It’s Columbus day.
Or as you probably know it as Native American
day.
Or as it’s also known as Aboriginal day.
Or as it should be called “free casino day”.
Ya Another day that liberals are trying to
make you feel guilty for enjoying.
And if you know Columbus’ first name congratulations.
You’re smarter than your teacher and should
probably quit school and sign up for PragerU.
Only listen to PragerU.
Columbus was a complicated figure.
For sure!
For sure!
But!
But!
He was one of the greatest navigators of all
time.
Sure he might of committed some light genocide.
Sure.
Columbus might have come over because of wanted
gold.
Sure he the entire reason Columbus was enslaving
the Native American people was because he
wanted to come back and get gold for the entire
Italian race.
Sure he might have cut off the hands of a
few of the Aboriginal people and make them
wear them around like necklaces because at
the end of the day Columbus was just trying
to get some of the gold.
I mean who doesn’t love gold.
I love gold.
You love gold.
Prager U loves gold.
Here’s the thing to remember.
Columbus didn’t commit the genocide of the
Native American people.
It was disease.
Disease brought over by columbus.
That doesn’t really count.
Just because he brought over some disease
doesn’t mean he caused him to die.
And at the end of the day are there any Native
Americans walking around today?
Do you see Native Americans walking around?
No you don’t.
And you know why?
Because they were cannabals.
Filthy disgusting cannabals.
They used to each other.
They used to eat each other every single day.
And if you want to talk about how they were
a beautiful pancea.
This two spirit culture.
We all know what two spirit means.
That they have mental disabilities.
Because anyone who thinks that they’re more
than one gender or identity is obviously messed
up in the head.
Don’t listen to your teachers.
Never listen to your teachers.
Only listen to PragerU.
It’s the only thing that matters.
And just remember folks.
Happy Columbus Day.
[Music] Aw yeah I’m a hetero man.
Yes I’m a hetero man.
I only like titties on a woman.
Cuz I’m a hetero man.
I only want to suck on a woman.
Cuz I’m a hetero man.
No homo.
No homo.
No homo hetero man.
[gibberish].
The legend of Steven Crowder is one shrouded
in stupidity.
Long before Paul Joseph Watson was declaring
that the right is learning how to comedy...
Crowder: If you want to have a reasonable
discussion, yeah, ok..?
Now you’re going to come and talk about
a ham sandwich
Steven Crowder was trying his hand at what
would become a lucrative career at being an
asshole.
Crowder: Can we edit that?
You see Steven always wanted to be a comedian,
but had to struggle with the reality that
he was painfully unfunny.
Crowder: Ok, Christopher Walken, ok…
[Impression] Eh..
Eh?
Chris..fer cow…
Cow bow.
[Genuine laughter]
Steven was born in the United States but was
actually raised in Quebec Canada in what he
describes as a pro-life Christian household.
It was there than an audition landed him a
huge break at just age 13 playing the role
of Brain on the children’s television cartoon
Arthur.
DW: There’s a dolphin swimming next to the
boat!
Crowder/Brain: Um, no thanks.
I’ve seen plenty of them at the zoo.
Anyway, they’re just mammals like you and
me
Using that role to propel him to acting stardom
he was quickly acting in such coveted roles
as ‘Party Kid’ in the Covenent and Blake
in Bend & Break (the first and only feature
film directed by his brother).
Crowder: Favourite scene…
Um…
I liked all of the diner scenes just because
everyone was there and it was so much fun
and you always feed off of each others’
energy.
Crowder [in Character]: Ok, I’m gonna ask
you this, ok?
What about…
What about the people whose, what is it called,
horoscopic…
What is it?
Horoscope sign..?
[Off screen character]: I don’t know
Crowder: Ok, whatever, their Zodiac sign,
is that what it’s called?
[Off screen character]: I think so
Crowder: Ok, people and their Zodiac sign…
What about the people whose Zodiac sign…
Their ruling planet was Pluto?
[Off screen character]: I dunno
Crowder: I guess they’re screwed?
To quote Steven himself on his meteoric success:
“The role immediately launched him into
the realm of "Babe Magnet".
