 
1/26/2010

The Child of Events!

By:Sir Teymur Roshdi

Smashwords Edition

Copyright2010-Sir Teymur Roshdi

1

To elaborate the events of my life and all the accidents which happened to me , I should refer to the early years of my childhood. The events after the third anniversary of my birth are astonishingly clear enough in my mind to explain them , but what I know about the period before this time I learned it later by the tales my father told me .

I was born in between of a conjugal struggles which happen usually after some years of marriage, and after my older sibblings , a girl and a boy , as the third child of my parents. Based on what my father told me in his old age, my mother cherrished too much her two childs, especially her first baby boy who was born after many years of awaiting , but she didn 't feel happy of my birth which seemingly bothered her , maybe because of a sort of tiredness or a sort of depression that many mothers experience after giving birth. As a result of this condition , my mother rejected me since the beginning and instead of feeding me she fed my two years old brother who still was fed by mother-milk . As a baby I was put away and instead of milk I was fed by tea , few times a day. When my father noticed that I was ignored by my mother tried to find a solution . Accidently in our neighborhood lived a young woman who had lost her baby after some weeks and when she learned that my presence in the family was a charge , she accepted eagerly to feed me and taking care of me . She was a very kind and caring woman and did all she could to keep me alive and nurturing me . But after few months her motherhood milk dried because of undernourishment and poverty , so she just fed me with some poor soup . This sort of diet caused gradually my weakness complicated by baby illnesses . The young woman who could not understand what was happenning to me because I was just in some coma and spent my last hours , was afraid of the responsibility of my death , brought back my dying little skinny body to my father's home. My parents after seeing my skinny shape which was about to passing away , ignored me and waited the aftermath .

It seems that I was not supposed dying as a baby , because I was saved in a 'miraculous' way , just by coming of an aquaintance of my father who was a student in the medicine university . The young student after socializing with my parents noticed suddenly my critical condition and after becoming conscious that my parents are completly hopeless about me and considered me as a terminal case took my dead body to the hospital for some analysis .

At the hospital , my 'dying' body became an interesting subject for medical studies and the cure of babies illnesses. The various sort of tests and examinations plus effective cure with medications and a regulated diet saved me from the fatal illness and my condition became progressively stable and normal . Because in that hospital I was called 'the abandoned baby' and because no one came visiting me , one of the nurse adopted me out of compassion as her child and took care of me. She lived in the hospital and fed me with the food of the hospital and when she was not there and leaving the hospital for a while , the other nurses were taking care of me. So I spent my early life in that hospital and I have been called 'the child of the hospital'. These were my first steps in the stream of life .

2

Until the age of three I stayed at the hospital , but everything changed when that young student, aqaintance of my father, the one who saved my life by bringing me to the hospital , came visiting me . At this time he had finished his medical studies and was already a doctor. He felt very happy by finding me in good health and a happy child. He accompanied me for a walk in the park , and we were both enjoying our walk for some minutes till the moment that we encountered suddenly my father . I did not understand what the doctor said to my father , nor what my father felt when he realized that his son was adopted by strangers. I never understood what happened during this encountering but the result was that I have been brought once again at my father's home.

My new situation didn't last too long and didn't give me the opportunity to become familiar with it . The family was arraning things in order to move in another city in the neighborhood region . At this moment although I was only three and few months I was able to understand perfectly everythings which was happenning around me and in my surrounding. I remember very well the tortuous ways and roads we were leaving behind us during the travel and also the very deep valleys we were passing accross them , they were green and awesome and at the bottom the rebellious river was flowing with its indifferent and tumultuous waves.

3

Not too long after our settlement in the new stranger city , someday my father took me kindly in his arms and told me that I had to prepare myself for a walk and a picnic in the nature. This sort of kindness was too unexpected for me but for the first time I felt that I was cherrished , so I showed myself very cooperative when my mother helped me to put my clothes on and I tried to wear my shoes by my own and I said to my father :"dad, you see now I 'm not a baby anymore and I can do things myself" . I was so happy at those moments that out of emotion I fell and hit the ground many times while going the stairs down .

Once outdoor and walking on the streets , I was running fastly after my father in order to reach him. After a while we arrived to a beautiful park where the kids were playing . By imagining that I would stay in that park to play with the other childs in such a florishing surrounding I felt extremely happy , the sort of intense joy that only kids are able to feel and to experience it in their soul. But my father plunged in his thoughts was ignoring me and continued walking till the moment that he arrived at the gate of the park and leaving it behind himself was running non-stop. The distance which separated me from my father looked so huge that in my astonishment I became afraid and very anxious , scaring losing him suddenly and once again finding myself alone and orphan ...

After having walked for few minutes we arrived at a wide street which we traversed and we found ourselves in front of a building with a very big brown door. The door was open , we entered and there were some stairs that my father helped me to going up and the stairs lead us to the first floor where a big lounge appeared which seemed to me a bit dark . Many stairs were in front of us again , and me, scared by that dark and the non-familiar place , addressing to my father I asked " dad , where is this place and why we are here ?". My father replied :"don't worry , we are here as guests and you will have lot of food and candy here , now go the stairs up !" I was relying on the parapet and when I tried to get up the stairs, suddenly I heard the sound of the closing door and didn't find my father behind myself . Horrified I runned back till the door and tried hopelessly to open it and reaching my father , but the door was locked . Out of fear and desperation I screamed so loudly that my heart could be torn and my whole body was shivering unvolontarily . At the moment I couldn't realize that my father left me willingly there or some sort of disaster separated me from him. After a while I felt the presence of a woman upstairs who was looking at me with surprise , she came down and took me kindly in her arms and brought me at the second floor where in a big lounge many kids were gathered and were playing . I stood for some minutes in a corner , crying for the unexpected event which separated me from my father , but as it is usual and natural with children , they forget easily the misfortune and adapt themselves with the new situations.

4

Very soon I became familiar with my new location and began socializing with the other children. I was happy finding lot of toys I could play with them , some balls , a little brilliant trumpet , a little wood swinging horse on which I forgot all the misery and sorrow cumulated in my young heart . I spent few months on that building which had a big brown door and then I didn't know what sort of place or institution it was called , neither why I was brought there , anyway I was enjoying the poor soup they gave to us , the presence of all the other kids with who I could play and the relative safety which reigned there .

With the arrival of the summer,we were moved in a place located in the countryside , very green and florishing place surrounded by some montains where a pure stream was flowing . We had a good time there , playing outdoor , discovering and pursueing butterflies and all sort of little wild animals , also there were all sort of playing engines for kids . Some young women were responsible of taking care of us and they usually distracted us by the different games and organizing singing and dancing seances .

The summer passed joyfully and at fall we moved once again to our usual place in the city. During this time nothing extraordinary happened because if so it would left its impact in my mind. I became familiar with my new way of life and as I was growing up I was becoming more aware of what was happening around me and also my sensibility letted me to enjoy fully the good days and moments we spent in our summer location. The countryside was really beautiful , along the ways there were all sort of trees,vegatations, flowers which seemed to me like a heavenly garden . I played joyfully in that wonderful surrounding and ate all sort of fruits of those trees. Those were relatively the best days of my childhood while we were playing all sort of games , singing and dancing under the supervision of the nurses.Sometimes the people from the neighborhood gardens were coming to watch us playing group games and singing songs. I liked most of all the play when we took the hand of each other and formed a circle of twenty kids and were turning around a hill covered by all sort of colourful flowers on a grassy ground . We were turning around that hill and singing songs, then we were changing softly the direction and were turning in the opposite side . At this time the rural people of the neighborhood gardens were cheering us up after the end of that play.

We were spending carelessly and joyfully the summer , but this state of things didn't last long . A sort of apprehension told me that this is too beautiful to last long. Under the impact of my apprehension , at nights I was the prey of very bad dreams and sometimes the dreams were turning into nightmares which woken me up in sweat and shivering out of fear.

At this time the place we , the abandoned childs, were living , the winter building in the city or the summer refuge in the countryside, under the supervision of different mentors, servants and a director , was not anymore a mystery to me , it was quite simply called an orphanage.In the countryside refuge we were sleeping outdoor under the trees , on the grass , watching and gazing at the brilliant stars, each one sending amazing rays, before I close my eyes and before I begin my astonishing journey in the realm of dreams. One of those nights I dreamed about my favorite game when we took the hands of each other turning around that florishing hill , singing songs and laughing , but suddenly I noticed that the scenery changed and that grassy hill covered with all sort of flowers turned into a terrifying abyss and the kids around me became horrible wolves that showed their fangs . I was so scared by this sudden change of circumstances which increased second after second my fear and horror,I left the hands of the others and tried to jump that horrifying abyss up and to escape that infernal scene , but the wolves surrounded me and each one showed me the threating fangs , ready to devour me in a wink , mortified by the fear,I felt so helpless that in my desperation I begged the wolves to leave me alone and to not harm me because I did nothing wrong to desserve such a punishment , but the wolves indifferent to my crying were laughing cynically and letted me know in their cruelty that they didn't care about my innocence and they were there to tear and consume me and roaring they attacked me. I woke up in sweat and an incredible heart beat . For some hours I was shivering of the terror of that horrible dream and then I began watching the sky and the countless brilliant stars which comforted me . A puzzling silence reigned on everything that night , occasionally I could hear the rooster's song coming from far which broke the mysterious silence of my surrounding and all of this had created a sort of dreamland , perhaps to remind me that the whole life is nothing but a passing dream ...

5

Not too long after the nightmare I had , everything changed around me. I noticed that our orphanage was not managed like usual , the tutors , teachers and servants left and the director was missing . Apart an old fat woman who was a sort of concierge , there was no one to watch or to take care of us. The fat old woman was indifferent to us and she could hardly move or doing things , instead she used to sit on the stairs and kept herself busy with her knitting .

I remember very good the location of the older orphans who were all teenagers, at the neighborhood of our garden , also I remember those boys who climbed the wall which separated the two gardens,to watch us playing and singing songs . At this time the wall in the southern part of the garden was digged by hammer, spade and other sort of gardening tools to create a big hole in order the grown up boys could have access to our garden where the kids were not older than 4 or 5 . Few days later , a group of hungry and violent boys of 12 to 15 who looked like vagrants appeared . They were so starving that they ate all the fruits and vegetables they found in our garden and and trampled all the rest . After a while when they found nothing to eat , they began breaking all the branches of trees , skinned them and ate them , also they ate the grains of rye which they found scattered here and there . We, little orphans were suffering starvation too , and because we had not anymore someone to take care of us and watching our diet , we began following the vagrant boys and ate trees leaves or branches .

This situation lasted for some time and I could not realize what was happening or what sort of disaster had caused this chaotic circumstances . Many years later I learned that a worldwide war has occured for few years in that region and its harmful effects were appeared in all aspects of individual and social life of people and torn the order of things and destroyed the economy of the society , so we were under the impact of this disaster . Our orphanage could not escape this global turbulence either and like a small boat in struggle with a deadly sea storm , was sinking under the water. The benefactor who supported our orphanage has lost his fund and there was not any budget , so the teachers and the servants left and we were given to the hazards and risks of our fate . The chaos which reigned on our orphanage was the result of a worldwide conflict .

We were few kids left there and in the teenagers garden all the girls disappeared and I didn't know where they were moved . From the boys section only ten remained and they were the ones who came regularly in our garden. They were the most wicked boys I have ever seen . Each day they came in our section and played diabolic and violent games and we, little boys , were like the toys in their hands on who they could do all sort of experiments and playing horrible and frightening games, we were just an object for their distraction and amusement . Our heavenly garden has been transformed into a desolated ruin by these few wicked boys . They torn off all the walls and built with the bricks some little refuges for their diabolic games . All over the garden they digged some holes as graves and played a strange and macabre play . One of them lay down at the bottom of that 'grave-like' hole and the others covered his face and body with the ground and sands . After some minutes , they took and put aside the ground and the volontary 'burried' boy emerged with a glorious and arrogant gesture and was cheered up by all the others who admired this 'heroic' player and the play itself .

Since then I noticed that some people even in their early childhood had wicked tendency and very strange fantasy they put into action to reveal their power or to satisfy their unsecurity and frustrations . Anyway this sort of tendency had always devastating results for themselves and for all the others .

The 'creator' and the 'hero' of such a macabre game as I remember was a weird looking boy of almost 17 who was called 'gorgon' . As I heard from the others the identity of his parents was unknown and he was notorious because of his rudeness , insolence and wickedness , everyone feared him and each one tried to keep his distance from him or even to 'respect' him out of fear. At this time I was only 5 and although I could not distinguish good or bad and the difference between goodness and badness , each time I saw him , by some 'instinct' I tried to hide myself from him . But unfortunately because we had no one watching over us , he came regularly in our section and spent lot of time in organizing weird and diabolic games and so he felt that he was the ruler of all of us .

6

I was starving and someday after spending few days in hunger and desperation , the old concierge woman gave me a piece of dried rye bread . I was so happy that I went down the few stairs which led to our garden and decided to find a corner to hide myself from those turbulent and wicked boys and eating my dried bread in peace . But suddenly 'gorgon' who was busy sharing some obscene jokes with the boys of his gang and laughing , noticed me . He rushed on me and told to his 'friends': "hey boys , see what a 'cute' baby I found" , and with a sarcastic voice and gesture he asked my name . I was so afraid of his eyes and look that I left my dried bread and tried to run away but he followed me and faking kindness he kept my tiny chin in his two rough fingers and pressed it so strongly that I cried out of pain. The other boys were laughing and mocking and I became a subject for their amusement . Gorgon was laughing diabolically and then he searched in his pocket and showed me a piece of sugar and said :" come on , take it and eat it and don't cry" . By seeing that tiny piece of sugar I forgot my fear and crying and took that suger and ate it .

The next day when I encountered 'gorgon' , instinctively and out of need and hunger I looked at his hands to see if he had some piece of sugar or not . Gorgon , when he noticed my beggar eyes , realized what I was expecting ,and laughing sarcastically said to me :"another piece of sugar? Ok , lets see " , and the he picked a piece of sugar from his pocket and showed it to me and addressing to his followers and admirers said :" come on kids ! you will see how this 'baby' will eat with appetit and delectation this piece of sugar!" and we all followed him till we reached the end of the garden where few fig trees despoiled of all their fruits and leaves were there and on their foot there was some excrements . Gorgon , inserted a corner of that piece of sugar into that excrement and gave it to me . Gorgon and all his admirers looked with astonishment awaiting my reaction as if they wanted to know how their experiment would work , to see if I would eat that spoiled sugar or not .Although the smell of the excrement was disgusting and made me sick but I felt that all my fragil 'existence' needed that piece of sugar , also the childhood ignorance helped that situation and I put that sugar in my mouth and chewed it . Gorgon and his followers were cheered up of the positive result of the experiment and the whole 'assembly' expressed loudly and sarcastically :"wow ! what a wonderful kid!" .

It seems that in this world , for some people , the fulfillment of their crasy fantasy and diabolic tendencies was considerated a great achievement and procured for them an extreme happiness...

This 'program' of my sugar-eating with the conditions I described was repeated many times , but 'gorgon' after a while found it boring and was thinking to create some more exciting distractions. Someday when all his followers had digged a 'grave-like' hole to play their macabre game , suddenly 'gorgon' noticed my presence while I was watching them, approched me and proposed to me to lie down at the bottom of that hole . I was so afraid of the outcome of such a 'game' that I tried to go away from that hole , and before taking some other steps back , 'gorgon' excited by my refusal , took me with a fast move in his hands and tried to put me in the hole . I began to cry so loudly and struggling like a tiny helpless sparrow in the hands of a wild animal , which combined with all the laughing and amusement of the 'assembly', created such a tumultuous 'show' that attracted the attention and the curiosity of the people in the neighborhood garden . While my hands were tied strongly around 'gorgon' 's neck and struggling with him to avoid lying down in the hole , and his friends joined us to help him to put me at any cost in the hole , suddenly we heard a loud and threatening voice from the up of the western wall of the garden . This voice broke the current of the things and suspended the trend of that macabre game . Gorgon put me on the ground and left me alone and in a sort of surprise, accompanied by his admirers, moved in the direction of the place where the voice was heard . I could breathe easily and felt some comfort

Gorgon , with the attitude and gesture of the chief of a gang of thieves , followed by his admirers who imitating the same bold attitude and gesture , approched the wall above which a young boy of 15 or 16 , hanged on a branch of some fruit tree was seen . Gorgon , the hands at his waist along with his gang were looking at him with a sort of anger and mockery , then with his harsh and angry voice , addressed to the young boy said :" who are you and what are you doing here on the wall of the people, putting your nose into others business ?". The young boy who was a very good looking person with wide shoulders replied :"I have nothing to do with your business , but it doesn't seem good to mistreat and abuse a helpless and orphan kid !" . Gogon said boldly : " are you the owner of the kid or his tutor ? mind your own business and get lost !" . After expressing these words he took a broken branch of tree and threw it toward his opponent . In a wink the young boy or in another word my 'protector' lowered his head and the rough branch of tree passed behind , missing his head as target . The rudeness and the insolence of 'gorgon' , beside his gross and harsh physical shape were so impressive that none of the boys of his age dared confronting him in some struggle or fight . After the 'scene' which was occured , all the boys of the gang supposed with a sort of self-assurance that the boy of the neighborhood garden would never dare to show again himself and to confront 'gorgon' . But against all expectation my 'protector' , jumped in a wink into our garden and showed himself ready for a fight . Gorgon , surprised by such a boldness became so angry that he began to hit the boy's face and body with multiples punches, but my 'protector' replied all of the punches with such strong and effective fist fight techniques that 'gorgon' fell on the ground keeping his face in his hands . The blood was droped through his fingers from his face which was injured during the fight .

I thought that the friends of 'gorgon' after seeing such a humiliation inflicted to their 'chief' would react by continuing the fight , to take revenge and to defend the 'reputation' and 'fame' of their 'boss' , but none dared such an initiative , instead they began looking with envy and admiration to the young brave boy who seemed to them like a sort of new 'hero' . An awesome silence reigned for few minutes all around , then the young boy in a fast move with his hands scared all of them and they were scattered far from him and me . My 'protector' looked kindly at me and taking gently my little hands told me : " since then if someone intended mistreating or abusing you , just inform me " , he said that and disappeared ...

7

Gorgon , after his spectacular failure in front of all his 'admirers' , hid himself for few days . Then I felt some ease for some time .

One of those days , in a afternoon , sitting on the stairs , I was so hungry that I began dreaming about all the declicious meals which were imaginable for an abondoned kid who had never experienced the warmth of the family home , or the delight of the abundance of food on table ... Suddenly I heard a voice calling my name . I payed attention to the direction where the voice was heard and I noticed the presence of that brave boy above the wall of our garden, the one who could confront 'gorgon' . Joyfully I moved toward that direction . My 'protector' , after greeting me and asking how I was doing threw a big red apple on the ground before my feet and said :"take it and eat it" . I felt that I was in a good dream and I couldn't believe it , I took the red big apple and looked at it with astonishment as if it was not real . At this time , some eight kids after seeing that scene , run toward me and looked at me and at that big red apple with a sort of sigh , desperation and envy . My 'protector' whose name was 'sherven',( which I learned later ) , was still watching me with a kind smile , and with a great attention to be sure that I will eat the apple and the other kids would not harm me and catch the apple from my hand . There were many months that I didn't taste or eat a single fruit , because all that big fruit garden has became a desolated ruin which was the result of a war , the social unrest , and a chaotic circumstances . Eating that red big apple was such a delight that I could only have dreamed about it , but it was real and I began shewing the apple and swallowed it quickly with delectation . Only a tiny rest of it remained in my hand that one of the kids came close to me and begged me to give the tiny rest of the apple to him, and I did so ... I noticed that all the other kids looked with envy to their friend who enjoyed such a delicious offer . One of them approched me and with a gentle tone of voice said softly close to my ear :"dear friend, the next time that you are given an apple , give the rest to me ". I promised him that I will do so ...

Since then , each afternoon , 'sherven' appeared from above the wall and gave me a big red apple . All the other kids have known the exact time of the 'arrival' of the apple and they were gathered around me and waiting for the remaining part of that apple . I was faithful to my promise and each time I gave the rest of the apple to one of them .

Gorgon seldom appeared in the garden and even there , he was busy with other stuff and didn't pay attention to me . The kids who were his playmates or his admirers , now showed 'kindness' toward me because of the part of the apple they could enjoy . What was sure was this fact that they stopped making fun of me and sometimes allowed me to play with them and this not because I was a meek and obedient kid and not because they have been turned into kind and gentle boy but only out of need for that tiny part of that 'famous' apple . This feature of human nature has always puzzled me , sometimes because of a sort of need , people became your close and 'trustful' friends and some other times because of no ground for any interest , they became your 'sworn' enemies .

8

We were spending some relatively peaceful days , and meanwhile my only joy was the apple I ate each day which avoided me dying from starvation or undernourishment . Although I was somehow relieved from the wickedness of 'gorgon' and his horrible games , he used to come in our section and kept himself busy with his specific games or 'story telling' . Someday , when I was sitting on the stairs and played with the stones as usual , and was hearing the voice of 'gorgon' who was telling jokes and obscene tales , he noticed me and suddenly with a sort of anger and hatred which kindled in his eyes , picked a sharp and long knifelike tool in his pocket and addressing to me said :" did you imagine that you found a protector for yourself, to hit me and to humiliating me ? this very day I will collapse his head with this spear you see in my hand" , he said that and full of anger hit violently the trunk of the tree beside him with his swear which penetrated it profoundly.

Few minutes later I noticed that 'gorgon' was whispering something to the boys who were usually with him and was showing the wall of the garden where 'sherven' was living . In a wink they found some ladder and relied it on the wall of 'sherven' 's garden and descended into it . Then I saw a shirt which was full of apples and grappes but tied around a stick was thrown over the wall into our garden . They intented to share the loot among themselves but surprised by the cry of the gardener they jumped the wall and reached our section . Sherven , informed about the 'robbery' which happened in their garden , came into our garden with the company of the gardener . Gorgon and his 'friends' after moving toward a corner of the garden , were dividing up the fruits , but 'sherven' , furious , showed 'gorgon' and his gang to the gardener . The gardener threatening loudly run after the group , some of them fled with the shirt full of fruits to the farest part of the garden . Now 'gorgon' and 'sherven' were in front of each other like two fiery wild animals ready for a bloody fight . Sherven , out of anger , addressed to 'gorgon' and said furiously :" naughty boy , you annihilated the whole garden of the orphanage and that was not enough for you , now you want to destroy and to rob ours too , vile thief !" ... Gorgon who was already full of hatred and resentment against his opponent , pressed his jaws to each other and like a wolf roared :" bastard you don't know me yet , and you ignore with whom you have affair , I will crush you in such a way that you will forget your insolence and silly boldness forever " , while saying that he rushed with his swear on his opponent . Sherven , after seeing the shining of the metal which was tearing the empty space with ferocity and wildness , in a wink moved back , but the shot which was supposed to strike 'sherven' 's head , hit his shoulder , torning his shirt , wounded him . Sherven , furious by such a mean endeavour , took a gross stone on the ground and out of anger hit 'gorgon' 's feet so badly that he cried and roared like a wounded wild animal , left the swear , sat down and took his feet with his hands . Sherven grabbed the swear and without controlling his anger , wounded 'gorgon' 's left cheek . Gorgon under the effect of his burning wound cried loudly and fell aside .

I was shocked and my whole body was thrilling out of fear and I didn't know what to think or what to do , meanwhile I heard the voice of some people behind me who were talking very politely , my surprise was great when I recognized our familiar director with the company of a group who moved and talked with a distinguished manner and look . They were witness of the ferocious scene of fighting which occured . Our director , coming back to the orphanage after many months which seemed to me an eternity , said anxiously to one of the persons who accompanied her , someone who was apparently an influential personality :"sir , I'm really sorry that your arrival coincided with such a violent scene". Then she addressed to the two nurses and tutors who were in her company to bring quickly 'sherven' and 'gorgon' to the nursery and to disinfect and to band the wounds of the two boys .

9

All the remained kids of the orphanage , after seeing the gentle woman who was our director , began crying out of joy and comfort they felt after all those months of hunger , desperation and unsafety . We gathered around her and we were crying , because we remembered how miserable we were without tutors and caring teachers .

The director , by seeing our dirty and skinny face and our torn clothes , guessed what happened to us and what we had suffered . She said kindly :"my little children , don't worry anymore , I will be with you and will take care of you all" . Then she ordered to the nurses and tutors to managing everything and taking care of our hygiene , diet , clothes and our well-being in general . The director went along with the group of visitors , who were as I said earlier , influential personalities , because she talked with a great respect and discretion with them and explained things concerning our orphanage . After visiting the building they returned back to the garden and meanwhile I felt so happy about the return of our director that I followed her and watched that respectful group.The man to whom the director spoke with great discretion seemed very impressed by the desolated state of the orphanage and the ruined garden and expressed his sadness about that . Then they exchanged a philosophical discussion that I could not understand the point or its meaning . At the end, the influential personality told to our director that he would provide everything necessary for the care and well-being of all the kids remained there and also all the poor or miserable people who will come in this institution seeking refuge . Then accompanied by the few persons who were with him , he left and disappeared from our sight .

The evening of this same day , for the first time after few months , all the rooms in the building were illuminated and most of all, the smell of a warm meal coming from the kitchen spread all around could make all hungry person unconscious out of delight.The meal of that night was a perfumed rice prepared with sunflower oil that I could eat with delectation after some months of hunger and the time when we could just find a piece of dried rye bread once a week , some spoiled grappe and some water.That little dish of rice I ate that night was the most delicious meal I ever tasted in all my life , because it left an impact on my memory forever , I couldn't believe that and I thought that I was dreaming , but everything was real and I can never forget that I felt very happy that night and could sleep peacefully...

10

I will never forget that afternoon when one of the gentle nurses of our orphanage came toward me , taking softly my hand and moving me away from the other kids told me :"there is a very kind woman who wants to see you and give you some cookies". Then I have been led toward a group of people sat around a table in the garden near the door of the building. Automatically I recognized two of them I met few days ago who were apparently the supporters of our orphanage . A good looking woman was there among them . All of them by seeing me smiled kindly and looked at me with great compassion . Our director addressing to that group said :"yes , this child was the subject of that fight , those boys were ready to kill each other for his 'cause'". The good looking woman expressing her profound kind feelings said :" oh my god , what a cute child ! , I wonder how people are able to put aside such a good kid and depriving him from the warmth of the family home and leaving him alone to his fate!". The influential man who was respected by all the people gathered there , caressed my head and said :"unfortunately nowadays most people have lost their conscience and behave as they like following their lowest instincts without feeling the least responsibility in front of themselves and all the others". The kind good looking woman after kissing me offered to me a beautiful box of cookies tied with a satin ribbon and said :"this is for you my dear child , take it and eat the cookies and enjoy that ". The joy and happiness I felt at that moment and all the hours after that , which warmed my heart, was so great that I can't describe it . After many years , this was the first time that I experienced this feeling and learned the meaning of charity , compassion and love . When I went to bed I was still delighting the taste of the cookies and then slipped into a sweeter dream .

Few days later after that agreable encounter , the tutor of our section came at me with a packet containing very beautiful and new clothes, underwears and a pair of leather shoes . While I was under the effect of my astonishment , she helped me to put the clothes on and to tie the shoes up , then she said :"you have a visit, and we will go out for a walk". By hearing these words , I became very anxious because I remembered the words of my father telling me that we will go for a walk but he brought me to the orphanage and then disappeared and left me alone paralysed by my fears and horrified by the thrills of the abandon . Anyway I followed the tutor and left the building and reached the garden , where on a chair the same gentle and good looking woman was awaiting me . When she saw me , she smiled sweetly and stood up and taking me in her arms gave me a little basket full of all sort of candies and fruits. This was the first time that I felt that someone was paying attention to me by talking with me and showing interest and affection . A little boy of almost seven years old wearing very clean and elegant cloths accompanied the charitable woman , he was her son and by the sign of the woman , he took my hand and we began walking and leaving the orphanage . Meanwhile I noticed that some of the boys who were always with 'gorgon' looked at us with sigh and envy , seeing me wearing new and clean cloths in the company of that mother and son and leaving the orphanage . Maybe I was lucky or maybe not but I felt some compassion for them , because there were as hopeless as I was in the past and will continue living their life or in desperation or in violence and hatred , anyway we had something in common , our miserable childhood and our unknown future .

11

When we stopped in front of the gate of a majestic house which looked like the palaces described in the tales , all the servants of the house came to welcome their masters with respect , obedience and excitement , and each one tried to be more pleasant than the other . Their big dog was so excited that it sticked itself to its masters , the charitable woman and her son, and expressed its joy with strange sounds or by running around them and smelling them then lying on the ground taking amazing postures ... We entered into the majestic house which had a very big sitting room and a dinning room , then multiple rooms for the kids , guests and for other purposes. On the other side of the garden another place was designated for the location of all the servants . In the backside of the house a very big garden which was so beautiful that it reminded me a heavenly garden , impressed me in a way that I found myself in a sort of euphoria . A vast terrace was along the house which with all the windows were looking at the garden . Inside , all the rooms were decorated by priceless artworks and furnitures . I felt that I was in a sort of dream that I wished it never ends .

In the evening , some guests came to visit the charitable woman who was now the one who adopted me as her child . During that evening party , 'madam' talked about me and explained to her guests the story of my life and all the things she knew which happened to me. She was so excited about her act of charity , the adoption of an orphan that she told to her guests :" I'm really a lucky and happy woman , I have indeed all the things necessary for my happiness , good parents , beautiful children and everything , so I decided to share this happiness with an abandoned kid in the orphanage , to make him happy in order to have a peaceful conscience and to achieve my duty toward god and the society , I really enjoy doing some charitable deeds to the poor and miserable people" . I was hearing all of this while I was playing with the children of 'madam' , she had also a daughter of almost five years old apart her seven years old son .

I spent splendide days for some months and had very good time with the children of the charitable woman , enjoying everything good , the games , the meals and the attention they payed to me . I was happy with my new way of life and nothing bothered me ...

We were in fall and the family exceptionally didn't spend the summer in their countryside house because of the social unrest and a civil war . All sort of crimes were committed , and the city where we lived was not exempt . The conflict and fight between the governmental forces and all sort of armed groups was continuing. The gangsters and agitators found the opportunity to increase the dimensions of the chaotic circumstances which reigned everywhere .

When the governmental forces prevailed for some time , a relative order was established and we heard few things about the unrest or the crimes committed . At this time I was six years old and was a sensitive boy . All my concerns were about goodness and badness , about meekness and arrogance or pacificism and violence, love and hatred . Also I could understand relatively the meaning of happiness and misery . Because of my sensitiveness , I was supposed to suffer all my life for the remarks and reactions of the people around me . For example the behaviour and encounter of the family members or the guests of 'madam' left always a huge impact on me . Progressively I noticed that I was a subject of discrimination because I was not really the child of the family but an adoptive kid . The people who used to come in that home showed lot of kindness when addressing to the two children of 'madam' but they payed little attention to me and I was always put aside . This was the difference between our destiny and fortune and this state of things hurt me so deeply and so badly that even now I feel the 'wound' of my burning and broken heart . Also I could understand that the most part of the kindness and care showed toward the children of 'madam' was based on the personal need and interest to attract the affection of their host or just to enjoy her material comfort and eventually to take some part of her wealth .

In that house lived also a very stylish and haughty woman who enjoyed the status of the governess of the children . She was also the manager of everything in the house and 'madam' payed much attention to her and consulted her in all decisions . As I heard later , the governess belonged to an aristocratic family but because of some conflicts she left her home and came working as governess in the home of 'madam' who was an acquaintance of her family . A big lounge was designated for her private life . She taught to the children the aristocratic manners at table and everywhere in their daily life, also she taught them playing piano and learning foreign languages . Since the beginning I noticed and felt that she disliked and despised me and didn't pay attention to me , maybe because I was an adopted stranger kid or maybe because of her social prejudices , or maybe because something was wrong in my attitude which made me looking a shy and cold child , anyway I was discriminated and she was trying to not allowing me to play with the children of the family .

