• From farting in a cashier’s face to
humping a stuffed toy at daycare, the Planet
Dolan crew re-enact more of the best true
stories from our subreddit about the funniest
things we saw kids do. I’m Danger Dolan
and today I’ll be your narrator.
Number 10 was submitted by Antuhonya Nixxiom
This one time Nixxiom was at Wal-Mart with
his mom, dad and kid sister. His sister was
eating a large box of fries as they moved
around the store. But she was having a bit
of trouble eating and walking at the same
time and Nixxiom saw her drop a few fries
along the way. When they turned around to
see how many she’d dropped Nixxiom saw a
little eight-year-old kid was picking them
up off the floor and eating them. Nixxiom
and his sister started intentionally leaving
a trail and the kid followed them like a seagull.
This went on for awhile until suddenly the
kid’s 600-pound mother appeared. She screamed,
“Stop eating candy off the ground!” and
caused a big scene. Nixxiom laughed so hard
he almost cried.
Number 9 was submitted by RedCl0uds Tolop
When Tolop went to his family reunion he was
given the job of looking after his little
cousin. After awhile the kid needed to pee.
Tolop took him to the bathroom and waited
patiently outside the door. Suddenly he heard
the kid shout, “MONSTER! NO! JESUS, WHY
TAKE IT AWAY! NOT AGAIN!”
Tolop had no idea what was going on. Under
his breath he said, “What the fuck…”
and waited for his cousin to come out. When
he did Tolop asked him what happened and the
cousin replied, “Stay away, evil shit demon!”
Not sure what kind of toilet training he went
through but it sounds traumatic.
Number 8 was submitted by ThatNerdInClass
Pringle
One day Pringle went shopping with his mom
and grandparents. His mom and grandparents
went into a clothing store so Pringle waited
outside with his grandpa. While he was waiting
Pringle’s allergies struck and he had a
terrible sneezing fit. He’d forgotten his
usual tissues so he had to borrow his grandpa’s
trusty red handkerchief.
As he was blowing his nose, a little girl
and her family walked by. The little girl
noticed Pringle and his handkerchief. She
pointed at him and loudly asked, “DADDY,
WHAT GANG IS THAT?!?” The girl’s father
went bright red and shushed her. He whispered
that he’d tell her later and they walked
away quickly without making eye contact.
Number 7 was submitted by Gracianna14 Gooby
One day Gooby noticed a little girl on the
school playground. The girl was holding onto
the bars of a round-a-bout and screaming,
“Someone push me! SPIN ME!” A teacher
on duty told her to be careful, but as soon
as he went away the girl got her friend to
spin her as fast as she could! The round-a-bout
eventually went so fast that the little girl
couldn’t hold on. She went flying through
the air like a ninja star!
The girl broke her arm, so the school had
to disassemble the round-a-bout. Although
she ruined everyone’s fun the sight of her
spinning through the air was one of the funniest
things Gooby has ever seen.
Number 6 was submitted by pink_lama Dolan’s
Brother
When my brother was at school he saw a group
of boys trying to impress a girl. The shortest
guy there had a BMX bike and was trying to
show off his ‘biking skills’. He rode
around a bit and was getting ready to pop
a wheelie. But as he did it he was looking
at his friends and not paying attention to
where he was going. He ran straight into the
girl he was trying to impress and came off
his bike, crashing head-first into a bike
rack. When he tried to get up he hit his head
again and lurched forward, putting his face
straight into the mud.
The moral of the story? Don’t use girls
as speed bumps. They don’t like that.
Number 5 was submitted by Xharifyra Melissa
When Melissa worked as a childcare assistant,
she had this one really weird kid in her class
who was always freaking everybody out. One
day all the kids were sitting on the carpet
for story time. They were all behaving and
listening carefully to the story – except
for one kid. The weird little boy ignored
the story and started aggressively humping
his favourite stuffed animal. He was really
going for it, not caring at all that he was
surrounded by twenty other kids.
Melissa laughed so hard that she had to leave
the room. Never a dull moment with kids around!
Number 4 was submitted by Jimbosmithy5 Pandora
Pandora’s little brother was a huge baby
who wanted to be breastfed all the time. Because
he was always feeding he became one really
strong baby. One day Pandora’s mum invited
a friend over to see him. While the friend
was holding him the little guy got hungry
again and proceeded to pull down the stranger’s
shirt and go in for a feed. He ended up ripping
the shoulder strap down to just above the
woman’s breast.
Pandora’s mum pulled the boob-crazy child
away in embarrassment and left the room, leaving
Pandora and her dad wetting themselves in
laughter.
Number 3 was submitted by ManicBulbs Andie
One day Andie’s family came over and the
kids decided to play some video games. They
settled on a four-player fighting game with
monsters. Andie, her brother and her older
cousin were all playing, but they still needed
a fourth player. They decided to get Andie’s
younger cousin to play – even though he
couldn’t talk and was still in diapers.
Baby cousin didn’t know what the hell was
going on so he just smashed the buttons with
his hand for the whole match. The crazy thing
is he ended up whooping Andie and the other
players’ butts! Even when they tried to
gang up on his character or use special moves,
they could barely get a hit in – and this
was a game they were all good at!
I think this MLG baby should start looking
for sponsors.
Number 2 was submitted by deidara459 Kyle
One day Kyle was buying groceries. He was
in line at the checkout when the bratty kid
ahead in the line started showing off. The
kid squirmed right out of his mother’s grasp
and jumped onto the checkout conveyor belt.
The little shit thought this was hilarious
and started walking on all the food. He went
right up the cashier’s face and did a loud
fart. His mother was too stunned to move.
The kid knew he was in trouble and tried to
run away down the conveyor belt. He ended
up slipping over and falling all over everyone’s
groceries. He was laughing the whole time.
Kyle thought it was pretty funny… but it
basically convinced him to never ever have
kids.
Number 1 – What’s the funniest thing I
saw a kid do?
Huge thanks for the folks over on 
our Planet Dolan subreddit for submitting
their stories. We have another question for
you: “Whats the weirdest thing you've ever
been asked to do?” Let us know in the Reddit
page linked below and you might be featured
in a future countdown.