With this in mind, he continued down the path
of acting (in both voice, TV and film) until
he came to the realization that he was no
longer the cute infant that Public Broadcasting
had learned to love.
Now that his baby-fat cheeks had left him,
he knew that he needed a new "hook "to catch
the ladies.
Frantically, he searched for the answer until
one summer, working as manual labor for the
"Just for Laughs" Comedy Festival, the art
of stand-up comedy caught his eye.”
Yes Crowder wanted to become a stand up comedian.
His routine is pretty much as nuanced as you’d
expect.
Crowder [Impression, probably racist]: Hey
man, who do you think you are? Ok?
I know your kind!
I know how your people treat my people.[a][b][c][d]
Crowder [as Self]: Woah man, I’m from Canada
Lance [as Crowder]: I’m sorry, ma’am,
I didn’t know you were Jewish.
If…
If I knew you were Jewish, I probably wouldn’t
have made that joke.
I…
I realise now it was inappropriate, and I
apologise.
I…
I wanna do impressions, everyone likes impressions…
Why don’t we do some impressions?
Uh, how about Christopher Walken?
Lance [as Crowder]: So, one thing…
I think I did pretty good.
I mean, the crowd was a little tough but I
think it was pretty good, right?
Right?
It was decent?
Dave: Oh my word.
Kid, that was some of the worst drek I’ve
ever seen up on that stage.
You’re awful, son.
You’re just irredeemable trash.
Lance: I have to do this!
Comedy is in my blood!
There has to be something I can do!
Can I study some greats like Dennis Miller
or ???
Dave: Well, there is always something.
It’s low.
And it’s greasy.
There is something.
If you’re willing to sell out.
To lose any shred of dignity that you once
had.
To lose all your morals…
There’s a always a future in conservative
comedy.
Lance: I’ll do it
Despite his bio stating that he is the youngest
comedian to ever perform at Just For Laughs
and the winner of the coveted MySpace “So
You Think You’re Funny” contest, he struggled
as a touring stand up comedian.
Just like all hacks who can’t make it in
the comedy world he turned to YouTube and
started the Crowder empire online.
Crowder: If we really want to go the extra
mile, I say America should build its own Wailing
Wall.
It’ll show America’s appreciation for
its Jewish people and confuse the crap out
of the Mexicans.
[I’m pretty sure this is Crowder’s voice
mockingly doing the prayer]
One man’s dumpster fire seems to be another's
treasure because his exploits got him noticed
by Fox News where he would go on to work from
2009 to 2013.
He first gained notoriety for photobombing
a union protest in Michigan with Americans
for Prosperity (yes the same Koch brothers
founded organization bent on keeping poor
people poor).
During the altercation crowder was punched
several times by a union member.
Crowder posted the video to youtube and edited
out the footage where the man was pushed to
the ground including shots of crowder with
his hand on his shoulder before it happened.
After being called out on it he uploaded the
unedited video.
During that time he appeared on Hannity and
Cavuto but entered a seven month period in
2013 where he was not televised at all.
This caused him to claim he was being “bulldozed
like a child” in a tell all radio interview
where he proceeded to slag his former master.
“Anthony Weiner came onto Hannity, the show
Hannity, and took control of the entire show.
I just wanted to be like: ‘Sean, how do
you let this happen?
At the very least, you just cut the show and
go to commercial or something.
But learn to take control.
Learn to ask questions to which you’ll know
the answer.’
I’m just amazed.
Michael Moore came on, and Michael Moore’s
not a bright guy.
I’m not saying Michael Moore’s smarter
than Sean Hannity but Michael Moore is better
at running interviews than Hannity, even though
Hannity’s running the interview!
But Michael Moore just came in and ran roughshod
over Hannity.
I couldn’t believe it!”
The backlash was fierce and despite groveling
as much as possible and presenting his tongue
to any boot that needed cleaning, he was fired
from the network.
Fortunately enough for him he had raised his
profile in the right wing circle of cuck and
was able to start doing speaker circuit rounds
for 3-5000 dollars a pop.
He treated these engagements like high profile
comedy sets even though many were for conservative
speaking engagements or think tanks.
Crowder: And now you have this wonderful f****t,
that’s what happens!
