisions."

"So, have you had sex with him yet?"

"What? Of course not. We're not even officially back together yet."

"Uh-huh. What about kissing? Did you two at least do that?"

"On the cheek."

"Aw, sweet. Just like my grandma does."

I cleaned up my mess then leaned back in the chair, feeling the sun on my face. "So what, Perry? Just because I don't want to rip off his clothes? That's not everything."

"No, you're right. It's not. Tell me what else you and Mike have in common then." I opened my mouth. "And you can't say Daniel or age." I shut it again.

"Oh, okay, I know," I said. "We both have successful careers, and we can both understand what it's like to work long hard hours."

"Yeah, no. I'm vetoing that one. Unless you have a business together, working all the time is something you'd spend doing apart. Not exactly intimate. What else you got?"

She tapped her fingers on the table. This was stupid. "All right then, why don't you tell me what Chase and I have in common besides attraction?"

"Music."

"Everyone likes music. Mike likes music."

She sighed loudly. "I'm not talking about just listening to it, but living it. I'm talking about feeling it. You know exactly what I mean. You and Chase have it coursing through your blood. In fact, I can guarantee that if you were with Chase back in college, you would have never dropped out and--"

I held up my hand. "I do not want to go there, Perry."

"Okay, then what about having similar values? Knowing what it's like to grow up too fast? Actually talking and listening to each other like it means something? Hmm... Eating food that would burn a hole through a normal human?"

"That's like saying Mike and I are destined to be together because we both drink coffee. Spicy food is a superficial trait to have in common."

"Maybe so, but it all adds up."

"You're forgetting the one thing we don't have in common, Perry. The thing that trumps everything else we do have. Our age difference. It's too great, and he's too young."

"No, Jills. You're forgetting the one thing that can override your age difference."

"And what's that?" Fucking all night, barely coming up for air? Losing ourselves in each other's bodies for days on end? Having so many orgasms it felt like I was going blind?

"Love."

#

"Did you give any more thought to what we discussed?"

I was at the sink scrubbing dishes when Mike came up behind me. He'd only asked me that a dozen times since our initial conversation, and every time I told him the same thing. "Yes, but I'm still undecided," I said, shifting aside.

It all felt so clinical, like we were negotiating a business contract. In a way, I guess that wasn't too far off. I was trying to figure out the best course of action while leaving my emotions out of it. On the one hand, I'd be closing myself off to any future relationships, but that was furthest from my mind. On the other, I'd be reuniting our family and settling into a simple life free from drama.

I'd asked him about Candace, but all he'd say was that he was more convinced than ever that she wasn't the one he wanted to be with--I was. And even if nothing worked out between us, he wasn't going back to her. I felt like that should somehow mean something to me, but it just didn't.

"Hey, we should plan something special for Christmas this year."

"That's three months away, Mike." And that's assuming we'd be together.

"Yeah, but our son will be home. That's reason to celebrate, right? I know he's all grown up now, but maybe we could go downtown and check out the square for old times' sake."

I smiled. "Okay."

It didn't matter how far off I wandered; he could always bring me back with Daniel.

I need to do this more often. It was nice to spend some alone time with just my mom. Frank was out golfing for the day, and I had a client meeting in the area. It'd all just fell together.

We were sitting at the kitchen table, chitchatting and drinking coffee, when she brought up Mike. At recent family meals, I'd nonchalantly mentioned that he was staying there for a while, and besides Perry, no one had made an issue of it.

"How long is he staying, dear?"

"I'm not sure... We're talking some things over." I fiddled with my cup, wondering how much to get into. My mom wasn't one to make her opinions boldly known, but I know she didn't feel that Mike and I were well-suited for each other as marriage partners.

"And what about that nice boy who accompanied you to the engagement party?"

"What about him, Mom?"

She placed her hand over mine. "I don't mean to pry, but I just assumed you two were an item. You looked very happy together."

I was a bit surprised. She'd never brought up Chase before. Ever. A weird, paranoid feeling crept in. Were my mother and Perry in cahoots together?

"As I mentioned before, he was more like a friend. Nothing serious." I felt a twinge of guilt over lying to her. He wasn't just a friend to me, but for all intents and purposes, he was that night. That was what we portrayed to everyone.

"I see. I was mistaken then." I nodded and took a sip of coffee. "And Mike? That could evolve into something serious again?"

I might as well tell her since she could very well be placing another setting at the family table soon. "I'm thinking about it, Mom." She smiled but didn't respond. "Do you think it's a mistake to consider it?" I asked.

"Oh, Jillian. I can't answer that for you, but the fact that you're questioning it... Can I ask why the sudden change? This all seemed to happen out of the blue."

I shrugged. "It all started because he needed a temporary place to stay. Then we just started talking about Daniel and it progressed quickly from there. Mike suggested we try again."

She drank her coffee and stared out the window. There were several bird feeders close to the patio doors, and we watched the few straggling orioles feast on the oranges my stepfather put out for them. Soon they'd all be gone, relocating to their winter home. I glanced at her face. I could tell she wanted to say something but didn't want to overstep.

"If you have anything to say, Mom, I'd love to hear it. I really value your opinion."

She turned toward me, setting her cup down. "I just want you to be happy, dear. And when you were married to Mike, I wouldn't say you were unhappy, just not as happy as you could be, if that makes sense."

I nodded. It did, but wasn't happiness overrated? It was fleeting. Here one day, gone the next.

"The only times I truly saw you light up was around Daniel."

"I'd do anything for that boy," I said.

"I know. That's what worries me."

I frowned, giving her a questioning look. "I don't understand."

She smiled, the softness in her face crinkling. "Do you still want to hear my opinion?"

"Of course."

"You spent a great deal of your life raising another man's child." I opened my mouth to protest, but she squeezed my hand. "I'm not saying it was the wrong decision, nor am I saying he's not your son. He is, in every way that counts. And I couldn't consider Daniel more my grandson if he were my own flesh and blood. But my point is that you gave up everything for that boy, including the chance of finding a true love of your own."

My throat tightened, and I forced down the saliva. I couldn't help feeling a bit defensive. I already knew that I loved Daniel more than Mike, but so what?

"I never regretted anything, Mom. I did the right thing."

She nodded. "Yes, and I'm so proud of you for giving a child the chance to have a good life, one filled with so much love. You were unselfish during a period when most are still focused on themselves. Maybe the time has come for you to live your life for you."

I shook my head. I already did that by starting my business. "It's okay to admit that it was hard putting another's needs first all the time, even if it was also fulfilling. It doesn't mean you love Daniel any less. But he's no longer a little boy. He's a grown man, Jillian. He doesn't need you in the same way, and neither does Mike."

I rubbed circles over my face, trying to ground myself. I was so blown away at the moment. My mom had never talked like this before. Maybe I'd never given her the opening to do so, but still....

"Do you know when else I saw you light up?" I looked at her, already knowing what she was going to say and already wishing she wouldn't. "I don't think Chase was just a friend to you, dear."

I couldn't deny it or else I was liable to start crying, and I'd made it this far keeping my tears in check. I wasn't going to break down now. "You know how old he is, Mom."

"Yes, I do. Does that make a difference to you?"

"Of course it does." I gaped at her, wondering how she could speak so calmly. I lightly touched her face. "After everything you've been through...."

My mom smiled and took both my hands in hers. "Jillian, dear, please don't let my past mistakes affect your future happiness."

"They weren't your mistakes!" A bubble of protectiveness rose inside me. If she was blaming herself for what happened, I'd hunt my dad down and make him pay.

"Everyone plays a part in everything."

"No," I said. "Not in this case." My father was the one who practically forced my mom to have plastic surgery because she wasn't beautiful enough for him anymore. Because she was starting to age faster than he wanted her to. It was his fault she had complications. His fault she wore that scar on her face to this day. Then the bastard left her anyway.

"I don't hold any grudges, and I wish you and your brother didn't either." I closed my eyes and jostled my head sharply. My mom was too damned nice. "Look how rich my life is now. I have Frank and my family around me. I came out of this a much stronger and secure person. Your father didn't make me do anything, Jillian. If I'd held my ground, he wouldn't have been able to talk me into something I didn't want to do."

The floor was crumbling away beneath me. This was another subject my mother never talked about. Ever. "But... Dad was so much younger than you. Even if you never had surgery, there would have still been all those extra problems to deal with."

Not to mention the added stress Stephen and I went through. Although, he had it worse than I did. Not only did he have to go through Mom's suffering, but he also had the pleasure of running into one of Dad's much younger girlfriends.

"No more problems than anyone else in a troubled marriage. The fact that I was older than your father wasn't relevant. The fact that we weren't right for each other was."

I... I didn't know what to think anymore. "I don't know what to do, Mom."

"Just be happy, Jillian."

#

I drove home both lighter and heavier at the same time. When was the last time I'd had such a deeply personal conversation with my mother? Ever? It was a surreal feeling.

I didn't know where to go from here. I hadn't expected my afternoon to unfold quite the way it did. It threw me off track, and I was so far from the beaten path I didn't know if I'd ever find my way back.

I pulled into the driveway to find Mike's car there, as expected. He said he was going to spend the day doing some cleaning, which made me snicker at the time. His version of tidying up was putting on a new roll of toilet paper and throwing out the old one.

"Hello," I called out when I stepped inside. The living room still looked the same; although, it hadn't been too messy to begin with. "Hello, Mike? You there?"

I walked through the kitchen, noticing his dirty dishes in the sink, and went toward my office to drop off my work bag. I stopped in the doorway. The room looked different, more open. Cleared out. It took me half a second to realize why--the boxes of toys and bags of clothes were gone.

