("CollegeHumor theme")
- [Voiceover] I'm Bernie Sanders
and here are the items I
carry inside my pockets.
This is a shoe horn I purchased
to help me put on certain
shoes more easily.
Studies show very few people enjoy
the act of unwrapping a candy.
Here is the tiniest piece of heaven.
Data, to which I refer.
If I take a note on the data
that turns out to be wrong.
In college I was known
as Bernie Hanker-chief.
How many trees have to go
down so we can blow our nose?
Okay?
The penny is the one cent of the 99%.
We have not seen the last
of the penny, mark my words.
I carry this shirt in case I
get an opportunity to exercise.
Look at that, Brooklyn College.
When I'm not enjoying a
minor league ball game
I listen for patterns in the static,
and the static is
controlled by the top 1%.
I had a tastefully
patterned Dixie brand cup,
but it fell through a hole in my pocket.
My second bag of Werther's candies
comes with a big, fat, sticky joint
because I also like to feel the Bern.
I don't always use this
to calculate statistics.
Sometimes I just use it to write "Boob."
I never met a boob I didn't
like, except for Donald Trump.
Sick burn.
Two things I like.
Rolling pennies and rolling doobies.
- Hi, I'm Zach from CollegeHumor.
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you could pretend like you're
holding me and I'm a tiny person.
Whoa.
Let me down.
Let me down!