We ok?
We good?
Yeah, ok.
Milo Yiannopoulos: Darling, you can call me
what you like
Crowder: Ok, there we go
Then came the meme.
Steven concocted actually become a living
metaphor for white privilege and make money
from it.
Starting in Texas Christian University Crowder
began setting up a table with the phrase “Change
my mind” on it.
Where he would invite college campus students
to debate him on a variety of subjects.
The meme caught such fire that Complex rated
it n.30 on their list of the best memes of
2018.
He quickly composed subtle concertos such
as “I Am Pro Life” “Build The Wall”
“Kwanzaa Isn’t Real” “America is Superior”
“Hate Speech Isn’t Real” “Rape Culture
is a myth change my mind” and of course
“There are only two genders”.
Student: You can present yourself any way
you want.
I can go around wearing a dress, if that’s
what I particularly wanted to do.
Crowder Staff: But are you still a boy then,
because you have a penis, I assume.
Student: In a sexually…
Uh, scientifically, I still have a penis.
That makes me a male; sex.
The gender, doesn’t need to have a label
on it.
[Airhorn]
Beyond the smug arrogance of thinking people
should take time out of their day to convince
you of something you have no interest in having
your opinion changed, the whole thing is an
unadorned magic trick.
(actually read until here SILENT MEHAT NO
MORE)
Woman: What about wages?
Crowder: They’re doing really well.
Did you know we have the highest…
As a matter of fact, are you surprised to
learn that the US has the highest wages in
the world?
Lance: Now now, I know what you’re thinking.
He wasn’t referring to minimum wage.
In fact, he was saying the overall wage but,
dear viewer, he is still wrong.
These segments aren’t that different than
a Chris Angel special with worse acting.
Student: Sexual assault and rape culture is
a real thing.
It’s a real problem.
You look at all the stuff that’s been coming
out over the past few years with the #metoo
movement.
It’s a real thing, it’s going down.
Crowder: Thank you for taking the time…
Thank you very much.
Appreciate it.
Crowder [VO]: There are plenty more conversations
to get to, but I just wanted to let you know
that none of these episodes occur without
you joining mug club, as they’re often demonetised
before you can just say Wajisky...
He arrives having prepared with key conservative
points to set up for his got cha moments,
and of course the true magic comes from editing
out anything he doesn’t like.
Spend enough time on any campus and you’re
bound to find someone who’s highly opinionated
on a topic but doesn’t have media experience
and will come across as foolish in a debate.
Crowder: If Brett Kavanaugh did all the things
they accused him of, for example, a triangle,
gang rape…
Gang rape!
Like a perverse farm hand milking the teet
of human misery, Steven built up an impressive
collection of SJW cringe compilations.
Distressed student: I actually have class
to get to, but you know what?
I hope you enjoy this, and I hope you never
f*cking get raped, ‘cause it’s horrible.
Rape culture exists...
Crowder: I hope so as well, and hopefully…
I hope that...
In fact many credit him with starting the
conservative campus ownage of SJW that eventually
became the breeding ground for Shapiro and
Jordan Peterson.
All of these campus slaughterings are predictable
slogs to get through, with the exception being
socialism is evil where an interesting thing
happened.
Steven began by debating a student by the
name of Yousef and went through his typical
song and dance.
Setting up his strawmen with care and trying
to ease Yousef into as many traps as possible.
Crowder: What example would you point to,
before we go on, because I know a lot of times
we disagree, of a successful socialist country
Yousef: Well, there are different kinds of
socialism.
I think you’re thinking of the Soviet Union
and Venezuela when you say these are unsuccessful
countries, but you also have Sweden, you have
Norway, you have Finland, Denmark, you have
Germany, these are countries that have robust
economies and high levels of socialisation.
Unlike his other debates Yousef had counter
arguments to most of the road blocking conservative
pics Crowder was setting up and he quickly
found himself losing ground.
Yousef: ...taxes, you’re gonna have other
forms of violence that arise spontaneously.
This sort of autistic libertarian idea of
‘you can have a non-aggression’...
[Crowd]: Oooooo!
Crowder: Stop it, stop it, he’s been watching
Matt Damon videos.