When the charitable woman was absent , going out for affairs in the town , the governess brought the two children into her private big room and kept them busy with some piano lesson or other sort of amusement and didn 't allow me entering in her lounge and usually said to me to going away or playing with the cook's daughter who was a very impolite girl.The cook was a fat and uneducated man who always talked loudly and insulted everyone with a harsh voice . He hated me particularly , out of envy and jealousy , because he couldn' t accept this fact that the charitable woman adopted me as her child but was indifferent toward his daughter . I learned this when some of the nights the charitable woman was out for private affair and the governess put me away from the children , I went to the farest part of the garden where all the servants and the cook's family were gathered for chatting . I was so afraid of the loneliness that I sat somewhere not too far from them . I heard the cook while pointing me to the 'assembly' , saying with his harsh voice :"look at this good-for-nothing ! one should always be lucky to enjoy favour ! we don't have good luck at all , my daughter is so cute and so gentle and 'madam' is so indifferent to her that she never pays the least attention and she never does something for her , instead she adopted this stranger kid whose parents are completely unknown, as her child and mixed him with her own children !"

At this time I couldn't realize why some people are so jealous that they can't suffer the least ease and comfort of an abandoned and helpless kid . sometimes this same cook confronted me openly as a rival of his own age and considered me as his personal enemy . Most of the times he humiliated me in front of the charitable woman , her children and the governess and for attracting more and more the favour and attention of 'madam' , he used some words and allusions to prove that my presence in that house would decrease the social dignity and the noble origin of the family ...

12

What disturbed me most of all was the hostility of the governess because the least word or suggestion used by her could change definitely my destiny .

She enjoyed the absolute confidence of the 'charitable woman' because she had the responsibility of the education of her children and because she was consulted in all domains of the management of the household . But the overesteemed governess enjoyed also the attention or the 'affection' of the brother of 'madam', the one who apparently was 'in love' with her . The brother was always admiring the skills , wisdom , intelligence and the competence of the governess in all fields in front of his sister and this admiration which sounded sometimes a sort of 'worship' increased the dignity and the credit of the governess and strengthened her status in that house . He usually came visiting the governess while 'madam' and her children were absent . They walked in the garden talking or coming indoor playing piano and singing romantic songs . At this time the sound of the music they played was enthralling my soul and I found myself in a sort of transcendental state , and wished to be able to play the piano and produce such magical melodies . This same feeling attracted me near the door of the governess room , when I was alone and left to my own , this was my favourite distraction .

One of those times that I was listening to the music the governess played for her lover , suddenly she stopped playing and came out of her room and looked at me with such an anger in her eyes that I began trembling . She didn't dare blaming me verbally but with the angry expression of her face I knew that she wanted to know what I was doing there , I told her quietly that I was scared of the loneliness , otherwise I didn't intend bothering her , but when her lover appeared , she changed the expression of her face and addressing to him softly said :"I really don 't know what to do with this spoiled kid , he's becoming a charge for me , I'm bored , already I work hard for the education of those children of your sister , but taking care of this stranger boy who is not her real child exasperates me , honestly your sister has a very strange personality and very strange beliefs. On the other hand when you notice that all your endeavours are ignored and they're not really acknowledged and never rewarded by gratitude , you 're disappointed ". The brother of the charitable woman acknowledged the opinion of the governess , in agreement with her added :"indeed , you are absolutely right , previously I tried to convince her that her beliefs in charitable works are not compatible with our era , there is no room for this sort of 'superstitions' , she spent all her money in the foundation of schools and orphanages or adopting abandoned kids like this one , she's really silly . Imagine that I lost all my money in games and luxury but I don't regret that because I enjoyed my life and we all know that life is short and you should have fun and enjoying it" . After saying that he took his glass of beverage , drunk it , began playing piano and singing passionate songs . Then the governess came and closed the door .

At this time although I was only six years old , the details of that discussion left a huge impact on my mind in a way that I could never forget it .The reason for the impact of this conversation between the governess and her lover on me and the reason for having been so impressed by those words and their opinion about my presence in that house was the role it played in my destiny in a way that everything which happened to me after this moment followed another and an absolutely different path .

After this day , my sensitiveness toward the reaction and the behaviour of the people around with me increased , in such a way that I could feel perfectly the contempt and the indifference they showed by seeing me . Meanwhile the attitude of the charitable woman changed completely , not only toward me but in general . She didn't express kindness toward me anymore and when seeing me , she just ignored me totally . Until this time I usually took my meals at the table with her children and suddenly I have been put aside and my place was changed and she sent me at eating times to the table of the servants of the house at the other side of the garden .

The changes which happened in my usual way of life coincided with the tremendous changes occured in the life of the charitable woman and her household .

I was not anymore witnessing her noble manners and her dignified behaviours , not anymore paying attention to charitable works and caring about the poors and the miserable people , not anymore spending money to found schools or orphanage . She stopped visiting the charitable institutions or participating in this sort of assembly . All of that seemed totally meanignless to her . She became indifferent to everything . She was just like a disciplined and responsible captain of a ship who tried to save all the passengers under her care and attention , and the one to whom everyone looked for their life and well-being , suddenly in front of the astonishement of all the passengers , she released herself from all the responsibilities ignoring all the principles and ideals she believed in them till that moment and abandoned the ship and the passengers to the horrifying waves of a stormy ocean . It seemed that she was traversing some psychological crisis and was suffering a sort of mental disorder . Her behaviour was unrecognizable , her gestures and reflexes were not at all the same , the kind tone of voice and words she used to express changed into some incoherent talk and incoherent reactions . She spent the nights in company of some superficial guests playing card games , drinking alcoholic beverages and laughing like fools . The aspect of the house changed too , she fired all the servants apart two of them and the governess .

Each day they were talking about me and about what to do with me . I felt that my presence in that house was a sort of charge and an inappropriate part tied to another sort of stuff . The psychological changes of the 'charitable woman' and the shortage of foods in the region created a sort of disturbing situation in the house .

Someday , in the morning , one of the relatives of the woman's late husband came in the house and gave very bad news about the unrest and the chaotic circumstances of the society , telling that lot of gangsters and evil-doers used to attack the houses and after devastating them , they kill or rape the household . This was the cause of the penury and the shortage of foods , so a black market has been created and the price of the necessary items increased to their maximum , what caused an incredible misery among the population . The young man also added that some groups of those evil-doers are settled not too far from the woman's property and it might happen that they attack suddenly the house at night and bringing all the objects of value with them if by any chance they spare the household and don't harm them . Everyone in the house became very upset by these bad news , so the young man suggested that they hide all the objects of value or the furniture in the underground and covering the entrance . So they followed this suggestion and we all helped to gathering and hiding those objects in the underground and we covered the entrance of it in a way that it was not noticable . The young man said that the thieves after attacking a house were acting very naturally as if they were some people in removal and no one could suspecting them .

13

In the afternoon , we finished the work of removing the priceless furnitures and objects of value , and I helped as I could and as my frail body allowed to this work of removal . I felt very tired and very hungry but I was so afraid of the indifference of everyone who ignored me that I didn't dare expressing something about that . After a while , the 'charitable woman' looked at me , as if she asked herself what to do with me , whispered something to the young man and then he turned to my side and took my hand and we left the house . The man who walked fastly , pulled me after his reckless steps, we walked a long distance till the moment that we reached the door of a good shaped building . We entered the building and arrived into a very big room where an impressive man was sitting . Automatically I recognized the man , he was the gentle supporter of the orphanage where I was in , and met him before my adoption by the 'charitable woman' . The young man expressed himself with great respect and talked about the shortage of foods and the disturbed state of things and added that the 'charitable woman' who adopted me is not able to provide my subsistence anymore and she is seeking help from the charitable man . They talked a lot but I couldn't remember what they said . So it was decided and planned that I take my meals once a day at noon in the kitchen of that building and returning to the woman's house for staying and sleeping .

I knew that I had to play the role of the door-keeper of the woman's house , because they were mostly absent all day and they just came back at home for sleeping . When I say 'they' , I mean the woman, her children and the governess , all the other people , the servants were fired or just left , only an old woman who was the nanny of the children in the past stayed there with me , we were the only ones left alone in that big house and garden all day . In the morning my very wish was that the time passes quickly in order I could go to the kitchen of that building where the respectable man was living , and eating some soup and a piece of bread . This was my only joy in those days which kept me alive and avoided my starvation . I learned the way which ended to the house of the charitable woman by remembering the signs I ought to follow . Because I was alone I spent the afternoon 's hours in the streets around and at the evening I arrived to the house . Those were almost peaceful days and no one bothered me , and also because the governess accompanied the charitable woman and her children , she encountered me fewer and didn't express her hostility . Almost all the rooms of the house were empty and the furnitures were hid . I was alone with that old nanny and fortunately and for my good she didn't mistreat me like the cook who used to do in the past .

I began spending hard and horrifying nights since the moment they decided to change my place of sleeping from indoor to outdoor on the terrace . The vast garden with all its old trees took a terrifying aspect at night . Behind each tree I expected the appearance of some ghost or some wild animal . Moreover , each night we heard the bad news about the houses which have been attacked or the people who were killed . All of this impressed me too badly and increased my unsecurity and fears , I was always upset and stressed . My little happiness at noons for getting some piece of bread has been overclouded by the anxiety and the fear I had to confront by the approch of the evenings and the darkness of the nights . I never knew who made the decision of leaving me sleep alone on the terrace on those nights of terror and horror while unsecurity ruled everywhere in that region . The nights became a nightmare for me , all my fears were mostly the result of my infantile imagination which gave an horrifying shape to all sort of shadow and sound . This state of mind forbidded me to fell asleep , and I spent the whole nights awake fearing all sort of imaginable horror in sweat and thrills. Sometimes in the twilight when the household was spending some moments on the terrace discussing , I offered my exhausted body to some light sleep on the pavement of the terrace but suddenly I was awaked by the sound coming from the fars which resembled to the roaring of wolves and once again I became the prey of the scaring state of my unsecurity and my helplessness . The nightmare of my hallucinations beside my starvation progressively were about to annihilate me .

I couldn't say a word to someone about my feelings , my pain and my suffering , neither going to someone 's arms and crying openly because nobody cared about me and none of this was credible for the others . Also I couldn't realize for what reason I was treated in this way and what was the difference between me and the two children of the 'charitable woman' who enjoyed the security and the peace of the sleep under the care and attention of their mother and their relatives and never had the least idea of what was happening to me , and me like an unwanted element has been rejected so harshly . Quite simply I couldn't understand the logic of this situation , neither the sudden change which happened in the 'charitable woman' 's mind and made her totally indifferent to me and to my destiny and insensible to my pain and to all my fears and tears on that terrace at night. Of course she knew everything about this state of mind of a child , she knew all about the unsecure situation in the surrounding , because she never left alone her children in the garden or on the terrace even during the day . I represented nothing for her anymore , my life and my feelings were totally indifferent for her , her heart became hard and there was not any room for me . Even her dog was treated much better than me , it was cherished and spoiled with affection and care .

So the nightmare of those nights on that terrace were spending and it was not too hard to realize that they used me as a shield in front of the thieves or murderers who might attack the house , in order that if I'm not killed silently , I could cry and screaming to awake them and prevent them of some bad surprise .

14

Fortunately during those two months I spent the nights in fear and terror on that terrace , no extraordinary accident happened and no attack occured . We were in the early summer and the 'charitable woman' with the agreement of her sister who joined her with her children , decided to spend the summer in their countryside villa . The social unrest was relatively calmed down so we could enjoy some 'peaceful' state of things . The 'charitable woman' by consulting her sister and the governess , hired a group of family members who had the reputation of boldness and courage to encounter any armed attack of agitators or thieves , to settle in a section of her winter house and taking care of it. They were an acquaintance of her late husband , so she trusted them .

We left the house and began our journey toward the countryside villa in joy and cheer , singing songs and laughing . During this removal , everyone , children and adults were expressing joyful thoughts and telling funny jokes and tales and laughing loudly , forgetting all our sorrow and pain . Meanwhile , by imagining that my horrible nights on the terrace would be suspended for some times , filled my exhausted body and soul with joy and relief .

The villa was located in a very agreeable green surrounding , we were traversing and leaving behind us hills and green mountains , arriving to some cliffs which encircled a bay that like a river joined an infinite blue sea its horizon was confused with the blue sky . The bay which was not appropiate for being a port for ships , was used as a vacation place for fishing and boat driving . At night , that bay under the light of a full moon , with its silver harmonious waves created by the boats movement , seemed to me like a beautiful dream , a landscape which linked forever my deprived and sorrowful soul to the 'Beauty'.

The countryside villa of the 'charitable woman' was located nearby of the summer garden of the orphanage I was living in the past . At this time I was seven years old but my feelings and sensitiveness were so grown up, deep and so mature that none of the details of that heavenly nature could be ignored by me , neither the reactions and behaviour of the people around me might left me indifferent , I was sensible to everything in my surrounding and felt all with such a deep impression that they all left an incredible impact on my soul . In those few first days that I was observing with my very new sensitiveness and feelings the colours of that nature , the different sort of flowers and vegetations around , the bright blue sky , the mysterious whiteness of the clouds and the deep , calm and awesome water of the bay , mixed with the enthralling smell of the soil, flowers and trees and the sound of the different sort of birds which communicated to each other and were flying carelessly and joyfully , I felt that I wished to reproduce all of this in a sort of artwok . A sort of tameless tendency forced me to try to immortalizing all of this beauty . This same feeling led me later to create some beautiful and harmonious figures with everything I found around , the leaves of the flowers , the stems of the grass or drawing something on a desolated wall or chiseling some shape on the stones or the woods . I was reproducing the 'Beauty'.

I was like a tiny bird who fled its cage , flying freely in all sides , I was running and jumping like a gazelle everywhere and forgetting my loneliness and sorrow , I felt myself a part of that beautiful nature . In the garden I had a good time , playing games with the children of the family and eating all sort of fruits we found on the trees . The first three days were spent joyfully and carelessly and I was very happy , but because the happiness is not designated for miserable, lonely and weak people , and each moment spent in joy and carelessness should be payed with the high price of an infinite pain and suffering , my short new found happiness didn't last long . The third night of our settlement in the villa , when I went to my little and dirty 'bed' in the garden and began gazing with astonishment at the stars in the sky which sent dancing rays , and was ready to offer myself to a sweet and peaceful sleep , I heard that the family members were whispering and exchanging words and talks about me , because I heard many times they pronounced my name while talking about the sheep , cows , flock and sheepherding .

In the early morning , at dawn , I've been awakened by one of the servants , interrupting so my sweet dream , put a piece of bread and some cheese in front of me and said :"hurry up , eat it fastly , we should go to the fields !", then hung a dirty napkin containing a piece of bread on my shoulder and led me toward the cows, sheep and the goats which were gathered in the garden , hidden their head in their crowd . Few minutes later the sun was spreading its rays on earth and on the road where we were leading the flock to the pasturage . Along the railroad , a flourishing meadow appeared with all sort of wild red flowers and fresh grass . I just could enjoy for some moments this beautiful landscape and finding some relief , because later I ought to worry about another big flock which was pasturing on the other side of the meadow , and I had to be careful that my little flock don't go too far and be mixed with the other flock . The servant told me : " since now , you are the sheepherd of this flock and you should be aware that the sheep and cows distinguished by their identity signs don't be lost or mixed with the other sheep and cows ". Without knowing the least thing about sheepherding and the identity signs I replied :"alright... I'll be careful ".

At first I was a bit afraid by the big shape of the cows but after a while when I noticed that they were harmless and busy with their pasturing , I felt comforted . On the neighborhood hill another flock was pasturing and I heard a melody coming from the far a sheepherd was playing with his flute . This melody reminded me the joyful hours I spent with the children playing games , swinging and running after each other , and now those days were lost and my heart was broken finding myself alone on that vast meadow , taking care of a flock . Approching the twilight , I followed the flock which was descending the hill and I was upset and careful to not losing them or seeing them joining the other flock . At this moment the servant who had left me alone for a while arrived and avoided this event and led the flock to the farm .

After bringing the flock to the cowshed , tired and hungry I intended joining the family members which were gathered in front of the villa , playing , laughing and eating dinner , but suddenly I was stopped by the harsh gesture of the governess who returned me back from my way and led me toward the cabin of the servant located in a corner of the garden near the cowshed . The old servant who used to live in that cabin was rejoiced by my presence , because I could rescue him from his loneliness and also because he could use me as his errand boy .

Since the next day , carrying my little piece of bread and with a stick in my hand , alone and by my own I was leading the flock to the meadow for pasturing , as if since birth I was a sheepherd . In this way . my life began following a new path . My body and soul was withered under the charge of this responsibility , I felt that I was by nature like a free and joyful gazelle of the meadows who had fell into the trap of some playful people who enslaved me for their amusement or their need . Now instead of playing or discovering all the beauty of the nature around me ,alone and helpless , I was forced watching and taking care about cows and sheep and worrying about them . But because of the versatility of the human nature , which adapt himself with all sort of circumstances , I adapted myself with my new way of life , with the hardship and the loneliness , and so I created for myself some new distraction . I made some crowns with all the flowers I found on my way , or I was observing the innocent eyes and muzzle of the sheep and the lambs and ewes who were jumping all around or listening to the cheers and chirrups of the birds .

After two weeks of hardship and sheepherding , another trouble has been added to all my worries .

I don't believe that all of these unexpected and strange events I'm telling , all the pain and sorrow I was exposed to suffer were a sort of fate , in fact I think that till the moment that children are not yet mature and major need always care , attention and leading by the parents in order to follow the good and the right path , if not they will fall into all sort of traps and dangers and will collapse eventually . The parents who ignore their moral and parental duties and leave their weak and helpless children like some wastes or puppies to their destiny , expose them to all sort of accidents and misery worse than the one I was suffering .

I mentioned earlier that a new trouble began upsetting me more and more and this was the addition of some new and big sheep and an impressive gross cow of value which had few stain and spots on her bright and white skin . In the first hours I brought all the flock in the pasturage , I was distracted by watching the beautiful spots of the cow , but she seemed worrying about something and was stressed , and kept her distance from all the other cows , meanwhile I was attracted by the beauty of the multicolour flowers and butterflies around me and forgot the cow of value . At noon when I was hungry I took the piece of bread I had in my napkin and began eating and watching the flock pasturing quietly . Suddenly I noticed that the stained cow was missing , I left my bread and began running in all sides to find the missing cow , but useless , I tried to move up the hill where another flock was pasturing with the hope of finding that bright white cow there , I was in tears and sweat with a fast heartbeat , breathless I encountered the sheepherd of that flock who was there with his daughter , out of compassion he helped me to check almost fifty cows but the bright white cow of value was still missing . I return back to my place where my flock was there and spent all the afternoon in fear and terror and I was wondering what should I say about the loss of that cow . Finally I lead the flock to the farm in front of the big door and then they follow their way into the cowshed . I was upset because of the punishment which awaited me so I stood the whole night in front of the door crying . Before they informed me about the punishment I might suffer if any of the sheep or cow was missing or lost . Few hours passed till the moment that the old servant came at me and brought me before those women who were harassing me harshly and I didn't know what to say ... I was only seven and have never been a sheepherd and knew nothing about this work . After few minutes , they said : " this time we forgive you , because the old servent has bothered himself to find the cow , but be aware that this sort of things never happen anymore". I promised that I will be more careful the next time .

15

The next day when I lead the flock to the pasturage , I decided to observe carefully the white cow , so I wasn't supposed to ignore her least movement , but in my astonishment I noticed that the cow is still trying to keep her distance from the other cows and while pasturing was moving away softly . Upset , I followed her and with my stick I tried to returning her back in the nearby of the flock by taking her head with my little hands , but my endeavours were vain , so I decided to move the flock beside her , but before succeeding to gather all the flock in a precise place , the white cow began running fastly and entered into a wheat field and disappeared . Terrified , I threw myself into the wheat field at the pursuit of the fugitive cow but the stems of wheat were so long that they fixed me at my place without letting me to see my surrounding . At this time I heard the voice of some young boys who shouted :"take the cow , it is trampling the whole field , whose cow it is and what is it doing here ?" . I began shouting in my turn : "take the cow ! don't let it to flee !" , and tried to make a way in the field toward the voice I was hearing . The boys reached the cow and after taking it led the cow , through a narrow way , out of the field . Meanwhile I noticed a very young man , jumping out of a tractor and with an angry voice shouted :"what sort of creature is this one who trample all the wheats ?" . And me , upset and concerned exclusively by the missing cow , I continued running till the moment I found myself in front of that young man . The young man by seeing me , his anger transformed into a sudden surprise and an extreme astonishment , with a great amazement and compassion he expressed loudly :"oh my god , it's you ? what you do here ?" . I recognized automatically that young man , he was no one else apart my previous 'protector' , 'sherven'! Ashamed I told him that they confided the flock of cows and sheep to me and I became their sheepherd . Sherven has been very impressed by this new and as if he was talking to himself , he whispered many times :"how strange , my god , how strange , so it was so !"

Although the event with the missing cow disturbed and scared me till death , I felt very happy by seeing again 'sherven'. That was true that I was only a kid but I could perfectly feel and understand that my only friend and the only one with whom I could share all my sorrow and worries , the one who could be kind and compassionate like a big brother , was him . How great and what a happiness when you find someone in this world who shows an unselfish and disinterested love toward you . When 'sherven' knew the story of that white cow and its disappearance and the manner I was harrassed and treated by those women , he followed me to find and to see that cow . We searched for it everywhere , but the cow was still missing . Then 'sherven' ordered to his buddies to find by all means the lost cow. He asked about my life and the conditions under which I was living and after being informed about everything , he promised to me to help me as possible . At this time I learned that 'sheven' was the son of one of the respectable and influential people of that region , who possessed lot of properties, fields and fruit gardens , and the big flock on the neighborhood hills with the old sheepherd and his daughter belonged to 'sherven''s family . He suggested that I led my flock to the pasturage near them and I did so . Meanwhile 'sherven''s buddies returned back the cow from the middle of the way which was ended to the cowshed of the 'charitable woman' . What was surprising was that the cow never went to unknown fields or pasturages , but always followed her way toward her 'home' , the cowshed where she had left her new-born calf .

So the missing cow was found and now I felt comforted. Sherven after a kind and gentle greeting went back to his agricultural works . At noon , while I was opening my napkin to eat my piece of bread , I saw that 'sherven' 's dog came joyfully toward me taking a basket full of fruits with his teeth , put it in front of me . Sherven was thinking and was worrying about me . By realizing that I was not left absolutely by my own and that I had someone who payed attention to me in my very misery , I felt a sort of joy in the secret garden of my soul . Sherven promised that he would help me , in the middle of all my loneliness , my sorrows and helplessness , suddenly this feeling spread a sweet warmth into my heart . In these moments , under the impact of the miraculous effects of love and friendship ,by looking at everything around me and by running in all sides , I realized that I was very happy .

16

Almost two hours were spent in stillness , and the sheep were softly and quietly pasturing and I was standing under a big tree watching the limpid and deep water flowing on the bed of a stream . I was thinking that how comes that in this world where nobody cares about the poors and the miserables , there are still few people able to help and to love the weaks and the needy ones without expecting any reward , without any interest or selfishness ...

I couldn't continue my thoughts because on the other side of the stream I noticed the spread of a thick dust mixed with the bleat of sheep and all of this with the company of a sheepherd . Maybe I was lucky that I would not be alone in that vast pasturage but when the dust lightened I could recognize the sheepherd who stared at me with his eyes full of mockery . I began shuddering , how could I forget his macabre games in the orphanage when he was trying to laying me in the hole and covering me with the soil ? I was astonished and didn't know what to do , staying or fleeing . He was the same 'gorgon' with his usual attitude and look , I wondered how a mean boy like him became a sheepherd . Meanwhile he called me with a tone of mockery in his voice and said :" hey , look at you ! finally I could meet again my little friend after all these years ...you ended in sheepherding too , just like me ! but be aware about your flock because all around here there are lot of wolves and they might attack you and your flock and devour you all !..." He said that and began laughing loudly with his harsh and diabolic tone of voice and continuing his way , he left me stupefied . I was thrilling for some few minutes after his departure . But suddenly my duty 'called' me and my attention has been focused on my flock , the sheep were pasturing with their usual innocence and quietness , then I noticed that the white cow was missing again . In my disappointment I didn't know what to do , going after the missing cow and leaving the flock to its own or staying with them . Indecisive and tired I sat under a tree and was thinking about the fresh punishment which awaited me at night . Hopeless and sad I relied my head on my knees and spent the whole afternoon in distress . Suddenly I felt the muzzle of a dog on my face , awakened I recognized the german shepherd of 'sherven'. The beautiful dog was staring me with his eyes full of affection and kindness. Few moments later 'sherven' appeared , wearing his hunt cloths and his brilliant brown leather boot. Once informed about all my concerns he said :"don't worry , I will accompany you till the villa and will explain to the 'charitable woman' that watching and taking care of a rebellious cow is over of your of your capacity".

It was twilight that we reached the farm , bringing back the flock to the cowshed . The family members of the 'charitable woman' arrived at the same time at home , coming back from their daily playful distractions . The 'charitable woman' by seeing 'sherven' , welcomed him with lot of care and attention , first because 'sherven' 's family was one of the influential families of that region and then because they knew each other for some long time . That night , based on the talk between them and the discussion about the issues they were exchanged , I learned that it was this same 'sherven' who encouraged the 'charitable woman' to adopt me as her child after explaining to her all my troubles in the orphanage and the story of my life,while she was still interested in charitable works .

When it has been question about the white cow , apparently once again she returned back by her own to the cowshed , and I felt comforted by learning that the cow was not lost at all . As I said earlier , the strange behaviour of the white cow was her new born calf that has been separated from the mother in the first days of its birth , and the stained cow attracted by her new born calf , each day after running some miles , the distance between the pasturage and the cowshed , upset , she joined her 'baby' to nourishing it . The company of 'sherven' in that night spared me from being beaten and punished , and we avoided the bitterness of the 'charitable woman' . It was decided that till the maturity of the calf , the 'mother and baby' will stay together . So the charge of the stained cow of value has been removed from my shoulder .

17

Being relieved from the responsibility of the stained cow , I forgot my usual desperation and the deprivation from being with the other children and playing games with them seemed bearable . In the vast pasturage I walked freely and was running after the butterflies and the little birds and kept myself busy and distracted by them . Sometimes I encountered 'gorgon' and apparently his behaviour was changed and at least his wickedness didn't find for the moment some ground for showing itself , and this fact lightened my fear and worries at some level .

Sherven came almost each day visiting me in the field and brought me some fruits , also his german-shepherd was becoming familiar with me and usually it came alone toward me and showing its affection , playing and running after me or jumping and then standing up on his two feet , made me laugh and then taking a corner of my shirt in his teeth played with me , so he was always there to amuse and distracting me . In the evening when 'sherven' came visiting me , I gathered my flock in some place and was ready for returning back it to the farm , 'gorgon' with his big flock appeared too and was moving toward his place , he noticed 'sherven' and recognized him and shaked his hand as a sign of greeting . Seemingly his reaction in front of his old opponent was changed too , because he said respectfully :"lord 'sherven' , I wonder why I 'm so happy to meet you again , indeed we were really immature in the past for being so hostile to each other " , then he began staring 'sherven''s face to see and to test the effect of his words on him . Sherven , surprised by the unexpected change in 'gorgon''s behaviour , replied thoughtfully :"in fact all hostility and conflicts are the result of the ignorance". Then 'gorgon' satisfied by his 'smart' words added : " then you accept me as your friend , if so I'm ready to serve you as possible " , and in company of his flock , he continued his way .

18

Obviously I enjoyed some relief at this time , although I was not allowed to play with the other children freely and participating in their joyful games , I was happy that I didn't have to worry about things like in the past , so my distress was lightened

Sherven came visiting me sometimes in the evening in the cabin of the old servant . One of those nights , he asked the 'charitable woman' the permission of bringing me with him in some distraction park . He was in the company of his little brother who had the same age than me . We went to a very beautiful park which with all its old trees around seemed like a magical place commanded for our joy . Not too far , a very big pool which was rather looking like a lake reflected the lights of the colourful lamps of a luxurious restaurant . In front of the restaurant a place was designated for the orchestra and the people who were dancing and singing . When the orchestra began playing some traditional music , all the young people there were dancing and laughing joyfully . Sherven had an appointment there with his 'fiancee' , so after meeting her , he bought a big pie for me and his brother and then went joining the dancing group with his fiancee . At this moment , I felt so enthralled by the melody played by the orchestra and the sound of the joyfull young people who were dancing , that I forgot all my troubles and desperation .

......

Me and 'sherven' 's brother , we were eating our pie . Not too far from us , a very beautiful blonde girl who attracted the attention of everyone was sat on a bench beside of a young man with a very distinctive look and manner , they looked to each other with such a fascination that as if they had found each other after a very long and hard separation and now they were supposed to be together forever and achieve their dreams of happiness . I learned that they were 'fiances' and will marry very soon . It was the first time that I was seeing the beautiful girl , but the young man was not unknown to me . He was one of the person who accompanied the dignitary personality who came visiting our orphanage after that period of desolation . He had finished his studies in medicine and because of the war and the social troublesome he has been appointed to serve and work in the military hospital . He adored his duty as a medical doctor and as a researcher , so now he was ready to think about his marriage and preparing his wedding ceremony . The young doctor was called 'dr.pagra' and I had already heard his name in some assemblies or gatherings . He was well-known for his charitable and humanitarian works . Despite of his young age he had published some articles about the new and effective ways of curing some chronic illnesses , which have been noticed with great consideration and provided for 'dr.pagra' fame and popularity . Also , from the discussion they had I learned that he was working on some projects about organ transplant which was very new and strange on those days .

This encounter and the discussion exchanged between those two young people that night ,left an impact on me that I could never forget it not because that was interesting in itself but because of the bends of the destiny and because of what happened to them later .

I could see the moonlight in between the trees of that park and the sound of a soft music were so enthralling for my soul that I forgot completely my misery and loneliness and all the troubles of my sheepherding...

19

Days, weeks and months were spending and I was still busy with my sheepherding work and I did it as good as possible . Now I was seven and I could understand everything perfectly . People were always talking about social unrest and the chaotic circumstances caused by a civil war . I knew actually that I was born in between of a worldwide war and I grew up in a desolated surrounding where we only heard about conflicts, armed attacks , unrest and troubles . Even our countryside location was not spared and we always heard the awesome and terrifying sound of cannons and the successive burst of bombs which shaken the house and all of us . Also our little town has became the prey of the flames and was burning in fire because of the hostiles armed groups in conflict . The city was governed sometimes by this and another times by that rival forces .

I remember very well all these hostilities and conflicts but what I couldn't understand was the reason of that , the reason for destroying or burning all fields and farms or the buildings in the cities and killing each other . Meanwhile what seemed to me even more horrible than this sort of open war , was all the personal and private settlement of accounts which was current in that time , in this sort of conflicts , no bomb and no cannon were used , but silently it caused the ruin and destruction of lot of families and population ; for unknown reason , we heard the disappearance or death of some landlords or ordinary people , the burning of some farms and fields , the immergence of lot of lands under the water of the streams or rivers which have been deviated toward these lands , the beautiful gardens became suddenly a desolated ruin , the girls and women were raped , the money and the properties were stolen , slandering each other was usual and all these private and personal hatred , resentments and grudges were much more devastating than the fire of the cannons and the bombs .

If the wars between nations had some 'credible' reasons for protecting the territorial integrity and the security of the country or as a defensive reaction , there were also another sort of 'silent' hostilities and hatred between the people and the personal settlement of accounts which have impressed me deeply , because for this sort of crimes I couldn't have any logical explanation apart deducing that the selfishness , jealousy and insanity inserted in human nature were the cause of these deadly consequences . I was witness of the human insanity very closely and my personal experience is the tale of the cruelty which has been inflicted to me and hurt me forever as a victim.

