*WAPOOOSH* TOP OF THE MORNING TO YOU LADIES OR SHOULD I  SAY TOP OF THE MORNING TO YOU MATIES! WELCOME TO ME PIRATE SHIP, WHERE WE'RE DEFINITELY NOT GOING TO NOT SINK, wait doesn't that mean we're going to sink? fuck it!
We're going to be grand.
This is a little pixelated 2-D game.
About being a pirate and going around and exploring the oceans and exploring the seas and being friends with everybody they will call you captain.
I mean is Captain Jack too obvious? (yes it is jack)
It is... but that doesn't mean I shouldn't pick it!
Ohh I get to select my character. Okay. What do you I don't have any f*cking choice. Okay, randomize?
That's pretty good off the bat, okay, keep... NOO look at "em!
ohh badass! (sure jack why not)
Okay, I'm just gonna randomize ah pick a number pick a number between one and ten.
seven okay good one two three four five six seven.
There's my character okay very good choice very nice. I like it!
Look how pretty it is!
I'm on the black shore .. . doesn't look like a black shore. It looks like a sandy - sandy beach beach.
Okay, so this is an alpha build of this game as well
I just saw it on Steam and it looked really pretty and it looked really cute
So I wanted to play it. I don't even know what I do. "Purchase cannonballs"!
"Purchase food and water". I know exactly what I need to do - enter the general store
Don't mind if I do . . . "Hey you're that new kid!
Listen . . . I used to be a free spirit like you up until my ship got blown to bits."
It's nothing isn't that always the way your your ships penis gets blown, and then you lose it
"I knew I should have brought extra wood - "
Yeah. " - and cloth on our trip." Okay. Can you sell me stuff?
"I'm not trying to take advantage of you
But I certainly would hate to lose a potentially long-term
Customer at the sea. So you should grab at least 50 rounds of cannon balls and a hundred wood planks."  . . . Well. That's what I came to get anyway.
Okay, how do I buy stuff from you mister sir?
Okay
Buy
Ship goods
Can I . . . oh?
Quantity
Alright, how much - how much money do I have? I have 1250. *clicking* Oh
Yes! They told me to buy fifty, right? Oh, I could have just pressed 'x', 2 plus 10, okay
*Weird money sound?* PA-CHING!
They also said that I should buy wooden planks
I don't know I need to buy food and water first
Ummmm . . .
Whoa - whoa - Whoa, that's expensive! Oh wait. No, it's not.
*Laughs*
It's not expensive because Jack can't count.
There we go 50 water. Oh, beef!
That's fantastic because you know if you're on that Keto diet you can still eat this. Oranges, oranges yes. Buy a lot of oranges now.
Twenty-five oranges. You need to buy oranges because they're full of 'de vidimend' C and you don't want to get the scurvy.
Okay, how many of these can I buy?
Oh Jesus.
I can basically buy all of this shit.
And I still have 500 left over! God my ship is going to be more food than man.
Ummm . . .
You said I needed wooden planks though -
Ahhh, I can buy those. Okay. How many of those can I buy? Oh sweet Jesus. Wait . . . How many did you say I should buy?
I'ma buy a hundred of them.
And- of course- thirty bombs. You can't go anywhere without buying some bombs. If you go into a store
And they're selling you bombs, you don't just leave without buying the bombs. You should probably buy some medicine as well . . .
There's only five of those so . . . and I don't even 180
Really hope I don't have to buy anything else while I'm here. This is delightful
listen to the music go.
I have no active quests. So does that mean that I should probably head back to my boat? I know I'm going into the shipyard, dog.
Hey, bud, what can I buy from you?
Uhh nothing
Okay, see you later, bud. It was good chatting with you. I'll be back next time.
Okay, I need to head to . . . can I just . . .
Ahh, I can teleport.
Whoa, okay do we want to go from the Black Shore to Brian Crampton(Cramton) or do we want to go to San Doggo?