Continue
Then an unfortunate thing happened.
Youself used the term “autistic” in a
derogatory way, and Steven finally found his
knock out punch, but in the strangest way
possible.
Crowder: I know you like to sound really intelligent
by speaking in paragraphs…
One thing, you’ve misused terms several
times, and if someone were to call you on
it and be as rude as you are, you might look
what you might refer to as stupid
Yousef: Ok…
Crowder: So, saying autistic or shill.
It’s a very specific definition, you came
in here and just said shill.
And really quickly, I’m ready to give the
microphone to someone if you don’t stop
doing this, because that isn’t the goal
of this.
What’s a shill?
Yousef: Well, I think you’re getting upset
because you’re losing the debate.
Crowd: Ooooo!
Crowder: That’s fair, that’s fair....
For someone who complains constantly about
cucks and SJW wanting safe spaces he stopped
debating socialism altogether and pulled out
his soap box made of crocodile tears and began
beguiling Yousef for using the term autistic
in that matter.
Crowder: Well, now that we’re there, we’re
not going to be, like, “You’re retarded,
Tommy”, you know?
We’re not going to do that.
But every now and again you’ll describe
someone as…
“Well, this person is mentally retarded”
and it’s not meant to be hateful, and if
you call something else retarded it’s not
meant to be hateful.
But then they’ll say “Oh, so you’re
going to trot out your specially abled friend?”
Well, it’s kind of a valid defence, I clearly
don’t hate mentally retarded people if I
work with them.[e][f][g][h]
Crowder [Singing Badly]: Retards getting really
mad
This man.
This man right here.
When we were originally designing the shirts
for this video we went through a lot of ideas
and thought at one point of putting something
more extreme on them but decided against it
because we thought we’d be pushing the boundaries
of poor taste.
Then we found the exact shirt we were going
to make on that motherfuckers own twitter
banner.
This.
This is the man offended by language.
[Music]Liberal tears.
It’s just a liberal tear.
Drink the liberal tears.
In a mug.
Drink the liberal tears yum yum yum.[Music]
Lance [as Crowder]: I want to talk to you
a little about villains, and the term “white
supremacist”.
I mean, terms become so ubiquitous that it’s
lost all meaning!
Is this a white supremacist?
Is this a white supremacist?
Is this a white supremacist?
Is this?
I mean at this point, Liberals throw the word
around so much that it has absolutely no value
to us.
I mean, are we just supposed to say that certain
things aren’t better than others?
And are we just supposed to deny science and
logic?
Is that what we’re gonna do?
I mean, is it racist to suggest that black
athletes are better than white ones?
Because I’m sorry, if you look at the stats,
they’re just better.
It’s just math, you know, at the end of
the day?
Is it weird to say that certain races have
better IQs than other races?
No?
Asians have much higher IQs, and I’m sorry,
on average, according to the science, they’re
smarter.
If we were to take the brains of a white person
and a black person, the black person’s brain
would weigh less.
It’s just science.
Louder with Crowder is Steven’s flagship
channel with over a million subscribers.
The aforementioned Change My Mind sketches
make up some of the content, but Steven’s
more notorious investigative journalism comes
in the form of his alter ego’s.
And no I’m not talking about the cringe
orgy of unoriginality that is his SJW character
Skyler Turden.
Crowder [as Skyler Turden]: Half of illegal
immigrants just overstay visas…
A wall wouldn’t work.
Uh…
Why, all of a sudden, do conservatives wanna
get loose with the purse strings when it comes
to building a wall, again, on a border with
brown people.
They don’t want to get loose with the purse
strings when it comes to taking care of our
children who need healthcare, who need education…
But, uh, spending that hasn’t been proven
to work to keep out the scary brown people,
all of a sudden, we get a little loose with
the budget.
Stefan Molyneux: So what you’re saying is,
if I’m understanding you correctly, is that
the wall might only deal with half the problem
Seriously why does every bad conservative
pundit have their own Shercuck Holmes of boring
leftwing routines.
Crowder does a deep dive behind enemy lines
with acting so convincing that he actually
reveals the dark and twisted nature of leftists.