As I said earlier I was still occupied by my work of sheeperding and time to time I encountered 'gorgon' who was sheepherding too , while pasturing his flock , he behaved quite politely with me , so as a child I began trusting him and forgetting his previous wickedness . Each time he shared his rye bread with me and after getting some milk from a goat , we soaked our bread into the milk and ate it with great appetit . Because of the shortage of food in that period of civil war , this milk and bread was a sort of luxuriant meal for me . One afternoon , at our sheeperding sheet , 'gorgon' beside of the milk and bread , offered to me a small packet of dried grappes . I ate all of this with delight and 'gorgon' was playing his flute with a sort of nonchalence , meanwhile I felt thirsty , taking my little vessel I intended going to some spring in the surrounding . Gorgon told me that there was a stream around that he will show me the way , so he proposed me to follow him . I noticed a change in his look and I began suspecting his intention , but although I was scaring , I didn't dare to disobey because I was fearing his anger and his violent reaction , so I followed him . After traversing some cliffs ,trampling stones and soil and descending the hill , we arrived to a limpid stream which was flowing peacefully , all around the stream the leaves of the old trees were shaken by a soft breeze . Gorgon's look became more and more wild and it reminded me his previous cruelty and wickedness , in between of my hesitation and fears , the german-shepherd of 'sherven' reached me and began barking . In a wink , 'gorgon' lifted me with his harsh hands and put me down near the stream which was two meters below the land , 'sherven''s dog followed me too , I was so thirsty that I start drinking stream s water just like the thirsty animals and then I raised my head up from the water for some breath and I noticed that 'gorgon' looked like a criminal who is enjoying the weakness and the helplessness of his victim . Paralyzed I was fixed at my place and I just realized that I was lost , he took me in his hands and wanted to estrangulating me , in a second I gathered all my forces and screamed with such a voice that a seven years kid is able to produce , this reaction surprised 'gorgon' , so he took a knife and put it on my throat and full of anger he whispered at my ear :"if you scream , I will cut your head". By seeing the bright knife and by hearing this 'silent' threat , I was about to lose consciousness and falling away because of the shock of this terror , suddenly 'sherven' s dog roaring jumped at 'gorgon's shoulder and attacked him many times , then tried to keep 'gorgon's foot in its teeth and pull him back , but 'gorgon' in his fury shot the dog with his foot and threw it back . This time the dog attacked 'gorgon' s neck with his teeth , 'gorgon' out of himself left me and took his sheepherding stick and beat the dog so strongly on its head that the poor animal fell away in a pityful complaining voice and tried to reach the top of the hill , meanwhile I took the time to moving up toward the top of the hill , but before reaching it ,'gorgon' in his ardent craziness reached me and kept my foot and pulled me so harshly and so cruelly down of the hill that my face , hand and arm were injured by the harsh contact with all the sands and stones of the hill and the blood began flowing from all these parts of my body . My state of mind and my situation on that moment was too pathetic . My heart was beating like a head cut chicken and was about to getting out of my throat , 'gorgon' took my neck in his hands and was pushing it in his fury and I was moving vainly hands and feet and was waiting to be slain by his knife and being slaughtered like a defenseless animal . Suddenly I heard the sound of the fall of a heavy thing . In a wink I noticed the boots of 'sherven' who was standing there like an angry lion . Gorgon , just like an upset and coward wolf left me behind and was preparing himself for a bloody and deadly battle . Sherven's face was red out of anger and resentment and while thrilling he shouted :" you again ! mean bastard !" and before finishing his cuss attacked 'gorgon' on his face , 'gorgon' with his knife in hand and in a defensive posture , threated 'sherven' that he will kill him and rushed on him , but 'sherven' with address and a clever move avoided that rushing and skillfully took 'gorgon''s fist and twisted it so strongly that the knife fell away on the ground . Sherven threw away the knife as far as possible and it seemed that he didn't want to harm a defeated opponent , so he stood up and moved a step back and was ready to continue the fight , the dog was upset and barking non-stop and attacking 'gorgon' , 'sherven' shouting runned away the dog , meanwhile 'gorgon' taking quickly his sheepherding stick in his hands and raising it above his head with a furious gesture struck with all the strenght of his hands on 'sherven''s neck . For few seconds , 'sherven' remained immobile and dizzy , but very soon he came back to the reality and took the stick still in his opponent hands , twisted it and threw it in the stream , meanwhile 'gorgon' hit 'sherven' s face with two or three punches , 'sherven' a bit dizzy didn't move too much but the two opponents were still fighting , in a second , 'sherven' empowered by a sudden anger pushed away 'gorgon' and then skillfully struck 'gorgon''s chin , this time 'gorgon' fell away , defeated , he remained powerless on the ground . Meanwhile , some cheerings were heard from the top of the hill and then we noticed few people who admired 'sherven''s courage and bravery by clapping in their hands . One of them was 'sherven''s father who cheered up his son . At this time , some people tried to awaking 'gorgon' from his apathy by pooring water on his face and then helped him to standing up , this one, humiliated and pathetic moved away and disappeared from our sight . Sherven , looking at me , by a sign , made me understand that I should gather my flock and leaving that place as soon as possible . One of the witnesses there, cheered 'sherven' in his turn and thanked him for having got rid that region from a wicked creature like 'gorgon' and added that no one was in safety because of all his wickedness .

I was still thrilling under the effect of the violent and criminal attacks I was victim of , and the prospect of my eventual death and slaughtering by a crazy murderer like 'gorgon' . Weak , dizzy and apathetic I followed , along with my flock ,the way of the farm . At home everyone was surprised by seeing me in such a pityful state : torn cloths , face and body in blood and my soulless look and eyes . But I couldn't say a word to whomever about all the things which happened to me and the violent fight I was witness of. How could I express any complain or showing my helplessness and misery to all those people who were totally indifferent about my life and destiny , I couldn't share my sorrow and heartbreaking pain and suffering with the ones who had not any compassion toward me , moreover no complain could change the process of my way of life and my destiny . So , since my childhood I learned to keep all my suffering for myself and never complain about anything concerning my life , because I knew that it would be useless , for nobody cares about a weak and miserable creature who had no benefit for someone and was always a charge for all the others , without being useful and considerable .

20

Among those few people who knew me and were informed about the details of the story of my life , the only one who had always showed disinterested kindness and compassion and was ready to defend and to protect me by all means was 'sherven'. He was not a relative of mine , neither a boy of my age who exposed himself to the danger with devotion and ready to sacrifice himself for me , I had no benefit for him and he wouldn't gain anything by his devotional reaction and behaviour , he was just a young man with a noble nature and character , always in the side of the justice and ready to defend the cause and the rights of all oppressed humans and to help them without expecting any reward or acknowledgment . This sort of humans are just like some rare pearls in the deep ocean of the humanity , while the others are busy to take advantage over the poors and the miserable ones and to satisfy their greedy mind by gathering wealth and becoming powerful in order to rule and to oppress the weaker ones , and so they think that have achieved their 'happiness' and they are the 'winners' and consider all the others 'the losers'.

At the same night of that horrible afternoon during which I could be murdered and has been saved by 'miracle' , I fell sick and couldn't go back to my usual sheepherding work the next day . I was in a sort of coma caused by fever so I didn't keep a clear remembrance of all the days I spent in bed in the cabin of the old servant , but I know that they changed my place and laid me on the damp barn which communicated with the cowshed of the sheep . Someday when I felt a little better I could sit near a broken small window of the barn and watching the outdoor . From there I could see the villa and the terrace where the children and the family members of the 'charitable woman' in company of some guests were enjoying their afternoon tea time , sat comfortably on the white garden seats , tasting different sort of cakes and pies , jams and all sort of fruits on the table . The children were playing and laughing loudly and I could hear their voice rejoicing the games they were playing and also the voice of the 'charitable woman' who was complaining about the lack of appetit of her children and the guests in their turn were complaining about the anorexia of their own children . But they ignored my starving state , my great need to taste just a bit of those chocolates, jams, cakes and fruits drew up abundantly on that table . In those days no one apart that old servant came visiting me , he was worrying about me just because he wanted that I got over of my illness in order he could use me as a help for himself . No one cared about me and nobody in that family asked about the cause of my illness , I was just a useless object for them , even lesser than the animals of the flock . At this moment I remembered the face of 'sherven' all in blood who fought a dangerous criminal and exposed himself to the deadly knife of his rival just for protecting me from the danger and saving me .

I gazed the gate of the villa which was built with long iron rods through which I could see the people who were moving or the vehicles which were passing . The villa had two gates , one in the middle of the garden in front of the way which ended to the house and another at the end of the garden for the passage of the cars and the flock which led to the barn and the cowshed . Meanwhile the roaring of a horse in the nearby surprised me , few seconds later the figure of two horse riders appeared in front of the iron rods gate and stopped there . The ringing bell attracted the servants to the gate and the children fascinated by the horses run toward those riders who asked the permission of entering . All the family members were gathered in front of the gate to welcome those gorgeous horse riders who were descending their mount .These riders were no ones apart 'sherven' in company of his beautiful fiancee . Everyone welcomed them with enthusiasm and admired their impressive look and the 'charitable woman' invited them warmly to enter . Sherven after responding politely to all the enthusiastic greetings asked her the permission of visiting me . The whole audience remained speechless out of surprise and astonishment , they couldn't realize the subject of the interest and attention of 'sherven', a noble landlord, for a miserable and unworthy creature like me . A minute later 'sherven' came at the barn where I was located and expressed his affection and kindness by comforting me and offered a box of cookies to me . Astound , I was so touched by this kind and compassionate visit that I began crying non-stop for some minutes in a way that I couldn't say a word . Sherven removed my tears with his scarf and comforted me by saying that everything would be okay since then . His fiancee who was the girl I met before in the attraction park looked very beautiful and was gentle like an angel , she took me in her arms and brought me out of that barn and we sat on a bench under the trees and after consoling me she offered to me an amazing toy , a brilliant and colourful car for kids . I couldn't believe my eyes , having such a car that I had already seen the similar ones in the hands of the rich kids with sigh and deprivation, was a dream for me . It was as if they have offered to me the whole world and under this impression I forgot all my misery and I felt myself very happy . Meanwhile all the guests of the 'charitable woman' and all her family members were gathered around us . The young women around looked with envy to this couple and the others were astonished by the unconventional friendship between them and me and could not realize the nature of our relationship . At this time the 'charitable woman' joined these two young people and invited them with insistence to join her at the dinner table . Sherven refused politely this invitation and postponed it to another time . This strange visit impressed them all . The 'charitable woman' begun telling the story of all her devotions during all those years and thanked 'sherven' for his visit , at the end , as if she remembered something asked him , by showing me , if he had any familial relationship with me , or if he knew my parents . Sherven , surprised by all these successive questions shaked his head and with a meaningful smile and a soft tone of voice replied :" no madam , I'm not one of his relatives , neither I know his father or his mother , I only know my own conscience and my principles and by following them I express compassion and kindness toward this child ". These words were pronounced by such an impressive tone that the 'charitable woman' remained astound and speechless for few seconds and as if they had touched the deepest veiled corner of her conscience , and had shocked her , she seemed embarrassed . I was following the effect of 'sherven' 's words on the 'charitable woman' and I noticed an obvious change in her eyes and the expression of her face , suddenly she looked at me with the same affection and kindness which was not unfamiliar to me when I met her for the first time in the orphanage , then with a voice full of emotion said to 'sherven' :" in fact , your sense of charity toward helpless people is considerable , I really admire your unselfishness and humanity" , then she accompanied the two young people till the iron rods gate . Meanwhile I felt so happy by this discussion between them and was enthralled that I run after them with the car I got as a gift in my hand . Sherven in reply to the gratefullness ot the 'charitable woman' who was 'praising' his humanity and his sense of compassion , said :" no magnanimous madam , in the contrary we should be grateful toward you who take care of an orphan child in this troubled times of social crisis and shortage of foods , in comparison with all the mean people who had forgotten their conscience in such a way that not only they ignore this sort of helpless people but instead they take advantage over the misery of this ones and they torture and abuse them , in fact , your behaviour toward this child is considered a holy deed ...." . The 'charitable woman' who was a sensible woman by nature was so impressed by the words of 'sherven' that she expressed with emotion :" only god knows that , no one understand all the good things I do , instead people are always criticising our least weakness and ignoring their own sins , never acknowledge all the troubles I get through to protecting and caring about the poor and the miserable ones , and considering my acts as 'holy' will never pass their mind , the attention you payed to this subject impresses me too much and warms my heart that I feel optimistic about everything"... Sherven who was thinking about this talk with a philosophical air , added :" madam , the genuine charity and compassion is not something to be noticed by the others at the moment you 're doing that , charity is mostly ignored by people , they are too busy with their own selfishness and greeds to acknowledge your charitable deeds , if the 'providence' has offered to you all the things necessary for your happiness , it never claims any gratitude or acknowledgment , but what we can do instead is to help the miserable ones who are in need , I don't see in fact what you are expecting in exchange of all your good deeds while you already have beautiful and healthy children , lot of properties and wealth and all the reasons for your happiness , you can only be grateful for all of this which is not given to everyone of us " . Sherven and his fiancee were urged to leave , so the 'charitable woman' accompanied them till their mounts and in her astonishment she was looking them moving away and disappearing from our sight . Then as if suddenly she had remembered something, she turned her face full of kindness toward me and took me in her arms and began crying and with a trembling voice she said to me :" oh my poor little child , how sinful I am and how negligent and careless I was toward you , please forgive me my little child , just forgive me " , and while she was pressing me in her arms she was crying like a spring and her tears were poured on my skinny and injured face . At this moment , those drops of tears she cast for me , a miserable orphan kid , were more valuable than the priceless and rare pearls , because they were the witness of the awakened conscience of the 'charitable woman' ...

21

Since the next day my life took a better 'texture' . The 'charitable woman' provieded for me very beautiful cloths and I was allowed to share their family table and eating in the company of all of them and playing games with the children and having good time . I didn't go for the sheepherding anymore, so the sheep and cows of my flock have been entrusted to a young sheepherd to whom most of the families in the surrounding entrusted their flock for the pasturing . Each morning he came taking the flock with him and in the afternoon he returned them back to the barn . I spent joyfully almost twenty days of that late summer , the weather was becoming a bit cold , that was the arrival of the fall .

One of those days , before noon , we saw the young sheephered upset , returning back the whole flock to the barn . The 'charitable woman' in a great surprise and disturbance asked him why he returned back the hungry flock to the farm . The young sheepherd , breathbroken and anxious replied :" you should be grateful that you didn't lost any animal of your flock and you have them save and unharmed , because today it happened something bad in the nearby of my flock , thank god that your flock hadn't become the victim of this fatal event. One hour before I was carelessly pasturing my flock that suddenly I've been surprised by the screech of someone who asked for help . We were few people there and we speeded up to the side we were hearing the voice . Then we saw a sheepherd who was beating himself on his head and face and told us that all over behind the hill some armed thieves were stalking with some trucks and in a wink they rushed to him and after tying his hands and feet they put the whole flock in the trucks and disappeared toward the frontiers of the neighborhood country , he added that he could save himself with great effort. He was really in a pathetic situation , I wonder what explanation he would put together for the owners of the flock , the poor guy began his sheepherding just this year and he looked a 'brave' guy , seemingly his name was 'gorgon', we were few sheepherds there and we were so scared of this event that we returned back the flocks to their owners , because in these days, the social unrest is very troublesome and the armed thieves are everywhere watching and taking the opportunity to attack boldly and carelessly all the defenseless people , pillaging their property and killing them , even these few policemen in the surrounding aren't able to face them and getting rid of them " .

By hearing the name of 'gorgon' and all this story about the disappearance of the flock and the attack of the thieves , I began pondering about this fake tale and I asked myself why the thieves didn't bring 'gorgon' with themselves . The bad news that the young sheepherd brought to us was a part of the reality of the critical situation and the unsecurity which was ruling over cities and countrysides and increased the spread of fear and the terror among people . All the owners of villas in the countryside decided to move back to the town and settle in their winter houses . That's what we did too .

It took few days to gather all the furnitures and the things in the villa and beeing ready for the departure . Personally I felt very sorry to leave that beautiful garden full of all sort of trees and especially and most of all my new-found joy , relief and happiness . Only one thing comforted me a bit and that was the promise of the 'charitable woman' to send me to school once settled in the city . The day before our departure I went visiting 'sherven' and to say him goodbye . Like always he was busy with the agricultural works to help his father . Once he saw me , he came joyfully to me and welcomed me , and when he has been informed about our moving to the town , he told me that they will do the same and will leave the countryside for the town very soon , beside he was very happy by learning that my situation was changed and I enjoyed a better life , then he added that he will continue his studies in the city and he would be very busy there . So he led me toward his father and introduced me to him by praising all my learning talents , my sensitiveness and intelligence . His father was busy talking to the manager of the agricultural works and the things concerning the flock and was giving him some advices . I noticed the presence of that old sheepherd who was always around the pasturage with his daughter. Sherven's father asked him if he had some news about the flock of 'gorgon' and the result of the investigation of the gendarms . The old sheepherd sounded very suspicious about the claim of gorgon based on the sudden attack of the armed thieves , their escape and the disappearance of the flock . "All the people around talk about the improbability of such an attack because in the place 'gorgon' refered to , there is not any pasturage for bringing the flock there and this was unprecedented and it was too far from the usual pasturage of 'gorgon' . On the other hand , it seemed that 'gorgon' s way of life has changed completely after that attack , he wear very elegant cloths , shoes and boots and it has been rumoured that he has equiped himself with some guns and gathered some buddies . Now some of the flock owners ask themselves how an ordinary sheepherd with his very small income could allow himself such expenses , maybe he was collaborating with the pirates ". The old sheepherd after saying all of this , smoking his pipe , moved away . Sherven and his father were thinking about this tale , then after a while 'sherven' came at me and after expressing farewell , promised that he will come visiting me once in the town .

22

Early in the morning we moved toward the winter house in the town . We were few families who intended returning back to the town , so all the furnitures and necessary things have been placed in two wagons and we were escorted by a gendarmery car . The ways and the roads were very unsafe and the'pirates' and 'armed hooligans' were stalking in all corners .

At noon we arrived to the town , I was surprised by the cemetery silence which reigned over there, a city which was usually full of crowd and uninterrupted sounds of all sort of activities, a city whose markets were always full of customers moving in all directions , whose factories never stopped its alert hoots for the workers and the car trafic recalled an alive city . And now the city was quiet, sad and extinguished . The markets were closed , the people around depressed , upset and in famine because of the dearth and scarcity of foods everywhere , all of this has created a very disturbing and stressful circumstances . Four years of worldwide war had already exhausted and exasperated the population , not yet getting over of that they became the prey of the civil war . The armed groups formed against the governmental forces extended the dimensions of the chaotic situation . The valleys and the hills in the western part of the city were the scenery of a very heavy fight . The sound of the canons and the burst of bombs were heard everywhere and this conflict reached its summit in the two last nights . As it is usual in such conditions and during longlasting wars , some groups among the population find the opportunity to give a free course to all their tameless fantasies and their wildest desires to destroy the foundation of the society and to exhaust it from the inside . This sort of people taking advantage of the social disorder getting all sort of guns ,occupy themselves with all sort of evil doings , attacking people and the houses , even killing them and pillaging their properties and goods and proceeding armed robberies . These people have an insatiable nature for all sort of advantures and they can satisfy themselves just by creating an unsecure and disturbing state of things to take advantage of that . So our city was not an exception and wasn't spared from the presence of this sort of advanturer armed groups who with the cars they provided for themselves attacked the houses , robbed everything , raped the girls and women and killed the household , and sometimes they were involved in severe armed fights with the governmental forces . These people in such circumstances feel themselves free of any responsibility in front of anyone and spared by any sanction and punishment acted as they like and followed their lowest instincts because no one could controll them or forbid them of all the evil-doings. Sometimes the wicked ones , just because of some resentment against their neighbors or out of jealousy , finding the situation propitious , they took revenge over their past frustrations or offenses , attacked their neighbors house , firing it , raped the women and children and so they were feeling satisfied.In such a circumstances , even a powerful police woudn't be able to involve itself in the details of the private life of the families or the neighborhood in all districts of all cities and prevents the committment of this sort of atrocities and crimes which will leave such an impact and traumatism on the individuals throughout all their life , even more horrible than the effects of the traumatism left during an open and 'official' war .

Once we arrived to the house , the guard of the house expressed his joy for our arrival at time because of the troubles around, he was grateful that he had not to face the armed pirates alone and eventually to be killed , also he told us that not a single night was spent peacefully because each night some of the houses of the neighborhood were attacked and pillaged . Our settlement in the winter house of the 'charitable woman' began with a great sense of terror and fear . The awesome garden in front of the building seemed more and more scarey because in each corner of it many evil-doers could be hidden and this increased our terror .

That night , the whole household remained awake and no one could sleep out of anxiety and stress . The successive terrible sound of the burst of canons and gunmachines broke the silence and the passing bursting shot of bullets increased our fear and terror , all of us were expecting some attacks the whole night , but fortunately nothing bad happened . The next night the situation worsened and the forces of the rebels broke the first defensive lines of governmental forces and approched the limits of our city which was in the summit of its disturbing and chaotic state . The famine reigned on the city and a piece of bread or meat was found with an outrageous price . The situation was indescribable and very strange , the whole society was like a car without any driver , which was following automatically and dangerously a dreadful and fatal way which would end in an horrible crash in an unavoidable abyss . The most habitants of the city were equiped with all sort of guns to defend and to protect their life, honnour and property . The household of the 'charitable woman' followed the same rule and because some of the friends and relatives of the late husband of the 'charitable woman' were gathered in the house to protect her family , everyone even the servants were equiped with some guns . The 'charitable woman' because of her wealth was a possible prey for all the pirates and armed thieves , and her house a favourable place for the pillage . By the advice of one of the relatives of the 'charitable woman' , some of the bold and fearless gunmen of the neighborhood were hired to protect the house and the household of the 'charitable woman' . They were mostly some idle adventurers who accepted eagerly this occupation because of the pay and also because they were fearless and by nature were seeking for fight just for their amusement .

Only few days after our settlement in the city, a group of four men entered the house as guests , they have been invited to have lunch with the family and all friends of the 'charitable woman'. At the moment I was a bit afraid by their look and couldn't understand for what purpose they have been invited . On those days the tales of all sort of atrocities and crimes committed all around were so spread and I had heard too many of those stories that by seeing those men who looked so harsh and so unkind wearing strange clothes and around their waist a train of bullets and some guns I was really impressed and at the first glance I thought that they were coming to kill all of us and pillaging the whole house . But when I noticed the warm greetings of the 'charitable woman' and her cheerful face , I felt comforted . At the table , they began telling the stories of their boldness , bravery and successes in confronting all the armed agitators and thieves and they promised to their host that till the moment they are watching over everything in the house , and having all under their control , even the most dangerous groups of pirates and gangsters would never dare approching the house .

In fact they were right , because during all the time and all the nights that they were settled there , nothing bad happened to us . Meanwhile , some of the relatives and neighbors of the 'charitable woman' , especially the ones who had young girls or children in their household came joining us and spending the night peacefully . Usually a danger which become a common threat , creates a sort of solidarity during which people forget all their selfishness , jealousy and all the previous conflicts and criticism and become close to each other to escape the danger and to protect themselves . So it was on all those nights , everyone , kids and the elderly , men or women , poor and wealthy forgot momentarly the differences and also because all of the leisure places were closed , they enjoyed the assembly and spent time by playing games , telling jokes , laughing , singing and dancing . Sometimes the voice of this noisy assembly was heard even outdoor and the guards with all their bravery stories and their loud boasting air , their dispute over the most brave among them , increased the noise and the warmth of these 'partylike assembly' and gathering .

The guards spent the whole day outside , busy with their personal and private occupations and were gathered in the house of the 'charitable woman' just for spending the night. They have been located in the southern part of the garden in some big lounge which was previously designated for the stay of the servants , its window looked to the garden and when they were laughing loudly or boasting about their braveries , they made such a noise that every passer-by in the street could hear them and noticing their presence , a fact which guaranted our safety . Anyway these guards had their peculiar and temperament especial to each one . They were all young and healthy with impressive stature who looked like 'giants' to me who was a frail and skinny boy of seven . They all had boxer and fighter shape and their natural boldness increased their impressive look . Given their natural boldness, the force of their young ages and their health , they couldn't remain calm and quiet or idle , so they spent the whole night playing card games or telling 'heroic' stories in which they played the role of the 'hero' . Sometimes they were so exagerating their force , courage and bravery that they provoked the protestation or the refusal of some other 'fighters' and this dispute over the authenticity of the boast about the force of their bravery and boldness ended in an open ' fight' and boxing among them . Meanwhile , the household , attracted by all the noises of the fighting scene , joined the lounge of the guards and were enjoying the spectacle , obviously I was following the family and joined them to watch the spectacle of that fight between two of the boldest guards which lasted almost half an hour , it was really exciting and the audience appreciated this spectacle , and applausing the winner , they were laughing and expressing cheerful feelings , then the 'charitable woman' , impressed by this spectacular 'fight' invited all of them to some beverage .

After the scattering of the household and the family members of the 'charitable woman', I remained there because I was fascinated by the impressive stature of those men and the train of their bullets around their waist and also all the guns they were bearing . One of them who was the boldest and the tallest and was supposed to be their chief , took the new revolver he had provided, from its holster and showed it to all people present there at that moment . Apparently that revolver was the newest model that no one has seen a similar one until then , because all were astonished by its brilliance and its shape . The owner of that gun was describing the assets of it , its solidity , the easiness of its targetting and so and so . In fact , that gun was bigger and heavier than the other ones , the small bullets were easily sitting in its 'tank' and its shootting was automatic . Eveyone touched and tested the gun with a sort of admiration , of course without pushing the detonator because of the recommandation of the owner of that gun .

One of the men of that audience who was sitting on a chair in front of the table and was wearing a furred black hat asked the owner of the gun to let him examinating carefully that revolver . The owner of the gun vacated it from all the bullets and put them on the bed beside him and gave the empty gun to that man and taught him the methods of using this sort of gun . I was watching with astonishement to those tall and bold men who were discussing about the methods of using this sort of new guns . I had almost few steps distance with the table behind it the man wearing a black furred hat was sitting and behind me , in a corner of the room another bed was located on which another man was laying and was watching the spectacle of the virtual targetting of that tester , but he couldn't remain quiet and worrying about an eventual accident warned the tester to not pushing the detonator . The owner of the gun assured that he had vacated the gun from all its bullets. The man with a black furred hat who seemed a bit ignorant to me with his very thick moustache and eyebrow, was boasting about his skills in handling all sort of guns and was looking for a target to test the empty gun and was playing with the gun taking all sort of gestures . Suddenly as if he has already found what he was searching for , began laughing like a fool , showing his yellow teeth and said :" the rounded forehead of this kid is ideal for targetting ", after pronouncing these words , without any hesitation , targetted me . Astound and paralysed , the only thing I could do was contracting my eyes , my neck and head . The sound of a terrifying burst and the lightening coming out from the canon of the ten bullet revolver fixed everyone at their place for some moments , and me , the victim of this accident , out of terror I began crying and put my hands on my head which was burning and was in blood . Suddenly everyone rushed forward, took me and began examinating my wound . The bullet had wounded the skin of my head which was bleeding , and for few moments all of them , shocked by this unexpected incident , didn't know what to do or what to say . They were looking astonishingly to me who had escaped a definitive death , and then were looking to that tester who was swearing that he ignored that there was a bullet in the gun . The owner of the gun who was so surprised that with a trembling voice swore that he ignored completly that a bullet was hidden in the gun , explaining that this is not unusual with this sort of gun that sometimes a bullet is blocked and hidden in the 'chamber' and we think that the gun is vacated of all its bullets . One of the men took me in his arms out of compassion and said :"oh my god , it would be a tragedy if such a good little boy was killed in this stupid accident", then he began disinfecting my wound and banding it and made me sit beside himself . Then all of them noticed the direction the bullet was followed . The bullet after wounding my head , overpassed the shoulder of the man who was laying on the bed behind me and was sticked in the wall . Eveyone was enthralled and enjoyed that no one among the audience was killed during this amazing and unexpected incident . Then each one began telling some stories about similar accidents . But the man with the black furred hat was insisting on his astonishment about his missing target and repeated many times that he was exactly targetted my front , as if he was regretting why I wasn't touched or killed , and was amazed by my luck . The man who was laying on the bed and apparently was a hired officer of the army began laughing out of loud and said :" no wonder if you missed your target because you are not familiar with the skills of targetting and shooting, in such circumstances you should always fix the goal point a bit lower than your real target because the bullet tendency is always upward ". The tester shooter became suddenly red out of anger because of the explanation of that hired officer and taking the posture of a bold and fearless fighter , said with his harsh voice :" what is the meaning of all these nonsense talkings ? do you take me for a silly kid ? till this moment I killed lot of people and now you say that I'm unable handling a gun or targetting and shooting ?" , the hired officer smiling replied :" I don't say that you are a kid or unable to kill people , but you should know that killing people has nothing to do with the skill of fixing a goal , targetting and shooting ". At this moment this same hired officer took his gun and with a sign suggested that one of the audience throw an apple up in the air , someone with a fast move threw an apple in the air , the hired officer with a faster move shooted and in a wink the apple was crashed in the air and its innumerable tiny pieces were scattered all around the room . Everyone was looking with amazement to that skillful shooter and began praising and admiring him . But the amateur shooter was insisting on all his shooting skills and was so angry and swearing with such a loud voice that he was ready to attack the hired officer and to fight him . Meanwhile , the household awakened by the sound of the firing and all of that noises, came at the room where the accident was occured and tried to reconciliate the two opponents . That night passed by and once again I escaped a certain death , or because of the clumsiness of that awkward shooter , or because of some unknow reason .

23

Anyway , those bold fighters or rather our 'body-guards', with all sort of character each one had , their presence and their care about the household of the 'charitable woman' guaranteed our safety and security in all those troubled and chaotic circumstances which reigned over the whole society and we could at least spending peaceful nights. Indeed human nature is very complex and very strange , sometimes when the hardest conditions and the most horrible events last long , they become a routine and a usual way of life and everything in those conditions seem so natural and ordinary and so familiar that the least change in this routine would surprise the people . So we learned to become familiar with the new conditions created by the civil war which has began since few months ago and we considered that as an ordinary way of our daily life . No one was afraid anymore by the sound of bursting bombs , mortars , gunmachines or canons , we were used to live with it , neither the dearth , famine and the shortage of all necessary items for life surprised us , so progressively the businessmen began handling their occupation , the markets were opened carefully and some stores always aware , offered their services and the schools and universities retook their activities cautiously .

As the 'charitable woman' promised to send me to the school , I began going to my first class in the school located in our neighborhood , the same school her own children were sent . Usually in the morning I went to the school in company of the children of the 'charitable woman' and sometimes I returned back to home with the company of one of the servants of the house . Some other days , my protector 'sherven' who used to go to his university for continuing his studies, came visiting me in the school and recommended me to the director and all the teachers of the primary school. At the school , everyone was attracted by the good look of 'sherven' and all respected him and considered him my cousin . Someday , at noon , 'sherven' came to my school and after offering to me some notebooks and a painting book , invited me to his home for lunch , so we walked together all the way until we arrived at his family house . His fiancee was there too , awaiting for him , along with his parents . The ones who have experienced during the longlasting wars , the hardship of the life , the scourge of the famine , know very well what is the value of a piece of bread , meat or a single potatoe . If I mention here that invitation for lunch is to recall this fact that on those days , even some parents avoided giving a piece of bread to their own children and preserved that for some other hardest days in order to live longer some more days . So the lunch table at 'sherven''s home and his invitation was even more significant to me , even more important than a delicious dish I could eat there , because it was the sign of a generous person who considered me as a member of his own family by expressing lot of kindness and care , introducing me into his family as if I was his old and dearest friend , without expecting something in return , all of this was more precious than a delicious dish to me , the generosity of 'sherven' and his family , their unconditional and unselfish love they expressed toward me enthralled me in such a way that I forgot eating and forgot all of those meals on the table , since my childhood what I was searching for the whole my life was kindness , love and truth , the most beautiful principles in the world .