Let's go to the nearest one first 'cuz I don't know what--
Oh God, It can go lots of different fucking ways. Okay, let's just go to Brian Cranston(Cramton).
I have to figure out how this works. Off to sea! I got an achievo (achievement).
"No vessel is safe from the grimy waters of the sea. The bottom of your ship has started to rot and will require repairs."
Well...
I have that, don't I?
"Every sailor knows how dangerous the sea can be during a storm. It would seem like not everyone aboard your ship was
prepared for the storm. Rest in peace." Two of them died?!
Why did I buy all these oranges?
You're supposed to throw the oranges at the storm, and that's how you survive. Who's not using their positive mental attitude?
That's the name of our ship.
I mean the name of the ship is PMA. God, there's a lot of people on my boat.
Oh!
Was that it?! "Guess island is empty?Well, it's mine now.
I can make a profit from a bustling town of my own. While government ins't very pirate like, sometimes
It's a necessary evil . . . "
I can build my own towns! I should not have spent all my money.
Nice, we have a general store being built.
This is cool. I didn't know that the game had this kind of stuff! Umm-govern- how do I govern? Can I make the--
I'll make the trading go up a bit.
60/40 that seems like a good split.
I can't bring these up. 'Cuz I don't have the shit for them. Daily profit, zero, upkeep cost, zero, those are numbers
I like to see. Happiness, 100-percent!
It's 'cuz the PMA everybody, haha, we have zero attack risk, zero population . . .
I'd like the population to be a bit higher,
Umm . . .
I don't know how we can have a hundred percent happiness with nobody in it.
Whatever man. Okay, Brian Cranston is now mine, right there. Crampton. Umm, I'ma head to San Doggo. Oh?
Wait, attack?
Wait, wait, wait, let's go down here first . . . 10 days or 6 days? 6 Days.
Do I wanna attack?
Okay, let's just travel there. I don't know if I'm well equipped to attack just yet-- Um-- the spaghetti man!
SOMEBODY TOUCHA MY SPAGET!
Okay, okay. We need to start firing some-- okay. . . How do I shoot?
Z and X are going between these but I don't know how I actually shoot them.
What do I do?!?!
Ohhh! Oh, okay, we're firing. We're--ah, come on, really?
Okay, you need to repair. You need to repair. We're gonna die.
We're gonna die. I need to keep repairing.
No, no, you don't -- no, you fucking missed.
Okay, we're back to full health. Okay now, I'm getting how this game works. Okay, and now you fire.
Oh yeah! Hit 'em! Hit it with everything you have, hit him with those bombs.
Nice, nice, they're also hitting me very hard though, not a fan of that
Once more! Once More!
You are victorious! You too! Everybody at home. You're all victorious. We're all mad bastards right now.
Wait what? "Press spacebar to proceed", "Feed the crew".
Okay, water b-- done
Nice! And I can-- and I can build.
I'm doing fairly well for myself, my team are all together.
Everybody's on the PMA.
And we're having a great time, nobody died! "Crampton a completely empty island. Unbelievable.
Captain Jack might be the first pirate to fund the construction of an island like that."
You bet your ass I am. The Sinking Hope. Well, I hope you're Sinking Hope is good at sinking 'cuz it's about to. Watch.
Yeah!
That's what I'm all about. I know our ship is named PMA, but we are-- we are not afraid to fuck your shit when we need to.
Get him!
Okay, we only have regular cannonballs left. That's not good. We have the upper hand though.
We have-- we have-- we have the time on our side/
Here we go once more once more --
 get em'!
Shit. Okay, we got him, we got him.
Yes!
*clap clap clap clap*
All my pirate friends back home are gonna be very happy with me and we made it to San Doggo.
Neato! Okay, I know you took a couple of battles, but we got there in the end.
Everybody looks so much happier here. I think we'd belong here everybody
Okay, what can we do?
Do we have any more money? I have fifteen hundred and thirty coins I get a lot for killing people!
