

The Manor

By Karen Starr

Published by Karen Starr at Smashwords

Copyright 2013 Karen Starr

This ebook is licensed for your personal enjoyment only. This ebook may not be re-sold or given away to other people. If you would like to share this book with another person, please purchase an additional copy for each recipient. If you're reading this book and did not purchase it, or it was not purchased for your use only, then please return to Smashwords.com and purchase your own copy. Thank you for respecting the hard work of this author.

Dedication

To Lindy McGee, who was the first to read and love this book. You give me the strength to go on every day. Thank you for being my friend.

Acknowledgements

Thank you to Lindy McGee for loving this book and encouraging me to pursue publishing it. I'm sorry for all the first draft editing you had to endure.

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Chapter One

The road that night was as dark and desolate as ever. Sara sat shifting in the driver's seat of her car with one hand on the steering wheel. Her other hand was reaching over to the passenger seat searching blindly through her purse for her cell phone. She kept her eyes on the road as her hand frantically shuffled through her belongings. Spring had begun, but it was still a bit too cold out for Sara's taste. The car's old heater rattled like thunder as it struggled to warm her. The clouds overhead covered the moon and the only light, besides her car's headlights, came from the occasional flash of lightning. With each strike getting closer, Sara hoped she would make it home before it started to rain.

Life seemed to be getting harder these days for Sara. Besides the current economic recession, which was hurting everyone, she had a son to raise on her own. His father would help out from time to time, but was otherwise out of the picture. Sara was young when she got pregnant with Lucas and her Aunt Deb and Uncle Sean were against her keeping him. When Sara made her decision, they made it clear she would have to do it on her own. So, on nights like this, when she had no other choice but to ask for their help babysitting, she didn't want to take any longer then she absolutely needed to.

She took her hand off the steering wheel just long enough to pull her long tan skirt up a bit; she didn't want it to get stuck on her shoes. The sales girl at the store had said it didn't fit her quite right and to get a smaller size, but Sara never felt comfortable in form fitting clothes. She could hide her busty chest in the plain white top, and the loose fitting skirt covered up everything else. She didn't hate her body, but hated the attention that she got for it. While shopping that day, she considered getting a haircut too but decided to save the money, she could just keep pulling her long blonde locks into a bun. She hated spending money on herself when it seemed that Lucas always needed something, for instance, a new car seat. The one sitting in the back seat was already getting too small. And the car, itself, was on its last leg.

Finally, she found what she what she had been digging in her purse for. She pulled out her cell phone and dialed the number.

"Hello." A women's voice answered.

"Hey Deb, it's me. I just wanted to let you know that I'm on my way home." Sara said.

"It's about time Sara. I've already put Lucas to bed." Her aunt said.

Sara rolled her eyes. She knew the guilt, all too well, that her family wanted her to feel for taking care of Lucas.

"It's only nine." Sara pointed out.

"He needs his rest. I hope you didn't forget about his field trip tomorrow, you'll have to get up early and make his lunch. And don't forget to dress him warmly."

Sara glanced at the rear view mirror and could see headlights from another car.

Sara shifted her focus back to her aunt, "I didn't forget. Thanks."

"I'll just see you when you get here." Aunt Deb snapped impatiently.

With those last words her phone disconnected. She dropped the phone back into her purse and turned up the music in her car. The guilt that Sara was feeling on this particular night may have been more warranted than most others. She had told her aunt and uncle that she had to work late, but that wasn't entirely true. She had, actually, been at work, but it was really a work party that was keeping her. People were drinking, talking, and having a good time. The kind of thing Sara didn't get enough of any more.

Aunt Deb didn't really mind watching Lucas. In fact, sometimes, Sara got the feeling that they cared for Lucas more than they cared for her. She'd lived with her aunt and uncle ever since she was ten years old, when her mother passed away. Sara never knew her father, and from the stories her aunt told, her mother didn't know much about him either.

An old song was playing on the radio and Sara smiled, remembering, "The night," as she liked to call it. She had just finished her last semester at community college and her best friend, Jenny, had talked her into going out.

"I can't stay late." Sara demanded.

Jenny pushed her through the open door of the house party.

"I don't want to hear about how soon you have to leave. I want you to forget about your aunt, school and whatever else you think about all the time and just have fun." Jenny said. Jenny picked up a drink from the counter and smelled it, then, pushed it into Sara's hand.

"Drink!" Jenny said.

After three fairly strong, purple drinks, and two hours later, Sara found Jenny standing in line for the bathroom.

"Having fun?" Jenny asked.

"Yeah, but I think I should get going."

Looking past Sara, Jenny said, "Hey isn't that Luke?"

Sara turned around to see Luke standing at the other end of the hallway. Luke saw the girls and smiled. Sara examined Luke for what had to be the hundredth time. He looked like a Viking god to her with his blonde hair and blue eyes. He was built like one too. His frame was broad, and he was so tall that Sara had to look up to see his face. Sara had had a crush on Luke ever since her senior year of high school. She had been secretly excited when she found out he was going to attend the same college.

Luke hadn't been the best student in high school. He had always been more interested in sports; football, baseball and hockey seemed to be his forte. Not that he was stupid; Sara doubted she would've been interested in him if that had been the case. She had a few classes with him during their two-year stint in community college. Luke had started out there to pull his GPA up, and then would be off to a state college to get his degree in computer programming. Sara had never aspired to be much; an Associate's Degree was all she needed. Soon she would be starting her 'exciting' new career as an Accountant and that suited her just fine.

Luke walked up to the girls. "Hello ladies." He said.

"Hey Luke, how's it going?" Jenny asked. "I didn't know that you were going to be here tonight."

"Yeah," Luke motioned to where he had been standing. Beau Pritchard stood alone looking as nervous as ever. "Beau's got it bad for a girl here, so...."

"Thank God, it's my turn!" Jenny exclaimed as the door to the bathroom opened. She flew inside. "Here, hold my drink!" She passed her drink to Sara and slammed the door behind her.

Sara looked back at Luke and he smiled down at her. He was much taller than Sara at six foot four. His thick blonde hair was kept relatively long, and it began to curl as it neared his shoulders. He had the lightest blue eyes, and his skin was perfect. Sara loved his clothing style and he was always nice to her in school. Most of the kids there ignored her, but Luke always made time for her.

Just then, Luke was bumped into by a crazed partier running for the bathroom. The force of the bump sent him stumbling quickly towards Sara. His outstretched arms caught the wall as his body pressed lightly up against Sara's. She blushed. The intoxicated partier, upon realizing the bathroom door was locked, began pounding steadily on the wall. Sara could feel her breasts being pressed between their two bodies. Luke had to have felt it to. The pounding in her chest now rivaled that of the thumping on the nearby wall.

Luke grabbed her lightly by the arm and led her away from the scene. "Come on!" He urged. "I don't think we want to hang out here. Things might get ugly."

An hour later, Sara and Luke were still chatting away, now, sitting outside by his car. Jenny was nowhere to be found.

"So, how was your last semester," Luke asked, "I thought for sure you'd have been off to some Ivy League school, like, Harvard by now." Luke said to Sara.

Sara laughed quietly, "No, my aunt and uncle think it's better for me to pay for college by myself."

"What was your major?"

Sara became embarrassed, and was sure that it showed on her face, "Accounting," she mumbled.

"Why do you say it like that?" Luke prodded.

"It's not a very exciting career choice. But I'm good with numbers." Sara grinned looking away from Luke. "My grandpa and I always played this game with numbers. It's... stupid, but I beat him every time." Sara shrugged, wondering why she felt compelled to share that bit of knowledge.

Luke smiled at the little confession. He admired that Sara was good at something where as he was good at running fast on a football field and rounding the bases with girls; not really something he could make a career of.

The memory fades into a soft smile across Sara's face. That night changed it all; school, friends, Aunt Deb and Uncle Sean. Everything. But she would never regret what she and Luke shared that night and how it led to Lucas. She loved her son more than anything. Everything she did was for him. Yes, it had been tough, and her family would probably never stop trying to make her see what a mistake it was, but it had all been worth it.

Sara looked into her rear view mirror, hoping to see the car from a moment ago, but she didn't see it now. Suddenly, the car was passing her on the right at a very high speed; its engine blaring. At that speed, Sara suspected the car would end up trying to cross in front of her to catch the exit coming up. Unless you knew the area well, the left hand exit was usually a surprise. Sara knew there was no time as they rounded the wooded area leading to the exit. She tried braking, but there was no time.

Everything that happened next was a blur. The piercing squeal of halting tires. The grinding sounds of metal on metal. Sparks. Broken glass pieces hitting her face and arms. Sara could feel herself screaming but couldn't hear herself over the chaos. Upside down now. Then, nothing. Vibrating silence.

Darkness. The only light came from Sara's car's remaining headlight, and it seemed to be periodically blinking on and off. The two cars were crammed together side by side against a large oak tree. Sara's car was upside down. She managed to slide out of the seatbelt and crawl out of the car. An easy task since there wasn't a door there anymore. Then she noticed it.  
The pain in her arm. She looked down and saw the blood. The pain was excruciating but it could have been worse she told herself. Then she remembered the other driver. Sara looked around.  
No one. She ran to the other car and opened the door. There he sat, unconscious.

"Hey." Sara said opening his car door. No response.

"Hey, Mister!" She yelled shaking him. No response. Sara looked up and down the road hoping to see a car coming. Nothing. She could tell that he was breathing because his breath was very labored.

Just as she was working up the guts to slap him, the man moaned.

"Hey, can you hear me? You have to get out of the car." Sara screamed hoping he could hear her.

The man looked at her like she was talking in a different language.

"Are you all right? Did you hear me? I said you have to get out of the car." She said in a clearer tone so he could understand her.

The man took his seat belt off and sat there for a minute. Sara looked down at him. He looked all blurry. She tried wiping her eyes and when she pulled her hand away she realized it wasn't tears but blood in her eyes. She could feel it now. Her face hurt, she could see but the blood kept running into her eyes.

The man tried to move but moaned in pain.

"Do you need some help?" Sara asked.

"I can't move my leg." The man said.

"I'll help you." Sara grabbed the man's arm and started to pull, the man screamed in agony. Sara dropped his arm in fear.

"My leg is stuck!" The man exclaimed.

"Do you have a cell phone?" She asked.

"Yes, somewhere." He said looking around the remains of his car.

As the man looked for his phone in the car, Sara looked around for it outside. It could have fallen out during the accident.

Sara got on the ground to look, but all she found was gas. Everywhere.

She stood up and shouted at the man. "I'll be right back."

Sara walked around the car and instantly became more frightened then she had ever been in her life. Her car was on fire, why hadn't she noticed it before. But now there was no mistaking it. Her car was in flames. As she turned around to run back to the man she noticed the gas. It was moving toward her car. Oh God. Sara ran toward the man.

"You have to get out!" Sara screamed. She was instantly hysterical, but she had to help the man get out.

"I can't, my leg is stuck, we'll just have to wait for help to come." The man said.

"You don't understand, you have to get out now!" Sara said then grabbed the man's arm and started to pull hard. The man screamed then pulled his arm away.

"Let go...." He shouted.

"Listen to me. Your car is leaking gas and my car is on fire. Any minute the gas will move far enough in our direction to explode. You have to get out of this car now!" Sara explained.

That got the man's attention. He started pulling on his leg. Sara pulled under his arms. All of a sudden they heard an explosion. Sara ducked on top of the man. She waited a second, she was fine, she looked at the man, and he was fine. No, it wasn't his car. It was her car that had exploded, but now it was a fierce fire. Sara looked down at the man with the worst face, filled with fear, she grabbed the man again.

"Get away!" The man yelled at her.

"We have to get you out of here." She yelled back, not letting go.

"You'll never get me out. Just stop trying." He tried to push her away.

Sara looked the man in the eyes. "I can't stop trying if there is a chance; you just need to help me."

"Pull," she yelled. She could feel the man pulling on his leg harder. God, she hoped he wouldn't pull it right off. There was so much blood and she could see his bone sticking out. But anything would be better then dead at this point. Finally she felt it give. The man screamed louder than before. Sara put both arms under his and started pulling him away from the car. He was so heavy, and her arm was throbbing from the pain.

Inch by inch she pulled. It seemed she was using all of her strength but getting nowhere. Everything hurt; her arm, her head and now her legs. Just a little bit further, she thought. She reached what she felt was a good distance from the cars, then collapsed on top of the man. She looked behind her to make sure the distance would be enough. Hopefully she thought.

She looked down at the man beneath her to see if he was still conscious.

Sara didn't have the strength to move to get off of him.

She was out of breath, her heart was beating so fast it hurt but she couldn't take her eyes off the man. He had the darkest blue eyes. Funny that she would notice that in this situation.

"I'm Sara." Was all she could think to say.

"I'm......" He started.

Boom! A huge explosion went off. Both cars exploded at the same time. Sara covered the man but not before the car door ripped off the hinges and flew toward them and hit her in the head then landing in the ditch next to the highway.

"Sir, can you hear me?" A voice was asking him.

"Sir, do you know where you are?" It asked.

Seth slipped in and out of consciousness. So many voices, so many sounds, so much pain. He could feel them pulling on his leg. Seth yelled in agony.

"3cc's of morphine, now!"

"He needs surgery ASAP, call the surgical unit."

Seth grabbed a nurse's arm. "Where is she?"

The nurse looked down at him then back up at the doctor.

"Where is she?" He asked again.

"She's in the next room; they're doing everything they can for her." The nurse responded.

Seth dropped his head in exhaustion. "She saved my life" was the last thing he said before passing out

~~~~****~~~~
Chapter Two

Seth sat in his hospital bed where he'd been for the last two weeks. He pushed the orange sherbet desert away, disgusted at himself for not being in control of anything including the food he was allowed to eat. He was a lawyer and had worked damn hard to get where he was and wasn't going to let some car accident do him in... Ok, so it wasn't a small injury he had. He had already been through two major surgeries and might need at least one more if he ever planned to walk normal again. Luckily he was in the best hospital in the city with the best doctors and surgeons taking care of him. That's what being rich got you, the best of the best.

But Seth knew that wasn't what had him in such a foul mood. No, it was the fact that no one would give him any information about the girl. All he knew was her first name. No one would tell him if she was ok or if she was even still alive. Being an attorney he knew they couldn't but he was going to pull every string he had to get the information he wanted. She had saved his life. He had caused the accident and she ended up saving his life.

"Well, well. You look, worse than I thought." The man said from the doorway. He was dressed in a very expensive, well tailored suit. The kind you see on the cover of GQ. He was holding a brief case in one hand leaning on the doorframe.

He pushed away from the wall and walked over to the bed and gently slapped Seth in his arm. "God damn Seth, I'm glad to see you're ok."

"It's good to see you too, Jack." Seth said smiling at his old friend.

Jack worked with Seth at the law firm; they had known each other for years. They went to college together and got internships together at the firm they still work for. Jack was a tall, athletic man. He loved to push himself just as hard out of the court room as well as inside of it. That's where Jack and Seth were alike. But Seth never understood Jack's emotions when it came to clients. Seth was nonemotional when it came to work. And that was what it was to him, work. He was good at it. It was his life but he never got emotional, he wasn't the lawyer in the court room rubbing his clients back telling them it would be ok. It was business regardless of the outcome. And it made him a damn good lawyer. Jack was completely opposite. He truly cared about his clients and that's why they liked him. Jack would get invited to social events of his clients, and actually go. He was a lion in the court room but a kitten in his personal life. That, and the fact that Jack was Seth's best friend, made him the perfect person to help get the information he wanted.

"How are you feeling man?" Jack asked.

"It looks worse than it is." Seth said trying to stifle the moan from sitting up.

After a few minutes of chit-chat Seth couldn't take it anymore.

"Did you get that information I asked you to get?" He asked Jack.

"Yeah, it wasn't easy. Lucky for you the family wants to sue. I sent over the paperwork. You know, you don't have to go to such extremes. I could have got you off scot free. " Jack said.

Seth didn't reply. He just read through the papers Jack had handed him. "So she is okay, still alive?" Seth said, more to himself. Jack was looking out the window.

"She's not only alive, but in this hospital too." Jack said.

Seth threw the papers on the side table. "Grab that chair," he urged Jack. "You're taking me for a ride."

Jack pushed Seth at a very slow pace. "Why do you want to do this, man? It's just not like you" Jack asked Seth.

Seth looked down at his leg. "If it had happened to you, wouldn't you want to know? See for your own eyes?" Jack left it at that. Jack pushed him down the next hallway. And slowed down even more. They came to the room and stopped right outside.

"This is it." Jack said. The door was open. Seth looked in. He looked at the person in the bed. It couldn't be, he thought to himself. He was finding it very hard to breathe all of a sudden. Jack's phone started to ring and he quickly walked away to answer it. All Seth could do was look at her. How could this have happened? Time felt like it stood still. Her head was all wrapped up. What he could see from her face was black and blue. Tubes were coming and going from all over her body. His heart started to race and he could feel the bile rise in his throat. What had he done? He felt angry; at himself for driving like an ass, at her for insisting on saving him, at God for letting this all happen. He would make this better, whatever he had to do. If she ever woke up again, he would make up for what he did, for her laying in that bed.

Jack walked back to him, "Seth, I have to get back to the office." Seth just nodded. Jack took one last look in the room and pushed Seth back to his room.

~~~~****~~~~
Chapter Three

A nurse replaced a bag hanging from Sara's IV. Checked all the tubes and looked down at her. She wiped a piece of hair way from her face. After taking the bandages off her head her hair was in a real need to be washed. That would come after the doctor had a chance to take a look at her. It wasn't much of a sight. Her face was unrecognizable. The swelling from the head surgery left her skin more bruised then the actual accident. When you have the best doctors working to make sure you have a chance that's bound to happen. The nurse walked out and turned the light off.

Sara woke to a sound of soft footsteps. Sara's eyes hurt, but so did the rest of her body. There was a ringing in her ears and it felt like her head was on fire. Her mouth was dry and so was her throat. Trying even harder to open her eyes she managed to crack them. There wasn't much light but it was blinding. Water, was all she could think about. Beeping. She could hear beeping coming from somewhere. She tried to turn her head but even that hurt. God, she was exhausted. She looked up at the ceiling and right before passing out she saw a picture of a small boy.

The next morning Sara was able to open her eyes easier. She still felt thirsty, but less tired. She tried to wrap her mind around all the new sights. She tried to lick her lips, but her lip hurt, her throat hurt, everything hurt. Sara lifted her arm to feel her lip but it felt like a million pounds had been added to her. She managed to get it to her face and felt for her lip. Yes, there was a cut, how did that happen. She wanted to sit up, she put her hands down to resituate herself and felt pulling on her from the inside. Now she was starting to get a little scared. All of a sudden she heard a gasp. Sara looked in the direction of the sound and saw the nurse. The nurse ran to the bed and pushed a button. "Call Dr. Hodges." The nurse shouted. The nurse started pushing buttons and talking too fast for Sara to understand her. Her head still hurt. She started to feel very tired all of a sudden. She closed her eyes.

When Sara opened her eyes again there were two nurses and a doctor standing over her. The doctor quickly handed the nurse the chart he had been holding and went to Sara's side.

"Sara." He said in a very calm voice, "Do you know where you are?" He asked as he flashed a small light in her eyes.

Sara tried to talk, but her throat was too dry.

"Water." The doctor instructed the nurses.

The water burned her throat, but she was too thirsty to care. After taking two slow drinks, assisted by the doctor, Sara looked at the doctor. In a very hoarse voice. "Hospital," was all she could get out.

The doctor looked relieved. "Do you remember what happened?" He asked. Sara thought about it then shook her head. She put her head on the pillow, she already felt sleepy. She whispered something but the doctor couldn't hear her. "What Sara? I didn't hear you." He said.

"Not Sara." Was all she said before falling back to sleep.

A few days later the tubes were removed and Sara was able to get up and take a shower with the assistance of a nurse. Sara noticed there was no mirror in the bathroom. She asked the nurse if she could use a mirror to brush her hair and teeth but the nurse said she would help her.

The following day Sara was moved to a different room, this one still didn't have any mirrors. But she was happy to see that it had a view. She lay down on her bed. She was still very tired. Every day the doctor or a nurse would come in and ask Sara questions. The same ones over and over but Sara could never answer them.

Sara awoke to talking. "She doesn't remember anything." She heard the doctor saying. "She doesn't even know her own name." Sara opened her eye to her doctor and a not so happy looking older lady. God, I hope this isn't my new nurse she thought. Sara sat up in her bed.

"Good morning Dr. Hodges." She said in a weak voice with a smile. They both looked at her. A moment later, the lady, looking even less happy, turned to the doctor and said, "I'll be back tomorrow," and walked out. The doctor watched the lady leave with his mouth gaping open. When he finally composed himself after the little shock, he came around and sat on the bed next to Sara.

"How do you feel today?" He asked in a very gentle voice.

Sara smiled as much as she could without it hurting too much. "I feel better." She said reassuringly. She wasn't sure why she felt the need to reassure a doctor when she was pretty sure that was his job.

"Do you remember anything? Maybe something about the lady that was just here?" He asked.

Sara thought about it for a few seconds. "No." She said matter-of-factly.

"I know that I was in some kind of accident and I know I've been here a couple of weeks, but I've gotten most of that from the questions everyone asks me." Sara said with a smile.

"Well, if you feel up to it I will give you as much information as I can." The doctor offered.

Without thinking twice Sara nodded her head in acceptance. Dr. Hodges explained as much as he knew about the accident from what he was told by police hoping it would jog her memory. Sara gasped when he told her about someone else being involved.

"Are they okay?" She asked.

Dr. Hodges smiled at Sara. Anyone else would be mad at the person but Sara only showed concern that they were okay too.

"And none of this has helped you remember?" Dr Hodges asked.

Sara shook her head, "No, I'm afraid not." She informed him with a smile not really caring for what she had lost. How could anyone care for what they never knew they had?

Before Dr. Hodges could stand up to leave Sara spoke, "Dr. Hodges, if it's not too much trouble, could you tell me why I'm not allowed see my face? I know it got hurt in the accident I can feel the cuts."

He took a deep breath, "Sara, it wasn't the hit on the head that did all the damage but when the car rolled over there was a lot a shattered glass. I thought it best that, till it heals a bit more, not to spend time worrying about it." He squeezed her shoulder comfortingly and got up to leave.

"Ok,' Sara said lowering her head. "I was just hoping that seeing my face might help me remember." She said in a quiet voice. Dr. Hodges froze for a second knowing that seeing her own face would not help.

The doctor took a deep breath, as if preparing himself for something he didn't want to do. He walked out of the room then returned just as quickly. Sara looked down; in his hand was a mirror. It was pointed away from her. She knew today was the day she could see her face. It was an odd feeling not knowing what you looked like and Sara was anticipating this moment. She only knew what she felt like to the touch, which wasn't much due to the cast on her arm and hand. Dr. Hodges was stalling and she knew it. Sara very slowly reached for the mirror. The doctor looked at her and she looked at him. As she grabbed the mirror from his hand he let it go. She slowly held it up to her face. She closed her eyes and when it was directly in front of her face she slowly opened her eyes.

Sara couldn't believe what she saw. It wasn't a face. It looked like no face she could have imagined. It was red and purple and black everywhere. Her eyes were so swollen she was surprised she could see out of them. The cut on her lip was worse than it felt. It was so deep it looked like it would scar. She tried pulling in a breath but it was very hard.

"Sara," Dr. Hodges said in a calm voice placing his hand on her face, "its okay. The swelling will go down and the bruises will fade. That will all go away after a while. We had the best plastic surgeons work on the cut on your lip." He was really trying but nothing he could say would help right now.

The image became blurry with her tears. Sara had to admit that even the blurred image of her didn't look worse than the real one. She gave the mirror back then turned over and cried herself to sleep.

~~~~****~~~~
Chapter Four

Seth sat in his bed while his nurse looked down at his chart.

"How's it going today?" Seth asked as he always started their conversations. Without looking up she nodded her head and said "fine," in a not too convincing voice.

Seth held his breath slightly before asking, "Problems with your other patients?" He made his voice sound more casual than normal but she knew better. From the first time she walked into his recovery room he recognized her as one of the nurses from the night of the accident. Without either of them ever talking about Sara they 'talked' about Sara. Seth was a lawyer and knew she couldn't divulge confidential information about her patients. But she knew his intentions were good and he meant no harm but to find out how she was doing. They keep Sara's name out of it, Seth would ask general questions about her day and she would give none specifics answers. Seth thought they had a good thing going and didn't want to push it. But this time was different. After he had asked his question Seth could tell she stopped reading the chart but didn't look up. She just looked down for more than a moment then said. "Just a small problem with one of my patients," she paused again and Seth wasn't sure she would finish her sentence. But she did, "She's been crying all day." She whispered but still didn't look up. Good thing too, so she wouldn't see the need in his face.

"Really," Seth was trying to find the right question to get to his answer. He came up with only one. "Pain that bad?" he asked.

That made her look up. Seth was a little startled, not for himself, but for Sara. He knew he was wrong about her pain and he wasn't sure he wanted to know why she was crying.

But he was about to. The nurse looked him deep in the eyes and her words came out very soft and stern so he wouldn't miss any of what she said. "Pain is not the only thing that makes people cry. She cries because she can't remember her face." It was so matter of fact.

"I thought..." Seth began but he was cut off.

"She had seen her face, but she can't remember what she used to look like." She never took her eyes off him while she talked. She could tell he was trying to work it out for himself. She finally said her final piece of 'small talk' before walking out. "She saw her face yesterday but the accident left her so bruised that what she sees in the mirror...." She broke off and took a calming breath, "she cries because she can't remember anything and the one thing everyone has to remind them of who they are she doesn't have. She has no memories and now she just found out she doesn't know her own face. She doesn't know what she looks like. She is more confused than most people in her situation right now."

She turned to walk away but before she walked out she heard him say, "she's beautiful!" She didn't stop. She just kept going. Even if that were true, it wouldn't help Sara right now. Not only would she have to relearn who she was, she would have to relearn her face too. 'That should never happen to anyone' the nurse thought.

The next day Sara awoke and walked to the bathroom to brush her teeth. She hated the taste of her mouth, it must be all the medicine the doctor had her on she thought. But when she got to the sink her toothbrush was missing as well as the comb the nurse had given her.

"What's going on?" Sara asked the nurse cleaning up her room. The nurse looked at her questioningly. "All my stuff is gone from the bathroom, am I moving to a different room?" she asked. The nurse stood up and said. "I'll get your doctor." That was good enough for Sara. She sat back down and waited for Dr. Hodges.

A half hour later, Dr. Hodges walked in and looked at Sara as if he didn't know what to say. Finally he spoke "Sara, you're going home today." He waited for her reaction.

"Really?" Was all she could say. She wasn't sure how to feel or what that meant. "Home where?" Dr. Hodges approached the bed and sat down. "Sara do you remember the other day, the day the lady was here?"

"The unhappy lady?" Sara asked half joking.

The doctor looked down. "Your aunt and uncle are here to take you home. They are waiting out in the hall."

Now, Sara was curious. She got up and looked out the glass and saw the unhappy lady and a man whom didn't look much happier. She spun around to look at the doctor. "You can't be serious." She said. "You can't really mean to send me with those people. I don't even know them. They haven even come to see me or talk to me. They are strangers to me!" She said in an accusing voice.

"Sara, those are your family, they love you and they want you to come home with them."  
Dr. Hodges tried to explain. Sara could feel her heart racing.

"NO!" She yelled.

The woman ran into the room. "Sara, these people have done everything they can do for you, now it's time for you to come home." She said reaching for Sara.

"Don't touch me!" Sara yelled at the lady. She backed up into the corner; it was becoming very hard to breathe now. The doctor walked toward her, "Sara are you okay?" he asked.

What was going on? Why would she leave with these people? She didn't know them, and they certainly didn't look like people she wanted to be stuck with. What could she do? Nothing. She had no job, no money and nowhere to go. She would have to leave with these strangers, and be at their mercy.

That last thought did it. She really couldn't breathe now. She grabbed her throat. And her vision was clouding too. It was like looking through a tunnel.

"Sara!" her Aunt gasped with concern. She started toward her but the doctor pulled her back.

The doctor took a step toward her, "Sara, take slow breaths" he said.

But Sara couldn't hear them over the sound of her heart. Her head started spinning. She knew they were arguing but couldn't make out a word. All of a sudden she fell to the ground, threw up and passed out. The doctor ran out the room yelling "code blue, I need some help in here. And get this patient back to his room." Nurses came running and one pulled the man in the wheel chair.

"Seth, you know you're not supposed to be down here." The nurse said pushing him back to his room.

