

### Larva High School  
Part 1

### Sensitivity & Strength

by Stine Falkenberg Schmidt & Mia Schmeltzer Beck

~~~

Smashwords Edition

Copyright © 2013

by Stine Falkenberg Schmidt & Mia Schmeltzer Beck

All rights reserved.

No part of this book may be reproduced in any form without written permission from the authors, excepting brief quotations embodied in articles and reviews.

The characters and events portrayed in this book are fictitious. Any similarity to real persons is coincidental and not intended by the authors.

Recommended for readers 13 and above.

Layout and Graphic Design: www.masadesign.dk

Editing: www.precisionediting.com and www.martinohearn.com/

Smashwords Edition, License Notes

This ebook is licensed for your personal enjoyment only. This ebook may not be re-sold or given away to other people. If you would like to share this book with another person, please purchase an additional copy for each recipient. If you're reading this book and did not purchase it, or it was not purchased for your use only, then please return to Smashwords.com and purchase your own copy. Thank you for respecting the hard work of this author.

# Table of Contents

1 Expectations and fears

2 First day of school

3 Being a rock star

4 Family feud

5 Horrible thoughts

6 Movie night

7 The new girl

8 Unwanted love

9 The piano lesson

10 Hiding

11 The fight

12 Amber's despair

13 Moving on

14 How can I help?

15 New life

16 Finding friends

17 The concert

18 Summer vacation

19 Amber's summer

20 Coming home

21 Anxiety and pressure

22 First day of school

23 Making a difference

24 Dilemmas and slammed doors

25 Growth and contribution

26 Selling cakes

27 Nightmares

28 A first time for everything

29 The concert

30 Free falling

31 The talk

32 Christmas

Sneak Peek - Larva High School 2

About The Authors

A Note From Mia & Stine:

#  CHAPTER 1  
Expectations and fears

"Let's make a pact." Sara challenged, looking at Benjamin with determination.

"What kind of pact?" Benjamin replied with hesitation in his voice. He had known Sara since kindergarten, and for almost four years now, he had enjoyed the privilege of calling himself her boyfriend. Sara was pretty, with big brown eyes and the most beautiful light-brown skin, and Benjamin loved the smell of her long hair. Having Indian parents, Sara had seen her share of Bollywood movies, and once in a while, Benjamin had watched a film with her. To him it was obvious; Sara was as beautiful as any of the Bollywood stars in those movies, but she would hear nothing of it. Sara's real name was Sarada, but everyone just called her Sara. She was his best friend and the smartest girl he knew. For Sara, school seemed effortless. Since the first grade, she had been part of the program for gifted children. He envied her for that, as to him homework was a drag, and getting a B was an accomplishment. Sara had only gotten one B in her whole life – in music. He had tried to cheer her up afterwards, but he'd found that the best strategy was to never mention it again.

"A pact of always sticking together, no matter what,." Sara continued, while she stood up and faced him sitting on the park bench. The park was lush with big trees, and the grass was soft and green. On clear days, it offered a panoramic view of Mount Rainier in the south and Seattle in the west.

"Summer break is almost over, and next week we will be high school students. I want you to promise me that nothing will change between us. We'll always be best friends."

"I thought we were more than friends," Benjamin pouted.

"You know what I mean, Ben. I want one part of my world to stay the same, don't you?" Sara tilted her head in that charming way that he could never resist.

"Sure, we can make a pact," Ben agreed. "It's not like I'm going to want to have another girlfriend anyway."

"Great." Gripping his hands firmly, Sara announced, "Forever!"

"Forever!" He repeated with a gentle smile.

For a moment there was silence between them. They both felt it. The fear of the unknown and the transition to high school made them nervous.

Ben was desperately trying to think of something funny to say. Something that would lift Sara's spirit. It was his specialty but right now only lame jokes popped into his mind.

"It's going to be the best years of our lives," Benjamin tried. Sara smiled at him. She could see right through his attempt to lift her mood and knew that it was more a hope than a fact. She knew Benjamin well enough to understand his concern. He was so smart and talented; he could always come up with jokes, and he would make her laugh for no good reason just by goofing around. Whenever she felt unhappy, she wanted to hang out with him. He was her happy pill.

But school was tough for him. He got bored so easily. It made her wonder why it was so hard for him to focus on the curriculum, when he so easily picked up on strange details about things like foreign politics and historic events that Sara had no concept of. "That's common knowledge," he'd always joke but it wasn't, at least not to her. She wished he would pay attention in class and use his excellent memory, but it only seemed to work on famous quotes, which had become something of an obsession to him. Sometimes it drove her crazy how he would use them to make his points in an argument. How do you compete with wise words from presidents and spiritual teachers?

The best thing about him, though, was his boyish charm and the way his eyes sparkled every time he was up to no good or just having fun. Ben's mother was Native American, and he had inherited a few of her beautiful features – the thick brown hair, the dark eyes, the glow in his skin – but mostly, he was like his father, who was a handsome guy from Canada with blue eyes and a great sense of humor. Benjamin would joke with Sara's parents that he fit well into their family. "Native Americans are Indian, too!" he would say. By now, Sara's mother had fallen for Ben's charms, and her father enjoyed his visits as well. Sara knew Ben was as nervous about starting high school as she was, and she feared he had good reason to be. According to rumors, the older boys could be pretty hard on freshmen, and he seemed like an easy target with his fresh attitude and big mouth.

"You're right," Sara smiled. "It will be the best years of our lives."

#  CHAPTER 2  
First day of school

Walking down the hall of Larva High School, Sara felt both excited and intimidated – so many new faces and details to imprint. The school had been prized for its architecture in the eighties, but decades of student-initiated wear and tear had left it with scratched furniture, dented lockers, and walls covered in names and words in many colors and styles of handwriting. In that morning's commencement speech, the principal explained that the name Larva was meant to evoke the transformation that each student underwent as he or she entered high school as a teenager and graduated as a young adult. "When you leave Larva High School after your senior year," she had said with a smile, "You will be much like a butterfly, ready to fly into the world and make a change."

In her first class, Sara was relieved to see Victoria, a friend Sara knew from dance lessons a few years back. Victoria was cool, always friendly and nice to everyone. Even though she didn't know Victoria too well, she was relieved to see a familiar face. She sent Victoria a big smile and was happy when Victoria smiled and waved back. Sara felt relieved: this was a good day.

After class, Sara was happy to find Benjamin in the hallway. "We're still meeting for lunch, right?" he said as he passed her.

"I'll be there," she said and went on to find her next classroom. After a short search, she realized that she couldn't find her room and started to feel uneasy. "104," she whispered, going back and forth. She could find 103 and 106, but for some reason, 104 and 105 were not there. As the hallways grew emptier, panic started to spread in her body. _I can do this, I am not going to be late on my first day,_ she chanted internally and looked around in frustration. With irritation she turned her schedule over and over in her hands and looked to both sides of the hallway. _Room 104 – it says so right here, where is that stupid room?_

"Are you lost?" The voice came from behind and made Sara turn to face a guy smiling politely at her.

"No. I mean yes. I guess so." She tried to look calm and collected but felt confused and stupid.

He smiled and took her schedule. "Ah, yes, room 104. Come with me."

Sara watched him walk off and hurried after him. "Thank you, but then you will be late, too!"

"I'll be fine, don't worry," he answered without turning his head. As he led her down the corridors to her classroom she couldn't help thinking that there was something familiar about him. She was sure she had seen him before, but she couldn't recall where.

"Here you are," he said and pointed to the door with a wry smile.

"Thank you," Sara cried out as he walked away. He just put a hand up to acknowledge that he heard her, but didn't turn around.

* * * * *

"So how was your morning?" Ben asked her, as they sat down for lunch.

The cafeteria was much like the rest of the school, old and outdated. The room was huge and had high ceilings and big windows. The constant bustle and noise of students talking and of trays clattering filled the space. The heavy smell of fast food and lunch bags was hanging in the air.

"I can't believe it's lunch already. It has been crazy so far, and the worst part – I got lost just after meeting you in the hallway." Sara talked quickly.

"I know, this place is huge," Ben agreed.

"Yeah, but there was a guy who helped me find my class. He looked kind of familiar." Sara squinted her eyes, trying to remember where she had seen him before. "He must have been a junior or senior, definitely not a freshman. Oh, there he is." Sara pointed to the lunch line, where she had just recognized him.

"That's Joshua Johnson!" Benjamin looked surprised at Sara.

"Do you know him?" Sara frowned.

"Everybody knows Josh. Lead singer in TUA! Remember when I tried to get you to go with me to that concert, and your parents wouldn't let you?"

Sara nodded towards Joshua. "I remember now. I have seen pictures of him... ha, what do you know, a celebrity at our school." She chuckled

"Yeah, he's an amazing singer and guitarist."

"Really?" Sara observed Joshua from a distance as he was filling his tray. She wondered how old he was. _Probably somewhere around 17 or 18_. He did have a cool rock-star attitude about him with his hair and outfit, and he was definitely attractive with his intense green eyes and his brownish curly hair that looked so casual but probably took a long time to style that way.

"You need to come to their concert. They are actually really good, Sara – you will like TUA," Benjamin insisted as Sara was trying to determine how to categorize Josh. She settled for mysterious. When Josh walked by her and Benjamin, she smiled at him and felt disappointed when he didn't seem to notice her at all.

#  CHAPTER 3  
Being a rock star

"You're late." Mrs. Duncan looked irritated when Joshua entered her classroom.

"I apologize, but I had to help a freshman who was lost."

"What a noble thing to do." Mrs. Duncan looked like she couldn't care less. "Find a place to sit."

Class was boring and Joshua found it hard to focus. The helpless freshman girl entered his mind. He remembered how nervous he had been when he first started high school, and was pleased with himself for taking the time to help her. As a junior, high school was in his comfort zone. Joshua knew the teachers, he knew what was expected of him, and he was popular with plenty of friends. He was painfully aware that to outsiders, it seemed like he had the perfect life. Only he didn't! His parents wanted him to do well in school, and they didn't approve of his plans to become a musician. "Playing the guitar is a nice hobby, but you need an academic degree to make a living," his father always lectured in that same dull, serious voice.

His mom was a lawyer and his father a judge. Neither of them could play a musical instrument, so it seemed like a mystery that he was so talented at the guitar. For Joshua, playing instruments was easy, and he had taught himself to play the piano as a kid. His parents used to complain about the noise, but he loved the tones and felt at peace when he could express his feelings through the music. At last his parents had agreed to pay for piano lessons. He would play and play until his fingers were sore, but for the last five years, he had devoted himself to the guitar.

Being a part of The Underground Amateurs, also known as TUA, was the best thing that had ever happened to Joshua. His friends in the band, Kevin, Jack, and Dylan, shared his obsession with music, and together they had spent the last two years creating a world of music, concerts, followers, and fans. Dylan's father owned the Old Train Station, an event venue on the east side of Seattle, where they all lived. When the railroad company had built new and more modern facilities the old train station had been closed down, but Dylan's father had noticed the appeal of the rustic building and had saved it from demolition. Now, local bands as well as more prominent groups rented it out for all kinds of events. It was a happy place.

It had taken a long time, but finally Dylan's dad had agreed to let the band perform at an informal open house event for his potential customers. The response had been fantastic, and for the last six months, he had booked TUA regularly to open for other bands. At their last concert, it was finally clear to everyone that the main attraction of the night had been TUA, not the band that followed them. After that concert, Dylan's dad promised them a chance to play a concert of their own.

The band was the one place where Joshua felt like a success. His teachers in school, however, were not so impressed. They shared his parent's beliefs and wanted him to focus more on school. Writing long essays or doing complicated math was mind-numbingly boring, and his mind escaped at every opportunity. When he came home to his brilliant parents, who had flown through school as straight-A students, he didn't find a lot of understanding from their side. Sometimes he wished he could swap his musical talent for academic brilliance. Then his parents and teachers would be proud and supportive and he would fit in. But every time he hit the stage and saw the sea of faces looking up and enjoying his playing, he knew his calling. He was a musician!

As always, today Joshua met up with the other band members to practice at Jack's place after school. Jack's parents let them use their basement to practice. The only downside was Jack's younger sister Laura. Joshua hated seeing their rivalry, and he had to admit that even though Jack was his friend, he didn't approve of the way Jack treated his sister. Sure, Laura could be a pain sometimes, but Jack overreacted and would often get physical, hitting or kicking her when she didn't obey his orders. A few months back, Laura had come down to see them practice, and after five minutes, Jack asked her to go away. She wasn't quick enough, so he threw a water bottle after her and shouted, "If you don't want me to beat you up, get your fat butt out of here!" Joshua didn't really want to interfere, but it just felt wrong to him. He had tried to tell Jack to ease up a bit, but it didn't help much. Laura was a freshman now. Joshua didn't know her very well, but he always hoped she wasn't home when he came over to practice, just because the fighting between Laura and Jack was hard to watch.

"Let's take a break," Joshua shouted after going over their set. "It sounds good. I think we're ready for the concert!"

Jack threw a Joshua a water bottle and sat down grinning. "So, did anyone see any hot freshmen today?"

Dylan rambled about a pair of twin sisters he had his eyes on.

"You are such a pervert, Dylan, and I saw you ogling them." Kevin teased.

"I'm not, I just love the first day of school with all the young and innocent girls starting..." Dylan defended himself.

Jack jumped in. "I don't know, is it just me, or do they look younger than we did when we started high school?"

"I think it's just you, Jack," Kevin replied with a smirk. Jack was notorious for getting girls. His bad-boy attitude and good looks, combined with his position as the drummer in TUA, attracted the girls to him, and each month he seemed to be dating a new girl.

"I saw a girl today – she was a real beauty, and she had that completely helpless look. She couldn't find her classroom, so I helped her out," Josh recounted and took a big sip from his bottle.

"Josh, you are such a gentleman," Dylan mocked Joshua. "What's her name? Did you get her number?"

Josh rolled his eyes. "I didn't get it. It wasn't like that." Joshua's mind went back to the girl from that morning. She did have beautiful eyes and a nice figure. He pushed the thought of her away; it was time to be serious. "Enough about freshmen." Joshua got up.

Dylan cracked, "You mean fresh-girls?" The others laughed at the lame joke. Even Joshua smiled and said, "Whatever, Dylan, let's just play, okay?"

#  CHAPTER 4  
Family feud

Laura could hear the drums beating in the basement.

Her brother's band was playing, and as always, she found it hard to do any homework with the noise they made. She couldn't ask them to turn it down. Every time she tried, she ended up in a fight with her brother Jack. Sometimes she just felt like she hated him, and whenever she had the chance, she preferred to go home with a friend to hang out. The other guys in the band were nice to her. Sometimes she wondered if they felt sorry for her. She liked Joshua the most, but then again, so did every other girl in town; he was the perfect combination of hot and mysterious. Despite his popularity, she had never heard of anyone actually dating him. There was a rumor once of him dating a college girl, but Jack said it wasn't true.

Laura had often dreamed of Joshua falling in love with her, and the best part of her brother's band was that Joshua came to her house often. Even though she typically didn't talk to him at all, the thought of him being in her house was exciting. A few years back, Jack had been furious with Laura – he'd found out she had a crush on Joshua. He had shouted and threatened to beat her up if she ever came near his friend. She figured that it was because Jack was afraid she would come between him and Joshua. If that happened the band would fall apart, and the band was everything to Jack.

Finally, the sound stopped, and Laura could hear the other band members leave the house. She stayed in her room and looked out the window to see Joshua, Kevin, and Dylan get in their cars to drive away. Joshua looked up and saw her. He smiled and nodded his head; she smiled back and felt her heart race.

The sound of her brother coming up the stairs outside her room made her open her door. "Can I get a ride to school tomorrow?" Laura asked.

"Mmm," he mumbled as he passed her. His face had an artic expression of "Leave me alone."

Jack wasn't happy about his sister starting high school. In fact, he wished he didn't have a sister at all. She was their parents' darling; everything she did was oh-so-fantastic, and everything he did was wrong. Sometimes he felt true hate in his heart. At other times, he felt a prick of protectiveness towards her. Even though she was fourteen and old enough to start high school, he still thought she was way too young. He thought about how he and his friends had just talked about fresh flesh in school, and the thought about anyone talking that way about his sister bothered him.

It was ironic that he didn't want anyone to be mean to her when he was close to abusive sometimes. Their parents had told him to be nice to Laura a million times, but the mere sight of her could trigger a reaction in him that felt out of his control. After being hard on her, he often felt bad. He just wished she wasn't so damn provocative with her I'm-the-perfect-child-in-this-family attitude. She was their parents' pride, with her talent for school, and he would get cold inside when he heard his parents brag about Laura being part of the program for gifted children. Jack had never been even close to being part of the gifted program. He was dyslexic and a slow reader. He used to like math. Once, one of his math teachers had told him that many smart people, including Einstein, had been dyslexic. That inspired him. Unfortunately, his parents did not think of him as any Einstein, and one time they had been so mad at him for failing in English that his dad had shouted, "Why can't you be more like your sister?" It just made Jack hate Laura even more, and he thought to himself that without her, his life would be perfect.

* * * * *

Laura sat in her room thinking about her first day of school. In English, a girl had really bothered her: too sweet and pretty, with the perfect answer to anything the teacher asked. Laura had always been the top student in her class, but this girl was amazingly smart. It was going to be hard to be the best in class with that girl around, and Laura had never tried anything but being the best. It wasn't hard to compete academically with her brother Jack, who had never received an A in his life. Jack had a bad attitude with their parents and would argue with them about everything. Laura had learned not to get in his way. Sometimes the rage in him was so powerful that she felt intimidated, but mostly he would just call her names or push her aside if she came too close.

Laura had been part of the program for gifted kids in middle school, and it gave her a special position among her friends. Being the sweet, good, gifted girl was her identity, and it worked for her. Who was this strange brunette, this girl who had challenged her position? She had seen her friend Victoria wave at the brunette as if she knew her. Laura had known Victoria for years and decided to call her.

"Hello?" Victoria answered on the third ring.

"Hi, Vic, it's Laura, how are you?"

"Great, and you?" Victoria sounded happy to hear from Laura.

"Fine, how was first day for you?" Laura asked casually.

"Fine, I guess, how was yours?"

"I saw you said hi to Miss Know-It-All in English class; who is she?" Laura couldn't disguise her mocking tone of voice.

"Who?" Victoria sounded confused.

"That Indian girl with the brown hair who constantly had her arm up." Laura specified.

That was a moment of silence as Victoria was thinking. "Oh, that's Sara. Why?"

"How do you know her?" Laura inquired.

Again Victoria was silent for a moment – she didn't like Laura's tone. "We took dance classes together a few years back."

"How is she?"

Hesitantly Victoria answered, "She's cool. Why are you asking all these questions, Laura?"

Laura could feel Victoria's tension. "No reason! See you tomorrow, okay?" She tried to calm things.

"Okay, bye," Victoria answered, more relaxed.

Laura tasted the name Sara. For some reason, she didn't like the sound of that name.

#  CHAPTER 5  
Horrible thoughts

The following day, Laura found herself observing Sara in class. Even though she didn't know Sara at all and she was knew it was irrational, everything about Sara just bothered her. The way her brown hair fell over her shoulders so perfectly, the way she kept focus on the teacher and seemed to get everything he said, the irritating way she raised her hand every time the teacher had a question, and the way some of the boys in class were looking at her with awe... without her even noticing.

Laura never attracted much attention from boys. Her girlfriends told her she was a bombshell because of her long blond hair and her big bluish-green eyes, but no boy had ever dared to ask her to be his girlfriend. She didn't show guys much interest anyway, and she was planning to save herself for her future husband. One thing that Laura was great at was smiling. She had learned to smile in every situation, no matter how she felt inside. Her mother had always told her, "Put on that pretty smile, Laura!" And she did.

It almost felt to Laura as if Sara was intentionally trying to destroy her life by taking over the top-student role that had been Laura's since kindergarten. She felt angry, and for a short while, she started to fantasize about what it would be like to get back at Sara. She could sneak in at night and cut off her pretty hair while she slept. The thought of Sara's scream the next morning made Laura smile. She could poison Sara's food in the cafeteria to make her puke in front of everyone; she could steal her homework and make her look bad in front of the teacher. It took a lot of willpower to push away the horrible thoughts. For a moment, her own thoughts almost disgusted her.

At lunch Laura was sitting with friends at a table as Sara and Benjamin walked over. "Can we sit here?" Benjamin asked.

With a cold look at Sara, Laura snapped. "No, these seats are taken."

Sara and Benjamin looked with confusion at each other and then back at Laura before they continued to another table.

Laura's friend Lisa looked at Laura, marveling. "What was that about?"

"I just don't like her."

"Why?" Lisa questioned.

"I just don't!" Laura felt full of anger inside and couldn't help it.

Benjamin kept looking over at Laura. He didn't know her, but he wondered what her problem was. "Do you know that girl?"

"She's in my English class," Sara answered. "But I haven't talked to her."

"What is her problem, anyway?" Benjamin frowned.

"I don't know." Sara glanced discreetly in Laura's direction.

"Well, as good old E. Burke says: rudeness is the weak man's imitation of strength."

"Just leave it, okay?" Sara hated any sort of confrontation and wanted to change the subject. "So how is school so far?" Sara smiled at Ben. She didn't want him to know how humiliating the experience had felt to her.

"Great... no detentions so far. My parents can be really proud." He smiled.

"Wow, that's an achievement."

"Hey, do you want to go to the movies on Friday?" Benjamin asked.

"Sure. I would love to," Sara said with a smile. "What are we seeing?"

"A really scary movie that will make you cling to me all night." Benjamin made sounds of horror.

"Ha, you should see your smirking face right now. It will be _you_ clinging to _me_! Just you wait and see," Sara challenged.

"Never! I'm a total macho man. Don't you know that?" Benjamin made tough facial expressions, and once again he had Sara doubled up in laughter. Laura's rejection left her mind.

Her sweet laughter attracted much more attention than she even realized. Laura looked over and felt a hard stone in her stomach. She was sure Sara and Benjamin were laughing at her and that Benjamin's funny faces were an impersonation of her. Her hate for Sara exploded in that moment.

Over at the other end of the cafeteria, Joshua looked in the direction of the laughter. He recognized the helpless girl from yesterday. She was leaning her head back, laughing with the most amazing laughter he had ever heard. She didn't look helpless anymore. She looked like she was on top of the world and as if no other person in the whole world mattered – just the one guy sitting in front of her. Was he her boyfriend? Even from a distance, he could see how she was glowing, and he could feel a physical reaction in his body. "Who is that girl?" he asked, without even realizing he'd spoken out loud.

His friend Kevin turned his head. "I don't know, but she is hot!"

#  CHAPTER 6  
Movie night

After a long discussion, Sara and Benjamin finally decided on a romantic movie. They'd planned on a horror movie called "The Dark Corridor," but Sara had heard from friends that it wasn't worth seeing. While they sat in the darkness, Benjamin took Sara's hand and leaned his knee against hers. She smiled and whispered: "Can I have some popcorn?" The romantic movie, called "Forever" was about finding your soul mate, and Benjamin thought it went on and on, but finally, the movie was over. He walked Sara home.

"You know that girl, Laura, who was being a little... cold to us the other day?" Sara said.

"Yeah. Is her name Laura? What about her?"

"Today in class, she was mean again."

"How?"

"The teacher asked us to write a quick poem, and I wrote one about my grandmother. It wasn't my best poem, but it was alright. The teacher had some of us read our poems out loud, and when it was my turn, I saw Laura rolling her eyes and shaking her head, acting like my poem was ridiculous. She was the only one not applauding; instead she just sat there with her arms crossed, and the worst part was that she tried to convince the teacher that I made a mistake – saying 'who' instead of 'whom,' but I didn't..." Sara ended her long complaint, looking at Benjamin for support.

"Well, you know what they say: if people are trying to bring you down it must mean that you are above them, right?" Benjamin was trying to cheer up Sara, but it didn't seem to be working. He tried another direction. "Sara, honestly, who cares about her? What's her problem, anyway?"

Sara sighed. "I have no idea."

"Hey, don't let that stupid girl get you down. I'll be happy to come by and hold her down while you punch her... just say when!" Benjamin laughed out loud and made boxing fists. As always, he had Sara laughing in a second, and soon enough they moved on to talk about friends and parents. He held her hand, and they felt completely happy.

"Hey, thanks for walking me home, Ben. See you." Sara planted a kiss on his lips and sent him a big smile.

As Benjamin walked home, he thought about the film. His and Sara's love was different. He didn't recognize that "electric" feeling someone in the movie had described – it wasn't like that with Sara. He just really liked being near her. She felt safe and good, and he was really proud to be her boyfriend. He realized that the first three weeks of school were over, and so far he had done really well. Life was good!

#  CHAPTER 7  
The new girl

It was almost incredible how something as exciting as starting high school soon became just as normal as going to middle school. After two months with the same students, the same teachers and the same dull cafeteria food, Sara was beginning to feel a routine setting in. Still, the situation with Laura was getting worse. Sara could see Laura whispering things about her to other people, and it felt like a knife in her heart whenever they looked at her and laughed. She could tell she was being excluded, made fun of, and bullied. It was beginning to wear on her.

English had always been her favorite subject, but now, she didn't look forward to English at all. Laura would be there – her presence was like a frosty breeze from across the room. Sara had tried being nice, but it didn't go well. One day, she ran into Laura in an almost empty hall, and Sara tried to be kind, saying "Hi!" as they passed. Laura completely ignored her; she didn't even look at her, and it felt so harsh to be rejected that way. _Am I not even worthy of a simple hi?_ Sara wondered. Benjamin told her not to take it personally, but it was difficult not to.

Sara wondered what she had done to provoke this anger from Laura, but she couldn't think of anything. As she entered English class one day, she saw a new girl sitting in her usual spot. The girl had the most beautiful copper-colored hair and pale skin. Her blue eyes darted around nervously. "I'm sorry, am I in your seat?" the new girl asked when Sara approached her.

"Don't worry about that, there's no name tag on it. I can find another seat." She smiled. "I'm Sara. Are you new to the school?"

"Yeah, I just moved here with my mom. My parents got divorced, so we had to move here because of my mom's new job. I'm Amber."

Sara smiled. "Welcome, Amber. I hope you'll like it here."

After class, Amber flashed Sara a big smile. Just as Sara was going to ask Amber if she might want to meet for lunch later, Laura cut in front of her. In a soft, sweet voice, Laura asked, "Would you like me to show you to your next class?"

"That would be great, thank you!" Amber gratefully replied and walked away with Laura.

Sara watched Laura chatting happily with Amber as they left.

"Why can't Laura be that nice to me?" Sara asked, exasperated, as she was telling the story to Benjamin at lunch.

"I don't know." He shrugged his shoulders.

"Hey, there she is. Amber, over here," Sara called and waved at Amber, who looked a bit lost with her lunch tray. "Come sit with us."

"Thanks!" Amber came over with a grateful smile.

"Amber, meet Ben. Ben, meet Amber." Benjamin and Amber smiled at each other.

"So how do you like Larva High School so far?" Ben asked Amber.

"It's okay," Amber said with a nod.

"Where are you from?"

"I'm from Hudsonville, Michigan."

"So, Amber, what brings you to our humble school?" Ben asked.

"My parents got divorced, and my mom decided to take a job here in Seattle, so here I am."

"Well, both Sara and I were born and raised here, so we are perfect tour guides. We know all the cool spots." Benjamin winked. "So, do you know what daylight savings time means in Seattle?" he asked Amber.

Amber shrugged. "No."

"An extra hour of rain!" Benjamin grinned.

"What about your dad, then?" Sara asked, ignoring Ben's attempt to be funny.

"He stayed back in Hudsonville. He didn't want to move to the west coast, and he is furious at my mom for moving me across the country." Amber rolled her eyes.

"Oh, that's a bummer. I bet you miss your dad, then?" Sara looked at Amber empathetically.

"Mmm." Amber was taking a bite of her sandwich and nodding her head.

"Well, I hope you'll like it here, anyway," Ben interjected.

"Yeah, me too." Amber smiled a polite smile without any real joy.

It was cool to have a new friend, and soon Amber was hanging with Sara and Benjamin every day at school. But Amber always seemed sad. The whole situation – her parents fighting, changing schools, and everything – wasn't easy, but she and Benjamin seemed to share the same love for the strange and unnecessary wisdom that Ben called "common knowledge." They could all get excited about the political situations in foreign countries, and Amber fully understood Ben's passion for the human rights movement.

Sometimes their discussions became so zealous that Sara felt completely left out. It wasn't that she disagreed with them; she just couldn't relate as much, as she had never been anywhere outside of Washington State. Her father didn't have a lot of vacation time, and although he dreamed of taking his family back to India where he and Sara's mom were born, they had neither time nor money for that. Sara was happy to see Ben connecting to a person other than her at school – it was good to branch out, especially since none of the three had many friends at school yet.

Based on their geographic locations, both Benjamin and Sara technically belonged at a different high school, where all their friends from middle school had gone. But Sara and her family had chosen Larva High School because it was the highest-ranking school in the district and the only high school offering an international baccalaureate, which was important to Sara. Ben had come along with her. She knew it had been a hard choice for Ben, and she was very grateful that he had decided to choose Larva. She had been terrified of starting high school, but with Ben by her side, everything was much easier. And now that Ben was on the Larva High School Baseball team, Sara was convinced that he would soon have a ton of new friends. Ben never complained about it, and he often mentioned that he hung out with his old friends outside of school, playing video games or skateboarding in the park.

A few weeks later, Ben and Amber were rambling on and on about the industrial exploitation of third-world countries, and Sara turned her attention to the other students around her in the cafeteria. She looked around and noticed a table full of girls, all giggling and writing on a paper. In between the giggling and the writing, they kept looking over at the table to their right. Sara let her eyes wander in that direction and met Joshua's eyes: he was staring right back at her. She immediately froze and stopped breathing. His look was so intense that it filled her whole body with a whirlwind of butterflies. They stared at each other for what seemed an eternity before his attention flitted to one of the giggling girls, who was asking for his autograph.

As soon as the girl broke their connection, Sara realized she needed to breathe again. She sucked in air, and she excused herself from Amber and Ben and rushed out of the cafeteria. She needed a fresh breath of air. Sara was full of confusion and excitement. She looked at her hand and saw it shaking. _Don't panic,_ she thought to herself. It was just a look, after all, and he didn't even smile. But the way he had penetrated her with his eyes left her no doubt that he had been looking at her and only her. But why? Could it be that he liked her?

