Ladies and gentlemen - 
and by that I mean gentlemen - with the
constant flow of headlines about sexual
misconduct in the papers...
do you find yourself wondering how not to be a rapist?
If you are like me, you may be
looking back at your history of not
abusing anyone and now wondering if
you're some kind of sexual deviant.
What if there was a simple way to treat
half of humanity better? 
Well, you could start with this article
And to start with you might not want to pair that article
with an ad involving a man abusing a woman.
The list goes on and on, and that's just to start with.
But speaking of 'start with,' don't start on this guy.
Gentlemen, perhaps the time has come to turn down the heat a bit and
there's one way you can do that by
turning up the heat a bit on that
certain part of the anatomy that is
affected by heat...
The balls creators of testosterone -
Nature's asshole hormone!
Now, yes
testosterone is responsible for many important things.
But too much of it and then it's responsible for this.
 
Now, I've seen the headlines:
But not for me. Tell that to my two kids -
only one of which was planned, and that one only half...
It was mostly her idea.
Now you may argue
"That's the point! Women, they're taking over!" 
Like this headline...
To clarify, no one is talking
about making you quit testosterone. We're just talking about cutting back a little.
Like, instead of doing shots - 
just drink a beer.
Instead of RedBull, have a Coke.
And instead of coke, smoke a joint.
Whatever you need to do to avoid behaving like this
 
What's to be done? Well if you're like me -
Instead of boxers try boxer briefs.
Instead of boxer briefs try tighty
whities. Instead of tighty whities,
Banana hammocks.
Or just stick a hairdryer down
there.
Whatever you do, avoid boxers.
Why do you think they call them 'boxers?'
It's a garment designed to make you feel like punching people.
Gentlemen, heat up your balls. 
Many wonderful opportunities await!
You can compliment a woman for looking
nice and only mean: she looks nice.
You can eat a banana like this - and not care.
And you can go to a yoga class and
actually focus on your own body.
Have the balls to heat your balls. 
Make sure your woman
doesn't do it for you.
 