~~~~****~~~~
Chapter Five

Sara sat in the van waiting. Waiting for what she wasn't sure of. All she knew was that she wasn't going home. She didn't understand it. She didn't understand anything anymore. All she wanted was to get away from this place. Yes, the nurses and doctors had been friendly and helpful, but they couldn't bring her memory back. And that's all she wanted at this point. The only thing she did know was that she did not want to leave with her "family". How anyone could call those people her family she wasn't sure. Aunts and uncles were supposed to be loving, caring people. Not the couple waiting for her that day. And where were her parents? She knew they were pissed. She had heard noises and doctors talking. She was nervous until the social worker told her she wouldn't be going with them. They had found a rehabilitation center for her to stay at. Now she was just hoping that this new place would be able to help her. She sat in the in the middle row of seats in the van just waiting. She looked at the hospital saying goodbye to the only place she knew. Then she saw a nurse pushing a man in a wheelchair to the van. That must have been why they hadn't left yet. The nurse helped him into the back set of seats. The driver got in, "All right, here we go." He announced, then started the van and pulled out.

The driver was a short pudgy man probably in his fifties. He had deep wrinkles around his mouth caused by many happy years of driving patients around. And there he sat with a smile on his face just humming a little tune to himself. The name on his badge said 'John.'

"I'm not sure I understand where exactly we're going." Sara said to the driver. The driver looked at her through the rear view mirror. "Our destination...Lehman Manor." He told her.

"Yes, but what kind of facility is it, what do they do there?" She asked.

"I just drive the van, miss. All I know is if that is your destination then you got more than a few pennies to rub together. Ritzy, it you get my meaning." The John explained.

Sara sat back in her seat. Could that be true? Could she be rich? She didn't feel rich? She sat there a while thinking about who she was. Was she married? No, if that had been the case her husband would have come for her. Was she a student, did she have a job, what kind? Her head filled with so many questions that it started to hurt. Trying to escape her own thoughts, she turned to the man in the back. She recognized him. She knew she had seen him in the hallways. He always seemed to be around but she was sure he wasn't on her floor. After the last few weeks, she pretty much knew everyone on her floor.

The nurses let her wonder around as long as she didn't disturb anyone. On the contrary, it seemed like everyone was willing to talk to her. She liked that; she didn't feel like such a freak when so many were willing to take to her. Of course most of them were older. The nurse said the other patients enjoyed talking to Sara. Sara could even say she felt she was learning a little something from them. The stories they would tell or just talking about why they were there made Sara realize she liked being around people.

She liked talking to people and seemed good at it like Mrs. Simpson in 320. She had such a big family and they all took turns coming into see her. Every day one of her eight children would stop by for a couple of hours. Sometimes they would bring one of Mrs. Simpson's grandchildren. She would light up before they made it through the door. They'd each give her a great big hug and kiss and ask when she'd be coming home. Sara even heard that there was some kind of argument between the children, who Mrs. Simpson would get to live with after being released from the hospital. They all wanted their mother to live with them. In the end it turned out her youngest daughter won. She was a stay at home mother and could give her mom the assistance she needed.

Then there was Mr. Jones. He was a crotched old man that always had a frown on his face. But once Sara gave him a little attention he expected Sara to come by every day to tell her about all the things she couldn't remember: like the war he fought in, the depression and young people's obsession with technology these days.

There were many more and she hated to say good bye to them. They felt more like her family than her aunt and uncle.

"I know you." Sara said to the man.

Seth's eyes grew wide. Could she really have remembered him this quickly? One look and it would all come back, isn't that how it happened in the movies?

"I saw you in the cafeteria. You were with the guy in the suit." She said.

Seth took a silent breath. She didn't remember after all. Silent relief hit him. Why was he relieved about that? Didn't he want her to get her memory back? Not if it meant ruining his career.

She knew she had seen him in the hallways too. He always seemed to be around but she was sure he wasn't on her floor. "He couldn't stop looking at me." She said getting his attention again.

She smiled at the man when he finally looked in her direction.

"I have a memorable face." She said jokingly about the state of her face. The bruises had started to heal and the swelling was going down but it was the kind of injury that made people do a double take. Sara was okay with it. She figured people were just curious and what harm could it do to let them look? After all, these days she was curious about everything.

He didn't smile back but just looked away.

"I'm Sara." She said trying to get him to talk. That seemed to work because he turned to her and looked deep into her eyes without saying anything. The way he looked at her, it was as if he was trying to figure out a great mystery in her eyes. Sara began to feel a little awkward. It seemed like he found what he was looking for, then he said in a small voice,

"I'm Seth."

"Seth, I like that name." she said. "So, Seth, you come here often?" Her attempt at a joke didn't seem to work. She tried again, "What happened to your leg?" She asked politely. He just looked at her then turned to stare out the window again. Sara liked Seth's face. There seemed to be something oddly familiar about it. He had dark brown hair. Most people would probably mistake it for black but when the sun hit it you could see the golden brown shine. He looked like he was probably a tall man and his eyes were the prettiest dark blue she'd ever seen. She also had the suspicion that he was very good looking when he smiled. She made a mental note to figure that out. Besides that, she wished he would talk to her, to take her mind off the new change. She stared out her window imagining what the new hospital would be like. This would be her new home for a while and she was scared because she had no idea what it would be like, what the people would be like or how long she would be there. But all the nurses at the hospital were nice so maybe the new ones would be too. Or maybe she ran out of all her good luck at the hospital. She laughed once to herself. No one would think of being in that hospital as good luck. If anything her luck ran out right before she got there.

Out of nowhere Seth cleared his throat, "Car accident." He said. Sara gave a big smile and said "Oh, me too," like they were part of the same secret society. "What do you do Seth, you know, when you're not the victim of an automobile accident?" Sara asked, assuming everyone is a victim and no one is to blame. Over the next hour they made small chat. She didn't try to push him because he seemed hesitant to talk to her in the first place.

Finally they had reached their destination. They pulled up the driveway and all Sara could do was look in amazement at her new home. There was a paved road that went straight to the manor then did a circle around a bed of flowers. Tall trees lined both sides of the road. The grass was so green and the trees were so big. It was like they could be swallowed up in the vastness of this place. It made Sara feel very small. Not insignificant. But her problems didn't seem so impossible anymore. It was beautiful.

It didn't look like a hospital like Sara thought it would. It looked more like a mansion. It was all white, which reminded her of the hospital, but it gave her a tranquil feeling. There were four large pillars holding the front of the building up. By Sara's count there had to be at least a hundred windows on each floor and about three floors.

They pulled up to the entrance and waiting out front were two nurses and a middle aged women, wearing a very nice suit, waited to greet them. The doors to the van opened and the male nurse quickly started helping Seth out of the van. After he was in the wheelchair Sara jumped out of the van.

The lady in the suit greeted them, "Mr. Harding, Miss Scott, welcome to Lehman Manor. We hope you will enjoy your stay with us, and we're sure that you will have a fast and relaxing recovery." She said with a smile escorting them into the manor. "My name is Mrs. Roberts. If there is anything I can do to make your stay more enjoyable, please let me know."

They walked into the main entrance and Sara caught her breath. It was bigger than it looked from the outside. To each side of them was an office. There was a drop down of about ten steps, and a ramp on one side, to the commons area. Not like the waiting rooms at the hospital. This was more luxurious. The walls were white with beautiful black and white landscape photographs hung every so many feet and the carpet was a dark green giving the feel of lush grass beneath your feet. There were two dozen differently shaped, but all matching couches and chairs. In every direction were widescreen televisions. On the right side there seemed to be some kind of kitchen and to the left was a kitchenette with cups, coffee and a small refrigerator and sink. There was a long hallway connected to each side of the commons area. The entire wall of the sitting area consisted of French doors leading to the back of the manor. They had a few open and she could see a large sitting area outside with a large table and chairs and a large stone staircase heading down to the grounds. Just past the stone stairs sat a beautiful fountain and out from that lay acres of open grass. Outlining the property was a lush forest in the distance.

"We'll be happy to give you both a tour of the facility as soon as you're settled. Then you can meet with your doctors. They can go over your recovery schedule. The nurses will see you to your rooms and again if there is anything I can do for you just ask." Mrs. Roberts smiled at them both before walking into her office. Sara was escorted down one hallway by one nurse and Seth was taken down the other hallway.

Sara was shown to a room. It was a very plain room, but big. There was a nice big bed to the right and a desk and book self to the left. In front of the window was a large chair and ottoman. What she was mesmerized by was the windows. Sara looked out and thought she must have the best view in the place. Her room faced the south side of the grounds. She could see the beautiful water fountain in the middle of rolling green hills that seemed to go on forever. It was the most beautiful thing she was sure she had ever seen. No one could ever forget such a pretty sight she thought.

An hour later, a nurse peeked her head into her doorway. "Hello?" She said, not trying to surprise Sara. "My name is Beth. I'm one of the nurses at Lehman Manor and will be helping you with your recovery. If there is anything you need just ask." Beth was short, probably five foot two with her white sneakers on. She had a round chocolate face that mimicked her figure. She had a happy face that made you want to smile with her. Beth walked in and opened Sara's closet, "You haven't unpacked yet, that's okay. I can help you." She said to Sara. Sara looked out the window and with no shame in her voice said, "I don't have anything to unpack. I didn't have anything to bring,"

"Oh, I'll get some things for you to wear until your clothes arrive. No worries," Beth smiled at Sara and she smiled back.

"That's okay. The nurse at the hospital gave me some surgical scrubs, I like them, and they're comfortable." She explained.

"That's fine with me. Why don't we go introduce you to your therapist, then I'll show you around the Manor." Beth said leading Sara into the hallway.

"I thought I would be meeting a doctor." Sara said.

"Well, usually that's the case but you are a bit of an exception. You don't need rehab for broken bones, so you'll be meeting with Dr. Cutler. She'll be the one to help you through this time." Beth explained. Sara decided she liked Beth. She had a sweet voice and seemed to be pretty easy going. Beth walked with Sara to one of the offices. Sara remembered the office from when she had first walked in. The plaque on the door said 'Dr. Cutler'. Beth knocked on the door then held it open for Sara to walk through. It was a nice office, inviting. There were certificates from universities on the walls and pictures Sara figured were the doctor's family members. In the middle of the room was a big desk. Behind it sat a woman wearing a doctor's smock. She lifted her eyes from the file in front of her and smiled at Sara.

"Sara, please come in and have a seat." She motioned toward a big leather couch. "Thank you Beth." The doctor sat in a matching leather chair opposite the couch. Sara sat down, 'Let the recovery begin.' She thought with a smile.

~~~~****~~~~
Chapter Six

The next day Sara sat in a big comfortable chair in her room. She loved looking outside at the water fountain. It was as if she lost herself looking at it. It was a lovely day. The sun was just coming out enough to warm the air. Sara took a deep breath and smiled. Just then there was a knock at the door.

"You awake?" Beth asked.

"Come in." Sara invited, happy to see her. Sara liked Beth; she seemed to put Sara at ease just with her presence. And she liked that. It was like she knew Beth forever, like an old friend, even though Beth had to be at least fifteen years older than her.

"I have something for you." Beth said coming into the room. She handed Sara a brown paper bag. Sara took the bag and looked at Beth as if she already asked a question. "It was brought over this morning; it's what was found in your car. I thought it might help you remember some things. It's not much but sometimes little things help the most."

"Thank you." Sara said.

Beth smoothed a hand over her head like a mother would do to a beloved daughter and walked out.

Sara sat down on her bed with the bag and took a deep breath. She opened the bag and dumped the contents out onto her bed all at once. She shuffled through the items as if looking for something specific. When that didn't work, she started picking up each piece and examining them.

First was a piece of make-up. Lipstick. She took the cap off and examined the color. It was a sheer pink, she turned it over, 'Secret Passion' it said at the bottom. Next was a little blue bag. She opened it and looked through it; nothing much but some feminine products and a nail file. She zipped it back up and set it down. Then she picked up the wallet, and opened it. First she saw her driver's license. She stared at the picture a long time. It was her face. It didn't look anything like her. This girl was plain, and had her hair pulled back so you couldn't see how long it was. She wasn't smiling. She had big almond shaped eyes. The swelling was going down but she still didn't look like the girl in the picture. She looked at her name. 'Sara Elizabeth Scott'. It was the first time she saw her middle name. Thirty-six dollars was all she had. Bank cards, one credit card, nothing important. She put the wallet down and picked up the checkbook. She opened it to a page and looked down. It was the same little handsome face that looked down at her in her hospital bed. Lucas was written all over the page, again and again. She was told she had a son but it seemed so out of reality. This little boy looked just like the picture of herself on her license. It was beginning to feel real now. Sara's heart started beating fast and it felt like the room was closing in on her. She grabbed the last item from the bag and walked out of her room.

Seth walked out the glass door and hobbled to the edge of the balcony. He was glad to be alone for a few minutes. It felt so stifling in there. He couldn't put his finger on it. He was usually so good at knowing what was wrong and being able to fix it. This relaxing rehabilitation was more like a nightmare. He reached in his pocket and pulled out his cigarettes and lit one. He just needed to relax.

"Hello" said a sweet voice.

Seth turned around in surprise and wincing from the pain in his leg. He didn't realize anyone was out there. Then realizing who was curled up in the corner chair he realized his nightmare had just come true. He had really fooled himself into believing that he could keep a good distance from her in this place. He never should have arranged for her to be brought here. Seth had thought he was doing it to make amends, now he knew he was just being thoughtless to himself. And now he was stuck out here with her. He thought about just walking away without saying anything, but his guilt got the better of him. But now he had been staring at her for so long without saying anything that it was becoming awkward.

She took pity on him. She just looked back out at the fountain and smiled as if she hadn't said anything and he hadn't ignored her. Seth looked down and took another puff of his cigarette. As if she really weren't talking to him but out loud to herself she said. "I love this place. The color of the trees, the way the sun reflexes off of the top of the fountain, God himself couldn't paint a more beautiful picture." Well she did it. If there was anything else she could have said that would stump him for a response that was it. How could anyone in her position be so happy? He just looked at her. There she sat smoking her own cigarette, curled up in the chair the way a child would with her legs tucked under her. Her curly long blonde hair moved around in the breeze. She was wrong. Seth stared at her and thought he was looking at the perfect picture.

Again she took pity on him. She put her cigarette out, stood up and walked to the doors. Before she walked into the Manor she turned around. "I don't think you have to be afraid of me." She joked, then smiled the most irresistible smile and walked away. He was wrong, that was the other thing she could have said.

A few days later Sara rushed down the hall more excited than she had ever remembered being. Since she didn't remember far back she was even more excited. She almost ran into a little girl in the hallway. The girl was about ten years old. She was tan from getting plenty of sun and had red hair that was short and curly, it just started growing out. Kay had showed Sara a picture of her bald head saying she preferred that to everyone calling her 'Annie' lately.

"I'm sorry Kay," She said moving around the little girl, but the girl stepped in front of her. She was holding a video camera and pointing it at Sara. Kay always had her video camera capturing everything that happened at the Manor. Whether it was big or small, Kay was not prejudice of what she recorded. She'd conducted interviews of everyone willing to participate, and most were willing to indulge in the girl's outlet. She was very fascinated with Sara ever since her first encounter. She was secretly hoping to get all of Sara's memory coming back on tape. It would be the perfect ending to her documentary. Every day she'd catch Sara at some point and would ask her for an update. Sara politely answered the girl's questions but informed her there was nothing new to report. Sara had a special fondness for Kay; she wasn't like the other girls. While the other girls had free time from therapy or chemo they would sit in little groups playing with their toys giggling and telling secrets. Kay was exploring the world with her camera, but would be the first one to play any sports that Mrs. Roberts had put together for the day. Of course she'd ask any passerby to record the game as she couldn't while playing. After the game she rewinded the tape to see the footage. She'd even give some helpful, yet slightly critical suggestion for the next time they helped. Kay used the camera to express herself. Sara thought it had something to do with the fact that her dad wasn't around much. Her mother had died two years ago from the same disease and now her father had to work harder to pay the medical bills. Kay had a nurse in tow wherever she went but always gave the girl plenty of space.

"Sara, will you come out and play with us today"? The girl asked. Sara looked down at Kay and smiled. "Maybe later, I have something I need to do, my clothes finally arrived, and I'd like to go through them." Sara hoped the little girl would understand. The look on her face said she did.

"Good, it's about time. You've been wearing the same clothes for a week." Kay said. Sara laughed at the girls comment but felt the same way. "I'll see you later." Sara said and headed for her room.

She swung the door open and saw one piece of luggage on the bed. Someone had picked it up from her Aunt's house. She ran to the bed, unzipped it and threw the top off. She slowly sat down on the bed and started taking all the pieces out slowly. Her forehead became wrinkled with confusion. There must have been a mistake. These couldn't be hers.

There was a knock on the door, "Hey honey, I heard your clothes arrived and I thought I would help you put them away." Beth said, then she realized Sara wasn't smiling. She was crying. Beth slowly walked toward the bed. "What's wrong?" Beth asked, placing a hand on Sara's shoulder.

Sara looked up at Beth with the saddest eyes Beth thought she ever saw.

"These can't be mine," she said desperately. Beth looked down at the clothes in Sara's arms and picked them up. Beth wouldn't have thought so either. Sara stood up and started pacing the room. "I really thought that having my own clothes would help. I thought I would have memories wearing them and I would remember. I look at these and only see a stranger wearing them." Sara ran to the bed and picked up a skirt and held it up for Beth to see. "This can't be mine. It's like two sizes too big. Is it my aunt and uncles? Are they doing this just to mess with me?" She screamed louder then she meant to. "I can't even remember my own face. I spend hours looking at it in the mirror and.....nothing." Again she began to cry. Beth hurried to her side a put an arm around her. "Sara, Sara, listen to me." She said, trying to get her attention. Sara finally looked at her. "Clothes don't make the person, honey. Clothes are just pieces of cloth on your back. They can't tell you who you were or who you are. You'll find your way. This just wasn't the way to find it. It'll come, just give it time." Beth said rubbing her back. "We'll figure this thing out, together." She said.

Outside the room Seth stood with his eyes closed and head resting on the wall looking up to the sky. Guilt never felt as tormenting as it did in this moment right now. Little Kay walked up to him with her camera. She focused on his face then on the temporary name plate on the door reading Sara Scott, then back to him. "Is she going to be okay? I heard her crying." She said matter of factly. Without looking at the girl, Seth said, "I don't know." Kay looked at him and then started to walk away. "When I don't have anything to wear, my Daddy takes me shopping." She said.

The next few days were agony for Sara. She had to force herself to get out of bed, force herself to eat and she had to go to her meetings with the doctor. She didn't seem to be getting anywhere with the thearapy. It wasn't that the doctor wasn't helping she just wasn't in the mood for anything. And the doctor spent a lot of time asking questions Sara didn't know the answers to and then talking about her aunt and uncle. Very little time was spent talking about Lucas. Maybe the only thing she had more questions about than answers. Was he ok living with her 'family'? Were they taking good care of him? Did he miss her?

She sat in the big leather chair with her legs curled up under her. The doctor was just staring at her, not saying anything. Sara didn't have anything to say either. She was sick of talking about her feelings and sick of being forced to try to remember things it was obvious she would never remember again.

Finally the Dr. spoke. "I have a surprise for you," she said and stood up and went to her closet and opened the door and brought out a box and laid it at Sara's feet.

Sara just stared at it while the Dr. walked back to her chair behind the desk.

Dr. Cutler just sat there staring at Sara, waiting for her to open the box. Sara wasn't in the mood for the surprise game today, but the only way to get this session over with would be to open the box.

She leaned over and pulled the top off. Inside the box, stacked in a row, were photo albums.

She looked back up at the Dr.

"You're Aunt Deb sent them. They go back to when you were very young. Even some pictures of your mom I'm told." The Dr. explained. "I think it would be good for you to take some time and go through these albums. Maybe they'll spark some memories. All we need is one to work from." She said with an encouraging smile.

Sara picked up the box and left the office. Everyone was busy with physical therapy of some kind so the commons area was empty. She found a large table in the corner and plopped the box down then lifted the first album out and sat down and opened it to the first page.

It was an old discolored picture of a baby in a crib sleeping. 'How was this supposed to help here?' she thought. No one had a memory of being a baby.

She looked up, out the glass doors at the fountain. She stood up and walked out and sat on the wall of the fountains pool. Why was she forcing herself to remember who she was? Why was she allowing herself to feel like she had to? Would it be such a bad thing to never remember? If she was meant to stay that person, then why had this happened to her in the first place? But she did want to remember her son.

Sara sat staring into the water of the fountain until she began to feel the heat of the sun turning her skin red. She walked inside, back to the table and sat back down. She didn't turn the page, just stared and the album not really seeing anything.

She looked up and saw a man standing at the table. She wondered how long he had been there.

"My name is Michael Rouff, I'm a lawyer, and I represent the individual from your accident. May I sit down with you for a moment?" He asked. Sara looked around. She was not expecting a visitor today and wasn't much in the mood.

"Of course." She said politely. He sat directly across from her and opened his briefcase and proceeded to take out a stack of papers. Sara placed the album in the box and placed the box on the floor to make room for his papers. Confused as to what was going on or why he was there to talk to her, she said, "I should tell you that I don't remember anything from that night, so if I'm in some kind of trouble," she was cut off by his little laugh. Now she was really confused. "Miss Scott, I'm not here to sue you. I'm here to resolve a financial matter." Now she was a little more concerned. "I don't have any money?" She said flatly. He spread the papers out so she could see them all. "You are the recipient!" He told her.

"I don't understand." Sara said.

"My client hit your car, and caused you extensive suffering. He is willing to pay all of your medical bills, expenses and willing to offer a compensation for the inconvenience." The lawyer explained.

"Inconvenience? So you're telling me, I'm getting money?" She asked, wanting to be clear.

"Yes." He said, highlighting the areas he needed her to sign.

Realizing that she still didn't have a clear idea of what was going on, he said, "Do you want to wait to do this until you get a lawyer?" Sara had no idea how to get a lawyer or what she should do. All of a sudden she remembered she knew a lawyer. "Could you excuse me for just one minute?" She asked. Before he could respond she ran down the hall, found the room she was looking for, and started knocking on the door.

Seth opened the door and come face to face with his walking nightmare. Before he got a chance to make an excuse why he couldn't talk to her, she blurted out, "I heard you tell the kids that you're a lawyer, right?" She asked. He just looked at her surprised by the question.

"Are you a lawyer?" She asked again.

"Yes," was all he could say.

"Great, I need your help." Sara said as she grabbed his cane, shoved it into his hand and walked him back down the hall. When they got there and Seth recognized the man at the table, he stopped dead in his tracks. Now he knew exactly what was going on. Sara picked up the papers and handed them to Seth.

"Could you explain this to me?" Before he got a chance to say anything the lawyer stood up and said, "He can't help you with this."

"Why not, he's a lawyer? I just need him to read it and tell me if I should sign it." Sara looked at Seth asking with her eyes if he would do this one thing for her. How could he tell her 'no'?

"I'm not really the right person to help you with this. You should get a lawyer to look at it." Seth explained.

"You're the only person I have right now. I just need to know what you think." Sara said.

Seth took a deep breath, looked at Michael, then looked back at Sara. He held up the papers and began to read. After a few minutes he sat her down. "I can't tell you what to do, but it looks like a good deal."

"What kind of deal?" Sara asked.

"All of your medical bills will be paid for, the expenses while you recover and a monetary compensation." Seth explained.

"What does that mean?" She asked getting frustrated with the legal terms.

"They're willing to offer you two million dollars." Seth laid it out for her. Sara looked surprised. She didn't know much but she knew that was a lot of money.

"Oh." She said. She looked at Seth. "That's a lot of money."

Seth searched his mind to find the right words. Luckily the lawyer in him came out. "If they are willing to offer you that much then they can pay more. You can ask for more." He said, shocked at himself for saying it. What the hell did he just say? Did he really tell her to ask for more money? His money?

Sara looked at him with no expression on her face. "How much more." She asked.

Seth smiled to himself, he liked this question. It meant she was human, that she was just as flawed as everyone else. Money hungry. "Four million." He said. "There's one more thing," he added getting her attention. "This is a private suit; you'll never be able to know who it comes from or ask for more money. Once these papers are signed it's over. No more contact except the money."

Sara nodded her head then took the papers from Seth. She sat down at the table and the lawyer sat down with her. Seth turned and walked away. If she asked for more money it wouldn't hurt him, he had plenty of money, and it would make him feel better. He would at least be able to sleep at night knowing what he did, was to a real person and not some innocent lonesome dove.

Sara sat there for a minute. Michael was waiting for her rebuttal for more money. He heard Seth's comments and knew what he was doing. Sara grabbed the pen and began signing her name. "You don't have to do that. He told you, you could ask for more money."

"Why would I want to do that? It seems this person has suffered enough to offer this much money. They want to move on as much as I do." Sara said signing the papers.

Michael looked the papers over to make sure they were all signed. He couldn't help but ask his question. "You really don't want to know who did this to you." He waited for her response.

It was a question she couldn't deny she had asked herself. But explained to the lawyer the same conclusion she had come to. "Would it help? Would it give me my memory back? It wouldn't make me feel better." She said matter-of-factly. With that, the lawyer realized he was looking at the only decent person left in the world, and couldn't help but think of a couple of people who could use to lose their own memories if this was the result. He shook her hand and gave her a check for two million dollars. Sara placed the check in her pocket without looking to see if it was the right amount. The lawyer left, not before giving a short nod to Seth. Sara didn't see it. She was busy gathering the copies Michael had left her as well as her box of photo albums. She walked down the hall and right to her room as if nothing had happened, as if in the span of an hour she hadn't just become a millionaire.

Sara entered her room placed the papers in a drawer and the box in the closet. She walked to the window and stared at the fountain. How she loved that fountain.

The door to Sara's room opened and Beth stuck her head in. "How's it going. Peach?" Beth asked.

Sara was pleasantly surprised to see Beth. "I thought it was your day off?" She asked Beth.

"It is but I have some stuff for you." She walked to Sara and put the plastic bag down on the table next to Sara. 'Dave's Discount Books' was written on the bag.

Sara opened the bag and took out about seven books all different sizes. She read through a couple of the titles. There were two about religion. One about American history, a few fictions and the largest book was a book about the world's greatest fountains. Sara looked at Beth in wonder.

"Why did you do this?" She asked, sounding a little less thankful then she was.

Beth sat down on the bed and looked at Sara for a minute. "You are a happy person. I can see it in you. You have been so sad the last few weeks. You just want to find yourself." Sara's eyes began to tear up. She knew she wasn't happy but it hurt to know everyone could see it. Beth moved to the arm of the chair and began to rub Sara's back.

"Don't be sad, honey. You have the opportunity that most people never get; to discover who you really are, without a single influence from the outside world. No parents to tell you how you should act, no God to tell you what to believe, no one telling you how to live. You are completely free to be YOU!"

"What if I find out I'm a horrible person?" Sara asked.

"That's impossible. I see you with the kids. They love you and you care for them so much. No one could fake that. Children know. And it's not just the children, everyone loves spending time with you." Beth said, standing up to tidy up Sara's room.

"Not everyone." Sara mumbled to herself thinking of Seth.

Sara looked at the books then looked back up at Beth. "Thank you." She whispered.

"You're welcome my dear." Beth stood and started for the door. "And when you're done with those we'll get you some more." She gave Sara one last encouraging smile and left her to her reading.

Sara picked up one of the books and ran her hand over the front. This would be her first book. She wanted to remember it forever. She opened the book and began to read.

