This election has had it all
We had a candidate who bragged about sexual assault
Another candidate tried to make a joke about Pokemon Go
I don’t know who made Pokemon Go, I’m trying to work out how to get them to Pokemon go to the polls
And dick size was literally an issue
And he referred to my hands if they’re small something else must be small – I guarantee you there’s no problem
It has been a Wild. Ride.
But the problem with such a captivating, terrifying election is that we’re missing out on the real paranoid heartbeat of American politics
Conspiracy theories
And just a warning: everything you hear from here on in is fact free nonsense
After the first presidential debate and Donald Trump’s sniffles that Twitter loved
former Democratic Governor of Vermont Howard Dean tweeted this
He sniffs during the presentation which is something that users do
And while Donald Trump is addicted to rack  – Hillary Clinton has her own medical issues
Well Hillary Clinton’s Body double has broken her silence
This is not the same woman
I don’t believe it is
That’s right it turns out Hillary Rodham Clinton herself is not .. herself
Clinton has a lot of wrinkles on her neck.. this person looks a lot younger than Hillary
Clinton is clearly so ill and frail after this fall
she requires constant medical attention and her public appearances are taken care of by a younger actor
she had a catheter so that’s why she started wearing longer coats
The bigger question is if Clinton does have a body double, why didn’t’ they get her to fill in for this
Or this
Or this
Terrifying, but the truest and most factual of all the theories was said by Trump himself about his main Republican rival
Linking Ted Cruz’s dad with the most famous crime of the 20th century
His father was with Lee Harvey Oswald prior to Oswald being shot, it's ridiculous, and and nobody even brings it up
This is based on the fact that the man in this photo, who is standing next to Lee Harvey Oswald himself
Definitely looks like Ted Cruz’s father
that’s just the tip of the paranoid iceberg man, we haven't even talked about the fact Ted Cruz is the Zodiac Killer
or how Hillary Clinton’s campaign chairman is running a pedophile ring out of a pizzeria
Listen to me! I’m not crazy! Rich wealthy elites continue to control the world’s most powerful institutions and marginalise ordinary working people
It’s happening! Okay that one is actually happening
But also Trump and Clinton are actual lizard people