"Hey, Jillian. I thought I heard you come home." I turned to see Mike coming up the basement stairs.

"Where'd you put all this stuff?" I asked.

"I dropped it off at the donation center this morning. You asked me to do that, remember?"

"Well, yes, a few months ago. I was still going through the house whenever I had time, adding to the pile, but... thank you." I took the paperwork out of my bag and filed it in the drawer.

"You're welcome. I thought about keeping some things, you know, for Daniel's kids, but most of it was pretty worn out. Except for some of the board games--"

Games? I tuned out the rest of his words as my eyes darted to the side of my desk. I peeked underneath, then behind. My pounding in my ears grew louder and louder.

"Jillian, is something wrong?"

I tossed around a stack of folders. The room was pretty damn clean; there weren't too many places for a square box to play hide and seek. No. Please, no.

"I had a game set aside. It was separate from the donation pile." I spoke calmly and rationally. "Have you seen it?"

"Sure. It was right there?" He pointed to the place by my desk where I'd made a spot for it. Where I saw it every time I worked, which was a hell of a lot. "I stacked it with the others and brought it in."

"Why would you do that? It was set aside for a reason, Mike." My voice had lost some of its evenness. If it was anything like my emotions, it resembled a serrated ice pick. I had this sickening feeling I couldn't tame, and it was grower stronger.

All I had to do was breathe. "Which center did you take it to?"

"The one on North Ave. What's this about? Was that Daniel's favorite game or something?"

"I gotta go," I yelled as I ran for the door. If I remembered correctly, the place closed in twenty minutes, and that's how long it took to get there.

I made it in eighteen. The chances were still pretty good, I assured myself. He'd only dropped it off that morning. It was unlikely someone had purchased it already. The center probably hadn't even finished sorting through everything. It was a huge load.

I darted inside as the clerk was walking to the door, probably to lock it. "I'm looking for a game. It's called Bunked. Purple and green box. It was dropped off earlier."

I expected the woman to laugh at my frantic request. I was talking so quickly, and I sounded like I was jonesing. 'Must need board game fix.' When she handed it to me, I had to make sure I didn't smack my lips and bounce up and down.

"I'm sorry, honey." There was no laughter, only kind eyes. "We were cleared out of all our games and toys today. Every so often they get picked up for Children's Hospital."

"Oh... okay then."

"Are you ill? Do you need to sit down?" The woman was peering at me with a concerned expression, making me wonder how I must look to her.

"No, I'm fine. Thank you for your time."

I wandered back to my car and got inside. What just happened here? I drove like a lunatic on heavily trafficked roads for what... a used board game? I didn't understand my impulsive reaction. Yes, Chase and I had played that game, but we did lots of things together. Should I have been saving all our used condoms too?

I started the drive back home. It's a fucking game, I reminded myself. I could go buy a brand spanking new one right now. One that didn't have a beer stain on one of the cards or have his fingerprints all over the damned timer.

Only a game, Jillian.

Plop.

A fucking game.

Plop plop.

It means nothing.

Plop plop plop.

I was underwater by the time I made it home. A drowned mess. Hair sticking to my face, snot running down my lips. I didn't even know how I did it. My eyes felt like someone had poured acid into them.

I went inside and straight to my room, having no recollection if I'd seen or talked to Mike. I shut my door and crawled into bed, the tears never once taking a break, the sobs never once quieting from my mouth.

At one point in the night, I glanced over and saw Perry sitting there. "How...?" I had to be dreaming.

"Shhh..." She came over and rocked me like a child. "Don't talk, just cry. You need this, Jills. I'm here for you."

I stayed in that room for three days. I started to believe I was sick for as much as I slept. When I was awake, Perry was either forcing me to eat tasteless soup, or I was crying, sometimes both. My eyes had become swollen slits.

By the time my jag had finally come to an end, I was tapped dry. Wiped out as if I'd been through a seventy-two-hour labor, not lounging around in bed. But it all had worth, because once the gunk cleared away, I was left with a clear mind.

"I love him, Perry."

"I know you do."

"Do you think I'm too late?"

"I don't know. I'd like to think not."

I sat up in bed and guzzled from my water bottle. My mouth tasted like I'd barely survived a bout of the stomach flu. "I need to brush my teeth."

"Yes, you do."

"And take a shower."

"Yes, you definitely do." She smiled. "Good thing you have a working air conditioner, or things could have gotten a whole lot funkier in here."

"Still hot out?" I asked. It was a strange feeling to have days of your life disappear.

"Yep." We were in the middle of an Indian summer and temps were hovering in the high eighties. "But I did open the windows at night to get in some fresh air."

I didn't know how she managed to stay with me so long. "I hope I didn't get you in trouble with your job." I quickly scanned through my schedule, praying I hadn't bailed on any appointments. Whew... I lucked out.

She waved her hand. "I took vacation days. I had extra anyway."

"Thank you, Perry." Who else could have taken care of me like that? My money wouldn't have gone on my ex, especially because my breakdown was due to reasons he'd never understand. "What made you come here in the first place?"

"Can you believe Mike called me?"

"What?"

"Yeah. I'm glad he did, but he needs to get a clue. God, I swear. He didn't know how to handle you, and he thought you were having 'woman'"--she did air quotes--"issues. He said you freaked out over some game and then wouldn't stop crying. He should know better; he's a doctor, for Christ's sake."

"He's a shoulder surgeon, not a gynecologist."

She rolled her eyes. "He should still know better."

"In his defense, I've never acted like this before."

"You've never been in love like this before."

We sat in silence for a while. I needed to get outside and feel some sunshine. I needed to do a lot of things.

"You know you have to talk to Mike, right? And you have to do it soon. He needs to leave."

"I know."

I had a new plan: Mike, then Chase.

And pray it wasn't too late.

#

"You better?" Mike eyed me warily. "You look better."

"Yes, much." I couldn't help snickering to myself. He kept his distance like I was some wild animal coming off tranquilizers and couldn't be trusted. "Don't worry. I'm not going to attack."

"You were pretty scary before, Jillian."

"Well, I'm all good now." So incredibly good. All the toxic shit inside me was gone. I'd showered, cleaned up my room, and was about to shed another large chunk of dead weight.

"Perry heard you talking to someone the other day. Was it Candace?"

His face looked like I'd walked in on him bending his secretary over the desk. "Oh, it was nothing. Honest, Jillian. She called me."

"It's fine, really." More than fine. "What did she want?"

He inched closer to me. "Ah, she wants me to come home. But I don't want her. I want you. I already told you that."

"But have you told her that?" He didn't respond. Of course, he didn't. Chickenshit. "I think you should, Mike. Go home. Or not. That's your choice, but it's not right for you to stay here with me any longer. It'll be going on a month soon."

"What are you saying? We've already discussed this. Daniel--"

"See, that's what I'm talking about. Maybe I didn't realize it before, but you've always used him as leverage. As a way to keep me reeled in."

"That's crazy."

"Not really. I think things eased up for a while when you were occupied with Candace, but overall, that's how it's been throughout our entire relationship. You knew I'd do anything for our son, and you took advantage of that."

He ran his hand through his hair. "I cannot believe you're saying these things, Jillian. To imply that I'd use him is just wrong."

"I'm not saying your actions were pure malicious intent, but I think I filled a role for you, and you're trying to hold on to that. It was never our marriage first because there was no great love between us. But through it all, I did let it happen, so I'm just as much to blame. I just can't let it happen anymore. I'll always be there for Daniel, but you and I aren't meant to be together."

"Oh, I get it. This has to do with someone else."

I dropped my head in my hands. Yes, there was someone else, but he was missing the point entirely. Whether or not Chase forgave me had nothing to do with me and Mike.

"This is about that kid, isn't it? You said you were no longer with him."

"I'm not." I took a deep breath and forced out the rest of the words. My days of not allowing my feelings to shine through had to be over or else I didn't stand a chance. "But I want to be. I... I'm in love with him."

Mike stared at me, eyes bugged out. Then he threw his head back and started laughing. I drummed my fingers on the couch waiting for him to finish.

"Yeah, right, Jillian. You are not in love with him."

I narrowed my eyes. "I'm glad you find this so funny because I'm completely serious."

"I already told him he was wasting his time when he showed up that day. Why go backward and stir things up again? Just leave it be. If you want someone to take care of, you can do that with me."

I gasped sharply, my stomach clenching. "What the fuck, Mike? Chase came over, and you kept that from me?" The rest of my body tensed when he shrugged as if it were nothing. I breathed through it. Nothing could change the past; I had to focus on going forward. "And I am not looking for someone to take care of. And if I were, Chase wouldn't be the right guy. He's been more mature than me over these past months. No, this has to do with love. That's why I want to be with him."

Mike sobered up, losing his joviality. He looked me dead on and said, "You are not parading your boy toy around our son. Think of what that would do to him."

"Daniel is an adult now. He'll understand, and if he doesn't, that is not my responsibility. I don't need his permission to be happy."

"You are making a mistake, Jillian. You're going to fuck everything up."

I had a tiny flutter of doubt. Maybe I would fuck everything up. Maybe Daniel would have such a problem with Chase that it'd pull us apart. Assuming, of course, that Chase even wanted me anymore.

It was worth the risk. I loved Daniel more than anything, but I felt the same about Chase. As Perry so fondly drilled into my head, this wasn't the time to hold on to my stubborn ways. It could cost me a shot at true love.

"Then that's my mistake to make. Good-bye, Mike."