_No, there is_ no _way Joshua Johnson likes me_ , she thought, and took a deep breath to calm herself down. _He can choose any girl at school; why would he choose a bookworm like me? I don't want to be yet another one of the giggling fangirls who swarm around him all the time._ _Damn it, why does he have to be so attractive?_ her inner voice was complaining.

* * * * *

Joshua used all his willpower to be nice to the giggling girls. He was used to it, and normally it was fun to have groups of fans approaching him in school, but right now he wanted them gone.

He and Sara had just had a moment. He had been looking at her for weeks, as discreetly as possible, and today she'd finally looked back. He had felt her surprise when she caught him looking at her, and it had made his heart beat faster to see her eyes freeze as she connected to him. For those five seconds their eyes had been locked together, he had owned her. He'd had every piece of her attention, and he could see that he affected her, as much as she affected him. Damn those girls for interrupting. Or maybe he should bless them and see it as a gift. He knew who Sara was; it hadn't taking him long to find out that she was a brilliant A+ student who was doing every honors class possible and who had attended the gifted program in elementary and middle school. Joshua's good friend Elizabeth had a younger sister who was in Sara's English class. Her name was Victoria, and people often referred to the two sisters as the Queenies, because they had royal names and were from Europe. Joshua thought their names were fully justified; both girls had a rare grace and style about them. The Queenies had been born in Sweden, and their typical Scandinavian blonde hair and pale eyes made them beautiful in a fresh, natural way. His friend Kevin had asked for a tutor at lunch one day.

"I really need someone to help me, man. I got an F on my last essay, and my parents are going to kill me."

Elizabeth had suggested her sister Victoria.

"What are you talking about? She's a freshman. How is she supposed to teach me anything when I'm a junior?" Kevin had said, offended.

Like Joshua, Kevin played bass in TUA and was more focused on music, girls, and sports than school. Kevin was a happy-go-lucky kind of guy, and though he could sometimes be immature and thoughtless, he was fun to be around.

"You have no idea," Elizabeth answered and looked straight at Kevin. "She is super smart. Think about it. She is in the top five percent of the students. I have seen my sister's homework, and it makes me want to cry, and I am not stupid. You know that."

"Wow, are you serious?" Kevin's eyes widened.

"I am serious, and according to my sister, there is this wicked brilliant girl in her class. Apparently her mind works like a computer – she can recite anything she has ever read."

"I've heard about that. Photographic memory, right?" Kevin looked at Elizabeth. "Hey, maybe she could be my tutor. Teach me to have a memory like hers. That would be amazing." Kevin's eyes lit up as if he had just come up with a master plan.

"She can't teach you to have a photographic memory. It doesn't work like that." Joshua laughed at Kevin, who looked disappointed that his master plan had fallen apart. "Besides, brilliant people like that are often so nerdy that they can hardly function among other people. They are total basket cases in their social lives. That's the curse of being a genius," Joshua claimed nonchalantly.

Elizabeth looked at Joshua with indignation. "That is not true! My sister has a ton of friends, and I've met Sara. She seemed super nice to me."

"Who is Sara?" Kevin asked confused.

"The brilliant girl," Elizabeth replied and pointed to Sara, who was eating lunch with Benjamin and Amber. "See, she even has a boyfriend, so you have to reconsider your prejudices against smart people, Josh."

Kevin and Joshua looked at Sara and Benjamin. "No way! Look, Josh, that's the hot girl we were talking about, remember?" Kevin clapped Joshua on the shoulder with a smirk. "I am definitely going to ask her to tutor me, and maybe I can teach her a few tricks, too."

"How do you know that's her boyfriend?" Joshua regretted having asked, but Elizabeth answered anyway.

"Because they have been together for years. They always hang together."

Over the following weeks, Joshua had observed Sara from a distance; he was puzzled by her relationship with her boyfriend, because from a distance they seemed more like brother and sister or best friends. He had never seen them kiss or hug. And he had certainly never seen her look at her boyfriend the way she had just looked at him.

As soon as the giggling girls were gone, Joshua looked back in Sara's direction, but she was gone. Her boyfriend was still at the table, talking to that new girl. They seemed to enjoy themselves, but Sara wasn't there. Joshua had a strong urge to find out where she had gone, but he closed his eyes and tried to stay cool. _She is none of my business. She is someone else's girlfriend, and she is way too smart to be mine anyway. Why would she want a guitar guy like me when she can have any rocket scientist she wants? Or even be one herself?_

* * * * *

It was hard for Sara to stay focused in class after lunch; her mind kept going back to Joshua's intense green eyes. She had felt like he was standing right in front of her, as if no one else was in the room except for the two of them. It was a moment of complete connection, and she played it over and over again. Every time, she felt a warm sensation in her body.

"Would you care to answer that, Sara?" The teacher interrupted her thoughts and brought her back to reality. "I apologize – could you please repeat the question?" She looked confused and the teacher raised his eyebrows critically. "We are talking about the amendments of the American constitution. Would you care to start with the first one?"

Sara tried to direct her focus, but for the first time, she couldn't, and she heard mumbling in the class. This was a new experience for her, the other students, and the teacher. Laura felt the joy wash over her: perfect Miss Know-It-All Sara couldn't answer a basic question like that! Laura raised her hand with glowing eyes.

Meanwhile, Sara was trying to focus. _The First Amendment, come on, Sara, come on..._ She was trying really hard to think.

"Freedom of religion, freedom of speech, and freedom of press, she finally said.

"That's true. Please explain the concept of free speech." Mr. White was a strict man, but Sara liked him. He was knowledgeable and had traveled the world. Once, he had told her about his trip to India: it had been fifteen years since he had visited, but Sara was fascinated by his experience there. She had heard rumors that he was unfair with his grades, but so far, she had received only A's, and she found him fair in his feedback on her homework.

While Sara answered the question, Laura put her hand down with grim disappointment on her face. "We all have the right to say what we want to."

"Thank you, Sara. Class, can you think of any situations in which freedom of speech doesn't apply? Yes, you, Connor."

"You are not allowed to run into a theater and yell 'fire.'"

"That's true, and why is that?"

"Because you could put people in danger of being trampled to death."

"Correct. Yes, Celine?"

"There are rules for what people can say to each other. Like for instance..." Celine seemed to be thinking hard. "Well, like in school where you can get in trouble for bullying."

The teacher smiled at Celine. "You are talking about rules, and that's different from the law; you see, school bullies don't go to jail for being rude, he pointed out.

"But they could get in trouble with the teacher or principal," Celine interjected defensively.

"That's true, Celine, but only while you are in school, and in my experience getting bullies in trouble with us teachers only makes them angrier with the victim."

Laura knew exactly how this worked. She had often gotten the wrong end of revenge from her brother – when she had told on him and had their parents discipline him. It never did anything but make him hate her even more.

Celine looked confused. "But the rules will protect the victim."

The teacher frowned. "To some extent." He sighed. "As I said, they are rules, not laws meaning they can't protect the victim outside of school hours."

Sara had found her focus again. Laura was listening – this might be a good time to communicate to Laura that she was a bully.

"Yes, Sara."

"What do you do when people are mean to you?" Sara felt the other kids looking at her, and she was a little surprised at herself for having asked such a personal question. The teacher took a moment before answering, maybe considering if he had time for this sidetrack.

"You know, that is a good question. I guess I think of the First Amendment and remember that people have the right to say whatever they want to. My right, however, is to accept or dismiss it." The teacher looked around and continued. "Personally, I meet people who are verbally abusive with calmness and kindness. I respect their right to have an opinion and express it. The beauty is that I have the same right. We don't have to agree."

Sara took in his words and wondered if she could do the same thing.

"Well, enough about me..." He changed tone. "What other exceptions to freedom of speech can you mention?"

Sara went home that day confused and exhausted. Everything had changed inside her.

The buzzing sensation that had completely consumed her and made her unable to breathe while looking into Joshua's eyes was unlike anything she had ever experienced with Benjamin, and an unwelcome thought telling her that she might be missing out on a lot in her relationship with Ben was very persistent and took strong focus to dismiss. She pushed the thoughts of Joshua away and remembered Mr. White's words about meeting everyone with kindness. She felt overwhelmed and took a shower and tried to relax and do her homework.

Her mind, however, kept going back to Joshua. She found herself daydreaming about touching him and kissing him. She remembered the pact she and Ben had made only months before on the park bench. Thinking back, that seemed like a different life, a different Sara, even. She couldn't break her promise to Ben, and why would she even think about it? There was no way Joshua was actually interested in her, anyway. Ben was the perfect boyfriend for her, end of story.

#  CHAPTER 8  
Unwanted love

Amber was going through a hard time. Her parents' divorce had been a snowball that triggered an avalanche of unwanted events in her life. Her three best friends in Michigan had been upset that she was leaving, and she felt as if they blamed her even though she didn't have a choice in the matter. After the move, she had called them and written to them on Facebook, but they only responded once in a while and never seemed to initiate contact. It was hard to understand how good friends like that could lose interest and forget about her so fast.

Her mom had explained that probably they were just trying to move on and that they were all sad to have lost Amber, but it made no sense. Amber wasn't gone. She could still Skype and gossip. Her friends at home all had each other, and it seemed to Amber that this was one of those _out of sight, out of mind_ situations. It broke her heart to conclude that she didn't mean more to them.

Amber tried to call her dad every day. She worried about him. He was angry and bitter and would say awful things about her mother. Amber tried to listen without taking sides, but sometimes her dad sounded like he was just about to cry and other times he sounded drunk. She knew he missed her a lot, and that he was lonely in the house by himself. She felt sorry for him and wanted to help, but there wasn't a lot she could do.

Her mom was working long hours. Because of her job as a legal secretary in downtown Seattle, she had a long commute from the east side, and often she wouldn't come home until late in the evening. Amber knew her mom was unhappy about the situation and wanted to be there for Amber. But her mom's attempts to make it up to Amber came out all wrong. Amber didn't mind being alone, but she missed her friends and felt lonely. She had no one to talk to about her family situation. School was hard and competitive. Basically everywhere Amber looked in her life, it seemed pretty dark.

The only bright spot was her friendship with Sara and Benjamin. Amber was grateful that Sara had been so welcoming to her on her first day of school, and she enjoyed eating lunch with Sara and Ben. He was unbelievably funny and cute and had the most amazing energy, making lunch the favorite part of Amber's day. Somehow he always managed to lift her mood and leave her feeling elevated and happy. Sara joked that Ben was a "happy pill," and Amber would agree; he really was, but he was more than that. He was ecstasy[as in the drug?] to her. Everything about him was special – his laugh, his humor, his interest in politics and his crazy ability to remember quotes and jokes appropriate to any situation. If Amber could have ever designed a perfect boyfriend, it would have been Benjamin. Except he wouldn't have been someone else's boyfriend of more than four years, especially not her new best friend's boyfriend, making him completely untouchable.

"So how did you two become a couple, anyway?" Amber asked them one day.

"Well." Sara broke into a big smile. "In fourth grade Ben sent me a letter with a heart on it and asked me to be his girlfriend."

Ben interrupted, grinning. "Honestly, I think she said yes because of the drawing of a race car I made in the corner."

Sara rolled her eyes, laughing. "Sure, that was the reason. And I really liked how funny he was and that he had nice hair, so I said yes."

"Don't forget I was older than you; that was important, too, remember?" Benjamin put on a serious tone.

"Oh yeah, that's right! Benjamin had turned six the day after we started kindergarten, so his role as the oldest kid in the class was kind of cemented from the beginning. I thought that made him extra cool."

"Sounds like an epic love story, you two." Amber smiled.

"So, did you know that Sara's fifteenth birthday is coming up in two days?" Benjamin asked Amber.

"Really? What do want for your birthday?" Amber looked at Sara.

"Let me see... world peace and a piano. You can handle that, right?" Sara smiled.

"Probably can't get you either of those, but how about a cake? Would that work?" Amber smiled back.

"That would be so perfect. Thank you." Sara and Amber both laughed.

Sara wasn't much of a birthday person, and she really didn't want to make a big deal out of it.

Her mom insisted on celebrating, so they compromised on a sleepover party with a few close girlfriends. Amber was happy to have been invited. She showed up at the pajama party excited and happy. "Here, open my present," she said with a happy voice.

Sara took the envelope from Amber and opened it. "What is this?"

"A gift certificate for a piano lesson." Amber had a big grin on her face.

"What? Why?" Sara asked, surprised.

"Because you said you wanted a piano, which is a bit out of my financial league, so I got you the next best thing... a piano lesson." Amber looked proud and excited. "My mom set it up with one of her colleagues."

"Wow! That's very sweet of you." Sara looked at the card. The idea of spending an hour with a stranger by making a fool of herself while trying to play the piano wasn't very appealing to Sara, but she could see the thoughtfulness that Amber had put into the gift. She gave her the biggest smile and hug she could find within herself.

"Anyone want to play truth or dare?" Sara asked, and soon the five girls were giggling.

"Truth or dare, Amber!" Sara said.

"Dare."

"Okay. Show us your most sexy dance."

"Oh no..." Amber was blushing as Sara put on music and clapped to cheer Amber on. The other girls helped, and soon they were all dancing around with Amber, doing the sexiest dancing they could, giggling and blushing.

"Truth or dare, Sara." Amber said.

"Truth."

"Okay," Amber almost whispered, "Have you ever slept with Benjamin?" Amber's eyes were glowing as she asked, and she almost held her breath waiting for the answer.

Sara flushed and all the girls giggled "No! I am a virgin, and so is he." Amber felt relieved. She shot a big smile at Sara.

#  CHAPTER 9  
The piano lesson

On Thursday afternoon, Sara got ready to go to her piano lesson. She wasn't happy about it and wished Amber would have just given her a cake instead. It turned out the address was only a ten-minute walk from Sara's home, so she walked over and rang the doorbell. It was a big, impressive house in a fine neighborhood, and she could hear a small dog barking on the other side of the door. She waited a few minutes. No one answered. _Well, I tried,_ Sara thought, relieved, and started to walk away when she heard the door open behind her.

"Can I help you?" a woman asked politely.

Sara turned around and looked at a plump woman with a small dog on her arm.

"I'm here for a piano lesson," Sara said softly.

The woman looked surprised. "A piano lesson? You must have the wrong address, sweetheart. No one teaches piano here, as far as I know."

Sara felt like she could fly. She smiled. "That's okay. I apologize for the misunderstanding." She was just about to turn around when a voice from inside the house shouted, "It's okay. Let her in, Anna."

"Well then! Come on in," Anna said with a welcoming hand gesture.

Sara walked into a grand entrance with an elegant curved staircase. Anna took Sara's jacket and showed her into the living room, where there was a grand piano. The first thing that hit Sara: the big, panoramic windows looked out over a spectacular view of majestic mountains dusted with snow in front of a clear sky.

"Would you like something to drink?" Anna asked.

Sara didn't want to be any trouble and courteously answered, "No, thank you. I'm fine," even though her throat felt dry.

"Okay, dear, you just take a seat by the piano." Anna pointed, and Sara politely walked over and sat down. She listened to Anna talking to someone in another room.

"I'm sorry, Anna, I should have told you. I am just doing a favor for my mom. No big deal. It will only take an hour."

"Okay. I was going to vacuum in there, but I will just start preparing dinner instead." Sara realized that Anna was not the owner of the house; she was a housekeeper of sorts. She figured that the people living here needed help with the household because they were too busy earning enough money to pay for the house. She looked down at the piano and felt so stupid. She was not musical, and even hundred hours of piano lessons wouldn't change that; why had she even made that joke of wanting a piano and world peace. World peace sure, but a piano... not really. As she was gazing out the window, mind rattling from irritation with herself and Amber for putting her in this situation, she was interrupted.

"Hi, I'm Josh," the voice said. Sara turned her head to face him, and her jaw dropped. It was Joshua. His smile vanished and he stared at her with surprise, and instinctively he took a step back. Sara watched how his chin got hard, and he seemed to use every bit of willpower to stay where he was.

"You," he exclaimed. "I didn't know it was you, or I wouldn't have..."

"Me." Sara was confused. "What's wrong with me? Why wouldn't you have...?"

Joshua looked away, gathering his cool. "I didn't mean it like that, I'm sorry." After what seemed an eternity to Sara, he walked over and sat down on the piano bench without looking at her, making sure to keep a distance between them. Sara was following his every move with her eyes, still in shock that she was actually sitting in Joshua Johnson's living room. She could hardly breathe as she tried to think of something to say.

"It's a beautiful piano." Sara felt her voice sound unnaturally high.

"It has been in my family forever, but I'm the only one who uses it." He sounded formal. "I will teach you for one hour." Joshua furrowed his brow at the notes in front of him.

Sara had no doubts he wanted to get it over with, and she just nodded, concentrating on breathing normally again. She hated how he affected her. She didn't like losing control like this.

* * * * *

Joshua thought about how he had walked in to find Sara in his living room. Everything inside him had fought to keep calm. It had been completely unsuspected, and he was trying to understand how he could have missed that she was the student. His mom had asked him to do her a favor. A new co-worker's daughter wanted a piano lesson, just one, and she was a sweet young kid. He loved kids and was happy to help out and share his love for music, but he had expected a young child, not Sara.

It was hard to look at her; she was so perfect, so fine with her big, confused brown eyes looking at him. Once again, she had that helpless look on her face, and he felt an urge to protect her. More than anything he wanted to grab her and kiss her, but he knew she was dating someone else. He couldn't look at her, because if he did, he would lose himself in the details of her face. Her red lips that looked so soft, her sweet nose. Her big brown eyes with those perfectly curved eyebrows. Sitting beside her was challenging, and he forced his mind to focus on the notes. He started playing a tune to distract himself from her perfume. With every fiber of his body, he could feel the closeness of her body to his. He closed his eyes and tried to block her out of his thoughts by focusing on the music.

"You play beautifully," Sara complimented him with a soft voice.

"Thank you." His tone sounded much harder than he had intended.

"I could never play as well as you do. You are amazing." Her voice, full of admiration, made him frown. "It's nothing, really." He tried being dismissive.

Sara looked at his fingers on the piano: effortless, graceful. "I wish I were more like you. It must be magical to play an instrument like that. You make it look so easy."

_More like me?_ _Why the hell would you be more like me when you are a freaking gorgeous honor student?_ Joshua thought and stopped playing. He turned and looked at her with the intensity she had seen from him in the cafeteria. He was so used to girls complimenting him on his musicianship, but her compliment was different, and it reached him in a different way. His whole body felt warm, and he could feel his heart pumping fast in his chest. She made him feel special and significant, and it made him want her even more.

Her lips were right in front of him; it would take him less than a second to lean forward and kiss her. Would she push him away? Would she kiss him back? His lips parted slightly and he took a deep breath as her boyfriend's face popped into his mind. "I need water." He murmured and jumped up, trying to create distance between them.

Sara sat for a few minutes and focused only on her breathing. Her heart was racing and she was torn – she wanted this hour to be over quickly so she could escape this painful exposure of her lack of musical talent to the hottest guy in school, and she wanted this hour to never end. Being close to Joshua made her feel more alive than ever but her whole body was shivering with disappointment. For a second, she had thought he was actually going to kiss her, and every cell in her body had wanted him to. _Don't be a fool, Sara, he's not that into you, he's just impossibly handsome and talented; all you are is yet another drooling fan, get a grip._

When Joshua returned, he brought water for Sara and she drank it eagerly.

He sat down next to her, closer this time. She closed her eyes for a moment and could feel him next to her. He started playing a simple tune and asked her to pay attention, but all she could think about was the fact that his knee was touching hers. Did he know? Could he feel the same electricity in his body as she felt in hers? He stopped playing and leaned back, which made his upper arm touch hers, and she could feel chills down her spine.

"Your turn, he instructed, and she looked at him, completely lost; there was no way her mind could process the overload of confusing physical desires and notes on a keyboard. As their eyes locked, the expression on her face made Joshua warm up and smile. Boyfriend or no boyfriend, Sara's body and eyes told him that he was clearly not the only one affected. _Just stay focused on the music_ , he reminded himself. "Just try it," he encouraged, but Sara had no idea how he had just played that melody. She felt stupid and humiliated.

"Let me help you." He leaned closer and reached out for her hand but his touch made Sara gasp in surprise and pull back her hand in reflex. She flushed and felt completely shy and exposed, convinced that Joshua could see right through her. She looked at him with her eyes wide open and stood up abruptly. "I have to go," she exclaimed.

Joshua looked up at her with a ghostly expression of confusion that only lasted a second before he looked angry, with his lips hardened into a straight line and his jaws clenched. Sara saw his hard and distant expression, and a glint of despair flashed in her eyes before she turned around and ran out the door. Joshua was left in front of the piano wondering what had just happened. She was the most confusing girl he had ever met. One minute she was vulnerable and fragile and told him he was amazing. The next minute his touch made her flee. Was he so unattractive to her? Was she playing with his emotions intentionally, or was she too young and inexperienced to understand the power she had over him?

* * * * *

As Sara walked away from the house, she started to cry. Her emotional system was overwhelmed, and she was so confused about what just happened. The feelings of desire she had for Joshua were so powerful – something she had never experienced with Benjamin. She had never been interested in sex, but suddenly, she felt a desire to tear Joshua's clothes off and be close to him. Tears were streaming down her cheeks as she thought about the expression he'd had on his face when she stood up. He had pulled away from her.

It was all so confusing. One minute he would make her feel like he just wanted to get their time together over with, the next minute he would be nice and look her deep in her eyes. But then, there were his rejecting comments, like, "I didn't know it was you or I wouldn't have..." Never what? Never agreed to give her a piano lesson? Why? What was wrong with her? Why didn't he want to be with her?

Maybe there was something about her that repulsed people. That could explain why Laura treated her so badly, too. _I can never look at him again, never!_ she repeated internally as she walked home with tears streaming down her face.

#  CHAPTER 10  
Hiding

Sara didn't want to see anyone. She just wanted to stay in bed and hide.

Going to school seemed impossible, so she convinced her mom that she was sick, and stayed home for a few days. Eventually her mother figured out that she wasn't really sick and refused to let her stay home anymore. "Whatever it is, honey, you can tell me," her mom insisted.

Sara wanted to, but she didn't know how. What would her mom think if she knew that her daughter had barely turned fifteen before feeling like she wanted to tear the clothes off a guitar player and kiss him? And how could she tell her mother this, when her mom knew Ben and adored him?

"So, how was your piano lesson?" Amber asked in school.

Sara replied quickly. "Fine. Thank you for the gift." Her answer made Amber look at her with curiosity. Something was wrong. Not even Ben could cheer Sara up, and she kept quiet and passive during lunch, too. Her eyes looked sad, as if she had lost someone, and her energy was completely off.

Walking down the corridors, Sara looked like a ghost. She was there psychically, yet she wasn't. Her body functioned, but her mind was somewhere else. She couldn't focus in class and didn't really listen; and in English class, even Laura could not penetrate her sadness with her nasty comments.

"What happened to your face? You look like someone died," Laura hissed at Sara.

Sara didn't even react. She just went to sit down. Then she noticed Victoria approaching Laura.

"You know, Laura, what if someone had died? What would that comment make you, then?"

Laura looked around at her friends and turned to Victoria. "It would make me right." Laura's sassy reply made everyone laugh.

"True," Victoria said calmly. "But also extremely insensitive and rude... what happened to you, Laura? When did you become such a bully?"

Laura stared at Victoria, and in her eyes she saw no fear and no judgment; there was only sadness and honesty. Laura looked away, feeling upset. Victoria was right. She had become like her brother, rude and verbally abusive. She didn't like that part at all, but why would Victoria take Sara's side? Laura and Victoria used to be such good friends.

Sara felt grateful to Victoria for standing up for her, and she wanted to shoot her a smile, but Victoria didn't look at her.

After class, she went to see Victoria, who was at her locker.

"Thank you for sticking up for me in class." She even managed a half smile.

"Thank you, sweetie, but I didn't!" Victoria sighed while searching for a book in her locker.

"But you did!" Sara insisted.

"It wasn't about you, Sara – it was about Laura." Victoria closed her locker and started walking.

Sara followed her. "What do you mean?"

"I was sticking up for Laura." Victoria sounded calm.

"I don't understand." Sara felt confused.

Victoria stopped and looked at Sara with warm eyes. "I like Laura, but I don't like who she is becoming. I was trying to remind her of who she really is."

"Oh, I see." Puzzled, Sara watched Victoria as she walked away.

"Thank you anyway," she said to Victoria's back, but Victoria was already gone.

After school, all Sara wanted was to hide in her room. She had survived school without seeing Joshua, and she preferred it that way. She couldn't face him and his giggling fans.

She was listening to sad music from a movie that she'd never really liked, but the music seemed to suit her mental state. The doorbell rang, and for a while she waited for her mom to open the door. Then she realized her mom wasn't home. She was taking Sara's younger twin brothers to soccer practice and wouldn't be home for an hour or more.

The doorbell rang again, and Sara finally got up to open the door. "I'm coming!" she shouted and opened the door, feeling irritated.

"You forgot your jacket." Joshua was standing outside her door holding her jacket, which she had completely forgotten about, and he looked amazing. He smiled at her and she stared at him for a moment as if to really understand that it was him.

"Thank you," Sara stuttered and didn't know what to do. Was she supposed to ask him inside? She bit her lip hard and cursed internally as she realized that opposite him, she didn't look amazing; she looked pale and sad, her hair was messy from curling up on her bed, and she was wearing her baggy PJ pants and an old sweater that she always found comforting. This was the worst humiliation that could have ever happened to her. She swore that from now on she would never open the door unless she looked stunning.

"Are you okay?" Joshua asked, concerned.

"Yes, I'm great!" Sara lied.

Josh tilted his head and pinched his eyes as if he was trying to see through her. "You missed school the last few days; are you sick?"

"I was sick, but now I'm fine... thank you for bringing by my jacket." She reached for the jacket in a quick movement, and for a moment longer than expected he didn't let go, causing her to look up at him, searching for an explanation. He didn't say anything but just returned her glance with intensity and a wry smile before releasing her jacket. "You left very quickly the other day. Did something happen?" His eyes looked dark as he spoke.

Sara looked at him with confusion. How could he not know what was wrong? Didn't he see the fire that was burning inside her every time he came near her? She couldn't tell him that her heart was breaking because she was torn between a pact she'd made with her boyfriend and her desire for him, Mr. Unattainable. She didn't want to make a bigger fool of herself than she already had, so she shook her head and said, "I'm sorry about that." Internally, she was feeling like the biggest loser of all time, and she knew she had to close the door now. Otherwise, he'd see her burst into tears, and she couldn't let that happen.

"Thank you." She put up her bravest smile, but one that never reached her eyes, and closed the door. One minute later she was crying her eyes out in bed, feeling like the biggest fool in the world.

The next day at school, Sara tried to look her best, but even with a bit of mascara and her nicest clothes, she looked like a ghost of herself. There was no sparkle in her eyes, no humor.

Ben kept asking if they could hang out after school, but she didn't want to see anyone. She just wanted to be alone. At lunch, she felt Joshua looking at her. She looked back but couldn't keep eye contact, out of shame. He looked concerned, and she didn't understand why. Why did he care? Again he was distracted by friends and girls hanging around him.

* * * * *

Ben and Amber caught up to Sara. "Hey, did you hear about the party at Victoria's house?" Ben was looking at Sara. He didn't understand what was going on. Nothing he did worked any more.

"Yes, she invited me, too," Sara replied, looking down. "But I'm not going."

"Why not?"

"My parents won't let me," she lied.

"Did you ask them?"

"No, not really, but you know them – they never let me go to parties."

"But you're older now! It's different. I bet they would let you go," Ben kept pushing.

"It's okay. I don't want to go anyway," Sara mumbled.

"I do! I need to have some fun soon. It's so depressing to be around you." Amber laughed and Ben smiled, but Sara didn't. Amber and Ben exchanged looks of concern and changed the subject.

Saturday night, Sara was in her room, listening to music and dwelling on heavy thoughts, when suddenly both Ben and Amber crashed into her room.

"Your mom let us in. We are taking you to the party. Your mom agrees you need to get out of this house, so get ready!" Amber sounded very determined.

At first Sara tried to resist the idea but quickly realized they wouldn't take no for an answer.

Amber chose some clothes and styled Sara's hair and makeup, and both Ben and Amber were very pleased with the result. "You look stunning!" Ben complimented her. "Come on, your mom is driving us."

Sara went along with it and took a quick look in the mirror. She hardly recognized the girl staring back. She looked good despite her sad eyes. Amber had done an impressive job. She had pulled out a tight dress, but Sara had refused to wear it. She was too shy! Her new skinny jeans, the tank top, and her Converse shoes were casual enough for her to feel comfortable in, but with the accessories and the makeup, she looked older and more stylish than ever. _I really have to use my jewelry, belts, and scarves more often_ , Sara concluded.

"Have fun," her mom said when she dropped them off at Victoria's party. "Just enjoy yourself, okay?"

Ben put his arms around both girls as they walked into the house. The party was in the basement, and after just two minutes Ben was pulled away by friends and Amber disappeared into the powder room. For a moment Sara felt very alone and fragile.

"Hi, Sara, good to see you." Victoria came over and Sara could hardly hear her voice through the loud music, but she understood that drinks were upstairs in the kitchen. She headed that way. The party seemed to include many different grades, and suddenly Sara remembered that Victoria had an older sister, so she had probably invited friends, too. She found a glass of punch. It tasted sweet, and she was thirsty, so she drank the whole glass and filled it up again.

"Be careful with that punch, it's got rum in it." Elizabeth, Victoria's sister, was smiling at Sara, who completely panicked. If her parents knew she was drinking alcohol, she would be in serious trouble.

"I'm just messing with you. It's just soda and fruit." Elizabeth grinned and Sara smiled back with a sigh of relief. Sara went to find Ben and saw him dancing with Amber. They were jumping up and down and having fun. He met her eyes and made a gesture as if to say, "Come join us," but she shook her head and headed away from the dance floor.

"Are you not dancing tonight?" A voice close to her ear made her turn, and she was looking directly into Joshua's big green eyes. His closeness had the same effect on her as it had in his house, and like the last time, it hit her like a hammer, making her forget to breathe.

