For 23 years, I
lived as an atheist
Like I didn't believe in God at all at all, in fact, I
Used to love it when
Missionaries or Christians or something would come up to my door and try to speak to me about God
because I
used to look forward
To arguing with them to prove them wrong that God's existence was hilarious like
Man and I lived that way for a long time
It wasn't until
My sister was diagnosed with cancer that
Things got even worse for me
I remember
My mom calling me and telling me the nearest and
The first thing I did after I hung up that phone
Was I got on my knees?
let me tell ya it wasn't to pray to God I
Literally got on my knees to yell at God
To yell at him to blame him. I blamed him for everything
Because my sister was very
Much a church-going person she
She believed in the Mormon Church very very much
she lived her life by her whole life and
Then there was me
mister atheist that
laughed at the thought of even an existence of God like
To me. I just couldn't comprehend how anybody could even waste their time?
Thinking of something that was to me no more than a fable that somebody had made up
And then that day whoo, the things I said
Man I cursed him I
Remember just you know just telling him like like how dare you like
You know, my sister is so faithful and then there's me
Like why didn't you why didn't you do that to me?
You piece of shit, like what is wrong with you? Like man? I'm so angry
So angry
Like I can't even I can't even comprehend I to this day all I remember is just kneeling down and just yelling at him
But I really I don't know
Exactly what I said
a
Year goes by and it kind of seems, you know after the diagnosis, you know as my sister was getting worse and worse and
Man, it just seemed like the devil was just taking me for a spin man
Gah, he was on my shoulder constantly all the time. Oh, so angry and just mad all the time
Like I think I was I think I was angry and miserable more than I was happy
It seems as though like
Once I cursed out god that was like Devils
Freaking trampoline right on my shoulder. He's like, let's go for a ride and man. He took me on one
And it's crazy to think cuz
The way things are now I
Just remember it was um
September of last year. Well, October September October somewhere around there. I
Had to have surgery
On my nose and throughout because of like sleep apnea
You know I had to my nose was broken in several places and blah blah blah and
Man that surgery was horrible and they had to take out my tonsils and my little dangler and
They had to drill out my nose and all this stuff. So I was completely miserable
So already on top of being angry and pissed off all the time I
Had that surgery done which made it even worse
Because man that surgery that was the most painful thing I've ever been through ever
And is about this time that things got so bad that
I almost lost my fiancee
And I remember sitting on the couch
late at night
and just
thinking
What am I gonna do? What am I gonna do? How am I gonna change?
and so I
sent a message to
my friend Ryan
And this was like
Gosh this had to have been probably 1 o'clock in the morning
Somewhere around there
Sent a message to my friend Ryan. I was just like dude. I feel like my whole world is spinning out of control
And I'm about to lose everything I
Was like you've got to be straight up with me man. Like what? What do I need to do?
What what do I do? What do I do?
and
He just said and mind you he had no idea. I was an atheist like we'd known each other for a while
You know, he had tattooed me and we had kept in touch and became good friends
But he didn't all that I was an atheist cuz I just I never talked about that
you know, I like Brian a lot and I
Knew he was a Christian. So I just kind of kept that part of me at bay. Um
He's like you need to just you know, you you need to let Jesus into your life
And I kind of thought about that for a minute
You know, like like something deep down in me was was telling me that I needed to talk to Ryan
Because he he came from a rough background. I mean, you've all heard his testimony and stuff and
You know he was able to turn his life around so I had listened to him, you know, and he
He talked to me for a while, you know about, you know, letting Jesus into my life and shared some scriptures and stuff with me
But this one term he kept saying over and over
that he said a couple of times, you know, cuz I was telling man like I
Don't get it. I don't understand you know, and
He and he said only the thief comes to steal kill and destroy
But I have come to give you life so that you may have it abundantly
And I didn't know
What Scripture that was or if it even was a scripture heck I had no idea
So after he said that it's like wow wow, that's cool
And I figured I had to be some kind of a scripture, but I
Honestly, I didn't know I had no idea
so
That same night
you know, I wasn't feeling that great because of my surgery and everything and
So I was just watching youtube videos like checking out like new metal bands that I was fine in
And I remember Ryan had mentioned to me about
about an evangelist that he he listens to every now and then and