#

I didn't need to drive. I could have flown. The butterflies were working overtime, and all I would have had to do was let go of the wheel and float all the way there.

Shit, I was going to be sick.

But it was a good sick. A healthy anxiety reminding me how much I hoped for a good outcome. Oh, my God, what if he had another girlfriend already? I gagged down a wad of spit. My throat didn't like that option. I had to push it away. Instead, I'd visualize the perfect scenario: I'd walk in, and he'd take me into his arms. I'd apologize, and he'd accept. Then we'd live happily ever after.

Yeah, that wasn't working either. I couldn't focus long enough to keep the positive vibes flowing. Something would interfere with my fantasy and blow it all to hell. Another woman, his realization that he'd been better off without me, the roof caving in. My mind was a jumbled pit of possibilities.

I parked in the lot and sat there. I hadn't called first; this was not something for over the phone. I needed to look into his eyes when I talked to him. I glanced around, unsure of how to proceed. The school day would end soon, and I didn't know if I should wait in the car or go inside. I hadn't nailed down every detail of the plan.

In the end, I decided to go inside. I was afraid of missing him somehow, even with my eyes peeled to the front door. What if I blinked too long? Another option was waiting by his car, but what if he'd recently installed an alarm and I set it off and disrupted the whole school? I couldn't stop conjuring up all these idiotic situations, but it all came down to nerves.

I was terrified to death that he wouldn't forgive me, and my brain was trying to distract me long enough until I found out.

I pushed through the door and walked through groups of people milling about. Still a tiny school, but a much different atmosphere than during the summer. I blended in, which I was grateful for. I could have been any other parent picking up their child. The only attention I wanted drawn to me was Chase's. I wanted him to acknowledge me first.

I went down to his classroom at the end of the hall, peeking in every window along the way in case he'd changed rooms. My pulse was a freaking bass drum, and I kept expecting someone to ask where that noise was coming from. Some doors were cracked open, some not, but the one at the end of the hall was.

The first thing that caught my eye was a sparkly pink guitar attached to a backpack on the floor. My heart did a little flip. The bag was propped against the desk where Hazel sat, head down and working on something intently. In fact, the entire class seemed occupied. I backed up, so I didn't disturb them, and in doing so, I saw him.

His eyes were already on mine, no doubt noticing me before I'd noticed him. I wished to God I would have seen his first impression; it may have given me a spark of hope because based on the look he wore now, it wasn't the reaction I was going for.

Or it could have crushed me completely, so maybe it was better for me not to know. My chest squeezed painfully. I couldn't look away. How had I gone so long without staring into his flawless face? How had I let this beautiful soul walk away?

Everything moved in slow motion. I watched Chase set his pen down and quietly push away from his desk. He stood up and walked over with a silent strength that made me ache for him. He was once mine. Would he ever be again?

The energy zinged within me. I wondered if he could feel me as intensely as I could feel him. The connection was still there; I was sure of it. I wanted him to enforce that belief with a smile, a fiery glimmer in his green eyes, anything.

It didn't happen. The closer he got, the further I sank. He was a watered-down version of himself, and that broke my heart.

"What are you doing here, Jillian?" His voice was low, his emotions flat. Not dissimilar to how I'd probably sounded that night right before I left his car.

"I'm following my passion."

I hadn't planned what to say; I didn't rehearse conversations in my head beforehand. If I had, maybe I wouldn't have been so speechless when he rejected me.

"And I'm in class. I'm sorry. I can't do this."

He stepped back into the room and softly closed the door, shutting me out. I was rooted to the spot, too shocked to move an inch. All the people and sounds around me were muffled like my head was submerged. Chase hadn't said, 'I can't do this right now.' He said, 'I can't do this.' As in ever.

It didn't matter if I deserved his treatment or not. I didn't care if I got exactly what I paid for. It still hurt. It still hurt so fucking badly I wanted to curl up and die.

I somehow managed to put one leg in front of the other and walk away. I didn't know where I was going, but I'd deal with that when I got there.

I was halfway down the hall when I felt a whoosh behind me, and I turned in time to catch Hazel before she smacked into my legs. "Jillian!"

I bent down and hugged her. "Hi, sweetie. What are you doing? You're supposed to be in class."

"Mr. N let me come say hi to you. As long as I was real quick."

I laughed. "Well, you certainly were quick, Hazel."

"Are you coming to watch me in the talent show?"

"Talent show?"

"Please, Jillian?" She started hopping up and down. "I'm playing my guitar."

"When is it?" I waved her to start following me back to the room. I didn't want her gone too long. School had to be ending any minute, and I didn't think I could take seeing Chase's lifeless expression again.

"On Saturday. Here in the gym. Pleeeease?"

"I promise you I'll try my hardest, okay?"

She nodded, and I gave her a hug good-bye. Just before I stood back up, she whispered, "I miss you. Mr. N does too. He still makes jokes, but I can tell. He's real sad."

Hazel slipped from my arms and into the classroom, and I quickly turned away. I didn't know what to make of it. Any of it. Sad or not, Chase made his feelings clear, and now that I was alone once more with my thoughts, it was killing me all over again.

I left for the door, spotting a stack of flyers by the office advertising the talent show. I grabbed one just as the bell chimed. I got to my car and sped off, willing myself to keep it together. I was on the verge of another crying spell; I could feel it. The tears were bubbling up inside my lids, ready to drop at the slightest provocation.

I pushed them back inside and cranked up the music. I swear tear ducts had a seal just like a bladder. Once broken, you had to worry about liquid gushing out every twenty minutes. And it wasn't like I'd never cried before--I had, a lot. Just not like this. Not these raw, emotional sobs that ripped your heart to shreds.

Had Chase felt like this when I stomped all over him? Even if it was only a fraction, I wanted to strangle myself for doing that to him. I sucked. Big time.

By the time I made it to my driveway, I only had slightly damp cheeks. Not bad, considering. Stephen's truck was parked there; he was the last person I expected to see waiting for me. Well, second to last. I pulled into the garage and checked my eyes in the rearview mirror before getting out.

Both Perry and my brother were hopping out as well. I tried to remember if I'd made plans with them, but she knew I was attempting to work it out with Chase today. The lead ball in my stomach bounced hard, knocking me off-center. Things were so much better when it was still attempting and hopeful, instead of attempted and failed.

"Perfect timing!" Perry said. "We were just on our way to..." She stopped and dashed over. "Jills?" She peered into my eyes. "Oh, no. Chase?" I bit my bottom lip and nodded. "You already saw him?" I nodded again, looking at Stephen. He'd been playing the strong and silent role toward me lately. "But you said you were going to call and invite him over tonight. What happened?"

"I changed my mind and went up to the school instead. I wanted my first words to him to be to his face. That didn't work out so well," I said softly.

"What did he say?"

"That he was sorry, but he couldn't do this." Ever.

"And how'd he look?"

"Different."

She sighed, then waved Stephen over. "We need a man's opinion."

"He doesn't need to get involved, Perry."

Stephen came up and looked me over. "Hey, sis." There's no way he didn't know where Perry was for three days, and he was probably deciding whether or not I was still operating in basketcase mode.

"If a guy tells a girl he loves her, and she basically shits all over him--sorry, Jills, but it's true--wouldn't he be just a little hesitant to get back with her?"

Stephen turned to me. "Chase told you he loves you?"

"Yes."

I waited for it. Waited for him to say that a kid his age had no business professing his love to me. But he didn't say a word. He just exhaled forcefully and ran his hands through his hair.

"Okay, obviously he agrees with me," Perry said. "The message here is don't give up yet. Chase is hurting, and it might take some time, but he'll come around. But he also has to know you're serious. Does he even know how you feel about him?"

"Not exactly." In hindsight, I should have said I loved him right away, but I never expected our time to end so quickly. My eyes flicked back over to my brother. I couldn't believe he was being so unopinionated about the whole thing.

"He needs to know, Jills. Soon."

I knew Chase was more than worth my efforts to try again, but I wasn't sure how many times it'd take before my heart gave way. "Why'd you two stop over?"

"Oh, yeah!" Perry nudged Stephen. "Tell her what you told me. She needs some cheering up."

I tilted my head at him, having no clue what was going on. "I was at Wengo's the other night. So was Chase."

My chest started yammering. "Who was he with?" Wait. Perry said this would cheer me up. That rules out another girl.

Stephen shrugged. "I don't know, a couple buddies maybe." His hands were stuck in his front pockets, and he was slowly rocking back and forth on his heels while Perry danced around him. She gestured for him to continue. "Yeah, and for what it's worth, he looked pretty down and out. Several times, that blonde waitress came around, but he brushed her off."

Amanda?

"See?" Perry said with a huge grin. "And that's even more impressive, considering guys like to fuck anything that moves to get over someone."

My insides churned. I already knew Chase was attracted to her; they'd screwed around before, but... but this was a good thing, right? Nothing was stopping him from getting with her again, yet he wasn't taking the bait.

"Not all guys are like that, Perry," Stephen said.

"Well, I know you're not." She wrapped her arms around his neck. "There's not enough pussy in the world that would help you get over me."

"You're right about that."

She giggled and kissed him, and I responded by clearing my throat. If this was the start of their foreplay, I didn't want it happening in my driveway. "How did you know he was brushing her off?" I asked Stephen.

"It was pretty obvious that's what was happening."

"Do you think he saw you, and that's why he was being careful?" But that didn't make sense either. We were already over, and it wasn't like he was trying to get back with me.

"I don't know, Jillian, but I really doubt it. Look, I'm not sure what all's going on between you two, and I'm not asking for details. I only want to know that whatever you're doing, you're doing it with eyes wide open."