He’s notable for filming an Antifa meeting
and editing his undercover work to look like
they’re primarily concerned with violence.
The worst of it however is where he and NotGay
Jared infiltrated the WhatTheHealthCare trans
town hall in Burlington Vermont.
Being as characteristically subtle as only
he knows how to do…
Crowder: We…
I’m not trans, we’re gay.
The joke is kinda just the basic B of the
LGBTQ
Crowder: Nailed it
[Lance] ...he goes undercover as a gay couple
and proceeds to mine as many juicy moments
as he can where it comes across that the trans
community are serial child abusers.
This provides him with buffet of material
to bring to his Senpai Joe Rogan and do a
round robin of misinformation and general
transphobia.
Rogan: Is he that guy who got busted molesting
children and said he identifies as a 60 year
old boy?
That was a really recent case.
People are trying this out, when they get
caught doing things.
And I’m not saying that there’s not people
that identify with being a man when they’re
actually a women or vise versa.
That’s not what I’m saying.
But what I’m saying is there’s a lot of
fucking crazy people out there.
A lot.
And to deny that, and just because it’s
dealing gender, you’re…
We’re in Narnia now.
Lance [as Crowder]: I mean, the whole thing
was basically a goof. we weren’t even trying
to do it like that.
I mean, we were coming in there, me and NotGay
Jared over here…
He, he was talking about how we could infiltrate
this organisation, and I was like “Why not?
Why don’t we try to expose them for the
horrible freaks they are”, and uh…
We decided to be…
I was gonna be gay, he was my lover…
He went from NotGay Jared to, to…
Jared.
And, uh, we got right up in there.
Rogan: Ok, let’s play some of this and if
there’s uh…
For most of the people who are listening to
this, than watching…
Lance [as Crowder]: Yeah, uh, as you can see
I’m super gay, and me and…
And…
My lover over there , uh, “Normal” Jared…
We have a kid.
Kid might be trans…
Thing…
Whatever you people…
Our people... call it.
And we’re thinking we should pop it full
of pills.
Dave [as Jared]: Our daughter was having such
hard times growing up.
Uh…
She was confused early on…
She didn’t seem herself.
Erm…
As it turns out, she came and approached us
saying that she was…
You know, she didn’t identify with her gender
properly.
Uh, you know?
It was tough.
It led to some depression and…
And we sought some doctors medical help and...
And that brings us to the saddest part about
Steven Crowder.
That he uses his platform to vilify groups
that are marginalized by society.
Hiding behind the banner of a comedian he
can simply use the defense that it’s all
just a joke.
Crowder [as Shaun]: My mum was white, that’s
correct.
She also happens to be, like, a really big
whore and I don’t know who my daddy is…
So I could be any…
Crowder [as Self]: No, Shaun…
Lance: See what he’s done here?
It’s actually hilarious because he’s slut
shaming a woman who doesn’t know exactly
who the father is, and then mocking a person
for thinking they’re a different race than
they actually are.
But it’s a white man, playing a black man,
who thinks he’s a white man.
There’s layers upon layers.
It’s so metaaaaaaaargh….
The paradoxical aspect about him making a
career from bullying others is that he himself
was bullied as a child.
“I spent a lot of my life afraid as a kid,
even throughout high school” he says, recalling
a “defining moment” in his life when a
classmate, who Crowder says constantly bullied
him, cornered him in a locker room.
“I didn’t have anywhere to go and that
was the only time I’ve ever punched someone
in the face,” he says.
“I was hesitant and I threw it out and then
pulled back so I barely touched him, but he
kept trying to push me.”
Crowder remembers he was wearing skate shoes
“with the big fat tongues” that were popular
at the time, and he tripped over his loose
laces.
When he stood up, he says, the bully was surrounded
by friends.
Terrified, he walked away.
“That bothered me for so long, I can’t
even tell you.
It just feels horrible as a man to feel like
you’re walking away as a coward ” he said.
“After high school I wiped the dust off
my shoes and thought, ‘I’m never going
to let that happen to me again.
I’m never going to be afraid again.
It’s what motivates him, he says, to go
on stage or television despite overwhelming
desire to puke or back out.”