Anyway , after the lunch , 'sherven' ,suddenly ,as if he remembered some duty he was responsible of , went changing his clothes , instead of his university clothes , he put on a grey military uniform and born a new model of revolver whose holster belt was fixed on his shoulder . Sherven in this uniform looked like a brave army commander , but his fiancee was not in agreement with him because she was afraid of the happening of some bad accident in those chaotic social circumstances and she was worrying about his endeavour of involving himself in these critical days in some voluntary paramilitary actions against the agitators , the pirates and all sort of armed groups of evil-doers . In fact his duty was dangerous , because he joined the young guards army as a voluntary , designated by the municipality to assure the security of the city and its population against the the groups of agitators and thieves who were attacking , pillaging and killing defenseless and innocent people . Apparently , 'sherven' was nominated as the chief of that young guards army . Although he was a student in the engineering university , he was proud to serve the society by assuring the security of its population , indeed he had such an heroical soul that he was ready to sacrifice himself for the cause of the discriminated people , the poors , the helpless and the oppressed ones against all sort of injustice and this was considered a reward for him without expecting something more . Sherven after greeting kindly his parents and fiancee , gave me a box of colour pencils , kissed me and went out . I remained there , occupying myself with the painting books and the colour pencils the whole afternoon , then after thanked 'sherven' 's mother , I expressed my farewell to the whole family and left them before the twilight in the direction of the house of the 'charitable woman' .

The house of the 'charitable woman' was located in the northern part of the same street , so I could walk this way by my own . While I was keeping joyfully the gifts of 'sherven' in my hands and walking cheerfully toward the home , I noticed a guy of almost eighteen relying with a sort of nonchalance to some door and was looking at me with his eyes full of wickedness . There are always in all circumstances , during wars , social unrest or even at peaceful times , some mean , wicked or 'diabolic' people stalking for an opportunity to mistreat , to mock , to attack ,to rob or even to kill the others to satisfy their lowest instincts , or to nurture the beast hidden in their nature . The guy like a wild animal or rather like a demon jumped beside me and with his harsh voice screamed :" hey , miserable creature , where are you going in such a hurry ? don't move if not I will cut your head with this knife!" . Terryfied by this sudden and crazy threat , I left falling all the gifts I had in my hands , shouted and cried out of fear and moved away . By my shout and crying a young girl appeared in front of one of the doors , took me in her arms and began scolding the wicked guy and then gathered all the gifts fell on the ground and gave them all to me , she brought me near the door of her home . At this moment , her mother after hearing all the noises and learning what happened gave me a glass of water to comfort me . The young girl and her mother were looking at me with lot of kindness , when the girl was caressing my head and looking carefully at my face told to her mother :" oh my god , what a cute child ! mama , see what an amazing and deep expression have his eyes ! how people can mistreat such a beautiful child !" . This was the first time that in my young ages I was hearing someone admiring my look and my physical aspect. After a while , when I felt comforted I looked at the face of the young girl and remembered that I had already seen her in that leisure park in company of her fiance 'dr.pagra' . She didn't know me , but I knew her very well , she was famous for her great beauty and her elegance , so almost everyone in the town knew her . After drinking the water , the young girl cleaned my tears with her silk handkerchief and asked her mother to allow her to accompanying me till the door of my home . Her mother didn't agree to let her going alone because of all the dangers and the unsafety of all the streets so she intended coming with her daughter accompanying me till my home . The daughter was proud of her humanity and her sense of compassion toward all the needy people and she said that if she had the power and the opportunity , her very wish was to make happy all miserable people by all means . These words were pronounced with such an honesty that I could see the reflect of its veracity in her green eyes . At this moment the sound of a stopping dark coloured car warned all of us . Some of the young boys who where gathered there because of my shout and crying , by noticing the presence of that car and its occupants who were all weird and gross looking gunmen , moved back in a corner and whispered :" indeed , these are the same gunmen who attacked the house of the jewellery store owner and pillaged all!" . One of those boys with his eyes opened strangely out of fear said:" I will go informing my father to call the security guards" and he went quickly toward his home . Meanwhile , after seeing the gross shape and look of those men with their gunmachine in their hands , I moved aside . They were four people and one of them stayed in the car while the three others wearing a sort of mask which covered their eyes , jumped in front of the green-eyes girl and one of them asked with an authoritarian tone if her father was at home or not . The girl was so upset that with a trembling voice replied :"no , my father went to the village for some affairs", then the same man pushed the girl inside the house and while taking harshly her arm in his hand said : "then , come in please , we have some affair with you ", the girl out of fear and terror replied : "but who are you ? and what are you searching for here ? my father is not at home!" , one of those men said :"we know that you keep contraband goods and products in your house , we should examine that ". At this moment the mother of the girl who looked pale and terrorized could just say :" I assure you , we never keep contraband products , after all who are you? you don' t seem being governmental agents , what you want from us?...." . The men didn't allow them to continue their protestation , they just pushed them violently indoor and the girl began excruciating shouting and desperately called for the help of her fiance and her mother . They tied her mouth with a handkerchief and pushed her in one of the rooms . Her mother after seeing this spectacle , fell unconscious on the ground . The dark car of the gunmen was stopped a bit away of the door of the house . Meanwhile I saw a man in the left side of the street running fastly toward the attacked house . He was so upset and out of himself that his face looked like dead , I recognized hime , he was the same 'dr.pagra', the fiance of that girl I mentioned previously . The gunman inside the car was surprised by this unexpected arrival and before reacting , 'dr.pagra' runned to the direction of the stairs . The principal door of the house was completely open , but this fact didn't disturb the gunmen because they knew that the town was almost empty and no one dared confronting them because of all the disorder which ruled over the society . All their attacks were so violent and dreadful that no one was equiped properly to fight against them and they knew that . These robbers and murderers had already made up a very large gangsters organization which was ruling over the city and all the population were aware of that and never involved themselves in fighting against them . One of those three men inside the house noticed the arrival of 'dr.pagra' moving up the stairs , beat him so violently and unexpectedly that 'dr.pagra' who apparently was not familiar with the boxing and fighting technics , before coming at the rescue of his fiancee , fell on the ground moveless .

At this time two old men appeared in front of the door of the house and once noticing the presence of that dark car , one of them said with a trembling voice :"this is the car of the chief of the gangsters , that is unclear who are the unfortunate and unlucky victims today !". I was in such a pityful and disturbing state that I couldn't go to them and telling that today was the turn of the most beautiful girl of the town who was supposed marrying her fiance , the same kind and compassionate girl whose very wish was to comfort and relieve all miserable ones from their burden and help all the poors and needy people , but I was somehow paralysed and shocked and couldn't move at all and I remained speechless . Almost a quarter of an hour was past in a sort of terrifying silence . Few young people joined those two old men and were talking with horror about that crime and robbery . One of those young people who was supposedly an admirer of that beautiful girl , shouted with anger :" people ! why are you so coward ? why you don't hasten to help your fellow neighbours?" , but he couldn't finish his protestation speech because suddenly the gunman inside the car came out and went in front of that door and kept his gunmachine directly targetted toward the crowd and with his rude and harsh voice shouted :" get lost idiots .... if not I will pierce you like a stainer !" , but no one moved . Meanwhile we heard the sound of the trot of some horses coming from behind . They were the horses of the security guards who came automatically at the place of the tragic event since they have been informed. This group of security guards was led by 'sherven' , my old friend and protector , he was really impressive because of his stature and look . He stopped near the car of the gangsters and leaving his mount , he suggested to the three others doing the same , but these ones were apparently so young and so unexperimented that they couldn't improvise the extend of the danger and didn't react properly by manipulating quickly their guns . Although this was the first time that 'sherven' might face a real and fatal danger , but his boldness and courage based on his fighting technics provided to him such a self-confidence and calm that he moved fearlessly toward the main door , but before passing by it , the gunman shot in the air with his gunmachine and threatened all of them by saying :" don't move , or I will scatter all of you on the ground just like the tree leaves " , 'sherven' had his gun at his side in its holster , but he realized that the time of touching it , he could be shot dead , but he already had his leather belt in the hand , in a wink , by a simple gesture he grasped the canon of the gunmachine with his belt and turned it upward and then jumped on the gunman who was a gross shaped man of almost thirty five and after holding him began beating , a hard fight was occured between them , sherven tried to hold the gunmachine and to take it from the hands of that criminal because he was afraid that people around become wounded or killed , some moments 'sherven' had the advantage in the fight and some other moments his opponent was successful , but at the end , 'sherven' by a skillful gesture laid down the opponent and struke him so strongly that the gunman remained injured and moveless on the ground , meanwhile when he tried to take the gunmachine from the hand of his opponent , he noticed that the canon was broken and separated from the body of the gun .

Sherven , without wasting a moment , took his gun and traversed the small space between the main door and the house , with the company of his fellow guards and the young man who was encouraging the others to fight against the gangsters , but before entering the house , one of the criminals who was hidden himself behind a tree shot toward 'sherven''s group but he missed the target , meanwhile the others in the house were about gathering the silver utensil and the jewellery they found in the house . Sherven realized that they can't enter the house by the stairs , so after looking carefully around he noticed the window of one of the room which was located almost one meter above the surface of the open space where they were , and in a jump he reached the interior of the house . At the same time , 'sherven''s friends encouraged by the boldness of their leader tried entering the house by the stairs but encountered the resistance of the gunman who was shooting unceasingly . Sherven , once in the interior of the house , found himself in front of one of those criminals who was about gathering objects of value in a suitcase , this one left the suitcase and targetted sherven and shot , but 'sherven' in a fast move avoided the gunshot and threw himself on the gunman , another fight was occuring and each one beat the other unconsiderately and violently . Meanwhile the fellow guards and friends of 'sherven' were trying to enter the house but they were threatened by the shot of the gunmachine , these ones wanted arresting the criminals alive and it seemed that the criminals goal was not to kill someone with their gun but just fighting and boxing , so the other thieves along with the gunmachine-man attacked 'sherven' and struke him without the least compassion and obviously they wanted to kill him in this way . So , they could fill the suitcase with all sort of objects of value and intended to leave , but in between the fight , the one who struke violently 'sherven' with his fatal beats lost his mask and I could see from the dark part of the corridor , the terrible face of the one who was not unknown for me , he was no one apart our dreadful enemy 'gorgon' .

Among the crowd no one dared any intervention in such a person to person fight . Sherven 's pals in their turn were awaiting some opportune moment to get rid of the gunmachine-man 's shooting in the outdoor . Meanwhile , the forth criminal who fought 'sherven' and found his gunmachine broken entered inside to help his fellow thieves , with a sign from behalf 'gorgon' , this one beat so strongly with the body of his broken gunmachine on 'sherven''s head that he fell on the ground completly dizzy and astound . The crowd gathered outside proceeded entering the attacked house but the shooting of the gunmachine made them all moving back , at this moment , the criminals without wasting the least moment and having their suitcase full of robbed objects , got into their car and left the scenery .

The crowd outdoor entered the house , 'sherven' retrieving his senses begun scolding his fellow guards for their shortcoming and failure to arrest the thieves , or rather those criminals , and then ordered that they scatter the crowd and send them to their own home . Not any sign of the inhabitants of the house , everyone was astonishing by this terrifying silence , suddenly the same young boy who previously was encouraging his pals to intervene against the criminals moved up the stairs and then shouted :" come here ! it seems that some people are imprisoned into the rooms !", the doors were locked , but they could open one of them and released the mother of the girl, who upset and terrified called desperately her daughter. Dr. Pagra was imprisoned in the same room , his look was terrible , wounded and with a face full of thrombosis , out of himself , he was looking for his fiancee and after hearing a groaning voice he moved forward the door of the room where his fiancee was imprisoned. Sherven and his friends could unlock the door with few strong beats , 'dr.pagra' precipitated inside and found his fiancee in a pathetic state . The young girl was unable to stand up . The scene I was witnessing impressed me so profoundly that even now after all these years passed by this event, it left an unforgettable impact on my mind . In this event , not an atroce murder was committed , but the troubling and harrowing screamings and groaning of that girl which was mixed with an horrible silence and astonishment , was more violent and more significant than any other openly atroce crime and murdering . The mother after finding her daughter in that state begun screaming like the crazy ones and scratching her face and pulling out her hair . The girl looked like someone sentenced to death who is spending her last moments of life , dizzy and astound ,she was walking with the help of her fiance , her eyes were soulless as if she was not able to see , she sat on the stairs and covered her face with her hands , the face which was like a flower , extremely beautiful ,fresh and full of life one hour ago , now looked blemished and fade . Her eyes were somehow exorbitant and looked in all directions with fear and terror , also she was whispearing meaningless and incomprehensible words , she was crying and then she fell inconscious and relied on 'dr.pagra''s shoulder , this one who didn't look better than the girl , brought her into the room .

The darkness of the evening increased the dimensions of the sorrow and the sadness which reigned over that house . The crowd was still present in the outdoor and were talking about the atrocities and the misery happened to the inhabitants of the house . I should add that most people gathered there were the elderly ones , because of the civil war all the young ones were involved in a way in the battles and joined this or that army . Some others were working hard in the factories till late in the night . The old people with their impressive look formed an awesome group , they were all immerged in some deep thoughts as if they were looking for some solution . Meanwhile an old man with a very sorrowful face joined the crowd and appeared in front of the attacked house . I recognized him , he was the same influential personality who supported our orphanage in the past , the same man who accepted to feed me once a day in those disturbing times of famine I was a charge for the 'charitable woman' . Everyone looked with a great respect to him as if they expected that this very man find a solution for all the troubles our society was suffering . He approched 'sherven' and cheered him up for having put his life in danger to save the oppressed ones . Also some of the respectful women of the neighbourhood came to console and comfort the victims of this incident . Dr.Pagra was in a desperate state , very sad he was sitting on the stairs plunged in very bitter thoughts . Sherven , no one expected that he could stand save after the fatal encounter with the criminals , approched 'dr.pagra' , took his hands and expressed his compassion and promised that by all means he and his fellow guards would extinguish the center of this criminal organisation and would punish properly all of its members . Meanwhile one of the old men who was complaining about the disturbing circumstances under which they lived all , said to our influential charitable man :" sir , until when this state of things would last , until when we should suffer all these atrocities and crimes ? you are the head of a charitable institution , why you do nothing to cure all this pain ? why you don't ask the creation of some more effective and more regular armed forces to repress and punish all these criminals ?". The outdoor of the house was now full of people , the influential charitable man who remained silent and thoughtful till now shaked his head and said :" dear people , you ask me creating some other armed forces to repress all the agitators and to end the corruption , trouble and crimes and to establish order and peace ? of course this sort of revendications are apparently appropriate and logical , but I don't think that the destruction of some other group of people who are following a wrong path and the death penalty for them would be a good solution , because maybe some other group of people momentarily would enjoy an ordinary daily life , but I genuinely believe that the annihilation of the evil-doers and the criminals is not always the best solution , just like with an injured part of the body , the amputation is not always suggested . They need to be reeducated and assisted , because they are the sick ones . We can never end a war by creating another war , by destroying the agitators , the agitation and the unrest would never end and the armed forces are not always the guarantee of the order and peace ..." . So this respectful charitable man was talking about moral values and reeducation for almost half an hour , he had somehow a spiritual and heavenly look , as if he was not of this world or he didn't belong to this world . Anyway after a while this otherworldly man with the company of some of his acquaintances disappeared from our sight and the crowd followed him .

That night the 'charitable woman' , after being informed about this incident came at the house of the fiancee of 'dr.pagra', remained there for some hours comforting the injured and hurt women , then farewelled all of the audience and we returned back to home .

The next day I learned that this damaged family , after the return of the father of the beautiful girl , they left the city in company of 'dr.pagra' , for some unknown destination .

24

One year passed by this tragic incident . At this time , in the country I used to live , each day something bad happened to some people that I was just hearing the tale of those incidents and during the whole year I was not personally an eye-witness of them and nothing extraordinary happened to myself either , if not I would remember it , because of my sensitiveness the least unusual incident would left an everlasting effect in my soul .

I used to live in the 'charitable woman's house and I occupied myself with my school homeworks and I was attending the second class of the primary school . On that time the conditions of my life were much better than in the past , even though all my childhood needs for affection and care were not satisfied , my life was somehow bearable in comparison to all those days when I was ignored , mistreated and despised . But what I couldn't realize was this fact that not being the biological child of the 'charitable woman' , I was deprived of all the love and attention a child needs for his survival and for his happiness , this didn't seem logical to me and a convincing reason for being discriminated and put aside as a 'stranger' , neither I couldn't understand the obstacles and the 'impossible' for the fulfillment of all my wishes and projects in life .

The governess had left the house long ago , because she had found a lover for herself and they left definitively the city or even the country . So the 'charitable woman' was no longer provoked against me . But I noticed a general change in her character , her personality was traversing a critical state , a sort of psychological imbalance , she was showing sorta depression crisis , she was crying a lot for unknown reasons , she was or scolding her own children without any apparent cause or showing excessive love and spoiling them inappropriately , mostly she was sitting alone in a corner and plunged in some deep thoughts and was starring at a fix point , maybe she was reviewing the past and all the events during the civil war , anyway I became familiar with her new personality and I was always careful to not overpassing my limits and doing things I supposed not to be allowed provoking so her anger and hatred because of my status of a 'stranger' in that house . Although I was of a great help for all things needed in the house and was always ready to serve them in all domains , I never got the care , attention and love my soul was eager , so I felt myself a charge there and I couldn't enjoy the liberty and the audacity for playing freely and studying my courses carelessly .

Despite of this unfavourable atmosphere , I was a good student in my class . Sherven used to come visiting me in the school and he was always recommending me to the teachers of that primary school . One of those teachers whose name was 'Mr. Solen' was very serious and trustful young man , payed a particular attention to me and showed a great interest on everything 'sherven' was telling to him about the details of my life and the tale of all the events happened to me . I noticed that he was considering me with an unconditional care and sensitiveness . In his eyes I found all the love I was looking for and all the safety I needed for my survival . So my new studying year begun with such a joy and hope .

The civil war was almost over and a relative order and security was established , but the country was still suffering the after-effects of a devastating war and disorder . All the soldiers who returned back home alive were looking for jobs and a living and this fact increased the dimensions of the pain of an already harmed society . Not a single day was passing without hearing that some people killed each other for a piece of bread , the revenges and the personal settlement of accounts had their trend too , and here or there , these private hostilities and personal settlement of accounts were done taking different shapes and ways . As I mentioned earlier 'sherven' was the chief of a group of security guards and was still searching for the criminal organisation members and was still aware to tracking down 'gorgon' , also he had secretly designated some agents to follow the traces of him . Someday one of those came joyfully to 'sherven' and said :" we are not to far to arrest finally all these naughty criminals and taking our revenge over them , I could discover their place with the help of an old woman who noticed them nearby the forest in the eastern part of the city , apparently they live in a farmer cabin , I intend going there tonight and investigating by my own in order tomorrow we could go with more equipments and arresting them". Everyone appreciated this project and the poor guy went to accomplish his mission . He failed and he lost his life , but if he was successful in his mission , one of the biggest pirating organizations would be destroyed .

Early in the morning of the next day , the population in different parts of the city encountered an extraordinary and unusual spectacle which terrifyied all of them because of the horror and the atrocity of the scene . At each corner of the city a box containing a part of the body of that unfortunate young security guard was put . The young man and his intention has been discovered by the criminals , so they decided to commit such an horrible act and make it spectacular in order to give a lesson to all the other ones who were intending to disturb their activities . Their main goal was to warning 'sherven' , and they committed this crime with a sophisticated skill , for example one of his hands was found in the eastern part of the city , his head in the north , another hand in the west , his tripes in the center and each one of his legs were scattered in the southern parts of the city . The most important was the box containing his eyes and his feet they threw early in the morning in the garden of the house of 'sherven' . Sherven awakened by the sound of the falling of an object in the garden , rushed forward to the garden and opened the box . By finding those parts of body of his friend , he remained moveless and astound out of shock . A piece of paper was sticked to the box with this content :"mr. sherven , I hope that this gift would please you . we send you the eyes who wanted to watch and to know all of us , and the feet which after a long walk reached our place , in order you could praise and gratifying them properly !".Sherven remained paralysed by such an horrible act . All of his friends after being informed of this event went for investigation .

All these incidents and events are not the production of my extravagant imagination or made up by my fantasies . They are the atrocities I was personally witnessing in my young ages of childhood , when I was only eight . At this very age I knew all the craziness and all the diabolic acts humans are able to commit . Later , I learned by experience and by reading books that this dark side of the human nature had always expressed itself everywhere throughout the human history all around the world . In fact I noticed that even the 'wildest' animals in comparison with the sophisticated crimes the humans are able to commit , are just innocent creatures .

Anyway , the whole city was in a state of astonishment after this horrible crime , and all people were stimulated to find and punish these criminals . The police officers and the young security guards have decided to pursuing severely and with toughness these criminals . But 'gorgon' was aware and clever enough to not falling into the trap of the police or the guards . They were all experimented now and were careful . They never appeared in the daylight and at nights they disguised themselves and with lot of tricks attacked some jewelleries and robbed them . So , this was the state of a society in its after-war 'convalescence' .

25

The world is an amazing spectacle , displaying various and different aspects. As if everything in the universe were made up of the union of the opposite sides , light and darkness , joy and sorrow , health and illness , success and failure , life and death are just some example , so I deduce that maybe all of this ,I mean the correlation of the opposites is the order of things in the world , and maybe we should accept them as they are . So it is with the human society , there are lot of egocentric people who know nothing apart their personal and private interests and the satisfaction of their own desirs to the detriment of all the others , and this sort of people made up the majority of the population around the world . Beside this majority , we could have the luck of finding or encountering a minority of people , some few ones who are brilliant like a diamond but hidden in the deepest part of the earth , priceless like a rare and unique pearl in the deep ocean . These people are meek , kind , full of compassion toward everyone , without expecting any acknowledgment , live quietly in this world , sometimes without leaving a trace of their presence and mostly without being noticed by the others for the greatness of their soul , spend life as something temporarily and bear patiently all the burden of the world somehow as unknown people , and quit it eagerly to join another world which is their real home . If I call them the angels , it would not be an hyperbole . I should mention that throughout my troubled childhood and beside all the terrible events which happened to me , I had also the luck , the happiness or the honour of having encountered this sort of people who are indeed a gem . Also I should add that I owe my life , my whole existence and all my ideals to these people , to these gems who left such an impact on my life that in all circumstances I will never forget them . All I could learn in my life , I learned from them , I saw the world by their eyes , I felt everything by their soul , and if I did something good , it was the result of their goodness , my very wish is to be a follower of this sort of people and being considered one of them in the sight of the universe . These people are good for the sake of the goodness , they are hurt by the misery of all the others , and their happiness is to make happy all the rejected ones to the price of ignoring their own private ease . If I talk about this subject it is because many years after this encounter and after all the events of those days , I realize the dimension of their goodness , all the things they did generously for me who was just a stranger child there . I still remember their angelic look and manners , a sort of human beings that we could only read the description of all their noble qualities in some novels or myths . So here I will tell how this encounter with such people happened .

At this time I was nine , and as I mentioned earlier , my life in the house of 'the charitable woman' was spent in a way that at each moment I had the feeling that I was a charge for her . I was not anymore a naive kid and I could perfectly understand that I ought to do lot of things to 'pay my debt' to her for having gave me a shelter ,some food and provided my education in a school . So , beside all the homeworks I had to do for my school , I was working in the house like an errand boy , so at nights I was exhausted but I never ignored all the lessons and the homeworks I should prepare for the next day in the classroom . Among all the homeworks I had to prepare for my classroom , what seemed to me the most exciting and the most enthralling thing to do was to memorizing different sort of poems . Although I was not very good in writing and reading , but I never spent a single night without memorizing a poem before sleeping . The words which were put together with such a musicality , rhythm and rhym that I couldn't even understand their meaning , fascinated me so amazingly that I had the impression they were the creation of some magician . This same extraordinary attraction I had to memorizing the poems caused that I became the only student who was able to memorize and to recite the most difficult and the most sophisticated poems with a declamatory manner , by expressing with great emotion and gestures in front of an audience . My talent in this field has been noticed and discovered by 'mr. solen', the teacher I mentioned previously , and I have been encouraged and cheered up by this teacher . Later I knew that 'mr.solen' used to write poetry books and he was himself a very good poet .

With the help , the encouragement and the advices of this nice teacher 'mr.solen' , I prepared myself for the festival of the school for the celebration of the end of the wars , I had to present multiple declamations of different poems in between of the programs of the festival . So in the afternoon when the spectacle of the festival begun , in multiple occasions , between the shows , I recited lot of declamations of some poems I even didn 't understand the meaning with such an emotion , enthusiasm and gestures , that the whole audience present in that amphitheater cheered me up with loud and long applause . From every corner I heard a loud 'bravo' and flower bouquets were thrown toward me on the scene . The joy and the happiness I felt that night was indescribable . Later I learned that all my declamation of those poems were about the praise of the goodness , and the love we should express toward our human fellows and also about all the happiness we could get as a reward for our good deeds . It seemed that my infantil tiny and serious tone of voice which expressed such a difficult and sophisticated poems , beside all the appropriate gestures I displayed during the declamation , incited such an emotion in the audience that most of the susceptible people were in tears or crying loudly .

Anyway , it was during this night that the nice teacher 'mr.solen' has been praised by the director of the school and all his colleagues for having discovered such a talented student . One of the families present at the festival , the most susceptible one , impressed profoundly by the words of my poetic declamation , the one who cryied long and threw genuine tears for me was the family of my teacher 'mr.solen' .

The same night , if many of the people among the audience , under the impact of some momentary emotions applaused , cheered me up or sent me flower bouquets , because they found funny that a child with his tiny shape or tiny voice is pronouncing such an awesome words or poems, as easily as they have been incited and enthralled , they forgot with the same easiness my funny voice and declamation in between their personal life and business , but it was not the case of the family of my teacher 'mr.solen'. They were so impressed by the modesty , humility , the discretion and the shyness which revealed itself through all the sophisticated words that I pronounced with emotion , and were so interested in my personality that they automatically asked their son about my identity . Later I learned that the same night when they knew the story of my life and my unusual and strange destiny 'sherven' told to 'mr.solen' , they cryied a lot . But a serious and real eagerness to see me again didn't leave their heart indifferent to my destiny and they had the intention of during a reception in their home , investigating about the possibility of adopting me as their child .

The investigation lasted for almost one week , and this was pursuing and done with the very wish , efforts and serious endeavours of the 'Solen' family . The 'charitable woman' , once informed about this 'good new' , I noticed such a relief in her eyes and attitude that I realized how much I was a charge and burden for her , and she welcomed this occasion . During all those years she accepted me living at her home because of all the recommendations of that influential and spiritual charitable man , and obviously , apart just those first few months I spent life carelessly at her home , the rest was a torture for me and a burden for her , as if she was thinking about the moment she would get rid of this responsibility and charge . Maybe part of her depressive mood was caused by her psychological incapacity to respond to such an engagement and responsibility . So the agreement has been concluded and the 'charitable woman' has been relieved from her burden and they decided that I spent some times at the home of 'Solen' family and remaining there for testing all the aspects of the life I could have with them .

26

My introduction and familiarity with the 'solen' family occured at night in spring time , under an arcade built in front of the house in the garden by the branches of ascending tiny trees and the multicolour flowers whose perfum was enthralling for my soul . The calm and peaceful faces of the family members were shining under the light of the beautiful lamps inserted here and there in the garden by an exact observation of the rules of aesthetics. They all welcomed and greeted me with the most honest and genuine words I ever heard in all my miserable life . Mr.Solen , my dear teacher lived with his mother , his big brother and his wife , and also his uncle and his wife . The father of 'mr.solen' was passed away long ago and I learned that he was a merchant and a very good man . His mother was about fifthy , a devoted mother who loved very much her son . The big brother of 'mr.solen' was a very funny and sociable young man with lot of sense of humour , he was married just few months ago and for the moment he lived with his wife at his mother house . The uncle of 'mr.solen' who was called 'sweet-uncle' at home , was about forty and was one of the most pious and the most honest men of the world . He was very good looking and very calm and with lot of dignity , and these qualities in him were expressed by all his harmonious manners , talk and behaviour . Althoug he was married for a long time , he and his wife never had a child and that was obvious that in that house the only thing which could complete their happiness and fill somehow a sort of emptiness in their family life was the presence of a child they always wished . This same eagerness for the presence of a child at their home caused their great joy for having me with them and welcoming and greeting me with such an unconditional and unlimited kindness and warmth . Indeed they were a happy family and they had everything necessary for a peaceful and good life . Their humanity and charity was the reason they accepted me as their own child with lot of attention and care . The mother of 'mr.solen' , noticing the kindness and compassion of her son toward me , payed much more attention to me , and recieved me eagerly , it was the same with the other family members who expressed all sort of kindness and care because of their goodness and humanity , and I could feel that in their manners and see it in their eyes . It seemed that each one of them was amused by my gestures and talk and each one was trying to attract my attention and love . One brought me some fruity beverage , another proposed me some cookies , the third one invited me to eat some fruit , the forth one offered to me a valuable pen and kissed me and took me in the arms . That night seemed to me like a dream , sweet and unbelievable among all those care and attention and all the blessings there . At night I slept peacefully in a clean bed with some silk curtains around and a very beautiful mattress and blanket , this was the first time in my life that I enjoyed such a fairy bedroom . Everything was so beautiful and intact that it didn't seem real , or they were too beautiful for being real , so I imagined myself in a sort of fairy dream .

Few days later I left definitively the house of the 'charitable woman' and settled in the house of the family of my teacher 'mr.solen' .

In this house everything , all the scenery of life had a new and beautiful colour in my eyes . I found myself in another surrounding where everything was simple , clear and without the least hypocrisy or dishonesty . From everything there and in everyone I could feel and notice the perfum of goodness , spirituality and piety . Some days later , my whole way of life changed completely , also my appearance , new clothes , new shoes and boots , new briefcase for school and all the necessary things for writing , painting and drawing . The first night the 'sweet-uncle' offered to me a very beautiful new costume at my size , the next day 'mr.solen' my teacher offered to me a high quality uniform for my school and a pair of boots for the snowy days . Briefly , everyone according to their taste offered to me some gift . In a week , they dedicated one of the small room of the house to me by decorating it amazingly beautiful and useful for me , in order I could revise my lessons and also amusing myself with some plays . The mother of my teacher expressed an extraordinary love toward me and each time she encouraged me for my amusement to invite some of my friends in the house . In such occasions , she personally took the responsibility of the reception and brought cookies , beverages and fruits in my room and insisted that my fellow students of the school taste all of them , the same woman who already had a servant for all the duties of the house , she enjoyed serving personally my friends and paying attention to them . She was so careful and attentive to provide all my needs for enjoying my life that she ordered her servant to bring me to the parks and leisure places for children . On those days , because of my young ages of childhood I couldn't realize that all these care and attention toward a stranger child was extraordinary , because I supposed that it was natural that the adult and mature people care about the little ones and express kindness and love about all the children and I thought that this was the rule , otherwise it would be unusual . But many years later I realized my mistake and my misunderstanding . Because later I have seen so much meanness , heard so much insults , felt so much humiliation and mistreating that I could realize the greatness of the soul of that woman and the generosity of all her family members , and understood what a charitable heart they all had .

Sometimes the mother of my teacher 'mr.solen' , in providing all my needs and bearing all my childhood extravagances showed such a patience that some of her acquaintances or neighbours blamed her for her behaviour and said :" madam , what a patience you have to stand all the troubles a stranger kid may produce and what a care and attention you pay to all his moods and fancy !", then she replied quietly that she enjoyed all she did for me because this provided for her the peace of mind and a stillness for her conscience . Then she continued talking about all my talents , my intelligence, my education and my obedience . This spirit of humanity and kindness was obvious in each one of the family members . Among them , respecting each other , solidarity and friendship was the rule and they fulfilled this as a duty and a responsibility , and all of this state of mind was reflected on their angelic faces .