~~~~****~~~~
Chapter 7

At anytime of the day Sara could be found doing one of two things. Either quietly on the patio smoking while reading one of the books piling up in her room, or laughing whole heartedly while playing with the children. When she was with them she was always patient, understanding and determined to help take their minds off their current situations. If it was a car accident or cancer, their first day or their tenth month, Sara could get them to smile and laugh with her. Her natural ability with the children made her a favorite adult to come to in time of need or boredom. She was happy to comply even if she was knee deep in one of her books. The children also gave her space most of the time when she was in "her place," as they called the patio chair she'd occupy while reading. She could spend hours, not speaking a word to a soul, completely immersed in her current book. The ashtray would show any passerby the amount of time she'd spent in one sitting. She never emptied it until she was done with the book. Depending on the length, she could read an entire book in one sitting. It was anybody's guess what she was reading on any particular day. Biographies, murder mysteries, romance, religion, philosophy; nothing was ruled out by Sara. She loved them all. On the rarest of occasions, she'd sit with her ear buds in listening to music staring out at nothing. Once as Seth was walking by she was crying silently to herself. Not able to bring himself to offer her comfort he turned around and walked away, leaving her with her sadness. This side of Sara was hidden quite well to most of the occupants of the manor.

Sara hated the sadness. It made her feel weak and confused. She felt something missing but could never put her finger on what exactly it was.

Seth hadn't seen Sara in a couple days and had been waiting all day to escape for a few minutes. He had been talking for the last hour, working on some work that his office had sent over. He always felt better when he had something to do. Sara must be in her room reading. The nurses were all talking about the new library of books she had in her room. He walked to the glass doors. He walked to the edge of the balcony and looked out at the grounds. Sara was right, it was lovely there. He lit his cigarette and blew out the smoke.

"Hi."

Seth wasn't surprised whose voice it was, only that he thought he was alone. He took a deep breath and turned around. There she was. She looked different somehow. It wasn't her clothes. She was still wearing the same clothes they had given her; a white t-shirt that was a little too tight in the chest and surgical pants the he had noticed were the perfect snugness in her butt. She probably didn't realize any of that or wasn't concerned by it. It made Seth's muscles flex every time he saw her. She was sitting in the corner with a new book in her hands and a full ashtray on the table in front of her.

Seth realized his out as soon as he saw her. "I'm sorry; I didn't realize anyone was out here. I'll let you get back to reading." He said, as he went to put his cigarette out.

"No, don't. I've been reading for hours. It's good to hear someone's voice. Please sit down." She offered the free chair up for him. Seth hesitated, trying to find a way out of the situation, but then he looked at her and saw the anticipation in her eyes. He gave in and took the seat opposite of her. They sat there for a moment just looking at the full ashtray, not saying a word to each other. Seth was beginning to feel a little self conscious. Sara was the first to break the silence. "How is your therapy going?" She asked.

Seth was hesitant to have a conversation with her, but he already sat down. No way out now. "Good, I have a little ways to go before I can get out, but Ted says I'll be able to go home sooner than he thought." Seth explained.

"That's good." Sara responded. "You're lucky all you have to do is exercise. I have to talk to the same person every day." Sara said rolling her eyes. "Don't get me wrong, I like Dr. Cutler, but she wants me to talk about things that I don't remember and look through endless albums. It's very exhausting. I guess that's why I've spent so much time reading lately. It's like a small vacation from real life."

"What kind of things have you talked about?" Seth couldn't believe he had just asked that. Why did he care? He really shouldn't.

"My family and my old life. Dr. Cutler hates it when I say 'old life'. She says it's still my life even if I don't remember it. And she always wants me to talk about Lucas, my son." Sara explained.

Seth's heart had to have skipped a couple of beats with that news. He had no idea she had a son. Now, he didn't just screwed up one person's life, but a mother with a son. He had never thought about the other people in her life that were affected by this. Was she married? Did she have more than one child? He should not be talking to her. He started to come up with a way out of the conversation again when Sara started speaking again.

"I feel bad for him; Lucas. I don't know anything about him but I know he's staying with my family who don't seem like the nicest people in the world. I know he's my son but I feel like I have no right to make decisions about him. I feel like he's a stranger who has lost his mom. I feel bad for him in that respect but I don't feel like a mother, his mother." That little peak into her conscious was torture for Seth and he wanted to leave again. He stood up and Sara could see she had made him feel uncomfortable.

"I'm sorry", she said, "I didn't mean to dump my problems on your lap. You're just the only other adult around besides Beth that doesn't ask questions I can't answer. You don't have to leave." Seth could see the silent plead in her eyes. He willed himself not to care, to leave, but the look she was giving him was enough to stop him. He sat down and got more comfortable in the chair.

Seth decided to change the subject to the one thing he knew women loved to talk about. "So what are you going to do with all your new money?" He asked with a smile. Knowing no woman could resist shopping and dreaming of spending the money on all the things they ever wished to have.

"I don't know. I haven't given it much thought. I guess I need to put some of it away for Lucas to go to college, other than that I don't know what to do with it." Sara confessed.

"Well with four million dollars you could do whatever you want." Seth explained.

"Two." Sara corrected.

"Two?" Seth asked. "You didn't take more? I told you they would pay more. Why didn't you ask for more?" Seth could feel himself getting upset.

"I don't need it." Sara laughed at Seth's high pitched tone. "They're paying my medical bills and expenses. I didn't need any more than that. I don't even need that much. After you told me that once I signed it there would be no more contact, that it would be done, I realized the other person wanted it to be done just as much as I do. So I signed the papers. Done." Sara explained.

Now Seth was mad. He couldn't look at her. He stood up. "Sorry, I have to go take my pain meds. My leg is killing me from sitting here." Without waiting for a response from Sara, he walked back into the manor. Why the hell didn't she take more money? It didn't make a difference to him, that wasn't true. It did matter to him. He wanted her to prove that she was no better than everyone else. That she cared about money and revenge. That would have made him feel better. That's why he was angry. Because this proved that she was better than him, everyone he'd ever met, ever known. That she didn't care about the money, she just wanted to move on with this ridiculous life she had before her. Not knowing her family, her son, her own face in pictures. If he couldn't make it better with money what was left? What else do people want if not more money? What did Sara want? He knew the answer, but he also knew there was no way he could help her with that. He couldn't give her back her memories, and he couldn't help her find herself. Seth closed the door to his room, hobbled over to his bed and fell onto it and stared at the ceiling. He really needed to stop talking to her.

The next day Sara sat in the doctor's office curled up in the chair.

"You've been spending a lot of time reading lately." Dr.Cutler said.

"I guess." Sara replied, distracted by the fringe on the pillow she was holding.

"What have you been reading about?" the Dr. asked.

"Religion."

"Hmmm. Which ones?" The Dr. probed.

"Christianity, Judaism, Buddhism."

"And," the Dr. probed some more.

Sara thought about it for a while. "Why does religion have to be so......tragic?" She asked

The Dr. smiled. "Tragic?" she asked, "In what way"

"Christianity, the savior is a man tortured and killed. Why? For what purpose?"

"What have you come up with?" Dr. Cutler asked.

"It's easier to follow the rules if you feel guilty about something." Sara said.

Dr. Cutler smiled at her answer.

"So what do you believe?" Dr. Cutler asked.

Sara took a deep breath and thought about it. "I don't think I believe in any of it. Not the 'God' thing, but the religion thing. The history books tell such a horrid story of murder being done in the name of religion. I didn't get that from reading the bible. That's the other thing I don't get. The bible was written by man and man is fellable. So why take it at face value? They could have been liars or had some kind of personal agenda. I don't know, I just don't buy into it." Sara said, and turned to the windows facing the common area. Past that she could see the fountain and trees in the horizon. "But then I look out there and I think it all can't be for any reason. It can't be an accident of nature, there must be a reason to all this."

Dr. Cutler chose her next words carefully. "The car accident, do you think that was an accident or meant to be from some higher being?"

Sara looked back at the doctor. That was an excellent question. Sara sat there thinking about it. As she was about to answer, Mrs. Robert's voice came through the intercom on the doctor's phone. "Dr. Cutler, your next appointment is here."

Sara stood up, "Till next time." She said with a smile then walked out of the office. Maybe that answer needed more than a couple of minutes of thought.

~~~~****~~~~
Chapter 8

Sara found Beth in one of the guests rooms packing up her clothes. Sara picked up a shirt, folded it and placed it into the luggage. "Beth, could I ask you something?"

"Sure honey." Beth said placing more items into Kay's bags.

"I was wondering if you could take me somewhere?" Sara asked.

"Where do you want to go?" Beth asked.

"I would like to see my son." Sara said. She looked at Beth for a reaction. Luckily she saw the best reaction Beth could give. Beth smiled.

"I could find a way to do that, but why are you asking me and not Dr. Cutler?" She asked.

"She always wants to talk about why I do things or what I'm thinking. I don't want to explain this, I just want to see him, talk to him. Before, I felt I would only scare him but now I just need to know.....something. I think seeing him would help." Sara explained.

"I'll see what I can do." Beth smiled at Sara. Sara smiled back at her, stood up, kissed her on the cheek and walked out. Sara knew Beth would help. Even if nothing came of it she would finally get to meet her son.

Sara sat at one of the tables eating her lunch. She was not enjoying the sandwich, but she was determined to try something different every day. Chef Mike would make special things just for her to try. He was a slender man around forty years of age, which seemed odd to Sara. She thought a chef should be round and chunky from eating all the time. He had dark red hair that he kept very short since he got out of the navy ten years ago. Chef Mike told Sara she could tell what kind of person she was by the food she eats. So far all she knew was she liked salty over sweet but loved almost anything with chocolate. She didn't care for eggs and wasn't a breakfast person. She loved eating a light salad for lunch, anything more would make her tired in the afternoon. She loved coffee. Chef Mike taught her to use the espresso machine, so she could make herself a latte whenever she wanted. The only thing she knew was she was an adventurist; you had to be for the food Chef Mike would make her try.

Sara sat there trying to like the roast beef sandwich the chef had made her. All of a sudden there was a young women standing across the table, "Well, hot damn. If that ain't the sexiest bitch alive."

Sara smiled back at the girl, humorously shocked by the girl's vulgar words. She wasn't offended but she spent her days mostly around children and old people who didn't talk like that.

The girl could tell Sara had no idea who she was. The girl slumped into the chair next to her with a bewildered expression on her face.

"When your aunt told me you didn't remember anything, I thought they were just saying that to keep me away. I never thought it was for real." She said.

Sara looked at the girl very close trying to take in her entire face. She had very short black hair. It wasn't her natural hair color. You could tell from the woman's arched eyebrows. She wore a lot of black eyeliner all around her eyes and dark grey eye shadow. Her lips were blood red with a hoop through the bottom. She wore a short black skirt with knee high black socks. Her top was the same shade red as her lips. It hugged her top so tight Sara thought the bottom might actually pop off. Something seemed familiar.

"I recognize you from some pictures. Sorry, I don't remember your name." Sara said.

"Jenny." The girl said with a big smile. "Well, if you don't remember anything I better get to corrupting you," she said with a wink. "I didn't invest fifteen years into you for nothing." Sara laughed out loud at the thought and Jenny relaxed more into her chair.

Jenny and Sara sat there all afternoon. They had broken out some of the photo albums and had them open all over the table. Jenny was able to tell Sara about almost all of the pictures. Being her best friend it was easy, most of them she was either in or had taken. They laughed at some and Sara could see Jenny get teared up on others.

"You're looking good, girl." Jenny said sitting back in her chair. They had moved out to the balcony to smoke and have some privacy. "I'm loving your hair. It's getting so long."

Sara's long curly hair fell over her shoulder. Sara picked up the ends and examined her locks. "I was thinking of cutting it. It seems too long." She commented.

"God, just don't go back to wearing it in a bun all the time." Jenny replied, "It makes you look like a school teacher. But really, you look good. When I heard about the accident I was a little scared to come see you. It must have been bad." Jenny was referring to Sara's face. The swelling had gone down like the doctors had promised. The cut on her lip was pretty much all that was left and even that was almost healed.

"Yeah, I guess it was."

"But what's up with the nurse garb? Don't get me wrong, anything's better than your old clothes but really, what's up?" Jenny asked trying to lighten the mood.

Sara laughed quietly, "yeah, my aunt sent over my clothes. That stuff was not me. I couldn't bring myself to wear them. The nurses gave me this stuff in the hospital. I would just rather wear this then that crap in my closet."

The girls talked a little more before Jenny had to go. She gave Sara a big hug then promised to come see her again and a girl's night out when she got home.

Sara sat on the balcony after Jenny left. It had been a couple of days since she asked Beth about going to see her son but she didn't want to push the subject. She would wait patiently to hear from her. Beth walked out the door and looked around. "Sara have you seen Seth?" She asked.

Sara pulled her eyes out of the book and shook her head. "No, he doesn't really come out here anymore. I think he's afraid of me. He gets all weird and nervous."

"It's not you dear. Some people just don't do well around others." Beth said.

"No, that's not it. I've seen him around the kids. They love him. He talks so easily with everyone else but when he's around me he freezes." Sara explained.

Beth looked at Sara trying to read in her eyes why Sara cared so much. She knew why Seth was hiding from her. Everyone knew except Sara. Even the children could tell that he didn't want to be around her. Beth had overheard the kids ask Seth why he didn't like Sara. She didn't wait around to hear his response. She didn't think she wanted to hear the excuse.

Beth decided to change the subject. "I have some good news for you. I explained the situation to Dr. Cutler and she made a call to your family."

"Oh God, she wasn't mad was she? I didn't mean to hurt her feelings." Sara asked.

"No dear, she understood. They've decided to bring him here. Saturday." Beth said.

"Thank you Beth," she said jumping out of her seat and giving her a big hug. "Thank you. Thank You. Thank you." Beth hugged her back. They just stood there hugging and laughing over Sara's joy.

Sara walked into the manor with Beth. It sure had been a good day.

~~~~****~~~~
Chapter 9

It was turning out to be a gloomy day. It started raining an hour ago and there was no sign of it letting up anytime soon. Seth had been sitting in his room watching the weather channel for over an hour. Well, he wasn't really watching it; it was more like playing in the background while he thought about things. That was a lie too. There was really only one thing he was thinking about. Sara. Why couldn't he get her off of his mind? There was something about her; the way she looked at him, the way she talked, the things she said. She was always lingering there in his mind long after he'd gotten away from her.

Seth got up and walked out into the commons area looking for something to do. He was sick of being closed up in his room because of the weather or trying to hide from Sara. Seth noticed one of the boys staring out the window.

"Hey Peter. What are you looking at?" Seth asked the boy.

"Sara." The boy replied.

Seth looked out to where the boy was staring and saw Sara, in the rain, laying on the ground. Seth hurried out to bring her in. The rain was cold but the air was warm. The cause of the two made it foggy and not as cold as Seth feared it was. When he reached Sara he just stared for a moment. Her eyes were closed but she had a slight smile as if she were actually enjoying herself.

Without opening her eyes she said, "Lay with me."

"What are you doing?" Seth asked. He was already soaked and she was so drenched her clothes clung to her body extenuating her figure even more.

"Forgetting about the world." She answered simply. "Lay with me." She said again, her eyes still closed.

Seth took a deep frustrated breath. "You need to come inside."

"You need to lay with me." Sara said grabbing his arm and pulling him down.

Seth resigned arguing with her for the moment. Maybe if he lay down for a moment she would reconsider coming in. He lay down next to her." Now close your eyes." She said. He did. After a minute he felt his body relax. He felt the soft drops of rain on his face then felt himself smile. He turned his head to the side and opened his eyes and realized Sara had been looking at him. She smiled even bigger, then turned her head back and closed her eyes again. Seth did the same, still with a smile on his face. How was it that she could do this to him? She was so different than anyone he'd ever met. Like a breath of fresh air.

"I've never done this before." Seth admitted.

"Me neither." Sara replied. "Thank you for joining me." She said.

"Do you feel that?" She asked.

Seth was trying to figure out what she was talking about.

"What, the rain?" He asked, looking at her.

"No." She said. "Keep your eyes closed." She instructed then she grabbed his hand with hers. "It's like butterflies." She whispered. "My heart is racing." She explained.

Seth knew exactly what she was talking about because his was doing the same thing. And He knew why. "No." He said, then immediately dropped her hand and got up and walked back to the manor.

Sara rolled over and watched him walk away then rolled back over onto her back and closed her eyes. What did she say to make him leave? It was like she was always saying the wrong things to him. She took a deep breath. The butterflies were gone.

~~~~****~~~~
Chapter 10

Sara sat outside in her usual spot looking over pictures. Pages and pages of memories and people she couldn't remember. She promised herself not to get too excited about the visit but she couldn't help it. Even Dr. Cutler thought it would be good for her to sit down and talk to her family again. It showed progress that she wasn't afraid of them anymore. Sara lit a cigarette and looked out at the Fountain. Out of the corner of her eye she saw a head look around from the door.

"It's okay. You can come out here." She said.

Seth walked out the glass doors. "I didn't want to disturb you. You know, if you were busy." He lied. When he looked at Sara he knew she knew it too. He gave in and plopped down in the chair next to her. He felt like a child running from the bogey monster with her. He was so tired of running.

"So, what's your problem?" Sara asked setting her book down and looking him in the eye.

"What do you mean?" He asked.

"Why do you always leave when I walk into a room? You find excuses to leave or just ignore me." She asked.

Seth looked at her. He wasn't sure when the last time someone talked to him like this. He wasn't sure how to answer.

"You know you're the only person here that is remotely in my age bracket. The only person I could talk to and have a real adult conversation with, but instead of being my friend you treat me like a, a, monster." Sara said. She was tired too. Tired of being nice to him with the hope that he would come around and just talk to her. Sara stood up to walk away.

Fuck, he thought. Why does she have to notice everything? As she was walking past him, his instincts took over and he grabbed her hand. She looked down at their hands then looked at his face. In her eyes he could read all of her questions. He had no answers for any of them.

"Sit down." He pleaded. She just looked at him waiting for the answers. His grip got stronger. He couldn't let go now if he wanted to. "Please." He said.

She sat down in the chair next to him. He was still holding her hand.

"I do want to be your friend." He said. He couldn't believe the words coming out of his mouth. "You are like no one I've ever known. I just wouldn't be a good friend for you. You...."

"I'm just looking for someone to talk to." Sara interrupted. She looked less angry now. "I thought everyone needed someone. I must have been wrong." She pulled her hand from his.

They just sat there. Seth looked around. He saw her photo album and pulled it over to them. "What were you looking at?" This is his first attempt at this friendship thing. She looked up at him.

"Pictures taken last year. I don't really know what they are but there are some of me; and my son." Sara explained. "Actually, I'm finding it hard to find me in them. I don't see myself in those pictures."

Seth opened the album to a random page and looked at the pictures. He pointed to one. "There you are." He said.

Sara leaned over to examine the picture. Her hair brushed over his arm and he could smell her. She always smelled like some kind of spice that he never could recognize. He knew he liked it. Sara smiled at the picture then looked at Seth.

"How did you know? It doesn't even look like me." Sara asked.

"The eyes. Those are your eyes." He explained.

Seth turned the page. There was a little boy behind a cake with four candles. "This must be Lucas." Seth said, looking at the picture. "He looks just like you. His hair is a different color but he definitely has your eyes." Sara looked more closely at the boy's eyes. She never noticed that before. For the first time she could see it, a little piece of her in him. He was her son. She smiled and leaned back in the chair. It felt good.

An hour later, Beth came looking for Sara. She found her in her favorite spot but she wasn't alone. She was still sitting with Seth looking over pictures and laughing.

"Well, well." Beth's voice interrupted the noise. "I thought I'd come out here to bring you good news and I find you've finally found a reason to smile." Beth smiled at Sara.

"We were just looking at these pictures. They really don't look like me at all. I look like I'm in Halloween costumes in all of them." Sara explained, with one more little laugh. "What's the good news?" Sara asked.

"I talked Dr. Cutler into letting me take you shopping, if you're up to it, that is." Beth teased.

"Shopping?" Sara asked, confused.

"Well I thought you might need some new clothes for your meeting on Saturday, unless you're okay with meeting your son in surgical pants and a boys t-shirt." Beth joked.

Sara stood up. "Beth that is the nicest thing anyone has ever done for me. Thank you." Sara gave her a hug. "When can we go?" She asked.

"As soon as you're ready." Beth said.

Sara gave her a kiss and turned to go into the manor. Then she remembered her photo album. She turned and saw Seth sitting there. She grabbed the photo album. She looked at Seth. "Why don't you come with us?" She asked. Seth was surprised by the invitation.

"No, shopping is something meant for girls to do together." Seth explained.

Sara laughed at his comment. "God, you sound like an old man. Shopping is meant for friends. Wouldn't it be nice to get out for a little while?" She asked.

Seth looked at Beth for help but before she could come up with an excuse as to why he couldn't come, Sara turned to her and grabbed her hand.

"Beth, you must make him come with us." Sara pleaded. Beth could never say no to her. This was her one down fall and apparently Sara knew it.

Beth looked at Seth. "Of course he can come." She said, giving him the 'you come up with your own excuse' look.

Sara waited for Seth's response. He saw how much this meant to her. "Okay. I'll get ready." He said, getting up. Sara's smile got bigger. She ran into the manor and left Seth looking at Beth. She didn't have to say anything. The look in her eyes said it all; 'I hope you know what you're doing.

~~~~****~~~~
Chapter 11

Sara stared out the window of the car. Seth rented a private car to take them around shopping for the day so they all could enjoy themselves. The windows were dark but she could see the city they were driving through. She felt like a child out of her element. There were so many people walking around. Huge buildings reaching so high she couldn't see the tops. She found a new respect for what she called home, the manor. They pulled up to a private door and a man came and opened the door for them. Sara was the first to get out. She stood looking around at all of the people. This was her first experience feeling out of place. All the ladies walking by were dressed very nice. Like the women in the magazines some of the nurses left out for the patients to read through. Their hair was all done up or beautifully curled down their backs. Sara had long blonde hair that seemed to have grown six inches in the short time she could remember. It reached almost down to her butt. They all wore high heels and designer clothes. Seth grabbed her arm and gave her a smile to let her know she was fine. She felt a little better. They walked in and Sara's eyes grew bigger. How was she supposed to find clothes in this place? It was huge. The walls were covered and most of the floor was filled with racks of clothing. A woman walked up to them.

"How are you doing today? My mane is Missy. Can I help you find what you're looking for?" She asked.

Seth spoke up for Sara. "My friend needs a new wardrobe and we thought you might have what she is looking for." He explained.

Missy looked pleased. She looked Sara over, not being able to distinguish her style from the clothes she was wearing. She asked, "and what style would you be looking for today?"