He wasn't condoning, but he wasn't condemning either. Not that I needed Stephen's consent to love Chase, but his softened stance on the matter meant a lot.

"Thank you, little brother." I gave him a hug. "For the first time in my life, that's exactly what I'm doing."

#

I scanned the flyer again: Doors open at seven. Acts start at seven thirty. I'd read it over countless times. It was a benefit to support the music department. There wasn't any more information to glean by continuing to stare at it, but I was a ball of flaming nerves and wasting time. I used the paper as a makeshift fan instead and watched people file into the gym.

I was parked in the crowded back lot not too far away from a black Ford. I'd known the chances were well above average that Chase would be part of the event, but spotting his car still tossed me on my back. I was both excited and scared as hell to see him. I'd committed to not giving up on us, but I was there for Hazel, first and foremost. Whether he acknowledged me or not, I wasn't leaving until I saw her play. And God forbid, he was there with a date--please, please, please, no--I still wasn't leaving.

I had to get my ass inside and get a seat; there was no sense showing up only to spend the night hiding out in the car. Besides, I shouldn't be that nervous--I was wearing the magic dress. I hadn't worn it for Chase, but for myself. I needed the extra boost of confidence.

I took an energizing breath and opened the door. Here we go. I followed the path of others and went into a small side lobby, and from there, into the gym. Admission was free, but there was a donation jar sitting near the entrance. I pulled some cash out of my purse and dropped it inside.

Then I scoped out the area. It was smaller than most schools, but so was the entire building. There weren't bleacher seats like I'd expected to find, but several tables of all different sizes set up in front of the stage. It was more personal than I would have liked.

Once again, Chase had noticed me first. He was sitting at one of the far tables, but it was still close enough to see his confused expression as he took me in. His collared shirt was rolled up at the sleeves, and his forearms were straight out in front of him, hands crossed.

The sight of him was a knife to the gut. I missed him so fucking much. And seeing Cassie come over and sit down next to him just about finished me off. She touched his arm for a brief second, but it was one second too long. I wanted to rip off her hand and beat her with it.

"Jillian! You came!" The sound of Hazel's voice was exactly what I needed to get myself centered. She ran up to me and grabbed my hand. Whatever I had to deal with tonight, it was worth it. There'd be plenty of time afterward to cry over it.

"Hi, sweetie." I gave her a big smile. "I can't wait to see you up on that stage."

"Do you want to sit with me?"

"I'd love to." I sighed in relief when she brought me over to a smaller table a safe distance from Chase's. If I had to watch Cassie touch him again, I didn't know what I'd do. I took a quick glance over there anyway, chastising myself for being a damn masochist. What, did I get off on the pain and humiliation? She was keeping her mitts off for the time being, but I didn't want her sharing his space. Period.

"You can sit with Mr. N if you want."

I shook my head. "Oh, no. I'm sitting right here with you."

"You don't want him to be your boyfriend again?"

I smiled. What was it like to be so innocent? I couldn't remember. "I'm not a teacher, and Mr. Nolan is sitting at the teacher's table."

She nodded, accepting my answer. No doubt it was a better one than 'It's complicated.' A couple of Hazel's little friends sat down, and my eyes wandered back over to Chase. There were a few more people at the table, which made me hopeful that my teacher comment had some validity. Yeah, maybe that was it. Cassie was only there because she worked with him.

My throat tightened. This was the wrong thing to think about. If I was so worried about her sitting at a stupid table with him, what about the other dozens of hours she was around him?

"I thought that was you."

I swiveled my head around and smiled at Hazel's grandmother. "Hi, Linda. So nice to see you again."

She took a place at the table. "I was just over there talking to a few people when I happened to see you. Hazel said you might come. I'm really glad you did."

"Me too." I made sure Hazel was occupied with her friends. "How is she doing?" I asked quietly.

"Oh, very well. No more setbacks since the day you were there." A light feeling descended over me. I was overjoyed to hear that. Linda touched my hand. "Thank you again for being there, by the way. It means so much to have extra support."

"You're welcome. She's a special little girl."

I didn't know if it was intentional or just a coincidence, but she did not comment or question about Chase. I was so grateful. It would have been a little trickier explaining things to a grown woman.

Hazel scooted over by us and said, "Grandma might do an act with me too."

"Really?" I looked at Linda, and she shrugged.

"Irish dancing. But only if her knees don't hurt too bad."

"I used to take lessons," I said, "but a long time ago." God, when was that? First grade?

The lights dimmed, and everyone standing scrambled for their seats. Chase hadn't come over to talk to me, and I couldn't deny how that made me feel. But I assumed he'd figured out by now that I was there because Hazel invited me. There really was no reason for him to come over and find out for himself. That was fine; there was a time and place for everything.

Oh, fuck. He was going up on the stage, and that stage wasn't too far from my table. I rubbed my sweaty palms over my thighs and swallowed about fifty times before he even began to speak. Thank God the lights were low because I couldn't imagine what I looked like. But Chase... he was under the spotlight front and center, full-on display, and my memory was serving me well. If only he'd been a complete asshole, then maybe I wouldn't have had those urges to run up there and tear off his clothes with my teeth.

I followed his mouth as he thanked everyone for attending and as he discussed the role of the arts in education. What he spoke was important, and I already knew I agreed with him based on prior conversations we'd shared. I just couldn't focus on his every word at the moment, not while he was so close to me. If my proximity was equally affecting him, he didn't show it. Not that I wanted him to fluster and mess up; I just wanted to detect something.

After he had finished, a lady took his place, and I learned that there'd be twenty acts, separated by a short intermission and refreshments. Each act brought in a new donation, so as far as I could tell, the more, the better.

When Hazel had asked me to see the show, I'd no idea what to expect, but the first hour flew by. It was lovely. All amateur talent, but some of it quite good. Kids of all ages singing, doing magic, performing skits. There was a mother-daughter tap dancing act and a father-son electric guitar performance of "Smoke on the Water." I had the feeling that no auditions were necessary; whoever wanted to be a star for the night could have their chance.

When the lights switched back on, there was another mad rush to get to the snack table. Hazel went up with her grandmother, but I stayed put. My stomach was too twisted to put anything in it anyway. I was glad I came but come on... Chase was in the same room as me, and I wasn't in his arms? It hurt.

I didn't notice her until she was right next to me. Sneaky bitch. "Cassie."

"Hello," she said, her smile as fake as her nails. Her chair was pulled close to mine, and something was making me nauseated. Perfume, hairspray? No, probably just her. "I'm not sure what you're hoping to accomplish, but it's obvious Chase is no longer interested. So a little friendly advice? Go find someone your own... size to play with."

In the next moment, she was gone. I was torn between chasing after her and crumbling into tiny pieces. No, he might not be interested any longer, but she didn't need to be such a fucking cunt about it. I was trembling inside, anger and heartache swirling together and creating a chaotic mess.

Hazel returned to the table, and I released it the best I could. Time and place, I reminded myself. I could be mature and gracious. She set down a brownie the size of a small paperback. "That looks good," I said.

"Want some?"

"No, thank you." I pointed at the stage. "When do you go up there?"

"I think soon."

Linda had returned with a cup of coffee right before the room went dark again. I was looking forward to leaving. I'd had enough for the evening. I'd give Chase a little more time after tonight, then maybe try calling and inviting him over like I'd originally planned. I did not want to hang my head and scurry away like a frightened bunny, but honestly, how much did I want to take?

After two acts in, Hazel was finally called up. She grabbed her pink guitar and went to the stage. I couldn't stop smiling. She put the strap over her shoulder and sat down on a little stool, practicing a bit of fingerpicking first. She moved in close to the microphone. "This is something my teacher taught me."

Chase darted up there and whispered something into her ear, causing her to giggle. Just seeing him for those few seconds made my chest crush. I didn't want to see his face anymore tonight.

When he stepped down, she began strumming a few chords of what I guessed to be "Sweet Child O' Mine." I clapped and smiled even wider. It was awesome.

Hazel set down her guitar. "And now my friend Jillian is going to Irish dance with me."

Wait, what? My breath caught in my throat. Doesn't she mean Grandma? Hazel was waving at me, and I leaned over to Linda. "Aren't you supposed to go up there?"

"My knees won't make it," she whispered back.

"Jillian? Come on." Hazel called from the stage.

Oh, shit. I shook my head. It would have been nice to have a heads-up. "I don't remember anything, Linda." Everyone was looking in my direction, waiting for me to move. What in the world was going through Chase's head?

"It's fine. She'll show you."

God, did I feel like an idiot. If Hazel weren't using those big brown eyes as a weapon, I would have held my ground. I went up there wondering how I was going to do this. It's not like I was auditioning for Dancing with the Stars, but I still didn't want to fall flat on my face and make a fool of myself.

When I stepped up on the platform and peered toward the audience, some of my tension melted away. The lights were too blinding for me to see anyone beyond the nearest tables. That left only a small handful of people in my line of vision, and neither Chase nor Cassie was one of them.

I bent down and said, "I don't remember any of my lessons, Hazel. You'll have to teach me."

"Okay," she yelled loudly into the microphone. "I have to teach her first."

The crowd laughed, and I couldn't help relaxing more. This might even be fun. I watched her steps, keeping my arms straight at my sides. One-two-three. Two-two-three. She did the most basic of jigs, and it was easy enough for my brain to make the recollection. As soon as we were in sync, someone began playing fiddle tunes in the background.