27

Sweet-uncle had the status of the 'patriarch' of the family , and in fact he fulfilled this responsibility perfectly . This man was so honest , so magnanimous , so pious and so generous that he incited everyone to charity , compassion and solidarity with all the ones who were needy . From his face shined such an awesome quietness and satisfaction that was the reflect of all his good deeds toward all the others . Beside his was a godly man and he always dedicated some hours of the day to prayers and to praise god . He never supported that the family members talk about the weackness or the 'bad-side' of all the others , and he always stressed on the positive and good aspects of everything and everyone , for example someday the young wife of his nephew was complaining about the coarseness of a neighbour who had insulted her for some reason . The 'sweet-uncle' replied quietly :"this sort of point of view on people is not just , because all depend on our common sense , no one in the world is absolutely bad because since the moment that we are humans , necessarily there is something good in all of us but not yet cultivated or maybe just neglected , so if because we don't know exactly those people or we have some extraordinary expectations from them , that's not a reason for their 'badness' or rudeness , if some people have been deprived of having a good physical aspect and so they look 'ugly' to us , or if some others are useless for our personal interests , they are certainly useful and good for themselves and for their families , then why should we expect that all resemble or look like us or to be useful for us? only the harmful and dangerous people should be avoided , but if the harsh look or manner of your neighbour don't please you or they don't look agreeable , that's not a reason for criticism and severe judgment".

Sweet-Uncle was in fact a holy man , and his holiness had such an extent that I think that he considered that god is always watching his deeds and observing his thoughts.This permanent self-control caused that he had always an harmonious and calm attitude in front of everything and everyone, his gestures , manners , look and talk were always coherent ,agreeable and measured . He spent most of his free times in prayers and the praise of god . At this time that I was only eight he thaught me all the ritual and the rules of praising god , usually he dedicated half an hour after the dinner to this spiritual teaching, and because of my learning skills , I could learn all the rules and ritual of the prayers in few seances and I recitated all the prayers with the same tone and order that he thaught me , and he was rejoicing having such a talented 'student'. Sometimes that he was sitting in a corner, he watched kindly and cheerfully to me praising god and praying , at this time he looked like and angel and the light of plenitude was shining in his eyes .

Despite of all his responsibility as the manager of a commercial business and as the owner of a store , he never neglected the least detail in the daily life of his family members , he was very careful about the health and the well-being of all of us . For example he was extremely and particularily attentive to my health and my hygiene .As I recounted the accident during which my head's skin had been wounded because of the bullet shoot by the tester of the gun , the wound was not yet healed although almost one year passed by that time , and this fact increased the worry and anxiety of the 'sweet-uncle' because he was affraid of some fatal disease I could get just because of that wound . On the other hand lot of strange red buttons were appeared on the skin of my head , which were apparently the symptoms of an endemic disease which would cause a definitive baldness . Sweet-uncle , brought me automatically to the doctor and got the cure for this disease and also for my bullet wound . The doctor prescribed different sort of ointments and some medecines for my condition and the 'sweet-uncle' following the advices of the doctor , he personally took the responsibility of caring about my disease . So , each night , he cut the hair around the red buttons and applied the specific oils and ointments with his own hands on my little red buttons created by that endemic disease and also applied some other liquid and powder for my bullet injury . He fulfilled this disagreeable task with an extreme eagerness and goodwill , although he had the possibility of asking the maid to do that but he prefered caring himself and personaly about everything related to my health .

His nephew 'mr.solen' my teacher was as exceptional person as his uncle , he had the same generosity and the same magnanimity beside being very sentimental , he had a great vocation for writing poems . He always helped me with my homeworks and encouraged me in all my studies . I got very good scores at school and in my class and then out of proud he offered to me such amazing gifts that I even didn't dare dreaming about that . So my happiness in this family was at its summit . Mr.Solen was a godly man just like his uncle and like the other members of the family and he used to live a very pure and holy life .

But this spiritual aspect of the family was too far from all sort of superstitious beliefs , so beside this aspect they never neglected the least occasion to have fun , laughing and spending good time . They usually organized joyful parties by inviting lot of guests and they were enthralling me . Mostly at nights after the dinner I recitated the songs and poems I learned in the class , I stood up on a chair and sang some songs or recitated some poems which amused them very much and they all cheered me up . Sometimes during the dinner , some pleasantries were made and some humoristic tales were told . As I said before , the big brother of my teacher who was married for some few months , was a very funny man , very sociable and he used to take all opportunity for joking and having fun , for example when everyone was eating dinner , suddenly he addressed to me by saying :" ohh look how the cat is dancing amazingly behind your head " , and when I was looking what was happening behind me and to see the dance of the cat , and finding nothing , I returned my head to the table to continue eating my meal , suddenly I noticed that my dish of meal was missing . All the others by seeing my surprised look begun laughing out of loud and then each one showed me some place where my dish was put and while I was looking or going left and right to find my dish , suddenly I saw that my dish was at its place on the table and this time a portion of jam was added to my meal . By all of this very simple things the whole family spent a good time , had fun and laughing so innocently that this joy and all of the cheeful faces made me happy and careless . Some other times when a delicious dish was prepared like a roast chicken its smell was so fairy , once on the table , I was looking at this roast chicken with such an appetit and hunger , suddenly the big brother of my teacher addressed to all the family members with a very serious tone of voice :"what are you all waiting for to come at table and how much time this child should await you to join the dinner table , he's starving and can't wait longer!" , then at this same moment he cut a big part of the roast chicken and with a fast move he proposed to me , and me out of joy and ignoring his joking I tended my hand to take that part of chicken , he begun turning that part around my head with very funny gestures and then put it in his own mouth and ate it . At this moment , my surprised and astonished expression seemed so funny to them that they all were laughing out of loud for some moments .

In this way , without being any relation to this family , I was spending life among them in an absolute liberty and enjoying an absolute love , respect , attention , care and abundance of everything . I should mention that my popularity among them and all the love they showed toward me was not because I was a nice and obedient child with lot of positive and good qualities , not at all , but just because they were so exceptionally good people that they accepted me and loved me as I was , with all my weakness ,shortcoming , wrong-doing or my childhood extravagances . The goodness in their nature had such an extent that they ignored all my mistakes and the troubles I caused sometimes , a sort of extavagance which would be certainly punished severely in even very caring and ordinary families with their own biological children . In these case , all the family members instead of punishing me , just tried very kindly to suggest me to avoid some bad deeds and gave me advices for a good behaviour and attitude.

I used to go to the business office of the 'sweet-uncle' after my school , and there after resting for a while I returned back to the home . Sometimes the 'sweet-uncle' asked me to watching the store while he was going out for few moments for some affair . One of those days , alone in the store , suddenly out of curiosity I have been incited to open one of the drawers where the 'sweet-uncle' kept the money there . Previously I had noticed that he always opened this drawer for taking or putting the money. I saw all the bills were orderly put in a corner of the drawer , but what attracted me most of all was the shining of lot of silver coins of all sizes which had very beautiful shape and carving on them , so I just took one of those silver coins . At that time I hadn't any need for money , because everything I wished or wanted they provided for me automatically , so I really couldn't understand what sort of childhood caprice incited me to take that tiny coin . Anyway I put it in my pocket and closed the drawer . I was still sat on the chair in front of that work-table when the 'sweet-uncle' appeared with the company of another fellow businessman and threw at me a very surprised and meaningful glance , then he began talking to his colleague and meanwhile I said goodbye to them and left the store . On the way I had a vague feeling that I did something wrong but by touching such a brilliant and shining coin I was so excited that I stopped many times on the way and took the coin and observed it with a great fascination and great joy mixed with a sort of unknown fear, then after watching it many times I put it in my pocket . At night I noticed from the look of the 'sweet-uncle' that he certainely watched me from the window of the store when I was taking the coin , anyway he said nothing , not any blame and not any reproch . The next day , in the afternoon after leaving the school , when I went to the store of the'sweet-uncle' , he recieved me with great joy and attention and he ordered to the apprentice to bring me tea and cookies . Then the 'sweet-uncle' addressed to me and asked very kindly if I bring some junk-food with myself to eat at the school , I replied positively by telling that 'grand-ma' always put some cookies or toasted bread in my briefcase to eat them in the school. Then he asked if the other students bring something to eat at school or not , I replied that some bring and some other just buy something there. Then he asked "do the children bring some money with themselves?" . I couldn't answer his question approprietely , so I just expressed my ignorance by some mimic of face and some gesture of my shoulder and hands , I felt very confused , but the 'sweet-uncle' explained :"you know my child , usually the little ones can't buy good cookies and sometimes by eating junk-foods they become sick, be careful to never buy something of this sort and never take some coin or money from the others , everything you wish to have just tell us and we will buy for you , beside never keep some coins in your pockets , I will give you myself all these coins to keep them in your moneybox and save them for yourself ". He said that and he offered to me a very beautiful metalic moneybox which had just a small overture of the size of all sort of coins , beside he gave me some coins to put and keep in my moneybox and to bring it with myself at home . I knew that 'sweet-uncle' was perfectly aware of what I did and watched me when I was stolen the tiny coin , but his magnanimity and his generosity touched me in a way that I l never forgot his wise and educative reaction in front of the wrong doing of a child . After this I got rid forever of this sort of evil temptations .

But my wrong-doings and caprices haven't been limited only to this event . As it is usual and ordinary with all children who have a great and vast imagination , and because children live in a sort of fictive world which doesn't know any border , and the impossible has no meaning in such a fantastic world , they sometimes do amazing and surprising things which are usually incomprehensible for the adult and mature people , although all the mature and adult ones have the experience of the childhood with all its dreams and fancies . One of the things I did at a summer day when I was idle and was creating for myself some imaginary games , because I had no playmate or because there was not any children around me and each day of the summer I might create a new play and a new game for myself , suddenly I noticed the white horse of the big brother of my teacher . I will never forget this event I produced in that lovely family , and all the troubles and anger it had caused for them . The white horse was very beautiful and sometimes , the big brother of my teacher brought me with himself on that mount for some horse riding and walk . The horse was familiar with me . On that afternoon , after caressing his head and his svelte body and after looking at his quiet and innocent eyes , suddenly I noticed his long and thick tail which moved in all directions at each second . I starred for few moments the strong swing , shake and move of the horse's tail . I really don't how and why this long and white tail recalled me a shoe brush . I remembered that few days ago when I went visiting 'sherven' , he was complaining to his fiancee about the uselessness of his shoe-brush which wasn't good anymore to produce brilliance on his shoes . At the moment I felt sad that 'sherven' hadn't a good shoe-brush , so when I considered the thick tail of the horse , I thought that I could make a very good shoe-brush for 'sherven' . Full of enthusiasm I found some scissors and cut a half of that long tail and gathered all the hairs , then I tried to find a good piece of wood and after finding it I decided to start my creative work , but I realized that I didn't have something to stick the hairs on the wood , while I was thinking about finding a solution , suddenly the horse keeper appeared , after caressing the horse and caring about it , suddenly he noticed the cut tail of the horse and out of surprise began shouting , he couldn't believe his eyes , he observed carefully once again the cut tail and then noticed my presence with all the hairs in my hands , he shouted again and went informing the family members . Everyone run toward the horse . When the big brother saw the ugly cut tail of his horse , shouted out of anger and threw his hat on the ground and said:" oh my god , my poor crippled unfit horse ! how would I ride this unfit horse again ?" , he was so full of anger that he didn't know what to do or what to say , at this moment the 'sweet-uncle' appeared and began consoling and comforting his nephew and was still repeating :"but nothing very important happened , the horse tail is a bit slimer , that 's all , and this is just a child and doesn't realize all things , what is done can't be undone ". Meanwhile the 'grand-ma' took me in her arms and brought me away , she was afraid that something bad happens to me because of the angry people there . After a while when the critical situation was over , I heard that the 'sweet-uncle' was saying :" thank god that the wild horse didn't trample the child ". The 'sweet-uncle' was right because the horse was a bit fidgety and it was said that they have noticed that the horse had unexpected reflexes when for example a cat was jumping , he began move about or trampling . After the decrease of this crisis , the big brother went out and everyone was talking about this incident , anyway the 'danger' was over .

At this time I couldn't realize or appreciate the dimension of their magnanimity and the greatness of their forgiveness capacity in reaction to such a 'sabotage' I was the author . Because later in my life when I encountered lot of people who without any logical reason have mistreated or insulted me and showed such a meanness and vile reactions and hurt me in a way that all its after-effects still burn my heart forever, and also after all I have seen later and all the things which happened to me in the future , I could realize and acknowledge the greatness and the magnanimity of that dignified family .

Two days after this incident , when in a summer afternoon I went at the 'sweet-uncle' store to spend some time , I noticed that he was very cheerful and was laughing a lot , then with his usual gentle tone of voice he asked me :"my dear child , I really can't understand what caused you who are so intelligent and full of discretion doing such a strange and uncomprehensible thing , does someone asked you to do that ?" . I was so surprised by his question that I replied quite simply that I just projected to make a shoe-brush for 'sherven' . Sweet-uncle laughed a lot after hearing my explanation and then sent me home . The next day , he put in front of my eyes a very beautiful white shoe-brush and said :" my dear child , since then each time you intended doing something just consult me and after our discussion over your project you can realize that , now take this shoe-brush and offer it to 'sherven' .

28

The next day , in the morning , I put the shoe-brush in a very beautiful box the 'sweet-uncle' provided and went to 'sherven''s home. I already knew that in such a summer morning while the university is closed , he spent his time at home working on his projects . He was a student of the engeineering university and his field of study was naval engineering . Although he finished just the first year of his studies , but he was full of creative projects on this domain , for example he had the project of creating such a submarine for the naval forces which could not only work under or on the surface of the ocean but also flying if necessary . He had such an amazing and original imagination , and such a nature that never an ordinary life or some high position in the society would satisfy him , he could never put a limit or condition for his works or life . He wanted to be useful in every aspect of the social life , because he believed that he had such a potential for doing all sort of works that the society might use all his talents , on the other hand , beside all his projects about the creation of an extraordinay navy or submarine , he wished having some power as a ruler or commander in order to provide the extreme well-being for all the population of the society . Obviously he was an enthusiastic character but at the same time he was very pure and simple and considered life in a very simple way, he was always in the side of the goodness and justice and was always working for the cause of the oppressed and discriminated people , he hated most of all the hypocrisy and the injustice , he had in fact very noble principles and usually exposed his own life to protect the weak and helpless people , that's why each time he noticed some injustice and oppression , he automatically involved himself in the battle to defend the injured ones and to punish the criminals . For the same reason , and because of such a personality that he joined the young security guards in the period of the civil war , and only god knows that how many nights he spent alone confronting the most dangerous thieves and criminals and putting in danger his own life for the defense of all the ones he even didn't know them . But finally he didn't succeed finding his old enemy 'gorgon' or arresting him after that bloody fight in 'dr.pagra' s fiancee house and after that spectacular crime committed by the gang of 'gorgon' by cutting up the body of his fellow security guard and the dispersion of the parts all around the town and in his own garden . Since then it was said that 'gorgon' appeared in the city with disguised look in a way that no one could recognize him , and I was always scaring that someday I encounter him and being once again a subject for his criminal fancies .

29

On my way toward 'sherven''s home , I was aware and looking around to avoid such an unpleasant encounter and I was pressing 'sherven''s shoe-brush to my chest and was afraid of losing such a priceless gift 'sweet-uncle' provided for me to offer to my old protector and friend . I reached 'sherven''s home and I rung the door bell cheerfully . After a few moment 'sherven' appeared at the door with his happy smiling face and after seeing me shouted out of joy and took me in his arms and then lifted me up for some seconds and then put me on the ground . We entered the garden of his home and befor closing the door , a young man , breathless appeared behind us and said :"sherven , don't waste a second , the prey we were awaiting for it all this time , fell in the trap by his own , , he is in a cafe-bar in the sailors quarter , taking beverage with his buddies , my car is ready , if you hurry up we would be able to arrest him ". Sherven , after a short pause of astonishment , moved quickly to one of the rooms , took his gun and got in the car, the german-shepherd of 'sherven' joined them , also because no one was at home , I joined them necessarily in the car .

My very concern and disappointment was that I couldn't find a good moment to offer my gift to 'sherven'. Few minutes later our car stopped in front of a big cafe-bar . We entered and my friends looked all around expecting that 'gorgon' was sat somewhere there and they could arrest him automatically , but they found not any trace of him . Meanwhile , in a corner of the lounge , beside the cash box , some people were gathered and were disputing violently over few missing gold coins . The owner of the cafe-bar had apparently lost four of his gold coins and out of anger was inculpating all the clients for the thievery . At this moment we all heard a harsh voice of a man leaned to the bar table shouting :" it seems that you 're not able to recognize and to respect the people with whom you have affair...!" , this voice and the coarse tone of the interjection stupefyied all of us , me ,'sherven' and his friend . The voice pertained to no one else apart 'gorgon'. Sherven seemed out of himself and was pressing his jaws . The owner of the cafe-bar who wouldn't calm down and leave the dispute , although very angry whispeared :" of course I know you well , one of the most dangerous people: robber, pirate and pocket-thief....". Gorgon's collaborator who was a fat bald man and apparently a drunk one , contracting his eyes , taking an arrogant attitude said :" that's true , we are pirates, thieves and robbers , but don't be confused , we are robbers of banks and jewelleries , we don't need the few dirty coins of a miserable barman..." , 'gorgon' whispeared :" idiot , what are you talking about , just shut up...". At this moment 'sherven' didn't wait long and with a hand on his waist said with a loud voice which broke the silent atmosphere of the bar :"that's true , these 'gentlemen' have nothing to do with small business , neither with the tiny coins , because their masterpiece is attacking , robbing innocent people's house , raping and killing the young ones , cutting up in pieces the body of the children and so and so , these are indeed great men because they only commit great crimes ..." . Gorgon , surprised by such an unexpected encounter , returned his face toward the place where the voice was heard . I could see his face , I couldn't recognize him , he looked a bit fatter and heavier and some beard and moustache was covering his wild and wicked face . Out of anger his face colour turned to yellow and suddenly with his belt in his hand he struke the bar table and forgetting completely the barman and his missing coins , said with a suffocated angry voice :" you again ! moron kid ! I'm sure that one of these days you 'll lose your cheap life because of your stupid boldness and silly intervention in affairs which are not your business , idiot nosy , it seems that right now your life is a useless bothersome burden for you..." , he said that and in a wink he beat with his belt 'sherven''s neck so strongly that the sound of the beat shaked all the people present in the bar . In a second the two opponents attacked each other , furious , roaring like wild animals , beating on the face , boxing in the chest , rolling along on the ground , anyway a genuine deadly fight . Meanwhile some idle people out around the bar-cafe , after hearing the noises in the bar , just entered and some fearless giant sailors involved themselves in this fight . They absolutely didn't know the issue over it they were fighting and didn't care what was the cause of that fight ,quite simply some of them liked the look of 'sherven' so they begun fighting for him and some others prefered the harsh look of 'gorgon' and fought the opponent's partisans . At this time one of the seamen who till then was watching indifferently the spectacle , having an impressive fat and tall shape , raised his sleeves , showing his fat and thick arms and frowning his eyebrow , threw a chair away , took few steps , shouted with an imperious tone of voice and said :"all the neutral people out ! no one has the right of intervention , the fight is between these two fellow !" . Automatically everyone moved away , in disagreement they whispeared some complain but didn't dare disobey the giant sailor , because all knew him . Then the giant sailor with a sort of self-confidence added :" this is the best way to solve a conflit , we seldom notice that in the 'magnificent' lounge of the assize courts with all the judges, advocates, attorney and witnesses and with all its protocols , the defense of righteous and innocent people could be performed and we seldom know that in such places the justice and righteousness could be really established , let these two people settle their accounts"... The giant sailor after his 'speech' continued watching the fight in a sort of absolute carelessness . The spectacle was developping quite fastly . In a second I saw 'sherven' on the ground crushed under the punches of 'gorgon', groaning . The audience after seeing the unexpected fall of 'sherven' on the ground , they took for certain his defeat , but after a second of stillness , he rose his knees till his stomach and by a springing move of his feet , struke so strongly 'gorgon' that this one has been thrown toward the entering door of the bar where I was stood up paralyzed by fear . Gorgon was roaring out of anger and in a wink , the shining blade of his knife appeared and he threw it toward 'sherven' , this one with a fast reflex took automatically a chair before himself and neutralized the shot of the knife . Sherven till that moment intended arresting 'gorgon' alive and surrending him to the justice to decide for his crimes and punishing him , but when he noticed that 'gorgon' had really the intention of killing him took his gun and shouted :"don't move if not I will shoot you , I want arresting and surrender you to the justice court", he said that and then moved forward for some steps . Gorgon was standing up moveless for some seconds and then looking around as if he was searching something for his protection and suddenly noticed my presence , with a fast move he jumped toward me , grasped me and like a shield put me in front of the canon of the gun and with a tricking voice shouted :" now you can shoot as much as you like " . When I found myself once again in the cruel claws of 'gorgon' , I was about losing consciousness and meanwhile the box of gift I had in my hands thrown away , breathless I tried to release myself but in vain . Sherven remained astound. This endeavour of 'gorgon' incited such an anger among the audience that even the 'calm' and indifferent giant sailor protested :" this is the extreme cowardness and villainy to hide yourself behind the kids ", he said that and moving forward took 'gorgon's neck . In between I was trying hard to release myself from his hands , and the audience were so angry of such a villainy that they were looking for a mean to release me , but 'gorgon' progressively moved backward and reached the exit door and then souted :"if any of you approches , I will strike this kid and will crash him on the ground..", after hearing this threat , I considered myself already lost , and I was feeling that I was in a sort of nightmare . The audience , scared by the wild and harsh attitude of 'gorgon' realized that the threat was really serious and he is ready to do that , so no one dared moving forward. The german-shepherd of 'sherven' showed lot of agitations but by a sign of his master he remained calm and moveless . A strange silence has been established , a silence which could bear my death or somebody else one's . Everyone was upset . Suddenly an awesome and terrifying sound broke the silence and the echo of the eclat filled the atmosphere of that cafe-bar . Everyone looked toward the north part of the lounge , the thick glass of the big window of the bar collapsed and its eclat was just like the bursting of a bomb . Apart me no one noticed that it was the work of that fat and drunk collaborator of 'gorgon' who threw a heavy bottle of beverage to that side . It seemed that the gang were so experimented that they knew what to do in some critical circumstances. Gorgon used this opportunity to leave the bar and reaching outside while he was still pressing my flimsy body to himself as a shield . His collaborator did the same and reached the oustside of the bar. Sherven automatically released his dog and this one in a wink , roaring attacked 'gorgon'. Gorgon , surprised , left me and got into an open roof car stopped there , the dog was barking non-stop and wanted to attack the collaborator who got into the car at his turn and 'gorgon' strived the starting of the car and before the wheels began turning , one of the fight 'partisans' of 'sherven' who was a huge young man took the back of the car in his hand and lifted it . The wheels were turning in the air and 'gorgon' looked back to see the cause of the obstacle . Lot of people were gathered to watch such a spectacular test of muscular force , and everyone were laughing at the ridiculous look of the two criminals in the car . Meanwhile a police officer arrived and because he already knew 'sherven' who was a member of the security guards in the past helped him to take 'gorgon' among the crowd and we all got into the police car in the direction of the police office . Sherven kept me beside himself in the car and most of all I was sorry and disappointed for my failure in offering my gift to 'sherven', anyway it has been lost in the cafe-bar . Gorgon didn't looked upset or disturbed by this arrestation , it seemed that he had some reasons for his self-confidence . When we arrived at the police office , the officer led all of us directly to the bureau of the watch-officer . I was sure and certain that this time 'gorgon' would be punished by the authorities as he deserved , and I would get rid of him forever . I was sure that his punishment would not be lesser than the death penalty and maybe if by any chance he could get some reduction , he would be imprisoned for life . Some people were still in the bureau of that officer , so we had to wait for a while outside , where through the window we could see the inside of the bureau . Once 'sherven' noticed that who was the watch-officer , shouted out of joy and said to his friend :" today we are really lucky because the watch-officer is one of our old buddies , he is close to me like a brother , not only my father helped him for his study expenses , but few years ago I rescued him from a certain death , now I'm sure that he would cooperate perfectly with us concerning 'gorgon' s punishment .

But in the contrary and against all our expectations , the welcome of the watch-officer to 'sherven' was quite cold and a sort of protocol , not only that by we noticed somehow an indifference and ignorance in his attitude toward 'sherven' . But instead he recieved very warmly 'gorgon' and shaked his hands cheerfuly and made him sit beside himself and asked about his business and affairs . Sherven , astound , flushed in a way that he lost his face colour and looked like dead . He supposed that the watch-officer ignored all the crimial past of 'gorgon' , so he intervened boldly and said :" I have the honour of belonging to the assembly of the security guards during the civil war period and punished all the agitators and criminals of that time but this one (pointing 'gorgon') is the most dangerous criminal of all time that we were searching for and finally arrested him , beside we have provided a petition from the neighborhood of 'dr.pagra' fiancee house for having been pillaged by him and his gang . Sherven searched in his pocket and took the paper of the petition and put it on the table of the officer , but out of anger he couldn't add more words .

The officer with a sort of suspicion threw a look to the petition and after observing 'sherven' and all those in his company said carelessly with a meaningful smile :" you know , I noticed during these few minutes that you are here , that you suffer from a sort of delusional state of mind and you suspect everyone . Mr.Gorgon is a respectable man who is a great businessman and it seemed that you don't know him well , not only he is not a criminal , but he has been a great help for us to find and to arrest lot of well-known thieves and criminals". Then looking at 'gorgon' and his collaborator he expressed all his excuses for such an inappropriate and disagreeable incident and explained that all of this is caused by the inexperience and ignorance natural to the young people , then he accompagnyied respectfully 'gorgon' and his fellow friend till the door and addressing to two other police agents to accompagny them till their car . Sherven , furious intervened and said :" I will never let go a villain criminal escaping once again the punishment , I know him since my childhood , he is the most dangerous individual in the society , I arrest him in the name of law ". Before 'sherven' could get an opportunity to reach 'gorgon' , the watch-officer forbade him and said with a sort of tricky tone of voice :" Mr.Sherven , I praise all your noble feelings , you are a brave young man and please control yourself and don't express your anger in this way , I promise you that each time you require his presense for a trial or anything else , we will call him , and in between I suggest you to let the law to look after such issues and establish the order , the police office is not an amusement or mocking place for everyone who has some accounts to settle with someone else coming inculpating the others for crimes or providing some paper of petition to arrest people , if you have a complain you should refer to the justice court and asking the law to look after the criminals, with a paper of petition we are not allowed to arrest people . On the other hand , even though Mr.Gorgon has committed some wrong doings during the war , based on the general amnesty , he has been forgiven and is not anymore researched for crime ". Then changing the tone of his speech added :"I know you for some years [(although he ignored completely all the favours of 'sherven's family toward him and addressed to him just as an acquaintance)] and I'm familiar with your character and temperament , and know very well that you are young and you used to see things in a different way . I also know that you show lot of sensitiveness and ardour in front of events , but I think honestly that you have better to not intervening in others affairs and just mind your own business , because the security of the city can be guaranted even without you , and I seriously suggest you to never 'kidding' with this 'gorgon' , my advice is because of my best wish for you and for your safety ". At this time we heard the crowd who were awaiting to solve their problem and they were complaining about this long discussion .

Sherven seemed stupefyied because he remained speechless . Apparently 'gorgon' bribed that officer . One among 'sherven' s company told us that 'gorgon' at war times had found a stock of all sort of products and created a black market which works till now and by this mean has found lot of influential personalities as his protectors , apparently this same officer was one of those people . We got into the car and we left that place . In the car , 'sherven's dog was attached to me and was looking at me with lot of kindness in his eyes. Sherven was silent and he realized that 'gorgon' escaped the danger just because of his friendship with the officer. All these events happened just in two or three hours , but I was still under the impact of the terror 'gorgon' has produced and all my body was hurt because of his pressing claws . In the afternoon 'sherven' brought me to my home and I was still worrying about the gift I lost in the middle of the fight and couldn't finally offer it to 'sherven'.

The household by seeing my pitiyful state , colourless face and trembling body became very upset, 'grand-ma' was crying because my face had trace of injury and thrombosis and I looked very sad and exhausted . They were all astonished and asked about what happened to me . Breathless I told them the whole story , they were all crying and each one tried to comfort me in some way , they offered to me some homemade sedative beverage and while caressing me they asked the characteristic signs of 'gorgon' and they promised that they will do everything to find him and to surrender him to the justice . All of their endeavours comforted me and reduced my concerns , and because I spent a turbulent day , I fell asleep.

In the evening when I opened my eyes , I saw my nice teacher 'mr.solen' sat beside my bed , fanned me because of the hot weather and watching me with his eyes full of great compassion and love and he was worrying about the heat which could harm me while I was spending an horrible deadly day . This young man who was not a biological relative to me was closer than any relative and any parent or friend , this was really great and beautiful like a fairy tale .

30

Days after days , months after months passed and so it was almost more than a year that I was living in 'mr.solen's family . I was still studying at school studiously and all the family members like always were very careful about my health , study and my amusement and vacation times in order I don't feel the least frustration or deprivation . They never let me go alone to unknown or far places . During the holidays and for my free times they organized some occupation and amusement . The most fascinating fun I had and enjoyed it was drawing and painting . In a short time I felt that I had the potential to reproduce everything around me on paper . The face of people , their look and expression , the nature , the colours , the seasons left such and impact on my mind that I could reproduce them in their very details on the paper . As if some muse inspired me to create everything which had impressed me pleasantly . Solen family provided all the necessary stuff for my drawing and painting . Drawing after drawing , painting after painting , and training after training caused that in few months I could create a collection of all my artworks which incited the amazement of my surrounding and these artworks appeared so professional and exceptional that the family members of 'mr.solen' began considering me in a very new way which was a mixture of admiration and anxiety , they were thinking that maybe they were adopting and educating a child who is revealing himself a genius . The idea that they had maybe a genius in their family filled them with a great pride , but at the same time they were worrying about how could they afford this genius . Anyway they were proud of me because this fact attracted the attention of all their relatives , neighbours and acquaintances who looked at me as a child that the Solen family has adopted and they could make of him a genius .

I was growing up , and each day lot of changes occured in my body and soul. I was looking at everything with a new way and a new consideration . My sensitiveness was extreme toward everything around me . Now I could perfectly understand and interpret all phenomena , I could look at my past and all the events and the things happened to me, and could consider my past as an abandoned child . My sensitiveness was so huge that I was hurt by the least glance, least word , least gesture and look the others displayed around me , sometimes this sensitiveness took a patological shape in a way that I was ready to interpret even the kindness and attention people payed to me in a negative gesture or intention , and sometimes I thought that they wanted making fun of me or mocking me by saying the good things about me and I was thinking that all of this attention and kindness were in fact a way for humiliating me . Meanwhile few things were puzzling me and made me weighed down with grief : my biological parents and the fact that I was a child that my father abandoned me , no logic or explanation could convince or console me because I remembered that my father took me with him for a walk , while I was only three and left me in that unfamiliar place which was an orphanage . Another thing which always hurt me was my status of a stranger or foreigner in that city , because I already knew that my home and country was somewhere else and we had left it because of my father's job. Also I remembered all the roads we left behind while moving to the new city , the ways and the roads along very deep green and grassy valleys where at the buttom the scummy river was flowing. And I remembered when my father left me in that building with its huge door which has been closed behind me and I never saw him again . So I was creating for myself some new ground for suffering and being in pain . Sometimes I was hearing the interjections of the relatives or the neighbours of the 'solen' family who with a sort of pity said :" indeed , what a good child , how intelligent he is , and what pity that his parents abandoned him.." and then they were whispearing :" in fact he was a lucky child that the 'solen' family adopted , if not only god knows what happens to this sort of children". All these remarks and opinions were largely enough for me to increase my suffering , my loneliness and my misery .