"Um, I'm not sure." Sara hesitantly said.

"Well, I'm sure we will be able to find just what you're looking for." Missy said in a very confident voice. "Please follow me."

Missy walked them deeper into the store. "What size are you? Normally I'm good at guessing but your clothes are a little baggy." Missy asked. Sara thought it best to put on 'her' clothes instead of the surgical pants.

"Um, I'm not sure." Sara said, stumped again.

Seth had never seen Sara like this; nervous, timid. He didn't think he liked it. He did like that she wouldn't let go of his hand. Missy stopped and held up a blouse with flowers on it. "Do you like this?" She asked Sara.

Sara looked at it. The flowers were pretty. "It's very pretty." She said. Missy began walking again. She stopped and picked up a pair of tan pants. "How about this?" she asked.

"Sure." Sara said. After a couple more stops, Missy led her to an open room with mirrors all over the wall. She gestured to the chairs for Seth and Beth to sit then led Sara to the changing room.

Sara returned a couple minutes later. She was wearing the outfit Missy had picked out for her. It really was a beautiful outfit. It showed off her figure which made Seth shift a little in his chair. Her chest was bigger than he thought and the pants were better fitting in her butt than in those surgical pants.

And the way her hair fell all down around her...

"What do you think?" Sara asked Seth.

"It's nice." Seth said.

Beth on the other hand knew better. Sara looked gorgeous, but there was one problem. She didn't feel comfortable in it. She could see it in Sara's face.

"This is a wonderful outfit." Beth said, pushing Sara's hair out of her face. "It doesn't seem like you anymore than all those clothes in your suitcase. The point was for you to get clothes that reflect who you are, not clothes that make you look like everyone else."

Sara looked at herself in the mirror for a long time. Was this her? It was beautiful but it screamed not Sara.

"You're right." Sara said turning back to Beth.

"Maybe you should go out there and look. I know it looks intimidating, but you are the only one who knows what would look good on you." Beth suggested.

Sara nodded in agreement and went back to the dressing room. Sara then out into the sea of clothes. This was her chance to find her own style. This was a first step in finding herself. She began to smile, knowing she would be the only one to do it for her. Sara walked around looking at all the pieces she passed. She picked up a couple of things and walked past others. Before she knew it she had more then she could carry.

She ran back to the dressing room, not saying anything to Seth or Beth. She was too excited. The first outfit was as plain as anything else, but Sara looked comfortable. It was a pair of jeans that fit her as well as the pants she had on earlier, and a black shirt that was cut a little lower than Seth was prepared for.

She smiled and showed it off by turning around. Both Seth and Beth nodded in approval.

Sara ran back into the room to try on more clothes. The following two hours were filled with Seth and Beth watching Sara try on clothes and store associates running to get different sizes or different colors and a couple new pieces to match pieces that Sara already had picked out. Sara even got some lingerie that Missy had sneaked in without Seth or Beth seeing. Missy and Sara were going through the yes pile and no pile. "Do you think I could wear some of these today?" Sara asked. "Of course, just pick out what you want to wear and I'll remove the tags for you." Missy said.

Sara already knew what she wanted to wear. She grabbed the first outfit she tried on and put it on. She slipped on the sandals that Missy had brought to match.

She looked at herself in the mirror and was pleased. She was really starting to look like herself, or what she thought she looked like. Missy handed the yes pile to two women waiting to ring up the items. Missy explained that Sara would be wearing some of the items home today and handed them the tags to be rung up. Missy turned to Sara and straightened her hair. "Have you thought about getting your hair cut?" Missy asked Sara.

Sara looked in the mirror at her long hair. It was longer than anyone she had seen today.

"It's just that it's so long, it might be good to get a few inches cut off. There is a salon in the main part of the mall. They might take walk-ins." Missy said.

Sara considered it, and then walked out to find Seth and Beth.

"You look wonderful!" Beth said to Sara. Seth took a deep breath, knowing he would have to spend the rest of the day with Sara looking like this.

"I would like to go to a salon if that's okay." Sara explained.

"Well, that's fine with me. We don't have to be back at a certain time. You have all day." Beth turned to Seth, "are you okay to walk around?" She asked him.

"Walking would be good for a little while." Seth said, grabbing his cane.

"Great, I just have to pay for the clothes and then we can go." Sara said.

"I took care of it." Seth said matter-of-factly.

Both Sara and Beth looked at him. "Why would you do that?" Sara asked, shocked. She knew she had racked up a lot. Beth looked at him already knowing the answer.

"Just a gift between friends." Seth explained.

"That's an awfully nice gift." Sara said

Beth shook her head. "Sure is." She said.

Seth walked on. "Let's find this salon. Your clothes are being delivered to the car."

Sara and Beth walked after Seth. Sara looked and Beth and gave her the 'oh my God look'. Beth returned it with the 'I don't know what to tell you look'.

"Why are you going to the salon?" Beth asked as they got closer.

"I was thinking of cutting my hair?" Sara explained.

"Really?" Beth responded in surprise. "How much?" Beth asked.

"Oh, I don't know, most of it, I guess." Sara said.

Both Seth and Beth stopped. "Why would you want to do that?" Beth asked.

"I' don't know. To try something new, I guess." She explained, and then walked into the salon. Just her luck they did have a time open for her.

Seth and Beth sat in the hall on the sofa waiting for Sara. Not talking. Beth desperately wanted to say something to Seth but she knew it was nothing Seth already didn't think about. Beth could see it in his face every time he looked at Sara. All of a sudden Seth's head rose. Beth looked to see what he was staring at. She looked in that direction and saw her. Sara. She looked gorgeous. They had done her make-up, but it looked fresh not caked on. Sara walked over to them. She looked comfortable and confident. Her hair was still long and beautiful.

"I thought you said you wanted it cut?" Beth asked.

Sara smiled. "I know. But I think I like the way it is. I remembered in all those pictures my hair was always pulled back or in a hideous bun. It can be different without being cut." Sara explained.

Beth nodded in approval. Seth tried not to stare.

"Okay, I'm starving. There's got to be a place to eat in here." Beth looked around for a mall directory.

"They're this way," Seth pointed down the hall. They all began to walk. Beth spotted the first restaurant. "Is this okay?" She asked them.

They both nodded. Sara looked at Seth in confusion. "You don't like my new look?" She whispered to Seth. Seth looked down at her.

"Why would you say that?" He asked.

"You haven't once said that you like my clothes or my hair." Sara said.

"I do like it, all of it. I'm just...a guy. Sorry. I told you I wouldn't be good at this."

Apparently male ignorance would excuse Seth, in Sara's eyes. She perked up a little. The server escorted them to their table. Sara looked around. There were televisions's in every direction, odd trinkets on the walls and music coming out of the ceiling speakers.

"It's a sports bar." Beth explained. "You like it?" Sara looked around one more time to try to take it all in in. She smiled then looked at Beth. "I think I do." The server handed them all a menu and proceeded with her memorized speech of the specials and drink specials.

"Can I start you out with something to drink today?" Stacy, the server, asked.

"That's a good idea, have a drink." Beth encouraged Sara.

"What kind of drink?" Sara asked.

"One from the bar." Beth said.

"Um, I don't know." Sara said.

"Live a little." Beth joked.

"Will you have one with me?" Sara asked.

"We'll all have one!" Beth announced.

Seth shook his head. "Not for me."

Beth looked at him. "You can sip it."

Beth looked at Stacy. "I'll have a whiskey sour."

She looked at Seth and gave him the 'don't push me' look.

Seth took a deep breath, "I'll have a crown on the rocks."

Sara was confused. She didn't know what she wanted.

Seth looked at Sara and could see her inner struggle.

"She'll have a Sex on the Beach." Seth said.

Sara looked at Seth concerned. "If you don't like it, you can order something else." Seth reassured her.

After they all had a chance to look over the menu, Stacy returned with the drinks. "Are you all ready to order?" She asked.

"I'm going to have the Chicken Caesar salad," Beth said.

"I think I'm going to try the...um...." Sara paused, not really sure what she wanted.

"Why don't you just try the burger? Everyone likes burgers, unless you're vegetarian." Seth offered.

"Sure." Sara closed the menu, glad not to make the decision.

"I'll have the filet, medium." Seth said, handing Stacy the menus.

"Great. I'll get that right in for you." Stacy said and walked away.

Seth lifted his glass to propose a toast. Beth followed his lead and Sara mimicked the two. "Here's to finding yourself."

"To finding yourself, and being happy with what you find." Beth added.

"Thank you." Sara said. They clicked their glasses and each took a drink. Beth and Seth watched Sara carefully to see her reaction. Sara took a drink and smiled.

"What do you think?" Asked Beth.

"It's fruity. I like it." Sara answered.

They sat there talking until their food arrived. When Stacy put the plate in front of Sara, her eyes bugged out a little. She had never seen so much food on a plate and she really wasn't sure she could fit the huge burger into her mouth. She smiled. This was all part of learning. She picked up the burger and took a big bite. Seth and Beth laughed at the childish action.

"Here, try this." Seth cut a small piece of his steak and held it out for Sara to taste. She gently took the piece from the fork and smiled. She chewed slowly, savoring the taste. "That's good," she said.

Beth offered her some of her salad and Sara responded with the same.

Stacy came back to check on them and noticed their drinks were low. "Another round?" She offered.

Beth nodded. "What the hell."

Sara smiled and pointed to the picture on the table. "Could I try that?" She asked.

"Sure, would you like strawberry, lots-a-berry or peach?" Stacy asked.

"Um...the pink one on the picture, please." Sara said.

"Strawberry, great, and for you sir?" Stacy asked Seth.

"No for me, thanks." Seth said. Beth and Sara were both giving him the 'party pooper' look. "Okay, one more for me too. Thank you."

Sara smiled and took another bite of her burger. She had not even eaten half and was already getting full. Stacy returned with the drinks and took the empty glasses off the table to make room for Sara's. Sara looked at the giant drink in front of her and began laughing. "What am I supposed to do with that?" She asked.

"Drink it." Seth explained with a laugh. Sara took a drink from the straw. She instantly liked it. It tasted better than the last drink, not so much alcohol in this one. She took another big drink. Seth knew that even though it wouldn't taste like it, it did still have enough liquor in it.

"It has more than you taste." He said.

"Easy dad!" Beth teased. "She's a big girl, let her experiment a little." Sara smiled her thanks to Beth and took another drink out of defiance, while looking at Seth. Seth smiled and took another bite of his food.

Stacy came back later and removed all the plates. "Are you going to try some dessert tonight?" Stacy asked.

"Give us a minute to think about it." Seth said. With that Stacy took her leave.

All of a sudden they heard a squeal and all turned in the direction of the sound. A woman about the same age as Beth was running for their table with her arms spread out. Beth took one look at the woman and squealed herself. Beth stood up and ran to the woman. The two women embraced then began examining the other ones body and giving each other compliments. Seth and Sara exchanged a surprised look. They turned back to watch the spectacle in front of them.

"Come here, I want you to meet my friends." Beth pulled the woman to the table.

"This is Seth and Sara. Guys, this is Tonya." She gestured to the woman in her arms. "We went to school together, then later graduated from nursing school together. I haven't seen her since she moved to Florida with her husband. How long has it been...two, three years?" She asked Tonya.

"Three this winter." Tonya agreed.

"Come to my table for a minute, you'll never guess who's with me." Tonya coached.

Beth looked back at her table and before she could say anything, Seth said, "We'll be fine. We'll get some dessert. Get caught up."

Beth patted his cheek. She knew what a sacrifice this was for him, being left alone with the new Sara. The two women walked to the other side of the restaurant, not without getting out a few more squeals.

Seth took a deep breath then turned to look at Sara who was sipping her drink. She already looked like she may be feeling the effect from the drinks. But who was he to tell her what to do?

"Seth." Sara said to get his attention. He looked at her. She seemed to say his name in the most poetic way sometimes.

"Yes." He waited for her question.

"Tell me about yourself." She said.

"What's there to tell? You know all the important things. I'm a lawyer. I live in the city. I love my job." He stated.

"No," she said smiling, "the important things; your family, friends, stuff like that." She explained.

Seth stirred in his chair, he was feeling very uncomfortable right now and it wasn't the pain in his leg. He wasn't sure he wanted her to know everything about him.

"I don't know..." He said.

Sara could tell he didn't want to talk, or didn't want to talk to her. She looked down. "That's fine. Just forget I asked. I didn't mean to put you on the spot." She said.

Seth could tell he hurt her feelings. Why did he care that he hurt her? "I grew up in Virginia, with my grandparents." he started. Quickly Sara lifted her head surprised that he changed his mind so quickly. "My parents died when I was ten, so I lived with my grandparents until I went to college. I don't have any siblings, so when my grandparents died that left me with no family. My friends are the people who I work with. Jack, I guess, would be my best friend if I had to pick one. He and I went to college together, and I enjoy spending time with him and his family. He has a boy about six years old, who is a lot of fun."

Sara just listened to him talk. She could imagine all of it...living in Virginia, going to college, having dinners with Jack's family, and watching Jack and his son playing on the floor after dinner. She just let him talk and she listened carefully, listening to the fondness he had for Jack and his family. After Seth had spilled his guts in the matter of a few minutes he looked at Sara to see if she was satisfied. She smiled when he finished talking.

"I wish I had memories like that." She said jealously.

Seth hated when she said stuff like that. It was hard to know that he had caused that but the way she said it, it was as if it didn't really bother her. It was just something that she accepted.

Stacy came back to the table with a huge piece of chocolate cake. "Your friend asked that I bring this over. She hopes that it will keep you busy for a few more minutes." Stacy explained. "Can I get you something to drink with your dessert?" She asked.

"Mmm...what goes good with chocolate?" Sara asked.

"How about a White Russian?" Stacy offered.

"Sure." Sara agreed without even asking what was in it.

Sara waited for Stacy to return with her drink before she ate the cake. She took a drink, "That's good too." She said. Sara grabbed her fork and looked at Seth. "You're not going to have any?" She asked, surprised that anyone could pass up anything that looked this good.

"More for you." He lied. That made Sara smile. Sara dug her fork into the chocolate cake and brought it up to her mouth. Before eating it she smiled in anticipation. She closed her eyes, opened her mouth and gently pulled the cake off with her lips, savoring every last taste. She couldn't believe it. Everything should taste this good. It was chocolate but there was caramel and some kind of nuts. It was heaven in her mouth. After she had savored the last of the cake, she opened her eyes. When she did she was looking right into Seth's. Why was he looking at her like that? She couldn't read anything in his eyes. She was usually really good at reading people. She couldn't read him though. Without saying anything, she got another piece of cake on her fork and held it out for him to try just like he had done for her. Seth just sat there, looking at her. He swallowed hard then opened his mouth and took the cake off her fork. Sara smiled. Then she scooted close to him, so close he could feel the heat of her leg next to his.

Seth couldn't take his eyes off of her. What was she doing? He prayed he was wrong. Then prayed he was wrong about that. Her eyes fell to his mouth. She lifted her hand to his face and wiped the little piece of chocolate that was left at the corner of his mouth. When she looked back at his eyes she could now see what he was feeling. She instantly felt the same way. She had secretly wondered what it would be like to kiss him. For some reason she always felt different around him. She took a deep breath and placed her hand on his cheek and leaned closer. So close, but not touching. She waited for him to pull away but he just stared at her. She lowered her eyes to his lips then moved closer. This would be her first kiss and she wanted to remember it forever. She gently pressed her lips to his then closed her eyes. His lips were so soft. Soft and warm, like the silk shirt she had tried on earlier, but they were wet silk. Seth leaned in closer and grabbed her face with his hand. He gently tilted her face to the side so their lips met more fully. He slowly opened his mouth and rubbed her lips with his tongue coaching them apart. Sara slowly spread her lips and allowed him access. Seth touched the tip of his tongue to hers. He rubbed his tongue on hers. He moved it all over, discovering her whole mouth, again and again. Her heart started beating wildly. She could feel her face warm. Slowly Seth slipped his tongue out of her mouth and kissed her again on the lips. He pulled his head away slowly. When he opened his eyes she was staring at him. Sara lifted her hand to her mouth and touched them not believing what had just happened. Her heart was still racing. She took a deep breath to calm her nerves. Her eyes never left his. Neither did his. They just sat there looking at each other.

Pounds of guilt started weighing on Seth. He couldn't let this happen. If she knew the truth she would never be sitting there with him. She wouldn't have kissed him and she wouldn't be looking so pleased. "Sara, I have to tell you something." He began. She just stared at him not caring what he said, just enjoying this feeling. She didn't know what it was she was feeling but she knew she liked it.

Seth couldn't look at her anymore. His eyes fell down. It suddenly became hard for him to speak. Sara just waited patiently for him to start.

"I don't know how to say this." Seth started again, but suddenly Beth appeared.

"Oh my God, I totally lost track of time." She grabbed her purse.