so I was just on YouTube and this evangelists name popped up and
and the title said angry at God I was like
Okay, this is weird because seriously like if you guys have seen my YouTube like it was like Slayer
Like just all these heavy metal bands
like I thought I was watching music videos for all night long trying to find some new music to put on my iPod and
This evangelist that Ryan had told me about was randomly on my YouTube page
and
the title
said angry at God
something interesting
So I watched it and for an hour and 40 minutes
This guy had nailed
Everything as to why I was angry at God and why I was an atheist
Because of religion like man growing up in the church I grew up in oh
It's no wonder I became an atheist like honestly really
Man I was treated horrible
You know in their own way I blamed God for everything and
and he said
he's like
He's like there's a scriptures John 10:10
Noon that the Evangelist said John 10:10
only the thief comes to steal kill and destroy but I have come to give you life so that you may have it abundantly and
My mind just one
That's where that came from
And man that one scripture man that one scripture that one simple scripture changed my entire frickin life
Like and everything that he said was
True like
Everybody blames God for everything
for everything everything bad everything bad God's the go-to guy when
It's not him at all it's the devil
And there is no reason to blame God because if God didn't love us he never would have sent His only Son
Down
To be tortured and killed so that our sins may be forgiven
Man I just said there and I can't flip that and he was talking and he said ah
He said, you know and he he shared his testimony a bit in this and I was like, oh wow
You know what a testimony or not?
And he said I remember he says, you know in the in the Bible it says when you give your life to Jesus you
will be baptized in flame and
Man I'm done telling you like this is no joke
This is coming from a freaking atheist of 23 years who didn't believe in nothing as far as he could throw it
Man that night
And I've tried explaining this several times. So I'm gonna try to explain
The best I can but man that night I was asleep on my couch
And before I went to bed, I died I prayed and I asked for Jesus to come into my life
And I swear on everything that I have
That I woke up in the middle of the night at about 4:00 in the morning
thinking I was going to die because I felt like I was burning on fire and
It was during the same time that I had my throat and mouth surgery. So I seriously I really literally
Literally thought I was going to die. I
Wake up my fiancee I
Tell you you gotta run me the hospital. You got to run me the hospital. I I was covered head to toe and sweat
sweat like like it was like I had just stepped out of the shower and
my entire body I
Swear on everything holy that my thought I was going to die. I thought I had a horrible infection
that I was going to die from
And I woke up my fiance and I asked her to take me to a hospital because really I I
thought because of his mouth surgery that I was gonna die just
From just from feeling like I was on fire like no kidding
Laying there head-to-toe in sweat
Feeling like I was on fire burning up with a fever I get to the hospital. My temperature is normal
My blood pressure is normal. My heart rate is normal, and there is no infection anywhere
None
The entire time
The doctored was just an oh well
You know, it's probably just because your house was a little hot or whatever, you know
Or it could be maybe from the medication. But the thing is is I I wasn't even taking pain medication anymore like
So weird
And then things just started getting stranger for me I
Remember being at work one night
It was about two o'clock of money I've worked graveyards and
This is after I had started, you know
Reading the scriptures a little bit
prayin more
but at this time
No one in my family even knew like I didn't tell my fiancee I
Didn't tell my mom and dad I didn't tell anybody
Of this spiritual change that I was trying to go through and
But my fiancee every now and then would be like cow what's with you you're so different
But I was happy
And I remember this one night at work
I'm sitting in a scan room
Scanning some some product, you know that that I make or whatever work
And this voice two o'clock in the morning Wes. Call your mom
What
Like I was like, whatever
About 2:15 in the morning
Call your mom
And I was just like whatever and I seriously I blew it off
I was like, I'm not gonna call my mom at two o'clock in the morning. I'm not you know, I
Get home from work that morning
Because I get off at about 4:30. So at about 5:30 in the morning, I get a phone call from my mom
Saying that my sister had had a rough night
And
my dad had taken her into the ER I
Says well gosh when that happened
She said oh she started to have a problems at about 1:30 in the morning
And your dad finally got out of the hospital about two o'clock and I about died
Like I literally heard an audible voice in my ear saying call your mom I
Never had never heard that before ever
Ever
And so I ignored it