Sometimes when I felt extremely hurt , I was searching for a 'refuge' in my artworks and was creating innumerable pictures of gardens, trees , flowers and sparrows and all my tears were hidden behind all these artworks . Grand-ma who has noticed this progressive change in my attitude tried always comforting me and asked about the reasons of my sorrows and insisted that I tell her all my worries and also encouraged me to invite my fellow students at home and spending time with them . But I was perfectly aware of the mentality and the point of view of the wealthy and privileged families with their children I shared the same classrooms and school . I could notice and analyse their social-class and racial prejudices which didn't allow them to frequent or to keep company with people out of their category , because pertaining to this category made them necessarily selfish and arrogant and they necessarily ignored or humiliated all the ones who didn't belong to the same social or ethnic group . In their eyes , anyone who didn't have an aristocratic origin or some wealth were just strangers who should be rejected . Those families seldom considered the dignity , the inner nobility , the goodness , the intelligence and talents of a child who was growing and enjoying the same privilege in a good adoptive family , they just considered this sort of child as an orphan or an abandoned kid whose parents were unknown and they should avoid and fear him because such kids are able to commit all sort of evil-doings because of their frustration and they should be careful because they could reveal themselves dangerous persons . This sort of current and usual prejudices caused that I became progressively a very shy and isolated teenager and might work hard to prove the opposite of this point of view and in order to attract the care and the assurance of my fellow students I had to do unimaginable things and endeavouring hard with lot of discretion . Of course I could realize that their reactions and attitude were provoked by their parents out of jealousy because of all of my learning skills , my talents in all fields and also because I was cherished and loved by the influential family of my theacher 'mr.solen' . Knowing and realizing all of this , and also because I was not a bold and insolent child , but in the contrary I had a modest , meek and humble nature and never involved myself in disputes or fights to defend my rights or to establish my own rule and inciting so the others to fear me or to respect me , then I behaved with everyone with an extreme discretion and I tried to respond to their caprices and needs as possible and provide for them all they were asking to me . Many times , even my very close friends , while I hesitated or couldn't provide one of the stuff they needed for their homeworks , just discorded and didn't talk to me and insulted me in their privacy . For example one of them while passing beside me full of snobbery interjected :" thank god that he is just a miserable begger and has nothing of his own and lives by the charity of the other ones who provide everything for him , if not only god knows what an arrogant fellow he would be ..." , another student when encountered me began mocking and producing ridiculous mimics with his face and blamed me with these words :" look at him ! what an attitude , what a snobbish ! thank god that he has no one and nothing , no parents , no family , if he had all of this only god knows what he could do or what he would be ..." . I always heard around me such remarks and humiliating interjections and this was enough to burn my heart and fill the stock of all my pain and suffering . So I was always forced to provide all the stuff they needed for the classroom program or to share all the cookies I brought with them and only in such occasion their behaviour changed and stopped insulting me . At this time I noticed tha the cruelty among the children or teenagers doesn't have any border and sometimes this sort of bullying could provoke deadly and fatal consequences in sensitive children or teenagers .

In this way , the extent of my pain and suffering reached such an unlimited dimension that made me unable to recognize the level and the scale of love and devotion the Solen family showed and expressed toward me , I was in fact blinded by my pain which like a profound old wound not yet healed , burned me at each blow of wind . When I saw that all my fellow students grew up dearly in all liberty and their family provided generously all their needs and no one dared gossiping about them , my heart was somehow broken. On the other hand my pride and self-esteem avoided me to share all my feelings freely with my adoptive family . All the gossips I have heard around about myself , my social status and my miserable childhood caused that I lost my previous liberty with the family members of the Solen family and I became careful and very discret even with them because I was worrying about this fact that maybe my adoptive family, because I was not their biological child , had the same prejudices than all the other ones who expressed openly their opinions and point of view , or maybe I was fearing that they would considering me like the others have done .

31

The words such as family , parents and siblings took each day an enchanting dimension and their connotation began charming me . I used to repeat to myself :" who are my parents? , where are they? , are they alive ? are they still in this region of the world or they moved back to their homeland ?..." , and sometimes I was so plunged in such a beautiful dream that I thought that if someday I find them , my happiness would be fulfilled and I would never lack something in my life . But suddenly I recalled the reality that I have been abandoned by my own father and left in the orphanage when I was just three , and I remained confused and astound because I couldn't realize the reason of this act and not any logic could convince me for the correctness of such a behaviour . Then I continued my illusions and was thinking about the sorrow of my mother for having lost her son in such a way and was hopping that she is still searching for me . Also I was thinking about my siblings , I wanted to know how many brothers or sisters I have or I could have , what happened to them if any . All these questions and concerns were about exhausting my soul and occupied my mind . Usually when I went to school , each afternoon I noticed all the mothers who cared with such an attention and worry about their children , cherishing them like gems and were afraid of the happening of something harmful or dangerous to them .They always recommended to their children to never leave the school alone and to wait till the arrival of the governess or their own arrival . Each time I noticed this sort of concern and worry the parents displayed for their children , I was surprised and was asking myself how comes that when the parents don't accept being separated from their children just for few hours and when they they are busy , they confide them to trustful governess or servants , I thought what happened then when my own father accepted to leave me in an orphanage by his own goodwill and leave me forever to my own . Quite simply I couldn't realize this fact and ignored the reasons of that .

I continued cheating myself and creating some happy end for the story of my life , imagining my parents very kind and gentle and supposing that maybe an accident caused my separation from them and was nurturing the idea of finding them and living happily with them forever . In my daydream I saw myself an influential personality who is able to send lot of messengers everywhere around the world to find my family , or imagining myself a great man who as a captain of a ship go to the homeland of my parents and after finding them I will fulfill all their dreams for their happiness . Or I imagined myself in a beautiful garden with all sort of perfumed flowers with the company of my parents, my brothers and sisters , taking them in my arms and kissing them and hearing my mother consoling me for all the events which happened to me and comforting me that there is no any reason for worrying or being upset about the dangers of the world , because I was not anymore alone, helpless , weak and miserable and they will care about me forever , and I didn't have to be afraid of the least thing which could make me anxious . So the tree of my wishes which was all about finding my biological family , was becoming each day full of branches and leaves by my unlimited imagination .

My sensitiveness in this domain became progressively a sort of obsession which didn't leave me in peace for some moments . The need of finding my true and biological family , and the right of enjoying the 'legal' and 'rightful' love of it was so growing that it was exhausting me . I should mention and stress this fact that my adoptive family showed an incredible comprehension and devotion in this critical period I was spending . I acknowledge that this state of mind has been produced and provoked by all the gossips I was hearing around me . Maybe if since my birth I was adopted by a stable family , or if I didn't remember my father leaving me , never I would hear some gossips about my biological parents and would never have a ground for suffering in this way . But the events of my life were so strange and so unique which put me at each moment in front of lot of various and different people and in all sort of different surroundings and experienced since my early childhood such an amazing things seldom bearable for a kid and encountered lot of different sort of families and individual belonging or to very high class society or to the lowest groups of people , made that sometimes I heard some people here or there talking about my father they have seen , or telling that my biological parents moved back to their homeland , or saying that my father was a very well-know scholar in that region , all of this increased my eagerness to find finally my biological parents and family and knowing my real identity .

32

Now I was eleven and I experienced and seen everything which could be seen and known during a long lifetime . My sensitiveness provided such a ground in my mind that enabled me to judge everything around me and to distinguish the huge difference between humans . I realized that this difference made that some people in their goodness and humanity could reach the level of angels and some others in their wickedness and their diabolic aspects would be a shame for the wildest animals. If since my early childhood I was living in a mean and low surrounding full of all sort of villainy and would become familiar with that in a way that I would consider the villainy as something natural and ordinary maybe I would never be in such a pain . But fortunately or maybe unfortunately my destiny put me in front of the most noble principles and the absolute goodness . If I didn't have such a scale to evaluate the good and the bad , the most valuable principles and the lowest villainy , the absolute goodness and the absolute badness , I would never know or experience such a suffering . Maybe I would better see the things as a mixture of positive and negative aspects in their whole and consider everything natural and passing over them with indifference . But my nature was made up in such a way that I was extremely sensitive to the absolute goodness and this incited me to expect that all humans should be and should behave like angels , and all my disappointement was the result of my disability to consider everything with some relative distance or being objective regarding the human nature which is a mixture of basic instincts and an eagerness for the holiness .

I had seen and been very close with the individuals like 'sherven', the great eminant 'charitable man', 'sweet-uncle', 'mr.solen' my teacher, and 'grand-ma' and too many similar people , so honest , so extremely good , so devoted and careful about the pain and suffering of all the miserable ones ,I had tasted the magnanimity and the infinite generosity of the 'solen' family toward me and seen the generosity of lot of good families for their children . I had experienced this fact that when the heart of humans becomes vast like an ocean, it becomes able to accept and love everyone without being restricted or conditioned by obstacles such as ethnic group or territorial belonging, biological family or other reasons for discriminating the others . I experienced how a human soul could be great and what a potential it had for being magnanimous and generous , so with all my heart I was attracted by such an indescribable goodness and wished to be solved in it and being like this category of humans and belonging to it . But I was in pain and disappointment because I couldn't find these qualities in everyone and this generosity was not seen in the heart of most of the people . Still, lot of people around me despised, ignored , discriminated or openly humiliated me because I was not the biological child of the Solen family , or because my homeland was somewhere else , and I didn't belong to the same ethnic group than them , they considered me a stranger , a foreigner and a rejected one . My very suffering was because I had for some time the luck and the happiness of experiencing closely an extreme goodness and generosity , so I had to pay the price of this happiness I tasted, with an everlasting pain and suffering whole my life .

33

My fervid eagerness to find my biological parents took such a extent that it became a sort of sickness and 'grand-ma' couldn't ignore it and informed all the family members. My joy and happiness mattered so much for Solen family that they were ready to sacrifice their own happiness for having me in their home as their child, and extinguishing their love and attachment to me in their heart for the sake of my happiness . Someday my teacher 'mr.solen' came at home and after finding me in my room, busy with my artworks , addressed to me with a cheerful face :"guess what I found for you !", he had something in his hand kept behind himself , I was so astonished that I couldn't guess whatever , then he showed me an old and yellowish small picture and said :"they are your parents!". I began trembling out of stupefaction and emotion . With my shivery hands I took the picture and looked at it . I saw on the picture a woman of maybe thirty years old which had an amazing resemblance with me , who had a baby in her arms , a girl of almost ten and two boys of maybe eight and another of one years old standing beside her with a sort of strange fugitive look. In her left side a slim man of almost forty five wearing a costume of that time who looked very cold and serious with his glasses . I tried hard to find some affection and love in the eyes of my mother , but I found not the least trace of emotion . About my father I even didn't dare expectiong something . I spent almost one hour to observe and examine the details of that picture , and I was so absorbed by the picture that since then I could seldom talk with the Solen family members , all my fervent eagerness to find my biological family has been increased by that picture .

My new state of mind coincided with the rumours about the clarification of the status and the nationality of all the foreigners living in that country and their citizenship issue.This rumour could determine definitively my destiny because I had foreign identity , and this caused a sort of perplexity in me because as a teen-ager of eleven I couldn't make a decision , knowing that I grew up in that region of the world alone without my biological parents and among different people and with different adoptive families , I was confused about my homeland and about my real and true family , I didn't know to whom or to where I belonged . This situation caused the same perplexity for my adoptive family , the Solen family members . They were considering this issue with an extreme discretion because they didn't know if my biological family would search for me or not , if they would move to their homeland by ignoring me and leaving me in the city I grew up or not , so they were all confused .

I should mention that the school in which I was studying was managed by one of the great and patriot men having the same nationality than me , and the rumour of the clarification of the citizenship status of the foreigners , would suspend the budget for the management of our school and we will all find ourselves in an unknown situation . All these changes produced a sort of anxiety in me who was spending his early teen ages of life . Someday I asked my teacher 'mr.solen' from whom he had provided this picture , he told me with a great kindness and compassion in his voice that he found the picture from one of the old acquaintances of my father who is leaving this country and he has been told that your parents lost you when you were walking by your own in the streets and they never found you . I couldn't believe this tale because I remembered very well my father who left me in that orphanage , I felt so confused , so stupefyied and so shameful by this tale that I remained silent and didn't say a word about this accident . The only thing I wanted to know was the reason of such an act or such an incident .

So I spent few months in perplexity and confusion . But because all complex situations find necessarily an issue , the incidents which happened after this time changed definitely the way or the path of my destiny .

In an afternoon I went attending the weekly municipality meeting and listening the speech of the eminent 'charitable man' I knew him for a long time , as I mentioned previousely he had a holy dignified character . His comforting words and speech left always a positive impact on me and then after I became full of joy and force to face all sort of hardship and incident . Usually one of my fellow students at school who was a girl of twelve and accidently used to live in our neighbourhood was always in my company for attending these weekly municipal meeting . In opposite of the most students of the classroom who were arrogant and snobbish , she was a simple girl growing up in a very open-minded family with the least social or ethnic group prejudices . She considered me as one of her best friends who was worth of friendship and confidence . Lot of people were gathered when the eminent 'charitable man' was speaking , always encouraging people for good deeds and for compassion toward the needy ones . This afternoon , his speech was so enthralling that all people began cheering him up and applausing . Usually at the end of his speech a flower bouquet was offered to him from behalf of his friends and admirers , accidently this afternoon , I have been given the honour of offering him the flower bouquet with the company of my schoolmate . I approched him and gave him the flowers ; when he saw me and recognized me , with a joyful face smiled and took my hands in his hands and then caressing my head he said with a sort of surprise :" my son , it's very strange , as if I might inform you personally about this good news , we have found your parents and you will see them very soon ". If my friend didn't take my hand I would surely fall on the ground out of shock and emotion . The eminent personality letted me sit on a chair beside himself and then added , this time with a sort of regret and a quiet tone of voice :" I met your father yesterday , they moved here from another city and now they stay momentarily in a motel, he told me that if the problem of the citizenship of the foreigners becomes serious , they would move back to their homeland , he is very zealous toward his homeland and he would never let you remain and stay here , he would certainly bring you with him ...unfortunately yesterday I noticed lot of change in his general attitude , a sort of pessimism or rather a nihilism has took possession of him ...he is indeed a scholar and a very cultured man ,,, but I wonder how he would fulfill his responsibility toward the society and his own family with such a negative attitude ... now go , anyway I hope that since now he would be a good father for you..." . I couldn't understand these last words of the eminant 'charitable man' , but I was so full of stress and emotion and so eager of find my parents that the changes occured in the personality of my father had no meaning to me , finding and seeing my biological parents was my greatest happiness . After taking the address of the motel , my friend and me moved forward to find that place . My heart was beating fast , I was thinking about all the tears of my mother for her lost son , and was imagining in what a state she would be by seeing me , certainly she would be proud of me after nine years of separation by noticing all my good qualities and wisdom , also I was thinking about my brothers and sisters who would take me in their arms and would kissing and spoiling me , and my father , oh my father , he would certainly regret that he had left me in the orphanage and for sure he had suffered a lot for such an act and by seeing me he would regret more and more but to recompense all those days , how much love , attention and care he would show about me . I was thinking about all of this while we were walking on the way which led us to that motel . We arrived at the motel and from the concierge we asked the room occupied by my family , the concierge gave us the number of the room and show us the entrance . My friend and me after passing by a big lounge , we arrived at a garden , there under the trees and behind a table , some people were sat and were discussing with ardour and enthusiasm about philosophical issues . Moveless and speechless I began observing each one of the men sat there and at the end my eyes stared one of them . He was my father! with the same look than in the picture I had , but a bit slimer and with his grey hair and glasses he looked a bit older . With trembling steps I approched him , I was so touched and full of emotion that I couldn't find the appropriate words to introduce myself , finally I dared to say something and introduced myself and was waiting for a reaction . My father surprised, looked at me for few seconds , then without showing any warmth or the least emotion , in an absolute coldness kissed my forehead and asked about my news , then with a severe tone addressed to a little boy who was playing around and said:" go tell your mother that her lost son has been found ..." .

...I knew that he was my little brother and stupefyied I watched him entering a corridor . My father told me that I had to follow him to meet my mother . Speechless I followed him and my schoolmate like a shadow was following me . The corridor was long and dark , and I was hopping that right now I will hear the cheerful voices of my mother and my siblings . I was walking with trembling steps , but not any sound or voice from somewhere , an absolute silence . As my father said , the room at the end of the corridor was their place . We arrived to the threshold of the door of the room . Some people were sat inside , but I didn't notice the least gesture or hear the least voice . For a moment I felt confused , this was against all my expectations and I thought that maybe we came at this room by some mistake , and my family was settled in some other room , but when I saw the same little boy who was playing outdoor, and apparently was my brother sitting beside a woman on the floor , I realized that they were in fact my family . A girl of almost fourteen and a boy of maybe thirteen apart that little boy, were sat on the ground too , and with a fugitive and incredulous eyes , while their head were leaned toward the woman , observed me and my schoolmate thoroughgoing . The woman sat among the kids remained moveless , in her seemingly calm look , a sort of surprise was noticeable . I recognized her . She was the same woman I saw in the picture , logically she might be my mother , moreover the resemblance I remarked between her and myself wouldn't leave the least doubt . My schoolmate and me we were still standing up in the threshold moveless and speechless . My mother asked me with a quiet voice :"who are you?" . While I was excited about introducing myself , I said :" it's me , your son , your lost son " . But not any change in the expression of her face which seemed absolutely indifferent , as if she already had some other worries , whispeared :" my son?!" , then with a sign she let us know that we could sit . My schoolmate and me we sat there on the threshold just like serf or servants before their master . A heavy and very unpleasant silence has been established and my mother didn't attempt or tried to break that silence . I was looking few moments at my siblings who were exchanging in their surprise some mocking gestures and another moments to my mother who was looking at me with an absolute quietness . The silence was really annoying . Finally my friend who was a very smart , bold and talkative girl broke the silence and said :" madam , what a resemblance between you and this boy who is one of my best friends ! I know very well that he had very suffered because of his separation from you , he was always in pain and cryied a lot for finding you , but now I'm very happy that my friend has found you and his very wish and dream have came true and his greatest joy and happiness have been fulfilled ..." . Then my mother with a sort of self-confident surprise asked :" why did he suffer ? wasn't he be well treated in the boardinghouse we confided him ? wasn't he well there ? " . My schoolmate with all her cleverness answered :" but madam, he is not anymore in the boardinghouse , for the moment he lives with the family of our teacher and under their tutelary ". My mother was thinking for a while and moving her head addressed to me directly :" well , now tell me what you do there as a job in that family ?" . Surprised and hesitating I answered :" but I don't work there , I 'm just studying , I'm a student of a school... ". At this moment my mother , once again ignored me and was worrying about something else and looked at her oldest daughter and son , said with a sort of concern and disappointment :" yes , my children were studying too but because of this unexpected travel , they had to suspend their study before the end of the studying year , they were student in the school for the foreigners , now I wonder if in this town and at this moment of the year they would be accepted by the school or not .." . Once again my schoolmate replied :" but madam , don't worry at all , because in this town the conditions for accepting students are very easy , I will inform you personally " . My mother looked with a great surprise to this girl who was talking with such a boldness and pretention . In fact , my schoolmate who was just a girl of my age was very smart, clever , fearless and talkative and that was really true that she could realize anything she claimed , she was the daughter of a very well-known jurisconsult of the city, so the eloquence and verbal expression was the forte in her family . While she was talking to my mother I was observing the cute face of my siblings who were sat in a line close to each other and was thinking about the words of my mother who called them 'my children' and considered me as someone stranger before who she was complaining about the suspension of the study of her children .

Suddenly I noticed that it was too late and the night was spreading its darkness on everything and we had to go . My father didn't come to join us and he was still discussing in the garden . We said goodbye to them and they all whispeared something without moving at all . I was so shocked that I could hardly control myself to avoid crying . Outside , I found my father so involved in the discussion that I even didn't dare approching him or showing myself to say goodbye to him .

Out of shock and emotion I was almost running on the street and my schoolmate was running after me to reach me because she was talking non-stop about this 'fortunate' meeting and this 'happy' event . I was so absorbed by my bitter thoughts that I couldn't listen to her talk , she was continually talking , she was asking questions and she was formulating all the replies . We arrived at my schoolmate home and when we were leaving each other and saying goodbye , suddenly as if she remembered something important she said :"hey look , I just wanted to say if you noticed that your mother didn't kiss you at all and didn't take you in her arms after all these years of separation , and just recieved you with such an indifference , thank god for my mother , because if I spend a single day at my aunty's home , my mother becomes so upset by my absence that when she finds me again she doesn't stop kissing me ". This remark increased my stupefaction and I felt really hurt .

That was unusual that I came back home so late , because 'grand-ma' and the 'bride' were so extremely upset and disturbed by my absence that they were all waiting for me at the door of the house , worrying about some accident happened to me , their face were colorless when they found me in such an extraordinary state of mind , speechless , shocked and stupefyied ...

...Grand-ma and the 'bride' began blaming me for coming so late at home and they were so upset that with a trembling voice asked the reason of my lateness . I was extremely disturbed and I just could mention the seance of the meeting in the municipality which lasted longer than usual and I told that I have been kept there because of the long speech of the eminent holy man . I really didn't know why I couldn't tell them the meeting with my family members in that motel . At this very moment I make a comparison in my mind between them and my biological family . This generous family which was not any relation to me , became extremely upset and anxious because of my few hours of lateness , while my real parents ,my biological ones didn't express the least emotion or affection for seeing me after nine years of separation , when they saw me , they didn't express any joy and when I left, not the least trace of sadness or regret . I couldn't realize this fact that why I was so meaningless for them .

All of these thoughts and unanswered questions were exhausting me in a way that I couldn't sleep that night neither the next nights . Also my state of mind was such a mess that I even stopped eating and I spent most of my time in my room struggling with all of this condition that I couldn't understand . Progressively the Solen family members began worrying about my health and they couldn't guess what has caused my sickness . They were sure that something extraordinary produced my depressed state and each one tried to interpret in some way my strange behaviour , 'mr.solen' my teacher believed that maybe I caught a cold and didn't feel good , the 'big brother' said pleasantly :"maybe he had ate a lot and this caused his sickness ", the 'sweet-uncle' supposed :" maybe one of his schoolmate had bought something that he wants to have the same thing " , 'grand-ma' replied :" thank god that we provide for him anything he wants the same day ". Despite of all of these 'hypothesis' the family members supposed , I didn't say a word about the reason of my disturbed state of mind , during one week I couldn't sleep or eat and this caused a real concern for the Solen family and they were seriously worrying about me . In the week-end , I was walking for myself in the garden , weighed down with grief , and the family members were sat on the terrace and were whispearing something about me , suddenly 'the bride' called me , I went toward her , then she brought me in her room and after carressing me asked kindly with her particular way of talking the reason of my concern and distress , she also promised and even swore that in all circumstances and for whatever it could be , she would help me to solve my problem . She insisted so much and she expressed so much care and attention that finally I told her the arrival of my family in the town . She remained speechless for few moments looking at me with a great astonishment , then suddenly she jumped out of joy and enthusiasm and went to inform the 'grand-ma' , then they both informed the whole family and then the loud cheerful voice of all of them filled the house . They all took me in their arms, kissed me and greeted me for such a good new and were astonished how I could keep such a joyful new for myself and remaining silent about this happy event . They all supposed that it was because of my extreme happiness for the fulfillment of my very wish and because I was shocked by this unexpected event . All of them expressed such a joy that if it was the fulfillment of their own dream of happiness .

In a hurry , 'grand-ma' and the 'bride' got ready to meet my parents in the motel . Necessarily I led them toward the motel in my most disturbed state of mind . The meeting of the two women with my mother was really spectacular . My father was not at home , neither in the garden of the motel . The 'bride' in all her simplicity and honesty approched my mother and kissed her hand with extreme respect ,'grand-ma' in her turn did the same and took my mother in her arms and kissed her and each one of the kids, 'the bride' , out of emotion and joy was in tears and after expressing all her best wishes for us , with a trembling voice said to my mother :" how cheerful I am that I see you both so fulfilled of joy and happiness , could you imagine a greatest happiness than to finding your beloved ones after years of separation and suffering ? , thank god that you finally found your lost son ". My mother necessarily because of this 'contagious' cheerful greetings of those two 'stranger' women , showed some warmth in response to the sweet talking of the two women . Grand-ma begun describing and praising all my talents , intelligence and all my skills in producing lot of artworks , adding that she intended to exhibit the collection of all my drawings and paintings she gathered , in the exhibition lounge of the school the next year and selling all of them . Also she talked about her extreme love toward me and this fact that she loved me like her own child . Meanwhile that they were talking , I was watching my siblings who were sat in a corner and that was obvious that they didn't used to have unexpected visit and they weren't familiar with this sort of encounter . They looked shy and didn't dare expressing themselves but sometimes they were looking to each other and were laughing furtively . I was so eager to talk to them that I began asking about how they were doing just like some passengers who meet each other in a bus , we talked about our knowledge and skills and so on . Grand-ma and the 'bride' were so cheerful and happy that they were expressing non-stop all their joy and happiness instead of me and my mother . My mother just agreed with them by a sign of head . It was becoming late and the two women wanted to go back home and leaving us . Not a single trace of my father , my heart was beating fast to see him again but he even didn't attempt to come and to see me after a week and didn't ask any new of me and this seemed too strange to me . Grand-ma and the 'bride' got ready to leave my mother and meanwhile they began describing the extent of my eagerness for finding my true parents , but my mother didn't let them continuing their speech and said with a quiet voice and a meaningful smile :"you know , the father of this kid , didn't like children at all " . Grand-ma , while shocked by such an answer asked :" how so he don't like children? does in the world exist something sweeter and more loveable than our own children ? in that case what does he like ...? . My mother said with the same quiet voice :" he just like himself and nothing more ". Grand-ma and the 'bride' couldn't understand a word of such an expression because it was so unfamiliar with their own mentality and the opposite of their beliefs and principles that they addressed to my mother and asked :" excuse me madam, there is something I can't realize at all , just tell me how did you lost him and how he has been separated from you and you didn't see him anymore and didn't search for finding him, such a helpless little kid ?" , my mother without losing her careless and calm expression replied with a sort of self-confident voice:" because since the begining we noticed his great intelligence and talents , we confided him to a boardinghouse in order he get a better education " . This answer apparently didn't convince the two women but they didn't insist more and their surprise and astonishment has been replaced once again by their cheerful expression . Then when they noticed me busy with talking and playing with my siblings , caressed my head and said :" if you want to stay with you siblings and your mother , just stay here ", before I could find a moment for answering , my mother intervened quickly and said :" of course it's better that he stays with us , but because here we don't have enough easiness for children in this motel , he can remain with you for a while till the moment we find an appropriate place for our settlement and then he can join us forever .." . Although at this moment that argument seemed to me natural and ordinary , but 'grand-ma' and her 'bride' were extremely shocked by this fact that how a mother could suffer the separation of her son once again after this reunion and after all the painful years her son has spent far from his parents and family .

Anyway I returned back to the Solen family home . For few days , this event was the subject of their discussion in the family and in their assembly with their relatives and acquaintances . The family members were all sad and sorrowful for knowing that I had to leave them anyway . My teacher and 'sweet-uncle' repeated many times that they were really sorry for such a separation after all the years I lived with them and after all their endeavour for my happiness and most of all they were really hurt because they had all a deep attachment to me and a great love and affection , but they always stressed on this fact that if they had to choose between 'their' happiness and 'mine' , of course they would choose mine , because my happiness was considered their own , even though they might suffer and be in pain for this separation . Each one tried to console the other by saying that in all cases they did what they could for my happiness and well-being and now my happiness was more important than their affective attachment to me and mattered most of all .

Few weeks were spent and I was still living with the Solen family , but meanwhile I find some free time to go visiting my siblings one or two times . One afternoon , after my school and before going home , I decided to go visiting my family in the motel . When I entered in the garden of the motel , I heard the noises of laughing and loud talking coming from the window of the room of my parents . First I thought that they had some guests and because I was a shy child by nature , I didn't want bothering them and I intended going back home , but I stayed there while hesitating , and then I realized my mistake very soon , contrary of what I was guessing they didn't have any guest but quite simply the children were just spending some good time and had lot of fun and the subject of their distraction and fun was mocking my gestures and my attitude . They were laughing so out of loud that they remained breathless . Few days earlier when I went visiting them and after feeling myself familiar with my siblings , I began singing some songs for them that I learned at school and by this I wished attracting their care and attention and also for distracting them . I thought that maybe by such an attempt they would love me and would show some kindness toward me and wouldn 't consider me a 'stranger' anymore . But now I noticed that all my endeavour for becoming familiar with them and gaining their love was not only in vain , but in the opposite , it gave them a subject for making fun of me , mocking my gestures and so creating a sort of theatre for having fun . From the window I was hearing the voice of my brother who was saying :" no no no , he didn't sing that way , but this way .." and he began singing the song I sung for them and adding some bizarre and strange noises to the 'performance', and all of them were laughing out of loud . My surprise has been increased when I noticed that my mother was sharing this joyful mockery , then I heard my sister shouting to my brother :" just follow the exact gesture , the chest forward and the neck a bit curved and then ,,,la la la ...." . This time the loud laughing was more and more expressive and in my surprise I heard my mother's laughing louder than the other's one . I was so hurt and so disappointed that the head downside I decided to go back home . But after taking some steps , suddenly my father appeared and brought me with him inside and in the room . The arrival of my father changed completely the spectacle . Each one sat at their place and showed themselves busy with something , the head down . Not a single word , not a single gesture , an absolute silence reigned on the whole room . For some second I thought that they even stopped breathing . Their mocking faces remained frozen and their look quite serious . I knew that my father was ruling the family with an absolute despotism . He 'succeeded' establish order and discipline with his serious and cold indifference on each one of the family members in a way that no one in his presence dared expressing something or moving inappropriately . The 'welcome' of my mother and my siblings was just like the previous visits , very cold and indifferent . This attitude seemed to me quite strange and unusual because I used to live in the Solen family as a center of care , attention and love , and I was so familiar with such a behaviour , such a love and care the Solen family generously showed toward me, that it produced an illusion that the biological family of a child would necessarily show much more attention and care , much more love and this very illusion incited in me my great eagerness and sensitiveness to find my 'real' family . As we were sitting , my father leaned to his pillow and my mother very discretly put a cup of tea in front of my father , as she used to do this . For the first time my father talked to me and asked about my study and about my past . As the discretion and my emotions letted , I explained to him the events I was witnessed in those troubled period of the war and the things which happened to me . When I was talking about all the hardship , the desperation and the humiliations I suffered and left behind myself , I couldn't control myself and began crying while I was telling the events happened to me in the orphanage , my throat was so knotted by my emotion that I couldn't continue and I was crying non-stop . My father with his usual indifference and coldness repeated the words of my mother and said :" this is not a reason for crying , everyone who wants becoming a great person should suffer the hardship , and because we noticed since your early ages of childhood that you were a very smart and intelligent child , we confided you to one of the best institution to care about your education under the direction of the greatest professors in order you become a very well-educated person ". My mother acknowledged his speech with some signs of head . I spent some more time with my family and beside I offered to each one a gift I bought with my little money I saved in my moneybox . Also I could revise my lessons and doing my homeworks there and then, as usual I spent few minutes in prayers and praising god . This praying ritual which was always encouraged by the Solen family and was always a subject for beeing cheered up and admired by the 'sweet-uncle' , apparently incited lot of surprise in my father , so he asked me :" hey , son , what are you doing ?" , I replied I'm praising god for all the blessings . My father looked at me with astonishment and a meaningful silence which has been communicated to the other family members and they all followed the same surprised attitude . My father didn't add a word and has been plunged in his usual indifference .

It was late and I had to go back home because that would be my last night among the 'solen' family members . My parents had found a new place and the next day they would move there and I had to help them with the removal . On my way to going back home I was thinking about the attitude and the words of my father . I couldn't understand what in the world has caused this sort of coldness and indifference in his character , and why his behaviour was so as a father , this meeting left such a bitter impact on me and such a hurt that I even forgot the spectacular mocking theatre my siblings created for their amusement .

34

When I arrived at home ,'sweet-uncle' family members were all gathered and had prepared a great dinner with various dishes , because they already knew that it was the last night I was spending with them . I was sat at the dinner table sorrowful and very sad . Solen family always respected my different moods and never tried to impose a particular state of mind or never blamed me for that . Each time I was sad , they used to wait that my state of mind changes . This night I was especially weary and sad and unable to say a word , I couldn't criticize or blame my parents and siblings before them and telling that how much difference I noticed between them and this family I was living among for few years . Sometimes I felt so confused that I couldn't believe this reality and tried to deceive myself by thinking that I was certainly wrong and my biological family couldn't be so bad and all those spectacular mocking theatre and the cold and strange attitude of my father were not really important or maybe I was too sensitive to take all of this against myself and feeling hurt .But a sort of anxiety filled my heart and I was thinking about this fact that how they would accept me and what would happen to me , and then I tried to erase all of this negative feeling and began looking at the bright side of the event and hopping that they will certainly be kind and I thought that maybe the true parents should be so and not otherwise .