"We should really get going. I have to get you guys back before it's really late." Seth and Sara just looked at each other for a second then grabbed their stuff. Seth paid their server and they left. Sara didn't say anything the rest of the night. Beth assumed it was because she had such a long day. Later Seth lay in his bed trying to find a way out of this mess. Sara lay in hers dreaming of their kiss.

~~~~****~~~~
Chapter 12

Sara woke up with a smile. All of her dreams were filled with the kiss Seth and she shared the night before. She was excited to start the day. She jumped up and walked into her bathroom. She looked at herself in the mirror. It was funny...she felt different, but didn't look different. She stared at her lips where Seth had traced his tongue, and then she saw it. She leaned closer and could see the little scar on her lip. It was from her accident. She wondered if Seth had felt it when he kissed her. She rubbed her finger over the spot. Would it ever go away? She turned the shower on, got undressed and got into the shower. As she washed her hair with her new designer shampoo she got from the salon, she thought about everything she did yesterday. All the clothes she got, the food and the drinks. She decided she liked Beth's Chicken Caesar Salad the best out of all the food. She liked the pink strawberry drink she had. And she definitely liked the chocolate cake. It was a good day. She had Beth and Seth to thank for it. That's exactly what she would do. The first thing she would do would be to thank both of them for everything they did yesterday.

When she was done with her shower, she stood over her bed looking at all the clothes she got. There were so many. How would she decide what to wear? She thought about it another minute longer then chose her outfit for the day; a long white skirt and a pink short sleeved shirt. After she got dressed she went to the bathroom to do her hair. She brushed the long hair running down her back. She was so glad she didn't cut it. She liked her hair just the way it was. She sectioned her hair in two and made short braids, leaving about a foot of curl at the end. Then she took a piece of pink ribbon and wrapped it around the ends to secure it. She did the same to the other side. She put a little make-up on, not as much as she wore yesterday, but enough to emphasize her features like the women at the salon had taught her. She decided she liked her eyes. They were dark blue, and she picked the perfect shade.

When she was all done she decided to go find Beth and Seth. She walked into the sitting area. The kids were sitting there doing a project. She located Beth helping a little boy glue a piece of string onto a paper horse. She walked up to them. They both looked up as she approached. The boy was the first to speak.

"You look different." He said matter-of-factly.

Sara laughed. She knew he was telling the truth. "Do you like it Peter?" She asked.

He looked her up and down then noticed her hair. "I like your hair." He stated and then went back to his project.

"Thank you. I like your pony's hair too." She replied.

Beth stood so she could take a better look at the new Sara. She smiled. "You look like...you." She said finally. It was the best compliment. It was exactly the look Sara was going for. She smiled at Beth then walked around the table. She gave Beth a huge hug then whispered into her ear, "Thank you for everything you did yesterday."

Beth knew how much it meant to Sara and that she would feel a little more relaxed tomorrow when she saw her family.

"My pleasure." Beth assured her.

"Do you know where Seth is? I'd like to thank him too." She asked looking around the room.

"I believe he's outside. The other kids talked him into helping with a game of kickball." Beth told her.

Sara smiled her thanks to Beth, gave her hand a quick squeeze and walked out the back door. She stood at the top of the stairs and saw the small group. The kids were so inventive she thought. They didn't have bases so they all chipped in a piece of clothing. Instead of a kickball, they were using a volleyball. The kids didn't seem to care. One of the physical therapists, Bobby, was rolling the ball very carefully to them. Sara smiled and walked down the stairs and over to the group. She reached the edge of the imaginary field and waited for the girl to prepare her kick. Before Bobby had a chance to roll the ball, the little girl saw Sara and ran to her squealing. Everyone looked in the direction the girl was running. When the other kids realized it was the 'new' Sara they all ran to her too. She got on one knee so she could be face to face with the kids. They were all talking over each other, asking about her new clothes, and hair. One of the boys asked if the boogie man had taken her clothes, if that was why she had to get new ones. She assured him there was no boogie man. She tried answering all their questions. When she got a second, she looked up to see if she could still see Seth. He had been standing on the other side of the field. He was looking down, and when he looked up at her he didn't smile, just looked for a second then turned around and walked away. Sara was confused. Why hadn't he come over to her? She returned her focus on the children, settling them down so they could finish their game. One of the kids noticed Seth had left and informed Sara that she had to take his place. She agreed and walked over to Seth's spot. She wondered again why Seth had left. Then she decided to enjoy the kid's game of kickball. The girl took her stance to kick the ball again and Bobby rolled it to her. The girl ran at the ball and kicked it as hard as she could. The ball went flying into the air. The girls face lit up and she began running for first base. Sara yelled a praise at the girl and told her to keep running.

After a good hour of playing outside they decided to go in for a snack. Sara left the children to their snacks, realizing it was her hour for therapy. She walked to the doctor's door and knocked. She could hear the doctor's voice inviting her in. Sara opened the door and closed it behind her. She automatically took her seat and prepared herself for the hour ahead. She decided that everyone did things they didn't want to. She was no different, so she relaxed in her chair and made a mental note to try to enjoy these meetings.

"So Sara," Dr. Cutler started looking Sara up and down, "you like your new clothes?" She asked.

Sara smiled, looking down while brushing a piece of grass off her skirt. "Yes I do."

"And what does it say about you?" the Dr. asked.

That brought Sara up short. She was confused, not sure what the Dr. was asking.

"Huh?" Sara responded.

"You said the other clothes weren't you. Now you have new clothes, and I'm wondering if they tell you who you are."

Sara now understood what the doctor was saying in not so many words. She didn't like it. The doctor wanted her to remember who she was and Sara knew she was fighting it a little bit. Why should she force herself to remember? Maybe this was all meant to be. This was the way it was supposed to be for her.

Sara stood up very angry. She hated the way she felt and she hated that the doctor was trying to force her into feeling guilty.

"It doesn't say anything about me. I feel more like myself in these than what was sent over here for me to wear. What does it say about you that you would try to take this away from me?" It was a rhetorical question, Sara wasn't even sure the doctor would care enough to give it much thought. Sara walked out of the office and closed the door more firmly then she had meant to. The door slammed shut and had everyone turned in her direction from the rec hall.

She walked past everyone and out the glass doors. Beth watched after her in shock. She looked up at the doctor's office just in time to see the doctor close the blinds to her office with a frown of her face.

Sara walked out the doors without watching where she was going and walked right into someone big enough to stop her in her tracks.

"I'm sorry." She said startled. But before she got the chance he said, "That's okay." He then quickly walked into the manor. Sara just stood there confused. What was going on with him? Was he mad that she kissed him? If that was the case why didn't he stop it last night? This Seth thing was really starting to bug her. She sat in her chair looking down at her new clothes. Why did he keep doing this to her? He walked away from her earlier and now he walked away without hesitation. Could she be a bad kisser? Would that really have mattered? No, he liked the kiss, she knew that much. Then why would he ignore her all day? Did he think she wanted more from him? Honestly, she didn't know what she wanted from him? Why was this bugging her that much if she didn't want anything else? All the questions flew through her mind. She took a long deep breath then looked out at the water fountain. Instant relaxation. None of it mattered. She wouldn't let this ruin her day. Sara sat staring at the fountain forgetting all about Seth and the doctor.

The rest of the day went by quickly. After dinner Sara sat in her room and decided to set clothes aside for tomorrow. This morning took her longer than she had thought, and being that tomorrow was an important day, she didn't want to waste time picking out the right outfit. She stood in front of her closet and tried to pick out the best she had. She decided on her black dress pants and a white see through shirt. She would wear a white tank top under it. It was one of her more dressy outfits but she thought it would be more appropriate then looking too casual. She got into her new pajamas and decided to go have a cigarette before bed. Maybe that would calm her nerves. She walked down the hall and out the glass doors. Seth was sitting down smoking. When he saw her, he instantly stood up. Sara inwardly rolled her eyes. Here we go again, she thought.

Before he got a chance to run away she held out her hand to stop him.

"No, I'm sorry, I'll go." She started to turn away then thought again. She turned back to him. She decided that he had to be wearing the stupidest expression on his face. He was just standing there as if he were frozen.

"No..." She started. "What the hell is wrong with you?" She wasn't yelling, just very confused. "You're doing it again."

"What?" He asked.

"Don't." She yelled, holding up one hand. "Just because I lost my memory doesn't mean I don't know when I'm being ignored."

"I'm not ignoring you." He began.

"Then what?" She interrupted. "Why would you act like this. Why would you pretend to be my friend then go back to ignoring me?"

"I don't know." He said

"Did I do something to piss you off?"

"No."

"Do you just not like me?"

"No!" He insisted.

"Is it because I kissed you?"

"No." He yelled back turning away from her. Seth couldn't take all the questions, only because he couldn't answer any of them. He started to tell her the truth last night, but later, when he was alone, he realized he was afraid she would hate him and he couldn't do it. He couldn't handle that. He knew he was being selfish but he couldn't help it. He turned back to her. Sara just looked at him confused, waiting for the answers that would not come. When she came to terms with his silence, she walked closer to Seth and looked him dead in his eyes.

"Fine." She said in a quiet tone with no feeling. "We are not friends. We have nothing in common. There is no reason for us to talk to each other. Now, the line is clear. There will be no more confusion."

Seth took a deep breath. He looked down, ashamed of what he was putting her through. He just couldn't confess to being the one who hit her car and caused her loss of memory. But he couldn't stand the alternative, her hate. For some reason he felt better knowing that she hated him for the wrong reason then why she really should hate him.

"Fine." Was all he could say.

Instinctively, Sara raised her hand and slapped him across the face. She knew it had to hurt because it hurt her hand. She waited for a second to see some kind of reaction and when there was none she turned and walked back to her room. She had no idea what came over her. She never imagined herself as violent. Seth was really helping her discover herself, too bad it was nothing good. She took solace in the fact that she wouldn't be wasting her time anymore. She had to build a relationship with her son and that was the most important thing right now. She would find herself with or without Seth's friendship.

The next morning Sara woke up with determination. She would spend the day with Lucas and see if she had it in her to be a good mom. That seemed to be the only thing standing in her way. She felt she was good with kids. All of the kids at the manor seemed to like her and if that didn't say anything about her nothing would. She made a promise to herself as she got ready. She wouldn't think about what happened between her and Seth last night. She said it was over and she would leave it at that. It wasn't worth thinking about. She gave herself one last look in the mirror and walked out of the room. She could feel her anticipation rising. She saw Dr. Cutler standing outside her office and decided to ask her if they arrived yet.

"Good morning Dr. Cutler. I was just wondering if my parents have arrived with Lucas?" She asked, trying not to sound too eager. But the doctor could see it in her face. She smiled at Sara, "They should be here in the next half hour." She rubbed Sara's back in a motherly fashion. "Don't be so nervous, I'm sure everything will go well today. They are your family after all and in the end they just want you to get better." Sara nodded, hoping she felt the same as the doctor after this visit. She hoped they still weren't mad that she wouldn't go home with them from the hospital.

"I'll just wait outside." Sara said and walked toward the doors leading to the balcony. The doctor watched Sara walk away. She really did hope this would be a good visit for her. What Sara didn't know was that the only way the doctor could get them to bring Lucas was if they could have a chance to convince her to come home. She wasn't sure how that would go over but she had faith that everything would work out in the end. Sara sat at the edge of the fountain looking at her reflection. She tapped the water with her finger and watched her face become distorted then back to normal. In the background she saw a new reflection, a little boy. It was Lucas. She turned around slowly not to startle him. He just stood there looking at her.

She smiled at him. "Hi." She said invitingly.

"Hi." He said. Sara wasn't sure what she should do. If she tried to hug him would he push her away? Before she could give it anymore thought he hugged her. It was the strongest hugs she ever felt from a child. It almost had a silent plea behind it. She returned the hug just as she was receiving it, being careful not to hurt him. When he finally pulled away, she offered him a seat next to her. She looked up and saw her aunt and uncle looking at them through the doors. The doctor was standing with them and then she said something to them and ushered them away from the window. Sara made a mental note to thank her later. She wanted a little privacy with Lucas.

"Was it a long trip?" She asked him.

"No." He responded. He looked up at the fountain then looked out at the grounds. "This is a big place."

"Yes it is." She said with a little laugh at his observation. "Would you like to take a walk around? I could show you the grounds."

"I can see the grounds from here, but we could look around the rest of it." He said.

Sara laughed again. "Good idea." She said.

They both stood up and walked slowly toward the field. "This is where the kids play kickball." She told him.

"I don't like kickball." He informed her.

"No?" She said. "I can never seem to kick the ball and when I do it never goes where I want it to go." She confessed.

"Me too."

"Well, what do you like to do?" She asked.

"I like to play with my trains, but grandma says they're too loud. So, you know what I do? I take them into my room and I pretend they're noises. That doesn't seem to bother anyone."

"I like to pretend too." She told him.

"What do you pretend?" He asked.

"Well, sometimes some of the boys and I pretend that we are soldiers, and sometimes the girls and I pretend to be princesses."

"I wish you could pretend with me?" He said. Sara's heart ached in that moment. She stopped walking and knelt down on her knees so she could be face to face with him. "I know. This must be really hard for you." Lucas looked down at his shoes. Sara could see he was very sad and didn't want to talk about it. She got an idea.

"We can play a game, if you want." She said.

He looked up at her. "We could play 'what do you see'." She offered.

"How do you play that?" He asked. Sara smiled. "First we need to lay down with our backs on the ground." They both lay down next to each other. "Then you find a shape in the clouds and you tell the other person what you think it looks like." She explained. Lucas looked up at the clouds. "That one looks like a train." He said excitedly. She laughed. "Yeah, I see it too."

"Okay, it's your turn." He told Sara.

"Okay..." She said looking at the clouds. "That one looks like a giraffe, with a really long neck." She said pointing to a cloud.

"And that one next to it looks like a duck." Lucas added. "I didn't know this game had a name. I used to play this all the time." Lucas told her.

"Who did you play with?" She asked.

"You. We used to go to the park, even in the winter and we'd play." He informed her. He rolled over so he could look at her face and she did the same. "Sometimes you would leave work early and get me from school and we'd play all day. Then we'd go home and you'd make funny dinner."

"Like what?" She asked, really interested.

"Sometimes you'd make pancakes with funny faces or green macaroni and cheese. When you took me out to eat, you'd take me to fun places like McDonalds, and they had a playground inside."

"That sounds like fun." She said.

"Can we go again?" He asked.

"Sure, not today, but I promise we'll go again." Sara meant to keep that promise.

"Where does Aunt Deb take you to eat?" She asked.

"They don't really go out to eat." He said in a disappointing voice. "She says she can make better food then McDonalds. She said it's not good for me." He told her.

"Well it's not good for you to eat there all the time but once in a while won't hurt." She told him.

They lay on the ground for a while longer, talking and laughing. Sara was disappointed when she saw Dr. Cutler walk up. She knew it would be time for Lucas to leave.

"Sara, your aunt and uncle would like to talk to you in private before they have to leave." She said smiling down at them. Sara should have known, but she wasn't scared. She knew she'd have to get over her fear of them taking her away. She came to realize they couldn't do that to her, but they could take Lucas away, and that did scare her. She liked Lucas. He was a good kid. She could see herself in him. As they walked back to the manor he held her hand tightly and when they got into the manor he squeezed her hand pleading her not to let go. The doctor knelt down and explained that his mommy needed to go talk for a few minutes and asked him to wait in the sitting room. Sara knelt down, looked into his eyes and assured him she would say goodbye to him before he left. That seemed to do the trick. Lucas walked over to the couch and sat down to watch the televisions Sara took a deep breath and walked into the office where her aunt and uncle were waiting and Dr. Cutler followed.

Her aunt and uncle were sitting down. Her aunt stood up when they walked in, her uncle remained sitting. Dr. Cutler closed the door behind them.

"Hello Sara." Her aunt said.

"Hello." Sara replied with a smile. She was surprised that her aunt didn't try to hug her with the greeting.

"Your uncle and I would like to talk to you." Her aunt said.

"Yes, I know." Sara said, sitting in the chair facing her uncle. Sara's aunt sat back down. The doctor took her seat behind her desk.

Her aunt spoke first. "Your uncle and I want to know when you are coming home?" She asked.

"Well, I wanted to have this visit with Lucas to see how comfortable we were together. I didn't want to jump back into our old lives without knowing we were both comfortable. I think it went well." She said, looking at the doctor for reassurance. Dr. Cutler nodded her approval. "A little more time and I'm sure Lucas and I will be prepared to go back home." She finished, feeling confident she conveyed the confidence everyone was expecting.

"You mean to your uncle's and my home." Her aunt corrected.

Sara was confused. "I was under the impression that I lived on my own with Lucas?" She asked

"You did, but under the circumstances, we took it upon ourselves to get rid of your apartment." Her aunt explained.

Sara was in a state of shock. She couldn't believe what she just heard. It took a minute for her to be able to speak again.

"Under the circumstances?" She asked.

"Of course. How did you plan to pay for the apartment? And we couldn't very well trust you to take care of Lucas by yourself?" Her aunt said.

"Trust me to take care of my own son?" Sara shouted, standing up. "You have no right to make decisions about my life or his." She said pointing out the window at Lucas.

Her aunt's voice rose to meet Sara's, "I have every right! Who do you think has been taking care of him while you've been traipsing around this place, 'trying to find yourself'?" She asked.

"That doesn't give you the right to make decisions about how we live our lives. And if that little boy is such a burden to you maybe he shouldn't be staying with you."

"I see. Then who will take care of him? Not you, you live here and have no place to go."

"Because of you." Sara interrupted.

"Regardless, who else will take him? His father whom he barley sees? You don't even know him, not that you knew him when you got pregnant with Lucas."

This is one angry, ugly person, Sara decided.

Lucas could hear his mother and grandmother's yelling over the televisions He decided to go outside where he couldn't hear them. He hated it when adults argued. He walked out the glass doors and saw a man standing with his back to him. The man was looking over the balcony and Lucas decided to see what the man was looking at. He stood right next to the man and looking over the balcony. The man must be looking at the fountain his mom was sitting at. The man noticed Lucas standing there and looked down.

Lucas looked up at him. "Hi." He said in a small voice.

The man looked at him. "Hi." He said.

"My name is Lucas." He told the man.

"I'm Seth." He told the boy.

"Like the angel?" Lucas asked.

Seth smiled. "Yeah, like the angel, but I'm afraid I'm no angel." Seth told him.

"Are you one of my mommy's friends?" He asked.

Seth didn't know what to say. He decided to change the subject. "Aren't you supposed to be inside waiting for your mommy?" Seth asked.

"I could hear them yelling." Lucas said.

Seth nodded. He understood.

"I don't think I've ever heard my mommy yell like that before." He confessed. "And she never yelled at grandma before."

"Sometimes adults yell." Seth explained.

"Grandma always yells, at everyone." He added.

Sara shook her head. She wasn't sure what to do. She felt out of control and she didn't like it. Dr. Cutler had interrupted the argument before it got out of control. She was trying to find a common ground that everyone would be happy with but that didn't seem to be working. The last thing her aunt said was that she was ready to file for custody of Lucas. 'Over my dead body,' Sara thought to herself.

"I think the best thing to do right now is take a break and come back when we are all not so angry. A decision can be made then." Dr. Cutler suggested.

Her aunt and uncle stood up and grabbed their jackets. Sara walked out first so she could say good-bye to Lucas, but he wasn't where they left him. She walked down the steps and looked out the doors. There he was sitting and talking with Seth. She walked over to them.

"Lucas? You were supposed to wait for us inside." Sara reminded him.

"I was just playing 'what can you see?' with your friend." Lucas explained.

She smiled at Seth for taking care of her son. He smiled back at her.

"Lucas, it's time to go." She said. She could already feel her heart tighten. She didn't like the thought of him leaving with those people. But what could she do? She was backed into a corner. Lucas looked up at Seth, "Bye." He said.

"Thanks for playing with me." Seth said. Lucas smiled and waved his hand good-bye.

Lucas ran to Sara, she got down on her knee again so she could be face to face with him. She knew he could see her tears. She tried to pull herself together.

"I'm going to see you really soon. Okay?" She said trying to assure them both.

Lucas started to cry now. "Why can't we just go home?" He asked.

"I'm going to figure something out. I promise." She said. She hugged him very tight. She never wanted to let go. Finally she pulled away and looked him straight in the eyes. "I love you." She said. She was surprised to realize she really did mean it.

"I love you too, mommy." He said. Sara hugged him again. Her aunt walked up and held out Lucas's jacket.

"It's time to go, Lucas." She said.

Again Sara pulled away from him. She took the jacket from her aunt and helped Lucas put it on. Aunt Deb grabbed his hand and escorted him back into the manor. Sara just stood there, closed her eyes and cried. All of a sudden she felt a hand on her shoulder. She instantly turned toward the comforting hand and hugged the person. It was still a minute later when she realized she had been crying on Seth's shoulder. He was rubbing her back trying to comfort her. She pushed away and wiped the tears from her eyes. She looked at him for a second. Seth had never seen such pain in anyone's eyes before. He would have done anything to take the pain away. Sara looked up at him with all the hurt anyone could feel in their eyes then turned and walked away. Seth stood there. Should he go after her? He was too afraid she wouldn't let him near her. There had to be something he could do to help.

Sara spent the next few hours in her room crying. She needed to come up with something. She couldn't leave the situation the way it was. There was a knock on her door. Dr. Cutler entered without an invitation. She didn't say anything just handed her a piece of paper and walked back out. Sara looked at the paper, and it took a moment before she realized what it was. It was the name and number of Lucas's father.

Sara sat in her spot thinking about what she should do. Yesterday had started out so good, but it ended up terrible. She couldn't believe all that had taken place. How could her aunt and uncle have given her apartment away? They had no right to do that. Yes, she didn't have a job, but with the money she got she could have paid for it. Her aunt had said that the apartment was run down but she learned to take everything she said with a grain of salt. It might not have been a palace but she was sure she wouldn't have let Lucas live in a dump. Poor Lucas. When he cried, having to leave with 'those people', it broke her heart. Her aunt and uncle obviously felt it was a burden to watch him while she was recovering. That was no good. Lucas should never feel like a burden. He is a child and should be surrounded by people who only want the best for him.

She looked down at the paper then picked up the cell phone Beth had leant her. She dialed the number on the paper and listened to the ring. She wasn't sure how this conversation would go but it was worth a try.

"Hello." A man's voice answered.

"Hi." She blurted out. "Is Luke there? This is Sara. Sara..umm...Beckum." She was surprised she had remembered her name.

"Oh my God, Sara." The man sounded relieved to hear her voice. "How are you?"

"Luke?" She asked just trying to be clear.

"Yes, I'm sorry. It's me. I heard what happened. Are you okay?" He asked. This didn't sound like the stranger her aunt and uncle made him out to be. In fact, he was talking to her like they were old friends.

"Fine, how are you?" She asked politely.

"God, I'm glad you called me. I've been trying to find out where you were. Your aunt and uncle won't answer any of my calls and when I went to your apartment your landlord said your aunt and uncle took all of your stuff."

She took a deep breath then explained as much as she could. She had to hold back a couple of tears when she talked about Lucas. When she got it all out they both agreed Luke would visit her tomorrow and they would figure out what to do about Lucas.

When Sara got off the phone with Luke she felt a little of the weight fall off her shoulders. Luke seemed like a pretty good person. He definitely cared about Lucas and in Sara's book that was most important. Sara looked out at the fountain and tried to relax.

"Sara." She was startled to hear Seth's voice. She turned toward him. He was standing there looking at her concerned. She looked away. She remembered they weren't friends. She made the mistake of thinking they were once but she needed real friends not people who confused her right now.

Seth wanted to help. He heard most of the argument today too. He wasn't sure what she needed, or what he could do.

"Sara." He said again. "I'd like to help...." He stopped talking as Sara stood up and walked past him. As she passed him she looked him dead in the eye.

"Why would you help me?" She asked then walked out of her room.

Damn, Seth hated himself. He looked down ashamed of himself. Why did he think he could help, or that she would want his help? For a second he wanted to tell her that he was the one who gave her the money and with that she could get an apartment anywhere she wanted. He decided that would only make her situation worse. She needed things to become clearer not more fuzzy right now. Seth walked back to his room. If he couldn't help her directly maybe he could help indirectly, again.

The next day Seth walked up to Beth and handed her a folder. She took it from him and opened it to see what it was.

"I thought you could give this to her." He said.

Beth handed the folder back to him. "Why don't you." It was more of a statement then a question.

"You know she won't take it from me. I'm just trying to help." He explained.

Beth stood so she could look him in the eye when she spoke. She still had to look up being how tall Seth was but she wanted him to know she was serious.

"I'm not going to assist you in anymore anonymous help, where Sara is concerned." Beth said.

"But she won't take it from me." Seth explained.

"Give it to her yourself. If she takes it, she does, if she doesn't, she doesn't. But she deserves to know where it's coming from. Not duped into excepting help from somewhere she doesn't want it from, just to make you feel better." Beth added.

He knew she was right. He had never really thought of it like that. He had been making Sara take his help without her knowing it. She probably wouldn't have taken it if she knew where it came from or why, not after everything that happened.

"The question is, how bad do you want to help? Bad enough to hear her say she doesn't want anything from you?" With that Beth walked away. She didn't intend on being mean, just matter of fact.

Seth walked back to his room. He wasn't sure what to do. He wanted to help, but he didn't want her to reject him. Why couldn't Beth just give her the damn folder? That wasn't fair. He couldn't blame Beth for having morals.

Seth threw the folder on his desk and laid on his bed thinking about what he would do.

~~~~****~~~~
Chapter 13

Sara sat in her spot waiting for Luke to show up. He wasn't sure when he would be able to get out of work but he promised he would come today.

"Sara?" A man's voice said. Sara stood up and looked at the man. He was tall with a slight tan to his skin. His blonde hair was cut short but she could tell it was straight just like Lucas'. He was muscular, not like a body builder, more like he enjoyed exerting himself physically. This was Luke! Sara thought instantly. Lucas looked just like him. He may have had her eyes but his face was this mans. She smiled and walked over to hug him, glad to see someone who could and would help her. A friendly face. Someone from her past that she trusted.

Luke was surprised by the hug. The old Sara never seemed to show any affection for anyone but Lucas. It was like she was always saving every bit just for him. He hugged her back enjoying this new form of affection from her.

She offered him a seat next to her and he sat down.

"Wow," Luke said looking around, "this is a great place, I can't believe Deb and Mike are willing to pay for it." He said, referring to her aunt and uncle.

Sara laughed, "They aren't. It's being paid for by the settlement." Sara explained.

Luke nodded his head. He should have known better to think Sara's aunt and uncle would want the best for her, or be willing to do it, which is exactly why he was here in the first place.

Luke looked Sara up and down. "You look good." He said. He meant it. She looked comfortable. Not stressed.

"Thanks. I would say the same about you but I really don't remember, so I would be lying." They both laughed at the little bit of truth.

They sat outside talking for a few hours. Luke tried to explain as much as he could. How they met, how Lucas came about. He told her about their lives. That they saw each other frequently, something her aunt and uncle didn't know and wouldn't be happy about. He tried to express how much he cared for Lucas and her. Sara could tell. He was even able to tell her a few of her fears and private thoughts she had shared with him. How she wanted to go back to school but how her aunt and uncle made her feel guilty about relying on anyone, even Luke, to help with Lucas. Sara knew Luke was a good person. The feelings he conveyed when he talked about Lucas, told her more than years of seeing them together.

Beth was pleased to see Sara and Luke getting along so well. She had prayed all night that Luke would be as a good hearted person that she knew Sara would get involved with. For the last hour they had been looking over her photo albums and Luke was explaining all the pictures. In most situations Luke had been present when the pictures were taken or knew what the pictures were of. They were having a good time laughing and talking.

Beth walked out the glass doors to clean up any mess she could find. When she got out there she saw Seth sitting on the balcony looking into the manor at the couple laughing and talking. Beth could tell it was killing him. To see Sara with another man, having shared so many memories, having shared a son. This man was the key Sara was looking for to unlock her past. Seth had tried to buy her a new one but it would never be as good as what this man could do for her. Beth sat down next to Seth and looked at them too.

"This is good for her you know." As if she could read his mind.

Seth said nothing.

Beth looked at Seth, she could see the pain and anger in his eyes. "She deserves to know her past even if she doesn't remember it. And Luke is part of that. He's the reason she has the beautiful little boy." Beth said.

Seth looked down in shame. He had been doing that a lot lately. He knew she was right. He just hated that this guy could give her something he couldn't. He had all the money anyone could ask for but he couldn't give her a glimpse into her past like Luke could. Beth rubbed his back then walked back inside.

Sara sat there laughing so hard she was afraid her face was going to break. It hurt from laughing for so long. Luke was able to explain almost every picture she had. But right now they were making fun of all of Sara's old outfits.

Luke pointed to one picture "You look like a bag lady." Luke said laughing. Sara laughed at the comparison. Sara pushed him playfully. "Why didn't you tell me I looked like that?" She asked.

"I don't know, I just thought you had really bad taste." He teased.

They laughed again. Sara pointed to another picture. "What's this?" She asked.

Luke looked at the picture and got a little more serious. He smiled at the picture remembering it well.

"That was your birthday." He said. "Lucas had just been born and I wanted to take you out, to, you know, give you a break."

Sara smiled at the picture and then looked up at Luke. He was still looking at the picture like he saw something she didn't. He looked up at her and was very serious now. "And, it was the day I asked you to marry me." He said, not taking his eyes from hers. Sara realized now why he was looking at the picture like that. It was a memory they were supposed to share together. A memory she had thought was so important that she put the picture in her photo album, and now Luke was the only one with that memory. Sara reached out and touched his arm, giving him a little reassuring smile that it was okay. Then she began to wonder, "Luke, did I say no?" She asked.

"Yes." He said with a half smile. "I kind of knew you would, but I wanted to do the right thing."

"Did you love me?" She asked.

"I love you now." He said. "I love the way you are with Lucas. I love that he loves you as much as he does. You guys have always been best friends." He looked down at one of the pictures of Lucas. "I wish I had that with him." he admitted.

"You can't have what we have but you can have something better." She waited for him to look up at her. "You can have your own relationship with him. That will mean more to him." She hoped that what she said made him feel better and she could tell from his face it did. They both leaned in for a hug. Sara knew she already cared for Luke.

Seth couldn't take it anymore. He couldn't stand to see her laugh and smile and now holding this guy. He quickly walked into the manor hoping she wouldn't see him.

Sara held onto Luke tight, and then turned her head just in time to see Seth walking in. He glimpsed in her direction just long enough for Sara to see his eyes, and what he was thinking. Seth quickly turned down the hall and away from her. She took a deep breath and tried to get her thoughts together.

They released each other and Luke looked at his clock. "I didn't realize what time it was. I still have to drive back to the city, but I'll be back tomorrow around the same time. I'm not going to work tomorrow so if you need me or if you change your mind..."

Sara grabbed his hand, "Will you change yours?" She asked. She already knew his answer. She just wanted him to know her mind was already made up.

He looked her dead in the eyes, "No." He assured her.

"Okay then, I'll make sure he's here." Luke grabbed his jacket and helped Sara take all her stuff back to her room. Then she walked him to the door. They gave each other another hug good-bye. Before he walked out she said, "Thank you, Luke. This means a lot to me.... that I can rely on you." Luke took a deep breath and grabbed her hand.

"I know how hard this is for you. You've never been able to rely on anyone; and to be able to trust me after one visit means more to me than you can imagine. You just take your time and get all your stuff in order. And when you finally find a place, Lucas will be waiting to come live with you again. I would never take him away from you." Sara instantly leaned in and kissed him on the cheek.

"Thank you." She whispered into his ear. And with that he left.

Sara turned around and wiped the tears from her eyes. She took a deep breath. It had been a long day, but it went better than she could have expected. She looked in the direction of Seth's room. He did care about her, and for some reason he was pushing her away, she thought about heading in that direction. Then decided she had too much excitement for one day and it could wait for another time.

Sara's aunt and uncle weren't happy when she called to tell them they needed to bring Lucas to the manor with his belongings so Luke could continue taking care of him. At first they came up with excuses as to why they couldn't bring him today like it was too short of notice. Sara was prepared. She suggested that she send a car to pick him up. Finally they gave in and agreed to have him there on time. And to Sara's surprise they come early. She Saw them pull up and met them outside. They didn't bother being social, they just dropped him and his stuff off. It didn't bother Sara in the least. She looked at it more as a gift to have some more time to spend with Lucas before Luke came.

They shared a private lunch on the balcony and talked and laughed till Luke showed up. When Luke walked through the door Lucas stood up and ran to him. Luke picked him up and swung him around in a huge hug. He was just as excited to see him. Luke asked if they could hang out for a while before he left again using the long ride as an excuse. Sara was pleased. They sat down and played a board game. To no one's surprise, Lucas won. It felt good to Sara. She imagined them having a family night in the future.

Before too long it was time for them to leave. Sara picked Lucas up and carried him to the car. She wanted to hold onto him as long as she could. She didn't know how long it was going to take her to find a place, but she talked to Luke about finding one near where he lived. He was more than pleased to hear that. He even suggested a few that might be available. Sara kissed and hugged Lucas for a good five minutes before putting him in the car.

"I love you Lucas." She said before shutting the door.

"I love you too, Mommy." He replied. Sara shut the door and turned to give her good-byes to Luke.

Luke rubbed her arm. "He'll be fine." He assured her.

Sara wiped the tears from her eyes. "I know. It's just that...I love to hear him call me Mommy."

Luke hugged her and kissed her good-bye. He got in the car and Sara watched them drive away.

Sara walked back inside and turned the corner to her room. She was looking down or she would have noticed she was about to walk into someone. Strong hands grabbed her before they collided. She looked up and saw Seth. She wasn't prepared or in the mood to talk to him right now. Before she could excuse herself he handed her a folder.

She took it and looked up and him questioningly.

"It's all the apartments in the city that are available. There's even a map so you know where they are and some information about the school districts." Seth explained.

Sara was speechless. How did he know?

"I overheard the other day. Sorry." He just stood there waiting for her reaction. She just stood there holding the folder. She finally looked up at Seth. He could see she wasn't mad and instantly was relieved. There was nothing she could say. So she did what her instincts told her to do. She stood on her tippy toes, reached her hand to his face and kissed him. Not on the cheek, on the mouth. It didn't last long but it was long enough to remember those soft lips on hers. She smiled and without saying a word walked to her room and shut the door. Seth stood there for a minute then walked to the other hall where his room was. Then he smiled with the thought that she kissed Luke on the cheek and him on the lips.

~~~~****~~~~
Chapter 14

Dr. Cutler sat at her desk with the phone up to her ear, looking out the window at Sara.

"Yes, I understand what you're saying."

"Will she ever get her memory back?" He asked again in a much harsher voice.

"If I say yes, will you force it on her? If I say no, will you forget about her?"

Dr. Cutler let the silence and the questions soak in before she finished.

"My suggestion is to try to love her for whom she is now. She's still your niece."

The next day Sara was kept busy calling apartments to see if they were still available, checking on prices and faxing applications. By the time dinner time came around she had one apartment and one condo that had accepted her and now all she had to do was make the decision. She decided she would sleep on it. They were both equally close to Luke and in the same school district, but neither one would be available for another week at least. She decided that was fine. That would give Luke time to spend with Lucas.

She still hadn't seen Seth, and she wasn't sure what she would say to him when she did. She had a lot to thank him for. Even with his twisted feelings for her he went out of his way to help her. This made her realize he cared for her more then she thought.

Sara looked down at her watch and realized it was time for her meeting with Dr. Cutler. She hurried to the doctor's office. Sara knocked on the door then entered.

Sara sat as usual in the big chair facing the doctor waiting for Dr. Cutler to start.

"You've been spending a lot of time with Seth." Said Dr. Cutler. It wasn't a question more like a statement.

Sara grinned and looked around the room at nothing. "He's the closest to my age." She stated back.

"Is that the only reason?" the doctor asked.

Sara thought about that for a second. "No, I guess not." Doctor Cutler waited for Sara to say more.

Sara took a deep breath then looked the doctor in the eyes. "I guess..." she started then stalled and blushed. "I guess I like him. I don't know, it's all new to me." She explained.

"You don't know him Sara." The doctor said in the most serious voice Sara ever heard the doctor use.

Sara smiled at the doctor, "Isn't that the point in getting to know him?"

"I just don't want you to get hurt." Dr. Cutler said.

Sara laughed, "I can't imagine how he'd hurt me."