I want to buy more of these because these were a very big boon for me
105 let's buy 50 of those
Little grapeshot, I don't know what cloth is for, but I'm assuming it's going to come in handy for repairing my ship after a while
And we get some more wood planks because I need them I need answer fix my ship
Actually, you know what I'm gonna get a shit one of them
grapeshot
Grapeshot are normally for taking out sails
But I'm going to give you all a lesson here Captain Jack here to tell you that grapeshot takes out sails
Don't know if you knew that food
Much these do I have I?
I don't know
Hey by all the shit that you can do dry beans
There's some fucking rum hominy dum-dum and some ale there. There we go. That's all we need I don't need anything else
Maybe some medicine my guy is gonna get sick after a while. Let's talk to them
I've got some supplies that need to be taken to su Jima interested.
Yeah dawg
Nice okay, I'm gonna learn boy
Probably should have tried to buy a new ship
Should I bring my boys in
hire a crew
ohh I lost three, didn't I?
Lost three get back three
That's what I'm all about so you hire your crew at taverns. Okay. Good to know
And then if I go around I'm not gonna be able to afford a ship what am I going to?
I could just do this
My little shop took me six months to complete and then another 3 months to take it apparent so I could build it inside that
glass bottle ooh
I love tiny ships. I don't know why but they bring me peace. Hey, whatever you're into Cynthia
6,000 you say I couldn't have even afforded it even when I got one I ain't goin a when I got here, so
I'ma, just leave. I'm gonna go back to my my port
Right so where is su Jima?
My god sue jeana's all the way down there 17 days
Okay
See I just want to travel their way you tell me I can attack are we gonna attack a whole island
If it bad enough that somebody's just going to show up right now and attack me
But shipyard owner had quite an obsession with tiny ships calming is how she described it
Maybe I shouldn't quit the pipe and start building tiny ships not on my fucking boat. You're not
Is that all I need to do wait Auto feet
Wat?
I don't really know what I'm doing is the power at the bottom all of them
Cuz they're I fed them all
They feed them twice?The dirty dangler, no!
Shit, I didn't get to name my ship something cool. I mean I did say I call the PMA
But I want a cool name like the dirty dangler
oww
Hahaha my bombs they hurt no
Try and escape actually don't if you could stay that'd be great. I need all the money ah God. We missed........fire!
Come on you're wasting all my shots
I forgot to buy you regular cannonballs oops doesn't matter. I am victorious coz I am the best
Okay, heal up the ship here. We go very nice. Good about fourteen hundred and forty four coins
Okay if I
What happens if I feed you okay, you need the water, that's good
You need the carrots
There we go you
Hope you're all happy in the boats
El Pirates
My Spanish cousins, I will fire upon you the rain of death. Oh wait are they level 10
Okay, I'm almost out of regular cannonballs, I'm out of regular cannonballs. I'm have to fire my bomb boys
Stop missing oh shit, I'm gonna die
Okay, how do I how do I heal there? We go there? We go. I should have shot once more that would have actually worked
No not fucking that
Don't kill me don't kill me. Yes. Oh, oh that was close
Okay, I got a lot of stuff. That's good and putting back up my boat ah
Okay, I used a lot of wooden planks just now ah
Here's me wasting ten each time, but he's used one water one beef and
Some wrong there your morale is super-high. No very nice. Oh shit not American boy
They don't even have any American colors
You'll be my American boy
American boy, I'm not gonna win this I don't have enough ammo
I'm gonna have to run away like the dirty bitch. I am what does this one do bored?
Oh
Oh, yes get in there get in there PMA
Would you like to fight the enemy yourself hell, yes, oh dude a plane nidhogg all of a sudden
Wait, what do I do?
What do we do Oh?
What do I know no buttons work waiting pressing back is how you attack?
Who is that making any fucking sense? This is incredibly anti-climactic?