And that is truly sad.
It’s not something we’d wish upon anyone.
Not even Steven.
As two people who know what it’s like to
be on the other side bullying, it’s a dark
and all consuming experience.
Especially as a kid.
You get trapped in this black hole where you
think that this is just what life is going
to be like forever, which is debilitating
because it’s not.
We genuinely have nothing but empathy for
someone who went through what Crowder did.
But then to take that experience, and use
it as inspiration for a lifetime of contributing
to an atmosphere that makes others feel afraid
is indefensible ghoulish.
He frequently refers to the high statistics
of suicide amongst the trans community as
an indication that its either a mental disorder
or simply a dangerous lifestyle.
Without ever bothering to look at actual studies
that clearly demonstrate that it’s in large
part due to social stigma that they experience
these devastating rates of suicide.
So in these moments where he and Joe Rogan
think they’re protecting children , are
actually directly contributing to a toxic
narrative that directly endangers them.
This video was a bit of a rabbit hole for
us.
We spent so much time researching Steven Crowder
videos that we ended up becoming him.
Doing cheesy puns and cheap caricatures of
someone we didn’t like.
See, we told you it was meta.
It got so bad we started our own mug club.
But, here’s the twist.
Instead of slinging a stupid $99 user subscription
to fund his netflix and bigotry under the
guise of getting a few cheap mugs every year,
we’re going to donate every penny of the
profit to we earn from this mug to our local
trans and LGBTQ+ support organisation called
Qmunity, in Steven Crowder’s name.
And while we think this is a funny bit, because
teespring takes the majority of the profit
from our sales, reducing the amount we can
donate directly from a $13 mug to a $2 donation
for the organisation, we actually just recommend
you donate directly to the trans and LGBT+
charity in your area.
Most major cities have them and if they don’t?
If you’re passionate about it?
Start the first one.
And at the end of the day, at least we can
take comfort that we’re not funded by this:
Crowder: And, also, by the way, we have a
new sponsor, um…
Crown Prince Mohammed bin Salman from Saudi
Arabia, so we’re very....
He’s not a sponsor, but he’s backing the
show, providing some funding as we move into
a new studio.
Hey, I just wanna make sure, we’re not changing
the direction of the show one bit.
Reason number 2...
[Song]: Oh yeah, it’s just a
Libertear
Drink the libertear
In a mug
Drink the libertears
Yum yum yum
[Lance]: Just ready for his big debut
Uh, thanks for watching so much, guys
That was probably the most taxing video we’ve
ever made
[Dave]: Yeah, ridiculous and all
[Lance]: Having to watch hundreds of hours
of Steve Crowder has ruined what little brain
cells I had left
[Dave]: And his voice
[Lance]: And my voice…
It’s actually … It’s actually partly
because of the camping, but, uh this didn’t
help
[Dave]: Do not talk like this, folks.
We’re professionals.
Well, not really professionals.
[Lance]: Or trained
[Dave]: Or trained.
Or just don’t do this.
Do not attempt this at home.
[Lance]: Thanks so much for watching
[Dave]: Thanks so much for Jared for being
a part of our video
[Lance]: For releasing good steam…
Thanks for watching, liking, commenting…
Zip…
Sip…
Subscribing…
Just like the consumate professionals that
we are.
Our patreon money is going to good use folks,
you can see the special effects
[Dave]: With your patronage, we can wear straight
clothes.
But yeah, thanks…
Share, subscribe, like....
And all that stuff.
[Fin]
[a]This was painful to listen to a dozen times
[b]Lol we feel your pain.
Imagine watching hundreds of hours of him
looking for clips
[c]He's such a vile creature.
PS what's your preferred pronoun we were gonna
give you a shout out in the chat.
Are you in the discord?
[d]Masculine.
I hang on discord a bunch.
On the chapo and Shaun ones (as well as all
the video game ones, it would seem)
[e]As an autistic person, bleargh.
[f]He's despicable
[g]Hope you guys are doing alright.
I always find it super draining listening
to this sort of thing for any period of time.
[h]Thanks you too.
We're fine now, but the week of uploading
we when had recorded the second half and were
peak saturated was taxing