~~~~****~~~~
Chapter 15

Sara lay in her bed, she couldn't sleep. She would have liked to blame it on the excitement of her new home and new life with her son but she didn't like being fooled, least of all by herself. She decided that taking a walk would help clear her mind and the moon seemed to be bright tonight.

She grabbed her cigarettes and put her robe on. She walked out the side door intending on walking around to the balcony. She walked around, going nowhere in particular. She stared up at the moon and all the stars. It was so peaceful. For a moment she was able to imagine herself all alone in the world. She lay down on the ground and watched the moon. She wished she could just pull her bed out here and sleep under the moon. After a while she was beginning to feel the chill of the night air. She decided to go back to the manor. She stood up and walked back.

Sara walked to the balcony and sat on the ledge. She turned slightly so she could see the fountain. She loved that she could hear the water splashing from here. She closed her eyes and listened to the sound of the water. When she opened her eyes she could see something moving in the darkness. As it got closer she could make out the figure of a man. Who else would be up at this time of night? The lights were all off in the manor but the lights outside were still on. As the man got closer it became clearer to Sara that she knew who it was. Seth had an unmistakable physique. He obviously saw her from far away because as he got closer she could see he was looking straight at her. He walked slowly up the stairs never taking his eyes off her. He rounded the corner and walked right up to her. He stood so close she had to spread her leg to make room for him. Then he grabbed her neck, not hard but securely and kissed her. It wasn't like the first kiss. This one was full of need. He plunged his tongue into her mouth and she allowed him instant access. He moved her head from side to side, not satisfied, wanting more and more. Sara could feel her heartbeat increase. She didn't want to think about what came next, she would let him do whatever he wanted to her. His other hand came up to her breast and squeezed gently, just as hungry as his mouth. As he kneaded her breast she gave out a moan. It felt so good. Seth lowered his mouth kissing her cheek then his kisses got lower. He was kissing her neck, with one hand still on her breast, his other behind her holding her steady. Sara thought that if he let go she would fall, but she trusted he wouldn't let her go. He lifted his hand from her chest and placed it on her shoulder. Sara gave a little moan of disappointment. He placed his other hand on her shoulder to steady her. Once he was sure she could hold herself up he pulled her robe off. He slipped it off one shoulder and kissed her. Then the other shoulder and he kissed that shoulder. Sara moaned again not being about to help it. Then he grabbed the straps of her top and pulled them down until her bare breasts were showing. He lifted his head up to look her in the eyes. He lifted one hand then the other to her breasts. His hands felt so good on her. Then he wrapped one arm around her back and leaned down and licked her neck. He licked lower and lower until he had reached her nipple. It was now erect from the stimulation. He kissed all around it then slowly took it into his mouth. Sara couldn't believe the feelings pumping through her veins. Everything he did pleased her. He licked and sucked until she thought she would scream from pleasure. Just when she didn't think she could take anymore he released her. She was disappointed to think it was over but then he took her other breast into his mouth. She tried to help him keep herself steady but her arms felt like rubber. All she could do was enjoy what he was doing to her. He lifted his head again and kissed her more ferociously then before. It seemed his hunger for her was no more out of control than before. Then she felt his hand trickle down her body until it reached her thigh. He rubbed there for a moment. Then his hand went up the middle of her leg until he reached the end. He began to rub there. Sara couldn't believe the heat rising in her. He rubbed slow and then fast. It seemed like he knew the pace to keep her from losing her mind. She could feel her pants getting wet. She didn't care. She didn't want him to stop. His kiss became softer, and he pulled his hand away. He placed his hands on the side of her face now just kissing her softly. Then he gently pulled away. He looked her in the eyes but didn't say anything. She looked at him silently, willing him not to stop. As if he could read her mind he kissed her one more time, and then lifted her off the ledge. He grabbed her hand and pulled her after him. Sara knew where they were headed. They walked down the hall to his room and he opened the door. He pulled her in and shut it behind them. There were no lights on, but the curtains were open and the light of the moon lit the entire room. He grabbed her again and kissed her. Then he walked her backwards. When they reached the bed he slowly lowered her down. Before meeting her, he pulled off his shirt. She took that as the perfect opportunity to take her robe and shirt off. He met her in the bed and continued kissing her and searching her body with his hand. He gently turned her over and kissed and licked her back until she was moaning. He turned her onto her back and slowly pulled her pants off. She laid there naked on his bed and he just looked at her in the moon light taking in every curve, every inch of her body. Then he lowered his head to her breast and again he kissed and licked until she couldn't take it anymore. Then he kissed lower and lower until he reached the end of her pelvic. He lingered for a second then with his fingers parted her and kissed her down there too. She couldn't believe the feeling could get better. She was wrong. He licked and kissed until she was twisting around from the agony of it all. Then he slipped one finger into her and she moaned with satisfaction. He kissed and rubbed until she thought she might pass out. Again, just as she thought she would explode, he pulled his finger out and stood up. He pulled his pants off and rejoined her in bed. He was lying between her legs and Sara could feel his hard shaft on her belly. He looked down at her giving her the chance to change her mind. Sara could tell what he was waiting for. She pulled his head down and kissed him. He didn't need any more of an invitation than that. He positioned himself more comfortable between her and slowly slid inside of her. She grabbed a hold of his arms trying to stop herself from squirming. She was still tight for someone who had a child. When he was fully inside her he waited a moment for her to become relaxed. He was looking into her eyes for any sign of pain or regret. When he was sure none would come he pulled out slowly then back in. Sara closed her eyes. She never could have imagined such a feeling. Seth repeated the motion over and over. Sara could feel herself get wetter with every thrust. She leaned up to kiss his chest and then licked it. He tasted salty from the sweat. He smelled wonderful. She wanted to remember this forever. He was being so careful, so gentle; she knew he was restraining himself for her benefit. He looked down into her eyes and thrust a little harder. She closed her eyes and moaned with pleasure encouraging him on. He didn't need anything more. He braced his arms and thrust a little harder and a little harder with every thrust. Soon they were both panting from the excitement. Sara moaned even louder now. Seth couldn't control himself any longer. A couple more thrusts and Sara's body want into convulsions. Seth quickly kissed her and came himself.

After a moment he was able to pull himself up and look dawn at Sara. She was breathing just as hard as he was. Sweat glistened all over her body. Afraid he has crushing her he pulled himself off. She moaned in protest. He wrapped the blanket around her and his arms. He held onto her tight. They were facing each other. Sara could barely keep her eyes open. She was exhausted. Seth just looked at her. She looked so peaceful. She could feel him looking at her and pried her eyes open to see if she was right. She looked him in the eyes and smiled then her eyes fell shut. Seth kissed her one last time before falling asleep with her in his arms.

Sara woke up still laying in Seth's arms. She stared at him for a moment thinking of what they had shared last night. They hadn't said one word but their feelings were expressed in volumes. She decided she needed to go back to her room before everyone woke up. She looked around to find her clothes. They were all over the room. She gently wiggled out of the bed not to disturb Seth. He looked too peaceful. She slipped out of his bed and got dressed. Her hair was a mess but as long as no one saw her it didn't matter. She quietly opened the door and slipped out, and just as quietly closed the door behind her. She tip-toed down the hall and as she walked past the sitting area she saw the doctor in her office. She was sitting behind her desk looking at her pondering her thoughts. She didn't motion for Sara or move in any way. She just looked at Sara. Sara looked down ashamed of getting caught. Then lifted her head and walked proudly to her room. She had nothing to be ashamed of and she wouldn't pretend to be just because someone didn't approve of what she did. She walked into her room and lay on her bed. She pulled the covers up to her shoulders and wished it was still Seth not the blanked around her.

~~~~****~~~~
Chapter 16

Seth sat in the fitness room doing leg crunches. Bobby, his therapist stood next to him writing in his folder. Seth was surprised to wake up and find Sara gone. But then decided she probably left early so no one would find her leaving his room. Seth threw himself into his workout today. It was helping him keep his mind off of Sara. The more he thought about her or the taste of her or her warm skin rubbing on his...there he went again. He needed to wiggle in his seat to make it bearable. Dr. Cutler walked in, looked around, and then headed straight for them. She looked at Seth and then to Bobby.

"How's he doing?" She asked.

Bobby and Seth were both surprised to see her there. She never really came in. Her work always seemed to be in her office.

Bobby looked down at Seth proudly. "Best student I ever had."

"That's saying a lot considering most of your 'students' are children." Seth joked.

"Good." The doctor said, handing Bobby a paper. Bobby read it and then looked up confused.

"Please sign it." She said matter-of-factly.

"He's not quite ready to finish his daily routine. He's doing hard work but he needs to rebuild up the muscle in his leg." Bobby explained.

"I'm sure he can do that from home, even hire someone to come into his home. There is no real reason to keep him here." The doctor said. She waited for another excuse or for Bobby to hand the paper back signed. Bobby looked down at Seth then at Dr. Cutler. He signed it then handed it to the doctor.

Dr, Cutler looked down at the paper to make sure it was singed then turned to Seth. "Congratulations. You've just been released." She said, then turned and walked away.

Seth looked at Bobby confused. Bobby just shrugged not knowing what to tell him. Seth got up quickly, favoring his leg and ran after the doctor.

He caught up to her in the hallway. "Hey, wait a second."

She turned around to face him looking like he was already wasting her time. She said nothing.

"What's going on?" He asked.

"Mr. Williams," she said using his formal name, "I would think that such a busy man as yourself would be glad to hear he would be going home sooner than he thought."

"That's all fine. I'm just wondering why you decided I needed to leave now?"

She tilted her head at him. They both knew the answer to that question. "No one in this facility has the time to spend with a millionaire who is capable of doing exercises at home, furthermore, this is a place to help people who need it, not for horny millionaires who give away large sums of money to their victims and then sleep with them."

Seth was shocked to hear her say she knew Sara and he had slept together, but he was more surprised to her portray her theories on his action. No matter what he thought, her allegations seemed to be right. He needed to leave.

"I took the liberty of calling a car for you. They should be here in two hours. That should give you plenty of time to pack if you don't get sidetracked."

If she was trying to be subtle, it wasn't working. She didn't want him to say good-bye to Sara. And she wasn't giving him much time to think about it either. How could he just leave without saying good-bye? It would break her heart. She would assume that it was because of her, that he was ignoring her again. It would be the epitome of anything he had ever done. She would hate him forever. He looked at the doctor, she was thinking the same thing and that's exactly what she wanted.

Seth just stood there. Before he got the chance to speak his mind she said, "I'm the doctor. I think I know what's best for my patients." She tried to make it sound as heartfelt as possible, but he still wasn't happy with the thought of leaving like this.

No, he wouldn't do it. "Where's Sara?" It was a question, but it came out more like demand.

"She went on a last minute trip with the kids. They won't return for some time." She said, hoping that would shut him up. Dr. Cutler waited for him to respond and when he didn't she smiled and walked away.

Sara carried Nick into the manor. A nurse who saw them enter ran up and took the boy from Sara. "Poor, guy." She said wiping the sweet from his brow. "He got sick so we cut our trip short. I think he just had too much cotton candy, he'll be ok." She explained. The nurse carried the boy to his room. Sara helped the kids get settled down. She helped them start an art project to take their minds off the disappointment of having to leave the zoo early.

She walked outside to see if she could find Seth on the balcony. He wasn't there. She realized he was probably still in his rehab session with Bobby. So she decided to finish helping the kids with their project, she could wait to see him after he was done. When she walked back inside she saw Bobby helping one of the kids glue glitter onto her paper. She walked up to him.

"Hey Bobby. Where's Seth?" She asked.

"He's probably still packing." He said over his shoulder.

Sara was confused, "Packing what?" She asked.

"His things, he's going home."

Sara just stood there trying to comprehend what Bobby had just said. She turned to head for his room. As she turned the corner she looked up and there was Dr. Cutler staring at her with a not so pleasant look on her face. Sara walked down the hall and stood in the doorway of Seth's room. The door was opened and she could see all of his things were packed. One last bag lay on his bed opened. Seth walked out of his bathroom and put the last of his items in the bag and zipped it up. He grabbed the bad and turned to leave the room, then, saw her standing there. Sara had her arms wrapped around her trying to keep the sadness away. She didn't say anything just waited for his excuse. Seth took a deep breath then put his bag down. He slowly walked up to her and put his arms around her. Sara loved the feel of him. It felt the most secure to her in his arms. But she wouldn't stop being mad until she got an answer from him. When she wouldn't hug him back he pulled away but kept his hands on her shoulders.

"I have to go." Was all he said.

"Why?" She wanted to know.

"It's just time that I go. I can finish my rehab from home where I can get some work done." It was the only excuse he could come up with.

"Why didn't you tell me sooner?"

"I've been asking the doctor to release me for some time." He lied. "She just informed me today that I could go." He felt bad about lying to her but it was the only way to keep from telling her why the doctor would want him to leave. Sara started to cry. He pulled her into his arms again. This time she wrapped her arms around him. She never wanted to let go. She held on tight.

"I'm not saying good-bye to you. You can say it to me if you want to, but this isn't good-bye for me." She sobbed.

"It's not good-bye for me either." He whispered.

He had to pull himself away. Sara was reluctant to let go but did. Seth started to say something but she quickly put her finger to his mouth to stop him. She closed her eyes and leaned her forehead to him.

"Don't" She said. She didn't know what he was going to say, but she didn't want to hear it. She didn't want to hear good-bye or a promise. She just wanted him close one last time. Seth steadied her on her feet, picked up his bag, walked around her and down the hallway. Millions of thoughts were going through Sara's mind. She couldn't keep track of them all. Then one stuck, she may never kiss him again. She turned around and ran after him. He had already made it down the hall and she wondered if she could reach him before he left. She turned the corner and he was just getting to the door.

"Seth!" She yelled, stopping him from walking out. He turned around just as she ran into his arms. Their mouths met with a hunger and need that couldn't be expressed in words. He grabbed her face and pulled her away just long enough to get one look then smashed his lips to hers once more. After the need and hunger were under control he gently pulled her away giving her one last kiss. She opened her eyes and she could read everything he wanted to say. Again he picked up his bag and walked out the door, gone for good this time. She turned around to see everyone looking at her. She wiped the tears from her eyes just for them to be replaced with new ones. The nurses looked stunned. The children snickered at each other over the scene. Sara looked in the direction of Dr. Cutler but she had just walked into her office and shut the door. Sara wrapped her arms back around herself and walked to her room. She closed the door behind her and lay down on her bed. She turned her head to look out the window and saw the flowers in her room. She sat up then walked over to the table by the window. There were three pink flowers someone had picked and put into a tall glass. Leaning on the glass was an envelope with her name on it. She picked it up and opened it. It looked empty at first glance than she saw a small piece of paper. She pulled it out and read it. It was Seth's business card. She turned it over

"If you ever need anything...." was all he wrote, along with his phone number.

Sara smiled and held it close to her heart then sat in the chair and stared at her flowers.

~~~~****~~~~
Chapter 17

Sara had given herself a couple of days to get over Seth leaving. Actually it was the talk she had with Beth that really helped. Sara sat in her spot pouting. Seth had left the day before and Sara knew it had something to do with Dr. Cutler catching her leaving Seth's room. She decided not to go to therapy that day.

Beth walked out and looked relieved to find her. "There you are. I've been looking for you all over." She said. "You know it's your time with Dr. Cutler, she's been waiting for you."

"I'm not going today." Sara said matter of factly.

Beth knew she would be taking it hard, Seth leaving, but she had hoped Sara would be a little less childish about it. Beth sat down it the chair next to Sara. "You know you've had every opportunity while you've been here. You have a library of books to read, and you have read just about everyone. You've had the chance to grow into whoever you want. You've had time to contemplate your future and the freedom to do whatever you want. But you're squandering it away."

Sara looked at her shocked. What?

"This isn't the real world within these walls. It's out there with your son and your family, whether you want them or not, that's real. Did you think you were going to live here forever? The friendships you've made here were special, but everyone has to go their own way. Just like the kids who go home every day. Their place is with their families, yes they're sad to leave but they are going home to their real lives. Now it's time for you to make a decision and move on. Sitting here wishing Seth was here won't help you move on. It will only hurt your chances of having that life that all of us have helped you build. And you're wasting that." That was all she said then she left Sara to make her decision.

Beth was right. Sara needed to make some decisions and she needed to make them now. She realized how frozen in time she was at the manor. It was the only home she knew and she realized it was fear of moving on that was keeping her to make that decision. She wanted to be with Lucas and have a life with him but she wasn't sure how she would do it. Maybe her aunt and uncle were right, that she wasn't fit to be his mother. But she made a decision then to at least try. She would call the apartment tomorrow and she and Lucas would move in as soon as possible.

Sara got her first real taste of the real life the next day. The apartment she had decided on had already been leased out. She didn't realize how fast her decisions needed to be made and now she needed to make a new one. All of the apartments were either leased or not in the location she wanted. Sara decided to change her plans. She wasn't sure if it was the right decision but she needed things to change before she got too comfortable or scared.

Sara sat looking at the phone for a minute then took a deep breath, picked up the receiver and dialed the number. She half hoped no one would answer, and then she could blame this on fate. But someone did.

"Hello." Her aunt said

"Hi." Sara's voice sounded a little shaky and she hoped her aunt wouldn't notice.

"Sara?"

"Yeah. Hi."

"Hello." Her aunt said again. Sara could hear the confusion in her voice.

"Um, I was wondering if I could talk to you about something? Is this a good time?"

The phone was silent for a second "Sure, this a good time." Aunt Deb said.

"Well here's the thing. I've been doing a lot of thinking lately and as you know I've been looking for a new apartment. I can't quite find one that is available in the right area." She paused to see if her mother was still listening.

"Okay." Her aunt said, still confused.

"Well, I was just wondering if it would be possible if I could maybe," Sara took a deep breath, "stay with you till I find one. New patients keep coming to the manor and I don't want to be a bother to them. I don't want to be a bother to you either if you think this isn't a good idea. I was just wondering. It doesn't matter either way. I can figure something else out if it doesn't work for you. That is, if the timing is wrong, or whatever." Sara spoke so quickly she wasn't sure of everything she had just said. Her aunt still hadn't responded to her yet and she was beginning to think she hung up. Sara couldn't blame her if she had. They barely spoke and when they did it was always an argument. How could she expect these people to take her into their home after she turned her back on them? Now Sara was really regretting making this phone call.

But before she could retract what she had said, her aunt started to speak again.

"That would be fine. When would you like to come?" Aunt Deb asked.

Sara was in shock. She hadn't made it that far in the inner conversation.

"Wwwhenever is convenient for you." Sara stuttered.

"Just give me a call and let me know when you would like us to pick you up and we'll come."

"Okay." Now Sara was confused. And she wasn't sure but she could hear something in her aunt's voice, something she had never heard from her before. Kindness, she thought.

"Thanks." Sara said.

"Talk to you soon." Her aunt said.

"Bye."

"Good-bye Sara." Sara heard the other line hang up and put the phone back on the base. She looked at the phone and wondered if that conversation really took place. She never imagined it going so well. But she felt oddly relieved.

Just then Kay walked into her room. She didn't look like her cheerful self today. In fact, lately, she wasn't acting like herself at all.

"Hey, sweety." Sara said, reaching her arms out to her. Kay crawled on to her bed and cuddled up with Sara. Sara lay there holding the girl running her hand through her hair.

"I don't want you to go." Kay finally admitted.

Sara smiled into the girls head. "I have to go, Honey." Sara explained, "I have to take care of my son. But I'm going to miss you so much."

She waited for Kay to look up at her. "And when you get home you can come visit me." That made Kay smile.

"You have to promise to come and see me if your memory comes back. I need a good ending to my movie." Kay urged.

"I promise." Sara said then kissed the girls head and held her a little more. Sara would miss her too. She reminded her of the kind of mother she wanted to be.

~~~~****~~~~
Chapter 18

Sara sat on the edge of her bed in her family's house looking at the walls, giving them one last good-bye glance. For the past month that she stayed with her aunt and uncle, she was able to learn so much about her life as a child. The walls spoke volumes. She was one of those children that decorated her walls with interesting newspaper clippings, pictures cut out of magazines, even a few posters. What amazed her wasn't what was on the walls but the fact that they were still there. They hadn't changed anything. They didn't take the opportunity when she moved out to change it into an office or some kind of guest suite. They left every picture and every trinket she had. She also had the chance to get to know her aunt and uncle and was able to understand them better. They weren't the tyrants she thought them to be. Aunt Deb, who could look angry, was actually very caring. It seemed every decision she made or wanted Sara to make came from her wanting the best for Sara. Even if she didn't always go about it the best way, it all came from the right place.

Even though she knew it would be hard to leave, Sara found an apartment for her and Lucas. It took some time but her aunt and uncle had helped her and said she could stay as long as she needed. Sara knew they didn't want her to leave. It seemed that they finally accepted the new Sara she had become. And even though she wasn't the same person with the same morals or standards they had raised, they still loved her.

It was moving day and the moving truck would be arriving at her new apartment in less than two hours. Lucas would be arriving tomorrow. Sara hoped that would be enough time to get most of their stuff settled in and looking comfortable enough to start their new life.

There was a knock on the door and then Sara's aunt peeked her head in.

"Hey, are you ready? We should get going so we can get there before the movers arrive." She said.

Sara looked at her aunt and gave her a small smile.

Her aunt walked over to the bed and sat down next to her.

"What's on your mind?" She asked.

"I was just thinking how much I enjoyed staying here. Thank you for everything you've done for me." Sara said.

Her aunt took a slow breath. "I've enjoyed it too. I'm glad we've found a common ground. I hope things will be different now. Before it was like you tried to keep your and Lucas's life at bay from us. I hope that won't be the case anymore. You're uncle and I have had to dig out of our routine to come to terms with all that has happened in the last few months. But I want you to walk out of this house with your head held high knowing that we believe in you and think you are making the right choice. If you ever need us we'll be here to help, no strings attached."

Sara hugged her aunt harder then she probably ever had before. They both took turns wiping their tears from their eyes and enjoying a small laugh at the sight of themselves. They stood up, Sara looked around the room on last time, and then they left.

They got to the new apartment earlier then they had planned but it worked out. Sara still had to sign the final papers, get the keys and the landlord took her on a small tour so she knew where everything was.

It was a beautiful apartment. Two bedrooms with two full baths, one was connected to her room. The other was for Lucas and guests. Her room was the biggest of the two, plenty of room for the new king size bed that would be delivered today, as well as the rest of the matching furniture her aunt help her pick out. She even had a small walk-in closet.

Lucas's room was smaller but still a good size. He would be getting all new furniture as well. He was there the day they went shopping. Sara thought it would be nice for him to pick out his own things. He enjoyed it more then she thought he would. The living room would hold their new sofa, loveseat and matching furniture. Their dining room would have a new table, chairs and buffet. Sara thought the buffet was kind of going overboard but her aunt got so caught up in the shopping experience she couldn't say no.

Yes, it was a beautiful apartment, a little more than Sara wanted to pay, but it had one thing that the others didn't. It allowed pets. Sara had decided that tomorrow before she brought Lucas home, they would stop and find themselves a new pet.

The movers arrived on time as well as all her new furniture. Her aunt helped instruct where everything would go. Sara was glad that they had hired movers to move all her stuff in. She wasn't sure how she and her aunt and uncle would have done it all. Within a few short hours, all the furniture was moved in and they were unpacking all her things. By dinner time they were done with most of it and she told her aunt and uncle to go home and get some rest.

"Thank you for helping me." She said as they were walking out.

Her aunt turned and gave her a hug and her uncle kissed her on the cheek. They said their good-byes and left. Sara closed the door and looked around her new home. She was pleased with all that they got done today but was more pleased with the new life she had before her. She wasn't afraid of what the future held. She was just glad she had one to pursue.

~~~~****~~~~
Chapter 19

Sara spent the rest of the night unpacking the remaining boxes. Only a few were left unpacked, and they would be put in storage. After unpacking she decided to clean. Nothing really looked dirty but she decided it was the best thing to do knowing that Lucas would be coming tomorrow. She wanted everything to be perfect for his arrival. She scrubbed the bathrooms, the kitchen and mopped all the floors. By the time the cleaning was done to her satisfaction, she was exhausted. She took a quick shower and put on her favorite pajamas, the ones she always wore at the manor. She crawled into her bed and stared off into space thinking of everything and nothing. The bed was comfortable but she decided it was too big. There was no reason for her to have that much room all to herself. But the sheets were so warm and comfortable she didn't realize when she had finally fallen asleep.

The next morning she woke up early. She had been making herself get out of bed early lately so that when Lucas was home she wouldn't be used to sleeping in. She decided to take a long shower this morning to help her relax. Ever since she realized this would be the day she would be bringing Lucas home, she felt the butterflies in her stomach. The shower helped a little bit but she decided not to eat much for breakfast just in case. She wasn't sure if she had a weak stomach but thought it would be better if Lucas didn't remember the first day with his mother was her puking. As she finished getting dressed she heard the phone ring. She grabbed the one next to her bed her uncle had insisted she needed.

"Hello." She said.

"Hey Sara, its Luke."

"Hey." She could feel the butterflies again.

"I hope it's not too early to call."

"Not at all."

"Good. I told Lucas you might still be sleeping but he insisted that I call you right away." Sara's face lit up just by the mention of her son's name.

"He just wanted to know when you would be coming?"

"Whenever is good for you. I have everything ready for him, his bed, clothes, and room."

"I'm sure you do. You've always been good at that kind of stuff." Sara wasn't sure what Luke meant by that but she was sure that was a compliment.