We couldn't have been up there more than ten minutes, but by the time we finished, I was in a completely different mindset. I took Hazel's hand, and we went back to our table. Because of her, I felt really, really good.

"That looked fun," Linda said, and we both burst out laughing.

I stayed for the remaining acts, and when the final one completed, I waited for the lights to flick on. I picked up my purse and fished out my keys, ready to leave. "We'll now be taking walk-ups and doing a little dancing." I raised my head to see the same woman from earlier speaking into the microphone and shaking her hips.

I figured I didn't need to stick around for this part. I slid my chair back, nearly colliding with a couple of girls running full speed past. Hazel begged me to stay while her friends were on stage, so I scooted back in and listened to them sing some nonsensical song I'd never heard of. "Did they make this up?" I asked.

"Yep." She gave me a silly grin, and I gave her one right back.

As soon as the girls jumped down, a middle-aged man took their place and attempted to do some form of rapping. The night had just taken a strange turn. Tables were pushed aside, clearing out space in the back for a dance floor, and before long, adults and children alike were singing everything from country duets to hard rock. "I need to get going, Hazel." I wasn't sure where Linda had disappeared to. Maybe she was in line to belt one out like everyone else.

"Aw, already?"

Out of the corner of my eye, I noticed Cassie. She was leaning over and speaking to a guy at the table next to mine while staring daggers at me. I turned to meet her glare, and the message was clear: Chase wants nothing to do with you, so what the fuck are you still doing here?

Something snapped in me. I was not going down without a fight. I might have ruined my chances with Chase, but I was not backing away without him knowing exactly how I felt about him. And if I waited for another time and place to make my love known, it might never happen.

"Do you really have to go, Jillian?"

"No, sweetie. Not yet. I changed my mind."

I was operating on autopilot when I got up and stood in that line with everyone else. I hadn't thought it all the way through, but that was fine; if I started thinking too much, I might talk myself out of it.

When it was my turn, I got up on stage and faced the audience. I could thank Hazel for my relative lack of nerves, knowing beforehand that the majority of the crowd would be invisible to me.

"I'd like to dedicate this song to love."

I paused, not sure how much to divulge. It was blatant that I hadn't planned this out. I didn't want to overly dramatize the moment, and I didn't want to make it obvious to anyone but Chase. It was his place of business, after all.

"To everyone in love, but especially to the man I love. He once showed me a beautiful rock underneath the stars. And he taught me that I can always return there if I follow the path of my heart."

It didn't matter if I wasn't making sense to anyone, as long as it made sense to Chase. I quickly scanned the lyrics in my mind, making sure they were age appropriate. I really hadn't thought this over too well.

I then proceeded to reach inside and pull out everything I had. I sang "Maybe I'm Amazed," changing every man word to woman and vice versa. The music played within me, and I followed along, bringing myself back to that night. The strum of his guitar strings. The sense of complete harmony. I got lost in that world, pouring out passion and emotion like I'd never get the chance again.

When I stopped, I had to catch my breath. I'd held nothing back, and it showed. A slight chill went through me despite the hot lights. Strange sensations crawled over as I came down from my high. I needed some fresh air.

I received applause, and that made me feel a bit silly since I was only doing it for one person. I heard murmurs and comments as I made my way back to the table, all of them positive, but I wasn't looking for an ego boost. What was I looking for? Chase to be waiting right there when I stepped off the stage?

"That was so good, Jillian!" Hazel wrapped her arms around me and hopped up and down.

"Thank you, sweetie." There was no way she had a clue about anything I just sang. "But I do need to leave now. For real this time." I did a quick peek around. "Can you say good-bye to your grandmother for me?"

"Okay." I gave her an extra hug because as much as I'd like to see her again soon, I just wasn't sure when it'd happen.

I slipped out the gym doors as unobtrusively as possible. I'd already made my scene, no need to make another one. If my song meant anything, Chase knew where to find me.

The parking lot was packed but lit well enough to find my car quickly. I was almost to my door, keys in hand when I felt a whoosh. I smiled and turned around.

"Hazel, what--"

Green eyes stopped me cold then soared me to overheated in two seconds flat. He placed his hands on both sides of my face and held me there, inches from him. My lids dropped, and I might have whimpered just a little. His first touch after a month felt even better than anticipated.

"I've missed you so badly, Chase." Even when I denied it, even when I'd refused to accept it, I was still craving him next to me.

He rested his forehead against mine. "And my life has been hell without you."

His words sent a river of pleasure through my veins. I never wanted him sad; I just wanted him happy. With me. God, I could taste his lips from here. Please, please kiss me already. "I want you back. I want us back." Please say yes.

"I will not share you with your ex-husband, Jillian."

I snapped my eyes open. "I'm not asking you to. I don't want you to share me with anyone. I don't want to share anyone with you."

He inhaled deeply. "He's in your home. I'm not okay with that."

How could his mouth be that close without devouring me? Have his body so near without crushing me? Only his hands were in contact with my skin, and they were above the neck. His face wasn't even touching mine anymore. How the fuck was he not going as crazy as me?

"Chase, he's not there anymore. I made him leave. I'm so sorry for everything you went through. He needed someplace to stay temporarily. Nothing ever happened, and he's never coming back. Please believe me." I didn't want to spend our time talking about Mike. "He's not the one I care about. You're the one. I love you, Chase."

His body pushed mine back, closing the gap between me and my car. I was sandwiched between the cool metal and his hot, hard muscles, and the heat was winning. Fuck, Chase. How was one man able to make me feel so much? I got that kiss I was aching for, and I decided right then and there that I would never come up for air. I would simply drown in it and die a happy woman.

I resisted when he saved me, when he disengaged long enough for me to take a breath. The fact that we were in a school parking lot filtered back, and I knew we couldn't push it as far as I wanted to go. Overall, his physical actions had been tame. It was my emotions that kicked everything into high gear. His hands and mouth had never felt so erotic.

"So, you love me, huh?"

"Wholeheartedly." I smiled. "And I'm guessing that excites you?"

He brushed aside a strand of my hair, sending down a pleasant chill. "Oh, you have no idea."

"Remember, there are children around."

"I'm well aware, Ms. Hudson."

I needed to make sure we were good--not just for tonight, but for as long as we could make it last. And I was hoping that would be for a long, long time.

"I'm so sorry," I said again. "You were right; I realize that now. Our age difference doesn't matter, and I love how that never bothered you. You were always so secure about us. You never faltered, and I admire your strength more than you know. I want the chance to prove to you that I can be the same way."

He stroked the side of my neck, and I closed my eyes again, taking it deep within. "I'll do anything for you, Jillian, but I won't take anymore shit. I can't go through that again."

"I don't want you to ever have to."

"And I'm going to love you whenever and wherever I'd like. I'm not going to hold back. If I want to touch you, then I'm going to damn well touch you. The world is going to know you're mine, and if you have any problems with that, I need to hear it now."

I shook my head. "No problems."

He nudged at my chin with his hand, and I raised my lids. "If you're in, I need you all in. Because I can promise you that I'll be. I'm going to love you like you've never been loved before, Jillian."

You already have. "Yes, Chase. I'm all in."

Our lips sealed the deal. This was it. We were in. He held me tightly as I burrowed my face into his neck, inhaling my fill. It'd been way too long. I peeked over his shoulder to see a figure standing near the school entrance, the light illuminating her long blonde hair.

I picked my head up slightly, just enough for her to see me smile. Then I flipped her off. Fuck gracious and mature. There were no others around. It was the perfect time to put that bitch in her place.

She stormed inside. "Chase?" Jitters bounced under my skin. "I know you told me that you weren't interested in Cassie, but did anything ever happen between you two, even for a night?" God, I'd puke right there if he hooked up with her over this past month.

He pulled back so he could look at me, an amused look on his face. "No. Never."

"Not even a kiss?"

His lips curved higher. "No."

I breathed out loudly. "Good, because as much as it pains me to admit it, her face is too pretty to claw up. Even if she does deserve every scratch mark."

He started to laugh. "You're jealous."

Fuck it. "Yes, I am." If that what's you called that gnawing feeling inside my gut, then I guess I had to own up to it.

Chase brought me back against him, still chuckling softly. "I have to go in and wrap up a few things, but then I'm taking you home." He pressed his mouth to my ear and whispered, "I'm going fucking crazy here, Wild Horses. If I don't get inside you soon...."

"God, yes. Hurry."

We faced the school together, and just then, Hazel and her grandmother exited. We met them halfway, Linda nodding and sporting the slightest smile and Hazel clapping.

"Is he your boyfriend again?"

I looked at Chase and was overcome with warmth. "Yes, sweetie, he is."

After more excited clapping, we said our good-byes to them. Chase grasped my hand in his as we prepared to walk into the school as a couple.

"Are you ready for this, Jillian?"

"With eyes wide open."

#

Whiteout conditions. Hazardous road travel. Heavy gusts of wind. We were predicted to break snowfall records before the night was over. I peeked out my blinds, taking in the foot-high white blanket covering my yard. It appeared to get thicker by the second. More inches were on their way and bringing friends.

Thank God for Wisconsin winters.

Chase wrapped his arms around my waist, tugging me back against his chest. "It looks like it'll just be the two of us tonight," I said. "I can't imagine Perry and Stephen making the drive."

He traveled a path of kisses down the side of my neck. "We could even be snowed in for a couple days. Unable to leave the house," I continued.

His lips moved over to the other side, and despite the roaring fire, I felt a chill slither down to my toes. Three months. Almost three months to the day since we got back together and every time he touched me, it reminded me all over again that I made the right decision.