Joshua took her hand and led her to the dance floor. She shook her head to say no, but he didn't let go. His eyes penetrated hers and he pulled her closer as the music got slower. In her mind, alarm bells went off. She knew there was something she needed to do, but she was completely hypnotized by his green eyes. It seemed like no one was in the room except the two of them. As they danced, he held her tightly with strong arms, as if he would never let her go. Sara felt completely powerless and just followed his moves like a cobra obeying a snake charmer's flute. Every fiber was alert, and every touch from Joshua sent electrical impulses through her body. She didn't register the looks from Ben, and she didn't notice when he left, looking hurt. She didn't notice Amber following Ben; she had eyes only for Joshua.

Outside, Benjamin was furious. For months, he had kept his promise to Sara to stay together, even though he felt they had grown apart as a couple. He had watched her get sadder and quieter without knowing why, and now he knew. Sara was in love with Joshua. Who could compete with him, the school celebrity? For weeks, Benjamin had secretly fantasized about Amber, thinking about what it would be like kiss her, to touch her, and he hadn't acted on any of his desires because of his promise to Sara. How could Sara do this to him? He felt hurt and betrayed. He knew Sara better than anyone, and she had never looked at him the way she was looking at Joshua right now. It was so obvious that she was madly in love with him.

"Are you okay?" Amber was standing behind Ben.

"I'm fine," he murmured without turning around.

"Are you upset because they are dancing?"

"No, I'm upset because of the way they are dancing," Benjamin replied harshly.

"Are you and Sara even a couple still?" Amber asked quietly. Her words made him reflect. When was the last time he had felt like an actual boyfriend to Sara? Not since the movie, and even then, she'd seemed more interested in him as a friend.

"I guess not," he said and turned around, still feeling hurt and betrayed.

"Do you want a hug?" Amber opened her arms with a smile, and he smiled back slightly. As she hugged him, he felt months of suppressed desire for her. Her body was soft and he could feel her breasts against his chest. He instantly got a hard-on, and his reptilian brain took over, making him lean forward to kiss Amber. She looked at him with a surprised expression, and for a moment, Benjamin wasn't sure what to do, but then he saw Amber smile at him.

Damn, she was pretty, and so inviting, and why would he hold back when Sara didn't? He kissed her again, and this time Amber kissed him back and opened her mouth a little; he let his tongue find hers and was blown backward by the ecstasy he felt in his body. Sara and Ben had tried French kissing, but she didn't like it very much. Amber was different; she sighed and kissed him back with desire, putting her arms around him, pulling him close. Part of him felt embarrassed that she would feel his erection, and another part didn't give a damn. He pushed against her and kissed her deeply. He had so much desire in his body, and she embraced him and made the sweetest sounds when he kissed her.

"I really like you, Ben," she whispered into his mouth. Her words gave him confidence to move his hands to her breasts. She let him, and he felt ecstatic and horny and ready to take it further, when they heard a sound behind them.

"What are you doing?" Ben turned his head to see Celine staring at them with horror. Before they could even respond, she was gone, and they knew she had gone to find Sara. Benjamin flushed with regret. How could he be such a jerk? This was not the way to do it. He ran into the house and saw Sara's hurt eyes as she looked from Celine to him. He couldn't see Josh anywhere, but he knew Sara had heard what happened between him and Amber, and he could see she was shocked. In a fast movement, Ben dragged Sara outside. They needed to talk.

"How could you?" Sara looked at him with contempt.

"I am sorry! I got so mad... when I saw you dancing with Josh."

"I was just dancing! I didn't have my tongue stuck down his throat."

"I know, but the way you looked at him... I know you, Sara, and you have never looked at me that way." Ben's voice blaming her was high-pitched. Sara could see tears in Ben's eyes, and she could feel his pain, but she was consumed with shock and anger. "Well, that's because... I don't feel that way about you." It was the truth, and her anger with Ben made her want to hurt him back; still, the second she said it, she wished she could have taken it back.

"I guess not." Ben's face got hard, and his expression told her how hurt he was.

"Are we done now?" he asked, as if he was waiting for a jury to make a conviction.

"We're done!" Sara held her breath. Parts of her didn't want to let go of Ben. He was her best friend, but parts of her were so hurt and disappointed that she couldn't stand to be with him for one more minute. She turned around to leave and saw Amber standing in silence, watching them. "And you, don't ever come near me again." Sara's eyes were like knives when she passed Amber. She wanted to get out of there and get home as fast as possible.

When Sara ran out through the door, she heard a voice behind her.

"Sara, wait up." It was Victoria. "I know what happened. I am so sorry, Sara."

Sara had tears streaming down her face, ruining her makeup. "I am so confused."

"I know... Come here." Victoria hugged her. "I'll call a cab for you; you'll be all right." Sara was grateful to have Victoria's support. She had just lost the two most important people in her life, and she couldn't think. She couldn't feel, either. Victoria's hug was all she could process in this moment.

#  CHAPTER 11  
The fight

Dancing with Sara had been magical for Joshua. No girl had ever made him feel the way she did.

He closed his eyes and tried to calm down as he stood in the bathroom, his heart pounding.

He could not escape the fact that she drove him insane. He felt like an animal around her, like a predator controlled by instinct. All he could think of was getting close to her, and all his senses failed him. Intellectually, he knew she was off-limits. She had a boyfriend; she was out of his league and smarter than he would ever be. And yet he was drawn to her in a way that made him feel powerless.

She was so innocent, and she was clearly affected by him. He could see it in her eyes as she danced with him. He had held her close – close enough for her to feel his excitement, and at one point her eyes opened wide, as if she had suddenly realized how she physically affected him. Did she not realize how sexy she was? He had seen surprise and confusion in her eyes, and her innocence had made his body scream for her in a way that was almost painful. He couldn't breathe. He needed her, and his only escape was to excuse himself and run to the bathroom to calm down.

He looked in the mirror and shook his head. _What is this girl doing to me?_ After being close to her, he knew one thing for sure. He wanted more. He wanted everything. The thought of her freshman boyfriend made his stomach turn. _What does he have that I don't?_ Frustrated and scared that he would never be close to her again, he decided to go out and tell her how he felt. "You can do this, Josh," he said to the mirror and pumped himself up before opening the door. He looked around but she wasn't to be seen, so he went outside searching.

"Have you seen Sara?" he asked Victoria, who was passing him.

Victoria stopped. "I just sent her home in a taxi."

"What? No, why?" Joshua exclaimed, confused, and ran his hands through his hair with frustration.

"Because she was heartbroken," Victoria calmly answered

"Why, what happened?" None of this made sense to Joshua.

"Benjamin cheated on her with Amber."

"What? When?" Joshua couldn't believe how fast this had happened. _How long was I in the bathroom?_

"Just now. They broke up," Victoria told him in a matter-of-fact kind of way.

There was an explosion of emotions inside Joshua. Sara was single, and that was the best news ever: that meant one less obstacle between him and her. But she was also heartbroken, and he couldn't help her. More than anything he wanted to hold her and comfort her. Why would anyone cheat on Sara? Her boyfriend had to be a huge moron. He turned around and headed inside to find something to drink. This was too much for him.

In the kitchen, he found Benjamin, turning his head away from Amber, who was trying to talk to him. When Benjamin saw Joshua, he instantly jumped up. "It's your fault! You stole my girlfriend."

Joshua looked at him with surprise. "What are you talking about, you idiot? You screwed up. Don't blame me, man." Like a rocket, Benjamin was all over Joshua; Amber was screaming in the background, and other people were running to the scene. They fought all around the kitchen. Joshua was bigger than Ben and much stronger, but Ben was blinded by his fury and grabbed whatever he could find to hurt Joshua with.

Suddenly, a loud whistle broke their attention. Between them came Victoria and her sister Elizabeth.

With fierce authority, each sister faced her friend. "We are not going to the hospital tonight. We are having a party," Elizabeth hissed with a stern look at Joshua, while Victoria nailed Benjamin to the spot with her narrowed eyes. Benjamin looked around and found a lot of people staring at him. "I'm leaving," he growled, and turned around to go.

"Me too," Joshua mumbled, and sent Elizabeth an apologetic look.

Amber stood with tears streaming down her face and chin. "Wait! Ben," she cried and ran after him, but he pulled away and said, "Leave me alone – it was a mistake."

Amber's heart stopped and she felt a knife in her stomach as she watched Ben walk away from her.

#  CHAPTER 12  
Amber's despair

Seventeen days had gone by since the party, and now Amber was lying in her bathtub, thinking of everything that had happened in the past six months. No matter where she looked, she couldn't see any light. Her parents' endless fights, their divorce, losing her friends at the old school, how she had kissed Benjamin and how he had called her a mistake right after, and how he had refused to talk to her ever since. Every time she had tried to approach him, he would turn around and leave. She had become a _persona non grata_ at Larva High School. As a newcomer, she didn't have many friends to begin with, but now she felt like she had none. No one talked to her, no one wanted to sit with her at lunch, and no one cared about her. She was all alone, no matter where she turned.

When Amber's parents got divorced, she'd thought it was the low point of her life. She didn't think anything could possibly feel worse than seeing the two people she loved and admired the most become bickering, immature versions of the adults she had always looked up to. It was heartbreaking to see them constantly fight and argue, but even worse to hear the words, "We are getting a divorce."

Falling in love with Benjamin had not been in her plans, and even though it was painful to keep it a secret, she had been happy to have the chance to hang out with him at lunch. Kissing him at that fateful party had felt far more satisfying than in any of her fantasies, but then everything had gone wrong. Benjamin had called her a mistake; Sara was angry with her, and their friendship was over. Every kid at school seemed to look at her with disgust. They blamed her for Sara's and Benjamin's breakup. People spread rumors that she had left Michigan because she had slept with too many guys and ruined too many relationships there.

Amber was horrified that anyone could think so little of her, but they were right about one thing. Everyone around her was breaking up: first her parents, and now her best friends at school. She felt like a horrible person, and going back to school every day since then had felt like going to war: always being on guard for the next attack, not expecting any kindness, simply surviving. The only person who had been civil to her and hadn't changed was Victoria. They weren't close, but knew each other from English. One day, Victoria sat with Amber at lunch, even though Amber knew Victoria could sit anywhere she wanted to. Victoria didn't belong to any specific group, but she was liked by everyone.

"Are you hanging in there?" Victoria asked, looking directly at Amber.

Amber looked down and shrugged her shoulders. They sat for a while without saying anything, and Amber could feel Victoria's examining eyes on her but found it hard to look back. She was afraid that Victoria's sympathy would make her cry, and she didn't want to attract any more attention to herself than she already had.

"You know, my mom always says, if you find yourself stuck in the middle of hell, keep going!" Victoria gave Amber a slight smile. Amber smiled back, but the smile didn't reach her eyes.

"She sounds like a wise mom."

"She is," Victoria nodded.

Amber wished she and Victoria could have spent more time together, but she didn't want to be Victoria's sad parasite and was too proud to ask Victoria to hang out. She figured Victoria would only do it out of pity, and Amber didn't want anyone's pity. Victoria would smile at her in class and ask how she felt, but Amber always felt like other kids were watching, and she replied with a brief "okay."

Amber had tried to call Sara to apologize, but even though she left voice messages, she never heard back. She had tried to leave a letter in Sara's locker to apologize for letting her down. She watched from a distance as Sara read the letter and tore it apart. That day, Amber cried herself to sleep.

Amber had received anonymous messages online that called her nasty, degrading names and told her to be ashamed of what she'd done. People she didn't even know would leave nasty posts on her Facebook wall, insinuating that she was promiscuous and had slept with everyone at her former school. It wasn't true, of course, but when she tried to deny it, the online bullying just picked up and grew, and lately it had escalated into physical bullying at school. Girls would walk right into her and pretend it was an accident. Monday, a student she didn't know knocked her lunch tray out her hands and just said, "Whoops," while a bunch of kids laughed and pointed. But the worst part had happened today, when Amber had found her locker spray-painted with the word SLUT in red capital letters.

Amber slowly submerged herself under the water to avoid recalling the painful moment when she had first seen the paint. It was too strong a memory, and she could still feel the shock of it. She had been painfully aware of everyone staring at her, whispering, pointing. It had been seventeen days in hell, and no matter how much she wanted to, she could see no light ahead of her.

Amber surfaced from the water and looked down her naked body. She was disgusted with what she saw. She had lost a lot of weight, and her ribs showed. Eating seemed unimportant next to the emotional despair she was in. Her mom had tried everything. She had prepared every one of Amber's favorite meals. She had bought her sweets and cookies, even though she didn't usually want Amber to eat sugar. She had threatened to take away her computer and she had tried to motivate Amber by promising to buy a new phone for her, if only Amber would eat. But Amber didn't care about her computer; it only brought her pain to see everyone writing about parties and friends, when she felt like the loneliest person in the world. And why would she want a new phone when she had no one to call and no one ever called her?

Amber could feel her mind getting blurred, details fading away. Numbness came over her, and she thought about her mom. She felt bad about leaving her mom and pushed away the thought of her mom finding her naked body in the bathtub. Her letter would explain and hopefully give her mom the answers that she couldn't explain face-to-face. She looked at the pill bottles by the sink. She hated swallowing pills and always had. Her mom had used Tic-Tacs to teach her how, but she still didn't like it. Ironic that she, who could never swallow a pill as a child, would end her life by swallowing pills. A tear went down her cheek as she closed her eyes. An image of her parents grieving at her funeral arose. It would be a very small funeral. Her family would be there, and that would be it, and they would finally understand why she had been so lonely. Amber, fifteen, the girl with no friends, hated by the entire world. If she could only be there to see Benjamin's reaction when he was told that she had committed suicide. Would he feel guilty? Would Sara? Would the person who wrote "SLUT" on her locker? Probably not. It would probably be a relief to them. She would no longer be breaking up people's relationships.

#  CHAPTER 13  
Moving on

Sara was in shock when she heard Ben and Amber had kissed. It was the betrayal that had hurt her most. After going over it a million times in her head, she realized that she didn't feel disturbed by the fact that Ben had kissed someone else. She didn't feel jealous or possessive in that sense, and she knew why. She didn't like Ben like that. She didn't want that part of him. But she still wanted him – his friendship, his loyalty, and his way of making her feel like she was the one and only. By kissing Amber at that party, he had taken it all away.

After almost five years together, Ben was part of her identity. They were a couple, and they did things together, and she felt weak without him. She depended on him to be there, to cheer her up and help her out when she needed him. She wished she could have stayed home from that stupid party. She would still be dating Ben. She would still be friends with Amber.

Looking back, she couldn't believe how she had failed to see Amber's infatuation with Ben. The chemistry between them was phenomenal, and Amber was always glowing when Ben was around. _Why didn't I see it?_ A part of her felt bad for Amber. She had seen her around at school, seen Amber look lonely and sad, and heard the harsh comments people made when she passed them. More than once, she had almost gone over to talk to Amber, but part of her was still mad at her for taking Benjamin away.

Benjamin and Sara had talked. He came over a few days after the party to talk it over. She understood why he had gotten upset when she had danced with Joshua, and she had forgiven him. They had agreed to stay friends, but in reality they didn't see each other anymore. At school, they would pass each other and nod heads or exchange greetings, but nothing more. Benjamin had told her about the fight with Joshua, and she couldn't believe that they had been fighting over her. Joshua had to have been furious at her after being attacked by her boyfriend, or ex-boyfriend.

She hadn't talked to Joshua since the party. She felt him looking at her across the cafeteria, but she didn't look back. She was scared of how he made her feel. She liked to be in control, and with him, she wasn't. When they had danced together, she had felt completely powerless, and when he pulled her close, she had felt his erection against her dress. He was so intense, and for a moment she felt scared of what he might expect of her. She was fifteen and a virgin; he was at least two years older and a rock star. He had probably been with other girls, and she was clueless about sex. For some reason Joshua had excused himself and left her on the dance floor just before she found out about Ben and Amber. Why had he left her standing there like that? Was he bored with her? Had she done something wrong?

Sara had erotic dreams about him almost every night, and part of her wanted to talk to Joshua, badly. But the past few weeks, she had hidden herself in her safe zone: books. To keep her mind off her love life, she studied like a maniac. When she had walked out of class today, she had seen Amber's locker. Even though she was still a bit angry with Amber, she was disturbed that someone would write SLUT on her locker. Why would anyone do such a horrible thing? What if Amber thought it was she who had written it? Sara decided to call Amber to make sure Amber knew that she hadn't written it. The phone rang forever, but finally she heard Amber's voice.

"Yes."

"Hi, Amber, it's Sara."

"Sara.... what do you want?" Amber sounded very strange, as if drunk or high on something.

Concern rose in Sara. "I want to talk to you. Is now a good time?" Amber responded, but her speech was so slurred that Sara didn't understand her.

"Amber, are you okay?" Sara could feel that something was completely off.

"Mmm." Sara heard a bump.

"Amber, talk to me – are you okay?" Every part of Sara's intuition screamed out an alert, and she didn't know what to do, so she called Benjamin. "Something is wrong with Amber," she almost shouted on the phone. "I think she did something stupid."

"What do you mean?" Benjamin asked in a concerned voice.

"I called her, and she sounded drunk, or dosed, or something. You have to do something."

"Do you have her mom's number?" Ben asked in a high voice, suddenly realizing he had no clue where Amber actually lived.

"No, do you? No, wait, her mom works with Josh's mom. I remember his number from my gift certificate for the piano lessons."

"Call him. I'll look up her address and run over. Call me, okay?"

Sara called Joshua's number.

"Hello." He sounded happy.

"Josh, it's Sara. I need your help." She sounded almost hysterical. "Remember that girl who got me the piano lesson with you?"

"Yeah – Amber, the girl who kissed Ben, right?" Josh answered.

"I think she did something stupid. And we need to find her. Your mom works with her mom, right?"

"Right. I will call my mom; don't worry, ok?" Joshua could tell it was urgent.

"Okay." Sara pressed end and called Benjamin back.

"Did you find the address?"

"Yes, I got it – meet me at 19852 Main Drive."

"Got it!" Sara memorized the number. Main Drive wasn't far away. She ran the whole way, replaying Amber's slurring voice in her mind. Something was definitely wrong. Sara got there just a few minutes before Benjamin did and knocked on the door. No one answered, so she started peeking in the windows, but she couldn't see Amber anywhere.

Benjamin was on his bike. He jumped off and flew to the door. He banged on it. "Is it open?" Sara asked. Benjamin pushed down the handle. The door was open, and they separated immediately and started calling for Amber. She didn't respond. Benjamin froze when he heard Sara's scream. He sprinted to the upstairs bathroom, where he found Sara covering her mouth with her hands. His eyes followed Sara's stare and he saw Amber, lying lifeless in the bathtub. With panic in her eyes Sara turned to him. "What are we going to do?"

Benjamin's eyes flew across the room and registered two bottles of pills on the sink. "Call 911," he shouted at Sara and fell to his knees next to Amber. "Oh no, Amber," he cried, grabbing her hand and calling her name over and over again. "Amber, wake up, wake up! Please wake up." He listened to her chest but couldn't hear anything over his own pounding heart beating inside him. He pulled her out of the water and down on the floor, where he started doing the CPR he had learned in health class. "Come on, Amber, breathe," he said, doing compressions. He heard Sara talking on the phone, and kept doing CPR. "Please live, Amber, please." Finally he heard sirens coming closer.

When the paramedics came in, they took over and Benjamin was pushed out of the way. He stood in the corner looking completely lost as he watched Amber surrounded by emergency technicians.

"How many pills did she take?" One of them asked as they pulled her onto a stretcher and wrapped her in a blanket.

"I don't know." Benjamin looked at the glasses by the sink, and a paramedic picked them up and looked at the labels. He looked at Benjamin. "Are you her brother?"

"No, I'm her friend," he said, and the minute he said it, he felt sick to his stomach. He didn't deserve that title.

"Is her mom or dad here?" the paramedic asked.

Sara answered. "I talked to her mom just now. She is two hours away, but she's on her way back. Her dad lives in Michigan."

"Tell her mom that we are taking her to St. Helen's Hospital." The paramedic looked from Sara to Benjamin." Are either of you two over eighteen?"

"No." Benjamin said and looked confused.

"Okay, listen – normally we don't take minors with us, but since she is unconscious and her parents are not here, we will need one of you to come with us to answer questions."

"I will go with her," Benjamin said immediately and followed the paramedics.

Sitting up front in the ambulance, he couldn't stop images of Amber in the bathtub flashing through his mind. She had looked so pale, as if all color and life had vanished from her. His mind went back to her face glowing in the cafeteria and the way she would laugh and joke about stupid things that only the two of them could appreciate. Even Sara didn't always get his humor, but Amber did. She was so easy to be around; she was so wonderful and sweet. How could such a beautiful, smart girl end up here, lifeless and pale?

He felt an enormous weight of guilt crushing him as he thought about the way he had avoided her since the party. He hadn't known what to say or do. He hadn't known how to act around her anymore. Nothing was the same between them after that night.

Amber was so special to him. He had completely blown it. If he could only have ended his relationship with Sara before he kissed Amber, everything would have been different. He knew she was being bullied at school because of him and their kiss. He naively thought that if he stayed away from her, people would ease up and leave her alone. He figured that if they became a couple, Amber would be even more of a target. He had struggled since the party. Some of his peers didn't talk to him anymore, and others thought he was a real macho man. But it wasn't like that. He felt so confused.

He'd thought he had time – time to heal the wound and start fresh with Amber when everything cooled down. He had been thinking about her every day since that kiss. Her body, her breasts, her smell, and the way she had kissed him back. He longed to touch her again, but couldn't bear to do her any more harm. Benjamin realized now how wrong he had been for staying away. How could he have failed her when she needed him the most? "I am so sorry," He whispered without being heard.

#  CHAPTER 14  
How can I help?

When Joshua called his mom on the phone, she was in a meeting, but the concern in his voice convinced the operator to connect him to Amber's mom, Grace.

Joshua explained everything he knew, which was basically nothing, but Grace cut him off and said, "Thank you, I am calling her right now." One minute later, she called him back. "She's not picking up her phone. I am coming home, but it will take me a few hours. Can you go over and check on her, please?"

"Sure," Joshua responded.

"Okay. Ask her to call me right away, will you?" Grace sounded worried.

"Okay, I will," Josh assured her and called Sara to tell her about Amber's mom. Sara told him how the paramedics had just arrived and how she and Benjamin had found Amber in the tub. Sara was crying on the phone, and Joshua kept talking to her in a calm voice to keep her focused. "It's going to be all right, Sara, just stay where you are. I will be there in a few minutes, okay?" He drove as fast as he could, and when he got to the address, he found Sara sitting on the floor crying. She was alone, and between her abrupt sobs, he understood that the paramedics had just left and that Benjamin had gone with Amber in the ambulance.

Joshua sat down next to her, put his arms around her, and pulled her closer. She leaned her head on his chest and sobbed. Joshua stroked her hair. "It will be all right. She's in good hands now." He tried to comfort her. Finally, Sara's crying subsided and she looked up at him with frightened eyes. "Do you think she is dead?"

Joshua didn't know what to say, so he shook his head and dried away her tears, still admiring how beautiful she looked. He felt so protective of her and couldn't bear to see her so upset. Slowly he kissed her forehead. She sat there silently, completely in his care. "Thank you, Josh," she said and put her arms around his neck while leaning on his chest. "Thank you for coming, thank you for being here with me."

He smiled at her and admitted, "There is nowhere I would rather be." His words made Sara look at him, puzzled; but unable to dwell on the meaning of his words, she asked, "Can you take me to the hospital?" He nodded silently.

When they arrived at the hospital, they were sent to the waiting room. "Only family allowed; I'm sorry," the nurse said. Sara tried to call Ben, but he didn't pick up, so she sent him messages.

"I feel so guilty," she muttered, looking at Joshua, who led her to a corner and sat her down.

"What do you mean you feel guilty? You didn't give her those pills, did you?"

"No, of course not, but it's because of me she killed herself." Sara sighed.

"Hang on, she _tried_ to kill herself, right? Let's try to stay positive here."

"Everyone has been so hard on Amber since the party. I mean, anyone could see she was sad, and she tried to apologize to me, but I was too proud to accept her apology; if I had only..." Sara started crying again.

"Stop it, Sara," Josh pleaded gently. "Only Amber can say what went on in her mind. It may not have been about you at all."

"It was!" Sara brushed him off.

"What about Ben? She kissed him. Could it be that she was crazy about him and the reason she tried to commit suicide was because she couldn't have him?"

Sara looked up at Joshua with big eyes. "Do you think that's the reason?"

"It's possible," he said with a loving expression on his face. "I danced with a girl that night and even though I have tried, I can't get her out of my mind; I think about her smell, her skin, her eyes, her lips – I think about her a hundred times a day. If Amber feels the same way about Ben, I don't blame her for being miserable about not getting him."

Sara looked at Joshua. He danced with a girl. _What girl? Is he talking about me?_ Had he really been thinking about her a hundred times a day? Her heart skipped a beat. "Me?" she whispered in disbelief.

Joshua raised his eyebrows. "You know, Sara, for someone who is supposed to be awfully intelligent, you are pretty slow. Who else would I be talking about?" He looked at her earnestly. "Ever since you got lost that first day of school, I have wanted you."

Sara dried her eyes, looking fragile and honest. "But you make me so confused, Joshua. I never know if you like or dislike me."

Josh shook his head. "I didn't want to like you, Sara, but I always have. How could you not see that?"

She looked down. "I guess I couldn't believe that someone like you would be interested in someone like me," she finally explained.

Josh pulled back in surprise. "What? Why would you say that? You are totally out of my league, Sara."

"I'm what?" Sara looked at him like she couldn't believe what he was saying. "How can I be out of your league, when you're the dream boyfriend of every girl in school?"

Josh frowned. "That's not true, and you know it. You are super smart. I'm not. I only play the guitar."

Sara looked decisive and her eyes locked with his. "Well, that's good enough for me."

Her resolute words made his eyes widen, and a big smile spread across his face. "Does that mean what I think it means?" Joshua eyes were glowing with glee.

"What do you think it means?" Sara spoke the words slowly and looked into his magnetic green eyes.

"You and me." Joshua squeezed her hand with a beaming glow of happiness on his face.

"You and me." Sara smiled shyly, and the taste of those words made her heart do somersaults inside her.

Just as Joshua leaned over to kiss Sara, a small _bip_ sound interrupted, and Sara looked down at her phone. It was a text message from Ben. "Amber alive, staying with her till awake."

Sara jumped up. "She's alive. Josh, she's alive!"

#  CHAPTER 15  
New life

What was that noise? It wasn't her usual alarm clock; it was more persistent and beeped more persistently.

Someone should really stop that machine. It was getting on her nerves.

Amber slowly regained consciousness and opened her eyes enough to see bright light and white walls.

Is this heaven? Am I dead?

She tried to turn her head, but her body didn't react as well as it usually did. She opened her eyes a little more and looked around.

Unless heaven looked like a hospital room, she was not in heaven. How could that be?

She went through her plan again. Her mom was gone for a business meeting and wouldn't be home before late evening. She had taken all the pills. He had been in the bathtub. So how did she end up here?

She heard a sound. Someone was here with her. Slowly she turned her head and saw Benjamin sitting all quiet beside her, with a serious expression on his face that she had never seen before.

"Hi," she mumbled, feeling weak and distant.

"Hi," he responded and looked like someone who had been crying for hours.

"Is my mom here?" Amber asked softly.

"She's coming; she will be here any minute now," Ben responded and took her hand.

Amber felt dizzy. "Why are you here?" she asked very slowly, because speaking felt harder than normal.

Benjamin moved closer. "We found you."

"We?"

"Sara and me," he answered.

"How?" Amber couldn't collect her thoughts.

"She called you, remember?"

"No."

"You sounded slurred, so she called me and said she was worried about you. We rushed over and we... found you." Benjamin's voice was almost a whisper when he said the last words.

Amber's thoughts were painfully slow as she tried to wrap her mind around what had happened from when she had lost consciousness until this moment.

"But I was naked," she said and looked at Benjamin, who was happy to see a bit of color in her cheeks, as she blushed.

"Don't worry, I didn't look at you, Amber... not in that way, anyway," he reassured her.

Amber closed her eyes. It made sense. She knew how unattractive she had become. Of course he wouldn't look at her that way.

"Amber, we really need to talk. There is something I should have told you."

She didn't want to hear it. More rejections, more misery – she couldn't cope with more. She just wanted to go back to sleep.

"Oh, honey..." Amber's mom rushed through the door. Her hair was a mess, and her eyes were wild and red. She threw herself at Amber and started to cry.

Benjamin felt in the way, so he walked to the door and said, "Amber, I will come by later, okay?" He didn't hear Amber's reply over her mother's sobbing.

As Benjamin walked down the corridor, he passed the waiting room and saw Sara running to him.

"What happened? Is Amber okay?"

"She's fine," he answered with a pale, sad face.

"Can I see her?" Sara asked.

"Her mom is with her. I wanted to give them some privacy."

"Oh... okay. Tell me what happened." Sara pulled Benjamin to the corner where Joshua sat. The two guys nodded at each other, and Benjamin sat down.

"They pumped her stomach and gave her some antidote – charcoal. She only just woke up."

"Is she going to be alright?"

"I think so," Benjamin said slowly, looking down.

"So she will live, right?" Sara pleaded, trying to get more details out of Ben.

"Yes, unless she does something stupid again." He put his head in his hands.

Sara looked at Joshua, who got up. "I will leave you two for a minute," Joshua murmured and walked away. Sara turned her attention to Ben and watched tears fall down his face in waves.

"I feel guilty, too," she whispered.

"It's my fault," Ben insisted with a hoarse voice. "I should have been there for her."

"Me, too," Sara added.

"I'm so sorry." Ben sniffled.

Sara handed a Kleenex to Benjamin and gave him a hug. "She is alive. That is all that matters. So what are we going to do now?"

Benjamin looked up and brushed away his tears. "What we should have done from the beginning."

"What is that?" Sara looked at him.

"Be honest." He sighed. "You and I were childhood sweethearts, Sara. What we had together was a friendship, and we should have been honest with each other when we started realizing that there was more to love than just getting along well.

Sara didn't know what to say, so Benjamin continued. "I saw the way you looked at Joshua when you danced with him. You know what kind of feelings I am talking about."

