Hello, everybody.
I have wonderful news.
A video that I made a number of months ago
about making a birthday cake for my grandson
is finally ready.
And I'm about to show it to you.
Here you go.
Hello the InnerTube.
Today I'm going to attempt a fucking miracle.
A damn cake with no eggs, no flour, and no
butter.
You see, my grandson's birthday is coming
up and I always bake him a cake.
Lately, he's gone a little trendy with his
diet.
Glutton-free and vegan.
Are you fucking kidding me!
I was halfway to mixing this when he called me
to tell me this.
Hmmm, okay!
Here we go.
Don't need these!
First it was the juice cleanse, and then it
was the monkey diet, paleo something or other,
but lately he says glutton-free and no animal
products.
Whatever.
I'm not sure about this whole glutton-free
craze.
I don't know.
Maybe it's some sort of weight-loss thing?
Maybe I could try it.
Get rid of my big fat ass.
I know people have been trying new diets for
decades, but Satan suck a dick, that is just
so tough on a Granny's baking skills.
I do love him, though, so I searched the innerwebs
for a recipe.
Let's get started.
I'll just go over some of these wonderful
ingredients in this recipe (recipe in comments,
too).
Coconut or soy milk, your choice.
Heat it up a little bit.
Then we're gonna pour this chocolate in.
Oh, dark, unsweetened chocolate.
YUUUUUMMMM!
Then some vanilla, we've got some xantham gum,
just a little bit of brown sugar, not too
much.
Oh, and some sorghum flour.
No glutton in this.
Little cinnamon, little ginger, little dab
o' salt, little dab of cornstarch.
You know what the secret to this cake is?
Organic pumpkin!
Can you fucking believe?
Pumpkin and chocolate instead of eggs and
butter.
Really!
This is gonna be the tits [while stirring].
EEuuuwwww, this looks like runny dog shit.
[music interlude, soft guitar picking]
I better think about how to put some frosting on this
gross piece of shit if it ever bakes up.
[music interlude, soft guitar picking]
Well, I'll be a son of a bitch! This doesn't smell like dog shit.
I'll be damned.
That's not too fuckin' bad.
Make that sorta look like a little flower.
There we go.
That . . . that is fucking fine!
Well, that's a weird-ass one on me.
[little giggle] A fucking birthday cake with no glutton, and
no eggs, and no butter.
He's gonna be so fuckin' happy.
Nothing says love like your Granny baking
you a fine-ass birthday cake. [tastes] Mmmmm.
Glutton-free, my ass.
That's fucking delicious.
And remember, everybody, Granny loves you.
I love YOU.
MWAH! [music interlude, soft guitar picking]