"Mmm," I moaned. "Whatever will we do with all that time?"

"We could make an igloo."

I turned around and faced him. "An igloo?" I said, laughing.

"Sure. Haven't you ever done that before?"

"Well, let's see." He began working on the front of my neck, brushing down to my collarbone. "I remember lots of snow families and open-topped forts. Even a dragon once. But no, never an actual igloo."

He pulled my sweater down one shoulder and ran his tongue over the tip, eliciting more shivers. Before Chase, I would have never considered my shoulder an erogenous zone.

"If it's made right," he said, "it can get really warm inside. Enough to get naked."

His hands were feeling their way over the curve of my ass. His lips were driving me insane. "Sounds like an interesting way to spend New Year's Eve. Maybe we should practice inside first."

I couldn't think of anything better than spending the next day or two holed up in his arms. We still saw each other as often as we could, but his schedule was more hectic during the school year. It made times like these ones to cherish.

"Do you know what I want to do first?" He crouched down and lifted my sweater, giving him access to the sensitive skin across my belly. "I want your pussy on my tongue. I want to taste you until you scream for me."

"Mmhmm." My pants were already sliding over my hips.

"Then after your wetness fills my mouth, I'll give you a choice. Do you want me to fuck you hard and rough, or love you slow and soft? Or should I decide?"

"All of the above," I mumbled, and he laughed, dragging my pants down to the floor. My panties soon followed.

I stepped out of them and braced my hand on top of the couch. The other wove its way through the dark hair I loved so much. I stood in front of him with his face between my legs, hoping I didn't buckle.

The softness of his mouth contrasted with the coarseness of his jaw rubbing against my thighs. He opened me wide and consumed me with gentle bites and sharp licks, filling me with his tongue and making me tremble.

"You smell and taste so fucking good."

My breath caught when his fingers slid inside me, the tip of his tongue circling my clit before sucking it into his mouth. Chase stroked in and out slowly, penetrating deeply and hitting the spot that made me gush.

He knew precisely what to do to bring me there quickly. Sometimes he drew it out, making the pleasure unbearable and other times he took my orgasm fast and furiously. I started shaking harder. This time appeared to be the latter.

He flicked his tongue over me, controlling the pressure of his movements until he had me exactly where he wanted me. "That's it, Jillian. Come for me now. And I don't want you to stop until you're all over my fucking mouth."

That did it. I shuddered hard, and he withdrew his fingers and gripped me by the ass, holding me still as his tongue lapped over me. The fact that he loved this just as much as I did was the most incredible turn-on. He treated me like nectar, and I had never experienced that before.

I basked in the aftershocks, preparing for round two--and there would be a round two; Chase never let me stop at one--when he grabbed a blanket off the couch and wrapped it around me. "What?"

The front door flung open, and Perry stomped her boots and took a step inside. "Oh, shit. We'll just be on the porch until you're finished."

"Perry!" I quickly pulled on my pants and underwear while Chase held the blanket. Thankfully, my shirt hadn't fallen off yet. "Don't you knock anymore?"

She bumped forward as Stephen came up behind her. "What's going on? Why are you just standing there?" I heard him say from outside.

"Well, obviously I didn't know you two would be going at it right by the door."

"Fuck," Stephen said. "Do I need to go back to my car?"

"No, I think they're good. You're not naked anymore, right, Jills?"

I heard my brother groan. "Dammit, Perry, just come inside. Both of you. It's freezing out there."

They shook off the snow and came in, peeling off their wet coats. Perry tossed her hat down on the mat. "Aww... Remember when we were like this, honey?" she said to Stephen. "Now we're down to twice a day like an old married couple."

I shook my head and rolled my eyes as Chase smiled. He pulled me next to him and kissed my forehead. "We should be so lucky," he whispered.

Wait, what? Lucky how? My mind started whirling. Twice a day or old married couple? We already did it that often when we saw each other, so did he want to see me more or....

Stephen handed me a paper bag, snapping me out of it. I peered inside. "We brought plenty of champagne," Perry said.

I hauled out a bottle, then put it back in the bag. "We have plenty of beer too."

"I'll take one of those," Stephen said.

"No, you guys. You can't drink regular ole beer on New Year's Eve. You have to drink champagne. Chase?"

He shrugged. I knew he could tolerate this shit about as well as me. "Perry, this is more like extra-fizzy soda. It's not even dry champagne," I said.

"Of course not. Champagne without sugar is nasty. It tastes like nail polish remover."

I walked into the kitchen with the bottles, and Perry followed me. "How'd you two get here anyway? There's no way you could make it into my driveway, much less the side streets. I haven't seen a plow come through in hours."

"Stephen's truck can get through anything." She hopped onto the counter while I unloaded the six bottles. "So, what should we do tonight? The guys will probably try to watch football. Wait, the Badgers aren't playing, right?"

I smiled. "No, Perry." My hand had just made contact with the fridge door handle when the room went black.

"Ha! Now they can't watch TV anyway, and you can't get your beer. We have to drink my champagne."

"Let's just get some candles going first. Don't forget I have plenty of vodka too."

She sighed and jumped to the floor, almost flattening me to the ground. "Sorry, it's dark, you know." We both left the kitchen, rounding the corner to the living room where there was enough light from the fireplace. Chase was pulling a lighter out of the table drawer, several candles sitting out and ready to go.

I kissed him. "Thank you." It was a weird thrill, feeling pleased that he knew where everything was located.

I lit the candles and brought a couple back with me to the kitchen. I had no idea how long the power outage would last, but Perry was right. I couldn't open my fridge unless I wanted everything to spoil inside. The last time this happened, it'd been out for fifteen hours.

I opened a bottle of her stuff and figured I might as well try it to make her happy. I poured some into a glass and took a sip. Yeah, no. She'd already made me suffer enough when we went to that bridal show a couple weeks ago. I swear she only went for the desserts. But you know what? I still loved every minute of it with her.

As soon as Perry bounded into the room, I handed her the glass, and she frowned. "Tell you what," I said, reaching into the cupboard and taking out my Grey Goose. Loved the stuff, but drank it sparingly. "We'll compromise and try mixing it." That didn't sound appealing either, but I could handle a splash of sweet.

"I don't know how you can drink that," she said, scrunching up her nose.

"I like the hard stuff, remember? Isn't that what you told Chase the first night we met?"

"Oops... Did I really do that?" We both started laughing. Wow, that'd been over six months ago. I couldn't believe how much had changed since then. "And it's been good, Jills, hasn't it?" I nodded. Yes, it has. "What'd I tell you all along? He's the one."

I smiled softly and took a sip from my glass. Was he? It sure felt like it. He certainly fit right into our family. Stephen was even coming around, and my mom adored the hell out of him. I was happy. Really, really happy.

Now all that was left was for Daniel to meet him.

"I know, let's play a board game tonight," I said. I prepared a couple more drinks, figuring they'd appreciate the way I made them versus Perry.

"No, not Bunked." She groaned. "Haven't you guys used up every question by now?"

"Nope, you lucked out." I took a candle. "Can you grab some chips from the pantry while I go get the game? It's going to have to be a munchies night." I maneuvered down the hall, chuckling at all the little pouty noises she was making.

I went into the bedroom and hauled down the game from the top shelf of my closet. Chase had brought over a new one in November to commemorate both our birthdays. We shared the same month, two weeks apart. I was now one year closer to forty, and he'd technically moved into his mid-twenties.

But during those two weeks apart, I got older, and he stayed the same. For fourteen days, it could have been said that I was not fifteen, but sixteen years older than him. We'd celebrated in the middle of it by going to Zydecki's. We ate as hot as we could stand and danced until we couldn't. And when I made it through November without a panic attack... that's when I knew everything would really be okay.

When I returned to the living room, they were all hanging out together. I smiled wide and plunked the box onto the table, pushing aside all the food bags. "Just so you know"--I pointed at Perry and Stephen--"you two are staying over tonight. Do not even think about trying to drive home."

Perry nodded and raised her glass. "We'll ring in the new year together."

Chase opened his arms for me, and I curled into them. "Will you be on my team?" I asked.

"Always."

I leaned over and set up the game. We probably would run out of questions soon, and then what? I wondered if there was another version. I divided up the cards into different stacks and took out the timer. I no longer missed the original; the new one had accumulated even better memories.

We actually got a few rounds of the game in before things careened off track. Considering we were all a bit tipsy, that was longer than I expected.

"The blue whale is the loudest animal on the planet," I read.

"I'm going with fact," Perry said. "At least for the females, since the males have the biggest boners on Earth."

"What?"

Perry picked up a card. "A banana slug has the same penis length as an average human."

I snatched the card away. "That is not one of the questions."

"We watched a special the other day on animal schlongs. I'm just sharing my knowledge."

"No, you watched it, Perry," Stephen said, stuffing a handful of chips in his mouth.

"Oh, you're just jealous of barnacles."

I went over to throw more logs in the fire. The mood was completely different in a house with no electricity. Or maybe it was all the champagne bubbles in our brain, especially Perry's.

"Fact," Chase said. "To the banana slug question."

"Correct!" Perry clapped.

I turned my head and laughed. "How would you even know that?"

He shook his head. "I have no idea."

"So you probably also know about that one duck--"

"I think we've talked enough about animal dick, Perry," Stephen said. "And just what do they consider an average human?"

"Well, less than a barnacle, that's for sure."

I giggled as I snuggled back up to Chase. "And to think, we could've missed all this and had the night to ourselves," I whispered.

He squeezed me tightly. "There'll be many more nights for us, love." He broke the hold and stood up. "Stay right there. I want to give you something before it turns a new year."