Sara looked down and nodded slightly.

"I had those feelings for Amber, and I was in love with her for months before that party, but I didn't want to let you down."

Sara didn't know what to say. He was so right. He was always right.

"We should never have made that stupid pact."

"I know that now. I'm sorry," Sara said in a small voice. "What can I do now?" she asked Ben.

"Talk to Amber, be her friend. She needs her friends right now."

"Okay, I will, and you? What are you going to do?"

"Tell her how I feel about her." Benjamin had a tortured expression on his face "I don't know what else to do."

#  CHAPTER 16  
Finding friends

"Here you go, sweetheart." The nurse brought Amber the biggest balloon she had ever seen.

On the side of the balloon, letters said, _Get well_. Her mom smiled and said, "That's so sweet! Read the card. It's from your friends Sara and Benjamin."

Amber didn't say anything but closed her eyes and turned over. She just wanted to go back to sleep.

The next day, Amber still felt slow and apathetic. The doctor came to examine her and asked her a lot of questions that she didn't have the energy to answer.

"Why is she so weak?" she heard her mom ask.

"It's very normal after taking a large dose of Valium," he answered.

"How long will it last?"

"Give her a couple of days at least. It will get better."

"Is she going to be alright?"

"She is going to survive; however, there might be consequences of the overdose of Tylenol."

"What kind of consequences?" Her mother sounded concerned.

"In the last three years, we have treated around 450 girls and young women for Tylenol overdose in this hospital. Only one of them died." The doctor looked at Amber, who had fallen back asleep. "What the young people don't realize is that Tylenol doesn't offer the quick death they are looking for. Even with a substantial amount of pills and no treatment it would take a few days to die, and it would be a painful and cruel way to go. The liver can't break down the Tylenol, so it will be severely damaged. Most of the 450 women and girls are now being treated for liver damage, and many may need liver transplants down the road." He had a calming voice.

"Is Amber going to need a transplant?" Her mother had tears in her eyes.

"Luckily, Amber was found early. It won't be necessary. We pumped her stomach and got a lot of undigested pills out. It was the Valium that knocked her out. Do you know how she got access to Valium pills?"

"They are mine." She looked down and cried. "I have been going through a tough divorce, and I had them prescribed by my doctor. I never thought Amber would..." Her voice failed her as she began to cry heavily.

The doctor waited for her to calm herself before he got up to leave the room. "I would suggest you keep visitors at a minimum for the next few days. Amber needs to recover, and hopefully you can take her home on Friday."

The next few days, Amber kept drifting in and out of sleep. She would hear her mom talking on the phone. "That's so sweet of you, but she is not ready. Give her a few days." Confused thoughts went through her mind. She thought about school. Did everyone know, by now? Why were both Benjamin and Sara's names on the balloon? Why had Sara called her in the first place? She tried to pull herself out of the blur she was in.

"Good, you're awake." Her mom smiled at her. "Try to eat some of this."

Amber turned her head away; she had no appetite for food and no appetite for life.

"Who were you talking to?" she asked

"Oh, I have been talking to a lot of people. Everyone is so concerned for you. Your friend Sara has been calling, and Benjamin and Victoria, too. Look at all the flowers and balloons in here, honey; they are from your friends and family." Amber looked around and suddenly noticed balloons and flowers everywhere.

"They all want to come by and see you." Her mother smiled,

"They do?" Amber felt a tiny dash of happiness.

"Yes, they do, would you like that?"

"Mmm." She nodded.

"Good, I'll call them then, but first you need to eat something." Her mom offered a chocolate cookie, and Amber slowly took a bite. A relieved look came across her mother's face. "That's good, my dear, just keep eating."

First, Victoria came by to offer her support; she brought chocolates and told Amber about how everyone at school knew by now. It felt good to talk to Victoria, who even made her laugh, but she was still worried. "I don't know how I can ever go back to school," Amber said.

Victoria replied. "Just take one step at a time. That's all you can do."

"What if they say mean things to me again?"

Victoria tilted her head. "When I was a child, I used to love this one story about Buddha. Would you like to hear it?"

Amber nodded. "Sure."

"Okay," Victoria said, "Here it goes. Even when Buddha lived 2500 years ago, he was known by everyone for always being calm and balanced. One day, a man decided to come to Buddha's home up in the mountains to test his fortitude. He swore at Buddha, called him insulting names, and ridiculed him. Buddha sat calmly and smiled slightly, waiting for the man to stop.

"Eventually, the man realized he was not upsetting Buddha, and he stopped. Buddha asked the man if he would answer a question. The man, exasperated, nodded his head yes. Buddha then asked him, 'If a man wishes to give another man a gift and the gift is not accepted, to whom does the gift belong?' The man shook his head and answered, 'Why, to the man giving the gift.'

"Buddha smiled and responded, 'And if a man wishes to give another man an insult, and the insult is not accepted, to whom does the insult belong?'" Victoria looked at Amber with smiling eyes. "Do you get it?"

Amber nodded slowly "I think so."

"Great, then just do like Buddha if someone tries to put you down."

Amber looked insecure. "I don't know if I can do that, Vic."

Victoria moved closer, and with warm eyes she took Amber's hand. "You know, when I was seven, I felt bullied – a lot – in school."

"You?" Amber could hear the disbelief in her own voice.

"Yes, me. I relocated with my parents from Europe, and I didn't understand any English. I misunderstood a lot of social situations because of it. I felt really bullied, and I hated school."

"So what happened?"

"My parents convinced me to look at the situation differently. They told me to pretend that the kids bullying me were being paid by my parents to work for me."

"What? That doesn't make sense." Amber frowned.

Victoria smiled. "No, it did. They turned it into a game. I would pretend the kids were my trainers, and they could only win if they succeeded in making me lose my temper. My job was to win the game by not losing my temper or crying."

"But you never lose your temper, Vic, you are always so calm and happy," Amber exclaimed.

Victoria smiled. "I used to, all the time. But my bullies helped me a lot, because I would practice staying cool despite anything they would say or do to me."

"And did it work?"

"Yes, it did. And I remember when it all shifted. Five boys from my class had surrounded me during recess and they were saying everything they could think of to upset me. One of them shouted, 'Your guinea pig stinks and shits all over.'" Victoria smiled. "They knew how much I loved my guinea pig Oliver, because I had talked about him all the time in school. At first, I felt angry with them and wanted to defend my beloved guinea pig, but instead of getting upset, I laughed and said, 'You're right. He does shit all over.' That made all the other boys laugh out loud, and the bully went silent. I felt so powerful in that moment." Victoria had an expression of triumph on her face, as if she were back in that moment.

"I wouldn't mind either if people were talking about my guinea pig, but they are calling me a slut." Her voice cracked and Victoria instantly caressed her chin.

"But that's how it is, Amber. When you are six or seven, bullies can bring you down with mean comments like 'My dad is stronger than your dad' or 'My mom is prettier than your mom.' It's humiliating and hurtful enough to make you cry. But you grow stronger, and now you would laugh at that kind of juvenile bullying because you have matured and risen above it. Someone calling you a slut is no different – only slightly more advanced, but still juvenile and hurtful. You have to rise above it. It's the only way to win the game."

Amber was paying full attention. "How long did they bully you?"

"Once I learned to stand up for myself in a kind and assertive way using humor and kindness, it faded quickly. In fact, I ended up becoming friends with some of my bullies, who turned out to be nice kids, once I got to know them."

"So are you saying you want me to be friends with my bullies?" Amber looked with disbelief at Victoria.

"Not exactly. I'm just saying that you need to learn not to take it personally."

"But I hate it when they call me names, and I just want to get back at them."

"I know, but that would only make you a bully, too. Is that what you want?"

"No." Amber looked down.

"Then see them as trainers, and be thankful that you have them in your life. They serve a purpose."

Amber looked puzzled. "Hmm, maybe you're right..."

Victoria gave Amber a big smile. "How will you ever know that you have grown as a person if no one ever challenges you to show it?" She smiled. Amber looked at Victoria for a while without saying anything. This was a whole new approach, and she liked it. "I want to win the game, too," she said with determination.

"Great. Then school is the perfect place to train." She hugged Amber. "If you want to, we can eat lunch together."

"I would love that, but since summer vacation is in two weeks, my mom says I don't have to go back to school until next school year." There was relief in Amber's voice.

"Well then, we'll just have to have lunch in the park, won't we?" Victoria smiled, and Amber felt so much lighter in that moment; at least she had a friend in Victoria.

In the afternoon Sara and Benjamin came.

Benjamin looked pale. "Hey," he whispered.

"Hey." Amber felt her heart racing.

Sara went straight to her bedside and started apologizing. "I am so sorry, Amber."

Amber could see tears in her eyes and tried dismissing Sara's apologies with a small smile. "It's okay."

Sara took her hand. "No. It's not okay. We almost lost you." She started crying, and Benjamin came over and put his hand on Sara's back while he looked at Amber.

"I need a minute with Amber alone, okay, Sara?" Benjamin looked serious.

Sara nodded and dried her tears as she left the room.

Benjamin found it hard to look directly at Amber. "There is something I need to tell you," he told her again.

"Oh, no." Amber could feel herself resisting. Why couldn't he look her in her eyes? Suddenly, she realized what it was. He was back with Sara and he didn't know how to tell her. She thought of his hand on Sara's back and both their names on the balloon. Ben knew Amber liked him, she told herself. He knew she was fragile. No wonder he found it hard to tell her. Her heart turned to stone as she looked at him with a hard expression. "I don't want to hear it."

"But I need to tell you," he pleaded.

"I don't want to hear it. Just leave me alone." Amber turned her head, so he couldn't see the tears in her eyes.

"But, Amber!" he exclaimed in despair.

"Go away," she said and turned her back to him. Benjamin stood speechless, looking at Amber's back. Why didn't she want to listen to him? He turned around and left the hospital with heavy thoughts and his head down.

Sara saw him leave from a distance and went back into Amber's room.

"So, how did it go?" she asked with a smile.

Amber was lying on her side, crying.

"Oh no! What happened?" Sara hurried to her side. "What did he say to you?"

"He didn't say anything, because I didn't want to hear it."

Sara looked shocked. "So you don't know?"

"I know, alright," she sniffled. "How long have you two been back together?"

Sara suddenly understood what was going on. "You thought Benjamin and I were back together?" She put her hand on Amber's arm and pulled her around on her back. "Look at me, Amber. Benjamin loves you!"

"What?" Amber looked at Sara with confusion.

"He tried to tell you... He has been crazy about you for months. He just didn't handle it very well."

Amber's eyes sparked with hope and she whispered, "He has?"

"Of course he has. And you two belong together." Sara smiled at Amber.

"We do?" Amber sat up in the bed. "But would you be okay with it?"

"Definitely." She was bursting to tell Amber about herself and Joshua.

"What?" Amber could see something was up on Sara's face. "What is it?"

Sara couldn't stand still. "Josh; it's Josh," she said with the biggest infectious smile on her face. "I am so happy."

Amber looked surprised "When did that happen?"

"A few days ago, here at the hospital." Suddenly Sara stopped. "Oh, my God. I can totally hear how that sounds. You were lying here fighting for your life, and I was falling in love with Josh in the waiting room. I am such a bad person." She looked distressed.

Amber started laughing. "I am happy my stupidity led to something good. At least it brought you two together."

"Don't call yourself stupid. You're not." Sara looked at her.

"Fine, but then don't call yourself bad. You're not."

They looked at each other and started to laugh, and Sara hugged Amber. "I am so happy you're here. Don't scare us like that again, okay?"

"Okay," Amber replied.

"And call Benjamin, okay?"

"Okay." Amber smiled at her.

"We wouldn't want anyone else to do stupid things because of love, right?"

"Right." Amber smiled again and waved at Sara as she walked out. She found her cell phone and wrote a text message to Benjamin. "Sorry, I should have listened, r u ok?" She waited and got butterflies in her stomach when she saw the reply. "Be there in 5." Her mom walked in the door in that moment with the nurse. She quickly wrote a reply. "No, I'll call you later."

She thought back on Victoria's mom's advice. She had surely been in hell, and now she was coming out on the other side. "Mom, I want to go home and change. I look like crap." Amber swung her legs over the side. Her mom looked astonished at Amber. What had happened? Suddenly she was full of determination and looked like a girl with a mission.

She decided not to worry about it and just felt happy to see her old Amber back again.

#  CHAPTER 17  
The concert

TUA was playing a concert at the Old Train Station and Amber was going with Sara, Benjamin, and Victoria, whose sister Elizabeth kindly offered to give them a ride, since she was going to the concert anyway.

Amber did everything she could to look good. She was still too skinny, but with her favorite dress on, her hair styled and a little make-up, she was pleased with the result. Her mom, however, didn't approve of her going to the concert at all. "You just came home from the hospital ten days ago," she argued. "There's no way you are going to a concert."

"I am going!" Amber's eyes were glowing with determination, and finally her mom had agreed to let her go.

"But what if you get upset or sad about something," her mom said with concern.

"Don't worry, Mom. I can win this game."

"Game? What game?" Her mother shouted after her as she ran out the door to the car waiting outside.

"Thank you for giving us a ride!" Amber said to Elizabeth.

"Hey, I'm just happy to see you," Elizabeth answered with a big smile while Amber got into the back seat with Victoria and Sara. Benjamin was in the passenger seat, and as he turned around to say hi, Amber's heart was flying. They still hadn't really had time to talk, just the two of them, because her dad had flown in from Michigan and completely covered her with fatherly concern and love.

When they got to the Old Train Station, there was a long line of people waiting to get into the concert. Sara texted Joshua, who had invited her to come. "We're here."

He responded within the minute. "U R all on the list." His message had them go around the long line of people to the doorman, who scanned the list of VIPs and nodded. He opened the door for them.

"Hey, that's not fair," someone in the line complained. Sara felt like royalty. This was her first concert ever and she loved the special treatment. They got good spots up in front of the stage, and before long the music started playing loudly. Sara turned around to see the crowd go crazy when Joshua came onto the stage. He looked amazing with his rock star outfit and his guitar. Her heart was beating fast as she heard the girls scream at him. If they only knew that he belonged to her.

* * * * *

Joshua felt the support from the crowd. They had sold 1500 tickets tonight and the crowd members were standing close to fit into the room. The person he cared most about in the room was Sara, and he knew she was here. Watching him!

He skimmed the room but couldn't see her among all the screaming girls reaching out for him.

The band was in their zone tonight, completely in sync, and there was a magical atmosphere in the room. He went to the front of the stage and felt hands reaching for him. Just as he moved back a bit to avoid being pulled into the crowd by the fans, he saw her. She was smiling up at him, and his heart melted. His Sara. His, his, only his. He heard and saw none of the screaming girls; he could see only beautiful, sweet, innocent Sara.

* * * * *

Amber was moving to the music. It was her first TUA concert, and she liked it. Josh's voice was amazing, and his fluid vocal range impressed her. The music had a cool beat and good rhythm to it, and the four guys looked so comfortable up on the stage, as if they'd been performing like this for years. Benjamin had gone to get some drinks, and she took the chance to follow him. She found him by the bar. "Do you need help carrying?" Amber asked, and he handed her a couple of water bottles.

"I wanted to talk to you," he said with a serious expression.

"I know." She nodded.

"Come with me." He looked around and headed to a staircase that led away from the concert hall. They went up the staircase and found a quiet area with benches.

"I want to apologize," Benjamin said and sat down on the bench.

Amber sat down next to him.

"I was such a fool. I thought if I left you alone, people would back off and stop bullying you, and I thought we had time to..."

"To what?" Amber raised her eyebrows.

"To get together," Benjamin said in a low voice, looking down.

"What did you say?" The music was playing in the background, so Amber couldn't hear him. She leaned forward. "Can you repeat that?" Benjamin felt her coming closer and saw her lips moving as she spoke to him, but he could think only to kiss her. He reached for the back of her head and pulled her close with a deep kiss. She kissed him back, and their bodies exploded in feelings, desire, and relief.

"No, wait." He shouted over the music, while he leaned away from her. "I want to do it right, this time." He calmed himself down and looked Amber in the eyes. "Amber, will you be my girlfriend?"

She smiled. "No picture of a race car?"

"No, I'm afraid this time I have nothing to impress you with." He smiled.

"I would still love to be your girlfriend," Amber said with a big smile and a bigger hug.

Sara was happy to see Amber and Benjamin join them, hand in hand. They looked so sweet together, and she felt so happy for them. They had missed most of the concert, but from the joy in their eyes, it seemed like they had spent the time wisely.

After the concert, she waited for Joshua to finish signing autographs and taking pictures with the rest of the guys in the band. Victoria and her sister had to go right after the concert, because the car was double-parked and blocking other cars from leaving. Amber and Benjamin didn't want to miss their ride, so they went with the Queenies. Sara couldn't leave without talking to Joshua, and she had money for a cab in her pocket. She said goodbye to her friends. "Are you sure you don't want to come?" Victoria asked.

"Absolutely. I'll be fine," Sara assured her and smiled at Amber and Benjamin, who looked so happy together. Sara stayed in the background and waited until Joshua was finally done talking to all the fans who had been surrounding him. His eyes were searching for her, and she could see his relief when he found her waiting in the background. "I was afraid you had left."

"No, I wanted to say hi." Sara smiled at him.

He tilted his head and looked at her with a pleased expression. "Hi."

Sara suddenly felt shy and awkward and had no idea about what to say or do.

"The guys are going to get some pizza somewhere. Do you want to come?" he asked her.

"No, I think I should get home. I promised my mom I'd come home straight after the concert."

"How are you getting home?" Joshua asked, wrinkling his eyebrows and looking around the almost-empty concert hall.

"I'll take a cab," Sara answered.

The mere thought of Sara alone at night, getting a cab and riding with a stranger, made Joshua uncomfortable. "You are not getting a cab. I am taking you home," he answered.

As they walked out to the parking lot, only a few cars were left. He opened the door for her and she got into his car. It was dark, and Sara was not well educated about cars, but she could tell it was a convertible and she recognized the symbol of a stallion. "What car is this?" she asked, curious.

"A Ford Mustang," Joshua answered.

"It looks new," she noted and looked around. The car still had that new-leather smell.

"It is. I just got it a few weeks ago."

"You got it?" Sara sounded impressed.

"Yeah, my parents gave it to me as a present." Joshua gave her a quick smile. "My father always dreamed of having a Ford Mustang when he was my age, but back then he couldn't afford one." Joshua pulled out from the parking lot.

"So does he have one now, then?" Sara asked.

Joshua laughed. "No, I don't think it would fit his image anymore, but he has always been very interested in cars. Now he drives an Aston Martin."

"Is that a cool car?" Sara had no clue, and smiled when Joshua turned his head again and grinned at her. "Yes, it's a cool car."

"So are you saying he gave you this car because he wanted one when he was your age?"

"I guess, and because my mom was getting unhappy about sharing her Tesla with me."

"Is a Tesla a car?" Sara was completely out of her zone with this talk about cars, and she promised herself she would read up on the subject, so she could appear cooler in future conversations.

But Joshua seemed to find her ignorance cute and kept smiling. "Yes, a Tesla is a car, Sara, a nice car that runs on electricity. It's silent and has a nice design."

Sara nodded and didn't know what to say. She wanted to change the subject.

Joshua sensed her discomfort and continued. "But my parents didn't just give the car to me. It was my seventeenth birthday present."

Sara turned and starred at him. "So it was your birthday a couple of weeks ago?"

"Yes, May 22."

"Why didn't you tell me?" Sara asked.

"Well, we didn't really talk much then, remember?" He smiled at her.

"But I didn't get you a birthday present," Sara said apologetically.

"I didn't give you one for your birthday, either," he said, laughing.

"That was half a year ago. Don't worry about that. But you just had yours, so I can still make it. What would you like for your birthday?" she asked him.

"I'll have to think about that." Joshua was still laughing.

As they drove through the night, they talked about his music and about the band. Talking felt so easy, and they laughed a lot together.

"I wonder what your screaming fans would think if they knew you were giving me a ride home," Sara said, laughing.

"They would probably kill you for stealing me away." He smiled and felt happy to be alone with Sara.

"Then you'd better be worth dying for," she said, a little more seriously than she had intended.

"It was a joke." Joshua pulled over a few houses from where she lived. "You know that, right? I would never let anyone hurt you, Sara." His green eyes once again locked hers in a firm grip, and she couldn't escape the hypnotic feeling of wanting to be close to him.

"I know what I want for my birthday now," he said, without losing eye contact. "I want you."

His words broke the spell between them and she completely panicked. What did he mean by that – did he mean that he wanted to have sex with her? She wasn't ready for that! Suddenly she felt a cold chill down her spine. She was over her head here, and there was no way she could satisfy Joshua's needs; who was she trying to fool?

"Sara, look at me," he said in a commanding voice. She complied. "I don't know what just happened, but I can see you are panicking. Talk to me."

"What do you mean, you want me?" she said quickly, and was surprised by her own courage.

He looked at her with a puzzled expression. "I want to have you, Sara, as my girlfriend. I want to kiss you; I want to make love to you. Is that wrong?"

Sara felt dry in her throat. "No, but I'm just not ready for that." Sara looked down and felt miserable.

"You don't want to be my girlfriend?" Joshua's voice sounded all wrong.

"I do. But I'm not ready to have sex yet." Sara couldn't get herself to look at him.

Joshua didn't say anything for a while, and Sara felt like her world was falling apart around her. So close to having the perfect life – the perfect boyfriend – and now she was about to lose it all. "Are you a virgin, Sara?" Joshua broke the silence.

Feeling humiliated by the situation, she nodded and looked away.

"But I assumed that you and Ben..."

"No, never." Sara shook her head but didn't dare to look up.

Joshua leaned over, and with a finger under her chin he lifted her head and looked into her eyes. "I'm so sorry, Sara, if I scared you. Don't worry about it. When you are ready, I will be right here waiting for you. I'm not going anywhere."

"Really?" Sara felt like swimming in his big green eyes.

"Really," he confirmed with a smile.

"In that case, my present for you this year" – Sara smiled – "will be our first kiss."

It was the most wonderful and breathtaking kiss she had ever experienced. She felt him biting her lips softly and his tongue playfully moving around hers. Her whole body was so filled with lust for him, and he could feel it.

Joshua had been drawn to Sara's innocence from the beginning, but now that she had told him she was a virgin, he felt even more in love with her. To him, she was perfection, and he didn't mind waiting for her. For a girl like Sara, patience was a small price to pay.

"This was the best seventeenth birthday present ever," Joshua exclaimed with a big smile. "I can't wait till my eighteenth birthday."

#  CHAPTER 18  
Summer vacation

"Let go of me." Joshua's eyes were lightning as he looked at his father. He could see anger in his father's eyes. He wanted to escape his lame parents and their constant nagging, but his father had a firm grip on his arm.

"You will go back right now and explain yourself to your mom and to me.," His father demanded.

"Fine!" Joshua sneered and shook off his father's hand as he turned and went back to the dining table, where his mom sat, observing the situation tensely. They all sat in silence for a few moments, and Joshua was determined not to be the first one to speak.

"Joshua, darling, your father and I have both worked very hard to get to where we are now. It took me years to pay off my student loans, and your father had to work two jobs to put himself through college. We are offering you a fully paid university degree, and you are not interested. It doesn't make sense to us."

Joshua kept staring down at the table, thinking _Here we go again_ , until his father leaned over and said loudly, "You will look at your mom when she speaks to you." As Joshua raised his head to look at her, he saw her facial muscles contract with tension. _She's a hardcore attorney. Used to arguing and winning her case_. Joshua could see how the fact that her son wouldn't give in to her reasoning was driving her crazy. She couldn't appeal to a judge. She couldn't persuade him with evidence and witness statements. If he chose not to go to college, there was nothing she could do about it, and it was a hard pill for her to swallow. "You are throwing your life away. You know that, right?" Joshua's father was still shouting.

"I am not going to college. I am going to focus on my music and pursue a record deal with my band." He was trying his best to control his voice.

"And if that doesn't work out? Then what? How are you going to make a living? What kind of future will you have?" His mother sounded more concerned than angry for a moment.

"I don't know, and I don't have to know. I still have my senior year to figure it out. I just know that as soon as high school is over, I want to follow my dream and become a full-time musician."

Joshua's father got up. He was clearly agitated. "Josh, don't be so naive! Go to Hollywood and ask any waiter there, and they will all tell you the same story. They all wanted to become actors, dancers, or rock stars, and they all ended up serving burgers instead. Is that what you want?"

His father had raised his voice again, and this time it made Joshua lose his temper. "I'm not them! And you can't scare me into giving up on my dreams. This is who I am!" he shouted at his father and got up, too. They were like two male gorillas as they faced each other with narrowed eyes, pressing their fists into the table between them. This was a power struggle, and throughout his life, Joshua had backed down and given in to his father's authority. But this time it was different.

"We just want you to be happy, Joshua." His mother reached out her arm to calm him down, and it made Joshua turns his attention to her instead.

"Really, is that you want? It sure doesn't feel that way. It feels like you want _me_ to make _you_ happy!"

His mom looked hurt. "That's not true at all. We understand that you have a dream, and you can still play music, but having an education to fall back on is the smartest thing to do."

Joshua hated this conversation. College was all his parents could talk about, and the summer was almost over. They had offered to travel with him to check out different schools and help him with applications, but he wasn't interested at all. He knew what he wanted to do after high school, and there was no way his parents could change his mind. The band had great potential. They were already local celebrities, and he knew they could make it nationally if they could get their songs on the radio.

"Could you at least apply, in case you change your mind?" Joshua's father had recovered his cool. The last two months had been an endless clash over the issue, and Joshua was sick and tired of it.

"I'll think about it," he growled and walked away from the table. Even though he couldn't see his parents' faces, he knew they were looking at each other victoriously. Getting him to think about it was half a victory in their world. They were like wolves. The smallest scent of blood and they would never let go. Joshua knew his promise to think about it would buy him only a day or two of peace and quiet. There was no way these two brilliant academics would see their only son – how did they say it? – _waste his life on music_. If he wanted to enjoy the rest of his summer and his senior year in high school, he would have to say yes to applying to a university. It didn't change anything for him, though. He was still not going. He was just throwing them a bone to get them off his back.

Alone in his room, Joshua instantly checked his phone. He hadn't heard from Sara all day, and he was getting irritated with her. Why didn't she respond when he had left her five messages? He tried to call her but only got her voicemail, so he hung up and texted her instead. "Where are you?" Lying on his bed, he felt restless and so full of irritation. Why were his parents so persistent? They didn't care about his dreams at all; it was all about their dreams, and sometimes he felt like a pet project of theirs. Two successful people who barely had a life outside of the office – how could they talk about happiness?

Joshua never saw them enjoy life at all. His vision of happiness was different from theirs, and he wished they could just support him and be happy for him. Joshua thought about great musicians throughout history and wondered if Jimi Hendrix, Elvis, or even Bruno Mars had supportive families. He wondered how many great musicians the world had missed out on because they gave up on their dreams and became mediocre doctors or lawyers instead. Joshua had never been strong academically, and he feared that more years with books, teachers, and school wouldn't change that. If he did go to college, it would be a constant battle to keep his grades up. _If only my parents had been musicians, they would understand. They would even support me and be proud of me_.

A thought crossed Joshua's mind. His father had been adopted as an infant by a lawyer and his wife. They had recognized his father's talent for debating and supported him in becoming a lawyer himself. But what if his father had been adopted into a musical family? They would have disliked his argumentative, stubborn personality and found him rude and obnoxious. What if they preferred a sensitive and artistic child instead? What if they had tried to make him give up studying law and tried to convince him to become an artist instead? Would he have done it?

Joshua acknowledged that his father had worked extremely hard to get to where he was today. When he was twelve, his father (Josh's grandfather) died, and his mother bore heavy medical debts. She couldn't pay the mortgage. After that, Josh's dad had lived a humble life, and without parents to pay for his law school, he had gotten through on grants, scholarships, and two part-time jobs. But he was gifted and motivated and had graduated with honors.

Joshua looked around and saw a room full of electronic gadgets and expensive musical instruments. He certainly didn't lack anything materially, and it seemed that his parents were trying to give him everything they didn't have as children. Yet he would happily swap it all for supportive parents who understood what he was passionate about.

His phone lit up, and he read Sara's message eagerly. "Sorry! Phone was dead, I was out shopping with Amber, r u mad?"

He didn't want to fight with her, too, but he did feel a little mad that she hadn't called him from Amber's phone. He was thinking about what to respond when another message from Sara ticked in. "Please don't be mad. I miss u!"

Arrghh. There was no way he could be mad at her. He just wanted to hold her, smell her hair, kiss her, and hear her wonderful laughter. Sara was like an obsession for him. Ever since they got together in May, he had been on a cloud of happiness. She was so perfect and so damn smart, yet so innocent and fragile, which gave him the strongest urge to protect her from everything. She adored him, and he loved the look in her eyes when he played guitar or piano for her. Sara admired him and supported his dream of a career in music. When Joshua was with Sara, the world was perfect. "Not mad, want to c u!" he wrote with a smile.

* * * *

Sara read his text with a relieved sigh. She had been out shopping and had completely forgotten about time. Joshua could be so persistent when he wanted to know where she was, and she felt bad that he had worried about her. Being Joshua's girlfriend was different from being Benjamin's girlfriend. She was still trying to get used to it. All Joshua's giggling fans at school hated her, and they threw angry looks in her direction whenever she passed them in the hallway. Suddenly, everyone seemed to know her at school. She was Joshua's girlfriend, not just Sara Singh.

Although Sara was proud to be Joshua's girlfriend, she didn't want that to be her identity, so she tried to tone it down and keep their relationship off school premises.

Sometimes, Joshua would get upset with her because she didn't act affectionately around him at school. He would question her commitment, but for Sara, showing feelings in public was difficult and not something she was accustomed too.

Dealing with the gossip and backstabbing from his fans was bad enough, but overcoming her shyness about displaying her emotions was worse; so for now, she chose to lie low at school, even though Joshua complained that she was acting cold.

"Meet me in 10, our place," Sara wrote and hurried to get ready. Joshua had shown her a tree house in a forest not far from where they both lived. It was a place where he used to play as a child, and now they would hang out and talk for hours in their own private getaway, hidden from his fans, their parents and the world.