At table I couldn't eat at all . I noticed that 'grand-ma' and the 'sweet-uncle' had cried before because their eyes were reddish and they all were wiping the nose . The funny 'big-brother' of my teacher , in order to break the sad atmosphere which reigned on the dinner room began his pleasantries and recalling the old memories of the funny events which happened in their home while I was a bit younger , so he mentioned that tail-cut horse and the thing I intended to do with the horse hair , at this moment all the family began laughing out of loud and I laughed with them necessarily . Then the 'big-brother' continued his pleasantry and while threating me he said :" be aware , one of these nights when you are sleeping in your bed , at the midnight I will appear with my scissors above your head and will cut your thick hair and would make a shoe-brush which would be unique in the world " , and we all laughed at this silly event and this damaged I caused . After almost one hour we spent at the dinner table , 'sweet-uncle' once again praised all my talents and good qualities and mentioned their great love toward me and then added :" my son , your father is a very intelligent man , a scholar and necessarily a comprehensive man , we are sure that he would be able to fulfill perfectly his fatherhood duty toward you and better than all of us . Be sure that if your father was someone else than him , it would be impossible to confide you to him and to separate you from us . Most of all he is very zealous toward his nation and his homeland and obviously he would never let you stay here in this country and would bring you with him , so we confide you to god and to your family and our very wish is that you become happy wherever you would be , because you deserve the happiness because of your good and unique nature , now I'm sure that you would be a great man because your inner nature is made up of goodness and of all the noble qualities , if someone else was at your place with all the events happened to you , would be lost or would become an evil-doer , I'm sure that someday the whole world would be proud of you , we will pray always for you and we will think about you all of our life ..." . While 'sweet-uncle' was mentioning all of this , 'grand-ma' , 'the bride' and myself were crying for a long time . Now I was sure that 'grand-ma' and 'the bride' after their meeting with my mother and siblings , have told all their impression to the 'sweet-uncle' and I felt that they were really worrying about me and my destiny in that family and surely they noticed that they would not be the sort of family who would care about me . On the other hand , what they could do , they did lot of investigation about my family and especially the 'sweet-uncle' after all his investigations about my father realized that he had better to not involving himself in a struggle with him , knowing that he was an arrogant and selfish man who apart himself considered no one worthy and righteous in the world . Because of a sort of late awakened zeal , he decided to come after his abandoned son and bring him with him if they had to move back to the homeland , and apparently the reasons of such an act or zeal was not clear enough for himself . The only thing which had no meaning to him was the happiness of his abandoned son , because what sort of fatherhood love was this that he left a three years old son in an orphanage, in those troubled and chaotic days of social unrest and cruel and atroce conflicts and wars . All of these deductions forbade the Solen family to intervene in my new life and destiny , also all he heard about the attitude of my mother and what she said about my father caused that 'sweet-uncle' even didn't dare to come visiting my family . Anyway if my parents might follow some sociability rules or if respecting some human principles , they had the duty of coming visiting the Solen family and expressing their gratitude for having took care of me for some years , but apparently they all laughed and mocked any rule or principle in the world , if not they wouldn't abandon their child at all to suffer such a strange and miserable destiny . The Solen family asked me with insistance that I come visiting them regularily and giving of my news after my settlement with my family .

35

The next day I went directly to the motel after my school. The welcome of my mother and siblings was cold and indifferent like always. My father wasn't at the motel room and no one knew where he was because his work time was over . My mother and siblings had gathered all the stuff for the removal but didn't move them to the new home as if they were waiting for me to move them all alone to the new place . My siblings by seeing me began exchanging their mocking gestures whose 'code' was only known by them . Without paying attention to their behaviour I begun kindly and with devotion categorizing and giving some order to the stuff for an easy way to bring them to the new place which had only one street distance with the motel . My mother and sister didn't touch anything and my brother just came with me to show the way without bringing any stuff , while I was about crashing under the weight of the things I put on my shoulder , and then he returned back to the motel . In this way I did the removal alone and by my own without the least help from the family members and so I did the distance between the motel and the new place many times till the evening . At the end when I removed all the stuff in the new place I began to install orderly the things in its proper place , and when my work was finished I went searching for them to join their new home . They didn't pay any attention to me and were stalking the way quite arrogantly as if they had found a servant or an errand boy , and it seemed natural to them that this was the duty of a twelve years old boy to do all the removal tasks and serve them . They settled in the new place and it was late and all the day I didn't eat or drink something and I felt exhausted , because of their attitude I didn't dare asking something to eat or to drink , so I sat in a corner and begun revising one of my courses for the school .

The long hours of the night were spending and I was starving but no one mentioned any dinner or food , everyone in an absolute indifference was busy with their things and it looks like they had already ate few dishes of meal . I was so hungry that I asked my mother to give me a piece of bread if she had any . Then my mother looked at me with such a terrible and humiliating anger that I remained speechless , and she returned her head somewhere else . My siblings began their mocking gestures , I was about crying and my throat was knotted but I controlled myself . My mother threw at my direction a piece of dry and spoiled piece of bread she kept in some scarf and turned her head back . I took the piece of bread and went to my corner and satisfied my hunger with that dry piece of bread and considered myself filled up . I even didn't dare recalling in my dream the delicious meal I had the last night surrounded by all the kindness , respect , love and generosity of the Solen family showed toward me . It was too late and my mother and siblings intended to sleep but in all my astonishment I noticed that my father was still out and I couldn't understand how comes that the responsible of a family just leave his wife and children to their own

the day of the removal and nobody knows where he was and what he was doing . Anyway I was so tired and exhausted that I felt asleep .

Next day , early in the morning , the tiredness and the sorrow of the previous day have been removed by the some hours of sleep and rest I could get . When I opened my eyes , my glance encountered the quiet and indifferent look of my mother . Out of gladness I began smiling because I was thaught that with a smile and with love you can comfort all pain . But contrary to my expectation , my mother interpreted my smile as a sort of silly carelessness and her look became more harsh and more cold and then with an unpleasant tone she said :"wake up , how much you want sleep ? hurry up and prepare the tea , the children will wake up now and they want drinking tea , the tea should be ready for them ..." . Gradually I was learning to expect nothing from her , so I stood up quickly and put my pillow in a corner of the room , that pillow was my only thing for sleep , not any blanket or mattress , nothing, just a single old pillow . She pronounced those words with such a cold and harsh tone as if she was giving an order to her servant for the sake and for the comfort of 'her children' , she didn't consider me as her child at all . As I learned in the 'charitable woman' contryside house , after almost two years , I prepared the tea . When the children woke up , without any greeting word or good-morning , began laughing quietly , they didn't dare expressing themselves because they were fearing my father who was still sleeping . I even didn 't know when he came back home and at what hour of the night . So the children couldn't laugh openly and freely or mocking me , because while I was preparing the tea , seemingly my face got black stains because of the coal I might use to lighting the 'samovar' and this looked funny to them and they were breathless out of laugh . But the move and waking up of my father frose all smile and laugh on their face . With his usual coldness and indifference , without the least word he went out in the garden , even outside , the children didn't dare laughing openly or making some noise . When he came back in the room the breakfast things were ready on the floor and he sat down . It was a weekend day and my father wouldn't go out for his work . Although I heard that he was a very learned man , but he didn't care at all about the study of their children who came at this town leaving their non-finished studies , and if I didn't recommand them to my teacher 'mr.solen' and if my schoolmate , the girl who promised to help them for their admission in the school , maybe their studies would be suspended completely that year . I was really astonished about my father who was so indifferent and so careless about everything and so empty of the least sense of responsibility .

My father after taking his breakfast begun praising all my intelligence , talents and competence in doing perfectly everything and so he wanted that I become an example for his other children , then he deduced that because of my smartness it would be better that since now I get the responsibility of all the shopping duties in the house . He said that and took a piece of coin in his pocket and gave it to me for going buying some meat . Without a single word I went out quickly and run for finding a butcher , because in the neighbourhood there was not any butcher and I might go till the big place market . I bought the meat and once again I run many kilometers of distance and arrived at home breathless . In that weekend , my father intended preparing a special meal himself . He took the meat from my hand and once opened the paper around and examined it , frowned and shouted violently :"what is this sort of meat you bought ? didn't you have eyes ? don't you see that this meat is useless ? hurry up and return back this meat to the butcher and tell him to give you a good meat ! I thought that this donkey understands something , what an idiot kid is this , unable even to buy a meat , what is this sort of moron kid ..." . My father just like an automatic machine was talking non-stop and was expressing his anger by swearing and formulating humiliating insults about me and was repeating his insults . I was paralyzed by this reaction and I felt that the blood has been frosen in my body , trembling I took the meat and once again I run to the market place where the butcher store was located . I told the butcher to take the meat and to give me a better meat . The butcher groaning took the meat and threw it somewhere in the store and with all his anger gave me a fresh and good meat covered by some paper . There I examined the meat , it seemed to me a very good meat and once again in a hurry I began running all the long distance to the home .

I remembered all the years I spent in the orphanage , at the 'charitable woman' house , and where in the countryside I was busy with the sheepherding work and lived in the cabin of the old servant , and then I remembered all the violence and the atrocity I was witnessing or was the victim myself, none of those had humiliated me at this level that I was in the first day of my father's home . In comparison with all the insults , hatred and the humiliating swearings my father repeated non-stop against me , I noticed that the sharp knife of 'gorgon' on my throat , threating to cut my head was more bearable than the hatred in the swearings and the insults of my father . This time I was really miserable in the highest meaning of this word . Until then I thought that I have been humiliated at the 'charitable woman' s house , when I was sheepherding I imagined that there is not any kid in the world lower and more forgotten than me . But in that morning , at my father's home , the behaviour of my father caused that I praised that 'charitable woman' who was just a stranger and if she didn't love me , she was right because I was just a stranger kid at her home and I wasn't her child and despite of this fact she still kept me in her home and gave me shelter and never humiliated me in this manner and never I heard a single swear or insult from her despite of her indifference toward me .

This time my arrival to the home lasted longer because I had to wait at the butcher store because of all the clients , on the other hand I was very tired because of all my running , the muscles of my legs were so contracted that I was unable running fastly . Anyway breathless I arrived at home and put the meat in front of my father in all fear and trembling .

My father frowning and with eyes full of anger took the meat and begun examining the meat . In a second he threw the meat violently at my face from the distance he had with me and said :" go , go... moron ! what an idiot kid , he has not even the least common sense to buy a meat , this meat is so spoiled that it smells ! hurry up and go give it back and bring me the money , we don't want any meat ...! . My face lost its sensation because of the violence of the meat shot and was stood up stupefyied . I took the meat from the floor and meanwhile I noticed that my mother and my siblings were sharing this anger and hatred of my father and were smiling with satisfaction , approving my father's insults and behaviour as if they were enjoying my humiliation and the siblings were hardly controlling their mockery and laughing . Dizzy and astound once again I went out and while crying I run all the long distance to the butcher store , this time when the butcher saw me began swearing and looking at me with all his anger and then threw the piece of coin somewhere on the ground and took the meat . Now I have been so humiliated in my father home that the reaction of the butcher didn't touch me anymore and considered it normal . I put the tiny piece of coin in the small pocket of my shirt and left the butcher's store . I went back home with an indescribable feeling of failure . Once in front of my father I began searching for the tiny coin in my small pocket but at my astonishment I couldn't find it . My father without looking at me tended his hand to take the piece of coin . I searched hard for finding the tiny coin but not any trace of it . At that moment I found myself in such a pathetic situation that even now by recalling it I want to cry . I was terrifyied and as long I was searching for it the intensity of my terror and fear was becoming more and more dreadful , because I searched all my pockets but not any trace of the coin . Some pairs of curious and suspicious eyes were observing me . My body was covered by my cold sweat and I could become crazy . My father shouted with anger :" hurry up , give me back the money , somebody else would go buying , you didn't show yourself worth of this task !" . I was paralyzed out of fear and stupefaction , once again he shouted and I could just say that seemingly the coin has been lost from my pocket ...My father by hearing my answer began laughing long and bitterly and with a mocking tone said :" what ? you want cheating you tricker ? you want deceive me ? look at this , not even two days in the father home and he wants cheating me ... I don't accept this sort of trickery , go quickly and find the money if not you are not allowed to come back home , if since the first day you begin your stay with thievery and trickery , only god knows the bitter end , look at this tiny creature who knows well the way of thievery ...." . I was so stupefied by all these inculpating and slanderous words that I could just move and getting out and once outdoor I began crying so long because of my hurt . I didn't expect that my mother come consoling me , I already knew that such an expectation was vain . But my very surprise was because of my father reaction , he didn't notice that I spent hundred times more money than that piece of coin lost on the butcher way , for buying lot of priceless gifts for my family members . I saved that money during the time I was with the Solen family and I spent all of my saving for them , moreover I offered all the things which were precious to me , the books and the different toys and games to my siblings , the things which were each one a souvenir from the people and the events I divided generously among my family members and now my father inculpated me for the thief of a tiny coin of the meat . I didn't need any money , on the other hand my education was at such a point that I considered the thievery an act as mean and as horrible as a crime and now I have been inculpated for something I hated most of all in the world . I was trembling and didn't know what to do or where to go and was thinking about this first day I was spending at my father's home and about this phrase that if I don't find the money I'm not allowed coming back home .

I spent almost an hour in this state of mind and I was searching for a solution because I didn't have another option apart remaining at my father's home . Those two years of life in respect and generosity among Solen family members seemed to me like a fairy dream and I remembered their heavenly and holy faces and I continued crying . I was confused about going to their house and asking for money , just after two days I left them . So I decided going to the 'sweet-uncle' store , because I already knew that 'sweet-uncle' in some weekend go to the store to check the accounts . Meanwhile I was thinking that if the store was closed I could go seeing another great friend to whom I owed the whole of my life , 'sherven' of course , and after realizing that in this town I had some friends on whom I still could rely , I began walking with a bolder attitude and with a self-confidence . Fortunately the store of 'sweet-uncle' was open and when he saw my pale face and upset look , came at me worrying about the things happened to me and asked what brought me at his store . I told him in few words the story of the meat and the lost coin . He became so disturbed by my tale about the two days life at the father's home that he frowned and was thinking for a while . Then he controlled himself and looked at me with his usual kindness and compassion and put in my hand a bill without saying something to increase my disappointment and sent me back home ...

...Breathless and trembling I entered the house . Once in the room , I saw that everyone was moveless just like statue . When they noticed my presence , they begun watching me with suspicious eyes . My father stared at me with anger as if he was looking at a dangerous criminal . I approached carefully with a shivering heart . They were all waiting to see my reaction and to know the 'destiny' of that lost piece of coin . Then I took the bill from my pocket and gave it to my father . At this moment I noticed that the bill was four times more than the coin my father gave me to buy the meat . My father took the money and looked at it with a sort of surprise and put it in his pocket without asking me how I could get that money and from where . So I didn't say a word .

Anyway at each moment there was always a pretext for my solitary suffering . After all those years of desperation of my early childhood and after all my eagerness for finding and seeing my mother , not only she didn't express any care or kindness but on the contrary beside her indifference , it seemed that she really enjoyed mistreating and humiliating me , such an attitude provoked necessarily the hostility and the suspicion of my siblings toward me . At first I thought that maybe she is naturally indifferent and introverted woman and if she had the same attitude with her other children, I would not be hurt at this point , but I noticed that she had this reaction only toward me and she built with this hostility a sort of barricade with her other children against me , and quite simply because she was fearing my father, she didn't dare expressing openly her hatred toward me in front of him .

Many years later , after reading lot of books in the field of psychology and psychoanalysis and also all the great novels which explained the tales of lot of children or people having the similar experiences than me , I tried to understand the background of such a behaviour and the impact of genetics and the personal griefs in humans, I forgave all the pain and all the trauma my mother behaviour produced in me throughout my life , because I knew that my parents were suffering a sort of psychological disorder which put them apart from all the ordinary and caring parents , and they belonged to the category of 'sick' parents , and the sick people are not responsible for their acts or thoughts .

Because of my natural optimism, at those moments I tried to deceive myself and was thinking that maybe after seeing all my love and honesty toward her , she would become kind with me and progressively she would learn to love me after all these years of separation and would lose her hostility .

I should mention that the room my parents rented was one of the rooms in the house of a very nice woman . Because of the necessary contacts with her , she became familiar with the mentality of her new tenants and showed toward me a particular kindness and attention and loved me as her own child , so she paid more attention to me than to others because she had noticed that I was somehow rejected in the family , so sometimes she praised my sweetness in front of my mother and the children , and my mother frowned at these moments and showed openly that she didn't like such remarks .

One of those days it happened to me something that didn't leave the least doubt that my life was totally indifferent for my mother. In an afternoon when I came back home from school , I had to pass by some trees in the garden before reaching the house , accidently my foot has been entraped in some hole and I fell down on the ground , before standing up I noticed that the blood was flowing from my wrist , wounded by some broken glasses of a bottle . The lady , owner of the house was doing some laundry in the garden and saw this accident and letted me know that I had better to hurry up for joining the room and to band my wrist . Terrifyied and upset I entered the room and was hopping that my parents and the children by seeing me in that state would precipitate toward me and would help me , but not any reaction , neither the least move , they were all sat quietly , my father was reading some book and was so absorbed that he even didn't turn his head toward me , my siblings were looking at me with an absolute indifference and my mother , sitting in a corner was helping my little brother to sleep and with her usual calm , threw a look at me , then frowning told me :"be careful , the blood would make dirty the floor , hurry up to clean it if not the carpet would get soiled !". I was dizzy and at each moment I could lose conscience , the voice of the landlady shaked me because she asked anxiously my mother if the blood flowing has been stopped , but at her astonishment she saw what was happening , so in a hurry she kept my shoulders and brought me in her room and letted me sit on a bed and begun cleaning my wrist with cotton and boiled water and then used some disinfectant on the wound and banded carefully my wrist . She was so upset that her face was colourless out of anxiety and with a trembling voice she comforted me by saying :" thank god that your main artery has not been cut if not the loss of blood would exhaust you ". She letted me stay for some minutes in her room and because the tea was ready , she insisted that I take the tea with some jam and still was consoling me , after a while when I felt better I went at our room and took refuge in my corner .

36

My days were spending so without any change in my relation with my parents and siblings , and each day increased my sorrow and disappointment . My father intended moving definitely to the homeland and this fact would necessarily change seriously my destiny . Moreover , with all the psychological characteristics I noticed in my parents , this migration was making the perspective of my destiny even darker and my future completely unknown . I asked myself what was my link to them and for what reason I might follow them , how my mother would treat me or stand me once in the new country? , how my siblings would accept me while in this short time they showed all their indifference and hatred ?, what would guarantee the improvement of our future relationship ? nothing at all . But my father didn't pay any attention to all of this and ignored absolutely the details of my relation with my mother or my siblings , this sort of feelings was totally meaningless and unimportant to him , he considered himself my father and as like the father of his three other children , and it seemed natural to him that I follow his plan and projects , he didn't notice how much I was ignored by them and how much I was a subject of hatred for my mother and my siblings , finally I found myself among them a creature without any value , worth or identity and realized that I had fallen in a very threatening thread without any outlet , and the rescue seemed almost impossible .

My siblings showed openly that they didn't like to accept me in their 'equip', all their talks were confidential and ear to ear , hiding everything from me , also I couldn't understand what caused that they have been educated as very selfish and arrogant children who never letted a 'stranger' joins their 'complicity' unless exceptionally and apparently I wasn't considered that exception . Their main amusement was mocking the other ones or making fun of people by some 'coded' gestures , they were always awaiting for finding a new subject for their amusement . For example the event of the meat I had to buy, became the best subject for their laughing and mockery for weeks in a way that my big brother created and organized a theatre on that ground and performed it in front of my stupefyied eyes . Most nights I was sitting in my corner in the room and was revising my courses and when my father was not at home , my brother performed the 'theatre of meat' which was an insulting act with strange voices and gestures which were apparently mine , and my mother , sister and my little brother were rolling on the floor out of laugh and I was looking at them astonished . I remembered that in the 'sweet-uncle' home , what an endeavour was made to distract and to amuse wisely a child and how much encouragement was showed to cheer up or to extend the creativity of children , and now I was witnessing bitterly that my talented brother and my smart sister used their creativity to hurt their own brother and I felt sorry for all of that . In this house I even didn't dare to praise god because I already knew that it would become a new subject to make fun of me and to create a new mocking 'theatre'. Sometimes when I tried to occupy myself with drawing or painting , each time I had to stop my work because they didn't let me doing that and tried to discourage me .

One afternoon ,'sherven' came visiting me . His arrival at those desperate moments of my state of mind was just like the appearance of a protector angel . When he has been informed of the coming of my parents in that town , despite of all his occupations with his studies and his private life , he came visiting my parents at our place and to greet them . On that afternoon my father was at home . Sherven , once seeing my father shaked his hand warmly and greeted him for the happiness they provided for me by their arrival in the town . Despite of the cold and indifferent welcome of my father , 'sherven' sat few minutes on the floor . Meanwhile I begun explaining shortly all the devotion and all the things 'sherven' did to save my life . In fact I owed the path of my life and my destiny to 'sherven' , without his recommandations maybe I would never been accepted in the 'solen' family and maybe I would be killed by people like 'gorgon'. But the absolute indifference my father showed toward 'sherven' and his role in my life , proved his complete indifference about my whole life . Sherven didn't express his surprise for such an encounter . My mother and the children didn't come in the room at all and they kept themselves busy in the kitchen and even didn't offer to him a cup of tea . I knew very well that 'sherven' was astonished by such an encounter but didn't express something or saying a word , so he stood up to leave us and said goodbye to my father who without moving just made a sign with his head . Sherven was touched because his face became red but he tried to not let me notice something to avoid increasing my trouble and my embarrassment . While leaving he offered to me the gift he had brought with him . It was a splendide leather briefcase for the school , which could be opened and closed by two bright locks , it was really amazing , the smell of the leather was enthralling , although I couldn't separate myself from that gift , but I put it carefully in my corner just to farewell 'sherven' till the door of the house . Sherven was happy that I liked his gift but I was sure that he was touched by the cold welcome of my father .

Once outdoor , we walked alongside in the street 'sherven' and me and I begun expressing my excuses for the cold encounter of my father and I added :"Sherven , I'm really sorry that my father didn't express any gratitude or respect toward you , he is so , this is his character , what can I do ? while I know and acknowledge all the sacrifices you did for me and how many times you saved my life , I hope someday I would be able to recompense all you did for me . Maybe it would be better to never come visiting them and avoiding such a disrespectful encounter . Sometimes I think that maybe it would be better for me too to never meet my parents because all my dreams about the biological parents have been vanished and seem absurd . Their behaviour is so that I believe genuinely that if I had never known them or seen them I would be certainly happier , at least if such a meeting never occured , my destiny would be clearer and more obvious ... maybe I have better to leave them at all ..." . Sherven who remained silent all this time and was listening carefully and quietly to my complaining words and time to time looked at me with his intelligent eyes , suddenly has been surprised by my last statement and astonishingly told me :"what is this nonsense talk ? do you think others home would be better than your own? do you think that the others would be more kind and more caring than your own parents ? . I replied :"Sherven , the behaviour and the reactions of these people who are seemingly my biological family is so strange that sometimes I think that maybe it has happened essentially a mistake , and maybe they are not really my parents ". Sherven consoled me by saying :" my friend , you are too sensitive and too susceptible ", then he stopped and while his face was reflecting an especial shining , looked at me with a direct glance full of kindness and calm and added :" don't forget that you have a friend like me who is always ready to help you and to protect you , you can always rely on me , just throw away all of this disturbing thought and take it easy for a while , I'm sure that you will have a bright furture ".

I have been so impressed by what he said that I took his hand , shaked it and expressed my gratitude , feeling a sort of warmth in my heart and my eyes were in tears . Sherven quickly proposed :" look , come have dinner with me and my fiancee , her family invited me for dinner and I'm sure that my fiancee would really enjoy seeing you because she always ask about your news , and you will forget all the things which torment you for the moment", before I could reply , he added :" but first I should deliver my study project to my professor who lives with his family just in this quarter , you can be in my company till there if you want ". I followed him eagerly and noticed that we left behind us few streets away from my parents home , so I continued my walk with him . Sherven retrieved his usual joyful mood and forgot completely the scene of my parents home and begun whispearing some song , his projects for the future had absorbed all his attention , meanwhile he said :"you know in few months in summer holidays I will get married , because my studies are almost finished and I will have a stable job , so tonight at my fiancee home we will talk about the date of our wedding ". I felt so happy for him because he was the very man if not the only one who deserved the happiness and I expressed all my best wishes for him and his fiancee . He looked at me with an extreme kindness , and he walked fastly and I was almost running to reach him . At this moment I remembered 'gorgon' , so I asked if he had any new of him . He slowed down his walk and he didn't become angry like in the past by hearing the name of 'gorgon', on the contrary he said with a wise attitude :" you know , if you see 'gorgon' you would not recognize him at all . He doesn't look the same he looked in the past , he wore very elegant and expensives clothes , walk and talk with a very distinguished manner , smile to the people around and keep his head so upside that no one can doubt his noble origin , there are always lot of people like servants around him and try to please him by all means , anyway his look doesn't provoke any hatred or despise anymore , everyone respects him . He succeeded to create a 'dignifyied' status for himself by establishing relationship with all the influential people in the city . I noticed something strange about the human nature , humans who consider themselves smart and intelligent accept very easily a 'lie' , a 'vanity' and a 'wrong' which has a good appearance as the most authentic and the most genuine reality . On the other hand , all these years I learned that we can't solve a problem or establishing the justice by fighting or by force , and it's impossible to defend the righteousness by eliminating an evil-doer ". Sherven noticed my surprise and while smiling added :" don't be surprised my little friend and don't think that I lost my combative spirit for the justice , the righteousness or the goodness , not at all , simply I changed my ways of fighting or denouncing the evil , now I'm acting mostly by my mind than by the force of my muscles. Each time I see or encounter 'gorgon', and my whole body and mind is invaded by the anger and hatred against the evil , instead of struggling or fighting him with my fists , first I control myself and then I evaluate all the aspects of my reaction and think about the best way to denounce the badness . By denouncing 'gorgon' , only a tiny part of the human hypocrisy, corruption , deceit and compromise is revealed . Recently I learned to lead my energy and eagerness for the justice toward the self-control , to try to be good myself and being an effective model of the best and the most noble principles and qualities , also during all this time I noticed that how much the justice praised in the books has been corrupted and disguised in the real life . This is a very complicated and very complex issue just like the human nature and it is impossible to establish that with empty hand or just by our body forces . Where we believe that we have been just and worked for the righteousness , we notice surprisingly that we made a mistake somewhere else and we have been wrong and injust in other fields ".

I couldn't understand what 'sherven' was talking about , but I had the impression that lot of changes occured in him which had transformed that young vigorous and fervent boy to a wise and thoughtful man . At this time we arrived to the garden of the house of 'sherven's professor .Two beautiful kids shouted out of joy when they saw 'sherven' and called their mother . Some moments later a tall and gorgeous woman of almost forty appeared and welcomed warmly 'sherven'. Despite of her age , her beauty was intact . She was stalking sweetly toward 'sherven' and I noticed that all her gestures were for attracting 'sherven's attention and didn't notice at all my presence . Sherven showed himself very serious and official and automatically mentioned his study project and gave her the package he had in the hand and asked her to give it to her husband . The beautiful woman accepted gladly this errand and said plaisantly :" Oh Mr. Sherven , you can't imagine how much my husband respects you , he always talk about your intelligence and genius , we are really proud of you and your friendship is an honour for us " . Sherven was in a hurry to join her fiancee dinner party , so he postponed the invitation of the beautiful woman for having tea with them . The woman insisted on her invitation and asked 'sherven' to come visiting them one of these days . Sherven greeted the woman very officially and said goodbye , meanwhile I remained stupefyied by the gestures and the body language of that seductive woman , but with a sign of 'sherven' I followed him . The children wouldn't leave him and were sticked at him and expressed their joy and love . Sherven spent few minutes with the children for their amusement , but the gorgeous woman couldn't farewell 'sherven' till the door of the garden , because the arrival of a guest attracted all her attention . I threw a glance to the very elegant guest who was waiting for the host at the door of the garden . The seductive woman by seeing him shouted cheerfully and stalked toward the guest to welcome him . He was no one apart 'gorgon' . I could recognize him because of 'sherven's description about the new look of 'gorgon'. Astonished , I asked myself how a villain creature with such a mean and obscure past could be flattered and acknowledged by a gorgeous and respectable woman who had a high standing and distinguished husband . Sherven noticed my stupefaction and while himself tried to controll all his negative emotions by seeing 'gorgon' and while we were walking toward the garden door and leaving that place told me with a contracted voice :"that's true , these days , 'gorgon' enjoy the attention and the interest of lot of beautiful women , money , high social position and most importantly the power are a magic that transform the most horrible looks and make them agreeable and sometimes adorable . He is now one of the responsibles of a vast organization against the border bandits and smugglers and he could gain the trust and confidence of lot of influential personalities in the region . Apparently he succeeded arresting mysteriously one of the jewellery robbers who was his accomplice and associate in the past and so became a 'trustful' character . Yes my dear and innocent friend , it is so , now he enjoys even the affection and love of the most beautiful women too , you see well that the noble principles and the moral values which are praised in the books and among the good families are not always recognized by everyone , and different people have multiple and various interpretations of the beauty and the truth".

When I was walking in the street along with 'sherven', it was already evening and I begun feeling a sort of anxiety by recalling our house and my parents and siblings and because of all I heard from 'sherven' and what I witnessed earlier in the garden by seeing the new look and the new 'identity' of 'gorgon' . I was tormented by what I had in front of me : my family , and the scenes I left behind and the words of 'sherven' ; all the pure and noble values , beliefs and principles I considered until now intact and absolute , have been defected and seemed to me so fragile and so easily destructible . Sherven intended reaching his fiancee home and I was so upset that I presented my excuses to 'sherven' and asked him to greet her from my part , although 'sherven' insisted that I spend the night with them and having dinner at their place , but I refused because I had an apprehension of something bad in my family , so I greeted him and expressed my best wishes and all my gratitude for everything he did for me until then. Sherven shaked my hand warmly and promised that he would come seeing me again and expressed all his usual care , attention and kindness , and we went each one toward our destination .

37

When I arrived at home , my heart was beating too fast and I entred the room with hesitating steps , a frighful atmosphere was reigned there , the 'accusating' eyes stared me , my siblings were looking at me with resentment . I could bear all of this because of the comforting words of 'sherven', but apparently my mother after the leaving of 'sherven' came into the room with the company of the children and had insulted and criticized me and my friend until my arrival , and because she couldn't control her hatred , told me with a threatening tone of voice :"this was the last time that you bring someone in this house , this is not a caravansary for the vagrants to come and to go ", then she whispered groaning :"as if his own trouble was not enough, he gathers the others here ", and then to complete her threat she added :"since tonight your place is in the corridor in order you learn the rules of this house". Astound I begun to give an order to my things in the corner of the room , the leather suitcase was shining there and this was the only thing which comforted me . My father was plunged in his silence and didn't add a word to these statements. During my absence they had their dinner , so I knew that I would have nothing to eat . While I was in tears , I took my torn piece of stuff and pillow for sleeping and spread them in a corner of the corridor under the stairs and in between of the silent mockery and whispearing of my siblings I brought my suitcase and books to the corridor and installed them on my torn stuff spread ther . In the darkness I lay down and was thinking about my miserable days .