Okay, I don't fucking get you, but I'm stabbing you a lot
You should die now
Robin can we have some like badass music as this is happening because this is quite lame
* "badass" music starts*
This is a war of attrition at this point. I'm just stabbing blindly. Thank you trying to block. It's not working
Nobody is dying
I don't know what's happening? I broke the game. It wasn't working
I was there for ages trying to figure out how to fight that person so we're heading off again
And this time I have more weapons
Okay, this time when we go to the Tsushima. I am going to be the one wait
You need a cruise say these 52 to attack Shu Jima
So if I attack a place can I take it over and build it up?
That's pretty cool, okay, I'm gonna
There we go and there we go okay now, I kind of know how to do it
It's never good to see one of your crewmates squatting over the poop deck for 30 minutes
That usually means others have begun getting the mess inducing illness as well - three medicine, okay?
Fer on lads fer on into the deep dark night across the seven seas for we will come up
victorious against our enemy 'the angry dingy' I knew they'd show up
Okay, here we go here. We go. Yes god. I have a lot of fucking weapons now
Keep firing bombs
yes, I
Never ever bored because for some reason that doesn't fucking work. The only thing boarding will do is make you bored
Okay, we've almost won here. We go no the getting ready to board no attack them hit them once more once more
Yes, they wanted to board. I was not letting that happen. I was not getting stuck in that endlessly again
Okay, you guys are all hunger thirst so imma do this stuff
There you go lads
Fairplay he won the day hey we made it at su Jima
Let me finish my quest delivery today get anything for that
Wait let me. Let me check how much months I have Hans
alright
4,000 whoa did I get anything that I can sell?
Bunch of bombs and cannonballs and all that kind of shit, but I've no I was hoping that we'd get like rubies and stuff
Okay, you don't have a delivery job fine
I need to buy some more planks, please
*sings*
Okay does anybody have any jobs for me. Hello? I could go back and filled up my my town
Right where does the prey at Bryan Cranston I could go back and build up that place
Unless you have something for me. Hello tiny miss do you have a job? No. I can't even talk to you
They can buy the Corvette
Speed a hundred and thirty percent oh
No, the one I have now is one hundred and thirty percent this goes down five percent, but everything else goes up a lot
Guns go from four to ten crew goes from 15 to 40
Ship health goes from 80 to 100. Yes!
A hell yeah, but I don't want to call it the Corvette I want to call it the awesome boat
Imagine coming up across that in the ocean the paper is like oh, no it's the awesome boat
Yeah my son go to Niekro
We're already here, hallo dawn?
But I barely even get out of Port
Ok hallo dawn. You're gonna feel the might of this brand new ship ok. Oh my god
I'm so fucking powerful
*laughs*
They didn't even have time to piss on the poop deck. I know it's not what you do you poop in a piss tech
I love the music. I don't think I need anything unless any of you have any jobs no
All right, I want to go back to my place
I wanna go back to it to Cranston there - five sails health
Do I stupid wind okay beef?
Beef is good. The dry beans are
Like the best cuz watch if I feed them with one water thirst goes up
fully dry beans brings up morale and
By hunger dry beans ROP the rough skin boys and the soft skin boy myself
Watch this watch how much damage. This is gonna do oh?
Yes, how much does the grapeshot do oh?
Jesus Oh
Grapeshot hits their sales. I mean I know I said that myself
But I think if you use grapeshot to hit their sales
They can't board you because they can't go anywhere anymore, and they're easier to hit
Now would make sense
Dude, I'm getting a lot of shit from these guys. This is fantastic by the time I get back to Cranston
I would have a bunch of money to be able to upgrade it. I love this game this game is awesome
I love being out in the seas oh
*singing Irish......?*
There's the soft skin boys
Hey guys, I'm one of you that challenger Roger
I'll have nobody do any such thing dear level 40 oh
Shit I can take him I can fucking take him
Okay, maybe I should heal first cuz they're gonna get a shot off again. I might be dead one more one more
Take that G Jolly Roger fuckers I
I am the one who fucks I've 258 water holy gagolli
I got so much from those guys
Haha
Alright, I'm back
So can I build of mm. Oh yeah, I could build a shipyard a tavern
Should build a mining camp
Yeah, I think that that was the right way to go don't know what it does but
There it is
Okay mining has to come off 225
What are you fighting 4530?