Ten minutes later she met with Joshua. "I brought snacks," she informed him.

"Thanks." Josh held her close for a minute and took in the scent of her hair, before releasing her.

"Are you okay?" She looked at him, concerned.

"Yeah, it's nothing, I just had another fight with my parents."

"About school?"

"Yeah."

"So what are you going to do?" Sara asked and handed him a bag of yogurt pretzels.

"I told them I would think about it."

"Really?" Sara raised her eyebrows in surprise. "So you are applying for college?"

"No, not really. It doesn't change anything; I am still going with my plan." Joshua smiled vaguely.

Sara's big brown eyes were following Joshua's mouth as he spoke, and per default her lips parted slightly. She couldn't help it – he was magnetic to her, and she was just waiting for him to kiss her. Joshua saw her expression, broke into a boyish smile, and took the invitation. Soon, all talk about parents and homework was left behind for kissing and laughing.

"You make me crazy, Sara. You know that, right?"

Sara chuckled. "I thought I made you smart! After all, I did help you study for your finals, right?"

"And I have thanked you a million times, remember? You sure did wonders for my report card, but that was before summer, and now you are driving me crazy with your sweet lips and your beautiful eyes. I just want to kiss you all day long."

"Then why don't you?" Sara closed her eyes with a big smile as she leaned back and laid her head on the wooden floor of the tree house. Joshua watched her and felt his hormones surge through his body. He desired her so much, and it was a struggle for him to take it slow and respect the fact that Sara wasn't ready to have sex yet. He was seventeen and had a burning desire to make love to her. She could be so inviting and playful, and he felt so aroused when they kissed and cuddled. Sara was so indescribably hot, and every night, he had fantasies about making love to her in the tree house. He leaned over and kissed her deeply as he lay down beside her and pulled her closer.

"I want to eat you," he whispered in her ear and received a wonderful giggle from Sara, who pulled her head back and gave him access to her neck and chest. He kissed her slowly and bit her earlobe before making his way down to her chest, planting soft kisses all the way. He put his hands on her cardigan buttons, looking for permission in her eyes. Sara followed his every move and felt butterflies in her stomach. He had tried to open her blouse before, and she had always stopped him, but this time she felt ready, and she watched him unbutton and pull aside her cardigan without breaking eye contact with her.

Suddenly, she felt embarrassed and naked with her bra exposed, so she pulled him down on top of her and kissed him again. She could feel his t-shirt against her bare skin, and his breathing told her that he was turned on. Her femininity was fully awake, and part of her wanted more, but another part was shy. She felt him grabbing her arms and raising them above her head in a strong and demanding grip. He wanted to see her, and Sara had to look away with embarrassment as he leaned back to watch her. "You are so beautiful, Sara," Joshua said, leaning back down quickly to cover her. "Why are you so shy about your body?" he asked as he turned her head with his hand.

"I don't know," she said and couldn't look at him.

"Look at me, Sara." Joshua had an insistent tone that made her look at him. "You are the most gorgeous girl I have ever seen, and you and your body are perfect."

She smiled a grateful smile and hugged him tight. "Thank you, Josh."

Sara felt the need to change the subject and pulled her cardigan together. "I have to be home for dinner by six. Will you walk with me?" Joshua looked disappointed; he had hoped for more time, and today had been special, as she had trusted him enough to show him more of her beautiful body. He smiled and looked at his watch. "That leaves us with fifty minutes." He kissed her again.

Walking home, they talked about Sara's day with Amber. "So, how is Amber?" Joshua asked.

"Oh, you know; better, I think." Sara didn't really know what to say, because Amber still wasn't as cheerful and happy as Sara would have liked. Since the suicide attempt, Amber had been different, even more introverted than before. It seemed she only trusted a few friends and kept most people at a distance. Amber hadn't been back to school since that day, either. She had stayed home the last few weeks before summer, and Sara knew Amber was nervous about starting school again. "I think she is ashamed of what happened. She doesn't like to talk about it." Sara looked at Joshua.

"Give her time," he said gently. "It's only been a few months." As they reached Sara's street, he stopped, pulled her into his arms, and held her for a moment. "I really, really like you, Sara." With her head resting on his chest, Sara felt bubbles in her stomach. _How did I get so lucky?_

#  CHAPTER 19  
Amber's summer

Amber had just returned to Seattle after spending a month with her dad. Seeing old friends from Michigan and hanging with her dad was great. But she missed Benjamin and had driven her father crazy by texting him endlessly.

Amber's father had taken two weeks off from work, and they had gone to visit relatives in Canada. Her grandparents and aunt had gone out of their way to make everything perfect for her. It felt like everyone was walking on eggshells, and no one dared mention her suicide attempt.

Her two young cousins didn't know about it and acted bratty, as usual. At least that part of her world hadn't changed. Her father had tried to bring up her suicide attempt on the long drive up from Michigan to Waterloo, but she didn't feel comfortable talking to him about it. He talked about how he blamed it on the divorce and how it would have never happened if he had been around. Amber knew he felt guilty and wished he wouldn't, but at the same time she felt no need to involve him in her love life by telling him about the fatal evening when she and Benjamin had kissed and Sara had found out, so she said as little about it as possible. He knew she had felt bullied and alone, and he reckoned it was because she was the new girl in town. "Did you know that in Canada, they have a national anti-bullying day?" he asked her.

"No." She turned her head to look out of the window and to signal that she didn't really want to talk about this anymore.

"It's true! I think it's the last Monday in February, or wait, no, maybe it's the last Wednesday."

Amber didn't respond. This was so typical for her dad – every detail was important, and he always interrupted his own stories trying to get an insignificant detail right. Sometimes, he would have to look up that small detail before continuing with his story.

"We will have to look that up. Maybe you could do that on your phone?" he suggested and waited. When he didn't get a response from Amber, he continued. "So anyway, the story behind the bullying day is really cool, because there was this guy who started his freshman year wearing a pink shirt to school. He got bullied because of the shirt. Then, two of his classmates... Or maybe they were his friends. Hmm. I am not sure... but anyway, they went out and bought fifty pink shirts and handed them out at school."

Amber looked at her father. "And did that help?"

"I guess so; now it's a national 'pink shirt day' against bullying. Cool, right?"

Amber nodded. Though her dad's carrying on bothered her, she was impressed by the story.

"It's all about having the right friends," her father said.

Amber looked out the window again, and thought about her friends: how Benjamin and Sara had saved her life, and how it made her feel grateful. She pushed the thought away, because thinking about that day always made her sad. She changed her focus, admiring the beautiful scenery as they drove. Nature here in Michigan was so different from Seattle. All the flat fields they passed were a contrast to the mountain landscape in Seattle, and she couldn't decide which she liked the best. She wondered what Benjamin would think of it. She missed him so much!

When Amber finally got home from seeing her father, Benjamin had just left town to go to something called "Survival Camp."

-He had talked about it for months, and she knew it was something he had looked forward to, but she just wished it had happened while she was gone, too. Their timing was awful! He was somewhere in the Olympic Rainforest, four hours west of Seattle, with a group of young Native Americans. They would survive only on what they could find and hunt in the wild, and Benjamin thought that the experience would help him connect to his roots. Amber smiled; she loved that about him: his interest in history and social studies, combined with his desire to learn more about his Native American heritage.

With an artist mother and a father who was an independent contractor, Benjamin lived a life far away from the Indian reservations – a comfy lifestyle among an international community. His mother was Native American and had been raised on a reservation, and although her artwork did show a connection to her past, she herself seemed uninterested in that part of her life. His father would joke and say that she had married the best-looking paleface in town, and Benjamin could tell his mom enjoyed her life in the suburbs. It was clear that her childhood had been anything but easy, and that she had some good reasons not to want to see her relatives or her childhood home anymore.

Benjamin, however, always took pride in his ancestors and wanted to know more about them. When he talked about going on a survival camp with other young Native Americans, he said, "It'll be like having a time machine." _Time travel_ , Amber smiled, _to learn how his ancestors lived their lives_.

Amber looked at her phone. Six days without a sign of life was like a Benjamin detox, not something she wanted to go through again. Good thing he was coming back tomorrow, and she could finally give him a hug again. She laughed as she thought about how bad he probably smelled by now. _I wouldn't even care_ , she thought, _I would still hug and kiss him_.

Her mom brought her back to the here and now with her sudden appearance in Amber's doorway. "Are you ready for school?"

"Mmm." Amber nodded and looked up at her mom. She couldn't help thinking that her mom looked older than she really was. Being a single mom, working in the law firm, getting through the divorce, and realizing her daughter was unhappy enough to attempt suicide had aged her five years in one. Amber hated that her mom treated her like a fragile vase and tried to cheer her up constantly. The smile on her mom's face was not real – it was covering the worry and sadness that filled her. She was trying too hard, and it made Amber feel that she could never unload her troubles with her mom, because her mom was already carrying a heavy load of her own. Her mom Grace, came in and sat down on Amber's bed. "Honey, there is someone I want you to meet."

"Right now?" Amber looked confused.

"No, no – tomorrow." Grace smiled.

"Sure, who is it?"

"It's my coach." Her mom's voice was friendly.

"Seriously, Mom, you want me to see your counselor?" Amber replied, looking away.

"She is not a counselor, sweetie, she is a coach."

"Why do I have to meet her?" Amber was alert and on the defensive. "I don't need a coach."

"Just meet with her once, okay? For me?" Grace looked at her with pleading eyes. "Her name is Marie, and she has helped me a lot. I know you will like her."

"When?"

"At 10 a.m.; she will call you on Skype."

"Doesn't she have an office?" Amber asked in a condescending tone.

"I am sure she does," Grace laughed. "But she lives in Nice, France, so you would have to leave early to get there by 10 a.m." Her mom got up, and to end the talk, she said, "Having a coach is a great thing. Every world champion has one, remember?"

Amber watched her mom leave the room and thought to herself, _I'm not a world champion and I don't want a coach_. She decided not to let this French lady ruin her good Sunday. After all, Benjamin was coming back in the afternoon, and that was all that mattered.

#  CHAPTER 20  
Coming home

Benjamin was more than ready to go home after eight days in the wilderness of the Olympic Rainforest. Somehow, sleeping in the wild and eating berries, fish, and rabbits was a lot more intriguing in a catalogue than in actual life. He longed for a Coke and a home-cooked meal. He smelled worse than he cared to admit, had at least fifty mosquito bites, and was so tired that he felt like sleeping for a year. One of the good parts, though, was all the great friends he had made and the stories they had shared around the campfire at night.

In three hours, he would be home, and he had his priorities straight. First thing: take a shower. Second thing: call Amber. And third thing: eat, eat, eat. It was Sunday, and tomorrow he was starting high school as a sophomore. He remembered how nervous he had been to start last year as a freshman, and he thought about the pact he and Sara had made together. Last school year had been crazy, and he wished he could change a lot of the things that had happened.

He wished he had been there for Amber when she had needed him and felt rejected and alone. It was a miracle that Sara had called her at the moment when she had taken all the pills, and he was deeply thankful that the doctors had managed to save her life. He couldn't imagine life without Amber. She was the first thing on his mind in the morning when he woke up and the last thing before he went to sleep. Even when he was hanging out with his friends at the ramp or playing videogames, he felt she was a part of him.

They had been together as much as they could before their summer plans had kept them apart for almost six weeks. It felt like a year, and he thought about all the texting between them, smiling at how witty and sexy Amber could be. Even from two thousand miles away, Amber turned him on with her messages. Somehow, being far apart made it easier to talk about all the things they would do to each other if they were together.

He wondered if she was really ready to do the things they had texted about. It was a world apart from his relationship with Sara, who had shown no interest in exploring that part of life with him. Amber was so different, and he knew she genuinely desired him. But would she go all the way? He would never pressure her, but with every fiber of his body he hoped she would, because his desire for her had built up over so long that he felt like he was going to burst. He would take anything she offered him; he was so madly in love with her.

When the van pulled up, Benjamin's parents were excited to see him, and to his surprise, Amber was there, too. He was torn between feeling bad about how he looked (and smelled) and being overjoyed to see her pretty face. She looked healthy and glowing, and she smiled at him with such love and affection.

"I was going to call you after I had a shower!" Benjamin said to Amber, looking down at himself with an apologetic smile. She laughingly rose on her toes, so her lips could reach his ears for a whisper. "I wish I could join you in the shower." He looked at her with surprise, and his facial expression made her laugh even more. "Call me when you are ready to hang out, okay?" Amber turned around to walk away. Benjamin stood paralyzed and watched her leave until his parents bombarded him with questions and led him to the house. One quick shower, one quick parental update, and three of his mom's sandwiches later, Benjamin was out the door to see Amber. They hung out in her room and talked about his adventure in the rainforest.

"So what did you eat out there?" Amber asked curiously.

"Well, we caught fish and rabbits and found berries and plants that we could eat."

"Sounds disgusting. You must have been starving!" Amber wrinkled her nose.

Benjamin smiled and made a proud gesture. "Oh, you know – it's in my blood to survive in nature. I'm a natural hunter."

"Great – so if we ever end up in the wilderness together, you can be my Tarzan."

Benjamin pushed his chest forward, pounding it and laughing. "I will be Tarzan, and you can be Cheetah." Amber hit him hard on his shoulder, trying to hide her smile. "I don't want to be a monkey... obviously, I will be the lovely Jane."

"Obviously!" Ben leaned over and kissed her.

"Hey, I want to know everything that happened while we were apart." Benjamin smiled.

Amber told him about Michigan, her dad, her cousins, and she even told him that her mom had made her talk to a coach.

"Cool. What is she like?" Benjamin asked.

"What do you mean by 'cool'? I thought you would think I was a nutcase to talk to her."

"No way. I think it's great, Amber. So, how is she?"

Amber thought about it for a moment. Marie had called her on Skype this morning, and she had been incredibly easy to talk to. Somehow the conversation had just flowed, and it hadn't taken long before Amber had felt relaxed and comfortable telling Marie about her situation. Maybe Amber had felt so relaxed and comfortable talking to Marie because she had been in her own room. It felt good to be at home, in her comfort zone instead of in a stranger's office. Marie's questions had made Amber's head spin – they made her see life in a different way. They had talked for forty-five minutes, and afterwards Amber had felt clear in her head. Coaching was nothing like Amber had imagined. No diagnosis. No judgment. In fact, talking to Marie felt completely effortless, and although she hated to admit it, she was happy her mom had provided the contact, and she wouldn't mind talking to Marie again.

"She is okay, I guess."

"Is she old or young, and how does she look?" Benjamin looked at Amber, waiting for more details.

"I don't know how old she was. Maybe forty. I spoke with her on Skype. She lives in France."

"What? Like the country France? Why?" Benjamin looked funny, his eyes wide as if with big question marks inside them.

Amber laughed. "I don't know why, but I think it's because that's where most French people live."

"So does she have a French accent?" Benjamin said with a French accent. "Ooh la la!"

"Yes, she actually has a French accent. But her English is good."

"So what did she say?" Amber could see Benjamin getting serious as he thought about her suicide attempt.

"We talked about ways of dealing with bullying, and she said that I was too hard on myself, and that it's a myth that only weak people commit suicide or get depressed. It's often people who have been strong for too long." Amber paused but could see Benjamin was still just listening, so she continued.

"She also gave me some ideas on how to take better care of myself."

Benjamin looked at Amber with thoughtful eyes. "I am so thankful that you are still here."

Amber could hear the sadness in his voice, and she put her hand on his knee. "Me, too." She smiled at him.

"You know–" Ben suddenly sounded happy, as he went to change the subject and cheer her up. "I'm getting my driving license next week when I turn sixteen."

"Wow, you are so lucky. I have to wait another four weeks." Amber replied.

"I know a place that I want to take you when I have my license." Ben looked excited.

"You mean, when you can drive me in six months" Amber sighed.

"Are we really going to stick to that rule, Amber?" Ben gaped at her.

"If you refer to the law, then yeah, we are going to stick to that little rule."

"Honestly, I think it's the lamest law in the world that I can only give family a lift for the first six months."

Amber laughed at his theatrical outrage. "I'm sure we will survive, and I look forward to seeing that place you want to show me in the spring."

"So you're not going to drive with me, then?" Ben made sad puppy eyes.

"No, I am a good girl who obeys the law." Amber looked away and tried to hide the fact that she was cracking up over Ben's imitation of a begging dog.

#  CHAPTER 21  
Anxiety and pressure

Laura felt sick to her stomach. She was starting school tomorrow, and for the first time she didn't look forward to it.

School had always been her safe zone, where she could impress and be praised. Throughout elementary and middle school, she had always been the top student in her class, and her parents would brag about her constantly. She was the easy child, the good girl, while her brother Jack was the rebel, who always got in trouble at school and constantly had conflicts with their parents. This summer he had announced that he was planning to take a year off after high school to pursue a record deal with his band, The Underground Amateurs. Laura had expected a big fight about it, but their parents had more or less shrugged their shoulders and said, "Well, do what you want to." It seemed like they had accepted the fact that Jack was not the academically gifted child in the family, and therefore it was okay.

It would be unthinkable for them to say the same thing to Laura. The whole episode had made it even more obvious that all expectations were on Laura now. Laura's stomach pain deepened, and she sat down for a moment with her thoughts; the pressure felt heavy. She was afraid of disappointing her parents, and last school year hadn't been easy. She had been in the gifted program ever since grade 4, but high school was different from middle school. The other students were smarter now, the load of homework was insane, and Laura felt challenged. Her grades were no longer straight A's, and her teachers weren't impressed with her work. Suddenly, she felt threatened that her identity as the good girl and gifted child of the family was coming to an end.

She hated the thought of disappointing her parents. Hate was a feeling that had been sneaking up on her a lot lately. She used to be friendly to everyone, but the past year she had experienced a side of herself that had surprised her. The mere sight of Sara brought out the worst in Laura, and she had done and said things last school year that she wasn't proud of, but she honestly hated Sara for having such an easy time at school and for being so damn smart.

For a short while, Laura had almost felt sympathy for Sara when she heard how her boyfriend Benjamin and best friend Amber had betrayed her, kissing behind Sara's back. Laura had felt sorry for Sara, but that sympathy turned into even deeper hatred when she found out that Sara was now dating Josh. What he saw in Sara was a mystery to Laura. After all, Sara wasn't that interesting. She wasn't exactly fun or talkative like Laura, and she always imagined that Joshua would want a blond girl like her, and not a brunette.

It was all wrong! Joshua was a cool rock star, and Sara was an introvert nerd. Why would someone as cool as Joshua want to be with someone as uncool as Sara? Laura felt irritated and couldn't relax anywhere in her room, so she went downstairs to get some water and found her mom in the kitchen. "Oh, hi, honey, are you okay? You look pale." Her mother came over to look at her.

"I'm fine, thanks. Just thirsty," Laura replied and headed for the fridge.

"Are you excited about school tomorrow?" Her mom smiled at her.

Laura didn't reply but simply shrugged her shoulders, as she filled a glass of water.

"I am so proud of you, honey. You are my little star, and I know you will do wonderfully this year." Her mom sounded so joyful.

"I hope so." Laura swallowed a sip of water.

"Of course you will. You always do, and your Dad and I are so proud to have such a beautiful and gifted daughter. You have always been the best in your class. I am sure you will be this year, too." The stomach pain grew stronger, her head started to ache, and she felt almost dizzy. Laura excused herself and headed for bed, feeling the pressure on her shoulders.

* * * * *

"What are you doing in my room?" Laura hadn't expected to find Jack in her room, and she immediately got upset when she caught him going through her things. Jack ignored her and kept searching for something.

"Get out of my room," Laura commanded in a high-pitched voice.

"Or what?" Jack turned and pinned her with a condescending look, making Laura feel intimidated and powerless. He was much stronger than she was, and he had been physically aggressive toward her so many times that she had learned to stay away from him.

"Or else I will call Mom and Dad." Laura was in full alert mode in case he might attack her.

Jack's laughter was cold. "Oh, now I am really scared."

"Just get out, Jack, right now," Laura hissed through gritted teeth.

"Fine." Jack turned around and approached her in the doorway. He used his body to push her aside so harshly that she almost fell over. "Get out of my way," he snapped as he passed her.

Laura could feel her stomach pain grow, and tears on the edges of her eyes. She hated her brother, and he clearly hated her, too. He was such a bully, and he had no right to walk into her room without her permission. She knew what he had been looking for, and she was happy he didn't find it this time. He had stolen money from her in the past, but this time she had hidden it well, and she hoped he would never find it.

The best part about starting school was getting away from Jack, who had been insufferable this summer. He had spent most of his time rehearsing in the basement with his band, and the noise was driving Laura insane. He didn't seem interested in spending time with the family, and when he wasn't rehearsing or out with friends, he would lock himself up in his room and listen to music.

Their parents had complained about the way he refused to participate in family activities, but it made no difference. To Laura, it seemed that Jack had already left their home, mentally, and he was just passing time until he could move out physically. Agitated by his behavior, Laura closed her door and thought to herself, _The day Jack moves out will be a day to celebrate_.

* * * * *

Jack slammed the door behind him. He hadn't been able to find money in Laura's room, and he desperately needed fifty dollars. _Damn it, I know she has the money_. Laura was always so sensible, saving all her money. He would have paid her back before she even noticed that the money was gone – or at least that was his intention.

School was starting tomorrow, and he had promised to pay back Elizabeth fifty dollars. She had been kind enough to lend him the money a while back, and he had promised to pay her the next time he saw her. But now he was completely broke. The band made a little money on their concerts, but somehow he managed to spend it very quickly. His parents refused to pay him any allowance, because he never did any of his chores, and he didn't want to ask them for money and face the discussion of how he was such a disappointment to them.

Jack thought about his options for a while. He could lie to Elizabeth and say that he had forgotten the money and left it at home, or he could ask a friend to lend him the money. He decided on Joshua and sent him a text. Joshua replied within thirty seconds, and Jack sighed with relief. He could pay Elizabeth tomorrow, and then he would have to figure out a way to pay Joshua back. Their next concert was in two weeks. Hopefully, Joshua could wait that long, and anyway Jack felt convinced that his monetary troubles were temporary, because their band was bound to become famous. When that happened, he would be loaded and would never have to ask anyone for money ever again.

He smiled and threw himself down on the bed, thinking about Elizabeth. When he became a millionaire, he would invite her out for a fancy dinner. He wondered what she thought about him. Jack wasn't as social as Joshua or Dylan in the band, but he had his fair share of screaming girls to surround him, and fans to praise him after shows and ask him for an autograph. He turned his head and looked in the mirror on his closet, wondering how Elizabeth would describe him. Did she find him as hot as he found her? He doubted it, because she had never as much as flirted with him, but then again, Elizabeth wasn't really the flirtatious type. She was the kind, wise, always happy type of girl.

It seemed to Jack that Elizabeth had no idea about how attractive she was. Her long blond hair and big blue eyes betrayed her Scandinavian origins, but because she had arrived from Sweden when she was nine, her English was flawless and had a local accent. Everyone liked Elizabeth, and she just had this energy around her that made her attractive without even trying. Her hair always seemed like she had just gotten out of bed and done nothing besides parting it down the middle. It looked the right amount of messy and the right amount of awesome. He wished his hair would be that magical, but even when he spent time styling it, it would never behave as he wanted it to.

Elizabeth wasn't a rock star, and as far as Jack knew, she didn't even play an instrument. She wasn't a sports star, either; in fact, Jack doubted that she did anything athletic, and yet she was interesting in her own way, because she always made people feel good. That was her gift. She always saw the best in everybody and brought out the best version of anyone she was with. Jack had no idea how she did it, but when he was with her, he behaved differently. He talked politely, even – it was not the same as being around anyone else.

Maybe that was why he was so attracted to her. He wanted to be the person she brought out in him, and with her, it was effortless, as she simply expected it of him and treated him with the same amount of respect and kindness.

At home, he could never make anyone happy, so he had stopped trying a long time ago. It made him sick to see how his parents favored Laura and how they measured success in letter grades. His parents had not been to a single one of his concerts. The only positive thing to say about them was that they allowed the band to practice in the basement. For that, Jack was grateful, although he had never told them directly.

At first, Jack had been excited that his parents didn't put up a big fight when he told them he was taking a break after high school to focus on the band. He knew that Joshua was going through hell with his parents, and Dylan and Kevin were under pressure, too. The guys all agreed that Jack was lucky that his parents were so relaxed about it. But the more Jack though about it, the more he felt like their reaction was the final proof that they had given up on him. They expected nothing from him; he was just one big disappointment to them, and they didn't really care anymore.

Laura had seemed as surprised about their reaction as he was. By instinct, Jack knew that Laura understood that it was all up to her now. She was the smart kid. He was the dyslexic kid who found school hard and who would never amount to anything. Jack tried shaking off the feeling of inadequacy and his hatred for his sister, the perfect kid. He had only one year left of high school, and then he would be out of here, on the road with the band, and he knew one thing for sure: he wouldn't look back.

#  CHAPTER 22  
First day of school

Elizabeth always loved the first day of school. She found herself hugging friends she hadn't seen since before summer break, and she felt genuinely happy to see everybody again. To Elizabeth, school was a social thing, and she felt surrounded by brilliant people. When she saw other students, she saw future social workers, lawyers, police officers, doctors, nurses, and scientists. She was curious about them and found herself asking people questions about their lives, their families and their dreams.

She knew her younger sister, Victoria, felt the same way. With a mom who was a life and business coach, they had spent much time discussing human emotions and analyzing people and situations. She was grateful to have her mom in her life and admired her mom's gift of looking through people and seeing behind their words. As a coach, their mom was an emotional detective who helped people break their disruptive patterns. She made a great consultant when it came to Elizabeth's own emotional life as well.

For both Elizabeth and Victoria, the many hours of talking with their mom and each other had paid off, and they had developed a rare maturity that they were both grateful for. They always looked for greatness in people and often detected sadness before it was expressed. They could read body language, and they both had a sixth sense that made them say the right thing at the right time without always realizing it.

"Hi, Jack." Elizabeth opened her arms to hug Jack as he walked right toward her in the hallway. She saw his face light up as he hugged her back.

"I have your money." He handed her the fifty dollars with a big smile.

"Thanks. How was your summer, Jack?" They walked together to the next class, and Jack started to tell her but got interrupted by the bell. He felt disappointed because he wanted more time with Elizabeth. She smiled and went into her classroom, and he turned around to find his.

"Hey, Jack!" He immediately turned and saw Elizabeth's head popping out from the door she had just entered. "I want to hear about your summer at lunch, okay?"

"Okay," he said as casually as he could, but deep inside, he did the happy dance. He mattered to her: first the hug and then her interest in his summer break. That was the thing about Elizabeth; she made him feel important and special. He entered his class with a big smile on his face. His senior year had certainly gotten a good start.

* * * * *

At lunch, the cafeteria was buzzing, as everyone was catching up. Sara looked over at the tables where the freshmen were sitting. Some were chatting with new friends, and her eyes fell on a boy who looked so young and fragile as he carried his tray of food. He had that look of panic in his eyes as he scanned the entire cafeteria searching for a place to sit. Sara elbowed Benjamin and nodded towards the freshman. "Look at that guy, Ben... remember when we started last year?"

Benjamin looked at the poor guy and smiled. "Yeah, I remember, but at least we had each other."

"I know. I feel really sorry for him." Sara's eyes were filled with empathy.

"Don't worry about it, Sara. He'll be fine. In a few days he will have new friends."

"I know." Sara changed her focus and turned to Amber.

"So, are you okay?"

Her voice was caring and made Amber look up from her food. "Yeah, I'm fine. So far, everyone has been nice to me."

"Good, they better be or I will chop them up." Benjamin made a few karate moves with his hands. His soundtrack to his performance made the whole table laugh out loud. Joshua, who was just coming over to their table, stopped and looked at Benjamin's performance.

"That is probably the strangest thing I have ever seen. A Japanese Ninja disguised as a Native American... who would have thought?" Benjamin gave Joshua a high five and laughed.

"I'm a chameleon, man." Ben spoke in a dramatic way. "I can be anything I want to be, and my enemies never see me coming."

Josh smiled. "I heard you spent your summer in the Olympic Rainforest. How was that?"

"It was good. And I learned to survive in the wild, so I'm a true hunter now."

"Really, so did you hunt any vampires up in Forks?" Joshua was clearly enjoying the witty conversation.

"Honestly, man, they don't taste good so we didn't hunt them down. They don't come near us on purpose; they know not to mess with hardcore Natives like us." Benjamin had a pretend-macho expression on his face.

Amber interrupted. "Oh no, don't tell me... you are a shape-shifter, and I am really dating a wolf."

"Enough Twilight for one day, guys. Come on, we need to get to class." Sara was smiling and felt good at being a part of this amazing group. She was so grateful that she and Benjamin could still be friends and that Amber was cool with it.

Sara recalled the awful night when she had broken up with Benjamin because he had kissed Amber. If anyone had told her then that in a few months they would all be good friends, she wouldn't have believed them. She had been so full of anger and confusion. It was ironic that Benjamin and Joshua had actually been in a fight that night, and now they were joking around and giving high fives. So much had happened since that night.

For Amber, the first day of school was terrifying. Coming back to school knowing that everyone knew about her suicide attempt was a challenge, and she could feel her sadness creeping up on her. The memories here were overwhelming, and she was grateful that lunch had been so much fun with the gang gathered again. Around them, she felt safe, but walking the hallways alone was still frightening.

Her mom had suggested she change schools to get a fresh start, but Amber had chosen to stay. She felt confident that she was a stronger person now, and she had decided to apply the technique that Victoria had told her about in the hospital – thinking about all the potential bullies as trainers. _I will not take it personally. It is not about me. It's about them, and they are here to serve me_ , Amber recited in her mind.

When she walked into biology class, she recognized some girls who had been particularly hard on her last school year, and instantly, she got a knot in her stomach. She found a spot, and as she sat down, she heard them whisper and giggle behind her. _They are talking about me_ , she thought, and she remembered how she had felt before the suicide attempt. Amber could feel her palms get sweaty and her heart beating faster. _Focus, focus_ , she thought and tried to gain control, but her heart was still pounding and she felt dizzy and weak.

How she got through biology class, she didn't know. But as soon as it was over, she left school and skipped her last class to flee home. She was furious at herself for being so weak. If it took nothing more than some whispers from giggling girls, then it would be a long, terrible school year. _Maybe I could do home schooling_ , she thought and buried her head in her pillow.