I cocked my head, watching him stick his hand into his coat pocket. Perry and Stephen were still going on about some wacky thing, but they stopped dead when he walked over with a box.

What the...? My heart started hammering. Okay, it wasn't the right size. It was longer and flatter than a ring box. I wasn't a big jewelry person, so I doubted he'd get me something else. Breathe in. Breathe out. Not that he couldn't be sneaky and use a bracelet box because a ring would definitely fit in there. But why would he do something foolish like that? So, settle the fuck down, Jillian.

Chase bent down, but not on one knee. More like two. Then he sat back, so that was good, right? He handed it to me and impulses were firing off everywhere. The box was fuzzy. Was that good or bad? My head was fuzzy. I knew that was bad. Okay. More deep breaths. If it was a ring, I could handle it. It was too soon, but I also loved him more than yesterday. And what was that saying? I loved him less than tomorrow. Yeah, that was it.

I definitely loved him enough to handle whatever happened.

I pried open the top slowly, knowing Perry's eyes were bugging out on me big time. All I saw was white. I popped it open further, my heart leaping around the room. It was... an index card?

Huh? I paused for a moment, feeling... something. Then I took it out and flipped it over. There was writing on the other side: Third cup lime juice, half cup olive oil, Lunacy Sauce--

My face broke into the biggest smile. "This is it? The whole thing?" Chase nodded. "You finally gave it up?"

"Only for you."

I thrust my arms around his neck and kissed him. "I love you."

I noticed Perry staring at me with a scrunched-up face. My brother was eased back looking through game cards. Maybe he thought it was something kinky and didn't want to know.

"It's a fajita recipe," I said.

"Uh... yeah." Perry seized the cards from Stephen. "Stop looking at the answers."

"I really wanted it," I told her.

"Okay?"

I jumped up, waving the card. "I have to go put this in a safe place."

I took a candle and went into the kitchen, Perry right behind me. "So, what's up?" she said.

"Didn't I just tell you half a second ago?"

She pulled me into the hall that connected the kitchen and my office. "I saw your face, Jills. It only lasted a sec, but I know what I saw."

"What are you talking about?"

"That moment between thinking it could be a ring and accepting it wasn't."

"You saw the box. It wasn't the right shape." I went into my office and put the recipe into the desk drawer.

"That's not the point here."

I sighed, leaning back on my desk. I wasn't sure what she wanted me to say. I loved him, but it was too soon to make eternal promises. At least that's what my head was telling me. My heart wanted it all. And my passion wanted it forever.

"It's okay to feel confused, Jills. Sometimes you don't know what you want until you don't have it." She took my hand. "Let's go. It's almost midnight."

We returned to Chase and Stephen. Perry joined my brother on the couch, and I curled into Chase near the fireplace.

"Now everyone has to make a wish exactly when the clock strikes twelve," Perry said. "But it has to be exact. That's the only way it'll come true."

"You're not superstitious," I said.

"It's not superstition. It's fact."

"What's your wish?" Chase whispered to me.

"I wish..." I didn't know. I wish you wouldn't have given me the recipe because that might mean you won't always be there to make it for me? That sounded silly.

He grabbed hold of my hand and pulled me up. "Come with me."

Chase brought me into my office and closed the door. He placed a single candle on the desk, throwing shadows everywhere. I stood in front of the large window, watching the biggest pillow fight ever taking place in my front yard. Puffs of white mixed with sparkles, fragile but fierce. It was almost too beautiful to watch.

He came behind me and wrapped me tight, his jaw resting in the crook of my neck. "Thank you for the recipe." I smiled. "I was about to give up asking."

"That belonged to this year. I want new things to belong to the next."

Chase held me as we watched the snowflakes fall. Stealing away a private moment together when the calendar changed. It was right where I wanted to be at the right time.

Exactly at midnight, we both said, "I love you." Forever.

It was the perfect wish.

#

I wanted to fuck her from the first moment I saw her.

After the first night, I wanted her to be mine.

When you know, you know.

Following my passion is an absolute, and pursuing Jillian was no exception. I knew getting her wouldn't be easy, but nothing worth it ever is.

If I had pushed too hard, I would have lost her. Not hard enough and she would have slipped through my fingers.

But I have her now, and I'm not letting go. My energy is limitless to keep her, and I'll do whatever it takes.

Jillian is my lyrics, masterfully written. She is my music, harmonically rich. She gets me. My heart. My drives. My desires. It makes no difference to her if I'm playing on stage or in a classroom, and that means everything to me.

She means everything to me.

Never once has her age been an issue for me. I meant it when I told her how beautiful she is, exactly how she is. Fuck the age difference--it means nothing. She is all that I need.

Sexy is sexy, and she's got it heart, soul, and body.

And her voice? Fuck. Lush and intoxicating, I could listen to her forever. Her melody, her words, her moans when my tongue glides over her sweet pussy.... That is a song that only gets better with repeated play.

I want what I want, and that is the woman in my arms.

Her son, Daniel, is coming home sooner than expected. Permanently. He skipped the holiday visit to stay in Italy for an extra session so he can graduate early with a business degree. He knows of me but not about me. Am I worried? Fuck, yeah. He is the only man who could ever come between us. The only one who has her heart as much as I do.

He has the ability to take Jillian away from me, but I have to trust that will never happen. I grasp her tighter, hold her with everything I've got as we watch the snow fall. We've come this far. We'll make it all the way. There'll be many more New Years spent together.

When she put herself out there and sang for me that night, it didn't just turn me on hard. It also showed that she was finally ready to give us a real chance. And now three months later, she's done nothing but prove her love for me, her belief in our relationship.

I return the same devotion and love. I want her to be my wife. Intensely. Passionately.

I already have the ring. An amethyst stone in soft purple--her favorite color. Ready and waiting. I would never put her in the position of introducing me to her son for the first time as her fiancé. The timing is instrumental. But when that right time does come, I know in my gut she'll accept.

I saw her face when she realized my gift was not a proposal. It was only a quick flash, but it was there. Disappointment. I never want to see that look again.

My wish at midnight? Jillian Nolan.

So when the moment arrives for me to make her mine forever, it will be perfect. The location doesn't matter, as long as it's just the two of us. It could be on a hill, in the sand, on a rock underneath the stars.

It's the love that we have for each other that makes it perfect.

Don't miss the sexy sequel to _Legal_ - available now!

Jillian thought her problems were over once she accepted the fifteen-year age difference with love-of-her-life Chase. When her son, Daniel, comes home from college, little did she know they were only beginning.

_Lyrical_

Continue on to read the first chapter!

#

#

I snatched the heart-shaped box out of Perry's lap, earning me a stuck-out tongue.

"Pay attention," I said. Bridal books and magazines were circled all around me. "I'm taking this more seriously than you."

She grabbed her chocolates back, giving me a look that'd put a toddler to shame, and popped one in her mouth with the wrapper still on.

"Ugh," she garbled, pulling the black paper through her lips.

"Serves you right."

I slid a heavy book across the floor and it smacked into her knees. I was sitting cross-legged on my living room floor, cold oak hardwood under me, and the least she could do was try to pretend she was interested.

Perry sighed and picked up the hardback, rifling through it. "Seriously, Jills?" She flipped the book around, showing me an inside page of a woman wearing a bridal safari hat. "This is what you want me to wear?"

"No, what I want is to know what your damn problem is."

My voice rose higher than intended, and from an outsider peeking in, it'd appear like I was the bridezilla, and she was the maid of honor trying to calm me down before I breathed enough fire to incinerate the place.

She shrugged. "I don't know. I guess I'm just not that into it right now."

"You don't have the luxury not to be into it, Perry. This wedding is less than four months away, and it's going to happen whether you're ready or not." I stuck my finger towards her face. "And I suggest you get ready. Got it?"

I took a deep breath. I needed to take a step back and chill something other than my ass. I definitely _was_ taking all this more seriously. Maybe too seriously, but really? The only thing we'd managed to accomplish so far was narrow down a dress and scarcely avoid getting kicked out of another bakery. There was only so much cake they'd allow you to sample, claiming to be undecided.

Something was up, and she wasn't divulging. I picked up a magazine, paging through. I'd taken time off work to get these details nailed down, not to watch her scarf on two-week-old Valentine's Day candy while I lost my shit.

"What do you think about this for a bouquet?" I flashed her one of the glossy inserts. "Gorgeous, don't you think?"

She glanced up to see me holding an advertisement for allergy meds, featuring a large bundle of ragweed.

"Yeah, that'd be fine."

She said it with a straight face, and I refrained from throwing it at her head. She was finally getting married to my brother after six-and-a-half years--the frickin' love of her life--and it should be a monumental occasion for more than just one person in this room.

"Dammit, Perry." I stood up, crossing my arms and towering over her. "You'd better start talking right now or--"

I had to sit back down; I felt a bit faint. Oh my God. What if she was having second thoughts? Was the impossible actually possible? What if she'd fallen out of love and it'd happened without me realizing it? Holy fuck. They were my favorite 'together forever, happily-ever-after' couple. Well, one of them, but--

"Ow!" I rubbed between my brows, noticing the culprit that had homed in right on my monster-sized line. I picked up the nut-spiked chocolate ball. Man, those things were sharp. It was like a little mace weapon. "What the hell?"

"Sorry, Jills. Had to do it. I saw that look on your face, and I knew exactly what you were thinking. And shame on you. How could you? You're supposed to be my best friend."