attack risk forty percent or 4 percent
Imma bring you down to fifteen
Happiness sixty
Ok happiness goes down if I bring up mining so there
So they should be able to like keep they should be able to keep making me money then
hopefully
You're sold out of everything
They suck
Trying to sell no
Sapphires there. We go I am going to build a
Tavern but keep people happy
Right
Maybe
You already look like a government to you. What's this?
Message in a bottle
There's a message in the bottle. I've been wounded in a bar fight these may very well. Be me last moments
Please whoever finds this send us to the sea
I pray, it makes its way to my family the oceans currents on the eastern end of Crampton should send about laughs in the right direction
Perhaps if this bottle reaches my family they can reward whoever carry don't be last wishes
Okay, and the eastern end of Crampton
Okay, well this sounds a bit crazy, but who am I to ignore or ignore man's I say it's me talking now
Maybe I'll run into family someday. I'll include an O of my own just in case okay
How do I how do I let me do this one two lovers were separated at sea
Deliver the bottle to the eastern end of cramped okay
And I'm assuming cuz it's a 2-d game
East is just down at the very end on the right
Right would I be wrong
Better not be fucking wrong
Please spot in the water off you go. I do. Hope that reaches his family one day
I left them my name so if ever I meet them I can claim my rewards for walking this bottle a couple of paces
Okay develop Crampton to its full potential, okay. I can't do that yet
For now I need to set me sails again guys
me pirate herd has been tossed with a-a-a
Deadly decision a deadly decision be brewing up from the depths of my brain hole
Over here, you can see I have to travel the sundog war of Shinagawa and after to deliver a cure which to a safe
It'd be a moral dilemma that me brain can't even comprehend at the moment
Shinagawa or sand dog. Oh one of them is gonna get hit with a disease
The fuckers, Shinagawa
Takes 30 is 16 days to get the shinagawa or
15 days
I'm gonna go to San Doggo
You know what son dog. It was good to me. They sold me a lot of great items. I owe them a lot
I can't just let San doggo go, plus San Doggo is right next to Bryan Cranston, so if I let if I let the disease take
San Doggo it might spread over to my lovely little island that I've been trained to curate. Hey, I bought you guys before
Okay, - five percent ship helped us a matter PMA is back in action already here eat some onions take dis
Disease-fighting trash and here in my hand and take in which I pray that this cure saves us. Thank you
Not a butter at all at all just consider me your friendly neighborhood pirate
I said I have to get to Niekro though to sell some goods
Dammit that was probably right next to Shinagawa
You know what blessings be upon this day for now we can head back to me Bryan, Cranston Island
the Carib Caribbean fruits
That's a big-ass boat oh
Shit, ah
Okay, we're running. We're running we're running no no no no no no no get out here. You escaped. Oh, thank fuck I
mean
The PMA is a strong boy. It's a strong one it can take a lot of storms and a lot of pirate ease
But right god their ship was like four times the size of ours
But fucking door now. I'm coming back to my place to build a
Build a firm I don't need a shipyard just yet
Familiar shipyard, then I may be able to buy ships right now
I don't need no ships all I need is for me people to be happy on this island here, huh, Bryan Cranston
Alright, well. I'm going to leave this episode of don't sink here tis a grand old game. Hello. You're on my Island
I built this I gave you life
But thank you guys so much for watching this video if you liked it punch that eye ball in the face
LIKE A BOSS
high-fives all around
*wapoosh wapoosh*
but thank you guys and I will see all you dudes
IN THE NEXT VIDEO
*Outro music plays*
Why did I tell people to punch an eyeball in the face? That doesn't make any sense