She looked at her phone and felt the need to call Benjamin, but she knew he was still in class and that his phone would be on silent. She needed to talk to someone. Suddenly, she remembered that Marie had told her to call if she ever needed to talk. She opened her computer and called Marie on Skype. Amber could hear the computer dialing, and suddenly it hit her that it was probably nighttime in France, and she was probably waking Marie up. But before she could end the call, Marie answered.

"Hello, Amber." Marie didn't look like she had been sleeping.

"I'm sorry, Marie, were you sleeping?"

"No, no, it's okay, I am always up late. What can I do for you?" Marie smiled.

"I came home from school. I couldn't do it."

"Oh." Marie leaned into the camera just a little bit. "I am sorry to hear that. What happened?" Marie's voice was warm.

"It was so stupid, because nothing really happened. It was only a few girls who were whispering about me and laughing behind my back in biology, and it made me feel uncomfortable."

"In what way?"

"Like my heart was racing, and my hands got sweaty and I felt nauseous. I just needed to get out of there."

"Hmm, that sounds like an anxiety attack. Do you agree?"

"I don't know. If you say so." Amber shrugged her shoulders.

Marie was laughing a bit. "Well, I say so, Amber, so what are you going to do about it?"

Amber didn't know what to say, so she was silent for a while.

"Maybe I could do home schooling?" she finally said.

"You probably could, but tell me – did anything good happen today?"

"Yeah, we had fun at lunch, and I felt fine, until the girls whispered about me."

"Okay, but let me ask you this: are you sure they were talking about you?"

"Yes, I'm sure."

"Did you hear them mention your name?"

"No."

"Then how do you know?"

"Because they were mean to me last year."

"Yes, but could it be that they were whispering about a boy, or something other than you entirely?"

"Theoretically, but I don't think so."

"But you don't know?"

"No, I don't know for sure."

"Did you know that what you experienced today is the curse of self-centered people?"

"What – what do you mean?"

"It's funny. When people are self-centered, they are convinced that everybody is looking at them and talking about how they dress and what they do, when in fact other people are more concerned about how they themselves look. For all you know, no one was thinking about you today in that class. They were concerned with other issues."

Amber felt a little offended by Marie's use of words. Amber did not like being called a self-centered person.

"Maybe you are right. I don't know."

"No, you don't know, and you will never know unless you ask them. But then again, asking everyone who whispers and giggles in a high school about their motives for doing so would be a full-time job, right?"

Amber smiled. "Yeah."

"So maybe you could be less self-centered and not take every whisper as a sign of hostility?"

"I guess I could, but I don't feel very self-centered. I think that is a negative word."

"Really? Why?" Marie raised her eyebrows.

"Because self-centered people are not nice people."

"How so?" Marie tilted her head.

"Because they only think about themselves."

"But most teenagers are like that. It's quite natural for their age, yes?"

"I guess," Amber slowly admitted.

Marie laughed once again, and it was such a heartwarming sound that Amber smiled and relaxed a bit more. "The teenage years are the most self-centered period in life, and that is not bad; it's just another developmental stage of life, and no one can blame you for it. It's biological and can be explained by your brain development."

"I don't like to think of myself as self-centered. It sounds like selfishness. I think it's bad." Amber interjected.

"Interesting! That would be like saying that being stubborn is a bad thing, Amber, but that would make every three-year-old a bad person. There is no such thing. We are all evolving, you included."

"But I don't want to be self-centered!" Amber stated.

"You don't have to. You can choose to be the opposite." Marie smiled.

"But how?"

"Oh, you tell me. What is the opposite of self-centered?"

Amber looked up as she thought about it. "Giving, loving, sharing?"

Marie nodded her head. "Yes! So how can you give?"

"I don't know. I have nothing to give." Amber felt her sadness return.

"Is that true, Amber?" Marie's voice sounded very serious. "Is that really true?"

Amber felt paralyzed; she didn't know what she had to offer anyone, when she couldn't even get through one day of school herself. "I think so," she said slowly, feeling her way."

"Hmm, let me ask you this then, if you could talk to the old Amber, two days before her suicide attempt, what would you tell her?"

"I would tell her not to do it, to hang in there and get help." Amber began.

"Yes..." Marie nodded. "And?"

Amber answered quickly. "And I would tell her that everything will be all right."

"Yes...go on."

"And I would hug and hold her and tell her that I know what it feels like," Amber said, emotionally affected.

"Do you think your words and hugs would make a difference?"

"I don't know, maybe..." Amber wasn't sure.

"I think they would." Marie looked at Amber kindly.

Amber thought about it for a moment and nodded. "Yeah, I think you're right."

"Do you think there are other kids in your situation out there right now?"

"I guess so."

"Do you think anyone is thinking about suicide right now?"

"Yes, probably." Amber felt even more sad thinking about it.

"I want you to look up the statistics on suicide in your state. Is that okay?

"Yes, that's okay."

"Good. I'm getting a cup of tea. In the meanwhile, you will look up the numbers, okay?"

"Okay." Amber quickly Googled the statistics. What she saw made her speechless.

Marie came back to the screen. "So, did you find it?"

"Yes, I did... Every fourth teenager in Washington State has seriously thought about suicide. And one in ten has made at least one suicide attempt within the last year."

Marie slowly nodded her head. "What do you think about that?"

Amber could feel her throat tightening. "It's really sad." She felt tears in her eyes. Picturing her school classroom, she realized that if that statistic was true, around five in that room had been hurt enough to consider checking out, and two would have been miserable enough to have actually tried.

She read on. "Each week, an average of two youths between the ages of ten and twenty-four die by suicide in Washington State." Amber sat with tears rolling down her cheeks. She felt overwhelmed.

"It could have been me." Amber looked at Marie, who looked so sympathetically at her.

"I know. It's a horrible thought."

"Yeah." Amber dried her eyes with the back of her hands and sniffled.

"Can you see my cup of tea, Amber?" Marie's question confused her. She watched Marie hold the cup in the air.

"Yes, I see it," she said slowly.

"How much do you think is in it?"

Amber instantly sighed. _Oh no, not the old song about seeing the glass as half empty or half full_. "I don't know," she said, "It's not a see-through cup."

"I know," Marie said and smiled. "But how much do you think it weighs?"

"I have no idea," Amber shrugged her shoulders.

"That's okay, because it really doesn't matter how much it weighs. What matters is how long I hold it. The longer I hold it, the heavier it gets. If I had to hold this cup of tea for a minute, it would be effortless. If I held it for one hour, it would be tiring. But if I had to hold it up for a whole day, I doubt I could without giving up – it would be too heavy. Do you see my point?"

Amber was completely lost. Where was the connection between tea and suicide? "I am not following you," she said.

"The point is that thoughts are like this cup. Anyone can think heavy thoughts for a short time, but the longer you think about them, the heavier they get. And even small worries can grow heavy when you carry them for too long."

"Hmm. That's true." Amber was still thinking about it.

"Yes. So I didn't want you to see the numbers and then carry the burden and dwell on the thought of how many young people are killing themselves. Instead, I wanted you to get upset _enough_ to decide what you are going to do about it."

Amber felt chills down her spine. _How am I supposed to do anything about it, just me?_ She was just one teenage girl.

"What can I do about it?" she said in a low voice.

"Good question. Think about it, and let me know what you come up with, all right?"

"Okay." Amber didn't really want to ask more questions. Her head was loaded.

"Good! Call me if you need me, and otherwise we'll talk on Sunday, right?"

"Right. Good night, Marie." Amber ended the call and lay back down on her bed. What on earth could she do about it? She was just sixteen. Her mind was starting to explore ideas when her phone vibrated. It was Benjamin.

"Where r u?" They had agreed to meet outside of school before his baseball practice.

She wrote him right back. "Home, I had to skip math."

He responded instantly. "R u ok?"

"Yes, I'm ok, I talked to Marie about it. Let's talk later, ok?"

"Ok."

Amber needed time alone to process her conversation with Marie. She didn't feel sad anymore, but she did feel confused about her assignment. _How can I help?_ She thought again and closed her eyes to concentrate. She decided to make a list.

10 things I could do to help prevent teenage suicides:

1: Organize a cake sale and donate the money to a suicide prevention line.

2: Run a marathon for donations to a suicide program.

3: Seek out sad-looking people at school and ask them if they need to talk.

4: Write anti-bullying messages on my Facebook profile to inspire others to be nice.

5: Write a book about my experience to open the eyes of parents and the bullies.

6:

7:

8:

9:

10:

Amber looked at her list. The first five came slowly, and then she was out of ideas. She crossed out number two. Running a marathon was unrealistic. She hated running, and it would take months to train for a marathon.

Writing a book was a long-term commitment too, and it would be hard to do on top of her pile of homework. She crossed that idea out.

_I could write on my Facebook page_ , she thought and sat for a few minutes before she let her fingers write a post.

Did you know that 2 kids in every classroom have tried to commit suicide within the last year? Did you know that 5 kids in every class have seriously considered killing themselves?

Look around you and think twice before you make a nasty comment or post a mean update. You may be saving a life.

Amber looked at the post. It's a start, she thought, and felt really brave to have posted it. Then, her anxiety came back. _What if people make nasty comments on my post? What if they make fun of me or mock me?_ Her fear took over and she decided to delete the post, but then she noticed that three people had already liked it. That gave her the strength to leave it, at least for a little while longer. She looked at the list again. _I think I'm going to organize a bake sale_.

#  CHAPTER 23  
Making a difference

"Hey, Vic, wait up." Amber called from behind when she saw Victoria in the school hallway.

"Hi, Amber, what's up?" Victoria responded with a big smile.

"I had an idea."

"Uh-oh." Victoria looked at her with mock suspicion.

"No, you'll like it, because you get to do something you really enjoy... that is, if you'll help."

Victoria looked intrigued. "Okay, try me."

"Let's organize a bake sale against bullying."

Victoria laughed. "It's good to see you on a mission, Amber! Sure, I will help you; I make the best Swedish cinnamon rolls in the world. At least, that's what my father says. When is the bake sale?"

"I don't exactly know, but last night, I was thinking, what can I do to help other people who are in the same situation I was in last year?" Amber paused. "I made a little list."

"Cool. What's on the list, besides selling cakes?"

"Well... being nice and forthcoming to kids who look like they are suffering. Amber took a deep breath before revealing her ideas to Victoria. "Post anti-bullying messages on my Facebook wall, that was another one – and run a marathon, but I crossed that one out. And then there was writing a book about it, but I crossed that out, too... so I guess that leaves selling treats, reaching out to kids who seem sad, and posting Facebook messages." Amber tested Victoria with a little smile, looking for a reaction to see if her ideas were totally off.

"I like it, but you know, I could probably help you come up with a few more things for your list. Would you like that?"

"Sure. What's on your mind?" Amber was pleased that Victoria welcomed her initiative.

"Well, you could make a short film about bullying and show it to all the kids at school." Victoria looked thrilled about her own idea, but Amber looked overwhelmed.

"That sounds like a lot of work. I don't even know where to start."

"Hmm," Victoria said. "You're right, but you know what you could do, though – you could talk to other kids about your experience and inspire them." Victoria was one big smile.

"I don't know about that. I think I would be too shy to do that." Amber hated turning down all of Victoria's ideas, but films and public talks were a bit out of her league.

"Okay. But just think about it, okay? If you decide to do it, I will be happy to help you set it up, and I'm sure the kids will love you."

Amber shrugged her shoulders. She wasn't so sure about Victoria's ideas, and she had no desire to go in front of an audience, but she was grateful that Victoria was so supportive.

"I'll think about it," Amber agreed and smiled. "But hey, thank you for being on board with the bake sale. I am going to ask Sara too."

#  CHAPTER 24  
Dilemmas and slammed doors

Sara was in a dilemma. Joshua had asked her to come and hear his band practice today, and she had gladly said yes. She was curious to see where the band rehearsed; all she knew was that it was in Jack's basement. She loved listening to Joshua sing and play, but her mother had just sent her a text message asking her to look after her twin brothers after school. She hurried home and found her mother in the kitchen getting ready to leave. "Thank you, honey, I will be back as fast as I can. I just completely forgot about my doctor's appointment."

"It's okay." Sara almost pushed her mother out the door. "Please just hurry, okay? I promised Joshua to come by and see his band rehearse today."

"Okay, okay," her mother laughed on her way out.

Sara sent Joshua a message. "I will be late but I'm still coming. What's the address again?"

She got a reply back with an " _ok_ " and the address. Her twin brothers were being loud, and she was irritated with them. If it weren't for them, she wouldn't have to babysit. She kept looking at the clock, which seemed to be moving way too fast. Soon the band would be done rehearsing, and if she didn't make it, she would be the worst girlfriend ever. She kept chanting in her head, _Come on, Mom, come on..._ When her mother finally pulled up in front of the house, Sara ran out the door.

When she arrived at the address, she noticed that the house was big and well-maintained. She went to the front door and rang the bell. There was no doubt it was the right house: she could hear music coming from inside. The door opened, and Laura looked just as surprised as Sara did when they saw each other.

"What do you want?" Laura said with disgust.

Sara felt the arctic cold from Laura and clenched her jaw. Laura had to be the most unpleasant person she had ever known, and right now she was standing between her and Joshua.

"Josh asked me to come by and see him play with the band," Sara explained as mildly as possible, looking down. She didn't want a confrontation with Laura. She just wanted to get past her and see Joshua.

"Really? Then why don't you ask him to let you in?" Laura's face was full of contempt as she slammed the door in Sara's face.

Sara was left outside, staring at the closed door, completely speechless. She didn't understand the aggression from Laura's side, and she felt humiliated and embarrassed. It was as if she was no better than a nasty cockroach. She walked away from the house and sent Joshua a message saying. " _I came, but Laura wouldn't let me in._ " She wanted to send a second message saying " _Can you let me in,_ " but she wasn't sure if she wanted to be in a house where she was so unwelcome. Badly shaken, Sara decided to go home again.

If she had only known that Laura was Jack's sister, she would have been prepared. She could have asked Joshua to meet her outside. She didn't know Jack very well, and Joshua had never mentioned the connection between him and Laura.

* * * * *

Joshua was getting worried; Sara should have been here by now.

"Just a minute," he said to his bandmates and went to check his mobile.

When he saw Sara's message, he frowned. " _What_?" He said aloud.

"What's up?" Jack responded.

Joshua was just about to tell him, but it was as if an alarm clock went off in his head – he didn't want to involve Jack, before knowing what had actually happened.

"Is your sister home, Jack?"

"I don't know. She's probably upstairs. Why?"

"Nothing. I just need to ask her something." Joshua ran up the stairs and called for Laura. She didn't respond, so he continued to second floor, where he knew her room was. He had seen her often enough, looking out the window.

"Laura, are you there?" Joshua knocked on her door, and even though no one responded, he knew she was there. He opened the door and found her on her bed with her iPad in her lap.

"Did Sara come here?" he asked in the nicest tone he could muster.

"No, I don't think so." Laura avoided Josh's eyes.

Joshua raised his eyebrows. "You don't think so, or you know so?"

"I didn't see her," Laura lied.

"Sara says you didn't want to let her in. Is that true?"

"She's lying. I never saw her." Laura used her most innocent voice and tilted her head, which always worked with her parents. Joshua, however, didn't seem convinced.

"When Sara comes to see us practice, will you please show her down to the basement?"

Laura's eyes suddenly narrowed, and Joshua could see she was uncomfortable. "Mmm-hmm," she said and looked at her iPad to end the conversation.

Joshua had a strong feeling she was lying to him. But why? He closed her door, and for the first time he sympathized with Jack. He called Sara.

When Sara told her version, Joshua was even more puzzled. Why would Laura hold such a grudge against Sara? It made no sense, but then again, who was he to understand girls and their strange behavior? Part of him wanted to go back upstairs and tell Laura to be nice to his girlfriend, but for some reason, he knew that wouldn't do Sara any good. It would most likely just make Laura hate Sara even more. He went downstairs again to Kevin, Jack, and Dylan.

"Are you okay, dude?" Kevin said.

"Yeah, fine."

"Sara didn't make it – that's a bummer," Dylan commented.

"She was here, but the door was locked and we didn't hear her because of the music."

"But my sister could have let her in," Jack interjected.

"I know... but Laura was listening to loud music in her room, so she didn't hear the doorbell ring. I asked her."

"Oh, okay." Jack nodded his head. "Sorry about that, man."

"It's okay. I'll bring her another time." Joshua didn't want to contribute to the problems that already existed between Jack and his sister, so he lied about Laura.

He looked at his phone. "I have to go. I'm meeting Sara in ten."

* * * * *

When he parked his car, he saw Sara sitting on a park bench close by. _She's so incredibly beautiful, even when she's sad_ , he thought. "Hey, gorgeous." Joshua sat down next to her. "Are you okay?"

"Why does she hate me so much?" Sara asked him, looking hurt.

"I don't know. I'm sorry that happened to you. I asked her to let you in the next time you come." Sara looked at him. He could tell she didn't want to go back there. Joshua put his arm around her and pulled her close. "You probably don't want to hear this, but Laura can be really nice, and I know she is having a hard time at home with Jack. He is a real jerk to her."

Sara looked up at Joshua. "Well, then, it runs in the family, because she is being a real jerk to me."

Joshua tickled Sara in a playful way. "Why don't you go with me to the tree house and let me distract you a bit?"

Sara responded by squirming. "Stop, stop it right now!" she said, starting to smile again.

Joshua laughed, got up from the park bench, and pulled her with him into the forest. "I wanted to ask you something, Sara." he said while they were walking. "Would you come up on stage with me at our next concert?"

Sara's eyes grew big and she slowed down her pace. "Why?" She surprised herself with how defensive she sounded.

Joshua looked at her with a confused look. "Well, I just thought it would be a good way to make us official, and it would give you an easier time at school with the fans, and you know..."

"I don't want to come up on stage." Sara stopped walking and pulled her hand back.

"Why not?" Joshua didn't like where this was going. Why didn't she want to make it official?

"I'm sorry, Joshua, I just don't want to. Can we leave it at that?" She could see Joshua had a confused and hurt expression on his face. He was clearly not happy with her response.

"No, Sara, we can't just always leave everything and move on when you don't want to talk about it. I need to know why. I need some kind of explanation. I don't get it." Joshua was agitated as he stood in front of her, feeling rejected.

"Are you ashamed of me, Sara?" Joshua's voice sounded hard, and when she looked up to face him, she recognized that stiff, cold expression from her first piano lesson.

"No! Of course I'm not ashamed of you." Sara felt drained from this conversation and Laura's slamming the door. This was definitely not the best day of her life, but there was no way she was going on that stage, exposing herself in front of hundreds or maybe thousands of people. "Why do you even want me on that stage, Joshua?" Sara couldn't see the point. There was nothing she could contribute, since she didn't play an instrument and couldn't sing. "What do you want me to do up there?"

Joshua's voice was calm and sincere when he said, "I just want the whole world to know that you are mine."

Sara had no armor against his sincerity, and she couldn't resist feeling flattered by his devotion. She looked at him with a loving smile. "That is really sweet, Joshua, but I don't feel comfortable coming up on the stage. Please don't make me?"

Joshua took her hand again and started walking "Okay. I won't, then."

When they got up in the tree house Sara finally felt more relaxed and happy. She was overwhelmed by Joshua's feelings for her, and he was taking in her smiles and laughs. When Sara was girlish like this, he was completely lost, and sometimes, he had a hard time understanding that he was dating this spectacular, beautiful, innocent, sexy genius. He was convinced she could have any guy she wanted, and he could see guys turning their heads at her in school. Only Sara seemed clueless about the way she affected guys around her.

"You know I really like you a lot," Joshua said and pulled Sara down on his lap, tucking a lock of her hair behind her ear. She put her arms around his neck, kissed him softly, and looked into his eyes.

"I really like you a lot, too."

Joshua's heart was beating fast. He felt like he needed to say those three special words to her, but he didn't know if she was ready to hear them. She was a bit elusive, and as she never showed affection at school, he was never felt a hundred percent sure about her commitment. She had still not invited him home to meet her parents, and now she had refused to come on stage with him. He didn't know what to make of it, but he knew he wasn't just in love with her. He loved her.

Joshua buried his head in her hair and whispered the words, "I love you, Sara," very softly.

Sara heard his whisper, and although it was very quiet, she understood. It made her heart almost stop. She didn't know how to respond, so she didn't. She hugged him and held him tight, thinking that he was the most perfect boyfriend in the world and she was a complete failure at this love thing.

"Are you okay?" Joshua asked as he sensed that her squeeze was a little harder than usual.

"Yes, I am absolutely fine." She said and kissed him again. "You are the best boyfriend ever. But I have to go home now."

* * * * *

Sara couldn't sleep that night. She thought about Joshua and what he had said to her. It felt completely different from when her girlfriends or parents told her that they loved her. She thought about Joshua's need to show their love to the world and the way he had sounded when he whispered that he loved her. She thought about it and questioned herself; she thought about whether she loved him, too. She knew she was in love with him, madly. But did she love him?

Joshua was hot, and he could make her head spin with erotic thoughts and emotions that she had never felt before. But he was also, to some degree, possessive of her: always needed to know where she was, what she was doing, and who she was with. Part of her liked his protectiveness, but there was also a part that rejected his need for control. _I know that I can trust him_ , she thought, _and I know that I feel completely safe with him. He loves and accepts me for who I am_ , Sara thought. And just before closing her eyes and letting go of her conscious thoughts, she realized... _I do love Joshua!_

#  CHAPTER 25  
Growth and contribution

After a week back at school, Jack felt great. Senior year was the best, and when he looked at the flimsy young freshman boys, he felt almost like a grownup. Jack was well built and had always been tall. He couldn't help having a little fun by intimidating the newcomers, and he figured that it was almost expected of him to carry on the tradition of seniors giving freshmen a hard time. After all, he had taken his share of crap from the seniors when he started high school. Now it was his turn to pass it on.

The only problem was Elizabeth's reaction when she saw or heard about it. She disapproved intensely, and yesterday when he and Kevin had taken a bag of chips from a freshman in the cafeteria, she had looked at both of them with disapproval. "Return it," she had insisted.

"Come on, it's just a bag of chips," Kevin said jokingly, but Elizabeth didn't back down.

"Either you give it back or I will personally go buy him a new bag and find another place to sit." Elizabeth's voice had a no-bullshit tone that made Kevin feel uncomfortable enough to comply. Jack had no doubt that Elizabeth would do it. It was rare for her to stay with their group for lunch for a whole week anyway. She would normally move around the tables and was welcome anywhere. Jack had been glad to see her around, and he was hoping that he had something to do with her choice of lunch table. He didn't want to screw it up.

"Why are you so uptight about it?" Kevin asked when he returned. "It's tradition to give the freshmen a hard time. You are taking it too seriously, man."

Elizabeth pinned Kevin with her eyes. "It used to be tradition for teachers to beat up kids in school. Not all traditions are good, and I believe in changing bad traditions."

Jack raised his eyebrows. "Holy crap, you do take it seriously." But inside he felt even more drawn to Elizabeth for her strength, standing up for a kid she didn't even know. Part of him wanted to be like her, so independent, always staying strong and doing what she thought was right. Two minutes later, she was the same old easygoing Elizabeth who laughed and joked with them, and he wondered how she could shift so easily and quickly from upset to happy.

"So are you ready for the concert next week, guys?" Elizabeth asked.

"We are super psyched about it. And did you hear the good news?" Kevin looked excited and happy.

"What?" Elizabeth looked from Kevin to Jack and Joshua, who suddenly seemed irritated. "What is it?" she repeated.

"Kevin... it was supposed to be a secret," Joshua said reproachfully.

"I'm sorry about that. I'm just so excited about it – and come on, guys, it's just Queeny. She is not going to tell anyone; we can trust her." Dylan, Joshua, and Jack all exchanged looks, and finally, Jack said: "There's a talent scout coming to our next concert."

"What? That's amazing." Elizabeth was genuinely happy and had a wide smile on her face. "Who is it?"

"Well, we send our demos to every big recording studio, and we got contacted by Devine Records, who said our sound was, quote, 'New and funky.'" Kevin's eyes were glowing as he talked.

"I love it, I love it," Elizabeth said softly while jumping a bit in her seat. "This is huge, guys, and I just know he will love you, because you are amazing. Everyone thinks so."

* * * * *

Victoria looked across the cafeteria and watched her sister Elizabeth and the four guys from TUA laughing. She noticed how happy they all looked and wondered what they were talking about.

"So, are you joining us for the bake sale?" Sara got Victoria's attention with her question.

"Oh yes, I am." Victoria smiled at Sara and Amber.

"So, I was thinking we could do it on Friday – a week from today. I was planning to talk to the local supermarket and ask if we can put up a table."

"Good idea. I will bring cinnamon rolls and a chocolate cake," Victoria exclaimed.

"That leaves me to make and frost some cupcakes!" Sara smiled.

"Super! I am making brownies. They are sure to sell." Amber looked uplifted. "It'll be fun! And I was thinking about where we can donate the money. How about the suicide prevention hotline?"

"Sure." Sara and Victoria both nodded.

"So what about me? Am I not trusted to bake a cake or what?" The three girls turned their heads and looked at Benjamin with surprise.

"Well, can you bake?"

"Can I bake? Are you really asking me if I can bake?" Benjamin pretended to be insulted. "Clearly, you have never tasted the famous, top-secret Colemann Angel Cake recipe."

"No, I don't think we have." Amber looked at Victoria and Sara with a big smile.

"Well, then, you have something to look forward to indeed, and may I just give a small warning here?" Benjamin leaned forward and lowered his voice, "I can guarantee that you will all be begging for the recipe, so I need to make it clear, ladies: this Angel Cake recipe is not for sharing. It goes back at least nine generations."

Sara laughed. "Nine generations on your mother's side, Benjamin? I didn't know Native Americans made a lot of Angel Cake back then."

"Don't be silly. It's from my father's side, of course." Benjamin laughed.

"Right, so your father taught you to bake Angel Cake?" Sara said skeptically.

"It doesn't matter. We will be delighted to taste your wonderful cake and delighted to have your company on Friday, Ben." Amber looked at Benjamin with a big smile of gratitude.

"Always happy to serve a worthy cause." Benjamin took a small bow and turned around to head for class.

"Are you coming, Sara?" Victoria looked back.

"No, it's fine, you can just go ahead. I am just going to say hi to Joshua real quick." She turned around and headed to his table, where the band and Elizabeth were breaking up from lunch. "Hi, stranger." Joshua broke into a big smile.

Sara didn't comment on it. She knew he was referring to the way she didn't pay very much attention to him at school.

"Are we still doing homework after school today?" she asked.

Joshua could see she had her serious face on. "I would love that, Sara Singh. Thank you for being my tutor this afternoon. Will we meet by my car after school?" Sara's smile reached her cheeks. She could see he was making fun of her; she did kind of treat him with distance, as if he was merely a friend, but at least this time, she had approached him. That was a step in the right direction.

As she walked away, she noticed a group of his giggling fans watching her. With the new freshmen class, a whole new tribe of giggling TUA fans had arrived, and they constantly sent her hateful looks, as if to say, "Back off." Normally, it would upset Sara, but this time it made her smile and she felt proud that she was the girl he loved. _That's right... he told me himself, He. Loves. ME!_

As Sara passed the girls, she heard them whispering, and the warrior part of her wanted to turn around and say, "Stop looking at my boyfriend," but she didn't have the guts. Instead, she just kept walking while thinking, _One day, I will actually do it, just to see their faces_.

After school, Sara met Joshua by his car, and he had the most irresistible grin on his face as he stood, casually leaning against his Ford Mustang. Sara could feel her excitement fill her body. She had decided that today was going to be the day when she told Joshua that she loved him, and she was so nervous about it. Joshua observed Sara as she approached him with her long dark hair blowing in the wind and a sweet, nervous smile on her lips. He couldn't help feeling that she looked like a lamb approaching a wolf. She didn't say much on the way to his home. Her hands couldn't decide whether to be sweaty or dry. But Joshua didn't seem to notice that she was quiet, and he kept the conversation going with his talk about the talent scout who was coming.

"Where is Anna?" Sara asked when they entered Josh's house. Anna was the indispensable help in Josh's family who made sure the house was clean, the clothes were washed, and the fridge was full, and that the dinner was prepared and healthy during the weekdays. His parents worked too much to do it all and only cooked on weekends. Anna was a trusted part of their family, and normally she would always greet Sara and Josh with some tasty buns or hot chocolate, when they did homework together.

"Anna had to go visit her sister for a few days." Joshua grinned.

"Do you mean we are completely alone now?" Sara's eyes widened. She was too embarrassed to remind him about her parents' rule. Her mom had specifically told her that she was not allowed in Joshua's bedroom and that she should stay downstairs where Anna was always close.

Sara was frustrated that her parents didn't trust her and had felt humiliated when her mom had called Joshua's mom to make sure his parents understood the rules, too.

"Yep, just you and me, baby." Joshua laughed at her expression. "We have the whole house to ourselves, so what do you want to do?" Clearly Joshua wasn't concerned with breaking a few parental rules.

Sara was a mess of conflicting emotions. She wanted to put the nice girl away and play around with Joshua, but she feared she wouldn't be able to control herself, and she would go too far. She wasn't prepared for this situation. Normally, they would do homework in Joshua's living room, and even though Anna would leave them alone, they always knew she could come in at any moment, which made Joshua hold back. At the tree house, someone could pass and hear them. Here, she knew they would be alone for the next three hours, and she suddenly felt scared that Joshua would expect her to have sex with him. She wasn't ready for that.

"What do you mean, what do I want to do? I thought the plan was homework." Sara sounded much stricter than she meant to.

Joshua's grin immediately disappeared, and he just turned around and walked into the living room. She could sense his disappointment, and once again she felt so stupid. _Why can't I just relax more and give him what he wants?_ Sara followed him, and felt just as confused as she had felt the first time she had been in this living room getting a piano lesson. She looked at Joshua's back and took a deep breath.

"Do you want to go to your room?"

Joshua turned around with a puzzled expression on his face. "My room?" he said and tilted his head as if to figure out what was going on. Sara stiffened as she stood, trying to hold on to the braveness she had just felt a second ago.

