>> OH MY GOD!
I SHOULD HAVE PEEED FIRST, I'M
SO EXCITED.
MI SO EXCITED, MOSTLY TO GET TO
PERFORM HERE IN L.A., MY HOME.
I LOVE THIS CITY.
IT'S SO EXCITING.
MY ONE BEEF WITH L.A. IS THAT IT
IS A DRIVING CITY AND WHEN I
MOVED HERE I HAD TO START
DRIVING FOR THE VERY FIRST TIME.
AND BOY, AM I BAD AT IT.
IF IS ROUGHER, AN WHEN ARE YOU A
BAD DRIVER WITH THIS FACIAL,
IT'S A REAL NIGHTMARE, LET ME
TELL YOU T IS NO FUN.
I FEEL LIKE HAVE I SEEN EVERY
VERSION OF COURSE, FACE, IN L.A.
AND I WOULD DON'T APPRECIATE
THAT FACE.
I DON'T APPRECIATE THAT FACE ONE
BIT, EVERY TIME I SEE IT I JUST
WANT TO ROLL DOWN MY WINDOW,
EXCUSE ME, SIR, NO, NO, NO I'M
NOT A BAD DRIVER BECAUSE I'M
ASIAN, I'M A BAD DRIVER BECAUSE
I DON'T WEAR MY GLASSES AND A
TEXT, OKAY T SAY PERSONAL
CHOICE, OKAY, I DON'T WANT TO BE
GOOD AT THIS, I WILL DIE IN MY
NISSAN SENT RA.
DRIVING IS SO HARD THERE ARE SO
MANY PLACES YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO
LOOK.  AND I CAN'T BE BOTHERED.
I'VE JUST GOT COOLER STUFF GOING
ON UP HERE, YOU KNOW, I WON'T.
I LOVE L.A.
MENT THE PEOPLE HERE ARE WILD
THOUGH.
YOU GUYS CARE ABOUT A LOT OF
THIRNGS THAT I DON'T CARE ABOUT.
RECENTLY I GOT IN TROUBLE IN MY
OWN HOME FOR TRYING TO KILL A
SPIDER.
MY FRIEND WAS LIKE NO, JOEL, IF
YOU SPARE THE CREATURE, IT WILL
KILL THE OTHER BUGS IN YOUR
APARTMENT AND I WAS LIKE WELL
THAT SEEMS WORSE, I DON'T WANT
TO WORK FROM WITHIN THE BUG
COMMUNITY TO GET RID OF THE
BUGS, YOU KNOW T IS SO NEV AR
WHY WHY-- NEFARIOUS, WHAT AM I,
A MEMBER OF THE REAGAN
ADMINISTRATION, IT'S TERRIBLE,
OKAY.
I'M SO GLAD SOME OF YOU
UNDERSTOOD THAT JOKE BECAUSE I
DIDN'T.
I AM VERY STUPID, YOU SEE, BUT I
OWN IT IT I FIND A LOT OF PEOPLE
THESE DAYS DON'T OWN THEIR
STUPIDITY.
LIKE I'M CONSTANTLY HAVING TO
END CONVERSATIONS WITH MY
FRIENDS BY BEING LIKE OH, I'M
SORRY, I DON'T THINK EITHER OF
US READ ENOUGH BOOKS TO BE
TALKING ABOUT THIS.
WHY ARE WE ARGUING ABOUT THE
ESTATE TAX, YOU'RE A DOG WALKER
AND I'M A MUSICAL THEATER MAJOR.
(APPLAUSE)
YOU KNOW?
IT'S TOUGH, I WAS RAISED IN A
VERY STUPID COMMUNITY SO I DON'T
REALLY LIKE TO GO HOME VERY
OFTEN ANY MORE.
THE ONLY REASON I DO GO HOME IS
BECAUSE MY OLDER SISTER STILL
LIVE THERE AND SHE STARTED
HAVING BABIES AND I LOVE BEING
AN UNCLE AND I LEV SPENDING TIME
WITH THEM AND SOAKING UP ALL THE
INSTAGRAM ENGAGEMENT THAT I CAN
WHILE THEY'RE YOUNG.
I ALSO THINK IT ST REALLY
IMPORTANT TO SPEND TIME WITH
THEM BECAUSE I DON'T THINK THAT
KIDS ARE IN THE CARDS FOR ME
PERSONALLY.
DON'T GET ME WRONG, I THINK IT
IS SO GREAT THERE ARE SO MANY
GAY DADS IN THE COUNTRY.
GIVE IT UP FOR GAY DADS.
BUT I ALSO THINK IT'S WRONG.
I DO.
AND THAT WAS A TRAP, AND YOU
FELL FOR IT.