"Well, he's ready too. So if you want to come now I'm sure it won't be a problem. Did you get the directions I e-mailed you?" Luke asked.

"Yes, it said it would take five minutes to get there so give me fifteen, if that's okay?"

"That's fine. We'll see you then. Bye."

"Bye." Sara said, and then hung up the phone.

She knew it wouldn't take her that long, but she didn't want Lucas to be disappointed if she ran into traffic.

She ran through the house grabbed her purse, keys and the paper she got last night and ran out the door.

Sara walked through the parking lot to her new SUV. Her uncle helped her pick it out. When he asked her what she wanted in a new car all she said was something safe. He made all the other decisions. She wasn't sure why she needed four wheel drive but she liked the fact that it came with a DVD player in the back for Lucas. Her uncle even bought and installed the child car seat for Lucas.

She got in and started the engine. Her uncle even helped her get her license again. He took her out a few times on some back roads to make sure she had the driving thing down. It wasn't difficult. It seemed like she remembered most of the rules, or it could have been the fact the she read the drivers guide about fifty times that helped. She pulled the directions with the handy map out and set it down on the passenger's seat. She didn't think she would need it, she practically had it memorized.

She was right. It didn't take her the full fifteen minutes to get there. It took more like ten, even with some traffic. She hopped out of the SUV and looked at the house. It didn't look familiar but she knew she had been there before many times. She took a deep breath then started for the door. Before she got there it flew open and Lucas came running out and right for her. She didn't think that anyone could be as instantly as happy as she was right then, seeing her son run into her arms, but the look on his face made her second guess herself. She picked him up and instantly kissed him all over his cheeks. She held him tight but not as tight as he held her. They stood there laughing and kissing for a long time. It wasn't until she heard Luke's voice that she remembered that he was there too.

"Glad you made it okay. It wasn't too hard for you to find, then?" Luke asked smiling at them.

"Not hard at all. In fact it's a lot closer then it looks on the map."

"Yeah, I was surprised to hear you picked The Park to move into."

"Why is that?" She asked.

"I just thought you would pick something closer to your aunt and uncle."

"I picked it so Lucas would be closer to you." She admitted.

Luke smiled.

Sara was still holding Lucas. She looked down at him and gave him one last kiss before setting him down. She got down on one knee so she would be eye level with him.

"I have a surprise for you." She told him.

"I know. I get to come live with you." He said.

Sara laughed. "Yes, but that isn't the surprise I was talking about." She said.

Lucas's face lit up at the thought of there being another surprise.

"What is it?" He asked excitedly.

"Well there's one more reason I picked The Park to live. Not only is it close to where daddy lives, but they allow pets. So if you want, I was thinking that we could get one."

Lucas started jumping up and down.

"What kind of pet?" He asked.

"Whatever kind you want." She told him.

"Even a dog?" He asked.

"If that's what you want." She said.

"Can we get a dog? Can we?" Lucas pleaded, still jumping up and down.

Sara stood up and patted him on the head. "If that's what you want then that's what we'll get." She told him.

"Daddy," Lucas said pulling on Luke's pants to make sure he had his attention, "Did you hear that? We're going to get a dog." He told him as if he didn't hear it for himself.

"Yes, that will be great. You've always wanted one haven't you?" He said looking down at him with a smile. "Why don't you go get your bear and I'll put your things in the car?"

Lucas ran back in the house and Luke picked up the suitcase and walked with Sara to the SUV.

Luke put it in the back and turned to Sara. "So, what made you decide to do this?" He asked.

"I don't know. He had mentioned it a couple of times, not about wanting one, but about seeing one or someone having one. I just figured it would make the transition better for him."

Luke smiled politely "You know, you don't have to try that hard with him. He loves you no matter what."

Sara got a little defensive. "I know. It's not really like that. I just thought it would be fun. A new pet for our new place." She explained.

"Yeah." Luke said, putting his head down. He knew he had hit a sore spot with her and didn't know what to say.

Lucas came running up to them. "I'm ready." He said out of breath. "Can we go get it now?" He asked.

"Well I was thinking that we would go have some lunch and look in the paper to see what there is. I even brought my laptop so if we don't know what the breed looks like we can look it up."

"That's a great idea." He said. He kissed Luke good-bye and jumped into the back seat.

Luke opened the car door for Sara and she smiled and got in.

Luke lowered his voice so Lucas couldn't hear what he was saying. "You know, I didn't mean anything by that, before."

"I know." Sara responded, trying not to look like it hurt.

"I guess I'm just a little worried." Sara looked down ashamed. She really thought she could do this and she fooled herself into thinking everyone thought she could too.

"That's not what I mean." Luke said as if he could read her mind. "All I mean is that, even if you're not the same person you were before, even if you guys have some trouble falling into a routine, Lucas will always love you. I don't think you could do anything to screw this up. I just hope you come to believe that too."

Sara looked up at Luke and smiled a real smile. She was glad he did believe in her. She just hoped that it was true. That Lucas and she could fall back into their old lives like nothing happened. She also knew that was impossible because if she couldn't remember their old life there was no way for her to fall back into it. She would do her best to make this new one better.

Luke smiled at Sara and shut the door. "Have fun." He called to Lucas from the open window, "Bye." He said to Sara.

Sara and Lucas sat in the restaurant looking at the free ads. There were a lot of choices but they were able to narrow it down to distance when she broke out the computer.

"Well I was thinking that we should get a smaller dog. A big dog won't have too much room in the apartment." She said to Lucas.

"I like small dogs. The Millers have a little dog called Rocky." Lucas informed her.

"Okay. Well, let's see. There is a Shi Tzu about three miles away and there are Lhasa Apsos about five miles away."

"What do they look like?" Lucas asked.

"I don't know." Sara admitted with a laugh. "It just says small dogs. Here we'll look it up."

She pulled up two pictures, one of each dog. They looked about the same to her but one had a little bit bigger nose.

"I like that one." Lucas said, pointing to the picture of the Lhasa Apso.

Sara looked back at the paper. "It says that their puppies are tan and white. How does that sound to you?" she asked.

"That's fine with me." Lucas said, taking a drink of his milkshake.

"Okay, then let's go get ourselves a puppy."

Sara paid the bill and took one last look at the map. They got in the SUV and were on their way. When they arrived at the address, she pulled into what looked like an old farm house. It didn't look like these people were farmers but they had lots of animals. Two dogs ran up to the car to welcome them. They were very large dogs that Sara didn't recognize from the picture. When they got up to the house a curious cat rubbed up against her leg and gave a quick meow greeting. Sara knocked on the door and waited holding Lucas's hand. A man opened the door.

"Hello," He said in a friendly voice.

"Hi, I'm Sara and this is my son Lucas. We saw in the paper that you have some puppies." Sara explained.

"Yes." The man said in happy tone. He opened the door for them. "Come in and I'll show them to you."

He walked them to a back room were a mother dog was lying with her four little puppies. They looked so small, the size of baby kittens.

"There they are. She had five. The neighbor boy already took one. There are two females and two males. Have a look see." He offered them.

Sara and Lucas walked very slowly up to the dogs. The mother lifted her head and Sara gently held out her hand for her to sniff. She sniffed, gave it a quick lick and laid her head back down.

Lucas was very gentle with the puppies. He held out his hand just like Sara had to the mother. He then gently pet one of the puppies. He moved to the next, then the next, until he had given them all a little attention.

"Well, do you see any that you would like to take home?" She asked him.

Lucas sat there for a moment, "I'm not sure. It's too hard to pick, they are all so cute." He complained.

Just then one of the puppies crawled up to him and tried climbing into his lap, but the puppy was so little he couldn't make it. Lucas gently lifted the puppy into his arms. He looked up at Sara with a huge smile.

"I guess you don't have to decide after all. He's made the decision for you." Sara gently petted the puppy in her son's arms then stood up to talk to the man.

"I think we'd like to take this one, if it's okay." She said.

"Sure thing." The man said.

Sara paid the man for the dog then asked a couple of questions. It turned out that even though the puppy was small it was potty trained already and the man wrote down the brand of puppy food they had been feeding it so she could find some at the pet store.

When it was time to go the puppy had fallen asleep in Lucas's arms. Sara gently picked Lucas up, trying not to wake the sleeping dog, got him in his seat and put his seatbelt on.

They first went to the pet store and got puppy food, bowls, a collar, a leash, a bed and a couple of toys. When they got home the puppy was still asleep. When they got out of the car he woke up. They put him down on the grass so he could go to the bathroom before going inside. The puppy took care of his business and they were ready to go in.

Sara opened the door to the apartment and let Lucas walked in first. He walked in slowly looking at his new home. Sara put his bag and the puppy supplies down, and then shut the door after her.

"Do you want me to show you around a little?" She asked.

"Sure." Lucas said. He didn't look nervous, which she took as a good sign.

She walked him into the apartment explaining the obvious: the kitchen, the bathroom, her room and his room. Then she showed him where towels were, where she put his toothbrush and toothpaste. He seemed to love his room and his new bed. She had hoped he would like the decorations. Luckily, Luke had told her he was really into Star Wars and she was able to find full bedding and pictures for his wall. She even found a Yoda and put it on his bed.

"There is even a little back yard, so it will be easy to let the puppy out to use the bathroom." She said, opening the sliding glass door. "It's not fenced in though so we'll have to keep an eye on him." she explained.

"That's okay. I'll never let him out of my sight." He told her, giving the puppy a hug. The puppy licked his face as if he knew what he said.

Sara closed the door and turned to Lucas. "So what do you think?" She was nervous that he wouldn't like it and if this was going to be their new home, his first impression was the most important.

"It's bigger than our old apartment. I like it." He told her.

Sara inwardly took a deep breath. She would like to think the hard part was over but this was just the start, but a good start.

The rest of the day they spent hanging out playing with their new puppy. Sara asked Lucas what he was going to name the puppy but he said he never named a pet before and asked her for help.

"Well, I don't think I ever have either." She told him.

"Yes you did." He told her. "You used to have a cat when you were my age."

"Really?' She asked, with a smile.

"What did I name the cat?" She asked.

"Her name was Fluffy, because she had fluffy white hair." He explained to her. "You loved her very much. She was your first friend. You used to dress her up like a baby with your dolls clothes."

Sara became very sad. A mother was supposed to teach her child things and tell them stories not the other way around. She felt sorry for Lucas to have to tell his mother about her own life. She wanted to be like the parents in her books who told the same story so many time that the child got sick of listening to them.

She looked at Lucas on the floor with his puppy. He didn't look sad or worried. He looked happy. But how long would that last? How long could she hold this together? It was the first day and she was already having doubts. Not the best timing she thought.

Lucas yawned and Sara looked over at the clock. Ten o'clock it read. The day had flown by after lunch and dinner.

"I think it's time for bed. Your father told me that your bedtime is at nine, so we're late getting you to bed." She said, standing up.

"Why don't you go put your pajamas on?" She said. "Do you remember where I put them?" She asked.

"No problem." He yelled from his room.

Sara went to her room and put her pajamas on too. She walked back out to remind Lucas to brush his teeth but he was already in the bathroom doing that. She went to his room and pulled down his covers. Lucas walked in and jumped into bed.

"Will you read to me?" He asked.

"Of course I will. What book do you want me to read?" She asked.

Lucas thought long and hard then crawled out of bad and grabbed something from under his bed. He plopped a big book on top and got back into bed. Sara picked up the book and read the cover.

"Your father didn't tell me you were reading this one." She said

"Well, he and I weren't. You were reading it to me." He explained. Then he looked down and spoke very quietly. "You were reading this to me before your accident. I just didn't want you to miss anything so I didn't ask him to read it."

Sara could feel her chest tighten and eyes sting. She tried to pull the sadness away so she could talk to her son without crying.

"I would love to read this with you. Where did we leave off?"

Lucas pointed to the book. "The bent page." He explained.

Lucas moved over to make room for Sara in his bed. It was easy now that he had a bigger bed. Before she could lie down to get comfortable, the puppy whimpered in protest of being left alone. She picked him up and laid him on Lucas. Lucas rubbed the puppies head and he lay down. Sara lay down next to Lucas and began to read the story. She didn't quite understand too much of the story but they weren't too far into it that she wouldn't be able to catch up if she started reading it from the beginning after Lucas went to sleep. After a few pages Sara could hear Lucas's breathing get deeper. She looked over and saw he had fallen asleep. She closed the book and gently pulled Lucas into the middle of the bed without waking him. Then she pulled the covers under his neck and kissed him good night. The puppy was already sleeping so she left him with Lucas.

Sara grabbed the book then walked out the room closing the door very quietly behind her. She plopped down on the couch and turned to the first page of the book and began to read. It seemed to be a good book; a lot of mythical creatures, fairies, elves, half human half animals, scary beasts and an evil witch.

Sara became engrossed with the book and had to pull herself away when she heard the puppy whining on the other side of the door. She let him out then put him back in bed with Lucas.

The next few days went by great. Lucas and Sara had a lot of fun together. They went to the park, played with the puppy and just got to know each other again. School was about to start and Sara's aunt helped her register Lucas.

Luke called and asked if Lucas could spend the night with him considering school would start in a week.

Luke came to pick him up later that day.

"You going to be okay here by yourself?" He asked her.

"Yes," She said. "I'm going to relax."

"No one deserves it more." He said. He gave her a kiss on the cheek. Sara leaned down, gave Lucas a hug and kiss and wished them fun.

Sara did exactly what she said. She did nothing all day. She watched televisions until that became boring. Then she sat outside for a while reading a book. Later in the evening she started to watch a movie Beth had recommended to her. When the movie was over she decided to go to bed early. But the puppy was sitting by the back door whining. She walked to the sliding door, opened it and walked out with the puppy. The puppy immediately started sniffing around for a good place to relieve himself. Sara walked closer to the puppy so she could catch him if he ran for it but far enough away that he could do his thing without her bothering him. He walked further and further around in a big circle then found the right spot. He did his thing then tried to cover it up by throwing grass on top. She picked him up and began to walk back to the house. Just then she saw something. No, not something, but someone. They were sitting too close to the wall and out of the light that she couldn't see their face. It must be her neighbor sitting outside. Nothing to worry about except she was bothered she couldn't see his face. She continued to walk back to her apartment. Just then the stranger stood up slowly and walked into the light and stared at her. She glimpsed in his direction just to make sure she didn't have anything to worry about, and then froze when she recognized his face.

"Hi." He said.

"Seth?" She asked. She couldn't believe her eyes. Seth was standing there looking at her in her backyard. She wanted to pinch herself to make sure she wasn't dreaming. They were both silent for a moment, then Seth smiled.

"I don't think you want to go in there. The Steven's don't like uninvited guests." He said.

She looked into the glass and didn't recognize any of the furniture. She turned around trying to figure out where her apartment was.

"I think you're two doors down." He said.

Sara looked up at him questioningly. She couldn't figure out what was going on, why was he there? Did he live there? There was no way she picked the same apartment Seth lived in. What were the odds?

Seth walked towards her. "I'll escort you back home." He said. Then he gently pulled her arm in the right direction. Sara still didn't say anything. She still couldn't believe this was happening, and was afraid to wake up if it wasn't.

Seth led her to her door then opened it up and helped her inside. She turned around to look at him. He just stood there smiling at her. She didn't smile back just looked shocked.

"Nice place. I'm glad they found someone to move in. The Parkinson's across the breezeway have a son about Lucas's age. That will be nice for him."

Sara still didn't speak. A million questions were running through her head though. How did he know she lived there? Why didn't he come to see her? Had he been thinking of her as much as she thought of him? Did he miss her? Were they still friends? Could they still be friends after the last night they saw each other?

Seth smiled again and looked down for a second. As if he could hear her thoughts he looked back up and said. "I'll come back tomorrow to see you. Maybe we can talk." He lifted his hand and rubbed the puppy and then lifted his hand to Sara's face. He rubbed his fingers across her cheek then pulled away.

"Good night Sara." He said, then closed the glass door and walked away. Sara just watched him walk away until he was gone into the darkness. She stood there for a long while then forced herself away from the glass. She turned off the lights then walked to her bedroom. She laid the puppy down on her bed then got in the other side. She laid in the dark trying to believe what just happened. She wasn't sure if it really happened then decided to go to sleep hoping to see Seth again in her dreams.

Sara awoke late in the morning. She felt tired even after sleeping a whole twelve hours. Her brain was still in the foggy morning stage. She sat up quickly. She remembered what happened last night. She knew it was real. It didn't feel like a dream anymore. It felt real. She got out of bed automatically and started pacing the room. Why hadn't she said anything last night? What was her problem? She walked into the bathroom and turned on the shower.

Could he really not have known she lived there? No. He had to have known. It wasn't a huge complex, and he was only two doors down. She had seen all of her neighbors at least once, except him. She had just assumed that that apartment was vacant. So if he knew she was living there why hadn't he come over? Was he ashamed of having sex with her, or that the doctor had found out and made him leave the manor? No. He was a grown man, why would he care about any of that? Was he the kind of guy to have sex with someone then never talk to them again? If he was, then of course he wouldn't come over, he would try to avoid her at all costs. If he was trying to avoid her then why did he come to her last night? He could have walked away the second he saw her and she never would have known he was there.

Sara was so preoccupied with all the questions that she realized she had taken a shower, gotten dressed and was now about to eat a bowl of Lucas's marshmallow cereal. She stared down at the bowl and became angry, not that she now had to force herself to eat the cereal so it wouldn't go to waste, but because she had no answers. There were tons of questions and all she wanted to do when she saw Seth again was run into his arms.

Sara slammed her hands on the table and stood up. She walked out her door and headed down the side walk to Seth's apartment. Anger flooded her mind. She didn't have a speech prepared for when he answered the door but she figured whatever came out of her mouth he deserved. She walked up to the door and pounded hard three times. No answer. She pounded again. Now she was even angrier that he was making her wait and she hurt her hand. Just as she went to hit the door again it opened.

There he stood, wet. A towel clumsily pulled around his waist and a toothbrush hanging from his mouth. But what surprised her most was the amount of foamy toothpaste circling his lips. He looked like a little boy in a man's body. Something snapped in her. It wasn't her anger, it was something more pleasant. She burst into laughter, not at him, but at herself. She didn't remember ever being mad and the thought of her being mad at him with toothpaste all over his face made her laugh even more. Seth just looked at her in surprise. When she realized he didn't know what was going on she tried to stop laughing, but that made her laugh even more. Now Seth was frustrated. He grabbed her arm firmly, not hurting her, and pulled her into his apartment and into kitchen. Sara laughed uncontrollably the whole way. He sat her down in a chair and held up a finger to her to let her know he would be back. The look in his eyes said for her not to move. He marched off to what Sara assumed was the bathroom and shut the door. She sat at the table getting herself under control. She took a couple of deep breaths. A couple of laughs escaped before she was sure her laughing fit was over and she could conduct herself like a lady. She looked around the kitchen. Seth either kept it immaculately clean or he never used it. She was sure that it was the latter. The little bit she knew of him was that he was a workaholic; most of the time she saw him at the manor he was either looking over files or talking on his phone to clients or his office. She peered into the living room and saw the pictures hanging on the wall. Without thinking she walked to them. They were all black and white prints. Three of them hung on the wall next to each other. They were of all different places but there was something about them that felt the same. The one to the right was of a lake, and the reflection of the forest on the opposite side looked like a mirror image of the forest. The one on the left was of a dirt road that lead to an old farm home in the distance. The only thing in the foreground was an old tree and a mail box. The middle one was looking down a cliff at a half frozen lake. Rocks and boulders edged the foreground. Sara instantly wanted to travel to each of these places. She wondered if they truly existed. But there seemed to be something sad about them at the same time. There was no wild life in the pictures; no deer drinking out of the lakes, no dog or horse on the farm, no life. Before she could think about it much longer she heard Seth clear his throat. She turned quickly around. He was completely dressed and his hair was dry. She turned back to the pictures and wondered how long she had been staring at them. Then she looked back at Seth. He wasn't mad but she couldn't read his face. Sara hated that. Why was his the one she could never read? She felt very nervous all of a sudden, like she needed to explain her little outburst earlier.

"I'm really sorry about that." She said, motioning toward the door. "I don't know what came over me." She looked down not wanting him to see her face.

"Really?" Was all he said.

Sara looked up at him. What was she ashamed of actually? I know exactly what came over me.

Seth leaned against the wall waiting for her explanation. "I was mad at you." She said.

Seth lifted his eyebrows in amusement. He was sure he didn't do anything in the last twelve hours for her to be mad at him.

"I thought you knew that I had moved in and decided that you didn't want to see me due to the fact that you are a womanizer." She paused to see his reaction. There wasn't one of course.

"And the only reason you said you would come over was because I surprised you last night." She continued. His face still didn't change.

"So I came over here and pounded on your door angry. I was going to confront you. But when I saw you in your towel, I realized how funny it all was. Then when I realized it was the first time I remember being mad I couldn't stop laughing." She looked at him for any sign he understood. Seth pushed away from the wall and walked towards her. She wasn't sure why but her first instinct was to back up but she ignored it and let him close the distance.

He never took his eyes off her as he walked closer. "I am not a womanizer." He said.

"I did know you had moved in and I did not come over for a reason, but the reason is not what you had in mind. I knew you were moving in with your son and I wanted to give you time to settle in with him. If I had known he wasn't there last night I would have come over." Sara could feel her heart racing. She was listening to everything he was saying, but all she could think about was what he would do when he reached her. She knew what she wanted. She wanted him to grab her and kiss her. She wanted to feel his mouth on hers, the feel of his warm tongue. The minty taste of his freshly brushed teeth. The muscles under his shirt. She wanted to feel his hair once more. And when he stopped right in front of her and didn't touch her she could feel the pain and yearning in her stomach. Her heart was racing and she felt like she had just ran a marathon but her body was screaming to move. Why wouldn't he touch her? What was he waiting for? She looked at him for a second then did the one thing her instincts told her not to do. She grabbed his face and pulled him down to her and covered his mouth with hers. Apparently that was all he needed because he pulled her so tight to him that she thought he would crush her with his arms. He let go just to move his hands over her body. All over her body. It was like he was feeling her for the first time, like he wanted to know every inch of her all over again. She did the same. She felt his silky hair, his muscular biceps, and his back. All she thought was 'too many clothes, too many clothes'. She started to unbutton his shirt then pulled it open. There it was, his warm skin. She pulled away from his lips to taste his flesh. She kissed then licked slowly. A soft moan escaped his lips then he gently pulled her away. He picked her up in his arms and carried her down the hall and into his room and shut the door.

Later in the day Sara and Seth lay in each other's arms, just like the first time. Sara stared at the white ceiling feeling nothing but happy. She sighed and looked up at Seth. He looked down at her with a smile then kissed her on the forehead.

"I have to go." She said. "Luke will be bringing Lucas back soon." She knew what she wanted to ask him, but it seemed a little too soon to be requiring about when she would see him again. Seth looked in her eyes and could tell what she was thinking. He took a deep breath then let it out.

"If it's alright with you, I was thinking of dropping by later." He said.

Sara rolled onto her stomach so she could see Seth's face completely. Her smile said it all. "Really?" She asked.

"Yeah." He said, and then kissed her.

Sara didn't leave for another hour but she thought it was worth it.

Sara stood over the kitchen sink washing some dishes she had let pile up while Lucas was gone when there was a knock at the door.

"Come in," she yelled over her shoulder as she grabbed a towel to dry her hands. Lucas ran in the house searching for her. When he spotted her he ran to her and gave her a great big hug.

"Mommy, you'll never guess where daddy took me?" He said.

"Where?" She asked.

"He took me to the zoo, and not the one with the goat. He took me to the one..." and his voice got very serious, "with the tigers." He whispered.

"Wow. Were they big?" She asked.

"Yeah." He said seriously.

"Were they scary?" She asked.

"I wasn't scared. There was this boy and he wouldn't let go of his daddy's hand but I did. I walked right up to the glass and I touched it." He told her. "And then do you know what happened?" He asked.

"What?" She asked, trying to meet his excitement.

"The tiger came right up to the glass and tried to lick my hand."

"Wow." She said, truly enjoying his story. "And you still weren't scared?" She asked.

"No way." He admitted.

"You are very brave." She said, and then gave him a hug. Just then the puppy walked into the room and ran up to Lucas and started jumping up for attention. Lucas sat on the floor to show the puppy his new stuffed tiger.

Sara looked up at Luke and smiled at him.

"It sounds like you guys had a great time together." She said.

"Yeah, it's nice to have him for some alone time. Not that you're not welcome to come next time. I'd hate to think you're just sitting here waiting for him to come back." Luke said

Sara laughed. "I was not just sitting here waiting by the door." She blushed slightly at the thought of what she really was doing. "You can have him as much as you want, he loves spending time with you."

"Really, because I was going to ask you if you wouldn't mind him spending the night tomorrow?" He asked. "I don't have to work until Tuesday and was going to go visit my parents. I wanted to take him with me if you didn't mind. They haven't seen him much."

"I think that's a great idea." She said.

"Really, I wasn't even sure I would ask, you never really..." Luke broke off before he finished.

Sara got very serious. "I never what?" She asked him gently.

"It wasn't you, really. I just... I always felt guilty taking him for any amount of time. I felt like I was taking away the only person you had. You're best friend." Luke said quietly.

Sara felt the tears stinging behind her eyes. She looked down at Lucas playing with his new toy and his puppy then looked back up at Luke. So many feelings welled up in her. She felt guilty for making Luke feeling guilty for her. She felt sorrow for Lucas having a mother with no one else in her life and she felt pity for her former self, for not having anyone else but her son.

She pushed her feelings aside, "You don't have to worry about that anymore." She gently squeezed Luke's hand. "I'm stronger now." She whispered. Luke smiled at her and gave a little squeeze back to let her know he knew she was right.

Luke gave Lucas a big hug and kiss good-bye and told him he'd be back tomorrow to pick him up for anther overnight stay. Lucas was very excited. He went off to start packing his bag. Sara and Luke stared after him and laughed. Luke said good-bye and Sara went into Lucas's room to help him pack.

After packing what Lucas thought were his best clothes they sat on the couch to veg out before dinner. Sara became very aware that the little boy was indeed obsessed with Star Wars. It was the third time they had watched Return of the Jedi since moving in. Sara didn't mind, she was beginning to understand the story now and was ready to admit she liked Sci-Fi movies just as much as her son.