"Yes, I want to go to my room," Joshua said slowly, observing her. "But are you sure you want to see it?" he asked, testing her.

Sara closed her eyes for a second before she answered. "Show me your room."

Joshua took her hand and led her up the stairs, and Sara followed him as if in a trance.

As they entered his room, she hardly noticed anything but his bed and the nice dusty green color of his blanket. He closed the door behind her, and she willingly took a seat on his bed when he asked her to sit down.

Joshua could feel how tense Sara was, and he was trying to figure out how to make her relax. "Do you want to hear some music?" he asked her, and she nodded.

Bruno Mars filled the room with a soft song that Joshua knew she loved, and he could see her start to breathe more normally.

"So what do you think of my room?" Joshua said and threw himself on the bed next to her.

For the first time, Sara actually looked around in his room and started to relax a bit. Joshua was lying next to where she was sitting, but he looked more like someone who wanted to talk than someone who wanted to gobble her up.

"It's a nice room." She smiled, and he continued the conversation they'd had in the car. Suddenly, Sara felt relaxed enough to laugh again, and when he took her hand and pulled her down beside him, it felt natural.

"Close your eyes," Joshua said and started kissing her face softly and continued down to her neck.

Suddenly Sara pushed him away. "Joshua, I'm not ready to have sex with you." Her eyes were big and apologetic.

Joshua smiled. "I know, Sara, you already told me. But we can still kiss, right?"

Sara sighed with relief. "Yes, we can still kiss. I just needed to say it because I thought that maybe you thought, that now that we are alone..."

Joshua put a finger on her mouth. "You think too much." And then he kissed her and whispered in her ear. "I told you I will wait for you, didn't I?"

Sara held him tight with her mouth to his ear and whispered, "Thank you, Joshua, I love that about you."

He pulled away from her and looked into her eyes. "Did you just say that you love me?" His eyes were glowing with excitement.

"No... I said, I loved that about you." Sara chuckled as she could see his disappointment. " _Now_ I tell you that..." She paused and looked at him, "I love you."

The reaction in Josh was radical. His pupils dilated as his desire for Sara exploded. He had been unsure about her commitment for so long, feeling completely lost in his love for her, always fearing that she would find him dull and not intellectual enough. Her declaration of love released all his suppressed longing for her, and he kissed her with such passion that it completely blew her backwards; his breathing changed and his movements became quicker.

He needed her so badly, and she couldn't refuse his raw lust for her. It felt so good to have actually told him, and her _good girl_ temporarily quitted the room, leaving her with a version of herself she didn't yet know. This part of her was full of lust and desire, and she felt a thousand butterflies in her stomach. She wanted him and he wanted her.,

It was a chaos of kissing, deep breathing, clothes coming off and naked skin rubbing against naked skin. Joshua moved Sara underneath him and took off her jeans. She was lying in his bed in only her bra and panties, and he was more turned on than he had ever been in his life. "Oh my God, Sara, you are so beautiful." He reached for her bra and opened it, and this time she didn't feel shy; she saw her own beauty through his admiring eyes and her inner Goddess purred and pulled him close.

Josh felt her legs around him as he lay down on top of her. His erection was bursting and all he wanted was to feel release inside of her, but in the back of his mind, he could see her big eyes looking at him, saying, _I am not ready to have sex with you_. And with a surprising act of rational thinking, he pulled away from her. "We can't do this, Sara; you're not ready, remember?"

Sara looked at him with confusion; his voice had broken her spell of uninhibited desire, and her good girl returned to the room with a raised finger, making her feel ashamed of herself. She picked up her clothes and started dressing herself silently.

Josh looked at her getting dressed and nervously ran his fingers through his hair. "I am so sorry, Sara, I shouldn't have kissed you that way... you just turn me on so easily, and when you said you loved me, I couldn't control myself. Please forgive me." Joshua tried to get Sara's attention, and finally she was done putting on her shirt and jeans and turned around to face him. The minute he saw the loving expression on her face Joshua sighed with relief. She wasn't mad.

"Maybe we should do our homework now." She smiled and reached out her hand to him.

#  CHAPTER 26  
Selling cakes

That Friday, Amber, Sara, and Victoria were ready for the big bake sale.

Benjamin showed up as promised, with a huge smile and a huger cake.

"Here it is, ladies," he said with triumph and presented an angel cake so perfectly made it had to have come from a factory.

"No way you made that cake yourself," Sara protested and raised her eyebrows.

"Sure did! It's the secret Coleman recipe, remember?" Benjamin's smile lit up his entire face.

Sara crossed her arms. "You know, Ben, I have known you for a long time, and I can totally see when you are lying. Tell me the truth, or I will call your mom and ask her."

Benjamin placed his too-perfect angel cake on the table and laughed at her. "You wouldn't."

"I so would." Sara narrowed her eyes but couldn't help smiling back at him.

Amber didn't believe Benjamin either, but she played along, and to her surprise, his cake outsold her brownies and was surpassed only by Victoria's Swedish cinnamon rolls. After three hours, they had sold 123 treats and received donations of 257 dollars.

"Hey, we did good, didn't we?" Benjamin asked Amber.

"I think so," Amber nodded. But truthfully, it was her first bake sale, and she had no idea what to expect.

Benjamin had them all do a group high five. "Okay, ladies, it is time for me to go; I have duties elsewhere, but I hope you will not suffer cravings for the Coleman angel cake tonight. See you." And off he went on his skateboard, leaving the girls to clean up after the bake sale.

"I really have to go, too." Sara looked apologetic. "I have to watch my brothers, and I'm already late."

"Don't worry. It's fine," Amber replied. "I'm happy to clean up. Thank you so much for doing this with me."

Victoria stayed around to help with the table and the leftover cakes. "So, have you thought about doing a talk about suicide?" she asked Amber.

"You know, I did, and I like the idea, but I can't see myself doing it. Although I was thinking that maybe you could do it, and then I could just help you?"

Victoria looked at her for a moment. "You are scared of being in front of people? Is that why?"

Amber nodded. "I really don't like it."

Victoria gave Amber a hug and looked at her with kindness. "But, Amber, it is not about you. It's about that one person who is thinking about killing herself, the person you might save from doing that by giving her hope."

Amber got chills. She wanted to help, but she wasn't ready for this responsibility "But how am I supposed to do it? I'm just me. Why don't you do it?"

"It has to be you, Amber, because you have a story to share, and you have a message that could save lives, right?"

Amber looked at Victoria with big eyes. "Right."

"So will you do it if I do it with you?"

"I guess I could give it a try," Amber muttered and was impressed with her own bravery. But inside she was still doubting whether she could actually do it.

"Great. I will set it up and let you know when. Just start thinking about what you will share when you get thirty minutes in front of a group of middle school kids, okay?"

"Okay, I will." Amber looked really pale and scared.

Victoria saw her fear. "Don't freak out, Amber, you can do this. And I will do it with you, okay?"

"Okay."

When she woke up the next morning, Amber couldn't understand how Victoria had gotten her to agree to do a talk about bullying and suicide. It was Saturday morning, and she was happy to have her weekly call with Marie.

"I should have said no," Amber exclaimed "It's a really bad idea."

"Why is it a bad idea?"

"Because I will make a fool out of myself and waste their time." Amber looked down.

"I can hear that you are scared, so let me ask you this. If you could save a life by making a fool of yourself, would you do it?"

Amber looked at Marie and didn't know what to say. What was it with this woman and her questions? She always looked at the world upside down. Marie sat patiently waiting for Amber's answer. "Yeah, if I knew I was saving a life, I guess I would," Amber finally said.

"Is it possible for a fool to save a life?" Marie had a vague smile on her face when she asked that question, and Amber felt confused. Was this another trick question?

"Ehhh... I think so?"

"You know, Amber, public speaking is the number one fear of all fears. What you are feeling is very natural. I help people deal with their stage fright, and I can tell you that even famous actors feel it. It's your brain's way of helping you take it seriously, but it's just your ego talking. Once you move your focus from your own vanity and self-doubt, you will find that you are there to serve, and the audience wants you to succeed just as much as you do."

Amber was quiet for a while thinking about Marie's words; it was hard to imagine Sandra Bullock or Brad Pitt being afraid of an audience.

"If you would like, I would be happy to teach you some techniques to help you make a great talk. Would you like that?"

"I think I need all the help I can get." Amber rolled her eyes.

"Okay, then. But for now, I want to salute you for taking action with your bake sale. I am impressed with your initiative. It kind of reminds me of a very short story." Marie smiled. "Would you like to hear it?" she asked. Amber nodded.

"Four people were sitting on a beach bench, and one decided to take a swim. How many people were left on the beach bench?"

"Three people?" Amber replied.

"No!" Marie laughed. "Four people, of course... It takes more than a decision to actually do something. It takes action, and with your bake sale, you took action, Amber." Marie's voice and facial expression were filled with admiration and made Amber feel warm inside.

"I believe you can do anything you set your mind to, and you will impact more people with your talk than you can ever imagine right now."

Amber nodded. Right now, she felt elated and confident.

"I'm going to do it," she said with determination.

Marie nodded and smiled back "I know you will."

#  CHAPTER 27  
Nightmares

Laura was doing homework in her room and felt exhausted. She hadn't slept much since school started two and half week ago. Every night, she would stay up to finish up her homework, but it wasn't as easy as it used to be. She needed to study harder, and even though she poured her heart and soul into her work, she still felt as though she was falling behind. On this year's first math test, she had gotten a C, which was unheard of in her world.

Internally, she was freaking out, and could feel how all her thoughts revolved around schoolwork and grades. She had hidden the math test from her parents in shame and was filled with anxiety about failing. _How did I go from being gifted to being stupid?_ she constantly asked herself, and her inner voice became harsher the more tired and afraid she got. Laura feared her days as a gifted honor student were soon to be over, and now, humiliating nightmares haunted her nightly.

Her parents could feel a difference in her, but whenever they asked her if she was okay, she always responded that everything was just fine. Laura found herself in the bathroom searching through the medicine cabinet for Jack's medicine. Besides being dyslexic, Jack was also diagnosed with ADHD, and his medicine helped him stay more focused. When he was diagnosed in fifth grade, it was a huge relief to their parents. With his diagnosis, they could explain why their son was not behaving normally. They would mention his diagnosis to other parents as a shield against judgment. After all, it wasn't their fault that their son was a troubled kid, it was because of his condition.

It was back then that Jack had gotten his first drum kit, and it had worked wonders. In the basement, he would practice for hours, using up his energy and releasing his frustration. It was not long before he discovered that he had a talent for music, and he enjoyed his time in the basement more and more. Nobody would tell him what to do and how to do it. It was just him and his drums.

_If I can only stay more focused, I could do better in school_ , Laura thought as she opened Jack's bottle of Ritalin pills. She swallowed one pill and counted the twenty-five remaining ones as she emptied them into her hand. She hid the pills in her room before walking downstairs to find her mom in the kitchen.

"Mom, you have to help me," Laura said with big frightened eyes.

Her mom turned around. "What's up, honey?"

"I accidently dropped Jack's pills and they all fell down on the floor," Laura lied.

"Oh? What were you doing with Jack's pills?"

"Nothing! I had a headache and was looking for some Advil when his pills got knocked over; I guess the lid was open or something." Laura looked entirely believable. "You have to help me, Mom! If I tell him, he will kill me. You know that." Laura's eyes were pleading.

Her mom sighed "Yeah, I know, but couldn't you just put them back in the glass?"

"That would be too gross, Mom; you always tell us not to eat things off the floor. So I flushed them."

Laura's mom went over to get her bag. "Don't worry. I still have a prescription. I'll run by the pharmacy and get some more before Jack finds out."

"Thank you, Mom. You're the best." Laura felt relieved.

She went upstairs again and shut the door to her room. She felt bad about lying to her mom, but she needed any help she could get to turn this school year around and avoid a grade-point disaster.

* * * * *

Jack was excited as he walked around his room. Only five more days to the concert, and he was so eager to impress the talent scout from Devine Records. This was it! Jack's chance to prove himself and to go places. Getting a record deal was far better than going to college. Jack wanted to be a star, he wanted recognition, and the thought of touring and sharing the group's music across the country was an adrenaline rush.

He threw himself on the bed and envisioned _Rolling Stone_ magazine with a picture of his band on the front cover. He smiled at the thought of how proud his parents would be then. He felt convinced that when TUA made it big, he would be rich and famous, and everything would be good. He could impress Elizabeth and buy her expensive gifts. He thought about what he would buy her if money was no issue, but he couldn't come up with much. She wasn't a girl to impress with jewelry and accessories. He would have to be much more creative than that.

Who else would he buy things for? He thought about his parents, and even though there was so much disappointment and resentment between them and him, he would still feel a tremendous joy in buying them a new car. The feeling of significance he would get, knowing that they would tell everyone that the car was a gift from their hugely successful son, felt sweet and rewarding.

He wouldn't buy anything for Laura. He didn't owe that self-righteous brat anything. She would be devastated, of course, to lose her place as their parents' favorite child. While he was out playing and partying with his band, she could just keep her brainy head in her books, studying hard to earn her own money one day. Jack smiled a crooked smile, thinking that he would still make more money as a rock star than she would ever make as a doctor or a lawyer. _I may not be as smart as her, but I have a talent and I plan to use it well_. He fell asleep dreaming about shouting fans, limousines, and money rolling in.

#  CHAPTER 28  
A first time for everything

Benjamin looked in the mirror and tried to style his hair. He was nervous, and no matter what he did, his hair didn't want to cooperate with him this morning. He had dark hair and lots of it, with a funky haircut that Amber loved to run her hands through. He looked at his brown eyes and tried to see what Amber saw when she called them "glowing." All he could see was the scar above his left eyebrow, which he got when he fell on the half pipe eight years ago. He always figured that scar made him look a bit tough, and he liked it.

The past year, he had grown a lot. He was taller and broader-chested than his father now, and as he looked at himself in the mirror, he decided that he was good-looking, even with rebellious hair. He brushed his teeth and put on deodorant before he walked out of the bathroom.

He had a feeling that today would be a historic day for him. Chances were that this day would be the day that he and Amber would make love for the first time. They had talked about it for months and spent the whole summer texting back and forth about it. He had bought condoms two weeks ago and practiced putting them on. He wanted Amber to be his first, and knew she felt the same way about him. They had been kissing and hanging out at her house after school while her mom was at work. They actually managed to do some homework, but they always ended up kissing and cuddling. For Benjamin, it was the highlight of his day, his week, and basically his year. Every second he spent kissing Amber made sense. It was so effortless and natural, and yesterday he had told her face to face that he really wanted to make love to her. Somehow, writing it in messages was easier. Saying it had been difficult; he was so afraid that she would feel pressured and get mad at him. But Amber had smiled and answered. "I know. Me, too."

Today, he was bringing the condoms and hoping that it would actually happen. He was sixteen and felt like a walking bunch of hormones; Amber was constantly on his mind. He had made love to her a thousand times in his mind, and right now, the seven hours of school that he had to endure before he could be alone with her felt like an eternity.

* * * * *

Amber had butterflies in her stomach. She looked at the clock above the door. Her focus was not on the kind of biology the teacher was talking about. Her thoughts had moved on to Benjamin and her, and she felt nervous. She had read so many novels and even talked to an old friend about her first time, and now she felt ready to open the door to this next chapter of her life. Being with Benjamin felt so good, and it made every part of her body want to make love to him. She trusted him completely and felt no doubt that he would respect her boundaries and stop if she asked him to. _Tomorrow, when I come to school, I will no longer be a virgin_ , she thought and closed her eyes, thinking of how it would feel to be with Benjamin.

After school, they walked home to Amber's house. For the first time, Benjamin wasn't a chatterbox and Amber could tell that he was just as nervous as she was. She, too, found it hard to talk about mundane things, so they walked in silence, exchanging looks, as if to say, "Are we really going to do this?"

Benjamin closed the door behind him and locked it. When he turned around, Amber was already sitting on her bed. He took a deep breath and walked towards her. Amber looked at him, as he sat down next to her. She turned her head and kissed him and could feel how stiff and tense he was. She felt the same way and figured it was the pressure of expectations.

They kissed, but for the first time Amber didn't feel turned on by it. His tongue was too aggressive in her mouth, like he was trying too hard, and it didn't feel as natural as it normally did between them. Benjamin took off his shirt and started to pull up Amber's blouse. She helped him undress both himself and her, and suddenly she felt shy about it. _What's going on?_ She thought. _It feels all different, almost technical and cold_.

As she lay naked under her blanket she watched Benjamin sitting on the side of her bed. He had an expression of deep concentration on his face as he opened a condom. Amber lay still and waited, feeling alarms going off in her mind. This was not how it was supposed to feel. What was happening? Where was the humor and desire that normally flowed so effortlessly between them? Benjamin behaved so differently, and she didn't like it at all. Amber started to wonder how long it was supposed to take to get a condom on. She noticed that Benjamin's breathing was different. "What's wrong?" she asked.

Benjamin's looked down. "I'm sorry, I don't know what's going on." Benjamin's voice sounded weak and apologetic.

"Can't you get it on?" Amber asked.

Benjamin was too ashamed to turn his head and look at her. "My erection is gone." He said very softly. Amber took a deep breath, and she almost felt relief in her body. She wasn't turned on by the situation anyway, so missing out on sex right now was completely okay with her. She pulled Benjamin down to her and covered him under the blanket.

"Don't worry about it." She kissed him. "We have the rest of our lives to make love. It doesn't have to be today." Benjamin felt like a complete joke, and all his expectations of having sex were flushed away. He was grateful that Amber wasn't upset or disappointed with him and turned his head to look at her. "I didn't plan it like this," he apologized and looked sad.

"Don't worry, Benjamin." Amber leaned over and kissed him, and he responded by kissing her back and pulling her close to him. Amber smiled, when she suddenly felt him rise against her stomach. She giggled and looked at him.

"I thought you didn't feel like playing?"

"Watch me." Benjamin smiled and made his way down her body, licking and kissing her. Amber's breathing started to get deeper, and she squirmed as he bit her nipples softly. She closed her eyes and spread her legs enough for Benjamin to get in between them. He looked at her, and she could see love and excitement in his eyes. Her hands went through his hair and she moaned as his mouth reached her inner thighs. She could feel his fingers and his tongue, and it turned her on. This was how it was supposed to feel. With an inviting smile she whispered, "I want you."

Benjamin returned her smile and kissed her slowly up to her belly. Sitting on his knees in front of her he pulled out a condom and started to put in on. Amber could feel her heart race and admired how beautiful he looked. His crooked smile was sexy, and slowly they merged fingers while keeping eye contact. "Are you ready to do this?" Ben asked with eyes burning from lust and love.

"Yes." Amber felt more aroused than ever and pushed herself against him as he slowly lifted himself into her. He kept looking at her, searching for signs of discomfort but when she smiled, he surrendered to the mysterious new feeling of being surrounded by her for the first time, and he closed his eyes to savor the moment. He started moving his body slowly, making sure that he wasn't hurting her.

Amber put her legs around him. The feeling of him inside her was strange. It was painful and wonderful at the same time. The initial pain was replaced by pleasure and made her push against him, signaling that she was enjoying it and wanted him to pick up the pace. "It's okay, Ben, you are not hurting me – I like it," she whispered, and it made him pick up the rhythm and look down at her. Amber was a goddess to him, and he soon felt an explosion of ecstasy in his body, and with his eyes closed he moaned, "Oh, Amber, I'm coming." Amber could feel his body freeze as he emptied himself inside her.

Benjamin's eyes were shining with awe when he opened them and met hers. "Oh my God, Amber, I love you so much." He kissed her deeply. "Thank you."

Amber could feel his warm chest against her breast and how his heart was racing; she smiled back at him and put her arms around his head. "I love you too, Benjamin." She placed a kiss on his nose.

Benjamin kissed her jaw and bit her ear. "I'm so sorry I couldn't hold it longer. I promise I'll do better next time."

"Don't worry about it." Amber smiled. "I'll take it as a compliment."

As they lay together, Benjamin couldn't help smiling. Being with Amber was the best thing that ever happened to him, and having sex with her was his new favorite thing in the world. He was just hoping she felt the same way.

#  CHAPTER 29  
The concert

Jack, Kevin, Joshua, and Dylan were backstage. They could hear the warm-up music playing and were getting ready to go on stage.

Dylan peeked out through the curtain. "This place is packed!"

"Just do as we agreed, okay?" Joshua looked nervous.

"We can totally do this," Jack said and jumped up and down while stretching.

"Ready?" Joshua asked and put his hand out.

"Ready!" Jack, Dylan, and Kevin put their hands on top of his.

" _Rock them hard_!" they shouted and raised their hands before they jogged onto the stage.

As soon as the crowd saw them, they started cheering. A few moments later, the guys found themselves lost in the music, and for a moment they forgot about the talent scout and fed on the energy of the audience. This was their best performance by far. Jack was phenomenal on the drums, Kevin and Dylan played awesome solos on the bass and the keyboard, and Joshua was on fire with the microphone and his guitar.

Joshua knew Sara was standing in the audience somewhere, and he felt confident, as he had the crowd singing and clapping along. The energy was amazing, and the band felt the excitement rise for every song they played.

"Thank you guys, you are best the audience in the world. _We love you_!" Joshua shouted into the microphone. The concert was coming to a close. "This last song is dedicated to one of you girls out there." Girls were screaming in the audience. "This is for my girlfriend, Sara... I love you!"

Sara was standing in the audience, and she could feel her stomach turn. _Oh no, Joshua did not just say that..._ She looked up at him and knew he couldn't see her, because he was blinded by the stage lights. She turned around and bumped into Victoria, who could see panic in her eyes. "What's up?" Victoria asked.

Sara waved her hand in the air, as to say, "I need fresh air."

"Come on." Victoria made her way and pulled Sara with her through the crowd.

As soon as they got outside, she turned around and looked at Sara. "What's going on, Sara?"

Sara started crying. "I don't know... but I can't do this."

"What do you mean?"

"It's too much for me. I don't know how to do it right."

Victoria looked puzzled at Sara. "Could you give me more to go on here? I am not even sure what we are talking about. Come sit here." Victoria pulled Sara to a bench.

"Joshua declaring his love for me and all." Sara's breathing was shallow and quick.

Victoria put a hand of Sara's shoulder "Slow down, Sara... don't you love him?"

Sara closed her eyes, trying to calm herself down. "I do!"

"Then what is the problem?" Victoria looked genuinely concerned and confused.

"I want to be his girlfriend, and I want to make him happy, but he is always three steps ahead of me, and I always feel like I disappoint him. Like I don't know how to be a good girlfriend." Tears starting falling down Sara's cheeks.

"I see." Victoria frowned. "It sounds like you need to talk to him."

Sara sighed and looked down. "Sometimes I think about breaking up with him because I feel he deserves someone better than me."

"But he doesn't want anyone but you, does he?" Victoria asked.

"No, I don't think so." Sara had tears in her eyes.

"Okay, listen. Here's the thing, Sara. I don't have a lot of experience with guys, so I may not be the expert, but my mom always says this: If you love someone, showing them is better than telling them. If you stop loving someone, telling them is better than showing them."

Sara stopped crying as she ran Victoria's words through her head.

"So, I have to show him that I love him?"

"I think so, and maybe you should give yourself some credit, because whatever you are doing seems to be working for him; otherwise I doubt that he would have just told the whole world that he loves you."

Sara dried her eyes... "Thank you, Vic."

"My pleasure, sweetie." Victoria gave Sara a hug, grabbed her arm, and smiled. "Come on, let's support that crazy-in-love boyfriend of yours." They went inside to see the audience screaming, stomping and shouting for an extra song.

Sara looked up at Joshua, who held his arm out and silenced the crowd. "Okay, guys, let's do this." The drums started beating, and a popular song called "Living Purple" filled the room. The audience was jumping up and down, and everywhere Sara looked, she saw teenage kids singing along. Everyone knew the lyrics. The atmosphere was contagious, and she started jumping along, laughing and singing with Victoria.

At the end of the concert, Joshua, Jack, Dylan, and Kevin all felt like this had been their best concert ever, and they just hoped the talent scout had actually come tonight and witnessed them rock the Old Train Station. They were relieved and excited when Bryan Donnelly from Devine Records came back stage to meet them.

"I like your style." He looked at Joshua. "I was there for the second half. You're a true star, my friend." Dylan, Jack, Kevin, and Joshua were high on adrenaline after the concert, and could hardly comprehend that they were actually standing behind the curtain talking to a representative from a big record company.

"I know your fans want to get your autographs, and you should get out there, but I just wanted to let you know that I was impressed by your live performance tonight."

Joshua shook Bryan's hand. "Thank you so much. That is awesome."

"I will talk to my people and call you next week, okay?" Bryan waved as he left them, and he had barely closed the door behind him before the guys started cheering.

"This is epic, dudes." Kevin pulled his hair. "Tonight was magical, right?"

"Right!" Jack said and felt incredible. "Let's get out there and meet our fans."

They took time to sign autographs and take pictures with their fans. In the end, Elizabeth came up and asked to have a picture with the four of them. "Just so I can tell my future kids that I knew you in high school," she smiled.

Jack was filled with adrenaline from the concert, and he put his arm around Elizabeth as they all posed for the camera. When she turned around to say thank you, he kissed her without even thinking. Elizabeth pulled back and looked at him with an astonished expression on her face. No one else seemed to have noticed; the other guys were already being pulled away by other friends and fans.

"Why did you do that?" she asked with wonder. Jack saw no signs of rejection, only kindness, so he laughed.

"I was just thinking you needed a dad for those future kids of yours."

Elizabeth burst into laughter and gave him a hug. "Oh my God, Jack, you are hilarious." He understood that she thought he was making a joke, but he wasn't, and he needed to know how she felt about him. On a high from giving the concert, he dared to do things he would normally never do, so as she hugged him, he put his arms around her and whispered in her ear, "I am not joking, Elizabeth, I really like you." For a moment, she didn't move. They just stood there hugging each other. Finally, she pulled back and looked at him with her head tilted. "You know, Jack, I am very honored that you feel that way."

"And you?" He looked at her with a hopeful expression.

"I don't know... I have to think about it. Is that okay?" She said it slowly, examining him, as if she was seeing him for the first time. He leaned over and kissed her again. "Maybe we could spend some time together while you think about it?"

"Yeah, I think I would like that." Elizabeth smiled before she turned around and walked away.

Jack closed his eyes. _Most perfect day ever!_

#  CHAPTER 30  
Free falling

The next week went by painfully slowly for the band members. Kevin even started biting his nails again as they waited to hear from Bryan from Devine Records. Joshua constantly checked his phone, but nothing happened, and by Friday, they were wrecks.

"Why don't you just call him?" Elizabeth asked at lunch, and received only sighs and moaning in return. "Honestly, guys, I don't even recognize the rock kings from last weekend. It's really not the end of the world. You can just spread a video on YouTube and put it out there for people to enjoy, couldn't you?

"Yeah, but we wouldn't make any money on that, would we?" Kevin snapped at Elizabeth, but she calmly replied.

"You know, if you are only in it for the money, it's never going to bring you any long-term joy anyway. You guys have a gift to share, and you don't need a record company to do that. Make a video and put it on YouTube. Send your demos to all the radio stations. Use your imagination and make it about you sharing your gift and not about getting rich and famous."

The four band members looked at Elizabeth and then at each other. "We should totally do that," Dylan exclaimed and Kevin interrupted.

"I know someone who could help us film it, and we could probably find some hot chicks at school to be in the video, too."

Elizabeth smiled as the four guys chatted and discussed their new plans. When she walked away from the table, her eyes met Jack's, and she nodded to him and mouthed the words "I'll call you." He smiled and returned to the brainstorming.

* * * * *

Laura saw Jack sitting with his band, but they had an unspoken agreement not to get in each other's way at school, so she passed without even a nod.

Laura was feeling uncomfortable; she was sweating, and her heart raced. She wondered if it was due to the pills or the pressure she was under. She felt more irritated; everyone seemed to be getting on her nerves. _I thought the pills were supposed to make Jack less irritable_ , she thought, and suddenly she felt a brief moment of sympathy for her brother. Jack had seemed different lately, happier and less on her back. She reckoned it was the chance of a record deal that had mellowed him out at home.

Laura didn't have a positive outlook about anything. She was filled with feelings of inadequacy and frustration. Every day, she felt angrier with Sara. Seeing her pretty little face in school was torture, and it brought out the worst in Laura. After slamming the door in her face, she had thought about Sara a lot. She wondered what Joshua saw in her, and she wondered what Sara had told him about her. Laura did everything she could to be cold to Sara, and she would completely ignore her at school unless she had something really mean to say.

Sometimes Laura got mad at herself for letting Sara get on her nerves. She was smart enough to know that she was acting out of jealousy, and yet she couldn't help but do it again and again, when waves of pure hatred came over her. It was obvious that Sara kept a low profile around Laura. Rationally, Laura knew that she was being a jerk to Sara, but she hated how easy Sara's life seemed. And with all the anger growing inside of her, it felt good to have a place to direct it.

Laura's mind wandered back to an incident that had taken place the day before. She had passed Sara on the way out of English class and had pushed her with her shoulder, which almost made Sara trip. Laura had simply laughed at Sara's hurt expression, but as Sara walked away Laura noticed Victoria running after Sara and saying something to her. It bothered Laura that Victoria took Sara's side, and it bothered her that Victoria had returned with reproachful eyes.

"What did you say to her?" Laura asked.

"I just told her not to attend every fight she is invited to," Victoria said.

"What is that supposed to mean?" Laura said with a mocking tone.

"It means that we are all either a warning or an inspiration to people around us, and you just gave her the opportunity to inspire others."

Laura got a hard knot in her stomach. "Is that so? In what way, Vic?" Laura had raised her voice, and she could feel other kids paying attention to their discussion.

"By not reciprocating your abuse." The word "abuse" coming from Victoria's mouth cut a hole in Laura's heart. She had never seen herself as an abusive person; she thought of herself as the victim, taking endless abuse from her brother Jack.

"Sara is no inspiration; she is just too weak to stand up for herself." Laura tried to act indifferent to Victoria's words and distance herself from what she felt for Victoria.

"You are wrong, Laura!" Victoria had authority in her voice now, and she seemed unaware of the group of students that surrounded them now.

