LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, WELCOME TO
"THE LATE SHOW"."
I'M YOUR HOST, STEPHEN COLBERT.
( APPLAUSE )
THANK YOU VERY MUCH, VERY KIND.
WELL, PRESIDENT TRUMP IS STILL
ON HIS SEMESTER ABROAD, GETTING
HIS EXTRA CREDITS.
AND HE MIGHT WANT TO STAY OVER
THERE FOR A WHILE UNTIL FIREMEN
CAN PUT OUT HIS BUDGET PROPOSAL.
BECAUSE NOT ONLY DOES NOBODY
LIKE IT, BUT IT TURNS OUT IT HAS
A HUGE MISTAKE IN IT.
NOT THE PART ABOUT CUTTING
FUNDING FOR CANCER RESEARCH.
THAT'S ONE OF HIS PASSION
PROJECTS.
IT TURNS OUT THAT THE ENTIRE
BUDGET IS BASED ON A $2 TRILLION
MATH ERROR.
YES, THAT'S TRILLION, WITH A
"T."
NOW, THERE'S A SIMPLE
EXPLANATION FOR HOW THIS
HAPPENED: DONALD TRUMP IS AN
IDIOT.
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ).
>> Stephen: OR-- OR-.
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
OR HE'S LYING.
BECAUSE HIS BUDGET CLAIMS THERE
WILL BE MAGICALLY $2 TRILLION OF
NEW TAX REVENUE FROM ECONOMIC
GROWTH WHEN WE CUT RICH PEOPLE'S
TAXES.
IT'S CALLED TRICKLE DOWN,
SOMETHING WE KNOW TRUMP LOVES.
( LAUGHTER )
AND THEN-- THEN-- IT-- RUMORED--
IT FACTORS IN THE SAME
MADE-UP $2 TRILLION AGAIN AS A
WAY TO OFFSET THAT TAX CUT FOR
THE WEALTHY.
THAT'S LIKE ROBBING PETER TO PAY
PAUL, BUT YOU'RE PAYING PAUL
WITH A BLOCKBUSTER GIFT
CERTIFICATE.
IT DOESN'T WORK ANYMORE.
( LAUGHTER )
THIS IS SUCH AN ACCOUNTING
BLUNDER THAT FORMER SECRETARY OF
THE TREASURY LARRY SUMMERS
CALLED IT "A LOGICAL ERROR OF
THE KIND THAT WOULD JUSTIFY
FAILING A STUDENT IN AN
INTRODUCTORY ECONOMICS COURSE."
( LAUGHTER )
OR, OKAY-- OR--
OR GET YOU TENURE AT TRUMP
UNIVERSITY.
( LAUGHTER )
BUT TRUMP'S BUDGET DIRECTOR,
MICK MULVANEY, DEFENDED THE
MATH.
>> REGARDING THE DOUBLE
COUNTING, HERE'S ONE OF THE
THINGS I THINK THAT A LOT OF
FOLKS HAVE OVERLOOKED-- AND WE
DID IT ON PURPOSE BECAUSE IT'S
SORT OF HARD TO COUNT THIS, AND
YOU DON'T WANT TO MAKE TOO MANY
ASSUMPTIONS.
>> Stephen: YEAH.
( LAUGHTER )
YOU DON'T WANT TO MAKE
ASSUMPTIONS, BECAUSE WHEN YOU
ASSUME, YOU MAKE AN "ASS" OUT OF
YOU, MICK MULVANEY.
( LAUGHTER )
( APPLAUSE )
NOW, LET ME SEE IF I CAN HELP.
LET ME SEE IF I CAN HELP.
HERE'S A BASIC MATH LESSON FOR
DONALD TRUMP.
IF A TRAIN LEAVES WASHINGTON,
D.C., TRAVELING AT 40 MILES AN
HOUR, PLEASE GET ON IT.
( LAUGHTER )
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
JUST GO.
JUST GO EAST, ACTUALLY.
JUST GO EAST.