Half way through the movie Sara decided to ask him a question. "Lucas?" She said, to get his attention.

"Yeah?" He said, not taking his eyes off the TV.

"Do you mind if I have a friend over?" She asked.

"Like Aunty Beth?" Lucas asked, still watching his movie.

Sara smiled, she was glad that Lucas liked Beth enough to call her 'Auntie'.

"No." She said. "Like a new fiend. A friend from the hospital." She said.

"Okay." He said.

"It's a man. Is that okay?" She asked.

"Sure, but, can we still watch Star Wars?" He asked.

Sara laughed then gave him a kiss on the head. "Of course!"

"Okay," was all he said, then snuggled up to her and continued watching the movie.

A little while later, there was a knock at the door. Sara got up to answer it. When she opened the door there was Seth holding pizza boxes.

"Anyone order pizza here?" He asked.

Sara smiled and opened the door wider for Seth to come in.

Lucas popped his head over the back of the couch to see who it was. His face lit up.

"It's the angel." He laughed, and then turned back around to finish watching his movie.

Sara looked at Seth questioningly.

Seth just smiled at her then began go set the pizzas out on the counter.

Sara made a plate for Lucas and allowed him to eat it at the coffee table so he could finish his movie. Seth and Sara sat at the couch.

"So, what's this movie about?" Seth asked with a smile.

"Lucas immediately turned around. "You've never seen Star Wars?" He asked in disbelief.

Seth shook his head. "I think I would have remembered that guy." He said pointing to Darth Vador.

"Ok, so, that's the bad guy." Lucas started. Seth sat there acting very interested in the story line and even asked some questions about each of the characters.

"What do you mean that's his sister?" Seth teased. "He just kissed her."

Lucas laughed. "Yeah, I know. But he doesn't know that yet. That's in the next movie." He explained.

"There's more?" Seth asked.

"Yeah, if it's not too late we can watch that one too." Lucas offered.

"We'll see." Sara said with a smile.

But before the movie was over Lucas was curled up in Sara's arms sleeping. Seth helped her get him in bed.

"I'd ask you to stay but that might be weird for Lucas to wake up and you still be here." Sara explained.

Seth kissed Sara on the lips and told her to come over anytime tomorrow. Then went home to bed himself.

Sara lay in her bed with a big smile. Things seemed pretty good. Lucas was okay with Seth and Seth was willing to spend time with her and her son. Things seemed to be as good as they could get.

They just got better. Then next day after Luke picked up Lucas, Sara spent the rest of the day in Seth's arms. He made her feel alive and sexy.

When Lucas came back, they did things together; watched movies, played at the park, and played board games, which seemed to be the favorite right now. When Seth and Sara had time together it was like magic she thought. They talked about the people from the manor. Sara told Seth how much she missed Beth. She talked to her frequently on the phone but it wasn't the same. She wanted to really spend some time with her. Seth talked more about his family, what it was like growing up with his grandparents as guardians. And how much he appreciated what they did for him. He told her the little bit he could remember of his parents.

"My mother was beautiful." Seth told Sara. "My grandmother kept a picture of her by her bed. I could tell she missed her very much. Sometimes I would see her just holding it and crying. She must have been very special." He confessed.

Sara wrapped her arms around Seth and cradled him. Cradled the boy he was.

Luke and Sara also came to an arrangement in regards to spending time with Lucas. Sara had him during the week and Luke had him on weekends. It really seemed to be working out for everyone.

~~~~****~~~~
Chapter 20

Sara took Seth's key out and unlocked the door. She walked into the kitchen and put all the grocery bags on the counter. She had decided to surprise him with a romantic dinner. It would be her first try at this kind of thing but she was confident she was a good cook and could make something to spark the kind of mood they needed. She had been trying to find a way to tell Seth how she felt about him but could never come up with the right words. Every time she tried he seemed to get that look in his eyes and find a reason to pull away from her. This would be the night. She would make him hear her. She needed to say the words. He didn't have to say them back but he needed to know where her feelings were taking her and the future she wanted to have with him.

She started taking the food out and putting them in the refrigerator. Then she heard the mail fall from the opening in the door to the ground. After putting all of the food away and finding all her utensils, she walked to the door and grabbed the mail. She looked around trying to find where Seth put his mail. He didn't have a basket sitting out like she did. Seth was more organized than that. So, what did he do with his mail? His office? She walked down the hall and into the room on the right. Seth used his spare room as an office. It was Sara's first time in the room. It was organized just like every aspect of Seth's life, unlike Sara's. She never felt the need to be this clean. Even with Lucas around making small messes she never kept everything tidy. She liked her house looking like they lived there, not like a show room. She smiled as she set the mail on the tidy desk and before turning around she looked at the first envelope. It was from Stein, Stein and Stein, the same firm that had sent Michael to her at the manor to sign the papers from the accident. That seemed weird. Seth worked for a different firm that only did court cases. She remembered Seth telling her. And they only did settlements. She turned around and walked out.

An hour later she found herself in the doorway to the office biting her nails. She had tried not to think about the letter while starting dinner and setting the table but she couldn't. She kept trying to think of a good reason that Seth would be getting a letter from the same firm. She stared at the desk, at the letter. It wasn't her business. It wasn't her mail. She had no right to open that letter. But she didn't have to open it did she? She could look to see if there were other letters from the same firm that were already open. She walked over to the desk and opened the first drawer. Pencils, pens, paperclips, and staples. She opened the drawer to the right. Blank paper, paper with his firm's letter head, and a couple of utility bills. She thought of how stupid she was being. She opened the bottom drawer. It was the largest drawer because it was for hanging files. They all had names on the them but none she recognized. She really was being stupid. Then she noticed the last file had no name. She picked it up and opened it. She began to read the first paper. Her legs had become too weak to hold her up and she fell into the chair behind her. She just sat there staring at the words on the paper and her name.

Seth opened the door to his condo and immediately smelled food cooking. He closed the door and walked into the kitchen. There was food on the counter and what smelled like Italian coming from the oven. He smiled thinking that Sara made him dinner. But his smile vanished when he turned into the dining room and saw Sara sitting there. She wasn't smiling. Her face was sad and her eyes were red and puffy from crying. He put his briefcase down and walked toward her, concerned. The table was already set, the wine was poured and the candles were lit. As he got closer he could see papers that were on the table in front of her. As he got closer, he recognized what they were.

Sara watched him come closer, never taking her eyes off him. She watched his face change from concern to horror as he realized what she had been looking at. Seth looked into her eyes and didn't know what to say. Tears streamed down her face.

"Tell me it's not true." She whispered. "Tell me I don't know what I'm looking at. Tell me it's a mistake. Tell me something." She pleaded.

Seth got down on his knees so she didn't have to look up at him. He placed his hands on both sides of her face. He kissed her lightly on the lips and she let him. He pulled away and could see she was crying harder now and her eyes were closed tight. He had been thinking about this moment for so long. What he would say? What her reaction would be? The one thing he still didn't have were the words. He never could figure out the right words. He said the only thing he could think of.

"I'm sorry!" He said.

Sara hit his hands away from her face and stood up so fast she knocked the chair over. She walked to the other side of the room to get as far away from him as she could get.

"No!" She yelled. "That's not what I asked."

"What do you want me to say?" Seth asked.

"I want to hear you say it. I want to know why you never told me?" She yelled.

"I don't know. I tried. I really did, many times. But I could never get the words out and then things happened between us. I never meant to hurt you." He explained.

"Bullshit!" She yelled. "You were afraid. You couldn't imagine that anyone know that 'Perfect Seth' did something wrong." She accused. She knew she was being cruel but she also knew she didn't care right now.

He started walking toward her slowly as if she were a wild animal that would spook easy. "I should have told you. I just couldn't imagine you hating me like this. I'm sorry that I hurt you. It's something I have had to live with everyday. I wish I could make it all go away. I wish I could go back to that night and not be on that road, not hit your car. If I could make it all better I would. But I can't. I did the only thing I could."

Sara shook her head at that. "The only thing? You could have told me. Why didn't you tell me?" She pleaded. Her whole body hurt. She never had felt this way. It took everything to keep her on her feet and not fall to the ground.

"I didn't know how to tell you."

"Were you ever going to tell me?"

"Yes."

"When?"

When Seth didn't say anything, Sara turned and started walking toward the door. Seth ran after and grabbed her from behind. He wrapped his arms around her body. He held on tight so she couldn't leave. He couldn't see her face but he talked quietly into her ear.

"Please don't go." Seth started. Sara could hear the pain in his voice as he talked. "I couldn't tell you after everything that's happened. I thought I could give you the money and you could go your way and I could go mine. I would never have to deal with it again. I could pretend it didn't happen.... I saw you arguing with your family in the hospital and knew I had to help. I made the arrangements for you to go to the manor. I didn't think it would be an issue being in the same place as you, but you kept wanting to talk to me and you wanted to be my friend. That's why I kept ignoring you. I didn't want to deal with it anymore than I had to. But every time something happened to you, I couldn't help myself. I wanted to help and then I wanted to be your friend. And that night at the manor, I wanted to make love to you. Dr. Cutler saw you leave my room and asked me to leave. I knew she was right. I couldn't stop myself when it came to you. That's why I did everything I did. That is why I didn't tell you. I didn't want to hurt you. And now..... it's because I love you...... I love you. I'm sorry I hurt you. I'm sorry for all the pain. I wish I could take it all away. I wish I could make it up to you. I'll try. I'll try every day, for the rest of our lives..... I love you, please don't go."

The last thing he said very slow and very sincere. He wanted her to know he meant it.

Sara was still in his arms. She listened to everything he had to say. He never let go and she didn't struggle to be let go. But, it didn't matter. He lied to her. Maybe not outright, but it felt the same. He shouldn't have let things go this far. He had a responsibility to stop thing before they got to this point when he was the only one that knew the truth.

She understood now, why he was always giving her the cold shoulder at the manor. She always thought there was something wrong with her, but now that she knew the truth she was even angrier. There wasn't anything wrong with her. He was just trying to push her away so he didn't have to deal with his guilt face to face.

He wasn't the only one to blame. She had been the one pushing for a friendship. Why was she so determined to be near him? Looking back, anyone else would have gotten the hint, but not her. It was as if God was playing a cruel joke on her. 'You can be happy but it will come at this price.' The price of loving the one that has taking it all away from you. She basically brought this on herself. He repeatedly told her he didn't want to be friends, but she kept pursuing him. Why didn't she get the hint? But if he had just told her from the beginning none of this would have happened.

Sara could feel her heart breaking at that very moment. All she cared about was about to be gone forever. How would she move on from this? She had no choice. She thought of Lucas and how he deserved a mother who could be strong enough to do what needed to be done. She took a deep breath and pushed her pain aside. Tears slid down her face, she was glad he couldn't see them.

"I. HATE. YOU!" She said it very slow and very sincere so he would know she meant it.

Seth was crushed by her words; he loosened his arms and let her go. Without looking back at him she grabbed her purse and walked out the door leaving Seth standing in the middle of the kitchen by himself. He watched her go, knowing there was nothing he could say to make her turn around and come back.

~~~~****~~~~
Chapter 21

Sara sat on her window sill looking out at the cruel world. She took a long pull of her cigarette then threw in into the almost full can outside her window. Her eyes were red and puffy. The dark circles would tell anyone that she hadn't slept in days. Luke had taken Lucas on an extended visit while she was 'recovering'.

When he arrived to get him, he knew something was wrong from their conversation on the phone. He was nervous walking into the house. It felt different. It had always felt warm and inviting. Now it felt cold and sad, even with all the windows open to let in fresh air. Sara walked out of Lucas' room with his bag already packed. She handed Luke the bag without looking him in the eyes. Luke looked at Sara. He didn't need to know what happened. Anyone could feel the pain in her face. This was the price for being a naturally happy person; you had farther to fall then the rest. And when you finally landed it would take longer to heal. Luke took one step closing the distance between them and pulled Sara into his arms.

Sara had been holding it together for the sake of Lucas, but to know that her pain was so obvious broke her the last bit. She began to sob into his shirt. Luke didn't say anything, just held her and rubbed her back the same way she rubbed Lucas' when he had a bad dream. Luke was trying but it wasn't working. Sara wiped her eyes then pulled away. She stared at Luke knowing she couldn't say anything. If she opened her mouth all that would escape would be sobs. Luke took pity on her.

"Lucas, it's time to go." He said.

Lucas jumped off the couch completely ignorant to what had just happened. He hugged Sara and gave her a kiss on the cheek, then took his father's hand and walked out. Sara closed the door behind them. She turned around to the empty house and couldn't believe she was alone. All she wanted to do was call Luke and tell him to bring her son back. Lucas was the only one she truly had. Even making up with her aunt and uncle didn't bring her resolute. She was alone. And she hated it, but she wouldn't let Lucas be around her like this. She would take a couple days, get her shit together, and then move on as if nothing ever happened.

She didn't like being alone but she didn't want Lucas to see her this way. She was supposed to be stronger than this. She had survived a car accident and struggled with putting her life together. Why was this so hard? She felt empty and alone. She wasn't hungry or tired but had no energy to do anything.

There was a knock at the door but Sara ignored it. The door opened and Sara didn't even turn to see who walked into her house. She didn't care. She heard noises coming from the kitchen but never took her eyes off the world. Someone gently lifted her hand and placed something in it. She looked down at the glass of wine then looked up at Beth's face. She took a sip of the wine and turned back to looking out the window. Beth sat next to her. Neither one said anything. There was nothing to say. Nothing that would change things. Nothing to take away the pain.

The sun had set and the chill of the night air was starting to affect Sara. She walked into her room leaving Beth still looking out the window. Sara put her pajamas on and then crawled into bed and started to sob. Beth walked in and slid on the bed and wrapped her arms around Sara. Beth hugging her, not saying a word.

"I hate him." Sara cried. The pain in her voice was enough to make Beth wince.

"No you don't." Beth whispered.

Sara jumped out of the bed and turned to Beth. She was very angry. "Yes I do. He took everything from me. Everything. My brain, my memories, my son." She yelled.

Beth took a deep breath to keep calm. Someone had to and Sara wasn't going to like what she was about to say.

"No, he didn't." Beth said calmly.

Sara's eyes widened. "How can you say that? How can you take his side? He took my son from me!" Sara yelled again.

"No he didn't." Beth said more firmly. "He didn't take your son. He caused an accident that caused you to lose the memories of your son. He didn't do it on purpose, so there is no reason to accuse him of doing so."

"Why are you defending him?" Sara asked with tears falling down both cheeks.

"Sara." Beth said walking slowly to her, "Yes he hit your car, which caused you to lose your memories but you need to look at the facts. He didn't do it on purpose and he tried to make it up to you."

"By lying?" Sara yelled.

"The only way he knew how." Beth said reaching for Sara and wrapping her arms around her.

Sara couldn't take it anymore. The pain. The fear. The unknown. She crumbled to the floor in Beth's arms and cried.

The next morning Sara awoke to Beth sleeping next to her. She smiled down at her friend then walked to the bathroom to take a much needed shower. After she got dressed she made some coffee and brought two mugs into her room where her friend was still sleeping. She carefully lay on the bed, waiting for Beth to wake up. She didn't wait long; the smell of fresh coffee woke Beth to a pleasant surprise. Beth opened her eyes to Sara looking down at her holding two cups of coffee. Beth sat up and leaned her back on the headboard like Sara then took the coffee. She took a drink of the strong brew. Sara knew exactly how Beth took her coffee.

"Thank you." Sara said.

"Anytime." Beth replied. "But I hope I never have to do it again." She admitted. "I hate to see you in such pain."

"You're a nurse, you see people in pain all the time." Sara said.

"Not that kind of pain. It's different. Emotions aren't something you can take a pill for. It takes more time to heal those kinds of wounds."

"Why are you telling me that?" Sara asked.

"Because you've already been through so much, you've overcome so much. I want you to know you can get through this too. But it's going to take time." Beth told her friend.

"It doesn't feel like it." Sara said, looking down ashamed at her feelings.

"Of course it doesn't. That's how love is. It hurts like a bitch but my God it's worth it." Beth said, smoothing Sara's hair.

Sara turned to look at Beth and got very serious. "Is it? Is it worth it? I can't imagine anything being worth how I feel."

"Of course you can." Beth said, just as serious. "Lucas. Lucas is worth it, because you love him."

"But Lucas is my son. He can't hurt me like this."

"No, not like this but he's only human, and you're his mother. One day he'll grow up and leave. If you make your whole life about him, what will you have when he's gone?"

"I don't make Lucas my whole life." Sara argued.

"No, but I'm afraid you might start to." It was as if she could read Sara's thoughts.

Sara thought about that for a moment. Without looking at Beth she asked, "Do you think I should forgive him?"

"No one can answer that but you."

All Sara wanted was a yes or no, but she knew Beth wouldn't do that. She would never tell Sara what to do, just point her in the right direction. Sara couldn't see it clearly this time. Everything was muddled, her emotions, her thoughts. How could anyone make the right decision when they couldn't even think straight?

Just then Beth's cell phone rang. She grabbed it off the night stand and answered it. Sara sat on the bed watching Beth talk. Beth got really quiet as she talked. She turned away from Sara as she spoke. Beth never acted in this manner. It was as if she wanted to keep something from Sara.

"Alright." Beth said into the phone. "Thank you for calling me." She hung up the phone and looked at Sara very serious.

"It's Kay." Was all Beth said.

~~~~****~~~~
Chapter 22

Sara sat in a pew next to Beth. The church was crowded with loved ones wanting to say goodbye to Kay. Sara recognized many people from the manor. Mrs. Roberts and Dr. Cutler sat together a few pews ahead of her. Beth sniffed and wiped a tear from her eye. Sara opened her purse and pulled out a clean tissue and handed it to her. Beth smiled and took it and wiped her tears away. The day before Beth had taken Sara shopping again. But it was not like the last time. This time she was shopping for something to wear to a funeral. It wasn't exciting or fun. It was sad and Sara didn't want to be doing it. Sara wiped her own tears from her face. This hurt. This hurt bad. Sara loved Kay, and couldn't imagine a world without her in it. She should have had a chance, a chance to grow up, a chance to finish her movie, a chance to go to college and fall in love and have a family. I wasn't fair. Life wasn't fair.

Sara glanced to the aisle just in time to see Seth walking by. He walked a few pews ahead and sat next to Dr. Cutler and Mrs. Roberts. They exchanged a few polite words and then were silent. He never looked back to see her. Beth grabbed Sara's hand and they waited for the service to begin.

Sara and Beth drove to the reception hall after the service. It was hard to watch Kay's father get up to speak. He had lost his wife and now his only daughter to cancer. He got choked up a couple of times but was able to talk about the love of his daughter, her wit, her will to live and natural ability with a camera. The next Martin Scorsese as he called her.

The hall was decorated beautifully with flowers and pictures of Kay with family and friends. Everyone was able to walk around the room remembering the little girl. There was a buffet of food set up for people to eat and tables to sit at. At the end of the hall was a large television and a couple of chairs and a couch to sit on. Beth and Sara weren't the first to arrive so there was already a group in front of the T.V. Beth excused herself to use the rest room and Sara walked up to the sitting area to see what everyone was watching. It was Kay. More like Kay's movie. Her father had finished her movie and was playing it for everyone to see. Right now she was interviewing Sara and asking her a million questions. Sara smiled remembering the first time they met. Then it cut to the kids playing games and more interviews of the guests at the manor. There were shots of beautiful flowers, of the fountain and people laughing. Then the screen went black and words popped up. 'A love story, by Kay Miller.'

The next images were hard for Sara to watch. They were shots of Sara and Seth together, talking, laughing, lying in the rain. Some of them were taken from far away through glass windows. You couldn't hear anything but could see the emotion on each of their faces. A love song played in the background. It was edited in a way to tell their entire story. All of a sudden the music quieted and there was a shot of Seth standing in front of a door. The camera focused on his face then on the temporary name plate on the door reading Sara Scott, then back to him. "Is she going to be okay? I heard her crying." Kay said matter of factly. Without looking at the girl, Seth said, "I don't know." The music came back up and there were more shots. The last was of Sara running into Seth's arms before he left and them kissing in front of everyone. Again the screen went black when the words 'The End' popped up. After a few seconds the movie looped back to the beginning. A couple of people recognized her and waited for a reaction. Sara just stood there frozen. Tears streamed down her face. Then the people looked in a different direction very quietly. She looked in the same direction and there was Seth standing. He had been watching too. He just stood there watching Sara not saying a word. Sara wiped the tears from her eyes then turned and walked away. Sara found Beth and they left the reception.

It was well past midnight and Sara stood looking out the glass doors. Beth had left hours ago and all Sara had left to do was think. Kay's video had really touched her but it was so hard to watch. As an outsider it would have seemed so easy to forgive and forget. But could she do it? She still loved him but was it enough? All of a sudden the puppy came up and sat next to Sara's foot. Sara looked down at the puppy, the puppy whimpered then scratched at the door.

"You need to go out?" Sara asked the little dog. She opened the door and the dog took off into the darkness.

"Shit" Sara mumbled as she quickly looked around for her shoes. She found them then put them on while hopping out the door. She ran in the direction calling for the puppy but couldn't see it anywhere. She had no idea how far it had gone or if it turned to run in a different direction. Sara kept turning around in every direction hoping to catch a glimpse of it. And as if it wasn't bad enough it started to rain. Big drops of ran made the visibility just that much worse. What should she do, go back inside and leave the dog in the cold rain? What if it never came back? What if something happened to it?

All of a sudden Sara turned around and was frightened by a figure standing right behind her. It was Seth and he was holding her dog who was wet and shivering in his arms. He took a step toward her and she immediately took a step back. Her face had a crinkle in the middle of her brows as if she was confused and not sure what to do.

"Please." He started, "Don't go. I need to talk to you. You have every right to hate me, hate me forever. And never want to speak to me again. But you have to hear what I have to say."

Sara was wet and cold she crossed her arms and just continued to stare at Seth allowing him to speak.

Seth took a deep breath. "I never meant for any of this to happen; the accident, your memory, 'us'. But it did. And I truly believe it all happened for a reason. I think I was meant to hit your car that night. We come from different worlds and it was the only way for us to have met. From the second I looked into your eyes that night, there's been this pull toward you. I can't explain it. At first I tried to fight it but every time I saw you sad or worried I knew I needed to do something to help, to keep you safe. I may not have gone about it the right ways. And I know I shouldn't have lied to you but I want you to know that no matter what happens I'm always gonna be here. I'm always gonna make sure you are ok. That you are happy. Even if it's from a far because that is my purpose in this life, to love you. I love you."

It was very dark and Seth wasn't able to read Sara's face. She began to walk toward him till she stood so close he could finally see her face. She was soaked and shivering from the cold. She grabbed her puppy from him and walked back to her apartment. She opened the door and placed the puppy on the floor. Seth's head fell in defeat, he squeezed his eyes shut, he knew it had been a long shot. He never really believed she would forgive him but he needed to tell her. He took another deep breath and lifted his head back up and opened his eyes ready to go back to his apartment but when he looked up Sara was standing right in front of him. He could see her a little more clearly now. She was wet but her face was soaked from tears and she wasn't shivering she was crying. She threw her arms around his neck and he grabbed her around her waist pulling her closer to him; promising to never let her go. Sara pulled away just enough to be able to see his face. "I love you too." Was all she said then kissed him and it was better than any kiss they had ever shared. It was a true kiss. Not hidden but worry or shame or regret but one of pure love.

~~~~****~~~~
Epilogue

The last year had been amazing for Sara. She didn't think she could be any happier. Seth and her spring wedding couldn't have been more perfect. She didn't have to beg Dr. Cutler for the use of manor for their outdoor wedding, she happily agreed. They said their vows in front of the fountain. And all the guests of the manor were present including a few family and friends of Seth and Sara. Lucas looked handsome in his black tux as he walked Sara down the aisle. Jenny had a few complaints about the plain pink dress Sara picked out but added a few colorful accessories that screamed Jenny's style.

Seth and Sara decided instead of a honeymoon a nice long family vacation was better. There flew to Hawaii and spent three days with Lucas exploring the islands and the nights passionately in each other's arms.

When they got home it was a little hectic, Seth went back to work and Sara was busy trying to find a house for them still close to Lucas' father.

She finally found one and asked her Aunt Deb to again help her decorate, which she was more than happy to do. The relationship between Sara and her aunt and uncle bloomed into exactly what she wanted, a caring, loving relationship. They would come over for dinner or join then for outings with Lucas.

Sara, Lucas and Seth fell into a happy routine, Sara would wake up early to make breakfast for her men, after eating together Seth would go off to work and Sara would take Lucas to school. Sara couldn't stand doing nothing all day do she volunteered at the manor as a activity counselor putting together sports and crafts that everyone could participate in. and it gave her a chance to see her friends and check on how everyone was doing.

In the evenings they would enjoy a meal together, sometimes Seth would cook, telling each other all about their day. After putting Lucas to bed Sara and Seth would lay outside under the stars just talking before they both couldn't take the anticipation for what came next.

It was now fall and one of the last warm weekends of the year. Sara laid on one of the chairs soaking up the sun while Seth got Lucas ready to go with Luke for the weekend as he did most weekends. Actually Luke was just another extension of their family. He was welcome to come over whenever he wanted and usually did. Lucas enjoyed having him come around all the time. He said it was like living with two dads.

Lucas ran up to Sara and kissed her goodbye on the lips then kissed her round belly and said he'd be home soon to his soon-to-be little sister. Sara smiled and wished him a great time with his dad. After Lucas left, Seth sat down in the chair next to Sara facing her. He put his hand on her belly and rubbed it lovingly.

"How are you feeling, my love?" he asked Sara.

Sara smiled, she loved the pet names Seth came up with.

"Wonderful" she replied.

"I know it's been hard for you lately, being sick and uncomfortable all the time." he said.

Sara placed her hand on Seth's as he continued to rub her belly.

"It's not so bad. With Lucas I was sick the entire time, I feel much better this time."

Seth's hand stopped moving under Sara's. She looked up at his face.

"What?" he asked.

"Every pregnancy is different," she began to explain, and then realized what she had said. Her eyes filled with tears and so did Seth's. He stood up then pulled Sara to her feet. They stood there holding each other, crying, till there were no tears left.

The end

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