"It takes courage and strength to go to school and meet people who behave like you. Getting out of bed and being able to focus on your grades while people are whispering about you and you get personally attacked again and again is an accomplishment. I salute Sara for putting up with your behavior day in and day out." Victoria looked Laura straight in the eyes.

"So why don't you just say that you hate me, Vic, and go run off to your little precious friend Sara." Laura was close to shouting, and couldn't believe Victoria could reject and humiliate her like this.

Victoria took a step closer to Laura. "Don't you get it, Laura? I've always liked you! I just don't like the way you behave towards Sara, and I care enough about you to tell you so."

"Whatever!" Laura turned away from Victoria dismissively and made her way through the students surrounding them. She didn't have to take this from anyone, not even a good old friend like Victoria.

Laura gathered her thoughts again and tried not to think about the episode from yesterday. She was torn between rational thinking and emotional distress, and pushed all thoughts of Victoria's harsh words away. She went to her locker and found some pills she had hidden in a pencil box. Discreetly, she counted fifteen and took one. _How am I going to get more when they are gone? I can't keep stealing Jack's pills_ , she thought and wondered how many pills she could take from him without him noticing.

_I will have to buy some pills_ , she realized, and got chills. She had heard the rumors and knew it was easy to get drugs at school. There were students selling it, and she also knew of other kids who used Ritalin to survive the homework pressure. _Getting medication is not like taking drugs_ , she convinced herself.

The following week, Laura could see her stack of pills going down, and she started asking around discreetly at school to find new supplies. She was surprised by how easy it was, and that the student selling them was someone she would never have suspected to be involved in that sort of thing. The pills worked, and she felt more focused and able to study. She didn't need as much sleep as before, and even when she did go to bed at a decent hour, she couldn't sleep anyway. She had read online that insomnia was a common side effect, and she found herself up late at night, restless and wide awake. She went downstairs to get some water and was surprised to find Jack in the kitchen. "What are you doing here?" she asked.

"Couldn't sleep... like you, I guess." Jack replied in an almost-friendly tone.

"How is school?" she asked to make conversation while she got her water.

"Fine... or... you know."

Laura nodded "Yeah, I know."

"And you... how is school for you?" Jack sounded as if he was genuinely interested, and Laura couldn't believe that they were actually having a real conversation.

"Not so good," she said and wondered why she had just told him that.

"Really? That's a first... what's going on?" Jack was surprised by her honesty with him.

Laura sat down in front of Jack and looked at him. She had been carrying the burden for so long. "Do you really want to know?" she said slowly. He nodded and she told him about the burden of homework, her anxiety, her fear of disappointing their parents, her C on the math test and how she had hidden the test from their parents. She didn't tell him about the pills or Sara but looked at him, as if awaiting judgment.

"Damn, Sis, and I thought I was the troubled kid in this family!" Jack looked at her with sympathy. Laura's eyes watered. She was not used to any kindness from Jack, and seeing him look sorry for her amplified how screwed-up her situation was. "Don't tell Mom and Dad, all right?"

He nodded "All right, I won't, but you have to go to sleep and get some rest."

Laura got up and dried her tears away. She suddenly felt completely drained, like a balloon that had been popped. She felt a little lighter after talking to Jack, and she quickly fell asleep in her bed.

* * * * *

Jack had not expected to have a conversation about his sister's worries in the middle of the night. It was a surprise to him that she was so miserable, and he actually felt sorry for her. Somehow, his anger towards Laura had dampened over the last month. He wondered if Elizabeth had anything to do with it.

Not that they had spoken much about Laura, but Elizabeth seemed to inspire him to always look for the best in people. It was just who she was, and he had teased her about it once.

"Don't you ever gossip about people or trash them?"

Elizabeth had taken his question more seriously than it was meant, answering, "You know, Jack, I used to do that when I was younger, because I didn't know any better, but I found that when I was looking for the worst in people, it became all I could see... my mom challenged me to always search for the beauty in others. When I started doing that, I became blinded by the greatness of people around me. You should try it sometime."

"I don't know. Seems a bit naive to me. It's like you don't even see people for who they are sometimes."

Elizabeth smiled at him. "What do you mean?"

"Well, you always look for the best intentions with people, but sometimes, people are just evil and greedy and don't have good intentions."

"Interesting point." Elizabeth looked like she was thinking before she spoke. "I challenge you to try to think positive thoughts for a week." She smiled at him with that gentle, loving smile he was so attracted to. "Putting people down is not hard, and anyone can do it... would you agree?"

"I'm not so sure." Jack raised his eyebrows. "I strongly doubt the Queenies can do it. You and your sister are both way too nice to be mean to anyone."

"Hmmm, I don't know about that, Jack; nobody's perfect. But in general, I would like to think that you are right. Anyway, building people up gives you much more joy and fulfillment, long-term."

Even though Jack had just laughed and never actually committed to Elizabeth's challenge, he found himself constantly trying to push away the judgmental and harsh thoughts that he was thinking about others. He found himself trying to focus on good things instead. It was hard, but he felt a million times better about himself, and he realized that he could have never had this unexpected conversation with his sister if he hadn't practiced his skills of staying positive and open. Jack was grateful for Elizabeth's influence and the way she had already affected his life. He liked being this new Jack and felt good about himself for a change. As he walked past his sister's room on his way to bed, he put his head against her door and listened. He couldn't hear a sound and hoped she was sleeping tight. Little Miss Perfect's life wasn't so perfect after all. Who would have thought?

#  CHAPTER 31  
The talk

"When is the talk?" Marie was excited about the news that Amber had just shared with her.

"This Thursday, and I'm both scared and excited about it."

"Great, Amber. I know you will do fine... how many kids are coming again?"

"Well, we are talking to the eighth graders at Vic's old school, so I guess around sixty or seventy students..."

"So do you have your talk figured out?"

"Yes, and Vic and I went over it a few times yesterday, but you said you would give me a few tips about speaking."

"You're right, I did. The first thing I will say is that the kids won't be able to remember any statistics or heavy information you give them, so you have to talk to their hearts to get to them."

"How do I do that?" Amber looked confused.

"If you use stories, they will remember how you made them feel. You can use your story; it's the most powerful tool you have to make them care and remember."

"Okay."

"Also, remember your focus: it's not about you, it's about them!"

Amber nodded.

"Also, your intro is important. If you can be one hundred percent certain about your intro, you will get a good start and come across calm and relaxed. That is very important."

"Okay." Amber took a few notes.

"The last tip I will give you today is the five-second rule. Do you know it?"

Amber shook her head. "No."

"Okay, then. Let me explain. When you are in front of an audience, you need to know where to look. Do you look above their heads, in between their heads, or do you look at every one of them individually? Often, speakers are scared of looking at the audience, and that's not good, because then your audience won't connect with you." Marie paused. "But then again, some speakers want to reach everyone in their audience, so their eyes sweep over the crowd. That's not good either, because it will make you look almost manic. The five-second rule means that you lock in on someone and then you speak to that person for five seconds. It may sound easy, but keeping eye contact with a stranger for five seconds can be a challenge for many."

"But what about the rest of the audience? Don't I need to look at them?"

"Yes." Marie nodded. "But every time you look at someone from a distance, at least four or five people surrounding them are going to think that you are looking at them."

After talking to Marie, Amber felt good, as always. Marie was a great resource in her life, and she was grateful that her parents paid Marie to help her. She got up in front of the mirror and she rehearsed her introduction over and over again, as Marie had told her to. She felt fairly confident but was still happy that Victoria was doing the talk with her.

When Thursday came around, Amber felt nauseous and nervous. Victoria and Amber left in the afternoon with permission from the principal to skip their last two classes. Victoria seemed surprisingly cool. "Aren't you nervous?" Amber asked.

"Off course I am! Isn't it wonderful and exciting?"

"What do you mean by wonderful and exciting? I feel like I am going to be sick."

"Don't worry. You won't. It's just your nerves telling you to be alert, to make sure you take it seriously. We will be fine, I know it." Victoria smiled in an attempt to comfort Amber.

When they drove up to the school, Amber started sweating, and she could feel her heart race. She looked out the window and saw kids playing at recess.

Suddenly, her fear of rejection and being bullied returned, and her breathing got faster.

"I don't think I can do this." Amber's eyes were wide open and full of fear.

Victoria looked at her. "Okay, that's fine. I'll explain it to the principal. I'm sure she will understand, and you know... we can always send flowers, if someone actually does commit suicide, right?"

Amber looked at Victoria with indignation. "Why are you being so morbid?"

"I didn't mean to be morbid, Amber. I am just trying to remind you why we are here, and who we are doing this for... Look at them, Amber." Amber turned her head and looked at the kids playing soccer and others hanging out on benches.

"What do you see?" Victoria asked her.

"Kids having fun, I guess."

"Really? Look again, Amber, because I see a kid whose parents are getting divorced, one who lost a family member to cancer, one who feels betrayed by her best friends. I see another who feels like a failure, who fears disappointing his parents, and I see kids who feel bullied and kids who are thinking about how to end their misery." Victoria's voice sounded almost angry with Amber for a moment. Amber looked at all the kids, searching for signs of how they were feeling. "How do you see that? Do you know them?"

"No, Amber. You're missing the point... they are people, and people go through stuff... you did, right?"

"Yeah."

"Then let's do what we came here for. Let's go and help them, okay?"

Amber took a deep breath. "Okay."

* * * * *

"...And so, I tried to end my life that day." Amber could hear a gasp go through the crowd. She wasn't nervous anymore, and had managed to tell her story openly and honestly to the crowd of eighth graders sitting in front of her. Victoria had started the talk. She had explained about suicide and introduced Amber as a survivor of "bullycide."

The kids in the audience followed Amber's every move, and she felt she had their full attention as she was telling her story. Her confidence grew, as she explained how she had felt before making that decision. She remembered what Marie had told her, and as she was talking about some of the nasty Facebook comments, she kept eye contact with a young girl. "Everywhere I looked, I saw darkness and I felt so alone and isolated. I felt so sorry for myself." After five seconds, Amber noticed how the girl's eyes started to water, and tears welled up underneath them.

She continued her story, moving on to look at a boy in front. "I was lucky... my friends found me. They saved my life... and I am deeply grateful for that, because today I have very good friends, and the best boyfriend ever, and I really love my life. I would have missed out on all of that, if I hadn't been saved that day." The boy broke into a warm smile and she smiled back.

Victoria stepped in and thanked Amber for sharing her story. "Are there any questions?" Victoria asked the audience. There were a few long moments when no one moved or said anything. Amber felt herself wanting to fidget, but a girl in the front row raised her hand. "How can we see if someone is planning to commit suicide?"

"That is a great question. I can share some typical signs to watch out for," Victoria said. "If one of your friends starts behaving differently, showing signs of depression and deep sadness, or even sudden euphoria, that's a sign. If your friend starts talking about suicide and is researching it, ask them why. If they give away their possessions and say things like 'I don't need it anymore,' that's a red flag. If they write about death or do art that expresses death, be concerned. And of course, if they say goodbye in a post or in person, always tell an adult right away."

A boy from the back of the room raised his hand with a question. "What is the most common way of committing suicide?"

Amber could see Victoria pause for a while. "Why do you want to know... are you doing research?" She smiled at him and got a smile back. The crowd started laughing.

"I can tell you this much. Girls are more likely to attempt suicide than boys, and boys are more likely to use dangerous methods and thereby succeed. Poisoning, suffocation, and use of firearms are the most common ways of committing suicide, and some of these methods are rather thoughtless toward the people finding the victim. Imagine a younger brother finding his sister hanging from the ceiling fan or his brother shot, with blood on the wall."

Amber looked at Victoria. The graphic language was a bit too much for Amber's taste, but the audience seemed to get the point, and many of them nodded. A girl raised her hand and looked at Amber. "Do you regret it, and what would you have done differently today?"

"Yes, I regret it! I don't think I really understood that suicide doesn't stop the pain, it just gives it to someone else. Knowing what I know now, I would have asked for help. It was a desperate decision, and I don't believe I ever really wanted to die. I just wanted my emotional pain to stop."

Victoria joined in. "No one should throw their lives away, and if you need someone to talk to, you can always talk to the school counselor or call a suicide hotline." The students started to murmur among themselves as Amber and Victoria's allotted time drew to an end. "Thank you all for listening," Victoria said. "We hope to have informed and inspired you all to always choose life and be kind to one another."

The students clapped, and Victoria took Amber's hand as they watched the kids walk out of the cafeteria. A teacher and the principal of the school came over. "Thank you, girls, you did really well!" the teacher said, and the principal put her arm around Amber's shoulders.

"I am so glad you survived and chose to share your story with our kids today. It is a brave thing to do, and it shows what an amazing person you are. Would you mind if I give your number to a few principal colleagues? Maybe they could use a visit at their school too."

Amber could feel tears in her eyes and was overwhelmed by the empathy and kindness radiating from the principal. "Thank you," she replied, touched and humbled. A group of kids approached Amber and Victoria and started to share their thanks and thoughts on suicide and bullying.

When Amber and Victoria finally walked to the car, they couldn't help feeling high from joy. They had actually done it, and no one had laughed at them or made fun of them. It had been one of the scariest things that Amber had ever done, but she was ready to do it again – anytime. She felt exhilarated by the feeling of personal growth and contribution that flushed through her body. "I was way out of my comfort zone in the beginning, but as soon as I could see them paying attention and listening, I completely forgot about myself... it was soooo freaking cool." Amber's eyes were glowing.

Victoria stopped to hug Amber, "You rocked, girl."

"Amber." Amber turned around to see who was calling her name. She saw a young girl standing behind her, looking very pale and fragile, with sad eyes and a pretty face. "This is for you." She handed a note to Amber. "I won't need it anymore. Thank you." There was a vague smile and then she turned around to run back to her classmates.

Victoria called to her from the car. "Come on, Amber. If we hurry, I can make my basketball training. I'll drop you off on my way back to school." Amber put the note in her pocket and got in the car.

When she got home, she called everyone: Benjamin, her mom, her dad, Sara, and even her grandmother. She was so proud and excited about the talk and wanted to share her happiness with everyone. When she hung up from her last call, she had a big smile on her lips. She felt so alive as she went through everything in her mind: the questions, the response from the teacher and the principal, and the chats she'd had with the students afterwards.

Suddenly, she remembered the girl from the parking lot, and she pulled up the note from her pocket.

Dear Mom and Dad,

My heart is broken and it can never be healed again!

I have tried and tried to stay positive as you always tell me to, but I have no strength left to think happy thoughts anymore. I feel all alone and cry all the time. This is not a life.

I want you to know that it's not your fault, I just don't fit in here and have no friends left, everyone hates me!

Please forgive me for leaving you. I will always love you.

Carmen

Amber read the note over and over again. It gave her chills and made her eyes water. This was a letter she herself could have written not so long ago. This girl was in so much pain and was actually considering suicide. _I have to do something_ , Amber thought and started going over her options, but she remembered what the girl had said. "I won't need it anymore."

Tears started running down Amber's cheeks as she thought about what would have happened if Victoria hadn't pushed her to follow through with her talk today. A thought made her heart freeze. What if someone else is thinking about suicide right now, but no one comes to their school? She picked up her cell and wrote to Victoria, " _Which school is the next? Call me, we have a mission!_ "

Everything seemed to click inside Amber. It all made sense now. Her devastation and suicide attempt were part of a bigger plan, she thought as she looked up towards the sky. She closed her eyes and said to herself, _I want to spread hope and wisdom among kids. I am here to help_. Amber had never seen herself as religious, but in this moment she felt spiritually connected to all young people caught in "hell" on earth – the place she'd been lucky enough to escape from. She envisioned her inner warrior putting on a set of armor and standing up for a crusade to spread light in dark places.

#  CHAPTER 32  
Christmas

"I can't believe it's Christmas in only two weeks." Benjamin emptied his can of Coke and looked at Amber and Sara, who were finishing their lunch in the school cafeteria.

"I know. It seems like we just started school, right?"

Ben rolled his eyes "Are you kidding me, Sara? You and school!"

"So, Amber, have you bought all your Christmas presents yet?" Sara said to change the subject.

"Sort of. I just need a small thing for you." Amber grinned. "I was thinking of a piano lesson. After all, you seem to really like your piano teacher!"

Sara laughed. "No, thank you, I'm good." Thoughts of the confusing afternoon sitting so close to Joshua for the first time made her smile as if she was thinking of a private joke.

Benjamin effectively brought her back to the now when he jumped up. "Come on, soldiers, it's time to go." He had them marching out the cafeteria pretending to be a sergeant commanding his soldiers to move, which had Sara and Amber in fits.

"Hey, guys." Joshua came from behind and caught up with them. "What's so funny?"

"Oh, nothing, it's just Ben having fun as always." Sara smiled at Joshua and noticed a group of girls following him closely with their eyes. Her expression instantly hardened, and it made Joshua follow the direction of her eyes. "Don't worry about them, Sara." He tried to distract her.

"Why would I be worried?" Sara looked confident and took his hand. It was the first time ever that she had done that at school, and Joshua met her eyes with a surprised expression. His eyes continued down to their hands. It was like he couldn't believe this was actually happening, after all the arguments about his feeling rejected by her at school. He felt a wave of joy coming over him and knew this was a huge step for Sara. He squeezed her hand, and she squeezed back. "So, I was thinking, Josh, what do you want for Christmas?" Sara smiled.

Joshua turned his head and looked at Sara. "You know what I want. Time with you and a record deal, that's all I'm asking for."

Sara chuckled. "Yes, I know, you are a very modest guy." She knew Joshua and the guys had finally heard back from the talent scout. He had praised their style and their performance but had not offered them the record deal. After waiting so long for the answer, they had already figured it out, for the most part.

"So, I was thinking you could come over to my house on the weekend and eat dinner with us. My parents would like to meet you. It would just be a nice family dinner.

Joshua suddenly had a Christmas sparkle in his eyes. "I would love to."

"Great." Sara felt relieved that Joshua sounded almost excited about meeting her parents. Hopefully they wouldn't be too embarrassing. The two minutes Joshua got to hold Sara's hand, before they had to split up and go to different classes, was a rush for him. No more keeping it low and holding back; they were a couple now, and she was finally ready to tell the world. This was huge!

* * * * *

On Sunday evening, Joshua found himself eating dinner with the Singh family.

Sara's mom was a beautiful woman with light skin like her daughter, and he could see where Sara got her looks. She had prepared a traditional Indian dish and encouraged him to eat several times. Sara's father was an engineer in the aviation industry and seemed very bright. Joshua wondered if he had a photographic memory like Sara. Both of her parents had the most wonderful Indian accents, even though they had been in America for many years.

Her two younger twin brothers kept asking Joshua about the band and wanted their parents to let them go to a concert with TUA.

"You are too young." Their father shut them down and turned to Joshua. "So, what are your plans after high school?"

Joshua was a bit nervous and wanted to make a good impression. "I am not sure, sir; I have applied for some different universities and am waiting for replies. I would, however, like to dedicate a year to playing music and touring with the band."

Sara's father nodded. "Interesting... what do your parents do?"

"My dad is a judge, and my mom is a lawyer." This was one of the few situations in which he felt happy they had prestigious titles. He knew Sara's father would be pleased.

"Oh, that sounds like a lot of work." Sara's mother passed around her homemade Naan bread and smiled at Joshua.

"It is! They do work a lot." Joshua took a piece of bread and smiled at Sara's mom.

"But I am confused about your ethnicity." Sara's father looked with curiosity at Joshua.

Sara squealed uncomfortably in her chair and gave her dad a look of embarrassment.

"What? I am just saying I'm confused." Sara's father lifted his hand to signal his confusion.

Joshua smiled. "That's quite all right, sir. It's because I am a bit of a mix. My father was adopted and came to America as an infant, but his biological parents were an African-American father and a Vietnamese mother."

Sara's father nodded. "Okay, and your mother?"

"My mother is white." Joshua smiled politely.

Sara's mother looked at Sara with humor in her eyes. "I always thought mixed races are the most beautiful ones."

Sara felt like dying. She was utterly embarrassed by her parents for interrogating Joshua like this, and they were completely ignorant about the fact that discussions of race were taboo among Americans.

When they were finally done with the meal, Sara asked Joshua, "Would you like to see my room?"

"Sure, that would be fun. Thank you for this lovely meal, Mrs. Singh." Joshua smiled at Sara's mother, who was clearly smitten with his charm and good looks.

"You're welcome, Joshua." She turned to Sara. "I will come up with some tea in a minute, and remember what we agreed."

"Yes, Mom, we will leave the door open." Sara rolled her eyes when she was sure her mom couldn't see her.

* * * * *

Sara's room was nothing like Joshua had imagined.

"Really? What did you expect, then?"

"I don't know. I think I had this image of pictures of Albert Einstein and other geniuses on your walls, and science equipment and tons of books, I guess." He looked around and Sara followed his eyes as he took in the atmosphere and details of her room.

"Do you like it?"

"Yes. I like it a lot. It's much more cozy and girlish than I had expected."

Sara's room had an abundance of warm colors. She had beautiful Indian patterned textiles as bedding and pillows. From the ceiling hung silk drapes, making her bed romantic and almost royal in a way. "This is very exotic... so different from any of my friends' rooms." Joshua looked around. She had so many interesting things, like sticks of incense and figures of Indian goddesses. Joshua picked up a figure of a four-armed goddess playing some sort of guitar.

"Who is this?"

"That is Saraswati. I was named Sarada after her." Joshua turned the figure in his hands and looked at Sara. "Why would your parents name you after a four-armed woman?"

Sara laughed. "Saraswati is no ordinary woman, Josh. She is the Hindu goddess of knowledge and arts. She represents the free flow of wisdom and consciousness."

"Cool! I wish I had four arms to play the bass sometimes." Joshua smiled.

"It's not a bass or a guitar," Sara smiled at Joshua and thought it was sweet of him to take interest in her Indian culture. "It's called a veena, and with that she plays the music of love and life."

"Is that why she has four hands?"

"No. Her four hands represent the four aspects of learning: mind, intellect, alertness, and ego."

"Well, I see why you would pick her to be in your room. You two have a lot in common." Joshua smiled.

"Despite the fact that I don't have four arms, and I'm not a goddess." Sara put down the figure.

"To me, you are." Joshua looked at Sara with his beaming, beautiful eyes.

Sara returned his look with love in her eyes. "Thank you, Josh."

Just as Joshua was leaning over to kiss Sara, her mom came in with tea and biscuits on a tray. She was chattering about chai tea and mint tea, and Joshua smiled at her the whole time.

When she left the room, she said a few words in what Josh guessed was Hindi, and Sara answered back with a short "Okay."

"What did she say to you?" Joshua asked.

Sara looked apologetic. "She just reminded me that they trust me to keep a distance and not to fool around with you."

Joshua laughed and looked to the open door. No wonder Sara was so innocent and careful. She was living a protected life, and he understood how big it was for her to invite him over.

"Are your parents cool with me being here?"

"They are trying hard to accept the American lifestyle, and they allow me to have a social life of my own choice."

"So how do you think I did down there?"

"You did good, but I think they would have preferred to meet your parents and see bank statements and criminal records as well." Sara smiled. "They are just very concerned parents who want to be sure I marry the right man."

Joshua almost choked on his tea. He got all pale and looked at Sara with big eyes.

"Marry?"

Sara looked at him with an innocent smile "Yes, marry."

"But we are so young!" Sara could see Joshua try to stay cool.

"So? My mom was eighteen when she married my father, and she was nineteen when she had me."

Joshua's mouth got all dry. This evening had certainly taken an unexpected turn, and he felt completely overwhelmed by the situation.

"Don't you want to marry me, Josh?" Sara looked at him with a sweet smile and suddenly he noticed a humorous twinkle in her eye.

"Sara, are you messing with me?" Joshua asked with a hopeful expression.

She started laughing and threw a pillow at him. "You are so easy, Joshua."

He looked at her with awe. She sure was a completely different person when she was in her comfort zone.

"Christ, Sara. You scared the shit out of me."

She giggled and pointed to him. "You should have seen your face."

Joshua felt warm inside. Here he was in Sara's room, approved by her parents and getting to know new sides of her. He leaned over and grabbed her hand. "If your parents weren't downstairs, I would wipe that grin off your face by kissing you all night."

"About that... I was thinking about New Year's Eve; would you like to spend it with me?"

"My parents invited me to New York to celebrate with them," Joshua answered.

Sara pouted a bit. "Oh, I see."

Joshua looked at her. "If you think that I am going to New York with my parents instead of spending New Year's Eve with my girlfriend, then the rumors of your smartness must be wildly exaggerated."

Sara lit up in a big smile. "So you won't go to New York, then?"

"No, of course I won't go. I will stay home and celebrate New Year's with you." Joshua smiled from ear to ear.

"Awesome! The Queenies are having a party, and I would love for us to go together."

"Perfect. If you want to, you can spend the night at my place, since my parents will be out of town."

Sara looked at him and raised her eyebrows. "You have just met my parents. In what universe do you think I would be allowed to spend the night at your house?"

Joshua gave her a quirky smile. "Well, you're invited if they change their minds."

"You know, I could ask to have my curfew extended a bit, and then we could leave the party a little early, which would give us some time..." Sara pondered out loud.

Joshua's eyes were shining brighter than ever. "Are you sure?"

Sara nodded and smiled, but internally she could hear her good girl asking, "What are you doing? You are not ready for this." But her bad girl pushed the voice away and said, "This is what I want to do."

Joshua looked ecstatic, and in his mind he was doing a happy dance and singing. "Two weeks, only two more weeks..."

##  SNEAK PEEK - LARVA HIGH SCHOOL 2

Here is your sneak peek at _Larva High School 2 – Expectations & Endurance_.

Sara put down her phone and continued wrapping Joshua's present. She had bought him a black leather wristband with a customized orange TUA logo imprint. It looked cool and very masculine. She was positive Josh would like it.

A thought crossed her mind: only seven days left until New Year's eve, when she would be spending part of the night with Joshua, at his house. She had pleaded with her parents for hours; at last, they had extended her curfew to 2 a.m. That would give her enough time to go to the New Year's party and then leave with Joshua at 12:30. They would have an hour and a half alone. _That should be time enough_ , she thought, but then again, this was definitely not her area of expertise.

She wished they could spend the night together and just cuddle all night, but her parents would never allow her to spend a night at Joshua's house. Being a romantic, Sara had it all planned out, and even though it was a peculiar feeling to have a fixed date to lose her virginity, she liked to set the perfect scenario. It seemed perfect to start a new year taking this huge step in her life with Josh. He was ready, and had waited patiently for her for more than seven months.

She sometimes wondered how many girls he had actually slept with, but never had the nerve to ask him. He never mentioned anything about his former girlfriends. Sara once asked him if he was a virgin. He said no and told her he had been fifteen the first time he had sex. She had quickly changed the subject, as it made her feel uncomfortable. Just thinking about it made Sara feel uncertain of herself. She was probably a complete failure at sex. She knew nothing about it, and all the experiences she'd had had been with Josh. She really wanted to make him happy, but felt so inexperienced and inadequate.

The present looked nicely wrapped now, and she laid it down and picked up her phone. _I need to step up my game_ , she thought and dug deep to find some courage.

"I dream of you inside of me," she texted Joshua, and could feel her cheeks blushing.

It only took a few seconds before her phone lit up. "Me too, but how?"

_What?_ She frowned. What did he mean by how? How many ways could he be inside her? _I never should have sent that text_. She felt so stupid.

"?" she wrote.

"I mean which position do you dream of?"

Sara read the text a few times and felt out of words. She was in deep water here and had no clue what to say, so she tried a distraction. "What is your favorite position?"

"Any one... as long as it's with you," Joshua replied, and it made Sara smile.

"How many have you slept with?" She could feel her heart racing as she sent the text.

"Do you really want to know?"

Sara looked as his reply. _What if he says twenty? Two hundred? How will I feel?_ But her curiosity took over. "Yes."

"4."

Sara looked at the number. If he was fifteen the first time, and he had been with her since he'd turned seventeen, he had had sex with four different girls in only two years. She didn't really know if that was many or few but it made her feel uncomfortable.

She couldn't stop thinking about Joshua with all these girls, and she wondered who they were.

"Someone I know?" she texted, and as soon as she hit send a warning voice in the back of her mind started talking: _Don't ask questions you don't want answers to._

She waited for the answer, but Josh didn't respond and his silence made her panic. _Oh my God, it's someone I know_. She could feel her thoughts spinning. _Who could it be?_ _What girls do I know who knew Josh before I did?_ And suddenly, she knew.

_It's Laura!_ That's why Laura had slammed the door in her face. Laura had slept with Joshua. It would explain all of Laura's hatred towards her. Suddenly she remembered Joshua trying to tell her that Laura was actually quite nice. _He actually likes her!_ Sara felt sick to her stomach and ran into her bathroom to throw up. She felt disgusted with the thought of Laura touching Joshua, and her imagination wouldn't stop flashing through images of Joshua and Laura making out. _I should have never asked him, why did I ask him?_ She blamed herself. Finally, she managed to get back to her bed and look at her phone. Joshua had sent three messages in the time she had been in the bathroom.

_To continue reading, simply go to_ www.mindblowingtransformation.com/books

##  ABOUT THE AUTHORS

Mia Schmeltzer Beck and Stine Falkenberg Schmidt are both certified coaches who help teenagers and their families around the world. Both authors grew up in Denmark. Today, they live in the US and in Canada with their families.

_Larva High School_ is their first series of fiction books, inspired by Mia and Stine's work and written to entertain and enlighten people worldwide.

Professionally, Mia and Stine write books, coach teens and families, and travel the world to speak about bullying, leadership, and suicide prevention.

Privately, they both enjoy traveling, meeting new people, skiing, hiking, and spending as much time as possible with their families.

You can learn more about Mia and Stine and connect with them here:

www.MindBlowingTransformation.com

www.facebook.com/MBTLLC

##  A NOTE FROM MIA & STINE:

We never aspired to be authors!

But one early day of spring, we realized that the book we wanted to recommend to our teen clients wasn't written yet. Since we are not patient people by nature, we decided to give it a try ourselves. So here it is, our first book in a series inspired by real people, offering you not only entertainment, but solutions too. There are too many of you to mention names, but each one of you has inspired and amazed us with your stories, your bravery, your questions, your tears, and your victories.

Thank you, we are deeply grateful!

Stine & Mia