I scooted over and put my hand on her leg. "God, I'm sorry, Perry. But you really are acting weird here. Have been for weeks and you're not filling me in, which is so unlike you."

"That's because I don't know myself, but I swear it's nothing bad. Honest. I still can't imagine anything other than being with Stephen forever, and I still can't wait to get married, but... I don't know. Maybe I'm just getting bored with it all?"

"Bored?" My mouth dropped. "I thought this was supposed to be your dream wedding with your dream guy. _Bored?_ "

"Maybe that was the wrong word. Overwhelmed?"

"Overwhelmed? I've been doing everything. Making phone calls, researching venues, dropping everything at a moment's notice to go on your emergency cake-testing missions."

"Hmm... okay, maybe overwhelmed isn't quite right either. But isn't it your maid-of-honorly duty to do whatever I want so I can rest up and look pretty for my big day?"

She gave me a sweet smile, and I gave her back a look that showed exactly what I thought about that. She parted with her sugar, setting the box aside and giving me a hug.

"I'm sorry, Jills. I'll start getting more into it. I swear."

"But shouldn't it come automatically? Not something you have to force."

"I know. I'm just in some pre-bridal slump or some crap like that. I'm sure it'll pass soon. But I swear on our undying friendship that it has nothing to do with your brother." She pulled back and narrowed her eyes at me. "And what the fuck? How could you even think such a thing? You know how much I love him, and for you of all people to even think I have cold feet..."

I opened my mouth. Yeah, she was right, but in my defense, she had not been acting like herself. Still, I didn't mean to offend her.

"...but I do have a freezing ass. What the fuck, Jills? Is your heater broken now too? I know you've cut down your hours since Mr. Hard arrived on the scene, but I'm sure you still make boatloads. Certainly enough to fix the damn thing."

I shook my head, smiling. She'd already forgiven me. "It's not broken, and you should be fine. You're sitting on two blankets." And she was covered in two more.

"And my ass is still blue. Could you please just check? I think I'm starting to see my breath. Although, if it _is_ busted, good luck getting your pigheaded self to fix it. You seem to have a stubborn streak when it comes to major household appliances."

I rolled my eyes, laughing, and went over to the thermostat. It was fine. Sixty-two degrees. I liked it cooler in winter. It made for better sleeping, especially when a certain body was pressed against me all night. Any hotter and I was liable to combust.

"Nope, nothing's broken," I said, digging through the basket on the floor of my hall closet. I hauled out another blanket and tossed it to her. "And as far as I know, my a/c is still working perfectly too. Would you like me to check?"

"You're hilarious."

"If you're that cold, I could start a fire. I'll just have to run out to the shed and collect some wood and--"

"No, I'll suffer." She stood up, draping the heaviest blanket around her shoulders. "But I'm not going to do it without hot chocolate. When I come back, we'll talk wedding shit. Promise."

"Okay." I picked up the nut ball. "Here, you probably want this back."

She stuck out her tongue. "Blech. What's the purpose of ruining chocolate like that? If I want nuts in my mouth, I'll--"

"Go make your drink," I said, interrupting her before she could finish her favorite pastime of reminding me how active a sex life my brother enjoyed. "And throw this away if you're not going to eat it."

She caught my toss. "Try the truffles, Jills. It'll give you an orgasm. I had three just sitting here."

"I already get plenty. And I get to keep my stable blood sugar levels."

"Suit yourself. More for me."

Perry scrounged up all the crinkled candy wrappers to add to the garbage and headed to the kitchen. I slid over and pushed the lid down on the pink and red jumbo box, puffing up a squeal of air. I was impressed. It was the last day of February, and she still had some pieces left.

"How'd you ever manage to keep yourself from finishing the box yet?" I yelled to her.

She stuck her head around the corner. "Because it's my second one."

I smiled; Stephen knew her so well. Her perfect Valentine's Day gift was a double order of anything sweet, hold the flowers. She was the only one I knew who'd be able to pound down so much crap and show up at the altar looking like she'd just spent three weeks at a rejuvenation clinic.

My cell dinged and I glanced over at the table, the text lighting up the screen and warming me more than any hot drink.

**_Taking Hazel ice skating tonight. You in?_**

I caught sight of the igloo taking up residence outside my back window, and my face brightened further. Chase and I built it during our most recent snowstorm the previous weekend. He got a chance to prove his point that yes, you really can build one warm enough to get naked inside if you get creative with your body heat.

I shifted around, straightening and then crossing my legs again. Would I always feel like a horned-up teenager when I thought of him? God, I hoped so.

"Let me guess," Perry said, coming back with one of my mugs that could double as a soup bowl. It was piled high with whipped cream. I kept a family-sized can in the fridge at all times just for her. "There's only one person who could make you look so dumb."

"Thanks."

"I meant that in a good way." She slurped up a mouthful of cream, plopping back down on the floor.

"You can sit on the couch, you know. I'm just down here because it's easier for me to spread out everything and keep track of it."

"No, I'm better now."

My phone dinged again, spurring on more goofiness inside.

**_I love you._**

"Is he telling you about all the freaky stuff he wants to do to you tonight?"

I looked up. "What? No. He's asking about going ice skating with Hazel."

I shot off a quick reply: **_I'm in. Can't wait. Love you too._**

"It's fine for her to be doing that stuff with her globamacallits?"

"It's glomerulonephritis, and she's doing great. It hasn't progressed." That little girl we'd practically adopted made me walk on sunshine. There could be no option where she wasn't doing great. I wouldn't be able to handle it.

"You're really happy, Jills. I love seeing you like this."

"Yeah, me too." I placed my phone back on the table. Nowadays, I was walking around with a heart the size of Perry's box of orgasms.

"And fuck, I can't believe we're going to be official sisters soon."

"Fuck is right, so let's get this wedding planned, okay?" I slapped a _Modern Bride_ mag on the floor. We were so behind schedule it was laughable. If it weren't so nerve-racking. With the icy winds and the poor little trees that looked like they'd snap under all the heavy snow, it was easy for Perry to be in denial about how quickly the day was creeping up on us. "Now, about that officiant. Did Stephen ever--"

_Ding_.

That time when I glanced over, my lips curved high for a different reason.

"Chase again?"

I looked at Perry, feeling like my heart had just grown another fifty sizes.

"No. Daniel's coming home."

Continue reading _Lyrical_

#

Each book I write fills me with a different reaction. Some I pour so much heartfelt energy into, and as satisfying as that is, I can't help but come out of it a bit drained. Others are easygoing and breezy, making me feel like I can instantly jump into something new without a break. But Legal? From beginning to end, it was hands down the most fun I ever had crafting a story, and I hope you enjoyed reading it as much as I loved writing it.

It's hard to imagine now, but I never planned to write this book. I already have an overabundance of ideas crammed inside my head, and an older woman/younger man story was not one of them. But a couple months ago while in the middle of my latest project, inspiration struck hard. It came barreling at me out of nowhere, and I had to drop everything. I knew the title before I'd put down a single line, but once I started, the words flowed quickly. And before I knew it, I'd completed my longest novel to date. Pretty unexpected for something I'd had no intentions of doing just weeks before.

But I'm so glad I did. I had an absolute blast, and it was exactly what I needed. I fell head over heels for the characters, did a few face plants, and had an amazing time bringing Jillian and Chase to their happy ending. Perry was pretty damn entertaining to create too ;-)

Legal is my first book set in Milwaukee, Wisconsin--a city I love to death. Because I wanted to involve music in the storyline, I knew it had to take place in the summer. Anyone who's a music lover needs to be here in late June/early July to experience Summerfest at least once in their lifetime. For those who aren't familiar, it's an enormous outdoor music festival that lasts for eleven days. Huge names play right alongside local and indie acts, and if you're ever in the area this time of year, check it out! And no, I'm not affiliated with them--just passing on a good time!

To my readers, I'm so incredibly grateful for all the positive feedback and emails. Please, keep them coming! I read every single one; they are the daily fuel to my creative fire, and they motivate me more than you could possibly know.

If you'd like, you can sign up for my (occasional) newsletter. I send it out for new releases, along with running random contests and giveaways.

Also, feel free to friend or follow me on Facebook or Goodreads. If you have any questions, comments, or just want to say hi, I'm available at breedahliaauthor@gmail.com. I'd love to hear from you!

If you liked Legal, I'd truly appreciate a review--it'd mean so much to me. Thank you!

As always, thanks for reading,

Bree

#

Bree Dahlia is an unconventional romance junkie. She loves reading it but adores writing it even more. Her stories range from lighthearted to sizzling with that satisfying Happily Ever After ending and a touch of the unexpected. She favors themes of friendship, forgiveness, and unconditional love with alpha characters and eccentric tastes.

She holds degrees that she does nothing with and has experienced a long string of jobs that have left her unfulfilled. Only as an author, has she truly found her passion. When not crafting stories in her small Wisconsin town, she hikes unbeaten trails, watches hockey games, and wishes she didn't detest cooking so much.

Dahlia is her middle name. Her last name is more suitable for a horror writer.

www.breedahlia.com
Copyright © 2016 by Bree Dahlia

All rights reserved.

This is a work of fiction. Names, places, businesses, characters, and incidents are either the product of the author's imagination or are used in a fictious manner. Any resemblance to actual persons living or dead, actual events, or locales is purely coincidental.

No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any electronic or mechanical means, including information storage and retrieval systems, except for the use of brief quotations in critical articles or reviews, without the written permission of the author.

Edited by Hot Tree Editing

Cover Design by Dar Albert at Wicked Smart Designs

Interior design and formatting by:

www.emtippettsbookdesigns.com