But had I done well that vote still voice in my head said I
Would have left work and I would have went right to the ER maybe to help my dad
Man I was so crazy, you know and little things like that just kept happening to me
You know things started getting better like I was happy I wasn't angry anymore
It was like that night after that night have felt like I was gonna die
Because the Lord decided to bless me like everything changed
Everything absolutely changed
Never in my life did I ever think that I'd be I where I am right now a
Year later
Blessings just keep happening over and over and over for me
My fiance though she believed in God never went to church never did nothing
We ended up getting married in July
You know
I was able to marry my best friend and I thought that never would have happened
like had I not had I not changed my life and
Had I not brought the Lord into my life
I guarantee I would have lost everything number one because my sister passed away
December 8th of 2016 which is coming up on almost a year
And
I really feel that had
Had I not
Had I not found Jesus and brought him into my life I
Don't think I would have made it through her through her funeral I
Think things would have
Got a lot worse for me and I think very easily I probably would have
Ended
Up losing everything I
Would have ended up losing my fiancee my home
Because I just think that the the anger and the hatred of the devil just would have taken it all
But he didn't and he couldn't
So I made it through my sister's funeral
You know and and
Before her funeral. I actually got to have a conversation with her and
I actually shared with her that
scripture of John 10:10
Only the thief comes to steal kill and destroy but I have come to give you life so that you may have it abundantly
Because she was feeling pretty distraught one day and she just says I don't get it. I
Don't know what I did wrong I says and you didn't and I shared that with her and
That was the first time and I think she was kind of mind-blowing because she knew I was eight he is like
But I just told her, you know, the things have started to change for me
And I said that scripture helped me along and I think I think it helped her too
You know fast-forward a couple months after that I was able to marry my best friend
My job is going better
I'm happy
And it's all because of God
You know and all this is still new to me I mean Emily
It's only been within the past couple of months, um that I even told anybody
Finally told my wife you know what I had what I had gone through and what I had been through and
You know, she started down that same path as me now
And the biggest one is I told my mom
My mom's very very devout Mormon
Always has been her entire life temple recommended
The most
beautiful mom I could ever ever have ever and ever but
I was so scared. You know, I was so nervous to say. Hey, you know, I'm
I'm a Christian
And not a Mormon but
She was so happy
She's like I knew that someday
Things would change for you. She's like, I don't care if you're in a religion or not. She's like all I have ever wanted
Was for you to know that your heavenly Father loves you
She says, you know, I prayed for you so many times and I just knew that someday
God would find you and he would help you man. He did
And now I've just taken the next step to bear my testimony
The man
It doesn't matter what your background is what you've done
Everything can change if you just give yourself
If you just give yourself to God everything can change and I'm not saying religion
I'm saying give yourself to God
Have a relationship because that that's the biggest thing for me
I've always been just against religion a
thing that they have just gotten the Lord's message all turn around and spun around and
backwards
but
At the same time is if that helps you then good for you
I
know this has been kinda long but
You know, I just wanted to take a moment and do something
I have never done before and that was to share my testimony and share what happened to me
Because a lot of people have been asking what happened and for the longest time
I couldn't explain it in words. And in fact when Ryan came over to my house a couple months ago. I
Tried to explain to him in words and I just felt like I was mumbling all over the place
it's really taken a lot of Prayer and a lot of time to really sit down and
Say exactly what has happened
- thank you all for listening and
You know just know that man
God loves all of us
It doesn't matter. He doesn't care. He forgives like and I'm so grateful and I'm so blessed
like my life has just done a complete 180 and
So, thank you, I think thank you. Thank you to Ryan for
Seeing me through this
there's been a lot of a lot of conversations and um
Thank you to my wife for never for not giving up on me and my family and my friends
Thank you for understanding my life change
But most of all, thank you Jesus like for everything
Because I really don't think I would be here right now. I
Would I'd probably just be
Out on the street or doing something just being crazy. I just I don't know. I hate to even think
So that being said, thank you