SO HERE'S THE THING.
I BELIEVE THAT GAY MEN WE WERE
PUT HERE AS POPULATION CONTROL
678 AND I THINK EVERY TIME GOD
ABOVE SEES TWO GORGEOUS MEN
RAISING A CHILD SHE IS LIKE NO,
NO, NO, NO.
YOU HAVE MISUNDERSTOOD THE
ASSIGNMENT IT MUST BE
FRUSTRATING FOR HIM BECAUSE
WE'RE SO MUCH BETTER AT IT, YOU
KNOW, JUST PUT YOURSELF IN HIS
SHOES FOR A SECOND.
YOU HAVE THIS NATIONAL PARK AND
ST OVERRUN WITH DEER SO YOU
RELEASE WOLVES INTO THE
NEIGHBORHOOD TO GET RID OF SOME
OF THE DEER AND THEN THE WOLVES
START RAISING HIGH FUNCTIONING
DEER, OH MY GOD, THAT NAMED THAT
DEER ATIKUS AND OPENED UP A
MONTESSORI SCHOOL TRK IS OUT OF
CONTROL.
I CLEARLY, I DON'T ACTUALLY
BLOAF, THAT I'M JOKING, ALTHOUGH
MY DAD DID HAVE TWO SONS AND
THEY BOTH TURNED OUT GAY AND I
DON'T THINK THERE IS A CLEARER
SIDE FROM GOD THAT HE IS DONE
WITH THIS BLOOD LINE, YOU KNOW.
HAD ENOUGH BOOSTERS FOR ONE
GENERATION, THANK YOU.
THE REAL REASON I THINK I WON'T
BE HAVING KIDS ANY TIME SOON IS
THAT I AM VERY, VERY SINGLE,
STOP FREAKING OUT, IT'S ALL
RIGHT THOUGH.
I'M OUT THERE, I'M ON ALL THE
APPS IN L.A
RIGHT NOW MY PARM IS JUST A
REVOLVING DOOR OF STRANGERS AND
THAT'S FINE FOR ME.
SOME OF MY FRIEND RAISE LITTLE
CONCERNED, JOEL, YOU DON'T KNOW
THESE PEOPLE AREN'T YOU WORRIED
THAT ONE OF THEM COULD MURDER
YOU.  I WAS LIKE YEAH, THAT SAY
PRETTY BIG DRAW, BECAUSE MY
THING IS IF I HAD BEEN MURDERED
I WAS STILL PICKED.
AND THAT ULTIMATELY IS THE POINT
OF DATING.
EITHER WAY I GET TO STOP, YOU
KNOW, WHAT A RELIEF.
I RECENTLY WENT ON A PRETTY
PROMISING FIRST DATE THOUGH, HE
TOOK ME TO A MEXICAN RESTAURANT
HERE IN L.A. THAT HAD SOMETHING
I HAD NEVER EXPERIENCED BEFORE T
HAD TABLE SIDE GUACAMOLE AND FOR
THOSE THAT DON'T POA KNOW WHAT
TA THAT IT IS, IT IS A LITTLE
CART WHERE THEY MAKE THE
GUACAMOLE RIGHT THERE IN FRONT
OF YOU.
AND I DON'T GET IT I DON'T
UNDERSTAND WHERE WE ARE PULLING
BACK THE CURTAIN ON GUACAMOLE,
IT DOESN'T MAKE ANY SENSE TO ME.
LIKE WHY HERE, WHY NOW THERE IS
NO THEATER TO GUACAMOLE, IT IS
NOT AN INTERESTING
PROSECT-- PROCESS.
I'M SITTING THERE ACROSS FROM MY
DADE TRYING TO WALK HIM THROUGH
MY STUDENT LOAN DEBT MEANWHILE
DANIELLE CAN'T GET THE PIT OUT
OF THE AVO.
TAND IS JUST LIKE, THERE IS NO
MYSTERY THERE, EITHER, DANIELLE.
WE ALL KNOW HOW GUACAMOLE IS
MADE.
OF ALL THE THINGS TO BRING BACK
OUT OF THE KITCHEN AND REVEAL TO
US BEFORE OUR EYES WHY THE
GUACAMOLE.
HERE SAN IDEA, DANIELLE, BRING
OUT THE LAVA CAKE AND SHOW ME
HOW YOU GET THE LAVA IN THERE.
SOLVE A REAL MYSTERY!
SO LONG STORY SHORT, I DID NOT
GET A SECOND DATE.
YOU GUYS HAVE BEEN SO FANTASTIC.
I'M JOEL KIM BOOSTER, HAVE A
GREAT TIGHT.