The night my mother rejected me openly from their 'assembly' was the beginning of all their future reactions toward me . After then , I was not anymore surprised by the behaviour of my mother . Many times when I came back home after the school and entered the room to say hello and resting for a while , I noticed that they were all gathered and were talking but once they remarked my presence they stopped their talk and frowning each one kept themselve busy with something without talking to me , and I knew how much my presence was bothering them and how much I was unwanted . Because at this time of evening I couldn't spend time outside , necessarily I remained in a corner of the room , ashamed and confused I kept myself busy with my books and vainly I was hopping to get something to eat . Sometimes in the afternoon when they were having a snack , my mother used to send me to buy something such as salt or sugar just to get rid of me when they were eating and drinking tea , and when I came back home after fulfilling the errand , I noticed that there was nothing for me to eat . Also when I asked my mother to give me a piece of bread , she answered violently :"maybe you want to eat the whole world , we are not responsible for your greedy stomack".

I was spending my growing years and I was always deprived of food . Starvation is a pain that no one can realize that if they never had such an experience , especially in the childhood . In the nights I was spending alone in that dark , cold and humid corridor , and while I was starving , I used to think about the nights I spent alone on the terrace of the house of that 'charitable woman' , when I couldn't sleep out of terror of the attack of the bandits , I asked myself what was the difference when I was in the home of the strangers , suffering pain , anxiety and starvation while at my father's home I was even more rejected than always , especially in my teen years my sensitiveness has been increased and I felt the pain and hurt in a more touching way . In the childhood I was unable to evaluate the extent of my misery and was only considering the general state of things which were disturbed and chaotic , but in these very critical teen years of eleven or twelve when the most hidden feelings and thoughts display themselves and all the dreams express their claim , the least accident or hurting event could change definitely the path of our life and destiny . At this moment I couldn't understand why I had to be humiliated in this way , while there was really not a difference between me and my siblings in either domain , and mostly I couldn't realize the hatred of my mother toward me since my birth .

Sometimes , in very rare and exceptional occasions , in my mother occured a total change of personality and showed herself very kind toward me , in a way that I couldn't recognize her and these occasions were the nights when my father came at home very late , almost early in the morning , and no one knew where he was or what he was doing . These nocturnal absence of my father frightened till death my mother , because in that house , apart my family was living only the landlady , and the walls of the garden were too short and the quarter was not really populated and at each moment any stranger , thief or evil-doer could enter easily in the house and my mother was afraid spending the nights without the presence of a man , so my mother after the children were sleeping called me from the corridor inside and told me with a kind deceitful tone of voice :"what a good boy you are , I know that you are the only one among my children who loves me most of all , you are a wise and kind boy , look at these who slept peacefully and don't care at all about their mother , sit just here and be carefull to not fall asleep and go open the door when your father comes at home , instead I will give you a piece of bread ". My natural obedience and this belief that the shortcoming in the fuffillment of the mother's order was wrong , also because I was thirsty of the least sign of kindness from my mother even though fake and the promise of recieving a piece of bread conviced me to remain awake till early in the morning . While everyone was sleeping peacefully in their warm and soft bed , I was struggling with all sort of painful thoughts and when my father beat the door early in the morning , I had to pass through all the trees of the garden which looked dreadful in that time of the night and reach a dark corridor which led to the main door of the house and open the door for my father. In this way my mother avoided being insulted by her husband for not coming opening the door , and she kept me hungry till the morning and after having fulfilled the duty and after the coming of my father I was so exhausted that I didn't have any appetit and fell asleep in the corner of the corridor at my usual place under the stairs .

Sometimes I imagined or was hopping that maybe my devotion in these nights which were repeated regularily , would make my mother a bit kinder , but in my astonishment I noticed that in the morning she regained her usual attitude and her indifference or her violent insulting words were repeatedly expressed . Then I realized my mistake and knew that her fake kindness was just for abusing me .

Under the impact of my mother attitude and her continual hostile suggestions , my siblings organized each day a new 'act' or 'scene' to mistreat me . In my education , I learned that the respect toward parents was a duty which should never be neglected , but unfortunately , I never known based on what sort of superstition , she considered me a sort of horrible demon or her most dangerous enemy . As I mentioned previously , later I knew that she was suffering of a sort of mental disorder , but always unknow for herself or for the surrounding and she lived all her life with this disorder without being suspected of 'a mental case' . One afternoon , I was busy in my corner to give some order to my books and notebooks in the suitcase 'sherven' offered to me . At this moment my fourteen years old brother was playing with my three years old brother , laughing and kidding and were running after each other in the room . The loud sound of their kidding filled the whole room , in one of these turns , my big brother grasped my suitcase from my hand and continued his laughing and running and as he was whirling he beat strongly the suitcase to the door and the walls of the room . Astonished I was looking at the act of my brother and at each turn of the suitcase in the air and in the cruel hands of my brother I felt that my whole existence was taken as a meaningless thing to be mocked and insulted . I was in tears and my brother was observing me to evaluate the intensity of my anger . My calm and moveless attitude in the corner of the room seemingly provoked my brother to beat the suitcase more strongly to the walls . He repeated this act so much that I noticed suddenly that a side of the suitcase was torn and the locks broken , he was laughing foolishly and his whirling became more crazy . My sister was looking in an absolute indifference to this scene , my mother was drinking her cup of tea and looked few moments to me and some other moments to my brother who was the 'hero' of this act and sometimes smiled bitterly . I realized that as long as I show myself calm , kind and gentle ,as long they would increase their mistreating and insults and their insolence , so suddenly I decided to defend my rights , I stood up and shouted to retrieve my suitcase . My brother begun taking my books from the suitcase and with the complicity of my little brother , they threw the books and all the notebooks in the air in a way that all the pages have been scattered around . My shouting didn't work , they took the books I had in the corner of the room and whirled them by the pages in the air , so out of anger I sticked to the suitcase my brother still kept in his hands . We were struggling and he tried by all means to pull out the suitcase from my hands but he failed and moved back and I was dragged after him , he increased his endeavour but couldn't take the suitcase although I was two years younger than him slimer and skinny my forces prevailed his and I sticked the suitcase to my chest , then my brother hanged himself with all his weight to the suitcase and when I couldn't handle his weight , we both rolled on the floor still struggling each one sticking a side of the suitcase and he wouldn't leave it . My mother at this moment shouted :" help , help , this crazy boy is killing my son , take him , beat him and crash his head !" . But no one dared approching , my sister and my little brother noticed that I was not in my ordinary temper . The intensity of my anger was so that my big brother suddenly moved back and left the suitcase and was furious because of his failure . I took refuge in my corner and wiped my tears and kept myself busy with my suitcase and its broken locks and gathered all the pages of my torn books and notebooks . My mother looked at me with a threatening air , my brother groaning out of anger for his failure begun insulting me using obscene words full of hatred and resentment . My sister and little brother along with my mother sat in a line forming a union against me and were staring me as if they were looking at an horrible stranger . My angry brother shouted with hatred :"look at us that we have given shelter to a vagrant boy , he has suffered such a miserable life than now he is losing himself for a torn cheap suitcase", the others encouraged him with their loud laughs , then he added :"a cheap gift of another vagrant is not a reason for such an arrogance !". I couldn't stand more than this all the insults , especially when he called 'sherven' a vagrant and I remembered that my mother used the same word to qualify 'sherven' , so I left the room and in the corridor I letted my tears flowing freely .

Almost half an hour I was out and then when I retrieved my calm , exhausted I entered in the room to take my suitcase and all my books left in the room . My little brother once noticing my presence said to my big brother :"see , your dearest one appeared", my big brother shrinking his lips out of anger said :"we had not enough wolves in our forest , another one arrived by ship" , my sister with her usual arrogant air added :"wow , what a surprise , look at this who is sitting with such a boast in the ship as if he wants to blind the captain's eyes". So they were expressing their hatred by using this sort of despising and humiliating statements . They were resentful because I didn't let them 'peacefully' tearing my books and destroy my suitcase and notebooks . I found myself in a pityful situation , everyone in that home was hostile and suspicious toward me , with a knotted throat I took all my things and left the room and while crying I went to the garden . The landlady found me there while my eyes were bloody red because of the weight of my misery and all my crying , she has been impressed by my pathetic state , called me and asked anxiously :"my son , what was happening again in your house , I heard terrifying noises and I was worrying about you , I wanted to come to see you that you came yourself , you look terrible and too skinny , what's wrong with you , come in my home and rest for a while ". She took my hand and brought me to her home . She was not alone , one of her friends who was a very kind and good looking lady was there too and she seemed happy by seeing me . The landlady wiped my tears and letted me sit beside herself and then she offered to me a cup of tea , cookies and jam and some fruits . It was a long time that I hadn't taste any fruit or cookies . My emotional burden was lightened by such a warm and kind reception of the landlady . Her friend tried to console me and because I needed to confide my burden to someone I begun describing all the attitude and behaviour of my mother and the things my brother and sister expressed in their hatred .They were astonished by all I told them and stupefyied they looked to each other for some moments and while I was eating fruit I heard that they were talking quietly about the surprising statements of my siblings and deduced that these were not the thoughts of the children but the statements they heard and learned from their mother who certainly repeated many times in front of the children . The nice woman , friend of our landlady shaked her head out of sorrow and desolation and said :"it's really strange , in this world there are lot of people who are desperately hopping having a child and they are ready to give their whole existence and all they possess to have such a sweet and nice child and some others have lot of children and try to get rid of them and put them on the way or leave them in the orphanage". The landlady excited by this statement said :"I noticed the unkindness of the mother of this innocent kid when the blood was flowing from his wounded wrist and she was looking at this scene with an absolute indifference , I'm sure if some passerby was witnessing this scene would precipitate to help him or even an enemy would feel a compassion . At first I knew nothing about the relationship of the mother with this son of her and I thought that she had the same kind feelings than me about him , so I always praised his intelligence, talents and sweetness , but surprisingly I found that not only these compliments didn't make her proud or joyful but in the contrary she frowned and bitterly she changed the topic of the discussion and talked about all the good and positive qualities of her other children and sometimes she mentioned undirectly the unkindness and the trickery of this child ". The landlady's friend noticed my sigh and sorrow and said :" indeed how strange , each day we are witnessing a new side of the weirdness of the humans life, it seems that none of the behaviours of people is based on rationality and logic , as if everyone was obsessed or possessed by some 'demon' , when they love , they don't know why and when they hate they ignore the reason either , all people have became selfish , egocentric and arrogant ". Then addressing to me she added :"my poor little child , it seems that the affair of your parents and your family is not an exception , I heard a bit of the story of your life and your past from my friend , I think that you are in fact an exceptional child and for sure some metaphysical forces are protecting you , the innocent expression of your sweet and bright face , the shine of your eyes and all your kindness are witnessing that you will have a brilliant future , my only advice to you is to remain always honest , kind and good and your happiness would be assured " , then she kissed my forehead and when I was leaving the landlady took me in her arms and kissed me and said :"how lovely and sweet you are!".

...The moments I spent at the landlady's home relieved my sorrow. I went in the garden and lay down under a willow tree and I was thinking about the sweet and kind words of those two women . I couldn't understand that how everyone noticed and talked about my charming look and sweetness while my mother hated and ignored me . Until then I thought that maybe because I was ugly and bad looking and not as beautiful as my siblings that my mother hated me and the reason of her hatred was my ugliness , but at my surprise I was always the center of attention everywhere we went with my siblings and everyone praised my charm even more than the beauty of my siblings . In vain I was searching for a logical reason for the hatred of my mother toward myself because at this moment I couldn't realize the complexity of the human mind and its emotions . So I deduced that maybe something was wrong with my behaviour and I was not enough kind and caring about them , or maybe I had a cold attitude which incited their despise and hatred and was unable to express my warm emotions and feelings toward them . Then I remembered the word of that woman who said to me :"be sure ,you are a lovely child, and because since your birth you have been rescued from all the fatal accidents , you will certainly be happy and your future would be brilliant because of your exceptional destiny , don't be disappointed , all your dreams would come true someday ". These words filled me with a sort of positive energy and erased all the bitterness stocked in my heart . It was late in the evening and through the branches of the willow tree I could see the stars who were shining pleasantly and created an enchanting scenery , I felt that I reached the Beauty of the world and then I vowed that all my life I will be nice , kind , honest and human toward everyone , so gradually I tried to clean all the resentment and badness I could find in my soul and began believing that if I become good and kind myself , certainly it would leave some impact on the others . So I stood up and gathered some wild flowers and made a bouquet and went with my best intentions to the corridor , moved up the stairs and arrived at our room door , there I heard the voice of my siblings who were discussing and argueing , my big brother was saying with a loud voice :"he sulked now and would never come back", my sister said with an angry voice :"how good, he'd better getting lost and never come here , this is not a place for him , we are largely enough and don't need someone else bothering and troubling us ", at this time my mother replied :"do you think that he would find a better place than this ? where can he go apart this home ? I'm sure that we would never get rid of him and each day he would mistreat you more and more ", at this time my mother sighed and added :"I wonder how this one appeared suddenly in our life". This last statement of my mother hurt me in a way that I forgot all my vows and regretted my intention to gain their love and attention by offering some flower to them . So I took refuge in my place in the corridor under the stairs and once again I cryied a lot . Although I was very hungry , but my pain was so great that I forgot my hunger and was thinking about what could I do or what should I do in such a condition . I almost didn't see my father unless sleepy and early in the morning , on the other hand how could I complain about all of this or about their behaviour to him , was he himself more kind and loving toward me than the others ? Could he force my mother to love me ? Does a fake love would satisfy me ? Sometimes I deceived myself by thinking that it would be possible to incite her to stop her despise and hatred toward me , because I was convinced in that moment that she was an 'intelligent' and 'wise' woman because she showed herself very competent in managing things and she always found a solution for the most difficult problems and she was always aware and lucid about her very interests . But that night I realized that few people in the world followed the rules of the logic and reason , instead they were mostly prey of their instincts and emotions which become a second nature for them and so all the troubles are created in this manner among humans .

That night I slept in my corner in the corridor and had a wonderful dream about a warm and loving family and a bright life full of hope and happiness . But my dream didn't last long because I've been awakened by the beating of the door . Like a wire I jumped and went to open the door for my father . He didn't ask a word about how I was doing because at this moment his only concern was our moving back to the homeland and the way and the time of preparing ourselves for this journey.

In the morning when I opened my eyes , I regretted that , I wished never been awakened and losing all my life in an eternal sweet and soft sleep . My mother called me for some errands . I was serving in that home like a servant and an errand boy , I used to do all the works of the house , even the laundry , the shopping , the doorkeeping . My siblings ordered me to do lot of things for them and my mother rejoiced that she could use me as a servant for her children and so was showing her love to them . Sometimes my siblings , late in the night wanted to have cake or cookies , and if because of the darkness I refused going out , my mother out of anger begun cursing and insulting me repeatedly and presenting me as their most dangerous and horrible enemy and she explained :" you see , didn't I tell you that he's a useless buddy ?if he refuses going out buying something for you , what would be his use ? I told you that he doesn't recognize mother and siblings , he's an ungrateful creature ". She repeated all of this sort of statements days and nights , so my siblings without following any common sense , blindly believed what their mother said , and her opinion and beliefs gradually made up their mind for considering me as their enemy and at each moment they showed their hostility and increased their insults and curses , in a way that this behaviour became a sort of custom and duty for them. I deduced that how much the wrong opinions and suggestions of the parents and their wrong advices could give a wrong education to the children in such a way that they become unable to judge things impartialy and when this path is traced for the family members , they would necessarily follow this path , and because the family is a part of the human society , this sort of hostility and animosity provoke conflicts among the tribes and nations and they end in deadly wars . Also I realized that humans had a very rebellious nature hardly took under control by the reason and wisdom , the least word could create a bloody conflict and an unavoidable war .

38

In my tortuous life , I was always pushed forward by unexpected incidents , without any family or home , I was like a broken ship wandering on a stormy and threatening ocean , prey of the aweful waves , throwing me at each moment somewhere unknown and at each bend I encounterd things that few people could have experienced , at each moment I found myself in front of different sort of humans with various temper , beliefs and behaviour , in a way that I could observe and evaluate the state of mind of the people , and because my desperate eyes were always searching for some kindness and help , I could recognize the ones who had unselfish good intentions toward their fellow human and had a heart full of compassion , and this category of people believed always in some noble principles and their behaviour was dictated by sense and wisdom.

My family considered itself very modern and very human and each one claimed having high ideals and the most advandced humanitarian wishes and they were always talking about the well-being and the happiness of all people around the world and if someone expressed something against their claims , they were ready to crash the teeth and mouth of the one who dared doubting their claims . The same family members who had such a humanitarian ideals , ignored and mistreated their own son and brother quite easily as if I was an exception in the humanity and didn't deserve their 'humanitarian' feeling .

Anyway , when we find ourselves in front of a situation which seems without any outled , we search for some exit or relief to make the circumstances more bearabable . My condition in that house worsened each day and sometimes I decided to leave it forever and once again taking refuge in the home of strangers but this time without having the least illusion about the biological family and continuing my life by accepting my miserable past and all my painful experiences . The indifference of my parents and the inappropriate hatred of my siblings created such an horrible astmosphere that I intended going somewhere else at least for some time in order I could think peacefully and deciding for my life . But once again I realized that all the bridges were broken and cut behind me and it was absolutely impossible to go back at the 'sweet-uncle' home . I learned this when few days earlier I went seeing 'sweet-uncle' at his store and was complaining about my family members and their behaviour and told him shortly my way of life among them . I noticed that 'sweet-uncle' has been very impressed and felt very sorry for what happened to me , but he could do nothing for me because in his beliefs , a child who has parents , bad or good , it is up to them to decide about their children , especially a child who had a father like mine who was a well-know man in that region , and if such a child leaves his parents , it would be shameful and the sign of a rebellious child who deserved beeing blamed . Then when I thought about my old friend and protector 'sherven' , I imagined him too busy with his private life , on the other hand he could always be a devoted friend for me , but he never could give me shelter and taking care of me in his home , I was a foreigner and this would cause trouble for him , that's why I found myself completely blocked by each side .

But I should mention that despite of my hurt soul who was always searching for the least care and needed the least kindness and now that I found myself in an hostile surrounding and had to suffer the angry frowning faces of my mother and siblings and their hatred and indifference , my heart who was always beating eagerly only for love and kindness , some inner strange force incited me to bear all of this and showing myself courageous, strong and calm and leaving my touchy nature , and believing in the truth and the justice which would certainly prevail .

The study year reached its end and I was successful in gaining very high scores at my examinations and getting brilliant results . Mr.Solen was like always very attentive to my studies and talents , so he introduced me to the director of our school and praised all my learning skills and especially my exceptional talents in drawing and painting . The director of the school promised that at the begining of the new study year he would organize a reception feast for the exhibition and the selling of all of my artworks and would dedicate its whole income to the investment of my studies . I felt so enthralled by all these promises and care that I forgot all my domestic troubles and also I even forgot that I had any sorrow , the least cheer up could make me blooming like a neglected tree which had recieved some care and water . That summer, because I noticed that as few time I spend at home as more they would be satisfied and happy, I brought with myself all my painting stuff and brushes within the nature in the countryside and kept myself busy with my paintings under the versatile sunlight in an absolute loneliness . The perspective of organizing an exhibition of my artworks had left a definitive impact on my soul in a way that I became calm and careless about all the mistreating reaction of my family members . I had accepted all my troubles and pains and I discovered that producing artworks would comfort and relieve me forever.

But my new found happiness didn't last long . Because all my concerns during the few past months were whirling around the moods and tempers of my family members , and the remaining time was dedicated to my studies , I could lesser pay attention to the things which happened in the society and in our city , and my only relations with people were restricted to my family members, my usual teachers and schoolmates , and nothing more.

But seemingly lot of things occured during this time and one of them was the last warning to all foreigners to choose their nationality and their citizenship , and I knew this when my father came at home late in the night and announced with his usual insensitive and indifferent air that we should move the next day at noon and leave that region . This was an order and obviously no one dared expressing any protestation or refusal , my siblings could hardly extinguish their surprise and discontent , and my mother was groaning and expressing her protestation very carefully and quietly and obviously none of this could impress my father in changing his mind or even to postpone the day of our travel . I was shocked and was the last one who had a right to protest , upset and very anxious I went at my place in the corridor and was thinking the whole night about this new till the morning . My condition was quite strange , because nothing , absolutely nothing related me to this family , I couldn't understand based on what ground or what link I had to follow them in their journey , while my mother and siblings were hating me , how could they bear me in their company or their settlement in the new country . I was mostly worrying about their feelings toward myself and about their capacity to stand me in this new settlement much more than considering my own feelings . Because I already knew myself that I was able to suffer everything , all sort of deprivation in the new place and forgive them all , but I was not sure about their ability to accept me and to fulfill their engagement toward their son . On the other hand my father ignored all my struggle with my mother and siblings , he was so absorbed by his own business that he could seldom pay any attention to the feelings of his 'touchy' son , my company in this travel was as obvious as the company of the other family members , because his relation with me was not different from his relation with his other children or his wife , and he considered my troubles in the family as the usual troubles among all families , for him the others didn't exist at all , he never bothered himself to think about the soul, feelings , emotions and acts of his children , for him nothing mattered apart himself , and nothing was more important than himself , and this made my condition even more complicated , because for my siblings the settlement in the ancestral homeland would not produce a real change , they already enjoyed the protection of their mother , but for me it was different , leaving that region where I spent whole my young life , where I was familiar with its realities , culture and everything around , especially all the good people I known there on which I could rely , was very hard , although I was eager to know my homeland but what I would become alone , without any protection among the hatred of my family members , I would find myself in an absolute loneliness and isolation and this perspective frightened me till death . No one was telling to me directly and openly that :'we don't love you, we don't like you and we prefer that you don't follow us in this travel", as well as no one told me that I had and I should come with them despite of all the hatred and all the troubles . But one thing was sure for me and it was this fact that in the case of my refusal to be in the company of my family , I would lost all my good friends and people I found and known until then , because I would be considered a rebellious child who didn't follow his family rules and then none would give me shelter or protection and so I would attract all their negative feelings and I would fall too low and my relationship would be once again with all the desperate people like the ones in the orphanage . This perspective was not brighter than the first one . So , early in the morning , after considering all my options which were really few if not nothing , I decided to go with them , hoping that in the new homeland I would build my life and will begin everything from zero . Once my decision has been taken , I begun thinking about how to say goodbye to my friends or how to inform my school about the canceling of my study project and my artworks exhibition and the vanishing of all my hopes in this field , if only I knew this moving plan one day earlier , I could maybe manage some of the things , but it was too late and quite impossible for taking any initiative , I had only few hours before me to say goodbye to the 'sweet-uncle' and to 'sherven' and preparing everything for the travel , because I already knew that I had to do all , gathering our stuff and preparing them for the long travel until noon .

It was early in the morning and all the family members were sleeping , I prepared myself very carefuly and quietly to go out and I heard the roosters singing their song here and there . That was the last morning I was spending in that city of events . I could hardly control myself to not crying because my throat was knotted . Running , I reached the 'sweet-uncle''s store , my heart was beating very fast , the store was closed, and I knew that if I come back late at home to help for the removal , my mother would find a good pretext to cursing and insulting me . Hesitating and disturbed I began running toward 'sherven' s home , the idea that I will leave him forever and maybe I would never see him again made me sad and miserable till death , I began crying during all the long distance and my tears didn't let me see properly , I didn't know how to tell him that I will leave him forever after all the things he did for me in all my childhood . I was breathless once in front of the door of 'sherven' home , I waited some moment to wipe my tears and then I knocked the door . The sun was spreading its generous light , and I had not too much time , no one came at the door , so I knocked once again and this time the maid of 'sherven' home groaning appeared and said with her sleepy and angry voice that 'sherven' and his father went to the countryside for affair and would not come back till the evening and was in a hurry to close the door and going back to sleep, but when crying I asked her with insistance to transmit my message to 'sherven' , she became a bit kinder and assured me that she won't forget . Disappointed and wandering I began running , the sunlight didn't let me see something , so I took the direction of the 'sweet-uncle' s store . I even didn't try to avoid letting my tears falling . The store was open and I entered without hesitation .

...Sweet-Uncle was just arrived at the store and I found him busy with his account book. Once he noticed my presence , came at me and worrying asked how I was doing and for what reason I was there early in the morning after a long time I didn't go visiting him . He guessed that something extraordinary might be happened. With his usual kindness he caressed my head and asked about my news . When my eyes encountered his caring and compassionate look under which I spent almost two years of my life , all my stocked pain of the last few months bursted suddenly and instead of any word I cried for half an hour , I cried with all my potential , as if all the particles in my body were crying . Sweet-Uncle waited patiently that I regain my ordinary state of mind , meanwhile he prepared himself the tea and with the fresh cake he bought in the morning he invited me to take some tea and cake . When I felt exhausted by my crying , I remembered that my family ignored my absence , so in a hurry and with my knotted throat I informed him with few words that I came for farewell and for saying goodbye because we were moving to another country . The impact of this new on the 'sweet-uncle' was such a shock for him that he turned back and sat on a chair for almost a quarter of an hour and covered his face with his hands without the least word . But after a while , he addressed to me and with a quiet and trembling voice said :"my child , it seems that the destiny put you always under a new trial and each time it displays the new and unknown faces and sides of the world , I always told you that you are not an ordinary person and would never have an ordinary life, and because you are an exceptional human , you will get through unexpected adventures and events , but I'm sure that you will always prevail over the obstacles and would win , I will pray for you , and don't forget wherever you would be you can always rely on our help , just keep in touch ". I was still crying and didn't know what to say in reply to all these words of the 'sweet-uncle', then he took from his pocket some valuable bills and put them in my hands , I couldn't and wouldn't accept them , but he insisted and he put them in the side pocket of my jacket and farewelled me . I left the store and was walking on the street crying and at each few steps I returned my face and was seeing 'sweet-uncle' still at the door of the store shaking his hand for me , this scene has been repeated as long as finally he disappeared from my sight .

I began running toward the house and once there I noticed that as I had guessed and supposed , none of them had touched any stuff and they were all awaiting my arrival to manage everything . My mother apparently has spent all this time walking in the room criticizing and cursing me non-stop. My father as usual went out . It was not the best moment for any excuse or explanation , without a word I began categorizing the stuff and gathering them in an orderly way for the removal and making them ready for bringing into the vehicle my father would call eventually . But although I was doing my best that my endeavour and work looks irreproachable , my sister and brother were shouting at each one of my moves , protesting :"not this way , but that way!", without any effort or endeavour from their part , they considered themselves as the masters who are giving order to their servant .

This task lasted till two o'clock in the afternoon and everything was ready , but not any sign from my father , I was very hungry and my mother as usual , at the meal times sent me for some errand , this time she told me to going search for my father at one of his friends home . I knew that they wanted to eat something , anyway I accepted that errand and went searching for my father at the friend s home , but he was not there , when I came back home , they had already their lunch and nothing has been left for me . I didn't say a word and went at my corner in the corridor and was thinking about buying something on the way with the money the 'sweet-uncle' gave to me . Sitting in the corridor under the stairs , I put my head on my knees and was thinking about everything till the arrival of my father . He had stopped a coach in front of the door of the house , automatically we put all the stuff in the coach and everyone sat within comfortably and obviously there was not a place for me , so I hanged myself to a rope which was used to fix the cover of the stuff . All my body was outside of the coach and with the least accident or the tear of the rope I would be thrown in the street . We spent almost one hour on the way untill we arrived at the railroad station . This was the first time that I would experience the train travel and would sit in its wagon . I was so amazed by the train and the prospect that I would travel within it that I forgot all my hurt and painful thoughts . At first my father decided to take a ship to reach our homeland because it would shorting the distance till our destination , but my mother had an horrible fear of all ships and this terrifying her till death , so for this reason the train has been chosen although we had to spend much more time to arrive at the nearest city in our homeland .

39

An incredible crowd were gathered at the railroad station , as if half of the population of the city intended moving somewhere else . In company of my parents and siblings we took place on the platform of the railroad and relied our stuff at a column there . My father was smoking cigarette and was moving away from us , his face seemed impassive and indifferent like always . My mother was nervous and had gathered the children around her and was groaning non-stop out of anger and nervousness. In my monotonous life , the travel was an extraordinay evolution , I was so cheerful that I was whispering some songs . It was almost sunset that the train arrived whistling and stopped in front of all the crowd . Once the doors of the train oppened , the crowd precipitated toward them , the scramble was so that we could be crashed or lost with all of our stuff , each one tried to reach the inside of the train by hustling the others , and we all were affraid of missing that train and remaining there on the platform . We have been blocked in the crowd and necessarily by its least move , we were pushed forward and finally we could reach the door and after moving up we took some place in the corridor of the wagon which was already full . We felt comforted that we could finally get in after all of our struggle among the crowd , lot of people were still trying to move up and getting in . Meanwhile my little brother expressed his thirst and tiredness and we all looked at him with surprise , my mother took the water container which was obviously empty because it has been used during the coach journey . She automatically looked at me and said with a soft tone of voice :"hurry up , you are the most agile , jump down quickly and fill this container with water in the washroom of the station and bring it back". Not any room for arguing , I took the container and to prove my agility I made a way among the crowd and moved down the stairs and run to find the washroom of the station which was located a floor below under the platform , so it took few minutes that I could find the washroom . Suddenly I heard the whistle of the train from the platform above me , this whistle had no special meaning to me , but I noticed that people around were running in a hurry , I washed and cleaned the container carefully and filled it with water and moved up toward the platform , once there I noticed that the crowd has been lightened and at my astonishment I watched the closed doors of the train and its slow move . In my stupefaction , the container of water fell apart , terrifyied I began screaming with all my forces , exactly like my screaming when my father closed the door of the orphanage behind himself and left me there alone when I was only three . I begun running and was shouting and wanted informing them that I have been left there , missing the train and was asking to take me , but the train impassive to all my shouting and asking was following its path and each second its speed was increasing , and all my endeavours to hang myself to one of its hilts were in vain . In my hurry to run after the train I neglected the dent on my way which entraped my foot and I rolled on the ground and because of my fast run , I have been thrown near the weels of the train , the weels were whirling fastly and cruelly , ignoring my misery . On the ground , dizzy and in pain , I was watching the train going away like a bullet , to disappear finally from my sight .

40

After the disappearance of the train I realized what happened to me . I began shouting and screaming because my fall caused a sort of paralysis in my legs and I couldn't move , I thought that I became paralytic for life . Because of my shouting and crying , some of the responsibles of the railroad arrived and helped me to stand up and led me to the administrative lounge of the station . Having only the money 'sweet-uncle' gave to me , I told to those gentle employees of the railroad my story which impressed them in a way that they all promised to help me to find my lost family . They were discussing between themselves to find a solution . Meanwhile in my desperate situation , automatically I reminded 'sherven' and 'sweet-uncle' , how I needed them in that very moment , and how I was once again helpless and alone and also how much my moving back at them seemed impossible and inapplicable . I was thinking about what I had to face , it was nothing apart an unknown future . Finally the officers responsible of the railroad letted me know with an extreme kindness that because the next train would arrive just twenty four hours later and this long waiting might separate me definitely from my parents , they proposed to me that with a half an hour walk I could reach the quay of the seaport and there I could find a ship to the destination of the city where my parents might be and searching for them once there .

I didn't have another option and I couldn't return back to my familiar city , so necessarily I accepted that , and with the help and the company of one of the agents of the railroad I reached the seaport . The railroad agent recommended me to the sailors and to the captain responsible of the ship which was ready to quit the seaport . I explained to them my situation and mentioned the name of the city of my destination . They agreed and letted me taking place in the ship on board , so I went on the deck and regaining my calm I began thinking about all the strange accidents happened just in a single day . It was a beautiful sunset and once again I found myself alone and left to my own , pushed forth by some unknown forces toward unknown events and future . I wanted to believe that I was in a sort of nightmare and with the least effort I could be awakened and finding myself in the safe and loving family of the 'sweet-uncle'. But everything around me were incredibly real and while relying to the parapet of the deck , I tried to be awakened , but the nightmare didn't stop and I knew that all of this was the very reality . The ship was moving harmoniously and apart the shining stars not any light could be noticed . In my desperation I remembered the words of all the nice people I left behind myself , the comforting words which assured me that I would have a bright and happy life because they considered me an exceptional child with an exceptional destiny, the one who escaped miraculously from all the fatal accidents and dreadful events .

The End

1/26/2010
