Great Britain is heading for a hard Brexit,
 you know that.
Unfortunately there is hardly 
any time left for negotiations,
and the dreaded No Deal scenario
 is becoming increasingly likely.
Despite this, at the party conference of her 
conservatives this week, Prime Minister Theresa May
looked almost elated as she 
sashayed up to the speaker’s lectern.
To Abba’s Dancing Queen.
Yes, that wasn’t bad, was it?
... why not?
It was of course above all a self-ironic
 allusion to the fact
that Mrs May has in the 
meantime built up a legendary reputation
as a rather bad dancer.
On a recent visit to Africa, 
she demonstrated
what could in principle be seen
 as The Dance to Brexit.
Yes, the last bit was good.
Yes.
Shortly afterwards, 
it rained in Africa for twelve weeks non-stop.
But the real star of the conservative party conference 
was of course her enemy and competitor Boris Johnson.
Former foreign minister 
and completely crazy Brexit hardliner.
Yes, well,
the man doesn‘t actually hold an office any more, 
yet he is considered to be the upcoming ruler of the island.
He thinks Mrs May’s plan,
 the Chequers Plan, is, I quote, “insane”,
which somehow sounds 
quite funny coming from him.
But then almost everything 
sounds funny coming from him.
“The EU reminds me of some badly-designed undergarment
that has now become too tight in some places,
far too tight, far too constricting,
and dangerously loose in other places”.
Don’t worry! 
Trust me, it’s going nowhere. It’s going nowhere.
The Brexit proponents have 
NO plan for leaving Brexit. NO plan.
They’ve been caught out several times telling lies 
and now they are continuing to tell even more brazen lies.
Just this week, May’s foreign minister described the EU 
as a prison and compared it to the Soviet Union...
… the EU!
Just because they will no longer get full access to our 
single market after leaving the EU.
You wanted to leave, didn’t you?
In the meantime, I think you need a “Brexorcist” 
for these idiots, my friends, seriously.
Yes! It’s not an exaggeration!
Here, English people,
Auntie Angela will explain it to you once again
 as if you were very, very stupid children.
“But it’s just that there are 
always a couple of benchmarks.
One of these benchmarks is that you cannot belong 
to the single market if you are not a part of the single market”
Yes, precisely, English people, 
you are only in the single market if you are in the single market.
Understood?
Got it?
Come, I’ll make it even simpler.
Look,
this is my new Boris Johnson 
sock puppet...
...so, and this is the EU. Okay?
Now Boris is inside...
outside...
inside...
outside...
But when I’m here, 
I don’t have a single market anymore!
But you WANTED to get out, didn’t you?...
Shut your mouth, you Nazi!
Hey!
There is no point, you won’t achieve anything,
There is no point, you won’t achieve anything, 
most of them are no longer open to hearing the arguments.
“It’s an island with a 
limited amount of space.
If you fill it up without any control over this limit... 
it will sink, it will go under”
Yes, that’s a fact.
Every island has a certain loading capacity.
And if you were to let in just ONE fat
 Polish plumber too many,
then it’s not only the mood that will sink,
 the whole island will go down.
That’s the force of gravity...
gravity in Britain.
Of course, you have to see 
the issue quite realistically –
advice from Germany is the last thing
 that the British want to hear,
but there is ONE man 
who is not put off by this.
Gernot Hassknecht.
Gernot Hassknecht explains to the English 
what will happen after Brexit, in 150 seconds.
Dear Englishmen and women, dear Brits,
 my dear freckled friends.
The clock is ticking.
On 29th March 2019, at eleven o’clock in the evening on the dot,
you are out.
And from one minute past eleven onwards,
I don’t want to hear any more
 from you ever again...
it’s a real shame that you are going,
 but I am absolutely fed up with your moaning.
Worse than the East Germans.
And with this arrogance too!
“But perhaps it would be 
an economic disaster?
I don’t think so, I can’t see why.
When we produce the best products in the world, 
other countries will still want to buy them”.
Haha....
the best products...
haha…
I suppose that must be the 
famous British sense of humour.
This disgusting beer that you have to
 drink with a knife and fork...
Englishmen/women, 
you have a… listen carefully…
negative trade balance.
You are addicted to imports.
You can’t even manage to make
 a sandwich on your own.
“The sandwich is in danger –
cheese from Ireland, Danish ham, cucumbers 
from Holland and tomatoes from Spain”
Oh... just pour on a little 
of your famous vinegar.
Then it’ll taste better.
Yuck!
It’s no joke;
last year Great Britain imported 3,000 sperm donations from 
Europe’s largest sperm bank in Denmark.
Unbelievable...
too lazy to do their own wanking...
but we’ll soon put an end to that.
We’ll cut you off from the sperm supply.
No more Viking genes...
then you’ll have to help yourselves
 from your OWN gene pool.
Haha...
According to the boss of Bank of England, Brexit is already 
costing the average household £900 a year.
For all those who find that too complicated,
I would like to give you a symbolic representation
 of the further course of Brexit.
With a double decker bus.
On that note, have a good trip.
Or as they say in Germany – good fart.
Bye.
