Hello everybody it's Elisa here, so I know I haven't posted
videos for
I think like three weeks now or something and this is because I was very busy in February
And I think I was a little bit tired and drained, and I just had no inspiration
or you know like the energy to make videos
Yeah, and I felt like I needed to charge my own batteries before I can give out more
so yeah, but now I'm trying to come back, and I'm trying to again make consistent videos every week
Yes, but by the way, I also want to mention if you don't know that actually I have a Facebook group
And I made it like a month ago or so and we have already like 200 people there
so if you want to join the Facebook group
then I will post a link down below, and this group is like very great, so many people encouraging each other and
supporting each other,  you can ask your questions and
I'm also gonna be there time after time
checking on you and answering your questions giving you support
Yeah, so if you want to check out the group the link is in the description. So today's video
I thought maybe I will talk about
You know like in recovery when you are triggered
And maybe you're triggered because you are, I don't know, trying on your old clothes that don't fit
Or maybe somebody is saying some triggering comment to you. Maybe you feel like you have gained weight
Maybe you have the extreme hunger and you panic about the amount of food you're eating
And then you feel triggered and this is kind of the situation
I remember I was in many times in my recovery and because I was recovering on my own
I didn't have anybody to kind of you know shake me, like shake me out of this "Elisa don't
relapse because your triggered you just just have to keep on going"
But over time as I did my like relapses
And I went like back and forth a little bit with recovery and then relapses then over time
I really learned from them
To kind of see the similar pattern that each time when I got triggered and I went back to relapse
after some period of time I just couldn't you know
restrict myself, and I was back to the binging or having the extreme hunger
and I kind of realized that okay, this was the restriction and it always leads me back to feeling miserable
feeling sick
about my eating disorder and wanting to be back to recovery and
Then next time I felt triggered I relapsed again and again again, but over time
I really learned that when I got triggered
I started to kind of think
Before I took action
You know to relapse or start restricting, and I really started to think - okay last time I was triggered what did I do?
I went back to restriction and then what happened?
Felt again trapped in my eating disorder, and then I wanted to start recovery again
But I felt by that point I had lost some precious time
but since I started to think before I relapsed I started to really see the pattern and
Actually, I came into the conclusion that
Even though I feel triggered right now like restriction
cannot be the answer, restriction is not an option anymore
Because I know it will lead me nowhere. It would just set me back in my recovery and
ultimately like what is the point of relapsing? what is the freaking point because every time it's just completing the
Or continuing the same old cycle, and it will lead absolutely nowhere
and I know like I can I don't know restrict for a week or two or like a month or something and
then I would be wanting to go back to recovery because
Simply when you restrict it will never ever end, like the eating disorder will never end
You have to maintain this for the rest of your life then, and I knew that this is just not
possibility for me
I cannot restrict for the rest of my life. This didn't even sound logical, so I started to realize that
Okay, I can be triggered, I can be scared, I can be panicked, I can be anxious about the weight gain or
water retention or like food "sitting in my stomach"
Like I can be triggered about somebody's comment
I can be triggered because maybe my clothes don't fit me or something
But what is the other option? If I restrict,
I relapse, then what? What is the ultimate solution it will give me?
Like to lose some weight?
Okay, and then what then what? Then what happens? You're gonna have to just maintain restriction for the rest of your life?
And I simply thinking about it, you know like that
By you know before taking the action I started to think - okay
Where would this action actually lead me? To be very realistic and logical about it
and then by using my logic and also my past experience of
relapses I simply convinced myself that relapses are pointless
relapses
Cannot lead me anywhere
They just leave me to another dead end
so
Relapses cannot even be options anymore, like they just leave me in the same old eating disorder cycle, so yeah
I understood that relapses are pointless, no matter how triggered I am, no matter
you know
If I'm gonna have to extreme hunger or weight gain
Like I can't, I can't control it and
in order to find out what is the other side of recovery, what if I stop relapsing and
I stop restricting and if I'm triggered, I'm still gonna keep on going? I can be triggered,
I can be scared, I can be panicked, but I'm still gonna keep on going,
I'm not gonna relapse. Then what if like this will actually lead me to some somewhere good?
Like this is the road to
recovery and
If I don't relapse
because I'm triggered or something I have the best possible chance of recovering.
And I was simply so sick and tired of doing the same old
relapses over over again and thinking like something will change
Because I was convinced that this is simply
You know, the most
stupid thing for me to do, to relapse, because my past proved me that it didn't lead me anywhere
and actually
if you are, Elisa, if you are so sick and tired of your eating disorder then what if you take
the actual road that has proven you know by other people's
experiences, by the science, the logic of recovery, that has proven to lead people to full recovery.
What if it will work for me as well? You know because you know the other road of relapses and eating disorder
it 100% don't work
But,
what if the recovery will work for me? And I was willing to take this road
You know, to "risk it" like to take this risk in order to have a chance to get free
If you relapse, you have no chance to get free. But if you stick with recovery, you wait it out
You just keep on going,
you do the challenges, you push yourself
into the...keeping on the recovery and everything, you have the best possible chance of
recovering one day and
And yeah, like don't you want to find out what recovery is like?
Because again...
you don't have another option in my view
You don't have another option, the only option is to
you know
You can be triggered, you can be scared
But the only real option is to keep on going and not simply relapse. Like what's the point of that?
What's the point of that?
So yeah, this is my message today
Yeah, and if you have any interesting questions for me
you can pop them below this video in the comments
but yeah, thank you for watching, and I will see you in my next video, bye!
